subreddit,author,date,post,automated_readability_index,coleman_liau_index,flesch_kincaid_grade_level,flesch_reading_ease,gulpease_index,gunning_fog_index,lix,smog_index,wiener_sachtextformel,n_chars,n_long_words,n_monosyllable_words,n_polysyllable_words,n_sents,n_syllables,n_unique_words,n_words,sent_neg,sent_neu,sent_pos,sent_compound,economic_stress_total,isolation_total,substance_use_total,guns_total,domestic_stress_total,suicidality_total,punctuation,liwc_1st_pers,liwc_2nd_pers,liwc_3rd_pers,liwc_achievement,liwc_adverbs,liwc_affective_processes,liwc_anger,liwc_anxiety,liwc_articles_article,liwc_assent,liwc_auxiliary_verbs,liwc_biological,liwc_body,liwc_causation,liwc_certainty,liwc_cognitive,liwc_common_verbs,liwc_conjunctions,liwc_death,liwc_discrepancy,liwc_exclusive,liwc_family,liwc_feel,liwc_fillers,liwc_friends,liwc_future_tense,liwc_health,liwc_hear,liwc_home,liwc_humans,liwc_impersonal_pronouns,liwc_inclusive,liwc_ingestion,liwc_inhibition,liwc_insight,liwc_leisure,liwc_money,liwc_motion,liwc_negations,liwc_negative_emotion,liwc_nonfluencies,liwc_numbers,liwc_past_tense,liwc_perceptual_processes,liwc_personal_pronouns,liwc_positive_emotion,liwc_prepositions,liwc_present_tense,liwc_quantifiers,liwc_relativity,liwc_religion,liwc_sadness,liwc_see,liwc_sexual,liwc_social_processes,liwc_space,liwc_swear_words,liwc_tentative,liwc_time,liwc_total_functional,liwc_total_pronouns,liwc_work,tfidf_abl,tfidf_abus,tfidf_actual,tfidf_addict,tfidf_adhd,tfidf_advic,tfidf_ago,tfidf_alcohol,tfidf_almost,tfidf_alon,tfidf_alreadi,tfidf_also,tfidf_alway,tfidf_amp,tfidf_amp x200b,tfidf_ani,tfidf_anoth,tfidf_anxieti,tfidf_anxious,tfidf_anymor,tfidf_anyon,tfidf_anyon els,tfidf_anyth,tfidf_around,tfidf_ask,tfidf_attack,tfidf_away,tfidf_back,tfidf_bad,tfidf_becaus,tfidf_becom,tfidf_befor,tfidf_believ,tfidf_best,tfidf_better,tfidf_bit,tfidf_bodi,tfidf_bpd,tfidf_brain,tfidf_call,tfidf_came,tfidf_care,tfidf_caus,tfidf_chang,tfidf_come,tfidf_complet,tfidf_constant,tfidf_control,tfidf_could,tfidf_coupl,tfidf_cri,tfidf_day,tfidf_deal,tfidf_depress,tfidf_diagnos,tfidf_die,tfidf_differ,tfidf_disord,tfidf_doctor,tfidf_doe,tfidf_done,tfidf_dont,tfidf_drink,tfidf_drug,tfidf_eat,tfidf_els,tfidf_emot,tfidf_end,tfidf_enough,tfidf_etc,tfidf_even,tfidf_ever,tfidf_everi,tfidf_everyon,tfidf_everyth,tfidf_experi,tfidf_famili,tfidf_fear,tfidf_feel,tfidf_feel like,tfidf_felt,tfidf_final,tfidf_find,tfidf_first,tfidf_food,tfidf_found,tfidf_friend,tfidf_fuck,tfidf_get,tfidf_give,tfidf_go,tfidf_good,tfidf_got,tfidf_great,tfidf_guess,tfidf_guy,tfidf_happen,tfidf_happi,tfidf_hard,tfidf_hate,tfidf_head,tfidf_health,tfidf_hear,tfidf_heart,tfidf_help,tfidf_high,tfidf_home,tfidf_hope,tfidf_hour,tfidf_hous,tfidf_hurt,tfidf_idea,tfidf_im,tfidf_issu,tfidf_job,tfidf_keep,tfidf_kill,tfidf_kind,tfidf_know,tfidf_last,tfidf_late,tfidf_leav,tfidf_left,tfidf_let,tfidf_life,tfidf_like,tfidf_littl,tfidf_live,tfidf_long,tfidf_look,tfidf_lose,tfidf_lost,tfidf_lot,tfidf_love,tfidf_made,tfidf_make,tfidf_mani,tfidf_mayb,tfidf_mean,tfidf_med,tfidf_medic,tfidf_mental,tfidf_might,tfidf_mind,tfidf_mom,tfidf_month,tfidf_move,tfidf_much,tfidf_need,tfidf_never,tfidf_new,tfidf_next,tfidf_night,tfidf_normal,tfidf_noth,tfidf_notic,tfidf_old,tfidf_onc,tfidf_one,tfidf_onli,tfidf_pain,tfidf_panic,tfidf_parent,tfidf_part,tfidf_past,tfidf_peopl,tfidf_person,tfidf_place,tfidf_pleas,tfidf_point,tfidf_possibl,tfidf_post,tfidf_pretti,tfidf_probabl,tfidf_problem,tfidf_ptsd,tfidf_put,tfidf_question,tfidf_quit,tfidf_read,tfidf_real,tfidf_realli,tfidf_reason,tfidf_recent,tfidf_relationship,tfidf_rememb,tfidf_right,tfidf_said,tfidf_say,tfidf_scare,tfidf_school,tfidf_see,tfidf_seem,tfidf_self,tfidf_sever,tfidf_shit,tfidf_sinc,tfidf_situat,tfidf_sleep,tfidf_social,tfidf_someon,tfidf_someth,tfidf_sometim,tfidf_sorri,tfidf_start,tfidf_stay,tfidf_still,tfidf_stop,tfidf_stress,tfidf_struggl,tfidf_stuff,tfidf_suicid,tfidf_support,tfidf_sure,tfidf_symptom,tfidf_take,tfidf_talk,tfidf_tell,tfidf_thank,tfidf_therapi,tfidf_therapist,tfidf_thing,tfidf_think,tfidf_though,tfidf_thought,tfidf_time,tfidf_tire,tfidf_today,tfidf_told,tfidf_took,tfidf_tri,tfidf_turn,tfidf_two,tfidf_understand,tfidf_us,tfidf_use,tfidf_usual,tfidf_veri,tfidf_want,tfidf_way,tfidf_week,tfidf_weight,tfidf_well,tfidf_went,tfidf_whi,tfidf_whole,tfidf_wish,tfidf_without,tfidf_wonder,tfidf_work,tfidf_worri,tfidf_wors,tfidf_would,tfidf_wrong,tfidf_x200b,tfidf_year ptsd,dyingly,2019/04/10,"feeling lost and confused after reporting abuse to police i have recently reported some sexual abuse i suffered as a child / young teen to the police and there's an ongoing investigation. the police have taken my phone for evidence and they've had it for over a month. at the moment i just feel so lost. they're not great at keeping in touch and there's not many updates. i feel alone and lost and confused. i don't know what's happening and i am so stressed about it all. **does anyone generally know how long a police investiagtion into abuse (UK) takes? and how to cope with it all? and what happens in the end? how long will he get? was it worth it?** ***i feel like i've made a big mistake***",0.09226885644769213,2.3208337591240884,2.053768248175185,90.505275243309,101.91970802919708,5.2030413625304135,18.847019464720194,6.816661863887847,0.5703822384428232,543,18,110,10,24,179,83,137,0.248,0.7120000000000001,0.04,-0.9845,0,1,0,0,3,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,9,10,0,3,9,0,7,0,0,4,2,32,23,15,0,1,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,11,0,1,6,0,1,0,3,8,0,0,7,5,8,2,15,15,3,16,0,4,0,0,3,7,0,3,10,68,15,2,0.0,0.5214229458253954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193008447713882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257141074883194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837235119709212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299267794160588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966902894877454,0.10479776839848293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664122803217463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172995144565774,0.0,0.0,0.2594409142650069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038780188473545,0.0,0.0,0.16123767274632228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166696777717155,0.0,0.0,0.2596380215569486,0.0,0.0,0.4803994057133423,0.0,0.0,0.13880480771019854,0.0,0.14872404644377082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708924343659205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484199951808446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803675259019038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102951533516903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,huntressbathory,2019/04/10,"Question about dealing with PTSD after SA.. and possible trigger warning. What are some good strategies to dealing with my inner demons after being assaulted? I cannot for the life of me watch shows that show violent rape scenes.. one of those being Game of Thrones. I hate the show for the rape scenes, but I am interested in the story, and I wish I could get over it. So if you have any strategies about that, please feel free to share them. Thank you.",4.2648338870431886,6.199147709302328,4.020033222591362,88.12313953488373,71.90697674418605,6.774750830564784,26.239202657807308,7.447530270364453,1.2653342192691035,357,12,69,4,7,108,63,86,0.139,0.645,0.217,0.8779,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,0,3,10,5,0,4,0,7,3,0,1,0,12,12,5,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,5,0,1,0,2,10,6,15,9,1,5,1,0,1,2,8,3,0,3,2,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117016148299602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096846205758306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190000641092064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727119473303644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150711031767476,0.0,0.0,0.21112083925966516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485096694658711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17778889781974516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170563944783218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762999428599819,0.0,0.28376309945796063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942333369962127,0.0,0.28197071441897603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317390302751716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28945193010407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TooManyHappy,2019/04/10,"Advice on family members who are triggers Incredibly brief background: I have Asperger's and experienced emotional trauma from my childhood and upbringing. I'm in a bit of a difficult situation at the moment. I have recently begun talking to my family again over email after avoiding contact for a year as I needed to distance myself from them. I have a great deal of trauma attached to my birth name which I no longer use and they put very little effort into understanding this and not using it when talking to or about me. I also have trauma associated with my upbringing and my family's behaviour to me as a child. The conversations were over email and it felt as if they had begun to be more understanding of this. Recently my Mother came to visit me and after about an hour into her being here, I noticed I had begun to feel extremely nauseous, very anxious and uncomfortable, to the point where I really struggled to focus and maintain socialising for the rest of the day and for the rest of her visit. I had a really hard time falling asleep because these feelings did not subside and instead had gotten worse, leaving me up overthinking to the point of crying and feeling like I needed to throw up as if I had something stuck in my throat. Even though they have not purposefully me any wrongdoing and that I still love them as family, I feel as if I would be putting myself through more than it is worth and more than I can deal with if I continued keeping in contact with them. I feel great deals of guilt when considering cutting them out of my life but I honestly don't know if there is a better option at this point other than doing this and seeing a therapist. People say that you are meant to remove from your life things that are triggering for past trauma, but what do you do when this trigger is a person, especially a family member or members? I am really stuck here, sometimes I feel as if I am being over sensitive and nasty about this, but other times I feel justified and this is the right thing to do for myself. I can't tell if I am being unreasonable/unfair or not and would really appreciate a second opinion on this.",11.18184582309582,7.870123245700247,11.00138667076167,61.4950529791155,58.55773955773957,14.10620393120393,40.91661547911548,12.161744961471696,4.925398157248159,1719,63,294,40,16,575,194,407,0.096,0.8320000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.4109,0,1,1,3,0,0,24.0,0,3,7,2,16,15,1,3,20,0,36,5,2,5,0,68,60,43,0,11,17,1,9,1,0,2,2,1,0,2,22,25,0,2,12,0,1,9,7,9,0,1,13,12,53,6,64,40,6,52,0,0,1,1,32,21,0,12,23,250,75,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704849346944807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123769264412047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060577836349558274,0.0,0.0,0.1006356784337656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054302683319391185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878451736663596,0.09725290121702032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018844307325791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978508136272952,0.05744959255239743,0.2755144413894327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020364148545567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883687056388255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198861258767451,0.0,0.3152926583598261,0.06363917075293586,0.08553130849316444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642326651038186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979868567058776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772640891423918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917889583956801,0.0,0.0,0.04895634680259918,0.0,0.0,0.09432345214135177,0.0,0.0,0.1258404696657689,0.04352026259160873,0.08928212467113877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803986844613963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210421485571722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141880940000687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503747538445289,0.061757244878960074,0.07778171008216328,0.0,0.0,0.25262977127693365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791011365357144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282691542880552,0.0,0.17591261494193164,0.0,0.0,0.07607431257575502,0.0,0.0708404377343601,0.0,0.0,0.0709856740135339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013028316916894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857856812925907,0.08810295285587043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711398512807227,0.0,0.0,0.09312634407726827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319916163492002,0.07786033691325553,0.0,0.0,0.10342939748970464,0.11836233327847845,0.0,0.08752119913700815,0.0,0.10388718325831764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547201170261812,0.0,0.15387400710976626,0.0,0.14700158459726914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907807022744402,0.12656054972530725,0.0,0.0,0.05736496082118915 ptsd,AbsurdPigment,2019/04/10,"Volunteering is helping Hello everyone. I found something that works for me, and I thought I would share. &#x200B; I'm currently unemployed and not in school. I am taking a pause on life to get better after years of unsuccessfully trying to outrun this thing. And, at first, the pause was doing more harm than good. &#x200B; I've found that volunteering at the humane society has been a game changer. It gives me something worthwhile to do, puts me in the community, and I get to talk with little kids who come in. I will spent up to 3 hours there, spending 95% of my time petting kitties. Today one cat, who is in isolation and is terrified of all people, finally let me pet her. She licked and rubbed up against me. I feel like I've actually accomplished something since I've been on break. I've made a small difference to that cat with my compassion and patience. &#x200B; It is just a trigger-free space for me. Most of the time I am alone with the cats, and only sometimes am I joined by little kids. It is really wonderful, and I would recommend it to all of you. It is like a little break from the past. It is a place where I can be present in life without being in pain.",3.7859664444955214,5.70025566375546,4.672098368191222,83.03301999540338,73.14847161572052,7.965157435072397,27.773155596414608,8.6894789155246,2.129806986899564,933,36,180,18,19,302,131,229,0.064,0.7959999999999999,0.14,0.941,3,2,3,0,0,0,41.0,0,1,0,4,3,7,0,0,12,0,23,3,0,1,2,27,36,9,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,3,3,0,2,3,13,13,0,0,5,1,2,2,2,2,0,2,8,3,22,5,35,22,4,34,0,0,0,0,14,19,0,2,13,124,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.10150441059893198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772899318241466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381032084033828,0.3791717248423659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199351714211744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960039644344829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867436621839796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939154877716287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259351083017951,0.0743089041001042,0.0,0.11394421820268145,0.0,0.08847578133892826,0.0,0.22809589888586446,0.0,0.0,0.10868791866448801,0.09978142773832106,0.0,0.08724351310892166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971959423739303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243460481851094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063631967696952,0.1469388629938158,0.10163372592915232,0.3127534549027007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984222593896366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048379404319195,0.07910869855672717,0.11068013859863177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929484511654743,0.07211145483044475,0.0,0.10867436621839796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456460244210594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666351811876039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052695367840282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604293976265526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24022932018820256,0.10287428005810167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820693225024518,0.08360395526251957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910347171870769,0.0,0.0,0.08257692185148274,0.12130489204427825,0.0,0.09859481057478643,0.0,0.0,0.07061989642899827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026751371595363,0.11280069170253736,0.07572473693887795,0.0,0.0,0.14777967156274524,0.0,0.3791717248423659,0.06698276111920151 ptsd,Natz35454,2019/04/10,"Struggling while therapy is on pause I have been getting help dealing with my ptsd after a car accident last year. Just after the year anniversary my councillor has had to take time off due to a family issue. It has been 3 weeks without an appointment and I am starting to struggle with medication alone. Little things are setting me off. Like leaving the house. Knowing that the next day I have to go out has made me so upset this evening my heart rate was at 100+ and I just started to cry.",3.8024999999999984,5.742980916666671,4.577500000000004,83.61750000000002,73.16666666666666,7.716666666666668,29.70833333333333,8.472884824447931,2.318483333333334,392,17,74,7,8,126,73,96,0.16399999999999998,0.785,0.051,-0.8877,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,6,0,12,2,1,1,0,10,19,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,5,0,9,1,15,14,0,22,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,14,53,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892392239509464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070553199049276,0.11783704813926645,0.1883727226522333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068254692453324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722488861268115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954618472396006,0.0,0.10384201651018912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165199715637643,0.1224710406911407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083034729804995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070858939397312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004162281854123,0.1489383613922885,0.0,0.19347042645263168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926606874302205,0.1831299676016576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289080159559048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406768442433452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19432110591049692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213585849474447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25865540524286884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820299849840802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738009359802048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089522795947638,0.0,0.12138874572253106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654347986452617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465641816253822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17613221773054946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353269135417571 ptsd,TheDerekReport,2019/04/10,I think about suicide weekly but my son and fiancé keep me going. Does anyone else here still suffer from suicidal thoughts even after therapy? It’s usually when I have another nightmare or don’t sleep much. Through therapy I’ve learned to cope and deal with my thoughts and feelings but i wish I could turn the switch completely off! I’m happy I truly am but I just can’t seem to shake those thoughts once in awhile.,3.2284259259259267,5.740079296296301,3.509367283950617,87.93590277777781,77.0246913580247,7.012962962962964,27.40895061728395,8.07648339933343,1.9092580246913584,337,14,64,6,8,104,64,81,0.175,0.685,0.14,-0.5017,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,1,0,5,1,1,0,0,19,16,8,2,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,7,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,1,9,1,9,12,1,9,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,5,39,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866792527776715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914008543155186,0.17458386380366175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864982698029985,0.0,0.0,0.13604190584703466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566377613000567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910873095157168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233830681597606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254045494096268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615389555974387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683610495353187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18138246423114734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144974357249485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252556620236184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145892955175555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551159218583877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051224595139114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607302956183345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727562435257256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38970978332518974,0.0,0.0,0.10917851480524213,0.0,0.4058099595485871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18533451340201615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876596235909429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667593283795113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19593916288804347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,stupidthrowawaynya,2019/04/10,"relapsing really bad and can’t handle school due to my abuser. for context, my abuser and i still go to the same school. i’ve managed to cut him out of my life but it still affects me a lot. i have different 504 codes where i can skip classes i have with him but it’s been so fucking hard to handle. every time i see him i just get almost like miniature flash backs(can still function but it’s all i can think about) and i just can’t concentrate on anything. i fucking hate this! school is supposed to be a safe environment, it’s supposed to be a place for learning. i’m a senior for christ sake, this should be my fun year but i’m stuck because this fucking sickness. i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to see him. i know there’s only 6 weeks of school left but this is just consuming me. i wish i got him turned into the cops or at the very least expelled. why am i such a coward? how can i deal with this? i’ve been to a php program and the hospital and i’m in iop but i still don’t know how to deal with this fucking trauma. i just want someone to save me i hate this",-0.4171551724137928,1.7392133189655183,1.7205172413793122,96.97620689655173,90.3793103448276,4.579310344827586,19.206896551724146,6.129581340695534,-0.151020689655172,838,26,194,8,29,279,116,232,0.156,0.75,0.094,-0.9364,1,0,0,0,2,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,15,13,7,0,10,0,20,6,0,3,1,39,43,15,0,4,11,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,12,10,0,1,5,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,4,3,31,4,25,35,4,18,1,0,2,4,7,8,4,3,10,128,43,10,0.0,0.2674239080770778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300564230990025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286812749828037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422726128769528,0.06879393702973546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326922842252881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790701529906365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508323742852604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173218806671354,0.058960859560217314,0.0,0.06413677012283052,0.0,0.09025858536471132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109382117987784,0.22283728515269416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606261974210256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226147505579387,0.0,0.07971117463073739,0.05513411163561355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594330000283348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582953695144675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11790701529906365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722963068581723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4568516869627152,0.1798579255974465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561969670352496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36049713569592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231143084261846,0.0,0.0,0.06580529640896407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275129289427518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311526738536542,0.133126851276136,0.0,0.09052360057188956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183197691463723,0.0,0.12977499512439794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726734161410566 ptsd,safudah,2019/04/10,Im having a panic atrack. I just started on some very high dose Zoloft and as I'm typing this I'm having a panic attack. I don't know if this is normal or not. I've heard it can happen but has anyone else experienced this in their treatment?,-0.4155219780219781,1.8134379423076936,2.284065934065936,91.91807692307695,92.65384615384615,3.740659340659341,13.197802197802195,5.288315135182226,-1.027942857142857,191,3,40,1,7,66,41,52,0.13699999999999998,0.863,0.0,-0.6542,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,2,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,9,12,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,3,11,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,1,25,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18333392017984526,0.2686513446362953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982864211154022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21903156847513586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318595382475448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770250446904739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832172610462961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440963637403948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568969438613055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6152623027766205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855840636061161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21633960852873427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,prosaicdaze,2019/04/10,"How do you know for sure if you have ptsd? Since I’ve gone no contact with my (now 5 years sober) alcoholic mother I’ve been having terrible nightmares that have me waking up so upset, often ruining my mornings and rendering me incapable of being functional until later in the day. They’re always about my mom being black out drunk, memories that are warped and twisted, me fighting for my life or trying to escape from someone trying to capture me or shoot me. They’re always about or revolve around my mom and my past. It’s terrifying and I never thought I had ptsd (I always minimize things bc I hate to seem dramatic or like I’m looking for attention) but I seem to have all the symptoms and it’s becoming debilitating. Every day I wake up feeling guilty & ashamed for trying to reclaim my life and find out who I am without my mothers validation or love but it’s so difficult and exhausting. Life seems futile at the moment and it’s hard to feel motivated to do anything. I’m currently on a mood stabilizer but am seeing my psychiatrist next week to tell her about this and perhaps go on another med, but I really don’t want to seem dramatic or like I am making a mountain out of a molehill. I see a therapist and do group therapy centred around DBT skills weekly. I know people have it way worse than me and I don’t feel worthy of help or care most of the time. Are flashbacks also considered nightmares or are they a separate thing altogether? How do you know for sure if you even have ptsd? Thanks. Xox",4.2860604274134095,5.989814369491526,5.65217391304348,77.3839793662491,71.40677966101696,8.927044952100221,29.77523949889462,9.43228470229965,2.865792925571112,1209,50,220,28,23,406,165,295,0.141,0.735,0.124,-0.2948,1,0,1,1,2,1,23.0,0,4,1,2,13,16,2,2,9,0,22,10,2,4,4,56,46,31,0,3,15,4,4,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,11,17,2,0,14,1,0,2,5,8,0,0,4,8,33,7,37,40,2,28,0,1,4,1,17,11,0,16,16,149,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879875822966883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141355200238215,0.2541301529619299,0.11030585148526297,0.0,0.0,0.10675158987264187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377697471745688,0.1812563578855696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243580401480488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379714855085018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131181589908775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724134995836965,0.0,0.08577524057703301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442724781897915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304807454878967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057858220185813575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911974294004642,0.1005115215911383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823785474156764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784836531011732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157239919108436,0.09947372044626976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549069656360404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188313427022864,0.0,0.06795573677618293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308258566806192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384659527708764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851841772969619,0.0,0.10827094571509163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971845474971998,0.07057888150020024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35701436247400026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521899423389102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225106816965298,0.3707183871352404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421428278927788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625918416811447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19190032246660502,0.10581454476994698,0.0,0.0,0.08898219963239498,0.09372851605764664,0.1164230762018694,0.11820364077721295,0.13526965315441075,0.0,0.0,0.08082192760790749,0.05936340919149706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073570688597884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060047322768416976,0.0808081996820925,0.16332392179620034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813654412489056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037481584693479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555918710424367 ptsd,Some_Guy_Named_Tim,2019/04/10,"PTSD I'm 18 and I recently received a PTSD diagnosis. People with PTSD, what caused it? How have you coped? Does it ever get better?",-0.17115384615384602,1.802590346153849,2.3226153846153856,87.67238461538462,107.07692307692308,5.1569230769230785,16.73846153846154,6.742157984588678,0.46405538461538504,103,3,20,2,5,35,22,26,0.0,0.865,0.135,0.5329999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21173156366476595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459317416146756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950225349565954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655276333433168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507763419214374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659711636614981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8395441798480413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363805369060132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Fatassmatilda,2019/04/10,"Ptsd and adult bed wetting? Help I'm a 22 yr old female and I have PTSD which causes me to have horrible terrifying night terrors so my dl psychiatrist put me on minipress to stop the nightmares and it worked. But Everytime I go to my primary doctor he lectures me on how I'm on too many meds (I am also bipolar, borderline and have paralyzing anxiety) so I thought I'd tell my psychiatrist to stop the minipress about a week ago so he said ok but he did ask me what I'd do if the terrors came back. Well I said I'm in therapy now so I should be able to handle it and also I wanted to please my primary. Well the night terrors cause me to be stuck in the nightmare and it's impossible to wake up and now I started to wet the bed. I'm so embarrassed this never happened to me before. I see my psychiatrist in a few days and I'm scared to tell him I need to go back on minipress and I was wrong and now I'm bed wetting. Should I be scared to tell him? I hate to seem like I'm going back n forth. Going off the med was a mistake I just need support I was hoping someone could tell me it's ok or something so I can gather the courage to tell my psychiatrist cuz this bed wetting is so embarrassing",0.5178796400449919,2.6745355629921264,3.0927390326209228,89.04639763779528,85.1023622047244,6.148256467941509,23.63835770528684,7.447530270364453,1.0979239595050618,939,37,206,16,28,326,120,254,0.185,0.708,0.107,-0.9746,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,21,18,1,7,12,2,17,3,1,4,1,33,44,25,0,9,5,0,4,1,0,2,2,2,4,1,8,11,0,2,2,0,0,6,1,10,2,0,9,7,31,8,25,29,1,31,0,0,1,0,16,9,0,4,17,130,39,3,0.10476227169643633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286543286512056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755670165214773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014285110082649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793858216902,0.0,0.0,0.24166716103634864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914497710776062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982012983309785,0.0,0.2152394222562361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836441493659717,0.0,0.0,0.06756299847770253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072286242388492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381552530103337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264093087844323,0.0,0.0,0.10343105430013046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021994242421026,0.0,0.0,0.1040525739754604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051181554204136316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621250041145193,0.0,0.0,0.2327345337823177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535979404996578,0.0807991223214807,0.0,0.0,0.1966245903923866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10993038123446153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499751480293392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449229788215008,0.10531501858851997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19930582140427314,0.0,0.2097706197883909,0.0,0.08348196692501933,0.09537163755667999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876473284196912,0.08065111497343068,0.0,0.0,0.07415127511519087,0.0,0.0,0.17517190016444514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888298443202892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578342152336261,0.0,0.1198047878073856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316954166766605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061791502143423674,0.0,0.08403397519206607,0.0,0.1883877273962782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626818150763964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454109824312345,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wonder-maker,2019/04/10,"I keep waking up to make sure my kids are still breathing Since our child died in a household accident nearly 10 years ago, I will wake up in a panic and won't be able to go back to sleep until I check to make sure they are all still breathing. As the years have passed, I do it less and less, but I just did it last night again and I really wish that would stop.",8.598461538461539,4.319146538461542,8.014102564102565,83.9142307692308,64.38461538461539,11.425641025641026,31.128205128205128,7.793537801064563,1.7407897435897437,282,4,69,2,3,89,57,78,0.11800000000000001,0.789,0.09300000000000001,-0.2525,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,9,5,5,2,3,14,14,6,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,9,2,11,9,3,18,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,11,47,12,0,0.21488621665417226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904836655715304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652342364724993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301796672872792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212478897937215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100074278747994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516094705443214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868764364709571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165615753840865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521226754218173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766161286471365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775609898922293,0.0,0.21504140490992504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34321682039972795,0.17965449909072773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050554322452852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471085441941289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264900292437167,0.0,0.0,0.2767593564078574 ptsd,cimbelina,2019/04/10,What's the purpose of flashbacks? What is the evolutionary purpose of them? Why do they exist?,2.459803921568625,5.264304000000003,3.278823529411767,81.6480392156863,97.23529411764706,4.6196078431372545,29.196078431372552,6.42735559955562,1.9542313725490192,76,4,12,1,3,24,13,17,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Mock-devil,2019/04/10,"I’m in hell Yeah and scared shitless will ruin me cops and doctors don’t talk to me It’s been two years of agony I’ve been poinsned and crushed craned into car I mite literally accedently hurt someone again and it’s annoying and I’m antagonized but can’t be me I commune with god and he just says no I hate him Like for example Are germs alive? Does bacterial dedicate? Is everything suffering? Does the son like overtake the father? Why’s no one love me? Is my mother suffering from my smoking? Has god ever made a mistake? I have like powers and shit and am tormented by spits. Once it was like someone dropped a toaster in the bathtub with me in it. I play around with my body like I’ve lived in individual parts of my head screaming. I’ve even felt orange juice screamed and been called Christ I’ve witnessed horror beyond belief for example A talking head resting on a pike and a man puking in a bathtub with like grinders on his back I can feel it happening to me Never sine a deal with your heart intact",1.6649669966996683,4.26149595049505,3.055866336633663,88.1445585808581,84.54455445544555,6.138943894389437,25.2483498349835,7.492282038375204,1.4663260726072616,810,34,160,14,24,263,127,202,0.228,0.603,0.16899999999999998,-0.9083,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,2,7,20,4,1,10,1,15,8,6,1,2,26,23,11,0,1,2,3,2,6,0,1,1,3,1,1,5,17,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,12,0,2,6,5,19,8,23,15,2,17,3,4,0,1,14,10,2,0,11,95,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217123836960135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416552737661932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649185226950232,0.0,0.0,0.15160614565876668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530677425769703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196701591892695,0.2598570672690362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806411865841658,0.13430109951115862,0.0,0.0,0.13343673748850088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507172279948207,0.0,0.14255605889127745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129298186451946,0.0,0.0,0.1465850073794439,0.30474947561796084,0.0,0.0,0.1759396095329638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589419625307018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352144654119765,0.0,0.1311031791928118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400145278703435,0.1404874566760749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145104825807804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811745215111705,0.10060822646641007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16078031882477614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807060819548193,0.14864601379990486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524040059652174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515990793426148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23867176217514166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503521955375956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397256278065894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956108690161664 ptsd,xepre,2019/04/10,"Ptsd? TW death of pets. Is it possible to have ptsd after the loss of a pet? Has anyone else experienced this? I watched my dog rapidly deteriorate from happy and healthy to unable to walk, disturbed breathing and unable to toilet within 48 hrs. I stayed up all night with him the second night as he could not sleep and I didn’t either. I also held him as he passed the next day. He was euthanised and it was the most traumatic experience I have ever had. This was over 12 months ago and I have nightmares every night that he is sick and cannot walk and I can’t help him. Every time I think of those 2 days I break down in tears and I feel absolutely heartbroken, guilty and awful. Intrusive images of him pop into my head every few days and since I am doing a nursing degree, when we talk about death, dying, end of life, etc. again those images come back to me and I break down. Does this sound like normal grief or ptsd? I cannot physically talk about it because my throat seizes up whenever I think about it and I can’t speak. Hoping you guys can help me work it out. Thanks.",1.948396464646464,4.242314689814819,3.0983501683501693,90.33621212121214,80.3425925925926,5.779124579124581,18.614478114478114,6.980632752743323,0.13886851851851878,847,19,176,10,22,272,131,216,0.158,0.755,0.086,-0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,0,2,8,7,0,1,6,1,19,6,4,0,2,30,26,17,4,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,2,1,11,17,0,1,3,0,0,4,6,3,0,1,6,5,26,4,27,19,5,32,0,2,1,0,16,9,0,3,17,114,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283741232543452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179602920536424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900610560582913,0.13042654588081412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788032803329448,0.0,0.07759652694993092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965150073776804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163296588868087,0.0,0.0,0.24628003171784904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210985935326638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139481229809528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633682460716576,0.0,0.11274366380753602,0.0,0.14196515245674124,0.0,0.11514365130569587,0.3217490950875591,0.0,0.0,0.12451681214965887,0.0,0.0,0.06436307896513697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603991346653765,0.0,0.13550558326297438,0.0,0.0,0.13063916633546488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706433998600325,0.0,0.0,0.12643050089740795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991068948083504,0.062188846344761066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160392150736433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537736753929352,0.3583670903410793,0.12471994540183196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435035383781456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463955149392627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529794339491906,0.0,0.1273847581631615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567721865584811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20462630805287732,0.0,0.11719413443231755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312820967760466,0.0,0.0,0.07422547213774443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926706954199846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gratefulg5,2019/04/10,"My 3 immediate family members died this past year. Hi guys. I recently lost my grandmother, mother, and aunt all within a year. (Aug 2017 - Sept. 2018) Back to back. When my mother was ill i had to make the decision to take her off life support by myself.. my aunt and grandmother were put on hospice so I had prepared for them. My mother went to the hospital with what we thought was the stomach flu and ended up only living 28 days after that. It came out of no where. We were all extremely close and I still cant level out. I am a 20 year old female. The only immediate family I have left is my father. My other grandparents passed away when I was younger. I have socially isolated myself the past 4 years due to being in a controlling relationship.. Prior to their deaths I was going to therapy for childhood trauma & bad psychosis. I have not been since because of insurance issues, etc. I should mention several family memebers had suffered from schizophrenia. I suffer from auditory hallucinations & apophenia or paranoia so to speak. (3 years ago I had a very weird situation happen with some people and they fucked my mind up to the point where It brought out the hallucinations. I did NOT have them before.) That is enough to drive me mad in itself at times. It's made me think that anyone who goes out of their way to befriend me is out to get me. And that ""I need not complain about anything because its insignificant. This is life right?"" I have experienced lots of friends and distant relatives deaths before and even grew up with family owning funeral home. I was never sheltered from anything. When I was a kid, an adult I was staying the weekend with died while I was there and I never got any explanation for it, I spent majority of my childhood thinking it was somehow my fault. I am not a religious person. I's hard to find comfort in anything at this point. It has manifested into a constant fear that If i get close to someone they will eventually die. My brain loops that it's a possibility the decisions I make could cause a butterfly effect that could result in that. I'm really tired of being isolated. I have things I want to achieve but I find myself seeking validation and lowering my standards more than ever now and i want to have the confidence in myself to not need that. I NEED to have a normal social life again for my sanity. And not feel guilty about it. I dont know exactly what I'm looking for, I will take any advice. Just putting this out here is a big step for me! What has helped you get back to forming new relationships based on who you are as a person, not your past?",3.856060437265008,5.9537639241517,5.087686023302236,79.33841108480716,73.43113772455091,8.173439168175276,27.220025066146768,8.907891778443368,2.3115175323771053,2070,78,380,44,43,685,259,501,0.098,0.863,0.039,-0.9618,2,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,2,3,6,4,21,14,2,1,23,0,44,9,2,7,6,75,75,22,6,10,11,6,2,0,1,3,6,1,1,5,30,28,0,1,10,1,1,10,12,11,0,0,25,5,67,3,66,43,10,79,0,3,1,1,35,32,1,5,35,284,97,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590888566151274,0.06885943922232407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833446585100034,0.0,0.10565136442468992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431629805284751,0.0,0.19177430888460145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298377151978569,0.17919547321320134,0.06486031465018728,0.094707122775232,0.0,0.13220146493136894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671758555630271,0.0,0.08884626597107148,0.0,0.07979969218809391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394546645797626,0.08712574528083221,0.12404377047236947,0.0,0.0,0.050097760208693484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418615593001016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104144732861967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880222885000717,0.08026514486942976,0.08663474804871464,0.0513075080602346,0.07026682990614665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29292259199150944,0.08741261970044087,0.03927780186396994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419978878430325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001607793894364,0.0718147490454892,0.1217552070661928,0.0,0.04414785099306229,0.0,0.06212851956677254,0.0,0.0,0.07691631332261338,0.06869297167428229,0.0,0.06958683677430504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05206787615557545,0.0,0.07792028588438482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107868732341214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04269139629795167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440053539984033,0.0,0.16460497090858753,0.0,0.0,0.06859366621738612,0.0,0.06523239949417779,0.0,0.08479788898498003,0.06604153131184888,0.0,0.07350355475968909,0.10370522050916074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843557419821175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279823017970036,0.1198246124754314,0.07502470639932131,0.0,0.0,0.07611079803425433,0.0,0.0,0.08151304712374252,0.0,0.0,0.11815966413273378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22246565352108214,0.0538541616683162,0.13565594766453115,0.0,0.0,0.1468671362228341,0.08757355362456305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561815392004248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049764379721815015,0.0,0.0767005265790815,0.1668004509434717,0.0,0.06633907222205923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775731667749807,0.0,0.06425845102266466,0.08731659691515545,0.0,0.15837180917672744,0.06581878248599787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827975136911256,0.06203607462478052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815137547418321,0.0,0.0,0.11681275278361432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883488990513945,0.0,0.05160774451897504,0.09954958030537504,0.0,0.061669965055040576,0.04529636298886687,0.08928277807999159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409488569248899,0.09163642606353058,0.06165949016622827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201098130432126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501197940594534 ptsd,femmetastic,2019/04/10,"How do I get this stupid intrusive memory out of my head I should preface this with I don’t have a formal diagnosis, and I know self diagnosis is annoying as hell and I’m sorry. But my mom was really abusive to me growing up which might’ve given me some kind of CPTSD type thing, and then I had a horrible miscarriage almost a year ago (found out I was pregnant a year ago today actually) that I think might’ve given me regular PTSD? Oh and my mom was super insensitive about the miscarriage recently (you can look in my post history if you’d like) and that kind of twisted the knife I guess. The night it happened (at least I think, it was a missed miscarriage so I didn’t bleed or expel anything, but I went to the doctor the next day and my pregnancy hormone levels had gone down) I went from feeling completely fine to being violently ill within minutes. I was basically projectile vomiting and completely terrified. And I have...it’s not a flashback because I don’t literally think I’m there...but this really distressing, intrusive, vivid recurring memory of half sitting half lying on the bathroom floor while it was happening. Specifically the feeling of the tiles on my skin. Like...cold and hard. The most random thing ever but I can just FEEL it and it’s freaking me out. It’s been popping up over and over and over again. For days. I try to replace it with happy thoughts or better memories and that hasn’t been working too well. Again I’m really sorry I don’t have a formal diagnosis but one of my friends who has bad PTSD said it sounds like it. I know someone suggested EMDR and I’m looking for a therapist but am in the process of moving from Canada to the US so can’t really start until I move in late June. Is there any way I can banish this awful feeling sooner?",2.812266981291085,5.1731257879656205,4.642461655149166,80.06102266981294,77.65329512893983,8.346570032024273,26.31055115455925,9.088552180705676,2.500255958199899,1416,56,264,37,34,480,185,349,0.16699999999999998,0.748,0.085,-0.983,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,2,0,3,11,18,4,1,19,1,29,6,2,1,1,48,58,29,0,2,10,2,6,2,1,1,4,2,0,1,20,19,0,0,11,0,0,6,7,8,1,3,19,11,35,10,37,36,3,47,1,1,3,0,10,18,1,8,22,180,55,4,0.0,0.11899894519604184,0.09800998431929102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805897576436938,0.0,0.10057105464335246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829918290806221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264937337944878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385895474024509,0.06122418897611751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882651620135833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060818471052128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954441644591522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279938624914917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908491261662888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031316330530604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012169491545908,0.0775957623812478,0.0,0.052473095214026745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064037657503112,0.0,0.17762851856870984,0.106914829350088,0.08996995199677807,0.0,0.10307519320504936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917500699705768,0.110392799950361,0.0,0.11329495319678935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720227169220396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868005856225207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21309113597609106,0.0,0.2352563056295147,0.0,0.2134928296765596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681366626966544,0.09425135945418817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805729433997686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618888107456453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348060704861829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573647006972086,0.0,0.09916735713722888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553659884045576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477551524398357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850981733795119,0.0,0.0,0.2248573181944576,0.071088346283862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661267161238778,0.1334489829475523,0.1930639049686156,0.0,0.07973409990801228,0.0,0.0,0.09520055120146632,0.0,0.0,0.06818871121752915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081083059103916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972055675405816,0.0,0.0,0.09030304590158596,0.18620833570014994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311781070565572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935357839563344 ptsd,leharris-,2019/04/10,"Alcohol and ptsd Sorry if this is difficult to read or triggers anyone. Whenever I drink it’s almost like I can get my head around things, like the abuse/molesting/grooming. I can’t remember huge chucks of my childhood or exactly what happened even through I know it’s happened. When I’m drinking I feel at peace and as though I can let the memories wash over me, and I can truly remember things and my brains feels like I can work through these horrible memories but as soon as I’m sober my brain gets all restricted again but still have huge amounts of anxiety and always so hyper vigilant. I’m so tired. Why does my brain stop me, why can’t I move past this. Why am I now becoming an alcoholic. Just fucking why.",3.5188297872340435,5.492441113475177,4.391081560283691,84.50875,74.0354609929078,8.955319148936171,29.48049645390071,9.516144504307137,2.8271177304964543,571,25,113,15,12,184,91,141,0.126,0.76,0.114,-0.5591,0,0,4,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,11,5,1,0,3,0,10,11,4,1,2,23,21,17,0,1,6,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,8,6,4,2,5,3,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,17,3,11,20,2,14,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,4,11,70,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26209801235941604,0.12279138722608045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203395862189296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380791378753553,0.0,0.0,0.08574236490203127,0.0,0.0,0.10916239280284327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354298579773547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106707082811857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073101061915357,0.0,0.0,0.2402519510203142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080992763424972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240059334195969,0.08760344069893385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336498691451835,0.12813317263552093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21687405271141946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258487942393359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739158246747086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539253691873462,0.0,0.17972538130394206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033114155842665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705959307594048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433422530287096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265834676067718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27782080987157504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726883011690988,0.0,0.0,0.0979286132937906,0.10252012676683764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629334185482026,0.0,0.12047859970181594,0.0,0.0,0.1409395855762006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426005446712829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927257886794833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RealOffDuty,2019/04/10,"PTSD IS REAL. Most everyone here already knows this. This is to the people who dis-believe in it and I hope to reach the ignorant or misinformed. The insomnia is real. No one chooses to stay up all night and go to bed at 4AM, be tired as hell in the morning ,and feel like ran over garbage. The triggers are real. Certain movies, noises and visuals can cause anger, fear, anxiety, depression, and sadness to the point of crying (even for non-cryers). This is due to the feeling of re-living the event(s). The trust issues and suspicions about people are real and don't take it personally. Ever hear ""I like to keep most things to my self""? That's an auto-response, nothing personal. The nightmares are real. Sometimes nightmares of re-living the event and then waking up feeling a chaos of bad emotions; often ruining your entire day/days. Anxiety is real and is often because of [insert event(s)]. Creating it for people who didn't have it prior. Avoiding talking about it and avoiding things that remind you of it doesn't make the problem invalid, and aren't just ""faking it"". It's a logical, natural coping mechanism to avoid thinking about it. An aversion to being physically touched is real. Ever hear ""don't touch me"", or the person is uncomfortable with being touched? Well the [insert event] is *likely* related to that. Again, don't take it personally. Point being: no one fakes anything I listed above for the sake of feeling pity or ""just playing the victim"". It's a real problem just like anything else and it doesn't *only* apply to veterans and law enforcement. Hope I could shed some insight.",3.8533255406195215,6.504214288135593,4.897241379310348,78.07000000000005,75.61016949152544,7.052016364699006,29.155464640561075,8.104835398774808,2.4807767387492703,1265,56,203,22,29,413,160,295,0.196,0.6859999999999999,0.11800000000000001,-0.9825,0,3,0,0,0,0,66.0,0,2,0,0,14,27,3,4,21,0,26,3,1,3,4,60,42,18,0,5,6,0,7,4,0,0,2,2,1,5,22,14,0,5,9,1,0,2,9,17,1,2,2,9,8,10,33,35,4,20,1,4,0,0,12,8,1,10,13,146,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595276485047956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917018245654475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281924929181887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650343010606457,0.04748058630589908,0.0,0.0,0.08775455376381662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001375316011318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062188257620289074,0.0,0.08555772417740119,0.10046429276355047,0.0,0.06708592860952016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506650460675394,0.08761496406599469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05144513935612196,0.1409106383568964,0.0,0.0744265514327206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764710218811414,0.15753265491840698,0.055644122070328976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044266276661595716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755737741439571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472327294830746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129617917259856,0.0,0.06923157692603232,0.0,0.0,0.042805915057834334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221108481012255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199170377547603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309381931965747,0.0,0.07473687139364339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555959308552902,0.059238312455602626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199587292454726,0.2720396837006971,0.0,0.0,0.14726110418280372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905905662589006,0.09104840816443607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7092404843288138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125551318005356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703449629318639,0.0,0.0,0.08301961625537768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171261005011239,0.06260445835566343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349236238551672,0.049908309965483615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952227722762407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003182298238941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pencilbend,2019/04/10,"I think I might get help I have been doing research to try and ""self help"" for eight years now. I had a tough deployment in 10'-11'. I have finally found myself in a situation where I might be able to get some professional help without hurting my unit. I'm so tired of not being able to be around my kids for long or be in public with them. God, I hope this ends soon.",2.5658333333333303,3.9127993552631612,3.789473684210528,90.45464912280704,75.1842105263158,7.171929824561403,21.87719298245614,7.793537801064563,0.6591824561403512,285,7,65,4,6,93,54,76,0.067,0.738,0.195,0.8449,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,11,1,0,0,0,12,17,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,11,1,12,8,1,11,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,5,6,46,12,2,0.3891026100519072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319190874502613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231471036630708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131214450632707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331546413829844,0.0,0.0,0.20329005413413595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912109163801803,0.0,0.0,0.1932333437451034,0.0,0.0,0.2082711958360817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217178277543316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127763798894815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029594412050967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186838182293134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466062062323972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22360810547420829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320875654295589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875405154655093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528466182162232 ptsd,BrowncoatIona,2019/04/10,"Nightmares every night I was doing better for a while. But the trial is drawing closer, and every night I have just the most terrible dreams. I feel exhausted all the time. They are growing more vivid and long lasting.",4.058499999999999,6.817819850000002,4.240000000000002,82.47500000000002,75.5,6.0,25.0,7.1686216300943375,1.4209999999999998,174,6,28,2,4,54,33,40,0.133,0.6970000000000001,0.17,0.1742,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,0,1,7,6,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,5,3,8,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,6,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917805866872473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5559306213428908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681355298400818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689225272398143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919619711210133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6192006201227809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923744937049921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,madcrid,2019/04/10,I can’t sleep Hi i don’t know what’s going on with me. I want to be able to sleep but I can’t. How do I get rid of this cluster fuck of emotions that always hit me whenever I’m triggered. It’s so exhausting and draining and I can’t even rest. I want to let go of this anger sadness sorrow pity evruthing. I want to return back to the old me before any of this happens to me,-1.7635098039215684,0.15201107058823735,1.0548529411764704,100.11600490196079,97.11764705882356,3.774509803921569,17.67156862745098,5.46131890053228,-0.6319607843137254,291,9,72,2,12,100,53,85,0.289,0.667,0.044000000000000004,-0.9806,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,1,0,7,4,2,2,0,10,18,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,0,0,12,0,12,15,1,6,0,3,0,1,1,1,1,0,3,46,18,0,0.23597182460246036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19634746137798811,0.0,0.0,0.16046893254833106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144776744782906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007946425905768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654365417384865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558571646466439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21815214944565064,0.12328553897689246,0.0,0.26821645178882025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20866910518703732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968394360516433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412971782362709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24761273518682544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4722844812642034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175468879090712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,00187071a,2019/04/10,"Having a bad night Tonight is a really bad night. I’m so scared. I had a flashback and I’m still having the auditory hallucinations and every little noise makes me think something terrible is going to happen. I’m house sitting for a friend, so I’m alone in a house that’s not mine. Idk why that makes it worse, but it does. I’m also drunk because I decided to deal with my symptoms by raiding her liquor cabinet. I’m trying to distract myself with video games and movies but I keep hearing things and getting that awful adrenaline spike where I can’t move",3.1669090909090905,5.349566418181824,4.361818181818183,83.38272727272731,75.72727272727272,6.945454545454545,25.54545454545455,7.908726449838941,1.5850181818181819,446,16,84,7,10,146,75,110,0.209,0.7609999999999999,0.03,-0.9536,0,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,6,1,6,3,0,2,0,14,20,9,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,6,6,2,1,2,4,0,2,2,5,0,0,1,1,9,1,8,19,0,10,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857176734071994,0.0,0.1433992309566413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994433466346569,0.10930959072163912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18486729682119613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692095792735014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108176994301306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853937748258982,0.0,0.09368539882137604,0.0,0.10190962161831392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856886787680266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021025737707141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138140155761281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938462280231036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797221041391064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23939012985237265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058491606195568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33655251949239395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148746539965723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952696166938234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804649708366198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320227937460342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863783604920408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912982394839215,0.1148986851339264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217440400546866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180512701436248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273869364202328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ohhoneyno_,2019/04/10,"I see my new therapist tomorrow to start tackling the trauma caused by my rape and strangulation in November. I’ve been slacking with an already slacking mental health team and It’s been two months since my nervous breakdown that ended up with me losing my job. I have an interview with disability (for bipolar disorder) later this month, but the stress it has caused me this week to go to three, will be four by Friday, job interviews this week has me dreading going back. I have been a nervous wreck of a person. I’ve considered inpatient but then I wouldn’t be able to take the job shadowing I was offered at one place or at a job I am sort of expecting I might get by Thursday. It’s unfortunate. I don’t want to work in this field (kitchen), but it’s where I excel and it’s where my experience is. Anyways, back to the point, the nervous breakdown has pass d and I can’t go inpatient right now, so I found a new therapist. I meet with her tomorrow. I feel.. agitated by the whole thing. I don’t want to go, but I know I have to. This is going to end up killing me if I don’t and I still believe I might be happy one day. I hope it goes well.",1.9230536130536109,3.9317871794871806,3.7368142968142974,87.21601398601402,78.91452991452991,7.331468531468532,25.593628593628594,8.296473431620573,1.6766905982905986,896,35,190,18,22,301,123,234,0.16699999999999998,0.7559999999999999,0.077,-0.9690000000000001,4,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,4,9,13,2,5,12,0,24,4,0,2,0,28,39,13,1,6,6,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,13,9,1,0,3,1,0,6,5,9,1,5,5,2,30,4,26,27,1,36,0,1,1,1,7,11,0,6,19,132,43,9,0.1102498971303376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216635030206916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955073114643365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421387997810265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265140281694612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110206290264362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635593371451234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529736990862068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784555469009298,0.0,0.0,0.05574566062785658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088332162264485,0.0,0.0,0.05760102085390624,0.0,0.3132877862452363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736306558375124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719048513193378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950302423932247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43762404425462575,0.0,0.12197517629348968,0.0,0.06059046017893442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12334143405733712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110596525483274,0.23391543641702914,0.0,0.0,0.17600083208812525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21296007531814695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494163671705621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096265957637438,0.1151876770067593,0.0,0.10422178870418823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415280975410477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785489391057863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119985419721628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780354446419593,0.0,0.08804571026388554,0.0,0.12629088466728214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289420187302332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560172561568018,0.07324513275176263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769812955972724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005649160762206,0.0,0.1768716346133564,0.0,0.09912789800053694,0.0,0.0,0.12309007289521134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026323818082325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,squeakers4269,2019/04/10,"Advice appreciated I want to leave my abusive boyfriend for good this time. I want to know, how did you get over the pain? Did you ever regret it? How did you end it? How long did it take you to heal from missing them? Any advice is appreciated.",0.9165986394557812,3.3756860000000017,2.766428571428573,89.77440476190479,86.95918367346941,4.899319727891157,18.37074829931973,6.42735559955562,-0.13239047619047686,190,5,41,2,6,63,33,49,0.23,0.58,0.19,-0.5514,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,3,1,8,11,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,8,1,6,7,0,5,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,28,12,0,0.0,0.31779140092685304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5241939872132009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18239567571590887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375592419500264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24261619319232125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013148109474474,0.0,0.0,0.22496635979572724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474041744263711,0.0,0.0,0.2840013910352296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23736219684534804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854001059211645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016646078564383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639856200279653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164007950690058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,leynet,2019/04/10,"is it sexual assault? trigger warning My PTSD symptoms are usually under control now, but I had an experience that caused me to have severe flashbacks yesterday. I was in places in my memory I normally don't go. I had some bad re-experiencing of my ex husband having sex with me. He would do it without any foreplay or anything, like, it, was a very straightforward act of physical domination, it wasn't a loving thing. But I wouldn't fight him or try to stop him because he would do it right near where our young children were sleeping. I was afraid if I fought him at all he would do something to wake them up, or he would hurt me enough that I would cry out and wake them up, and then they would come out and see me like that. I didn't want them to hear anything like that or see anything like that. Re-experiencing that, feeling that dead feeling like that, that helplessness... I never talked to anyone about any of that. (I did get an order of protection based on other things he did). I don't know what to call that sex part of it. I didn't get physically hurt. I didn't actively resist- though I did ask him to stop doing that to me, and he would laugh at me, and he didn't stop. I just went dead and I could tell that was what he enjoyed about it. We hadn't done anything a person could call normal sex or lovemaking in a long time, by that point. He wasn't interested in that sort of thing anymore. But I don't have language for what to call what happened.",5.109495291902071,5.29539179322034,5.6816666666666675,83.5182438794727,68.35593220338984,8.860640301318268,29.609227871939737,8.680891452615391,2.0013917137476454,1149,39,243,17,18,372,140,295,0.187,0.715,0.098,-0.9837,0,0,1,0,1,0,37.0,2,0,4,1,6,17,3,1,6,0,40,9,3,3,2,48,56,17,2,14,11,2,2,5,0,8,1,1,0,2,30,11,0,5,3,0,0,4,13,8,0,0,20,5,37,9,34,26,4,33,0,3,2,5,33,17,0,8,16,172,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853946964399446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372807805552336,0.06608327476655433,0.0,0.3110932274227477,0.0,0.08835367133178078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789115265238293,0.057612144430536624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895144518347004,0.0,0.0,0.09708734163034168,0.0,0.08141160881601814,0.0,0.0,0.10600049655505234,0.15091637061180854,0.0,0.10381430276997324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671608259181813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765362907138966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244847479095236,0.0,0.0,0.09557373627626786,0.06751764135288092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875467819972472,0.0,0.053711955197846696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357448287926446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651913151438216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023488557831065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051939977002492005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308629611667184,0.0,0.0,0.08363797764470046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529855870973257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289159123386453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519858530512184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234463268424844,0.0,0.0,0.08252209359436047,0.09874236434305243,0.0,0.08934207286869493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104766063237983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071063924760256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062375020080526,0.0,0.0,0.1067688903454384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457780359526224,0.0,0.0,0.07275806885387201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23704264679342005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823160943615562,0.0,0.07596319627447155,0.08260551231461706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836383645722934,0.0,0.09285515295363864,0.0,0.05510927858902466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416578063171863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408891703769288,0.0779802765318538,0.055744181205882704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761129963446015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110383355000028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4699581086046581,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,piercetheissues,2019/04/10,"Nonstop nightmares I’ve had 6 nightmares in the last 2 days, every time I finally fall asleep. I’m sitting here after the last one desperately searching for some help. Anyone have any tips or recommendations for sleep?",4.941923076923079,8.000846205128205,5.156089743589742,75.46182692307694,74.12820512820512,6.976923076923077,30.262820512820515,8.07648339933343,2.5564820512820514,178,8,28,3,4,56,33,39,0.07,0.858,0.07200000000000001,0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,13,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376979434159977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24440521731899265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225423204635328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945009857163254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38290198258834907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342880690204673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5698405255112033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368561117465453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497906047015704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20381851924596706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,savanna___,2019/04/10,"when tv is a trigger i’ve been watching the act since it came out on hulu. dee dee reminds me so much of my foster mom is makes me sick to my stomach. the sweet talk, lie after lie. i’ve never been able to watch shameless because it’s too close to home.",2.3153636363636347,3.1079510363636373,3.717954545454546,92.8969318181818,75.0,5.5,24.65909090909091,3.1291,0.16345454545454574,197,6,45,0,4,65,43,55,0.10099999999999999,0.847,0.053,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,4,2,1,2,1,6,6,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,4,1,7,3,1,8,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,3,25,6,0,0.3542471353066625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21594576567990656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051643502771729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553387602585095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364627135912841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148899634261295,0.0,0.0,0.26041240464819465,0.0,0.2732172293916647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930368910145597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284730428716503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,T2DR,2019/04/10,"How do you know if your therapist is right for you? I'm sure this has been discussed a million times, and am aware there probably isn't a perfect answer for everyone, so maybe this is a fruitless question. I've read as much online as I can to help me try to think through this, but just wanted to get feedback from somewhere that seems more real. My mind is all over the place, having a hard time rationalizing anything, fighting with myself the second I think I know. Just don't trust myself to really know. Don't want to give up if my expectations are out of line, but don't want to be sitting here a year from now without progress. Appreciate any thoughts around what questions I should be asking myself to help me think through if this therapist is right for me?",8.527018216682645,6.920524865771817,7.83760306807287,76.7830201342282,62.087248322147644,10.661936720997122,36.72195589645254,9.23628265651192,3.1133674017257897,611,23,119,8,7,191,96,149,0.134,0.8190000000000001,0.047,-0.9012,0,0,0,0,3,0,13.0,0,3,0,2,8,4,1,0,7,0,18,0,0,1,3,34,33,10,0,8,8,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,11,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,2,1,15,3,23,28,3,12,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,6,4,87,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319240293402113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487393079792873,0.1350860064332859,0.14186191491253242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499969259618567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792809599466222,0.14556847666498415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593450379785038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20342413126126066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25018670374490826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524491338902008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322008231692424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115506829274329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854214858933416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636077255847373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33998023166914265,0.0,0.15178694598179854,0.1727200344244954,0.09721229729457392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591803071653689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814375124182995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430186973724758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35237732821596424,0.0,0.2916979006960449,0.0,0.12046927964518668,0.17696848749453525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030254926033714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685109573342616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462776145967218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771937243178958 ptsd,TheAbnormal99,2019/04/10,"Anxiety attack talking about colors? To start off my question, I was diagnosed after I had an extremely bad trip on LSD. Today at work ,(everyone is aware of the incident, but doesn’t know about my mental issues caused by it) one of my coworkers got talking about how he is colorblind. Somehow that led into a discussion on how everyone sees colors differently. He kept trying to “blow my mind” with different weird facts about the brain, colors, and various other things. After the whole discussion I had a few moments where absolutely nothing seemed real, and my coworkers could tell I was distressed but I think I managed to play it off pretty well. Basically, is it normal to be triggered by such innocent topics? I felt silly panicking over this, but it took a while to calm myself down",7.297731157731158,8.282416006993008,7.852820512820518,67.06162393162394,63.75524475524475,11.390520590520591,34.770007770007766,11.20814326018867,4.4251886557886575,631,27,98,18,9,209,99,143,0.10099999999999999,0.784,0.115,0.4962,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,1,1,7,0,10,2,1,5,1,24,19,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,5,1,0,3,1,4,1,1,8,5,13,4,24,9,3,18,0,0,4,0,8,9,0,3,6,78,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606961008169973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748090800729536,0.0,0.0,0.1375990001465538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396847335732186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16929239267963958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157736655658805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726595858240834,0.0,0.34435655231198337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149420811626306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582314106297672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180358774205891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720057383172804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056837724485936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607708450533334,0.0,0.16639846173739786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146652643226808,0.15812761281553792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167102765432302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765826823123758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846108770972142,0.0,0.0,0.18757559456220094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132224365027614,0.15002542328444618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664449433015682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649159207976373,0.14404024864039056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948411342018144,0.10559556169983153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15620872808751973,0.0,0.1830960479205527,0.11188666152442776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817271291700654,0.0,0.0,0.18399048503920434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199745176548788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,coolpizzanerd,2019/03/02,"Snippets of memories So I was gonna links a document describing how I've been feeling recently, but I'm not sure that's advisable considering triggers and what not, but basically, I've gone through a few traumatic events that have permanently scarred me and I used to only really have flashbacks when I was by myself and had time to think, which seems really minor but I'd be crying myself to sleep or choking up in the middle of the day. Recently, snippets of memories of the events have been flooding in like intrusive thoughts (which they basically are) whilst I'm in conversation with people. I have to carry on like normal cos I don't wanna make a scene, but it's getting harder and harder to pretend and I'm becoming too open about what's happening, it makes me uncomfortable. Is this normal? And is there a way to make it stop or at least not feel as shitty? TL/DR: I keep having mini flashbacks whilst I'm conversing with people and have to pretend it isn't happening, how do I make it stop",5.502775574940522,6.523968484536084,6.652680412371132,73.94580888183981,67.76288659793815,10.299127676447265,31.933386201427442,10.389873798559362,3.4768910388580494,802,33,145,21,13,270,109,194,0.14400000000000002,0.797,0.059000000000000004,-0.9483,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,7,0,18,1,1,9,1,41,38,18,0,3,9,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,10,0,3,6,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,2,12,3,24,29,2,21,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,3,13,97,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332573342254127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823350250672507,0.10705146446756507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786164463596867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672425785564865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29357333284871273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754180800881644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219115358200334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432052723391384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32527491677953746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624481647195238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23015667168552675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267815987573185,0.0,0.3277952412051839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111338601234325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611243084257815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27755441393499897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644601676695533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636132548070057,0.0,0.1317795455386453,0.09679159253453322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14336427007353586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317571622587777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kawisabee,2019/03/02,"My SO jokes about sexual assault and molestation but it’s ok because it doesn’t happen to guys. I guess the dynamic is different because I am a male who was drugged and sexually assaulted about 3 years ago. My SO knew about this since the day it happened but last night we were with a friend and this friend started joking about being assaulted and molested. I was very clearly uncomfortable but my SO continued to joke along with it encouraging it. I don’t blame this friend because she didn’t know and I started panicking as I heard it so it wasn’t exactly easy to bring it up and I had to say I was leaving and haven’t spoken to anyone since last night. I cried and wanted to throw my body away and just cut off various parts of my body in an effort to remove any association with it and I was absolutely mortified with how SO kept joking about something she knew I was very uncomfortable with for years but she said she didn’t know it would offend or trigger me. I don’t know what to do, it’s not the first time she’s done that either. I just don’t want to be in this compromised body anymore I fucking hate it. I can’t explain the dirtiness and shame I feel in my lower body and how disgusted I am looking in the mirror. and seeing the same used flesh and it’s all a joke apparently. ",3.371642036124797,5.0226199463601535,4.719211822660103,83.3648275862069,73.67432950191571,8.343076081007116,26.604816639299397,8.976282227363876,2.0417161466885605,1030,37,210,22,21,342,132,261,0.187,0.653,0.159,-0.8556,3,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,2,14,22,10,1,10,1,24,7,5,4,3,50,47,27,0,3,9,0,1,0,3,1,1,3,0,2,20,21,0,1,7,5,0,3,10,11,0,1,16,6,30,11,30,28,5,23,0,0,2,1,17,7,1,2,13,149,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104420379420903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010634187669667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682347040883813,0.08236675342511983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067463226150999,0.0,0.0,0.21542479445967516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5233858836838372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129395026327945,0.07596964465887253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307331931095243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054774457266468,0.0,0.0,0.1366077059099668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059561957224378986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001984963604828,0.0,0.0,0.2730301771484917,0.10890189388756713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976723079127342,0.11663804863227098,0.20833588675094655,0.0,0.0,0.11630064708372395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942152818750384,0.19204137526721535,0.0,0.12473054766473934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892023494013097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22108995455901384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756321708430812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120524012527679,0.0936773028851314,0.0,0.0,0.09386935905176733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948866244792428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068627331416436,0.0,0.0,0.1667553586557429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868867163459291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173922148972614,0.0,0.19439055439705968,0.13896003926833073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367996676124317,0.0,0.0,0.15171546031353084 ptsd,pondmermaid,2019/03/02,"Numbness, or faking? I've had PTSD since I was 4 years old and it went undiagnosed until I was 19. The first time I told the story of the trauma I was visibly shaking and sweating, but a couple years later I seem to say it so casually. I seem to be completely numb to triggers lately. However, as I've numbed to triggers, I've noticed my post-traumatic OCD coming out severely. I don't think I've had a flashback in a while. (Also, is it normal for people with PTSD to have flashbacks of something that triggered them really badly? Because that's me.) Anyways, I'm just worried that I'm ""faking"" this or that I don't fit criteria anymore, even though I haven't even told the entire story of my trauma yet let alone processed the entirety of it. Help! 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Whether of not I get an offer isn't so much of an issue, I'm just really scared at the possibility of working somewhere I hate, or that is as toxic as my former employer. My boss at my old job sexually harassed and emotionally abused me, and this resurfaced a lot of trauma that I had spent years working through. My co-workers were complacent (possibly out of fear of retaliation if they spoke out, since this organization has a history of sexual harassment being reported and unresolved) and HR was no help. This was my dream job, so I continued to stay as the abuse worsened my health and ability to complete assignments, which resulted in me being fired for ""not being a good fit."" Part of me wishes I never started working there, but another part of me blames myself for not doing a ""better"" job and sticking through what was happening. I've now been unemployed since mid-October, and I feel scared and confused most of the time. I've had 3 other interviews, only 1 of which I genuinely enjoyed and could see myself working there, but I haven't recieved an offer. I dread the thought of reliving the experience at my old job. The majority of the interview yesterday also revolved around why I left my old job, and why I hadn't been working for several months (which was obviously pretty uncomfortable). DAE have experiences with an abusive employer and re-entering the workplace?",9.941774106175515,8.372511644366199,10.214507042253523,60.74002708559048,59.3169014084507,14.090574214517884,43.32502708559045,12.896187039172386,5.803698049837487,1233,61,204,38,13,416,158,284,0.157,0.78,0.063,-0.9758,11,0,0,0,2,0,35.0,0,0,1,6,9,12,3,5,18,0,21,1,0,2,2,40,35,23,0,3,9,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,17,0,0,3,1,1,2,8,9,0,0,15,5,28,3,38,16,7,29,0,0,1,0,8,11,0,7,15,150,38,21,0.0,0.28996462643292664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231269193953363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523673973810197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554012831851843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262042715512024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214783163339024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027097688742777,0.08553146346899218,0.0,0.0,0.06513223940312482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176264190718804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15959504374847225,0.0,0.09179630144266873,0.08249511231367923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04262038184861925,0.0,0.0,0.06842254204895674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213787616038371,0.0,0.0,0.08053995696600794,0.0,0.08671206085072775,0.0,0.0,0.0546790437288844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514472678683818,0.5666649877483477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863316322102288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935346791817233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022725219221387,0.0,0.05996815256831415,0.0,0.06291686649330673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568026082821011,0.0,0.0,0.062042644324491164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667891403939612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393061218105924,0.0,0.16598536283447946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05226002856001948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334472083659796,0.0,0.06500595076666713,0.0,0.0,0.0921582847320468,0.0,0.2024429021986767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774030388806116,0.08694975109475782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476267067102669,0.047567943912812334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562228165277739,0.14722030081902096,0.0,0.09380900970338836,0.0,0.0,0.3563322117171862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052532625359914716 ptsd,kindlikeasoul,2019/03/02,"I see him everywhere (tw: molestation) I thought I had gotten over everything that happen, but life is rarely that simple. It's been ten years since my 3rd grade teacher molested me. I though I had moved on until I saw a professor walking down the hall at my university a few days ago. He looks just like him. I keep telling myself it can't be him because my 3rd grade teacher would be ten years older now and this man looks exactly like my teacher did in 2009. I can't get out of my own head and whenever I see him I feel like I'm a helpless eight year old again. I've asked around and I can't avoid this man, he's the Dean of education (I'm a math and English edu major) and there is a required class I need to take to graduate that only he teaches. I just don't know what to do. Any advice on how do deal with this professor would be great. From what I've heard from other students he's a really nice guy and I feel horrible bring terrified of him just because he resembles my molester. So far I've been able to calm myself down when I walk past him in the hallway, but I'm scared I'll lose it when I take his class and have a panic attack. I'm almost a year free from panic attacks and clean from self harm so I just want to be able to cope with this in a healthy way. ",2.7295555555555566,3.741217103703704,4.140925925925926,89.4191666666667,74.25925925925927,7.622222222222224,24.98148148148148,8.07648339933343,1.2092370370370358,998,31,226,15,20,331,145,270,0.175,0.6970000000000001,0.128,-0.9570000000000001,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,14,19,5,4,12,0,20,2,1,1,1,32,44,17,0,4,6,0,2,3,0,2,1,1,1,4,13,12,0,3,4,0,1,4,4,12,0,3,9,8,33,8,27,29,3,32,0,2,5,0,20,13,0,1,17,133,46,12,0.25560280720311035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488605248157887,0.11328823319733453,0.0,0.1279746448324555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690933694592523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377034467640322,0.11947706044611073,0.2907850932128703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581309885153247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242133257667646,0.13175763537240284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485966087500213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292404593269339,0.0913013482688789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677095857340258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090149864930362,0.0,0.12654348247359096,0.11301435913423825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311611108010273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359575964085272,0.0,0.0,0.07023630912396699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902699109003052,0.18731193090442133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146419828386362,0.14297708029714576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583266651136552,0.0,0.09476312140484812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341060745697456,0.0,0.0,0.09719872639079033,0.0,0.2998948215514776,0.0,0.0,0.12200090076792793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187285168912539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279515001402765,0.0,0.20368234433387156,0.0,0.13332473640687434,0.0,0.0,0.1057186417224708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218150085489527,0.0,0.11170405982264377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556423015535986,0.10146003890432358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538057906438736,0.10144280551323173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815729006342838,0.0,0.0,0.3291996551431722 ptsd,mommastang,2019/03/02,"Ptsd and chronic headache relief My ptsd came from a road rage car incident (I refuse to call his deliberate actions an accident). I sustained a whiplash injury, and my headache developed within hours of the incident. The damage to soft tissue is permanent and I deal with chronic upper body pain. My constant headache has not gone way. It’s been years. There’s the vicious circle of body pain that causes tension, which inflames the headache. Pain, Stress, my anxiety, all the ptsd issues have left me without relief from this mother fucking headache for YEARS. Literally 24/7, years without a break from this headache. Ok, I’m venting. Sorry. Has anyone found something that has relieved them from a chronic tension headache? I’m desperate. Much appreciated! I have tried ",4.788881578947368,8.182283917293237,4.154130639097748,80.0850305451128,78.24812030075188,6.332518796992482,33.87640977443609,7.645422480735847,2.9742484962406017,623,34,94,10,16,186,85,133,0.24100000000000002,0.667,0.09300000000000001,-0.9633,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,1,14,3,3,10,1,7,10,2,1,1,12,13,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,0,4,3,10,0,0,4,1,11,4,13,9,2,15,0,1,0,1,6,4,1,0,5,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642492593562247,0.0,0.0,0.09727457381592758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090575788136561,0.0,0.0,0.14205508133618178,0.159113985438841,0.0,0.14291255712394954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033718729383838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342459883294245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525357590109567,0.0,0.12861239365578467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370032540812796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520309810632054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511521662037343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226777240628544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4440942348646436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4878646602218544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070998700417362,0.0,0.15573126497140785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935925395088096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445202264213064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042543108868584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268209667661891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26876238523901463 ptsd,jilifive,2019/03/02,"Night terrors (tw sexual abuse) I’ve stopped smoking weed; my night terrors have gotten worse. My friends have the emotional intelligence of feral dogs so I’ll be blessing the infinite void of the internet with my shit. My night terrors are not flashbacks to when I was raped as an adult or molested as a child but they are related. It starts with the same nightmare; its me telling someone about what happened. I get questioned to the point where I am not sure about what happened. I start doubting whether or not I was actually abused until I spiral to the point of convincing myself I wasn’t raped, that I must have fabricated everything or misunderstood everything. This stresses me to the point of waking up with a panic attack, convinced for a few minutes that I am some monster who lied about being raped. Even though this is only a few minutes a few days a week, it is utter psychological torture to have to re-validate that I was abused. I do not understand why it manifested this way in my dreams, I’d almost rather have flashes of the rape and be positive as to who the real monsters are. I have a laundry list of symptoms from ptsd but I hate this one the most. Explaining that I have sleep issues is embarrassing. Being afraid to sleep is embarrassing. I can usually fall asleep fine, staying asleep is my issue.",5.227767402376912,7.064049790322581,5.677945670628188,77.6027079796265,69.24193548387098,8.76943972835314,32.407470288624786,9.276330184999452,3.0685693548387096,1060,48,187,22,19,340,141,248,0.268,0.624,0.10800000000000001,-0.9942,0,0,0,0,3,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,9,24,9,9,18,0,28,11,6,0,2,27,37,14,0,2,11,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,16,4,0,1,3,1,0,1,5,18,0,2,5,0,25,6,28,27,6,21,1,0,0,4,9,6,1,8,12,140,41,0,0.0,0.4162767030653631,0.11428469127102668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172710312173248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323212495859565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552773190523161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13173555170367549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735155618447098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21050593097903528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048065673382001,0.0,0.061186332476434124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20712400421799887,0.0,0.0,0.11562413030608512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24446958641987865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329705823092648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935831156800567,0.08906916594128182,0.0,0.13740602689743986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321268748578441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689798779405854,0.0,0.1311925555917133,0.0,0.0,0.1332994133617145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021407209317915,0.0,0.0,0.2343937134387516,0.0,0.09922885448816048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16578534859371308,0.1248261078026779,0.0,0.0979111097127857,0.13415172063693195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103769375859033,0.12172450002824466,0.0,0.0,0.10236129433071096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506222012654617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219180132828875,0.0,0.0,0.12898263051598902,0.0,0.0,0.09295827644366472,0.0939404066166762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567561671769823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934741812657895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SilkySusan,2019/03/02,"Trapped With Triggers What should I do when I’m trapped in a triggering situation that I have no way out of? I’m so afraid of embarrassing/hurting myself or others, especially in a public setting. What are some ways you cope with this?",2.8520000000000003,5.6070946444444445,4.177777777777782,81.14000000000001,80.33333333333334,7.155555555555559,29.0,8.238735603445708,2.4004666666666674,189,9,35,4,5,62,35,45,0.21100000000000002,0.789,0.0,-0.8541,0,2,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,8,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,7,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,1,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4821547515106524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5062603189772849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7150015979175982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AshleyB7197,2019/03/02,"TW: S*xual Abuse After surviving literally COUNTLESS sexual assaults, I sometimes have thoughts that people only like me for my sexuality and they do not care about my personality- I send nudes and vulgar flirty messages very soon because I feel it’s all I’m worth. Has anyone found good coping mechanisms for this? To remind me I’m worth MORE than my body? I have a list of my phone of random things that I like about myself and that make me who I am, but I’m still having the intrusive thoughts.",3.6793567251462,6.153457894736838,4.922456140350878,78.57163742690062,75.3157894736842,7.590643274853799,24.239766081871338,8.515128840125781,1.850309941520468,400,13,71,8,9,132,69,95,0.07200000000000001,0.802,0.126,0.2373,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,1,0,2,0,6,2,2,1,1,12,15,4,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,15,4,9,12,2,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,5,48,22,0,0.0,0.3041047965094201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946539316992105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564599543245009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28509577435360034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26168599052610864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297769989315036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28141876021143103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152775338401668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25078607100219924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132517163026906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19520449055433367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793845759218074,0.2241090506551653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538471975428284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497215241772426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051611565462987,0.0,0.0,0.4075249942332155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117746288561846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,j0nb1az3,2019/03/02,"I found it today (TW past suicide attempt issues) 2/5/2016 I decided was the day I had enough of my life. I was about a month into my first ever bout of night terrors, undiagnosed, and not in any type of therapy. &#x200B; I had a full blown panic attack for the first time in my life.. I held a gun to my head, apologized to my wife for having to have met me, confessed about my abuse as a child, and pulled the trigger. I willingly tried to throw my life away... I black out from here and friends/family have filled in the rest. my wife filling in the worst details of it all. &#x200B; I got into therapy and 3 years later I am different or I thought I was different &#x200B; &#x200B; TONIGHT: we are cleaning the house right now and packing up to move back home. (1600 mile move) I moved our bed aside and broke it down. I kept noticing something shine in the floorboard but I ignored it. After cleaning the room and sweeping I noticed it was a bullet. I have not had any guns in 3 years.. I got rid of all of them because I cannot trust myself. I found the bullet that I carved my mother's initials into because that's how I was going to thank her for giving birth to me. I found the only bullet I loaded into the magazine of my 1911 and made sure it was in the chamber.. &#x200B; I can't help but feel like I do not belong here right now... I am reminded that I wanted to give everything up for silence.. how can I forgive myself and get over this guilt? Will I ever allow myself to move on? ",2.8729470198675493,4.548942758278148,4.007954966887418,87.84333642384104,75.05960264900662,6.421403973509934,25.98728476821192,7.087006719466742,1.1620607682119206,1171,42,236,12,25,381,159,302,0.102,0.8320000000000001,0.066,-0.8081,2,0,1,2,1,1,60.0,2,0,1,3,11,12,1,3,17,0,22,4,1,5,5,43,39,15,1,1,6,3,1,1,0,2,3,0,6,1,10,15,0,3,8,0,0,9,5,7,0,2,19,3,49,5,43,18,6,51,1,1,2,0,15,23,0,1,20,173,59,1,0.0,0.0844111280775353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859579935402662,0.4328393061350709,0.09689516266796644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810490273496497,0.06693500317804423,0.05478135444473484,0.0,0.08685796077591078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04594574477248997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14886723092507625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361290893914656,0.0,0.0,0.12888647394178487,0.0,0.0,0.06402848022759305,0.0,0.067161418962013,0.0,0.03602252580052935,0.05089590660334945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119826441305699,0.0,0.2343423249250769,0.0,0.0,0.03722144892493756,0.1366852677594886,0.04048895370833701,0.0,0.1139588313416148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311571813442863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047752580928249765,0.0,0.07146238779797068,0.0,0.0,0.08220468418220446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435902640620595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096279654308192,0.03480565811919503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067411707684955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056865363540431126,0.3028795013228894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685658903331122,0.0,0.0,0.1622209148854291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054183398100337024,0.0,0.08358813488472253,0.0,0.0,0.06800936206026972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168201005639345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484622689457636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792811522029433,0.0,0.06714554343369193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559084492439461,0.1629448167531252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655886536132161,0.041542279022833264,0.0,0.06752989202786837,0.0,0.0,0.04836921895855908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04202087903969316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328393061350709,0.09175611981478723 ptsd,colourfulsoul369,2019/03/02,"Want to Share a bit of my Story (TW: sexual abuse) So right now I'm going through a formal process of bringing ti light some sexual harassment I've suffered, and it's triggered me badly regarding the sexual abuse I endured as a very young adult. I have rarely spoken about it since it happened. I was disssauded from being public about it, and I now realize that those people although well meaning were wrong. Because being secret has only added to my shame and has crushed my self esteem. Now I'm realizing I want to be more open, but I thought the Internet is a good place to start. Part of my issue with sharing is that I can't fathom if anyone would have gone through anything equally terrible, although I logically know that of course people have. This story is quite traumatic, so don't read if you're feeling fragile: Well I began being groomed by an older man (49) when I was 17. I was (am) autistic and extremely naive and with somewhat neglectful parents so I was the perfect target At age 18 he started with the sexual advances and I was lured into a three year thing you can't even call a relationship because it was so disturbed. He was also married with three kids and the craziest thing was I ended up living under his roof from age 19 to 22 and was sworn to absolute secrecy. His wife didn't have a clue, but later in the piece, he brainwashed her into watching while he had sex with me about once a week, and at the same time, concealing the real 'relationship' he and I had underneath, where he blackmailed me into having sex with him sometimes several times a day. And meantime all this was going on with his children around completely clueless because he was such as clever freakin bastard. Then on top of all that, he manipulated (through suggestiveness) his wife into 'having the idea' that the three of us go out and swing, which basically meant that once every few weeks he'd organize for us to meet with a guy or even a guy and his wife, and I would be effectively gang banged (gang raped if you take the level of sheer coercion into account). In the months leading up to my leaving, he started talking about organizing larger and larger gangbangs (gang rapes) and i have no doubt he would have followed through if I'd not been able to leave. He also photographed and videod a lot of our encounters and I have no doubt he's still watching me naked on tape often as there was no law requiring him to get rid of this. There were other elements to this abuse too, such as a high level of emotional abuse, cult like spiritual brainwashing, and even after I managed to leave him, it ended with stalking and so me filing for a protection order and an eight month battle through the legal system to get one. While I was on the cusp of leaving rhe relationship, I became acutely suicidal because it was so damn hard to get away from him and the people at the mental health center said they'd never seen someone so suidical. This man destroyed my life right on the cusp of adulthood. I never got to complete my university degree because I was trapped under him when I should have been there. Also the abuse most likely triggered my health genes, because now I have several quite severe chronic health conditions. I completely lost my ability to trust people, and most of my family and friend relationships have failed. Because I can't work, I can't afford proper health care or therapy. I have lost my sense of self under his control with the immense psychological brainwashing and I don't think I'll ever completely get it back or even half, especially without the proper help. I don't live with a victim mentality but I think it's fair to say that this man has pretty much destroyed me. Thank you for reading my account because I need to get it out.",7.807425917735517,7.395659820728293,7.768707061772081,72.83091110128262,62.8375350140056,10.48497714875424,35.876308418104095,9.87579492184292,3.4963759103641454,3008,122,529,53,38,970,338,714,0.18,0.7340000000000001,0.086,-0.9977,3,1,0,0,5,0,61.0,3,3,1,13,38,34,9,4,37,0,60,10,0,6,6,101,96,56,1,11,12,4,3,2,1,4,6,2,0,10,28,45,0,4,13,2,2,8,15,21,2,6,31,9,71,13,90,54,15,79,0,5,3,4,62,35,2,15,36,383,99,8,0.05869842088746886,0.3477401515741801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408233179296605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041043300690783435,0.0,0.048303798960793634,0.05225403937775418,0.0,0.0,0.0551490986576351,0.04513546242517461,0.049010729606358064,0.2862561004316466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408347285139394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993765060299802,0.0,0.059846952139454124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24617671006527755,0.0,0.06583527025333302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037855625473216095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602782290694477,0.10397875658386847,0.0,0.0,0.1550790135927245,0.05309608224073215,0.04945595123982634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553356471870275,0.0,0.029679685290912774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045350254369929816,0.0,0.1533375111286195,0.0,0.10007899588796622,0.04923345051269284,0.04694648938650537,0.0,0.0,0.11624133046235954,0.05190681973627678,0.0,0.052582255570315685,0.0,0.0,0.2495747061658904,0.0,0.0,0.03934431421126137,0.0620181044345486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626337238560571,0.0,0.061265901077998085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0322591170234285,0.0,0.0,0.24861260934772825,0.0,0.0,0.04146043059135815,0.05735416694770645,0.0,0.10366356209711612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281525207100063,0.04990329836313104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393978837819256,0.0,0.0,0.11830840447726945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370503907355324,0.0,0.04315009327915968,0.04352413532306775,0.0905436816625596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502380507187427,0.039775569120421635,0.04464279413706776,0.0,0.0,0.06517764990575903,0.06356466970177081,0.0,0.1627763768916787,0.0,0.06132735650536994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059717396505785836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486599189053373,0.11742861102758295,0.06681165368969524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520805470494424,0.0,0.10025626143035116,0.05583564006711342,0.046679340271817325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247050927109415,0.1989375232848016,0.0,0.04855594033085881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04973498153437687,0.0,0.058054239172442415,0.0,0.12464113326979423,0.0,0.046876634744573965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420654531166545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04413390739876361,0.04717956725268235,0.0,0.05404161957162061,0.06712675990292634,0.0,0.07799324520255592,0.07522315593267134,0.0,0.046599989507411635,0.0684550425193594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412139459633729,0.0,0.0,0.04843234462810205,0.06924369892614686,0.0,0.09416866520352106,0.0,0.1055538595495791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056583183077485874,0.0,0.04273314950089602,0.0,0.0,0.12509302217546292,0.0641775086079628,0.0,0.037799858548205306 ptsd,rhaus3463,2019/04/22,"Massage Appointment cancelled 33F here. It’s been a rough go for a while. I’m plugging away with the help of a therapist and getting through a lot of childhood trauma - sexual, physical, and emotional. I was on anti-depressants, but weaned myself off around Thanksgiving. I’ve been using meditation, exercise, and other coping strategies to keep myself in a good place. I’ve thought for a while that I was doing pretty good! I’m staying busy and haven’t had any big issues. I have a really weird job situation where one job is desk-bound and the other is climbing and travel based. At Christmas I thought I would buy a massage experience through Groupon. I’ve had massages before and they are wonderful in more ways than just relaxing. The company is reputable, that’s not the issue. The problem that I talked myself out of worrying about is that the masseuse is male. I talked myself through my unfounded concern with my history of sexual assault. I drive to the location today, and it is a personal residence. Nope. Not going to happen. Never met the guy, not going into his home by myself. By the time I got home after my “drive-by”, I was shaking and crying. All I wanted was to reduce stress, soreness, etc. and I 100% talked myself out of it. I’m not sure if this makes sense. But I am sincerely struggling with the issue that I am incapable of trusting people. Especially those who have done nothing to harm me. I am now easily triggered and jump at every unexpected sound. I feel like I have regressed and my progress just went out the window. He texted me asking if I was coming in, my one saving grace was that I convinced myself not to lie and tell him I had a last minute trip out of town. I very briefly apologized, said I had a bad history with men and the fact that his company was run out of a private residence made me uncomfortable. I explained that I would not be pursuing a refund because I legitimately bailed last minute on a slot that could have been filled by someone else. He responded back with a brief apology and told me that it is a former “residence” and is now a house converted into office space for two companies. Also, if I ever wanted to try again, that he would offer me a discount and if it would help me feel more comfortable, I could stop in to say HI and get a brief tour so I could meet him and have a better idea of what to expect before my appointment - and to be more comfortable. That small (but HUGE) gesture has literally broken me. I am an emotional mess.",4.869199043634191,6.33942774895398,5.831683203825463,77.57718410041844,69.62761506276149,9.14486551105798,29.975134488942018,9.534367207540994,2.8638508547519423,1976,78,357,44,35,652,242,478,0.109,0.7390000000000001,0.151,0.9732,2,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,0,0,1,3,13,23,1,3,33,0,45,2,0,4,5,80,73,31,0,15,15,0,3,1,0,4,2,3,3,4,23,34,0,2,7,3,3,15,9,10,0,3,23,6,54,13,54,41,6,58,0,0,0,0,31,25,0,6,17,266,77,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559156692222217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428020617255345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414724434811778,0.08836806663414211,0.0,0.08880930040210651,0.07268385048665478,0.07892438343477574,0.057621531072045235,0.0,0.16086753764849793,0.0,0.0,0.08359963519181393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142487306080802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22641143871081276,0.0,0.10383121704478808,0.0,0.0,0.08141419937331748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673184036657867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896346504216684,0.21265568802285845,0.0,0.0,0.10542030378127686,0.0,0.08550322729960537,0.0796413456835636,0.0,0.0,0.09246353725216534,0.0,0.0,0.0955893079306288,0.06752864187891848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877076811914573,0.0,0.16116211916593284,0.158566083683714,0.07560023609149676,0.0,0.0,0.09359455990622086,0.08358809951717665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671616055211934,0.0,0.1896324602695641,0.0,0.0,0.10906909905686514,0.0,0.10670716089818064,0.0,0.29597846269542244,0.18760285129349893,0.08401811711651995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410089771467114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046180115049498184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036173071295853,0.0,0.08944179150163878,0.06309613691975313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290346732774489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069923714697747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810510244635628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553169727887402,0.08253553876840786,0.0987584522561993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616585464864716,0.0,0.09044760955143638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060555102264632114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991487173068533,0.07517003275987436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625000221351204,0.0,0.0,0.08009068186227182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075101783345457,0.0,0.07902708923969648,0.10827800879320687,0.09881799942210394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908864501886579,0.0,0.0,0.2279267184580599,0.08261897107992422,0.0,0.0,0.10975075036646924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008450065849904,0.05511825744317125,0.0,0.08959859837867291,0.090322638779902,0.0,0.06417623504520842,0.0,0.09233713937630804,0.0,0.0,0.0816392058354264,0.0,0.07799298171593927,0.11150652700710699,0.07502950410460481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876255739835562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250827415532096,0.0,0.09599467324423412,0.0,0.2685912445835901,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,havinganotgreattime,2019/04/22,"Can’t sleep, terrified constantly of any noise My dad stays a few nights a week at his girlfriends so I’m home alone. Sometimes I can sleep ok, sometimes whenever I hear a noise I feel sheer terror like uncontrollable terror that someone is going to break in and hurt me. Does anyone who’s been through this know how to deal with it? I try and put my hot water on so there’s a constant small noise but my house is just loud and it’s terrifying. I’ve been given a safety alarm from victim support so hopefully that helps but I don’t know how to calm myself down as it’s like the second something creaks my body is in full meltdown mode.",2.079445438282648,4.372294201550389,3.0071317829457382,91.17703041144905,79.85271317829458,5.829695885509841,21.55098389982111,7.010146845296331,0.5306500894454387,508,15,105,6,13,161,90,129,0.16399999999999998,0.6629999999999999,0.17300000000000001,0.5111,0,1,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,1,4,6,1,8,4,3,2,0,13,17,11,0,1,3,1,2,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,7,4,1,0,3,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,3,4,12,6,13,14,2,15,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,1,6,61,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937744663270433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777831554678628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110174111308628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923802358124562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743238221691791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855610110389702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156382394716625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757242970044829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843052294283994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952029819014689,0.0,0.11608873735035727,0.0,0.17372837669178653,0.1720213875695398,0.0,0.19984339705817816,0.18540847766806806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036652377157648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692283359417431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625314664371862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410848129313586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466395007359582,0.0,0.14674728291023484,0.13333371945255276,0.3425879168805278,0.0,0.0,0.18460247526578724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653926048219245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758781298039242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892631833339064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,michael12655,2019/04/22,"This video helped me release my traumatic memories, and ""let down my barriers"" Listened to this with earbuds and instantly started crying. Make sure you're in a safe place when listening to this and you're ready to cry. Good luck and let it heal you :) &#x200B; [https://youtu.be/dX22QRzcXJY](https://youtu.be/dX22QRzcXJY)",8.414149659863945,12.735448816326532,4.211326530612244,79.4152210884354,71.04081632653063,8.164625850340135,30.615646258503407,8.841846274778883,3.3023034013605432,268,11,37,6,6,69,37,49,0.153,0.589,0.257,0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,10,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,6,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611401363856797,0.29286014884778644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5294883031517845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215232224162785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154757389511565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49290924819115994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087968254605828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518098448392228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059197405377355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22715420671985065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29286014884778644,0.0 ptsd,Phoebsbby,2019/04/22,"Frustrating- long post ahead TW: abuse, self harm, s** assault, su***de It really really hurts like deep down inside my chest when I feel like my feelings are being brushed aside. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, I’ve gone through diagnoses of severe clinical depression, moderate anxiety, insomnia etc. It wasn’t until I went to a new therapist that he looked at me and asked me “did you know you have ptsd ?” I partially struggle with this because I haven’t been through the worst things ever. I am the eldest of three children. when i was about 7 my aunt who was bipolar kidnapped me from my home and held me hostage for a few hours before my parents showed up and shortly after the cops. Nothing crazy but thats the earliest i can remember. My parents were constantly fighting, physically brawling in front of my brother and I but I was always in the middle of it. Then when I was 13 My father was diagnosed with a brain tumor (on his brain stem) and hasn’t had a job in over two years so my mother worked multiple jobs to pay for his treatments and I was left to take care of my brother who was 7 at the time. I suffered a lot of emotional and mental and physical abuse from my father. He was a very mean man. After my first suicide attempt following this i begged my mom to help me because I didn’t know what else to do. I was running a household by myself. (My parents hadn’t loved each other in a long time so whenever my mom did have a free moment she was out with her boyfriend or friends.) Once my mom was able to move my brother and I out of the apartment with nothing but a small backpack each with as much clothes as it could carry. Two weeks later my father abducted my brother from school and came to my school to do the same but my mother found out and tried to get the office to stop him. The school told her she had no rights and I had to watch my mom cry and try to get the office staff to understand our situation. I even talked to a guidance counselor about the abuse and they still made me leave with him. We got back to our trashed old apartment and he took a nap for the rest of the day and ignored us. The following day my father took us to Walmart with his mom and we happened to see my mom and her boyfriend there. We ran to her and cried that we didn’t wanna be with our dad that he wasn’t taking care of us. My mom quickly tried to leave with us and my grandma grabbed onto my arm and tried to yank me away from my mom. The cops were called and we were able to go home with my mom. My mom kept making us see our father and he was still abusive. I fell into cutting and other forms of self abuse and mutilation and abused my depression medication. I spent most of my time disassociating or not being able to leave my bed. I’ve been in and out of therapy and have tried almost every drug for depression and anxiety under the moon. I abused and hoarded the medication I took to sleep. Then my father died when I was 18 and all of my symptoms got worse. I was told by my stepdad that he died. And I was told three days after he had passed. My dads family hasn’t spoken to me in a long time. I don’t even know where he was buried so I don’t have any closure for that. I was sexually taken advantage of when I was twenty by a date I didn’t know. My mother kicked me out of my home because I stopped taking medication that was making me sick and because I refused to keep taking care of her new baby. So despite allllll of this. I still don’t feel like i deserve to be put in this category with people with genuine traumas. Does anyone else feel this way? I didn’t come out of all of this scot free. I have really bad panic attacks. Paralyzing depression. I recently got a service dog so I’m doing a lot better than before. I want my feelings and my experiences to be taken seriously but I feel when I say ptsd it dismisses me entirely.",3.9973879641485297,4.995056165172858,5.071943661971833,83.99101408450707,71.21510883482713,8.189603072983353,28.156466069142127,8.52124585384065,1.9023898079385404,3039,109,626,49,55,1001,320,781,0.18600000000000005,0.755,0.059000000000000004,-0.9988,6,0,1,0,8,1,61.0,14,2,1,6,23,31,5,2,34,0,61,18,5,3,3,106,117,57,3,3,8,29,7,3,1,0,12,1,4,4,24,63,0,7,14,2,4,17,15,19,0,5,58,13,123,14,107,53,14,95,0,6,4,1,84,32,0,6,47,434,147,9,0.1269849863067459,0.35106503608135925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04238570694764597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035220560387457064,0.0,0.0,0.02878471506310432,0.0,0.06476211130097903,0.0,0.0,0.02959695165789056,0.04337037495422437,0.0,0.0,0.03957127349456591,0.04815458469058738,0.0397688582417738,0.03254787205148948,0.03534238646657043,0.10321182536074916,0.0,0.07203658030724197,0.0,0.0,0.03743596702095395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945048274498276,0.04322195626393238,0.04841233171618984,0.12946965664542198,0.0,0.0,0.03646210722804987,0.0,0.04574188598491105,0.0,0.03379572623451945,0.0,0.0929913631349151,0.08189481096204211,0.0,0.14582931017743606,0.12888708808838453,0.08786024496174051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03704180575125171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049087423016961486,0.0,0.07071977446782607,0.047613672627733784,0.0,0.0,0.04720727556573441,0.055914923887784525,0.03828839671403958,0.03566344259366127,0.0,0.0,0.04140522770548831,0.03990338123854432,0.0,0.12841484909723275,0.06047873306022618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036004454827402575,0.0,0.046410827706013735,0.03270276180690458,0.0,0.044229609488830604,0.0,0.024056164696093837,0.0,0.10156149384876988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03743080133889931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028371786530927076,0.0,0.12737629498858574,0.0,0.041684877444853836,0.0,0.045313351402442484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400866986974671,0.03762336347903915,0.0,0.0,0.09305017003986216,0.0,0.0,0.1344587653142698,0.045989853058444934,0.0,0.0,0.06203845005006041,0.0,0.0,0.11237771689698924,0.03554513550387607,0.0,0.0,0.07197206288794147,0.038202969322237934,0.04005208813732071,0.05650897627622105,0.0,0.0,0.04610795900413718,0.0,0.12792401420592422,0.0426569996698902,0.0,0.0,0.4957442707228058,0.0,0.044988314710352265,0.031116192005082605,0.0,0.0,0.0817619273790599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123034611022822,0.0,0.0444164606516715,0.04507828869168811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04966317366240435,0.14100179963368656,0.0,0.0,0.02934513353473685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04053883832984091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148438653573573,0.04255166157561414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134983386451095,0.0,0.08358823626334437,0.0,0.04794974508062707,0.03614816149059456,0.0,0.033661185971756935,0.0,0.12851558554729056,0.06746039552325084,0.0,0.08831535674292823,0.04781896322910281,0.0,0.0,0.04757881502371443,0.04235889778172988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141037409776114,0.07077675637582098,0.0,0.04425075969475965,0.0,0.04630032150743305,0.0,0.0,0.0439953408185234,0.1273025416348494,0.03402190729585745,0.0,0.0,0.04840613289768568,0.049146452156365504,0.02812106079495224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872795560223006,0.0,0.0,0.12133959623813212,0.14108499217038695,0.14369078364810045,0.0,0.08269725332100923,0.0440652830371313,0.2545788387967329,0.0,0.0,0.034925304215557965,0.024966344997088708,0.0335982571552364,0.03395323213299166,0.0,0.0,0.039238784838163766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03081552747173287,0.0,0.04313618322581971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02725805593840944 ptsd,frottingotter,2019/04/22,"Advice on living with a parent with PTSD? Hey all! Thanks to those who take the time to try and help. In about a month I'm gonna be going to live with my mom who has fairly severe PTSD from surgery complications and from being assaulted by a cop. She's warned me that she's going to have episodes that come out of nowhere and are fairly scary. She didn't really go into detail but I have an idea of what they're like from talking with my younger brother who already lives there. I know that's sort of vague but does anyone know of what I can do to comfort her when these attacks happen? what to do/what not to do? I know it won't be easy or a quick process but I want her to be as comfortable and safe as possible.",1.938818135506878,3.5748348940397388,3.0062251655629133,94.19770249617932,77.54304635761589,5.9706571574121226,20.88690779419256,6.67199483983844,0.1384168110035655,563,14,128,5,13,180,98,151,0.106,0.76,0.133,0.7378,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,6,0,13,0,0,0,1,24,26,11,0,1,5,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,11,0,1,4,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,1,0,13,5,27,19,1,12,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,2,5,84,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634937129580609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18463110378431372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169872692163528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033964809337112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441230300940868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641439266351733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28525893965143195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795196761590168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214458392229637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888729915476572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27584813680073617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173937349655809,0.0,0.4432142460354572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19595183021509469,0.13354550497309653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857783157806911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18861725230503584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911536324968089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718327825354393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18901304396456334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579654217693448,0.1344777014227804,0.0,0.15403686816866047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755999582932556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359272795965444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868396439212644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Routine_Tea,2019/04/22,"Worried I'll Never Get Better tw: drug overdose, eating problems This is my first time posting here. I'm a woman in my late 20s & I was just diagnosed with PTSD after a trauma earlier this year. I saved my roommate's life during a heroin overdose and I thought I had handled it well and was ""over it"" but as soon as she moved back into my apartment with me upon getting out of rehab, life has on and off been hell. I've been having nightmares or weird dreams every night (sometimes leading me to have panic attacks before I fully awaken), feeling such fatigue to the point that I'm always just waiting till I can nap, & trouble eating to the extent that I will eat only a few hundred calories on some days. I have to take CBD oil or ativan in order to eat and even then, it's very hard and I have somatic symptoms like nausea. I was never much of a crier, but after an especially powerful acupuncture session, I have been crying daily at the drop of a hat (maybe a good thing overall). I'm about to start seeing a new therapist/therapy group, I'm going to acupuncture, and I contacted an EMDR therapist. I meditate at least twice daily. I feel like I'm doing all the right things to treat it, but I can't help but feel like I will never get back to any sort of normalcy. I overcame panic disorder and agoraphobia and was already working on treating an eating disorder (ARFID) and this traumatic event set me back in a huge way with all my previous mental illness diagnoses. After 5 years of struggling with these things, I moved to a new city and I finally felt like I had conquered it and could live a happy life. I had about 6 good months and then this trauma happened and it's left me feeling like I'll never get back to that good point. I started dating a new boyfriend around the same time this trauma happened (in fact, he was there when it happened, so he's experienced some of the distress from it) and I was feeling so happy and like I had found someone I could really see a future with and that I clicked so well with. But he has said he feels drained and exhausted by the relationship now that I'm doing badly, so it feels like only a matter of time until I lose him too. It's just heartbreaking that I saw a very real good life for myself and now it's being taken away by this response to trauma. I'm at a loss :( Thank you for listening!",6.258505822535675,5.865238066098082,6.9435074626865685,77.40954362801381,65.99360341151386,9.262292930949648,32.324175824175825,8.617729084823388,2.5437813022798097,1859,67,350,24,26,616,234,469,0.20199999999999999,0.65,0.14800000000000002,-0.9848,1,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,0,1,0,8,25,39,2,4,26,0,30,17,0,1,7,66,66,36,0,3,10,0,9,7,0,2,12,2,0,1,27,27,5,1,10,2,0,4,5,19,2,2,19,17,41,20,56,42,9,70,1,4,4,0,14,23,1,5,45,243,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420014770517057,0.0,0.05594841476677552,0.14570732653730425,0.0,0.045724973128693794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985715845936705,0.0,0.07649431603451333,0.06317345752693476,0.20681122904122548,0.05614193741174945,0.0,0.0,0.057215621061569084,0.0,0.0,0.05946762308840379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737008655811503,0.0,0.07385912230193943,0.04336373224944231,0.0,0.0,0.13649277927671094,0.0,0.0,0.1541239354820652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797614440465217,0.34401252517853265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04441086852270157,0.0,0.0566519401250592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23798717814857384,0.19214283955729736,0.06456019260814158,0.07365727533508601,0.0,0.0571936434280168,0.0,0.0737243306069069,0.0,0.0,0.1405188622458639,0.0,0.038213596413821715,0.22558825950548506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783782519633598,0.14315479310118026,0.06023313109001975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0450690296532596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584876524091339,0.0,0.07305560575047716,0.0,0.18997218919362896,0.2299477944789064,0.0,0.0593734602798108,0.0,0.0,0.07522348443037576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755083080175002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776131566285781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053669701319346334,0.14292929262814302,0.049428560963015386,0.0,0.2074361165302604,0.1948201636265149,0.0,0.06309945002104693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227690852428084,0.0,0.15778146674168889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712558694997675,0.0,0.0643965830211185,0.0,0.0,0.06433884958601603,0.07859904618395902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653294921232408,0.04307516401585334,0.0,0.0,0.07218975522725847,0.0,0.057421923725336464,0.06395989276573003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716190053607692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697157016236853,0.0,0.06650130467927527,0.0,0.09518452740403636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702930285580864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988729165129888,0.050555522980745365,0.0,0.0,0.061904836920156824,0.07689390432242672,0.1561398262441646,0.13401224362102998,0.0,0.0,0.05338042741509992,0.117623184050966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095879137708016,0.0,0.05337136053722141,0.0,0.0,0.12091226194747964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895095061745425,0.06828468849038206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865997021399584 ptsd,onelip_tulips,2019/04/22,"Please help me. I just started trying to type my first post so I could explain my story and get words of advice...basically triggered myself and now I’m just crying under my blanket. I have PTSD, bi polar 1, and depression. My boyfriend is the best thing in the world to me and he’s so pure...he doesn’t understand and when I try to link my behavior to my mental issues, he thinks it’s just excuses. We’ve been struggling lately because of relationship drama and I feel so lost. He’s one of my only 2 friends I have... I’m hundreds of miles away from anyone I know. I called into work every day last week.... Maybe there’s someone I can talk to. I know I need therapy but there’s no fucking way I can afford it. I just feel like I have nothing. I am 19F and apologize but I would prefer to speak to females only.",0.7612039079735275,3.049661035928146,2.9588528206744407,89.50410337220299,85.34730538922156,5.4319571383548695,21.36432398361172,6.8360192770164,0.6069952095808384,631,21,130,8,19,214,105,167,0.073,0.8420000000000001,0.085,0.2274,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,4,11,7,1,1,2,0,11,2,0,1,0,28,25,13,0,4,6,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,8,0,0,9,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,2,3,26,3,16,21,1,16,0,2,0,2,12,6,1,0,9,82,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202737050355553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15052903651200214,0.0,0.0,0.09766672539192336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813773513573302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359935186018168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792014488768744,0.0,0.1759907238414615,0.1033266357518885,0.0,0.13799456739973195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349896348466424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620209410331684,0.1144589739247234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628039966246416,0.0,0.0,0.12378316712406785,0.14811792753459035,0.08370670916901361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073900001016012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722480121683567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761020187985372,0.13059814430242844,0.18073162368027376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827387664287341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748956550388785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609593945659426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146093563371475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879878936683852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373242124745165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856710702713714,0.24370431982485774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587002637747962,0.0,0.0,0.1534434868109152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18728496359074914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201297389435052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13575124586873905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340233510941625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674934739458894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877626243155768,0.0,0.0,0.18322196986552355,0.0,0.10644097855223697,0.10266050997706988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175534946133608,0.0,0.0,0.16679142657006268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717270501740807,0.12851632019143489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663979970781747,0.0,0.0,0.11381347752900535,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mixedmary,2019/04/22,"Rape victims suffer 'flashbacks' during childbirth: This does not sound good for the human race and life coming into the world I read these two articles recently after someone posted on PTSD making it hard for them to take care of their crying baby. It is sad to read about this. This is bad for the mothers, babies and fathers going through this. https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-36919578 https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/pregnancy-and-birth-can-be-dangerously-traumatic-for-rape-victims-but-ive-found-a-way-to-help-them-a7073976.html",10.200745098039217,12.75508203529412,7.287941176470586,68.044068627451,58.05882352941178,8.960784313725489,32.990196078431374,9.2995712137729,3.2973137254901967,443,16,58,7,6,125,67,85,0.292,0.669,0.039,-0.9628,1,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,2,0,1,7,2,0,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,6,7,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,7,4,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,5,0,1,0,2,3,2,11,7,0,8,0,2,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,30,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915309548853272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338782544620415,0.0,0.0,0.1975990563377839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519739943730917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074061588695252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25151414593802884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13036754604785047,0.1924013346614669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054882614540872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537551905616531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16202484486355193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311951551452754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21969208057301232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26814447564004185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4589038804689185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264948169790675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436128743628325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247262986693446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240805655547416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207899688698234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NuclearLatte,2019/04/22,"Are there resources out there to help my husband understand my PTSD? To briefly explain, my husband and I have been getting in a lot of fights lately. I feel like a lot of it stems from how I respond to things and he doesn’t understand that at all. Which isn’t his fault. I feel like I try to explain how I feel but I just can’t put it into words and I almost feel like there’s this wall that’s keeping us from connecting deeper because I don’t know how to explain things in a way that he’d understand. I don’t want to be the type of person that’s like “oh you have to treat me a certain way because I have PTSD,” but I’m just at a loss. So have any of you found any books or articles that kind of help explain ptsd and why someone like me would do things the way I do them?",3.959642857142853,3.647510916666669,4.798904761904762,90.57942857142858,70.78571428571429,7.910476190476192,28.704761904761906,7.1686216300943375,1.2510433333333335,606,20,144,5,10,197,84,168,0.040999999999999995,0.794,0.165,0.9584,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,1,2,1,1,9,11,1,0,7,0,16,0,0,3,2,36,33,11,0,2,5,2,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,1,13,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,4,23,8,20,28,3,12,0,1,0,0,18,7,0,4,6,96,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292161695191713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669555127829947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966088070175249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24827490253047765,0.26308905268993915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345947583874588,0.0,0.0,0.06413453386815415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645604675417532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911047631517792,0.0,0.12783066746783106,0.06746305643243454,0.0,0.13847323058137606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998599898610277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087241898897282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718511979340847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304828355928231,0.12340289738061674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401009623056193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24465933298611675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334273385568035,0.0,0.0,0.3833775274097835,0.14765941049556486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724042069231546,0.29231213022275765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076748916156444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720178348545643,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,perciel,2019/04/22,"Violent during a flashback/panic? is it normal to get outright violent when someone tries to touch me during one of my flashback/panic attacks? my boyfriend tried to grab me when i was panicking (note: my trauma relates to tight spaces, it often makes my panicking worse to feel like i'm closed in) and i lashed out at him and scratched him. i hardly remember it happening and i don't even remember being grabbed. i feel awful about it because now he thinks i'm abusive and did it purposefully and won't listen to my explanations or apologies",6.034831932773107,7.35982273529412,6.635994397759102,73.43911764705884,66.74509803921569,9.357983193277313,35.159663865546214,9.606745405546679,3.63075462184874,437,21,72,9,7,143,67,102,0.266,0.711,0.022000000000000002,-0.9808,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,0,1,1,6,0,0,1,0,17,15,8,0,1,1,0,8,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,7,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,9,14,1,11,11,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,4,49,19,0,0.0,0.2781615335659268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26708234157108995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311231304505226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506196239335274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374113756752434,0.1677182115136737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265652112830715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076044499752402,0.0,0.21030589625015456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146957215204336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670937461732878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23002266429818202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908478291776754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5318924574329879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198918052356749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504297700393475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31878394304931906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23924851385217025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sproutinglife,2019/04/22,"I just freaked out on someone I was about to sleep with, and now I feel like the scum of the earth - NSFW/TW TW: sex, abusive relationship First off, I want it noted that I have never been sexually assaulted or abused. My ptsd comes from an incredibly physically/emotionally/mentally abusive relationship. Basically, I escaped from my ex last August. I haven’t had sex since before I left her, but there is someone I’m waiting for and want to be with. That situation is complicated though, and I don’t know if it will ever eventuate. Anyway, my best friend convinced me to go out tonight. She was going to see her new boyfriend (who I hadn’t met), at a house warming party for *his* best friend. It was just us four (two girls, two guys), and I only decided at the last minute that I would go. My best friend and her bf had kind of organised that if I wanted to have sex with the other guy, since it’s almost been 10 months, everything would be in place. *(Oh my god, that sounds so bad, but I don’t know how else to word it lmao)*. So here I am, and the guy is really cute and nice. As the night starts, I’m super into him and want to go there. But then he starts getting drunk, and it was an instant turn-off. I started pulling away, talking to my best friend and her bf more, etc; still being polite, but trying to convey that I wasn’t interested. I feel exhausted and emotionally drained, and just needed some space, so I went inside and chilled in one of the bedrooms. Then the guy comes in, and he is literally just leaning over me and staring at my phone as I scroll through insta. I’m pretty short with him and avoid talking, because inside I am absolutely FREAKING out, but he just gets closer and closer. He puts his head on my boobs, but then gets up to see if my friend and her bf were still outside. Then he comes back in and jokingly slapped me across each side on my face. I curl into myself and put my arm up in a protective way as he goes in to kiss me, and I just curl into myself even more. He realised something was wrong, and put his arms around me, asking if I was okay. I just begged him to go get my friend, and he left. She then came in, calmed me down, and pretty much put me to bed lol. He’s ignored me for the rest of the night (I’m in the lounge room), and I just feel fucking awful. He won’t even look at me. I feel like I lead him on with how I looked - I did look *mighty* fine tonight* - and also acted earlier in the night. It just sucks because I actually would have gone there with him until he got drunk. And then the overbearing attitude and playful slaps just sent me into full blown panic/flashback mode. I actually fucking hate myself. I feel like the most awful feeling in existence for embarrassing him, and making him feel rejected. I want to vomit because I loathe myself so much. I think it all came down to not feeling in control - if I was the one who was initiating everything, that would have been okay because it meant I wouldn’t feel pressured to do anything. My ex did that so much, and made me feel like I was absolute garbage if I tried to say no. So I really think it does boil down to that. But now I’m in a house I don’t feel welcome, with absolutely no way to get home right now, listening to my best friend and her bf fuck. Awesome. I really should have stayed home. All I want is to see my therapist. So shoutout to my fucking ex for continuing to fuck me up even when she’s not around - really appreciate it.",3.3196153220559563,4.64608363936782,4.468003686835829,86.41887443070921,73.23850574712644,7.724094556495338,25.48839731077857,8.274761682518914,1.4219617545001082,2687,86,574,43,53,881,285,696,0.114,0.696,0.19,0.9961,0,2,1,0,2,0,104.0,1,0,0,9,40,49,8,3,20,5,47,20,6,6,4,126,116,67,0,19,26,3,12,4,11,8,2,3,5,5,23,53,3,5,17,4,0,20,13,18,0,6,28,22,96,31,86,77,18,104,0,1,7,10,63,50,7,10,35,389,119,1,0.0,0.1885203677973025,0.10351284073003797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053108852295266816,0.0,0.0,0.04241363617561368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043644897417764464,0.09442827427122244,0.04958239629586327,0.0,0.04982996793996073,0.0407821469497467,0.04428364460061391,0.12932334937764514,0.0,0.045130544927786315,0.0,0.2782950766659281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132030156110835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705992939133196,0.0,0.0,0.05948545825577256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641299938262443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044305572881036384,0.059659439205412224,0.0,0.0,0.0591502278911922,0.1050912317279054,0.047974964962131945,0.0,0.0,0.09533239607081756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949878751899624,0.15155845365834147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04511320940717088,0.0,0.0,0.2868335554758639,0.2451590653672183,0.13854810775723628,0.0,0.1507106274307895,0.0,0.04241850035566084,0.0,0.0,0.21005970763715626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523630157802124,0.054431220102501836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640078654852372,0.0,0.0,0.12239505737881205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05522983024222679,0.05829545019504459,0.08646439908740787,0.0,0.0,0.1152496201693117,0.0,0.0,0.1036447147747427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361306114032687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501848520688673,0.03540258132437777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04233359389819768,0.0,0.11696479999002644,0.03932623235108338,0.0409053716582068,0.051223424560481325,0.0,0.1493147768698905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187843073804809,0.04033699651938693,0.0,0.06222744279831585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541233280123696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079153068961086,0.0,0.0,0.06199736574158993,0.21326716690877148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590733361417578,0.0,0.0,0.11388368879554164,0.0,0.04529327236940329,0.0,0.042177117773821465,0.0,0.0,0.1267907664976526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774543950398248,0.059615762988202536,0.053075260687733765,0.0,0.08987608485635447,0.04083044144354378,0.0,0.0,0.11261949562206232,0.056530340469165226,0.08471076638827289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525819572200408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157999609709883,0.0,0.06796788233543938,0.0521085419820496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720172261312908,0.057688980391768986,0.1036188028496164,0.0,0.0637969302428121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769543192107094,0.08419653723552875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916579144922185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507037331220435,0.057987587725671724,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BetsyZZZ,2019/04/22,"Suicide Tw suicide When I was 19 (12 years ago) I lost my best friend to suicide. It has fucked me up. I have always had suicidal ideation.. Tried to kill myself 3 times. My father attempted suicide when I was 1 child. Also. i met a guy a year ago that was kind of in the same mindset as me. We talked for a long time. Ended up spending a night together but as fucked up as I was I realized he was just bringing me down so I cut all Contact. A few months ago he reached out to me but in a really creepy way, and I told him to go away because I was trying to get better. Today I Learned he killed himself. I'm feeling so fucking bad about this. I know, as a suicidal person, that no one is ever responsible for this shit. But I learned that his fuckinh parents helped him kill himself. Like.... I know. When someone really wants this there is no way of stopping them. But helping them???? I'm so guilty right now and I feel like I'm going Back to when I lost my best friend 10 years ago. I want to talk to him. Let him know that it DOES GET BETTER. I'm so sad.",-0.3230115830115814,1.8680057657657687,1.8003410553410577,96.27668918918924,90.44144144144144,4.6128700128700135,20.54118404118404,6.1826913282559595,0.07354002574002605,808,28,184,8,28,269,122,222,0.292,0.573,0.135,-0.9938,1,0,0,0,0,5,34.0,1,0,2,7,15,21,8,0,8,0,12,4,1,0,2,23,35,19,9,2,5,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,9,4,0,1,8,0,1,3,2,12,0,1,11,2,35,9,25,23,5,36,0,3,0,3,27,9,4,0,24,117,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30789284158204044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944121645446304,0.0722529461226096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158351656789306,0.06677008031307058,0.07250286529009796,0.05293327515923167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18225410881495105,0.15359544984275975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598912583408204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690925887230736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854643522042902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781188289922515,0.062034314521020435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417565540702128,0.24083024129480976,0.09073449020301838,0.0,0.09869966591005648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597943339493655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640616396048553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28820727326560586,0.0904243762716774,0.14316528858348548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887937735292641,0.0,0.08484553226271285,0.0,0.0,0.07684546597230975,0.0,0.0,0.18957940475994706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931016819704558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148794173600778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884104874457523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09641901699886904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582020648811086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125632487833202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415586622924522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913397898791002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357427027416963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259721465102559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5698946181209692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958795702247986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126735035515934,0.0,0.08230859495784378,0.08297372531921407,0.0,0.11790933857984927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243403058376924,0.1378497694156734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775498391783306 ptsd,shockinglyalive,2019/04/22,"I keep trying to convince myself that my sexual assault didn’t happen Everyday for the last 2 years, I wake up and when the first thought pops into my head of what happened to me, I deny the fuck out of it. I tell myself that I’m a liar and making this all up. Except I know I’m not.. there’s a police report, physical evidence on my body, and I’m seen as a victim. I KNOW it happened, but I attempt to belittle myself and pretend that none of it is real. I just can’t accept it and it’s driving me crazy. What do I do?",3.355676359039194,3.2320215840707966,5.7428824273072046,82.64115044247791,72.09734513274337,8.227054361567639,26.762326169405817,7.957251820313856,1.540014917825537,401,12,87,5,7,144,70,113,0.16399999999999998,0.79,0.047,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,3,6,4,0,6,0,5,4,3,1,1,19,18,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,4,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,3,1,17,2,14,15,2,11,0,0,1,1,1,5,1,0,5,66,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264946041116498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288812338371875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051130192903126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6327771168987256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24479411341387197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120108094467285,0.0,0.0,0.2621727570994235,0.1944286374309324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921641094106628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714921713678333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848021278575526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893611613902733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194192402941712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15360143190456665 ptsd,coastofmongolia,2019/04/22,"I freaked out over a birthday gift. Can books be triggering? Two years ago my boyfriend gave me a play that means a lot to him. He said a lot of it reminds him of me, but the thing is, a lot of the play has to do with mental illness. I do have PTSD, and it was a lot worse then than it is now, but I never wanted to define myself by it. I did hallucinate sometimes, and when it got really bad I'd even hide under the table, but I'm not proud of those moments, and it's much easier to deal with life if I move on and try not to think about how crazy I look while having a flashback. So it was pretty upsetting to realise that maybe he sees me primarily as someone who is mentally ill. It doesn't help that the character who reminds him of me is told to shut up and quit whining. But my boyfriend wasn't comfortable with me giving it away, saying that someday he'd like his own copy. So I kept it for two years and tried not to think about it. Yesterday we took everything off the bookshelves, and as soon as I saw the play, all those old feelings came back. I felt as if giving me this play was a message that I don't hate myself enough. That character was like a caricature of me at my worst moments, and as I'm recovering pretty well, I'd like to put that behind me. I tried to give the play to my boyfriend, but he looked sad and insisted that it was a gift from him to me. He explained that the play was so special that he didn't even show it to some of his best friends. He thought it was one of the most thoughtful gifts possible, from anyone, and that he believed I was clever enough to appreciate it as he does. Also, when I saw myself in that character, I'd realise that all my painful thoughts are just words, and then they'll stop hurting me. And lastly, he told me to get rid of the play, but after hearing all this, I feel so guilty and absolutely despise myself. All the same, there were lines like ""You can only kill yourself if you're not already dead"" and ""No one can hate me more than I hate myself"". The author was someone who lived with pain and was used to it, and she did commit suicide. I was going to counselling in order to stop feeling suicidal. I was trying to do anything possible not to be mentally ill, and this gift felt like a slap in the face. It still does, but I wonder, is my feeling justified at all? Am I terribly ungrateful and dramatic about this?",6.2627459016393425,5.070263946721315,6.676078688524591,81.96564262295081,66.29508196721312,9.939147540983608,32.42983606557377,8.954980946260402,2.4003628524590166,1858,63,402,26,25,606,220,488,0.179,0.621,0.2,0.7677,0,0,0,0,0,2,54.0,1,1,1,3,20,34,5,1,24,0,39,7,1,3,7,77,79,45,4,4,16,0,6,5,1,1,6,3,0,0,40,25,0,3,14,9,0,5,11,15,1,4,32,14,53,19,62,43,19,40,0,3,5,0,37,13,0,10,26,294,93,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182895620702014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941955395572042,0.06480033858586179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665865185989756,0.0,0.06668148230692039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613114755977117,0.06230771914154847,0.06765737207850306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912940156002438,0.08503687408484532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267770141126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835392445799704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418212794737324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674530504717581,0.0,0.10704021964660833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282529984003518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388652256583908,0.0,0.15560463974421815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260423091851011,0.0,0.04233527281615804,0.23319651441634204,0.04605169736245339,0.0,0.06480777017019221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400035548391997,0.0,0.0,0.09132765302888014,0.0,0.05431326828114631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674519698489698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964862581656258,0.0,0.0,0.0660509548543328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723448317509985,0.19793789261046604,0.0,0.0715517219200684,0.0,0.13609100566207008,0.0,0.0,0.2755581116556898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140637648905799,0.08826634672998046,0.0,0.0,0.2449801035208703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861229659865258,0.05956699562847335,0.0,0.06249598413248905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502824243526358,0.0,0.10981719722309424,0.06162761007262736,0.17244506732593182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827002084022944,0.0,0.1648750037962017,0.0,0.0,0.09472072318563493,0.0814583814961954,0.0,0.08618627942434498,0.0,0.0,0.05191043511357725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707889079806708,0.06443898139275384,0.0,0.0,0.06457109347718683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731434638966436,0.0,0.08014157903731345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471133860227796,0.1354908318134624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726918823355248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383329377731502,0.10384258897455308,0.0,0.19298832241103447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548568924607253,0.09002825185553875,0.22005850278903585,0.0,0.15831072536943716,0.0,0.0,0.06998463446934163,0.0,0.0,0.0477940926401798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285646232188997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787449637010213,0.0,0.0,0.08257735513464241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043624167545116 ptsd,GandT69,2019/04/22,"What are your coping strategies for dealing with PTSD? To add a bit of context - I was sexually abused from age 12, I have adapted negative coping strategies since then to deal with it. I am now 33, and a throwaway comment a few months ago triggered my PTSD and I feel like I’ve been dealing with it on/off since then...it’s like I have a home cinema in my head replaying the same scene over and over, from the exterior I appear to be functioning I look just the same yet it’s polluting the inside and becoming more toxic and I feel worn down constantly battling with myself not to resort to my negative coping strategies as I know it isn’t the answer. I have had counselling a few years back...yet that opened things I knew deep down but till you say them out loud then you can’t deny them any longer such as the grooming aspect for example I always knew he did this and it’s hard to deal with knowing someone did that deliberately to hurt you physically and mentally for their sexual gain. I hope this sort of makes sense and any advice and coping strategies would be gratefully appreciated.",6.141487663280118,6.6253994622641565,6.5218867924528325,77.34967343976778,66.16981132075472,9.730624092888245,30.930333817126268,9.661875296680813,2.7548065312046437,874,31,165,17,13,283,126,212,0.092,0.8109999999999999,0.09699999999999999,0.6428,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,4,3,1,4,5,1,0,11,0,15,1,1,2,0,35,26,15,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,11,17,0,0,7,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,8,6,24,3,28,15,6,20,0,1,1,0,14,9,0,3,12,113,35,0,0.0,0.1687964549807814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921409847114705,0.1262856735285337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854139795690333,0.0,0.0,0.1937607082814436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954596437596754,0.0,0.0,0.15734021208793775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553370801739216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395289144143376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5874962034776384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406808185285494,0.10177625632235457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761969382861682,0.0,0.1462090876587886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290293234417245,0.1414988223438734,0.0,0.0,0.15251057797680204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658889460175926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920135502505462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196338163517008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950957760354416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357012829690066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371334556743935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33306540861131506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329303106149323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356952615050243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207092211459308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946467013015458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012022846679436,0.0,0.0,0.09174209668955864 ptsd,gossamer4448,2019/04/22,I Feel My PTSD isnt justified The reasons I have ptsd are so trivial . Some people have it from going to war or being sexually assaulted or gettting mugged or being in a school shooting . I got mine from a panic attack a stupid response to a ssri med made my anxiety sky rocket . I didnt know what it was and thought i was having a stroke . completely wrecked me 2 years later . im still dissociating still have dpdr from a panic attack . i feel so stupid about it . I guess im just a sensitive person . It was very scary when it was happening and after i couldnt be alone at all . Now I can be alone but I never feel safe I always am waiting for the next big thing to happen to put me in a ER again . I dont have flashbacks per say but some things do trigger the memory .,1.9629110512129413,3.708183283018868,4.127336028751124,85.69995283018868,77.80503144654087,6.80700808625337,22.67789757412399,7.7094869923839395,1.03731051212938,598,18,124,9,14,206,98,159,0.184,0.797,0.019,-0.9601,0,2,0,1,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,9,9,6,2,11,0,21,1,0,3,2,24,33,10,1,1,6,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,2,0,2,6,0,0,2,5,8,1,0,8,5,17,1,13,20,3,17,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,6,10,89,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28828084697536843,0.0,0.0,0.1158024163820551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064663494299167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166569302531734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591940022113153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310877785650246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110893269733969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909476652405657,0.0,0.11130871920337372,0.0,0.15331386491231785,0.0,0.24613902757236406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3006597086862864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648539955666459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168809741881726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458893624151002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733817767335,0.0,0.14801120990537697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3265771726537423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648447767420544,0.12151979390584455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3253697003344703,0.1399064971516581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309219715029944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106753166597367,0.0,0.140849692957857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22228619188222976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849196466755743,0.0,0.0,0.11048717837571956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483163744550508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962233163868588 ptsd,AlkalineTea2751,2019/04/22,"Do I have it or is it all in my head? I wasnt officially diagnosed with PTSD but a psychiatrist/therapist person I went to a few years back told me I showed all the symptoms and I could very well have it but I had to stop going after due to money issues. My main incident happened between late 2015 to early 2016. But that seemed to be my neurological breaking point if that makes sense. I already had alot from my childhood happen to that time in late 2015 anyways. So I guess that huge incident caused my mental health to just crash? Does that make sense? Could it be true? It was a few very traumatic experiences (to me anyways) in that time frame (late 2015 to early 2016). I still have bad panic attacks, dreams that aren't really nightmares like waking up and screaming but dreams that are like torturing me. Like slowly burning a hole in my head. Now they dont always happen but when they do, it messes with me for a while. I still have bad flashbacks to multiple incidents and panic/anxiety attacks caused by those experiences. Sometimes I feel like it's all in my head. Like if I just eat better, exercise, spend more time with my fiancé and our son that itll all go away and be just fine. Even though many times before all that never helped, maybe I'm not trying enough? I'm new to this sub and I contemplated even thinking about this sub because I dont think I have it. I never was in a very serious car crash like my fiancé and she has PTSD. I was never in the military and in a war. So how can I have PTSD? My mind must be just playing tricks on me. These intrusive and obsessive thoughts dont go away. It kills me from the inside out. I feel like I'm a freeloader. Like if I get diagnosed with it and get medication that I'm just faking it, getting free medication and wasting people's time and money on someone who does t even have a serious problem. Theres so many people out there worse off and all I'm doing is complaining about something I dont even probably have. I'm certain it's my mind playing tricks on me. It must be.",2.987991617184768,4.856029405867975,4.200680405169404,85.75933007334966,75.23471882640588,7.314872511351727,24.64414949353825,8.146662555663855,1.4305384701362212,1613,53,326,27,35,528,186,409,0.218,0.685,0.09699999999999999,-0.9956,1,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,1,0,2,1,26,34,7,2,13,0,37,13,4,5,13,66,63,29,2,8,15,1,2,8,0,3,8,1,0,1,30,19,1,1,6,6,4,5,10,18,1,0,9,3,43,17,40,44,12,50,0,0,0,0,10,19,0,7,33,224,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813571285276806,0.0,0.058915910628028464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05416607117429223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611031270797626,0.13304833723119788,0.054445116710890286,0.11823939537243935,0.04316242140822888,0.0,0.06025032936218834,0.0,0.0,0.06262177725218153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547365991231365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306498048516846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437323366311596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392487190060313,0.0,0.3319344268995678,0.0,0.0,0.07245177999351175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316108663693653,0.0,0.18706565837146094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852287801181373,0.0,0.0,0.0716028525146982,0.10116703404701101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109789718458545,0.0,0.12072132019167968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800032370146169,0.0,0.18783940875654828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180008424898736,0.07526301534970639,0.0,0.0,0.047459484494996346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390262457417507,0.0,0.0,0.07833587816728386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23961531847549306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767362198626402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452654243277914,0.1435714796232628,0.07113371713845873,0.0,0.0,0.14265833564682873,0.07135536608628455,0.0,0.14298689296999711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382887370626129,0.06838446568208964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16615017301317428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817534108945188,0.061824697108847325,0.0,0.0,0.06693415488626317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634038565147501,0.06775137290164816,0.2483037848199588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045359864511348776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445873633076496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999333403844365,0.05450959098573697,0.07002852430160603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309084753094703,0.0591966312759835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735941035349586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221073007004938,0.0,0.09073870708437627,0.06956611806982461,0.05621171759707466,0.2064365013205612,0.0,0.0,0.06765776134700317,0.0,0.048072337716112565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752660445363018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366271545338581,0.06563747752011867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215693015127933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045596468934464895 ptsd,tree_be_free,2019/04/22,"I've decided that I am going to move to a city where I can be healthy no matter what. If my husband figures out his stuff or he doesn't, I'm going to get what I need to be healthy. Anyone else have their sights set on a goal to get themselves to a good place? Please share. My husband is having his own issues right now. He's coming in and out of being interested in being married to me. His triggers are completely out of hand. He's completely illogical and has been pressuring me to do things that are not healthy with my PTSD. Whatever is wrong with him has caused him to be so far gone and he no longer acts in any concern for my well-being regarding my trauma. I have to do something for myself. I have done everything I can to show him I am his regular wife. He is completely out of control and it's breaking my heart to be involved in this. I cannot walk away from our relationship because my heart is tied to him. This is so frustrating and this is suffocating me. I'm not able to heal from my physical injuries because my husband is delusion and accusing me of things that have never happened all the time. I need something to get me through this. I am going to move to Phoenix no matter what. I'm going and that's that. I'm going to get myself better whether he figures out he loves me or not. Moving to Phoenix and working at a university is my dream. This dream of a stable life with my husband is something I have no control over, though I have done everything good I possibly can. I'm taking back my life right now. What are you working on to better your life that you are looking forward to?",2.510566955785908,4.437294000000001,3.9241992807277377,86.95015337423315,76.79141104294479,6.827840067696214,27.192299555743602,7.753152298057669,1.6132396022847468,1268,52,258,19,29,418,141,326,0.067,0.805,0.128,0.9537,0,0,3,0,0,0,26.0,1,3,1,7,7,11,1,1,6,0,41,8,3,4,2,37,63,15,0,3,7,5,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,19,17,0,2,3,3,0,13,10,4,0,0,4,3,46,7,48,53,2,39,0,0,2,1,29,20,0,3,6,189,65,3,0.10047619785770023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832726001887242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025529373006728,0.10294973843293943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944006953614884,0.07725999412701058,0.0,0.12249871525540487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772606378704897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321673264235988,0.0,0.08655134768383874,0.3160421454424129,0.0,0.2253851991238566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056440699984373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393497048600013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060305578372587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20997866551405747,0.0,0.2855146935870966,0.16854933540424002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885076993782515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23812955647081144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487104602770296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129079299432436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437470062340333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068369141924892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203708916645005,0.0,0.14900365516440894,0.07749343794897663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497624149270328,0.11029269281181926,0.0,0.11327181625841552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745129845634855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787383433182024,0.0,0.17161224795571595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23205445780124884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502120782734207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554559637188239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350384248938274,0.0,0.0987173542496698,0.0,0.058588478979004335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034016858034033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629573741229346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985494933960886,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lululand2020,2019/04/22,"PTSD from moving to new country as a child????? I'm 33 female. I only recently realized I might have had PTSD all through my teenage years and didn't know it. It effects me now the most. Ive read somewhere that you can have PTSD from moving from another country as a child is that true? When I moved I was 8 years old, I was being raised by my grandparents since I was 4-5yrs because my mother felt she was too young to raise me as a single mom (she had me at 20)I was close to my aunt and uncle and I had friends in this country that I played with every day. When I was 7, my mother decides to come back into my life and 2 months later she gets married to my current stepdad. They then moved to the West and a year later my mom decides to come back and get me and live with them. Okay I'll summarize now.. So basically within a year,.my mom came back into my life, I got a new ""dad"" who I hated then because I felt he was taking my mom away from me, I came to a new country and had to learn a new language and compared to my home country - I was now very isolated. I was sad I wouldnt see my grandparents and relatives. I remember the feeling the next morning when I woke up and calling for my grandma. It was heartbreaking. So i dont know...is all this considered PTSD? Now that I'm married, I can't help but create strong feelings of hate and anger in my head when I have to deal with my husband's family and his relatives. I hate the fact that he has all this large extended family members and I don't. I get jealous when I see them interact with out kids and my kids see their cousins from husband's side. I get extremely depressed because my kids don't have cousins and relatives from my side of the family and it feels like it's always about husband's family and their culture and religion. And I feel it's not fair because I am from a different background too and I want my kids to know where I come from too but I know they won't ever be interested in my side of the family because I don't have relatives/cousins to give them so they will grow up being closer to husband's family/nieces/nephews and that annoys me. Please be nice because it's jot easy to tell anyone these personal feelings......",2.812978463044544,4.245716482378853,4.221284875183553,87.25983235438083,74.70484581497797,7.511404796867352,27.14855604503181,8.167268648758528,1.6835116984826235,1729,66,365,28,36,573,196,454,0.09699999999999999,0.831,0.07200000000000001,-0.9353,4,0,0,0,1,0,49.0,0,1,8,2,21,17,6,0,16,1,38,3,1,1,6,64,70,37,0,2,3,14,7,1,1,4,2,0,1,7,18,35,0,0,16,2,0,10,9,9,0,0,21,10,72,8,48,41,5,59,0,3,3,0,45,18,0,2,32,243,90,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861912012457854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387180384499557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925950199171418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661890513054437,0.1625125438604721,0.0,0.2576699372131541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07193619347286204,0.16114952500261295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820564426076673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04543370603754139,0.07262971231558682,0.060677525832466925,0.0,0.0,0.07360409589575755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256557454724359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372505439059123,0.059356228363656074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33206471908267765,0.0,0.17810537799040507,0.05032870117964189,0.1352839647571194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544286377523713,0.0,0.1472265496725195,0.06758099477762247,0.0,0.0,0.056344413059299873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086610817506559,0.07230088577065281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722040605002969,0.0,0.07066598084394984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486747045403718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952026902899412,0.034417769202807806,0.0,0.06220766066138729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473513947384612,0.0,0.33003555465200124,0.056231631973910366,0.29950408456847244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721599082993025,0.07492319387017551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392425940434992,0.0,0.0,0.05357955548649124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151325351432457,0.0,0.07733172594950202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294039303269668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046795459236051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695597799782255,0.0,0.07980485931805856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841593313648587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058276049907813564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052968797899329664,0.0,0.061575435127314275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058127712355432425,0.041552580661868316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146710192437898 ptsd,HumanNumber57,2019/04/22,"I think I'm on the edge of having a total breakdown again Ive had an extremely stressful week, including finding out my boyfriend did cocaine after promising to not anymore, which i feel intensely guilty about because i should have been there for him but I wasn't, and i feel heartbroken because he lied to me about something he knew i feel strongly about. (For reference, i was aware of his past but he promised he was clean when we started dating, he did it because hes extremely depressed and his friend brought some around him) I've also been hallucinating, which has been super scary, and sleeping very little or way wayyy too much. I have 2 exams this week, 1 tomorrow and one wednesday, and I feel so shut in. I keep having flashbacks and it feels like Im walking on broken glass but the glass is all triggers and every step i take sets off a new reactive thought. I feel like my heart is being broken. I feel like im going crazy. I just want this to stop but I need to write my exams so I cant admit myself. I dont know what to do. I cant cope.",2.9212002096436045,4.734974966981135,3.864654088050319,88.3324423480084,75.27358490566039,6.409224318658281,26.40041928721173,7.1686216300943375,1.2209425576519919,831,31,168,9,18,267,130,212,0.146,0.6940000000000001,0.161,0.5228,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,2,12,10,0,1,5,0,24,2,2,1,2,41,44,16,0,3,7,0,7,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,10,0,2,14,0,0,4,5,2,0,1,12,7,30,8,19,30,4,26,0,1,0,0,14,8,0,2,15,109,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185371920004818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871312188467827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451365441936935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25578974555618045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046953603924693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392620368179406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784622385151924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4950561306104768,0.2997687462064497,0.0,0.0,0.12783833829509048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806295489668664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949115294575518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574622444564086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021664762173449,0.0,0.0,0.12432258335559472,0.0,0.0,0.07686870903685926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20499975718272784,0.14018614769625726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282029612838242,0.10371158304797916,0.0,0.13508699238918834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477930370110993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335214201932556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997067548875938,0.0,0.0,0.10767850021465593,0.0,0.0,0.09900046758235727,0.0,0.0,0.11693730145995368,0.1602202267292235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051645798002283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962283254720439,0.0,0.11104088905980898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540712055096405,0.08249875130686657,0.11102202832321732,0.22439001416752205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AhhhhhhItsJai,2019/04/22,Been in and out of reality lately I've been continuously going in and out of the real world back to what happened for the past few days. I can't fully pull myself together and I keep going back. I've been out of school for about a week because of spring break and since my therapist is through the school I can't see her until school is back. I don't know what to do at this point.,4.230740740740743,4.295228123456791,5.441580246913585,84.90311111111113,70.23456790123457,8.455308641975309,24.841975308641967,8.238735603445708,1.1648745679012331,302,7,68,4,5,101,49,81,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,10,15,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,3,1,7,0,17,12,1,22,0,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,10,48,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4508718550105125,0.0,0.11914580028919905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605045022700626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22215989182145573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17283766721115226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17372682773949952,0.0,0.0,0.1074153754930254,0.0,0.2204785084637772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865811676314654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476543229997325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224673063176688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5934239506431617,0.15575003705922796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168001620342598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22693497971103024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15677990388216412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jjtaylor1998,2019/05/31,"Shame associated with things I did while drunk to cope with being raped i had a glass of wine so this is the only time ive kind of had the courage to post this &#x200B; i was raped when i was 17, and because of that it took me a while to establish healthy sexual relationships. for example, im a lesbian. but when i started college i used to black out and have threesomes that involved men that involved them penetrating me. i honestly have 0 remembrance of any of it, i just remember after one time i bled and another time he tried to put it in my ass and it hurt. &#x200B; i used to joke about it like yes im a lesbian im just experimenting, but after getting out of a two year relationship ive been having a lot of sober sex with girls that i really enjoy for the first time (ever since what happened i could never have sex sober but ive recovered a lot). however i still have a lot of shame so to say having the fact ive had sex with three different men ""on my record"" so to say and that i haven't only been with women (i don't consider being raped sex). it makes me feel really bad and not like a true lesbian. i'm not really sure why i did that or let myself be treated badly like that by men that i clearly didn't like or enjoy, but i just didn't have any respect for my body. &#x200B; i was wondering if anyone has any experience with this and why i did this, and how to get over this feeling i have. when i mention it in conversation i feel dirty admitting it and i know i can't explain it so i just look ambiguous about my sexuality or not a true lesbian",4.547935779816517,4.614334336391437,6.122891437308869,80.28562155963304,69.55045871559633,9.59810397553517,29.805657492354737,9.516144504307137,2.4332765749235485,1236,44,265,25,20,425,148,327,0.157,0.721,0.122,-0.9357,2,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,1,16,23,3,2,14,1,35,15,2,4,7,56,52,27,0,2,15,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,0,5,24,17,2,0,8,3,0,2,9,8,0,4,14,7,39,15,37,33,3,26,0,1,2,12,17,6,1,9,21,189,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959889872954269,0.33194199894504545,0.18577087113059704,0.09548388882101894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367096194679203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520618589260625,0.05550906290083435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114664381490167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727036494810308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513785969040256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236858573688133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814744627131646,0.0,0.0,0.13812734947812005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745521564952708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951497240403817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052366862759708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748114286145912,0.0,0.2950798537400577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482451964542504,0.050043953041453614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311457009247157,0.0,0.17794840667078268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646709688960454,0.0,0.0,0.2322467460672697,0.0,0.0,0.06078296372755367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023074670690234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061704314839548566,0.13850979813317027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872098877783692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154000912899413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500525852243434,0.0,0.0,0.19552777979081676,0.10315273105407972,0.0,0.0,0.14482843475674206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532540943499352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445242560789942,0.0,0.07272028264738632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582255813229289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060495925812734226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123902480530722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117052223911806,0.061823464277773486,0.0,0.08895195914377954,0.0,0.0,0.15729244702737108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433417989808125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875020902914226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33194199894504545,0.058639371461597735 ptsd,mustard_seeds1,2019/05/31,"Help about ~sex~ pls (sexual assault ptsd)b Hello! My boyfriend and I are running into the issue that I have lost my libido since confronting my ptsd in therapy. My boyfriend is upset that we usually do it 2 times a week and that I don’t initiate enough. I never feel in the mood to have sex anymore, when we’re doing it it’s good but I never have the urge to do it. Has anyone gone through something similar? How do I overcome this? I feel guilty I can’t make him happy.",1.1358238636363645,3.5321610104166723,2.9323863636363647,89.5830681818182,84.72916666666666,5.5742424242424224,22.26893939393939,6.980632752743323,0.8277416666666673,371,13,74,5,11,123,66,96,0.122,0.772,0.106,0.2028,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,1,3,7,2,1,4,0,12,2,0,2,2,11,17,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,2,2,14,2,7,15,1,11,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,6,53,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21538217664372766,0.15185587770757925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244028856976616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21962340182588552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821585670339743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23118997444742484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556980717429316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266773633007131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23707539580542036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496797322190716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33500205924791043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5077388213196095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796518509174186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16719420224170156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483619219497583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663821367102324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391908378062122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420705774576076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Wiscmax34,2019/05/31,"Post-Infidelity PTSD? Not sure what prompted me to come here but I thought I’d see what i could find.... I’m currently a 25m going on 26. I’ve suffered severe depression and what I believe may be ptsd from a traumatic event which has changed the way I see romantic relationships and dating in general. I dated a girl from 17-22. Essentially, the last year of our relationship, I suffered a brain injury which triggered severe anxiety and depression. For awhile I wasn’t myself and that isn’t all to surprising considering my injury. That being said, I travelled away for an internship across the US for a few months. I call and text my gf daily, things seen distant but ok. I come back, we rekindle things but I learn that she’s been screwing another guy or several, who knows. This rapid transformation from the girl I loved more than anything into someone I didn’t even recognize anymore, sent me into a spiral deeper than I knew existed. Binge drinking, nicotine abuse, etc. Ive corrected the substance abuse and I’ve been able to function in my career but my personal life is a wreck. 4 years later and I still deeply fear intimate relationships. I cannot trust people and I tend to have a very surface relationship with people that stops as soon as it gets too deep. I also have a deep, painful reaction to seeing images of this girl with her now husband and child. I want to be able to get out of this painful cycle but can’t seem to see how. Certain things trigger the pain of abandonment and some of the bad habits recycle themselves, (mostly binge eating, as I haven’t drank or smoked in 2 years). Has anyone else experienced this and could it be PTSD?",4.366321811100292,6.382023825949367,5.094936708860762,80.18175754625123,71.81645569620251,8.405842259006816,28.92599805258033,9.057496981413335,2.5427876338851023,1323,53,242,28,26,427,191,316,0.26,0.687,0.053,-0.9976,1,0,2,0,2,0,38.0,3,0,0,0,9,17,1,1,17,1,21,10,1,3,4,49,42,23,0,3,8,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,6,19,19,3,2,6,2,0,5,7,11,0,0,10,7,33,6,35,25,6,33,0,5,5,2,22,12,1,6,15,158,52,2,0.1791954779904615,0.21231733915729115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165127950371453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395104150727583,0.06854202509155549,0.0,0.08885688145260727,0.06264882235666154,0.09180347177154727,0.07373130497095236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418002516323042,0.0688951307489632,0.07481036956095964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094596990603902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002070847003533,0.0914893091418958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478252762072946,0.15436103723679556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307300790663094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434080261547842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777167399984112,0.0,0.0916808550921827,0.07484741399975947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992516307236657,0.059178461589948265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008223660238244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189071024173862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936222412294115,0.0,0.05092045985169505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871584814173662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04924057416847465,0.07303411573203725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328553277226966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086545757247947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715160604537019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28601493420367025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423158162371847,0.07823328974473663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580986685480284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142048865736328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38477776265242986,0.0,0.0,0.08522796746024354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855911908833037,0.08156641652551944,0.0,0.3036598262464416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591587349500628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155287009970898,0.07490772172118937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444480865731878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857426966680456,0.0,0.0,0.07113059659764896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777504813263204,0.0,0.0,0.07392751810538313,0.05284706785675825,0.07111851478294634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730940190069966 ptsd,sleepyeggy,2019/05/31,"Anniversary Any tips for dealing with a trauma anniversary?? My one year one is coming up and the closer it gets the more I can feel my mental health slip. I really want to ignore it, but I know that’s not possible. My therapist said plan a “safe treat” but idk where to even start with that. Idk if taking off work would be good for distraction? Or if I should work as a distraction? Any tips would be greatly appreciated",2.7647560975609764,5.1188580975609765,3.9489634146341466,85.00685975609757,77.78048780487805,8.002439024390245,21.22560975609756,8.841846274778883,1.5181902439024393,332,9,66,8,8,108,58,82,0.145,0.662,0.193,0.8231,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,2,8,0,2,5,0,7,1,0,0,0,18,15,7,0,6,6,0,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,2,1,2,7,4,9,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,2,44,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987578989718526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892209550043706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264637822622585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508590014929254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106864189602553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476529448233035,0.0,0.0,0.18424361413206214,0.0,0.2421801683094359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334923988726749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072150635822895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22136949366843944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976998172011854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24763798393747166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072228608012655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089506223150006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554792024799107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515987647101069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25504665854720715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295634290626922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31983579559433883,0.0,0.0,0.31208579083669424,0.0,0.0,0.1414563163881148 ptsd,iridescent_coyote,2019/05/31,Anybody have experience of being prescribed Pregabalin (Lyrica) for PTSD/Anxiety symptoms? My doctor has mentioned putting me on pregabalin. A quick Google makes it seem quite alarming. Anybody have and experience of being on it?,7.666666666666668,11.617609000000002,6.9311111111111146,61.40000000000003,70.1111111111111,9.155555555555557,42.333333333333336,9.516144504307137,5.733133333333334,188,12,21,5,4,58,28,36,0.061,0.9390000000000001,0.0,-0.2853,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,3,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,17,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273391964296617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30417272325449785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5813912490163412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19836761031453126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473834061779769,0.29874444656040083,0.0,0.3160837703229909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705383093626049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088801531453778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sleepyelephantcow,2019/05/31,"Guilt about not serving Hello, I just joined this group after a particularly rough morning. I don’t really know how to start so I’ll start with my background. I was abused as a child. I was isolated and given no choices. I knew this wasn’t normal but I didn’t have any resources or people who knew or could help me when I was little. In high school I became closer with a family friend who was a cop and a war veteran. He saved me from my household and provided a safe place and someone to talk to. At this point I didn’t know I had PTSD and didn’t know until last October. This man was my hero. I know the horrors of what he went through in Korea and stateside as a cop. In October I was in a car accident that left me with post concussion syndrome (PCS) and PTSD on top of a few other pre-existing things like depression and OCD. I’ve really been struggling and have been going to therapy since the accident. I was diagnosed with PTSD, but I feel so guilty for having it when what I went through doesn’t compare to serving in a war. I know some of what my mentor went through and my trauma does not compare to his or any of my other friends who have served. I’m so angry all the time, like I’m always ready to fight. Little things set me off. I don’t want to do anything except stay at home. I feel like I don’t have a right to be feeling like this when I haven’t served, and it makes it worse. Has anyone else felt this way and does anyone have any advice?",3.254878487848785,4.270183574257427,4.424267926792679,87.87350360036005,72.993399339934,7.621302130213023,24.663816381638163,8.00094639256281,1.185720792079208,1145,33,248,16,22,376,150,303,0.185,0.6779999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9643,0,0,0,0,2,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,9,16,3,2,14,0,29,1,0,2,1,45,51,27,2,3,9,0,5,4,2,0,1,0,1,2,20,16,0,1,11,0,0,5,12,7,0,0,21,5,31,9,37,28,3,36,0,1,0,0,15,18,0,4,13,162,51,2,0.0,0.1280165744302982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055810798912073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990273934573635,0.0,0.0,0.2204244941299527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109623475924533,0.11070566373569284,0.08891246591654361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626575878514108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093059666836814,0.1096641862780386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18910316989369286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025838005738317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185593991230102,0.0,0.16389356926049933,0.1543758450876383,0.1037408868929567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669517939674167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614049032877179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724208048140875,0.11415629236990445,0.10837872084949003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968956587836309,0.08807172649837051,0.0,0.0,0.11739204960334848,0.0,0.0,0.21114283032060369,0.2165805004096644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212139314320405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586191824328788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490533546930182,0.0,0.11288483747336785,0.0,0.102138179923236,0.0,0.10347798489442976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3788991837225139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843377900643575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227050065545947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934809159024987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937658077819802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154683369985923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295070991062087,0.11516241915073125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295290225153698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684310045088169,0.0,0.0,0.12355975886702562,0.0,0.14356162258420732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300235970837689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372819688264625,0.0857617062951089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300478544924444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010787432848088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MidnaTheWise,2019/05/31,"How to deal with anxiety at work? Yesterday my boss brought me into a back room and said I needed to work on my communication or I'd be put on an improvement plan at my work. It was honestly quite shocking as I don't think I'm aggressive or rude. But she stated people had complained that I can come off as ""curt"" when I don't make eye contact with someone when they speak to me or I have made comments when I'm in the middle of a sensory overload. On top of the fact I've been honest with my boss about my menorraghia that I experienced recently, nodules on my thyroid, and my rapist posting screenshots of my panic attack the night after it happen - she said I needed to ""shape up"" or this is it. My question is - ***How do you deal with anxiety at work and making sure you come off as approachable while managing your illness?*** Because I don't think I am a bad person but I feel because what I have isn't ""visible"" or I'm not terminal, it means that everytime I'm honest, it's an excuse. I currently go to therapy and my boyfriend of 2 years is very supportive - but looking for non-biased methods. I'm just feeling worn out.",2.091866239487388,4.255354480176212,4.028804565478573,84.55587805366442,79.08810572687223,7.2990788946736105,27.058269923908693,8.296473431620573,2.034825550660793,885,38,175,18,22,300,130,227,0.092,0.8009999999999999,0.107,0.5187,1,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,1,7,8,13,4,1,8,0,16,4,1,7,2,39,41,21,0,2,10,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,1,1,10,12,0,0,6,0,0,6,5,8,0,0,8,8,30,5,32,32,0,36,0,0,2,1,17,17,0,6,11,117,40,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156123392921452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032094143018316,0.0,0.108361551083295,0.11766532111359845,0.17181143929372678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427864094307876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905720910260676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251041469306144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009013048411062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461827565738474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834033298928508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334531940579805,0.18813519697181585,0.0,0.0,0.15350711552107868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898613018468945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224725385526348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653434830167616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769868154637104,0.12304905340811875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349658556352677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416671431610222,0.15786668588849334,0.1498895971348855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914505561967172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681012329687049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940411048404725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599184332934038,0.13281882692670302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115842026290908,0.0,0.0,0.18059630756543196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627673019197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41037624198649264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907501791923167 ptsd,DFWMAMABEAR26,2019/05/31,How do you cope with night terrors and PTSD? Having a hard time. Any advice? I just need some advice to cope with it all.,-0.7837999999999994,1.338276920000002,0.5355000000000025,102.35525000000004,99.8,2.5,10.25,3.1291,-2.0580000000000003,93,1,21,0,4,29,22,25,0.203,0.797,0.0,-0.6553,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,8,3,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,3,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6816087907635721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371688706811905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124206030259548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586012421173595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272877877910615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40768196774227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033648559965838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AbusedBella,2019/05/31,"PTSD confession Fear; it was deeper and more intimate that the fear of evil and capricious gods and of magic, the fear of the forest, and of the forces of nature, malevolent, red in tooth and claw. fear stems from deep disorientation, unfamiliarity, and uncertainty about what the future will hold. With a child’s limited understanding of the social world around her, she cannot begin to comprehend the series of events that led to her sudden and painful separation from her family as sides grew apart. All she knows is that she wants to go home. Home Is where Delia and Ana are. Where the child use to play charades a game of mockery to melt away the sorrow. Where she use to play with Fairies and Gnomes. For a split second she was a child again. Thus even through hard work and dedication on cannot forget the starvation and the beatings. Nothing hurt more than being deprived of childhood. No reader, that was just a slim of it...what hurt was after….once the age of responsibility came it did not come on slow and the stress it build up like a snowball going down a hill getting bigger and bigger as it fell down on her shoulders. A child mind may wonder “ If you burden me this much, am i your slave, at what point is my life worth something to the earth, am i just a savage?” When you escape the tragic and leave the familiar scene that itself is not the isolation... it is the desert after. One has to wait for the flashbacks,tears, and nightmares like waiting for the rain anticipating when it will pour. The only difference….the fear of what might prevail when it starts and ends. The child rests in her solitary movement as her way of screaming. What is PTSD? I find myself all the time wonder what this is...i've contradicted this so many times. One cannot get rid of it. No one can predict it. All you can do is cope. Give reasons to live and reasons to die. 1. Family who will always be there no matter what. 2. Friends and future friends. 3. Myself and my future. PTSD makes a child a leader in the war to live in a sea full of sharks while they fight little or big battles in their head to show that they deserve to live. That’s what makes them strong and a survivor. Not what they went through but what they turn it in to.",3.8313152454780335,5.802162351162792,3.9967054263565913,87.6825516795866,73.16279069767441,6.638242894056847,23.107235142118864,7.3871296695380915,0.8006925064599484,1761,48,351,20,36,544,227,430,0.11699999999999999,0.828,0.054000000000000006,-0.9666,0,1,1,0,1,0,56.0,0,4,6,4,14,25,4,6,37,0,29,5,3,8,3,61,51,31,2,2,8,0,1,2,2,5,2,1,2,6,31,25,0,4,8,4,1,9,9,18,0,4,7,3,29,7,59,37,8,57,1,5,1,0,35,28,0,7,21,239,60,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667793005028517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820349071280881,0.0,0.0,0.08657993220143101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539745376189984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938087516955225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563933173216144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161940915215743,0.0,0.0,0.06086559349807263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374559869118966,0.5184836662738052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422535069226482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239296903259838,0.0,0.09629133850305684,0.08840069211674273,0.10474432510745192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255018183594505,0.0,0.0945746413442202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487214153237472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730145976994995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05064438463637145,0.0,0.0,0.09757576907726652,0.0,0.0,0.06508975408512788,0.0900417233766431,0.0923606142678432,0.2441159800410785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302448576781848,0.093427766408241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775881631616494,0.09304735223803114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774239727448109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842242611248584,0.0,0.0,0.09813897987604916,0.1873339453341728,0.07008582522199855,0.09805633250062662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711352148569157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231626234864325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894954151497743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09393746181931552,0.0,0.07094318937142198,0.0,0.0,0.06522573127925634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555992016349043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746926213546873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023502357270386,0.0,0.09593358689348,0.0,0.1591796551533747,0.0,0.0,0.05435369665440674,0.07314604832006526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542592071165354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998700448324414,0.06708782693820092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bearsBscary,2019/05/31,"Didn't realize how much I was numbing and escaping emotions with alcohol, until I quit drinking. It's been 6 months and the process is hell but I've already started to regain my life I suffer with schizoaffective disorder and PTSD. I quit drinking in December once I was able to get a glimpse of how unmanageable my life had become. I had no idea how much of the emotions and life i was running away from and numbing. 6 months later and the suffering is so much more manageable and tolerable, but the suffering of getting clean was a big part of life and all emotions coming back full definition. I had so many walls and blockers up from the numbing of the alcohol that the day would not pass by normally, I felt stuck in the day. My subconscious just keeps going it seems, just trying to process all the new. But I have broke the habit. I can deal with my new emotions again, I just feel a little raw and feel like I'm carrying my hurt around, but with time and venting it will all get better. I'm now on my way of getting my life out of apathy, neglect and numbness and under achieving into a clean slate with all the room and will and tools to achieve. There's more to sobriety than just not drinking I'm realizing and AA is helping me keep on a good path without alcohol while I uncover this new feeling life. I really appreciate the space to vent, thank you",7.227961476725526,6.519557662921352,7.448606206527558,75.62806179775285,64.13108614232209,11.074264312466559,37.04895666131621,10.451354775682146,3.7526192616372387,1084,48,209,23,14,353,141,267,0.162,0.732,0.106,-0.9482,0,0,6,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,5,14,15,1,0,17,0,17,16,0,3,4,57,36,27,0,2,11,0,4,1,0,3,13,0,3,0,5,25,6,4,8,3,0,4,5,11,1,0,11,4,23,4,34,22,11,36,1,6,0,0,3,16,1,1,16,144,28,3,0.09275340332330878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29737554012427525,0.0,0.0,0.10235568702675532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257019382120365,0.0,0.0,0.0871448756775772,0.07132164182972102,0.0,0.0,0.10243884670579516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203284771409626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989884401542151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196365436918568,0.09562468603805868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063034359865216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725890710022019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4173403778877663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406967229446169,0.06626304986717807,0.08905781286639544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19383929992353816,0.0,0.05271389661165477,0.07779715405217738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217065108978397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992944366291188,0.10470730236896014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488697327041624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930868308676354,0.04531462770839794,0.0929632773233198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403739274752304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480697632271599,0.0,0.2045532713580062,0.0,0.0,0.2687454447380737,0.0,0.0,0.09087864184462137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877934739571442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044289704597348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084237649198936,0.0,0.0,0.1973093233528568,0.0,0.0,0.05942020525554291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443921481133819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06565133627138488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853948719673554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054085255380932167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297347236322792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362333424249072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941097089075335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588935649572887,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BenKirbyTennyson,2019/05/31,"How do you talk to people? I mean in general but also how do you specifically, reading this, manage to talk to people? I have so much on my mind but as soon as things start to deviate from the weather, I go mute. Even my mind goes blank and all that remains is this nagging pressure in my chest. Its hard to make new friends like this - or keep the ones you have.",1.677335907335905,3.648484108108112,2.884208494208494,93.21310810810814,79.54054054054055,5.850193050193052,22.73359073359073,6.868970318607317,0.5147050193050187,280,9,62,3,7,90,52,74,0.109,0.8009999999999999,0.09,-0.14,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,6,4,1,1,2,0,5,1,1,3,1,13,10,10,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,9,2,11,10,2,7,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,46,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188916655685938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603066867259754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825141996942521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342575184672536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161972356870049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20997609057388494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541225098984342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576883726440869,0.0,0.0,0.2573286405247503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770590329781126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365954945558426,0.0,0.0,0.228156765920272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007862064409406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32755053494488995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362984426512721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720800506913314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797527082782618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694371429083662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_sjj3,2019/05/31,"Need medication and therapy, but can barely leave my room. For the past few years I've been living without any form of treatment whatsoever. And in that time, things have gotten pretty bad.. At this point the thought of doing almost anything overwhelms me. What seems to be my only real option at this point, which is going to a hospital, seems downright ridiculous. The last thing I want to be right now is locked in a small room that I'm not allowed to leave. Having my blood drawn and etc on top of that would probably cause my mind to completely implode. &#x200B; Is there any kind of outpatient facility that I could just show up to when I'm having one of my better days? As opposed to having to make an appointment in advance and hoping I feel well enough to show up when the appointment finally comes. &#x200B; Any advice is appreciated.",6.711075949367093,7.595056943037977,6.628962025316457,75.67774683544305,65.0126582278481,9.357974683544304,31.622784810126586,9.3871,2.8464435443037983,679,25,118,12,10,215,105,158,0.03,0.823,0.147,0.9574,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,1,1,7,0,15,2,1,3,0,26,28,8,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,10,5,0,1,4,2,0,3,2,3,1,1,3,1,9,4,25,21,4,27,0,1,0,0,0,15,0,5,9,83,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221840426385928,0.0,0.0,0.12520581081841742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709535961942283,0.303865624068948,0.2550869513469269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102894235765002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440010259285233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058446212586748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284467412199177,0.0,0.1077077163128362,0.13109820029822467,0.0,0.0,0.09983132546584256,0.0,0.0,0.08063808098477385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919594060240086,0.13944854620537378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322211920087176,0.0,0.0,0.1369711744234109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106102086904313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418927631929265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020608388213736,0.0,0.10192128738235752,0.0,0.2647908134631446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040935938929036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346271305468833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12596093569610764,0.0,0.0,0.12625103713089905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927128453195683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472784490689166,0.0950957540394754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193613134947476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23639947126186245,0.0,0.0,0.1272068865706764,0.13481029852846546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231870359051813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678033221471013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276567353796219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298992642790892,0.0,0.16613714723479686,0.0,0.0,0.09926486964128944,0.07290968242484662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374965981796465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124226659606594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053054842818195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882221269819028,0.0,0.303865624068948,0.08051928918674969 ptsd,mistressluxx,2019/05/31,"Past memory Can ptsd effect your past memories? Memories that happened way before the trauma? And were not traumatic in any way? I’m having some weird gaps. Thanks in advance.",3.0929032258064524,6.170892483870972,3.9570322580645154,77.73554838709677,91.90322580645164,7.6412903225806454,22.32903225806452,8.238735603445708,2.535188387096774,141,5,21,4,5,45,27,31,0.122,0.7040000000000001,0.174,0.4475,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113999925132628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264524635804918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748983655200848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5935148147545615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633864962166943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28620425920477194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4935029786124038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rationedtoast,2019/05/31,"PTSD and friendships Hi there! Ive recently been diagnosed with PTSD and since then I’ve been trying to understand my triggers and understand why I react the way I do. I was wondering if anyone has had a hard time communicating or keeping up with friendships? I’ve noticed that I’ve convinced me that sometimes coming out of the house despite being around people you can trust is something to be avoided. So it ends up with me being a homebody a d having to give excuses every time to my friends. I have this fear that if I tell them that its due to my ptsd they’ll think I’m making excuses. Has anyone struggled with this and found a way to cope with it?",5.716153846153849,6.123992423076924,6.269038461538463,79.05971153846156,67.07692307692308,8.961538461538463,32.403846153846146,8.841846274778883,2.637692307692308,525,21,99,8,8,171,82,130,0.073,0.812,0.11599999999999999,0.7616,0,1,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,2,0,3,6,0,3,6,0,16,1,0,3,0,25,26,9,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,9,12,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,1,14,3,16,17,0,13,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,4,6,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176807655378085,0.0,0.0,0.13480564702338152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044435122971987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369922243224368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412287092911734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758710303417956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17040191438008956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660362159619775,0.11699517311605155,0.0,0.0,0.14526636178798075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565238340450506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473097999253595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345987824951521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108133222943087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240513551752612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498315091190014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5310440162361804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951979025255674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526524324388896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657894035504235,0.14976907751600493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830850377634306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235732125414942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703083558131144,0.0,0.0,0.17660120459058662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281167203768864,0.0,0.0,0.3152899102392333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403976725564859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664287504459893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642204011528908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,corazonsinalma,2019/01/26,"I DO NOT GIVE MYSELF PTSD Uggggh...Just looking for some support. My asswipe relatives were claiming that I ‘need to forgive my mom’ aka my abuser who happens to be a narcissist. They don’t understand that I can close my eyes and describe each and every incident clear as day of her abuse. They claim I make myself sick and that’s why I have epilepsy. No, I have epilepsy because of being abused impacted my health so much, adverse childhood experiences effect health. I never asked to be abused. And, they just brush me off as crazy. I am not. I literally only had one therapy session and the receptionist girl messed up and put my appointment even later than when it was supposed to be. That’s not my fault. And, neither is my PSTD. It’s my mom’s fault for using me as a punching bag. It’s valid, isn’t it? I just...I need to hold on and, idk how much more of that I can take.",2.4750357142857133,4.509490028571432,3.8470535714285714,86.96200892857144,77.28571428571428,6.889285714285713,25.794642857142854,7.865858978985527,1.4996928571428567,685,26,139,11,16,225,106,175,0.162,0.772,0.067,-0.9514,0,0,0,0,4,0,26.0,0,0,3,1,5,6,0,0,3,0,16,4,1,4,2,26,27,14,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,10,10,0,1,3,0,0,1,8,4,0,1,3,3,28,2,17,20,6,10,0,0,2,0,11,4,0,1,5,99,38,1,0.0,0.64940783358988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128099672752517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352903435567671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836964762504179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905035751880806,0.0,0.11544928737518513,0.0,0.0,0.1340365282922944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144665525884236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117056083716712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913018681412024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506630502088035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914651049777021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209635335958917,0.0,0.0,0.2014579598355832,0.20320427696567492,0.10568195800721218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285153747476924,0.1042135201195184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160174635683721,0.13774775086934105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554940970587451,0.0,0.0,0.10302558196811178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566997782939663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264762890632565,0.0,0.1183454153703634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364355153176675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,j2gh,2019/01/26,"Day to day life becoming harder and harder I am having so much trouble managing my day to day life. I used to cope by playing video games or distracting myself, but as time goes on it gets harder and harder. As I get older, I have less time for hobbies or interests and my responsibilities have piled up. This culminated in my first sort of ""flashback"" but was all wrong, and from a different perspective than my own, while watching a war movie with my wife and in-laws. Now I have days I wake up feeling like complete dog shit from the get go and end up ruining everything around me. My therapist said it's all due to combat experiences but I don't know. I killed a lot of people but it was ""indirect"" combat, if that makes sense. I am an aviator. I have no idea why this is all happening now when I deployed like 3 years ago and have been fine. I'm just so lost.",4.838029427220178,5.2935266127167635,5.95866526537047,80.3538991066737,69.0,9.759117183394645,29.022070415134,9.800150414767053,2.5104381502890174,676,23,140,15,11,226,112,173,0.17600000000000002,0.722,0.10099999999999999,-0.9455,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,7,13,3,1,5,0,13,4,2,2,3,28,25,20,2,1,8,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,9,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,8,0,1,5,3,19,5,20,20,7,24,0,2,1,0,3,6,1,6,19,93,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023598731892425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083277815374304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472100651334332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587114799205988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5101340458676862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528678158330504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011947528894905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421812088627552,0.1547513163386893,0.0,0.0,0.07999137643754106,0.11301910495622802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456602190981032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479610909844892,0.0,0.08990949595206248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989696711748414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785901134922357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750263990602406,0.0,0.08694334687416085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22348464130859916,0.15457841663773475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726955057820734,0.13449716483558366,0.0,0.0,0.10560065658735447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629622487490066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967692473366596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504857500833076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239145389423598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368400769755608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449700600061694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663520716736996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14275214823981278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17296838559992708,0.0,0.10187650862123764 ptsd,xSlater666x,2019/01/26,I give up. I’m at that point. I’m done. All the drugs in the world can’t fix it this time. Idk what to do anymore. ,-4.331785714285715,-3.234699178571427,-1.1845714285714273,113.52957142857146,112.21428571428572,2.24,9.17142857142857,3.1291,-2.62868,85,1,27,0,5,29,24,28,0.057,0.943,0.0,-0.1027,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42174517824917024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4351902048827309,0.0,0.0,0.4931683768474189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4079496211157903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020096136489342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24797342486787224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,o3dipusr3x,2019/01/26,"Keep Vomiting and getting sick, doctors are saying it’s psychosomatic December and January have been really rough on me. This is my 2nd time with the flu and even when I’m feeling ok, I keep vomiting multiple times a day. Backstory: I’ve had the vomiting since college. My parents just gave me home remedies like honey and baking soda. I lived with them and couldn’t get out of their household till I got a job out of state. I got hospitalized for 30+ days for ptsd and was prescribed Zoloft. My vomiting went away while I was hospitalized. I got better, got a new job I love, a supportive SO. A year later, my vomiting and GI got worse (like loose stools worse) and I went to the gastroenterologist, got scoped, and was told there was nothing medically wrong with me. My psychiatrist prescribed me buspirone and my vomiting briefly subsided for a few months. I told him I believe Zoloft is giving my diarrhea and he believes it’s still psychosomatic and from anxiety. Yesterday I was told by him we’ve reached a block with medication. Since I got serotonin syndrome when on abilify at a low dose and more buspirone makes me tired. I don’t know what to do and I feel stuck. I also feel guilty for being sick again and my SOs parents are in town and all I can think about is if they’re like my parents. TL;DR: my psychiatrist told me we’ve hit a wall in meds. I’m still vomiting multiple times a day and I don’t know what to do. ",3.826212073819207,5.736043460431657,4.998733187363153,80.75235064122617,73.02877697841727,8.863559587112919,28.993431341883017,9.43228470229965,2.67633481388802,1134,47,222,28,23,374,148,278,0.107,0.8029999999999999,0.09,-0.6854,5,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,1,11,9,0,0,13,1,20,20,0,1,1,37,52,24,0,2,2,3,4,3,1,0,17,1,2,0,5,23,2,3,6,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,22,6,37,7,25,27,3,32,0,1,0,1,17,11,0,1,21,132,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336378922814593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07018022171992727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619197962787385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671728155903984,0.0,0.08113584974462425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749254542727544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389893821393633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059286328174809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915825782595445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585987047537796,0.08800458097252127,0.0,0.0,0.5136054203433775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202187765432604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18207396143880408,0.16308399697083162,0.0,0.0,0.10083490845635447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445738850110814,0.0,0.08100737681948016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279819182960163,0.0,0.06123661512207911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019015480381289,0.1848351451164866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322533835952964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886022718599088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802621758126758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055965088973647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072381923147024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058770467925374936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295467820296016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177519566696426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652605555750942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410453448517767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058782762379703576,0.0,0.0,0.16048156109176054,0.10544069221339708,0.0,0.3506428721498391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008627820453553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18698012415748216,0.0,0.10030239204533964,0.0,0.05907702423478079 ptsd,baggins,2019/01/26,"Rebuilding trust? My friend suffers from PTSD. She moved in with me a few months ago but I didn't really understand how to approach this. over a week or two I touched her several times in a way that triggered her but she wasn't able to tell me this until it got to the point where she left to stay with another friend. (Hugs and cuddling in bed - she just didn't want them but felt she couldn't say no without hurting me. Now i know how to deal with this properly but its kinda late.) Shes having trouble at the place shes crashing but all her pets and things are still at my place and she has no plan to move out so shes still paying me rent... I want her to be able to feel safe to live in the space she's paying for. She's been away for 2 months now. How can I help her feel safe again?",1.7177852916314436,3.1104776213017797,2.6634192730346595,97.46770710059174,77.52071005917159,6.248689771766696,20.355452240067624,6.868970318607317,0.002396111580726501,614,14,150,6,14,194,100,169,0.048,0.7929999999999999,0.159,0.9659,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,11,9,0,0,6,0,13,2,0,4,1,31,21,14,0,3,8,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,7,7,0,2,5,0,3,3,7,3,0,1,6,5,28,6,26,13,2,32,0,2,0,2,23,15,0,2,12,102,35,2,0.29877407762119434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242259640744866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664533548877302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403540404831637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401147745086374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106915080185504,0.0,0.1434349842742193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308321112289906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947846170254245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013098317111263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599219147429706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209920972172703,0.0,0.16851508661975995,0.0,0.16230945476829015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191149216718226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384786182862686,0.3175495613044009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121553202932878,0.0,0.14121903783416934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746254541369363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570116233581656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879856921888213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16876483252593014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922670679411427,0.2386013643304954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130570856420731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924611064388936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710878366920229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592943013223494,0.1555171758187176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762246919504082,0.11857647801355292,0.11982927164658808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400377452450408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mchrisos,2019/01/26,"PTSD and paranoia? Does anyone else experience severe paranoia as part of their PTSD where they feel like people are constantly looking at them, talking about them, and swear you can even hear people saying things about you? ",10.75236842105263,10.958095289473679,7.967368421052632,71.78157894736844,56.631578947368425,9.705263157894738,34.78947368421053,8.841846274778883,3.0446947368421053,183,6,27,2,2,52,31,38,0.187,0.7559999999999999,0.057,-0.5661,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,5,5,1,3,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595972965057564,0.2285381288887444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410346935175766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519003434916907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632724468452788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732051654796866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181828788893837,0.0,0.0,0.11277932369421645,0.15934490427779516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25139031036647524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089695543602677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873034016359472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415382909065709,0.0,0.3092655720453198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5214602852488465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773760191439636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519797533065683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927682301174688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818259291574404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,seizonnokamen,2019/01/26,"Hallucinations & Troubling Images Hi everyone! What do you guys do when you begin seeing violent hallucinations or images? Right when I am trying to fall asleep, I end up seeing people getting killed in various violent ways. Some nights I just try to sleep and endure them. Other nights, especially with stress as a factor, I am too afraid to go through with it and to close my eyes. When stressed, I will see troubling images while awake. I try to ignore them because I am not sure what else to do. What does everyone else do?",4.2001587301587335,6.68135824489796,4.9117687074829925,79.24196145124719,73.6938775510204,7.620861678004537,25.174603174603178,8.515128840125781,1.908887528344672,420,14,74,8,9,135,64,98,0.27,0.73,0.0,-0.9832,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,2,0,5,10,3,3,1,0,8,3,3,0,1,11,14,8,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,9,0,0,0,4,12,1,12,13,2,15,0,0,4,0,6,4,0,2,8,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839230891540153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347748155821744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854858958694034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836071984084384,0.0,0.15034732675571846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244050970096898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868690354444883,0.0,0.09647233076252314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807830625909967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878022391685487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185960801722376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768265907712346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449648119653918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4058041881888044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698717002132306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38889406267426624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599865267457055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457455080495836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473894190001906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sad-but-trying,2019/01/26,"I want to get a dog, but is it fair!? I’m an animal person, I’ve always grown up with at least one dog and a litter of cats (I lived in the country). My therapist really thinks I would benefit from getting a dog, I have the coolest cat who prefers dogs anyway, the more I consider it, the happier I feel... but I’m very depressed/anxious, you guys understand what that means... so I want to ask your opinion, is my becoming a dog owner a good idea?",1.138828502415457,3.09858372826087,3.53144927536232,87.95074879227055,81.28260869565217,7.567149758454105,24.352657004830927,8.515128840125781,1.7192642512077292,341,13,74,8,9,118,66,92,0.0,0.8170000000000001,0.183,0.9442,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,14,15,4,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,11,2,8,14,2,4,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,0,46,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073113595079019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329200448650148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751647427430431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597687569649474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603394259705899,0.0,0.0,0.2089737884534114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24669600595353025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281258124687995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22000252948373894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27139555873410753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882934834807306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175467012590295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15961079237682702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289280400409376,0.0,0.1596441820649902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25937218582079874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055734553483389,0.2939082664416096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698781675786104,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FeramAmor,2019/01/26,"14 hour Panic Attack and still going... Any tips on how to stop it? Or even to ride it out somewhat easier... It's past the point where I can even cry anymore... I have been lying awake all night with my chest hurting so badly, and my head racing and I am shaking and dissociating. And it just won't stop... Guys I have nobody to turn to... The guy I trusted can't be relied on anymore, and I think that is on exacerbating it... What can I do?",0.3554945054945087,2.4642243846153846,2.871087912087912,90.68641208791209,85.37362637362638,4.958681318681318,17.89120879120879,6.2581,-0.23446901098901085,333,8,74,3,10,115,63,91,0.24100000000000002,0.728,0.031,-0.9626,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,2,2,0,11,2,2,1,1,16,14,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,8,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,1,0,9,1,9,11,2,15,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,2,6,54,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377067959774153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901702328040785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22378792027938754,0.0,0.0,0.16424602591599452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21607853015058487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598524026285172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179577400217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895509560656205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20188292242483535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19372136818175936,0.0,0.2105839088094932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460057456572415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307987582033065,0.0,0.0,0.187783545252643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595610884994265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709419196471405,0.32891952480200404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604489382257258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21396580733019505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,poop_dawg,2019/01/26,"I'm considering getting a second dog to help me feel safe(er) And also I love dogs. There are times when I'm alone in my home - no boyfriend, and no neighbor (a.k.a. my giant Nordic father) - and I'm constantly terrified. I feel like having a big dog would help me feel more safe. Fellow scardy-cats, does having a big dog help you feel safe?",2.7824378109452748,4.805715925373137,3.382910447761194,90.6978482587065,76.31343283582089,6.257711442786071,21.61442786069652,7.1686216300943375,0.5292308457711443,265,7,55,3,6,83,44,67,0.132,0.598,0.27,0.8953,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,10,13,5,0,1,0,1,4,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,7,4,2,12,1,7,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,4,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633460114308358,0.0,0.20333883588925472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27477446970701325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225125246398424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5142642066957743,0.1816498319577101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284506345727298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5112934740763221,0.0,0.2550525494312307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422299494146755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22948770936585236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826630484152445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062540977576214,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tepacohu,2019/01/26,"PTSD changes the brain Has anyone else read info about this?? I saw some ct scans done of the brain, one normal and one w PTSD and the frontal part of the brain looks tense or something like that. If you haven’t seen this it’s definitely something worth seeing. ",2.8794117647058783,5.27905105882353,2.2703529411764727,96.95258823529413,77.62745098039215,4.864313725490196,20.003921568627447,5.6839178017228535,-0.3397560784313729,208,5,44,1,5,60,40,51,0.045,0.813,0.141,0.6199,0,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,3,3,3,0,0,7,7,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,5,2,1,3,4,2,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,3,1,24,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276519121611158,0.18705680767550675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6114002248544371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312686871221554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18682477409286127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250750386001513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891907931143396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330648127358998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887244259040064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474180862680289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976973463818634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268114767654089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826118573287767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547863886841078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281090991545338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,redditreadr999,2019/01/26,"Have you undergone forced outpatient treatment? I'm writing an article for [MadInAmerica.com](https://madinamerica.com/) about forced out patient treatment, also known as Assisted Outpatient Treatment (AOT). If you have undergone this type of treatment please reach out to me on Reddit, at [msimonson@madinamerica.com](mailto:msimonson@madinamerica.com) or at 201-572-1030.",18.17078014184397,21.96836465957447,15.124255319148936,14.533333333333356,40.70212765957447,13.07517730496454,45.45390070921986,12.45797560212912,6.744679432624112,317,14,31,8,3,98,37,47,0.121,0.81,0.069,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,10,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,0,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5888325236713088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8082550705482009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,janethepremed,2019/03/20,"I literally forgot my entire life Last night my boyfriend and I were talking about when we first met. He told me I used to be very mentally ill and I was so much better now. He brought it up because he said he was proud of me and never stopped loving me. I was stunned. “What?” I asked. “I was?” He explained calmly and softly that yes, I used to have panic attacks, go unconscious, have convulsions. He said I was sad 80% of the time. My eyes went wide. I literally felt like he was telling me a story about someone else. I knew he was talking about me, and I vaguely remembered all of that, but I had a big fat empty hole in my memory trying to remember. It literally took me like 20 minutes to have it sink in. That that was me. That was my past. It actually happened. I have been so happy the past few months, healthy, confident, the like. But it was in part because I literally forgot my past. Not just the trauma itself but who I used to be. What I used to do. Now that I remember, I’m having a hard time staying healthy. I just can’t stop thinking about it. My mind is reeling. I’m scrambling for a way to forget again. 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It is, of course, the mailman. Any other additions?",1.8259848484848504,4.619401749999998,3.0927272727272737,85.95075757575759,88.31818181818181,4.751515151515153,20.96969696969697,6.42735559955562,0.6211333333333333,183,6,32,2,6,59,37,44,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,6,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871164307552434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671257106129587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128504974604669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4220991968710512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4823322877348633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4546119005198345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,coffeebecausekids,2019/03/20,"MTHFR Anyone else have this DNA gene mutation?? I’m wondering if my heightened startle reflex is because of the gene mutation or because of PTSD..... also have insomnia and avoidance symptoms so it’s hard to say and maybe it doesn’t even matter. 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Anyone else experiencing this? I’ve finally gotten help for my PTSD and while I feel positive it will actually help me, I’m struggling to function. I work 8-5 and I’m exhausted from dealing with insomnia most nights. When I don’t have insomnia and actually sleep, I’m left with a loss of interest in all aspects of my job. I go to work, struggle to do any actual work, go home, eat, and lay on the couch or in bed because I’m too exhausted to do anything else. My husband does all of the house work and it makes me feel so guilty. I have no interest in doing anything else and don’t care much about anything. My boss knows of my ptsd and insomnia and is so supportive, which I’m extremely grateful for. But I feel this life isn’t for me. I hate working 8-5 especially when I’m dealing with mental health issues and little sleep. I fantasize about quitting my job all the time. My husband works from home, which I wish I could do but can’t in my current position, so we could try to survive on one salary but it may be hard. We just moved into a new apartment and the rent is a little high for one salary, so I feel obligated to work full time. Does anyone else feel like this? Are you able to work full time and deal with your ptsd? I get the feeling that I may be better off finding a part time job while I go to therapy for my trauma and give myself space to actually deal with it. 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ptsd,memoryserum,2019/03/20,"extreme response to rape/csa mentions and depictions even when i'm not a victim i had my worst panic attack yet last night because of a rape scene on tv. it wasn't graphic, but i just lost it. i couldn't talk move or breathe properly and i wanted to cry but i couldn't. my dad calmed me down but even 30 minutes later i was still twitching and whimpering. i felt very distant and couldn't say more than a few words. i have ptsd mainly from witnessing my mom's death and some other things i'm not quite sure about. but i do know i wasn't raped. yet i still have really strong reactions to mentions or depictions. like one time someone did a presentation about csa at school and i just burst into tears. i don't know what to do. is it normal for people to be so strongly affected by things that aren't even related to their own trauma?",2.577960784313728,4.4853851882352975,3.61470588235294,89.33284313725491,76.52941176470588,6.886274509803924,23.68627450980393,7.793537801064563,1.1058745098039229,662,21,138,10,15,213,108,170,0.201,0.698,0.10099999999999999,-0.9414,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,4,13,13,4,1,4,0,16,4,1,1,1,29,23,14,1,5,10,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,3,1,0,1,9,8,0,1,7,2,18,5,17,12,6,15,0,1,0,2,7,4,0,3,11,95,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20707025600965068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095568177982447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19993678166636872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606609114770389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476456166192178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000632198958828,0.14836789174723533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892415829043558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19869271307393016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131757416525999,0.0,0.19345493070644826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708103287573826,0.1783377055332895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333921640886035,0.0,0.0,0.21355736220347765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261874513656246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127677644451835,0.0,0.0,0.1935971494118283,0.0,0.0,0.11660454923730584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474697355499402,0.0,0.1842106026629231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542221465640755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907175195797084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154857156693318,0.0,0.0,0.14629811676201315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24184759542581705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613539278358293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501828274835923,0.10735815672360977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ninovd1,2019/03/20,"I get flashbacks because of internet I won't tell what I watched but I saw something that was so emotional and shocking between a son and a mother, that after 2 weeks, it's still stuck in my thoughts. What do I do to get rid of these thoughts?",2.9063999999999983,4.410841439999999,3.6810000000000014,90.93550000000002,74.6,6.6000000000000005,32.5,7.1686216300943375,1.9016,192,10,41,2,4,61,38,50,0.14,0.802,0.057999999999999996,-0.5819,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,10,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,2,6,0,6,4,0,4,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,3,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21705274828649831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40052303943820977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720565259507619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741147541173741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843524350786492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31121482542834084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5653486246730116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856123248248613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,123sadme,2019/03/20,"I feel like a ruined person It’s been 5 years of unrelenting PTSD and I thought it would be easier by now but it’s just evolved. I hate my fucking life. I’m a miserable person. I don’t have any friends anymore because I pushed everybody away, I can’t trust anybody new, I can’t be a normal person in a relationship. I struggle with if I was this awful before my trauma or did it make me into the fuckin shell of a person I am today? I’m mad because I lash out at anybody trying to care, while also being mad because their trying is so minimal effort. Like how hard is it to just listen to me without telling me about a friend who was raped and whose fucking life is still in shambles 20 years later? How is it so hard to do a little research or ask me about it instead of taking it personally? The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because my moms brother did last year. And I got real close to just doing it two weeks ago, but didn’t because I was watching my coworkers puppy and didn’t want her to be upset that her puppy ate part of my dead body or something. I can’t afford therapy, I cant handle drinking or doing drugs.. all I do is try to get outside of myself as much as I possibly can and even then it’s still unbearable Fuck this ",3.5772413793103475,4.326408045977015,5.346226053639846,82.55887931034484,71.98850574712644,7.485823754789273,27.526819923371647,7.594959193182576,1.5738061302681996,984,34,198,11,18,338,146,261,0.217,0.693,0.09,-0.9914,1,0,3,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,17,20,9,3,9,1,32,11,1,4,1,31,49,21,2,4,11,2,3,2,2,1,3,1,0,5,15,9,2,0,3,1,0,1,9,14,0,1,11,5,32,6,25,33,3,24,0,2,1,5,18,8,4,5,17,145,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226264114789663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323454357290587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707795041085714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10322163152210218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730286051989047,0.0,0.09778870692817118,0.0,0.0,0.31723789002075553,0.0,0.08856633495669544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561192421440793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611879805399392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019609876419294,0.12070237455855885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874534933504893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526271166216351,0.07435638542422694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160827387632567,0.28866710919258315,0.05437868361163442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324408927194489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18647451743532428,0.102759680884724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151515966524263,0.0,0.0,0.08484093138757921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470327528427448,0.1016986670548638,0.10431776522221282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947571497139222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189988182791275,0.0,0.0,0.07651243498636608,0.0,0.0,0.10052329269482048,0.0,0.0,0.1019785134154544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791592468160857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271094193289975,0.0,0.0,0.4544030622490472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733710647892845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166658899174387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846839533330356,0.0,0.10701389539784792,0.0,0.11174539266154553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012760668201432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624045028454654,0.0,0.0,0.10880937402910903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825690430600067,0.0,0.09097248050667142,0.0,0.11902713210120965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262968620911891,0.0,0.0,0.0986578099180605,0.0,0.0,0.2119950617392925,0.0,0.10167324165568256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613904120441509,0.0,0.08348850867510331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033158187003803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393704933248872,0.0,0.0,0.20107668372482249 ptsd,ThinkingkofPizza,2019/03/20,"I can’t be a supportive friend (TW: SA) A friend of mine recently had sex for the first time and I can tell she wants to talk about it with me. My anxiety is keeping me in a constant state of being too busy or distracted to give her the chance. The topic of virginity and first times makes me feel sick and panicky because I was sexually assaulted at a young age during the prime time of sex education in school. So I remember learning about the concept of virginity and connecting the dots in class that what happened to me wasn’t okay and this whole ‘virginity’ thing was something, by textbook definition, I no longer had. I feel like it was stolen from me. So when it gets brought up by friends who go into detail about ‘loosing’ theirs I start to panic. It all comes flooding back to my head. It makes me want to run. I want to be there for her. But I physically shut down. I feel like a terrible friend. What can I do? ",4.216822194199247,5.3275983661202195,5.181967213114755,82.9829886506936,70.80327868852459,8.909457755359396,29.37746952501051,9.265573868473778,2.3510112652374944,723,28,151,15,13,237,112,183,0.128,0.738,0.134,-0.1779,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,9,12,1,2,11,1,14,7,1,2,1,22,31,10,0,3,2,0,3,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,11,8,0,1,5,0,0,4,3,4,0,2,7,3,24,8,28,21,2,25,0,0,0,5,12,8,0,1,14,106,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605149571264138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664935432029155,0.0,0.09247603627899167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067770632073047,0.0,0.16393580069048136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301150319233293,0.2167516558509332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580750226390555,0.0,0.0,0.4688178745732948,0.0,0.07925795241773148,0.14552623233627393,0.08621565412272543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414943996850007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556898583011444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348395695498844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482277168007165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20252431819487268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798942837342466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978726986308302,0.0,0.1718486171578077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353036547181992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678749127334595,0.0,0.0,0.10737534624630694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214945523665473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193219613645903,0.13259409850403425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078396459662646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653756962085833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684330347963345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693696916477855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NotBrokenYetBritches,2019/03/20,"Does anybody else feel like nightmares are easier when there's music playing? I have some music playing through the speakers as i go to sleep and although I still have nightmares, i feel like it's easier to endure them. I rarely wake anded c",4.286304347826088,6.551844369565224,4.542826086956524,82.9755434782609,72.69565217391305,6.339130434782609,28.89130434782609,7.1686216300943375,1.7988869565217387,195,8,33,2,4,61,33,46,0.0,0.693,0.307,0.9042,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,5,6,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,4,4,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207284583026709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061654767709588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706289487316534,0.5236583482124018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082915899798593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581088275170596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366766784323833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926890512005971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ptsdsuckss,2019/03/20,"Sent this to a friend who didn’t believe me about my ptsd Hey so I was thinking about our conversation about our PTSD and I realized, all my life since ____ kissed me, people have been downplaying what I’ve been through. I have had very traumatizing experiences. Ending up in the hospital as a result of self-harm, and being rejected by a guy. I was very objectified and was rejected a lot when I was on [dating site]. I already feared men since _____, and now I’m scared to get close to a man in a romantic sense because I have flashbacks several times a day about how I felt when I was rejected and objectified in the past. My flashbacks haven’t been as intense since taking my medications, but the paranoia is still there. I feel very threatened when I am around men now. Then I sense that they are uncomfortable because they know I am uncomfortable, and so my anxiety around them increases even more. Plus, my relationship with my mom hasn’t been strong in the sense that I feel like she is always peering over my shoulder, and for good reasons. For instance, she read my diary when I was 14 and she found out other things about my personal life that led me to blaming myself and feeling guilty. when I was really young, I was exposed to things that gave me the impression that men sexualized women and it has made it difficult for me to trust men. Just thought I’d let you know, cause I know that you said “nothing traumatic happened in my life.”",6.210255754475702,6.74834739130435,6.389590792838877,78.16921994884912,66.02898550724638,10.117306052855925,32.53964194373401,10.056822442137396,3.0885629156010235,1144,45,221,25,17,366,149,276,0.14400000000000002,0.7509999999999999,0.106,-0.8779,0,3,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,2,3,1,21,13,0,2,12,0,27,6,1,6,1,37,45,23,0,0,2,1,4,1,1,0,4,1,0,8,14,16,0,0,12,1,0,3,3,6,0,0,21,5,45,7,32,22,4,31,0,3,0,1,27,13,0,1,16,159,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464336331728036,0.0,0.10152382400101227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933389065552184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723323693661514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487548618970804,0.0,0.0,0.13746583121230976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253400150170527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868769721664676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080664869851872,0.0,0.0,0.08058782752694431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193512256491764,0.0,0.13729751037270105,0.18507891974806392,0.08716545369330958,0.11715072999195485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377994705174073,0.09426622965413073,0.0,0.06374627547062925,0.0,0.0,0.1023379431311879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081114102782314,0.10789487860336787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011639433572616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247656174583288,0.25854221939770977,0.05960893878357992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037303064636547,0.0,0.11545077937983265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291433337869664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289907240742275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707388058727515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647433546229115,0.08458781289941675,0.1065362412510766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852511823504373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220450973085562,0.0,0.07816406217387932,0.12544873840522308,0.0,0.13099531121515526,0.0,0.0,0.1160614277158693,0.0,0.12215537636554677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12728520835444626,0.1378389200335159,0.0,0.3027889580263949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743900398439267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917378988979732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621188076204046,0.0781804136600332,0.0,0.09686396192958213,0.07114622452252413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020182302060858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hydrawoman,2019/03/20,"Had a good meeting with social worker in home today although I was not aware that we would be updating a care plan with so many intrusive questions. Met with the social worker today, from council on aging but I was not aware we would be updating a care plan We spoke for 90 minutes. I totally understand that questions regarding my PTSD, bipolar disorder and all my other physical disorders need to be discussed in detail from time to time. This worker helps me to retain my low income housing and other benefits as I am disabled. I should add that this was first time meeting her face to face as my prior worker went on medical leave. Ok, I am rambling a bit here. Tonight I am stuck on thinking of the intrusive questions that need to be asked and the resulting answers. I know this helps me to retain much needed services. Logically I know this has to be done at times. I was unable to eat dinner as I was physically ill this evening just remembering old and more recent trauma. About an hour ago I did eat two bananas and I have been drinking water. I am still just a bundle of anxiety. After this post I am going to put on some music I like, probably Paolo Nutini, and relax and do some deep breathing while letting all this cluttered bullshit in my mind/body/spirit go, just release it and enjoy the music. Thanks for reading, have a good one. 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I feel horrible, like I suck as a person now and because of the dp I lose control of my facial expressions and make douche expressions because my biggest fear is doing so due to OCD. I feel like now I am the most guarded sucky person who is not laid back and chill at all and just suck. I've been thinking about how things were several years ago before things got hard and I hate the person I am right now. This feels like a crisis honestly. Does anyone have any tips?",4.16749758454106,5.863235991304354,4.887246376811596,82.78207729468602,71.69565217391305,7.893719806763285,28.42995169082125,8.515128840125781,2.1637922705314017,469,18,87,8,9,151,77,115,0.25,0.67,0.08,-0.9693,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,9,10,3,1,6,0,11,1,1,4,1,21,21,8,0,1,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,4,5,10,4,9,17,3,12,0,1,0,0,6,3,2,2,12,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669745222693906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253929860916732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157148915056594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725207402141694,0.0,0.2017630956013692,0.0,0.14082033128011215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856118057366887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482195947828552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622296009607575,0.3347081258629184,0.2364530683888204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235796913260792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824709260793598,0.1633877286612444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425510775468036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514167636371312,0.0,0.14069420974129832,0.0,0.0,0.11046627596115152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797952538346874,0.0,0.4335000864057145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835217629001155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634020253532369,0.0,0.0,0.14132808788428206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695729904648986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189252950141942,0.0,0.21988923295378804,0.10603970905070273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657053543983276 ptsd,dingdongbtchh,2019/03/20,"Anybody with “atypical” trauma? I’ve struggled with horrible migraines for over a decade. The pain/lack of control/unpredictability feels unparalleled. It’s not what most people think of when they think of trauma, but I’ve still been diagnosed with PTSD by multiple people. It’s been really hard for me to talk about my experience because I know it’s hard for people to wrap their minds around how it could feel so bad. A lot of the triggers for my panic are things that other people love. People around me are *thrilled* about the mall, but I can’t go because the smells could give me a migraine. And I can’t explain to anyone how that fear feels. I think I’m asking people here if they relate to this, if they have any advice or kind words for me. I just want to know people hear me! And know what terror at what should be mundane things is like!",4.155790209790212,5.886377418181822,4.449696969696972,85.76685314685317,71.78787878787878,7.016317016317017,23.6013986013986,7.61054688173877,1.0040629370629368,674,18,131,8,13,211,98,165,0.17800000000000002,0.738,0.084,-0.9423,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,0,11,11,0,4,7,0,12,4,0,3,0,35,29,11,0,6,7,0,5,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,13,7,0,0,10,1,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,7,16,4,24,23,2,7,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,5,3,89,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043043979454293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380863565363908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617351717800918,0.0,0.0,0.21942262362687748,0.115214426663111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290173739824633,0.1502540888079435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382261342682032,0.19679706402718247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508781115691853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055410780748554,0.0,0.13868126428649027,0.1869442389287691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822474403732272,0.07004114294058374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22080085311776984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389024415295308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833734755554774,0.20319137556035294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602097078879482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477575307924154,0.11123051695302401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244390642005889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113794172353074,0.1445976733746057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5980823223227829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406304418845592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895183921846788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842104366415906,0.0,0.0,0.12883906575154722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905707339987466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375272315124428,0.23690506650956614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269119415901579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,emmett_crab,2019/03/20,"Triggered and alone I was contacted by my abuser today over social media. I have not been able to take a normal breath since. I’ve taken my medication, tried to exercise, and attempted to sleep. Everything feels like it’s crushing me and I’m alone. Can someone help me? ",2.0687394957983187,4.9258039411764765,3.678879551820732,81.66352941176471,88.01960784313727,6.835854341736696,22.97198879551821,7.957251820313856,1.902387114845939,215,8,37,5,7,71,41,51,0.18600000000000005,0.718,0.096,-0.5994,0,2,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,1,0,7,8,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,6,1,5,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,21,7,0,0.2476995832478523,0.29348350201311063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5130841319180792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226164136618408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524435182984556,0.17695663176498266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602780936790942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101350458567026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495312708043853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426929999816693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489965491948925,0.0,0.2478784689245302,0.2524985315771234,0.20987505307037574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623926000889812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23479024216690386,0.0,0.0,0.16817175759761932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cbuzz8,2019/07/30,"Just began more ptsd work this week I’ve (28f) done years of work in therapy, but this was not recently (in the last 2-3? years). So now my new therapist brings up stuff about trauma and I’ve been anxious since. I had everything at bay for a long time. Now we’re poking around and rediscovering what’s been neatly tied up in those figurative boxes I’ve compartmentalized, and it’s really stirring up stuff. I don’t remember what my triggers are, or even some of my traumas, but I’m sure having random responses and startle reactions again. This is really tough. I thought I was through with this fight or flight feeling, but apparently things still need processing. Thanks for reading. Just having a tough two days.",4.731132971506104,6.8255754104477635,5.27583446404342,78.93463364993218,71.01492537313433,9.051831750339213,27.853459972862957,9.573946990214177,2.653740298507463,571,21,105,14,11,183,95,134,0.154,0.763,0.08199999999999999,-0.8801,1,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,10,9,1,1,3,0,11,0,0,1,1,23,18,10,0,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,6,0,1,8,1,7,3,15,10,2,23,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,4,14,68,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979378650412866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743685075144814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140556888749677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809822345661472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680987636753727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894426036919826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942229613515118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415896932881286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565095244047022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113441331122894,0.0,0.1708059309512183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067319368604888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690106763468755,0.0,0.2265933880861261,0.0,0.17462120780664847,0.0,0.20034020992190252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629480174158724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123520087431812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4049092242776128,0.0,0.0,0.1666820561759448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282267354217014,0.20224705699526188,0.2053402061964464,0.11749341343554935,0.0,0.0,0.14040169296884572,0.10312452817659684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275988706965484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418609763537387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575024844098871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277753360140489 ptsd,wastedkittycat,2019/07/30,"You call that trauma? Does anyone else ever feel jealous of what other people consider trauma? A few weeks back my cousins husband had to sit in jail for 4 days and she said she was traumatized. Could that be considered trauma? I don't know. If you're a little kid and your parent gets taken away, that's one thing. But if not, like, what? What do you consider trauma? I've had some people talk to me about stuff that traumatized them and I know I shouldn't compare, because if I was them then I'd still how they feel, and it's subjective. It's perception. You can't have the same perception without the same brain and experiences, right? So I don't want to invalidate anyone. Part of me longs to live a life where witnessing a bar fight or seeing your grandpa dead in his hospital bed was considered trauma to me. I know that's insane.",2.348577540106952,4.77711995757576,3.571051693404634,86.7471657754011,79.72727272727273,7.0338680926916215,21.8270944741533,8.124751697461798,1.2681265597147948,663,20,130,13,17,215,102,165,0.22,0.78,0.0,-0.9868,1,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,5,3,0,7,8,2,0,6,0,13,3,1,1,1,27,23,13,1,6,7,4,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,1,13,5,1,0,7,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,7,4,21,1,13,13,5,14,0,0,1,0,20,6,0,5,8,90,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521314682564435,0.1847324758718148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939211739239365,0.1386349321345918,0.0,0.10990552916745898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126769453885987,0.1841002989041905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395006240499944,0.0,0.0,0.11627469369771355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777646594971512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506124750400086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308621563941206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17636209592709776,0.0,0.0,0.18232409440372832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941961566661456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29725454835068504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734696118008487,0.08808252552649648,0.18070192037218405,0.15920287645206435,0.15955448772819247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221718584309616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20019511456998498,0.19524079729706345,0.0,0.2499862718910131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397006314609454,0.17150085000742776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436709493687255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398299535062134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063934578479024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491346167236532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977930073872604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634205329444277,0.0,0.14462094557398048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17379695087672714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hoefortoes,2019/07/30,"Has anyone else's PTSD turned into a chronic illness When I get triggures my Ibs flairs up so I'm in so much pain, my muscles tense up, my trich, OCD, Exchema and anxiety flares up, I'm a mess near any flare up",1.3603333333333332,2.9980058666666665,2.9575,93.89625000000002,79.22222222222223,5.388888888888888,24.583333333333336,5.985473137389443,0.4766666666666671,164,6,37,1,4,54,35,45,0.275,0.725,0.0,-0.8974,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,7,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438130795922609,0.0,0.2742749018458686,0.0,0.0,0.250692908178308,0.3673569343131831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29950628247093186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731742306626625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26356121925513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815018007826997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4191030457074176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3899783014446161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,parranna,2019/07/30,"So I told someone about my abuse and diagnosis for the first time This is what happened This is my sister and I trusted her more than anyone in the world and that’s why I came to her first. [I am now in my school’s counseling center so I don’t freak out over it ](https://imgur.com/a/BinnulY) Now I’m certain I can’t tell anyone else. If she doesn’t believe me no one will",1.4884740259740283,3.728256467532472,2.7221915584415584,92.68900162337664,81.72727272727272,5.4084415584415595,20.01461038961039,6.6274283507984215,0.0753389610389612,296,8,65,3,8,95,55,77,0.126,0.805,0.069,-0.6573,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,7,11,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,3,2,0,13,2,8,8,1,12,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,5,48,18,1,0.0,0.2926341432437936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453921291278522,0.2530629897237949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27826495503961823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824824414483369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063223753346569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4201667609106224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21840600881539435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736188701387125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24995970436062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20926766214187906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21587378861619835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440176136382751,0.0,0.0,0.23600257878263184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22286349439368547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ballpoint_pen_,2019/07/30,"Missing my trauma situations and wanting to go back? So, I am 18, sorry for the long post and rambling. Half dissociating. Quick recap: \-Raised by a narcissistic manipulative terrible mother, left when I was 15. Was a lot of anger issues, covert incest and just so scared all the time. \-Was molested at 7-8 by some boys. After school program thing. \-Almost raped at 13 by the son of a family friend. \-At 14 had an older bf who was generally abusive, hardly remember anything tbh. He did stuff and let his friends do some stuff so he could get cheaper drugs. \-At 14-16 sneaked out at night, drank, smoked and got all this alcohol by basically lowkey prostituting myself I guess. Not just random scary men in alleyways but like, older ""friend"" saying if I give a hj I get beer etc. \-At 16 raped again, triggering an ED. \-Almost a year ago lost one of my closest friends to suicide and it triggered massive death paranoia. Now in a pretty healthy relationship with an amazing dude, living in a shared housing unit and gonna return to school in a few weeks. But pretty unstable. And scared. I'm back living in the city, the place where I did all the shit. And I feel this need to just go into the mode I was in. This sorta selfish hyper focused-constant-adrenaline, mode. It was terrible, scary, traumatic and I hated it. But it feels safe at the same time. Sometimes I even want to seek out and be with my abusive mother, but I guess that is probably just that I am fucking desperate for some affection and love from her. Is something really wrong with me? Why am I like this? Is this a common response?",3.364076678765876,5.785843506578949,4.335117967332123,82.65289473684214,76.10526315789474,7.219419237749546,26.93012704174229,8.216663640201805,1.9686382940108884,1262,50,233,23,29,408,185,304,0.22,0.618,0.162,-0.9734,0,0,5,0,0,1,62.0,0,0,0,1,15,26,7,2,20,0,19,10,1,4,3,55,40,21,2,5,10,3,3,2,5,1,2,1,0,2,15,18,3,1,3,1,0,2,1,16,0,2,12,4,20,10,35,24,10,41,0,2,0,5,20,20,2,11,20,154,35,3,0.0,0.24548982778508385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183204780507036,0.11071315425156376,0.2074738632673365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852510936296133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593186298389328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195101464446146,0.0,0.08271337661610531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013905187126525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553748352064012,0.068424512109866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766156163463424,0.0,0.10476300763369564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32015359989020165,0.09577329618037964,0.1082497923508502,0.0993792039250244,0.11775255821635155,0.0,0.08285558586228553,0.0,0.2282464516532929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280211679664516,0.10228009744824958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953645344296306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812783220927076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125579018526035,0.10593444152366556,0.0,0.10122403541129384,0.0,0.18295521736278933,0.09167964371645447,0.0,0.0,0.11308781893932635,0.08807404081477888,0.09349988715958464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681549309582181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721829871181199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019967042361397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082362945353329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921681158994082,0.2107897710059468,0.11169455020137692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636657151459661,0.0,0.0,0.11122387255792698,0.11735464111580865,0.0,0.0,0.08238409594473632,0.20743634084477536,0.2096903802697346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634031992969006,0.0,0.11644680805778397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975364801808914,0.10245958880590156,0.11596780170789545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371864176347993,0.1133177581010052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688249122459005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081590609413186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220780119603065,0.0,0.08309886455056144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347972907711648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326651139165095,0.0,0.06671275033449757 ptsd,yellowwalks,2019/07/30,"Moving, health stress... feeling lost I'm in the middle of moving for the second time in a year. Everything is crazy stressful. My health is also very bad right now (ok, always, but it's particularly worse at the moment). That means I'm not very helpful with the move, and since my PTSD is health based, it's been bad. I've had some health scares that I probably should have gone to hospital for, but that would have been so bad for my mental health. I'm terrified that any day now I'll need to go, and I will be trapped there again. I feel useless. Frustrated. Depressed. Angry. And I hate that even though I'm happy about moving, nothing is stable, and I need stability so much. I really am just desperately miserable. I don't know what to do. I have so much to do, but it's too much physically or mentally. How do I keep my hope/will to carry on up?",1.8334468524251832,4.020702444444447,3.4452218782249773,88.27792569659442,80.1111111111111,6.8305469556243565,20.58513931888545,7.928766900206844,0.8528002063983484,662,18,140,12,17,219,103,171,0.348,0.622,0.03,-0.9969,0,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,1,14,14,2,4,5,1,19,5,0,1,0,22,34,14,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,4,0,0,6,2,12,0,1,5,2,13,2,16,25,4,20,0,4,0,0,1,7,0,2,7,89,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257634152438169,0.08591992277491124,0.0,0.0,0.07021979400987922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586513459027939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659363883025601,0.0,0.08893699398112083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820172492363842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280270693706386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044219039126494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05868458054645277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992133395900934,0.0,0.1019470779729921,0.0,0.5487984822539037,0.0,0.0,0.0692124622921005,0.0,0.0,0.10255968039913338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917815176445253,0.0,0.0,0.05674855351580727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271961000072772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247953562814587,0.0,0.0,0.2081219649617847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43899273414893575,0.22772217006616197,0.15313077049297638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907998322558816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133087768418948,0.0,0.12070447404915187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615048489196104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818278896076212,0.0,0.0,0.10338046864510687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541707376475594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23656611968072186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145163553605764,0.0,0.06021126742271665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039930132171752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522994213592192,0.0733523700005254,0.0,0.0,0.06649553656892973 ptsd,Grandmaswiener,2019/07/30,"Trapped inside memories I can't concentrate on the present. Every day I drift from one time to another, all day. Its like I have zero control. Some memories repeat themselves more than others. Some are horrible, intolerable even and I struggle to dodge them. Some are actually really good but leave me with a sensation of being lost and emptiness. Others, despite their unpleasant nature, make me feel nothing at all but yet Im still stuck thinking about them on repeat. I had a very abnormal upbringing and have lived around pretty much everything that statistically fucks up a person. I have distrust for anyone I encounter because something within me tells me they will try to harm me if they find out what I came from and how I live, and alternatively I can't stand the idea of pretending to be someone I'm not. I used to have this burning desire to reintegrate myself back into society but with every passing year I have felt it fade away more and more. At this point I just want to learn how to regulate my problems so that I can at least get by on the fringes. I can't afford real therapy and mental health care provided by the county is a fucking dumpsterfire right now. I'm considering attending NAMI support groups for emotional regulation classes and peer to peer experiences but I've never done group therapy before so it's an unfamiliar path, I keep hesitating to call and inquire about them.",6.044322292217032,7.818317297297297,6.7656980288559225,70.8352408047145,67.14671814671814,10.085836212152005,33.32269863848811,10.307518312809881,3.851111196911196,1136,51,186,30,19,374,170,259,0.133,0.765,0.102,-0.8597,1,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,6,2,13,11,3,1,9,0,17,3,0,5,3,45,34,18,0,4,7,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,15,0,2,7,1,0,4,5,7,0,2,6,2,29,4,35,25,10,32,0,1,0,2,11,14,2,4,14,138,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.12624532340632005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565450565752826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904576989299376,0.0,0.0,0.11516569287438967,0.0,0.0,0.12154628109015655,0.09947665032790086,0.0,0.07886204238539275,0.0,0.11008335197313347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321000470615487,0.14796348547982488,0.13190015148369372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509815135029774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668643951254932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238923633369198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552252925547146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544689684931016,0.0,0.2179976499088184,0.0,0.1162683691045423,0.1265475466933785,0.0,0.0,0.06541277117567608,0.0,0.12421437143341632,0.0,0.11824077346632328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391988106982311,0.06758987792350409,0.0,0.0,0.10850844276174956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751302436033938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604167034464322,0.139740543955836,0.0,0.0,0.11498896662255435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698291918571887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320307917265093,0.0,0.2284701067497607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412213679259657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635470338160002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037335999988553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510098069479712,0.0,0.09977722256727678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413288836883808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766367216343253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112959878634901,0.0,0.0,0.1222953668364995,0.0,0.0,0.1316146163462218,0.0,0.1237885055359681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725005915108688,0.08287698977443549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048028009044014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961379592292222,0.09959445124892974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331412048265223,0.0,0.0,0.13524439760411716,0.0,0.0,0.1468062233391754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307406585562738,0.0,0.2958890798373172,0.0,0.0,0.08289432717877554,0.0,0.0,0.07543600931494783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783294845015847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173313848348387,0.0,0.1067428392722722,0.07630509199840227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330928961850304 ptsd,androgynousorlando,2019/07/30,"Triggered by yelling Last night, I was sitting on my friend’s porch smoking (staying at their house to watch their cat) when the neighbors started yelling. I was verbally abused throughout my childhood and became frozen in a panic attack. People who lived at my friend’s house passed me but I couldn’t speak. I sat there, frozen for two hours while they argued while also having a panic attack. I was crying but making no sound. Eventually, I was going to pee my pants if I didn’t go inside, so I somehow forced myself in, took anxiety meds, and fell asleep. I haven’t been triggered like that in a really long time. Any suggestions on how to cope with something like that?",4.798425196850396,6.6852380157480304,4.50788188976378,85.3633976377953,70.41732283464566,6.654803149606299,26.08582677165355,7.1686216300943375,1.2488337007874013,536,17,97,5,10,163,89,127,0.23199999999999998,0.72,0.048,-0.9753,0,0,1,0,3,0,16.0,0,0,3,0,6,9,3,2,4,0,9,2,2,4,0,12,15,11,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,5,0,1,8,5,18,4,13,6,0,24,0,0,1,0,10,7,0,2,12,62,21,0,0.0,0.19652647922653885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326445946320924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279594057626427,0.0,0.12688858030875433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.377397633523658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18219822998554447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562984395964709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18853323492032464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334658685662576,0.3827788474386637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520457335429972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206947124424032,0.0,0.14646449935967493,0.14678797699195772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071819047200164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424197651332108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565589934710336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892207633789321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149919994389462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625930007591514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769330437747806,0.0,0.0,0.1174022373575552,0.17679323849762085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671897558228093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18428547185738509,0.0,0.0,0.1620289527092309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,unhappylittleboy,2019/07/30,"Success begets failure; why try? That's a pretty damn pessimistic title, I know. Quite frankly I don't know why I'm even writing this. I think I've lost it at this point. After attempting suicide at the end of 10th grade (when I was 16) and leaving school because of daily migraines (probably stress related) and then spending multiple years doing nothing but suffering from intense pain I finally got a job centered around bettering myself and contributing to my community (when I was 17). I worked that job for a year and left on good terms (not without a few major hiccups). That brings us to this past year (2018/19). Back in November (I was 18 [sorry for placing these probably obvious notes, it's just meant for clarity]) I decided to start lifting weights and did so until February. During this time period I certainly was not feeling my best, but was at least able to manage. In April a mentor convinced me to apply to a college program which I managed to successfully interview for and be admitted to (a really great school and I would pay a total of 3500 in only my first year). I began this month, in July, but a couple months ago my symptoms from PTSD and whatever else have intensified to extremes. There's so much information to get out but I don't know how to get it out. My body shuts down when I try. My trauma is from long term intense csa from multiple abusers (some short-term, some long-term), emotional abuse/gaslighting/psychological torture at home, and physical abuse at and away from home. Anyway.. back to school. I started a couple weeks ago and am just completely lost. The work is easy for me but I can't do it. When I try to buckle down like I used to I start to dissociate and this has just never happened before. Most of the time when I try hard to concentrate.. SOMEHOW the words on the pages or whatever I'm trying to process just ceases to make any sense at all; because of this I am 2.5 weeks behind in a shortened semester that lasts 5 weeks. I have already completely forfeited my chance to get the scholarship (GPA based) at the end of the year through this screw-up and may even be forced to withdraw from the program. I don't want to kill myself but I don't want to be alive. I feel, literally, like a scared little kid. I feel like I'm 10 again.",4.994904842383715,6.258798899772213,5.6303975310456345,79.91823793078113,69.11389521640092,9.035814534499227,31.245572782717318,9.370254747372089,2.8143394959218164,1803,75,339,37,31,584,233,439,0.127,0.743,0.129,0.4678,2,0,0,0,3,3,66.0,1,0,0,11,21,21,3,2,21,0,25,6,1,3,5,59,53,30,2,3,14,0,5,3,0,2,4,0,2,1,18,16,1,0,11,0,3,1,9,10,0,1,11,5,39,11,64,37,13,68,0,3,0,0,6,26,1,6,44,221,57,20,0.08075075149800506,0.19135287212906885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316133796287486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911046227268776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491328007990202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188528898672304,0.0,0.0,0.07586798918456712,0.12418468691108887,0.0,0.09844981722361217,0.0,0.06871294195092373,0.0,0.08474293177169379,0.07141747755976978,0.0,0.08969588096045121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693312531966383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869834125740436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745689116646794,0.0908337266812442,0.14304239546873404,0.0,0.0,0.10667021957191393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249001873798993,0.057688353004937874,0.0,0.08845850120051414,0.0,0.06868654797266258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265668043800454,0.0,0.0,0.06772989916307139,0.06458375269449088,0.08902798860174614,0.0,0.0,0.07140762286623369,0.0,0.07233681227819226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199917553266627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026532163281773,0.0,0.08933874231335331,0.0,0.13313550362613175,0.06582264013010647,0.0,0.08550338634831502,0.08773592777609257,0.0,0.0,0.11835221491174895,0.08093346698459168,0.0,0.1429237479955513,0.0,0.0,0.17629796845021906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390175366478005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890895887720086,0.0,0.059361093651584464,0.0,0.06227995768118445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774825239221472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141458528245605,0.08592449294517811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708572944283251,0.0,0.0,0.08436734839406748,0.0,0.07633556111512832,0.0,0.0,0.08215254469266331,0.174125935685687,0.0,0.0943933072407733,0.0,0.0,0.08588836402460158,0.0,0.0,0.05173099915078818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084558933199933,0.2451722147785569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090393855140618,0.17146739259637506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249971301265457,0.0,0.0,0.08832821576150017,0.0,0.0,0.08393094971695622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05174182098748415,0.0,0.0,0.09417282515765688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741222982430239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09713321147430916,0.06974272240986898,0.0,0.0,0.09525777082670467,0.0,0.19432014612436704,0.09833266094545777,0.0,0.0,0.1457299865020341,0.0,0.0,0.0778408428467898,0.0,0.11757501765471265,0.0,0.0,0.057363017011937564,0.0,0.0,0.2600041822366552 ptsd,MeesterBacon,2019/07/30,"Seeing new psychiatrist today. Tips? Hi everyone! I am seeing a new psychiatrist today. In general it is very daunting because I've had terrible experiences with really unscrupulous or just bad doctors. It's the first time I'll be walking into an office with my PTSD diagnosis already there. I got a print out from my pharmacy of the ineffective medications I was prescribed previously to bring with me. I am really confused how someone could know how to medicate me in such a short period of time. I need help badly, and I want to enable the possibility of it as much as I can. What do I say to the doctor about how I feel and my symptoms? I am plagued by self doubt, invalidation and I question every opinion and feeling I have. I am so jumbled and overwhelmed already by trying to make sense of even ten minutes of my life and brain and feelings let alone who I am or where to begin fixing it. I can't imagine that's helpful. The anxiety and doubt I have surrounding psychiatrists in general is enough to make me freeze up and not go. So I'm pretending here, just plowing forward, when I am in that seat,what do I say?",4.313274600162647,6.051008589861755,6.191000271076174,73.41154242342098,71.3963133640553,9.345513689346706,32.119544592030365,9.773937934552695,3.4094431553266475,892,42,160,23,17,309,131,217,0.12300000000000001,0.83,0.047,-0.9502,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,14,8,0,4,9,0,19,7,1,5,0,39,34,19,0,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,8,14,0,0,6,1,0,4,2,8,0,2,3,8,25,0,28,28,2,24,0,1,2,0,8,11,0,7,11,118,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590655766226634,0.28961377873322314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038457434617074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21913000367366975,0.07999179572897495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648730077868596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477019740771368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686228317083507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135587543669548,0.0,0.08667098279096605,0.0,0.11056030856824953,0.1253883736957679,0.0,0.12836042789293325,0.0,0.0,0.19904956319974976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161748126516376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457656351553356,0.0,0.10495032898261793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759108625172001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211625381451363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418352393256402,0.09268607487346643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751835885603857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643849921246791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646336806986457,0.09729955062737797,0.0,0.2534703119706776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793324108096514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339165402077262,0.0,0.14699882315069684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812852003683176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208706217748712,0.0,0.0,0.20913410491987716,0.0,0.13689330561919222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118408942155464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363900426518496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303336472675622,0.0,0.24876648175655205,0.0,0.0,0.08909121623256414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827200432967683,0.0773982152578312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wohlfiee,2019/07/30,"My boyfriend is lovely, amazing, sweet, beautiful. He’s struggling, and I just want to be there for him best I can. I feel helpless. He suffers from what I can describe only as severe PTSD. He has a lot of night-terrors, self-esteem issues, and a few addictions due to this. He struggles daily but works so damn hard to get better, despite feeling helpless against it. He told me yesterday he can’t see a future where this doesn’t plague him constantly, and it breaks my heart. As a person who also suffers with PTSD, I can understand a bit, but it’s nothing to the caliber that he’s struggling. I wish I could do more.",3.4989256198347114,5.321964057851243,4.2447024793388435,86.18159917355374,73.71074380165291,6.4928925619834725,29.45537190082645,7.1686216300943375,1.7124175206611567,485,21,92,5,10,155,84,121,0.223,0.624,0.153,-0.8504,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,5,13,1,3,6,0,10,3,1,0,0,14,19,9,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,1,5,12,5,11,16,5,6,0,4,1,1,13,1,1,1,4,61,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757426200630201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891952342566174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691798765233329,0.14257708321587198,0.17599949143911547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421066432907134,0.0,0.12871301198077406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302516966853242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422553515399787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441243314883576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103454420606855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826128411129446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705491825345822,0.145498256612454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128459940550226,0.0,0.15468527646861052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260741677913208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076229342687865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768915643996457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846344293591427,0.0,0.16817711641491656,0.18212133523347626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5055948663354067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404299738930252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678252233473606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950857939973519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538346447945844,0.0,0.0,0.11736274963109765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ruinedlyfe000,2019/07/30,"I'm hurting I have so much hate inside of me rn I cant even explain, life is just a huge disappointment.",-0.8044927536231903,1.302932608695656,2.27826086956522,92.38376811594203,92.47826086956522,4.8057971014492775,20.71014492753623,6.42735559955562,0.2386057971014499,82,3,19,1,3,29,21,23,0.38,0.5329999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.8261,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,6,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34828786338759266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5206163041415273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5645036868711791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724595469433957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876386222740048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alltheprettysongs,2019/07/30,"*Trigger warning* Already had PTSD for years, was victim of a Peeping Tom last weekend who took my picture using the toilet in a public restroom. Can’t stop thinking about it, need someone to talk to. I’ve barely been able to breathe since Friday. I already have ongoing health issues and intense anxiety and panic disorder. I suffered a trauma when I was 12 years old at the hands of an abusive teacher. The abuse happened all year but the most traumatizing moment happened when she got me alone in the school bathroom. I don’t like to think about it but it’s been like 11 years so sometimes I feel like I’ve moved on, sometimes I feel I haven’t. She recently came back up in my extended family (I found out she moved to the school where my SIL worked for a while and they know each other) which caused me to relapse and have some of the worst panic of my life. I also was recently diagnosed with a rare chronic illness that has no cure and very few treatment options, and I’m getting married in less than two months now, so my panic has been a doozy. Fast forward from all of that to last weekend and I don’t even know how to cope anymore. I was on a road trip with my family last weekend and we stopped at this rest stop off the interstate that seemed very well lit, clean and safe. Cameras all over. Lots of families there. It was evening but not so late that I would be creeped out. There was a little window that said “police station” and a little office but I found out later it was unmanned. I remember knocking on it repeatedly after the incident yelling HELP but there was nobody in there. I had to go to the bathroom a couple of times while we were there, the second time because I have pretty bad downstairs issues I’ve been dealing with and I wanted to cover all my bases for the road. There were people all around and there were two women walking ahead of and beside me to go to the stalls. I didn’t notice that I was being followed, and when I got into the stall about a min or less later I saw a man’s arm extended over the stall with his cell phone camera facing me, and heard the camera function “click.” I pulled up my pants immediately and started screaming, and chasing the guy out of the bathroom, but he bolted so fast that he got away and out the back doors. Nearly knocked over the two women who were waiting, who told me what he was wearing and what his hair looked like, but refused to stay for the police when they got there. I’m screaming for my parents, who are right around the corner at the vending machines and come running, and we call 911. Fast forward 5 minutes and I’ve been trying to give the operator information as best I can in the chaos of so many people talking over me and I’m having the worst panic I’ve had since my incident at 12. The cops show up and all I can hear in one of the trooper’s voices is this voice of accusation because I “didn’t give the operator a good enough description of the truck” I saw taking off a minute or so after. Everything was so loud and chaotic I just zoned out. And he can see I’m just shaking. The other officers were nice and offered me water. I filled out a witness statement and tried to be as coherent as I could but I was shaking uncontrollably. The state trooper went to the area outside the bathroom and saw that the perp had turned the cameras away from the restrooms I guess so they wouldn’t see him. There were other cameras they will review so maybe they’ll see him - although idk how helpful it will be since according to those two ladies he was wearing a hoodie and sunglasses in the middle of the summertime at night. Some maintenance dude told me it happened there before a few months ago. I think that if those other women were not there and I was driving alone, and hadn’t put up such a fuss the man was going to rape me. I just can’t shake the feeling that he was going to. I just can’t get that thought out of my head. It keeps replaying in my head every moment of every day and I can’t forget his stupid hairy arm on top of the stall and the image of his cell phone pointed at me as I sat on the commode. I think one of the worst parts of this is that I have to wear depends adult diapers due to incontinence issues, which I am very insecure about, so I was doubly humiliated. I’ve also made it a point to never send nudes of myself to anyone, and I really don’t like being photographed most of the time. I talk candidly with people on the internet about my illness in lots of support groups, but in my real life I’m an extremely private person. I feel so violated, thinking that some pervert out there has a picture of my genitalia, mid urination, on his phone, probably in a collection of other women that he’s done this to, gets his kicks out of it. I don’t know what to do or who to talk to. I’m seeing my psychiatrist tomorrow about it, she will probably say counseling, but it’s like six months wait to see anyone at the practice and the one she is referring me to for my existing PTSD I can’t afford (it’s like 300 a week).",4.692731076229193,5.4675258369781305,5.397033619180443,83.11174935461858,69.4572564612326,8.033803151241804,29.130233524227773,8.11326742549577,1.8890740512150968,3976,142,787,51,67,1290,398,1006,0.13699999999999998,0.7979999999999999,0.065,-0.9971,4,2,0,0,2,0,75.0,3,0,5,4,51,34,4,9,73,0,76,22,13,7,7,138,146,76,0,6,20,1,6,7,0,6,7,10,3,9,49,60,1,8,20,4,0,24,18,21,1,9,56,27,96,13,135,78,25,143,0,1,11,2,70,67,0,15,61,562,145,4,0.05468317459939767,0.1295812400828071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04847333488841071,0.0,0.0,0.11327055460477843,0.12068848590742358,0.08746022994130298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04183247889410842,0.0,0.05423101539526064,0.07647149425407547,0.0,0.0,0.09735923779944627,0.0,0.0,0.10275328519233387,0.08409597175201984,0.04565816667276811,0.06666871136983255,0.0,0.04653135397796844,0.0,0.05738661805829583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055837635211429384,0.06254298397777748,0.0,0.05617468348727882,0.0,0.04710471293819772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043660065307204655,0.06050589260362984,0.0,0.035266123790447766,0.056375951881839935,0.0,0.05550227114660615,0.0,0.0,0.062671655618981,0.0,0.0,0.055959873207888776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650233709514885,0.0,0.07223544218719948,0.0,0.09214586613194796,0.0,0.04914571133848578,0.0,0.15465129100320713,0.0,0.11059782449204776,0.03906567086002462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199145569202943,0.0,0.0,0.08570910529015717,0.10491416772120356,0.12431083319636345,0.04586565242832855,0.17494052052082332,0.0,0.060239681856853015,0.05414494012986716,0.14506845211286978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224142647047176,0.05812565749863415,0.06163191202559644,0.0,0.07330595852425296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122508144096313,0.0,0.04860491812404767,0.0,0.0,0.09015732801380012,0.13372225729379825,0.06168500277955352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724868678630682,0.18700805868797987,0.10961381346803567,0.0,0.0,0.045920094354046814,0.0,0.0,0.09297935911115793,0.0,0.05174254198979796,0.0,0.055440156180152717,0.05493659880331785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094276477196684,0.11623912116490046,0.0,0.040546881077463945,0.042175035361837386,0.0,0.0,0.051316455021696884,0.0,0.0,0.062257156719055164,0.05738079304199448,0.0,0.1111642029607017,0.0,0.0,0.25663569297692906,0.060719194075217725,0.05921654925468407,0.0,0.11373128404028247,0.04774723883182386,0.0,0.0,0.10338655032095097,0.0,0.0,0.0556324475237201,0.11791542204556628,0.0,0.1278434096304185,0.05497169406656489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224142436458716,0.03503144189108542,0.0,0.10798607577913352,0.0,0.06194537697330714,0.04669913232409577,0.05201622136500966,0.04348625526335776,0.0,0.11068458417990136,0.21787705150618936,0.04978150839888487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357034613268682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633287638446085,0.0,0.10816611584791652,0.0,0.03870503243420872,0.05828498829506215,0.0,0.13715274754670753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062053818510459526,0.0,0.0,0.04111494189370018,0.17580905752462758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519385136739407,0.0,0.043412332462045775,0.09565859657805023,0.0,0.0,0.10450423345137942,0.060755019034861114,0.07425257211027572,0.05947959129526852,0.21367006323029236,0.0,0.0,0.0472287055640641,0.0,0.13535803778950214,0.03225355317092492,0.0,0.04386354422539232,0.0,0.049166741150119785,0.05069185070092465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0398100023818277,0.0,0.0,0.03884535829848586,0.0,0.0,0.14085668633483248 ptsd,Nulltemp,2019/07/30,"Managed to pull myself out of a flashback Never been about to do this before. So I consider it a milestone. Was smoking pot with some close friends and I got triggered by someone recollecting their own tumultuous childhood. I could feel my muscles reacting and shifting. I started to notice how my muscles and how they tighten/relax sort of informs me mind about how I feel. It creates a sort of feedback loop where your emotions communicate with your muscles on how to either tighten or relax and how they are configured informs your mind on how you feel - thus an initial fear will make you tighten up and then your noticing how tightened up you are makes you more afraid. I then started to get a very vivid image of my childhood dog. I could have told you how sunny and windy it was ok that day. I remember telling my friends ""I feel like I'm being sucked into a vortex of memory."" I then realized the precarious situation I was in - it's happening. My eyes began to well up and I then told my friend talk to me about anything just stay talking to me. He began discussing DotA 2 strategies and I engaged him on the subject while trying tapping exercises my therapist taught me. I could literally feel myself fighting my own instincts and was struggling so hard. It almost felt like the physical strain of a hard workout but with my own psychology somehow. Not easy to describe! But at some point I realized I just dodged a bullet. I had successfully reversed a flashback! I then got really excited over my accomplishment that I got sort of manic so I had to begin doing relaxation techniques following this to regulate myself. After about an hour I was back to my normal self! I really couldn't have done this without the help of my therapist, Tom. Just thought I would share this with you guys so you know it's possible. I've lived with this for decades so I know just how hard this can be. Trust yourself and get help if possible. Good luck and I hope you all find peace!",3.824523171198777,6.297989774798932,4.605427805438531,81.02550670241287,74.84450402144772,7.37277671390272,30.496284948295674,8.329178653251315,2.5560431865185755,1578,74,277,29,35,507,194,373,0.06,0.79,0.15,0.9887,0,0,0,0,2,0,30.0,0,12,3,2,26,23,2,4,14,1,24,2,1,14,2,79,53,35,0,8,11,0,9,2,3,2,1,0,0,2,14,19,0,0,16,4,0,2,4,6,1,0,19,11,60,17,44,26,8,35,1,0,2,0,34,14,1,11,20,209,74,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262719306008844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433910957966345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880714960939872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720996495011249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454856203172435,0.0,0.0,0.06609645232218013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488107832373443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152855036510762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532779162818647,0.2591057312150475,0.07321763703821033,0.0984048067654434,0.0,0.09367241753493204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375465380606337,0.0,0.10709177689519782,0.0,0.0,0.08596229421096273,0.24590768415312625,0.0,0.0,0.10147949559317372,0.0906300343213783,0.0,0.2754280642454376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373914474219136,0.0,0.0,0.10179397228852843,0.10093029639692573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264974035646412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014117885384327,0.0,0.09049901572155013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682342552622642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696786318424232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904526821671866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041673944140124,0.0,0.2333671381208112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688453761814247,0.23108023942457095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313132139210898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609922542166876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691761231943367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520110401933885,0.0,0.0,0.0868379743997972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508344302976942,0.10923885405820748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714298723055504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475237054024458,0.08957926101707603,0.0,0.0,0.2379935500379731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813642344087005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19586385860915115,0.0,0.06958280447049618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456355211533055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214925863630344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879503021722233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280472296786195,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rachelnicc,2019/07/30,"ptsd from aggressive ex? so i (23F) was dating this guy (25M) for around two years now. he was a family friend and i had always felt safe with him. but he became very very driven by sex and just wanted to do it constantly. we couldn’t even lay down and watch a movie without him asking if he could just put his dick in me and leave it there, while his friends were a few feet away. it made me not want to do it as much because it was so constant and frustrating to me. but i always succumbed to it anyway. so one night we were drinking at his house where he lives with a few roommates. eventually we ended up laying in his bed where he expected to have sex. this time i really didn’t want to so i told him no. he didn’t like that answer. he started punching his bed with his fists and put his arms around my neck to choke me. he was in my face and crying and and aggressive. i was panicked and his door was shut so i started heading to it cause i was scared of him and just wanted to leave. he blocked it and kept pushing me back and did not allow me to leave his room. this went on for a very long time until i finally ran for it and got out. his persistence didn’t stop and he was still in my face crying and pushing. i was desperately hoping one of his roommates would notice and stop him. once i got to my car he blocked it and said i can’t drive because i drank, but i felt so unsafe & uncomfortable i didn’t care. i just wanted to get to the end of the street in it to a safer place and then call a friend for help. i told him i’m breaking up with him and he’s scaring me. he said he doesn’t care, almost laughing to be spiteful, i’m not driving. he continues blocking my car and eventually i had to go back inside. he continued being hyper aggressive with me and at this point i am a crying, panicked mess because i feel so helpless. finally his roommates get in the middle of us and have to pin him to the ground. another roomate drove me home and i left that night to my boyfriend screaming and crying while being pinned to the floor. the next day he didn’t remember anything. i decided to stay with him which was my first mistake. a few weeks later, we were on a planned trip in michigan for a concert. he did it again outside in public. i don’t know if i blocked exactly what he did out of my head so i can’t remember, but next thing i knew, two guys screamed “you don’t hit a girl like that” and came running from across the street. this ended up in another HUGE, horrible scenario which would be too long to get into. occurrences like this happened a total of 3 times with him until i finally ended our relationship for good. after the first time, i was so afraid of rejecting sex with him that i would make sure to drink anytime it would possibly come up, to make succumbing to it more bearable. i don’t know if this is important, but his mother is a depressed alcoholic and his brother had sexually harassed me before as well. ever since this relationship, i avoided every social situation that even had the slightest chance in ending up in sex if i was sober. i couldn’t have sex if i wasn’t wasted first and i wonder if this could be ptsd from my ex. although it’s been around two years since this happened, i still think about it often. any insight would be helpful. thank you 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ptsd,missdoe12,2019/07/30,"Do you think I have ptsd? (NSFW) I'm 25. And last year I was going to a therapist for my bipolarism. She mentioned that I might have ptsd but I was never diagnosed. I stopped going to her awhile after, but not before we dived into some stuff.. I'm scared to drive, I always have been which brought up a whole bunch of crap that I noticed. After I had a few things happened in my life I kind of gave up on it because getting into a car makes me feel like I can't breathe, like I'm holding my breath. My bestfriend died in a car accident, I wasn't there, but it was sudden.. I always worried about my loved ones dying.. But she was invincible in my mind, I never worried about it, because she was death proof to me before it happened. And a few years before that my ex's step father (who I never met beforehand) killed himself in his car with a shotgun, and I helped clean up a bit (his main body was already gone, but there was still bits and pieces everywhere I picked up and hid/put in the trash (so his mother who was inside the house freaking out at the time wouldn't see) At the time I was just in shock and wanted to help, I always thought police cleaned up everything, not just the body. Before any of this happened I did avian taxidermy, it was my dream to work in a museum, or start my own Wildlife education museum, doing alot of the work myself. I was very motivated. So I was used to gore, atleast somewhat. ""Everybody has a body"" type thinking I guess. Now that I'm older I realized I had stopped feeling motivated for the work I loved shortly after that happened. Do I just keep working through It, for me to get past it? Its like I have no motivation for anything I used to love. I stopped working on ""fresh"" animals and started doing taxidermy restoration on old mounts that need tlc and work (no gore that way).. And I just told myself it's what I like to do. I'm so scared to drive. And I ignored what happened back then with the suicide, but I think it effected many things with my life, things I was ok with beforehand. And I honestly feel like a baby because so many people go through things far worse than what I've gone through, so I never thought that ptsd was possible, since I didn't even notice the big changes. I thought ptsd couldn't be a factor since I thought you'd have to have flashbacks/etc.. And other symptoms. So I figured I'd ask here, if so, I'll go back to therapy. If so, do I just keep trying to drive, and keep trying to work? Will it help? I don't want to give up the things I loved. But I feel like I let this thinking go on so long it ruined them, and ruined my chances of getting back on track with my life. Thanks for letting me vent. I've been thinking about this for awhile.",3.2468372294372294,4.571884740000002,4.063324675324676,89.25460606060608,73.41818181818181,6.838095238095237,26.913419913419915,7.2636822038024595,1.2112329004328999,2117,76,449,22,42,678,234,550,0.11,0.726,0.165,0.9854,0,0,0,1,0,1,77.0,1,2,1,11,26,23,2,2,23,1,44,16,6,8,5,87,101,34,5,7,17,3,4,6,0,3,6,0,2,0,36,23,0,8,19,3,0,15,14,9,0,1,31,5,75,14,65,62,12,70,0,2,1,4,30,26,1,8,34,308,111,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484035009015263,0.0,0.14667281316802538,0.0,0.0,0.039957107326899916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048352406895834664,0.0,0.05493032043631975,0.0,0.0,0.1355426462244767,0.0,0.10745405958432153,0.0,0.1999931814151432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282959196283415,0.19579897269491156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215763228304084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05963761439024162,0.12196199371811238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553013195563534,0.03880876725827657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052807442311628025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118838207395765,0.125929085414843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209508846089028,0.05636553738587745,0.1669661750217337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472799839272002,0.0,0.2597952668892897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181517187493625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779825325022475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156679067612991,0.06500645581307048,0.06118688283531335,0.0,0.04789519570478491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201670266680546,0.12450645621001827,0.17223564670418848,0.0,0.0,0.05199852867932371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212371108325312,0.0,0.039221080094976914,0.119141742768445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062332410345736514,0.059328313903962475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356793350018871,0.1812695908720747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337915810917545,0.06165610051894205,0.0,0.039815595129174985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560906716961338,0.04073504454010169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624024025111326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747374407700723,0.059067505264072374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765299341597575,0.0,0.046822111289416934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720960398966427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317770612218564,0.0,0.04692380652951899,0.1473716751004136,0.0,0.0,0.06726326717560965,0.06427115612180588,0.0,0.0,0.061071528799760674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054096001454415815,0.06719430931425782,0.06822197333700011,0.1951793237950858,0.18824713179379213,0.0,0.1865875316210924,0.06852392857659709,0.0,0.0,0.05614529863344389,0.0,0.07978495602998421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014952099217707,0.0,0.048481081918174775,0.06931337860542289,0.04663895974670738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560063799733375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994330619832756,0.1193421642529926,0.0598789009739468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756757928133687 ptsd,remineur,2019/07/30,"Could that be PTSD ? Hello, ten years ago, I was thrown off a moving bus by two guys, shocked for about a week and then returned to a normal life again. Two months later, when I woke up, I had obsessive thoughts, the face of one of the attackers appeared to me all the time. I tried to reject and block these thoughts, which I did for a while and then everything came back to me, then I thought that if I kept seeing this guy's face it was because I was gay, which caused me to ""HOCD"". The psychiatrist tells me that it's just anxiety, I tried \~15-20 antidepressants, none of them could suppress these thoughts. Recently I read an article on ""ptsd"" and I don't know if it's really anxiety or post-traumatic stress. I can't work, I only go out very rarely and when I go out, I'm afraid of being attacked, I feel like everyone is watching me, my social life is non-existent. &#x200B; My family doesn't understand, even I don't understand, it's as if my life had changed that day, yet many people would have managed to forget without any problem and many lived thousands of times worse, but my brain refuses to treat this event, do you think it's possible that it's ""ptsd' although I must see another psychiatrist soon who is trained in ""EMDR""? thank you very much !",5.141008064516129,5.786034149193551,5.442903225806449,83.6468548387097,68.39516129032258,9.425806451612903,30.41935483870968,9.516144504307137,2.5222854838709683,991,37,204,20,16,315,152,248,0.08800000000000001,0.868,0.045,-0.589,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,2,1,1,9,11,2,3,9,0,21,7,3,1,2,39,40,19,0,9,7,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,2,18,9,0,4,9,1,0,5,6,8,0,5,13,4,29,3,24,21,3,32,0,1,3,1,10,6,0,5,22,133,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895255477349255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872714738158404,0.12193395089193974,0.06824016349115616,0.10522375457889316,0.153532076087004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283209491516862,0.0,0.07716151107327794,0.0,0.06117128327827365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202169036138857,0.0,0.11477151759391405,0.0,0.10308516262165532,0.10615500653027282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023961873446074,0.0,0.0,0.06471623657295733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627898763863024,0.0,0.0,0.0958869301188539,0.09018642083906024,0.0,0.09459927790143396,0.0,0.05073902519604707,0.07168871782680653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406029958835955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872083336939955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514870307452749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263653692358803,0.049025023232793015,0.0,0.08860922947131095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20347448924728626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009691295489091,0.10665417199008867,0.07376741527557251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983198528401802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679984839463949,0.0763192680225674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956875222458042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131274290565652,0.09610576131482293,0.0,0.0,0.0960195996665873,0.3519047510479435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100375276814165,0.0,0.06428557599316775,0.0,0.09908166358504936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992892094267708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022922724137056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494843377929642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770868094029904,0.09238706779411812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429902417736533,0.0,0.31866079691566324,0.1170275928852152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625957452519236,0.0,0.1960510664956578,0.2089318662453777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559541857010904,0.0,0.0,0.0804932099111997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967320078936324,0.0,0.07305462736480811,0.0,0.1022633084698302,0.0712844261633037,0.0,0.12193395089193974,0.06462090000232007 ptsd,HereComesNancyDrew,2019/07/30,"PTSD worsening after relocation? After many years, I finally managed to get out of the house where my abuse took place. But my PTSD symptoms have gotten worse since the relocation. I'm having nightmares and intrusive thoughts more often, as well as the overwhelming fear of going back. Has anyone else had a similar experience?",6.542499999999998,9.486766821428574,6.688714285714287,67.05628571428575,68.28571428571428,10.194285714285718,32.628571428571426,10.355215969177356,4.3222828571428575,266,12,38,8,5,85,47,56,0.21600000000000005,0.747,0.037000000000000005,-0.9099,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,10,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,4,0,3,1,8,6,1,10,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,26,3,1,0.0,0.24674301095632936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561372257683575,0.2133774389888597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601319239276591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396672703131286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037091322791788,0.0,0.23433992026463515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281284486409673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108802388844517,0.0,0.11835366468849845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24029333278427525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111335106075286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21757764424996556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4868678182578711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226712047510293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216452201789973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16532778382854207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313741760426281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724237771668986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21222524163543344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341066148054219 ptsd,themagicclap,2019/07/30,"Life alone? Anyone else feel like they're fighting against the inevitable? Some days I feel like it's just expected that I work to regain what is long dead. I wrote a poem about it if you can relate, it's good to know you're not alone &#x200B; Deeply rooted Roots they slither softly across my skin deep into the rubble of long crumbled foundations Holding such a gentle promise Waiting calmly carrying it close I remain quiet Give it time One day soon, Just hold on tight, We've got this. Eagerly they search for fertile soil Deep into long untouched layers beneath I watch it reaching for a moment, It's coming, So many people said, One beautiful day, Here, where all seems lost, Color will flourish bright, It will be magnificent, And you'll come back, As you were before. Long before it sprouted, From a tiny seed I planted in concrete, I heard someone say to be wary, These roots are not safe, If you must stay, watch it closely I'd look away often, Scared at what I might see Now as I look down, Something isn't right It hasn't been for a long time, But I can't let go I told you to never look away again, You're made too many mistakes There's no going back, It's gone, you knew, You've hurt so many people Everything you do is fails And that's who you are now A worthless waste This is what you wanted This is what you deserve You'd be better off dead They overwhelm now, I can't move, Once tiny roots sang with a fragile optimism Now an endless sea intertwined and impenetrable Blind hope Silly child Even the glow of the moon has long since left you I should have left when there was time I recognize that upon approaching winds, Terror glides, It's here to see me, This time it will stay, I will die in its arms Approaching it calls out my name The words travel fast and far It echos throughout an empty expanse I cannot comprehend Every inch of me is filled with dread What are you waiting for Nothing and no one is here to see, Whatever might have been once has long gone. You fool, you coward, you waited for nothing, You believed in something that would never happen Who will you be once this is over? Your loss is inevitable It always was Reality plays cruel tricks Whether you look at it or not Dust lifts alongside the wind, It fills my lungs with what I tried to burn It spreads across my body, I begin to scream, Falling back The stars shine dimly above, Laughing at my pain ""It's ok, I'm safe here"" I tell them calmly You are as good as dead ""I cannot move"" I whisper I know this is forever For one short moment my heart sinks I was so sure that magnificent things grew from ashes Search for a hidden place Deep inside A well kept secret A voice too distant to make out, It screams at me to run Staring eagerly at the approaching wind, I smile and breath a sigh of relief, Waiting for the moment to arrive The wind will bring storms on its wings, What a beautiful night it will be",1.74365867000078,4.330835945898779,2.3460712146075906,93.47489646010786,83.95636998254798,4.886864108775495,19.89604334349196,6.3273851515222574,0.0931367716391862,2299,65,463,21,67,709,290,573,0.14300000000000002,0.7340000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.9093,0,2,3,0,2,0,58.0,0,21,4,5,29,41,3,4,24,1,51,9,6,6,5,68,90,19,4,9,10,0,6,2,0,13,3,9,0,1,47,17,0,10,7,3,0,18,13,17,2,4,17,30,58,23,57,53,2,88,0,6,15,0,39,36,0,9,34,287,105,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148473086984174,0.0,0.0,0.06085141647031388,0.07923814505610274,0.08886299623157158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113537126534287,0.07493204877435865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741924198803335,0.16870124401538586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445934707314532,0.08239436041588354,0.0,0.0646790282465883,0.0,0.08123281046139412,0.0,0.0,0.07467562220318598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599293412205134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141491651290806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589913815304689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06109213484236474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04830278511998344,0.0,0.061616594800259515,0.0,0.06572603869994101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395514984642386,0.10449057404422736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015457157922975,0.0831248384748462,0.12267876746110587,0.05849008544584496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467010337240679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666139327644024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263625971102834,0.0,0.0,0.07828897631162286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038251787364578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891556926303788,0.07478209793453929,0.051655068559974766,0.07145688994608597,0.0,0.0,0.4530346502495286,0.2456487710866057,0.0,0.0798318679882301,0.0,0.0,0.06919896415440847,0.048815964480224516,0.22243213607373305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516231179946266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545480506960493,0.0,0.0,0.1128073205522113,0.0,0.0,0.0686291278901194,0.0,0.14034363924946408,0.0,0.0,0.2336485582941349,0.19822367694904255,0.0,0.07781726401109353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140059797204004,0.0,0.07640704063375542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245405539554358,0.06956497495609675,0.058157247469053076,0.07321756990983425,0.0,0.174829442436953,0.06657633511561982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060495281670020724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196423540094158,0.1126006807784631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558972814503531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892574320934035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639203119956406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0485854388231159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057468358037445,0.0,0.0,0.06988045452049675,0.0,0.04965161043735245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043134959820242416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575416335569764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532407342559663,0.0,0.0,0.05195064743808064,0.0,0.08886299623157158,0.0 ptsd,haperochild,2019/07/30,"[NSFW][TW] about some questions i had recently i was diagnosed a few months ago by accident (because i was originally seeing the psychiatrist for a dyslexia assessment) so i didn't have a chance to ask anyone about this. i wanted to be mindful of others when posting so i'll say right now *there is a* ***content warning/trigger warning*** *for mentions of sexual assault and rape.* recently i've started watching Harlots on hulu, and in it there are several scenes where a character is either sexually assaulted or raped. i have no memory of either of these things happening to me, but for some reason when i saw them it immediately set off a panic attack and had me crying inconsolably. this has only happened a handful of other times before when a friend showed me a graphic novelization of a story shared by several comfort women from WWII, and when i wasn't fast enough to fast forward through the opening scene of an L&O: SVU episode. i've never had this reaction when someone on either of these shows mentions an act of assault or describes it, it was only the graphic depiction of it. the only other thing i can really latch onto is that, when i read about someone being assaulted on the news or through social media topics, i get a very weird feeling down there. it's not pain, just a reflex, but it absolutely isn't enjoyable. it starts off this very heavy feeling in my stomach that sticks with me for hours, and i feel very detached from everything afterward. is it possible that something has happened to me and i've just blocked it out so heavily that i can't even go back to a moment in time that would hint to me why i'd be reacting this way? i was predated on in the past, through chatrooms in an online game i used to play, but i never met anyone i talked to and therefore had no physical contact with them. i'm afraid to ask my family, because someone will immediately say i've made it up and that nothing bad has ever happened to me. i just want some kind of answer, and if anyone could help me i'd really appreciate it. thank you.",5.474284769463341,6.685675145408165,6.568140589569165,73.8313567649282,67.95408163265307,9.48087679516251,33.90627362055933,9.725611199111238,3.491730990173848,1635,76,282,36,27,548,204,392,0.11699999999999999,0.789,0.094,-0.8181,1,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,0,1,2,0,23,19,7,2,22,0,29,6,2,6,3,51,51,25,0,5,14,0,4,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,30,13,0,1,6,6,0,3,9,12,0,0,13,9,31,7,53,32,8,50,0,0,3,2,19,19,0,8,27,214,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886661616270905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108622104192839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21029385360766173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18744262791032956,0.11405018215516542,0.0,0.07708696399495649,0.08370554206230127,0.12222436927445315,0.0,0.08530636447874985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004240422545797,0.0,0.11012120624173154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175283044788597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358626066247983,0.0,0.06621495435553562,0.09068292557653426,0.0,0.0,0.09009929016880372,0.0,0.0945078838931936,0.0,0.1520700160231081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745380767002019,0.0,0.052377100241495535,0.0,0.056975051974240076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3546071252276605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719624813942572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872721146384653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439616974006656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486008397968904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122510645591216,0.0,0.08001952993374084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463977000044066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619370439933968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22873660394973236,0.10667431643471638,0.11762315133636635,0.0,0.0,0.09570108840132656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301813467913685,0.09601291186674674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230425745507287,0.0,0.10027830251288287,0.0,0.1284469371594913,0.10307490277838913,0.1979718781320289,0.0,0.0,0.08561395408280817,0.0,0.15944751330762436,0.0,0.0,0.07988720541483726,0.0,0.0,0.2265105805311353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219344606962244,0.2548274809759304,0.07717825089824477,0.0,0.0,0.14191659265095813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057809550825894,0.0,0.09229781104055093,0.0,0.0,0.13320484961788848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691453049165605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658482563424251,0.0,0.2481531509327424,0.11826147865099312,0.07957471491597783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046109066982463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121555703896464,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wordsongs,2019/07/30,"Any advice for coping with PTSD in college? (TW: Abuse/Sexual Assault) I grew up in a very neglectful, borderline abusive household and, as a teenager ended up in a situation where I was being regularly assaulted by an acquaintance/family friend. I feared for my life (my abuser was becoming increasingly violent) and for my future (my family was refusing me access to college resources). This whole situation culminated in me leaving home at 17 and moving across the country. The year following my leaving was really hard. I didn't think that I would be able to go to college at all (where I'd gotten in, I couldn't afford it) and was struggling to support myself/with my mental health. This year, I got a full scholarship to a wonderful school and I'm so incredibly excited! It's everything I've ever wanted, but at the same time, I think that the stress of the upcoming change (I move in three weeks) is already making my PTSD symptoms worse. I know that I'm going to be away from my significant other and my dog, who really help me to cope. Plus, I'm going to be forced to be around people a lot more. My paranoia and nightmares have been increasing, and the other night I even had a flashback, which I haven't had in a long time. TLDR: I'm worried about dealing with PTSD and the college transition at the same time, and would really appreciate any advice or insight.",5.991469452645923,6.979790513513514,7.163347717465364,70.84067454008631,66.64478764478764,10.572882125823302,32.60981149216443,10.59048541779884,3.74407862820804,1089,45,186,29,17,369,147,259,0.128,0.8,0.071,-0.9148,1,0,0,0,2,0,38.0,0,0,0,0,7,10,3,3,17,0,20,3,0,1,2,33,37,15,0,4,2,0,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,0,11,14,0,2,5,0,1,9,3,7,0,1,11,1,25,3,36,18,9,39,0,1,0,0,5,19,0,3,11,134,36,6,0.1058227808455687,0.2507653820656374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068175933908991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11677807011322885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439262395855317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420471068495627,0.0,0.0,0.0994239860773403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687294737028807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194647053461264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909864038906744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372757396373564,0.0,0.0,0.06989494871008235,0.0957227637433566,0.0,0.0,0.09510669193169788,0.0,0.1995205995897798,0.11908004893559652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175841797652861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18042457512443486,0.0,0.08463614493720667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479642592516672,0.0,0.0,0.11248466754251503,0.0,0.0,0.07093077935230024,0.0,0.10614887745025926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05815743284791852,0.0,0.0,0.2241020906242653,0.0,0.0,0.07474575966265654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364983099961716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996674401644812,0.0,0.0,0.07063752794177731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664447330864854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494573760262732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930751119179404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336419190759336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37110350356339017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337834947052105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709830382435057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237898478942258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121963792074394,0.11062894712883972,0.0,0.0,0.1200864376468623,0.0,0.1099903881176552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356139300584578,0.0,0.0,0.1851183435459356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731487685575633,0.06241701791642654,0.0,0.08488465166257429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118147355664704,0.0,0.0,0.11476029172941295,0.0,0.10746817070869734,0.10784245437472756,0.15034693461756488,0.0,0.0,0.1362928026567808 ptsd,unnownturtle,2019/07/30,"Flashback when I was drunk So, I recently got drunk for the first time. And I may or may not have also smoked weed at the same time. So 2 depressants=No bueno. I didn't exactly get a flashback. It was more of split second flashes every once and a while of the sound and even feeling of situations where I was being abused. Anyone else get this?",1.1794285714285735,3.5812157285714328,2.6567857142857183,91.5994642857143,84.57142857142857,5.785714285714287,20.17857142857143,7.1686216300943375,0.5132857142857143,271,8,57,4,8,88,51,70,0.125,0.851,0.023,-0.765,0,0,1,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,0,8,2,0,0,1,10,12,9,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,5,2,5,0,5,4,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,6,41,7,0,0.0,0.3302778571155981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22291943887395824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949112482371969,0.28561637078558594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328631623267558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411435974945087,0.0,0.23486223151339095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094637638726806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371079736057173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29127487499927784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22294500424360034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968638668891844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752359036220315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133311272428463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32508734826424224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Mischamarch,2019/07/30,"Inpatient Facility Recommendations/Experiences? I'm looking into it but am a little afraid of what I might end up experiencing. Tl;DR am looking for opinions on inpatient treatment and if anyone had positive/negative experiences that would recommend/warn me away from certain places. Private places and out-of-state places are fine to recommend. 1. I have C-PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, ADHD, and disordered eating. 1. Not suicidal though I've ideated over the years. 2. My trauma starts and childhood abuse and there is more I don't care or need to share, I don't think, here. I've been dissociated most of my life. 2. I have a therapist I've been working with for 3 years. 1. I've worked with other therapists/psychologists/psychiatrists off and on over the years and this is the longest and most successful relationship I've had with one. 3. I am on medication. 1. I've been on meds off and on my whole life and the is the first combination that has successfully allowed me to get beyond what was my daily ""normal"" for ages. 4. I need a break. I would like more day-to-day help. A chance to rest and get away from the stressors of daily life while learning new skills and tools, and in a safe setting. I know this is privileged and if I can for once take advantage of any privilege I've got, then now is the damn time. 1. I want to learn to care for myself better. 2. I want to process the trauma and be able to stop thinking about it daily. 3. I want to be able to practise tools I've learned in my current therapy that are difficult to do on a day to day basis when every day I'm triggered in some way because I work where my attacker works in a place where my last two bosses failed to support me and it's now too late to report the incident to the police. 4. I also want a place that practises different types of therapy--art, music, etc.--as well as group and private sessions. 5. If it's a place that takes insurance, all the better. If not, I dunno, my husband and I will try and make it work. I am going to talk with my therapist and primary care physician this week about this option and see what they have to say. A friend whose brother is a prominent psychiatrist recommended 3 places--one is Louisiana which I don't want to go to because it sounds far too restrictive and immediately conjures images of Nurse Ratchett; one where Dr. Phil is in Baltimore which he says there's been some success but he can't vouch for their ethics; and a third place that's an absolute no because it does allow cell phone use and I don't want anyone recording me/my image.",3.1368026086956533,5.361121002000004,4.555530434782611,81.76159130434786,75.98,8.027826086956521,26.869565217391305,8.841846274778883,2.2341113043478265,2031,80,392,46,46,674,247,500,0.10800000000000001,0.727,0.165,0.9745,3,0,0,0,1,0,74.0,0,0,2,14,17,27,2,1,24,0,38,7,0,6,2,74,68,37,1,15,9,2,0,1,1,4,6,3,0,0,24,29,1,3,6,0,0,2,8,8,1,5,8,7,35,19,60,54,9,60,0,2,3,0,17,32,1,13,24,245,59,16,0.1443518876380782,0.08551669112788783,0.0,0.0,0.08674145855892074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577190761956353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049082116815520695,0.0,0.055214399467319236,0.0,0.0,0.10093419618510807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211055575171627,0.13562335020954108,0.0,0.0,0.13199335631758755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766751398415838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22076455499402234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23273756398212786,0.0,0.062165034650891876,0.0,0.0,0.07540849942432977,0.0827198846471427,0.0,0.06316165482114344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385400927100484,0.0,0.0,0.06392646326856277,0.0,0.0804952562073397,0.0,0.0,0.0608113455904719,0.0,0.0,0.1412038450655999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139282094137667,0.0,0.0,0.05576295515441984,0.0,0.07541790338644838,0.0,0.08203850433527589,0.0,0.05772569567003285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04837801373830235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039666011158944886,0.058833027407413814,0.08141760839070535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529400108468952,0.0352615204022395,0.07233925700746276,0.0,0.0,0.12121922966407896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04817800295459742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017120268113767,0.07270967010327782,0.0,0.07656727052217709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070350956075082,0.0,0.06970797629720131,0.0,0.0,0.07071710053877492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686502459929469,0.09781657491977727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5278594959703085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436981593256954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748995256871273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479441491032508,0.0,0.0,0.05751488257282645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05108650452265998,0.0,0.0,0.06034232085754492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894876790831476,0.08190440572221477,0.0,0.0,0.10853465468976076,0.058012289665583465,0.0,0.0,0.08253948195294726,0.1676036674685765,0.0,0.09249486092472327,0.07091249834492325,0.0,0.04208637326444668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049002728099745714,0.0,0.07050540953638225,0.0,0.0,0.06233684171429538,0.0,0.0,0.2554274500721517,0.057289904689901465,0.057895188545815074,0.0,0.06489484147570636,0.0,0.0,0.08058186372240653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627247335580128,0.0,0.0,0.10254343932010278,0.0,0.0,0.13943682431456986 ptsd,k1yuu,2019/07/30,"the relief and validation when your psychotherapist looks you in the eye and says “honey. you have ptsd.” after a lifetime of denial i can finally start healing.. it was really difficult to hear but i am coming to accept it. i posted here the other day with my symptoms and today i talked over it with her. while i had most symptoms of ptsd i had not been able to believe it because i did not experience flashbacks. however she said not all people with ptsd experience flashbacks because we might have buried the memories very deep, but it comes out through our bodies, which is definitely what i experience, based on her observations. i thought this was interesting to share if anyone else doubts themselves. talk to a professional if you can. i’m shaking. i could cry. it was not my fault. i was not “too sensitive”. i was not wrong. i was not bad. i legitimately experienced trauma, and someone TOLD ME SO today.",3.534523809523812,6.3684881666666655,4.907142857142858,76.50452380952382,78.04761904761905,7.7809523809523835,27.190476190476193,8.680891452615391,2.5266047619047627,724,30,125,17,18,240,107,168,0.08199999999999999,0.7759999999999999,0.142,0.8944,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,4,0,0,4,11,0,2,6,0,18,5,2,0,1,29,27,11,0,3,11,0,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,10,11,0,0,2,0,0,3,7,7,0,0,13,7,26,4,16,12,2,17,0,0,2,0,17,5,0,5,8,98,36,1,0.13263342784321794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274037662878022,0.13589862071872758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074337214710486,0.16170421310851268,0.0,0.0,0.14943245405231662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732583826784298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285039078412525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589699965256033,0.0,0.14569159249980596,0.08553758846915717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079820981327422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3892228283702652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452934371315102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948751268322566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137867480591213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070310705485312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195131876048447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702616060800878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651241383844374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496837014938666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616476262826287,0.10547542533691613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237987299981693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387862288793633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757138319232034,0.0,0.21321145047085188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052961264098584,0.0,0.0,0.2514419623514302,0.12673692418487542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943646846691578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501383220223768,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dooalicious,2019/07/30,"Tired I am so tired of feeling like this. Everyday the same knots in my stomach, feeling dread and constantly worrying and panicking. Nothing seems to be working, I feel so alone.",4.951145833333332,7.700972656250002,5.16375,77.03958333333338,72.4375,9.266666666666666,38.79166666666666,9.725611199111238,4.624716666666668,143,9,23,4,3,45,27,32,0.386,0.47700000000000004,0.13699999999999998,-0.8997,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,7,6,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,3,5,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,15,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277942875117088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900047952281153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40707680952395625,0.19171840228201775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110848416534682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25750129648979186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443073686772224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6168870069343689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537127824668613,0.2725353993490337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cyrilio,2019/07/30,"Enrollment has begun for the final phase of MAPS’ FDA clinics trials. Applicants can get this therapy now for free, and don’t have to wait until 2021. You can enroll on [this website by MAPS](https://mdmaptsd.org/)",7.335000000000001,10.152869166666667,6.1344444444444415,72.45500000000001,65.66666666666666,9.244444444444444,28.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,3.1722333333333332,174,6,25,4,3,52,33,36,0.0,0.912,0.08800000000000001,0.5106,0,0,0,1,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6569172059819328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133066555692371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6857832923459934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,0hmmygauss,2019/07/30,"[NSFW] - it’s hard to title this without prompting triggering material. Father passing following military trauma. Event 1- Military Rescue mission gone awry. It’s hard to describe without being specific but I’ll try: Group of 400+ souls stranded in a vessel that’s beginning to sink. Around than 150+/- make it out alive. Roughly 80% of the souls onboard are children en-route to a field trip. We arrived but are denied access to help as the vessel is owned by another nation. We’re one of the first responders to arrive and have every resource to help. We spend the next few weeks in the area while the host nation recovers their lost. There’s an innate sense of helplessness and resent from this event. Due to our lack of action and all the resources available to us. Event 2- Father passing Cause of death: Sepsis (Toxicity in the blood that can lead to organ failure.) I’m the only one in the room once he’s been moved to hospice. My one job is to press the button that delivers more Fentanyl. Every 8 minutes I do so as he’s in so much pain he’s unable to move or say much of anything other than “it hurts, it hurts, I just want to sleep.” ——————- It’s been nearly 5 years since event one, nearly 3 since event two. I still get invasive thoughts / memories. Without any prompt they’ll just appear and all of a sudden my body (physiologically) is stuck in the past, heart rate increases, sleep becomes impossible, I see everything in little snippets like some sort of horrid home film. This doesn’t happen more than once a month or so but it’s still very disruptive to my day to day. I’m not sure that I wrote this with any hope of a remedy I just know that I wanted someone else in the world to know what’d happened. Thank you all for your time and I genuinely hope you get the help you need. I’ll do my best to fine my own too.",2.9789630946334853,5.171946706703913,4.06660741493144,85.22937447096669,76.3463687150838,6.797494498053157,23.97697646859658,7.793537801064563,1.2914644320297954,1443,47,278,22,33,468,210,358,0.135,0.763,0.102,-0.9162,1,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,4,4,2,4,11,14,1,0,20,0,14,6,5,4,4,43,38,16,1,6,12,2,4,1,0,1,1,1,2,1,17,10,0,0,3,1,1,11,5,7,0,6,7,6,23,7,52,29,14,49,2,4,1,0,23,18,0,7,21,166,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947193484879106,0.10753022774538433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438803751714559,0.09128921389829897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325590210760725,0.0,0.0,0.1076175074750544,0.0,0.0,0.11390740133641725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534475849334568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226959416842873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566546303719172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728017571479234,0.0,0.09216328015642296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722703988809559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715390441576206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813652236693008,0.0,0.18372523284992706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215195442364257,0.20620672919170355,0.0,0.10286372632710074,0.20370605275099926,0.0,0.0,0.2195589145394254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176279064357788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271509223747178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500996370500396,0.10277975762818332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194295229626286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845140068514373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185261328309695,0.21798399895512,0.15076874982299446,0.07603783643447029,0.0,0.0,0.10906066565230277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21841995412214008,0.27795596134576245,0.07799216350595675,0.10911800628671052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789340409986902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155006444381334,0.0,0.0,0.08171725748079901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696570705607074,0.0,0.20524356133900493,0.0,0.0868883520123151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378948640099442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665001431765584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441216463323696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141143652162619,0.05979640132497959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962317178198349,0.0,0.10017422355993506,0.0,0.12335228311518175,0.0,0.0,0.08461261025943223,0.12097060662968626,0.0,0.08225759694992417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965570335528704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603737076451957 ptsd,JonathanSum777,2019/09/27,"Hi, as a student taking speech class. What kind of accommodation do you use? First thing first, I understand when people see the word ""accommodation"", they will think this person must be using an excuse or taking the hard work from others. But you understand that we really have the disability. I know some of you may tell me to talk to my teacher speiclist. I will but I feel she is not helping me because she does not understand my disability. In my speech class, I can not have eyes contact with the student. I feel uncomfortable. Thus, do you guys use the accommodation for your disability like PTSD?",4.579909090909093,7.1135217181818176,5.434545454545457,75.69181818181819,72.72727272727272,8.4,26.45454545454545,9.120678840339163,2.3768363636363645,479,17,85,11,10,156,73,110,0.066,0.893,0.04,-0.4389,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,5,1,3,1,2,0,0,7,0,11,1,1,4,1,23,24,5,0,1,6,0,3,1,0,4,0,2,0,2,5,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,20,2,9,19,1,4,0,0,2,0,17,1,0,3,4,62,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441084831557647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988849768370838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320887774496896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913817798322616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16959437237641414,0.0,0.0,0.1534334577230523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480553859283245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17836201909917415,0.09413114394414512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367887659216068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874415651836533,0.14955530439164946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021744198745356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972651159479692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648818049032538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575628581001416,0.1376685739122788,0.14970648465812764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379098481680222,0.1097494657694541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.534926330438398,0.0,0.4437934177640523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469405916888925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Desigado,2019/09/27,"Diagnosis? I went to my doctor having issues with getting irrationally angry and not being able to control it, but being aware of it. Told her about some other issues while I was there, and she instantly looked concerned about the constant nightmares etc. and asked if I had any past trauma. I said I did and I told her what happened. (Not going in to that unless asked, I don’t want to have to TW this) She prescribed an antidepressant and said it was probably just depression. I’ve been writing a paper for a college English class on PTSD and I can’t shake that I have basically EVERY SINGLE symptom listed anywhere I’ve looked. By these resources’ definitions, I should be diagnosed with PTSD. Though I absolutely do not want to self diagnose so I keep brushing it off. Tonight the person that caused my PTSD spoke to me and some of their anger issues that were a problem in the past were VERY relevant. I had problems breathing and just sobbed when I left. I could not control it at all. It’s been about 30min and I’m still really upset. This is the first time in a few months that I have not been able to face that person without an adverse reaction. The last time there was shaking etc. it was last spring. I am in an incredibly rural area, and don’t know of any psychiatrists in the area that are any good. The one I do know of has a horrible reputation for making situations worse. Is this something that a regular doctor WOULD be able to diagnose, or do I need to try to find a decent psychiatrist? Can anyone give me some more guidance on the subject?",4.038,6.0369734666666695,4.941333333333336,81.00900000000001,72.66666666666666,7.7333333333333325,27.333333333333336,8.488131031819089,2.0321333333333333,1240,46,230,22,25,403,164,300,0.155,0.815,0.031,-0.9912,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,3,11,11,1,3,18,0,35,8,2,4,1,45,57,18,0,9,12,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,3,21,12,0,3,3,0,0,4,9,10,0,2,18,6,28,1,34,32,9,30,0,2,2,0,17,12,1,5,14,174,49,5,0.2804905629696701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074320125062127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537517445294097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748138752892544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604702428379387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103688415738783,0.20972934464477194,0.07464963026881574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805287036263096,0.28469201713424874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139598440151764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085474146953352,0.0,0.0,0.07877513225357692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545443101309383,0.07952837652444363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04884824744353148,0.08969070219251353,0.05313641694774125,0.07842072547811196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267895949992322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927592740042588,0.0,0.08310430004344226,0.0,0.0,0.10276685196412848,0.15242483026468331,0.0,0.0,0.10158460579028583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570276196940577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240987627572376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462829710877551,0.0,0.0,0.0693267327863307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335588820702476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850665368220078,0.0,0.1632756937065012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100805422492581,0.17892772512267466,0.3278784580622465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05989647900323905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787383805118062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753760996537286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509438162393617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197844630103505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466670863733649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717903094796472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186018466310893,0.0,0.10903753527531387,0.0,0.0,0.17868050205101613,0.0,0.0634782267907646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714469659936828,0.110293734199606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667252066252835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012763112456022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528128221509488,0.06641748275541695,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Username_tAiken,2019/09/27,"It is not normal. It is not a compliment. It is not your fault. TW: SA I am a survivor of sexual assault. I have PTSD as a result of an aggressive groping. My parents blame survivors for their assault, so I struggle to accept that it wasn't my fault. So please validate me ❤️ *** Groping is so normalized by our male dominated society. Groping is not normal. I'm a trans woman. Early in transition it is nice to get attention. Heck, catcalling can feel gender affirming. Only later in transition does the threat of catcalling become apparent. When someone touches you without your consent, it is not a compliment. It is an act of violence. It is an act of patriarchal control. What you wear does not matter. You could be fucking naked and it doesn't make it okay. You did not ask for it. You did not agree. Even if you didn't say anything, or didn't fight back, you still didn't ask for it. You were still violated. Responsibility is not on the survivor of assault. Survivors don't have to do anything prevent the assaulter. The assaulter should have never assaulted. It was never asked for. This male dominant system puts the blame on the survivor to defend it's violence. To perpetuate it's dominance. Saying it is normal, the survivors fault, and or a compliment, is rape culture. If you have been affected by this too, know that you are strong. If all you can do is collapse and cry, you are still strong. You have survived such an extreme theft of autonomy. And you continue on. And it can be really hard to do so. But you still feel it. Each day you work to tear him from you. It's a battle. With therapy, it gets easier. You begin to win that battle. Slowly. *** Yes women assaulters exist, not all men are bad, etc. That's not the focus of this post. This post is based or my experience.",1.1062984974209478,3.7301950991253636,3.1515962099125368,84.21570559542499,93.63556851311957,6.370239964117515,23.797320026911866,7.61054688173877,1.8139993720565148,1401,59,257,32,52,470,165,343,0.18100000000000002,0.688,0.13,-0.9665,2,0,0,0,1,0,62.0,1,20,1,6,13,29,15,1,19,2,44,3,1,4,4,47,56,18,0,9,19,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,5,29,7,0,2,5,0,0,3,20,20,0,0,9,6,30,9,31,43,4,24,0,0,0,2,36,5,2,6,13,195,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948532568225238,0.0,0.33204195579280826,0.0,0.0,0.09103623359804806,0.09885247629071836,0.0,0.13075479670656207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278683145672598,0.0945264754400618,0.0,0.13004818630783022,0.07635312409378925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721148687876528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203851112389256,0.0781968797316887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11581021258822075,0.0,0.0,0.1197252279286749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945160867058194,0.12370999415893805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605608636772497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650652138078819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902766049544545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262260563575447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.463996568547455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004254342733586,0.0,0.0,0.1314604402697558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995899702591704,0.0,0.0,0.22677385176829185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383940545619082,0.11901678232772275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584502469814676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883003340104361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031326043162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3781924049606901,0.0,0.0,0.12376915117800699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539170902111894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412578038615713,0.0,0.08619087456549594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway052619,2019/09/27,"I feel like I shouldn’t’ve gotten married and I am the problem From day one I was honest with my husband about PTSD and everything that comes with it. 3 years and a wedding later, it’s wearing him down. He’s started talking about he hates that he can never make me feel happy and that it’s making him have suicidal thoughts himself. I don’t know what to do for him. I can’t help myself, and I feel like I should run to protect him from me. I can’t pull myself out of this mess and now I realized I’ve dragged him into it too. I never ever wanted that and love him completely. Therapy or treatment is impossible as we can’t afford it. I’m so lost and scared. I don’t know if this is a vent, cry for help, or me giving up. I don’t know what to do.",0.8911111111111083,2.583542185185188,3.117061728395061,91.9507777777778,80.85185185185185,5.801481481481483,21.91111111111111,6.742157984588678,0.42409333333333343,582,18,132,6,15,199,90,162,0.141,0.6990000000000001,0.16,0.4888,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,1,6,10,1,1,3,0,15,2,1,2,3,33,33,13,1,4,3,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,14,0,1,8,0,0,3,8,5,0,1,4,3,27,5,17,28,0,15,0,1,0,1,18,4,0,3,10,93,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502120124663778,0.1828329962945258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154707256937675,0.11245998746244024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577357306464851,0.0,0.0,0.15672054331232882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645136880435479,0.2491526928922179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672801646229505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856296195255888,0.0,0.17216309713753233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23376504958542205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875023078330305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703854794427148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903552073459245,0.0,0.1573837976009806,0.0,0.2327985871956405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689835705337656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816367973523326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685709099415094,0.2038396440961669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745837352021633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342630815194533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074225271658293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14015918309087308,0.0,0.0,0.19941751015099496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384373965624014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285321422831972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229431729825368 ptsd,syds101,2019/09/27,I feel so weak I have been diagnosed with PTSD for almost 3 years now. I’ve felt so weak ever since I’ve been diagnosed. I don’t even feel like I “deserve” the diagnosis . There are people with PTSD who have been through so much more compared to me. It’s a constant burden in my mind. I don’t know what to do or think. I know none of this makes sense and I’m sorry for that. I just needed to get this off my chest.,0.31666666666666643,2.146604888888892,2.207777777777782,97.04500000000002,83.44444444444444,5.333333333333334,17.777777777777782,6.42735559955562,-0.3832222222222224,320,7,78,3,9,106,61,90,0.127,0.843,0.03,-0.7956,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,0,9,5,1,1,1,16,19,5,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,3,10,1,11,15,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,5,51,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20886657845017567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22540502224788364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234163988138517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776765421382414,0.18867601821251556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093250598418425,0.14901233166753305,0.20027318958353227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897644353944816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292644388878413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190352461906894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392313279228194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061021033249094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333311690490198,0.15466226889710885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460576635266909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4876466764288968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725427017506557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334925235561457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365209766708286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432114948775833 ptsd,StephPowell31,2019/09/27,"Panic attack at work! They want me to leave. So I'm a paeds cardiac respiratory nurse and I had a panic attack yesterday and had to go home. This has never happened at work before. A patients parent triggered me because she said she was a therapist specialising in ptsd and trauma. She said that revisiting memories retraumatises the patient and it shouldn't be done unless expressly necessary. Very long story short, I am dealing with everything she was talking about and it triggered me. I felt exposed and confused and embarrassed. Of course I hadn't disclosed anything to her about me, which made it more uncanny that she would say exactly what I'm going through. I felt a panic attack coming on but I couldnt leave the bay as I was the only nurse and you cant leave ventilated kids. I bleeped the nurse in charge and the runner to come but they didn't. By the time they got there I shot out of the room and was in a full blown panic attack. Today my manager called and was suggesting I take 6 months off to 'recover'. She wants to speak to my therapist. This is far from what I want. I don't think it's necessary to be off that long and I don't think it would help at all. I live alone so I have nothing but time in my head which is the worst place to be when I'm home. Everything just feels like it's completely out of my control. I had 1 freak out now I feel like I'm losing my freedom to choose.",2.565842880523732,4.657086184397166,3.9967375886524814,85.72615384615386,77.22695035460994,7.317184942716858,24.6759410801964,8.263242389622931,1.5641152209492637,1112,39,225,21,26,367,148,282,0.165,0.77,0.065,-0.9705,1,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,3,4,8,16,4,6,14,0,26,1,1,4,3,45,49,20,0,7,5,2,4,2,0,3,0,4,3,1,15,18,0,1,7,1,0,5,8,14,0,0,17,8,37,2,34,25,4,33,0,1,0,0,23,18,0,1,12,152,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513685465729907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559104465624862,0.0,0.0,0.4180054924328244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055995589726843376,0.0,0.07816412086716434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379696257429544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825451704060292,0.09631103083101593,0.0,0.1030262000244572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470123562232884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940022999374492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511152127586934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928920070253593,0.13124629127730109,0.17639555787745212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440967391212247,0.0,0.07346697883017032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122944391668774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427248161631868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157026727704961,0.0,0.18428148725985488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917920628338792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975404602203124,0.0,0.08111201520680722,0.16258231413074034,0.0,0.10276524872006516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691795875915907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331992457646759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084630641009163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813992230560068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986190564294611,0.0,0.4311007870988449,0.1019970840930028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597172570235732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737671342159724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475537959857596,0.07304891480430246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906554425962419,0.07383172445617933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133076950714869,0.0,0.11771738582933786,0.0,0.0,0.10712590494644762,0.0,0.0870703409223781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579220691443384,0.16254012055879727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374697153100715,0.0,0.0,0.13050612207024026,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sizeplayfanatic11560,2019/09/27,"Do you have to be diagnosed with PTSD to have it? Ok so my mom has seen a post on social media that I had posted yesterday, since she is aware of what I post on them, and I had mentioned my PTSD in the caption for the post. And immediately after she saw it, she called me into her room and asked me why she thought I had PTSD. And later informed me that in order to have it you must be diagnosed with it. Now I know that I do, and I know what has caused it and who gave it to me, but she does not. But unfortunately I had to lie to her, saying that I didn’t know what that meant at first, and then she had gone on to explaining what it was to me. But the thing is that I have been planning and thinking of a way to tell her about what happened to me, but the subject is just too much for me to handle, my reactions to talking about it (if I could even get that far) I am worried might make her reactions worse. I know I can’t speak of it, but I had a letter written (not going into very much detail, of course) on what had happened. I want to stop hiding, but I am afraid that her reaction, would be even worse than the trauma itself.",6.5274500188608044,4.0747573692946055,7.153715579026784,82.79644285175408,66.59336099585062,10.257412297246324,30.622783855149002,8.296473431620573,1.8594448132780084,870,21,205,9,11,290,115,241,0.086,0.89,0.024,-0.9501,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,1,2,8,3,0,1,8,1,31,2,0,2,1,39,51,17,0,5,10,1,0,0,0,3,2,2,1,0,26,12,0,1,9,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,17,4,41,1,34,27,2,26,0,0,2,0,28,11,0,2,7,167,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532866798018937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259684160556988,0.0,0.0,0.12672878918543992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849609946431233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504236849343074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795664985256097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16296149005862573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493333799751116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445258766225026,0.0,0.07011059251084115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21818071942714476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711904676886657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234641429666968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086968727047898,0.0,0.14448240188459668,0.0,0.0,0.18137343884344767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4725943658787558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326176713964952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810398801770358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204795870439684,0.0,0.0,0.12575404157429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313781078972263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915529382989267,0.1078255556273544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195754640338103,0.07904665688610996,0.0,0.0979372198844112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178820286226876,0.07276327139796268,0.09792058485813934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131680351789486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528210947837634,0.25143686891281586,0.08763423159752214,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pheonixkit,2019/09/27,"I let my friend touch my back!!!!! <tw physical abuse> I was physically abused as a child a lot, and a lot of it involved unprompted blows to the back of the head/back, over half a year ago i had a ""teacher"" that i didnt know during my ap saturday touch my back and then yell ""now everyone say, 'Mr marx, we will not use our phones """" the whole class, even though it was a saturday study session... and there was no mention of phone usage, and this event made me spiral into the worst ptsd events of my life, to the point that i had to take over a week off of school because every time i walked in the hallways they would morph into the hallways i was beaten in, and i would hear my 8 year old self screaming ""Please stop, NO!"" Over and over, and any form of unexpected physical contact would cause flashbacks. But over the summer i cut my abusers out of my life, and did a lot of meditation, and when i went to college, i reconnected with one of my friends from orientation, he is a really sweet guy, but he does the back pats and pokes to let you know he is there or he is leaving, but i let him do it without a warning... and didnt have any flashbacks!!!! This is probably a really minor thing, but it is a big change for me.",14.193680875576042,5.721730407258066,12.739239631336408,66.83064516129032,59.443548387096776,16.429493087557603,47.525345622119815,11.20814326018867,4.940995852534562,943,30,210,14,7,305,137,248,0.071,0.895,0.034,-0.7698,0,0,0,0,3,0,47.0,2,1,1,1,10,7,2,0,21,0,23,2,0,3,0,35,30,20,0,3,7,0,2,0,2,4,2,4,0,4,9,16,0,1,2,0,0,2,6,4,0,2,11,7,28,3,30,12,6,34,0,0,0,0,22,13,0,4,19,149,37,5,0.0,0.2658674283155545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945483528653402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259402582018988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313583456818135,0.0,0.06839353763585841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525602491270374,0.11868831329457613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818332838871913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410428868899123,0.0,0.09452982716770912,0.10720792522918994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733644425040954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109151277938288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514529181501902,0.0,0.1264528564624372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331978984773467,0.0,0.0,0.11879918596343055,0.0,0.3441835182180948,0.15849446789909313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28615465183287586,0.0,0.10616240872942853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773065199123885,0.0,0.07602679920597412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231573314227474,0.10606132584733187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096608273683848,0.0,0.1311509232501977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375104544171455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922262857304349,0.0,0.11354817152267445,0.0,0.0,0.11704472145725225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380073909194857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435730248943547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453792520837434,0.0,0.11023183498880433,0.0,0.06542229171503793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096901175532555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899967286357059,0.0,0.0,0.1040066600211449,0.0,0.12526263934084847,0.0,0.10815277803424904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391020993366386,0.0,0.0,0.14450087425062924 ptsd,possiblyilluminati,2019/09/27,"Angry with people’s reaction to PTSD I have PTSD, I was diagnosed 2.5 years ago in the midst of a severe mental breakdown. I fought the fight of my life on a daily basis to get to where I am now, an amazing place where I function normally 95% of the time. During this war against my brain my body shut down in essentially every way possible, I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t work the job that I love, I couldn’t open my curtains, I had alarms on every external and internal door in my apartment which I tested every few minutes, I slept maybe 2 hours every third night, I couldn’t walk to my car or take the trash out without a paranoid panic attack, nor could I travel in a vehicle with a window down, or a vehicle at night. I had hallucinations, flashbacks, dissociative episodes, I broke in the way that we all know far too well. This illness broke my heart, it shattered it into a million pieces. I didn’t recognize myself, I cry every time I remember how it felt to be so painfully out of control of my own mind and body, to be unable to stop those feelings. So why, why the heck, do people think it is okay to minimize my experience and treat me like an overdramatic attention seeker because my PTSD comes from non-combat events? Am I wrong for being filled with rage at the dismissal? Not just for my sake, but for the sake of every survivor and work-in-progress out there. How do you deal with this? What are some effective ways to spread awareness of real range of this disorder? Please share your experiences because I am absolutely struggling to deal with the ignorance that surrounds mental health illnesses.",8.380679611650486,7.119584608414242,8.177333333333333,73.12600000000002,62.13915857605178,11.217346278317153,36.13398058252427,10.203070172399654,3.516310291262136,1280,48,237,23,15,412,183,309,0.149,0.757,0.094,-0.9454,1,0,0,0,1,0,36.0,1,2,0,3,11,20,5,3,19,1,20,13,5,4,1,44,30,12,1,6,6,0,2,1,0,0,6,1,3,0,14,16,1,3,7,1,0,5,8,13,1,2,7,3,37,7,44,15,5,41,0,2,0,1,9,23,1,3,11,161,51,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838884583639591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076612835083996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537756646622115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102369056461518,0.0,0.10564426093967592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151990695831003,0.0,0.0,0.1061415041708688,0.07555856388100178,0.0,0.10395240219211736,0.0,0.19512961932804826,0.0,0.09605280868142664,0.0,0.0,0.1084602201415741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683550863302284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478405787772753,0.0,0.0,0.1851429095432219,0.0,0.0,0.04785043682472017,0.0,0.0908647015891478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944302351727654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059286843327377,0.0,0.11214325257207368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319667976454434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391090466385274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05200907037998273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684369107326428,0.04623401352247423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541202748381509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507385023083058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907401907663193,0.0,0.09555464689649608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776175833737748,0.09272247325932766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069860133250634,0.11103410098852168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121636335876005,0.0,0.09887371679732007,0.1038811098475804,0.0,0.10668704958951228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33187070491157883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771565745047444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072033147508371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069109201203948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911932459747319,0.0,0.09893333346286347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115394678592432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606384608770504,0.0,0.0,0.1103651758871262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253512212110348,0.0,0.0,0.0850884744645348,0.0,0.17078722620246056,0.0,0.0,0.09122502481587284,0.0,0.13779120974305056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346881346998324,0.0,0.06094201221190342 ptsd,RedRocket224,2019/09/27,"Anger management (PTSD rage) Diagnosed severe ptsd 2015. Gradually rebuilding life after severely emotionally abusive childhood/early adulthood. Have genuinely tried my best to build a better life for myself but feeling completely worn down by my mental health. It's the constant rage/agitation I cannot deal with, am in tears of frustration most days that I just cannot seem to control it. Have tried absolutely everything; therapy, medication, self-medication, exercise, meditation and nothing is helping at all. Am seething rage constantly and it's really wearing me out now. This isn't a life worth living in my honest opinion. Anyone got any advice or recommendations they felt helpful for dealing with ptsd rage? Also anyone find themselves getting very agitated by their argumentative internal monologue (inside voice) just never, ever shutting the fuck up?",8.820064935064932,11.693725500000005,8.675064935064938,55.53538961038964,61.85714285714286,11.662337662337663,40.58441558441558,11.389717465364855,6.0362857142857145,710,39,86,23,11,229,110,140,0.26899999999999996,0.645,0.086,-0.9848,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,3,5,9,6,0,4,0,8,9,1,1,3,19,15,5,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,1,1,0,4,6,0,0,3,3,9,3,16,12,3,14,0,0,0,1,6,7,1,4,7,55,14,1,0.0,0.14899562234654432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288345299362655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056387315284916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551570979375096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585752182762007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196902370274027,0.11121747373889328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184863739978694,0.2717865949848067,0.14104162288052308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109967243021016,0.2592896944232304,0.0,0.12763568902181616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145413639570795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374993341736075,0.0,0.0,0.11301783872205524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358401756240377,0.0,0.12074169359854615,0.0,0.11493510031066505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625574873976613,0.0657002586450106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057540625468532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366855430271732,0.0,0.0,0.16857790379303844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664671866658461,0.0,0.0,0.1110413686728424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396821846145029,0.1266819658801897,0.1267284944959624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698773737940522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066248856692828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4409922694507932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055998666047037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447994818542713,0.13118681913305252,0.2841280570728702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380843458207931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707547818701586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375861540433892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fallenanger,2019/09/27,"This week is a hard week for me This week a hard one for me . I haven't sleep only maybe two hours daily. I'm not working and it is hard to find one. I feeling down and that is everything my fault. I am a male and l was abused physical, emotional, and sexually by different people. I have two girls and I am always scared that someone treated them like I was treated. My mind is always running . I always feel like no body understands what I'm feeling. Is hard to explain to that I have PTSD because they don't understand that you don't have to be a military person to have ptsd. I been so many life or death situations that I'm always looking over my shoulder and because of that is hard for me to make friends. In other words I don't have friends. No body knows what I have gone through because I think they going to make fun of me and my situation. One time I tried to talk to someone about the rape and they started to joking about me and the rape. In my case is hard to come forward because I'm a men. For any body reading this thank you for reading (listening) to my ranting. I feeling a bit better Sorry for any errors English is my second language. Any questions feel free to ask . I think it can help to get some stuff out of my head.",3.2339380804953564,4.40726208627451,4.4057791537667725,87.37969040247678,73.23529411764707,7.093911248710011,28.323013415892678,7.475848149327749,1.5076666666666672,972,38,205,11,19,319,122,255,0.136,0.7290000000000001,0.135,-0.0867,1,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,2,4,2,3,15,2,1,8,0,25,9,6,2,0,31,51,11,1,0,2,0,11,2,2,0,1,1,0,4,15,11,0,0,13,3,1,5,7,4,0,6,4,13,34,12,32,46,2,16,0,0,1,2,18,6,0,3,9,135,49,3,0.0,0.10089268189753507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28341731601215625,0.0,0.0,0.1737213987145633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960679785923322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20763453365492385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531113345925677,0.09296529911797917,0.2837582070623299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733519885333904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896702672243903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578594969232468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653025418699966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21528021953457327,0.060833501835227774,0.0,0.0,0.07782853168352945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157838597023724,0.0,0.04448906076340553,0.0,0.048394556735540634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4576835399100341,0.0,0.08739180555282706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05707643135576585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385880259817989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04679800157396885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014626174246085,0.08320315751801617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150728715679809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368091684668903,0.08633203445590361,0.08554788924775944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598051230662558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310614654621134,0.06476288699332865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903454468739305,0.07435253707815083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19907919467811075,0.0,0.09539113297359617,0.0,0.1703525958167639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525326258798344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19143165106853646,0.08521475089026788,0.0,0.1443001519500185,0.0,0.0,0.0953220965091413,0.060271911624289534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748010335399217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844296020088468,0.0,0.0783976757930413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912553394376573,0.0,0.0,0.0496535473249387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781347001470635,0.0,0.1663647122588417,0.17729508148523598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491441253083734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061992583248673065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shimapie,2019/09/27,"Feel like my life is being controlled by the memories of the person who traumatized me. Dated this pedo woman when I was underage and I was abused by her a lot of the time. I tried committing suicide before but failed and was sent to the hospital for my wounds. Was sent to the psych ward after around the time I dated that woman. She had a propensity for young boys around 11-12. And disliked guys around their early to mid 20s. This might sound stupid but the older I get the more I'm reminded of her from when I was younger. I feel very stunted and scared being older now. I feel like my entire value as a human being is nothing and that I'm old and used. I don't feel like I can identify well with anyone my age. Even with people who share the same hobbies as me. I can't handle dating and I'm always reminded of that person. I'm going to be 20 in a few months. I don't know if I can really go on for long in the future. I feel like I'm going through the world alone. I've met people with ptsd but I guess not necessarily ones who have been through similar experiences like me. I don't know what to do right now either. My therapist said trauma can take years to recover from and it is eased with time. But she quit sadly the next time I tried visiting her. I'm sure a lot of you guys could have went through something similar with someone like an abusive parent or whoever. What are some of your experiences on it? Sorry if my post is cruddy. Just needed someone to talk to. I live in an empty desert town. So there isn't anyone to talk to really.",2.505338441890167,4.200580047021944,4.146931382793453,86.37462440496927,76.11598746081505,7.233762916521537,21.84616277719726,8.045849151850463,1.0212207360965981,1221,32,253,20,27,409,164,319,0.128,0.772,0.1,-0.9099,1,1,1,0,1,1,26.0,0,2,1,3,12,14,1,1,19,0,29,2,0,2,2,45,55,20,1,4,10,1,5,6,0,1,2,2,0,8,12,16,0,1,7,0,0,7,6,5,1,1,12,7,35,9,42,37,7,43,0,2,0,0,28,12,0,8,29,170,47,2,0.0,0.2336121700156885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021034373617394,0.0,0.0,0.08202990168412742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786464541951174,0.0,0.0,0.26328235629093755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388784186364351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057049551099636,0.07871141372721001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651138945367813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928684109807454,0.0,0.0,0.2492355159019427,0.281714116546408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150614410990748,0.0,0.16808291547971838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860154441060413,0.19522759546095847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835853001900987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963289338595302,0.2889793860323944,0.0,0.08705160154585058,0.08724386141822636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762542042926126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458219315405028,0.0,0.0,0.07868891980219002,0.0,0.0,0.07309889047072941,0.0,0.0,0.10484535103853207,0.0,0.0,0.09459414092063456,0.0,0.10344747103203566,0.0,0.06680316447329006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946602054781067,0.0,0.0,0.1366916592059286,0.17215973652716546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441635470882072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523958378111412,0.0,0.0,0.10485636758747406,0.0,0.0,0.1263110486321204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419031669329788,0.09377609244463933,0.0,0.09869992203360538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706004338784944,0.07589488716609576,0.0,0.11035687324954252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783504803491974,0.0,0.09291438502053392,0.0,0.07412300414564893,0.15847639446302306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446378462354186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22994081872728986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386431931692416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514504404188772,0.0,0.08134223986142854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886389811159331,0.09138848522198653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348495379206004 ptsd,Ci4r4L0ck3r,2019/09/27,"It has almost been a year Nearly a year ago today, I was on my way home from a school activity pretty late at night when an intoxicated driver hit the front of my car, causing me to spin out and hit a concrete divider. The impact was very severe, and I suffered a TBI to the left side of my head. When I returned to school a week later, I noticed the real damage. It seemed that everything on the right side of my body wasn’t working: I could barely hear out of my right ear, I had extreme trouble writing. The one thing that I had going for myself, my academic capabilities, were failing me. It got to the point where I felt that I couldn’t even function. I fell back into a deep depression and ended up attempting. Over the rest of the winter, and then moving forward into spring, I began to improve. I regained my normal functioning and graduated at the top of my class, I got into my dream university: everything was falling back into place. Then this summer, out of nowhere, I had a seizure and ended up hospitalized. Then I had another. And another. Turns out, the seizures were due to the TBI from the car accident. Now I'm at university, and I had another seizure. I can’t escape it. It’s the only thing I can think about. I’m absolutely terrified of getting into a car. I have a panic attack what feels like every other day. I just don’t know what to do.",3.657178261639228,5.212088702602233,5.4168667020711645,79.04151177199506,72.75464684014871,7.949088334218446,27.67941228536025,8.563005593585519,2.106566507346433,1067,40,202,19,21,365,145,269,0.131,0.815,0.053,-0.9704,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,4,9,8,1,1,25,0,20,4,3,1,0,30,36,13,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,14,17,0,0,5,1,0,9,4,7,0,1,16,4,32,1,37,16,1,63,0,4,0,0,2,29,0,2,27,149,46,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086000106064104,0.0,0.12267865244175485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853953680952423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393757467825298,0.0,0.1884092242724829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360838584252739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585416779295674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781632657118083,0.0,0.0,0.07901047919451659,0.0,0.1055199060450738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21701956528374036,0.0,0.0,0.08091840396114545,0.0,0.10322213297582464,0.0,0.22021281535119608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061946041780147586,0.08752301197167148,0.1176312897957522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400776677875067,0.0,0.06962672278839062,0.0,0.19596900468874745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573325244933978,0.0,0.13808058214029298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289010728329187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732971024917885,0.0,0.1381995270500277,0.0,0.13311027715482487,0.0,0.0,0.0598534584714075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021148452492928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496975754750642,0.12003631698328845,0.0,0.13948138488055284,0.0,0.0,0.08301769518146435,0.09317633808078288,0.0,0.14374211637923354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799957112452315,0.0,0.11581398811596788,0.0,0.0,0.12463933841244855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944613799964356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925014865934027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479785441537117,0.0,0.11153085201518843,0.0,0.1384043441189782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627838293610909,0.07850111472823687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612760127180526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325850718547294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108570944859396,0.0,0.09724478389111464,0.09827220221341244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919061770477375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778817018843008 ptsd,PolicyTrust,2019/09/27,"Glock Looks Enticing 1 week ago I was sitting in my room writing my last will and confirming that an ‘accidental discharge’ would result in my family being rewarded my copious amounts of life insurance. I was two weeks off my of Xanax and antidepressants. I thought I was fine and no longer needed them because I seemed to be back to normal. One week following cessation of my medications I was formulating a plan that would make my death appear to be an ‘accident’ because my family would receive millions of dollars following my death. PTSD isn’t about anxiety; overwhelming depression is a common trait. My Glock 18 was ready for action. I established a perfect method that would allow my weapon to discharge from approximately 10 feet away and would appear that it merely slid down a table and the trigger was caught on a random obstruction. I tested this method outside and calculated my placement for a shot directly to the heart. I was two weeks off of my antidepressants and Xanax. I thought I was healthy and no longer needed the medications. I broke down and made an emergency appointment with my PCP and psychiatrist to explain what was happening. I continued my medications today; thankful that they didn’t kick me as a patient due to my blatant disregard for their instructions. Don’t allow the feeling of assuming you’re ok because the meds worked for an extended period of time and as such you feel that you have beaten the condition. Suicide is a common ending to those of us with PTSD. I’m glad I chose not to do it. The Xanax worked first; abatement of 90% of the symptoms. The antidepressants will take a little while to reestablish serum levels, but the benefits will be there within weeks. Stay strong, all. We can beat this with medications and counseling. Don’t let the flashbacks and depression cause you to make a permanent solution to a problem that can be controlled.",7.1701572890025576,8.674326708823532,7.146393861892585,70.15594629156014,64.26470588235293,11.089514066496164,35.66496163682864,11.030560184262038,4.424034526854221,1531,71,248,44,23,489,181,340,0.09300000000000001,0.818,0.08900000000000001,-0.3716,0,0,2,0,0,1,26.0,2,3,3,10,4,15,2,1,26,1,33,11,2,9,3,52,54,17,3,9,2,0,2,0,0,8,9,0,1,0,13,17,0,2,7,0,1,8,7,7,0,5,14,3,39,8,42,26,2,40,0,4,1,0,11,12,0,5,18,180,52,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889521057188245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676565050940792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427988716297586,0.07716112154273744,0.0,0.18351292341116596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308464222206028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254838251048987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728585068371584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0888782017901254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919760068140026,0.0,0.1014775381056022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535562972050194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873706419221028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891240646197936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179669912087198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10261223469261947,0.07087848782711656,0.0,0.10057467209857056,0.0,0.0,0.08426672307574529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495133924316897,0.13396562392181394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114635780758937,0.4043586584406308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488129694593592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983193564970567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799814067309924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601911493571516,0.23460198303003166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913526995436592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695720549407413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976400330108127,0.0,0.0,0.10429959399010508,0.07544891776831604,0.0,0.0,0.09238660140117227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593295941182669,0.05851350105037851,0.0,0.09511780530704088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19605007678100814,0.0,0.1207058248940408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4024640178070651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14610851713368042,0.0,0.0,0.3564203315087635,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,iaobd,2019/09/27,"Please watch this. If you go see a therapist, I am sure you have heard of this. If not, please watch this. Or watch this to remember. https://youtu.be/RybY4zIecQ4",3.06964285714286,6.005066678571431,1.7654285714285716,92.37957142857144,96.5,6.525714285714287,16.314285714285713,7.554174236665415,0.6045342857142857,129,3,25,3,5,36,20,28,0.066,0.778,0.156,0.3895,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,5,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,3,0,16,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863864885300857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7200003427302231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3715132783798252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26134062505963634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090971960204851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807853311972144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hooloovooblues,2019/09/27,"Today's therapy takeaway I need to work on not viewing other people as inherently manipulative. While I recognize that doing so is absolutely central to so many of my problems with others, oh boy do I feel like this goal is going to fall into the ""long term"" category. I am absolutely hypervigilant to the point of paranoia about fearing being manipulated. Also, another nugget of truth from my session: There's a person in my cohort that keeps doing things that make me a little uncomfortable and it's causing me stress, but I'm not sure if it's intentional, so I'm trying to avoid making a fuss. My therapist asked me, ""So what are you doing to prioritize your needs when these things happen? His comfort isn't more important than your needs."" And I just had to be like, ""Well shit now that you're making me think about it uhh nothing."" He's an insightful dude, my therapist. Always asking pointed questions that make me think about things and come to realizations myself.",6.506166666666665,7.738730838888893,7.501111111111115,68.00000000000001,65.6111111111111,10.0,31.66666666666667,10.125756701596842,3.386166666666666,781,30,129,18,12,263,120,180,0.127,0.805,0.068,-0.8342,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,0,2,13,11,1,3,6,0,12,1,1,8,2,32,30,13,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,16,6,0,2,5,0,0,3,3,5,1,0,1,2,20,6,21,27,2,15,0,0,1,0,10,6,1,2,8,94,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915423360999146,0.11357397469051063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431259009415951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552070020977647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140216976983777,0.0,0.11757752852098255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359374138609858,0.0690154872646906,0.09751136867689407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757270782431687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070122783803375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132217331391495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336818567170994,0.13680288526798884,0.0,0.12079292922684742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644433234894121,0.13838353187784094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30362580104738096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096971160785348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462778038451564,0.11918132996400198,0.0,0.0,0.25806197110247603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306063613233611,0.0,0.0,0.1529045617181366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14010916947882884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635346041707593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864401634103614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560928290779016,0.3169601989253557,0.2720417232316624,0.17491973750377504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938038906663213,0.0,0.0,0.09267049272231796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272453326372315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936928596955844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shantamichelle,2019/09/27,"Anti-anxiety that isn’t a benzo? I’ll preface by saying that I’m scheduling an appointment with my physician tomorrow to discuss with him, but I would like some first-hand experiences from all of you. I have PTSD due to childhood traumas, sexual traumas, and domestic abuse. I’m currently in therapy and fast approaching sessions dedicated to EMDR. During my session today, my therapist recommended I start using an anti-anxiety but one that isn’t a benzo, like Xanax, otherwise it could interfere with the EMDR sessions. I have been on Xanax before for postpartum depression and hated it anyway. I’ve also been on Wellbutrin and it made me paranoid. Aside from those two, I have no idea what’s out there. Anyone else couple non-benzos with EMDR and had success?",6.494347826086957,8.301481623188407,7.492000000000001,65.92800000000003,66.10144927536231,10.73739130434783,34.814492753623185,10.793553405168565,4.549244057971015,616,29,90,18,10,207,95,138,0.19699999999999998,0.6890000000000001,0.113,-0.9447,1,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,1,0,1,3,7,1,0,5,0,10,3,0,2,1,20,16,8,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,8,10,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,4,1,11,3,16,10,2,13,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,10,65,19,4,0.0,0.2396360031050501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161741158831241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309445041141895,0.0,0.0,0.1414195698606288,0.20723146902479825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210188263703913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148207161527475,0.22378841657282536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419968242630732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689559148097998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978416412532966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203577495455527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996823572759279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283183238815717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762059783073732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913760964937017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705145008561362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364222142617073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083921398896453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315527875266462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312932281721016,0.2348306070323373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917116117771764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757119125804776,0.0,0.0,0.17468112245206396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367429106071394,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,vndeadnightmare,2019/09/27,"My therapist mentioned I may have PTSD: question? Your experience. Hi friends, excuse any ignorance I have because I’m just researching at this point. I was under the impression that you need to have flashbacks or something to have PTSD?? Maybe that’s not true? Maybe it is, I dunno. Basically I want to know what YOUR experience with PTSD is and how it’s like for you if you’re willing to share. Just so I can understand better how it truly affects people and not just a list of symptoms from the DSM 5. Thanks and have a good night friends. Sorry for my dumb question lol",3.0522727272727286,5.5616698636363635,3.864545454545453,85.16681818181819,77.63636363636363,6.90909090909091,27.272727272727273,8.00094639256281,1.8880000000000001,455,19,86,8,11,145,73,110,0.077,0.67,0.253,0.9617,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,0,1,6,11,1,0,4,1,11,1,0,3,1,24,17,8,0,3,7,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,12,9,11,14,0,4,0,0,0,0,12,3,1,6,2,58,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780833849698006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664065964339984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140210156526091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101527178040035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449654552380103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297052889053634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712596430837438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745154801963845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185367791176362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755071466948153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877311896271925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990729220061296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14986556986000654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5559521633412988,0.0,0.35518800663556155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204697183066827,0.0,0.1774654749974301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477719459286713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459565125277366,0.0,0.18406982102770472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503915148083287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935072717092322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mackdad43,2019/09/27,"Quitting Therapy Hi everyone, I recently started graduate school, and I also began therapy again since counseling services are available through my University. I’ve had 6 sessions so far. I think therapy is making everything a million times worse. My therapist has been really determined to point out my defense mechanisms (making jokes, and intellectualizing). This also makes me angry because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with those, but my therapist disagrees. When this happens, I fall into a psychological spiral- I come home, curl up in a ball, and cry the whole night. I barely sleep. I also can’t get up in the mornings, and it’s harming my productivity in graduate school, which further contributes to my anxiety. The stress also makes me feel nauseous most of the time. For the last 3 days, I’ve been in overwhelming pain- basically constant crying and nausea. When I bring this up, my therapist always turns it around and rephrases it as a question: “How can we balance treatment so that you’re not overwhelmed but we’re still making progress?” I never have an answer for him when he does this, and so we just change topics and everything gets worse. I also don’t jive well with my therapist, but I can’t say why. I just feel kind of uncomfortable around them. I’m thinking about quitting therapy, but the thought is causing me to panic. At this point, I don’t know if it’s really helping anymore. And I’m panicking because I’ve been so non-functional that I seriously cannot afford to have another week like this week. I’m worried something really bad will happen if I do. I think I’ll end things with my therapist next session. What are y’all thoughts? I wanted to run it by other people first.",5.125680660033975,7.313661447949528,5.990236593059938,73.83141652511526,70.16719242902208,9.167143897112352,33.01249696675564,9.661875296680813,3.5874024265954865,1377,66,228,34,26,452,182,317,0.187,0.76,0.053,-0.993,1,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,2,1,1,4,22,14,1,4,11,0,20,2,1,7,1,50,47,29,0,3,9,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,18,19,0,1,11,2,0,4,8,10,1,2,7,3,35,4,28,39,2,40,0,2,0,0,10,16,0,4,21,152,53,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073934924997417,0.0639680195308479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806124858423848,0.05881087573545955,0.0,0.07624156138324499,0.0,0.0,0.06326341552744959,0.13687407935867502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418928156990579,0.0937273000182316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789740990107667,0.08132592298447043,0.06622293233387606,0.0,0.08307698185014221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889206951212568,0.049579457845694605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727578799676849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680904134386196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345949427113818,0.13818460673940675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774288166473017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653917383556743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803303664819277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596457323573402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152919132944056,0.0,0.07711413670463735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005581194704209,0.042249718835949884,0.06266520866619668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037558334684902515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565807626525471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929246435723316,0.0,0.08175981349797426,0.07214407893696105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180280021135064,0.09019887326755684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05329699625545672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534767540394578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612009940653002,0.16353680870172693,0.0,0.0,0.1477485793590459,0.0,0.07590699680841728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061135864335641714,0.0,0.15560773585789026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359364471457916,0.0,0.07693275662847912,0.0,0.0,0.059183852776355475,0.0,0.0,0.05441410389728938,0.0,0.06139426062081596,0.0,0.0880626150218799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516632808278314,0.4463019862298753,0.05107382013150142,0.19703931671781424,0.0,0.12206387750888968,0.08965547002558799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836203577922468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04534418608956621,0.0,0.12333256440701602,0.0,0.06912186847489064,0.0,0.06936974872947275,0.08583068945113127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807256568785832,0.1566889442257789,0.0,0.08405319005814517,0.0,0.0 ptsd,autumnaster,2019/09/27,"mis/overuse of ""trauma"" in regular convo What are other people's thoughts on folks using ""trauma"" to refer to their bad hair day, or any emotional pain, or an unpleasant experience? Same for ""trigger"" meaning literally any negative stimulus. I think it's coming from a broader ignorance in our culture of what trauma and PTSD are. Some awareness has seeped into mainstream understanding, but just enough to be annoying. rankly, it's invalidating and pretty insulting to equate a trauma experience with a bad day, and I would love to address this in my own sphere of people. I've been seeing this a lot in conversations with friends, and also in the social internet. I do take their pain seriously, and calling them out usually doesn't feel appropriate when they're, like, crying about said pain. Does anyone have good tactics for kindly engaging friends/loved ones on this?",7.8921568627450975,9.320387529411768,7.961313725490196,65.23491176470588,62.59477124183008,11.08732026143791,36.21503267973856,11.00357731598739,4.533290718954248,704,32,106,19,10,228,109,153,0.23199999999999998,0.61,0.158,-0.9034,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,3,1,4,19,2,0,6,0,9,5,1,2,0,27,20,10,0,1,4,0,2,1,1,1,3,1,1,0,8,10,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,13,0,1,3,4,8,6,23,15,5,14,0,0,1,1,12,9,0,4,5,72,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835149820907805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128326519644216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348150149308767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24713918245257235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111937821704258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748453446065086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256548975584298,0.1908889830007288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951136730099366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647438533774292,0.0,0.15291833218396886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895348941440614,0.0,0.0,0.07483068725112657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434052174920778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241311321699608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541139535392832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230285104685369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582000368293902,0.1335712093818147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120987335727227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028519992417688,0.0,0.4724311443931771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520211100051916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056405678075666,0.0,0.0,0.17299816243418728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077707625181285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793280437721115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086220154251986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127377495266874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482918030407694,0.0,0.11749144933833147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406794946683475,0.0,0.12782010899659735,0.16299551530853296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513135755942314,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Achilles342,2018/12/06,"[trigger warning] Mugged and almost killed 9 months ago; need tips on living with PTSD whilst in college 9 months ago I was mugged on my way to eat dinner from my college dorm by a guy who proceeded to try to kill me with a knife. &#x200B; \[WARNING, THIS PART MAY CONTAIN TRIGGERING CONTENT GO TO NEXT PART WITH CAPSLOCK\] &#x200B; It was 12.30 AM and there weren't many lights around and it was raining pretty hard. Now, I had been used to doing this a lot and because I am 6'3"" and can be intimidating I was used to not being messed with. Because i have taken a lot of self-defense, I'm used to scanning my sorroudings, so I was able to see the knifeblade reflecting light just as this large man who was about 6 ft walks out of a shadow towards me. He told me to get out my wallet and even though I was complying he just rushed forward while I reached back to grab my wallet. I jumped back avoiding the knife twice (once to the gut and once the chest) before I couldn't back up anymore. So as this guy goes for my throat I do the only thing I thought to do and block it with my arm. At that point I stopped freaking out and punched the guy in the nose, throat, and jaw before kicking his knife away and bolting it to campus. &#x200B; \[END OF TRIGGERING CONTENT\] &#x200B; I was diagnosed with PTSD a month or two later but it only really got bad a couple months after the diagnosis when i would violently respond or feel extreme fear and anxiety due to one of my triggers. It's been really hard to college work as a result of this and while i am showing signs of progress, it's really hard to act ""normal"" again and function well. My friends have been really helpful especially since a couple had been diagnosed for PTSD, which made it easier to have someone to talk to and relate with. Anyways, the purpose of this post is simply because I still have a ways to go and I think it would be helpful to talk to people with similar experience and help one another out. Furthermore, I was wondering if anyone had tips as to balancing college life and PTSD, dealing with the extra pressure and stress from it. ",8.592504802151367,6.808616817518248,8.091571263926237,75.57821744141377,62.09002433090024,10.988398002305033,37.68997310795236,9.549672527348893,3.400559124087591,1676,66,321,24,19,531,213,411,0.099,0.83,0.071,-0.8212,0,1,0,0,0,1,58.0,0,0,0,2,18,12,3,4,20,0,36,12,7,9,0,68,53,33,2,6,7,0,5,0,1,3,3,0,1,4,21,33,2,4,5,1,0,7,3,10,1,4,22,10,32,2,63,24,5,47,0,0,2,0,18,15,0,8,24,223,53,7,0.06713903819999817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902941285307744,0.0,0.06723004854332347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909804793572166,0.32632512058773583,0.0,0.07040113551327859,0.05136118045536988,0.0,0.0665838850966637,0.04694517656983166,0.0,0.0,0.05976797830069407,0.0,0.0,0.0630793364708877,0.15487732839088916,0.056058292497499364,0.12278200357408868,0.0,0.11426075296875216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857613752676446,0.0,0.0,0.06921740031892372,0.0,0.13628942101469332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869999735785966,0.0,0.0,0.05946525992288654,0.0,0.0,0.04434470152774895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06567486233096652,0.0,0.0755500837386986,0.03394751501630119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05187145436773343,0.0,0.03507737639788816,0.0,0.07631332525760287,0.0,0.053697222116400746,0.0,0.0,0.19943461020764186,0.0,0.0,0.1804301723284258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500564622581862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855879658443066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047422288217907116,0.0,0.0,0.05928500077479919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415841872582395,0.0,0.06352858129886847,0.0,0.068068446846064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21435895898980456,0.0,0.0,0.04978274610963462,0.0,0.0,0.07140312880147981,0.0,0.06578200246843867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430017690036644,0.090990299712569,0.10212452790405864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541007143817505,0.0,0.04654575549459458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346809235395798,0.0,0.06430063965127547,0.06830453876932703,0.0,0.0,0.3139277712266992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720439482569841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535011209248197,0.0,0.07004065932275018,0.0,0.0,0.055538106194715664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056886689192444474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361732263354975,0.056131242222322936,0.07690754141896636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792763144718434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04460419368891497,0.04301998472301509,0.0659637641479822,0.053300896827456985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415422818037135,0.0,0.045582999815585265,0.0,0.06558508463759087,0.0,0.0,0.17395971742122082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658368691633012,0.0,0.0,0.06036605841614168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280942296827415,0.04887801943168437,0.0,0.0,0.09538729284833386,0.0,0.32632512058773583,0.0 ptsd,terriblecrayons,2018/12/06,"Seroquel for nightmares? I’ve had the typical trauma related nightmares since being diagnosed earlier this year but lately they’ve been getting increasingly evil and awful and are beginning to disturb life further by causing me to actually have flashbacks during the day of nightmares from the night prior. My therapist and psychiatrist have suggested seroquel but I’ve heard nothing but shit about it from other friends who’ve used it for PTSD symptoms and nightmares. I’m also weary to continue going down the medication rabbit hole. Has anyone here used it and if so, what kind of effect did it have on you? Were there any positives? Any negatives? Thank you so much!",6.561025641025642,9.310693863247867,6.521717948717952,69.1441153846154,67.63247863247864,9.466324786324787,35.63162393162393,9.888512548439397,4.32055623931624,550,28,78,14,10,174,85,117,0.141,0.745,0.115,-0.5523,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,6,7,2,1,4,1,10,5,1,4,0,13,18,12,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,5,1,4,3,13,12,2,12,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,7,54,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.2008085497385068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455969538647067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798706675314402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388397799370595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138953806323116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270906313217934,0.0,0.0,0.20885920010209244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589827058728058,0.0,0.10750992588563567,0.0,0.11694774217813572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142849531522352,0.0,0.0,0.2321252819511097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534629482555586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729855625705546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126968268415011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310766075852728,0.0,0.1974484647480451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405421591055565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122700868083416,0.17022076032978115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388096731476647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18945170272169126,0.0,0.2389228161829964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3554503072464213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251356309012666 ptsd,Phantacee,2018/12/06,"Need advice for dating someone who was just abandoned by their mother im having trouble being supportive for my girlfriend, as her mother has just walked on out her and her father about 3 weeks ago. Her father turned to anger first, punching holes in the walls, and experiencing trauma of his own, as is my girlfriend. Her mother was always her 'rock' and for her to just up and leave came as a complete shock. She prefers not to come to my house right now as it is just simply too hard for her, as my parents are together (and i completely understand this) but we go to her home and her father is constantly around us, which is made much harder by the fact that I am almost symbolizing him as my attacker in some regards. Feeling a lot of resentment towards him & even sometimes her about the whole situation",7.92194805194805,7.28884311038961,7.625292207792209,74.6793668831169,62.701298701298704,10.297402597402598,34.185064935064936,9.516144504307137,3.0528207792207787,645,23,117,10,8,205,101,154,0.131,0.8490000000000001,0.021,-0.9408,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,1,1,10,8,3,0,5,0,11,0,0,1,1,27,20,13,0,2,6,7,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,5,11,0,1,3,1,0,4,1,7,0,1,4,3,25,1,28,15,5,19,0,1,0,0,28,9,0,3,6,95,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286562099889784,0.14774074514264424,0.0,0.16689349682043655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386807701543956,0.1805842430528612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1483694733622411,0.0,0.18960842240698625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062329995641566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356935426952752,0.349495553467049,0.18010843402029195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11008235846587897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427213146787813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176735036366753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947210211965666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930140636147335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671811625000093,0.0,0.0,0.19231199919291436,0.0,0.0,0.18002957648762696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647689231006372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169480838889284,0.0,0.1577048851032322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225198413672504,0.1235818917222246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850646133133758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423331945895555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734133239038567,0.0,0.0,0.1412168916663267,0.0,0.1648384889480493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891323839547423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812864569556135,0.0,0.17350681878523086,0.20048056612929824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369067185856384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18607839047174995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PursuingSerenity,2018/12/06,"Confronted parent about PTSD A few days ago, my mother asked to see my daughter and have her abusive husband see her again (after being banned from this). They’ve also fought in front my my young daughter. My mother said at one point she can’t believe she’s in a repeat of her last abusive marriage. Sorry for lack of certain details as I’m still in a lot of pain from this conversation. I responded saying I was livid she could even ask without trying to talk about the problems we had. I started going about how I will protect my daughter (where she never did) and found myself not stopping there. I told her she doesn’t acknowledge how she fucked up her three kids and we all have PTSD from her last marriage (abusive father, she was manipulative, suicidal, and let her pedofile brother watch us) and how I won’t let this happen to my daughter. I opened up a lot. When she responded she was so nasty I wasn’t prepared for this. Since she always puts on a fake sweet face. She told me I’ve been using her, and she’s sick of cleaning for me? (I have fibromyalgia and struggle with daily tasks and *she* offered to wash my dishes while I had pneumonia) I felt awful and didn’t want her to, but she insisted. She continued to say “Keep your daughter safe? She lives in filth! And that’s sad.” What does that have to do with being safe, she just kept throwing low blows at me. I have a kid and fibro, my house is messy for sure, but not dirty. I have papers on my kitchen table, I have a sink of dishes some days, I struggle a lot. This really hurt me. Since she “totally understood my disability.” Every time I see a messy spot in my house I think of this comment all the time. She ignored all the issues brought up yet again. Said she hopes I get the help I need..twice. She’s never once in her life addressed any problem I’ve ever come to her with. She can’t handle any confrontation. She ruined her relationship with my brother because she wouldn’t apologize for missing his wedding. So many years have gone by she has never met his kids. Now won’t see the only grandkid she has left. I feel bad for my sister, she mistreats her awful, but she’s dependent on her for rides to work. Sorry for ranting! I’ve been hurting so bad I can’t stop thinking about it every minute I don’t have my mind occupied. I keep having flashbacks to my past with her and all the abuse and pain...I just feel so hurt but I am also glad that soon she will be out of my life. I don’t want to fix our relationship. She’s a mess herself and always makes it seem like she’s the better person when she’s just being fake. It’s all an act. I’m struggling with letting this go. I feel I need to respond back to her once more to show her how she’s still running from her problems and still blaming her kids for everything negative that’s happened because nothings ever her fault. This is my first time ever venting on here! I’m nervous..and feel a little silly. But I’ve always enjoyed reading others stories, and so appreciate I can relate to them! I love his thread it has helped me a lot with figuring out my PTSD. I started going to couples therapy because my PTSD seems to rule my life and it affects my relationship too. Thank you anyone who takes the time to read ❤️ Guess I’m not sure what I’m looking for. I can’t get it out of my head, I can’t escape. I have to actively be doing something or multitasking to keep away the flashbacks and conflict. Sleeping has always been difficult now I wake up already thinking about it. I hate I feel so much guilt, I already feel guilt for posting this! Sorry I must seem crazy 🤪 I’m normally a happy silly person or at least strive to be! Lol",2.358005323868678,4.469030572789119,3.5591777580597466,88.51773735581192,77.96598639455783,5.9479443951493645,24.39367051168293,6.958239930675773,0.941825791186039,2881,101,576,31,69,934,316,735,0.196,0.705,0.099,-0.9973,1,0,1,0,1,0,81.0,4,2,1,3,40,45,5,5,23,3,56,15,4,9,16,117,119,41,1,12,14,14,7,1,0,6,6,4,3,6,24,32,3,12,17,3,0,12,21,29,0,3,23,18,131,16,81,80,16,79,0,7,6,2,112,27,1,13,40,402,155,4,0.0,0.26507983428138143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049580107317520064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344411823643063,0.0894571746814459,0.18615873259587665,0.0,0.0,0.07607099397812599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039108768775414575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457724181436656,0.0,0.052549705098603454,0.043008050859660835,0.0934013229652284,0.10228639741972917,0.0,0.0,0.06301591071241347,0.0,0.04946707333341914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048180236165166215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044656938261095035,0.061887399650473435,0.0,0.07214268241409523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048946237196806436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03694238269364605,0.15178036621938798,0.0942497961447275,0.0,0.05026783587238921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968459112695564,0.0,0.053703235749292255,0.0,0.0,0.047575504227792616,0.0,0.06132625921785417,0.0,0.051707986659028635,0.0584440448638028,0.0,0.09536187985819193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161511061930493,0.0,0.09892049502680604,0.059540370714324165,0.0,0.05522100757999904,0.05740209522089253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497972439926139,0.0,0.0,0.055552831933281976,0.0,0.12907542261582058,0.17962823363582187,0.0,0.0,0.05837819860367361,0.0,0.14914408482295596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118365637011533,0.0,0.0,0.06076999246638653,0.17158196201331682,0.1185187131178265,0.02732541993105429,0.056058291096938585,0.04938874569367094,0.0,0.04696856965474889,0.0,0.0,0.1902046398770725,0.05048057350728346,0.0,0.03733486665227111,0.056705999276505874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056475106828896324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04111625995691853,0.08294534386129164,0.12941400364801642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548012237273207,0.05366800710242858,0.0,0.0,0.11913094224111495,0.03790079037162829,0.04253860396240198,0.11903061656297688,0.0,0.06210557134995848,0.0,0.05339316875364865,0.0,0.09767486519534184,0.0,0.0,0.05287356720866415,0.0,0.05356714005521534,0.0,0.0,0.16055734660495774,0.26152481498974683,0.056226840953288684,0.0,0.0,0.11189373951415936,0.0,0.03583130090896102,0.0,0.0,0.1801492508170243,0.0,0.0,0.10640777423158702,0.08895831936291353,0.0,0.0,0.17828140144381788,0.15275444950466013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925346164227386,0.0,0.055972127064830464,0.0,0.0,0.043058981283898325,0.0,0.1878329904912634,0.07917753817573499,0.0,0.134001464673146,0.09352286788757463,0.0,0.17541597685896276,0.0,0.06118023872836266,0.0,0.10542999443027974,0.0,0.042053703054184315,0.04495580900060538,0.0,0.051494425850356386,0.0639628121399075,0.0,0.0,0.10751638985220867,0.0,0.0,0.130456975162428,0.0,0.0,0.10689033716335752,0.0,0.03797397581891514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727898911143859,0.04830705986547874,0.0,0.0,0.06597997151494223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05391619548890881,0.0,0.04071896837602668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036018202796177734 ptsd,TheBossOfDancing,2018/12/06,"I have nightmares every single night After my trauma I had nightmares where I wake up screaming or crying or crawling away. That was about 11 years ago. It went on for about 5 years and then I got to the point where I was scared to go to sleep. I'd get so anxious before bed that no matter what I have nightmares. They're not always about my trauma, most are just regular nightmares, but they are so vivid and real that I wake up feeling the emotions I was feeling in my dream. Sometimes I wake up crying or screaming and trying to get away. Has anybody else's PTSD morphed into something like this? If so if you guys have any advice on how to deal with this it would be greatly appreciated. It's been effecting my life, I'm so tired and mentally exhausted from not having restful sleep I have a hard time focusing and parenting. ",5.050256553262688,6.010494036809818,5.463937534857781,82.28166201896266,68.75460122699387,7.645064138315673,29.54210819854993,7.686295010490155,1.8556674846625767,660,24,124,7,11,211,101,163,0.18899999999999997,0.7240000000000001,0.087,-0.9432,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,1,11,8,0,1,3,0,15,8,5,2,0,24,23,17,0,3,9,1,3,1,0,1,3,2,1,1,9,7,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,6,0,0,7,6,16,2,21,14,3,21,0,0,1,0,5,12,0,6,8,90,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040675013341984,0.13643889485642482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807198853258026,0.0,0.0,0.10466942197740693,0.0,0.0,0.1738833693429404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28922178981048297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309727611591461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33814308069002674,0.0,0.15868255379879467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857862062716624,0.17313687424873564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296824343690545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565098813561926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083145688026348,0.0,0.08747506613191725,0.0,0.1231021722582961,0.16969498258339274,0.0,0.15240287903427505,0.0,0.0,0.13788016883765955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871673548454068,0.07519649106453878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551129996927031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444414836987774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090756712462507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550212711052024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17992174011553147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519222009675214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540986277361395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30805803265336035,0.0,0.0,0.11849348736569905,0.1522286979137698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975074117671374,0.17690593633234555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450012261684903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268339704257982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933883069420132,0.0,0.0,0.19823610920214865 ptsd,traumaqueenblog,2018/12/06,"New Trauma Blog- traumaqueenblog.com I am starting a new blog about my trauma, starting therapy, doing EMDR, and my healing journey in general. I am hoping to build a community of trauma survivors who have gone through similar events to find support and give/ receive advice. Join me on my blog as I try to better understand my trauma through personal blog posts, humor and hope at traumaqueenblog.com",9.788823529411765,10.820402,9.434117647058828,57.70352941176475,58.411764705882355,11.505882352941176,42.0,11.20814326018867,5.418576470588236,328,17,43,8,4,106,48,68,0.14,0.664,0.195,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,9,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,8,12,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,4,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,5,11,11,0,12,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,5,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242198639983721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202933480696303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097168653100364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201132543775036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4557993342671208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432163459857695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035044560885534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219753574444988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248175469501889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26038176226465376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624007289694652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557842534339608,0.0,0.0,0.23886978155492944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hurtymchurtface,2018/12/06,"PTSD is ruining my life I can’t be intimate. I am too scared, insecure, ashamed, guilty. I try to be, but then I just leave. I can’t feel it the way I am supposed to. I just feel so so so much shame. I don’t ever want to have sex. It’s just so scary. I love my spouse and it’s ruining what is otherwise a perfect marriage. I’m in EMDR therapy but god I want to be aroused so fucking bad. I was able to be so in the past when we first started dating, but ever since he’s been my provider I can’t stop being scared. I don’t know what to do. ",-1.5346448087431703,0.3215706721311484,1.509868852459018,98.72392896174864,92.27868852459015,5.220546448087432,19.608743169398906,6.742157984588678,0.08374579234972668,410,14,106,6,15,144,68,122,0.267,0.608,0.125,-0.953,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,2,13,11,1,5,3,0,18,5,1,0,3,17,27,12,0,2,6,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,2,2,17,2,8,20,1,12,0,2,0,4,5,2,1,0,9,71,22,0,0.2093824558030724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17482560468454378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787968372914024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174012178580814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810060994301627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357070644599725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507112188508857,0.0,0.0,0.22170578825549853,0.0,0.0,0.14789302070858035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889758411991421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539201968693999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987924618274572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24475688603263746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192567306472408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17320333113889785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820197990300032,0.0,0.0,0.17505310857711098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394470860727784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215694326491704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469983946900413,0.1661980474653836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheTravelingChef,2018/12/06,"First night terror followed by first contact by my mother's murderer. First post here so please forgive me if I break any rules. I just needed to write this out and didn't know where else to post it except to brag about how wonderful my dog is in a separate post :/ I'm going to keep a long story short, two nights ago I experienced the absolute worst PTSD night terror I've ever had in my life. I was paralyzed and sobbing in bed thinking that I was being stabbed to death and there was nothing I could do to snap myself out of the state I was in. Thankfully my dog sleeps in the bed with me and with absolutely no training or any kind of coaxing, she climbed on to my chest and laid on top of me for the rest of the night to keep me calm. I spent most of yesterday morning reliving that night terror and thinking that it was the middle of August. My mother was murdered by my dad on 8/6/86 and I was there to witness it...I haven't had much in terms of traumatic flashbacks but yesterday was a weird exception and every time I started to lapse back into labored breathing and crying, my dog was on me, licking my face and laying on my chest for comfort. Late last night my father found me on social media. It was the first time in my life that he has ever had any contact with me and I have had to lock down my entire public life in order to stay as safe as possible, but what hit me like a ton of bricks is this- my dog was born on the anniversary of my mom's death. 8/6/2016 I have always felt that she was a blessing from my mom so that instead of being sad on that day, I could live in gratitude. However, given the wild events of the last 48 hours I honestly think the connection may go deeper still. The rest of today is going to be full of meetings with detectives etc and I'm not sure how I'm going to manage ",5.155513196480938,5.0836757634408665,5.8814271749755624,83.01259530791792,68.24731182795699,8.914173998044966,29.005865102639298,8.575989854853784,1.9507483870967743,1432,45,297,20,22,469,187,372,0.11199999999999999,0.802,0.086,-0.7908,2,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,0,6,15,19,2,3,17,0,31,8,5,2,3,49,54,22,4,4,8,6,1,1,0,1,3,0,2,0,13,19,0,3,8,0,1,6,4,9,0,5,21,3,41,10,63,26,9,70,1,2,0,0,16,26,1,5,32,210,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217332769807456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713417419355616,0.0,0.0,0.18911839005662734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128089970264184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802748199881047,0.0,0.1018270567480692,0.059784100960756925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743930452442395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338547077710106,0.0,0.16770567130354194,0.07810410064744494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900693904133881,0.0,0.0,0.3154037141771221,0.0,0.10164122402827144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21073513625957946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129123905744146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647927824210984,0.0,0.09653322065023244,0.05094572563324961,0.1511264271298252,0.10457010971351144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964311410020639,0.045288741956566125,0.0,0.08185616780721984,0.08203695318159918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21713921932376853,0.0,0.0,0.06814547377885917,0.06873618564894544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5219583778804031,0.0,0.08894855160936839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175722200197597,0.0,0.10450579326447852,0.26634412822562065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836182839269874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927673655444326,0.09449640253094788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561383327766984,0.0988063118428783,0.07403067388895654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736904728788404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534609057875654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781960551165946,0.0,0.0,0.10810871890482604,0.0,0.08786915747811276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055483888982943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100529649431519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_rainsong_,2018/12/06,"I need help brainstorming.. Hi everyone. I(28f) developed PTSD as a result of workplace trauma. My workplace insurance are paying for my doctors appointments, psychiatrist and psychologist appointments, as well as my prescribed medications. As a result of my diagnosis, I undergo EMDR with my psychologist, and my Psychiatrist has me on a number of drugs, and also monthly hospital admissions for TMS (trans cranial magnetic stimulation) which greatly improves my mood. My hospital admissions and TMS treatments aren’t covered by insurance because they believe it to be nothing more than placebo....but that’s a story for another time! So basically, I’m receiving good care, and “mainstream” treatment. I also meditate, exercise six days a week and have a healthy balanced diet. I don’t drink alcohol and I don’t take illicit substances. I try to do everything within my power to work on getting better. My workplace have come to me and my return to work rehab provider to see if there is anything else they can support me with and to see if there is anything else the workplace insurance crowd will fund, while I am still employed there. I’m being medically discharged from my job, so anything they can pay for in the meantime, I’d love to give a shot. Then if I find something that works for me, I’ll continue to fund myself. My rehab provider has come up with a few ideas which are currently being put to the insurance crowd to see if they would fund. These ideas are; -life coach -group ptsd therapy sessions. My question is, have you heard of any treatment (no matter how outlandish it may seem) that you know of which could possibly help relieve some symptoms of this beast? Have treatments like acupuncture or hypnotherapy for example been known to help? Any outlandish treatments you’ve heard of or programs you are aware of? For example, I’ve heard of psychologists administering mind altering drugs (brought up by my psychiatrist actually - I want to say cocaine?....but I can’t remember. Basically, in a nutshell, the patient takes a medical grade dose of the cocaine(?) and then has a therapy session to change the bad thoughts and feelings associated with your triggers and turn them into good feelings, retraining the brain to feel differently about that traumatic event/s). However, in my country (Australia), this treatment is still in the veeeery early stages of recognition. Are there programs or treatments (old wives tales even!) that have helped you or someone you know? I’m trying to brainstorm as many ideas as possible :) Also, I just want to say - I understand that I am fortunate to have an insurance crowd pay for my treatments. I know not everyone has their medications and treatments paid for by someone else. I am grateful for this silver lining to a shitty rain cloud. I hope I don’t come across as being insensitive to other people’s circumstances. I just want to try everything I can before I am medically discharged - while work are offering to pay, so then I can determine what treatments I do wish to continue financing for myself in the future. Thank you for reading. Sorry if this is all over the place (I took my sleeping medications half an hour ago😬) I appreciate any input. ✌️",6.576957500818867,8.67743964612676,6.763036357680974,70.10220602685885,66.27112676056338,10.142875859810024,37.50507697346872,10.3657114227393,4.526799574189321,2581,138,401,69,43,828,275,568,0.037000000000000005,0.845,0.11800000000000001,0.9914,7,0,7,0,0,0,87.0,0,7,6,6,18,15,0,0,24,0,45,21,2,5,1,67,84,41,0,13,12,1,3,1,0,3,16,5,0,0,18,21,3,0,16,4,9,7,7,2,1,2,8,11,61,12,76,68,4,41,0,0,3,1,33,14,0,14,20,276,79,18,0.0,0.0,0.06877983279303218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247764789184534,0.0753233498942277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16909222761519746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437896275448936,0.07390605818099669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740009486064723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588491562904704,0.042964903115870916,0.0,0.05997461401116415,0.07940857924853445,0.0,0.0623352097681591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868072754593647,0.0,0.0,0.07186064496999743,0.0,0.07456014205374265,0.18214086213219036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056273788330802016,0.0,0.0,0.045454773635073616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07363822609565307,0.0,0.07214086040876083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690450934998243,0.16347246000232654,0.0,0.17663489126945914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655240383886417,0.0,0.0,0.13469629675394013,0.12668855796568276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691277924438296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441886644907896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03682370464621378,0.06761233206711469,0.0,0.1182331724996289,0.0,0.0777061656942818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889692085595499,0.0,0.0,0.07000408955742572,0.06941013646663785,0.0,0.0,0.2386952972853686,0.0,0.0,0.06994207009189267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620446184449618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978320827577542,0.034433728713328976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361235720544678,0.0,0.0,0.0714572365377038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260165233850049,0.0,0.0,0.0711662807930893,0.0,0.05625770656685746,0.0,0.0,0.052261181635266205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762895508331672,0.0,0.07395853806398013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04886303734423604,0.0,0.07363822609565307,0.0,0.0,0.1589147315106009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477833742138295,0.07085343217700141,0.07895547458661441,0.0,0.07050063056435903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984186481032106,0.0,0.0,0.11209952650188088,0.0,0.0,0.16849402756035706,0.06416376262187158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053245819172263,0.0,0.119437589480019,0.054260146191460884,0.0,0.07889833293576176,0.0,0.0,0.11257332533555488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998163592758903,0.0,0.07325732489317767,0.10598671903395017,0.0,0.0,0.06488994842361766,0.161203606497126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595448359332701,0.04109836283247215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830760346200036,0.1435570525336027,0.0766636950036861,0.0,0.07337378676702573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471554574775585,0.0,0.0565360538471567,0.0,0.06337138446608337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105031247117475,0.0,0.0,0.20524565244880796,0.0,0.0,0.05006807605856773,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,syberburns,2018/12/06,"Unable to describe emotions when trauma is triggered My memory of my life prior to PTSD is excellent. I remember so much of my childhood and adulthood. I remember what I thought and how I felt and I was able to articulate feelings really well from a young age. Since the traumatic events of 4+ years ago I no longer recall much of the past 4 years. I haven’t wanted to remember that time on my life and I’ve subsequently forgotten most of it. It was a time ongoing terror, sadness and dread. Even though the past 4 years have been trauma-free, I can’t recall a whole lot of what has happened. There a big patches in my memory and my perception of time has changed. I feel like I’m speeding through life. Sometimes things feel like they happened a long time ago and sometimes the same things feel recent. Other times it feels like the things that happened never really occurred at all. It’s taken me 4 years to get to therapy. Before that I would never speak about my traumatic experiences or anything remotely related to them. I’d avoid anything that reminded me of my trauma. I completely shut down so I could remain functional and work. Now when I speak to my therapist about things that trigger my trauma I usually start to cry. He asks me what I’m feeling in the moment but I don’t know how I’m feeling. I don’t want to cry, I don’t feel sad or hurt, but I can’t stop crying in those moments. I’ve come to see the crying as a normal trauma response that has nothing to do with what is happening in my environment or even internally. I’m not sure if there’s a word in English to describe the empty uncomfortable bodily reaction that seems devoid of emotion and any urge except to cry when I’m not even feeling sad or scared in the moment. Essentially I feel numb in those times but I’m crying. Even when I’m going about my daily life I’m not feeling sad or happy; just numb and that’s typical for traumatised people. My therapist gave me an article on childhood abuse and alexithymia (unable to identify or express emotions). I suffered childhood abuse a lot and it shaped who I am today (in good and bad ways) but I was never traumatised as a result of it. I was mostly happy as a kid when I was in good home environments, and my 20s were also mostly happy. Typically I’ve always been liked by my peers and valued by many people so I felt good. I did go though some very rough periods but was mostly content, happy and loved my life. I’ve never denied the abuse but never felt the need to discuss it with many people. However, the trauma that impacted me in my 30s has had a profound and debilitating effect on me. Emotionally I haven’t been the same since. My therapist asked if I love myself. I told him I don’t feel love toward anyone or myself anymore. I deeply care about people but I no longer feel love. I don’t feel happy or excited anymore either. I don’t really get anxious unless my trauma is triggered. I feel guilt, sadness and frustration. My emotional system is fucked, but I still laugh and joke, I work, socialise with friends and seem normal on the outside. Do any of you have trouble identifying feelings in moments when their trauma is triggered, but perhaps can describe their emotions when they’re not triggered? I personally don’t think I have any trouble describing emotions outside the context of my trauma being triggered. I think I cry because my body takes over when I discuss trauma but I know I’m not feeling sad. I literally feel nothing in those moments. I don’t think I experience alexithymia any other time other than when I’m with my trauma. Alexithymia is often a normal part of the PTSD experience. I don’t have it as a result of childhood abuse. I could describe feelings back then and feel all the emotions as well. It’s frustrating trying to help my therapist understand. Any responses from people who might have insights would be much appreciated ",4.722204811093157,6.393296205607477,5.777460473613943,77.04547443374796,70.25500667556742,8.460412714028061,30.09629213219965,8.99025400887824,2.687580685358256,3114,127,546,60,57,1031,284,749,0.217,0.643,0.14,-0.9969,1,1,0,0,4,0,65.0,0,1,4,4,34,56,3,5,31,0,52,13,1,11,8,135,120,65,0,12,29,0,24,4,1,3,7,2,1,2,34,26,0,2,38,1,0,3,25,31,2,0,19,27,86,25,73,94,17,82,0,8,1,5,26,23,1,21,58,377,120,3,0.0411844922354136,0.19518755504382945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301513487325381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03293522356111304,0.034268796760749426,0.0,0.0,0.1400343349824855,0.0,0.0,0.04652675352637082,0.08168789938868358,0.028797154558142076,0.0,0.067782655927171,0.0,0.07700388148464764,0.0,0.0,0.03166833236204223,0.03438733073918043,0.025105684206071517,0.0,0.035044969511152546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04574668649437333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0419903346365269,0.0,0.0435677319162774,0.03547679333664654,0.043181156541076224,0.0,0.0,0.06576493167468835,0.0,0.316674615920822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3706160838698623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880787480517463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208590082721034,0.0,0.0,0.41648233459515976,0.08826662844609037,0.11863071341051055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03181903653853037,0.03807439943357335,0.04303439473154515,0.0,0.046812192068763116,0.10363079430619684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567724187960768,0.21920828903559536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027605097013560204,0.0,0.04131140369036272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044088850735939024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04526783973012529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544912418003586,0.08048265038866491,0.0,0.0,0.036446979627950654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002716505433823,0.14868244876957099,0.0,0.0,0.08350922193009498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04369023793043343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082602162432148,0.030537779145752925,0.15882009677680806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105617428511704,0.07903526210355466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044598791691482856,0.0786305159222688,0.14276070652428874,0.03596071006004375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628493498859088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915152094560225,0.0,0.04066471754830686,0.0,0.1399620037973273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04123286142040944,0.0,0.032818708137439784,0.07498562989953526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813647513186763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814650318111274,0.0,0.029150595579643963,0.0,0.03288998869937871,0.03443207962829353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0388158965334321,0.0,0.030965612687732062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047098056135284116,0.19127347911910764,0.10944458651169968,0.07916807900262747,0.0809271090324109,0.032695886482494226,0.16810506033568054,0.0,0.039038083062893365,0.03935354725357874,0.0,0.027961566806774443,0.0,0.0,0.042874508866194073,0.0,0.0,0.045358899696071486,0.033981519283166464,0.04858336114769344,0.03269033295615092,0.0,0.0,0.07405960915663455,0.0,0.0,0.04598101479783034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059965601704632526,0.0,0.0,0.058512563286458215,0.0,0.0,0.10608585085195282 ptsd,peachmoonprince,2018/12/06,"A productive therapy session Today was a really exciting step for me! I just recently began going to therapy, it took me two years to make thr appointment to get there, but its been really good for me. a month and a half ago my therapist mentioned getting me an appointment to get on some meds to help (im still living with my abuser and its not good for my mental state), but i got stuck at that wall i was at for those years before I made it in to therapy. Today my therapist brought it up again and helped me make the call, so Im officially scheduled to go in and talk about getting on meds! Im still in the middle of breakdown city, nothing is clean I havent studied for finals next week at all, Im having difficulty just getting up and doing simple stuff like eatig food, but getting on meds might help! gosh i hope it does, i feel just useless rn",4.111143410852712,5.073223098837211,5.504651162790698,81.12620155038762,70.9186046511628,8.989147286821705,28.286821705426355,9.2995712137729,2.3587426356589147,671,24,134,14,12,226,101,172,0.091,0.77,0.139,0.8694,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,7,0,8,1,0,3,1,21,26,9,0,1,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,6,1,0,1,0,0,5,2,1,0,2,9,1,16,5,26,16,2,34,0,1,0,0,6,13,0,3,16,87,25,1,0.0,0.11974017657591125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958404279898048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599504894501196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031940780243386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843873168338838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510992294298414,0.0,0.0,0.11070684683787363,0.0,0.0,0.12220276755725322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167996662186123,0.0,0.11487003140052646,0.16952951884170486,0.08082732039012383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032161849697818,0.0,0.0,0.10037588748334778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366507633240504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049373059499987465,0.0,0.08923828017706448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956258963162516,0.13491734782467496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367663261544986,0.0,0.1018452224915176,0.10720922864695843,0.0,0.0,0.08066553340135656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747899688337416,0.0,0.0,0.096970283150255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948389859725976,0.0,0.0997850597298673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141410464653838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569010327329067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122860831626103,0.0,0.0,0.34671449560939943,0.23467807831158005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19158708998988375,0.0,0.11228194301055072,0.0,0.0,0.0987214317590712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106464373141367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301593076501851 ptsd,SpareDare,2018/12/06,"Today was Horrible So today was just horrible, I didn’t get any sleep from my back hurting too much and I woke up with a night terror and felt like I was having a heart attack again. Morning was horrible because had a seizure in the shower and almost drowned and I couldn’t stomach anything. Work was trash because my coworker made fun of my cuts again when I rolled up my sleeves and the Partner supervising me forgot to meet me at court. Home was even worse because all I did was clean and my hands started to bleed a bit again and I just went on a cutting frenzy and I couldn’t play video games aka my only release because the girl who dumped me asked me to stop saying I have PTSD when I fucking do and it ruined my whole mood so now I’m just sitting here in bed again afraid of sleeping because night terrors are worse than life and I’ll end up cutting again and staying up sucks because being lonely is horrible and all I do is end up thinking about the cause of PTSD again and get goosebumps. Thanks for reading y’all, last time I vented a lot of people resonated so maybe it’ll happen again. This is kinda my only outlet for venting or talking to anyone about my life anyway so it’s for my own sanity lol. I don’t even know if this is the right subreddit for it. Thanks. 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I'm a 25 year old woman who survived a rollover car accident almost a month ago. It was extremely frightening but I walked away with minimal physical injuries. However I can't say the same for my emotions. Since the accident I've had frequent nightmares, flashbacks, and panic attacks. I also have trouble getting to sleep and staying asleep. I already live with general anxiety, but the accident has significantly increased the symptoms associated with that. Every time I drive now, especially on the highway where it happened, I get a horrible feeling that it's gonna happen again and that I have no control over the situation. Has anyone had similar experiences? Any advice would be highly appreciated!",5.761378205128202,8.559103791666674,6.9216666666666695,65.1669230769231,70.1111111111111,10.264102564102563,39.549145299145295,10.389873798559362,5.3117837606837615,662,41,96,21,13,222,105,144,0.23199999999999998,0.695,0.073,-0.9775,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,1,1,11,0,10,3,2,1,1,18,19,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,8,7,0,1,2,0,0,5,2,3,0,0,4,2,10,0,10,12,3,20,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,9,63,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280546625619125,0.15675750470128091,0.0,0.1770791672072824,0.0,0.19514673315314487,0.14141844622162347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025689173874965,0.0,0.1352816970816104,0.0,0.0,0.12365025686434925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20118040651662056,0.16614648676112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834048286926634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892058204935856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489948656992024,0.0,0.0,0.17298291731153898,0.0,0.0,0.08941534058196529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18478263023569608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127570875333313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868405906568328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615247634871876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115156378651833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17079264511772324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556325773232946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20748299524346198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671585658695296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062983039189872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462834224623883,0.1987749538191107,0.1769671637722611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884873270574528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838039016965685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403907720745605,0.10311650681982673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562167323778886,0.0,0.0,0.11387880945869505 ptsd,crazyausachick,2018/12/06,"Dissociation About two months ago I went into the hospital for acute confusion and dissociation. I didn’t know the year or month, I wandered around the Er alone for s while and I have almost no recollection of thus. What I remember is the I tense fear and panic I had. I thought I was dying or in limbo between life and death. I was absolutely insanely terrified. I eventually was seen and given atvian and I came to. Last night this happened to me again. I could control it in various ways- i counted, showered, made it cold, paced back and forth, read random pamphlets....I didn’t end up losing my mind like I did previously. But I’m so terrified. I live alone, work a full time job, the state I was In last night i couldn’t have done anything. My mind was literally going to escape... and maybe not return. Does this happen to anyone else? 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She claimed I had PTSD, I dismissed it at the time, now I'm wondering if she was right. So last March I was really at my lowest emotionally. I was depressed and suicidal, considering killing myself. But I had just got health insurance for the first time since I was 18 through the ACA and used the opportunity to seek help. After a referral from my GP I got an appointment to see a therapist. Going to my first appointment I was just about at the point of giving up. I was full of anxiety every day, I was completely stressed out, but I was eager to see her. At the mental health facility that my insurer had, Kaiser Permanente, they gave me a tablet to fill out a questionnaire on. Many of the questions were about my emotional state, how I've been handling them, if I'd considered hurting myself or others. In many of them I was thinking about these things on a daily basis or every other day. I was being entirely truthful in filling it out because I was scared I was overreacting and being just needy for attention or validation. Which was why when I was finished and the therapist called me into her office for my session sometime after filling it out, I thought she was wrong when she said the questionnaire said there was a likelihood I had PTSD. I dismissed it immediately, assuming I was just being overly dramatic and the results were skewed as a result. I mean, I've been spanked once or twice when I was a kid, but I wasn't routinely hit, or sexually abused. I wasn't in the military and I've spent most of my life in largely safe neighborhoods. Granted, there were a lot of heated arguments between my mom and stepfather, or just in general with my close family, but that was mostly it. I dismissed it, thought it was kind of an odd little anecdote, moved on. Then, a few months back, I was on Reddit, reading some post about a person who went to a restaurant with their SO. Their partner had PTSD, and one of their triggers was christmas music. They had to leave for a smoke because of it, and when they returned the restaurant had changed the music to make it more comfortable for them. Honestly, this was the first non-fictional representation of PTSD I've really ever read, and it kind of struck a cord with me, and over the past few months I've been recognizing some things that trigger my anxiety from day to day. Many of them revolve around my family, which I live with. The phone intercom in the house ringing, the certain notification warning from my cell phone, the sound of google home pinging to give me a broadcast, when my aunt is drinking heavily and voices start being raised. I feel a sudden rush of panic filling me, regardless of if there is a threat or not. I'll jump when the phone rings, I'll feel my hands shake when a fight, or a potential fight, starts breaking out between my mom and aunt, I get sick to my stomach when I'm in a situation that I'm afraid will lead to a fight, not a physical one, but a heated verbal one that can drag on for quite some time, and often finds me being the peacemaker or middle woman who has to help fix the situation. It's because of this that my friends often tell me that I shouldn't be living with them, and some even offering me a place to live away from my family, an offer I accepted a few months back and am following through this weekend. But still, the question swirls in my head, if what my therapist said in the first session was right. I've continued to see her since then, but it was only after my last appointment that I started to question this. I've asked my psychiatrist in my last appointment about that initial mention by my therapist about PTSD, to which he responded with 'a diagnosis at this point is entirely academic', which... just felt a little useless but reasonable. I'm expecting to talk with my therapist this Friday about it before my move, and I am going to bring it up, but it just kind of feels like an awkward question to ask a medical professional, and after the last time I brought it up I feel a little skittish, and I'm not sure how things will pan out in the moment of my therapist appointment. I know that this sub can't diagnose me, but I feel like this is something of a safe space where I can speak to people who would know. **tl;dr:** When I saw my therapist for the first time last year, after taking a questionnaire, she said I might have PTSD. I dismissed it, but a post I saw on reddit makes me question otherwise, noticing several things relating to my family that cause me anxiety, and even panic attacks. I have a therapist appointment on friday, but a recent appointment with my psychiatrist, where he absently dismissed a diagnosis of PTSD as being 'purely academic' has me nervous about bringing it up with my therapist.",8.410434310532032,7.230597882736159,8.471261672095547,70.78120304017374,62.029315960912044,12.269185667752442,37.83908794788273,11.385725864520365,4.279154788273615,3834,160,703,94,45,1255,349,921,0.10800000000000001,0.83,0.062,-0.9887,1,0,3,0,4,2,103.0,0,0,11,9,43,35,6,8,68,0,65,10,3,12,5,130,117,63,2,8,35,4,7,2,2,5,6,9,1,4,52,39,1,2,23,4,1,17,7,19,0,10,56,22,109,16,122,48,12,133,0,4,6,0,64,52,0,30,62,523,161,9,0.0,0.050472176092361265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303507353239824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03792163581156923,0.07964756698173152,0.04846186603203097,0.04002262905480712,0.06551112942295953,0.0,0.10387043488575022,0.0,0.03624812805142498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04349776179285418,0.0,0.0,0.04376032387235625,0.045063492633623366,0.0,0.044663645411688685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988985806334517,0.0,0.07337993400599081,0.04323651172110009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04173024590101337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583500466277488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627172507150053,0.03853272048880809,0.07178203231614072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063204184879076,0.0,0.10769523562260107,0.06086465656767544,0.04090117498097817,0.0,0.038934195050245625,0.21740522663998216,0.0,0.0,0.032911442840735605,0.0,0.02225592249906505,0.0817285950408293,0.0484193410964854,0.0,0.06813971491377828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04371828081021053,0.09056028230261057,0.0,0.0,0.05710566197531448,0.0,0.042729700491702056,0.0,0.0,0.04915287107465363,0.04560250242500272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04712885345006184,0.13307913490178852,0.04682196828925135,0.20834044536964166,0.0,0.045105588688049474,0.0,0.0,0.030088532258917992,0.04162288422419645,0.12808445941662164,0.11284558750640025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03621566349430167,0.0,0.0,0.05686956819379925,0.1295643716725293,0.0,0.04640218053226483,0.0,0.042913438589222634,0.042929200129405,0.04519020450554508,0.0,0.09978153726497213,0.10200498586628713,0.09055078325391927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048498597095163916,0.0,0.045365939745230906,0.08659739979975625,0.03239802704319663,0.0,0.09996016305477022,0.0,0.0,0.04066502339220146,0.029532389058906237,0.03719530766496487,0.044506294754946524,0.0,0.08053857441163895,0.0,0.0815950449934593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485670113431285,0.0,0.238599964365246,0.04530867590438409,0.08521991934545466,0.0,0.05457929258174395,0.043798282784984335,0.042060812419795965,0.0,0.0,0.07275765623221475,0.16208345484061146,0.0,0.04264846172053376,0.0,0.10183630503684836,0.0,0.0,0.09624820584331066,0.0,0.0704757261885101,0.09576484459195138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03279435407239124,0.0421309384198982,0.0,0.09045416812332843,0.0,0.03401916276758636,0.0,0.04879635985310466,0.0,0.0,0.04659577052840352,0.0,0.040148517964238815,0.0,0.032028719372648916,0.0342390059870727,0.03723290711051714,0.0,0.0,0.4946006274698394,0.11320202133857925,0.027295355132775256,0.0,0.06763679332608034,0.14903692936261975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036791367983829024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03948917317645306,0.03843845905645401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04619618230287928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030260703835819826,0.04657469810383897,0.0,0.02743199351979898 ptsd,Aspiestos,2018/12/06,"A dream symbolizing avoidance and isolation in ptsd This was a dream I had quite some time ago, when I was starting to develop feelings towards a woman I knew. In the dream I was inside a panic room. There were no windows and the place was very secure. Only one corridor let out of the room and it was sealed with 4 locked blast doors, with some empty space between each of them. I didn't feel trapped in the dream, instead I felt safe and out of harm. A dark figure was shown at the end of the corridor, behind all these doors. There was an extremely small vent above each of the blast doors. This shadowy figure climbed above the door and entered the vent, surpassing the blast door I had thought was so secure. With each door, she went through the vent above, and after each door I became more and more anxious. Who was this person? Was I in a threat, about to get attacked by an unknown assailant? There's nowhere I could flee! The unknown figure finally entered my room from the final vent and I was on the verge of a panic attack. I backed away in fear, but then the light in my room revealed that this person was a completely harmless woman, approaching and smiling towards me. ""How did you get past the blast doors?"", I asked. ""Easy."", she answered. ""I used the vents!"" When I woke up, I realized that the dream reflected my fear of falling in love and letting a new person in my life, who could have even the slightest chance of loving me for who I am. After having so many negative experiences regarding my past, my subconscious has learned to expect the worst when it comes to love and other people in general. Instead of pushing forward and letting the possibility of love enter my life, I back away and go into a defensive mode. But even my subconscious knows, that in the end it's healthy to let new people in. But it may not be easy with all those walls I've put up, you may have to do some climbing!",5.134634146341462,6.144274734417348,5.196210298102983,84.09750243902441,68.59349593495935,8.072021680216803,29.66514905149052,8.238735603445708,1.9872080433604329,1503,55,292,20,25,470,179,369,0.10800000000000001,0.753,0.139,0.9347,0,3,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,2,1,3,17,19,4,5,34,0,32,6,0,2,2,59,51,23,0,3,4,0,3,0,0,2,2,0,13,5,17,25,0,5,14,5,0,14,4,11,0,1,22,4,33,8,51,20,12,64,0,0,0,4,18,32,0,5,20,215,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739187183520801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137581511403467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216600576307317,0.22431503149478094,0.18525240631467185,0.15161540674122065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492440318797734,0.10336711983575683,0.0,0.0,0.15742819595258675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463852838601554,0.0,0.0,0.1302322301553181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09643749412940784,0.0,0.2218766967583468,0.099697606173706,0.0,0.09465946222507812,0.2159955784055229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301580118733944,0.0,0.05602954917086737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054181112653138234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032496000185837,0.13927053607118536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559162776202701,0.0,0.0,0.09995225281226107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904328469755525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680544262234768,0.07498023757236295,0.0,0.2313423827823095,0.0,0.0,0.1882258515784064,0.13669632072124838,0.25824841138422205,0.10300295600538023,0.0,0.0,0.11114259513211913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524351372891314,0.09910766926783267,0.0,0.10485994344255346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978074113643554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826746402582688,0.057487165065973476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514794769328465,0.0,0.08134501382802944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139160178978877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shadowscar00,2018/12/06,"(TW: Sexual Abuse) Trauma causing fear in the bedroom? Hey guys, I was sexually assaulted last Halloween, I've been seeing a psych, was hospitalized. I've lost almost all of my previous symptoms mostly due to meds, but I've recently (RECENTLY) developed an uneasiness to fear of sex or sexual actions that previously werent there. Does anyone have experience with this?",5.7606770833333325,8.711572046875002,7.376250000000002,61.17708333333337,70.71875,11.766666666666666,34.104166666666664,11.20814326018867,5.430497916666665,297,15,42,12,6,102,53,64,0.23399999999999999,0.7659999999999999,0.0,-0.9314,2,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,2,3,0,4,2,0,1,1,7,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,4,1,2,0,6,2,2,6,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,3,4,22,4,1,0.0,0.2621747793900324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215750233811388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547206765645737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22731045390784596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363930830624104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164494816207018,0.0,0.4979919525139646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190971119671804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803687184098305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415478820415654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24578672419548736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4369648812821633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632758530874684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229989526482745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SendMeYourDoggos,2018/12/06,"I Just Want To Live A Normal Life I’m 21 and I feel like I should be doing things that my friends are doing. They own their own houses, one has a husband and a baby, they can drive. I went for my driving test today and failed, and it’s just made me feel like absolute shit. I’m unemployed, apparently am too shit to drive and live with my grandparents. I wish my childhood never happened to me and I just grew up a normal kid.",1.7023876404494374,3.47349141573034,3.333019662921348,90.981327247191,78.66292134831461,6.247752808988763,21.2373595505618,7.1686216300943375,0.4842011235955059,332,9,73,4,8,110,56,89,0.11599999999999999,0.7509999999999999,0.134,-0.1027,4,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,3,1,4,6,2,0,4,0,8,3,2,1,1,19,17,6,0,5,3,1,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,3,0,1,2,2,15,3,6,13,2,9,0,1,0,0,6,1,2,0,5,50,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548130775599524,0.29032271379841884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15698666417216633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796831923303867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23445782373733115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352145945171746,0.1985399965355892,0.0,0.3588468694592609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226644363963336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567152240219483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981726464376612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768906037062406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41715007042840135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349926209061087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19260351985511856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984869170398035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836225436507767,0.0,0.0,0.2336623037720353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Golddustwoman1129,2018/12/06,Nightmares It’s been a while since I’ve been having PTSD symptoms but as of late I’m having nightmares. I’m sleeping fine and soundly but the nightmares I’m having are SO vivid. Any suggestions on how to not have them? Ha.,1.0553333333333337,3.6429659777777808,2.0194444444444457,93.9425,89.22222222222223,3.888888888888889,23.055555555555557,5.46131890053228,0.2832222222222227,179,7,35,1,6,56,34,45,0.061,0.8859999999999999,0.053,-0.091,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,7,2,1,1,0,5,10,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,4,8,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,22,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28074228995102163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4656964145995064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48258259554457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415017834751714,0.0,0.4131336348813453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290941460247294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mentalelf,2018/12/06,"[Trigger Warning: Terrorism] Has anyone had direct or indirect experience of terror attacks? Either themselves or their family/friends? How has it affected you? Has anyone got a PTSD diagnosis as a result? The 7/7 London Bombing happened literally 500 meters from my family home (the bus), the windows on our house shook. My Mum was an off-duty medical staff and as such was on scene before the rest of the EMS. Apparently it was like a war scene with mortally injured casualties, horrific, and the roof of the bus was blown on top of a large tree canopy. My Mum survived with servere PTSD and visions/flashbacks. Anyway, I'm triggering myself a bit now. Just wondered if I'm in such a minority with this situation that its unlikely anyone else has experienced it? Also to vocalise and try to normalise it as much as possible (apologies if it's upsetting to anyone else) I've yet to meet or even chat to someone affected by something like that which is yet another thing that just makes me feel unrelateable and isolated. How do people feel about it in relation to mental health, especially with more recent events (Paris, MCR)? Do we have a MH storm brewing? Do you think those victims are getting enough support? Doesn't seem like they are getting adequate care on the NHS, especially the poor youngsters.",6.082330969267138,8.12954900851064,6.77485815602837,69.74361111111112,67.42553191489361,9.988179669030734,34.75768321513002,10.25414643259724,4.132229314420804,1047,51,165,28,18,344,155,235,0.142,0.778,0.08,-0.9427,1,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,2,2,2,2,13,12,3,4,17,0,17,3,0,8,0,33,31,17,2,2,8,2,2,3,0,0,3,0,2,0,14,10,0,0,6,1,1,1,1,7,0,0,6,3,11,5,27,25,6,14,0,0,0,0,11,8,0,8,8,113,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059221547384447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501142056822736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38678846263401817,0.2833933853443502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732733219069808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117676469153462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509792556109257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409981057916548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310507612440423,0.0,0.0,0.14289280151667086,0.0,0.091340688134214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13527629934946067,0.13036957033243088,0.0,0.13984937434273526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684420400273607,0.0,0.14450392438073015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106048986695425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229132811024157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469981325903673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387183435987331,0.0,0.0,0.159570621374286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20268773788282107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231111159497846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931483372739634,0.1393660022289656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166067275937006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587439288418093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590366698447494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32331234240401474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654685528217486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125896017130468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544621731394254,0.0,0.0,0.11717452497145715,0.10646408526069387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693233992842942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187518699765784,0.088612052235027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389132020139816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997198238927467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Stripesocks889,2018/12/06,"My Significant Other is my Trigger. I’ve recently been diagnosed with PTSD. My boyfriend (now ex, I freaked out a lot the other night. Maybe my boyfriend again someday.) is basically the BIGGEST trigger for me. Has anyone dealt with this and found ways around it? We tried time apart... No dice. It got so I couldn’t hear his ringtone or I’d just, well, you all know how it is. I’m in therapy. I meditate. Help? ",0.5667083333333309,3.0600135874999985,2.055000000000004,92.20333333333336,94.375,5.666666666666668,24.16666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.2629166666666665,317,14,66,6,12,102,63,80,0.055999999999999994,0.855,0.08900000000000001,0.3736,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,3,1,16,11,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,1,11,1,6,7,2,11,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,5,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18251857057189644,0.0,0.0,0.232372455755659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649404275929259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862064319959068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087699086569275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942003054667716,0.0,0.1749632185791416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434555171716457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219187670280832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622401872349697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449594089598417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30513064522127925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577360934963755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985110860578583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220896344573911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772225514232308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719383335701952,0.0,0.0,0.23469773676928124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Nicanoru,2019/07/04,"Other Veterans, how are you dealing with today? These explosions seem to get more extreme every year. Music helps. I thought that while I was out in Afghanistan that it didn't affect me that badly, but I'm fucking shaking right now. I'm chain smoking. Haven't smoked in months. &#x200B; Fuck this fucking holiday and all the people pissing away thousands to make it sound like a fucking warzone outside.",4.947025440313112,7.781116109589043,4.318238747553817,82.67739726027398,72.83561643835617,5.815264187866927,33.71624266144814,6.868970318607317,2.399753033268102,328,17,51,3,7,98,61,73,0.159,0.7290000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.5859,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,0,2,8,5,1,2,0,4,5,1,3,1,10,14,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,7,0,1,3,1,4,1,7,11,2,11,0,0,0,4,3,5,5,1,6,33,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782786924043686,0.2330721794162711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021338229704909,0.0,0.1601547362730127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977494140420933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616096085808492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7093072092495442,0.10021368321918793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12856732223651024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370949540482504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803578220639508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310224863833086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297806379310353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380612202733996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746181445706482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227704402336592,0.0,0.0,0.1818150395261142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330721794162711,0.1235204296195512 ptsd,Halformalady,2019/07/04,It’s the middle of a thunderstorm and people are still setting off fireworks. It’s 2x the loud booming and my anxious heart really can’t take it 😣,2.253,4.563876966666665,4.043333333333333,83.885,79.33333333333334,6.666666666666668,26.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.8506666666666671,119,5,22,2,3,40,25,30,0.077,0.9229999999999999,0.0,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5170116700929335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.542314762950778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31727531241540685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931808542604587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654780679499922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440941376247375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,average-unicorn,2019/07/04,"I don’t know what to do. So.. Today I had neuropsychological test, to see if I have autism (long story). And they basically told me that my symptoms match PTSD a lot. And now I’m a bit confused and I don’t know what to think about it. I mean, yeah sure, it did clear things up a lot. But at the same time, I don’t know for sure if I even have PTSD. I guess I’m asking for advice how to handle this better, and also if there is such a thing as a test to make sure that I have or dont have PTSD.",-0.5572481572481571,1.0255414324324337,1.9526617526617545,99.03597051597052,85.12612612612612,4.7570843570843575,13.694512694512696,5.565023196281405,-1.3177099099099094,373,4,100,2,11,128,66,111,0.023,0.8290000000000001,0.149,0.8951,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,8,5,0,1,6,1,12,1,0,2,4,25,24,13,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,1,12,4,11,21,4,6,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,8,4,69,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510968528257277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365281387518705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455263385748687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675242558529324,0.16880943846800306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812182598674121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212774073381928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033584689967154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549320372895541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368374372769981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629117118517126,0.0,0.0,0.10321276820216224,0.0,0.0,0.168430943137484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5422417942466681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321536550109832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371940716182701,0.16071361447714572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20545072451787927,0.09907686137915872,0.0,0.0,0.09016253937106164,0.0,0.14656553978032,0.14774992630141714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,somehappyendings,2019/07/04,"Regaining control I have cPTSD as well as Bipolar disorder. Some major circumstances changed in my life recently and destabilized me. I'm trying to regain balance. Initially I thought maybe I was entering a mixed or depressive episode. That doesn't seem to be the case. The more I think about the various aspects of the situation, the more I see clear echos of past traumas that might be unconciouslly unbalancing me. (For example, I was suddenly and unexpectedly pulled away from everyone I am comfortable with at work and re-assigned to a new division, and a superior is on the one hand offering preferrential treatment if I neglect my job and do some unethical things for them, and on the other implicitly threatening poor treatment if I refuse and just do my job.) The situation is just inherently stressful, so it may not be purely a PTSD thing, but it feels like it. I'm in frantic fight mode, constantly attacking everyone around me for almost no reason. I can't calm down or feel safe. I don't feel like I can trust most of the people I deal with. I'm extra paranoid. I'm working on addressing the root situation, but things are moving slowly and it's a bit hard to stay sane in the meantime. Any tips? I've been doing a few things: * Channeling my energy into making myself safe * Trying to force myself to take at least an hour a day to do something distracting that takes my mind off things * Trying to force myself to eat, shower, sleep and all that good stuff no matter what's going on * Therapy * Venting to a co-worker (probably in an inappropriate way)",5.1118601523980285,7.097568711340209,6.2941760047811135,72.47139399372482,69.79037800687287,10.146780218138352,31.552517555655164,10.374825546531014,3.7361479456148214,1249,55,215,37,23,418,178,291,0.135,0.7490000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.2083,5,0,1,0,1,0,36.0,0,0,1,3,6,18,2,3,21,0,21,5,2,4,4,48,36,18,0,2,9,0,5,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,16,13,1,5,7,1,1,4,6,8,1,1,4,6,25,10,37,27,12,28,0,2,1,0,5,15,0,11,9,153,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785251461586988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324412226724761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588163169453426,0.0,0.1225317075772205,0.10119381446380664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175876164754427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139392094010946,0.0,0.0,0.116392477134773,0.12080201282252535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946179056033645,0.11104068554641262,0.09276746184015018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344099517549838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102106517798224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058363777034782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633789476044497,0.15389110884440727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06121209344678225,0.0903391130202034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648387995067123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606921949974774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137641895693296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607629540597359,0.10523992359082517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189493379557116,0.0,0.10820566906780102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425958959501058,0.1087528744746252,0.0,0.0,0.11447497798809507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402362143639436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298472068875814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281805392348488,0.0746701346132823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612583790937253,0.0,0.12590314996105045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074023387888107,0.10634718779661434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582814606761982,0.098051964279601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631999000811233,0.10778429737550684,0.0,0.0,0.08291773578685843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114800812071665,0.0,0.0,0.1233774467619869,0.0,0.12329818885032715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196378710008175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317178435395508,0.0,0.3577771068142813,0.06901398454477625,0.0,0.08550694040355808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193769568979656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854924167096885,0.0,0.0,0.09684109023711153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352348727706233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway0706199,2019/07/04,"Anyone else get a little worse after diagnosis? I’ve been suffering from symptoms of PTSD for about 6 years now. I just last week started going to a psychologist to get some help, and he’s suspecting PTSD but has not made an official diagnosis yet. I feel like since I went last week I feel like I’ve taken some steps back and feel a little more of the stress and trauma presenting itself. Anyone else have this? Is it normal?",3.79254733218589,5.790019855421691,4.957177280550777,80.64096385542172,73.33734939759036,8.11635111876076,22.70051635111876,8.841846274778883,1.6243817555938038,340,9,64,7,7,112,59,83,0.159,0.7440000000000001,0.09699999999999999,-0.6473,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,5,0,4,1,0,1,0,14,14,4,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,4,3,4,2,8,10,3,16,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,13,36,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234729171772527,0.3274696773546899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287697732072332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669861829880231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424003092307025,0.22832349527708706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697868031021634,0.0,0.09081849649369736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711113047863877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605180158564305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15614123114315334,0.3203248334240531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120741281984815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657088825212978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735972465383532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218890110436818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310785269573614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830513152747572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609425302591474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563651797678703,0.0,0.0,0.14813697396328387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285070186943454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029064977290172 ptsd,MyRedditAccountDuh,2019/07/04,"Baby talk? So embarassing I've noticed that I randomly start talking like a baby. It's not mispronounced words like ""I Wuv you""; I can pronounce normally but my voice comes out very childish. Once this starts I'm completely aware of it and annoyed by it but cannot turn it off. I've told my husband I think it might be a result of my trauma which started when i was a child and continued until present day. He says ""it's just a thing you do, you've always done it"". I guess I wanted some insight....do any of you do this? Is this common? He didn't know me when my trauma started but this has been going on all 6years weve been together.",2.3937820957668268,4.0222942213740485,3.8270645385149216,88.83582234559334,76.25190839694656,6.9010409437890345,24.88619014573213,7.686295010490155,1.212306870229007,497,17,105,7,11,164,85,131,0.11800000000000001,0.853,0.027999999999999997,-0.9198,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,3,0,0,4,5,1,0,4,0,14,0,0,1,1,20,27,9,0,2,5,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,14,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,7,2,16,2,8,18,2,16,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,4,13,67,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020069196199546,0.0,0.0,0.1309272544306364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658478668160625,0.2018644309543705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416616165755445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970254146544169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941944670586216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209390972714812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058096567997532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18812122837600198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042442983132796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863888551581934,0.0,0.2191971034710576,0.0,0.20503856160797532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531078786258409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5450959501807873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30949723858478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790862349995544,0.12336568770387807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397102020236,0.0,0.0,0.20941775716485145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885771949012276,0.1135594011082198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,greenblueyellowe,2019/07/04,"My life story (not really) just feeling upset. I can't really explain it, but I've been suicidal since I was 7 years old (wanted to jump in front of a car). I have also had anger problems since I was very young. I never trusted people (except my own family). I even killed a chicken by using grain to suffocate him. I felt bad afterwards. Outwardly, most would think I am a nice person, but most times I do wish I was dead. I have always wanted this. I often had a suspicion that I was sexually abused at a young age. This was starting in middle school. I never had any conscious memories of it, other than a lot of stomach issues and headaches around the time I think that it occured (age four). When I was in my 20s I had a medical procedure that involved a medication called propofol. When I woke up it was like something in my brain snapped. I felt like my heart had been ripped from my chest just like when I was very young. A day or two after that i went to the ER because I couldn't relax eat or sleep. When the nurse took my vitals at check in, I blurted out ""I don't know why I'm still alive, I just wanted to die!"" But I had no idea who said that. Even though it was my body saying those words. It freaked me out even worse. After that, was my first visit to the psych ward, 7 years ago. Ever since then, I tried to find an reason I felt the way I did. To the point of causing trauma to my mind, just by focusing on the ""why"" too often. I put myself in bad situations by not caring about my life, & being angry. I was wanting a reason for the pain I felt. Nothing ever felt ""okay"". I tried killing myself twice, once trying to jump from a moving car (I was given weed but was ""laced"" with something else) and another by overdosing on anxiety and other medications I was prescribed. Just recently, I finally realized that my feelings and ways I reacted were legitimate, that the feeling was horrible, but not linked to any one thing. ""Finding a reason"" is an addictive thing for me to overcome. I tell myself often, nothing happened, even though the way I felt could be very difficult to bear. It is sort of a way to be forgiving, and just move on. I have a PTSD diagnosis, probably just from the things I put myself through as a result of the pain I felt inside (for no explainable reason). I was stuck on the fact that I was abused, but now I have just come to realize-- life is to short to obsess anymore.",3.7526551826551824,4.905571405405407,5.053290169290172,83.31053222453222,71.95218295218295,8.158265518265518,26.216869616869612,8.591530228387361,1.7650302465102472,1870,60,377,32,35,623,234,481,0.21600000000000005,0.726,0.057999999999999996,-0.9982,0,0,2,0,2,1,78.0,0,0,0,1,29,23,3,2,30,1,44,16,6,8,5,84,76,22,5,9,20,0,10,3,0,1,9,2,0,1,25,10,1,0,27,1,1,13,10,13,1,5,40,12,64,10,56,30,4,67,0,0,0,0,12,20,0,9,33,276,89,2,0.0,0.15568049422898916,0.0,0.07161946861517418,0.0,0.0,0.0582364602123941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052537897514879715,0.054665198456410616,0.07118271317353553,0.0,0.08935247731016802,0.06888907252339542,0.05025805421291564,0.0,0.06515380832811063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848429235856075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970856504635668,0.04004830455794679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297459882812146,0.0,0.0733396216698678,0.06708402111863031,0.0,0.06698250867056814,0.06748895505914312,0.0,0.056592180982733664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05245373898839078,0.0,0.0,0.04236915449897805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818315316999939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722447110885055,0.054881445149479534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356909585625838,0.11885346410877322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061933320494913624,0.0,0.0996551890916277,0.0,0.4415562137397242,0.07196789383105187,0.12009180497266993,0.05588186692099754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809567369354241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785130629254551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416395917736042,0.0,0.0685706389960297,0.0,0.0,0.14536807733680535,0.0,0.03610537393268797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921128239412792,0.0962887627739851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055853272318854334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985485621744372,0.0,0.0,0.06633528021165716,0.0,0.0,0.13965110860284216,0.0,0.0,0.10133921152568284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260761595485549,0.0,0.06893798989977629,0.06996520129997905,0.044518013169278926,0.0,0.13981256073395018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04554605408770105,0.05736411948718631,0.0,0.0,0.062104936024344436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083251854027148,0.06286319274170599,0.07679632168384906,0.13208733757168442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417440956226646,0.2701899873653098,0.06486789922832016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062492927563082064,0.0522449214658022,0.0,0.06648890980533019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303580606614687,0.07384622325652856,0.06574448356755005,0.0,0.0,0.10115357896532258,0.0,0.0,0.046500701603535206,0.0,0.05246573937314163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186189645922851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742210688459516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093857839709191,0.08419201837959488,0.12909401245238167,0.0,0.07661694230330313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299182647267907,0.13381192890862514,0.0,0.0641764599265569,0.0,0.0,0.05674114724716588,0.0,0.16262080998352638,0.15499926054363464,0.2085890031249583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060901812372369475,0.11856271646300574,0.0,0.07554835139761637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669508943285095,0.04666929082130945,0.0,0.0,0.08461347695874508 ptsd,popdoppo,2019/07/04,"Who else suffers from night terrors? I dream a lot. Between 5-10 dreams a night. Sometimes they’re mild and I can fall back to sleep immediately but sometimes I wake up crying, sweating and shaking. I’m having a lot of trouble with medication for sleep as none so far have helped much. I wake up feeling exhausted and it’s a massive inconvenience to my education. I have a lot of lucid dreams but I am unable to control them or I am very limited in how much power I have in them. I also get sleep paralysis often. I have tried things like meditation and therapy but have had no success. If you have any suggestions or want to ask questions please leave a comment.",3.6752642706131087,5.6970362868217075,5.082861169837916,79.5085623678647,73.72868217054264,7.79168428470754,30.331923890063425,8.575989854853784,2.5146372093023257,527,24,98,10,11,176,86,129,0.19699999999999998,0.653,0.15,-0.7677,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,2,4,5,7,0,2,6,0,11,8,6,2,0,21,16,14,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,2,3,0,2,2,5,0,0,1,1,14,2,15,15,6,10,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,8,4,71,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660868824290766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076632343375612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480081106219472,0.0,0.0,0.12173853964460805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775696808476392,0.0,0.0,0.17390741750639185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225629703363662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005150164168938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271582332177581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611876112575416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763834008238135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734730244895477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037947773049693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949104804013994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23276727695177446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29714575687411776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378814880971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17735497144948076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4753039168347448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131656536696974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810530629924053,0.0,0.10518097370602332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748909258360294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063082972427772,0.09338141600780796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Tgkoke,2019/07/04,"Self-help and self-hatred. Relying on others and medication hasn’t been the answer. I’m looking for a decent self-help book and any advice on what you’ve done, to help yourself. Hey everyone, long-time lurker here. Any recommendations for self help books? I’m looking for books, that deal with hating yourself and how to forgive? I’ve realized now, that relying on meds and people, isn’t the answer. That there is no easy path, to recovery. I’m only straining relationships, with co-dependence. I’ve heard the line, “I need to help myself”, many times. Not once, have I listened and took the advice. Ive realize now, helping myself, might be the most important part to recovery. Self help, has been a mixture of it feeling far too difficult, or scary, to even try. As well as, a deeply-rooted sense of hating myself. That, I’m far too horrible a person, to even be allowed to feel something good. For years, I’ve tortured myself, for screwing up my life time after time, because of opiate addiction. It’s to a point where, I hate myself so much, I can’t even begin to understand forgiveness. Though, I recently received an amazing opportunity, to have a full life. That opportunity brought me out of that dark hole, just enough, to have some self awareness. A new perspective to try and help myself. To forgive myself. I’m improving my lifestyle, greatly. I just still can’t love myself. Sorry for the wall, I needed to get that off my chest. Again, any book recommendations or advice on what you’ve done to help yourself?",3.8997778981581774,6.293534795774647,4.874225352112678,79.57202058504875,74.28169014084506,7.60866738894908,27.120260021668468,8.502166056373571,2.189718743228602,1198,46,211,23,26,390,148,284,0.102,0.721,0.177,0.9603,1,0,1,0,0,0,61.0,0,0,0,2,18,17,5,1,14,0,17,7,1,2,0,32,39,14,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,4,12,10,0,0,10,4,0,3,6,7,1,0,7,6,20,10,38,29,6,28,0,0,2,2,21,13,1,5,12,135,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900474058613342,0.0,0.2421505557340227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851476863707776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050352871981846715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515812079264334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905923476614365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853490306913165,0.0,0.16367176888242654,0.0,0.0,0.0789289035353909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353120952385405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04315567245543763,0.0,0.0,0.0692818948389794,0.0,0.09106801900267776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24465449521865434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4982920656951033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668721823463232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309938595050719,0.13872826307243796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074550729701196,0.0,0.0,0.08374456411215406,0.0,0.0,0.0917512157700043,0.08321193155533446,0.0,0.08762672784817037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072132246932736,0.12249535772971598,0.0,0.07977666992938394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796748983829134,0.0,0.0628218688008704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944895626637392,0.0,0.05726521150072515,0.07212410604574511,0.0,0.0,0.0780847510922675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155863429496442,0.08868268306285645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5170258547291148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635903725309619,0.0,0.09246518366820257,0.0,0.0,0.06596535576846345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811551744123442,0.0,0.1444961202486126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177287614715468,0.11216146768012583,0.0,0.0,0.08599067201291126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426832083683622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05319240877073797 ptsd,HoldUp--What,2019/07/04,"CPT experiences? I've just been diagnosed with PTSD. My therapist wants to do CPT, and I agreed, but now I'm terrified. He said that we'll be reliving the *thoughts and feelings* associated with the trauma but not the trauma itself, but everything I read says I will at some point have to write it out in detail? So I'm confused there. And then going into the why it happened. I don't want to get into my abuser's head like that. I'm nauseous just thinking about it. I've made peace with the fact that this happened to me. I can talk about it (broadly, not in detail, just ""this happened to me""). I've never really dug into it though and I'm terrified. I honestly just sought therapy to help with my depression and anxiety symptoms, but my therapist feels that if we can handle the root--the trauma--it'll help in a more lasting way than just dealing with things as they come up. Has anyone been through this? What can I expect? I've been through CBT before and it's been helpful (I haven't had panic attacks since, for example) but we didn't get into the trauma side of things, just symptom management. It's extremely uncomfortable for me to talk about. Somebody tell me it'll be okay.",3.096223316912976,5.243194517241381,4.282364532019706,84.03718390804599,75.8103448275862,7.522495894909687,26.13382594417077,8.418075326091056,1.8930670771756977,936,35,180,18,21,306,124,232,0.15,0.721,0.129,-0.8094,0,0,0,0,1,0,37.0,3,0,1,0,13,10,1,2,8,1,19,4,1,1,2,46,38,16,0,4,14,0,2,1,0,3,3,2,0,0,19,19,0,0,4,1,0,2,6,7,0,0,9,4,20,3,32,24,2,20,0,1,0,0,15,13,0,3,5,124,39,2,0.0,0.1596918097467919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310603998735762,0.0,0.0,0.09424104371644293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333127456600515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468752918187684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610070797126087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895186952148286,0.11608548875595565,0.13679847667447453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113123134060087,0.13184033002405174,0.0,0.0,0.13629725055808073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14083357670001226,0.0,0.07659836374298114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575555171453202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832277349851724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710198136971162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986337866513488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584651409203947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275317347784284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395035143610054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813484355805854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127410305023165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755016262412444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481609275026826,0.0,0.08634327546259149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820628233932535,0.10718216306123993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149109400065926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801752616501571,0.0,0.21666150553926256,0.11780332806994916,0.0,0.1541322410255231,0.31297905268844284,0.17908318061690046,0.08636133799457793,0.13242029181685988,0.1069999628304732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899302316717887,0.10698178846127143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216176429439132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nknordberg,2019/07/04,Questioning what led to my PTSD I was talking to a friend of mine about the event in question and his version is very different from what i vividly remember. Is this normal?,3.9090909090909065,6.276088393939396,4.433333333333334,82.87000000000003,74.15151515151516,8.036363636363637,32.21212121212121,8.841846274778883,2.997230303030304,139,7,25,3,3,44,29,33,0.043,0.8590000000000001,0.098,0.4215,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,6,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,1,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061715698270293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22640725711503176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871236777135353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34255606711831754,0.0,0.6565590422892835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33196493700350665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23553994485721594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24179432850478846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BadJuJuForYou,2019/07/04,"How are you American folks going to be handling today? My ptsd isn’t even from combat or guns or loud noises, but fireworks still affect me a lot since being diagnosed. I also just moved to an area with a lot of gun owners and per New Years, there’s gonna be *a lot* of gunshots at home around me. I’m not really feeling like doing anything, which means illegal fireworks (the ones that shoot into the air are illegal here for residents) and gunfire, but I’ll be home. What are you folks’ plans for today and the coming days as people keep lighting them off? Stay safe. Just a tip that I found out accidentally: The national suicide hotline also offers advice on other mental health and addiction stuff so if you’re feeling overwhelmed, call them. 1 (800) 273-8255 http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org",4.486326530612242,7.1807060340136095,4.8805102040816335,78.77341836734695,73.6938775510204,6.9210884353741475,24.785714285714285,7.957251820313856,1.669579591836735,645,21,107,10,14,204,111,147,0.212,0.7559999999999999,0.032,-0.9834,0,0,0,5,0,2,25.0,0,2,2,1,11,3,0,1,9,0,9,3,0,2,0,28,18,14,1,1,8,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,2,0,6,9,0,2,4,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,4,9,2,15,12,3,19,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,6,7,72,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914321592363876,0.0,0.1516168931344939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481567963393271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768037471376134,0.13812195876093628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584318801646394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365337208776895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100062946381653,0.0,0.0,0.15748032913407706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024792407209571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15690332523974185,0.11084365698531214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012082119931135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817887323468443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16492383978019007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112687415969255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791000522287528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580150717775415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957248894416472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901064336311358,0.0,0.0,0.15636100824808516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490654058958915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985087441956785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513789140830568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756580871075502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18136935489577724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939706763489377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834685447939828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537591977159075,0.12390798277305913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776167870185904,0.16971575612765946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941399687219483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999155388891742 ptsd,onwardtomanagua,2019/07/04,"Do not want to do anything today (4th of July) My friends and family invited me to a few things which all involve large crowds and fireworks. I wish they would understand sometimes I avoid things for healthy reasons - like staying away from a situation that could cause a relapse - and not because I'm depressed. The lead up of fireworks this week has been terrible. I am shaking in the evenings wondering when the next blast will go off. Why would I subject myself to 30 minutes of that around thousands of strangers? Just wanted to vent. Thank you.",5.4969,7.644759490000002,4.743000000000002,83.32150000000003,69.1,7.4,35.5,8.07648339933343,2.8739,439,23,76,6,8,131,78,100,0.077,0.7709999999999999,0.152,0.8393,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,1,4,7,0,2,6,0,9,0,0,3,1,20,17,4,0,6,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,4,0,1,1,0,9,3,15,12,2,13,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,5,56,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640277463158317,0.17744178510656253,0.0,0.0,0.18727268990796408,0.0,0.0,0.12150685875937033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047619998075947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914504059569692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167859722249093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165248721504952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790616254392808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399823987316189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328116699046463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738027803869116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119847282266406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493961601726726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22404999957391367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19713782808811908,0.0,0.0,0.2124542591283464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835119650275397,0.0,0.0,0.2648457577594868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889370871562392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075046770452942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23513446407489835,0.0,0.15988674037254086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986008899019784,0.0,0.22921426922059135,0.0,0.21615979578682332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831899622626896,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sultry_Penguin,2019/07/04,"Yelling is the scariest thing.... People loud in public? Scary. But usually manageable. ""That person is happy/frustrated/ angry over there. It's got nothing to do with me."" A loved one shouting? Unmanageable. Terrifying. 0 to 100 fear. ""Oh no. I am the worst person to have ever lived. I cannot believe I had the audacity to be in the way or to even exist at all. I need to do everything I can to apologize and be good."" I'm so sick of being afraid and turning that into anger at myself for being scared at basically nothing. I'm really just venting here to get some of ny energy outwards instead of turning it in on myself.... Thanks for reading <3 [Note: Not yelling *at* me. Just yelling near me. Especially in an enclosed space, like a room.]",0.4061213434452853,2.632469915492962,2.8273239436619733,84.519707475623,103.3661971830986,5.56489707475623,23.067172264355364,7.010146845296331,1.5388734561213435,576,25,105,12,26,196,97,142,0.195,0.725,0.081,-0.9643,0,0,0,0,3,0,39.0,0,0,0,0,8,9,1,3,7,0,13,2,0,0,2,14,22,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,2,5,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,5,10,4,26,16,3,19,0,0,0,1,5,16,0,2,3,79,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186685621264878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819203299325987,0.1755619814372124,0.0,0.0,0.17443206433356082,0.0,0.0,0.21840081212891704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140197222212166,0.0,0.0,0.16279020523228924,0.15522837750716678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948206606597381,0.0,0.17138157465267495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517027524262496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439123776216634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724616787287158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315177586156634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345548581565155,0.33893697776800585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19413861399369675,0.0,0.1243365200995274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431403622489507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17868839680211634,0.0,0.0,0.12894217509681807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222198687446997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213758409555858,0.0,0.0,0.1540565055012453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,1etcetera1,2019/07/04,"Am I crazy? (CW: rape) I can’t tell if what I’m experiencing is normal or not. The symptoms I’ve experienced generally are frequent panic attacks (stress and anxiety induced), nightmares, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, and frequent suicidal thoughts. In therapy recently I’ve been realizing that there are periods of hours or even days where I have no memory of what occurred, or even of actions that I did during that time. I’ll give you an example - I opened my journal to an entry from January, and had no recollection of the day I described or of writing about it. I don’t know if this is a product of exhaustion, or if this is what people call “disassociation” in response to stress, but I feel like I’m losing my grip on reality a little by being fully unable to remember certain mundane events, when events of the assault plague me in a vivid and relentless way. Is this PTSD related or am I just going insane?",9.309429824561406,7.847343883040937,10.066717836257313,60.96042763157895,60.46198830409357,13.462280701754384,43.59722222222222,12.38480682065935,5.624455555555557,728,38,122,21,8,251,112,171,0.16899999999999998,0.79,0.042,-0.9587,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,1,7,10,3,3,8,0,15,4,0,1,1,29,23,15,1,4,12,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,8,0,0,2,5,8,0,0,5,5,13,2,17,17,0,21,0,1,1,1,5,7,0,9,12,86,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600772267165892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022600952439088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815419455227865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293177603142775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23485526671585666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989521204134128,0.1270121462742395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055093799094698,0.10104130673950464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508586848792446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770791491429463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868584849987807,0.17819079262409188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19889986490763306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17419499063671506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085965085072393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325616640280693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078252527949292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755447039625186,0.0,0.20139972277290716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4073122724957265,0.0,0.0,0.19447177248208092,0.0,0.0,0.1847903347400716,0.0,0.0,0.15539499311486174,0.0,0.2033166543369432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28228843377767604,0.10366990927058432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411202429823004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ILoveJPGR,2019/07/04,I had a panic attack after hearing an ambulance siren I was walking with my friends and an ambulance drove past us. It was so loud and it sent my head spinning. I started crying and hyperventilating. Just awful and embarrassing to lose control like that in front of my friends.,5.5397058823529415,7.58856174509804,6.272696078431372,72.7996323529412,68.80392156862746,8.237254901960785,34.318627450980394,8.841846274778883,3.1995450980392155,223,11,37,4,4,73,39,51,0.276,0.589,0.135,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,2,2,7,1,2,3,1,3,1,1,1,0,7,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,5,2,7,3,5,2,0,8,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30194169628529144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29767939570518004,0.0,0.0,0.29153994479705364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101095435309906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27238678464809546,0.0,0.2991358694605148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296657072452961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969254144209876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31140093918136263,0.0,0.0,0.2533634617867766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878582563671876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31925502802498645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mwhulett1978,2019/07/04,PTSD and Fireworks. Am I the only person in here that avoids 4th of July fireworks because it causes flashbacks/triggers?,6.024285714285713,9.100657380952386,5.362142857142857,75.32035714285716,70.42857142857143,4.2,34.3095238095238,3.1291,2.1001238095238093,99,5,12,0,2,30,20,21,0.086,0.914,0.0,-0.1779,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998086183794475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5052341315192914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740509120511363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4294378400744113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5749107073270522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lamplily,2019/07/04,Binge eating I eat my feelings. Sometimes it's worse than others. At the moment I'm going through a bad patch and I cant stop the feeling of needing to eat. Does anyone else go through this? I just want to feel less alone,0.32181159420289873,2.708983934782609,1.5086956521739123,97.90115942028986,90.08695652173913,3.066666666666667,20.71014492753623,3.1291,-0.5316115942028987,175,6,37,0,6,55,39,46,0.21100000000000002,0.72,0.07,-0.7571,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,8,9,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,3,1,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,7,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,21,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238758295679092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114359838851288,0.22148073253661912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048397442886027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916244742927427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6635547399317494,0.18057334609731104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278898888544687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456966067061157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602793712678733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378706055677169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18071884166585714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749634709299582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028477894811946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BrightLordsDarkAcct,2019/07/04,"Nightmares stopped when I could take control I posted a couple of days ago, goping to keep posting. I used to have nightmares when I was younger, now I can't even dream in my sleep (though try to get me to focus in the day lol). I was always attacked or chased and really frightened, but something changed in my twenties and I somehow stopped being afraid on my dreams, and I was able to take control and chase away the baddies. Now I just struggle staying asleep. Brain likes to wake up after 5 hours of sleep unless I'm heavily drugged or feel really safe, and lately I haven't been getting much sleep recently. If you struggle with dreams and the like, my thoughts are with you this weekend. I hope you get some sleep, and I hope you find some respite from the torment of what is suppose to be a refreshing experience. Fireworks really suck. I know we all think that right now but christ, but who are the idiots lighting them off so late...",5.498130755064459,6.4392050331491735,5.0262016574585635,85.89226749539596,67.7292817679558,7.580294659300183,32.21040515653775,7.492282038375204,2.015110128913444,745,31,144,7,12,226,115,181,0.10099999999999999,0.764,0.135,0.8906,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,1,4,1,2,10,11,3,3,7,1,13,8,7,3,1,37,28,18,0,4,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,10,0,6,5,4,0,0,2,6,0,0,5,2,24,5,22,20,4,27,1,0,0,0,7,8,1,8,18,97,28,0,0.11631318580374167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310462127897037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967818882437578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232304036845244,0.1092800668585583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984398243706075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230439280023016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609102563796643,0.09286661437421974,0.12869832777968884,0.0,0.15002476498726494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488636853982314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682376224759012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377661446656046,0.0,0.0,0.05881144156257005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630814463359088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18230651679824603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310504759811732,0.11454505850961175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338450381043313,0.0,0.0,0.06392268506513962,0.0,0.26241267966478155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364949475551492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550357473243614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227917601315429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22353961558565105,0.0,0.1148452388539055,0.0,0.0,0.09933082515194536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465588743181963,0.0,0.0,0.08954357297983906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397438010497558,0.0,0.19448606298325125,0.0,0.24319159220446585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749060807396748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452879294243925,0.1142771144978758,0.09233967721924022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896901816270338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045724751327267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,deeerlea,2019/07/04,"4th of July triggers? I’m brand new to this sub so I’m sorry if this post has already been made.. but does anyone else have triggers related to loud/sudden noises? This past year I’ve been more affected by noises like that, to the point where I have a panic attack if I hear something too loud or unexpected. I’ve been having a lot of trouble leading up to the 4th because of people setting off fireworks. How have you been dealing with the holiday? Any tips to make it easier?",2.588619883040934,4.7918081894736835,4.1771929824561465,83.91479532163747,77.63157894736842,6.32748538011696,25.292397660818715,7.3871296695380915,1.4102046783625726,378,14,70,5,9,126,67,95,0.159,0.741,0.1,-0.7382,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,4,4,1,1,5,0,9,0,0,7,0,13,14,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,2,3,1,12,9,2,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,4,4,44,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548032122457413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701949919743224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614502181767088,0.2365837056364017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626813833522423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075412153523925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380471264495428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020616071994859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288680721607676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602403873558405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280577598782092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963023994869432,0.0,0.21848258033287185,0.1541271319795877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230040641766259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709106774178659,0.0,0.0,0.22041958911888615,0.16007656012590826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827455143476868,0.0,0.2211377836689556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775762675306855,0.0,0.2584729567065119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869163315188494 ptsd,Williampram23,2019/07/04,"Here’s my story... I am 22M, with ptsd and it took a while for me to go and see the doctor and fully expressed how I felt. My family growing was not the most stable family and from a very young age I was bullied. Going to school and getting bullied and coming home to be shouted at by my mum was excruciating. When I first got hit by anyone I was 4 years old and the reason for that was because I was crying because I lost in a game with my cousin, I was crying and said I wanted to be with my grandfather who passed away so my grandma brought out a knife and told me I should do it myself before hitting me with the handle on the leg. My mum first shouted at my dad in front of me when I was 6 years old and it was devastating back then and from that point onwards it was listening to my mum fighting with my dad and coming home I would try to end the fight by shouting, my mum would throw books at me and shout at me some more. The bully at school was my friend up until a point he excluded me from the group, threatened me and embarrassed me. He was the popular guy in the school and I couldn’t understand why. I had multiple bullies up until that point. When I move schools I got into marijuana which triggered 2 types of ocds. The fear of harming and killing others and HOCD (i have mostly dealt with it) at that time it freaked me out. My first inappropriate sexual encounter was after the marijuana incident and it was when I went to get a massage to relax myself. The masseur touched me inappropriately and grind on me, having been through all that was mentioned I didn’t do anything about it and had my worst anxiety at that point. I told my dad but he never confronted the person. When I turned 17, I had my first girlfriend. I loved her dearly and was happy with her. I later found out that she was lying to me about being single and I was so angry that I physically harmed her. This would’ve been the end of it but I stayed with her for another 2 years. The thoughts of these still linger on to this day and even the minor thoughts of me saying something wrong in another language would make me physically cringe. I have hurt myself and others physically and emotionally. When I turned 19 I decided to work on my physical appearance as much as possible to combat my mental weakness. I was an absolute wreck. At that time I was going to my psychiatrist once every other week and would take bupropion. My last girlfriend had had enough of my bullshit at one point and she left me suddenly without any closure. This freaked me out even more considering she talked about suicide. I don’t know where she is now. To this day I blame myself and others for making myself this way. I hate the world and myself. Everytime I cringe at past thoughts I repeat to myself unknowingly “i hate myself”. I punched my mum when she was angry at me because she reminded me of how hopeless I was, even though wjat she said wasn’t serious but her tone was angry.",4.677739726027396,5.65180102054795,5.520780821917807,81.48552054794523,69.61643835616438,8.442739726027398,28.298630136986297,8.697196308434329,2.026222739726028,2332,80,460,38,40,763,257,584,0.192,0.7709999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.9983,0,0,1,0,4,4,41.0,0,0,0,6,23,25,6,2,25,0,49,4,1,6,2,77,87,50,2,7,5,9,2,0,3,5,2,8,2,2,30,44,0,0,9,3,0,14,7,19,0,5,47,11,101,6,78,29,10,90,0,3,1,1,44,35,0,5,39,354,131,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050412767360572715,0.15546916622142062,0.056711300487747016,0.0,0.0,0.05183529644953312,0.0,0.06100488256622215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696500970860026,0.057003458197041765,0.0,0.13557178860459326,0.0,0.06308145410713255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771748652951212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286254513847653,0.09561889690452174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587794352919368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338929171618298,0.13131910887442286,0.0765988796737133,0.0,0.14689181621700992,0.0,0.06245998373824064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977139401025074,0.08341987981570684,0.0,0.0,0.07117900237027393,0.0,0.0,0.2522288931717979,0.0,0.0812826618233186,0.05727472790352173,0.0,0.07746253554086523,0.0,0.12639393842389612,0.0,0.11858135937691885,0.0,0.0,0.07340301246236758,0.0,0.07891562080144714,0.0,0.1463813557818056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872225328462768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936057166351028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201683137441297,0.0,0.040741384488238594,0.060428031964388826,0.0,0.0,0.08054537827105622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092458196533157,0.0,0.06690764180583049,0.0,0.09896828467997436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747083094602043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879131123810493,0.05449605268838708,0.0,0.057175696174757935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557956317468322,0.07894888922279733,0.050234225369426434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076803533802857,0.0,0.06472980039519358,0.0,0.0,0.3503967417568449,0.08357346277265917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665714070257845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622074611832512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103431773839664,0.058953285928137526,0.0,0.3001049365817889,0.05907415130061557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570709620771514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901557766856637,0.05920245734737215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108912427157502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573855257710481,0.0595850434478493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283498581481643,0.17655921161361945,0.08645472860941722,0.0,0.0,0.14167391324107084,0.08236413981936062,0.05033122636113983,0.16127014530374498,0.0,0.0771747386610787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116722825139096,0.0437253778410789,0.05884307410979675,0.059464767634751524,0.0,0.0,0.06872174093859465,0.06689321687118889,0.0,0.0,0.0714612621186754,0.0,0.05396947699916777,0.0,0.0,0.2633086593548596,0.08105245260728361,0.0,0.14321705422950767 ptsd,mongrelteeth,2019/07/04,"having a really shitty night my dad’s an alcoholic. he has pulled a knife on me, told me he wanted to kill himself, and has threatened to hit my mom while i heard them fighting. tonight i saw him and he looked really dazed and confused. he smelled like vomit but i think it was the beer. seeing him like that just really reminds me of the time he pulled the knife on me. i’m feeling so awful. any kind words would help. i just feel really out of it, and i don’t have any friends to find comfort in.",2.034746494066884,3.7632413203883495,3.3082847896440164,91.7276267529666,77.54368932038834,6.519525350593313,22.124056094929887,7.3871296695380915,0.6644334412081987,388,11,85,5,9,126,69,103,0.14800000000000002,0.662,0.19,0.7947,0,0,2,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,3,9,2,1,6,1,7,3,0,0,0,16,18,7,1,2,3,2,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,5,2,0,4,1,0,2,1,4,0,0,4,7,15,5,9,12,0,10,0,0,3,0,16,4,0,1,6,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287094815798456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29106557456204235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164177628812297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955994465224816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534205973942595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434450598151119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23676815812358976,0.22285641278305454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20910701008240812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971283136970487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506435979606543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083202261522634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5483960516867218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705366784082388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712769327105262,0.0,0.0,0.12478979321013213,0.0,0.0,0.2044938272433333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622747064476406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520251520296874,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,the_acid_queen,2019/07/04,"4th of July tips I've survived quite a few 4th of July's with PTSD while living in a dense city with lots of fireworks in every direction. I've developed some personal best practices on minimizing the damage of the holiday and would love to hear anyone else's tips too! * It might sound silly, but write down your plans or options ahead of time. In the moment, you may not be able to think rationally, and having a written list is really helpful. Just fold it up and keep it in your wallet. * Don't commit to events that you can't duck away from. I just don't make plans for the day at all, but if you do have mandatory events, let yourself leave early if things get on top of you. * Giant malls are a godsend. There will definitely be no fireworks within earshot, plus there are movie theaters, department stores, food courts, a million things to distract you for a few hours. Plus, they're way less crowded than usual on the 4th. * A white noise machine is worth its weight in gold. Set it up in your most secure-feeling room along with pillows, blankets, your laptop, whatever you need to create a little firework-free fortress. * If there's a wilderness area within reasonable driving distance, keep that as a backup if you need to get completely away from people and noise. * Make a list of tools and meditations that you know are helpful to you. For me, it's square breathing (in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4) and find all the blue things in the room, then all the red things, then all the green things... * This is a really, really difficult day. It's okay if you struggle more than you expected to. It will pass. The 4th of July *sucks*, but we've gotten through it before and we'll get through it again. We can do this.",3.5782142857142856,5.462988011904763,4.015595238095237,87.64607142857143,73.64285714285714,6.942857142857143,24.79761904761905,7.7094869923839395,1.2099119047619051,1356,43,269,18,28,425,184,336,0.053,0.8340000000000001,0.11199999999999999,0.9594,0,0,0,0,0,0,57.0,2,15,0,7,7,9,1,2,22,1,23,4,1,3,5,53,39,22,0,9,12,0,1,0,0,6,0,2,3,1,20,15,2,4,4,2,2,3,5,5,0,1,2,8,19,4,57,28,12,45,0,1,5,1,24,26,1,12,14,181,39,1,0.1287031366545568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999222564584647,0.1318715729356198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418416670702813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095168898590974,0.0,0.1350660015664317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13494279010265747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600575159469658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751495584909787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10843794355223138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507617298911128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176323352483506,0.0,0.15562834371548856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20172623062780998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505778886874166,0.0,0.17253399910772785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267466643321236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287945228209833,0.0,0.0,0.07073187802754008,0.0,0.0,0.1362780384512758,0.0,0.13160767713357727,0.0,0.0,0.12899435445504556,0.11364722761674435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941880431598316,0.1161596057366814,0.0,0.17182068622630292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653368920245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086349007566164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922654972007862,0.11237861461535698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044707938581778,0.0,0.0,0.13689162821435422,0.0,0.0,0.2473515749192181,0.1323282599580247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454846287824634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275232256537523,0.08246777316335323,0.0,0.0,0.07504783398648017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174832198280707,0.0,0.0,0.1021585592384857,0.0,0.15672574761836258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142701560600903,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lwizzles,2019/07/04,Feeling lonely and broken :( Still trying to divorce my abuser. Every single day is filled with stress and anxiety because of this. Feel like I’m cracking. I’m so tired. Just needing kind words from strangers right now :(,2.490329670329668,5.27260535897436,2.316190476190478,88.38000000000002,97.97435897435898,3.2542124542124533,23.52014652014652,5.288315135182226,0.6167992673992675,175,7,27,1,7,52,36,39,0.396,0.47700000000000004,0.126,-0.9417,0,2,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,6,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,2,4,6,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,14,2,0,0.0,0.35163533001460023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270356034848645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091410692781013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19139830841972613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25004963701599714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30012139480457106,0.2120194259034433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090503134084219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499153556953456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22005833405554054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534481811670462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370085946900768,0.0,0.3399600617389373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411045249196352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014938866285319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Wandersii2,2019/07/04,"Fourth of July Triggers Hey all. I guess many here are probably veterans or civilians of war or are for other valid reasons triggered by explosive sounds. I was waiting for the bus with my partner. A firework went off right down the block, and before I could even rationalize anything I was hunched on the ground, leaning against a wall covering my head like I did in the war. I come to reality right away, but not after my body tries to ""rescue"" me or startle. Some things get better with therapy but there are always scars. I thought the EMDR would get rid of this but it hasn't. I'm learning to accept that maybe fireworks just won't be something I can ever be comfortable around or enjoy again. Maybe that's ok. Please take care of yourselves on the fourth and try not to let the frustration, shame, and bitterness take over. Dogs need thunder vests today? Well you know we need safety and comfort in our own way and that's ok. Put the earplugs/buds in, listen to shows or music and hunker down for the day. That's my plan anyway. Feel free to vent or just talk on this thread if you relate to this.",3.72860332294912,5.697041247663552,3.9345171339563865,88.02946002076844,73.43925233644859,6.6247144340602295,25.907580477673932,7.3871296695380915,1.2375885773624091,873,30,170,10,18,270,142,214,0.08900000000000001,0.727,0.184,0.975,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,2,2,0,2,10,17,4,2,11,2,14,2,2,3,2,43,30,16,2,5,14,0,1,1,1,2,0,3,0,1,10,11,0,2,6,1,1,3,4,6,1,0,5,5,17,12,31,19,3,25,0,0,0,0,8,16,0,9,6,113,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976622642453448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833685901070474,0.1388321297421297,0.0,0.0,0.1465239225746412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270537277322475,0.0,0.0,0.13792864507041025,0.0,0.173229743642485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900550317327106,0.0,0.0,0.13434056728284768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451658390682604,0.0,0.0,0.10057743228563558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300615029846116,0.1410693271988905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07885503145940091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295906301480415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180092030718006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16005380315620002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570824329171038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594735376095853,0.0,0.07619124991823714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811288439997767,0.31335352186567456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23127583911373606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17119066676600478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814479593349016,0.0,0.0,0.15677685107837608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603466925398915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663677384582244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006101324348845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345160079861993,0.12534992280023505,0.0,0.0,0.17834699768644746,0.0,0.10360891201820377,0.0,0.0,0.12381006074009104,0.0,0.0,0.14782616271258955,0.0,0.0,0.2117650663234602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378903110890935,0.0,0.0,0.14022138095230566,0.14457092624074475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107852515091398,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,coolcat411,2019/07/04,"I’m having a panic attack and I need some help with distractions Long story short, I was watching an episode of Law and Order SVU and I’m now incredibly triggered by a scene. I can’t get the sounds out of my head and I’m having a hard time distracting myself. I know there aren’t many of you online right now and that’s okay, I just need to talk to somebody because my bf’s pretty busy. Can you tell me about your day? What do you have planned for the 4th? Do you have any pets? Literally anything you can type out for me to read would be excellent, I just need a couple minutes away from my own thoughts.",2.7007142857142874,4.110435103174607,3.7462222222222223,90.64600000000004,74.95238095238095,6.627301587301588,23.711111111111112,7.1686216300943375,0.7156882539682545,477,14,105,5,10,154,85,126,0.10099999999999999,0.8059999999999999,0.09300000000000001,0.2593,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,6,0,2,6,6,1,3,7,1,13,1,1,1,0,19,22,5,0,4,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,8,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,3,18,2,15,18,2,11,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,1,5,67,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500343188668466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546978269764035,0.0,0.0,0.2425794393276211,0.20033621714268093,0.0,0.0,0.1299827778022805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359344835810052,0.0,0.13751544430407986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140365907441163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910118284105141,0.0,0.2188350741653008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429232982408116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171854052041158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870147555661715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618133466276476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743211133418425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25017897879640866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169311485550888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21328729109091554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209690320155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713858659505497,0.18637205850548488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692804750039373,0.12433588758908215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514721815561243,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ihateyouindinosaur,2019/07/04,"Seeking treatment for PTSD for the first time. I have been thinking a lot about seeking treatment for my PTSD symptoms, but I have never been officially diagnosed with PTSD and I’m afraid that if I reach out to a professional and they laugh it off that I will just feel so much worse. PTSD runs in the family and my childhood was pretty traumatic (my sister is convinced that she has CPTSD), I also sometimes experience depersonalization. It’s not as bad as it was in high school but it happens often enough that it has impacted my life. So for those of you who have sought treatment, how did you do it? What did you say? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.",5.409484444444447,6.905402464000003,5.780266666666666,78.35857777777778,68.36,8.435555555555556,29.88888888888889,8.841846274778883,2.3519422222222217,528,20,98,9,9,169,84,125,0.068,0.768,0.163,0.9233,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,1,1,7,5,0,1,4,0,16,3,0,1,1,17,20,12,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,13,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,6,2,14,3,14,11,3,10,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,3,4,79,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068624792684576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331678800708873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048639270275852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875379962199507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565136933550582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15933383047686353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084098512527075,0.14536969531152796,0.0,0.07797011559473538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116574249255575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17001032330543772,0.0,0.0,0.13636198279473485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292486676766282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10891876157478893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109862533223082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133575955379082,0.0,0.11893153947565965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688078437942127,0.0,0.0,0.7210243400493328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262911554503382,0.0,0.15606256023024487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525115813955634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602768760793086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880762053206413,0.0,0.0,0.08991752314690445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157146928851797,0.10954201281127847,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,starsonthatgirl,2019/07/04,"Too hot for my weighted blanket 😟 I shake in bed w/o it but im dying of heat with it. I end up just clutching it into me and waking up a lot. Anyone have luck with cbd oil?",-2.0047500000000014,-0.24270197499999924,1.3949999999999996,99.31,93.75,3.2,15.5,3.1291,-1.2624,131,3,33,0,5,47,34,40,0.035,0.86,0.10400000000000001,0.5647,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,8,1,2,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,8,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29228540306161177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4338329738915511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702367044859264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515273072092569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553809131010513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5090289520457016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anonreddit2430,2019/07/04,"Happy 4th everyone! Everyone remember what this day is about! To everyone that struggles with loud noises, hang in there! It WILL end!",3.3567391304347822,6.4076715217391325,4.095978260869568,75.93788043478263,94.65217391304348,9.256521739130434,27.48913043478261,8.841846274778883,3.9964,107,5,16,4,4,34,21,23,0.08800000000000001,0.74,0.172,0.5216,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937017490552049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463397120211751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7972924417746141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960734575314667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31506590200593826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907607849475378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BluMadchen,2019/07/04,"Have you ever noticed... That you feel better in the woods than in regular society? Like, I feel happy and at ease with taking a bath on an ice cold creek, chopping wood, and hiking for miles, but can't relax on the couch without itching to do something else or Is this because I'm hardwired to thrive in survival mode? I talk about this with a vet friend of mine and I wonder if it's a PTSD symptom. Survival is more appealing than most of the ""comfort"" of society.",4.923079710144929,5.5972605108695666,5.524782608695656,82.76297101449278,68.8913043478261,7.872463768115942,31.63768115942029,7.793537801064563,2.15666811594203,365,15,70,4,6,118,69,92,0.034,0.8320000000000001,0.135,0.8101,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,3,2,6,0,0,7,0,5,2,1,0,1,14,10,6,0,1,4,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,4,5,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,6,6,18,10,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,4,2,49,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670673205695191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423879892157451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289459214644129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479072461148435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771507326158592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117417368099572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917470099217521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338941874915706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120245208169921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203670126597066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109884249819054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28485820040108417,0.20606257527455826,0.22028285509792173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26418862750650496,0.2972115176516653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,vizurant,2019/07/04,"Hey all Recently diagnosed with severe PTSD. On meds. Feeling pretty okay today. If any of you want to talk, I’d love that. Just trying to find my place and maybe make some new friends? Hope you’re all doing okay today too :)",0.9696212121212148,3.5503379318181807,2.02,93.64166666666668,90.13636363636364,4.751515151515153,16.424242424242426,6.42735559955562,-0.19136666666666624,175,4,35,2,6,55,39,44,0.044000000000000004,0.563,0.392,0.9545,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,2,12,6,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,5,6,3,6,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,3,4,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544092996529068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23046218525353346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480888885338285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20752968533277896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17542680329646398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22552285500621305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493146188093864,0.0,0.15156501344177292,0.0,0.22811334291467936,0.0,0.25221363831665844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929697614159627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372304688437033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310027168699573,0.0,0.0,0.26542221556901524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419539315135345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565143551411472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825030703584433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304546500176038,0.0,0.0,0.15415954766993442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339264897165729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SumAngrySalmon,2019/06/27,I may have to re-live it When I was 11 I experienced anesthesia awareness during a surgery on my mouth. I was “under” but I wasnt. I could smell and feel everything and I was hallucinating from the ketamine they gave me. Thought the doctors had killed me and I was in hell. Now I’m 19 and may have to have a surgery again...has anyone ever been in a position like that and if so what gave you the strength to do it?,-0.3725862068965533,1.8803990114942521,1.7501436781609208,95.42797413793107,93.36781609195404,5.198850574712644,21.04310344827585,6.816661863887847,0.4192689655172415,322,12,75,5,12,107,57,87,0.14300000000000002,0.7709999999999999,0.086,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,1,4,4,2,0,6,0,14,2,1,0,1,13,19,9,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,10,3,13,2,8,6,0,7,1,0,0,0,4,4,1,3,4,56,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819863741851146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219904000243285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127794696274554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647945331516884,0.0,0.0,0.36244671513919857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20391310399699766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44617529917938703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19702476786453071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201633849397058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,arcticfox_12,2019/06/27,"Night sweats and cooling bed sheets, anyone have experience? I bought some arctic air sheex bedsheets and they were awesome. Unfortunately, they were washed with a tub of Vaseline, so the whole sweat wicking material doesn't work anymore. &#x200B; They also don't sell the exact same ones I had before. Amazon has them at much higher price and I paid roughly $300 for mine originally. I can't afford to do it again. I was looking at wicked sheets ( [https://wickedsheets.com/](https://wickedsheets.com/) ) but I live in Canada. I could send them to a PO box in the US to get around them not shipping to Canada, but does anyone have any recommendations on other brands or experience with wicked sheets?",6.768677685950411,9.403844090909091,5.902553719008268,74.29564876033061,66.76859504132231,7.1540495867768605,26.149586776859504,7.908726449838941,1.6305166942148763,569,17,91,7,10,172,87,121,0.12300000000000001,0.845,0.032,-0.9179,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,6,1,4,1,0,0,5,1,12,3,2,1,1,15,16,8,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,4,0,0,1,6,3,15,1,14,9,4,11,0,0,1,0,8,7,0,2,3,63,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713677727960262,0.0,0.2321833113834126,0.26038601370450604,0.1457246650012429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21251826872602367,0.2996733409345023,0.0,0.0,0.1907636848657619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234515280235425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109326506106934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752677323046346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4192338137414064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195777015276333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892221474879452,0.0,0.17994977377300828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752793265850726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20109680961866988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452085661395725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25776469156445697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23924732383201155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600579709787746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26038601370450604,0.0 ptsd,EnterStatusHere,2019/06/27,"EFT/Tapping elicits strong emotional responses and ideas, and EMDR does not. Therapist believes EMDR is better for me, how can I help EMDR work? Any tips? My therapist has used EMDR with me approximately 15 times over the last three years, and I have not had any emotional response, improvement in my perspective or really any kind of reaction. My therapist is great, thorough, caring, and effective in our talks. I tried EFT (""tapping"") on my own recently and I've had a very strong reaction to it - crying, realizing things, making connections and occasional relief. My therapist supports this and often has brought out the lighted tappers in our sessions to see if any of what I'm describing about EFT will ""catch"" with EMDR but to no avail. Today he said for the first time that he thought I was dealing with PTSD from recent medical trauma, and said that he thought EMDR would be pretty effective. I want it to work - any tips for how to approach it to make it more successful? Thank you!",6.736545623836125,8.067326597765366,7.037555865921784,71.17503026070766,65.14525139664804,10.882867783985105,35.028398510242084,10.864195022040775,4.249178398510241,787,36,129,22,12,255,112,179,0.042,0.7440000000000001,0.213,0.9824,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,2,1,0,9,4,11,0,0,4,0,12,1,0,8,0,32,26,13,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,9,12,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,8,4,15,10,22,15,2,17,0,0,1,0,11,6,0,3,8,83,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38806507471999335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858658902862727,0.0,0.1009396223471594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636419275515104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536757860605013,0.0,0.11766408170283114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987683452908724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25676409699338704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707979684508138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582986482918898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764996244425323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884004216150724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884990605105232,0.0,0.09303202330361532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236669915201226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149750067526514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161122895889954,0.0,0.0,0.133413067928771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311526108649945,0.0,0.2253812489033471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171294928515998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909476552815574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951454170549198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173419968159828,0.0,0.10507651955239508,0.0,0.5300596955424777,0.07582358577929041,0.0,0.0,0.1812145804448956,0.13310144423434048,0.0,0.1081828725977939,0.0,0.0,0.07748747843531491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857256657690387,0.0,0.09417005351844764,0.06731743924190499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617750003274626,0.0,0.0,0.08107540999376238,0.0,0.0,0.07349664216769795 ptsd,Wolf_Craft,2019/06/27,"All these showers and my insides still aren't clean. It would be nice if 8 years ago would have been washed away by now. Wished away if it could. Where's the meds that make your soul feel clean? It's the dreams. They seem so real that when I'm in them I am unable to breathe and frozen in the perpetual path. I repeat the same move over and over again, but in real time. I wake up terrified at all of the things I now can't change, that got fucked up because the past infiltrated. The message is the same through it all. I'm made of broken things, ugly pieces, subpar materials. I will inevitably destroy all progress I have made. I know it's not real but it feels like shit.",1.5535714285714306,3.737016717391306,2.1919668737060043,96.90391304347828,81.10144927536231,5.102277432712215,19.277432712215322,6.1826913282559595,-0.28768281573498955,529,13,120,4,14,163,90,138,0.214,0.7170000000000001,0.069,-0.9786,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,2,1,7,5,3,0,8,0,12,5,3,3,4,28,24,9,0,6,5,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,12,3,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,2,11,2,15,15,7,22,1,0,0,1,4,11,2,3,11,80,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450342950173545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30744223216526306,0.0,0.0,0.09973782055122156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17308234231029362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306327861868655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545671494011752,0.11688616113595075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512588777557753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085738335373345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991819618787393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993373209890536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096318054935566,0.10921388349971647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173871585962864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389621562450874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561884596040727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5586870260345231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14894840621454716,0.0,0.0,0.16794783195579546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066267240137666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21739627648081966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540487327713623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814848712842488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324539530233323,0.0,0.0,0.1053623102685336 ptsd,chubbyfalcon,2019/06/27,"Discovering my triggers Right now there are many things I don't understand yet, patterns I don't recognize yet. I'm trying to find out why I react the way I do and I have started making a list of things that might be triggers. I talked to a friend about this and said I get triggered from any mention of dead babies, seeing infant coffins etc, and he said ""come on, nobody likes seeing dead babies"". I don't know, I think I do have a bigger problem with it than most people, but how can I know for sure whether something is a trigger or not? And a question for those who have been through this phase of finding out what triggers you, how long did it take until you knew all your triggers?",5.7662226277372275,5.7333638978102215,5.644954379562044,85.09254105839416,66.95620437956204,7.725912408759125,30.99361313868613,6.6274283507984215,1.6091029197080289,542,19,109,3,8,169,92,137,0.06,0.885,0.055,-0.1431,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,0,7,4,0,0,6,0,15,0,0,10,2,35,30,10,3,1,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,10,8,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,4,15,3,16,23,3,13,0,0,2,0,12,5,0,4,7,79,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254459625405548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589046175184319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573287278606486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3372045749942473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252110620542674,0.0,0.09637798955027828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027598348571935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012275049440366,0.0,0.0,0.1632501929507542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313519354996567,0.18702368114476756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19569357584675834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788830857195818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765129285555541,0.0,0.0,0.2066486785551709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753641828025122,0.3509465293464624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.293997499409955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201406004311096,0.0,0.0,0.13056885375919586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386084288256845,0.0,0.13869852310707986,0.14827004188986698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451074142197048,0.11820096209753875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524305780637873,0.0,0.0,0.19203983201141211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642374257600754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645553135024405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tarentin,2019/06/27,"Memories; and the lack thereof I recently watched a tv-show called ‘Mad men’. I can recommend this series to anyone with PTSD. To not spoil to much, it’s about a man that feels disconnected from everyday reality, because of his past and how his history keeps coming back. It’s brilliantly subtle and equally aesthetically nice to watch. You keep hearing the main character talking about forgetting the past and moving on, even though this proves to be a bad method. The story is very 60’s like with lots of suave, but personally I have never related better to a character. Accepting the past and acknowledging what happened is the only way forward, is one of the messages. You have to go back to go forward and it’s depicted so nicely it got me into tears and reminiscing. Never try to bury down memories.",5.263355855855856,7.4252536689189235,6.282162162162162,71.98963963963965,69.74324324324324,10.06846846846847,31.92792792792793,10.317481424215053,3.8264576576576577,645,29,108,19,12,214,99,148,0.061,0.8170000000000001,0.121,0.8478,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,1,8,7,1,0,11,0,7,0,0,1,3,25,16,11,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,8,11,0,2,4,0,0,6,3,2,0,1,1,4,8,5,20,14,5,19,0,0,2,0,11,5,0,1,12,77,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808480306277107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597165482268679,0.14100772248146998,0.1029476634312771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936061133022804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724453333035556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547514220539773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115436287472968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539078810806919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195675983249466,0.0,0.1350687410707889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493400014865131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19034000224303774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30021655732217634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250622385214328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357571297174718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17949268370959465,0.12414621098331825,0.0,0.2605012910207418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443743966111745,0.12844082871315612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4836451272637949,0.0,0.14745947752803412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197411649874706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674859849781054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573932441721992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659237150190889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114658415401355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934366342427132,0.0,0.13404906104141667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,isopodsarenice,2019/06/27,"Obsessions & Violence So my ptsd kinda comes around in circles, sometimes I’ll feel perfectly fine and I don’t have any blips, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, daymares or like blank outs. Then a week later I can’t leave the house. When I’m bad I’m very irritable, irrational, obsessive over random things, and I’m obsessed with gore and violence. I feel kind of comforting I guess to watch real nasty shit, cut myself it’s like a weird warm feeling I get idk how to put it across. Can anyone relate to this?",4.395077319587628,6.430135350515464,4.831533505154642,82.01884664948456,71.78350515463917,8.561340206185568,28.619845360824733,9.188382445141503,2.5586917525773196,407,16,75,9,8,129,77,97,0.32,0.535,0.145,-0.9603,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,4,14,2,3,3,0,4,1,1,1,1,18,14,8,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,1,5,7,7,10,13,0,11,0,0,1,0,0,5,1,4,6,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23793690901875586,0.0,0.14933578193710995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354968458420662,0.0,0.0,0.19549088717678648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833571361376411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891662739074668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3331096357950725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473212959216984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24191456538930586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533893427334357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286799922164129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325250839144413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21457129656211746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567010807935677,0.2207590257602608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499532975647268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254166239414533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171903809799189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589272791162733,0.0,0.0,0.17433816408672012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18119330356363475,0.0,0.0,0.17615017062898414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,3177days,2019/06/27,"Is this PTSD? Tw: Rape Tw: Rape Someone close to me raped me as a child continually, forcing me to stay with him and threatening to cut off financial support to my family if I didn’t stay with him. I like to think I’m better now but I think it’s not the case. Whenever I remember what happened to me I start to cry and hyperventilate until my chest hurts. Thinking about it makes me want to not exist. I don’t want to die, but I get an awful feeling of dread and it makes me wish I wasn’t born. I get very anxious whenever I see strangers, men, in public whilst alone. My heart starts to speed up and I have the urge to get away from them as quickly as possible. It’s like this irrational fear of them. I know not all men rape and that not all men are dangerous but being around men I don’t know makes me so scared because of what happened. I really don’t know if this is PTSD or something else because I haven’t been to a therapist or counselor or anything like that. I would like to go, but I’m just not insured.",2.0991719077568116,3.708774556603775,3.642012578616352,89.92866876310273,77.01886792452831,7.163941299790356,24.513626834381558,7.984000788550335,1.1870746331236894,794,27,178,13,18,263,111,212,0.233,0.648,0.11800000000000001,-0.986,0,1,1,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,2,1,6,16,6,3,5,1,13,6,2,3,2,41,38,19,1,6,15,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,5,11,9,0,0,8,0,0,1,11,10,0,0,3,2,30,6,29,33,2,18,0,1,1,4,10,6,0,5,13,113,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424156150796987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642752354558927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666171282650204,0.11538440996449467,0.0,0.0,0.12177711588348444,0.0,0.0,0.15802362669164355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463351717078805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237547298690878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345194167658858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827630652941546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218904177954926,0.1458523791971172,0.06553699993347856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20315472401008836,0.0,0.07366292333812154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22923539843901325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359383997429246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875503317839702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21369826494074912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25329244556291963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595561121195836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612090559304478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30302489463694066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303438572793266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468279935965951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976675415504688,0.0,0.10328599771757234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982196912000247,0.09978359619326248,0.0,0.0,0.18348366034982252,0.2763036825767538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470850305879024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504924572670081,0.0,0.2491552681758868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694556008792899,0.15290001384570387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905031074601505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920744420034001,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,johnlennon234,2019/06/27,"Losing sleep over my PTSD nightmares/night terrors I just recently discovered that I have PTSD. My psychologist diagnosed me in November, but never told me about it until June when my therapist brought it up. I first didn't understand because I originally only thought cops, soldiers, child abuse victims, etc could only get PSTD. I was told it was because of my father having a heart attack, finding him on the floor covered in puke, my grandmother dying of cancer in 2017, being kicked out of my house, and my family, and I being forced to live with my mentally abusive grandfather. Every night I have the same damn nightmares. It's either me sitting in the room I had to stay in at my grandfather's with him standing in the room, and screaming at me for being so stupid, and worthless. Another dream is my father dying, I have to save him, but always fail. The last dream is my grandmother in her coffin, and she begins telling me that she is alive, and that I need to tell everyone before she is buried, it once again fails, and she is buried, screaming for me to help her. These dreams always break my heart, and I've decided to stop going to sleep early, and I've been now going to sleep at like 2am, and 3am. Sleep just isn't enjoyable for me anymore. I don't know how to stop them.",7.403067655236327,6.6933874779116485,7.423775100401606,75.95288229842448,63.77911646586346,10.553104726598702,33.61167747914736,9.851270322608157,3.106318257645968,1018,36,190,18,13,328,136,249,0.248,0.674,0.077,-0.9951,0,0,0,0,1,0,33.0,0,0,1,4,8,14,4,1,6,0,20,8,6,2,1,32,31,16,3,2,5,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,1,9,13,0,2,5,3,0,3,4,11,0,1,9,2,40,3,33,18,3,39,0,4,0,0,18,17,1,0,16,132,49,2,0.0,0.26048435464713404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293144574208464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526508627408273,0.0,0.0,0.10901524817995276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505462291985436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401751862560718,0.0,0.09353738013359728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776551241623651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157072792199783,0.2281678862757205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259451686436218,0.0,0.0,0.09261586190039224,0.10503726384729896,0.0,0.0,0.10362673307384478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046870827215808,0.09350145060550907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05743084663752975,0.0,0.12494488839630492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605213630452868,0.07367986016254041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683774400280606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041145407925101,0.08960287736834381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05370340143375102,0.0,0.09706506406814136,0.0,0.0,0.12297703892030132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077771811108944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815073859739874,0.08478030354878421,0.0,0.0,0.2063127912738497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706566322673087,0.0,0.1672045831894437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25699096591596193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853686553018346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400142601940295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716454906553578,0.0,0.1838030716481033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921571553121044,0.0,0.0,0.12763044436481846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726751957209586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007452769459795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114434947149326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mickeymochi,2019/06/27,"DAE act first, get triggered later? Hey guys! Obligatory I’m on mobile, first time poster, so on, so forth. So I’ve had this diagnosis for.... a year now? But anyways, I had a really bad episode this weekend, and it’s because I put myself into a situation I knew would be stressful. Long story short, I was helping with a girl who was tripping off of something and waited with her until EMS and the police came. However, being around people on drugs is a trigger for me, and the flashing lights/stress of law enforcement and EMS is another trigger. Even though I was panicking, I stayed to help then had a flashback/panic episode when I got home. I don’t think I wanted to do it any differently because I feel obligated to help, but has anyone else had something similar happen?",3.7069698544698535,5.8745630337837875,4.955405405405403,79.81204781704784,74.06756756756756,7.526819126819128,28.95218295218295,8.384062270229773,2.336886070686071,611,26,109,11,13,202,101,148,0.055,0.905,0.04,-0.46399999999999997,2,0,3,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,1,8,0,15,1,0,3,0,22,25,14,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,5,10,0,1,3,1,0,4,1,2,0,2,10,1,13,0,16,12,0,23,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,11,75,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102459875094346,0.17119573772274724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415745039909347,0.1672824784408837,0.0,0.14533889351052548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631798222596622,0.19904750614880345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18672964771768988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705753324059878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933352066290088,0.0,0.13638548387285718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783382734936338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825507974366914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777432496167109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529830216562778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057652389918584,0.0,0.0,0.16165627146504422,0.14437314006642082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32829571616790104,0.0,0.16376633698922566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448282592205478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131861708147702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412464539814012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459060932700896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835147172891128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513760301880028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401688629748988,0.0,0.0,0.3740349695689029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461248909953698,0.16040530005589415,0.0,0.09520010561341673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629688636843024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597751832757165,0.0,0.0,0.10513617093857393 ptsd,imahumantoo2,2019/06/27,"im giving up Wrote the first ~100 words and then accidentally clicked it away. This showed me again what an idiot I am. But I need to get this off my chest before I do anything further. Now here we go again, what brings me close to suicide: Around 2 months ago my girlfriend I was together with for like half a year broke up with me. But it wasn't the ""cool way"". I caught her cheating, and then she broke up with me. I told her if she is sorry and wont do it again we can still be together and that I really love her and would forgive her. That time I was so attached to her, I dont understand it anymore today but thats how things used to be. She just refused and left. Out of nothing... I suffer from PTSD and paranoia, she was there for me in my baddest times. I was dumb for even staying with her. She was never serious, a total fraud. I dont know why she even stayed with me one second... It took me some time and I'm not done processing it yet, but it gets better. Back then I also had an reddit account and gained a lot of support and help which I'm very thankful for. Smoking weed also helps me a lot. It helps me calm down, I'm full with high tense energy all the time and its hard for me to get clear thoughts and I'm very shaky. I usually get the weed from a ""friend"" who was out of town for 3 weeks. The PTSD got worse, and I know weed would be my savior. Without searching for it I found a profile on twitter, yes twitter, from a guy I've known for a long time, not actually in real life but have seen his profile couple of times. It was his personal page where he has real life stuff etc and makes let's plays. And he had a post where he said he is selling weed, you just needed to dm him. The dumb addict I am I would give it a try. I would never buy it that way usually, but I was in a dark hole and didnt had anything on me and my dealer wasnt available ,so I thought okay this guy seems cool whatever cant be that bad and I mean its just weed not heroin or meth. A virtual friend showed me his profile some time ago so he must be cool. I wrote him a dm. He answered pretty fast and I bought weed worth 50$ from him. I let him convince me to pay with a amazon gift card. I'm an idiot I know. But my post traumatic stress was so bad I just said fuck it, he has a lot of real life stuff on his page why would he scam someone over 50$? So I paid, send him the code and gave him my adress. All of that with my REAL LIFE twitter account I wasnt even active anymore at that time but still had a lot of old posts. Couple days later a friend of mine offered me to go watch a movie, I refused and stayed home just to receive my package. It never came and I wasted much time waiting for it... After I didnt receive it after 1 week I asked him a couple of times what happened still fully in trust and believing he was legit. After asking and asking over and over he finally blocked me and I realized I got scammed. I did some research on him and found out he was scamming people on the regular. Sometimes even doxing them, threatening them and stuff like that, when they wanted to go to the police. dont know if you can even call this a person, he is a monster in my opinion. he also is into cyber bullying. His followers/friends are terrorizing people online. it seems like they do it just for fun Or because their lifes are bad they thing they need to make others bad as well.... I was shocked I couldnt believe what I got myself into. This person has my adress, knows how I look, knows a lot probably since I contacted him with my main twitter. I dont want to and cant go to the police because then I will get fucked for ""buying"" weed. I could seriously lose my job here. I wish so bad I could go back in time... I dont know what that guy is going to do with my infos, but I know I'm in real trouble. I know there is no reason but if he wanted to he could fuck my life up. Just because I was stupid, didnt pay enough attention for one single moment. I felt so bad I needed the weed, but all for what? I fucking have paranoia but still trusted him. I feel worthless. I just didnt wanted any problems. I was always nice to everybody. Helped others. Went to the shop buying 50$ worth of amazon without even questioning it. I dont wanted to get PTSD, I didnt ask for it. I didnt want to get a whore as a girlfriend who leaves me back in the dirt. Tbh atm I dont even want to life anymore. As if thats not enough I'm also now wasting peoples time on reddit with this long ass Text.When I think of this bastard having a good time with the money I had to work hard for I'm so full of hate. if they or he would read this he'd probably laugh at me for being a pussy and crying on reddit for help. Wants to see me suffer or whatsoever... My reaction seems a bit harsh, I know, but it's really boiling over right now. I'm not a bad person I always tried to get everything right to be a good person and what do I get? Finger up my butthole, every single fucking time. I finna need to stand up for myself, do something bout it.. I can't life in peace anyway. Other people dont want me to. The state making weed illegal dont want me to. My ex gf dont want me to. My boss who is paying me minimum wage dont want me to. Why scum like that even has to exist? My ankles are bleeding, because I punched the fucking wall. Is this what they want? That I become an total asshole like they all are? Okay they can get it.... I just cant go on with my life like this, I've been at this point thousand times , where I was 100% it wont happen again,but it happened again and again. People shitting on me. In real life and since recently even online. In a world fucked up like this with PTSD and paranoia I simply cant survive being the person I am right now. Dont know if hate/revenge is the answer. I dont want to go to jail, but I mean my life gets more fucked up everyday. Before I die by cancer (yes I have cancer, its no joke. I'm psychologically and physically very ill), something needs to change. I just want to be happy. But I'm miles away. I wish no human being has to experience this feelings. Where my life is so bad now I realized that there were always people like me before, right now there are so many humans crying, at the edge of suicide, (every half minute someone kills himself!!), feeling helpless and being treated not fair, it really makes me sad. I dont see any of it but I know for a fact its there ...",1.7505859649122826,3.24710190888889,3.42442105263158,91.60326315789476,77.68888888888887,6.040545808966862,21.5458089668616,6.678205002080027,0.3104148148148149,4947,131,1108,44,114,1647,445,1350,0.179,0.688,0.134,-0.997,5,0,3,0,1,3,173.0,2,2,11,6,69,78,18,3,54,7,116,32,4,9,12,218,243,86,4,41,44,1,7,8,6,10,17,2,1,11,77,60,1,4,37,6,17,16,45,43,1,7,54,18,178,35,142,161,27,156,0,8,6,11,109,65,13,24,73,743,255,9,0.0,0.0,0.02721273235419989,0.030399877306616595,0.0,0.0,0.049438547352007166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920175864368529,0.06961020619739577,0.0,0.0,0.03792689892557847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296631422424694,0.0,0.0,0.045895635891344315,0.024824469469574516,0.10427865531373903,0.0,0.05239966640679848,0.0643278829145915,0.18626929137464104,0.06799623445637516,0.030797917563969768,0.07118684589027946,0.06283598915455793,0.0,0.02466291804995006,0.030444310798697694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02847474367896605,0.03189417730427743,0.0,0.0,0.029499710999663423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679415221949253,0.09256605028660396,0.061262965828179534,0.01798417557766018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028941285530664607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028537079693086838,0.4575508991807794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057627424942149966,0.031100282997563383,0.16576607549066,0.0,0.046990348162997866,0.0,0.02506215616017694,0.027277877907318396,0.0,0.0,0.042300027910445716,0.0,0.026774951761844933,0.03054777122454172,0.0,0.023719833879123096,0.0,0.06115116191351965,0.08617867774050322,0.2062414048882868,0.16026223617425586,0.05350162167222,0.12678613979198775,0.046778940104464685,0.06690899151665325,0.0,0.0,0.08283463039971364,0.07397854465320906,0.02968518621858653,0.04996079206854105,0.05506334184768123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345705504966284,0.02946311057345294,0.027971951172441428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03012168624624158,0.0,0.027672571398024426,0.0,0.030851748838592583,0.0,0.1839051239367632,0.0,0.0,0.02952726814996894,0.030298241700950437,0.0570306883996875,0.23636064250728606,0.10898960411870924,0.0,0.0,0.04935649934227891,0.023417233045316614,0.031197322771419494,0.0,0.11853848251720148,0.025168221275858497,0.0,0.07445653802435141,0.02827204681527347,0.0,0.06075210044570206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02225835465857803,0.0,0.02049943288544729,0.12406278037641295,0.06452225190227069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026757387730418348,0.0,0.029261686455377463,0.0,0.03779257691933463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159959281607916,0.14609397929906578,0.0,0.0,0.026361301916659755,0.0,0.08012129461029452,0.028370106962323605,0.06013169085386578,0.026683154502561587,0.13038905772019846,0.0,0.031238723773722738,0.0,0.02789356578000556,0.19044237080791684,0.05359349432203768,0.02867147238104976,0.027534079989824097,0.0,0.0,0.09525803289653352,0.0530519806187577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044443094136606506,0.07615915428240007,0.0,0.0,0.02862459820906498,0.04613520687256358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04725546753407964,0.04293604028527295,0.02757998625708566,0.031216115686616606,0.0,0.0891683590690666,0.08907924454533042,0.0,0.031943341036733665,0.0,0.09576846171705046,0.06100555833832249,0.0316447243816073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025673700083618585,0.0,0.0,0.03705246441078296,0.01786823526078091,0.0,0.0442767690530627,0.2439084327206656,0.0,0.0264326857902363,0.026646286591715803,0.030982393643244108,0.03786555340924008,0.0,0.0,0.029030329676920687,0.0,0.02408456733767284,0.06142502138363142,0.06902665946273707,0.24671845139942464,0.0442692484677602,0.044736965451337006,0.0,0.025072880441275668,0.025850619387007782,0.07548838542033452,0.0,0.0641350922483135,0.05376225522562706,0.0,0.02030135426382705,0.0,0.028418236165518244,0.1188565686722247,0.0,0.0,0.01795768223200063 ptsd,sentient_meatmobile,2019/06/27,"DAE think they’re not a person? I’m not sure how to explain it. I feel like people see me and see a human body, and I say things in a language they understand, and I can interact with them (more or less.) but it’s as though I have everyone fooled, I am living as an imposter in this human shell. I am a body that makes noise. I am play acting as a human being, always performing. It only gets worse the longer I know someone. I feel that this veneer will one day be torn away and I will be seen for the absence that I am. A body that makes noise, nothing more.",2.289114877589455,3.3691147288135603,3.8233333333333337,91.00349340866293,75.4406779661017,6.600376647834276,21.58568738229755,6.937597516519254,0.3842116760828622,430,10,97,4,9,143,73,118,0.106,0.8490000000000001,0.045,-0.7705,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,1,2,4,0,0,9,0,11,3,3,3,1,19,24,11,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,4,10,5,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,6,14,3,9,18,3,5,0,0,3,0,9,3,0,1,2,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984143450637197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919159440035772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6000866481616381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161370500467737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720746723195302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18210826279660944,0.12864957313540534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940846491446402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896755479222982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879782551989479,0.0,0.15901441527914606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404103164335499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279213409307842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202723383465636,0.13695936474732825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484517157744993,0.1572393807370679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320727261881006,0.0,0.0,0.28700174915930604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258165642039184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972377696324994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963750840424295,0.1153883381402589,0.1769282153752053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747019211439012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835174540831092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Skiergirl24,2019/06/27,"Dating and PTSD I hate dating. I HATE it. I want to run away. I hate making conversation bit. I wonder if I am making enough/too little eye contact. I want them to like me, but when they DO like me I freak out and pull away. I used to drink (been sober 4 years) and when I drank my guard was down and I was able to relax a bit. I actually had a few LTRs not that they were super healthy, but I was able to get over the hurdle of crippling anxiety when newly dating. Now I am just on high alert. I usually end up canceling the date at the last minute but on the rare occasion I do go I am just anxious the entire time and then if the guy DOES like me, I need to like figure out a way to cut him loose after the fact because I worry about sex and intimacy and when that will need to happen, which just opens another can of worms and causes me more anxiety. Ugh I just hate it. I just canceled a date for tonight because I just can’t do it. And it makes me sad. But I like, dissociate and cannot develop the feelings-love, passion, excitement, affection – that relationships require. I am just venting. Can anyone else relate? I just contacted a therapist to do some more work around all of this. I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse (from a non family member) as well as emotional/mental and physical abuse (from my father).",1.7905625717566025,3.8828435671641803,3.708358208955225,86.8346326061998,79.74626865671641,7.108151549942595,22.247990815155,8.139509932561175,1.2300133180252586,1028,32,214,20,26,347,148,268,0.17300000000000001,0.6559999999999999,0.17,-0.428,0,0,1,0,2,0,35.0,0,0,3,3,16,18,5,0,15,0,20,5,1,6,2,47,37,24,0,6,15,1,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,15,2,2,2,2,0,3,3,8,1,0,7,1,37,10,31,29,7,37,0,1,1,2,10,14,0,4,24,150,46,2,0.22546889618442395,0.26714377303179804,0.11001255919835523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821189832228934,0.17248308844557694,0.1273578377593203,0.0,0.07882654731255231,0.11550976441118943,0.0,0.1003575598930196,0.0,0.0,0.21183544994746906,0.0,0.0,0.13744374638739126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461536387012564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580933232363627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865467522953414,0.0,0.0,0.11043684067773564,0.0,0.0,0.09417516561262028,0.0,0.0998492596527355,0.11648482069678308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627600455239276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058899096185426325,0.0,0.06406958481717985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162482769597047,0.09969070013671076,0.0,0.0,0.4452077120247273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911013396012132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918936216615044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753817845046411,0.11298953339056678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257533584966623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671823296147404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178053699785156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103460756160035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308933832418857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573636326898523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973663671664921,0.12416106757071127,0.0,0.1329873966672405,0.08948335753896694,0.0,0.0,0.1013618076978372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225570002641226,0.08207202087192693,0.11448730429797567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259728842731666 ptsd,samanthaschmid,2019/06/27,"Those with PTSD - When you push significant others away, do you truly want them to go away? Or is it a test to see who stays? Trying to get some advice on my on again off again boyfriend who I would do anything for.",3.672878787878787,4.364955681818183,4.075454545454543,91.96651515151515,71.72727272727272,6.775757575757575,21.484848484848484,6.42735559955562,0.07726666666666704,166,3,38,1,3,52,36,44,0.0,0.86,0.14,0.6553,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,8,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,10,7,1,11,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,2,3,30,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058209878251609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575394965138331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5880726322584751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635087353887087,0.0,0.1778624370967648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658336094925543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493886807572735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335738261182993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21247936477708773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459197559874813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22231787589910068,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fulltimeweirdo89,2019/06/27,"PTSD and FMLA Has anyone had any experience getting intermittent FMLA for their PTSD? There are some days where the world is too much and I cannot function so being able to call out from work without fearing being fired, would be nice since I’ve used up all alloyed sick time. I’m incredibly nervous about asking someone to help me get it. When I first met my psychologist she said it doesn’t look good for her to rec it but she said she would help me partner with my doctor later to help me obtain it. That was 6 sessions ago and I’m too meek to bring it back up. I don’t want her to think that getting FMLA is all I want from her but it would be really nice. My own general doc said she can’t fill out the FMLA paperwork because she isn’t diagnosing doctor. Anyone have easy experiences or can point me in ways to go to obtain?",2.140676470588236,4.207580288235294,3.7549264705882384,87.06591911764706,78.47058823529412,6.367647058823527,21.801470588235293,7.413659706084162,0.7594999999999996,659,19,136,9,16,219,105,170,0.022000000000000002,0.821,0.157,0.9671,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,4,8,5,0,2,2,0,20,4,0,1,2,21,37,8,0,5,4,0,1,0,1,3,4,3,0,1,8,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,6,5,20,3,20,24,5,19,0,0,1,0,19,8,0,2,7,89,28,4,0.13717437362584706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159680559121927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328327797528124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19183102300448576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823952216087608,0.0,0.0,0.10547862604951354,0.0,0.08362022495581209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007037248639798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846612283588122,0.0,0.0,0.13922910173235414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808075679639125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683657182093597,0.0,0.15435930707503873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668045213058426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150038456680711,0.0,0.0779593577162496,0.11505535640328532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758352733891245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519192559690106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083894810071843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967412175234042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206990041583724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787741629530102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3914527258009923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347205938416473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622740162551252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789579976099902,0.0,0.0,0.07998748038832268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847461582783475,0.0,0.0,0.16181799925998855,0.10888263284267134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322312010963784,0.0,0.0998645777385215,0.0,0.0,0.2923342178962535,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,weedislif,2019/06/27,PTSD support dog? for people who have ptsd support dogs how much do they help you? just had another attack and wanted to know how they help,2.43333333333333,5.084441222222225,2.7792592592592613,91.1666666666667,81.22222222222223,5.0814814814814815,20.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.2442444444444449,111,3,21,1,3,34,22,27,0.085,0.607,0.308,0.7941,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,2,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,6,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25831240162590763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28025103719644895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302374074451421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538382083728456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109065084996556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707834085294441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5759242086893773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5590948555753669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529964541062973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Hannahshayleigh,2019/06/27,"Advice to help with car accident ptsd I (19F) have been in 3 car accidents since I got my drivers license when I was 16.. the first one in April 2016, 3 months after I got my license, I rear ended a stopped car at a red light stop going 35 mph. I went to slow down and my body just went completely lifeless, my vision went blurry and was almost as if I was in a Minecraft game (weird I know) My second car accident was in August 2017, a year and 4 months AFTER my first accident. I got t-boned on the driver side in a parking lot. I was stopped had my blinker on waiting for him to go by so I can turn left and the man who hit me didn’t have his blinker on but I saw he was turning right. Well he turned right as I barely began to turn left and he came completely in my lane t-boning me. Then my last most recent accident happened January 2018. I was driving my Ex’s lifted F-250 truck, it was our moving weekend and he worked out of town at the time so he was driving his commuter and I was driving the truck. Well it was raining and we were taking the back roads that lead to the main hwy. Well we were coming up the hill with a slight curve and the speed limit is 45 mph and I was going about 35 mph maybe 40 mph due to it raining and I barely put pressure on the gas during the curve and the bed of the truck starts hydroplane fishtailing.. everything starts going slow motion and the front passenger tire hits a curb and the truck flipped and rolled 5-6 times about 70ft down a steep hill that dropped off into a river. I instantly thought I was going to die in that car accident. With those being the accidents I’ve been in I’m absolutely 1,000% terrified to drive on highways, drive in the rain, drive long distance. When I drive on the hwy I constantly feel as if I’m hydroplane fishtailing. I start to lose my breathing, my body goes numb. I absolutely REFUSE to drive in the rain unless I’m in my hometown and not on the 2 main highways. I hate driving long distance because I get a really bad rush of anxiety and feel like something bad is going to happen if I’m driving. Sorry for the long post. I’ve tried all the grounding techniques, having lavender scented air fresheners/ essential oil in my car, talking to myself and telling myself I’m okay. Does anyone else have this problem? Will I eventually get over my fears and overcome my ptsd? Any tips and advice to help get rid of it? TIA",4.004651416122005,4.959095829218106,4.868244977003148,85.61906318082791,71.16049382716051,7.692955700798838,28.080125877511506,7.928766900206844,1.654688404744613,1887,67,387,24,34,613,240,486,0.153,0.795,0.052000000000000005,-0.9941,0,0,1,0,1,0,45.0,3,0,0,6,11,14,1,2,32,1,28,5,3,1,1,53,70,33,1,4,7,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,10,29,0,7,4,2,0,33,2,9,3,4,29,7,52,5,59,37,5,106,0,1,2,0,20,37,0,6,35,225,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177414571012286,0.0,0.0,0.08288751397351052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629004784475079,0.0,0.06332288396232674,0.0,0.0,0.057878419891565974,0.08481308485652886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636491023449993,0.13822784910599498,0.05045905939110301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18388941339487647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467290062124996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713035983120832,0.17357667089238255,0.08945070135156986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590770104386311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243722973886738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914814823834145,0.0,0.07331435376876844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439310934000695,0.0,0.0,0.093145234270594,0.08370736556783462,0.05913469648886108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081726919412407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974004582759358,0.0,0.2822586901560157,0.0,0.19860892614009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463958627775122,0.0,0.0,0.08172347950671714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096508808690674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045491144449608834,0.06747292379548779,0.0,0.0,0.17987122841810996,0.0,0.0,0.040439834287934864,0.0,0.0,0.21976062806067526,0.0,0.09260439641412377,0.0,0.07037260668667394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315892252317211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321409220548531,0.08797705247207424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056090690861389056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927586374069408,0.0,0.0,0.07920479059178236,0.19351981062053036,0.08321204711298771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053027981810913255,0.0,0.08173063044408946,0.0,0.0,0.14137932130608366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068472590054882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372447604178329,0.0,0.09266018025754652,0.17576636687920535,0.0,0.0,0.2076115914621932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223673001169566,0.0665316570011222,0.0723492675566239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571434836521811,0.09653389537260576,0.09513803966852542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05619900053670368,0.3601430617822996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232748280972614,0.23020061908564005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026140998590121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053304584379738035 ptsd,murdanyc916,2019/06/27,"having trouble taking my prazosin im having trouble taking my prazosin lately because my other medications are making me so tired during the day, that im not tired at night. so when i take my prazosin at night, i stay awake, then try to handle my appointments sometimes during the day and im so tired that people think im smoking weed or something. (i dont smoke weed) &#x200B; my pharmacists today thought i was high out of my mind at 8am today when i got my epilepsy medication today, i was just super tired from taking my prazosin at 10pm the night before but not being able to sleep. when i got home at 9am, i fell asleep untill 5pm, woke up then went back to sleep at 7pm and slept untill 1am. so its kind of hard to stay on a steady schedule",7.6913640552995375,5.396102670967744,8.119262672811061,76.2903225806452,64.2258064516129,9.889400921658988,33.755760368663594,7.447530270364453,2.34341474654378,594,18,118,4,7,198,87,155,0.10400000000000001,0.879,0.017,-0.8681,0,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,4,0,7,10,4,1,0,12,19,15,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,8,1,18,2,18,10,0,32,0,0,0,0,0,10,0,1,18,68,22,0,0.09948372803821864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779057776554736,0.12088361860309645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649684609733512,0.0,0.06064435723751827,0.0,0.08465332523772832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831754900234715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659418834464726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591324506473486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911787972664426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051100207080634,0.09979029062971362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298379910988727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359699378327623,0.0,0.0,0.11222197843329776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664061609693194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20043877955898656,0.0,0.0,0.1004502056956206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2800762186539297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896949085216109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19911114799368,0.0,0.0,0.0765874341790243,0.0983919508221374,0.0,0.0,0.21207283471507116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991975303281009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374515595001284,0.0,0.07897896762208942,0.0,0.457367642929352,0.2828968255597049,0.0,0.0,0.06754292105453451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222241257625008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088361860309645,0.0 ptsd,Aspenisbi,2019/06/27,"Physical symptoms? I've not been able to find anything about this online no matter how hard I've looked so I'm asking here. I get physical reactions and pains after hearing, seeing, or just thinking of a trigger. One of my triggers is young kids scream-crying, crying in general, and just any high pitched noise that comes from them. When I hear this my neck will lurch forward, I'll attempt to cover my head and crunch up on the ground. Sometimes flashbacks will start up and sometimes not. Also, after thinking about triggers/my trauma my body will start to ache in random places. One day I had trouble standing and walking because my legs hurt. I was falling a lot. I guess I'm just wondering if this happens to anyone else? Is this just a me thing?",4.766363636363637,6.5117192027972015,4.745734265734266,84.19244755244758,70.25874125874124,6.5986013986013985,30.48251748251749,6.980632752743323,1.8187398601398608,598,25,106,5,11,185,96,143,0.163,0.83,0.008,-0.9640000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,11,4,0,0,4,0,8,6,4,3,0,26,24,11,0,1,8,0,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,4,3,4,0,2,3,5,12,0,16,18,1,20,0,1,2,0,5,9,0,6,8,68,18,0,0.15400528367213565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231579697120304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047288739632556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768407514475857,0.15779661262452846,0.1267332263615791,0.0,0.14397415104830874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388019150117054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106515215375628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326619153237962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383351451656703,0.09932066742928973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865165298169304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075803923537544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046140438501527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965418267406218,0.0,0.13618636374100968,0.0,0.13795848444972358,0.0,0.15805385157302626,0.0,0.3471502949231714,0.0,0.0,0.1627150376764189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486584138405966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932565106276964,0.0,0.0,0.13092978489698887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087159318086152,0.0,0.16387248000699395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090274308363864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272227195539888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046303269132981,0.0,0.21801146488796505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16007045730529115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231426732038616,0.1973607346325989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701216071686106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LostAndConfusedSouls,2019/05/28,"Ptsd bipolar bpd I was recently diagnosed PTSD +panic disorder on top of my pre diagnosed bpd bipolar disorders. I checked myself in patient for self harm and suicidal ideation spending 10 days in a hospital.i was then sent to a 90 day rehab I ended up cutting short because I've been having aggressive panic attacks and mood disregulation. For a behavioral health rehabilitation clinic they sure couldnt have given one fuck less when I said I was struggling with self harm thoughts and suicidal ideation again... In the end I was being threatened with the cops as I was freaking out begging to go back to the hospital. They kept gaslighting me,telling me I was a hopeless addict worthless father and worse trying to convince me I needed to stay for my families sake.. they released me without my meds and I can feel the depression sinking in in waves. I keep catching myself crying for no reason feeling worthless and hopeless again I could only sum it all up to a phrase I repeated over and over again for 45 minutes as I had a panic attack in my hospital shower fully dressed after relapsing with an arcade card. ""I just want my life back"" . I'm a survivor of several traumas but that doesn't mean I ever knew a truly ""normal life"" what could I even mean my life back... I just want off this roller coaster man. I threw everything to the wind for treatment and was shit on. Days away from getting evicted for non payment because I was away and didn't think we would be able to keep up anymore anyways. My my if it isn't the consequences of my irrational actions. My mind's fucking everywhere, Ive had all of about 8hours of sleep in 3 days. I just need some one to shoot the shit with, show me it's'not so bad' being PTSD. I've even considered trying to get a rescue I can have trained for service work I just want out of this pit of despair",6.2138443759630215,6.826598155367236,6.452121212121212,77.46374422187982,66.03389830508475,9.148228043143298,35.582434514637896,9.095868883498916,3.2166711864406783,1473,69,264,24,22,473,199,354,0.203,0.743,0.055,-0.9936,2,0,0,1,0,2,29.0,1,0,3,2,17,26,8,4,17,0,27,16,3,1,4,50,52,16,2,11,7,1,2,0,0,1,11,1,1,3,6,16,0,3,8,2,2,5,6,23,0,2,19,3,44,2,54,26,4,45,0,6,0,2,10,21,4,2,18,182,50,2,0.08566858457139101,0.0,0.0,0.09339140234083136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496021605944708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194920764936759,0.1609769104843572,0.19762156058777655,0.07152968973794338,0.10444554801533172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157931665933865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679878772816953,0.0,0.09410291746484838,0.2209965994534924,0.0,0.07378622635993241,0.17390362006084692,0.0,0.0,0.1963672397938252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175387629439388,0.0,0.0,0.11316658429948008,0.07749213936385058,0.0,0.0,0.07699339987054472,0.0,0.08076071722512973,0.0,0.08663322082450219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839845198214056,0.0895165991962357,0.0,0.04868743084522769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106169935577034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522923484014909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153076441143148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18663640640879373,0.09515848485887678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650084904883089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704433991398573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393702371719475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610250005193914,0.06515481894081161,0.0,0.3015408770004973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004259727983805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808157302200204,0.08458739212919834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149044183586243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17874203466403465,0.09678111597255036,0.17587514194378548,0.0,0.0,0.08573045339862176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131131258522557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955940523791116,0.0,0.1874150538943552,0.0,0.0807416271124824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054892969847513656,0.0,0.06801128687592832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632669098078538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158865233009022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258145843625138,0.0,0.06236774987589053,0.0,0.08730360655018256,0.06085650452774696,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pennybunartist,2019/05/28,"Service dog? Hi everyone, I was just wondering what everyone thinks about service dogs for PTSD. If you have a service dog that is trained for helping you manage PTSD, is it worth it? Do you feel like it helps? How does your service dog help you? I’m still living with my parents and I’m in therapy. My therapist has recommended that I should get a service dog, but 1. My parents do not want to have a dog in there house 2. I feel like I’m somehow “stealing” resources from other people (mainly veterans) who have PTSD. 3. I don’t think insurance will cover any training costs? And It seems to be extremely expensive to get a service dog ((at least from a kid’s pov that has only ever worked minimum wage jobs)) Any subjective or anecdotal advice ? I have been reading a lot about service dogs recently and legit cried when I started thinking about having a friend that could help me through this without judgement. Anything would be helpful, thanks.",4.004466292134833,6.347351174157307,4.592570224719103,81.95099016853932,73.7752808988764,7.596067415730338,31.911516853932586,8.472884824447931,2.778077528089888,751,37,132,14,16,239,113,178,0.053,0.7879999999999999,0.159,0.9492,4,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,5,0,1,10,5,0,0,7,0,20,0,0,1,1,25,35,8,0,5,6,2,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,0,7,1,4,0,3,1,0,0,2,2,15,4,16,27,3,8,0,0,0,0,16,3,0,6,7,87,27,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192154974426014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969262519137196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267318393881557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996168538130744,0.0,0.1370514567878626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918505265691647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285952524682337,0.0,0.23844176304646006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617259315746282,0.17826813568831618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639521339460658,0.0,0.1303719444311819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41814578737773694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439651709931815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381268754771566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219103892316847,0.0,0.11017216252068424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607303446567597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489145600531718,0.0,0.0,0.27707952506614897,0.0,0.0,0.0864982115540147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375402839588801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248014611594077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231930489458337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358382562812422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831121828836616,0.0,0.0996396441917296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486933255771675,0.14268273541639934,0.14486491297503942,0.0,0.2398383074942665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359122045678777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027160780198252,0.1353052454324626,0.0908323695730766,0.0,0.0,0.08863139236528361,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MyBrainIsFriedPear,2019/05/28,"Keep skipping through PTSD movies. Dear whoever may read this, I recently got Hulu and apparently they have a large selection of abduction movies. Now I have never been abducted but I have my fair dose of PTSD. I was just wondering does anyone else just skip through movies like that but just to see the moment where the kid breaks free? I feel ridiculous that I keep clicking on such movies. PS. Throwaway because nobody needs to know.",5.07994575045208,7.627511063291137,4.345605786618446,84.00784810126581,71.27848101265823,8.05858951175407,29.00723327305606,8.841846274778883,2.4586802893309225,350,14,62,7,7,104,59,79,0.067,0.765,0.168,0.8249,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,1,14,14,3,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,8,4,7,10,0,7,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,5,37,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315299457959562,0.23907889675979965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223862121239014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419270210015733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19492113772033307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798099694452145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18661901454060054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4147970702330988,0.0,0.0,0.1282346072631496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399551122404812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301466731306675,0.17996204684904255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5455113783750101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333977679184917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303897917533608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185937485595886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530414466162677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,geek_the_greek,2019/05/28,"PTSD triggers (after failed suicide attempt) Hey everyone, on mobile so apologies for the formatting. To start with, I like in the UK and I have ASD, BPD and PTSD. BPD and PTSD as a result of prolonged exposure to extreme trauma and violence for 17 years. 3 weeks ago, I got extremely drunk one morning and attempted suicide by hanging with an ethernet cable. I don't remember much, and was hospitalised for 2 days. I've suffered a neck injury but nothing broken. So... my problem is I work in IT. Our office, my desk, shelves have boxes of cables. Every time I look at one, I have a complete mental breakdown, I can't move, extreme shaking, and have intense flashbacks. My whole career is in jeopardy because of this. I've gone to many appintments with a psychologist and my social worker, I've tried to work with cables again, but I just can't. I can't. Please, any advice is much appreciated.",3.8791071428571433,6.161851077380952,5.073238095238096,78.63842857142859,73.94047619047619,7.337142857142857,30.84285714285714,8.238735603445708,2.6112114285714285,703,33,119,12,15,232,107,168,0.151,0.7609999999999999,0.087,-0.8696,0,0,0,0,0,2,32.0,1,0,0,6,4,6,0,1,7,0,12,2,1,2,0,19,16,13,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,12,1,0,1,1,0,4,4,5,0,2,3,1,15,1,22,13,3,17,0,2,1,0,4,5,0,0,9,77,17,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396171148599907,0.12665126290968898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716081690206907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709609634852662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598955204143759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498031338111412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214342537545346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037948641644387,0.1365244745022754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427126846670665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980216726119659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998014900894699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485419276992012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398575512843187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185494797230034,0.21006111246663897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709371046413302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936334237883293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568353264709496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671337032221986,0.5010444192146255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185105157602545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564444517740166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112861535188114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125670725333544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331234820593501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700366246420128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146067891683092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595163414851826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080313677490208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200768450658878 ptsd,throwaway723024,2019/05/28,Had a bunch of flashbacks last night Does anyone else deal with this? Some nights I’ll have back-to-back nightmare about being abused as a child.,2.9177380952381005,5.598507678571429,1.5357142857142847,100.67595238095241,79.35714285714286,3.733333333333334,16.476190476190478,3.1291,-1.1908952380952376,117,2,24,0,3,32,26,28,0.13,0.87,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,12,1,0,0.0,0.3417304126216092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016698965725018,0.2955202661554245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4435541920770046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297348247110552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523981936066065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409378129107912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351007091895949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5413250664258603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,brattynattylite,2019/05/28,"any advice on being triggered all the time? i’m triggered by my surroundings constantly, at home and at work. i was raped by a coworker who was also my roommate. i see his name on files at work and instantly go back to the trauma in my head. i look around my house and it’s almost like being haunted by a ghost. i don’t know how to deal with it healthily, i’m going to therapy but grounding techniques and such tend to make me even more aware of where i am which is the trigger in the first place. i’ve been dealing with it by over eating, smoking weed, drinking, all so i can escape the memories here. i want to move but i’m stretched really thin financially. i’m coming to terms with the fact that i may not be able to move to be closer to friends when my lease is up in august and moving somewhere else here seems futile as i grew up in this area and there are so many triggers from so many different traumas. that knowledge is making me feel even more stuck and wanting to escape with unhealthy coping mechanisms. any advice?",3.2630468303826383,5.020044567961167,4.143649343232443,86.93752998286699,74.19417475728156,6.788806396344945,25.70988006853227,7.510576382923642,1.2976239862935466,815,28,161,10,17,262,129,206,0.11699999999999999,0.826,0.057,-0.927,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,15,5,1,0,8,0,15,4,1,7,3,35,33,16,1,2,3,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,8,13,2,0,4,1,0,7,2,3,0,1,4,4,17,2,34,24,5,35,0,0,2,1,6,21,0,3,8,111,25,2,0.1372464639383139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682313122592783,0.0,0.0,0.13743250842358046,0.0,0.0,0.10975594762568797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866646037196817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217845084519488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553405904993114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822567605042067,0.0,0.1483146698177434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829901556967869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433933433947498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344492843850207,0.0,0.1404373962261795,0.11465180953886395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129999005805408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939593596204179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167417721135412,0.0,0.0,0.10603627758416737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600065660429285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408544676065149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766939372279371,0.0,0.0,0.15836399232183493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542706727538244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06705168969358846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525246330296407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322616083016585,0.27829274549827004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4376138126961141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433933433947498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792359919544526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936766239924836,0.12494402615274795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15695329266139832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002951682925702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190304072816564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19983412068917772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,EmpoweredHealth,2019/05/28,"The organization treating post-traumatic stress and complex grief of veterans and their widows Every hour an American veteran dies by suicide. Behind every one of them, a wife, girlfriend, partner and often young children are left trying to process the loss and their new future. Who cares for these survivors? How do we, as a country, honor them? Turns out until recently we weren’t. I'm a producer for Empowered Health, a podcast focused on navigating women's health, and in honor of Memorial Day, we just released an episode will that unpacks the parallel between those veterans who are traumatized by a comrade’s death abroad and the women who have a similar experience when they lose their loved ones at home. After Kim Ruocco lost her husband, Marine Corps Maj. John Ruocco, she recognized first-hand the lacking of support for women in her position. Ruocco’s had a connection that was in the perfect position to help. Brigadier General Jack Hammond, the executive director of Homebase, a Boston-based organization in partnership with Mass General, that was successfully treating veterans with post-traumatic stress and complex grief. By June 2017, the Homebase team came up with an iteration of their program to be catered to military widows. In this episode, we hear from Ruocco, General Hammond, and Dr. Bonnie Ohye, director of the family initiative and an associate professor at Harvard Medical School, and hear how this unique two-week intensive program has given these women permission to live their lives again. Thought this group may have an interest in listening to the episode: [APPLE PODCASTS](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/ep-10-the-women-left-behind-when-a-veteran-kills-himself/id1452440833?i=1000439604113) | [SPOTIFY](https://open.spotify.com/episode/3jYrz5TmvpRIdDfDyKEaD8) | [GOOGLE PLAY](https://play.google.com/music/m/Dfurigpqwtffg3vbj26gsnu72ay?t=Ep_10_The_Women_Left_Behind_When_A_Veteran_Kills_Himself-Empowered_Health) | [STITCHER](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/empowered-health/e/60820347?autoplay=true) | [LUMINARY](https://luminarypodcasts.com/listen/emily-kumler-469/empowered-health/ep-10-the-women-left-behind-when-a-veteran-kills-himself/cbf2b305-efd6-4fda-94a0-0c4bd799cb02) | [OVERCAST](https://overcast.fm/+Quxnfd664) | [WEBSITE](https://empoweredhealthshow.com/ep-10-the-women-left-behind-when-a-veteran-kills-himself/) (if you want a 3-minute read version, we also have a sister column in Boston Magazine: [https://www.bostonmagazine.com/health/2019/05/24/heroes-who-dont-wear-uniforms/](https://www.bostonmagazine.com/health/2019/05/24/heroes-who-dont-wear-uniforms/)",15.17815122377622,19.26396432386364,9.937727272727274,47.92755244755247,47.80681818181819,12.233566433566434,44.22027972027972,11.807384569943707,6.641187587412587,2230,108,218,60,26,604,209,352,0.096,0.799,0.105,0.4696,7,0,0,0,0,1,209.0,5,1,8,9,7,17,0,2,25,0,14,5,0,3,1,36,27,17,5,3,2,3,0,0,3,2,4,3,1,6,12,20,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,7,0,2,8,4,17,10,40,16,2,26,0,5,1,1,38,14,0,3,11,129,29,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753354986339627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774512912174973,0.0960480135129468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075426562275184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977696498235959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208145134888848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874311734070554,0.0,0.0,0.09215031475030956,0.08880784733001361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013050594378614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6008114171241521,0.2123511830384588,0.0,0.0631434532240713,0.0,0.09449503782804218,0.0,0.09277269537542468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4094149139621263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16636902727983807,0.0,0.0,0.10539101034622683,0.1028356048290578,0.0,0.08502345820873268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949013673430134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098352744445397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767114326762286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804442056581945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942302357562192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301581838746202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534022887753524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21582242876171456,0.0,0.0,0.10304469837234928,0.10690242554277116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478804286443111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395883647385887,0.10246770839227463,0.09202434505035903,0.0,0.113316706241795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055564397955033734,0.0,0.07556536218325831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,vixowoxiv,2019/05/28,"Getting shit done with PTSD / grief I have been extremely unproductive, to the point of sometimes feeling nearly immobilized for almost 3 weeks. I have only left my apt. when I absolutely had to, which seems to be getting even harder. My stability is being impacted by recent job loss and personal hardships. I no longer have any emergency funds or financial cushioning to pay bills or support myself. The ""old"" me would have had the resillience to recover from this, but the shell of myself now is stupefied in a sinking void. As a last resort to avoid being evicted from my apartment, I want to get a subletter to move in and contribute rent. This involves huge amounts of cleaning, organizing, and rearranging... Followed by the actual process of finding a subletter. I would basically be giving up my own space and sleeping on the floor until my lease ends. Idk what else to do. At a time I absolutely need to force myself to do SOME type of work, I shamefully find myself barely able to do basic shit around the house. I tried approaching small tasks at a time (e.g, fill one small bag with recycling, put clothes in hamper), but my progress has still been pathetic. If I stand up for too long, I feel like my heart starts racing more and I easily get confused or ""lost"" doing basic shit. Any advice for getting shit done?",6.5684504132231405,7.754762404958682,6.838502066115705,72.97320764462809,65.44628099173553,10.347520661157027,33.30681818181819,10.411451182825502,3.672288429752067,1050,44,179,26,16,339,155,242,0.159,0.7609999999999999,0.08,-0.963,4,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,4,6,12,4,3,13,0,23,6,6,0,0,28,38,14,1,5,6,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,8,0,1,6,0,4,5,1,10,0,1,7,2,24,2,38,25,4,37,0,3,0,0,3,18,4,8,14,123,28,4,0.12009217827940005,0.0,0.11719264249571135,0.0,0.0,0.11735268671998984,0.0,0.0,0.12025496926760774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333359873251807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690749968900302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457919869871061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032160506069954,0.0,0.10636602470856288,0.0,0.0,0.07931975113723562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144442740856433,0.08579387615835524,0.0,0.0,0.21952415058824304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137160326455883,0.11520336032345532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230980948238334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857024984992836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917295641520576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789115378722917,0.0,0.0,0.13048050308553946,0.0,0.0,0.058670972217081084,0.0,0.0,0.10627779869680737,0.0,0.0,0.1310947989006815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763898003582413,0.0,0.08904682851170949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601653942542798,0.0,0.08137756801212398,0.09133551314229366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485985790231801,0.0,0.0,0.11352592569646247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038132984831952,0.12072580885300807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857653802256896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932740875878456,0.0,0.0,0.4930915809313208,0.0,0.0,0.12017890741432047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118774235067374,0.0,0.08500186189720876,0.0,0.09590576870331967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362791807547641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005342982086674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815347059940944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083347823023957,0.0,0.09633070156720906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742853607834344,0.0,0.0,0.17062007567352616,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,luagin,2019/05/28,"Need somewhere to vent, can't talk to my therapist Tw: rape, sexual abuse nsfw Some asshole tried to tell me even though 70% of rapes aren't reported that every woman who is raped and doesn't report is either lying because she cheated or is irresponsible for letting the man walk free and rape others. Usually comments like these I just roll my eyes at but today it became a huge trigger. My mind went back to my ex and everything he did and for the first time in 4 years since it happened I realized I was raped. I've been lying to myself, making excuses for him, rewriting the memories in my head, trying to find any way around that word. I would say ""sexual abuse"" and ""coersion"" to minimalize what happened. ""he loved me, he didn't realize what he was doing was wrong"". This morning I suddenly remember the probably hundreds of conversations I had telling him no means no and that it wasn't ok what he was doing. He acknowledged, apologized, then said I was just too irresistible and he can't control himself at all when he's turned on, it isn't him, his dick is the one in full control. Post break up he was desperate to have his victim back. When to great lengths, more than he ever did in the almost 2 years we were together. He did something nice I was extremely grateful for then he sat himself outside my door until I let him come ""cuddle"". He swore he wouldn't try anything, he just wanted some cuddles. I had been up for 48 hrs, anxiety was at a high, I had no strength. He stayed outside begging me for an hour, keeping me awake, until I gave in. I passed out quickly to wake up to him trying to have sex with me. I pretended I was asleep and prayed for it to stop and it never did. He then kissed me on the forehead like it was a consensual thing he did. I'm still pretending to be asleep. For years I have lied to myself on this situation. I minimalized, excused, told myself he was young and didn't know better (we were 17-18 at the time), anything to make it not happen. I've checked on his social media ever since to make sure he hasn't been dating anyone. He still tries to twist the whole relationship like he wasn't a great bf but we had some great times. I'm married and in a healthy relationship with someone who respects my boundaries and I constantly worry he's going to do it someone else. It's just really hard when your brain finally shows you the truth after hiding it for so long.. I remembered what he said but had warped what i told him just to make myself feel like he just didn't understand or know. But he did. He knew. He understood what he was doing. I sat and broke down countless times and he would say his magic words then repeat the cycle. Sorry for the long ass story, I just.... It took me 2 years to admit the sexual abuse, and another 2 for this.. I'm still having a really hard time saying the word out loud because if I do it solidifies it so I guess I'm typing it out as a next best thing. Thank you for reading this, I just needed a safe place to get my thoughts out until I can see a professional today or tomorrow Tldr: thank you asshole that invalidated and victim blamed the 70% of women who don't report for making it click in my head that what my ex did went past sexual abuse and he raped me and he knew what he was doing.",4.032924801039471,5.164653422900766,5.1941140165665125,82.64520708137081,71.2595419847328,8.322559688159819,26.455254182231606,8.718977153904607,1.832181094688972,2572,82,516,45,47,852,291,655,0.14300000000000002,0.725,0.132,-0.5828,0,0,1,0,4,0,75.0,3,4,0,6,25,32,9,0,25,1,63,21,10,8,6,95,108,40,0,7,18,2,3,4,1,3,0,6,1,3,40,29,0,5,16,4,2,7,18,11,0,2,49,12,68,22,70,53,9,85,1,1,3,13,83,28,2,9,50,336,108,6,0.0,0.3203217200024033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767936714216753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04596198669624202,0.07087164743839601,0.05170444264448331,0.0,0.0,0.047258925279164365,0.0,0.11123791641350814,0.06016742564377466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394161338348942,0.0,0.08240172837781783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092917226987262,0.059775871131811625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545027999160572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822086074705241,0.0,0.073038345194332,0.1516108142021104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056460891242550174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044641070481636666,0.1222739760691128,0.05694559318855641,0.0,0.06074351031301056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034174396451193086,0.04828470106835766,0.0,0.0740390748728116,0.0617739777188408,0.05749010438889704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03531180903561069,0.0,0.03841167506089704,0.0,0.0,0.22354719414425897,0.07445552493730509,0.0,0.17930286849078475,0.0,0.12109069422701152,0.0,0.13872905815521325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141016716732777,0.0,0.0,0.06656031780598168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060075096380161376,0.0,0.0,0.07428891806084062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822610420363973,0.0,0.1320798398087432,0.0,0.0,0.11962606120760245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100058186771145,0.0,0.22557673492094515,0.0,0.0,0.07362287219773077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824435893357639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023091829624656,0.052127838333823735,0.0,0.07188033734857001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0457992076017501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452015370355385,0.0,0.0,0.07061481191513379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473038013099965,0.0,0.07287102434794603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760603875402729,0.0,0.08659688480790806,0.0,0.0,0.1451278958665188,0.15312748732460785,0.0,0.12858285261831173,0.16124547126020106,0.0,0.0,0.05385868497856325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11181856806516108,0.07597146118517398,0.0,0.06889719812023043,0.11453376003073455,0.052032350871959065,0.0,0.07565895101057178,0.0,0.07203954711755914,0.16192698989459967,0.056506384166337124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06370065313965499,0.0,0.0,0.05432447210559044,0.11814934256555255,0.12445143632776845,0.0,0.07847458539111056,0.08980459381364582,0.0,0.06640461978803654,0.053657122723444715,0.19705479852713773,0.0,0.1281305655936389,0.12916598029655693,0.0750924755141604,0.22943822344352,0.0735160621111709,0.0,0.07036122984989326,0.0,0.0,0.07443835630196566,0.0,0.0398650052326148,0.053648008847767735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530904007593027,0.0,0.07545930755774688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06863863943929728,0.0,0.09602479476449746,0.07389659293624294,0.0,0.17409717645771716 ptsd,glassstilleto,2019/05/28,"(NSFW) Does a rape make a rapist? This is a real and genuine question...something I've been agonizing over lately. I can't move on from what happened to me, but lately I find myself wondering whether or not it's ""fair"" to brand someone with that title for life. Will they always deserve it? Can they be redeemed? Do they deserve the chance to change and move on, if it was a ""one-time thing""? Please don't think that this is motivated by anything but the desire for peace of mind and closure. I yoyo back and forth between feelings of guilt and blame, anger and sorrow. I don't even know what to think, how to feel, how normal it is to feel this way or question this. I just want thoughts and opinions on this.",3.5381363636363647,5.099892592857144,3.8707792207792235,89.97967532467536,73.07142857142857,5.948051948051948,26.298701298701296,6.1124844417494595,0.7885,553,19,113,3,11,172,90,140,0.15,0.693,0.157,-0.4137,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,3,1,5,5,3,1,6,0,12,3,0,4,0,36,23,15,0,4,8,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,14,8,0,0,11,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,3,3,10,0,18,18,0,10,0,1,0,2,4,4,0,6,3,79,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026197639096058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387169989035464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296182914479639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832246133741878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751488410760452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133749219168854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556989487699813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540679846544043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906401590251614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926404961315859,0.0,0.3803038124977297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906447585106245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125203660750858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702055012999608,0.0,0.0,0.35832194981314025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16516072797559345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422595524099145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503690769069306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776691990259521,0.0,0.0,0.1918671469119849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282701417691354,0.12977178630393693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198900647574674,0.2160229767332202,0.0,0.1338240642035557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942570061427312,0.13380133365406224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280467072574466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MalaRei,2019/05/28,"[Embodiment after Direct Trauma] Important note to all the participants! **Important note to all the participants:** *Due to ethical reasons and variations in ethical procedures in different countries, the* ***study is limited to student purposes only.*** *After participants who desire to get personal results get their results, all of their data gets erased. Also, the final results to a study will be available via link in ""Results"" of the research post and will be open for only limited period of time. After that all the data of this study will be erased.* **In future series of this study, data will be gathered in more protected and officially ethically approved settings, due to the sensitivity of a group.** \*Please, note also that your personal results goal is to give you more insight into your personal processes while the result of the research aims to give general information and insight about this issue and is for informational purposes only. **Results will be shared ONLY inside the Reddit groups where data was gathered, and will not be shared outside these communities, so please be discrete and respect this unofficial policy and don't share data anywhere else. Because this is a part of a student project, data will be presented only to students who participate in the course for which data was gathered.** To all of you who provided email addresses: you will get all the important information via email. ***Final and personal results can be expected in the next 30 days.*** Big THANK YOU to all the individuals who helped to get insight into this topic :)",4.523229665071772,8.003346075757577,5.847503987240831,65.51296650717705,84.45454545454545,8.688038277511962,32.32615629984051,8.916525866297963,4.393001515151516,1260,67,165,39,38,419,120,264,0.02,0.853,0.127,0.9828,1,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,0,6,2,4,5,6,0,0,18,0,25,0,0,9,7,41,33,13,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,4,14,12,0,3,8,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,8,5,38,14,10,28,0,0,0,0,32,12,0,0,14,128,22,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835902047992172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941339399061488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401550069137505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610787032227514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882662511027864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28541606295520416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403121097907931,0.2499400382954279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731944635696648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597147821578354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854713153266665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4953935716029108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410732879068303,0.0,0.0,0.4549984796653962,0.0,0.28600192419289583,0.0,0.0,0.12476580969117468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339426484828741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993815106013585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759634083470968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Becky-and-Momo,2019/05/28,"Your trauma is valid regardless of how you got it. Your trauma is valid regardless if it came from one event or many smaller ones over time. Having trauma is not your fault, no matter how you got it. You deserve help to work thought it. You deserve to get better. If you feel better that doesn’t invalidate your trauma or mean you could have avoided it to start with. It’s ok to get better. If your not better and it’s been a while that’s ok. It doesn’t mean it won’t get better. It will take as long as it takes and that’s ok.",1.1400491400491433,3.1444066576576617,2.484193284193285,95.22515970515973,81.52252252252252,5.117444717444719,17.298116298116298,6.1124844417494595,-0.4697819819819822,413,8,93,3,11,133,56,111,0.106,0.669,0.226,0.909,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,11,0,6,2,14,0,1,1,3,11,0,0,2,0,22,24,12,0,6,7,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,5,1,11,8,10,16,0,7,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,5,5,62,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7002692392045613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811181566648961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264351338132443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007002875920034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24820490120948666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533050278987897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614332124913943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014091185081026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054908566772275,0.0,0.3449942709376762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21461352653633714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208585971257354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23812942758910285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571772454673938,0.09233920726436416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528574093592492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,madcaplaughs182,2019/05/28,"Questioning your own PTSD Hello, I wanted to know if anyone ever questioned if their PTSD is real or if they are lying to themselves. Sometimes I feel like it's all a lie and everything isn't really real or that it never happened like I believe it to. One constant though is I am fearful of men. Not like petrified, like I can go to the gym by myself and I work in a store and deal with male customers but I deal daily with intrusive thoughts and constant thinking and fear. I don't trust men that's for fucking sure. And I hate talking to them. I freak out and think they're creeping on me or have some sort of hidden agenda. But yet I often question myself. And when someone (doctor family friends) say I have it I feel like they're just taking pity on me or I must be manipulating them. It's fucked. Hopefully this makes sense. Thanks in advance.",2.579770710059172,4.778269325443787,3.820499260355032,86.48447670118347,77.63905325443787,6.118491124260356,24.763683431952664,7.1686216300943375,1.1528843195266276,672,24,129,8,16,219,107,169,0.18899999999999997,0.6859999999999999,0.125,-0.9304,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,4,2,6,17,3,2,3,0,11,3,0,2,5,45,27,19,0,6,11,0,2,5,1,1,1,1,0,3,8,11,0,0,9,1,1,2,4,7,0,1,1,3,23,10,16,24,3,13,0,1,0,2,17,5,2,14,11,90,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419684793530223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566627684513236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602513031113949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24828480176063636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324967947643548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892210633992976,0.0,0.0,0.10822108354495034,0.0,0.11351638375063534,0.27100031896075016,0.12177071079313867,0.17204875521138466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303219786779217,0.22264313738804065,0.0,0.0,0.06843452204928717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648243524726662,0.0,0.0,0.11888471367501048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959909475857343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661768406739922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941430143090545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037783312120478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287133914837477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159620421376784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815169815936803,0.0,0.4046764987513916,0.0,0.0,0.27411687419577113,0.0771408225935353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575870479317954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202709350457607,0.0,0.11909334447605552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348955089640154,0.0,0.0905369652903878,0.09678487798910104,0.0,0.11086179592449197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431392004734407,0.11830695771153885,0.09559592343466868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102378574381846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766342934820137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sagacious_Warhorse,2019/05/28,"Weird trigger caused by estranged family I have ptsd, and I do a fairly good job of keeping myself and my life fairly calm because of it. Recently, my half-sister (who I have only spoken to once before, and I have no real desire to speak to due to family circumstances) paid an online investigation website to find me. I then got a series of texts from her saying how much I need to talk to her, my biological mom, etc. It freaked me out and I've been getting night terrors since, and since I have been stalked in the past I keep having this nagging feeling that my estranged family are going to show up on my doorstep. So frustrated when I was making such good progress minimizing my triggers; this just blew it all to hell.",6.597357142857143,6.573884450000001,7.165000000000003,74.86250000000003,65.21428571428571,9.571428571428571,32.5,9.188382445141503,2.7879285714285698,573,21,105,9,8,189,96,140,0.141,0.759,0.10099999999999999,-0.7916,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,3,1,4,0,10,1,0,5,1,20,19,9,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,7,6,0,2,2,1,1,1,1,6,0,0,5,3,20,3,18,14,3,11,1,0,0,0,7,4,1,0,6,74,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268518483053496,0.0,0.14333802425360245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304392534871085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878655977595725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763972806629354,0.0,0.08517307306887517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395969100774584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800785393473229,0.0,0.09573367041996304,0.2825747130974025,0.13472436556017886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716002769626284,0.29945111574478545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898078600267305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244127605003648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972858900224787,0.0,0.0,0.12382968389897027,0.12490308848612636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158078341713237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793931030662904,0.0,0.1281133519363637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080400347834073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19690832292291072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917322844156677,0.0,0.0,0.16632345102626414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395771622267466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786861527129752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539323916621762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GeneralDick,2019/05/28,"Extreme crying I’m not really an emotional person day to day. It goes up and down but it’s relatively mild. I am definitely not the kind of person that cries in front of others, maybe squeeze out a tear. But when my girlfriend gets upset with me and starts speaking to me in her “serious voice” (as she calls it, it gives me a very uneasy feeling though) or maybe says something passive aggressive, I just break. Usually I can handle it for a few minutes but longer than 10 and I get into this insane state. I get extremely dissociative and start crying hysterically. Basically I’ll grip myself or pull at my hair and try to shove myself under the bed or into a corner with no regard of hurting myself. I don’t realize I’m doing this so much until she tells me after. I barely remember any of it honestly. If she keeps speaking to me like that I will recklessly run away at any cost if possible. This morning I woke up covered in scratches and bruises, even on my face, because I absolutely lost my mind last night running around and falling outside. It makes me feel so fucking stupid but it’s so insanely overwhelming. Once I get to that place I don’t think I’m even thinking about her or the fight, I’m just crying and hyperventilating. I really don’t know how to even start to get this under control. I feel so bad that she has to deal with this and it probably makes her feel like she can’t be upset with me.",3.835317693059629,5.490926505376346,5.300711958292607,79.6468255131965,72.47670250896056,8.226849136526557,27.377158683610297,8.841846274778883,2.180740501792114,1121,41,213,22,22,377,157,279,0.19699999999999998,0.742,0.06,-0.9916,0,0,1,0,1,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,14,15,4,3,8,0,10,3,2,4,0,46,36,28,0,2,14,0,8,2,1,1,0,4,1,2,19,17,0,2,9,0,1,5,7,11,0,0,2,12,36,4,38,32,2,36,0,3,0,1,19,18,1,6,13,147,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485680816085127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724295712340594,0.0,0.0,0.10263056215405224,0.0,0.09120726999197118,0.06658908582012568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115418914417239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251715730857354,0.0,0.0,0.4799612710018938,0.14089601525959122,0.1126172389091595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287549112663115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644750409416386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22093146470962494,0.07803802581659218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009866702146607,0.28535579636811964,0.1047888638401896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693910595179705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709373400929204,0.0,0.11375220092981415,0.06003309927621936,0.08904169771235845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673411785498964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192437008225328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583139316498248,0.0,0.21948394185013534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029694554296972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030082880832078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251033077476374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116332485112961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19076084831512427,0.11412808598453332,0.0,0.0,0.12314687020360958,0.0,0.0,0.11777459016046787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399584088282696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237427854440903,0.0,0.0,0.08686863520322742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409500008906312,0.0,0.0,0.2319528312585784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547684091790104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399876873473284,0.10732354801210006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416388880216987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203077215413124,0.09013091558356316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,isehmer,2019/05/28,"Anyone else just cry all the time? Title pretty much just sums it up. The smallest things trigger me, i cry. It’s a never ending cycle.",0.2616666666666667,2.681982481481484,2.338796296296298,90.31708333333334,94.55555555555556,2.7,14.157407407407408,3.1291,-1.0867703703703704,105,2,19,0,4,35,23,27,0.204,0.691,0.105,-0.4588,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277562454018792,0.3117942254356111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6685247723003234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542059796168446,0.0,0.2695219987023719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22369760452775395,0.0,0.23469711365398646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095853920999567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216528859259592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744143599362872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,of_some_kind,2019/01/30,"Delayed response/flashbacks **tw:** *threats/potential violence* Yesterday as I was driving to work, I honked at someone for cutting me off dangerously. They promptly slammed on the breaks, blocked my car in, got out of theirs and started banging on my window holding a knife. I mean, that'd be upsetting for anyone I assume. But considering the origins of my PTSD it was especially triggering However, I was a little shaken up but fine as it happened. I got out of there safely, went to work, was operating fairly normally and then BAM. A half hour into my shift, it hit me. I started having flashbacks and absolutely lost it. One of the worst episodes I've ever had, and it sure was embarrassing around my coworkers. I felt like a huge idiot, and that I was just being dramatic or something, because it didn't happen until a while after the fact. Does/has anyone else experience the delay like this sometimes? ",3.763151515151513,6.7002952848484885,5.005606060606059,75.50174242424242,77.96969696969697,7.545454545454546,31.59090909090909,8.515128840125781,3.1633636363636364,722,37,115,16,18,238,113,165,0.166,0.727,0.107,-0.8043,1,0,1,0,1,0,31.0,0,0,2,3,4,12,3,2,10,0,12,0,0,2,3,27,23,13,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,9,0,5,3,0,0,3,1,7,0,2,13,1,18,5,22,6,1,28,0,1,0,0,2,12,0,2,14,86,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574565511568366,0.18863407433239146,0.0,0.16388965477660913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222676284001674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379345011213122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653063939261029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008690976248806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676662159033607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944860925643062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256012690476027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130321166852847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988570324883474,0.18451839244088827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200968888032574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20054085710075492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038069852098826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475216020264784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21520517973809644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559888776265621,0.1417305781388885,0.18208141092228813,0.0,0.26061643649375416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351378990207406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706642348305073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680566403140365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rowan_121,2019/01/30,"I opened up to someone about my PTSD and they told me I was being dramatic. I opened up to someone about certain parts of my PTSD, I left out details about some things like hyper vigilance and nightmares because I didn’t feel comfortable discussing the root cause yet. Today I was put in a situation where I felt cornered and my brain was working on overdrive imagining all kinds of dangerous outcomes to a seemingly benign situation. I didn’t have a way out of the situation so I texted the friend I opened up to how I was feeling and that I felt like I was in danger. After the situation was over they dismissed my feelings and told me that I’m usually pretty dramatic. At first I was angry but now I can’t help but think they’re right and I feel like I’m going crazy. Side note: I have a follow up with a mental health professional today, we’re going to formulate a plan for my treatment and I will hopefully be able to speak to a specialist sooner rather than later so I don’t feel so alone.",6.505151515151514,6.1936470909090975,7.22292929292929,75.33772727272726,65.46464646464646,10.432323232323236,33.65656565656565,10.018931242160765,3.218589898989899,796,31,152,16,11,265,108,198,0.078,0.789,0.133,0.8078,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,3,11,11,2,0,11,0,16,2,1,3,2,33,33,13,0,2,3,0,7,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,13,0,0,10,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,13,8,28,9,28,17,3,32,0,0,0,0,8,19,0,3,11,107,31,2,0.11974345310828086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401810468421165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299449759625866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336732952064362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300951119442835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30272943889872633,0.08554474682642907,0.2299449865299639,0.0,0.0,0.10185372004293228,0.0,0.0,0.0925134948349794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361059277807915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272816911977959,0.0,0.0,0.08026151253481864,0.0,0.0,0.11893226741712876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469437979325575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010161216676233,0.0,0.0,0.17550180813978306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067323677240335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967049080194712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182214035958415,0.0,0.0,0.27994737756961485,0.12037524373749467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226025468735966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900994246019906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5383866333908853,0.0,0.0,0.20291647847290747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955222950187288,0.07672676972306486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22700558462436024,0.2288400018758224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188049637114105,0.0,0.0,0.09504677947839302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871746600004719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thomasxx3,2019/01/30,"for some wierd reason my guitar helps my ptsd? sooo i bought a electric guitar 2 months back and i love it, i play almost everyday for 1 hour. but iv noticed that my ptsd really calms down when i play and if i have some dificulty when playing i dont really get frustrated. im more like ""okay lets do this again 4 times"" what eventually becomes 8 times and then its time to put the guitar back in the case haha. its so wierd but i just want to share it here and hope it gives someone some inspiration. :) ",1.3537165775401083,3.6631309313725495,3.065579322638147,89.59965240641712,82.82352941176471,6.454188948306596,19.07664884135473,7.686295010490155,0.5819686274509799,393,10,84,7,11,130,71,102,0.0,0.621,0.379,0.9918,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,9,12,1,0,3,2,4,2,0,1,0,16,10,11,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,2,6,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,10,11,6,8,4,15,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,6,13,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890364305250861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29032114818330257,0.0,0.0,0.2084932625724168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22124937405032066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863003478524464,0.18109548530654695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653560928099694,0.0,0.0,0.1875016610765751,0.18591079414539485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039153662456944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304088119763566,0.0,0.0922286308075337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703817979267256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068281719443335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21492788352100567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413486722172269,0.18977657319957236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418752817870206,0.1940978251878105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995312962476846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302383338174085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113476471523051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Wintyro123,2019/01/30,I don’t want to be a rape victim anymore I want the old me back. I used to love having sex I used to love dirty jokes I used to let rape jokes slide I used to answer the door without a knife in my pocket I used to walk alone at night I used to be okay I used to do my homework and I had a job and I was the girl who would flip off the cat callers but now I run for my life and I cry and I cry,-2.337291866028707,-0.7825353894736828,0.5718660287081363,106.34488038277512,92.36842105263158,3.454545454545455,12.846889952153113,3.1291,-1.8795263157894733,298,4,87,0,11,103,52,95,0.20199999999999999,0.6709999999999999,0.127,-0.8765,1,1,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,3,0,7,1,9,6,0,7,0,17,20,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,4,0,0,1,2,0,3,2,3,0,0,2,0,18,5,13,14,0,10,0,0,0,5,5,3,0,0,4,55,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013878691395362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418966186086215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404387536371264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972600414738354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427279613813056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836209665819452,0.09557238679285422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24424238686932925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269778501669257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198349707253058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8180416295921479,0.0,0.0,0.1596169041745803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304325541708084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611926785706834,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chlomydiaa,2019/01/30,"Does anyone else experience this? Hello, this is my first time posting in this sub but I am experiencing something that I have never really heard mentioned associated with PTSD. Some background, I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD due to a great deal of trauma placed on me by my mother’s long, particularly ugly battle with heroin until her death when I was very young. I live in the suburbs of one of the most dangerous cities in the US. I have been kidnapped, had a gun placed to my head, seen her be sexually assaulted, overdose, had to pull her out of public places while she was overdosing and staff were yelling at me (couldn’t have been more than 8 or 9) to get her out of there, and have had many more awful experiences that have left me with PTSD and attachment issues. I am not currently in therapy because truthfully I can’t afford it. The therapist I did see briefly wanted to see me once a week and although I have insurance the copay wasn’t doable for me so I’m trying to figure something out. Anyway, lately I have been experiencing what I can only call “the call of the void” if you’ve heard that term. Many people use it in terms of the urge to commit suicide, but that is not what I’m referring to. It’s like when you’re driving and for a second that voice in your head is like “what if you just swerved into oncoming traffic rn” or if you’re standing on a bridge over water and the voice in your head says “what if you just dropped all of your belongings down there rn” I have this intense urge to go back to the city that I roamed the streets of and go back to the urban decay and go into the abandoned house my mom died in and I want to walk around and go to the places associated with these memories. I spend a lot of time looking at the neighborhoods I used to frequent on google maps, and every time I see freeway signs pointing toward said city the little voice in my head wants me to just skip wherever I’m going school,work, whatever and drive there. Obviously I don’t do it, but the urge is there and it’s a recent thing and I don’t know why. Is wanting to return to the places where trauma occurred common? Do other people experience this? Looking for some insight from people who deal with what I do. Thanks! ",5.648465728171607,5.977746368778282,6.198516842634491,79.77970755823698,67.2126696832579,9.082084799731858,29.266297972180325,8.94667605116694,2.1711530752471924,1773,57,350,28,27,577,220,442,0.133,0.8029999999999999,0.064,-0.9907,2,0,2,1,1,2,32.0,1,5,0,1,15,12,3,0,25,1,36,6,4,2,5,63,62,29,3,9,14,2,0,2,0,0,1,8,0,0,25,26,1,1,5,0,1,9,8,7,0,3,16,16,43,5,63,44,9,70,0,1,6,0,25,34,0,10,26,244,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651088625126879,0.08280914717308865,0.0,0.07194650590342716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429044156189048,0.0,0.04926682813626975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650515284290923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664274891852904,0.0,0.08203010970419952,0.08387790010323312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072570498294928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751433689626697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809392977474918,0.0,0.0,0.237170990457282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874504086801303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04222486254078448,0.0,0.22965797331028856,0.0,0.0,0.08910380409945633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317765682924362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325487293098454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435457939857394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04441629357277063,0.0,0.0911679367452342,0.0,0.08781064296550528,0.0,0.0,0.07896866845180261,0.08100238925473636,0.07136511522557623,0.07152273033778216,0.13573608069261814,0.0,0.0,0.0687098642140956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387661259710334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465484289178774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062332994777305875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607014918641802,0.054765397136989406,0.06146688543461025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809023331641304,0.0,0.422195974645895,0.0,0.07640056784671717,0.0,0.07740275782777999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28342107539819306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177505284119791,0.0,0.07979952405271963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687786926230282,0.06427092470604577,0.0,0.08179366713533312,0.1932080767275749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244376271420524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840343533845554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440775388544657,0.0924241625172786,0.09383768975820732,0.053692896694815286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413795329333482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054871147704352564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972159293126853,0.1396042294692445,0.0,0.06668456659421464,0.19067778311071773,0.0,0.06482854251711027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292704447575814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883757178296039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lovelysilliness,2019/01/30,"Repressed childhood memories I have ptsd from an abusive relationship about 5 years ago, and I already had been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. Something happened recently that made me think I might have repressed childhood trauma, though. I realized it in therapy. I was wondering if anyone here wanted to share experiences of recovering repressed memories, or feeling that body trauma hunch that you have repressed memories you can’t or don’t want to access. This is new territory for me and I don’t know what to think or expect or do. ",7.418345864661652,9.561540578947367,7.589172932330829,64.8242105263158,64.26315789473685,11.323308270676687,39.88721804511278,11.20814326018867,5.4559323308270695,445,25,64,14,7,144,65,95,0.23800000000000002,0.713,0.049,-0.9607,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,3,8,0,4,1,0,12,2,1,1,0,24,21,9,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,4,6,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,4,1,10,1,9,16,0,7,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,7,6,48,16,0,0.0,0.24326786010415796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182001722516012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22657314968700634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706745230897556,0.0,0.0,0.1435628857562123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280616410783573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683980464360624,0.20839310881926135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084007446112215,0.0,0.0,0.1038147809017821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181561733738456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283721956774105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19427653969299802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178095972643632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19829708098331053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400053639657797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272642520667394,0.22043433500920395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806356999725438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23479864438126305,0.0,0.0,0.26311853967945825,0.20172356413102013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24220335769691795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22265825022559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221784512997456 ptsd,dykening,2019/01/30,"im ruining everything idk if this is even the right subreddit but it s trauma related so i ust had a fuckign AWFUL breakkdown in front of my partne rbecause i triggered myself by talking to my mom for too long and i feel like im ruining our entire rlation ship they said its okay and tha t i dindt scare them away or make them hate me but i dont know how thats possible",0.10797468354430252,2.4103763164557,2.4277088607594948,91.7278924050633,89.63291139240508,6.197974683544303,23.08987341772152,7.554174236665415,1.2365129113924045,295,12,64,6,10,100,66,79,0.26899999999999996,0.667,0.064,-0.9568,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,1,0,3,0,4,7,1,1,2,2,3,0,0,3,0,11,8,8,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,2,13,2,6,6,0,5,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,2,2,38,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22393522689879905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793413760373092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574262088657039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21421127313032676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051560626884973,0.17027542918201688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353187109005493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5149121822081973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098949694613465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644449956253375,0.0,0.0,0.21092994740343712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909873936162058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791495925610452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687008795638116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354737609408596,0.22672295707116996,0.0,0.23862732603582834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157461055356487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ShakeYourSkeleton,2019/01/30,"I honestly don't know if I can do this anymore I don't know what to do anymore. I screwed up my life 3 years ago and lost everything, I tried to get help, therapy, went to the doctors, things got better for a bit and now I'm back to being a miserable waste of space who contributes nothing to society and pretends to be OK all the time. I just screw everything up and do nothing to help myself out of these slumps. I don't even have the balls to kill myself because I couldn't do that to my family and I really don't want to die. I was tortured by my mother for the first 13 years of my life, it's been discribed as one of the worst child abuse cases that officials involved had heard of. I won't go into detail as I don't want to trigger anybody. I stayed strong for my dad and little brother and kept it all inside, trained to be a nurse. The PTSD got too much for me to handle and I ended up abusing over the counter opiates, got arrested and lost my job and kicked out of my family home. I was clean for a year but have relapsed since then. Currently studying for a master's in software engineering but screwing that up too. My credit rating is shit, I've lost a lot of my loved ones, I'm having to take medical leave from my masters and I'm lying to my aunt and uncle about it and about my mental health which is killing me. The post is so incoherent sorry, I just needed to vent. I feel like I was so messed up at the start of my life that I can never really recover from it. No matter how hard I try I always end up back in this rut. I'm sleeping all the time, still tired, no motivation, don't care about anything, I feel guilty and I feel this heart wrenching ache all the time too. I haven't left the house in a week and a half, I'm not looking after myself. I feel so burnt out. I just want to be happy but I have no idea how to get there, I think I'm beyond help. Thank you if you took the time to read this, I just needed to be honest instead of pretending to be alright all the time. ",3.740141843971632,3.953502021276599,5.081702127659575,86.53333333333335,71.34042553191489,8.157919621749409,26.541371158392444,8.045849151850463,1.3873271867612291,1557,46,347,20,27,522,204,423,0.17600000000000002,0.7090000000000001,0.115,-0.9641,3,0,0,0,1,2,36.0,0,2,0,9,23,25,7,1,22,2,33,14,3,4,6,56,70,28,3,8,10,4,5,1,0,1,7,1,2,1,17,19,0,1,9,4,1,3,14,13,0,4,15,7,49,12,61,47,9,46,0,4,1,4,14,19,4,3,23,239,66,5,0.0,0.20818015030842665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787536325915241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730997758431861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742508549717437,0.0,0.0,0.07229458607673116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351052978693599,0.0,0.05355367160003872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769782103407985,0.09591146542969224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957081484186206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117634900718233,0.0,0.0,0.08992008981972772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562132440360024,0.0,0.0,0.0580253175633951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791115391274899,0.0,0.16563780881587445,0.0,0.17768213756733728,0.06276137831635474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472673768633563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179793006407104,0.0,0.049928230203783834,0.0,0.2107894466462868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351992661629674,0.07869800063805181,0.0,0.0,0.0933824071069937,0.0,0.10410486378499413,0.17665572718315598,0.0,0.08812256732024355,0.0,0.0,0.10136923826790158,0.0,0.09917404389981656,0.0,0.0,0.08717940414357628,0.0,0.19439010866390166,0.0,0.0965621571215349,0.0,0.0,0.09302242304398438,0.0954512907418313,0.0,0.18615707662650674,0.04291997574171799,0.08805063197833679,0.0,0.0,0.0737734269149889,0.0,0.28770201222494285,0.07468850021412267,0.0792897234819192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850149515455391,0.08853400058683658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645812172107039,0.1302820653954261,0.06775676166765943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859243654841874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906137270326393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413778662959223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269410994907392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787562272995487,0.0,0.1125602877970095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017866029948056,0.072671957140164,0.0,0.08791529432653783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834295216347204,0.06218199073181418,0.09363838173054218,0.07015859991218812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605365697907366,0.0,0.0,0.08088217908114392,0.100466245435335,0.0,0.05836486466909493,0.05629191739092696,0.0,0.0,0.2561355975240672,0.100972776634398,0.0,0.0,0.09760663647443243,0.1192912771387766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554518897059437,0.0,0.07046945394307944,0.0,0.0,0.08143954396166482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972113081951626 ptsd,somecopthrowaway,2019/01/30,I let them down I let all ten of them down. I’m supposed to protect people. They’ll never get to see their loved ones again. I can’t help but see their faces lying there on the floor of the school. I should have been faster. I should have been better. I spend every day wishing I could trade my life for theirs. I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry. You all deserved so much better. ,-1.2204519230769255,0.7792210125000025,0.38000000000000256,103.29884615384616,101.375,2.4615384615384617,11.153846153846152,3.1291,-1.9770769230769232,291,4,68,0,13,92,52,80,0.105,0.703,0.192,0.7451,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,6,2,6,3,0,0,2,0,11,3,1,0,3,8,19,5,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,15,3,8,11,3,8,0,0,2,1,9,4,0,0,4,48,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681529969374221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16617706028471044,0.0,0.0,0.13422840158157598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536081363429326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874076845384167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950699115082485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256596646273928,0.14701031240652435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784792763624852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300151500747186,0.0,0.1605248032617423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103613395079648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429303843407065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106414487522122,0.33170970009359435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659751339844576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393423841032717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,itsyagirlflapjack,2019/01/30,"When is the right time to inform your partner about your ptsd? I have ptsd from my childhood. Mostly emotional abuse, but some physical, specifically an attack in a car. I’ve gotten a lot better in that I don’t have panic attacks in cars unless someone is yelling. But I do have some small triggers. If a man moves quickly near me or reaches his hand out too quickly, certain phrases, and certain men that look like my abuser can cause me to panic, noticeably flinch, experience severe paranoia, or even have a panic attack. In the past, I’ve let my partners know in advance to avoid behaviors that might set me off. But they all seemed to worry so much about it that their entire behavior changed. They would do something small (like move too fast) and if it triggered me, they would feel so guilty about it that they keep a distance from me for awhile after. While this stems from caring about me, I also struggle to accept it because I have abandonment issues from the emotional trauma and I feel guilty about flinching or panicking or whatever happened. And I worry that I’ve done something wrong to make them feel like they can’t be close to me. And I worry that they’ll leave. When is the right time to let your partner know you have ptsd? Telling them beforehand seems to make them unnecessarily cautious and distant but I don’t want to be triggered and not have them understand what’s going on. Does anyone have any advice or experience with this? ",6.681609566903683,7.4268985787545825,6.233380736910149,78.97485455720755,65.04395604395604,8.621331609566901,32.17603964662789,8.4952907291091,2.4841744882568397,1164,44,207,15,17,360,146,273,0.252,0.648,0.1,-0.9953,0,1,2,0,3,0,27.0,0,4,11,2,15,19,3,5,10,0,26,1,1,6,3,53,43,25,0,5,13,0,4,3,3,4,0,1,0,5,14,10,0,3,10,0,0,6,4,11,0,0,2,6,35,8,32,33,6,32,0,1,1,0,23,14,0,14,14,152,49,0,0.0,0.22213356058944386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916018152785444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496398504296617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06374653430634855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655453107695132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199289496099089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714314134911476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290556813784243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557435709525114,0.09629698288147427,0.09916467692006173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203265990004249,0.09592874615074357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21089016229349788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191450229810126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833917593141831,0.0,0.0,0.14219354899771056,0.06696800061032851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327470237995592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828941282355335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784038949463417,0.0,0.08332057571106409,0.0,0.0,0.10303429864867207,0.0,0.0,0.09925731158712386,0.0,0.1917113625197293,0.0,0.13739014528227764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871813894472082,0.0,0.0,0.07969454562823874,0.0,0.0,0.12514459104116882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944351331526106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992619444577534,0.06890981539287154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672381191398732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299516979784736,0.0,0.0,0.08948560510877053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32873174883515666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010719658123318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706750715626899,0.0,0.1058997170302118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942574709930103,0.14433153474501578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799758534277346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193304576783371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932130116619053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758682935326264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055290384649352514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855930975748708,0.0,0.13318066327658562,0.10249016709970983,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PTSDJerkthrowaway,2019/02/01,"Guys, If you think you have PTSD. Go to a Psychiatrist. Sorry, I’m not a mod but I’m just saying. We can’t diagnose you.",-2.8555555555555543,-1.4626543333333313,1.3752592592592627,94.8206666666667,110.85185185185185,5.122962962962963,12.807407407407407,6.742157984588678,-0.36360148148148186,91,2,23,2,5,34,22,27,0.052000000000000005,0.948,0.0,-0.0387,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144982492001429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320924065449455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043615229292981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773756854346801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247610647016646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571492388413341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616741375162819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,climchanwrit,2019/02/01,"Talking will help, but I'm going to hate it. (potential trigger?) Long time listener, relatively first time caller. I fucking hate this. It's been over four years since the last event, and I did all the work, did all the therapy, even did some medicine for it. Stress from a job flared up some anxiety, and now all these old issues come tumbling back. I did all the work on talking about the events, all the EMDR, all the hard work where you're so wiped out you just get home and cry and sleep for 12 hours. But I never realized that that was the only trauma. There was the grooming, the lesser events that didn't get nearly as violent but were just as mentally damaging. And now I'm in a wonderful job, surrounded by good people, and I'm sneaking out for cigarettes to bring the anxiety down. I'm going to have to talk about these things. I've never said them out loud in a straight line, described the event, described my fear, described the physical reality of what I experienced, and now it just rattles around my brain. There's crying, there's vomiting, there's more crying, and there's just a twitchy edginess about everything. There's therapy next week, and I'm just so crushed by the fact that this is back. It will always be a part of my life, and that's fucking depressing enough. I didn't deserve this, and they don't deserve to get away with it. The cases are still open, technically still under investigation, but I know the harsh reality of whether or not that will go anywhere. That part doesn't even matter. There's just the anxiety with a thin layer of anger on top of it. I'm so fucking angry that people are so selfish, that they can cause this much damage that's so far reaching. I just hate this feeling and I'm so so sad to have to do this again. It'll be worth it once the work is done and time can get in there and heal things for me, but the grief I feel for myself is staggering. TL;DR PTSD is back and that just stings. ",5.048831168831171,5.720986350649352,5.3115844155844165,84.41023376623377,68.6103896103896,8.757402597402598,28.387012987012987,8.841846274778883,1.9568410389610391,1535,50,316,25,25,486,182,385,0.231,0.718,0.051,-0.998,2,0,1,0,0,0,51.0,0,1,3,6,39,18,8,2,25,0,30,8,2,2,9,58,58,31,1,0,16,0,4,0,0,4,3,3,1,0,31,23,0,0,5,0,1,5,7,17,0,2,12,8,18,1,42,40,13,53,0,5,0,3,11,22,3,4,26,220,49,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623605905572517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026957354175788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156216554550293,0.0,0.0,0.08608099905696955,0.21135281226864294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227940054414836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941200637476996,0.0,0.07892342794533518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30192428684995243,0.0,0.0,0.0789130821630956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376015148945907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466904376049977,0.0,0.12102968813419525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234309829537048,0.0,0.0,0.10309916132466516,0.09265271867446953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793282430192561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541065725762899,0.1914728831062534,0.0,0.15621107434838905,0.07684739570204617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207447088593586,0.2713704763423191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614116632357294,0.0,0.09190339052174297,0.0,0.09022828551439717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562857963752794,0.1818395234751498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035253684400828,0.07468338997601273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471466213423144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108175232174372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233247597990857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735201896826018,0.0,0.14132761487535742,0.0,0.09744003356569172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614088702839067,0.0975734355451772,0.0,0.06968194247144575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984333527052916,0.0,0.1270370095501972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710011269456586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715260624295011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757898851580281,0.0,0.09168722465794192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633738898588247,0.0,0.10495161126837904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22092460528132968,0.0,0.0,0.20955332712772248,0.0,0.1217379183005329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027492544716254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349288544952608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935912805238648,0.26680488286665394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900095681058179 ptsd,throwaway3209850,2019/02/01,"Trying to find a partner when you have ptsd I already barely go out because, you know, PTSD issues. So I'm extra lonely but also don't know anyone to help remedy the loneliness. So I try online dating. Which inevitably leads to this conversation: &nbsp; Guy: So what do you do? &nbsp; Me: I'm actually on disability at the moment. So, tell me about... [attempts to change the subject until I get to know him better] &nbsp; Guy: What are you on disability for? &nbsp; Me: PTSD. What about you, tell me about your job? What are your hobbies? &nbsp; Guy: [ignores and very briefly answers questions] Why do you have PTSD? Are you military or something. &nbsp; Me: No, I've just had some difficult experiences that are personal. &nbsp; And then he leaves or pushes to the point where it's way too personal or it just gets awkward and fizzles out. &nbsp; I feel like a complete freak and I'm starting to be convinced I'm going to die alone. ",2.3488430361090664,5.235924581920905,4.0779710144927535,79.53238761974946,85.66666666666666,7.372046180299681,27.46966347334807,8.321376580360154,2.688775190370916,749,35,128,19,23,250,103,177,0.138,0.807,0.055,-0.9417,1,3,1,0,0,0,57.0,0,9,0,3,14,8,0,1,6,0,12,0,0,1,0,22,25,16,1,0,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,9,6,0,1,7,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,1,1,19,3,18,23,2,18,0,1,0,0,22,7,0,5,7,86,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.08262209872055186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08768875615614652,0.09343137100826147,0.06770761212782027,0.0,0.7338872336708369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059200647828900985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051611792622997685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488046489919503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895657224977548,0.0,0.08877100812413835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787025569834793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281989077799409,0.0,0.0,0.042809826865959126,0.06048562396597404,0.0,0.0,0.07738346732010437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846929796096098,0.0,0.09623562255660983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514988543335046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056750038386009935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836962360713144,0.08401824176050539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959115816950945,0.0,0.0,0.08964939030308078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041363679112601484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478547005499156,0.0,0.0,0.08003702314826126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958815108610477,0.0,0.09484563644481768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518025667076965,0.0,0.0,0.059927245222402975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800416173499434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496572454267788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698585671619751,0.0,0.0672041706356514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639816969097744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DancingChromosome,2019/02/01,"Is this considered a “body memory”? So, I’ve noticed that every-time a guy touches me in my waist and we start making out I get this feeling in my abdomen.... like it’s kinda painful and sharp and last a few seconds and it makes me SUPER uncomfortable... I get this feeling that something was there before... and I feel danger... I feel like I shouldn’t be doing what I’m doing even though it’s consensual. It’s something that I noticed when I first kissed a guy and I thought it was just “butterflies” but over time I’ve noticed that I get the feeling every single time and it’s kinda painful? The other day I was alone in bed and I was thinking about this and I got the feeling AGAIN without anyone being there with me.... I felt the feeling in my abdomen/pelvic/vaginal area and it kinda hurt... like something was there before... However I have no recollection of any sexual abuse or forced penetration.... but sometimes my area hurts down there. Anyways I just want to know if this is a body memory? Has anyone else experienced this? If it’s not a body memory, what could it be? 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I know it happened but I have little memory of it, just bits and pieces of dissociated memories. My mother and father were covert incestuous, I had to carry the burden of my mother's emotional issues and act as her therapist. My dad is a narcissist, and I had to walk on eggshells around him all the time. He always made inappropriate sexual jokes when I was growing up, and he flashed the whole family several times. He would walk in the kitchen wearing only a towel and then he would drop it and expose himself. Since I was a child I was terrified that I would become a pedophile, and when I became an adult these thoughts prevailed and I developed POCD. I'm terrified of being around children, I don't want to hurt them and I get disgusting intrusive thoughts about the most disturbing things. I would never hurt a child, and I feel like I'm a monster for having these intrusive thoughts. I can't be intimate with someone unless I completely detach myself from reality and I ask them to hurt me physically. Most of the time I have thoughts of my father raping my very younger self, and me crying and begging him to stop. That's the only way I feel ""satisfied"". I don't know if he did actually rape me when I was kid, but I have a horrible feeling that he did. I don't have any memory of this. I watch incest rape porn, and it's the only way I'll feel aroused. I feel disgusting about this and I feel like a terrible monster. I'm sick, I'm disgusting.",3.3768240670220853,5.3544065313531375,4.999884488448847,79.97268278750953,74.44554455445544,8.753947702462554,27.495430312261995,9.367010060515213,2.5933250571210964,1221,48,233,31,26,412,151,303,0.249,0.674,0.077,-0.9966,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,2,0,8,17,8,1,17,0,27,11,2,1,2,48,49,26,0,6,5,5,7,2,0,4,1,0,1,6,12,19,1,1,13,1,0,4,5,14,0,0,16,8,45,3,26,27,6,23,0,3,1,8,24,6,0,3,12,157,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.10764570546444388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178595342935243,0.0,0.0,0.07501392616115693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639685526988065,0.10312405669178032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182766213469373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042889595387547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565692402262576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211692947547898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408281669379598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398954053380303,0.0,0.3904289360366256,0.15760959266590896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057631917721928085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754591496332543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542643088978481,0.0,0.0,0.11513397289738443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124592113125028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778284472634196,0.1105586318558049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437707566486172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507712779164738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516849745030448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507638055625385,0.12461781083839372,0.0,0.09124877329304082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346448701930964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222329220669116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807729119632427,0.07328442103461467,0.0,0.0,0.3502922072187724,0.19296625540720985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101650601155067,0.06506312659409058,0.17511635434717115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315609772742205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31344149293238505,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fitzswackhammer,2019/02/01,"Have I been misdiagnosed? Is EMDR right for me? My therapist has diagnosed me with PTSD but I don't seem to meet all the criteria. I have definitely been affected by bad experiences, but I don't have vivid memories, flashbacks, or intrusive thoughts. When I think about the stuff that happend I don't really have any emotions at all. It just seems like some horrible stuff that happened a long time ago and which is the likely explanation for me turning me into a weirdo hermit. My therapist says that I have just disassociated myself from the trauma and that all the stress is stored in my body. Now she wants me to have EMDR therapy which will cost me an extra 50% per session. From what I've read about EMDR I'm wondering how it would even work for someone without vivid memories or emotions. When I read my therapist's CV I can see that PTSD is her specialist subject and that she has recently learned how to administer EMDR. She is a very well qualified and established professional so I don't think she is exactly scamming me, but I can't help but wonder if it might be a case of a person with a hammer thinking everything looks like a nail.",6.1235064935064925,6.904836909090911,6.9512987012987,73.21409090909094,66.27272727272727,11.012987012987013,33.44155844155844,10.914260884657429,3.826519480519481,920,39,169,26,14,306,127,220,0.11599999999999999,0.825,0.059000000000000004,-0.9275,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,12,7,0,1,13,0,26,2,1,3,4,37,40,16,0,3,10,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,1,14,7,0,0,9,2,2,0,6,3,1,0,3,5,28,4,18,33,5,11,0,0,4,0,9,4,0,9,10,125,42,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636208334221653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159592464786332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018493136652017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332795697766258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178524962162293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699406011435854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925091331000722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783743799204333,0.11737124485957268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061049532316818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042539767468948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758601634394305,0.0,0.0,0.10618556526641944,0.10075966330790467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272882597851714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476885503508784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28051899918102624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24004085290617666,0.0,0.07686735708601886,0.0,0.11847363110316099,0.0,0.0,0.1024690588278921,0.0,0.0954192385815815,0.0,0.0,0.09561486604544824,0.2184650574346752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016654057500564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744579821032998,0.0,0.27471500552469863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721668474935586,0.4179457949890306,0.0,0.2306503119260868,0.0,0.0952570342857117,0.06996594206592413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051244072792015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900262986202496,0.0707720052343402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788358242553107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566410781164475,0.26024363989459265,0.08735266102357961,0.0,0.0,0.08523600132553785,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,featherhoax,2019/02/01,"what to do when you fall back to square one (tw: suicide) normally i am pretty okay day to day and honestly i can even go a week or so without having one of those moments when you can't breathe. i'm hungover at work right now and all i can hear in my head is the voicemail my sibling left me right before their suicide attempt a decade ago when i was like 9. i mediate, journal, do the breathing exercises my therapist tells me to but what do you do when you just can't get this shit to stop? i want to shove a sock in my ear just so i can just stop hearing this ",3.2615000000000016,3.6881668166666657,4.5183333333333335,89.38500000000002,72.5,7.666666666666668,29.166666666666664,7.645422480735847,1.5244166666666672,438,17,101,5,8,145,76,120,0.11800000000000001,0.81,0.07200000000000001,-0.8582,0,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,4,1,2,12,4,1,0,5,1,13,6,5,0,1,13,19,10,2,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,2,1,4,18,3,11,18,1,21,0,0,1,0,8,6,1,1,14,71,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597819828134907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530261727190754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497292640125418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269596866757444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622012546025323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193199966016394,0.0,0.10000229937479453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18058604296254466,0.0,0.3966401163244713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19118139204044468,0.0,0.0,0.08596531953493766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240374422465346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23847052035390304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901489449215127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30053828720401404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062072994934866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29422139685554394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849440400021361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379706700428927,0.0,0.0,0.20430348244780366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037859500146619,0.0,0.14114474719474548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961946001220635,0.0,0.12810120160678898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BleuVitriol,2019/02/01,"Question about PNES Anyone with PNES what is it like? Any info is greatly appreciated, thank you.",3.0139215686274485,5.956051176470593,3.972941176470588,76.671568627451,96.05882352941177,4.6196078431372545,23.31372549019608,6.42735559955562,1.1912901960784312,78,3,12,1,3,25,15,17,0.0,0.612,0.38799999999999996,0.8347,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32028338544807217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293210252437984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192584662127238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300976376573934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5276067641046924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336162361122646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheGreatWitchPaige,2019/02/01,I'm in bed and I cant leave it right now I've had ptsd for a few years now. I'm a 6 year army vet with two tours and I've had some weird stuff I don't wanna talk about. I was in bed this morning and woke up to a neighbors car backfiring. There I sat up screamed and took a breath tears rolling down my face. They're still rolling and I can't get up. I'm so scared I feel like a child. I havent had one this bad in a while. I don't know what to do about the nightmares... I dont wanna keep being afraid of doors slamming or have to hide on the 4th of July. I have a therapist it just seems like I got better thentraughed I feel stuck metaphorically and now literally.,-0.08897091722595007,1.6619719597315452,1.6678926174496629,100.7969619686801,84.43624161073825,5.047158836689039,17.987024608501123,6.079149491110277,-0.6128714988814319,518,12,135,4,15,169,89,149,0.131,0.797,0.07200000000000001,-0.784,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,0,2,9,0,14,2,2,0,0,17,28,9,0,2,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,4,1,6,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,5,0,2,9,3,13,3,19,18,2,18,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,3,9,80,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18377440191807384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466066492165068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579556948314094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22257846219643151,0.1572395656900363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499322546552078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603416799653168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956350946489343,0.0,0.0,0.12096126674712156,0.0,0.0,0.2330542411790754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150595963981884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491455337385595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572852553671433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879642950725902,0.0,0.0,0.2203586112682139,0.0,0.0,0.2003708777479476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757722356575265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251961972472305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690813469323352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25555319700819673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445393256079215,0.0,0.0,0.21500582995026413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834745147880045 ptsd,theshadowsweare,2019/02/01,"How do you deal when no one in your family believes your trauma history? I was severely physically, emotionally, and sexually abused by my father in my early childhood, along with certain other relatives abusing me in emotional and sexual ways. I've expressed what has happened to me but I find no one can believe me. I don't blame them, it's difficult to see loved ones capable of such terrible acts of atrocity. But I find it's really contributing to my isolation. I feel ashamed of myself for having these dark, terrible secrets. I know it's not my fault, I was only 2-6 years old when much of the abuse took place. But I find myself compulsively isolating, feeling the need to be away from everyone; allowing others to live in their fairy-tales where nothing is wrong, all the while I have had to suffer daily for years because the adults in my life didn't know how to take care of their child properly. &#x200B; Can anyone relate or give advice? Any feedback is appreciated. Thanks for reading. 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This is coming from someone without PTSD, but I just am curious, I am tired of our military members or family members/close friends suffering. What can be done to change the culture in America? Just a normal citizen asking, no survey, no fakeness. ",4.029885057471262,6.88813520689655,5.4731034482758645,73.0405747126437,76.24137931034483,9.383908045977012,32.08045977011494,9.725611199111238,4.118508045977012,254,13,39,8,6,85,46,58,0.203,0.6679999999999999,0.13,-0.7193,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,9,1,0,1,0,10,11,3,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,7,9,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,32,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118945029189308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23977396255136524,0.1952456770825272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23194968512517286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213672858759197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511530070170306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038479721770075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207657917890308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314272043040849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.529901819093539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19204646959071808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260509867820202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23595882620298164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21849008912822093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,EthericElder,2019/02/01,"Finally Light at the End of the Tunnel? I just officially received my diagnosis of major depressive disorder, severe anxiety disorder, and PTSD, and due to the PTSD diagnosis, I am now eligible to get my medical cannabis card. I have been on countless meds over the years: the current cocktail is Prozac, Xanax, and hydroxyzine. However, talking with my doctor as well as the counselor who has worked with me, we have determined that medical cannabis would be a beneficial treatment to try. How many of you folks use cannabis medicinally for PTSD and, in your personal experience, how has it worked out in coping with PTSD. The frustrating thing to me is that SSRIs, benzos, and all the other pharmaceutical crap KINDA works, but not that much, and then ceases to work and have to increase the dose, or else switch medications (my SSRI before Prozac was Zoloft). I have heard that using medical cannabis for PTSD is a far more effective option, so I would love to hear feedback from you all. Thanks.",10.898806818181818,9.480690357954547,10.086590909090912,61.93113636363636,57.35227272727274,14.02727272727273,42.45454545454545,12.815532586354998,5.569706818181818,797,36,130,23,8,255,114,176,0.065,0.815,0.12,0.9372,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,3,0,5,6,6,2,0,11,0,15,12,1,5,2,27,22,15,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,10,2,0,1,8,12,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,1,0,3,3,15,3,24,16,6,16,0,1,0,1,11,7,1,3,7,94,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821626380184127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139163861352932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09250563781729558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24618519823658674,0.1099310358632612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972102844732205,0.0,0.0951267588166216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050602788480912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765421686915788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611338668743498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210504519935326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693497252008547,0.0,0.0,0.1088893033435722,0.0,0.0,0.11929999364187464,0.4327869804085996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895321412062674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377974254043916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6277390239706234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133428287873516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632608164531137,0.0,0.09888181547742664,0.0,0.0,0.07135346554875238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291926471385718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552259593131132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656776893112176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127612708288173,0.0,0.0,0.15259134514371514,0.0,0.0,0.06916370507887756 ptsd,secretbubblesnoot,2019/02/01,"How do I tell my SO that my past is causing severe anxiety about his new job/living situation? My SO knows everything that happened to me and has proven time and again that he is faithful, trustworthy and would never hurt me on purpose. He has encouraged me to get counseling, but I’m still working up the courage to go. I know it would help my current situation but frankly it’s still terrifying to me. Background is that my ex was a horrible person. A lot of bad things happened and at the end of our relationship he left me for another person who was friend of ours and that he had known since high school. It’s been 5 years and I’m still dealing with it, and probably should have sought help years ago. Fast forward to now. My SO got an amazing job 6 hrs away about 3 months ago. Prior to that he had been dealing with depression and a general “who am I” type crisis. This job has brought him back and he is who I remember falling in love with. I am beyond happy for him. The problem is that he is renting a room from and working closely with an old friend of his from high school. A girl I have never spoken to and only heard about from him. There are more than just the two of them in the house (her, him and 2 other guys). To everyone else it’s obvious they are just old friends. But for me it feels like at any moment my world is going to fall apart. That I’m going to wake up and find out he left me for her. Almost like a repeat of the past. Everything he says and does proves to me that it’s not going to happen. He drove back one night just to spend 12 hours with me. But there is a part of me that is living in terror every day and I don’t know how to tell him. Also, yes I will make an appointment eventually. ",2.754215291750505,4.1427333380281715,4.013234406438632,88.87160211267607,74.77464788732395,7.324949698189138,24.22786720321932,7.957251820313856,1.1248289738430586,1345,41,294,20,28,441,178,355,0.096,0.754,0.149,0.9685,5,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,2,0,2,2,22,16,0,1,16,1,30,2,1,4,4,52,51,25,0,4,8,1,1,2,3,4,0,2,2,4,23,22,0,0,8,0,2,9,4,5,0,2,10,3,38,11,48,37,3,57,1,2,0,1,45,20,0,2,32,200,61,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725250533574467,0.0,0.08881916926138994,0.0,0.0,0.07093250499048308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06031831632509161,0.09300856546784264,0.06785444126803805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333556771558116,0.1364080094457342,0.07405990442846949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111823784306072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057203474160535984,0.18288941114770044,0.07639626136187865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776210343461235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409657725355005,0.0,0.07856092775033288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747326769394886,0.08475563196885581,0.15943376399159048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04484884582960585,0.06336653574075847,0.0,0.0,0.08106921820698533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20558572774285366,0.0,0.0463415317857734,0.0,0.20163859166594808,0.0,0.07094063983829574,0.0,0.0,0.08782588928816604,0.2353085216072207,0.09442166394966564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890605072370458,0.18743058608381385,0.0,0.0,0.08735058235522469,0.10234666019185554,0.09495404271505027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640600147757945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462398423502755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927433013279649,0.0,0.0,0.08666763700188998,0.0,0.07832278322817672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540866126913218,0.08005425042717114,0.0,0.05920722680012179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079864239924585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682017110108516,0.0856659825915858,0.0,0.0832379403613122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186149219664332,0.0,0.060104692815351586,0.06745953577443099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605230121956132,0.16934633683938174,0.0,0.1548969747275136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563245223932512,0.08487290020705293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522945981779524,0.1004786007136126,0.0,0.0,0.07053695195074837,0.0,0.17953611201295752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020454758949698,0.0,0.07337267429439293,0.19940263495274105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212505248360619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505355470313684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892763005325825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0517210613609482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664596946847307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914775982250598,0.0,0.0,0.12601835477513276,0.0,0.0,0.11423840999610757 ptsd,ruhicuziam,2019/02/01,Moving forward I feel like old me should get a funeral at times because that guy died. Im trying to figure out healthy coping mechanism to embrace the man I am now.,5.517272727272727,5.747254212121213,6.578333333333338,77.28750000000002,67.48484848484848,9.024242424242424,34.68181818181819,8.841846274778883,3.0365272727272727,131,6,24,2,2,44,30,33,0.162,0.638,0.19899999999999998,0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21681035664981976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691245839110936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798351376539834,0.2540874679560402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582051764394866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3521647123256561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3841797176066597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376017311120764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780160857860448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732110595410048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073913835998037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414734934966807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,XxImperatorxX,2019/08/28,"Recently diagnosed and ashamed I'm new to this, I was recently diagnosed with PTSD. I'm not going to post anything about my trauma or PCL score. My therapist has warned me against doing that, since it can make some people feel excluded. Literally, the day I was disgnosed, it ""triggered"" me. Side note - I've decided that I really fucking HATE that word. Every idiot on Twitter uses that word to describe any event that makes them angry or upset. Anyway, I've apparently had this developing since childhood, and I've done considerable damage trying to ignore it. To the point of self-delusion. For approximately 30 years, I pretended this isn't real, it's just in my head, insert one of 100 other excuses here. And now I just feel absolutely ashamed of myself. I've had friends come back from overseas with PTSD. I've seen what this can really do. So I don't think I have any right to claim that I have it, too. I feel like I'm a drag on this entire community with some comparatively piddling trauma. And that makes me angry. That's always been my cycle, panic/pain/shame/sorrow, then anger. If I'm honest, those are the only real emotions I've felt (outside of my family) in longer than I can remember. I can feign happy all day, I can play calm. But I don't feel those things. Not really. I've cut myself off from just about everyone that I can because I think that anyone I meet is inherently disingenuous and can't be trusted. In other words - every person is not to be trusted, and my only objective is to get away from them before they can cheat me out of something, usually my dignity. I figured out early on that lying is a very easy way to keep people disconnected from me. But sometimes, I can't even remember what the truth is. I've adapted the lie so much sometimes that I believe it's true. Especially about embarrassing or uncomfortable situations. My girlfriend, who gave birth to our beautiful son, I sometimes question her fidelity and love. Even though she's the most trustworthy person I have ever met. Don't get me wrong, my family is the only place I truly feel happy, but there's always this sense of distrust lurking. She has PTSD as well, and is nothing but patient with me. She knows that I want to spend my life with her, she says she feels the same. But I need to figure this out before we go there. We saved each other from the throes of opiate addiction, but I'm the one that's dodged therapy for years now. I've finally decided that I want to figure this out, but I, of course, don't trust that it will work. I get memory/thought flashes that I can't control, leaving me feeling betrayed by my own brain. Some thoughts are entirely my own and completely unfounded, almost like I'm trying to imagine what could go wrong, but then it just cascades. Sometimes, I can't tell my thoughts from my memories, and everything just winds up feeling real, and I can't stop it until I've physically injured myself just to get out of my own head. Then it's pure rage for a while, and finally, this peaceful numbness to all emotions. Completely shut down. By the end of this cycle, I go back to my normal, semi-balanced, mostly controlled existence of not trusting anyone. So that's more or less my story, I don't know why I posted this. I guess there's some comfort for me in anonymity and I can actually say what's on my mind with minimal fear of someone using it against me in me or my family. So, ""Hi"" I guess.",4.6841359649122785,6.016228960902263,5.8540272556391,77.76790805137846,69.9172932330827,8.910087719298245,29.34288847117795,9.2995712137729,2.6162136591478697,2709,103,501,56,48,904,299,665,0.11,0.7929999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.8740000000000001,2,0,1,0,0,2,97.0,3,0,3,3,28,38,8,5,14,0,45,11,3,8,6,117,92,38,0,6,24,1,9,2,2,1,6,2,0,2,51,28,0,5,25,2,1,5,15,20,1,2,12,12,82,18,73,76,16,57,0,1,1,2,29,23,1,16,28,343,133,1,0.0,0.0,0.06360641600626382,0.0710559754653085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526849671758056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084701988280868,0.0,0.0,0.08864946303400315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115094126043387,0.0,0.053637702957937516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061238888779683275,0.1002390113620533,0.0,0.039733209434812115,0.0,0.11092699978170537,0.07343569940548529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276259456782708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056146920679406416,0.13668027705606692,0.0,0.1462101427206585,0.052041039436490764,0.0,0.0,0.08407159842924028,0.0,0.0,0.13231294370412675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667019150791833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663777293858696,0.057730259105583125,0.0,0.0,0.08610173780376966,0.05895916985266909,0.10983416125332694,0.0622824186823425,0.05857970857131273,0.0,0.18433811029306954,0.07334578063460111,0.2636563049314067,0.04656470629474817,0.0625831576978235,0.1428033186290826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050358015835060055,0.06025799075545628,0.13621573542738508,0.0,0.14817350654964398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436065492387995,0.0,0.0,0.13877094584009408,0.0,0.06435189569852559,0.13378725982789372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057935104840156224,0.0,0.0,0.07164260260326218,0.0,0.0,0.06901635885106433,0.0,0.0,0.04603866172870715,0.06368744977259427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882762273825421,0.0,0.13052475226450874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581336240471927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047914903914564384,0.0483302492181751,0.0,0.06295138707199988,0.0,0.0,0.06386269986731323,0.06254210393390426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833550185962577,0.14871730480743034,0.06935626637104557,0.07647485250565808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037540669805008,0.11382557133374015,0.06809937524997772,0.0,0.061616302043958425,0.0,0.12484911669558454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22857629307671376,0.0,0.07301667594395424,0.0,0.0,0.22256781320524016,0.12526820352719026,0.0,0.1287150531881229,0.0,0.14767278900264022,0.05566348492216139,0.0,0.10366772972885403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799710311317457,0.0,0.0,0.10783537362863983,0.07326521027565748,0.0,0.0,0.055226922593079285,0.050178857538083314,0.25785930739799223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054493517082328975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697031682658475,0.0,0.07453917260471303,0.07567916833876527,0.04330278993476031,0.08352960595811798,0.06403915833851341,0.15523725558751478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850607543214271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258942979126907,0.07178671756417578,0.05378044316611896,0.07688987273493943,0.05173696264076976,0.0,0.0,0.05860477525980452,0.0,0.058814939813102214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047451919490775735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425285057222269,0.0,0.08394774855312452 ptsd,talkshizgethit,2019/08/28,"Do I even have PTSD? I’m not sure if this even the right place to start, and if not I apologize and remove it. About two years ago, when I was 20 years old, my parents began severely fighting. Not even discreetly, very loud, involving others. My older sister was away for an internship and I was home for summer. I tried to hide it from my younger brother as much as possible. They would constantly drag me into the fighting, asking me to listen and then deem who was right and who was wrong. It began in the beginning of the summer, while some days they wouldn’t fight, other days would be 5-6 fights. In which I was brought in for just about everyone. It took a really heavy toll on me because it wasn’t just “tell your father he’s being an idiot,” it was more “who is right??? Me, right? Tell him he’s wrong and you get my side.” Other days, when we would be one on one they would try and turn the other to me, telling me horrible things about each other. Most of the fights would be me basically crying as they turned to me, and then crying for hours after. I’m not an emotional person but it was just how my body reacted to the situations. I attempted to tell my sister about this and her response was that I was being dramatic and to stop. When she came home one weekend she got dragged into a fight along with me, which I spent crying as they still turned to us for our opinions. Afterward, she did apologize and agree that the situation was bad. My parents made up their issues and are doing better now, this really is just the back story. Now presently is where I run into problems. After all of this, I can’t recall too many memories, it’s like the whole summer is a mystery. Except for the fight with my sister, my parents telling me some things about each other, I can’t recall much else. Now, whenever someone fights, it could be my parents, friends, in a movie, TV show, I just begin to lose it. I start to have a panic attack, I sweat, the chest gets tight, I begin to give myself asthma attacks because I hold my breath, sometimes cry, and badly shake. The worst comes when my family likes to watch a show with Gordon Ramsay, I just lose it. I really just can’t handle it at all, it’s really sad. I’m 22 years old, and I can’t handle movies or shows, or even a heated discussion with family or exes. The idea of others seeing me especially a male panics me. I’ve become more withdrawn from people. Even thinking about going around people and having them see me makes me panic. Is this normal? When I talked to a close friend she said that it sounds like I have PTSD, since I can’t recall the events or handle things now. Do you think so too? Or is this just completely different? Where should I go from here? Thanks,",3.7336991869918723,5.1454999814814855,4.602511291779589,85.52337398373984,72.33333333333334,7.564588979223126,22.615176151761517,8.096554002634818,1.0832574525745255,2130,51,426,31,41,689,245,540,0.18600000000000005,0.763,0.051,-0.9969,5,0,0,0,10,0,75.0,3,3,7,4,38,32,11,4,27,0,46,5,4,4,3,78,80,37,0,12,21,9,1,3,2,7,1,4,2,2,38,30,0,3,3,5,1,9,11,24,0,4,22,8,70,8,58,44,13,74,0,3,3,0,59,22,0,11,46,317,108,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057044521661068485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057287281371716285,0.060160809029011414,0.14642029520933236,0.06046120012573596,0.049483024979199916,0.1074631355059545,0.07845725404713591,0.07107217220945909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691447011613762,0.0,0.07148101152399053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736020043283876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543389625919616,0.06747226924755638,0.06954208506185543,0.0,0.051380156675293255,0.0,0.2827523678092054,0.12450592684187893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723456348529433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053758174435779724,0.0723877907674698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125207733298409,0.0,0.0,0.061491477969425376,0.0,0.0,0.12133143496802368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943701246090092,0.0,0.06724294810099285,0.06173268795000985,0.07314590623174602,0.0,0.05146849466424186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291014125635634,0.0,0.06337415326554953,0.0,0.0,0.07264602897109386,0.0,0.06716718851483093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431799930396682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398775448885295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089179884426455,0.042955728107228114,0.06524323522184285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946128400535249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305169075060749,0.0,0.0,0.1350540415322624,0.0,0.13082055935134926,0.0,0.0,0.22651103509889556,0.2858229077607368,0.0,0.0,0.08922770578796653,0.05619003532701832,0.06723456348529433,0.0,0.0,0.07254766424315535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06157655782923058,0.150449028660309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490318649416974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21982639911593066,0.061213870950163424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025610654823428,0.0,0.0,0.07269989719149249,0.0,0.0532329720175927,0.1446695924436911,0.0,0.0,0.054525581469017065,0.0,0.06364617116487425,0.0,0.09109792285463147,0.0,0.05139191144550705,0.053801489666529895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606513774011053,0.0,0.0,0.05172402318338032,0.28123417941749745,0.059247045837009085,0.0,0.0,0.128258629463416,0.08246884166084238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714978865665249,0.08738211364837145,0.20999080268638545,0.06286294608325181,0.0,0.07740801622561347,0.0,0.0,0.053097471262350114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184715878936389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285705004608356,0.14071849897695404,0.0,0.12432251123062445 ptsd,yourenottheflu,2019/08/28,"I should have been a damn sociopath Then people would be falling at my feet begging me to walk on them. I know i have my shortcomings and I'm looking to find them and fix them. I'm trying to heal and move forward. I'm trying to make something of myself so i can help others. I'm trying to help a friend who has yet to realize her husband is abusing her, but i can't force that. And yeah, there's a lot of positivity coming my way, but the negative is really dragging me down. Someone counterfeited my card and cleaned out my bank account, and the bank days there's no guarantee I'll get that money back because none of the charges are considered unusual. I've got some asshole telling me my trypophobia isn't real and I'm just trying to be trendy because a picture that included a hole and am irregular pattern of skin cells around it made me sick to my stomach, but no, I'm wrong about my body's responses apparently. Got someone sending me mixed messages making me walk on eggshells not knowing if what I'm doing is okay or if I'm heading for a huge fallout which is literally retraumatixing me. I invited my ex over because i needed to borrow money for groceries, and apparently he stresses my cat out so much because since he was here a few days ago she's been peeing anywhere that has his scent (a behavior she had when i was with him, stopped completely when i moved away from him, and only started up again when he came over so I'm kinda figuring it's to do with him), and i have no idea how to comfort her. I have bills coming up in a couple of days and since my bank account had been cleaned out i don't have the slightest clue how to pay them. I want to scream.",5.942026082906381,5.574664460176994,6.718863530507687,78.67039590125758,66.6401179941003,9.614718211457847,34.951249805930765,9.134995656068208,2.96008790560472,1328,58,266,21,19,441,181,339,0.113,0.805,0.08199999999999999,-0.9127,2,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,4,0,17,7,1,1,13,2,30,8,6,5,0,49,54,27,0,6,8,2,1,0,1,2,2,1,2,0,10,21,0,1,6,0,10,10,9,4,0,0,11,4,45,3,38,39,5,39,0,0,1,0,26,16,1,6,14,180,55,1,0.0,0.14858665659274475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116564034063486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163871887468604,0.0,0.0,0.11782390021034694,0.09643015661499638,0.0,0.3057875018161512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929878254521008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343207206001365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160538609068753,0.13148673698598665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876033722763992,0.0,0.24263120595202936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146196244651583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688905123486917,0.0,0.06551992344201324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20059869029014227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870364784123245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811518825540794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415691129247817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378406928692798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531020209609006,0.0,0.0,0.10661645230154083,0.0,0.11866303043497213,0.16742014420631662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665753525453892,0.09218849280117844,0.0929876190521711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537759001594702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694134652385546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274049456532822,0.08033886421974487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747574873993416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21251369991188745,0.09654434985759916,0.0,0.0,0.08876364138879499,0.0,0.0,0.10484577442151907,0.14365316746401566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961114838116254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405721824000791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396823222005758,0.09954215115338402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908545573465408,0.13711274624660474,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dddulcie,2019/08/28,"With abusive parents, have you made them aware that you have flashbacks, trauma, a CPTSD diagnosis, etc? I just started having flashbacks to my childhood a few weeks ago, diagnosed with CPTSD. My dad wasn’t around much, and my mom is bi-polar, and an addict. There is this vivid memory of my mom smashing all of the plates in the house. She was yelling and swearing and it almost sounded inhuman. This image won’t leave my brain. I was just driving to work and I can hear her yelling that day. There are about four other instances that keep presenting as well, and a hundred more I could always remember. I’ve had a hard year. Inpatient 3 times, outpatient, therapy, support groups. I think the pain and anguish, anxiety and depression that has progressively increased was the CPTSD manifesting. I’m in therapy and doing all the right things, I think. My therapist does not have an answer to my question (in the title) I just want to know why she was so angry that day, what made her smash all the plates. I was six years old, had to hide my three year old brother in a closet until my dad got home. “Don’t you dare tell your father,” she said almost every day. She’s mostly recovered now, a whole different person. Kind, understanding, affectionate, so she doesn’t know I’m having flashbacks. She’s fragile, in AA and NA, therapy and such. I almost want to talk to her and ask her why she was that way, I almost want to tell her about the flashbacks, and that I remember everything. I almost feel like a REASON for her actions would bring me peace. I’m afraid her knowing would cause a relapse, though. I personally am just feeling so much repressed anger. Sadness for and of the little girl inside of me. The things I went through have set me back so much as an adult. I’m not going to blame all of my problems on my mom or on my past, but at 27 years old, I’m just now learning how to feel and express things. At times, I just feel like a scared little kid stuck inside of my body. What is your experience with emotionally/verbally abusive parents? Are they aware of your trauma, CPTSD, or flashbacks?",3.849003511852501,5.874385509950247,4.402270997951423,84.55949078138721,73.25373134328358,7.3164764413227985,26.748902546093067,8.124751697461798,1.735028446005268,1653,60,314,26,34,524,200,402,0.11199999999999999,0.8320000000000001,0.055,-0.9739,3,0,0,0,2,0,62.0,0,6,2,2,22,17,1,4,22,0,30,5,2,5,4,69,61,27,0,7,11,9,6,2,0,3,3,5,2,5,16,19,0,2,16,0,0,6,6,11,2,3,15,12,53,6,38,42,13,43,0,2,1,0,45,13,0,9,24,213,69,2,0.0,0.1802869506963137,0.0,0.08293945668060287,0.0,0.0,0.06744116456616868,0.0,0.3809203674051864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330543840912302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058201712339434275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772816842068616,0.07112541053926348,0.0,0.0,0.05850154815359964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450877527185398,0.0,0.08493149268034418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815608482971907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607444413744441,0.0,0.0,0.14719774059105034,0.0,0.0655284038082075,0.0772205545752395,0.0,0.07948839132156055,0.0,0.0,0.06657894498986051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485036134897417,0.0,0.0,0.06410147492639949,0.0,0.06837664488590155,0.07442176000297178,0.0,0.0,0.15387524088035745,0.10870448024357424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04323855258903336,0.0,0.06084887939367275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815358015598763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574875095791369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763153880240726,0.0,0.0,0.08778719217299122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762423690210698,0.0,0.07922659337705201,0.1254362880008584,0.0,0.0,0.08055873229093162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433861046761749,0.15250618200379992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397925364281733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673152390394213,0.0,0.0,0.16778473892814955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395024511140641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809554863266659,0.0,0.1689577648981169,0.0,0.07262786781729269,0.0,0.13286188784205474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279918647847165,0.0,0.0,0.08522806691144365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822387957465878,0.0,0.0,0.1723697522436808,0.06497270871535635,0.07237039814288901,0.0,0.07617029530699375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053850482289768235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633575131063727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115097923444199,0.13299619331313428,0.0,0.2610155628758449,0.08833583752743747,0.15163439160849068,0.09749919115941977,0.07474913916947859,0.0,0.08872681814088053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920294369538558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462353223178475,0.06038951043357495,0.061027542490528476,0.0,0.06840590375555576,0.07052779539833309,0.1373024329300122,0.08494165466606145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538783185009031,0.0,0.0,0.1080914365669659,0.0,0.0,0.19597452878415106 ptsd,LonelyAssignment,2019/08/28,"c-ptsd destroying me. I've been having a nervous breakdown for a few years now.Alongside complex ptsd,self harm,addiction issues,and awful anxiety and [depression.Im](https://depression.im/) also chronically ill physically,and can no longer [work.So](https://work.so/) im stuck at home mostly.The isolation and cptsd is literally driving me mad!I feel like a fucking LOSER as nobody wants me and im mostly alone.I manage to get out the house 4 or 5 times a week,if my agoraphobia lets me.I am also very [claustrophobic.Im](https://claustrophobic.im/) looking for a bungalow in warwick or leamington spa.But council bungalows are hard to find.And i cannot afford private [rented.Plus](https://rented.plus/) because my landlord thinks im not keeping her house tidy enough,she has threatened to give me a bad reference,like she did back in may as i found a bungalow i was going to move [into.So](https://into.so/) i lost that propert because of [her.My](https://her.my/) cptsd gets badly triggered by my neighbours one side,as they have harrassed me for over a year now.And ive had to involve the community police several times.I feel really depressed,anxious and unsafe [here.As](https://here.as/) well as getting a lot of suicidal thoughts.I don't have the means to kill myself right now but i wish i did.Although a very small part of me doesn't want me to die.I really have had ENOUGH.Anyone else identify?ive tried literaally EVERY coping strategy to help me,and nothing [works.Im](https://works.im/) going to therapy twice a week,which is keeping me alive.",5.9633773922621485,9.207942171003722,5.578826931020242,72.81032493460006,71.5278810408922,8.446151727936115,31.524301252925788,9.150863307647796,3.4477962549910517,1280,58,189,30,27,394,175,269,0.14,0.8009999999999999,0.057999999999999996,-0.8844,3,2,0,0,0,1,108.0,0,0,1,2,5,10,3,1,14,1,21,3,0,1,0,25,41,12,2,3,4,0,3,1,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,5,0,3,6,0,0,4,5,8,1,2,8,4,22,2,24,31,4,16,0,2,1,1,7,7,1,5,6,101,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401918935620738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232679226761102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895940105725436,0.0,0.0,0.0538901066631334,0.07896874513697201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926314023103683,0.12870277982870534,0.0939640058523495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998793300010215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438325529798007,0.0,0.0,0.15927069308504402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493596866198073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793921927018344,0.05505981516508398,0.0,0.0,0.07044185259418198,0.0,0.0,0.08450479915334784,0.0,0.0712512565249222,0.12079985806847607,0.07393389842997884,0.08760289210613909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904082550818756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05165932694854709,0.0,0.07730888643121009,0.0,0.0,0.1778600684746782,0.0,0.0,0.7492529234354393,0.0,0.0,0.137009182185201,0.08526807202197742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881071623149752,0.0,0.03765318727254709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472055520449957,0.0,0.0841325246017857,0.06552333819085858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395333605546826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191468859223358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395207565229772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222556730111371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346080292232673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18018465699837524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987478096767197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658185444542214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040226658950941,0.08706873122353408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430358955253198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813784930147138,0.0,0.0,0.04938423358406309,0.0,0.0,0.04494094628001022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523264135226638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718393374927345,0.09091740328082082,0.0,0.1236440375586611,0.0,0.06929643393799427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862829289801187,0.0,0.0,0.11221777712298092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926289429600237 ptsd,vinterkatt,2019/08/28,"I feel like a fake and my family triggers me (TW: Animal Violence, no details) I witnessed 2 events as a child involving animal violence and details I cant remember. My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD last year. My family thinks what happened isn't a big deal but they don't even know about the second event I witnessed. My family decided to get a large dog who tries to bite our other pets. This large dog is playful but plays too rough for our other small pets. I'm extremely over protective of my pets because of PTSD. My family lets the large dog push boundaries and I get flashbacks weekly because of the rough playing and no one in this house seems to care. I don't know how to cope with this. I hate to say this as an animal lover but I want the dog rehomed, for other reasons as well (the dog has too much energy and my family isn't taking responsibility for training her). I know the world doesn't revolve around me but I can't move out since I'm going to college. I'm no longer in therapy because I got kicked out for not showing up. I have trouble leaving the house because I fear the large dog will kill my pets while I'm away. I don't know how I'll handle going to college daily like this either.",2.9106713505074167,4.786589770491801,4.4651990632318475,83.74412568306012,75.47540983606558,7.92630757220921,25.553473848555818,8.704169506293173,1.9147539422326307,960,34,190,20,21,321,126,244,0.136,0.748,0.11599999999999999,-0.7913,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,1,0,9,13,2,1,13,0,13,2,0,4,0,30,34,15,1,1,6,0,3,2,1,1,1,1,4,1,10,10,0,1,10,4,0,4,12,5,1,2,1,4,29,8,28,31,2,21,0,0,0,1,10,11,0,1,8,117,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364218200889262,0.0,0.0,0.10938432681501628,0.0,0.0,0.28388433904234245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870218609272565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002819245356618,0.0,0.11816806741920036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689705687795705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5487716629787808,0.13100954310750626,0.058867551322682836,0.08317344016013221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165363234252614,0.0,0.13233306146412604,0.0,0.09311503293554288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295349646979182,0.0,0.0,0.11494475047673733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686756887541597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880607870959904,0.0,0.25593468507330075,0.09490122589519442,0.0,0.12327637066222916,0.0,0.11905158727475038,0.0,0.11375792341698356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374045262292355,0.08558515044184838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889202104519112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721872156979562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197034225694826,0.0,0.0,0.13188587297904006,0.0,0.0,0.09258516160889096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598817884713936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963072647648027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753647599028662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314116861342898,0.13517741826501747,0.0,0.07459989802985742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904435950016638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866998353172209,0.0,0.0933884351791644,0.0,0.1046792980356263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497333921387392 ptsd,uhihatethis,2019/08/28,"Flashbacks and disassociation? Ok, so I have a brain that takes things very literal. I’ve been diagnosed with possible PTSD. But I have a hard time with the flashback and disassociation questions. Does a flashback literally feel like you’ve jumped in the tardis and your walking around your childhood home/room? And like you don’t know how you got there? The disassociation floating feeling, is it literally like your floating at the ceiling and you can just see the top of everyone’s heads? For me, a flashback just feels like it’s physically or emotionally ( it depends) is happening again. But I know where I am, what year it is etc. And the disassociation thing, I don’t feel like I’m floating around in the air, more like I’m watching someone else act out my life, like in a movie. I’ve tried to search for these answers on my own, but all the descriptions are very vague.",5.010070356472795,6.986640579268298,5.447073170731709,78.47916510318953,70.03658536585365,8.460787992495309,30.908067542213892,9.057496981413335,2.586853283302064,701,30,134,14,13,224,97,164,0.021,0.8640000000000001,0.114,0.8489,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,6,0,1,9,8,0,0,13,1,11,4,2,2,1,28,23,12,0,0,6,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,11,0,0,8,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,7,14,8,14,21,4,18,0,0,2,0,7,11,0,3,11,82,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564037060795349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076582309773402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616987909391774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602650153057812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203041480356347,0.16199492612729247,0.0,0.0,0.1606122505552638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761032524274228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912686327979477,0.3086481472757761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518012778977693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273499724582988,0.0,0.12900710990765954,0.0,0.14779859812566362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445649998039414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829124902412425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172044291568452,0.4925013835164792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235270320003928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834316274438738,0.0,0.16132720496996522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475949224447685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202151009822597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827964264167042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19135130371967732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397497500101521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777518346143464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23765115203808265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273946987118624 ptsd,Arayuki,2019/08/28,"What dream am I in? TW divorce, religion, angry outbursts. So I've been struggling with a lot of dissociation since January as the more I think about my past and try to deal with more recent diagnosis, I just feel like I'm more and more stuck in a dream. And as everything gets worse and worse I just find out yesterday that my parents are going to get a divorce... I'm 22 and married already, moved out and all that. It still just hits really hard. The past few months my mom has exposed a lot of stuff my dad has been doing in the background to be manipulative and he's been a lazy man with no job for years, only ever having worked part time. I'm number 7 out of 9 kids they have together. Things have not been easy growing up and it's been years of hiding behind corners listening to them argue and constantly believing that I'm just a burden and financial inconvenience just for existing. I seemed to be my dad's favorite son but it doesn't help the fear I've had my entire life watching my 2 older brothers grow up. If anything I'm only better because I've seen what my dad did to them and it scares the ever living shit out of me. I moved out as soon as I could on the best terms that I could and I'm glad I did. Even though I seemed to be the favorite boy, I still got barraded for doing things wrong and for being lazy or unproductive (even though in the first full time job I had, I double what my dad has ever made in any one year of his entire life by the age of 18) I've had some insane relationships and I'm just starting to feel like this hasn't ever been reality at all. I have memories that are as clear as day that feel like they were from a movie and not my past. One thing after another happens and I'm really just trying to keep my cool. I'm angry. Angry at my dad. Angry at myself. Angry at my ex. If I could have talked to past me, I would have told me to save up money and move out sooner than I did, and to move far away from all of this. I hated it then and I'm still here. The only anchor I have to reality is my amazing wife. If I didn't have her, I wouldn't be functional in public...",3.2558849171752406,4.010700891891894,4.878689334495785,85.5948779424586,72.73873873873875,7.891194420226679,23.78204010462075,8.155646560271837,1.1264922406277242,1652,42,362,24,31,560,203,444,0.153,0.7390000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.9448,3,0,0,0,2,0,39.0,0,0,4,4,22,17,3,3,17,1,43,3,1,2,8,69,73,34,0,8,14,11,4,3,0,2,2,1,0,3,20,28,0,1,7,2,1,7,7,8,0,3,19,8,45,9,62,43,16,60,0,0,2,0,31,24,1,9,32,254,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913855020557762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631524673584142,0.0868359833626418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814751884647982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780494124671254,0.0,0.0,0.0504816479727585,0.0,0.0,0.09330117498067013,0.08690646606608657,0.07324080557886481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949074499281097,0.0,0.1983568005458649,0.0,0.0,0.05340712337087968,0.0853759101849388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939356974884668,0.2996340944621294,0.0,0.0,0.07442641227599528,0.0,0.0,0.09318693181223528,0.12561725720755834,0.17748350645947392,0.0,0.0,0.07568899969624962,0.07044015383683859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08653208363997562,0.0,0.04706417442064685,0.0,0.06623261190780624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323069928950851,0.0,0.07418361142520026,0.08176006396770957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550738144612602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435698464594833,0.07360743341420571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698564236742699,0.1213738129427064,0.0,0.07312483390219855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080821959627926,0.0,0.07835906038305708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698883891131263,0.0661000382336199,0.3520657456693881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122316010160398,0.18894760165456095,0.0,0.0,0.09195332915589377,0.08967771934434451,0.316215084370766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610344080081542,0.0,0.08176721810628172,0.08890948641961934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290962230104276,0.0,0.0,0.15077853049264595,0.0,0.0,0.08500570078354923,0.06850324260192275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861501690887811,0.0,0.1984021806840668,0.0,0.0,0.08657346251285301,0.09480034318458183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656144066702838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505056315508404,0.05306281852462797,0.1627254527737277,0.0,0.09657710988758997,0.0,0.0,0.0791307618875424,0.0,0.11244831733882724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028838670319574,0.0,0.16878574592654097,0.05882752681754023,0.09054231906130407,0.0,0.15998534038071666 ptsd,Red7336,2019/08/28,"I made a sub for people looking for someone to check in on them every once in a while :) [My Buddy](https://www.reddit.com/r/MyBuddy/) is where you find a buddy who checks in on you. No pressure, no need to form a deep friendship, just a simple message every now and then to make sure you're doing okay",12.397241379310346,7.306609413793105,10.978620689655173,68.00344827586207,58.31034482758621,12.979310344827587,41.06896551724138,8.841846274778883,3.669317241379311,238,7,45,2,2,75,44,58,0.111,0.72,0.16899999999999998,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,1,0,3,3,0,1,5,1,2,0,0,2,1,7,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,5,2,10,5,1,10,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,0,3,32,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5469518349793411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29666378533820154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725687100646001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071291146939846,0.2166622598611428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406748337060663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456712381719077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502559297781966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750188676078388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059164649383122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HelpICantCope,2019/08/28,"Advice for after TCBT therapy Does anyone have any advice on bringing yourself round after reliving trauma in therapy? I’m really struggling immediately after my sessions - I’ve spent a long time avoiding thinking about my trauma, and I’m finding the aftermath of trudging it all up difficult. I’ve only had a few sessions so far and am feeling better overall, but I’m a complete write off the day of each one (crying, panicked, can’t stop thinking about it, followed by periods of numbness and inability to pay attention). I’ve talked to my therapist about this and I’m guessing this will get easier with time, but does anyone have any advice to help me through for now?",6.046146953405023,7.752371177419357,7.007526881720432,69.36184587813622,67.06451612903226,9.382078853046597,36.358422939068106,9.725611199111238,4.067515412186381,542,28,82,12,9,181,82,124,0.18100000000000002,0.74,0.078,-0.8958,1,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,0,2,5,0,6,1,0,0,1,18,18,7,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,5,0,2,2,1,6,0,1,2,2,4,1,21,15,3,18,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,11,52,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4869448092148704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22591287368067936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232287600782702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469055168720292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415691594975444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245747810284765,0.10712335837157126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29071751327887946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398718880033842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181607485094448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678250036078666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829823165734192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113360304697295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699684019925074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255639002279412,0.1263296002977679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064104954167964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388704073290788,0.0,0.17364799796142605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335081279848515,0.0,0.0,0.37990887047904254,0.1928595821343725,0.0,0.2128655117987024,0.0,0.0,0.1937131921735352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hopemakermachine,2019/08/28,"My abuser just called me useless and worthless and I'm just going to cope by self-harming. I got yelled at and called useless and worthless by her for no reason. BUT she doesn't know that I have razor blades now, so little does she know, I'm just going to cut until I have no room left. Thinking about carving ""Useless"" into one leg and ""Worthless"" into the other. I can't stand myself.",2.6041558441558443,4.64703876623377,3.5649350649350686,89.09597402597406,76.92207792207795,4.4,22.688311688311693,3.1291,0.059524675324675876,303,9,57,0,7,97,50,77,0.221,0.779,0.0,-0.9194,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,0,1,0,4,1,1,1,0,15,12,8,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,1,1,10,0,10,11,0,11,0,6,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,41,12,0,0.0,0.3092368326978424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330109033401956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22839880527691814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966593644505002,0.0,0.2087418381001783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868724571722646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835722308989996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26158592459160196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768572159106774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683467069311249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272275089707364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672352932272259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SoTheyDontFindOut,2019/08/28,"Anxiety while on this sub. I know the purpose of this sub is supposed to help get stuff off your chest or look for solutions, guidance, others with similar traumas to talk with, etc. but when I’m on here I just get anxious and think about all of the feelings that PTSD has caused me. I was wondering if anyone feels the same? it makes it feel like it’s difficult to find and create friendships through here because I’m afraid of triggering someone else through my own past trauma.",7.429130434782608,7.133178434782611,6.5925217391304365,80.56986956521742,63.56521739130434,9.968695652173913,36.87826086956522,9.3871,3.2653930434782605,384,17,73,6,5,117,71,92,0.127,0.75,0.12300000000000001,-0.1027,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,3,0,3,1,1,3,1,20,15,7,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,6,1,15,14,4,6,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,3,4,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487316746629486,0.2582452423752613,0.0,0.1598376760667432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934828913259506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23482817878671125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096028086878927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549418368177692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467507615212644,0.16330702322903404,0.0,0.0,0.2089300376945194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23886101770719045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322119917562887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562884100955826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116790877362844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919607100112406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525877318263263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21821806921182424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672132105576813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936862711790211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616845163034897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373455011128687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14647328831163414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478995673964131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,durdeee,2019/08/28,"No wonder what I do I still feel like I'm drowing TW sexual abuse (?) I got out of a long distance very very abusive relationship with someone who I suspect is a narcissist. I always labeled myself to be in the asexual spectrum because I honestly don't have a lot of sexual attraction. My ex conditioned me to be a sexual object he demanded nudes any time anywhere, said he needed me to be ready at all times and made comments such as ""it's mine and I'll take it when i want it"". When he discarded me I went into shock which gave me a psychotic episode (I'm bipolar) not sure if you've heard about this but these people literally throw people away with no warning or closure once they're not good for them anymore it was very traumatizing. I began to hallucinate things and was in a very very bad state of mind. After a while of me spamming him and trying to get him to talk to me all he replied was ""Would you do anything to get me to stay with you?"" followed by a ""make me feel good then"" he told me he wanted me to be his sex object and he coerced me into doing things he knew I wasn't comfortable with by telling me that he'll give me another chance. I wasn't in the right state to consent I just wanted the pain to stop. He ended up throwing me away anyways. I felt so gross and dirty. I ended up trying to take my life because of how used I felt. When I got out I confronted about it and he slut shamed me and said I asked for it. A few weeks later he manipulated me into giving him another chance and I was very traumtized and hypersexual and he took advantage of that. Things got worse and he abused me more until I finally found out that he was cheating on me all year. I have come to terms with the fact that it wasn't my fault and he's just a horrible person. But no matter what I do I still feel like a slut, like an object like someone who is only meant to please. I have not been coping with this good at all I have self harmed my breasts and I cry every time I look at my body. I'm currently doing EMDR with my therapist but I just want to stop feeling like trash all the time.",2.6058528538436154,4.091299212471132,4.223309798746288,86.818415704388,75.35103926096997,7.350419003629165,24.61161332893435,8.052868069273773,1.29976151765094,1641,53,350,26,35,550,204,433,0.244,0.669,0.086,-0.998,2,0,0,0,2,0,31.0,0,2,1,1,14,24,2,1,17,0,26,9,3,5,7,73,69,28,0,7,11,1,6,5,0,2,3,3,0,2,22,28,0,2,11,0,0,6,10,11,0,0,26,10,61,13,55,37,9,52,0,0,1,5,40,18,0,4,30,228,83,0,0.0,0.2863029437257694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702105837529483,0.0,0.0,0.054774314983573436,0.16891984960749604,0.0,0.0,0.07988038669269641,0.0,0.0,0.06628282532713156,0.0,0.07530001231350486,0.0,0.15135199101999214,0.0,0.0672528807162817,0.09820067733770292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946889403270243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938359271216094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847643973437308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268040834582935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786381708977463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290672271955686,0.17262709569224194,0.15467435335022295,0.08823464562090709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831497167314313,0.0,0.0,0.08416434056861508,0.1545348953183079,0.0,0.2026754999063439,0.19326094568173344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689230532582323,0.19675451576094355,0.0,0.0,0.07128103056264536,0.06763869101899443,0.0,0.0,0.06847767007592725,0.0,0.07621495250427031,0.0537653483657448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132890418301675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972413601412393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577928870603506,0.0,0.06125916779970255,0.0857070499983766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168146594071952,0.07033001085441486,0.0,0.088415761070947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647669141928001,0.0,0.06878618666963353,0.1532361452812845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402746314352626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649340899116116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585174681785011,0.1286489203559443,0.1346807963443765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591403006119625,0.0,0.12112173940978925,0.0647401463755972,0.07040110502138965,0.0,0.0,0.09352058010080468,0.16053435008247904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786901749714932,0.0,0.0,0.07696553824667593,0.08949001560555256,0.10937143864753268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695662295082648,0.0,0.3987552997775869,0.19003341764698625,0.0,0.06460946469283216,0.0,0.0,0.07466732102737228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734913640341564,0.0,0.0,0.08208366426488338,0.057217852542192485,0.0,0.0,0.05186924166305381 ptsd,xlime4,2019/08/28,"Can a breakup cause trauma? Hi everyone, I feel stupid coming on here. After all, there’s so many people who have been through so much, and a breakup is considered “normal” even though it causes a lot of emotional pain. My breakup did trigger suicidal thoughts and I almost acted on them because I was in so much pain, but I didn’t do anything. However, something really isn’t right. I feel much better than I did five months ago (I’m loving life again and I’m exploring many hobbies I want to try), and I’m over my ex, but there’s a couple of issues. Firstly, I kept having really vivid dreams of my ex up until about a week ago, getting really emotional and vowing to talk to him when I woke up. However, when I did wake up, I didn’t want to message him at all. Secondly, but I can’t remember anything from my relationship. Sometimes I’ll get vivid flashbacks of things from the past, but then it’s immediately forgotten. Not only that, but when my ex-friend declared last week that she was dating my ex, it triggered the flashbacks more. Why can I not remember anything from my relationship? Is this normal, or is my mind trying to protect me from trauma? Thanks for any advice.",4.059058709364386,5.752429144104807,5.139352256186316,80.87565623483745,71.96943231441048,8.232993692382339,28.44274623968947,8.841846274778883,2.3274393983503154,930,36,174,18,18,306,128,229,0.07200000000000001,0.81,0.11800000000000001,0.9092,2,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,2,13,8,1,0,7,0,18,5,1,4,2,34,33,20,1,4,8,3,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,6,1,0,3,6,5,0,3,11,4,26,3,27,22,7,28,0,0,2,1,14,9,0,3,16,122,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087824624677031,0.19736027732383066,0.0,0.11147279237093093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570270255605685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748252905665579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786079086090692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984551651830732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22871649200844274,0.0,0.0958939510778824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317555385314875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504442853533022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352705841002352,0.0,0.0,0.10637283644172027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257538481420623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469034272239532,0.0,0.0,0.08600701602924538,0.0,0.11632218571429527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619113077247548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074219824372788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862994305087674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464188992677236,0.10047235197636327,0.0,0.0,0.2257258474949167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240337454559432,0.0,0.08885607048506429,0.0,0.24550319392154685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21814363255094066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466531366322368,0.23690867936659704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626934029138836,0.07717658175798432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21394695978503647,0.0,0.0,0.2390360975033257,0.2522120008149901,0.09506828576456527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570102957874025,0.11010019565360214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176807933109343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894763183433185,0.0,0.10249023969807444,0.0,0.0,0.07395731714745256,0.0,0.10937319166346653,0.08837714584428298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511605118301385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132106988608652,0.0,0.17859141056951058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045069066725973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mediterraneanbitch,2019/08/28,"Huge car wreck, I have no money, can’t stop replaying the incident in my head and crying about how much I am burdening myself and my parents I know this is probably the stupidest thing to post about in r/ptsd, but I can’t get over it I haven’t been able to eat since the accident, maybe about a 100 calorie snack if I can muster up the appetite once every couple of days. Starting to get super lethargic. I spend my days crying for my parents who are having to help me financially during this with the little money they have. The accident costed my dad about 20% of his salary. I was sleep deprived from working 22 hours in 2 days (because I’m broke), and I caused the accident. The guilt is eating me alive. Nobody was super seriously hurt, except for my parents’ wallet. I cannot help but start bawling instantly when I think about how much stress they must be going through because of me. I had to drive 1 mile from the dentists office today after getting my chipped teeth filled (chipped from the accident) and I was shaking the whole time, holding my breath, definitely a hazard on the road with how slow I was going. Every minute of the day I’m replaying the incident in my head. I can’t do anything except for cry and feel like everything is a dream induced haze, nothing feels real anymore.",5.7228735059760965,6.418200776892433,6.136093127490042,79.01099228087651,67.12749003984064,8.82480079681275,31.225348605577693,8.841846274778883,2.534404183266933,1029,39,189,16,16,332,147,251,0.185,0.7,0.115,-0.9413,4,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,3,9,11,0,3,17,0,23,9,5,5,1,25,36,12,0,2,5,4,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,7,3,2,5,1,4,6,6,8,0,0,6,2,31,3,33,28,3,31,0,3,0,0,10,11,0,1,14,125,36,1,0.11369455755507007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275445045566665,0.0,0.0,0.09356093346369583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861429402168018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679562921631505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580086542963906,0.3746643983673382,0.2932943356277969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23267583251249346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19158513669241028,0.0,0.1021813372631054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497476887813285,0.08122341463458885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782021412581389,0.0,0.12923047430130674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333668338643013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241413070149487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196623716716204,0.0,0.12171237534947295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062483555462714724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555454178874785,0.11395181530215667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422146465125703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16715716333286906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909299433326383,0.0,0.0,0.12108099320720092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787330539634592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888795805924964,0.0,0.12258196270245153,0.0,0.13290285358105489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940929740401436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404931289669363,0.0,0.11377666640481525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094718604030972,0.0,0.0,0.09505374102132504,0.1302367315455205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553361207611066,0.07285088169626487,0.0,0.0,0.06629621081777355,0.0,0.10776914660652888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269359132435095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277099199573615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bigbadcowboy1234,2019/08/28,"A nice realization I had today. I took a long walk today and thought about everything about myself, existence, etc. Shit got deep/a little sad quick and there was a lot of things I was thinking about...I even cried for a second and then just sat down and was blankly staring into the horizon cause I got tired of walking. Anyway... basically made a big realization after years and years of coming up with new theories about my traumas and new analyzations and trying everything possible to “fix” it... but I realized something new today that I never thought of. (It’s not groundbreaking, maybe many of you have already realized this, and I know it won’t “fix” me, not that that is the proper term, but it was big for me). I realized I have to come to terms with the things I’ll never know. For all the “why”s and the “how”s and the “when the fuck did this even..”s and everything you could possibly wonder and not know/never know about the reasons you’ve been traumatized, about the people who have traumatized you....I realized I have to be at peace with the things I will never know. I have wondered and tried to figure out a lot for so long, but ultimately there are things I could never know, there are confrontations I will never get, there are so many answers to questions that I’ll never be able to ask...and that’s okay. Because it has to be okay, but it’s okay. I think this will help me move forward with acceptance and let go of a lot of pent up rage. I have to make peace with all of these things because at the end of the day, I’m the one who gets fucked over if I stay stuck on it. Doesn’t make things right, doesn’t make shit sweet, but it was a realization that I think will really help me accept things. I didn’t know who or where else to share this so thanks if you read this far.",5.0967789313750345,5.315828980501394,5.4994390985059525,84.69878640162068,68.38718662952647,9.089946821980247,27.18169156748544,8.97023862654752,1.7786089136490246,1400,39,299,23,22,448,157,359,0.11599999999999999,0.767,0.11599999999999999,-0.0048,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,3,0,0,19,17,6,0,21,3,33,5,2,7,8,77,64,28,0,4,12,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,30,23,0,0,23,1,0,8,13,8,0,2,17,2,28,9,43,36,8,48,0,1,1,2,10,16,4,9,25,209,58,1,0.07782273100644731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587931885041188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275374819455875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488002899411224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994538200148625,0.0,0.13407478373304454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427023643078455,0.0,0.08548461573665869,0.050189223385255305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501090576115466,0.0,0.06892784066137242,0.0,0.08679291658208141,0.102802359732204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20982615776979494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438917215933597,0.08131832987219731,0.0,0.044228451456503816,0.0,0.12448389445525965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432587232171338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993853640463113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795790151054343,0.0,0.0,0.0779988212334676,0.0,0.13774133600435706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848630880345447,0.0,0.07363774975321577,0.15584183175064056,0.15780006895982135,0.07818339338197114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271324703724793,0.0,0.0,0.36013012662814503,0.2254850356504749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052734696598077495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395248288420968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546687225913624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717926929590396,0.0,0.0778437909426901,0.0,0.04985523424764661,0.08001472883217392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646018706332796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976783007084666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059911740403399964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294867660902981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164871489707875,0.0,0.0,0.3619137512530525,0.14959699105433866,0.0,0.1235651110714213,0.0,0.08944578110570459,0.2213005482630582,0.0,0.08646391761779064,0.10567305187029996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687908641620904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023057449938116 ptsd,vr33mdsoortig,2019/01/17,"Lost my job, PTSD got me a bit lost For the first time I am starting to see that I have been living in a vicious circle for years. Every time I start enthusiastically and super driven to a new job, or a new project, or a new adventure, only to find out that I am passing by myself. My body hurts every day and the muscle tension worsens as I try to keep a job. What happens then is that I have to report sick at work, then sit at home for weeks because, among other things, my muscles can not get better quickly enough, then go back to work enthusiastically, and then get sick again. This happened to me again in recent months. I was offered a fantastic job and I started full of good sense. But then I became ill. I could no longer move my arms due to the muscle tension. I became uncertain about my own abilities. I was ashamed of myself to my employer and colleagues and hardly dared to go back to work. When I got better again, I had to report sick again after the second working day. And now I am at home without work. It is so hard to admit that I can not do this now. I have tried everytime. But it is impossible to keep up. I have been sexually abused on several occasions and I never realized the damaged it caused. I have incurred debts and I am unable to repay them. I can't sleep without having either sleep paralysis or nightmares forcing the terror to my conscious mind. My thoughts keep racing. My body hurts. I feel empty, depressed and it is difficult to enjoy the things I used to love so much. I can not afford to stop working, because I have to pay off, and because the fixed costs continue to exist. So how can I focus on my recovery if the worries about money keep following me? And how do I get to fully recover if I start working again? I am lost! So back to now. I don't have a job, and I lost interest in nearly everything I used to do. What do you guys do to keep up with day-to-day life? How do you manage to keep a clear head? I have so many questions but I don't really know how to put them into the right words so... anything helpful is welcome. Thanks in advance guys ",2.8358700067704814,4.512280677725119,4.463470548408939,84.53681042654031,75.1611374407583,6.908165199729179,25.56425186188219,7.6583078777640585,1.3677315368991203,1634,57,327,22,35,549,196,422,0.12,0.7859999999999999,0.094,0.3489,8,0,0,0,1,0,49.0,0,2,2,17,25,25,1,5,19,0,38,12,6,7,2,58,72,38,0,3,14,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,2,2,15,16,0,7,8,0,4,8,10,15,0,2,13,4,54,10,56,58,6,66,0,8,1,1,12,18,0,7,39,243,69,18,0.0,0.08117728658503534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638076755927636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804794263116145,0.0,0.12529556945894588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121189234915467,0.07479899024418837,0.15220609240320146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038223090559112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470244969872855,0.0,0.0,0.17674214173910194,0.0,0.05901057170087848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079275376846371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545114675302308,0.0,0.061575510331591775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03464248099777064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262009198430007,0.058277542712321564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073864179512386,0.0,0.07787559468914687,0.05746586788650512,0.10959299942321166,0.0,0.0,0.13567826081130346,0.1211725123594377,0.0,0.12274926580655532,0.0,0.07031461064490592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04592315060197938,0.0,0.13744924079200113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669022399886095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399453532909304,0.3653876470522991,0.0,0.0,0.03765322433628178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048393106761151286,0.0,0.0,0.06049867013263265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991622869311273,0.0,0.061836102979116986,0.0,0.0,0.06946192895946056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691790976012664,0.0,0.05468681698749055,0.07281900100018984,0.050365301108263455,0.0,0.052841830038268416,0.19851227735220692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210759926939893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008860769463727,0.06887498468844341,0.07675079295575762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043891498430828235,0.0,0.06764880946589387,0.0,0.0,0.058510149239551675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05459638398002063,0.0,0.0,0.07740074625215526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712594658385574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397681381576634,0.0,0.0,0.05728034853609596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307801988964558,0.0,0.0,0.09103464165475038,0.0,0.0,0.054392060939443064,0.07990153825534574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303232971099806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834732139202513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549573919487823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208912596895656,0.0,0.3491504756652721,0.06957877854213496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044120443617896216 ptsd,galapagosisland,2019/01/17,"Does it get better I’m trying so hard. I wake up and start meditating, seeking help, therapy, I try to process the past, I read self help books, philosophy, watch videos, and I even started going to a Buddhist temple. All the concepts make sense, but I still feel bad. It’s as if they make sense logically but nothing has clicked. I haven’t had any aha! moment. I feel like there’s no way out, there isn’t any light at the end of the tunnel. It’s just an upward battle forever and then you die. Is this it??? I don’t feel like I deserve to live. ",0.2325000000000017,2.5502272500000025,2.1746428571428567,93.72035714285715,89.0,4.985714285714288,19.607142857142858,6.5431188927421005,0.11661785714285733,420,13,93,5,14,139,79,112,0.16,0.735,0.105,-0.8561,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,1,6,5,1,0,6,0,6,1,1,2,1,15,16,9,1,1,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,7,11,3,8,15,1,12,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,1,9,51,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25799060590367645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583827333118138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776486745053035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196867658606591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599848024518005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800851371105094,0.0,0.0,0.12528806574290047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877379943921125,0.2710283036029425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910488714141014,0.0,0.1078048626164611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992445180507074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542896249497996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853453274611402,0.0,0.16749922355420566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532383071456133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820121040350767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108000484168785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897407418022361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978874234707308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26852628025069697,0.0,0.15148620718231473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692637096371867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575733145516819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056662367135065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,darkcoffeemagic,2019/01/17,"Overwhelmed by work atmosphere and dealing with panic attacks. Help?? How do you guys deal with panic attacks at work? Sometimes when work gets really busy, I feel my panic starting to build up. They really need me on the floor during those times, so I can't really run off to the bathroom for long. The the amount of noise and bodies and people looking at me drives me up the wall. It especially doesn't help if a customer is passive aggressive or just straight up aggressive. I try to do some breathing techniques to help calm myself down but sometimes it takes too long or straight up doesn't work. Coworkers are also starting to notice that I'm jumpy and kind of tease me about it or go out of their way to make me jump. I just laugh it off because I don't want to go into my abuse history with strangers. But it makes me feel pathetic to still be jumpy.. Any tips??",3.7307815126050414,5.5932867,4.138655462184875,87.01823529411767,73.17647058823529,7.210084033613445,26.84873949579832,7.957251820313856,1.604109243697479,689,25,135,10,14,216,104,170,0.18899999999999997,0.733,0.078,-0.9629,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,1,2,4,9,12,5,4,6,0,9,2,2,3,0,25,23,14,0,3,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,2,0,0,5,4,9,0,0,0,3,17,3,29,22,2,29,0,1,1,0,10,16,0,5,7,87,24,4,0.0,0.14851834830447125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024173935139727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524177940686295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28520570564101777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641173128075962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392347440803005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25845911807087674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676068086036255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654898026093573,0.0,0.14247771985264507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411545177362918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252056853459824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053194082770975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22186026004842133,0.10526178886836238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734317778325095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294487076485017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271093686305128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412109640162801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690137783018256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409057924617769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479472006592429,0.0,0.1774456698987053,0.0,0.10010406239860066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424702614027307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309214798796979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510390362161678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393422752915578,0.0994963896152199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650229490607008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,antisocialrmbly,2019/01/17,"I feel like I'm stuck in a glass prison. I'm completely new to this sub so I'm sorry if this post doesn't really belong here. I just feel so lost and alone. I finally have the person of my dreams in my life and he's so supportive and understanding, but I still feel like I can't tell him when I'm getting flashbacks or when I'm anxious or depressed because I don't want him to worry more than he does already and I'm still scared that he (or anyone) will find a way to take advantage of me. I feel like my entire life is made of glass and one wrong move will make the whole thing shatter. I'm sorry this post is kind of pointless I just had to get this thought off my chest.",3.8113165905631625,3.760260116438357,4.799680365296805,89.5447869101979,71.12328767123287,8.132724505327245,25.81126331811263,7.793537801064563,1.0766021308980211,531,14,125,6,9,174,83,146,0.201,0.703,0.096,-0.9329,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,0,1,4,0,9,3,1,2,0,22,31,15,0,2,7,0,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,4,0,1,5,4,15,6,12,24,2,13,0,2,0,0,7,3,0,4,9,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439599823592696,0.15338772166183698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702814739146995,0.0,0.09719061588614554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473187534222107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573673209378465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971875207136552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216380644909872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811262100446557,0.2979005430397139,0.0,0.15226548729201742,0.12704163086159226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524140986921932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447450012322471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19635676060447813,0.2037221683733692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173270918199375,0.0,0.0,0.13152324464315535,0.0927822275561494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477328498191192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424511027118902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418862506113762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136767024610692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26624327465397724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904566194200811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916122122783212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111937058483698,0.0,0.0,0.22200792454872464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773325467083418,0.0,0.0,0.1045091785834653,0.0,0.12149035661155735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234407818835301,0.0,0.0,0.11034886581454437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470179385633908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819846068858965,0.11033012262085293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518627502756396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411591905927984,0.0,0.0,0.15197246524198224,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Thrownoffthebed25,2019/01/17,Does Re-Framing work for any of you? My therapist had me do this thing called Re-framing with my flashbacks. It seems to be providing me with some relief although I’d like to see if there is anything I can do to receive more. My flashbacks have decreased a little :),4.091153846153849,5.668803500000003,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,71.69230769230771,6.7384615384615385,32.230769230769226,7.1686216300943375,2.0216769230769227,210,10,40,2,4,66,41,52,0.0,0.8440000000000001,0.156,0.8078,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,9,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,7,2,7,7,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,3,1,30,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408116291497901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29140802868031035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36159293847934426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098900777740405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730036258680009,0.3549181547513024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821853145572054,0.32237471797878703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4111570041517108,0.23525952744735698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578013142499319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yankh8r806,2019/01/17,Does Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) really work and is it possible for me to perform the technique? Hello and thank you in advance for reading. My girlfriend has PTSD from multiple sexual encounters with an abusive ex along with other encounters that I’d rather not get into. I read online about EDMR and I was wondering if it’d be able to help her. We don’t have much money so seeing a therapist isn’t in our budget. I was hoping I’d be able to learn how to perform it in an effort to help her. If anyone has experience with it I would greatly appreciate your input. ,5.347809734513273,6.716640982300887,7.044413716814159,69.71582411504427,68.38053097345133,9.897787610619467,30.9391592920354,10.125756701596842,3.4073194690265494,473,19,80,12,8,164,79,113,0.037000000000000005,0.8440000000000001,0.11900000000000001,0.8173,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,2,0,5,4,3,0,0,4,0,12,1,1,1,0,19,17,8,0,5,4,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,2,2,2,2,3,0,0,0,2,2,12,3,17,11,1,6,0,0,2,0,11,4,0,4,0,61,18,4,0.4039027055309366,0.2392793296974941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412090814564503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767289897312118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754717443099967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055112465852574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226520793748341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270727469613757,0.0,0.0,0.2005832608705067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845748110308668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276698064947276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360703242464757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040120073392485,0.0,0.12937520784149062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092908142429324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592967260649934,0.0,0.23448108595986325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190076274062044,0.14702299004226385,0.0,0.0,0.1434604467372116,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Dyanuh143,2019/01/17,"Nervous system response... Its wild to me to observe my nervous system responding to stimuli while I have a smile on my face. I feel my heart pounding, my hands are shaking. Yet I'm scrolling through nail polish shades on Amazon like I was before he decided to text (harass) me. I've tried explaining this response to people with and without PTSD, has anyone else experienced this? I had read about this kind of progress but hadn't consciously recognized it in myself. I think its awesome and sad simultaneously. Awesome that I can engage with him and it doesn't have to ruin my day. I don't have to tailspin and call my therapist. He doesn't have that level of fucking power over me anymore! Its exciting! But, it's also sad that he messed up the person he vowed to protect, to love and honor. That I may never *not* have a neurological response to him. Going to take this small win. Hope you all can feel good about progress too! ",3.712944915254237,6.0074090338983055,4.524375000000003,82.3285963983051,74.48022598870057,6.684887005649718,28.01165254237288,7.645422480735847,1.8090567796610169,737,30,133,10,16,237,109,177,0.07400000000000001,0.645,0.28,0.9936,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,5,5,18,2,3,3,0,16,6,3,0,2,21,26,9,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,14,7,0,1,6,1,0,2,7,9,0,0,3,4,21,9,24,22,1,15,0,3,0,2,12,7,1,2,5,92,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728961993473001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144137159227276,0.15117306144532158,0.22152390670657626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397148643843966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207658249944293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943203152271474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806085460185179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186358705389647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998747311455432,0.0,0.0,0.12287225068909545,0.1813394954658664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25619972646205513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147367953089604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22514051141335376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562509420785764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513022474409872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674786531646374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14988684396439353,0.1887787427243341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527278930267363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162599295321528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255656301330648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510265150794021,0.0,0.13853314161541508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678657394616892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841045598619407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,notalegalist,2019/01/17,"I suddenly have so many questions that I never had before. My head hurts so much. Just need to ramble-bamble some. I've just had such a bad night. I passed out. I fell asleep. I cried. I saw Broseidon, king of the brocean, (we don't use his real name) in my boyfriend's face, and I hate it I hate it so much. I just wanted to do my stupid Spanish homework. My boyfriend of 2.5 years...he is my world. He has done everything and more to support me. It's not so much of a ""I don't know what I did to deserve him."" It's a ""I don't know how this person so perfect for me waltzed into my life. How did you become so caring. How did you end up caring so much about me."" At least, I try to think that way. I'm starting to get to be way too dependent on him. He constantly has to keep me on track, wipe drool up from my face, drive me when I just can't. And he does so for me, without hesitation, but I feel like I'm tiring him out. I don't know how to not be dependent on him. I don't know how to properly function without him. And I'm just now realizing this. And it's terrifying. I love that we are teammates. But this is beyond that. I don't know how to go about not having my hand held at every step. I didn't mean for this to happen but it did. I love him so much, and I hate putting all of this on him. I know it must be exhausting in so many ways. I don't know how he does it, but he is magic. I'm just confused and tired and lost. ",-0.6109475055845088,1.2044833892405116,1.8885033507073707,98.0767870439315,86.94303797468353,5.11005212211467,18.15487714072971,6.37848985222837,-0.3439349218168277,1085,28,275,11,34,371,139,316,0.125,0.792,0.083,-0.9064,0,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,2,2,0,3,30,16,4,1,4,0,29,12,6,10,4,62,62,30,0,3,15,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,1,1,18,13,0,2,12,0,0,6,15,9,0,0,11,4,50,7,38,47,9,32,0,2,1,2,22,15,0,5,9,191,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655266163277689,0.0,0.11448550507649966,0.08820793364382144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21137873440705468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202078795221916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386681535781445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142899786847644,0.10608126264658556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918129377779446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733892043167005,0.0,0.09316388357570904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052414150513246514,0.07405548750212551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415862943858663,0.0,0.05891297366386952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916671398518557,0.0,0.0,0.3070315301126084,0.10638616171456072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109713169791871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213871994095273,0.0,0.0,0.3987858829910423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321887776299342,0.05064356157238928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131583007587146,0.0,0.187116321657714,0.0,0.0,0.21019210487008125,0.0,0.112917292046416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810140609016117,0.07686336824065508,0.07994980593911354,0.0,0.0,0.09727888987569956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051284595215847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420800445239296,0.1161241198126942,0.0,0.0,0.11798898937795615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337183728320339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763335122610012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642182655392961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382862964038831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037906050066142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952987975486443,0.0,0.0,0.061141983515576724,0.24684399162678197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998511402848314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,832Squiddy,2019/01/17,MGMT-When You Die No song has been able to sum me up quite as well as when you die as far as the place I’m at in my head. There’s just so much bitterness in me right now.,0.33747967479674656,0.6777030731707328,2.1156097560975624,104.23650406504066,79.24390243902441,6.442276422764228,16.10569105691057,6.42735559955562,-0.9918845528455292,130,1,40,1,3,43,33,41,0.268,0.682,0.049,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,1,6,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,5,1,9,2,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,2,25,5,0,0.3062428031538989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6356633603411019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142934670867492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251236970666638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31995854883776664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257269173259183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615296806111813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27534905831748635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,passepar2t,2019/01/17,How long does it take to figure out if you have PTSD? Does anyone know? ,-0.41000000000000014,1.8136790000000045,0.7083333333333357,103.34250000000002,92.33333333333334,3.0,7.5,3.1291,-2.455,55,0,13,0,2,17,14,15,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728113709884306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6828693662573188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144236402510873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452823945023173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4560802190843976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933543740851442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Manko_Mochi,2019/10/06,"Childhood cartoons Recently started watching the powerpuff girls again. The show that let me relate to one of the characters. I’ve always been Buttercup, even after the sexual abuse I was always Buttercup. So angry but strong. Strong enough to fight this shit. Smart and strong like Buttercup. The Powerpuff girls showed me just how strong I can be.",5.071214285714287,8.480643883333336,4.4695238095238095,78.28500000000005,76.83333333333334,8.761904761904763,26.904761904761905,9.23628265651192,3.172476190476192,283,11,43,8,7,85,44,60,0.147,0.551,0.302,0.9452,3,0,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,0,4,5,8,2,0,5,0,5,1,1,1,0,4,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,4,6,4,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,6,29,6,0,0.0,0.37561394289221794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5275679739555849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275638604071359,0.0,0.20938709368083006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32417191072881457,0.0,0.15487875566715348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148192879147069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130165730389537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254139466192396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22438664475033449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,IWorshipS8n666,2019/10/06,"PTSD triggered from the joker Last night I went on a date to see the joker. From when the movie first started I felt like bugs were crawling on me. My date held my hand and could tell I wasn't feeling right but wasn't sure what was wrong. The only times I have ever had an episode were in situations of extreme violence or embarrassment. I have never been triggered by a movie or fantasy. A little over the halfway point of the movie, I said I needed to go to the bathroom. I ran to my car and felt like I was having a heart attack. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't get a hold of my emotions. I was 40 minutes from home. I sped the whole way, took a med, tried to pull myself out of it. I ended up going to the hospital at 8 am today. This feeling was unlike anything I had ever experienced. My date, she was scared because I just left and couldn't respond to her calls or texts. I couldn't tell her yet, what I was going through. I think I have pinpointed the triggers from the movie. Seeking help and getting none. Misunderstood. The uncontrollable laughter when you know you shouldn't be. Especially through tears and pain. Putting your passion and art in front of the world, to have them RIP you apart. The loneliness and abandonment. I guess this speaks volumes to Joaquin Phoenix performance and ability to strike emotions. But I cant ever watch or finish that movie. And I really want to. I have never felt so crazy, and overwhelmed and embarrassed in my life.",3.1551902834008096,5.349506442105266,3.7558771929824566,87.65851214574901,75.80701754385964,6.630229419703107,26.400134952766532,7.61054688173877,1.4304709851551958,1156,44,228,16,26,364,157,285,0.17,0.72,0.11,-0.973,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,4,1,2,8,13,1,5,21,0,28,6,3,3,6,47,50,20,0,8,7,0,6,2,0,1,2,2,1,0,6,12,0,3,7,2,0,10,11,9,0,1,21,11,40,4,32,22,2,46,0,2,2,1,15,15,0,5,22,157,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054076292786576,0.0,0.0,0.13899328719543075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447759635198019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475575936833652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754790977173346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748639996170257,0.1082120220370056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315466318475382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355211253795335,0.0,0.3519254968641216,0.0,0.0,0.10392317911773556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766424741743096,0.0,0.20830698239278908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459107330928669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477961625419292,0.08189226215694932,0.0,0.12255288577398968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714495146742623,0.09959006853810501,0.0,0.0,0.13274501058001176,0.0,0.08629680092773566,0.11937843039415973,0.12245284461531833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571043207595804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059224875270566,0.18845993541916609,0.0,0.0,0.11465427019037602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292065382715604,0.13000429828699986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549618411421253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14281766758467165,0.12282102225622928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826932710064957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433797371387384,0.11621772969595552,0.0,0.12231988517419985,0.0,0.09735876853189178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733138689704166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647708117333418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514980632784542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135751086312853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782857006076394,0.0,0.0,0.0712420384030474,0.0,0.11580893668733835,0.0,0.13574247022517855,0.08294975229156447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720628032138102,0.09697793545619604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325874213752013,0.0,0.13640558177414847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358070828945492,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OL_TEAM,2019/10/06,"I feel free.. Hey, I've been posting on and off here, and sick of you see this, thank you. After a few talks I've figured out where every little trigger comes from. It is wonderful being able to suppress the event every time is comes to my head. These past few weeks have been solid.",1.4989473684210533,3.778907228070178,2.399210526315791,94.78197368421051,81.98245614035088,4.5017543859649125,18.271929824561404,5.46131890053228,-0.4483543859649126,220,5,46,1,6,69,46,57,0.055,0.81,0.135,0.596,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,6,2,1,1,0,10,12,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,3,8,9,2,13,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,5,29,7,0,0.2561765218732549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4413467803487224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43167953696201455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953054670235606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629110183703092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567561749040666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445494771056769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453462942233465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204139520646888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590498448754185,0.0,0.235852922939719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937859002131207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548935351713232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778125102127492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alikatbar,2019/10/06,"PTSD attack immediately upon waking up every morning I have medically induced C-PTSD and during the worst part of my illness I would be woken up by like an electric shock every morning and immediately feel super hot and when I opened my eyes the room would start going black like I was about to pass out even though I hadn't moved. It was really traumatizing and it happened for months causing me to eventually be afraid to sleep and having to be drugged to go to bed. It's been almost 2 years since this has happened though and sometimes I wake up and immediately have a PTSD attack even though none of those symptoms are happening. It ruins my morning and sometimes my entire day. Also, I had similar issues when trying to take a shower so now even taking a shower is a fucking war in my mind. I can't afford counseling right now, does anyone have any resources or similar experiences to this? How did you move past things?",8.258232323232324,7.541943863636366,8.52984848484849,68.73838383838385,62.06818181818182,10.549494949494953,34.32828282828283,9.725611199111238,3.25184797979798,744,26,128,12,9,246,113,176,0.145,0.8059999999999999,0.048,-0.9568,3,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,14,11,4,1,7,0,19,9,4,3,0,19,30,17,1,2,1,0,2,2,0,2,4,0,4,0,8,10,0,0,2,0,0,5,3,8,0,0,7,4,15,3,19,18,3,23,0,1,2,1,1,9,1,2,11,93,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158313684257629,0.0,0.0,0.09250490842506147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866267134870136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088234592852568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26319303568887675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882964303398272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074600525380088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012275919905843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414577200687042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292058791426209,0.0,0.1949216212672772,0.0,0.0,0.11315192149634265,0.0,0.0,0.05848853606670201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069392720655602,0.0,0.0,0.13148104285559548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068719093712118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207341934301651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302549973882857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165299553950374,0.0,0.0,0.11679833627891588,0.0,0.09233033476880048,0.24588751403889916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526428228530873,0.11042446184262368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40565213155326735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741040888254596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09878544710137424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956871961227836,0.0,0.11575810452153573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288102066029633,0.0,0.08187505299993889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023016479734365,0.17394575510862406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684904152918216,0.0,0.3409490205641317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853543705517498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434378526339385,0.0,0.0,0.0744906277928039 ptsd,Lonestar189,2019/10/06,"Unbelievable how true this actually is https://youtu.be/wlXkgQ92EU4. I don’t know about you guys but I would like to share something that has so far helped me tremendously. Recently I’ve started a new volunteer job at a wildlife scantuary. I don’t think I’ve been this happy for years. Symptoms have been decreasing and I almost feel like a new person. I’ve been waiting for a job like this for years and it’s finally happened! Sometimes the thing that makes us happy is “doing what we love. With people we love.”",3.895263157894739,6.770410368421057,3.8897368421052647,84.09565789473685,76.89473684210526,7.589473684210527,26.342105263157894,8.548686976883017,2.1838210526315787,415,16,74,9,10,127,65,95,0.0,0.64,0.36,0.9917,2,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,3,1,0,0,3,9,0,0,5,0,11,3,0,2,1,15,20,5,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,8,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,9,9,7,16,0,9,0,0,0,2,10,2,0,1,10,45,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.1665709031540096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092351885824333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863070732328883,0.1219424968363816,0.0,0.18698489280620376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690120518894946,0.15094249310105795,0.363409907859677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441134144939147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33877121564761514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380793455454232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501746685543157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081126359626794,0.0,0.11393832694755987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32971105928521544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833643570738725,0.14904179019625236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853789291437696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140714638805948,0.16881888815949458,0.0,0.12081677317335515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741448727888603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340027125268402,0.10937262919492327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20532162413961924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125479678549253,0.0,0.0,0.21984027983690535 ptsd,joylessmillennial,2019/10/06,"Avoiding EDMR because I’m worried it will make me kill myself [30F] Trigger Warning I’ve been getting professional help for 16+ years for long term depression, anxiety, and self-harm all independent of any trauma. 10 months ago I got PTSD from watching the person I loved most in this world suffer to death against their will (no right-to-die legislation in my state). It was recommended that I do EDMR but I read that EDMR has you recall the events and I’m worried that if I purposely recall the events that I’ll kill myself. Everyone tells me how much EDMR helped lessen the severity of their PTSD but it doesn’t work immediately, right? So after that first session when I’ve just recalled everything I’d be extremely at risk, right? But on the other hand if I keep avoiding this treatment then the PTSD will never stop. I don’t have any friends or family nearby who can babysit me. I’m in the US so I don’t get time off work and I can’t afford hospitalization. I’m worried that if I bring up this concern that I’ll be involuntarily committed. Not to mention that part of my PTSD comes with a complete distrust of hospitals, doctors, nurses, all of it. I can only trust hard data from actual test results which has already led to a statistically unwarranted biopsy that I needed to get or else I’d lose my mind but who knew you had to be awake for biopsies?! They messed up the procedure and I had to hear the whole conversation that basically went “oops we need to get another doctor in here to fix this” and I could feel all the blood running down my ribs and it’s like, what the actual fuck doctors truly are idiots. If I didn’t have so much experience cutting I’m sure the incision thing would have f’d me up too. The lump was benign. The PTSD isn’t too bad if I just avoid everything but mornings are rough from nightmares and trying to reconcile my reality again. So I guess my question is for people who got EDMR: how did you feel after the first time?",3.5838849431818147,5.6199943723958325,4.7122443181818205,82.00377840909094,74.02604166666666,7.779545454545455,26.48011363636364,8.575989854853784,1.9273187499999995,1565,57,303,30,33,513,210,384,0.156,0.754,0.08900000000000001,-0.9765,1,3,0,0,0,2,34.0,2,3,3,5,13,22,6,4,17,0,31,9,3,7,6,55,56,27,3,9,15,0,5,1,1,4,4,1,0,1,26,10,0,5,5,1,0,5,9,16,0,2,11,7,37,6,36,37,9,38,0,3,1,2,21,14,1,10,19,193,63,9,0.0,0.0,0.17001057534661584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772163905687189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612634746947253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847347453985801,0.09134081141750468,0.06663773054156935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273192237695696,0.0531005063680586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503622187820376,0.09133155898356407,0.0,0.0,0.0695490141699104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502638565552766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674775879653451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276793761472546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323586281862755,0.15657492723478084,0.08520878493375925,0.08211810002035654,0.0,0.08808930550877334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818881663286895,0.0,0.0,0.06729977715290107,0.08053036407960262,0.1820422923136526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393371798116217,0.0,0.09595978516234163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803206688131778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817756095017896,0.0,0.11677392400283053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742599823319317,0.19274520111498109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042556791665211785,0.0,0.0,0.07708824256470385,0.0,0.09745208097092337,0.0,0.0,0.0786187826320803,0.0,0.058145570899845365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795470889933331,0.0,0.06952913864950147,0.0,0.12806947622061748,0.12917963300145885,0.06718341146211862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624990617251413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432996937197904,0.0,0.060390035528832514,0.07605974399540419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5091256188781057,0.0,0.09758140661396957,0.0,0.08713202895253422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22317043684278007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087311743076004,0.09840776103264544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282656981423888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209868905134046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613663015074494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787098765474584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158728259747099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05914092378828485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478074738780696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075041156926102,0.0,0.09725348048835533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683198709283705,0.26538859674859194,0.0,0.061879347997466715,0.0,0.0,0.05609498980874926 ptsd,kmusk,2019/10/06,"Things keep happening and I’m struggling to maintain any semblance of spirit I was followed home last night, and no that’s not a rarity, and no I shouldn’t be reacting to the extent that I am, but the aggregation of all of these things — of SA that happened because of my ex, of physical assault, of being followed three times now — it’s making me feel broken. How can I heal when it feels like the universe doesn’t want me to? How can I ever be happy when things keep happening?? I’m not trying to sound overdramatic and I really do understand that these things happen a lot to women, but I feel so exhausted. I’m so tired of narrow escapes or no escapes at all. Please help ://",4.748996683250411,5.59975617164179,5.8912935323383095,79.34367330016586,69.3731343283582,8.940630182421229,29.067993366500826,9.150863307647796,2.40837744610282,533,19,102,10,9,178,80,134,0.17600000000000002,0.684,0.14,-0.8096,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,1,5,0,10,3,0,4,3,25,27,13,0,2,5,1,3,1,0,1,3,1,1,1,12,4,0,2,4,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,1,4,10,2,14,22,4,11,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,8,75,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889262490405273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761262670163262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484506837810024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24289679373583914,0.11439557382037363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5664031345968521,0.17045938052833806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107330515580824,0.0,0.1606215785177688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846584930905348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052580453130566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823051986815444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613521673648782,0.0,0.0,0.10688677556593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026941018543946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577261000511493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258218555224023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674006974394963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255280788203923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093372005015239,0.18404373889154035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871649465113407,0.0,0.0,0.16669903893555404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444772460082007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Johnathydongle,2019/10/06,"Can someone get ptsd from trauma caused by an abusive parent Let me preface this by in no way am I self proclaiming that I have ptsd I wouldnt want to claim something that could be untrue because I understand how awful this can make people feel but other wise after my mom divorced my dad when I was 6 I think, my mom remarried to her now husband and he was abusive to me and my brothers ever since they got married until I moved out last year when I turned 18 he would beat us with his hand and a 2x4 paddle he made he ripped me and my brothers hair out before if he was pissed off enough he would whip us bare ass with briar Bush rods as well as mentally abusing us calling us pigs when we would eat something in his presence it didnt matter if it was the first time that we had eaten that day or the third time he would always say we were fat pigs and threaten to beat us within an inch of our lives if we said anything at all he didnt agree with I mean throughout my childhood I was horrified by him he would turn my arm behind my back and shove me against a wall and said he would kill us and my arm and shoulder is in pain alot of the time I think because of that and I was always just horrified by him, I feel terrified right now just typing this out and ever since I've moved out I've noticed that in my adult life it's like he is still there like he's still affecting me I'll have anxiety any time I hear boots on hardwood floor because of him coming home from work being pissed off and me and my brothers trying our best to be quiet and hide from him I cant watch certain movies with my wife or eat certain foods because it remind me of him I cant talk to adult men as an adult man because it takes me right back there in that house I'll be just sitting there and I'll start like daydreaming and I will be right back there idk it's just I'm horrified and I want to know why any advice would be appreciated",5.486471380471379,4.703129118518519,5.7786812570145925,86.42088383838389,67.69135802469137,8.548821548821548,29.02637485970819,7.348242739294969,1.4324320987654318,1523,43,337,12,22,487,196,405,0.184,0.747,0.069,-0.9940000000000001,1,0,2,0,1,0,2.0,12,0,1,5,22,13,3,0,9,1,36,15,9,5,5,70,59,31,1,14,10,9,4,3,0,9,3,5,1,6,17,30,5,0,7,0,0,3,6,5,1,2,15,10,59,8,44,27,4,49,0,0,1,1,55,20,3,6,27,216,76,2,0.0,0.2497022861678867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864693664924144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11690631804143901,0.0,0.0,0.09554405202189446,0.0,0.053740626905837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057809300884117114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620524420862949,0.0,0.21411702334736007,0.0,0.05977709664022846,0.0,0.07372244992378364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717325293774133,0.0,0.0,0.07216552273856529,0.0,0.06051366953237757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608845907263249,0.0,0.0,0.045305075174601576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376542336868045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072586447119821,0.0,0.0,0.1270892749662885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104045205723468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975413509405623,0.08494589788121766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036702431313325325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056184892053734815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917622089871945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704659129452639,0.0,0.0,0.08105841825006335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772059354984431,0.0,0.038607253308936884,0.05726266709672529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183480871974675,0.04961925476682004,0.10296097922015396,0.0,0.06203153976414572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647171570377486,0.046892044590357264,0.0,0.0,0.07652223105312826,0.0,0.0,0.07079490949663729,0.0,0.0,0.1645505827924903,0.0,0.14932806774845644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997944945902241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07475035375744804,0.0,0.07800368615685717,0.0,0.0,0.04870211427984801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423566475009962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799779056896144,0.1336466027989609,0.05586517178567761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328548346301135,0.0,0.0,0.11622212019291388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595221198713676,0.10816289712164244,0.0,0.0,0.049722912971291236,0.0,0.11220258201983087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05281883385772042,0.0564638363352434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900260051656444,0.0,0.0,0.16385204622305993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04769475632412356,0.15282242930914994,0.0,0.07313214123588281,0.5070085376425194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286987590354676,0.05576073312602554,0.0,0.0,0.06316268034253593,0.0,0.06338919015236671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511424266904631,0.0,0.0,0.3493222906629011,0.0,0.0,0.04523833411040603 ptsd,asmmurphy,2019/10/06,"Help Hello, I’ve been suffering from moderate-severe ptsd for about 3 years now and decided to get help about a year ago after some issues. My problem is that I’m currently deployed and many things have been triggering me out here. In a deployed environment I’m not able to get the medication or psychotherapy needed to get me through and I’m at this complete snapping point. I’m currently taking SSRI blockers and medication for the nightmares and daily interactions, but doesn’t seem to take even the slightest edge off. I feel like any day now I will just lose it, is there anything y’all could recommend to take the edge off?",6.1932142857142845,7.4094965882352986,6.572594537815127,74.43435399159667,66.31092436974791,9.983613445378152,33.36239495798319,10.125756701596842,3.4880663865546206,510,22,90,12,8,165,83,119,0.064,0.8490000000000001,0.087,0.4118,2,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,0,6,0,8,2,0,1,0,19,21,7,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,6,1,17,17,1,15,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,3,10,56,10,0,0.17897265708363388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864846191243687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170754405078997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727924732115727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876494258548952,0.0,0.0,0.1428951035436313,0.0,0.0,0.1154225577804386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820975207241087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049395294813962,0.12785810198097586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805174795065635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399231989229229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868009554392155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743699999296509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200224623843872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18145018341350774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605922462665577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270595747321096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918701001912229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125266204373796,0.20920945866628093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292998526603095,0.0,0.2021881599630287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036954941146991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890148080164754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305050466256089 ptsd,throwawayhardship,2019/10/06,"How to overcome trauma associations with big yearly events (birthdays, New years, etc) For me, my birthday exacerbates trauma symptoms dramatically, and I don’t want to waste the opportunity to work on this aspect. I understand it’s just a day in the year, but irrationally my brain believes that day just sucks. Well that time of year is coming up, and i want to know if anyone here actually managed to conquer this stupid issue. I will be seeing my psychologist just after the associated day (also we have bigger fish to fry), so i just wanted perspective from people here, anytype of insight is appreciated. Oh, side question. Has anyone successfully practiced emdr on themselves?",7.039030131826742,9.298794974576273,7.9233333333333364,61.60857815442563,65.35593220338984,9.312241054613937,33.45009416195857,9.725611199111238,3.733703201506592,549,24,79,12,9,184,89,118,0.135,0.7440000000000001,0.121,-0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,4,10,7,2,0,4,0,7,2,1,1,0,19,15,7,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,10,3,16,13,1,19,0,0,1,0,2,7,1,2,11,57,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.17788306193037476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577259047881036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549146697346533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537184588359625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034894265139685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702167792996125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3526746424881433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032950419862536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025732185814265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017861652882873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605119401836433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637289660424267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041999959187992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525688864645234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946305525399376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629136949146924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18976425683993803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32254779122080096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389536656064524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270505184039258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695401342317549 ptsd,essieelf,2019/10/06,"Struggling (TW triggering material) A little over a year ago I was in an abusive relationship where I was sexually assaulted multiple times, and once quite violently. I’ve been working to recover for around 6 months now. One of my greatest joys has been film and film critique so I often try to see the newest obscure releases. Last night I went to see a film I did not know contained multiple incredibly graphic rape scenes and ended up having flashbacks as well as a panic attack in the venue before leaving 1/2 way through. I’m now terrified to go to sleep as the similarity of once of the scenes to my own experience has flooded my mind with the memories. I’ve had some herbal tea and watched meditation videos but I can’t get myself to let my guard down and settle. Does anyone know something that might help? And will it get easier?",5.245358649789028,7.034463177215192,6.274113924050635,73.53159282700423,69.12658227848101,9.570464135021098,32.154008438818565,9.928628108626363,3.428935021097047,674,30,118,17,12,224,111,158,0.11900000000000001,0.799,0.083,-0.5853,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,7,8,4,2,10,0,13,3,1,1,0,20,22,11,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,2,2,4,0,2,2,6,1,1,7,3,11,2,22,12,3,21,0,0,3,1,2,8,0,4,10,76,13,1,0.0,0.19613160567431376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467365646134782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574574334048135,0.0,0.0,0.14736101942403246,0.0,0.18831967104890185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085787671219696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486057182207532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661465171977986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192474530315218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297014527437235,0.0,0.09407721095250372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109544509812421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194713468660045,0.13493291169136448,0.0,0.17527739477853038,0.0,0.16927049319890936,0.0,0.0,0.1659093031200511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560620636217378,0.16714290489893865,0.0,0.13212825503520975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15534314557396356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3525782042317345,0.11217062802328973,0.0,0.0,0.1942193580827743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17606657854106014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777223676510065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638195215553513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656542933036378,0.0,0.0,0.12743673483583998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730528580596402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652464164007599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238722660880301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131393776437808,0.0,0.0,0.1488356166584612,0.15345236804681708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051126666262076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659894921193673 ptsd,lightbringer1979,2019/10/06,"My wife experienced similar PTSD side affects from a medication after surgery. Now I’m curious about the physiological mechanisms of social anxiety and PTSD. My wife came out of a leg surgery heavily medicated. She an extrovert and high energy. The medication she was one made her very sensory sensitive, which is what I experience much of the time. If medication can cause that sensitivity, then it made me curious as to what is biologically going on in those moments. Does anyone have a simplified source on this?",7.101187800963082,9.553652280898877,9.123627608346707,52.296292134831475,65.51685393258428,14.074478330658104,38.556982343499186,12.785403640627713,6.636221829855537,419,23,63,20,7,149,69,89,0.019,0.905,0.076,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,0,5,5,1,4,0,9,10,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,7,0,12,6,1,13,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,5,45,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941236486666188,0.0,0.0,0.11828556635811788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348209038412595,0.0,0.17378120608455788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803926508580434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547787981485604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614155871092922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873432409262344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32013999170655755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6816722048971591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435727965409868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463200184779612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3954945633217046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17244454993418776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864269366973402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395805702262404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Last4eternity,2019/10/06,"I’ve noticed a disturbing pattern and I would like some advice. Hello All, Longtime lurker, diagnosed in mid 2018. I’ve wanted to make a post for a long time but kept getting embarrassed so I would just delete it. I’ve come to the conclusion that I have trouble speaking up for myself whenever someone is actively violating my boundaries. For example, I gave birth to twins last year and a had a baby this year as well (they are 12 months and 23 days apart) and I do not like when people touch them. Whenever I go out, I put signs on the car seats that say “DO NOT TOUCH” and sometimes people still ask and I say no. I’ve had two people not only ignore the signs but also just walk up and do what they wanted anyway. I hate the way my mouth seems to stop working whenever people do these things. My body responds but it’s as if my voice has been stolen from me. This has happened in many other traumatic experiences I’ve had throughout life. I have an idea and I would like your opinions. In order to help strengthen myself in these situations and gain some confidence, I wanted to go back in the store with the car seats and everything but without the kids actually in them. I planned to cover them up just like I normally do so it looks like they are in there. I know it sounds like a lot of work but I believe it will be worth it. What do you all think?",3.5842997715691425,5.0787088708487085,4.508539799683714,85.72338253382536,72.83763837638377,7.671129854155684,25.81989105605341,8.269060116576782,1.5531927956422429,1068,35,217,17,21,346,151,271,0.113,0.7390000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.8159,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,6,5,12,13,2,2,14,0,22,4,2,1,2,50,39,22,0,8,13,0,2,6,0,4,2,5,0,1,16,13,0,3,5,0,2,7,5,6,1,1,6,8,31,7,28,28,5,36,0,0,1,0,17,14,0,6,18,149,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.120151196581586,0.0,0.0,0.12031528115757575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846216376510328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151042557100188,0.0,0.0,0.09467470355600484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871850843641012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367629319097175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060603650948944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940475021265972,0.0,0.0,0.12496819902348605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065585081150747,0.12043883091603197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432717260484114,0.0,0.139948335651202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887808625454608,0.0,0.0,0.1215593922114687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825273761344668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899193228890705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676656929401061,0.1003624375371351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696607422707626,0.3609128030411253,0.0,0.0,0.108960805145644,0.1033930931448862,0.0,0.0,0.10467556385023598,0.0,0.0,0.08218618053956171,0.12482834176485988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827634768004907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206353114634338,0.0,0.14017741239727605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364129829943334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414345262040501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791869205184667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237735585021864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582618477657426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208740328568688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383964580169847,0.0,0.0,0.10432250784926546,0.0,0.12177271680626026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832693096925743,0.10293712009706918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179806932480113,0.07889284396143233,0.0,0.0,0.07179455476033028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027419074704293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21786505499380104,0.09773004610373164,0.0,0.0,0.11070320126458648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868707655309685,0.0,0.17927137747702446,0.0,0.0,0.2623911256258913,0.0,0.0,0.15857555058588316 ptsd,j7762000,2019/10/06,"a message. underneath is a message i sent to a friend anonymously. i no longer can talk to him but he’s dear to me. ————— so recently i got diagnosed with a mental disorder and i don’t know how to feel. i knew beforehand that i had it but needed it to be a proper diagnosis. i also haven’t been to any of the sessions because my mom thinks that it’s all in my head and i can beat it by myself even though i’ve been struggling for years. my friends are of no help also. one is proud of herself because i listened to her and went to a therapist while the other is away and distant (my fault). there’s also this one friend who told my to “stop overthinking”. with no doubt i would’ve done that if it’s that easy. i feel empty but full of emotions, it’s actually confusing. i know i’m not supposed to depend on others but i need to be heard. and i know that time is supposed to heal, but this isn’t the deal with me. i’m in no way writing this for you to pity me nor it is a cry for help. i swear i just wanna get it out of my chest. i’m just writing this to someone who would just read and not reply nor bore me with advice. you’ve actually given me so much help in the past, and i’m forever grateful. you might not recall any of this and i don’t expect you to. bye!",1.0789285714285732,2.597584296703296,3.326103479853483,91.4761881868132,79.65934065934066,6.454761904761906,22.36401098901099,7.333567415737692,0.6545923076923077,975,30,227,13,24,335,132,273,0.11900000000000001,0.7390000000000001,0.142,0.9091,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,0,2,12,11,0,3,11,0,20,4,2,2,1,46,41,24,0,6,12,1,2,0,3,2,2,2,0,0,22,13,0,1,7,1,0,2,13,6,0,2,11,4,35,5,37,26,3,17,0,1,0,0,27,8,0,5,7,166,57,2,0.0,0.0,0.2535454450709515,0.0,0.0,0.1269458498035856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116652248758965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668553717948626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205404962422535,0.0,0.0,0.1583829887421213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269924951945326,0.0,0.13393076855342034,0.0,0.13185518972176838,0.0,0.0,0.14888729544040236,0.0,0.0,0.13294230211124367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461304603307071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580385754909263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137207568221748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30110277404718777,0.0,0.0678722396125931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390032266593363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332440525553999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26122636612706884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21418423686963356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309180043057007,0.1378132220073685,0.0,0.15214818452134654,0.0,0.0,0.09549827204030592,0.1926521775288435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605978721045268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240131120892943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299444403129895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826974657988896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007171562207133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086099792256804,0.0,0.13580939102799264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441616241920466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083469266026636,0.0,0.08324062433091106,0.1276352129422647,0.0,0.07575114879533586,0.0,0.0,0.1241338889724172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311594366581947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042720871480388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845676575910757,0.0,0.0,0.08365732030676838 ptsd,Joodbj,2019/10/06,"a message to a friend sent an anonymous message to someone dear to me who i no longer can talk to. thought why not share it here. —————-— so recently i got diagnosed with a mental disorder and i don’t know how to feel. i knew beforehand that i had it but needed it to be a proper diagnosis. i also haven’t been to any of the sessions because my mom thinks that it’s all in my head and i can beat it by myself even though i’ve been struggling for years. my friends are of no help also. one is proud of herself because i listened to her and went to a therapist while the other is away and distant (my fault). there’s also this one friend who told my to “stop overthinking”. with no doubt i would’ve done that if it’s that easy. i feel empty but full of emotions, it’s actually confusing. i know i’m not supposed to depend on others but i need to be heard. and i know that time is supposed to heal, but this isn’t the deal with me. i’m in no way writing this for you to pity me nor it is a cry for help. i swear i just wanna get it out of my chest. i’m just writing this to someone who would just read and not reply nor bore me with advice. you’ve actually given me so much help in the past, and i’m forever grateful. you might not recall any of this and i don’t expect you to. bye!",1.7246181818181796,2.9355333709090914,3.659545454545455,91.0893181818182,77.10909090909091,6.6000000000000005,23.772727272727273,7.1686216300943375,0.7280545454545457,987,31,229,11,22,335,134,275,0.11699999999999999,0.748,0.135,0.9023,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,0,2,13,12,0,3,11,0,19,4,2,2,1,47,41,23,0,6,12,1,2,0,3,2,2,2,0,0,24,13,0,1,8,1,0,2,14,6,0,2,12,4,33,6,37,25,3,16,0,1,0,0,27,7,0,5,7,166,57,2,0.0,0.0,0.24618092301762434,0.0,0.0,0.1232585600942586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026125462872064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715535004564516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850884793502145,0.0,0.0,0.15378257080467106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385543840110819,0.0,0.13004059376304028,0.0,0.12802530253022426,0.0,0.0,0.14456269094820082,0.0,0.0,0.12908083847720225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188593131750718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331158480877975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755622109929526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29235689411561194,0.0,0.06590081155047284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088241706953474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294518429916966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536387427969989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079630068433554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711533875350706,0.13381027684529187,0.0,0.1477288637168747,0.0,0.0,0.09272441376689597,0.18705637118479487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709459261223443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041100715450535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617005305817422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454400275042307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374910949310935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054552761822276,0.0,0.13186464946501686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101383273657804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645352375308088,0.0,0.08082280367770955,0.12392789987958525,0.10013783007753436,0.0735508686612873,0.0,0.0,0.12052827593272405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012082126886986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11692926051008412,0.11381804760851212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920667552223976,0.0,0.0,0.08122739623477787 ptsd,jadeeyedream,2019/10/06,"unsent letter: wanting to be intimate with a beautiful man, but flashbacks won't allow it There are things that I don’t want to communicate, but I realize that you need to understand. you keep expressing feelings of being rejected, or not loved by me, and it hurts me so badly because I have so much love, and I deeply desire to be able to show you that love. I realize how me pulling away from you could feel like rejection, but what i need you to understand is that it’s not you that repulses me… I am so very turned on by you, I want to be with you. please know that. I am healing. I will get better, I am sure of that, but it does take time and I have to be patient with my self, and I ask that, if we continue, you be patient too. there are things that happen inside of my head, reoccurring involuntary intrusions that are triggered by intimate touch. the repulse reaction that takes place is not in response to you, it is in response to things that happened in the past. bad things I wish I didn’t remember. these memories make me feel really really yucky inside and send me into a whirlwind of fear&anguish. i wish it weren’t this way, I don’t feel good about myself when this takes place. I want so badly to stay present with you, to feel pleasure instead of pain… but I don’t know how to do that, yet.",5.839310344827588,5.680259137931039,6.386804597701151,80.26365517241379,66.816091954023,10.331647509578543,31.57624521072797,10.047579312681364,2.860410268199233,1029,37,211,22,15,336,129,261,0.14300000000000002,0.685,0.172,0.7158,1,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,11,0,1,13,14,0,0,4,0,26,5,1,5,1,50,56,19,0,11,10,0,6,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,27,11,0,1,12,1,0,2,9,6,0,0,2,6,39,8,33,45,1,18,0,3,0,3,21,8,0,2,7,157,66,0,0.10922987501631792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835052394442072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211518819099204,0.0,0.10262506320544093,0.0,0.2736071493110939,0.06658551797490186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660494798029294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721116708470637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558779971391804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229139771062527,0.2761495339938646,0.07803384453681853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706810139919115,0.0,0.0,0.09161683678736876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193183235479456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210136458644733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693284035097808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970885317240995,0.0,0.0,0.12005976540190405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053364199518870135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29575268046382724,0.0,0.07291178975727222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029652628749467,0.1619851365557579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622828829616727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427227532105766,0.0,0.0,0.2282439419964978,0.1199016016520662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995090985250924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373615530191925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395058179258685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642451327007113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294786452040706,0.0,0.2463818165597967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29026990153361776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369281852540126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881073786954965,0.0,0.22742430418085555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012608636639158,0.25770644133240195,0.08670159055577158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512179312201121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NightAsh365,2019/10/06,"Tired of Pretending I’m so tired of keeping it all inside and pretending everything is fine. I’m not ok and I don’t want to keep pretending it never happened. I’m not ok and everything just seems so damaged. My parents were abusive and it’s just so hard having them in my life. We all just exist around each other and pretend it never happened and it’s so hard living like it never happened. It happened and I will never be the same. I am irrevocably damaged and nothing will ever fix that. My mom still tries, but she still hurt me and no one talks about what’s really going on. I don’t live with them anymore but I feel trapped in this turmoil as I deal with the repercussions of what happened while I try to move forward. Some days I can’t even look at them and I feel guilty because they’re my parents but they’re also my abusers and I have a hard time coming to terms with this. I don’t want to pretend anymore but if I address the issue they will gaslight me and I don’t know which hurts more, me pretending it never happened or them. People tell me it’s good to set boundaries and stay away from the toxic people I cut out, but this is just so much lonelier and sometimes I wonder if I’m really better off. Deep down I know that I am but that doesn’t make it easier.",2.1549081115335897,4.101989311787076,3.5795674904942985,88.91685440430928,77.93536121673004,6.208428390367555,24.26631812420785,7.1686216300943375,0.9800089987325724,1011,35,208,12,24,332,131,263,0.204,0.7140000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9871,2,1,0,0,1,0,16.0,1,0,5,1,16,12,1,1,5,2,17,3,0,1,8,58,41,31,0,4,15,3,5,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,20,22,0,2,6,6,0,4,14,6,0,1,1,6,33,6,23,36,8,28,0,4,1,0,13,11,0,6,14,152,53,0,0.0,0.21914759907610007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395630491740925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834308239639581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232689854639931,0.0,0.0,0.0868881009808667,0.0,0.0,0.05637501238936976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179113574390517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966341994395362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964201571507094,0.09534292535431746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108223579821088,0.0836535477045813,0.0,0.0,0.16623030676097408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352143753595693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052558573711603065,0.07756792266615077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906790977136158,0.0,0.2485320219007501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19800372585508305,0.0,0.0,0.0965252003953089,0.0,0.16440112941300267,0.0,0.0,0.1016492920359706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532143167553668,0.045181106951200194,0.0,0.16332325043871926,0.0,0.07765999476935502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06173118683925659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083115788574574,0.0,0.09829171377633568,0.06798351656567614,0.0,0.3566317830648154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887371529832165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266691116316497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537642008853152,0.0,0.0,0.1282281181100113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184902440769878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419041241641742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146518652819756,0.0,0.0,0.09857148487604413,0.14770945935544716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433200366760888,0.08083168620431436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053925891735749736,0.21258454793785367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557583870005676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909432159415418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029072671279184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WAVE_Ark,2019/10/06,"Do I have mild ptsd? I know this seems like a question I should go to a psychiatrist first but I want your all’s opinions first, sometimes I see or feel things that make me have a kind of flashback and it’s not like a Vietnam flashback but I just feel scared or alone or depressed whoever I have one. The traumatic event specifically was me finding the dead body of my mom and having to preform cpr on her.",3.956138211382112,5.195149573170738,4.418048780487805,87.72918699186995,71.5609756097561,7.417886178861789,29.52032520325203,7.793537801064563,1.698481300813008,323,13,68,4,6,102,58,82,0.244,0.6829999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.9604,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,2,1,5,0,1,6,0,7,1,1,1,1,20,15,7,1,2,7,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,1,3,12,3,5,13,1,5,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,6,5,47,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339650094087333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509247652191149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945679521193361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22844437495828934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064691581140595,0.3843020602328701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283845804405009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352408288760061,0.12414912343056042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22072735426938267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507904793219778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645721834988275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307616872047888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26406584342585704,0.0,0.2530604971026679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261660212811501,0.0,0.1800136198977955,0.20565152385039515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234215803071236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500783951769333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324209274741533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,darlinng,2019/10/06,Struggle How does this ever become easier? I feel like im a fight with myself way to often it sucks,-1.6114285714285717,-0.7259549999999955,1.7813333333333323,89.77200000000002,122.8095238095238,3.5847619047619053,8.961904761904762,5.6839178017228535,-0.9694266666666668,79,1,15,1,5,28,20,21,0.28800000000000003,0.506,0.20600000000000002,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,1,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42673240639155335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381285377475932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349507788053245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19536810850020853,0.2760338644369445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41736262296733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876842866338192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039339974483724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066948096174766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nillacoffee,2019/10/06,"Hello 👋 ( need advice) I was diagnosed with PTSD this year. At first I was in denial about the whole thing because I really thought I had bipolar disorder. After months of asking my therapist questions whether this or that was ’normal’ for someone who has PTSD, I finally came into terms that I do in fact have PTSD. Before all of the therapists, medications, psychiatrists, and diagnose, I was a completely different person. I was sociable, had friends, didn't care what people thought about me, went to church, went to college.. Now I'm just this scared, timid, crazy person. How long did it take before everything went back to normal? Or should I just accept that this is the new me and just try to work on my flaws?",5.330227272727272,7.1252794469696985,5.5595151515151535,78.71427272727273,68.92424242424242,9.21939393939394,29.10909090909091,9.642632912329526,2.823858181818182,565,21,100,13,10,179,90,132,0.10099999999999999,0.8340000000000001,0.065,-0.5944,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,2,4,0,14,4,0,1,2,22,25,6,0,4,6,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,11,5,0,0,4,0,0,4,1,2,0,1,15,0,13,3,16,9,3,19,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,10,72,24,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095733425642327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157185005786516,0.0,0.0,0.0951799277155278,0.0,0.0754557322647935,0.0,0.21065698229581606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415724575172721,0.12620295157208325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978199518894654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512701641100765,0.0,0.1293247713777673,0.14186371897138558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124635711490953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559600558669302,0.0,0.10528803242460634,0.0,0.0,0.09563287270993366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095422659702674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469630790750698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880079173207897,0.0,0.0,0.09178202307770887,0.0,0.1195484350791072,0.0,0.0,0.2425581447580154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581414122005393,0.2161615423877843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4340800005288332,0.0,0.13866301839853504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792972609150958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392634776698605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048792167627113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306788698536007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874385002077853,0.08223457833167408,0.0,0.0,0.1965365322317348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403915548996925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34423860631810466,0.0,0.1381970359130674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011402258911033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971088831181809 ptsd,racingbarakarts,2019/10/06,"You get diagnosed, but what’s next? I got diagnosed back in December of 2018. They didn’t tell me when they diagnosed me. They waited until I was checking out to leave the hospital, and as I signed my last paper, the nurse said, “your doctor has diagnosed you with PTSD. Sign here to confirm that I’ve told you this.” Who does that? Who gives such a blow and expects you to recover well enough to drive yourself home? I didn’t let it hit me until I got home. I sat at the end of my bed and just thought. I thought about everything that led to this. I kept telling myself that I caused this because I wasn’t strong enough to not let things get to me. I’m still thinking that. I’m still thinking, actually. It still hurts to think about my diagnoses and to remember everything that led up to it. I’ve been diagnosed, but now what? Do I just spend my time thinking? Or am I supposed to do something?",2.180784313725489,4.2709290000000015,3.158300653594772,91.27794117647059,78.44444444444444,7.124183006535947,25.032679738562088,8.124751697461798,1.423130718954248,700,26,151,13,17,223,100,180,0.032,0.92,0.048,0.5588,0,0,1,0,1,0,23.0,0,5,3,1,13,3,0,0,4,0,11,7,0,3,0,27,30,11,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,3,0,17,6,0,2,7,0,2,3,4,1,1,0,13,1,29,2,23,14,2,19,0,1,0,0,15,4,0,1,12,105,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.10199916911761683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803715765960931,0.0,0.06371612493192486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737370132239843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6365306128865005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698350842558356,0.09146860118795658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09257617126445752,0.21599997332057505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787669472958893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921769144303116,0.10026778799684358,0.0,0.0,0.16719285302107287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968976882229445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189381251424778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852000273876205,0.0,0.11067454669413533,0.0,0.2137632765155261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116117695131474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218155252091605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840394983162647,0.0,0.09942511234675867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046675315980283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25041611434820904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827150575535268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944029975506387,0.2678959431894714,0.0,0.1659588458756144,0.06094808159276568,0.0,0.0,0.09987600866568028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397854427509424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mwg1234,2018/11/05,"EMDR So I got a pretty bad trigger last night. From a climbing documentary no less (my PTSD has nothing to do with climbing). I was telling my therapist about it and she pulled out the buzzers and started EMDR. If that's what it was. I think I realized something: I don't know where the guilt ends and the sadness begins. Maybe I still feel guilt because realizing that it was a random accident is even more painful. Idk. Any advice? Support? Feeling out of sorts.",2.1593181818181826,4.9556208409090905,3.0845454545454563,87.1968181818182,84.9090909090909,5.4727272727272736,28.45454545454545,6.980632752743323,1.7253272727272724,366,18,67,5,11,116,66,88,0.225,0.6940000000000001,0.081,-0.9139,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,2,6,0,7,1,0,1,0,16,15,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,6,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,4,2,9,1,7,11,2,12,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,3,6,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289198543600801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15930740351591266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19560047093403676,0.14280502581241744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074881757351129,0.0,0.0,0.15472901716804727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369016118186261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736214511503516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874524685468558,0.19095624731270447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353494540080213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984068788499786,0.0,0.22478241485368006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24927317853896636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383304834125748,0.0,0.0,0.27384182230467524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034770278801887,0.0,0.0,0.16581310909629218,0.0,0.18708335716455055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658397611733379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20475686914518448,0.0,0.0,0.2719983042349159,0.0,0.15010677094333869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,teenytokki,2018/11/05,"Please help me figure out what's happening/Vent (TW - Suicide attempt mention, panic attack). I've been dealing with depression and generalized anxiety for over three years, so my life has been colourfully scattered with panic attacks and random depressive episodes. I worked really hard to ignore them and wait to seek treatment until I was an adult, as I was afraid that I was faking my symptoms and didn't have a problem because it was just ""teenager hormones"". I also have never been great at taking care of myself. When I entered college this year I was walking in, completely in denial about my issues and unprepared to take care of myself. It took me only a week to have a melt down lmao. I had the worst panic attack of my life, I couldn't see and couldn't move and thought I was having a seizure. I quickly figured out that this wasn't working and sought a doctor who I later realized was not-great for treatment, who prescribed me Zoloft and Zopiclone, sleeping pills that I had previously had an addiction problem with. The Wednesday of my second week I immediately attempted suicide, had breakdowns every time I was left alone, downed pills like it was candy and was thankfully admitted to the hospital on Friday. There were so many fucking awful things I went through that week and I was out of control, and the suicide attempt scared the shit out of me. My therapist later told me the doctors theorized that my history of depression + my bad reaction to the Zoloft had led to my situation. I spent a week in a child psychiatric unit and dropped out of my college. There's so many other things I could talk about but this post is already long enough and that's not what this post is about. I'm terrified of what happened to me. I'm in a really great environment right now— I have an amazing support system, am able to stay in a lovely home with understanding parents who want the best for me. It's been almost two months now since the whole ordeal and I'm in recovery from my depression, seeing therapists and have a new doctor. I feel better. But I can't shake the experience and it keeps popping up. The college I was at has offered me guaranteed admission into the winter semester, but I can't go back. When I returned to the college a couple days after I left the hospital I was fine, but I couldn't enter the bathroom I had a panic attack in. I was also roommates with a lifelong best friend of mine during this whole ordeal who I am no longer friends with because of how she dealt with everything. I can't stand the thought of going back to the college, the one I walked around in a drug-fuelled stupor and the one that contains an ex-childhood friend who dealt with my episode in the worst possible way. I'm also intensely afraid of going back to the way I used to be. I've never been one that's been afraid of the future, like going to college— these things have always excited me. But now things like school, work, living with roommates/independently; they scare the shit out of me. I have hazy memories of suffering from depression at night whilst pushing myself through shifts at work in the day or at school and I don't want to go through that again. I'm afraid to live with others and cause them problems again with my issues. Maybe I'm just being lazy, but the idea of going back to things like that stresses me out and has caused panic attacks. At the moment I am slated to get a job in the next week so I can work until January, then live with a friend in the city until summer, but the more I move closer to it the more I want to stay home until the next fall semester. I'm just scared of taking on responsibilities and putting myself through stress again, and letting others down. I was actually supposed to move in with a friend right away and went to live at her apartment for a trial week, and I wanted to leave after about three days and go home. I also slept in her bunk bed last Thursday night and woke up in the middle of the night, and thought for a moment I was back in my old college dorm (I slept in a bunk bed there too), remembered everything I went through and had a panic attack. Other mini-things like listening to old music I listened to, feeling anxiety/stress, having people ask me if I'm okay, deadlines etc. all are very likely to make me cry or get really pissed off and afraid. I constantly feel guilty asking things from anyone and I'm so vulnerable to stress that even the tiniest little things get me on edge and cause extreme reactions. I'm also having a big problem with memory since it is one of the side-effects of abusing Zopiclone; so much so that I barely remember my life before now and if I do I am not emotionally connected to them (I feel like a completely different person now, so doing stuff the ""old me"" does also makes me panic). Sorry this is so long, I suppose this was sort of a vent as well, but I'm just really scared. I don't know if it's just a natural reaction to this sort of experience, it's PTSD, or it's just me being lazy? I'm saving this post so I can talk to my therapist about it but I just wanted the opinions of others. Is it possible to get PTSD from a suicide attempt/my experiences? Or does this just sound like a natural reaction, and if so— how long does this last? The more things move the more I want them to slow down, and everyone in my life is trying their best to accommodate me so I feel bad asking them to do it even more. If I need to push through and do it, I want to try my best; but I don't want to push myself too hard and risk anything like this happening again. 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Normally I just put load music on and ignore it - this evening I realised my new place is near 2 parks, and this afternoon / evening has been... not good. They're too loud to ignore even with headphones, and I could really do with a game plan for next time. Any advice would be most gratefully received.",4.8832835820895495,6.475942701492535,4.6061492537313455,85.90564179104479,69.74626865671641,7.748059701492537,26.832835820895525,8.238735603445708,1.6762262686567169,279,9,53,4,5,85,56,67,0.109,0.841,0.05,-0.4612,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,14,8,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,1,4,1,8,3,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,34,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408435415144067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352104111676197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233462816636438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678289783216327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4883650381567046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067238317740197,0.19712122699616005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380382195420971,0.2621191898940635,0.2312914709263389,0.24148416863602595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575043186561334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24776621796249826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789231193452355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371619850417638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508224322429755,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,risingsun1999,2018/11/05,"What helps you sleep at night? I have PTSD from being emotionally and sexually abused by another girl throughout my childhood and teen years. I am now getting out of a sexually abusive relationship with a guy during with he assualted me multiple times and really retraumatized me (and actually triggered old memories of the girl). (Also I'm 19, if that matters.) I get nightmares all the time. I sleep through them usually but wake up dissociating. I really want a weighted blanket but don't want to spend the money. I may ask for it for Christmas. Trying to figure out what might help in the meantime. I like the feeling of being held/wrapped up, if that makes sense. Honestly thinking of getting a giant stuffed animal to sleep with. If I could get my dog to sleep with me, that would be perfect, but usually he moves to the floor after a bit. Does anyone have any recommendations? Does anything like this actually help?",4.776249999999997,7.281822696428571,5.916095238095237,72.59557142857145,72.03571428571428,9.003809523809524,32.03333333333333,9.558583805096642,3.4940090476190484,735,35,123,19,15,244,108,168,0.027000000000000003,0.799,0.174,0.9771,0,0,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,11,0,11,6,5,2,2,30,22,11,0,7,6,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,3,7,10,1,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,15,4,25,15,2,19,0,0,0,0,12,8,0,5,12,82,22,0,0.0,0.2913134099863164,0.23993172962769885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983102870682003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359934552129349,0.1289070331320163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595832137301591,0.0,0.10116421936654424,0.0,0.11492670878754388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421210432269245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815280743369416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21516076924456198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382842199694296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215913154029415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569117948760312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217240021214254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472002359643532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011869980231972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205940934995838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041356239920202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065940231286835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153652449322671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899856860530512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437032844411559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15750935532810362,0.0,0.0,0.1319851249197133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920911843376207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877115270367438,0.0,0.0,0.14336762505565054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834641263190429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27078889821070296,0.0,0.14501933385407936,0.0,0.0,0.14970051117773614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732879682923797,0.0,0.0,0.07916547485838067 ptsd,summergirl2600,2018/11/05,Requirements of ptsd. I am applying for a medical card and I put down I am diagnosed with severe depression but the women with the cards said I would need it to be ptsd based depression. I’ve never been diagnosed with that but could very much believe I would be a candidate. When I was eight my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer and I watched her go through treatments and have a allergic reaction to those treatments. She ended up in the hospital for a month and almost died. I then had a big fight with her when I was 14 and I found out she had a heart attack the next day and needed major heart surgery. ,3.6062499999999993,5.497987125000005,4.430000000000003,84.67500000000003,73.58333333333334,8.8,27.0,9.3871,2.3959,485,18,96,12,10,156,75,120,0.24100000000000002,0.759,0.0,-0.985,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,10,0,14,9,3,0,1,23,19,11,1,5,2,1,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,1,3,12,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,8,2,15,0,15,6,2,15,0,2,1,1,8,5,0,1,8,71,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975950567434831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014242107896302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849926986066466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940891444936322,0.0,0.0,0.09645174667110104,0.0,0.25762606050171066,0.4553909322254364,0.15521631938509145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324629109126609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398128321358538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499656116996314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544509944244466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066271557863384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751590860948493,0.11937479010778235,0.0,0.10994143707229324,0.22178890570593995,0.11534740394878595,0.0,0.15905532577476292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496477308510678,0.15034586567253316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422627401780048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895658491424562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234000013567942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124816824336418,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lexda45,2018/11/05,"Working remotely with PTSD According to Nancy B. Adams, branch chief at the U.S. Army Warrior Transition Command (as told to [Fortune.com](http://fortune.com/2013/11/11/3-reasons-why-companies-dont-hire-veterans/)), “there’s a stigma attached to PTSD and traumatic brain injury and other hidden disabilities that people may assume soldiers have when they’re leaving the military. Companies who embrace remote work and hire employees who struggle with PTSD (and other mental health concerns) enjoy the increasing benefits of remote teams. Only the person suffering knows what it feels like to endure their particular nightmares, and while we can only hope treatments and therapy will continue to improve, having the flexibility of a remote job and a manager who communicates with them will make a world of difference. And for someone with PTSD, that difference may just mean the world. Are you working remotely?",15.540212765957445,14.424471354609931,12.7395390070922,45.58250000000004,48.219858156028366,15.92482269503546,49.741134751773046,14.314028922438442,7.619590070921985,755,37,86,23,6,229,99,141,0.079,0.795,0.126,0.7096,2,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,1,1,2,4,3,6,0,1,10,0,8,2,1,1,0,22,14,11,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,9,13,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,4,15,9,1,7,0,1,0,0,10,3,0,4,4,58,13,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158854203524397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29734706630781715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677489935079365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719513105820845,0.1016593673539835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125857148384705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14133631242292374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412110968446297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820452694514167,0.0,0.0,0.15067547797817896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952074186067353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498655952897056,0.0,0.0,0.15500675047793286,0.0,0.0,0.14340523950267764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164515906906665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865311520625818,0.12425113880508715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6653657729299935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205705878650216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876317700050695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273280200930093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597404094948565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107889536312929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hairyhorseman,2018/11/05,"Trying to go through uni Anyone else here trying to go through uni with ptsd? I got intrusive thoughts on my way to my lecture and just ended up crying through all of it. I have so much stuff to do but I just keep having flashbacks and dissociating and crying and it all piles up and makes me unable to do any of the work. I don’t want to drop out - the people that I know who are in a similar situation dropped out already and I don’t want to get this far and then lose it all. I want to get through it, but I’m just so worried I’m not going to be able to, because my symptoms are getting worse. It’s like I had a year or so of being okay and then suddenly when it really matters everything is flooding back. I would really appreciate it if anyone can share their experiences and how they coped because I really need to get through this.",6.149897238278741,5.0917748439306365,7.0488631984585775,78.76259473346181,66.45664739884393,10.232241490044961,33.67308927424533,9.444778638647367,2.797337058445729,660,25,140,11,9,222,99,173,0.11199999999999999,0.784,0.10300000000000001,-0.6833,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,2,10,4,0,0,4,1,14,1,0,2,3,34,32,20,0,6,8,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,12,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,3,0,16,3,26,26,4,20,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,2,8,102,28,2,0.14614810680231052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127807005924613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938572425769908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20438030877783026,0.14974600640318803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237887294672227,0.0,0.17818105881800844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210736654718694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220879899178691,0.0,0.12944384357054156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313484947095895,0.14296089207565382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30542541505419096,0.0,0.24917801124058805,0.0,0.1168879918934457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129903152425776,0.0,0.0,0.08031917739536247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140058275758839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350234827386134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755499614919033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10743567451639198,0.1083669693579761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132069549394328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083931594604002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808786586611422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427659541143244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730461666044086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190384207825128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602527189908912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984499422101652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586058198766458,0.11600556454525042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639756236763324,0.148420496655672,0.14893740661362492,0.10381942187832792,0.0,0.0,0.09411458912678693 ptsd,Planetkillah,2018/11/05,"It’s not being hurt it’s that I’m the one doing the hurting. I never could forgive myself, even before I lost my right to, now I’m at the same conclusion my therapist and I reached 2 years ago. This time, however, I have a hell of a lot of better reasons to be here. ",0.13195402298850567,2.0220516206896555,3.0317241379310365,90.54402298850576,84.51724137931033,5.935632183908046,21.73563218390805,7.1686216300943375,0.7140252873563218,206,7,46,3,6,73,44,58,0.195,0.684,0.121,-0.6529,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,3,6,1,0,5,0,5,0,0,1,1,9,8,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,7,2,5,4,2,7,1,3,0,0,1,2,1,1,5,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23036067121964415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211317616128456,0.0,0.0,0.2298354891283396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20748648659751665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716428732043925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5563962740855792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836807683187747,0.2209337115315704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042915299784586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609585743430028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671914923198472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192909756092896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017311897929161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153333660232854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734891917671993 ptsd,Mayonnaisey,2018/11/05,"[TW: rape/sexual assault] Does anyone else experience this? (F 22) After experiencing sexual assault multiple times growing up, I feel like it's made me become extremely paranoid of the opposite sex and I wish I wasn't like this because my paranoia often times does not seem to match up with the reality of the situation.",5.321379310344831,7.803767689655174,7.447793103448276,62.32651724137932,70.3793103448276,10.846896551724136,34.01379310344828,10.793553405168565,4.775382068965516,258,13,39,9,5,91,46,58,0.13,0.72,0.15,0.079,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,8,5,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,2,5,2,7,3,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,5,22,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791183729288757,0.26247402384241364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615741816360315,0.2829170368068284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483480632197349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21399519590722726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25058111061851346,0.0,0.0,0.1295260578188139,0.18300621610907472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503011427312228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423920186945401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23320540217842564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28794316493940825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29874682660690777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945801484229736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bluelanced,2018/11/05,"I’ve forgotten how to express emotions Every time someone asks me if I’m okay I can never answer. It’s either an automatic “I’m fine!” or I literally cannot get the words out of my mouth. I’ve had several opportunities to reach out for help but I just can’t do it. I’ve always had a hard time talking about my feelings, but ever since I stopped going to therapy (the practice got rid of my therapist without warning and I haven’t found a new one yet) it’s basically become impossible. It’s super isolating. I can’t help but shut myself away from my support system, and I can feel my old symptoms getting worse again. I’m more paranoid and on edge than I used to be, and it’s only gonna escalate from here if I can’t get my shit together. I think a part of it is me being afraid to admit what I’m experiencing is real. It’s been almost two years now and I still doubt myself. It was ridiculously hard to just write this post. Anyone else unable to talk about what you’re going through?",1.9703328173374608,3.9541239950980436,4.330701754385967,83.1371052631579,78.65686274509805,7.0398348813209495,24.46233230134159,8.032893268588372,1.495690196078431,781,28,158,14,19,272,127,204,0.127,0.754,0.11900000000000001,-0.5687,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,11,9,2,2,6,1,16,3,2,2,2,33,35,12,0,2,10,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,7,0,1,6,0,0,2,7,4,0,2,6,5,21,5,22,26,3,21,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,5,12,102,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621269009552304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149597710574273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209691502544747,0.14960937658398138,0.0,0.0,0.13650408981718035,0.0,0.13718567329169434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612618303404743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197659556158245,0.16424695166291595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207870969143362,0.1230237326494816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765889955867018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009764746493102,0.0,0.0,0.228860056288228,0.0,0.16596710574823506,0.0,0.1167813420696312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616010890183798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574123119506756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261558423917613,0.1410219648365578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532179280252283,0.0,0.09894338009438942,0.11105080446257236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811975576856208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984177762741626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619676328805116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649551170620343,0.149882052588996,0.12078491813533924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371783209550025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660757574671447,0.12207487725433568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569581900459024,0.0,0.15176524342725245,0.0,0.2347222658832681,0.0,0.0,0.166980603080046,0.16953439014970134,0.0,0.09356036222652704,0.0,0.0,0.1702847612529338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426352034957296,0.0,0.0,0.12610987102502322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075301784460706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148801514569306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402871799335263 ptsd,wonmsilatipac,2018/11/05,Can seeing an accident cause PTSD? And can it be hidden? A few years ago I witnessed an accident at this time of year and I am beginning to remember it again. At night I hear the sound and burst into tears and calm down until I hear it again and start crying. I didn’t know the person involved but I was one of the closest to it when it happened but I’m beginning to sort of enjoy the release from crying and fantasize about telling people about it. I feel guilty for this indulgence and feel like maybe I am just looking for attention. I have always had bad anxiety and mild depression so is it just that?,3.3432231404958657,5.12758881818182,4.439743801652893,84.78325206611572,74.0413223140496,8.145785123966942,26.149586776859504,8.841846274778883,2.002169586776859,481,17,95,10,10,157,77,121,0.20800000000000002,0.726,0.066,-0.9588,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,7,0,10,0,0,1,0,20,22,13,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,10,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,7,9,3,16,18,1,17,0,1,2,0,5,5,0,1,13,70,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702498043083455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678242923986122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441425267055902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15732473147520448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356158250243088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139460488485062,0.0,0.0,0.16228783168462804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905439301216068,0.1346089128370051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662119789545432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247312021625039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355195615532516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205360730705588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582272579042315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929550362450046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682154354574764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767981177599064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306282827794705,0.1645230651010659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202555594832513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21344570990557074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014816021189314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336625795977874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468937575734766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987054537834093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24267553834275665 ptsd,Katekuna,2019/09/13,"I’m tired TW: Abuse, Gaslighting Hey I might delete this later, I just wanna talk and vent where people might understand a bit. My mother helped me when I was young but now as I’m 17, she has grown severely emotionally abusive, she has caused my PTSD, depression and anxiety problems, the PTSD occurred from an incident where she and my sibling fought and she had a semi heart attack, but she refused to let anyone deliver her to a hospital, so she was missing for two hours, letting me wander in the streets searching for her all over the city until she called me after she called her friend first to tell her her location. My sibling and mom’s relationship had been severely broken, cold treatment with occasional fights and the house just never feel the same anymore when it was warm, mom joked about me being distraught and traumatised from the incident and told me “all people go something similar and they are fine” I have not had a single peaceful or fully slept night, I always feel anxious and whenever I’m away I feel scared something might happen to her and a specific pitch of screaming is enough to send me hysterically crying and remember the day so vividly. Today when she fought with my sister (after accusing me I should have mended it first beforehand) she told me I seem upset and honestly at the moment I told her I am (I was triggered the day before and I have been feeling shitty still) and then when I told her “I just want to be upset” she turned her dark mode and that means she’s gonna be extremely emotionally abusive at me again. I just want to rest, I just want to sleep one night fully again like back in December before it all happened, I don’t want to feel the weight of everything on me, I’m just a child, I’m so tired.",5.7752922077922095,6.691314559523814,6.064577922077923,78.78496753246755,67.09523809523809,9.204329004329004,30.153679653679646,9.339509955726095,2.6048202380952383,1396,50,257,26,22,447,178,336,0.257,0.674,0.069,-0.9977,0,0,2,0,2,0,26.0,0,0,1,2,21,18,4,4,17,0,27,6,3,2,4,55,57,29,0,7,10,4,7,1,1,5,2,1,0,1,5,18,1,1,9,1,0,3,3,12,0,4,16,10,54,6,30,31,8,38,0,2,1,0,44,10,0,5,26,186,59,0,0.0,0.30397368471102776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115762696133802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542085228753004,0.09661072707821594,0.08481063856045555,0.059796006142336926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728879768509484,0.08034675054330645,0.06575787870343043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553863006957368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093363244957166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464638873056984,0.0,0.0,0.0878502964173514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093937243697819,0.11030376091690633,0.0,0.07365632133248734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923919391305388,0.0,0.08836270636408684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685784842393079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21620174475350792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548272584936206,0.0,0.0,0.06607080919955864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04860171373578606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124614538988904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133895728989484,0.057320751855878864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421776730748272,0.09867601314532212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489540710389795,0.0,0.041779657841502525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315391097336098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721624871346572,0.0,0.20031473375918607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595656847427965,0.0,0.0,0.16050524915782247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057949047357533076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857449411503924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182894684412204,0.1999313700375455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181407005551184,0.09687495132966738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561819640141566,0.0,0.0,0.07785215683387474,0.0,0.19322145415643188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855795198511152,0.0,0.0,0.1316714992548349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829459356196642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873593609072726,0.07474629154207219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965801697782016,0.08106083710113741,0.3268635376521816,0.0,0.0,0.09301876578006107,0.0835384252523035,0.08902700405126504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176236202347075,0.0,0.0,0.10413759299754016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anapneoascendio,2019/09/13,"I've finally opened about my trauma I've finally gained the courage to speak up about what happened. I've never said it aloud before, it still scares me and I won't be talking about it quickly again. But first step counts! I've talked to multiple people about my trauma, but only via internet. It helps me disconnect myself from what actually happened, like it didn't happen to me. I hope one day, I'll be able to speak about it without the fear, shame and guilt, to help the others, using my story. It's just a quick post, because I'm proud of myself and wanted to share my joy with the others. You're brave, we'll be okay.",3.2988095238095285,4.85708284920635,4.214476190476192,87.28885714285717,73.6825396825397,6.944761904761903,22.91746031746032,7.554174236665415,0.8960850793650788,493,13,100,6,10,159,79,126,0.055,0.645,0.3,0.9898,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,3,10,14,0,4,5,1,6,0,0,1,1,13,14,5,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,11,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,2,2,3,12,8,16,7,0,13,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,1,10,62,23,0,0.18108255733360384,0.0,0.1767104544846649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038624620303376,0.0,0.15408791893034124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678326889397656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037682209479705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967341806269752,0.0,0.1540287307618961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4803921222473294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427516422484557,0.0,0.0,0.1798558382469794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846779067992219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396620316012306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270622730266875,0.13772144474475378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553984483480518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734270340834255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722509795126368,0.0,0.18129522999847786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461276420049118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910946005987817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563971888199544,0.0,0.0,0.1068071840026417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455712332346635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,franzveto,2019/09/13,"'Unbelievable' triggered PTSD I am watching the new netflix series 'Unbelievable' . Just broke the screen on my phone, acidentally. I got so angry, that I had to punch my mattress. I know it's super dumb. It's just a tv show. It's not real. Whatever. It triggered some memories. Some parts really hit home. The scenes where they interrogate are really harsh. I wanted to hit my mattress, but punched my phone instead. I hurt my hand as well. Not a great choice, I know. Lol. It was really stupid. Never had movies or tv shows wind me up like that. Have you ever tried getting triggered by fiction?",1.5233545310015906,4.2466473873873865,2.9024165341812385,85.88332273449922,93.14414414414415,5.855007949125596,21.8447270800212,7.285733465282438,1.2679789083200852,464,17,85,9,17,150,76,111,0.18100000000000002,0.6890000000000001,0.13,-0.7578,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,1,7,8,2,0,5,1,6,1,1,3,2,17,13,4,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,4,1,0,4,3,15,4,6,7,3,6,0,2,2,0,4,3,1,3,4,54,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799081236319606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590822978285887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927430975521886,0.2656942276661052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417343495102469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25798662599772376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648854992416713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773638390737595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18586767504321067,0.23275130978788736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26097055377952844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817064302820241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27430134293359043,0.463156410078494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636175622107888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421431633270649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21668050278134948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ActavisAndBars,2019/09/13,"How to explain symptoms better to new doctor My new doctor told me “There’s nothing to talk about” and wouldn’t even talk to me about my medications. I take Klonopin and am on a super low dose with my new doctor and it’s because he doesn’t believe I have PTSD I think. I downplay my symptoms when talking about it. I downplay what happened to me. I knew I had PTSD for a while, but just learned about CPTSD and finally feel like something describes my mental illness to a T. How do I tell my doctor that my anxiety is so severe that I can’t function on just the meds I’m on now. Just tell him what happened to me? Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I’m new to this sub.",3.568928571428572,4.555249464285716,4.704285714285717,86.2707142857143,72.21428571428571,6.742857142857144,29.714285714285715,6.742157984588678,1.4641571428571427,535,22,111,4,10,176,81,140,0.08,0.828,0.092,0.3716,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,14,5,0,0,4,0,10,9,0,2,0,18,20,11,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,2,9,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,21,4,18,14,0,12,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,9,76,28,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662867160177935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116295067689656,0.0,0.09130338851244092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275542134655684,0.0,0.0,0.13446800115381718,0.0,0.10555649198550486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4886442947340177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883038271627156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060347584013544814,0.08526456519731403,0.0,0.1307434733354638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158518735782873,0.0,0.0,0.2110838530939526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058308997795595285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257234591925832,0.12023383976095438,0.12027800006502168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610807690516682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114520754510826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27903047600378184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483295372128787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188243222238872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24810331935118154,0.08973729534148253,0.2877900695977737,0.20863652666997853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764754692968521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404524522870114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478371194806571,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,UppityMorlock,2019/09/13,"Dread pals: is there anyone who experiences intense feelings of great dread about inevitable future doom? Do you wanna just PM during the day and be friends? I'm not asking for any deep soulmate-like thing at all. You and I certainly do not ever have to discuss What Happened or anything at all like that. I don't even want to. I'm not looking for pic exchange, voice chat, texting, moving to Kik/Skype etc..NOPE. In fact, all I want is to PM sometimes. That's it. If we could stay away from all things political and Donald Trump, that would be great. Really not interested in discussing politics here. I just would really like it if there was someone who I could PM during the day and they'd feel comfortable PMing me and we could just acknowledge to SOMEBODY and be honest about this INTENSE feeling of impending doom and total dread. It's very difficult acting chirpy and upbeat during the day while I try to repair my life.",4.213314393939395,6.366245369318186,4.540545454545455,83.40748484848488,72.57954545454545,7.1933333333333325,26.50606060606061,8.021203637495839,1.7225519696969696,739,26,134,11,15,232,108,176,0.114,0.728,0.157,0.8526,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,2,1,0,10,15,0,3,3,0,16,1,0,0,8,40,26,12,0,10,10,0,3,2,2,2,1,1,0,0,12,10,0,0,4,1,1,2,5,6,0,0,1,5,13,9,19,16,5,15,2,2,1,0,13,6,0,3,8,91,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897326619848384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204823409258137,0.0,0.13186939847494716,0.0,0.14980905355091198,0.0,0.1505570705178003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838319048757184,0.0,0.0,0.3100376368387324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787174545744891,0.10584144869826577,0.1449523345388367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675204325862824,0.0,0.0,0.2430766728771243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380622007189288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35334515391894905,0.0,0.0,0.14170564722923962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318699895700432,0.1565769081964869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456688748988188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031690548281098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20531630720182034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577652771005,0.0,0.15848810576585154,0.0,0.0,0.17080168437327062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21292160350199346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879700551091367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322203282193815,0.18903533722021984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22766934751282056,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Tenny111111111111111,2019/09/13,"I hate fire alarms. I get that they're important, but I've had several negative encounters with them. One time, I was at my grandmas place (apartment) and someone had burned their food which caused the alarm to go off, another time I accidentally set my moms car on fire with a torch which went out on its own in about 20 seconds with minor damage, and another time I heard the alarm go off while on the computer, I go see what's happening and there's a HUGE fire coming from the kitchen pan, and the whole family's panicking for a good 20 minutes (or what it felt like) until it finally went out on its own. All of this happened at an early age for me. To make matters worse, when I was getting close to graduating elementry school the school started having problems with the alarm. Guess what the principal does? Instead of assuming it's a technological proble, he makes all the classrooms in the area of the school come out to the hallway and the idiot blames the problem on a student like a repeated ''prank'', this was the point where it had been going on for days/weeks. And it was going off a 3-5 times almost EVERY DAY. My current school also has this but it's milder and doesn't go off as often, and they actually made effort into trying to fix it. Something I never saw my elementary school do. My elementary school is close to my current one, and I can often hear the alarm going off in the school, the poor kids having to deal with the shit daily, and you attend the school for a good 7 years. Also, I do believe my school has atleast some sort of budget to atleast TRY to fix the Goddamn thing, it's one of the BIGGEST schools in the country, they expanded it not too long ago and added a bench recently to the school yard yet they can't fix a broken fire alarm. I just feel awful for the kids still in the shool having to deal with this. And now whenever I hear the alarm go off at school I freak out and want to evacuate the school asap while the rest of the students are just chilling, acting like it isn't a big deal. My middle school siad that if the fire alarm went off 2 times in a row, it's not a false alarm. But that happened today and the kids just treated it like nothing. Plus they used an emergency evacuation through the window to skip the class. I feel like this is sending a very bad message to these kids, although it's still better than my old school. I don't think my preschool was any better though, the atmosphere in that place is fucking awful.",7.162851323828923,6.12829255193483,7.041901425661916,79.55661181262731,64.41751527494907,10.137059063136457,32.67462321792261,9.174902378510234,2.5588894663951134,1957,64,397,28,25,623,233,491,0.196,0.722,0.08199999999999999,-0.9963,2,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,0,1,6,3,18,28,4,9,51,2,25,4,1,5,3,63,61,29,0,4,10,1,8,5,0,0,0,3,3,4,31,30,2,0,5,1,2,17,8,18,0,4,16,13,33,10,66,45,7,86,0,1,2,1,21,40,2,9,33,260,64,21,0.0,0.0,0.05089609542041945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046232568466913586,0.0,0.05222604645037978,0.0,0.0,0.08341722471131323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03546742461564921,0.10937885820822016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04354753642661357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876121622445681,0.0,0.0922543325732974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053577908481261684,0.0,0.08985442701819184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03363588427447649,0.1613096186551678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045641495850484055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043943129503009264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916741968384628,0.0,0.05274262132872964,0.0372597904992465,0.050077312414299635,0.0571336335833055,0.0,0.0,0.06306645292415107,0.0,0.0,0.048216778116069836,0.054498032615075104,0.0,0.2371286861182734,0.08749086156559611,0.0,0.0,0.0574549950459033,0.0,0.13836240399257013,0.0,0.0,0.05149260765823526,0.0,0.0,0.11756573378042673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12740234099929154,0.0,0.0,0.0461558410865493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049350650635086056,0.06962819856964156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061083712352040485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040225419077300435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050044462327516026,0.0,0.05472826346911959,0.0,0.10602543927051487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108982474360841,0.0,0.04930366125288154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981124717677027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05149711334515319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7917599379291842,0.04156105918570697,0.0,0.0,0.05892069696742022,0.05353671446354745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044191056477646484,0.04015173439570025,0.0,0.0,0.036915823228339376,0.0,0.08330265537738793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03464969521742743,0.03341904057961501,0.0512423638696976,0.0,0.15206101202941788,0.0,0.049437170831917635,0.0,0.0,0.07082011443684506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04504547435452685,0.0,0.04303362363422082,0.03076257510874376,0.0,0.04183587360494957,0.0,0.0,0.14504558827901393,0.0,0.0582295826340401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315075460759471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03358633365121883 ptsd,lucyrosex,2019/09/13,"Venting sorry I’ve just moved to my second year uni house, I’ve been here two days and I’m already struggling. Making friends is exhausting, going out is exhausting, making food is exhausting, doing laundry is exhausting. I don’t think I’m going to make it though uni this year, I can barely cope without having work to do. I feel so guilty because my parents are paying so much for me to be here. They are so supportive and I know they wouldn’t be angry or upset with me but I’m already putting my family though so much with the court case and I feel like I’m letting them down.",3.628205128205128,5.090869427350427,4.608205128205127,85.17846153846155,72.67521367521367,7.2512820512820495,26.67521367521368,7.793537801064563,1.5491982905982908,461,16,90,6,9,150,71,117,0.141,0.7959999999999999,0.063,-0.6218,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,1,9,9,0,2,1,0,16,5,0,3,0,18,30,11,0,1,4,1,2,1,1,1,4,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,4,0,1,4,3,6,0,2,1,2,13,3,10,25,2,9,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,60,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684988736225117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017799869678226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767826604254968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739923630788186,0.0,0.1688444984788436,0.1192794457647709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189409146825127,0.0,0.12899632998000862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18977950409898287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19265457328303276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175930239494126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707324756581994,0.0,0.08157040294597022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343502267607039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17745680086248286,0.24547618303977545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853942773061844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784540126047315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690304680376293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454750865249874,0.0,0.0,0.18946929405196525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698408619360003,0.3280834744456149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310001951555353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609477842404857,0.0,0.121552117638346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503928011989612 ptsd,lilalita,2019/09/13,"Hey how do you think about control? I think we have all encountered numerous or at least one big damaging situation where we weren't in control. But how to deal with that. At the Moment i am rather obsessed with gaining control. And I guess that is an acceptable step to make, but I really yearn the day where I feel I can be in control but have the trust to not have to be. How do you think about that. Was that one of the hurtful parts of your trauma losing control within it or afterwards? How would you like it to be in the live after the trauma? (and maybe the live after PTSD?)",3.4269230769230745,4.839593743589745,4.305641025641027,87.34769230769234,73.1025641025641,7.593162393162394,24.96581196581197,8.167268648758528,1.3531299145299145,456,14,95,7,9,147,66,117,0.151,0.763,0.086,-0.8628,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,4,0,7,9,10,0,1,8,0,14,0,0,10,1,32,20,11,0,3,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,5,5,0,0,1,2,7,0,2,2,1,12,3,19,14,3,15,0,4,0,0,8,9,0,3,6,79,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7787558639318066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895577407266155,0.14316580160186262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021533858981542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297768025901173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486600187001434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784341229189222,0.0,0.2452442484052873,0.0,0.0,0.15535667632148592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269481521395667,0.0,0.13951058815718992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819977543684527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503794518611743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232811693907667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896176990710583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609235053787696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266941140640607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864714782945837,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JVerose,2019/09/13,"Just had a horrifying nightmare/ memory... It was NOT sleep paralysis. I've never had sleep paralysis and it ended as soon as I woke up, not the other way around. I didn't wake up unable to move or breathe or anything. I'm posting here because every time I try to google it, the only thing that comes up are links about sleep paralysis. Anyway just woke up at 6am from a horrifying dream. In my dream I was pinned face down and started suffocating from the weight on my back. I couldn't breathe and my back and limbs started to ache and burn from the sheer pressure and lack of oxygen. I truly woke up thinking I must be having a heart attack in my sleep or something. Most terrifying ""nightmare"" or really anything that's ever happened to me, and I proceeded to have a huge panic attack upon waking up. I can't go back to sleep now because I'm terrified it will happen again. Has anyone else had an experience like this?",4.527671058223547,5.7884589281768015,5.551602209944754,80.05887802804932,70.21546961325967,8.221164470888228,27.735231619209518,8.617729084823388,2.034098682532936,730,25,138,12,13,241,109,181,0.17,0.768,0.062,-0.9694,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,13,5,2,2,9,0,15,12,11,0,3,25,27,13,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,9,1,0,2,2,0,3,6,4,0,0,9,1,14,1,26,14,2,32,0,0,0,0,0,14,0,5,14,100,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793100382102928,0.1288511279776567,0.2069717327556728,0.11194884570336958,0.0,0.28612953248509665,0.0,0.29009410443418665,0.0,0.1533184821713202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832702391287216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505238564483882,0.0,0.11138183684792102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375283497703473,0.10595423282850984,0.0,0.0,0.12301277772338555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714696139745054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240992745463856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490205921021837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143766934128685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365794283219756,0.0,0.0,0.09699021136509642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564254423449484,0.0,0.1475467056050379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12043877995560395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056204160328752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.629230409562615,0.0,0.0,0.09681254527716733,0.0,0.0,0.17802044477163273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354620883914966,0.08057889473337271,0.0,0.0,0.07332890513225941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537956876136159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981867431639334,0.0,0.15313603162697156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Limit_break91,2019/09/13,PTSD of Reddit? Have you recovered? Do you feel like you can live you life like a normal person again? Has anyone recovered here? Or feel like the symptoms have become less? Do you feel like you can revert to your normal self?,1.6505426356589157,4.410586651162792,2.2980232558139555,91.35153100775194,89.4651162790698,4.7271317829457375,14.143410852713178,6.42735559955562,-0.3813844961240309,178,3,33,2,6,55,28,43,0.0,0.7759999999999999,0.22399999999999998,0.8738,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,7,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,0,6,10,1,0,2,1,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,4,2,10,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,1,5,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496273629218974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23633605783083095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246005780009067,0.4586252722202124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114805073131826,0.4181804391231458,0.0,0.18895782218564264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193311550307167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684853756017916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501438272722644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22323910394042207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224184065851512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tya_pris,2019/09/13,"I have a good job but it's killing my mental health - help Ive had several traumas in my life and I experience secondary trauma in a daily basis because I work at a courthouse and I'm in court with the judge seeing all kinds of cases like domestic violence, restraining orders, murder, child rape, etc and traumatized victims in a daily basis. After seeing the system fail these people again and again I nearly had a mental breakdown and had to take a week off to recover and now I have to go back to court. I feel like my history of trauma attracted me to this field but it has become too much. I honestly think I've developed PTSD from hearing other people's stories/testimony. I have to go back to work Monday and I feel like I'm just going to have a panic attack again.",4.487682709447416,5.745131529411764,6.1077480689245425,76.04668449197862,70.30718954248366,8.700891265597148,27.63458110516934,9.095868883498916,2.4188352941176468,616,21,109,12,11,211,91,153,0.29600000000000004,0.583,0.121,-0.9909,1,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,8,17,5,1,9,0,9,3,0,0,1,16,21,9,2,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,8,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,3,5,14,7,20,18,3,21,0,1,2,1,3,7,0,0,12,76,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046623041958612,0.0,0.2439556613374526,0.0,0.09670028916903864,0.17519602713593296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769160532577902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551720446077206,0.0,0.0,0.16041770404890404,0.2266527485609239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704618089192264,0.13305257478706622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686178650455154,0.17878922788397356,0.0,0.1063273496886043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574172850972596,0.0,0.1755022499651223,0.16519029489669082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204611873665986,0.23249801225669384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197264800806951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166124038292651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611988451598588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21995021509171064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854317329014901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528175325552144,0.0,0.0,0.17920844073265998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927114499735422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164465902984578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724461965508085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309712405141707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sschwa45,2019/09/13,"Help / rant Found out the police aren’t charging my brother for molesting me AND my girlfriend broke up with me due to my PTSD. I recently went no contact with the parents and feel like I have no one. I’m not very social anymore, so I don’t have friends other than one that lives far away. I don’t think I’m going to make it. I really don’t. I have no support system, she was the last. And I loved her and I ruined everything because I decided to be vulnerable and address my trauma. Fuck. Now I’m crippled and alone.",1.2612064570943071,3.41302380373832,3.3120475785896346,88.6421920135939,81.99065420560748,6.1338997451146975,24.68054375531011,7.348242739294969,1.2087831775700937,405,16,84,6,11,137,70,107,0.243,0.63,0.127,-0.8942,2,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,9,2,0,3,0,9,2,0,1,0,15,21,7,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,8,5,0,2,3,1,17,4,10,17,0,11,0,2,0,2,10,4,1,0,5,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413564531452734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146207136371881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332445590232728,0.0,0.0,0.13192161632212054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944954849691944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094234721874586,0.1546034515043712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372825549562724,0.16719794192903906,0.2000676927401291,0.0,0.0,0.12299087311468893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505515909728126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640315282312766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572706601034522,0.0,0.19109412368768788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953186059321695,0.0,0.14445545287105147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29329023126275483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402978566585535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529718797325859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863788099128035,0.0,0.21367891120680094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206028906192916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24557966904287884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386668832632757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856103470912338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061437341210145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,seravivi,2019/09/13,"Therapist brought something to my attention today and not sure what to do with it Just as a bit of background I have been in and out of therapy. I did emdr for some childhood trauma that happened. I got through it pretty good. A lot of the triggers from those memories seemed to get easier to handle. I've been able to stand up for myself more and thought I was doing pretty good. I recently went back to therapy to help with some depression and anxiety coming back up. Today started off pretty relaxed. We were just talking about some family drama that was going on. Then it switched to talking about the difference between resting and recovering. I can't fully recover yet because even when I do rest I'm not changing my day to day behaviors that are hurting me. So we talked about why. I said if I relax and go into ""goo mode"" I feel like I will fall apart. If I fall apart then everything around me will. So she asked how I felt about quitting and relaxing. I said very deer in the headlights. The only comparison I could think of was that when my mom had an aneurysm in her liver I was living on the other side of the country from her. She had flat lined and by some miracle survived everything. I had to quit school, stop my therapies, leave a lot of my stuff behind and go help her. Her recovery was a long one, but luckily she has no residual issues. When all that happened though everything was on my shoulders. Her care, her house remodel, my dad's fear, my brother's anger, her work, etc. I pulled through and thought I was fine. Then two years later my brother's wife's cancer came back. I was put in charge of her care a lot. She passed and it was a mess. Once I told my therapist all of this but in more detail she looked at me, you know the look of not necessarily pity but like you know, and said you have ptsd. I was like yeah I know from my childhood. She said no from this. She said that a lot of the behaviors I have been struggling with seem to really draw back to these points. It wasn't even until she broke down everything that it really hit me. I thought it was fine. These seems like such a dumb thing. Once she put it out there it's so obvious to me now. Unfortunately the brain erase of the realization keeps trying to take over. I don't remember a lot afterwards. Just that now I'm aware and just lost. She brought up the hypervigilance of my body. When I was away from my mom the only thing that made me feel like maybe she won't die is because I was like if she did die I would know. Like in movies when you just know something bad happened. So now I scan my body so much that it panics me and any time I feel off I panic about something bad happening. If I have panic attacks I worry that it's a forshadow of something horrible and check on my family almost obsessively. She brought up more but I already feel lame typing that out. Has anyone else been through this? Dealt with some trauma to realize you were back in a pattern due to another trauma? How do not feel bad about what truamatized you? Any advice would be nice really.",2.7745918062200943,4.839032120065792,3.859430622009569,87.08174162679427,76.48355263157895,7.448133971291868,24.70586124401914,8.353573213984005,1.5617575000000006,2411,83,492,46,55,780,264,608,0.157,0.721,0.122,-0.9856,0,0,4,0,1,0,58.0,2,6,0,5,38,40,3,6,24,1,46,6,5,4,4,90,98,41,2,7,17,6,6,7,0,5,1,5,1,0,35,28,0,2,21,4,1,15,10,22,0,2,43,14,87,18,80,47,20,79,0,6,3,0,47,30,1,18,40,356,122,3,0.05748207705750514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056170820428034736,0.0,0.0,0.0575599969042636,0.0,0.06343290141535199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817956708703253,0.06027496974942145,0.04397363161362771,0.0,0.0,0.04019280480347009,0.05889718086300675,0.0,0.051171235489219216,0.05373798253874548,0.06539416103499128,0.05400630358979375,0.22100084550178192,0.1439853999451622,0.0700810812898104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275554041936354,0.12769925840843327,0.0,0.0641690084604352,0.0,0.06574418275372976,0.11721361707947868,0.0,0.060808415675421126,0.049515719574096666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045894761171237634,0.0,0.0,0.07414236865700781,0.0,0.04950922874031656,0.0,0.11931464147223565,0.060056536088645286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04801889944252027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410771061996651,0.07593273954020391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664473757424176,0.0,0.10837797295193274,0.0646833176583837,0.1453233265172013,0.08213041467068749,0.055191808368637636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030032012777308062,0.0,0.09800516720029738,0.0964264780343228,0.04597366811055987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332484361790815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705804916292842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632659923296308,0.06153575236265476,0.0,0.0,0.059996354135564076,0.0,0.05109271123061336,0.0,0.0,0.1579532313230985,0.0,0.0,0.060865219847184925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19657987522903084,0.0,0.05075772716224808,0.05086982934041605,0.09654093499452024,0.0,0.0627484773797273,0.2443460316788143,0.0,0.05439093117028949,0.0,0.0,0.057748472520546476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464462783813924,0.0,0.0,0.04225594060982151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243307210838793,0.03895134306201248,0.08743541968765638,0.0,0.20232849666479347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0543391426686116,0.0,0.0,0.17543981264163733,0.0,0.0,0.06719347200949499,0.11557072819801822,0.0,0.12227852911875794,0.0,0.0,0.1104734714272276,0.0,0.056756616404839415,0.0,0.06511598784491686,0.0,0.2733930927244177,0.0,0.0,0.05817493080382612,0.0,0.15698857223196358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701004495625686,0.0,0.0,0.04068610999992908,0.0,0.0,0.048057590297102895,0.0,0.06009274763749431,0.06580322576439818,0.0,0.0,0.0541761773542595,0.0,0.04321936821448827,0.1386057484693287,0.0,0.0,0.19720729418384075,0.13348224378893125,0.07637707561661687,0.03683219395390616,0.05647584885655259,0.13690304512003407,0.03351826139084988,0.0,0.10897257569532287,0.054926587968741176,0.0,0.03902655709941024,0.0,0.05615163681271052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04742873358255099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053286461320594065,0.05186863377925378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041847636706097334,0.058375839498316665,0.0,0.08166723660058157,0.0,0.0,0.03701657300110762 ptsd,the_lone_researcher,2019/09/13,"Any tips on how best to start a new relationship with someone suffering? Hello, I met a girl a couple days ago at a concert. We slept together the first night we met and had an incredibly intimate night talking till 7am. She came over last night and we had a similar night. She told me her life story of a physically abusive mother, a drug addicted absent father, molestation, a mentally abusive aunt after her mother was taken away, a physically abusive older bf, multiple rapes, and much more. She has gone through more shit than anyone I have ever met. She is one of the strongest people I have ever met. I have so much respect for her still being here, in good health, pretty good spirits, and a lot of love to give. She said she was diagnosed with PTSD at a very young age. She said she thinks she got over it. I can tell she is really really struggling and has a lot of lasting damage and trauma. She cut her wrists a few months ago, and is still talking to her ex boyfriend who was manipulating her and lied to her. She knows he manipulated her and lied to her and agrees he isn’t a good person, but she is still talking to him and letting him abuse her more. The last thing I want to do is hurt her. I told her I didn’t know how I felt about her yet(wanting to formally be bf and gf or not) since we just met, and was completely honest with her about my intentions and feelings. She said the same. I am not sure what i am really looking for here. I just have never been in a situation like this and this girl is definitely special, and i don’t want to mess it up. Is there any advice anyone can provide me with being in a relationship with someone who has struggled so much and is still struggling?",6.123582995951416,5.829261588757403,6.813575210214889,77.89761912176895,66.24852071005918,9.956026160074744,31.10308315166615,9.549672527348893,2.607358579881657,1339,45,268,24,19,443,167,338,0.155,0.743,0.102,-0.9593,0,0,1,0,1,0,35.0,4,0,0,2,17,22,4,3,21,0,34,10,3,5,4,52,60,24,0,2,6,5,2,1,3,0,5,4,0,3,8,27,0,0,5,1,0,2,6,12,0,2,24,7,50,10,36,32,11,38,1,3,1,2,68,10,1,3,27,199,58,1,0.0,0.3824462653666669,0.0,0.08797055287841637,0.0,0.07885519878474274,0.14306427293097135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975209649023053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284904113354023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581654981626107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468547509035045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922947281253944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460822233077152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928859086449323,0.0,0.0520422451930402,0.0,0.0,0.08190474294667595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935817425255643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598830668995702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04080232303267045,0.0,0.07748081632124773,0.0,0.0,0.068639977704005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741095779640964,0.0,0.2030519325398926,0.06453996416816846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577607614392675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638673866518806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869682415006283,0.19733403487160775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251712891724783,0.05699797236664636,0.03942399025010111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776431750370439,0.0,0.0,0.1372097096212563,0.0728312919908298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813225896711138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441077856103071,0.0,0.17796253844428706,0.0,0.06223773115434909,0.07793670115598883,0.0,0.30291092387081536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468169908650145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055944446908063314,0.07046063597296974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209684432352023,0.0,0.0,0.09432930749398984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508777481709676,0.0,0.0,0.17327461208142933,0.0,0.0,0.2302811300480821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283328596941078,0.06675256638052587,0.09070568678421337,0.0,0.0,0.1367469205080062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057117045244741614,0.0,0.2577757243427682,0.0,0.0,0.2530829454350085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605502647305874,0.0,0.0,0.19458116803296566,0.07053186218434318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361083774859481,0.051706739438398604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421697528494807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658265245657753,0.14278977744551735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Nugacity5,2019/09/13,"I just want to sleep I just want this feeling to go away. I’m tired of constantly looking behind my back, I’m tired of living in fear. I can’t sleep right and I can’t focus. I’m so tired and drained. My symptoms have never been this severe. I don’t cry everyday like I did before, but I feel like I have weighted chains all over me. My medication doesn’t work once again, and I don’t see my doctor for a month. I’m afraid my nmom is going to come to my apartment or send her stupid monkeys to try and fight me",0.5035626535626534,2.3498321981982,2.3778869778869773,95.98732186732187,82.87387387387388,5.117444717444719,19.0999180999181,6.1124844417494595,-0.2655477477477475,398,10,94,3,11,132,68,111,0.20199999999999999,0.7190000000000001,0.079,-0.9227,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,2,2,1,0,10,9,2,0,2,15,23,7,0,2,4,0,3,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,2,0,0,4,6,4,0,0,2,5,18,2,12,21,1,15,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,1,8,56,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901005933123268,0.12195372358976468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495704403107428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661998361537933,0.0,0.17139041566384342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742148146897347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162333971383499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846925935212918,0.16038599990859306,0.11330397703140255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802722374806083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496804168689646,0.0,0.1400468358918469,0.0,0.13318417939405838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977296297878332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659312456462554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12232221110596853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890398089033193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544365934977934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638378349103532,0.0,0.0,0.17917302288658382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31742937316873104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164846280117233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.546862615424724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767908933459873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870929523137489,0.0,0.0,0.19313225247126015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546279626561735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Stellar_Chick,2019/09/13,I feel so stupid when I get my attacks sometimes (vent) Cause like I feel like something is going to happen to me or someone I know but when it comes to them I can’t stop them from living their life so it’s not like I can tell them stay cause I have a bad feeling cause they won’t and I just feel so frustrated cause it’s just my illness talking to me and I know that but I still feel like I wanna cry.,-0.7143207354443284,1.3530497640449468,1.0890500510725258,101.66542390194077,90.68539325842696,3.685801838610828,17.079673135852914,4.851557810540192,-0.9680426966292128,315,8,77,1,11,102,52,89,0.26,0.62,0.11900000000000001,-0.9505,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,5,0,8,8,3,0,1,0,5,2,0,4,0,22,16,10,0,1,6,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,7,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,5,20,4,6,15,0,7,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,8,50,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326189532055533,0.0,0.0,0.12716315390726388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6258113667314792,0.0,0.13119194872732648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672931033329703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850342995177409,0.2176046161321986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956984800681638,0.0,0.08655492963276155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467734432797507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739889799275742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757316119746872,0.2976220438819157,0.0,0.13448264907915886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904229670170905,0.11724707295918692,0.15062742811926438,0.0,0.0,0.16233027905320213,0.12162603508570392,0.12732863374391154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241202324506205,0.13311588228976884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,michaelad567,2019/10/15,This website will tell you if a movie or tv show has your triggers in it. It's [https://www.doesthedogdie.com/](https://www.doesthedogdie.com/),13.811052631578953,19.149044052631574,8.609736842105267,50.25565789473686,55.84210526315789,5.905263157894738,25.28947368421053,7.1686216300943375,1.026031578947368,123,3,16,1,2,33,18,19,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ChildhoodTraumaStudy,2019/10/15,"I'm in grad school and working on a thesis project on PTSD resulting from childhood trauma- here's a short survey where you can help contribute to treatment research! Hey y'all. I'm a grad student studying how childhood trauma and complex PTSD affect us and how we can better treat complex PTSD. This online survey shouldn't take longer than about 15-20 minutes. If you want to share about your experience or help contribute to research into complex PTSD effects and treatment, please participate! [Link: Childhood Trauma Study](http://newschool.co1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_56i4ifvbdKmVUP3)",8.999499999999998,12.28286077894737,6.05809210526316,72.77976973684213,62.26315789473684,7.697368421052633,37.13815789473684,8.472884824447931,3.644394736842105,494,24,63,7,8,137,67,95,0.085,0.7390000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.7896,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,4,0,3,6,6,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,5,0,19,7,8,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,3,11,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,3,34,7,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009461152847015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706912288515755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426634332963843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19870204103877526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8463956090273231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319862225927586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361020735634437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21774087084604665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676837334955076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178235510440034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JayJoyK,2019/10/15,Has anyone seen Joker? I have ptsd from being sexually assaulted. I have flashbacks and shake if I see rape in a tv show or movie. I can’t find any info online about if there’s rape in the movie? Can anyone help me out if you’ve seen it?,0.7552941176470611,2.6273535490196096,2.9644705882352973,91.97611764705884,82.13725490196079,5.648627450980393,16.08235294117647,6.742157984588678,-0.34073647058823564,185,3,42,2,5,63,40,51,0.267,0.6579999999999999,0.075,-0.9159,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,1,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,8,9,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,3,5,0,5,6,0,4,0,0,3,2,1,3,0,4,0,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847307758802182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.585530410203175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826847764727058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806461962311874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4894386124714836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336501805977943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,luc2016,2019/10/15,"Need some advice My husband is a combat veteran, with many deployments under his belt. He was diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago. Because the military is really all he knows, he struggles to relate to civilians and civilians struggle to relate to him. We have been married for 3 years, together for 5. We got into a huge argument the other night and it was like something just set him off about how my family doesn’t appreciate him or doesn’t understand him. It almost felt to me like they don’t live up to his standards. My family tries so hard to relate to him but almost has to walk on eggshells because they don’t know what they are going to get. We’ve been to therapy over this same issue over and over. He won’t say anything to my family about it, but expects me to say something because I am on his team. I’m trying hard to understand his triggers but it’s so hard.",4.605862068965519,5.610513436781614,5.73051724137931,79.80370689655173,69.80459770114942,9.018390804597699,29.44252873563219,9.2995712137729,2.5636528735632202,694,26,132,14,12,231,101,174,0.076,0.883,0.040999999999999995,-0.597,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,3,1,6,4,0,2,5,0,15,1,0,2,1,28,25,10,0,2,5,1,4,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,7,8,0,0,5,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,6,6,21,2,29,18,4,17,0,0,0,0,22,10,0,4,6,92,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192516788450614,0.1196736455906632,0.0,0.27037569318594723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109748077166896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24689309353771435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702707152224186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818116461816053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296258186972819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053445716770383,0.0,0.07672636218071754,0.0,0.10797570406725099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628134589514789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090997837450492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839025957897378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191309165599455,0.0,0.11921174777738272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368737186634312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010437876910604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669289755642624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578134342358872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648755797501355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21472253610908168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078666442838993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28227274447146844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438980117553194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833188498248928,0.0,0.0,0.2810896008250024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17387738225888172 ptsd,ajdctx13,2019/10/15,"Isolation/avoidance behaviors? Hi yall, My ptsd stems from relationship trauma. Recently i deleted all my social media to kind of get away from people, do yall think that's healthy or an avoidance behavior cus rn my mind can't decide",3.3086363636363667,6.227270772727278,4.737454545454547,76.77118181818186,79.9090909090909,8.065454545454546,29.25454545454545,8.841846274778883,3.144314545454546,190,9,31,5,5,63,37,44,0.127,0.81,0.062,-0.4215,0,3,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,5,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,17,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188254828365839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729358126426567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533752483079441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426413748504373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352588628830397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966757532530387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33506191734372703,0.3643291734724567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3459191507716545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174383588715756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Blight_Father,2019/10/15,Cheaters Have you ever cheated death? If so when and how? Full stories.,1.0258974358974378,2.699951076923078,0.6230769230769262,98.31358974358973,115.15384615384615,1.7333333333333334,27.41025641025641,3.1291,0.3272256410256409,56,3,10,0,3,16,13,13,0.511,0.489,0.0,-0.8875,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,therealsoccerhorse,2019/10/15,"I’m so drunk I can barely see straight, and my grnadparents are coming in three hours. I haven’t slept and I need help Whenever I feel my symptoms coming on, I drink. It just so happens that currently I drank and now the sun is coming up and my grandparents are visiting in like two or three hours. I am going to be in very deep shit once they get here.",3.7421917808219187,4.4838854109589095,4.813589041095892,86.55572602739728,71.60273972602741,8.579726027397259,25.558904109589037,8.841846274778883,1.5803665753424658,277,8,61,5,5,91,53,73,0.091,0.815,0.094,-0.19,3,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,0,1,0,7,6,2,0,0,11,19,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,2,0,5,1,1,0,3,2,2,11,1,6,16,0,16,0,0,1,0,3,7,1,1,5,40,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5789130549267478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21945161309644426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326984861887684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703976307627433,0.0,0.12731416121888514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809770744488175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015403536261834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4412237174502999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094435089885804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610594657554664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385710518059817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17851273841942722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22995047989906625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328396893108567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21883229464627726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483768579453413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,observendespise,2019/10/15,"Starting treatment (NSFW) My psychiatrist has just decleared that I will get treatment soon... And though I want it, it scares the hell out of me. I have C-PTSD. As a child I was a victim of physical, sexual and mental abuse - my dad told me I was worthless and unlovable and that there was a reason no one liked me at school, gave me death threats, threw me into furniture, suffocated me several times by putting his hand over my nose and mouth until I passed out, and would ignore me after this happened, treating me like air while I tried to get him to look at me (sometimes I actually believed I was invisible), sometimes for days. My mom would bite me, put dirty socks in my mouth when she thought I was annoying, made out with me and touched me in ways that made me feel dirty and gross. I tried to kill myself when I was 9, and after that my parents sorta started to change their ways, but I think I lost my ability to love at that point. I was raped for the first time when I was 13 and started self harming and stealing my parents alcohol and drink until I passed out. At 16 I started to love someone for the first time after 7 years, but I also found xanax and OD'd for the first time (after that I've probably OD'd 30-40 times). At 17 I sold my body for the first time, to a man who asked me how hard he was allowed to hit and strangle me. I told him there was no boundaries as long as he payed me more than we first agreed to. I did this over and over again to get money for drugs. I was raped twice when I was too high to defend myself at all. I was in psychiatric hospitals and they restrained me to beds (my hands and feet were strained and I was completely defenseless). Now I'm 19 months clean, and things have gotten better, but still... I feel like I'm too fucked up to get better. I feel like since my very core is damaged there's no way to heal... And making myself vulnerable to a therapist frightens me, aswell as the thought of going through my traumas again... I just needed to put this out there... Because I'm terrified.",5.413602941176472,5.358481585784318,5.5875490196078434,85.28147058823531,67.70098039215686,8.662745098039215,29.745098039215684,8.212053250817874,1.8205862745098045,1589,52,337,19,24,503,203,408,0.203,0.7070000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9940000000000001,3,0,3,0,1,1,57.0,1,0,2,8,20,28,8,2,11,0,23,17,7,6,1,54,61,37,2,4,5,4,7,4,0,3,4,0,2,3,13,28,2,2,8,1,3,7,3,19,0,7,28,9,69,9,58,29,2,67,1,3,1,5,23,22,2,1,39,230,82,2,0.0,0.10148866392480348,0.08358815570565781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154049440882454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849928182217355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08007704228013858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221526231874973,0.0,0.0,0.09650527512279727,0.0,0.151512006018531,0.0,0.09514479732600302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061296764384663,0.0,0.08980896109073237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524120286257622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391052713870058,0.09933406992555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993113933986533,0.12238570146037885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642958637511602,0.0,0.09391767017508412,0.0,0.0791878340273275,0.17900744637685104,0.0,0.048680427677709616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574554965500709,0.0,0.0767311862007616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050054372091396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476596293771716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738929190928228,0.0,0.0,0.07580309647722451,0.07192968704906634,0.0,0.09350392848350583,0.0,0.15461624150477662,0.16210005248481582,0.05717622005644705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632136558806311,0.0,0.0,0.10031957887900184,0.06837001116743162,0.0,0.0,0.06351303297051407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058042899972957786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022228456362208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097285419681621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235193791853237,0.0,0.1001275865757362,0.2583246053641808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806890342739784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575686117722536,0.08668871017372723,0.0,0.0,0.08935816226460523,0.09676719504150152,0.0,0.07085574512295173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257627287788103,0.0,0.16943246680345786,0.0,0.2425117726241123,0.0,0.06840520152736766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994535222068233,0.05690621441710667,0.054885074079412254,0.08415684257279626,0.13600300835574336,0.2996811314176085,0.0,0.0,0.16369645823251328,0.0,0.1163099586272884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067538684849235,0.050522282639878686,0.2039698615558808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216955019376044,0.0,0.0,0.055159824415409286 ptsd,dglazier17,2019/10/15,New here Hi everyone. I’m new to reddit and online help in general so if this post doesn’t belong feel free to remove it no hard feelings. I just wana vent about my least favorite part about living with ptsd that I really hate about myself is my reactions to things or how hyperactive you can be. I hurt my best friend yesterday not realizing there wasn’t any danger. We were playing cards and he reached for the deck really quick by me and I just had so much fear remembering what happened to me and I just started punching. I’ve felt so guilty ever since. It makes me feel like a shitty person that I can’t control myself playing a card game with my friends without freaking out.,3.344825870646765,5.507787686567166,4.263507462686569,84.38441542288558,75.11940298507463,7.153233830845772,25.345771144278608,8.07648339933343,1.5928129353233829,546,19,104,9,12,176,99,134,0.177,0.654,0.16899999999999998,-0.4999,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,1,0,2,14,12,2,1,3,0,8,0,0,3,1,26,17,10,0,1,7,0,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,7,8,0,1,6,3,1,1,6,5,0,0,4,5,17,8,14,12,4,10,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,2,7,72,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110774611009475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689514541287786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997438025827896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109318497823644,0.0,0.17017324393742905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20040148863473287,0.27014394457508617,0.1272279929202147,0.1709949482791305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27518478229343796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748496989846286,0.0,0.15953423803957414,0.17582764247474325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937040586799398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064971965203373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700609381582243,0.0,0.1572573029842376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887688894607185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091711601115627,0.0,0.0,0.3440021108698549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285481455903872,0.0,0.0,0.1555018826074054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705616098434665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20817843463682856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281788559000376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017419849575568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731842251650448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605347570148148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831551167469945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167302733997647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SubstantialCycle7,2019/10/15,Gotta love a panic attack on the train It's so embarrassing. I always feel like an idiot but I also can't breath and need to escape now. Just wish I could go home but I've got to go to work.,-1.9206060606060584,-0.05775245454545441,1.4836363636363683,97.48712121212124,96.27272727272728,3.8424242424242414,9.606060606060606,5.46131890053228,-1.6640939393939391,148,1,37,1,6,53,36,44,0.184,0.602,0.214,0.3436,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,2,2,3,0,2,2,1,0,0,8,10,5,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,2,4,7,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,20,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328068770565329,0.2422334112762734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33118863498683193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243395227925154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719795583958747,0.20797468378815095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33089801936450064,0.0,0.2328335763605381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920149869980129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222549954344854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627452680481516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586023188738893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415641272798828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33477121444890945,0.0,0.0,0.21193729621672586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,IamJunSeongP,2019/10/15,"I've seen my death *I'm safe and not at risk* A little over 3 years ago, I hit a low. I ended up putting a S&W .380 caliber revolver to my head and I pulled the trigger. All I heard was a click. For the first couple of seconds I thought, is this death? Did I retain my consciousness. But after the first few seconds the realization that I failed set in. I sat there and cried for the next hour. But I didnt have the strength to try again. To this day I still have the round that never went off. The firing pin light struck the primer. Never went off. I keep it as a reminder that for some fucking reason I'm still here. Serving a purpose unbeknownst to me. Death is not a stranger to me. I'm a career fireman and have responded to over 20 fatalities in my career so far. 8 being this year alone. My death, haunts my dreams. That night, that sound, that unmistakable click, I can hear it now... a common reoccurring nightmare is that night, played over and over again. Only I'm not me. I'm outside looking in at myself, screaming at me to not do it, or sometimes, screaming at me to do it again. Every time the gun goes off, and every time I wake up. Or it's the crashes I've responded to. The lifeless bodies in the cars, or the buildings, only their faces arent theirs, they're mine, or someone I love. The eyes open and I feel as if they lock onto my very soul, and I wake up in a panic. I've gotten plenty of help for PTSD. But, even though this is anonymous, this is the only time I've ever told/written about this. I dont know what I need, but, I know one day I'm going to lose this battle. This is more of a rant I guess. But I guess I just want people to know, even though no one here knows me, I want someone to know.",0.8226148648648675,2.8647310527777816,2.3645945945945956,95.43932432432436,82.91666666666667,4.7807807807807805,19.72972972972973,5.78547306074238,-0.2461891891891885,1329,36,300,8,37,432,174,360,0.139,0.8240000000000001,0.038,-0.9822,1,1,0,2,0,0,60.0,0,0,3,5,17,14,2,2,27,0,18,8,6,2,4,47,49,23,5,4,15,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,21,9,0,3,9,2,0,6,10,10,0,6,10,14,41,4,43,37,4,57,1,3,6,2,9,24,1,8,26,201,62,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708071024413982,0.0,0.0,0.11342716481230375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866223198986613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164932171662918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117909860005135,0.12029989861788838,0.14125953384539974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835376628294504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700005284058584,0.0,0.0,0.14467063280206566,0.0990649042590714,0.1845465378180468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055375369663867316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186311163510737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012472207453078,0.0,0.0,0.0622413539605106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412918819390953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123966137841899,0.0,0.12343425115938865,0.0,0.0734073128560772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785273731797088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973442405748106,0.0,0.0,0.3009399379900518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976536778976358,0.0,0.0,0.09196716884925143,0.12252213766722335,0.0,0.0,0.09884387498868596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120588406484883,0.1689333897461136,0.0,0.11647316896803858,0.20554962484782024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842386784393802,0.2498791214196221,0.0,0.1284952613924339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592568750789208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12802016856819207,0.11009539813159447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260229321380105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18558774870399133,0.0,0.10831566855302384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492173196146704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21520089599257305,0.08694471049850869,0.1915817122575376,0.0,0.0,0.1046487231622774,0.0,0.07435523524958898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036345773821672,0.1291925903979486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304775320141016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105143769766634 ptsd,essdeeone,2019/10/15,"PTSD and SAD experiencing it rn and hating it! i don't need more crap muddying up my recovery process. it's already like ""okay, yes, i'm very distracted this week but i have no idea if that's PTSD-related or just normal ADHD stuff"" and now it's ""i'm extremely sad and tired all the time but i don't know if *that's* PTSD or if it's just that it's kind of dark outside"". like shit, don't i have enough going on without seasons happening? i'm very used to the anxiety side of PTSD but i've totally forgotten how to deal with the depressive side. i bought one of those lights that i'm hoping will help and have started taking a vitamin D supplement, but there's the big negative depression part of my brain woken up from its hibernation to go ""but what if this isn't seasonal affective disorder, what if you're just having a depression relapse and you're going to feel like this all the time and you'll go into psychosis again and etc etc"" because not only do i have PTSD about life stuff but i have PTSD about the psychological effects of when i had untreated PTSD so it's a huge ouroboros of bad moods like fuck right *off*, i'm tryna recover here, for fuck's sake",1.6554621848739473,3.9683557731092454,3.4925478991596632,86.97892268907562,81.60504201680672,7.6735462184873935,23.805714285714288,8.608573733854374,1.7740969411764715,926,34,194,23,25,310,131,238,0.212,0.669,0.11900000000000001,-0.9831,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,1,12,20,5,1,9,2,14,8,3,4,3,41,36,24,0,8,18,0,1,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,20,10,0,0,4,0,1,4,8,12,0,1,3,3,11,7,21,31,8,23,0,5,0,2,3,10,4,8,13,117,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067813182206618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098048996464123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797056975791663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418665316740401,0.05416258391361812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918680595178916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09160120727612986,0.22958102587402285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183064099254273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180656146944284,0.19818411428927185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449256017300548,0.06347498347044125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642821472105357,0.0,0.0,0.20198368308095085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857041231025809,0.0,0.0,0.0877217068631263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955477537150474,0.0,0.0,0.08824882869455182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030166586697258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925243687060454,0.048830040795665365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06275790238497685,0.17363192612023073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588169483615901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705485637117945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020755811172461,0.06757498840908535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621668852393728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7270322887222759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587804297478944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120400356797846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288900817260258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034256704751604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680469577603784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361915722806933,0.10212085043012528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673850823529456,0.0,0.1466223246161621,0.0,0.0,0.07127070093427783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564893874855939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gmailsbtr,2019/10/15,"Need advice on helping a friend with PTSD. So I just found out an old military buddy has been diagnosed with ptsd and a myriad of other disorders possibly including TBI. He’s been messaging me some really dark stuff, he wants to hurt other people/himself, hates everyone. I’m trying to be supportive without being patronizing and humorous without being aloof. What can I do/say to help him? We’re on opposite sides of the country so I can’t see him in person. I don’t want to call the police on him if he just needs to talk but I am becoming concerned for people around him.",4.094811507936505,5.918536080357146,5.909761904761902,74.85746031746035,72.125,9.977777777777778,28.515873015873016,10.25414643259724,3.3440146825396835,459,18,81,14,9,158,81,112,0.04,0.863,0.09699999999999999,0.4497,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,5,0,10,1,0,0,0,18,19,6,0,5,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,1,10,3,18,13,1,8,0,1,1,0,14,7,0,2,1,56,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575608646809764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100266775161944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873380504285799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732066123039339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216632337807655,0.0,0.0,0.1944055316121368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16208444518642348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859856178672841,0.13105224925423287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674700747282831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22739280934088665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158761812232468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515503346202053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799344002452752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175969716900523,0.14811045370406806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122727728660985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3965662908828988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086664460466805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489301485333258,0.0,0.0,0.13516957101518598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941806278877054,0.0,0.1924890200672361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633856068082156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516458766006175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000990428175298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327025879580752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,albanicole,2019/10/15,Flashbacks I’m new here and i just don’t know where else to go. My flashbacks are becoming a daily thing and I haven’t told anyone about what happened to me so it’s not like my parents could help or understand when I cannot physically go to school or cry uncontrollably it’s getting to the point where my medication isn’t working and I don’t know how to make them stop I can’t even insert a menstrual cup without freaking out I hate myself for being weak I don’t know what to do. I’m just hoping for tips and also just to rant. (Sorry if it doesn’t make sense this is hard).,1.8358643815201208,3.653224926229512,3.5338152011922515,89.48100596125187,78.42622950819671,6.403576751117736,22.566318926974677,7.348242739294969,0.7390721311475414,459,14,100,6,11,153,76,122,0.132,0.7759999999999999,0.092,-0.5638,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,12,6,1,1,3,0,13,2,0,3,0,23,28,11,0,3,8,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,4,0,0,2,10,4,0,0,1,1,13,2,12,25,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,4,4,67,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551326733023554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135641392013515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142452506089652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488417197639887,0.0,0.21308745046876112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205264587004167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812769027932705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135107609434706,0.0,0.2204964689337946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154354463514718,0.0,0.17377574953102246,0.1915236549519969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002651973921311,0.0,0.0,0.1926745251683863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31983330759511563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477306785306132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589778938035275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542318140751536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873554711241171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154014665631402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833820005454089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19632689564973124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171544395632044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621832185284924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288774558682326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536449215381973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20194905204139588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869981601871808,0.0,0.14122606578580552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,holy_water_ice_cubes,2019/10/15,"Two therapists and four years post diagnosis I've been seeing Roxanne for 4 years, and Troy for one. My stability is at an all time high, and whatever magic they've concocted has been working. However, I've decided that I need to step away from seeing Troy after he told me that he ""doesn't think he has the capacity or skills"" to know what I'm needing. That's okay with me. I've done a lot of DEH (think EMDR on steroids) with him, and have gotten to a place where I can do fishing. That may be more therapeutic than what he can offer me right now, and that's okay. Sometimes I slip, and my sense of impending doom gets the best of me, but I'm noticing it for what it is. I skipped my session with him tonight, and went out to the lake with a friend. There was discussion of how this felt better than therapy, and I was able to sit with all the angst and anxiety as it fucked with my head. And I beat it. Even caught a trout. A big one. I'm mending. My brain is making new neuropathways and I am getting better. And growing. A year ago, I would have never thought this was possible.",3.0361990950226243,4.3518232986425325,4.216651583710409,87.98570135746608,73.93212669683258,7.914932126696832,26.12217194570136,8.4952907291091,1.5765638009049778,843,29,185,15,17,276,131,221,0.046,0.863,0.091,0.8201,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,6,5,8,1,0,11,2,21,3,2,2,3,37,41,16,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,14,19,0,0,6,0,0,4,2,2,0,4,12,3,19,6,27,26,5,25,1,1,2,1,10,9,1,3,10,121,33,2,0.14996070255595453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329311147048182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471952699481235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14089301645578267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737450549235416,0.26525610996702065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740573903443265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346186395860004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904762972513842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398579143225093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585926680112395,0.1386362530784121,0.15669655537148014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15390294448614414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844171566426113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241448031357243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749122666760115,0.0,0.0,0.10009993342003892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223879216001555,0.11565893859521875,0.14483298099282554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073125379279852,0.0,0.0,0.20323450613080254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667701666243813,0.0,0.0,0.1690581601222403,0.14362090008168749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806562061142707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23899852891896986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831496931307456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149313257755314,0.17411593388760296,0.0,0.19217752610015645,0.0,0.11905204705640415,0.08744329161240183,0.0,0.0,0.14329387771694005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648981625484675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390150736613589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917317748408234,0.0,0.0,0.1065277805130005,0.0,0.0,0.2897093273738153 ptsd,natnaat13,2019/10/15,"Medical Marijuana for relief I am looking into getting a medical marijuana card. I feel like it would help me with not only my PTSD, but also ADHD/ADD, anxiety, depression, TMJ, back pain, and Hoshimotos disease. ... I actually know it will help because I used Marijuana recreationally for a long time illegally. Have any of you tried Medical for your PTSD? What type of prescription do you get and how exactly does it work in FL?",5.722900432900435,7.780310402597401,7.804610389610389,61.96501082251083,68.35064935064935,12.406060606060604,36.20995670995672,11.855464076750405,5.527616450216451,339,18,54,14,6,120,60,77,0.14,0.752,0.10800000000000001,-0.6917,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,2,1,12,11,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,9,2,8,9,0,5,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,0,4,35,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.17490273998342232,0.0,0.21539977100111432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333025984904998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188262565508608,0.0,0.13711054896714653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378168967948611,0.0,0.10925701579852322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437063718478766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684548323895514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062413244181708,0.12804203143080306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872806774143696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402683388968078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850018505696062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875627819266406,0.0,0.0,0.15861301354441626,0.15050815806168388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5416664608829751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631258043322672,0.19071348120166629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4190208311735302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045105225809801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168548450156964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547972751815231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048165983117369,0.0,0.0,0.1273199327874642,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,capriciousVelpecula,2019/10/15,Issues with PTSD regarding death This PTSD is regarding sudden death and witnessing it. My mum passed suddenly after saying a few words to me. Please share your experiences getting over the visual disturbances and utter mind numbing what ifs and visuals and reminders and memories.,8.177173913043479,11.409112586956525,7.3645652173913065,62.74510869565219,64.43478260869566,11.556521739130435,35.413043478260875,11.20814326018867,5.45301739130435,233,11,29,8,4,72,39,46,0.22,0.6990000000000001,0.081,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,2,6,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,4,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998581016282777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601561864532728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199514914535566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095212783555685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33649241519197504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7166652672528634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437754815851317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AbsolutelyStupidGirl,2019/10/15,"Emotional Self Harm (sexual abuse) I am a victim of sexual abuse for years at an early age, and I cannot stop forcing myself to relive it. I trace my fingers where I know I was touched, lay in the position I was in and think about it, or just simply sit in class and probe at it mentally. I feel like nobody else does this with their trauma? Does anyone else here do that? It's like poking a bruise or picking a scab so that it never heals. Also, if you saw a similar post from about four days ago that is now deleted, it was me again, one of my friends discovered my account and so I deleted it before she could see. Sorry! I barely got to even read the replies.",3.1710294117647067,4.24603875,4.464000000000002,87.28100000000002,73.26470588235293,7.498823529411764,23.894117647058824,7.908726449838941,1.1092141176470591,514,14,109,7,10,170,95,136,0.106,0.809,0.084,-0.6077,0,0,0,0,2,0,16.0,0,1,1,0,11,6,1,0,7,0,8,3,1,1,1,16,14,10,0,2,4,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,11,5,0,1,3,1,1,0,2,3,0,2,5,5,17,3,14,8,0,17,0,0,2,0,5,6,0,3,11,76,28,2,0.0,0.4351104694712882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276472957549476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468378512410775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838875343683506,0.18813655003475654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624390738621144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466026370856243,0.0,0.0,0.11841729303631067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321367640858697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067756366334326,0.20654357063135426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212768034263806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284189460311958,0.1311754878812232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418614616418057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468546912437412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091069070721742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941125286928286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504199609058736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161617395026027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244231251059776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585361422037124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836659422354389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631838082008955,0.0,0.19155179716846005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20554336242742505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351140935778845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765388086768892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182428468815269 ptsd,ChiefAzrael,2019/10/15,"MDMA-assisted Psychotherapy for PTSD - FDA Phase 3 Online Application There is an online site for MDMA-assisted Psychotherapy for Phase 3 trials. It may be worth checking out, if nothing else has helped out. **MDMA -assisted Psychotherapy FDA Application**: [https://mdmaptsd.org/](https://mdmaptsd.org/) They give 21 sessions of psychotherapy. Three sessions include MDMA. It's used to help psychotherapy, instead of numbing the pain. The benefits improved long after the sessions ended, according to a story in NPR. [https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/08/14/746614170/mdma-aka-ecstasy-shows-promise-as-a-ptsd-treatment](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/08/14/746614170/mdma-aka-ecstasy-shows-promise-as-a-ptsd-treatment) >After the Phase 2 trials of MDMA-assisted treatments concluded in 2017, researchers found 54% of the patients who took MDMA had improved to the point that they[ no longer fit](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00213-019-05249-5) the diagnosis for PTSD (compared to 23% in the control group). In addition, the beneficial effects of the treatment appeared to increase, rather than wane, over time. **A year later, the number who no longer had PTSD had risen to 68% percent.**",14.108354838709678,19.909254980645173,7.5305645161290355,54.87584677419358,60.483870967741936,8.519354838709678,34.84677419354839,8.982922981607832,4.468283870967742,1042,42,99,21,20,264,98,155,0.061,0.8140000000000001,0.125,0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,114.0,0,0,2,3,3,3,0,0,14,0,7,2,0,4,0,12,12,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,0,2,3,2,2,0,1,5,0,2,1,24,5,2,18,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,3,6,59,7,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155828350138161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160630602237643,0.0,0.1230559092833782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233596915749342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327991053483626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295364586097967,0.0,0.0,0.1862515198089544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295383973505418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331267843448555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783752151848226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313392697723973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8120427663921199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810146012417211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436282205519594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999595076580714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947012096034479 ptsd,voltairebear,2019/03/21,"Whose insomnia was the catalyst for getting diagnosed/going to therapy? I have been dealing with insufferable insomnia for the past year or so. I am a teacher and went through trauma sensitivity training about 6 months ago. We watched a documentary about ACEs and the entire thing just seemed like it was about me as a kid. I score an 8 on the ACEs survey. I sort of put that on a back burner for a while but recently read Childhood Disrupted and am currently reading The Body Keeps the Score. I was previously diagnosed with bipolar 2 and generalized anxiety disorder. My spouse has never agreed with bipolar 2 and just going through the past year of insomnia and learning everything I have, I believe I have ptsd from an unstable childhood and the traumatic death of my mother. Just curious, is there anyone else here whose catalyst for coming to terms with PTSD was insomnia? I have an appointment for psychiatric evaluation next week with a new psychiatrist and an appointment with a counselor certified in EMDR. I’m currently on Lamictal for bipolar 2 but the depression and anxiety has become unbearable, affecting my sleep every night. I lay there and the sleep doesn’t come for hours and I wake up feeling exhausted everyday. What medications have helped you the most with this? Has anyone seen an improvement with their sleep on an SSRI?",6.748763365876336,8.860727811715485,7.1155299860530015,67.69696768944678,65.86192468619247,11.838307763830777,36.70874012087401,11.538034831475384,5.201948210134821,1093,56,171,39,18,355,136,239,0.142,0.815,0.043,-0.9782,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,1,1,2,11,4,0,0,24,0,17,15,5,1,1,37,27,17,1,0,6,2,1,1,0,0,10,0,0,1,7,22,0,1,3,2,0,5,2,3,0,0,7,3,18,1,33,20,2,32,0,1,2,0,10,6,0,4,22,124,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153176207911291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19903817011843605,0.0,0.0,0.18192498609850888,0.13329337007128686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003177420004088,0.0,0.0,0.1436750377599487,0.0,0.14656775244159007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450152163017488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22412336335376806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411787441105666,0.11204699192269807,0.13203939592489222,0.0,0.0,0.14909529607689098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867414772695806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096070867883969,0.0,0.11691719822224947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577780347926446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796705944928615,0.0,0.14786716816336576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719710276062671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811320634183132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563065610641292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355578041385518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310527672752955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383721364936722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033402376595353,0.12564247894307393,0.1383530126388641,0.12208137761018605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483727252842902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041383033856481,0.1307771578994394,0.0,0.0,0.2602519542678678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844894379649455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184297536195623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905541681706386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877013613235202,0.0,0.08642652887587329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043509709241826,0.0,0.0,0.12059544963817573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675483848805579 ptsd,romalexandra,2019/03/21,"It's been ten years. Trigger warning if mentions or talk about sexual abuse make you uncomfortable!! It has now been 10 years since my trauma happened. When my therapist asks me what happened I can tell her about the day, the layout of the apartment, the time I woke up and the time my dad came to pick me up from my friends house, but I can't bring myself to tell her what happened in between. She knows what happened but she says talking it through is going to help me learn to deal with it. She also says I turn all my emotions into rage until it consumes me and I can see nothing but red, she says I'm angry, and shes right. Damn right I'm angry, I was eight years old and he was horny, I was a kid and he was my friends dad, he had a daughter my age and not once did he stop and think ""how would I feel if this had happened to my child"". That sad excuse of a man took my childhood and my innocence and replaced it with unhealthy coping mechanisms, doctors appointments for psychosomatic stomach pains that no one could diagnose for years, he fucked me up so bad I was scared to even be in the same room with my dad who had never done anything but love and care for me because my 8 year old brain though all that men around me wanted was to hurt and use me. So yeah, I'm angry. And I'm so sorry if anyone reading this has had to go through anything similar, I know the pain and I know how hard it is, and I also know you are so tough and a force to be reckoned with to have survived it. My therapist said I should tell someone how I feel so I guess I'm telling reddit.",4.07386795208881,4.441908110429452,4.7256354075372515,88.83170756646221,70.65644171779141,7.436517674554483,28.10049664037394,7.07126945348624,1.2270226701723637,1228,41,271,10,21,394,169,326,0.21100000000000002,0.703,0.085,-0.9939,0,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,2,0,1,17,15,3,1,11,1,29,8,2,7,3,57,63,36,0,7,9,4,3,0,2,2,4,4,1,4,17,22,0,1,9,1,0,5,4,11,0,3,18,9,46,4,33,40,3,33,0,2,2,2,41,11,2,5,17,181,63,3,0.0,0.10751689588502568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513601553234606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345037044431455,0.0,0.14934929142374245,0.08078146981182803,0.08483346498672639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576751618243681,0.05531674874046963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130040383515228,0.0,0.10378705269960957,0.09251963704917722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245176374247357,0.0,0.0,0.05852242434819984,0.0935531616308899,0.0,0.0921033307666868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288041074806053,0.0,0.09286269922385322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207487586440683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993560882645376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176586652067056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402173017806096,0.08389143946938947,0.0,0.0,0.10314390340463753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999648343882407,0.0,0.4012234500419456,0.0,0.08128887147430025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06082384383239017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470648446210842,0.09714341415264838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948229220294336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190007483161002,0.0,0.06057237785161075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998742847418682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707139187153051,0.0,0.19044129373523053,0.0966394833341165,0.06149053689268522,0.0,0.19311619750821435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076863635548944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549898965252154,0.0863183999977204,0.21649000317911452,0.09085065423119563,0.0,0.07231128286025854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506444046681804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688716427005081,0.0,0.0,0.10158056791794036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586611389581385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587330790661154,0.3172573015257145,0.0,0.0,0.21072174130566695,0.0,0.05814514219844692,0.0891555975908405,0.0,0.10582720525715468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082001147526616,0.0,0.09870350091557373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837374940494568,0.0,0.0,0.053523209316169884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446199065738015,0.0,0.0,0.2921810608868621 ptsd,raychul33,2019/03/21,"abandonment fears are making me disengage from everyone I was diagnosed with PTSD about a few years ago for something that happened with my mom when I was 15. Since then, I’ve had intense abandonment fears from everyone- family, friends, relationships. The anxiety that I feel around abandonment fears drives me insane and is relentless. I don’t know how to turn it off or calm myself down. I push people away and leave before I’m left , and I read into every small thing and overthink like crazy. Anyone else have any tips to help? Any words of advice to help calm down? Anyone been through something similar? ",6.468727272727275,8.292910554545458,5.863409090909091,77.51511363636364,66.18181818181819,9.863636363636363,30.113636363636363,10.125756701596842,3.189909090909091,491,18,83,12,8,150,83,110,0.213,0.644,0.142,-0.8762,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,3,2,0,8,1,0,2,0,17,14,8,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,3,2,1,0,2,1,6,0,0,4,1,10,4,17,10,1,14,0,3,0,0,5,8,0,1,5,50,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544258210921934,0.13193573526749208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242962482427776,0.0,0.11386051472756414,0.0,0.0,0.20814171017202815,0.15250192178774102,0.0,0.13249720339773494,0.0,0.0,0.13983801882220115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665001106707416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106724077476158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433488903568522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540227145466212,0.28444180518452145,0.0,0.0,0.1403110379176967,0.5024517356843244,0.07525686713599758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499172023722427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316167809077541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19952568891021266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179736610954119,0.0,0.0,0.15759774679740424,0.16171271245755134,0.0,0.0,0.0727146342586206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935039170721063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431704033060536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318539472828243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398343117429213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488780843099662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979610338622666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312017173786168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22916523028794694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888122522497136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189279382193686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958466676664112 ptsd,notsurehowimalive,2019/03/21,"I talk about my trauma like I'm reading a book out loud My therapist once told me that when I talk about my trauma, it sounds like when you're in class and you're reading a book out loud. There is no emotion in your voice, it's completely monotone and sounds like you are talking about someone else. Does anyone else have this too? Emotionless when talking or thinking about trauma? To me, it almost seems like I'm outside my body watching it happen and I can't feel anything at all. Or maybe I'm just crazy.",3.646470588235293,5.225092225490201,3.8432843137254906,90.21727941176472,72.82352941176471,6.276470588235295,26.47549019607843,6.6274283507984215,0.9772901960784316,405,14,82,3,8,125,62,102,0.128,0.7759999999999999,0.096,-0.5204,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,10,7,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,1,13,12,8,0,0,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,5,0,0,6,5,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,7,11,4,10,11,1,8,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,4,7,46,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705184607717366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664841213606507,0.17093264977534547,0.1372833411076407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530575058313356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491357816431355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599029905108926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27872294058004,0.18765646449643256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435208922318807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752342037221458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260104519488166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16759884401556746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766393169394826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337417016947451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15187185669929895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135087885132855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363527311562368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19369750210855732,0.0,0.10689517592063627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940911070860106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sladeogg,2019/03/21,"26/M Recently diagnosed with PTSD along with a few other fun things. Digging through this sub to see if there's any help I can find here, but any advice you can give right off the bat? I started seeing multiple psychologists and have been struggling with chronic PTSD, alcohol dependency, bipolar disorder, major depressive disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder. My psychs want to get me completely sober before I can start looking in to other treatment options (which is understandable) but I keep going on binges in between these long waits between doctors visits. It's ruining everything in my life, my job, my relationship with my girlfriend and family, and after two experiments with suicide, I'm starting to feel like these psychologists aren't really helping me at all. Every time I visit I get the initial consultation where I have to repeat the whole scenario with the diagnosis and they just recommend me to another specialist in another city that I have to schedule 2+ weeks out. What steps have helped improved your lives to better cope with this? Thank you!",9.958770053475938,10.129660304812834,9.497652406417114,60.27589037433157,58.25133689839572,13.25540106951872,42.764171122994654,12.516099999999998,5.928324491978607,875,45,128,27,10,282,131,187,0.151,0.736,0.113,-0.8778,1,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,0,3,1,1,4,7,0,1,5,0,10,6,0,1,1,28,27,8,1,2,4,0,1,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,11,14,1,2,3,0,0,4,1,3,0,1,1,4,20,4,28,26,4,24,0,2,3,0,13,10,0,3,11,90,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003220440493152,0.0,0.1312724536172834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16706300006606592,0.2576048359034712,0.09396786263851248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045228969111258,0.0,0.0,0.10863690933163583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878937081710876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579695683280776,0.12467417492593988,0.0,0.0,0.42233606629718334,0.12572605659756644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349315078018388,0.0,0.11039550068301646,0.12015546347658487,0.11579719597495712,0.0,0.062108685970380835,0.08775281050277745,0.0,0.0,0.11226827630329196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835164837927854,0.11783380236938786,0.06980953320889664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469996193135584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189403637687088,0.10918072250506544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676146119998973,0.060010608420072366,0.0,0.1084648904082576,0.10870444310593157,0.10314983076980216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871733225707108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869076389145467,0.0,0.12128399994381793,0.13187801169786367,0.0,0.10489977566656647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957659826934248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26082813646330144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128413024996118,0.0,0.13436072926373732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308927121044103,0.0,0.0,0.08160561553493957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716256371529943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999121067156113,0.1278747829673592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245082132573027,0.0,0.09853022358640293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714004995932752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,silentseaswedrown,2019/03/21,"PTSD and ADHD I’m curious and just wondered—has anyone with PTSD been diagnosed with ADHD? Has anyone with PTSD wrongly been diagnosed with ADHD? I’m seriously wondering if I also have ADHD along with PTSD, because I look at all the diagnosis markers and I can see that I experience almost all of them. I know that PTSD can manifest like ADHD at times. My girlfriend says I think about diagnosis too much, but it’s something I’m seriously thinking about. Any advice would be appreciated. ",4.814333333333334,7.309896599999997,6.628611111111113,67.57625000000003,71.8888888888889,9.388888888888893,31.25,9.827888789773867,3.7123333333333335,394,18,62,11,8,136,55,90,0.04,0.8640000000000001,0.096,0.7013,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,2,20,17,6,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,8,1,11,13,3,3,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,3,2,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6361040733471964,0.10344326935971823,0.0,0.0,0.10600155416531112,0.0,0.0,0.08465465093128735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198710963258237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803683129160228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453008976582437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21488740164360046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354949353025047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058176820382841686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05171690016036295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889410789069549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781785299273321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6187120262199153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841825767460031,0.0,0.0,0.08435516693049204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149470499209223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565913872184482,0.0,0.0,0.061726685049318525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479854856185455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519852735960267,0.11573916881209527,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PlayfulBalance,2019/03/21,"Coping It's been six years since my dad died of heart attack He was a great dad I still miss him. Still I can't forget he is gone. It's been traumatic and uneventful since he left us. I never tell anything to my family. I'm single. I feel I wish I could turnback and change the events. Sometimes I feel I was not a good daughter. I couldn't get myself a job and he has to work to support us. He was 55 that time. For years I have been trying to forget it doesn't help. My regret is that the ambulance arrived late and it was night time. The feeling of helplessness and that night was traumatic event that still follows me around. Has someone faced this kinda situation. How do you cope ",1.0785000000000018,3.455218921428571,2.488214285714289,92.80803571428574,84.78571428571428,5.5,19.464285714285715,6.9077264865688965,0.28242857142857103,539,15,114,7,16,174,83,140,0.161,0.725,0.114,-0.8316,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,1,0,1,5,7,1,0,6,0,18,2,2,1,1,19,28,6,1,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,9,3,19,3,8,17,1,17,0,3,0,0,14,2,0,1,13,73,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226783850415018,0.13271091095673526,0.0,0.16959759910494102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770461981167394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902654889894045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547192930644858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053734857667846,0.0,0.2261347516155717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788703429645641,0.0,0.0,0.1250394446991674,0.0,0.16435887835361918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665799414846134,0.09992375406995628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479367832310844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816633113144294,0.0,0.16197354233284214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497804397424714,0.0,0.0,0.2797989650259343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466375097658949,0.16756977239297705,0.0,0.0,0.12631319577283245,0.0,0.14744182568888595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571613395032771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691718006221663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303006295603091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385701010884566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121408824023688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3586446451175742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143219368695367,0.0,0.0,0.10853046512474238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920025215927589 ptsd,AutoModerator,2019/03/21,"Survey thread - Surveys posted outside this thread will be removed If you have a survey you would like to share with us, you may do so here, please use the following format. Failure to do so will result in your survey being removed. Surveys not posted in here will result in a ban, the length of which will be decided at mods' pleasure. **Who I am**: (Student, Researcher) **Affiliation**: (university, company) **Target group**: (PTSD sufferers, military vets) **Compensation**: (raffle, payment) **Link**: (how to access survey) **Background**: (why are you doing this survey? Bachelor thesis, making a website) **Link to results**: (Optional, for when the survey is completed) ",2.4176064382139124,2.160151401869157,3.6551479750778846,74.15090472481829,142.45794392523362,5.30103842159917,25.402128764278288,6.286939319323684,2.5339181723779864,508,24,65,11,36,164,76,107,0.08800000000000001,0.8190000000000001,0.094,-0.0828,0,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,1,5,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,0,16,0,0,6,0,16,19,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,11,10,0,10,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,3,2,52,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087029252466586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384300697777092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19653346583243436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32319433400261804,0.0,0.0,0.5639626779886988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34417143343402384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541615142468789,0.2542918925615046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26567613644890403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091537246463906,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,1uckyY0u,2019/03/21,"School Advice? Some info-I’m a freshman in high school & I just started therapy again so I’m not officially diagnosed with PTSD but my previous therapist & psychologist used the terms “PTSD-like symptoms & behavior”. The problem is I have PE first period & we play games that require being chased, close contact, loud noises & stuff being thrown at you, which are huge triggers for me. I’ve stepped out of games before but the coach always makes a scene about it & used the sentence “scared of the ball” a lot, leading to bullying. I’m already a weird kid as it is (lesbian, theatre kid, fancy outfits, social problems) so this is really holding me back from improving. What can I do?",4.252005208333333,6.828182273437502,4.795000000000002,79.68333333333338,73.921875,7.7041666666666675,30.197916666666664,8.59863814320734,2.7287010416666666,553,25,93,11,12,176,97,128,0.113,0.804,0.083,-0.7149,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,1,0,3,6,5,0,1,9,0,9,3,0,5,0,19,15,5,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,7,4,0,2,0,5,0,2,1,4,0,1,0,1,8,1,11,13,3,14,0,0,0,1,8,6,0,2,6,55,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288960095131728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12748460630262287,0.0,0.0961259761656944,0.7510271232676348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883152166368585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830318605802328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725534764690065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982654258911297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205840577686344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643963360477445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821514373499196,0.0,0.0,0.07711377171344327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22108346581809732,0.2700848655541273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400821286504401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566058422808127,0.2338347445798273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776309310889865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176912295660571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322483780946308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007461086363265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321127979228136,0.13413331976096712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995528534390821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,madijeanne3,2019/03/21,"PTSD from boyfriend of 5 years almost dying... It’s kind of hard for me to find anyone to talk to besides my therapist about this, because I don’t know if it’s the same feelings as when someone goes through this and their loved one actually does pass. A brief summary of what happened: The day after Thanksgiving I ended up convincing my boyfriend to go to the urgent care for a pain in his side that he’d been feeling for a few weeks but had gotten to the point where he was having pain with every breath he took. We went to urgent care and when we got in the room and the nurse and doctor came in, they basically all panicked and called for him to go in an ambulance to the hospital. We went to the ER and he had a CT scan and was diagnosed with a double pulmonary embolism at age 24 and the doctors said if he hadn’t come in he could have died within the next few days. He ended up being in the hospital for a week and was on blood thinners (still is) and had 3 surgeries to remove the clots, put in a stent, and put in a filter. He recovered really well and is almost back to normal. He’s not able to workout because he’s still on blood thinners, but his lungs are okay now. I was at the hospital the whole time. Experiencing the trauma of watching my strong, able-bodied man become so sick and weak really scared me. I really thought he might die at some points, because of some possibility of internal bleeding and him possibly not being able to breathe on his own during the surgeries. This is the man I want to marry, and who I want my future to be with, and the idea of him being so fragile really shook me. Normally I am the fragile one. I feel so guilty for beings so emotional and distraught when he actually did live and is relatively fine now. I didn’t really allow myself to cry except for one night when I went home for a bit to see my family. Now I find myself crying hysterically when I just think about how much I love him... I feel like I should be happy now because he’s okay, but this is worse than when he was actually in the hospital. It’s almost like my love for him triggers my trauma, which makes me feel sick... Not to mention I ended up having some of my own physical and anxiety responses at the same time as all these feelings surfacing. It’s just so much to deal with all at once and I just feel so alone like no one else can understand what I’m going through.",5.250008567144999,5.33345782608696,6.223529663739559,80.10763975155281,68.04761904761905,9.477803955165275,29.07753266224031,9.314750747691287,2.283285200257013,1882,60,384,34,29,627,224,483,0.14300000000000002,0.737,0.11900000000000001,-0.9683,0,1,0,0,0,0,41.0,3,0,2,1,27,24,0,3,31,2,34,17,5,4,3,77,68,40,3,8,12,0,10,3,0,2,9,1,2,2,14,29,0,0,14,1,0,15,7,8,2,4,21,15,45,16,72,37,17,70,0,0,3,3,38,27,0,9,31,269,59,2,0.14629727584185984,0.0,0.21414755637885494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21974338373686644,0.07575992841113438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595850779288488,0.0,0.0,0.05114722842486046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562467873652402,0.0,0.17836292294195302,0.08078692358705948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985936727853417,0.08125164655014969,0.0,0.0,0.07469293782528137,0.08366255476205213,0.1491598229230975,0.0,0.0,0.06301107454583517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05840323522102254,0.0,0.16070068792144113,0.09434964004633964,0.07541303375056613,0.0,0.07424432772301205,0.2277502124441396,0.0,0.0,0.14974146097051164,0.06401286598457796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061106300754729725,0.08228237212354847,0.1943639445957984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163088232326752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689580257697924,0.0,0.25890304442430484,0.052257401546501284,0.0,0.0,0.13371305972083916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471616992446062,0.0,0.05850364800061219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468509893639178,0.07786808526022508,0.06552681172041458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337404801007287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257590852992075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617304997897216,0.040200578399195684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072101888232394,0.0,0.06459158742935274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19805850491141805,0.0,0.04882728382070303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759914525070892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754533092407037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777944062821131,0.06864504146416434,0.1433402684722305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790091207250711,0.1982696406274043,0.0,0.15567061622062073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829821312906262,0.16492819694207694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08550684328535317,0.14706916979979354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343044526503523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695811055323394,0.0,0.07323454744191095,0.0,0.058289993836903524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061978603534101735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683319346720453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879410433968558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493120655697484,0.0,0.046870693567186865,0.0,0.058071847727073925,0.08530711803491595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812708282175924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615031180095923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628992372324468,0.0,0.11735085016469625,0.0,0.06576941028917171,0.20342856059263711,0.0,0.08166784195025864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454471130439662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471053245487788 ptsd,hsarnocinski,2019/03/21,"Reality and tips? I woke up this morning unable to distinguish what real and what’s not real. My alarm startled me awake. I spent the next 15 mins trying to function and figure it out. I haven’t done something like this in months. I just tried to get into my routine. Fun start to the day! Now I know I’ll spend the rest of the day probably feeling ungrounded. I do things already to help me, however any tips for today? ",1.273571428571426,3.776315404761906,2.99790476190476,88.53042857142857,85.42857142857143,5.7409523809523835,22.685714285714287,7.1686216300943375,1.0037657142857148,330,12,65,5,10,109,62,84,0.02,0.8270000000000001,0.152,0.8746,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,13,9,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,10,2,11,6,1,12,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,9,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579636783756393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896709948305351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30151605421623623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23922107607207016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181977775750566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213170629435564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668665130386866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847022808123784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420496884384555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658768207136214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24860998315157354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520364372739157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321477572846219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996245358289004,0.0,0.0,0.16545890791994358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530198784875732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22158033009057568,0.0,0.0,0.3174199508163841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,smallestfrye,2019/03/21,"how do I cope with the need to control my environment?????? hi everybody, I’ve been lurking for quite a while but today my friend confronted me with something and I’m kinda concerned. I was diagnosed with ptsd due to a traumatic hospital stay I experienced and even though it’s already been a year i am just now understanding what that means for my daily life. recently my dissociation has been really bad - and I’ve realized it’s kicked up a lot of feelings about how I felt so out of control. because of this I have found that I often do small things to keep the environment around me in a particular order - and I like to do things in a certain way or I feel like I’m spiraling out of control. I did not think it was a big problem though until my friend strongly suggested that I might be too controlling for my own good and that apparently I have a “need to control literally everything” around me. ahaha now I’m crying alone in my house freaking out and feeling like such a douche bag for letting it affect my relationships and feel out of control of my ability to control my own control issues (if that makes sense ahah). am I alone in this? is it going to go away? why did her comment hurt me so bad? some coping skills or advice would be appreciated because I feel like I’m drowning teehee ¡",4.7542599912165135,6.008664928853757,6.075856389986825,76.53620004391746,69.67193675889328,9.258585858585857,31.446859903381643,9.586721724236666,2.9824011418533165,1029,44,194,23,18,347,137,253,0.156,0.7020000000000001,0.141,-0.7343,1,2,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,11,16,15,1,0,11,0,21,2,0,12,1,56,41,19,1,5,6,0,6,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,15,16,0,9,11,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,9,7,29,9,34,27,4,27,0,1,0,0,7,14,0,8,12,140,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985748250886725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692780345840075,0.09018190898160612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549924718557014,0.0,0.0,0.07678021099613519,0.0,0.13646838305052614,0.09963355850345272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.733262528538341,0.0,0.0,0.08976743107521698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294578769767767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053976400678098134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344617895303295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660469113756613,0.17514595931743748,0.07846563104909661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896036069758203,0.12627593864653486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288863109395014,0.06854427017746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429584965569483,0.08748475152266204,0.0,0.0,0.08529620476373452,0.0,0.07263798645520449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356595735912402,0.05772244127791161,0.15970034495360874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947685222401774,0.0,0.0,0.054549857771706664,0.0,0.0,0.08901886997651211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669379095868024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119118443894385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819661357551483,0.09552827384073947,0.0,0.0,0.0869210688565767,0.0,0.0,0.05235300253148616,0.0,0.08069030267447934,0.08773850371803765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291334389132873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710444032666351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085845094241898,0.05236395448782258,0.16058227662933108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774625997201224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507515374533547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064866867884372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374110762886929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058052738670018415,0.0,0.0,0.05262608429872248 ptsd,onlylostphysics,2019/03/21,"How do I forgive my parents? This is my first time talking about my PTSD or asking for support on the internet, so please be gentle. I am recently dealing with a bad flare-up of my PTSD. Specifically, I am dealing with something I previously felt resolved about - forgiving my parents for not catching the signs surrounding my abuse when I was young. I was sexually abused by a close family friend from 6 to 13 years of age. During this time multiple people came to my parents and said they thought something might be off. Nothing concrete, no evidence, just ""this seems weird"". My parents generally dismissed these warnings. At age 13 I got really sick of trying to explain my depression without citing the actual cause and came forward about the abuse. At that point my parents were truly and extremely supportive. They believed me immediately, apologized profusely for their lapse in judgment, and helped me seek legal action and therapy. At the time I felt accepting of the fact that they had done their best and failed. I suppose in some ways I felt like I needed the stability of a non-combative relationship with my parents more than I needed to vent my anger. Recently, (over a decade later) after the birth of my own daughter, and due to some events which have re-triggered my PTSD, I have been revisiting my feelings around my parents a lot. For the first time in my life I am living completely without my parents logistical or financial support. It feels like the lack of dependence has freed up some space to feel truly angry at their failure to protect me. In many ways I know that this is a feeling that will pass. Right now I am struggling with how to interact with my parents. We normally have a very close relationship and speak several times a week Etc. Recently I find that I am avoiding contact. I have the urge to explain my lack of interaction, but it somehow feels like it would be destructive to bring it up again after so many years. I spent a long time trying to get my mom to stop beating herself up over this, so turning around and saying ""nevermind I'm pissed at you after all"" seems like it would be a cruel thing to do. Of course I will be discussing this with my therapist, but I thought I'd try crowdsourcing some support since the number of people I feel I can talk to about this in person is fairly limited. Thanks in advance for any words of kindness or gentle advice. ",7.391474646429802,7.747189468609867,7.3713004484304925,72.76689548120044,63.506726457399104,10.538668506381512,36.88478785788203,10.302915286807345,3.911531148671955,1917,88,330,41,26,615,228,446,0.11900000000000001,0.753,0.129,-0.491,9,1,2,0,3,0,46.0,1,1,6,8,16,27,4,2,22,0,32,3,1,4,2,78,65,20,0,7,9,11,9,4,1,5,2,3,0,1,20,22,0,4,21,0,1,8,4,10,0,2,16,12,58,17,68,39,12,65,0,2,0,0,42,27,1,13,34,240,78,2,0.0,0.2114805334062229,0.058059908931216965,0.0,0.0,0.05813919849145462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404595956958858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592882904291137,0.05562110735685681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049677013103320684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703207455302658,0.06243780653018467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609607485347866,0.0,0.061119197090688984,0.0,0.0,0.062380848795090586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226763623873971,0.051244166543372716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088547914181761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663542188660421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608791569660871,0.0,0.1804990205542058,0.08500848740214209,0.1713776375738162,0.0,0.05437863640553445,0.10121522359168282,0.0,0.0,0.04596677500352229,0.0,0.031084416048272126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04758471026935674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039879186217224624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06195635037228262,0.032697668284997726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04202407044944348,0.11626775303592445,0.0,0.052536415739945184,0.052652446282817206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050581716015967663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206400329102228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311628368655019,0.0,0.06968147059307157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823166103098568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05829384472837936,0.057088405333380124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5945734525839015,0.0,0.0,0.08249463201941375,0.05194996606183471,0.0,0.06530918637955327,0.05624333376994995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20864434113945746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03811492060826894,0.0,0.17623656704953836,0.12775374636784495,0.0,0.050809604884145584,0.05659470580267505,0.04731392935714649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832658537336504,0.0,0.0672140027999039,0.0,0.04921604112882277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916064787755601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049741658747604375,0.0,0.06219856067919299,0.0,0.0,0.27006326183427465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564191349301816,0.0,0.054776296234443266,0.06803932441047635,0.06907991202186654,0.03952676786304408,0.0,0.0,0.0944669996944498,0.20815699367479526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118246087651552,0.06471500394074134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909076518629599,0.0,0.09445095409887752,0.04772442741426425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470482279060824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452907831483354,0.0,0.0,0.07662746845373476 ptsd,EstExecutorThrowaway,2019/03/21,"Death This is the only time I haven’t posted here triggered probably. I really want to die. I have no positive family memories and I estranged myself but I know I’ll feel super guilty when they’re dead. My grandparents are about to die. My dog who loved me died three months ago. I hadn’t seen him in five years. He was 10. Some girl lied and gave me genital herpes recently. I met a girl I like but she’s using me. I’m almost 30 and a loser. I make a lot of money but everyone at work considers me the babbling engineer. I pissed off a coworker unintentionally because he didn’t show up to a meeting and he went immediately to my boss and it was embarrassing. They all lost a lot of faith in me. I hurt a lot of people. I have ruined my body. I don’t want to deal with the consequences of my actions because I had no guidance or support my whole life. I don’t feel responsible, yet I bear the burden. I know others are less fortunate in life and society. I want to be dead. I really don’t enjoy anything in life. There is one single girl on the opposite side of the planet who likes me and that is it. Pretty sure having herpes is a dealbreaker. It would have been for me. “Fake it till you make it” didn’t work. I can’t even really fathom faking it anymore. I really really really just don’t want to be alive anymore.",0.8945839780978453,3.227536970479708,3.625258897750272,84.64164028091895,85.19926199261994,7.334412569932152,20.181049875014878,8.360895534625662,1.3686811331984283,1033,31,212,26,31,363,150,271,0.23600000000000002,0.596,0.16899999999999998,-0.9812,1,0,0,0,0,4,27.0,0,1,1,5,7,17,1,1,14,0,26,6,2,5,2,34,45,13,6,5,5,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,3,11,8,0,0,4,1,1,2,11,9,0,3,12,3,39,8,24,30,8,20,1,4,1,1,17,9,1,6,10,144,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015327960613652,0.0,0.11469526135310115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22718579767633096,0.0,0.0,0.09425665778331868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396450376432758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272281150580426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808570708743872,0.0,0.0,0.35662329889465194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565258751929796,0.0,0.0,0.10944787528024046,0.0,0.0,0.10797811502071587,0.0,0.11582972767226005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261743536111284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589637333234593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427089609020562,0.11191691342590153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503393675554353,0.2921334274281606,0.10337681889535964,0.0,0.15291267433153727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142473253187887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761526603245705,0.08711282880429587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940761173019019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969765498863407,0.11652835444113327,0.12349348901414965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402635288186287,0.0,0.11309442846041175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997863081126315,0.10795259129519663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678919313910392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892578138717796,0.0,0.0,0.270234630556923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061797243997896,0.0,0.12787981577427374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667729634175826,0.0,0.0,0.08136592729034202,0.0,0.0,0.07376000248609642 ptsd,mavka17,2019/03/21,"It's so hard for me to flirt with guys. I'm 17 and am scared Ill never allow myself to date (Sorry if this isn't written well, my mind always goes into tangent mode when I talk about my PTSD) At the age of 13 I was diagnosed with PTSD. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by my father almost my whole life. He kidnapped me twice and dragged me across almost the entire country (all the way to fucking Hawaii) hiding me from my mom. My mom found me and I am now living full-time with her, but my father has never had any punishment for the shit he put me through, which has been a fucking nightmare. I have to have visitation with him and get texts from him almost everyday, causing me major anxiety. Honestly, the verbal abuse has never stopped, as he still screams at me over the phone or in public for something stupid. But I digress. Because of all the moving around I did at a young age, my social skills were in the gutter when I was 13 and finally back with my mom. Even though I was in a safe environment now, I was still doing my ""chameleon"" defense mechanism. It's basically where I would stay quiet the first day of school, observe, and then the next day just copy what I'd observed the previous day. I know it sounds bad, but it's what I did to have temporary friends in the new schools I went to. But trying to use this tactic long-term went sour pretty quick, causing me to be friendless most of high school. It's only been this year where I've been able to be confident in myself around others enough to have my own personality. Yeah, for most of high school I was devoid of a personality, as I'd killed it to try and be likable. My inability to have a good social life has also led me to be completely inept when it comes to the opposite sex. I've had many boys that I've liked, but I always feel so horrible for even considering that they may like me back. This has led me to not be able to ask guys out or really flirt, as I don't feel I'm good enough, I guess. I feel like there's always someone prettier, nicer, and funnier than me and that they probably wouldn't want to be with me instead. I don't know how to shake this, and I want to SO BAD, as there's a guy I really like and am wanting to ask to go out with me. IDK what I'm looking for here, I guess advice, or just some kind words. It just feels nice to be able to talk in a community where there are other people who understand. Thanks! ",4.918717948717948,5.01720915789474,5.761149797570852,83.08692037786777,68.75708502024291,8.93484480431849,27.80269905533064,8.745826893841286,1.8101902294197028,1900,56,404,29,30,625,236,494,0.131,0.73,0.138,0.8324,0,0,1,0,2,0,56.0,0,0,2,2,33,27,7,2,20,1,42,8,1,7,5,77,71,35,1,6,13,5,5,4,1,3,4,3,0,6,23,25,0,3,8,0,0,10,8,12,1,2,18,10,57,15,68,43,10,61,0,0,1,3,30,21,3,13,32,277,80,4,0.21500496104842184,0.16983048064731426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003345318753679,0.0,0.0,0.21529641108771744,0.0,0.0,0.05731312989042334,0.1789013512806083,0.0,0.0,0.04873691544906589,0.0,0.054826068902528426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759999935461291,0.1340004100293172,0.0,0.0,0.11021702905468213,0.11968010780813967,0.04368834288373963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472462138926714,0.0,0.061735912034301475,0.0751428703395681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866041295959367,0.0,0.0,0.07274183654842431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061721410095846,0.0,0.14810506614126592,0.0,0.09467249934160077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495062464311062,0.051199862377671684,0.0,0.07850914182302554,0.0,0.060961036677484114,0.0,0.07858061408182712,0.05537076652104825,0.13251241463032015,0.03744373938176245,0.0,0.04073075805169661,0.12022397365742127,0.0,0.0,0.1579014696456518,0.2128887144697603,0.0,0.0,0.06420073794039327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144303062610107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792903779216307,0.07463152702570602,0.07877406915114495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124290829373672,0.14005408486424728,0.0,0.06328443989308198,0.0634242082387661,0.06018333896584245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266042804668874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222481034342612,0.0,0.07236457321139605,0.2518112118213605,0.0,0.07617208248987763,0.0,0.0,0.1658250805959525,0.0692177103870932,0.07622007175103296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054506987123976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049685789447233716,0.12515602590635572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729124470216692,0.07727057091339894,0.0,0.16755286252277632,0.07204645687412675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182512237619593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717524913093952,0.2901286655307266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356650093729775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611365438377613,0.06072433525961918,0.05517377440236153,0.0,0.08022681705942762,0.0,0.0763888937190904,0.11446882641766673,0.059917924907114124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152085622983645,0.0,0.06598256043528664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041376086342059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09731617017038126,0.0,0.0,0.07460924900287044,0.0,0.061898418020771076,0.0,0.0,0.1268154966128155,0.056886976807688235,0.0,0.0,0.06443842701343935,0.13287450195627776,0.0,0.08001512024691622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050911118511701145,0.0,0.0,0.046152048566879184 ptsd,Starfire911,2018/11/08,"I am so embarrassed I had a embarrassing moment at Walmart, I was in line to get a pretzel and I was right next to the trash can and someone out of nowhere came from behind me and went to throw something away and it scared me so bad that I jumped away and I tried to play it off as I was just stretching and I continued to put my arms up on the table where the cashier was. I know they saw me jump. I’m so tired of being scared of everything. I HATE it when people come from behind me without me seeing, and I hate being on guard 24/7, no one should have to live like that. I’m so embarrassed.... ",2.140000000000001,3.4104528412698443,3.4652698412698406,92.66028571428578,76.14285714285714,6.627301587301588,22.91746031746032,7.1686216300943375,0.5608469841269836,462,13,107,5,10,151,76,126,0.218,0.745,0.037000000000000005,-0.9762,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,7,10,2,5,5,0,11,2,1,0,0,15,22,13,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,10,0,1,1,1,0,7,2,8,0,1,8,2,18,2,24,11,0,23,0,0,2,0,1,12,0,0,5,79,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691219666524141,0.0,0.16401842767800148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246739771188359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692148746952392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654677987022788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263131229171313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3878858478883985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795778179513148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597021263609228,0.0,0.17345930778047552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891519158973604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331122054196657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618612503491173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19747553361514464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677579021650356,0.0,0.0,0.393339579052286,0.0,0.1565365147982521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644219617584885,0.15122840198378612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257778266785185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336924165024172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18210099646888825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936026449567012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SearingCicatrix,2018/11/08,"PTSD is keeping me from reaching out TW: mentions of suicide, self-harm My fear is so paralyzing right now that I can't reach out to anyone. I've been dealing with intense thoughts of suicide and urges to self-harm lately. I bough some rope the other day to do a suspension hanging. I know a part of me is scared to die, wants to reach out, but I can't. My PTSD won't let me reach out to anyone. It wants me to stay quiet, to isolate, to end the pain.",2.658766917293232,3.61979641052632,3.8628571428571448,91.54,74.36842105263158,6.270676691729324,26.203007518797,6.1826913282559595,0.7205639097744356,349,12,79,2,7,114,59,95,0.22899999999999998,0.7440000000000001,0.027000000000000003,-0.9458,0,0,0,0,0,2,14.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,4,0,9,1,0,0,0,13,14,3,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,1,10,0,18,10,2,11,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,50,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480987377558013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441493177679905,0.1829021733928112,0.0,0.0,0.18412382570581354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713281965446546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996358495428642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769037800196553,0.0,0.0,0.0975000314293256,0.0,0.2001264847424465,0.0,0.0,0.18141399627291346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887770099153185,0.0,0.0,0.19211800773146764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4147661670415745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150738058556812,0.0,0.0,0.1776186055432878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701551562748916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890957168702888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388116028179526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14084391827213116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20928231906282208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,12capaldi,2018/11/08,"""I Wanted to Blow My Brains Out"" A personal essay I wrote about my depression and anxiety. I was a cop and still suffer from depression from it. [https://www.ataboolife.com/journal/2018/11/8/a-lesson-in-suicide](https://www.ataboolife.com/journal/2018/11/8/a-lesson-in-suicide)",22.869885057471265,30.40753920689655,10.966206896551723,33.65781609195406,36.24137931034483,10.763218390804601,26.90804597701149,10.504223727775694,3.9457494252873575,243,5,21,5,3,56,22,29,0.375,0.625,0.0,-0.9118,0,0,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,5,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749138790799365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011711197194926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6190425317993632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31378438451711177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869900189283625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3930878945283617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196327950765445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JimmyJuicebox,2018/11/08,"I never thought I had PTSD, but after the symptoms I’m pretty sure that I do. Hi everyone, I feel like I should give a little background. About 7-8 months ago I left my abusive ex-girlfriend, she was my first serious partner and we were together for about a year and a half. She pretty much ruined my life, and I experienced all kinds of abuse while I was with her (and even when we were apart), including emotional, mental and physical. Fast forward to today, I have a new relationship with the sweetest girl in the world, a brand new start since I’m a freshman in college, and there’s a good chance that I will never have to speak with or maybe even see my ex for a good while. But there are some things that remind me of her that if I see or hear them my body tends to freeze and my heart starts to beat rapidly. Sometimes I’ll even sweat or feel like I’m having a panic attack. Usually it’s whenever I see somebody that physically resembles her or hear a cough (she got sick often and had a distinctive cough) that sounds like hers. The thought popped into my head that maybe this is a serious issue, and so I looked a little bit at some of the symptoms and it definitely seems possible that I have a mild case of PTSD. I’m not sure if this makes a difference, but my mom also had it for a while when my dad died, so I’m not sure if that has any effect on me or not. I was just wondering if anybody out there could confirm or deny that this is PTSD, even with the pretty limited information I’ve provided. Even though it’s not really serious, I would still like to know. Thanks in advance, and feel free to ask questions if you have any! -JimmyJuicebox",8.085675675675674,5.856123333333336,8.092624624624628,76.58308108108112,63.41441441441442,11.762882882882886,34.81261261261261,10.355215969177356,3.2061192792792785,1302,42,271,24,15,424,171,333,0.12,0.7140000000000001,0.166,0.9412,0,0,0,0,1,0,35.0,2,1,1,5,19,18,1,1,22,0,22,10,4,2,7,64,49,34,1,8,19,3,4,4,1,3,6,4,0,2,18,19,0,1,11,0,1,2,6,6,0,2,11,13,38,13,27,34,5,34,0,1,4,0,25,13,0,17,25,184,56,1,0.0,0.20591562458664933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770282567365957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949087639285863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818481990829635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123623633661994,0.09885699592542896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486816720862212,0.09652211197730576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937956151277627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018455806439253,0.0907880558362664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977465525078994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869706715602639,0.0,0.0,0.08303306284666805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181202055358093,0.12415735502913662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391388103624433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335877307739423,0.0,0.1457688545165657,0.06949884590844108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918059211886728,0.0,0.1958767125721304,0.10297244005749673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069707818632987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048904203049304,0.04775589042869037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944129981729121,0.0,0.06137737058981627,0.16981241677472192,0.17418568343049678,0.0,0.0,0.07297094011408524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800390215576383,0.0,0.17459786691379706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757095237458527,0.0,0.0,0.10177180359002984,0.06935973441806806,0.0,0.06387872070803226,0.0,0.13403944495278886,0.16784982309995605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195399229240644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796243257441388,0.0,0.2652140889794761,0.0,0.0,0.3047310960272322,0.0,0.09734365444975876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05566794416046693,0.0,0.0,0.09329402115496947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773511249926915,0.07910705583826241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188145182084328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594258431892719,0.0,0.12301118469376444,0.0,0.06939543419312387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456959792373333,0.1806368907957692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000236525311426,0.0,0.0,0.057729987918860075,0.0,0.08537509575679053,0.13797178585376876,0.0,0.0,0.08236745682639578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570391062465447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423524473175804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172858209423936,0.0,0.0,0.055958317201833765 ptsd,Cockwombles,2018/11/08,"Violent thoughts, urges and fantasies? I have been having these recently, is this normal? Anger at people who have wronged me in the past, and types of people I see as the enemy. It was sudden flashes, now it’s quite extensive fantasies. I have urges where I’ve been punching a pillow and imagining it’s someone, but I feel like I want to go out and find someone to fight. I’d quite like the idea that they hit me too. I don’t know how to control the feelings or stop them.",3.7990827067669137,5.0433392842105285,4.483909774436093,87.08736842105263,71.94736842105263,7.533834586466164,28.308270676691734,7.957251820313856,1.7079323308270682,372,14,76,5,7,119,67,95,0.16,0.759,0.08199999999999999,-0.7657,0,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,0,2,3,4,6,3,0,5,0,9,0,0,2,0,19,17,8,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,2,7,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,3,10,2,8,12,0,10,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,7,49,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23829288825116995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21485316011137096,0.15178206035599714,0.0,0.0,0.1941853507858952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074638660833972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398424177537177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676291656987747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20759526075640036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20816650500060652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281790395154084,0.2945871782657061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.451956492886669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20977943947569264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16930377517586193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36003474585403605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762676836068622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686701679732704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253149029905487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322925664026045,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anevolvingcreature,2018/11/08,"Repressed Memories? Hi, I am not sure if I am even in the right place but I have had a feeling that I am blocking something out that has happened or I perceived to have happened to me when I was younger. I am currently 22 and depressed/anxiety, but I am on medication and in therapy. I don't remember much from my childhood but I always say I had an amazing one, because on paper I did, I just don't remember much. I talked to my sister and she says the same, and that she has felt like something terrible happened. I'm not sure if its a suggestive thing (too much SVU haha) or if I should take this seriously. My therapist says I dissociate, and I often feel separated from my emotions, but I have been like this for as long as I can remember. I guess I am looking for thoughts, is this normal? Does this sound familiar? ",2.8650696864111502,4.6909180853658565,4.735888501742164,81.97304878048784,75.46341463414635,8.34425087108014,31.22648083623693,9.04235418022936,2.8319822299651567,642,32,128,15,14,219,93,164,0.102,0.812,0.086,0.1415,1,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,1,5,1,21,1,0,0,2,35,32,17,0,5,12,1,3,2,0,1,1,4,0,0,9,6,0,2,8,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,7,8,28,6,14,24,4,11,0,0,1,0,9,7,0,7,6,103,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325530066287608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412458385481968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297203525869193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911170070274847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310661584584412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990006755696155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764367729239127,0.0,0.1306879570255546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499416714168221,0.0,0.3610876669525501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329939716230942,0.0,0.0,0.12045399973731084,0.11429900502173157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711756742380465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30017185776587674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335993393132325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223237285822558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220708180159022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625618731849005,0.11623809652629635,0.0,0.32472292001844283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095698785028396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25656611541308183,0.0,0.10233857347381722,0.10940090951219053,0.0,0.0,0.15565485259021875,0.15803542460003156,0.09042613633216187,0.0,0.0,0.10805697322455883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tigerlia,2018/11/08,"Help. I’ve suffered from PTSD for around five years, I’m a teenager and I’ve noticed that flashbacks are starting to get worse. I’m talking to the point I nearly hurt a close friend during an episode as I thought they were a past abuser. Anyway I was just looking for some advice on what I should do? Stay safe guys.",2.375364583333333,4.485429140625001,2.5825,95.54583333333336,77.90625,4.266666666666667,24.729166666666664,3.1291,0.07549791666666694,251,9,52,0,6,76,51,64,0.195,0.675,0.129,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,11,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,5,2,9,7,1,9,0,2,1,0,5,5,0,1,3,31,7,0,0.0,0.2949573238593699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24326469375923526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22161248199169573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19233312007173745,0.0,0.13006269688735062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464931903881415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668615714392168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26649915097686755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090498305678199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834238092676246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376447263239305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353320603062033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29100161376406364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762034809882799,0.2653406335315233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000913445671773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19763332095472386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253694680491982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031144331722327 ptsd,_Giberish,2018/11/08,"Emotional abuse during marriage I’ve been divorced now for three years. I was married for five to a man who was emotionally abusive, and I caught him cheating on me three different times, with men and women, using the internet. Each time it happened it was like hell breaking loose inside of me. Once was bad enough, then two more times on top of it. The most damning part was he pretended to care about our family and about me and presented this image to the world as the greatest guy and everyone loved him but behind my back and everyone’s back he did these horrible things like he was two people. I once caught him on social media impersonating a high school girl trying to get pictures but he destroyed the evidence before I could call the police. Now I am in a relationship with a man who is actually a good man but it’s like I can’t shut this part of my brain off that associates social media, technology, things of this nature, where my boyfriend is concerned, as perceived threats. When I don’t manage myself manually through the use of CBT and DBT from therapy, my brain is on autopilot in hypervigilance....anything associated with social media (which is how I found him three times) it’s like at certain times usually when I’m ill or tired or stressed it’s like I feel this vein of anxiety open up in me and out it comes...all the feelings that I felt that night, the other night, the night after, of the horror and despair of seeing him doing awful things behind my back. And I have to scan and stalk and research deeply into my boyfriend’s social media to try to quiet this desperation that’s roaring inside of me to find anything. It’s like I wish I could say I did it to self-sooth but the truth is really I do it to self-protect. If I go searching for it and find it, then it won’t hurt as bad. If I mistrust ahead of time and I make a discovery then I beat the terror and despair. The vein of anxiety only gets worse. And suddenly I see things that aren’t even there. A liked photo of a female must represent....so much. And I’ve come unglued over absolutely nothing in the past, but I will seize upon something in these moments, anything, and the vein of anxiety erupts like a volcano and I can’t breathe I’m shaking I’m numb. And he is there just reminding me, gently... this isn’t happening right now. This is your past, this isn’t our present. I’ve never lied to you. I’ve always kept my promises to you. I love you. And it is true. I’m so ashamed of what my brain does when a trigger happens. The feelings emotional and physical all come back. It’s like I’m in a nightmare but I’m awake. I’m fighting ghosts of the past and metaphorically swinging at the man who loves me, trying to hit my ex husband (metaphorically). I’ve been working on this, been using my skills, and I’m not as reactive as I used to be. I can know what is and isn’t real like I can step out of the experience. I can quietly articulate what I’m feeling. I can peacefully communicate my way through it with my boyfriend. But the behavior of feeling the trigger, feeling the vein open, and feeling like I did the nights I first saw something suspicious and then going right into the compulsive activities of searching, searching, searching, searching, like I did after all the times, until in the past I found what would destroy me three times over and over and in the present where I’m finding nothing but yet making something out of it anyway, as if I’m on autopilot as if I’m awake in a nightmare as if I’m reliving it all over again, and yet as if my brain is doing all this so I can “conquer” this thing. ",3.9893622555139374,5.458104463483147,5.014862671660428,82.59276737411571,71.78089887640449,8.026883062838117,29.19642114024136,8.570944101241986,2.17057419891802,2846,114,559,49,54,933,286,712,0.133,0.745,0.122,-0.9304,2,0,3,0,4,0,81.0,2,4,0,7,25,38,7,4,40,1,47,15,9,9,9,102,98,66,1,11,18,2,8,12,0,4,3,3,0,8,50,44,0,1,15,1,0,8,10,17,0,8,20,15,66,21,89,70,12,95,1,3,4,3,42,39,2,9,58,387,116,4,0.0,0.13548826135741251,0.05579546251108156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04757495620949685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121829587395833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411527625267589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585905170473834,0.09547903099718967,0.0,0.0,0.048652507454416176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25530900008693586,0.05838301985898173,0.0,0.058294673883705926,0.0,0.0,0.0985040065006016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130065950046584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597366803124708,0.0,0.0,0.050035043938826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929456855869155,0.0,0.059078022488132334,0.0,0.03776416425739275,0.0,0.0,0.10926810768108387,0.0,0.05592903330505684,0.05390038074779392,0.0,0.2023690863456552,0.04084649768904272,0.05489786170014901,0.0,0.15677329975990048,0.04863381907945154,0.0,0.12538091793374356,0.0,0.0,0.0597441298902112,0.0,0.06498880025728854,0.04795645958910785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661316248253932,0.15168146517214592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040951199107467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612080184120089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03142239728892271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33519927133104643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481053446487586,0.0,0.07633075800639799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04203088922387765,0.0,0.04409760402208796,0.0,0.0,0.21462295824526748,0.0,0.1097236987873889,0.0,0.0,0.12178100444249967,0.0,0.04348487320479811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238319265501032,0.218323589115142,0.03963859255840027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650787287278454,0.03662836651071792,0.0,0.0,0.061385554139965035,0.0,0.09765586810942972,0.0,0.045468596494460535,0.0,0.05786509629024896,0.0911236314126607,0.0,0.1192939346634359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331346518902851,0.0,0.1320504788859342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549483764053905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538566188454539,0.0,0.18992574524181852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26671796886581944,0.0657153236288695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645611536949595,0.0,0.1117051563663874,0.0,0.0,0.19752659255142327,0.06297121202759058,0.0,0.0,0.04538359399429173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574950079632948,0.0,0.0,0.04162475991047362,0.0,0.05826716001781864,0.04061614207661758,0.0,0.0,0.03681942602161629 ptsd,heroincats,2018/11/08,"Thank you I just wanted to say thank you to everyone that posts on here. I just found this subreddit yesterday and reading all of your guys' posts have made me feel so much less alone. Knowing that other people understand what I'm going through for some reason has helped me tremendously. Particularly a post that someone made about feeling like their trauma isnt real and like convincing yourself that it didnt happen. I have felt like I'm crazy for years because I was in such deep denial about what happened to me. last night I had a big revelation and was able to actually admit to myself and out loud to my boyfriend that I was raped and I was assaulted. that might not sound like progress to some, but that is the most progress I have ever made. just admitting it to myself. I allowed myself to be scared, and sad, and hurt. I've been blocking my emotions for so many years and last night I actually allowed myself to feel them. So yeah, thank you again to everyone on here that posts because you are all so brave for sharing your stories and struggles. it gave me the courage to finally do the same. I was so ready. I hope that everyone who feels the way that I did/do is able to one day do the same. bc even though it's so hard and so painful it is 100% worth it.",4.419752102700311,5.643654430278888,4.704110225763613,86.17302235502437,70.43426294820716,7.96821602478973,28.28707392651616,8.344100000000001,1.7893796370075252,1006,36,206,15,18,316,133,251,0.142,0.6940000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.6515,2,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,6,2,2,19,20,2,2,7,1,21,2,0,6,3,45,45,19,0,2,5,0,6,4,0,1,1,3,0,1,21,11,0,1,11,1,1,1,3,8,0,1,14,9,31,12,25,29,9,23,0,2,0,1,16,6,0,5,15,144,52,1,0.2060912176466428,0.0,0.20111529940757025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672417381134662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563129340786947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645589294051954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591244036646788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806065278152115,0.09321065265313504,0.0,0.2953934854597081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20841182398074307,0.07361580353286701,0.09893994417976223,0.11288142763638155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298419134545512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856319418128076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020313535426289,0.18224578313822776,0.0,0.09230862528541027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906929948606165,0.0,0.0,0.102347540400842,0.0,0.0,0.11031245548533963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566311717338143,0.16799184901041508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013715177452937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925127398216415,0.0,0.10447207369900552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931510679901113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575037906485411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340264675941435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982637137999999,0.0,0.10964779304363258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714388505059354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947568352621924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030734944285148,0.11728846239571175,0.0,0.10594804809228876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194600408419636,0.10316663088394784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731020996036043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772564394249412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846116559710452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124178747778056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727411288365714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06077896990365909,0.08179280790566801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132715987198449 ptsd,TheJenniferLopez,2018/11/08,"PTSD sudden worsening. So I was wondering if it's possible for those with PTSD to get worse around the date of the incident that happened, without being completely consciously aware of it. As in only subconsciously knowing it happened around this time due to a change in daylight savings and change in temperature and weather. I've been getting a ton of nightmares, derealization symptoms, feeling like everything is very dream like. Sharp but also vague at the same time. Along with feeling hopeless and feeling a lack of meaning.",8.616410256410255,10.290752637362644,7.700824175824177,66.86500915750915,61.0879120879121,10.462271062271064,42.63919413919414,10.504223727775694,5.122515018315019,434,25,62,10,6,134,67,91,0.131,0.767,0.10300000000000001,-0.6911,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,4,1,0,0,0,21,14,8,0,2,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,1,3,18,11,3,11,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,2,7,45,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869116388894562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087772811667197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669299184356818,0.0,0.18183707930932985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586686452251966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630728448692938,0.1238977616069726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121906115194453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30672550606684645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531208080703793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945736582839538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889150987071716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190062205217604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955152171966861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40545860190565663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025920758368927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225576972599246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309714495642953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16717943376701822,0.18807642743372108,0.0,0.0,0.1767390378573289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,swappydappy69,2018/11/08,"I am 21 and my heightened response to everything that reminds me of trauma is making surviving difficult I am 21. I guess I was hit by PTSD some 6 months ago when I started having nightmares and every activity even slightly related to my childhood trauma which actually continued almost till I was turned 20 (domestic violence, neglect, and abuse) would trigger anxiety and a tendency to isolate myself from everyone else. People who remind me of trauma and even the people who spend time with them scare me. Their very sight scare me. It goes away for a while, and then, comes flooding back. Nightmares aren't something that I experience everyday but they are quite consistent, I'd say. I have not yet been diagnosed. There's very little awareness regarding PTSD and mental health in general where I live. I don't know what I should do. Do you guys have some suggestion? (I have most of the symptoms of PTSD listen on the Internet at a level that cannot be considered mild at all and my ACE score is 5)",6.08320099255583,7.5473979569892515,6.548064516129035,73.59978908188587,66.74193548387098,10.239205955334988,33.66253101736973,10.389873798559362,3.8388590570719607,804,36,135,21,13,261,128,186,0.10800000000000001,0.883,0.009000000000000001,-0.9072,0,0,1,0,2,0,19.0,0,1,3,3,7,7,0,2,6,0,20,3,0,2,1,25,28,13,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,8,10,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,7,0,0,3,3,24,0,17,21,4,22,0,1,1,0,10,8,0,5,13,98,32,0,0.0,0.17060240786115602,0.14051165992907774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763680365673968,0.0,0.14418332914653875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015053755582616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528160294078026,0.11071799639477216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403303817326755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614493723509445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028361980440976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020562486014755,0.0,0.12131622313936975,0.1375868439528479,0.12940726119054072,0.14084803591979175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861917615546384,0.14257090229651345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305266597916367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913211941097495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431394930732472,0.12714417087855215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611320552270317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510618476658813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492996438794675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964650123751604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049433119684268,0.0,0.0,0.15314911709262588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450515293807627,0.2883145061066064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084910939371999,0.0,0.0,0.1019155508220246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965881574150816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396064583837137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15661775558075744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23761060017117225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228504767690236,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PsychiatricSD,2018/11/08,"Body Dysphoria or something else? TW: talk of amputation, death, loss of limbs, murder. &#x200B; Does anybody else get the feeling one day they will lose a limb? The feeling started when I was young(maybe 8), I would obsessively practice writing with my feet and my non-dominant hand because there was this sure feeling that something bad will happen one of my limbs. It comes in waves, and some days its a very strong feeling. I also feel one day I'll definitely be murdered, but I figure that's a sense of impending doom caused by anxiety. Is this another way my anxiety manifests? As I get older (and asked a few other people who looked at me very worriedly) I realize how weird this is. Is this a (c)-PTSD thing? ",5.370300751879697,7.129740503759401,5.6556466165413575,78.20316917293236,68.77443609022556,8.929022556390981,33.60075187969925,9.3871,3.2689855639097747,569,27,100,12,10,181,94,133,0.175,0.73,0.095,-0.8968,0,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,3,4,10,2,1,7,0,9,4,3,2,1,20,21,9,3,1,2,0,6,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,8,0,3,2,7,12,2,9,15,2,10,1,3,1,0,5,2,0,2,6,62,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161196089443936,0.0,0.1573285039617521,0.17643878771737115,0.0,0.15225908421046114,0.22216136836678888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574616532670553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123929842667852,0.08851502789653272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612889414997152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916453532069734,0.0,0.12508041310873205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809337574081179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706902364917902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24259866688635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670975979235441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172622338856284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840344265288942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193481317531812,0.16244616587884758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587696314216372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951820223906348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066619030817063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697357386593323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22357030997390853,0.0,0.0,0.10277615856845364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685307822261086,0.0,0.0,0.11670949769022533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646710430883997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396170606327172,0.0,0.11525619894720344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746173907645754,0.0,0.103148775573819,0.0,0.17643878771737115,0.0 ptsd,Vintergatan27,2018/11/08,"Anyone else having a trauma anniversary today or around today? November 8 is the anniversary of when I was kidnapped and raped. The anniversaries are always hard on me, and this year is feeling extra hard. On Facebook a lot of my friends are celebrating their own or their kids’ birthdays today, their wedding anniversaries, sharing memories of the awesome vacations they were on on this day last year, etc. I feel weird and alone in my trauma. It’s not that I want anyone to have to join me in misery, but I guess I’m wondering if anyone else out there happens to be dealing with this at the same time as me. ",8.017246376811592,7.4531443043478305,7.789347826086956,73.35474637681159,62.47826086956522,10.797101449275363,35.68840579710145,10.125756701596842,3.569927536231884,485,19,85,9,6,155,77,115,0.13,0.7709999999999999,0.099,-0.1558,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,4,0,3,6,1,0,6,0,9,1,0,0,0,18,16,9,0,2,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,13,2,17,13,5,18,0,0,0,1,9,9,0,6,9,65,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17144806650511524,0.0,0.0,0.1377413768110652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34724531574064993,0.3392277177471861,0.0,0.1473644508528135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067587027908354,0.17066302855586302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765725188868776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18461929794391585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740258079423007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789471227185614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18235943166830795,0.0,0.14638523790772945,0.0,0.2965801422816204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493605372090867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073499860678096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096526889299835,0.0,0.4707337126560436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763895565567796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951955106544648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21320286292132046 ptsd,mrockwell20,2018/11/08,"Old thoughts and behaviors creep back up when you last expect it I just had a major surgery that’s had he trapped at home for the past month. My social life, therapy, structure, work, independence, is non existent. I disassociated yesterday for the first time in a long time. I was looking at pictures of the wedding I had in September and thinking about other memories and just felt like it wasn’t me. And then I came back down and then today, I have been crying inconsolably. All this isolation and helplessness and lack of purpose just really brought the PTSD right back in front. I’ve had ptsd since I was about 10. I’m now 31 and I still see it poke its head out when I become vulnerable. This is my first time submitting something like this. I guess my goal right now is to be kind to my healing body while navigating the depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts. I used to be a mental health therapist, so on the logical side I have a lot of tools that could get me through this. But the emotions, flashbacks, dissociation, and everything else comes flooding in when I can’t work to keep it at bay. Thanks for listening, very few people in my life understand.",5.329092465753426,6.8994039726027445,5.6431021689497705,78.98328339041096,68.63470319634703,9.858561643835618,31.95234018264841,10.125756701596842,3.2900340182648407,926,40,175,24,16,295,135,219,0.102,0.846,0.052000000000000005,-0.8757,0,2,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,5,15,6,0,0,11,0,17,6,2,2,1,31,34,17,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,1,0,12,12,0,1,6,0,0,4,2,2,0,2,13,4,21,4,25,18,5,43,0,2,2,0,5,15,0,2,26,118,33,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599174582754946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28945878987860724,0.0,0.0,0.1385826416933996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393798317957213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435155262132182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080897845688025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018545404378726,0.0,0.13783372893325016,0.0,0.0,0.10807561547601746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048223178541518,0.14114794805117714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277320292827435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048033892754972,0.0,0.0,0.21346620158131044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555804538817456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823020730310753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877853244542636,0.13337921844870396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258665258371468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115322608144443,0.0,0.1306679599026126,0.0,0.1022828296176688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17726026531378916,0.12260623810454213,0.0,0.0,0.11104572329256372,0.1053714755171144,0.0,0.0,0.10667848574787338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645418093452612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015682332830853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167000012151076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197847201961238,0.08699193225651905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933584718714521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038560838084205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21431822157940714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999119871800648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379823295181316,0.0,0.0,0.12791091039626787,0.0,0.09660052297737863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020837450700212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552499198174065,0.14349715017827033,0.14569178332666055,0.0,0.08040242460208047,0.0,0.19923397769596074,0.21950493806938906,0.0,0.11894023082092975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306289546201187,0.0,0.10837430676163703,0.0,0.10353402191070936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18270165818783185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PoorlyThrownSubDesub,2018/11/08,"I want some advice for moving forward. During a highly emotional situation where nobody was physically harmed, I was confronting my partner about cheating on me. They ran to the kitchen and grabbed a knife, then turned and came toward me with the knife facing me before pointing the knife at themselves. Cops were called, the situation de-escalated. Now eight months later I'm trying dating. I've been lucky to find someone I get along with really well! However today I was sitting at work and for whatever reason I started thinking about the knife incident. This new person I'm dating has never done anything wrong, but I had a thought of what they would look like holding a knife. It was a pretty stupid thing to think about, it caused the worst panic attack I've had in months and had to go for a walk around the block to clear my head. I don't want the event from my previous relationship to have an impact on the potential of this new one. Does anyone have any advice for breaking free from this sort of thing? I don't want to feel spontaneously scared like this any more. I've gone to therapy for this but in terms of letting go of the past and not feeling as vulnerable I'm really struggling.",6.585751879699246,7.19127820175439,6.546516290726818,77.13394736842106,65.2280701754386,9.321303258145363,30.75939849624061,9.23628265651192,2.5875766917293244,962,33,174,16,14,305,136,228,0.152,0.722,0.126,-0.9129999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,1,7,15,4,3,17,0,17,3,2,2,2,32,37,9,0,4,3,0,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,10,10,1,2,7,0,1,8,4,10,1,2,14,4,16,6,35,21,4,36,0,0,1,0,6,12,0,3,18,113,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24401465956781665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981201540702665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08730185447228654,0.0,0.10274542145390253,0.11114784787204572,0.0,0.1420411329323597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624281722248567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749140449926638,0.1428014069490864,0.0,0.12826097072300405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926187171118164,0.12777050467592632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044560962511535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626136409308708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411564653930426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523183494693653,0.0,0.1419164928696189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813774302526793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191666939223162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767318725694313,0.0,0.12199616141915895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484715732979183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993169054835857,0.1327016156662036,0.0,0.0,0.09629624307560697,0.2411724007231455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460530436050419,0.0,0.0,0.14649100386496128,0.0,0.0,0.11918868310872463,0.0,0.10901898901307903,0.0,0.0,0.11802878521666088,0.0,0.0,0.12702290925599613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599712348639983,0.12837222782876656,0.0,0.13404805938735484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500211643940934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806855809460887,0.0,0.0,0.10578964281669102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837335119122085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052605646061885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14278312235149654,0.0,0.16589686569783835,0.16000469995472086,0.0,0.09912130442519912,0.0,0.0,0.11834839583031476,0.0,0.0,0.08476867501799575,0.13580690880913118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209289905428135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122600708311799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089627627603156,0.0,0.0,0.08869375053221237,0.13650986695971154,0.0,0.0 ptsd,miniscule100,2018/11/08,How did you bring it up to your psychiatrist? I have another mental health diagnosis but was also diagnosed with PTSD in 2004. Those records are so old that any services I access now knows only about my other diagnosis. The nightmares are getting so bad right now I feel like I'm just living it when I'm awake too somehow like it's always looming there. I have never been able to discuss what led to the original ptsd diagnosis and I don't plan to. I am unbearably ashamed of what happened. I have no idea how to talk to a male dr from a completely different cultural background and viewpoint than me and who I've only seen 3 times. Perhaps there is nothing he can do regardless?,4.016590909090908,6.010246871212125,5.18090909090909,79.29136363636366,72.71212121212122,8.436363636363637,30.93939393939393,9.095868883498916,2.8696575757575764,545,25,100,12,11,180,97,132,0.114,0.816,0.07,-0.7812,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,14,4,0,1,4,0,13,3,0,4,1,16,21,10,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,4,2,11,2,13,17,0,12,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,1,9,69,20,1,0.1917383913914554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333312232257407,0.15954170147997762,0.0,0.0,0.13038868113579086,0.20105442135225984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009354789390642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20103405539838706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19461043120089574,0.0,0.2003258095677366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694869178157282,0.13697794512119785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017539579177147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16955362628170226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20380894395771892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644930540374013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537440551661173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873473859072398,0.0,0.16930851240882824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322720117164188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788046773797808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18397815775311385,0.0,0.20119718789624227,0.0,0.0,0.2916513734320451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482638378644048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637435386075312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541120560792718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180419793965632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dweaver2130,2018/11/08,"Triggered tonight reading a news article. Possible Trigger. I have been doing so good lately, meds working, therapy coming along, coping skills managing. I read a news article about an abused child. I instantly fell back to one of my traumatic events. I was in the nursery on a medical incident from years ago, caring for an infant with a tracheotomy, blue, lethal heart rhythm, not doing well, I know it, mom knows it, dad knows it. This is the 5th time we’ve been there, he had coded (cardiac arrest) on us on two other occasions. I almost have the tracheotomy cleared and his 7 year old sister comes up beside be and tugs on my pants. She looks up, I can see her blonde hair and blue eyes through her glasses, and tearfully asks me, “please save my baby brother, I love him so much”. I can smell the scent of lavender they used for aromatherapy....I just can’t get it out of my head tonight. It’s been so many years since this, but the pain and memory is so fresh. Damnit....just a crappy night.",4.0903859649122785,5.816014284210532,4.565789473684212,84.88885964912281,71.94736842105263,8.224561403508767,26.87719298245614,8.841846274778883,2.0148140350877197,774,27,151,15,15,245,135,190,0.083,0.833,0.084,-0.3909,0,0,0,0,1,0,38.0,1,0,1,2,9,6,0,0,12,0,15,7,4,3,1,24,27,10,1,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,8,10,0,0,3,2,0,3,2,1,1,2,5,9,21,5,19,21,1,24,0,0,6,1,16,8,0,1,13,93,29,4,0.0,0.17855111984224722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358366104975022,0.0,0.15090112270073894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408812080073051,0.0,0.0,0.11587657226423925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364547745308926,0.0,0.0,0.2596239776556581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873288201520105,0.0,0.0,0.1263973642811266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546584395718637,0.0,0.0,0.17857648754981145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484571357483817,0.0,0.16999260566920205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654739628880232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600978670352845,0.0,0.0,0.15278294857912447,0.0,0.0,0.1673902232303368,0.1518112177760224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17649432417614827,0.0,0.0,0.1107795208780752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141878106125624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581309894632457,0.0,0.10211608260743216,0.0,0.16035206857925385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541988299683585,0.0,0.1698880507367414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30147525250649554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008587511432113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246579878944285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233497624292016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787254251018599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14720892099100372,0.0,0.18126975037943072,0.1301536898670609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354945621100374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970909834873503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29113148322566595 ptsd,The_Cynical_Old_Man,2018/11/08,"Nightmares I haven't slept much the past week. 1-3 hours a night if I even sleep that night. I've gotten pretty violent in my sleep. That isn't unusual but it died down a lot, haven't had this issue in a while. Waking up covered in sweat and shaking. I started hitting my gf last night when she tried to cover me up. She ended up sleeping downstairs. She is very understanding and loving. I am afraid I might hurt her though. Luckily I was still pretty much asleep but it's like I'll transition from hitting in my sleep to attacking whatever or whoever is closest and I'm blind as to what I'm doing. I don't know what to do. ",1.531771019677997,3.688590596899228,3.281550387596902,89.20958855098392,81.01550387596897,6.449850924269531,23.10137149672033,7.61054688173877,1.0824330351818725,493,17,103,8,13,164,84,129,0.155,0.703,0.142,-0.179,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,2,4,0,12,10,8,0,0,11,22,11,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,1,15,2,14,15,3,22,0,1,1,1,6,9,0,4,13,67,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629643557416424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170773104670038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946865214954442,0.0,0.0,0.09654794655260307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439540301503224,0.0,0.1564845563628892,0.0,0.0,0.15256988823284942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033457097919694,0.11915304509049715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714142670468472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427370722941505,0.13192965254415573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506975994635971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149125302329932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4115291502360443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395416436955494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974273241764653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5851267339310225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034642078632406,0.0,0.11673643573129755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436172926179844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924398808160936,0.0,0.0,0.15217449280741027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206106051938578,0.0,0.0,0.11725366372108605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ltmustbebunnies,2018/11/08,"I am so bitter and angry and afraid. I don’t remember how to feel any other way. I don’t know how to overcome it. It drives other people away. I try to talk about my feelings and how they have resulted from the things I’ve been through, but I am inevitably met with “you need to get over it”. Hearing that only makes it worse - makes me even more bitter. I’m no longer a kind person - I don’t go out of my way to help others anymore. I’m selfish. I tell myself this is because I have no received kindness from others, but those people will tell me that it’s my own bitterness. I’m rotten now. I apologize if this sub is not the right place for this. I thought I had been doing okay for a while, but I’ve been reliving past trauma throughout the last year and I feel so unsupported. I don’t know how to “get over it”. In trying to talk to others about it, I’ve only managed to alienate myself. I see a therapist, but it’s not enough. I want to talk to someone who understands. Thanks for listening.",1.6878487480838018,3.5625278155339863,3.3597802759325504,90.28560296372,79.09708737864078,6.084414920797138,22.492590700051107,7.0608816371341465,0.6750815533980581,774,24,165,9,19,257,111,206,0.187,0.722,0.091,-0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,1,0,10,11,3,1,6,1,16,0,0,7,0,30,38,16,0,3,7,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,21,6,0,0,8,0,0,3,8,7,0,0,6,10,24,4,26,31,3,17,0,0,1,0,15,7,0,1,5,118,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822091174364607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324094082682026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570165648496005,0.0,0.0,0.08804637780358716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492402062811195,0.0,0.0953981095920996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21909238170504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092289642383036,0.0,0.08208587176651477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278900550096956,0.0,0.0968118925184601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008141390050119,0.15875565415846968,0.11773399289836232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282327997280907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709689558268347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196990073083795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787977365916154,0.2002664097735246,0.12611527485341978,0.15090407764026484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361696370346773,0.12334690031424775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509618108698567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237950471978315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34827470897638324,0.25248552081517794,0.13297655761385074,0.0,0.16770043855501365,0.09595635129350596,0.0,0.0,0.11466544190676516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612408527421207,0.0,0.0,0.150362171960374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519164296552909,0.2292919310509168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471918424862829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930115549436724 ptsd,emilyynicolee,2018/11/08,"Anyone experiencing PTSD r/t spouse sexually assault? In February of 2016, my husband sexually assaulted me. He apologized the next morning and I don’t believe he actually meant to hurt me. However, I had already survived two other sexual traumas before I met him and got into several scary men vs me freezing sexual acts.. I felt twisted. I shouldn’t have to feel this way with my husband. Scared and betrayed. We continued to have sex off and on that year.. but February of 2017 must have been too much of a trigger from my brain and we haven’t had sex since then. I can’t see me getting passed this PTSD. I don’t like him touching me with it being my idea and half the time, I don’t want it at all. Not just sexual touches, but normal arm on the back kind of stuff. We’ve been married 3 1/2 years. I guess I’m just looking for hope or clarity. I have already been in counseling and I’m currently taking Viibryd. Thank you. ",2.441857923497268,4.744115071038255,4.366256830601095,81.8666530054645,78.61748633879782,7.782513661202185,28.19945355191257,8.680891452615391,2.4596207650273216,730,33,140,17,18,248,118,183,0.092,0.8029999999999999,0.105,0.6705,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,1,0,1,4,9,2,1,4,0,17,4,2,1,2,31,32,11,0,5,7,3,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,12,0,0,4,0,0,2,7,5,0,2,9,8,24,4,18,20,2,18,0,1,2,2,13,7,0,3,9,90,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.15993013867557598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617069126394286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459364944217952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126019040172434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394558251498298,0.18464460548289016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295217008424614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828662265105012,0.0,0.15735728748468852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562422953744132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107546071474374,0.0,0.18054008366247512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277683873507084,0.0,0.0,0.17544449731455478,0.18500855287493592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066316308918886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006694382074389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376238622270417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047585304804065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429575749449375,0.0,0.1605745314273057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831504277399516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16407954673328726,0.0,0.13059677572844264,0.0,0.0,0.1851457397472681,0.0,0.13556907731495635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876114847491065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322268014139565,0.0,0.0,0.15088519452015134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556386807329198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009385301631882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666483966047756,0.1300859273218061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107579880434466 ptsd,nememess,2018/11/08,I had a meltdown over shoes this morning. Shoes. Just venting. I've been doing well for two weeks. Not missing one day at work until this morning. I lost my shoes for five minutes and it all fell apart and the day went to shit. It's so damn frustrating. I hope tomorrow is better.,0.4894642857142877,2.9668590178571432,1.6792857142857152,95.4907142857143,92.75,4.228571428571429,21.285714285714285,5.985473137389443,0.2116500000000001,219,8,45,2,8,69,45,56,0.188,0.655,0.157,-0.4624,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,3,8,3,0,2,0,4,4,4,0,1,6,8,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,3,4,0,4,3,6,4,1,10,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,5,30,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806295084960046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092695230015449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151543616886241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346374682539184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21501333021888305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257078870406329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099597980259818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545220440011328,0.0,0.28529430704687136,0.29414388833473704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310010136400948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,InsidiousStealth,2018/11/08,"Had my first flashback, looking for suggestions on types of therapy to seek out. I will share a little bit about myself. In my mid 30s I was on anti depressants after I got sober (been sober off everything for over 13 years) for 9 years and got off them not this August but the one before. My biggest struggle lately is while being on meds in my career I was delusioned into thinking my career was for me. I have been working a job out of town for my 5th year in a row and realize being in my 30s and off meds I do not want to do this anymore and making steps at my age to do it. I did some EMDR 9 months ago with a horrible therapist who started doing it and asked in one session what my earliest memories of feeling this way were (unbeknownst to me that early childhood experiences may have damaged me) she said these experiences may be the root of some of my troubles. We did one more session and her kid interrupted the session (it was in her home). Anyways, after that I went unhinged and she never warned me of any of this stuff and how becoming unhinged could be related to that so I never went back. Afterwards, in August I went to work out of town again (which triggers abandonment and causes isolation). I was in some 12 step meeting online and I was talking online about someone elses troubles. Before this happened I was immensely depressed for 5 days and wanted to die at least 4-6 hours a day In the message i dont remember all that it said but i remembered reading ""When my parents tried to kill me"" then that triggered some sort of flashback to a wave pool where I was 3 or 4 and I remember the depression back then being so angry that I just wanted to die and it felt like my feeling I had at work for 5 days binded to that feeling then and lifted some of it away. The flashback involved immense tears afterwars This is hard to descibe but I had these flashing anger bands of visualization across my vision or memory similar to when I first did EMDR. So I dunno what to do. I still struggle with my reality and my situation and when I do even with upgrading trying to go to school for something else. The intense anger of just wanting to die like when I was 4 comes about. What type of therapy and actions would you suggest I take?",5.4200743374272795,5.990623803167424,6.2908629605688455,78.07630090497739,67.75565610859728,9.11971557853911,32.52779573367809,9.140100540675403,2.8293488041370396,1779,74,333,31,28,589,213,442,0.182,0.777,0.040999999999999995,-0.9975,2,1,1,0,0,1,30.0,1,1,1,5,20,15,3,2,13,0,39,0,0,6,3,69,63,34,4,6,9,1,5,2,0,4,0,2,1,1,27,26,0,1,9,3,0,8,5,12,0,5,26,8,54,3,71,27,9,75,0,5,1,0,21,31,0,11,37,264,81,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615600752465873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05842326190124315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520184604626373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031633698893449,0.0,0.08071736737636445,0.13212240239471362,0.0,0.0,0.09488330735309433,0.1462099586024546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379390319705827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825552498504384,0.0,0.07400577825368375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06859392426200749,0.0,0.0,0.16621884144758972,0.0,0.22198823132423096,0.0,0.2674899903049568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006884927631883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353728693415335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056744217118746915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721237193839671,0.1680772908132077,0.0,0.0,0.13031941334782735,0.0,0.08248921285364799,0.0,0.0,0.14615379651188842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488258996935771,0.0,0.13742371582047702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597190053824615,0.0,0.0769604824676397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617697072692612,0.0,0.08460624004590284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525463099105576,0.0,0.0950491526367774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691273659327744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394475117033366,0.08610662359517265,0.0,0.0,0.07214463496704727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05734708009996106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908582381963048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857432168448903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325216149358336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464904976389295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539536348238876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593547825370818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29196542423316274,0.0,0.16344440731372464,0.0,0.0,0.08694776256959799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965689451845312,0.0,0.0,0.07279315299219702,0.06613943131788932,0.0,0.0,0.060809118004515376,0.0,0.06860961720399009,0.0,0.0,0.1796282309766318,0.09834894809535813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459530443780444,0.06905299552099622,0.0,0.0,0.19649624279469102,0.0997507197675418,0.0,0.0550490874775736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166575283787087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269303472818875,0.06819312864144779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389244915151165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763537816780207,0.0,0.0,0.061029582670303215,0.0,0.0,0.1659739765549743 ptsd,emmalane31,2018/11/08,"I’m fine until I’m not I’ll be going along with my life, supposedly “fine,” I can’t cry but who cares, I can’t talk to people like I used to be able to but oh well, and I ignore my trauma and my pain constantly. But then a trigger happens, usually it’s something incredibly minor. By the time my mind realizes “oh shit this isn’t dangerous everything is fine,” my body is in full fight or flight. Full on panic attack and meltdown. And it takes me forever to calm down, all while I’m telling myself “it’s fine, it’s not happening again, it’s okay.” I’m tired of having PTSD. I hate that I’ll be like this for the rest of my life. ",-0.5900912106136005,1.5940944850746277,2.1073631840796025,93.21321724709786,92.955223880597,5.664344941956882,17.892205638474298,7.1686216300943375,0.3156812603648427,487,14,111,9,18,168,82,134,0.266,0.5770000000000001,0.157,-0.9743,0,0,1,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,2,19,5,1,3,1,9,6,2,2,1,18,20,11,0,0,6,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,9,1,0,0,0,13,10,14,17,4,13,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,9,66,22,0,0.18714936277184732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21290941791220944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078807522357564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081124819709025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20224197512719266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557478714781294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681977797987624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063612957219984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309911268577652,0.0,0.0,0.1847712500849504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643782591799012,0.18286345074173704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896750611330432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914011700041515,0.21957945362993234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297458038436396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876759005115087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210613147669287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144076722752376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407130297788577,0.15042356870414544,0.16357679200466707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091282984475723,0.21510066172280606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616369608312967,0.20611858283037227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682697528668103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,novaturientfox,2018/11/08,"Dissociated for 3 hours It was really bad. Now i am exhausted. I was supposed to make dinner, but now, I just hope my roommate won't be mad when he comes home and i haven't cooked yet with it being like, 9pm. I hate ptsd. Just needed to vent, i guess",-0.8261904761904759,1.2699447407407405,2.0593121693121685,94.03833333333333,92.33333333333331,5.307936507936508,15.121693121693122,6.868970318607317,-0.33498624338624383,192,4,46,3,7,67,43,54,0.159,0.6579999999999999,0.183,0.3282,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,0,10,13,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,7,2,4,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26946941876118663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27800677384489325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555278987144851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186330202523815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32372852737787405,0.32054769368036384,0.31782799123712024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767153595817462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542745856093032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393031799728359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772587884710677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067516716650673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,5000candleinthewind,2018/11/08,"Spouse with PTSD advice Hi guys, so long story short this past Monday my husband was held at gun point and robbed by two men while at work. Since they took everything he had, I’m handling the insurance claims and ordering new cards, etc. and he actually felt fine enough to go back to work so he went the next day and today. While he was at work my paranoia was through the roof. I was constantly worrying, I couldn’t focus, and had several panic attacks and he was joking around about it as if it was a funny story instead of a traumatic event. Tonight everything changed, he had a mental breakdown while driving home and talked about how everything hit him. I’m trying to be supportive but he brought up the point that I’m handling it worse than he is and he finds it “funny.” Then he stopped and now he’s fine and joking around on the phone with his friend from college. I know that it was just the calm before the storm but he does bring up a good point, I tried to hide my fear and not let him see it but in result I think it may have made things worse. So the advice that I’m asking is, as someone with PTSD or someone with a spouse of PTSD, how can I better support my husband while still dealing with the fact that I could have lost him and the anxiety that comes with it?",5.628456549935152,5.55701879766537,5.509120622568092,86.08124254215305,67.24902723735408,8.721037613488978,29.19559014267185,8.238735603445708,1.747514345006485,1009,31,213,12,15,314,141,257,0.114,0.7659999999999999,0.11900000000000001,0.5187,0,0,0,1,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,5,14,14,1,2,15,0,20,0,0,4,1,42,41,29,0,3,7,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,15,21,0,2,4,2,0,7,2,4,0,1,17,2,16,10,29,18,2,40,0,1,1,0,29,13,0,3,19,131,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.10062901077075473,0.0,0.0,0.20153286971671475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888555039278873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359507403500744,0.09640209766648583,0.11731244831098385,0.0,0.07929194244342054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877464488386005,0.0,0.0,0.09120014167572683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908594908005016,0.08882765985802908,0.0,0.11143471945051757,0.0,0.08233191943184139,0.0,0.0,0.06650305358359962,0.1063108883500245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023990032227636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065492191249858,0.11500464826540355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780294109413329,0.0,0.0,0.11603724612847001,0.0,0.0,0.0990101572366841,0.0,0.09424865607409397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966927923373424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586047537447176,0.08649110288423796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10210376042837656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034364994728731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566713602311645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544589353501632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125683594125372,0.0,0.0,0.1125662810363659,0.0,0.0,0.09757344081662957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391943157706857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959271729880828,0.10966794503810934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098761791146825,0.0,0.0,0.09843850114251693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924416078446379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616208505709658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217228134880791,0.0,0.0,0.1164948195097918,0.0,0.08530088358756245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474433987625804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235075535716364,0.08621188021148643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340358380177772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828829335094755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850750582016138,0.06607432194268417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774450387651527,0.0,0.11456870934713755,0.1400217049968866,0.0,0.10073202082435917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559210089112608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22521500270004316,0.10472208138112213,0.2101736022655905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,stargirl_22,2018/11/08,"PTSD and emotional abuse Is it possible to have PTSD after parental emotional abuse and sexual harassment? Most of the people I know with (non-combat) PTSD from have been traumatized after sexual assault/physical abuse, which isn’t what happened to me. ",11.884186046511624,10.991631953488376,10.63220930232558,57.12877906976747,55.04651162790698,16.041860465116287,42.43023255813954,14.554592549557764,6.829102325581398,206,9,29,8,2,65,32,43,0.348,0.593,0.059000000000000004,-0.9559,1,0,0,0,3,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,7,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,21,5,0,0.0,0.6090360133638262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854729060602407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515169800183066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416496742201737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025478209964847,0.0,0.0,0.11878682401588175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931621249053156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6008681541123737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ZenixYT,2019/01/22,"Is this PTSD? I know inhave to get it diagnosed, of which i most likely will, is reoccuring thoughts, which are almost all the time, a sign of PTSD, I'm almost scared to go to sleep. The trauma was a 7.2 earthquake on November 30th, in Anchorage, Alaska, being i live their, im so scared about another quake like that, and i'm 12, thought i should throw that in there.",2.1726418786692747,4.3176422328767154,3.348375733855189,89.63082191780823,78.72602739726028,6.911154598825831,21.38747553816047,7.957251820313856,0.927698238747554,285,8,60,5,7,92,54,73,0.114,0.851,0.035,-0.672,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,2,4,0,7,2,1,0,1,10,14,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,3,0,5,2,9,8,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,3,3,36,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150983365185566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173387858090544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103728659061583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828908284080543,0.0,0.11779529784296268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22388522964605806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113909185365318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20252155164615676,0.0,0.18302162303409772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845708817955399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150232644350567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741789240030814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290956066135672,0.12085975759760115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pandadumdumdum,2019/01/22,"Am I being ridiculous? I was on a flight that lost cabin pressure at 37,000 feet and the oxygen masks dropped, we had to use them as the air outside was unbreathable. I experienced the worst pain of my life in my ears and had a heavy nose bleed due to the pressure change, and honestly thought we were going to die. I'm not afraid of flying, for the most part, and I've gotten pretty good at handling it. I have had some pretty bad anxiety reactions to seeing oxygen masks, feeling pressure change in my ears, and seeing the interior of that specific model of airplane. I might have to fly on the same type of plane again in a few months (A Boeing 737-800) and I'm seriously considering paying more to take a different flight that isn't on that model of a plane. Am I being ridiculous? Should I just tough it up and get on the 737-800 again?",6.546759813705922,5.948032485029942,6.908942115768465,78.57835662009317,65.46706586826348,9.817431803060547,31.13040585495676,9.150863307647796,2.4324589487691286,663,21,132,10,9,216,95,167,0.191,0.732,0.077,-0.9541,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,0,1,1,3,14,2,4,14,0,15,7,4,1,0,19,27,8,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,6,9,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,12,0,0,9,7,13,2,24,14,7,18,0,1,2,0,3,12,0,3,4,90,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660501892122194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709269506547026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331187913289221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21245995611092072,0.21388169740319168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350913246777768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695418496604607,0.0,0.11634321524495615,0.17170369904577154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459496993271556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234686135016581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171683286344369,0.0,0.0,0.16340010359429946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178292520678005,0.0,0.0,0.22168441989664986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165337903660831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262597931143145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391883109548846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16251939465128265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176806455749548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,6tghy7,2019/01/22,"I don’t know if what I’m experiencing is ptsd or the effects of a drug that was used on me Whenever I’m around people, doesn’t matter if it’s my family or a group of strangers (I can’t go out in public anymore unless I’m inhebriated in some way), I feel like I can’t help but overhear people. Pay attention to every single word and then assess in which way what they’re saying could be about me or directed at me. I get it in songs, tv, people, everything. I can’t turn it off. I feel like it pisses people off as well, like they notice that I am very aware of them if that makes any sense? I was assaulted sexuallly and psychologically by a guy I used to be friends with. They used a drug on me called scopolamine, they said a bunch of things into my head while I was on it and its brainwashed me to an extent. That or it’s ptsd and I’ve completely lost my sanity, but I doubt it.",2.6025286478227656,3.648369363636366,4.70056913674561,85.15236631016046,74.6149732620321,7.909702062643241,22.448051948051948,8.418075326091056,1.0686886172650871,689,17,155,12,14,239,106,187,0.08800000000000001,0.813,0.099,0.0027,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,2,3,9,2,1,7,0,13,4,2,5,0,32,28,17,0,4,10,0,2,3,1,0,2,3,0,1,16,8,0,0,5,2,1,1,5,4,1,0,5,6,24,5,25,20,4,18,0,1,0,0,13,13,1,9,5,104,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433322069821236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375713078219326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348872296596235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164692373419308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544352892106333,0.0,0.0,0.11075529823894907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217384433935854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687617520863015,0.0,0.12467108965961812,0.0,0.13077129513800206,0.0,0.14028031050808293,0.1982008041702432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071734370206095,0.0,0.0724746016098941,0.0,0.0788368232394943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373529551551976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236502598005496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297997199406263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623596592091697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331230611515486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514274428905201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259556189471474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579317371930294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846792927541042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243086070044105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195289723018727,0.11031438311187043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215829402592628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088570817944208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594242931187914,0.0,0.11445714933414125,0.0,0.2202163057964554,0.0,0.0,0.12472443733656376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,moniv23,2019/01/22,"Getting help making things worse TW: sexual assault So I went to the dr a couple weeks ago, and I’ve been feeling better over the past few days, but was in a horrible slump right after and a few weeks or maybe over a month leading up to the appt. Getting out of bed was harder, my depressive symptoms were slowly creeping back up, and I was getting a lot of migraine and back pain. I have fibromyalgia and arthritis and it seems everything aggravates it, but more recently, I’ve noticed when I take my adderall it makes things 10xs worse (since it’s a stimulant I know my muscles tend to tense and i have tmj so I crack my jaw all day and notice my temples hurting and headaches sometimes coming from there) I’m also on a smaller dose of duloxetine cause I was trying to get off of it. The adderall was given to me by a fckd up, ageist, discriminatory psychologist (only one I’ve ever seen) and she thought i had add. I was only recently diagnosed with ptsd when that probably was my diagnosis to begin with as a child, but definitely after the sexual assaults/rapes at 15, 24, and 25 (I’m 26 going on 27 now). I finished CPT therapy a few months ago and it’s done WONDERS for my self harm, suicidality, hypervigilance, and self worth, but this nagging leftover dissociation and feelings of anxiety and depression have left me useless with work, even with taking loads of adderall each day and drinking black tea after that (which doesnt do much for me anyway). I got referred to a therapist that does emdr after I went to the dr for gastrointestinal issues (my pcp has been my family dr since I was little and downplays all my symptoms because I “look okay”) and this lady actually listened. She asked all the right questions about my traumas and gave me the right referrals and I cried most of the appt without wanting to or being able to stop (side effect of healing I guess?) and she heard me out completely, which is what I’ve always wanted, but I could help but feeling worse after. I’m semi hopeful now, and I’m going to follow thru with the referrals, but I’ve been procrastinating so much and have a hard time sleeping and waking and eating and overeating and my vivid semi disturbing dreams have come back full force. My ptsd went from a 67 to a 29 when I was done with cpt in November 2018, and my depression was still moderate-severe and my anxiety was within the clinical range as well. I can’t help but think that some symptoms have some back, maybe some underlying mistrust of myself and others since I haven’t had good experiences with the medical system as a woc, but I’m just not sure what to do to help in the immediate moment. I’m from a small town so mental health isn’t exactly the top conversation, and to top it off I work as a therapist so everyone just assumes I’m over everything I’ve gone thru. Any advice or kind words or just real statements to help me through this weird time? Side note for context, I just realized I had been raped those 3 times during the spring of 2017, a couple months after the last rape, so I’m fairly new to processing this type of trauma, which I try to give myself credit for in the grand scheme of things. Thanks for reading ",6.990215208034433,6.752131788617888,7.408802008608322,74.16227044476332,64.4471544715447,10.357245337159256,33.53538976566237,9.916854025145753,3.1747025346724063,2530,95,468,48,34,831,298,615,0.14800000000000002,0.758,0.09300000000000001,-0.9916,0,0,1,0,0,0,58.0,0,0,0,7,27,25,4,1,35,1,37,22,3,6,6,101,86,58,1,4,19,0,4,0,0,0,14,3,1,3,25,44,3,1,14,3,2,10,6,15,1,1,31,11,51,10,82,53,16,83,0,5,4,2,18,32,0,15,40,318,76,7,0.06843073845723358,0.0,0.06677852948156353,0.0,0.0,0.06686972563280423,0.12131944153568824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472403682090484,0.05693985626858091,0.0,0.0,0.046535248740928736,0.0,0.10469865523323177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397350298684355,0.0,0.0,0.21047605558484747,0.0,0.04171474301237859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052142720044766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702972185100277,0.0,0.11789404381845744,0.07174832732312726,0.0,0.0,0.05463637639823435,0.1514346210589633,0.0751679529353419,0.13239649551351046,0.0,0.17681788428201586,0.06945575907836378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988420037053386,0.14005680817335608,0.0,0.0670360718338708,0.0,0.07002172919433419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045197857365337664,0.061899520668280486,0.0,0.06538850313075821,0.12300227057174774,0.06693839304038934,0.0645104100377191,0.0,0.10380191243282864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300894587732646,0.06564499980463001,0.07778153130446486,0.05739645674353189,0.05473031281117604,0.0,0.07538417336031315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06130050049083775,0.0,0.0,0.07273867501444553,0.0,0.0,0.2293384076491245,0.0,0.0,0.06796716375289227,0.0,0.0,0.07325652083666521,0.0,0.0,0.0714239120853463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126008369746223,0.03760774423767837,0.05578018517164141,0.0,0.0,0.07435019755942271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858557733418204,0.0,0.0,0.05746458558219621,0.0,0.0,0.058177366729975186,0.0,0.0,0.09135609858719196,0.0,0.13749574899337405,0.0,0.0,0.06893676971684637,0.06896208928343568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16386228770771144,0.0,0.10060893301549716,0.0,0.0,0.06609083362091774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581769857888214,0.0,0.0,0.04637043938005261,0.10408932040779936,0.0728151304442926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653248829568832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737799100471696,0.0,0.15998374256780082,0.0,0.07665808818231397,0.0,0.06844925678690819,0.07788916175956002,0.0,0.0,0.13513419736143642,0.0,0.0,0.17531843022982466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062296774212669624,0.14277636880081032,0.0773072564213751,0.0,0.1698198419866888,0.0,0.06848015831815535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767975010365558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054648876127535176,0.057211161475880526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485212111392722,0.0,0.06449516115141819,0.2133772167565578,0.10290279801872156,0.0,0.0,0.06300183001175708,0.07825651322383886,0.15890672329510794,0.13638702583121054,0.04384765409128112,0.0,0.05432636254738304,0.11970754169950253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291995900163268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072444504274816,0.0,0.1097820214237592,0.0,0.061527452074360924,0.19030794038426124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596478991617667,0.074210216797002,0.0996367852060551,0.0,0.20921030606838809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Throwaway1123124235,2019/01/22,"Dealing with Roommates and Insignificant Triggers Hi everyone, &#x200B; I've never posted here before, so apologies if this isn't a proper post. &#x200B; I am living with roommates found online in a small, two-bedroom apartment. My wife and I share one room, this other couple shares the second. &#x200B; My wife is out of the country working on visa paperwork, so I'm here alone with them. &#x200B; The roommates are largely okay but very controlling and annoying about what ought to be done. When my wife was here they would needle her about every little thing (the light was on in the hallway, there is water on the bathroom floor, the fridge door was slightly ajar). Nothing they complained about was outright ridiculous, but there was some new thing every day for months, and they wouldn't tell her in a kind way. The boyfriend would tell her and then wait expectantly for her to go ""fix"" whatever insignificant issue there was, watching her the whole time as if he's the boss. &#x200B; Now that she is gone, they are still doing the same thing. Not as often, and for some reason they even still text her to tell me to do something. &#x200B; So, the point of this story: &#x200B; I largely avoid conflict with them (eg., saying no, telling them to take care of their issues themselves), because I get all worked up and anxious when I have to deal with it. The troubling thing for me is that this is not reflective of my character at all. I am a professor who has lived abroad for many years, I am comfortable arguing or debating with others and dealing with conflicts in a classroom or professionally, I know how to box and fight and am not terribly afraid of physical violence (no more than the ""normal"" person, I mean), I am a big guy, feel confident in myself physically and mentally, etc. Point being, I am at least self-sufficient in most meaningful ways. &#x200B; The issue is that the second I enter my home, all of this melts away. I immediately revert to the same level of insecurity and anxiety I had as a child growing up in an abusive home. I even sometimes will catch myself in the mirror and be shocked at my size (I am only 6'1"", \~220) -- not because i'm a huge man or something, but because internally I am literally feeling myself to be a small child again. &#x200B; So, the real point of the story: &#x200B; Does anyone have any recommendations for dealing with this anxiety? I can't seem to find ""myself"" when I'm home, and it's a strange feeling. I have this dreadful sense of something bad looming around the corner, but I know rationally that nothing will happen. I just can't seem to shake or deal with the feeling(s). &#x200B; I realize on rereading that this is a little jumbled -- hope it makes a little sense. ",7.987121724429414,7.986552118343197,7.4145865032403515,74.15447485207103,62.33333333333333,9.767511975204282,36.25309946463793,9.23628265651192,3.3022578754578764,2192,92,376,32,28,685,250,507,0.141,0.78,0.079,-0.9877,0,2,3,0,1,0,123.0,0,0,9,3,26,21,4,5,35,1,44,1,0,6,4,81,65,36,0,9,15,3,3,0,0,6,0,1,5,5,24,25,1,5,14,0,1,6,11,14,0,3,10,6,50,7,62,45,12,59,0,0,1,0,43,35,0,13,14,284,74,6,0.0,0.046004879613055834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04021414075808258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627718305915212,0.5189835199803761,0.02640439948588716,0.0,0.05940669048110151,0.04386463459284317,0.0,0.027149469203575024,0.0,0.0,0.03456518869027768,0.0,0.0,0.03648022284783268,0.0,0.03241979255316958,0.07100764057899278,0.0,0.0330398032403604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039587775756124835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043548949820531264,0.0,0.04296248906603573,0.0,0.025040874409936083,0.20015002771528426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03397868051118385,0.03973456695499501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330352966653905,0.051291110032506734,0.0,0.0654285987004299,0.03710185730521714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889787284761775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035488126227013785,0.0,0.0,0.042572943054455484,0.0,0.0,0.020286048958407167,0.0,0.0220668706062034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03844586532338877,0.034335508601091184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684307350402888,0.03856500593013185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157916151124006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04043342988925852,0.042677752004422295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674769332279332,0.06857174348359699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0259180190053086,0.039365539474187236,0.0,0.04229511969651746,0.0,0.0,0.03912953307628355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030992172044273607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02994657904582186,0.03750036414326012,0.0,0.0,0.038043236401715294,0.07451310545785317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02631088559434629,0.029530474990721936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03390314790798684,0.0,0.0,0.11011514779651088,0.0,0.07437306081427476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044194811424989135,0.0,0.039921693154156106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03087761680525585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069518085746086,0.04050611505214997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967516924537483,0.03840192557669071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201624771619961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029193854772631176,0.0,0.13574967769401727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318250106961603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022640943070230585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03792935431680537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03203720039097298,0.0,0.06163978361512772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04335012136988591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653455286586495,0.0,0.0,0.05516465287431591,0.0,0.5189835199803761,0.02500398550510444 ptsd,spicycherry6,2019/01/22,"MILD TW: SEXUAL ASSAULT Whenever I heat muffled voices/noises from other rooms or outside, I immediately believe something horrible is happening. If I hear a shout outside, I assume someone is being attacked. Considering I am a college student at a large party school, 99.9% of screams on the street are by intoxicated idiots. If I hear one of my roommates crying, I assume she just received some sort of horrible news or is suicidally depressed. If I hear a conversation getting heated, especially if a male voice is getting very loud, I am struck with fear. Even though that situation could be literally anything and it’s not even my business. What annoys me the most is that if I hear one of my roommates having sex, I get scared it’s actually them getting assaulted. We are all very sexually active women and 3/4 of us have a steady boyfriend. I have no issue with sex. I have it all the time. But because I was once a victim I get really scared. I feel guilt more than anything. That I may very well be ignoring a horrible situation I could prevent. If something horrible was happening and I assumed nothing was wrong and didn’t budge, I would be directly responsible. A bystander. At this moment I hear thumps from my neighbors upstairs and I heard a female voice. Turns out the voice was just the wind. Yet for a while I was paralyzed with fear. Whenever I try to talk myself down and remind myself logically I have zero evidence this is really a horrible thing going on, it doesn’t work. Because I feel like even if there’s only a 1% chance someone is in danger, I am compelled to drop whatever I’m doing and step in. I’m sick of this. It drives me crazy. I can talk myself down from all my other fears but this one is so much harder. What do I do?",3.724437810945272,5.9816861253731375,5.390671641791048,76.30322139303483,74.31343283582089,8.1681592039801,29.375621890547265,8.936278230431713,2.762633830845771,1392,61,244,31,30,472,180,335,0.16399999999999998,0.79,0.045,-0.9828,0,0,2,0,0,0,40.0,2,0,1,1,10,19,7,6,18,0,37,4,0,1,3,46,56,21,1,10,14,0,2,1,1,2,2,12,2,2,17,12,0,2,6,0,0,4,4,17,1,4,7,14,43,2,26,41,7,20,0,1,0,2,17,11,0,16,5,183,60,4,0.0,0.0,0.09120271640574452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15381794852414246,0.0,0.0,0.1063233541920068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11394374528558128,0.0,0.0,0.10529653590726472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923916356862582,0.0,0.1026605639205493,0.0,0.0,0.08049628865661403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851867987858094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155028148473287,0.09451157885109253,0.06676728495909101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441429235487878,0.0,0.05311502811037607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529135798877925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5266766629364922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975471435067628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045659453754185814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870327975873014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896766415504491,0.0,0.0,0.09953101840109396,0.1899911572726214,0.07107994772960766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11974473811805746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713796527188825,0.0945857195054619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21010415661589865,0.0,0.0,0.15837538649316754,0.14389894607988568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222921689533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502379606406257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209015250298885,0.0,0.09182320846744207,0.0,0.054496822366949305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345267509670904,0.10165679313407701,0.0,0.0,0.1124199335165927,0.0,0.0,0.2313409313506258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840310621732875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803942476179217,0.0,0.0,0.06639074793176,0.10218298485673742,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mitchopolis2099,2019/01/22,"How can you tell if you have PTSD vs anxiety/depression? I had a psychiatrist diagnose Mr with PTSD. I used to see him regularly until he retired. Then I started seeing a new one and she rolled her eyes when I told her he said I have PTSD and has been trying to convince me it's just depression... I really don't know what to think but it's confusing. It took me years to accept I had PTSD and now all the sudden it's just, "" nah, that's not true. You're just depressed with anxiety"". Now I'm sitting here wondering WTF is the distinguishing difference?",1.653108108108107,4.043230459459462,3.7508333333333366,84.64625000000002,82.24324324324327,8.024324324324324,23.664414414414416,8.841846274778883,2.01114954954955,435,16,89,12,12,148,75,111,0.16399999999999998,0.7909999999999999,0.045,-0.9344,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,0,8,6,0,1,4,0,9,2,1,2,2,22,20,9,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,6,4,15,3,7,14,1,11,0,2,3,0,12,0,0,3,9,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610030137159293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921465773805588,0.15403893284068262,0.0,0.1585627950970694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340642829029142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657620356623002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284032731393683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7096236598378582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722495698454224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436388032313435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24187513635856014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742050313546653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326498611834451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724529590365323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501857550714298,0.16861721337717955,0.10303890932976806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310767875663787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645833657708429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773209815675764 ptsd,throwaway068381,2019/01/22,"Tw self harm I self harmed again. I just needed to throw it out there, I feel like trash, like I'm worth nothing and I failed again in my ridiculous attempts to stop.",2.2454901960784315,4.07033688235294,2.018235294117648,100.7787254901961,77.23529411764707,4.533333333333334,20.15686274509804,3.1291,-0.720949019607843,130,3,30,0,3,38,26,34,0.27,0.501,0.22899999999999998,-0.4015,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,4,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,2,4,3,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,15,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610787993090118,0.2488212586399289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403176498457041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582555415409993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341974267016575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7266930740803305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2911893274342598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jxcartier,2019/01/22,"Triggered by insignificant news events I have had PTSD in various severities since I was very young. We all can point at horrific events that rattle us to the core. But every few years, news of a minor but emotional event will send me into a tailspin. The worst was in August 2009, when Jaycee Lee Dugard emerged from 18 years of captivity. I was so messed up from that I needed to take time off from work. Who else can relate? ",4.817723577235771,6.270732073170732,4.849756097560974,84.63406504065041,69.73170731707317,8.393495934959349,24.642276422764226,8.841846274778883,1.5776276422764228,338,9,67,6,6,105,64,82,0.163,0.815,0.022000000000000002,-0.9235,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,1,9,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,0,7,0,14,5,4,17,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,9,44,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23473207592219186,0.31607725851196883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23674718924197286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835140046049055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656274906446689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.328463654026233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31744005383730145,0.0,0.2324388088015297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21127039850582566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384821745018951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33799779349582026,0.0,0.0,0.23184715229717584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456492652894465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36189821611702105 ptsd,hanjay09,2019/01/22,"Flashbacks/episodes I sometimes have intense flashbacks, I'm not completely gone but it's like I'm back there at least emotionally, I feel terrified, like I'm going to be sick and pass out and then I start shaking so badly I clench up and curl into a little ball. Then I get waves of emotional pain and headaches. Eventually I get so tired, when it's over I fall asleep. Has anyone ever had anything similar? I can't work out if it's definitely my PTSD or something else..",1.8904985337243403,4.535150268817207,3.3137243401759555,86.3633137829912,83.94623655913979,6.392570869990226,25.658846529814266,7.686295010490155,1.6596752688172045,377,16,73,7,11,123,68,93,0.257,0.618,0.125,-0.9581,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,1,0,5,4,1,0,1,13,14,12,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,1,0,5,2,3,0,0,2,1,9,2,8,11,1,18,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,2,8,43,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564266374089744,0.0,0.18317561727560971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116078587239156,0.18585640968031086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333852191506033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594844165975927,0.500775817991502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134871063157586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255004348874216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23259200192753596,0.0,0.1265051075518983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174960388209161,0.2230973263616292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368553499468576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602000786134317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136347563077536,0.22015082301309952,0.0,0.15755293935339898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558386691419372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620508367118488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NicholasSnell,2019/01/22,"Anyone else have success with domesticated rats as emotional support animals? (x-post from /r/BipolarReddit) I have bipolar and my partner has depression and PTSD. He has tried many of the strong antidepressants. Not much effect. He recalled that, when he was a child of 10, he had a pet rat whom he very much loved. A few days ago some extra money came our way and we decided to acquire two rats as pets for him (and, secondarily, for me). Bust my buttons! He has been engaged, task-oriented, energized, calm--all since the rat adoption. Today we got a third because--well, how could we resist. He has been playing with the rats, feeding them, tending to them, and just letting them ride in the hood of his sweatshirt. I have not seen him this euthymic and equable since August. Does anyone else have a similar story about rats as emotional support animals? Or emotional support animals that have had as dramatic an effect?",4.668882235528944,7.173581197604793,5.144814371257485,78.00652295409185,72.35329341317366,8.28566866267465,32.09141716566866,9.029198982220553,3.150205908183633,728,35,123,16,15,232,108,167,0.021,0.7959999999999999,0.183,0.9777,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,4,0,3,5,4,10,0,0,10,0,16,3,0,3,0,22,24,13,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,4,12,1,0,3,1,1,2,2,1,0,2,8,1,15,9,16,14,5,9,0,1,1,1,21,1,0,2,5,80,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423167668216654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598779352492668,0.2871939039492621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16029059651356542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118958109577833,0.0,0.0,0.09038308791119806,0.0,0.1207082280943204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264340363970072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341493258619852,0.4729388391645348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208819361193227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433095918410661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264879530519109,0.0,0.0,0.14208685194936393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060480378001452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422188825670958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638241021348537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23186175204739284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4771107621849457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284277353673565,0.0,0.0,0.0951504734763822,0.0,0.13690305336424358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563578220004228,0.0,0.11124200157927984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sojayn,2019/04/05,"The more research I find about human networks and connection and health and neuroscience and psychology - the less hope I have. Solutions or opinions welcome, thanks. I get daily dopamine and distraction from learning new things. It's always been my survival tool from childhood. Today, listening to a ted talk, I physically felt hope flee. We all know humans are social. There is more and more evidence that interaction is vital. I grew up isolated on a farm at the end of a dirt road. No extended family and my parents had no social group or community connection. I have tried to create that in my life. Interest groups, therapy groups, recovery groups, meditation groups- I even lived in an intentional community for a year with 24 other people. I nurse. And today, i have not one person who would just drop round or text or call. My partner is away and it's days and days of silence and my dog. Mostly Im okay with it. Today, the scientists are telling me this will slow kill me - and i get that. Anyone have any thoughts (besides I need a new hobby 🥺) ",3.6134615384615394,6.3424266923076935,4.732499999999998,78.49875,76.94871794871796,8.207692307692309,27.698717948717945,8.982922981607832,2.7354564102564103,835,35,145,21,20,273,128,195,0.092,0.799,0.109,0.3072,1,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,1,0,0,1,4,9,1,1,10,1,13,2,0,1,1,34,23,16,1,4,6,1,2,0,1,2,2,1,0,4,10,15,0,0,5,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,4,3,19,7,16,17,6,21,0,0,1,0,20,7,0,8,11,97,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443405388231585,0.0,0.0,0.1016962463330084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045658739337326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050316618634448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270294326607606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288928981307776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245315763769194,0.0,0.0,0.09877356543077592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097843522364562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358738346997446,0.0,0.13668211725884022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562629767891749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896015197829294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970653693526213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153508518976034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654502286543461,0.0,0.0821864398601555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562859432569367,0.0,0.0,0.13205164769073785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088628766858924,0.0,0.2888644577225734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133607863615236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605287120275375,0.0,0.0,0.1036762018342446,0.13057759116839102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304886143325128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019921883865115,0.13070958752324596,0.137681645583874,0.1710186119403778,0.0,0.09935155930775952,0.0,0.0,0.11872263063968153,0.0,0.0,0.42525568947383396,0.0,0.0,0.10153175598663927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623301867894837,0.0,0.0,0.09630256770630874 ptsd,ConsciousDentist,2019/04/05,"looking for other members of this community who deal with trauma related to pelvic medical procedures Hi reddit, &#x200B; I'm scared to post this but am reaching out in case there are others in the community who hold this kind of trauma and are looking for ways to deal with it. I believe there's an issue that is not spoken about enough whatsoever in the medical community that has haunted my life and the lives of many others - VCUG-related PTSD and trauma in children. VCUG stands for voiding urethrocystogram, and I'm a victim of its side effects. A few deeper Google searches on the topic led me to clarity about my own situation and led me to the stories of others. In a world where we are waking up to the rampant sexual abuse at the hands of those in power, this is a widely practiced and accepted procedure done in children that leaves many, especially girls, with symptoms mirroring those of violent rape. I am one of them. I'm just now starting to learn about it and what happened to me, but I can't believe this continues to happen in the medical community. Moreover i feel like these complaints arent heard because they're often performed on children who can't advocate for themselves, and it's considered ""standard"" and ""necessary"". I'd file a lawsuit for my specific situation (bringing students into the room without consent, overall damages and PTSD from the procedure) but my statute of limitations ended long ago. I still think there's a story to be told. Would anyone be willing to share their stories about going through experiences like this? 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I haven’t been diagnosed with Ptsd but I know I have it, I still remember the day my mother was murdered and I was covered in her blood taking her to the hospital. It’s been about 3 years, I feel detached from everything, I hardly like to go out, and I feel like I care about myself more than the people around me. I want help but I can’t seem to talk about my feelings to anybody I guess I care to much about what other people think. I may have anxiety / depression I don’t even know. Is there any way to get through these feelings / emotions on your own with time or do I need to see a psychiatrist?",1.8376190476190464,3.874123158730161,3.1145238095238104,91.43464285714286,79.3174603174603,6.4222222222222225,23.198412698412696,7.492282038375204,0.9035365079365074,482,16,104,7,12,156,81,126,0.11599999999999999,0.731,0.152,0.5619,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,8,6,1,0,4,0,12,2,1,0,0,22,29,5,1,2,3,1,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,9,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,6,23,4,20,24,3,10,0,1,1,0,7,4,0,4,6,75,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887097416203765,0.0,0.1337226240082755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556103426591488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564434382652079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127324685634042,0.0,0.15055622510216604,0.17741978320075735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966280936352151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545470327161055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571002640214359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.353539443314373,0.12487818446689868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132653832455176,0.0,0.09934368729230343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256349468825276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565877567461547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171657213300537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213260117970374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707983091439659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284991721386967,0.12961305369339698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423706194445165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204333530427623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19801595729052207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13929411695799435,0.15913266691748534,0.18235602587145386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395966566828967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142892941846887,0.1404987770156151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200570530025747,0.0,0.0,0.10192812603611907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310241892487876,0.13874924762791385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256639699432908 ptsd,Grayfoxy1138,2019/04/05,"Struggles with extremes from hyper arousal and not wanting to be touched. Hello all, every month I go weeks having an insatiable sexual appetite to a week or more of wanting little to no physical contact. Any other rape/sexual assault survivors experience this? ",8.811060606060604,10.779338590909095,8.634545454545453,59.28015151515154,60.81818181818182,10.412121212121212,44.21212121212121,10.504223727775694,5.750221212121213,214,13,25,5,3,69,40,44,0.17800000000000002,0.8220000000000001,0.0,-0.8032,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,7,5,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,6,4,2,5,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,19,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247878093849633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785056971444949,0.0,0.0,0.32334488677750844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18786125040265186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313015853892711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638447606292945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34556643390767344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389938200738928,0.0,0.530300380322141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pinkholla,2019/04/05,"Starting EMDR on my journey for disclosure after keeping my secret for 15years!!! I was sexually abused for many years as a school age child. I never told anyone except my husband and never really talked about it. I told my husband and finally started talking about it in therapy. Next week, I’m starting “eye movement desensitization and reprocessing” (but she uses vibrations in your hands). Anyone have EMDR? Did it work? I’m so excited to begin this journey, let go of my anxiety, and find some peace!!!",5.180666666666667,7.767218344444442,6.628611111111113,67.57625000000003,71.1111111111111,8.944444444444445,33.47222222222222,9.516144504307137,3.894555555555556,401,20,59,10,8,136,65,90,0.054000000000000006,0.8590000000000001,0.087,0.6303,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,2,1,2,13,15,7,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,4,2,10,1,13,10,1,19,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,1,12,41,14,2,0.0,0.22194461732035647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329996400376555,0.0,0.0,0.26195823588801315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205200872913346,0.1712078949259074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645877553305734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649940911254366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154829588783653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991397581504355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889468283487267,0.0,0.1992178858875608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200025553039734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957873580598952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977600587782405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30112286291457696,0.0,0.0,0.21421775672390675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35798626540233297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617851006249596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025751460933753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637183497412048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062850812980368 ptsd,riverbadger,2019/04/05,"Do you find flashbacks embarrassing? I have full body flashbacks. It’s not something that I can hide. I get muscle spasms and twitching, sometimes my arms jerk and my teeth chatter. I struggle to breathe and tears fill my eyes. I must look crazy and I’m always embarrassed once it’s over. I want to hide away and never see anyone again.",2.293125,5.122662062500002,2.2800000000000007,92.965,84.625,4.45,23.625,5.985473137389443,0.4880687500000001,268,10,51,2,8,80,47,64,0.27,0.71,0.02,-0.9217,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,3,0,0,4,6,5,0,2,10,9,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,3,10,0,4,8,1,6,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569452348468965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215919213403464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901265200812802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430057141144586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822363944813571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133456242992258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25931311396626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381645749025204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288605106495374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24607256358077645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23772830646150275,0.3054097854187726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3228234223658961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821374591424768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JDnotsalinger,2019/04/05,"This week I’ve become very aware of the insane amount of space my trauma takes up on a day to day basis. I’ll be writing emails and imagine running into the guy who sexually assaulted me. I’ll be processing an incoming order and imagine fighting with my little brother about how he and I recovered different types of abuse, and he should stop acting like k should be over it by now. I spend the whole fucking day like this. And the I shame myself for not having any hobbies or real interests anymore: How the fuck could I? I’m not bored enough. I’m busy literally fighting inner battles, all the time. I tried to pause today and see what would happen if I stopped playing out some defense scenario in my head. I just started tearing up. It’s always there. It’s always lying under the surface, waiting to be felt. ",4.440485232067509,6.029678512658229,5.3779113924050685,79.95690928270044,70.83544303797468,7.2919831223628675,30.25527426160337,7.793537801064563,2.163238818565401,647,27,114,8,12,212,110,158,0.20199999999999999,0.727,0.07,-0.9741,1,0,0,0,6,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,14,7,1,9,0,9,3,1,2,1,31,19,10,0,5,5,1,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,9,0,4,3,1,1,2,2,10,0,0,1,2,12,4,18,10,5,25,0,0,1,2,9,12,2,3,12,74,19,1,0.0,0.2060601578902068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894214713491046,0.0,0.0,0.11826777448003405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724763798795645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207482141144772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885651881321984,0.0,0.0,0.33648125446822724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18170356093880305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17970009386469582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16698512382450836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32156217160854084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17220262601262992,0.15379195387729092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848637692884792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993160903917875,0.17430794531474747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795269320902084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858728194089845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309752691735235,0.0,0.0,0.2908004975256188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076200556266515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141090125819813,0.0,0.16485054199002572,0.0,0.0,0.11807648022985275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349761648002676,0.0,0.0,0.1395036633841822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416924746181224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354381944751415,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,that-weird-dude,2019/04/05,Tuesday is a trauma anniversary and I found out that the person who sexually abused me has a parole hearing next month and might get out of jail I'm already having a hard time just because of the anniversary. And I got an email Wednesday letting me know about the parole hearing. I didn't even know he was eligible for that yet. I might write a victim impact statement but I don't know if I can. It's so overwhelming. I'd have to write about how I'm still messed up from the abuse basically. And I'd have to write at least a full page apparently. And that's hard. I keep crying just thinking about it. But I don't want him released. And I just don't know what to do. ,1.8985618729096991,3.9088096811594255,3.428260869565218,89.39081939799334,79.0,6.275139353400222,22.93422519509476,7.321109707123232,0.8015589743589739,528,17,113,7,13,174,81,138,0.17800000000000002,0.8220000000000001,0.0,-0.9627,1,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,11,4,1,1,10,0,15,0,0,1,0,29,29,11,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,7,8,0,1,7,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,4,12,0,14,22,3,12,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,3,7,77,19,0,0.0,0.4023336797349432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18736139045182326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349904026026707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18650027365212826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214104466003166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861599136908112,0.0,0.0,0.08870538074838177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579215500428718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041870815981311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827188864454853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091224277192536,0.0,0.0,0.37323642950870056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361612924424485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602289949499969,0.0,0.0,0.1355203483459652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056771564427326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824925493933205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559010129401244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879103617550967,0.0,0.0,0.09900269291792807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014328249592527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jordan889,2019/04/05,"Nightmares and screaming awake. I am seeing health care professionals for PTSD and Bipolar I disorder. I have previously had a suicide attempt in early '17 which led to me ""blacking out"" for 4 days (still have no idea how I woke up in a hospital). Prior to the attempt, my stress and depression were high. I started using marijuana to help me cope, after the attempt. It helped for a short while, but I ended up using too much & too often, and got another manic episode->psych hospital. After the mania was treated, I was instructed to stay away from weed. Now, however, I will have nightmares which result in me screaming my s.o. awake, at night. Usually there will be an antagonizing force in my dream. This antagonist usually causes a sound or vibration that feels real, & scares me awake. I have guessed in the past that the sound may be a memory of when I was blacked out. This is because I have heard that semi-conscious people may still hear/remember sounds. I also get nightmares about death/dying quite often. These nightmares do not scare me awake so much, as the antagonizing ones do. Any thoughts on this matter? Cheers.",5.252221587664192,7.503282611650487,5.51840662478584,77.08121930325531,69.97087378640775,8.342204454597374,30.078812107367217,9.007467420416297,2.7585948600799544,902,37,152,18,17,286,131,206,0.151,0.778,0.071,-0.955,1,0,0,0,0,1,42.0,0,0,0,4,13,9,0,3,12,0,20,2,0,6,0,25,32,12,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,4,2,6,0,0,10,6,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,6,0,1,9,10,20,3,25,17,2,32,0,1,3,0,3,14,0,6,16,111,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063379076518033,0.0,0.2997917224650403,0.0,0.09407878642539816,0.14506593518330507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299789111237524,0.0,0.0,0.08433332806493155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105111166825268,0.1421175815202584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892205511727979,0.0,0.119155639517963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855441585989696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225318807536108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995097418649125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227912410555756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064647872891337,0.0,0.15240171133290795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705339407655854,0.15592394541093646,0.0,0.18545837537029386,0.14616822179460548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561737399107311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20339778077359527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982664124005666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374559674483816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13206517378211596,0.0959104352565914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171694313233867,0.0,0.0,0.14714606455378507,0.0,0.15746596423768666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567169873560701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770133170385615,0.0,0.11024239998018494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979207226589638,0.14745648860320898,0.22096368171203265,0.0,0.15847279077603554,0.0,0.0,0.15132607875310675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10982982572668194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389699058871298,0.30473313830722243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheLiDl,2019/04/05,"Can PTSD be caused by mental abuse? Is it possible that mental abuse as a child can cause PTSD? If so what arr the general side effects of this form of PTSD? I'm trying to learn more about my mental health. All help aporeciated 😊",0.9361594202898544,3.4759210217391328,2.27826086956522,92.38376811594203,88.78260869565219,5.67536231884058,16.36231884057971,7.1686216300943375,0.09534492753623257,181,4,38,3,6,58,39,46,0.17300000000000001,0.775,0.052000000000000005,-0.8042,0,0,0,0,2,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,3,1,7,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,22,5,1,0.0,0.4029393318362215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493559625762306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807446323254336,0.0,0.0,0.11397426791293437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5140811598280931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169461863723228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5963031919963078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544603900269765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nyeh_its_okeh,2019/04/05,"A question I've had for years So I have this memory of something happening to me when I was little. And I have no idea if that actually happened and is a legitimate memory or if I only dreamt it? Maybe I suppressed it so much that it feels like it was only a dream. But it's kind of impossible that I would dream about such a thing when I was so little. And I didn't really think about it for years, but then one day I just remembered and started recollecting memories. I cannot get myself to talk about it with my therapist. And I'm not sure if this is the right subreddit to post this to, but well I do show signs of ptsd. 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I’m afraid to sleep each night lately because I’ll wake up in a sweat on full alert. Even my hamsters noises have started sounding terrifying and that honestly is wild because they and my actual fear don’t actually sound the same at all and I know it’s all in my head (not that that makes it less valid or terrifying) I’ve had attacks at work and had to hide in the bathroom to ride it out. (Time off as much as I need isn’t an option) Anyway, exhausted me woke my ass up this morning. I showered, even did my makeup and hair instead of letting it air dry. I cleaned (half of) my room too!! I’ve made such a mess of my house just from not having energy or focus to put things away, but this morning I did!! And I played with my hamster a little and said sorry to him for being annoyed at him for drinking water and spooking me since it’s not his fault. He doesn’t know any of this is even happening but honestly he’s the sweetest and has helped me emotionally a lot, he deserves love not me being scared of sleeping in the same room lol I’m having coffee, heading to work, and I think I’ll finish up tonight!! I’m pulling my shit together on my own which a few years ago wouldn’t have been possible! 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TW TW I've gone through kinda intense sexual trauma, and never ended up metabolising it because I've always refused to talk about it, which I guess is a me problem. I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar to the following. When I'm around people, it doesn't matter where or how many people, I am completely sex and touch repulsed. I hate thinking about it, if anyone touches me without asking I flip my shit, and I don't even let my family touch me. When I get intrusive thoughts about sex I have to leave the room some times. However there are certain times, only when I am completely alone, where completely shift from that and resort to touching myself, fantasising etc. After I'm done with those episodes, I feel super gross and awful about myself. I have to curl up and try not to think about it, and when it comes up in my head later, I cringe even worse than I normally do. I just don't understand, Its like I will become two completely different people and it really gets to me a lot obviously. 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This happened about 4-5 years ago and she sill has trust issues and emotional issues because of it. I am new to relationships, I've only had one long term relationship before this for two years and it ended abruptly and suddenly. Because of that I also am insecure with relationships and I was not sure if she actually liked me for a while. She does but she has a hard time showing it, and I've accepted that because I really like her. She has a hard time expressing herself to me which is fine but a little frustrating because I don't have much of a filter and I say what I feel to her. She refuses to get help. She won't see a therapist and she won't take medication because she doesn't want to depend on it her whole life. She saw a therapist initially but it made the anxiety and depression worse leading to a suicide attempt, so she won't try again. I keep telling her she needs to talk to someone if not me, or try meds but she won't budge. Also, occasionally she will get very defensive with me about seemingly very random things, which does tend to lead to fights because it makes me upset and then she gets upset because of that. What should I do when this happens? She also never apologizes for doing it, which is also a little frustrating because it makes me feel bad, like I did something to upset her(enter, insecurity). All of this being said, I have a few questions. How do I help her get help? What can I do? Will she ever open up to me? I see glimpses of her true self every now and then but I want to know everything about her, and it's frustrating that I can't. If anyone would like to share experiences of dating someone with ptsd I'd love to hear them. Or if you suffer from ptsd I'd love to hear firsthand about these questions or the troubles we are having. I really want to make this work and I do really like her. Besides all of this, she really Is my dream girl and I find her incredibly attractive. Ps. Please excuse or point out any blatant typos or errors, I'm on mobile. 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My husband has PTSD. It all started in 2011, when he watched his buddy (more like a son to him) get murdered in a drive by. His buddy was shot 20+ times, mostly in his face. The bullets barely missed my husband. He still suffers from survivor's guilt. We have been together for 6 years. Before we married, I educated myself on PTSD, and how to work together to help him with his ""otherside"". He's had a handful of minor setbacks over the years, but I am so proud of his progress! He went from self medicating with pain pills and alcohol, to occasionally using cbd products, to calm his mind. The downfall- last summer, we came up on a terrible car accident, where the car was crushed, out of control grass fire, and the woman had passed away. He ran over and pulled her out of the car, and carried her body to safety. He's been mentally declining ever since. His paranoia is at an all time high, negative thoughts have come back, and he claims he's seen her ghost. In January, his ""otherside"" had convinced him that I was against him, planning to leave him, get him committed. I became his enemy. It broke my heart, but I went above and beyond to reassure him that I am in this for the long haul, and that our wedding vows are a promise I would never break, no matter what his ""otherside"" thinks. Lately, hes been deep in delusional thoughts, sees dark and evil spirits, vivid hallucinations, doubts, mistrust, extremely selfish behavior, etc. He doesn't trust therapists. He has pushed away everyone that loves and cares for him, including me. It's such a devastating situation and feeling. I'm starting to feel like I'm in a losing battle with his ""otherside"". I feel like I've exhausted all of my options and ideas. I feel helpless. I'm begging for any advice! Please help me get my husband back. 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I just wanted to share this with anyone reading that was in the same boat of PTSD with me and tired of living a miserable life. I got a new therapist in the last few months and today we got to the root of why I have PTSD to begin with. She had me write what I'm grateful for in the present, some characteristics about myself, and I am ____ statements. After that, I had to start a conscious stream of the years of abuse I lived. At the end of the session, I looked at the paper o wrote and realized I SURVIVED THAT SHIT AND I'M STRONGER THAN EVER. This isn't who I am, but it is part of my story. Like any book, you move on to the next chapter and add new stories. I'm writing this to share that while it may seem horrible on a lot of days, find your little success and enjoy the ""rush"" you get from knowing you're where you are today because you're strong. You are resilient.",4.8016244411326365,4.783437617486341,5.406378539493293,85.93269746646797,69.0,7.96602086438152,28.11177347242921,7.348242739294969,1.3669278688524584,696,21,149,6,11,225,112,183,0.073,0.785,0.142,0.9221,0,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,1,5,0,3,4,8,1,1,14,0,11,3,1,1,1,30,24,9,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,12,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,6,1,20,6,30,17,5,29,0,1,1,0,13,9,1,4,19,103,31,5,0.0,0.1747721427163106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031008697556333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314060043693077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991913899569838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951300669173484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064776962679694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334288839100976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13481908688490352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706652584528521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359502779861702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106620674659294,0.12023821463232408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418883553696832,0.07206466240512169,0.14784116156684626,0.2605034648328993,0.0,0.12386906127558743,0.0,0.0,0.1254055124789817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773899554066128,0.15677701695452406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28492712290891403,0.15687578822299747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973613450362786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448565026695064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754731278933733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428519259366925,0.0,0.0,0.15141422142770494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044064935342208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868756180051164,0.1712674549509234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953805156028698,0.4194592891687465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700368346984087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310248085432516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498992628456966 ptsd,retiredmedic99,2019/04/05,"Blog New site I created to help Ptsdsocialsupport.com ",9.6525,14.309929250000007,12.605000000000004,18.940000000000023,69.0,13.2,33.0,11.20814326018867,6.0901,46,2,6,2,1,17,8,8,0.0,0.515,0.485,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5701548443593046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8215372501923556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,inarose010501,2019/03/18,"I need help, but don’t know where to turn My trauma comes from having watched my daughter almost die multiple times in her 3 years of life. She’s medically complex and I manage her care. I have sought out help twice. The first person did more talking than I did, accused my husband of not doing enough to help, and wanted me to see a specific doctor to be prescribed a list of meds and supplements. I only talked to her once for 45 minutes. The second person told me “why can’t you just be grateful she is still alive and not focus on the negative?” I only talked to them once as well. I now also have a 2 month old and some days I feel like I can’t do anything beyond feeding them and changing their diapers. I know I need help, but I don’t even know where to start and we can’t afford anymore medical bills. I don’t know where to go.",2.239670542635661,4.010203005813956,3.6320000000000014,89.44633333333334,77.0813953488372,6.214573643410852,23.09457364341085,7.0316486544052195,0.7332731782945743,655,20,137,7,15,215,106,172,0.091,0.742,0.16699999999999998,0.9125,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,1,3,1,10,4,0,0,6,0,16,5,0,0,0,26,31,11,1,3,5,2,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,6,0,1,2,9,1,1,3,3,3,28,3,19,26,3,18,0,0,2,0,22,7,0,2,10,96,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338462753075267,0.0,0.0,0.10652324083481053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210263722248805,0.0,0.0,0.1096155938998752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581041953218426,0.0,0.14091223613322387,0.1147435053426638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590560075959805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824478689783082,0.0,0.0,0.13634000253709247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763540448397138,0.0,0.08798002715154359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735197644734774,0.09516100902521467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330330770542033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570293853468746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35713550169014324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928218771429393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408596881386172,0.06507677664968216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479596849795915,0.2683781588318901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632221202514074,0.0,0.0,0.19753824937409106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977525649331113,0.2837159589807666,0.0,0.20261538421259387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326172993001769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614639200262073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428252119335656,0.0,0.10637693655781924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211931398111865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767236017286434,0.0,0.0,0.12728219026716073,0.0,0.0,0.1448877697338374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856720739267739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976644955340195,0.0,0.1201959480415176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577904912729291 ptsd,Bluevegan,2019/03/18,"""Dramatics"" and my work day I've suffered from PTSD for about 8 years. It relates to suicide and sucks so bad- I would never wish this on my worst enemy. 8 1/2 years ago my dad killed himself and I have a lot of blame issues. I've been in therapy for years and it doesn't stop the bad times. Today, oh today- I wish I could go back in time. I'm in HR and we were having a meeting- it was announcing that an employee (insert trigger words) and I panicked. I walked out of the meeting, paced the halls, sweated and fought that horrible mind playing fight or flight. Long story short, my boss accused me of ""dramatics"" and I told me I could have handled it differently. My heart was broken. I'm broken and you just made me crumble. We ended up having a talk with our other boss and they never realized that phrase in itself was a trigger, but I have to be prepared for things like this and proceeded to question my employment. In the next breath it was ""you're not going anywhere."" The lack of support was heartbreaking. I just needed to vent. 3 years I have given my life and soul to my job and feel like I'm nothing but a body. 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Hey guys! I couldn’t find a FAQ, so if I just accidentally skipped over it I apologize, I desperately need to call a hotline tonight because I’ve been very anxious and having a lot of PTSD related relationship issues. I live in the USA and need good hotlines to call as my health insurance doesn’t kick in until June and cannot see a therapist until it kicks in. ",6.088701298701298,7.019135272727276,6.966649350649352,72.54425974025976,66.40259740259741,10.315844155844157,34.88051948051948,10.355215969177356,3.6888410389610384,324,15,60,8,5,108,57,77,0.10300000000000001,0.79,0.107,0.0863,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,5,1,0,0,0,10,8,8,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,6,3,11,6,1,8,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,2,4,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23283892019065314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563912068087926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42091057377408014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837537499139814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17287030518959634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040754209121726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21907897564166445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151190888873141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199365908904866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522229963910166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056470947317515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4818492285446906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212786258479024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423824972964393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393026966407619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005743269505755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,diabloflores,2019/03/18,"Help I don’t really want to go into too much detail, because it’s rough. But I was sexually assaulted by a male doctor while in the ER for a rape kit back when I was 18. I’m 25 now, and I still absolutely hate going to the doctors because of that experience. As a result of a lot of suppressed trauma, I have developed nervous laugh. Its really bad. I have a gynaecologist appointment next Wednesday, which I’m already anxious about. I requested a female doctor so that’s somewhat comforting. But I really don’t know what to do besides flake & wait another 3 years for an examination to be done... or potentially laugh hysterically while being examined. This has actually been a problem for a while - I laugh until I finally break down and cry because I am so uncomfortably sad and overwhelmed. I know it sounds crazy to those who don’t understand this type of history which is basically why im asking if anyone has any tips on how to ease up and train myself to NOT laugh (besides therapy, lol). I really appreciate anyone reading this or offering any bit of help. 🙏🏼 ",6.029834896810505,6.760163863414638,7.9434146341463485,66.19898686679177,66.46341463414635,11.575984990619135,34.30581613508443,11.362043627235082,4.3376153846153835,852,38,149,27,13,302,133,205,0.172,0.688,0.14,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,9,14,3,2,11,1,16,4,0,2,0,24,27,18,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,13,5,0,2,5,1,0,2,4,9,1,0,4,2,14,5,24,21,4,20,0,2,0,1,7,5,0,5,12,102,27,5,0.0,0.0,0.13534632265717628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305339228378828,0.0,0.0,0.1502759852699191,0.0,0.18863472555982455,0.14543381091061008,0.0,0.15668588321096874,0.0,0.19395755146973048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966111179728285,0.0,0.0,0.10664790147356186,0.1158045399639225,0.2536415721256635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141902910752547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234995574850174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4258806589003344,0.0,0.14193314899663062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567033315848473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519336039762403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576471406967686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693260815003122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859286831281968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498144108646568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244630049563052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791353762819835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195679072170316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750371647885865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271239329473686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873254272965874,0.0,0.3554062992975691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107620140579989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586098311994648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443863966379804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180591029706419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515067379716244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893150390747986 ptsd,veggiemo,2019/03/18,Can’t afford therapy. How to stay sane? Hi I’ve had c-ptsd for many years. I was going to a great therapist for a couple years and it helped but I can no longer afford it. I can already feel myself starting to unravel because I used to go to her every week. I work full time and also go to school full time. I am 20 yrs old and pay for all my living expenses and bills by myself (And where I’m from that’s rather rare). Can anyone else here give me some advice on how to stay sane? Can anyone else not afford therapy? Do you have any good advice on how to stay afloat? ,1.197272727272729,2.8907196363636416,3.13305785123967,92.1923140495868,79.9090909090909,6.052892561983472,17.611570247933887,6.980632752743323,-0.05414710743801665,440,8,99,5,11,148,79,121,0.038,0.898,0.064,0.6072,3,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,4,1,15,18,10,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,2,1,12,2,15,16,4,18,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,7,61,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726400369445985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394424056474226,0.1115599270029739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486633761309213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19508648267946466,0.28587315342840314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503929819064515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435662510013662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23307251733701856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753669189075965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053654692710698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382330346501786,0.2378470903810643,0.11700789811053808,0.0,0.15380176182188893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350544112835267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318307355390125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414334213537323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638418141442833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163070706031216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14118376020451098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874043541632456,0.44607262367799694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190660415396736,0.16197290515227472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268980859248855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048518392206375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190031846841914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155932502545513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966979569960867 ptsd,JupiterRabbit,2019/03/18,"Suicidal intrusive thoughts Hey, just to open this I am okay and have no plans of harming myself. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD from abuse I experienced in my childhood, I’m 25 now. I left my abuser’s how about 11 years ago mid- March. I am on Prozac and have therapy monthly. Yesterday I was taking a bath and was overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts of drowning myself. It scared me so bad I ended up crying in bed for a hour until my husband came home (i texted him immediately for him to come home) and feeling so emotionally drained for the rest of the day. I was just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and what helped them not have intrusive thoughts like these. If you need anymore info let me know!! Also I’m okay and I have no plans of harming myself. My next therapy session is this weekend. 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I have to have water with me at all times. This was drilled into my head, while in the Navy. Invariably:m, The first thought to coalesce in my weary brain is this: ""I hope I'm too tired to dream."" followed promptly by the thought: ""I hope HE isn't in my dreams, again. Living through the actual event, in person, the first time was horrendous enough."" These are the thoughts I have almost every night, as I steel myself against whatever horrors my brain can cook up, while I'm unconscious. ""It's just a dream."", ""This too shall pass."", ""Think happy thoughts at bedtime."", & ""It's all mind-over-matter"" are the idioms spewed by those who mean well, but have no grasp of what it means to have an INCURABLE & life-long mental illness brought on by trauma/ or tragedy, that causes paranoia, jealousy, distrust, night terrors, anxiety, agoraphobia, sleep paralysis, insomnia, etc. Go to therapy... Take a pill... Meditate... REPEAT... Do any Vets find these methods helpful? SOME DO, but a lot of us don't... ""You have PTSD? You served in the military?"" -Yes, BUT, not all PTSD stems from having served in the military... ""Did you even serve in combat theater?"" -Yes, however, I was not on the front lines. ""If you never saw battle; how can you have PTSD?"" -I was stalked and harrassed for 3 years by a fellow shipmate, then I was raped by him. ""OH."" I was processed out of the United States Navy, 13 years ago, on a medical discharge. ***Honorable Discharge: but cannot reenlist*** I felt like a failure. Like a loser. Like I was weak and inadequate. I felt as though I had let my family down, disgraced them even... I had mental instability that I had not yet found a clear, succinct reason for. I had anger, bitterness, resentment, distrust, anxiety, depression, and so much more. I was overwhelmed and undiagnosed. Over the course of the next 7 years; I was misdiagnosed: -bipolar (manic-depressive) -borderline personality disorder -acute generalized depression -chronic depression -obsessive compulsive disorder -panic disorder -generalized anxiety disorder I was prescribed a few different medications to treat these misdiagnosed conditions. SURPRISE! Nothing worked. Well... Paxil worked, but I felt lifeless... Zombie-ish, even. I myself had never even considered PTSD as a diagnosis, because: 1) I, like so many people, thought PTSD was something WAR vets got. 2) I'm neither a psychiatrist nor a psychologist; so, I blindly figured my case was cut and dry amd that if I was diagnosed with something -- it was what I actually suffered from. Never in a million years would I have guessed that so many mental illnesses, developmental disorders, (and learning disabled even) had various overlapping symptoms, that made it quite difficult for even the most knowledgeable Mental Health physicians to properly diagnose. Then I saw an article on Facebook about victims (I prefer the term SURVIVORS) of sexual assault/ trauma having PTSD. This was my AH HAH moment, and I felt giddy with anticipation of possibly being properly diagnosed; once and for all. I repeatedly mentioned to my Dr. ALL of the symptoms I had been experiencing, and also made a point to express concern that I might have PTSD, while trying to remain respectful of my Doctor's advice and years of study and experience in the field. It took a couple years BUT I was tentatively diagnosed with PTSD and my meds were replaced with an antipsychotic and a sleeping pill. This latest change in medicine seemed to work on my most worrisome symptoms -- HOWEVER, one of the meds made my face, arms, and hands constantly tingle while the drug was still in my system. Which, btw, made it difficult if not impossible to fall asleep. I once again went back to the Dr., my antipsychotic was changed, and I was also given an antihistamine that was supposed to help me fall asleep faster. The hope was to get me to fall asleep, stay asleep, and NOT have night terrors. While falling asleep was easier now, staying asleep was NOT, because the dreams persisted. I've since then added an indica/sativa marijuana blend to my medicine regime, to help with sleep. Some nights, I forget to smoke, and I have terrible night terrors. Other nights; I smoke and feel okay. On those nights, I sleep deeper and less fitfully; HOWEVER, I still have weird dreams. Smoking MJ has reduced the incidences of me waking up screaming and/ or crying, and shaking. There are still nights where I end up waking up from the vivid horrors in my dreams, and stay up, with all the lights on. I'm a work in progress. 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Can anyone relate? I've always had issues with very particular things because of abusive situations, but I got really bad after my husband assaulted me. Now I dissociate really bad (like a lot) and I spend most of my time scared. Scared of being attacked or hurt emotionally even. And it's enough that I have full meltdowns that leave me in bed for the rest of the day/night on anxiety meds. I was only diagnosed a couple of weeks ago. Can anyone relate? Does anyone have similar issues, and if so what are other symptoms of PTSD that may not be in the diagnostic manual?",4.6799099099099095,6.696893747747751,6.44162162162162,70.84639639639641,70.98198198198199,9.618018018018018,26.74774774774775,9.994966539143718,2.995601801801802,470,16,79,13,9,162,81,111,0.293,0.7070000000000001,0.0,-0.9904,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,2,5,0,10,2,0,0,0,11,11,7,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,0,3,0,9,1,12,5,5,10,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,5,7,58,16,0,0.0,0.17479911796852576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077658738367598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122756913395971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112860170321789,0.0,0.0,0.3094695590998856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678368577175323,0.0,0.0,0.2463630462977404,0.08993301758879496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323931847317028,0.0,0.09514474979248204,0.0,0.0,0.1497400092093106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910463918274673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659515755265595,0.0,0.15243809491375224,0.0,0.09744228078323676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799334789686115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793408999170236,0.0,0.0,0.3079663197218259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15621314016051374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207578524434517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542486822570262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387275197752266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248555003022184,0.0,0.13844706331459616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220333636314736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449097296368764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18902319934009826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29540685853614324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583008365275845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533403268793259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801248437370552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860260240204774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172783447375285,0.0,0.0,0.11833979728350047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Snowwhite9202,2019/03/18,"27yr old F army vet My brain has been off this week. I have a tough time saying the things I have flashbacks of durning the day. Today it’s been this oddly removed thought of the things I know that most people don’t. I know belt nooses cinch too tight to loosen and you have to cut the strap to drop the body. I know the heat of blood when it pours out too fast and sprays on you. I know how to keep calm when your water boarded with self talk of keeping your heart rate low breathing calm and steady as to reserve your energy and oxygen. I know when someone bigger than you is mounted to remain calm and to try psych warefare to appeal to what little human is in them. Also know that when that fails to claw to get their dna under my nails Incase I die. I know the game of light and sound deprivation and that it’s intent is to drive me mad and to keep my baring I engaged my other senses as much as possible (touch, smell, hot, cold etc) I know things other people would never know. I know how to thrive in pure chaos. I have never had to live my entire life I have functioned under survival. Tonight nothing in the world is wrong with my current situation and I have everything to be grateful for but thanks to my ptsd I am pulled away from my hard earned award back into the worst moments of my life on repeat.",3.8965037593984975,4.964186469924815,4.15421052631579,90.21447368421049,71.5187969924812,6.351879699248119,22.646616541353367,6.05967700443912,0.28335639097744325,1035,23,217,5,19,322,156,266,0.096,0.8340000000000001,0.07,-0.6059,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,6,2,4,10,14,2,0,10,0,18,8,5,3,3,37,34,20,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,15,13,1,4,11,1,0,3,3,8,0,0,4,9,34,6,42,28,4,36,0,3,0,0,13,15,0,1,17,145,49,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230823199456824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844899555036183,0.08875748983856899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821518402842405,0.0,0.12885652322837385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444191579607268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979669188617505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287334322410934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037398078375883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030669391471179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034013780673762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678347977851954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30779480419496,0.0,0.0,0.6343655515117027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630613069719061,0.0,0.11568980930198118,0.10192559314882274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485332286353553,0.0,0.1780513475060551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075688155674812,0.0,0.12112292775144795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600473534737066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13012843443949634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492988896852054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179347783830537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041723290388393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974661398194948,0.0,0.0,0.09780230180375278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927771587132872,0.0,0.1062711722061053,0.0,0.0,0.23005695399772216,0.0,0.0,0.09163743701614482,0.06730736115624658,0.0,0.10941284249388003,0.0,0.0,0.07836846138123275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925898827199264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199718542096804,0.12620308427279606,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BassesLee,2019/03/18,"Does anyone else not show outward signs of an episode? Often times I'll dissociate and be about 20% present. My mouth is great at keeping light conversation on autopilot. Or I'll forget who I'm cuddling with for a few minutes. In the first case, I only really tell partners whom might touch me suddenly. In the second I just leave it be, I'd ask for cuddles and grounding, but I don't see the point in messing with the moment. ",4.522142857142857,5.745219309523812,5.3223809523809535,81.83928571428571,70.19047619047619,7.980952380952381,30.66666666666667,8.344100000000001,2.2488952380952383,338,14,65,5,6,110,68,84,0.033,0.934,0.033,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,6,0,5,3,1,0,0,13,9,4,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,3,5,1,11,6,1,13,0,0,1,2,6,8,0,3,5,40,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19798045718222207,0.29011388608031097,0.0,0.0,0.26470086880208377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477807080356111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23652998867589686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24084164172445946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121666114710676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516708743661195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998079907775376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300370415500709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21534332386511068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26766204451332304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813889201198632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225628640776356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474798222635403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16510320059924655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,smokeygroves,2019/10/26,"Anyone recovering from/helping a loved one recover from a random act of violence? About a month ago, my partner was hit in the face with a baseball bat while working delivering a pizza. It was still daylight (around 5PM). The business is only open nights so he had maybe $20 on him, which they didn’t get any of. He’s not from this small town, he doesn’t know anyone or have any enemies. This was some kid deciding to take drastic action at random (at least to us). Since this event, he’s been suffering with PTSD and I’ve been doing anything and everything to be supportive for him. If you or someone you love has been through a random, violent crime, what helped moved forward? What helped keep the positivity? What helped you go into public again and trust that the strangers around you won’t act against you?",4.628010752688169,6.376334935483875,4.825564516129036,83.47168010752691,70.61290322580646,8.005376344086022,28.400537634408607,8.59863814320734,2.0712473118279564,645,24,123,11,12,202,110,155,0.113,0.7859999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,5,1,1,6,6,1,0,10,0,15,4,1,0,0,20,24,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,9,9,1,1,2,0,0,6,4,2,0,1,8,0,10,4,20,13,2,23,0,1,0,2,21,11,0,7,8,78,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15358635778448196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356482777119173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24229771489537955,0.0,0.1425799084379476,0.3084799254004965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15571676309422225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905222726459531,0.0,0.0984688187213444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4645356132215335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15400327545588835,0.0,0.0,0.09522029427173448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127515386041033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406502231985302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829611933965796,0.1841501445370379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259470158876918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740685257199066,0.1317736003672015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20253407050584413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332416239375945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680437700335194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836730098983205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661572684406708,0.0,0.0,0.13027150268309218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084129190538534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613683963135586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,skypekiller,2019/10/26,"PTSD affecting my work I have severe CPTSD and have been going to therapy as long as I can remember. Recently, I started therapy up again with a new therapist and I’ve started having panic attacks everyday. They’ve been so severe that my mother has had to drive me to the hospital because they wouldn’t stop. I told my manager I needed a short break from work and it’s been two weeks. I’m scheduled tomorrow but the thought has had me up for hours crying. I know as soon as I get there that it won’t be as bad as I think, but it’s not clicking in my head. I’ve been suicidal for the past three days and I can’t talk to anyone. I feel so much pressure to go back to this job that I really don’t have any strong opinions about from my dad (my abuser) because I also don’t want to let him down. Whenever I miss work I feel like I have to hurt or punish myself in some way and it makes things worse. I feel like I’m being backed into a corner and there’s no way out. I don’t know what to do and no one knows how bad things really are with me. I’m sorry for the rambling but my thoughts are all over the place. I don’t even know what I’m asking or looking for, I just need to say something",2.0621484374999994,3.225117792968753,3.8754375,90.07581250000004,76.1484375,7.307500000000001,22.95625,7.908726449838941,0.9326600000000004,929,26,212,14,20,314,137,256,0.205,0.743,0.052000000000000005,-0.9907,1,0,1,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,1,4,13,11,2,2,8,0,27,1,1,3,1,40,54,22,1,4,7,2,3,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,12,11,0,1,11,0,0,3,10,8,0,3,9,6,32,3,33,40,3,34,0,2,2,0,8,11,0,4,19,145,44,5,0.0,0.1324196360437997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937599153807609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600195890707212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814655447331037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044823370820668,0.12714535331747168,0.0,0.17187608275759433,0.1866331209477996,0.13625809553081586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276525482705672,0.07207721231904288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381771433719307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953060092395442,0.15968551971830358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058391006398300326,0.0,0.1270337841931798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470000466702432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100630086372114,0.0,0.11964347966204053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090649084559152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456857809487377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428416662011537,0.0,0.10920248752451699,0.0,0.0,0.09890580936157042,0.09385189056030052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460196988941273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215789320583293,0.16574014051904082,0.0,0.1079403883485266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07573279016699422,0.0,0.0,0.1311285686035128,0.0,0.0,0.10668942800195394,0.0,0.0,0.11676745108677898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306437395030344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319513480015025,0.0,0.11035144318215467,0.0,0.1266045033703864,0.0,0.0,0.0888775889349686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25251838486846684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860398097876898,0.0,0.1251083536414629,0.15821136777904346,0.0,0.0,0.0934379950932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224943428752685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983002244668094,0.0,0.0,0.2556190613855198,0.12976423872974924,0.14849934781537788,0.07161254521212111,0.0,0.17745300973390712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679333327744582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917518611617706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592009413220452,0.1774228686345128,0.08964869541618506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440920934049865,0.0,0.11389497577966012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kodi_Boi,2019/10/26,"DAE feel like parts of their bodies are off limits or like your body isn't yours to touch? I suffer from 6-8 years of sexual abuse and I recently got my nipples pierces to celebrate my sexual freedom (which has been very, VERY hard for me. sex was not liberating for me in any manner and it was, and still can be, very hard for me to cope with my PTSD). but now that I have them pierced, they are almost like a trigger for me? When I clean them or move the actual piercing I feel as though I'm triggering a body memory. my body gets tense and I feel really...gross. I'm not sure how to describe it but some inner part of me feels like I should not touch myself or I should not be doing what I am doing. I'm not a prude by any manner, despite my sexual abuse I found ways to cope and help myself over come all the years of feeling like a prisoner in my body. it's always going to be a work in progress but I felt confident in my body and in myself. now I feel like ever time I touch my nipples I'm reliving a body memory and a suppressed memory is JUST out of reach and I can feel it coming back to me every time I clean my piercings. has anyone else experienced something similar? what do body memories feel like for you guys? also, please be kind about my piercings. like I said before it took A LOT for me to get to where I am. and I'm finally feeling like I have control over my body again. getting them was to celebrate myself and my progress. I do not regret my decision and I hope that you can all see my reasoning behind this. thank you.",2.6913750000000007,4.010629137500004,4.2995000000000045,87.03550000000004,74.8125,7.870000000000001,23.1125,8.488131031819089,1.2761287499999994,1204,33,260,22,25,404,152,320,0.069,0.6990000000000001,0.231,0.9953,0,0,1,0,2,0,30.0,0,5,5,5,13,15,0,0,10,0,27,11,9,5,4,59,55,22,0,4,13,0,15,9,0,2,0,1,2,1,11,15,0,4,13,0,0,5,7,2,0,0,9,18,55,13,36,40,6,30,0,2,1,2,13,11,0,7,22,180,66,1,0.0,0.15975427704068015,0.06578845788045498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750755689178127,0.0,0.0,0.05391268749687764,0.05609565476997964,0.0,0.0,0.09169061599639776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047138954184160746,0.06907583394224344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183887405573576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05736619598426436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6739575116504507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11614612355680015,0.0,0.0,0.07561296815659366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05631756011711225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060981786210638426,0.056801031602991235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30678877464125,0.2889727556873618,0.0647300963132976,0.07385111992391938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391835166577036,0.0,0.0,0.10566650035670797,0.0,0.03831416351803487,0.0,0.053918870438083744,0.0,0.0,0.06675260832764256,0.0,0.0,0.1207832944481264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04518763826975418,0.0,0.0,0.06695946922649194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020356769285395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964252219319169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731481765808333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165272053916133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601028681282166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740027109313615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880589608060416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931505181324449,0.06656533559769691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412821665578156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372195979122213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051900262000431685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383864115071811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353894321788958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206775249916777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623604560015117,0.0,0.07862182277458696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490184641159935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16687620410862286,0.0,0.053511818481012434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04907977532420962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08682760744297219 ptsd,newhere616,2019/10/26,"Ex combat medic husband had dream and held my arm for a solid 10 minutes tightly while screaming...I'm pregnant and was scared Not sure if this is the place for this... I am sorry if not. Quick Background: my husband is in the Army. He is in the national guard now, where we met actually. He did 13 years active duty. He was deployed 2 times to Iraq and 1 time to Saudi Arabia and this was before he became an officer and he was a medic. He has never really opened up about anything that happened. I mean nothing bad.. sometimes he will tell lighthearted stories about his buddies and he has mentioned before some that he had lost and memories of them. But we don't really go into detail because I don't want to bring back anything or talk about anything he isn't ready to. If he wanted to talk to me about anything i would listen. We have been together for 5 years (lived together 3) and during this time span he has only had maybe 2 other dreams like this where he talked or I could tell it was a nightmare. I am pregnant and last night I was awoken by him grabbing my arm, not in like a super aggresive way, more like a ""dont leave, stay here"" way. He was mainly saying things that didn't make sense to me, but it became clear this was some kind of flashback dream as he was saying ""stay with me, we will be there soon"" and other panicky things that like I said didnt really make sense. I wasn't watching the clock...but this probably went on for maybe 7 minutes? I couldn't get lose no matter how hard I tried, he just kept grabbing my arm tighter and screaming things while being over me. Being pregnant, I was absolutely terrified things were going to escalate and he was going to hurt me.. I knew not to wake him up (things I have read have said never do that because it could hurt yourself or the person). I didnt even bring it up to him today... I dont know if I should talk to him about it, or if that would just bring back something...idk. was seeking if someone else has advice on what I should do, suggest, etc. This is very rare, like I said this is maybe the 3rd one. But again, being pregnant.. and soon having a child in the room..I just don't know what to do.. thanks in advance.",4.175992424242423,4.993030675000004,4.745909090909091,87.159696969697,70.6590909090909,7.2303030303030305,26.03030303030303,7.1686216300943375,1.094789393939394,1707,50,352,15,30,545,202,440,0.08199999999999999,0.8320000000000001,0.086,-0.3787,0,0,1,0,0,0,66.0,4,0,1,4,21,16,0,1,14,0,59,6,4,3,4,68,85,30,0,15,20,3,4,5,0,6,2,7,0,2,29,20,0,5,4,4,0,8,18,7,0,1,31,12,38,9,39,41,5,49,0,4,1,0,47,18,0,12,24,236,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.08213918272987847,0.0,0.0,0.08225135616929341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27706369018113536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294452822199452,0.07027963584307842,0.10262025610401207,0.0,0.14324739038667747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344080901305859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729659960456952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031443676284586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387340436226103,0.055594441715812536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043976102905455824,0.0,0.1435097057937853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443252565586378,0.0,0.07540107651876425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021453296060533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765160121994403,0.09251684336205812,0.06861095711586243,0.0,0.08912540065864066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560956751422355,0.0,0.074324922857673,0.0,0.0,0.09416631018344382,0.09188306887297808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123701784630322,0.0,0.2536845720958774,0.0916873729323123,0.0,0.16958773930902138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983640574717742,0.0,0.0,0.07898919370833159,0.0,0.08076476597631466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05703674553891532,0.06401617238041729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349525401803943,0.08794123892938151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907510476826476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419421713226657,0.0,0.16176713774833978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24019894107878345,0.13387301360528533,0.08427029441086413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131818724128504,0.0,0.0832477055729637,0.0942230349060961,0.0,0.17943110952539318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933058526650955,0.0,0.0,0.2706152577106215,0.14713909563893954,0.07749375237562198,0.0,0.0,0.27959882025223265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724312916346305,0.0,0.0797846824018241,0.0,0.0,0.05714688202137706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945025244121072,0.09929299122953784,0.13362274107129654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07802776736538411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958595074470067,0.0,0.0,0.10840729428125524 ptsd,plantessi,2019/10/26,"TW: Bullying. I feel like my trauma is irrelevant in comparison to others. I've diagnosed PTSD. I still don't know much about it, I'm taking my meds and about to start therapy. The psychiatrist said the cause of my PTSD is most likely the bullying I experienced throughout the years. I was indeed bullied from age 8 to 15. First the kids at school just wouldn't talk to me, then I was spit and thrown rocks on, I couldn't go to a bath or they'd come after me and start recording while I did my thing. I still don't want to go too deep into that, sorry. I've social anxiety due to that and I fear crowded places. I experience paranoia, like people looking at me, judging me and talking/thinking the worst of me. I can't talk publicly and I barely ever argue. I fear getting laughed at daily. I don't like certain touch. Yet I still feel like I'm not as valid as others. People experience PTSD after much worse events like war, rape, abuse and such and I could easily go on with my life if I wasn't so crazy about it. Just suck it in and move on. But I can't.",2.4933078491335365,4.061882866972482,4.12691131498471,87.04589194699287,75.83486238532109,7.046279306829766,23.120285423037714,7.793537801064563,0.988005300713558,827,24,177,12,18,277,121,218,0.23399999999999999,0.6779999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9872,0,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,0,1,1,13,16,4,2,7,0,15,4,1,1,2,29,32,17,1,5,6,0,3,6,0,1,2,1,1,1,8,12,0,0,3,2,0,5,9,8,0,1,5,6,29,8,27,23,4,32,0,0,1,1,9,11,1,3,22,115,37,1,0.0,0.14047250724819332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069697420563906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179230000097399,0.0,0.10212770190201292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465936329060698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033444317943788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724300549775392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23194604337283325,0.0,0.2668226834091862,0.11989354086027852,0.16939651849398984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008458509202328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619419544908091,0.0,0.20213868619461547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515668422786677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374141741172192,0.34753034395671994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995593310090944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169183350278027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600898694846308,0.17430836685029605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438715574863147,0.0,0.12386846172659186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41576583788980376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127763405883538,0.0,0.0,0.11998759267575022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085552190780775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271660184821069,0.16783271855344206,0.0,0.2840430584785399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891412826344474,0.1905857598803996,0.0,0.0,0.1355820463113828,0.0,0.07876503944417987,0.0759675383267471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992891067699976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082130180035515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634782580982387 ptsd,DeeDeeeMegaDodo,2019/10/26,"Repressed Memories I’m 26 years, and I’ve been recently diagnosed with PTSD. I have had terrible childhood, physical and emotional abuse was the norm in our household, my mom was a cunt. Sexual abuse at the hands of different strangers outside of the house. But the thing is, currently all of this is like a puzzle, I know a couple of pieces here and there, they come at me every once in a while. But I’m pretty sure there’s a lot that’s missing. I think I’m strong enough now to deal with all of this trauma, I dealt with my parents abuse and I’m ready to deal with the other traumas I endured. My question is, what methods can I use to to uncover any repressed memories? I hear psychedelics could work, so I plan on trying those. But what else? Do you guys have recommendations? Thanks in advance!",2.496346153846151,4.947846647435898,3.416346153846156,87.93490384615384,79.3205128205128,6.976923076923077,25.775641025641022,8.07648339933343,1.7019948717948716,631,25,125,12,16,201,99,156,0.19399999999999998,0.6990000000000001,0.107,-0.9492,3,0,1,0,3,0,20.0,1,1,1,4,5,11,1,2,10,0,12,2,1,1,3,24,23,9,0,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,9,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,4,2,15,4,19,18,5,14,0,1,0,0,10,6,1,3,7,82,23,1,0.0,0.5372695680022113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278822902019903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302036660810931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068220374883568,0.16724630180503813,0.0,0.0,0.3116611971909285,0.0,0.15341562931497812,0.0,0.15792118620373993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626771462423125,0.17002513576469191,0.0,0.15617994406611496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273516898440556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966378659179105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035876864059502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744085808124048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306893230884675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384500648838539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850363234382606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702685443575086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609714548753355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678358953265542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377545406456591,0.0,0.0,0.1766880592184784,0.0,0.16932431517023508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924390867853446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245853572274925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391600283044043,0.0,0.0,0.10041836547437273,0.09685180229345264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026219724276122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054639812312904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004011984133616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733663474869438 ptsd,thatsnotmyname196,2019/10/26,"I don’t know if I can get past this I was talking with my therapist and we were addressing a sexual assault that happened in the past, she asked me did I ever cry about being raped. I told her, “No.” She feels like I can’t heal and move on without allowing myself to feel the pain and emotions that I felt during the attack and afterwards. I can’t force myself to feel. In truth I feel nothing when I think about what happened.",2.9204926108374387,4.459415827586209,4.1766830870279135,87.25448275862068,74.63218390804597,7.270279146141214,25.072249589490966,7.957251820313856,1.36156288998358,335,11,69,5,7,110,60,87,0.22399999999999998,0.723,0.053,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,4,6,3,0,4,0,8,3,0,1,2,18,20,6,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,5,5,18,2,9,14,0,9,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,6,51,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833508634719315,0.22312106494030096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215434647668845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22061478487832092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740673924580838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966677741254012,0.14011209330682375,0.18831123244477732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246747671536352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468662562439882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778544330498767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581701051143328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845036360588254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818770264595425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869135528701646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744479553921129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763824433181536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277168168643605,0.0,0.1256692984360779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874063159028077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905797908804345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Gadsden13,2019/10/26,How do I calm down when I make eye contact? Whenever I make eye contact in public and someone's eyes grow big I get a rush of adrenaline. How do I calm down?,-0.2794117647058805,1.8166284117647078,2.301470588235297,93.70161764705885,88.41176470588232,5.752941176470588,23.20588235294117,7.1686216300943375,0.8988470588235291,122,5,28,2,4,42,23,34,0.0,0.8340000000000001,0.166,0.6072,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,3,4,0,5,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,4,5,0,7,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,0,1,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137371752476619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8016786400755296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5088028526986338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,penniwysee,2019/10/26,"The most painful part for me ... I don't have anyone. At least not in my immediate irl life. I currently live with my mom but she really doesn't get my issues and as much as I hate to say it, is not a healthy person to be around And of course I know you can't always count on people to be there and you need to take care of yourself... So much of my trauma is based around having pretty much my entire identity debased that it can be so hard to make myself feel better. Like, I spend everyday in my room alone with my bird and only leave to go on a walk or have a smoke. It's not a happy life. I'm not happy. Everything feels like a literal nightmare.",1.4876086956521741,3.058019862318844,3.4312318840579716,90.9451086956522,78.63768115942028,6.6289855072463775,19.471014492753625,7.492282038375204,0.36185797101449335,503,11,114,7,12,170,90,138,0.177,0.7020000000000001,0.121,-0.7831,1,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,1,5,9,1,0,6,0,12,3,0,1,0,20,23,10,0,1,6,1,3,2,0,0,3,1,1,1,4,8,0,0,3,0,1,2,7,3,0,0,0,4,17,6,21,20,6,12,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,4,79,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088067933334802,0.0,0.0,0.13728553795666892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536538276313316,0.0,0.0,0.29375353113781816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592092842537668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821908629598686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828306560594512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684858168068195,0.11786943921068024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620086769615855,0.0,0.09376805692886124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512714857766082,0.14779932262564258,0.16289422744592488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722074981600752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067461243057974,0.0,0.0,0.17470140287463864,0.0,0.0,0.2330757207239147,0.16121231264591293,0.0,0.14568987287381033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013262029505387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323519599465053,0.0,0.0,0.36386160057538985,0.12233856552642355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548291551987922,0.17556181222652156,0.0,0.0,0.1786689259132523,0.0,0.11438382579401955,0.14406357656395685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16785492856462245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569731223197963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120728272222076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405252584947135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway2102873,2019/10/26,"Dealing with repetition of trauma Throwaway because I don’t want anyone on my main to know where I live, but here goes. I live in Sonoma County, where the Kincade fire is currently burning. More specifically, I live in Santa Rosa. Two years ago we almost burned to the ground. Not as bad as Paradise, but we were still heavily impacted. It all happened when I was fifteen, and it more or less completely traumatized me. My family got one of the first evac orders and had to pack at 1 am to get all out things out. By the time we left the house, the sky was a wall of red and I could hear police knocking on doors and screaming for us to leave. When we were going across the freeway, the entire sky was black. My mother (who was driving) told me to put my head down because there was ash and debris flying everywhere, she could barely see her own headlights. By the time we made it to my sister’s house I was in tears. The rest of those two weeks are a blur of sleeping and eating, just dissociating as hard as I could so I didn’t have to live through that time. Every waking hour was filled with sirens, ash, and the smell of smoke. I have severe asthma, so I was trapped in the same apartment for two weeks, not able to leave. It was hell. Now, with the Kincade fire burning, everything is coming back. The stress, the dread, the fear. I’m on edge every single minute I’m awake. I can hear the fire planes taking off from the airport near my house, the engines taking off down the street every hour. The smoke is choking the entire sky, I’m trapped in my house all day. It feels like the same thing is happening all over again and I’m terrified. On top of everything, we’re set to lose power tomorrow. Meaning we will be in the dark with no air purifiers and limited means of communication. I don’t know what to do anymore, everything feels like a nightmare. My parents refuse to leave until we get an evac order but I can’t stand staying. All my family is in the county so I can’t just leave. My stress has gotten so bad, I’m breaking out in hives and beginning to hallucinate. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t even hold a conversation. I just keep flashing back to being on that freeway and honestly thinking I was about to die. I just don’t know what to do anymore.",3.0378110840013903,4.821311099337748,3.985038340885328,87.72453555245731,74.8719646799117,6.887626350644824,24.283083536656214,7.669130373188453,1.1119527593818987,1780,56,365,24,38,573,224,453,0.179,0.76,0.061,-0.9957,3,2,2,0,0,0,56.0,8,0,0,5,21,13,1,4,30,0,41,7,4,1,5,62,72,26,1,4,10,3,6,2,0,1,1,3,1,0,13,26,2,4,8,0,0,5,12,10,0,5,18,13,43,3,64,48,14,70,1,1,3,0,20,36,1,3,25,248,56,0,0.077024775194113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827781580058292,0.0,0.07712918615117925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15277575963610726,0.053857513730950685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845459533728595,0.12862493992015026,0.0939071760804304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635002359003257,0.08075901133335404,0.0,0.0,0.18449404628849614,0.0,0.0,0.049674607899536975,0.07940916107860138,0.0,0.0,0.07993955600779065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15763114855957053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05087413757775569,0.0,0.19469008545706212,0.0,0.2076747040748801,0.0,0.14522420604713254,0.08667428625556077,0.07789208134737459,0.11005302957790424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551723443198787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048453191713116,0.0,0.043774954779455325,0.0,0.061603749069855336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362255086518553,0.0,0.06899906936623569,0.0,0.07904964099734142,0.0,0.17362503926782644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517077762135468,0.3555049961189237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846315926717023,0.0,0.0,0.12699240622437,0.0,0.0,0.326232461724003,0.08368764361985433,0.0,0.0,0.07526082897633482,0.0,0.2720571506228009,0.0,0.0,0.08617102126775299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288270466982066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780512154598132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219398108838103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552689758547556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743117345574436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137877339844591,0.0,0.0,0.08701607173874695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416080313117286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209816188448063,0.0615120849669769,0.0,0.17646323949061216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582609018885152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234367615958616,0.04935436582027925,0.0,0.0,0.1347412974975638,0.0,0.0,0.0736004735221999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22572603968122296,0.0,0.09265132074808906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04543120805259954,0.0,0.12356925719579902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049601429868556236 ptsd,BlueCandle1,2019/10/26,"I feel like I took a step backwards I have PTSD from being sexually assaulted, and I have been working really hard in therapy and made a lot of progress in the past year. I’m in school and during a lab, we had to find and examine each other’s thyroids. My partner touching my neck really upset me, and I had a bad couple of days after it happened. I know I shouldn’t, but I’m being really hard on myself about it because it feels like a step backwards. Has anyone experienced a similar setback?",4.243549783549781,5.32960792929293,6.255007215007215,75.40727272727275,70.71717171717171,9.293506493506491,30.304473304473305,9.606745405546679,2.9667564213564206,391,16,72,9,7,137,66,99,0.10800000000000001,0.816,0.076,-0.2222,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,2,1,5,1,1,7,0,9,2,1,1,0,16,17,6,0,1,1,0,5,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,5,6,12,2,10,9,2,13,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,6,50,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141876840260334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887133594985404,0.1232904776462883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22378714831113686,0.0,0.1304353168831425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045286061196473,0.2889766501222367,0.0,0.0,0.18485396772617416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885010209348465,0.0,0.3623547666698652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11115199124891906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976194778682436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194677023932434,0.0,0.1913750119202684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19307169217252645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364208744013103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887019666029848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468905084905825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312919173788773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247085675517288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724131029106285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024316640499156 ptsd,doodlebugz99,2019/10/26,"I am having a really hard time. As the rest of you, I (20F) went through some pretty hard shit. I went through a lot as a child with my mothers alcoholism and abuse. Then I was in a really awful relationship that messed my brain up even more than it already was. I’m struggling bad right now. It’s never been this bad. Feels like everything has just caught up with me. I have a really bad habit of suppressing things due to my childhood neglect and abuse. I can’t even get out of bed unless it’s for class, then I come back and go right back in the bed. It’s affecting my relationship, too which really sucks. It’s a weird feeling, I feel numb but also everything at once. I think the root of it is because my mom keeps trying to come back in my life. I’m just struggling so bad and I need to go back to therapy, but something isn’t letting me. I’m not scared of it, I’ve been before. I just am too sad and my brain is too tired to even pick up the phone and call the office. Here’s to hoping things get better and I get out of this nasty funk.",1.7436555023923468,3.3459264181818216,3.246698564593302,92.4087320574163,78.0,6.813397129186604,20.669856459330145,7.669130373188453,0.5160454545454543,812,20,187,12,19,267,115,220,0.22399999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.068,-0.9853,0,0,2,0,2,0,24.0,0,1,0,1,17,17,2,3,11,1,14,7,3,3,1,35,35,16,0,2,7,2,5,1,0,0,4,0,2,1,13,13,1,3,4,0,0,7,4,14,0,0,7,5,22,3,30,27,4,29,0,2,0,0,8,11,2,3,12,124,35,1,0.0,0.2416577858807284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898494640571044,0.0,0.0,0.11253678490438808,0.08155287565826792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31366340254337144,0.3405941001479381,0.062165685275351414,0.0,0.08677694370853781,0.0,0.0,0.09019247690538727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22768543583888926,0.10413235191596347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569241698748786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20206926183819665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330498735777495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469152039037967,0.0728540915177691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984005555898148,0.0,0.11591446683186801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827069925663508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128853747622904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090643961188097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428082832634578,0.07203105402851301,0.04982197530567501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669922452143894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943702072159093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561642024175383,0.07865278691938771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086047145378604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374969465577576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613224160595858,0.0,0.0,0.21897538502458536,0.0,0.1741796715756151,0.0,0.0,0.10209915272667434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468037106024082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850871121566451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132219862028156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662231193359915,0.0,0.1355011411824398,0.06534427081313161,0.0,0.0,0.05946499826347565,0.11721029886637695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923730688428227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907181926571556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Stevereddits,2019/10/26,"Stop broadcasting your guilt. I get remembering someone, but why do you have to wear it on your wrist? Every time I see that black band I think of my best friends who I watched die in front of me. Do you need to broadcast it to civilians? Does it make you feel better? You feel all fucking big? I don’t need a bracelet to remember my brothers. That bracelet just brings attention that you so fucking desperately want. I’ll never be able to forget what you so desperately feel the need to broadcast.",2.7496875000000003,5.31032459375,3.1498333333333366,89.57850000000002,79.10416666666666,6.34,27.30833333333333,7.554174236665415,1.5453283333333334,395,17,79,6,10,122,63,96,0.17800000000000002,0.682,0.14,-0.5042,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,8,0,2,3,6,2,1,2,0,5,4,2,1,2,18,19,3,1,4,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,1,7,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,6,16,3,10,18,2,8,0,0,3,2,12,3,2,0,3,48,24,0,0.1920519709215124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154669481711407,0.16985436134220394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993196247206992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16806597396880893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618120686349597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913217410419408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14837887632844832,0.3550979048654158,0.10033922815370842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281961818981041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272123088698421,0.14812231960312286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43511488951962735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304055577194833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272501172959544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056404720838294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305914824780174,0.0,0.0,0.11198704868537232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327722834449623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329703198348856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,raspberrydoodle,2019/10/26,"Little trauma rant I was officially diagnosed with PTSD this past spring for a series of events that happened to my eight year old self. I have trouble accepting the term, because subjectively it wasn’t a big deal and I *shouldn’t* feel this way. Several weeks ago, I reached out to a couple girls who were involved because I was looking for clarification on what actually happened, if they even remembered anything at all. One of the girls (now a woman, I guess, over twenty years later) said to me, “it’s all water under the bridge now”, and I’m all emotion over this. I mean, she’s right. It ought to be. And I hate myself for being so affected by something so seemingly minuscule. But that’s just the thing. It did affect me. It still affects me, to this day. There’s not a day that goes by that my little third grade experiences don’t haunt me. And there is so much shame and self hate tied to that. So yeah, I’m grateful it’s all “water under the bridge” for you. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. But I’m drowning while your water is now still. Feeling so small and weak. Doing a lot of self blame. I don’t know what I was hoping for by reaching out. It was an idiot thing to do. I don’t want her to apologize, for she has nothing to apologize for. We were kids, and kids don’t know any better. I don’t want to make her feel bad either, so I’m not about to be like, “well good for you, but you it deeply traumatized me...” Does it get better? And how? What do I do? Is this just how it’s going to be for the rest of my life? I already have such little value on my life. I just can’t.",0.9003276539973797,3.0773077003058127,2.704478811708171,92.31346788990828,83.6177370030581,5.57200524246396,19.434600262123197,6.868970318607317,0.19363947575360466,1226,33,269,15,35,406,160,327,0.08800000000000001,0.809,0.10400000000000001,-0.4412,0,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,1,4,1,2,22,15,3,1,13,1,31,7,0,6,4,51,56,21,1,8,10,0,3,1,0,3,4,1,0,8,27,12,3,0,10,0,0,1,11,8,1,3,9,5,36,7,40,40,9,36,0,0,1,0,24,16,0,5,19,194,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.11038591156763496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002714289215566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248274640498258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692346465509176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909406293454797,0.0,0.09308568391627177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444800166434676,0.13791019266161975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008565515777368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516185080945902,0.0,0.14590226288879296,0.11661869902325485,0.0,0.1148114122759163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898948206437068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724144239222468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471273663721781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106501684298994,0.0,0.0,0.1715861193008907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909898351892263,0.0,0.06428701936705823,0.09487720450831877,0.0,0.0,0.12461117006849005,0.0,0.2000580459102909,0.0,0.0,0.2233593122771631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235074185934388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433233142172505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597958181381218,0.055263270908656965,0.34011896637450234,0.0,0.0,0.0949898225012334,0.0,0.0,0.09616806043723844,0.0,0.0,0.0755065011022297,0.0,0.0,0.12321761556428827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315403819897615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853884855612556,0.0,0.1186973028412063,0.0,0.07665103230780246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798301204334602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222776389695856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281395529830369,0.09660133222345046,0.1076002064924262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297750283775284,0.3540172210158993,0.12779005523358206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708302209982001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067082501869708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029986723036234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343871931614404,0.08978703944393962,0.09073566461166968,0.0,0.10170580179573134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007901097832625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456873273157648 ptsd,WhatsAGoodName123454,2019/10/26,"Why me? Why can’t I be a normal teen. Why did my parent need to abuse me? Why did my girlfriend be physically and verbally abusive? Why did all my friends abandon me? I should be having fun I’m a teen but I can’t stop these flashbacks and nightmares and the meds won’t do anythint",-0.09995762711864133,2.21188805084746,1.8862500000000004,94.67479872881357,92.22033898305084,4.3059322033898315,22.62923728813559,5.985473137389443,0.33216779661016993,221,9,48,2,8,73,37,59,0.185,0.7440000000000001,0.071,-0.7724,1,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,12,0,0,0,1,10,14,4,0,3,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,9,2,1,6,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,31,10,0,0.0,0.42394461554412105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822099681798386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987223152000607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265525085972205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528820166504944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19865202225196527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495719822621236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8071663938650312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,crazycatlaady,2019/10/26,"My marriage gave me trauma ? I obviously haven’t moved on from the trauma, the marriage I’ve moved past but the trauma was hard for me. When I was 18 I met who I thought was the man of my dreams, we married after only three months. He was an active duty military man and I think that changed him. He had never been overseas though. He treated me amazing in the beginning and then a switch flipped, he’d refer to me as a bitch, cunt you name it. Tell me I was fat, told me I needed to diet. Told me I’d never amount to anything. He was constantly talking to other women, he was a really insecure man. He started throwing plates and glasses, screaming at the top of his lungs and punching holes in the wall. He abused the animals which was really hard to watch, I was afraid he was going to do the same to me. When he got out of the military he got a gun and that terrified me. He controlled me completely I had to give up all of my friends and my family. I could only have his friends. I didn’t drive so he controlled where I went. When I finally got out I found out he tried to kill someone. I was so blessed I finally gotten out. But all of this has made me really untrusting that this won’t happen again.",1.2256275303643704,3.437701299595144,3.115809716599192,89.64432186234819,82.56275303643723,6.391093117408907,23.265182186234817,7.61054688173877,1.1441287449392714,939,34,197,16,26,314,129,247,0.17,0.723,0.107,-0.9481,0,0,0,1,1,0,26.0,1,1,0,3,8,14,3,2,15,0,22,3,2,3,5,30,41,16,1,2,2,0,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,4,9,11,2,3,4,1,0,6,5,9,0,1,27,4,37,5,27,11,4,33,1,0,1,0,36,12,2,0,15,132,46,1,0.0,0.15539257381836655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792615709954144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874044370049538,0.0,0.13750940327860328,0.14172771608614512,0.2941941575162288,0.10471345878198103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363755812165635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28733917656362795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438003805660901,0.20265398510812255,0.0,0.0,0.12581205845685287,0.07453617634599077,0.0,0.31468047841821456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597645944870713,0.0,0.2349711988465467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509922903486794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409831501167146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468353406612484,0.2787856668859802,0.0,0.0972468577536066,0.20230358319054495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994925996321884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519853785845836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25205620427211384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112387733268583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928294034820408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541426340678266,0.114631817262166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08403631100839816,0.12885526191874358,0.10411930110292214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506409384652881,0.0,0.08904296860777235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157835728380548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,omgbackatitagain,2019/10/26,"Night terrors or just nightmares? Are what I’m having night terrors? I toss, cry, and say noooo while I’m asleep sometimes. Sometimes it’s a terrible dream I can remember. Maybe of a loved one being hurt or being abandoned or cheated on or something. Like dreams of losing people I love. Sometimes I don’t remember the dream, I just remember waking up frightened. It’s like an intense feeling. An intense fear of something. I may cry for a bit after waking up. It’s disturbing. Could this be due to being subjected to extreme childhood violence? Or due to abandonment issues? I’ve always wandered if it’s due to stress in the present or past traumas. Just wondering.",2.9487365591397814,5.893965217741936,3.9065806451612906,81.77820430107528,82.30645161290323,6.2098924731182805,30.847311827957,7.554174236665415,2.5724286021505374,533,28,86,9,15,171,76,124,0.33399999999999996,0.514,0.152,-0.9858,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,3,16,1,5,7,0,10,5,3,0,0,20,16,9,0,2,10,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,1,12,0,1,0,2,6,4,13,10,1,14,0,4,0,2,3,4,0,9,12,55,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191154339001282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628687897980553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429666507601467,0.0,0.3144954664811209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108783019529066,0.07238286529783007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324910945179376,0.0,0.0,0.1494153803051507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398754366750706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015249091069386,0.0,0.0,0.258403796931762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438172386975806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686802977152389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700472338463488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665650543936927,0.0992448239151869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4864960660347807,0.0,0.0,0.113841651822401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22041358650902865,0.4247483219042256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398220041270253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552441954173865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pepiethemermaidkitty,2019/10/26,"(Possible trigger warning? Idk if this post would trigger anyone but it might please be cautious) A question about trauma and PTSD I’ve recently been diagnosed with PTSD, and although I already knew a lot about it, there’s a lot of questions I have regarding it that I can’t find answers to in any kind of article. I have two major questions that I though maybe this reddit could help with? 1. I don’t feel like I have PTSD, why? (Some context for this) I feel, fine. Like, I know I have a shit ton of anxiety and depressive symptoms and a bunch of other trauma/PTSD symptoms, but I feel like what I went through shouldn’t and didn’t give me PTSD? Like I can be around my mom (she’s the reason for my PTSD) and I love her, and I don’t, get flashbacks? Which is a big thing when having PTSD? And my panic attacks never seem to be related to anything from my trauma? I just feel bad/weird when I say “I have PTSD”, I feel like I’m mocking people who actually do, because what happened to me was so, mild and tame compared to everyone else. 2. Can trauma/PTSD get attached to an idea as a coping mechanism? Like, I never liked kids. Hated them even. But when I started to actual process my trauma I can’t get enough of them? And it’s weird because they’re related too. Children being upset, especially them crying, especially because of their parents, always ends up with me crying and having a panic attack in the bathroom. But I can’t stop trying to be around kids and wanting them so desperately when I’m older and looking at baby-related things on Pinterest. Idk, I’m confused. Any kind of answer would be really appreciated.",2.7561964472309306,4.972961448275863,4.241012539184953,83.59577168234067,77.15047021943573,6.761170323928944,26.307314524555906,7.793537801064563,1.6887867502612326,1278,50,240,20,30,424,166,319,0.21100000000000002,0.6659999999999999,0.12300000000000001,-0.9836,1,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,5,0,15,25,5,4,11,0,30,5,1,3,2,55,52,27,0,6,6,2,5,7,0,4,3,1,0,3,16,18,0,1,16,0,0,1,9,14,0,1,5,7,38,11,32,36,7,21,0,1,1,1,20,8,1,10,18,166,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.128858521158188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285840280229909,0.0,0.054936711924412726,0.0,0.0,0.08979627705249234,0.0,0.05050767808659951,0.0,0.0,0.046165057829385035,0.0,0.05433158724743544,0.11754954933411027,0.0,0.1502221723836426,0.0,0.0,0.055126735142087456,0.12074165461863745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271426848402175,0.0,0.1450470881724131,0.0,0.0,0.056865810163306565,0.06701230522924502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055154032680893784,0.0,0.05847708675876249,0.06821976436936017,0.0,0.04360779658396097,0.0,0.0,0.06308813536020805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691693464612326,0.14150127223130424,0.0,0.0,0.060344141067438475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348341799308007,0.06333560848018922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058384225794071785,0.0,0.0,0.06518438417141251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04425405633198129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453231993201988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750630740377134,0.03628470366287808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257896992363667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055442981258926036,0.0,0.0,0.11226137352682906,0.059588646439037884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632932402964603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004033528957733,0.0,0.07732574351251884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018425474970665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492833928418795,0.07331111110560498,0.0,0.0,0.04577227419571043,0.0,0.0,0.07247380619287264,0.0,0.07443140111406693,0.06323211381582466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6945998127323821,0.0,0.221883769109818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042296245327062144,0.06788299466517372,0.06519008791104372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250441379754575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010517347635218,0.0,0.0,0.06777201469440387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04673166329604556,0.0,0.0,0.05519847261356354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724707034612185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772595318792023,0.0,0.06486760108369602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04482551725826616,0.0,0.06449521433870181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038942279390847385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061204302123651015,0.05957579944119034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380217974005182,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hoffymekek,2018/12/04,"My(m23) girlfriend(f46) pushing me away First of all! The age gap is big i know but we are in a relationship that we dont care about people thinking of us! Sooo please positive vibes here! My girlfriend starting pushing me away because of ptsd! She had before ptsd and got fixed up.. 3 years later i came into her life and i made her to feel real love that someone can give, i gave her real love and i made worse for her that she got ptsd again... Lets say i am insecure as fk! I am broken down because of anxiety and depression because of all year school bully victim. And i made her lose her self esteem because i said no i dont look sexy, im not fit, im ugly and denied all these stuffs what she told me... and she got low self esteem by that then everything hit her because it was tooo much... we broke up like 3 times and i was the one fixed it up and we still together (ps! I fixed my shit up and i got no longer jealosuy and stuff!) but 3-4 days ago she had reeaally bad day and she kept stressing alone and wont say anything to me... shes home alone and keeps stressing, crying and keeps getting more damage by trying to sleep it away... but it hurts me that i cant do anything to help her! I am veeeery supportive and tried and trying hard to tell her im here if you need aaanything.. but still i couldnt do anything😔 this morning she messaged me and said i need abit time alone for getting rid this pain and i getting more stressed that you trying to help me fix it quick and be there... so im like in a position that i really dont know! And need advice! She goes to therapy and doctors for trying to find a meds! Previous one was really good but it gets her blood preassure high! And she goes to the group therapy too but still! Nothing works for her than be alone and i know she can be calm and stop stressing and thinking if im around! But i cant since she wants to be alone and she told me if i was keep doing shes pushing me away and i see in her as a victim and destroying for her",1.0002335383914345,3.0155200167464145,2.490950102529052,94.92998405103673,82.08612440191388,5.512052859421281,20.957165641376168,6.655083550727371,0.2189902483481428,1549,46,350,16,42,503,190,418,0.247,0.659,0.094,-0.9973,0,5,0,0,0,0,48.0,5,2,0,3,16,25,4,5,7,0,30,8,3,3,3,72,70,43,0,8,11,0,2,2,1,1,3,4,1,2,19,36,0,5,7,0,0,4,10,17,0,3,20,8,68,8,40,42,6,40,0,6,2,2,53,18,1,3,20,225,87,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059670666974464666,0.054129218603020224,0.0,0.0,0.3162174949176688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04671350547632324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005003197362892,0.05435957189660614,0.0,0.0,0.22948514061012565,0.0,0.0509855756888368,0.18611909310690528,0.0,0.05196064675901132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984051870191646,0.0622584346848101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707552400299756,0.07876197205448379,0.0,0.05259401016068415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625012069922283,0.0,0.0,0.2146983388207099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488004814535356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030875603219430142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558110463796138,0.0519406876633584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761289362355252,0.058577792638037626,0.0,0.051217270946561436,0.19535263458965746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470101328428905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185932044902308,0.06451707173352626,0.061251794029689215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536987279648976,0.0,0.3297959642514057,0.0,0.0,0.16282846503392726,0.0,0.0,0.10067691294518216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244169306770871,0.043131043732375404,0.0596652048126848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512780651730193,0.06831457615854028,0.0,0.0,0.11022461008736087,0.1733396334019111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782792082535305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044888789955486764,0.13583371112583273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058592194442654226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275658437424002,0.0,0.06497600159603616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04233382848522554,0.0,0.0,0.06702952245549719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214140327339894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900754603948598,0.07823784274248162,0.0,0.0,0.06555948011027674,0.0,0.0,0.11617098034007428,0.09712048996817876,0.0,0.06179964785640014,0.04865980265937793,0.0,0.1274053553220662,0.0,0.06268093287005505,0.05051246106241364,0.0,0.06110772375229656,0.0,0.051739010738475366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043221147595709865,0.0,0.14629646781451172,0.05105192419056182,0.27979270144440993,0.0,0.1398064810345265,0.0,0.06929427725650207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337229915531065,0.0,0.13966315234503396,0.0,0.0,0.0782542096631192,0.0,0.0,0.0712133808185659,0.0,0.0,0.11669781974879595,0.0,0.20729096300296945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345202150694806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03601690773560829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04445504577874442,0.0,0.06222905000679153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864594404188703 ptsd,Lelouch_19,2018/12/04,"Shame for Having PTSD I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD due to being abused by my parents. I can't help but feel ashamed for having PTSD. I'm embarassed to say that I have triggers & that my bed & my room is a safe space for me. I feel like SJWs have made PTSD, triggers, & safe spaces into a joke, & I have a hard time accepting myself for having PTSD because of it. I don't know how to stop feeling so ashamed. I know it's not something to be embarassed of; if I knew someone with PTSD, I wouldn't think less of them, yet I still feel ashamed of myself. Can anyone relate? How do I deal with this?",4.23490157480315,4.465893149606302,4.631171259842522,90.13447342519687,70.25984251968504,6.97992125984252,27.686023622047248,5.985473137389443,0.9123708661417322,478,15,105,2,8,151,73,127,0.16899999999999998,0.691,0.139,-0.4835,1,0,1,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,0,4,3,0,16,1,0,5,0,26,26,5,0,2,3,1,5,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,5,4,0,3,10,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,6,18,5,17,20,1,9,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,6,68,23,0,0.0,0.1279199337288632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4679167032142568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549108552192649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581397997710027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130635922326516,0.0,0.10958139993625923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183597929845142,0.07712965278453103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671472531169684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236613378881701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866861198248288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274585924153546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021583454220404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988147786220163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7572262996006718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858574726997573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147772428756416,0.08311612306837042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622035710878878,0.09026291339546123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917910599497291,0.0,0.0,0.06295479874010873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,EscapedWords,2018/12/04,"Triggered by a Person I (28f) react so strongly (get triggered) to certain things and just latch on. At the moment I am being triggered for numerous reasons by a (legal aged) girl consistently showing up in my boyfriend's (27m) friends' lives, making it back into his. She was with him in the past (of legal age) for a few months before him and I met and just keeps popping up. He regrets ever being with her and was in a bad place at the time (he was molested by his sister and started having memories pop up and was self destructing). I have no control over where she goes and who she decides to hang out with. My boyfriend told his friend who she hangs out with sometimes in group settings what happened and his friend doesn't seem to take it seriously. Because I trust my boyfriend and he decided to go to therapy for having been with her and to deal with his past I believe him when he says he never wanted to be with her and went against his morals. I'm just tired of being triggered by her and her presence for my own past. For having been molested at a young age and sexually abused in my preteens and teens. From how he described everything that happened it seems like she had been stalking him to get with him and now it's like she keeps doing the same even though she's been dating a man our age, but now she's doing it from afar.",6.8037593984962434,6.028746518796992,6.725263157894738,80.68684210526318,65.01503759398497,9.254135338345863,33.661654135338345,8.192908349453996,2.4097323308270684,1058,39,211,11,14,336,139,266,0.057,0.879,0.063,0.1582,0,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,1,0,0,2,13,14,3,0,10,0,21,1,0,9,3,51,38,20,0,2,4,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,4,10,26,0,3,5,1,0,4,3,6,0,0,12,1,36,8,46,22,3,42,1,1,0,0,46,18,0,2,21,157,46,2,0.0,0.1665382790325476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808044744903884,0.11736008231754685,0.08568286929307359,0.0,0.11960452929132487,0.1583607647886799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764778036127772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490915504780758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283725189945474,0.1271427834794604,0.0,0.0,0.1263244923865754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257843514302345,0.0,0.1468715366856158,0.0,0.07988236650766267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24859000002730966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498688671824425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373391052999942,0.0,0.1241153139196423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382357518118603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11219207699587584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840701636762856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025356267676644,0.0,0.12272984852632253,0.14685322307166912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445170627524434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177738549965542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559174995114001,0.14663267783370126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901548381104947,0.0,0.09948769570923864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568214443887718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074035484049684,0.0,0.09338050821423743,0.0,0.13809754891709855,0.0,0.0819605164996459,0.16155077633402795,0.0,0.13430921929352246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290476668286323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029870020246762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ArcticDystopia,2018/12/04,"Was it ""bad enough""? Possible trigger warning (sexual assault) I hope its okay to post it here. Its probably gonna be a wall if text, so I apologize in advance. I hope I dont offend or trigger anyone. About a year ago I was on the subway. It was quite crowded there was a man close behind me. He started pressing his genitals against my behind. It was clearly intentional because it was not crowded enough to require anyone to touch other passengers, and it was ONLY his private area that touched me. No arms, shoulders or any other bodily contact that would be more acceptable on a semi-crowded train. Just his junk pressing me into a corner where I couldnt move away from him. I froze in place and didnt dare to say or do anything. The short ride to the next station (where I got off the train as fast as possible to get away from him) felt like an eternity. It was incredibly uncomfortable. My heart was racing, and I just wanted to get away from him. I was scared he would follow me and do something worse to me (it was dark outside and I have to walk maybe 15 minutes from the station to get to my house), so I rushed onto another train to make sure he couldnt follow me. For some time I wasnt even sure if it was real or not. Did I just dream it? Maybe it was more crowded than I remembered, and he didnt do anything wrong? I convinced myself that everyone experinces these thing regularly, and that I shouldnt be such a wuss and complain about it. In the following months I spiraled deep into a depressive episode with lots of anxiety and was in and out of psychwards for a while (I have had mental health issues for years before this, and was seeing a therapist already). I never told my therapist or anyone else about this incident, and I honestly didnt connect the depressive episode to this experience. It definately wasn't the only reason I became a depressed and anxious wreck, but now that I think about it, it may have contributed to how bad it got. People and crowded places scared me even before all this, but it has gotten worse since it happened. Just leaving my house makes it hard to breathe, and I am terrified that someone will do something to me. Maybe its just my social anxiety playing up? Maybe im overthinking this? Yes, it was uncomfortable having a man grind his erect penis against me, but was it really that bad? People go through so many awful and traumatic things, and I feel soooo guilty about even writing this. I have never told my therapist or psychiatrist about it. Im scared they will think I am stupid, weak and just wasting their time, or that Im looking for attention. I have not even told my best (and only) friend, becuase she has lived through things that are ACTUALLY traumatic. I am probably just extagerating this. Sorry for the wall of text, and thank you if you read this far. My question is: was it ""bad enough""? Should I tell my therapist, and in that case: how do I bring it up? Am I extagerating this and unintentionally craving attention/yet another diagnosis? Should I just deal with it and shut up? I feel like such an idiot who is probably just offending you guys with real trauma. If thats the case, I am really sorry. ",5.3859425687852935,6.412181183908047,6.01376426769194,78.40287156073533,68.0311986863711,9.356898554207216,31.27401978453282,9.562709236259073,2.872193447875365,2507,100,469,52,41,816,266,609,0.171,0.759,0.07,-0.9968,0,0,2,0,0,0,79.0,0,3,2,4,31,33,5,3,23,3,60,6,4,8,6,96,90,45,0,14,26,0,9,2,1,9,2,1,0,3,55,30,0,1,10,3,0,10,15,19,0,0,32,12,68,14,64,44,9,56,0,3,2,0,38,31,0,17,16,348,123,2,0.0,0.0,0.06201193493771519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632988157719233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012482362257696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0432136023305151,0.13326748511337622,0.09722535441847267,0.07178913031828765,0.0,0.13329896401638672,0.06511060234879601,0.10458623374436188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791112701408796,0.0,0.21223372624388148,0.0387371801941417,0.0,0.1081462897174029,0.0,0.06668782758151502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551335286949257,0.16419677433819546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744756856075984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308470492163294,0.0,0.0,0.19698066770511952,0.0,0.1678866912478065,0.0,0.0,0.06072112748362701,0.0,0.062160387571904376,0.0,0.0,0.06426174690346761,0.045397425581396984,0.06101432759506551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049095644710568966,0.0,0.09960081686552093,0.0,0.03611477593213541,0.0,0.10164741941807684,0.0,0.0,0.06292073925882892,0.05619370420814108,0.0,0.05692492298945731,0.0,0.0,0.0675466503600791,0.0,0.07530256557653049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623145101477626,0.0,0.14664759041184952,0.0,0.0,0.2059224362409076,0.06632573408877471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728626172379742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620909373554107,0.0,0.056112468219435614,0.0,0.0533628124190686,0.0,0.0,0.05402471585575784,0.0,0.0,0.0848351780989203,0.06442588362113495,0.2553628391336028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403963410116695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05072197907004012,0.06753956525715774,0.0,0.0,0.09802151029696116,0.0,0.06758211593621885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449892700906547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810988249325549,0.0,0.1327845300035393,0.0,0.0,0.14327760901562112,0.06085970400215107,0.0,0.20554068876967602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118629915508562,0.06758921707785688,0.06356340715134487,0.14465899949834954,0.08141865946487324,0.06533608814874302,0.0,0.0,0.07198546906652357,0.0,0.0,0.050534497262455895,0.19086252774296414,0.0,0.050638102527853016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052566082113358586,0.0,0.0,0.06477735918882249,0.053842498063638826,0.09784195508182914,0.0,0.14226956042272626,0.044978334964562786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978310298741722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554218901570068,0.05850481305858486,0.0,0.29512819352700204,0.12665183611940006,0.08143569179464065,0.0,0.0,0.07410861290352143,0.0,0.0,0.18216338245088104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037481201463534064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12951803510232673,0.09028280962366676,0.06947780568823518,0.0,0.0818433524211045 ptsd,accidentalgeek,2018/12/04,"help me fnd a subreddit for male rape victims This is my alt acount so i can be more open, but when i seach subreddits for rape I just a tonne that done apply. I am a make who was raped and penetrated at gunpoint. I need somewhere to vent and commisserate. please help me.",0.2480454545454549,2.666650963636364,1.8948863636363635,93.72232954545456,93.9090909090909,5.65909090909091,19.602272727272727,7.1686216300943375,0.5381363636363634,213,7,47,4,8,69,44,55,0.265,0.608,0.127,-0.9022,0,0,0,1,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,4,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,0,7,8,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,8,0,4,5,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.455624955197747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5968566787894757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297194537478748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33013246484131675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4887289307336302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,burnitoB,2018/12/04,"How long does it take for the physiological responses to calm down? It's been 3.5 months since the incidents stopped. I'm doing way better than before. I used to jump at everything; now I only jump at some things. I used to freeze at any potential threat, but yesterday a car jumped out dangerously into traffic and I responded immediately by honking. It was a victorious moment. I do still have these episodes where I can't stop shaking, I go into a fetal position in a corner somewhere, my eyes get as big as saucers and I'm hypersensitive to any sounds, smells, colors etc. I may not even feel anything emotionally during these episodes, but my body feels like it's experiencing something terrifying, if that makes sense. I shake and shudder and gasp. These episodes tend to last 30-60 minutes, and they only end when I'm able to relieve them by starting to cry. These episodes seem to have weird triggers, like being in grocery stores (wtf?) Sometimes they're started when I get flashbacks. Still trying to identify other triggers. I also have extreme vasoconstriction in my body that may actually be fibromyalgia. Here's to hoping that's not the case. I get tested in January. I didn't ever experience these symptoms of constant bodily pain until all these incidents in my life began. Does the high cortisol/high adrenal stuff ever fully go away? Will I ever be able to really truly relax again? Will I be able to live a normal life again one day?",5.4606260032102725,7.505614292134832,6.118384162653825,73.84235955056181,69.0,8.831032637774213,31.066345639379353,9.362217197678863,3.042439058319957,1164,49,196,25,21,379,167,267,0.09300000000000001,0.7909999999999999,0.11599999999999999,0.6571,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,2,1,15,13,2,2,9,0,17,7,3,6,4,33,37,15,0,3,5,0,3,2,0,4,4,1,0,0,16,8,0,2,3,1,1,8,4,6,0,1,4,8,21,7,33,25,3,50,0,0,2,0,3,17,0,6,26,125,37,1,0.3368208078338231,0.0,0.10956284048671994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978515944490073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269979960309946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239160861815968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548474547428806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955365664806248,0.0,0.0,0.09929687769213252,0.0,0.2494213244584023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132787849473435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332728050625695,0.07240718552087051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650277248716547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629269132390755,0.0994410873428104,0.0,0.1252147450980973,0.0741556556471819,0.3046737040408598,0.0,0.0,0.10090427458332547,0.1098251269690856,0.0,0.0,0.11353781384912875,0.08020828413882095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597497032699658,0.0,0.12761535142034944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23724645081467616,0.0,0.11151302040349384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151797108631324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586043316984772,0.10970242215429302,0.0,0.09913964805350872,0.09935860526674402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494350156183778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961571845166985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000429261608864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607949879307327,0.1707782680563421,0.11946702905595255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719253447626831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220967111568867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287388428344256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864337044820991,0.11104146381113553,0.0,0.15893566759464253,0.0,0.1793236881501771,0.1877315181243225,0.0,0.0,0.1285264137658262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669526190776308,0.0844157765414332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458959275090846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622640634022294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939366892719876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911755984679012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,XxRobynnxX,2018/12/04,"Rape related ptsd but working as a court advocate I work with victims of rape and domestic violence. It is the most fulfilling thing I've ever done. However, at work I dont suffer from my symptoms. I am on top of things and get shit done. Everyone I work with loves me and sees me as a strong woman. However, when I'm not at work ptsd haunts me. I can turn it off at work but not at home. I cant have sex as often with the love of my life because of ptsd but yet I can help other victims. I feel like I am doing something wrong. I have military health care and they only let me on base for therapy and I only get 30 minutes a month for therapy. Idk what I am trying to get across but I just wanna know if anyone else is in the same situation. Like I'm not myself at work. I'm a stronger, happier and non PTSD version of myself. Any advice on how I can keep this going in my personal life? 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At the end of the date, she asked if she could kiss me and I said yes, and I definitely felt some ""stuff"" during that kiss. But as I drove away I realized I don't feel any connection with her and it made me really sad. I feel like I've lost the ability to connect with people on a deep level, whether it's with my parents, new/current friends or romantic partners. Last year I slept around a lot because I didn't want to have to connect with people on a deeper level, it felt too scary to have to trust people. I just feel like this feeling is gone. I don't know if it's the medications I am taking or if it's just another shitty thing as a result of PTSD and being sexually assaulted. ",4.2063405797101465,4.702500576086958,6.037826086956525,79.08471014492756,70.41304347826087,9.611594202898553,28.3768115942029,9.725611199111238,2.4684072463768127,702,24,146,16,12,244,100,184,0.099,0.677,0.22399999999999998,0.9706,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,6,13,1,0,9,1,11,4,1,2,0,39,30,16,0,5,10,1,7,4,2,0,1,1,0,3,12,14,0,0,9,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,11,8,23,9,24,17,3,19,0,3,0,2,13,10,0,7,10,100,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397052965597792,0.14489900733386554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230139352580348,0.12918430914788734,0.0,0.12982934396259244,0.0,0.0,0.08423628542654668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032946782359856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239088291482712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493524068504374,0.2961581467525065,0.2653585154442417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676137809497174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594285494971346,0.11263920762665848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700408184209131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30169047356913103,0.1174799343190688,0.0,0.13075397577640754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920683650212606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015818651386496,0.0,0.0,0.1334599214315665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534380748599362,0.0,0.0,0.3832002832113117,0.12065780051620968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153085491320646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704968207177554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144556658390966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15818874953013246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038979128137394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180396511121927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150508552219389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809886727089753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898660098976731 ptsd,sugarxxfree,2018/12/04,How to recover suppressed truamatic memories? I’m almost certain something happened when I was younger with a specific family member. I remember small irrelevant bits and pieces leading up to and after but not the specific event in detail. I’ve already been diagnosed with PTSD because of other things that have taken place in my life but I have a feeling in my gut that this is where it all started and I just want some answers. When I was younger I thought these memories weren’t real or a dream I had but as I get older I’m realizing they’re very real and certain things are starting to make sense. I just want to put it all together. ,3.377439024390245,5.883716764227643,4.716443089430896,79.50442073170734,76.47967479674797,8.002439024390245,31.38821138211382,8.841846274778883,3.075547967479676,514,26,90,12,12,170,83,123,0.0,0.903,0.09699999999999999,0.7759,1,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,4,0,9,3,1,3,4,32,21,12,0,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,5,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,1,11,2,13,14,5,16,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,3,7,65,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044485045355595,0.0,0.22089644061627065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202391082581016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21853762319364636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20317189415747414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870576571556896,0.0,0.1012137387693154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458239460956084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701276956403642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413884665556709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361736909285818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091387081738256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339921155798528,0.2012296610177927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4556825449470132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267575598973516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410334389457714,0.0,0.0,0.2833676745340001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659727644794001,0.0,0.0,0.15891540353024233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651641056542827,0.23613503936572966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chaoscontrols,2018/12/04,"I miss my PTSD sometimes Every since I started taking Zoloft, my symptoms of PTSD have basically diminished to nothing. At first was elated that I finally have relief after years of suffering but I’m at the anniversary of the traumatic event where all my symptoms would be at their worst and... nothing. Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m so happy to finally be able to sleep at night (literally) after three years of hell but it’s almost as if the PTSD was something familiar and this feels very foreign. It’s like I know in the back of mind there’s something wrong, but the Zoloft put up a thick concrete barrier to drown it all out. For the first time in my life I’m fine and I’m not used to it. Has anyone ever felt this way? How do I just embrace the happiness and good coming my way?",2.467995780590716,4.649181284810126,3.7534430379746873,86.91328691983125,77.92405063291139,6.998143459915612,24.45738396624473,8.021203637495839,1.452249282700422,625,22,125,11,15,204,94,158,0.187,0.662,0.15,-0.8443,0,1,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,7,12,1,0,9,0,10,6,1,2,3,24,23,11,1,2,6,0,3,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,6,0,3,3,3,11,6,22,17,3,29,1,2,0,0,1,10,1,2,15,82,19,0,0.12319202142028968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335901440179473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613872573423521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472706028253358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611901828653104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143423625098127,0.10379459127491032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062289587536180926,0.0,0.11828365965223933,0.26990167577498464,0.0,0.2095741409748502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332762276147094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26228039509645706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770311322290158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701416795005151,0.0601853989965947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438882353678407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156073668465446,0.0,0.2364121341199179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320146417891087,0.1238420073920227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019057131500868,0.0,0.12328098922485413,0.0,0.0,0.1896784734139188,0.12184005919649775,0.0,0.08719594682713554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560873592764513,0.18525013734365264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07183425837416432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639835287772097,0.0,0.10164631938392986,0.0,0.2933522774604705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751207746520645,0.2693822728311525,0.0,0.15866324557117836 ptsd,Zombiebloomers,2018/12/04,"I saw my abusive ex. It’s been almost 15 years. I’ve been out of work for around 8 months caused mostly from my other mental illnesses. Today I had a second interview at a shop I love in an area of town I adore. The interview seemed to have went well and I was feeling awesome but then... I walked a few blocks to the nearest coffee shop. I got my drink and sat down in a window seat to think over my interview, when I saw him. He was right next to the window on the curb. He was begging for change. I immediately began hyperventilating. He locked eyes with me. I grabbed my stuff and locked myself in the bathroom. Called my fiancé to talk me down. This guy was my “high school sweetheart”. 5 years of hell. Sexual, physical, mental abuse, to put it simply (just so you realize the type of abuse, he once shoved a shot gun in my mouth and did the whole “if I can’t have you, no one can” shpeal...) I had one of the baristas escort me across the street so I could get around him. He watched me with a dead stare the whole time. Now.... I really really really want this job. It’s perfect for me. But my abuser is living on the streets next to my shop... I don’t know if I can handle this... I’m going to invest in some bear mace... he stalked me for 6 months when I finally got away from him. I pretty much moved to another state right away to get away from him and start over. Did he come here to find me? Am I being paranoid? He must still be a junkie if he’s homeless... Urg!! Does anyone else have an experience similar to this? What did you do? Any stories, advice, kind words will be greatly appreciated!! Thanks for reading 💗💗💗",0.8015228219155688,3.0612041208459253,2.58653221197028,92.4521458316323,84.83081570996978,5.632759043030948,18.311504858332654,7.001395882987947,0.11251442802318934,1248,31,275,17,37,412,184,331,0.13,0.753,0.11699999999999999,-0.8135,1,0,1,1,3,0,60.0,0,3,0,2,11,9,1,0,20,0,27,5,2,1,2,34,47,15,1,6,6,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,2,1,10,11,1,2,6,5,4,6,3,1,1,3,18,7,44,8,46,23,6,50,1,0,5,1,25,27,1,7,16,177,54,8,0.0,0.4687567107262055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966512343127688,0.0,0.0,0.0990415433750657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726047082292881,0.10371310548882093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915840226554229,0.10134239066785787,0.0,0.17609723460168575,0.0,0.0,0.2787804697980788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099558469927084,0.0,0.0,0.10160521631354677,0.1046309878838812,0.08520002695799701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789695660823206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655459293234949,0.0,0.0,0.09689166547207416,0.0,0.0,0.08262449909212921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967504838556278,0.0,0.0,0.05001058832786735,0.0,0.0,0.10834829808709198,0.0903996351035467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033501409345615,0.0,0.05621139414116165,0.0,0.1582106771776291,0.10904583410531668,0.0,0.09793394484234216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045011717391936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815040163259788,0.0,0.0,0.10299690901097708,0.0543569584874653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733710748318634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926785267161555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935093158993455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15789399676650254,0.10512298705457647,0.07270837039346395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21037843141671994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533322684097686,0.13404452192066105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062445418103123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942932509838352,0.0,0.0,0.09893423509129644,0.0,0.19008797256108576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893287676535668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000996393750988,0.0,0.09004164536910618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000721586248357,0.0,0.0789876327672676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322538897289508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949807729542352,0.0,0.09106070911725693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337591263515893,0.0,0.0,0.057673740756451465,0.0,0.09375271597366523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058338188012299876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892969323309803,0.0916882149761974,0.0,0.220853314624941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200581565118057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738633487361856 ptsd,d24602,2019/09/19,"Is cutting off contact with a “toxic” person a form of abuse? This is probably not the place to ask, but I’ve had a lot of support in this sub from my other posts, so I figured it would be okay. I have a “friend” who is essentially a pathological liar and has a history of doing unscrupulous things, and I kept forgiving them in the past, but I was thinking I was ready to stop having that kind of unnecessary bs in my life and just stop contact with them, since it wasn’t doing anything good for my life and could honestly be dangerous since they have a history of suing people, making false accusations, etc. But I heard on a post online that “withholding contact as punishment” is a form of abuse, and I do not know if this applies here. And if I claim that I cut off contact because they are not good for me, does that mean I am blaming the victim? I have been abused in childhood but I also dealt with my abuse in all the wrong ways, and I became abusive myself (not to this person) in the past. However I am completely reformed now, in a lot of therapy, but I am so, so scared of messing up again accidentally by not knowing what is abuse and what isn’t. Can someone help me figure out if this is abuse or is it okay to stop talking to this person?",10.866555998229305,6.048633282868526,10.659575033200534,68.31184152279769,60.79282868525897,13.864718902169102,42.2315183709606,10.980518767755715,4.3792971226206285,978,36,198,17,9,327,131,251,0.27899999999999997,0.61,0.111,-0.9954,1,0,0,0,6,0,23.0,0,0,4,0,8,18,6,1,15,2,30,3,0,1,1,45,39,22,0,5,15,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,3,18,12,0,5,7,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,7,1,26,9,33,28,6,24,0,0,0,0,18,13,0,6,8,158,44,0,0.0,0.7513510720097537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244582348783596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454891444299334,0.0,0.0846906291005376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055223610769167104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498324609731908,0.0,0.0,0.07232977518663991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927705011879939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103323731376772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999060748277706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196735532056715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072143344945264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094336890061127,0.09957320983958354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279746172939123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403495377727122,0.0,0.0,0.06047039086722492,0.0,0.0,0.09868047474232576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729592776770467,0.06280459536985669,0.2373024657330549,0.09464861877312387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735228319922877,0.0,0.0976727348846427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069768707713707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987610578465396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675770773722176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272151295808146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280192461355388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728138489776432,0.0,0.0,0.10359903751877472,0.0,0.060184829028209534,0.058047242001693325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190715091717631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435345465024568,0.09904735654979796,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ruberiot,2019/09/19,Team Processing Your Emotions and Trauma By Listening to Relatable Music make some noise. What are some songs or bands that really help for y'all? My go-to band is The Crane Wives.,2.906764705882356,5.79417467647059,3.3426470588235304,86.23691176470591,81.64705882352942,8.105882352941178,20.264705882352946,8.841846274778883,1.7517882352941183,145,4,27,4,4,45,32,34,0.078,0.838,0.084,0.0498,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,4,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,3,0,15,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6612789498945217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33410225363411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39403944641049976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924103564087161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3766070384348898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tallcommie,2019/09/19,"Exhausted by mass homicide trauma. My biggest trigger is anything to do with mass murder. School shootings specifically. Living in America, it's impossible to escape the reminders. It's always being talked about. More and more happen every year. Even today I went to go search on the app for here and Sandy Hook is fucking trending. I guess its for an ad for gun control. Good intentions, hard reminder that this is the world we live in. That I live in, that my friends, family live in. There are so many people who joke about it too. I know the world doesn't revolve around me, I don't expect it to. But I wish I could go a day without these fucking triggers. I'm so tired. I've been in therapy for a very long time with multiple therapists and my current one helps a lot. I have a wonderful psychiatrist too, he's been switching around my meds recently after having a few years of the same ones because my depression has been so bad lately. So I've got my bases covered. I just want to know-- does anyone else feel drained just by existing with PTSD?",3.2625486129115866,5.5865724236453245,4.0970391495981335,84.71860513352348,75.99507389162562,7.0323049001814875,26.94036816178377,8.032893268588372,1.8414,834,33,156,14,19,267,134,203,0.133,0.772,0.095,-0.8759,1,0,0,2,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,1,15,10,3,0,11,0,15,4,0,4,0,28,30,8,1,4,4,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,11,9,0,1,4,1,0,3,3,7,0,2,5,2,17,3,27,23,5,26,0,1,0,2,6,13,2,3,10,103,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064541310237724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945677567400065,0.13108694260217826,0.1052815449808128,0.22778274651413885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682235030380023,0.07798942619939668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349262616230396,0.10214757031220624,0.0,0.0,0.08250901216424161,0.0,0.11019225930788756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11195884447668154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10687524636675927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450141860681848,0.0,0.10779274233173304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060795535133835,0.0,0.06468897248657028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098844085725315,0.2365520525421812,0.0,0.0,0.14541949817467495,0.1073077862658347,0.102323192799977,0.0,0.14093742404554813,0.0,0.1131345834995579,0.0,0.11460674365409852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575371452117539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14062205263399807,0.0,0.14431891281649806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518841254973414,0.113220536216159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876776701503936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297084008391838,0.0,0.0,0.1421095637519827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17338733017202407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869565548790866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955192556732633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632270692650624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947943693442066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283120248823903,0.0,0.0,0.14630751916370693,0.14854513385512422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460130251882549,0.14704517311696055,0.12126965642558145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556171935106894,0.07546076871767451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185992129717244,0.0,0.0,0.14712164824069549,0.1233270480271148,0.13874260772536887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16477492841676286 ptsd,PerfectlyImperfect9,2019/09/19,"Dealing with lost and grief... So trigger warning, post contains mentions of drugs and death of loved one. Negative thoughts. . . . . Over a year ago now, July 2018, I was actively using. So was my girlfriend. Some pretty potent stuff, speed and molly myself, her too but she also used smack. Long story short she was having trouble with her own PTSD and woke me up to talk, I did what I could for her, spending roughly two hours trying to get her to come to bed. In the end she did, but she must of gotten back up after I fell asleep. I dont fully know what she used, but she was gone the next time I woke up, curled up in the corner of the room, not moving and all I could do was stare and wait to see her take another breath. It broke me, more than my past traumas already have. I blocked it out for a year. Never called 911. I just left back to my cousin's apartment where I had been staying for the most part. I went on a date a few days later, she was already completely forgotten. It wasn't until this July, 2019, a week before the anniversary, that it came rushing back. I had been clean for 10 months, and then I do a hookup and use. I go through withdrawal and back to replacing substances with cigarettes. Over the course of the past week I've gone from occasional cigarettes to just getting stoned and smoking half a pack. Seriously been considering finding someone to get marijuana from. I honestly just need to chill the fuck out. Been hospitalized, lost my apartment, and moved to a room for rent the past week. Started a fulltime group therapy program, and looking to return to work Friday with reduced hours. I'm just struggling seeing much purpose in living, like I want to self harm but, it'll just hurt later on. So now thinking of drinking, which also won't do me much good tomorrow... just cant seem to get over this...",3.703168528411851,5.516929416901412,4.208363283147161,86.69394366197183,73.14084507042253,6.9247207382224385,26.607576493443407,7.6298220110432995,1.4278149587178244,1433,51,281,18,29,452,202,355,0.13,0.8059999999999999,0.063,-0.9791,1,0,4,0,0,0,58.0,0,0,0,3,19,15,1,1,19,0,27,6,2,5,3,53,61,23,2,5,11,1,1,1,1,3,1,0,5,1,12,20,1,3,5,1,2,10,7,11,0,3,25,5,36,4,50,31,9,68,0,5,4,2,21,22,1,3,35,194,48,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366385579258348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20830553755025516,0.15095433566186958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896764687039762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902954075511862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803120416205811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637446796021498,0.1079477449694857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130164593553978,0.09895762187061148,0.0,0.0,0.15071252746136402,0.0,0.0,0.06086851465779471,0.0973035900927782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061487875115232,0.09245832614816968,0.10945303465464347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359434549169491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626334272774193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725454165439242,0.1972425799769346,0.0,0.05363940631451695,0.07916305613034845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589431080827487,0.0,0.10103777131783476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05186982153490897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254620575271586,0.0,0.0,0.04611022678798556,0.0,0.08334094299210451,0.08352500760181651,0.07925702163597849,0.0,0.20605797652952254,0.0,0.08518334571550748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753347286309312,0.2006260368300342,0.13876310600684955,0.06998297969622527,0.07279313636420533,0.0,0.10037621673493488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395561509719322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220639551174772,0.27029459672039524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039176644171944,0.0960203187531418,0.0,0.0,0.11032738527248244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504203022935422,0.08592173303960893,0.09846090106197708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996947388102893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680399150331856,0.1005985428239302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866844981231272,0.10804468981830584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096343953709272,0.07586059257956654,0.0,0.0,0.10793392310932573,0.0,0.0,0.06047610774167441,0.0,0.07492868256507472,0.0550348423372067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407911173806792,0.0,0.0921973977984202,0.0,0.0,0.32606261736920045,0.0,0.0,0.05566888738938093,0.0,0.22712239092315226,0.0,0.0,0.08749296281480548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871114409691564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155769269916812 ptsd,pocketrocket-0,2019/09/19,"Sub for complex ptsd? Is there a sister sub, I can't find, for complex PTSD? Or does this sub encompass it all?",-1.1484782608695632,0.7834662173913074,1.0177173913043518,98.00744565217391,104.2173913043478,4.039130434782609,18.793478260869566,5.985473137389443,-0.08186086956521699,85,3,19,1,4,28,18,23,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32918951553981146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34381320593779946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8794468388034814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,voiddoggie,2019/09/19,"relationship advice after sexual assault (TW: SA) hey guys i’ve met someone i kinda like but i have massive issues with opening up to people and being truthful. He knows a bit about what’s gone on but i’ve skirted around the main topics. I get triggered fairly easily and hate feeling things for other people but it’s all started happening and I’m absolutely bloody terrified. I also have difficulty putting my feelings into words because I’m so used to keeping things quiet so i don’t get in trouble. Most of my thoughts come across in really raw emotions or flashes of future scenarios that could occur- me defending myself or him suddenly turning on me particularly. I can feel this frustrating him already and I’m terrified of pissing him off in case it all comes crashing down again even though i know that logically he wouldn’t do anything damaging like that. So my main questions: How do i translate feelings i don’t understand into words and get the courage to convey them? How do I prevent myself from getting triggered from small things like touching my hip, certain tones of voice, and so on? How can I interpret his moods accurately so i don’t get scared? Thank you everyone <3",4.703914027149325,7.249287932126702,5.538504524886879,75.0355395927602,72.39366515837105,8.039909502262446,32.76945701357466,8.841846274778883,3.26206226244344,967,48,154,20,20,315,140,221,0.185,0.705,0.11,-0.977,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,0,14,15,4,1,3,0,13,2,2,6,4,47,40,21,0,2,5,0,5,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,11,13,0,2,11,0,0,4,4,7,0,0,3,7,26,7,26,34,6,24,0,1,0,0,13,15,1,5,8,107,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052817464330866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586964509384191,0.11500374692403945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834228775801542,0.12802021161068636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766443462672913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570018290045489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477568828396479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481952664992033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176540534277994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949842747705793,0.0,0.0,0.13741535352009762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908559519399613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756704908615915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239319965409508,0.1271695380071401,0.0,0.0,0.14198129559166234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009889596906004,0.0,0.1278237595980041,0.0,0.0,0.15806697575504092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077296636303366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993976586599071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456744046202,0.1610986302390578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212752082473112,0.0,0.0,0.1543967000470107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439775731580461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184862522217045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017885216569364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323997083427089,0.0,0.0,0.2866202844966879,0.0,0.1412912948531843,0.1141680258375272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642254471677305,0.0,0.14970990429110162,0.0,0.124204523722035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ssjAWSUM,2019/09/19,"I can't stand silence when I'm with people. To be honest I'm annoying myself, so I have to be annoying others as well. How can I stay quiet? Whether I'm in the car with my girlfriend of 7 years, or among coworkers, I get anxious and make jokes, silly comments, or dumb observations. It has to be annoying people, regardless of the chuckles and smiles. I'm medicated with Seroquel, Zoloft, Adderall, buspirone, and some more I can't remember. Any advice?",3.496976744186046,5.855109569767443,5.0676162790697665,77.87723837209303,75.3953488372093,8.020930232558143,30.51744186046513,8.841846274778883,2.9287953488372094,357,17,62,8,8,120,59,86,0.14800000000000002,0.696,0.155,-0.264,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,4,0,2,0,8,2,0,2,0,14,14,10,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,1,7,5,11,11,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,3,2,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30913901681451994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21513264645327895,0.0,0.0,0.357391764607569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528273634231014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21116980988030526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31869497012232884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386422602421247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583692085657528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33719296172119884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28444166416677424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372262495375626 ptsd,menacrystal,2019/09/19,"I wish I was aborted Since I was a teenager I started to hate my parents for their decision to give birth to me. My mother said she didn't want me and she wanted abortion, my father was not ready, too, but my religious (now dead) grandmother convinced them to keep a baby so they got married and I was born. Then my father became an alcoholic and my mother worked days and nights, they didn't care about me and in the end my father has left. My grandparents took care of me and I loved them, but now when they are dead I am mad at them, too. I hate my parents for being cowards and for not taking responsibility for their actions. I wish I was never born. I hate that I have to deal with life in general. I believe they all owe me. I am 28 years old now, but I feel like a child. I have no goals and no motivation to move on, I don't care about anything. I change jobs frequently and I am just a mess. I don't know if I will ever heal. I feel I cannot forgive them all... Is there a way out of this? I want to live, although I have thoughts about suicide.",2.01440925087984,3.3931687239819013,3.6146229260935137,91.01558949220717,76.69230769230771,6.540070387129211,23.58999497234793,7.1686216300943375,0.695717747611865,812,25,185,9,18,270,117,221,0.22699999999999998,0.6859999999999999,0.086,-0.9869,5,0,1,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,10,3,13,12,4,0,7,0,21,4,0,1,4,36,45,17,3,6,7,7,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,11,1,1,7,0,1,3,10,5,0,0,11,3,51,7,22,32,2,27,0,0,0,1,25,6,0,1,18,135,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13978586360603173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763759579368903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473672751354231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000792183508817,0.0,0.13836949448220875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08435544617330372,0.13484948339361932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585034317268668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183164629162016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227323884898345,0.0934438418874207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254756757591274,0.0,0.0,0.10461303991056424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874149873562303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297992280470529,0.11626141786757678,0.0,0.0,0.07188448680087127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211503251364466,0.0,0.0923882006267688,0.06390247528990166,0.0,0.1154991619251311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805248041232147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902013993544984,0.0,0.0,0.1008813428564638,0.0,0.0,0.1227473278636884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725303148134807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904767610942126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244211466949828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819945410417038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925812062459846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430744231354485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834563300580136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384091815759976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453240727108614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23144841927408225,0.10382328036469853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008280417753996,0.0,0.0,0.0952242592078964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842311781475561 ptsd,orangeleaves_,2019/09/19,"the people that have hurt me have great lives now and I envy them it makes me physically sick to know the people who have hurt emotionally physical/sexually are doing great now. It’s not fair because I am left with the damage they have done to me and although I am trying to move on and create a good life for myself once again, I find myself wanting them to struggle . I know that sounds so cruel but I don’t get why they are living to the fullest when they are the ones who deserve to be in my position. Makes me feel down to the point I don’t want to live anymore. I will never get how a human being can hurt another person and just forget about it and pretend like nothing happened. I wonder if they realize the everlasting negative impact they have had on my life.",4.9570779220779215,5.6064437987012985,5.970545454545455,79.68581818181819,68.8051948051948,8.497662337662339,27.737662337662336,8.548686976883017,1.925334545454545,611,19,118,9,10,203,95,154,0.182,0.737,0.081,-0.9389,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,7,0,8,10,1,1,9,0,19,3,0,3,1,23,30,11,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,2,7,6,0,0,6,1,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,2,24,4,15,25,0,12,0,4,0,0,11,6,0,2,6,93,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860919568696454,0.0,0.0,0.14055139221528798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639318415793537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503210073118267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941959260524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165953880377586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953249254098573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480891083728576,0.0,0.0,0.1188707468720464,0.0,0.3125007900019349,0.0,0.0,0.12532541118996252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4551530445866774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577479514742038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398273718296654,0.0,0.20020666025676134,0.06923882634978254,0.0,0.3754327064702914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18920275373269616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062939713125928,0.0,0.0,0.1093057154403435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359872907234249,0.0,0.0,0.15093064705923226,0.0960353491248042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650612838166934,0.12374728452595388,0.0,0.0,0.13397429015514514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815992326754315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622079090351464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718410190267194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12788319893583375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369283047581528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hoIIie,2019/09/19,"Feeling nothing Lately I’ve noticed I started to numb my feelings - that’s the best way to put it. For example last night, I had a panic (or anxiety?) attack where I was overwhelmed with intense sadness and loneliness and crying uncontrollably. Then all of a sudden, nothing. I just stopped and felt *nothing*. Sometimes I purposely numb myself, but last night I didn’t even think I did it on purpose. It’s such a strange feeling, because I think I even numb myself in daily life. If colleagues or friends are telling me about a sad event in their lives or a happy event, I don’t really feel much emotion and find myself having to fake it. Does anyone else ever have something similar happen to them, and why do you think it is?",3.123571428571431,5.696967050724638,3.987619047619052,84.03000000000002,77.76811594202898,5.971842650103519,29.422360248447205,7.1686216300943375,1.92267950310559,575,27,100,7,14,184,93,138,0.201,0.6729999999999999,0.126,-0.8698,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,2,1,7,13,1,3,6,0,10,4,0,0,2,24,20,11,0,1,6,0,5,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,9,0,0,1,2,10,0,0,5,5,18,3,11,15,3,18,0,3,0,0,5,4,0,4,12,71,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081048907876318,0.0,0.0,0.09881009628463756,0.1447929832322865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607651762527086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614375662307379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830041732806162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15522689044483068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366491100654405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804978778162087,0.15895932902797133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866732451693961,0.12782668328919025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28581059631506484,0.0,0.1356836858162612,0.0,0.12915851662362735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917891410794417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496358162350643,0.15043147476439622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23037968587700414,0.15940844685772526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981431974974117,0.0,0.0,0.12478292899972206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038821147384546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652273980593708,0.0,0.40678403707732425,0.1608870262003482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658016348475733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205968999637886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052942354564647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879048918704544,0.13976324676169494,0.0,0.10002283906778406,0.0,0.0,0.11814490547956055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351474188110545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716450853894403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216854569615274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751398472788805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,slytherinyourinbox,2019/09/19,"Miracle Drug for Nightmares/Flashbacks I'm new to this sub, so I apologize if this has already been discussed. I was diagnosed with PTSD about 10+ years ago. I've always done individual outpatidkt therapy with drugs as treatment, but recently I tried inpatient therapy. The hospital psychiatrist prescribed me what I can only describe as a miracle drug. Like some of you, I struggle to sleep. I can go 3+ days without sleeping, then crash for 10 hours. Then when I do sleep, I always have really vivid nightmares (usually flashbacks to my PTSD triggering event). On this new drug, however, I'm either not dreaming at all or my dreams are vivid but never ""bad."" I've had a few where I knew normally I would wake up feeling scared or uncomfortable, but when I wake up I feel completely rested and secure/comfortable. As we all know, no drug works for everyone. But I wanted to share with others so they could discuss with their psychiatrists, too. The drug is called Minipress (brand name) or Prazosin (generic name). Fair warning: depending on how you look it up, the drug will appear as treatment for hypertension. The prescription for PTSD patients is a more recent off label use.",5.294694835680751,7.675105629107982,5.755516431924884,74.87487089201879,70.17370892018779,9.428169014084506,32.960093896713616,9.861636050157227,3.7352234741784014,941,45,155,25,18,302,139,213,0.07400000000000001,0.805,0.121,0.845,1,0,7,0,0,0,38.0,1,2,2,1,8,5,0,2,7,0,15,13,5,4,3,36,26,20,0,5,11,0,2,1,0,2,8,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,2,0,2,4,3,0,0,5,5,21,2,27,18,7,25,0,0,3,0,12,8,0,7,16,104,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926218592117057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867314917119396,0.0,0.14880310745767353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465890481783177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913040753997094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375132605017482,0.0,0.0,0.07139166763905659,0.0,0.0,0.057666138858248776,0.0,0.0,0.09075569784494672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150395541259276,0.0,0.0,0.7258619256992467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544113996325277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042317129145534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050817363791394135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805707844437828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049140879287114386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04368430469661232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508720133630335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896338990864717,0.17271770709908305,0.0,0.0,0.08760902343282426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800515203611697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3135687319507685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728239384911305,0.0,0.17657568712792815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952135015951415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26844273127954266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347736772933304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451074360957394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060707822035336374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722700428705345,0.0984794603784734,0.0,0.052740071091403926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619415612870085,0.0,0.06509615683704667,0.0,0.0,0.06351879891732412,0.0,0.0,0.0575811881223629 ptsd,sandqueenoverlord,2019/09/19,"New post/first post here. (NSFW-potential trigger, warning) Delete this if it violates any rules. Lately I've been trying a new therapy on top of like everything else. It was sort of an indirect result of me solving another issue all together. I was 18 when I received an untreated sport injury (untreated as in ignored or mistreated for approximately 6 weeks), and it honestly left a deep deep scar on the tapestry of my life. I've given birth. I've had my son cut out of me minutes after my legs finally went numb. I don't think I've ever in my life experienced pain like that ever again. And yet, everyday things like walking and standing and basic human things are painful and sometimes debilitating. I finally met a therapist that believed I wasn't crazy or making up the things I finally said aloud for once. The things that keep me up at night. The things that replay over on a loop in the back of my mind throughout my day. Life has been full of remembrances today. This one was strange because it felt more of an 'ah-ha!' moment than dreadful or worrisome. I remembered something today that I had not thought about in years. But here goes eh. So when I was 15 I got braces put on. I was in foster care, officially from age 10 to 19. Unnofically I've been talking to and meeting with and being taken away by social workers for about 2/3s of my childhood [first time I spoke with a social worker I had just turned 6]. My mom was the first daughter in her family to not have to attend Residential School in Ontario, Canada. I won't say much about a story that isn't mine, just that our entire family is the result and product of generational trauma. So anyways, when I was 15 I had to have the least expensive option for my orthodontics. Which translated to straightening, but not fixing, my genetically doomed teeth. So that meant that I had metal brackets and a thin piece of wire tensed in my mouth for however freaking long. My Foster Mom, who was my older siblings dad's first cousin (who also banged said first cousin), used go get very explosively angry. I honestly don't remember what the argument or fight was about or how it started. All I remember was being in the car on the way home and it getting silent. Which is always the worst. And then her fist was gnashing my cheek into metal. I think I finally figured out why she was never able to become a nurse. She was so incredibly squeamish around blood. Like nearly pass out within minutes squeamish with blood. She had a panic attack when she walked in on me in the middle of the night one time when I was oj my period. Anyways, I digress. I guess she had hit me much harder than she had anticipated. I had blood dripping down my chin and it didn't stop until we got home. My mouth was f'd up dude. I couldn't let it get infected and since I had an abscess on one of my teeth, I couldn't use salt (which I guess would make it worse because bacteria?), so I had to gargle with salt water for a solid two weeks until my mouth finally healed up. She got mad at me for having used her mouthwash and confronted me about it. But idk what tf that conversation turned out like. Anywho, that's one random PTSD memory I had today. I saw blood bu accident today. 👌",4.1321065541601225,5.8381132644230815,5.242235740450028,80.16024725274727,71.8044871794872,8.363108320251177,26.837257980115123,8.957266950251167,2.1651703035060184,2543,88,477,51,49,839,308,624,0.125,0.83,0.046,-0.9945,1,0,1,0,2,0,73.0,2,0,0,7,29,24,6,2,28,0,49,20,11,9,5,75,82,39,0,4,14,7,2,5,0,2,8,4,2,1,35,25,1,3,9,1,1,9,12,16,0,9,46,10,71,8,80,28,9,103,1,1,1,0,34,42,0,12,54,332,106,3,0.06739663197633328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053897062241741255,0.056079396835928885,0.0,0.0,0.045832020872894313,0.07067124504778105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059997291374684326,0.0,0.07667339856677878,0.06332135430322312,0.05182384984398318,0.0,0.08216872259970223,0.07443428493340823,0.0,0.07593292486558695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871535804993185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346525204048413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630123786930113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192822430518567,0.0,0.0,0.060571747060411525,0.0,0.1270710929612925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647113359005477,0.3691485800436404,0.0,0.2866377036474184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563587554269664,0.0,0.03830305910814359,0.0,0.1617097301729257,0.0,0.1484899769708119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520863411548878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034457358858481,0.0,0.05990522318874907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602633645996215,0.0,0.07322663784216983,0.06891762245732147,0.14281270296025686,0.16463295024129704,0.0,0.0,0.059643898450730475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997555037525322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805138567599604,0.15786824162458835,0.0,0.0,0.09908855851694036,0.0,0.05198043745071644,0.13018417427547774,0.0,0.12649434707345833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177521346667769,0.182678808262834,0.0,0.14342953647737336,0.07907542620864895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290946865670159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878305614644986,0.0677522302108749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22904173752292706,0.0,0.12821926136584086,0.05359650685031171,0.0,0.06820898969450523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05575119042840069,0.0,0.0,0.13740475768374552,0.0,0.0518852199969061,0.06665699235201095,0.0,0.047703683001409744,0.0,0.0,0.05634660215362485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054170859843531496,0.0,0.0,0.07707392233965593,0.0782526843194787,0.22387663773927666,0.08637008082741962,0.0,0.05350539751236303,0.07859903618951437,0.0,0.2555365065289296,0.0,0.0,0.04575788908081722,0.14661636432037306,0.06583671632723062,0.0,0.0,0.17462715237027734,0.0,0.05560927972677342,0.0,0.053496309407816516,0.10812302573848548,0.0,0.0,0.062477353060023014,0.06081497748312752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06868292583923702,0.047876633652148885,0.0,0.0,0.043401221307381284 ptsd,bst722,2019/09/19,"Today is the 2 year anniversary of the worst day of my life (possible TW - workplace accident/death) I don't know if anyone will even read this, but I need to vent. Took today off work so I didn't have to be at the place where my trauma occured. Been trying to keep myself busy all day so I didn't spend the whole day thinking about the most traumatic experience I've ever gone through. But who am I kidding? It's always on my mind anyway. How does anyone ever move on from an experience like this? It hurts every single day. I am no longer the person I once was. All the memories that randomly come flooding back. All the little things that most people wouldn't think twice about that trigger the flashbacks. All those assholes who made the most fucked up, insensitive comments I've ever heard in my life before they even knew what happened. And then having to be nice to them for the sake of customer service. I hate them. But I still wouldn't wish this on anyone. No one deserves to go through this. I feel so alone.",2.81445789473684,5.084203930000001,3.5012631578947366,88.70878947368423,77.2,6.010526315789473,22.52631578947368,7.0608816371341465,0.72885,806,24,158,9,19,254,127,200,0.21600000000000005,0.746,0.039,-0.9918,0,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,3,1,15,7,2,0,12,0,15,3,0,3,7,31,32,10,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,0,2,14,2,0,1,5,1,1,5,7,5,0,2,9,2,18,2,22,18,10,28,0,1,0,1,9,10,1,5,14,114,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452398692857706,0.0,0.0,0.1080765712403243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27246049061924593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987525393680254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052445670707704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188633815173647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350660437647501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11366518062475535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17157856628276574,0.3524712772556884,0.10943558398127283,0.0,0.0,0.2541092471332565,0.0,0.0,0.0656748805910307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12007864097312893,0.0,0.0,0.07381789979901207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485883878572938,0.0,0.0,0.12823673810968875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904695431047087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544972818748984,0.0,0.0,0.0713826187076998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834863679753272,0.06345633433724354,0.13018111601568386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290242714134797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114906448677302,0.0,0.0,0.13804955816395986,0.0,0.09630972707940152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832564915446788,0.0880149410891426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900474433153334,0.1134125096305824,0.1357044987497532,0.0,0.0,0.1464283234877567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992236830705833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372810086035036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629129681427478,0.1664529706139192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462357925601252,0.0,0.14430947945842088,0.08818489566709133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501444145223144,0.14936389169837588,0.0,0.0,0.09455944236744628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364311050398228 ptsd,Str3ssT3std,2019/09/19,"Crying in your sleep? DAE I've always had nightmares, so much so that I usually brush them off as ""stress dreams"". The other night I kept my poor wife up for several hours because she was trying to hold & console me as I was sobbing loudly & crying in my sleep (she couldn't wake me up). She said she'd only heard me like that when my Dad died a few years ago, but I was always awake then. It clicked in my head today that 3-5 times a week for the last several years I wake up in the morning with tears running down my face but I feel fine so figured I was just having some kind of watery-eye irritation thing & never gave it much thought until this week's sobbing incident. Anybody have this? Thoughts?",3.333996212121214,4.6826468819444464,4.019621212121212,89.5602272727273,73.2361111111111,6.625252525252527,24.896464646464647,6.980632752743323,0.859980555555556,557,17,117,5,11,177,97,144,0.153,0.82,0.027000000000000003,-0.9436,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,0,5,6,0,1,5,0,9,6,6,0,1,13,16,10,1,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,9,1,0,2,4,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,11,6,21,3,17,3,4,25,0,2,1,0,11,9,2,1,16,73,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497097002813097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23461463327140905,0.4582579031462693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859405851649526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097215705726841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463158090336336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712841268379325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468697043072262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883768638404287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680980511005676,0.0,0.11491816581101195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887609607902492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727421414552605,0.0,0.10873308164732202,0.0,0.0,0.13230092745278985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722224876962562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341050219909138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31853634348788873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821652227992613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149302635761756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936613769490206,0.0,0.0,0.22384600983014635,0.08220703632494622,0.0,0.1336333108711582,0.0,0.0,0.09571670677359853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527043000788035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261725826514029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815740217455187 ptsd,PopularWonder,2019/09/19,"I've been diagnosed with PTSD but it doesn't feel right (Mention of violence) This is going to be a long post. Sorry! I've always had anxiety but a little over a year ago I got the courage to solo-travel New Zealand long term. I gained a ton of confidence while doing this, and overcame a lot of my social anxiety. Eventually I got a job in Christchurch, it wasn't all perfect, I had my ups and downs but I was doing pretty well - going for walks frequently, exploring the city, living a 'normal life'. Then the shooting happened. To be clear, I didn't see/hear/experience anything. My life was never in actual danger, I was just living in the city at the time. At first it was disbelief, then fear (not knowing if they caught everyone) then crippling sadness. I had such a strong desire to run away and just go home but I couldn't right away. One of my coworkers was shot and spent months in ICU. I left Christchurch a little over a week after the attack. It felt wrong, but I had been offered a job back home and had already put my notice in at work. At first when I got back home and started my new job I was mostly fine. I was living with my parents until I could get an apartment in the city closer to work. I moved into my apartment in May and started having issues pretty quickly. Waking up multiple times a night, disoriented and sweaty. Random attacks of sadness and excessive anger over small problems. Being afraid of random people on the street. Wanting/needing to go do something (go to the store for example) and having a mental block. Anxiety over inconsequential things. I started going to therapy in June and he diagnosed me with PTSD. He gave me an ESA letter to get a dog which has helped immensely. But the therapy wasn't helping, my brain would kind of just shut off and I wouldn't have anything to say and I wouldn't remember anything he would say. It was really just giving me more anxiety so I stopped going. The diagnosis just doesn't feel right to me. Maybe because I know I was never in any actual danger. I get intrusive memories of the sadness and aftermath though. Recently I've been even more hyper-vigilant than usual. I listen to audiobooks at work so my mind doesn't wander but it makes me anxious because I don't always know when someone approaches me, and I jump when they do. I get anxious walking outside when its too quiet, dark, rainy (hood up, peripheral vision blocked) or too crowded, and I cant walk with headphones in. I feel like I am constantly stressed and anxious even though I have no real reason to be. I scratch at arms and hands and have a hard time making myself stop. I've always had problems with anxiety and mood swings so I'm having a hard time distinguishing from old symptoms and new. Part of myself keeps thinking that this isn't PTSD, this is just my anxiety coming back. I don't even know what I am looking for from posting this, other than maybe if other people have gone through the same thoughts.",3.427874493927128,5.689918868421056,4.459736842105265,82.61219635627533,75.22807017543859,7.191632928475034,26.751012145748987,8.139509932561175,1.9196639676113358,2345,90,426,40,52,762,265,570,0.154,0.7559999999999999,0.09,-0.9856,4,0,1,1,0,0,68.0,0,0,2,8,26,22,5,3,31,0,55,9,4,3,5,89,95,45,0,12,17,1,8,1,0,5,5,4,3,0,18,28,0,5,14,0,2,19,17,14,1,3,30,13,55,7,66,54,9,107,0,3,1,0,18,41,0,8,46,301,73,6,0.0,0.0,0.11730731224304335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327931642051115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632718837869138,0.0,0.150036131752868,0.0,0.0,0.040873354031155607,0.0,0.2758802403157657,0.2037040918259287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838349251434213,0.0,0.0,0.13675587088263344,0.11294095625176975,0.13865074165974522,0.0,0.07327870831660656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709688217413079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177499982844417,0.0,0.06495198218274087,0.0,0.047988826017392384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201030002513985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909604496762713,0.0,0.0,0.057432752813033915,0.0,0.058794069249491515,0.0,0.06763465803328403,0.09117244305705076,0.04293891154223897,0.057710074566150925,0.0,0.0,0.10225029677264184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560919802982184,0.057658041806702816,0.2391127700481857,0.0,0.1442139998576772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315051378624586,0.0,0.10768426629877878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774252586442008,0.0,0.08057401803927329,0.0,0.18087017324408766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273383991578145,0.17893434576709966,0.05342394572780505,0.0,0.06258994435532965,0.1321281983983741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530408731778913,0.0,0.08490765563853579,0.029364190067324058,0.12048168472969364,0.15922103148587158,0.10638178857248587,0.05047292996822327,0.0,0.0,0.05109898778435524,0.0,0.0,0.0802408982757901,0.0,0.12076678600499785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060571544501725465,0.0,0.06068875703211045,0.0,0.04797511190652693,0.06388193561722072,0.0,0.04456697918070285,0.09271311987353363,0.17414889447616136,0.0,0.05640432313918641,0.058889984253168125,0.0,0.06842976163929962,0.06306992155547406,0.0,0.0407285968516627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673931474653733,0.06508768733024425,0.0,0.08333825986655308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151276493399252,0.12229646595132157,0.0,0.11502443400830605,0.2107780336237377,0.06042196785276875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841246947044699,0.03850470122343762,0.061797788610383875,0.059346280936628026,0.0,0.06808706989412765,0.1539876214450651,0.0,0.09559556648839107,0.0,0.0,0.04789577772888764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126931781982992,0.050926638062823305,0.046271644268083376,0.0,0.06728245040229744,0.1276275507890457,0.0,0.0,0.10050067941210307,0.06884989409201703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062471945164459974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374702513378223,0.0,0.03993098667413992,0.03851275619232489,0.11810540531411005,0.047716531225310124,0.14019046821396489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619699254376038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048212479242242326,0.0,0.05404147177273955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312711237107278,0.0,0.0,0.08539351134051977,0.06571520993513118,0.0,0.03870554800105422 ptsd,cloudsunmoon,2019/09/19,"I am struggling to trust my psychiatrist. Really, I struggle to trust most people. But has anyone had luck with Luvox (Fluvoxamine) in treating PTSD? So I have been diagnosed with PTSD with multiple health professionals this year. My psychiatrist was more hesitant to give me this diagnosis as he thinks my intrusive thoughts resemble OCD more. I am not a doctor, but am hesitant to understand his train of thought knowing that my intrusive thoughts are obviously linked to my traumas Anyways, I know you aren’t doctors, and you can’t diagnose me, but I am moving from a moderate dosage of Fluvoxamine to a high dosage of Fluvoxamine. I like him as a person as I feel I can be open about my embarrassing symptoms, and I think he genuinely cares. BUT It is going to be difficult to find the will to actually start taking more medicine like he prescribed. It could be because: taking meds makes me feel defeated, I don’t know if I trust my psychiatrist, I worry about loosing control of things so I hate meds, my cognitive distortions say I am just making my symptoms up. Long story, short question: has anyone had success in using Luvox (Fluvoxamine) to relieve PTSD symptoms?",6.630916271721957,8.346164919431285,7.288417061611375,67.86254660347552,65.6824644549763,10.934723538704581,36.81548183254344,10.93419730881044,4.655098325434438,942,48,151,28,15,311,121,211,0.146,0.727,0.126,-0.6863,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,0,3,6,17,1,3,5,0,23,8,0,4,1,35,44,12,0,2,7,0,2,2,0,1,8,1,0,1,6,6,0,1,14,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,7,3,31,10,26,32,4,11,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,4,5,107,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.11129700824975124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594937696290899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952423381031075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628226576422387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791753161328828,0.09106018479202407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23151807178597955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334714002640437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11533489774899418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424025211281254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940780130278127,0.06481762775010885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126014310528142,0.0,0.12123053586248532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050080153200178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880378073538296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114387992250343,0.0,0.0,0.10093125973123124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522594243548133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533691813993764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121781974970665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906837876116901,0.09958465157442893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999574126885455,0.0,0.1277628593961874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306378379619352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906976756065695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072565583768676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23846106025539365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556269663023963,0.17150382988253832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577020167480669,0.14615813666507507,0.0,0.27163049265487504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187307764428361,0.0,0.09850316589980206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582399813069785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344489636348205 ptsd,lovelypenguin23,2019/09/19,"Unable to work After a recent move, I have had to call into work sick 4 days in the past month, due to crippling anxiety and panic attacks. I went to therapy yesterday and it brought back so many terrible flashbacks and dreams that I was up all night crying. I simply couldn’t make it to work in the morning. Has PTSD ever impacted your career like this? I am trying to decide if I should tell my supervisors the truth or continue calling in sick.",6.488965517241379,6.491273068965522,7.200597701149423,74.42917241379313,65.43678160919539,10.178390804597699,32.342528735632186,9.888512548439397,3.123705287356322,355,13,64,7,5,118,67,87,0.217,0.705,0.078,-0.9257,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,3,3,5,1,1,4,0,7,2,0,1,3,13,10,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,3,1,3,0,0,4,0,8,2,12,4,1,19,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,12,44,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936068129267965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221175756091646,0.0,0.15013013771723474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987307210773871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144657280800529,0.1259158533068692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660885057423675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538607250109647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303264984142148,0.19794618241488887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584143448439464,0.20751285590796087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322272277881366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290760849009331,0.0,0.0,0.1863819358915268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282291088882577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927793221305595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065135409361176,0.0,0.22327786550198608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255746553052766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18099260566992686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4264186035733884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nextstopwilloughbyy,2019/09/19,"EMDR vs PE thoughts on Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing and Prolonged Exposure therapy? Which is more effective? Has anyone had success with PE? I. was about halfway through my prolonged exposure therapy when I had to quit. It was taking too much of a toll on my life and I could not function...I had so many symptoms resurface that hadn’t been present since I was a child, and had some that I never remembered experiencing before. I’m terrified to go back but I know I need to finally deal with this. I’m just curious what people’s thoughts if they have gone through either treatment so I can decide which therapist to seek out.",4.4814438502673815,7.058882873949585,5.287914438502675,76.41925133689844,73.2016806722689,8.69702062643239,33.507257448433926,9.339509955726095,3.5448084033613436,518,27,89,13,11,168,84,119,0.022000000000000002,0.9059999999999999,0.07200000000000001,0.6743,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,0,2,0,14,3,1,1,1,23,23,9,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,12,2,11,1,13,10,4,11,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,2,5,65,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14622203363811725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080088574571902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794628633743567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669658374081592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21559422665545605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290814704870234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884809503544065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492725037084935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477081125188783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120155349637288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153727753001357,0.15506032585504756,0.16128675134496173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449779407159783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224255720078392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368929516513022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172986777888056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21735644533417667,0.15723271724324814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4782954187087412,0.2428052139783904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320369033974294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,habitualharrypotter,2019/09/19,"Break up in person or over the phone? I can’t tell what’s a threat and what’s my PTSD. I need to break up with my boyfriend. We’ve been together 3 months. It’s really apparent at this point there are red flags that won’t change and I can’t keep ignoring. There have been some incidents with him that have really triggered my PTSD. I don’t think I’m actually unsafe around him, but honestly, I can’t tell what’s my PTSD and what’s an actual threat. (The thing I keep landing on is that he’s a heavy drinker and semi unpredictable when drinking, and there’s a gun at his house.) I know it’s generally the decent thing to break up with someone in person, and I’d like to do the right thing. Can you all help me decipher between an actual threat and just me being to cowardly to do this in person? Thanks all.",2.0287500000000023,3.8519096130952377,3.5279999999999987,89.71700000000001,77.86904761904762,7.813333333333333,21.319047619047613,8.648137234880735,1.1586519047619053,637,17,142,14,15,210,91,168,0.121,0.79,0.08800000000000001,-0.6662,1,0,2,1,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,6,7,3,0,9,0,15,1,0,1,2,25,22,10,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,14,11,1,3,2,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,1,17,3,20,18,3,19,0,0,1,0,12,14,0,2,3,92,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.4159434646510452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647971428596505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029988952347673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918253961589389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952320180310517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16393915918469998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525712524531385,0.0,0.0,0.07808245932424042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941222855724064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340545831777167,0.0,0.0,0.10534918000136208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721715943072325,0.0,0.0,0.13430981631698635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4982454142679478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18203785738491346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133400070204126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038239204840763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483652064364474,0.13080651150347794,0.0,0.0,0.2831713151822117,0.09103796934503876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,buartha,2019/04/11,"Feel like I've lost years of progress during career break Over years of education and working I got to the point where I could be around groups of people without that constant feeling of being on edge; I was still jumpier than average, and I had my bad days, but I felt like I'd finally reached the point where I could say I was (at least externally) functioning the same as I might have if all the things that went on when I was younger hadn't happened. Then I had some time off work after my husband and I got married and moved, and now that I've started somewhere else it's like I've lost most of the ground I covered. I'm constantly on edge, I can't deal with people walking behind me at all, I'm getting invasive thoughts, and I'm just going in for the odd seminar or lab to get acquainted with what I'll be doing and who I'll be working with when I start properly. Who knows what it will be like when I'm actually working. I feel like I've already caught people giving me odd looks when I overreact and thinking about that is making me worse. I feel so frustrated with myself for letting this happen. I could have mitigated this if I'd gone out more, volunteered, started work earlier, anything like that. But I didn't and now I'm stuck feeling like it's going to take the same amount of time to get back where I was. I'm not sure I really want anything from posting other than a bit of a rant; I know it's just a matter of therapy/ medication/ exposure, and I'm nowhere near where I am at my worst, but I'm so disappointed in myself and I wanted to get it out.",8.266397515527949,5.628738621118014,8.478136645962735,75.24403726708077,63.409937888198755,11.808695652173913,37.90683229813665,10.125756701596842,3.5357552795031046,1244,48,259,21,14,412,160,322,0.149,0.762,0.09,-0.9639,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,8,18,14,1,0,10,0,25,1,0,1,3,53,68,25,0,7,10,1,6,7,0,2,1,1,0,0,18,18,0,0,10,0,0,7,5,6,0,0,18,8,32,8,41,39,11,51,1,3,1,0,7,21,0,6,28,170,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.09347691563157276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570630037637826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765349940725254,0.0852731290633457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365635572958694,0.07998038660702925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457752771569924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070292411446685,0.0,0.2294408091931389,0.0,0.0,0.0617764229367022,0.09875496007460413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001999112381268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421707168009814,0.20529651228711707,0.09197312031384942,0.10493291876471074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20018462928306466,0.09189019518715427,0.10887897196731984,0.0,0.15322352477235485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694130058210855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528701253206807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795144380504177,0.0,0.32758601412297683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043921092562037,0.0,0.2091315153513233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394035917204688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649803098036014,0.0,0.10161771924471397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180927670903364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19922552151619646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18110443031801707,0.0,0.09174004039844233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061365325636734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617580296165777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20340129816723151,0.0,0.07649776691390345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902806453571318,0.0,0.07202192263985441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954385400573168,0.0,0.06363841095754691,0.061378162920833236,0.0,0.07604631081033289,0.1117114723627522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129984771639782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879799852550578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233783896590972,0.0,0.3486801610044035,0.0,0.09761787349634793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337083429112143 ptsd,mackchopstick,2019/04/11,"nightmares about the trauma or just nightmares in general i've only had a trauma nightmare thingy once and what happened was i woke up at 3 AM because i thought i heard him scream my name even though he wasnt in the house, thought he was going to rip me out of bed. all my other dreams have been random nightmares. each one worse than next, always wake up sweaty. worst one was a dream where i saw a large gash in my leg and then little plant sprouts started to grow from the gash and i had to rip them out but their roots were so deep and it was so painful there was blood everywhere. i have a lot of zombie nightmares. i can't remember the last time i had a good dream",2.8977272727272734,4.3802184565217415,3.06939393939394,95.40136363636368,74.57971014492753,5.887747035573122,23.41501976284585,6.1124844417494595,0.2569478260869569,529,15,118,3,11,161,92,138,0.113,0.816,0.071,-0.687,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,8,6,0,0,9,0,15,4,3,1,1,19,23,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,3,7,0,0,3,3,0,2,2,5,0,2,16,3,15,1,16,7,4,18,0,0,1,0,7,11,0,3,5,78,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846019895203545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806794190458588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959639432699864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872110877211695,0.1899714605180106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028688327671426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26134234464093475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462190605896506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270053420695489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255612547948409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408777203220896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412074981713886,0.3069548398519628,0.17225802204615334,0.24100436617754395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25657225206480616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031280820464625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225280796308836,0.35962005403479325,0.13206980489690173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308155686149884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HeartAegis,2019/04/11,"I wrote my abuser after 4 years of silence. I used the term ""My woman"" because I didn't want him to know her name. I hope the post works this time. I hope that some of you can relate and that it brings a bit of hope, among all the anger that infects us. Dear Tom It's been a long time since I've even thought about wanting to talk to you. For me, I never have to ask why that is; although the question of why you think that is, may be different. I wanted to write a letter to address that specific topic, as well a few other topics that have been on my mind for a long time. I've never felt like I could ever be open with you, there are a lot of reasons for it. I want to address these things in this letter and maybe, for the first time, you could actually get to know a little about me. You may think you know me, but I challenge you to even try to explain who i am, what i love, how i love. I know that you can't tell me these things because it has taken me decades to even understand them myself. I suppose we're all changing, some more than others, as time passes. For me it isn't any different. I wake up in the morning to the sunrise, it shoots through my curtains to greet me. I leave my woman and dog to sleep in and make my coffee, on time, every morning. While waiting, I lean against the counter and gaze out the back window. A field of green grass and trees beyond that, about a quarter mile down. I have a nice plot in amish country. All day long the clop-clop-clop of Amish wagons by the house. My house is small but respectable, it's an atomic-age rancher with updated interior and appliances. Every inch of this house is filled with our things, each of us having our own spaces, so we can share what we want but still have our little worlds. In the back we have about 300 varying herbs, flowers, and crops planted so far; she prefers the sweeter smelling herbs and I prefer the peppers. I have a Rhodesian Ridgeback that's a registered service animal. It's actually surprising just how smart a dog can be. Someone dumped off a broken lawn mower the other day, I had a good time bringing it back to life. Earlier this year, a coworker couldn't figure out how to fix his truck; i managed to do it for him. It's only work when you're not having fun, right? When i'm doing these things, i achieve a peace that i have rarely ever felt in my life. Peace is very important for people with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My symptoms began around the age of 9 or 10. The depression was crushing. I also have had disassociative states, where entire days would pass and I wouldn't even notice. I guess the teachers started noticing that a student simply sat and stared for 8 hours without even uttering a word or opening a book. Besides that, was the fight or flight response that I would get from things that didn't make sense. I was so used to getting pounded or screamed at for simple things like asking a question or making a noise, that when I would be called on in school, I would become completely rattled. I never knew when the next attack from you would come, the anxiety kept me on edge and my nerves have been rattled my entire life because of that. I also had the anger to deal with. The only thing I understood about the anger was that it was always at myself, for being a failure. I hated myself, most of the time, for the first 20 years of my life. You never really took any interest in knowing what school was like for me; every now and then you'd ask ""how's school?"", as if that wasn't a rhetorical question. Any answer other than ""good"" would result in a melt down on your part and another attack; probably at some time that night, but I could never really tell. To say the least, because of this environment, my grades were never as good as they could have been. I was too busy wondering why I could never feel happy, talk to others, have fun. The closest thing I could compare to that was playing video games; but now I understand that in those stupid games I found a sense of peace. I was somewhere else in those games. A place away from you. Peace is important for people with PTSD. So you might be wondering what PTSD actually is. Honestly, I don't blame you if you don't know. You probably have seen some of it or have heard of some of it in those who went through the universally despised Vietnam War. There's a lot more awareness now for this disease in this day and age because of the 18 years of war our country has gone through and for our ability to communicate instantly. Or maybe it's the fact that it's come to light that more than 20 of our heroes commit suicide every day due to this disease. It's more than 7000 a year, about twice the number we lost on 9/11 and it has left my generation shattered and feeling lost. Even those who don't die, still suffer. Millions with drug problems, doing time that or for assault when they can't control this horrifying disease and it destroys what little they have left to love. But war PTSD is different from what I have for one main reason: before the years of combat, before the trauma, the victim knew what it was like to be ""normal"", then there was the trauma, and now they're not and will never be ""normal"" again. For me that's very different because I never knew what ""normal"" was. My earliest memories are of you abusing me. I never knew a life without anxiety or depression, so for me this has been a lifelong illness. The affects of the disease can vary from person to person. While most experience nearly all the symptoms, the level of those symptoms can be different. The ones I most commonly experience are extreme anxiety, depression, nightmares, flashbacks, anger. I have nightmares most nights. I know this because I've been told by friends and girlfriends over the past 15 years or so that I act very strange in my sleep. Most of the time I don't remember them, but instead I wake up and vomit. Other times I wake up struggling, even throwing punches. Sometimes I hit my woman, and it hurts her. I feel like a monster when that happens. Every few months I'll have a dream that doesn't involve me being murdered or being powerless to stop those I care about from dying in some way, which is nice. My anxiety is crushing. My hands permanently shake. Writing with a pen or pencil is almost impossible. There are times that ignorant people will say ""What's wrong with you?"". The anxiety has cost me many jobs. There are times when I'm at work, I feel completely surrounded and under attack for no apparent reason; I just have to leave. They usually fire me for this. I just have to get out of the building, away from everyone. Another thing about this is that i absolutely cannot have people touch me. Not even my woman touches me, I have to be the one to initiate contact. You can imagine how hard this is for someone who wants to get laid; thankfully my woman understands it and loves me regardless. There are also little things that my anxiety does to disrupt my life, like obsessingly checking locks to make sure no one is going to just barge into my house or my room and start beating on me or screaming at me. Or the fact that i cannot ever have a person stand behind me. In grocery lines I solved this by standing sideways. When this isn't possible, I leave. My depression has dominated my life. I started hating myself at a very young age. I acted out on this by destroying my own possessions, I felt like i didn't deserve them for my failures. I've had problems with suicidal thoughts for a long, long time. For years, I kept a rope under my bed and a razor in my wallet, just in case. Just in case i'll have to end my life that day. Sometimes I would lie awake in bed, thinking about where and how I'll do it. I think about the fallout. I decided that using a gun was bad, because it would be rude to whoever found my corpse. I guess that puts things in perspective: when I care more about a stranger finding my corpse or cleaning crew having to come, than actually ending my own life. If you want to know what real depression is, maybe that would explain it for you. Since my diagnosis, I have come to understand why I am this way and what i can do about it. I surround myself with peace, but I'm always prepared for war. I have axes, knives, clubs and guns. For someone trying to find peace, I suppose it's ironic that there's always a need to be prepared to defend myself still. I hope that in the future i can feel safe without all these weapons, but I don't think that day will ever come. I'm not writing this letter just to talk about myself though, I wanted to talk about you and I as well. You have always been a sort of mystery to me. When I would sneak into your room when you were gone, I was surprised to see that there isn't much there. A room so clean you can do surgery in it, it doesn't look lived in at all; but instead more like an Ikea display. So that didn't teach me anything. Around the house are generic things.. fake plants and every inch perfectly clean. Every piece of furniture, in it's exact place. The way it's always been. The only real material possessions you have are in the boxes in the basement. I went through them, trying to find out more. I found a lot of things, mostly photos. It occured to me that you never took any of them yourself. They were taken by others and put in a box by you and stored. I always wondered why they weren't put out like in every house I've ever been to. So I failed there too; I could only find a whisper of your past. The same was about my mother. You showed me a picture of her once. I ended up stealing a photo of her, it's the only one I have: a 2 inch square black and white passport photo. I always wondered why you just erased her, why I never heard about her. Growing up, because I lost her so young, I never felt like I had a mother. I had you, but I didn't even know you. You never really were a parent to me, more like a strange man who acted erratic and was completely unpredictable: either shower me in gifts no apparent reason or beat on me for no apparent reason. I do know that you're more learned than you let on, however. When you talk about technical things, I listened. It was the only times you weren't going off on a tangent, completely silent, or putting others down. You might be surprised to find out that unlike my brother, I don't have memory problems. Infact, I'm quite the opposite and likely to be on the autism spectrum because it's so unusual. So when it came to these details, I remembered them; and on numerous occasions people have been very impressed that i can rattle of technical details about random things like air conditioning or cars for example. Beyond that though, when you get right down to it, I never really knew you. We spent time together, which was a part of the bipolar way I was raised; where it actually seemed like you cared. We watched movies or would go hiking, but I didn't learn anything about you. So when it comes to having parents, I can't really say i've had the experience. I suppose the best thing you ever done in that field was reading to me and doing the voices the one year. That was A+ dadding. But before that was the abuse and after that was just endless abuse and neglect. You used to say a lot of things to me that weren't true. It took me a long time to figure out that they weren't true, too. Apparently it's a scientific fact that children believe what they're told without asking questions a lot because it's the difference between the kids who got eaten by lions a hundred thousand years ago and those who didn't. So when it came to the things you'd say to me, like the really negative ones, I always believed you. You also kept me in the house, no after school activities, no friends over, no going out... this changed very slightly as I got to around 15, but not by much. I was often forced to stay in my room, many nights, sleeping on that mattressless bunk bed, wondering why I am such a piece of shit. You would always drop the line ""you're destroying this family"" as you would abuse me. As you would force me to take my clothes off and parade me infront of my siblings, as you would destroy my possessions, hit me, choke me, throw me down stairs; or just spend hours upon hours drilling it into my head that am neither loved nor wanted. But now I understand that statement, as an adult, without a mind of a child. when you said ""you're destroying the family""; what you meant was something different. ""Family"" didn't mean you and me and my siblings... how could bad grades destroy them? Or a spilled glass of water? Or staying up too late one night? No, ""Family"" meant you and your grip on controlling us. The grip you feared to lose because you were afraid of the government stepping in and providing for us. Not out of some altruistic feeling on your part, or some fear of a tyrannical NAZI government; but because it would mean you were a failure. Well, fearing failure is something you taught me well; however since you also taught me I'd never succeed at anything, you really fucked up my head in that sense too. So as I digress, what you really meant was ""you're destroying my ability to control you out of fear"" ... so the more I understand that statement now, the less it hurts me. You'd also say ""I put a roof over your head"". This was very common. It didn't matter what the exact words were in this case, but the theme was important. ""I did my job, so now you owe me"". That's a part of your psyche in general, not just how you raised me. Whenever you give a gift, you have an ulterior motive. If that motive can't be fullfilled, you rage. You disappear. You hurt others. You claim that you're the victim, which is another common part of your psyche. If your ability to put people against one another, or to hurt and put down others is interrupted, then you're the one who was being hurt the whole time. I always thought the duality of your narcissism and playing the victim was ironic. Funny how you can throw a 4 year old down a flight of stairs, or beat on a 9 year old girl over and over again and claim at the same time that they were the one hurting you; and that you're awesome for fighting back to protect the ""family"". You aren't just this way with your kids though, you're always this way. One factor i've always learned about you though is that when you're faced with a challenger, perhaps someone who isn't a child or a subordinate; someone who could kick your ass, you always back down. I grew up thinking you were strong because the mind of a child thinks what they're told. I now know better. Strength isn't hurting people, strength is helping people. Love isn't caging what you care about, it's about putting the pieces back together and making it better so it can be free. These things I never learned from you; I'd say I owe a debt to those who did teach me these things, but love doesn't collect on debt. I could go on for a thousand pages about what you've said. Some of my favorites are when you said you cancelled your life insurance because if you suddenly died, you wanted me to struggle. As though I really hated you so much or felt nothing for you that I would care more about the money than the fact I've become a fucking orphan. There was also the time that you taught me how to properly cut my wrists. The ""zig-zag"" style, you called it. then you gave me a knife. Wow, that's really great parenting, Tom. Words can hurt, but all of that doesn't quite compare to when I was 14, though. I got sick, remember? I mean, really sick. Pneumonia. It was bad. Fever of over 105, I couldn't walk, eat or drink. You did get around you taking me to a hospital, the next day. You threw me a wet, filthy, wash cloth from the sink and went to work instead that night. You always did this sort of thing. Tom, if you think for a second that i believe (or literally anyone else believes) that ""my kid is dying"" isn't a good enough excuse to call out, you're not even a good liar. You abandoned me. I suffered that night, it was bad. my brother was terrified too. he hates that you put him in charge, he wasn't ready for it. Looking back on that, and the other times you abused me, I can honestly say that it was different that time. The other times, I don't think you wanted me to die, but that time I'd have to say that I really think you did. It was attempted murder by intentional negligence. That's a pretty heavy sentence, Tom. Especially for a parent on their own child, and it would have been a quick trial too.. who are your character witnesses? Your traumatized children who ran off in their teens who have nothing but stories of abuse from you? Your brother and his kids who witnessed your abuse first hand, who you threatened to murder; even after they took you in their own home? That's 25 to life in prison, Tom. If you don't think for a second that I didn't consider pressing charges on you, you're even more arrogant than I thought. You might argue that your love for me was in the things you bought me. I had a lot of toys; action figures, video games, a bike and eventually a car that i was allowed to use. One of the things about you though is that you there's always a reason for your ""gifts"". The toys were a way of saying ""sorry I bashed your head the other day"", or maybe ""please don't tip off the school officials about what I've done to you by being happy for a minute"". The car was a way of saying ""please disappear"". If you feel I misjudged you in this way, maybe you can explain why you did this for me and not my brother? Is it because you truly love me, or because you knew you could manipulate him and you got pleasure out that, and I was ""destroying the family"" so I had to go? Hell, the last time you messaged me, some 4 years ago, you wanted to go to a baseball game with me. OK tom, what's the catch? What do you want from me? This isn't an apology for what you did to me and my siblings or my mother. This isn't an apology for calling me a ""bad investment"" the previous time we spoke and I needed you. So what's your angle? I hope you're not so arrogant and self absorbed to think that I have a simple ""grudge"" against you or that I'm being unreasonably emotional. There's always a reason for your ""gifts"". Sometimes you did things for outward appearances. Like when you made my lunch, you used to coach me on what to tell teachers. Lie, after lie, after lie. ""Nice lunch, too bad the fridge has been empty for 15 years"", ""nice lunch, why are you 35% under weight?"", ""nice lunch, why don't you talk to others?"", ""nice lunch, why do you go to the bathroom and cry?"". Those are the truths. Eventually you stuffed enough fried chicken down my throat and forced me to stay in my room that I got fat. Kinda hard to look malnurished and traumatized when you're fat, right? Appearances were very important to you. We had to look good. The rest doesn't matter. Grades were an important part of that, too. Not that you cared enough to help me, or to try to understand why abusing your kids doesn't help them do better in school. You never wondered why your kid couldn't read or write at the age of seven, or why he always got some letters backwards because he's dyslexic. It was just negative re-enforcement followed by occasional showering of gifts. Your only interest in ""raising"" me was holding on to your power to control others at all costs. Your only fear was that I would disrupt that control and ""destroy the family"". Another inspiring and altruistic thing you'd do is lying to people about me. Remember the lies? I do. I was listening. You'd tell teachers that I had all these problems because my mother died when I was young. It was always the same story. You go to play the victim while being the predator at the same time, at the expense of my mother. That's an unbelievable act of psychotic evil that still astonishes me to this day. I tried to explain what it was like to be ""raised"" by you to a professional. She stopped me about a quarter of the way in and her face looked absolutely horrified. she wrote me four prescriptions and shuttled me out. Apparently just talking about it was too much for her to listen to. While it validates that I am in fact, not the bad guy, it at the same time makes the depression worse. How could a mental health professional not even want to listen to this? Either she thought I was lying and a nutcase for making it all up, or that it's all true and she wanted to quit her job because you're just that horrible. The pills didn't help, either. Moving forward, I have some plans. I have learned a lot, from those who care about me. I learned how to be impulsive. How to protect others. How to be forgiving. How to be understanding. How to accept others. I learned how not to destroy a family, but to build one. But by your definition of that ugly, evil phrase; I guess I had to destroy a family in order to build one. I had to disrupt your control of me in order to become something worth living. I'm not going to tell you what I am going to do with myself. You don't deserve that, even if you've changed your mind about wanting to actually know me in my absence. I will tell you how I'm moving forward without you though. On days like this, when the sun shines through the curtains; my woman and my dog snore soundly. I wake up and make my coffee the same time as every day and I look out that window. I think about my garden, the herbs and potatoes and I think the smell of the stew my woman is going to make for me later; because she loves seeing me enjoy something she makes. I think about my father in law coming over with their kids and grand kids and how I'm going to work the hell out of that tiny grill. We'll talk politics or cars and play with the kids. My woman will compare tattoo art and shoot the shit about training PTSD service dogs. Or maybe my father in law will just show me how to loosen that rusted bolt on the mower; because that's what good fathers do. Not because I asked, but because he wants to teach me. I think about this and I'm surrounded by peace and love but I can't escape your words or your actions. They're so numerous, I could write a thousand pages of all the fucked up things you did and said to me and it wouldn't be enough. It wouldn't be enough because as long as I wake up, covered in sweat on days like this; fearing for my life and angry at everything, I cannot escape what you did to me. It's taking years and I've given up on the medications. They were just covering it up, not fixing it. It turns that out I don't need antipsychotics, antidepressants, therapists. My therapy is a civil conversation, my antidepressant is working the dirt and my antipsychotic is having a laugh playing a board game with my family. This is my future now, and it won't be all great. We'll get sick, have problems, and we'll die; eventually. But the past doesn't rule my future, I know that now. It's different for you, though. Because you're not getting any more chances from me. You hurt me again and again for 28 years and showed absolutely no remorse. Never an apology you actually meant. I used to think that hate was the opposite of love, but now I know that nothing is the opposite of love. You've proven to me again and again that you nothing me, so now I can say that I nothing you back. So when you think of me, there won't be a future. I'll always be in your past as you will always be in mine. This letter might be addressed to you, but it's not really for you. It's for me. To close an ugly chapter in my life that was dominated by you. It's an open letter, I have no shame in being abused by you. I will not keep your secrets, not anymore. I guess i'll have to ""destroy the 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ptsd,Ones_Fate,2019/04/11,"Finally told my brothers that I dont want my mom's ashes or belongings and I WILL be throwing her crap out (not ashes, even though I kind of want to haha) So about 5 years ago (holy crap, 5?) My mom committed suicide. Do not pity her. She did this specifically to screw with me, that's how vindictive she was after years of physical and then more years after that of emotional and verbal abuse. I took it and did it proudly because it protected my little brother and I would do it again 50 times over. When my mom went absolutely insane a couple years before her death, I took care of everything, she was in jail, I visited her I would say every week except missing when I was too sick with migraines to drive or with bad roads. Anytime I missed I could expect a letter about how much she hated me. After she was divorced I stored all her things in the basement. I let her have unlimited access, she stole from me. She liked to torture me over suicide with multiple failed attempts and asking if I had her stepladder only to after me giving it to her have her text me about how she was about to kill herself, knowing I would be there because it was my duty. Her last day alive, she asked for access to her things, said that was fine but I was at work so it would probably have to wait for the weekend, she proceeded to tell me how awful a daughter I was, deserving of hell, how much she hated me etc. I told her (finally) to get over herself, she hung herself that night while I was searching for her. After, I thought I had to be the matriarch. I had to be strong for everyone, including my brother. So at 22 I planned my first funeral 7 days after my 22nd birthday and 7 days before Christmas. While everyone was shopping for gifts I was shopping for an appropriate turtle neck to cover signs of her death. I hated her more than I thought I could hate anyone and it hurt. It still hurts but 5 years later Im thankful I dont have an abuser anymore. Im working on being ok with being happy she is dead, that she doesnt deserve anything just for the title of ""mom"" and that I dont have to keep her crap or her ashes out of duty. I owe her nothing. You know what, tonight Im going to go get some of her favorite tequila, empty it any way I want, because I am not her and I dont hurt people when I drink and throw some ashes in there. Maybe they will go in the dumpster, maybe not but she deserves to spend the rest of eternity with the thing she loved most.",3.7140909090909098,4.854088606060606,4.79068181818182,85.20602272727272,72.03030303030303,7.4393939393939394,27.285353535353536,7.793537801064563,1.5545656565656558,1920,67,388,24,36,630,225,495,0.18100000000000002,0.73,0.08900000000000001,-0.9936,1,0,2,0,3,2,51.0,0,1,1,8,23,30,11,0,12,3,46,9,4,5,2,61,79,33,7,11,13,8,0,1,0,6,2,2,0,0,22,19,1,5,4,5,5,10,9,19,0,1,25,2,92,11,65,39,10,60,1,7,0,2,61,14,5,7,36,292,114,5,0.0,0.1683747392452715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629850826938318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048319155660854485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046647393054882,0.049682607978199976,0.0,0.058471386736344985,0.0,0.1328517943978542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059327120986276786,0.12994157432287767,0.0,0.12092343903736688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244428717455181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346167248954235,0.07861989809194826,0.0,0.13747185303089152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33309902917130985,0.06960586818533854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992618492977084,0.0,0.0,0.07924399082585798,0.0469304960145629,0.0,0.059866058437864016,0.1357902814185031,0.06385875244250609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556723649657882,0.0,0.060438494995539785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424556334931222,0.06816147006273371,0.1211448747022983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563830285897585,0.0,0.2806044534424716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281943255435673,0.0,0.2302515345674075,0.0,0.0,0.06315605877783333,0.07861072203486537,0.07399180556124987,0.07809883892490045,0.05791849239067887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265752772557213,0.0,0.034713394688295734,0.07121477325176914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412900795930224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427665839996545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328703380598788,0.0,0.0,0.10446572924348936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667936444927051,0.0,0.06817822808877078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403976782650628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925989616520432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660822827143401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758862396486562,0.056504991664242166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674381514532821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554430840924221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210432669481766,0.0654169755963795,0.0,0.0,0.14161535845543058,0.0,0.06981019296105277,0.1128178763168948,0.04143215804259217,0.0,0.0,0.1357902814185031,0.1578872139408321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572846813514624,0.05639935687597542,0.05699523184532158,0.0,0.0,0.06586776865365775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103456314604034,0.0,0.0,0.2018988881482238,0.0,0.0,0.2287822278269657 ptsd,neanabeana,2019/04/11,"Medication for emotional numbness? My husband has suffered from depression, PTSD, and emotional numbness on and off most of his life. He has decided to see a psychiatrist and possibly try medication before our daughter is born. Any recommendations on what has helped or what to absolutely stay away from??",8.2758,11.113871579999998,8.637,55.40350000000001,63.2,13.0,42.5,12.161744961471696,6.7524000000000015,249,15,34,10,4,82,39,50,0.201,0.743,0.055,-0.857,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,0,6,5,4,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,10,5,1,6,0,2,1,0,6,4,0,2,1,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16141362383358188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22300847899504725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197673401455526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044386870365708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5339983686494402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909807926012026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765509844608212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478232484683834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267588870612292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27746231449296244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914599089799575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529952509760863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611525425857437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,person-a-l,2019/04/11,"Doing EMDR on yourself...? I just couldn't take the pain anymore so I did EMDR on myself and now I'm kind of regretting it, it should be done by a professional. How bad are the consequences? (For clarification: I'm not currently seeing a therapist, she moved to another city, but I am looking for one.)",2.4869540229885025,4.961977120689653,5.066206896551726,75.95781609195404,79.51724137931033,8.694252873563219,26.90804597701149,9.2995712137729,2.8885080459770114,235,10,43,7,6,83,47,58,0.086,0.879,0.035,-0.4128,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,1,0,9,13,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,2,2,5,1,7,8,0,5,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,34,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178045595895183,0.0,0.0,0.3005727411159884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25305814783552644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101548506884166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156099429579177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25450986915334217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32212481196231624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053740462866335,0.0,0.3224972238815227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24151457287007705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278775474835391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518978597311464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_ChelseaDagger_,2019/04/11,"Does Prazosin help? Hello everyone! I’ll get straight to it. My doctor put me on Ambien and Prazosin for my nightmares/night terrors and insomnia. Do any of you have the same combination of meds? Do you feel like it works. My nightmares won’t stop. Thanks❤️",1.0060000000000002,3.5726203000000005,2.4235000000000007,88.81925000000004,96.0,5.7,24.25,7.1686216300943375,1.5019999999999998,205,9,39,4,8,66,41,50,0.10800000000000001,0.747,0.145,0.2387,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,6,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,5,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,21,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22335335836151154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33617661557030626,0.2874237836358339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313842563812104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607128555597864,0.2346406436339081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159856883577404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201492629163114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046127416172648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3648275283239443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082226868302106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3301771963328558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27459410655651784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23911133167043686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Lavander_Moody,2019/04/11,"Would you expose your childhood abuser? Recently I have come to terms with my flashbacks and repressed memories being real. It was a close family member. I was about 5 and he must have been around 9-10. The only thing I remember clearly is him holding me down in a bed and taking my trousers off, everything else is very blurry. Throughout the life he would also act very disturbing, but at this point I was old enough to tell him to stop being inappropriate. He was doing this like rubbing my thigh or trying to caress my breast. I don't know why I didn't connect the dots, my brain just wouldn't let me tbh. I have broken down badly now and I am using medication atm. But the worst thing ever for me is just a few months ago his second daughter was born. And I feel so scared. I don't want those baby girls to go through anything like that, I wish i could somehow warn his wife or another family member. I obvs have 0 proof and well I come from a post communist country, where you never ever talk about anything like this and your mental health is a no no. I feel bad for not warning anyone, but I feel like even if I did gain the courage to say something no one would believe me.",4.091727318045861,5.2634227838983065,4.924117647058826,84.48508973080759,71.16101694915254,7.417347956131606,25.74675972083749,7.724431198458867,1.3373582253240284,931,28,184,11,17,302,146,236,0.18,0.688,0.132,-0.8583,0,0,1,0,1,0,21.0,0,4,0,1,14,12,0,3,10,0,29,6,3,1,6,45,40,15,0,9,9,2,4,4,0,5,3,1,1,1,8,12,0,3,5,0,1,4,9,6,1,2,8,6,34,6,19,23,4,26,0,0,0,1,17,9,0,4,16,134,42,0,0.0,0.14607265462126626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092847807440493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859103025367284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292751509779767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620379123868106,0.0,0.20290622496579686,0.10974985505756993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587577667166854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890006210533468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762691696596746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21239835209659128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843310090697936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298886089922382,0.0,0.0,0.12738643906355254,0.0,0.08142862957078019,0.22303681780153375,0.0,0.0,0.1108006762996795,0.0,0.23244439398798145,0.0,0.1870099152689828,0.0880748824974638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006574945405042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104627007746214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775425325517921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606734241330833,0.08707989472605554,0.2409234418779965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419674321518195,0.1242423590414373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840497097401996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508505043033244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936694784771874,0.0,0.08354115773214406,0.09376385527802797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654424550857626,0.0,0.11807302308826068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032540634020846,0.0,0.0,0.12172913873266855,0.0,0.13965795743617976,0.0,0.0,0.09804124025665173,0.1234298677281456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491087420478628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030718433725196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269503368194336,0.09909187364881766,0.1077565899070356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638102519610018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370247354998156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647872163687297,0.0,0.20344619732098213,0.07271673167557945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084808872465092,0.0,0.11124560477939978,0.0,0.1417717524030721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627345410222043,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,boredgirlx0x0,2019/04/11,how to actually overcome trauma/work on yourself? does anyone have specific tips that work for overcoming childhood trauma (in addition to counseling) that keeps you in fear in life? any advice would be appreciated!,6.629571428571433,10.38504331428572,7.039642857142859,60.17660714285717,73.0,10.357142857142858,34.464285714285715,10.125756701596842,5.184857142857143,176,9,22,6,4,57,29,35,0.162,0.757,0.081,-0.5191,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,4,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,14,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.32888252100075005,0.0,0.0,0.3293316596738902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291848898161045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356519454764643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949281294283765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792407551700462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29955851202804684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380469154455562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4907085759057418,0.0,0.0,0.23940905941642845,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,I_am_Me21,2019/04/11,Currently shaking in bed Something that should be positive for me has quickly reminded me of everything that I have so well crushed down. Do I want to die? Do I want to let this pass? Do I want to finally talk about it? Do I want to finally label it what it is? I have no clue but I am alone and the one person who was able to protect me from it all left. She is gone. I am cold. I am hot. I can’t do this without help. Tonight god damn sucks. I know tomorrow is going to be better and I am going to wake up with the triggers gone but it just so terrible when it is terrible.,-0.5457795698924706,1.5314951209677403,2.193677419354838,94.05884946236559,89.72580645161291,6.2098924731182805,21.976344086021506,7.554174236665415,0.9471866666666666,441,17,104,9,15,153,75,124,0.23800000000000002,0.649,0.113,-0.9673,1,1,1,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,1,2,0,22,1,1,1,1,15,32,7,1,5,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,12,3,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,5,1,1,3,2,16,2,16,25,1,17,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,7,81,28,0,0.20596279738996529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331534296629834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215735690222828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137568663586928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851060817362597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4512443543174108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23410680834249145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380525215810552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319176705303848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237791820032091,0.21061091473769636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956572187053295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983877032548035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856022386265753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554509480995125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4859287768507027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518528999116546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19854078688436194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,glorianahallelujah,2019/04/11,"How to Talk to My Roommate About Triggers? I share a dorm with a very nice girl who has a habit of staying up late in our room to write papers. She knows a little bit about my background but she doesn’t know I have PTSD, and one of my triggers is the sound of typing on laptop keyboards. It makes me shake and I want to vomit/cry. I don’t want to put any burden on her and I want her to feel comfortable in our room, but at the same time it is depriving me of my ability to sleep and my grades are suffering (I’m usually a 4.0 student). I hate telling people about stuff like this because they always treat me differently after but between the typing and my nightmares, I haven’t slept properly in weeks. Does anyone have any advice?",3.582123245881636,4.784524503355705,4.422928615009154,87.47830994508848,72.42281879194631,7.297376449054301,25.625991458206226,7.686295010490155,1.2321489932885907,577,18,120,7,11,186,93,149,0.12,0.7390000000000001,0.141,-0.3101,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,0,1,0,4,10,1,1,8,0,9,2,2,4,0,21,19,9,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,5,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,1,2,23,5,24,18,2,18,0,2,0,0,13,10,0,0,6,80,28,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18402721570744396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669995820572916,0.0,0.0,0.2561324179815489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167993458332625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480005245832295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056001191648517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068641520241732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19675762321447188,0.0,0.0,0.1648028693817431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522184989470696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859301351959412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699497106064,0.0,0.21243673109868685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200518506849888,0.18874928400043156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257071739251181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761264936393973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055956940629504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201397001752154,0.18931679442720206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845916813980212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072743499384904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558496617483391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136702518903253,0.1646027454940259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981275103530176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074113583927545,0.1553863326050119,0.3332336431807762,0.0,0.15106148220412666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,IrishEyesMesmerize29,2019/04/11,"Anyone tried Holy Basil or Ashwagandha? Hoping it will help take the edge off, wondering if anyone else has experience with it. I'm currently in counseling to confront my past traumas (traumatic delivery of my daughter), I'm hoping to put them behind me so I can start living life to the fullest again. My doctor recommended Holy Basil and Ashwagandha to help take the edge off the anxiety I have as a result. Anyone else have experience with these? Just wondering how they helped if at all.",5.831075441412523,7.968074483146068,6.604526484751204,70.35696629213484,68.21348314606742,10.478972712680578,30.69181380417336,10.608840637214634,3.803300481540931,395,16,65,12,7,130,60,89,0.069,0.794,0.13699999999999998,0.7622,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,4,4,1,0,5,0,5,2,0,2,1,14,14,7,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,13,13,1,9,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,7,4,43,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755516750618456,0.0,0.0,0.3497641491812455,0.3416883934732676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066481836335712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785787089713604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262062122131853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335285670343555,0.0,0.0,0.331219648928927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777295349389262,0.0,0.0,0.14723392526004847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917160290789215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761912824981925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801898969398912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507345220221497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320509235498807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616434848422904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sadniqahours,2019/10/13,"Does anyone else have crippling shyness? It feels like it’s outside of normal everyday person shyness, like I physically can’t do anything that would risk me looking stupid in front of people (dancing, singing, speaking, etc.) just almost survival type of avoidance of doing anything out of my comfort zone. I’m kind of tired of living like this, it doesn’t feel natural. Anyone else?",5.63946078431373,8.307288338235296,5.31529411764706,77.14049019607846,70.02941176470588,6.298039215686276,34.86274509803922,7.1686216300943375,2.761403921568628,309,16,45,3,6,95,51,68,0.20199999999999999,0.643,0.155,-0.5931,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,1,8,1,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,0,8,10,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,1,0,1,2,2,0,2,2,3,0,0,0,4,3,5,9,9,1,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,4,25,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20048532986902795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799884698669354,0.41028566256927856,0.3295180098132238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520855920032266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345060949427625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22329145590763827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20246835734146784,0.14303287146557475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084919981543281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934432387364097,0.0,0.17679256811724486,0.0,0.1681292758791575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616714177785394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880312965003264,0.17481908090452947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23011645966523564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14222623132339635,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,prash_cant_shush,2019/10/13,Does anyone find that their legs and feet are always clenched like in fight or flight mode? I have noticed that even when I’m laying down my leg and feet muscles are seldom relaxed. Clenched seems to be their default state. I don’t know if this has to do with trauma or something else. My legs feel more tired because of this.,3.0377083333333315,5.3122831875,2.3981250000000003,96.86770833333335,76.5,4.266666666666667,23.166666666666664,3.1291,-0.17825208333333364,260,8,53,0,6,75,50,64,0.163,0.8,0.036000000000000004,-0.8281,0,0,1,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,7,6,5,0,0,10,11,6,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,2,6,10,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,4,2,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27548168822892305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314959818768004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182080851908912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897267695671497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27657144927914673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21867252338330492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740193338683293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025973938675971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195066781006108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174697172036578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769321304393741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013990841559596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25487841890837304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805230679787203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anonymousnutcase,2019/10/13,"Have any of you significantly helped, or even cured, your PTSD issues with an unusual/unique approach? Alternative medicine, etc? I'm new to this sub. I hope this is ok. I'm not seeking any official medical advice, I'm just looking for experiences of some of the more unconventional things people have tried - whether they helped, didn't help, what it was like. I'm very into alternative medicine and have been for many years, meaning I've learned a lot and I'm very cautious about anything I do these days(meaning don't worry, I'm not going to jump on any suggestions without some serious research and thought, if at all - and please don't anyone else go doing anything crazy). The first one I'm curious about is rather extreme example, but I'd really like to know if anyone has done this. Ayahuasca retreats. I've known about them for a while, I've read a good deal in the past, and recently came across an article about military vets formed a specific group to organize trips to do this and it's been life changing for many of them. Has anyone done this? Mind sharing your experience? Anything else at all no matter how crazy it sounds, I'm curious to know about.",5.87801515151515,7.117795013636364,5.952727272727272,78.50742424242426,67.04545454545455,9.503030303030306,32.84848484848485,9.725611199111238,3.123130303030304,933,40,173,20,15,295,132,220,0.040999999999999995,0.8340000000000001,0.126,0.9371,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,3,3,1,9,7,0,0,9,1,18,2,0,1,2,34,35,13,0,4,10,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,11,9,0,0,6,1,0,6,7,1,0,2,8,2,8,6,27,27,8,18,0,0,1,0,13,6,0,7,8,102,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610845198247152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424027753724421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24924280850820926,0.1217440023845957,0.2933334871215085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589716561409565,0.0,0.0,0.12569463927672994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249706653364803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24318597142017906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985158855678854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251447964448015,0.07847876153150342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324553636362191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106729395329847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505503584954429,0.09965965433094463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892540823468186,0.0,0.0,0.11801397559669535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401605940930392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059951793334235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392530156060514,0.11609782359199268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977794902884896,0.0,0.0,0.10101557808875207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24092742644842624,0.0,0.25885722578479875,0.0,0.1196975393685266,0.0,0.0,0.11997321553526755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475603211076076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08051476035253421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342608279431897,0.0823740631894469,0.0,0.0,0.13042746937557445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889293335755096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885105209673205,0.0,0.07611842860047974,0.0,0.11731932737161578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893799618037572,0.0,0.0,0.09432893282458417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067023227519902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607606916884496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453717762465172,0.0,0.0,0.1206663585412741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651547469136953 ptsd,throwaway21343534,2019/10/13,"I feel like no man could ever find me attractive because I'm too old. F23 [TW] I find this to be such a horrible thing to have to actually type out and share with people. I feel like I have no escape from these intrusive thoughts and I'm begging for someone to give me a peace of mind. I'm sorry if this post is not well put together, my sentences aren't articulated enough or I've messed up my punctuation. My mind is spiraling and I don't know what to do. &#x200B; I was molested when I was 12 by a family friend and in my early teenage years I was constantly heavily sexualized by many adult men around me. I have been harassed by men from all age groups when I was a teenager, including married men well into their 40's. Mostly due to cultural reasons it was seen as inappropriate, but definitely not something anyone would give a second glace if they saw it on the street. For context the age of consent in my country is 14. Excluding my trauma, a lot of the time the attention I used to get made me happy. I didn't enjoy the flirting, nor did I fancy any of those men. But it made me feel beautiful and wanted, even as a 13yo child. As I grew up, the idea that all men are pedophiles slowly grew inside my mind to the point that when I turned 18 it had turned into a fact for me. This was around the time when I started to worry that my time is running out. I remember absolutely dreading my 19th birthday as I imagine some women would dread turning 50. Through the years I've had a few men sexualize my trauma which has added even more bitterness and pain. I feel like a monster for feeling the way I do, since I think all men sexualize children consciously or subconsciously and that makes me feel unwanted and unattractive and it must mean that in some way I agree with them. I know that technically my fears are irrational and it also makes me feel like I am very broken inside and I could never have a healthy romantic relationship with someone, because they can't be attracted to me since I'm not a child. I could go on and on about how I notice all things sexualizing teenage girls and I use it to beat myself down, but it would be too long of a post and I think most of you get the gist of it. I don't know what to do, my fears have hurt most guys that have been attracted to me. I know if they show interest in me and make it obvious they like me it surely must mean that they do, but my feelings lie so much deeper inside me and I feel like I just can't convince myself. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How does one go about dealing with such feelings? How does one escape the tiny voice in their head that keeps talking even if you pretend not to listen?",5.788232974910393,5.606303670370372,6.5216965352449225,79.33102150537634,66.92592592592592,9.85663082437276,31.493428912783752,9.536714749202195,2.6262568697729987,2122,76,435,39,31,701,246,540,0.159,0.741,0.1,-0.9868,0,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,0,2,8,1,24,31,3,4,26,0,48,2,1,11,11,107,93,40,0,14,15,0,10,6,1,5,1,2,0,15,30,26,0,1,27,2,0,6,14,12,2,3,18,15,71,19,59,64,14,49,0,1,2,0,35,20,0,12,25,305,101,1,0.0,0.0,0.07059902498650901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785487750143314,0.0,0.07838659987693987,0.08790801607657947,0.0491975971037408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011716739228864,0.07412677973564724,0.0,0.12880612777487851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820260664918625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818006440284027,0.0,0.1732866057005428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458530105259284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662052282608735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043559861384815,0.0,0.0,0.0747525085030852,0.0,0.1433510749448192,0.06544088107719359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06820114317432313,0.1628181848562975,0.3658018960278701,0.25841912417048,0.0,0.0,0.13224542652571974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055894154103263885,0.0,0.07559534645095102,0.13880128890007845,0.08223152433401376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716336758007208,0.0,0.07701340594163876,0.0,0.0,0.0742476207002128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744763152354689,0.08166955619060044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643042348715799,0.0,0.0,0.15903734902429184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120669017436686,0.0,0.0,0.06402372031146622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061505777370446074,0.0,0.13691061322119016,0.14487406813759926,0.07334724472175957,0.0,0.1576114813287786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21914578002945728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05318245722817309,0.0,0.05579750947637085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236612636362342,0.07591470442297397,0.0,0.09804671752562487,0.0,0.07698098855339099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05015544025474742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839012666818585,0.0,0.13857447821407115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272747003756595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438348963577457,0.0,0.07767227074562492,0.08195364222060697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969031923584815,0.08131966451912033,0.0,0.0,0.12259665401342032,0.055695299932899116,0.0,0.08098515439964897,0.05120670072953118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681850218773534,0.0,0.0,0.058148780843339076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612661553792412,0.0927124826144848,0.0,0.05743445171202415,0.12655618195141596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360742342341801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496701537574187,0.0,0.05969282800804961,0.04267140319530748,0.11484939248399373,0.0,0.0,0.13009505181012676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347063022320535,0.0,0.15417705492197775,0.0,0.08790801607657947,0.09317659396309286 ptsd,ilostmylenscap,2019/10/13,"New relationship, anxious and scared, any advice? (TW: Assault) I just started a new relationship, the first since my assault. I really like the guy, but I’m constantly anxious now. We went to a party last night, and before the party I was throwing up, extremely anxious, I couldn’t eat, and I kept dissociating in small increments. I’ve slept with other people and it’s been fine, no flashbacks, no anxiety. But now that I’m with this person, I keep having flashbacks and anxiety. Every time he touches me I feel like it’s my assaulter touching me. It’s not only the flashbacks that suck, but I’m really nervous around him. So nervous that I don’t want to look at him, or talk to him. Is this normal relationship jitters? Why do I feel so anxious around him but not with randoms that I hook up with? I feel a compulsive need to push him away, and to distance myself from him. He really likes me, and I really like him. I could easily see this being a long term and lasting relationship, but I’m so scared, and I don’t know why. Should I take things slow? I just need some advice because this is the first new relationship I’ve had in four years,",2.3426455745341634,4.7593683616071445,4.011832298136647,83.64621118012424,79.66964285714286,6.9313664596273314,24.471273291925467,8.04050195162591,1.6217754658385095,899,33,172,17,23,300,111,224,0.162,0.722,0.11599999999999999,-0.8236,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,0,2,10,13,4,4,9,0,13,2,1,0,0,41,33,18,0,7,10,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,13,16,1,2,4,0,0,3,7,8,0,3,6,7,30,5,18,23,2,29,0,0,2,0,18,9,1,3,21,113,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831749710542876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373656210234274,0.0,0.1433995201885638,0.4235326023328245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668711531738937,0.0,0.0,0.08805820372059367,0.0,0.0,0.05713420214843089,0.0,0.07975350744878572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128398180645902,0.0,0.07483219476788247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590459731190508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896778615563918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217130491661115,0.06695752445548787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594457451489015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280299232225248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330754143731238,0.0,0.0,0.0515090902270306,0.15279760321322167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831582034970161,0.0,0.0,0.08294412869494623,0.07870582465424125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389925590202108,0.0,0.27156205040999354,0.0,0.08795504381316663,0.09183110188845728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128247526189059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497746883503754,0.08183750186241782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24017185170457106,0.0,0.0,0.5031306201367385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767117599465266,0.0,0.07468709833135616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753071200752618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633939975201923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046992069322056,0.075333016236177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062267065482910236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465209973143507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528173528509636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688448856190878,0.1691453929057854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603561567762207 ptsd,p-onyo,2019/10/13,"I started trauma therapy and this week has been awful I started a strand of trauma therapy called reliving and rescripting, where you relive the event/s as though its on a theatre stage, and listen ti the recording over and over, then change something in the memory so that it doesnt happen and listen to that tape over and over. I started the first part on tuesday, and i’m too scared to listen to the tape. i know its for my own good and it’s going to help me loads etc, but i cant bring myself to do it. since that therapy session, the days this week have been awful. i wake up crying hysterically, i get angry over the smallest of things, i find socialising an incredibly difficult chore, and im constantly on the verge of tears (spending the whole of today just crying over nothing). Im sure this is totally normal, but it’s all getting in the way, and i cant exactly tell everyone in my life why im behaving/feeling this way. If anyone has any words of encouragement or advice or anything i would greatly appreciate it, i feel so isolated and alone (and need to listen to the f****** tape but cant).",4.611850152905198,5.601862600917437,5.9917614678899085,77.99008868501532,69.77981651376146,9.116085626911314,29.212232415902143,9.3871,2.5665329663608563,869,32,166,18,15,294,124,218,0.161,0.775,0.064,-0.9686,0,1,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,1,6,8,0,1,14,2,12,2,1,0,4,30,28,23,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,15,12,0,0,3,0,1,2,4,4,0,1,2,5,16,4,27,25,6,31,0,0,0,0,9,15,0,3,11,116,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973023654119147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268991864332858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332135785706421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567248955423132,0.0,0.10082782432816298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511195880363532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961544689989127,0.0,0.0,0.13240624556645422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269176423264718,0.0790186369843125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664801934799495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170781078108606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390487535178114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198584033763463,0.10421989790573878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280287510929982,0.0,0.06963391171034725,0.10276834961557106,0.0,0.13508449844531598,0.0,0.0,0.1083486560974406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212607883750453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3970448209709027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673366620058171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654319333409982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085090541121624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200487106689338,0.11756626255055215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132682883914987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266912976415285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135413626042794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432590796823202,0.0,0.0,0.2601719649336558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547857909309828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070924513940362,0.0,0.4203548354884816,0.0,0.08140031835228394,0.0,0.1203804162184675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613959138464013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450964872627166,0.1965646975316538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055996234584048,0.13679504348273466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870384078543108,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LoveMyPetGator,2019/10/13,"I had a strange memory I had a weird memory of an unknown person, but I remember them having me practice what to say and do at the doctors. I remember being awarded with marshmallows. I don’t know why I had this memory but this memory caused me to go down a spiral of triggering events.",4.452368421052633,5.53914436842105,6.735921052631582,72.15019736842106,70.2280701754386,11.314035087719299,30.03947368421053,11.20814326018867,3.9191789473684215,227,9,41,8,4,81,38,57,0.055,0.875,0.071,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,5,0,7,1,0,2,0,9,9,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,9,1,7,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,34,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32372215244604696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225457555921581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790938906838764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731855138980358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751566714478029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7139547398579275,0.0,0.0,0.2506015749756803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28435303035600074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,agirlhasnoname17,2019/10/13,"Advice? So I’m severely disabled and my diagnoses include PTSD and acute anxiety disorder. I got married earlier this year, but the problem is, when he does something that rubs me the wrong way, I spiral down into abandonment and emotional distance. I do understand that it’s not his fault, I know he loves me, but this keeps happening. I feel loved and then I slip into abandonment. I start feeling like a burden and all. My psychiatrist doesn’t really know why this is happening. I did talk to him about it, but I don’t think he truly sees the extent of this emotional seesaw. Any thoughts?",4.105675675675676,6.483313306306307,5.216477477477478,77.43336486486487,73.5945945945946,9.485045045045046,30.01891891891892,9.888512548439397,3.4595686486486485,471,21,82,14,10,155,76,111,0.198,0.607,0.19399999999999998,-0.1311,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,4,0,6,3,0,0,1,23,22,11,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,3,7,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,4,15,3,6,19,2,8,0,2,1,2,8,3,0,0,5,52,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143273952222698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930159875057245,0.0,0.13420705050807746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780625079843081,0.0,0.0,0.2010633429678488,0.0,0.15352407126644982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946808057277608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741009151358456,0.1253305709067518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031114037539208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31027261742601825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559344048945121,0.0,0.0,0.19282862493916544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570852341545396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166732974198517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678672964067325,0.2050737535399895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123879486833333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979872686990266,0.0,0.0,0.19819125363305068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505818812403525,0.0,0.0,0.12417356991832973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100775095537202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241145961579567,0.0,0.13927554018864946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18263368958842466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925188368428065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830251216367544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181028308845627,0.0,0.1129741824838503 ptsd,wowlookitsanon02,2019/10/13,"Advice for Going Back to Bed After Nightmares? I had quite a few ""episodes"" this week, and while I'm feeling more calm and in control of my emotions, the sleep problems persist. I'm having a horrible time falling asleep, and when I do, I've been waking up from only a few hours of sleep from a nightmare and then cannot fall back asleep. I lie in bed next to my boyfriend and I eventually calm down, but even still, I cannot sleep. It's usually too close to the time I need to wake up for me to take medication. I've tried reading to distract my mind, but even then it's difficult, and then if I do start to fall asleep, I have ""micro nighmares"" where I'm half asleep and immediately begin to have a nightmare, which wakes me right back up. Eventually later in the afternoon I'll nap, but then I end up not being able to sleep until far past my bedtime and the cycle repeats. I'm tired of going to work sleep deprived. Any advice? I sometimes take melatonin before bed, but I've had mixed results.",4.725507692307693,5.325038720000002,5.396000000000001,83.7776153846154,69.3,7.7538461538461565,29.384615384615394,7.61054688173877,1.6874576923076927,784,28,159,8,13,254,107,200,0.106,0.8690000000000001,0.026000000000000002,-0.9429,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,4,9,6,0,1,9,0,11,14,12,2,0,21,23,20,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,4,9,0,1,1,2,0,5,3,4,0,1,3,1,16,2,27,19,3,42,0,1,0,0,0,12,0,1,25,99,20,2,0.12616638804955335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465766684142432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579747030349169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910424938712268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735830363660268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150633234330273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141920205024173,0.11174597164394083,0.0,0.0,0.1666634188063703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379351667365428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340653166822948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424847794528875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709936258270724,0.0,0.0,0.1273920859357258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09355077809024563,0.0,0.0,0.13417938501716556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595522338687043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044009341767625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072419422053185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341934838183752,0.1262005304659649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774540603288613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6312875195306288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478178384719728,0.0,0.08930121883630937,0.0,0.10075664047214072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897228444250767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713727094982154,0.14500970323751308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856586957064274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389544517835392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120306625414084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185063313450426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,qiankgs,2019/10/13,"My best friend is dating my molester Well, ex best friend now. I’ve [posted about the incident before ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AbuseInterrupted/comments/clhqf8/trying_to_talk/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) and shared what happened with this particular friend before they started dating. I remained tentative “friends” with my molester because I was afraid of retribution if I cut her off. I told this friend about everything that happened, and she listened and at the time looked horrified. Fast forward a few months and I am no longer friends with my molester due to a different falling out. My best friend begins dating her and I think nothing of it. It’s just now hitting me though, all the feelings of hurt and betrayal. I feel like another person in my life just cast me aside. I thought that was over but I guess I was wrong. I can’t sleep. I’ve been painting my walls and carving wood because I’m terrified of waking up. I’m terrified of facing another day and facing my own mind. Just maybe if I stay awake alone through the night things will be okay. I can’t move from my bed without panicking. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m going crazy. I know it’s just the PTSD talking but I can’t stop.",4.933226299694193,8.183392284403674,4.0827752293578,81.96954510703365,75.69724770642202,6.2021406727828765,26.055810397553515,7.492282038375204,1.4927241590214075,1010,37,173,14,24,298,124,218,0.16699999999999998,0.677,0.156,-0.6799,1,1,0,0,1,0,43.0,0,0,1,3,10,22,4,1,7,1,13,5,4,0,1,32,33,13,0,2,9,1,3,2,7,1,1,1,1,1,10,12,0,1,7,0,0,4,6,7,1,0,6,5,32,15,21,24,6,27,0,1,1,0,17,8,0,3,17,110,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990434464241496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299536422731391,0.0,0.0,0.222544104225894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937485927956535,0.0,0.18059408227024296,0.0,0.3340871069775186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843614806674449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086880741973268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953703672677828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096656534551693,0.15161881987311002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5738956043890086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030826238146859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11689892009526205,0.0,0.1876763496436748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359955006485002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166373389170279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495298601970538,0.10368599679472043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911085309873586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660795136792274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714707697845266,0.0,0.08470091100693884,0.11278469040796694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958283294736577,0.0,0.10182132290083244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265654274593076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162995346606377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404411897962235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619280146619467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510956821722266,0.11310571336761865,0.0,0.08871786604278167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529215433288655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049886523027463,0.06799495415943457,0.1042585939605479,0.08424438222779744,0.06187718954854932,0.0,0.0,0.10139854377783077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954111769499399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229219691319903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602136873307815,0.0,0.0 ptsd,maximum_ohm_unit,2019/10/13,Neglect is passive abuse That’s all I can think to say about it. What are your thoughts?,-0.11333333333333327,2.134069888888888,-0.13888888888888928,106.745,100.11111111111113,2.4000000000000004,22.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.6168,70,3,16,0,3,20,18,18,0.327,0.591,0.08199999999999999,-0.7506,0,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.6754439464140471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4533453739303758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3652801170275857,0.0,0.4525747267500241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,audiofem,2019/10/13,(TW) i had my worse night terror recall ever. For 3 years I have had insomnia and night terrors and never knew what they were or why. I would just wake up with a high heart rate and feeling like something bad happened. It happened tonight. A terrible night terror. Now that I “caught “ one I can bring it in to my therapist,1.8352380952380971,4.337793476190477,2.7168253968254,91.61428571428574,82.49206349206351,5.504761904761906,23.285714285714285,6.868970318607317,0.8088476190476189,251,9,50,3,7,79,49,63,0.28300000000000003,0.6609999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9524,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,3,2,0,6,3,2,0,2,11,12,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,5,1,8,1,5,6,0,13,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,9,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857741523695458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19346296620992692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081420645411059,0.15279296202757206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782594454775205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534439320151317,0.0,0.2259715959498889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448894526619633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495425356042812,0.0,0.0,0.6021240381316313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492782254321435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465209134730513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483263659190601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929897035886772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21795778026876586,0.15193127942726542,0.0,0.0,0.13772904606964506 ptsd,otisschance,2019/10/13,"Feelings of contamination I’m not sure this belongs here, but am unsure of where to post. I recently got blood tests back and have discovered that I have very high iron, thanks to a Hemochromatosis mutation gene. This has thrown me into a downward spirals of flashback and feelings of being dirty and contaminated, due to the fact that the inherited gene has come from a family member that abused me during childhood. I’m having a lot of trouble accepting it and being able to seperate the two enough to accept treatment. (it makes me think more about the abuse and feel too panicked to get treatment) Does anyone have any tips on separating things in the present from past experiences?",8.646445993031358,9.094205723577241,7.859605110336819,70.00975609756098,60.86991869918701,10.605807200929151,36.27061556329849,10.290406445055957,3.7994469221835083,556,23,91,11,7,173,85,123,0.183,0.7390000000000001,0.078,-0.9431,0,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,9,0,9,1,1,1,2,19,20,6,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,6,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,3,5,4,17,17,3,14,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,6,63,13,1,0.1995869106561019,0.4729557048686597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572594337294394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13955580855756394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534700145297831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192645089740186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465985050761104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20622663165197147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523429634717002,0.1881527765864073,0.0,0.3027514168301877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427592317186267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596278850629592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21087452918995891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968165414435082,0.0,0.0,0.13322581268070854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905282899509257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114908949067533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706799592859015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18810830127931055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18375281198501067,0.0,0.0,0.1325966748906626,0.12788723338219513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496741059862374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468010372350864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,standsure,2019/10/13,"PSA reminder - we don't offer or confirm PTSD diagnosis. We can and do offer support for folks impacted by PTSD, no matter the origin.",4.790399999999998,6.762781840000002,6.749000000000002,68.93950000000001,70.6,8.200000000000001,32.5,8.841846274778883,3.2642000000000007,106,5,16,2,2,37,21,25,0.081,0.778,0.141,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8996230390998358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366673648451136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thr0waway3745774,2019/10/13,"is this unreasonable? i honestly think i have ptsd from getting pulled over and getting a ticket from a cop. i keep replaying it in my head and i keep having dreams about it, if i can even get to sleep. I'm scared to even drive anymore and its affecting my performance at work. is it even possible to have gotten ptsd from this or is this something else?",3.2433333333333323,5.182547428571431,4.131428571428572,86.22190476190477,74.71428571428572,8.095238095238095,25.952380952380953,8.841846274778883,1.9243809523809523,280,10,57,6,6,90,45,70,0.043,0.868,0.08900000000000001,0.4871,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,2,0,7,2,2,1,0,9,15,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,10,14,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,41,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088367764428233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591088511392453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172543178847156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300549165479797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611376365162047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743427758566565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23739503738555795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4923087897596181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108252979203148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107300612115036,0.0,0.0,0.16211322023104474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492986957927064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533032805490965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Formal_Stuff,2019/02/02,"[TW] Need some support Hey Reddit, I really need some support right now. Here are some things that have happened in the last 2 years: &#x200B; * I got drugged and gang raped by strangers * A university lecturer locked me in his office with him and threatened me * My ex-boyfriend tried to murder me * That same ex who I was in an absuive relationship for 5 years with has been harrassing / stalking me continuously since we broke up 4 years ago * My dad died * A guy on my university course spiked my drink with ketamine and sexually assulted me Most of the time, I can handle it. But right now, I feel really overwhelemed. I have a mountain of work to do, and I am worried about letting my teachers down when they have been so supportive and kind to me. I feel like a massive idiot for not being more on top of my work. Even though it feels like i'm working flat out most of the time. My family mostly pretend that nothing has happened, and that I don't have ptsd. My boyfriend has been genuinly amazing. But he lives an hour away and I feel like i've already been really whiney about this stuff with him. &#x200B; It's almost impossible to explain to anyone what it's like to try and study or do anything really when the flashbacks are so intense. &#x200B; I don't really know why i'm posting. Just that I desperately feel like I need a little bit more help to keep going. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",3.6315299145299136,6.154310848148151,4.062222222222225,84.4346153846154,75.7037037037037,6.820512820512822,28.162393162393165,7.882392219407189,1.9258632478632485,1139,48,209,18,26,357,150,270,0.109,0.769,0.12300000000000001,0.2467,0,0,2,0,0,0,60.0,1,0,1,4,12,14,3,0,11,0,22,3,0,0,0,38,42,16,2,3,5,2,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,14,14,1,1,7,2,0,1,3,4,0,0,6,5,32,10,29,34,10,28,0,1,0,1,14,13,0,8,18,139,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046798234135944514,0.0,0.05286504364404285,0.0,0.05825891734095034,0.0,0.0,0.4576137032199541,0.5131988483066889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03691442832503962,0.0,0.04344453527261635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960121177693105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576368061432159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479129662996772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051717511151131164,0.06122367531513793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03486959525450632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04976899390462293,0.0,0.13346984732482284,0.15086268900572586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030003750984691626,0.0,0.04222376827406436,0.0,0.0,0.052273844811945004,0.0933701990086688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035386356421270616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199094279920142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04692527022875469,0.0,0.05497628474393918,0.02901391562442797,0.0430337319850078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053984909581982564,0.0,0.12896113673241302,0.05291293573074675,0.04661760955560276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743708815457175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065676735841748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050561559825649215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171275228323728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910427387684332,0.0,0.0,0.056680439496688766,0.0,0.09017068594432504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04367131173494746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060435903214859976,0.0,0.1797282444688698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03507364187833835,0.0,0.05186932549009345,0.0,0.06156860481583741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168661415213631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047637903682618464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153028453709324,0.05361434101480225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5131988483066889,0.10199180954671846 ptsd,curseofsebs,2019/02/02,"Sudden Flood of Good Memories Hi all. I am not a follower of this sub, but I have PTSD and I just had a profound and overwhelming moment that was incredibly positive, so I just wanted to share it with you to show that things can get better and there is the possibility of a brighter future. A bit of background of my experience. I had a pretty rough time at school and with my family, which had a negative effect on me. I ended up working in commissioning at our local hospital and I think I got swine flu and was just not right for a year or so until I had a chest infection that wouldn't quit and started catastrophising my job, all coming together into a huge breakdown. This left me bed ridden with severe anxiety, chronic fatigue, pain and the most bizarre constellation of symptoms, including stammer, ticks, altered gate, hypersensitivity, involuntary movements and a lot more. I was in a wheelchair for a lot of my 20s and on crutches with altered gait for the rest. I barely went out or did anything. I had numerous attempts of doctors and psychologists tried to help, Identify and pin down what was wrong with me, I kept shrugging them off and refusing to believe it was anything to do with my mind, or they just didn't know or want to. It was a very bleak time. Finally, I had one last go at it and I was lucky enough to see a fantastic therapist who used CBT and EMDR to help me process the memories of school. It was rough, but ultimately it changed my life dramatically. I could walk and talk, losing all my anxiety and bizarre symptoms. I still have the fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome, but it was a whole world of difference. I did have another breakdown a while later, but managed to see the therapist again, and this time sort the family stuff out, which has left me so much happier and able to have a relationship with them as an adult. Anyways, to today. It's been a year and a bit since I last saw my therapist. I am happier now than I have ever been in my life. I still get overwhelmed with my conditions, but now I know it's okay to have feelings, and I am free of the weight that ground me down all my life. Tonight, I had a bath and sang along to two albums that were so tied to the bad times, but albums I do so enjoy (Out of Bounds by No Fun At All & Americana by The Offspring). I sang along with every word and I was suddenly inundated with all these happy memories and good times that had become so buried by all the bad and traumatic ones. A whole, overwhelming flood of good times and friends from a childhood and adolescence that had only been pain and discomfort before. I absolutely sobbed my heart out, and not for the first time in the bath, but this time it was pure joy. It was indescribable and such a gift to have the positive memories back and to be able to cope with the processed negative ones alongside them. I think I just wanted to share this because it was so profoundly positive and I wanted to give hope to anyone in the dark and cold because I know reading this would have buoyed me a little when I was adrift. I have so much love for all of you suffering with PTSD or family, friends or partners effected and trying to help. I send you all positive vibes and truly hope things get better and you can have a moment like this because it can get better and things can help. Apologies for the long and rambling post, I just wanted to share some good that has come after struggling with PTSD. TLDR: I had a big happy cry in the bath and remembered some good times from my past, which was overshadowed by the bad times for so long while getting my 00's punk on, and things can get better. And I love you! ",6.435001548040872,6.480339107193236,6.69885720183013,77.835254050707,65.5444287729196,10.358540025456671,32.525405070693864,10.097256963172876,3.0555890536310164,2893,108,564,61,41,934,292,709,0.11699999999999999,0.672,0.212,0.9982,3,0,1,0,0,0,68.0,1,5,4,11,26,44,0,5,46,1,59,19,2,3,11,129,93,69,0,10,22,0,4,1,3,2,14,2,5,2,39,64,1,3,9,7,1,9,8,17,0,5,36,10,70,28,90,53,23,83,0,8,3,2,31,31,1,15,43,419,109,7,0.12076797196840135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06542602358571857,0.0,0.0,0.06331787428116216,0.09238716799935158,0.0,0.0,0.04222188699775891,0.0,0.09938175083189994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046431557940837226,0.15125431816808405,0.11042855217622184,0.06668936839071188,0.05138232458183722,0.06803207425013556,0.0,0.21361891420181492,0.131847346758985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387825054047283,0.10403091432373636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048211699318725584,0.0,0.06632897319010223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308841327721147,0.0,0.06180556834339863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348228866541209,0.06239279917859108,0.0,0.0,0.05462077237114905,0.05087611253164942,0.0,0.0,0.059067125071021666,0.17077394384632275,0.0,0.030531957649384805,0.0,0.0,0.06614770509977491,0.0,0.05136258763098757,0.0,0.0,0.09330503556487964,0.0,0.1892888425177948,0.05792582160446678,0.03431761078432433,0.2532361127236857,0.048294589773663785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12855975183167706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155531412883483,0.16189645186165347,0.0,0.0,0.11994984581396655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059921788687431365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955637855777044,0.0984420158407474,0.0,0.0,0.13121475490598505,0.0,0.12795298520178566,0.029500565438934687,0.06052061739847819,0.0,0.10687585484558633,0.0,0.06755423469089136,0.0,0.10267261106398834,0.10899780979791228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097061230459936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887783551377266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227532549582041,0.04592474234760454,0.12850563694950545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05764334721235233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680738713365728,0.05783116689744094,0.061432222180752775,0.0,0.0,0.2117569447599513,0.0,0.0,0.06422580190595,0.06040032674837675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482980287112262,0.0684032849655259,0.051567594098013335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222363512633122,0.09623643777677553,0.0,0.0,0.06821671654387756,0.0,0.04995025719702447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04274009607428746,0.0,0.0964454584163144,0.0,0.0,0.06312645291965477,0.0691252172098367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552416410575554,0.0,0.048534360629364316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103313854689104,0.16046574861705942,0.07738324004037167,0.0,0.0,0.35210387822539463,0.0,0.057236958198864214,0.0,0.0,0.0819935255486635,0.0,0.05898638017023323,0.0,0.0,0.05215237622403512,0.0,0.04982311235956318,0.17808019714305814,0.0,0.0,0.07353142738821906,0.0,0.05597655996862231,0.0,0.13483312782980236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439602609663002,0.0,0.0,0.042895051141980715,0.06602040943679723,0.0,0.07777061441415624 ptsd,Full_Metal_Handjob,2019/02/02,Anyone have experience with Ketamine therapy? I’ve been reading a lot about Ketamine therapy lately and it’s being touted as a wonder drug for PTSD and major depression. I was just wondering if any of you had experience with it. Insurance doesn’t cover it and the cost is pretty high so I don’t want to waste my money if it’s not as great as they say. Any thoughts?,3.5578538812785365,5.367314671232883,5.481027397260277,77.43651826484022,73.5205479452055,8.702283105022829,27.235159817351605,9.2995712137729,2.550225570776256,293,11,54,7,6,101,55,73,0.153,0.782,0.064,-0.7633,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,14,12,9,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,4,1,5,1,9,7,2,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,5,1,38,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592237470855784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326921413412268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16416012863175103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103094821914354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728790870855592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101328564534546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013752281364697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150006855359481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203797559216668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390473886153647,0.0,0.0,0.22279662375976916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064766289644175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15156965667045758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359264673682448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151312001612621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124185090418375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133866475550305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sparksparkboom,2019/02/02,"Anyone else just stop wanting to eat? Just got diagnosed yesterday. The panic attacks, insomnia, and flashbacks started about 2 weeks ago and ever since then i just haven't felt the desire to eat food anymore and i'm down to like one and a half meals a day.",4.131,5.939602699999997,4.625,84.1675,72.0,7.4,28.5,8.07648339933343,1.966,205,8,38,3,4,65,39,50,0.204,0.748,0.048,-0.7997,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,4,0,1,6,0,0,1,12,6,5,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,1,1,5,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,22,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19958388826731974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22329053575925467,0.1574316910521606,0.23069509149228554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561431929673927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452045774530981,0.0,0.0,0.2285247983991125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607739303414274,0.1880858173164104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366310395889115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21618147243486835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722549992617842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007482557901394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999801842804724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256899430109044,0.0,0.0,0.26416765831372396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624827117355788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936392423825196,0.0,0.0,0.18823736600018556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280063290691807,0.0,0.18060355718959226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Lexipedia7,2019/02/02,"Family with a very negative view of medication. I fought my PTSD without medication for years pre and post diagnoses but after starting a full time Master's Degree this year along with full time work and a few other personal life stressors my anxiety just got the better of me and I was finding it difficult to function. I ended up screwing up my degree and am having to take a leave of absence and I am recommending the degree from the start part time in September. This means it's going to take 3 years longer than it should but I really think its the best thing for me. I've been agonising over telling my aunt about the leave of absence. I had a bit of a breakdown three years ago, got arrested, lost my job and registration as a nurse and basically just completely screwed my life. My dad and his wife kicked me out of the house, I didn't make life at home difficult and helped out as much as I could but my dad's wife was just waiting for a reason to get rid of me and my brother. I was very fortunate to have my aunt who took me in, looked after me, provided for me and got me back into education. The only problem with her is that she doesn't believe in mental health problems and always states that ""they weren't a thing 20 years ago"" etc. She was always getting at me about the PTSD saying I need to learn to get over things and draw a line in the sand. She even asked me if I was in therapy for attention. My housemate is on sertraline my aunt was asking how he is getting on and she basically said she couldn't understand why he was on it and I told her he had really bad anxiety and she said ""anxiety? What even is that? We didn't have any of those things 20 years ago. He needs to just get on with it. A man his age should know how. He's going to be destroying his brain and he'll be on it for the rest of his life. I just don't understand that."" The thing is I finally had the nerve to go to the docs about my issues and started on propranolol and sertraline and I was trying to figure out how to tell my aunt about it along with the leave of absence. I don't really know what to do. I'm supposed to graduate and get a job relevant to my degree this summer and I don't really see a way around telling her but it's going to cause a complete blow out and things have been really good with her lately. She won't understand it. It's difficult for me to get a good job with the conviction and the degree was a way around that. I have my own house but I go home at the weekends and work at my aunt and uncles business (I'm trying to get another job) and I think she'll panic thinking I'm going to be relying on them forever. It might not be so bad if I get another job. Does anyone have any advice in regards to this? I would really appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time to read my post! ",3.3917690599555885,4.434991930915373,4.908362941031335,84.42591968911918,72.69602763385146,8.761263261781396,25.53010115963484,9.172331337620626,1.858244312854675,2204,68,472,47,42,742,223,579,0.12,0.828,0.052000000000000005,-0.9886,5,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,2,6,18,18,4,1,34,0,47,11,1,6,0,88,99,41,0,11,14,10,1,0,0,7,8,3,2,2,33,44,0,1,14,2,0,7,12,13,0,1,26,7,70,5,89,60,10,67,0,1,3,2,49,30,2,3,25,330,103,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784987257264745,0.15743254889282848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851882591922438,0.0,0.0,0.08051650232817884,0.12415340537144465,0.13586426009198532,0.0,0.0,0.041394243817339006,0.0,0.0,0.10540168115325632,0.11068862510777984,0.0,0.0,0.045521395818333206,0.0988595973932883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669849381812093,0.062127088869615175,0.05235787672714927,0.0646314223082966,0.0,0.0,0.06608714158457576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060815041403753975,0.0,0.0,0.12414082916192914,0.0,0.0,0.047266642453793986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008708386488035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05180660347813355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243391649082107,0.0,0.06602401143562885,0.07820251285310473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055808797852469776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485106250705609,0.05410802467799534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27836753836343403,0.0,0.20186945431078415,0.09930884798205056,0.1420437242126708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629271772968755,0.0,0.0,0.0396807300552382,0.0,0.11876550603933847,0.0,0.0,0.1366184536585098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178975872379375,0.29373593973076784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506990095461455,0.0,0.0667805453479547,0.1880537894284596,0.0,0.0,0.16725976164543027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04971336313871815,0.0,0.06462414814103648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0395166767321881,0.0,0.0,0.06448650925266121,0.0,0.11927619878652902,0.059660003680846424,0.06280218962878657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04351905065811515,0.08779258194049178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04502451494141227,0.0,0.0694588261347633,0.0,0.06410818310220796,0.0,0.0,0.051691440453418384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339509401467344,0.0,0.0,0.11329343196997944,0.1384040241478466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059216345593506026,0.0,0.22755146519218195,0.060867794049046374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262613190143787,0.04707847468217974,0.0,0.0,0.04717499444844171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257068845195945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353383081248074,0.0,0.1552310806094341,0.05450370557877378,0.06770073116253238,0.0,0.23598039292768785,0.11379953384521298,0.0,0.0,0.13808074267326098,0.0,0.0,0.05656844765002054,0.06577373949828587,0.08038626952378385,0.0,0.0,0.1848888788618986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769293640807217,0.0,0.09398092510319248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053419085421610786,0.0,0.0,0.0570670008710226,0.0,0.08619708355571455,0.0,0.0,0.04205421244253303,0.0,0.0,0.2287384106059531 ptsd,flowerlaboratory,2019/02/02,"How to support friend with PTSD during trauma anniversary I hope it's ok for me to post here. This girl and I have been very close friends for a few years, and she has PTSD. She didn't tell me any details about her trauma, all I know is that it's from sexual assault. February is a hard month for her, because she's reminded of it more than usual as it's the anniversary month. I really, really want to help her, but it's hard because we're far (she's an online friend). She's been venting online the past two days, and saying some concerning things clearly related to trauma, but whenever I offer to listen to her she doesn't even reply to me - she barely ever does, because she says that she feels like a burden, even if I told her over and over that she isn't, because ""I already have enough problems"" so she doesn't want to overwhelm me with hers. She can't afford therapy and never had any treatment, she's severely burnt out from work, and since we recently confessed to each other but don't know if we actually want to start a ldr, she's been stressed out by doubting her feelings too. It's a very hard time for her. I also deal with trauma, but I deal with it completely differently (I have access to therapy and a few other conditions so it's a whole different situation), and since it was an ongoing trauma, I have no anniversaries. I don't know how any of this works. Is there a way to support her? Or is it better to let her process her feelings alone? Thank you.",6.309932432432432,5.682271614864867,6.9331081081081125,78.30614864864866,65.95945945945945,10.372972972972974,32.013513513513516,9.827888789773867,2.8350581081081083,1162,40,233,22,16,384,144,296,0.141,0.7390000000000001,0.12,-0.823,3,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,2,1,0,3,12,21,1,3,12,1,22,0,0,2,4,45,38,21,0,7,7,0,6,1,3,0,0,3,0,1,18,18,0,0,7,0,0,0,9,11,0,1,7,9,44,10,33,30,8,19,1,1,0,0,42,6,0,6,12,166,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.09765592547374967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364450635699436,0.11043204112925124,0.08002761520647803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20415736097638326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440120719278877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850563242611703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492368370986567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453822008974994,0.20633986382732772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20910807216573332,0.0,0.0,0.08757376141465494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340122120309893,0.0,0.13219334491817974,0.09052093575842086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15179836847667671,0.07149152197443663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23194634834842315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689348127569749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707621332642423,0.0,0.0,0.09939416650297853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649910126962817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233049338055478,0.0,0.04889016894139391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975317696246782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718176601003443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553013447802924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584140092319313,0.0,0.0,0.095755476281842,0.233957838881823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282174882764143,0.0,0.09880911730863133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916268710120102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305297870852578,0.0,0.16556133597395825,0.11248522340566423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083154124515581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463224240267765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271212464536402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746741859634076,0.0921329365007446,0.2288823153954776,0.0,0.0664834507616016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058352841158224165,0.0,0.0,0.09562317167137266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977558920941188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021527041803293,0.16513991133405595,0.17707533656863866,0.07943256805080214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172691608472513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570734854550588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444314576367331 ptsd,Alaspooralice,2019/02/02,"Tired of dreams I posted last month about my ""best friend"" seeing my ex and since then I've been having dreams about him every single night. I usually have some days where I don't, but lately sleeping has been hell. Last night I dreamt about his suicide attempt, when he made me responsible for if he hurt himself or not. It's really been a punch to the gut this morning, I don't feel like getting out of bed or eating but I know I'll have to eventually. I'm so tired of being fucked up about this. I'm tired of being scared of being in my living room if the curtains are open, and looking for him wherever I go out of fear. I'm tired of always being ready for a fight, because if we saw each other there would be one. I'm starting therapy soon, so hopefully these feelings will be less intense with time and coping mechanisms, but for now I'm exhausted.",5.597167630057802,5.430563774566476,6.16278034682081,81.69168497109828,67.32369942196532,9.00092485549133,28.860693641618496,8.548686976883017,1.934091791907516,675,20,137,9,10,220,112,173,0.275,0.629,0.096,-0.9931,0,0,0,0,1,1,17.0,1,0,0,2,11,11,3,2,4,0,18,9,2,1,0,25,35,15,1,5,9,1,2,1,1,2,5,0,3,0,5,9,1,0,3,2,0,1,3,7,0,1,5,5,16,4,22,22,5,23,1,1,3,1,10,7,2,7,15,91,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361392479041707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323476710065245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329245880512798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805832721011453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971660618275578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504256718318885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364776859902393,0.13807952747681185,0.09754566869088298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549205008367103,0.12623092616548878,0.07133758620948978,0.0,0.07759999433459393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561706574064586,0.0,0.0,0.1461710898862431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503994048039983,0.22259999157684388,0.15402538115600994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667075492322541,0.0,0.12056913281452053,0.0,0.11466093405034933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12919939033546016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898656261555748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562709309599649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252442765878434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307695413823585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747233438575035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670241324836174,0.0,0.10880633668225097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294899577540406,0.0,0.13664066028013286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664516664836366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935484238890695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561477353549192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961876812228416,0.6277400070298257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038177892922433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699555562068124,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lanahbanana,2019/02/02,"Loss of memories Can someone relate? I have severe PTSD and depression, and it almost feels like I lost my memory. I look at old pictures ( a year ago), and I barely remember when, where, and what I was doing in those photos. As if those pictures represent someone’s else memories and not mine. My boyfriend was showing me a picture once and asked me if I remember this day, and I couldn’t. I tried to remember, but even when he tried to remind me, I just couldn’t remember at all. Is this normal? ",4.290014727540502,5.5228184432989735,5.507069219440354,80.26072164948455,70.75257731958762,9.25419734904271,29.32106038291605,9.606745405546679,2.7483060382916062,387,15,74,9,7,129,63,97,0.08800000000000001,0.894,0.018000000000000002,-0.6209,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,22,12,13,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,2,15,1,7,7,1,10,0,3,1,0,2,4,0,3,7,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130075397677905,0.0,0.15961864082775662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901987830066946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280146585540764,0.0,0.13729319362375558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331603869925167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528388925988304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059872518000694,0.11387722259748875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787604036963597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385800605319953,0.0,0.17400672710288848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561806670148992,0.0,0.0,0.16726617508955074,0.16975852687076876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863330655227858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7222881191776064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007952364342425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701225480816869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164477531420185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026500241194518 ptsd,Rosandito,2019/02/02,"Is it possible to have post-operative PTSD 3 months after surgery? I began to have random panic attacks 3 months after my jaw surgery. They kind of came out of nowhere, but I’m now mostly triggered by fluorescent lights. Though the surgery was very successful, could my unconscious self be having some issues because of this? Can anybody relate? ",6.212459016393439,8.667098114754097,5.804065573770496,75.17986885245901,67.85245901639344,8.158688524590165,33.511475409836066,8.841846274778883,3.2099219672131145,279,13,43,5,5,86,50,61,0.065,0.838,0.098,0.6224,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,2,4,1,1,1,0,8,1,1,1,0,8,11,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,4,2,9,6,2,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,6,29,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28441780868193955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524012790671274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859401527056119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996093717804528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26094121098995504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26034267785615073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991046559583713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933280624474505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818440935326869,0.23943654873922102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29224352395079783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608106829202622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456295320714982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20628105415849946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yepyepyep_yepyepyep,2019/02/02,"just fk me up Im new to ptsd. Ive done some sketches of how I am. Its not good. I want you to know you r my lifeline at times... apart from my psychiatrist, doctor, I am at a place you were all at once. I dont understand how people can just go out and do shopping,,, have coffee,, knock on doors... make a living,,,, I have massive reasons to stay on the planet, massive,, but Im just no good today. I wish I could hold someone and cry. But I cannot get close (7 years now). I have my dogs. Hit me up with some comments .... nothing is wrong , nothing is right. Just fk me up. ",-1.1099726775956285,0.8517211721311497,1.4131475409836085,99.41737158469948,91.37704918032787,3.9090710382513683,17.969398907103823,5.2151,-0.7096968306010929,421,12,104,2,15,143,78,122,0.10800000000000001,0.8340000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.6114,0,0,0,0,1,0,37.0,0,3,0,0,7,3,0,0,3,0,15,1,0,4,1,25,23,6,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,3,1,1,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,19,2,15,19,3,20,0,0,0,0,4,13,0,2,5,68,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930743113495514,0.0,0.1916571910035032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858683841103745,0.0,0.17855278338171374,0.20448830450511649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911581724155667,0.0,0.09916054129203072,0.2926897233048712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769349195685237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588919664702901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406831631260534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646621034978355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16851308341150004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348349660632792,0.0,0.0,0.18581463685738914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209618973910636,0.0,0.18229361155530094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395682940273235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939366089125594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490042700240214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478356466211599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597159523204326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017402154692012,0.0,0.16538586536744698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816389841585176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291234347912874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064245109413728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19076559779227648,0.0,0.11235887414172986 ptsd,Lalas_bearcub,2019/02/02,"A bunch of little things As far as directly triggering things, life has been semi smooth recently. I started back up at school and that’s been hard but getting thru initially. But the last like 2 weeks I have had so many like just common life circumstances all happen at one and has cause me to spiral so fast and have panic attack after attack. I was able to pick my self up for a few days but my goals of getting work done today were not met and I ended up spending almost all day in bed. I am trying to be self positive and saying that I must have needed this time but as deadlines and exams dates get closer I just can’t help but feel insufficient. Like I am not capable a facing “normal” life. Teachers and friends just keep saying things like “oh well your computer breaking just happens sometimes” and “falling down the stairs and spraining your ankle is just a bad day” and having to pick your self up and play fun best friend to a girl turning 21 in New York City “should be an amazing time” and having debilitating stomach pain when eating almost anything just sucks. I know all these things are true but I feel like all these people would handle it without feeling bedridden and self harming. Im really not feeling sorry for myself about any of these things happening either because I can recognize that it’s “just life”. I’m just really struggling and my only support is a weekly call with my therapist back home as I also try to find someone here at school. Does anyone else just",7.71735431235431,7.1330888006993005,7.400545454545457,75.96415151515154,63.09090909090909,9.724568764568764,32.35337995337996,8.841846274778883,2.615743869463869,1191,38,213,15,15,377,173,286,0.127,0.6859999999999999,0.187,0.9735,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,3,18,22,3,2,9,0,25,8,2,4,6,58,44,28,0,5,20,0,6,5,2,3,5,2,2,5,14,15,1,1,6,1,1,1,5,8,1,1,7,8,21,14,30,32,8,36,0,0,0,0,15,14,1,2,25,148,35,6,0.08815579663955572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17655059251214728,0.0,0.0,0.07049815872284063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994896470597433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164058273474386,0.0903260314272942,0.07254470927368295,0.0,0.0,0.2005798905230186,0.0,0.13557273216647786,0.07360640792394342,0.05373895539895129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251406979277144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001692477793133,0.0,0.0,0.0905602867806162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055958765625628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714573171070538,0.0902139870011187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020538808102342,0.07364285618759478,0.0,0.07807986979593716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829687826510407,0.06297851873365966,0.0,0.0,0.08057280105163997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621789960762432,0.0,0.13817329574352458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23386763948810946,0.0,0.07897027822592556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05908897224305384,0.0,0.08842745181378428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952233879813746,0.0,0.0,0.07835692256742167,0.0,0.0,0.04844812035984605,0.07185874025867957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24906818497261896,0.2153423465840003,0.08835526759158553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937614119310082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536640619018731,0.0,0.0851414177280219,0.0,0.0,0.08637396345887167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973664929291225,0.06704645579671913,0.09380398307028999,0.10343183312904633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111612953990864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294972137096647,0.0,0.08704321398701134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021005560473085,0.0,0.17843674522518754,0.0,0.0,0.3678628878396376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469412041632263,0.0,0.08718833701440393,0.09868319691660883,0.062397126596872736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215957932319394,0.0,0.0,0.10003815333311364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023556745059566,0.29283397063256184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280870790132443,0.0,0.08356138742755467,0.0,0.0,0.11970399843957695,0.09588819216957707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142652517714058,0.0,0.07926264826452448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497904211359253,0.0,0.0641784698840672,0.0,0.0,0.06262334861937073,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,elektrozombiexx,2018/12/18,Ptsd anger??? I am new to Ptsd and also have bipolar with manic episodes. Ive been blowing a lot of money recently and laying in bed for days on end eating pizza. My one year anniversary of my traumatic experience was nov 11th and the holidays and having so many family issues ( mom needs to be in the psyche ward) . Im really down and cant find motivation to do really anything. Im now becoming angry about everything and cant even go out without snapping over something. Ive never delt with this extreme before and Im really sick of it. I have a therapist that I only feel has made it worse for me in reality. Tomorrow I have an appointment with a psychotherapist which I hope to yield better results. Does anyone have any suggestions to help me? Is this normal? I feel like Im slipping away from society here.,3.0641983122362864,5.393466221518989,5.321797468354434,75.66898312236289,76.65822784810126,9.023459915611816,26.35611814345992,9.558583805096642,2.905920168776372,645,25,114,19,15,225,110,158,0.124,0.7929999999999999,0.083,-0.8311,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,1,0,6,0,16,4,0,3,1,24,22,9,0,3,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,11,2,1,4,1,1,1,4,1,0,1,3,2,12,3,24,18,1,17,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,2,9,77,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441925423848644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879417988173735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129974167541388,0.0,0.10745052890085688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267771783288048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420772114926295,0.11110808385359494,0.0,0.0,0.11548128867761953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420884208861798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142653924421478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360887039255406,0.0,0.0,0.11564900307798227,0.0,0.0,0.08624229558779843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735067539677585,0.12772553867097142,0.12309269012450418,0.0,0.13204335686756355,0.0932814427830252,0.0,0.0,0.11934144026079856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420769705751226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752039098773348,0.0,0.0,0.1296885420753715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5641653818601484,0.136284383755441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379141709124328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11100857320493443,0.0,0.12355141646904705,0.0,0.13238062070227655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292562685925098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968182929920686,0.10070601787624904,0.12610830559305233,0.0,0.0,0.12793390655003825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847970617778662,0.09930672006840413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052659134757073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509453981281071,0.0,0.1289251755748336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052154519622117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160542335592206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586780086395874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306513558908026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408479003233048 ptsd,mitzuleech,2018/12/18,"Can PTSD affect your ability to love, especially your partner? I've been telling myself that I'm in pain and that's why I can't think straight some of the time, but I don't know HOW MUCH I am influenced by my trauma and how much is just my normal brain. My trauma comes from my ex, and the problem I've been having is being unable to feel love for my boyfriend. Earlier this year I used to not care about anything at all; my love for dancing disappeared, I stopped going out as much, stopped running, stuff like that. I just stopped caring. Now I've definitely regained a LOT of overwhelming emotion and some control, especially with the help of therapy, yoga teaching / psychotherapy, and daily meditation (and great new friends). And I feel bursts of love for my boyfriend again. So I'm really just wondering if it's normal to feel detached from the people you used to love? Or find it hard to love?? Thank you guys",6.025511363636365,6.637784619318179,6.1374999999999975,79.5575,66.44318181818181,9.354545454545457,33.04545454545455,9.339509955726095,2.8576999999999995,727,30,139,13,11,231,107,176,0.13699999999999998,0.601,0.261,0.9895,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,4,0,1,9,17,0,1,5,0,10,8,1,7,1,41,31,14,0,4,7,1,4,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,7,10,0,4,7,2,0,5,3,5,0,0,2,4,19,12,22,28,7,17,0,1,0,6,16,4,0,6,9,89,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315265648089224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636687633231675,0.0,0.0,0.2308266717737835,0.0,0.0,0.09751041759954153,0.0,0.0,0.12696165614661364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127332989076575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717095707488405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346130728501644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745682032322175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433327209226451,0.0,0.0,0.12480166028987055,0.0,0.11208423517817807,0.0,0.0,0.10140355200856488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587451639513243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221089254075856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553030312974338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623725068616923,0.6129959745093643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496415956609043,0.0,0.0,0.10932774171019743,0.0,0.0,0.2218208392461295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045110248523767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847753306164422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831560242844204,0.1323228981011631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251780798230481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839168493766357,0.0,0.0,0.12958511112984133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894041057492944,0.10421789863178756,0.1294522613218886,0.0,0.0,0.07253297830355157,0.0,0.0,0.06600691040229091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955341839480016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214396930179304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275886034024168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728960726510409 ptsd,AceWitch,2018/12/18,"Having Unusual Triggers, Having Trouble Talking *TW* I find myself unable to speak about what happened. The aspects of my trauma just feel too complicated to be able to explain well. It feels like I’ll be brushed off as an oddball who just has one more odd thing about her. &#x200B; \*TW\* Small things that seem like they should be unrelated trigger me. For instance, I used to like the movie Frozen and I had this neat coffee mug with Elsa on it. My abuser would use this mug exclusively and say something along the lines of “I’ll head out as soon as I’m done” That cup was never empty and now the song Let it Go makes me cry. &#x200B; How am I supposed to explain that? That’s such a weird trigger and I have no idea how to describe anything in a cohesive way. &#x200B; Is this normal? Does anyone else experience anything similar? I feel like I’m going insane.",2.4534194768358053,5.162182353293417,3.241487551213364,87.47775606681375,81.75449101796406,5.192436180271037,24.957138354869212,6.5966054737557815,1.0158574850299398,691,27,127,7,19,218,116,167,0.12300000000000001,0.78,0.09699999999999999,-0.6947,0,0,1,0,1,0,31.0,0,0,1,0,11,9,0,0,7,0,15,1,1,8,1,29,29,9,0,3,2,0,3,4,0,2,0,3,0,0,14,7,0,0,8,1,0,2,2,3,1,1,3,7,13,6,20,20,1,11,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,7,86,27,0,0.11565219291072293,0.137028937012671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3759273080993774,0.4215902194495777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086670233060128,0.11849933878088426,0.19034380112011146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703850330382285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120801338254844,0.11835234693140208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661256701164853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313003658259613,0.0,0.0,0.1754316710857366,0.16524389944764253,0.0,0.0,0.10570400910426764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145561287399068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227085224371976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869251558486425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055724856290254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182622029270156,0.0,0.22600727855307665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719873682190333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891981009042863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11331459376690516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836891901858384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197126574173307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528541283332923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903470835760224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295685183443324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366835603962475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19977272376132452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917993275660586,0.0,0.0,0.10398521069674448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821559996202584,0.0,0.4215902194495777,0.0 ptsd,blowacirkut,2018/12/18,"My friend keeps texting me about potential risk of triggers in stuff. (tw suicide) I appreciate she's looking out for me but it's kinda annoying. I'm not gonna say anything because she's coming from a good place and in the end it is good to know. But the thing is suicide doesn't trigger me. Blood doesn't trigger me. It's weird stuff like seeing someone sitting in a parked car that does and I can't really hide from that. Also it kinda sucks to be going about my day and getting a nice reminder that I have triggers in the first place.",1.896181818181816,4.118433709090913,3.2209090909090925,89.78136363636364,80.0909090909091,5.454545454545455,25.45454545454545,6.574015621080383,0.9485454545454544,428,17,86,4,11,139,69,110,0.132,0.695,0.17300000000000001,0.6035,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,9,2,1,6,0,7,1,1,4,0,16,17,6,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,10,5,0,1,1,0,0,3,4,4,0,1,0,3,11,5,13,15,0,14,0,0,2,0,4,7,1,2,4,55,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007649196138365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443318911285894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439949715070942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161657706076399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12102909281391824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422784643857186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621643974907613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962866708514495,0.0,0.0,0.1449903436189806,0.0,0.09804777828527188,0.0,0.10665495489451376,0.3148107990378383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16680622973488327,0.0,0.0,0.10313636664347213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916841646123407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15759223765627375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921422102916895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022369277765553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923959479278634,0.0,0.0,0.14954556415359668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590088559091828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4296655131339298,0.4105524520937954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246770010332744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,grublove,2018/12/18,"Anniversary of PTSD event - New Years I had a very, very traumatic experience on a hallucinogenic substance on the previous New Years (2018). I've been diagnosed with PTSD from this event and I've been in therapy for this event for the entirety of the year. I was even admitted to a psychiatric hospital a few months ago because my PTSD had gotten out of control, it was affecting every aspect of my life. &#x200B; Even as I type this, my anxiety is through the roof - I get very panicked when I even think about the event or talk about it but I thought I would make a post here for some support. &#x200B; I have definitely gotten better over the year but it's not something that fades away. I'm getting pretty anxious about the upcoming New Year and have vowed not to do anything whatsoever that makes me feel even the slightest bit unsafe. But with my PTSD comes the worry about the sounds... I am so so terrified of the sound of fireworks after what happened and everything that comes with the celebrations. &#x200B; I really need to figure out a plan on how to cope because it's going to be here soon. Does anyone have any tips on coping with anniversary PTSD? &#x200B;",6.1563333333333325,7.465240754545455,6.060000000000002,77.73833333333336,66.45454545454545,9.684848484848484,32.39393939393939,9.888512548439397,3.211584848484849,946,39,169,21,15,297,123,220,0.09,0.8370000000000001,0.073,-0.5759,1,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,3,15,2,0,0,18,0,14,2,0,5,0,30,31,12,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,11,11,0,1,5,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,9,3,15,2,35,20,3,31,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,2,18,115,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692464461770946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385610937569829,0.3796852283377172,0.053122575516118015,0.0,0.0597596700302107,0.08825053434336574,0.0,0.05462156898361956,0.0,0.06428404252829399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733939582346723,0.0,0.0,0.09523940005768246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908857637568211,0.08528407253192362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345826102813594,0.0,0.0,0.08761541336038745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928761329311511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836114649599137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20638347541012514,0.0,0.06581735890708493,0.0,0.07020696766314571,0.07641389990225081,0.0,0.0,0.03949855275391512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162633414879528,0.0,0.04439597275480543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907904304056177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055176697086279404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428806931008512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062352639404293926,0.0,0.0,0.057923132886220086,0.0,0.2263390910079612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481496675549942,0.07947357639039533,0.0,0.0,0.4565758578633294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05004406775398155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060138664299791776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864680784723739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278788362380408,0.0,0.0,0.08933416379711179,0.0,0.0,0.05005453669403154,0.0,0.062016565399834224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19336534405989186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933210831453888,0.0,0.05549242730747569,0.0,0.3796852283377172,0.251525528711376 ptsd,FormalMeringue3,2018/12/18,"How to stop flinching I'm curious if there's anyone in this sub who has practiced avoiding flinching. I've read different techniques martial artists use, but am unsure how valid they are against vague triggers like someone raising their hand to scratch their face or knocking on a wooden door. It feels so stupid to be in the zone but suddenly flinch when someone moves their hand like holy shit. Post info.",7.101351351351353,8.579927513513514,5.330648648648651,83.20489189189192,64.4054054054054,7.541621621621622,37.77297297297297,7.554174236665415,2.889019459459459,332,17,56,3,5,95,62,74,0.195,0.627,0.17800000000000002,-0.1529,1,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,4,0,5,5,2,1,2,0,4,4,4,4,0,12,7,8,0,1,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,4,4,2,7,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,2,5,29,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088535042255697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120712295420608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15102845465621126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918532025290237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174640174119028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28606589422745143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987744223378144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30660467944531544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.506164221747456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24972121719955515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25797536070943883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Gig_103,2018/12/18,"I need help with controlling flashbacks/intrusive thoughts Yesterday I was at my best friends house, I was planning on spending the night. I'd already been plagued by flashbacks all last week, but I had a full breakdown that night. I couldn't hold it back and just started crying and venting to him about my childhood. I feel like I couldn't possibly be loved by anyone. How can I help control these intrusive thoughts? ",7.006233766233766,8.164560792207794,5.587428571428571,82.43257142857144,64.45454545454545,8.757402597402598,40.07532467532467,8.841846274778883,3.6087111688311677,339,19,60,5,5,99,58,77,0.106,0.725,0.16899999999999998,0.4462,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,4,4,4,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,3,1,16,14,4,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,6,1,11,4,7,5,3,11,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,9,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134510885390266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025025745101147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423370242546547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049642184780287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4499352365420407,0.0,0.0,0.22032780218626533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141931650371024,0.14329445106463135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496767423190658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688892025977829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23144248488649904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349953836021355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799329665158296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103135568721732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872758968344066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3764616396459481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261239053846203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197161482190393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31847636109327554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089324343226735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WalkinAfterMidnight8,2018/12/18,"Easily startled? I work in a kitchen and couldn't be happier with my manager. He's great, and has been very supportive with embarrassing things like me having panic attacks at work. However he looks SO similar to the person that attacked me. Whenever he walks behind me and I don't hear him, or I turn a corner and see him, my heart goes crazy, I gasp, and put my arms up. At first he thought it was a little silly (he doesn't know about my trauma) but now I think it's hurting his feelings. He asked me ""am I really that intimidating? Why do I scare you so much?"" I don't want to tell him because nobody wants to be told that they look like a rapist, and honestly I can't even imagine telling him about that topic at all. Does anybody have any advice or tips on how I can go about fixing this? 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Whoever gets close to me always seems to want to assume a fatherly or motherly role in my life. Almost every single time. It can make things pretty awkward, and it can bring out some weird behavior in me. From therapists to friends to teachers to whoever, whenever I open up to somebody it happens. I mean, I’m not an orphan. I do have parents. Kind of really horrible parents that contributed to my PTSD, but parents nonetheless. Can people sense my fragmented relationship with them somehow? I’ve wondered if it’s something in the way I look, because I’m pretty young as it is but look even younger. Or maybe it’s the way that I love people openly. I don’t know. I don’t know how to feel about this dynamic a lot of the time. Since it happens so often, I’ve just been trying to accept and enjoy it. Other times it does grate on my nerves though, and makes me want to “rebel” like a little kid will rebel from their actual parent, which I think only reinforces the dynamic, etcetera... ",4.118886138613863,5.869892014851488,5.106027227722773,80.94141707920792,71.92079207920794,8.614356435643566,28.46658415841584,9.188382445141503,2.538028712871287,825,32,153,18,16,270,128,202,0.05,0.78,0.17,0.9824,4,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,2,0,8,12,2,1,9,0,11,2,0,3,0,35,32,12,0,4,7,6,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,17,8,0,0,9,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,3,18,8,25,29,3,17,0,0,2,1,13,10,0,11,5,99,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.11733641458021585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040249821853365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004890244120544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329688776029354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522240330886001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941706070992313,0.0,0.1013069709714623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079670779413349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289674524151448,0.0,0.06282017997556516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265479880242547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521094412620684,0.13216097759437015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492872006474818,0.05874294984123836,0.12051157458519425,0.0,0.0,0.20194180644287515,0.0,0.0,0.10222332948643714,0.10852084999891476,0.0,0.16052160988686154,0.0,0.12079674659021924,0.13097607310674267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408230579857437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144756366725927,0.0,0.0,0.5340469748501027,0.0,0.0,0.16671786989434725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446536120583652,0.0,0.0,0.1405535498442851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702850742466909,0.0,0.0,0.12909223269495576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946153176442716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946336313978542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256624725830036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396073356877839,0.1597635720196738,0.0770446213590985,0.11813470564724035,0.0,0.2103378713229855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163473287624838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127611304972384,0.1908810487590018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303946168294218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,guinteapig,2019/10/02,"will i ever trust someone enough again my first real boyfriend sexually assaulted me. it was the first time ive ever trusted someone to do anything sexual with me. i dont really know if i trusted him that much, but i felt like i owed him sex. he was very rough with me. and i didnt know how to tell him to stop. he made me feel bad when i said no and would keep asking until i said yes. i have flashbacks multiple times a day. i get triggered if someone brushes against me or touches me. i get triggered discussing sexual things or even hearing the word “sex”. my worst trigger is if something touches my breast even slightly. i dont think i can trust someone again to have a relationship let alone sex. i have sworn off men because any man will trigger me. i will only date girls because i feel like it wont be all about sex. my feelings towards men are very strange. the thought of a guy is very lustful to me and overly sexual. and sometimes im impulsive and download tinder but then i realize how stupid im being. but if a man ever touched me i would freak out. is that normal to have thoughts like that? my main question is will i ever trust anyone enough to let them have sex with me? it doesnt seem possible at this point. can i have a relationship without sex? if i say no will my partner stop?",2.3698130544993674,4.370271486692019,3.5795674904942985,88.91685440430928,77.47908745247149,6.208428390367555,27.30814321926489,7.1686216300943375,1.3621002534854252,1023,43,209,12,24,332,133,263,0.135,0.7609999999999999,0.10400000000000001,-0.8657,1,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,2,12,13,2,0,8,1,33,8,1,7,5,52,52,20,0,8,11,0,8,3,1,8,0,4,0,7,8,9,0,3,12,0,1,0,8,5,0,2,9,13,42,8,20,31,6,23,0,0,0,8,23,6,0,9,20,147,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257061019576562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673473389227113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924772157769246,0.0,0.0814975395566321,0.0,0.09258455266273603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269026372098702,0.1207418897175705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386951752901608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321370572975528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465969160503336,0.0,0.13082364448120098,0.3583320695938209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502255336886331,0.07075077387589003,0.09508933248049432,0.0,0.0,0.16847859821941386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034836194880922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806042828185084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161987943035087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21395004284740768,0.0,0.0,0.08802704512031201,0.0,0.0,0.10885432294104977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20254042431394026,0.0,0.1451508035636786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370951035759666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280227455287712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09703347872132316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532073997031404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362028454310943,0.1116473190618142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094210057247783,0.0,0.0,0.11272375064825504,0.06344449152462353,0.0,0.0,0.2126535054861226,0.0,0.0,0.18841032725947246,0.07875677404519855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015793576283676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356488485086763,0.07624214314925985,0.09794835510197662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559574027544752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656113877153594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579459300089978,0.06345776375863814,0.0,0.15724578894100805,0.11549645484614199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451432603894929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954664084462684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070354357674375,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kimook,2019/10/02,"Complete withdrawal, unable to do anything and make basic decisions. I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2017 and have gone through a few shifts in the nature of my symptoms. For the past 4 months I have been completely avoiding life. I have only left my house a handful of times since the end of May. I quit grad school even though I only had a few final assignments left to complete, withdrew my acceptance of a dream job, and deleted all social media and my main contact with the outside world. I avoid EVERYTHING. I can only watch tv/movies from my childhood and that don’t trigger anything. I immediately shut down whenever something comes up. I barely speak to anyone anymore and I shut down any conversations about myself or anything that reminds me of my trauma or current situation. I can barely make a decision of what to eat for dinner. This is a drastic change, as my symptoms used to be hypervigilance, flashbacks, nightmares, avoiding certain places but I didn’t completely shut down from my life. I still carried on with my goals. Now I have none, and my life is empty. Now I don’t even feel like I experience active anxiety, I don’t have nightmares and I don’t have the intrusive thoughts. I just completely avoid reality and feel zero emotion. I also have ADHD so my days just blend together., and I feel like I have zero mental ability to do anything. I do NOTHING except take like 4 baths a day. Has anyone experienced this type of shift and how did you pull yourself out? I can see that it'd be very easy for me to just carry on like this for a long time and I don't know how to get out.",3.988895013781008,6.055551674267104,4.966140065146579,80.488628789777,72.97394136807819,7.589526434477572,29.397268854923574,8.384062270229773,2.3174220496116265,1272,54,230,22,26,415,165,307,0.049,0.848,0.10300000000000001,0.9489,2,4,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,2,14,11,0,4,13,0,31,9,1,6,2,46,44,21,0,0,7,0,4,4,0,1,6,1,1,0,8,18,2,4,8,2,0,3,7,5,0,2,7,8,40,6,38,33,5,34,0,0,2,0,5,17,0,3,18,164,48,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618009667617285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730799047969954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573978777201409,0.0,0.07395326726806878,0.0,0.09587193687222062,0.13518961826947126,0.0,0.31820891753675995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226539977650148,0.0832737508652591,0.5067900074498721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468996086918928,0.0,0.0,0.09811931782670104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891885702152377,0.0,0.10874218232597664,0.0856220636140505,0.0,0.0,0.12770094203165794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868819161994789,0.09456306501708917,0.0,0.0,0.1466397167371659,0.13812396848060998,0.0,0.10589866580708228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050675566286475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154568181121734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593133223898484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05312800923302468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21006726473409287,0.0,0.20484535931313136,0.1889148242301357,0.0,0.0,0.08555104381979152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905766478731698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742191642827497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716209618299674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275870374653188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22056860180453408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228367867388464,0.0,0.0,0.1010009158120475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300355717374275,0.0,0.0,0.10282180949393528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783649992427446,0.07703449686738639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996748467549633,0.10866257300952344,0.0,0.0985441994151372,0.0,0.074422276961349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720181186962212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009569566366407,0.0726847742939794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497904520092773,0.07674620080303407,0.11273960562449067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349295039735419,0.0,0.07976393311416705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,spencerpng,2019/10/02,"Retraumatizing yourself? Won’t get into detail, but does anybody put themselves through the same thing that traumatized them to try to numb the guilt and shame but end up feeling more guilty and more shameful? I haven’t even told my therapist or my friends because I’m such a piece of shit. I’ve been so proud of going five years without self harm but honestly this seems even worse and I know it’ll come back to bite me. Why do I have this compulsion to keep ruining my own life? Why has it always been my fault?",4.0489356435643575,5.782567495049509,4.054542079207923,88.48003094059406,72.06930693069306,7.426237623762375,27.476485148514854,8.07648339933343,1.5920386138613858,411,15,84,6,8,126,77,101,0.285,0.5720000000000001,0.142,-0.9649,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,5,11,1,3,3,0,8,3,1,0,0,15,17,8,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,3,0,0,3,3,8,0,1,3,1,9,3,10,12,5,8,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,2,3,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17938349592281494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577110100508002,0.0,0.1314182529331626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570687664610347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886593665136489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909437948998748,0.0,0.0,0.28478293391438825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090059532748845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655997731776034,0.0,0.11263395423192732,0.0,0.12252158609086453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162132558368655,0.0,0.0,0.11847955153424518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152273641566608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21672187287163408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19625994646476225,0.22490155270015044,0.0,0.22129429475760373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503101115663065,0.14322469997533047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060001386274604,0.0,0.14636766036161378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3890627888637131,0.0,0.0,0.20781567426448186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196989276346182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882928927027688 ptsd,HoagieTime,2019/10/02,"How to deal with PTSD related to Police Officers (CW: Physical Violence) I've had PTSD since an incident in 2015 where I was taxed and beaten by cops before I even knew wtf was going on. The details aren't super relevant, but I was having an adverse reaction to anxiety medication and my parents called an ambulance. They thought I was intentionally overdosing but I was actually taking my prescribed amount, it was just too much. It was my first day on the meds. 911 just hears the word 'overdose', show up, taze and beat the shit out of me and throw me in a cell with a spit bag over my head. Obviously, I can't avoid seeing police officers almost daily. I've gotten used to it. Today at work there was a situation where the police were called. While I had nothing to do with the situation other than simply being an employee present at the time, when a group of cops walked in I had my first major flashback followed by severe dissociation and had to go home. I didnt know what to say, I just kind of vaguely yelled out 'i have ptsd I have to leave now' and clocked out. I emailed my supervisor a brief explanation. What do I do when the trigger is all around me at all times and considered a crucial part of society? I cant leave work every single time this happens. Without revealing too much about my job, there is always a possibility that this could happen again. A very slim possibility, but it's there. I deal with total strangers who often aren't on their best day. I cant just leave suddenly if it happens again.",4.238162122328667,5.9300192745762725,5.532173913043478,78.24431834929996,71.5084745762712,8.791451731761239,28.41930729550479,9.318704503766252,2.5245725865880626,1206,46,229,27,23,403,166,295,0.084,0.889,0.027999999999999997,-0.8932,4,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,2,8,21,7,2,1,20,0,29,4,3,4,4,41,43,15,0,2,9,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,12,15,0,1,4,1,1,6,7,4,0,2,17,4,29,3,36,24,10,40,0,0,1,0,13,17,1,3,17,167,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.10354580941080052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625153476628073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829010687772948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117210040796406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445834953152303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028983787403816,0.0,0.11135348528813864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21669565140514568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471836474012565,0.0,0.0,0.13686137742705376,0.21878475996275493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008313541585076,0.0,0.08940031400929856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18051031158026784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060690282729115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814920672222517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889711272498127,0.0,0.1195910900699959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643467503559316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052955200011136,0.0,0.0,0.11049484171663664,0.05831401720638187,0.0,0.0,0.33705820207426695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786173492138324,0.10689234509824803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560027374655323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181320031382976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782004434019752,0.11490429945788685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392409785449813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721026708440528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438110224208516,0.0,0.0,0.08455409944134269,0.0,0.0,0.11987149914239426,0.10891802969425596,0.08777338629167541,0.23853900206854506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977978546552421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842376618051528,0.18561676026834734,0.0,0.10057769317049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164298486562564,0.0,0.08754996536133941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022840367631887,0.0,0.15449533931560136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MicheleMayo81,2019/10/02,Today I feel nothing. I just want to disappear. That is how I feel today. I want to turn invisible and be in my own space.,-1.3326923076923087,0.6790815000000023,2.3757692307692326,89.60673076923081,99.3846153846154,5.676923076923077,18.03846153846154,7.1686216300943375,0.5556461538461543,93,3,21,2,4,34,19,26,0.18600000000000005,0.8140000000000001,0.0,-0.3278,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,7,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,3,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35505841579222724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3368946606281545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6656128616523264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819013539237506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4141815825088816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,becausewrightiswrong,2019/10/02,"Talking about my symptoms and trauma is harmful to others (suicide TW) This post discusses anger towards suicide and suicide being called selfish. Please don't read if that's upsetting to you. &#x200B; when I was about 14-16 I used to use a site clled the comfort spot to vent out my anger over my friend's suicide attempt. it was like an anonymous chat room where you just post how you feel and people can reply if they have any comfort to offer. now, I was a *very* angry child over my friend's suicide attempt and I had to let it out. like, I was absolutely raging. Like, so angry I could barely leave the house, barely eat, barely cook, barely go to school: the anger I felt took over my entire life. I'd have flashbacks and triggers that would ruin my entire day. looking back i'm pretty sure I had PTSD, although I've yet to be diagnosed, and my anger was a symptom of the rage that sometimes accompanies PTSD. I know that I used to thinnk suicide was selfish and that was mainly due to the betrayal I felt; I don't think suicide is selfish anymore (most of the time anyway) but at the time, 'selfish' was the word that felt right to me to use and that fully encapsulated my feelings. using any other word felt invalidating and wrong to my experience. whilst I knew some people didn't like hearing anger towards suicide and I was ok with that, it never occurred to me until just now that veting about my trauma on a comfort website that was probably filled with suicidal people could have really upset someone or even...tipped someone over the edge. i'm scared my anger could have itipped someone over the edge, even if I didn't want to hurt anyone and just needed to talk about how traumatized I was. im scared and I don't know what to do. i don't feel like i fit into PTSD communities because i don't want to upset anyone. im too scared to talk about my symptoms of rage and anger in case i offend someone and tip someone over the edge. what do you do when the main symptom of your illness is one that hurts and offends lots of people just by talking about it, even if you aren't directing that symptom at anyone in particular and are just talking about how you feel? I feel like a monster and a bad person. I never know what to do",5.704829931972789,6.0671298231292585,6.031700680272112,80.90972789115645,67.0952380952381,7.984580498866213,31.072562358276638,7.526774132740827,1.9708086167800445,1776,65,337,16,27,570,187,441,0.271,0.66,0.069,-0.9987,0,0,0,0,0,8,46.0,0,7,1,2,27,43,12,6,19,1,41,10,0,9,3,71,69,31,9,11,11,0,9,6,2,1,8,1,1,2,22,22,2,0,14,3,0,3,10,30,0,1,21,11,45,13,52,41,5,40,0,3,1,0,22,21,0,8,20,231,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163437716272049,0.06912094448536392,0.07736687801618937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05641418003121775,0.11932498255830178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04374070129187785,0.04749621624820228,0.034676288635337935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808547714580186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625303342359793,0.0,0.0,0.036685823453923364,0.0,0.0,0.057736612412382315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820708739755823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271510990017596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055643997067546185,0.0,0.0,0.14381266735650752,0.08127665590898471,0.21847232286644605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878977116139784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0323287959512519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411301273521842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563712365371338,0.12179215680168727,0.0,0.12289013293851088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378676937235736,0.0,0.0,0.06023251617783348,0.0,0.0581682979309207,0.04017923407643509,0.16674548234415806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0477686882876638,0.0,0.0,0.048361203140431255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042179166887004835,0.08774573075515746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03854643763747975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577463151240884,0.04966938767086894,0.0,0.0624421446761673,0.0,0.0,0.10895933321233227,0.05787202926786239,0.06133115708098045,0.0,0.1994849554483567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689993546197448,0.0,0.036441694023113314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04857908779748631,0.0,0.0,0.17085404948205635,0.057570193118227336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24099043791327934,0.0,0.056260266272417904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5600021029373783,0.0,0.053613007348638296,0.2956240976265801,0.0,0.22860819934001786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03644931742239259,0.0,0.0,0.06633966743391602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320081887923211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456498996850179,0.0,0.04693570433126898,0.0671039530412343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040409146324401166,0.06219431646084349,0.06912094448536392,0.0 ptsd,rainbowangel777,2019/10/02,"overcoming fearful thoughts So I'm kinda the outcast at my work,this retail job, and I know this sounds extreme.. but I have been concerned that coworkers are putting drugs in my food... I leave my backpack in the break room usually, and this really is stressing me out deeply. (had a traumatic event a few years ago involving my own family betraying me in this sort of way, so that's where the concern comes from)",6.176153846153845,7.02810276923077,6.076051282051285,79.2856153846154,66.17948717948718,10.342564102564104,34.83076923076923,10.355215969177356,3.6548584615384616,328,15,61,8,5,103,60,78,0.21,0.79,0.0,-0.9537,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,5,0,5,2,0,0,0,9,9,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,5,4,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,3,1,9,0,7,6,2,15,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,2,4,39,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22850567268932376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220539218429927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989419872501774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430112511982968,0.29007322295633303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117075846624441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558060412789288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166868535791574,0.0,0.0,0.2729509110875107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25913925585003145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651399313256923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952851579384831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20464785959309065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839073270354281,0.0,0.0,0.20461309934029984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18766629931620485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16600132803852805 ptsd,freckleddeerborn,2019/10/02,"Quit my job, downward spiral. Need to vent to someone that understands. Tw: assault This morning I had every intention of getting out of bed, showering and doing my makeup, going out to job search and hand out a couple resumes. Usually I smoke a small joint in the morning but I decided I didn’t want anyone to not hire me if I seemed high or smelled. Went along with my typical routine, spent a few minutes on Facebook. A FB friend of mine published an article about an ex boyfriend that assaulted her, and knocked her tooth out. This happened to me, too. And after reading her words, I just couldn’t stop going deeper into my memories.... having flashbacks BAD today and I have been weeping off and on. I feel like a failure, I’m embarrassed because I quit my job three weeks ago now😔 the weather is crummy and I can’t focus enough to do anything but lay, cry, or mindlessly scroll the internet. I haven’t felt this way in a long, long time. My body feels heavy and numb and tired. I know I have a lot of painful memories I can’t let go of because I suffered through it absolutely alone. I isolated and shut out my family for two years, my grandparents have disowned me because of it. My abuser put my through so much emotional trauma, gaslighting me and at my worst, laughing at me and calling me pathetic, telling me no one cares. I’m feeling jumbled so I’m sorry if this isn’t making sense. I feel like a little girl that just wants her mama. I feel like I would be hurting my mom if she knew what I went through alone. And I feel like she would be upset at me for hiding it for so long. (I left my abuser in 2017)",3.1343509865005217,4.955190887850471,4.2285981308411245,85.92104880581518,74.70093457943925,7.123156801661475,29.022845275181734,7.921354282810032,1.9438814122533743,1269,55,249,19,27,413,182,321,0.25,0.66,0.08900000000000001,-0.9965,5,3,1,0,2,0,40.0,0,0,0,2,7,19,2,2,13,0,20,6,3,2,0,54,47,23,0,9,10,2,8,4,1,2,3,0,2,1,11,21,0,1,12,1,1,6,8,12,0,3,8,9,50,7,37,33,5,39,0,3,0,0,12,21,0,7,15,167,61,6,0.0,0.23200859195371906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678903032240243,0.0,0.0,0.20280514268020414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845915232462338,0.0,0.08056947358664869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174861541815609,0.1790503838641996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875308436262217,0.0,0.0,0.09997443391613277,0.0,0.0998231512505855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833271034372248,0.10754671574480056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013268206922823,0.0,0.1011645486890134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249123346082894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229841255454893,0.0,0.2970296338862064,0.2797803535193765,0.09400648784415704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564303844034187,0.0,0.051152591798203265,0.0,0.16692914820878793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657921802596402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344457650606463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048119300209071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914740541701391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380736366216915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637671042300588,0.10011698178722904,0.0,0.1913305014675206,0.09812896722220364,0.0,0.2599349868145409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323739676497019,0.0,0.0,0.06535397055951515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466800005541768,0.0,0.0,0.07197322727221707,0.07259711962075488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634460921475062,0.0,0.1041804097359019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984240105245491,0.0,0.2082732093941655,0.09793392629617967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913124817741222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295664869586895,0.0,0.0,0.10959935337838758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185499645000305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557541027403881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570906104570892,0.11253018934752787,0.0928047967193444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564133373211103,0.10192508872319518,0.0,0.0,0.10783120315936567,0.0,0.11549667917838613,0.07771436163490797,0.07853543558720122,0.0,0.0,0.18152233914622212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910125998192538,0.0,0.0,0.06304917564249166 ptsd,stellar152,2019/10/02,"When to tell someone you’re getting to know/dating that you have PTSD from an abusive relationship? so backstory: I (30f) have ptsd from being in a mentally and physically abusive relationship for 12 years.. I ended it about 5 years ago and the ptsd didn’t really kick in until about 2 years ago. I work with veterans and realized I had some of the same symptoms, so I went to see a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with it last year. I haven’t dated in over two years. I’m triggered over stupid things and I have anxiety almost all the time. I feel like it’s not fair to anyone interested in dating me to be overwhelmed or to have to deal with any of my issues really. So I’m just wondering if any of you experienced this and how you went about it.",3.4286689038031315,5.098959288590606,5.170620805369129,80.10725111856827,73.56375838926175,8.993512304250556,25.839485458612977,9.516144504307137,2.300328411633109,590,20,118,15,12,201,89,149,0.10800000000000001,0.847,0.045,-0.8768,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,0,1,9,4,1,1,6,0,10,2,0,2,1,21,18,13,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,5,3,14,2,26,11,3,22,0,1,1,0,7,6,0,5,15,81,21,1,0.0,0.3087523707288829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23099419413439626,0.0,0.1304698604541578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720774421125893,0.0,0.09967397305171813,0.0,0.0,0.09110406386386573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432661073850125,0.0,0.13224489738175915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154011388078896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588017773165944,0.09308151769838773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06807284098242596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359922927870321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160575801727143,0.10620638175786846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365469638795422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130494204562804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569174802644818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669383735950031,0.0,0.0,0.2797723607836892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382684428234658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039704063064144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354245662179442,0.0,0.0,0.1138820359009672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656104007589457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597503685769379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12727756451085265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24156628028167296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129746237349486,0.09485503153278288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195228781872919 ptsd,Latinvero305,2019/10/02,"Slowly losing grip to hope I suffer w depression, anxiety and ptsd. I have recently been hospitalized involuntarily for my ptsd. This was good for me because the hospital is a respectable one n that means a good referral after. Well I have since downslided and self harmed and have had many anxiety attacks, daily. I went to the referral appt w hope and they told me their plan was to increase my antidepressant. But that was it. I explained this is affecting my way of life now if I have to wait 4-8 weeks to feel different I may not have a job. They refused to give anything for anxiety because I came off as a drug addict. I'm lost. I called bak asking to speak with another therapist and they gave me the boot. I can go elsewhere if I'm not gonna go with the planned med management. So here I am . Crying in my car on my lunch break ,shaking in panic, eye twitching from desperation and ....lost.",2.4595111111111088,4.910530954285719,4.114809523809527,82.87780158730163,79.45714285714286,7.7746031746031745,26.865079365079364,8.680891452615391,2.2937555555555544,707,30,137,17,18,236,112,175,0.196,0.703,0.10099999999999999,-0.9419,2,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,4,5,4,15,1,2,8,0,15,6,1,1,0,23,34,11,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,5,9,1,2,3,0,0,7,2,9,1,1,11,4,23,6,20,21,1,17,0,5,1,0,13,4,0,5,4,87,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827929504125048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426263459828354,0.3121593468758505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193092108232366,0.0,0.12715812420734146,0.15473969171296756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583017110494114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888920921001266,0.15556793466299876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940898105469527,0.0,0.0,0.11715178650467105,0.0,0.0,0.14210947480055733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773726953382633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877460124289109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304805059754928,0.15460390875710522,0.2281702715937341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701923967580257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497651117113713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607327548558138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216893742902027,0.29695862418057906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790052929685834,0.0,0.14816307538851928,0.15108492536147253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216906711283802,0.0,0.0,0.1595873836600683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179946643343172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430100159028946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189605375822806,0.0,0.0,0.1125151901543538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792695346303368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299706755864696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796446460290032,0.10910513934813186,0.0,0.12229618557298352,0.12608970689006405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,seeingred1215,2019/10/02,RTM Has anyone ever tried RTM how did it work for you my therapist wants to do it so I was hoping someone tried it,-1.3490000000000002,0.6326948000000029,1.4794999999999978,95.58725,101.0,4.1000000000000005,14.25,5.985473137389443,-0.6343999999999999,90,2,20,1,4,31,21,25,0.0,0.882,0.11800000000000001,0.4728,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,4,6,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,15,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26275915269109906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399210430442939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3732414879180882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31840328109904936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4363179112379111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5102696925996313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22164903105755326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735775623718037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ihavebeenelucidated,2019/10/02,"Relationship PTSD A lot of things led to my diagnosis. The most destructive was girls in the public education system having fun making my life a living hell. Some of the things they would do is lie to get me in trouble. I almost took my own life. Being in the workforce has taught me most people don't change that much after commencement. I feel a desire for a relationship with a woman on this planet, but I am afraid to pursue advances women make. Girls would tell me they like me just to laugh about it behind my back with their friends. I am afraid of a relationship because I know even seeking one could endanger my life. Can anyone relate?",4.4024390243902465,6.364810747967483,5.132203252032522,80.17489024390247,71.60162601626016,7.5216260162601625,23.68211382113821,8.238735603445708,1.4439177235772362,514,14,93,8,10,166,84,123,0.057999999999999996,0.8140000000000001,0.129,0.8751,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,1,4,9,2,2,10,0,13,3,0,3,0,18,20,1,0,4,2,0,1,1,1,2,3,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,5,0,1,3,1,17,4,17,13,6,10,1,0,0,0,13,4,1,5,3,73,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407260944523212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155084762599515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366989553555098,0.0,0.10596940018213503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389645868912216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879467106696958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148176756860577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789719256651643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343060077026724,0.0,0.09082263919738563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955362495673848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683585674031808,0.08492796010606965,0.0,0.1535012246671471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778997091560986,0.0,0.0,0.2320750476010835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779017098886494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779642621382268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051666320488567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320610909399764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5599075302458222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15194116931842885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309791099623132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313926406838244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24697758418731586,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mar_tara,2019/10/02,"Smell can be a trigger - I feel validated TW: weed So I was looking for good coping mechanisms online and stumbled upon this website and I find this section about examples of external triggers. And it says ""smells"". I'm honest here, I cried because I'm so happy. This feels so validating. In the last year I somehow developed a very strong reaction to the smell of weed. From ""I just don't like the smell"" I got full on triggered into flashbacks and whatnot. My bf used to smoke a lot and he said that I just react extreme because I don't want him to smoke. He said he never heard of someone being triggered by smell. Well f you! I did kind of think maybe he was right. How can I get triggered by something else than visuals, feelings, hearing. Yeah f you, I don't overreact. Can't wait to tell him. I still have a long way to go to figure myself out but this feels like a little victory. I'm not that crazy.",2.047446286065071,4.288938093922654,3.586915285451198,87.2562354205034,79.66298342541437,6.232166973603437,26.07765500306937,7.3871296695380915,1.4241341927562932,709,29,140,10,18,234,114,181,0.042,0.838,0.12,0.8753,0,0,3,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,0,1,11,8,0,0,8,1,12,0,0,8,1,31,31,10,0,1,4,0,4,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,7,7,0,1,7,0,0,1,6,0,1,0,7,15,19,8,21,22,3,16,0,0,1,0,15,9,0,2,7,88,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21410621733551088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929045333332629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670357150649638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551843340149525,0.12545919733043992,0.0,0.0,0.1605086805765298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175144755730344,0.0,0.09980589740910527,0.14729730251690895,0.14045514131673875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869451443297062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979305626256112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828757157025761,0.0,0.14314944294191767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159297167935886,0.1760120938829265,0.0,0.15541350869771847,0.14747214247617166,0.0,0.0,0.14930136236725114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17642859928412147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544490514032104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997401883617273,0.33409964487744004,0.13965588098552992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879778980458264,0.1351967979747884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140246149255089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349501348686284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252682719074032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15167474052228344,0.0,0.14490054310634878,0.1035821170556075,0.13939479751336922,0.0,0.0,0.15789873165494775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309012757974235 ptsd,Onionmom,2019/10/02,"Recovery tips for a long night? I had a rough night. Flashbacks turned to panic attacks. I've been in therapy, and I've lost the ability to dissociate (coping mech of choice next to drinking which I'm also not doing). I don't really see that as a blessing today. Long story short, I spent about 4 hours going in and out of misery last night when I should have been sleeping. I'm sore, exhausted, nauseous, and overall down. I'm attempting to have a productive work day, but I feel so shitty. Does anyone have any tips to speed recovery along?",3.5573333333333323,5.574537495238097,4.805714285714289,81.38761904761907,74.04761904761905,8.095238095238095,25.952380952380953,8.841846274778883,2.1268095238095244,427,15,79,9,9,141,74,105,0.18,0.7829999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.9278,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,1,1,5,0,9,4,1,0,0,9,18,8,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,5,3,5,1,15,12,0,18,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,12,44,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512275693340241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859819860285845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222693568432134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151347627413504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219573784391256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548746382116333,0.0,0.0,0.1852513591845378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561740337744534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747299177460454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623078729934134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15414619078844533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33470476546025313,0.0,0.0,0.2064309501003513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011158037854716,0.5323879961197171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187451416089693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211458010346052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069256934292538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924203132082734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162585760646264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792498660926529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056924392401301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767102829310995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Acts1v8,2019/10/02,"Recently diagnosed with PTSD. Not sure what to do now. I just started therapy and I thought I just had general anxiety and ADHD. I never connected the repeated truama I experienced as a child and teen to be connected to my anxiety in anyway until my therapist said it out loud. I didn't realize how much of that had affected me until that connection was made and now it all makes sense. I thought what I was going through was normal like everyone felt and experienced these things and now I'm not sure how to move forward. I told a few people, my fiance and a few friends. I don't want to tell my parents because I am pretty sure they won't understand and will try to play it off/not take it seriously. My fiance has already tried to say I was using it as a crutch to get out of talking about/dealing with things. I'm just overwhelmed and need some support from someone who understands. I'm going to be continuing therapy to working on coping skills so I can hopefully move toward healing. TL;DR Recently diagnosed. Looking for support from others.",4.165346795434593,6.269300875621891,5.752519754170326,74.87889376646181,72.5820895522388,9.505531167690961,32.719051799824406,9.916854025145753,3.763535908691837,840,42,145,24,17,285,118,201,0.071,0.8220000000000001,0.107,0.8741,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,10,11,0,1,5,0,16,3,0,6,5,41,40,16,0,4,5,1,1,1,1,2,3,3,0,1,14,13,0,0,6,1,0,5,6,2,0,0,13,7,20,9,27,23,5,21,0,1,1,0,10,6,0,2,13,109,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426273266735828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246527015124976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836579712187333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317424521353905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243672734351235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470175810064373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525561092998007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274130762649756,0.0,0.06271506736989799,0.0,0.13644108614233885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192251359536618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058644659379084474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080195568358744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135831600082966,0.0801265101619795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25516347266239553,0.08824197637947681,0.08900689266806823,0.09258095187522213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761206624288195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328834786625066,0.0,0.0,0.08321945628185706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212212515546217,0.0,0.0,0.14031837143719278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370467173087037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418393003369988,0.09545928939311628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170807829770856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496374014573621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724361241621652,0.3394040856811807,0.0,0.09025387706627824,0.09648225398195966,0.1049187818618316,0.0,0.27454855883918466,0.13937374051454335,0.1594962508284226,0.0,0.0,0.1905940340287935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470175810064373,0.0,0.16299627839490227,0.0,0.0,0.24992824727925295,0.0,0.1036745667061644,0.0,0.0,0.07080171073488406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873893260087097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tobecontinued89,2019/10/02,"How to fight freeze response to life problems? I have this trigger, sometimes, if I am left with less than certain amount of money(15$ let's say) my mind snaps in freeze mode. I know, everyone gets financial trouble sometimes and yes, that is worrisome having this little. But I am in the process of looking for work for 6 months, so I've depleted all savings and freelance work is just enough to survive- sometimes less. So there are weeks when I'm on 0, with bills to backpay etc. For the most part I've handled it pretty well, better than in the past. But every so often when I reach the end of my money and budget, I panic into freeze mode. My brain gets filled with bad negative thoughts, so many that I get headache, I stop being able to prioritize and start catastrophizing and I can't breathe or think clearly. I get this feeling like I have no clue how I've ever made money, or how I ever will, and even if I recognize the feeling it's hard to snap out of. Sometimes it's so overwhelming that I have to take couple of hours just for calming down. Time feels irrelevant, it's like I'm locked in that state and until I snap out of it, I can't do much. Thankfully it doesn't happen as much lately... but I can feel it starting to happen now. It's not too strong yet, but I am trying to avoid it getting there. I am having hard week, getting close to that 0 amount. And I have made plan on better days, where to apply, what to do- but on days like now I also lose a lot of time trying to get out of that state. It's important to spend as much time as I can applying, so if anyone has ideas on how to keep positive and away from triggering thoughts, even if having practical trouble? (being broke)",3.767982456140352,4.9540479970760245,4.546954385964914,86.82874736842108,71.953216374269,7.343345029239765,26.83789473684211,7.699297019823105,1.404313543859648,1333,45,274,16,25,429,173,342,0.10300000000000001,0.7809999999999999,0.115,-0.1868,0,1,0,0,1,0,46.0,0,0,0,8,28,21,1,3,6,1,26,3,2,8,5,62,53,37,0,5,14,0,9,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,20,17,0,3,9,0,5,1,6,10,1,0,4,11,25,11,51,45,13,44,0,3,1,0,2,18,0,9,26,190,45,2,0.0960184597845369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678592759918013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671383396217387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902125037019873,0.0,0.08017140322634372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984104964410718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071883563307572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624259945129692,0.0,0.12384792630407772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504385558032718,0.099212736309619,0.10708596399333292,0.12683857423205,0.17370838807135902,0.08089969361068533,0.09174975310482117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941992731958896,0.06859560685546859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511597755514833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698176137632657,0.0,0.1720273600387927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455884144193713,0.0,0.0,0.1083931536896483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534561883823011,0.0,0.0,0.052769234397922235,0.0,0.10831300490668376,0.0,0.10432433750212096,0.09818538057937297,0.06782067774902913,0.1407293081129453,0.0962357216585798,0.0,0.0,0.08063132335196849,0.1074200959280774,0.0,0.0816314608561979,0.0,0.1817099765547208,0.0,0.09734764752833264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695127259633916,0.0,0.07664101853047657,0.0,0.21175384790164845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265697422426828,0.0,0.10397863501605413,0.09166048457952942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768529286027436,0.0,0.0918766984375582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635773311944502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798588476502653,0.0,0.13592472007959105,0.0,0.0,0.08027573180189466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219393211321178,0.0,0.0,0.08840089728268412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061524751974453035,0.0,0.1524558634057724,0.16796740818108846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038046275293366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404043338988882,0.0,0.08633212669974565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980516459495915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SillyYellowSnake,2019/10/02,"lack of positive emotion Ever since I developed PTSD years ago, it's like i'm less and less capable of feeling anything remotely positive. I don't get excited about anything, I can't remember the last time I've felt happy, it's just all despair and anger. When people say that they love me, it stirs nothing in my soul even if i'm close to that person. My flashbacks and anxiety aren't nearly as bad as they use to be, not so frequent, but emotionally, I seem to be getting worse. Nothing ever feels worth doing because there is no reward for it, no positive hormone dump like healthy people would get even if I do accomplish something. It is killing me and has killed my motivation immensely. This problem has made me a very unlikeable person because i'm not fun to be around anymore, especially since I don't drink heavy anymore which is basically expected if you want to have any social relationships in western society. Am I going to be incapable of feeling good permanently because of this stupid illness?",8.33031746031746,7.988644492063496,8.638142857142856,66.79435714285714,61.751322751322746,12.004444444444443,42.180423280423284,11.407655852321104,5.1188366137566135,815,44,135,21,10,270,121,189,0.233,0.574,0.193,-0.9259999999999999,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,3,10,16,5,0,2,0,18,3,0,3,3,30,34,12,2,8,7,0,4,2,0,1,1,1,0,2,10,6,1,0,7,1,1,1,8,8,0,0,2,5,16,8,18,27,4,14,1,1,0,1,9,5,0,4,10,88,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110751683515676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521157899758727,0.0,0.09585784940159782,0.0,0.2485374352217395,0.0,0.0,0.2062303913153447,0.11154786187136592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462429625435517,0.2291539778385469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275102605685165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28190212879222715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552531242927607,0.226690779056646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007365600672374,0.0,0.12031228399073438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639980045281716,0.0,0.07121362062769364,0.10509974353444186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338931798704098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772624504346666,0.0,0.0,0.10214015792018108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224352178054524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309249826540425,0.11856645670626152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404667212928313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737411788796983,0.21882268277090802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989979630348455,0.14647463682896125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453048978401333,0.14194594186166593,0.0,0.0,0.09964742750785133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407280804859865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20730689491410992,0.0,0.0,0.12773249074575907,0.0,0.0964657773837839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306625208575569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822313821880797,0.0,0.1033896049571606,0.07390803328560057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276963234321808,0.08901295367059381,0.0,0.0,0.08069220007300411 ptsd,nymphaetamine,2019/10/02,"Someone please tell me this gets better I've had this curse for 3 years now. I'm on meds. I've gone through therapy and was pronounced ""cured"" when I could talk about my abuser without breaking down. Yet I've never felt worse. I normally just lurk here but I'm in the midst of a flashback that isn't showing any signs of going away, it's been over a week now and my well of strength and hope has run dry. It's not just this flashback either, it's like for every 1 day that I feel okay and tiny bits of happiness, there are 6 other days where I just want to die so I don't have to feel like this anymore. I feel like I'm never going to get better and being sad, hopeless, paranoid, hypervigilant, and incapable of trusting anyone is just *my life* now. It's the hand I was dealt by a man who tears apart the lives of innocent people and who will never get any punishment or justice. I can't imagine living the rest of my life like this. I cry every day. I have nightmares. I can't remember shit anymore and my work suffers because of it. I can't have a normal relationship. I get triggered by common unavoidable things, and I hesitate to even post this lest I trigger any of you. If I do, I'm truly sorry. Nobody gets what a living hell PTSD is outside of people who actually have it, so I can't even talk about it to the people in my life without making them feel awkward and uncomfortable. Nobody knows what to say and I can't blame them. I want to think that someday I'll know happiness and safety again but I don't think I will. I've never thought about ending things before but it's on my mind a lot now. I can't do that though cause I have a son. I can't leave him to grow up and find out that his mom died cause she couldn't deal with life anymore. He's the one thing keeping me alive. Absolutely any words of encouragement or understanding are appreciated, I feel like I'm losing it and I've never felt so thoroughly alone and hopeless before.",2.7340368775032147,4.345306473815462,4.097719338018592,87.3271472833069,75.28428927680798,6.755867905992595,24.12158996448273,7.463857097105799,0.9921448046550292,1540,48,323,19,33,508,194,401,0.151,0.635,0.214,0.9788,0,2,0,0,1,4,38.0,0,1,2,5,24,24,3,1,13,1,31,6,2,5,5,69,62,26,2,8,14,2,8,5,0,2,4,1,0,1,29,17,0,1,16,1,0,5,19,9,1,1,8,9,40,15,39,49,4,37,1,5,0,0,20,11,2,5,24,204,69,1,0.0,0.09279386583468896,0.07642694076322593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111369084212983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21303534094184265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23301083845706105,0.05476167363004253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358221417018257,0.0,0.0,0.04774184484012098,0.0,0.1332854729705867,0.0,0.0,0.13853157796268994,0.08550282668069549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090804624168084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253044406522926,0.0,0.08602849944259991,0.1515256355362447,0.08074228201371307,0.0,0.0,0.16256316242513127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936638424138826,0.0,0.0,0.1034564251205646,0.0,0.1319723616413157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979993338728132,0.16785089963071975,0.1503948685200612,0.0,0.07158111164580623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045892654426325,0.0,0.0890196973732485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16674165160214754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778731335227884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696125187322905,0.0,0.0,0.08608290309492747,0.0,0.0,0.0829273130101277,0.0,0.0,0.22127290255823207,0.19131076928826068,0.0,0.2074683343936572,0.0,0.0,0.08761766030651942,0.0,0.06658304990168795,0.0,0.0,0.0522777844113083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699349480528586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907871981717794,0.09172493934877286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30201783610333405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346976252389918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053070213602748884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288724364262547,0.0,0.0,0.08596949961871007,0.0,0.0,0.0750068675862421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154939552602903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408407957978882,0.08871887622416665,0.0,0.0,0.06228151133578256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039216507995067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635847460955631,0.0,0.0,0.08767044019638287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258978698308348,0.06845326781088919,0.0,0.0895633064538531,0.0,0.15609273257435674,0.10036585375142047,0.07694690674573502,0.062175638255656376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153166163825196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238781427688827,0.0,0.06282186889528071,0.0,0.07041716808540459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099125813407288,0.0,0.057016339981578935,0.0,0.07981259741755492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050434138635039684 ptsd,liquidhorses,2019/10/02,"Friend told me to pray for my PTSD and use “mind over matter” to “get over it” I made a post on my spam instagram about how I finally got to the disability resource office at my university today and got accommodations after suffering for so long, and when I saw my friend tonight, they brought it up and told me those things. I understand it was coming from a genuine and helpful intention but it really rubbed me the wrong way. I laughed it off and “agreed” but it’s honestly beginning to overstep bounds but I am absolute shit at standing up for myself.",6.9542767295597505,6.931372981132077,7.4415094339622625,73.17691823899371,64.47169811320754,11.59496855345912,35.59119496855346,11.20814326018867,4.033772327044025,440,19,83,12,6,145,71,106,0.111,0.731,0.158,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,4,7,1,0,4,0,2,1,1,4,0,18,14,12,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,8,2,15,4,18,6,0,20,1,1,1,0,6,8,1,0,7,59,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078541324745784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299035874013316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242918611706705,0.0,0.10964901423827532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33570626295480505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067220856112428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857293642955717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858515746338545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191003487936366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099854882753976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453281444610745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444883333103902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542972047986125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942906714018322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19893331147332152,0.4010817570505992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184832696012025,0.0,0.18126129043062425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16658595089455105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294611573951045,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anxiouspigeon_ta,2019/10/02,Does it ever get better? I feel like I keep taking one step forward and two steps back. I'm so exhausted from always feeling unsafe and trying to escape the memories and nightmares. Therapy helps sometimes but I dissociate so much that I spend a lot of my session time trying to ground myself in the present enough to even talk about it. Medications help some days but other days they just seem to intesify intrusive and suicidal thoughts. I just need someone to tell me that some kind of recovery is possible because I'm scared as hell and I need to know that I'm going to be okay one day.,5.2786842105263165,6.570697175438597,6.011359649122809,77.34493421052632,68.47368421052633,9.208771929824564,30.91666666666667,9.516144504307137,2.8997929824561397,474,19,86,10,8,155,81,114,0.14800000000000002,0.74,0.111,-0.8915,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,8,7,1,1,3,1,2,2,0,0,1,21,16,10,1,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,5,0,1,4,0,3,0,3,1,2,10,4,13,14,5,13,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,4,9,56,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070795368703806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300304260594214,0.0,0.10308414022272956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955861734925086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271739898880053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479839227653953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472948615184514,0.0,0.11169150113265264,0.15296411789940292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710079798156405,0.12080782754268175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883497845446901,0.0,0.09610561759122883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266934984165623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030727585596662,0.0,0.17609564220431193,0.09293505606176172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261560161100534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376605000304818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035434292103066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124310790498591,0.25077673101538045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291782966911469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19063918778447064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693024588996439,0.0,0.0,0.15394579816677587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432811472729131,0.0,0.1672480362123826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849721703088789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714505345418714,0.13591927281869826,0.14780422250863062,0.0,0.1933849953268144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424957149954048,0.0986058175372031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22962083406272465,0.0,0.16518989423123653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,madsfaye,2019/10/02,"Today was tough. I’m not sure what it was about today that had me feeling completely heavy the moment I woke up. I was thankful I had a therapy appointment so that I was able to discuss this with my therapist. At the end of the session it all boiled down to me spreading myself so thin (to distract myself from my trauma) that I was completely exhausted and not taking care of myself. Carrying the weight of trauma everyday wears on us & when you try to “keep busy”, take care of others, and avoid your feelings it leaves no room to address our needs. I am going to practice saying no when people ask for my time & I don’t have the emotional/mental capacity. Also, I am going to take time to address the negative feelings when they arise, not distract myself with something or someone else. I wanted to share in hopes that this advice might be helpful to someone else. You should make time to take care of yourself.",5.412367424242426,6.5364915625,5.885681818181819,78.9881060606061,68.0340909090909,8.366666666666665,30.57575757575757,8.59863814320734,2.4532893939393943,729,28,129,11,12,235,105,176,0.16899999999999998,0.762,0.068,-0.9448,0,1,1,0,0,0,20.0,2,3,1,0,7,14,0,3,7,0,14,4,1,1,2,21,35,9,0,4,4,0,5,0,0,2,1,1,3,0,11,4,2,2,3,0,0,2,7,7,0,0,8,6,24,7,26,24,1,20,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,3,11,98,35,1,0.12602756873091595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315268157558358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078420118160704,0.0,0.2731016361323708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781876429216928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3854805168549805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642750160790601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21055972434054648,0.0,0.11162301893138483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116997636529215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324874323248132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447362277319878,0.0,0.0,0.1251738121555752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201909370503947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334449983416507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841243807479958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369533445196002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344784532444922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873716478072453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002221810310432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21356550002157307,0.09702217955898712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877949205387625,0.0,0.3790281894448016,0.0,0.0,0.1160292529495697,0.14412350825532644,0.14632772087060478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046306644157385,0.0,0.2389187982801699,0.0,0.0,0.08556444650141201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159564781803322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433432529920761,0.0,0.0,0.15346762668956335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,andrewjacksonwasaman,2019/10/02,"I'm not your empathy. I'm not a war vet, I'm not a victim, I'm not a survivor, I'm not your good deed of pity for the day, I'm not your example of how hard things COULD be. I'm just a human person and im like any other person, all i desire is to be treated with compassion, understanding and basic respect. This doesn't define me, it's a PART of me but couldn't encompass my soul entirely. that's all thanks for coming to my rant.",1.863080357142856,2.5600202187500045,4.6314880952380975,86.28375000000004,75.97916666666666,7.985714285714287,23.089285714285715,8.418075326091056,1.1864660714285713,335,9,78,6,7,121,58,96,0.10099999999999999,0.7290000000000001,0.17,0.7366,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,0,2,8,2,0,6,0,6,0,0,1,2,19,16,4,1,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,0,1,8,5,8,12,3,3,1,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826529720748445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511461555388709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23278047712267866,0.0,0.0,0.18802686309434385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445399103433645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611732456067008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149260944175966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243753684900287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31572230806510704,0.0,0.0,0.5091437659727159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684218283958643,0.0,0.0,0.19369413468495375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035158214606468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hannahsmittty,2019/10/02,"Help, I think I have PTSD Hi. It's my first-ever post on here and damn, it's a deep topic. Still I write: I think I have PTSD. This isn't something I've went to a therapist about, but I did graduate with a psych degree. The reason I think I have PTSD - I keep dreaming of, hearing stories about, and suddenly have popping up on Facebook as a ""person you might know"" ... is my ex. Mentally and emotionally abusive, my ex and I had a pretty traumatic breakup. The whole relationship is a blur to me except bits and pieces. I was constantly questioned and judged. I had to ""prove"" that I was worthy and telling the truth. It was a mess and still haunts me. Here recently I've been having dreams of running into my ex in public and I'm trying to escape.. every single time. Then they pop up on my Facebook and I struggle to focus again at work. I've been very stressed at work and my friend suggested that my stress there might be triggering my potential PTSD (the ex and relationship). Is this true? I really need answers. I want to move on with my life. This happened 10 years ago... I want to forget about it and be happy. I have been with my fiance for 6 years. I don't want to relive this event anymore. I need answers.",1.3285185185185178,3.705216913580248,2.9249382716049404,90.12222222222223,83.56790123456791,5.904526748971193,21.757201646090536,7.242747475848597,0.7886065843621406,942,31,194,14,27,309,129,243,0.128,0.731,0.141,0.4892,0,0,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,1,1,2,9,9,1,3,11,0,24,1,0,2,3,42,38,16,0,5,2,4,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,10,17,0,1,9,2,0,3,2,5,0,0,10,1,34,4,29,24,4,27,0,0,0,0,18,11,1,4,12,132,44,4,0.0,0.13118307896371606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814509128385374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980280124395712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087570620300155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964714731096372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454318356671368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328494174961346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417692816614964,0.0,0.0,0.08554068279293925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790782573416472,0.11786168757982685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247875692001708,0.0,0.07421214166072712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841151092885532,0.0,0.0,0.06084788133649612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820360857833775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157800369295394,0.2349092361379125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767602934424523,0.0,0.1641924309018275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667494766946008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603752462383846,0.11264031354824595,0.0,0.0,0.5176950641873986,0.0,0.12402983342262933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092897714012271,0.11383685099179497,0.10932096263983387,0.2377400349018188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085236355412337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683955244779734,0.0,0.2536548737679862,0.11574680513976755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677267301868714,0.0,0.0,0.12855247820134952,0.0,0.21283144526043826,0.0,0.0,0.06456073024375797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517045695948482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135419164259044,0.1959135632493416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263697197320797,0.0,0.12361302632641925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120847995168824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259790841808268 ptsd,Juniuspublicus12,2019/10/02,Discussing Intimacy With A Not Very Verbal Person With PTSD \[M61\] How do I start working around the PTSD of a date who is responsive to intimacy and touch when she's non verbal around her desires? She's said as much. She answers intimacy with an escalation of intimacy and states she wants more dates. I've never done this from the other side of the fence as the person initiating. She's quite articulate around anything else.,5.901181434599156,7.853176607594937,6.4234810126582325,72.46070675105486,67.73417721518987,9.317299578059073,29.62236286919831,9.725611199111238,2.936719831223628,348,13,60,8,6,113,54,79,0.0,0.966,0.034,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,7,0,3,0,0,1,1,15,6,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,7,0,13,4,2,10,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,5,41,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17047767117889245,0.5532575367440611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199989035303507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730582801629289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228879656761174,0.0,0.1597770395070241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617738503231584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4843254151652747,0.0,0.0,0.22034357509042302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705965353057106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663118698786068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709313449369474,0.12219022924390648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081728488819687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,illbeyrbird,2019/10/02,"Nightmares, Prazosin, and CBD I wanted to share as nothing has helped the way these two do. Prazosin, as we all know, keeps the nightmares at bay. However, I start to have nightmares around 4 until I wake up. I take a CBD edible before bed to keep me asleep. It works wonders!!!!",2.004402515723271,4.59097777358491,2.771981132075471,90.92199685534591,82.58490566037736,5.042767295597487,23.927672955974842,6.42735559955562,0.7602352201257867,214,8,41,2,6,67,42,53,0.0,0.932,0.068,0.5216,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,2,2,0,1,9,10,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,9,10,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,26,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677613702761998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559448776214349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016090547493571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5347009599999772,0.0,0.0,0.16530292166792365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886101881246444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21289633640142205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22615200014119466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938220872034739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741009047571327,0.2387481965194279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32618722294607216,0.21897420377129506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,neverneverlocal,2019/10/02,"First post, new diagnosis Hi everyone, I just need to vent. My fiance has stage 4 cancer and my ptsd really showed full force a couple months ago. The stress became too much. Ive had a lot of other trauma in my life in addition to this but it was diagnosed as just depression before. I was living with her parents until two weeks ago. The parents visited their grandbaby and he was really sick and contagious. They didnt think this was a big deal but every cold turns into a week in the hospital for my fiance. I ended up having a panic attack and yelled. Then i apologized but they didnt understand and told the whole family i take medication and am crazy. I live with my parents now because it was to emotionally risky to live there still. Today was the first full day i didnt spend with her, and she developed a new pain. This is terrifying for me. I asked her to call the dr and he said to go to the ER. She said not to come because she said shes worried about inconveniencing me. Then she said come if you want. Im gonna head down to the ER now. This is so so hard.",1.9091000436871999,4.005351779816515,3.8851769331585855,85.69741590214069,79.36697247706422,7.638619484491046,20.472695500218435,8.563005593585519,1.2160622105723022,840,22,176,19,21,285,129,218,0.21,0.7709999999999999,0.019,-0.993,4,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,3,2,10,6,1,2,14,0,17,8,1,0,0,27,33,18,0,3,7,3,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,7,15,0,0,2,1,1,4,4,6,2,3,15,7,28,0,24,17,5,33,0,1,0,0,28,9,0,2,18,120,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904153552717225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040878151943194,0.122188212467313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094566724384504,0.0,0.09139338483091976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967208229837733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850390667311791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884112226521708,0.0,0.06926706720378928,0.11072940340369106,0.09250740531983652,0.10901338543240252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120815693557914,0.09512857640084554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049298896355927,0.10262967663485982,0.0,0.0,0.10125147701445104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18271655770630535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104049659906086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621340513559473,0.0,0.11022808285617697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601537454414275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586302950142916,0.0,0.0,0.2845206293360087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131153106571767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108198812414223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572930915424767,0.0,0.07895472267740088,0.07963913338435788,0.0,0.2074640206850827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142860431699904,0.12601613022423322,0.3577802189057616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286389598938586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255502036323925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761224534535912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086653948572846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577343442488453,0.0,0.1230315807777974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075487570318718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882051653004691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018069810930501,0.10262967663485982,0.0,0.0,0.1168253384461614,0.10491866583604656,0.11181195312490623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335000263500977,0.0,0.17230694723980927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991337527050736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907456211207328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ThatsHellaGay,2019/01/09,"What it’s like to be a teen with PTSD I’m aware that many teens have PTSD, this is just my experience. I didn’t grow up with PTSD, I was diagnosed with it recently. It’s extremely hard for me to talk to my peers, especially because they make fun of PTSD often. I don’t mind but sometimes they push it too far. I have flashbacks constantly at school and randomly just break out crying even when someone just says hi to me. I do get to work alone in group projects most of the time thankfully due to my PTSD. I normally don’t stay up late especially on school nights, but I’m always scared to sleep. I have nightmares nearly every night relating to what caused my PTSD. I am getting help, but the psychiatrist has an excruciatingly long wait list. It’s hard to get into a relationship with a boy who understands why I don’t talk a lot sometimes. I’m academically talented but private schools don’t necessarily like the fact that I have PTSD and anxiety. Friends never understand it too. “Hah, I must be giving you flashbacks right now!” -my best friend. The more people bring it up, the worse I feel about having it. I use to be happy and had tons of euphoria but now I’m that one quiet girl in your chem class. 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The group, you know, for trauma survivors? Specifically for people with ptsd? And multiple people in the group were talking together, and they came up with a statement that everyone in the group agreed with and everyone thought was a fine and cool thing to say, including the therapist. They said that God “puts trauma in our lives” to “humble us” and “make us better people” The therapist in the group nodded along with them and said something about how that’s great or correct or something along those lines. I’m... I’m really upset. I mean, I understand, people can have whatever religious beliefs they want. I’m fine with people who use their faith to cope, and I get that it’s a really important part of a lot of people’s lives. But don’t... do this. I’m glad it helped everyone else in the group feel better, but it just made me feel awful, and I can’t really explain why? I guess I just... I hate being told that my trauma is something I needed, or that it was beneficial in some way. That I’m a better person because of it. That is was a good thing, in the end. I don’t know. I just feel sick.",3.845809792843689,5.312455313559326,4.973333333333333,82.75857815442562,72.13559322033899,8.63427495291902,25.39924670433145,9.150863307647796,1.9874320150659133,938,29,185,20,18,309,115,236,0.10300000000000001,0.7609999999999999,0.136,0.212,0,0,3,0,0,0,36.0,5,1,5,3,6,16,1,1,14,2,14,1,0,4,1,48,41,15,0,2,9,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,19,18,0,0,11,0,0,2,3,6,0,0,10,7,24,10,25,29,3,14,2,0,0,0,27,9,0,6,2,118,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474918075886361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818221482335396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214844832476622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873106243860159,0.0,0.0940771469321179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044860188285432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112022526986472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055494241472360206,0.0,0.0,0.08909017014685748,0.0,0.11710513008834632,0.1170105127056878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486775636877453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119532778814736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674868182004412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758393509064386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030229032829104,0.0,0.10050553356687546,0.07090098264648721,0.0,0.0,0.115701958047784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875890438406875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502316372482545,0.0,0.4418268970228879,0.0927449933960276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416253245199335,0.106777889735771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041368837024708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20207426544500995,0.08446839138538784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24531418150379666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853735748810241,0.0,0.0,0.1214689281145788,0.24665332703549075,0.14113232798115405,0.0,0.0,0.08432480256460505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014953396095144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057612697340212,0.25553306424749955,0.09173778615911518,0.0,0.0,0.06264981282733564,0.0843104796615485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584474104786714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jointhenovel,2019/01/09,"Panicked and distrustful of therapists Hi everyone, I'm glad to be here. I sunked after a severe anxiety crisis that lasted 3 years (with agoraphobia) and a traumatic sexual relationship. After that I searched for help and the therapist I found attacked me personally in a bad way, which left me traumatized. I have largely recovered my life (work, friends, etc), although I still have constant panic attacks and difficulty doing certain things. I'm starting to notice that panick attacks come when I feel angry because someone may be taking advantage of me. I feel really vulnerable/anxious to other people's hidden motivations, specially if they are not honest or I feel they try to manipulate me (I was slightly gaslighted as a kid). For example: Recently I went to a large therapy group and one of the organisers was the therapist who attacked me last year. She looked ashamed and asked me to meet to solve the conflict we had in private. I have the feeling that she is doing that now because she knows I can talk about what happened and make her look bad. She actually started crying when I mentioned this possibility (not as a threat). I feel she is not being honest and this makes me really anxious and scared, like I don't know who to trust anymore and I doubt my feelings all the time. I've been talking about this with my current therapist, who has been helping me for the last months, and she is encouraging my feelings. But she seems to have something personal with the other therapist and she seems personally happy when I talk about strongly confronting the other therapist (they work on the same small field). I feel vulnerable and that I can not trust therapists. I feel any small thing can destroy me and I don't really know if those are small things anymore because they don't feel small to me. Feeling manipulated and scared all the time. Does anybody else feel the same? &#x200B;",6.657829457364342,8.252444860465118,6.9453488372093055,70.79713178294578,65.51162790697674,10.035658914728684,35.84496124031008,10.222266870305534,4.044905426356588,1528,74,247,37,24,494,175,344,0.21600000000000005,0.6859999999999999,0.099,-0.9923,1,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,1,0,4,5,9,28,8,5,18,0,27,1,0,5,3,59,58,25,0,2,8,0,12,1,1,1,1,0,0,4,21,20,0,1,19,0,0,2,7,15,0,1,7,14,49,13,29,47,5,31,0,0,2,0,34,8,0,7,21,180,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.06595768518376678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732332872627785,0.08212874399634466,0.045963235642226236,0.0,0.05170584763283671,0.07635699259998749,0.13406141319520445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318713818449594,0.3075716425936104,0.0,0.0,0.11286896074950507,0.12360595127623265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822244280900087,0.0,0.07304032989852957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424398551612725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059148101435982724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646242548004625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538025393333025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645847450912649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101039010514692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410849145199826,0.052219545817531035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976924692308015,0.07195037020693877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060774838681374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143640512113584,0.16528359885758293,0.0,0.0,0.0734362820212921,0.0,0.047740522847332885,0.03302085721858671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351645729463215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090233145848094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053949362018126674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695119066497555,0.0,0.0,0.04580045212446391,0.0,0.0,0.07930181517453302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04685810801506135,0.17704985608261314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619710172587751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989885691671066,0.0,0.06673656125946442,0.07256591974644429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533793165130367,0.0,0.0,0.12306203965206745,0.0,0.07635699259998749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057268436154363125,0.052033764770711984,0.0,0.0,0.0956805124904541,0.0,0.05397713000346587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081895639916286,0.1629778448675907,0.0,0.0,0.07729458110068572,0.5493370247171613,0.1347105511721225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882406127474728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045888891614559016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0536494666495302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265622257775551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984120459429695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212874399634466,0.08705095363976692 ptsd,not-weed,2019/01/09,"A documentary fucked my whole night up! So I was hanging out with my boyfriend and his roomates. They insisted on watching the R. Kelly documentary that was out, and I was pretty clear I didn't want to watch it. One of the boys kept asking ""why?"" and I wanted to explain so bad but I just couldn't. He even noticed I was uncomfortable and offered to turn it off, but continued to watch anyway. I spent the whole night so fucking uncomfortable and I couldn't explain to anyone what was wrong for some reason. It's so frustrating. ",2.554304812834225,5.161916480392158,3.6440106951871662,85.45259358288772,80.27450980392156,6.454188948306596,24.9590017825312,7.686295010490155,1.4731450980392158,419,16,80,7,11,135,64,102,0.214,0.7490000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.9639,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,3,0,4,0,8,2,0,1,1,21,18,11,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,1,3,0,1,1,3,5,0,1,8,3,12,0,13,8,3,9,0,0,3,2,8,5,2,1,3,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14625859889314094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554848366248925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17465068652644186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815676897359996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867540665247948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3925893110810386,0.0,0.0,0.2381448041945232,0.0,0.0,0.14174101282834978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128041018992342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21506464315699805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22752011767101074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467512655333524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887460638825618,0.4670682852666771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286977979712275,0.0,0.0 ptsd,creamfilles,2019/01/09,"Does anybody get ""happy"" flashbacks when they hear a song before their trauma and get super depressed? Just heard a song from 3 years ago and man it feels like I can remember how my brain used to be normal before my trauma. It doesn't make me feel happy to remember even though the song is associated with good times. It just makes me feel this lost nostalgic sense of sadness.",7.260416666666668,7.136501986111117,6.835555555555558,78.11500000000002,63.861111111111114,9.422222222222222,29.11111111111111,8.841846274778883,2.1073777777777782,301,8,56,4,4,94,55,72,0.16899999999999998,0.679,0.152,-0.1091,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,2,6,10,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,4,0,15,15,5,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,4,3,0,0,5,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,8,7,5,5,12,0,4,0,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644562635500154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31573534731027586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071066837855522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979196854053698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235372853610416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253717374034245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814202645835159,0.13253873036596855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385777411688,0.0,0.0,0.15560913729189282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39498853180579535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909958001664464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063789299641806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025218929589787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476780709831545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18177460638490606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42032615518116095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18227686622065267,0.0,0.10818082014149216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16023358960653636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947168677371847 ptsd,-tahlthar-,2019/01/09,"Brain fog? Do any of y'all experience brain fog? I'm not entirely sure if what I'm experiencing is the same, but I'll try to explain. It's almost like my mind slows down into slow motion. Everything around me seems sluggish. I can't focus on anything. My mind is blank, but at the same time there's thoughts swirling around. It's not distressing or anything, but it makes doing anything very difficult. When I'm like that I could just sit in one spot for hours and not notice. Just wondering if anyone else deals with this and maybe how to cope with it? Thanks in advance y'all are the best ",2.246836158192089,4.610065576271187,3.0450000000000017,90.74569209039551,79.67796610169492,6.306214689265537,22.545197740113,7.492282038375204,0.8499807909604518,470,15,98,7,12,148,82,118,0.07,0.7809999999999999,0.149,0.8972,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,2,7,7,0,1,3,0,7,2,2,2,1,31,16,10,0,3,11,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,1,1,7,5,14,14,3,16,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,6,7,58,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16333998379779352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092642380222673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405650518546832,0.16713455672869645,0.40269878912687535,0.290420751398721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17118318829747936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641892066005855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302371429689615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816839034903794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626488323087727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660072056386678,0.159561552928965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063922715422788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938327887328665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10888311100707586,0.0,0.16387482753937901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294071133698894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18571191232557865,0.0,0.0,0.11053356648426338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484972910813822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537376026268629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501779379134041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949816061183386,0.09511592367903847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074700394622763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345901492630189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689545412570795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Squidiculus,2019/01/09,"Triggered by an abuser, can't get away from emotional flashbacks TW: Sexual harassment, victim blaming, To make a very long story short, I am a university student. My school recently allowed a professor who was accused of sexual harassment to begin teaching again. In a darkly ironic twist, the news story originally broke two years ago literally the day after I was sexually assaulted. The professor is a part of a department I work with and seems unrepentant. So now there's a huge protest planned and a student movement pushing him to resign. I wholly support this movement, but I still find myself getting triggered by the whole thing. I'm writing this now because I had a panic attack and will now probably miss class. It really hurts because I have been doing well for months now. I've had panic attacks, but they've only really been over understandable things, such as exams. So far this year I have been calm, and having great productive days. But then this fucking guy reappears and suddenly I'm constantly terrified and back to feeling broken and unfixable. I can't do this now, I'm in my last semester of undergrad. I'm trying so hard to be strong and support something I believe in, but how can I when I can't even support myself? it feels like PTSD has taken everything from me. It took my personality, it took my sense of security, my friends, my hobbies, and now it's finally taking my education and my future. Of course, I don't intend to let it, but I very well might be completely fucked if I have a breakdown this semester. Last semester was already sub-par by my own standards.",5.969274453024454,7.506616773648647,6.969305019305023,70.20130630630632,67.07432432432432,10.232689832689832,35.04118404118404,10.398101306919678,4.1232102960102965,1279,62,208,34,21,428,175,296,0.18899999999999997,0.6809999999999999,0.13,-0.9535,1,0,1,0,1,0,36.0,0,0,0,3,20,26,9,2,15,0,27,2,0,7,0,33,49,23,0,1,6,0,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,15,11,0,1,5,0,0,6,4,15,2,1,11,3,28,11,25,33,3,42,0,4,0,2,6,8,2,3,29,150,43,10,0.0,0.12776001781632684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558411580260552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899224841423454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24534265597483426,0.10130912112331672,0.0829140301671253,0.0,0.13146340854522315,0.0,0.0,0.12148662907015385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305690729675245,0.1165251021158712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908187947271233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129338232552392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122019649533616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690996863725927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904340796955983,0.07703323107409771,0.0,0.1181216624933682,0.09855397247349026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330860385331744,0.19937279090921453,0.11267265551602318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888211850030493,0.0,0.10676790114425837,0.0,0.0,0.09659381981164628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543343230586806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579044583282355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026270423127076,0.0,0.0526799203220313,0.0,0.0,0.09542548479738198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197685544953382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438978422857593,0.0,0.0,0.08606827114529325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200899649498343,0.0,0.2530287616176945,0.0,0.11676855975394587,0.0,0.0,0.0941523337781918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625815906480172,0.0,0.12604661200683587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815634538692825,0.0,0.10646836653701558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912894827816336,0.0,0.09816369091545707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830122175215216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611257088122952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670900334061232,0.0,0.0,0.08107416946310468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327391230957806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396045078551461,0.0732089763121166,0.0,0.1053334999251169,0.11225404233136094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779408326752521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390287425235014,0.0,0.0,0.12038749639472585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850097144185535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388769913313606 ptsd,blanc_nord,2019/01/09,"New Years Resolution: Be Kinder to Myself One of the things I've struggled with in dealing with my PTSD and in trying to process my trauma is the utter self-deprecation and self-hate that has come out of my circumstances. I used to be someone who was rather confident and comfortable in themselves and it was ripped away from me in my trauma. Therefore, my New Years resolution is to be kinder to myself. To acknowledge and accept that it's okay to feel shitty and that I am trying the best that I can. We're only a couple weeks into 2019 and I feel like, with tons and tons of effort and mental affirmantions, I've already come to love myself more than I had even a month ago. I'm always worried that my sense of progress is a placebo; it goes back and forth from being real to being a figment of what I want it to be. But lately, I feel better. I think I'm beginning to learn how to function and manage my PTSD through yoga, small moments of self-care, and the miracle liquid that is CBD oil. ",7.19106060606061,6.075811843434348,7.448161616161617,76.92890909090909,64.40404040404039,9.940202020202019,31.921212121212122,8.841846274778883,2.4581357575757585,787,24,153,10,10,257,109,198,0.065,0.75,0.185,0.9758,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,4,4,10,0,1,8,1,16,1,0,3,0,33,28,14,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,19,0,0,7,1,0,2,0,3,0,1,3,4,19,7,32,19,4,21,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,12,110,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269020601532052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797982059291812,0.0,0.11911998561557377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450285201580578,0.1100806463025982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502368275999101,0.12661274562312827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24663807961815354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840301560611186,0.0,0.0,0.14759092712257202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455535141883772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21715689371507016,0.1022730151498083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614898985452945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994039084253624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292068356117872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427087846366116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142683680279925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765282410657975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970084301914127,0.1088790801580726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33469106461228953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629465972770206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480390392339566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129838971359146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966115815111145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510866154708683,0.09173068333704516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19439150192905905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364364961160992,0.0,0.0,0.08443904992453706,0.0,0.11483373571547592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538519356885504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437975975238427 ptsd,littlemisslegacy,2019/01/09,"Getting Better I have had Complex PTSD for a long time. I was officially diagnosed a couple years ago and it has been a bumpy road to say the least. There's always the times when I feel like I'm never gonna get better, and I know that there's a good chance I never will because it caused me to have delvelopmental problems, but you know what? I'm kinda learning to roll with the punches. I'm starting to learn that I have the power to tell my past it can fuck right off. I had a nightmare last night and for the first time ever, I didn't wake up angry after. I just kinda got up and was like ""yep. This is my life."" I mean it's not walking on the moon, but for me waking up and feeling okay is a huge step in the right direction. It makes me feel like I'm gonna be alright.",3.196297918948524,3.561908180722895,4.512322015334064,89.5900164293538,72.6144578313253,7.000219058050384,24.127053669222345,6.574015621080383,0.5680192771084345,602,15,138,4,11,200,99,166,0.052000000000000005,0.785,0.16399999999999998,0.9319,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,4,5,10,1,0,13,3,15,5,2,2,3,27,33,8,0,1,4,0,3,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,9,6,0,0,9,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,7,4,16,8,16,22,1,28,0,0,0,1,3,10,1,2,19,86,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169021923131078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300128348054194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743815183756864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827343805634209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420168401627774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768620460616206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223618582674576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445861692533707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424626348928631,0.22838220152657626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596145689854194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477712809052048,0.16702161365815665,0.0,0.0,0.1340678202297718,0.12784018657937118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568987982076056,0.13029249996024794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290107634723065,0.2342720669697234,0.0,0.0,0.14145507072657992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669572389293176,0.0,0.0,0.17411471193974434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465598878337439,0.0,0.0,0.1500008154779615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525872007034868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294713189413292,0.18684665269588352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730082554520137,0.0,0.12711271167948976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313693484434065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397088848382732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27961532978297304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293295691808316 ptsd,altmyass,2019/01/09,"What is ptsd like? About 6-7 months ago my dad tried to kill himself in front of me, and i keep having flashbacks about it and sometimes have nightmares about it,is that ptsd or something else?",3.867280701754384,5.537495026315792,3.0131578947368425,96.02043859649126,72.42105263157895,5.066666666666666,25.824561403508767,3.1291,0.19576140350877136,153,5,32,0,3,44,32,38,0.125,0.8140000000000001,0.062,-0.5514,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,4,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25727964458865626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24245770864289035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579780427528518,0.3211068043571603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179627089296662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316662556815485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6785484652218543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22344040786608524,0.2870541082633545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19705344604722794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,InfernoInfinity,2019/01/09,"Tips/tricks for talking in therapy? Hi all! Bit of a lurker here but needing some help. I did therapy for a few years during college, and while it didn't start out great, I eventually got to a good spot with my therapist and I felt like we connected really well. I'm now 5 years down the road and some recent events have led to me seeking therapy again (new person). Problem is I find myself literally unable to speak in sessions. I feel really rude - I'm responding to everything she says or asks in my head, but I can't verbalize a damn thing. We just sit there in silence with me super keyed up. She mentioned today maybe trying art therapy. My first thought is I suck at art, but to be fair I have no idea what that really involves. A. Any input on art therapy? B. Any advice on how to emotionally remove/distract myself enough to be able to speak? ",2.9258928571428555,4.971881232142857,4.651809523809527,81.65985714285716,75.96428571428572,8.289523809523809,25.485714285714288,9.029198982220553,2.182461428571429,669,24,129,16,15,226,115,168,0.105,0.753,0.142,0.7703,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,0,2,7,9,3,0,6,0,9,1,1,2,1,25,19,9,0,2,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,4,8,0,0,5,3,0,1,3,4,1,1,5,5,19,5,23,12,6,24,0,0,0,0,15,11,2,3,12,83,23,2,0.1222781375419554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948878081201715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630665324906765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431355226649692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334960564358516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754644654733594,0.0,0.12634600308736724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989570548288533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182750038815697,0.0,0.11740618781290835,0.0,0.11176000245810602,0.10400972132737177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256110032325108,0.09779699691274933,0.13481207831975278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549264636158114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196045808185592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803713353881156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973892149569832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284482445964864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066768960670504,0.0,0.11809698720132412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676855321400198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700366360446182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23500351806010605,0.0,0.12073490907825195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724048285843326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654909511431602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828253514269614,0.0,0.0,0.6991785346229088,0.14197434227283792,0.0812361612121115,0.0,0.0,0.09707518260780712,0.0,0.0,0.11590537678243194,0.0,0.0,0.08301882884323496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994273066418292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574862230616036 ptsd,Drummerboy860,2019/08/07,"My total surprise at the improvement I've felt in switching over to only 100% grass-fed meat. Switching over to *only* 100% grass-fed meats has been perhaps the best thing I’ve ever done to improve my mental health when it comes to depression, severe fatigue, and anxiety. I am surprised as anyone as to the change I feel, and I’m convinced now that standard store-bought dairy, meats, and eggs - from animals which are fed nothing but a *highly* unnatural corn & grain diet - was provoking body-wide and even encephalic (brain) inflammation. Severe fatigue, shortness of breath (air hunger), and dependence on large amounts of caffeine to merely survive a single day have all been substantially reduced. My sleep has also improved, likely due to less caffeine ingestion, whereas before I nearly always needed some amount of alcohol to actually sleep through a whole night uninterrupted. Not fun. To anyone suffering badly out there, converting to a 100% grass-fed meat diet (I’ve been eating grass-fed ground lamb found in a local supermarket, imported from Australia), is certainly worth a try, and cannot hurt. I now eat said grass-fed meat about 3 nights weekly, and follow a vegan diet + vegan protein shakes for the other 4 days. Combined with light niacin flushes (vitamin b3) to purge and reduce histamine levels when stress is high, life may not be perfect, but it’s certainly better than before. If all psychiatric medications have failed you or have worsened your condition, such as: SSRIs, SSNRIs, anticonvulsants, atypical antipsychotics, benzodiazepines, mood stabilizers, or opiate-based medications - as they have me - there’s still hope, for you. God wants you to have a sound mind, and He knows how to show you the way if you will believe and trust. The right combination of proper diet, moderate exercise, and healing from trauma can lead you to feel truly born again. Never forget - you are what you eat, *plus* what that animal ate.",9.199459628299234,9.697028899109796,8.484638450726223,65.82320318600658,59.71216617210682,11.367733874746216,36.134468218022796,10.992663274268294,4.273270623145399,1557,62,234,36,19,490,221,337,0.124,0.745,0.131,0.1439,0,0,1,0,0,0,75.0,0,9,1,6,14,23,0,2,14,0,22,26,4,4,8,48,36,26,0,5,8,0,3,1,0,2,11,2,0,0,9,15,13,0,5,2,1,4,4,10,0,0,10,6,18,12,40,23,10,36,0,6,0,0,12,16,0,8,16,144,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.11382570555433638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465475849913946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932785155690004,0.0970554362944318,0.12638149094414758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923076320363582,0.0,0.0,0.16311751003057642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739114598020382,0.0,0.0,0.19850739607675608,0.1314155209889889,0.1224085175535334,0.10316031523497793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13021097846216365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339170409205436,0.10047670128760952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044880075221853,0.0,0.10046353016594473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936519965164813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580614663825546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704089988346001,0.1055093106757835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179553369651861,0.0,0.11199455224880996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12789186436105107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239849255274884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464772228821132,0.0,0.11585176296575947,0.0,0.0,0.12486760693033053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410335860035085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238765022590573,0.05698535902893829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23500896208932595,0.1175476388912602,0.0,0.11777510636478378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648851896220572,0.08996145322879957,0.0,0.0,0.21892111428930688,0.0,0.11192108523184573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17742289966657915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961157761591592,0.11095319364453846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635443779594589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334523505549402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315040225145398,0.0,0.13361294573228827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749172058853171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07919221923238741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879843704112908,0.09258494104186006,0.09356312682200203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022655810243142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,governmentskeletons,2019/08/07,"As someone who became hypersexual after an assault, sometimes I feel like I’m disgusting. It would make sense after being violently raped that one would not enjoy sex. But idk something just went different with me. I got SUPER into one-night stands, BDSM, etc. I think a part of me is trying to “take back” the sex life I had before my assault. But other people don’t understand that. I’ve been told I “had it coming” since I was kind of promiscuous I’m super feminist and I know nothings wrong with enjoying safe sex. But I don’t act like A normal rape victim so I feel like I’m never taken as seriously. I’m too uncomfortable to talk with my therapist about this. So I’m hoping some one can relate because I feel so disgusted with myself.",2.4707126436781586,4.9417017724137935,4.618620689655174,79.16678160919544,79.55172413793103,7.1770114942528735,22.77011494252873,8.238735603445708,1.6516804597701151,587,19,106,12,15,202,96,145,0.245,0.597,0.158,-0.9428,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,7,20,8,0,4,0,11,6,0,1,1,26,30,9,0,4,5,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,6,0,0,3,4,10,0,2,8,3,15,10,14,19,3,9,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,2,7,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670729782050846,0.0,0.10044966590975858,0.0,0.14021746829594933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14194522678469249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721622690396163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18377564944767533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499564104129215,0.2354407940877481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179133419059594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366585045929516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17159524626550876,0.09055995725955776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163905019343648,0.2415126971858676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999336109033772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270901484304319,0.0,0.0,0.15463688008030424,0.16145151516872755,0.15811291196501825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3349819373763945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844300472420305,0.0,0.11423919107480746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630949284404414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396193764010029,0.12685734545817148,0.1629737545009151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389566536575143,0.13244564601146214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913247704902723,0.0,0.10558574466319604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745640077118006,0.0,0.1118762596151285,0.0,0.0,0.17154402390724904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275469894740915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23411301541930934,0.1801634072110856,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Phoenix_The_Dragon,2019/08/07,"Can you have ptsd if your still in the situation I honestly believe I have ptsd but I’m to afraid to ask my doctors or therapists about it because I’m still in the situation The situation is that I’m being abused by my family and even though I’m 21 I can’t afford to leave them I’ve noticed that whenever I’m spoken to in a stern voice I almost burst into tears regardless of whether I’m in trouble or not and it’s happening while I’m at work I’ve had countless nightmares about the abuse I freak out if I’m yelled at and if I’m ever even near an angry man I have to resist the urge to run and hide Is this ptsd? Or at least some version of it?",2.7188732394366184,3.3989890563380314,4.8226478873239484,85.77833802816902,73.92957746478874,8.215211267605634,26.171830985915488,8.548686976883017,1.5840991549295778,514,17,117,9,10,179,81,142,0.19399999999999998,0.792,0.013999999999999999,-0.9794,1,0,0,0,2,0,2.0,0,2,1,1,8,4,0,1,7,0,9,1,0,0,1,19,20,14,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,6,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,2,11,1,21,18,3,15,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,8,4,76,17,2,0.0,0.3497867042917185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478097881157131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799513968058436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998150046460174,0.0,0.0,0.16630557949299654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108477835691494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19498962380332946,0.13352142061905306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915328422515147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053076646186104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629735464009914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805461696010324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5176435056277883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4977584478752583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23576258739988235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713862337802735,0.0,0.0,0.1450257766175061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746161652787388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chnadrle444,2019/08/07,"Choking on food PTSD, any ideas? So I was diagnosed with EOE or Eosinophilic esophagitis which is a chronic, allergic inflammatory disease of the esophagus AKA my throat gets tight as hell and its extremely hard to swallow foods at times. Before I was diagnosed with it I was over at a friends house and to make a long story short, choked on a piece of steak and had to had the heimlich done on me. So my questions is, my throat not only is tight from the EOE, but when I eat foods it almost feels the way your body feels when you flex your muscles, but in the top section of my throat, giving me super bad anxiety when it comes to eating and I have to basically liquify the food in order for it to go down. Any suggestions on how to over come this or how to eliminate that feeling all together? Thanks in advance.",6.450691823899376,6.302709666666669,6.365408805031446,80.89201257861636,65.54088050314465,9.833962264150944,33.38993710691824,9.444778638647367,2.8038352201257872,643,25,129,11,9,203,99,159,0.096,0.795,0.10800000000000001,0.6204,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,0,3,7,5,1,0,10,0,10,15,4,3,1,25,20,16,0,0,5,0,6,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,8,8,7,2,5,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,6,6,14,3,28,14,3,26,1,0,0,0,7,15,1,4,5,89,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395500907233554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194136868758207,0.0,0.1023364930256054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169542849940277,0.0,0.0,0.11383154208700245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859239262194193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304683468209161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715549225986636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368969118169904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737677264478318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291996423570066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6470386213623295,0.0,0.10335320724850214,0.0,0.0698912223837665,0.12832789589717875,0.07602666068755558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198349344023967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435685684219722,0.0,0.1510141928486118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838549022400735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929496491705903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174090572819253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637426401541218,0.0,0.14985712832987005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316082423859308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800450399898526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618331428572086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,astudentiguess,2019/08/07,"The thought of having sex with someone freaks me out I have been single for the almost a year now and have been dating casually since my breakup. I had been seeing the brother of my friend/co-worker for about a m onth. One day after we had sex he flipped out. Immediately after we finished he told me to get the fuck out. I was still lying there naked and he threw my clothes at me. I asked what was going on and why he was yelling but he just started taking all the stuff I had left there like my toothbrush and eye contacts and putting them in my bag. He started to take all my stuff and tried to throw it out of his apartment. I tried to take my stuff out of his hands and he picked me up and dragged me. Screaming I punched him and he put me down. I started crying and tried to find my friend (his brother for help) but he wasn't there. when he, the guy I was sleeping with, saw me crying he started laughing and said ""no one will help you. Get the fuck out."" I've never seen someone flip like that on me before and since then I have stopped dating. The last time I tried to have sex with someone my heart was beating so hard and I felt so anxious and nauseous. I had once enjoyed causal sex with no problem but now I can barely masturbate without my heart pounding out of my chest and feeling incredibly anxious. I just met a new guy a work who seems really nice and is very handsome and he gave me his number. I thought he wanted to get to know me but he wants me to ""come over"" to his house before work. So it sounds like he just wants to have sex with me. I wouldn't have minded this before but now just the thought of that invitation gets my heart racing, in not a good way. I'm not sure what to do. Since my breakup it's been hard but I was having a good time saying until that guy went crazy on me. I don't know to say that sex scares me because it's something I've always been very comfortable with and enjoyed and I'm so sad that I haven't been able to lately. I just am scared that all the men who are interested in me just want to use and me throw me out like that one guy did, literally. What's happening to me?",2.9173402948402942,3.9966110247747793,3.6897051597051593,92.573230958231,73.88738738738739,6.2827190827190815,24.715806715806714,6.273863323946077,0.4944423423423427,1661,50,377,10,33,528,187,444,0.149,0.735,0.11599999999999999,-0.9149,0,1,1,0,1,0,36.0,2,1,1,3,19,24,2,2,16,0,35,15,7,2,5,77,76,33,0,6,15,2,5,4,1,2,0,6,0,5,20,37,0,1,9,1,0,8,10,8,0,3,30,15,62,16,54,44,4,54,0,1,4,8,45,20,2,2,29,244,82,2,0.07523687094939603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533885831232827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260310372996619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999249769785407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033631810666463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04586369820736296,0.0,0.19206310716164807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480990239506985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652883397732435,0.048521557571322295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03804202256704662,0.0,0.07223919482834379,0.0,0.06876513701690651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625563972475107,0.13911054968385952,0.1572326391349093,0.0,0.042758847594913184,0.12621023552637767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29798532385560955,0.06653171650696886,0.0,0.13479491668630453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674681629793325,0.10085937734441168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681324757994642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269643331925798,0.06132809155515662,0.08487046751834927,0.0,0.08174508042663213,0.0,0.0,0.14702773913892175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596779203789293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058027313082143636,0.07266423879354424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012481209527016,0.15294735270250578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199152453720521,0.0,0.15126767173467567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04819866608036853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156749334296247,0.11966275913168285,0.15065046599720547,0.0,0.05995404519614937,0.06849282161307492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671015137713667,0.0,0.07529120611780622,0.0,0.19124386980764624,0.05792101899778977,0.0,0.0,0.21301217800012834,0.0,0.060084262327615864,0.06290139299776734,0.0,0.0,0.2583846509201737,0.0,0.0,0.0709098604780118,0.0,0.16970629082948172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918901448134966,0.08774244897896345,0.0,0.0,0.07189205439741965,0.0,0.204323586786897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06498049997392895,0.0,0.12415659595159904,0.17750662322425514,0.0597195261715484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974533313604524,0.06788957368515408,0.0,0.0,0.0725256587612169,0.0,0.16432001435390567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845007815370175 ptsd,miahsdead,2019/08/07,"Does anyone get triggered by things that have nothing to do with your trauma? (TW) I was diagnosed with PTSD 13 years ago. Since then I have figured out all of my triggers and have done my best to work through them. However, I have one trigger that is super random and has nothing to do with what caused my trauma! Here is some background- When I was 5 I was sexually assaulted When I was 10 I witnessed my dad try and murder my mom. He was on some sort of drugged and just flipped out on her. I'm not going to go into detail because it still makes me shake but it was horrifying. When I was 14 I was raped. All of my triggers from these are triggers you could imagine. I have one trigger though that is super random?! Whenever I am in a car and it starts to storm or if i am in a car with a driver who drives somewhat fast I immediately get triggered and break down into an episode. I have no idea why this happens? This trigger is bigger than all of my other ones too? Does anyone else ever go through something like this? I'm just always so confused over it.",2.4913453025086056,4.404793481308413,3.635341859321201,89.0599040826365,76.80373831775701,5.813674372848009,25.74913920314805,6.5966054737557815,0.92231214953271,831,31,170,7,19,269,125,214,0.129,0.81,0.061,-0.9341,1,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,4,11,11,3,2,4,0,26,3,0,10,4,45,36,15,1,2,6,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,15,14,0,0,3,0,0,7,2,7,0,3,9,0,26,4,28,26,7,29,0,0,0,1,8,11,0,9,11,132,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14196944016504567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332633816180341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22397087497339216,0.1640996839590412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763016771477663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807479942234024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645252670256104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787226303909874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255589553951136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803087878981105,0.16389612741355553,0.0,0.0,0.18573117276364587,0.0,0.13379055002491475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448710970726874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735075374398994,0.0,0.27306259362955804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416262293450325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079766054517746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824457791191003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690598314591712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18757384098242388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073497551875241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255794076692992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18721486086941888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132483453548125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232966162780382,0.0,0.0,0.11335988742891935,0.0,0.1279015177001587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640113658033222,0.0,0.15735335397860906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873603103209302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451670327584282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165961402104496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313580109814503 ptsd,kilimomo,2019/08/07,"Detached emotions during past trauma causing me to feel like I'm a fraud? [TW SA] Me and my counselor were talking about my nightmares today. I had one the night before, once again, and I was raped in it, once again. It felt very real and I felt pure terror during the rape and felt very bad after it. I could feel the different sensations too, such as the semen dripping down my thighs as I walked away from the scene and the nausea during the rape kit. I've been anxious since then. So we started talking about my real rapes with the counselor. I told her I felt like a fake due to realizing I don't remember being scared during the real rapes that happened to me. She said that the mind detaches emotions during the event to protect the mind from the trauma. That's why I don't remember many emotions about the rapes. I just remember what I saw, and sometimes what I felt. Now that I think about it, I mostly don't remember emotions when thinking about my traumatic childhood. There are a few events where I remember the fear, but mostly not. For example, when our pipes got clogged due to me eating plastic ( I had Pica disorder). The shit water raised from the sewer and got up to my ankles when I took a shower. I remember the smell and fear. Maybe I remember the fear because there was a smell included? When I smell that smell nowadays I feel the same fear I felt back then. Anyway. Anyone else feel strange about the way mind processes emotions during trauma? Like, I feel like a fake for not being scared when he raped me IRL. I feel like it's not a real rape and that it can't be traumatic because I wasn't scared. I feel like a fraud and a liar. On the other hand I'm scared to think about how much more broken my mind would be without the protective detaching. Or if I hadn't detached my feelings back then, would I have been able to process them better? Am I alone in this? Sorry for the rambling.",3.5337470967741917,5.366795802666669,4.137341935483871,86.94557419354841,73.64,6.865376344086022,25.43010752688172,7.601502580125103,1.3023539784946232,1506,50,293,19,31,477,169,375,0.23800000000000002,0.669,0.09300000000000001,-0.9961,2,1,0,0,0,0,41.0,2,0,1,1,26,32,10,9,33,0,23,13,3,2,1,62,50,25,0,4,8,0,15,6,0,2,0,1,1,0,16,12,2,2,25,0,0,2,10,25,0,1,21,21,47,7,32,22,6,33,0,0,1,8,10,7,1,4,29,196,63,0,0.05909514239373623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061204745357455764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676069014139542,0.0,0.04132069759220005,0.06054995692321776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05552183157204669,0.09088103355067416,0.049341975493022924,0.07204770060388102,0.0,0.05028561361416786,0.0,0.0,0.05226485113145135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06070698974452684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047182662585897164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061741846041550974,0.06772815294625699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046908378726416,0.04936640854691828,0.33237040602120305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659938584820068,0.2390422368370325,0.16887032613541172,0.3404436243230635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452756763253337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052257639254076116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322540937582884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991319903788445,0.059369013461507913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23867699074495136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04344172923362774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055456787921788674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586879598504516,0.04004439788030169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056413000169561925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26905283846887385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686029349580051,0.0,0.05621301306788449,0.0,0.23665818706829256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606603144471552,0.0488841124604501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058446606886283475,0.06615217371921989,0.04182784594731516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499687394375296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135973432659184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056015285175629384,0.05646794102390632,0.0656568775917194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751936283761972,0.0,0.04690697337968495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332417434893915,0.0,0.0,0.05696560845248765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395898726808779,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kittenborn,2019/08/07,"Does anyone else struggle with maintaining trust over periods of separation? I have ptsd from childhood sexual abuse and I suspect also some issues because of childhood neglect. I've been in therapy for over a decade, did 6 months inpatient treatment, and for the most part I'm not symptomatic. I've been seeing a man for three months and I'm head over heels in love. We've had some bumps (a trigger during sex once, etc) but for the most part it's been pretty smooth sailing. We've had a nearly three week separation recently because of visiting family and I guess in his absence it feels like I'm starting afresh with him again, like it's giving me anxiety at the thought of seeing him, let alone having sex with him, as if he's a stranger again or something. I tried talking to him about it and he got upset at the idea that I'm struggling with trusting him. I don't know if this is normal or how to explain it to him? In the beginning I had been feeling really abandoned, especially because he didn't introduce me to his mom, as was the original plan, but I thought I had moved past it? It's really messing with my head. Any insight is appreciated!",4.078666666666667,5.8742710222222225,5.123222222222225,80.59550000000002,72.1111111111111,8.377777777777778,30.277777777777786,8.998388855275968,2.655044444444445,920,40,172,19,18,302,126,225,0.092,0.77,0.138,0.9305,0,1,1,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,5,11,0,3,11,0,17,6,3,3,0,37,35,15,0,3,7,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,10,0,2,9,0,0,2,3,6,0,2,14,5,19,5,31,20,7,25,0,2,2,3,18,10,0,9,15,112,28,0,0.0,0.15558782634460633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600363269053026,0.0,0.10501324929033666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929929078170977,0.0,0.10045627681262663,0.0,0.0,0.09181910561059907,0.1345486212338203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24014679626309104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491539782863852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969755459407113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464519005491308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379291011157567,0.0,0.13279449324735315,0.09381207974118637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597014273103346,0.0,0.0,0.10502529266595696,0.0,0.14465922928054975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695359229345068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823962704721366,0.0,0.1370596454654155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216776484899018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427936823619702,0.0,0.12830859661737565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851769450391587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379555325661853,0.20963014022095847,0.1395679821145172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286616660806803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984710986354945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28440456894152066,0.1253558512370691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359544296558146,0.0,0.0,0.1535012182640707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168248610495418,0.0,0.1296585739974604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20928348475478176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010933679015866,0.0,0.0,0.0929460446772654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27455970633240273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554671762081697,0.0,0.0,0.15017113519352454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20850025636435546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915485210475901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533366554353256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,inquiety,2019/08/07,"I am still suffering Feels like it's been forever since the traumatic stuff happened, and I thought I had been managing so well for the past little while. I guess this month was a bit more stressful than I expected, and it feels like I'm walking on eggshells with myself. Some days I feel okay, other days I'm a total mess and it feels like I've regressed to a version of myself I neither recognize nor remember. The worst thing is that I've been trying to ignore it, and hide how I'm really doing/feeling from even my closest friends and SO because I can't bear the thought of admitting that I'm, yet again, \_still\_ not okay. I don't want to overreact and immediately assume that I'm somehow regressing, but I also don't want to pretend I'm fine and suddenly implode without warning one day. When am I going to be okay, for real, for ever?",5.781964285714286,5.922453267857144,6.695333333333334,76.98300000000003,66.91666666666667,9.815238095238096,35.25238095238095,9.642632912329526,3.3525909523809516,671,31,127,13,10,224,104,168,0.073,0.759,0.16699999999999998,0.8367,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,13,14,0,1,7,3,12,0,0,1,2,31,30,15,0,3,3,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,11,8,0,1,9,1,0,2,7,5,1,1,7,4,14,9,15,22,7,18,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,4,16,89,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389735387424075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444380526407636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914328173957538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29975082996948216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023297120180928,0.14014292918453267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916859642379379,0.3320457709837329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969842629537822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805021037143466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067270884833452,0.0,0.1370039644264916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270727128382416,0.15528042226585415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366353694025164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498448343598298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789808301222634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634410029133202,0.09925203616815574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550533075172334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281595820276119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474543742656161,0.0,0.17747163233239308,0.0,0.1773576242107576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292851541981272,0.0,0.0,0.2459940076153951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10518720576190553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18276329223472834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930055137535882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934685732764538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,maeve_dustaine,2019/08/07,"My psychiatrist suggested I may have PTSD but I feel like the things I experienced aren't ""traumatic"" enough There are two independent things that she told me I seem to have PTSD from. The first is my marriage and it's premature demise which left me divorced at 23. It was entirely my fault, and I spent the last five months of that relationship in complete isolation and constant anxiety, getting screamed at with insults that made me wish he would just hit me instead. The other thing was getting laid off, coincidentally 4 days after I dropped five grand to move out of the apartment I shared with my ex (we still lived together for six months after he filed for divorce). It was my first job out of college, and I've been there for a grand total of 8 months. I loved that job, and the layoff was totally sudden, so much so that my department had a new employee who started Monday and got laid off on Friday. But I was lucky, and got a new job that I don't hate and came with the 10K raise. So really, I should feel happy about the whole thing, but I guess I am somehow traumatized instead. Certainly getting divorced end losing a job within a six-month time would be stressful for anyone, but I feel like a fraud if I claim that it gave me PTSD when there are people pills gone through way more traumatic things. Like, you get PTSD from being raped or your child dying or something like that. I just got yelled at a little and was unemployed for a month. That seems like nothing in comparison. But I guess I have expressed the typical symptoms, like nightmares, flashbacks, anxiety, paranoia, etc. But even though I have the symptoms I still feel like it shouldn't count cuz my situations aren't ""real trauma"" Life has been very good to me I'm a lucky lucky person but somehow I'm still so fucked up why",6.722953890489916,6.809687599423633,6.445087896253607,79.7567384726225,64.93659942363111,9.706570605187322,32.33559077809798,9.3871,2.6881102017291068,1435,52,278,24,20,449,185,347,0.142,0.675,0.184,0.9422,7,1,1,0,4,0,36.0,1,2,0,3,20,26,4,1,19,0,28,7,0,3,3,54,57,26,1,6,12,1,4,7,0,5,4,2,0,2,22,16,0,0,6,0,1,4,4,9,0,6,18,7,37,17,33,31,7,43,0,1,0,3,22,15,1,13,29,191,59,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006964360146108,0.0,0.0,0.05487306336782244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975697824401764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228182178174237,0.08480594343723796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061128370425632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144691461853075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950748115898046,0.08108789697638036,0.08752279131591569,0.051833431989327515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872166461222267,0.1681923221340256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13350528487559604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255088097652129,0.16400433343733214,0.0,0.0,0.06582292857372958,0.18829609049310647,0.0,0.17290290516913198,0.0,0.0,0.08354040890197048,0.0,0.077479960199544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31150593605001264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396936941226992,0.0,0.0,0.08526567703063086,0.0,0.05543074744979467,0.2683798755281178,0.07865474306590567,0.06929678067006201,0.0,0.0,0.08779588181728565,0.0,0.0,0.0708287117095473,0.07425699767249101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131986499883287,0.08340881427410635,0.057689751140470015,0.0,0.0,0.15158748353566812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530096310287361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440618988744846,0.06852323961010061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669424580354433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932420260846413,0.050274485924623434,0.0,0.0,0.08425511349739939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288534003752454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821162942522646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060415561075667916,0.0,0.0,0.05554654628192435,0.0,0.18801591286640074,0.0,0.08989533541254935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313566022128925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26068373000170325,0.0,0.07710342306814122,0.0,0.045760670106818425,0.0,0.0,0.07498830093904749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666079389325911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475188571826651,0.0,0.0622915263449493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081344141291775,0.08761695998901188,0.09024487486682883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149586277869716,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MarigoldBlues,2019/08/07,"I had my first flashback this week It was worst than I imagined. I haven't had flashbacks before but had heard of them happening to people. I mostly have nightmares and intrusive thoughts, and have had depression and anxiety since the event. But the flashback knocked the breath out of me - I completely froze and panicked mentally. Is it strange not to have flashbacks, and then have one suddenly? It has been 5 years since the event.",4.519230769230768,7.473167269230776,3.643269230769232,86.30798076923078,75.02564102564101,7.489743589743591,31.544871794871803,8.472884824447931,2.761225641025641,349,17,61,7,8,102,51,78,0.198,0.802,0.0,-0.9455,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,4,0,13,1,1,0,0,12,16,8,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,8,2,8,0,6,8,2,8,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,7,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23027020293671602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561355340798607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156010333898243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25925764443207594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560371474364357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661802726083127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033451434282856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397072842097494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868096232516528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979936547716545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389666323933616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414503633856427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938392046370177 ptsd,Thatlamegirl,2019/08/07,CPT for PTSD Has anyone in here tried the Cognitive Processing Therapy program to treat PTSD? I’m currently doing it and just finished my third session. It was really really rough and so I’m just wondering if anyone in here has completed it and whether or not it really helped?,5.449807692307693,7.364914365384622,6.726153846153848,69.99384615384618,68.80769230769229,12.123076923076924,32.230769230769226,11.698219412168324,4.815138461538462,225,10,37,9,4,76,37,52,0.0,0.941,0.059000000000000004,0.4696,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,7,7,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,4,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,2,27,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35397035067071503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26538818431438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965887810999478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5917600666657221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4864593751557599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289461158609539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718497150111338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744944088332016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blacklightlunamoth,2019/08/07,"Better sleep = more nightmares I just bought a weighted blanket a few weeks ago and I am already sleeping better and deeper, but of course it means more nightmares. Trying to take the good with the bad :\",1.8161403508771947,4.594253421052635,1.7852631578947395,93.54350877192984,93.73684210526315,2.533333333333333,22.12280701754386,3.1291,-0.17764561403508772,162,6,28,0,6,48,31,38,0.17300000000000001,0.652,0.174,-0.2382,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,4,0,1,3,2,0,0,6,4,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,3,3,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298150471987477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860957488174724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646816240446465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4585822180698039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745186506938252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824060895629297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.518887018167984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19492845568860487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601799425843995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795974755335014,0.3157043017049633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ashes_to_evolution,2019/08/07,"10 years with PTSD I had delayed onset for my PTSD. It was years later that I started remembering the events in my childhood that caused it. After I started to get those memories back, my symptoms escalated into flashbacks, panic attacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, etc. Anyway, I just realized that I think last month may have been my 10-year anniversary with PTSD. Ten years ago this summer was when I started remembering what happened. Weird to think about. Also, fun fact: I was only officially diagnosed with PTSD this year.",7.292571428571428,9.729257844444444,6.862063492063495,68.765,65.0,9.142857142857146,35.079365079365076,9.606745405546679,3.8392698412698416,426,20,62,9,7,133,63,90,0.10800000000000001,0.856,0.036000000000000004,-0.6705,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,1,1,0,7,2,0,1,1,14,14,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,5,0,11,1,10,8,1,20,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,18,45,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893814423596046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729979139681617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264356404065324,0.0,0.1031723816912005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783480386485233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618491787815312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964072138309722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010095998004802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865061152493042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093706272543572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709729709441533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204622150724367,0.0,0.15742558840676885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6273741193686716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039884999933707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284909512059469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945931974853726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194799252956222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320218764207929 ptsd,AnyTwoWiIlDo,2019/08/07,i. need. sleep. how the fuck are you supposed to get sleep with this i don’t get it someone help pls,-1.9809090909090905,-0.33356499999999656,-0.5722727272727255,108.96159090909092,108.0909090909091,2.2,14.590909090909092,3.1291,-1.7490363636363635,78,2,20,0,4,24,20,22,0.14300000000000002,0.6940000000000001,0.163,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,2,3,2,1,0,3,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338272002367188,0.37731524911318187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420348681895134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26774792157810795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7227130536935603,0.0,0.305955255324677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Giraffesickles,2019/08/07,"Worried about job interviews and being asked why I was on illness leave for 4 months I’m getting my portfolio ready and looking at job listings after leaving a toxic work environment that triggered extreme physical pain that, after ultrasounds, CT Scans, endoscopy etc. still hasn’t been diagnosed. It’s been a long road to even be able to think about a job though so. Yay? It’s suspected that it’s trauma/stress related pain that I’ve been told by my doctor to “compartmentalize it and move on”. While looking for a job I keep having worse nightmares and flashbacks and am just generally worried and hopeless that all these bosses are going to be just as bad as my old one (covert narcissist), that I’m going to be sexually harassed by colleagues again or just bullied in general again. I keep running over interviews in my head and loosing it when it gets to the “gap in my cv” or the fact that I’ve been off for a while. How much do I have to disclose? What if they coax out more from me than I want to disclose? What If they know my old boss on a professional level and think he’s the god he makes him self out to be in public, then I’m made seem like the trouble maker he made me out to be? I swear I’m not, I did everything for that company and then some! Anyway, I’m trying to get better, I obviously need to get back to work, I’ve always loved the work but it’s the people I can’t deal with. I’ve just gotten to the stage where I can leave the house without a full blown spaz/panic attack. TLDR; how much about an illness do you disclose in an interview? Will I be cast aside because I still have an undiagnosed(and possibly stress related) pain that may be IBS? Do I tell them about my anxiety? Thanks guys, only freaking out a little- heh heh",4.861999501681822,5.600244842406879,5.677969353432168,81.38075619783234,69.05730659025788,8.70566836925377,29.787093559237576,8.841846274778883,2.2559751090071014,1386,51,275,23,23,454,190,349,0.153,0.7979999999999999,0.049,-0.9834,4,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,1,3,4,21,17,2,1,19,3,27,9,1,9,3,50,56,25,0,4,11,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,0,2,19,14,0,2,5,0,1,4,4,10,0,1,10,3,27,7,47,36,7,41,0,1,3,1,19,20,0,7,17,183,46,15,0.09546113829348683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943131429252746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302750950589178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924327799797868,0.10860082602621936,0.0,0.07340372288328295,0.07970606306065116,0.05819222386545792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442761925347039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841624189606872,0.0,0.09689104592671424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770852007816204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10646440320952924,0.0630511815274106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579431572845538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949801898065225,0.0,0.10850552958996766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452153528933464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797066842818193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014933673291613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789217994440219,0.16970049177921825,0.0,0.0,0.05246294508165728,0.0,0.0,0.3032386858576634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046637490241850585,0.09567713911093853,0.0,0.08448010340290052,0.16032662732898142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615740436154824,0.18065527441411786,0.06372105107878963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761961698334776,0.10146008257499883,0.1403498410901234,0.07078322446092923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003408126942256,0.0,0.06468693786134401,0.07260249731583633,0.3047321449648684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618073361444786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761809012631092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690423503277497,0.09958678654077346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247077670671588,0.0,0.21870082277134004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343724248849771,0.08788779053222902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233528573328732,0.09379008369067833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121720853663504,0.0,0.06481184666758731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630545267830717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613882927964038,0.0,0.0,0.09202113077625727,0.0,0.20849053684298466,0.1938908394619192,0.09728305539426772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Mementolambo,2019/08/07,"Quality questions to ask my GF with PTSD hi.. I posted yesterday aswell and wanted to thank you all for the kind responses. I really want to know what are some good quality qeustions for my GF, when she is feeling sad or depressed, she is crying a lot lately and I feel like I am lacking in the communication aspect. I always tell her I am there for her and always open her up, however I would like to communicate better with her. So she usually says, ""everything su*ks"", ""I miss my dog"" I want my own place"" ""I have no energy"" ""I am not doing well today"" how do I respond to those in a proper and loving way?.. thank you",3.668943089430893,4.83662207317073,5.569268292682931,79.47552845528458,72.17073170731706,9.043902439024393,25.861788617886177,9.444778638647367,2.1966520325203254,477,15,95,11,9,165,81,123,0.109,0.6759999999999999,0.215,0.9148,1,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,0,1,5,12,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,1,1,22,21,8,0,5,2,0,2,2,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,3,25,9,13,20,5,12,0,3,0,1,18,5,0,4,7,71,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961237092372305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663515877876951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737508562009436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546074136531852,0.0,0.0,0.1532610347840594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992264027897574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17994546848717974,0.12712167670492552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924916202631391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529903030938866,0.09779217449352327,0.0,0.2007261313643263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386677688689794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127977798603126,0.16059944610657018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591133614240046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041908252368432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080044733664556,0.0,0.19933557004873756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399409078477908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150648282743833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555289998301374,0.3276498539760002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866804572688887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959777829186092,0.0,0.3148640994906129,0.14124193969750268,0.0,0.0,0.1599910723539114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264047684423665,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,drycappucino,2019/08/07,"Introductory post..kinda?//about my PTSD Hi guys. I’m new to this sub reddit. I’m 19, and on the last day of January of this year, I got into a car accident. I already had really bad driving anxiety before my accident and depression as well, but this accident just worsened everything. I totaled my car. It happened in slow-mode for me, which made it worse. I felt paralyzed, I couldn’t do anything. I had the biggest anxiety attack to date. I couldn’t even get out of my car to check on the person I hit (don’t worry, they were all fine. No injuries!) I was shaking, hyper ventilating, and sobbing. The lady came and sat in my car with me and hugged me, helping me through my anxiety attack while I apologized over and over. I’m just now seeing a therapist. I have multiple nightmares every night about my accident, and about me getting into accidents (me hitting them) with people I love and where the loved one gets killed because of the accident I caused. I only drive as absolutely needed now and I feel so on edge when I do. I feel.. hyper vigilant. I can’t even be a passenger in another car without freaking out. I can’t watch the other cars on the road, like I used to love doing. I have to close my eyes for the entire ride because i get too panicked otherwise. I grip the sides of the car door/arm rest until my knuckles turn white. I also watched the worst accident I’ve ever seen recently, at my old job where I was a host and I’d hold the door that faced the highway open for people. A car flying down the highway hit another car, causing it to get airborne and flip, and hit a car, which then swerved and hit another car. 3 people died in that accident. I just dropped to the ground and started sobbing, and ended up having another anxiety attack. At work. I couldn’t even be sent home early because I told my mangers I wasn’t ok to drive. So.. yea. I don’t really know where I was going with this, I guess I’m just looking for support. It took me a lot to get my parents to understand that I got diagnosed with PTSD. They told me that there was no way I could have PTSD. But they’re doing better now. I don’t really talk about my struggles much, but i feel so defeated and f***ed up. I barely sleep and I dread even the smallest of naps. I used to love driving and being in cars, now I can’t even do those things. I’m trying so hard. I just feel like it’s pointless sometimes. Anyway if you read this super long post.. Thank you. It feels nice to finally be able to have a voice.",2.557912357103973,4.4394150139720585,4.207168844129921,85.17963731627655,76.50499001996008,7.508637270912721,26.35642351660316,8.367750914986694,1.8474227544910176,1946,75,391,37,44,652,234,501,0.205,0.669,0.126,-0.9922,2,0,0,0,0,0,77.0,0,2,3,4,31,29,4,3,25,2,32,9,3,5,3,63,82,33,2,6,10,1,8,2,0,0,1,1,2,2,20,29,0,1,8,2,1,22,13,14,1,1,19,16,67,15,55,50,6,76,0,4,7,5,19,29,2,3,24,260,87,3,0.07534794614688753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831483322184637,0.0602557253112028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31603556497384494,0.2305638902638845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06200493961780415,0.0,0.0,0.25715749897430396,0.0,0.0,0.06291238774683795,0.13779422585037324,0.0,0.06411555253253977,0.0,0.0,0.06663913528102611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086177977470151,0.0,0.1548061924797087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060159203880110576,0.0,0.0,0.0485931918846825,0.0,0.06489707560788717,0.07647657927728456,0.07819927219393519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673591583086523,0.0,0.0,0.2488330390330733,0.06815653104118642,0.0634838943590228,0.0,0.06771787553320825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904909276216729,0.053828587782567966,0.07234584443685267,0.08253999202540409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361971519397416,0.0,0.04282197418937653,0.0,0.12052527139908095,0.0,0.08300425748335748,0.07460631287263665,0.06662993993727913,0.0,0.06749695990271243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05050414003571972,0.0,0.07558013348134025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477121017196656,0.0,0.08336133868455092,0.0,0.04140926068330295,0.06141863266612134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736224010311997,0.0,0.0,0.066680561278406,0.06327329789823183,0.0,0.0,0.06405812934603118,0.2720178527111686,0.07129604848130572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055389410063761836,0.05586954733755816,0.0,0.07277151591143491,0.0,0.07070894324900044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906499459234981,0.0,0.05105771832930421,0.05730550835319781,0.0,0.0,0.0836649773678705,0.0,0.0,0.1567103360011941,0.06579092026969606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432500862530545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26423315072603765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536833637120062,0.0,0.14480947108837375,0.0,0.07439700677609792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06004255774759582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540236153247698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452104538126599,0.0,0.05333166409651748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787700331057756,0.0,0.0,0.08550395637392892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060561824983395365,0.0,0.06937026549622803,0.0,0.08748477291897833,0.05005782736991602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399638301729162,0.08371434057967557,0.051156309464653535,0.08195692870040755,0.0,0.07843986922695152,0.0,0.13015286656263395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598076924931923,0.0,0.0,0.06774685251060737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263273128787105,0.0,0.0548542021846416,0.07651949678850764,0.0767859942788057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852160693914289 ptsd,fourfingerfiction,2019/08/07,It changes you . It's weird. PTSD changes you so much . Every once in awhile when I'm laughing really hard. It's like I feel like me again.and that feeling makes me emotional cuz it feels like I'm hugging a good friend I hadn't seen in years,0.13362857142857365,2.5180076200000023,0.8837142857142872,101.44900000000004,92.8,4.457142857142856,21.142857142857142,6.1826913282559595,0.03148571428571412,191,7,44,2,7,58,36,50,0.059000000000000004,0.536,0.406,0.9590000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,2,8,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,5,8,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,6,7,2,6,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,5,19,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4808909187821047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556736104459348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915038396668772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447779418346674,0.32475579352173806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560571830064006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064227007805032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360954723587385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33313108683680376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517195921863166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670862320466006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24205922766425786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656929154615892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456094757762331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636899845972032 ptsd,kiri_isgay,2019/08/07,"Am I ok now?? Basically my biggest trigger are months. So half of the year I'm going through triggers, disassociation, and a depressive state that lasts from late November to early May and now I'm in that gray area. I'm currently kinda happy and confused with how determined I am for this upcoming school year. Background info: my traumatic experience happened 2017 and I started my freshman year last year. My freshman year was an absolute DISASTER because I was in the early stages of getting help as it progressively got worse. I was a very good student with very good marks and now I'm barely passing. I'm really glad to have gotten better to the point of being on my own without any professional help, but I'm really scared. Am I only better because it's the gray area? I'm scared I'll go back to my traumatized self, unfocused, unable to be in the present, and being self destructive. I want to finish the rest of my 3 years with a bang and not let that monster decide my future for me, but I'm scared that I'll be unable to do it. I managed to go through April calmly, but that was a while ago. What if I end up barely passing high school and unable to go to the college I want? I'm very excited for this new year, but I'm very scared nothing will change.",5.241340000000001,5.848533484000001,6.362950000000001,77.27322500000002,68.16,9.29,31.625,9.354420925462401,2.7981000000000007,1001,40,190,19,16,336,129,250,0.154,0.731,0.115,-0.956,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,6,16,1,5,12,1,17,0,0,3,0,28,38,17,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,11,11,0,0,2,0,0,6,2,7,0,1,6,2,19,9,30,25,2,45,0,1,2,0,4,10,0,4,27,113,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914676725720043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016964207900561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793432391906394,0.0,0.1258017810495489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18251828451196764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915652061837616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08887347397173967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139167863911864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093516652585917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053910137034907414,0.0,0.2345706688869992,0.17309411404325425,0.08252682782921325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124654966786634,0.10984282664892707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832605962245026,0.1090210896245494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821982194122118,0.11639767822519555,0.0,0.0,0.10551411019334564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823616390427663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965714733150373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900921895548806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847718186620835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754359953648156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220647863388849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132265316395785,0.20885836156810791,0.0,0.0,0.2152898494616066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303519020779063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340555199651407,0.12172289971438432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994670883571286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105154785481616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651363118732222 ptsd,ShittySoftwar3,2019/08/07,"How do I stop having recurring nightmares about a traumatic event? I keep having night terrors that usually leave me sleepless, it replays the event in my mind and sometimes amplifies the events or plays different outcomes. The event was my best friend almost dying infront of my eyes. He slit through the artery in his wrist (not purposely, freak accident) and blood was spurting everywhere, i tied a hoodie around his arm as a tourniquet and ran to a new mercedes van thinking that most new cars have first aid kits which it did and i told my other best friend to keep pressure on his wound and carried him to the first aid kit, and then phoned an ambulance. My brain keeps giving me flashbacks of it, all the blood, the screaming, the crying, just all of it, and i keep having nightmares about the event itself and it amplified, like him dying or us not making it to the first aid kit in time or the first aid kit not being there etc. Just the image of him lying in a puddle of his own blood is something that keeps randomly popping up in my head like whenever i am near the area or when i see him (he is recovering). Sorry for the vent but I just woke from one and needed an outlet, but does anyone have any help for me? like how can i try to manage this? thank you💙",5.910296896086372,6.255072526315789,5.785036437246963,82.91566531713903,66.65182186234817,8.691929824561402,29.4221322537112,8.447377352677275,1.9953926585695003,1002,32,195,13,15,313,140,247,0.071,0.823,0.106,0.9033,1,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,6,10,13,0,2,21,0,14,9,8,3,2,39,28,20,2,1,12,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,13,10,0,6,1,1,0,2,3,4,0,5,6,3,27,9,26,21,7,30,0,0,2,0,17,10,0,7,21,139,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696180223474485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943036445641423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167170152045221,0.0,0.0,0.10397985141229718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24515606956774205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039130091741113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128303126310476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424471203984969,0.12203476502243588,0.0,0.0,0.10221550307152197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026674382429246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974118851238218,0.0,0.0,0.18048414120890688,0.0,0.0,0.1120485309587912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987405725941608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829090333152951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5191014513544281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367800885363485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711928253235907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796722272287508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793820702340375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660829244270772,0.0,0.2256190369138644,0.0,0.1096121434137238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914905366611205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307724240171418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992101713526783,0.11552161775218465,0.13075192099237667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765293041202001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075369414508699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484294678253249,0.0,0.0,0.06810904223239589,0.0,0.0,0.11161072037780732,0.0,0.07930188844443954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050019188436902,0.0,0.12864251951678554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ThrowAwayTrashMan90,2019/08/07,"Hate Being Touched - Interfering with Potential Relationships Howdy. Throw away account for privacy reasons. The title says it. Quick **recent** story for an example: New girl hired at my work. Couple weeks go by then we get around to actually chatting. She ends up liking me. Always going out of her way to talk to me when at work. She wants to send me a funny video, I give her my number so that she can do so. We text each other, etc. She ends up wanting to touch me (innocently), close contact with me, making excuses to bump into me, etc. I don't return the favor and ignore it essentially (is uncomfortable with being touched 9/10). My disinterest of ""playfulness"" ended up ending any sort of potential that may have happened because I showed disinterest and shut her down. She left that job shortly after and we never spoke again. I was touched as a very young teen by a family member in my sleep. And a whole lot of other horrifying things that screwed me up. How do I get over the discomfort of being touched by most people? It's detrimental to dating, it's terrible. Puts me on alert and shit, so ridiculous. Thanks.",2.9901289785729155,5.756713425837319,4.3835781152486,79.81939463282714,79.8133971291866,7.271146245059287,24.397961306428126,8.321376580360154,1.9641477428749736,882,32,155,19,23,291,136,209,0.136,0.809,0.055,-0.9608,2,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,3,0,0,2,8,11,4,1,8,0,11,3,2,3,1,27,23,12,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,11,16,0,1,1,4,1,5,2,7,0,0,2,7,28,4,36,17,6,40,0,0,0,1,21,18,2,4,17,114,39,4,0.0,0.0,0.1380549182908033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771488928667212,0.0,0.0,0.0962048732196896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593884581772696,0.0,0.0,0.1329163049505289,0.0,0.0,0.08623917721467242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653455084291595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5012039164692642,0.0,0.31555427600321984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336591050754304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782512052319868,0.1357115101902631,0.16080202771964416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251020025532898,0.0,0.0,0.13967294905663855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038776163765376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15370824318323786,0.0,0.0,0.06911539925185603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027326256859605,0.0,0.0,0.09443273776568686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911086396820233,0.13663320690261546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980779154886571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14221704811718947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545535984121608,0.1396851706668458,0.15188650258693376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125031156896234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452175590243382,0.0,0.0,0.14157278895703015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370872599970112,0.0,0.13024714024056938,0.0,0.0,0.09398679412495804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672807796953345,0.1668860747753337,0.11229279369053634,0.11347919844237216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579468956556694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20598459335912572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,IloveReddit_omg,2019/08/07,"Positive Light I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD since May of 2019 but have been suffering since February 2018. I’ve had a hard time dealing with my parents through this ordeal because they are super conservative and religious and believe I’m not praying hard enough, believe hard enough, etc., y’all know how religious people are with mental health. After struggling for the past few months and not being able to confide in them I found out the weekly meeting they’ve been going to for the last month has been to a therapist of their own to find out how to help me. I broke down crying at work. I can’t believe they’re paying someone to help them help me and going weekly to help me. I finally feel like I can open up and have them help me and be there for me when I have a panic attack or feel overwhelmed/stressed. I know not everyone’s parents are as helpful but I’m feeling extremely blessed and hopeful for once.",6.109504596527067,6.649928612359549,6.034392236976508,80.62056690500512,66.24719101123596,8.944637385086823,33.035750766087844,8.841846274778883,2.695543820224719,735,30,137,11,11,231,107,178,0.149,0.64,0.21100000000000002,0.943,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,5,2,4,9,1,2,6,0,17,2,0,2,0,31,28,14,0,1,6,2,6,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,13,0,1,7,0,1,2,4,5,0,0,6,7,19,4,25,19,5,19,2,2,0,0,16,7,0,3,11,90,20,2,0.10963325390621224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472365348873315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683141400215395,0.0,0.0,0.3705574026853533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042698143496992,0.0,0.1130270707972803,0.0,0.11127544495294048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265609162023699,0.12227005834729335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475927233726623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166301601857049,0.07832201849635795,0.0,0.12009787082314068,0.10020280789641886,0.0,0.0,0.1202072041556122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461420938845626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946295840029545,0.0,0.0,0.11653502222022565,0.0,0.0,0.4409091547411485,0.0,0.0,0.10889055838061433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050313837913725,0.08936573448904034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053561270069017765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048453392094854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501643461137056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675583736777954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863100165478644,0.2434695084839587,0.0,0.10465734611473458,0.07600589414454108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815540695036706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137952110000904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928919002613775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255845219374665,0.11461248091422553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12729265776741902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392803199998574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758823666152614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981431456947463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chtagrl,2019/08/07,"my dad has ptsd that he won’t treat and i don’t know if i want a relationship with him anymore. i’m in need of some advice regarding my dad. here’s a bit of a backstory: my dad has been a volunteer firefighter for about 9 years and as a result he was the first responder on scene when his best friend died about two years ago. he also was a victim of a hit and run about five years so needless to say he has a lot he needs to work through. on top of this, he was recently caught cheating in an emotional affair (at least he claims that’s all it was) and after months of my mom trying to save the marriage and getting nothing in return from my dad, she filed for divorce. since then he has been an absolute nightmare to interact with, every phone call with him ends in me crying, he calls me names and claims that i don’t care about him or love him, he has cut me and my brother out of his will, tries to guilt trip me about things out of my control/things i never did, spends all of his free time trashing my mom despite my pleas that he stops, etc. in regards to his ptsd, he was diagnosed right around the same time my mom found out he was cheating. he went to two, maybe three therapy appointments and took meds for about a month then claimed he was “fine” and quit all of his treatment cold turkey. this was when every interaction with him began to go downhill. i tried in the beginning to bring up the idea of going to therapy again, asking if he’s feeling better or worse without his meds, etc. and always get the same response that he doesn’t have ptsd and has no issues, yet his flip in behaviour says otherwise. forgive me if this isn’t correct in terms of symptoms of ptsd, i’m only going off of what i know, which is admittedly not a lot (hence me asking for advice). in short, i don’t know how to have a relationship with this angry and belittling man who is a polar opposite of the dad i had when i was growing up. i don’t know if it’s worth fighting for this relationship anymore and if any of you have been in similar situations i would really appreciate the input.",7.9237228735345475,5.6480065805687225,8.00385881766027,77.23823522075331,63.76303317535545,11.443452232476929,34.769768021950604,9.93914555978268,3.0399744075829385,1635,53,344,27,19,534,207,422,0.077,0.8220000000000001,0.10099999999999999,0.7974,0,0,0,0,4,0,36.0,0,1,0,6,16,16,5,1,22,0,34,3,0,2,5,59,62,29,1,9,9,9,1,0,1,3,2,2,0,1,16,22,0,1,9,0,3,10,11,6,0,5,19,4,41,11,67,39,14,58,0,0,0,1,64,23,0,10,25,231,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170741489077586,0.07334504920229798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06616807862566561,0.06884727635945014,0.0,0.0,0.05626682855345259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411400212560792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736571777363505,0.15470363743252544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683174645872169,0.07317783530192618,0.09033192086174344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689759580746902,0.0,0.08436013068477334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280125058494253,0.0,0.0,0.0908872829728097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839805393513452,0.0858722646565856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307267237739293,0.07328411205816994,0.0,0.18455653807304412,0.0,0.0,0.1394259978356045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04183641840256268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037959147737725,0.0,0.09072141516194236,0.06392561773773042,0.0,0.08645768591554018,0.0,0.14107113010929564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340470239884276,0.0,0.08636027795395522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18188951855262486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068715685655192,0.07467713056650799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312461998977516,0.0,0.1838135601664684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907163523345461,0.1320864147542008,0.0,0.0,0.12270304877815773,0.06381508618797736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939237800168983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292838336630488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868799698274693,0.0,0.0,0.08800541228418647,0.0,0.0,0.05300610810137193,0.0,0.08169691707220708,0.26649913402391284,0.0,0.07066050161187347,0.0,0.13159818854044755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06844434554141468,0.09300453458881863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691753176614269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599974999091063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189243463047571,0.0,0.05496955252195405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964940757468881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192847718558401,0.16852745640554512,0.0,0.1616521881232353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04880288203228229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670188759188881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975952907099376,0.0,0.06023655253265544,0.0,0.08432031446886096,0.05877694865109275,0.0,0.0,0.15984778972012148 ptsd,causticAnalysis,2019/06/23,"Every time I think maybe it's real, the person I thought I was relating to was abused so much worse than me She never raped me or hit me or even dated me. I only knew her for three years and we met in person maybe three times? It's half midnight at this point and every time I think it's ok because I'm not faking it, it turns out actually everyone else had much worse trauma than me. Does anyone else sometimes wish they were less ok because then they wouldn't feel guilty for not being completely ok? I just either want to stop faking it or I want to be so broken that I'd never be able to fake that",5.257570303712036,4.5599697401574835,5.980202474690668,84.50188976377956,68.13385826771653,8.516985376827899,25.229471316085487,7.447530270364453,1.0350211473565798,475,9,103,4,7,156,79,127,0.156,0.6829999999999999,0.161,-0.6057,0,0,0,0,2,0,6.0,1,0,2,0,4,8,1,0,1,3,8,1,0,0,2,24,20,8,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,5,0,3,7,1,17,3,11,8,4,13,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,3,9,67,26,0,0.1484892737305427,0.17593550822496554,0.14490411132576092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382715273997747,0.15214480858746948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103536607705747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568817837981752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299439640931554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480874689488567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807576486332964,0.0,0.2502172348156882,0.14188786441756202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508063840162954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983548675544789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831340317352385,0.0,0.22904816394870284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293278385501672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593102126464467,0.0,0.0,0.14037035965019953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690133019445044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468596885804046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241436817482758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19029186174489246,0.0,0.11788389692922188,0.259755868894161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615136900504898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751656417413936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075533662100745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026465114499595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562222387039557 ptsd,ColdShelter7,2019/06/23,"Resources for PTSD other than psychiatry/counseling? (Tucson/Phoenix, AZ) Hi--I'm new to this community so bear with me if I make mistakes. &#x200B; I recently moved across the country to Arizona for work and health reasons. Before I left, my counselor back East encouraged me to find help for PTSD I had developed over the past few years. Unfortunately I don't qualify for free counseling, and with the insurance I have there is going to be a wait of a few months before I can be assigned a counselor. I should mention that I'm not a veteran so I don't qualify for groups designed specifically for veterans. &#x200B; I'm wondering if there are any PTSD support groups or places in Tucson that could help me. There aren't any specific meetup groups, and the ones I've found seem to be connected to the free counseling I don't qualify for. I would be willing to pay a fee if necessary and I also don't mind driving to Phoenix if I have to. &#x200B; Thanks for your help.",4.645963963963965,6.654516443243246,5.4210810810810806,78.16315315315315,71.05405405405405,9.257657657657658,32.873873873873876,9.725611199111238,3.450863063063064,782,38,141,20,15,254,102,185,0.068,0.8390000000000001,0.094,0.6701,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,0,1,7,6,0,0,10,0,19,1,0,2,0,24,29,12,0,8,6,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,5,0,4,3,6,1,0,1,2,0,18,7,24,19,2,15,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,7,6,95,22,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996331723456304,0.0,0.36566935353859575,0.4100862578559163,0.15300279687956875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650277491784858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145227320271813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981920830415956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281965646767392,0.0,0.0,0.12334647796492845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393428721856093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957839508372275,0.0,0.0,0.22621186359767445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222764982380888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509220952950592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358927821264203,0.0,0.08979354002504633,0.11956585226728662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864970818570976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623046088332729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739052727403696,0.0,0.0,0.1175347771142316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945067566589404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566501847577597,0.1110766070333181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241248246224822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276595628440284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357155555345599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199752912241392,0.08189870700748628,0.0,0.0,0.07991420315364624,0.0,0.4100862578559163,0.07244398262990143 ptsd,guntergo,2019/06/23,"Coming back from emotional numbness I grew up in a home with domestic violence. As a teenager I told my abusive, addict of a father that I was not happy with life in general. His response was to make my depression seem like first world problems. And I believed him. My parents told me I best focus on school and stop whining. So I did. I focused on academics, but in the meantime I closed off all my emotions and slowly felt more and more numb. I felt disconnected from my self. I got cut off from friends and lost all connections. I was an alcoholic and dissociative but I did good in school so I didn’t care. This winter I had a change of heart. I realised was becoming my father and that wealth and success wouldn’t make me whole. I dropped out of school and started in therapy. It’s nice to feel SOMETHING again even though I feel very sad and scared at times. I try to feel it instead of shutting off like I’m used to.",2.6894021215043398,4.8415335300546465,3.632279009964641,88.1940694310511,77.08743169398906,6.71025393764063,27.70459659273545,7.724431198458867,1.6762249437479912,728,31,146,11,17,233,110,183,0.168,0.652,0.18,0.7421,1,0,2,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,0,4,7,19,1,1,6,0,9,6,1,3,2,33,26,16,0,2,3,3,5,2,1,1,5,0,1,1,5,15,1,1,6,0,1,2,3,9,0,1,14,5,28,10,27,11,6,26,0,4,0,0,9,16,0,1,9,102,33,5,0.0,0.1540467927500819,0.0,0.14173579668117894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894674562751694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997369004434292,0.0,0.0,0.1435916118352373,0.0,0.14648264684168244,0.13644296740801648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255919673377015,0.0,0.1375388787997442,0.1119966122705044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198193104602792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292499278701081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587383624906719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19721882740027413,0.0,0.2496700286510199,0.0,0.0,0.11059089213070594,0.0,0.0,0.10044944773364492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905061024973886,0.10398506022569824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840363485298526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406867899752266,0.0,0.0,0.13041588109601068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183360520382212,0.12703775260278213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192698706812729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357235735795265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436653175536487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244070205692706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016793117361122,0.394747075785684,0.0,0.11836098654726432,0.13563424495471782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009207956316024,0.0,0.0,0.09202545223317153,0.0,0.0,0.10869855782071766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868375170281026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773930786908738,0.0,0.07581292884888702,0.0,0.0,0.2484702566776375,0.0,0.0882718098678684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229141831383553,0.0,0.10727618484019416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515736631691048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Starshine63,2019/06/23,"Forgot my sleeping pills I hate driving, I’ve been hit by a semi. Last night I was at some grad parties in the town I graduated from, we moved two weeks after grad, so when I got home I was exhausted cause it was an hour one way and people are exhausting. I forgot my pills and had nightmares all night. Woke up covered in sweat and confused. Been grumpy all day because of it and it really sucks cause I don’t want to feel so shitty right now. My dads on oxy for pain and he’s being extremely irrational and moms struggling to hold it all together and I’m just making it worse.",0.9856416464891034,3.410976813559323,2.59714285714286,91.45457627118643,85.94915254237291,5.744309927360775,20.292978208232448,7.1686216300943375,0.5883249394673125,456,14,95,7,14,149,85,118,0.23600000000000002,0.733,0.031,-0.9783,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,5,7,2,2,3,0,9,7,2,3,3,22,20,10,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,5,8,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,7,0,2,10,1,11,0,12,8,4,19,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,2,9,58,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214072312241672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4116603618898687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921893262928905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131062969170733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025029763432647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781908350020552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098256149986574,0.0,0.19731929191594366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332432278786574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337452796936956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346652178594475,0.0,0.21295642322283595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760582015548127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577259712958414,0.0,0.2132026244073912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890795236026138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283590324961411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111072567799682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20050983063793645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094651371175016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572761717102588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818054456491832,0.15904051343923248,0.16072082091647547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20418918446708653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,StegtFlaesk69,2019/06/23,"How do I make my SO understand my triggers without telling him too much? First; thank you all for “listening”. So, I’ve been together with my SO for 2 years, and we’re now engaged. We’ve been living together sporadically because he’s been working abroad. He knows my condition and works in medicine, so he has some basic knowledge about PTSD. However, I find it hard to make him understand some of the little things that triggers my anxiety. Tonight I am sleeping on the couch, because we just had an argument. I cannot sleep with the windows open. It gives me high anxiety and I just can’t relax. (!!) He claims that he can’t sleep with the windows closed because it gets too hot for him. (We live in Scandinavia. Not Africa, for God’s sake..) He will toss and turn until I wake up to an argument about the damn windows. I’ve tried explaining that open windows triggers my anxiety, but I don’t feel that he believes me or respects it, as I seem pretty normal and usually don’t tell him about flash backs and such. He will try to trick me by saying, he closed the windows when I can clearly feel, that it is open. I just feel so angry and guilty at the same time... I get that he sleeps better with fresh air in the room, but my entire system just acts like it’s in danger when the windows are open. - How do I solve this? Do I really have to “learn” to sleep with the windows open? . . . TL;DR: I can’t sleep with the windows open. It triggers my anxiety. My SO thinks it’s too hot and tries to trick me into sleeping with open windows. How do I make him understand the reality of this and how do I solve this?",2.918755369789853,4.7166798213166174,3.887997213514456,88.23105073725765,75.23824451410658,7.233762916521537,26.548357134564032,8.045849151850463,1.5695906420527108,1249,47,259,20,27,402,145,319,0.099,0.807,0.094,0.7533,1,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,2,1,0,4,25,10,4,0,14,0,23,8,8,11,2,67,42,26,0,1,9,0,6,1,0,2,0,2,11,0,18,28,0,0,13,1,0,1,8,4,0,1,4,8,37,6,34,36,5,33,0,0,0,0,24,21,1,4,11,167,55,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28976639065914944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281479261974998,0.0,0.17317601395706786,0.0,0.0,0.10668910537800767,0.0,0.08375024243791745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364227239678468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654973172869647,0.08054772083093834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989487066155019,0.09084030074614866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848283329583372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005071778223136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204202615739801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046263309909576125,0.09490950552864348,0.1672352596107667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962941949928985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961189549910153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278122726450028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633910031538476,0.0,0.0,0.11069366541706063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066419409462239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530545382478092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620698791737505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6633453784287229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553562326053042,0.08718265218765514,0.0,0.0,0.06291130820449824,0.0606768847059108,0.0,0.0,0.055217554634414905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287555136300205,0.10300122621910104,0.0,0.2957432462254442,0.0,0.0,0.10429342590796577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128282995621798,0.0,0.13787852175237694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098062838740938 ptsd,kaoskfnci829,2019/06/23,"I feel like I’ve dulled everything around me down I went through sexual abuse, physical abuse, I was forced to sell drugs, it doesn’t really matter to me anymore. I was young and it affected me growing up but now nothing affects me much anymore. I don’t feel positively or negatively towards the things I went through, I don’t feel towards them at all. I don’t know if it’s good or bad that i’ve normalized what I had to go through to the extent that I have, and I don’t know if it’s good that I don’t panic when I think about it like I used to. I just feel apathetic constantly. I want to talk about my shit to people who want to hear but I don’t need to, so what’s the point, and why do I feel guilty for not knowing?",2.7537771260997097,3.4945242838709696,4.3699706744868045,88.82950146627567,73.90322580645163,8.217008797653959,26.34897360703813,8.575989854853784,1.5133870967741934,564,19,133,10,11,190,80,155,0.193,0.664,0.14300000000000002,-0.878,0,0,1,0,2,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,7,8,1,1,3,0,12,2,1,3,1,30,29,11,0,6,8,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,12,4,0,0,9,0,1,4,9,4,0,0,5,6,24,4,21,24,3,15,0,1,0,0,4,7,1,4,6,89,36,0,0.0,0.35557022018763595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29761922439960303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357661031615126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528576178793618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215110534929908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401075031262525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348555654409264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3793497884201896,0.10719598902279433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527706306694789,0.2517102031523801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691176324252044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24739121922980575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661402830501205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103042609469479,0.11126042182821057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701746920960668,0.14397734293273975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605173750748926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402600891554857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184606675537645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612608660592917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15402451219007698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060477514929024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996867748960004,0.0961461956474816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959531199006807,0.0,0.0,0.17700715003947595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781963269363409,0.13539708814383086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mosa1217,2019/06/23,"You are still my focus..even through all the flashbacks & anxiety I now experience Your desire was to appear powerful & strong But I know the pain that lives within you I focused on your words, cutting me down again & again I focused on your fists, wondering what I had done to deserve it I stood in the middle of the road awaiting the assertion of your dominance over me I know your desire was to make me feel weak, powerless & unworthy I told myself that it would only be me, I would stay to protect others from your words & actions I gave you permission to shatter my life – I allowed this My mistake was that when I gave you permission to take out your frustrations and anger on me what you saw was affirmation What went wrong? I asked myself so many times.. I no longer can see the light and I am in awe of your darkness You have brought pain & shame to my life, but yet I am still the one that is sorry My focus is still on you I pray that you can see the light. I pray for you to be happy. I pray that you can learn to love.",3.445693127962084,4.778349976303318,4.205257701421804,88.40134626777254,72.9336492890995,7.5498815165876785,25.50977488151659,8.07648339933343,1.3320353080568723,819,26,174,12,16,262,107,211,0.12300000000000001,0.7240000000000001,0.152,0.9094,3,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,18,0,2,9,12,3,1,8,0,19,6,0,2,1,21,37,6,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,13,3,0,1,5,0,0,4,1,9,0,1,13,6,49,3,25,20,1,26,3,0,3,1,23,12,0,2,9,130,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7402511083354439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710818183059756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645056554173343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11652579382037248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520828551164799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138408032884642,0.0,0.0,0.05757473415757008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121387072638505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515699331559316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085569951017625,0.0,0.0,0.10054692243309607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276969454329493,0.0,0.07600731479635335,0.11544358194698368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715943736018976,0.08660122165378112,0.2423256959177024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18147501005003608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746513306520174,0.0,0.121367403812055,0.27280374678838354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561404748441266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639694518600575,0.0,0.0,0.10880509606654036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555613879261508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348424235327746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177614252813394,0.12449603022340495,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Singmeloetta,2019/06/23,"A nightmare/hallucination? So last night I woke up at four AM, swearing that I could hear voices talking about how they wanted to ""capture me."" The sound of footsteps got closer and closer to my room when all of a sudden the door looked like it had come open and that someone was about to come around to my bedside. The ""nightmare"" suddenly stopped when I realized that the person was actually just a shadow of my open closet door. &#x200B; It felt really weird, because I wasn't physically harmed or touched during the event....I'm only afraid of footsteps walking through the door because it felt the same as the police coming in through my front door to tell me my dad had died. &#x200B; Needless to say, I'm kind of scared...I don't typically have nightmares or vivid visual hallucinations. On top of my usual citalopram and mirtazapine, I also took ibuprofen for leg pain, but I doubt meds had anything to do with it.",7.447368421052634,7.8451447602339215,7.019350877192983,75.19428947368422,63.38596491228071,8.945263157894738,35.228654970760225,8.548686976883017,2.906108304093568,738,31,128,9,10,231,110,171,0.07400000000000001,0.8959999999999999,0.03,-0.7367,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,1,9,7,0,2,11,0,11,3,1,1,1,24,23,12,1,2,4,1,3,1,0,0,2,4,6,1,7,10,0,1,3,0,0,6,2,5,0,1,11,9,15,2,25,11,2,25,0,0,2,0,7,11,0,3,9,84,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.13942027820969258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425289681520215,0.0,0.30959865422626465,0.3472047966838326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756964058764235,0.12718437806271732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418416132800058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692089474575724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140698793002676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827625641967793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27435475240775586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426599983373888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102460489550324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487768714207623,0.0,0.11645792435973733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979894893690047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997461716024148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586960975680228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407359309370115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865889173195846,0.15202349951747748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247483651740766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152602773525943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361576887731507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105308545971236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944551806683708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483330264521348,0.12487446896669332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15873356211055525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735085802621535,0.0,0.08426828707938384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472047966838326,0.0 ptsd,sleepy_beans102,2019/06/23,"What is this? This is a throwaway account because I'm not comfortable with friends reading about this. I have PTSD from 2 serious car accidents in the last 5 years. Probably unsurprisingly, I have issues with driving, especially on interstates; I'll do it but my anxiety gets really heightened and I almost always collapse with relief at the end. In the last two weeks though, suddenly, my anxiety hasn't been that bad? I don't know if it's because I've been doing more interstate driving lately and I'm gaining confidence or if it's because I've been in trauma therapy for approx 2 years and it's finally working. But also, I'm the opposite of anxious in the car now - like, too nonchalant. It feels like a dream, almost - my vision is clear but there's no car/interstate noise (I turn the music up semi-loud to help me though) and everything doesn't feel like it's actually happening. Like there are no consequences. Sometimes I get super sleepy too, and I have to physically hurt myself to stay present and not fall asleep (I never have though). Is this is because of the PTSD? or am I experiencing a physical health problem (the sleepiness)? Moments like this have been happening during the day too but overall, my anxiety has reduced so much that I'm almost anxious about the fact that my anxiety is gone, haha. I really want it to stop because the near-sleep moments are scary but I don't know if I bring to my therapist or doctor. Also, does anyone else have PTSD from car accidents? I've never met someone else impacted by their accident, the only people I know of with PTSD have experienced sexual assault, abusive childhood, etc. I feel shitty and pathetic to have PTSD from my accidents because I don't believe they were traumatic enough (especially since I was really fucked up for a while, I drove but was terrified of life 24/7), so many people I know have been in accidents and were fine, hell, even people I was in the accident with were fine. Anyway, any insight and help would be appreciated. Thanks.",4.955163572060124,6.939413132625997,6.0563580901856735,74.02413041556146,70.19363395225464,9.695101679929266,31.66480990274093,10.047579312681364,3.5849265075154744,1609,72,274,44,30,535,184,377,0.239,0.606,0.154,-0.9914,0,0,0,0,0,2,53.0,0,0,2,3,17,21,3,0,17,1,39,5,1,0,4,47,62,29,0,6,14,0,3,5,1,1,3,0,0,0,16,14,0,1,8,2,1,9,11,8,0,1,14,5,30,13,33,46,4,39,1,1,0,1,6,10,2,9,24,183,46,3,0.0,0.09354529511301103,0.07704583340688823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23717728684754996,0.0,0.0,0.12627588708493176,0.06569444871487352,0.0,0.0,0.0536901164173068,0.0,0.2415924762539689,0.1783867373428541,0.0,0.05520512454703352,0.08089572800181219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06592168238232242,0.2887707021128874,0.0,0.0,0.08895194884044655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091755496955035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081079129122339,0.06909149035284863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319086506800313,0.0,0.06992810167369329,0.08157859570973215,0.08805243044135315,0.0521470990145045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095703155425324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976161971077988,0.11280675218275295,0.0,0.08648813585066309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060998175063776486,0.07298991844975983,0.08249839810265022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963411324884262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839223606885202,0.0,0.0,0.10583981939532676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451982612028304,0.0,0.0,0.0824054508914439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17355997622828676,0.1287129527261054,0.08906137625126573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576618342207399,0.19285997205084005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004500910270129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058038857343338426,0.0,0.12178541050552012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060046608556943534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420627742613333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512368724499704,0.07554647029986065,0.4614537364547801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897343766285587,0.0,0.1517361572327172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530996991831414,0.0,0.07900909035312878,0.0,0.06689583449038339,0.0,0.07808561811690833,0.0,0.0,0.08415240396273062,0.0,0.0660074675244566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268846045426987,0.09028857520009384,0.09166944095114804,0.0,0.0,0.232710029962098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587718279839822,0.0771247022675523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656797770864493,0.0,0.06333058993176519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057478048811354925,0.0,0.0,0.05608528678195057,0.0,0.0,0.10168509178807428 ptsd,ezw_,2019/06/23,"Medical ID questions I've started having crippling flashbacks in public. My flashbacks generally involve me being unresponsive, in the fetal position, hyperventilating. Friends of mine have confirmed that if they did not know about my condition, they would've called an ambulance. &#x200B; Thus, I've been considering a medical ID bracelet that lists conditions, symptoms, and a request for people not to call an ambo. What should be written on it?",9.742602739726028,11.974654493150688,8.854684931506856,57.58312328767127,58.863013698630134,11.31945205479452,46.1068493150685,11.20814326018867,6.242695342465752,370,23,46,10,5,116,60,73,0.0,0.956,0.044000000000000004,0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,7,3,0,1,0,9,10,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,6,1,7,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,2,1,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26219090230369424,0.2940385485660873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4941879634279794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18695719320449505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298875734541707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4875493346322829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677620939864222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27107884544767585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127839566135744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25151531488602524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17189936888865126,0.0,0.2940385485660873,0.0 ptsd,meowsterreturns,2019/06/23,"Has anybody else had brain damage lessen the severity of their flashbacks? I used to get pain from flashbacks until I one day overdosed on DXM and got brain damage so bad I got dementia. It gave me brain damage and at the same time I'd still get flashbacks but they wouldn't hurt anymore - I'd just twitch without feeling the pain. I know other people who have gotten alcohol poisoning and the same thing happened to them. As soon as they'd gotten alcohol poisoning they'd still get flashbacks but they wouldn't hurt anymore because of the brain damage acquired. Wondering if anyone else has any interesting experiences with this or articles about this?",6.2771615312791775,8.297305773109244,5.828851540616245,76.82284780578901,66.89915966386555,8.650233426704013,32.54995331465919,9.150863307647796,3.1054194211017743,533,23,86,10,9,164,73,119,0.23199999999999998,0.69,0.078,-0.9656,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,6,1,6,12,2,0,5,0,8,11,4,1,0,18,21,11,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,3,11,0,1,6,1,11,1,13,11,2,8,0,6,0,0,8,2,0,3,6,56,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27699167986741585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812789689850285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25704348780181585,0.09061465776188428,0.1327836639701339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820500337921564,0.07899888086574508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5786759863108412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357696600624122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165171682027348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267671272857402,0.0,0.0,0.06552627298126679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312147209104625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729522223028185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459893884623047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27746464411862143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122109575936134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781578290414004,0.0,0.2757928444380154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984368603102598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464035566101306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069867745974084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860960388519063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556690307024846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119270136661777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492332934606765,0.14053842005038386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ctrlaltfkdel,2019/06/23,"After all these years, nightmares about what happened I don't know where to post this. I'm still afraid to sleep. It was so long ago and I was so young, I don't even know if the nightmares have anything to do with what happened, as my memories have been creeping out recently, as I have been trying to process what happened. So many of my fears are hitting me hard and I don't know how to process all this info, stuff that happened when I was about 3 - 5 yo. (50/f) Is my subconscious making new shit up? I just want the memories, and/or my overactive imagination, to STFU. I can't handle this. I'm afraid to sleep, my entire life, afraid to sleep.",2.2469743589743643,4.263792492307697,2.976538461538464,93.01762820512822,77.92307692307693,6.17948717948718,23.91025641025641,7.1686216300943375,0.7837179487179493,504,17,109,6,12,158,75,130,0.066,0.9229999999999999,0.011000000000000001,-0.7579,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,11,5,1,4,2,0,15,5,4,2,2,16,27,10,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,5,1,14,0,17,21,2,13,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,9,72,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437677118057319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334648954587398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10712203171533632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250384347020346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5736806146713896,0.0,0.1452864038369544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26739882413499505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455645629531735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352911550287414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826011962407388,0.1644307001884988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15663982294573256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532893271883064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16013867270929386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16648114502938144,0.0,0.0,0.4869080606144714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295215964425524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18566366181410046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011334801452577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566124442774886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444218214774724 ptsd,b12three,2019/06/23,"I think I had a mild panic attack. Woohoo my first, hopefully my last. 🎶 About a week ago 🎶 I was studying queitly as I usually do, only problem is im trying to work diligently without the assistance of adderall/vyvanse for my adhd. Then I realize I've been staring at the screen for 10 minutes, blanked out like a small child from a horror film. 4th time, 6th time, 8th time i had no clue how many times it happened i just knew i was fucking tired of it. Pacing, i do that when i get stressed. Around the house in a circular fashion, driving my cat insane with curiousity. 1 laps 2 laps 3, 4 laps 5 laps 6, .... i just kept going but instead of getting better like usual i started breathing harder, i started sweating, becoming even more restless than before. I picked up my speed and started marching around, breathing even harder, scratching my head, holding it, i didnt know what to do with my hands. After ten minutes i was sweating through my shirt, and trembling with every step. I felt like I was marching in the night with over 100 pounds on my back. The air was burning my throat and only getting hotter with every breath, my heart beating loud enough for me hear, I was terrified and i didnt even know why. I finally got the bright idea to sit down on couch as I was passing it. Then I just sat there, trying to take in all the air I can, thinking id suffocate otherwise. I dont know why but i just started chanting ""im home"". I was struggling to breathe yet i used all that i could to speak. ""im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home, im home"" Tears blocked my eyes before i able to breathe again, well that and the hands i had over them. After finally being able to breathe again without that insane pressure over me I was feeling a bit of a euphoria. Really lightheaded and most importantly clear. I just sat there, for almost 30 minutes pondering what the hell is wrong with me. I got back to America a year and a half ago. Then I went back to studying.",3.037960018173557,2.8917828329979898,4.979280846368535,87.91879729992861,72.78269617706238,7.942078276108263,29.311936132926586,7.601502580125103,1.5569617576426302,1736,66,412,19,31,603,200,497,0.11699999999999999,0.797,0.086,-0.9253,0,0,0,0,0,0,92.0,0,0,1,4,23,18,3,6,18,0,24,17,15,3,3,50,52,16,0,3,9,0,5,3,0,0,1,3,42,1,10,16,0,3,11,1,0,5,6,11,1,3,23,12,51,7,48,27,6,57,1,0,4,1,4,17,2,3,37,192,61,1,0.032205416672707175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019352326189820482,0.0,0.02854815871670582,0.0,0.01612453636745813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028669648783548194,0.0,0.01831915539505571,0.0,0.037145966249367716,0.0,0.0,0.017784176231960727,0.027404437547453774,0.0,0.0,0.01424153695079186,0.017579986938403774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.012856702317275677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01887225424349256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016638402236719002,0.0,0.03190706096370684,0.0,0.02713445255498725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.00814201316710993,0.0,0.015461125244778415,0.03527945977662023,0.0,0.013696955484829994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01488669438137364,0.02523900147290321,0.0,0.009151540234608978,0.0,0.025757613733966782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.014239571801826532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016526024384566292,0.0,0.018148922604265084,0.019081786910096783,0.0,0.0,0.6622455052338769,0.01599362273499354,0.0,0.01858036342914595,0.0,0.018177997683348004,0.7305349061592018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02654888213836757,0.013125856493980157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023600909741780092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01632561883305004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.015111300946289506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0244936706112496,0.0,0.018893058710379787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.015408117159627362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.010315807293680436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045590319362624115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01844559799392065,0.01683404702597346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.012107232662159151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02063593060614079,0.0,0.0,0.03755847490191181,0.01850769442854893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021865363901696425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.013907569858060529,0.035469716517990794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.012916621327029159,0.0,0.014478268651909862,0.01492737195393118,0.029060379314995888,0.0,0.0,0.031044872419515694,0.0,0.011722963451196085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017605783720298803,0.0,0.010369616220580729 ptsd,t-ro-w-y,2019/06/23,I feel embarrassed when I'm around people who know. And by that I mean even my parents. I feel as if they are constantly thinking about how ill I am in their presence. Logically I know they are not.,1.939,4.171886900000004,3.3550000000000004,88.82000000000002,80.0,7.0,25.0,8.07648339933343,1.4959999999999996,156,6,33,3,4,51,31,40,0.142,0.858,0.0,-0.6486,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,12,10,5,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,9,0,5,10,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,25,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159642224222457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38355478399502413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344288619948026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589279908826547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901220632016865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866243788486777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39410934957403104,0.0,0.0,0.24606476344097386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274257287612905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BarnOwlScreech,2019/06/23,"Flashbacks to memories that you aren’t sure happened I was triggered today, but I’m not sure that my flashback actually happened? Is this normal?",6.627307692307693,8.834877115384613,6.726153846153848,69.99384615384618,66.30769230769229,8.276923076923078,39.92307692307692,8.841846274778883,4.140907692307692,119,7,17,2,2,38,22,26,0.0,0.809,0.191,0.6072,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,6,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.31674582566131043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5740546962210595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180220623724587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6118305757453142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076663811666901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,idontknowwhatitshoul,2019/06/23,"My trauma isn’t bad enough to justify my symptoms Does anyone else feel like your trauma isn’t serious or bad enough to justify the severity of your symptoms? I feel completely disabled by PTSD, but I don’t even think what I went through was /that bad/. It makes me worry that there’s more trauma there that I’m repressing. Or maybe I’m still in denial about the severity of what I’ve gone through? A large part of myself worries that I’m “faking it” for attention, even when I’m having panic attacks or flashbacks alone in my room.",6.563714285714287,6.5318855142857135,6.631190476190479,78.68964285714289,65.28571428571429,10.047619047619053,32.73809523809524,9.725611199111238,2.9790952380952382,429,16,81,8,6,137,67,105,0.33,0.655,0.015,-0.9887,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,7,12,1,2,3,0,5,2,0,1,0,10,15,5,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,8,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,11,0,0,3,2,10,1,12,12,4,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,3,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104308858995706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872380440561503,0.15932019682385598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689489470572714,0.0,0.0,0.389488629555669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303067750326772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360723256192565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989383190074674,0.0,0.0,0.3213301430403629,0.0,0.2054023440792288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572431185640014,0.11108370246951443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596566460442729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379229176764627,0.0,0.15621287595497338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243666583797716,0.0,0.1683829662684699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176213239698494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513239920851241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241763206512043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232319926188256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963316247410617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441428839419401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158198780434749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Alfie_Solomons_irl,2019/06/23,"My experiences and how to cope . So. Dont know if anyone will read this but here it goes>> A social worker Ive been seeing for awhile has suggested that i have described signs of ptsd. But i always thought ptsd was something thatd send someone into full on re-experience of an event like strawberry from cheech and chong. I know that's a horrible example. I dont know where to start or how i can convey something thats hard to explain but is just there in my head. Ive been exposed to violence and violent people in one shape or form throughout life. I lived in a pretty shitty environment. I cant say when it all started but I feel like ive been like this to an extent forever but that it's just gotten worse. Present day, i get this crazy feeling at the start of my day most days where i just feel like something fucked up is going to happen. I dont know what or why. Its just a feeling. In stressful situations that most people would handle differently, i literally cannot function sometimes. When stress gets really high or if something violent is about to actually occur, ive damn near fainted from my body jumping into hypervigilant mode. I used to enter violent situations willingly. Some may say ive gone soft lol but i cannot control this. I find myself daydreaming about violent things that happened in the past. I may be walking in the grocery store when i have one of these flashbacks. My past is a blur and i have to really think back to remember specific occurrences. All i know is it made me the way i am today. Anyways..when i come out of these flashbacks, ill have tightness in the chest, dizziness, cant breath well and often cant even remember what the hell i i was flashing back about. I also have very insane dreams with a lot of gore and death in them. These days, ive landed a few jobs around seemingly normal individuals, not ones involved in crime, streets, drugs etc. I cant help but feel like i cant trust anyone. Ive made friends with so many people who seemed genuine and ended up being scum of the earth. Im all for joking around in the workplace but i always have this nagging feeling like if i let someone crack jokes on me, that it wont be in good taste and i wont realize it until someones flat out disrespecting me, taking advantage of me or making me the laughing stock. Common ghetto mentality is that if you let one person disrespect you, then everyone will and thats ended up with me getting my head bashed in by groups of scumbags because they thought i was weak. I try to get along with people and most of me believes theyre genuine but that feeling like im waiting to jump on someone if they say the wrong thing is debilitating. Feeling like everyone is watching and looking for weakness is an issue i dont know how to cope with. Ive tried. Ive TRIED. people seem to like me but im guarded. And people notice something off about me but dont know what it is. Im constantly looking for signs that someones trying to backstab me. Honestly...the ways im affected by whatevers wrong with me manifests itself in more ways than i can think of at the momen. Maybe id go into detail if this post picks up at all, if anyone can relate and/or would have any words for a guy who doesnt know what to ro anymore...from the outside, lifes going goos. Im doing whats expected of a man, but im just not at peace and fear ill never be. Thanks",3.94216386554622,5.4031385595238115,5.036323529411764,82.42338235294119,71.88690476190476,7.830112044817928,28.2062324929972,8.374686772538922,1.9804124299719887,2680,101,521,43,51,882,299,672,0.192,0.7190000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.9981,2,0,6,0,0,0,67.0,0,2,3,3,29,33,8,3,24,1,67,15,5,10,5,121,117,48,1,11,31,0,11,9,1,9,8,3,0,3,39,28,1,4,28,4,1,10,18,15,1,4,12,19,65,18,83,89,15,78,1,0,4,1,21,40,3,24,33,350,104,4,0.0,0.0,0.04931147879639236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04041004200447484,0.08409255300636535,0.0,0.0,0.0343631695604601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599845085106947,0.0,0.0,0.08996754048416503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771124665889766,0.0,0.030803548408770694,0.0,0.0,0.056931724211205674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05612913236714323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043528434117284936,0.0,0.05460662649148405,0.05667540167549484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035461211692967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279468817039065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961128527415359,0.0,0.05860052589438295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951186457400323,0.0,0.056356007387823336,0.03337559545584996,0.0,0.0,0.09657007456417334,0.0,0.09885905469023673,0.0,0.056862013829104975,0.2044020573157255,0.2165983878312769,0.0,0.0,0.04618489807252333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03904053059418426,0.046715580282942995,0.10560254406726853,0.0,0.08615468987071599,0.04238344542280053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05003415395651567,0.0893697207266208,0.0,0.045266320681660664,0.0,0.10371984526813983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033870215812734916,0.05338933016383997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382079025111096,0.05274178323025695,0.050144741070983725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22216643546407164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334381513625614,0.07138382050722226,0.22218435447404253,0.0,0.04462026204463872,0.0,0.08486750802927671,0.0,0.0,0.042960095231314534,0.0,0.09562830084619317,0.03373018508626472,0.05123103475666988,0.050765708407465984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092389170375355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038973026978224516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049510165296489314,0.0,0.05753047573244721,0.0,0.0,0.13696587547050754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647611607543703,0.2101931800716784,0.044122178230873964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04839523240923019,0.05140872697805713,0.0,0.0,0.11813729638322805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0505451991962224,0.0,0.06474357724630474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448473378834463,0.0,0.0,0.1205540897609551,0.0,0.0,0.040267082805911375,0.13800600662462092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113599101784497,0.0,0.05151052579369173,0.2140759842663077,0.19450818210483006,0.04997696996461931,0.0,0.10729941969056986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576738151218514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03799341780946647,0.0,0.0,0.046522638771439084,0.0,0.0,0.06714179926384416,0.06475712124181178,0.0,0.08023277228888387,0.0,0.0,0.04789797687021945,0.0,0.0,0.1372303530384172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043643012988684386,0.0,0.04169379992398089,0.0,0.12032871665016415,0.0,0.0,0.045433909250705146,0.0,0.04559684131895235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05149594064524528,0.0717922905793496,0.11049657926192456,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wasteofspaceinUK,2019/06/23,"I just realised PTSD is what I have. I never took my diagnosis seriously last year. I've been treating my OCD with CBT which I learnt from books but as for PTSD, it's clearly affecting me to this day, just less. It's great knowing the problem because then you're half way to fixing it",4.172758620689656,5.069837482758626,5.120172413793104,84.17956896551725,70.72413793103449,7.868965517241381,30.017241379310345,8.07648339933343,1.9130206896551725,226,9,47,3,4,74,47,58,0.08199999999999999,0.7709999999999999,0.147,0.708,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,9,5,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,7,2,6,3,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,30,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434800718830426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18445169488915109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3153251643208689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718268384731404,0.2331349403826939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220587235521696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736713201966475,0.6686568029664172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177657488129767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270200787377348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417997031166985 ptsd,6cj6alt6,2019/06/23,"anyone else do this? I keep purposely triggering myself and I dont know why. It feels like the only way I can validate my stupid trauma to myself. I feel like im over exaggerating but as soon as I badly trigger myself Im like ""oh okay my ptsd is real.."" Not sure if i make any sense, im very dissociated at the moment. But i was just wondering, does anyone else purposely trigger themselves? :/",1.0080769230769209,3.5484454487179486,3.941743589743592,80.69492307692309,88.10256410256409,6.70974358974359,20.620512820512825,7.908726449838941,1.3969805128205128,307,10,58,7,10,109,54,78,0.18600000000000005,0.684,0.13,-0.6861,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,4,1,17,11,6,0,1,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,12,5,5,10,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,5,33,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190888841966452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301333852625516,0.3372297026967946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740372885058347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440107118514815,0.0,0.19286730892956308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749435362703317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641659746090315,0.23512853175589546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5332707688689123,0.0,0.0,0.14627168538295054,0.0,0.0,0.0904398486626771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411923817609749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984747820052047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515803029274458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19236603736291796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730939982674824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509924171855394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578220121037404,0.0,0.13062292271567305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484930491779544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784622000705151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,glasssharkglassshark,2019/06/23,Don't know when it'll get easier Just really tired of dealing with the events and the memories and their lasting effects all the time. Tired of feeling like everyone else has moved on and no one can understand or sympathize with how I'm feeling now. It feels impossible sometimes.,7.978782051282046,8.38619675,7.735384615384617,70.47628205128207,62.269230769230774,12.31794871794872,38.487179487179496,11.855464076750405,4.9190948717948695,229,11,39,7,3,73,43,52,0.142,0.7170000000000001,0.142,-0.2484,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,2,1,15,11,6,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,5,10,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,25,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25266999102156856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20473554364788996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23418747574514714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3717642503843789,0.17508746860970648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804584307815267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13469130305489646,0.19977549777858206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973525927886093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604846279371759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166074701632063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700655709805236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24239352603228306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14290996977559128,0.5633741110750319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25514022765187555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Tekzlot,2019/06/23,"3 weeks into PTSD diagnosis Feels surreal. A lot of things in my life have changed in that time, new job, new habits. Weekly therapy. I haven't cried this much in years, always have been stoic. Started realizing I've spent the last 3 years on autopilot. I zone out and don't come back for hours, I can't remember much from my days, trying to look back on my day is like looking through a picture book with some of them missing. But things are finally looking up, I feel good about getting treatment.",4.6299116347569935,5.947137587628866,5.020471281296022,83.74938144329897,70.03092783505157,8.429455081001473,30.3519882179676,8.841846274778883,2.348202945508101,394,16,78,7,7,125,75,97,0.024,0.892,0.084,0.6579999999999999,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,8,1,0,0,0,12,18,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,1,1,1,3,1,0,0,2,5,8,2,16,16,4,24,0,1,3,0,1,8,0,2,16,47,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399052180587956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24764548388066984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703492297706521,0.13871377172545538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688476748831933,0.2077030827691524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284401732848003,0.0,0.0,0.17640136540219473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413194437401993,0.0,0.0,0.1350649912532015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858289643339124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979821712424985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126159086743142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137408131435367,0.07867151272618503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4056759348600121,0.0,0.0,0.1369026238610783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23675232634048274,0.0,0.0,0.3110490915776609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18823638266668374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241650028090314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397842591142207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18415274868469933,0.0,0.21396341047386497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389835186070436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932933983958576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583383819251138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207397105464683 ptsd,TheIllegalSponge,2019/06/23,"Can't watch horror movies? Hi, this is my first post on this subreddit. I was diagnosed over a year ago with PTSD. I have gone through therapy so many times and I feel like I am beginning to make progress with it. I do however suffer from very bad night terrors every night since the event that are mostly unrelated to it. To make a long story short, my partner and I watched a horror movie tonight. I thought I would be ok, but didn't think about how I haven't seen one in over two years. I had to stop watching because I got so anxious I couldn't control myself. I started to burst out screaming for help and experienced flashbacks. My symptoms aren't usually to this point anymore, and my boyfriend has never seen this happen to me. Apart from feeling bad about this I also had this feeling like I was experiencing a night terror that I couldn't control and just had to sleep through and watch. This again, freaked me out so no movie for us. I'm not looking for advice, I just want to know if anyone else can't watch horror movies even if they're unrelated to our trauma. I am home alone tonight so I probably won't sleep much and it would comfort me.",3.436315789473685,5.263760174672491,3.899172603999084,88.57450471156059,73.89082969432314,6.742450011491612,27.773155596414608,7.475848149327749,1.4383659388646284,916,36,187,11,19,287,132,229,0.16399999999999998,0.718,0.11800000000000001,-0.9437,1,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,0,4,12,12,0,2,5,1,23,4,2,5,1,36,41,16,0,7,6,0,3,2,1,3,2,1,1,1,12,11,0,3,6,0,0,1,11,8,0,3,11,14,29,4,27,24,2,29,0,1,8,0,5,9,0,3,20,124,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224790791998791,0.11110478880928182,0.0,0.0,0.12981261838746525,0.0,0.10023294662116336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159653703310549,0.1243018563974214,0.08763941287089595,0.12842384043173913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20930439291106973,0.07640502880588032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811549916351883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272156769979841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470401790635267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278472656388981,0.0,0.10560287444433862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19012434302141734,0.17908332985910047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661264437917288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024444177090727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083619321835536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840115814091261,0.0,0.1257244759021615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888261977189519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246786765190824,0.0,0.0,0.11092039975900947,0.10525255580317967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732849923289606,0.12707330449059234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213802926817588,0.0,0.0966685788730673,0.0,0.0,0.3528643476306263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493243636962848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848515132673243,0.0,0.1200393888790318,0.0,0.13513582358104095,0.0,0.14651369727650124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368108876161383,0.0,0.2508575190012449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871505260281372,0.0,0.0,0.10478838235406104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302744243041805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433352027445279,0.0,0.0,0.0803116843587042,0.0,0.09950456350935144,0.07308573669120225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243724980300127,0.0,0.15076647230021056,0.0,0.1380423656027368,0.10341717590273887,0.07392774236916233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17807338157812724,0.0,0.0,0.1614274365858462 ptsd,modacation,2019/06/23,"Why I don't talk about what happened. Most people can go through their day to day life not having to consider the possibility they could be a victim of a crime. It is something that they just see on TV but I don't have that luxury. I don't go out at night. I have to constantly be aware of what is going on around me and its exhausting. Its even more exhausting listening to people try to one up me with their own stories after they ask me why I walk with a limp. Its more exhausting to listen to how they would have done some move they saw in John Wick. Its more exhausting listening to how I don't have PTSD because I was not in the military. Muggers really pick up on the limp. I've been targeted a couple times since. People like to give me advice and theorize what I am doing wrong. I pretty much just get everything delivered to my apartment now so I don't have to go out. I'm afraid to go to Dr. because I'd have to take time off from work and they require a note. They would see it was from a therapist and they would probably find a reason to let me go. They've let other people go and they can always find a reason. Someone told me management at my last job thought I was a liability because I might ""go postal"" and were happy that I left on my own accord. My eye twitches now and I stammer when I'm stressed. People think that is funny. I started having sleep paralysis which can apparently also be caused by stress. Shadow people and auditory hallucinations of someone asking for help while I am completely frozen are really funny. There really is no point to any of this.",2.8219676549865227,4.780608937106918,4.461298292902068,83.30561320754718,75.98113207547169,7.9390835579514825,23.93575920934412,8.738905477910976,1.7275306379155433,1254,40,250,27,28,421,165,318,0.109,0.8170000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.8256,2,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,11,2,13,12,1,3,12,0,40,9,2,6,0,36,66,15,0,4,5,0,2,1,0,4,7,3,0,0,16,13,0,1,6,1,0,10,8,10,0,1,9,9,37,2,43,47,8,40,0,0,4,0,20,17,0,3,14,181,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949306700699887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323825315209888,0.07620372783334994,0.0,0.0,0.06227903725264097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152757555561731,0.17123399072735046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748297931202305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408014803394564,0.0,0.0,0.09602219545549898,0.09896782424335396,0.0,0.0731209354869571,0.10133396362374876,0.0,0.1181258866386004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372038841217928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048918011089671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230817711692777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740894535396836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04784792017197015,0.08785399237989695,0.4163862032969161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098583800016633,0.09749095606190468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138561894428648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088120325132246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465171723060905,0.0,0.0,0.09950432948845328,0.1872980110689988,0.06468721706219709,0.044742437474118886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715424277862043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973373862356169,0.06732345541015322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859436918075713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205846964844205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809494019142469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657478204676225,0.103245171290107,0.0,0.09317202293997004,0.09874110251145662,0.0,0.1070546922255276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17600970941129898,0.18832351150156476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595831421849526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575774315513358,0.0,0.09164834069560043,0.0,0.1551946036358428,0.07050445272771858,0.0,0.0,0.06482235332743158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098142039299574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885841770060612,0.07361030419232832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633399420391312,0.0,0.0586821765538351,0.0,0.07270603786228785,0.10680463592133366,0.0,0.0,0.08751071784415368,0.0,0.06217830295045566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652773836307183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667293315790977,0.0,0.0,0.1951721041729135,0.10013076011563724,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kornychris2016,2019/05/16,"Wife has ptsd, is her ""plan"" helpful? My wife today was diagnosed with ptsd and severe depression. She has been feeling this way for a couple months and it has strained our relationship. Im sure I havent helped any by not knowing she had ptsd or knowing how to support her. She currently has packed some of her stuff up and is staying at her friends (female) house. She says she is so stressed out and needs to away and to heal. We have 3 kids and I work full time. She is a stay at home mother. Her plan is to stay at her friends house take her meds and try and cope with everything and heal. Then when she feels better come back home. I want to support her. I want to help her. But i also don't want to lose her or her be away for so long. Is this sort of get away a valid way for her to deal with this?",0.8477479986077299,2.82880375739645,1.8326209537069291,99.62991298294467,82.43195266272191,5.159902540898017,19.40863209189001,6.2272716619740125,-0.3147879568395409,621,16,150,5,17,194,94,169,0.066,0.767,0.166,0.9217,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,0,0,5,6,10,0,2,3,0,17,3,0,1,1,31,30,18,0,4,4,3,2,0,2,0,3,1,2,1,5,15,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,3,27,6,25,26,2,23,0,2,0,0,33,9,0,4,8,99,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797576787750515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481126172676633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100769060222703,0.0845916789294312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729580163150456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476474722667892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12172509417115973,0.0,0.0,0.11341652451539988,0.09475232486408876,0.11165886315060446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887080552592208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124974793456953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998847251820512,0.0,0.05747621409987176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212141905696762,0.0,0.22070003290024345,0.0,0.0,0.2538758788029448,0.0,0.0,0.11883077273683255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091835214125447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735628524382132,0.0,0.12307418455733783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219743596779087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780974153660903,0.0,0.0,0.08157177268392236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38579096365957743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811065819760078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748517358069281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428113204498813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35177130938924894,0.0,0.0,0.12601724445837953,0.0,0.12593629073554755,0.0,0.2496783892222952,0.10368407844707747,0.0,0.08271459123226245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414830674990929,0.0,0.1042775776988777,0.0,0.0,0.0746902569621121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466203843011207,0.17464324410321372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008932816886265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AC_southphilly,2019/05/16,"Recalling childhood memories Hi everyone, My question is: aside from EMDR, what have you tried to recover some of your childhood and/or traumatic memories? Basically, as a kid I grew up in various high stress situations that caused lasting psychological trauma. Unfortunately, I realized in therapy with my siblings a few months ago that we all have big gaps (i mean from 3-16) in our memories. We are working on processing our past but would like to access some of those memories. We can not recall on our parents for accurate memories. Does anyone have any experience trying to recall chunks of time? Thanks so much!",6.435752855659393,9.076581775700935,7.3532087227414324,63.51917964693666,67.69158878504672,11.858359293873313,36.18795430944964,11.429527900616536,5.438896988577362,498,26,74,19,9,166,81,107,0.076,0.86,0.064,0.4408,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,6,2,0,1,1,4,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,1,1,14,9,3,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,13,2,17,8,6,16,0,0,0,0,12,8,0,3,8,52,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270289257326093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478324813480983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200396440727545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233191510818484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023923098828255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077252175715986,0.0,0.2126488846273552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296842013291761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720165696089873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620564872461397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23680116251054825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351842059960382,0.0,0.15980647590677005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24138558570289645,0.0,0.20752310995592646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24352626660455734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24435518187823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490192186434787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001432701469054,0.2486041193405143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676170862822256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951867343064893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582623236050704,0.0,0.0,0.1544274377736832,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mystie-333,2019/05/16,"i am afraid to ask my mother for professional help A repressed memory of a traumatic experience recently resurfaced within the past year, and after spending time on the internet and evaluating my self and my tendencies, I think I am likely to have developed ptsd. I am not legally an adult so i can't seek help about it on my own. My family doesn't have much money and I'm afraid my mother will deny me a doctor",5.8588888888888935,6.3277692098765455,7.626765432098768,69.23644444444446,66.77777777777777,11.418271604938273,31.014814814814812,11.20814326018867,3.7621585185185182,330,12,59,10,5,116,56,81,0.12300000000000001,0.809,0.068,-0.51,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,6,0,8,1,0,0,0,7,11,5,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,12,1,9,10,2,8,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,6,44,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715798813290934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973408068702901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841664124912429,0.2738591555028325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894343415670792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192446030114908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21355218030357506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773167504195566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33958094986672005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286835389414807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030566366163913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861417639912297,0.0,0.0,0.16939388158685142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18707357492630605 ptsd,sushidonut,2019/05/16,"Just needed to type it out. It’s been well over a year since I got out of my long-term abusive relationship. I was more in love than I had ever been and maybe ever will be again. And I feel like an idiot for it. I was lied to, taken advantage of, cheated on, abused mentally, emotionally, and on a few occasions physically. It has taken a lot of therapy to be able to function like a semi-normal human. None of his feelings were even close to real, which I know and had come to terms with. Or so I thought. I accidentally came across an old picture of us and I lost it. I’ve seen pictures of him and us so many times before with no emotional attachment and for some reason today it triggered some emotions I haven’t felt in months. I’ve looked back on my memories of him and realized that he only did those things because HE was the weak one. He was powerless. He really isn’t all that great and was honestly a bit embarrassing. But right now I’m embarrassed and I feel weak. I don’t love him. I don’t want him in my life. So why do I feel like this? I had a panic attack at work. Just rocked back and forth shaking. I wasn’t even crying, which is how I know it’s bad. I know I’ll be okay. I always am. I’m not as pathetic as I feel. But right now it hurts and it sucks and I want to flop around on the floor and scream and disassociate. I needed to get it out because I NEVER talk about it. I can’t. No one will ever know that this is something that still haunts me. Except for you guys, I guess. I feel a bit better already.",0.928989485981308,2.9007253520249283,3.136517718068536,90.442066296729,82.0841121495327,6.3801012461059186,20.000097352024923,7.531066641456977,0.5307919781931472,1182,32,266,19,32,403,169,321,0.19699999999999998,0.68,0.122,-0.9769,1,0,1,0,1,0,39.0,2,1,0,4,20,25,4,4,11,1,28,5,0,3,5,61,59,24,0,4,7,0,7,3,0,2,3,1,0,2,21,24,0,0,14,1,0,3,11,14,1,2,21,10,38,11,39,33,10,37,0,2,2,2,18,18,1,5,19,186,59,2,0.09487341951616254,0.2248189766205737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469517761311163,0.0,0.07894228518862402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445745770237742,0.0,0.10793221107117547,0.0,0.14590360684247133,0.07921534243061511,0.115667911907619,0.0,0.08073029225072614,0.0,0.0,0.0839078297553869,0.20715440422285195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850991735914456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172505024650246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421399642592946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201594820275707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253259976357914,0.2574553186744272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878251092080307,0.13555517971790418,0.09109336087447002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495674459412091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587894043888742,0.10459827994916264,0.10451376772094596,0.09393960129876903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015639578107866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20855980084725487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701190194461255,0.1390510816022162,0.0,0.0,0.08395999077939989,0.07966977791229475,0.0,0.10356554465649792,0.0806579885670535,0.17125393043787998,0.0,0.0,0.09618675641737773,0.09531310175828192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561009240587623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572705831258156,0.0,0.0,0.14069487686900173,0.07317222989165413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955369435525063,0.0,0.1285773688150951,0.07215551070205879,0.0,0.11131351618203908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798672184423656,0.06077834191480218,0.09754567640832236,0.0,0.10185854717426952,0.0,0.1620427637744911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848027301863535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730381934394501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576603537859945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625566086583271,0.0,0.0,0.10849602351722937,0.0,0.06302968427135905,0.0,0.0,0.0753188976320361,0.055321453871703806,0.0,0.08992890844355188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282420844438068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119176018323457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530259798466908,0.0,0.08560850449691326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906897934473928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06109537162116535 ptsd,sophiemara15,2019/05/16,"Dreams driving me insane Me: ahhh I had a bad day that didn’t have to do with ptsd. Let me rest and get some sleep. It’s going to help and feel so great to be rested. Me: *has elaborate long dream involving people and places that traumatized me. won’t even be a “bad” dream or those people and places won’t even be doing necessarily “bad” things but they’re still there* me: *wakes up* well fuck. here’s to feeling numb and sad all day because I was reminded of that like random gymnasium or those people I haven’t seen in 7 years! Is there anyway to get rid of the dreams?? Like is that possible??? Other people rarely dream and here I am having like a 6 part book series intense experience every night.",1.7065952380952396,4.086545992857147,3.1371428571428592,89.19452380952383,81.92857142857143,6.019047619047619,17.904761904761905,7.3011,0.26360476190476234,549,12,113,8,15,179,90,140,0.142,0.653,0.204,0.7765,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,10,11,1,0,4,0,18,4,2,0,1,15,25,10,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,2,6,0,2,4,6,1,0,4,3,10,5,10,15,5,12,0,1,1,1,2,4,1,4,9,75,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39260564195064174,0.0955452008289038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021643323101643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20704614470360594,0.0,0.13205737900483985,0.0,0.0,0.15331850910145198,0.0,0.0,0.158501508956931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490049784984158,0.163776850430606,0.0,0.08907704438044202,0.0,0.0,0.17280269867899908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505726577346676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027383340042858,0.0,0.2297208153592495,0.0,0.0,0.1387069939849458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708671879606944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16973050700042874,0.0,0.4346458041415392,0.0,0.3275128577396667,0.0,0.0,0.17669701123151146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321674435899374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568498331000553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517008298792126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041288589474869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092506246990696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093325720140796 ptsd,megaharpy,2019/05/16,"Is he a psychopath or a survivor? I'm seeing someone who had a history of an abusive relationship, which I also have. I'm currently reading ""psychopath free"" by Jackson Mackenzie (recommend by my psychiatrist) and I see that there are a handful of things that he does that are in the red flag section, being super complimentary and what not. He says I'm perfect which I deny because no one is, but he says ""you are to me."" He also says he's never felt this way before despite being previously engaged twice. Is he saying this to manipulate me in the future or because it's something he wants to hear too? I've mentioned this to my psychiatrist and she says time will tell. The man and I also talk about our trust issues with the fact that we could hurt each other like we've been hurt before. I suppose I'm looking for a bystander's opinion?",3.6404965156794415,5.658942335365852,5.167595818815329,78.87792682926832,73.8170731707317,6.880836236933797,30.00696864111498,7.7094869923839395,2.1453358885017417,669,30,119,9,14,225,101,164,0.107,0.782,0.11199999999999999,-0.2908,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,2,1,0,2,6,8,0,0,10,0,13,1,1,1,3,19,23,10,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,6,0,1,14,7,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,2,0,2,3,12,13,7,13,16,2,8,0,2,4,0,24,3,0,3,5,82,27,1,0.0,0.17138759997868624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470316897795945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635562721958215,0.0,0.24617443318018745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549193082475108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265849308211577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888749721173724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630320172490154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097034464827169,0.0,0.0,0.15097790259129432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066909715088943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147028006686154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156365049543288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801915738627603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14468999137531924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553008753969774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5751607961835108,0.0,0.0,0.23053599378561826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256219308547107,0.11135928886904152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162648713826384,0.12643121584897682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609959512371533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434707202145719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531881721794397,0.11481710924860485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,organize_xiii,2019/05/16,"Its been hard lately **POSSIBLE TW** Over the past few days it's been harder and more exhausting than usual to go on social media. Ever since the anti-abortion laws have started all of my feeds have been filled with, admittedly mostly pro-choice posts, though the pro-life posts have been brutal. I had an abortion when I was 15 after I had been drugged and raped. I don't know what to do anymore",1.9936219336219343,4.6421550000000025,2.7648484848484856,90.47838383838385,83.41558441558442,4.9806637806637815,18.94516594516595,6.42735559955562,0.108865512265512,313,8,60,3,9,98,59,77,0.168,0.8320000000000001,0.0,-0.9168,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,2,0,4,0,13,4,0,0,2,9,17,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,8,1,5,0,8,9,4,14,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,8,42,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440266936663833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586891841188803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28535299187650964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225765355971261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984230882791518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22042259588307755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522885692287154,0.0,0.2775678671583863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348933558750724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773971474409624,0.4713174207829614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035444523477953,0.0,0.0,0.25082851090541103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741634565447488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24175398061336276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710017616810166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,antifda,2019/05/16,PTSD Consultant Pm me for a online or phone consultation for a new PTSD treatment protocol. I work for a PTSD clinic with a high success rate of complete remission. Let's get you assigned with a doctor in our network near you so you can feel better within 4 weeks.,4.5238235294117635,6.320358588235294,5.578578431372549,77.77610294117648,70.9607843137255,8.237254901960785,30.39705882352941,8.841846274778883,2.690917647058824,212,9,37,4,4,70,40,51,0.0,0.861,0.139,0.765,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,3,0,3,1,2,0,0,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,9,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,2,24,6,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764418247244836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23430775104788384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22873463378688536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299493458140247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675569918632772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361120606487701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285168316613695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158321339096291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7836858152064962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925699110340215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269139598287624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alilanon,2019/05/16,"Trouble with therapist My therapist has been giving me advice on how to ground and help myself, things including the listing of 5 senses (5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear and so on) and this thing she calls curious observer to basically add ""I notice that"" to awareness. So for example ""I notice that I'm feeling..."" to take away negative judgement on yourself I guess? I have been doing these things but I have tried to explain that during really bad moments (flashbacks, breakdowns etc) it's like I lose touch of reality, I lose control and rationality, I get frantic, delusional, impulsive and quite honestly a complete mess. I have tried to explain to her that I don't know if I can just change my thought process mid breakdown, I can't just make myself feel better with these things. I also hallucinate among having other disorders which makes it really difficult but she don't seem to understand why I can't just focus on thinking these things to help myself. Am I too quick to say she's not understanding and I should just trust that she knows what she is doing? If she's not understanding the severity of my situation how do I better communicate it? Does anyone know any other grounding techniques?",6.071116071428572,7.678920308035713,6.621785714285713,72.52321428571429,66.90178571428571,9.885714285714286,32.75,10.125756701596842,3.5913803571428566,975,42,163,24,16,318,129,224,0.11599999999999999,0.76,0.124,-0.2605,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,0,6,11,12,0,1,3,0,20,0,0,5,0,39,42,15,0,3,10,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,23,9,0,1,13,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,3,6,33,5,22,38,1,11,0,2,1,0,17,9,0,4,3,126,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600969151273364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675492843460497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377310609263384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585480870279067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019246566040834,0.0,0.09057993524164412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918912562214074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077469267977474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476210135453432,0.0,0.11374382015331737,0.0,0.12167446932659885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124332510942445,0.0,0.09493542178753522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209887727226138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097059355465909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056678616864921774,0.1040681132274366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950778752633122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226979326848154,0.0,0.14542960131410193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788605528465161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05299999377368726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427325690020905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448283470193292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470203967827872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538650363063492,0.0,0.0,0.13899575778667844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627114211324383,0.0,0.0,0.08644801425126737,0.09876011534409196,0.0,0.12255648318235965,0.0,0.0,0.12194100100734998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156676112044901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251917479194049,0.5045054633477334,0.06951241746225237,0.0,0.08612448877510806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730756102140533,0.0,0.0,0.33880823138670696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789028937489616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Nerdfightress,2019/05/16,"Is it PTSD if it's weak? What if the flashbacks are way rarer now, and come once in several months? What if the flashbacks don't feel like entirely re-living the trauma, although it felt like that right after the trauma? What constitutes as PTSD without traditionally strong symptoms? (I might have not been able to word it properly but I hope the questions make sense).",4.73901960784314,7.183199176470591,4.621176470588235,82.11696078431375,71.94117647058823,7.4745098039215705,27.509803921568626,8.344100000000001,2.040227450980392,296,11,52,5,6,91,52,68,0.16399999999999998,0.7829999999999999,0.053,-0.623,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,5,0,6,2,0,1,0,15,11,7,0,4,6,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,2,2,4,5,8,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,5,34,10,0,0.22316534557110115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223718479936613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283910408912005,0.15942936746653913,0.2142737287478177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22165354237527565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21805463065804567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896460107601825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367431651238104,0.0,0.0,0.17812844971326433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23766380970425055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5217366931998575,0.0,0.24999626082827514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19058198576298835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521133190051996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319542425330616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17713826382253353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21512342945661356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bluehousepinkhouse,2019/05/16,"Ptsd from death I just wanna start out by saying that I'm not formally diagnosed with ptsd so if I don't belong here I'm really sorry but I feel like the symptoms I'm experiencing are incredibly similar and I was wondering if anyone could help. I don't like going into details about this but when I was 15/16 my school friend went missing (we had a very small school, maybe 10 people per class? It was for ppl with mental health problems I had/have pretty severe depression and anxiety) it was just when we had finished secondary school so lots of us assumed she'd ran away from home. She hadn't and her body parts were later found and her step brother arrested for it. After this I completely shut myself off from my friends, I didn't even talk to my therapist about it (I was with CAMHS) I didn't let myself be sad about it at all. Now that I'm 20 i feel like everything reminds me of it. I can't watch anything true crime/murder related without feeling weird and everything remind me of what happened. Even GoT has been a bit much with beheadings etc... And I know I could just avoid watching stuff like that completely but you'd be surprised how often murder comes up in basically any TV show. I can't deal with dissociating everytime I think about it and see something that makes me think about it. I don't know what to do, I'm already on medication for my depression /anxiety (100mg sertraline). I just feel like I can't talk to anyone about it because not only is it horrible for me people never know what to say. Again sorry if this is the wrong place to put this, all in all I'm just asking if anyone has coping methods for certain triggers I guess?",2.9935460992907816,5.145774945288757,4.252957446808511,84.10383333333336,76.14285714285714,7.426180344478217,24.9484295845998,8.344100000000001,1.697988368794327,1323,46,256,25,30,434,179,329,0.16,0.7290000000000001,0.111,-0.9619,0,1,2,0,0,0,29.0,3,1,0,0,22,19,1,1,4,0,31,5,1,3,6,61,60,19,2,8,15,1,4,5,2,0,4,2,1,0,22,17,0,1,12,2,0,6,13,9,0,0,16,10,39,10,40,37,8,27,0,4,3,0,18,12,0,9,14,174,61,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037493642764232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06393433221330283,0.0,0.14384447890745072,0.0,0.0,0.19721522366800529,0.0,0.07736743354566886,0.0,0.08789258257928349,0.0,0.08833144219073273,0.0,0.0,0.05731148559651469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026414885344752,0.1044309544639495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098674840465149,0.1971486784292651,0.0,0.0,0.1501287877076923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692671383259678,0.16195226429862528,0.09542460167699987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485306636831096,0.12419380604206062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899164058422814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014993675879044,0.20149586696456726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030840593817098,0.14527357544248426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053431650168717065,0.0,0.07519345219122339,0.0,0.10356959323620207,0.0,0.08313833513949821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993496841543302,0.0,0.0,0.06301716802047708,0.0,0.09430605030073017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500675803436142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613807302447057,0.0,0.22965816329971786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992932653087936,0.0,0.0,0.06275663410871249,0.0,0.0944520458351786,0.0,0.0,0.09471156716762937,0.09474635347748296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911282437587281,0.0,0.0725111939921545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150365981557608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181052970586776,0.0,0.13035817878624248,0.0,0.098227060418413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564841285944754,0.0,0.08996093605296733,0.21980013049895133,0.09451238483477108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060229272056233726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953112732879567,0.0,0.2854486529727521,0.07491884719318777,0.0,0.0,0.10621169862139523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237836842154965,0.0,0.21048718110417985,0.06654524628683726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762621113121568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771897097339573,0.0,0.15113353867251786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091602120216158,0.0,0.12048374336851154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130900758852386,0.0,0.0,0.07757332311516503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715408507569639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062839260537278,0.10195670556602812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279210412380313,0.0,0.0 ptsd,beetlejoey,2019/05/16,"rant My parents don’t understand PTSD and it’s extremely frustrating. I moved six hours away because of college but ended up transferring to online school and staying anyways. I built a life here and have a strong support system who tries to understand my PTSD and helps me navigate around it if they can. My family doesn’t really understand that I can’t move home. My PTSD gets so bad that I don’t feel remotely comfortable leaving the house. It’s hard to when multiple abusers are from there and even worse when one has a twin. I know I would never be able to handle seeing them and I can’t live in the agony that it is completely possible where my parents live. I know the anxiety from that will get worse and my triggers will come back again. My parents won’t understand they won’t be able to touch me. They just take it personally and it’s hard because I know it hurts them but I can’t do it. They don’t really try to understand my hurt because they think I will never heal because I lack faith when their lives are extremely Catholic. I am tired of feeling like I have to explain myself to people who won’t listen to what I need. I am tired of feeling like an awful daughter because of it. My extended family lives there too and some are becoming sick and I know my parents want me close in case anything happens but I do not feel safe there. Six hours drive is not very far and there are faster modes of transportation, but they’ll never get out of the mindset that family should be close. I wish they just accepted that it won’t be good for it and that it hurts me so much every time they tell me they want me to move home. PTSD is so hard to live with and I’ve for the most part deal with it pretty well here and all the progress I’ve had will go away as soon and I move back. I know it will. I just don’t know how to get my parents to understand that.",3.699924812030076,4.919552947368423,4.359699248120304,87.97789473684212,72.15789473684211,8.270676691729324,26.203007518797,8.738905477910976,1.688063909774436,1480,48,316,27,28,472,168,380,0.157,0.7120000000000001,0.132,-0.9252,5,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,12,2,26,15,1,0,10,1,40,5,0,2,4,67,73,28,0,8,10,6,8,2,0,12,5,1,2,1,25,22,0,1,19,0,0,8,17,5,1,3,1,10,52,10,33,56,6,36,1,3,1,0,26,11,0,3,17,218,77,3,0.12523023557149274,0.07418867567627847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790039372098194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152690678387223,0.05574073000518489,0.0,0.0,0.11765792864668913,0.09629432115335752,0.052281007915881035,0.19084797314839755,0.06915347817439599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053937379650988826,0.06565075969588648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455343701650891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545840920657789,0.0,0.0,0.041356694760245206,0.0,0.0527559373023772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708388133687866,0.0,0.12664033970502425,0.08946450531445863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085525879748375,0.0,0.035585614403595284,0.05251859004454232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537034186833343,0.0,0.16827254002049746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041969593581749516,0.0,0.12561613692749715,0.0,0.12332655632795547,0.0722494390581131,0.2010923358789315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646978724949328,0.0,0.0,0.06630036882582062,0.0,0.0,0.044226909441099915,0.061181167476699015,0.0,0.2764514808347535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26619984360352245,0.04602931616031472,0.04642831644485433,0.14487791680780845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042429624303606917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476333915073421,0.06780607076327892,0.0,0.043409438694054316,0.05467310567283242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058913720910225,0.0,0.06370208532928623,0.0,0.0,0.29277488773405075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022569561054722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336984206077184,0.04989614206861153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673938435308699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105489364054862,0.0,0.0,0.04707877602732508,0.0,0.05472837281777542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040121239189462685,0.0,0.0,0.03651137871830742,0.14393373367757514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850231096244868,0.0,0.0,0.3911072751341608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051664029758863216,0.07386403754358996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05629851066272886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200429530331756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762030876568686,0.044479983159500115,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sun_will_rise_again,2019/05/16,"Had some kind of public PTSD attack at work for the first time All I remember was there was a bunch of angry yelling and fighting (I work at a busy sports bar) and the walls were spinning, I couldn’t breathe. I went into autopilot mode I think and just kept working. I’ve been “hiding” my PTSD for years now but I think my coworkers might’ve noticed something wrong this time. One of my coworkers kind of blocked me from working at one point and told me to sit down for a minute and have some water.... I couldn’t understand why, I thought he was joking or being weird so I kept working. I’ve been working there for years, now I’m afraid to go in later tonight. Should I go to work like nothing happened? Should I address it?",2.2312610837438385,4.415839441379312,2.6906650246305444,94.21905172413796,78.72413793103449,5.5221674876847295,24.839901477832512,6.5431188927421005,0.6961625615763545,569,21,120,5,14,175,87,145,0.12300000000000001,0.8370000000000001,0.04,-0.8625,0,0,1,0,3,0,16.0,0,0,0,8,6,9,2,1,5,0,13,3,1,0,1,24,25,8,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,6,2,3,5,3,0,3,2,5,0,3,12,1,16,4,18,8,4,21,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,3,10,74,18,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911096301628388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148801233955367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489801192289808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590470294732808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27297831728097305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403414538436336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390444789779846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576512924437844,0.1492239797992684,0.0,0.0,0.17763274833196588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390344588197065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064274596131715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847667592396818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090403275018743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796863278147345,0.0,0.10405488081617867,0.15285585610454855,0.0,0.0,0.1252429314420781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644841569023236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150313479810824,0.11827022184786586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6679432715872008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330438868915904,0.0,0.16880947046034586 ptsd,P0pupb00ks,2019/05/16,Do you ever feel like you have a second personality? I was just curious if anyone else seemed to experience it.,3.78142857142857,6.300728333333336,7.047857142857144,63.23464285714289,75.19047619047619,9.914285714285716,24.785714285714285,10.125756701596842,3.1620285714285714,89,3,15,3,2,33,20,21,0.0,0.78,0.22,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720164268264262,0.3986036995139408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249817849329121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518968096259691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805426390720471,0.0,0.0,0.1967035254545174,0.2779206631850222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005873424094272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.339683000170185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541551834126142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,redhotchileanpepper,2019/05/16,"Scared I have a history of sexual abuse growing up. it still affects me to this day. I'm safe now but I get these intense moments of pure fear and panic. I forget to breathe and I'll cry. Sometimes I get images or memories of what was being done to me. I feel incredibly hopeless. I've been getting them for a while now. But I'm just tired and sometimes I wish I were dead. I don't know how make it go away I feel incredibly lost and defeated by this.",0.029701754385961013,2.3101438210526304,2.5269736842105286,91.04589912280704,89.73684210526315,5.692982456140351,22.653508771929822,7.1686216300943375,0.9317192982456142,353,14,77,6,12,121,65,95,0.3670000000000001,0.56,0.073,-0.9896,0,0,0,0,1,1,9.0,0,0,1,2,5,7,0,3,2,0,7,2,1,3,1,18,19,9,1,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,5,2,12,1,10,13,0,10,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,6,50,18,0,0.0,0.25530942623853764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245123653559105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366954607967397,0.13896724286390105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205115973879774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424757254751088,0.21790706043753671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377393592014528,0.0,0.1224626631073933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184225724428094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23522266831555744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383505874031172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528202056269821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21573379899254327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4262318983509534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208318720821697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24766339759143396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24779220215246744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,canadianantifa,2019/05/16,"Finally told my aggressive abuser neighbour to go away today. And since then my arousal rate is much lower than in a month. I didn't drink today for the first time in weeks. I move in 3 weeks. I was cleaning my garage and she wanted to aggressively put me down. She pulled up in her driveway next door. i ignored her. ""Did you buy a house yet. Finally after 4 distinct attempts to tell her to go away. The 4th being ""Fuck Off"" from inside my garage. I am at my front door, the door was open. And she is yelling at me coming to my step. I go out the step and tell her to get off my property. I realized 2 days ago. There was a condo dispute over gazebos. She said he put these flyers up to all these neighbours defaming me. But it was her. Only to me. The whole situation drive me mad for months. I didn't do anything. Just freaked out in a psychosis because I already had PTSD from Childhood trauma. This the first interaction since I found out. I gave her so many chances. I think she just wasn't worth telling to fuck off. He kids are near mute it seems. She is destroying them with her malignant narcissism. Over fucking gazebos in a townhouse condo. I finally told all my abuser to go away forever. If she talks to me in the next few weeks I will not respond. Unless she greats in my path. Then just ""move."" I should be off the charts stressed now. 8 hours later I still feel so much calmer. I didn't even lose my temper. I meant ""fuck off"" after "" I don't want to talk"" all inside my house. She called me a ""psychopath"". I said ""look in a mirror"". I lost months of my life. And had to keep living beside her 5 more years. 3 more weeks and that is it.",0.3029395753946673,2.6941964550898234,1.7494964616222113,96.03980811105065,90.437125748503,4.713010342950462,19.267555797495927,6.351523495107088,-0.0019976047904193273,1272,39,278,14,44,407,172,334,0.154,0.825,0.021,-0.9905,1,0,1,0,3,0,54.0,0,1,1,5,10,16,9,1,15,0,23,7,1,0,4,34,48,13,0,4,7,0,1,0,2,2,1,3,7,1,7,12,1,2,6,1,2,14,6,15,0,2,19,5,59,1,51,25,9,73,0,2,1,5,37,29,4,2,30,187,66,0,0.0,0.2059725593983104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704955472842455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591865426034454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715279574099867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244993300621194,0.0,0.0,0.05298577596516458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875529071876267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487409656986753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605636875009302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514875143112201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741000355089304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04394948867589725,0.0,0.0,0.2856506467358202,0.0,0.14786863583235396,0.0,0.09530356470660324,0.0,0.32142547191087856,0.04541224169247434,0.0,0.19759511838310195,0.0,0.0,0.09582987945964357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559893480067549,0.2005885904046414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725870950885985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139434117687977,0.0,0.0,0.07675217078338267,0.0,0.07299111627478437,0.0972415233458198,0.09488371764266262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812348804943415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081367362863461,0.18476493413124465,0.12779276581594878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18488133809955612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610676481762423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016051176349163,0.1747577120594878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536211936131395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912892860937559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380265348514362,0.09770199973590472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941462174134345,0.0,0.09956684956353662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972640453437413,0.22791638181081197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055694984758487616,0.0,0.0,0.05068389517145255,0.0,0.16478046216957676,0.1661120422847002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253562771986988,0.0,0.2788887176141097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704335196487317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597378944322949 ptsd,The_Piggy_Plane,2019/05/16,"PTSD from severe child abuse. I'm M16, and I can't function properly after a series of traumatic events regarding my dad, such as him beating me with a gold club and trying to run me over with his car multiple times. My grades are ruined and even though I feasibly could not complete the work due to insomnia and constant flashbacks and hallucinations, as well as many, many court dates and therapy, the county still refuses to offer any remediation for my now ruined academic record. I have dreams of becoming a lawyer for the military in the JAG corps, but I'm afraid that I'll never even reach that point especially with how I've been increasingly suicidal over the past few weeks. I'm scared and don't know what to do.",12.278905109489052,8.098005357664237,11.374832116788326,62.31305109489051,57.46715328467153,15.631532846715329,42.728467153284676,13.348371206891418,5.400294598540146,582,21,107,16,5,189,97,137,0.171,0.804,0.024,-0.9621,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,2,8,0,7,1,0,1,1,17,11,13,1,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,10,0,1,1,2,0,3,4,4,1,0,1,0,10,1,19,9,2,18,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,0,11,66,13,5,0.0,0.2365697302140273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577867642255548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22051370409229995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093443826571468,0.21576634413392232,0.0,0.15941582075077898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637529793540551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973036298264872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4048568382948337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399353688760894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906023151337073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887474475592045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23339706354548345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19989895154920648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22556400231554724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594522919580042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184005072982666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22833370562026545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961693136275991,0.0,0.1164259495724354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555905886222636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015878250587776,0.0,0.17952232409496766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535810148553016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,missangel45,2019/08/30,"Anyone tried accupuncture to help ptsd? Apparently it helps to calm the nervous system, relieve tension and release trapped emotions. Has anyone tried this and experienced good results? Please tell me about your experiences with it. Thanks!",7.474864864864867,11.666063513513516,5.474378378378379,68.99427027027028,76.02702702702703,7.284324324324325,37.12972972972973,8.238735603445708,4.189036756756757,198,11,24,4,5,57,32,37,0.145,0.503,0.35100000000000003,0.8765,1,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,4,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923332146642871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155802235976481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744310677223105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353114586736612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760925903489104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079589054961333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279471413707355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452124710062542,0.2582921204599841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809491444789404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,amazingmrjesse,2019/08/30,"MY SPOUSE HAS CPTSD, I WANT TO HELP My wife is dealing with so many triggers my son and I walk on eggshells every day to try not to trigger her and make her more comfortable day by day. I want to be a le to help her throught all this crap going on in her head, but lately its been getting hard to cope with the depression, pain, and ultra low self esteem. She is super smart, bit has been throught so much in her life. I feel sorry but at the same time, i dont want her to think im still with her as a charity case or something. I cant afford to see a therapist right now so i need some help finding resources and advice in what i csn do to help her. Thank you in advance for any help given.",4.846013513513512,3.8547503581081135,5.497972972972971,88.59533783783785,69.06756756756758,8.481081081081081,28.635135135135137,7.1686216300943375,1.2717810810810812,535,15,126,4,8,174,94,148,0.102,0.68,0.21899999999999997,0.9570000000000001,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,5,8,1,0,5,0,10,4,2,3,1,24,22,11,0,4,4,3,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,3,3,21,4,22,18,6,19,0,2,1,0,20,9,1,2,7,79,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488059274181889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355539492647407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624995543188212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946233608014255,0.15699364930211065,0.13115825338354986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847063469801788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830218656421674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699717473628158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918085615252154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955984049205353,0.0,0.08654404360296768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641267016449887,0.0,0.15628287023345225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5103492517710742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448817084685044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177809633920246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755963170073424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164785967736677,0.15438768031524494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119430761996509,0.11291344297851713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620363013800656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004600291571472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134717826789886,0.0,0.15886090283570226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723232677274907,0.0,0.17046461902098586,0.0,0.0,0.12161073815637508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019865724323374,0.0,0.17680842944354733,0.0,0.0975746613346978,0.0,0.0,0.08879549797747535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10338789746817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694554777119927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,1Natsu12,2019/08/30,"Do I have PTSD and should I see a therapist for it? (TW Violence/abuse) So a little backstory. I’m a 20yo female. My mom and dad had a divorce as he was an abuser. The judge allowed him to have us for a weekend biweekly, unsupervised. I had seen my dad and mom argue when I was only 5 years old but didn’t think anything of it, even when the police were at the house (I still remember it due to the TV static screen) But I started really noticing it when my dad got drunk and I heard shouting. I won’t go into detail as I get sick just thinking about it but every time I was over, from 2008-2015, (so age 9 to 16) my dad would get drunk and I’d have to listen to what happened to my stepmom. To the point where it’d be 5am and I was still awake crying into my blanket worrying about her. I’m 2015 I had enough and told my mom I wanted to go home during his rampage and since then, I haven’t been to his house. I now get scared when I hear people yelling, making loud noises, and even the sound of a car horn. It all scares me. A coworker sneezed when my back was turned and I screamed and thought I was in trouble, he thought I was startled and laughed but I was terrified. At night, I’ll sometimes think I hear fighting and jerk awake only to find there’s nothing. Whenever I think about my dad or his house I can’t stop hearing my stepmom. I just want to know if I have PTSD as I haven’t brought this up to my therapist because I don’t know if it’s anything.",1.7248528320554044,3.1653752733118985,3.3412379421221883,92.41236643581499,77.61736334405145,6.328023744744002,24.50173138758348,7.010146845296331,0.7748084590650506,1134,39,259,12,26,376,159,311,0.168,0.813,0.018000000000000002,-0.9921,1,0,0,0,6,0,32.0,1,0,0,0,20,9,3,3,14,0,28,3,0,2,1,42,59,31,0,6,9,8,0,0,0,3,1,10,1,0,10,15,2,1,10,4,0,4,6,8,0,0,21,13,45,1,30,33,2,34,0,0,3,0,25,10,0,3,20,166,55,0,0.0,0.2298829900446591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966263437448605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745950317527117,0.0,0.05913665705902951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656140092358964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023770560957497,0.0,0.12814894676559568,0.0,0.08173547040115732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866577455223908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520518354783676,0.0,0.11026652473715018,0.0,0.0775881020886907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578600192318446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32801341173057635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973093699662362,0.0,0.0,0.33581103035592497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066287893988618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722993534452558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475521461079725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408523256816137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103771588650772,0.0,0.09308412294650983,0.1104470163204916,0.10179612625406284,0.0,0.0,0.14756160532109394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725481666968412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917062118829661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22680000009695936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621473648681877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989390492765327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424872593526446,0.0,0.0773047518766607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024802929110958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594579476452783,0.0,0.06866448090838999,0.0,0.15494530771801374,0.08110506242706424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252731701376737,0.0,0.2486414630021416,0.0,0.15403088880474478,0.05656756124776857,0.0,0.0,0.09269762213564303,0.0,0.0,0.10551948943267438,0.0,0.0,0.11669160142677724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443852887591527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851879957927634,0.0,0.06891342534849583,0.0,0.0,0.06247153562070716 ptsd,sparklewormlogic,2019/08/30,"What is the stigma associated with PTSD? In other words, what do people generally think about PTSD/ how much do people without PTSD know about the condition? I want to know because I wonder what people think when I tell them I have PTSD. Thanks!",3.5846666666666667,6.521738133333336,4.440000000000005,79.26000000000003,78.77777777777777,6.266666666666668,20.11111111111111,7.554174236665415,0.9629111111111116,196,5,33,3,5,63,31,45,0.0,0.889,0.111,0.593,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,11,11,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,6,11,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104519670914805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845850496568428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604191960081093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566037541858789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8017044774766291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498625168046401,0.15785619338240434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21972770512559286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011308211600942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528012966439942,0.18593971526655004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kirby217,2019/08/30,"Feeling alone. Need life advice pls. I’ve had ptsd since I was 14. Now 22(f), I now have a stable job with a boyfriend, cat and a flat but I still feel alone. My partner suffers with anxiety so it can be hard for my partner to open up to me and knowing this, makes it harder for me to open up to him, as I don’t want to add additional stress. I have evolved like a Pokemon over the past 7/8 years since diagnosed. But I feel pretty lonely and can be hard to share my feelings with my friends who don’t particularly understand. My family and friends support me as much as they can so I’m feeling a little selfish to think that I want to relate to someone who feels what I feel. Does anyone else still suffer with sleep due to nightmares or flashbacks? Does anyone take anything to help with the depression? Ty 🤘🏽",3.2007410881801133,4.727917329268294,4.080000000000002,88.28038461538462,73.87804878048779,6.7534709193245765,27.24953095684803,7.321109707123232,1.3063654784240148,638,24,133,7,13,205,99,164,0.175,0.626,0.19899999999999998,0.4053,1,4,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,6,11,0,1,7,0,11,3,1,1,0,30,28,12,0,3,3,0,9,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,7,13,0,0,10,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,9,18,5,24,24,1,13,0,4,0,0,10,6,0,1,8,81,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307455631523135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771481302149153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235487367577488,0.0,0.0,0.18710892447915653,0.13709155432193318,0.11010410614759668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523976227448292,0.13580184827941347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341745364521273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11177080914476298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261325631255553,0.0,0.4735649582438066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067435410212805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23971291589273264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968177744647403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277357114294402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735317163740729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450527182056986,0.06536679745150936,0.13410044452590245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893110031793007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835670388044432,0.09920929862024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277250434218432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612036123841828,0.0,0.0,0.1564023503857518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135767882872168,0.0,0.1338943263089225,0.0,0.11336635635127736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21370203084639086,0.0,0.15326481239061385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183204348982718,0.0,0.0,0.10059921847732516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08573216313990703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928812350763045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783469914664114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861613315618055 ptsd,newdayatmidnight,2019/08/30,"Feel like a fake Whenever I talk about how I feel and what I’m going through I feel like it’s all just fake. Some story my head made up I feel like everyone else thinks I’m faking it because I’m not actively holding a gun to my head. I feel when I talk about mental health to someone who has never dealt with it they think I’m a fraud and just broken AF. I’m feel just as fake when I’m “faking it to make it” just to get through the fucking day. My whole life is just a fraud",0.9438888888888892,2.2665469528301934,2.6957861635220115,96.71263102725368,79.47169811320755,5.843186582809224,20.26834381551363,6.42735559955562,-0.09500083857442344,371,9,92,3,9,123,57,106,0.244,0.672,0.084,-0.9585,0,0,0,1,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,10,9,1,0,5,0,2,5,2,3,2,24,21,6,0,0,6,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,8,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,1,6,10,3,11,20,3,6,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,7,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033675027900286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935778041608066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165288636379844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203015508926275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5144341639514228,0.3634197294635434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676352643385694,0.08859264461719794,0.0,0.09636979726497563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480528039452466,0.18024359374016813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197713842497159,0.24852809786958405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044999951547875,0.11318842085153764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088536190421738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078183141265753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367500527715196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725857883074737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173055461601066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18931739268247588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ThrowDirtonMe,2019/08/30,"False Awakening (Recursive dreams) I feel like I can’t deal with these dreams anymore. I realize I’m dreaming and try to force myself awake. I’m finally “awake” until I realize nope this is still a dream. It happens over and over until I finally wake up. It’s so hard to tell when I’m actually up. It’s scary and disorienting. My abuser is almost always in these dreams. I wake up sobbing. I used to self harm in the middle of the night to prove it was real life. Since taking Prazosin I don’t do that anymore but the dreams still happen, just with less frequency. Why does my brain not work ugh. I can’t even sleep right. What’s the point. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense. I’m really on edge. Someone please tell me they also experience something like this. Tell me how to deal with it.",1.2101732178547628,3.7140649873417746,2.813917388407728,89.69953697534979,85.83544303797467,6.111125916055963,19.708194536975352,7.475848149327749,0.7117291139240507,620,18,127,11,19,203,96,158,0.07400000000000001,0.799,0.128,0.8543,0,0,1,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,8,5,0,0,5,0,8,5,4,3,1,19,18,11,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,4,6,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,2,15,2,19,17,1,19,0,1,0,0,7,11,1,2,10,75,27,1,0.0,0.16595527261496046,0.1366841835438131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025583809180514,0.0,0.0,0.11201070690171493,0.11654610884059295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778156139995364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156359946928208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888037329323253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257267565438584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251225326272716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701139679912366,0.0,0.0,0.07082156376366779,0.10006315811329992,0.0,0.3068708510827109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24771975226081516,0.0,0.12547159881276698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893273799955077,0.13685831745805951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349512368781547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144242603816536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375037581914525,0.1324076165058264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594257400495274,0.08972984801526966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196155744577674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611935565515075,0.0,0.0,0.1158640191275764,0.0,0.14016712559165154,0.0,0.1186774432241086,0.1078296279588965,0.0,0.15679238786089394,0.0,0.0,0.22371373173592776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531217923453999,0.0,0.36727149856583263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509560055952716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097202808257253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263877535206623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196969551852618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SmellThisMilk,2019/08/30,"""The Body Keeps the Score"" is probably the most comprehensive and easiest to read book on PTSD I've posted about this book before on /r/ptsd , but it helped me so much, I think it bears reposting. The book came out in 2015, so its relatively new. It was written by a psychologist who attempted to treat PTSD in Vietnam Veterans in the early 1970s and has been trying to understand trauma of all forms for his entire career. It is written partly as a description of his career and the technological developments that helped doctors understand trauma, but it also goes into great detail describing the physical mechanisms of trauma and how to overcome them. And yes, you can overcome them. I have PTSD from a near death experience that landed me in a 9 day medically induced coma. In trying to recover, I kept meeting people talking about 'energy' or memories living in our muscles and it just always felt confusing or vague and even more disempowering. This book REALLY demystified a lot of these concepts for me and helped me believe for the first time that not only were my problems understandable, but that there were practical things that I could do to move beyond them.",12.89,9.531391023809526,12.122738095238097,54.902678571428616,55.42857142857143,15.642857142857144,44.345238095238095,13.624085052395262,6.044238095238095,945,38,148,27,8,311,134,210,0.106,0.8220000000000001,0.073,-0.8187,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,3,2,10,7,0,1,13,1,11,4,1,2,1,33,21,18,1,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,17,11,0,2,6,5,0,2,1,5,0,1,9,1,16,2,30,11,7,21,0,0,0,0,13,13,0,5,5,116,33,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998747084220744,0.1039187142028773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062724260879,0.14070857325341246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872494189765197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284120434668812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971472279851698,0.0,0.0,0.08054389596532265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278304893180376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824888492864472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216665428083374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991425016231674,0.0,0.0,0.10623160478081746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769196995219446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25113395785000964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111008215477503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028040161233582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617724635220524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258138137280034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327385983477744,0.09180872275983394,0.0,0.0,0.12061980659181658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498468250435756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352439982044911,0.0,0.08658319207571713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961036133927187,0.0,0.13465284053301138,0.11950312712419404,0.5839601962670825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492407286533792,0.0,0.08000790866488942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038207291483306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297154979036296,0.08002464587345239,0.0,0.0,0.07282452415007737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16958459848733295,0.0,0.0,0.3900455447468107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blairstein666,2019/08/30,"Do you ever get flash backs from just talking about ptsd? I got super emotional yesterday because I’m reading a book for college, and it was talking heavily about ptsd in this chapter. I couldn’t stop thinking about my diagnosis, and thus my experiences, and it kind of led into a depressed evening. Does anyone else get this way just by talking about ptsd?",7.301363636363636,7.974470499999999,7.1146969696969675,73.44204545454545,63.6969696969697,9.630303030303034,39.22727272727273,9.516144504307137,3.9192545454545438,287,15,48,5,4,91,49,66,0.10400000000000001,0.8140000000000001,0.081,-0.1431,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,9,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,12,8,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,2,10,5,0,8,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,32,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389312632092682,0.18154880965104928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624570767163768,0.0,0.10801142517175118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261072623242578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505735766783174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480168304629095,0.1993112948136468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703020649775984,0.1602755995127492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173322684233097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851455737355996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171246566415802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845127799477791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6213656416604665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723474348882354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813609387231094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272481004469378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113534143250789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14064262989012713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Qweyuio,2019/08/30,"I don’t know how to move forward (TW - Traumatic loss of best friend) Around two years ago, my best friend died by suicide. I won’t go into details but I was sufficiently exposed to the event to develop PTSD. I’m really struggling. My level of difficulty with mental illness and grief kind of surges and ebbs over time, but I find it keeps coming back. I find the impacts at work are the hardest. I’ve been open with my boss from the beginning about what happened but he honestly has a kind of “that was years ago, get over it” kind of mentality that I really have no recourse against. I’m not sure I’m doing poorly enough to qualify for a sick leave - but I’m scared if I don’t make adjustments and get more intensive treatment, I’m going to end up on short or long term disability. I’ve relived this horrible event thousands of times and I’m just fucking sick of it. Mental health services are so hard to access and just because I’m not visibly a wreck, people assume I am or should be fine. I don’t even know what I’m asking for from this sub, I just feel lost.",2.9440826873385006,4.694562511627908,4.326007751937986,85.32162144702846,75.04651162790698,7.75452196382429,25.89793281653747,8.515128840125781,1.7558785529715766,840,30,172,16,18,278,130,215,0.233,0.696,0.071,-0.9894,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,5,9,16,1,2,7,0,15,5,0,3,1,36,38,14,3,2,12,0,2,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,9,11,0,1,7,0,1,5,7,6,0,2,4,2,13,10,29,31,5,28,0,3,0,1,4,11,1,4,14,101,22,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216726457911316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113079999802692,0.11689120464215813,0.0,0.0,0.09614449161359168,0.0,0.07622040898804261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624338409410529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770691113248047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129766987094101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074423693943973,0.12919497478456554,0.0,0.08258469128641087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322164657727364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285601498531561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193204053605178,0.11559319686253493,0.1306516540265405,0.0,0.1421209792898231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056837632041548,0.0,0.11200714378599601,0.0,0.0,0.13290676529408696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113719350878593,0.0,0.3906153315386094,0.137432353164105,0.0,0.0,0.1323944169957916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065237939021903,0.0,0.0,0.1364908908720034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346208912040314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780187725208037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328928244383075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668379120352115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615967172969274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020173622780404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518223106028095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307141304856268,0.0,0.1367684150237491,0.0,0.1178443688182872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458182747617025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214140091571647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102724804520183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103737451267808 ptsd,problemaccount02100,2019/08/30,"Is it normal to feel bad after an EMDR session? I just had my first EMDR session today and it was a very powerful experience. I left the appointment feeling dazed, but slightly lighter than before. I wasn’t feeling stressed at all, which was very surprising considering how emotional the process had been. My worst reactions were just a headache and needing a nap. Hours later, however, I can’t sleep and I’m having very strong flashbacks. Just thinking about someone being physically close to me makes me break into tears. Is this normal in the beginning of EMDR? Is there anything I can do to make this a less shitty experience? I had felt so hopeful directly after the session, but now I’m having doubts.",5.172241014799155,7.565826139534884,5.81464411557435,74.26205073995773,70.55038759689923,8.411839323467232,33.43269908386188,9.095868883498916,3.4195984496124034,568,28,90,12,11,184,86,129,0.156,0.7,0.14400000000000002,-0.4045,2,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,8,8,0,2,9,0,17,1,1,3,1,24,29,7,0,4,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,5,0,1,9,4,10,3,11,19,3,14,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,8,68,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800498968986153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017105664855215,0.0,0.0,0.15304299544569713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231218783678453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518645692581301,0.0,0.0,0.2728196297176523,0.0,0.17268859587609586,0.0,0.0,0.15298420865269824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863617358709402,0.1771205263142081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954125207541058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24010864930003556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333598875935066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524385912961499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799844626895015,0.0,0.15239019678753565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20602280669971634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152435487247124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048110618278148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44519657800556695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,EitherGear,2019/08/30,"I don't know how to be excited for this, but I am. So three years ago apprx, I went on medical leave. I was already feeling a bit off, anxious and such before medical leave, but nothing like what happened next. I went to work one day saying I just hurt. I was acting weird, but not weird enough to cause notice medically. Well, each day is a battle for me physically, and cognitively. There is a flair up of pain and pressure, burning and fog in my head and neck, along with the eye's when this happens. It feels like the nerve in my neck and throat get activated and throb a nauseating stabbing feeling. When this happens, it feels like my brain is actually going to shut off, shut down, or quickly fall asleep. This happens often, especially when I move or exert myself too much. I get confused, dizzy, disoriented, weird. If I calm down, and rest my body, this feeling goes down a bit. It feels neurological, like a seizure or pre seizure. Burning, tightness, confusion, numbness. This is how it's felt since 2016. The days I do things, or had to do things, I fought the pain so hard with a straight face. I don't think people understand, I am really strong. I pushed way past the point of break, and now I am dealing with excruciating pain and uncomfortable symptoms. People make fun of me for it. A disabled veteran, ruined my relationship, because he thought I wasn't disabled. He thought I didn't get hurt at work. I am in agony every day actually. and I carry it well. There are days where I can stay out for 3 hours, if I take it slow. I have ran a few times, even pushed weights, but that's when I learned quite a bit ore about how my body reacts to different movement and weight, hence the weight and movement restrictions right now. Did I mention, everyone and their mother in law thinks I am not disabled. But they don't realize how hard I have to push to keep a straight face every second without falling to the ground. &#x200B; After 3 years of wondering what happened, just becoming blank. losing my memory. My self....I found it &#x200B; ...Playing a game a month ago brought back the head impact against what I believe is a ladder. And the firefighter asked me if I was ok. 6 months ago, after going through more trauma work, I started remembering a flash, and horrible jolt of pain down my head, neck and spine. The firefighter asked if I was ok, and I don't know what happened after that. So they tried to pin it down on something else, which was completely wrong, because he didn't report it, and I lost my freaking marbles. My memory, I was in a daze. hurting. &#x200B; 3 years later, I am now sitting here with a complete uncovered traumatic memory which caused me to lose my firefighting career. Holy S\*\*\*. &#x200B; And everything makes great sense. why I forgot everything. But now, will that firefighter say that he remembers asking me i I was ok?...",4.197974217311234,6.2086910441989005,4.718946593001842,82.72213996316759,72.25966850828729,7.846924493554328,29.19373848987109,8.582038596145509,2.2655853406998165,2259,93,425,41,45,718,261,543,0.222,0.705,0.07200000000000001,-0.9982,1,0,1,0,5,0,118.0,0,0,3,8,33,39,2,3,27,3,35,29,15,9,0,83,77,45,0,4,19,1,13,4,0,1,11,2,0,0,28,27,3,4,20,2,0,15,10,24,2,3,23,16,59,15,49,52,9,77,0,7,1,0,18,25,0,12,37,272,87,6,0.0,0.0,0.10819788842252943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742583620068328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117659326052221,0.0,0.0,0.2402657710620596,0.26945022871681995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262852723375044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547956787697415,0.0,0.0,0.04262796918894175,0.0,0.0675882973924114,0.06122629666253219,0.04717317803382039,0.06245901050078536,0.0,0.0,0.18156997798072552,0.12315699608582525,0.0,0.06188651697973525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389904305787453,0.0,0.0,0.11625020159142747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876281194366556,0.057153566092388135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792032524058145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463108673017756,0.0,0.0,0.05728169458336407,0.0,0.0366159060862694,0.0,0.09341686790762806,0.05297284936329167,0.09964719237126976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681850113598728,0.07920903601314158,0.05322863587418477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060784291223570215,0.0,0.0,0.08689132245939786,0.0,0.06301274908829367,0.0,0.0,0.061119972992899126,0.0,0.0,0.2941388691096899,0.0,0.0993221139166298,0.0,0.17068442053615568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0545947110936466,0.0,0.17804077738556304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927534361176287,0.0,0.0,0.06093393410189955,0.0,0.0,0.11740048823944638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833573115850463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240406293777672,0.060516514186242265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400984297193572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675421645835779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884992709468304,0.05892122502821346,0.04075289690126322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058958346056850776,0.0,0.0,0.053193718558866926,0.0631158925480223,0.0,0.0,0.03756584388049277,0.0,0.23595737793113894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052921309081349316,0.07686668094216614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05240629949111233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896454106214611,0.0,0.0,0.03551464343573688,0.0,0.0,0.05951906336713266,0.1255996246194561,0.04734327060829892,0.0,0.08817215430841834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783334007507966,0.0,0.0,0.04585842300375936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0426784495178983,0.0,0.0,0.039238905162489235,0.05908893454602514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762072647643894,0.041682055388287634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366034321575406,0.07104414580240051,0.0,0.08802226941709537,0.032326016911653044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03763838255475639,0.0,0.0,0.05771232984562717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044003659242294976,0.0,0.20252359990490928,0.09968983213836954,0.10278212403235833,0.05002366659716481,0.0,0.0,0.053439713591900515,0.06011953856389221,0.12107734909931565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061213760906092,0.26945022871681995,0.10709968075837337 ptsd,mrmeowmeowington,2019/08/30,"It gets harder everyday to stay alive. I wish I could get human euthanasia and be done with it. I am trying so hard not to self harm. It’s so hard. I don’t have an out or anything to rely on. I might go to the emergency room, but I’m in so much physical pain from my chronic illnesses, migraine and food poisoning. I wish I could go to a place where I could stay over a month and have all the therapy available. With kaiser, i can only see my therapist every 9 weeks. All the groups I’ve attended have helped to a tiny degree. I wish I could purge all the darkness out. You guys, I have literally been scaring the shit out of me with night terrors. Poop!! I wake up with poop after I’ve had dreams about being raped. Come on, life! Not cool. Kaiser asked me today to do a drug test to see if they can continue giving me some of my medications. I smoke cannabis since they won’t give me Valium for my huge anxiety/panic attacks. I really wanted to cut my wrist last week and was begging my bf to kill me, but instead my boyfriend gave me weed to smoke. Now, i may lose my tramadol Prescription. I’m so scared since I need tramadol to not exist in hella pain. I can’t believe I’m being tested for weed. So fucked. Nothing in life seems to be okay. It hasn’t been and if I don’t get rid of these damn flashbacks, bodily pain, and feelings of being raped, I swear I will just break past the tipping point.",2.156041666666667,3.8844584652777816,3.611827777777776,89.68595,77.19444444444444,6.969111111111111,22.97833333333333,7.839951260653429,0.9998939999999994,1090,33,236,17,25,359,163,288,0.265,0.6459999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9967,0,0,3,0,0,1,36.0,0,1,2,1,10,19,9,3,11,2,30,20,5,0,3,40,53,16,1,11,9,0,3,0,1,4,11,0,1,3,5,14,1,0,2,1,0,4,8,17,0,0,6,6,38,2,36,34,5,33,0,1,2,3,13,15,3,7,11,148,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518585987721929,0.0,0.09677463605440888,0.11776579311815055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662846942657012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917092742178037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306003388533034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593406648926296,0.0,0.0,0.12004712201055667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721773075922924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052341421726348654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517344516169548,0.0,0.0,0.09570001088604507,0.16225044014686565,0.19860631881268992,0.11766245448982555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024983324473638,0.0,0.0,0.18546221007075225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693854170783989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452647740859227,0.0,0.0,0.08438035853911703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623456153712772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580930145263454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428271844807988,0.0,0.10981542211456413,0.0,0.0,0.08262646520606,0.0,0.07609707474045524,0.07675671422691477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09714390770805684,0.0,0.09932757385822463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872951791999838,0.3304488930104344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881890905285168,0.0,0.0,0.10815347261086072,0.0,0.0978572418767668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663157881133627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727761149222326,0.0,0.16497965944274168,0.09423819816517827,0.1079910469394652,0.0,0.10625894879643596,0.1712610443989476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206711870999956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838097388041288,0.12019148237548692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812222988854122,0.0,0.0,0.07028140397769765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105714416883404,0.0,0.1660705553483059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571191165808253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WinnieThePooh1996,2019/08/30,"Drowning out the flashbacks & memories with music.. This is my first time posting on this subreddit. Today was a really rough day.. I have physical health issues, along with my mental health issues. I had a flare up today, I was in a lot of pain physically, and then tonight, I started having flashbacks.. The last few month's have drastically gotten worse as far as my flashbacks.. I've repressed a lot, but there is still moments and memories I remember.. When my mind gets especially loud, when I can't silence the flashbacks, the thoughts, I blast music through my headphones in my ears.. I just focus on the music, turn it up really loud, and try to calm down and forget.. I wasn't sure if anyone else does what I do.. If so, it would be nice to know I'm not alone..",3.831261261261261,5.637461135135138,4.767297297297297,82.85045045045045,72.78378378378378,7.636036036036036,27.1981981981982,8.344100000000001,1.9037549549549548,600,22,114,10,12,195,95,148,0.06,0.892,0.048,0.0918,0,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,9,0,13,4,1,0,1,23,20,13,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,4,16,3,17,12,3,24,0,0,0,0,0,9,0,4,14,79,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706808396161057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855836756800014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523046648376865,0.1688548400294079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628095959380457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421568158286788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766743102041662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017694028801442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610005842331593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503447496914275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440122135377601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056857125038384,0.13433221740579673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802104242436606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607744025722893,0.0,0.16639881817771202,0.0,0.13154004651909004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753564980678304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783075586476064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21114740492957867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668380302420126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166447441930448,0.0,0.1316077507874377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15531999369946262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083105984903354,0.09609493327669098,0.0,0.31241812540103514,0.0,0.0,0.11188690119561444,0.17925270371848198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794305619360486,0.11706764203120315,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sneekleek,2019/08/30,"Do I have ptsd I’m a 22 yr old male. I was bullied (for years because I’m one of last few ppl left with a good heart) out of school, never graduated hs and became a shut in. I never had a support system. I’ve been severely depressed and dealing with suicidal thoughts since I was in 6-7th grade. It’s like my mind can’t even function right. I can’t hold down a job even though I’d love to have 2 jobs because I can’t function in society. I don’t have the will or the desire to do anything. I’m honestly tired of the fight. I don’t have friends because they all leave me hanging or use me. I don’t have good parents neither so as a 22yr old with all of these mental issues and no support system, I’m lost. I’m stagnant. I’ve attempted suicide several times but obviously unsuccessful. I hate living and existing. Even when I try to do better it never works out. I’m so sick of society. I can’t wait until I’m gone. I’ll probably end up successfully committing suicide to be honest.",1.885797101449274,3.555108714975848,4.229299516908213,85.22336956521742,77.79227053140096,7.305314009661838,27.44202898550725,8.167268648758528,1.8492492753623184,772,33,163,14,18,269,119,207,0.20600000000000002,0.6609999999999999,0.132,-0.941,3,0,0,0,1,2,22.0,0,0,1,5,7,15,2,0,9,0,21,4,1,1,7,25,37,13,3,1,3,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,9,0,2,1,0,0,2,12,4,0,1,7,0,16,11,22,28,4,25,0,2,0,1,7,10,0,2,12,94,19,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630653317749713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214023015993971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350440033359944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065381199435328,0.1007986202982914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365472060310488,0.0,0.0,0.23189359567490006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041785265441617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19632008402038167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115543873737191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386822867677409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214994807357772,0.23227039902093286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953958768613635,0.0,0.1239189205901008,0.1271545131872861,0.0,0.0,0.05717543030621961,0.0,0.10334050837809523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12775315040495658,0.0,0.10562503777310923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793971205261593,0.0,0.11816793823037455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707845429236017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456086747869469,0.0,0.07930322768730691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994906483804938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617920130678467,0.0,0.13680296469844888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994382611118027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844160998208175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644234145645214,0.0,0.0968092443874645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840387248602932,0.2656107614035501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498235358854715,0.0929095336623358,0.06824171147396378,0.13450990718231046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945636017168724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107719997006072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519995463560469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536412062190358 ptsd,MintyMint123,2019/08/30,"I don’t feel like a person right now. I’m so scared. I’ve been in a 3 day long hell flashback that hasn’t quit. I had one that lasted February to April and I’m genuinely scared it’s going to turn into that where I shut down for a month and a half. I need to see a doctor again but I’m pushing it off like a dipshit. Ugh. Is there anything over the counter that I can take to chill this. Please. I’m just going to deal with alcohol and I can’t do that to myself. I’m scared. I know it’s not real but crap. I need to get it under control before I can get myself help you know? I feel lost. Like I’m not even real.",-1.6091047162270191,0.2915613309352523,1.1741846522781785,100.39838329336534,93.9640287769784,3.9521982414068746,14.197042366107116,5.46131890053228,-1.1259307753796963,471,9,119,3,18,162,80,139,0.158,0.71,0.132,-0.5632,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,3,8,10,2,3,7,0,9,3,1,1,0,19,29,6,0,2,5,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,10,5,1,1,4,0,0,3,5,7,0,2,3,3,13,3,15,26,0,19,1,1,1,0,4,9,2,0,10,70,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723743859674026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877579572696565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315925064591289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551392429100768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009214264288437,0.1613316369558091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601714837413346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335845112392324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824946163615006,0.11179462906159496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351641432101546,0.0,0.1778707901282474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489020488842518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720027639032329,0.12755811622096824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293555158966769,0.0,0.0,0.138486423679732,0.0,0.0,0.17082448155105062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12490674884720247,0.0,0.0,0.23206684692048465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603991143911183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663876074329287,0.0,0.1717761717386527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664436111742641,0.0,0.3562338388625822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363938365161704,0.0,0.0,0.4700135573222179,0.0,0.12470019645352184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765904889652637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021335354550793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,catbatratman,2019/08/30,"Inadequate I feel like my trauma is inadequate. I'm in the military, which is now basically a completely peace time military. Almost nobody around me that's been in less than 6 years has seen anything remotely close to combat, and neither have I. While on a peace time ""deployment"" there was an incident where a few people were drowning, and I stayed back to call the coast guard while my friends went out to help them. One friend ended up being out in 4-8 foot surf with rip tides and sharp coral for an hour and a half, almost 2 hours. I was giving the military police a live update of the situation over the phone and trying to coordinate rescue with the Japanese coast guard. At one point I lost sight of 2 people and thought they had died because I was going too slow. They ended up surviving, one with permanent damage to a few organs. I have these terrible nightmares multiple times a week where if I mess something up, myself or someone else dies. I wake up with really hard reflexes, like a huge jump or a swing, in a cold sweat. I feel super inadequate though. The people around me who have trauma have it from combat, and I have it from being on the phone. I didn't even swim out there. I know it would have been worse if the coast guard hadn't come and everything but I feel guilty about it every single day. This was months ago, and I don't go a single day without feeling guilty either because I didn't go fast enough or because I didn't go out to help. Does anyone know any resources, especially free military specific ones that could help me out? I have to talk to my chaplain still. It's embarrassing to me to get help for it though. I feel like I don't have the right or something.",5.5224453024453055,6.0822792282282325,5.9732646932646976,80.48054054054056,67.52852852852853,9.345860145860149,27.869154869154873,9.362217197678863,2.184722694122695,1345,40,265,25,21,434,177,333,0.114,0.759,0.127,0.7992,0,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,3,3,14,14,0,1,23,0,29,3,3,0,0,46,48,20,3,4,9,0,7,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,12,22,0,3,8,1,1,8,8,7,0,5,16,10,31,8,42,28,8,55,1,2,2,0,15,25,0,8,24,179,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929637019528099,0.0,0.2017450698637504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850392230790253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043694101115842,0.0,0.08289713012239057,0.17935276292591784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774597522822353,0.0,0.184223159329592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286270082607747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677512892717038,0.10561976079742297,0.0,0.0,0.08042948485796078,0.0,0.0,0.1299327497311246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909609081130354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815473690690424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415198700344331,0.0,0.17844436048380946,0.1040871980803876,0.0,0.06653516620650513,0.0,0.08487440974533089,0.0,0.09053500534457926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546756969932509,0.14393161168194316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565673998597712,0.0,0.05263039299658362,0.09663513332772836,0.22900232067672874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902396535245442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700848218910827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984093015780399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107237227322478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764353765583876,0.0,0.08895171788755264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996522440639106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040649994743611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730452345368537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20951293872858376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522806396470912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453404971583131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602797842175845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323146471108728,0.0,0.0,0.08535327085218126,0.15510296128786122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737115371997737,0.08044788554363587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096776671412816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19794518217452944,0.07997311758094623,0.17621988402611174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839311945809852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080432865295135,0.0,0.0,0.09338326476802664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710589210841497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265857201930967,0.07155995152747892,0.0,0.0,0.0648706698042917 ptsd,Siberiayuki,2019/08/30,"Everyone thinks that my PTSD is nothing just because it is not caused by violence,rape etc... :( Ok, long story short, mainland China destroyed my life and everything Ppl said as long as it is not rape, violence etc then my PTSD is nothing I know it is weird to hate a country and its culture but still this is my trigger Help... even my parents don’t support me...they even told me to change my mind!! It is impossible to not hate such a disgusting brothel ish place!",3.995571428571431,5.613362144444443,4.633174603174607,84.74500000000002,72.0,7.80952380952381,31.74603174603175,8.418075326091056,2.4349365079365084,363,17,71,6,7,116,60,90,0.125,0.735,0.139,0.3412,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,5,0,2,1,8,2,0,2,0,12,15,6,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,1,8,2,6,13,2,6,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171799530959696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141402838221598,0.1765186845470615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3721921915664777,0.22042257060660725,0.0,0.0,0.1594445266696796,0.14996549753853322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294848776596065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184459684501324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170341408641858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178601085689744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29533659966520964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848382961298766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202186546263465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528135826366784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433607883169658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901072954301637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872470465127872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325682298859748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893538930181172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691892484799097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594445266696796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,StaccatoSmithereens,2018/11/29,"Having a bad week I'm dissociating a lot. I can spend hours sitting on the floor in the shower talking to myself. Sometimes 3-6 hours pass without me noticing. I also have intrusive thoughts involving my grandfathers shotgun & my head. Whenever I'm in a stressful situation or when I'm anxious the thought forces itself into my head. I think it's some morbid way of trying to calm myself down by kind of saying that I can just end it. I'm not going to, the thought makes me uneasy. I also have dreams that just leave me exhausted when I wake up. I feel scared and emotionally drained, even if they weren't about anything specific. I haven't left the house in 2 weeks. I've missed driving lessons, school, job interviews and a modeling gig. I tried therapy, but got no support whatsoever. I'm scared to try again. I hope time will heal it but I just feel guiltier and guiltier as the years go by and I'm scared.",2.911521524811043,5.204269826815646,4.074012487676637,84.60798225435427,76.98882681564245,7.116792638843247,27.847847518895826,8.124751697461798,1.9794841275057509,725,31,140,13,17,236,115,179,0.192,0.748,0.061,-0.961,2,0,0,1,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,10,11,0,4,10,0,8,5,3,1,0,25,27,13,0,2,9,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,6,5,0,0,7,1,1,4,5,7,0,0,5,3,20,4,18,21,2,25,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,5,10,83,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20368157937436493,0.0,0.13798237205087865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386789608135805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479721192583866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633092898896687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325025979420694,0.1127932380468592,0.0,0.0,0.0841126816232289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878275979280776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447505160675394,0.0,0.1018524692313539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613932187244459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648609334222985,0.2508258319055529,0.14694341750911996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263740341760291,0.0,0.0,0.13261417867754946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484399193113455,0.13836484427547094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826739608212124,0.0,0.0,0.08500631316096217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498745334199145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127287750171607,0.3824950961991964,0.12888378485448382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314538737928914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595121991721314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587762061609225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451390956670404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235814189194103,0.0,0.0,0.14563445183994034,0.0,0.0,0.08159996919088126,0.0,0.3033021676067673,0.07425810963767449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593844282740843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108355017581143,0.20430305227372952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275969915374102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200845217698607 ptsd,annam0lly,2018/11/29,"Advice please: Weighted Blankets So I'm getting a weighted blanket for my birthday to help with my ptsd, my psych has highly recommended them and wanted some advice before I bought one. Has anyone used them before? Has anyone used the chain version? And lastly, are the ones on Amazon good? The Australian made ones are about 3 times the price as those on Amazon.",4.051103896103896,6.985948742424245,3.820476190476192,84.46500000000003,76.72727272727272,4.377489177489178,23.064935064935064,5.288315135182226,0.4841844155844157,291,9,46,1,7,88,47,66,0.0,0.8009999999999999,0.19899999999999998,0.8986,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,5,2,0,3,0,8,12,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,6,1,7,10,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,31,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36241603602286016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25932533800492763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3155884219568656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688378184260643,0.0,0.0,0.15553672561013074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429528582844435,0.19592559107369426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115684569677856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17546606512168952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769730771972721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035554071753739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21676727869315712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081304789130966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203180519330157,0.0,0.0,0.10937622782837472,0.0,0.0,0.451627428742037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chchchicken15,2018/11/29,My trauma is medical related. How do I avoid any triggers when I have medical appointments in(and out) the hospital every week? How do I keep myself sane while also dealing with my life-long disease like a mature adult?,4.2940000000000005,7.111812400000005,5.715,71.9,75.0,9.0,30.0,9.516144504307137,3.684250000000002,176,8,26,5,4,59,34,40,0.12,0.7440000000000001,0.136,0.168,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,3,0,7,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,2,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254311302163712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162567016491922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278528250705829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679358975015937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826605882006676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22461882549642134,0.1553629018484523,0.0,0.0,0.281427537053742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6407202645165269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550872563898248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,horrorbxtch,2018/11/29,"Hypersensitive to touch/burning sensation Ok so my PTSD stems from childhood specifically sexual abuse. Within the past year I've become extremely sensitive to being touched in any way, not just sexually. Even someone lightly tickling my arm or something can cause what feels like a slight electric shock and then quickly turns into the feeling that my entire body is burning. It's so unpleasant and literally makes me want to claw my skin off. I know things like alcohol and xanax help it go away, but I don't wanna rely on either of those for obvious reasons. ",6.194084158415841,8.460519435643565,6.508007425742573,70.88993193069308,67.51485148514851,9.406435643564356,34.40717821782178,9.827888789773867,3.869761386138615,457,22,71,11,8,147,87,101,0.068,0.84,0.092,-0.1395,0,0,2,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,1,4,5,3,3,1,18,11,8,0,2,5,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,4,1,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,7,3,13,10,1,13,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,7,46,13,0,0.0,0.2682687806846151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419724121751929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397227673166633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21272754074795525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25006133484435805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514998008648883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325940673950373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954721829634007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289678930676427,0.16175335074040256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286787949635532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176348133148915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443363170259865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212331875480999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113604067212064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21614198329737336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26467099402814404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327958259082469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918435762048164,0.17430794670395497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042232466835612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462782023416991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354743906419,0.17972038761080714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458060266678002 ptsd,calmjm13,2018/11/29,Today has been hard... So I left work early today. Because all I felt I could do was curl up in a ball in my bed. I had some pretty intense nightmares last night. My anxiety hurts it’s so bad. Any support is welcome.,-0.41000000000000014,1.8136790000000005,2.0194444444444457,93.9425,92.33333333333334,3.888888888888889,20.833333333333336,5.46131890053228,-0.0049999999999990035,165,6,35,1,6,56,38,45,0.168,0.627,0.205,0.2193,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,4,9,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,2,6,2,3,4,2,9,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,5,22,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678706174399092,0.0,0.1988747038860328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170623070177352,0.15847399655302472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20756318509343835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496099172042425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328801426536653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27830097448068397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21190850606450226,0.0,0.0,0.2824558441664679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439622290315244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644807771430753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29500845055116554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4928382743896316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892597007083719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,missjeri,2018/11/29,"Hiding in the bathroom at work through a panic attack Last night was particularly rough (triggering incident). Now I'm at work hiding in the bathroom because I want to burst out in tears every 5 seconds. My heart has been pounding for an hour and I've been tracking my pulse because it has been racing all morning. I'm all sweaty, dizzy and nauseous and my voice shakes when I answer the phone. My chest has also felt tight for hours now. I don't have anyone to speak to about this. Is this a panic attack? Does anyone know any short term remedies for something like this because I can't keep hiding? ",5.269051724137931,6.438423491379311,5.2218965517241385,83.45025862068967,68.39655172413794,6.834482758620689,28.29310344827586,6.6274283507984215,1.3581068965517242,479,16,88,3,8,149,76,116,0.196,0.773,0.032,-0.9569,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,2,3,6,0,11,2,2,1,2,13,17,5,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,5,5,8,1,14,12,3,16,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,9,53,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432350992509202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272724790950475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523806412896851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106262396792753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33004243529434896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793239111394267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520555666749973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732815619378169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386036190754285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35545742085940063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041193552754504,0.0,0.0,0.0991827716677783,0.14710888625759372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816957451809118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936088346931852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.423490356786694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389362750348513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644714756198402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627717433502119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,abbyruth,2018/11/29,"My last trauma therapy session is tomorrow I am a gay trans man, and I was stalked, violently disowned, humiliated, and threatened by my abusive family in July because of my sexuality and gender. I escaped back to my chosen hometown and immediately looked for sliding scale trauma therapy through a well-known LGBT+ center in my city. They have these amazing grants for LGBT+ folks who experience violent trauma where it pays for 12 free counseling sessions with a certified trauma therapist, and after the 12 weeks, they reassess your needs and determine if you need more free sessions or if you can be referred to another regular therapist who has sliding scale payment plans. This program legit saved my life. I was so messed up that I couldn’t stay awake for more than 4 or 5 hours a day, I wasn’t eating or showering, and I think the first month was just one long anxiety/panic attack marathon. My therapist has taught me so much about how to think about myself and the world and what happened, and even though it will be extremely difficult, I feel like I can start my life over and actually *live* it. I am nervous and scared about ending my sessions with her because it’s become sort of a crutch, and maybe having that regular schedule has been another great thing to rely on, but I think it will be ok overall. It has been four months now. It feels like it has been longer than that. It feels like it’s been years and years. I don’t really remember what their faces look like anymore. A lot of the memories from that night are gone or buried. My memory loss that I was experiencing is starting to dissipate (I can remember conversations and numbers and information now). I finally got a job and have been handling the stress of that rather well. I’m even making new friends there! I’ve started to try out standup comedy, which has been a healthy coping technique. I still cry sometimes. I still feel hollow and sad sometimes. But I don’t think that will ever go away, and maybe it shouldn’t. Someday I’ll forgive them and finally forget them altogether. I have lost so much this year. I lost my grandmother and my whole biological family. I lost a sense of security. I lost most of my ability to trust. I lost 25 and a half years to abuse and bigotry and internalized hatred. But I have gained so much, too. I have been on hormones for almost nine months and now my voice sounds like I’ve always wanted it to sound, I am growing the beard I’ve always wanted, people see me the way I see myself. My new name sounds like music. My sexuality finally makes sense. My friends are made of the most precious gold. I love my city and my pets and myself. And even though I lost 25 years to abuse, now I have maybe another 50 years of freedom, self-confidence, and adventure ahead of me. My ptsd still follows me wherever I go, but now I know how to navigate through it.",5.468335913312694,6.775930632352946,5.9795549535603705,77.69013544891642,68.04411764705883,9.476315789473684,31.22755417956656,9.747274676799606,2.989463970588235,2280,92,422,51,38,737,267,544,0.133,0.716,0.151,0.9444,2,0,0,0,2,0,63.0,0,3,5,11,30,41,3,3,18,1,45,6,1,5,1,78,83,47,0,9,12,0,4,6,2,4,2,4,2,1,29,32,1,1,14,2,3,7,5,20,1,5,22,13,68,23,46,53,9,59,0,8,4,2,19,11,0,11,45,286,97,9,0.0,0.2274113236800311,0.06243355135400652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406498428106028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647007258270527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20126034731867945,0.0,0.0,0.06344924099438723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278450528320853,0.06010967992776285,0.04919533167008889,0.0,0.0780011051546607,0.07065896003382426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027711281153437,0.04126068396487303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546573066958235,0.0,0.0,0.0566657473075292,0.0,0.0,0.1267711091042642,0.057871997668029425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258301331112166,0.12062601645248602,0.0,0.12939731938458487,0.13711824203950254,0.0,0.21025516497282404,0.0,0.05441987402533572,0.0,0.0,0.09885888767618907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272063740833473,0.0,0.051169257874430746,0.07053625589634129,0.0,0.0,0.05657576272978161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300569721677847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634885495873157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03516077771403571,0.05215081976926648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037947212828064,0.1875392727169884,0.0,0.05649397442116439,0.05661874552381312,0.10745124766406426,0.0,0.41903896107001976,0.05439202752105486,0.057742876204520385,0.06053777515402747,0.08541196874093833,0.0,0.19282427987813228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320050671988625,0.0,0.14109414436482232,0.09487813607412557,0.0,0.12358120153094625,0.0,0.06003926162765201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04335332375268377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044354468853160016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478716052118649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040986110673535324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14494979020477694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405339788953265,0.0,0.1019647775163793,0.0,0.06674327679022182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655226721904675,0.0,0.13585242205302508,0.06819231101860622,0.1532793597269547,0.0,0.07328687899021864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632942878728508,0.22285106784391875,0.04250431212627001,0.163978738957797,0.12571662834771885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04343703790109864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0754720690052262,0.050782963681128016,0.051319499886555715,0.0,0.11504827580326787,0.0,0.0,0.07142944085738567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471994053160576 ptsd,lilahhhh,2018/11/29,"Dissociation I've been diagnosed with PTSD and I have always had a problem with disassociating. I happens a lot when I'm driving. For me it feels like when you're reading a book and really immersed in it. You enter that world and forget your own, except that world for me is empty and devoid of any of those fantasy landscapes. Instead I am greeted with just hollow emptiness of my own mind but I'm still physically in my body and i see it but feel apart from it. It feels like nothing is real and that I'm just reading a book but that book is my own life. How do you guys experience it?",2.9642016806722684,4.738168823529417,4.817386554621852,81.71952521008407,75.05042016806722,7.1129411764705885,26.185714285714287,7.908726449838941,1.5502262184873952,466,17,93,7,10,159,69,119,0.059000000000000004,0.882,0.057999999999999996,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,8,3,1,1,0,24,16,12,0,1,6,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,11,9,0,0,3,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,12,2,12,14,4,10,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,1,5,67,23,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034518953006197,0.0,0.0,0.13921805016877412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274001049894445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778862504236306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002574996943716,0.0,0.0,0.3105409392596238,0.2925070223854573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20270706820029147,0.18103507945908812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460127560596556,0.2000337570947592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404741092481402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671096418308835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643637908537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589140411864614,0.2393091828410395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095550071485404,0.2330185724334387,0.131150221304866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313701052402255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634913357989386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,off_my_chest_11,2018/11/29,"“You must have had some weird dreams last night.” Me: Why do you say that? Boyfriend: You kept making noises... Like... [groans] Me: Oh yeah. Well I didn’t sleep well. Haven’t been sleeping well lately. Boyfriend: Why? Me: I don’t know. Weird dreams. Stress dreams. [shrugs] .... _sigh_ Even though he knows I have PTSD and some of the reasons why, is there really any point in explaining that I fell asleep to thoughts of my ex? That I felt hands at my throat and wrists all night? That I can’t even remember my dreams but know he was there? At least there’s comfort in his arms. The will to hold still and remember I’m safe and warm in his arms. ",-0.5257142857142867,1.3829453571428587,-0.4313888888888897,107.50625000000002,107.33333333333334,3.36984126984127,12.392857142857142,5.46131890053228,-1.4669619047619045,489,9,116,4,24,140,77,126,0.035,0.779,0.18600000000000005,0.9474,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,3,0,0,10,11,0,1,2,1,13,8,8,2,2,22,22,6,0,1,1,1,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,3,9,4,0,1,4,3,4,0,7,4,17,7,9,13,4,12,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,6,64,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294165920443356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996637196788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453458119468938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495787835356044,0.12339258879364293,0.1707600291099447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395523363266361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104542923328166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841144186907193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310034487211004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695179838138006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697608442141308,0.15564093149460342,0.0,0.0,0.3429616243348733,0.0,0.0,0.12038119283533255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029729639611039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208899948842039,0.0,0.17340202442107674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872729033662413,0.12017655541723865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4083187373780163,0.0,0.4097830229189761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lost_the_fallen_one,2018/11/29,"Need advice on somthing that happened recently... warning: possible trigger I havnt really been having flashbacks or nightmares like i used to, but about 3 weeks ago i had a flashback and it wasnt like any id had before, i completely lost control over myself and blacked out; at the time period of when everything happened between the phyical and emotional abuse i did self harm as a coping method but i hadnt done that in almost 5 years. But when i blacked out and woke up i had self harmed.. it wasn't bad but it happend, and all i remember from the flashback was a night i was pinned against a wall by my neck and beaten... i dont remember much of it besides that but i woke up and had self harmed... i have a circumstance where im not taking medication because my reactions to them, and this is the first time ive ever blacked out during a flash back.. any advice on what todo? And im worried about talking a therapist about it because last time this happened they recomended i get hospitalized if hurt myself again. (i was 16 then ive seen a few different therapists since then) my current therapists is honestly the best ive had but im scared to open up because every other time i have its ended with a lecture Any advice is welcomed thank you to anyone who reads this and can help or relate",3.969705882352944,5.628611411764709,4.977009803921572,82.08904411764708,72.13725490196079,8.237254901960785,30.00490196078432,8.841846274778883,2.5118196078431367,1030,44,195,20,20,337,143,255,0.10400000000000001,0.779,0.11699999999999999,0.3581,2,0,1,0,1,2,24.0,0,1,2,5,9,14,1,1,14,0,25,2,1,3,2,34,37,24,0,2,10,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,15,15,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,8,0,1,18,4,27,6,26,19,4,35,0,2,4,0,10,14,0,4,23,137,42,3,0.0,0.1174219605214677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905296626621442,0.08784966113881235,0.0,0.09923827802405516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218222806597794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929577748740105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620481073317277,0.08274764836493806,0.18123852162897167,0.0,0.08433015159169463,0.0,0.10400346833840522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390859309650158,0.0,0.1111534930552584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354252164814168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141773636992514,0.11614907684019228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114785908328424,0.08777667315229333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896451854134807,0.0834993417893493,0.0,0.08906822890256927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429775873927592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05177771705883665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26291185430888514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066427280386594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060928149725492,0.0,0.3211477769547994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807829364125024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09683435600675258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10818365494620556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983679092106264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285279721922316,0.0734843140273099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300233200127947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172479906204814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913075658470674,0.0,0.06348852016104292,0.0,0.09785318244294232,0.0,0.22453088440267796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922033041107098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101610622092648,0.0,0.0,0.08197980133732974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451382747686877,0.07965599109400827,0.0,0.09124159075575354,0.0,0.3452019301468933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311532120698726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559398253450362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949520092683611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006448593049257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381968659747356 ptsd,PabloEscobarian,2018/11/29,"PTSD after crash at work So a little over a year ago I had a bad accident on the job. I crashed a vehicle on a sharp turn- had a fallen off and been ejected I probably could have died or at-least been disfigured.. I ended up just destroying my knee joint. Two surgeries and months off work, 45 physical therapy sessions and lots of other bull shit. I’m doing fairly well- I can’t run but I can do most of what I use to. What I’ve noticed now is that I’m fucking terrified of odd things. I always wanted to be a pilot but now I’m terrified of heights and air planes. If I’m not in control of a vehicle I’m sure it’s going to crash. The list goes on and on. I can’t live the life I use to. Every day I come up with another reason why I’m dying such as thinking I’m having a heart attack, lung issues, lab issues, spinal cord problems... thus far it’s just been made up bull shit but in the moment it’s terrifying. I just think the way i feel is bull shit. Ya I could of died or been paralyzed but I didn’t. I’ve always felt that the only people that have actual PTSD are soilders- war will fuck you up, all I did was break my leg. I just want to go back up before and live life to the fullest. I just feel like a turtle in his shell with crushing relationship destroying anxiety. WTF do I do?",0.8145893719806772,2.6938113768115954,3.189420289855076,90.40292270531401,81.97101449275362,6.55265700483092,20.729468599033815,7.662118739084242,0.7230323671497579,1004,29,225,17,27,346,153,276,0.282,0.687,0.031,-0.9977,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,0,3,11,14,9,0,17,0,26,12,8,6,2,42,49,15,4,6,13,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,9,0,1,6,0,0,5,4,11,1,1,11,4,24,3,32,34,3,37,0,0,0,2,4,20,5,5,11,138,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.10562920246901424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595056938876537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18013309526413013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350184590850165,0.08280532334062425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314162943533564,0.0,0.08323190875440496,0.09037808311692347,0.0,0.0,0.09210651420815924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324144991713816,0.0,0.0,0.12140332483866885,0.17284588054116107,0.0,0.0,0.069807548121414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370163130892271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587085093824142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119909268193573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946146224104626,0.07732856365675066,0.10392990912996332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001371529959263,0.0,0.0,0.123033573549678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826804958930427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22595438771604034,0.10741411810449997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15290995551974393,0.05288188636585065,0.10848756165986967,0.19116046846595214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920240217498536,0.0,0.1024218031825619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639824256733271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232349630878635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823234053338434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504181756906206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670387349080133,0.10357358800936683,0.2530597074634657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112914617247262,0.0,0.11621208670212547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333285434697842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201740721792464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237848923001834,0.0,0.07191160031782873,0.13871502615456488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773690968302973,0.10573733102682464,0.0,0.0,0.18697377437712656,0.0,0.0,0.12768862710541395,0.08591796936610167,0.0,0.0,0.09732313279464376,0.0,0.0976721465505816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760386219342756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970471129722709 ptsd,t_nutt,2018/11/29,"When flashbacks are triggered, how do you handle them? I was listening to Christmas music, and a certain song triggered memories of my abuser. Though these memories were not bad, some were even good memories, just odd. Like nostalgic but at the same time my whole body tingled feeling trapped. Usually though, my flashbacks are not good memories. Is it better to ride it out or try to push them back? ",5.6484976525821615,8.116784577464793,5.14612676056338,79.24388497652583,69.4225352112676,8.67699530516432,34.36854460093897,9.2995712137729,3.539167136150235,319,16,52,7,6,97,55,71,0.10099999999999999,0.698,0.201,0.7532,0,1,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,1,2,1,8,6,0,0,2,0,7,2,1,3,1,14,9,7,0,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,3,3,7,5,6,6,3,8,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,5,40,10,0,0.0,0.3002278798542097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484267388747065,0.2115715912185358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241044791618578,0.0,0.28146119650869833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736291182531818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812252121725556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250660845007361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379444727308875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979123666378296,0.0,0.1477548119470815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203641734053526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790752983244935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829029255107535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,proseccoscampi,2018/11/29,"How to deal with Nightmares So I was assaulted, stolen from in terms of money and possessions and then stalked for 2 years non-stop via text, calls, emails, social media, through passed messages from friends, knocking on my door about 7 years ago. I have accepted that at that time I wasn’t kn a good place and someone took advantage of that. I have healed, I have made new friends, got my confidence back, returned to my usual self and personality, moved away and it’s no longer a threat to me. I have also been to therapists and taken and still am taking prescription to manage it though I am reducing my dosage slowly and on my way to being med free. Even with all my progress, there’s one thing I can’t seem to shake. It’s the nightmares. I get them almost every night. It’s so draining and I am so tired in the morning and makes it so hard to focus on tasks. I even dread going to bed at night because I know I’ll probably revisit all those awful experiences in my sleep. I do read and try to relax and take my meds to help me sleep but still the nightmares don’t go away. TLDR: Am better now but still getting nightmares even after all these years. Does anyone still have nightmares after years since the trauma has passed and you’ve healed?",4.011164339419977,5.6160713795918396,4.225069817400648,87.73786251342645,71.93877551020408,7.117078410311493,25.139634801288928,7.669130373188453,1.1742244897959186,988,30,198,12,19,307,145,245,0.08800000000000001,0.8170000000000001,0.095,0.1841,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,3,18,13,2,2,6,1,17,5,2,3,3,27,30,23,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,2,2,11,15,0,0,3,2,2,7,4,5,0,1,7,1,24,9,32,22,4,40,0,0,0,0,11,11,0,2,21,128,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116323231748807,0.0,0.11427778826228817,0.0,0.0,0.09126419278208496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979751709573507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144447970255589,0.0877536107934313,0.0,0.06956837560423786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093259781885454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165324332637058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765589329620582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986988396166054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226131671248617,0.0,0.09615362429737746,0.0,0.0,0.11163427922823432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763424304319192,0.0,0.11924920715210563,0.0,0.12971756252354416,0.09572103224755638,0.09127465935617714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223187139397892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649430072757565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271906495932499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798602588539442,0.07617804787105605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535300486190473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129478243920976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022079018856283,0.0,0.2141935756234104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733275841511891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964787909851924,0.11923433780442587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304399172938132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415397200384265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389337376652054,0.11905527080912963,0.0,0.0,0.0944037982676495,0.0,0.2284110140101499,0.11633411704500245,0.09669612269114393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36455538413952737,0.0954120122261737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161271978036932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250570198829106,0.07581830911080187,0.0,0.11212535518889244,0.0,0.0665460907601238,0.13116770224769306,0.0,0.0,0.12679495065123994,0.07748208597422891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256904589872966,0.0,0.0,0.09058559579790744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939661097377697 ptsd,ptsdindian,2018/11/29,"Ptsd and most Indians Most of the Indians believe that going to a shrink or taking medication for mental/psychological problems is completely wrong or unnecessary. I have been dealing with health issues related to indigestion, bad liver and headaches(lsd trip visuals coupled with chunks of hot coal in my head and huge tendency to just jump off the balcony head first) from since I can remember(I'm 31M now). I have been a rape/abuse victim in my childhood. I can't seem to understand the inability of my people to understand or even listen to what has transpired, including close family. I go out of my way to be friendly, nad yet don't have a lot of friends, or haven't found the right ones. All the people I considered friends(80-90%), have moved away, or I moved away from them. Life is to be lived. All they think of is the next thing to spend on, next place to visit... Shallow meanings to lives. Im just feeling lonely in the society. I'm surrounded by people all the time, and yet. Needded space to rant. I'm not completely alone, as I have my spouse, family who support me. Plz don't judge my language as I'm emotional while writing this. 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Then I needed to get diagnosed in order to lessen the charges on a weed possession charge I'm fighting rn. So I talked to him about it... I'm so scared. I'm not ready to deal with this. I'm not ready to think about it. I'm not ready to talk about it. I'm not fucking ready for this. I don't know what to do. ",0.0259999999999998,2.079184044444446,2.211111111111112,95.24000000000002,86.33333333333334,6.266666666666668,20.11111111111111,7.554174236665415,0.5632444444444444,324,10,77,6,10,109,50,90,0.221,0.779,0.0,-0.9484,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,1,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,9,16,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,7,0,16,15,0,8,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,1,4,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328657061936073,0.0,0.4585137859132746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20881645211215735,0.1180096043578224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065170739086606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241341928940752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674823711330246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43124371249197896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261388218943228,0.0,0.0,0.20562679159699496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347690980582867,0.0,0.3630971980882212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622565942404698,0.0,0.1447306468721025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21410170938284015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jennyheff2,2018/11/29,How to snap out of it? Im kind of stuck in a phase where i can't get out of my head. Im living in the past. My mind cant stay focused on any tasks. Im not fit for in patient. I take my meds regularly. My doctors isn't for another week. How do you get your mind to just snap back into reality?,-1.9635869565217408,-0.31343179710144753,1.7969384057971034,97.5414945652174,91.6086956521739,5.189130434782608,17.320652173913047,6.6274283507984215,-0.3546391304347827,222,6,61,3,8,82,47,69,0.109,0.8909999999999999,0.0,-0.7138,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,2,0,9,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,8,1,14,7,0,13,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,3,35,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265562631109634,0.20454996518695576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999830092527314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996644233011381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20383410207025576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002001155732572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6321335940039134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031374343026524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225212002875373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166809786088347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39393415416801547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621826458021545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20792076080621005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666984156820176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647496471699665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,diamondblossom05,2019/07/24,"Extreme hypervigilance / paranoia this week! I usually have my Complex PTSD symptoms some what under control but the past week my hypervigilance and paranoia has been extreme. I have barely left the house, have been holed up in my apartment. Even feeling anxious and on guard when texting and talking to friends from home. I am not sure how I became triggered or how things suddenly got worse. I have been taking my meds and just saw my therapist last week. Anyone else found any relief from these type of symptoms?",5.737170329670332,8.412821549450552,5.055041208791208,79.0805837912088,69.76923076923077,6.747802197802199,33.35302197802198,7.645422480735847,2.5689879120879127,415,20,66,5,8,125,66,91,0.132,0.769,0.099,-0.3259,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,9,2,0,4,1,18,14,9,0,0,4,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,4,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,10,3,8,8,1,14,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,2,8,46,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196347533744674,0.0,0.0,0.19874471086459566,0.0,0.12301056322653445,0.18025553145243609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19731438597120832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469624201352767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619653198932513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895275824737235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19289223167022915,0.13591890122434466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070296500883867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646670699252978,0.0,0.0,0.2029933558616196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340202054882714,0.0,0.0,0.19114258092578412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541255925334108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793992668377214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20564643043574665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658068433490543,0.3657060170240262,0.13227339700115134,0.14140152090252944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042620074601063,0.11687647994628765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19375608057678945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233482815714657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792821860637946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,andudetoo,2019/07/24,Not Worthy Why do I feel like people are always trying to justify my trauma and minimize it?,6.933333333333334,6.7281790000000035,9.130000000000004,61.665000000000006,64.55555555555556,11.644444444444444,29.11111111111111,11.20814326018867,3.7273777777777766,74,2,11,2,1,27,18,18,0.24,0.645,0.115,-0.4031,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447790418656993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721087645324287,0.3844600554187621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629167283270593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37309087324302864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653738353910383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4856037290746692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kush1113,2019/07/24,"My PTSD symptoms are out of control right now. I'm struggling to maintain my sanity and I haven't left my house in days. I have been in panic mode for the last several weeks and I just want it to go away. I have complex PTSD and I have so many triggers. I don't even trust myself to drive right now. I can't do anything and I'm self medicating. I know I shouldn't be taking abusing my meds, but I feel like I'm spiraling of of control. Help please.",-0.5167548076923048,1.690790385416669,1.6712500000000006,96.2333653846154,93.0625,4.620512820512821,19.884615384615387,6.297961479604792,0.06220769230769285,351,12,80,4,13,117,60,96,0.066,0.7929999999999999,0.141,0.7743,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,2,1,0,11,2,0,3,0,15,19,6,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,2,3,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,1,1,15,2,11,16,0,14,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,6,49,16,0,0.0,0.2018998823230728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14022728295529002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600993799363548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822432714969397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098959423251736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11254968132602207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616095869997392,0.12173605291121704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684404385152573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11421764747866815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19662237006887606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364912135386624,0.1389013203574864,0.0,0.0,0.18514353399985106,0.0,0.0,0.08325037750932243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276206033516342,0.0,0.0,0.18927949823051932,0.1716632582947766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19993139508014715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870515006596739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983843547672078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910467383951367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776766141287806,0.1925070696180299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814238331343335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17711413142194427,0.12812197081542567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050819988370717,0.0,0.1366871379178078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,stjordanxx,2019/07/24,"*possible triggers* my coworker acted very inappropriately and I don’t know what to do I’ve had ptsd for 2 and a half years from an event where I was violently raped. When I sought out legal action months later, my rapist committed suicide. I never got any sort of resolution to my trauma which still haunts me today. Today at work in common conversation a coworker talking to me made a joke about rape and victim shaming. He knows nothing of what I went through but the jokes he made sent me into an absolute panic. My heart is racing and I feel like something is wrong with me. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I’m just being sensitive or if this is something I should take to Human Resources and I just really need advice",3.5491149425287354,5.391649606896556,5.154224137931035,79.63110632183913,73.6206896551724,7.8678160919540225,25.186781609195403,8.59863814320734,1.8320919540229887,583,19,110,11,12,197,97,145,0.184,0.748,0.068,-0.9528,0,0,2,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,12,5,2,6,0,12,4,1,3,2,27,25,10,1,4,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,5,2,0,4,4,9,0,1,7,1,18,3,16,16,0,19,0,0,0,3,6,5,0,4,11,73,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708928981888999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892591826902002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842571375575417,0.12493590520466065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986930089180222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723629311685848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844428160160371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543862745691626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309556026439883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395893332657193,0.0,0.0,0.1296729629650981,0.13487996248290735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780422320128702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518662488084685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715344591325645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20442797672483765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203403927118602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26926578035189785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396611805390629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129278297009134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148967801760714,0.14056371784654256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315358248602059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429616084628236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211758596216108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273163515249615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19120627291363845,0.0,0.11261842702270798 ptsd,tamly8,2019/07/24,"My trust issues are out of control Hi everyone, this is my first time posting but I am just in need of some advice or clarity. I have been so anxious recently that I feel like I can’t trust anyone, including my family and closest friends. I question everything they say and think they must be lying to me. Even when I ask for advice about a situation, and their advice makes sense, I think “they must be lying to spare my feelings and the real answer must be (usually the worst case scenario).” It’s to the point where it’s negatively affecting my relationships with people. My boyfriend is really caring and supportive, and has really helped me sort through some complicated feelings, but it’s terrifying to think that my worldview is inaccurate and I truly do have extreme trust and anxiety issues. Has anyone else dealt with this realization?? I started thinking about it when my therapist told me the desired number on the depression/anxiety survey vs how high my number is, and I realized that some people just go about their day not feeling this like this. Can anyone relate??",7.531023688663282,8.304085888324877,7.823667512690357,68.21066201353639,63.213197969543145,11.236717428087989,35.19839255499154,11.038039088145766,4.241135702199663,868,37,140,23,12,284,116,197,0.11599999999999999,0.696,0.188,0.9394,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,5,2,11,9,0,0,6,0,20,0,0,4,3,44,36,16,0,5,7,0,4,2,1,3,0,1,0,0,11,12,0,1,11,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,5,27,8,16,28,4,17,0,0,0,0,13,7,0,6,10,107,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642836596144627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901209599418698,0.14038126629766873,0.0,0.2606617085598104,0.12732162608187406,0.0,0.0,0.11616867257376465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669391053036794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393709711362161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013903892046227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380538202506352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207421585760957,0.0,0.0,0.11873815338590743,0.11167913142740968,0.0,0.11714363527681584,0.0,0.2513234347543285,0.17754632383803198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569762746240152,0.0,0.0,0.09600490692132548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062124802086149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329054106122265,0.13129016422064002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593955518954874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214167712147552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294619028892808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213907658460532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229595654526422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746823707156595,0.0,0.11900913517748615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920244992701772,0.0,0.0,0.14143794081984445,0.15921149156233716,0.0,0.122694237409726,0.13341143171296824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881853542405254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13967626755041407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795364410031818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101162368516368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427835155467097,0.0,0.31848959543799105,0.0,0.0,0.07245846882971572,0.0,0.0,0.11873815338590743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368575990068684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,quartzcatnip,2019/07/24,"I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to have PTSD. I've been reading all of your posts for a while and the traumatic experiences you've all suffered are beyond words. I'm proud of the people who have opened up and helped themselves and I'm saddened for those who are struggling every day. I love everyone here equally, and I'm here if anyone needs to talk. Just know that. I'm working up the courage to even actually post this. I've been hurting a lot lately but I don't think I should even be allowed to say I have PTSD. My experience is so stupid in comparison to all the shit you've all had to deal with. I need to write it out because it's been a year since it happened and I don't know where else to talk about it. I don't want to talk to my family and I don't want to talk about it out loud. It's getting worse. But I feel so stupid and so weak. I've looked through all the tips and tricks, I've tried to bring up the courage to go back to therapy - I just can't. Not yet. I don't have the income for it yet. So I'm going to write it out here and if you want to ignore it, that's fine. I'm okay with that. I need to put it out there somewhere so I can go to work today and be a functioning adult. It's taken me two hours a lot of panic attacks to write this but here it is. Last year someone set my porch on fire. My alarms didn't work and if my wife hadn't been next to me, I wouldn't have woken up in time to save the house. I remember the shattering of the window above our front door. I remember calling 911 in a panic, unable to tell if we could get outside. I remember it being 2 am and feeling like I was going to die and regretting so much of my life. I remember running downstairs and searching for my cats, not being able to find them, being screamed at by the emergency operator to get outside through the back. There were people standing across the street before the fire trucks even came, watching us and talking to each other. I called my landlord who rushed over, I remember her being pissed that the alarms weren't working but hugging me anyway. The firemen put out the fire before it damaged more than the front room. They spoke to her. I remember her coming back over and yelling at us for 'smoking cigarettes' and that we 'caused the fire and my insurance rates are going to go up'. We don't smoke. Everyone left after they checked the house. I remember walking back in, covered in soot, picking up the pieces of glass that had burned into the hardwood floors. I remember sweeping up the ash, the smell of fire and smoke deep in my nostrils. I remember being unable to breathe for weeks afterward. I remember calling my boss and telling him I couldn't work the next day. I remember feeling like my neighbors were out to kill me. I believe it was a hate crime. Our car had gotten broken into, our porch furniture had been stolen, people were dumping trash in our yard, and they made snide comments when they saw us. We were the only lesbians in that area. I can't prove that, though. The insurance adjusters ruled it an accident, my landlord found a candle melted into the remains of our porch, and said she believes we lit the candle and then went to bed. I know we would never do that. We moved out about three months ago and while I feel safer, I don't feel safe. I've been having nightmares, I've been reliving moments I wish I could forget. I had to quit my kitchen job because the smell of smoke and seeing fire drives me into a panic. Last night I could have sworn I saw smoke in my apartment and it sent me into a sobbing fetal position. There was nothing there. There's never anything there. I've woken up to a crash that's in my head, I've woken up with the feeling of soot under my feet when I'm perfectly clean. I'm so tired but I can't seem to get any sleep. I just feel like it wasn't that bad. My brain is overreacting to something that could have been put out with three buckets of water. My whole mental stability is being pressured over a fire and why? Because it may have been malicious? Because someone might have wanted to scare us? I hate that it worked. I hate that the person who did this is never going to be punished. But why is my life becoming so fucked up over something that was not that bad? Why. It's coming up on the one-year anniversary and I'm feeling worse than I did after it first happened. I just need to get it off my chest. I'm sorry for the long-winded writing. I'm sorry for even posting on this sub but I don't know where else to turn. Thanks for reading, though. I love you all.",2.5810044652001167,4.328163422869476,3.5740313792962186,90.338402359592,76.04422869471412,6.3765187825160785,24.463411303647266,7.142973614403554,0.8922726612319583,3571,118,754,39,79,1146,345,927,0.193,0.73,0.077,-0.9990000000000001,4,0,7,0,1,1,91.0,16,3,5,10,43,47,13,8,47,1,82,20,9,6,11,153,158,54,2,23,18,1,16,4,1,6,4,6,14,2,49,57,2,2,30,3,1,24,24,31,0,4,42,31,104,16,120,95,14,121,0,5,6,5,60,57,4,9,39,507,153,10,0.04354086502784197,0.0,0.04248960342188405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03859634974171602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02960928129881448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03044478520300437,0.0,0.035830421995780216,0.0,0.0,0.049534019732534317,0.0,0.13392095035683022,0.07270960719020167,0.1061684287570973,0.04808746459122069,0.07410013840490445,0.09811128941585012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048606005199693166,0.13338027406193256,0.04979915017305684,0.0,0.04472846226686136,0.0,0.07501319969963484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13905535108919612,0.0,0.0,0.05616051179413298,0.04488871997073747,0.0,0.0,0.045188543682849365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274561137798373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503332282884607,0.0,0.03668505668806702,0.08321032487376327,0.0,0.08518264166836978,0.041046452510496864,0.0,0.1981401265322124,0.12442241070306602,0.0,0.0,0.03979556182616899,0.03703583754982117,0.0,0.04774031112851227,0.0,0.04025282811008807,0.11374152447057988,0.0,0.1732169389646564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700608629641137,0.0,0.0,0.12896276976559398,0.04468548905843051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029184524026118243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04287898141306717,0.10048062466737714,0.046611396545894884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04320759007444402,0.0,0.0481715160374572,0.0,0.09571568290923588,0.07098323263906675,0.04911599225799485,0.0,0.047307277251601984,0.0,0.061508401251043565,0.0850874692742381,0.0,0.0,0.03853229539852232,0.03656336057631415,0.0,0.0,0.07403377282120649,0.07859466127299101,0.04119941926341735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043878951027316565,0.0461899770886953,0.0,0.0,0.03475390306114054,0.04627704886076281,0.0320075456716038,0.1291399988553893,0.10074419795597153,0.0,0.09261240783490796,0.040860152289542435,0.0,0.041778634297838006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029504416989309532,0.03311478988019537,0.0,0.15325747112016944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055726051237052,0.0380182038928566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510033866973827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017938823814826,0.13131178626179216,0.0,0.046311069508123685,0.08710529560856506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5425564352139116,0.0,0.041417333399242376,0.03462544347249727,0.043592001658187496,0.0,0.034696432172391316,0.039637968240821615,0.0,0.0,0.044694072252036574,0.03601745348991512,0.0,0.043572309719841516,0.0,0.07378406728528587,0.06703977022526827,0.0,0.09748086731109078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455183658624369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498249005362776,0.07611327035128952,0.040086578617930864,0.04979277378335114,0.0,0.0,0.02789922820676741,0.08555735764161639,0.0,0.02538902854409596,0.05004381922950935,0.041271648946676745,0.0,0.0,0.029561389256460888,0.04735995807615415,0.042533098397066614,0.0,0.20949719833273425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272612119333943,0.0,0.034925855580842984,0.0,0.0,0.04036281809806976,0.11786657501790042,0.048611820869652864,0.050069845974805516,0.0,0.0,0.1901896098568118,0.0,0.08874372252707331,0.03093018126733198,0.0,0.0,0.08411666860378614 ptsd,rainbowunicorn199,2019/07/24,"Advice Throwaway account because my boyfriend follows me . Hello, I’m not exactly sure this will be beneficial for me but I need to try I guess . From the age of 5 till the time I was 13 my cousin would touch me and his sister. Fingering us “playing doctor” telling us that since it hurt it was our fault and something was wrong with us. See my cousin was caught with his sister but since I was so embarrassed I never said a things leading to her getting the help and therapy she needed while I dwelled with this self hatred for allowing it to continue so long. I finally snapped and was hospitalized for trying to kill myself. I opened up to the psychiatrist as much as I felt comfortable doing. Which wasn’t much. Anyway I bounced between plenty of therapists before giving up on therapy all together I’ve never really learned a good way to cope. (I had my first thoughts of self harm again recently and that’s scary to me I don’t want to fall back down that path) I recently got into a new relationship and I’ve never had a problem with this until recently. My mind likes to play this game where it twists the truth and so it has lead to a trust issue between me and my boyfriend. Which led to the flash backs returning, and it’s at very hard times like when we’re going to get intimate break down and start crying. Which makes me feel like complete shit as my boyfriend doesn’t deserve it. he’s very patient and understands since I opened up to him about what happened. He stops right away to make sure I’m ok I just don’t feel like it’s fair to him (or myself) Anyway I guess what I’m asking is how do I go about releasing this pent up trauma and how do I help myself cope?",4.011582089552238,5.387731471641795,4.676597014925374,85.40056716417912,71.59701492537313,8.106268656716418,27.13134328358209,8.608573733854374,1.8394202985074632,1333,46,270,23,25,427,184,335,0.166,0.688,0.146,-0.9148,0,0,1,0,0,1,21.0,4,0,0,3,15,23,2,2,11,1,20,3,2,8,8,55,48,27,1,5,5,4,6,4,0,2,1,1,0,2,22,19,0,1,6,3,1,8,8,10,0,1,14,8,44,13,45,31,3,48,0,1,1,0,27,14,1,3,28,179,66,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258897929373938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857881929892462,0.0,0.08902110538359044,0.14571439442854012,0.0,0.057758955049787786,0.0,0.08062559865332505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934397561850568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407884841789934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698103362098484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581728283308427,0.13537938747170564,0.09097522812177683,0.10379441503699796,0.0,0.0805946287917862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900633061786952,0.09089320271813307,0.10769765425583712,0.07947212725445761,0.07578053822801895,0.0,0.20875646192003064,0.0,0.08378745224026254,0.0,0.0848777337865686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701837117553305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014322464566832,0.0,0.0,0.098894784666259,0.0,0.0,0.10482726219310744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851610076797857,0.0,0.0,0.08385110880675499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264932350237851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567087821199433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930486969378705,0.14051241930091102,0.21923201348600133,0.09151051193533233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066332180431494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060699522637902084,0.0,0.2806637222518263,0.10172645378735838,0.0,0.08091631079559336,0.09012931343505434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550378920340546,0.0,0.1976906309908417,0.0,0.09725990825779374,0.2351354919521038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294347519917538,0.0,0.0,0.06706480994260308,0.0,0.0,0.07921556422032751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860223244180895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281601248843183,0.0,0.2167106448819568,0.11001249947995136,0.06294794538245561,0.0,0.0,0.07522122170240003,0.11049942251976196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865858321626994,0.0,0.0,0.09863849198682052,0.3419191393302401,0.0,0.0,0.1563579808213507,0.055886231772536266,0.07520844507875582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730795474383207,0.10359467146531114,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NeedMD4PTSDASAP,2019/07/24,"How do you find a competent psychiatrist? I don't want to make this long, but it's probably going to be.......My Service Dog is the only thing keeping me from killing myself and I can't take another shitty doctor. The last one put me on meds that made me paranoid and hallucinate, and I haven't gone back. I've seen several in the area, and they've all made me worse. I only had success was with one doctor where I used to live, but they're over 3 hours away now. I'm on medicare for my PTSD, so I don't have money to waste on useless doctor appointments and medications that I know don't work, to start at the lowest possible dosage. I'm losing control. I can't control my emotions. I can't stop thinking about the trauma - all day every day, whether I'm awake or sleeping, I can't distract myself. I'll have a movie playing on my laptop while I'm simultaneously playing a computer game and an Xbox game, while playing fetch with my dog, and I still can't get it out of my mind. I'm afraid of going out in public too, I've started having my groceries delivered, and the only other place I go is a local gas station like 2 miles away when I run out groceries or don't have it in me to make something for myself to eat. I've ordered delivery food, Pizza Hut or Papa John's and would eat it all week to avoid going to the grocery store, and when I did/do go, I do it at like 3 in the morning when no one is around. I had to go to the allergist for my asthma, and I ended up having a severe breakdown in the office because my PTSD was unmedicated. I was supposed to have tests done for my asthma, but I can't go back there, I felt embarrassed, ashamed, and I'm afraid of having another one if I go back, so I've been using Amwell to refill my asthma prescriptions. I'd use Amwell for psychiatry but because of some bullshit DEA regulation that Congress only recently allowed to be changed (the Ryan Haight Act), they can't prescribe half the medications I need. I've tried my general practitioner, but he's not comfortable managing psychiatric meds to being with, but particularly with how severe my PTSD is. I've gone through the Medicare website to find a doctor, but most of them are major physicians' groups that aren't taking new patients - one of those being religiously affiliated who have my religion on file as atheist (accurate, and I disclosed it when I had received services through the hospital). Every time I see a new doctor I have to relive the trauma explaining everything, usually twice (once with in-take, and then again with the doctor), which is so extensive it takes multiple appointments. That makes my PTSD worse before I even begin treatment, and they rarely even prescribe anything until the 2nd appointment, and even then they want me on their own custom cocktail of medications regardless of how they affected me, and at the starting dose to boot. The only anti-anxiety medication that works for me is Xanax, and I was at the maximum dose when it was effective (probably because it contributes to memory loss, so hit helped me forget the trauma). And doctors won't prescribe it because of the fucking opioid epidemic and all the doctors going to jail. Trazodone gives me RLS (restless legs) which keep me up doing the opposite of the purpose of taking it. Every time I try and get help, I feel like Tantalus of Greek mythology, made to stand in a pool of water beneath a fruit tree with low branches, with the fruit ever eluding his grasp, and the water always receding before he could take a drink. Sometimes I think my first suicide attempt was successful and this is my hell... Nobody listens, nothing works, and no matter what I do everything gets worse. I can't take it. And I don't know what to do anymore. Every day is an epic battle to resist killing myself, and the only people that care are more interested in my wallet than my symptoms. **TL;DR** How the hell do you find a competent doctor, one that will listen to you, one that is taking new patients, won't put you on meds that don't work and will put you meds that do work, and one that accepts medicare?",8.287660892738177,6.8982851784810135,8.530046635576284,70.93469686875417,62.40506329113924,11.303131245836113,37.371752165223185,10.247446810586672,3.7671139240506326,3241,131,587,59,38,1072,338,790,0.133,0.794,0.073,-0.9948,2,1,3,0,0,3,103.0,0,5,6,16,28,32,6,7,42,0,63,33,2,18,5,104,123,59,3,7,13,0,2,3,0,5,21,2,0,0,34,40,10,6,13,9,2,17,21,20,0,11,18,8,79,12,86,95,9,91,2,4,2,1,26,34,3,6,41,396,113,22,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03931888413233818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909930035986116,0.03614896984029267,0.0,0.04686299716768212,0.0,0.0,0.038885788917385665,0.04206583310296889,0.0,0.0,0.08879285917554837,0.1090055918362758,0.0,0.11522172724689632,0.0,0.08041887815615252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04817832133933382,0.0,0.04998817481350696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599814000004627,0.037728253876860934,0.0,0.0,0.09142422913869937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4352957032779727,0.0,0.04835696622184808,0.0,0.04629066024842559,0.0,0.09670471396876973,0.0,0.05315407979231515,0.04185277418546648,0.0,0.0,0.09363191795190406,0.042743699062450236,0.15925320343282642,0.0,0.08493720113750464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023892902881067882,0.03375807016563675,0.04537098581438954,0.0,0.12956714413272272,0.04019399384998987,0.0571393911341067,0.0,0.0,0.04368530678765199,0.0740643620478517,0.04533007826733555,0.2416984249409907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334635082264217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046535400013357424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840025628796073,0.10455848969256493,0.0,0.0519388222964595,0.03851809227088514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06925734861779388,0.0,0.041725904389058495,0.0418180591215407,0.0,0.052864830588642435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413784977342413,0.09462668393969023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995294095307812,0.19041262402694265,0.0,0.0,0.04771279113910296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035038037905843714,0.0,0.13691382449718656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045341223018632255,0.0,0.0,0.05032367430995738,0.25616277281064376,0.2156315205235108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032759782712350416,0.0,0.049370084573776375,0.0,0.0,0.05327147427822456,0.0,0.0,0.10189501430265184,0.0,0.2209483005158964,0.14250913381768907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046657352130538315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0376551004004612,0.0,0.0,0.1601497750617747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04728785049219497,0.0,0.0,0.036378225664727516,0.04673514172355951,0.0,0.10033928806897548,0.0,0.03773688535997791,0.03950622949478511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168790492297458,0.0,0.0,0.04911471279776379,0.2487024397440269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031393274806295494,0.06055655716999912,0.0,0.0,0.05510805342451544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416435412715987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243613800796276,0.05204330149002821,0.0,0.0557429419265062,0.0,0.03790408742703904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172006370825582,0.0,0.1444667465402959,0.033567690050638976,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,heylvrboy,2019/07/24,"Does PTSD get worse if it’s left untreated? I’ve had PTSD for over a year and it seems to be getting worse and more unbearable, and I don’t know why. It’s gotten to the point thinking about the future is very overwhelming because I know my condition will probably worsen within the next few months I’ve been seeing a therapist but we haven’t done anything to help my flashbacks or trauma besides talk about it. It’s not really helping me at all. He said to do EMDR but there is a long wait. The pain is so unbearable",1.8687272727272728,4.226990123809525,3.304155844155844,88.37493506493506,81.09523809523809,6.865800865800866,22.87878787878788,8.00094639256281,1.3397619047619052,413,14,83,8,11,135,74,105,0.16,0.807,0.033,-0.9101,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,7,0,11,1,0,0,1,15,21,8,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,2,6,0,10,14,3,10,0,1,1,0,6,5,0,3,5,52,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148781273667205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102127268804366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821746805278122,0.18501903202873915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891889000442624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24237005394401395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872360441135165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964374565292549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600004595923626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431116560536256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228062673511084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19238172178212315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091246252570402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493072444145024,0.0,0.4226861596559003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158237697426723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198021323232726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440725250437777,0.16459162555060616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531851030224446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099203066981836,0.0,0.11584799942975052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917720915298466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631419910527397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3684970293987042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164279253440684 ptsd,jadesdossier,2019/07/24,"Feeling Numb 8 months ago I experienced a traumatic incident between me and one of my closest friends. I don’t want to elaborate too much, but my friend had gotten really drunk and had what we believed to be a psychotic episode and physically attacked me. Since this incident, he has been attending therapy and I have as well. But although I’ve discussed it a couple times with my therapist...I’m not sure I’m really past what happened. I thought that maybe I was over it after talking about it several times, but I don’t really know how to treat this. I haven’t been diagnosed with PTSD and I don’t have reoccurring flashbacks besides a few small instances. But currently, due to other issues in our friendship, I feel less and less inclined to be around him or reach out to him. I don’t want to end our friendship but at the same time, I don’t mentally have the energy to deal with him. I just feel kinda blah about my relationship with him and I don’t know if I’m really “over” what happened, or just continuing to push it behind me.",4.539719471947199,6.016363698019807,5.667940594059408,78.4118778877888,70.43564356435644,9.743102310231023,31.288448844884485,10.047579312681364,3.2540029042904286,825,36,157,22,15,274,114,202,0.076,0.784,0.14,0.8935,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,3,0,0,0,9,7,1,0,6,0,18,3,0,1,1,37,31,18,0,3,11,0,3,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,11,14,1,0,6,1,0,2,8,2,1,1,7,4,27,5,26,22,5,21,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,4,11,116,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354903347588296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341173671875148,0.0,0.17139497656446406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697397287857727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16669997010546667,0.0,0.0,0.15532155776850984,0.0,0.15291447729786398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133438077156546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22853130385165124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327956571322385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664523579423067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572475821735215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655951537717128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135599169162087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182760905754994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202536041462322,0.0,0.110750804596368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020896120633122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381990009821455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611088479581558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860609315691673,0.0,0.0,0.16175007564990618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020041050402984,0.0,0.12462567403470914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14199317647055726,0.0,0.0,0.12109301826855247,0.0,0.0,0.1722903035481245,0.17492529672285434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196054501838299,0.2635492925351081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772372633556385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545943919215056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Rozar91,2019/07/11,"PTSD and Anxiety from Festival Shooting I’m 28 years old, I have been silently struggling with PTSD for a year and a half and it has been so difficult. I get episodes of sadness and anxiety or just the feeling of crying. but I don’t speak about it, i have to stay strong for my husband and my child. But some days are so tough, I breath and I wake up grateful to be alive but there’s this sadness in my heart that never goes away. I don’t know if is fear or the survivor guilt I have, or just This fear of loosing them or leaving them, I don’t know if it’s normal. I’ve been strong for so long, i never got therapy since I felt like it was mind over matter. But there’s days where it gets overwhelming, no one understands. I was 7 months pregnant at the time of the shooting, i ran for our lives and left people behind, that guilt never went away. I was selfish because I had to save myself and baby unborn child and that haunts me, I was in charge of 200 people working that night, we survived but the trauma never went away, that night is engraved in my mind. As much as I try to forget I can’t. I advice on how to deal with this, I have a full time job, a toddler and a busy life but I need help dealing with this feeling I get, how do I heal, what can I do to make it better.",2.6248888888888864,3.6105537481481487,3.7475925925925933,92.2391666666667,74.48148148148148,6.437037037037038,24.24074074074073,6.508806274219699,0.5519407407407408,992,29,225,7,20,322,141,270,0.157,0.688,0.155,0.5636,1,0,0,2,0,0,27.0,2,0,2,5,11,18,0,6,10,0,24,5,3,3,4,49,40,29,0,4,14,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,16,14,0,0,6,0,0,3,9,12,0,2,13,4,34,6,33,26,3,32,0,3,0,0,11,13,0,7,16,159,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910183041152297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082192007629354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146929240399409,0.0,0.0,0.06806001930960721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874421383071064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264086888237315,0.1440083671537089,0.2302098417586469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512716851861212,0.11290588817253493,0.0,0.10720027357362656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499553362289344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929567528785037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323042627655357,0.0748357790357341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079412021878184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271842586912825,0.0,0.0,0.1182198665272364,0.12130665362281665,0.0,0.07886078801122398,0.05454592169824427,0.0,0.09858785929653356,0.0988055978436661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745263830589775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22546674581846804,0.0,0.08911693772306373,0.0,0.08207465070229222,0.08278610617709542,0.3444414823243619,0.0,0.0,0.20954950818249496,0.10939203371587744,0.0,0.0,0.11715654321783925,0.0,0.07565605758771751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480631976317916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610227421311612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923569693440577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900267298753173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116719476620572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768003388002427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020652509922914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758021474808365,0.0,0.0,0.1162302479936954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206998951481508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128159297372385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437962215686975 ptsd,emminet,2019/07/11,"Help? I have anxiety and depression (diagnosed) and I truly believe that my past traumas have given me PTSD Something triggered me and now I’m crying with flashbacks in my bathroom what can I do",3.610833333333337,6.5544039722222225,4.63666666666667,77.85000000000005,78.72222222222223,6.933333333333335,34.0,8.07648339933343,3.3048,157,9,24,3,4,51,28,36,0.27,0.6,0.129,-0.7269,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,5,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,2,5,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,19,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26791988392012384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945817548183638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847038757104865,0.0,0.0,0.30164683539509424,0.3554693012705072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347473113915481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343277909332435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093923235440692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696190248400992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,IHavewaytoomanyaccou,2019/07/11,"Struggling a bit Does anyone else feel like their PTSD amplifies their anger way beyond whats normal or acceptable? I always find myself losing my shit after 1 or 2 things go wrong and its so infuriating. No matter how hard I try to keep calm over literally anything i cant. And if i keep getting angrier i get a full blown panic attack, i had the other day from losing too much in a damn game. My therapist told me its cuz since ive been a kid ive always lived in ""Soldier mode"" and thats just how i had to survive. Now...im past that, my life has kind of calmed down and being in this ""soldier mode"" just makes everything harder in my day to day to life. But ive been stuck in it since i was 10 and im almost 30 now and its such a struggle, ive been in and out of therapy and am currently out rn. I need people who struggle with the inability to stay calm to talk to, and im 1000% certain of it being cuz of my ptsd since ptsd fucks with the connectors in your brain and makes you jump to strong emotions way too fast.",3.17462015503876,3.9040899348837215,4.763720930232559,86.43829457364346,72.90697674418605,7.779844961240313,24.10077519379845,8.021203637495839,1.1015333333333333,796,21,176,11,15,269,128,215,0.221,0.7,0.079,-0.9861,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,2,4,10,20,5,4,8,0,15,5,2,6,1,36,27,19,0,3,6,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,12,14,0,2,3,1,0,2,2,12,0,0,8,2,24,8,28,17,3,26,0,2,0,1,9,13,3,4,9,111,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105344164501427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750722483818231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355937575939775,0.1077914288255165,0.0865719188895868,0.0,0.0,0.11968196018079792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148528549143076,0.0,0.0,0.11743973152731058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20353890636894914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206259278179818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788240295536985,0.118337593566825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454837734174143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053193068929399734,0.07515601441075168,0.0,0.0,0.09615231857962434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725714563544433,0.10992694456129673,0.0,0.05978847006489466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942399327216416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409072075655463,0.0,0.0,0.1870159578241033,0.0,0.10955123432297464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861394389272392,0.051396167545815344,0.0,0.09289490353503377,0.0,0.0,0.23538726888400716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044571440090325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733525014199295,0.07800562262165628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307519092155502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234313619545709,0.0,0.0,0.10042679139016034,0.07293351455050695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36892497651954975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079878880104825,0.2610714489356797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213086384538856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299385319458571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455702775593686,0.0,0.0,0.12030715054842192,0.12214711782480288,0.06989124088450774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052459745793653,0.0,0.07142495260801653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16700820081138418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150213893994939,0.0,0.0 ptsd,808mancho,2019/07/11,"Word of advice (explicit advice) When it comes down to this I’ve always been walking on egg shells about ptsd. Because I saw and felt what it does to you, at times of conflict or out of randomness it occurs. I have learned by myself to learn from it and to adapt to it but to also challenge it, when thoughts or feelings come. It’s okay I always tell myself and it is true I am okay I have no medical illness or diseases. My mindset has always helped me and I hope by telling you the reddit community. I hope some well agree disagree and some will give me more advice then what I have. One thing I learned from my mindset is to stop or to never engage in the victim mindset. Meaning what is done is done, dwell on it for a few I agree your a human being. but to fond and to idolize what was done or what happened has been always a no no. I learned that I couldn’t control people or their actions I was a kid but I couldn’t control people. It’s not your fault don’t blame yourself.( I can sit here and say what happened but I’m not.) because one it’s done with nothing can honestly change it, and 2 the goal with this is to idolize yourself and to help you get on the Road of recovery. Vices, Pride and Ego All these things cooked me. It’s not a weak thing or weak to ask for help it’s actually a great thing. I got my head out of my ass because of this I met a person and I started to get out of my comfort zone and started to challenge myself. The world is big it’s not small it feel small when you trap yourself in a cycle of negative thoughts. It was uncomfortable I agree at first and I failed at times but i got the second time coming. Failures: At times you will fail like every human being does but when you have ptsd it feels like the end of the world like relax man it’s not. I learned that too. Forgiveness Biggest one and it takes a while this one is the hardest for us. Forgive but forgive for yourself, forgive yourself what happened the person and whatever occurred. Don’t fall into a victim mindset it’s okay we all go through troubles in life some worse then others and some not as much. We all take things differently but never idolize the trauma, idolize yourself because when you idolize the trauma the negative cycle of thoughts begins. Ps- I hope I didn’t offend anyone or hurt anyone, i just wanted to tell my mindset and how I felt with ptsd and how I still live with it.",2.3706285072951734,4.338205600823045,3.382747848858962,90.48312289562293,77.35390946502058,5.488140665918444,25.242985409652075,6.234304977863048,0.7403802469135807,1886,69,385,13,44,604,198,486,0.149,0.67,0.18100000000000002,0.9132,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,3,9,1,9,14,37,3,1,23,3,34,9,2,4,7,97,68,46,0,6,23,0,5,3,0,2,5,1,0,6,42,31,2,4,18,2,0,7,18,13,1,6,19,7,52,24,56,43,10,51,0,3,1,1,33,22,1,16,24,286,94,10,0.0,0.0,0.07403311109683032,0.0,0.0,0.22240264341945706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066906128484913,0.2525023978632662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060928784330469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092335651365267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18498593651504547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025490984647149,0.1960524492998035,0.0,0.0,0.17017767104588893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926257962734219,0.0,0.0,0.13277961324981186,0.3105441620192668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719370394319256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391937459181768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507858251542807,0.05419783554493749,0.14568422991093066,0.0,0.0,0.06453056877621695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927246421995346,0.07277643879279072,0.043115719925629965,0.0,0.12135203815270368,0.08364122104025046,0.0,0.0,0.2012610032614963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785918223409702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15255174928892673,0.0,0.0,0.22605262308644594,0.0,0.0,0.08121484836178397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053585559013026564,0.11119114251046512,0.0,0.06699001728907987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08263901880783217,0.0,0.07642581486483496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055769364592898406,0.0,0.11702323704272083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727943314446812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056318350753772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519021420479142,0.13248445199901074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26604570988221593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060330742038795515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739500622667117,0.0,0.06058573540143195,0.06342637830460045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408179151351293,0.0,0.19892756389994476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520060443059008,0.0,0.0,0.18068455528363286,0.17694952359828894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125602564846376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044747030628532365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821157534149726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731272287668932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hugh-mongoose,2019/07/11,"Is anyone here because of psychedelics? If so, I’d love to know what you experience.",2.293125,5.122662062500002,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,84.625,5.7,26.75,7.1686216300943375,1.4469749999999997,67,3,13,1,2,21,16,16,0.0,0.758,0.242,0.6682,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40821332393406895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558849808826639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5710779213101245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32084654902691484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5269110573089842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,makjunt,2019/07/11,"I’ve found my peace, but the night still haunts me. It was December and I was with my superiors. I won’t say what branch or where, but it was a cabin. If you know anything about the military then you know it takes a lot to gain the respect of your elders/superiors. It takes time and bonding and hard work. So me and my buddy get invited to this cabin party for one of the guys retirements I see it as a great time to bond and bring everyone closer. All of the people my rank either weren’t interested or left before I got a chance to. I was drunk, and I was having such a good time with these guys who were supposed to be my teachers, my examples to go off of. Why would I leave? Not like I could drive anyway, I was off my ass drunk. There was one guy there who I wasn’t familiar with, he had previously been with my guys before my time. He was younger, in his 30s, wife, kids, the whole package. The last thing I remember is sitting on the porch, unable to stand by myself being led inside. I don’t remember any of my superiors leaving. I don’t remember being taken to bed. I don’t know when my clothes were taken off of me. I just remember the warm breath of the previously mentioned married man on my skin It was 5AM and 8 degrees outside. I couldn’t find my shirt so I left it. I was still drunk when I got to my room. Nobody ever asked me what happened that night aside from the people my rank. The superiors never gave it a second thought and to this day won’t ask me about that night. any time I’m about to have a drill weekend I have flashbacks. I wish I could just forget everything about that night.",2.3673305999136818,4.0255671993957725,3.85056862321968,88.5111744712991,76.40181268882175,7.024643936124297,22.99967630556755,7.83500028581142,0.9749567544238232,1257,37,272,19,28,416,164,331,0.073,0.7979999999999999,0.129,0.9684,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,3,0,4,18,9,0,0,19,0,32,7,4,1,3,42,53,19,0,6,9,1,3,1,0,3,0,1,3,6,19,12,3,0,10,4,0,4,10,0,0,3,23,5,47,9,36,21,4,36,0,0,1,1,20,11,1,4,20,190,66,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288582740441907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796620069998299,0.0,0.1771456133250491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124025174623108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129067434237434,0.0,0.0,0.061102011783043024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857013297799571,0.0,0.09053190735770099,0.08514975592819644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659425670937064,0.0,0.0,0.10388185434610783,0.0,0.0,0.0494998050865248,0.0,0.0538451719265888,0.0794667327706645,0.15155078865075505,0.10445554277721596,0.0,0.3752456368004256,0.08378176483678171,0.0,0.08487197237593161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562063965793431,0.07722896709007279,0.0,0.2006403327891891,0.20587916453802985,0.0,0.0,0.046287109786693065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054792085668039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307237741640461,0.0,0.0,0.3556431274422075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840190923765335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136705541787244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4293057185664688,0.0,0.0,0.0753441942553893,0.0,0.0,0.07549866408619459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132528667576256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424713234136867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294367254261972,0.0,0.0,0.07521611576557173,0.2762298048401032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549168120084745,0.10577824014356678,0.10895087031764993,0.0,0.0,0.06897472625773149,0.0,0.0,0.0673033859511804,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ElectricViolence,2019/07/11,"PTSD poem full version I am a ghost, a hollow shell Between two worlds No heaven, no hell I won't lie to ease your mind I tell myself whatever helps me sleep at night Nothing is as it seems Monsters and demons are real I've seen some terrible things I have incredible nightmares when I sleep I feel a little crazy Just like I'm gonna drown It's rising all around me I'm anchored to the ground Until I feel the thunder Rage racing through my veins Some kind of primal hunger I'm fighting to contain This is the sickness that I hide Hell is a place inside my mind I am the enemy, I am the monster I defy I'd tear me apart rather than live in the dark Where no one survives",1.1412765957446815,3.36168596453901,2.637702127659576,92.89400000000002,82.97163120567376,4.894751773049647,20.747517730496455,6.079149491110277,0.0967509219858158,535,16,113,4,15,174,99,141,0.282,0.664,0.054000000000000006,-0.9852,0,0,0,0,2,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,5,8,4,0,10,0,9,5,3,0,1,14,17,4,2,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,2,1,1,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,2,1,4,18,3,12,14,5,14,4,0,1,0,4,10,2,3,4,68,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18784850409505774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21339152150919027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414392199577551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21974013763350272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309149869599908,0.21149293434836544,0.18633052392690755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261309371784605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19802372181968536,0.0,0.20247503233899686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14298954201006128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046625135247447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466657895058253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24018179936285156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210055657151545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223357210154781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443681961860656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018930034197913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613145015775325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ec_centric,2019/07/11,"Recovering Memories For a bit of backstory, I've been struggling with PTSD since I was very young. I've struggled with identifying and expressing emotions my whole life because of this. A have quite a few explicit memories of things that occured; more so snapshots of events or a couple of phrases. My problem is I don't think I remember a lot of the things that caused my PTSD and the ones I do give me the feeling they were common occurrences, something that I know is true. There's been multiple occasions where I've brought up what I thought was a funny or sweet memory only for mom to tell me that something horrible happened immediately before/after. I brought this up to my psychiatrist and asked her if she thought it was possible that some of my memories might be sort of blocked off due to trauma. ""No."" She insists it's not possible. But I *know* that some therapies focus on recovering buried memories. And the severity of some of my panic attacks in reaction to certain things leave me drawing a blank. I know for a fact that as a child my parents were constantly fighting, but I only have one memory of this actually occuring. Basically, I'm curious if I'm just being paranoid and looking for problems that aren't there. I've never really had an amazing long term memory, which is a very plausible explanation, but I don't understand why I can't remember so many of the events that still haunt me. At the very least I want to find a better explanation than ""that doesn't happen"". I trust my psychiatrist but I'd really like a second opinion.",6.30031149301826,7.246460380952383,7.261743644826358,70.55982277121377,65.93877551020408,11.35954171142141,36.221983530254214,11.20814326018867,4.479580952380953,1248,61,218,38,19,419,161,294,0.11,0.7979999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.2332,1,0,2,0,2,0,29.0,0,0,1,2,7,15,2,3,19,0,22,1,0,1,5,45,40,16,0,5,10,2,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,20,7,0,1,11,0,0,2,8,8,0,3,12,3,30,7,31,25,10,19,0,0,1,0,12,7,0,11,11,156,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.10708863876950264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025903895363433,0.12484302791131052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689537910607271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705450697402423,0.11980567622806294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273134490928735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858799292783552,0.0,0.0,0.1214232145996646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234406879224123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548692366844087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029871313972016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052708666345059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19408222940019812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092770994829133,0.0,0.0,0.11619689311625668,0.0,0.0,0.07751132550545417,0.05361253416775245,0.0,0.0,0.09711484058631764,0.092152437246315,0.0,0.0,0.09329548072823668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125729563896657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164148726480056,0.0,0.12852403613153165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463685352162886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872286858980735,0.1669216695763163,0.0,0.12875411584458582,0.1218512679552065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474266305517286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000924541960872,0.2565561318861673,0.0,0.0,0.11672006783265193,0.0,0.0,0.1406021828102661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486239431574228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397291347147105,0.0,0.090776560747854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689636324811308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763705640443352,0.0,0.0,0.22944435563783025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591601071541984,0.0,0.12549517848101424,0.0,0.21871552212178733,0.0703157980016269,0.0,0.1742397222479696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142413208518376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716364863497317,0.06472642481172095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902164340268894,0.1225187647281457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,forlbw,2019/07/11,"Most common symptoms of PTSD Post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms may start within one month of a traumatic event, but sometimes symptoms may not appear until years after the event. These symptoms cause significant problems in social or work situations and in relationships. They can also interfere with your ability to go about your normal daily tasks. PTSD symptoms are generally grouped into four types: intrusive memories, avoidance, negative changes in thinking and mood, and changes in physical and emotional reactions. Symptoms can vary over time or vary from person to person. **Intrusive memories** Symptoms of intrusive memories may include: * Recurrent, unwanted distressing memories of the traumatic event * Reliving the traumatic event as if it were happening again (flashbacks) * Upsetting dreams or nightmares about the traumatic event * Severe emotional distress or physical reactions to something that reminds you of the traumatic event **Avoidance** Symptoms of avoidance may include: * Trying to avoid thinking or talking about the traumatic event * Avoiding places, activities or people that remind you of the traumatic event **Negative changes in thinking and mood** Symptoms of negative changes in thinking and mood may include: * Negative thoughts about yourself, other people or the world * Hopelessness about the future * Memory problems, including not remembering important aspects of the traumatic event * Difficulty maintaining close relationships * Feeling detached from family and friends * Lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed * Difficulty experiencing positive emotions * Feeling emotionally numb **Changes in physical and emotional reactions** Symptoms of changes in physical and emotional reactions (also called arousal symptoms) may include: * Being easily startled or frightened * Always being on guard for danger * Self-destructive behavior, such as drinking too much or driving too fast * Trouble sleeping * Trouble concentrating * Irritability, angry outbursts or aggressive behavior * Overwhelming guilt or shame For children 6 years old and younger, signs and symptoms may also include: * Re-enacting the traumatic event or aspects of the traumatic event through play * Frightening dreams that may or may not include aspects of the traumatic event",8.899856656167639,13.46516918429003,7.619435623834933,52.97865141094046,74.67975830815709,11.759619463906922,48.13016648454072,10.297328927527833,8.199070784855692,1884,136,178,74,47,574,165,331,0.35100000000000003,0.551,0.098,-0.9991,1,5,2,0,0,1,68.0,0,5,1,1,12,28,2,13,14,0,15,16,2,1,0,66,26,32,0,6,18,0,2,0,1,9,13,0,0,3,6,14,1,7,8,4,0,3,7,21,0,2,2,3,6,4,45,13,3,43,0,2,0,1,16,16,0,25,24,131,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13792496207354127,0.04783655088664114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870404353293879,0.0,0.0,0.0590583940813323,0.36490280753872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588888633637797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056318625856647465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880132255421349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05419675627439627,0.0,0.058137665385053224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044416877871903855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03267307316983885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050838499253795966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588822416034482,0.0,0.04226199940815592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056328306299185615,0.0,0.0,0.06032641890970161,0.061225313486226736,0.03895692803607912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971309701873096,0.10039665814455112,0.06006514719599665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550598338390256,0.0,0.0,0.11002094214962817,0.13440621286925902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344617497451013,0.06512532439341169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997494092129031,0.06494769653551659,0.0,0.0,0.06462152733999499,0.05753183785114816,0.058604140324793275,0.0,0.04425885631238455,0.056859395544613375,0.0,0.04069194371069125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585496620969104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7170534494697854,0.0,0.04620854074197135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734990030909562,0.0,0.045640891579102894,0.03352306735146409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03903215285791755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04185363696045008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404376112272175 ptsd,4fauxsake,2019/07/11,"Two years ago I gave up - today I found out I “no longer qualify to have a PTSD diagnosis” Two years ago, I made my first of three suicide attempts. Along with my untreated Manic Depression,my PTSD was unbearable. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t go out anywhere, touch or noise could send my into a flash back or panic and I didn’t want to face another 40 years of hell. After some time in hospital, a ridiculous amount of hard work, my amazing therapist, some great meds, and a tribe of humans that I couldn’t have survived without, I was told today by my treatment team that I don’t have enough symptoms anymore to be classified as having PTSD. I just needed to share. I’m very proud of myself.",5.979264705882351,6.064640161764707,6.2238235294117645,80.71970588235297,66.5,9.447058823529412,30.970588235294123,9.188382445141503,2.4871794117647057,546,19,107,9,8,175,88,136,0.133,0.736,0.131,-0.1045,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,6,2,7,2,1,4,0,13,3,2,1,0,21,21,5,1,6,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,7,3,0,4,7,2,17,4,20,9,4,18,1,0,0,0,6,5,1,4,11,70,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568225093935936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15190023922067242,0.0,0.0,0.14366399065420368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138979061872946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156603683065895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496809744242318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321938215258355,0.0,0.1588334983140079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232830534507822,0.0,0.0,0.1597106576699777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976772860027538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707174786730447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609088148960014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074131970739194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16996412259964205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5080071138023831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496642813646346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845530884888706,0.0,0.0,0.15056688788202044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819572741009453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447008674906875,0.0,0.2746241165350608,0.1384216680109935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830178795590325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952616495825262,0.08544324917282603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964161607939934,0.0,0.10546112346306057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279858769769936 ptsd,thebrainpolice01,2019/07/11,"After “forgetting” about my abuse, I’ve finally recalled it, 13 years later. TRIGGER WARNING: Sexual Abuse This happened today. I was having enjoyable sex with my boyfriend, and after we were finished, he left. I was in a giddy after sex sort of mood afterward, but then I started to turn a bit reflective. This is my first boyfriend. I’m a 17 year old female. At that point I thought that he was the first one I’ve ever done anything sexual with. Then a thought that I’ve usually always pushed away popped up. “How come before him, the feeling and taste of a penis felt so familiar?” I began to really try thinking long and hard about all of the penises I’ve seen in real life. Most of them were in an accidental context except for one. I’ve seen this mental image before in my head, but pushed it away for some reason I didn’t know. Then I tried to focus in on it. I noticed something. Orange paint on the walls. My brother’s room. As I noticed this, an overwhelming number of images came flashing in my head. I was play wrestling with my brother (like we always did). I was around 4, he was around 12. I felt something hard coming from his sweatpants. At this point I’ve likely heard the word “penis,” but had no idea what it really was until a bit later. Again, I was around 4. He waited a bit and he slid his sweatpants down a little bit. I looked at it, probably very confused. He grabbed my hand and made me touch his penis. I don’t remember if he said anything during this, probably not. But I do remember him pushing my head down a little and asking me to suck it. I reluctantly sucked at the head, but I guess he felt my teeth too much and/or felt guilty and he asked me to stop and to never tell mom or dad or anyone about it. That’s it. That’s the memory. After my boyfriend left, I texted him about this. He asked me if I was sure and after some talking, he didn’t really know what to say. I told him how I felt disgusting because it was not only forced, I was a child and this was my brother. I’ve always looked up to my brother. He was always cool, stoic, and handsome. He’s just a male role model. After finally recalling this after good therapy, sex, and some introspection, I don’t want to look my brother in the eyes. I don’t know what to think. I don’t know whether he remembers or not. Whether I should tell him. All I know is that if I tell my mother about this, she will very likely take my brother’s side. He’s the favorite, she always protects him, and she has been very frustrated with me lately. I’ve been a bit rebellious and she doesn’t really trust me anymore. It sucks. I’ve been thinking about this memory nonstop since I’ve uncovered it. It’s really starting to mess with me. Plenty of things are starting to make sense: my hypersexuality, my knowledge about sex from a very early age, my knowledge of the male genitalia even more than my own, the way my brother detaches himself from me almost as if he feels guilty.... I just want to get my story out there. Why now? How do I continue further? Also, I apologize that my writing is all over the place. I just need to get this off my chest and I don’t really know what to do with this flood of information.",2.7622898799313877,4.6237387452830205,4.133654659805604,86.02243739279591,75.8553459119497,7.078284734133793,24.29948542024014,7.9396628663295825,1.3312230188679242,2486,81,499,39,55,820,264,636,0.087,0.8390000000000001,0.073,-0.8304,0,0,2,0,2,0,89.0,2,0,1,2,27,19,5,2,27,1,40,15,9,7,6,108,92,40,0,8,21,10,12,3,0,2,1,3,1,3,37,30,1,3,27,1,0,7,13,8,0,4,38,23,83,10,78,52,15,82,0,1,6,5,61,36,3,15,41,330,120,0,0.0,0.14295901967753025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060410364798036985,0.0,0.0,0.04824474871976082,0.2509910833887531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059829746899081875,0.042183150295723316,0.0,0.09929057249896674,0.16111569680301766,0.16919725347148298,0.0,0.11336138557058575,0.0,0.0,0.036775746298248466,0.0,0.10267036717209373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293159567170591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899983108246899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393547059023242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061737089488929114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03984646232145876,0.05457066024365444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100789187442149,0.0,0.28962451847923754,0.13217403504912495,0.0,0.10263092948594227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303839280999345,0.0,0.0,0.05060075597234663,0.0,0.0,0.06645873938572247,0.0,0.05334836968411923,0.0,0.1080851272816296,0.0,0.2476581376312237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810363078501554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19893008002334275,0.0,0.06805327314768253,0.0,0.13109437120869233,0.0,0.042611864677672015,0.08842049994962016,0.12093018485154305,0.0,0.053388900502890566,0.15198245521093526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708436710250628,0.04026979985761124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079702562070699,0.0,0.0,0.07065611121667223,0.0,0.0,0.04434845247419425,0.04473288236870898,0.046529124943861515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736899086285834,0.06330470302924017,0.0,0.08176042287366292,0.045882608440598584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303053246607797,0.0,0.11406002807412415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300888394780303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866713889146607,0.2318882233619437,0.06202783449481824,0.0,0.0,0.20502158398854567,0.0,0.057386300740131777,0.04797571328939078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990443005931875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288778634326446,0.0,0.0,0.12810265181546854,0.0,0.0,0.050437399536196685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685897868926992,0.0,0.04535958896107107,0.048489832513738236,0.15818953071857908,0.0,0.06899099619651049,0.0,0.04007963210874767,0.1159683665429128,0.0,0.0957883176102206,0.0,0.0,0.0571844458373184,0.05764654959627598,0.0,0.08191830013848242,0.06562017817515818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644341472227283,0.19910960748634654,0.0711667265953925,0.04788602379177286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054437165682828685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769926333698042 ptsd,WineInTheTub,2019/07/11,"I feel crazy. Am I crazy? Currently going to cognitive therapy for sever PTSD. I feel crazy, out of control of my emotions, and have a lot of negative self talk. Self talk usually telling me I’m crazy or that I’m overreacting. Its almost like imposter syndrome. Like one part of me is living with the trauma and is really struggling and the other part is fighting back, in denial that it ever happened. I don’t have a strong community of those dealing with PTSD and it can be very isolating. My partner is amazing but doesn’t fully understand psychiatric disorders. I am debating going on an antidepressant as I have been falling back into depression. I just feel crazy. Am I crazy? Is this normal? Drowning here.",3.587240259740259,6.406872507575759,4.982597402597406,76.13318181818184,77.7121212121212,8.316883116883117,29.883116883116887,9.04235418022936,3.249411688311688,569,27,93,15,14,189,85,132,0.20600000000000002,0.737,0.057,-0.9561,1,0,0,0,2,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,5,8,1,1,5,0,16,0,0,1,1,20,25,7,1,1,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,8,8,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,4,0,1,1,3,12,4,14,23,3,12,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,3,7,71,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270275239622738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345200778668961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103727176602734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721671739683465,0.1313446126523461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747736692924023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153751548673096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379413954400784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23131973391306976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733340234587971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485174131709893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900372097511572,0.0,0.1346567939526402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964667679364275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941373764727964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333526085819543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302766934703706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565194117704589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769286576903934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181732481224746,0.17227711480281288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942196763074454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24514107513949376,0.1332882573034858,0.0,0.17439250772587853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875375190037852,0.0,0.0,0.1679528395601539,0.12582520066442965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lolaflo,2019/07/11,"PTSD has made me feel like someone is going to murder me. Please help! For the last 2 years I (21F) have suffered PTSD from an incident in college where an athlete beat me in a stairwell when I was walking home from my friends dorm late at night. This has severely impacted my life, as you would expect. I’ve been through therapy, tried all the coping mechanisms to relieve the pain I felt after that incident. However, one thing I cannot get over is my fear of something happening like this, but in my sleep. I’m not sure if i sound crazy, but I live in an apartment in a new college town (transferred universities because I couldn’t be in that environment, and also switched my major). My unit holds 3 people but the other 2 have moved out. Til August 1st, I am here alone, and every night i go through the same thing. Im scared to be home alone for many reasons. Typically I am fine when the sun is out, but as soon as the sun goes down, my anxiety peaks. All of the sudden I start hearing noises and I am scared someone is in my unit. It’s not just a quick scare, like I full blown think someone is in my apartment. I have literally locked myself in my room, called cops, and made them come check out my apartment. It’s always been clear. For some reason I cannot move past this. I cannot fall asleep because I am scared someone is going to attack me while I am asleep and my pain will start over again. I need help with this. I am patiently waiting for my roommates come back, but it seems like a light year away. Literally, as I am writing this, I hear noises and I am freaking out. I think i am going insane. Sometimes I talk myself into thinking the most obscure things like “there is a murderer under my bed” or things like that. But in the morning, I always look back on it and tell myself i’m so stupid for thinking someone was in here. I feel like I have tried everything to ensure my safety. My dad has come up to put 2 extra locks on my door. Yes, two EXTRA! I am hoping someone could give me some words of wisdom or advice because this is simply ruining me internally and physically. I don’t know if medication is something I should seek out.",4.462327987169203,5.271934411627907,5.2034562951082615,84.16593023255817,70.0,7.884522854851644,28.31595829991981,7.990435384864732,1.6978235765838008,1687,58,342,21,29,547,214,430,0.142,0.731,0.127,-0.8789,1,2,2,0,0,0,50.0,0,1,1,1,14,27,4,5,18,1,41,7,3,4,4,64,72,28,2,9,13,1,3,7,1,3,4,3,6,0,18,18,0,2,11,0,1,12,7,14,0,2,7,8,60,13,51,58,10,67,0,2,1,0,13,33,0,10,29,234,78,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387975978756982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660674666259033,0.0,0.06046082373861584,0.12581786043392504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783717089844127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601093720830752,0.07103283708202959,0.1162702574333236,0.0,0.1382632498125369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720056127831089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537952837255296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036397376789311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06369998082768355,0.0,0.06794837362625883,0.0,0.0,0.08507598668577357,0.07645572824329172,0.10802361904074093,0.0725920952096586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841178384955972,0.0,0.039500186627457017,0.07252664447066243,0.1718709264709219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685673491533609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704233419991829,0.0,0.10135209203771073,0.0,0.15167478625327502,0.07509224367211642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166574249364644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04155020951766878,0.0616276893973883,0.08528507375005992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053401634536759786,0.2585554893149239,0.0,0.06676008399973975,0.0,0.0634886675386957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430774519176388,0.0,0.07665101070736126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616349460110759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071105738000652,0.0,0.05605971609314162,0.0,0.07301921558473254,0.0,0.14189924467565146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051231508582140005,0.0,0.16089685714175722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07217296938688303,0.05241458220527463,0.0,0.0,0.08299094460946535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767550316525783,0.07600331963001418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554678620076698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027728367414668,0.0,0.0,0.06882742034333511,0.0,0.08541146954318297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565901607764537,0.0,0.3843562553079053,0.1164079454572846,0.07477470010267104,0.0,0.10702638881112636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125626684177505,0.0,0.0,0.06076796531281976,0.06608159152288481,0.0,0.08646023808349135,0.0,0.20091285677630727,0.1937770266503457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026608706039576,0.0,0.07385452816586284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05370720755535077,0.0,0.0,0.09737352955293324 ptsd,Kiwi-licious,2019/07/11,"suicidal episode When I get like this I feel like I want to go to sleep and I don’t want to wake up. It’s going to pass, I know... But when the sudden urge to want to die hits, it feels like it will last an eternity. I needed to get it out to help me feel better and not so alone. If you feel the same and you’re reading this let’s hang on. This will pass...",-1.2299999999999969,0.5112237777777793,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000003,89.0,4.587654320987656,13.938271604938276,5.82211442006289,-1.2393358024691359,270,4,74,2,9,90,49,81,0.096,0.685,0.21899999999999997,0.7,0,1,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,4,2,2,0,0,17,18,8,2,5,3,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,5,1,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,4,8,4,11,14,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,8,43,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21625584343182808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18466835205767426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167034531175141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223061483314059,0.2983363021587401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21818079634179266,0.0,0.23733391413498725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399555422373836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147520882145884,0.1702014534290881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21351413531348806,0.0,0.3060302496939495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482399634277216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885844956275934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089527390584874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283954376744794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36947039072893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwingthisjawnaway,2019/07/11,"Could this be considered traumatic So my father has strangled me twice in my life. Once when in kindergarten, and another in 6th or 7th grade. I’m 16 now and thankfully I no longer live with him. For the first time I don’t really remember what I did for him to behave like that. All I remember is him holding me by the throat against the wall and strangling me. I must’ve went unconscious and I don’t know how long I was unconscious but I woke up on the floor. I’m guessing he felt bad because when I woke up he didn’t interact with me and let me go on in my room to watch TV. I didn’t really process it or think anything of it. It was as if it never happened and to this day he has never acknowledged that this took place. The second time I clearly remembered what happened. My father has always played this “game” where he’ll touch me and won’t listen to me telling me to stop until I get angry and have a reaction of which he will punish me for. So I was sitting against my dresser sulking about something and he decided it was the perfect time to play the “game”. Sometimes I would get so fed up with him touching me I’d hit him which normally ended bad for me and this time was no different. After telling him to stop for the millionth time, I snapped. I grabbed the lamp on my dresser and attempted to hit him with it. He immediately reacted before I could really even hurt him and put me in a chokehold. I went unconscious and woke up on the floor. I remember my heart was beating really fast and there were tears in my eyes when I woke. So would these experiences be considered traumatic? My father hurt me in other ways (stress positions, black eyes) but I guess these would be considered the most extreme. Sometimes I don’t like to think of him like this because he could be nice and caring and a loving dad, but I now have issues like bulimia, self harm, anxiety and just general terrible self esteem and eventually I do want to get better so I have to figure out the “root causes”. Thank you for anyone who can reply and i’m sorry if this is the wrong place to post this.",3.2599788404570447,4.953698812949644,4.445513471575683,85.03524439272115,74.05995203836929,8.167273240231344,26.893003244463248,8.841846274778883,2.039351869092962,1643,61,333,34,34,539,190,417,0.16,0.733,0.10800000000000001,-0.9783,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,5,16,22,1,1,16,0,36,7,4,4,5,67,68,37,0,10,8,4,4,4,0,6,1,1,3,2,24,24,1,3,11,5,0,5,10,9,0,3,19,9,57,13,48,33,2,52,0,2,4,1,32,23,0,7,25,231,81,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734226829092758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252725080349927,0.06750329793560568,0.0,0.0,0.061699404346568974,0.0,0.07261393634032548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735329627044788,0.1075804734874205,0.0,0.07508567347569517,0.0,0.0,0.07804103926070614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996648020053424,0.09064670552942497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135718998010275,0.0,0.0,0.05690744904901685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219193639025966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815437888700555,0.0,0.0,0.05828163551837096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631557451564796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472416189429315,0.0,0.0,0.07505683160723238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830515004480198,0.0,0.050148780515247716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19441244217071474,0.0,0.15606054120165724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456473107928783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889253206069351,0.0,0.0,0.0920995519280237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04849435283207505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023129751822136,0.06232646566881742,0.17243827264905162,0.0,0.07791746675081483,0.07808955321387051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963997369384236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361121335735986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645638733491187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397263587780114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438387278051926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450945241809102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870549249528009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261150112642108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998345159651989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18410696373998728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793140209151025,0.1745430760415081,0.09877736709549358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754504992429412,0.10107853121504026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425116032943811,0.16247892744365094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308115663214965,0.0,0.0,0.2572670373043349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803779884464896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052046191541507685,0.07004074194945932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635985813527147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880493241585557,0.09647650132698243,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tiredofeeverything,2019/06/05,"Turns out I do shit without therapy TW self harm. I’ve been trying to do vague things in the name of “self care” like eating healthy, showering regularly, etc, but it turns out it’s all for naught because when the sun goes down I’m a mess again! I want to hurt myself but have nothing to hurt myself with, and it seems to correlate with my dad coming home. The way he treats me and talks to me reminds me of how my abuser treated me and it *sucks*. I can hear him talking shit about me downstairs and it hurts. Anyways, idk how I’m going to do come a couple weeks from now. I’m starting a full time internship and they don’t exactly like it if you take a day off every week to go to the Big City for therapy. Dad says I’m probably going to get fired. At this point I don’t even know if I care if they kick me out. Tempted to run away but I need the insurance or I’ll be hallucinating left and right and swinging wildly from manic to depressed so.",1.6492424242424235,3.454947762626268,3.3010101010101,90.98818181818184,78.94949494949495,6.420202020202023,22.61616161616161,7.3871296695380915,0.7396040404040405,739,23,164,10,18,245,123,198,0.198,0.735,0.067,-0.9857,1,0,0,0,1,4,17.0,0,1,2,0,9,15,3,0,9,0,9,3,2,2,2,31,31,18,0,5,8,2,1,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,8,14,1,0,2,0,0,6,3,9,0,0,1,3,20,6,29,29,3,28,0,4,0,0,14,13,3,5,10,100,28,0,0.0,0.14428494825614951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441279947352775,0.0,0.0,0.07423367428922102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24831801428853315,0.0,0.0,0.2097989204167339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474310907856765,0.0,0.07853560967695734,0.0,0.10488570932348247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460750954735066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581271355989105,0.08043206741639305,0.0,0.10260174635132398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362306670301213,0.0,0.2076247548328091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372506889401286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215151201652034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910919963527152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692504459787052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231025652795242,0.0,0.0,0.11898745331625996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029554948650864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684760025260744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115117921806487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129539860534112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399625573398467,0.0,0.09684136510065357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086052825017197,0.2540783831417089,0.0,0.25000314998029394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619385951938201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915605879353553,0.19575828068702789,0.0,0.0,0.27852351922411256,0.0,0.08090273223725943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710087131372814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267808301549523,0.2649151913301809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182678985584617,0.09666032238572572,0.19536313141771736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738796347711535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bbbybrggs,2019/06/05,"I feel so pathetic I keep falling into holes of asking “why me?”. I know it isn’t going to get me anywhere and it’s just self-pity, but it’s hard to stop. I see everyone else my age on social media graduating, getting job offers, and creating a future for themselves and I can barely get out of bed sometimes. I know, I shouldn’t compare my life to other people’s, but I feel so trapped where I am, like I’m 10 years behind everyone else and I’ll never catch up.",0.9004123711340171,2.971088371134023,3.5208350515463955,87.09671649484541,82.81443298969073,5.9418556701030925,22.07113402061856,7.1686216300943375,0.8541595876288661,360,12,74,5,10,126,67,97,0.156,0.779,0.065,-0.8089,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,17,16,8,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,6,0,2,4,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,13,1,11,15,0,13,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,6,44,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19758431228941145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531126691034227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039091755029233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213730461569212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312659488282545,0.0,0.12011543572008712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893286543175508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20973289202887951,0.18785815422496693,0.0,0.0,0.2323055619913737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928320297692638,0.10325524390250322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300663807779472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465239178945846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841909141569095,0.0,0.22048480482997065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154453550641741,0.0,0.0,0.20903118097034828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669859344446168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071107344374166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13610287871267354 ptsd,freefromcleveland,2019/06/05,"I'm going to group therapy for the first time tonight. And I'm terrified. I called to find out if I needed to reserve a seat or RSVP, and nice man with the kindest voice called me back and answered all my questions. I got ready to hang up as soon as he gave me the information, and he started to ask me questions and get me to open up. (Jeff, I am so grateful for you.) He told me the hardest part about these group meetings is going for the first time. His voice was so genuine, and I'm still surprised that a perfect stranger could care about me. So I'm finally going to group therapy. I've been thinking about it for a while, and a month ago I finally said the words out loud to another person - ""I think I need help."" I'm afraid that I'll go, and I won't be able to be my authentic self. That I'll put my big, dark mask on and I'll come home having achieved nothing. That I won't know how to be honest with others. That I'll judge the others who are there and only have poisonous words and thoughts to contribute. I really want to make friends and find something in common with the other people who attend. TL;DR - does anyone have a story or piece of advice to help calm the nerves of someone who is going to group therapy for the first time?",4.0194898897058815,4.605411289062502,4.802472426470589,87.45263786764706,70.875,7.742279411764708,27.558823529411764,7.724431198458867,1.425882169117647,974,32,209,11,17,315,137,256,0.036000000000000004,0.8440000000000001,0.121,0.9631,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,0,5,11,9,1,1,15,0,15,1,0,2,2,42,42,22,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,4,1,3,13,19,0,0,10,0,0,9,2,2,0,3,7,4,21,7,35,29,3,34,0,0,0,0,28,8,0,5,17,129,34,1,0.11400777663487152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140707985117487,0.10106101515119653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954709432282876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971688823594314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658188123503112,0.0,0.0,0.08766494295214483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328293735555799,0.0,0.11623852649925942,0.0,0.0,0.0982076046325032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102593274572833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09976897361802513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497798932948105,0.20840208483850428,0.2909248696941661,0.0,0.0,0.08808212541958405,0.0,0.059564357794268434,0.0,0.3239662338592052,0.0,0.09118243378350728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283401899512694,0.0,0.11435909559069453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265569247758697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610107618867086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099991961231983,0.0,0.0,0.16907064357492976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939353648789857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670805151799106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345931211883687,0.0,0.0790386374008144,0.09954719307262748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460930467724627,0.2554296034729317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303630104826317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10844750309791586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893497520236225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965984191735077,0.08776875636954141,0.0,0.0,0.08069529109696806,0.0,0.09104675769045716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911334853746937,0.0,0.0,0.146103159670739,0.0,0.0905094398558604,0.19943655414614064,0.0,0.0,0.10893931627055324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672447404988858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LaurenLemonSmith,2019/06/05,"Memory problems How do you guys deal with memory loss? If you suffer from this. Every time I talk about my ptsd and how it makes me feel, within a few minutes I completely forget everything I said. That may not sound like much, but I usually remember conversations days after. I can recall near verbatim what was said to me or what I said. But when I talk about anything surrounding my trauma, I just blank a few minutes later.",4.00978835978836,6.1779451111111126,5.238906525573197,78.11222222222223,73.19753086419753,9.073015873015876,25.151675485008816,9.606745405546679,2.5488786596119914,338,11,60,9,7,112,60,81,0.162,0.838,0.0,-0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,6,5,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,3,0,16,9,8,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,5,14,1,8,4,3,9,0,2,0,0,10,3,0,3,7,46,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129361768468854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21824628789043402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342425891240355,0.2145984001508022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753793487502587,0.0,0.1870760612542225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524929249042972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20610592176756407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169389320432458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894490740539073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530176868121344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991759772891724,0.2433217556486965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23579874665481565,0.0,0.5940084830966796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346137955761829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137670467096927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22925304170686786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,millerg17,2019/06/05,Help I have ptsd after trying to save a woman’s life and I would like to go to therapy but I don’t have the money. What can I do?,-2.513387096774192,-0.8409288709677405,1.5163709677419348,97.99455645161294,95.77419354838707,4.390322580645162,10.975806451612904,5.985473137389443,-1.2792000000000003,99,1,26,1,4,37,24,31,0.0,0.787,0.213,0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,4,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25044147566582153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953701130602428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112564627645901,0.215287864529244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5151166851470952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.50394165102057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29918428270697617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31303752391951506,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nerdfaction2,2019/06/05,"Do I have PTSD? I havent been diagnosed, but I think I do have it. I could be wrong however, I'm a teen and I went through family abuse and was roughly ridiculed and jumped through school in my elementary through middle school (junior high) years. As well as a break up which seemed to push me over the edge about 6 months ago. I have like... I guess flashbacks? I dont lose touch with reality and think I'm going through the experience again (I'm not really sure how it works) but I'm haunted in my daily life and my dreams from all of these events. I have Self-destructive behavior, social isolation, flashbacks, fear, anxiety, loneliness, guilt, nightmares, unwanted thoughts, and emotional detachment at times. The only way to stop the memories and thoughts is to slice my skin open Is this PTSD? If so... what are the treatments? I'm on an SSRI called fluoxetine but no matter how much they up the dosage it doesnt... really work. If I dont get awnsers... I think I'm going to kill myself. It's better then living how I live right now....",2.8869363707776934,5.155816358208959,3.7407645980623196,87.08542812254518,76.96019900497512,7.813668499607226,25.00680806493847,8.6894789155246,1.813600995024876,812,29,165,18,19,259,127,201,0.235,0.693,0.07200000000000001,-0.9905,1,1,0,0,1,1,43.0,0,0,1,4,9,10,2,2,9,0,17,3,1,3,2,31,34,19,1,4,6,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,6,1,0,5,6,6,1,0,5,3,20,4,21,27,2,27,0,1,0,0,3,11,0,4,10,99,28,5,0.0,0.15668443377374106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722402139788242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116430842437976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169567711056215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503325405400754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558399667748763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422223652444368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309971869950529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875377488987734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935746354879474,0.1246654219789366,0.14880833939303165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909067301748531,0.0,0.15031166933475326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145678810241663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972029880729908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630551501713734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934060110949924,0.06460646787612179,0.0,0.2335431565297806,0.0,0.0,0.147944299660538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555382318177578,0.0,0.09721264429953223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057554311429588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091662379036652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943445311913471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129334323587289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676707120355894,0.0,0.12038760318850995,0.1379566201390295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480345292831925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055973110580936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124635953729637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542048467935585,0.0,0.20996979890812253,0.07711102332840007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496706735138746,0.0,0.0,0.11890089943086968,0.1225891019246578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254662720442856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144585210418288,0.0,0.08515912537769785 ptsd,koodoo29,2019/06/05,"EMDR fallout When I was 20 I was sex trafficked, raped and held against my will for 24 hours. I’m doing EMDR now and finally getting to all the grisly and disgusting details I repressed for 22 years. I have such mixed emotions about it. I feel stronger knowing I fought like hell against those scumbags. But I feel horrified by how cruel and gross it all was. And now I want to find them and get revenge but I can’t because I’m not a psycho and I have a normal stable life. Can anyone relate? I am in flashback mode for 2-3 days after each session.",1.5258108108108104,3.884315567567569,2.900382882882884,90.74354729729731,82.51351351351352,4.781081081081081,25.466216216216218,5.985473137389443,0.7937621621621629,432,18,85,3,12,140,78,111,0.184,0.747,0.069,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,6,8,5,1,3,0,10,3,0,1,2,22,20,11,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,5,2,13,1,11,14,3,9,1,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,9,58,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165738802018464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888115519418151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19975342036863292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34841013192315023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132225965474586,0.0,0.0,0.3392995002962827,0.2830921348939384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236474572628728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050265364596625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702222294031584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187749566161505,0.15132085227734365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30347449009687016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268969970209525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19945915409050136 ptsd,bunnygoats,2019/06/05,"Recently diagnosed, a little surprised I was physically and emotionally abused by my alcoholic father pretty much throughout my entire childhood, alongside being neglected and the victim of targetted harassment by my ex-stepmother. I always knew something was wrong with me, and have been trying to seek treatment ever since I was a young teenager (I am 20 years old right now), but I can't really say PTSD was one of the things I was expecting. It makes a little bit of sense in hindsight. Being around people drinking makes me nervous, the smell of alcohol can fuck up my grip on reality, and if I hear the slightest creak in the house, I freak out because for a second it takes me back to living with my dad and hearing him walk around or having a girlfriend over (there's... a whole thing with that I'm not getting into). I just wasn't really expecting it, I don't get those violent flashbacks you typically hear about, and I never considered my abuse to be *that* severe, especially compared to other people's stories. The psychiatrist even said that I've lived a horrible life up until now and it really put me back; I mean, my life wasn't *great*, but I wouldn't say it's as bad as a few friends' of mine with similar backgrounds. Anyway, I'm happy for the diagnosis. My dad was heavily against me getting treatment because he has an axe to grind against shrinks and even outright claimed I'm not even depressed, just attention-seeking. I'm going to be taking group therapy and I start taking a new antidepressant tomorrow. I'm very excited for my journey, here's hoping 💕",6.051148648648647,7.2688796554054065,6.805648648648652,72.62989189189192,66.63513513513513,9.974054054054056,34.394594594594594,10.125756701596842,3.7490532432432433,1262,58,213,30,20,417,176,296,0.11900000000000001,0.775,0.106,-0.1982,0,0,4,0,2,0,38.0,0,1,0,0,16,16,4,1,17,0,21,7,0,2,2,36,44,16,0,5,8,3,1,0,2,1,5,6,0,0,12,17,3,1,2,1,0,4,8,10,0,2,11,8,31,6,36,28,4,32,0,2,0,1,15,13,1,3,15,151,43,0,0.0,0.2444537481472309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22049178795050456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583678207127286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366725447003945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864623216854434,0.08613368701794076,0.12576987508443996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262321205862245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885093379833359,0.1047044942910062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105681794798056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160403013466873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20440718788208775,0.09331347168944763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970060122461009,0.09536908895551076,0.16168939288692982,0.0,0.05862779421376325,0.0,0.0,0.11373346666584835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981496820872623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34880400644050696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246043817779607,0.0,0.11903195479831112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457288957282457,0.0,0.2067853921898682,0.1821830624549514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771923638728129,0.0,0.0,0.1123706944253722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583393797957114,0.0,0.07956279370265935,0.09963187219279672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082483075622086,0.0,0.0699033956257288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303530689822014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495007075936996,0.0,0.0,0.12058767395691905,0.10370356579383937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19825942245510195,0.0,0.10185734044160663,0.0,0.0,0.08809745858701168,0.09812809530922052,0.16407279456843993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165406194681806,0.0,0.08533441964466161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941705105396411,0.0,0.0,0.07301666695469315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23268881308006897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797162324343448,0.0,0.1370688791157879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003837727718183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851172069309657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517364832423785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127884747774159,0.0,0.06643119193824804 ptsd,sistersick,2019/06/05,"Today Does anyone else with ptsd struggle on their birthday really hard. I haven’t enjoyed this day for years. A lot of bad things have happened on this day of the year from my mom beating me to threatening hospitalization to needing to run away to getting dumped mental breakdowns. To the point that every year I dread my birthday. Today I’m 19 School has been over for some weeks so I’m spending today as I have every day sitting around the house doing absolutely nothing except crying a little more and being more depressed. And that makes me sad. The day is over soon and I can’t enjoy it My parents tell me all year I’m a bad kid and don’t deserve anything and they buy things for me then use them against me to guilt trip me. Whenever they’ve bought me huge gifts on my birthday I’ve had a panic attack and then they get angry with me for not wanting to accept them. I get depressed and feel guilt when people express excitement. I get depressed and guilty when people buy me gifts, or praise or compliment me, or ask what I want so I tell them I want nothing. But I do want to enjoy it. I just can’t make myself. I do want gifts and to feel appreciated but the guilt overwhelms me. I get so upset when people compliment me or do anything. So it’s just better if I’m alone. It’s just better if I get nothing. Then I mourn how the day was miserable and I can’t enjoy it and dread it for the next year. Like it’s a cycle I can’t break out of that I want to but I just can’t. It probably doesn’t make sense to anyone. My friends offered to hang out with me but I’ve just been by myself. Today reminds me of all the ways I’ve done wrong in my life and how I’m not good enough and failing in so many ways . My parents offered to take me out to dinner but I don’t want to go out because I’m so depressed and disgusted by my appearance . I’m so sad Just nonstop crying and wishing things were different",2.3125956813104978,4.040533681012661,3.698350707371557,89.2395439314967,76.74683544303798,6.0647803425167535,24.022710349962768,6.794906146795322,0.7545085629188377,1504,49,315,14,34,494,164,395,0.19,0.6729999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9713,3,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,6,5,20,38,3,10,13,0,24,2,0,6,2,66,58,42,1,11,20,3,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,17,23,1,0,3,0,4,5,11,24,0,0,7,3,51,14,46,50,7,48,1,10,0,0,18,16,0,9,24,208,68,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209408591591326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084712070699974,0.08121581646698182,0.13045580993480127,0.07056218326557392,0.07410157945121419,0.09017477751581086,0.0744715787095293,0.0,0.132365042995532,0.0483188851524116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020596455745607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413659645209287,0.2555951285376789,0.0,0.27308148715287084,0.0,0.0,0.08281450047606037,0.0,0.0,0.06936487177421159,0.0811150727565738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621529361721455,0.0,0.0,0.0819013861479471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356746909956874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015699523713854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123953283033093,0.0,0.2484744840534007,0.0,0.045047824901664715,0.06648327668525031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009330896863745,0.0,0.0710053959129796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09146055602750948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598683922802137,0.0387246161961912,0.07944382237567144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738781779528731,0.0,0.0,0.15872894749574604,0.08036173144071647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987994246944975,0.0,0.0,0.092833589167897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877360008362172,0.0,0.0,0.08429866298768364,0.0,0.0,0.22816918996668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299977695813792,0.17602762704035185,0.0,0.0,0.1648560093292985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493054460810407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546050491229365,0.0,0.09265592360346858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05077884910865912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021987527947208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286443411400729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959701678915968,0.0,0.13856128085280947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797937519264346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005337973031741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845905232479697,0.0,0.0,0.32726566618169983,0.125832893518222,0.06358117660463736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09115022857843078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666325470430357,0.0,0.2552185991794103 ptsd,NotSoGivingTree,2019/06/05,"Distressing Reoccurring Nightmares I have never thought I had 'nightmares,' simply because these reoccuring 'motifs' have been such a strong part of my dreamscape for so long, I just accepted them as weird and upsetting blips. I wanted to share what that looked like, to see if anyone else has experienced something similar, and if anyone can point to a possible expalination or source. (Background: I was recently diagnosed via SPECT scan with pretty significant PTSD from extremely strict parents growing up and an assult a few years back. My insmonia has been almost completely pervasive my whole life). It's always the same: A man is outside of the house/compound/building/hotel room; his face is shadowy and I'm never able to see him clearly. I can just feel extreme fear and terror for my safety. It is inevitable that he WILL hurt me, it seems. I am always rushing to lock all the doors and windows. And yet, often the locks are faulty or insufficient. I am always running, panicking, trying to hide; and almost always, I am trying to protect someone vulnerable (younger sibling, baby, etc...). Inevitable. That's the word that keeps coming up. It is inevitable that I WILL be hurt. There is NOTHING I can do, even as much as I panic, to ensure my safety. The panic is always the same, the fear, the rush to protect myself, even helplessly. And no one else seems to help me. There are almost always other people around, even 'good' people. But no one ever helps me. I am usually screaming in fear and panic, many times. It seems like no one else can see him. He is never in a hurry. He walks slowly, deliberately. He has all the power. I hate that. I feel powerless. I can bar the door with everything I see and yet it disintegrates by the time he is at the door. I don't really recall what happens when he gets in, only that he always seems to reach the door. He will always get in. And he will always hurt me.",3.7185318972659474,6.243051442253523,4.7693827671913835,79.46537489643745,75.4225352112676,7.106048053024027,25.65244407622204,8.124751697461798,1.8935534382767187,1502,54,257,26,34,490,187,355,0.172,0.72,0.107,-0.9789,3,0,1,0,0,0,63.0,0,0,1,2,16,22,1,9,20,0,35,4,1,0,7,47,55,22,0,3,7,1,2,2,0,4,2,1,6,1,17,16,1,3,8,1,0,6,7,16,0,3,5,10,32,6,30,45,9,30,0,4,6,0,18,10,0,12,16,184,49,0,0.07339502202703646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204835380133324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5496348409120997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263901184113193,0.07520187348912664,0.0,0.06533713025235142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643624153445289,0.0,0.04474092419971621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322331263690628,0.07695328419661822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744944024043655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393636918019132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185485065802768,0.1454301595317572,0.06638999936776524,0.0,0.0,0.0659627132595603,0.0,0.0,0.24776941443345185,0.07422145682106733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766917394826106,0.0,0.0,0.06156026227304389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490297558772579,0.0,0.0,0.07246238923335517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839027232811444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23571266721568246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06523686787518873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051841074606366035,0.07171420087329643,0.0,0.0,0.06495228488727592,0.06163333349406496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441103253119233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053953786129342096,0.0,0.16982029694050682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042450310963194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920309921085895,0.05582022155791985,0.0,0.2583397335234395,0.0814964862457637,0.0794796565625965,0.0,0.10176573395687744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069382019183183,0.0827418595307814,0.0,0.07466912338820872,0.0,0.0,0.08579485312050046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047018730497467916,0.0,0.07246872981026631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339453202800507,0.267264286116666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218736398765917,0.05650307371276059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05826744918595081,0.0855944551421944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966080436116136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083424759217192,0.0,0.04329028559099605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194292100584291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047263987835091184 ptsd,hypothermi_a,2019/06/05,"I’m so jumpy all the time and my family pokes fun at me for it My family knows I’m diagnosed, what happened, all that stuff and whenever I’m startled (which is quite often, any sudden noise will make me jump) they laugh and make comments about it. I need support, this trauma is still very fresh and doesn’t need to be made fun of. I’m getting tired of having my heart stop for a split second in panic then hear someone laughing at me for it. It’s not under my control, it’s not funny and this isn’t helping.",2.2324737945492683,3.875185433962265,3.5863522012578635,90.32772536687632,76.73584905660377,6.220545073375264,22.155136268343817,6.937597516519254,0.5482067085953886,400,11,85,4,9,131,71,106,0.149,0.6779999999999999,0.17300000000000001,0.5919,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,4,8,0,2,2,0,7,3,1,4,2,18,21,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,11,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,1,9,5,11,18,2,10,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,54,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355586820889908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235778263840512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023268687478288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758418146389852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414741918536098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762765442670602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467173896618256,0.2362199862302617,0.1336140372489716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955257322425506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862122730429967,0.2661232648441733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29561757803475075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338836551021313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202363830777116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890094054324856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919394063488854,0.1666579605843969,0.0,0.0,0.2281976965131012,0.0,0.2262097484245932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162373113424816,0.2291130984568545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644771609042818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bootyr0cket,2019/06/05,"How to deal with parents who refuse to acknowledge trauma? Hi, I’m 17, living with my parents, and was recently diagnosed with PTSD. My parents firmly believed I had bipolar disorder (wrong!) and only recently learned about my past behaviors of self harm and suicidal thoughts, but they continuously tell me that my trauma was not that bad and I never knew what it was like to grow up in a toxic home, even though I live with the repercussions of their verbal and emotional abuse everyday. I.E., distrusting intentions, short tempered, gigantic anxiety, irritability over the smallest thing, overanalyzing... and the list goes on. I’ve always had emotionally immature parents who do not take responsibility at all and have not apologized in a sincere manner for their past actions. I live in a perpetual state of anger, consciously or subconsciously. I don’t want to come off as an angry emo teenager; I know that I may sound bratty or whatnot, but I genuinely seek advice for how to really separate myself from the past. There are still glimpses of shitty behavior in fine lines, but nothing too harsh. Again I just want to know what I can do for myself, because as someone who never really prioritized her own healing, I really am at a loss..",9.893454545454547,9.339521072727274,9.802727272727275,60.40409090909094,58.72727272727273,13.636363636363635,41.36363636363636,12.719339214003902,5.6477272727272725,996,47,156,31,11,328,144,220,0.2,0.731,0.07,-0.9873,4,0,0,0,1,0,34.0,0,0,3,1,10,12,3,0,9,0,13,3,0,3,3,38,22,17,1,2,9,4,0,1,0,1,3,1,1,1,10,12,0,1,7,0,0,3,6,9,0,0,7,1,22,3,31,14,2,26,0,1,0,0,17,11,0,3,12,113,32,1,0.0,0.13640307107007768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249780435186693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579235969204944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806951666744668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612370046181344,0.07017849936702633,0.0,0.0,0.1297052832517896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916910044291348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11868775088535652,0.0,0.11684839921154175,0.0,0.0,0.1319420355911462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589979264634109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603829187112691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547872162886355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653823874192474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624375323728064,0.0,0.3049697057724001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775813950280919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046454751003552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755696162607646,0.0,0.0,0.5113261481039746,0.0,0.32969654799601456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13457375217674536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22125407604851374,0.0,0.22734204981627246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200994011222922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975441603477797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193814564761583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592693026193452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655889290123561,0.0,0.10062341804814924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648324560876035,0.0,0.11310870923471658,0.0913955672341794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580619239713315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586998119319934,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dawnypaws,2019/06/05,"does anyone else wish they had an iron man suit honestly most of my flashback issues would be solved 1. no one can touch me. i have horrible feelings sometimes that someone invisible is in the room with me and trying to touch me. 2. i can just fuckin fly away from my problems lol 3. shoot predators 4. AI friend to hang with",1.981428571428573,4.4824912500000025,2.725714285714286,91.805,81.8125,5.5321428571428575,23.205357142857146,6.868970318607317,0.7277482142857141,256,9,52,3,7,80,56,64,0.139,0.6829999999999999,0.17800000000000002,0.4588,0,0,0,1,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,2,1,7,1,0,0,0,9,9,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,3,8,2,8,6,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,1,0,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20906441727618266,0.30635594745234995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28091586154410497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616527412605481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497721490023353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118097243281742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23100297353290314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312073339429257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026069063655208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860980555719353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533376886781697,0.0,0.2957139284298417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20299813506867895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34382975941633315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123976332821471,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,traumaticallysweet,2019/06/05,"Stupid question If you get re-traumatized at age 16, does that still count as childhood trauma, since you’re not 18 yet? Or does it have to be under a certain number of age. Is it just trauma or can it be called late-childhood trauma?",2.8841489361702126,4.70012076595745,3.5542021276595754,90.50875,75.38297872340425,5.5510638297872354,22.388297872340427,5.985473137389443,0.3068340425531915,184,5,37,1,4,58,37,47,0.231,0.7040000000000001,0.065,-0.8677,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,7,6,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,4,5,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35597363036238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.610148508222635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213630316853388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39325151029778105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.390527199647244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883769080259938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27840340222415416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BumbleBear1,2019/06/05,"Anyone personify their trauma/ afflicted minds into something alive? For me it feels like there's a demon in my head fucking everything up whenever it wants, but that demon is my subconscious mind even though it doesn't feel like it's me at all",10.54826086956522,8.477362086956521,9.79739130434783,65.78565217391306,58.56521739130434,13.547826086956524,40.39130434782609,12.161744961471696,4.9125565217391305,200,8,34,5,2,64,38,46,0.038,0.816,0.146,0.6187,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,8,6,2,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,2,5,6,1,4,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,2,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930019104956644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881412073830394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433139991937948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27377769337749386,0.38681807015366493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502848353409661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778463227610308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264529279515953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5467187460514178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084206084382224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659901201348565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159683129951604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,snakessnakessnakes,2019/06/05,"Anybody else have trouble walking when they're triggered? Psychosomatic nonsense is WILD. Often when I get triggered I have a ton of trouble moving and it seems like the harder I try to be chill about it, the weirder it gets. Sometimes I kinda walk like a t-rex. A lot of times it's more like the Silent Hill nurse walk. I think it's just caused by wacky involuntary muscle tension. It feels so uncomfortable send frustrating though, and hard to convince myself I'm not just being a drama queen, even though I'm usually alone when it happens. Anybody relate?",3.916,6.46872407619048,4.350714285714286,82.57178571428574,74.90476190476191,6.104761904761905,27.642857142857146,7.1686216300943375,1.5963142857142851,448,18,78,5,10,141,72,105,0.204,0.708,0.087,-0.8931,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,11,8,1,1,7,0,5,0,0,3,0,14,13,8,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,1,0,5,1,4,0,0,0,2,6,4,6,11,3,10,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,8,47,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421919298380163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402222722276645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19534671184925728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445180088561394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823858655533274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443477470067607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067875362572979,0.0,0.20947835246854785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427331977993575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880586350800214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24853923577782694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288285612163368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23127776174218714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14983783599002098,0.4595012172750518,0.0,0.13635635605193666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876477163523572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575462026730069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway90210_1,2019/06/05,"What treatments have been beneficial for you guys? I also need help finding a good therapist. I’ve mostly just had the conventional medical treatment with some alternatives and It doesn’t help at all. Mostly I’ve just done cbt, talk therapy, and ssris+Benzos but I haven’t ever noticed much temporary or lasting improvements. I recently listened to the audiobook of body that keeps score and there’s so much info in their that I’m kinda overwhelmed and I want to give some different treatments a start like emdr or somatic experiencing but I don’t even know how to find psychiatrists that don’t want to just do talk therapy and put me on drugs. If you have any advice that would be great thanks.",5.13572938689218,7.520245899224807,5.7231712473572935,74.91786469344609,70.62790697674419,9.652149400986607,30.331923890063425,10.018931242160765,3.4399860465116285,567,24,97,16,11,183,89,129,0.009000000000000001,0.795,0.196,0.9693,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,0,9,5,0,1,4,0,12,3,1,1,2,31,22,13,0,5,8,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,6,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,2,9,4,10,17,7,8,1,1,0,0,10,3,0,8,5,67,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769639552255166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905366776122354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974235233873622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925421605433886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860532206189027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514538984811367,0.0,0.0,0.1871468680623797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658843182630934,0.14597534536874054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949925412488993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480816999479954,0.0,0.13535593661507095,0.0,0.17791945552925806,0.0,0.15978926922924386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163361066545587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343989169367766,0.0,0.0,0.08868894935478125,0.1315443432720341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884098011759827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257102897371326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372623177943853,0.11965950061729087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372955169158733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222913539329298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934098453424428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422394841184515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594185233039545,0.0,0.14857488063783422,0.3690988693247542,0.18737191794043226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036946680030606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463806960679017,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SteveExhaustin,2019/06/05,"Medical Marijuana and Medication Usage Anyone had any experience using medical marijuana for PTSD? I'm curious about it Used to smoke as a teenager and remember it being generally positive for my ADHD and underlying anxiety. Had my first trauma caused by a bad drug trip and stopped because ingesting anything psychoactive or that makes me ""feel different"" causes me to get triggered and have panic attacks and reliving symptoms so I cut drugs altogether and have been sober like six or seven years. Never taken anything for my anxiety and PTSD because it gave me a phobia but honestly am having a horrible time with it right now and would love to have some sort of ""therapeutic chemical"" to help me make bigger steps along with my therapy. Benzos scare the shit out of me because of the addiction and abuse potential and I am a qualified candidate for those. Antidepressants I'm scared of making the drug phobia worse because adverse reaction seems likely and I would probably be too traumatized to try anything again for a long time. Started researching CBD oil for migraines and discovered a whole thing on it helping anxiety and PTSD, seemed promising and I felt comfortable with it and figured I'd give it a try. I tried vaping it but have no idea if it's actually working since I get so much anticipatory anxiety after taking a puff all I feel is ""whats gonna happen whats this gonna do is it working I don't know if it's working oh fuck I think it's working shit am i gonna lose it"" Was taking an oil but felt nothing and realized I was only taking a dose of like 4mg. I got a new one that and am gonna see what happens. I'm really interested in smoking/vaping high CBD low THC flower and using it almost in the same kind of way people use benzos. I don't live in a medical state but might be moving to one and qualify for a medical card. Idk, I might also use this as an intro for my phobia and maybe get to a point I can try antidepressants.",5.9952380952380935,6.726686738095237,7.534510582010586,69.09636904761906,66.53968253968254,11.273544973544974,34.003968253968246,11.123543617288195,4.161574603174604,1569,69,274,47,24,544,204,378,0.174,0.71,0.11599999999999999,-0.9508,2,0,4,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,0,6,7,22,5,3,20,0,27,17,2,11,2,69,66,34,0,4,8,0,4,3,0,8,13,0,0,0,23,26,1,1,12,0,0,3,4,13,0,5,10,7,25,9,36,45,5,28,0,2,1,2,5,11,3,11,15,178,48,7,0.0,0.08424659871629077,0.06938723537031745,0.07751384221354854,0.08545317592270661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120037298695728,0.0,0.0,0.05686183347829445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04835315006890878,0.0,0.21757742466101024,0.0,0.0,0.049717561628066426,0.0,0.17553757090318078,0.0,0.0,0.08089105120357712,0.0,0.0,0.05936885992670135,0.17337732437557402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608676424899686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428853370038087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24737415601631144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955334400537573,0.0,0.0,0.07190462549148388,0.0,0.13654195806187022,0.0,0.0,0.06048101583086825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573449110981992,0.11144669699252603,0.06820942431183433,0.0,0.0,0.0568683546403732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575404344781585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531900863673244,0.07512526715408457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026774759381522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404386167846717,0.03907689225002968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104213450740671,0.0,0.06278612404954075,0.06292479182798913,0.0,0.07954717482568997,0.0,0.0,0.06417412521424737,0.0,0.14238739227404282,0.0,0.07143351292615162,0.0,0.0,0.3581489367276942,0.0,0.15086018950001098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557228646411894,0.0522696124764932,0.0,0.05483977893256041,0.06867267464374445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822619412779546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963638048476959,0.054077786908038813,0.0,0.08342520965491668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049294552420845565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06721625145726941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666212514393846,0.0,0.2493502706743721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04555103540551637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054695745872838,0.060722417207813975,0.0,0.0,0.1423749922674992,0.0,0.05666067253562565,0.1294608003100586,0.0,0.0,0.1459744436876895,0.058817953604552276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050327768644628686,0.0,0.0,0.05944611775603919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390426871578097,0.1603840498245895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131360700031591,0.0,0.047238330125356116,0.04556056442824129,0.0,0.0,0.0829226143591424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19309976173184745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070550801183045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643903602031102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938506328174028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20705820030203026,0.0,0.07246103830958207,0.1010204659400318,0.0,0.0,0.04578863700707688 ptsd,pj0809,2019/02/22,"Should I go for a diagnosis? TLDR: Sorry for the long post just looking for clarification on if what I have been experiencing through my teenage years is somehow connected to PTSD I'm currently 17 years old and after research I seem to have almost every single symptom of PTSD. The main reason I found this is because anytime I am yelled at by anyone (mainly parents) I instantly go into full panic mode and it feels like my whole body freezes up. This happens even when I know they aren't trying to yell at me but are just raising their voice. The reason I am confused is because I cannot remember a traumatic event in my life that would be substantial enough to cause something like this. The symptoms I experience that may or may not be connected to PTSD include: Fear and avoidance of situations where either being yelled at or being made fun of is a possibility Extreme social anxiety to the point where it is difficult for me to make new friends outside of my group and has caused me to avoid relationships because I am afraid of rejection/being laughed at by the school Paranoia involving being attacked or bad things happening to family members even though I live in a suburb that never has crime Difficulty sleeping with no specific cause, usually at night I just am constantly in my thoughts playing out millions of different scenarios in my head Feelings of isolation, mainly that I am somehow not like everyone else because of all these symptoms and my ADHD diagnosis, this causes me to isolate myself and run away from problems such as walking away from a conversation with my parents if I get yelled at for something And finally the strongest symptom I have is constantly replaying bad moments in my life or imagining bad things that have never happened Unrelated to these symptoms I find that I struggle with addiction/self damaging behavior as just 6 months ago I finally was able to stop smoking weed daily (after a consecutive 4 months straight) due to the fact that it relieved many of these negative feelings. The only reason I was able to stop was because I was caught being high by my parents and immediately had a panic attack that ended up with an ambulance ride to the hospital.",16.303021612635078,9.560507546134666,14.627537406483793,49.70910328345804,53.33915211970075,17.75569409808811,56.85806317539485,14.06817628641468,7.6006706566916025,1790,94,279,44,12,584,216,401,0.182,0.723,0.094,-0.9905,5,3,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,0,13,24,2,8,18,0,36,10,3,9,4,65,54,19,0,5,14,3,4,3,1,4,7,5,0,0,21,14,0,4,14,1,0,6,8,16,0,1,10,11,38,8,61,34,9,57,0,1,1,0,11,24,0,13,29,218,59,2,0.14210843453492655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539336122843195,0.0,0.06298527644145921,0.0,0.07115053483294521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054356281725664334,0.0,0.0,0.049682760806250816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166885972319187,0.13351555216916994,0.0,0.17798191044508144,0.21656995672422336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892521735748645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919690156745257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15356873278598346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423653392525932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935668104894665,0.0,0.06293294648994646,0.07341800042681462,0.0,0.0938612807537529,0.0,0.059866242591099815,0.0678953495606472,0.0,0.06950465872290919,0.06698359237636878,0.07995574867416974,0.10778144157234006,0.050761147013179686,0.0,0.15567284382760874,0.06494226732678045,0.0,0.0,0.0779072817495131,0.05489631200323538,0.0,0.037122895867581884,0.0,0.08076349823635776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849902900838503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292212605859527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507268169030745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03904953958188247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037538995771696,0.10414050440920876,0.0,0.06274217562077654,0.06288074633588367,0.059667647042766885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723321839757347,0.047429241771071134,0.07203782390882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342959665222935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960278542043347,0.0686246058037688,0.0,0.06667956956083199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745594484163348,0.0,0.0,0.05403993405756219,0.0,0.1667336289540291,0.2366918987274732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716920207042343,0.0801029538767407,0.06805029894245218,0.0,0.0,0.06798928984331395,0.24917573286408426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21916670824238094,0.0,0.07628563804676329,0.08049057697218559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191066127828802,0.0,0.06468509079052948,0.07412504495894319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986791726362988,0.07110553177340652,0.07243082643560289,0.0,0.10940201569493534,0.0,0.07953937893647653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880901446567492,0.0,0.07428129541251276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692626895738843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944105293844458,0.0,0.06981040770331677,0.05640911167727864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0482411494032904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825618185590752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793294960867367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050474877301718964,0.0,0.0,0.0915131726324495 ptsd,hugostrange1233,2019/02/22,Delusions Do any of you struggle with delusions relating to trauma but also other things? I seem to start having these wild and outlandish delusions when I begin dissasoicating. Any help or advice? It usually just makes me way more sensitive to triggers and ultimately can't function or have a flashback ,7.7142307692307694,10.191765807692311,7.180000000000002,66.74000000000002,64.0,9.046153846153846,38.0,9.516144504307137,4.326484615384616,250,13,33,5,4,78,44,52,0.068,0.8640000000000001,0.068,0.3313,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,8,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,27,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248985721497335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658865616260167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521997279780494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22285636879521145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22193500651652254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026800663483135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353332022671765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34758345623578896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208869536150306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36618308835673335,0.0,0.0,0.2639095560408847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,the-big-gay-purple,2019/02/22,"Not ""feeling it""? Sorry for posting so much. I had a question for you all. I've been trying to reflect on my trauma and be aware of what happened to me. That said, sometimes I forget things and remember them randomly later. Atop that, I have not cried about my situation. I have not stopped and felt any type of sadness about it, and I really wish I could. When I'm exposed to triggers, I feel anxiety and even have panic attacks (nausea, shaking, sweating, crying, etc). But, aside from that, I feel really really numb. Does anyone else relate? I want to feel sadness or anger or *something* so I can process it and decrease my anxiety. I've tried so hard, and I just can't. This has been weighing on me for so long. Anyone have any tips on how to ""feel"" and accept the emotional damage associated with trauma? I need to not be numb anymore :/ Thanks all. Much love to you ❤️",1.3190896358543434,3.890763911764704,3.1153781512605083,87.14539215686277,86.35294117647058,5.591036414565827,23.38935574229692,7.07126945348624,1.1190532212885156,675,26,129,10,21,224,103,170,0.248,0.645,0.107,-0.976,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,2,1,0,10,14,2,2,2,0,13,5,1,2,2,38,27,17,0,4,8,0,7,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,9,9,1,1,10,0,0,1,5,11,0,0,5,8,20,3,20,19,5,10,0,3,0,1,6,4,0,4,4,92,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938537433840014,0.0,0.21304704015295406,0.0,0.13809553748530984,0.19472938178185445,0.14267493490721986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841348486069665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117734273087324,0.0,0.3059124274625476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185592653934285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632294197940254,0.15663405377577702,0.0,0.0,0.15529713486676494,0.09197128379051248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520371577642921,0.0,0.1336988893360273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313560005393415,0.0,0.12473789811698012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322915092942738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567579060742964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472503055698385,0.10324983397295304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337626956299425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336006723550353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598842940861732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676154463405611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577396267709671,0.0,0.13245571736028422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651938318808364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719908946406201,0.13771877399719235,0.1558755374727891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641666828477396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128199864442615,0.0,0.0,0.09250947271441534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18907904970061404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821314468941171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012709709681885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PFCTayTay,2019/02/22,"Looking for advice I have never been to this subreddit before so hello all! Sorry for the fresh account but I would rather this not be tied to my main reddit account. This is a fairly long story and I really cant think of a TLDR version of it so please bare with me. I have been out of the army for 10 years now, my deployment was in 2007 - 2008 in Baghdad, mostly a motor pool fobbit but had 3 months in a highly active small medevac fob where we were being attacked by mortars and RPGs on a daily basis. So 2 weeks ago I had a fight with my closing manager at my secondary 5 hour a week job, I was doing absolutely nothing wrong but my manager flipped out on me and was saying I was not doing any work and was stealing from the company. I immediately got very defensive and nearly blacked out in anger and was screaming at her. I got sent home with the threat of police if I didnt and dont remember too much after that. The next morning I woke up completely drenched in sweat and terrified and I had no idea of what. The only thing I really remember is being very cold and being curled up in the bathtub/shower with the hot water turned on and being scared. I ended up falling asleep again and feeling perfectly normal when waking up. I did not think much of it, maybe a 24 hour flu or something. Yesterday however I woke up in the morning full of adrenaline and just in GO MODE. I did not shower, brush my teeth, put on deodorant, nothing. When I got to my full-time job I realised there was something wrong and I told my boss I did not feel right. He saw that I was extremely on edge and said it's ok just stay here in the shop and we will find you something to do here ( I'm a golf course groundskeeper) shortly after he came up to me again and asked what I was doing. Apparently I was pacing back and forth and doing circles. He sent me to the fire department next door who immediately called an ambulance because I was nearly in cardiac arrest with my heart beating at 180 BPMs. The fire department guys gave me an IV and some kind of beta blocker and I started to feel more like myself pretty fast, by the time the ambulance got there i was perfectly fine besides being very embarrassed. The next morning I woke up fine and did my normal routine but was able to piece things together what happened the day before. I remembered I actually grabbed my .45 out of my nightstand and went to work with it. No one at my work saw it so I must have kept it in my truck or something, I dont remember. This is what scared me the most, I brought a loaded weapon to work and have no memory of it at all. I can not stop thinking what would have happened if I killed one of my co-workers. I already turned my gun (only one I have) over to the police after explaining what happened and informed my boss about it (maybe not the best thing to do because now this has justifiably became a giant concern to them) fortunately they are being very understanding of the situation and told me to take the rest of the week off with pay until I see the mental health person at the VA clinic on monday morning. One of my NCOs while at the medevac fob accused me of the same thing about not doing my job because I overslept for my night time watch duty shift. That is what I am thinking set off some kind of trigger in my head at work but I'm just speculating right now. Anyway that's my story and was curious if anyone else has experienced something similar. I have never had any anxiety or anything before this so I dont really know what to make of it considering the only combat I saw was 12 years ago.",5.716728518222929,5.712034576815642,6.550191540303272,78.46462756052142,67.05865921787709,9.333014099494546,31.01409949454642,9.04235418022936,2.486507156158553,2831,100,551,45,42,940,316,716,0.127,0.7979999999999999,0.076,-0.9914,7,0,5,1,1,0,49.0,2,1,2,9,26,23,7,3,40,1,65,11,6,4,7,107,109,47,1,9,23,0,7,1,0,4,4,3,3,2,32,42,1,5,17,3,4,10,18,14,0,4,47,20,80,9,94,51,16,102,0,0,7,0,25,51,0,10,40,406,112,14,0.0618018767304087,0.0,0.06030971666098245,0.0,0.0,0.06039207867291349,0.10956726961928707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819990777302473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405479090666676,0.0,0.047278266539587284,0.0,0.0,0.043213309175109474,0.06332332611820399,0.05085767868795797,0.0,0.0577764121028188,0.07030855678944803,0.0,0.04752182840349863,0.0,0.11302155129172872,0.0,0.15776653552281658,0.0,0.06485725675577199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310662600580431,0.0706848827717677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479809192192347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039857097749416204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21729401775503573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051627537764644085,0.0,0.05473811901428231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374665744055302,0.044151273084802836,0.0,0.0,0.05648579569619432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03512343077069941,0.0,0.1977144261207641,0.0,0.0,0.06119357444032277,0.1639535864666045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342655536726771,0.0656925049783798,0.0,0.07323552148996909,0.0,0.06529707592416395,0.06199232137762225,0.0,0.12172479907881174,0.0,0.0,0.06976679627834126,0.0,0.0,0.18398647940673465,0.0,0.06837461989237352,0.12871428857139958,0.03396469519232625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03019327523710392,0.0,0.0,0.05469271611476752,0.051898011253150564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041253232616985484,0.0,0.12417658382503513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062281755787713715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049329668381915374,0.0,0.09086298082385284,0.0,0.09533083459867793,0.0,0.197180991089384,0.05799687473754324,0.12110543482983638,0.1186011350573198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675142044706647,0.1410093364580993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396301495148135,0.0,0.06783990189472026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287472681057092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212795590695285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877559428299085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28003791511878995,0.10555693009610312,0.058787737257986264,0.04914733292171968,0.12374892006341025,0.0,0.04924809423818178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946789884210845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23789052036791286,0.0,0.06918214120552066,0.04374368644229711,0.0658725775932625,0.0,0.05166913625147535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046467319962809235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423368305098365,0.15840058863374756,0.0,0.0,0.07207434263805737,0.0,0.0,0.11810868335429715,0.0,0.0,0.13444539005406486,0.0,0.06433793323660073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20397208287486554,0.0,0.0,0.1487212130441885,0.0,0.0,0.05729095889559665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26995501389922144,0.0,0.0,0.08780456009362797,0.13514130076711472,0.0,0.0795967647205238 ptsd,Subsanic,2019/02/22,"What are some tips for avoiding the urge to expose yourself to triggers? It seems more than not my month long attacks seem to come from me getting comfortable again and exposing myself to true crime (my trigger) and once i first expose myself again I do it over and over until I have an attack. I love true crime which sucks. Should I just avoid it completely to not fall into the pattern? Sometimes I can't just ignore it, but the worse times seem to be the ones where I allow myself to indulge. Why do I do this knowing it will trigger me for so long?",5.2389252948885945,5.872443036697247,5.205792922673659,85.47403669724774,68.1743119266055,7.32948885976409,28.415465268676282,6.868970318607317,1.3769832241153344,437,14,85,3,7,136,70,109,0.191,0.71,0.099,-0.8332,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,3,2,5,0,9,1,0,4,2,25,17,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,3,4,0,0,2,3,6,0,2,0,0,15,4,15,14,2,14,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,4,8,68,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539309052640296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718556753028961,0.20917693285602326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696986369870544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423299673200072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964259216584704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531108483946441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006082452629998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924278670685127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124660458090398,0.1351895806716458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5448648899343757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19731529739204712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633282310850035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002200436233665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331238268532706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Nevination,2019/02/22,"Of PTSD and romantic relationships. I was constantly abused (verbal, physical and sexual) for 5 years. I won't enter into details but it definitely left me scared. I was diagnosed with PTSD a couple of years ago and already started treatment. Even now the symptoms are very present but fairly manageable. My problem comes to this: I don't think (or feel) that I deserve to be loved. I guess it kinda has something to do with my abuser's verbal attacks, but I just feel that I'm so dirty, soiled and broken that I want to avoid any meaningful relationship with anyone. And I feel I'm ""protecting"" others from soiling themselves with, well, me. I've dated a couple of times but never after a second date. I tell them that my job is too busy or that my family has some meeting, after a while they just stop texting. I know isolation is a symptom of depression, but I just don't feel like I deserve to be loved. My relationship with friends and family is very good btw. Do someone else has gone (or is still going) through something like this?",5.775907848496679,6.7510895583756385,6.372791878172588,76.36349082389694,67.12182741116753,9.310269426005467,31.90511518937915,9.466822959209583,2.979484498242873,821,33,146,16,13,268,115,197,0.18899999999999997,0.67,0.141,-0.8909999999999999,1,2,2,0,2,0,29.0,0,0,2,0,9,12,1,2,6,0,17,5,0,0,1,39,33,16,0,2,11,0,4,2,1,1,3,0,0,0,10,13,0,3,7,0,0,4,4,5,1,1,3,4,22,7,20,27,1,22,0,1,0,2,10,2,0,6,18,102,32,2,0.0,0.27945574795253475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453791033592542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013878813385787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019650599707316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824594617637714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416250365720228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158633130707358,0.0,0.12744053313240408,0.0,0.0,0.26097480564745074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10157301472808583,0.11969656013808393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851545872153283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789171299875637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22234798890903434,0.0,0.23851599001211565,0.08424928070204671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111249590689666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702238851722057,0.09891416532592796,0.0,0.0,0.12991329099005267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702741858388055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481129397382425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813138912511202,0.0,0.0,0.11522937134243152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21287302317499085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095495647699586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284317045189962,0.2757079314585993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798383514660008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806859434123547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992178355862012,0.18157669146560465,0.0,0.0,0.08347152551956502,0.0,0.09417912315230736,0.09859483678583224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451490387214887,0.0,0.0,0.1030760976698958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556484061932697,0.0,0.0,0.06876598453532799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946093517224161,0.06955822324086232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060333148047903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188622445911798 ptsd,Samalgam,2019/02/22,"i just got diagnosed ive been crying into my friend for the last half hour because i had to rehash all the terrible memories that have caused me to feel like this. it’s validating that im not just a wimp or trying to get attention- people make me think like that cuz they dont think being so scared could possibly mean i have ptsd i gotta be faking a fear for attention and drama. but yeah it makes sense but ive been so down on myself about it that i didnt think i could have ptsd so it came as a shock to me but not to my friends at all. it did come as a shock to my parents who just thought it was a healthy amount of fear from scary car accidents. id appreciate help from anyone who has been through the recovery process and knows how terrified i am of cars. id love non car related talk cuz thinking about it makes my stomach hurt and makes me want to start crying again",2.0455743243243236,3.729466081081085,3.3345101351351367,91.74987331081086,77.37837837837839,7.2195945945945965,22.91385135135135,8.07648339933343,0.9928986486486489,695,21,158,12,16,226,110,185,0.21600000000000005,0.647,0.13699999999999998,-0.9632,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,10,14,0,3,8,1,19,3,1,8,2,38,39,15,0,3,9,1,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,14,6,0,0,10,1,0,5,4,9,0,1,10,1,19,5,22,24,3,13,0,1,0,1,9,4,0,1,6,102,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321447679396164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126543242661154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247280272180516,0.0,0.13694759809284174,0.0,0.11483602390389673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128767161724127,0.0,0.29287277153312763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530833198101822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15624004550246418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30002492447619883,0.06740628285831621,0.09523773807069916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599221614334495,0.0,0.06964973884740315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662135773254353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935586569048802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13128494063024734,0.0,0.14271268175124788,0.0,0.14399925982901451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326449541250751,0.10866663777515696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302584970994918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031880304804275,0.0,0.3559457554032279,0.0,0.0,0.14521526825760958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802660683646304,0.0,0.0,0.09242138516519073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15028864769390596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116679399688984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334680340122245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943585419074194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715070676106403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416824185696703,0.0,0.1058344131058862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050973473682827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863055672967344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,faultypancreas,2019/02/22,"just got a ptsd diagnosis hey, everyone. new here. not really surprised with this diagnosis. but after years of just hearing ""you're depressed and anxious,"" i feel like i'm decades behind on being helped. my therapist wants to start emdr therapy next week. any advice? experiences? thanks in advance (:",3.568039215686277,6.647798352941178,4.667058823529416,71.69509803921571,94.88235294117644,7.756862745098039,29.196078431372552,8.167268648758528,3.6001137254901963,240,12,34,7,9,78,48,51,0.09699999999999999,0.7090000000000001,0.19399999999999998,0.7826,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,8,2,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,3,7,6,0,9,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,7,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308358691797052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064077561186182,0.0,0.0,0.2668664715018978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345983486799613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257226541863332,0.0,0.23107291068936045,0.0,0.0,0.11944221620071482,0.16875884589301404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893032996156436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662422048474934,0.0,0.15833631786281693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540736940828195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281471155941403,0.25122745931826035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761338252907666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133147782590092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720093268723718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748380231938025,0.27014332836048155,0.27427487733201056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933134358749938,0.0,0.1894850629028651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521208474017591 ptsd,hopeless_anon,2019/02/22,"I didn’t even realize how fucked up it was until now Fuck I wish I could just delete the whole thing from my brain. I knew the psych facility was bad with health code violations, questionable safety, fucked up ethics and all that abusive neglectful shit. But I knew that some things were wrong like rotten food, basic rights like phone calls, visitors, and showers being a privilege to be taken away at will. Or even being denied a doctor or medical tests when my pre existing conditions were acting up. Some things I didn’t notice the extent until later like I didn’t realize how badly I’d been gaslighted and manipulated until the brink of insanity. But I didn’t even realize how fucked certain “minor” things were. Like being forced to wake up at 6 am when I got a cold or how I wasn’t allowed to even sleep during “reflection time” which was basically a 3 hour time out style punishment for breaking rules or trash talking the facility, or refusing to eat the expired food. They would take away all my things like books or drawing stuff- anything to occupy the time and I wasn’t allowed to sleep either. They would stand there and poke me telling me “no sleeping” every time I tried to sleep to pass the time. I was at my weakest when I went there- because I was depressed with a bunch of mental illness but now I still feel so broken. I am angry and sad and I was talking to my grandma yesterday and she was appalled at the things I just thought were minorly shitty. I guess it puts it into perspective. But my dad still thinks that I’m exaggerating and over reacting because the facility flat out denies most of the stuff, making me seem insane. I’m frustrated and sad and trying to move on so here’s this rambling post",6.5163636363636375,6.9944953333333375,6.757121212121213,76.00568181818183,65.36363636363636,9.872727272727273,31.34848484848485,9.766711354998122,2.8957393939393943,1380,49,252,27,20,445,178,330,0.25,0.705,0.044000000000000004,-0.9969,3,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,0,22,23,8,0,16,0,28,18,7,9,3,62,47,33,0,4,13,1,1,5,0,3,4,0,1,0,16,16,3,2,11,1,0,5,7,16,0,0,24,3,32,7,35,15,9,43,0,4,0,4,11,17,5,12,23,179,48,4,0.0,0.10581392584204054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349186710232289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781331143951994,0.0,0.14913485499315968,0.10888116329746186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099695897383831,0.09119220324919597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130419356571914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691979518571701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140926934482244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913831271658148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359451327330669,0.0,0.07524481043170858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04515618924318848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21598021572646747,0.0,0.0,0.3302507008494219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142678698447814,0.0,0.09838148214472738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492892656606662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794918474203937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21815389812851416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059612966365029364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996718112960858,0.09000022488902487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491896928156247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167635623793438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553120460089064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977797643630682,0.10004402777901507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626749862050652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130153461501602,0.0,0.0,0.09167212204743573,0.0,0.0,0.35748508858187295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264101312812186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446978380154995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714758108133011,0.14356280711144578,0.07805805845712505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559887214641728,0.057224175921528425,0.0,0.07089960436917296,0.26037749595016346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126687711641905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278827594852006,0.0,0.09970782591885743,0.10269838481521508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688194246873374,0.09764293979036326,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KaylCased,2019/02/22,"Memory Erasing Drugs for PTSD Please let me know if I am out of my place here and I'll delete the post. I'm doing research to write a paper for an ethics class, and as someone who does not have a first hand experience with PTSD, I'm hoping to gain an authentic understanding from someone who does - that's why I came here. &#x200B; The essay topic: ""Research shows that there is potential for new treatments for PTSD. The treatment involves direct erasing or modifying of traumatic memories using drugs or other procedures. The effect promoted by some researchers is that the traumatic memories are simply 'erased'. Is this something that we should have available as treatment for suitable patients?"" &#x200B; I am wondering how someone who suffers from PTSD views this potential treatment and how you feel it would change your sense of self or identity, and if it's something you'd be interesting in taking. Any feedback is greatly appreciated! &#x200B; &#x200B;",6.374285714285714,9.27677214285715,5.916095238095237,72.59557142857145,68.64285714285714,8.527619047619046,35.604761904761894,9.21078282632365,3.882580476190476,792,41,115,17,15,244,107,168,0.07400000000000001,0.826,0.1,0.5799,0,0,4,0,0,0,31.0,1,3,0,4,5,4,0,0,9,0,15,3,1,4,0,27,25,13,0,5,6,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,12,8,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,3,9,3,18,19,1,7,0,1,1,0,10,3,0,8,2,79,21,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897251281174692,0.4370640247412522,0.0611505661185324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284769139013733,0.0,0.0,0.0951263656700349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738404127162248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085637255888368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796172235530515,0.0,0.0,0.04546765359732565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07648826089325722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991401696542171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931359890432614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941920184800348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195212317816244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684797009820808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395015392833707,0.09870819644044372,0.0,0.0,0.08612115521111867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204596168485989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380905890419088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22857380965223398,0.13845388073960535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761073083607883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361277323699647,0.0,0.07766440015612983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114131192016537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975174065186511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387855468555077,0.0,0.4370640247412522,0.0 ptsd,nomind-,2019/02/22,"Do I tell my father he’s one of the big reasons I have ptsd? I had a very off childhood. I was bullied bad in school, my depression and everything started when I was 10 years old, and a lot of my memories are repressed but I have bits and pieces of some of them and almost all of them were negative. My dad was abusive (psychically and verbally )up until last year (i’m 21) but we haven’t talked since. My moms never done anything to try to talk to him about it because she told me it was always punishment and I deserved the consequences and child services never did anything when I was young enough to report it. I still live with my parents because i’m struggling with my mental health and can’t be on my own at the moment but being at home is so fucking scary. I’m on hyper alert all the time and It’s gone down to me knowing the sound of his foot steps, when he’s usually in the kitchen or going up or down stairs, and knowing if he’s gonna walk in the hall way the same time I have. Sometimes if we get home at the same time i’ll wait inside my car until he goes first and i’ll go in about 5 minutes after to make sure he’s not still taking off his shoes and hanging up his keys. I feel like i’m living in a constant state of fear and just hearing his voice sends shivers down my spine and makes me dissociate bad and have flashbacks. Do i muster up the courage to talk to him about it? To tell him how bad he’s potentially fucked me up? He grew up in PR and used to tell me that over there if you had “issues” they weren’t real and to get over it. TIA",3.4813073331502338,3.940156006042301,4.501896457017307,89.58380321340294,72.02114803625378,7.347486954133482,26.22370227959352,7.1686216300943375,0.9969444108761328,1222,37,277,11,22,399,174,331,0.151,0.7959999999999999,0.053,-0.9894,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,1,3,1,12,13,3,3,13,0,23,7,3,5,5,52,46,32,0,3,10,4,1,1,0,1,1,3,3,1,7,21,1,2,4,0,0,9,7,10,0,2,13,4,41,3,50,30,10,62,0,1,0,2,35,27,2,8,25,183,48,3,0.0,0.12850062240976987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860132496794288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024267376065824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849731194743215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716644553697938,0.1322254811083175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184040167680646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172005796819631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341153802148774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098641335104187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112062293580359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747174038048456,0.0,0.0,0.12204125050087468,0.05483775766967778,0.0774797805170013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225118042348776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20052852340893285,0.11332580105918172,0.0,0.12327416706154228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528185965466167,0.12223588924650396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175770308979315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319812200833435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920730456735547,0.08840473760611052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298529747866882,0.0,0.19153428487322147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220397574070256,0.0,0.0,0.14478818776716176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929643544766844,0.0,0.0,0.1270203767328066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729329926729794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380455404733845,0.0,0.07349144706958986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042567621515332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267772842581062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234447481041085,0.0,0.1115090934072364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976155151158344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971452571642415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726408545883892,0.0,0.07676451861408065,0.0,0.1732235036386997,0.0,0.0,0.11337999244945572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221690338442377,0.0,0.08154414358599714,0.2615143978721709,0.2843815409744561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897217404505372,0.0,0.0,0.10363274062184173,0.0,0.07363335715570699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366970182893357,0.11944709982065575,0.08948616375333877,0.0,0.0860859829040787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396820392599811 ptsd,jbezpa_suivyerje,2019/02/22,"I badly hurted someone as a kid, it still haunts me This event had me deeply traumatized as a child and I never talk about it. I decided I needed to in order to finally get over it so here I am. I am not saying I have or had ptsd, I'm just sharing a story and want to discuss it. *If you're uncomfortable with injuries, stop right here Basicly, when I was 12 years old (am now 17) I went on a camping trip with my best friend and his family. That friend and I really liked building stuff and we decided we were going to get some hazel to make bows and arrows. Like all 12 years old boys, we liked to tease each other and my friend went hard on me because I had trouble cutting the rope for my bow. After a while, I ended up taking this teasing way to seriously and I wanted to prove him I was just as strong as him. I was in this mindset when he asked me to cut a piece of string he was holding right over his leg. I chopped the string with unreasonable force and didn't pay attention to where the blade was gonna end up. Not surprisingly, the blade ended up in his thigh near his knee. At that point I completely froze up for a few seconds and then realized I needed to get some help so I ran to his uncle who was probably 100 meters away. I felt so weird I think I barely breathed for the whole run. Adults quickly took care of him as I sat completely silent. His father took him to the hospital which wasn't close since we were camping. He got a bunch of stitches and everyone seemed to think I didn't miss the artery by much. I felt an enormous amount of guilt and basicly could not stop thinking ""I could have killed him"". The very next day my friend was already walking which didn't help since I was trying my best to avoid him. At the time I really thought I could have killed him but I now doubt it. Anyway. In term, he healed perfectly and we still are friends today even though I avoided him for mounts after the event. To this day I still have unconfortable burst of guilt when thinking about it but it is nothing compared to the flashbacks I used to have. I never told my parents about the story and went through the consequences on my own. The worst part of it was being so young and mentally fragile when it happened. I definitely am not saying I had ptsd but reading your stories helped me so I decided to share mine. So anyone with a similar experience willing to share?",3.1320961538461525,4.7756471583333395,3.9845833333333367,88.41644230769232,74.29166666666666,7.08974358974359,25.01602564102564,7.793537801064563,1.2087419871794869,1876,61,392,26,39,601,234,480,0.09699999999999999,0.794,0.109,0.8675,1,2,0,0,0,0,38.0,5,1,0,4,27,35,6,5,24,0,35,5,4,2,5,72,69,38,2,8,11,2,5,3,5,2,1,2,0,4,20,26,0,5,14,1,1,10,10,18,0,1,31,7,70,17,63,32,16,71,0,2,0,0,50,24,0,6,38,279,90,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155608871591912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801241816502375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756289538950756,0.0,0.0779501774687753,0.0,0.06927393490883206,0.05057588059754538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17413738367990306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459033155186294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397853006987402,0.0,0.0,0.19872706741928092,0.0,0.0,0.10701363379109936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22045226647343452,0.0,0.0,0.054798885772732,0.0,0.0,0.07927847298045426,0.0,0.08115759391823839,0.07821385341863897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932255944918938,0.09088623464670112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32050028581026696,0.0,0.1300404158475734,0.0,0.04715202774689875,0.0,0.06635624639909565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733673969070814,0.0,0.07432208781615601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683298638447394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881783233633575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18358126775237305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216003779110322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055381081127987834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361116817431473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060990252076205766,0.1230378793194808,0.12797844799038596,0.0,0.08823628898617117,0.0,0.0,0.07960902292753265,0.0,0.17411970790229264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212497576237792,0.08984511813614462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784305818574826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945240103567206,0.0,0.1939678415196393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298939866938887,0.0,0.10630150100936832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170663820576987,0.0,0.13195729202764614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552999219621867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726223122704484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029762464620462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877253226726765,0.13872816480218478,0.0,0.0,0.09497730422939164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238081850586755,0.0666856889734037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264747738180115,0.08151460382302418,0.06586648813058901,0.04837869378557715,0.0,0.07864296433986337,0.07927847298045426,0.1843586609234592,0.056329110671985164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165680344814898,0.0,0.06845641997571922,0.09787210944997612,0.0658553004456437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23073357222368654,0.0,0.0926296329978783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685598690992493 ptsd,TinyNerd86,2019/02/22,"What do you do when your best friend & coworker becomes a trigger? Backstory: I moved to a new state and started a new job a little over 2 years ago, and while I get along with people fine, I don't make friends easily because of my trust issues. Still I managed to make good friends with one of my coworkers. For almost a year, we hung out almost everyday and did pretty much everything together (including vacations) and were very close. She even brought me with her when she took a new job. I got badly triggered during the Kavanaugh/Ford media debacle. My friend wanted me to talk to her about what was going on with me and I resisted for a long time. (I lost my last best friend 10 years ago after telling her about my rape, so I generally keep shit to myself now.) Eventually I opened up and told her. Her reaction sucked, but she has lived a pretty privileged and trauma-free life so I didn't expect her to get it. And then we stopped hanging out. Suddenly she was always busy, and found other people to spend all her time with. She was my only friend in this whole state, so it sucks a lot. Worse, we share an office and many job responsibilities. So we still have to communicate and I have to pretend like it doesn't hurt. Lately I've started getting really panicky about simply talking to her. Like heart rate >100bpm panicky. My blood pressure at work this morning was 139/108. Its getting worse. I can't quit this job or I'll lose my insurance and have to take a pay cut that I can't afford. I can't keep going like this. What do I do?? Please help!",3.3869683257918552,5.319939300653598,4.1934640522875855,85.95981900452492,74.29411764705883,7.322071392659629,25.4947209653092,8.139509932561175,1.5302663650075417,1230,42,244,20,26,394,172,306,0.14800000000000002,0.6890000000000001,0.163,0.799,5,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,4,2,0,6,13,26,5,1,12,0,20,5,3,4,1,43,42,22,0,2,2,0,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,13,26,0,3,1,1,2,6,6,10,0,1,13,0,46,16,32,29,6,44,0,3,0,1,31,10,3,4,29,156,59,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572457342371142,0.0,0.17763068963535436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380144017292489,0.09610111910253363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405671550046877,0.05406771833485912,0.097956785134463,0.0,0.0,0.18616010044976347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858228637877616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971344948532835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972496146183152,0.4111537509507419,0.0,0.185358145506636,0.0,0.10081495467863452,0.07439325362036449,0.07093758522197513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051041372933965,0.059450465388020735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494995411126483,0.0,0.0,0.0925746554367673,0.3520648595703249,0.15767258546467386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229835599446559,0.10005195202495117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264798213558573,0.1299958578007479,0.08889580539997208,0.0783194107458807,0.07849238493184807,0.0,0.09922714537899817,0.09682119449266144,0.07540541426532797,0.0,0.0,0.11840935482014535,0.08992292447834739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426886966168736,0.06520111427557415,0.0,0.0,0.25698688176058804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060102104781524474,0.06745663105015129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298004876161135,0.0,0.0,0.09736060067094417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046963507696687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433817157377596,0.0,0.0,0.05682036127934681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910442600705594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555771658375406,0.0,0.14166406543141727,0.07415308691630057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668768758199155,0.1425795460516411,0.07752343914430215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343766863187093,0.0,0.0,0.08475198249603931,0.09854353531399676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318275806036377,0.05231467632455458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902492744009136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457109943975019,0.0,0.18077579746643607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135023654693265 ptsd,sadsickandtired,2019/02/22,"My trigger is the father of my kids who I'm in a nasty custody with, insists on contact multiple times a week, and gives unwarranted advice on how to handle my kids, among other things. I can't deal with this... I was diagnosed in 2011 and have done well managing my triggers. As of today, I am falling apart at the seams over here. I got a text telling me how to talk to our son who was in trouble at school, I told him I didn't need his advice, and then he responds saying maybe one day I will understand my kids. You guys, I honestly can't keep doing this. People keep telling me to be strong but I'm not. I'm broken down. I can't continue on like this and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm having a hell of a time finding a therapist. I cant avoid this human cancer of a trigger and he knows how I feel about him. He get pleasure out of this because he's a sick fuck and will always be one and insists on having half custody of my kids who I worry he will teach to be abusive themselves. Helpless doesn't even begin to scratch the surface on how I feel.... When I spoke with a court mediator I was told that I'm safe... I don't feel safe. I'm not safe. I'm not ok. I will never be ok again. The person I was a year or two ago is gone. I hardly smile and laugh. I'm uncomfortable and isolating. I'm a total wreck.",1.1893286219081285,2.757097657243816,3.3350473498233235,91.31410459363958,79.49469964664311,6.0827703180212005,22.980777385159012,6.918507183188421,0.6015202544169611,1019,33,232,11,25,348,146,283,0.209,0.71,0.081,-0.9911,0,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,1,0,1,10,16,2,1,15,2,29,4,0,7,2,41,56,18,0,1,5,2,5,1,0,4,3,2,0,7,12,13,0,6,7,0,0,2,12,5,1,4,11,7,33,11,32,37,1,31,1,1,0,1,33,16,2,1,14,151,45,3,0.0,0.1719300658929592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835970592640513,0.1286300957776016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074205210112013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14390882575889707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845690882020521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358309865233992,0.14960068472302068,0.0,0.14728226291625046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849656758718582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09584291929229706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011393671318907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262671116514746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415064299522947,0.07581329988171376,0.13920147513547973,0.0,0.0,0.11605667302332152,0.0,0.0,0.14368041420732686,0.0,0.0,0.12998888141158876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579585369131891,0.0,0.0,0.15949587904586854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708927748055247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578118014850985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759625283640578,0.11191676517626836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966588036741345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060009276363883,0.1267033084930561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539625223665599,0.0,0.1468577383518198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663286609030835,0.2536627769400445,0.0,0.0,0.16848237000119834,0.09640376388934674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692280847894568,0.0,0.13754606827942348,0.27731513808491143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175010220252982,0.15106326082803295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116397435989209,0.0,0.13047013657656367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473649155169735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344523693219704 ptsd,naomi1991,2019/02/22,"I was attacked by a dog around 6 months ago and have been dealing with PTSD since. Ive been having attacks far less often, however last week I was triggered by a dog and have had my worst symptoms yet. Has anyone dealt with disturbing thoughts that seem unrelated to the triggered incident? Some of the symptoms I’ve had: panic & anxiety attacks triggered by nighttime, being alone, when I’m falling asleep. Negative, paranoid and disturbing thoughts around losing control of myself and going crazy. Does anyone have any advice for coping with these? I’ve recently been doing EMDR and I thought it’s possible I may have heightened anxiety because it’s coming back up for me? This may sound stupid but do people get “over” ptsd? ",6.18659090909091,8.19434326515152,5.917090909090909,76.15063636363638,67.1060606060606,8.31030303030303,34.41212121212121,8.841846274778883,3.2700703030303035,589,28,92,10,10,183,91,132,0.231,0.769,0.0,-0.9679,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,4,3,4,0,19,3,1,4,0,24,27,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,11,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,9,0,0,10,1,8,0,15,14,3,16,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,5,8,64,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339446397511178,0.12150557473898747,0.0,0.0,0.14196468914240112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851686459113111,0.0,0.09321329001048824,0.0,0.20971857630535964,0.0,0.0,0.19168709728515373,0.0,0.0,0.2440453121742979,0.0,0.4678157061750942,0.0,0.10539948823910852,0.0,0.08355748692293828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807492163777528,0.0,0.0,0.15373729258425473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14131465166631646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995215427472873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161417799854336,0.0,0.0779008668816482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173153078410253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334789700309145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940912791301673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16082381914450988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950280882257562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452747052924576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204583922169896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353415257229238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478470489610165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338692431312583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849394516386101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264582735252665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995045344960444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WoollyHaze,2019/02/22,"4 Years - Pain Indescribable - TW: Preg loss, clinical death survival I’ve been living with PTSD, MDD for 4 years now. This was added to the OCD and generalized anxiety I’ve had since childhood. I feel like I’m losing this war and I just don’t want to keep fighting. I am to a place where I daily unravel and sob, wail, scream uncontrollably for hours until I pass out or someone gets me medical attention. I can’t stop reliving my trauma. My psychiatrist identified 5 inciting events and it’s more than I can bear. I want to forget the septic shock and feeling the most unbearable pain while knowing I was in organ failure. I want to forget getting pregnant and learning I was due on my dads birthday. I lost him years ago and he was everything, I was elated. Until the worst happened and I lost the pregnancy. I want to forget them strapping my knees with belts to the stirrups. I want to forget the two doses of fentanyl/versed not working and being lucid during the manual dilation and hearing the sounds of losing my baby. I want to forget when later that year I died and it took 40 minutes of CPR, drugs, intubation and ventilation to bring me back. I came back twice before the third time saved me. I wish I didn’t remember waking up on a ventilator with a tube in my lungs. I wish I could forget the faces of my nurses and doctors, their panic and tears in the eyes of the nurse by my side - Cara - I’ll never forget her name. I lost consciousness while Cara cried over me and told me to hang on. How do I forget these things when I close my eyes?? How the hell do I move on? I have a psychiatrist and counselor who I see regularly. I’ve had inpatient treatment. I don’t want to die and I can’t live like this forever. 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Hi, I’m a 31 yo female from BK, NYC. I have ptsd, BPD, depression and anxiety. Yay. I became a drug addict as well and have been clean for a bit over 2 years now. I am doing SO much better than I was a few years ago. It’s like night and day. And I recently even lost 20 pound. But even though other things are so much better, ny anxiety/stress level is off the chain. I have never have so many panic attacks in my life. I can barely look people in the eyes right now. Idk what happened. I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd for like 3-4 years now, I knew I had it for longer. Im pretty sure that’s what’s effecting me worse now. I’m so fuckinf angry! I get mad in a split second for such stupid things, I have no coping mechanisms either. Stress I can’t deal with it. I freak out. People are starting to notice and idk what to do. I have 3 jobs and I can’t lose them. I need help. I’m trying to get EMDR. Anyone have that? Why do you think? Ugh I just don’t know. I wish I was someone else. Someone who didn’t have any of this. Or I wish I could but my brain off bc I can’t atop thinking thinking thinking fucking ththinking!!!!!! 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What do you think is the best city and/or province in Canada to live in if you suffer from PTSD ? I imagine it would need to have good health care and support and not too busy or unsafe. Have thought about PEI or somewhere with lots of nature that's not too fast pace. Any ideas?",3.3100000000000023,5.211203389830512,2.612000000000002,97.35291525423729,74.42372881355931,4.7200000000000015,21.969491525423727,3.1291,-0.3542433898305082,236,6,50,0,5,68,51,59,0.075,0.733,0.192,0.8466,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,17,10,6,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,4,8,8,2,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,5,1,32,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870466337779604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886529469976432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28043660670630505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307028395706754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29237029295074396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105032860726905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428783468025473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338416770798718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394958111459946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32152423502775623,0.0,0.3081242226979812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121288236101531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17624395095628026,0.0,0.21836271460502046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953909731820548,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Oralism,2018/11/07,"I have a cure for PTSD that works 100% of the time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgJascdvJ8A If that does not help you, then you must be brain damaged.",6.4750666666666685,10.283171440000004,2.291999999999998,93.47266666666668,74.6,4.933333333333334,16.333333333333336,6.42735559955562,-0.6784666666666661,126,2,23,1,3,31,23,25,0.19699999999999998,0.8029999999999999,0.0,-0.6319,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,3,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,15,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5150492409774146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037540610662176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30925123112224423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5393249418598359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690325984837997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358879003945239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JaimeEatsMusic,2018/11/07,"Avoidance and Dissociation I was reading about PTSD today because I am struggling a lot. I found an entry about dissociation and some of the words really hit me hard. "" experiencing life intellectually, not emotionally "" That is bang on how I feel. I don't feel like I am actively avoiding anything, well except with how I use alcohol to take the edge off and make sex with my husband happen, I mostly feel like I am just shut off. Like an outsider or alien observing this planet and the people in it, with very little emotional connection to anything or anyone, even when I wish I did feel connected. This world and people and their emotions just feel perplexing to me and I don't really understand them. Does anyone else experience parts of their PTSD this way? &#x200B; Is this truly avoidance or is this dissociation? I tried to do some digging and pin down what I am experiencing so I can communicate with my husband more effectively but it isn't something that seems to fit nicely into a box and so it has been confusing. Thank you.",5.5028446771378725,7.549910837696338,6.612649214659691,70.3326561954625,68.89528795811518,9.491239092495636,30.53438045375217,9.888512548439397,3.2763169982547997,834,34,141,21,15,279,113,191,0.069,0.8,0.13,0.9117,0,3,2,0,1,0,21.0,0,1,3,1,11,11,0,5,7,0,16,3,0,5,0,45,31,18,0,1,8,2,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,14,1,3,9,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,4,8,23,6,20,26,6,13,0,0,0,1,6,10,0,9,5,106,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421733028834812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607652460777608,0.15260538576293758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756306536804847,0.12868161883062385,0.20669945262565007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655839258885168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990450355828214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491418475700873,0.42381495285721743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295089597755947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285094917478605,0.0,0.0,0.31750994930608833,0.17944279437817126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770276246821586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105866886096387,0.0,0.11250381624256953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870780863233252,0.18407053641132956,0.1258739998452157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677197940731296,0.0,0.0,0.08383218445033487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360015435261161,0.0,0.17413634500676398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936155729811144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562381295150712,0.0,0.16091211761233107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433226127696244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668518425030184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129375519618286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442791972697548,0.0,0.0,0.11562623877186315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119044470746685,0.0,0.0,0.08526724830206937,0.0,0.0,0.13074343861293675,0.0,0.10846928664869993,0.0,0.1036247597433386,0.0,0.09968735859873618,0.0,0.0,0.11292033681000707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442210249800813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260538576293758,0.0 ptsd,waywardandweird,2018/11/07,"A couple weeks ago I randomly remembered about 1.5-2 years I guess I forgot. I repressed most of my childhood and I like it that way, but I didn't realize I was missing adult years. Anyone else lose large amounts of time as an adult? I'm not sure how to explain this. I'll start by saying I moved out right at 18, but ages 19-21 have always been hard to remember. I'm 37. Before now, I could tell an occasional story about those years but I couldn't ever get a timeline to make sense for me and never wanted to delve too deep into it. Mostly I think my memory loss is a protective measure and I appreciate and enjoy it. All of a sudden, out if the blue, it hit me like a ton of bricks and the full extent of my repression was glaringly apparent. It was to the point where up until recently, the information about where I thought lived during part of that time would have even been wrong. Now I'm being flooded with memories of a time I now know I didn't want to remember. I don't want them. It also makes me question my reality. For example: A couple years ago something happened at a bar where I was sexually assaulted. I always thought I was roofied because that time is just gone. I don't know what happened, just that I was missing for a while after going outside, and I got out of someone's grip pulling my arm really hard in the alley behind the bar. I was covered in bruises and could barely walk for days afterwards. Talking it over with some friends, I'm not sure I'm missing enough time to have been drugged, and no idea what happened in that alley. Basically, I feel insane because of my memory loss. Anyone know how to cope with this?",3.681727272727272,5.067331596969698,5.005272727272729,82.68790909090913,72.42424242424242,8.067878787878788,27.745454545454546,8.608573733854374,2.0205854545454542,1297,48,257,23,25,432,173,330,0.125,0.8009999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9289,1,0,2,0,1,0,35.0,0,0,1,3,17,16,1,2,17,0,24,4,1,4,5,62,56,18,0,8,8,0,4,2,1,1,1,1,0,2,17,15,2,4,15,2,0,5,9,10,0,0,17,6,34,6,43,33,10,51,0,6,1,0,10,18,0,7,29,174,51,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18038605354222853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136744540749279,0.16932415499999798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228844671741292,0.10425234593615916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404867301202815,0.0,0.08657963527148403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247421177628885,0.2251633647229868,0.0,0.06561872531501353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799480661350376,0.0,0.0849969870000956,0.0,0.0,0.1051323746134845,0.0,0.06720326944712683,0.09203644616367697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051446597228155526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786098723047621,0.0,0.053158873469707824,0.0,0.057825453583036576,0.0,0.08137677697960326,0.0,0.11208635120538303,0.0,0.26992495596147664,0.0,0.1822915638867796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486055181135307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775330845051772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941738591205587,0.0,0.08984491368712565,0.0,0.0,0.11382943547573687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358345033785094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081414987354545,0.0,0.0,0.0784739507240371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101826359691556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618428278492652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398049499949273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518205903486979,0.0,0.10046338926418244,0.0,0.3457802763042019,0.0868918159146915,0.0,0.0809137022276812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621033336671707,0.0783302026113848,0.0,0.0,0.07201740987187706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179164436315055,0.0,0.0,0.08178079282365522,0.08893180671708899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519569475832307,0.0,0.1615523121303521,0.2966489508067687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003994926111222,0.08076243591383962,0.08161571362284446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227851042257291,0.1112449274342964,0.0,0.2620882369808933 ptsd,wrest472,2018/11/07,"How to get ""unstuck"" from constant hyperarousal (after being threatened by someone)? I was threatened by a person with a gun, and since then my body/mind have been stuck in this weird state where all my movements are more ""stressed""... i.e. if I turn my head to look at someone after they call me name... then as I turn my head, my head will subconsciously turn as if there's a threat there... It's like all my bodily movements are affected by this ""hyperarousal"" (i.e. quick turns of the body) This ""hyperarousal"" (if that's what it is) has been affecting my sleep also. So it's like my subconscious is stuck in alert mode (even though consciously I know there's not a threat). How do I get out of this? Will taking a SSRI like Zoloft help this?",4.196235595390527,5.84070161971831,4.069897567221513,88.87593469910374,71.53521126760563,7.698847631241997,24.8809218950064,8.296473431620573,1.3452309859154932,578,17,118,9,11,176,83,142,0.135,0.779,0.085,-0.7383,0,0,0,1,0,0,37.0,0,0,1,0,11,7,2,1,6,0,13,6,5,4,2,16,24,13,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,5,1,15,3,17,16,3,14,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,3,9,82,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688728586707064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623552368429215,0.0,0.0,0.14924977063243064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795134190258062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965399334798919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272929876333546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500192502622078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797063803210404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032790354833524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142250198908653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274093492337235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758395801766142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276247537525179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090835867464216,0.0,0.14626954271945702,0.0,0.24768854006575405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743035079496538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989712626555516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360537298789985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6359377738341219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Motion_ambient,2018/11/07,"Feel like my diagnosis isn’t valid. Hello. This is my first time posting in this sub. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD by my psychiatrist, but I feel like my diagnosis isn’t valid because the event that triggered it isn’t typically seen as traumatic by most people. Basically, my ex would go days on end without contacting me. The only communication we had was a text exchange every few days. I also saw that he would constantly tag his ex in Facebook posts while ignoring me. This caused a lot of psychological distress (as it was essentially psychological torture). He made me think I did something wrong, but wouldn’t tell me what it was. I was super stressed about this for months and it caused impairment in my day to day functioning. He was the love of my life and I never thought he would treat me this way. This isn’t typically seen as something that is necessarily “traumatic”, but my psychiatrist said that these events don’t necessarily need to be things that are typically viewed as traumatic (such as physical assault). She said they can be ANYTHING that causes a large amount of emotional distress. Is she right? I hate telling people why I have PTSD out of fear of them thinking I’m just being overdramatic and looking for attention. I’ve already had a “friend” tell me that the symptoms of my PTSD were me looking for attention. ",6.025443094916781,7.752507902834008,6.6256342780027,72.00087156995053,67.13765182186235,10.185245164192533,33.965137201979296,10.380263240014207,3.80133936122357,1080,50,190,29,18,353,135,247,0.159,0.7490000000000001,0.092,-0.9705,0,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,2,2,4,15,3,4,8,0,28,4,0,5,1,32,46,13,0,5,5,2,2,2,1,4,3,2,0,0,20,6,0,1,7,0,1,1,8,9,0,1,17,10,30,6,26,22,4,24,0,0,6,1,21,6,0,2,16,127,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896297668212742,0.08620979223404727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887124490548903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571553447277963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322292517754745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649643729426855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780953315046269,0.0,0.0,0.10941748649135527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212635445214559,0.0954812079451992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082843687688592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130802530900188,0.10901658362201896,0.1540285622659191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169693430433627,0.0,0.0,0.08328811018951404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126676724662256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643286259327503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614424570653364,0.10533392244290847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105425957773305,0.0,0.0,0.09165001322781084,0.09729615918265926,0.10200553548957417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860470986117084,0.0,0.0,0.0799343472061014,0.08314409963128963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198882253064738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947365790073058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064904030862507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780468147680601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644217564185486,0.0,0.0,0.09206292958233672,0.20509013706857335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16598359353571324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348764580026908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120482978029322,0.0,0.0,0.2826729735098463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716193336809096,0.1381512537728468,0.0,0.08558331402650313,0.06286063004048699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556877736026998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972751826439679,0.0,0.0,0.10391797030704028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297398671659403,0.11786534569412965,0.0,0.0 ptsd,scarberia123,2018/11/07,"How to stop being a grievance collector? In a thread discussing the yoga studio shooter in Tennessee, I came across a comment that mentioned this concept of 'Grievance collector', it's definition is: 'collect social slights, historical grievances, or wrongs for reasons that personally benefit them or their belief system. These individuals use these wrongs, slights, or wounds, to then justify their beliefs or behaviors, or to help them deal with their own psychological or social distress.' I'd like to think I have some self awareness, and realize that this may be a big part of my mental health issues, I was not like this prior to the trauma, only after, the tendency to collect grievances seems to be an automatic part of how I think, the question is how do I stop this?",13.805777777777774,10.23779431851852,12.421481481481482,54.09666666666668,53.96296296296296,14.948148148148148,50.7037037037037,12.688352899677879,6.4919925925925925,623,32,92,14,5,200,86,135,0.132,0.7929999999999999,0.075,-0.7941,0,0,0,1,0,0,18.0,0,0,5,0,3,7,0,1,9,0,9,2,0,5,0,26,14,11,0,0,7,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,2,10,3,0,2,8,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,11,3,16,8,4,12,2,0,0,0,15,4,0,10,8,71,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041317210407524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18400337417606508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971417331218854,0.0,0.0,0.11963029683245326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862850599533593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439104363822716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17986422980196018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357408515337368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865493887451292,0.0,0.0,0.15584043833193534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999366337689317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18350550152397735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248001516972324,0.1861918763998835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638724668756399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984318370240123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287234802106082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541480168702044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902761839239477,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GOVADM,2018/11/07,"US Patent for Treatment of PTSD Cannabis Science (CBIS) Confirms Receipt of Issued US Patent Number 9,763,991 For Compositions of Cannabinol (CBN) for Treatment of Various Neurobehavioral Disorders, Sleep Deprivation (Insomnia), Anxiety Disorders (ADHD), and (PTSD) https://www.cannabisscience.com/2018/488-cannabis-science-confirms-receipt-of-issued-us-patent-number-9-763-991-for-compositions-of-cannabinol-cbn-for-treatment-of-various-neurobehavioral-disorders-sleep-deprivation-insomnia-anxiety-disorders-adhd-and-ptsd",48.03162162162162,57.76662743243244,28.300675675675677,-74.88844594594595,-22.62162162162161,17.129729729729732,64.44594594594594,15.247664890283005,11.204956756756756,473,17,19,9,2,115,27,37,0.113,0.8540000000000001,0.033,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,7,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707443476581857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799678522782064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35355561436672783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609914090241407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5409114549655818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087122185259842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5566122035541222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,-Papadil-,2018/11/07,"How do I keep going to work? I was diagnosed a month ago, coincidentally I just starting working at a place that is ridiculously similar to that which caused my diagnosis in the first place. It's like a mouse working at a cat hotel. I've used up all of my sick days for the year in 2 months time. I'm sitting on the bathroom floor trying to muster up the energy to get out and go, but I feel physically ill everytime I try to talk myself into functioning. I can't go on like this.",4.803636363636361,4.856367696969695,6.578333333333332,77.28750000000002,69.0,10.236363636363636,29.631313131313128,10.125756701596842,2.7035979797979803,378,13,80,9,6,132,72,99,0.08199999999999999,0.847,0.071,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,4,2,3,1,0,8,0,4,3,0,3,1,11,13,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,1,1,1,9,2,17,12,1,25,0,0,0,0,1,13,0,0,10,49,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759999314932863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039624562283189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128046386439909,0.0,0.0,0.2015210206191109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003913263793243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888397258251187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373261020136032,0.0,0.33851649845424897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647769190550228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19400006559450866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31695663443913524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148787025579964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053258502944124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958455381430528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577434950052633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26960075337695216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714808556689425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43363373129240224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278577552089827 ptsd,Chocoloca05,2018/11/07,"Panic before seeing my therapist So as the title says, I had an appointment today with my therapist (she is amazing and the best I've ever had) But as I was in the waiting area my body started shivering, hands were shaking and I felt likei couldn't breathe... it's like a panic that was building up slowly. I do feel safe with my therapist and in her office and I had no flashbacks, triggers or anything while waiting... I just wanted to know if this is a normal reaction? Has any one had the same experience?",3.787803030303032,5.565278424242425,5.207967171717172,79.76528409090913,72.83838383838383,7.77828282828283,29.546717171717173,8.472884824447931,2.4112717171717173,400,17,72,7,8,134,71,99,0.125,0.77,0.105,0.1655,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,3,7,0,12,3,3,1,1,22,20,11,0,4,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,8,5,12,4,8,11,2,9,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,2,5,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464495974940396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083383694446506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596813505355805,0.0,0.19235382232421366,0.0,0.0,0.203596278636698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579825983436308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929491153381968,0.0,0.0,0.09267802756810377,0.0,0.17598922554654878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10073258215225657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954729494979917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17958740824851366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420351682799413,0.0,0.0,0.4301077338168692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457612889816237,0.0,0.0,0.14606012715846625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297351400694095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6384490036562691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737395436867974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811046975554968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,survivor-987,2018/11/07,"How do I get through this? Things are not okay but they really need to be. I witness the aftermath of my partner relapsing on self harm. She was having a really bad day and the urges were constant. I took a shower and walked out to the mess. It was only 10 minutes. But I can’t unsee her siting on the counter over the sink shaking, crying, and dripping. I don’t know how to process and explain how serious this is to her without making her feel bad. I am not mad at her and I never was. I am shocked and freaking out. I want to process and I want to trust her to stay safe but now I want to know everything and I can’t stop controlling and flipping out on the stupid things. I am without a therapist right now and I have no one to talk to that gets me. It’s just sitting in my head, eating away at me ",0.13002958579881607,2.338377786982249,2.0889319526627226,95.13635650887576,87.69822485207102,5.273491124260355,22.059467455621306,6.742157984588678,0.5100885207100596,622,23,140,8,20,206,96,169,0.21899999999999997,0.6829999999999999,0.098,-0.977,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,6,13,2,1,9,1,16,2,1,5,1,37,28,16,0,4,8,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,7,13,1,3,4,0,0,3,9,10,0,1,5,1,25,3,25,22,0,25,0,0,0,0,11,13,0,0,7,106,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368236765719432,0.0,0.2909274116110911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882664107075388,0.1953988945007883,0.0,0.0,0.19136891480586216,0.11235538852713713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782672243352977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565747776730069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808922136507914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18204211842522325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879664284717567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148993479313225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162910307173497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917950960791552,0.13436669457584366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805377580077002,0.13249968578001986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321541702322453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878014911225235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174606125588744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569187087595715,0.0,0.14565300049929325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14002882115810872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227906976859006,0.23148372950343885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356121498343892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082726516330249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358774522571876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Caitlyn-Misery,2018/11/07,"I'm my own monster. I'm recovering from a year of damage I have done to myself and others due to medication that made me into something I never want to be ever again. I'm so afraid of getting close to others and so paralyzed by constant reminders of events where I lost control. I don't know how to deal with Trauma and it's killing me slowly, all I have is horrible self medication habits which only make me even worse emotionally. I'm putting way too many irons in the fire and I have no idea how to stop. Any advice will help at least ground me again. I really want to go back to school but nowadays I don't even see myself living much longer if I continue to push my self to the limit",3.813450704225353,4.765433302816906,5.155042253521128,83.39523943661972,71.60563380281691,7.933521126760564,25.46760563380281,8.238735603445708,1.448606197183098,547,16,113,8,10,183,95,142,0.147,0.8390000000000001,0.013999999999999999,-0.8984,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,13,5,1,1,3,0,9,2,0,5,3,23,22,10,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,5,7,0,3,2,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,3,2,17,0,19,17,4,21,0,2,1,0,4,6,0,1,11,77,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167504214666595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125111286205786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722022124183344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879180690563148,0.1855653447891428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1705708590246327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931197301972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861080797003846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21855527072464,0.14965827238258095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644037766443513,0.0,0.09402859240768667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089711037884684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677200680290013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18304502503934847,0.0,0.09092655274309827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609467363467069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060734466223397,0.0,0.0,0.15655203221785352,0.11043862487595976,0.1677395192178495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33334532313255305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216241978838928,0.0,0.1276046216681296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583157104874648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632214208331084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059909932653172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744342201015333,0.13184159059542594,0.0,0.3451991947772393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737087628687555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832293844996907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951724480853866,0.1313258729132058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16860686821047996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065438595070312 ptsd,crystaltorta,2018/11/07,"A person in my class next semester might have my abuser's name. How can I deal with this? [tw: cursing] This hasn't been a problem until now, since my abuser had an uncommon name. Yesterday, I went to an event related to my major and a person with my abuser's name was there. Every time I heard their name, I felt sick. Disgusting. It would trigger a fight reflex and I'd feel like I was going to lose my mind and start screaming and lashing out at everyone in the room. So I had to force myself to dissociate. Since I have severe anger issues, this isn't going to work if I have class with this person. I'm actually medicated for my anger issues, and surprised and disappointed that my meds didn't help the situation, but I guess PTSD-anger is a bit different then regular anger issues. I've been on many meds for PTSD/anxiety and they don't work, and I know doctors aren't going to be fans of me taking a benzo three times a week, it was already impossible getting a benzo prescribed at all, in spite of severe panic attacks multiple times a week lmao, and I still barely take them because I don't like the memory loss and I don't feel like getting myself addicted to them (plus, I'm already on two ""downers""). There's a VERY good chance this person will be in my class (this is a very small program at my school, so all the students in the program have all the same classes together). I haven't been able to get therapy because of how shit resources are here (I haven't even had a psychiatrist since July even though I kinda need one lmao). My school's therapy is terrible, they have a waitlist and they emphasize that it's not for people with serious issues. In fact, I used to utilize their services, but they kicked me out for being too mentally ill. I'd love to take the class (pretty sure I need it to graduate, and I'm already late in graduating and my family is PISSED and not understanding), so I don't want this to be an issue. That bitch took my childhood away, I don't need them fucking up my education when they haven't even been in my life for over a decade.",4.849130434782608,5.504944009661838,5.9523188405797125,79.69775362318842,69.04830917874396,9.128502415458938,28.859903381642514,9.250403328903447,2.3408106280193244,1636,56,323,31,27,546,193,414,0.17,0.7490000000000001,0.081,-0.9878,1,0,0,0,4,0,50.0,0,0,10,4,16,26,11,1,24,0,40,10,2,4,5,55,69,27,0,7,5,0,3,3,0,3,6,2,1,4,14,21,0,0,5,0,0,5,14,19,0,3,15,5,49,7,45,47,6,41,0,3,0,2,23,20,4,4,19,215,63,16,0.07597280692287459,0.27004605911485063,0.07413850034757337,0.08282157355341574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515136448687388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058118989349282064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864300356652838,0.07137895297591443,0.0,0.0,0.0926246358921695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294262837529914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832462798272635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937541324672043,0.0,0.07776138712903334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053796736785532,0.0,0.06401036651281618,0.07259527275792171,0.0,0.0,0.07162040096022129,0.0,0.07682826781527846,0.1085499768915724,0.07294580877305533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023563579069643,0.1190779678656982,0.0,0.12953129090487664,0.0637223859414969,0.0,0.0,0.08369261207553402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092297104236399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964793603628569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041752667824264386,0.0,0.0857006353515478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366184031245276,0.11134942778343054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499413785529983,0.0,0.0,0.06856842442431398,0.0,0.0,0.07702450181623413,0.0,0.0,0.16877732329596593,0.07653461023013437,0.07656272038336705,0.08059514226204557,0.07671087757934276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899862105611124,0.0,0.0,0.08079794205518002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148114016263703,0.0,0.0,0.0891377196682959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05266997845182505,0.2653460983891371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729165735767457,0.0,0.07269571587350003,0.1776162914345637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377707320106698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716552940462225,0.07798499454775933,0.18853647290377865,0.08539661811714025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05377394376990188,0.0,0.0606719817466831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160347142357086,0.0,0.1713662876205635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376305162416752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464289706671468,0.0,0.13290106402157226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440858389340686,0.0,0.0,0.07421439308304263,0.07909037133165289,0.0,0.06561611236585846,0.0,0.12537104445473898,0.04481072991066504,0.0,0.12188160620891997,0.0,0.0,0.07042755315648687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106182165432322,0.0,0.0,0.053968902271691765,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,djstupid,2018/12/02,"Studying interuppted by PTSD. I have my final exams this week. I haven't studied because I sit down to study and have flashbacks instead. What can I do? I feel like crying.",1.2809090909090912,3.948388000000001,2.717333333333336,87.33600000000001,93.24242424242424,3.852121212121212,24.78181818181818,5.6839178017228535,0.7948836363636365,136,6,24,1,5,44,27,33,0.10099999999999999,0.8170000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,18,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532763065900545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4563916763852281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008212044815536,0.2968231611678325,0.0,0.4551444198148222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20298539035723576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4856807031030084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332776724520268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ArtsyKitty,2018/12/02,"Changes in sleep disturbances/sleep walking Hi I just wanted to ask what you guys do when you have particularly bad nightmares/flashbacks? I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD for 7.5 years now and have dealt with sleep issues, screaming in my sleep, etc. last night I apparently slept walk which I have never done before. My stress levels are extremely high lately and my nightmares have been the worst they’ve ever been. I don’t know if the sleep walking is because of the bad nightmares I’ve been having or if it could be something entirely different. Have any of you experienced sleep walking in especially stressful times? I’m on a mix of sleeping medications but I’ve been on them for years and this never happened before. Any advice would be helpful. ",5.768805573988054,8.003933445255477,5.459973457199733,78.10020570670208,68.56204379562044,7.901526211015263,30.7027206370272,8.575989854853784,2.551998540145986,610,25,102,10,11,188,87,137,0.102,0.871,0.027999999999999997,-0.7905,2,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,3,1,0,4,6,0,2,4,0,20,9,7,0,3,17,26,8,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,6,0,0,7,2,11,0,13,15,2,22,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,3,11,67,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489598718603843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459961382952924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003527932266846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792566621190176,0.06543632573764836,0.0,0.1826848471106911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355644697524744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570599900516483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895259918199088,0.0,0.1121523522709351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985088555726524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971770290116705,0.0,0.09709941629634264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628811826672496,0.09492455347911664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195088193461219,0.11341555697268807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203996570917348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05899383346229964,0.08750024818598885,0.12108948416954372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813848037261578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655816826351814,0.0,0.0,0.10073571837539996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254801963934928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7519554804544679,0.0,0.0,0.08263918555061969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24592595586387114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259355107439522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331467844882406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625458680053585,0.0,0.0,0.13825291984723434 ptsd,Infamous_Bad,2018/12/02,"Coming off a long numbing spell Disclosure - i wasnt diagnosed with ptsd Can we talk about getting back to normal after numbing for too long. Ive been into a 2 years bout of worse than usual emotional numbness after some traumatic events and an abusive relationship. Numbness and dissociation is normal for me -ive been like that since i was a child but the past 2 years have been bad. I just isolated and numbed everything out. Came off the numbness maybe 2 months ago and ive just been a dumpster fire since. All the repressed feelings just came back obviously and ive been a mess of mood swings and anxiety attacks and crying every day and generally feeling pathetic and unlovable. Ive been trying to reconnect with people but nobody wants to deal with me. (Thats what i get for pushing everyone away) We always talk about dissociation and numbing but nobody ever talks about how much it sucks when you come back. I would love to hear your story <3",5.3018619582664535,7.307417067415731,5.676436597110754,77.01089887640451,69.3370786516854,8.456500802568218,29.56821829855538,9.04235418022936,2.6424577849117186,770,30,132,15,14,246,111,178,0.305,0.643,0.051,-0.9938,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,2,2,0,0,14,16,2,1,9,0,17,9,0,1,3,40,29,15,0,4,6,0,3,1,0,1,8,1,0,1,4,21,0,1,2,0,0,5,1,13,0,0,10,4,16,2,23,18,3,27,0,0,0,1,12,5,1,1,18,90,20,0,0.0,0.1537623963753381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503788863238748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798336624789512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927767625882288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763803011523902,0.12192807659901456,0.2993673652260172,0.1083568750727044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968565229578597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22357969524975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425519684074162,0.0836942708901895,0.13379253746534567,0.0,0.13171910085630156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459796378367384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738910227246822,0.10934120697930652,0.12400576932728312,0.11663358588244956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123648544286975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560437619086405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626608728537852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340160973695683,0.0,0.0,0.22969394445166966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171271888549916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037663592832774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358533013206447,0.0,0.09539970745954553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254304293118557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388511709901096,0.08996978660235525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15170026936773612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933000265594872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470278050241515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31292518082325943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810884521102401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292905329236635,0.0,0.07654477799427717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132252020426933,0.09218858186905572,0.0,0.0,0.1671419537464886 ptsd,sosoanna,2018/12/02,"ADHD meds for PTSD? Hey has anybody tried or been prescribed ADHD meds like Adderall for concentration problems that come from your PTSD diagnosis?? It's getting closer to finals now at college and I have lots of trouble with focussing on my studies. It is really bad! Does anyone have advise or suggestions etc? ",4.819333333333329,8.018807327272732,5.148636363636364,74.47628787878789,75.72727272727272,6.575757575757575,30.984848484848484,7.793537801064563,2.754393939393939,253,12,36,4,6,80,48,55,0.16899999999999998,0.7909999999999999,0.04,-0.8379,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,1,8,6,2,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,3,25,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4872215388377547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173532242732462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924934023923374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461151351272858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738760201151665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260684985590779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220522808618625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590445317132467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903091622829968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17233165862982516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4503168080145255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19396031462757446,0.4739001653079432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129857347759684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762268348178933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bryan459,2018/12/02,"Can I really have PTSD? TW/CW!!! I'm in healthcare. My ""traumas"" have been 40 years of removing people from life support. It really hit me hard about 15 years ago when I had to remove an infant and place them in their mother's arms to die. I left intensive care work after that, but had to perform a stress test on a patient that caused them to code. I've done cpr hundreds of times, but this one was caused by a procedure I was required to perform. I haven't been the same since that. And now whenever things get stressful at work especially involving responsiblity I have panic attacks. One of the docs I talked with said I have ptsd. Is that possible? I'm not a combat veteran or a rape victim, things I easily picture causing PTSD. All I know is I whatever I'm dealing with has altered my life and everything is a threat now and I can barely interact with my family and friends anymore",3.297161904761904,5.24974572571429,4.805714285714284,81.38761904761904,74.6,8.323809523809524,27.666666666666664,9.029198982220553,2.397438095238096,702,28,135,16,15,235,111,175,0.191,0.735,0.07400000000000001,-0.9764,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,3,5,4,11,4,3,9,0,18,4,1,3,1,19,27,9,1,0,4,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,8,8,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,8,0,2,8,2,19,3,19,18,2,16,0,0,0,1,11,6,0,1,8,89,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610872010105873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990015648438447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14901232036429982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13354612080702236,0.4036675390792698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503794679173808,0.0,0.0,0.13593990119162874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340413088998945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771927091676038,0.0,0.12347932116833353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119730967424136,0.0,0.06843332551911485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733523602565793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198495136561099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231365012253158,0.0,0.18503464168276298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751523741915146,0.0,0.0,0.15368058496695106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080727136384377,0.0,0.13684958494723715,0.0,0.0,0.14766389823797732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593371190484826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782240754147126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459503562294792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083506718640156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000816684292155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486382041016834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527934945238504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740388603530187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637736803068887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071468610174935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686977964860827 ptsd,Appius246,2018/12/02,"How do I cope with Flashbacks? I started to have depersonalization a week ago then it got really bad last night and I started having flashbacks to when I was having psychosis and I had to go to the ER. &#x200B; How do I cope with flashbacks?",1.9279432624113504,4.692119702127659,3.2820212765957457,85.4841666666667,86.02127659574468,4.835460992907802,24.854609929078013,6.42735559955562,0.9611163120567372,194,8,36,2,6,63,30,47,0.096,0.904,0.0,-0.6313,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,0,6,11,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,6,0,6,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,28,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26516563680753197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241132685521871,0.3634824634216637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497657086957225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000563981450748,0.0,0.2392460444187223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438354172266664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807184714205965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19163390797682908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234593966641619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23994851321736335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634824634216637,0.0 ptsd,NomadicDragon,2018/12/02,"Help Me Help My Wife Here goes. My wife grew up in a very abusive home. Her father was an alcoholic. He beat her mother regularly. He also abused her. She was sexually assaulted and raped by him at an early age. I don't know how young but, he died when she was 13 and sleeping with a knife under her pillow so, younger than that. She's been keeping it together for 30 years but, in the past months it has gotten to the point she can't really function. Her therapist diagnosed her with PTSD and dissociative disorder with dissociative seizures. Within the last week, she's begun trembling a lot. She's quiet and has some difficulty putting her words together because of the thoughts racing in her mind. The way she's described it is, there's a room in her mind where all of those memories are kept, compartmentalized. She's been able to keep that for shut but, lately, her mind is forcing it open and things are leaking out. I took her to the ER this past Friday at the suggestion of her therapist where they gave her Ativan and a perception for Vistaril. So far, we've seen mild improvement. We'll be trying, again, to get her to a psychiatrist on Monday. The problem is they are either an hour+ away or, not taking new patients or, there's a long waiting list. I am trying to help her but, I'm not sure how. How can I advocate for her to get her the help she needs? 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(Sexual, in my particular case.) My PTSD stems from being physically abused as a child often in the form of blows to the face. I, however, actually enjoy when my partner roughly slaps me in the face during sex. Sometimes I’m perfectly fine, but it has triggered me before. (We have a safe word and my s/o is very supportive and calms me down very quickly so we intend to continue on a case by case basis.) Does anyone else have experience navigating a trigger that is also something they enjoy? Perhaps a sport or hobby that is somehow tied to the trauma? I don’t want to let my PTSD rule my life by giving up every little enjoyable thing that may possibly trigger me. ",6.024275862068966,7.3812271862069,7.5615517241379315,66.67612068965518,66.79310344827587,10.489655172413793,33.81034482758621,10.577609850970193,4.089951724137931,622,28,99,17,10,215,102,145,0.036000000000000004,0.759,0.205,0.9752,1,0,2,0,2,0,20.0,2,1,1,1,6,10,0,0,9,0,10,4,2,5,1,20,14,10,0,2,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,8,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,16,9,15,11,1,10,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,6,3,71,24,0,0.0,0.4046826637307784,0.16665249200823076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656930123733596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613336246105488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941037134092915,0.1749799316612586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14531758040570295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944700491532922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266122112779334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388593030220606,0.0,0.0,0.3341028949817511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638236554511393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462976923899318,0.12062395883235175,0.0,0.1711621604623727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925239924815832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992554131801919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629430230442182,0.16890157810950998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193794291159982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134558163570491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818157487149764,0.1007279587975173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,drotothedruid,2018/12/02,"Girlfriends PTSD is really affecting me So I live with my girlfriend and usually its been great. I was there when she got her diagnosis and been with her every step of the way so far. Theres one thing thats really upsetting me though. Whenever I have a problem in the relationship or if shes upset me, I'll try to talk to her but it will end up triggering her into an episode which doesn't help her and makes her more angry with me. Whenever she is in an episode she gets very angry and shouts at me about the smallest things. Last night she was getting angry because I'm on crutches and i was hitting the crutch off the ground too loudly. She will also just criticise everything about me while in an episode but in such a way where it just upsets me so much it usually brings me to tears every time. When shes not in an episode shes the best person to be around and so nice. I love her so much and I know she can't control it but its really getting to me. How can I keep managing to deal with this?",3.468115942028988,4.523606342995169,4.613256038647343,86.5671304347826,72.52657004830918,8.418550724637681,26.360386473429948,8.841846274778883,1.7623116908212566,791,26,171,15,15,260,113,207,0.145,0.77,0.086,-0.885,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,20,8,0,3,12,0,17,1,0,5,0,29,28,23,0,2,8,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,11,13,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,6,2,33,4,24,18,4,27,0,0,0,1,24,14,0,2,9,130,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363529802728128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376287072320972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424404674942984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224543729594185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339947768897998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938804682221278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693163264169625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605179892358198,0.0,0.13894645994354912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423197556949469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236494770603474,0.17044943619820818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362657444879923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741751060776394,0.0,0.0,0.08496530842883558,0.1260214015329798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651654693487833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395344928427644,0.0,0.10319814775728026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22730076471306815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508366178705584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476243028582173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499264996019686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793339545736556,0.18072166127494074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971263232284984,0.0,0.0,0.16598487036556492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242633665469468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054216217135839,0.0,0.15189584526643302,0.0,0.09014976753613987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496472383284662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405448924132845,0.12756297998701388,0.0,0.2454320099054573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JOOCY_ChestPump,2018/12/02,"I just witnessed a shooting, and I need to talk about it First off, I don't know if this is really the proper askreddit to be posting this in, but I don't really know where else to go with it I was just driving home after a rave when I saw a large group of people crossing the street in front of me. I thought that was really strange, because it was already around 2:15am. Then I saw a commotion in the group, punches and kicks started to be thrown, and one of the guys pulled out a gun an just started shooting people. I floored it right away, peeled out onto the nearest side road, and took the long way home, but not before I saw a guy get quadruple-tapped. So here I am, writing this at home, feeling somewhat traumatized, and not having anybody to talk about this to since it is now after *3am*. I'm not going to be able to sleep.",6.023267973856207,5.114593823529411,6.144901960784317,84.6498366013072,66.64705882352942,8.732026143790849,32.41830065359477,7.3871296695380915,1.952633986928105,650,23,138,5,9,207,99,170,0.057,0.9309999999999999,0.011000000000000001,-0.7964,0,0,0,3,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,11,0,0,0,13,0,12,1,1,0,0,25,27,11,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,10,9,0,0,4,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,8,4,12,0,26,16,1,35,0,0,3,0,7,17,0,2,9,96,22,0,0.1576431280231274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739631118182278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033580622458294,0.0,0.0,0.14811090807217356,0.0,0.0,0.0960977876522846,0.0,0.134142690982669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169060513895514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970910217450737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340911641644429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236202791191997,0.0,0.17918444508570844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121829627203552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743867325265966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732730808750953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950920756052976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168903819403268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682306338469144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21857979170061329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097854006069567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30297067348383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462636998433308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040402453986666,0.0,0.1577569760048651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22316123479899325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25341514977886376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515103474208744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514731567661487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512977734113875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,suckmycockatoo,2018/12/02,"Being ‘triggered’ by the smallest things is embarrassing. I’ve (24F) have had PTSD since childhood due to abuse, and it is already exhausting being hyper vigilant all the damn time in even the most basic of my human functions. I’m sure you can all relate. But my startle reflex is so mortifying, I can’t even be in the same room as someone making a sudden movement or worse, being in an empty room when someone walks in silently. My heart pounds, my blood races, I usually scream and tears spring to my face. Tonight, I was in the bathroom while my boyfriend was showering. He opened the door and was looking at me, making a funny face, and I didn’t hear him open the shower door. I screamed, bolted, and am hiding on the couch because I’m so ashamed that I’m like this. I know he understands and loves me, but this isn’t a rare occasion. It’s all the time. I just want to be normal. ",3.9940318302387285,5.372887103448279,4.6851724137931035,85.31168435013265,71.64367816091955,7.192926613616269,27.75243147656941,7.61054688173877,1.5602065428824057,692,25,136,8,13,222,111,174,0.13,0.809,0.062,-0.8246,2,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,1,0,0,6,10,1,3,13,0,18,6,4,3,4,25,29,14,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,7,1,6,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,7,0,0,5,4,17,3,13,19,5,23,0,0,1,1,7,11,1,2,11,88,23,0,0.0,0.2443575352115345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22758804380868825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572037415023152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724356488099598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324444819840411,0.2443922523866485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334265382155455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075715161168794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731874315427975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861372601464747,0.0,0.27533006476580746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20206881436887192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24108042530203014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060166686842818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34948847426780405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943762613719008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701493108123214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24051731425186215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470035438674806,0.0,0.0,0.22714130369941635,0.0,0.12164413227755635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21017347869231146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ptsdThrowaway019,2018/12/02,"Anyone else feel drawn to their triggers? I went through some sexual trauma a few years back and I get bad flashbacks in certain conditions. Nothing too unique there, I guess. But I've had this sort of morbid desire to trigger them just to relive that moment again. I always end up as a sobbing mess after but the urge to go back there doesn't go away. Does that happen to anyone else?",3.1439428571428567,5.427508613333334,3.535238095238096,88.80000000000004,76.2,5.352380952380952,21.38095238095238,6.1826913282559595,0.3306952380952377,306,8,57,2,7,95,58,75,0.111,0.8440000000000001,0.045,-0.5868,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,1,12,9,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,1,6,1,12,7,2,13,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,3,7,38,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18095181140004027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041190688335553,0.4456458286143961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043194900079772,0.33444081185211355,0.18157771426611674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903087791472068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36333525506064174,0.0,0.19261317985238152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995897140373323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136186912768505,0.0,0.24718553760695386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395668625523085,0.0,0.19230731226073794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086675809186248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015961448509712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400430471019809 ptsd,pennybeagle,2018/12/02,"PTSD and mild delusions on Vyvanse Hi everyone. For starters, I do not have any psychotic disorders (although I have had depression and adhd since I was very young, and was diagnosed with ptsd at 14 but didn’t take the diagnosis seriously until this past summer), but my therapist has said it seems my brain concocts scenarios or conversations when something doesn’t make sense to me in my interpersonal relationships as a coping mechanism for ptsd. Vyvanse seemed to intensify this problem for me. I’m on Wellbutrin and cymbalta. Switched from vyvanse back to adderall and I haven’t had any issues related to delusions since then. Does anyone else with diagnosed PTSD experience delusions that are very difficult to distinguish from reality (more so like false memories) when under prolonged periods of intense stress in general, or while on Vyvanse specifically? Curious to hear your input and experiences on this. Thanks!",10.21453046594982,11.23559301935484,9.626021505376347,56.723476702508975,57.516129032258064,13.85663082437276,45.60931899641578,13.023866798666859,6.841845878136201,758,44,105,27,9,243,106,155,0.098,0.8220000000000001,0.08,-0.4487,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,12,3,1,1,0,19,20,18,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,6,2,10,2,24,14,1,19,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,4,12,72,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351964620709496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17373628098484667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931935400884332,0.1308855695278969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098224808406121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260100560534247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002298421779576,0.2593084941360001,0.0,0.0,0.14640205083356922,0.0,0.11178685559466388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671106680395742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206183119756556,0.0,0.2499100741178737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397319215879598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332823176877964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240771399063993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526799170122461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194307033667287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223071644522568,0.5972887478587935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714583891706889,0.0,0.0,0.12151077563273975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23258089645801505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21133705869899255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834112688749312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632668188460646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604520183311872,0.0,0.0,0.11760658788372605,0.0,0.14831694186528793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107991152030894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blaxkbush,2018/12/02,"Please help me i don’t know what to do anymore. I’m an 18 year old male that has made some pretty bad decisions in my life. Some of these stupid choices influence my life today, like doing LSD. Lemme start by saying I used to be a pretty heavy user of weed and acid. However, one day while under the influence of the LSD, i messed around with two lighters and accidentally burned my eyes pretty bad. Oh this didn’t happen not once, but twice. Twice I burned my eyes pretty bad while tripping. The first time I did it, I was pretty worried that my eyelashes wouldn’t grow back because they were singed pretty bad. The second time was even worse. Then for some odd fucking reason, I couldn’t do anything without burning myself. It being lighting a cig, smoking a blunt, etc. Every single time I would smoke, I would get smoke in my eyes that would further fuck up the look of my eyelashes. At one point, I had nice, long eyelashes, but ever since all that stuff happened to me, they just look singed and much shorter than they used to be. I’m now terrified of pretty much anything hot. Lighters, heaters, ovens, smoke, FUCKING VAPE SMOKE. It seems like just about everything will trigger me into hours of compulsions that involve me sitting in front of a mirror to make sure I didn’t hurt myself again. I tried smoking weed for the first time in months yesterday, but I was too afraid of the flame, so my friend had to light the bong for my while I covered my eyes. How crazy does that sound? Going through this everyday is killing me. Looking at myself and seeing WHAT I DID, is killing me. I can’t even talk to anyone about this because everyone just thinks it’s crazy, and I think they’re right. I got on medication a little while back, but it hasn’t been helping very well. At this point, I’m just lost and don’t know what to do.. ",5.355575447570331,6.042999086834732,5.073002070393375,86.33757763975157,67.93557422969188,7.889367921081478,28.126781147241502,7.7425588080867325,1.511831421264158,1442,45,290,15,23,442,186,357,0.161,0.716,0.12300000000000001,-0.9598,1,0,4,0,0,2,47.0,0,0,3,3,18,20,6,1,14,0,31,10,4,9,3,45,57,17,2,5,10,0,1,2,1,5,3,2,1,1,20,9,0,0,7,2,0,4,10,14,1,8,14,14,40,6,38,34,8,48,0,2,8,3,10,17,3,4,28,190,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847730018401272,0.055330666099067255,0.0,0.13023715571765965,0.07044391548624353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216946570398582,0.2642863775066727,0.09647579778690413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051033346192359635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924861078328677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882526698008085,0.10453137266806847,0.07157907741787148,0.06667179974823681,0.07561365059541894,0.07111839439768708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13461862499632485,0.0,0.0,0.061136890547738625,0.219467712797262,0.04134300353979502,0.0,0.04497232119743929,0.0,0.06328878245777729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399516541191504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608050892012877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792870231846483,0.0,0.08471203201123655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750948184775751,0.0,0.0869773338222223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178600174761934,0.07731942137602797,0.0793106682693348,0.0,0.07002899040049299,0.19935188394512265,0.0,0.08638150701597254,0.0,0.0,0.07487624877427837,0.052820968424059415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971677846980005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316210126276589,0.0,0.11634168613095608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830353200568478,0.08427258890535763,0.10724326245021652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868627520452034,0.14960991022188866,0.0,0.0,0.5635371155654781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136048102668486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757796805057187,0.0,0.06292863748369666,0.0,0.0,0.06305765307781085,0.07203845160851728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545849082201823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056009765386705185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058676872177658,0.0,0.0,0.07458061198688927,0.0,0.0,0.06360299582199187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014086892081598,0.0,0.0,0.18456912756466845,0.0,0.07500751974433839,0.0,0.0,0.05372517321003733,0.0,0.07730009096384187,0.0,0.0,0.13668861911729274,0.0,0.0652918708756344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114882648213887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628005440570729,0.0,0.0,0.08036199760946362,0.08064187752996876,0.16863848971259815,0.0,0.0,0.050958166539280786 ptsd,anonrecov23,2018/12/02,"Sex after abuse Hoping to generate conversation and advice. I was sexually abused as a child by a family member for a short period of time. I was sexually harassed later by coworkers and an instructor, have other abusers in the family, and have witnessed abuse in my family home. I've been in therapy for about one year now working on current mental health- PTSD, depression, anxiety. I have a number of struggles today. I do well professionally and nobody would ever know or guess how much I struggle outside of work. I keep my home life and mental health private from others. The struggle I am coming here for today is sexual. I've been with my partner for a number of years. He has shown himself to be nothing but supportive. He has been caring and patient over the years with me as I have struggled with this. I know that I want to be a sexual person. I am interested in having an active sex life. I want to be adventurous. Or so I think in my head. When it comes to sex itself, I shut down. I have tried to be playful in asking what he wants and having him tell me want he wants. We have slowly tried new things. Years of slowly adding new things. Today he told me, and I listened, I acted for a few seconds and then I got overwhelmed and shut down. He knew something was wrong and told me it was ok. I did what I do at times which is to say that I understand if I can't fulfill his needs and that is fair he leaves and has a relationship elsewhere because it is fair. The issue is, I recently started talking about the abuse in therapy. I said yes to the family doing what they did (and I know I couldn't consent, but I'm not there yet). I knew that telling him to tell me what to do would make me feel like I felt when the abuse happened. I knew it could trigger and retraumatize me. I tried to convince myself it wouldn't. And then like a dummy it all hurt me again. The other problem is that I know he is feeling sexually frustrated. He has told me so much after I learned he has been talking to a coworker about it. I was horrified to learn about this because I'm such a private person. I'm trying to make changes. I'm trying to go to therapy. I want to get better. I know pushing myself won't help matters. But I can't expect this person to continue to be a saint for another decade. It just isn't fair. ",2.51762417898194,4.520885234913795,4.307795566502462,83.8548563218391,77.03879310344827,7.177668308702793,25.05623973727422,8.11559375814309,1.6076360426929397,1815,65,357,32,42,613,205,464,0.141,0.7340000000000001,0.125,-0.9088,1,0,1,0,6,0,49.0,1,0,1,3,19,23,2,5,22,2,51,8,1,4,2,69,95,31,0,16,8,0,3,2,1,4,4,3,2,5,27,22,0,1,15,1,0,5,7,11,1,2,20,6,57,12,56,64,4,47,1,3,0,3,36,15,0,5,29,258,84,5,0.0,0.464182689654097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380542240797736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846739777314036,0.049950421206950285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104191908021112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960633226343987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774803456594167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657250412876611,0.0,0.06907334837846987,0.11249155270245452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213266604492266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562384032990275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059062976940845224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24621688952462226,0.0,0.06603012855076337,0.04664669093910991,0.06269334539866311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03411389127692961,0.0,0.037108597451654984,0.0,0.05222229782448383,0.0,0.07192969581695692,0.0,0.05774006607976149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701140689344387,0.13881085471110402,0.0,0.0,0.04376579636285149,0.0,0.13099222078356226,0.06485257045825266,0.0,0.0,0.06989954290808724,0.0,0.0,0.06815091339929355,0.0,0.05803710889739895,0.0,0.0,0.17942185227982202,0.0,0.0,0.06913787323579447,0.0,0.0,0.0922394403742408,0.06379958175699596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716970803662266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160380711081254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959985315973921,0.048415342384423916,0.0,0.12612444619959085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265221935299871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04424551534927079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17103896930102927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624784028159802,0.07632624611771993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447083835633086,0.07010228866846221,0.0,0.0,0.06211040405597689,0.051925126708749735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05026720547619115,0.0,0.0,0.04621606761127617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730416338909406,0.0,0.0,0.07409588085715006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049631375848121,0.17121186665871424,0.0,0.22401123237028805,0.0,0.08675806290292364,0.04183833662270321,0.0,0.0,0.0761479647306978,0.0,0.18567579670747825,0.18717623065152766,0.0,0.22165476148307345,0.0,0.0,0.06797429559017218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23107574911636905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058707958379379276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507093243293536,0.0,0.0,0.09276724976570984,0.07138972502429086,0.0,0.16819110409522187 ptsd,PopsicleJohnson,2018/12/02,"Dreading Tomorrow I’m on 4 different medications, each of them have helped me manage my PTSD / Night-terrors. I use a CPAP for my sleep apnea. I go to Behavioral Health monthly at minimum to check in. I thrive at work, I command my soldiers without hesitation. I don’t blame myself anymore and I use my experiences as tools now. The past 3 years have gone by without any major episodes or incidents. Tomorrow marks 7 years removed from the worst day of my life, and I’m dreading it more and more with each passing minute. Why is it so hard right now, when I thought I was on my way to getting over it. ",3.3499152542372883,5.2610326355932235,4.5120000000000005,83.73088135593221,74.33898305084746,7.770847457627119,31.29152542372881,8.548686976883017,2.5246549152542377,473,23,93,9,10,155,84,118,0.113,0.852,0.034,-0.8725,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,2,3,0,5,4,1,2,0,12,13,7,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,4,3,3,0,0,3,1,17,0,18,10,6,22,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,10,59,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363019749723417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877664323203492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292633312464815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094108418320426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606288608607594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471847840714524,0.0,0.11391124599111785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954947077236647,0.0,0.0,0.21305194083168846,0.0,0.0,0.134346667291345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157244283136589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20191614130893226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998448518304398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18809370610958634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133690702783476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342965887735657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711695179884758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20057872425153225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591221860550429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462211978807694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159095158518948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18086048533267096,0.0,0.0,0.3864223953874604,0.0,0.14591831967082408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581458145523911 ptsd,BeautifulBlueEyedEm,2018/12/02,"Fear of Being Alone *trigger warning abuse* I spent the most of 26 years of life being abused. The first was my mother, who physically, mentally and emotionally abused me. Then my very first boyfriend, sexually, physically, mentally and emotionally abused me...I stayed for 7 long years with him. After that I seem to attract men that use me for money or use me for sex. I haven't had a serious relationship in over 4 years. I am now starting to worry that I will never meet that special someone because I am such damaged goods. Does anyone else feel this way?",3.3147727272727288,6.059138903846158,4.435734265734265,80.10017482517483,78.23076923076924,7.243356643356643,26.762237762237763,8.296473431620573,2.1411846153846152,442,18,79,9,11,144,73,104,0.23,0.737,0.033,-0.9676,0,1,0,0,4,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,3,0,8,2,0,3,1,11,14,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,3,0,2,3,1,12,3,12,8,1,15,0,1,0,1,6,2,0,3,11,51,18,0,0.0,0.6309447405744799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788157268013695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308694505594993,0.1364064704056611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115424881872038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650215118760958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11121225990347287,0.2995045827044295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498072221220718,0.0673140606981808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264790473713756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166235233656564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403300318194056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781504256722165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683255917988516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267735024023997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429308050152419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119571043643733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279983372508952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422944491240752,0.14189788118910684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22996155431715634,0.0,0.10984542976436017,0.0,0.1056716635529375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519903849819415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571922796104171 ptsd,Drunken_Fever,2018/12/02,"Combat PTSD and Cannabis ? So I am looking for some experiences on this topic. I have been looking into this, with surprisingly the VA's help. I am looking for experiences with Cannabis and Combat PTSD. Please if possible real experiences only. Cannabis can be great, but I know it is not an insta-cure. I want the negatives as well as the positives.",3.6004910714285714,6.503690031250002,5.122589285714287,74.62062500000002,78.375,8.657142857142857,29.455357142857146,9.23628265651192,3.305560714285714,278,13,47,8,7,93,44,64,0.07,0.71,0.22,0.8798,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,12,12,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,5,3,8,10,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,2,0,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5556051870093928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20873773661978948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269043599472572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405118707470327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769702463509822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399450923966484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782822525584968,0.0,0.21344188762041424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44263485258857016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21549975691485707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167213698806938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17023101373905702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PsychoanalyticalRein,2018/12/02,"Medications for anxiety My PTSD-induced anxiety has been horrible lately and really debilitating. Does anyone have recommendations for medications that help with anxiety? I have vistaril, clonidine, and Ativan for as needed but all 3 make me pretty drowsy and I need something I can take that won’t make me non-functional :/ any advice welcomed!! ",5.943533834586468,9.655459543859656,7.2523809523809515,57.57000000000005,76.3684210526316,10.976441102756894,32.70426065162907,10.290406445055957,5.341047117794485,282,14,36,11,7,95,44,57,0.16,0.691,0.149,0.5321,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,1,10,11,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,5,9,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20991028435262274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460784712841171,0.0,0.4929882158936995,0.0,0.0,0.15020046032681827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798207124453334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398291575758826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423155426247272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28677528508321354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4327978557314642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185584517241088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21853945208413375,0.0,0.0,0.2511019192647133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761307397685105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537157810273773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151072393658727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FluffyOmens,2018/12/07,"called the police, emotions don't seem to be moving forward after Hey, all. I'm just having a hard moving past the emotional whirlpool that calling the police made for me. The call was for a potential abuse situation, and I did fear someone was in danger, so I know I did the right thing by calling them... but I also cannot seem to process why I'm still thinking about it constantly, and re-feeling the feelings of calling. I'm trying to think through and process but I just don't have a vocabulary to describe whats happening. My PTSD is from childhood abuse, so calling the police itself about this specific situation was hard for me because I have trouble talking about domestic violence. I tried to convince my partner to do it, but he has phone anxiety and refused (I'm trying not to be angry on that front, but I am). Talking to them even in the vaguest terms made me so upset, and I know they had to ask certain questions and that i was all for safety int he long run, but I spent the whole night crying from the dredged up feelings and simmering and my partner while I was cleaning because my anxiety had me so amped up. The anxiety and the crying and the anger at my partner has not resolved and I can't stop thinking about the call and the situation I reported. I know in my head why I'm having trouble in the simplest terms (""of course, its the PTSD""), but I can't put it together in any way that helps me understand and process my feelings and it's making all of the emotional feelings 5x worse. &#x200B;",8.286738816738819,6.6604705286195305,8.218251563251561,73.92674242424243,62.56902356902357,11.044636844636846,41.079605579605584,9.784248007369934,3.9981565175565184,1205,59,226,19,14,391,138,297,0.187,0.746,0.067,-0.9902,0,0,0,0,3,0,35.0,0,0,3,1,13,9,2,2,21,0,25,1,1,3,4,48,49,26,0,0,10,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,13,14,0,2,15,0,1,6,7,6,0,0,12,6,31,3,34,35,6,28,0,0,0,0,23,11,0,3,12,160,44,1,0.0,0.18662885592612127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298212087857062,0.0,0.17066683128271354,0.0956986434651652,0.05355761072428617,0.0,0.18074717462740794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362736983986186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601934138822532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.562939494893619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510857647900384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302221740191176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2657738183087039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05201840144491412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862376901234269,0.19911008568522964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964475009782012,0.0,0.1411020003683633,0.0,0.08082762981861343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052789304853103625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298487263265822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969766190677143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904397284814275,0.05257105632615866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741292322098614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390831639489957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518267865058546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412595265929346,0.07917275961711501,0.08822611153521978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725823609049493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339523148294325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655792473376773,0.0,0.0,0.06673073745761772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628956181249339,0.06584456295630697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266041413336662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523227978428219,0.15139334069542915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604129491312596,0.0,0.0,0.08198904419183259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251381588421917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421322834216926,0.08792962424386305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026033623314184,0.0,0.0,0.0956986434651652,0.0 ptsd,FSDHandler,2018/12/07,How Do You Get Diagnosed? I’m sure this has already been asked before but I think getting an official diagnosis is important for me and my future. My therapist knows I have ptsd but I’m not sure if therapists can diagnose you or if you need a doctor? ,2.41,4.759871999999998,4.829999999999998,78.245,79.0,9.6,28.0,9.888512548439397,3.3554000000000004,200,9,38,7,5,70,40,50,0.0,0.8540000000000001,0.146,0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,1,2,13,14,7,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,8,2,1,13,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,26,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428386050650939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572378730201127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872524790884782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44670687520349134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252378806906823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22994162106460214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093768849974805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631696340634255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572351043100343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4148026353176866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5110067671414741,0.0,0.1410037756697799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KatyMacAndTheFever,2018/12/07,"Just diagnosed Yesterday was the day I was diagnosed with PTSD. It had been mentioned before by previous doctors but then never brought up again so I thought it was a mistake. Something people just lump into anxiety and depression, like a giant pot of sad soup. But then she said it, my new psychologist, within 10 minutes of meeting me. I actually laughed. Because I thought this didn’t happen to people outside the military (I know, naïve). Because being assaulted 15 months ago shouldn't have affected me as much as it did and does. Because this should be something that I am strong enough to just get through. But there it was, those four letters that perfectly sum up why I no longer find enjoyment in anything. Why over the past year I can’t trust anyone and I’ve put everyone I know at arm’s length. Why every action and interaction takes effort. Why I can’t sleep without pills, avoid mirrors and crowds, and have so much self-loathing and stress that I looked like I’ve aged five years in one. It sums up why a two-day panic attack caused me to finally reach out to a professional because I know I needed help to stop my body from sweating and shaking. Which led me to this diagnosis. I haven’t told anyone; not my boyfriend who loves me but has no idea what to do with this type of messy, not my friends who think I’m uncaring and antisocial, not my family who view me as simply a sad woman. I can’t bear to be defined by something that happened that destroyed the person I used to be. But here I am. And I’m terrified. ",4.893751803751805,6.141304531986535,5.380933140933144,81.67393939393943,69.33670033670036,8.62010582010582,31.31457431457432,8.976282227363876,2.584837229437229,1214,51,233,22,21,389,173,297,0.183,0.688,0.129,-0.9606,0,1,3,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,3,8,20,3,4,9,0,24,10,4,4,2,46,43,22,0,4,12,0,0,2,1,2,5,1,0,2,21,14,0,2,8,0,0,5,13,11,0,3,13,3,29,9,32,24,3,31,0,3,2,1,16,11,0,0,17,152,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.10165364399721376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233928491353244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968878551753916,0.0,0.0,0.14567438184202378,0.0,0.08572198063757487,0.0,0.0,0.11850695704654647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540011389011682,0.0,0.08863990815311806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570796453055268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700996981949996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436041320361605,0.0,0.08972036571578475,0.21145811570641165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066210987123508,0.0911587486694314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763413359778563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776663918368516,0.0995376758124019,0.0,0.0,0.09820099823999663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411174080388285,0.09520832271319693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048049450859067,0.0,0.05442385668526921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842321097768208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06982209709331308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759380518351635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17174521244874147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017831494488886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747548906168615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401633662943673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831464783093569,0.0,0.15315198970532076,0.07723978580772692,0.08034133850044033,0.10060679869020916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058742043781653,0.0,0.0,0.12221954826984804,0.0,0.0,0.0994408299765271,0.14443494847567384,0.09095610814638586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176765899598802,0.10471833498308958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908830691773517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867069309529703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042439491943064,0.0,0.0,0.24058250915415064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708971411150791,0.1193249165708478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832191332545198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674710949330871,0.0,0.16539665550975954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995376758124019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175770292850043,0.0,0.0,0.08996832813787109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4699803360159353,0.0,0.0,0.10041492860877264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416248047911658 ptsd,Idk193,2018/12/07,Anyone want to talk? Not sure if I'm ok Anyone want to chat? I'm not inn a good place rn and can't really trust myself to be alone,-2.20951612903226,-0.4615836451612907,1.1357258064516138,100.72358870967743,95.12903225806451,4.390322580645162,7.75,5.985473137389443,-1.803070967741936,101,0,27,1,4,36,24,31,0.28,0.581,0.139,-0.7047,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36257347661166656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4895629871352208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29362739709407004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657552309214928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242678465111813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299427764099325,0.0,0.0,0.2813780749504497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4129681521226755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,greenteam65,2018/12/07,"Will this go away? About a year and a half ago I had a traumatic experience involving a law enforcement no knock raid on my apt in college. I was a college student never seen a gun before. But there was about 10 police units and one army truck at 645am .They bust in my apt w big long guns w red scope and point at my face they roughed me up and pushed me against wall w gun to my head nothing was in my apt and charged they had against me were dropped i had guns pointed at me as I walked outside I went thru hell w this situation for about almost a year until I got it resolved and it ruined a lot of aspects from my life at the time. After it happened I was having nightmares of police and swat teams coming in my house it would be dreams where the doorbell would ring and I would look outside and see police cars surrounding my house and dream would end.. I wake up sweating and in extreme fear.. I’m reminded of this when I see police officers in public now and everything comes back.. A level of anxiety and overall fear has been added to my life after this experience and I thought it would go away after awhile but it hasn’t.. i was wondering to you all if this sounds like PTSD? And should I talk to someone Thanks ",3.4235335314091664,4.811687512096778,4.107784380305607,88.85996604414262,73.07258064516128,7.1565365025466905,26.762308998302213,7.669130373188453,1.331996774193548,965,34,204,12,19,307,139,248,0.057999999999999996,0.877,0.065,0.3707,0,0,0,4,0,0,14.0,0,1,3,2,9,7,1,2,11,0,21,6,4,0,2,34,36,21,0,7,3,0,1,1,0,7,2,2,0,0,11,17,0,0,3,3,0,8,3,4,0,2,14,8,30,3,36,14,2,45,1,1,5,0,8,22,1,4,15,138,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044188785993643,0.0,0.124759306192744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531132845639777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23411359722982486,0.0958023406383116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601726887238497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21464722557138244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110350129611609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197383371573118,0.2437466709081844,0.0,0.2803977160293093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161521103564992,0.0,0.09964633851785486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017489483064682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786571280919734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28752122819574794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760037930755288,0.06086858474154105,0.0,0.0,0.11025859895735156,0.10462457189797893,0.0,0.0,0.10592231766065666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609181082019043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954786592360205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442569140117989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355564316558313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456395309146587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198564864126592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400448495329671,0.0,0.0,0.105565056533883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10014105827768352,0.0,0.11470611728924622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891087470150198,0.07264967444082193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549656534695495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511299323192305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425272899994077,0.0,0.0,0.1604642881733431 ptsd,teenytinybuggy,2018/12/07,"Feeling pathetic I’m not one to make posts like this but I feel really desperate for.. recognition I guess? Acknowledgement? I don’t know. But anyways.. A little background first! I’m a 21 year old woman and I have PTSD, depression, severe anxiety disorder basically because 1. When I was around 10 I started getting sexually assaulted pretty much everywhere I went and slut shamed by my own family and friends constantly just bc of the way I look then when I was like 13 I was raped 2. My parents separated when I was 15 and my mom (who also has PTSD) basically just fell apart and and it was just a really hard time in my life. I left my mothers house when I was 18 and started living with my boyfriend and his parents and that’s when the PTSD set in. I would get bad panic attacks constantly throughout the day, even waking up in them. I couldn’t get a job bc I was just freaking out all the time and couldn’t even leave my home alone. If I even thought about it the anxiety attack would immediately start and it was like that for a couple years. It suddenly got a lot better and I thought I was really making strides so I decided to move to a whole different state with my boyfriend. Start fresh ya know... Well that didn’t work out so good because I guess I wasn’t as mentally healthy as I thought I was. I’ve been struggling this last year so much with my depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, etc. I have a job sorta.. meaning I cam on the side when I feel able but it doesn’t make that much money so my mother helps me so I can pay my bills and rent and such. So this is another thing (side note I guess) but my parents still haven’t gotten a divorce. All my moms money comes from spousal support that’s not court regulated. We split it and that’s how we’ve been living. Now my dad wants to get a divorce suddenly and stop paying her. I really don’t think he’s even thought about how it would affect me or even gives a shit and I feel like I’ve got the rug taken from under me. I feel naive that I didn’t prepare for this to happen and I’m still such a mentally ill mess that I couldn’t get my shit together by now. I just feel.. hopeless and stupid. My grandma is in a home now bc she’s old and my mom is taking care of her property so my mom offered for me and my boyfriend to stay in my grandmas house since we really don’t have a lot of money now. I know it’s probably the best decision but I just really wanted this move to work and I wanted to be normal. This now feels like just another failure and I’m so tired. I have suicidal thoughts constantly but I really don’t want to hurt myself it’s just that I don’t feel like the world is habitable for me. I don’t think I’m ever going to get better idk. I guess I’m just hoping someone will relate to me even a little bit bc other than my mother I don’t know anyone that deals with any of this and it’s so hard that no one understands sometimes.",1.130484615384617,3.396139643333335,3.055,89.60076923076927,83.4,6.6923076923076925,22.06410256410256,7.882392219407189,1.119067948717949,2286,77,489,45,65,765,247,600,0.213,0.677,0.109,-0.9972,7,1,0,0,2,3,49.0,2,1,1,6,48,33,7,3,24,0,42,8,3,6,3,106,104,53,1,13,19,11,10,6,1,4,3,0,4,1,31,34,0,1,24,0,7,6,18,18,1,3,25,11,80,15,44,71,12,64,0,4,1,2,29,18,2,10,41,316,111,6,0.05498596009955722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694887176522545,0.0,0.043972252425735686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03739233841661397,0.11531514695713238,0.12619232691891033,0.0,0.0,0.03844746178886283,0.0,0.0,0.04894916218911899,0.0,0.1251089352883629,0.0,0.0,0.045910979918042535,0.06703786183092025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770437276033241,0.09726122664281432,0.060030427189908524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606185094363678,0.0,0.0,0.04736553583612474,0.0,0.17826086624227014,0.0,0.0,0.06084091900048413,0.0,0.035461395389231216,0.056688110437237725,0.09471865372406403,0.0,0.0,0.057448625139002486,0.06301867403426936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061323880393135424,0.2179062483649023,0.04973794891567483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051835869556733374,0.0,0.2224204285566316,0.11784594264551401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04677102957109263,0.0,0.0,0.04248201637434643,0.0,0.1723673681412506,0.052747543302468544,0.03124978827652612,0.04611961454030162,0.08795459070933051,0.0,0.2422929368864715,0.0,0.04862390292211655,0.0,0.09851323981191938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03685593000043901,0.0,0.11031080252201016,0.05461346521245315,0.0,0.12689283079713826,0.05886360753325265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913016185196156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087538265451793,0.04482089635947181,0.0,0.058222192399554624,0.05974240653491681,0.0,0.03883820974634716,0.16118017593910364,0.1102207546995654,0.0971072203147949,0.0,0.046174357915703984,0.0,0.0,0.09349419392020533,0.0,0.0,0.11011066601829628,0.0,0.0,0.05989583023498321,0.0,0.0,0.11082582988903177,0.0,0.0,0.2575955676243613,0.0,0.11688274730215124,0.12126302231649473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387456627281029,0.0,0.0,0.11539703098081695,0.0,0.07451981922258469,0.0,0.0,0.06451417678988901,0.1831662046226904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052661350252127016,0.055940489230734566,0.05928416500339188,0.0,0.1928269345852948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465778982502742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211848378121122,0.11288459574543346,0.04548495440358706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04658942555616994,0.0,0.05438252052582124,0.0,0.15567738227860026,0.0586077173513395,0.08782371752753326,0.045970724751539765,0.0,0.057483264227951275,0.0,0.06014571576645844,0.062397415907870075,0.0,0.0,0.04134259890769972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0365302286152152,0.07046556599207683,0.0,0.21826355163851946,0.0641255110388592,0.06319827237294644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724232364767394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972857561528328,0.04364529574125763,0.0,0.0,0.049438981677839965,0.05097253589305067,0.0,0.06138986078931461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800608676642035,0.0,0.0,0.11718134529137643,0.0,0.0,0.10622746655579487 ptsd,Sextional,2018/12/07,"Coming to terms with PTSD in a relationship TW: Rape, Abuse TW: rape and abuse So I've recently started to come to terms with the idea of having PTSD. I've been having a hard time the last few years financially and mental health wise. Things just sort of exploded my second semester of my first year of uni. So I'm finally seeing a psychiatrist and getting help to get to a mental space that is healthy enough to deal with the trauma. However, I'm having a ""It gets worse before it gets better"" reaction to addressing and identifying my trauma. I guess because my trauma is based around my experiences of emotional, physical, and psycho-sexual abuse from my father and an incident of rape a couple of years ago, it's being triggered around men and my boyfriend in particular. My boyfriend has been wonderful and patient and does his best when it comes to my depression and anxiety. But he has trouble remembering or knowing how to react when it comes to PTSD related things. I guess I need advise on how to talk to my boyfriend about it and how to approach it. He wants to be supportive but I still don't know all the triggers or how to deal with my responses to them like I do my anxiety and depression so I'm having trouble letting him in or guiding him. 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First and foremost, i have a kid now. Im not gonna do anything. But during my younger years: i thought about murdering the guy who caused my ptsd. There is no proof of anything and there never was so it was pointless ever going through with anything legally. But i really wanted to kill the guy. I even planned it out. I was seconds away from doing it and my former best friend stopped me. I hated her for YEARS. But she flat out told me she would rat me out if i didnt go the legal route. Hence, why she is my FORMER best friend. But its been about 15 years or so......and by gones be by gones, i guess. I have a kid now and wouldnt want to embarrass him but ive got no quality of life. Im a fucking vegetable. I disassociate all the damn time. I hate getting out of bed. Im miserable. I sleep 15 hours a day when im on my meds and not at all when i skip them. I just lay in bed thinking.....im a horrible mom cause i cant function. I did fine til he was about 3 and then started getting repressed memories like crrrrraaaaZZZZY. and now all i do is disassociate. Help. ",0.29183742022170023,2.4593063144104828,2.1698908296943245,95.19300890157879,86.29257641921399,5.095129324823648,21.90812898891501,6.490185161304077,0.3013142761168965,842,30,193,9,26,278,131,229,0.175,0.743,0.081,-0.9673,0,0,0,0,2,0,40.0,0,0,1,4,14,17,8,3,10,0,20,4,1,2,6,38,37,19,3,5,10,1,0,1,2,3,1,0,2,4,5,12,1,2,1,0,0,4,8,11,0,2,12,0,32,6,24,21,5,32,0,1,0,1,18,8,2,3,21,128,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677345528227103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189204979965737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22762250896737415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228154024137356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994107555337363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162999468933302,0.09809894971130934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224724738085888,0.0,0.0,0.1675759165303525,0.10025998703162617,0.11332096951985104,0.0,0.1232689113829497,0.0,0.08673712084008182,0.0,0.11946955568739162,0.2147644788499081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414322473440664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269153840272605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680109503476196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5857213538774552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399670184664033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660122035276534,0.05298303850016328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046315274565793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701496133807524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364308343712702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267718792273947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947564576721839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852800691423896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676124583076549,0.0,0.0,0.09066879342450178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860969366159412,0.06323788394730702,0.0,0.0,0.10362832233705943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793286909538013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785897320835506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703954525300476,0.0,0.0,0.2095141260706997 ptsd,jaealexray,2018/12/07,My memory problems are making everything hard My biggest symptom from my ptsd is the short term memory loss. Lately it's been even worse then usual and I don't know how to fix it. I'm not getting important things done on time. I tried writing things down but I keep forgetting where I put my notebook or lose my pen. Its getting to be too much. ,1.5859782608695667,4.11776026086957,2.9940398550724647,88.95888586956522,84.07246376811594,6.348550724637683,23.11775362318841,7.645422480735847,1.2898536231884057,274,10,54,5,8,89,56,69,0.172,0.828,0.0,-0.8223,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,0,11,12,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,9,0,5,9,2,11,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,1,5,36,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413492324879735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15577205174807535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196044650699694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24643642659402626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21126896917827734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096280604639753,0.0,0.0,0.12961312378521536,0.0,0.26604113310901883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638479475664673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742700811675994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337171310279426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22566986281750984,0.2756878011349517,0.2370873165177007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451311396009764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133671680321508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375219274188448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601218896842195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25974770239170897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24034412634279945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HumansAreVariables,2018/12/07,"I cant tell if this happened. I'm feeling suicidal over it I have ptsd from beibg sexually/mentally abused and itsfucked my relationships with everyone up. I startes gabapentin and finally I feel some weight taken off my shoulsders. Ive always had this burning memory of my brother grabbibg my balls in the pool ahovibg hia toubge in my throat. He qas older. I had to be like 5. Im telibg my doctor today. I do not know if it happened but my whole life we never spoke and we lived in the same home. How could I make this up and get the physical disgust of the encounter I had later. Im in denial I wanna puke or drink. God dammit just why...why!!!!!!",1.3085641025641015,3.761927600000005,2.94846153846154,89.35987179487181,84.53846153846153,5.9282051282051285,24.051282051282055,7.3011,1.1693743589743593,508,20,103,8,15,167,91,130,0.124,0.8320000000000001,0.044000000000000004,-0.9241,0,0,1,0,1,0,20.0,2,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,4,0,9,5,1,2,1,23,20,9,1,4,6,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,5,7,2,0,3,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,5,4,19,1,14,13,3,14,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,4,7,65,24,1,0.0,0.2191394046721696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389595344428408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767015214941304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930752929104347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811838115883284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673079443924256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703588113323,0.0,0.0,0.2026072885720568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966304602747888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271071667721072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855232298769235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995625823376761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016454911485244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063797833112584,0.0903588350632806,0.0,0.16331714342823414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345775715264475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426473791316496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21620049831107715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985706164494555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091089049663884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023088799490212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616573274645825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531409274580406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252232803162031,0.0,0.0,0.16689157643475847,0.206493743041274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,notmyaccount2018,2018/12/07,"Its been so many years and I feel so stupid (NSFW and TW for s-x) When I was 17 I got into an LDR I didnt really want but I was very lonely like....this was my only friend. He groomed me from a teenager mental health fourn and he was 18. He visited me on his way to a Europe vacation and gave me my first kiss, I wanted to wait to kiss and he just forced it. He wanted a BJ so bad but I said no and he was so mad. We saw a play and he was just grumpy and mean. I went to visit him in his state and I loved his family but he would demand BJs. He asked if he needed to get condoms but I said I didnt want to have sex. I was on my period too so I think its why he didnt do more to me. I always wanted to go to Sedona and Lowell Observatory and he took me there on our trip but he locked me in the hotel room, we never went to the observatory or even Lowell. He made me grind/ride him topless and him naked (no penetration) and blow him. He wouldn't cuddle me or let me on the porch. I cried a lot. We went on a fun jeep trip and drove back home. He kept wanting the blowjobs and I remember we watched a movie and I cried on the floor please one night just nothing and he cupped my crying face and tilted me up and said ""but think about how id feel"" and pushed me down. He grinded into me and I felt himself kinda push in trough my underwear and I felt scared. I went home and we broke up a few months later after he moved to Germany and I just set my relationship as with someone else to get him to leave me cause I kept trying but hed make me feel bad ( I was 18 and dumb...) I only told my twin but never my mom. She would NEVER understand. I had another abusive bf this year (23 years old) and he was VERY misogynist. Like an incel. He hid it and it came out later on. He knew of my PTSD and all his rape jokes made me freak out and cry. He said the last time we fooled around he would cover my mouth and ignore me saying no and I freaked out idk why hed say that and I left a few weeks later. I now am seeing a new guy, but hes 100% diff than anyone. We were bffs. Hes sensitive, kind, funny, sweet, very dorky and very loving in his heart. He feels like the boy me. He is very sexually intelligent and patient. After my trauma at 18 I decided I want to wait till marriage so I never ever have to have sex with someone who I wouldn't regret. After my incel ex I feel it even more the way he changed and warped. My current bf knows this he knows everything and he is fine with it. His last ex they never had sex for their whole 5 years and he said he has dated many virgins and waited till they were ready. All his close friends say he truly is a great man. Hes a unicorn haha. I really want to fool around with him more but I am very scared Ill freak out. I cant masturbate without him and I feel like a WHORE doing it alone cause of my past. I just want to be normal. I want to just have happy sexual experiences with my bf. I know he can give me them the way he is but Im scared ill make them bad. I just want to be normal. Therapy is so slow and its such few and far between where I make milestones in anything at all!! How does this go away?! I manage my OCD, my anxiety is improving but PTSD never goes away. I hate it. I want to cry. I was only 18 why did me make me do all that stuff. I didnt want too. I feel like a disguting slut I want to punch my legs till they are black and blue. I hate myself for what I let happen to me and the fear it makes me have. My partner gets concerned to trigger me, hes very slow and patient when we discuss sex. Being a virgin I ask him questions and he never laughs at me like other people do he just explains stuff kindly and sweetly. No pressure no meanness. I feel like a dirty mean bad person. I want to talk to him but hes also stressed at work today and I feel so mean. My therapist is on vacation cause of Jewish holidays :( idk.. Idk....i just want it to go away already its been TOO MANY YEARS!!",-0.5095433255269342,1.5206739496487105,1.8757288056206107,96.82521381733022,88.77751756440281,4.774313817330211,15.917049180327867,6.205508019102798,-0.6016201967213117,3019,63,723,29,100,1023,342,854,0.2,0.6709999999999999,0.128,-0.9964,4,3,0,0,0,0,94.0,9,0,6,2,38,52,6,6,28,1,60,22,4,13,12,180,143,80,0,26,26,3,11,6,6,5,3,8,4,5,23,70,0,6,26,4,0,17,20,28,0,2,44,26,140,24,80,87,12,101,1,3,5,15,113,37,1,6,48,446,163,2,0.0,0.05280422406468088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615763625551978,0.04918043574679627,0.035639955101663116,0.037083045016374966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04673204615836917,0.03409338554398689,0.0,0.0,0.031162056440984194,0.0,0.03667457743885152,0.07934758155182399,0.08332765295107908,0.0,0.12561557887262306,0.0342690232976086,0.14884525333023282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05097240522664962,0.0,0.13734675968817334,0.04714563441466273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447720072686713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039000598941369084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037229739551109184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887173902991951,0.04031311039154272,0.0,0.0,0.04005365516917676,0.043594761299217855,0.04201349627876686,0.05014990134469635,0.20280825648956266,0.12735377040760468,0.08558199687099127,0.0,0.0,0.037908392270501495,0.0,0.0,0.06886420743476357,0.0,0.06985274716050924,0.04275241706569361,0.0759848078962652,0.0,0.03564404244653894,0.049134918183862585,0.0,0.04412801650546299,0.0394101648519968,0.04744205585636526,0.0,0.08800073276751755,0.0,0.04737229309587399,0.0,0.05281172624173478,0.0,0.0,0.08940802056371104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04813965830833675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281867095550707,0.07347803966795473,0.07265557917760658,0.0,0.047189675501500106,0.04842182442588661,0.09114489242755262,0.0,0.15241118894294756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03788899464736202,0.08044633109473508,0.0843401337773727,0.14874301317382216,0.1355508448868181,0.0,0.19418470354293416,0.0,0.0,0.04491272772551818,0.0,0.0,0.05219595289111496,0.03557269599750309,0.04736732412153675,0.0,0.033045625928107634,0.2406079785980453,0.04304277388361805,0.0,0.04182280687295766,0.08733176115221067,0.042762928078992984,0.0,0.04676523007284559,0.0,0.030199533396230563,0.10168489720625264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04254393555110213,0.03089692202250477,0.03891390290962311,0.0,0.04892082768361023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419211983159717,0.0,0.04992487725162356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710110833153404,0.0,0.0,0.047847931956121095,0.05048535672878822,0.0,0.2119655751249784,0.10632362980287237,0.13385705371117515,0.0,0.035513871109530484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552240076118377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105097736441965,0.0,0.1020363642346236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03582100642113912,0.0,0.0,0.05096587861085733,0.05174534640166199,0.0,0.05711305356513994,0.0,0.0,0.02598718746732369,0.0,0.042243998284537405,0.04258536926601403,0.049515217420679915,0.030257847915209864,0.0,0.0,0.04639548197271669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574052286312145,0.4205852877916612,0.1061248602111748,0.0357486996739425,0.0,0.0,0.16525502246803253,0.12064348093514725,0.04975710275300767,0.0,0.04296068578780523,0.0,0.032445071284117485,0.0,0.0,0.09497666493183432,0.0,0.0,0.14349739247517476 ptsd,celestify,2018/12/07,"it feels like i cant grow up I always feel trapped and stuck in a time of my life, and I never feel like. Im anything older than a kid, I dint feel any more mature than I was when I was 12. I sometimes forget its been four years, and I'm not 12. Just. Like I'm still that kid, that it's still happening, I'm still scared and I still feel dirty and wrong, and I still want to escape and get away. I know logically I am safe, it ended, I'm getting help. Yet I still feel like that 12 year old kid. I still feel the same fear I felt whioe being sexually abused, like its still happening. I get shocked when I see my age it feels like I never changed I never grew up I'm still just a stupid kid who let themself get taken advantage of like an idiot. im not even age regressing i dont think i just, dint feel like it stopped. i feel just stuck at one point in my life and will never be anything but a stupid kid,",0.14772727272727335,1.9682376616161608,1.9780707070707064,98.51377272727275,84.0,5.172121212121212,17.475757575757576,6.2581,-0.5244169696969698,699,15,174,6,20,230,95,198,0.162,0.72,0.11800000000000001,-0.8540000000000001,0,1,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,17,17,3,2,6,0,10,2,0,0,4,38,39,11,0,1,7,0,11,8,0,1,2,0,0,5,11,8,0,2,14,0,0,2,8,7,0,2,7,12,24,10,11,28,2,34,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,0,33,98,35,0,0.0,0.0959436826876751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06737877446671184,0.0,0.0,0.05506666569155914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13327320239333976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607990619096952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566219594191612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490362895775736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172097313742022,0.0,0.0,0.053484087199533695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911208583529223,0.40944053985867457,0.2892474502158016,0.07774995369224741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922711335166365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432141620563286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054276711808532635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493661475910094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044502460723465836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828037604241637,0.11439192105784435,0.31648746741129985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24981568057300824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497101272483842,0.0,0.054871641441689316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654878415909502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107140993771482,0.0,0.06452763280017297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008763837912787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5820100517779918,0.06769981869780471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051886347973467695,0.0,0.0,0.04721793592224618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776192401004597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853488004899564,0.0,0.1042921738479306 ptsd,Len-Draws,2018/12/07,"In not really sure So, i don't know if I have ptsd. (I'm not using my age, but I was a teen and I still am) Let me give you some background, I was forced in a Lesbian relationship, (Basically one of my friends forced me to date her). It blossomed, and the blossom was ugly. She used me for money, she manipulated me. On multiple occasions she tried to make me stop taking prescribed medicines, and one time I caught her trying to hide it/throw it away. After I caught her she started to verbally abused me, she told me not to wear certain things or I'll look like slut (I was wearing a turtle neck), she said I couldn't be Pansexual, she shot me down multiple times when I tried to talk about my depression, she isolated me, and once she actually slapped me. Hard. The worst was when we broke up. One day I was at her house, and all of the sudden she said ""If you truly loved me Len, you'll have sex with me"". And we were underaged. I told her that and she acted like it didn't happen. But the day afterwards she took away my only friend. I've never seen her since. But luckily my friend that was forced to leave me is back with me and away from her Now I'll get to my point I don't really know if this is ptsd, and it's been 2 years. When I am reminded of this relationship I start to get anxious and I start to feel like she's behind me. Sometimes I feel like she's trying too find me. Sometimes I think deserved this. Sometimes i feel like it's my fault it happened. sometimes I feel like she's in my school, in my house, or near me but she's not and I have no idea where she is now. I get nightmares about her hurting me, and my friends. I get scared of people and I don't trust people not even my own parents. Are these symptoms of ptsd? I know some of you guys went through worst, but now these feelings are affecting my school work.",1.6289988751406064,3.472773099737537,2.9950611173603328,92.97812598425196,79.15748031496062,6.3490363704536925,21.90933633295839,7.33818517376401,0.5504457592800902,1425,42,325,19,35,463,171,381,0.187,0.691,0.121,-0.9812,1,0,0,0,2,0,51.0,2,4,0,1,14,22,0,1,7,0,27,8,3,5,4,56,62,27,0,4,15,1,6,6,4,1,1,2,0,1,14,17,0,1,11,0,1,5,12,8,0,3,19,10,86,14,37,39,6,42,0,3,2,4,46,14,0,7,29,221,100,3,0.0,0.09494780669422156,0.07820097085668336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053063242560873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258706365227722,0.06161947566307411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336190955944388,0.0,0.06902083809984581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292893320729868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20259531499239125,0.2289960962143834,0.0,0.0,0.07324265985007372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476508488282138,0.0,0.16747057019105785,0.07687355137141996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934703056762811,0.14172762806139386,0.0,0.07178592714755101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493188376589653,0.08578702010189793,0.0904635522198763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212160258462596,0.0,0.0,0.0848522304198838,0.0,0.08194427416238925,0.0,0.2349017937017235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729388049261212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232567876280194,0.0,0.05349126177725784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180566110184964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534200050240734,0.16290625475238574,0.06094687899611194,0.0,0.0,0.08898131084404738,0.0,0.0,0.11111213284928888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757542232840423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810233488341888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267407753681312,0.0,0.0,0.17207169595080793,0.0,0.0,0.1524549735122981,0.0,0.08022990512311204,0.16220339450413918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628915320132467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170253796561837,0.0,0.17016157286232453,0.0,0.06399654503592728,0.0669971082919328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552703326585834,0.0832917687696143,0.06025214070605502,0.0644101121361178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532386577694897,0.051347778190786286,0.0,0.0,0.09345564662219256,0.0,0.0,0.15314636208340918,0.08903381074821366,0.21762776336358333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384231854379371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428667974234543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058339809191991075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160482110358637 ptsd,Tolfvinc,2018/12/07,"Asking for Therapy How do I ask for help? I think I need to go to therapy again(I've gone twice in the last year) and idk I feel like I cannot open up at all to anyone, but I was making progress w the therapist (small amounts) but it was something. How can I ask my mom to go back? (I'm under 18) I feel like my mom doesnt want to hear about it/address that I need to go. Idk. How can I ask her? ",-1.6139836567926444,0.2299321573033737,0.9564657814096053,102.61598569969358,92.59550561797752,4.58467824310521,17.079673135852914,6.1124844417494595,-0.6434359550561797,298,8,80,3,11,101,54,89,0.05,0.815,0.135,0.8384,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,4,1,15,24,6,0,3,2,2,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,3,3,13,2,13,21,2,13,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,5,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940048563579068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.585076002092676,0.0,0.0,0.12030809963144395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822177698648984,0.22355014272769394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26675950929415404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17634181656920456,0.0,0.1048718550719702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753580081008226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15287692782282247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443827997657663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664881748305107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320262484294167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045056929540128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35785134279837993,0.18166214532262887,0.0,0.10025326486399076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228417503273598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100755124771592 ptsd,TLYeeet,2018/12/07,"Buspirone - scaring me I have acute stress disorder from my ex attacking me a month ago. I was having panic attacks so the dr. Prescribed buspirone. Think I need to stop taking it. Now I feel nothing. The shakes stopped and I'm not hyperventilating but I feel...nothing. It's scaring me. I feel nothing. Maybe sadness, like despair. But just sleepy, heavy....nothing. Hard to even mess around with important stuff, things I ought to be concerned about. Feel dead inside. Which would you choose? Panic attacks or dead inside?",2.4864130434782616,5.321177315217392,2.428586956521741,87.89222826086956,96.5,4.039130434782609,26.40217391304348,5.985473137389443,1.1893347826086953,411,19,68,4,16,123,66,92,0.41600000000000004,0.526,0.057,-0.991,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,0,6,13,3,6,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,18,13,5,2,3,5,1,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,12,0,0,1,4,12,1,7,9,0,7,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207507201058656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126458908083185,0.0,0.4649093962875681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611980408692885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997195758606016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755074925276049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202627185587853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665501611914425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368511962492119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872942258025008,0.0,0.0,0.10100532796890864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5228266621339056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196493990270209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727597623250368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277718676861313,0.15603943236071793,0.0,0.15593919232601092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242041015342017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049844704058348,0.087284210007142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676670685255424,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,toxicalphatrain,2018/12/07,"It doesn’t seem real I have ptsd from childhood abuse from my step mom. Physical, emotional, all of it. I have constant flashbacks, nightmares of being trapped somewhere with her. If I see a car even remotely similar to hers or hear a voice like hers I freeze up. (I haven’t seen or spoken to her in at least 4 years) Younger me would’ve thought I’d have offed myself by now but I obviously haven’t. Step mom told me to kill myself frequently. I have a son who is almost 1 and it doesn’t seem real. I have a fiancé who loves and supports me but it doesn’t seem real. Is this the ptsd? Does anyone else feel this way? I know I have a son but sometimes it just feels like a dream I guess. There’s no other way to describe how I feel except it doesn’t seem real. I guess I’m just looking for people who have experienced this and what (if anything) has helped. ",1.056708296164139,3.2802234011299447,2.5098245614035117,93.66082961641392,83.3502824858757,5.308236693428487,20.6152245019328,6.5966054737557815,0.2161028248587571,670,20,146,7,19,217,100,177,0.077,0.812,0.111,0.5588,0,1,0,0,1,1,20.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,7,0,17,1,0,1,2,33,36,11,1,2,10,4,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,14,4,0,0,9,1,0,3,7,1,0,0,3,10,23,4,16,32,2,13,0,0,3,1,15,3,0,11,7,96,37,0,0.0,0.13622698315795229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513120006657995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039343467585461,0.11780582831814045,0.09461491256774583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424750242472872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006156993923067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960471476030305,0.12933178809496562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594013114826248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440496747163833,0.0821384095861694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533166103522336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295855701973221,0.0,0.07706555031329676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720318445248982,0.0,0.0631874428585155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234229207432887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655033268986757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376973798287133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26931546941022777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970942761769675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26880005160390397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5234684565897479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162046421865047,0.41867694440329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371355631771195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047265921685836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127758122048098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098638695016213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252415472064015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167518642838753,0.0,0.0,0.07404035269595374 ptsd,lilpoundshake,2018/12/07,"In the middle of the night, someone tried to break into my home. Help me! Hi. I woke up at 4:00 in the middle of the night by someone who climbed on the outside of my house. He managed to climb up to third floor, where I live, before he fell four meters down when I noticed him. He later then broke into another house and was caught by the police. I still feel terrible and do not know what to do to feel better.",2.2623697478991573,3.7601566823529424,3.4445378151260506,91.99470588235296,76.29411764705883,5.798319327731093,21.55462184873949,6.1826913282559595,0.17681512605042027,318,8,69,2,7,103,57,85,0.07,0.867,0.063,-0.1511,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,8,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,4,1,2,0,2,3,2,8,1,19,5,0,25,0,1,0,0,7,14,0,0,6,47,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328443269519722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889526918000961,0.0,0.0,0.19638985383757168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245556475199673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488389763459506,0.0,0.22273955544034205,0.0,0.0,0.5124439687524097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203577700731755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960788842837857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4167676837677754,0.0,0.0,0.2528114129551386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376293443592041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773336368874462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507609619522391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Square_Comedian,2019/01/27,"Not sleeping How do you cope with this? In the past, I would just binge drink until I passed out but it's ruining my life. I've been prescribed benzos and zopiclone and nothing works. I've been awake for almost three days now. It's amplified by a stressful situation that I'm in right now. I don't know what to do. ",1.2557802197802204,3.5372258307692306,2.554505494505495,93.28692307692309,83.0,5.560439560439562,21.59340659340659,6.868970318607317,0.4503406593406592,249,8,54,3,7,80,51,65,0.11599999999999999,0.884,0.0,-0.7876,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,2,0,6,3,1,1,0,11,8,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,0,5,0,8,5,0,10,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,5,35,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31122307281967554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004414266903302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044674066178442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708085220919476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21952847839767084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982226762651066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29669545302096784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26542300945412245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3493542063858803,0.31102622271153785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3560223721687938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22626738683768655,0.0,0.0,0.22078465679731296,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,erikamezal,2019/01/27,"I feel like PTSD is taking over my life (F23) I was sexually abused as a very young child and never knew how to express how I feel. As I got older and intentionally made myself get fat so that no one would look at me or try and abuse of me again. When I was 21 I was in college getting my life together and I was sexually assaulted by someone who I thought was a friend. I am now 23 years old and have been in a relationship for the past 2 years. I love my partner so much but I don't think he always understands me. When I first met my boyfriend he was very understanding with everything that had happened to me. He would hold me when I would get really bad anxiety or flashbacks. I still get flashbacks and anxiety but it seems like my boyfriend gets annoyed with it so I try to push all my pain back. I have lost all motivation in life and am trying to get myself to be normal again. I recently have lost about 50lb I'm trying to love my body again and get back in shape. It has helped in my relationship because my boyfriend can't keep his hands off of me...in a good way. But I can't keep pushing all my feelings behind. How do I get over all of this? I have gone to counseling but it makes things worse because when I go home and try to sleep I feel like I'm re living everything. How do I make it stop and help myself build motivation to feel free and like myself again? Someone help ",2.156041666666667,3.8844584652777816,3.6527999999999987,89.39220000000002,77.19444444444444,7.1080000000000005,23.672777777777767,7.9765259561132025,1.0776717777777771,1090,35,243,18,25,360,141,288,0.11900000000000001,0.738,0.14300000000000002,0.8819,0,0,0,0,2,0,20.0,0,0,0,5,22,15,2,0,5,0,25,10,4,10,5,53,62,30,0,4,6,0,6,4,2,3,5,0,1,2,10,13,1,4,13,0,1,4,5,6,0,2,16,7,43,10,29,42,5,37,0,2,1,2,17,10,0,3,26,157,53,3,0.0,0.2131143018561468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074832339546211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759861425516284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830747643249214,0.07509118070085208,0.10964593231359226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998964626847361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616538621552328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273668061284309,0.12849781598873258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649786258880517,0.0,0.0,0.06948282902689598,0.0,0.3758946613970621,0.0,0.05111159688869565,0.07543241977151616,0.0719284806838579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952838922678818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084270720215884,0.0,0.09021119153003523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987504342699915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905692514971412,0.17574894921206605,0.0,0.07941341963330735,0.0,0.07552195706089337,0.0,0.19634729307633855,0.0,0.16233799465685328,0.08509777885573136,0.12006336224045155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06611187953553048,0.0,0.06936268869747315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811628064557572,0.0,0.0,0.09437066384981448,0.0,0.06094164425402356,0.0,0.09569617702943932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585223326149095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512809945670112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05761405954181323,0.0,0.08879903115276802,0.1931110397834569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187258742850914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999900588562204,0.0,0.15240166859572502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182145376174934,0.07518889828597204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761921812086845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05974819101847473,0.057626112081953326,0.0,0.0713975951972955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052966049752324,0.0,0.0,0.187249049200752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841003067879052,0.0,0.07138546803181893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165048694204417,0.19165972039263007,0.0,0.0,0.11582916767440687 ptsd,skshenrj,2019/01/27,"Being a witness not knowing what to do, feeling like the event wasnt real TW: rape. About 6 months ago a girl was raped in my neiborhood. I heard her and couldnt do anything because I froze. My parents were asleep (it happend between 2 and 3 midnight). I decided to keep it to myself. My parents are toxic and telling them could get me in trouble. Going to the police could get me in trouble for being involved. Thursday I came back from work. I rode my through my neibourhood when I saw two men walking. This is nearby a playground and it was around 10 in the evening. I found it odd as it was cold outside and there was snow. As I kept looking behind them I saw a female figure on hands and knees. That is when my memory fractured as if someone threw a stone through a window. I mainly remember her bare hands. I started to disociate and put my bike away. When I sort of actually not really calmed down I walked back to the place where I saw the 3 people and searched for them (this was a few minutes later) went looking for them for 20 minitues but found no one. I feel like I might have imagened it even though I know what I saw was real. Maybe I am wrong and nothing happend, but why would she be on the ground on her hands and knees while there was snow on the ground? Being a witnessed is the worst thing that ever happend to me. Being almost kidnapped myself and getting molested was so much easier. I feel so guilty for not being able to take action when I thought something was wrong instead of waiting a few minutes even though I know I couldnt have done anything and I had no control over myself at that moment. I am in therapy, but I go there mainly to talk about my parents. I cant talk about any trauma that involved anything sexual such as molestation or witnessing what I just witnessed. So I will put it here, because I know that putting it out there will make me feel lighter. I hope that you wont be disapointed in me for not taking action, I am sorry.",4.205739795918369,5.3502293188775525,4.830714285714286,85.36428571428574,70.86224489795919,7.2326530612244895,29.561224489795922,7.447530270364453,1.7212846938775508,1551,61,306,16,28,497,194,392,0.11699999999999999,0.84,0.043,-0.9799,3,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,4,2,28,14,4,0,17,0,41,8,6,2,1,56,75,31,0,7,10,3,8,2,0,5,0,1,1,2,20,15,0,4,14,1,0,13,11,10,0,2,25,16,57,4,45,34,6,48,0,0,6,2,20,20,0,6,17,236,77,1,0.0958080006169133,0.0,0.09349478813186622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492801182292466,0.0,0.09593787318082286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515272581583295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365254634110413,0.08528943302474527,0.0,0.0,0.09001477038611279,0.1473408771989289,0.0,0.116807335836718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957882916315737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745681941151744,0.1529897850492833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804484845842973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898408424620919,0.08666382166954924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19377361528092588,0.13689050956813315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100970550367972,0.0,0.0,0.15016717797881682,0.0,0.10889978929366496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515896238408356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515855306003163,0.0,0.0,0.21061428617351616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361389930476813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090918131332094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395258437310689,0.0,0.09625201409022384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163714824175296,0.0,0.0,0.07647303203077703,0.0,0.07042990426327063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09193036054799407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492198074856526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191503397178965,0.0,0.0,0.06642120427547225,0.0,0.10009896895121584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28894050890199585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21810095948546532,0.0613770584992599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853178804543856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117780801399721,0.07375767963030949,0.0,0.1072492127740936,0.06781339595772416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440713860222508,0.15401368350662656,0.08374041544774821,0.0,0.10956479845548844,0.0,0.06365057842703206,0.0,0.1882617483246572,0.07606085063231023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359049515574963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881497643116283,0.08645181857554961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974936551689302,0.0,0.0,0.06805925477242768,0.2095020169653766,0.0,0.0 ptsd,operator139,2019/01/27,"The worst symptom of my PTSD is my night terror disorder. In the last month I have had 2 per week, way more than usual I have PTSD and most specifically an extreme version of night terror disorder. I find I do have triggers (most evident one is stress) but I am trying to figure out a way to stop this. I have tried CBD oil and it does seem to help, along with weed but my work drug tests so I can't do that. And I have read that CBD can cause you to show up with false positive so I only can use it rarely. Does anyone find that supplements help their night terrors? I sleep with pink noise and a weighted blanket and it does help the episodes. Still, I'll wake up screaming in my fiance's face lately and it really upsets her. My last resort is finding a new job so I can smoke weed every night. It's truly the only thing I've found that cures it. So stupid.",0.8015730337078644,3.07287168539326,2.2001011235955046,95.14082584269664,84.95505617977528,5.133033707865169,17.888764044943823,6.508806274219699,-0.1789986516853932,672,16,148,7,20,216,105,178,0.153,0.746,0.10099999999999999,-0.7832,1,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,1,5,8,1,5,8,0,16,6,3,3,0,25,19,12,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,12,11,1,1,6,2,0,0,1,8,0,1,2,4,19,0,16,17,5,20,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,3,13,89,31,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144047285937489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196496244922242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669757832392662,0.0,0.3057783325948837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507144209169653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813333691230387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31936202057761903,0.0,0.0,0.12770638672057502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342077391265327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558125778563567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988171513334026,0.13138636412694293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296745830641803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249013250777276,0.0,0.4372072394503899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892496711760089,0.17716558868780044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27230088371657946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650429483432725,0.0,0.07461544253540366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603244053759443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655689089272506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301530908579164,0.09737645574663308,0.13341917098332132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105981052662472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737933672765833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815473838118205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059508189794744,0.1282783072254813,0.0,0.0,0.18490133589442412,0.093427435094579,0.14183246278971876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479356785515149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,laxman890,2019/01/27,"FUCKING READ MY POST IM SUFFERING FROM SEVERE OCD , TRAUMA ,PTSD. PLEASE CAN WE TRADE EXPERIENCES I CANT BELIEVE IM STILL ALIVE",4.073939393939398,7.425694272727274,3.897272727272728,80.18257575757578,83.54545454545453,6.56969696969697,25.51515151515152,7.793537801064563,2.090224242424242,102,4,16,2,3,31,21,22,0.289,0.544,0.16699999999999998,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,7,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994995090408186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600328617672328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24575565825818635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5742842828520377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918016395428472,0.0,0.0,0.2545917684261507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107411795129011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659020529130466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003123649905075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21229227363183992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SaltySkirtThrowaway,2019/01/27,"I am so tired of tiptoeing around land mines in my life (PHYSICAL ASSAULT TW) BACKGROUND: my PTSD is centered on a a series of physical assaults I suffered through during my teenage developmental years (about a decade ago). They involved beatings and my face being forced into water for periods of time. I have times where my coping is strong, but I’ve had a lot of life stress recently that has brought more frequent nightmares and stressors. A coworker asked me if I would be willing to be a sparing partner. I have a martial arts black belt, but haven’t practiced in years. He hadn’t either, and wanted someone in a similar boat to work through his muscle memory. I wish I didn’t have to avoid truly telling him why I can’t. I wish I didn’t have to try and decide whether or not friendly sparing would trigger an episode. It’s like a bomb constantly waiting for the right button to be pushed; waiting for fingers to curl in just the right way, or a playful shove to have just the right amount of pressure. I wish I didn’t have to pull the barber aside to tell them they can’t put the hot towel over my face, I wish my knuckles weren’t white while they wash my hair. That I was able to let shower water run over my face, or let people touch me when I’m in a swimming pool. I want to not flinch when a hand moves too quickly. I want to not shy away from physical affection and intimacy. I want to truly feel safe and carefree in water. In so many ways, I feel I’ve grown from the broken child I was when it all happened. But in weeks like these, years after my trauma, I feel so helpless again to the hold it has on me. I’m so worried that I’ll never be given release from the torture. ",5.120189633375475,5.4347976224188805,5.4992246101980635,84.38805309734515,68.35103244837758,7.991066160977668,31.482090181205226,7.62386473244151,1.9608408765276024,1330,52,269,13,21,425,183,339,0.155,0.7020000000000001,0.14300000000000002,-0.7525,3,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,4,3,16,15,3,3,21,0,32,13,6,2,2,46,51,22,0,11,14,0,8,2,2,3,4,0,1,2,7,8,3,5,4,4,0,8,12,9,0,0,10,10,40,6,44,31,5,50,0,2,2,0,14,21,0,5,21,180,47,1,0.11438527237959767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139564235210638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182714350386628,0.10693478879817037,0.0,0.10746872873354588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123609843329863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350989182401774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837377769554079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115051860211502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339333816948958,0.16158740131219929,0.11176573252277852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724626812108468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596871271449655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157344222438987,0.0,0.0,0.08822097368750921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930034541906053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337102622483166,0.11498879216572035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129416569327718,0.0,0.0,0.2930531928649991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691827009299417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102794304333507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995553958946505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339794437307415,0.13146904384702549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766009149927043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26986958907881115,0.18158741003749607,0.09175296588964488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032149168315918,0.0,0.5261496726048387,0.0,0.0,0.08327384061436609,0.1161637964947337,0.0,0.1625120312493457,0.0,0.0,0.22098109543197825 ptsd,TWiiN2ITION,2019/01/27,"Still trying to find where I belong Over the last 3 years, I tried taking advantage of group therapy through the VA. I always felt like I didn't belong because my PTSD wasn't military related. I do go to therapy and try to remember to take my meds daily, but that day is always with me. From the time I wake up to when I finally get to sleep, the day the changed my life is always in the back of my mind. Countless times I've gone through that day and second guess everything that I did. My wife does what she can to help me, mostly holding me and trying to make me smile, but there are days that I walk around fighting like hell not to break down. It's been a long battle and I hope that one day I can win this war. V-XII-MMXV",4.524705882352944,4.248803823529413,5.307973856209152,87.28588235294121,69.58823529411765,8.891503267973857,26.803921568627448,8.515128840125781,1.4936745098039212,567,15,129,8,9,185,99,153,0.11800000000000001,0.746,0.136,-0.0355,0,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,6,9,4,0,7,0,10,3,2,1,0,18,19,7,1,1,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,3,0,0,3,3,4,0,2,6,1,21,5,20,13,1,24,1,0,0,0,5,6,1,3,16,81,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388482036565914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084042478828222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043783125175129,0.0,0.0827479300794584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435985414592624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377163868365957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878998328372199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219974348381494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033497245742198,0.14870028363076052,0.12406702843831847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092033535171535,0.0,0.07714611488730905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495366830970506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098595436655428,0.0,0.0,0.1348238466255084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11064900630054336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958795933142296,0.13263475857312326,0.0,0.0,0.12012865680560668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060978819864507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078034059266318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706216004258498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198325576249468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867679611405092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377083544027667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584145419904506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840487209474993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041243196178155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31046886625128417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830616188613658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3686434922143281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741431319559789 ptsd,vanillasilver,2019/01/27,"Nightmares and flashback support - TW sexual assault, hospitalization Hello! It’s now 4 am, and I’m awake AGAIN because I heard my name being called in my sleep and someone knocking at the door but when I got up to check (nervously, might I add), no one was there and now wide awake and scared again. Just before this, I was having a nightmare about people I knew hunting me for sport and a lot of people had paid to come shoot at me. Before that, I had a nightmare about my service dog dying, and lately I’m depending on her more than anything. My original diagnosis of PTSD was due to a sexual assault that happened shortly after my parents divorced, and now recently because of some medication I was prescribed, I had a psychotic break and was sent to the ER twice and then a psychiatric hospital, and not five days later I was I sent to jail because of something I did (that I don’t remember) while I was hallucinating during my psychosis. I’m starting to have nightmares of the police coming to my apartment and taking me away, things making me not safe at home, etc. especially when my roommate is gone for work and it feels all too much like the start of some secondary PTSD. I’m here asking if y’all have tips on dealing with PTSD related nightmares and flashbacks, I’ve got my dog sitting with me watching Netflix because I can’t sleep - any little noise makes me jump. Love and kindness to you all! TLDR: I am having nightmares and flashbacks and want to know how to cope. Currently I’m with my service dog, watching tv. ",4.804480074719802,6.435835743150688,5.427459526774597,79.7905790784558,69.99315068493149,7.63785803237858,31.76587795765878,8.150884317080207,2.4503986301369864,1215,54,216,17,22,392,164,292,0.066,0.8640000000000001,0.069,0.2083,2,0,1,1,1,0,32.0,0,2,0,1,14,9,2,2,10,0,22,4,2,5,2,46,49,24,1,2,5,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,2,0,7,23,0,1,4,3,2,6,5,4,1,3,19,4,34,5,33,28,8,39,0,0,2,1,14,12,0,6,20,153,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851912990548133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309065474091356,0.0,0.11711521850624178,0.0,0.11769999071090513,0.0,0.0,0.30546592040339904,0.0,0.21319960410886515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791978637768114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21582664787361416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079201428500922,0.1291530290324196,0.0,0.0,0.13001567649976192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971474518566046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334280646596555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20038773068637625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110780272923764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256610440075281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045463955159192,0.06884786635536201,0.0,0.14131566188985026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061203039408534075,0.12555846562789247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065043291141963,0.11306558279898565,0.0,0.16724407681907133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262013876301771,0.0,0.1328969829354003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209154277680393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848895853231946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910306741530756,0.0,0.0,0.17369982932126254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393193297261113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236939538460554,0.0,0.1419121594155264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542213409986613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507309536081573,0.0,0.10614510494439,0.09644281899634402,0.0,0.0,0.17734058621851348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14216059075067294,0.0,0.0,0.09419121286311838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322714658350343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389044353191686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120169543526796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,prk92,2019/01/27,"New here So I’m trying to find the best way to support my SO. (Potential trigger coming up) When my SO other was 18 he came home from school to find his father dead from a heart attack. His first instinct was to start doing mouth to mouth resuscitation but the body was already cold and stiff. He continued to do this for the half hour, forty five minutes it took the first responders to get there. seldom does he talk about it unless he’s been drinking. He says he has “day nightmares” about it and that he can still feel his dads cold dead skin. He’s undiagnosed and in the military. Hasn’t seen action yet. I just want to learn better ways to support him. Honestly one of my biggest fears is him being deployed and it making things worse. ",3.6465632183908063,5.5133016965517285,4.096293103448279,87.215933908046,73.41379310344827,6.764367816091952,23.80747126436781,7.492282038375204,0.9840919540229884,586,17,116,7,12,184,100,145,0.113,0.7809999999999999,0.106,-0.4939,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,11,7,1,1,6,0,11,7,5,2,0,17,23,10,2,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,8,6,1,1,4,1,0,4,1,2,0,5,7,6,9,5,18,15,1,19,0,0,1,0,18,3,0,0,10,72,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971478585528858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852713242554822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090650690931405,0.1440322085492395,0.0,0.1808954372785204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18626298752208728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028535257218494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502814476946844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251570122439844,0.0,0.0,0.15953611679908405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832573998983541,0.08234449291167457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29769344296451744,0.2770491353141477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08508513129073082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19298422081995809,0.0,0.0,0.1633570649117243,0.0,0.16037958784732587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087071245062938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15728658710828788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035491237156757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950900814676716,0.0,0.16481817792155345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526976352609893,0.0,0.13005638973636902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696123493889724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308968576699789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819377233603493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809381425807156,0.1105680048570546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605622868831423,0.2585337880421433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596338315294173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KaraIHateThat,2019/01/27,"Watching movies with ptsd Triggering scenes in movies are always difficult for me to decide what to do. I usually just push through it and put myself through a living hell. Sometimes I leave the room, sometimes we skip the scene, it always helps to know that the scene is in the movie, but that's not always the case. It's really difficult for me to decide what to do or how to go about this when I'm watching with someone that doesn't know about my ptsd or that I'm not comfortable to talk with. So I was wondering if anyone had advice on what to do or how they deal with triggering scenes in movies, thanks!",9.548925619834712,6.544578933884303,8.573619834710744,76.69679338842978,61.31404958677686,12.324628099173555,35.7702479338843,10.355215969177356,3.2757854545454546,485,14,99,8,5,151,69,121,0.10300000000000001,0.851,0.046,-0.7265,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,1,0,8,5,1,0,6,0,8,0,0,4,0,23,15,10,0,1,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,11,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,2,2,9,2,22,13,0,10,1,0,2,0,5,5,1,5,2,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460795672817315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4715833849772195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209548148667688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947656072564449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736614685810504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662739209633653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20764819221772504,0.0,0.0,0.20003631398255126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668175794511277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4416688052130899,0.18991422795361929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210253632131388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600691518942526,0.0,0.3736883996539069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151844699322041,0.0,0.17392981649831302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080658935576799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487292809421367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ircole327,2019/01/27,Unable to date because of mental problems. I’m currently crushing on someone and my brain just tells me that I’m not allowed to love so that sucks. I’m trying to get that thought out of my head but it just doesn’t leave. It’s a constant flow of I don’t deserve it ya know.,0.02767554479418877,2.215074915254238,1.8971428571428568,96.47322033898304,87.98305084745762,4.049394673123486,23.682808716707026,5.288315135182226,0.18035883777239725,216,9,48,1,7,71,43,59,0.163,0.8370000000000001,0.0,-0.7161,2,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,2,3,2,1,0,10,10,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,8,9,0,6,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,3,28,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185031755184812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33884477937213914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280128578162068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585841980074005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115138678632986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681457015746684,0.0,0.0,0.3213991065994453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739516501043657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058912868656368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904414311144894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571837152399801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653024476452704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409724114077802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060799355838164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ShelterBoy,2019/01/27,"Memories you did not know you had come up in conversation? I had a different post and I think I made it too complex. It turns out that I remember stuff I do not know I remember. When I try to remember stuff to write to down this stuff never comes up. But I have noticed something in the last few years when talking with a pen pal. I am able to answer questions in message exchanges that I would never have thought I had the information to be able to answer. I can't even think of those questions. When I made a police report they were abrupt, unkind and really not at all interested in getting me talking. I don't think they asked me any questions and the Prosecutor asked me one then kept speaking so I could not answer him. &#x200B; now I feel like this has wandered..... &#x200B; Has anyone else when in conversation found they are able to come up with answers to questions or info about the abusive situations and what was going on around that time that surprised you to be able to come up with? 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I've also been having dreams about my primary abuser, or others would call her my mother. I'm a divorcee (I and past counselors agree that I somehow managed to marry someone like my mother), and I had a dream that I was marrying her last night. Has anyone been dealing with strange manifestations of stress lately?",8.771684981684981,10.48459387912088,8.478846153846153,61.28698717948717,60.75824175824176,10.022710622710623,39.34249084249085,10.125756701596842,4.554163369963371,437,22,60,9,6,140,65,91,0.193,0.6890000000000001,0.11800000000000001,-0.8268,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,1,2,0,10,0,0,0,0,10,14,6,1,1,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,6,2,11,2,6,7,1,10,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,8,41,14,2,0.0,0.2836842163301922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914712868552714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741432560147676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444837813955631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468407883617768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19149324561422496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698538870709953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951665932612556,0.2700863436969863,0.0,0.2601403118566745,0.0,0.0,0.2339458332633798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246878995504405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285620749134201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27987969131032386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286741690463855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946908035633168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742651135025876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19004759774067176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008349387503055,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,France19,2019/07/16,"Anyone with DDNOS? Currently experiencing many somatic and life disturbances that stem from c-ptsd, though never officially diagnosed with any form of ptsd. My bloodline is riffed with unofficially diagnosed personality disorders that stem from repeated early childhood trauma, including my parents, one of which died when I was a toddler. How long does a diagnosis take? is it more important to let the therapy process continue without focusing on receiving an official diagnosis? Many fragmented memories and dissociative feelings are surfacing and I’m not sure if being set on labeling it will halt the trauma healing.",10.142943722943727,12.694269787878788,10.426724386724386,45.49818181818185,58.19191919191918,15.758152958152962,47.47619047619048,13.925175675911133,8.684534199134196,515,33,61,25,7,172,79,99,0.135,0.845,0.02,-0.9003,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,5,0,7,4,0,1,2,14,10,7,1,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,1,2,3,1,11,6,2,13,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,8,43,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829817482557787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191844594548172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3829805303282576,0.19580372853452535,0.0,0.21622560131014515,0.0,0.16510137618908433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539432486742942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292200095461834,0.13325915508229744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696194418161586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3825519204299199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550951768103618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784379366792484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20948934762152727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647343655651472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4410768767452883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781384401477954,0.0,0.14185205330852158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575403777742536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18536168976107653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186562612170207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,q4clockwork,2019/07/16,Ob/Gyn with past child sexual assault Had my annual exam and broke down in the middle of it. The doctor gave me a script for 5 xanax tablets to take in the future before exams with her. I don't even think they were able to get the exam fully finished. I feel sore and exhausted. Kinda numb after it all. Anyone else have issues with vaginal exams?,3.0234782608695667,4.975362579710152,4.45731884057971,83.58858695652177,75.37681159420289,6.339130434782609,18.746376811594203,7.1686216300943375,0.4593942028985505,274,5,50,3,6,91,57,69,0.19399999999999998,0.8059999999999999,0.0,-0.9181,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,5,0,4,5,0,0,1,9,9,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,6,0,11,6,1,9,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,32,8,5,0.3342676489368022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23372771224657055,0.3424967082589511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284437149269548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34213710281988075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792377283988254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22078062956947847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16901576692151804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464105018105058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488885800283784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190962940830419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25132767187828514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141852123026063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aspiringandroid,2019/07/16,"cleaning for the first time since a bad depressive episode [rant/vent] a month before I was diagnosed (April of this year) I had a really gnarly depressive / flashback / everything-is-terrible episode. it's now July and I'm just now feeling good enough reliably enough to get my life back together. I'm really frustrated! I like to think of myself as a decently organized person, but man. my room was rough. I'll be okay, and I have good supports, but it's still kinda frustrating to be in this place at this time.",4.346520618556704,6.369518329896909,5.1964819587628845,79.40235180412374,71.88659793814433,10.210824742268043,29.650773195876287,10.411451182825502,3.4903412371134026,406,17,75,13,8,132,68,97,0.12,0.726,0.154,0.498,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,2,0,5,1,6,2,0,0,0,8,12,5,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,2,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,3,2,7,5,9,7,2,14,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,11,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691915075245516,0.17039200784388914,0.0,0.0,0.1736506612020762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35153467900541946,0.2071292850706312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217228753189001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318518433639708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358395860360393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661945500032187,0.0,0.0,0.3423326505570813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414243720251116,0.0996995121570842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16288871723674067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781882297610645,0.21321232094762302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614681296456307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881087533636305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16297255681042516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315790470992308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076141366052074,0.0,0.0,0.2379926239743079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314159949458934 ptsd,manwithnoguts,2019/07/16,"I think my screwed up childhood gave me some form of PTSD. I went to my psychiatrist about a month ago and she told me that there is a good chance I have childhood PTSD. I just want to know if the symptoms I have and the things I do are actually a sign of PTSD or if it is because I am sensitive. A tiny background, I was raised in a family with a mother who was verbally and psychologically abusive. My father helped her by allowing this to go on and threatening me with the possibility of going to my mother if I didn’t get my act together. My mom and dad used to fight a quite a bit and it hurt me as a child. I didn’t like seeing my parents hostile and upset with each other. It was always the same scenario, my dad screwed up on something small and my mother threw a shitfit over it. She would use blatant hatred and wrath against my father. When I screwed up significantly or if I screwed up on something small and she was having a bad day, I would have the same hatred and wrath thrown at me. I seemed to absorb all the negative energy, I couldn’t take it. Even when I was not being disciplined, I absorbed her hate and directed it towards myself. I began to fear my home and I was insecure about my parents and my behavior. Later in my childhood I developed one anxiety which I think was pretty bad as I could become anxious enough to pass out. My mother always thought I was faking and she had to restrain herself from hitting me in the head while I was unconscious one time. I began to fear myself as well as my home. Nowadays when my mom gets angry, I have the same reaction as I did when I was a kid. This was to isolate myself and cry as I directed the hate towards me. When my mom gets mad at me, I loose my personality and become an appeaser to make the incoming pain that I know will be coming more bearable. When it is all over I become emotional and cry like I did when I was a child. Nowadays I hear her voice inside my head, disciplining me and degrading me till there is nothing left but a sad and lifeless mind. I can be fine one minute, and as soon as my mom gets angry, I feel like a kid being yelled at and degraded and I instantly break down mentally. I try to avoid my family as much as possible for the things my mother did to me. I am still afraid of home and what happens when I screw up. When bad stuff happens because of my mother, I loose all happiness inside.",5.7988100704009815,5.351311221074383,6.784995408631773,78.34555708601165,66.95454545454545,9.980287725742274,31.97551270278543,9.53975657930432,2.7161197734925007,1877,68,383,34,27,631,209,484,0.171,0.7709999999999999,0.057999999999999996,-0.9921,2,1,2,0,1,0,36.0,0,0,0,1,18,32,10,6,27,0,41,9,2,4,4,69,73,52,0,9,9,16,1,3,0,3,2,3,3,5,18,30,0,4,7,0,0,7,5,25,1,3,25,5,88,7,59,38,13,54,0,2,1,5,35,23,5,8,26,298,106,0,0.0,0.0939917109241588,0.07741351067140849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032023582194359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201591005663602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068635029180741,0.08961901626788132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987088192932001,0.0967162568093203,0.2628374345835474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660655417554652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833477683688258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333762872869983,0.0,0.1742780253438961,0.05116054315592501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923427472391293,0.0,0.08196790417182061,0.0,0.05239595481721954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495683524223354,0.1785340136536014,0.04011104825765846,0.056672543651956474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657841920708626,0.0,0.09016882297983334,0.06653727255020125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030047360245074,0.08444703200708283,0.0,0.15664162445161472,0.16282856536619233,0.0,0.08940937523226637,0.0,0.05317245349887765,0.0,0.2387199027723189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492317068924263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871941186028929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861910236249925,0.0,0.0,0.1162682017515339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052952620908119495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994481873308952,0.0,0.08009952065743305,0.3716359440898708,0.06331952828044075,0.0,0.058315829729258174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611816754182227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16126583791171956,0.0,0.08441148556955712,0.0,0.1761705917745105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069266888738519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886270966460102,0.0,0.08070595592867333,0.0,0.0,0.27819352848905393,0.0,0.0,0.08437599282757685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321481976585877,0.07221800229425941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214244308690367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335211913355197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081254976065216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245304578512097,0.05964541982568961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540512109301073,0.10166144310945804,0.0,0.06297824284917414,0.04625728822695414,0.0,0.0,0.0758021122088036,0.0,0.053859079359823835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702930571934566,0.0,0.0,0.04679020889105985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132615984091288,0.07353863528774947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270587272057116,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PixieBard,2019/07/16,"My Story and an Update on my Recovery (NSFW) I want to tell you all my story. I haven't been able to tell anyone but my husband and therapist, yet, but I lurk here and you all have helped me without realizing it. I want you to know the difference this support group makes. My story (again TW, NSFW) I had just graduated college with my masters degree. My husband decided that he was going to enlist in the military (he had worked a series of dead end jobs since finishing high school, and said my success made him want to change). I didn't want him to join, but he was adamant. He left five months later for Basic Training. I didn't see or hear from him for three months. Then he went to Tech school. Another seven months with only limited contact. Finally, he got posted. I quit my job that I loved and moved to be with him. He was a stranger to me. Not only that, but he told me after I arrived to our apartment that he was working nights. I settled into a routine of job hunting and taking care of the apartment. I realized some homeless men hung around the apartment, but thought little of it. It turns out, I was being stalked. One of the men saw me exit my home to toss out some old food, and took his chance. He followed behind me quietly and once on the threshold, covered my mouth, shoved me in, and closed the door. He raped me until I bled. He held a knife to my throat and told me he'd kill me if I screamed. I screamed anyway. He cut me. He stabbed me. Over and over. I couldn't breathe or see through the tears and pain. My neighbor started making banging noises (I think he had a guest...) and the man hurting me got nervous. He beat me in the head three times with something heavy I couldn't see. When I woke up, hours had passed. I texted my husband and tried to call the police, but I couldn't speak. Husband showed up with a coworker and police five minutes later. A few days in the hospital and I was back in my feet. I blame my husband, even though I know I shouldn't. He was the catalyst to us moving there and me being alone with no family nearby. I go in for PTSD treatment and people assume it's for him because he's the secicemember...it feels dismissive... I am now recovered enough to be around people and function well at my job. The anger is still there. The scars are starting to fade, and I'm considering getting a tattoo over them. Life continues.",2.265270715630884,4.4119436673728805,3.3756666666666675,89.54259133709982,78.42796610169492,6.059962335216572,24.47193973634652,7.123485893559443,0.9893354425612052,1849,66,376,22,45,595,243,472,0.127,0.8079999999999999,0.066,-0.9872,6,1,1,0,0,1,72.0,2,3,1,7,16,14,4,1,25,0,28,10,5,3,2,70,66,33,2,9,12,5,1,0,2,1,2,6,3,3,9,32,1,2,9,1,0,8,10,9,1,6,26,11,72,5,56,31,6,63,0,1,4,2,53,27,0,6,27,247,81,11,0.09197674864775636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526017286302926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644564055762173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431228122043704,0.0,0.0,0.16375761299921762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707244423242533,0.0,0.05606817227835605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391854398634934,0.0,0.09377642517534918,0.0,0.09729920438767882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05931739383123531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609612608386116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146409915656169,0.09503656828783584,0.0,0.060749775028467026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670749290410124,0.0,0.04650620770838439,0.0,0.0,0.10075603235566104,0.0,0.0,0.11121864955634958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048054054968148005,0.0,0.1045450117230486,0.0,0.14712441625900652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439467940522532,0.0,0.10366448039250004,0.0,0.06165007583193913,0.09717848482027117,0.0922601782193935,0.0,0.09057857011291827,0.0,0.09846301173578588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650909231510415,0.0,0.10175864488970082,0.0,0.10109603131405076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993300652612172,0.0,0.06496589764552242,0.0,0.09218486530391214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301260666662201,0.08703062347525169,0.12279038786707105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202448897838155,0.19551345562402492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631394793009142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965141255513462,0.09795223551351764,0.06232582526068421,0.1399049239552949,0.09786974540416266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753019311933986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808830048291459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751589716573144,0.0,0.0,0.09782859382866474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749095042752411,0.0,0.0,0.18617076007156969,0.2198806812074124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608411694291893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080819468641658,0.0,0.0,0.13020323218921842,0.0,0.07345275028130799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10437412439168983,0.0,0.0,0.06915506833550998,0.0,0.1607834647148777,0.0,0.0,0.10679209428732783,0.0,0.05893498667514699,0.09036668855496063,0.07301926452379741,0.0536323817939261,0.0,0.0,0.17577544981980348,0.10218955201113407,0.06244617481947967,0.1000442907405096,0.0,0.0,0.11063670382488776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21700107755133025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269814299778562,0.08526336747208338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08866230349850755,0.0,0.13392033690671207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DoctorModalus,2019/07/16,"I'm not a real doctor and I do not want to confuse people here. Should I say this every time I share my insights? I have had PTSD since childhood. My particular stresses had caused my to become hyperanaltical. In when I grew up I found my self attracted to philosophy. As I studied and fed my desire for security and information I found a lot of helpful information and peace. I never finished a grad program, in fact I didn't take my bachelors degree despite having earned more than enough credits. My life wasn't well sorted out and the political nature of university life bleed into the issues I had growing up with trust and authority. I continue to study to this day but not to find answers, really to stay healthy and grounded. I dont think that philosophy has the answers or is the answer but I have a lot of good information. I have no medical advice to offer. But I want to share something that I know from experience are very helpful. But I have this Reddit username which is a personal inside joke, and that I love. It however may portray me as something that I am not to certain people who are very stressed and looking for help. I don't want people to take my word as authority. I do my best to put that in every answer but it distracts from what's being said. So what do you all think is best. Note: the community rules say not to give medical advice. #Tl:dr Should I just pony up the 2 seconds it takes to write ""I am not a real doctor?"" or do most people understand easily enough?",3.5080821917808223,5.507626082191784,5.291227397260276,77.93048493150687,74.13698630136986,7.959671232876714,27.775890410958905,8.726425361277474,2.3146425753424658,1184,47,218,24,25,404,155,292,0.061,0.7340000000000001,0.205,0.9922,1,0,2,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,3,5,17,0,4,12,0,28,9,0,1,4,62,46,21,0,6,14,0,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,2,15,12,1,1,15,1,1,3,12,4,1,1,9,4,35,13,34,33,9,20,0,0,1,1,19,9,0,8,7,163,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021044612265649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420954896998695,0.0,0.0,0.21704735490645294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062317912795918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669167085908886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21169149610108973,0.0,0.0,0.12119715960319027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137028322539731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425679702179458,0.0,0.0,0.101155999465947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451596597595988,0.0,0.0,0.22677009270601794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920144872872227,0.0,0.0867364106603625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079430484177728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793442872764716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568320926635728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608478164659133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683936563813413,0.0,0.0,0.1758330133296353,0.0933326480377175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20835181497272653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07975709475573133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867692295554761,0.0902946735945168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088216225913848,0.10395682125538544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354091769307668,0.06624786455698829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836773486141856,0.16447347829611605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788043774407743,0.0,0.0,0.08554281564018444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922199237506302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022258296651824,0.0,0.0,0.23691436700693466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332570646373043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252344648203293,0.0,0.0,0.06029990400734739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765470918494706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065014493852074,0.18298382024287693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297909057093393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kwils93,2019/07/16,"New PTSD diagnosis and I’m not handling it well. Just found this sub. Looking for advice maybe? Long story short- I was cheated on when I was 38 weeks pregnant. My entire thought of what my family was and was going to be...shattered. I spent the last days of my pregnancy in bed having severe panic attacks and immobile. I snapped out of it, buried it, and kept everything deep down because I didn’t have time to process what had happened. I had a baby to prepare for. We’re still together. I’m 8 weeks postpartum and about a week and a half ago I was diagnosed with PTSD, PPA, PPD, and I’m showing some OCD behaviors. I know that what I went through was traumatic and that PTSD happens because of various reasons but it’s hard accepting that that is what I have. I have the most basic symptoms of ptsd- I have vivid nightmares of what happens, I wake up screaming having panic attacks, I don’t sleep because I’m scared to, I can’t function and I feel myself shutting down and all I focus on is my baby because I’m in a routine with her and she’s the only thing that I know I can protect and focus on. Working is hard because I’m just not mentally there- I don’t feel like I can be. And I just feel like I have to protect my daughter from everything bad. I’m about a week away from my next therapy appointment and so I am just kind of spiraling until then. Maybe I just need to be validated and told that I’m not stupid for feeling like this? I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety as a teen but this is a whole different type of feeling.....and I really fucking hate it.",1.798653516295026,4.112009059748432,3.567552887364208,86.64843053173244,81.04402515723271,6.747627215551745,27.2464265294454,7.898369717300924,1.8901308176100624,1243,56,246,23,33,415,157,318,0.158,0.76,0.08199999999999999,-0.9693,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,1,12,18,6,3,10,0,29,6,2,1,1,45,57,23,0,1,10,1,6,3,0,0,3,1,1,0,20,20,0,3,10,1,1,2,7,12,1,1,16,9,36,6,37,39,5,30,0,1,2,1,4,13,1,2,18,170,56,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090266499611336,0.0818837016197988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066561910104248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21017681303805769,0.08678812139202312,0.0,0.07712817170402374,0.2815507165821721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957338739724974,0.0,0.07956132281476966,0.18751469938068765,0.0,0.0965108440680391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603903042352752,0.0,0.08708169276142881,0.0,0.1868276503226708,0.19797534522703053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128298188412196,0.0,0.0853979868142048,0.0,0.0,0.05249809610269494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450572438352357,0.0,0.16549736226273384,0.09119989351510463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619298204844452,0.10153232717761518,0.0752968853314117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353873551306022,0.0,0.0,0.08174780776557103,0.07757063369161267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856035725527513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930909517960754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849391978917298,0.0,0.08921508426869952,0.09824046600510927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025435285714386,0.0,0.2167612415886964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43191959589055295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05917695041458304,0.09497553691188157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924821772181946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435597522909823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244039998240344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376974720689068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960116319263767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563736359999078,0.0,0.06136897426391692,0.0,0.0,0.07333439067324321,0.05386384079410295,0.0,0.0,0.08826701824454472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963864050705206,0.0,0.08305503987341381,0.08563133497840497,0.0,0.10313192470073176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724914561833517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hks947633,2019/07/16,Weapon threat PTSD? Is being threatened with a weapon a valid cause for developing PTSD?,4.928000000000001,8.477510133333336,3.068333333333332,86.4225,81.0,5.666666666666668,20.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.7823333333333333,72,2,12,1,2,20,12,15,0.5539999999999999,0.446,0.0,-0.8796,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022800866367022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9155166475250832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shakespearestark,2019/07/16,"Finding myself triggered and panicked always right before bed... thanks mind/body for hating me this way I ruminate too much when I’m in bed and on the phone. Prob need to put the phone away to sleep but when I’m experiencing difficult emotional flashbacks and can’t sleep without sitting up in a panic, I get the phone out to distract myself. *big ole sigh*",3.2368487394957985,5.883408147058827,3.989747899159663,83.76029411764709,77.82352941176471,6.238655462184874,25.890756302521005,7.447530270364453,1.5330521008403353,286,11,51,4,7,91,51,68,0.20199999999999999,0.745,0.053,-0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,2,4,0,1,2,2,1,0,9,7,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,0,1,5,1,11,7,1,13,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,2,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334889106818576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183174985152476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19772815601920024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581085984863626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613828599256038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123802526424341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140275244015993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294154118988063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346255612306697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081730535411985,0.1722980171944436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27263392316643104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335941418377795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19844110546432955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4650718684126781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139333459252367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18444299838858194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22399457630658454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jennybettybee,2019/07/16,"How to Stop the Intrusive Thought Snowball Hi there – I just found this Reddit. I would love some feedback about intrusive thoughts and EMDR. This is a long post, sorry! &#x200B; Background – I have PTSD from when I had a mental breakdown in 2008 at 18 years old, which was essentially caused by a severe panic disorder I'd had for about a year at that point. Turns out I also have OCD as a secondary condition which comes out when things are really, really bad – so it came out for the first time in 2008, and then it came out again in September 2017 when I was triggered, had a one hour panic attack, and then everything went to hell. &#x200B; It took me about 2 years to get to a fairly solid spot after my 2008 breakdown. I'm now 1 year and 10ish months out since my breakdown in 2017, and I'm still struggling. I couldn't even leave my house at first and had to do exposure therapy once my mood was more controlled by medication, starting with just 1 mile from home. I can now very comfortably be most places within 3 miles from home, and often work on going to places up to 5-5.5 miles from home, but my functionality is still iffy that far out. I can stop into a gas station or small store, but would be able to go out to eat with a friend somewhere 5 miles away. I love downtown and would go there every day, but my parents live out in a suburb 10 miles away from downtown, so I feel very cut off from my favorite places, the people I know, and events I would like to go to. &#x200B; Generally I'm a fairly easygoing person, so even though I'm frustrated, I don't let it bring me down, and I don't really have anxiety or panic attacks, as the whole problem is that my PTSD causes me to be terrified of attacks, so I avoid anything that may cause an attack. &#x200B; This morning, quite randomly, I woke up at 4:30am. While still not fully awake, I caught onto an intrusive thought – I know this is more of an OCD thing, but happens with PTSD too – about hurting myself. This is my OCD thought, the only one I have. It terrifies me, so obviously when I have that thought, my brain likes to latch onto it. Usually I can brush it aside, but for whatever reason, I just kept building it up and adding fuel to the fire thinking about my slow progress, bullying myself, etc., until my stomach felt like it was on fire (my physical symptoms recently have been this hot stomach feeling and feeling flushed), and I got up, took .25mg Xanax, used the restroom, and then moved to my couch and put the TV on, then fell asleep. This is so abnormal for me and I haven't felt particularly bad recently so I don't think it's my medications. I've been a bit more stressed recently about some things, and I am very close to my cycle, so I'm PMSing fairly hard, which affects my anxiety. But it's still abnormal. I felt much better after I had gotten up and was fully awake, so I think it has something to do with being groggy and not having anything to distract me. I'm not sure. &#x200B; Anyway, I felt good that I was able to handle the situation, and though I felt a bit off today, which I figured I would, I didn't feel terrible. My question is about intrusive thoughts like these, and what methods any of you may have to stop it from snowballing when you feel like it's starting to get out of control. I was pretty concerned for a minute there, but it would have been better if I could have done something to stop it before it got to that point. &#x200B; The other question I have is just about EMDR. I've heard wonderful things from the PA at my psychiatrist's office, as well as people I know who have done it. I had done it a bit with a couple of other therapists, but I stopped prematurely because I didn't feel like I was doing it right, and neither of them told me that's just how most people feel and it takes time to get used to it and see progress from it. I'm hoping introducing EMDR into my therapy will improve my exposure therapy efforts. I'm also looking into changing up my diet a bit and practicing mindful meditation 20 minutes twice a day. &#x200B; Any words of advice from your personal experiences would be appreciated. Thanks!",7.244798896130586,6.411090284833537,7.319999119253127,76.97418105219893,64.154130702836,10.337866243908168,34.10607128178029,9.546486929272694,2.9768569432211853,3275,120,635,53,42,1057,330,811,0.12,0.7609999999999999,0.11800000000000001,0.3287,1,1,3,0,0,1,117.0,0,3,1,11,49,37,7,7,32,0,73,12,4,12,2,137,142,66,0,12,19,2,16,6,1,10,4,1,4,2,51,46,2,9,30,1,1,15,11,19,1,5,47,20,79,17,108,77,15,117,1,1,2,2,17,53,1,15,54,444,130,2,0.07962638035216305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03890498865951965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06367718759940594,0.0,0.3019630244540642,0.33864168684333457,0.05414866914439997,0.0,0.0609139630224175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552572642252602,0.0,0.0,0.18117300577617007,0.07481160548101372,0.0,0.06648470159792688,0.02426975119866823,0.0,0.03387809245983006,0.0,0.0,0.07042306265232451,0.17386276858572042,0.0,0.0,0.044444687249037516,0.0,0.09107136641310876,0.0,0.12269734007642195,0.04211707616566829,0.034295538035914445,0.0,0.0,0.08930775633350076,0.03178759272683164,0.044052537670854486,0.0,0.05135242800105448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04562936519482653,0.0,0.0,0.12222814918354935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040738832923955096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0444022311878635,0.05259247324832513,0.0,0.033544329852160805,0.0,0.035781528160939886,0.03894493954443951,0.0,0.0,0.1409152164388011,0.056885102033688364,0.19113453055499144,0.0,0.0,0.06773015845039462,0.0,0.04365310805858752,0.030759571969152244,0.0,0.06240224591453052,0.0,0.09050701388957913,0.033393414995683386,0.0636844903759021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03520667258762916,0.0,0.03566479829025897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980762774715095,0.039543481149394696,0.03920797256700069,0.045939076041962935,0.042620843519480235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564086434770237,0.0,0.0,0.04215641982562277,0.0,0.04071168438120527,0.0,0.11670428206871465,0.0,0.03515577633693723,0.035233420457801014,0.03343305253973698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07186591708927721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802152010847231,0.04012233153522414,0.0,0.04019997261310776,0.0,0.031778508558557884,0.042315120425449285,0.029267275743794213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041777245790343434,0.04239974817556387,0.05395689607354644,0.03027972517996945,0.0,0.14013660132179154,0.04420783611713855,0.0,0.0,0.0828043593598457,0.06952668399084229,0.12478892978529305,0.0,0.07527266695343582,0.0,0.03813003080642862,0.04050432750930925,0.0,0.03809584610972979,0.1396184663105845,0.04002325260387548,0.08919976934764985,0.04234622845470929,0.0,0.0,0.07651604730538973,0.04093459037847202,0.11793216659948864,0.0,0.0,0.0340002468747983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031725957939228264,0.0,0.0,0.044977572524938295,0.0,0.032933882331809834,0.0447516938651932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061300277788066286,0.0,0.0445676068482347,0.0563599618479915,0.0,0.1271794604136521,0.16642804851925186,0.045605874831973064,0.0416213907423942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037523460571204884,0.041381148791201854,0.029934564199761312,0.0,0.0,0.036654636443340924,0.13658955816083518,0.04622618239579539,0.10580045789143253,0.0765320540360184,0.07823251441078508,0.18964335493986595,0.04643078272173473,0.0,0.03773824905278773,0.03804320937002822,0.08846783840574689,0.0,0.04330531826621881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687716267450557,0.04384860421381288,0.09855015440954368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035796839340221,0.036907226164511565,0.0,0.04445000502060587,0.0,0.0,0.043175706428971984,0.028984476620993814,0.0,0.0,0.19797503603400446,0.0,0.33864168684333457,0.10255355658672967 ptsd,Jimmyray81,2019/07/16,"Was anyone else sick of Hollywood's take a mental illness? I was just watching one of these superhero shows, the main character faced a traumatic situation and was having some pretty severe panic attacks after. The main villain found out about this and used it to try to defeat the hero. Hero instead of crumbling through sheer willpower overcame their mental illness and defeated the bad guy. Is it just me or is it exhausting seeing these constant cultural confirmations that suggests that somehow our illness is related to our lack of effort? That somehow our willpower can cure us of all mental illness? Like if I just punched the person that used to have used me all my problems would be solved? What did he split your cured because you tried. Sorry, I know this is a bit of a rant, but I figured this would be a good place for it.",6.822727272727271,7.9354756883116915,6.4302857142857155,76.38971428571429,64.84415584415585,8.757402597402598,35.52987012987013,8.841846274778883,3.210269610389611,672,31,111,10,10,209,100,154,0.209,0.7090000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9275,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,4,2,1,5,7,12,2,1,10,0,15,7,1,3,2,25,22,6,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,2,14,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,8,0,1,5,2,14,4,15,13,7,4,0,2,2,0,12,2,0,5,3,87,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765866178882948,0.15775937274968493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751618952759065,0.0,0.0,0.1285576324006401,0.09385803585078208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809420328884778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16638572410276795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862129129410188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16881899396586314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914184064717085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245345612445987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461730199032072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522144610301479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4654934285263718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433333750750896,0.0,0.0,0.18064937492490954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443973828121816,0.1608647701644818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566417633358012,0.0,0.14732748023099235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269330959700525,0.0,0.0,0.17394107504317802,0.0,0.0,0.17306753797348426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723556210817156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157654801171966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20906960497492352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852056753777447,0.39893918291846187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21875023271954505,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,strawberrybush,2019/05/08,"Insight into bf's lack of emotional vulnerability? This is probably a pretty common problem on this sub, but I'd like some advice if I could. Myself and my bf have been dating for almost 10 months and we have a very good relationship. He is loyal, dependable and thoughtful, and very kind to my family as well. Our sex life is great. The only problem is - he has difficulty being emotionally vulnerable. For context, we are from different ethnic backgrounds. As a young person in his home country, he experienced some utterly horrific things, that I can't detail here for privacy reasons, but some of the worst things you could imagine. He has no active signs of PTSD except occasional nightmares but has been diagnosed with it and sought treatment for it in the past. The problem is, as I said, he has issues with being vulnerable. He is entirely socially competent and likeable, but there is almost a shell through which you can't go further. In recent months he's gotten a bit better with sharing difficult memories with me, and I know he trusts me as much as he can trust anyone. But I'm also feeling very insecure because I told him I loved him a couple months ago and he didn't reciprocate. It was after sex (my bad) and I immediately told him he didn't need to answer right away. He wasn't freaked out, he kissed me and we cuddled. I know actions speak louder than words, but I really want to hear the words. I know I just need to communicate with him like an adult about this but when I tried about a week ago, I was so overwrought that I just started crying. When he asked my why I kept saying ""nothing"" (I know) until I blurted out “I don’t think you care for me in the same way I do for you”. That isn’t even really true, it’s just what came out. He just said “that’s not true” and tried to help distract me. We were in public which made this even worse and I felt horrible about how I handled this, or rather, failed to handle it. Now I’m even more afraid to bring this (his lack of verbal expression/vulnerability) up, because it’s so important that I do it in a healthy way without threatening him. Help!",4.576479674796747,5.9695689731707295,5.655609756097566,78.85650406504067,70.2439024390244,8.686178861788617,28.300813008130078,9.120678840339163,2.337286178861789,1669,60,317,33,30,553,213,410,0.14,0.649,0.21,0.9883,1,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,5,4,0,3,21,27,0,3,15,0,33,7,0,4,2,80,61,33,0,12,17,0,2,2,2,0,2,5,1,2,23,26,0,1,12,0,0,4,10,11,1,0,18,8,48,16,50,39,10,38,0,1,0,5,50,15,0,8,19,219,71,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382581315959984,0.1702249432973654,0.0,0.19229249186152692,0.0,0.0,0.07678403351453919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713668351492498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897620841360849,0.0,0.09021027842291568,0.0,0.08016942563190367,0.11706103612185627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491843008064986,0.10482470373849452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981682945658644,0.09789480420666184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332207198838874,0.10623997875656643,0.10546916771318632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745431153597896,0.0,0.10031637941420654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21601035857618045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025316824213406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051542565442974,0.0,0.048548620716706535,0.0,0.0921905049717183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054568157371503806,0.0805337419210201,0.0,0.10585807961323136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082171131202042,0.0,0.1287151241179964,0.0,0.0963119682369106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021585354254668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998598372378507,0.2110717309399228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781900481092602,0.09381722448786896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665827110724401,0.09085274715007016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299173840609579,0.0,0.07058287485082712,0.14238943015134925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213002916055872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730245640764292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165822358299723,0.0,0.08383754740068664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976828832493126,0.10352158603177927,0.2756232963229842,0.1122376725542916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302073342514523,0.09872053330300824,0.0948043066807998,0.10308534902583953,0.0,0.08199721733820654,0.18266658055992246,0.07635584959711171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787631347812954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796068360680399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275776492469516,0.0615232343384565,0.0,0.07622605138237484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349497981259025,0.0,0.13037724664759118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376699927971068,0.056632778333680536,0.1524262081688271,0.07701831683107553,0.0,0.08632999713824507,0.0,0.08663958804110783,0.0,0.0,0.09255608566085126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784859990814604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_no_u_22,2019/05/08,"Guilt or anxiety? Hello everyone. I hope you're all having a lovely day. I have had PTSD for over two years now, from a car accident. A lot of times when I am doing social events, even if I am just out with one person somewhere, I get that guilty feeling in my stomach. I don't hyperventalate like when I have a panic attack and I was just wondering if that happens to anyone else as a result of PTSD. Are they related? Is it guilt or anxiety? And how do I make it subside??? Thanks for reading and caring💛Good luck to you all on your own journeys.",1.5757305194805191,3.6577356964285737,3.7630519480519484,86.21831168831172,80.42857142857143,6.572727272727272,22.68181818181818,7.686295010490155,1.1179357142857147,426,14,87,7,11,146,81,112,0.196,0.6829999999999999,0.12,-0.7827,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,1,0,7,9,1,3,5,0,12,2,1,3,2,21,20,11,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,4,0,2,2,1,13,5,13,18,4,13,0,0,0,1,7,4,0,8,8,67,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961227905497448,0.0,0.0,0.13533116417357988,0.1983097246312216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22018537860925452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248205134476374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16168201238171073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12783464716025267,0.0,0.0,0.1849405417272728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786216739694753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011192742457733,0.0,0.0,0.1623363633534775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17115120434346345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922338558353293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455631068412022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454503779956875,0.17468191903768845,0.0,0.12919279042845944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311511010112819,0.0,0.0,0.2270833559474371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899602865652946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524874955292856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19359737606602734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972947538445044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819023244627685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285764597116255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890653418509396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989129646676416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463663440386973 ptsd,deeps94,2019/05/08,"I keep having nightmares about this--I don't know what to do I still have nightmares and flashbacks about this. I don’t know what to do \---------------- TW: self mutilation &#x200B; I still recall Monday evenings at approximately 4:30 PM. My heart would race half an hour prior to the honk that would seize me from the sanctuary of my house to the carpool. The car led me to a garage, with a hard red carpet and mirrors. Sometimes, the teacher would be there, ready to pounce. Otherwise, the dread and sickening feeling and my stomach extended until she arrived. Afterwards, I would shut my eyes in relief. I had survived that week. Then there would be next Monday and the Monday after that...until summer vacation started. This cycle started when I was enrolled in a classical Indian dance class at six years old. It began almost like an accident. My mother asked me while I was in the car whether I wanted to join dance classes. I immediately said yes. The next week, I was in. In retrospect, I think my parents wanted me to have some part of my culture stay recurring--besides going to the temple and celebrating holidays. They wanted me to become the perfect Indian child while growing up in a culture quite different from their own. What they didn’t realize was the level of dissociation I had from my culture. And as my dissociation progressed, my interest in dancing waned. Perhaps it reflected in my performance or my mood. Maybe I just did not fit in with the crowd to begin with. Regardless of the reason, my dance teacher grew to dislike me. I remember her scowl whenever I would enter the room, the way she would yell at me for a mistake. Yet when another girl would do the same thing, her tone instantly shifted to become patient--almost motherly. When I voiced this to my own mother, she told me to stop complaining and suck it up. In all fairness, that was her standard response to everything. But one day, it all culminated. After a series of mishaps on a bright, hot afternoon in June, my dance teacher exploded. Her shouts wouldn’t stop, and as she screamed, I continued to make blunders out of nervousness. By the end, I was told that she would be in contact with my mother. I couldn’t stop crying the whole ride home. After I finally calmed down, I told my mother that five years had been enough, and I wanted to quit dancing. My mother’s reaction was expected: “Well, if she says you’re doing something wrong, you must be doing something wrong. Why quit when you’ve been in this for so long?” I sought out my father’s intervention, as he tended to be more understanding of these issues. But he refused to interfere. As far as my parents were concerned, if the teacher was criticizing me, it was a fault of mine, not hers. Reflecting now, it was a reasonable assessment of the situation, given my age. Yet back then, I felt betrayed. My parents were supposed to be my biggest supporters, and they had failed me. So my dance classes continued, and the more I danced, the more I grew to dread Monday nights. Mondays meant two hours of witnessing an instructor bestow preferential treatment on others. To add insult to the injury, the dance teacher had developed a habit of playing favorites towards girls whose parents supported her business, either monetarily or through performing favors such as creating a website for her. My mother insisted me and my brother spend weekends studying, so we never had the chance to go and support the dance teacher’s performances. It was not the ideal situation, but by no means, a fault of a young girl. But, of course, my dance teacher didn’t care. So the treatment continued and my resentment grew. Then came the plot twist. In tenth grade, she arranged a performance for all of us to participate in. The training was extensive; my entire winter break was swallowed by it. But the pride of performing on stage...in the end the sweat and tears were worth it. I remember being proud of the work I had put in. From that day, I vowed that despite the favoritism and unfairness of it all, I would work my ass off until my potential was recognized. One day, despite everything, the dance teacher would acknowledge based on my merit that I was a good student. I increased my practice time and focused on improving my performance. The first hint came in January 2011. I was scrolling on Facebook and noticed a photograph containing members of my dance class. They were at the movies--all of them except me. *They probably met there through another extracurricular or something*, I thought. I shrugged it off, though the seed of doubt had been planted. Something was wrong with me. I would have been invited if there wasn’t. Something was wrong with me... The next punch came in March. Towards the end of a dance class, I overheard a comment made by one of the girls--the girl with whom I carpooled with for classes: “She wasn’t too happy with us when we performed at \_\_\_\_\_.” I froze. A week ago, my mother had told me that my dance teacher and a cohort of students had performed in the local \_\_\_\_\_. She asked if I had known. “No,” I had replied, “because I’m sure she would have said something in class if she were performing.” But now, the situation had shifted. She didn’t mention this information not because she had forgotten or because it was irrelevant. She didn’t want me to know the truth: that she was excluding me from performances. “Mom, please talk to her or something,” I said in the car one day. I explained the whole situation. I didn’t want to quit--I had already gotten so far! I just needed someone to mediate on my behalf and to gain an understanding of the situation. All I wanted was help navigating this hurdle. I will never forget her response. It was said with her back to me as she drove down the hill in our neighborhood, the window overlooking the sunset. I didn’t see her eyes in that moment, but I wish I had because perhaps her expression would have prepared me for the words that came out of her mouth: “Well, if she’s excluding you, that’s probably a problem with you.” There it was again. Something was wrong with *me*. But this time it was my own mother saying it. So it needed to be true. My mother, my advocate when I needed her, had abandoned me. And it hurt like hell. I tried to transfer to another dance academy. My parents refused to let me. I tried to push the whole incident at the back of my mind. Yet after every dance class, I cried myself to sleep. At the end, I decided to suck it up. One more year of this couldn’t hurt. But I knew all the other girls were complicit in enabling the teacher’s actions. I couldn’t look at their smiles and hear their words without remembering as such. I received comments from the teacher on how I must eat a lot of white rice due to my weight. I subsequently started monitoring my eating and skipping breakfast. But it was dance that instilled in me a distaste for my own culture and identity. More so, I had lost faith in my parents as my supporters. I needed them to support me when events were occurring beyond my control, and they had failed me. And it tore me apart--quite literally, as I started sinking blades into my skin. I just wanted all the hurt to stop. I resented myself for not being good enough. When my parents found out, they said my self-mutilation was “stupid”. How much I wanted one person--just *one*\--to tell me that I was good enough, that everything would turn out all right! Back then I didn’t know exactly what I wished for. Dance progressed. At some point, my parents said I could stop going. I spent my Monday nights crying over why people hated me so much instead. And as I moved my dance clothes to the back of my closet, I could feel every inch of me scorched in emotional, burning pain. **I get nightmares at least every week about something that happened. I don’t know what techniques would be helpful, why I can’t just move on. I don’t know what to do.**",4.5210953091589445,6.612527735733696,4.987856379187456,80.79224697077692,71.57472826086956,8.005577334283677,30.27209550962224,8.723557144147671,2.564823173556664,6225,268,1115,117,122,1980,533,1472,0.105,0.804,0.092,-0.9723,12,0,9,0,0,0,258.0,5,3,12,29,53,62,8,5,88,1,121,15,9,8,17,204,205,88,0,50,34,21,8,2,0,20,1,13,5,7,58,53,5,12,30,23,3,45,28,32,2,12,95,28,217,29,192,74,33,219,2,7,7,1,120,74,4,16,99,833,275,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030529754062304782,0.0,0.06897511458476159,0.0,0.038006357530256406,0.0,0.0,0.037316669295314,0.04184942795690665,0.0,0.1083427684675074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439513034249887,0.0,0.0,0.13241451929860576,0.0,0.08397934107308141,0.07607447218579819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756472489956372,0.0351147633068781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03862836534771656,0.054996465963880206,0.0,0.11349503859071836,0.08884605018670433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035983379786903184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048321832874492,0.0,0.03874134421487644,0.12201755631191068,0.1067598789787058,0.0,0.02274787044912293,0.0,0.08705375761774825,0.0,0.09285970217450752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03482867837896012,0.0,0.033068637170869976,0.03772829067959847,0.0,0.029295387243976238,0.0,0.03776263733137657,0.0,0.0,0.01799393358178247,0.0,0.05872062196930475,0.08666210557418072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030455948446713538,0.036662947561721664,0.030852255503186418,0.034003229756913014,0.0,0.0,0.038817364657551735,0.040812597913269785,0.04616997964342732,0.0,0.03454700170929532,0.0,0.06783464061981917,0.03974014096734877,0.11060899405536358,0.0,0.0,0.035947321262468114,0.0,0.030612628571186136,0.0,0.0,0.11356681183633345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03521812399643067,0.0,0.033652139750391184,0.0,0.0,0.03047908700810373,0.02892165745093104,0.0,0.0375962791006111,0.029280396872518943,0.0,0.03258878484724785,0.02298954880317499,0.0,0.03460048404645244,0.03751620516213285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034775461680360775,0.04033673181395843,0.0,0.07321039061480611,0.050636005945188425,0.10214987767094644,0.05312584579253895,0.0,0.10988477096559364,0.06464084861371078,0.0,0.0,0.03921115985988306,0.03613990049384731,0.0,0.16336617849205987,0.0,0.036647514962800935,0.0,0.3059400911854248,0.0372961070107041,0.0,0.023876963413205717,0.03007244007546568,0.0,0.037805733914028514,0.032557755329965674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426616805902295,0.03295526216696625,0.0,0.03462258794663076,0.0,0.1831605283798603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082190293053385,0.0,0.0,0.1170443788515144,0.029412315617643608,0.19656693097513614,0.05477752588458012,0.0,0.0,0.02744491508008214,0.0,0.07185867937111151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935649098717075,0.03446574374455832,0.0,0.029181638199086507,0.2386283858396656,0.03406290202968053,0.0,0.09750970292513864,0.036709385939072164,0.055009048074597805,0.1439705514110558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954154611099566,0.032460113288310666,0.0,0.0,0.027682267480196338,0.030102839261390592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02288098430176829,0.022068319449394014,0.03383798085180098,0.0273422044591808,0.04016549764519898,0.0,0.0,0.13163891253139667,0.0,0.04676618124663536,0.03746177765881562,0.03364372647309626,0.07170832258266452,0.08285625434323649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828270622166974,0.02733756027701956,0.11050555696941963,0.041939702403945636,0.06193295834972711,0.0,0.09323258731831327,0.11535600741543073,0.07921060378909965,0.03319977057955803,0.0,0.0501467284945377,0.0,0.0,0.3914529051636345,0.18827842887825805,0.04184942795690665,0.06653637512871723 ptsd,RemIsAMess,2019/05/08,"My Story Hey y'all! So I've decided if I shared my story with the world, it might help me. So, I've started drawing it and posting it on Instagram. If you're interested in it, I would love for y'all to see it! TW for emotional abuse, emotional manipulation, and sexual assault. Here's the link if you're interested, or just follow @remy.story on Instagram! https://instagram.com/remy.story?utm_source=ig_profile_share&igshid=pskwq5eamg9a",7.921146881287727,11.592358056338027,7.4783903420523155,59.51183098591551,67.02816901408451,10.254325955734409,29.86116700201207,10.290406445055957,3.935251911468813,366,14,53,11,7,115,47,71,0.126,0.642,0.23199999999999998,0.7633,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,2,0,0,4,5,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,13,6,8,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,4,7,4,0,7,0,0,1,1,6,4,0,5,1,33,12,0,0.0,0.33397298436919914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30540888595965915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6341375583983796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893328791069197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254401061213887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29902232539673423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26995607080956563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22461599864481704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19951090426205015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002342350103418,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kulthos_X,2019/05/08,"Hiding PTSD I have been dealing with PTSD and dissociative amnesia for the past 25 years. I was involved in a tragic event when I was in college. While I could remember the rough outline of what happened I my brain worked overtime to hide a few very key details. Being reminded of the event would make me freeze and lose the ability to speak, and it would take a lot of alcohol to sleep that night. I would also sometimes randomly wake up in the middle of the night very upset and not know why. Because of the amnesia, that I was very successful at avoidance, and that I froze up and didn't act out when triggered, I was able to hide what was going on from almost everyone. (I froze in public situations a few times that were embarrassing, but nothing terrible.) My girlfriend at the time was a saint. She knew the whole story , including the parts I was pretending weren’t true, and had her own trauma in her past. She helped me when I was triggered and when I would wake up at night upset. We split amicably after I graduated and are still friends. A few years later I met a wonderful person and we got married. While I was great at hiding things from strangers and co-workers it was impossible to hide the avoidance behaviors and being triggered from her. At some point my mother explained the event in detail to my wife. Once after being triggered my wife straight-out told me that I had PTSD. I very grudgingly agreed that she may possibly have a point. About 20 years after the event intrusive thoughts about what had happened started to become a problem. Then one day the amnesia broke, and the memories slowly filtered back over the course of the next two years. My wife was amazingly understanding and supportive through this period. Quite honestly, she was relieved that I was facing the event for the first time. Now things are much easier. When I look back on how things progressed, I have no idea if therapy would have helped. Before the amnesia broke, I would have sworn up and down that nothing was wrong, and I would almost certainly not have cooperated with any therapy. After the amnesia broke the PTSD was much less severe and I went through the normal grief I should have gone through in the 90’s. The grieving process was very helpful in getting over the PTSD. I guess the takeaway is that cooperating with therapy and accepting help from others is extremely important to recovery. I now wish I has sought help shortly after the event. I was in hardcore denial and managed to drag things out for decades. I am just incredibly lucky to have had understanding and supporting partners when I needed them.",7.0885093167701845,7.913872706004144,6.739931677018635,75.41648136645965,64.175983436853,10.249523809523813,34.319461697722566,10.203070172399654,3.5314127536231883,2099,88,368,46,30,657,229,483,0.11599999999999999,0.738,0.146,0.9696,1,2,1,0,0,0,45.0,2,0,1,6,16,28,0,5,37,0,52,6,5,6,2,73,77,33,2,14,5,4,4,0,3,9,1,1,0,2,20,27,1,2,10,1,0,4,5,16,0,3,32,6,50,12,61,32,11,76,1,7,1,0,30,29,0,10,43,276,70,6,0.07011835184020407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493519376470763,0.14042680158605206,0.0,0.0,0.05607362063354844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04768288371207746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783336883511777,0.0,0.04274349646677631,0.07744021068838389,0.05966555295537303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827527018490647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598379836218552,0.0,0.0,0.045220536190414336,0.07228894186075309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700109003926924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964263425530096,0.0,0.0,0.054173264695649495,0.0,0.03663394480826,0.0,0.03984987522884025,0.0,0.05608005139995405,0.07730573044335241,0.07724326976487031,0.0,0.1240108539257588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23499426603533344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915508439247074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03853521241805615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888175578759997,0.07844450012940535,0.0,0.05961211527855105,0.0,0.0,0.04680454433126148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103090113047033,0.05199186942310124,0.0,0.0,0.07457166265741512,0.19740396976383576,0.06870109726765912,0.13456089938616528,0.0,0.0,0.07467375629437305,0.047514009884131084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593134205943576,0.13387180177672633,0.0,0.061224640235955835,0.0,0.0,0.13256901348644914,0.07904790622387033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709379302081361,0.4098230050919427,0.0,0.0,0.0745794982205871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943042387916281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921377918408037,0.0,0.0,0.07881596531216625,0.07016899047532818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934884289157589,0.0,0.04963013032967276,0.0,0.055996606355154514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591389494564018,0.0,0.0,0.05272027424727772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24055933861269105,0.0,0.18633406914834447,0.0,0.0,0.05566613906521748,0.12265972450461485,0.0,0.0,0.06700109003926924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849544115286843,0.14599135424429033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892749182801497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500041464157573,0.06327090632382698,0.07828463575888299,0.0806326441700519,0.0,0.07604036152206635,0.10209399049041694,0.0,0.0,0.3486704574743943,0.07666341037398404,0.0,0.1806156786584925 ptsd,avant-garde-history,2019/05/08,"This feels so minor after writing it but I need to get it out. While taking a practice LSAT, I had a question come up that triggered a flashback. It threw me off for the rest of my test... this feels like such a set back. I had to abandon my career associated with my undergrad degree after being blackballed from the industry by a scheming boss lady and the pond scum of a coworker who assaulted me and mentally and emotionally messed with me. After a year of suffering anxiety, depression, flash backs, nightmares, and various SN responses to certain places, people, thoughts, I’ve had the chance to process and work through via therapy and journaling. I made my decision to pursue a law degree that I was on the fence about. The LSAT is ranked out of 180 points with a 165 being high enough to get you in to most schools. The first LSAT practice exam I took I scored a 152. This last one, I hit a question that stated in quotations something that was said to me upon my termination, and I dove deep into memory lane. My mind started racing and I felt flighty and nervous all of a sudden and started rushing through the test just wanting to escape. I didn’t complete that section and did horrendous on what should’ve been my best session. I only got a 142. Of course these are just practice exams and not the end all be all; however, my GPA is not too great considering I spent most of my final semester coping... I need that high score to get in to law school. I’m so scared that something like this will happen on the actual test day next month. I’ve never been set off by something so small before and thought I was doing significantly better- even my therapist has increased the time between our sessions. I’m mad at myself because this is still getting to me. I don’t want them to have control over me any longer and I sure as heck do not want this to put another career in jeopardy for me. I never want another intrusive thought. I just want to process and move on.",4.992405458089667,6.297170747368423,5.611520467836257,79.8982358674464,69.15789473684211,8.576998050682262,31.70565302144249,8.94667605116694,2.7038693957115014,1564,67,289,28,27,506,209,380,0.125,0.7879999999999999,0.087,-0.9690000000000001,1,0,3,0,0,0,38.0,1,1,1,6,13,15,2,2,24,0,23,0,0,4,7,64,54,21,0,7,7,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,19,22,0,3,9,0,1,7,7,8,0,2,20,4,40,7,55,29,11,55,0,3,0,0,8,24,1,4,23,207,59,18,0.0,0.0,0.10177360357853954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092189652207842,0.21871777123968905,0.07978282477644959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160387678571006,0.0,0.06357522023444037,0.0,0.08874451046595884,0.0,0.10944764962764073,0.09223748692469087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983801959253424,0.10934780803196988,0.0,0.116971950620112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725948471856252,0.0,0.08982624305657103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731406601514832,0.092371444165623,0.10776115064405213,0.0,0.06888364948750811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546598104359882,0.0745059737169617,0.10013633658598647,0.11424640195436325,0.0,0.08871042197238645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179523250796067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341155762215323,0.114981909403236,0.0,0.0,0.0922247593375898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22037970290260034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501161222430746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190326185719777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868327840455893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051014508880123,0.0,0.10530483363327757,0.0,0.08324459792744925,0.11084551622607593,0.0,0.15466187009493462,0.1608722956500641,0.0,0.11091535013703374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067071934447272,0.07931849738371119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723026967407726,0.0,0.108962574152188,0.0,0.09858931680067988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048419111494496,0.2336610266301084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920523919231702,0.0,0.10441413283867952,0.21109743000008904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24086641611446805,0.0,0.0,0.14763632958410114,0.0,0.08328744430576304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829364340181594,0.0,0.07841433956382088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926658787059047,0.12109064087032614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483877555564252,0.06081329827051776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587185761135595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075695786003512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592556139021257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716040156794285 ptsd,albatrosscamus,2019/05/08,"Sexual Abuse or Repressed Homosexuality? So I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to childhood trauma and emotional abuse and for a while I've been wondering if there was some sort of sexual abuse. I knew how to masturbate from a very early age and had incredibly awful panic attacks from around the same time (which I'm having again now). I also struggle with serious depersonalization and lately I've been having panic attacks/psychogenic tremors in which I feel like my body is trying to calm itself down (which I used to do through excessive masturbation). Not to give tmi, but these tremors (which are spontaneous when i lay down) involve my whole body shaking and moving and a lot of pelvic thrusting that I don't feel I have control over. I've also questioned my sexuality for a long time due to really compulsive sexual feelings towards men (yet i genuinely only feel attracted to women in the real world). I also have OCD and have spent a lot of time ruminating and doubting myself. I feel so confused and conflicted, my body seems to think its sexual abuse but I keep wondering if its just repressed homosexuality? I feel so lost and can't stop doubting myself. I know you all can't ""diagnose"" me, but has anyone else gone through anything like this?",9.830458498023717,8.757754852173914,9.802806324110671,62.02270750988144,59.17391304347826,12.885375494071148,39.60474308300395,11.911945987284742,4.8731304347826105,1016,43,166,26,11,336,134,230,0.207,0.731,0.062,-0.9861,0,0,0,0,4,0,24.0,0,1,0,2,14,17,1,9,7,1,17,5,3,3,1,52,36,25,0,2,8,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,10,13,0,6,13,0,1,3,4,13,0,0,9,6,22,4,26,27,6,28,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,14,19,119,32,0,0.0,0.4831241442379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445617246653916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127811324479602,0.10444854366048577,0.08388710446122721,0.09074731499608586,0.0,0.11597031952838754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3396937180654385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143332473178158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693186169408906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515694709762903,0.11466764512741505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092605029756742,0.0728252360884491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778916968680697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060805969840906,0.0,0.0,0.05602300394152762,0.0,0.1149916228658563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960448448234982,0.0,0.0,0.09021279988294263,0.0,0.0,0.11127845141637337,0.1733297708590406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834501565170844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752919678754258,0.0,0.239206885717306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916122625983833,0.0,0.11419500061599187,0.0,0.0,0.11602888991906975,0.0653047284245581,0.0,0.1006524563607046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092801429546105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522556164513233,0.0,0.10656876752543692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531838980976401,0.0,0.0,0.17832433761721986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920988396027783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804255903293222,0.0,0.08411034412463943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138112438592907,0.0,0.0,0.22109697629536498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,butterflyfrenchfry,2019/05/08,"How do I stop getting upset when people try to invalidate my trauma and call me an attention seeker when I’m only trying to reach out for help? I know I shouldn’t care about their opinions but it hurts in more ways than I can cope with. When someone doesn’t understand what all of these things have done to me they instantly assume I’m seeking attention. I’m not. My family has been telling me to tell my story so that I can find peace. So that’s what I did.. reaching out for people who feel the same as me. In doing so I’ve come across some really awful people who have tried to invalidate my feelings and last Saturday it hurt so badly I felt so dirty I wanted to take my own life. They won’t stop coming at me and right now I can’t even breathe. Every time I try to stand up for myself it’s getting worse and worse and I feel like I did Saturday night. I feel worse. I feel so sick. I don’t want to feel this way anymore.",2.24775,3.722965476923079,3.8072275641025652,89.47391826923078,76.28205128205127,6.926282051282049,21.41826923076923,7.645422480735847,0.6692115384615382,728,18,160,10,16,242,116,195,0.226,0.695,0.079,-0.9885,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,0,13,7,0,1,2,1,16,3,1,1,1,35,36,17,0,3,2,0,7,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,12,10,0,2,13,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,5,7,29,2,23,29,5,24,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,3,12,106,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237808576719415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303253583448796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600359519616852,0.0,0.12581292485173018,0.0,0.0,0.21259364435553602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627943830745247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815035001187608,0.0,0.10396850055635694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632905891248692,0.0,0.3743637276392136,0.08815586402387131,0.11848184556929267,0.0,0.11278393071722947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894117461235385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271136741717179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642011459282166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678165507308456,0.10058619133233357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715996139880443,0.06028624046978238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158010685977752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385006759994036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566468049925384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905219493032735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053815861487849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455509045316302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633322807553564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278026326278528,0.0,0.21571133603940346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198043464892509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195461767327281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33511773924632104,0.0,0.0,0.128462118931174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556718392527654,0.1958958621878912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37726063135390103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheThunderousSilence,2019/05/08,"I hate being scared/surprised I hate feeling like a killjoy but being jump scared makes me feel an overwhelming amount of dread. I’m having heart palpitations rn because my bf jumped out of a closet to scare me. I scare really easily and almost any loud noise will make me jump or cower. I also tend to scream or shriek. Sometimes friends will take advantage of that to play pranks on me but I don’t think anyone understand the fear that it fills me with. In the moments before I turn around and realize I’m not in danger I get to relive the shittiest experiences of my life. I half expect it to be someone from the karate dojo where I was abused and half expect it to be someone trying to sexually assault me. I would write more but I think I’m just going to go cry now.",4.348831168831167,5.528861155844158,5.271298701298704,82.20551948051948,70.55844155844156,8.197402597402599,25.688311688311693,8.575989854853784,1.6902155844155846,614,18,120,10,11,201,99,154,0.273,0.621,0.107,-0.9882,1,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,15,4,6,7,0,10,2,1,2,0,26,28,9,0,3,7,0,2,1,2,3,1,2,1,0,5,6,0,0,6,1,0,6,2,11,0,2,1,4,19,4,19,20,2,14,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,3,3,76,24,0,0.0,0.18839077965278556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921703644978422,0.0,0.0,0.12715344363678538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081264736968948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117754710892178,0.0,0.0,0.14154504698147433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692583976957724,0.0,0.13529856711677365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746556837196883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553397887026346,0.0,0.17892089470465206,0.16079187365890393,0.11359070473898975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284416596023573,0.0,0.08307172220627514,0.0,0.18072843546013825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31396212991941164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18841754533317026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230746303651916,0.07768010236020667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21226947439202185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186043359371233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775647243634102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26944291318856856,0.0,0.15725655105307335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954934145997345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037634844573876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079515826684508,0.17294797565425385,0.0,0.1655261709839818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295010498536699,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,inkedandnerdy,2019/05/08,"I hate free time. Does anyone else get this? I hate having free time. I work at a small university so it's very slow during the summertime. I'm a week and a half into the summer and I'm already so down on myself and upset with having nothing to do for 8 hours. I'm thinking of everything I can do to fill my time, but it's still not much. I just get so negative and unhappy when I don't have distractions. And then I'm mentally and emotionally exhausted so I sleep for 11 hours a day so I no longer have time to do anything productive after work. I just want to get back into a healthy routine but taking that first step is so hard. And I feel like sitting at work doing nothing all day is going to undo whatever positive steps I take. I just can't be trusted alone with my mind.",1.3768174846625776,3.4074916012269973,3.657971625766873,86.98180406441719,80.84049079754601,7.0197852760736215,23.070935582822088,8.07648339933343,1.33595736196319,613,21,129,12,16,211,96,163,0.174,0.6990000000000001,0.126,-0.8811,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,4,12,9,2,2,7,0,14,2,1,0,1,23,29,17,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,11,0,0,2,0,2,4,5,5,0,2,0,2,15,6,17,28,2,29,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,18,86,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297437245975834,0.16299245165016313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032764330093932,0.15133780246446688,0.12154587895007762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357345737420885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905106997932653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292547156354263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233857820002667,0.1661444843478789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13274472571137455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468239586235667,0.10551809347774888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563495423457352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315040593135056,0.0,0.0839422556220148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231167336670754,0.29164961560396296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909127603883139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215956905135658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884853074436888,0.0,0.14913656884998694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857771287617017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28344744740447786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780832565708735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795473430310452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22210652916297746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464125805773954,0.0,0.0,0.3445040965963712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121869335830372,0.08711826428563357,0.0,0.11847736024870105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225856968687254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AwesomeWookie,2019/05/08,"I got referred to a counselor that I worry might give me problems and I need advice I'm sorry to anyone named Michael &#x200B; I used to be abused by my mom's boyfriend named M (name above). Even though my brain is blocking large portions those five years from me, I still get worried about people with the same name to the point I sometimes can't watch shows with a main character named that and it's stressful speak to people with the same name. I know it sounds stupid, but I just can't. So I had gone to a counselor today just to see if it would help me. It was a single session and she referred me to a counselor named M. I'm excited to begin counseling but I'm just worried that I might freak out at him just because of his name. Would it be in any way sane if I asked to see someone else or just stopped counseling all together? I don't like talking about the experience but I don't know how to politely explain the situation",4.321060728744936,5.199061810526316,4.704736842105267,87.36354251012148,70.3684210526316,7.530364372469636,29.878542510121456,7.61054688173877,1.6954291497975706,744,29,155,8,13,235,109,190,0.141,0.8220000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.9129999999999999,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,12,6,1,1,10,0,13,1,1,2,1,44,29,12,0,6,11,1,0,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,9,7,0,2,5,1,0,1,4,4,0,1,4,5,22,2,22,19,6,11,0,0,3,0,18,4,0,5,6,101,31,1,0.0,0.16606324445067558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369598956804317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518601589356723,0.17030621705836074,0.09531163396749333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800110290430762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102796837395145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543846706780338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156461675967823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708327220825702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925724424790957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710053751633738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322629980673426,0.13445146125698346,0.0,0.0,0.11209643620100082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394434952408888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405335310788196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684736792903111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973690678146178,0.0,0.16415030118946136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392471348131126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433457097340567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324937619665372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411141575463945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22337412447260768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15754245238161066,0.0,0.0,0.11875465572360308,0.0,0.1386189553816125,0.15689439825005935,0.0,0.0,0.11192964084494897,0.11717761114379407,0.16054948413083475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265296765835155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770363880953365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285254234786287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210507334574392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125018194223006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42700901430790095,0.0,0.19912716460417426,0.0,0.17030621705836074,0.09025657695660903 ptsd,Giaisbeautiful99,2019/05/08,"Need some help! I’m thinking about checking in! Hello everyone, My name is Gia and I’ve had a pretty traumatic life. My Father ran one of the biggest functioning carnivals in the States and I travelled to a new city every month as a child. I think my Father is a great man, but he taught me and my two sisters how to pick pocket as kids and how to entice men at the beer garden when I was just 14. Needless to say I have repressed a lot of memories and right now I feel as though all of my childhood trauma is flooding back and overwhelming me. I have seen a therapist but I got angry when he said I had complex PTSD, BPD and NPD. He prescribed medication but I have yet to touch it. Now that my Father wants me to run this God awful carnival, I seriously think I’m going to need medication and a lot of therapy. I really want nothing to do with a business that exploits its workers and travels ( so I live like a nomad and have no life). I am so overwhelmed with the responsibilities and trauma that I think the psych hospital would be the best place for me. Any advice? Anyone else grow up in a highly dysfunctional environment?",3.8720745798319314,5.315640776785717,5.405073529411767,79.77963235294119,72.03571428571429,8.306302521008401,27.908613445378148,8.841846274778883,2.196498739495798,890,33,172,17,17,301,135,224,0.129,0.773,0.098,-0.8481,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,13,9,0,3,16,1,14,5,0,3,1,37,31,24,0,5,4,4,2,1,0,1,4,2,1,4,6,13,1,1,6,4,1,6,1,6,0,2,8,5,24,3,24,21,5,25,0,2,1,0,16,9,0,3,10,118,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272079562516987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932069650458378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212329170637144,0.1496480280827892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230534381907407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327306974120325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394798899469866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200810814686006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305551576204048,0.13955940604282344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384852357641443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300499162861417,0.0,0.11681151246407333,0.16102337765038768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789590041636304,0.1543124666790711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20632237545670035,0.07135386559068613,0.0,0.12896701791996232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24833719559950146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942650213893166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657769817004875,0.0,0.0,0.2165921304113512,0.0,0.14105839778234108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014129608872686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896894206132678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259375860540672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858788159488553,0.0,0.0,0.17072753634245305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356496022561912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247280221025342,0.13892935661157085,0.11614679626169165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702374242550844,0.16957818926462567,0.0,0.3743381339752296,0.14349582258177515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426720532208187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229107662510648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375149317141452,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DaTwatWaffle,2019/05/08,"PTSD Diagnosis I received a PTSD diagnosis yesterday. I know that it’s correct, it makes sense for me. But I struggle because I know it’s not as bad as others. I don’t dissociate, I can still make it to work most of the time, I don’t have any triggers beyond the “unknown”. Does anyone else struggle with PTSD but also feel like they’re not “struggling enough” to justify the diagnosis when others struggle worse?",3.7683001808318255,5.990084202531648,5.092441229656419,78.65341772151898,74.0632911392405,7.552260397830018,30.273056057866178,8.418075326091056,2.5020980108499105,328,15,59,6,7,109,53,79,0.134,0.7609999999999999,0.105,-0.302,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,4,4,0,4,0,0,3,1,13,9,6,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,1,8,1,8,9,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,40,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257251242189025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423102325255193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071721762642159,0.15704649326614295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797670908056222,0.093433912282354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413039900207527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280400803136568,0.0,0.0,0.15837217487557373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749952878859079,0.10949839555586482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846987048189346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488153713459943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20462208527380465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5375044609017575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240416528310295,0.0,0.0,0.6409376577223151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937482804235862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158470575110313,0.0,0.15619847224403496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anekc18,2019/05/08,"How do you express your PTSD feelings? I finally found a therapist who is well versed in my trauma and general PTSD related issues. One thing she said was that I was holding on to my pain and experience internally and I need to find ways to express it and release it. I'm struggling to find ways to do this. What are some things you do to express your anger/feelings around your trauma and PTSD?",4.254848484848488,5.947629571428571,5.046168831168831,81.74163419913421,71.46753246753245,8.25021645021645,31.01515151515152,8.841846274778883,2.588655411255411,315,14,60,6,6,102,49,77,0.15,0.823,0.026000000000000002,-0.8738,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,5,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,15,12,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,4,2,11,1,9,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,1,45,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561917467721688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716282156121759,0.0,0.0,0.17743018317582734,0.0,0.0,0.19220188183298745,0.320724557573591,0.0,0.0,0.19237685639418545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831289642082153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300973246051544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889254292598585,0.0,0.18669601016835333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6152909343215461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689745439923465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834231894560529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203716254074558,0.2331284116918129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785353078721459,0.0,0.0,0.15775471042925435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dogssing,2019/05/08,"Emotional breakdown after psychological assessment Hello everybody. Yesterday I got a psychological assessment at a mental health clinic. The counsellor concluded a 60 minutes appointment by saying that my case is a complex one and that I am probably suffering from different forms of PTSD at the same time. He told me that he needed to assess my case with his superiors due to the complex stories of symptoms I shared. Since then, I am extremely down. I can barely do anything and I do not know what to do. My emotions are all over the place. I have been living with my past for so long and being diagnosed creeps me out. I realize how much crap was done to me. This medical acknowledgement is a relief but also a trigger of symptoms. Have you experienced that? How do you cope? Thanks so much for reading this. Cheers.",3.9945050335570467,6.948629738255033,5.385499161073827,73.03784605704699,77.12080536912751,9.094127516778524,30.11786912751678,9.516144504307137,3.651513087248322,657,31,106,20,16,219,99,149,0.026000000000000002,0.867,0.107,0.8967,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,1,5,7,1,0,10,0,16,7,1,4,1,20,21,10,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,2,18,5,19,15,5,13,0,1,0,0,9,6,1,0,7,87,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214014718831214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462664534890014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18040430479907965,0.0,0.18570247332258105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818916922525094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39987146750247976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215644843786762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18893134668907527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768230949150243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694936951324331,0.15729600375335187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790562824578793,0.17912204746957833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613215211824235,0.13179337964799892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044252327798947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967477214699225,0.0,0.0,0.18570247332258105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19163584930633265,0.0,0.20777078992496234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777900169620716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134750681425198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702995086955367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694838168422973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16364087723117834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10364274144226628,0.0,0.0,0.1698400191098275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Calliopexox,2019/05/08,"Breakdown I don't really know what to do with myself at the moment. I had a breakdown yesterday in therapy and have been scrambling to try not to confront the negative emotions/flashbackd accompanying this by myself. I've tried contacting my friends but none of them seem to really understand or be able to handle me even mentioning how I'm feeling. Which leads to me feeling even worse. I hate feeling needy and weak and all I want is someone to hold me and tell me I'm not as worthless and broken as I feel. I've been in therapy for a year and my therapist brought up doing a trauma narrative which i guess we'll get into over the coming weeks but I don't know what to do in the mean time. Aside from trying to avoid the overwhelming self loathing and nightmares I'm sure are soon to return. It sucks reaching out to people n telling them how alone you feel and then having them only make it worse.",5.791976506639428,6.253534162921348,6.166976506639428,79.67000510725231,66.92134831460675,9.394075587334015,31.91215526046986,9.339509955726095,2.7488584269662923,723,28,138,13,11,233,111,178,0.221,0.687,0.092,-0.9859,0,2,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,3,1,5,10,3,2,8,0,14,1,0,4,2,37,35,16,0,1,5,0,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,7,12,0,2,10,0,0,3,6,8,0,0,4,5,20,2,26,29,2,19,0,2,0,0,11,8,1,3,8,96,27,1,0.1510285440446717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642002380454886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13009771771327575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19950585791476635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818228488449464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166842784864115,0.0,0.07890618079006267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637496837381766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910941970806327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660026761386077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081272590568266,0.0,0.0,0.16451435999949351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148640133528145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470417617343956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935055052438169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749071426284734,0.1575557095401481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796599526290034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14234261541270152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640112086951681,0.0,0.3454286047664195,0.17535578015987913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806595857182656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076154028969945,0.0,0.0,0.15722604065818052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908054829219535,0.0,0.12114598813129328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078219782220185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725743069944716 ptsd,unsoundasfuck,2019/05/08,"Why do I always try to get into trouble even when it scares me so much? I feel so impulsive and reckless even after almost 2years if the incident. I got into rash sexual behavior but managed to stop it around a year ago. Then I started smoking weed but had to stop for my job search. I got caught shoplifting recently and spent two nights in jail. Now I can’t sleep and my chest hurts. I am constantly scared of getting caught for someone else’s mistakes (like accident, etc).",4.442189440993785,6.042596728260873,4.927018633540374,83.14717391304347,70.84782608695652,8.300621118012423,29.447204968944106,8.841846274778883,2.385855279503105,377,15,71,7,7,120,72,92,0.28300000000000003,0.7170000000000001,0.0,-0.9785,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,2,0,4,3,3,0,0,14,13,10,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,5,0,1,6,1,10,1,11,7,2,18,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,13,45,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661354360309513,0.0,0.18767283079710315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559474347883087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684244503382886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202533114273404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656433764456454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090214762864145,0.2475766668888341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476456405547412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19583714925581205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997918311491841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063567516059952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598421521467975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156334668461592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377743644675571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17587982444819644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505343016049605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752777789303419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875541268183068,0.0,0.15879932004721506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265597374004415,0.0,0.0,0.31338097628273603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724504588304766,0.0,0.1830809103770404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911629351060228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069154647593293 ptsd,yahtzee301,2019/05/08,"Suspicious and Looking for Help I just got out of a very poor relationship. It was emotionally abusive and lasted for much too long. She led me on, she played with my heart, and then she left me hanging for months. The isolation was killing me, so even though I loved her, I had to let her go. But I’ve been having these episodes. I’ve been dealing with depression for the better part of 5 years now, so I’m no stranger to panic attacks and the like. But these are different. These manifest actual physical pain. I get flashbacks and headaches. I see scars on my hands and neck whenever I look in the mirror, and I’ve taken to tracing them when I’m not doing anything else. Even though they’re not real, it still sends shivers down my spine. I recently got out of a different relationship. It hasn’t been very long since I got out of the abusive one, so maybe that was the first red flag. But it got to the point where she wasn’t texting me as much, and I started to feel ever so slightly lonely. And I don’t know what happened, I just lost it. I ended things with her out of pure fear, and i haven’t spoken to her since. Anyways, I got in the shower, and I don’t know, I sort of just fell over. And I couldn’t get up, and I had this incredible headache and chest pain, and my whole body ached. And every time I tried to get up I’d fall back down. And I started crying, which was really weird. I’m not one to cry very often at all, so this sudden onset of uncontrollable sobbing was very strange to me. This sort of thing has been happening more and more often in the recent days. Just recently, I say the model car she used to drive and I started to get flashbacks and I had to pull over because I couldn’t think straight. I’m just curious, are these symptoms of PTSD? I’ve spoken to a therapist online who says it’s possible, I just wanted to see what I could find out from a support group. Any help would be appreciated",2.4810633484162885,4.3099863461538455,3.618401206636502,89.550814479638,76.56410256410257,6.844645550527903,24.03469079939668,7.724431198458867,1.0641387631975865,1505,49,322,22,34,487,193,390,0.157,0.768,0.075,-0.9863,3,3,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,1,3,25,17,2,3,14,0,28,10,6,2,3,60,61,33,1,5,12,0,2,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,20,28,0,0,5,1,1,9,11,12,0,3,20,9,45,5,49,35,7,52,0,4,5,1,21,21,1,4,23,219,65,0,0.0,0.19839102578855988,0.08169946924568022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693304648763239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889512313961221,0.0,0.0,0.095244549156436,0.0,0.06437616313097237,0.0,0.051035450919478434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404428517152004,0.0,0.09299498687822004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684428345304202,0.0,0.18392683716694253,0.05399301989934857,0.08631251650699923,0.07210864235923357,0.0,0.0,0.17494093090664606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993802437413114,0.09417468372429078,0.07415182027984826,0.0,0.0,0.11059365896368006,0.07573029871160503,0.07053842397406565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420922802295434,0.042331775488757065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651933691282951,0.07121290921089644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496274725228075,0.0,0.0475804863780766,0.0,0.3347960447045803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148068136024624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920960612855934,0.1122326372146656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262471230769412,0.0,0.09202157542549323,0.06824366391906006,0.0,0.0,0.09096294461820008,0.0856102377431999,0.0,0.040901776666047863,0.0,0.0,0.14818062911152727,0.14060885074699234,0.0,0.0913911937043898,0.0,0.07556133258989432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410884309302791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682518088292154,0.0,0.12308891035118763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346282451712912,0.0,0.17816976673606108,0.0982283746302992,0.0,0.09066151815485128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914326085244584,0.09438267506991636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786518928464456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529265207170888,0.053633718022635925,0.0,0.2479927070964874,0.17976971484342644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315635479159732,0.0,0.0,0.13342935047226764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850949864085876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777413805181588,0.0,0.06685957611158842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500542440032267,0.0,0.08701801558809982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720635549757632,0.11124082055428823,0.053644937897514934,0.1645106131017157,0.0,0.04881829882290036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684095915034824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230793082033274,0.0,0.27631386506900146,0.049380724361154274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934713352036416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594728872407455,0.0,0.0,0.053913480209957794 ptsd,Silenthill-2,2019/05/08,"No Sleep Hello r/PTSD I got diagnosed with PTSD, Anxiety and depression coming up to 3 months now, and have been off of work during this time also, as that is where my causes for PTSD have taken place. I'm really struggling to sleep at all, like yesterday I went to bed at 4AM woke up at 6AM, gone through my entire day, and it's nearly 4AM the following day, my eyes are heavy and sting, so I know I'm tired, but it feels as though my brain is wide awake and won't be quiet, it's like as I lay my head down all my brain wants to do is talk about a million and one different scenarios, Its becoming a recurring theme until I literally pass out, I'm currently on some tablets at the moment to help with my sleeping but honestly it feels as though they're just a placebo cause they literally do nothing for me. I'm hopefully getting a phonecall from my doctor in the morning so I can explain my situation and ask for some new / stronger meds I'm just wondering if anyone has anyone else had a similar experience and if they found anything to help? Also just throwing this in; I feel like I have gotten my depression under control from my anti depressants, but my anxiety is still there, I felt for a while It was getting better, but it isn't, I couldn't be put on beta blockers as I have Asthma, has anyone else had a similar experience with anxiety getting better than worse again? Ive also never missed a day taking my tablets either. Thanks a lot <3",6.914252873563223,5.985469965517242,7.656206896551727,74.60614942528737,64.86206896551724,11.1816091954023,34.16091954022989,10.504223727775694,3.4229816091954026,1150,43,224,25,15,386,162,290,0.096,0.77,0.134,0.9378,2,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,2,4,16,13,0,1,12,0,24,11,7,3,3,44,54,28,0,5,10,0,4,3,0,1,4,1,1,0,10,13,0,2,8,0,0,7,5,5,0,2,12,6,28,8,40,38,6,41,0,4,1,0,8,18,0,7,19,153,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22361360926044271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21391006166118745,0.0,0.0,0.1955182012117892,0.1910038528054536,0.0767016924853954,0.0,0.08713627338774277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294017530445314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16486862154286352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081004161329423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191499210282338,0.0,0.08028986340691938,0.0,0.0,0.10453994845752568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033305493708615,0.0,0.2408380155110245,0.0946034800165648,0.0,0.09738182380717272,0.0,0.0954016538706178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572553162319205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18234931162994397,0.0,0.0,0.14138528293155403,0.06658733662948539,0.0894936556151144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219702865256504,0.0,0.0,0.1460909519925266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454641808018676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956576129838184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494981987360272,0.0,0.0,0.09257591167673704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051224312104100035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366091830442666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924154057039251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353233380194757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439720318049238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188724051512031,0.09002022209101879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894349489031963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315970041160597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738182380717272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268631498774358,0.09369911273299286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0597110036117396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476894644142673,0.2798239357663682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443549576394311,0.0,0.0,0.09744054092440033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008031389469961,0.07491652285871918,0.0,0.08581278853780376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18315146096976234,0.0,0.0543499448630976,0.10712811682174997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497609935292507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640413060071425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010793756333317,0.06785604781542219,0.0,0.09498623426877972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tree_is_free,2019/05/08,This sub saved my life. I thought my husband had mental illness and you guys told me he was abusing me and warned me of the red flags. I'm getting a divorce. Thank you guys so much. I didn't understand what was happening and he kept telling me not to go to therapy and not to go to the doctor when I was injured. I was confused and trapped in the house with him for a year. He was really dangerous and I didn't understand and I was isolated from my family. This group told me that it was starting to sound really fishy and warned me of red flags. You guys were right and I'm getting a divorce. I'm reconnected with my birth family and I'm going to be safe and recover. Thank you guys so much. You saved my life.,0.6809141494435593,2.9692845000000005,2.635023847376789,91.67690779014308,85.75675675675676,6.7255961844197145,22.89507154213037,7.928766900206844,1.272245151033386,558,21,123,12,17,186,72,148,0.153,0.76,0.086,-0.8588,0,1,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,5,0,0,3,7,1,1,6,0,12,5,0,0,0,23,31,14,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,4,5,13,0,2,3,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,15,3,23,5,13,15,2,9,0,0,2,0,20,2,0,1,4,77,28,1,0.0,0.16698744862887413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442551209347238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26572595946022354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472676632051654,0.0,0.2402934505695996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5581996531394079,0.12463023546406217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262252133770447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990961208294212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203147469151062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721000874262616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180575864205182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035953591738473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975602349778537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318526056898314,0.2595119410624658,0.16117388688319906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188833556821803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693429280937633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934410380897131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075888862593194 ptsd,Alice5221,2019/03/01,"Why am I scared of physical contact? (TW: Online csa, sexual abuse) When I was about 10-14, I went through lots of online csa and I'm currently in therapy for it, but nothing physical happened. Yet I'm terrified of physical contact and the idea of sex, and I have memories that always make me feel very uneasy and scared about when I was at a neighbors house at 7-8 without my parents there. I'm not sure if its because something physical happened and I blocked it out, like I did many things, or if it's common for non contact csa survivors. I'm not sure and just need some feedback and advice. ",3.845809792843689,5.312455313559326,5.023333333333333,82.40010357815444,72.13559322033899,8.295291902071563,32.602636534839924,8.841846274778883,2.827008286252354,469,23,90,9,9,155,76,118,0.188,0.7859999999999999,0.027000000000000003,-0.9608,2,0,1,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,2,0,5,1,0,1,2,25,15,13,0,3,8,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,1,9,3,14,11,2,10,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,5,6,56,15,1,0.0,0.2249665958029334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855401632954562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798823952269408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574386102382672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600469968988773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358053558717592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908613687212988,0.0,0.214341732534039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276158961604848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614218993876643,0.0,0.0,0.12674065348331665,0.19249982788653264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078725902907469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218675734563827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21082975255168532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801888482851557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461723026112697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579031502988709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171345269489361,0.0,0.12614214082997238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666381417870776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760127172706483,0.17132943239888632,0.0,0.0,0.18302928233929752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kelpiescottish,2019/03/01,"Prazosin for nightmares I’ve started taking Prazosin for nightmares for about three weeks and I think it’s too soon to see any benefits. However, I’ve noticed some side effects; the worst of which is nasal congestion. I’m breathing through my mouth when I sleep which irritated the sides of my mouth. I’ve been prescribed cream for my mouth but I was wondering if anyone has any ideas how to lessen the nasal congestion? ",4.792967032967034,7.324812435897439,4.18648351648352,84.89423076923079,72.07692307692308,7.534065934065935,31.655677655677657,8.418075326091056,2.579752380952381,342,16,61,6,7,102,53,78,0.062,0.9129999999999999,0.025,-0.4118,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,3,0,4,9,7,2,0,9,10,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,6,1,10,8,2,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,4,36,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335285540160205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228808523446883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598355070856601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629045905130942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254006402881079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189851222214133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22561637386876346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23966403122512164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042452827642108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556859708097923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34567611489872085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bob_apathy,2019/03/01,"My PTSD side is like Gollum from Lord of the Rings So when I think of the physical manifestation of my illness he’s sadly who I think best describes this part of my being. He was a vile and twisted creature ; just waiting for his chance to rear hid ugly head on a moments notice to take over and wreck havoc on all of those around him, even those who care about him. I don’t want this burden but it holds a power over me that I’ve not yet been able to control or cleanse from my soul. After I am triggered I feel ugly, twisted and slimy inside. And I worry that I’ll end up alone in a metaphysical cave with no light after having driven all those who loved and cared for me away. #melodramticmuch? I always wanted to be Aragorn and I end up as Gollum. Which is a hell of a kick in the ass of life. 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Like today, I went and had lunch with a friend and went with my cousin to a few stores and on the drive back home I was just done, I was tired and didn’t want to speak and my senses were overwhelmed and I felt like I was gonna snap and I was only gone for about 3 hours. Does anyone else deal with this? I’m contemplating texting my therapist and asking if there’s anything I can do to make it easier. It’s so frustrating 😭",3.3200862068965518,4.005381698275865,4.713275862068965,87.09681034482759,72.5344827586207,7.868965517241381,23.12068965517241,8.07648339933343,0.9621586206896549,431,10,96,6,8,144,79,116,0.095,0.738,0.16699999999999998,0.7436,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,1,1,5,0,12,3,0,1,0,17,21,11,0,2,2,1,1,2,1,1,2,1,1,0,3,12,1,0,1,1,1,6,1,4,0,0,12,2,12,5,14,7,2,14,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,7,62,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386969254245054,0.20324179767530892,0.16323220329328764,0.0,0.1854384881344799,0.0,0.0,0.1525254977212583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127924868974675,0.2044989775644234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358492284122412,0.20298968751132215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570313386964855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904553356447428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325134047371966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21115638807589854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19896982062083104,0.0,0.1953432368686919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938159573437277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324058869135035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017212643699901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940515160007452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022015840011488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303095902713743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22798399848614265,0.18802073254695545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699702490342492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36776076653800216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,itti-bitti-kitti,2019/03/01,"Complete numbness is destroying my life. Advice? Slight, possible TW for mention of court, effects of ptsd etc. Though I knew I had it for a long time, I was officially diagnosed with PTSD last year. I had the classic, textbook symptoms and then some. I had brief points here and there where I was numb for a while, but nothing to the degree I feel now. I believe (and I've spoken to a therapist about this) that my worsening mental health is because I am currently taking my rapist to court, it's past the GJ, and we are sort of in the waiting stages to see what comes next. I had to make a statement going into explicit detail about my abuse that went on for a long time, which was obviously very upsetting to me. Everything effected me harder in the following months after the investigation began and it got so overwhelming that I ended up quitting my job late last year because there would be days where I'd get so upset I would have to go home. I was seeing 2 therapists and though I've been taught some coping mechanisms, it hasn't helped the numbness at all. I've tried medication... again.. the numbness persists. Now, here is the problem: I can handle being numb. It's not pleasant, I'd prefer it otherwise, but I can handle it. What I can't handle is feeling nothing towards my family, but more importantly, my husband. I am, under normal circumstances, a very passionate, affectionate partner... but since this has happened, I feel absolutely nothing for him. I feel like I \*know\* deep in my heart that I love him like I know I love my family, but I can't \*feel\* it if that makes sense. We have had our share of issues during all of this and at it's worst, I came extremely close to having an affair. Simply because it felt like an escape from my life. Luckily, we recovered and that person is not in my life anymore, but... the numbness still remains. I keep thinking I'll find a way to flip a switch inside of me and I'll feel things again, but it's just not happening, and to be perfectly frank it's kind of destroying my life. Like I said, I can handle it... I would be able to endure it indefinitely if I had no one but me, but not being able to feel the love I desperately need and know would normally be there is driving me really crazy. It's a constant, daily struggle and worry of mine now. I guess the advice I'm looking for is... if anyone else has experienced this... how do you cope? Does it ever end? This is the worst it's ever been for me. There's a lot of advice out there for numbness but I guess I'd like to hear from people in relationships that experienced this. I just really need to see a light at the tunnel, honestly. Everything feels utterly hopeless right now. I just want to know that this isn't my life now. Thanks for anyone who takes the time to read this. 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My psych recently recommended an intensive outpatient program that she thinks would help me. If my insurance clears then I will most likely sign up. It’s a Monday through Thursday program, three hours every morning in a small group setting for six weeks. DBT is the basis of the program. Of course I’m afraid to do it but I’m also willing to give it a real shot if it can help me. The lady I talked to on the phone was very sweet and kind. I’d love to hear from anyone who has done something like this. 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I am new to this thread and wanted to share a recent experience and ask for your support. I experienced a significant trauma 2 years ago which involved a health care provider. I was left physically damaged and required surgical repair. Since then, I have suffered from psychological symptoms, which have been debilitating at times. I have sought support from counsellors paid for by my employer, but they have been terrible. I was forced to see a new one and had my second meeting with her a few days ago. I hadn't discussed my trauma in our first session as I wanted to get to know her a bit first, but before our second session I had suffered a psychological setback and needed someone to talk to. She really pushed for hypnosis. I refused. Then she encouraged me to tell her about my trauma despite my obvious discomfort in giving her details. When I did, she made me repeat myself over again because she wasn't listening. At one point, she suggested I seek out faith healing at a local church, despite my telling her about spiritual abuse I had suffered through an ex-partner. I will never go back to see this counsellor and am left wondering what is the point? &#x200B; TL;DR Counsellor wanted to hypnotize me, suggested ""faith healing"" &#x200B; What are your experiences with counselling? Have you found counselling beneficial? Did you have to see multiple therapists before finding a right match? Is it worth it? &#x200B;",6.862807692307693,9.128869665384617,6.9530769230769245,68.3669230769231,65.80769230769229,9.96923076923077,37.230769230769226,10.241411754978122,4.484600000000001,1203,63,180,31,20,385,146,260,0.142,0.7440000000000001,0.114,-0.9171,1,0,0,0,1,0,44.0,2,4,1,3,6,16,0,1,12,0,23,4,0,1,2,25,43,12,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,8,9,0,2,5,0,2,2,3,9,0,6,14,5,41,7,30,28,2,32,3,4,3,0,32,13,0,1,17,135,49,4,0.0,0.11050699648847444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16535241196565675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30316660569451925,0.3399914639634227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719272761946381,0.0,0.0,0.07171711930798481,0.0,0.05685513619509424,0.0,0.1587279197933704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182419368744612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950926561109202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014996330306292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737011793549397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049001207420642,0.15866694931029232,0.0,0.10226324051259124,0.0,0.0,0.04872853401349908,0.08947089529741678,0.0530061944102838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991392245511328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051257499536530235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20267130050969026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825217141489602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915683230045584,0.07193381513641225,0.18015708957619828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264012411917253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763362836467974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902497313712396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059749689439158364,0.0,0.09209062121417487,0.0,0.0,0.07965012294149765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22296689135242967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771520214641098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902543616107703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116782058838044,0.0,0.0969408722476868,0.0,0.07496506010476803,0.1630401957620497,0.0,0.0,0.21658202215409875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438515734421523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503515252929554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114486338340828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399914639634227,0.06006135352707871 ptsd,Jillz0,2019/03/01,"It happened again I'm being vague on purpose, so I apologize for the lack of details. I feel very vulnerable right now, but I also need support. My trauma happened 2 years ago. Yesterday, it happened again. This time it wasn't *as* bad, and it isn't *exactly* the same, but I am feeling retraumatized. How do I get through this again? How do I keep living my life knowing that life is fucking pain? I still am not over the first trauma and now I am here again. Has anyone been completely retraumatized? What do you even do? I'm at a loss and feel like I have no control over my life and never will. I have had an emegency therapy session, I am leaning on my support system. I'm eating even though I see no point in it. I'm not going to hurt myself. I just feel ao helpless and can't see the point in anything anymore. Life fucking sucks and I'm sick of being subjected to it. I'm so sad and angry and anxious and I don't know what I did in my life to deserve such shit all the time. ",1.1064367816091938,3.2385725172413795,3.11891625615764,89.91889983579641,82.44827586206897,5.640065681444992,24.44499178981937,6.868970318607317,0.9224489326765188,763,30,161,9,21,257,110,203,0.244,0.665,0.091,-0.9892,0,0,0,0,0,3,27.0,0,1,0,3,18,15,4,0,7,0,22,11,1,3,3,30,48,18,0,2,5,0,4,1,0,1,7,0,0,0,11,9,1,2,6,0,0,1,9,12,0,1,4,6,22,3,16,41,3,27,0,4,2,2,2,11,4,0,15,116,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110459014835152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965036301723428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407735359777698,0.1235793771536575,0.08713002661899287,0.0,0.1025431975113426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040439268613006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306509402262836,0.0,0.13976041773193956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750687154432225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460711437634776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25202571195949297,0.08902122222468165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599298008035124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23039939098506865,0.06510344539286474,0.0,0.07081858613512768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305759412043086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339730251706552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107588612272094,0.0,0.0,0.1369645071254078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4400777179539977,0.060878024047247216,0.0,0.11003268222735306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239654232095228,0.09610671243129312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259354761542694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355929609948802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10641603599279707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19859565693150036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791010608433687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951349828988558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828113095665497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14250209604857866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242843559344753,0.0,0.14532188144057925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281608461412996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024458623131334 ptsd,noone22k2,2019/03/01,"[F, 22] Delayed onset PTSD due to possible past sexual assault experiences. I'm confused. Please help. These are my past experiences which I think is and is close to sexual assault: ● I was in my teens (high school) when this happened. I was in the living room with my mom, dad, and sister. We were hanging out when suddenly my dad decided he wanted to touch my genital. I moved away because I felt uncomfortable, but he kept on reaching for it and he was eventually able to touch it. I felt violated, but they were laughing, including my mom so I dismissed the feeling. Please, don't misunderstand. My father is a bit emotionally and mentally abusive, but he never tried to abuse me sexually except for instances like I mentioned. ● This happened when I was in college. It was late and there were no seats left, so I had no choice but to stand up in the bus so I could go home. I felt something hard on my rear, which I didn't quite pay attention to due to the bus being so crowded. I thought it was a belt or a bag, but then my friend (who was standing as well) suddenly pulled me closer to her and told me the guy behind me was rubbing his crotch on my back. The shocking thing is I laughed because I thought it was funny. When I arrived home, that's when I realized that what happened wasn't normal. I suddenly felt cold and mad at myself for reacting that way. ● I was still in college and these happened while I was in a relationship with my now ex-boyfriend. He had quite a few exes, but he was my first so I relied on him about relationship matters because I admit I was still quite naive. I also told him about the things I mentioned above. Before we did anything sexual, I already told him I will only allow us to go 'til second base and he agreed. When we had our first intimate encounter, he was really respectful of my boundaries. But as time went by, he became really pushy. He would force to undress me when I don't want to. I have self-esteem issues and I want to open up to him little by little, but he doesn't seem to care about my discomfort and only cares about his own pleasure. He also kept on convincing me to give him a blowjob. I told him I don't want to do it, but he just didn't stop on convincing me until I finally gave in. Our entire relationship almost revolved around me giving him blowjobs everytime we meet since then. I felt like he was treating me like an object, so I told him I really wanted to spend quality time with him (sitting in the couch and watching movies, talking about random things, getting to know each other more, stuff like that). He often agreed, but it always led to something sexual. There was also a time when we were making out and he tried to finger me. I didn't want him to do it so I held his hand in order to stop him, but he kept on pushing my hand away. He eventually did what he wanted to do. I complained about it being painful, but he kept on doing it so I just let him because I felt like even if I refused, it won't matter anyway. He also tried to give me oral sex. I'm not comfortable with it, so I refused. I said no twice and held his hand, but he kept on lowering my jeans. I wanted to cry, but I stopped myself because we were at his room and his parents were at the living room so I don't want to make a scene because it would be so embarrassing if they found out what we were doing. When I felt his lips on my genital, I felt cold. I froze. He still kept on touching and kissing me, but I never felt any pleasure from it. It's like I was there but I wasn't. I could remember giving him a blowjob and me hitting my head on the wall and almost gagging because he was being too rough. I also heard him say something like, ""I would've cum into your mouth, but I felt pity on you."" with a smug look on his face. I think this is because we agreed that he wouldn't cum in my mouth because I don't want to. I just felt numb the rest of the day while I was with him. When I arrived home, that's when it sank in. I told him through text that I felt disrespected, and he said sorry. He told me he just got carried away and he won't do it again. But after that event, there were times when he'd try to touch me and I'd push his hand away but like what he did before, he'd disregard my refusal. There were a lot of times when I was aroused by what he was doing even if I don't want it. And I feel like it's my fault because I let him get his way when I could've fought and resisted more. I could've set my boundaries clearer. I'm really confused. I feel light-headed. I want to go into details more but this is already too long. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to feel. Please help.",2.92934738467698,4.162859027139877,4.2842408556639135,87.72070852518091,74.07306889352819,7.211736780392942,25.440615437412426,7.712971501820863,1.2070842623044582,3620,118,779,47,73,1198,332,958,0.114,0.74,0.146,0.9923,5,0,3,0,1,0,111.0,11,2,2,5,61,39,5,4,24,0,82,16,12,5,2,156,164,85,0,21,30,7,29,9,1,6,2,4,7,1,48,46,0,16,30,0,2,10,23,16,1,4,78,37,159,23,102,69,9,120,0,1,2,3,118,51,0,12,61,534,207,4,0.04205011369942886,0.09964501729669233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421422948727766,0.0,0.09280669221927323,0.1681373036657281,0.03498906316229982,0.0,0.0,0.028595519275452293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034603660672741364,0.03743351633430536,0.0,0.0,0.15802986410284495,0.032333941836245765,0.0,0.2563335901612727,0.0,0.0715630992419923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045907833275812285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574578681947369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342943765604031,0.0,0.04619007537759992,0.02711884461702039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730071812128615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554740702881057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822661599644886,0.0,0.0,0.08504720380391581,0.030040609628881974,0.4844964418783717,0.046063844164404816,0.0,0.0715356104628473,0.0,0.046105779242474255,0.032487813534361684,0.0,0.04393889770702434,0.16135320283347826,0.0716941459819077,0.0,0.03363131727642472,0.0,0.0,0.04163622367189269,0.1487391066870873,0.0,0.037668642390620635,0.0,0.08631109622741999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056370609668744576,0.04442825383489249,0.12653907779169046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04388939373968346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932892835118531,0.0,0.047434359826987474,0.0,0.04568757157140161,0.08599818048006695,0.0,0.1848920536822954,0.08429052177613801,0.07426204158078338,0.03721302738408525,0.035311504915763216,0.0,0.0,0.035749502940958404,0.0,0.0,0.05613755483770582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04237662431673058,0.0,0.0,0.09849716989083304,0.0,0.04469261612108005,0.0,0.0,0.06486327998456146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041200183340934886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396201263821916,0.04474428572964766,0.0,0.04669167496776452,0.0,0.08028318319129447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847519228946667,0.0,0.04740518505042292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049154332663240895,0.0,0.0,0.1341764159104447,0.0,0.0,0.1077535183622132,0.0,0.0,0.13543825589232594,0.047634581641685436,0.0,0.07999857501460457,0.033439938181766105,0.0,0.04255696001224957,0.0,0.03828084422013859,0.04386743937753769,0.0,0.0,0.034784288586052634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971166957255042,0.0,0.047071659592995786,0.0,0.0,0.10074382535613037,0.10546733379652104,0.0,0.0,0.04813731978428662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03379828856160378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838086811954184,0.053888029898841366,0.0,0.06676618646813308,0.12259879728096824,0.0,0.0,0.2812647996048675,0.0,0.1141970678398224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05058110928647239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29762695848962056,0.06675484596584721,0.0,0.0,0.03780810223142564,0.03898087668143234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961358288611733,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shanaenae91,2019/03/01,"Progress Last night I realized that I have a fear of being alone that's been ingrained in me from childhood traumas. As I grew and the traumas continued to pile on, I lost me. I got used to adjusting who I was depending on what situation I was in. That deepened my fear of being alone. If there was no one around for me to adapt to, I didn't know who to be. I think I've known this, but I've never been able to see it clearly until now. Today I wrote down some smaller goals and some bigger goals. I need to be ok with being alone. I need to explore more and get to know me better. I think I'm starting to like me. I know understanding and seeing the patterns is just one part, actually taking what I've learned and putting it to use in my day to day is a completely different battle. A hard battle. But I feel proud of myself today and a little more at peace. One more part of the puzzle is in place. I'm very grateful to everyone that shares their stories here. This community has helped me alot in a short amount of time. Knowing I'm not alone even when it feels like I am, reading posts and being able to relate on a completely different level, hearing encouragement from people that really truly get it. It's amazing.",3.3951417004048596,4.799918635627527,4.719676113360325,84.37927125506077,73.17004048582996,7.6291497975708475,26.36032388663968,8.20500826718156,1.6249562753036444,961,33,195,15,19,319,133,247,0.11,0.711,0.179,0.9792,2,4,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,6,7,15,2,2,10,1,18,0,0,3,2,40,44,13,0,3,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,16,9,0,0,14,1,0,3,4,7,0,3,9,6,26,8,36,29,9,34,0,1,2,0,8,16,0,6,16,135,42,4,0.2137247686092746,0.0,0.10428227199706716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44270880852292605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513017817225997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451109483790343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22408635360293888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783479474402174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22329689419850896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058159699006343,0.0,0.0,0.10211158768995328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404997837080293,0.10806566471962126,0.07634250869934689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116623704338273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854676107930072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957277064255626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204416736328514,0.0,0.07162760363701352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23491508688417356,0.08710710594071751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441512628743599,0.10710418282890877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665291596152864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847420782706734,0.08241885863276087,0.0,0.0,0.10028310861346024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723815167519653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314430970771853,0.0,0.07408492204782857,0.0,0.11164844709925448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234462467245747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742621181475652,0.0,0.0,0.10689130278348152,0.0,0.06845877975328768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17031096954251904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011779731679954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563774562849579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034721380926951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694620189690446,0.0,0.0,0.06231231565256432,0.0,0.20258609046033654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124751076552393,0.0,0.18458957883009128,0.0,0.0881726585855699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,potatonihongo,2019/03/01,"Trouble with intimacy and sex because I don't like myself? My girlfriend and I have a really wonderful relationship, but I can't have sex. I think it makes me really aware of my body, and that just freaks me out and spirals me into this terrible feeling of self-loathing and anxiety. I was wondering if anyone has advice about this? My trauma doesn't have to do with sex.",3.9333333333333336,5.9063101111111145,5.478888888888887,77.155,72.8888888888889,9.244444444444444,28.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,2.9905666666666666,296,12,54,8,6,100,49,72,0.21600000000000005,0.727,0.057,-0.8958,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,9,4,1,1,0,17,14,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,12,1,8,13,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,3,1,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652534829685045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20765512868434324,0.0,0.0,0.1898010636688628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547070846274525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.301514850657462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725104323389195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261460103476422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811920350453705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3477899835821564,0.0,0.0,0.291430971406723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831769440626497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393136965414485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5887423132358715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MarthaStewartBathH20,2019/03/01,"I just took my first shower in like ... months I get how gross that is .... I use to be on point with my personal hygiene - haircuts every 2 weeks like clockwork, daily showers (sometimes more than one if I worked out), you know the basic self care things ..... Well I've spiraled into a really deep depression and have just given up on everything ..... the only thing I've made sure is that I wear deodorant and clean clothes (which is a miracle in itself ....) but then I got the flu .... and I've been sick for a few days without being able to do any laundry or even really get up and you know how you get that sweaty gross feeling? Well I finally dragged myself into the shower .... it's strange how fucking accomplished I feel at doing something most people don't think twice about So there's that.... I'm gonna try to do it again tomorrow so I can maybe force myself back into the cycle of taking care of myself ",3.0971186440677982,4.945447412429381,4.145333333333337,86.35969491525425,74.87570621468926,6.9798870056497195,24.22937853107345,7.793537801064563,1.2722537853107347,700,22,137,10,15,227,119,177,0.105,0.763,0.131,0.2264,3,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,3,0,3,14,11,1,0,8,0,12,4,1,5,1,27,31,13,0,1,6,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,4,2,10,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,4,2,3,5,2,17,7,21,23,3,23,0,1,0,1,5,13,1,3,11,95,27,2,0.15849582252623373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107782594371181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187350415941392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231941085166712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10221669349717248,0.0,0.1365122196956413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468499596887423,0.0,0.13353956634712447,0.0,0.14244582541694562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028050027176213,0.0,0.0,0.17362442636288894,0.0,0.13481646567318595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465268339578443,0.24842257678837584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267635881431652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17421031807313425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486610590616942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14997257954298698,0.0,0.0,0.1592303570140838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265098534020897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740087124790347,0.12054321512649792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988104685450993,0.13839243876104093,0.0,0.0,0.14982978266453342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20307296485558107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534570954934102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220178275859836,0.15675642120613326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938043700996284,0.0,0.11916913349123835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105951636001903,0.10155772329399368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609469064426564,0.10760825955627916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688950193663602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713578850990784,0.0,0.2850135580683165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278431697867284,0.0,0.11538684647523385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nurse_with_penis,2019/06/08,Hello I was wondering if anyone has Learned PTSD here. I have never ran into a person that has had learned PTSD but countless patients with PTSD. Would be very interested in hearing your story.,5.396476190476188,7.870479314285718,5.48,76.55333333333336,70.14285714285714,6.9523809523809526,31.666666666666664,7.793537801064563,2.5330952380952394,156,7,24,2,3,49,30,35,0.0,0.8859999999999999,0.114,0.611,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,9,10,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,1,3,1,3,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,19,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584431298287494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673231955883037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293064187743696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070996022278213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8317649333136341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957013394588197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25721553550642623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684884497792502,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bringthove,2019/06/08,"Need advice please So I’ve been dealing with these symptoms for about 7-8 years. 5 years since I have been out of the traumatic situation. It’s bizarre. I start my day sometime feeling perfectly okay, as soon as I start interacting with people my symptoms increase into a hyperarousal. Since these things have happened I’ve barely been able to experience positive emotions. It’s affected my ability to have a relationship, meet my potential at work, and do the things I want. The symptoms aren’t as intense as they were originally. But I’m wasting my life!!! I did a bunch of counselling and it did nothing for me. Went on Effexor it made me too sleepy all the time. The main thing that seems to help is genuine human connection. Which creates a weird cycle. Because my symptoms do everything possible to prevent me from connecting with others. But that’s what is the best medicine. Anyone have some advice???",3.865388219544848,6.8126920180722905,4.498232931726911,79.23829986613124,77.6144578313253,7.785274431057563,31.511378848728253,8.680891452615391,3.13623266398929,729,37,122,17,18,232,108,166,0.069,0.746,0.185,0.9532,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,3,4,4,0,0,10,1,15,5,0,3,2,20,25,9,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,14,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,1,15,3,21,17,6,14,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,8,87,29,1,0.13793980626563854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695863644549165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645071980118043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840868255885401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475931646603254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895976356588439,0.14220988334330575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516371585849986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239714034615027,0.1349315991014041,0.0,0.0,0.06974651067534311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12197971512749822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245814449353283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743096453013472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305219799335318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228061851703228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235696436902802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563009342323782,0.0,0.0,0.1514164847332745,0.0,0.15550640572776614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809572939789042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557521896742765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22821046634712586,0.15505012169390228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642599550842982,0.0,0.19526900969421096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5734890996740265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749232339800237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043381031603132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136047163261917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787158236802953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042182181654848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765742540174895 ptsd,mixreality,2019/06/08,"Remeron Anyone who's taken it, does the drowsiness get better as you take it over time? It knocks me the hell out (finally) and I can't tell if I'm so tired the next day from being sleep deprived for months and now just being able to catch up, or if it's what this med feels like. I've only taken it 2 nights, first night I took 7.5mg and then last night cut that in half again, then slept 12 hours and could have stayed in bed sleeping all day. Seems to be good quality of sleep for once.",4.536858974358972,4.089382557692307,4.671923076923079,92.4397435897436,69.57692307692308,7.702564102564103,23.102564102564106,6.42735559955562,0.2822679487179487,382,6,91,2,6,119,81,104,0.12300000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.076,-0.7384,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,2,4,6,2,0,3,0,6,5,4,0,1,13,15,11,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,2,4,1,4,3,12,7,1,24,1,1,0,0,3,5,1,4,17,50,13,0,0.1607059829589588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236935988512392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213138229401776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283106506278797,0.0,0.0,0.20728412826853895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14063488866589302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125777365855748,0.11480838633645388,0.0,0.17604554908515074,0.0,0.1366964270082009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839622432012163,0.0,0.0,0.1347925538622566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826302145948473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099682525337114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851282570099853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850811849689327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827398237333035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091263604647922,0.4524350354554122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114662697539565,0.0,0.12222414172922876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630069119122754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824661286937035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129119522282715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083089907878795,0.0,0.14046411250905744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370895102664957,0.1847078866062057,0.0,0.0,0.17855026020737194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JakeandOreos,2019/06/08,"Write an ANONYMOUS Letter to your TRAUMA. I've got a psychologist friend who started this project for war veterans, abuse victims, and torture victims. . You can write an anonymous letter to your trauma.I did it the other day, **and it was incredibly fulfilling.**.Your email is NOT stored in the system.Once you hit submit, the anonymous post card will be put on the ""virtual wall"".**You can read others' stories. They are inspiring.** . HOW TO DO IT 1. Scroll down, click ""Share your story"". . [http://heytrauma.nyc/](http://heytrauma.nyc/)",4.862267441860464,8.162211127906984,3.7946220930232606,77.4305377906977,94.69767441860463,5.8709302325581385,25.14244186046513,7.1686216300943375,2.068118604651163,431,17,61,8,16,126,66,86,0.20199999999999999,0.743,0.054000000000000006,-0.9406,0,0,0,0,1,0,45.0,0,5,1,0,1,8,4,0,7,0,9,0,0,1,0,7,12,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,5,0,0,3,1,6,3,7,6,0,7,0,0,1,0,14,3,0,0,2,40,13,2,0.0,0.4292257995945865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23363150673482425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798857006536765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897370975692893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3858013121105274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469505492113541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36417724241120203,0.0,0.0,0.3623638889227024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25641363648459004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AngelaSmirkle,2019/06/08,"Experiencing Trauma with a Pet The most traumatic event in my life I experienced with my dog. My apartment was broken into, I was attacked and my dog was then taken from me for a couple of hours (thankfully I got him back). This happened 11 years ago but for this, he and I have always shared an unusually special bond. He has been sick for a very long time and I think he held on for me, but he could no longer fight it and passed in his sleep 2 nights ago. I’m obviously devastated and so triggered I’m finding it hard to function. I’ve never lost another animal so I’m not sure if this is normal but am curious if anyone else has ever experienced trauma with their pet. And if you’ve lost them, did anything help that didn’t make you feel like your were spiraling out of control emotionally?",7.2253797468354435,6.146081379746835,7.9454113924050676,73.27482594936713,64.31645569620252,11.19113924050633,33.041139240506325,10.411451182825502,3.1561240506329096,630,21,125,13,8,212,107,158,0.182,0.6970000000000001,0.121,-0.8753,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,2,2,3,4,11,2,0,5,0,13,3,1,3,4,32,26,15,0,5,7,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,6,11,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,12,5,17,5,16,13,1,19,0,2,0,0,13,6,0,4,13,78,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30434220368378634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283944201243529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000623720121225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003250412755127,0.17589158406854036,0.14126607389156345,0.0,0.0,0.19529428072341584,0.0,0.13200016783896953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925374474133408,0.13706092761269426,0.18994460287532086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340449176707265,0.1931005740820156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528126645400728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679923123205101,0.1226378625000272,0.0,0.0,0.15689915061993828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729657669382206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518032285264476,0.0,0.1537785631894168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150637614050226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690559312253342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125241445809892,0.08386708872111705,0.0,0.0,0.15191855930751436,0.0,0.0,0.3747863283942505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458804958231016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239901104402896,0.0,0.0,0.1610964362416616,0.16819573510531088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17178946776664072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179269557541973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804652196860844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099963163659908,0.0,0.0,0.10009952946598484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164200999031976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054694921812587 ptsd,Flowereality,2019/06/08,"The constant anxiety is debilitating TW My husband had an impulsive suicide attempt last year with a knife and I thought he had killed himself (in front of me). It haunted me very badly for the first 6 months and I lost large amounts of hair, weight, and barely left the house due to the trauma. I’ve now developed a fear of him dying or losing him. When he drives, goes to work, runs errands, anything he does I’m afraid he will die. He is currently at 2 weeks of military training and he hasn’t texted me in quite a long time. The anxiety is driving me up the wall. I know he is most likely fine, but I can’t shake the anxiety and the feeling. My stomach is in so much pain, my heart is racing, and I feel like there is nothing I can do to calm down. None of my friends or family know what happened out of respect to him so I’m completely alone in dealing with this right now. Can someone please talk me down. I feel like I’m losing my mind.",2.9647841105354047,4.322310694300518,4.101575129533678,88.57326079447323,74.18134715025907,7.219205526770295,27.89257340241797,7.793537801064563,1.5507626252158897,736,29,158,10,15,240,120,193,0.195,0.7120000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.948,1,1,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,0,0,7,6,17,1,3,12,0,15,5,3,0,0,20,26,12,4,0,3,1,5,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,6,0,0,5,3,10,0,1,4,5,21,7,22,21,4,30,0,3,0,0,15,12,0,3,16,92,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390756421347073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081760595902981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050263447399504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121198509332776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079210949036225,0.1451111243686447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843883322155978,0.0,0.0,0.278727006094773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751107252075665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658910740029267,0.15110456900123,0.2036910234120676,0.19186215797170106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422019030889825,0.0,0.0,0.10374593074988886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874511842600433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912480220287065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494338499063062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856312407853378,0.0,0.14759573754383568,0.10945774251585877,0.0,0.0,0.1458977727560499,0.0,0.0,0.1968101893267349,0.0,0.0,0.11883533368287907,0.0,0.3004543929134291,0.14658465232137338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558652828620132,0.0,0.1071826016160836,0.0,0.09871271178931364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288471889943248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288550270862274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474012985889379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282542322718558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467608396142345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377669258529563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688269991293446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793077536191298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660489894819873,0.07830090701104428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079670316410628,0.0,0.0,0.1077129109279248,0.16351928548281022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775888648122408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647319759904074 ptsd,MissOkie,2019/06/08,"Do you ever just feel completely disconnected from everyone in your life? I went to a psychiatrist (I don’t see her anymore) last year for the first time and was diagnosed with PTSD that stems from my firstborn child passing away a few years ago. I was on medication for a while but it made me feel like a zombie. I didn’t like feeling that way, so I stopped taking it and I’ve been without medication since about November-ish of last year. I’ve been okay up until the past few weeks. I’ve felt so disconnected. I’ve been extremely depressed and it takes everything out of me to put a smile on my face to avoid people asking me what’s wrong. How would I explain it anyways? I never know what’s wrong with me. I’m just depressed. I don’t want to be a downer to the people in my life, but I feel like I can’t control the way I’m feeling lately. What do you guys do to cope with feeling disconnected from the people in your life? Has anyone else ever even felt this way?",3.367727272727272,4.6753415303030295,4.635777777777778,85.33700000000002,73.0909090909091,7.704242424242422,25.826262626262626,8.238735603445708,1.4834541414141411,765,25,161,12,15,253,105,198,0.124,0.767,0.109,-0.8412,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,0,2,10,9,0,1,11,1,15,7,1,3,3,32,34,10,0,2,5,0,8,3,0,1,6,0,0,2,10,7,0,3,10,0,0,3,6,5,0,1,10,9,22,4,27,22,2,31,0,2,1,0,9,8,0,0,20,104,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891766187735936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066713805607824,0.07802621203280985,0.11433698007945335,0.0,0.0,0.10432143863275707,0.0,0.10484232975554207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169998261214786,0.0,0.1251574963408687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922243345873342,0.11326134055649888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932189939917003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737040381302844,0.2018788012318508,0.0,0.10662887599020636,0.10028975452367583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385390617128201,0.1594396106659466,0.21428749565015334,0.0,0.0,0.09491826249409299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104914875872628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06132685876860972,0.18192122965359372,0.12587820214760356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23645761626228196,0.16355148036005202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558900651264257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22483005168672654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860649653503691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652513072451296,0.23208703765633215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044255358314488,0.11217861240659506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892265638970097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230827033749793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329410447075637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780334712727474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506893417967691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581857993161871,0.26572446720489623,0.08951064015748833,0.0,0.0,0.10344490138990826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756862547574357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927022199979035,0.2440119488492728,0.0,0.21558059865454174 ptsd,lilboujeevertt,2019/06/08,"The nightmares won’t stop In high school I had a teacher who would sexually harass me and since my sophomore year I’ve been having nightmares about being stuck in the same situation. He would message me on my social media telling me he loved me. He would keep me after class, turn off all the lights, and block my exit while he would just hug me and tell me how much he misses me and loves me. He changed my seat to his desk and other kids in class would get mad at me because of the special treatment. He would come “help” me with math problems but he just wanted to stay crouched next to my desk so he could talk to me and hold my hand under the desk. I’ve been out of high school for 4 years now and I have at least 3 nightmares a week about him. I’m tired of waking up drenched in sweat.",4.604817073170729,4.659651310975613,4.620634146341466,91.14509756097564,69.42682926829268,7.04780487804878,26.15609756097561,5.6839178017228535,0.5769580487804875,621,16,140,2,10,192,100,164,0.096,0.818,0.087,0.1154,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,2,0,7,0,14,7,3,1,1,29,24,11,0,9,3,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,2,10,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,2,22,4,23,11,4,24,0,1,0,3,21,14,0,0,8,86,24,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566718691913686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486645415866404,0.12105613458354154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220360792113562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07342232753265547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419583972977948,0.2969601856214017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491156707751415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536717785858528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330741181620028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945769747004986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13447043370201414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284452384549828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624977242646105,0.15796419550884674,0.0,0.1432549842282055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978873550305832,0.0,0.1174912970831632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295454107018076,0.2456628523015541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615212080001808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528587896982006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828895927798067,0.0,0.11272653587820347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.598980691587756,0.0,0.0,0.18099638989747333 ptsd,anonynell,2019/06/08,"Deep breaths (or lack thereof) I’ve never posted here before and I don’t want to trigger anyone so l’ll pass on what exactly brought me to this place. A combination of many traumatic experiences, some of which are ongoing. My panic and stress manifests in many ways but by far the most hindering is when I struggle to breathe. I’m on day 7 of laboured and stiff breathing and my chest and shoulder muscles are aching. Constantly trying to force myself to yawn and rocking back and forth to get what feels like a “decent breath”. 1 out of every 75 or so breaths feels satisfying enough. These “attacks” (if that’s what you’d call them) don’t normally last this long. Anxiety tablets don’t help with this particular manifestation so I’m out of luck there. Years ago I went to a speech therapist to learn breathing techniques but it wasn’t very effective for me. I just have to ride it out. Anyway. Just having a rough morning and hoping I can start breathing normally sometime soon as the looks I get when I do what sounds like a deep sigh are getting frustrating and my body is exhausted.",4.183969795037754,6.446280126213591,4.568478964401297,82.69267529665589,72.98058252427184,8.072923408845739,29.891046386192016,8.841846274778883,2.550258683926645,870,38,162,18,18,274,135,206,0.128,0.741,0.131,0.4088,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,1,12,11,2,3,7,0,14,13,10,2,2,36,27,20,0,6,7,0,3,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,12,13,0,1,4,1,0,4,5,6,1,0,3,6,15,4,24,23,4,28,0,0,1,0,4,10,0,7,14,102,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988802563511327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072333981952765,0.0,0.0,0.11034361853992364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953035114783605,0.0,0.12134526621015425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428370986009527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529005908583362,0.0,0.0,0.1611404819545032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053530636389322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101773654323683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630587290559975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296076402943646,0.0,0.0,0.15436733837672212,0.0,0.0,0.1595857943686716,0.11273867538308327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473458355112821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057759470114257,0.0,0.0,0.15673979743162025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286352768270295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15419486768455642,0.0,0.0,0.139655868043458,0.1325196904845416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31998681364908915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171191525073037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092383378885538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851546859767686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648766624125345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113725779685294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607698976578582,0.0,0.11169791766604814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18076950675761896,0.1649760760601382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322824025989948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714185164634443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302088299598548,0.0930797495815903,0.1252613213008132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629038680063422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016237267058509 ptsd,heccin_anon,2019/06/08,Just had an attack. Alone. Close friend couldn't come comfort me. Just need someone to talk to. Please help. Title says it all. Comment or message. Don't have much else to say. Please help me. I just need support or someone to talk to. Please help me.,-0.5549721706864581,0.8365636326530641,-0.12619666048237474,103.90139146567718,116.75510204081631,1.7818181818181815,16.699443413729128,3.1291,-1.2781591836734698,194,6,41,0,11,57,32,49,0.114,0.555,0.331,0.9134,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,11,8,2,0,3,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,4,3,5,6,2,2,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,2,0,22,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511026873697875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033310574448257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395997841084424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493058928573148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808627324458936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593966427495669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138703748983585,0.265051904403019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5885752582227768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842663718298922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028745194657305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20282056639885632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873126382962538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blueboy840,2019/06/08,"My PTSD is so bad I cant even have our kittens in the room while we sleep I feel really bad, because I know my fiance didnt want to move the kittens to another room, but kind of had to since it triggered a flashback (a kitten jumped on my head) and then I reacted to defend myself like years of physical abuse taught me. I feel so sad because I know a year ago I was in so much of a better place mentally, but my new life as a disabled wheelchair user has destroyed my mental health and added so much stress (and worse) to my life. I'm sad such a simple thing is too much for me to handle. I feel so weak.",3.756453488372092,3.74145862790698,5.059990310077519,87.50533430232561,71.24806201550388,8.000387596899225,26.20251937984496,7.645422480735847,1.1911775193798446,469,13,106,5,8,157,81,129,0.252,0.6970000000000001,0.051,-0.9854,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,2,0,0,1,8,10,1,1,8,0,8,6,2,2,0,14,16,13,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,2,0,2,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,4,3,19,3,14,12,3,14,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,0,7,69,21,1,0.0,0.19186605137063675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354527485402369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980257408751329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27041729641507684,0.19742768926002308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432180167016421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106956292844652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245637036602423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619164381615142,0.17212893441146615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16862999319798044,0.17799007034332018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22875842981259265,0.07911307834379654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32638402997549165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721108794641142,0.35712174635005844,0.0,0.0,0.15639747030413773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918721753036614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929291141119212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373946761378866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395399552937134,0.0,0.16205157266463344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18549556629266886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758216963769336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551323765112382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502521775977125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085611790637772 ptsd,Ksalis93,2019/06/08,"Scheduling my first therapy appointment in the morning I've lived with ptsd for nearly 13 years now. When I was 12 years old my brother, who was bipolar, came home in an extremely agitated manic episode. He grabbed his electric guitar and went on a rampage. When this started happening my parents rushed me and my other brother into their bedroom and barricaded the door with a couch. After destroying nearly all the windows in the house and anything glass in sight he began to try and break their Bedroom door down. I remember him yelling at my mom as he was breaking through the door. While this was happening she called the police for help and begged them not to hurt my brother. After a while of ramming the door and my dad bracing against it, he went downstairs, grabbed a kitchen knife and left the house to end his life in the park across the street from our home. When he saw the police parked down the street he charged them with the knife. I can still hear the five shots that brought him down followed by the scream my mother let out as she watched it happen from the bedroom window. I've only ever talked about this with two people outside of my family, a long term girlfriend in high school and my wife. I've never met with a therapist to work through these issues. I'm now 25 years old and living with crippling anxiety. It wasn't until tonight that I realized why I've been so against seeing a therapist. After all this happened my parents tried to get me to talk to someone but I always associated meeting with a therapist as admitting I had a mental illness and nothing scared me more in the world than to become like my brother. After digging this up from deep inside me and saying it out loud to my wife I realized just how ridiculous this idea is. For almost half of my life I've lived with the ptsd without ever getting help because of this deep seated belief that I put there when I was 12.",7.435081967213116,7.194240076502734,6.861207650273228,78.4654180327869,63.53551912568305,9.396502732240439,36.059562841530045,8.697196308434329,2.991044153005465,1532,65,280,19,20,475,194,366,0.044000000000000004,0.9179999999999999,0.038,-0.0514,3,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,1,0,4,2,14,6,2,1,28,0,11,5,0,1,5,41,30,25,0,0,4,11,2,1,1,0,4,5,13,0,17,24,1,0,6,1,0,7,4,5,0,4,15,11,38,1,62,14,4,65,1,1,4,0,40,26,0,1,31,193,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506507137851876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789946736375242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262607110759865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781245519157582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05787233628747911,0.10484977331264612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096940658850522,0.10858192776835868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840854543704294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175078245528091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949757026282515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075283661870772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920068074582894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358077104088734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700020040884148,0.0,0.1272677091374301,0.10030549819790403,0.1904578602401358,0.0,0.0,0.21908767301928014,0.10163135867460953,0.10717161770763167,0.0,0.09908891582872567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031486550192239,0.09707888103393944,0.13411274607255158,0.0463811200121964,0.0,0.2514916894653137,0.08401570912700151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956735421074953,0.0,0.0,0.11118834124901313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322078916020625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109401738431433,0.0,0.1992395222968826,0.0,0.0,0.07220339524551038,0.0,0.0,0.21083123080826607,0.0,0.0,0.06581693252250588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22195109646644148,0.09543728384563356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075444121836159,0.0,0.0,0.07549722011345125,0.09504787850553276,0.09608068531526397,0.07565200367617228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043928698166024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719645863933366,0.0,0.07581631597363565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15261253278181613,0.0,0.0,0.10856802470607667,0.33068536438592944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891114092601555,0.0,0.09273904879632792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601395140366058,0.08566531684725935,0.0,0.0,0.09151528283487344,0.0,0.0691148155741611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834077489818864 ptsd,jamstudysleep,2019/06/08,"Nightmares rule my life Hi all, New here. I was diagnosed with PTSD around 5 years ago. I experienced childhood trauma that I repressed for a long time. Anyway, I'm on medication and I am fully functional on a day to day basis, but I still have nightmares. The only way I dont is if I smoke my dab pen before bed, which I've started doing every night to avoid waking up in a cold sweat or screaming in my sleep. I know this isnt healthy but I dont know what else to do to stop the nightmares. Does anyone have any coping mechanisms before bed that might help? Tl/dr: I have nightmares unless I smoke weed before bed. Any advice on other coping mechanisms?",2.5806997455470717,4.649239938931302,3.9804770992366407,85.96832379134865,77.09160305343511,6.198727735368958,22.36704834605598,7.1686216300943375,0.8254575063613228,516,15,100,6,12,170,86,131,0.129,0.8420000000000001,0.028999999999999998,-0.882,0,1,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,5,0,12,6,3,0,1,15,16,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,3,0,6,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,3,14,0,14,14,1,20,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,12,60,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562013396251365,0.15023945417192688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230513107613847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850882121987864,0.0,0.0,0.15087881594341054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43266129138571663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21860939426733111,0.0,0.0,0.17202511322079558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831867775363428,0.0,0.3972735621477343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158412673697396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279958933847972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360315131594995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862905696031953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197132461072702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999011739207171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073970212083642,0.0,0.17979827088464073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16369100687054175,0.0,0.15905149109807315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890203322106702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19812051436700595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16960878614496885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199633357186764,0.0,0.1353520460790267,0.14169820704540226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882887412789973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453040355417475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914367517795402 ptsd,Duveyduv,2019/06/08,"Out on a job So my grandpa, dad, and stepmom all started a labor company staining fences. We recently been getting into more heavier jobs such as concrete and staining houses. One day we were out on a job where some stain was dripping onto the roof from the wood of the house. My dad decided to grab a ladder and climb up there for whatever reason. He gets up, tries to climb on, slips off and flips and hits the ground and gets knocked out for about 5-10 seconds. He awakes with shock and blood but can remember and move everything. As we leave the job to take him to the ER to make sure he has nothing wrong with him such as broken bones, brain swelling etc, he begins to shake. He struggles to talk and starts crying and by this point I’m freaking out and holding him tight. Scared to death that I’ll lose my dad at 17 I don’t know what’s happening. Turns out after the shock wears off the pain sets in. His whole body hurt on the left side. He landed on his shoulder then his head, but I didn’t know that this was due to pain. I receive later that he’s okay with nothing broken or punctuated. I still have the vivid memory of him hitting the ground and my thought him dying because he didn’t move and his eyes were closed as well with the blood. He’s perfectly fine just sore and middle aged, so that’s probably why there was so much pain. However the case since this was about a 8 foot fall, i still see him falling and “dying” in my head and I start crying. Even knowing he’s okay I wanna think “what if” and think he’s actually gone. I couldn’t bare the pain without him and I can’t get this out of my head. It happened this week.",2.6550940975192496,4.34040766167665,3.299867408041063,92.650254491018,75.67664670658681,6.328314798973483,23.305816937553463,7.021680442328713,0.6069122326775016,1285,38,280,13,28,403,183,334,0.195,0.747,0.057999999999999996,-0.9948,5,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,3,0,0,4,15,19,0,3,19,2,15,17,12,2,3,58,39,30,3,3,6,4,2,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,12,33,0,3,9,0,0,9,6,13,2,2,11,5,29,6,49,25,6,53,0,2,3,0,31,29,0,3,14,168,41,5,0.0,0.0,0.09038101219794954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056458576226615126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287681328888153,0.0,0.1033914086047799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20347125712073905,0.059730422182457166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224403095763634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032926433250515,0.061172777082274275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832383537285728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355462574723226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638021413324761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851558550613273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21373559252949872,0.09914861190745347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676330594840059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15269994789064908,0.0,0.0,0.0980682258620235,0.10062884230467194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036149392588232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061822690053736966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968748202255755,0.0680842875149475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17773737347436686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627598013878081,0.0,0.3942048585959253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755317617768514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985698998924296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522589136863698,0.09144829659251537,0.0,0.10491721576356768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272595920658704,0.0,0.07380390511677735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076613892365361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196664760347763,0.0,0.14792840687666325,0.0,0.0,0.09682359092400347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729060061654066,0.0,0.06963659663620564,0.07444218488431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186907046334307,0.0,0.0735276993097137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288098894329608,0.10074090139355472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429191908273226,0.0,0.08327397203283501,0.0,0.08357260362140471,0.103403779304792,0.0,0.08927966111765226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126235231495774,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rammerman123,2019/06/08,"Trying to decide on a trauma impatient program I am looking into going to an impatient program for 30 days for childhood trauma. So far everywhere had mixed reviews. I was planning on going to milestones in Tennessee on the recommendation of a friend. But I wanted to do more diligence. Had anyone here been to one of these places for trauma? Milestones/Meadows/ Sierra Tucson etc? Please let me know your experiences. Thank you",4.528266666666667,7.8528330266666675,5.281333333333336,72.0406666666667,78.73333333333333,6.533333333333335,29.666666666666664,7.793537801064563,2.784066666666667,347,16,47,6,9,112,56,75,0.16,0.742,0.09699999999999999,-0.6322,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,2,5,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,13,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,1,4,1,6,2,15,8,2,11,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,0,2,39,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065545955639304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19051229501129374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294555407213937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889635446851669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282297790978033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357718340088749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234729560919695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020724326834009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24806646215239003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20017460717623944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086361746441175,0.32426684663695765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27196996066016954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20056113917248575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742379875195147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,eirikbyrz,2019/06/29,"Where do I begin with everything? (Triggers sexual abuse, violence, alcohol) I can't even think about what I am. I feel like I have to sever myself in half to live. My whole past was full of violence (like knives being pulled in fights at age 11), alcoholic adoptive dad, schizo grandpa who drank to cope, the first thing I learned in life when I was a toddler was my biological dad left because he didn't want to be a dad, family threatening to shoot family, sexual abuse, friends had druggy parents that they'd get into fist fights with in front of me, friends would beat the shit out of me as soon as I disagreed with anything, I had a friend's uncle call and tell me directly on the phone he was on his way to come shoot me and my dad because of some shit I didn't even do. I grew up in the hood in a meth crazed farm town in Oklahoma; so there was never shit for help, you were told you were a ""Pu\*\*y"" for loving or caring about anything non-violent. My folks worked hours from home so I essentially raised myself from like 10 onwards. Eventually I learned to just supress everything and I isolated myself nearly completely. My dad attacked me a few years ago to try and get me to kill him in self-defense (I do krav maga to help cope). It fucked me up that I freaked out bad enough to pull my knife out on him..Like I actually almost killed my own dad. I don't know how to talk about that. But I get flashbacks of holding the knife and throwing it away because I didn't want to do it. I'm afraid to go outside and I feel like I need to watch every angle at all times. I'm obsessed with thoughts that everyone hates me. I pry into people trying to expose them for evils they don't do. Half of me is done with this, and wants to let go and heal. The other half reminds me nobody, not family, friends, or strangers are safe. How do I start to get better? What can I do to get better? I feel like I don't even deserve to feel bad.",4.174029675907851,4.751343279187823,4.9951269035533015,86.24064818430305,70.5228426395939,8.295040999609528,27.33658727059742,8.384062270229773,1.6219464271768835,1508,48,325,22,26,490,203,394,0.184,0.7070000000000001,0.109,-0.9824,1,0,4,2,4,1,51.0,0,2,3,5,15,30,11,2,12,0,34,10,3,3,2,47,63,18,2,5,5,8,4,5,4,1,4,0,1,0,13,19,3,2,9,0,0,8,9,16,0,4,16,5,54,14,63,42,7,47,0,0,1,2,32,26,4,4,17,211,67,4,0.0,0.21059480590848398,0.0867251116840202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877862988530107,0.1899517828619439,0.08899130029151231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626624392870488,0.0,0.0,0.10110340053797602,0.08349707155800623,0.0,0.14840686417947913,0.16252450187380332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15719805674020448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074705522362037,0.0,0.09060973555231007,0.0,0.0,0.07655435209799938,0.09317937589442947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094571582543708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182732551659988,0.0,0.17609503795540365,0.0,0.07487750842994692,0.08491988788749133,0.1597427456929549,0.0,0.2513385316539977,0.0,0.17974305052119718,0.19046801914831735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755934837971488,0.0,0.0,0.2746455355730879,0.08215965159248978,0.23215670701556204,0.0,0.10101468303814898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774154703172479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913648995398628,0.0,0.08914468998830777,0.0,0.08751986727251937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664481529076136,0.0,0.04884108476957673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655841835885434,0.09087644629915508,0.06277209644718483,0.2170889959377188,0.0,0.0784745723236077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020939509589857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658965954118528,0.06854266389589864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868054112631272,0.0,0.08483726452445081,0.06161184461804362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271165916814388,0.10039874341617454,0.2736738940007505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290323188723097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714310079196118,0.07767702379226997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05904183145536646,0.05694484032024846,0.0,0.07055351317086314,0.05182129647511463,0.0,0.0,0.08491988788749133,0.0,0.120674921784793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725495678732415,0.07054152937607548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922110950823487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469902371253547,0.0,0.0,0.063131288804517,0.0,0.0,0.05722990168299071 ptsd,PlatinumGamer55,2019/06/29,"What causes PTSD? I’m asking this here for more informed answers. I’m not trying to be ignorant I’m trying to learn I thought PTSD was caused by extreme trauma but I recently found out my ~9-10 year old cousin has it, and I’ve never heard of any extreme trauma they’ve been through. Please excuse my ignorance; I just don’t know what kind of extreme trauma a 10 year old could experience",2.2246153846153844,4.608624474358977,3.4919871794871824,87.39259615384617,79.8974358974359,5.951282051282053,23.852564102564106,7.1686216300943375,1.0612256410256409,311,11,60,4,8,101,56,78,0.18,0.764,0.055999999999999994,-0.8658,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,1,17,14,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,2,6,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,5,1,5,1,8,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,31,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205609111536867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154175529247032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989739452946106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550451860701673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189955415940076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129196859808713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022193575891276,0.10672193303065644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14977156262093155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075401936048729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131626804191193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539962341907437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173953467953367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416543967484952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26368498942960705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501044259593384 ptsd,ferbderb,2019/06/29,"how to cope with flashbacks? i keep having vivid flashbacks and i can't get them to stop, even if i try to distract myself. how am i supposed to cope? i also feel like my experience isn't valid. i mean, other people have been through so much worse. if it was so minor, then why does it still hurt so bad after all these years?",1.1412366737739852,3.3110070895522408,2.4085287846481904,94.8423880597015,82.5820895522388,4.4255863539445635,18.526652452025584,5.288315135182226,-0.5086869936034115,253,6,55,1,7,81,51,67,0.226,0.7390000000000001,0.035,-0.9288,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,2,1,11,11,10,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,2,9,1,7,9,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,6,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2219500369697122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23173576808090404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428786554917364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331370812462305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271489087302348,0.0,0.0,0.1403334478496915,0.19827588144801755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500410910999814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29711418331915185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466918594150108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355928797328385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.302324329585755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20402512039958529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924125034833516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22164519983339748,0.23203733025413714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18843262973390704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504382602552827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828387540091306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787277872492949 ptsd,atombub,2019/06/29,"When did you know you had to change therapist? I'm concerned what if my therapist isn't good for me? How do you know they are? I have been going 5 sessions so far (lasts only 30 min because it's at a community psychotherapy center). I am diagnosed with PTSD and GAD, but sometimes I feel like she doesn't know me well enough to tell me certain things? Is this normal?",3.1311261261261296,4.763429229729732,4.368648648648648,85.70855855855856,74.27027027027026,7.636036036036036,25.84684684684685,8.344100000000001,1.5959171171171174,289,10,60,5,6,95,61,74,0.055,0.85,0.096,0.6041,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,10,1,0,1,1,11,16,6,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,1,12,4,5,13,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,40,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532567923236766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348405590459113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253195655811693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293794791743078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224700023061313,0.15859278918635625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616449000281382,0.18619830624498365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3660068239076124,0.18095500297867465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084552131787082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21750730333868035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883668659832174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594994846630053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21955806248971202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19403282368340646,0.0,0.0,0.5155050399835654,0.14748316443432752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995995574257542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cyrex117,2019/06/29,"Boot camp PTSD Hello, I have a friend who just graduated boot camp. They are having night terrors now. They don't remember any of the night terrors but they will also scream in their sleep ""Yes Sir"" ""No Sir"" Yes Chief"" and so on. They also moves erratically in their sleep during this too. Has anyone else witnessed or experienced this? I went through Boot many years ago but never had this happen to me. And I dont want to brush it off as a Generational thing like some might.",2.8794806763285017,5.271572141304347,3.53144927536232,87.95074879227055,77.58695652173913,6.262801932367151,20.004830917874393,7.3871296695380915,0.4532859903381645,375,9,76,5,9,118,69,92,0.122,0.754,0.124,0.2885,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,6,0,6,5,0,2,3,2,9,2,2,0,1,11,12,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,2,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,2,3,10,2,9,8,1,12,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,3,7,51,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674733264073392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189044531360773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559213568111758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941822512907573,0.20429876594025684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336837644455957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656488059648292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15404833107946214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632004633953946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741195304744993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215031106453685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115214340163281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21192016870404395,0.0,0.0,0.1537819714982229,0.0,0.0,0.3742282872240193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330764089152401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258701650022939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990682834783281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246595224051885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760547328279715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18483666161275145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840071583483334 ptsd,H820012,2019/06/29,Life feels pointless sometimes I'm working through trauma right now and want to be able to be at peace and love myself but sometimes everything just seems so pointless and boring. What if I never feel happy or enjoy my life? There are things I want to accomplish but I have no motivation to actually do them. 😔,5.9026271186440695,7.107901593220344,6.162500000000001,77.15188559322034,66.96610169491525,8.611864406779661,31.69915254237288,8.841846274778883,2.662725423728813,250,10,44,4,4,80,45,59,0.16399999999999998,0.584,0.252,0.6713,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,3,4,5,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,15,12,8,0,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,6,3,6,10,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,2,32,8,3,0.2488009110074875,0.0,0.2427937991804193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223606216038177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516024324726274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648531962016117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514708827233468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22455253602036948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189060065861144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124746185753124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264990050725013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4921409256184532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16529226992347307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934984470430854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18113002641799947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,carimeabduljabbar,2019/06/29,"My toxic relationship with my dad is still affecting me As a young girl, my father was always hard on me... a little more than my brother. Always strict with my grades (understandable), but he also had a control problem. He always had to control everything relating to my family, even controlled my mother to the point where she wasn’t allowed to spend any money from her own paycheck or wear any makeup to work. He was also emotionally & mentally abusive to her, and emotionally, mentally, and physically abusive to my brother & I on a daily basis (again, I always got it more than him). When I was a sophomore in high school, I was 5’5” and a healthy 135-140 lbs. I was a small in tops and about a 6 in jeans, so I was never really considered fat or even overweight, just healthy. During this year, my dad became weirdly obsessed with my weight. He would force me to run and do at home exercises daily, he would also weigh me about once a week. Now, don’t get me wrong, I feel like if I were the slightest bit overweight/unhealthy then maybe he could of approached differently, like suggesting to eat better or maybe join him in some of his workouts. But no, I wasn’t overweight and he FORCED me to workout. By my senior year of high school his obsession grew even grater. He was weighing me every morning and making me do more intense workouts to lose weight. I ended up weighing 117 lbs by the middle of my senior year. I was so skinny that I looked unhealthy, my collarbones would pop out. I wouldn’t eat much around friends because I was afraid that if I did eat like a normal person, I’d gain weight so I just told my friends excuses like I wasn’t hungry or I had already eaten earlier. They would always tell me that I was too skinny and if everything was okay with me. I would end up telling my parents and my dad would respond with “they say that because they are jealous.” If I didn’t weigh 117 lbs every morning- for example, if I weighted the SLIGHTEST bit over 117, like 117.4 lbs then he’d take my phone away for the day, it would also cause him to get mad at me for gaining an extra 0.4 lbs which would usually end up in a verbal fight and then him hitting me (at 18 years old- and even though I was technically 18 he still controlled everything in my life... my phone, the money that I made at my part time jobs, my car). I would only get my phone/car/friend privileges back if I weighed 117 lbs the next day. Weeks would go by and I would be stuck at 118-119 lbs, and even though I was doing all the workouts he made me do and barely eating, my weight would fluctuate, especially during my time of the month. So I would go weeks without my phone even though I was driving from school to work/cheerleading practice, so if something were to happen while I was driving I had no way of calling for help. I remember not having a phone to take pictures with my friends on graduation day because I weighed the slightest bit over 117. This obsession continued into my freshman year of college when he forced me to live at home and commute to still have every bit of control over me. So, it was another year of weighing me every morning, physical & emotional abuse if I didn’t weigh what he wanted me to. I remember one day weighing 120 lbs and he looked at me like he was disgusted by the 3 pounds I had gained and called me fat, and would point out and say that my legs were already bigger from the day before even though I physically still looked the same, but my weight would change because, like I said, it is normal for your weight to fluctuate a couple of pounds. This minor change in weight could be cause by lots of things like retaining water. This continued up until the July before I started my sophomore year of college. That July, he was mandated to leave my house because him and my mom were fighting and he hit her in the face and she told me to call the police, so I did. When he was getting escorted out by the police, I remember him turning to me and saying “you’re the devil. I hate you.” But what else was I going to do? He literally HIT my mom in the face, let alone the lifetime of physical abuse he caused to my brother and I. Fast forward 4 years.... I live with my mom, and my dad and I have a rocky relationship. I love him because he’s my dad. I know he’s always wanted the best for me but due to his narcissistic and controlling ways, he’s had an awful way of showing it. I suffer from diagnosed anxiety, depression and PTSD from my childhood up until my early adult years. He still hasn’t apologized for anything that he’s done, nor realizes that he’s the main reason I have those disorders. I’ve tried to tell him repeatedly that what he did and what he continues to do is not right (no physical abuse anymore, just emotional and mental), including making me feel guilty for things or bad about myself. He also blames everyone else for getting arrested the day he hit my mother. I don’t know what else to do to help him change or to at least recognize what he’s been doing has truly damaged me. Every time I notice that he’s trying to be a better person and try to mend the relationship with me, a fight happens and the unhealthy cycle starts again.",6.4133069917187475,6.144353634936213,6.737159237642686,78.60171978031441,65.64376840039255,9.70239829209924,32.401236162043965,9.229582508958227,2.68737383055283,4090,148,793,65,57,1326,366,1019,0.142,0.76,0.098,-0.9953,4,1,1,0,7,0,119.0,0,2,3,15,44,37,7,4,43,2,83,37,8,16,2,124,124,78,0,31,25,15,11,8,3,16,7,4,2,4,30,45,29,7,10,6,3,10,17,20,0,1,48,18,142,17,117,49,18,118,1,4,3,1,105,46,0,16,69,531,172,11,0.0,0.20685959016755465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03616434059223814,0.07706538605989087,0.13961887777934978,0.17432658761971706,0.11350036069978188,0.0,0.047490642751043616,0.036614388667733234,0.02671204391684561,0.0,0.034629104064338716,0.0,0.0,0.028734398404477036,0.03108427117590318,0.0,0.0,0.032806450146136916,0.02684965545976928,0.029154929030452637,0.127713508240695,0.0,0.05942500199981386,0.0,0.03664410769662363,0.061763965074325085,0.15248490426593864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696502359490137,0.0,0.0,0.10761068805834692,0.11081530069935816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23497988877369305,0.0557580909728326,0.03863591408358378,0.0,0.1351146676990296,0.0,0.030074675296789494,0.03544086182666118,0.0,0.036481699842056126,0.04001885763149023,0.0,0.0,0.03573306268782368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291862688825413,0.08750809771756603,0.1571114330554702,0.09278049806314632,0.0,0.0,0.16144027900654628,0.0,0.14709888631647816,0.033365482362589384,0.0941456806507686,0.0,0.03291742195126721,0.0,0.03531100741624039,0.02494530430041001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790971350867253,0.0,0.09121562340669967,0.0,0.05953382138947176,0.0,0.027926977975755343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061755442441376165,0.0,0.03127951658191189,0.034474127472141264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680937002139,0.07378520776633772,0.07005085982836072,0.0,0.0,0.04029048697030657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034650557770227214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03837985171643369,0.0,0.0,0.03697293959825257,0.0,0.03570584631701913,0.024663495548253214,0.1364727014179514,0.03499683830191887,0.061666166169321066,0.0,0.08796654724832101,0.03906411946396388,0.0,0.029685889882648142,0.031514704316753746,0.0660801889125136,0.04661584453203532,0.0,0.07015930581551214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556687782281277,0.0,0.0,0.12268601932567323,0.027871078291709657,0.0,0.025668622306085992,0.0,0.02693078264932997,0.0,0.03713550770124286,0.0,0.06842411811005274,0.0,0.03975418020593459,0.036640388144367306,0.03718634871653465,0.02366122488209841,0.02655658271650111,0.0,0.0,0.03877211730240345,0.037812606522774066,0.0,0.0,0.06097780357756534,0.0,0.0,0.06601727044613072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03341164698011822,0.04081707399137631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022369255635885568,0.035901344179672605,0.0,0.11246604342884667,0.11866528165914494,0.029819635519986256,0.03321485186205853,0.08330417831425016,0.0,0.10601612258081083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02688145100306555,0.0,0.0,0.049430038741076265,0.0,0.1394271183209653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250772426291723,0.0,0.09155916588419734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639570859276132,0.0,0.13722636039274475,0.0,0.06108260137499452,0.0,0.0,0.06673096472517878,0.0,0.07112074228863498,0.03798057148028602,0.0,0.036350691848994386,0.0,0.0,0.03845705593053257,0.0,0.04119088093999618,0.08314844306009334,0.08402692960150134,0.3401640743314029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03365954149613802,0.0,0.05084119134536288,0.0,0.0,0.3720693624664314,0.03817716495641978,0.0,0.20237343576945985 ptsd,the_practicer,2019/06/29,"A tip for EMDR I have sensory processing disorder so textures are super important to me. I mentioned this to my therapist and now we’re applying it in my EMDR sessions. Like for my safe happy spot, I have fuzzy blankets. She said she did it with other clients without the disorder and it made it better for them! If y’all are doing EMDR you should try it to help make you feel like you’re safe!",2.16863924050633,4.499134265822786,4.094161392405066,83.29795094936712,79.75949367088606,7.494303797468352,26.330696202531644,8.472884824447931,2.182808860759493,313,13,59,7,8,106,55,79,0.057999999999999996,0.6559999999999999,0.28600000000000003,0.965,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,1,2,2,7,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,0,11,11,4,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,13,7,9,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,3,43,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23368633456696594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6056515408106605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360055305773022,0.18876303422571636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812733815321316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710504969239102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581748542571328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500169332696733,0.17637283856899325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513393359862441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30678663262427336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17939204040320186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254704336613484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lucy1011,2019/06/29,"Trying to sort this out in my head. Trigger warning -descriptive- I’m trying to reconcile if this was abuse or if I’m over reacting. Complicated by s/m nature of our relationship. I was in a relationship that ended suddenly, he got scared that we were moving so fast and broke it off. I was devastated, tried all the self help tips online, and finally, stupidly decided to rebound. To make things more complicated, I’m rather submissive in the bedroom, with some masochistic tendencies. The guy I rebounded with was totally into all of that, and understood that I had just left a serious relationship and was mainly looking for sex, play, and a distraction. We had limits, a safeword, etc. we started very slowly, but things progressed. One night, he violated one of my hard limits. I used my safeword, and he did not stop. When he finished, we cuddled, and he apologized. Said it would never happen again. It happened repeatedly over the next two months. Every time he would apologize afterwards, or say “You were really enjoying it, I could tell”. I began having panic attacks during “play”. Sometimes he would stop, sometimes he wouldn’t. I remember once, while he had me tied up and was using the cane on me, telling him that my hands were going numb. His response was “Am I supposed to care?”, and left them tied another 20 minutes. When he finally untied me, it took about 30 minutes before I could flex them open and shut again. In relationships like this, consent and communication play a huge part, they are what separates them from abuse. But somehow I’ve got the lines blurred. By violating my limits and ignoring my safeword, I withdrew consent. But by repeatedly going back, for 2 months, is that essentially giving consent? Knowing that he probably would go too far, since he had started too every time? I finally left for good the night he ripped the skin open on my back with a chain, hitting me with it over and over while I gasped and sobbed and begged him to stop. It’s been 3 months since. I still wake up two to three times a night, from nightmares. Sometimes they are reliving some of our worst scenes. Sometimes it’s situations that evoke the same terrifies helpless sensations with a faceless stranger. And sometimes I don’t even remember the dream, just wake up in the middle of a panic attack, struggling to breathe, terrified, chest hurting. I vaguely mentioned to my doctor that I “might be depressed” and he prescribed lexapro, which hasn’t really helped. I’m kind of stuck at the moment. I’m not sure if the fact that I kept returning pretty much granted consent, or if I’m twisting this in my head into abuse when it was really just more s/m in nature.",5.589554687069963,7.417024951120165,5.90353167831783,76.37300765123577,68.32790224032587,9.137028678372877,32.4148731215941,9.567723090172098,3.2482291077227945,2125,94,365,47,37,679,248,491,0.19,0.7040000000000001,0.106,-0.9947,0,0,0,0,3,0,76.0,6,1,5,4,18,28,5,5,22,0,33,12,8,5,6,86,62,33,0,12,16,0,3,1,0,6,2,2,1,2,27,31,0,8,6,4,0,5,6,19,0,5,25,6,46,9,50,27,13,74,0,5,1,2,45,30,1,13,40,245,73,1,0.0,0.24816447121322835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073209001293774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885337611013547,0.0,0.10736961794606556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940895378270735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118287972680278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148606607122638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013310676009718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146045226853848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618369612775365,0.0,0.07786418623234673,0.046113337346734624,0.0,0.1176473288289094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294426723831285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697463547107721,0.11903548756956407,0.058559018648338415,0.11167774425030946,0.0,0.0,0.06912960768916734,0.12347752973880766,0.0,0.06254213857547879,0.0,0.14330435604445596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359345752170496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747403274204744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727034525627246,0.03836948691757575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227568469505595,0.0,0.0,0.034108961456853173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058628527432681314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04660325553466927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406459078637799,0.0,0.0,0.16718130884824375,0.0742042084171649,0.05132338056136069,0.0,0.05384701953400668,0.0,0.07425095789571604,0.1965550093031792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743526124662197,0.09461933988439628,0.0,0.0,0.1638299417450684,0.0,0.0756047898264175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102878427566182,0.07527431784910342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417928779169966,0.0,0.0,0.2998284560970588,0.15817764681431956,0.0,0.06641176382892465,0.05552112088436223,0.06989879553681254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728341479379813,0.0,0.0,0.1155063553625727,0.07847700739607896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34525299759740635,0.0,0.09883337949421464,0.0,0.05575578594620656,0.17510991070733986,0.0,0.0729876772701654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580150690258592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220459194243876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276635808988108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213221101872078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756903269177458,0.14220307107875538,0.0,0.13640173588336674,0.0,0.0,0.12059859626698442,0.0,0.057606171063078235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983834037513826,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sillino,2019/06/29,"I need help, So for context, I'm 19[m], since starting college I moved into my uncle's apartment for easier travel and in March just after we had dinner he went into cardiac arrest (he had heart disease for years and didn't know about it) Ive never had first aid training so I didn't know what was wrong and I panicked trying to ask him what to do, I rang an ambulance and was talked through to give him CPR until the paramedics arrived, they resuscitated him 6 times before they could safely get him to the ambulance then another 2 times on the way to the hospital, and another 5 times in hospital, miraculously they got a stable rhythm and got him to breathe on his own but because he had a severe lack of oxygen for over an hour his two kidneys completely failed so he passed away a day later I seen first hand how quick someone can go from seemingly being completely fine to dying. That flicked a switch in my head (I suffer from anxiety) that I'm not spending the rest of the days I've left letting my anxiety get the better of me and to live the best life possible. That said I'm now terrified of dying, not necessarily the act of dying as it's apart of life but since I'm not religious so I believe when you die you won't know because your dead like trying to remember life before you were born (I'm only mentioning this so who ever reads this has a better perspective from my point of view of things, not to say your beliefs are wrong) and I'm really struggling with living a life I'll enjoy but not being able to look back at it after I die. It's too much for me to handle on my own and I don't know how to go about getting help for something like this Any response is greatly appreciated",7.2235997256045295,5.909326588921284,7.759873092093978,75.36462870862633,64.45189504373178,10.75280397873435,33.87909449494083,9.773937934552695,3.0373397015949237,1352,47,266,23,17,450,187,343,0.13,0.745,0.125,-0.6428,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,1,5,3,6,16,14,0,1,17,0,21,10,5,2,2,37,47,23,6,3,9,0,1,2,0,1,4,3,0,0,14,13,1,1,7,2,1,7,10,5,0,3,14,7,34,9,49,28,6,47,1,2,3,0,29,15,0,1,26,176,48,3,0.09037865442007394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06146058422176795,0.18953979883898825,0.13827884650820202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449184166122825,0.0,0.08491372091103444,0.06949560650763516,0.0,0.11018797774027038,0.0,0.15381115641809373,0.10182579417235872,0.09484682189399847,0.1598651505822154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952059926717954,0.0,0.0,0.07216000137638631,0.0,0.0,0.116573510522834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4689938716935361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175266719857212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375207455951576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165735007927227,0.08669944071195873,0.10272854416767292,0.0,0.1445681323738792,0.09964278556281024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275457367742733,0.0,0.0,0.10709914064404244,0.12115781391500832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900476921021902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19867897945306304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819667247178417,0.09241829748570556,0.2553484657249968,0.08830889069495561,0.0,0.15961201533326513,0.0,0.07589530726709673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605820655821397,0.06643871010001359,0.0670146270687129,0.06970558995607189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873703930461106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543704138972698,0.10188835321627253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040311216751072,0.0,0.0578988802992097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238139719220687,0.0,0.08597079685710232,0.07187273352841192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227733259916446,0.0,0.1021021542334816,0.0,0.1495243137670599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657754060030955,0.06957790367412674,0.0,0.0,0.06397047677490972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448339290955914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264293894027248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06004356206426261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1581015605946934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272234748108694,0.0,0.0882868128362954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0717383690985658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378191811240081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762974145897855,0.0,0.058200890265946624 ptsd,earavenclaw,2019/06/29,"Vivid and Intrusive Ideation Sometimes I get vivid and intrusive (like they just pop in, fully formed, I didn’t like come up with them) images related to suicide. I am NOT suicidal, I just get these horrible images and can’t always shake them. I’m having one of those days today and I hate it. I ignored my responsibilities and cried while watching documentaries all day.",4.068025210084033,6.921028911764704,4.857394957983196,77.53970588235298,76.05882352941177,8.003361344537815,27.36134453781513,8.841846274778883,2.577463865546218,298,12,51,7,7,96,50,68,0.242,0.674,0.084,-0.8989,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,3,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,12,9,6,2,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,3,0,1,1,3,10,2,5,8,2,8,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,6,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189098196722157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22662652809476455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28898919141257245,0.3393392590875281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749046503195486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597443728347214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25706246131618365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17827485329305198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26020019827178803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5755499015607556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493761243883276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cunttrees,2019/06/29,Nightmares What can you do to best reduce and get rid of nightmares? They're constant and every night for the past year and a half.,4.091153846153849,5.668803500000003,3.549230769230772,92.77076923076923,71.69230769230771,5.2,24.538461538461537,3.1291,0.15398461538461514,105,3,21,0,2,31,23,26,0.0,0.846,0.154,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491760940420152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4625329403937982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606217061721717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236205491842493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016637607623652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085894378872161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756280920898208 ptsd,pastelshit,2019/06/29,"Good luck this 4th (cake photo) For all of you ❤ For those without ptsd; please be generous with your fireworks http://imgur.com/gallery/AR1ThfX (im not professional cake decorator lol)",6.319310344827585,10.119223689655172,4.1685517241379335,75.5066206896552,87.9655172413793,7.8372413793103455,26.4896551724138,8.238735603445708,2.9664841379310345,153,6,22,4,5,43,27,29,0.057,0.6729999999999999,0.26899999999999996,0.8041,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,12,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3619186465339664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.466090077851938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736533906740757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043961148708188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159470608444918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,puftup,2019/02/16,"I feel like I'm drowning and my doc won't listen To start things off - I'm so grateful I found this sub and I really just feel like I need to vent, so apologies for the long rant. Before my PTSD diagnosis, I suffered for years thinking ""PTSD is for people who get shot at, not someone who had a few bad experiences."" I finally reached a point where I had a breakdown and decided either I get help or take my own life. I decided to get help. The only thing that kept me going was knowing that help was coming, but now that I'm trying it I'm not so sure. I'm about to experience the most stressful, panic attack inducing week of my life (grad school interviews, a conference, spending the 4 day conference and 20+ driving hours with my PTSD triggering/panic attack inducing boss who lives in his own world of disillusion, presenting and justifying my past years work, and knowing that if I fail everything I've worked towards until now will have been a waste and I can no longer financially support myself) and my doc won't prescribe me anything stronger than an anti-histamine (whixh only increases the feeling that I cant breathe) and a blood pressure medication that not only doesn't work, but causes me to pass out as soon as I get up from bed. The interview is on Monday, we leave Tuesday and don't get back until Saturday. I called my psychiatrist and explained everything that was going on and why I didnt like my meds and he told me to hold off until our follow up meeting after I get back. The next week is going to be a constant cycle of every trigger that causes me to break down. I didnt plan it this way. I was supposed to go to the conference by myself and not present my work, and I hadnt heard from my dream grad program in 4 months and assumed it was time to move on. Suddenly grad school was back on the table and my boss was forcing me into work that's not in my contract plus added social pressure and it all happened to fall in the same week. I've been a crying mess. My therapist is a great listener but not much else, and all I'm left with is some medications that keep me from breathing and make me pass out. I don't know how I'm gonna get through the next week.",7.088863636363637,5.838337068181822,7.550000000000002,76.55500000000005,64.68181818181819,10.636363636363637,34.77272727272727,9.688023934748609,3.088954545454545,1730,65,346,29,22,572,222,440,0.126,0.8,0.07400000000000001,-0.9806,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,2,0,0,7,13,16,2,4,21,0,29,7,3,9,3,72,71,35,1,2,13,0,3,3,0,4,4,3,1,0,21,28,0,3,14,1,1,12,16,10,0,0,18,6,47,6,52,48,11,69,0,2,0,0,21,22,0,5,36,224,68,16,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704226586573034,0.0,0.0,0.18536610708620746,0.0,0.18793451469545788,0.06802343573866372,0.0,0.0,0.06932434650384647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318923135538454,0.0,0.0,0.16738275979073686,0.0,0.07017856053013162,0.0,0.0880393361326349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949016530677516,0.05254093802329722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805711943808887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864137196236289,0.0,0.14643864967352296,0.15938515350303875,0.0,0.0,0.1235799292121694,0.11640332255914315,0.0,0.08924560081876866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932684721288922,0.0,0.0,0.2979503097730586,0.0,0.1852034496732436,0.0,0.0,0.08982015549233771,0.0,0.0,0.07204300456426938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382139896266734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023081816577866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241362861304129,0.0,0.0,0.13432013712837385,0.0,0.0,0.08626419149243196,0.08851659796971516,0.0,0.11508830652717768,0.11940530740045675,0.0,0.07193885615854383,0.0720977384198497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438136895508016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09049399072610212,0.16414343285315422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502799239068989,0.08658893868372637,0.05988928589448062,0.060408429868498086,0.0,0.0,0.17328698136082746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18588314819434584,0.0,0.09558663236841916,0.0,0.0,0.07777163466837766,0.056480532437468485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701479137787905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856996434591797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052191299168659985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490249714106114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304765897645805,0.06902864632989313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766436715299832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09332277114514403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092450359779832,0.07678382086435442,0.0,0.061254750499500236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459209929708663,0.10824912311441397,0.05220221729755418,0.0,0.0,0.04750538528199194,0.0,0.0,0.07784737678525848,0.0,0.05531228513371685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466651279171813,0.2613989302961309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351334256276934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965529866961836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492707492976623 ptsd,PapaNurgleLovesU,2019/02/16,"I feel like I am rationally moving forward but emotionally stuck. I really don't know where to talk about this, but I hope people here might have some insight. I've spent 4-5 years in therapy and been trying to recover from a very chaotic and emotionally abusive childhood. I'm grateful to have met some good people and had a therapist who has been trustworthy and empathetic. I know that there are opportunities that I can seize on, and despite there being no guarantee of anything, there's no reason not to try and everybody is nervous about the future. So rationally I have made great strides in realizing where my thoughts of hopelessness, mistrust, and self-loathing are distortions. But emotionally I feel like I am spinning my wheels. I know that if I take up any new task I will have to learn as a beginner, I know that there are career options available to me if I work hard for them, but emotionally I still avoid things and obsess over every possible thing that can go wrong. I've changed career tracks twice in the last 6 months, mainly because I am utterly terrified of being in an underemployed job section or of committing to something that doesn't work out because I'm not good enough to make it work. I hesitate to even do hobbies I like because I get too afraid of what might go wrong. It's not that something might not work, it's that it will end in catastrophe. I know other people feel these kind of fears too but for me it feels like I am ruled by the fear. So cognitively I can see how fortunate I am and that I have opportunities I can take, but emotionally I am afraid of life. I have read enough to know that people who are obsessed with attaining their goals usually do just through sheer work effort and will power. But I feel like I would never be good enough for it. Is this common for people who were traumatized earlier in life? To obsess over when the other shoe will drop and where it will drop and how heavy the shoe might be and if the ceiling's going to come down with it? I don't want to feel like this, I want to push myself forward but I guess I feel stuck on how I might do that. Has anyone felt similarly? What did you do?",7.425687756424098,6.731127030878862,7.457029799179442,75.68332487583676,63.726840855106886,10.979961131505076,33.86320449147053,10.33465798735191,3.2257876484560573,1724,62,337,35,22,556,197,421,0.166,0.685,0.149,-0.8566,3,1,2,0,0,1,33.0,0,1,2,11,22,26,0,9,10,0,51,4,2,6,2,74,86,32,0,7,17,0,9,6,0,11,2,0,0,0,32,17,0,1,19,1,1,8,10,12,0,1,12,10,42,14,46,59,7,40,0,1,1,0,8,19,0,14,21,240,74,11,0.0,0.08257079938363178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047391328727131934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048728599962345964,0.0,0.05734861613482886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744642947156248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372237335215331,0.060031433555628476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3919571909015145,0.0617243149171875,0.21602400801266375,0.0,0.046029334195409936,0.0,0.0587165072779819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684038602554068,0.24666014697784386,0.24893137843940635,0.06691296027595485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036409948095067035,0.0,0.1188186445334566,0.17535703082508386,0.0,0.07683304780922923,0.07677096904393603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624282076168188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06921751333051622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915619072480242,0.0,0.0,0.07257101107228267,0.2297975429046537,0.05680633849507152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844767367876807,0.20428095769568413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594199980658492,0.04651835991548072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696483487758104,0.0,0.0,0.05562558671720725,0.07406903304909891,0.0,0.0,0.053748928187976205,0.06730666552179228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415700254175653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856457112928504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970847512980312,0.0,0.044644952597454816,0.07165253217076666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553360131055492,0.0,0.07270146836406903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730094244686336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565421746312652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479583669997093,0.05601387364951403,0.0,0.0,0.07969614955486919,0.08091501565356797,0.09259736866372288,0.0,0.0,0.0553257708015207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462934961138257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675326649233517,0.05750123179423588,0.0822094823782782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536743527096356,0.0,0.0,0.049505503805950125,0.15238931035776496,0.0,0.044877827923873057 ptsd,theduderino99,2019/02/16,"Alcohol drugs and the thrill of the fear. I have PTSD when sober but I seek put the thrill of the fear and losing control by doing drugs and alcohol. Any other vets out there do this, logically ot makes no sense.",1.4978571428571428,4.056308309523811,2.5764761904761926,91.55185714285713,84.95238095238095,6.217142857142857,17.923809523809524,7.554174236665415,0.4218609523809533,167,4,35,3,5,53,31,42,0.244,0.659,0.09699999999999999,-0.8225,0,0,4,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,0,2,4,0,3,4,0,2,0,8,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.468570000635016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908061038317047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458796316977753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5084631179751059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4933784535995374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452568521465568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633448093751247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25626245307264,0.2203818125905924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ilwrath,2019/02/16,"Could it be PTSD? I watched a man die and and falling off the wagon. It was maybe...5 months ago (I have a post on here about it) one of my regular customers at work had a heart attack and died in front of me at work. I had been a year sober and lasted another 3 months but started drinking a little..and now a little more...but more than that Im having panic attacks dail now and I saw a PSD comic..just a comic this morning that made me nearly break down in tears. I dont sleep anymore and my fiancee says that moment was when i went from the guy I used to be to the guy who is always worrying. Relationship Wise there's no issues and Its not like im a mess. I didnt go through any trauma myself and I feel like thinking i might be something like this is a little disrespectful to people who went through stuff themselves. I mean I wasnt in combat, I didnt have an assault..nothing happened to ME at all....but since then its like worse and worse that I cant keep myself together.",0.9429172445677312,2.9898430097087387,2.727947295423025,92.97639158576052,82.49514563106797,5.088858067498845,20.97457235321313,6.1826913282559595,0.12592907998150693,764,23,167,6,21,253,122,206,0.23,0.7240000000000001,0.046,-0.9882,0,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,2,1,14,0,20,3,2,2,0,19,32,12,2,1,2,0,1,4,1,1,0,1,0,3,14,9,1,1,3,2,0,5,7,5,0,1,12,4,21,5,21,15,1,31,0,0,2,0,8,12,0,1,16,110,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734665407452446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076378487315173,0.0,0.0,0.08235124042167538,0.12698250221104482,0.0,0.0,0.1200973290397046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755344127997644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668742491501617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25136257699579523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192672585200186,0.11863058257729685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061231120339016114,0.0865129058203692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882315833831963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398134220138553,0.10708714376633588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435024933753983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616146636019944,0.12639553704209064,0.0,0.10763805181124804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871156949023192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366507504305838,0.2427453391277999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458647870426122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191194038149207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846653959328366,0.0,0.0,0.19331958771280114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619742886796325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205958504927563,0.0,0.0,0.14208318357190666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395456205237356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597904007030745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155785135164456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300146393081475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09630251377377816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017406170014903,0.0,0.12118611449073033,0.0,0.0,0.09322766364910028,0.0,0.0,0.08571425376906798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862899136837434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775951306094917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459035942635928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22451933930754195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632253131441875,0.12298156596317067,0.2468197574938799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798356569069148 ptsd,NeowMeow666,2019/02/16,Does anyone else like this? I hardly remember my dreams. It’s like I am just out for awhile and then wake up. I seldomly remember a dream or even a nightmare. ,0.8212499999999991,3.2852086250000028,2.64875,90.32125,87.75,6.95,20.5,8.07648339933343,1.2410375000000005,124,4,26,3,4,41,27,32,0.0,0.7,0.3,0.8144,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,6,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21756556347598055,0.3188132404360219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722922763665885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25992858586983697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551376477852865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787321650415583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30402748900931603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7049518766379458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,callmer00h,2019/02/16,"vision changes, tinnitus and/or really bad occipital migraines? Hey guys. Just wanted to see if any of y'all have somatic symptoms for your PTSD? I have history of only emotional and psychological trauma, nothing physical but I have a lot of physical symptoms. I also have a history of a benign idiopathic tumor (IIH or pseudotumor cerebri) and I'm currently in the process of working with my doctors to see if that's coming back or my very physical symptoms are from my PTSD. Has anyone experiences headaches, visual changes, ringing ears and it be because of trauma and emotional health?",7.7852011095700435,9.475485495145634,8.707794729542304,58.83980582524274,62.98058252427184,12.099306518723994,42.86962552011096,11.765960540728905,6.147461581137312,478,29,66,16,7,162,72,103,0.113,0.8140000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.742,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,7,7,1,0,0,14,12,10,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,4,8,1,12,11,1,4,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,5,2,46,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271369186888058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811242150686398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116309839931607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224645109975307,0.13274235907340862,0.0969132432215463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363612929371752,0.13694791478829632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16272362426026946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35766408896765617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555137655686306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15741602452500078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898919648614705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515982323607015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525464017719955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091209122938955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716801839188044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184719574251323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25337428909198656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4957258899887866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117584114798755,0.09377101728794894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573994349697887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,seafoam-bluu,2019/02/16,"DAE wake up with a ""jolt"" and momentarily being shocked/confused at where you are? I frequently wake up in the middle of the night (or in the morning) with what feels like a jolt and a strong feeling of confusion and shock? I feel like I don't know where I am for a brief moment. My surroundings appear strange, and I am shocked to be my current age. It's a feeling of ""why am I here and not back in time?"". It's hard to describe. I spoke to my therapist about it and it might have to do with parts of me still being stuck at the general age of traumatic events. So waking up here and now I feel like I don't know how I got here. It only lasts momentarily but it's definitely disturbing for that brief amount of time. Does anyone else experience something similar?",2.782557442557444,4.533717155844158,4.2780519480519485,85.49037462537464,75.49350649350649,7.855344655344655,26.131868131868128,8.617729084823388,1.7696379620379623,598,22,127,12,13,199,86,154,0.114,0.795,0.091,-0.5362,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,11,8,0,2,9,0,12,3,3,1,0,25,23,11,0,0,3,0,6,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,10,0,0,7,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,3,7,15,4,24,16,2,28,0,0,0,0,2,12,0,4,16,89,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871959219305518,0.18862134999228292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155338920190882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109787877848336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537830759516164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800747619726626,0.0,0.0,0.465405671908156,0.3945405229151121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723311398012262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649079479400136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023414451506921,0.15005743507337635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26981035354713784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952897671840594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275543593380352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000828780742458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993508861175856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172101768123313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701403654553852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137419877704304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21468802480178886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611205464068654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ohm860,2019/02/16,sugar had coffee after visit of parents,4.274285714285714,7.691739285714287,7.368571428571433,54.701428571428615,84.71428571428571,2.8000000000000003,21.285714285714285,3.1291,1.213971428571429,33,1,2,0,1,12,7,7,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sirR9,2019/02/16,"Can anyone relate? Hi, I was a soldier who hit a friend tonight for talking too much shit in video games. Everyone made me feel bad and I'm sure I should, but I don't. When I was in, that's how we dealt with things, and now I'm losing my mind as I try to sleep. I miss my brothers and dealing with issues this way. After tonight, I feel like I'm so alienated from all of these friends I've known for 20 years. I searched the top posts of the last year and saw no veteran posts within the top 20. I'm not trying to down play any of those posts, but I was hoping I could find a similar situation. My reaction right now is to still put him in his place and knock his lights out, but I know it's wrong. I've been out for 10 years and these feelings are all just flooding back. I still want to knock his lights out but I know in my friends' eyes I'm some brute. Anyone out there? ",1.4060106382978717,2.854848377659575,2.5499468085106405,97.70875,78.52127659574468,5.976595744680853,20.79255319148936,6.6274283507984215,-0.024761702127659824,677,17,167,6,16,216,114,188,0.08800000000000001,0.764,0.14800000000000002,0.8888,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,3,11,12,1,0,6,0,10,3,3,2,3,37,26,14,0,4,6,1,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,8,13,0,0,7,3,0,1,3,5,0,0,6,7,23,7,25,17,4,32,0,2,2,0,14,14,1,2,14,99,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962541308568142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979403896544368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883787206810193,0.11818253834674206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301061164743326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592467417408236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525045437961905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21470526391985184,0.10111838649907308,0.0,0.0,0.12936778765007975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280674386500122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058419049737406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773417497867472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555767222922058,0.11537648101161405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915078686936578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583504728037388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339314606452303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291813577259802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040504312951143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788236616987555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066773606230991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422898643427573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087699526366966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452919115346337,0.0,0.15910032380952355,0.14164527531693874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260729325093802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340265388202222,0.0,0.0,0.11376694574445775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403491608847793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219688590783415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348576086641238,0.11235028846702948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475511042126966,0.0,0.27344725950346804 ptsd,sparveriuss,2019/02/16,"Flashbacks in dreams? Hi everyone. So, I haven’t been diagnosed with PTSD, and I have no memories of any traumatic events. But a few times recently I’ve had dreams where my dream-self has flashbacks? Of course they’re rather vague and scattered, as a dream is, but my brain still labels them as “this is you having a flashback.” Does that make any sense at all? Should I hold these things in my dreams as having any sort of possible truth? I know this is a weird question, thanks everyone for reading",3.4314619883040964,5.843992052631577,3.1835087719298265,91.03900584795325,75.84210526315789,7.169590643274852,24.239766081871338,8.167268648758528,1.3712573099415204,395,13,79,7,9,118,67,95,0.075,0.758,0.16699999999999998,0.8711,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,11,2,1,1,2,14,14,8,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,9,2,11,11,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,51,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.447033638690048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446138329321333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240532033138136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917560896738668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187629990013611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042431779752945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626636178279842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470283562228992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25614316210596955,0.0,0.24546800559681475,0.0,0.21918238435723286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163576127501909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22859316822863324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499197996211385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017390979690976,0.0,0.0,0.1455756420659622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777243390151832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,witchydolly,2019/02/16,Childhood abuse making dating hard now I can’t stop being in love with my ex who I am hanging with again after months even tho when we broke up he was horrifically mean to me due to his own mental health issues (he was never mean to me before his month-long breakdown) and I feel like I can’t let go of people even when they’re bad to me now. I always see the inner turmoil and the inner good person just like I did with my dad. I also realized that I’m incapable of judging people as “worth my time/love” or not; I just give it to everyone who acts like they need it. Idk what to do Ughhhh ,2.922604444444445,3.8008411360000025,4.64746666666667,86.48017777777778,73.64,7.155555555555559,21.088888888888885,7.3871296695380915,0.5390622222222219,462,9,100,5,9,157,85,125,0.179,0.701,0.12,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,1,0,1,0,11,8,0,1,2,0,9,2,0,1,1,18,19,8,0,1,4,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,4,0,1,3,4,3,0,0,3,3,18,5,15,14,1,19,0,1,1,1,13,4,0,1,15,67,24,0,0.0,0.21077162382274928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225928593413206,0.14801947671495808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853146835513134,0.0,0.0,0.15137205092867165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349905192699332,0.0,0.0,0.16998237527919294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994698246658174,0.12708529224802395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17064915784475732,0.10109949617248967,0.14920644429442032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935530223713673,0.0,0.0,0.18908970478941395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856718787968169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18190549449768886,0.0,0.26072551974179464,0.0,0.0,0.15742784580487887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605534797239929,0.0,0.11874355498731652,0.0,0.0,0.3875506743281482,0.0,0.0,0.17927218363101022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839816333618556,0.0,0.0,0.13190384596078406,0.13720042627028042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466542986345669,0.15532746955045404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175601317081488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872475518677414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037296125091184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kokiri_Sword,2019/02/16,"Too scared to sleep The other day I had a pretty horrendous flashback while dreaming. My flashbacks always happen while awake, I've never had one while asleep before. It was such a bad experience that it has made me too scared to go to bed and has made my insomnia much worse. Has anyone had to deal with this? Any advice? I only recently got diagnosed so I don't know if this is common or anything",3.283351648351648,5.4402448076923084,4.337765567765569,83.8096153846154,75.28205128205127,7.021245421245422,22.68131868131868,7.957251820313856,1.2515472527472524,317,9,59,5,7,103,59,78,0.195,0.767,0.038,-0.924,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,3,0,9,4,2,2,1,8,15,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,7,0,6,0,5,8,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,7,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937200065701746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697661079653204,0.0,0.0,0.13874478405216456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14265983378240601,0.0,0.16789614418981175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703533200673492,0.0,0.0,0.17361123354310548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157999349089236,0.2103420105292262,0.0,0.20708225603683375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995767324440948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595276759091495,0.0,0.16317835699920416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804196580469808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121274408995796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.386108968406896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998270195853322,0.0,0.15735755115485178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825340515545265,0.1551710872173202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075679517984406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20145121749918568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085315543750793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20417350362960326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20792008582959065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alors_on_chante,2019/02/16,"Back to this after 3 years of being ok Hey all. I was diagnosed with PTSD over 5yrs ago. I did ok for 3 years and boom, here we are. Work has been really stressful. I've thought about switching locations, careers, and quitting work all together. I keep holding on because I love my job on the good days, even the tougher days, but it's gotten consistently worse. I had a nightmare about my boss tonight. I woke up shaking and grabbed my husband. My heart was pounding out of my chest. He tried so hard to stay awake with me, bless his heart. I started disassociating 3 days ago and fortunately had sense enough to call a psychiatrist (I haven't been on meds for over a year). I have an appointment on Tuesday. Does anyone have advice on meds? I'm really horrible at taking meds and definitely know I need to. Do they still prescribe Adivan for this? Should I even mention it when I go? When I used it early in my recovery it was kind of like a rescue inhaler but for panic attacks. Now people are snorting it and abusing it so I'm afraid to even ask for it. Backstory: I'm an alcoholic with 5yrs sober. I'm very honest about this because it's what lead to my trauma. I'm worried I'm going to be treated like a criminal because I've experienced this before. So asking for a certain medication that's become widely abused has me nervous. Is there a substitute for it? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much. ",2.811687391362483,5.174271682310471,4.258042519053351,82.80741141863888,77.66425992779783,6.991790346302983,27.22676828453001,8.045849151850463,1.9236694477871368,1124,47,213,20,27,372,161,277,0.155,0.7040000000000001,0.142,-0.7865,1,0,2,0,1,0,34.0,1,0,1,4,17,20,1,5,11,2,22,7,3,3,3,26,43,14,0,3,2,1,2,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,15,11,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,7,0,0,11,6,25,13,35,27,4,35,1,0,0,1,11,12,0,0,20,134,40,6,0.0,0.2545998231941195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099800310434144,0.19047977136709252,0.11482165983019242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730635043195066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751251836455491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088549812358555,0.12222954782882395,0.0,0.08261542923080391,0.0,0.19648494778054584,0.11866004586256025,0.09142430253177987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970918354634487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787149920896392,0.0,0.0,0.1090502638481301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402226593439238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101518263976017,0.0,0.21289112680343344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212229228815308,0.09011633930554387,0.0,0.11845398454246317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624595341339642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546359955455805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661852654174386,0.09549841900601697,0.0,0.11188317617089896,0.05904671529433141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498040489593197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969696176590287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35802789651939354,0.1082354152659702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07898143247156976,0.07966607470956748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605876054178874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448600015915934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12559267633045496,0.0,0.0,0.11427663484635955,0.0,0.0,0.137658798542225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604723035660832,0.11451771649438812,0.08580245093841225,0.0,0.12307320144452147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807821944757067,0.0,0.0,0.09891715642968683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529608269081286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294532649519339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279445140835056,0.0,0.08865000434499018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643652678881267,0.10911146122341557,0.10949146804258172,0.0763229411015564,0.0,0.0,0.2075652738022151 ptsd,sourk1,2019/02/16,"Does anyone who uses legal hemp(cbd) for ptsd want to participate in an anonymous data survey in regards to the use of hemp(cbd)? A little background I’m the director of Operations for a legal medical marijuana dispensary for about the last 8 years, the doctors I work with have gathered loads of amazing data in regards to mmj over those same years. Last year in a similar capacity a hemp(cbd) company was started and the hemp(cbd) products were added at the dispensary. We have several patients that love the hemp but have also found most medical patients with prescriptions for mj don’t go through the red tape and expenses involved to come to the dispensary to get their hemp since it’s available at several locations nearby without the patient prescription necessary. The doctors would like to do some impersonal studies or data collection in regards to hemp(cbd) and it’s uses, delivery methods, potential benefits, and possible detriments. I’m simply wondering at this point if there would be any interested in participating? We are about two weeks from rolling out the program which will require submitting a request to participate form as well as filling out a brief survey. There’s no specific disqualifications or commitments. It is a long term study and participants will have access to hemp at or near cost in return for participating. Organic hemp flower at about 1$ a gram as an example. You are more then welcome to join the study and use which ever hemp(cbd) you have found that works. This is about helping to further the industry by legitimacy and data. The data gathered will help to steer the more controlled and clinical study that will take place down the road. Allowing future resources to be used in the most appropriate avenue for possible benefits or detriments to the hemp users. Please pm or send me a chat if interested in participating and I will send you the link in a couple of weeks when available. Thank you!",8.198709677419355,9.603195483870973,8.068489736070386,64.8227346041056,61.903225806451616,11.595894428152494,40.719941348973606,11.389717465364855,5.296424046920821,1584,86,240,46,22,509,184,341,0.016,0.846,0.138,0.9901,1,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,2,4,1,4,10,10,0,0,32,0,22,6,0,7,2,46,40,23,0,5,9,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,0,12,16,0,2,4,1,2,6,3,0,1,1,4,1,10,10,58,27,8,46,0,0,1,1,19,25,0,11,16,167,22,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054696950801797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699771423264741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917040765961181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753436525290217,0.0,0.0,0.1269928367507618,0.0,0.12528266198964125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23178367379177495,0.0990850306366911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241960089411124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482934183071875,0.0,0.0,0.05915602820067122,0.0,0.06434907174667631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178630094401227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18458896745566145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531661320853528,0.11348242089471836,0.0,0.10020164420343992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219108677169718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281270150431617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829730390827894,0.12428839149598565,0.10703537854557403,0.2552911074282633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235539537656624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558268065217283,0.0,0.0936619015914848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014210330750775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513202840814159,0.0,0.0,0.10424349358022336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060556731370352,0.0,0.0,0.4889555133210253,0.0,0.0,0.06678375982896405,0.0,0.18164649254435866,0.0,0.10180397226753927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914603834308473,0.1227890087767549,0.16486007750954573,0.0,0.0,0.1608653201914338,0.0,0.0,0.21874192574934104 ptsd,Save_steve4077,2019/02/16,"I feel so incredibly... empty (Disorganized rant incoming) There’s no one I can talk to about this. I’m just going through the motions of the things that I think I’m supposed to be doing. Work, school, therapy... but I’m exhausted. I have an overwhelming distrust of literally everyone and I have no idea how to connect with people. I’m so fucking lonely... I fear I’m nearing the end of my rope. Why can’t I just be normal? I’m so tired. I just want peace ",0.1805267558528385,2.579117336956521,2.94608695652174,86.54540133779267,93.02173913043478,6.309030100334447,23.381270903010034,7.61054688173877,1.5464137123745827,353,15,72,8,13,123,61,92,0.255,0.6779999999999999,0.068,-0.9533,0,2,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,2,2,4,0,7,3,0,1,0,12,18,6,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,0,1,9,0,10,16,0,4,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,1,46,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332865555420733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516817203030323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963884935367599,0.1331785795208089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24350105689837434,0.0,0.0,0.1496913728653883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29733677166972283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580675976599229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848079395610705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826023965676532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665661058638736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117039883520096,0.0,0.0,0.3012109611028556,0.0,0.1749855078732052,0.16877054045537318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3027296079741229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535504122367313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376697235728504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19175203824422588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Copperlaces,2019/02/16,"Does anyone feel like their life is fading away from dissociation and memory loss Since I was 11 I've had strong on/off periods of dissociation and I feel like I lose months of my life living in a fog. Dx with PTSD in 2010, 26 now. When my life gets better I'll tend to get out of this fog but I tend to not remember my recent past at all. I have lots of short term memory loss. Daily journaling helps but I still really hate this fog. :/ I want to feel normal again. I'm in counseling but they don't want me to go over trauma while living in an abusive household (dad's a hoarder, I'm on SSI from multiple sclerosis). Ughhh",0.6876744186046508,3.001971875968998,3.1314418604651166,87.92925581395352,86.05426356589146,6.850852713178295,17.127131782945735,8.021203637495839,0.6572610852713177,488,11,105,11,15,168,87,129,0.193,0.7070000000000001,0.099,-0.9527,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,5,4,9,1,0,3,0,5,4,0,0,1,17,18,7,0,3,4,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,2,3,13,4,20,16,3,22,0,3,0,0,4,10,0,1,13,56,15,0,0.0,0.2117811064640143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498119060857335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793483699444986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580835683331173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641911500195674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27113334030995795,0.25538792480170835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867715742473286,0.0,0.10158370834761908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764716070093202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980759712401667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3787541857920551,0.17464950310628655,0.0,0.3156665081893062,0.0,0.0,0.1999675827555205,0.0,0.15196082039570327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267087627366967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17513008981640424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063032179602913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894088317383333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145072777507436,0.0,0.1764870485619478,0.0,0.202480860151578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14785797271495565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274430963140552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108543852048132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RainbowGanjaGoddess,2019/02/16,"Still battling ptsd Not trying to make this long. I just wanted to say that ptsd is real and it sucks and that more people should educate themselves on mental health so they can help people like us get better. I feel like PTSD is still massively stigmatized and I have trouble finding specialists around me that specialize in ptsd that can actually help me overcome my ptsd that accept my insurance. I've been battling it for years now and I need some help but have no idea where to get it. My anxiety disorder is crippling me. I'm terrified to seek help because I don't want to be hospitalized forever. I don't trust the organizations designed to help people like me. I'm terrified that hospitals still practice MK ultra in secret and that mentally ill or undesirable minorities are who they test on. I fear in patient hospitals. I fear they do not actually cure people like me and that they test on us like lab rats. After seeing the ""three identical strangers"" documentary, how the hell am I supposed to trust the gov. to actually help people with ptsd? I think I would rather take my chances with a shaman and some ayawascha to help cure myself of my ptsd but I am not sure if that would make my condition worse or not. I have a lot of fear and it's crippling me from living my life to the fullest. If anyone sees or reads this and has any suggestions for me on what to do please tell me. Thank you.",4.875222222222224,6.4198158925925926,5.364629629629628,80.64583333333336,69.7037037037037,9.103703703703703,29.055555555555557,9.516144504307137,2.5996444444444444,1121,42,214,25,20,359,140,270,0.20800000000000002,0.65,0.142,-0.9791,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,1,4,1,10,20,4,3,7,0,21,3,0,3,1,45,37,18,0,9,13,0,1,5,0,3,3,1,0,0,17,12,0,0,6,1,0,0,7,8,0,1,1,4,36,12,27,32,4,16,1,0,2,0,19,9,2,8,12,143,53,4,0.0,0.0,0.2225831481025128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051703056071582994,0.0,0.05816279689703323,0.0,0.0,0.053161994056953335,0.0,0.0,0.06768288329880294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04634722614222865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724242007381442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713704932941417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256664905503843,0.0384430887987053,0.05431589855407702,0.0,0.0,0.06949010831211712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944514908040243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081641109907332,0.0,0.0,0.3567294818276077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582869675850174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053702288256545085,0.1857222635057326,0.0,0.0671359464197165,0.06728422110118441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463804826493601,0.0,0.0,0.1015013267476172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324086001495935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056375334937390824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635483938695209,0.0,0.0,0.08345818753979467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6221255978454382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605064671329542,0.08653886691877084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046216479538909,0.0,0.0,0.12117224730914695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215314088474047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716574429831017,0.0,0.0571651520066481,0.0,0.06645363399823287,0.06999827523958793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04871700011125025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051619428072436316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829096303102532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968901255107657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748113869285278,0.10801916333127078,0.0,0.0,0.04896087355724337 ptsd,GeekBill,2019/02/16,"ER help? My (M67) wife (F57) has severe PTSD due to childhood abuse, and recently it has resulted in extreme panic attacks at bedtime. She has taken Clonazepam and hydroxyzine, but still is unable to rest until she crashes at 4 or 6 AM. She has recently asked to be taken to an ER in the midst of them, and I am skeptical that they would really do anything for relief. She will finally see her psych/pharmacology person next week (monthly visits) and we hope she will get some help there, but until then, my question is, can/will a Texas ER be able to do anything for hey if I do take her in? Thanks in advance!",5.870420168067228,5.928761252100845,6.707226890756306,77.25394957983195,66.73109243697479,9.489075630252099,32.12605042016807,9.23628265651192,2.7569798319327727,475,18,90,8,7,158,82,119,0.087,0.777,0.136,0.8574,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,1,0,2,1,2,6,2,1,3,0,16,0,0,1,0,14,24,11,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,2,1,14,3,16,17,2,20,0,0,1,0,18,6,0,5,12,64,16,0,0.19074113459665945,0.22599705427589603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139274031502149,0.0,0.17831721268738476,0.2169955768879495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20894758959763812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965437027674688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25569952373916643,0.0,0.0,0.18944898479570949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224775385848174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20285536055454007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22379362397587726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654780150126974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229661791058498,0.0,0.21367372390761785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219365502850993,0.0,0.37666771846453206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199598893559166,0.0,0.0,0.21548318978880254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232611647926025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341359518959748,0.0,0.0,0.17560880985697058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300103284556266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13549702938696187,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bekahboo96,2019/02/16,"Advice I have recently been suspecting that I may have PTSD but I feel like I haven't ""earned"" (I don't like using that way to classify trauma but I cant think of another word) In 2017, after the suicide of a friend of mine, my ex boyfriend emotionally abused me into a relationship with him again. In December, he sexually assaulted me (not rape.) I didn't consent but at the time I felt like since he was my boyfriend it was okay. I've come to realize that it wasn't okay and I was violated. I have been having horrible nightmares of the incident, of him committing the act in another way, of him being in my life, of everyone dismissing that he was abusive because they liked him (which happened irl.) When I see someone with a patchy beard like him, curly hair like him or a car like him, my heart stops. I cry all the time when I even think of a physical relationship. I have panic attacks even seeing someone with a similar side profile. If I hear his name or see his photo I just relive memories. Everyone says I'm overreacting, is this true? What can I do to quell the nightmares? Those are the worst.",3.1856415231627437,5.209296926267285,4.688173659956345,81.79286199369392,75.12903225806451,8.80805238903711,28.010914382731023,9.414487439383343,2.64533732718894,871,36,172,23,19,291,123,217,0.22399999999999998,0.628,0.147,-0.9772,0,0,0,0,1,1,29.0,0,0,1,1,6,18,4,1,13,2,22,4,2,1,3,28,34,9,1,1,8,1,3,7,1,1,1,2,0,0,10,6,0,1,6,0,0,3,6,7,0,0,9,8,34,11,21,23,2,20,0,0,3,1,20,7,0,4,15,116,44,1,0.0,0.2926259755535984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067096249317665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25897569444364515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14048533194625934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527708752837824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637390541951754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356456773751104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890728468052152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312520798586955,0.0,0.0,0.23599599173189545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243920081604695,0.08821979199122698,0.1185677650216134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540645771368196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919995645061842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917985636037,0.14633377524142027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722316716768573,0.42230970760107295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488646267634328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435076573311448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192941953202682,0.2651596158241313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820254738634236,0.0,0.0,0.29521164347708473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215048035090693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209261821287448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324142734721044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507573739830592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825214092600073,0.0,0.0,0.1440135939731813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665391094410133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960379199445898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dalexander16,2019/02/16,"Finding out so much about PTSD I am M(42). Was diagnosed almost 2 years ago with PTSD but healing and moving forward is sometimes not the easiest thing to do. When I was younger I was subject to sexual violence by big boy bullies at my school and I believe that I was also raped. This happened at the school showers when I was 13 so living with this for almost 30 years. This event has affected my life and probably has caused problems with relationships with friends and my marriage to my wife (which is really awful). How do you cope? I go to so much therapy. Recently discovered that I wish I had been born female.",3.4521956856702616,5.8075609067796625,4.493636363636366,81.95190292758092,75.52542372881356,8.019722650231127,29.371340523882896,8.841846274778883,2.674193220338983,489,22,89,11,11,159,78,118,0.159,0.782,0.06,-0.93,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,8,3,1,0,2,1,14,4,0,3,0,19,17,12,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,7,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,7,0,14,1,14,10,2,15,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,9,66,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818241454260336,0.0,0.33478484633921424,0.0,0.0,0.13368244705041055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883386363842506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717253466152926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966978999971213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278653237789294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915189901062307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09500418869078094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782418387023066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807416339923657,0.0,0.0,0.14761048299571988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767081301686272,0.2457722262825588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802330290534609,0.15995511492885262,0.3908157993669174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709070577215524,0.0,0.1650560816866585,0.17947353221826365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33836147181082826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533127187285154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911686855199111,0.0,0.11105754386452027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223244482894086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21529861658596047 ptsd,YubYub2201,2018/12/28,"Anyone else find that their memory of the traumatic event is improving with time? So I suffered from a fugue immediately after the event, so maybe its just me, but I'm starting to remember more fine details of what happened ",9.612926829268293,8.713305048780487,9.385487804878052,64.28603658536586,59.487804878048784,13.078048780487805,40.012195121951216,12.161744961471696,5.050404878048783,181,8,30,5,2,59,36,41,0.107,0.7879999999999999,0.105,-0.0147,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,6,4,1,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26451810127608466,0.3876159060950042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31602343175627473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457618893771817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345319009151514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.380055992046872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4285433064867106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677646563387383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22059139451789725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,A1sauce1,2018/12/28,"Need Help Finding Doctors Hello, my girlfriend and I are needing help finding a good psychciatrists and psychologist . She has PTSD, anxiety and depression and the doctors she is seeing now are not helping. We are in the Atlanta GA area and are looking for someone who specializes is PTSD. Any suggestions?? Thank you.",5.398888888888887,8.786569629629632,5.6200000000000045,70.80000000000003,74.92592592592592,8.044444444444443,38.62962962962963,8.841846274778883,4.442762962962963,256,16,36,6,6,81,40,54,0.115,0.7090000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.5956,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,11,12,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,3,2,12,0,3,0,1,2,0,11,2,0,0,1,26,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699916277646182,0.0,0.1541157348339115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351651179088573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4124040508368986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682601139408517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689744168764562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40510156095222266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917498728513514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987588848509123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47099004265892497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605368975686088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069572446412293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547656235915566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fleur-de-frost,2018/12/28,"Feel like nothing is working, just solving one trigger after another on a surface level I have a deep seated fear of being emotionally abandoned/betrayed from a few years ago. I tend to assign it to ridiculous things - like, right now, I’m throwing it onto a female friend of my partner (who’s planning on spending his life with me and works so unbelievably hard to help me get over this). Something in my mind decided she was a threat, and no matter how much he reassures me, none of it is working. Once she’s gone and moved on, I know I’ll find something else that I deem threatening to pull my boyfriend away from me. So I know it’s not her - it’s me. Has anyone else handled this with triggers? You’re able to solve one trigger and think everything’s okay, but really, you’ve just moved onto focusing on a different trigger? How did you manage that? Thank you so much!",3.7307815126050414,5.5932867,4.555126050420171,84.03235294117653,73.17647058823529,7.210084033613445,29.20168067226891,7.957251820313856,2.00546218487395,689,29,130,10,14,222,109,170,0.069,0.8140000000000001,0.11599999999999999,0.6886,1,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,0,4,8,9,2,1,6,1,7,1,0,6,0,24,16,10,0,0,4,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,11,6,0,0,6,0,1,5,3,3,0,2,3,2,19,6,22,12,4,22,0,0,0,0,12,13,0,0,6,86,30,5,0.15636526484368404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13860837274371446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16396261392720096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093342288522006,0.16021469222445184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691031355040296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336842111151909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612462288487041,0.17588987675987694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053101755102235,0.0,0.0,0.17595439508045316,0.07906297615548834,0.11170737644758512,0.0,0.0,0.1429150192715069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080741573742013,0.0,0.08169439714251855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140072564031888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480834098639906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186852050626966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104454108293551,0.15278434017603273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788434276572474,0.0,0.0,0.3323830611390097,0.2298929225561461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003668881202853,0.0,0.0,0.16652390384834198,0.2119143004458832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001715926203018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353508181121426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407552403846524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396012753218818,0.0,0.0,0.10388213394612436,0.10019254795916452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415073253225544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069410392274672 ptsd,scrambl3d33gs,2018/12/28,"Suffering Suffering, Losing My Twin Brother TLDR: Fill your well of sorrow with natural, wholesome joys. This story is tragic, and I’m omitting personal details for a lot of reasons, but my experience is, in sharing my story, that others have found solace. Last summer, after a family event/argument led to domestic violence at home, I decided to move out of the house, where I was living with my twin brother. He had suffered from depression for most of his life, but towards the end, he became increasingly violent and manic. I was scared, and confused, and did what I thought was best for me and my partner at the time, and moved down the street to a new apt. The next day, after working, and not hearing from him, I started to get a sick feeling in my stomach. I ignored it for a few hours, drinking water and laying down, but the sick feeling grew into something else that I can’t describe. I’m sure you’ve heard stories of twins sensing each other, especially in times of distress. It’s rare, but I’m telling you, that shit is very real. So I walked over to our house, and he didn’t answer the door. It was a Tuesday night. He was 32. We were 32. My actual experience is something too horrible and sad to describe in detail, but I did find him, and I’m the one who went in, and raised him up, and took him off of that rope. That tangible, physical experience, mixed with the tragedy of losing my twin brother, my best friend, who I spent my entire childhood with, has left me deeply traumatized. There’s an element to it that took part of my identity itself, as a twin, I’m now now longer part of a set. I’m half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. How do I continue to be a twin without my match? Is a set still a set, once you apply subtraction? Am I still a twin now that he is gone? My trauma experience is a nightmare, literally. My dreams manifest things I don’t even want to go into, and I’ve never been so aware of how many times suicide is mentioned in films, television, even comedy. It’s everywhere, and the suicide rates among young people are at unprecedented levels. My triggers induce a deep breath in me, at the mention of the word, or image, or a roped off front yard, Dad attempting to make the grass grow. Or a bread tie. Or a dog collar. It’s weird how things manifest like that. Unfortunately the mystery leaves me vulnerable to crying episodes in public, or leaving social gatherings early, and unannounced. I attempted to continue to suck it up, and be social, but my loss made me nervous, confused, empty. It left me empty. But, like the dry chalice might be considered to be empty, perhaps the purpose of the chalice, is to be filled. And so it flows into me... It taught me to see truth a little clearer, but this has been hard. Truth requires self reflection first, self truth, whatever that means to you. I had to look hard at myself in order to deal with my grief and my guilt, and I know I’ll struggle to understand these issues for the rest of my life. I’ve been writing and reading about suicide, bipolar disorder (which he had), consciousness, empathy, truth, friendships, spirituality, and sorrow to try to process all of this. I never could have imagined being in this place, on this island. At first, many were supportive, but slowly I became more and more isolated, feeling like no one possibly could understand what I was going through. I slowly lost most of the people in my life, not because they didn’t care, but because they didn’t have the capacity to show it, they just didn’t know how. Who could blame them? I was confrontational, angry, sad, confused, and hoping someone was going to make it better for me. But it wasn’t about anyone else, if I was going to ever feel good again, it was going to be ME who made that happen. It’s amazing how everything can turn on a dime, and never return. It’s like, when he died, he took this.. thing... from me. What it is, I can’t name, but it’s gone for sure, and I’m pretty sure it’s not coming back. So what do I do with it, this emptiness? I walk with it. Literally. I walk and walk the trails on this island all day. It’s winter now, so it’s much colder, and my walks are filled with less pauses, but I persist. I’m in therapy, sometimes several times a week. I do not consume alcohol or hard drugs. I use particular psychedelics with a therapeutic intent, and have experienced profound revelations that have been helpful in moving my mind in a more conscious and positive direction. I take natural herbal supplements for energy and mood balancing, but I find that exercising in a natural environment is the best thing for me therapeutically. I’m lucky to be young enough to be so mobile. I’ve slowly shed all social media, FB, IG, etc, because I found it to contribute to my anxiety, my isolation, and resentment. I was constantly trying to openly share, self examine, and had hopes that others would reciprocate. But people don’t really want to do that. It’s super uncomfortable, and most would rather be distracted by the game, or their phone, or a drink. Finally, after a point in which I felt like what I was saying fell on deaf ears, I decided to no longer share with those who couldn’t hear it anymore. My therapist brought to mind the biblical concept “cast ye your pearls before swine”. Of course I’m not saying my words are gospel, and in fact, I offer no advice to anyone, this is all purely my experience and expression. In fact, I’m in distress a lot, and I’m not saying that any of this made me a “better person”, I’m saying it made me wake the fuck up to myself, and what I was doing. Things don’t get easier, they just get different. Tragedy sometime can birth strength, but often times, tragic events do not make people better, stronger, or more aware, in fact it often makes us more disconnected, more isolated, feeling like we’re unique, and our pain is unique. Victims of trauma can’t be put into order in a filing cabinet, there’s no sense to be made of it. Some are resentful of those thriving, saying “that’s not my experience”. Of course it isn’t. It’s just yours. And this is just mine. And although my situation and personality are unique, I find my pain isn’t. The whole world is suffering suffering. My pain might just disappear, like a drop becomes the ocean, in the great vastness of collective consciousness, if I can release myself of the burden through empathy. Might any of us be strong enough to let the ocean completely envelop us? So it’s been a few weeks now since I’ve been free from Instagram and Facebook, and my urge to check a screen, my addiction to check in on these carefully manicured presentations of digital life, has faded. Leaving me again, more room to be filled with the good things I enjoy in life. Playing my guitar, and reading Melville in the bathtub, meditating outside, walking the sandy trails with the rabbits, listening to my favorite records, and most importantly, spending time with my loving and compassionate partner, who is the most selfless, understanding soul in my whole world. Without love, I would have perished along with my brother, but it’s love that kept me alive, and keeps me going. If I can learn to love myself truly, I know I’ll survive. I hope to someday find a way to have a PTSD service dog, although it seems unlikely, due to the cost of training one properly (about $20K). I absolutely love dogs, and I think about adopting one frequently, but again, it’s so hard for me to initiate important things, I can’t even imagine starting this process. A good friend of mine has a couple hounds who love me, and make me super happy, so sometimes, when I’m really down, I just go lay on the floor over at his house, and let the dogs go to town licking me and climbing all over me. It’s so sensational and wonderful, I smile just writing about it. A pure, simple, wholesome joy. I’m not past the pain, I’m just finding out better ways in which to navigate it. Some days, the seas are choppy, but at least the sails are full. The shores of the seas of my mental landscape, are lined by a great, “mental forest”. My twin brother was a great tree in my forest, and hard he fell, but that break in the canopy has given my forest new growth. Exotic species sprout from the sunlit patch spontaneously, and they invite me in, and we become one, and I enjoy the sun with them while I can. Are you in pain? I already love you.",5.834173329207921,6.479312025624999,6.4002178217821815,77.39179207920796,66.86875,9.536633663366336,31.34158415841584,9.560258804162473,2.8264253712871277,6571,248,1226,128,101,2144,609,1600,0.17,0.6759999999999999,0.154,-0.986,1,1,7,0,1,3,270.0,7,9,8,24,53,106,8,10,86,0,118,36,5,21,21,256,217,111,5,16,52,6,11,7,4,6,18,11,4,8,99,85,6,4,37,12,7,41,33,45,1,8,55,28,154,61,189,136,40,193,3,17,3,8,99,81,3,35,69,850,253,7,0.0,0.0,0.03713196675326058,0.041480848698321665,0.0,0.03718267605282414,0.0,0.04066459615324946,0.0,0.0,0.041989862466751286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051751523207169005,0.0,0.02910865973999005,0.0,0.037736041856155186,0.05321182882050026,0.038987409828907735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029258617848464626,0.0,0.06958600897691634,0.08404795491831525,0.032378319095416434,0.0,0.1197954973872918,0.1346109080336871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759039158827745,0.0,0.0,0.03277728447646487,0.03989540538624693,0.04111925841367888,0.0,0.09114109554469788,0.04210234455676713,0.04179687619620852,0.07361860627693441,0.03922857177554565,0.03277298782265211,0.0,0.0394905898508719,0.0397548533067949,0.04360936638186367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455034454724556,0.044126698942012,0.0,0.06357290738424905,0.0,0.03370160113335942,0.07863303100828396,0.042436557242819084,0.075396329480646,0.034419011040545934,0.0,0.0,0.034197490248019484,0.2233251499416723,0.03587078690346309,0.0,0.0961978146594954,0.05436681500311732,0.036534612022799715,0.041682651000711834,0.17388812317033273,0.06473176390584165,0.0,0.08344119515604696,0.05879570921158257,0.03517723289313364,0.059639716518485784,0.0,0.17300058907181934,0.0957452944876925,0.0,0.12585299980733905,0.0,0.0,0.03364808336483966,0.04050564762794887,0.17042963987492754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577174500317519,0.0,0.02550456320073381,0.0,0.038167926228055614,0.11337870799397795,0.03747224695026558,0.13171609925785688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039715015432813486,0.0,0.03382118537475051,0.0,0.0,0.06273496224939204,0.03101637603229853,0.0,0.12087050190203068,0.08268433238372054,0.0778187797538798,0.13438157374773446,0.13012745342593485,0.03813676936430799,0.03359944027645982,0.0,0.031952980963995424,0.08513793740820759,0.041536803084576086,0.06469864083503349,0.24039551796670455,0.180022328186162,0.12699559430938606,0.07715481773217382,0.0,0.04144833647313625,0.0,0.0,0.07669225502232385,0.121097248888979,0.07684066288192272,0.0,0.0,0.12132552681241282,0.027971621903143718,0.0,0.08804107141085582,0.07349915177107116,0.04046732108229133,0.035707977814803955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040522723574873735,0.12892059968687744,0.0,0.2024429875726952,0.0,0.0,0.0824103389901536,0.036323671709262574,0.10551817906212246,0.0996731366695564,0.0397548533067949,0.0,0.035970183868398044,0.04289641518038667,0.0,0.03871121263384873,0.0,0.0,0.04447919904952279,0.03825143477547607,0.0,0.0,0.07612193760566653,0.043309994804449865,0.04875246933322201,0.03912242789011442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129710709131658,0.03809536041577215,0.0,0.030321458948200937,0.03463990247851844,0.11908544753729497,0.0429864283851415,0.03905846774921159,0.031475908876942287,0.04277054930839763,0.0,0.11636360404715335,0.03224021069524132,0.05858653220257594,0.11289926194369455,0.0,0.053864922621706515,0.0,0.060774631224274775,0.0,0.0,0.039778823800370816,0.0,0.12486377706388678,0.04317945138179363,0.10758692344139524,0.0,0.0286093696919724,0.0,0.03325796426132774,0.0,0.0435142592958105,0.04417976265779082,0.17695422883374246,0.024381334039040598,0.0,0.030207983068748712,0.133125916159255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682708914231672,0.05166781681401855,0.04138820433927207,0.0,0.11883627366436578,0.1373108191812242,0.03286356335001068,0.0,0.031395789183017185,0.04488654411490575,0.06040570424538814,0.06104390739448974,0.0,0.034212123605817865,0.0352733539262338,0.0,0.08496443228357957,0.0,0.07335897945250595,0.041264330380609934,0.027701342215797318,0.0,0.0,0.08109031645369745,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,joseph66hole,2018/12/28,"Stress there is no middle ground. I was diagnosed about 3 years ago. I've been to therapy and recently quit emdr. I always think I am in control. I can handle. Every once in awhile I get a little obsessive and quirky. Stress is not something I can handle. It's always zero to 100 a times I just blow past 100. I can usually bring myself back or calm myself down to where its bearable. I just couldn't today. I just wanted to run. I walked the hall for a long time. I tried naming objects. My hands go numb and so do my feet. I didn't want to go home. I just started driving for a good long while. I still cant calm down. I know I'm driving my wife crazy. I keep locking the doors and windows. I searched closets and bathrooms. I do so good and then I'm reminded of everything. It just hits so hard sometimes I cant take it. If it's not gone by tomorrow. I dont what I'm going to do. (Not going hurt myself). I just cant go back to feeling this way. ",-0.9026374189143064,1.2295918465346567,1.6136804370092186,95.89965346534656,95.88118811881188,4.370365312393308,17.856606350290203,6.129581340695534,-0.18630611130078512,731,22,164,8,29,248,116,202,0.114,0.821,0.066,-0.7779,0,0,1,0,0,2,28.0,0,0,0,2,15,9,0,3,6,0,17,4,2,1,0,26,37,13,0,4,11,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,7,6,0,2,3,0,0,11,10,5,0,1,4,3,28,4,16,31,0,38,0,1,0,0,2,9,0,2,17,103,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356637254695935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319777078889395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143742368692091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634475710793394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148426819594767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16337137689287892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744735996949933,0.0,0.1252803688938796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048293672968944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282879174244881,0.0,0.3961105307104958,0.23383793618141194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487166747693446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982581303732128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922657787762153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390179950186316,0.0,0.0,0.07660853819141128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971167181363586,0.0,0.2467226046071997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845246599167924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306950183515706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482650796301577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376369884631027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731405014402988,0.13786646409402262,0.0,0.09866538929532248,0.0,0.11132203217175547,0.0,0.319355886477466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480863837776096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941177019675554,0.0,0.0,0.0893194939272717,0.0,0.0,0.16256615875227912,0.0,0.13213135396222167,0.0,0.0,0.0946409093687294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352528507669824,0.0,0.16443904989233726,0.11064626170329983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08976662024310934 ptsd,pisschristt,2019/06/03,"Does it ever stop? CW: sexual abuse, emotional abuse Hi, I've never really made a post before but I'm not sure where else to talk about this sort of thing. I've been out of my abusive relationship for almost 3 years now. I was with my abuser for nearly 2 years and my abuser was in her 20s while I was a minor. I'm in therapy, but I can't help but shake the thought that trauma will be haunting me for the rest of my life. I still have a lot violent revenge fantasies (which is a little frightening tbh), I can't have a normal sex life with my current partner (if I can even manage to muster up the courage to have sex at all), and above all I'm still so angry. Does it ever go away? Does it ever become white noise in the background of life rather than full volume surround sound? I'm so tired.",3.049859437751003,3.98582496987952,4.448373493975903,87.808624497992,73.3975903614458,7.220080321285143,22.86947791164659,7.492282038375204,0.7862465863453814,619,15,134,7,12,206,106,166,0.307,0.655,0.038,-0.9954,1,0,0,0,4,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,12,5,1,1,9,0,13,6,0,1,7,25,20,9,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,7,5,0,1,1,1,0,2,4,3,0,0,6,2,13,2,22,12,5,27,0,0,1,2,6,12,0,4,12,89,20,1,0.0,0.6723147906770129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364034771790728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662431287324167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253369352656401,0.09656866222185996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979384317598512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480341770614346,0.12765705005759687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495677022771771,0.3079651393937378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449699952392032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07606761615974078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404766368354928,0.0,0.1137432980421823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096482173373482,0.0,0.10738368073877742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752779353853851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119268535521512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868870701091386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270236496291703,0.0,0.0,0.12184204172000808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812609486323184,0.09487980482227876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695969360118278,0.0,0.0,0.09121615878445016,0.0,0.0,0.12978171582620593,0.0,0.07539539521853524,0.0,0.0,0.09009561320255867,0.0,0.1304360499047718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616318462169958 ptsd,clementhire2,2019/06/03,"I have a lot of anger and trauma surrounding straight men. I can't help but feel that a straight guy would feel uncomfortable with a gay friend, and occasionally, vice-versa. Just from the attitude that I have seen from some guys in HS. Nothing seems to make me think that I will ever be close friends with a straight guy. I just can't see what they would have in common, and I can't see much straight guys really understanding gay guys in the same way. I only hang out with gay guys because I can relate with them better. There’s a deeper connection and a stronger bond, I think. Most of my experiences with straight dudes has been overwhelmingly negative. Most of them were a bunch of two faced evil bastards. They turned their backs on me when I needed them the most. They left me high and dry and humiliated me. They can’t be our friends. Through all this, I learned that all we have is each other. This is a common theme among gay men. Any relationship involving straight men always ends up problematic.",4.644062500000004,6.4483173645833345,4.459291666666665,85.88987500000002,70.66666666666666,8.036666666666667,26.8625,8.648137234880735,1.7239100000000005,802,27,163,14,15,245,112,192,0.168,0.6779999999999999,0.154,-0.5966,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,8,1,6,9,3,1,11,0,19,5,1,1,3,38,31,8,0,3,3,0,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,9,8,15,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,3,5,26,4,20,23,11,25,0,1,3,4,25,17,1,6,6,110,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234712399880394,0.0,0.0,0.08364525633393767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945805819130952,0.0,0.07498058926471111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087848551118792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894284422814696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126192323739284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031909565191015,0.0,0.0,0.12438653577398025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850920241700563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7307451006428789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244533085800915,0.1299578666395822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364151909791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457149976899753,0.0,0.0,0.08210447446553873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042027515975916,0.09120407380215567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180232826274111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093548204024943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879792789799255,0.0,0.0,0.1320576080749847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19603258408362334,0.11197597066271084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762882397064598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379034071330415,0.1201546191613126,0.12804892759882885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763288696665044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475351153928398,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mak2418,2019/06/03,"My trauma (possible triggers, abandonment, drowning) When I was 15 years old my dad was killed in a boating accident along with two of his friends. They were missing for 6 days before their bodies were found. I was the last person to know. Even strangers knew before I did, as it had made the news, but my mom told everyone to keep me away from TV’s, so that I wouldn’t find out that way. It was the day after they were found that my moms best friend came and told me. In the months after this my mom abandoned me, she took off to live in the cabin we had, the last place she saw my dad alive. I was essentially alone in our house for 5 months, having to bike to the store to get food, relying on my friends to be there for me, but I didn’t want to burden them with my problems. For the next year I bounced around because my mom sold our family home, the one I grew up in, and I had only a few days notice that it was happening. I was angry and felt I could not depend on anyone, or trust anyone. My mom destroyed my ability to feel like I could depend on anyone. How could I? I needed her and she left me. It has been 25 years this year on June 18th, and I have NEVER told her what that did to me. I also don’t feel like I can, because his death traumatized her more than me. She’s still stuck in a denial faze, and has been abusing/using chemicals of some form since the day he went missing. I don’t know how to move past this without telling her, but I can’t tell her because I do believe it would kill her knowing she caused me this much trauma.",4.596479241582216,4.3658509068323,5.0915233736515235,88.74398005884278,69.43478260869566,8.145406995750244,26.264138607388034,7.475848149327749,1.0657739130434782,1200,30,272,11,19,384,171,322,0.159,0.742,0.099,-0.9655,0,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,3,0,4,1,9,18,3,0,13,0,33,2,1,7,1,50,59,16,4,8,6,7,3,2,3,2,0,0,1,1,15,13,1,3,10,2,2,5,8,11,0,2,32,4,59,7,41,21,6,44,0,4,1,0,37,17,0,4,23,189,74,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861093763280161,0.0,0.06648811670454002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440311915305434,0.0,0.0,0.07401343867285756,0.0,0.0,0.07811404591810289,0.0,0.0,0.15204660672880513,0.0,0.14149434986776285,0.09367184332860044,0.08725172941574802,0.0,0.0,0.09235130968034966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509156837468737,0.0,0.08540908053979325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914483550442047,0.0,0.0,0.21447720005947324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491408510553728,0.0,0.0,0.07944513379963672,0.0,0.0,0.07837827617291405,0.0,0.0840775409238074,0.1187924104487562,0.07982874528790465,0.0,0.07598969812239183,0.0,0.10053486427231012,0.1823204229040003,0.1927044288198845,0.0,0.04343792981867831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352163134185456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339756445546888,0.0,0.0,0.09593396832762338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389986216169668,0.1839671960292422,0.0,0.1370769537371224,0.13554261260478498,0.0,0.0,0.09033333247170283,0.0,0.0,0.08123733913332824,0.0,0.07341534537090001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786703664675043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4868707883371014,0.1327252829713436,0.08836610947435075,0.061118467025245864,0.06164826602657718,0.06412374344402898,0.0,0.08842178110844857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465699105541843,0.08724287294775315,0.0,0.05633873822634342,0.06323275186751465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936783713456781,0.0,0.07259582989663826,0.08686502696691148,0.0,0.0,0.09372939280324892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955505441089995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877539334137897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663967986431786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453384290028826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383354013989102,0.09237311172603614,0.0,0.0,0.08121702921348661,0.0,0.10000882088516468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049038929095058685,0.06599374279836769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707287501151484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014530552069571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05906123772399775,0.0,0.0,0.21416124348016105 ptsd,StaleCupcakesForSale,2019/06/03,"Does anyone have experience telling their siblings about the abuse you went through as a child? (TW: childhood sexual abuse) Hi everyone. I’ve been in therapy for a little over a month now and was finally told that I have PTSD from the sexual abuse I dealt with when I was a child. No one in my family knows about what I’ve been through—my mom is actually still married to the man who abused me. I have told my current boyfriend about it as well as a few friends over the years but it has always been a secret. I perseverate on it daily and it has had an effect on every aspect of my life. I’m happy I’m making progress in addressing it in therapy and working on healing. However, I want to tell my brother and maybe my sister about it more than anything. My brother (27M) lives on his own and is fairly independent. However, like everyone else in my life, loves and respects my abuser (he is extremely charismatic). My sister (21F) is my abuser’s daughter (we share the same mom though) and I often wonder if she was subjected to the same abuse I went through. She deals with anxiety but seems to have a good relationship with him so I’m really unsure. She also still lives at home so I don’t want to put her in danger either. Does anyone have experience telling people like their siblings about their abuse? It has been over 15 years since it happened but it haunts me every day. I desperately want to tell them but I’m terrified of how they’ll react. Thank you everyone!",3.8834737318840564,5.621136885416668,4.985839371980678,81.6191847826087,72.50694444444444,8.480917874396138,27.10507246376812,9.085049710711278,2.2350931159420284,1165,42,225,25,23,383,153,288,0.14300000000000002,0.728,0.128,-0.8311,3,0,0,0,8,0,31.0,1,2,5,4,16,11,1,0,14,0,22,4,0,5,0,32,40,21,0,4,6,7,0,2,1,1,3,0,2,3,12,11,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,1,1,1,12,0,36,10,38,27,6,29,0,0,0,1,39,15,0,4,13,152,48,1,0.0,0.7061920498422286,0.07270429122020802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059580112659876686,0.06199255845144985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699467762720501,0.0,0.0,0.10418861798064584,0.0,0.06130971403659765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048048344485766455,0.07680943822539807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039635275079264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0622377909968086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255441722247451,0.21357275209472698,0.0,0.14575668135264438,0.07023490446000676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161451876017145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756092039808534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248967652457672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588285689834415,0.07930994931602771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473269709077014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04094496255635801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524750425752473,0.07279691556403803,0.0746716920351945,0.13157522772376262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724196840352352,0.0,0.04973140654631352,0.0,0.07484839104696646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451429132115415,0.059467674106241424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050485237618583936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051651077833663066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870901523322661,0.0748962066024364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04772860203796757,0.0,0.0,0.07998846149934624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782483606033772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061629745082355324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899656478450395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604760189638505,0.06859245676928886,0.17040160576985575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319893038591871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142381834729818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318315993151207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698724617598441,0.13813026458886274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079544810901518,0.05423915369285198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595512436176433 ptsd,beeezkneeez,2019/06/03,Lighting ptsd. Hello. Does anyone have ptsd from the lighting ? I lived my whole life without worrying about the lighting and I even liked it. I lived majority of my life in the city in the apartments so I never experienced it so close. I live in a small town now. And last year our neighbors house got hit by the lighting. It was horrifying Since then I got a major ptsd from it. It’s the season now ... and the dark sky gives me anxiety. I try to shake it off. But having some other issues with my mental health doesn’t make it easier. I would appreciate any advice. Or experience. Thank you.,0.9152225063938636,3.498215591304352,2.747365728900256,87.41404092071613,93.08695652173913,5.488491048593352,18.938618925831204,7.048011613610866,0.621971867007673,463,14,90,8,17,153,77,115,0.061,0.828,0.111,0.6943,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,9,0,5,3,0,1,1,12,11,8,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,5,14,2,12,6,4,17,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,2,8,62,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506591166998111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484504616054474,0.0,0.11794430714217415,0.0,0.0,0.10780352544675463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349205585445556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183187089443224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081382603763088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789977964965798,0.0,0.0,0.24661744928084744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388200226463867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778985383869032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091980943831466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567411257911246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21779830126052985,0.07532266279710925,0.0,0.4084210065839262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291375497685004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537326284645364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891012571930502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5406708891094355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275360768005747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419446538806582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467546273362492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213212815236256,0.0,0.14862027454146473,0.0,0.0,0.1565733302167835,0.0,0.1095222896496741,0.0,0.0,0.09928436417883506 ptsd,cappuccinoicecream,2019/06/03,"More and more nightmares I've had nightmares occasionally for forever but the past few weeks they've been nearly constant. Mostly about my ex, but tonight it was some horrible stuff with like cops holding me hostage and threatening me and my baby. I can't sleep after I wake from them and try not to sleep for as long as possible because when I'm more exhausted I dream less. This is really affecting my life and ability to function well and I don't know what to do :/",4.5310989010989005,6.218020351648357,5.170109890109893,81.14989010989014,70.75824175824175,9.156043956043957,30.582417582417587,9.606745405546679,2.9055230769230764,376,16,72,9,7,121,66,91,0.157,0.7290000000000001,0.114,-0.7485,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,7,5,3,1,0,15,9,11,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,3,0,10,2,12,6,7,8,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,8,52,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788715223748973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976199655082981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513579283052538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945299642390768,0.1345512321768423,0.0,0.0,0.2437288530823882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629096520293556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104829731600717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764344591945637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5512170486772938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31527813150998585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869850582344375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22091699016629127,0.0,0.2476263298596331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GlitterGear,2019/06/03,"Getting over jealousy and bitterness Ok so I have a problem with jealousy and bitterness when I get into a bad state. I get jealous of everyone without PTSD and extremely bitter about the world and I feel bitter towards myself for not recovering faster. The only things that help are to pretend that everyone has PTSD and they just aren’t telling me and I also just have to wait it out. Ideas on how to deal with this? Anyone else have this issue?",3.775323529411765,6.248234458823529,4.379632352941177,82.58709558823529,75.0,7.0735294117647065,28.27205882352941,8.07648339933343,2.132558823529412,359,15,63,6,8,114,59,85,0.282,0.6679999999999999,0.05,-0.9662,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,7,8,5,0,4,1,6,0,0,1,0,19,11,10,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,7,0,0,0,5,8,1,14,11,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,51,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708314770748442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609037705984548,0.21407591239553675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444980904712687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154001081804877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453619273046936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3992876827681052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056424883523234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32747563340920977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004296929206098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23585922413993135,0.0,0.21807112095655115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589024888038262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19992006941754326,0.4884615398117124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826161079924543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388053885529849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20140335723272926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kb8022,2019/06/03,"I guess I misunderstood I honestly thought this thread was about military veterans and significant others of veterans who suffered or are currently suffering through PTSD from his or her service, but apparently I am misunderstood.",12.820833333333333,14.077992750000005,12.080000000000002,40.515000000000015,52.05555555555557,18.311111111111114,56.88888888888889,15.903189008614273,10.464322222222222,193,14,23,10,2,63,30,36,0.233,0.6779999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.6757,2,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,1,4,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,20,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6148367962940963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6524173931667127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4430883196568863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Denpants,2019/06/03,"How to stop getting flashbacks? Every hour or so I just remember the event and it takes me out of it. I start sweating, my heart beats fast, and I can't focus. It's getting really hard to focus or function, sometimes they're really realistic and I can't make them leave my brain.",1.157678571428573,3.70519798214286,3.1228571428571428,86.92214285714287,87.03571428571428,6.057142857142857,22.285714285714285,7.447530270364453,1.1867071428571432,221,8,43,4,7,74,41,56,0.078,0.899,0.023,-0.4108,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,3,3,2,0,11,7,7,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,4,7,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042835567195957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22965597525746656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848181040217266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24417342870788156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230023803585445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26843121378269275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886172939237583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819457561259551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34923671738685363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3087740461655699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26958338846470226,0.0,0.1929298045410248,0.0,0.0,0.2278846884784236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20494228280910454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,disinclineddiscovery,2019/06/03,"Dissociation, derealization, fugue states? What was I experiencing? I just got out of an abusive relationship. Early on, when the abuse was just beginning, I started having these weird feelings of things not being real. Even if he wasn’t being abusive at the time, I would feel like I was dreaming, like there was a veil in front of my eyes or that I didn’t really exist. There was always this sense of dread in my stomach. Now out of the relationship, I’m still feeling this way. It’s almost as if I’m in a virtual reality. I can control everything and remember everything but something about it just isn’t right. I’m currently in therapy and we’re trying to determine if I have PTSD or if I’m developing it. Does anyone know what this is so that I can better explain it to my therapist? Or has anyone experienced this? Is it related to PTSD?",3.363456032719835,5.645152871165648,5.587877300613497,74.35502658486709,75.50306748466258,9.009243353783232,28.044580777096115,9.558583805096642,2.9779189366053176,670,28,122,19,15,234,98,163,0.078,0.8640000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.4792,1,0,1,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,11,5,0,1,6,0,18,2,2,1,0,26,30,13,0,5,12,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,15,4,0,1,6,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,8,6,12,3,18,19,0,20,1,0,1,0,4,9,0,8,10,90,27,0,0.0,0.51291375229825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449505392599074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006870096033324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20179505941161865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762113606234846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184410182116032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627742003110445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953084249887899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259374080135683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21888641102673814,0.10308755503013173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540945118290805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930320328465833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409948436397964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373566672574769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424436386433314,0.0924419218774387,0.0,0.0,0.30984721082494754,0.16346314595438205,0.12323094080654402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108876549254047,0.0,0.0,0.10213589254107616,0.0,0.11523772618295106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501899548447255,0.16754278189524355,0.09586614188225448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414216900031761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796985364687076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145381858432071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025061882492352,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Desirai,2019/06/03,"triggered by freakin' food. tw: childhood trauma We recently had to buy me a new car, mine was just falling apart. it's 20 years old, it was time. but because of this, we have to make some sacrifices so we can include this 250/mo car payment into our budget. I'm picking up extra shifts at work for some OT, and we've tried to cut our grocery bill in half by buying cheap food that can last us days. I tried so hard today, to make red beans and rice. I didn't want it, but I thought, ok I'm making it I get to decide every ingredient that goes in it. nope. very first bite of it triggered memories of my childhood. it tastes like poverty to me. the look, the smell, the taste. I just cant do it. so now there's 2 lbs of red beans and rice he has to eat by himself. it makes me so angry at myself that I can't make myself just fucking eat it. I am more willing to go completely without eating than to eat this. he feels bad because he asked for it even though I told him I didn't want it. but that is okay because he will eat it all. thanks for listening, reddit. &#x200B; bonus: if anyone has any ideas on meals that can be spread out for days and is not rice/beans that'd be great.",0.6473772011121426,2.6928286666666668,2.1249196787148605,96.88550741427248,83.61847389558233,4.794624652455979,20.018690145196167,5.8734145424116955,-0.2110075378436824,914,26,210,6,26,295,148,249,0.1,0.813,0.087,-0.0586,0,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,6,0,0,3,11,10,2,0,4,2,22,11,0,8,1,35,41,13,0,3,9,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,22,9,10,0,4,0,6,4,7,4,0,2,7,9,24,6,30,29,5,26,1,0,3,1,15,9,1,3,14,129,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217201491148317,0.1365051787171356,0.07639493057435726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855061487182606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502256787079144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379905809477794,0.2054439365371844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778616496049216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489978180270596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5747584127333545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741993922662282,0.0,0.09465114436646092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056802388929870176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555619435096,0.27168351493926485,0.0,0.0,0.10385635429168076,0.058692919815648587,0.0,0.06384530914460948,0.0,0.0,0.1238550492432577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063441382343068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681798385525395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157194790847684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054883562035440536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09433715613031612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749385142414832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849849915233614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178817445440842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092202045724353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342741384279927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037330374882212,0.08918526939159667,0.06550625303607907,0.0,0.10648501475437212,0.10734551317960184,0.0,0.1525427285544618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351309726216859,0.0,0.0,0.09269211750008936,0.1325218740964913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829157858494784,0.0,0.0817847276464006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365051787171356,0.07234316151615779 ptsd,bellyydancer,2019/06/03,"Visiting my hometown For those of you who saw my post about taking a trip to Israel to possibly get some closure...here’s a little bit of an update. We haven’t gone to my hometown yet, but we are a “short” 60 miles away. I’m getting a little nervous, but I’m still staying positive that I can handle going back there for one day. I will mention that from the time we left the US, to the time we got to Tel Aviv and then finally to Jerusalem (this is day 3 now)...I’ve probably gotten a total of 15ish hours of sleep. Anxiety has been keeping me up. 😞 But I’m determined to do this. This may not bring me closure, but I am sticking through it to at least find out. I feel like I have more to gain than to lose from visiting.",4.3952465047829286,4.20284625827815,5.488432671081679,85.59628403237677,69.86092715231788,8.830316409124356,30.02281089036056,8.515128840125781,1.9879927888153053,559,20,124,8,9,186,103,151,0.052000000000000005,0.838,0.109,0.8874,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,5,1,0,2,5,3,0,1,9,0,11,1,1,0,1,17,25,6,0,0,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,2,0,0,6,2,2,0,1,5,2,16,1,25,18,5,28,0,1,1,0,10,9,0,2,12,85,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411661468250228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699710847771966,0.14485905542455602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20567134680335986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24298987332396335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525483833620166,0.1345847146400053,0.0,0.2063702900399103,0.17218358982275087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19685033301757052,0.0,0.10706547234488813,0.0,0.1506714176087629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855246316133153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744827086841574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046845539585924,0.0,0.0,0.092037059135934,0.3776293477477236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21075843803734406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276568592004655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123796214952266,0.18042401725002485,0.0,0.2031145642490104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852445750615235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007969745507154,0.15044722410539565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164463582439935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21970158863092354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266080563474957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sadsugarbun,2019/06/03,"Could this cause PTSD? I have anxiety and many other issues and am an incredibly fragile and sensitive person. Today, I was caught by my boyfriends parents for smoking weed and pretty much had the most anxiety I have ever had in my life. I sobbed forever and am currently just so exhausted from so much anxiety. I am avoiding his house and where the confrontation took place and his family for as long as I can. I am thinking of it so much and I’m afraid i won’t be able to stop thinking about it. I definitely had ptsd with a rape experience so I am afraid the same symptoms will occur from this. It was so incredibly horrible. I feel like absolute shit about myself.",3.857822410147989,5.924937488372095,5.265806906272021,78.19693446088796,73.34108527131781,9.342071881606763,28.7815362931642,9.800150414767053,3.0382031007751933,532,22,99,15,11,178,80,129,0.218,0.721,0.062,-0.963,2,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,10,9,3,3,5,0,17,5,1,1,1,20,23,15,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,6,9,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,8,0,0,7,2,16,1,13,12,5,10,0,1,0,1,4,3,2,1,6,78,22,0,0.16347730515409878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3751790729574734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793622428947175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052332589615956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478745817642316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991217327616014,0.15411185419171028,0.0,0.08265903742933528,0.11678821946639825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886308612646943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062783384359975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546885522862073,0.07986675374065279,0.0,0.0,0.14467227073059175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16574032864861415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605238876842223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815222011388975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427420772469505,0.17079898951528474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663151904938005,0.0,0.0,0.3821924429442796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678071045086826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667434713798998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991551439730124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20949931243695405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495737038651838,0.0,0.1816293011363402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Hildarious,2019/06/03,"I confided in someone about my trauma.. it backfired... again I very recently had one of my only friends that I haven’t known for that long confesses their “love” for me during the time I was venting to them about my emotional pain and PTSD. Though I have my many reasons for being upset (such as they weren’t listening to me) it’s more about the timing.. nothings romantic about telling someone you love them and urging them to be with you while you’re in emotional turmoil. It just... sucks how someone can be so not self aware.. especially in a situation that meant so much to me. Maybe I open up too quickly.. and don’t take time to see how the person really is like before I start venting to someone.. but you see, I have literally no one on this planet to talk to. My family consists of my five siblings, my mom, her boyfriend, and my two dogs. My siblings are all way younger than I am (17) and my mother is emotionally abusive and uncaring.. saying hurtful things the last time I confided to her about my depression. I can tell she feels sad about what happened to me because she tried to act like it never happened.. only making me feel crazy and lonely. Her boyfriend is a narcissist that seems to have zero emotions. And my dogs.. well.. they’re dogs. Nothing can replace human connection, not even animals unfortunately. I’ve talked to people many times in the past.. therapists, psychologists, people who claimed they were willing to listen.. only for the professionals to disregard what I say and put words into my mouth to give me a reason to take me to a mental institution, or those people to tell me hurtful things like “things happen for a reason” and “it was bound to happen” I don’t know why I keep trying.. I just want one person to listen to me. I feel like I won’t ever find someone to genuinely care about nor try and understand me. I feel utterly and completely alone in this world. Not like it’s me against the world, no, more like it’s me sitting in a corner in the shadows observing, while everyone are out fighting and living their lives..",5.9108418367346935,6.6566352168367375,6.358873469387755,77.40041224489798,66.7295918367347,9.43526530612245,32.006530612244894,9.490545024520769,2.908609265306122,1623,64,298,31,25,526,199,392,0.126,0.778,0.095,-0.9509,1,3,0,0,2,0,60.0,0,3,7,0,21,22,2,2,14,0,25,4,1,6,3,49,53,24,0,1,7,2,4,6,1,2,1,5,0,4,20,17,0,3,14,0,0,2,12,11,1,6,6,11,58,11,52,42,4,35,1,5,2,2,38,15,1,2,22,217,78,1,0.0,0.08861028221568028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745670441062359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04558941807981979,0.0,0.06363816869217573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625025891918165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841267270641382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441387279736213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33650091859600795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049396061606540094,0.06764905937091079,0.0,0.07146211606666594,0.0,0.0,0.07050246127220433,0.0,0.15125807461663446,0.053427797382392055,0.0,0.0,0.06835389868923733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778019621952025,0.0,0.0,0.07174243744123979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645353390989573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16012190963299086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647405919698925,0.0,0.0,0.041100940609455065,0.06096132922609901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192226967381438,0.0,0.13207645782814734,0.06618407920559596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499624751210915,0.0,0.049920856175439315,0.15164441649317184,0.07513352273555654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536763486874325,0.0,0.0,0.08758954795988821,0.0,0.0,0.05497699828148299,0.0,0.05768029050317065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435201517517577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520326768031275,0.17063648975281914,0.07957856586522416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139258653116724,0.1555435211010648,0.1306021243570043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742191847775993,0.0751815204423043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791042207047288,0.23068025783380094,0.07384307052500909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894713614183122,0.0,0.0,0.11919100024013615,0.06808321182184335,0.07801907789827625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406364221452556,0.0,0.0,0.3168336133893839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293457363072948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246092728095296,0.12022180211714904,0.1961012182674122,0.0,0.0,0.08683338935883131,0.14905533852712805,0.0,0.07347777852589849,0.0,0.21804430007821746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232624797525748,0.0,0.0730559631617175,0.07785583111872167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170704916351486,0.044111268685308826,0.059362383597020466,0.0,0.0,0.06724243117527415,0.0,0.06748357151661925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Jishmeister,2019/06/03,"PTSD, or am I just over reacting? This might be triggering. This is my first time posting here. I never really considered the possibility that I might have PTSD until very recently. I'm currently 31...when I was 19, I entered into my first real relationship. It felt great but at the time, I think he was sexually abusive and I didn't know. He'd guilt me into doing sexual things that I didn't want to do. He'd guilt me into doing sexually uncomfortable things... then at some point towards the end of the relationship, he assaulted me. He violated me....I don't know if it was rape....I definitely said no to him. I told him to get off, and that we didn't have condoms, but he had me pinned down and he kept trying to penetrate me. I had my underwear on though while he was trying.....so he never actually went inside me. Luckily he gave up because I kept struggling so much. The whole experience was horrifying though and during it, I felt frozen and afraid for my life. After, I remember running to the bathroom and I just sat there wondering what the hell just happened. Did he rape me, or am I just freaking out over nothing? Later on, he said that I shouldn't be ""getting him excited"" if it's not going to lead to sex. He acted like he did nothing wrong... Basically, it was my fault. I lived with guilt, shame, and just overall disgust for a really long time. Ever since then, I have not been the same person. I lost trust in people....I can't enjoy sex....I'm afraid to date and fall in love....I'm afraid of men touching me.... I just avoid relationships and love all together. And that was just the first relationship. I don't even want to get into the second relationship, but he sexually violated me too. He purposely tampered with a condom to get me pregnant to keep me from transferring away to college. He thought that I'd decide to keep his baby and stay local with him. I aborted it and moved away of course. That was when I was maybe 22 or 23. That was the last relationship. I've been avoiding dating because I'm afraid of history repeating itself. I've been single ever since and honestly, I'm just lonely and depressed. I never spoke to a doctor about any of this. I don't know what I'd be diagnosed with but I'm afraid. Fast forward to now, there's a good person in my life who likes me. I think he's interested in me....I like him too but I'm still afraid. I don't know what to do or how to behave...I don't know what a good/healthy relationship is supposed to feel like. I'm just nervous all the time and its involuntary...I can't control how I feel. The new person said that I'm hard to read. Like, he doesn't know how I feel about physical touch... I'm sure he can tell that I'm nervous. I just don't want him to think that I'm not interested in him, or that I'm disgusted of him because that's not true. For a long time, I'd zone out...get lost in my thoughts. Oh, and nightmares. I'd have random nightmares of being attacked, violated, raped, assaulted, or just chased. Over the years I've been able to convince myself that it wasn't my fault, and that I shouldn't feel guilty or shameful. I tried practicing self love for a long time and I think it helped. I feel somewhat normal but I never really learned how to cope. I just need help. Or some advise....or encouragement.",1.9574857009454905,4.148945488619123,3.8526191198786033,85.49893801797595,79.6980273141123,7.150984008404343,23.340282479280962,8.189365985712001,1.4049914369090706,2563,87,529,51,65,865,257,659,0.185,0.6990000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.9951,1,5,0,0,0,0,133.0,1,0,0,7,32,54,11,16,21,0,54,11,0,8,10,122,111,46,0,9,32,0,10,5,0,4,4,4,0,5,35,28,0,7,23,1,0,9,24,35,0,4,38,14,69,19,66,63,9,74,1,4,0,7,55,27,1,17,43,332,104,6,0.06279137841668991,0.0743975157015949,0.06127532756945867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042700290531463264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143425780669442,0.11798913397652235,0.0,0.0,0.11483112442293203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042587015359726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05408212222118692,0.06373192734480826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426963650800313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561452380866688,0.0,0.0,0.041473113244629815,0.11359679330430675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0614220168123863,0.0,0.0,0.15874603798650255,0.04485817328719393,0.12057914056618375,0.0,0.0,0.16023094321273773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402951802074842,0.0,0.03568578738208834,0.10533285819829756,0.0,0.06922771637743959,0.0,0.0,0.05552620856216714,0.0,0.05624874157770835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417547473451269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116237244526372,0.0,0.0,0.20705099664841034,0.051183354063240184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870281507476295,0.1533834788968008,0.0,0.05544593753331832,0.16670518190797273,0.0,0.0,0.13708841398615154,0.0,0.17001501168046068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308237935445325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322345932171545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673729805702547,0.04615888800486635,0.046559011469308624,0.19371432800257216,0.06064430455268401,0.0,0.0,0.06152221897637305,0.1205000421673096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448102897124853,0.0,0.0,0.05935814857089965,0.07078784458684463,0.0601367833830328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467995223575028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280837065544781,0.0714703354203877,0.12067729463660234,0.0,0.061998910978145874,0.4719010898150415,0.07113039129842842,0.0,0.17918693986573753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550510197939337,0.0,0.0,0.10388335418897307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692725473344961,0.05014527591449868,0.0,0.0,0.06564318219102859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591801310522905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054882432378221865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343160343015066,0.16093671953871588,0.1233844209703125,0.09969868119564124,0.21968494625796628,0.0,0.0,0.059999852942553465,0.0,0.08526244842120477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051809463238898235,0.11110794557604288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058208236872172525,0.0,0.07010433159283526,0.0,0.0,0.06809457139202599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865251514292882,0.0,0.040435589004139884 ptsd,DOC2023,2019/06/03,"Trip and PTSD This has been hellish. We’re on a trip and I can’t sleep. I was supposed to share a bed with a friend (we’re all girls) and I couldn’t. I have been up 40 hours, I don’t know how I’ll sleep tonight, I’m exhausted and starting to hallucinate. No sleep aid. I tried to sleep on the floor of the hotel room but laying down triggers me as well. I’m just at a loss. We’re going to be gone for 5 more days. Any ideas welcome. I’m so lost on what to do. I’ve been flashing back so much, I’m anxious as fuck. I can’t calm down.",-1.9046311475409825,-0.06553451639343955,0.5378483606557403,104.78742827868857,94.98360655737707,3.705737704918033,15.821721311475413,5.148860815047168,-1.1949360655737702,407,10,111,2,16,136,76,122,0.17,0.726,0.10400000000000001,-0.8287,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,2,0,6,0,12,6,4,2,1,13,22,10,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,2,5,0,0,2,1,0,4,5,5,1,0,6,0,8,5,17,14,3,18,1,2,0,1,4,9,1,0,5,60,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860947532226005,0.0,0.0,0.2136540784880748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542317817707354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196807282793165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611522220575546,0.17484028238411925,0.0,0.0,0.1074824160339228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624711779506475,0.0,0.0,0.2134957678792063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393652951955906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20644905193945468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390264631429287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22107354906690185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7570345034848514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386155628540333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840145370981196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004343037365988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rockdude14,2019/10/25,"Am I going to be lonely forever? It seems like everyone I share about PTSD to first wants to know everything and pretend to be supportive but very quickly bails leaving me alone. Having people around seemed like one of the most helpful things. Should I just lie about it so people can stand to be around me?",4.3468965517241385,6.587246793103452,4.192620689655172,85.66444827586207,72.44827586206897,7.398620689655173,25.393103448275863,8.238735603445708,1.6508993103448275,246,8,45,4,5,75,44,58,0.084,0.721,0.195,0.8047,0,3,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,11,13,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,4,10,9,1,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,4,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335947315880056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4015625261256565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21551618995829855,0.20270368215061052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184692795662106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818139637130746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117685055063693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395264248246783,0.0,0.0,0.2388176795162421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203780266330818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283390723743745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127265082114966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26364792740807536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106521110648113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559437468905993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984087803176335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609675813243232,0.13303122107965445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,secretlysnail,2019/10/25,Just over a week until the “anniversary” of my trauma. It’s been 3 years and life just gets worse. I want to kill myself. I wanted to kill myself last month and was delusional thinking life would get better. It hasn’t got better it’s got worse. I’m tired of having hope that things will finally change then being disappointed. I hate this time of year for all the memories I have to endure. I just don’t want to go through it anymore. Every single day is torture. I can’t seem to attract good things in my life. I’m tired of fighting.,1.8393686868686885,4.106207027777781,3.0983501683501693,90.33621212121214,80.57407407407408,5.779124579124581,20.003367003367003,6.980632752743323,0.37956296296296266,421,11,86,5,11,136,72,108,0.29,0.581,0.129,-0.9741,0,0,0,0,2,2,11.0,0,0,0,2,3,12,5,0,3,0,11,5,0,0,1,13,25,4,2,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,0,10,5,14,18,2,13,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,10,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15018634209710208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26787016986323503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020189866405907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766533216145183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275935041309952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16589352181052647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824077684604845,0.0,0.08606601399923458,0.1270194650773535,0.2422384743314393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951420898474765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504126434370908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33508862111263404,0.0,0.0,0.1234426249354854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208965648812301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087680036875237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378639620890829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121807799600586,0.09703570365776973,0.0,0.0,0.08830503237239931,0.3481126557816217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26796712923794513,0.0,0.12147486471739287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086576265409241,0.10757759610030736,0.0,0.0,0.1950429134173662 ptsd,shiveryourselfskinny,2019/10/25,"One year on Monday : TW trauma On year ago on Monday will be the one year anniversary of a riot that happened when I was in residential care. I think I just feel unexplainably alone, no one sees what I do when I close my eyes. I just don't know how to explain how painful it is to remember trying to run around and stop your friends from trying to kill themselves and hurt themselves. I just don't have the words to explain the nightmares and why this follows me everywhere and how I can't move on because in my mind, my friends are still there, and if they aren't my friends, they're someone's. I don't know how to grapple with it and I don't know how to stop blaming myself for not doing more. I feel alone in a crowd of people who don't get how hard it is for me to act normal, like I never went to treatment and like I haven't seen the shit I've seen. I wish that whenever I talked about what happened it didn't sound like self pity and like I'm victimizing myself, I just need someone to understand. TLDR: OP is sad and doesn't know how to recover from her trauma",4.9731114177302524,4.728162834080717,5.4928251121076235,86.23460848568476,68.64125560538116,8.475888237323218,29.261469472231802,7.882392219407189,1.6169795791652288,844,27,186,9,13,272,114,223,0.18,0.6920000000000001,0.128,-0.9082,0,2,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,0,17,17,3,0,6,0,20,3,2,7,1,44,42,19,1,4,6,0,3,4,3,1,1,1,0,1,10,12,0,2,11,0,0,5,13,9,0,3,5,8,27,8,27,35,1,26,0,3,4,0,12,9,1,1,16,122,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446101574969372,0.0,0.0,0.26746793395669266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149481181436614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871305367870039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165096147557745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057838252936832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992836415654629,0.0,0.06746218495242802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283686129745369,0.0,0.115670126128661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823037229835425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285704976630428,0.0,0.28385363803265296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523346955314209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037886446695307,0.0,0.0,0.1372388335671044,0.0,0.09574412827779596,0.09958872022954876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651452510952513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624941654041044,0.0,0.1373974968414018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951862107098413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627280721833769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289545244352144,0.0,0.13470494086626872,0.0,0.13254437122143406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188134200289293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031189361236352,0.21590760959191166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037853252132875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827377205499725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17533402323844513,0.0,0.0,0.13442308483337406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969963970535255,0.11651471352228908,0.0,0.1484867213365692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494556970879408 ptsd,superzooploop,2019/10/25,"What do I do about it? I have a long history of depression and anxiety and until now I havent admitted that I went through some trauma in my childhood due to my bi polar mother and getting bullied at school. I’ve had nightmares my whole life related to her but I can barely remember all that happened. I only remember bits and pieces of my childhood. And nearly anything before I was 8 is just gone except for a trip to disney world and times I would hang out with my cousins. I don’t feel like I have a real mom, im not emotionally connected to her at all. I went to a therapy intake and brought these things up and the therapist pre-diagnosed me with ptsd to be followed up with my assigned therapist. I never really thought of myself as having true ptsd before. How do I know how bad it really was if I can barely remember it? I guess my body is telling me it’s bad but sometimes I feel like I’m overreacting. I don’t even understand how I can get past it, how does processing trauma work? Especially if I can barely remember? I feel like there’s this wall keeping me out of some deeper parts of myself.",4.061933856502243,5.200240156950674,5.720064461883407,78.8767783071749,71.19730941704036,9.341816143497756,29.632567264574,9.673873057562805,2.8203724215246635,877,35,170,21,16,300,125,223,0.11,0.8270000000000001,0.063,-0.8405,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,5,0,20,3,1,4,4,45,38,18,0,3,7,3,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,13,0,1,11,0,0,7,5,5,0,0,8,3,34,4,28,28,8,26,0,1,0,1,7,10,0,5,12,127,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524876152061142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917028994354381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860899600048956,0.0,0.0,0.18964882805726585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166000175544894,0.12378103907894834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959802563280822,0.11310589288304672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751899687475236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535127534981333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0736028816262638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903721368067573,0.2388311771257215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164421404959999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276007562668287,0.0,0.09854309542304776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037074597699852,0.0,0.0,0.09905004875217532,0.0,0.0,0.06124268955898472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871102850844612,0.16332701103109376,0.0,0.0,0.0986179624220846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051330248839188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594684385751265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475262296846119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067507398413033,0.10637892828991387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26052705045648866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683934786152845,0.1427783920267222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049441781606266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277987786290802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021373414029892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740057732991024,0.0,0.12743756485491373,0.2587731681563509,0.07403358405887109,0.0,0.0,0.08846828289756589,0.06497962908773162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600952252814713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660585294887607,0.0,0.12441508283403176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112723627433348,0.0,0.0,0.07916142608122398,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,smambers,2019/10/25,"Sick and tired of people making fun of others for “triggers” You’re not quirky and funny, you’re downplaying someone’s emotional and physical response to a certain situation/place/action, and you’re making fun of someone from it. It’s fucked up, insensitive and at the best ignorant. I feel like I envy these people in a way that they have no idea what they’re talking about, they’ve never had something seemingly regular ‘trigger’ an episode of fear and panic. I wish I too could be that ignorant.",10.503709677419355,8.279530741935485,10.099005376344092,64.06850806451614,58.78494623655914,13.170967741935485,42.604838709677416,11.698219412168324,5.074658064516129,401,18,66,9,4,131,66,93,0.273,0.547,0.18,-0.8484,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,2,10,1,2,4,0,4,3,0,4,2,20,10,6,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,1,5,5,11,7,1,5,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,2,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218112315957418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875524617087312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377536434528652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23784085407617694,0.10687090689623104,0.15099695468677826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19540063330420154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23860181236559755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326072827086097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821713649880769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301529612182414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479876017123572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930634009286931,0.0,0.2208281571396606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241589872805148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581724353845192,0.1627166856793173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698846564525287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24292936495451894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16776920601732528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430557074440407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,xicanasteez,2019/10/25,"Vent: I cry about money.. Hello everyone. Thank God I found this I'm not looking for pity but I'd like to think I'm not alone here.. When I was 9 years old my mom came home from work early and it was the happiest day of my life simply because my mom worked late hours and I wouldnt see her as often as I'd like to. I didnt realize until much later that my mom had been fired from her job because SHE got hit by an imbecile on a forklift on the job and they sent her home then later fired her because of it (so much for worker rights) anyway, up to that point my family was a 2 parent working household and things were great.. then the problems came in and basically, my whole life (I'm 30) I've been ""afraid"" of money, even in talking about it to my partner or family. I hated money because I remember how much my family stressed about it, even at such a young age. Fast forward to right now.. I have a decent job, however, we recently moved out of our apartment and the apartment screwed up our forwarding address and never informed us about the ""remaining balance"" despite me calling them twice and them being unable to provide information. I get a call that we've been sent to collections, and while I do have the money and paid it , I just started crying out of nowhere because it always takes me back to that moment or that period of my life which essentially ruined my parents relationship and deteriorated my family. I am traumatized. I used to see a therapist who diagnosed me with PTSD and depression and I was doing well with her but since she moved fields I havent connected with any other therapist I've tried. I like to think I'm in a better place because I have a regular gym schedule and it releases my stress and anger.. I know I should go back to a therapist.. but a part of me wonders if I will ever get over this. I'm sorry for the rant and the bulkiness of my writing. Thanks for reading. Please let me know that I'm not alone here.",4.567849695061973,5.300019923273659,5.787020460358063,80.35766230572499,69.71611253196932,9.084438323824513,29.360712177847727,9.265573868473778,2.430914145189848,1534,56,305,30,26,514,201,391,0.141,0.768,0.092,-0.9782,6,2,0,0,0,0,41.0,4,0,3,5,20,18,3,3,19,0,22,5,0,2,2,53,53,31,0,4,10,5,2,3,1,3,4,0,3,1,19,24,0,0,10,2,5,9,7,10,1,1,17,5,52,8,47,30,5,52,0,3,3,1,31,19,1,5,31,210,71,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947952048818578,0.0,0.0,0.0640629234642194,0.0,0.0,0.052356719420163525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11840310393813824,0.0,0.2815990658275885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809254207455755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723343670001474,0.17611505707689828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914264037283874,0.049653014688606,0.0,0.06631248789034043,0.07814454179508899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170404587902188,0.06964303240140142,0.0,0.07356847990178524,0.0,0.0,0.2903221561640804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441697890474988,0.0,0.0,0.08044954584380609,0.0,0.043755926107221836,0.0,0.06157697034317682,0.08488317239437898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601296233347724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445708883753065,0.0,0.07582091494251336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22920593521191115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08462480233164006,0.0,0.08684953206877473,0.0,0.0,0.07872881346667261,0.1631436815597072,0.11284217041620925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465329541210432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705138157124596,0.0,0.16365912014846282,0.16979237737762926,0.0,0.059380431565348425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078941072990084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17097943926084228,0.08337406762996158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043951447926792,0.08451331972111475,0.07278165772050252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367026955073849,0.08999870150090067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701212799060139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601961359130928,0.08265983555214013,0.08721612647375677,0.1315002871884402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270418493429362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368799321974014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618544920314088,0.05449483349511988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638653213220498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057887870691420734,0.061882684977876565,0.0,0.14176647707402248,0.0,0.2681784760147439,0.05114959403318445,0.09866582363276194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227203414196779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261104585521032,0.06649575737414913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922441873748073,0.0,0.0,0.08595802917639779,0.0,0.0,0.08349377308760028,0.16815173491398042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049579868467612816 ptsd,ghostographic,2019/10/25,"anyone have any advice on projecting? i told my counselor about how one of my biggest issues is projecting trauma onto other people and she only kind of explained why i probably do it, but didn't really give me any advice on what to do about it. has anyone dealt with this and figured out ways of not doing it? i hate that i do it because it's not fair for me to be projecting past things onto other people that have nothing to do with it",8.111629213483145,5.860308674157307,8.865028089887641,71.13439606741574,63.382022471910105,11.147191011235957,33.48595505617977,9.516144504307137,3.0381213483146063,348,10,64,5,4,119,57,89,0.053,0.902,0.045,0.2533,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,11,0,0,1,0,11,15,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,0,9,1,16,12,0,8,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,56,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241728973463903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2951857675559441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035152119205446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323039928620588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20820206378843975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21427951253537944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22653067170798205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22601106764725976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20825325188052066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707016842770648,0.16506673312314846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20718676957634907,0.30093283006251104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23400304034828745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390397247126942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419001364174214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20738854962873354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227419665555066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19584250776372972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,i_c_u_seeing_me,2019/10/25,"""Everything happens so much"" My gf and I try to lighten the mood as much as possible to avoid/deal with triggers, this has become one of our go-to's (I'm sure many of you have already seen it): [https://twitter.com/horse\_ebooks/status/218439593240956928](https://twitter.com/horse_ebooks/status/218439593240956928?lang=en) Hang in there everyone :)",31.7754347826087,21.26373436956522,20.56304347826087,29.5667391304348,31.39130434782608,21.87826086956522,63.39130434782609,14.554592549557764,8.124243478260869,295,8,37,4,1,71,40,46,0.0,0.883,0.11699999999999999,0.6486,0,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,1,8,4,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32495911336134525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252231289363777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813822941727569,0.2646540249799357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673562222318657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26040217076693123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985501700756489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329441879035344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995430387581448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3319749154795717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775380309828678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999283512120883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,axredraven,2019/10/25,"Vent: I'm tired I was diagnosed with ptsd 5 years ago, because of some traumatic events that took place 7 years ago. I fought with depression too for 2 years of my life, finally removing every kind of medication exactly one year ago. It's been a couple of month, I think, that I'm feeling tired. Always. Sometimes I don't want to wake up, I don't want to eat, I don't want to play videogames. I'm attending an art academy and I love what I'm doing and studying. I appreciate my friends and I'm in love with my boyfriend. But everything seems to be nothing when I open my eyes in the morning, some days more then others. I don't associate this feelings with depression. I do associate them with ptsd. Because the abused started around the second week of November, 2012, and continued until February, 2013. Every year this is the worst period for me. Nightmares, mood switches... I don't feel myself. It's hard to get up, it's hard to prepare something to eat. It's harder going for a walk. It's like in October my mood goes down, reaching the end during Christmas time and during the month of February. I don't know how to stop it beside of forcing myself to get up and do something. Even though lot of therapy taught me lot about myself and about my illness, I'm feeling lost in these days. TL;DR Some months are harder then other because my mind recalls the abuse. Although I did lot of therapy, I feel lost and lonely.",3.1224820143884884,5.248228269784171,4.2820517985611515,84.1683438848921,75.65467625899282,7.61346762589928,27.66676258992805,8.488131031819089,2.1444798273381296,1121,46,214,22,25,366,145,278,0.18,0.745,0.075,-0.9771,0,2,2,0,2,2,40.0,0,0,1,2,8,15,1,0,10,0,15,12,2,1,1,37,43,16,0,3,1,0,7,1,1,0,6,0,0,0,14,15,2,1,8,2,0,5,6,7,0,2,8,8,28,6,38,34,8,42,0,5,1,2,5,11,0,7,27,132,42,1,0.0,0.22429826859621385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517143318339998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787594452790358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426184398415967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310001648662507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473249786921346,0.0,0.1220875876977612,0.0,0.1630501537830382,0.09607149393990944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937086923019756,0.0,0.0,0.083835066812718,0.0,0.0,0.06251786371050662,0.0,0.15949961752555172,0.0,0.08506862532807519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239298726114036,0.0,0.0,0.10368848108278443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312919927081847,0.0,0.09890528344600784,0.0,0.0537938683019992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695822128953881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985672432342735,0.052019187761627686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685669424998335,0.04624300747595902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206651348581493,0.2414135246408873,0.17085728555886398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535362570318567,0.0,0.0,0.09557323524701912,0.0,0.22665499577550596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082275990338907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413978401510849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889295081016028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22129017605646464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616915639055728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573805624524686,0.09361491096227048,0.0,0.06699636270964486,0.0,0.0,0.07913471576667877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164894671285649,0.0,0.0,0.060650256943516764,0.09299676116333742,0.0,0.05519332267306897,0.21758096476435265,0.0,0.0,0.10516372253685068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748758063338476,0.0,0.07592547360992828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30476933664272354 ptsd,BadPatience,2019/10/25,"How to be taken seriously about a trauma I barely remember? Therapist said If I don't remember it's better this way. Also I have a new trauma which I do remember and he just changes topic.",1.912105263157894,4.294683631578948,5.504473684210527,72.51881578947369,81.10526315789474,9.06315789473684,25.28947368421053,9.516144504307137,3.0699789473684205,150,6,26,5,4,56,30,38,0.272,0.728,0.0,-0.8274,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,6,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,4,1,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18898623816193744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090071843975315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24999683833410086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282408014576952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8031186590910084,0.0,0.22479588735975653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27438750500502473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758102668349969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gizzielle,2019/10/25,Cant leave my room I've developed agoraphobia in the last few weeks. With an intense fear of someone coming into my room. They do inspections where I am and inspections aren't something I can get around. They bang on the door super loud and it sends me into a panic attack. My room use to be like a safe place but now it feels like a coffin and its suffocating. I try to go out and I get such bad anxiety being around people. Heaven forbid I see someone who looks remotely like my attacker. But staying in my room I get flashbacks. I've been trying to woke on my PTSD with my therapist but i dont feel like I'm getting better.,1.3926785714285683,3.7475098750000018,3.4632142857142867,86.51750000000001,83.0625,6.4696428571428575,21.642857142857146,7.7094869923839395,1.1063419642857142,496,16,99,9,14,168,83,128,0.14800000000000002,0.667,0.185,0.5145,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,2,5,14,2,2,6,0,9,0,0,1,0,20,22,7,1,0,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,4,12,0,2,2,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,2,5,17,8,15,18,1,22,1,0,2,0,4,15,0,0,7,62,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805656884964705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747601352890006,0.0,0.35112907400624205,0.0,0.0,0.1288531456860774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648603262863526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132935482982205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18086524771541646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17365612673650613,0.15606055422650922,0.220496570294986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32250930878667605,0.0,0.08770524019836631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257937316671814,0.0,0.16340563091476046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30157742554633177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295923388717545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106463063006967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069880430996194,0.0,0.16123454732865886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803951700927381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297534266142254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615145243833329,0.11880528053192042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644876401174966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918073997770162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955018978888987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328540592149574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237884931931174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rogue_avocado,2019/10/25,"Illness related PTSD Two years ago my two children and myself were all sick with the flu and alternating stomach bugs for 3-4 months. There were multiple hospitalizations from how sick we all were. I had a complete breakdown surrounded around this. I’ve never been comfortable with vomit but ever since this happened in 2017 I can’t even hear the phrase “tummy ache” without going into a full panic. It’s like as soon as I hear it, my entire body is tense and shivering cold, my stomach is in knots, the nausea grows and my heart is pounding. It took me a long time to understand that this is something that’s abnormal. It’s like I’m reliving this traumatic horror and to me, this is the worst case scenario. I cannot function when my children are sick now, my husband has to take charge in these situations so I can try and calm down. Why is this so hard to deal with?",5.537735341581495,6.3494729940828405,5.9024098977945165,80.10954814416355,67.57988165680473,8.98569123184508,30.748251748251747,9.095868883498916,2.509066272189349,692,26,132,12,11,222,111,169,0.23199999999999998,0.718,0.05,-0.988,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,1,0,0,0,10,6,0,1,7,0,16,10,4,1,4,20,24,13,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,6,2,0,2,13,12,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,2,0,2,6,4,15,4,18,18,4,21,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,12,92,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540950654848995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560708700895112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473962450826893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838183889378797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18074594791811768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579639044299217,0.15858585962606336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099637694054641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503380439654554,0.0,0.15705117682484754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3951939786106153,0.2077535799901679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130378522657186,0.0,0.0,0.15515158957098724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399377651386618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521663919631266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569879553412945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493825370048946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502549364016695,0.19706563680057387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496895016696825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181789217059742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222978142202033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19478559810848306,0.11902993282986457,0.0,0.34252191609312554,0.18251301673195544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819791581909032,0.0,0.0,0.16900103265694888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11289953624887406 ptsd,amitoughenouss,2019/10/25,"I had a new traumatic experience that set me way back in my recovery. I had a really abusive childhood, and I have been doing well, therapy and so on, getting better, then I had a new traumatic experience In the hospital that involved really mean nurses, it was like a remix of all my ptsd nightmares brought to life, and now I’m scared of everything. There is a marked lack of compassion from everyone because I had been at an event and had too much to drink. (Which is not a frequent thing for me) I don’t really have a substance issue. Never have. But yes, I drank too much that night. So I was drunk, rather drunk, but that doesn’t make me a garbage human who deserves to be terrorized by sadistic nurses for hours. I am so haunted by my experience. I can’t sleep, I have been vomiting a lot, I keep hearing noises, and having dreams about my abuser, and everyone in my life seems to think I should just be able to shrug it off. I’m really traumatized by the experience. Im scared all the time. And I don’t know what to do. All my other trauma was long running, chronic every day abuse from a cruel parent figure, I’ve never experienced an isolated individual deeply disturbing event like this before. I have exactly zero ability to handle it. I just keep replaying the experience over and over and I want to make myself feel safe and strong again. Thanks.",4.0479884120948775,5.825611372623577,5.536110809342748,77.67770595690749,72.15589353612168,9.268078942603657,27.73293499909469,9.725611199111238,2.7649885569436905,1073,40,200,28,21,362,146,263,0.205,0.682,0.114,-0.9844,1,0,1,0,2,0,33.0,0,0,0,2,14,13,1,4,16,1,29,9,1,2,6,37,46,16,0,4,6,1,1,2,0,1,4,1,0,1,13,10,4,3,6,4,0,2,7,6,1,1,13,3,27,7,27,30,7,29,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,19,149,40,0,0.10438510485730862,0.3710378402317436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802657023272799,0.0,0.06363219105350065,0.0,0.08882403590731328,0.0,0.0,0.09232014248072017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731975706869922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225766293569767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794895293493858,0.19948888203310453,0.0938146014553326,0.5105433124083267,0.0,0.0,0.05278024543732225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453690895162299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176495996525258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279830150630898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275382581982032,0.10895092936937263,0.0,0.1855645548060592,0.0,0.0,0.05736732372324604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746057319003655,0.10199457907594288,0.0,0.0,0.09237753299103198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874448330300926,0.0,0.0,0.1393557361117534,0.0,0.0,0.11370598073170005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534701255484475,0.0,0.16101645600709466,0.20163156947189653,0.0,0.09795834966765432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590730579973843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202060155935135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674870844198532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901540018188305,0.0,0.0,0.09502827903173393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044604905316511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096103779971476,0.11937346465642708,0.0,0.06934882536481166,0.06688576030676392,0.0,0.0,0.060867794085073375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615690393696503,0.08285603750903878,0.0,0.0,0.09385474541384684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PDiddyWreckingBall,2019/10/25,"Revelations In Sept of 2015 I came home from out of state and one of my sisters coworkers drugged me and tried to take advantage of me while I was out. Luckily my sister was able to lock me in my room because she kept trying to lay with me and ""take care of me"" this triggered tons of thoughts of my past abuses and I began having terrible time dealing with it, having nightmares and flashbacks the next couple months. She denied it completely and said it was just me being too drunk. I never black out. I already had a huge breakup that year and isolated myself in a new state with a new job. Xanax was my coping and I got addicted. I'm beginning to understand why all this began surfacing again. Also my ex fiance called me a textbook psychopath so I was beginning to lose who I was anyway. The next year I lost all of myself when I tried to explain a paranoia attack from a past abuse trigger where I thought I was being hunted and tried to kill myself. I got taken very unseriously. The rest of the next 4 years narrates itself. I'm so glad I'm processing why I went insane.",3.718931234465618,5.41238376525822,4.863606738470036,82.50919635459819,72.84976525821597,7.640872687103009,27.083402375034517,8.313332769828598,1.892358961612815,854,31,162,14,17,281,118,213,0.162,0.772,0.066,-0.9654,1,0,1,0,2,1,15.0,0,0,0,3,9,8,2,0,10,0,12,4,0,2,3,27,34,14,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,8,16,1,1,4,1,0,2,1,5,0,1,20,2,32,3,27,12,4,34,0,2,1,0,10,10,0,0,20,114,40,2,0.11958462466975472,0.2833764512222476,0.0,0.1303648922435912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196460698314325,0.09563178114366797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604477435879114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289767725432543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210927215039585,0.13677295291468655,0.12192449474826075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538220377354295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13231811266117058,0.0,0.0,0.12328649709126872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868019901129788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19128549722353366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995312887807742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866928777443952,0.0,0.13230266926090745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378460644311346,0.13054074417920772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545130650752984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223103470357977,0.2309911513700232,0.3815388149828165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103363655063762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283141110592172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375236266443962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982551052297782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898736685111744,0.06973075631901117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247604416393567,0.0,0.0,0.12449181165951552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986698392675882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108561451359499,0.21581304713188584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310257326541789 ptsd,iGetHighPlayRS,2019/10/25,"I really struggle getting close to someone in a relationship. It’s like as soon as I think I might start to really like someone, my brain flips a switch and I’m repulsed by the thought of them. I have to force myself to see them when I’m anxious and end up having a great time. I cannot feel love. I’m honestly so sick of this cycle. I just want to love and be loved and it’s like I’m not capable of it. What is wrong with me and how do I fix it?",0.4221555555555554,1.8806252600000024,2.9033333333333324,94.03722222222223,81.4,6.4444444444444455,21.11111111111111,7.3871296695380915,0.4350777777777779,346,10,86,5,9,120,63,100,0.215,0.608,0.177,-0.6433,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,5,10,0,1,4,0,7,5,1,1,0,15,21,10,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,2,12,8,14,18,0,8,0,0,1,3,6,3,0,1,8,54,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195600892034962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21695878521700088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213634230888392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826915871485087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015398112907356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21427147204580044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28484866059889835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5262251700466047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061745514199899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490110697215512,0.0,0.0,0.2086590798059491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487172304243604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293441117165936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756187313120932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031767334510274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453158072472807,0.0,0.15429212675702825,0.1133270008126813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463261778352245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21249112709596552,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CatLadyAM,2019/10/25,"Work trauma and going back to work - panic and ptsd I am having trouble getting through interview processes to go back into normal FT work. The interviews themselves trigger trauma and also cause panic and flashbacks about multiple places. I have had therapy and EMDR, but I’m still struggling big time with panic attacks leading up to phone calls and in-person interviews. The usual “ground yourself” stuff does not work. It’s not enough to calm down for 5 minutes — my entire perspective is wrecked and I still have the overwhelming urge to flee the situation. I can’t count how many interviews I’ve cancelled and jobs I’ve turned down as a result. Does anyone have any advice or help that could get me through this? I want to work, but it’s terrifying that I could end up in a similar situation as before (multiple workplaces caused the trauma).",6.459155844155845,8.163339850649352,6.420649350649352,73.96525974025975,66.07792207792208,9.236363636363636,32.83116883116883,9.573946990214177,3.3528129870129884,683,29,109,14,11,216,100,154,0.19699999999999998,0.7709999999999999,0.032,-0.9772,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,6,7,11,1,5,7,0,10,0,0,6,0,25,17,15,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,10,0,0,1,0,8,1,19,14,1,20,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,1,7,70,14,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787573345436204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646571623860817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203079233403042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434550732380683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372311217264155,0.0,0.1855101033529136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264506260844304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317409815537048,0.0,0.0,0.24783520833248496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262238270859766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21112376263562188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068401033464446,0.12464038616630263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260457122135653,0.0,0.13711070241358084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085402700571055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970411618172384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222972859295699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181892747324748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245909132418098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10532722348017998,0.12602999540032014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100701638517055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27118058220505104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19266645092468127,0.0,0.0,0.12610598615223673,0.13808955328646233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794798478006187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703388274455312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312080103088803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285407760653595,0.0,0.0711491865493934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43909104695940543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ghostsjogging,2019/10/25,"I’ve finally found the root cause of my trauma. Tea recs to help soothe me please? I got to the root cause and had a good cry. I know it’s still a long road ahead of me learning to accept what’s happened and how it’s shaped me. Downside is it’s been 24 hours and tho I feel calm and anxiety free, I’ve had a terrible stomach ache since. My stomach is often the first to riot against my PTSD, which I know is pretty common. Anyone have any favorite tea or other such remedies to suggest? Thanks a bunch 💛",0.19833817126270148,2.4813328396226453,1.8390566037735847,96.40035558780843,88.52830188679245,4.393613933236575,19.474600870827285,5.8734145424116955,-0.17960145137881026,395,12,87,3,13,128,70,106,0.156,0.612,0.23199999999999998,0.8466,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,0,7,0,7,4,2,5,0,17,14,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,5,1,10,6,9,9,1,9,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,7,51,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461261561958255,0.0,0.1643830479265079,0.0,0.0,0.15024949079397942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4414830740162655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360362161745483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865007265087201,0.0,0.0,0.2353911611993805,0.0,0.182777303104114,0.0,0.2356054539250706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18023162720984087,0.17185962157452278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19001817843226684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402991660969922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116140770946245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23618548336303444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190162542588077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358743384796431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186107906899244,0.0,0.0,0.25118388735176056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777514280515125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160390080637938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19783315877763435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ExpatEcho88,2019/10/25,"Has anyone else moved away from the region where their trauma occurred and then moved back? I'm getting ready to move back to my home town after 7 years being away and avoiding it. I'm getting ready to graduate with a masters degree in a different country, after which I will temporarily move back to my dad's house until I transition to something else. A lot happened in that house. As a child my mother homeschooled my brother and I. Really at times though she wasn't actually teaching me. She was basically on her death bed for years, in and out of the emergency room. On top of that she was very mentally abusive, somewhat physically abusive, and also neglectful. Then she died in that house when I was 12. My older brother basically took up the abuse after she died. He'd follow me around and yell at me, chase me when I tried to get away from him, bashed holes in my door when I tried to lock him out of my room, dragged me by the hair, punched me in the face causing me to have to go get stitches when I was pregnant... you get the picture. I moved out of the house to get away from him, and moved in with a significant other who became violent. I escaped that and have moved to multiple countries and states, getting an education and avoiding my home town. I have so much anxiety about moving back. I want to move back because my dad is getting older, and he had cancer last year, and it could come back and he could die. I want to spend as much time as I can with him. And I'd like to reconnect with old friends that I've known since I was a toddler. But I don't know if I can handle being in the same town with my brother. And I know my ptsd is kicking in not just from what happened with him but from everything bad that happened to me there. Has anyone else left the area of your trauma and then returned to it? How did it go?",5.415266798418973,5.502415250000002,5.8760276679841885,82.72747035573123,67.69565217391305,8.756126482213437,30.857707509881426,8.438071523408619,2.123348913043478,1444,52,296,19,22,466,173,368,0.11800000000000001,0.848,0.034,-0.9834,1,2,1,0,1,0,36.0,0,2,1,2,19,9,1,2,16,0,24,3,2,2,0,47,46,34,4,5,5,6,1,1,1,1,1,1,6,1,14,27,0,3,3,0,1,14,3,7,0,0,9,2,51,2,64,31,5,73,0,1,0,0,26,31,0,3,28,213,65,2,0.0,0.2265183159628183,0.06218838483252506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050962479824406284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04875100061083011,0.0,0.0,0.08911883688577146,0.13059173849715794,0.0,0.05673056422792131,0.0,0.0,0.2394945555034641,0.2940128970574922,0.05320940499337679,0.03884740367575621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546521031980278,0.0,0.05489519029068282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176168980319192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984157759723659,0.06658117876792641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970725933822216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727374200192649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923534235673181,0.0,0.2663579276081027,0.0,0.0724350751533186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16906079640818822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278468065159151,0.0,0.0,0.29412972830002865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004541398239728,0.05194603188201749,0.0,0.0,0.06923960042390839,0.0,0.0,0.03113380602257302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05417843877118463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422185364829386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6095856921521641,0.09369339355825212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687079395225998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449348336204986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0408251648044479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05271565460563425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049060178185915584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261147967705476,0.0,0.07431948290724677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080307092431598,0.08653293526943187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258147064517811,0.07517570232055525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231143464913582 ptsd,saltlickbastard,2019/10/25,"Medical/illness related ptsd? So hey, this is something I've been thinking about a lot recently. I'm diagnosed with depression, general anxiety and ocd and take medication. I've had very brief therapy experience and am not currently in therapy but I'm wondering if I should see someone about the possibility of trauma. Sorry if this is a long one but here we go. As a child I had a debilitating chronic illness which came on very suddenly and meant I had to leave school and I became bedbound with a lot of pain and mystery symptoms. 'Suddenly' as in my life changed basically overnight. Took a loooong time to diagnose too. I was never admitted to hospital long term but did an extensive pediatric tour and being a kid, didn't really know what was happening, if I'd ever get better, etc. and became almost totally isolated from all my old friends too. I also saw the effect my illness had on my family which was really rough. I've been depressed since childhood but only sought help at age 20 because as a kid I was scared if any doctors knew cps would take me away (reports of kids with depression + my condition being wrongly perceived as a result of abuse) plus I didn't want to cause more pain to my family... Then the secret had been kept too long to spill I guess. I'd always been an anxious child too. I also don't remember much of my childhood but I don't know if there's an abnormal lack of memories. I get angry hearing other people with the illness talk about it... I panic and get upset when I think about how I was... The times I've been forced into talking about it/remembering being ill I get very emotional... No one who I've made friends with after getting better knows about my illness and I plan to keep it that way. But I've only heard of medical trauma in like, kids who had cancer or really serious stuff. I don't know if this is a trauma or I'm just oversensitive? and I feel like I can't even tell how much this is affecting my life if that makes sense because I don't want to think about it. I'm used to being extremely repressed but finding the right snri has made more actual emotions creep back into my life lol. I'd just really appreciate any responses and opinions because it's taken a lot to share even this",4.340467315524261,5.842736414578593,5.88702008697453,76.54973631531719,70.95899772209567,9.603672257886382,30.387312763166967,9.946784424281523,3.186100379650721,1782,75,329,47,33,606,218,439,0.212,0.7120000000000001,0.076,-0.9961,1,0,1,0,1,0,42.0,1,0,0,4,25,21,0,4,20,1,36,19,0,10,4,86,77,40,0,12,19,0,2,2,2,2,19,2,0,6,18,22,0,3,17,0,0,4,10,14,0,2,29,6,33,7,45,42,12,35,0,3,2,0,21,10,0,16,22,215,51,3,0.0,0.09272078499957903,0.07636674988093395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836226715627534,0.0,0.0,0.12516288887525864,0.06511541652200571,0.0,0.0,0.10643378130171864,0.0,0.05986576882674372,0.08840721652522006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352426368377464,0.06017417730503932,0.0,0.14311273566692947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842247588664708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950423019458416,0.0,0.08039066066530809,0.08278466940213176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220581747264424,0.15885676496641613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009852335071861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760553546672945,0.0,0.0,0.08727633454766383,0.1033749468689874,0.07078720135533001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654956703049842,0.14754593688461193,0.0,0.039568679461607255,0.05590623559956589,0.0,0.0,0.07152473714981862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092107184273447,0.0,0.20442813890437933,0.0,0.0444747944631217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620801261545254,0.0,0.06920168768248418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882004101887972,0.0,0.05245347254874083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955769462341974,0.0,0.0,0.17203021510546,0.0,0.0,0.08286200268779456,0.0,0.0,0.16582397747781644,0.07646404015059256,0.0,0.0,0.2077627886393724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995918350534796,0.0,0.14809579251138208,0.05223661246413152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576697507847754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505460337372825,0.0,0.06035599572338736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211670410550456,0.0,0.10605683513840013,0.11903471308174562,0.16654020079079693,0.09181677415853427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0542529866642542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822209258769283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147729478727147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005316689195378,0.0,0.0772685437249011,0.0,0.1772980093843677,0.06683035607812306,0.0,0.0,0.07834809504777561,0.07919943910055316,0.062360049143341915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473432652929564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630621325911612,0.06024543597212675,0.0,0.08760139437178688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958461143893003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133814200883555,0.11767782698050484,0.1257987175713289,0.06839935668290002,0.0,0.17898553976301118,0.0,0.0,0.15043021427024875,0.0,0.0,0.09126362387031647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694550312957085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758821958511305,0.0,0.193708649675294,0.09231505323217264,0.06211611868208081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486549657118693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559094993571382,0.08556085557721636,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thecaptainkindofgirl,2019/10/25,Any advice for coming down from a triggered panic attack? I've had more triggers this month than I've ever had. Usually it only happens maybe once every couple of months and I can come down after a day or so depending on how bad the trigger was. This whole month has seemed like a continuous panic attack. I haven't fully come down in weeks and another episode happened a few hours ago and I don't know what to do. I'm having nightmares and I've never had them before.,3.234893617021278,5.1379820106382965,4.558457446808512,83.30875,74.63829787234042,6.402127659574468,23.45212765957447,7.1686216300943375,1.0304510638297877,375,11,69,4,8,124,69,94,0.174,0.8,0.027000000000000003,-0.93,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,2,2,5,0,10,0,0,5,2,17,18,7,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,4,0,4,1,11,14,3,20,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,3,13,46,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492375640243163,0.13537828779945385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385577475668496,0.16014168189990474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474852323647077,0.0,0.0,0.12751597228560507,0.0,0.0,0.1299546450647396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39466783539062605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689833010522955,0.0,0.0984926551281262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13814523076606214,0.12867434862340454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701020221525658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039979493220207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393167588723179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461195152274296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342915235025084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36570224300358056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778814245627747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162643284344392,0.0,0.11615149061555302,0.0,0.35837126518552703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903180762432846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820102265046133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250387821921795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050796565444246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RoxyBuckets,2019/07/03,"Been watching season 6 of Brooklyn 99(Trigger warning Sexual assault) I just watched the episode titled ""He said She said"" and I didn't realise how much of an effect it would have on me. It triggered my from my assault back in November. Mostly I'm fine, which is why I guess I didn't expect to be affected like this. I cried most of the way through that episode and then off and on since watching it. I'm left feeling awful. I wanted to see what other people are saying about it, and everyone is saying that they thought it was great. They're so happy that the show touched on this topic. But it made me so angry. I wouldn't ever expect the characters to turn away someone for that reason, but I'm most upset that despite initially not having anything to go off of, they magically are able to find evidence? When I was assaulted and went to the police, they essentially told me that they couldn't do anything because he hadn't raped me. The show made me so angry because it was just so easy for her, in a world where her end is so rare. I think I'm just looking to vent, and it's making me realise that I really do need to get back in contact with my therapist.",3.9799368846250935,5.206575648068672,4.94842716485736,83.99649078515527,71.4892703862661,7.542438778086343,28.72734158040899,7.928766900206844,1.835293057308761,918,35,180,12,17,300,131,233,0.109,0.809,0.08199999999999999,-0.7627,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,4,1,15,9,4,1,8,1,20,1,0,8,1,37,42,16,0,7,6,0,2,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,20,7,0,0,6,2,0,2,6,5,0,0,14,11,26,4,27,24,4,22,0,0,5,1,15,12,0,4,8,129,46,0,0.15351660333140704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252662168158846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423390228741595,0.2360895838949015,0.0,0.18716459300245866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686307801752058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597014440968022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886455670466555,0.0,0.1466916932926649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776226073021796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031139425714034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020608907652185,0.0,0.0872470234647507,0.0,0.0,0.16925259713409527,0.1691158461844409,0.0,0.0,0.16342127887592234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679623870309285,0.0,0.0,0.07500045796456876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891528265384647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29052224389671705,0.10247352479967548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128523672953549,0.11383061616842065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064290832069818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834666711139027,0.15784063637886592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920588894331971,0.24416512934882675,0.0,0.0,0.1223328569934952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126990520672546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007411982249362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824460875893164,0.0,0.09836724068600787,0.0,0.12187503507414245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466916932926649,0.0,0.0,0.1669819810221941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054807012290517,0.12185433411476525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423114293052488,0.13852485652642355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905379040010456,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jumpinbear,2019/07/03,"Everything got worse after PTSD diagnosis ...and some things got better. Once I started staring my trauma directly in the face (and after I spent 5 days in the Behavioral Health Unit for intense suicidal ideation), I started having flashbacks worse than ever before. They crop up while I’m driving, while I’m at my customer service job, and most of all when I’m alone at night. My nightmares have transformed into full-blown night terrors where I wake up violently, sometimes shaking or crying, and twice now with my sheet around my neck. I started anti-depressants and see a therapist but I can hardly believe how much harder my day to day has been. I’ve been avoiding all of this mentally for five years by smoking weed from dawn til dusk but I’m mostly sober now and it’s fucking hard. I smoke so many cigarettes. It feels awful to see myself as damaged, a mental patient, someone who doesn’t trust a man who gives me a wrong look, and someone who can’t stand any degree of physical touch. I’m sure it gets better but I can hardly believe the ways it got worse first.",5.573067226890757,6.783366754901966,5.710504201680673,80.0744117647059,67.72549019607844,7.985434173669468,31.728291316526608,8.192908349453996,2.4095291316526612,854,35,151,11,14,270,137,204,0.18,0.753,0.068,-0.9633,1,2,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,3,8,12,2,3,7,1,9,5,3,1,4,24,28,18,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,10,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,8,0,3,6,9,17,4,23,22,6,32,0,1,4,1,6,9,1,4,19,94,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926240239670405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830708445253245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250940004653364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798559001581582,0.2594729993105722,0.0,0.20368458917487092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264887026048016,0.22278990304992802,0.0,0.09917996480670643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416127825011774,0.0,0.0,0.1034908961499071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05822414437182517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794795184374294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064558635672168,0.060161994967666464,0.11046397478620304,0.0,0.0,0.27629192988382084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30945983520852693,0.0,0.0,0.12240084068384464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427026447566495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669840127569952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167457198097724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320915991920539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464972711529213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161240837823812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263277061513385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346061402834028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18352194481895756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513527295211835,0.0,0.1138879462447562,0.0,0.24451483454207526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259572373224303,0.0,0.10852908639600407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336999644121477,0.07650165296886004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140203593279063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520481688374117,0.0,0.1259002745476605,0.0,0.07415390021063091 ptsd,Y0hi-,2019/07/03,how to deal with 4th of july? loud noises like fireworks are incredibly triggering and since myptsd has gotten progressively worse i’m terrified of tomorrow just thinking about it is putting me on edge. i just want to know if anyone has any tips on trying to drown out the noise/coping with it? last year i used headphones and blasted music but that only did so much. thanks and to anyone else who also finds fireworks/loud noises/flashes triggering i hope tomorrow isn’t incredibly difficult,4.294382022471911,7.4332106292134865,4.7192022471910136,77.08015168539329,77.53932584269663,7.604943820224719,26.877528089887644,8.548686976883017,2.58678786516854,402,16,63,9,10,127,67,89,0.11199999999999999,0.769,0.12,0.1994,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,4,0,19,14,8,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,4,3,12,12,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,5,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000807394088024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014108456817625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498841273186678,0.25635420106341666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579399149753837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900570149807676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22867356967476954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484999493678249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750055207362533,0.20394220422786044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223257092413685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392201012829545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19028446548918065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515149389105052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696377390299447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23034581264744514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031476407043074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698658869385549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21608802851125425,0.0,0.0,0.14757141094485532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549699374158415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111728708843576 ptsd,NaebaZeniba,2019/07/03,"Alcohol makes flashbacks ten times worse? I am wondering if this is a common symptom people have... if I drink even just a glass of wine, I have flashbacks and mental confusion that is really uncontrollable... Has anyone else had symptoms like this with ptsd?",5.756333333333334,8.485866800000004,5.579722222222222,75.09625000000003,69.8888888888889,8.944444444444445,29.027777777777786,9.516144504307137,3.136444444444445,206,8,32,5,4,64,37,45,0.125,0.8190000000000001,0.055,-0.4871,0,0,3,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,7,5,0,1,0,8,9,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,1,2,8,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705101326213294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698858752968052,0.2593531081345116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479629148958081,0.0,0.0,0.2114507118529751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167184504592219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366248359863925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16896070935754967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550871524573084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548272522174693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29588573776639976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621562512910059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5261807580296144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759730675737687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744997009615493,0.0,0.0,0.2579526509624155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Delikley,2019/07/03,"Fireworks Help My long time boyfriend is a veteran with PTSD. Fireworks are a huge trigger increasing within the past year, and I'm wondering if anyone has some successful tips that would work for him. We are going out tonight to buy some noise cancelling headphones. I have about 4 loud fans for our room to drown out any noise. We're gonna rent some funny movies and hole up for the long weekend during the night time, and we're going to try to do most things in the daylight to avoid any errant fireworks. We live in coastal Florida so everyone everywhere are going to be setting off fireworks. Does anyone have any other tips or methods to drown out or avoid the sound and sight of fireworks? I just want to be as proactive and plan out things ahead of time to help him. Thanks!",5.726400000000003,6.765288840000004,4.970666666666666,86.14200000000002,67.26666666666667,7.866666666666667,30.333333333333336,7.908726449838941,1.9087333333333336,626,23,120,7,10,187,94,150,0.083,0.784,0.133,0.7959,1,2,1,0,0,0,11.0,3,0,0,4,3,4,0,2,7,0,11,0,0,1,0,26,19,10,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,4,12,0,2,1,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,3,8,2,27,15,5,27,0,0,1,0,7,11,0,8,11,71,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809532440036229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611352291652861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341075502230526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784307814124748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183729267137669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25032554241467003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488810347067856,0.3305045419786594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523567929139486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825717601099594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828014737224571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191807766166511,0.0,0.0,0.24811337802428865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266554391633001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677902153778967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101395896711584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20250328938405676,0.13594338905565626,0.0,0.0,0.1326493177651246,0.0,0.0,0.12024952377450443 ptsd,pm_me_ur_elderscroll,2019/07/03,Has anyone tried EMDR therapy? My therapist and I were talking today and she said she thinks EMDR therapy would be a good try for me. Has anyone tried it?,1.4740000000000002,4.165619400000004,3.855,80.7825,88.33333333333334,7.0,20.833333333333336,8.07648339933343,1.7543333333333335,122,4,21,3,4,42,23,30,0.0,0.892,0.10800000000000001,0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341679114204813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493042076658435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23241152292941866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19638129093115106,0.0,0.0,0.5588198677262189,0.2836832055070669,0.0,0.15655527731799404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23159402110810298,0.0,0.0,0.4976472602021094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735633355129304,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,-tenthousanddays-,2019/07/03,"New traditions for getting through the 4th of July with a TBI and PTSD [https://tenthousanddays.blog/2019/06/30/new-traditions-for-getting-through-the-4th-of-july-with-a-tbi-and-ptsd/](https://tenthousanddays.blog/2019/06/30/new-traditions-for-getting-through-the-4th-of-july-with-a-tbi-and-ptsd/) Here's a piece I wrote about how we now get through the 4th of July.",34.483118279569894,44.686563548387106,14.32387096774194,10.772473118279578,10.290322580645167,6.713978494623658,26.46236559139785,7.793537801064563,1.4504752688172045,334,5,26,2,3,68,25,31,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,7,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,18,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387473731134472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6207752077941837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7513442908426632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kelligirl1126,2019/07/03,Please I need some advice or tips I have been insanely hypervigilant and I don't know how to get my body to chill tf out. It keeps me from sleeping and I jump at everything and any physical contact not initiated by me makes me kind of freak. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with this hell of a symptom?,3.5340322580645136,5.237692725806454,4.852451612903226,82.35867741935486,73.35483870967742,8.185806451612903,26.916129032258066,8.841846274778883,2.004409032258065,247,9,50,5,5,82,50,62,0.136,0.828,0.036000000000000004,-0.8122,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,4,3,2,2,0,13,9,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,8,1,10,8,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,0,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4773872684655396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322181312031323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707962706515921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27132414878460204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25182723130426365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137585773576724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21953027849160126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761875682988744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21711459497133856,0.0,0.25436515841085433,0.13424205142819148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304926463169642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811199360529136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681304085747269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444421254478306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538856104069846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aybarafaile,2019/07/03,"Suicidal Ideation It’s been creeping up on me for a few weeks, but I’ve reached the stage where I am picturing myself dead multiple times a day. It gives me such relief to think of a time in which I don’t even exist.",3.745579710144927,4.127297760869567,4.7552173913043525,88.2803623188406,71.3913043478261,8.742028985507247,28.3768115942029,8.841846274778883,1.8700376811594204,171,6,39,3,3,56,40,46,0.18,0.7020000000000001,0.11900000000000001,-0.6059,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,6,4,1,9,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779674495918242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846797361998734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4134665295340865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4714577932416682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761754500615353,0.0,0.0,0.5026537890456795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457322837871115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Shl33,2019/07/03,"How to tell somebody you are at the limit of your capacity? I have made these “friends” recently, let’s call them K and D. K and D are married, while SO and I are soon to be. K and D have marital issues and since discovering them, K uses our morning coffees as time to 20 question me about every aspect of her relationship with D that I’m just not going to understand.... because this is a new friendship, and I’m not K or D. K and D have a child on the autistic spectrum that gets on well with one of our kids. But, K has said that my child is her kids only friend and it would be devastating for him to lose her as a friend. But, I can’t help but feeling like I’m being manipulated or gaslit about things I know nothing about. I have PTSD and severe social anxiety, and these “hang-outs,” that were supposed to be strengthening and just good in general have now led me to feel confused, depressed, and this other feeling— guilt. But why do I feel guilty that I can’t figure out her and Ds marital issues? Why is it somehow my doings of this whole thing falls apart and your autistic son is friendless again? I guess I’m wondering whether or not she’s a friend worth having at this point because there’s no growth or happiness. Would I be in the wrong for wanting to terminate the friendship?",6.278108108108107,5.6425428918918925,6.7053088803088805,79.9393532818533,66.02702702702703,9.716602316602318,33.17181467181467,9.04235418022936,2.6156903474903466,1015,38,208,15,14,331,142,259,0.141,0.7090000000000001,0.151,0.4331,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,2,3,2,2,13,13,0,2,8,0,27,0,0,5,0,52,44,28,0,3,14,1,3,1,4,2,0,1,0,4,16,17,0,1,8,0,1,4,6,5,1,1,3,4,26,8,28,33,1,20,0,2,0,0,29,9,0,9,8,145,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195330571153356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16248368950088246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608640088794058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478764314156495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228805832407464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216015359759734,0.0952100948667227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118648518564158,0.0,0.06962952268123973,0.0,0.07574198753680154,0.1117828779767316,0.0,0.0,0.146814983540988,0.0,0.0,0.14187134387305653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932992972779281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782042969980651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324323004615223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628043876314375,0.0,0.06511034447727458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14909814188908727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610591916226835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871567356568686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787881901411358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030907935849157,0.10135994852275586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598584700197235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578873843752242,0.0,0.149296005422474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159078409347366,0.14308508106633186,0.0,0.0,0.12677292522419764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505602976483442,0.0,0.11024461410947692,0.0,0.0,0.13585480750500686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648627686626575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708101546201713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771242503976784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387416556532796,0.0,0.1151048846261698,0.0,0.0,0.07860773383863788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982822734475765,0.0,0.2405158947525724,0.14879429036909758,0.0,0.0,0.14452863607788646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18934630673475872,0.1457128545504857,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chrisrk912,2019/07/03,"Every time I get better, it gets worse It happens. Today was that day. I went to therapy as I always do weekly. She noticed I was more calm. I felt like I was doing pretty decent. I’m on Effexor and prazosin now. The Effexor is alright! I took a nap and just recently woke up though. I immediately just broke down and started crying. I don’t remember what I dreamt about in detail but it was in the same setting where abuse occurred. So I just took some prazosin and plan on sleeping soon. I sort of wrote this just so you all reading can be assured that you’re not alone and we are in this together.",1.1864698937426184,3.6149650082644667,3.188978748524203,87.5930785123967,84.86776859504133,5.771192443919716,23.518890200708384,7.1686216300943375,1.1056229043683587,470,18,93,7,14,158,85,121,0.098,0.779,0.12300000000000001,-0.129,0,1,0,0,1,0,13.0,1,1,0,2,11,6,0,0,3,1,11,1,1,0,2,20,22,10,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,2,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,10,1,15,5,11,11,4,20,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,2,9,69,23,1,0.0,0.2263483261266181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978573473894932,0.0,0.0,0.15895859310143287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895723928236245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098458413480372,0.12320345265782134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609574236604421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834260618487076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199618530211521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893392535598584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333132531742327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21749758226970964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943539260354974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19108930493892876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886265904074493,0.0,0.21640836868408336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911755725246521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352174018177496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184681532107971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769347936797787,0.0,0.11139556518740208,0.0,0.1810813144207605,0.0,0.4244996221225768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323884548494526,0.0,0.0,0.1770937760293452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946836427901878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,affectionate4fish,2019/07/03,"Fireworks... Short rant but it's really frustrating that fireworks bug me so much. They're so pretty and nice! But I can't stand the sound! I don't allow myself to be alone on the 4th because of them! People also tend to get snippy with me because I'm not a vet and therefore I should have noooo problem with gunshot-like sounds, right? Ughhhhh wish me luck",0.8936619718309871,3.4685626619718337,2.302943661971831,91.19751408450705,91.39436619718307,4.530140845070423,19.77605633802817,6.2581,0.2407115492957752,283,9,55,3,10,91,57,71,0.16699999999999998,0.617,0.21600000000000005,0.7996,0,1,0,1,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,2,0,13,9,7,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,8,2,6,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34706385546462704,0.0,0.26798036532232977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40854924896600425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507658328454778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463379914060308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323170281025408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409184636534183,0.0,0.3206466598987763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146744549389228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861746544422717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3853499238582794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Mr_Gibus,2019/07/03,"I'm writing a short story about a combat veteran with PTSD and I want to be as respectful as possible. What sorts of things effect those who suffer from PTSD from combat? What sorts of events in combat cause the trauma? What are flashbacks really like if they happen? If they had the idea of keeping their gun clean hammered into them, would that manifest as obsessively stripping and cleaning their personally owned guns as a fidgeting behavior?",8.112151898734176,9.344126544303801,7.599848101265824,68.71698734177215,62.03797468354431,10.876962025316457,33.52151898734177,10.793553405168565,3.9930891139240514,363,14,55,9,5,114,59,79,0.201,0.6920000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.816,0,0,0,2,0,0,6.0,0,0,5,1,1,5,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,2,0,15,8,8,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,2,14,5,1,4,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,4,2,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812213226861937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420802364494475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30903555518417564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433256142332199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374264081872034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23903190592858195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086171125144309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6400088175151146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17537416880055126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818703528363069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146752097163194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19446737146980386,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,loorain,2019/07/03,How do I fall asleep after experiencing trauma? I almost lost my life a week ago to a shooter at the top of mount Manuel at Big Sur. I was at the peak when he started shooting then following me and I had to run 5 miles down sprinting for my life. and now I can’t sleep. All I think about is the fear I felt and my adrenaline gets ramped up anytime I think or try to talk about it. Idk what to do. I’m new to this. And I need help. I’m emotionally exhausted and I need help. The thought of “trying” to fall asleep is terrifying. Thinking somebody could come from nowhere. I have no idea what to do. Please I’ll take any advice.,0.10153625954198377,2.3543964198473333,1.9252624045801523,95.8422447519084,88.61832061068701,5.10706106870229,19.63788167938932,6.6274283507984215,0.044637022900763317,485,15,113,6,16,159,87,131,0.121,0.7909999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.6392,0,0,0,2,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,6,0,10,6,3,1,1,19,25,9,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,6,0,0,5,2,4,0,0,5,2,15,0,19,19,1,21,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,2,8,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325698577844984,0.166238420763375,0.0,0.1877891662203252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12753019899530552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16154475666641815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973140023899612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21095158078863266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110289601237377,0.0,0.0,0.1800629644399913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797927280553917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25140145206990583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21170413528293272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649229669665354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471655459489946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781095830404491,0.0,0.1811224263646872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205857062878482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876703886588075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273820508265474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410029457622642,0.15073349165098918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604944769632364,0.0,0.14888180495026188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546478461539077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504292274897109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Juliewashere,2019/07/03,"Does anyone else's body kind of tremor a bit when someone else is too close, touches you, or if you're really nervous while trying to do something? EVERY single time, without fail, my body does this and there is nothing I can do to prevent it. It it's so embarrassing! There are only so many excuses I can think of to play this off. Is this from ptsd or anxiety or physical issue or what?? I wish it would never happen again!",3.093546218487397,4.7977774470588255,4.555126050420171,84.03235294117653,74.52941176470588,7.210084033613445,25.084033613445378,7.957251820313856,1.4714033613445383,333,11,65,5,7,111,61,85,0.084,0.8009999999999999,0.115,0.4048,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,7,5,0,2,1,0,9,2,2,0,1,13,12,10,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,5,2,8,11,2,7,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,5,5,47,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470408056896095,0.0,0.0,0.1322625093982782,0.1938130213981228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065097296666763,0.4202200978006979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310639715828967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160316962135961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937237272749813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727032469748945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19743007216138272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19697721751512098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177483712968432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588902872446352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150060756282596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386191850416247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211136362991888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117839353212301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027155106681915,0.1456217900759397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120374337665354,0.0,0.0,0.11029858164659563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842473672545346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175204531631756,0.18233995944802311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437123511573482,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AmazingAbel_,2019/07/03,"4th of july is coming up... by god, i hate the fucking fireworks, i hate how they have a goddamn fireworks show right outside my neighborhood, i hate panicking every time a song ends because i KNOW i’m going to hear a fucking firework",5.433333333333334,6.3994314444444464,6.255555555555558,76.93000000000002,67.8888888888889,7.777777777777778,37.22222222222222,7.793537801064563,3.1225555555555564,185,10,31,2,3,61,35,45,0.341,0.618,0.042,-0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,3,12,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,2,6,0,4,12,0,6,0,0,0,2,2,2,2,0,2,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463308750023593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043807335729207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101442530165592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990398562102174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386909274883007,0.0,0.0,0.13484181143969534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7027431330439856,0.0,0.0,0.2674122100652603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303933278793194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262097625220696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834973842800666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nemenoo,2019/07/03,"Therapist says practice self care? I get the general gist of it, like take care of yourself basically. Im a functional person i shower eat keep my house clean ish use lotion do laundry etc. is that what this means or am I missing the point. Can anyone give examples of what this means to them?",1.3030263157894737,3.9786204210526317,2.922083333333333,86.80312500000002,90.40350877192984,6.358771929824562,22.91447368421053,7.645422480735847,1.5373526315789472,232,9,44,5,8,76,47,57,0.036000000000000004,0.768,0.196,0.8677,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,14,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,6,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,4,14,1,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,24,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476051788537224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43045856087193135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21600675805687986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354309468630532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029040244907508,0.2025051902258648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24357965537392506,0.0,0.0,0.22802291267317626,0.0,0.0,0.1876342996263144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313220340272868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4598969254707923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432331671529115,0.0,0.0,0.19955658510465224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787422681973985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220222071824327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872001484936565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451019599727004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823215722358388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Zjjimm,2019/07/03,Boyfriend shut down on me and blames me We were hanging out and he was all happy and high energy and I was having a pretty shitty day. I was super paranoid and didn’t want anything “touchy”. When I turned him down from doing anything beyond hugging he immediately stormed off and mopped around for the rest of the night. He said he didn’t understand because the night before I was comfortable with intimacy and now I’m not. I don’t know how to get across I get triggered randomly and he just keeps shutting down and guilting me,4.5238235294117635,6.320358588235294,4.884460784313728,82.75257352941178,70.9607843137255,7.452941176470588,28.43627450980393,8.07648339933343,1.8968980392156856,424,16,79,6,8,134,69,102,0.076,0.7390000000000001,0.185,0.9001,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,4,0,10,1,0,2,1,23,19,11,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,13,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,8,1,11,4,14,11,2,18,0,0,0,1,8,12,0,1,5,55,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931644941041325,0.21265856308245315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456222612555008,0.0,0.20327379504797308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406125561938594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496154186092196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542978432556953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523954345195247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123322302151188,0.0,0.0,0.13128511315493732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483553418887371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24303223029590276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22723462390385854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598386080967312,0.0,0.24868802140848584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090073888543533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Atropos_101,2019/01/06,"Do I have mild ptsd? My story doesn’t even come close to some of your stories... but I’m a 16 year old female and last year, I witnessed my dad’s heart attack in front of my eyes. It was a very traumatic, stressful event. It was incredibly serious and he actually lost his pulse and miraculously in the hospital (the doctor herself stated he was really lucky) they got his pulse back. Watching my dad die in front of my eyes, hearing the police shouting at each other, my mom going into complete hysterics, I think it’s given me a mild form of PTSD. My biggest regret is that I didn’t go to the hospital when he had the heart attack because I was in such a bad state of shock. It was an incredibly selfish thing of me to do and I despise myself for it. I refuse to forgive myself for making that choice. Also, a week after he could leave the hospital, I had nightmares about him having another heart attack but not being able to get to the hospital in time. I also couldn’t stop putting my fingers on my pulse to make sure my heart was still beating. Even thought it’s been a year, I don’t think there’s been a week where I don’t remember it and then have a breakdown. And I don’t WANT to remember but my brain just won’t stop remembering it. My heart (and weirdly, this only happened after the heart attack) has been a skipping a beat more frequently. I can feel it throughout the day or when I exercise and it makes me scared but I don’t know if I’m just being paranoid. My depression and anxiety has also increased and I either sleep too little or sleep too much. My stress levels are also very high. And whenever my dad so much as sneezes or coughs, I get scared he’s going to die for good (I think it’s because when the heart attack happened, I watched him lunge forward, make this inhumane noise, and then just drop dead) Even while I’m typing this, I’m ultra aware of my heart and its beats. And when someone talks about anything heart related, I visibly cringe and feel sick. I feel stupid for feeling this stuff over something as small as a heart attack (especially considering others have had much much more traumatic experiences) but I think the fact that I was 15 and young might’ve made it worse? Do you think I have ptsd? 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I have very few conscious memories of my earliest childhood traumas, but my _body_ remembers it. I remember smells, textures, sensations, but few images, no narrative, no order of events. The myriad evidence that anything bad happened is circumstantial, but I _do_ remember enough to know I was violated, and I am definitely trigger-able. It’s almost irrelevant whether or not the trauma occurred, because regardless of what events transpired, I am left with all the trappings of PTSD. Why, then, am I so consumed and guilt-riddled by my lack of specific memory? Why do I feel like I’m a terrible human being for suspecting the worst of my caregiver? Like even if it _did_ happen, it absolutely _must_ have been my fault for “misunderstanding” things? Like if only I knew _for sure_, why, then... Then I could argue to myself why my feelings are _differently_ illegitimate, and it’s all still my fault, with the added bonus of perpetual nightmare fuel?... I do NOT want to remember it, but at the same time, it feels invalid if I don’t. I know there are many flavors of misery to be had with this illness, but if there’s anybody out there in a similar boat, if you have found a way to cope with crippling guilt and shame caused by absent memories, please share what has helped you. I would love to feel a little less alone. Thank you very much for reading, and I hope all of you out there find some manner of joy in your lives today.",7.89021978021978,7.81595853479854,7.976131868131869,70.29386813186817,62.553113553113576,11.382564102564105,36.51501831501831,10.93419730881044,4.0726187545787536,1172,50,205,28,15,381,161,273,0.203,0.6559999999999999,0.14,-0.9613,1,1,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,5,1,1,7,23,2,3,10,0,23,3,1,1,5,58,38,21,0,12,15,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,12,12,0,0,16,1,1,0,6,13,0,0,6,6,29,10,32,27,12,18,0,0,0,1,11,7,0,9,12,150,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059505420446156,0.10958426156802148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870702404409878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834452160745168,0.0644990353463534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752785245604105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869305319903656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447837186628868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054591546447187,0.0,0.0,0.09259251951380852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838826785871595,0.0,0.0,0.10932703400355928,0.0,0.06988460168438004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21399702632831305,0.07558862422440324,0.0,0.0,0.0967057864151532,0.0,0.0,0.11601204052736735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712976503703027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092027898552712,0.0,0.0,0.10509033930733597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629764681339808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495974022830548,0.0,0.0,0.155076035856393,0.10604652593484168,0.09342962117835947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549505243370084,0.0,0.0,0.10727180770705826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778040397851463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047107894405962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161444391850494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368285552736655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583574808600198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5992941781611277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449769885774959,0.0,0.0,0.11061256997168477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972195387946327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974129760216294,0.0,0.0,0.0702935458355084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169697973855528,0.0,0.10029277348746823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460390207869242,0.062407777899793536,0.08398476311244785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818978568164956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751623388679905,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aperson11211,2019/01/06,"PTSD sucks [TW] I know I’m preaching to the choir here. But it really does. How can I make it better? I need better strategies for overcoming this. It’s taking up so much of my time and thoughts. I just want to feel like myself, to feel like I can move forward and leave it behind. I’ve spent all weekend barely able to get out of bed, having really bad flashbacks and when I eventually get some sleep, nightmares. I’ve got a counsellor, which is great, but she keeps cancelling our sessions. She’s cancelled 5weeks out of 9, so it’s all a bit sporadic. I’m trying so hard. To keep going. To go to uni, keep on top of my work. To look after my family. To be a good friend and girlfriend. But sometimes it feels inescapable. Recently I keep wanting to take Codeine, just because it feels nice for a bit. I’ve only done it a few times and I’ve never taken too many. But that’s not the point. I shouldn’t need to be doing it at all. I’m worried as well that I keep getting suicidal. And when I do it seems so rational. I don’t want to end up doing something stupid on the spur of the moment just because it seems like a good idea. When it passes I’m always so glad I didn’t do anything. But I also never tell anyone when I get like that. I don’t want them to worry about me. Or think I’m being over dramatic or saying it for attention. My ex used to use suicide threats as a way to control me. I never want to make anyone feel like that. I don’t know why I’m writing this. I just want to feel better please, pretty, pretty please. 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I was in a car accident over a year ago where my car was t-boned at an intersection. I broke my pelvis in four places, a rib, and had a brain bleed. The most significant, long lasting affect of the accident is the ptsd I have now. I have road rage, and at almost every intersection I pass it’s very scary for me and I often will cry out. I feel pathetic because I’m 26 years old and even with friends in the car with me I’ll cry out in fear uncontrollably. Most of the time in the car I’m a little on edge but am fine, but when crossing intersections or if I feel another driver is acting recklessly near me I’ll get very upset. I have this one very weird thing happen to me when I am sitting at a red light. It happens sometimes but yesterday was the most severe, as I happened to get stopped on a red light at the same intersection where the accident was, it’s in a town over from where I live now and I avoid the area so I am not over there much. Anyways so when I am sitting at the red light, I start to feel very woozy, and I start to feel like I’m leaving my body or losing control of my body. I can’t tell if I’m passing out or what exactly is happening but it’s frightening and I’m afraid I’ll lose consciousness. I’ll usually try to shake my head and kind of wake myself up or open a window, and by the time the light turns green and I can go again then it will pass and it will go away. Sometimes when I stop the car on red the episode will start where I feel like the car is still moving even though it’s not and I’ll press extra hard on the brake and realize I’m not actually moving, then the sickness/pass out feeling starts. Does this happen to anyone else? ",3.5210278354798485,4.347570091566265,4.890311591192358,85.48975903614459,72.18072289156626,8.712089738263401,27.081429164935606,9.035553425615538,1.8853282093892807,1568,53,347,31,29,524,174,415,0.157,0.8029999999999999,0.039,-0.991,0,1,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,3,23,18,1,6,30,0,25,8,7,2,2,64,58,37,0,3,14,0,9,3,1,4,1,0,1,0,15,23,0,6,11,0,0,17,6,12,0,3,6,20,39,6,48,48,6,93,0,3,6,0,3,44,0,11,32,221,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.14914252013220144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773841604530707,0.0,0.07651985992059095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012912595556354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343203542023423,0.07829750298372855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179560472168506,0.0,0.0,0.09316530249817677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976250679146335,0.0,0.08530583395969582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570734889425476,0.0,0.0,0.16787937711402734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687239617809278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383599125264063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094445631515893,0.0,0.06438400649831698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598955303369693,0.270468548660634,0.16377540385227693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059039023592828616,0.0,0.0798486982087655,0.0,0.0868582588486942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4730226099789002,0.0,0.06845397165486321,0.0,0.07842514303253911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07957578992814833,0.0,0.06228946230566704,0.0,0.0809138003340924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111999394356801,0.07658918164082941,0.0674769697921075,0.06762599764880585,0.0,0.17098052775244815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243681125581916,0.05617475382520122,0.05666169876877007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018602477085976,0.0,0.10356328961523276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798387417647455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318566690829231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865306957178975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048954221758170935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863286383864846,0.0,0.0,0.08589509348751198,0.0,0.0,0.06474726082559601,0.0,0.22673294629444302,0.0,0.21635132768241813,0.0,0.061026134981778175,0.19166227981762135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335823830006406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101535153607609,0.0,0.07507860103932293,0.0,0.08911788757304824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188163382629739,0.0831189624282899,0.0,0.15910407201783133,0.0,0.0,0.08416172960040222,0.25220571543700016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841914986535637 ptsd,aliharper7,2019/01/06,"I keep having flashback dreams of my assault and it’s making it harder to get over ptsd About two years ago I was sexually assaulted and in an abusive relationship, and since then I’ve been able to get on with my life and try and recover. My ptsd is still there but it’s getting better, but I keep having these vivid dreams of my attack or just with my assaulter in them and it’s making it extra hard to get over.",5.300470588235292,5.217249870588237,6.0329411764705885,82.08823529411767,67.94117647058823,8.682352941176473,27.588235294117645,8.238735603445708,1.6352823529411764,329,9,68,4,5,108,53,85,0.14,0.759,0.1,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,4,0,1,0,5,1,0,2,0,16,13,10,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,2,9,1,13,11,1,9,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,4,49,15,0,0.19745877980356435,0.2339563653686051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750352943148358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22463786810155345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746362444187156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126562505470942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688428184701427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510208723446103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13947097572513542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636105376228657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4616374937351888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119968326235848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1633399431362368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576908366190306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406154995189978,0.0,0.1928885359852018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715698025309866 ptsd,lexilynn42,2019/01/06,"I think I just relived my trauma and made everything worse. (Triggers sexual assault/drinking) So over a year ago I attended a party with a bunch of friends and got very drunk with them. My boyfriend at the time was also very drunk. Towards the end of the night we got into an extremely bad fight that led to him trying to force me to have sex with him. Luckily it didn’t end up happening and I went home but the night was so traumatic for me that it led to intense anxiety and panic attacks as well as nightmares and depression. Fast forward to today. I went to another party with a friend of mine who has had a crush on me for a long time. I’ve denied him multiple times and went into the reasoning why despite knowing that I shouldn’t have to give a reason. He didn’t give up and kept pursuing me anyway. At a previous party while drunk he began making out with me and touching me. I was conscious enough to understand where it was going so I stopped him and said I didn’t want to do this with him and that this was wrong. He left. Last night we had another party and I got extremely drunk on accident(alcohol count on the drink was higher than I thought) so I ended up laying on my friends bed. He came in and ended up making out with me. I was barely conscious at the time and can’t remember what all happened other than feeling some pain and a lot of numbness. The next day he texted me and I told him I didn’t remember what happened. He told me in detail everything and that we had started having sex but he had to stop for some reason. My body is incredibly sore now and I’m just in a lot of mental pain. I don’t understand why I did this to myself. I never should’ve gone to this party or drank alcohol around my friends. I should’ve been able to trust him not to take advantage of me and at least to feel bad. Since then he’s been texting me asking when we’re going to do this again and wanting to see what else I can do. And I’ve been ignoring the messages. Why doesn’t he realize I DONT want him?!?! Why does he constantly pursue me? Why couldn’t he realize I was DRUNK and DIDNT ACTUALLY WANT THAT? I don’t know what to do I feel the panic coming back and the anxiety all over again. I feel sick to my stomach and my body is a constant reminder of what happened. ",2.5173819742489267,4.2830621866952825,4.07066738197425,86.62784656652363,76.27467811158799,7.40678111587983,24.95472103004292,8.238735603445708,1.5168714163090131,1793,62,372,32,40,597,200,466,0.198,0.7120000000000001,0.09,-0.9958,0,0,4,0,1,0,36.0,3,0,1,1,16,20,2,2,23,0,39,18,3,9,3,88,84,36,0,6,6,0,5,0,4,1,6,1,2,0,21,40,8,4,19,6,0,12,14,13,1,0,37,7,58,7,63,45,9,70,0,1,1,2,36,26,0,5,34,258,79,0,0.07040158914602447,0.0,0.06870179545519373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0624067609891313,0.15047577661332914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563001254046822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764440929448905,0.10771404599817076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267234034362568,0.06581598233557635,0.08009197115700464,0.0,0.05413447642253926,0.11756477252117455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640058927809264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052066278570412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06064473526657591,0.0,0.1521582144882082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04540320082103081,0.0,0.060636785571011764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06160890508962321,0.0,0.08251013815546425,0.13793351039638474,0.0,0.0,0.058811493996896,0.0,0.24941964673856334,0.07274366111887484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265448176075463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423886352131984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175683725421033,0.0,0.0,0.1350712387423578,0.08002169103388851,0.0,0.16891974644291674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24902357110804324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061853410817627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738174446807915,0.057386691528943386,0.0,0.0,0.07649153259942534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062303190985419664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197058270145953,0.0,0.06661568588918028,0.09398721486454063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094824322870781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05429804566971567,0.0,0.0748728887454123,0.1982013668373092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149824509064943,0.16520219198618047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21715367703068333,0.0,0.0,0.15950255306568875,0.0,0.06696803307956463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05610095162490774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823692205153984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049830607152546856,0.0,0.0,0.1177177618011236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293323345193703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045110495633195434,0.0,0.0558909978481248,0.16420693114251825,0.0,0.06673247466868025,0.13454347084569745,0.0,0.04779805774846847,0.0,0.0,0.1465810742928086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617736819268415,0.16609872528241426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632994835332365,0.1957889353851132,0.31763241968792577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174523391582548,0.0,0.07697308590456148,0.0,0.04533631520327162 ptsd,Chefbpd,2019/01/06,"My accident stole a huge chunk of my identity, but not for long My accident ended my culinary career. I feel like it stripped a huge chunk of my identity from me. When you meet people, they generally ask what you do in the first few questions. After the accident, I no longer had an answer. Monday, I start college for the first time. I can no longer say, I run banquets, or I'm a chef, or I cook, but I can say I am a fulltime student. It doesn't fill the whole gap, but it's a start. It doesn't magically fix anything, but it's one step & I hope that step is in the right direction. ",2.797941712204008,3.80089380327869,4.495027322404372,86.9793897996357,74.08196721311475,8.045173041894353,26.67030965391621,8.515128840125781,1.6541938069216762,452,16,101,8,9,153,74,122,0.131,0.773,0.096,-0.6428,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,2,1,2,1,2,0,0,11,0,8,1,0,0,0,12,14,7,0,1,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,0,1,0,3,1,0,4,5,0,0,3,1,3,18,2,8,13,2,19,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,4,11,67,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538216729840561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927768254721177,0.0,0.21900239255291612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074856951421744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184493897889406,0.16735609027818546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3985245383041496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326740100503861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444808141023123,0.0,0.0,0.20731359474236274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874130216145824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240706670142216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26242590973815794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005759617305532,0.0,0.3725874662586113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316222534863925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659946079139734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26154401722576914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OnePlanetOnePeace,2019/01/06,"The new mission They label it Diagnose it Treat it It makes it worse 3 tours in Iraq, tortured, drowned to death and resuscitate. I fond memories of, a cherished blur of adrenaline. But it's not real. We chase that numbness, that elusive shadow of something you can't name. Escaping into it becomes a daily response mechanism to conflict. Drowning out the outside noise with the noise inside our heads. But it's not real. Your family is real, your friends are real, your future is real; you are real. We approach issues as problems and launch missions. We push forward to win the fight; but it's not a fight; there is no battle outside, only one within. The new mission isn't one of conflict. It's a mission of serenity, patience, and love. If you are struggling, just let go. Your life is your karma and you have a lot more to give. If you are reading this, stop what you are doing, stop what you are thinking. Make your loved ones feel important. Your wife should wake up to a path of flowers leading to a card thanking her for everything she's done. Your kids should enjoy a breakfast out where you leave your phone in the car, or even at home. They are real, they are important. I live in a glass house and see my family two days a week, I stayed in the blur for too long. Things aren't too late to change until they are. The new mission is love. Gitr done",2.8505681818181827,5.117223708333333,3.635975757575757,87.80296363636364,77.06818181818181,6.0421818181818185,25.71151515151515,7.087006719466742,1.220897151515152,1065,40,203,12,25,338,146,264,0.138,0.738,0.124,0.4812,1,0,1,0,2,0,40.0,4,17,4,2,7,17,4,1,18,0,24,9,2,4,0,46,35,13,3,5,10,1,1,0,1,2,3,0,1,1,16,12,1,4,2,1,0,6,7,7,0,4,2,2,31,10,28,30,2,29,1,0,1,3,38,12,0,6,12,144,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926883118173886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508441033563862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057967168905279164,0.0,0.0,0.09122946273594623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396325274842507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05936694521765237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078114189855305,0.0,0.16946758992228833,0.0,0.045447600160011474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944346638306276,0.0,0.0,0.08622406756394163,0.051082641712110965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224600022735724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016008608352856,0.0,0.0,0.10371303885464764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381461253189864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013920610127704,0.09517323342232444,0.0,0.0919115678384392,0.06348709743748109,0.0,0.0,0.07936843122111424,0.07954372224604964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641540428893087,0.2433690430973222,0.0,0.11999534527235342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26042899781158835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827213608031719,0.0683601540272519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600599550957487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990743178400754,0.7161465848472712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162519998109003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919640793631814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580343394748768,0.0,0.15029260620578044,0.0,0.09396534034135426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827522897974411,0.0,0.0,0.05971434313410274,0.05759346637427069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780273612482245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720988076831456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159856612181902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blurglub,2019/01/06,"Where would I post a garbled backstory? I'm pretty sure I've been living with undiagnosed PTSD for about 14 years, and while I'm trying to get the nerve to do something concrete about it, I have an incredibly hard time putting everything into words/making what happened and is happening coherent. A good friend suggested I just word vomit it all out on a forum somewhere anonymously and get used to talking about it in a way that isn't personal. Is this a place to do that, or is there a better sub for that kind of thing? &#x200B; Thank you in advance, and sorry if this is the wrong place!",9.483391304347826,7.148004469565219,8.976521739130437,71.67086956521742,60.82608695652174,12.330434782608695,38.65217391304348,10.793553405168565,3.9843391304347833,474,18,89,9,5,152,81,115,0.053,0.795,0.153,0.9111,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,6,7,0,0,9,0,10,1,0,1,2,15,18,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,6,16,16,1,15,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,2,3,60,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057983242086307,0.21372906847122566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556293443835112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580811543765081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13589438168040338,0.0,0.1837935116593523,0.0,0.0,0.14753057967082547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110829375076076,0.0,0.15756544714834106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18316533897299986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553166114467981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535828544802198,0.367541188387112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845673161807528,0.17894626582509746,0.0,0.0,0.2056093321613932,0.17682089890251987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541091136119318,0.0,0.1968976480456236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577693207001482,0.0,0.0,0.141376012303108,0.0,0.16193850682263186,0.0,0.0,0.1168553956235045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256453690635016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941970107802034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191495029656635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961555934049746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494923595062392,0.1923112223125854,0.21372906847122566,0.11326923026965635 ptsd,Happy_Ohm_Experience,2019/01/06,How on earth do you tell if someone is gaslighting you if your memory is shot from ptsd? It’s doing my head in....,1.6437500000000007,3.0480492083333366,3.3483333333333327,92.43000000000002,77.75,6.466666666666668,20.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.29348333333333354,87,2,20,1,2,29,21,24,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,3,4,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5195768910855847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5918000457614333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42895912184836815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4425004314909541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,UneducatedLatina,2019/01/06,"27 years old, just diagnosed with PTSD and getting married in 2 months I am not sure what I am hoping to get with this post but have been feeling off lately, like I'm about to slip off inside my mind. Late last year, I was diagnosed with PTSD and have now been referred out for EMDR treatment which I am about to start this year. I am getting married March 2019. &#x200B; Since I was diagnosed, I haven't been able to sleep without medication and eating is a forced situation, I just can't seem to get my stomach to relax enough to accept food without me immediately wanting to throw up. I've almost become a hermit in my own home. While I can sleep, the nightmares are still there unfortunately... I keep having nightmares of me being physically hurt and bleeding unable to get up and my fiancé screaming at me to ""hurry up"" with whatever and why am I so useless?"" or something along those lines. Sometimes it'll be my mother or siblings screaming at me though. I keep switching on and off between wanting to be hugged and being ready to claw anyone that comes near me. Sometimes within the same conversation and talking to the same person. &#x200B; My wedding is coming up. We had originally decided on a destination wedding to a destination that a roundtrip could be affordable ($200 or so). I picked my bridesmaids but told them secretly to not pressure them into spending money. If they went, I would set them up in the hotel, they could wear whatever they wanted. I was even planning a tour. Today, I started getting the notifications that they would not be able to attend my wedding. I've known these people for almost 10 years some. I knew not everyone could attend, but hoped a few could. I have my family still, I am still very very lucky. But my family is part of the reason that I am the way that I am. They stood by and allowed me to pick up the pieces by myself. I thought my friends had selected me. Now I am feeling rejected. &#x200B; TL;DR; Life sucks then we just die",4.532380952380954,6.397043825396827,5.213417989417991,80.12695238095243,71.06349206349206,7.4738624338624335,29.266666666666666,8.131152278815165,2.122593015873016,1578,63,283,23,30,509,197,378,0.077,0.8270000000000001,0.096,0.6379,2,1,1,0,0,0,57.0,2,0,8,1,15,16,1,1,15,0,41,13,4,5,1,74,68,23,1,12,17,1,2,1,1,3,6,2,1,1,12,21,2,2,11,2,2,6,8,7,0,0,13,4,52,9,53,42,8,50,0,3,0,1,20,20,1,11,22,217,64,0,0.15608541293255732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562969945607711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536777195509437,0.2844912916692894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456927494452988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619203778795961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344537624944173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492430028820061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376351128316224,0.08099600795767688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985717209803142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806389779101084,0.0,0.051546471582682635,0.0,0.0,0.0745731504752405,0.0,0.0,0.1471434360668017,0.0,0.07892147462061358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436955044087476,0.0,0.06029560142254314,0.0,0.2446445582082495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828319779901594,0.15502803359129216,0.0,0.0,0.08354633138979888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873588670597564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361522199129381,0.17607114438997126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512387157416102,0.038127724290052935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786198162556375,0.0,0.0,0.07880088605614947,0.0,0.06229294373053305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189269224007316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451264589675353,0.0,0.054104986170563286,0.06814388103883744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474333979807572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245549503164488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024090024174166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104714888783271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455773325998174,0.08772327192931761,0.15619813595108598,0.0,0.0,0.06008108825940675,0.15437246448397354,0.0,0.11047805864087554,0.0,0.18697501858753152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355432724697432,0.0,0.0,0.06272777125241527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667656285865516,0.06195719147931944,0.0,0.0,0.07397536043588412,0.0745731504752405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287868122561893,0.1380948308718381,0.06194666780395675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723463707706586,0.07042140381934384,0.0,0.0,0.1504607681460357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087859903801367,0.0,0.2844912916692894,0.20102777693457285 ptsd,bluesrosemary,2019/01/06,"Triggered by someone who I should excuse? NSFW TW Sexual assault mention Not sure where else to talk about this at this point so I made a throwaway. Basically, a stranger completely misread a situation on social media which lead to them imply I had never been sexually assaulted. This lead to me having a complete meltdown and being triggered in a way I haven’t been in years. The mutual friend who made the post where the incident occurred told me several people have talked to the stranger and explained why this was wrong and inappropriate. I was then told that this person was autistic, so that’s why they misread the situation. I asked if they understood that what was said was wrong and hurtful...the answer was essentially “not really.” I’ll admit I’m not well versed in autism but I still feel like this person is kind of shitty for refusing to budge even after others explained to them that they were wrong. my friends don’t agree but say I’m allowed to be upset. So I’m still feeling fucking awful about the whole thing, and now I feel like my friends think I’m asshole for not fully letting this person off the hook. Maybe I’m hurting too much to see clearly right now. I don’t know. I just needed to let this out. 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I have many medical records documenting my diagnosis. But I don’t even know who at a college to ask about this. I really can’t handle having a roommate or even sharing an “apartment”. Because of ptsd and some other health issues too. But I can’t afford off campus housing . If I just “deal with it”, I will most likely end up dropping out of college, which I do not want to do. I have some related and unrelated sleeping issues which I’m thinking may help my chances of getting a place to myself. Any advice? 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So, I’ve been struggling with PTSD since 2016. My situation is so weird. I was groomed and repeatedly raped about 3x a week for about three months when I was 16 by a 25yr old WHO LIVED IN MY HOUSE. he was a friend of my stepdad’s, and he spent the entire time in my house taking advantage of then 15 year old me and deluding me into believing we were in a “relationship”. I’m in therapy now, and in the process of getting him arrested. Therapy has been helping a lot, and my symptoms were subsiding. I could sleep without nightmares. I could have sex without stopping to have a panic attack. I had my first meeting with the police Wednesday, and I was in a “Crimes Against Children” unit. I hate that it even exists. They told me they’re going to charge him with the most serious sex crime in my state, and it has a minimum sentence of 25 years. I also learned that he is somewhere in Europe, and that the day before my meeting, he got engaged. And then it all came back. I tried to have sex, and broke down crying. I haven’t slept more than a nap since the meeting. I feel so much guilt and shame. I don’t know what to do. How do you even survive the court system? How do you deal with the guilt? 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My negative experience happened at a time when there was awful weather, and this season has been the worst in years. Not only is autumn itself (the visuals and scents) a trigger, but the wind, even on a sunny day, gets me so anxious. Today it's gloomy, a bit of snow, the wind is howling, and I've got no escape. I could take the Ativan but I have to study for an exam. Not sure if benzos or anxiety is worse for retaining information. I actually feel sort of guilty about it. My incident didn't actually involve the weather at all. No tornadoes or floods. It's just that it was the current weather at the time.",2.706536458333332,4.898856164062501,4.6106250000000015,81.00520833333336,77.203125,7.3916666666666675,26.291666666666664,8.344100000000001,1.9942479166666665,511,20,96,10,12,174,87,128,0.218,0.726,0.055999999999999994,-0.9670000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,14,1,11,0,0,2,2,20,16,10,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,2,6,2,12,10,3,14,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,4,9,70,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.4449550965975945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440560841416322,0.2575547710897466,0.0,0.1594103174650807,0.2335945039187608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24889730064520774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820250784702492,0.0,0.0,0.14702953156688198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044970964044453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057996294715092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230101454210461,0.0,0.0,0.11527455089767005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911118704840208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18233803449083694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016037324849142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339058667657986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148703399356047,0.0,0.1714140936767113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658762788672877,0.0,0.21610028177330867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23233313828204905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468129353606705 ptsd,AnxietyDrivenPhrog,2019/10/27,"Is this PTSD? I have an event that happens six times a year, and every time it happens I get very anxious and sad for no reason. There isn’t any thought behind it or anxiety, I just feel like utter shit. My therapist and psychiatrist haven’t said so, but I was wondering if this was PTSD. I have a very clear trauma that could have caused it from years ago, so I just wanted to hear what others think. Thanks",3.7838211382113833,4.9800330731707385,4.2741463414634175,88.7608943089431,71.92682926829268,7.417886178861789,23.422764227642283,7.793537801064563,0.9076276422764225,320,8,68,4,6,101,59,82,0.154,0.736,0.11,-0.1917,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,0,3,0,9,1,1,2,1,17,20,8,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,9,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,3,7,2,4,15,0,6,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,3,7,45,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137866971584353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12380202944633276,0.0,0.13926976162024607,0.2056676496815749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701819698922809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535420917920153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338719040499993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920512784558807,0.13005843335229345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951149838435377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32197707424924465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051865422016305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894171788817555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4256195581671691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718042173464092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731737382388571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868744058048008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16760959971894066,0.0,0.21137713205450664,0.0,0.11665197264083775,0.0,0.14452945063744455,0.21231270206857747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004249673090445,0.10737935642999344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974283085123104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23447184636281154 ptsd,JerubuMizukage,2019/10/27,"My PTSD is messing with my life outside my head and body and I need it to stop. I’ve been married for 3 and a half years and we have two incredible beautiful children. Just like their mom. I’ve had ptsd as long as I remember. When I don’t have medication I get quiet and have constant flashbacks and a feeling of fear and anxiety. I can’t speak. I can’t move, or think about anything but things I’ve seen and done. But I just have to pretend to smile and go on with my day. This doesn’t happen as often as it used to but it still does. Every time I get sucked into my head and become quiet and scared again it upsets my wife greatly. She’s not abusive or any thing but she gets really really mad at me when this happens to me. And I don’t know what to do because I know it’s making her resent me. I don’t blame her. I’d probably resent me to if I dealt with night terrors, and silence from my s/o. Cause they randomly get trapped in their mind. It would piss me off and confuse me. I empathize with how she feels. But it’s terrifying. It feels like the way my mind is wired because of my past is going to take everything from me just like it got taken last time. I feel like I’m going to lose my kids and my wife if I don’t stop ptsd but I don’t know how. I try coping, I’ve tried different meds over the last 5 years and I can’t make it stop. I feel so guilty because of how mad she gets. I feel like me being me and around any of them is ruining their lives and I just don’t know what to do. It feels like I’m just a walking problem. I don’t want to lose my kids and wife just because of PTSD. I’ve already hated having it for years but if it in itself is going to start ruining my life I don’t know how many choices I really have. I feel trapped and stuck and fucking terrified. What do I do?",0.8288675760159165,2.483108447570334,2.8601555839727206,93.90150930662121,80.89258312020459,5.981273088945724,21.0912901392441,6.937597516519254,0.2998013071895427,1397,40,330,16,36,471,166,391,0.23399999999999999,0.693,0.073,-0.9971,1,2,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,5,2,18,26,8,5,5,0,32,8,4,8,0,82,73,44,0,7,19,4,8,6,0,1,3,3,0,3,21,28,0,3,15,1,0,6,13,19,0,2,7,12,60,7,38,64,0,35,0,4,1,1,20,8,3,8,26,208,81,0,0.0,0.09298785256889487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660638783168789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674034698993486,0.0,0.06003820271377192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645836627716206,0.06986525553335922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19136659904950956,0.08667675186933049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717535579149051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062221325990354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08481071935747148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050614133922579366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199655920298426,0.0,0.0,0.06867976963389064,0.08031391637097979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661241257548944,0.0,0.0705341939530169,0.0,0.0,0.08831360966261043,0.3174612063207618,0.224269058707298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255496674228687,0.20501696185445686,0.0,0.17841158832239998,0.0,0.06276889818356665,0.0865262317361038,0.0,0.0,0.1388020244170013,0.0,0.0,0.07748432355067968,0.16108950971744068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156571511945032,0.12794594380554278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086773816079423,0.23005284820585725,0.0,0.06930068317834745,0.06945373884035509,0.0,0.17560165223698276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477414354365557,0.07956801564766858,0.0,0.0,0.08717535579149051,0.079061946793352,0.0,0.0,0.15848806973505347,0.09191669147882428,0.0,0.08341351151379969,0.0,0.05819310568953238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364965717053669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491955950116012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461642961408067,0.07509628393236806,0.3669631227181157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15083195152766246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088904344141753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857376435487899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554967443383844,0.0,0.06267550038184941,0.19684237409893787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900838968274906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104279364252791,0.0502878349104165,0.0,0.0,0.09152649431726224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656769797602296,0.0,0.07666511111233401,0.0,0.0,0.06778289677123765,0.0,0.0,0.046290476077623405,0.0622950343462637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557510708824396,0.0,0.0,0.1516187154931887 ptsd,annabelle_squirts,2019/10/27,"My anxiety is becoming a beast that rivals my PTSD I went to the emergency room this morning by ambulance because I thought I was having some cardiac issues. Nope. Just an anxiety attack. I don't know how to deal with this anymore.",2.7734090909090905,5.5591058863636365,4.469272727272728,78.69390909090913,81.04545454545455,8.065454545454546,31.52727272727273,8.841846274778883,3.439087272727273,185,10,31,5,5,62,37,44,0.21100000000000002,0.789,0.0,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507724253900306,0.0,0.29218739825299506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3351768263660292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959978416459466,0.3253885684364892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037439477083883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30751044518990883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191740042603173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34439916873627563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338981924223333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731189866348481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tehsauciness,2019/10/27,"DBT for intrusive thoughts I have the trifecta ( BD 1; BPD; PTSD) and I had some of the worst intrusive thoughts I've ever had. I usually use thought separating techniques, but they didn't seem to be working. I remembered hearing somewhere that prazosin works for them, so I took half my nighttime dose but had to wait for them to kick in so I decided to try some dbt as it works pretty well for my emotional outbursts. I did some five senses grounding by brushing my teeth, noticing small details on objects, mindful showering, and mindful eating. I did some distracting and self soothe by cooking and eating while listening to music, checking the facts, and did some temperature change by going outside to smoke in the snowy weather without a coat. Basically I overloaded my mind with enough stimuli that my mind had a hard time producing those thoughts. Does anybody else use dbt for their intrusive thoughts? It was really helpful.",7.452322015334065,8.875026554216868,6.78702081051479,73.28158269441407,63.57831325301203,10.132749178532311,40.99452354874042,10.230975488527342,4.625669879518073,752,43,120,17,11,232,106,166,0.040999999999999995,0.862,0.09699999999999999,0.8831,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,4,4,4,3,0,1,6,0,11,5,1,3,2,32,24,11,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,5,6,3,1,8,1,1,2,2,2,1,2,15,4,18,1,21,8,7,11,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,6,4,82,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447993387408612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975294080790492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073363943181653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510137862453966,0.10246268296617518,0.13797059393989636,0.0,0.12673561204576006,0.0,0.0,0.11094865285744396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970777820450615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987496955579353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824132759253654,0.0,0.08221319681456113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4953871580667646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964376106657878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478443634374273,0.0,0.0,0.14337736807455873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857606352522667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894443429653194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166068980243124,0.1279561263746983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4868726505636672,0.07152123497913697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627444311318607,0.08327483123857972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21186942747911794,0.1350873770221945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028175739815338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823523830572195,0.0,0.2678833448379932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gothicgf,2019/10/27,"DAE get physical symptoms? Hey; I’m new to this sub! My story is for another day, but I want to know if anyone shares my experience and maybe get someone who can relate or give advice. I am an abuse survivor, and I’ve noticed that when I get set off by something or undergo a lot of stress, my symptoms are not only mental distress, but I get physically sick. Depending on the stressor, this ‘illness’ lasts anywhere from hours to even days after an episode. Most commonly I have digestive/bathroom issues and migraines, but if it’s bad enough I get physically shaky and have nausea. Does anyone else experience something similar? What are your symptoms? What do yiu do about it?",5.0183333333333335,7.00369511904762,5.806539682539682,75.87457142857146,70.03174603174602,8.532063492063491,33.234920634920634,9.120678840339163,3.2356882539682537,539,26,91,11,10,176,91,126,0.183,0.7390000000000001,0.079,-0.9574,0,0,2,0,1,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,3,4,0,9,6,0,1,0,18,18,12,0,3,8,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,10,1,11,18,3,11,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,8,8,59,18,0,0.0,0.1739097268305971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343124586853184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391112217995534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052633030453361,0.15039296141576527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255476623889032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932129221333294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844774501022987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261545264592465,0.0,0.0,0.15166247835301291,0.0,0.09694648708590373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28715706605234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834311993099431,0.1408042880080046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454825838608948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531996818928193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066618427501245,0.11964489727203365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478669700623515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14745975397027775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791923086293826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417605727708824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16710945367310315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11163243729816824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436580897278375,0.2259960873443934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681354415322166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4576803590822423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657436242603027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sevenkindsofgender,2019/10/27,"I am mixed up, and not sure what this is Trigger warnings - hospitalisation, medical issues, sibling abuse, suicide, sexual assault, forced hospital admissions, coming out trans, friend rejection. Sorry this is a long one, but I promise there is a point. So, I grew up with a sister who psychologically abused me...and physically. She would hit me for breathing too loud, monitoring everything I did, she joined my bullies at school, she told me everyday I was shit, pathetic and nothing. She ground me down, and every time I see her, I feel total rage and want to scream. I have only been actively triggered by her a few times, and the rest of the time I just get this blind anger and rage when I see something I know she likes (animated Disney movies, Halloween, certain candy brands, etc). I got sexually assaulted and would relive it in my dreams. I could never see his face, and I still can’t remember it, but I remember his hands. Regularly relived this for about 3 years after it happened, then it stopped. This wasn’t a rape. It was all hands. I always thought it was mild but the effect it has on me for years after Wasn’t mild. I came out as trans (unrelated to anything else, but being a closeted trans kid wasn’t fun in itself) and I lost friends. A lot of bad stuff went down, fed into stuff from my sister...I don’t want to go into detail, but the world became terrifying and far more dangerous over night, and I lost so many people I loved and I blamed myself for it. I still relive this stuff today. I tried to kill myself, mostly due to my life falling apart, anxiety and not being able to deal with whatever this is, whether it is ptsd or something else. I messed it up, thought about what my parents would think, and went for help at my local ER. They took me and locked me on a ward and wouldn’t let me leave. I still can’t go into hospitals and I have attacks whIch feel just like I did when they took me in. I can get set off now by seeing people being imprisoned on tv. I guess what I’m asking is, are these things and my responses to them typical of ptsd? I know I should be asking a doctor but honestly, I can’t do it. I would rather die than go back to a hospital. I know that is silly but I just can’t. I was in therapy for a year after I got out of hospital (thankfully, in an office that looked nothing like a hospital) and they never gave me a diagnosis more than “severe anxiety & depression.” I suspected I had some kind of ptsd but assumed that it would have come up. Also...I’m not a war vet and my symptoms have been fairly mild compared to some of the stories on here. But then...a couple of friends of mine with ptsd told me I should think about it. Basically, are my experiences typical of ptsd and should I push through and put myself back in the healthcare system to work this out? Thank you for reading. Good health and love to you all xxx",4.520209212616294,5.509783122123891,5.5148672566371655,81.32697299750399,69.99115044247786,8.839119582482414,27.761515770365328,9.127657967737557,2.142955525300659,2244,75,449,43,39,740,273,565,0.204,0.685,0.111,-0.9961,2,0,2,0,3,2,87.0,0,2,4,4,21,36,11,0,21,0,49,15,5,3,7,95,95,40,4,13,18,2,4,3,3,9,6,2,1,1,35,36,1,1,14,3,0,14,14,18,1,1,27,12,79,18,70,52,12,75,0,4,6,3,31,33,1,7,29,324,114,4,0.06845330840438907,0.16221195378275066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054742085999490805,0.056958636272655065,0.07416913105666541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473318712882636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633124021693589,0.0,0.1279892056814301,0.07787552055045435,0.0,0.10527273758482952,0.05715565322106265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829234864518499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117932927840447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465439666450471,0.07574228374672196,0.0,0.0,0.07057235519023974,0.058958734223084924,0.0,0.07104372674013935,0.0,0.0,0.07006486176692922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436791087036802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634353368577393,0.0,0.0,0.057674864697680364,0.0,0.061521419699058666,0.06696047077954075,0.0,0.0,0.0692240990420848,0.04890305720171331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866056880237292,0.0,0.07152805667036029,0.0,0.11671077801997665,0.057415387344382035,0.10949672811944043,0.0,0.07540903670166328,0.0,0.06053303455147858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276266581285355,0.0,0.0,0.04588280968964918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714474692463203,0.0,0.0,0.07573344354804305,0.07128358682426764,0.11286044427113978,0.0,0.0,0.072482169722785,0.0,0.06999814569702689,0.04835059613085597,0.10032848632865833,0.0,0.0,0.06057902383789185,0.05748353865342039,0.0,0.1494497448198763,0.05819655489193786,0.12356356686111533,0.0,0.0,0.06940091055045099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689595065641267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559082290813712,0.0,0.0,0.0642387927832352,0.0,0.1313655912198967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638573336036001,0.05206182566575221,0.0,0.0,0.07600929808019259,0.0,0.0,0.09491380994453558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647105025067793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4000912717216346,0.06881448187705877,0.0,0.0,0.06847183284181194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550885084944078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692784026529598,0.2181936964743291,0.0,0.0,0.0773327540373808,0.07026633737663124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053974022715258,0.0,0.0766278744038099,0.0,0.0,0.16400070154946508,0.057230030962317865,0.0,0.0,0.2350879824374336,0.0748768089728647,0.0,0.06451643305950791,0.07114919773582559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260452187734597,0.07828232392540159,0.0,0.04547733641374214,0.0877242320041677,0.0,0.1086885611286739,0.1197470238525698,0.0,0.06488573233209759,0.1308201393649583,0.15210828872227494,0.0464753030134047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075106972194712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691380539043773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04983482379336353,0.0,0.0,0.2431363313455596,0.0,0.0,0.132245058847655 ptsd,dreshany,2019/10/27,A sub for flashbacks? I’d there a sub for discussing/venting about flashbacks?,2.4347619047619027,4.738383428571432,1.4014285714285712,93.32690476190477,107.57142857142858,1.866666666666667,33.23809523809524,3.1291,1.2752666666666674,64,4,10,0,3,18,10,14,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,8401T,2019/10/27,"Need to Vent (if that's alright) This is certainly not directed at the community here. i'ts directed at the, ""Just Get Over It"" so called peoples. They think they peoples anyway, but they may wish to examine their humanity occasionally. sorry if that's blunt, or brutal. &#x200B; I already feel like dirt. What kinda human are you, if you don't think, i tell myself, that same phrase, day after day - you just reconfirm my assessment that i'm not human :( and that hurts a lot. Just leads to more isolation - put me in an effing cage. &#x200B; My head knows reality, it knows the here and now, it knows what's up. My body, that's something else. My feels? So i mostly have tools, and they mostly work, but sometimes i'm tired, or no sleep, or no appetite, or just whatever, same stuff anyone else feels - most peeps have a down-day you know (especially when being microwaved - sorry couldn't help it - need humor or ima lose it). Not quite up for the day but you do it, you score it, or try. So apparently i spend a lot of energy, to just be ok. recently aware of this. so on those occasional down-days, sometimes i lose it - totally, completely, and wholly. You think i don't feel bad about that? embarrassed, scared, hating on myself, mantras flying through my head - some to soothe me, and some i'm cursing myself - and all the while just trying to get back to feeling human. &#x200B; sometimes, my body reacts before my head - i can't explain it, and likely i can't explain what happens. it's like well, anyone knows what i'ts like - say something wholly out of nowhere startles you - that feeling in your body - your head kinda reacts a moment later after you process it. imagine that effing feeling hitting in waves like electricity - sometimes every minute, sometimes i get a long break from it - because i have tools, and set my life up, so i don't have too many of those moments. But it doesn't have to be a visual for me - it can be an odor, a word, a feel, a sound, or sometimes just some stupid thing trips it off - flashes of i dunno like memory /images/ pictures that come up out of some innocent space - like i'm thinking/trying to visualize some benign thing, and one of those images will just appear - maybe i'ts kinda loosely related, but i sure didn't do it on purpose :( &#x200B; Deep Breath...i gotta go breathe. i think i have more rant in me.",3.253671544715445,5.467125453333331,4.082932249322493,85.338756097561,75.57777777777778,6.612466124661246,25.197831978319783,7.590005382236693,1.3509441734417345,1834,64,348,25,41,587,211,450,0.11900000000000001,0.748,0.133,0.2194,1,1,2,0,0,0,112.0,0,11,5,5,22,24,3,3,16,2,25,11,9,3,4,89,61,31,0,7,26,0,8,7,0,3,2,2,0,4,38,12,0,0,21,0,1,6,13,10,1,1,1,11,46,14,40,51,16,41,0,3,0,0,26,19,0,26,21,233,84,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707613659700879,0.0,0.0,0.27790913566903364,0.3116660348143098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967263696294768,0.06570162922809374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049306657457940814,0.0535400575649493,0.039088808253121866,0.0,0.05456398169489672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367871617238632,0.0,0.0,0.06547679027361443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523631862765325,0.06723178441693173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20677027084393976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071331388322929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054026424368229055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593802739519151,0.04580951052304428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050492092605756,0.0,0.036442599705003666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567037899458893,0.0,0.0,0.06330822371174152,0.2632349422818711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298032011853818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864503744936185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620172116400587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04529199745357251,0.21929093866214225,0.0,0.0,0.056746870007146136,0.0,0.1434745529745652,0.0,0.10903022617709676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501069511986166,0.06442020949795269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509283903251207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345142946228917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890968017607083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446136319621591,0.0,0.06820274302605356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331376328428111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050993212819315736,0.06419834650035745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416934599950615,0.0,0.0,0.09873009346928596,0.38051593993557,0.14356098042626514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340553618756553,0.0,0.0,0.060435203610241066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056046360770516584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520099315722769,0.1643498120187098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369999827695163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060599915088608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765431122814686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373832810694894,0.0,0.0,0.046682334717023835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116660348143098,0.0 ptsd,HarleyF23,2019/10/27,"My boyfriend is (too) nice ptw? I recently started dating this guy, the first one since my traumas. I've been friends with him for quite a while so he knows about my past and how there's some things I can't do with him, and he is respectful of that. He is respectful of me and would never lay a finger on me in a harmful way. I just get so confused and (I'm not sure if it's relief) mixed emotions because I feel like he should hurt me. It's not normal (to me) that he isn't hurting me. And I know I should be grateful and super happy I am in a healthy relationship, but I am weirded out about how nice he is. Does anyone else feel the same?",1.815155938951559,3.0682920948905132,3.3066887856668887,93.53816191108164,76.95620437956204,6.149701393497015,24.13337757133377,6.574015621080383,0.5183489051094892,495,16,116,4,11,163,86,137,0.057999999999999996,0.764,0.17800000000000002,0.9226,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,9,16,0,1,6,0,14,1,1,2,2,29,21,13,0,5,5,0,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,6,0,2,1,3,18,10,12,16,2,12,0,2,0,0,11,4,0,3,8,79,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780913525359645,0.20194085989502472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014355874651415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247381682467214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464247868145293,0.2216984751308503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993081304719746,0.14080034323468707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764371014941068,0.0,0.0,0.15227038842063867,0.0,0.10297081109424007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514898853325552,0.0,0.2098047895074036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219754685816184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662980053851005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628767688302307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200710301786502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310526741635786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335525333598683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814364769814126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962829591433352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946015030529972,0.21159971066202574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303396743925844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950053158367415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575394747995774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093710174483508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643998808089035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000629353323135,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,embyr311,2019/10/27,"Do I Have PTSD? (NSFW) Hello, I'm not sure if this is allowed here but I have questions about something that happened in my childhood, that I feel may have traumatized me. I currently suffer from extreme anxiety and depression most of the time.(May have Triggers) I used to be very close with my older brother(Two years older) and would play video games with him. Now I feel constantly judged by him even though he never says anything and I don't really feel safe around him. What happened was that one day when I was a kid (so was he) he asked me to go into his room with him and close the door. I didn't really want to but I said okay. He then took his pants down and asked me to look. I said no at first but I was curious so I moved closer. The next thing I remembered was going into my room crying about how come he couldn't leave me a child, even though I didn't really know why I was saying it. I had a totally blank spot, moments after whatever happened happened. I told my mother about it years later and she said it was just a kids checking to see if their body parts are normal thing. She said my brother felt really guilty about it and thought he screwed me up because of it. My question is, if it was exactly as she said, could I still be traumatized over it? Even if my brother didn't mean to upset me? I still feel shame about wanting to see what he looked like. Please be nice, it's a sensitive issue.",2.614210526315791,4.5042928771929835,3.5956491228070178,89.5882105263158,76.36842105263158,6.945964912280703,23.329824561403512,7.839951260653429,1.082167719298246,1110,34,231,17,25,356,153,285,0.152,0.774,0.07400000000000001,-0.9783,2,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,1,20,11,1,2,8,1,28,2,1,4,4,53,60,22,0,10,9,3,5,1,0,2,0,7,3,3,16,16,0,1,11,3,1,5,8,5,0,2,21,16,43,6,29,32,3,37,0,2,4,1,37,13,1,8,20,161,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280819292989421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832046208333207,0.08472543770538864,0.17795052429245975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801746069231663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571735722100624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198436043422233,0.0,0.10284976795425384,0.0,0.0759890530576813,0.0,0.10454466310517577,0.06137964597613355,0.0,0.08197361340558733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885854777261078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249224421117625,0.0,0.09138239632244033,0.0,0.0,0.08095533764259961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817966524942688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366498034923607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933739758802784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05230538810675964,0.0,0.0,0.1007759993145738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04649742830160139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984513361264166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036728762339199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115537715561188,0.0,0.0,0.07340440233586626,0.0,0.10121910617092708,0.0,0.09325075250555527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449266973116256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306465351219804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447296457792267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125383767895627,0.0,0.21323432900189607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438847562703478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781409749119046,0.0,0.4526634783243851,0.15137308362852447,0.0,0.0,0.1516834270444659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326994059157027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201287571963226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970079177610328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264593496797387,0.0,0.18701682569938666,0.07555788136376718,0.05549698654553074,0.0,0.0,0.09094326456697666,0.10574231468679596,0.0,0.0,0.09297160721931792,0.0,0.0,0.08220016593426971,0.0,0.07852888784443167,0.11227271173136404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588013672356294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760919783372797,0.0,0.0,0.12257844939206362 ptsd,cuunt00,2019/10/27,"I feel helpless Without going into huge detail as I don't wanna put triggers in here, I am autistic w non combative PTSD and a myriad of other mental illnesses including OCD and some EDs that I now know I use mainly as coping mechanism to give myself structure and control but I'm getting side tracked. I feel very helpless, I can't get over the things that have happened to me; I was in therapy for approximately 5 years in total but I feel it only made things worse for me. Now I'm in uni and I feel so so alone. I try to make actual friends but it seems like so much more effort than it's worth when they all end up hurting and leaving you. I guess just what's the point? I've not felt actual happiness in over a year, I'm a huge burdon on all those around me. I have a disabling chronic pain disorder that causes agony for me daily which ofc just makes trying to do daily shit sm harder than it has to be. It feels like everyday I'm fighting so hard just to do the normal shit that's expected of me, whilst constantly having internal conflicts bc my autism and my mental illnesses contradict each other. I dunno, anyone else here autistic w PTSD or got success storys? I just wanna know someone has actually won this up hill battle",5.567058029689614,5.826581360323889,6.644955465587046,76.7504831309042,67.38056680161944,9.501646423751684,30.636707152496623,9.3871,2.690250958164641,984,35,184,18,15,331,151,247,0.257,0.6609999999999999,0.081,-0.9940000000000001,0,1,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,1,1,4,14,14,4,0,7,0,12,6,2,7,3,46,37,17,0,4,10,0,7,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,17,9,0,2,9,0,1,2,4,8,0,0,5,7,25,6,30,31,8,27,0,3,0,0,5,16,2,5,11,123,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.34728960156361943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228621787579226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294701504474948,0.12154775888433073,0.0,0.10560350940266383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186298598722704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819404338737395,0.13305068209108806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359572429495172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909794536526503,0.0,0.10506863899268737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999078121050819,0.08474741654173966,0.11390087806723732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165121148140244,0.0,0.12395580889883115,0.11379818235883706,0.06741866790980466,0.0,0.09487714428179683,0.0,0.13068142177710915,0.0,0.10490179116020468,0.12628104080115354,0.10626682236736512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699305266136654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13038899991167266,0.0,0.0,0.1256092559614192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11591068136873255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224808540085823,0.15836938072294598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23909697419389145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720476609261907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622963522795192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022146013121564,0.12622788510081892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214120802196352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773380937674367,0.11925327154259747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799390194713143,0.0,0.0,0.2435385803369017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005125852977189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13566073560998088,0.0,0.1576215064169527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108039410029298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245595928727888,0.0,0.09788000357928787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143525510622973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089142423730775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278427333654773 ptsd,Alaudez,2019/10/27,"Airing things out. (I guess? TW: Dog attack, nightmares) For context I'm a F/20yrs. Latina living in the States, and I've always been a huge animal lover. So when I started working at my dream job at a dog hotel I thought that this was the best job I ever had. Physically, demanding yes, but fun and rewarding. It was a month and a half into my new job when I was attacked by a pit bull. The dog was special needs which usually means he was dog aggressive which he was. What this boils down to is that I took him out to play in the morning, and again in the afternoon. The Pit had seen a dog next door and lost it. I went through protocol to redirect his attention to me so that we could continue to play, but when none of that worked sp I squirted water onto his neck. All that agression redirect to me, and he gave me no indication that he was going to attack so it surprised me when he jumped up going straight for my throat. Luckily I reacted and punched him in the face. Here I am moving cars and trash cans using them as buffers between me and the dog until he brings me down, and goes ham on my leg almost to the point of breaking it. Long story short it's been five months since this event, and my official diagnostic of PTSD. Isn't getting any better even with the help of my therapist. Nightmares always escalate to where the Pit snapped my neck. I just needed to post this. I was too afraid to put it on my normal social media accounts because the back lash from pit bull sympathizers, and to me it dosen't matter it was a pit bull it could have been any dog breed. It just makes life hard when even the smallest of dogs prevent me from enjoying life, and when I feel conflicted about my love of dogs especially when I live in a highly populated dog area.",3.436318681318681,5.05683031908832,4.4271336996337,85.64971153846155,73.44444444444444,7.749328449328447,26.495828245828253,8.418075326091056,1.7274956450956442,1386,49,282,24,28,450,189,351,0.067,0.794,0.139,0.9817,3,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,0,1,6,21,17,4,1,22,1,21,11,5,3,2,41,41,27,0,5,4,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,24,18,2,2,4,4,1,9,3,6,0,2,20,3,37,11,45,19,3,57,0,1,1,2,17,24,0,2,21,190,61,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725101098310894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19486032486950575,0.0,0.0,0.15925354016996762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996281396521587,0.0,0.09003674064230671,0.0,0.07137837103854199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288113066081065,0.10355861200472337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18697732576692855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467670181800375,0.10591667679835218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920537828350079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117588688987901,0.0,0.13309248962048176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899035467986664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10489168943423506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848449144087966,0.12371442949893167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3485880801424655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16541148956924778,0.0,0.0,0.20678926841768347,0.1036229888723325,0.0,0.0,0.12782006264977394,0.0,0.1056803601535274,0.0,0.07816001047465625,0.0,0.0,0.12754782677756135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692389191601572,0.12445056982842267,0.0,0.1736448935362182,0.0,0.11308845994905292,0.12452897507482275,0.0,0.11472557972269636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069005831336598,0.0,0.11214204316860264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368746168920475,0.11771008903813887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685994939035883,0.0,0.0,0.1193608403064901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287852305475545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595316951265074,0.07779091221005911,0.0,0.0,0.09295819614496403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300938386844626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113014036588204,0.12896061090512775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854572268208706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704891582674954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,iliveinstress,2019/10/27,"those of you who had no therapy do you have stories of success? therapy is too expensive for me to afford and with no free health insurance in the US, i'm at a loss and feeling pretty hopeless. is there anyone out there who has succeeded or are succeeding without therapy? what do you use to help you?",5.0244915254237315,6.011658186440684,6.3625000000000025,75.71798728813562,68.83050847457628,10.645762711864409,35.08898305084746,10.686352973137794,4.086284745762711,239,12,44,7,4,81,46,59,0.127,0.6,0.273,0.905,1,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,1,4,0,4,3,6,0,0,2,0,8,1,0,1,0,8,11,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,6,5,10,10,0,3,0,2,0,0,8,3,0,1,0,38,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636715495422317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835598014124413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24881209720720154,0.0,0.0,0.15689636954757982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381396879935792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8030597411134958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815648956565077,0.2021667157924596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256411423168881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ShowerBabies510,2019/10/27,"LEO career with PTSD? Hi. Looking for advice from (aspiring/) LEO's with VA claims. How should I go about my claims before getting hired? Claim the small stuff now, then go back again for possible PTSD? Retirement is a couple years away, and I don't want to be rated too high that would prevent me from getting hired by a local SF Bay Area PD/SO. ATM, I have anything that'll qualify for a lot: ringing in ears, burn pits, lower back, elbow and knee pain. But the guys are saying I could have PTSD (Seabee, Iraq 08, Afghan 13 and nearby-""Djibouti""). Of course, feel free to PM/DM me. Thanks all!",3.1190434782608705,5.094663904347829,3.362826086956524,91.43554347826091,75.17391304347827,6.339130434782609,21.065217391304348,7.1686216300943375,0.4284086956521742,459,11,95,5,10,141,91,115,0.06,0.867,0.073,0.3421,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,5,0,10,4,3,1,1,15,18,6,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,3,0,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,5,7,3,14,13,2,14,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,6,51,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17170448836566954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459664066006156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650879345493476,0.27022455300528003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951862815147238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402923515362951,0.19442284145564492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884565771725624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360534345855012,0.0,0.1997232366447708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398327100893013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565019220577791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755447511056966,0.0,0.0,0.1493847162419322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18697077937588127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19808975047427232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6161964866269768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973384985746495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011490864222356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177271382376973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363994620510322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482131264849992,0.0,0.0,0.11315326498299495 ptsd,RENOYES,2019/10/27,"Help I’m having a huge nightmare based ptsd/panic attack. I dreamt that my abusive ex chased me and pointed a gun at me, and then they tried to commit me.",4.379687499999998,4.583177593750001,5.031250000000004,87.48875000000002,69.9375,6.4,25.375,3.1291,0.4614500000000002,121,3,25,0,2,39,27,32,0.256,0.5539999999999999,0.19,-0.5423,0,0,0,1,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,15,7,0,0.0,0.4401900581211237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226572594425225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490218037950156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43589828487240256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512061743323302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43428661339908864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522374690347009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rblake1242,2019/10/27,"Sleep issues related to Trauma Hello, I'm new to this subreddit. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and Social Phobia, but I also have had a lot of sleep issues the past few years. I've had so much daytime sleepiness that some doctors have thought I've had Narcolepsy. I had traumatic events happen in the middle of the middle of the night scattered throughout my childhood. Do you any of you feel that your just don't get restorative sleep due to trauma? Is this daytime sleepiness a big issue to anyone else?",5.444642857142861,7.031156916666671,5.491904761904763,80.11500000000002,68.375,7.569047619047621,29.339285714285715,7.957251820313856,2.102091071428572,408,15,69,5,7,128,64,96,0.134,0.866,0.0,-0.9154,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,0,11,5,3,0,0,8,16,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,1,7,0,10,10,4,11,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,7,47,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924581733684172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184093704035468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175060284571322,0.17840922799607606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673082074096916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782219066956937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545712805317276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880416417691065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097189604423274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15397608107367916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5452164127584729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803284719898396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800017983851308,0.0,0.0,0.16816873682283556,0.0,0.16340230816043064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621976828087226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354005560085395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5227451867764199,0.17749611012032124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823393147338464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121292753816003 ptsd,AwkwardTeen96,2019/10/27,"Any tips for managing flashbacks/triggers? Lately I have been having more symptoms than usual including debilitating panic attacks and flashbacks that cause me to go in and out of consciousness and have asthmatic reactions that feel like I’m dying. My boyfriend is the only person that can help me when this happens, and he lives almost two hours away, and even when he is here it still happens. He helps me and I feel guilty. I know I shouldn’t. But I do. Because it takes so long to come down from it. And I feel like I got tossed into a literal blender the next day. Often I have earthquakes - a big hit and then after shocks for hours. The amount and severity of my triggers is really distressing me. It’s been ruining my life. Over and over again I try to start over : new job, new school year, and everytime my symptoms get spiked by some event or series of triggering events that debilitate me. I see a therapist, I have medication - even one for the severe attacks, I have an inhaler, a weighted blanket too. I try so hard. I’ve been dealing with panic attacks and flashbacks and insomnia most of my life but lately all three are ramping up to unbearable extents that have me dissociating more than usual. And I don’t fight or flight. I usually freeze. When someone touches me, that can be a trigger because of my sexual assault. Even a friend. I’ve gotten better about this and made progress but it still happens even on a good day and where I feel safe (safer I guess is the better word. I never feel safe honestly. Hyper vigilance is my middle name) it still happens. I’ve had so many different sources of trauma in my life, physical and emotional child abuse, physical health issues, suicidal past, neglect, eating disorder, grief, but the sexual assault? That is the one that has been consistently the most destructive of all. I want so badly to succeed. To feel okay. To be whole. To be independent. To take care of myself and be better able to care for others. But right now? I feel submerged. I feel a constant numbness - and when I’m not numb, I’m feeling too much, usually during a panic attack, and it’s unbearable. How do you all manager these triggers? The insomnia? The panic attacks and flashbacks? I’m desperate for help. I don’t know what to do. I’m so isolated. I have no one I can talk to about this 99% of the time.",3.3047501571338813,5.7669258536036025,4.382922690131991,82.03021055939661,76.5,7.64374607165305,27.66792373769118,8.569652575389874,2.33317144353656,1845,77,335,39,43,600,217,444,0.21,0.665,0.125,-0.9933,2,0,0,0,2,0,65.0,0,1,0,5,26,36,9,5,21,1,34,13,0,8,4,70,69,39,3,2,8,0,13,2,1,1,11,0,1,2,21,25,2,3,12,0,0,2,6,22,0,5,8,15,41,14,45,55,12,50,0,3,1,0,14,15,0,8,35,233,62,5,0.06723365673329823,0.07966088910004983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732479533680466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045721192118971264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824399534997821,0.06316823369757475,0.0,0.05613729502058613,0.08197002620875693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783881170863239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709838785585413,0.06906748582820907,0.0,0.05791584200091818,0.0,0.07265569773455494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672029298266397,0.06931494787207024,0.0,0.0,0.06977792086371254,0.07024486133191524,0.0770555954672109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06879681573896834,0.0,0.07562881442216521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762878470649998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059582129073587,0.09606347560837616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051944556411849634,0.0,0.0351268106763015,0.0,0.038210436521760816,0.05639240138865264,0.05377289720104832,0.0,0.07406545288121147,0.0,0.2378180024267777,0.0,0.060228150397004826,0.0,0.0,0.07146623311996735,0.0,0.0,0.13519590865101247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242321738698445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017446977715368,0.06671902998437547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389971885719035,0.0,0.1516849865742334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246736025853826,0.06569393715341998,0.0,0.05936855067319504,0.05949967048917627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361811164285741,0.0,0.06816437518786424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773083581936623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942447370266762,0.0,0.051854740896182784,0.12986936926490525,0.07150375668506828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667779746958653,0.05113422561027843,0.0,0.3155368395037004,0.0,0.0,0.06418213299876649,0.0,0.058705835736482886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043071602119524065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741717549177752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680440500477208,0.05357651964555705,0.0,0.0,0.15190978961818802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696685916866087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04758832828556057,0.0,0.16107865534940075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354270800216788,0.0,0.0,0.13976302530655604,0.10110268506324024,0.054039866516572416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806345750099923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03920448591993126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912944791775447,0.0,0.06567751319601442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961934967690054,0.0,0.039656152705279016,0.0,0.0,0.08187248104857625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506397669042393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04329627059421995 ptsd,anonymous4811,2019/10/27,Im failing everything I'm failing everything because of my PTSD. I cant go go school because I see mail teachers or hear certain phrases or smell certain things that remind me of my childhood and send me into a spiral. In turn I'm failing my classes. I can't go to work because i work with old people and i can't just avoid mail residents because I'm fucked in the brain. Help me .,3.277890295358649,4.578322886075952,4.780443037974685,84.2404535864979,73.30379746835443,6.785654008438819,33.41983122362869,7.1686216300943375,2.2459603375527424,304,16,59,3,6,102,47,79,0.17600000000000002,0.715,0.10800000000000001,-0.8182,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,5,1,7,1,1,2,0,3,2,1,0,2,10,13,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,5,0,0,0,3,11,2,7,13,0,9,0,3,1,1,5,3,1,2,2,30,13,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4836028000129197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140292069117384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564941203089301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18335375789552724,0.0,0.0,0.3381481307187633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22353338330171507,0.0,0.13293704824779762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21423144864204047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081149583658143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137497701397583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318382551205456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20072149936546932,0.1580440809519384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176226359953735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21572711023654054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288774572431356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,2hogwild,2019/10/27,"I hate myself. If I could kill myself without it fucking my family I would in a heart beat. I am tired of losing it during arguments. I am tired of not having motivation. I am tired of feeling overwhelmed. Most of all I am tired of being a piece of shit. Retired Army, but have no health coverage because of a technical error on my part. Can't get treatment. Don't trust the VA. Offing myself will leave my wife with a mountain of debt she can't afford alone. I love my family, but sometimes I feel like I would be happier in a van down by the river.",1.7018912337662329,3.8152317053571454,3.868409090909093,85.46295454545455,80.16071428571428,6.572727272727272,22.68181818181818,7.686295010490155,1.1763285714285718,429,14,85,7,11,147,72,112,0.316,0.585,0.099,-0.9725,2,1,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,3,0,9,4,1,7,0,15,9,2,1,1,14,21,3,1,4,5,1,2,1,0,3,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,6,6,0,0,0,2,18,3,16,15,4,4,0,2,0,2,3,4,2,2,1,67,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565926363843439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216719485638104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071706993971737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28506677029975386,0.0,0.15289767915422664,0.10801388610551088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977753256313075,0.07899325531605153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927396489212302,0.0,0.16071343485592066,0.0,0.17916704829555746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672750951343358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009389336998175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386634098520352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914876241951932,0.0,0.0,0.1364595773907934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372967533758592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519970727279894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953592579447886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6951065950253668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14574678415399456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148094741295719,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kubash16,2019/10/27,"Having the past trauma talk with a current sex partner. . . Having “that” talk. . . I’m not in a place to have a full on relationship, however I’ve met someone I really like and we’ve agreed to be friends with benefits. I have a history of CSA that’s kinda complicated in terms of who all was involved in it. Long story short, my partner and I were talking about fantasies and limits. There’s a fantasy he wants (pretty tame honestly- just a threesome with two girls) and I would love to fulfill that for him. I know I can do it if it’s agreed that the other girl and I don’t interact sexually at all. But I know he would want more and I just can’t at this point. I am meeting with him tomorrow and I feel like I should explain why I’m just not able to right now. Sorry if that’s all convoluted, ultimately I want to express to a friend with benefits partner that there are certain sexual acts that are way too triggering still? Do I divulge what’s happened in the past? He’s not demanding an explanation but I feel like my hang up is a weird one in the grand scheme of things. How would you approach this kind of conversation?",2.9822356776898005,4.76286708849558,4.5560270144387545,83.58396599906848,75.01769911504425,8.120726595249186,27.38146250582208,8.841846274778883,2.130304424778761,886,35,181,19,19,297,128,226,0.024,0.812,0.16399999999999998,0.9702,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,1,10,14,0,0,13,0,20,2,0,2,4,42,33,12,0,9,10,0,2,3,5,4,0,0,0,5,16,12,0,1,5,2,0,3,5,2,0,2,3,2,20,12,26,25,6,26,0,0,0,2,26,14,0,3,11,125,36,0,0.15499737387796847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567426587653955,0.2214603097367207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23950117314101704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370636658335994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614059132553952,0.17036500630363358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271716629710278,0.0,0.0,0.13716779839909166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398911814263725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503023190327627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959250633698885,0.0,0.0,0.16193926619309734,0.0,0.14652261789338716,0.0,0.0,0.15768805179565204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992952866408144,0.0,0.0,0.1664091733970582,0.0,0.1323669104005224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132877190131306,0.0,0.0,0.1735068702344823,0.0,0.0,0.12378110299721565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737430537808168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297336797008604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514099122794874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742644008701271,0.12302970085043015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986102162557024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303170619329978,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wickedmessenger-WA,2019/10/27,"Hypervigalance Gang hell yeah we out here lookin fam real threat assessors only",4.469615384615384,5.399265,3.831346153846152,73.38240384615384,129.76923076923077,7.453846153846158,18.634615384615387,7.1686216300943375,2.3768615384615392,67,2,9,2,4,20,13,13,0.396,0.495,0.109,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5555760351434051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8314657354180831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,skullpocket,2019/10/27,"Just returned from mental hospital diagnosed with Major recursive depression and PTSD-not sure how I could be diagnosed with PTSD I barely had any conversation with the Psychiatrist and I never mentioned any past trauma when I did. I've been trying to figure out how I would qualify according to DSM. The only thing i can think of, is that I have chronic pain due to spinal stenosis and the thought of trying to cope another day at work brought on suicidal ideation. Is that really enough to diagnose someone with PTSD?",9.114893617021274,9.022182404255318,8.814340425531919,65.35300000000002,60.06382978723404,13.051914893617024,40.07659574468085,12.340626583579946,5.373253617021277,422,20,67,13,5,136,67,94,0.14800000000000002,0.828,0.024,-0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,0,10,6,1,2,2,18,13,6,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,5,0,7,1,15,5,2,10,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,6,47,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21726262694098755,0.16750538221795788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754248643756216,0.0,0.0,0.1030215846815588,0.0,0.1375871662472735,0.4864100144029174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505812604589484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098425475783906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320432500024694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214924159651612,0.16997874675013458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524936049535097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5601961274286734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233601738439707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535046767104095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747338727665757,0.0,0.15055671255513514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612673301237184,0.10235742550885688,0.0,0.126818793909356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169112117605141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629544420369214,0.0,0.0,0.11347746617157048,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,runforbfb,2019/05/15,"psychosomatic pain long after a trigger? I was diagnosed 3 years ago resulting from childhood sexual abuse & later as an adult, have been in therapy pretty consistently since then, but this is the first time I'm dealing with this type of physical pain. I'm sorry if this is long and rambling, but I'm hoping it might help to get it out and maybe other people who have experienced psychosomatic pain can offer advice. &#x200B; Trigger warning for everything below. If you have trouble reading about sexual assault or violence please be careful. And the point of this post I guess is the last part about what to do now, so I'm just going to spoiler the night. &#x200B; >!Last week, I went out to a not-so-great part of my city with a friend (let's call him Greg) to see a comedy show. I'm not really into the bar scene, so after the show Greg and I decided to take a walk around the downtown strip. As the neighborhood started to get sketchy, we turned to walk back and saw one man manhandling a woman with another man watching. When she saw us, the woman started yelling, ""Call the police!"" (I'm a small woman, and Greg's also on the small side.) I forgot my phone in my car (kicking myself for this), so I instead went up to them and started trying to talk him into letting her go. He was screaming about how she stole money from him and a bunch of other garbled hate, meanwhile she's still screaming and by now he's managed to pull her shirt almost all the way off. !< >!At this point the second man came up and started yelling at the aggressor, it seemed like that was her boyfriend or something although I'm not sure why he was just watching at first. Greg and I pulled the aggressor off the woman, and when he let go I put myself between them and walked her away from him, and he jumped on her boyfriend instead and started choking him.!< >!When she saw this, the woman ran away from me and stood in the middle of the road (with a fair amount of traffic). At this point I really couldn't tell you what was even being said, but she was screaming at the aggressor, also on the phone with who I thought would've been the police. My friend pulled the two men apart, the aggressor ran away, and I tried to get the woman out of the street. They didn't really even seem to notice me or my friend, I assume they'd been drinking or maybe more, but just kept shouting at each other, so my friend and I backed off about 1/2 a block.!< >!The aggressor then comes running out from a side street and and smashes the boyfriend's head against a building and knocks him unconscious. My friend, the woman, and I were all running towards them while this was going on, and as soon as he saw that the boyfriend was unconscious, aggressor ran away again. One of their other friends ran up with us, I guess, because he grabbed boyfriend's face and started trying to slap him awake. I told his friend to stop because his head was bleeding. I held his head still while the friend put his shirt on the wound, telling Greg to call the police. I ask the woman if she was okay, if she'd already called and she just said she was fine. Boyfriend wakes up, starts pushing us away, says, ""It's not like I haven't been here before!"" He insisted his friend and girlfriend help him up, so he staggered to his feet and they all walked away.!< >!Greg and I walked back toward to better part of the strip, I had boyfriend's blood all over my hands and where the fuck were the police?! We walked past TONS of officers, patrol cars, police dogs on our way out, there were other people around us on my sidewalk while all of this was going on...we just couldn't believe that this whole 20 minute fight went on and no one even showed up.!< I feel stupid, nothing even happened to me this time! It wasn't similar enough to my own trauma to trigger a flashback at the time, I mostly just felt compelled to help a woman in trouble and adrenaline. Despite trying to help, they barely even noticed me. It feels ridiculous to be so affected by this. I frequently feel pain during flashbacks and after, but I've never had a physical reaction stay this strong for so long. After the adrenaline wore off, I just felt sick and foggy. I drove myself home afterwards, but then felt like I was seriously hungover even though I only had two drinks at the show and basically didn't get out of bed the next day. I couldn't keep my eyes open even though I had weird & violent dreams, dreams that had nothing to do with that fight, just all different shit from my past cobbled together. I woke up the next day with severe neck and shoulder pain. It's been five days since then, and I'm still having trouble moving around and a lot of pain. I get knots in my back/shoulders pretty often, especially when I'm triggered, but I'm usually able to work them out. A few of the knots now are so large they're visible. I feel like I've tried everything. I've tried a heating pad, alternating ice, I've tried working them out with my fingers, working them out with a tennis ball, yoga, lots of different kinds of stretching, sleeping with a different pillow, sleeping on a different bed. I feel like I'm more functional mentally than physically at this point. I know that it's probably psychosomatic ""all in my head"" pain, but knowing that doesn't seem to be doing any good. Despite all the massaging etc. it's only gotten worse. I have Xanax that helps a little, but I try to take it very sparingly because I know my tendencies towards substance abuse. I saw my therapist today, met with a friend from support group, and otherwise I'm doing okay, but the pain still hasn't gotten any better. &#x200B; Can anyone here relate? What helped you to calm down enough to ease physical pain? It's all in my head, but feel like I'm thinking pretty straight and just hurting.",7.143377516313155,6.771170922528945,6.6366748901507995,80.2708329562209,64.17364203027604,9.572304862560763,33.19167043779105,8.888481712034551,2.599999033618966,4618,166,889,62,61,1432,423,1123,0.135,0.742,0.12300000000000001,-0.9606,5,0,3,0,6,0,183.0,7,3,11,8,59,57,9,0,68,2,60,37,19,8,11,157,148,86,0,8,31,0,12,6,11,1,14,9,4,14,44,71,3,5,19,12,1,33,14,28,0,9,59,31,112,29,144,76,27,175,0,1,9,1,110,77,2,21,67,583,156,6,0.03701696875363948,0.0877181098270758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036172553447759874,0.032813309324012184,0.0,0.03706714711671187,0.0,0.04084914550488046,0.059204913076846076,0.0,0.20053935089521094,0.13493900623442556,0.050345616236842194,0.0388155193071539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025883125239938187,0.0,0.0,0.09885885073157284,0.03460586886118172,0.0,0.20867196400885213,0.1138550562017208,0.0,0.06769560171940943,0.0,0.03149871398077113,0.04170544765662648,0.0,0.0654770014210718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119385537074276,0.042337550821167295,0.03774126669597805,0.0,0.0,0.03188684087484615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161864752603626,0.0381628693753588,0.0,0.037571444083873216,0.0,0.15469941474948454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252507374275803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07649684796397202,0.04128370515408893,0.1711455112250234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06653692929569427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123013498238194,0.07933478962182039,0.10662628511813503,0.0,0.0,0.06297322942343699,0.0,0.0,0.2859921823450067,0.034221591129251897,0.0966991917736701,0.0,0.105187981995365,0.031048077132365823,0.0,0.0408113387322671,0.08155672882418473,0.0,0.03273398321842673,0.0,0.0,0.03654659299750712,0.1899504466848904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488701632281104,0.0,0.03713103783904855,0.03676620234759954,0.0,0.0,0.039627430653929006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032902382655210664,0.0,0.03854747663229195,0.061030673848903164,0.06034754024644346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355707558088216,0.0,0.10850772680228166,0.0371007273977674,0.0,0.09827655747268936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294100619002957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437704106359783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03730439801970002,0.03926915410454585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03934317957610885,0.0,0.0,0.028549768326544288,0.0,0.07873593243570014,0.03473791757705711,0.0,0.0710375597445704,0.084288128545671,0.0,0.0,0.07525096810244185,0.056306145571278464,0.3544979817980142,0.0,0.0,0.12025730964876015,0.07067377046533947,0.05132581052547749,0.0,0.0,0.040633515704406035,0.13997200165549176,0.0,0.0354520236307222,0.11297869518881508,0.03991055315834769,0.0,0.0,0.07442455550556408,0.0,0.0,0.03702698607109636,0.0,0.07114205417171572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042322817052271,0.02943737930522848,0.0,0.0,0.029497731493549936,0.10109657427958804,0.0,0.041818638230362984,0.0379973864774763,0.0612416381516218,0.0,0.07408740393154366,0.0,0.0,0.028497471032018714,0.0,0.041437465895830534,0.18340560706383016,0.03945516342696613,0.11824719625369742,0.030947843388181774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042006417470704,0.034888054972474505,0.0,0.05566430736826923,0.029752837306320314,0.06470892455924737,0.0,0.042332129830602534,0.04297955380559287,0.0,0.02371897889764439,0.07273796771006967,0.02938733835485583,0.06475467648847319,0.0,0.03508775809790179,0.03537129997144833,0.0,0.20105673540860694,0.04026383231379646,0.07232039939275055,0.0,0.17810742252591846,0.0,0.040768961364179936,0.0305428759523357,0.0,0.058764693597138734,0.029692779505034732,0.0,0.0,0.10294530267529242,0.03340205667898564,0.041328123661273225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808463823678588,0.0,0.03772345360807295,0.0262957925338669,0.0,0.13493900623442556,0.023837714228350248 ptsd,DepressionCactus,2019/05/15,"Starting EMDR next week. How has it effected you? I'm honestly scared but I do want to get better. If anyone has been through the process, I would love some feedback on what to expect and whether or not it helped you.",1.6004651162790715,4.141477883720935,2.3081860465116293,93.83158139534883,84.11627906976744,5.300465116279073,24.879069767441862,6.742157984588678,0.912687441860466,171,7,35,2,5,53,37,43,0.039,0.6990000000000001,0.262,0.9032,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,2,1,4,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,2,0,12,10,6,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,3,4,8,1,4,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,3,3,25,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654546394178129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357626569679216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834736992784288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544661507800424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426418897238291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037537654396864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3800880513531407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687126890535439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239227939886851,0.0,0.3045260571802744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696869122478474,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,discardedyouth88,2019/05/15,"Childhood experiences can affect later life: The keys to helping people out of poverty, substance abuse & chronic health issues may involve addressing how those issues affect people when they are children The keys to helping people out of poverty, substance abuse and chronic health issues may involve addressing how those issues affect people when they are children, two Kingston-area researchers said. As part of the Community Foundation for Kingston and Area’s speaker series, Meredith MacKenzie, a physician with the Street Health Clinic, and Kris Millan, the director of family health with Kingston, Frontenac and Lennox and Addington Public Health, talked about more than 20 years of research that have showed the links between adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and social and health issues people experience later in life. &#x200B; [You can find the full article here.](https://www.thewhig.com/news/local-news/childhood-experiences-can-affect-later-life-researchers)",23.102297297297287,15.897635175675678,17.018378378378376,38.950270270270266,41.83783783783785,18.043243243243246,64.70270270270271,13.023866798666859,8.573224324324324,818,41,86,12,4,228,83,148,0.11699999999999999,0.8540000000000001,0.028999999999999998,-0.9337,1,0,0,0,2,0,41.0,0,1,2,1,5,1,0,0,8,0,7,12,0,5,0,20,8,12,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,12,2,2,2,3,11,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,3,0,17,5,3,13,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,2,7,53,6,3,0.0,0.22102628545847333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20212231159107935,0.11333679126712025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737164022222574,0.08792939566960144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524974724216289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5948684311962753,0.0,0.0,0.12503772694438278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867634093746412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19764423792377145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100546893259843,0.0,0.32331844789392794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872389386416425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507998258061792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496922955396852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111407708262606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333679126712025,0.06006469405347986 ptsd,bobyler,2019/05/15,"Ptsd from childhood experience I just recently started seeing a therapist and was diagnosed. I have ptsd from something that happened 13 years ago that no one knows about and until about 6 months ago was locked away in my subconscious. For the past 6 months my problem has been on my mind fairly regularly and it seems that ever since being diagnosed it's been on my mind more and I cant stop thinking about it. I wont get to see my therapist for another two weeks and she taught me a coping mechanism to calm myself down when it starts to act up but no matter how much I do it I just can't stop thinking about it and its tearing me apart inside. I feel like I need verbally talk about it but I'm scared to tell the two people in my support group.",4.741655629139076,5.486601609271524,5.459264900662255,82.8171092715232,69.33112582781457,8.953907284768214,28.345033112582783,9.120678840339163,2.156872317880795,597,20,121,11,10,194,94,151,0.068,0.838,0.094,0.4221,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,4,0,11,2,0,1,1,24,26,11,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,6,0,2,5,0,0,1,5,2,0,3,5,3,18,3,21,19,2,25,0,0,2,0,4,8,0,1,17,85,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23827139677671785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092799831014366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627132444330444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728222372326148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157066553180484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131467011435514,0.0,0.0,0.06795565588496102,0.0960139423382551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021739643380423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884768809058513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386161389885064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566006334744191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714072904493373,0.0,0.21455036761858387,0.0,0.09879797786064612,0.09965439773751414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107154814082356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829807745062394,0.09317463566265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860071410403595,0.3142080883382836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327017893836015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345558218963265,0.0,0.2141955758046452,0.12235087153751956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117539623322144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346612955667744,0.0,0.0,0.19025516114411184,0.0,0.0,0.22472545510467712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251323274800285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802400381267846,0.11746975660397893,0.0,0.0,0.3120928223659746,0.0,0.17223359510171438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625745914349272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780595119173814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654789142216822 ptsd,nexmextex,2019/05/15,"advice for going outside at night? i have to take my dog out before i go to bed but i’m afraid of the dark. when i go outside, i see stuff out of the corner of my eye and just feel generally anxious. some nights i just have to stand in the door way and let him go out with a retractable leash. sometimes i can’t do it at all. i’m moving to my university’s campus next month and bringing my dog with me. they have lights all around campus and those emergency buttons but i’m still worried. the last time i lived on campus i walked around at night all the time, alone. even off campus. i didn’t care about my safety so i wasn’t afraid. nothing ever happened. now i’m hypervigilant and don’t even sleep with the light off most of the time. does anyone else have this problem? how do you deal with it?",1.1857866761162301,3.3071665722891552,2.506187101346565,94.48647413182142,82.07228915662652,4.869737774627924,18.800850460666197,5.900188976854957,-0.34222069454287674,625,15,139,4,17,201,96,166,0.098,0.853,0.049,-0.7862,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,0,13,4,0,2,8,0,11,2,2,1,4,28,25,10,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,14,0,0,1,0,0,7,4,3,0,0,2,5,19,1,26,22,5,35,0,0,2,0,4,13,0,2,13,91,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396781573636214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258801132691518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664393975335278,0.0,0.10301559193508836,0.15095557474970672,0.0,0.26230740251880136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536579859824265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021134013086826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188933106802185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289282622723222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307415156345675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946183191055045,0.13326716539372824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449377358135066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33492098436365864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302822061238665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009248347493585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065348885215846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300938646721978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759629348755495,0.15658700002685655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668565158254716,0.414773769622427,0.0,0.14136577787405946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097358570246926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740183004877358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743501219793562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457117656727182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765682084193607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686560140926638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107727818808918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257725497488693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694259560380277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961935824164255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,whatdoyouhavedeleuze,2019/05/15,"Abuse PTSD Trigger warning: domestic abuse Hi, I ended an abusive three-year relationship two years ago. My partner was severely emotionally and psychologically abusive, gaslighting me about an affair for a year, and other mind games and insults that targeted my sense of self-worth and the way I navigate the world (honest communication, reciprocity, social norms, etc.) After that year I began experiencing the first symptoms—depression, anxiety and dissociation. He escalated to shouting, throwing things around, leaving then returning in the night rifling through things, growling and not responding, he once punched a dresser so hard he broke his hand then said he “couldn’t guarantee my face wouldn’t be next,” his mood would flip on a dime and he would fly into these wild rages... This all created an extremely stressful and unsafe living environment. My symptoms became more severe, including self-harm, and I was finally diagnosed with PTSD. We broke up, I went to therapy, went on medication, and have been healing for the last two years or so. After we broke up he moved away, but he still comes back to town to visit. My friends let me know whenever he’s in town so I can be careful to avoid him. The thing is—when we comes back it’s like all the progress I’ve made doesn’t matter. I get panic attacks, depressed and I’ve also dissociated. I’m writing here to reach other women who have been a similar situation. I’m looking for strategies for managing this when it happens (aside from overloading on anti-anxiety meds, which is my go-to). I would be so grateful to hear your stories—what works, what doesn’t—and maybe just know that I’m not alone. This is a very isolating disease. Thanks.",6.550113263785392,8.34121814098361,6.7623919523099865,71.27226154992552,65.95081967213115,9.873323397913564,35.17511177347243,10.125756701596842,3.899131147540983,1363,65,224,33,22,438,191,305,0.14,0.759,0.10099999999999999,-0.8489,0,2,0,0,2,0,49.0,3,1,0,3,13,16,3,3,15,0,19,6,2,2,2,39,37,21,0,5,5,0,2,1,2,4,4,3,1,2,17,19,0,1,2,1,1,7,5,10,0,3,9,7,23,5,28,19,4,42,0,4,1,0,30,13,0,1,22,137,40,2,0.0,0.4345668963103752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128069573500313,0.0,0.0,0.09496674311516418,0.0,0.07332720510294494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402904502716977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162659535171157,0.0,0.1043145171332142,0.08614899850316368,0.1410131798905708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348756581295377,0.0,0.0,0.1579715465762065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795083866648346,0.09306690418668752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031427703304818,0.08121316543098535,0.0,0.10226241566520504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044567372118199,0.0,0.07799438712009604,0.0,0.0,0.07084211874589337,0.0,0.04790603414465577,0.0,0.052111490950945916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108419982572841,0.0,0.08213930538632573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334516287049772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078462538136054,0.07474238591255973,0.0,0.09709010587609976,0.0,0.09376274748462192,0.0,0.0447967796645404,0.0,0.0809669810868313,0.0,0.076999389992585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867625431943183,0.0,0.0,0.09211837770864824,0.0,0.10185073306481818,0.09237148693370273,0.0,0.0,0.09258422829470636,0.0,0.0,0.09745560793019954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975170060496567,0.08604807522361646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765051340966548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758248696742063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21436943226243346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098444431545721,0.0,0.0,0.0872214522022654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19131249606409464,0.2071749591905344,0.0,0.0,0.1030672603005425,0.0,0.0934699075397226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322649389999708,0.0,0.10503451750229376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530458549448403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441899354486615,0.10485943159832252,0.0,0.18275112724661868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914232058802018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565668499449581,0.0,0.07278197899921071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17000146173359978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675391116076722,0.0,0.0,0.19540915159922032,0.0,0.0,0.29523782226296663 ptsd,viegietjeereana,2019/05/15,Moved house and can't let it go Since a fire that killed someone I have been constantly reminded of it becaus I could see the spot that traumatized me from my window. I have now moved to another house and it is lovely quiet and doesn't remind me of anything. My panic attacks have gotten a lot better since then. However I am so fucking stressed that I will find things there that trigger me. And it still leaves me with all the emotions and baggage which dissapoints me to still have them. I just want to know if any of you have similar stories? And how you dealt with preventing from triggers forming in your home?,4.6939682539682535,6.3208852689075625,4.8372549019607884,83.93209150326798,70.26050420168067,7.97796451914099,29.188608776844074,8.515128840125781,2.1518900093370674,493,19,93,8,9,154,80,119,0.159,0.778,0.063,-0.9048,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,1,1,7,7,3,2,4,0,13,2,0,3,1,20,20,10,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,10,8,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,2,3,17,2,11,15,3,9,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,2,5,73,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338557141249693,0.17483626838969055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720876339221044,0.0,0.0,0.1896852231923704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016401566716889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14746362792699744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801813868406966,0.0,0.13312439334558554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755452211729945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239284168380626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541438939422719,0.0,0.0,0.09475938789319292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16724887913631922,0.0,0.0,0.3847797901211251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446766122391609,0.0,0.09163323900262657,0.0,0.0,0.17654837417653094,0.0,0.17049791507962048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175220179173315,0.15048491870632694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544260041578057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562769030455346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286627082025956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758499609337407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127409148926598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663096991817078,0.0,0.19099446982899174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107713777944674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834466964048327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Just_For-Now,2019/05/15,"*nsfw?* Attempted suicide for the 20 something time last week. Therapist said there’s a high chance I will end up dead by my own hand. I (26f) don’t want to go into a lot of detail because I’m still processing everything. I had a psychotic break last week after a huge trigger. Last Wednesday I drove up to a cabin in the woods and swallowed a bunch of pills until the cops showed up, called by my parents after they tracked me down. They took me to the nearest hospital where I actually escaped then was brought back again by the police out looking for me. I’ve literally lost count of how many attempts I’ve made, but I know it’s in the 20 range. Most of them occurred in a 3 month period about 5 years ago, but my first attempt was at 13. My therapist (who I switched to about 6 months ago as my last therapist was useless) told me very bluntly that if I don’t get my shit together that I will die by my own hand before I die of old age. She said people like me often don’t make it. She also said my parents expect that I will die from suicide. It shook me to my core. It was my first attempt in over 4 years and it was different than the others. This attempt terrified me. I don’t remember much of it. It’s like a few days later I woke up from horrible nightmare thinking what the fuck have I done. I don’t want to die. I don’t want my ex to have this much control over me years after I broke up with him. Has anyone told you anything similar? How did you cope? Maybe if I just hide in bed the rest of my life I’ll live to be 80. She said I can do it, but I need to realize the harsh truth of the matter that I have already beat the odds too many times. I feel unfixable. Will I be broken forever? Will I live until I’m 80? I really hope so, but now I’m not so sure. Attempting suicide became a coping mechanism for me years ago but I thought after a year and a half of therapy I could go the rest of my life without an attempt. I don’t know what I’m looking for, any help I guess.",2.6366221198156663,3.6028259095238155,4.331490015360983,88.13910138248848,74.42857142857143,7.7050691244239635,26.40552995391705,8.155646560271837,1.4775046082949317,1542,54,345,24,31,521,210,420,0.183,0.7440000000000001,0.073,-0.9958,5,0,1,0,0,4,41.0,0,2,3,12,16,11,2,1,25,0,29,8,3,6,2,43,63,19,8,9,10,3,3,2,0,5,3,5,1,0,18,6,1,1,7,1,0,6,9,6,0,3,21,10,60,5,57,34,10,65,0,3,2,1,21,20,2,7,40,228,78,0,0.0,0.0,0.07806806097121831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274443220744552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828153825004598,0.06397564421218767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440246534659952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055937574278691664,0.0,0.06583284718422112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151474758408638,0.0,0.048767008291013145,0.0,0.06807375989758399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168852714733922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972634407983966,0.06387316397976968,0.0,0.0,0.051593118149239614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321077816053496,0.08358254580156803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186735710413089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708558927026334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189847420378284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04045019705009829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609522288317802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395833300585285,0.04179648456193954,0.0,0.0909312225868666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812856898537423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053622039689678935,0.08452396042821768,0.0,0.07945764492113427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793136635174426,0.2608413770577441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301215432468513,0.07816751868960302,0.0,0.14128220945210998,0.0,0.13435901646067958,0.0,0.08732900407090426,0.06801279166044748,0.0,0.07569754754121058,0.053400348360220784,0.16221405817157986,0.08037034207725062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770982097552486,0.0,0.11761780886581978,0.059318683233891174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394611362745115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776601575190888,0.0,0.0,0.05546164367842405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051249786655445856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062394188750288,0.0,0.30439172396812714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211843078363362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158759376355037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388777690456388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625197050749852,0.0,0.07539866798815255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914865046173305,0.27865707419547114,0.0,0.05126050782516987,0.0,0.06351073940411525,0.09329680998432804,0.0,0.0,0.15288607547544367,0.0888824894351989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600804100860286,0.1415574948952321,0.0,0.12834169318478025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711675116403166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25758556934714105 ptsd,A2lnbefz,2019/05/15,Coming back to the body and recovering from ptsd I have found the past few weeks my body has went from being numb and my feelings from being numb to now getting very emotional sometimes and my body is stiff and sore. I also get goosebumps a lot. Anybody have any information on this and what It means ?,5.3908620689655145,6.590488603448279,5.323620689655171,82.72094827586207,68.13793103448276,7.868965517241381,28.29310344827586,8.07648339933343,1.7457793103448274,241,8,46,3,4,75,42,58,0.121,0.847,0.031,-0.6605,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,6,8,4,0,0,12,13,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,5,0,6,9,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,33,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16089694225529025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368206671961847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470785658771016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6704525896050094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331315690927646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22631922679469066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173110562824016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206018158575844,0.0,0.0,0.2102339615598708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105025431424106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191622081431169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206503269020792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351881959472289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989886981459036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660083629220063,0.0,0.0,0.16138787074037678,0.0,0.0,0.1865113727808468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,violetwalker,2019/05/15,"PTSD from multiple events hi, i was wondering if other people in this community have had similar experiences. basically, i've had a few traumatic events occur throughout my life (child sexual abuse, constant bullying from schoolmates as a kid, and a bad medical experience). i've also never seen a therapist because my parents are against therapy and i'm sure if i tried to find one they'd punish me. i do experience a LOT of symptoms of PTSD (flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, panic attacks, hypervigilance, etc). because there are multiple events that could've led to this + the fact that i definitely have other undiagnosed mental illnesses i'm not really certain if i've developed PTSD from just one trauma or if it's possible it comes from a mix of things? the main reason i'm bringing this up is because i've previously only considered the sexual abuse and bullying as roots of my trauma, as they're pretty interconnected. recently i've had flashbacks to the medical experience though (due to a meeting with a doctor), and am wondering if that's possible. like, is it possible my ptsd is from the abuse and the flashbacks relating to the medical experience just stem from the traumatic experience? sorry if this is hard to understand, let me know if i need to elaborate on anything. i just haven't found many people like me and want to understand the roots of my trauma so i can start working through it myself by the time i start seeing a therapist (after i move out and my parents no longer control me).",7.473081841432228,8.32482918115942,8.570025575447572,62.53661125319695,63.34782608695652,12.72600170502984,38.699062233589096,12.214722805548654,5.481135379369139,1218,62,193,43,17,417,143,276,0.205,0.746,0.05,-0.9929,2,0,0,0,3,0,31.0,0,0,1,2,7,11,2,1,19,0,18,7,0,5,4,42,36,21,0,9,12,2,1,2,0,0,7,0,0,2,14,10,0,1,9,0,0,4,4,7,0,2,7,3,21,4,31,27,4,19,0,0,2,0,7,4,0,11,13,133,35,2,0.0,0.2879427364185846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478185144959824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666245849197487,0.0,0.0,0.09215798615906956,0.0,0.0,0.06763806984823473,0.14814467875954074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978098544186907,0.0,0.08754057630386243,0.09085705606991563,0.0646780797834466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291484301245049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034503103179534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.475446617552249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403959653933859,0.0,0.0,0.08882079338538687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256701346028029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04451972921027431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828358911338218,0.057218154530643314,0.079152568861024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06886987415720651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212912233172827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24482029294516125,0.08163673740360572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609839563639554,0.0,0.060066204455845776,0.062478154414314785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978586705517457,0.06161002809620759,0.0,0.09504511565001517,0.17989899241563687,0.0,0.0,0.11232111864351492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739721277423324,0.0,0.0824139829881063,0.0,0.0,0.3787747997939701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189562538714081,0.08328943701882548,0.07998535933925384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645526717431365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090681520184895,0.11467537477034152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634882570163412,0.0841980475227637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263939776996928,0.18811243360090785,0.0538179354711812,0.0,0.07958968224179727,0.06431108801164266,0.047236258106915084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054998930364426615,0.0,0.0,0.1686638051319426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04778045728082035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569885263834867,0.058974591359719275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sabba_fish,2019/05/15,"I need help Long story short I watched my mum die very suddenly at the beginning of this year and the moment I’m alone in the home or get into bed to sleep my head is like picking images in at me that I have to physically shake off for a second unless I want it to get me and I’m just not doing well anymore I don’t have resources or people or money any ideas are helpful How quickly after someone passes do you touch their things because her bed is still there so are her clothes I mean this whole damn house has her things all over it idk what to do please any advice is appreciated I honestly feel half in a dream for this whole year",2.066328320802004,3.943835827067673,3.371597744360905,90.63052944862156,77.94736842105263,5.937092731829575,21.60964912280702,6.816661863887847,0.3909152882205516,507,14,109,5,12,165,92,133,0.096,0.762,0.142,0.7496,0,1,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,1,0,7,5,1,1,5,0,12,2,2,2,1,17,21,8,1,2,6,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,9,3,0,0,3,1,1,2,2,2,1,2,0,3,16,3,17,21,3,20,0,0,1,0,8,9,1,3,10,77,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503552915842502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551593055177948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436176254891511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764047012788686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919084903942658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18589991429088346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056924987802202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18716725901853146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383041162623812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24012283082867925,0.0,0.17967354352646225,0.0,0.0,0.20668224721578388,0.0,0.20220645443265006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750975333662077,0.0,0.0,0.15851695647219913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511590550946414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281637757145293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418034598782755,0.0,0.0,0.1966216991885692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792509335822795,0.0,0.15176912848347993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304672047590705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380008293319369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779405778079766,0.10565054529808073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610518067734111,0.0,0.0,0.3999656814177032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306968420082601 ptsd,throwaway226486,2019/05/15,"scared of doing anything with my boyfriend for context, i was sexually assaulted by an ex i loved a lot when i was 14. due to that, some overly religious family members of mine don’t talk to to me anymore because i “lost my virginity” in wedlock. whatever, i’ve grown to accept that and i don’t cry anymore when asked about the situation. i have a boyfriend that i’ve been with for over a year, and i love him a lot. we’re long distance, because after i was sexually assaulted my mom decided that it would be better if we moved back to new york since i really wasn’t complying to cops in florida due to evasiveness. i didn’t want to go to court and they didn’t seem all too interested in helping me either. besides that, i love my boyfriend. hes sweet, and he genuinely cares about me. my ex would constantly undermine me and would make me feel like i had to feel dependent on me or he would abandon me. for years, i believed somewhat that he really didn’t do anything to me that it was my fault for inviting him to my house and not expecting he would do something. idk, i dont like thinking about it and it really doesn’t matter now. my boyfriend is the complete opposite, but after almost a year and a half of dating, and almost 3 years after the incident i still can’t bring myself to do anything sexual. even if i try, my brain will think about the incident and i’ll just feel like crying so i always stop. he doesn’t pressure me to do anything so this isn’t his fault, i just feel incompetent because i can’t do anything. i want to, i just can’t.",3.719540372670808,4.886275949206349,5.259875776397519,81.74534161490685,72.04761904761905,8.906832298136647,29.56866804692892,9.318704503766252,2.5473574879227043,1224,50,249,27,23,414,149,315,0.11,0.7879999999999999,0.102,-0.7414,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,1,2,16,19,2,2,11,0,35,5,1,2,1,51,53,18,0,10,9,3,4,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,12,13,0,2,9,0,0,4,14,8,0,1,11,5,47,11,38,35,6,29,0,2,0,4,20,6,0,11,22,176,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19660885732785066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168642958790001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947192044174718,0.0,0.0,0.4039332916568546,0.0,0.09177696238951794,0.0,0.0,0.07548771028404226,0.0,0.17953303579402935,0.0,0.0,0.11060549632128244,0.0,0.08682458343851727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959169655838563,0.0,0.0,0.10009223660830986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293079526377782,0.10608835599489344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567324180646089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505609393836692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484125242224849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254721407051476,0.0,0.1985535420868844,0.14026726762271874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055793041961427835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580218818911401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327655999812287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388469195286993,0.0,0.0,0.0868785576527814,0.0,0.0,0.10716562804207556,0.16692354643753635,0.26581043537578475,0.0,0.06553014007857359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497710149559355,0.0,0.10434061132014848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948145039480842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867324661669085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828664994108348,0.0,0.0,0.0893715122193681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120835722779088,0.11034871338090536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557710334028721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839976888584142,0.08207564647682883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789064144407776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580847733886624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665190418197199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580801442319998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34869056056130154,0.0,0.0,0.2528765292341999 ptsd,green_confusion,2019/05/15,"I can’t sleep with the lights off anymore I have had PTSD since I was a kid, but after going through years of therapy and psychiatric treatment it got a lot better in high school. I even managed to stop having flashbacks in college for a few years. Then a few years ago I got called into court against my abuser and carried a lot of trauma from that. I went to therapy for two more years before they told me there was nothing more they could really do. Life kinda moved on and I had bigger fish to fry, so I thought I would take a break from counselling anyways and just let life move forward. I have been doing somewhat okay until this past month. I don’t know what happened, I saw some blog posts about trauma, and it’s stuff I used to be able to tolerate, but I feel like life has really taken a turn. I’m afraid all the time again. I’m jumpy at the smallest sound, I’m terrified when anyone walks by or opens our bedroom door, or there’s a car going by outside. I go into flashbacks if I feel someone walk behind me, and I’m afraid of people approaching me from behind when no one is there. I can’t sleep without my lamp on, and I can tell this annoys my co-sleeping partner a lot. My partner is a good sport about it and respects that I need it on but it’s messing with their sleep schedule needed for university and they have an early morning class. I track my sleep with my Fitbit and it seems like I’m only sleeping 3-4 hours a day, naps included, and it’s very disruptive sleep. I don’t want this to keep getting worse. Sleeping meds don’t really work for me, neither does melatonin. I don’t know where to start with this.",4.0457346778418,4.942752617469882,4.6829387113672105,87.19815348349924,71.01807228915663,7.219696176008381,27.08538501833421,7.255503002510835,1.2685860136196965,1287,42,265,12,23,412,186,332,0.11699999999999999,0.82,0.063,-0.9652,0,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,1,0,4,2,13,12,1,2,15,1,25,10,7,1,1,47,55,22,0,6,8,0,2,2,2,1,3,1,2,3,15,18,0,2,6,3,0,11,9,6,0,2,12,5,37,6,41,39,11,46,0,0,1,0,11,14,0,10,23,176,52,5,0.08278038332651466,0.09808121789346563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337981513643421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209589650735535,0.057881968761680676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044000914753765,0.0,0.0,0.07321252197580545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845280267780783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609340018512523,0.0,0.0,0.05338649899535534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244167129619207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467566246677388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371249816420817,0.059138322388764764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043249333653780274,0.0,0.14113799855742198,0.06943225804559536,0.1324140693562922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320241958922269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746201994288658,0.0,0.0,0.08152200273821993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357900822946818,0.0,0.0,0.09098786756440314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464855049392442,0.175410698550888,0.08088462778932495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113076494904426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195034437418226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607451220029965,0.17596489373668572,0.0,0.12276121066036427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943001040107528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056094130115205636,0.06295821174675055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902324268077332,0.05738949477630245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928072461533738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676583823547112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909369981547394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377816736017589,0.0,0.07536015196669271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847678851657077,0.0,0.6627213306347807,0.0,0.07013955016005846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859238138680179,0.0,0.0,0.06920810712116313,0.0,0.0,0.09476373387566817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224054611572179,0.0,0.0723537037204641,0.0,0.1893331654316253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571837770270618,0.0482699072198992,0.0,0.0,0.0791002037438775,0.0,0.0,0.09004128607377866,0.0808644060498595,0.0,0.0,0.07149567264976213,0.0,0.0683024857074487,0.048826014851754716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673824468485074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979733550189234,0.0,0.06026510497130973,0.0,0.08436028273571816,0.05880480922992879,0.0,0.0,0.21323141120319133 ptsd,ccccaaaddd,2019/05/15,"How does therapy help your PTSD? Before my therapist pointed out, my PTSD symptoms were very minimal. Rare nightmares, jumpy toward certain things etc. Ever since we started to go deeper, these symptoms just get worse. The traumas we talked about, now constantly show up in my head, even during daytime. I’m getting really nervous of going to therapy now, because i don’t want to talk more, and don’t see how this can help me. Had openly discussed my feelings with my therapist. She apologized for getting deeper too fast, but also mentioned this was part of the process. I don’t blame my therapist or whatsoever. She is great. I do, however, see no point of taking about trauma to her. If the trauma has been in my head for so many years, how does talking it out loud to someone else gonna help me? Is it just for hearing from someone saying “it’s not your fault”? Any advice would be helpful to me. Thanks.",3.9914035087719313,6.223547555555558,4.589333333333332,82.46400000000001,73.44444444444444,7.133099415204679,29.52865497076024,8.021203637495839,2.2176297076023386,716,31,126,11,15,228,116,171,0.107,0.747,0.146,0.8215,1,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,2,2,0,0,14,8,0,1,3,0,14,4,2,3,2,21,29,9,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,7,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,5,0,0,4,6,20,3,22,22,3,18,0,0,2,0,19,9,0,2,7,87,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946367847812986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958156048796789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617676695801938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828574775346116,0.0,0.09531992549669542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210527525200062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19605717813994653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357750749223998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249308051724771,0.07398749852373544,0.10132760624127696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566401764048714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17557592531080046,0.0,0.1273259678228993,0.0,0.0,0.12350135214265864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299276400569356,0.0,0.12625356367838128,0.0,0.3003359200896699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356969236526905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130566984576538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117883412251323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618884523967391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176224514509315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908201153562298,0.0,0.0,0.178529292973876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926632812608126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982668448055454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928763065271613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328612819285525,0.08422435332451439,0.2701099070665287,0.0,0.10313205263934272,0.2562069971512334,0.3901881075968324,0.07442045162139417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242741344960063,0.0660717134238546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415693953710836,0.07957508953333434,0.0,0.0,0.07213656867531057 ptsd,usera2549,2019/05/15,"Small matter but I can't seem to stop thinking about it, and I'd really appreciate some advice So where I'm from insurance is extremely expensive for young people (18-24), after I passed my driving test I didn't drive for a while. However, I managed to insure my car as a great cost (around £1800). Since then I've driven maybe once or twice. Then I went on holiday, whilst I was there my cousin crashed into the back of a car whilst I was in the passenger seat. Now every time I'm sitting in the passenger seat and someone comes to a stop behind a car I freak out and reach for the handbrake. The mere thought of driving scares me. I cant stop and it's killing me people I wanted to make some money with Uber but I'm so scared of driving. Can anyone help me out.",2.5329990262901667,4.093347645569622,3.9373417721519,88.48112463485882,75.70886075949366,7.140019474196688,24.17916260954236,7.882392219407189,1.1699078870496589,600,19,128,9,13,198,100,158,0.111,0.73,0.159,0.5822,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,8,5,1,2,10,0,7,0,0,1,0,24,18,13,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,3,3,1,3,11,3,4,0,1,6,0,16,1,23,12,2,34,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,4,13,77,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873350622993188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404685091771346,0.0,0.0,0.17066096801252273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741179439713215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513966398431573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615224509545206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21135899888763116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849798463506462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21209675107565054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796673126963315,0.0,0.1925966830266854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041630068436256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658126948720788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281320024962393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838667613199741,0.0,0.0,0.17452397131493444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585830278060851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243376002727114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4808299898590903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228388920866081,0.0,0.1521949195394447,0.11178660980863657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307448025285842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771544861077948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,theworldwillwatch,2019/05/15,"Anger Does anyone else just become so angry that they are sad as well? Idk It’s just tough seeing them continue on, no consequences for what they did I’m angry, livid, but sad It’s like a blue flame - the hottest part of the flame but it’s small and sad Feeling are confusing People say that medication makes them feel like a zombie sometimes. I think I feel that. Like I’m just on autopilot.",0.8950699300699299,3.4706521666666674,2.001095571095572,93.3454195804196,91.43589743589745,5.4004662004662025,17.34731934731935,6.980632752743323,0.1981641025641028,311,8,64,5,11,98,52,78,0.287,0.5720000000000001,0.141,-0.8895,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,4,0,5,10,1,1,4,0,3,1,0,1,0,12,11,5,0,0,5,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,6,6,4,5,10,1,4,0,3,2,0,5,3,0,1,4,35,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815345761867215,0.246406406682318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655979795952468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104509878419055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008952600293769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36479096115837495,0.3436066049647541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524680515008299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052632475758366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242264423600434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26042298774332784,0.0,0.16672276676277614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124418197260687,0.0,0.0,0.19163626867183775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378468807811961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409376865622856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162258657262809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wizecrackz,2019/05/15,"Ptsd from finding child porn I turned this person in to the police directly after the incident. I found child pornography on a guy's computer that was in my life and it changed me forever. I can't get the images out of my head even though I saw them for only seconds and then shut the computer. It was a baby and it was just something I never thought was possible or ever imagined. Now seeing children grosses me out and I'm afraid of babies because I don't want to remember what I saw. The man is in prison now. I am fucked up from it. I have nightmares and I think about it often and it hurts my heart to think anyone could do this to anyone. I at one level wish I never had found it but because I found it and turned it in good came from it because the pedos were exposed and that means children were probably saved because I witnessed it. I just wish I could erase it. Disgusting.",2.227387446598751,4.350213256983241,3.6125599737101552,87.91636214262243,78.44134078212291,6.446401577390734,25.05455142951035,7.510576382923642,1.3111601051593818,699,26,139,10,17,229,101,179,0.08900000000000001,0.8370000000000001,0.07400000000000001,0.1253,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,9,7,2,1,8,0,15,5,2,0,3,35,34,12,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,17,11,0,0,10,0,0,1,4,5,0,2,14,3,22,2,21,18,0,19,0,1,3,2,8,11,1,2,7,106,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364655395571094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202102749309144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150197189078909,0.0,0.0,0.13892108357331395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969959113155714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673683024337647,0.11878811362568023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200257735992529,0.0,0.0,0.4319628254098951,0.0,0.12140491581887985,0.06861023610910504,0.0,0.0,0.11014652055061712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002925816973246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477408401286026,0.0,0.0,0.15561700093693606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058273516529854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275649223470783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430479712728039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20256698218627814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898707069912794,0.09987616936553717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466515670834355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804563194972328,0.0,0.0,0.14158714386405136,0.0,0.1535081918666933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876203382189082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046464962805672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010979606011332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16829145234669596,0.1290230312980549,0.10425486429421332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28568088223248034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745701781356236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020272473283489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,vexxins,2019/05/15,"//rant. i'm eighteen. i've been diagnosed with severe depression, ptsd, and acute anxiety since i was sixteen. alot of things have happened to me; from being neglected throughout my childhood, being physically and mentally abused by my mother. when i was thirteen i lived in a home during the big freeze in 2013. i live near buffalo new york, so believe me when i say it was cold, and there was too much snow to go to school. my house was falling apart. it was in the negative 30's and we had no insulation. all we had was a woodstove, and my father who was the only one who knew how to work the woodstove well enough to refused to get up to start it. we froze for hours before our aunt came and picked us up and took her to her house. flash forwards to the next year. summer. starting highschool. we moved in with my aunt. my cousin, who's about a year younger or two younger than me tended to get his siblings to help him pin me down and he'd waterboard me everyday for weeks. i tried telling my parents about it, and all they told me was that i was a highschooler and i needed to get over it. i was a straight A student but i only got to the end of freshman year before breaking down. at the end of my sophmore year i dropped out. planned to kill myself, but it didn't work. tried to go back to school, but that didn't work either as i was unmedicated. and now, i've been having nightmares. i don't know if they're repressed memories or not, but it's only of someone kissing my neck and me feeling disgusted and i've been falling apart. i feel so disgusting aand i don't know what to do anymore but just curl up and mourn over everything that i've gone through because they. ruined everything. i isolated myself for years from my family, i lost my best friend, my future. i was gonna get a scholorship but fuck that i'm just an asshole who sits around all day moping about shit thats happened in the past and i hate it i hate myself",2.3798205128205154,4.4296344435897455,3.3698717948717962,90.19762820512821,77.64102564102564,6.384615384615388,25.448717948717945,7.3871296695380915,1.1663333333333332,1523,57,317,20,36,487,202,390,0.18,0.765,0.055,-0.9944,1,0,0,0,1,1,42.0,6,0,2,6,16,17,7,1,17,0,28,5,2,2,3,52,57,30,2,2,13,6,4,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,19,24,0,3,5,0,0,9,7,13,1,2,27,6,55,4,51,26,8,55,0,5,0,2,29,21,2,4,24,217,74,8,0.0,0.11775741701414247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603083067766432,0.0,0.09856525976937923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884755567889461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076422516164252,0.0,0.06058543074256713,0.0,0.16914213974537562,0.11197518508195094,0.10430059026142434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136723223342134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409643314125267,0.0,0.08560193118482855,0.1008757762229516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760548752312638,0.10269340326323816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786453662843314,0.0,0.09369327717912697,0.0,0.10050616996136463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678619784575062,0.0918817376580294,0.20770255215157926,0.0,0.11296791583970894,0.0,0.07948891295714272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577530204356515,0.0,0.0,0.19624829584393025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666170529163444,0.0,0.09969332708149864,0.0,0.09787623643397056,0.2293586520219949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995705909254966,0.0,0.10924106056316422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552119385381812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849271901984073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10015878278105413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563271856038324,0.07306092646291977,0.07369424741745889,0.0,0.09598864415562704,0.10569926835069804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734724561838774,0.2267650184517349,0.0,0.0,0.11035757109453292,0.0,0.09487619691139214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617815735316815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903658110013875,0.0,0.20117002627819344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227909107399373,0.1020193912909552,0.08221400502891064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421033542174874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069334857386528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686867317229788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602834802098231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496859723223293,0.1104226832158484,0.13495458282039627,0.0,0.09708671842918304,0.0,0.11955039882325877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972230649694381,0.0,0.08936090497576958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170648952957297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200100481628646 ptsd,assleeping,2019/05/15,"Is there a chance i have ptsd? This is a long post so bear with me. I think it started when i moved (migrated) to Canada. At the time my mom was diagnosed with cancer and couldn't stay with us in Canada because she didn't have insurance. So, she moved back to my home country. This went on for 6 month and I lived with my dad alone in a new country (my siblings didn't come with us).these 6 months were the hardest time of my life. I was not adapting to the new environment at all. I was having such a hard time communicating with people my age in school. It got really bad to the point that I would just stop trying to talk to new people or make friends. I felt really distant from my mom and my siblings in my home country and I wouldn't talk to them for days. I was constantly fighting with my father for no reason. I hated my life so much and I didn't felt no support. I felt so isolated from the world around me and i kept digging in my loneliness. At a point I did not care about my mom's illness or the main reason I moved here. For the longest time i was in an unlimited darkness. This continued up until my mom was done with her cancer treatments and came back. My ""sad feelings"" started to fade away as summer came but I was still a very closed person. A month ago my mom had to leave me and my dad for my sister to go to my home country again (she was in labor and her husband was diagnosed with last stage cancer so she needed support). She's missing my high school graduation, and even though she asked me if its ok if she leaves, I couldn't say no. I mean my sisters situation is much more important than my graduation. She left and I was alone again. In three days I got fired from my job and failed my driving test. I know these two incidents aren't that significant but they made me feel much more hopeless that I already was. I have been having a lot of mood swings, mental breakdowns and lack of feeling for certain situations. I keep thinking to myself that I'm going to go to through the same phase again. I rarely cry but for a week i cried EVERYDAY. I'm failing a class and I'm not doing as good in school. I associate the absence of my mom in my life with loneliness and sadness. I get flashbacks of nights i would cry so hard next day I couldn't even open my eyes or days I would just go to my schools bathroom stalls during lunch and cry because I had no friends to sit with. I keep revising my past and I know I shouldn't feel like this. I mean right now I have GREAT friends. I was doing really good in school. But at the same time, i feel like the same things that kept happening to me last time she left is gonna happen again. I feel useless, as if I don't really matter. I have sacrificed so much and felt hopeless for the longest time. Yet, it keeps going on. I don't want to self diagnose so please tell me I need help because I think I do. Maybe therapy?",1.9192733404875035,3.8738042816188885,3.1808450099647385,91.46110041392001,78.69645868465429,6.336336041698606,23.09210485972712,7.348242739294969,0.7847183136593587,2261,73,493,30,55,732,247,593,0.175,0.7509999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9938,1,2,0,0,3,2,54.0,1,0,2,2,28,25,2,0,23,1,46,12,1,4,2,96,99,42,0,15,15,12,13,2,3,6,10,1,3,2,15,35,1,6,19,0,0,13,18,11,0,2,33,15,99,13,72,57,13,91,0,8,1,0,38,29,0,7,47,331,114,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04710549806385896,0.0,0.0,0.11007424809765463,0.05864142886320613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04730596108374096,0.04967882612942229,0.0,0.04992687926078575,0.0817229234106238,0.0443697692092904,0.09718114696196996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155625015094774,0.05417988011267127,0.0,0.0,0.0457754963469495,0.0,0.057425576687298426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23348764660565266,0.13708388991638565,0.0,0.0,0.16180826832246556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438077873363385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019707824774922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121540696974251,0.07592660530976622,0.20409134263550285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316774323527085,0.0,0.02776351233514889,0.0,0.1510037355055184,0.08914280012439617,0.08500199511396052,0.058587154945371325,0.0,0.0,0.09398324124471163,0.0,0.09520619516980904,0.05246485347410286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035618693197846316,0.05614544004261497,0.15991157860049485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273335598355584,0.14170010471883696,0.0,0.0,0.058408825525393934,0.08663255851969967,0.0,0.1125353997775128,0.11547376225442495,0.0,0.11260328614355407,0.05192314358712823,0.0,0.04692368755376882,0.04702732197312799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045177818182638114,0.0,0.05028245358258414,0.0354714336848869,0.0,0.053386379429474634,0.11577030892693485,0.0,0.0,0.05355272859980889,0.0,0.0,0.3734223024175991,0.12724777791009656,0.16943856997613954,0.15625637043422388,0.07880543117105179,0.0,0.15396913779494198,0.05651510605472365,0.04986839007948237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05072824452034876,0.07368131767692879,0.04639989122937014,0.0,0.058331879190892985,0.10046915396235667,0.0,0.05089353268232539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06211794070581484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13617165164918285,0.10927375977431038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045381360542670716,0.0,0.042259145524611484,0.0,0.2689031236342651,0.0,0.0,0.05543672043802595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194634122316858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522568169029041,0.05664028294330356,0.042437757642667884,0.0444275084359079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206055260868124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542400928159803,0.0464467952689771,0.0,0.06077034291433828,0.0,0.03530392545994737,0.10215010349980913,0.05220988476508792,0.0,0.21690496382464355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0360786440609989,0.0,0.05191016242728929,0.0,0.1278420101445548,0.0,0.0,0.043846153090831085,0.03134341158790012,0.0,0.04262578802015151,0.0,0.0,0.04926141105296095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324762084133308,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,manicpixi4200,2019/05/15,A guy did really messed up things to me the other night and idk what to do I’m 19f and he’s 25 and has a girlfriend. I was at a frat party and really drunk and he gave me Xanax and a lot of molly and cocaine and then he fucked me in an open space and then he fucked me in someone else’s room (which I don’t remember I only know because the guy who’s room it was was mad at me the next day for it) and then I remember later that night I didn’t want to have sex anymore when we went back to his room so I said no and then he said “well I’ll force you” so I think I gave him a blow job I don’t remember if he had sex with me. But he took pictures of me giving him a blow job and sent them to me the next day. I feel really used and like he manipulated me and took advantage and idk what to do. He also hit me with the frat paddle really hard and bit me and did some other things idk if this is sexual assault or not because I took the drugs on my own free will but he kept giving me more and more till I didn’t know what I was doing idk I’m confused and scared and traumatized.,1.806798457087752,2.1871151475409825,3.9355159112825473,92.41102700096434,75.80327868852459,7.544455159112826,20.500482160077148,7.724431198458867,0.3399347155255543,832,15,213,11,17,288,117,244,0.136,0.802,0.062,-0.9253,2,0,2,0,1,0,7.0,1,1,1,1,6,11,4,2,13,0,18,7,0,2,0,44,41,34,0,3,6,0,2,1,1,1,2,2,3,2,13,24,1,1,7,1,1,5,6,7,1,0,19,4,32,5,18,20,6,30,0,0,0,4,27,11,2,6,15,136,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239385735944584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145803687973468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883982152544923,0.0,0.14085898042519152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613506065849914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902193663574753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398473156931068,0.0,0.09651525193571256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841832126008158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21362178542888,0.0,0.22166474188150176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22879701452658455,0.0,0.0,0.10349729346446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293027091298628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699079814152947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05644490697112148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822432034370926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457470548460968,0.2168448552513121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787010590861644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960605109181986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926382764822336,0.0,0.2198018157693612,0.0,0.115671390829641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789302348259836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15351357029901666,0.07403061128174213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3850932406428392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978574920477497,0.0,0.0,0.06814594914762334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038804693676589,0.10710275118395783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,glitterlightsaber,2019/05/15,"My Ex posted explicit nude photos of me online- 11 months ago- still can’t get over it. He hacked into my facebook and posted nude photos among other embarrassing ones to my personal facebook. They were up for about 2 hours- and the also cached in my facebook story before I could delete them. They were deleted and then he did it again- i was mortified. I mean 2 hours is a long enough time for co workers, friends, aunts, uncles everyone saw. I can not seem to shake the shame and it is affecting me everywhere. It took me a week or two to look anyone in the eyes at work. I lost 15 pounds. I scream cried - idk what to say to therapist or how to ask for help. My new bf is starting to resent my anxiety and tells me to get over it- but also has been sweet and understanding and given me books dealing w shame issues. I wouldn’t let him see me naked for months so I am sure that would be frustrating and This isn’t about him but he is a def factor in why i need some recovery tactics because I currently have none. Yes the cops became involved and have evidence of his IP sending out the pics while i was towns away. Sorry if this is wrong subreddit but I googled symptoms and PTSD came up. I always struggled with anxiety - mild tourettes and adhd. I am only medicated for adhd currently.",3.748058823529412,5.351912541176475,4.6530882352941205,84.41139705882355,72.6078431372549,7.923529411764706,26.47549019607843,8.548686976883017,1.8253490196078423,1018,35,201,18,20,330,163,255,0.14,0.8109999999999999,0.048,-0.9584,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,3,3,8,13,2,5,8,1,24,5,3,2,2,34,39,23,0,5,7,2,0,0,2,2,2,2,0,1,10,15,0,0,3,1,0,4,5,10,0,2,11,7,32,3,30,23,3,35,0,1,4,2,21,13,0,5,16,135,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30390580933717337,0.0,0.11207892005833127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222351407099484,0.1052058518911307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934481738715927,0.0,0.0,0.08840780720961734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182016836931227,0.0,0.11879188076613985,0.0,0.0,0.07707492365867641,0.0,0.10758871686275327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446104361829404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094978982924588,0.0,0.13888529128301846,0.0,0.13035116768266228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064339263998398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081613173219788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768504184031628,0.0,0.1321164028594386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474816808202976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490302819897785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196755328801882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929056997789534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189291434384692,0.10617537654519286,0.0,0.13802110397642667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377271415510778,0.0,0.12737214422308688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20184188136809966,0.0,0.0,0.0937515574976926,0.0,0.12211380408981358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567709680427077,0.09616116323351152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040005760605293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218371168714184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779828250869867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054791027929337,0.0,0.0,0.10075405248895083,0.1151036484918172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153605726564214,0.08949287780663832,0.0,0.10097288515746904,0.0,0.0,0.13217957974839095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11916553388868985,0.1314166287854335,0.0,0.0,0.11051165719254692,0.0,0.0,0.14680329641712556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372652905248303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404763451333862,0.0,0.0,0.12351074044511495,0.13162555023957428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142026906195416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408987747445315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204776367762582,0.0,0.0,0.08981733601362245,0.13823919403929474,0.0,0.0 ptsd,emacked,2019/05/15,"PTSD + Increased Pain Tolerance? Long-time lurker, first-time poster here. Up until recently, I had a low tolerance to pain: felt sympathetic pain watching surgeries on tv, shuddered when people described anything painful, sobbed in slipped on ice and fell down, etc. About a year ago, a surgery went wildly wrong and resulted in multiple trips to the Emergency Department. Long story short: An undisclosed suture over an artery ruptured and I experienced hypovolemic shock and was pretty hypoxic before an emergency surgery took place to repair the suture. It was super traumatic and complicated, as well as a lengthy ordeal, so I won't bore you with all the details. I was diagnosed with PTSD. I am in counseling. I'm doing better. I still have issues. My body is a site of trauma at this point. This year, I accidentally drove a thick T-bar straight pin through my nail and finger. I whispered two words (""vaginal packing"") to myself and pain disappeared. I accidentally spilled recently boiled water on myself, same thing. This all leads to my piece de resistance. Yesterday, I sliced my dominant hand index finger with a pocket knife on the knuckle (don't worry - it was the back of my hand!). There was a lot of blood, but relatively no pain. Ultimately, I was referred to the ER for stitches. On the third and final stitch, I winced out in pain. The PA told me I should not feel it. I proceeded to tell her I felt the other two stitches. She seemed horrified and asked why I did not say anything. On a scale of 1 to vaginal packing, it didn't seem to terrible -- just sharp, shooting pain. She did the last stitch which hurt, but the pain went away quickly. I have not taken any painkillers since, although I probably should for inflammation. I started down a deep Internet rabbit hole about pain and PTSD. \[I ran across an interesting article on paradoxical pain perception.\]([https://www.jpain.org/article/S1526-5900(15)00757-9/fulltext](https://www.jpain.org/article/S1526-5900(15)00757-9/fulltext)) If I understand it correctly, it talks about the role of anxiety and disassociation and its respective impact on pain. It seems pretty spot on to me.... My pain tolerance is through the rough now. Fascinatingly enough, I also have chronic(ish) pain. Hmm, consistent, low-grade sensations might be a better descriptor. I digress though. Has anyone else experience a change in the experience of pain? Should I celebrate nothing hurting? Or does that point to deeper scarring and issues to work through?",5.96151162790698,8.931775790697678,5.616453488372091,73.9423546511628,70.16279069767441,9.044186046511628,32.377906976744185,9.57969875127883,3.6270744186046513,2010,93,315,51,40,620,251,430,0.192,0.698,0.11,-0.991,0,0,0,1,0,0,114.0,0,1,0,5,15,30,0,0,30,0,25,24,6,2,3,45,42,25,0,4,8,1,10,0,0,5,16,2,0,0,15,17,2,0,8,1,0,11,7,24,2,3,19,14,38,6,54,17,8,59,0,4,1,0,11,31,1,7,17,206,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469852833374645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04238767245963102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03604487161488847,0.0,0.040548290685444736,0.0,0.0,0.037061972660210635,0.054309365011515176,0.08723635995831372,0.0,0.049552044188115776,0.0,0.049799464280013694,0.04075718195791761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04510291804274877,0.0,0.0,0.09375633019755583,0.0,0.05887604071181812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056071723540891266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053798442828400406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046384587436785016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04427845100669461,0.0,0.0,0.05476780839931893,0.05911401878827732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369712630871493,0.0,0.0,0.026800663355578392,0.0,0.10178524752517053,0.058063829266410086,0.0,0.04508559313415754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348480818105545,0.0,0.0,0.1106458356194448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04320573474012967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381461350919744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045062522956493566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622938892891408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05085923884181685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.846007735909279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03674664030762425,0.0,0.05537841186918504,0.0,0.10021275349211237,0.0,0.0,0.1078492460102456,0.05714780639109941,0.0,0.18587824124771166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467108109362956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042151298843741705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475989422674498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384586285082127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03751685168131156,0.0,0.042329455138002896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04260300224908898,0.046328261573025296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03521382872147187,0.0,0.05207664348179627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0506480627955675,0.05888994000717064,0.0,0.0,0.1035553720898364,0.055179544639057665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047657403168901186,0.09827138873636032,0.04782830898338335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038587900871299805,0.05382863370900322,0.0,0.0,0.05795209033865225,0.0,0.06826630901973266 ptsd,Charlie_29,2019/05/15,"not coping with nearly dying Hey So I have had anxiety and health anxiety for years I have been able to in last few months been able to tell myself I'm just anxious and not dying from a medical condition however a few weeks ago I had a near-death experience and Im lucky to be alive... I was 100% ok walking around my kitchen when I felt my heart go funny and I felt like impending doom I assumed I was anxious so I sat on a high stool and woke up on the floor unconscious unable to move and I was home alone and I knew something was wrong I felt like Id been hit by a truck and my head hurt so I crawled down the hall to my phone and called an ambulance and waited alone for 2 hours for the ambulance and essentially I ended up having a very severe case of saddle pulmonary embolism; I had dozens of large blood clots in each lung that essentially caused my heart to be damaged and give out. I was rushed to ICU and given very aggressive meds directly into my lungs to save me. I was in ICU for 9 days and I according to my docs am lucky to he alive and they were very worried and its a miracle I even woke up when I collapsed. I had no symptoms of clots or embolism and I have no risk factors and they have no clue why it happened to an otherwise healthy 19-year-old. I am now on heavy blood thinning meds for the rest of my life and need to be monitored often.  Im now terrified to be alone, I cant sit on any stool at the breakfast bar. I also have been very highly health anxious and can't rationalise my anxiety anymore.  How do I cope with this (I already have a therapist) ",2.529317023445465,4.1068358562691145,3.928440366972477,88.46882772680937,75.75840978593273,7.5355759429153935,25.87257900101937,8.285830014693849,1.5466750254841997,1243,45,269,22,27,410,173,327,0.157,0.758,0.085,-0.9522,1,3,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,0,13,12,1,1,15,1,31,15,7,2,0,43,46,28,2,1,4,0,4,2,0,0,5,0,2,0,4,26,3,1,5,1,0,4,7,6,0,1,23,4,40,6,42,18,4,38,1,3,0,0,8,21,0,5,14,175,44,0,0.18997011950183165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419852439862845,0.0,0.0,0.2951276277202301,0.10481837538827217,0.0759595179656505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459309780710992,0.0,0.21798993217172768,0.32191824328855306,0.09419965602597637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455684118041211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699036597202024,0.0,0.0,0.09757582120308604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125750562140503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971589916290211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841285698799193,0.0,0.0,0.06273673614004611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929136146403747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736016590220796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111832444550404,0.053982198388006414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399497464475776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974820744948412,0.20192935362717027,0.0,0.225115506280134,0.0,0.2007138613369997,0.09527775953855708,0.0,0.09354115057140514,0.0,0.10168347099108824,0.0,0.2052003280981544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774255011840435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709075674401277,0.09280980462721287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110139770686833,0.0956874547639434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581616848285165,0.10095408642719536,0.0,0.07043021825398214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967084200171536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730608109618434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312413954641157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872584621101824,0.0,0.0,0.08302112885827947,0.0,0.0,0.110284975343654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31349048773878124,0.0,0.0,0.07619128552170269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570924244425039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646193886157632,0.0,0.0,0.10385125183314148,0.0,0.12233452854415515 ptsd,sadgalrocky,2019/09/18,"Advice? Is it possible to develop PTSD over a symptom? For example, I have been having anxiety my whole life, and one of the side effects of my panic attacks are feeling of derealization, a type of disassociation. On the specific day of trauma, I had been having a panic attack and once I had started to have the derealization symptom, I started panicking even further, thinking I was dying. I know being in a threatening situation is enough to give you PTSD, but is it possible that my mind falsely attaching the symptom of derealization into thinking it was a threat to my life, has in result, given me PTSD? Ever since that day, I have been numb and empty, but still overly anxious, and recently, I just had my first flashback where I felt like I was back in the state of derealization. Please let me know what you think, Thanks.",8.419362745098036,7.977781418300655,9.298815359477127,62.45841911764707,61.61437908496732,11.833006535947714,38.732843137254896,11.20814326018867,4.581131372549018,659,30,108,16,8,226,87,153,0.177,0.753,0.07,-0.9237,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,2,6,9,3,2,10,0,21,6,0,2,1,19,33,6,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,7,0,2,11,2,19,2,19,20,2,20,0,0,0,0,3,10,0,0,10,91,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786266116973165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226942394262863,0.1362595536818564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744318059025263,0.0,0.09274476524683394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557217802325024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517834930368432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462656368938847,0.0,0.07966444751846452,0.10910232040065868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098609157863227,0.0,0.11580841012339635,0.0,0.0,0.10259425579420874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570399453926618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13257266347355678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333604576689515,0.17038655175419035,0.058925936100810615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217858149914112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845003494624158,0.08173120695834879,0.0,0.0,0.28302921772863826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13239801554291342,0.0,0.2719484547384016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42297413660279903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909183090951098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977319485294617,0.13557525429362113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074250155843226,0.0,0.0963225422173189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37609256448902095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104521924501518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318538538184013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466128795425342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HopefulLesbian,2019/09/18,"I had my first flashback I had my first flashback a could of nights ago. It was different than I had expected it to be, but just as scary. I find my case odd, because instead of physically being there, I was there emotionally. I didn't know where I was in reality, only that I was somewhere with my girlfriend. I could hear her but I couldn't respond or react or anything. I didn't know what was going on, except for the memory. I was seeing it through third person. I thought it would be weird because as far as I know, flashbacks are when people are there physically too, reacting to things in ""real time."" Physically. Is this a different type of flashback?",3.035446194225724,5.3396338503937,4.5186023622047236,81.51653871391078,76.63779527559055,7.382939632545932,27.906167979002625,8.344100000000001,2.1673679790026252,517,22,97,10,12,172,74,127,0.081,0.919,0.0,-0.8519,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,0,3,0,21,0,0,2,0,20,28,8,0,5,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,8,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,12,2,19,0,16,9,0,12,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,2,6,82,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478596738110716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226029176631934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403951623640817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148603977097761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41201706589973397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22179816163676105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021667379969053,0.3354381819645734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206052402932896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223338645339816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32509081187965505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503773784462307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14996238303790194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366980598593595,0.17216779799056905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22443117631139872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712494840852162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099597748657987,0.0,0.0,0.1565369195892289,0.11497579290898645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400692472283328,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ShortAussie,2019/09/18,"I was diagnosed today. I have always had a hunch that I had PTSD, but since I was never diagnosed I just thought my brain was making things out of nothing. Plus, it's easier to believe something than actually be told this is reality. I was diagnosed because of childhood trauma. I don't know why I feel so shook by this, but for some reason it is making me feel lost. I had been diagnosed bipolar a little over 2 years ago. I definitely don't have a handle on those episodes and now I feel like I am hopeless. If I can't get a hold of one mental illness what the heck am I supposed to do with this one? These two tie into each other and beat me up mentally. I am going back Friday for more discussion and a re-eval for my meds. Can anyone give me insight on what I should be expecting from therapy? I am a little-naw, I am extremely uneasy. I am in new territory and I literally feel so freaked. Does anyone else here have bipolar and ptsd? I think I may just need a little comfort, just feeling a little lost.",3.126981707317075,4.548882878048783,5.121021341463415,81.16787347560978,73.87804878048779,8.051829268292684,27.44664634146341,8.660442795831766,2.0768109756097566,790,30,157,15,16,273,123,205,0.156,0.7879999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9668,0,0,1,0,0,1,22.0,0,0,0,3,8,8,0,1,9,0,28,8,1,3,1,35,45,11,0,4,6,0,5,1,0,2,7,0,0,0,12,10,0,1,10,0,0,2,4,6,0,3,12,5,27,2,20,29,3,20,0,3,0,0,3,10,1,3,9,119,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.11184652504070977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015982087430699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536785415013514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028125265170434,0.1174353714867106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813092922306623,0.0,0.06986750210168803,0.0,0.0,0.1291304919872988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794689382524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4653223338273386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002992993149836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957451139729727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897608779429929,0.08188011391957636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059880974357670876,0.1099479903413116,0.0651376576894479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298874114569103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05599450804670343,0.3446193807632579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502289801766089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301118858981316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731008199401814,0.0,0.2310074841653688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498467244046633,0.08839721996232554,0.1106947118322541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10997502190743197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553305396070946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679547724116348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117842064217641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480971082887467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823529446455139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310708566636708,0.0,0.07614430874856726,0.07343988823010585,0.0,0.09099054615606801,0.0,0.0,0.10864047074179964,0.10951838726559576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196101803285656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034211177363957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380752249689415 ptsd,Daud1991,2019/09/18,"I am dead. I am not alive. (TW: Abuse) My whole childhood was a big fucked, mushed up ball of trauma, abuse, and neglect. I am the byproduct of all that. I bear the scars of every beating, every method of torture. No idea how to love, care, feel. Every year that passed I lost more and more of myself until I got to where I am. I escaped 2 years ago. Now I'm a husk. I feel like a walking fucking corpse with no direction. Even feeling my heart beat within my chest makes me extremely uncomfortable. I feel nothing but rage, and even that is only sometimes. I shouldn't be alive. My mind is dead but my body lives on, scarred and weary. I may have escaped physically but my brain is a prison that I may never escape from.",0.9257107843137256,3.3273466527777806,2.135751633986932,94.83735294117649,85.94444444444444,4.499346405228758,20.27614379084968,5.900188976854957,-0.06962042483660191,554,17,118,4,17,176,92,144,0.285,0.6409999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.9823,0,0,1,0,2,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,5,10,4,0,6,0,13,7,4,2,2,23,25,9,2,1,4,0,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,5,1,0,2,5,7,0,0,3,4,21,3,13,18,4,14,0,2,0,3,1,5,2,2,8,77,25,1,0.0,0.3753376416750533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404051017687022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593799378644268,0.0,0.17681804503022325,0.0,0.0,0.161491373485172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923306875726855,0.0,0.4003567035857459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203513609895174,0.11315539781596025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928620175273452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668068765920873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769548394538133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880548024192985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738241350954994,0.0,0.13986318788983354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172903764061548,0.0,0.14295511736675895,0.0,0.10572800333533544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993093905441216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221618059848645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198155886760634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046438262405745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566539060961428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683920116902932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20399872863268492 ptsd,MamaLia10,2019/09/18,"IOP Intensive outpatient therapy Hi there PTSD community. I'm grateful to you all. You help me feel less alone. I'm looking for advice and a place to rant. I've been struggling with anxiety and depression my whole life. A couple years ago I was diagnosed PTSD due to childhood trauma. About a year ago I broke down. Quit a well paying job to focus on healing myself. Got a lower stress job, went to biweekly therapy, a new psychiatrist, and changed medications. I was still struggling, but I was doing somewhat better. I thought If I just kept pushing through I would get better. In the last couple months I've had a resurgence of anxiety and depression. It very recently got so bad that I've been unable to work- even at my lower stress job. It made me feel like a failure. Like, I had everything and I gave it up to feel better, but I still feel like this. It's frustrating. I googled some places that offered inpatient and intensive outpatient therapy. I visited two places and found a 6 week traumatic stress specific Intensive outpatient program that seems like a good fit. Has anyone tried an IOP? Did it help you? I need to feel better. I want to be happy, stable, and live a full life. Ive been white knuckling my way through, pretending I'm ok just to try to live a normal life. I have hope that this program will help, but I'm scared of what happens if it doesn't. Any support or guidance would be appreciated.",2.9618687401159747,5.551183214022147,4.121174222456509,82.75442343173434,78.48339483394834,7.856668423827095,27.75975224037955,8.738905477910976,2.506430574591461,1125,49,208,27,28,366,152,271,0.19,0.595,0.215,0.8697,5,1,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,3,0,6,10,26,1,6,14,1,19,6,0,1,1,36,44,15,0,8,8,0,5,4,0,3,6,0,0,0,13,9,0,1,8,1,1,3,1,12,1,1,17,7,25,14,23,22,6,28,0,3,2,0,10,10,0,7,18,122,38,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815548264232707,0.1479621144334023,0.0,0.0,0.08643799111898008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675474361103666,0.0,0.1276912769342554,0.0,0.0,0.05835622827355753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968448630167033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29524957331661406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828818499877074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846908166298635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437656251234424,0.08470877249948909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512365090855962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500725276810437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21099600431414434,0.11924575182448535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150810148567563,0.0,0.0,0.04360369975960665,0.0,0.0,0.07000115557126163,0.13349901227102107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738022081680378,0.08884328435012226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782172067568546,0.0,0.0,0.08289327030870748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24845949538370196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802993845842019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768479370217362,0.16309472203787312,0.0,0.14739103316678065,0.0,0.07008424602152304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897059214714804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407580912340921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661589782649767,0.0,0.0,0.06188353113843264,0.0,0.08060488379630841,0.0,0.0,0.08177175660697908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26158957652581266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951173903016816,0.0,0.0,0.08876854692152537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240534790121426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355666767573228,0.0,0.0,0.07597762005997481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333003706724212,0.0,0.28680480323642604,0.1744982026442773,0.0,0.0,0.09470788647625504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28632671775146296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625684531874307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332588934562665,0.0,0.0815269735913908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688621263731794,0.04922607384190115,0.06624559133007699,0.06694549451851106,0.0,0.07503934892367803,0.07736700426655001,0.0,0.09317860173908557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607588908579747,0.0,0.0,0.11857326018518395,0.0,0.0,0.10748926801798832 ptsd,dffhjkfsthvxj,2019/09/18,"He didn’t touch me, but I’m still scarred. Throwaway. It’s a possibly identifiable story so yeah. Sorry this is long. Trigger warning: sexual harassment, eating disorder 4 1/2 years ago I went throw 4 weeks of hell. I got a job at a small restaurant. I was a dishwasher. I sat in the back and did homework when there were no dishes to be washed. I didn’t mind it. 2 weeks later, I was made waitress after the other one quit. This was when he started. Background: Dude was in his 50’s, immigrated from Thailand, owned the restaurant, and didn’t speak a lot of English (important detail). The first time anything suspicious happened was when I came show ready. I’m in a comedy troupe and usually wear red lipstick while performing. So I wore it to work, not thinking much of it. As I entered and grabbed my apron, he looked and me and said, “you need to wear make up like that all the time. Very sexy, get me tips.” I looked at him confused. My first thought was he didn’t 100% understand the word sexy. So I told him I didn’t like him using that word and I do this for shows and that’s it. He said okay and I didn’t think much of it. Next day I come back for my shift and he asks me why my make up isn’t done the way he told me to do it (aka no lipstick). I told him I only wore it for the show. He told me that I needed to go home and put it on. I said no and the restaurant started filling up. Only waitress, he needed me there. As I went to leave, he again looked at me and said, “next time, wear lipstick. You look sexy you get me tips.” That time it was weird. I had explained the word the night before. I again expressed I didn’t like him using that word towards me and he said okay. Called my mom that night. She told me to start keeping a log of when these comments happened. So I did. It became more than comments, though. Over the next 3 1/2 weeks it was touches on the small of my back, blatantly staring at my boobs, telling me to look sexy for him to get him tips like I was some sort of prostitute, watching me clean the bathrooms and grabbing his crotch while I did. I kept meticulous notes. Finally, he tried to get physical. He attempted to grab my waist and then my butt as I was taking food to customers. I cried that night to my mom. I couldn’t do it anymore. It was too blatant and too much. I was so scared that he was going to become violent one of these days. Mom told me to walk in and get my paycheck the next day, cash it, and never go back to work. So I did. None of my roommates thought what was happening was concerning and one told me to just relax, he’s just confused about the language and his culture might be more touchy. They made me feel like my discomfort may be racist. I didn’t know what to do because accusing him of hiding behind the excuse of a language barrier did seem racist. It made me very conflicted. It was the reason I never pressed charges. I did report him to the business bureau though. Thing is, no one takes me seriously. No one understands this is sexual misconduct. No one understands why I never walk that block of the street anymore, even with my husband who is a large man. I’ve been told to get over it because others have worse trauma. I told my husband to never call me sexy because that word has been ruined for me forever. My councilor has told me to forgive and forget and not let his words effect me. But they do. I freeze every time I see him. I can’t handle the thought of speaking with him again. I didn’t tell anyone until a few months into the next job I got (fast food joint), I had a panic attack because he walked in the door and the manager at the time (bless her because she saw something was up) replaced me for a moment and then pulled me into the office and had me explain. She never made me interact with him. She could tell he scared me. It’s been 4 1/2 years and I still have nightmares. I still lose sleep. I still hate him. I relapsed into my eating disorder because of him. I relived trauma from middle school bullying. I lost all confidence I gained in myself. I didn’t want men to touch me. It took my now husband coming into my life to start trying to heal, but the healing is at a stand stilly I don’t even know why I wrote this. It was just on my mind a lot today and I just feel like I should get over it, but I can’t. The reason I developed my eating disorder was feeling out of control of my body as I went through puberty and that’s what this felt like. He never touched me, but the leers, the comments, the actions, made me feel out of control of my body which led to the relapse. It took a year to get back into recovery. I just feel very heavy today and needed to get this out. Thanks for reading. (Note: he kept my tips because apparently if you pay minimum wage he thought you could. The Business bureau investigated him over that, not the sexual harassment.)",1.9079016201444468,3.9844695514780817,3.1188423666688365,91.2899936560609,79.27522935779818,6.090879909775087,23.38214370919817,7.1686216300943375,0.8160846422452117,3774,127,798,47,94,1217,358,981,0.13699999999999998,0.7709999999999999,0.092,-0.9941,4,0,1,0,0,0,128.0,0,5,2,13,37,32,6,6,49,3,71,20,10,16,10,138,171,57,0,10,14,6,15,7,0,3,4,7,4,2,53,44,7,8,24,5,3,21,31,19,0,8,84,32,145,13,100,77,13,127,2,3,10,2,94,36,3,10,75,530,198,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0369671562720466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271625732058623,0.029159678047272142,0.0,0.03431798131365188,0.0,0.038986636473910964,0.04744313543868885,0.0,0.16033500360369268,0.0,0.17795215391479766,0.046057640947035496,0.03548614589884005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264517070338517,0.0,0.0,0.08516676607765038,0.04769707443791703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184681179229438,0.0,0.0,0.09354682749350292,0.06659283751673857,0.0,0.04580874141253298,0.0806848742059121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338560937233988,0.0,0.0,0.04267660524290705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801761232000525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055088821222264,0.0,0.03513654095560507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054313436128832,0.059585203406342976,0.04004137981276856,0.04568355233336016,0.0,0.07094502995917247,0.10085476529123504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960926701139389,0.0,0.0711022566477624,0.0,0.06670733069319551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063336475086487,0.0,0.0,0.04117303747723716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04183146737153141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276750237311363,0.03706750542371464,0.0,0.0,0.04583771045020677,0.0,0.0,0.044157411350081284,0.0,0.04264410026780548,0.029456032711734605,0.14261771230647166,0.0,0.0,0.03690580573163045,0.1750999088386458,0.04665494307302782,0.045523705232719064,0.07090872757670932,0.0,0.1973017371358032,0.05567409691518841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04424024843454365,0.08421619930163401,0.14652600202024016,0.033286903402063014,0.0,0.09196941814277172,0.12368886049084815,0.1929833538281548,0.0,0.2217578460187398,0.1174062038323716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695540227288249,0.06343395790582047,0.0,0.04892943609668652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047013819437090834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04192299147100148,0.0,0.044356229412597925,0.04171424365818115,0.0,0.0,0.08575517338835427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834531586369328,0.0,0.08350387268710062,0.04220562015904517,0.033231858421392486,0.037964806933053874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04173307562311932,0.0,0.0,0.03210497467952268,0.0,0.04668304748426598,0.11807027396021914,0.0,0.13321614529879144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271086920672822,0.0,0.10935067091635617,0.03839448098323835,0.0,0.0,0.02770559240718162,0.053443143504026416,0.08194588947727761,0.13242996232488882,0.14590398191525736,0.0,0.07905905643547592,0.3984896374451044,0.09266704212298167,0.056627142389129075,0.0,0.0,0.13024275080188286,0.0,0.07203593246193822,0.04592991675776488,0.10322792411871898,0.024597485259538285,0.033101867142285885,0.10035479286243117,0.0,0.0,0.1159771802926871,0.11289130000882575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072050056499932,0.0,0.04249887723547719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08056601347456506 ptsd,karpaediem,2019/09/18,"First Relationship After Abuse Hi everyone, it's been over a year now since my abusive relationship ended and there's someone I have feelings for. Because I was pretty certain he had feelings for me too, I decided to tell him and now we are seeing each other. He knows some of my history, so it's completely up to me how and when our relationship advances. Still, it's really scary being so vulnerable with someone after a lot of abuse and there's just not a lot of advice online for how to manage triggers and stuff inside of a romantic relationship. I would love to hear from those of you who have navigated relationships while managing PTSD.",5.533544536271808,7.267270380165289,6.8169696969696965,70.13434343434345,68.3388429752066,10.005876951331498,31.626262626262626,10.25414643259724,3.618778879706153,520,22,87,14,9,176,80,121,0.141,0.765,0.094,-0.7956,0,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,2,1,0,2,12,2,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,3,1,22,14,11,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,4,12,2,18,9,4,13,0,0,1,1,16,2,0,3,10,73,19,2,0.0,0.44699965871443664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288696961857767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665947943854265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185241058646713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113821831620966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016491650882205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717167436405752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696769502487062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173576166711946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911201862762924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138259198816906,0.11349938753677392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279387100615302,0.0,0.0,0.14700162985827436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805622920909596,0.0,0.0,0.6750725481222596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002109745749596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402637648734113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131047150331045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004286277059188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396013701943586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991598447490188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933320847455517,0.0,0.0,0.0809825180958306 ptsd,notacranehermit,2019/09/18,"Looking for sexual advice [Long] My partner and I have been together for 10 years. I was diagnosed with PTSD about halfway through our relationship and decided to try EMDR with a therapist who specializes in trauma. I was also recieving treatment for depression and anxiety. I had made significant changes in our sexual relationship throughout the course of my therapy to make our relationship more romantic and our sex more frequent. My partner made a lot of these therapy sessions more difficult by pressuring me to do more in the bedroom, which proved difficult alongside reprocessing sexual trauma and childhood abuse. I had stopped going to therapy when I had gotten to a point where our frequency seemed manageable and I was actually able to enjoy the sex we were having. It's nearly eight months later and I still suffer from depression and PTSD to a lesser extent, but I'm worried things are starting to flare up again. My partner had a long discussion with me about my boundaries during sex because there are certain things that I don't feel comfortable doing due to the trauma I've experienced. He explicitly said he's ""missing out on things"" normal people his age get to do. He offered no alternatives, we still have sex nearly every week (which proves difficult with depression), and acted like I'm not respecting his sexuality or sexual frustrations because I can't handle certain things in the bedroom. I've cried several times today because of this. I feel broken and ashamed. He hasn't offered any advice for me other than to go back to therapy. I don't feel loved unconditionally any more. It's so difficult, but I feel like I have to give up a long term relationship because I'm so tired of someone consistently pressuring me to ""do more"" in bed and to top it off he expressed that I'm not a good girlfriend and that no one else would put up with me due to my mental health issues. I did contact my therapist, but I'm not sure they can make it so I'm okay with performing sexual acts that trigger me this badly. I feel so lost.",7.789720279720278,8.2535024801061,8.276736194839646,66.24424342898482,62.660477453580896,11.947383650831929,37.56076681938751,11.567385478589935,4.769669496021222,1653,77,269,48,22,549,187,377,0.223,0.726,0.051,-0.9969,0,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,7,0,1,3,14,30,1,3,12,1,26,8,0,5,6,50,53,22,0,2,7,0,5,2,4,1,3,1,3,3,19,21,0,1,9,0,0,5,9,18,0,2,15,8,39,12,49,37,9,43,0,6,1,5,32,16,0,3,24,187,58,2,0.08614256735468476,0.10206485617844636,0.08406271952344123,0.0,0.0,0.16835503968477847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888817999108902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715979951137648,0.0,0.06589882824375846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623831703240059,0.07192544556371958,0.21004683805205035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112741416444188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946235652957797,0.0,0.0,0.22258340110994865,0.08743289257820741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196106145202454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257882829478708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21778135174536775,0.061540267330285614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04500593603947089,0.08263580000240166,0.09791361236782213,0.07225229849068368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156552088997742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991045977667153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841698143607025,0.0,0.0,0.22870038408116114,0.0723380610179594,0.0,0.0940347881597874,0.07323533027759299,0.07774703026797931,0.1630203601422903,0.11500166523450008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681144694545065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875817541447835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440142620874888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058372433026700275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972040984298627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143256988859167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20139210288391307,0.08659707292821202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699395175322022,0.0,0.0,0.08194130800374001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784209580311378,0.0,0.09731658160383692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298831777642742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097215254700681,0.0,0.1375871311286836,0.07201904351734831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118835027638092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940461326770749,0.20003632027317567,0.22891717618611146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05023042376469291,0.09900820909063457,0.08165308146621852,0.0,0.0,0.05848514868720212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909837149236528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748195860840846,0.0,0.06119320829776843,0.0,0.0,0.055472989081405966 ptsd,darksunflower97,2019/09/18,"Lost in the hallway Hi idk where to start this post but. I suffer from MDD, PTSD, and Anxiety I am 22 and live with my fiance and child. I have dreams of my abusive past replaying in my head, once in a while. But what got me was two weeks ago. I came out of my bathroom it was dark and I got lost in the hallway in our apartment. It felt like I was being hunted, watched, like I was hiding. My mother was very abusive to me as a child and I would hide in my closet behind piles of stuff like toys, purses, clothes. In a dark closet I would hold my breath, hide behind my stuff till she would go away, so I didn't get beat. I have reoccurring memories when I'm out in public and I start panicking and have to go to the bathroom till I calm down. Or me and my significant other just leave. This has been the first time I've experienced this, is my PTSD getting worse. Also just to inform you our bedroom is like three steps away from our bathroom. As soon as I flipped the switch off the episode happened, I felt like I was frozen, I was scared, I was lost. Please help me.",1.7202036199095048,3.5244954434389197,2.8154276018099544,94.55861651583712,78.72850678733032,5.686968325791856,21.00475113122172,6.508806274219699,0.09486769230769276,827,22,188,7,20,264,117,221,0.188,0.687,0.126,-0.9387,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,3,1,0,5,7,11,0,1,9,0,21,2,2,0,0,24,37,20,0,3,5,1,2,5,0,3,0,0,3,2,9,12,0,1,3,2,0,4,1,5,0,3,18,4,37,6,32,15,0,33,0,4,1,0,12,16,0,1,17,130,46,0,0.0,0.2857396288594738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688856436120173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642928878988227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224481094513204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22658129800414475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379135515152805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23155503613702685,0.0,0.0,0.10256688863341888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599811474684022,0.0,0.1370589265778053,0.0,0.19288069543924505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106630161483922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375180049919055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082349485358567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767880413582905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945510876259489,0.0,0.10647601242548144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39488811048260336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841577072030974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510905206847265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236269818765242,0.0,0.0,0.11548411262542994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28190753844137856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072350121334614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069695575805932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27607481563272196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031226605014516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779097909309308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949268236771223,0.0,0.0,0.09672351367694368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288324103788635,0.2569737314451431,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kyann03,2019/09/18,"I need to talk I am out of town for work and my PTSD is flaring. It’s bad, like bad enough I’m worried I might hurt myself. I just need someone to talk to. I hope some one is around.",-1.7542857142857144,-0.0035888095238068023,0.6098095238095276,105.65185714285712,91.85714285714286,3.3600000000000003,15.542857142857144,3.1291,-1.502662857142857,138,3,38,0,5,46,31,42,0.268,0.617,0.115,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,2,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,9,8,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,7,2,7,7,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,3,1,24,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156955148413798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40461540126199536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25035735621892136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24065538549483986,0.0,0.0,0.2593837272076581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837397371953835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570386065370378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593200023702537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164186576993906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832319837601209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052972856343608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3894979668459152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17639495036461178,0.2460641537087751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,underairpressure,2019/09/18,"I died that night. I did. It doesn't matter that I physically 'survived'. **I** died that night. Something irreplaceable was stolen from me, some part of the core of my being, something I'll never have back for as long as I live. Not long after that night, I remember saying something like.... it was like my life was a movie that had come to an end, or was supposed to come to an end, but the credits kept rolling, and rolling, long after the screen was meant to go dark, and for it all to finally be Over. It should have been Over that day. It WAS over that day. But I'm still here. like a ghost.......",0.6752142857142864,2.9927829499999987,1.7161904761904765,98.02500000000003,86.16666666666666,4.761904761904762,18.57142857142857,6.1826913282559595,-0.3338571428571431,454,12,104,4,14,142,67,120,0.065,0.866,0.069,0.3639,0,0,3,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,7,0,15,1,0,0,2,16,21,7,3,1,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,12,4,0,1,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,11,2,9,4,17,7,3,22,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,2,19,73,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830026555521365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26505431513047745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843955531260293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31934162375584163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725288244551529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853389001381913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743584426305444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866798932485287,0.22548832390473114,0.0,0.13585134908962632,0.4084541603939992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186577140179382,0.0,0.0,0.4331301580760752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666033070585039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742807507467572,0.0,0.0,0.12234677686647863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553210725855004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228638866348427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alwaystraumatized,2019/04/30,"Trigger Warning: gaslighting & abuse - for the rest of my life, I will always be in the wrong and that will never change. **Please be aware I will be talking about manipulation, gaslighting, mental illness, suicide, parental death, and abuse mentally and sexually (including child s.abuse). Do not feel obligated to read if this would be uncomfortable for you. This is also extremely long, literally talking abt many examples thru my life. I struggle with words, I’m sorry.** I made a throwaway because a portion of this is about some people who somehow found my main account and used my personal venting against me when I was hurt. In fact, I’m still fucking terrified they’ll find this and know this is the same person somehow. I’ve not talked about this thread but idk I’m rambling. I’m in my 20’s and trauma happens like a calendar event every few years, it’s like a timer. That would be a funny punchline if this didn’t fuck me up so much in a horrible way. When I was sexually abused as a kid and I told my parents years later, it was on me to “talk to” my rapist about how I felt. I was told to get over it. When I took my mom to therapy with me once so I could tell her how she treats me makes me feel bad, how she’s passive aggressive and talks down to me, she turned it on me like she wasn’t a problem. In later appointments, my therapist said it was my fault I’m still stuck in that house and that if I just applied to her husbands restaurant and got a job, then I’d be free. When I was in an abusive relationship, my ex boyfriend would make me do things and I’d do them. He’d then get mad at me for doing exactly what he asked me to do, for some other made up reason. When he would say mean things to me, insult me, or control me, and I would tell him that it hurt my feelings, he would turn it on me. How could I make him feel bad? He’s such a good person to me. He doesn’t deserve that. My punishment was to give him oral, or full on penetration sex, whichever mood he was in. Leaving that relationship because he was abusive...he told me I was the abusive one. He said I told him things to “hold him hostage”. All of the examples he listed were things he told me to keep ME in the relationship (like “I’ll kill myself if you leave me!) and I was the one in the wrong. When I tried casually dating, I made it very clear to this boy I was seeing that it was not exclusive and that I just got out of a bad relationship and would like to have freedom talking to many people. He was a self proclaimed feminist, he told me not to worry. We will get back to him momentarily. During that time, I met up with a traveler. I explicitly told him I’m not interested in a hook up, it will not happen. We hung out and he ended up trapping me in his hotel room. I told him again I wasn’t hooking up, but I was scared since he was drunk, and I just let things happen, like he thought I just needed to be “persuaded” I asked if he had a condom. He left the room and I heard crinkling in the bathroom. He came back out and I just let it happen. Afterwards he didn’t get up...I asked where the condom was. He said oh it fell off somewhere or something! I called his bluff. He admitted there was no condom. I told him that was wrong and he tried manipulating, saying “I’m such a monster, I’m such a piece of shit and I should feel horrible” so I wouldn’t feel bad. It was to make him look more innocent after raping me. When I told the guy I had gone on some dates with that I was literally raped, he yelled at me. He told me it’s my fault he’s depressed because I won’t sleep with him. I’ll fuck someone else, but I won’t fuck him, and I’m a bad person since it’s my fault I was making him depressed for not sleeping with him. He never once asked me for sex before this. Two years ago, my dad died. I watched him become nothing. It killed the person I used to be and I had to start caring about myself more. I always put other people first. My friends often told me “Sorry, I’m too upset right now, I can’t help you with your problem.” And I’d respect that. I care about their mental health and they don’t need my shit weighing on them too. Turns out, I didn’t have that same privilege. When I was sent a post by a trusted friend that was about me on my best friends blog saying I’m a bad person for “ghosting” my friends (something I did not do), she lied when I asked her. I then discovered all the other passive aggressive posts she wrote were about me. I had no idea. She denied everything, made up excuses, said it was about other people. I didn’t believe her. Her partner at the time made a status for me to see, another passive aggressive post, saying it’s wrong for someone to have betrayed their partners trust by telling me about this post that was about me on their “private” (it was public and I followed it) blog. That confirmed it was about me. And it also blamed me and the person who just wanted me to know the truth. It’s my fault for being emotionally compromised and completely traumatized after watching my dad die. When I was told that two of my other friends were saying awful, vile, mean shit about me, I confronted them. One told me it was on me for all of these many reasons that were basically him projecting on me. The other said she felt violated and that she couldn’t trust anyone because that comment wasn’t meant for me to see, and how she’s hurt because she’s betrayed by whoever sent me the comment. It took me a long time to recover from all of this. Undoing so many toxic beliefs, intrusive thoughts that kept telling me that because of these last two situations, all my friends secretly hated me. No one really liked me. But I healed. I trusted that my friends cared about me. I was thriving. I was doing so well. I was medicated for ADHD, PTSD, Panic disorder, GAD, MDD. Then this past week and a half happened. My coworkers and I were talking lunch and I brought up my sexuality, and a weird convo I had about it. This isn’t weird, we were mostly all on the LGBT spectrum in some way. One person talked about my sexuality and saying some uneducated things about it. I patiently and kindly explained why they were misunderstood, because they didn’t identity the same way so I didn’t expect them to know! I’ll just take my time and educate them. They argued with me though...about my own identity. I felt so invalidated. I would never do that to their sexuality nor anyone else’s. My other coworkers let it happen. They didn’t see a problem with the argument. That original person and I had a convo tho, and we met in the middle and was all okay. We were “good”. I still felt hurt. I wanted to talk more about why I was hurt...but not then. I was too upset. I decided to seek support in a subreddit for this sexuality, talking anonymously about what happened and how awful it made me feel. Everyone else was as anonymous as possible. Nobody there knows me or these people I were talking about. Once I was cooled off enough to talk to everyone and I had my thoughts together, my coworkers had stopped coming to lunch. I assumed they’re busy or have days off. One person had a lot of personal things going on. I find out soon that I’m completely blocked and the original person will not respond to me, won’t say anything. Their friend said they “don’t know what’s going on”. A few more days pass and I talk to the last person. It took a while, they were busy, had personal things, or whenever I felt mentally ready to talk they were gone for the day already. There were so many reasons why I didn’t talk immediately. They told me that they’re upset because they read my Reddit post and that it isn’t okay that I didn’t go talk to them. I apologized, hey, because it does suck to see that even if I don’t know how they found that post or my account. I validated their hurt feelings on that. I tried eco explaining that I was extremely hurt because of how I was treated, and this is when I was ready to come talk about what happened and my feelings about it. I just kept being told that it’s not okay that I went behind their back and I should have talked to them about my feelings first...even though there were several reasons why I didn’t talk immediately. I was being ostracized because I hurt all of their feelings over a vent post and this person was insistent that I was in the wrong. I kept trying to explain why I was so hurt and wanted to seek anonymous support, they weren’t sorry. They said “I don’t care what people think about my sexuality” and “impact trumps intent” even though...I could argue the same thing. Finally after years of abuse I was confident in my own feelings, and in a mature way I said, “I feel gaslit.” I was called manipulative...it was all my fault. Out of these examples and many more...I’ve never once been apologized to. No one has ever taken responsibility for the way they made me feel. I’m a reasonable person and I’m open to being told when I’m wrong, when I’ve hurt someone, when I’ve made a mistake. I always apologize. I always validate their feelings. I always say I understand they’re hurt by their reasoning of why I made them upset. But I’m never apologized to. Years of gaslighting has ruined my brain. I’ll never be wronged. No matter what. My brain will always accept that I did something wrong - even if the truth is, I really didn’t. My brain will always find a way to accept that I did the hurting, I don’t deserve to be apologized to, I don’t deserve to have hurt feelings because I did something wrong and it’s my fault, my brain going back and forth and back and forth with itself. It will always fucking be my fault somehow, no matter what, and that is never going to change in my mind regardless of how hard I try to accept myself. It’s cracked for others to tell me their mistakes are mine. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to think straight again. Sorry this post is so fucking long and that I’m just complaining. I feel so conflicted with myself. I’m scared and I don’t feel like I have anywhere to go. I hardly feel safe in this sub but I’m so desperate...so you for reading if you made it to the end. I’m sorry it’s so much, I just feel so lost right now.",2.3967003777971527,4.410431479606885,3.7589010858365697,87.6000023116959,77.44717444717445,6.754722464399885,24.159533433726985,7.736767680249184,1.182424850070012,7931,269,1641,121,186,2601,538,2035,0.198,0.6940000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.9997,5,0,4,0,5,2,253.0,5,6,34,4,109,131,27,8,69,6,176,33,9,39,24,308,365,134,7,36,42,7,27,8,10,24,6,18,2,23,129,88,4,10,64,9,3,23,57,82,1,12,159,54,309,49,198,158,37,184,1,16,8,14,242,68,10,27,87,1126,438,5,0.01992691454617705,0.16527094684827734,0.0,0.0,0.023948278898133613,0.0,0.017664007423962222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021989845715826576,0.031871092726363716,0.1326463137140882,0.021590803585405875,0.0,0.0,0.02089510736135286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027866723949055736,0.020417478806372288,0.016398152788347636,0.0,0.09314487582470914,0.0,0.0,0.07661283635490856,0.09982884778968712,0.14576714582898725,0.022007711538087983,0.016956336592190206,0.02245080890049773,0.02091206742328302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898010743938853,0.040695215428513766,0.022791081650219692,0.0812672697562563,0.0,0.04216006675055668,0.03433054486386771,0.041785981552504084,0.0,0.022349729083473636,0.04773005939198487,0.0,0.0,0.03855363410932408,0.0,0.03432604459885675,0.0,0.04136198248971528,0.0,0.022837970456832748,0.0,0.017438177204466974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993914041251421,0.022415096775076724,0.035298663332642116,0.02058982952622364,0.0,0.05264615649017172,0.03605007008880992,0.01678928494593127,0.03808204159606916,0.01790902589923661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20151293462673234,0.014235791733374675,0.09566481460913268,0.021828960865448947,0.05463851666613148,0.03389964666661837,0.0,0.043697666532690825,0.123163877980221,0.11053266839950522,0.0416439615892397,0.019115712192820804,0.06794954851511005,0.03342750099055252,0.03187474784172988,0.0,0.0,0.019730778305757327,0.1409704377883077,0.0,0.03570120277694255,0.01967370263248891,0.0,0.021181378338052743,0.0,0.0,0.013356590778971326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022992983947528082,0.27731826407911664,0.022495061010258995,0.0,0.0,0.01977438791372509,0.017711957235059618,0.044092357054661066,0.02075081506361636,0.06570786660445417,0.03248618992997978,0.0,0.042199450570159135,0.021650650959786428,0.061129860639697185,0.028149938105679912,0.07788227119943575,0.0,0.0,0.052904076929805186,0.016733589497116667,0.0,0.021752581163649747,0.016941150153952117,0.0,0.18855328356229684,0.06650685097300259,0.1212165821814721,0.0,0.04341250343192424,0.0,0.020074269987537672,0.08032657200890356,0.0,0.02012050316684514,0.023338161478997043,0.0,0.0,0.029297150023228195,0.02955110928594577,0.10758205467328708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01912041193891416,0.0,0.0,0.08488605459016682,0.09452095106364028,0.0,0.0,0.023379940726349697,0.04425296082436776,0.0,0.01902249471170552,0.08288888108272564,0.2783906106367543,0.0,0.02187376823157172,0.0,0.02246460207688613,0.15267580661833488,0.0,0.0,0.05720209809629567,0.023293496744292142,0.020032052969636702,0.0,0.0,0.05979692115676126,0.0,0.02553138343217971,0.12292912185840653,0.0,0.08557619513202558,0.0,0.034034952287247816,0.15164047160743935,0.12677345803924367,0.0399006354781447,0.0,0.07939585473489819,0.0,0.02078811777024205,0.02251174146645934,0.06136407427258255,0.03296749926330149,0.02239868685489371,0.03988261105109586,0.0,0.05065203008908186,0.06136284943443517,0.0,0.11153274696961192,0.014104372679050415,0.0,0.047740979091665615,0.016659792828772228,0.0,0.020831937680668502,0.0,0.02179681024441223,0.04522565296476138,0.0,0.0,0.014982559803611378,0.3043134827880841,0.08708500813835293,0.0,0.022788163431376383,0.023136683654916026,0.11914700923376442,0.03830508668293912,0.05873427710144295,0.04745923287513063,0.046478176479510816,0.0,0.0,0.3236973535665879,0.0664186058012279,0.06764533469914946,0.0650242826060472,0.058397100053055186,0.020744620802956457,0.0,0.03442091234812941,0.0,0.016441791415912194,0.035260231463665505,0.09490234347138403,0.01598416887598692,0.0,0.017916689303243846,0.01847244942352006,0.10788564566782922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020236748997093237,0.0,0.1132440668999614,0.1960825758911325,0.0,0.06416139819090687 ptsd,wwwdotbeansdotcom,2019/04/30,"DAE have similar nightmare to this? (sexual assault tw) i don't often get memorable nightmares, but when i do they always revolve around interactions my r*pist, usually reliving the events or calling them out, except they have been replaced by my current girlfriend (the relationship is totally healthy afaik.) does anyone experience anything similar, or can anyone offer any sort of explanation? thanks xx",8.043897435897437,11.500532184615386,7.878076923076929,57.87608974358977,65.61538461538461,11.102564102564099,41.6025641025641,10.864195022040775,6.239717948717949,332,20,39,11,6,106,56,65,0.035,0.853,0.11199999999999999,0.7476,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,1,10,9,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,6,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,4,4,29,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25282297050738245,0.0,0.0,0.20662468420162644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4249102884107489,0.0,0.2500381402363022,0.2704860302282421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102592137539956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658963758658429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972182312795941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874621431818484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32621529015321915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797391994781471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346417979064291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,theradiantvoid,2019/04/30,"Triggered Vent Almost pulled out of the gas station and hit someone. I didn't and stopped just in time. The driver gets out and starts yelling at me and I said I'm sorry. It was an honest mistake. I wasn't cutting him off or anything. Now, I'm yelling and telling him to go, but he wont. He blocked me in. So I just lay it on my horn and he's still yelling and shaking his hands, fists, and fingers at me. I'm blaring the horn for a good three minutes before he could leave. As soon as I can pull out, I do. Luckily I only live ten minutes away but now I'm hysterical. Driving 50 down a 30 to get home. Relapsed and self mutilated.... I want to die. On top of that, I'm preparing to visit the place of all of my trauma. I don't see it going well... I'm just not strong enough for this world. It's even just the little things. Someone's tone of voice, body language or a way someone words something. Im tired of walking around d on egg shells and taking all my strength to try to live a normal life. It's all just weighing me down.",0.0264383561643804,2.139468575342466,1.835532420091326,97.50524383561644,86.9908675799087,4.2345936073059365,22.458630136986297,5.414198509911553,-0.027588273972602998,794,30,184,4,25,260,128,219,0.106,0.7879999999999999,0.106,0.0093,0,0,1,0,3,1,33.0,0,0,0,3,13,9,1,1,10,0,8,7,3,1,3,36,24,17,1,4,10,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,1,1,8,14,2,2,0,0,0,8,5,4,1,2,4,8,19,5,31,17,4,35,0,0,1,0,11,19,0,3,7,109,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571209858891864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912215223906687,0.13968164353112225,0.0,0.0,0.1474205024432612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351739693689385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428973642773782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252785008721825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284603116217206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212820657157556,0.0,0.10363644492256666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395620950625048,0.0,0.1783491929688257,0.13160722819160312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573918071976379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948787751378033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614322208282473,0.0,0.0,0.11082896471682926,0.0,0.15726332667546994,0.27710578742703235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15373680825093508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933582419930384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163935765580948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925571429616402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250355911979935,0.0,0.1636895656564571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3988436517695879,0.12079566657236995,0.0,0.17564598305346946,0.11106049442318897,0.0,0.12530716213142676,0.13118235533435368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797550570863845,0.0,0.13714476043388354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042428949412164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149448502891926,0.18034299584688274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065304283723087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254857409450372,0.12454649617876296,0.0,0.0,0.14107939556932422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mrpotatopuree,2019/04/30,"How to apologise for anger So my mental health has been deteriorating lately because I've had PTSD for 8 years and never had any treatment until now. So I feel like everything is resurfacing. I feel that because of my increased anxiety because I'm trying to talk about it more openly with people I end up being really irritable and fiesty in conversations This just lead me to have a huge argument with my housemate this morning and I don't know what to do. I hate using my mental health as an excuse for being a douchebag, but I feel like the boy who cried wolf now. My housemate keeps saying things that sound racist to me only because I'm so easily triggered about that subject What should I do? how can I apologise and stop my mental health from getting in between me and people I know? I just end up shouting because I'm so scared and angry, I'm so lost! What do you guys do in these situations? I don't know if this makes any sense but I'm just utterly confused and trying to reach out for help",3.81159090909091,5.594974641414144,5.0291792929292924,81.0471022727273,72.78787878787878,7.576262626262628,26.516414141414145,8.278499904357787,1.8214232323232324,801,28,150,13,16,265,109,198,0.191,0.6990000000000001,0.11,-0.9674,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,2,14,7,2,2,4,0,16,3,0,6,1,34,33,19,0,2,6,0,3,2,0,1,3,3,0,2,13,11,0,2,6,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,4,6,21,2,25,26,2,19,0,1,0,0,9,8,0,2,11,103,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17116165916665468,0.0,0.09627323387699084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835782991866543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382379152220833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229276206409138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310390124663358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908973094308227,0.17981140810655535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575028906665352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460912243745885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242486627815704,0.0,0.4013110267348745,0.0,0.0,0.08435313751603116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185932017018148,0.0,0.0,0.2074880034618171,0.0,0.1419618166623916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296577100516667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737775608988845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400439361691582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804749928510725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706159306118424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571293409064142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449405815764615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710936096013466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062133269141905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007923350660893,0.12599561696402395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145821667487538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521440828197964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115170652213956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360769617900295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088481079105938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086921056719173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104186666165465 ptsd,pipingtips,2019/04/30,"Obsessive thoughts related to trauma or something unrelated? I go through periods where all I can think about are the dimensions of rooms. Not the room I'm in at the time. Rooms from the barracks, rooms from my childhood home. It's not like walking in to a room and quickly noting its size but more like I'm down on the floor measuring it out inch by inch or an architect drawing out every graph paper square of the space. I can literally spend hours simply mapping out various places in my mind. Basically I'm pretty sure this is trauma related but maybe not? Maybe it's just me being weird or anal or on the spectrum (I'm not, that I know of, that's a lame joke). Anyone else have experiences like this? If it is trauma related, is there a name for it so I can mention it to my therapist to work on it?",2.1779580745341605,4.449561869565219,3.8722631987577683,85.22280473602487,79.37267080745342,7.503260869565217,25.59045031055901,8.472884824447931,1.9042822981366456,635,25,128,14,16,212,96,161,0.146,0.81,0.044000000000000004,-0.9336,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,11,0,1,11,0,9,1,1,0,2,24,17,9,0,1,12,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,0,12,4,0,1,3,1,1,2,4,6,0,0,1,1,9,5,24,15,3,30,0,1,1,0,2,23,0,5,8,85,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541483329004002,0.22588376917109326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18416314395001848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574413624912564,0.0,0.0,0.2156487903868605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252905274415892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22113587631679216,0.0,0.21710527623099424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115714443787595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231117772357488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442956435118868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22259825201960967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23033015394432305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242835483888408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971820870707274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20777767222043955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25596702509913033,0.0,0.14125964392931967,0.0,0.17501786101127847,0.12854997655384526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049498077102511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,turbogingergoose,2019/04/30,"Why is it so hard for people to understand? I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to reach out to people. I’m very conserved so this is usually when I’m very upset and I just can’t do life anymore so I just get into an argument. A cry for help really. How do I get people to understand? Everyone just thinks I’m lazy because I don’t have motivation (late to school, behind, can’t clean my room) I always have my mental well-being before school which has been a big negative because no one understands, so my parents punish me which makes me even more stressed and depressed which makes me triggered more. It’s a loop really. When i finally open up (arguing because that’s when I’ve given up) they say you aren’t even trying, you treat me horrible and they talk about their problems. Then I want to help them and I don’t mean to treat them horrible it’s just what I am when I’m triggered. This is my first post, so keeping it short :)",1.9828645833333312,3.9954415572916697,3.627291666666668,88.05520833333334,78.73958333333334,7.183333333333334,23.166666666666664,8.167268648758528,1.3178416666666668,737,24,154,14,18,245,103,192,0.192,0.703,0.105,-0.9609,2,0,0,0,0,1,21.0,0,2,5,2,18,8,2,2,4,0,16,1,0,7,0,28,33,16,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,11,7,0,2,7,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,2,2,25,2,15,31,2,19,0,1,0,0,13,8,0,0,10,99,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089981665796306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991164129967428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395596409433846,0.0,0.1114669257640765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438916357085568,0.0,0.0,0.11282562846851706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173041658655112,0.0,0.0,0.1251711441458598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434983993781193,0.0,0.11142410914857552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687875177966874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734560994320516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560610509542132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164341962382497,0.0,0.0,0.07199131574493474,0.0,0.14776783905409027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252550054161998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488009110705252,0.13280816578447,0.0,0.14269173860077186,0.0,0.0,0.13201194713136244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876546600463704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545422214968065,0.0,0.0,0.2724458996222993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545680717772767,0.0,0.0,0.1253443314516013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783724516295126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417232194647633,0.0,0.26514746022327984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005409972031244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528865747721748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393617788959329,0.0,0.0,0.07638412075514968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787373965362532,0.0,0.0,0.409110616755288,0.0,0.0,0.1442722643417678,0.21616885619385875,0.07726412643469242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778005618398395,0.0,0.11820243120010765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,noodleslirp,2019/04/30,"I went to therapy, turned out I have PTSD (trigger warning) l’m doing better but I’m scared I’ll go back to not doing better. I went because I had anxiety for several months that started to become physical, I would feel nauseous, going to class was not a thing anymore I even failed five courses, I was lying about how I was doing to my family, and I felt like I was dying all the time for many many months and even in a span of five years or more. The first meeting I spilled many things that happened to me as a kid trying to pin point why this was happening and if my brain was just reacting late. Some events include sexual abuse from a family member, car accident during a family’s funeral from two members is the family. Turns out many things i experience are not suppose to happen to “normal” people: flashbacks of events out of nowhere that would cause me to zone out and loose focus, horrible things that would pop into my head, I get startled very easily and people have found this out and think it’s funny but I don’t like it at all, I’m sensitive to loud noises and they make me panic or fear something is going to happen to someone, loss of memory (she explained that all those years trying to push back the memories caused me to push back other things too?), certain areas people touch me make me react very angry, it has been hard for my to show affection to others (this has gotten better though), people that look like the person that abused me make me remembered being pinned down by him or other events, and so many other things like eating disorders after that finished happening. I still feel like it’s all in my head and I’m just making this up though, which is what the person that caused all my trauma made me think in the first place. I found this out a year ago and I stopped going to therapy because I felt vulnerable sharing what happened for the first time. It made me feel gross knowing that someone else knows what happened. I’m having a hard day today because I’m retaking a class I failed because someone there looked like him the first time I took the class. I stopped going to it completely. But now I’m getting an A, and I’m looking back to that first time, I should feel happy I’m doing better but it just feels weird and scared that I will get anxiety again and feel horrible and fail. The anxiety stemmed from many many things but the abuse was one of them, I guess it catches on to you after years of pushing it out of your mind. I know this is long so thank you to whoever read this, I’m trying my best to not stop going to classes and to keep doing my best but it’s not easy when I start feeling the anxiety coming back.",6.8565833785985895,6.210682254752857,6.991181423139602,78.39867870722436,64.8555133079848,9.94774579033134,30.953014665942426,9.23628265651192,2.4972642042368265,2110,64,406,32,28,680,230,526,0.183,0.6920000000000001,0.125,-0.9877,0,0,1,0,3,0,40.0,0,3,2,15,25,28,0,5,23,0,31,4,3,14,6,92,94,32,2,6,18,0,12,6,0,5,0,1,0,3,45,24,1,4,18,2,0,15,6,12,0,9,19,16,52,16,59,69,9,74,0,4,3,0,14,19,0,6,46,279,97,8,0.0,0.17904821851550462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0446518557353372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413817241428174,0.0,0.04995561954597391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19366530110000532,0.0,0.12282553651402794,0.055632062253922775,0.0,0.0,0.10572488963578858,0.17820022921593456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623195837356547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155238165611661,0.0,0.04339113146254248,0.05281422202956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03248585795593991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052278320279488234,0.0,0.05773082730609759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154326645007702,0.0420794526731871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654063622703787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049273610747961126,0.1899454521695489,0.056682652783593836,0.17828764415841916,0.0359858611639084,0.09673029224569027,0.0,0.0,0.2142325487226857,0.0,0.11046088552599308,0.0,0.0,0.07895207980699348,0.0,0.17176586064281754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549058239972481,0.0,0.3118073697826569,0.05362207117742635,0.09024707234959252,0.0,0.10339267957992736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477306537912127,0.0,0.0,0.08304961920245689,0.0,0.05682195894891943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765567579614186,0.0,0.0,0.04457775169931704,0.12689971299706446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532665848664228,0.13449515701763476,0.3574860493877058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086149383687474,0.0,0.0804131103646148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04935399434134698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03413346028259167,0.0,0.0,0.059100843617033015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396867755368874,0.08796600543318595,0.0526281567757036,0.0,0.04761794644965719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058882326712947824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05038576341189282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057061806092992676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008625832381333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056906171299948176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804043193344158,0.03877892817145644,0.0,0.0,0.07130730858367391,0.0,0.040227249681613376,0.12634007359425353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04637589143401518,0.11520984582816272,0.0,0.2342550436626611,0.06455285649302657,0.09898072786870367,0.0,0.1174895809990064,0.0,0.04774689127491974,0.0,0.055965292080427526,0.10259811333834326,0.10958082978310328,0.049206253604600105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312456858888001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933909420371284,0.04545301424389392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734875197205626,0.0,0.0,0.12975200596491898 ptsd,julietime,2019/04/30,Service dog thoughts and advice? What kind of tasks can a sd do for ptsd? I’m looking to start training soon but to be honest I’m not sure what consists as a task. I know that I’ll need to get the basics down first so I have some time before I’ll really need this information but figured it would give me a chance to learn how to train the tasks before I actually start,2.7626923076923084,4.010383987179488,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,74.51282051282051,6.7384615384615385,23.256410256410252,7.1686216300943375,0.6480871794871801,293,8,65,3,6,96,57,78,0.033,0.87,0.098,0.7066,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,0,5,0,0,1,1,15,16,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,4,3,9,13,1,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,5,37,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.23560802381120666,0.0,0.0,0.2359297820939933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4108908007534964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053664848001852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614104932777484,0.23160870413185675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514198444758439,0.1326876522832535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20274656470069674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580454684783995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822273395427711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467094743248766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417811950542433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22755184311847115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19167428543292286,0.14078405915833614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151016478457304,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,patheticgirl413,2019/04/30,"Does anyone get super overwhelmed over small things? Idk if this is a ptsd thing, but I’ll get super overwhelmed just from thinking about answering texts. I won’t answer texts for days, sometimes even weeks, especially if there’s a lot of them. I’m wondering if anyone else goes through this as well?",5.923928571428572,7.495174964285718,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,67.21428571428571,7.742857142857144,28.285714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.7859785714285716,242,8,44,3,4,72,45,56,0.021,0.7490000000000001,0.23,0.9003,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,5,5,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,7,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,7,6,1,4,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,5,2,26,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700099333264215,0.2711000398055554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063634285777646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315413464659446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22102799080597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475682545634194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764709529410751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249419002533709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092873490637496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616827204924965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35155890208154345,0.16953628511108573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122352548830049,0.0,0.2378949540908665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869326702600892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JackSpeed00,2019/10/08,"Major H Rosen. Coldstream Guards. Met with the sad news this week that Hugo has left us. Please guys, seek help. If you think someone needs help, push and push. It doesn't go away. Nulli Secundus.",0.5620463320463323,2.756666054054058,0.18494208494208664,103.15108108108109,104.67567567567568,3.1953667953667955,13.393822393822393,5.288315135182226,-1.2447420849420845,152,3,32,1,7,43,35,37,0.07400000000000001,0.742,0.184,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,5,1,6,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950877870084888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849847136485064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109878293569471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210413912308033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412480157553749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328857784906691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3447646918321775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661183227852353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124929650952106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3777986569441327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519354232147837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,carlotakerry,2019/10/08,"Why am I not angry (trigger warning) My ex was a narcissist, he mentally and sexually abused me during the course of our relationship. I now follow intensive therapy, have been diagnosed with PTSD which might be changed into C-PTSD, and get flashbacks of the sexual abuse all the time. My self-esteem is at an all-time low and I can't seem to trust anyone I date. He ruined me, and I have a lot of feelings about and for him, but not anger. And I want to be angry, he was horrible, he did things he shouldn't even have thought of doing to me, why can I not be angry at him?",6.193846153846152,4.995180307692311,7.244059829059832,77.85788461538465,66.43589743589743,10.876923076923077,31.46581196581197,10.125756701596842,2.798647863247863,444,14,94,9,6,151,75,117,0.134,0.759,0.107,-0.0849,0,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,1,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,6,0,17,1,0,1,1,21,23,7,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,5,1,15,1,13,13,2,8,0,2,0,0,10,4,0,3,3,67,17,0,0.0,0.4565355234903236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471067894959804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20380620366106256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955434165981537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127248533014555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741347526289656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065564847330308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637906087273174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415355520073324,0.20437927654258803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504128676582628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068421707774709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538825050986898,0.2009839020929047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22032076489989655,0.0,0.12799315403351685,0.0,0.0,0.15294862060149142,0.11234020047244014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363444872036613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476870502945383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,15stepand,2019/10/08,"I'm too scared to get help and I feel like an impostor for even considering being traumatized. I'm a long time lurker in PTSD subs and forums. Browsing them makes me feel understood and validated as I can relate to most of the thoughts and symptoms people express over there, but I was never diagnosed. I don't know if I have this and even if a professional told me that I have it, I'm not sure I'd believe them. I just feel so traumatized. Time didn't heal me and I feel worse everyday for knowing that another day passed and I still think about what happened vividly and frequently. I allucinate about it when I least expect and I often hate certain people's personalities for reminding me of the person that traumatized me. I can't go through an hour without thinking about it. I recently found some journal entries from the time before it happened and I just can't believe that's the person I used to be. I used to wake up every morning with a normal heartbeat, without having faced several nightmares and knowing that I could live a day without being fixated in what happened. I hate the person I am now. I just want this all to end. I can't really carry on anymore.",4.6736455108359145,6.2088290219298266,5.787956656346752,77.45363777089784,70.1842105263158,8.698039215686276,31.8328173374613,9.168548406835145,2.9453417956656347,939,42,169,19,17,312,127,228,0.128,0.8290000000000001,0.043,-0.97,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,0,15,6,2,1,11,0,15,5,2,3,4,48,42,17,0,6,10,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,4,13,12,0,0,12,0,0,2,10,3,0,0,6,5,29,3,25,32,4,22,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,5,16,125,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168946906384668,0.0,0.0,0.11055649306130423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094859800719275,0.2511956809430917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900633100839735,0.0,0.0,0.1437885291920412,0.0,0.0,0.11314810187829598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873666257997724,0.0,0.0,0.1472606976790496,0.0,0.0939252541686216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254670602593768,0.07964010147870014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223017385422655,0.0,0.0,0.058242797258104065,0.0,0.06335567233782499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957396095672634,0.0,0.0,0.22012343302830326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472153744374749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978364465834342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18379663254202136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446265386818388,0.0,0.09843735863840304,0.09865476479374943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441261377969205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597891760567554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922503979607892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545699980378332,0.3893541170219943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031213712968784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141583712072137,0.0,0.11007134709335152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160920017866743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259387189999359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890266939079344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506695429509796,0.11586861133112825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286155383161162,0.0,0.08850129759942932,0.1950116347952346,0.0,0.0,0.10652226844948623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256287277424447,0.0,0.0,0.06575277452126396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32238323512071443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136058854304061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,petewinfield,2019/10/08,"Concerned about my mental ability/processing information Hi guys. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD for some time, war vet. I’ve had something of a relapse this year, and I’m concerned about my ability to function in daily life kind of slowly degrading. The only way I can describe it is that it’s like I have a fish bowl on my head. I can see and hear everything people are saying around me, but more and more often I can’t process it, understand it or even take it in. I’m worried people are starting to notice, and mistaking it for ignorance. I know of all the usual symptoms but, has anyone else here experienced this? I feel like I’m losing my mind a bit.",5.535,5.89784430769231,6.6321153846153855,76.45663461538463,67.46153846153845,9.884615384615383,32.403846153846146,9.827888789773867,3.109384615384616,520,21,98,11,8,175,88,130,0.133,0.815,0.052000000000000005,-0.8834,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,1,0,5,0,10,4,1,0,1,19,20,7,1,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,9,6,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,5,11,3,14,18,5,9,0,1,1,0,5,4,0,3,6,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645399957039147,0.1853014269585116,0.0,0.16099417351464526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19744053991834745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355818047467126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107634113036275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944922306549995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253564340812549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144281400031813,0.12919873932991272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906918918499354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560350406544773,0.0,0.20383024688684764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883266625769788,0.0993900174100245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773917262860796,0.17670761562785492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20232404972884155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18225350638407395,0.0,0.1826061867528931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20589806818337747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754400293389474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507561958601497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21140309371711732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438185812381327,0.0,0.0,0.14411343649712194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392265870614295,0.0,0.0,0.12800602897978744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18797161522820485,0.1359761279749166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545465120545316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827044577616225,0.0,0.0,0.19917989713531326,0.0,0.0,0.14354971569315242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366119057717656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646098671808287 ptsd,flowergirl0720,2019/10/08,"Job drama causing flashbacks So I got in trouble at work today. I got a final warning for a mistake i made. I work from home, so luckily it was done over the phone, because I began shaking and crying and getting dizzy and nauseous. Now I feel drained. I am tired of feeling this way over and over. Luckily it does not happen that often.",2.05292207792208,4.491466500000001,3.6416883116883128,85.7468181818182,80.96969696969697,4.983549783549783,29.12554112554113,6.1826913282559595,1.5138813852813855,263,13,47,2,7,87,49,66,0.265,0.614,0.121,-0.8326,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,11,11,6,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,6,2,7,0,8,5,0,11,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,34,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313182281249334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412041474402143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579166343545867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20547495052671452,0.2402817901239794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374437407501189,0.0,0.0,0.2572117831632512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226732422625788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3755818144888007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076327516248508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355234163151944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330026430301389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221733163813021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698679127372787,0.22256282449956727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863732095869205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418742069557427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HlavinKitheri,2019/10/08,"I want to die (trigger warning) my twin brother killed himself in our house. I found him hanging in the closet. Ive snuggled to recover, after therapy, losing most friends. Most people think im just an asshole, or a condescending prick, because im so miserable all the time, I typically treat everyone with irritation and reaction. My girlfriend grows tired of dealing with me day in and day out. My seasonal job comes to an end next week, and Im worried I might actually follow my brother. My father doesn't talk to me, he blames me in part for my brothers death. we blame each other I guess. He and my brother and mother live 1000 miles away and don't care about my wellbeing. Ive been openly struggling for over a year, on this forum, and in church and in my community and nothing helps. I hate everyone and feel like its never going to end. It changes, but it doesn't get any better. I just gets more isolated and more angry, and much more and more people away. Everyone thinks im selfish, but that's probably because the most selfish thing you can do is kill yourself, and I think about it every single day. I wake up every night from a nightmare, mutilation dreams, horror. My skill sets are in customer service, but I hate everyone now, so I can't do that anymore. I should prob just die. What am I working towards? I don't even enjoy being alive. I just feel bad for my girlfriend, who loves me and wants me to marry her. But shed be better off with someone who enjoys life and can look to the future. fuck me",3.4732094594594614,5.398453577702707,4.614762162162162,83.06537297297301,74.03378378378378,7.168432432432432,28.056216216216217,7.9765259561132025,1.8989385405405408,1193,48,225,18,25,391,174,296,0.23800000000000002,0.6759999999999999,0.086,-0.9941,1,0,0,0,0,1,41.0,2,1,0,5,10,21,6,2,9,0,19,6,2,1,2,50,39,23,5,3,9,6,2,1,3,2,2,0,1,0,12,24,0,0,6,1,0,5,6,12,0,0,2,3,40,9,33,33,12,38,1,2,1,2,23,17,2,6,16,153,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.09362652948726477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524453102314336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514967680153193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18028321625710567,0.0,0.08010839868294302,0.11697192636685452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970757614416968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782028426127437,0.0,0.10149497396388824,0.08264640038973238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562589633885976,0.0989130216692304,0.0,0.0,0.1991473761522459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16995404381608398,0.0,0.0,0.06336944760883485,0.0,0.1616722334470303,0.3667105977941758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702332861252816,0.06854169941821169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519654898220873,0.07412532493635687,0.08869775885114277,0.10025251673011727,0.0,0.05452661874092813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056920328253264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18944770161507168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430857149153374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070534213875023,0.0,0.0,0.4145396219434937,0.0,0.09520862470782754,0.0,0.2122934319694928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776737930765546,0.04687290424849031,0.0,0.08471942805246972,0.0,0.0805679573697461,0.10733567737203817,0.0,0.0,0.08659230468867239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178036280949257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052914542134618,0.0,0.073997157429634,0.0,0.10203647050957954,0.09003600751944467,0.0,0.09205989750446902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389692101132204,0.0,0.13302959373320544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344278284094573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129219379602566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030045659208424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711535032272396,0.0,0.0,0.1097191836927932,0.0,0.06374026699300916,0.18442920399399296,0.0,0.0,0.055945135708480184,0.110272366400431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131793361251624,0.0,0.07695968858404448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06984764774347474,0.09743477517367066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178414732976461 ptsd,MidnightSporty,2019/10/08,"I committed a crime. I’m sorry for being a PTSD stereotype I’m truly sorry for making all your lives harder for being a stereotype. My crime was in the news too and it said I had PTSD. I threatened someone. I wasn’t prone to rage like this before PTSD. I’m 12 years in and I still lose it from time to time but over serious things. This was a serious thing, the person harmed my disabled child but was protected from it due to being a politician. I’m sorry, I know so many of us face discrimination under the perception that we’re violent wild cards...",1.6955405405405417,4.096202090090092,3.4319144144144147,86.93273648648649,82.15315315315316,6.222522522522524,20.96171171171171,7.492282038375204,0.8773657657657656,436,13,86,7,12,145,68,111,0.261,0.66,0.079,-0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,1,0,1,3,7,2,0,8,0,8,1,1,1,2,10,15,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,6,1,10,1,13,6,1,9,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112615316761465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114683465893236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102594327034385,0.0,0.14644860781154775,0.0,0.0,0.18554375166353826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070617743498497,0.1681458909710907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481384195055075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5816094009702053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577613500573104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052418531439131,0.0,0.0,0.5569665633774191,0.0,0.0,0.13244804169090518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22036677010806185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934169629488236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949715571742271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680197646829853 ptsd,FoxTaylor,2019/10/08,"I don’t feel safe in my work So I decide to quit it today. The boss have told something slightly crossing the lines. Like, I always date early 20’s or I like young pretty girls etc. few days ago, he said sex for Joke. Since after then my insecurities has been arise. I’m so nervous and my heartbeats is like crazy. So I decided to leave. I haven’t told him yet. But I will. I am nervous what if he says no or threaten me.",-0.5222284644194772,1.6812658314606743,1.6216011235955072,96.64640917603,92.93258426966291,3.865543071161049,17.529026217228466,5.46131890053228,-0.6074052434456934,325,9,74,2,12,108,67,89,0.175,0.662,0.163,-0.0377,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,0,3,2,0,8,1,0,1,0,10,13,9,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,3,13,5,5,8,2,11,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,3,12,43,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21675957643151167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20346712729003227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770051870366258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727136831692645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364085144095675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589201536119602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35839251489329643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248773181974178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600859376041314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23260240164212295,0.19445871205638174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022763296234076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824982537647794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317842284096255,0.4673145231366505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801950853778706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,theamazingsj,2019/10/08,"Two year anniversary and I'm physically itchy bc of it. How can I stop itching? Every autumn (especially October, the month I was assaulted in) I spend most of the time unable to sleep bc whenever I try my entire body feels like I'm covered in hives despite not a single bump. I've talked to my therapist and GP and it being a trauma/anxiety response not medical issue is the best guess for now. Does anyone have any suggestions to calm it down at all so I have have a tiny bit of peace?",2.518015873015869,4.581411459183677,4.670952380952382,80.96849206349209,77.26530612244899,8.43718820861678,25.174603174603178,9.150863307647796,2.2704181405895687,385,14,75,10,9,133,72,98,0.077,0.7929999999999999,0.129,0.7319,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,6,0,7,4,3,1,1,11,11,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,7,3,11,9,5,10,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,7,47,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319760325085408,0.0,0.18358738869942812,0.0,0.0,0.16780265371778252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518487939068265,0.0,0.2620007802230711,0.2665685381190159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21001194229073736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20219718493653413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134330985817053,0.171444884228301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643698432545321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504813358153675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724424270973716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417590084513828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19155323717424194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24015768713260666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063768185791284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192890348802636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786403541816624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993681796761068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293363647476053,0.0,0.2344298616093709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454206820091354 ptsd,SeriousPaper,2019/10/08,"Advice on bringing up things you’re ashamed of with your therapist? So I’ve been seeing this therapist that I really like and really connect with and we’ve started to go through my trauma but I’ve been omitting the stuff that I did that I’m ashamed of. The stuff I’ve never told anyone. The lies I told, the borderline stalking I did, the cheating and manipulation. And I feel like I really can’t start to help myself if I don’t share this stuff but... god I’m so ashamed of it. I don’t want anyone to know. And I know she wouldn’t judge me or anything but... anyone experience something similar or have any advice on how to actually bring it up?",1.6571210468920368,4.017988305343511,3.5524154852780825,86.25963740458016,81.97709923664122,6.79629225736096,23.860959651035987,7.957251820313856,1.4517280261723011,512,19,104,10,14,172,71,131,0.174,0.71,0.11599999999999999,-0.8742,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,3,8,1,3,5,0,9,0,0,2,1,21,23,14,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,5,0,0,6,2,14,3,14,16,0,10,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,3,5,68,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.1469188792337109,0.0,0.0,0.29423903823308084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238180808948127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158123418656845,0.0,0.12389302366092812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472705937005514,0.0,0.0,0.07612457055356088,0.10755572928362467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556324535035427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091309910127834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548096152471276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710605202030813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116116441521215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893460317591667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997195825910507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590374011950688,0.0,0.0,0.21312563684488287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5170445539341099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496093410631967,0.10002131489819023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28772138797675306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880058519196793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SPOOSH717,2019/10/08,"New here, looking for some understanding, I guess? (Post could have triggers inside) Hi everyone, so I'll start off by just saying a little about me...I'm a 33yr old female from the usa, mom of 2 boys... I've had multiple traumas, some as a child and some as an adult. This is the first time I've ever laid all of them out there in one place...so pls bear with me if I ramble or list off horrible stuff like a checklist... When I was 11, my dad did some messed up stuff to me, certainly not the worst things but bad enough to really rattle me. I spent years cutting, and when my parents split up, I left with my mom (who was my best friend on this earth)...about 6mos after we left my dads, a guy that lived 3 houses up from my mom and I broke into my home when she was at work (she worked nights as a nurse) and raped me. He had raped 3 other girls in that housing development, and he never got charged for any of them, so I ended up ignoring it all, got so much worse mentally, attempted suicide, got with an abusive guy in my late teens, swapped him out for an alcoholic...just when I broke free of years of that hell, I was finally living a semi normal life, and my mom put a gun in her mouth and killed herself. I met my first husband a few months after, we got married and I got pregnant, and while I was 5mos along, he was killed in a car accident. After his death, there were soooo many deaths, my bro in law died of an overdose, my niece died a week before him...my father died and left me with all of his debt and mess to clean up, my cousin was murdered...it was a nightmare. I managed my way thru it all, and remarried a few yrs later, we also had a son together and he raised mine to my 1st husband...he worked in construction and found his way into drugs, and after several yrs of his addiction ravaging our family, he overdosed and died a year ago. It's been hell. At some point, after all the deaths, around the time I married husband #2, I started experiencing pain...chronic pain. Never let up. It's been 8yrs of pain, worse and worse as time goes on. Tests all show normal everything, but shoddy insurance doesnt cover much testing anyways. I have always had anxiety, panic attacks, horrifically uncomfortable in new places or around new people, (hence the anonymity of reddit), I've always had depression, but hell...with my life, who wouldnt? Meds never worked for me, because my situations were the cause, not a chemical imbalance. So I was at my pain doctors last month, and he mentioned something. Made SO much sense. Cortisol. Apparently, cortisol is the stress/fight or flight hormone, which can cause hypertension (check), excessive sweating (check), panic and anxiety (check), and inflammation (check). So could a messed up cortisol level from spending literally half my life stuck in fight or flight REALLY be the thing that's making my health so poor? Is a messed up cortisol level common for ptsd patients? Especially those with multiple traumas, or years of reliving one? Just a thought. I cant have a test done, its $400 and needs done 4x and another 4x two wks later or something, my insurance wont pay for it, so it's all just a thought. But it makes sense, right? Another note, I have gotten counseling for things, long ago, but not since my first husband died. It never helped, I never even felt comfortable talking to someone about it all, even the old traumas, and now all these years later I feel silly for even thinking about it, especially since so many awful things have happened since then. But the rape is the trauma that plays over and over in my mind, 16yrs later. They all do, but that one stays stuck. Is it truly helpful to get help? Wouldnt talking about it all just make it more of a regular issue? It does affect me. All of it affects me. I still have terrible nightmares, I constantly apologize for existing, I always think the worst will happen in every situation, I'm angry and I'm exhausted. Every happy memory is somehow tied to a horrible one, every good story is tainted by a trauma. Will this ever stop? Will the damn traumas ever stop piling up on my shoulders? My kids are healthy, I started seeing a guy who loves me and understands all my problems, I'm moving back to my hometown to be close to my brother and grandfather again, I should be so happy right now, but I'm just waiting for the shoe to drop. And I dont wanna rip open all these old things if it's just gonna splatter a mess all over the good things happening right now. Anyways, I had to get all that stuff out to (hopefully) someone who will understand it. If you're still reading, thank you for your time...much love...",5.302352216748769,6.013346642857147,5.7906311576354685,81.06169642857144,68.0625,8.991810344827588,29.399168719211826,9.082995580727538,2.3086436884236456,3616,125,704,63,58,1166,396,896,0.249,0.677,0.07400000000000001,-0.9996,3,0,4,1,2,1,172.0,4,2,3,9,46,53,11,2,46,1,55,20,4,9,25,140,101,66,11,14,26,15,2,1,1,9,11,1,2,8,46,46,0,4,10,3,10,3,14,37,0,9,37,6,84,17,101,49,31,124,2,3,2,5,65,51,3,17,66,467,130,11,0.0,0.05624571240417125,0.0,0.051750709736872735,0.0,0.0,0.0841608631515596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037962770976243385,0.11849974061774332,0.0,0.0,0.032282102946022864,0.09955556680701973,0.07263080907477036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451901966145077,0.0,0.05400544201658907,0.0,0.036502489391911606,0.03963654167743939,0.028938055876514424,0.0,0.04039456871919151,0.0,0.04981818684698923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753217641077498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051299596646098906,0.0,0.075803919618213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04088694983930636,0.0,0.2463385052188014,0.0,0.0,0.04858887366412793,0.04154244306212453,0.09715921633759428,0.05563599468916265,0.0,0.055051621658040666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04204546996144057,0.04905052923380596,0.0,0.09406301183843427,0.12882149032752888,0.11998981987775713,0.045360848962152686,0.042664131691847414,0.0,0.044751704444982665,0.0,0.02400290900492812,0.0,0.045579879907752884,0.05200247441148628,0.0,0.12113715713762115,0.0,0.05204981583215597,0.036676198494768206,0.0,0.04960357619141337,0.0,0.0,0.07963332636930763,0.1898356235586716,0.0,0.052294974471214034,0.14101211234308814,0.12593610666551056,0.10106813524202764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05045975810823115,0.0,0.0,0.09545700885480952,0.0,0.04761757132433976,0.04714969913312796,0.0,0.10955098291165978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049547690087211486,0.0,0.0,0.1050398909783364,0.0,0.0,0.03869543472484742,0.05354967931734754,0.0,0.15473307632023542,0.048542607124665765,0.10059112147265988,0.02319207290787475,0.0475787006198409,0.08383603207900693,0.04201059506471251,0.03986392503976064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568937964475612,0.044918479464452515,0.09506235786201643,0.09625686798979599,0.0,0.0,0.052729898100901514,0.0,0.04783989182081375,0.0,0.047932467217723145,0.22239118986990192,0.07578225658862975,0.05045446528352883,0.13958743192616607,0.0351993577235685,0.18306391481373072,0.13754419407642052,0.0,0.044548586954523385,0.09302356409025478,0.0,0.0,0.1494393901880018,0.0,0.12867109025701498,0.0,0.20205118490864,0.1113946538140959,0.05271124624498611,0.0,0.0,0.032910613138131165,0.0,0.09919478210652616,0.0,0.04487571018841585,0.0,0.04546437056636148,0.0,0.0,0.04542361041785007,0.055491394018502165,0.047721754983394905,0.0,0.0,0.04748413329593442,0.0,0.06082264390895752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162065887995448,0.0,0.0377510726940747,0.0,0.0,0.037828469524306976,0.0,0.0,0.05362904202281505,0.0,0.11780621721422033,0.1067194308700364,0.0,0.0,0.08044453466606917,0.07309143177266109,0.0,0.0,0.1008012635855675,0.05059807557065533,0.07582126206545481,0.07937624292965377,0.05437819874549759,0.0,0.16302979825471814,0.051925882957679546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631124444602852,0.0,0.04370518300117255,0.0,0.0,0.18922688188029865,0.06083536766706396,0.0,0.07537379839532705,0.1107235565616832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04637254944524437,0.1482578514567614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536099585592483,0.03807860292049179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138238648949293,0.0,0.14513189078386915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284976175430035 ptsd,pointlessusername7,2019/06/16,"Can you 'cure' yourself from ptsd? I haven't been diagnosed with it but I seem to have a lot of the symptoms so I want to know if you can help yourself with ptsd (or its symptoms) without getting professional help? Is getting help always necessary? How can you help yourself or is it only the symptoms that you can manage? And will it get better on its own in enough time or is it something that'll get worse? I've had problems with this for quite some years but it seems to have gotte worse once I got out of the situation that caused it. Is this normal and will it pass, or am I doomed? I'm not feeling so well and need something that tells me I'll get better.",2.848585858585857,4.4366955555555565,3.531178451178452,91.60484848484847,74.92592592592592,6.094276094276093,24.865319865319872,6.574015621080383,0.6707037037037042,520,17,112,4,11,164,76,135,0.121,0.6990000000000001,0.18,0.8548,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,3,4,5,0,0,4,0,17,4,0,2,0,28,30,13,0,5,9,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,15,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,3,1,10,3,14,24,4,6,1,1,0,0,9,3,0,9,2,78,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091895026606372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23211525175469275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480396387602894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319035711841615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559024343075338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663511755298526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34279757404708194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495241870870196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.351828730358184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211768976252961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156258824026373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730148801443414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857239154007852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975007407295334,0.0,0.09980233418575313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556436169531018,0.30678941657962394,0.0,0.0,0.1395736724367261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23892416452750315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750211502801475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204644438223604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4091782751762149,0.0,0.0,0.11469621385266596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651820593084616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739975637800538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798680805035147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649597445568428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267458458428318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450443543966689 ptsd,crash--n--burn--II,2019/06/16,"Finding therapy debilitating I started seeing a trauma therapist a little over a month ago. She seems to have an effective treatment plan, which she presented to me at the initial appointment, and she seems to have reasonable goals. She said that we would work around my comfort level, and what not. However, I find myself utterly debilitated during the days leading up to and following the appointments. I can't leave the house prior, increased chronic pain, I can't shower, I can't sleep, symptoms are horrible, thoughts of suicide etc. I've needed to go to the grocery store and pharmacy for 3 days, im completely out of food at this point, but I can't handle walking there in this state. Additionally, I feel braindead from being awake for 4 days. The therapist had stated that if symptoms were bad I could increase appointment regularity, however I don't think she meant things surrounding the appointments, specifically. I'm not really sure if it would make it worse, or better right now.",7.956810477657938,9.002475220338988,8.152121212121212,65.27560862865948,62.33333333333333,11.86009244992296,38.12480739599384,11.567385478589935,4.987603389830507,802,39,125,24,11,262,121,177,0.11800000000000001,0.807,0.075,-0.8589,3,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,1,0,0,6,3,6,0,0,11,0,14,6,1,4,1,31,28,8,1,6,6,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,9,8,1,0,10,0,1,6,7,3,0,0,5,3,18,3,18,19,3,29,0,0,1,0,7,12,0,5,9,83,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514193703461238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567449335272696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178741143359101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485663527779002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480179029272617,0.0,0.0,0.1127156849467678,0.0,0.0,0.2731360068168661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744595523523985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138164735627671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580603464127509,0.0,0.17070775737840665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023224777288251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628954562992356,0.0,0.0,0.152491784872416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948252849413507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414931010494625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423451832955523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126834733773688,0.0,0.0,0.10467848458182022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021873417619105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334547457924493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904394654392558,0.14515004115521554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056153945930068,0.1342884848716032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124971340372678,0.2570384069461136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127561999780466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999234474573446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544210772614009,0.0,0.13305450954410655,0.29346698694471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144439055178342,0.3278270145205571,0.0937895107487046,0.09045838487135496,0.0,0.11207612160371233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277611026522444,0.0,0.14386802652346314,0.20057144380376912,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,motherofdoves,2019/06/16,"After experiencing SA I feel like i cant say no I was sexually assaulted about 8 months ago. And ever since then I've felt like I cant turn down sexual advances. I'm afraid to put up the walls because if I dont then no one can break them down. This happened to me the other night and I had sex at a party when I really didnt like the guy in any way or have any desire to hook up but I just didnt know how to say I didnt want to. Now I feel super gross and just angry at myself. I dont feel like the guy is at fault, as far as I communicated to him I was cool with it. But I wasnt. The entire time I felt really uncomfortable or like I wasnt even there. Now I feel like how I felt after the assault. I feel stupid and I just want to undo the entire night and forget everything. I want to go back and yell at myself to just run away.",1.3934878419452907,2.1062293670212817,4.083313069908815,89.70500000000001,77.13829787234044,7.286322188449849,18.74772036474164,7.7094869923839395,0.18610820668693007,643,10,161,9,14,230,96,188,0.17600000000000002,0.6709999999999999,0.153,-0.8152,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,14,14,3,1,8,1,15,1,0,2,1,34,31,18,0,6,9,0,8,6,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,7,0,0,9,0,0,4,11,6,0,1,11,13,26,8,25,20,0,32,0,0,0,1,6,12,0,3,20,106,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113487711919738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741247350424151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028505213803956,0.09844442761958032,0.0,0.07804372782909826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30009206185451337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456025433578915,0.11580724211469777,0.0,0.0,0.1150619065783766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32367006710487706,0.27438633698630205,0.3687763708643563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276037464086497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535326022653728,0.11321335561725407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035998171391711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752835021547674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218948074320823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240288277159033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08675402720852514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870193054239087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640340279710799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20362352295988045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059047918546588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465324510260958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392559999752579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22653992916371585,0.10162142672277567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway9908877,2019/06/16,"Anonymous gift left on porch...am I over reacting? So, I'm a single woman living alone. I just relocated about a month ago, and I'm a stay-to-myself kind of person. I don't know many people here yet. I've lived alone for years, and my policy is that I do not open the door if I don't know who is on the other side of it. If someone comes to visit, they know to text me beforehand so I know to expect them, otherwise they're not getting in. Last night, someone knocked on the door unannounced, which always gives me anxiety. I can't look out to see who it is without them seeing me, so I pretend like I'm not home. They continue knocking periodically for about five minutes, and then it stops. I wait for about an hour before I step outside to smoke, and there's a grocery bag with random gifts inside. A mug, a shirt that is my size, and an ash tray. So, I feel like this is someone who knows who I am, due to the somewhat personalized nature of gifts. But it freaked me out. There was no note or anything. I had trouble sleeping last night, and now I'm scared to go outside. I freak out about little things, and sometimes I just need people to tell me to lighten up and relax. Or, should I be a worried? Who just leaves random gifts like this? I don't know, can anyone tell me how I should feel right now? Also, should I put the bag back outside, so if they come back it's like I'm saying, ""No, thanks."" Or just toss it? Keep it for evidence if I turned up murdered?",2.2491059602649024,3.77015454635762,3.6172264900662254,90.64466092715232,76.3841059602649,6.156503311258278,23.007152317880802,6.742157984588678,0.5174581192052976,1131,33,248,10,25,371,157,302,0.10300000000000001,0.838,0.059000000000000004,-0.8662,0,2,1,0,0,0,51.0,0,0,5,0,23,12,1,1,14,0,18,2,2,2,0,52,44,24,1,9,16,0,2,4,0,3,0,1,3,3,19,15,0,3,8,2,0,6,10,5,0,1,2,6,33,7,32,38,2,39,0,0,3,0,18,15,0,10,22,160,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886018784144283,0.0,0.0,0.2310125418626824,0.0,0.08918650615392476,0.09279773818808378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531632351818044,0.0,0.0,0.07798087653632023,0.0,0.09177557651552956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715116895351273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489956499523716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213783330599107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278078689354698,0.07967348580956357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058267212053891286,0.10698494700254864,0.0633822303995066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186867314324346,0.0,0.1098296648598326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912854865098483,0.0,0.11613613071002653,0.36774735648971507,0.18181552813286786,0.0,0.11808887728704955,0.121172244180018,0.0,0.0,0.21794193626327585,0.11177735361527316,0.1969572451814443,0.0,0.09365291585545968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306885046275646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901819492878532,0.0,0.0,0.08269437803135551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093173244416004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463479222895354,0.19475866517914767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211343337308216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952417448525145,0.0,0.0886891602105207,0.1116559856347001,0.0,0.17774197948481862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116055469601396,0.0,0.28348432430820497,0.0,0.11030108156805317,0.0,0.0,0.1188708163870064,0.0,0.09323989788510334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19495553995413809,0.10267724068750796,0.0,0.0,0.07409225771860516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130718015830926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750612497859527,0.0,0.0,0.11325905606441425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181844668744894 ptsd,apeshit333,2019/06/16,"About to just give up Was diagnosed with ptsd and have been afraid of doctors and pills all of my life. Self medication is what I did for a decade. Everything except crack and H. And one day my friend had a 0.5. Xanax from his moms prescription and saw I was in bad shape and I was really really scared to take it. But I did. And boom my life went back to normal really quick. Like normal normal I could go to the grocery store, get a haircut, a shower. 1st doctor I went to went through a list of medications. Literally just making drugs off and asking if I’d want this or that. She settled on Ativan. I was ok with that. When I went back I told her the bit of memory loss kinda scared me. She switch me to Valium and therapy this whole time. 2nd doctor I tried to go through just therapy and had to resort to seeing the doctor again. This time it’s Zoloft and an antihistamine. I’d rather just have the Zoloft and my old Ativan or Valium. The fucked up thing is I don’t want to blatantly ask for this stuff because then I could be seen as a drug seeker when in reality I’m just choosing to get help now. I know what works and what doesn’t when I ingest it. I’m an adult and know the risks. About to say fuck doctors and get shit elsewhere.",2.06689002557545,3.94314789019608,3.4954816709292444,89.7487979539642,77.94117647058823,7.1014492753623175,19.32225063938619,8.04050195162591,0.6054450127877242,972,21,213,17,23,319,139,255,0.10400000000000001,0.843,0.053,-0.9419,1,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,16,12,3,4,14,1,18,20,1,1,2,42,44,24,0,9,11,1,0,1,1,0,17,2,1,2,14,17,1,0,3,0,1,6,2,9,0,1,16,5,24,3,33,25,3,26,0,1,3,2,14,7,3,4,14,140,38,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602379203697446,0.0,0.0,0.14478179131698135,0.07860627591801261,0.05738928545461111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278082348906016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033258627020166,0.0,0.0,0.06071506718827833,0.0,0.0,0.09555413976857273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4818016719104741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21835421450247688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461052265517525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273539154765622,0.17406915180409965,0.14755900357125815,0.09031146689164243,0.10700836636591747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310271329431882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347811893361893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329933291309795,0.0459939844637031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284182570996744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896802746417448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026027052833673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276723282467307,0.0,0.0,0.09878825145521196,0.0,0.06379438515174109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004925366070252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093309835448576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748670572861919,0.18850905912327465,0.0,0.07502054889607876,0.0,0.09821268445608147,0.0,0.09663742416192343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777231280466404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078454310292859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21532365066963188,0.0,0.06254506514567366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979220271713697,0.0,0.0,0.08995859019213555,0.0,0.06391757046175546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110570960091642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34908958404308216,0.0,0.1051083715570363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853792562348117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ultravires0,2019/06/16,"I'm constantly afraid Hi all, First time posting, 30/M. I'm just always scared. When I was in the yr 1-6 range in school there were a few incidents with bigger, stronger kids who liked to cause pain, especially in front of a crowd. I already had some anxiety/OCD issues and these events turned me into a wreck of a human for two decades. I'm doing ok now thanks to some tricyclics and a good diet but there are some things inside me that if I think about for too long I start to hear up. I'll get that cold wave of anxiety and the racing heart, and the urge just run. For the most part I can handle it, I'm also working through it with my therapist. But the thing that gnaws at me the most that I've never been able to ease is how on edge I am all the time. Its like im permanently stuck on hypervigilance mode. I look behind myself every 10 to 15 seconds when I'm walking because I feel like I'm leaving myself open for someone to hit me. I tense my jaw and don't even realise until it aches, I chew the inside of my mouth, I bite my nails until they bleed, I don't trust people, I feel vulnerable in a variety of ways and I'm tired of feeling like this. Thanks for reading.",3.378025720409621,4.063484097165993,4.5995475113122195,87.96457013574663,72.40080971659918,7.43119790426292,24.650869254584432,7.510576382923642,0.9365038818766372,920,25,205,10,17,304,153,247,0.106,0.7809999999999999,0.113,0.2136,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,0,0,1,2,12,12,0,2,14,1,11,8,3,2,3,29,31,15,0,1,5,0,3,4,0,0,3,2,0,2,13,10,2,0,4,1,0,3,3,3,0,3,5,7,24,9,33,25,9,29,0,0,1,0,7,11,0,6,17,128,37,3,0.1463108224183223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145763078769526,0.11700471182728815,0.12174232496765505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192737867968494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918971933825325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030151779452916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15811002116228767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663691831707172,0.0,0.12327317822146375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22193744388909825,0.20904896153986816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445191080610668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764413659570745,0.0,0.0,0.12271857617453664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649029304121277,0.17337902902485586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804079527496984,0.15271048585968205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549220353259818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285920309553954,0.0,0.0,0.12948047370713794,0.12286424150915247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128439260251036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568503073308146,0.0,0.0,0.15844036279348256,0.0,0.10143350201427913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012532382989298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635041620476374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648265737008018,0.14807436344935404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396868503847985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355955316535873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26940669560771435,0.0,0.16987814173332488,0.1944048183261424,0.09375006723358408,0.0,0.0,0.17063003430517978,0.16816276717840542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914416058083575,0.14292441370870662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613472062745205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651602127402343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,classy0kat,2019/06/16,"PTSD after surviving a campus shooting - Anyone else? The anniversary of the shooting I was in (SPU, 2014) just passed. I’ve been having terrible anxiety & depression lately and wondered why. Then I remembered. How could I forget that date? My brain blocked out so much I’d forgotten about the shooting just for a little while... At work, I got into a fight (verbal disagreement) with another coworker and cried on the job. Everyone involved m could have handled things better but I felt the need to stick up for myself. I’m glad I did, but on the other hand I feel so alone. I’m unsure if I want to keep my job because it stresses me out so much. And, I’m unsure if I can keep my emotions and mental health in check. Has anyone else survived a school shooting? How are you coping with your PTSD. Did you disclose your diagnosis with your workplace? I use to live in a city where I could go to therapy, psychologist fairly easily. I was prescribed medication and still take it for my PTSD (Lexapro) but don’t feel like it’s doing anything anymore.",3.118718592964825,5.660960708542718,4.241253768844223,82.37695603015077,77.5929648241206,7.1960804020100495,26.53291457286432,8.238735603445708,2.0632631155778887,827,33,148,16,20,269,126,199,0.134,0.7490000000000001,0.11699999999999999,0.5264,2,1,0,4,1,0,32.0,0,5,0,4,10,7,1,1,11,0,15,4,2,3,0,35,30,17,0,7,7,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,11,0,3,5,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,7,4,23,3,23,20,2,20,0,1,0,0,7,12,0,3,7,101,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471020689445578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046602660396298,0.0,0.0,0.1262621663022126,0.09211462089145864,0.0,0.11941605077572495,0.16838932065318274,0.24675203241981986,0.09908856932895832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340185467731282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064943634655157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441927970038214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884168332971461,0.0,0.132266598313066,0.0,0.0,0.10371042073835524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011770488567989,0.135446955488229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150585394460339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176754693755272,0.08602214251397082,0.11561411504196835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843274397848964,0.0,0.09630423627966987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799200635723101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389800647691496,0.21405490302357388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582964232433753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882707437271395,0.12068415665294475,0.10632573711318397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130211976081907,0.1213466724300451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770329084432237,0.08928374979250088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42226450079806255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364029832016077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186306883783893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616093913371276,0.0,0.13793119548056584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09053461295228037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770127289301248,0.0,0.07999618301985552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039970478259369,0.0,0.0,0.0710219403985807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865283037603787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058135219217354,0.08766115167051665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,barb-a-q,2019/06/16,"First post here, hello everyone Hi! I’ve just started to realize how much ptsd affects my life after I highly considered ending it all after a really tough night of flashbacks hit me. I’ll probably start to post more and ask for advice soon, but I just wanted to insert myself into this sub reddit as a start. I’m also completely new to Reddit, so I’m trying to figure that out too! That’s all for now. Thanks for welcoming me in, it means the world.",3.629238095238094,5.156040399999998,5.419841269841272,79.105,72.77777777777777,8.253968253968255,22.857142857142854,8.841846274778883,1.7150476190476185,356,9,65,7,7,122,68,90,0.016,0.89,0.094,0.8354,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,14,10,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,2,15,9,4,18,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,11,45,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998096274522556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351778486293714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115558913473787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21438709994831728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18110327393957434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953836706607936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392548094142904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160380086400398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442603404250268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22273213088394875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031191794163504,0.0,0.0,0.19748226449020054,0.0,0.19188499865134045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916591425768892,0.0,0.22045755684623228,0.0,0.23901916523796965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099128100690768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4341832513546437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825218833085888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882442476993687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060406363002145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sammom123,2019/06/16,Hey guys! I wanted to celebrate an awesome day I had. My moods were really stable all day. I’m so blessed to have the boyfriend and family I do. It get better! Don’t get discouraged. We are survivors!!!,-0.2038571428571423,1.9528409000000049,2.273571428571429,88.94000000000004,102.5,6.285714285714287,20.714285714285715,7.447530270364453,1.4266785714285717,156,6,31,4,7,53,33,40,0.053,0.568,0.379,0.9562,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,1,5,10,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,2,2,8,1,2,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35619408242113715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5194727489270691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3796709260324037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208339311470465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987795916682533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580079331396512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375486745853253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ICantCodePls,2018/11/22,"[Trigger Warning] Coping Mechanisms I've developed a coping mechanism from childhood ptsd which is basically talking to myself in a mirror due to the fact I hid or locked myself in bathrooms when I was experiencing trauma at home. This inevitably became part of my personality and I haven't shaken it since childhood and only now realising that I do it. Have you identified any coping mechanisms that have become unconscious? &#x200B;",8.883513513513511,10.804736000000002,9.15767567567568,55.7670540540541,60.621621621621635,11.325405405405405,39.12432432432432,11.20814326018867,5.3807762162162165,360,18,45,10,5,119,57,74,0.061,0.9209999999999999,0.018000000000000002,-0.4548,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,1,1,5,6,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,7,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,5,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124465074197393,0.3503985711900459,0.1961000657336764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184796980425788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892565234177677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193167880951976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122743426973175,0.0,0.0,0.2517917340588741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370866524054081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385409130891259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23177920095705035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503985711900459,0.0 ptsd,xoSilaox,2018/11/22,"‘Ruined’ thanksgiving I feel like the biggest POS. I was upset about something, and my s/o and I went to bed without talking. This morning was the same, and it caused an argument that led to me smashing my body mirror and quite literally acting like a child. I said some things about him - basically that I thought he was shit for cheating on me 3 months ago and being mad at me for being “sad all the time” and he responded with attacking my ptsd. He told me he was sick of this and that he’s been thinking about breaking up with me (we have been together 3 years and just bought a home..and I just started my ptsd therapy this year) and that once again I’ve ruined something with my problems. I feel so much pressure to get better, and now I’ve relapsed and cut. I’m almost 29 years old - I shouldn’t be cutting. And I feel like I have t hide this or it’s going to cause more problems. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, I feel like a fuck up.",2.4055612244897944,3.8933475663265327,3.696683673469391,90.3777806122449,75.88775510204081,6.53265306122449,25.51530612244898,7.1686216300943375,0.9974346938775512,737,26,161,8,16,241,112,196,0.218,0.7190000000000001,0.063,-0.9831,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,2,8,19,7,2,7,0,14,4,2,3,1,37,31,14,0,3,4,0,4,4,0,1,1,1,1,1,12,16,0,0,7,0,1,4,3,14,0,0,11,5,24,5,19,16,5,20,0,3,0,1,12,5,2,3,14,99,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142578902568832,0.0,0.13716713365098854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558361728476134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114895943719485,0.0,0.15215550892380456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814353615823513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770477445875564,0.2935787223377395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663714176317695,0.07156715309218642,0.0,0.07784971386875865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740356153744604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07528142167045912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676888659669404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933728523970128,0.0,0.10069712586704964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437389873439415,0.1458807719632487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621454927547621,0.3202479656463515,0.0,0.0,0.14569663176125516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303007258716845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060948831409814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109100225844861,0.0,0.0,0.09695617422254776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010049946498768,0.0,0.0,0.15665022430569894,0.0,0.09100438761663768,0.08777218107112772,0.0,0.10874796905937087,0.07987498414210162,0.0,0.0,0.13089164416447405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698317503225495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204522807054453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646346849838904 ptsd,engineerbpd,2018/11/22,"Guess I have some sorta PTSD Talked in group therapy last week about my problems, and we kinda got to the root of things it felt like. I haven't been able to focus in school or be as excited about it as normal cause last semester I took some really hard classes and went through my first breakup and that was a hard relationship as well. Therapist said I have PTSD cause of how stressful it was. I'm taking a break from school cause I knew I just couldn't focus. I'm just writing this out today cause I feel kind of depressed and I'm with my family for thanksgiving. Over the past months I've developed some coping skills I guess, namely journaling and playing guitar. Taking meds as well. I plan on taking some fun classes next semester that shouldn't put a lot of pressure on me. I guess I'm just sad cause I'm still not quite the person I was before this whole incident, and how I couldn't get back to it. My old self used to powerlift and enjoyed difficult courses because it made me feel smart and better about myself. It just feels like I was living life by pushing myself and I was happy about that but now I can't quite push myself the same so life has just been weird, I'm branching out in different directions. I also don't enjoy myself in social situations as well as I used to. Anyway, I'm still going to be slowly taking baby steps to get back to my old self. The realization is just kinda rough sometimes, and I wonder if I'll ever get back to ""normal"" or what. Lol. I'm also just a bit nervous about how I'll feel at school this upcoming Spring, I tried to go in fall but was met with like an overwhelming feeling that is like the opposite of motivation if that explains anything. I went to class and sat through it but I just knew afterwards that there'd be no way I could keep up like that. So I'm expecting that I will be able to live with this feeling when I'm taking classes that I find fun/interesting right now.",4.354452991452991,5.323489402564107,5.171538461538461,83.71235042735043,70.35897435897436,8.341880341880342,26.23931623931624,8.626192665926032,1.7110598290598291,1537,46,310,25,27,500,186,390,0.067,0.82,0.113,0.9384,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,0,7,35,26,0,4,11,1,25,2,0,13,1,82,70,32,0,10,16,0,10,5,0,2,2,1,0,3,22,17,0,1,13,2,0,10,8,9,3,1,19,11,36,17,48,42,8,46,0,3,0,0,13,13,0,16,26,198,58,8,0.14767866998729212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180985790340036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060763481180687265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033367233991903,0.0,0.04501177326019756,0.0,0.06283183555559305,0.0,0.0,0.06530489131196902,0.08061342959296675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792666850970378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895470063105406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359771103218989,0.0,0.0,0.07714638916702958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679190588346103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960915349948389,0.0,0.22401231837937424,0.105501671346515,0.07089734114791975,0.0,0.06748781447184964,0.06280770062475358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157340147840522,0.0,0.08392919141006347,0.0,0.05905606154604168,0.0,0.2440270566472101,0.0,0.0,0.07860334513759128,0.1322910812616743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065631793654859,0.0,0.07689230469287685,0.0,0.12037782644916227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430981198915576,0.18037084654509414,0.0,0.13040297119743616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277556209199063,0.0,0.06986856413141701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820188552914282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058937852723580736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852897045473417,0.0,0.14469374143700578,0.0,0.0,0.15496392192546826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048800034634346,0.0,0.06447365920053044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070654271368906,0.17262846240339466,0.07422892622978806,0.0,0.15707444365828474,0.0,0.0,0.047303368761161764,0.0,0.0,0.07927581218347135,0.0,0.06305838863330174,0.0702381166165306,0.0,0.0,0.22418804732257194,0.0,0.0,0.15406106031791592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299850627971768,0.0,0.07526990321930058,0.0,0.0,0.07302899037562287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793637661616632,0.0,0.0845827087581502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775899524829947,0.0593492604835947,0.0,0.0,0.08444171472708863,0.08573315909387051,0.04905557315411997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999105576715425,0.0,0.0820382180794212,0.05013206151943949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754695523838944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861022717981836,0.05922946061187584,0.0,0.1991712897207819,0.13689960660750286,0.0,0.08243898056573172,0.0,0.0,0.08007560902545978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ghostcoat,2018/11/22,"Do I really have PTSD? I'm no veteran, I've never been in a serious accident, I don't have flashbacks, I can't pin point a specific event. I am a male I was molested by a female family member at a young age of 8 but I consented at the time and I never really thought much of it. I am a former heroin addict. I did crap things like addicts do like lie cheat and steal I've been sober now for 5 years my mental health issues arose after I got sober. I feel remorse for those actions. My symptoms I am agoraphobic I can't leave the house without major panic, I panic in the house. I get what I call sensory overload and nothing seems real but it is real, my face goes numb. Other panic attack symptoms The sensory overload can last for hours like kind of nothing seems real its all fuzzy. I have panic attacks but the depersonalization lasts for a long time. hours, sometimes days. I have trouble sleeping some nights and have minor hallucinations like spiders on the wall I bolt up and turn the light on and nothing is there. traffic, stop lights and bridges make me panic, staring at computer screens can trigger the depersonalization. My therapist says I have PTSD, Agoraphobia/panic disorder. I hate the fact I decided to get my life back from drugs but now I feel I am a prison of mental illness. ",2.6486538461538487,5.155931710317464,4.4384126984127015,80.50445054945058,79.11904761904762,7.051526251526253,25.962148962148962,8.139509932561175,1.9649189255189248,1029,41,187,20,26,347,142,252,0.23199999999999998,0.649,0.11900000000000001,-0.9869,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,4,20,6,5,17,0,23,12,3,2,4,29,35,11,0,0,5,0,2,4,0,0,9,1,0,1,7,7,0,1,6,0,0,1,7,15,0,0,6,7,30,5,21,29,4,32,0,0,2,0,3,10,1,3,25,119,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922854263395019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006631309138178,0.0,0.06781449733602259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005428168333952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687678988694775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107610946098457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022751629399874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313992805485795,0.0,0.08918543561755947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921537583197044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053550375637843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707171788942261,0.0,0.0937443771318574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737034609183985,0.2035243338901591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204993285114994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183879358891207,0.0,0.14377712308278154,0.0,0.09338299769423443,0.0,0.0,0.062292886985462835,0.17234537069972142,0.0,0.0,0.07804748209123373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588690992622018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777543543184787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483154771217299,0.0,0.136038802506532,0.0,0.0,0.08276257542096603,0.0,0.253868904909446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5173737860188964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337030651117126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061843482200282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011467126541292,0.11299659535680355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013412129671343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057406310276834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825607266219171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722452005960993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373277965925862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833313046097357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239815197627614,0.05859109926905798,0.0,0.0,0.07001489947173886,0.1028513733799073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592798564323196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501430830431997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056793001978629486 ptsd,zulu1979,2018/11/22,"Calling anyone in Northern Va If anyone needs a place to go for Thanksgiving dinner, you are welcome to stop by my house. Hope you dont mind 3 little red head boys, 2 large bunnies and 3 cats. No one should be alone on Thanksgiving. Just send me a message. ",2.2329411764705887,4.472012686274514,3.1958431372549043,90.31729411764708,79.0,5.648627450980393,23.925490196078428,6.742157984588678,0.8047537254901953,201,7,40,2,5,64,45,51,0.122,0.765,0.113,0.128,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,0,8,7,2,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,6,5,0,7,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,2,1,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771754108240717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742546844616551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27327171714085857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31365068464122525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209560146194925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746571128037932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658087717557072,0.0,0.3087995549044655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268227288954355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702216657287596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19843812824073054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813474162640744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796077565825341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374375688104406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,oh_yeah_daddy_trump,2019/06/10,"Trigger warning: Ex girlfriend, Crush, Emotional Abuse, E selfharm So I've been in a relationship with a Ex who emotional abused me what caused Borderline and Ptsd. I'm completely recovered from BPD and selfharm. Yesterday I've gone through 2 flashbacks and some bad dream's. I see also some PTSD Behavior again. Those old scars are triggering me atm. Do you guys have some advice for me, how could I handle this situation with my crush?",3.50632911392405,6.652800455696209,3.9213797468354414,81.01903164556964,82.41772151898734,8.223291139240509,29.418987341772148,8.841846274778883,3.202715443037976,352,17,60,10,10,110,61,79,0.205,0.755,0.04,-0.9246,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,4,0,13,8,6,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,7,0,6,5,3,5,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,3,3,34,11,0,0.0,0.4482670597278557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18485309600083275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512778396543215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15794764823894994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23825088081838305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943279766569117,0.0,0.0,0.1983393877132172,0.0,0.0,0.15103551324466394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255778042992801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730638089005816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850033357722327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4422552933124397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030959847620908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074266182117302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263312102876664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ninjaoliver2017,2019/06/10,I think i have a non severe version of ptsd So I am 13 and last year i think you could say i went though a trumatic event I saw my mom and step dad pushing and shoving one night because of a argument . I ha dto go to court over it and my step dad only got a fucking 2 year suspended sentence and whenever i hair people arguing I start to feal anxious and all the worst possible outcomes immediately come to mind and i feal terrified and If i hair my niebours close / open thier front door i feal terried and worrie someone is braking into my house and If they argue i feal scared. Ive never talked to anyone else about this and i dont know how and even if a door slams i feal scared. Im not sure what to do im mot sure if its because all the energy drink i drink or something else.,0.439014354066984,2.6723486909090934,2.6004784688995244,91.88598086124405,86.33333333333334,5.6555023923444985,22.017543859649123,7.0608816371341465,0.7061515151515154,614,22,134,9,19,207,102,165,0.20600000000000002,0.757,0.037000000000000005,-0.9791,0,0,3,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,6,9,3,2,7,1,7,5,2,1,5,34,17,20,0,5,6,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,16,2,1,3,2,0,7,3,6,0,1,3,4,23,3,10,13,4,18,0,0,1,1,9,4,1,5,7,77,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136952435719554,0.0,0.09987765708291202,0.1463573508280707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174148936340443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304476097195098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404681112892293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167408435084673,0.2798593438019231,0.0,0.0,0.2386504348462293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434504705812156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320540820304437,0.0,0.0,0.08117975783516071,0.0,0.11424289200124878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481918507696894,0.0,0.0,0.3085853010833427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850160619725782,0.1164343732578158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422855871451648,0.16729349983200145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016768432257462,0.0,0.0,0.1340464796029422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679266983951984,0.10863691781607486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902787348214367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103161798574706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697333237602704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359279254000325,0.28601725807180484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136952435719554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210286050856266,0.10996587981865287,0.0,0.0,0.10110350254182103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26925165786810634,0.0,0.0,0.11481008008797275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305332286847212,0.14034042891861415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241491697241936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506183651150928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396967331177694 ptsd,1800fiorucci,2019/06/10,ptsd diagnosed. i was diagnosed with ptsd 4 years ago and it is from my parents fighting and yelling every single day my entire life. i have a very very very difficult time dealing with yelling. i freak out. i get suicidal. I'm so sick of being triggered every single day. my parents do not care that i have ptsd. they love getting caught up in anger every single day. they tell us (kids) that we are stupid for letting the fighting affect us. i wish i was deaf so i didn't have to hear anymore. i want to genuinely die. what should i do.,0.8792790387182947,3.407752074766357,2.2785647530040047,92.33918224299069,89.0,4.926301735647531,22.59612817089453,6.5431188927421005,0.6794277703604812,420,16,84,5,14,135,70,107,0.272,0.66,0.068,-0.977,2,0,0,0,6,0,14.0,3,0,2,0,2,8,4,0,2,0,13,6,0,2,0,12,22,4,2,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,4,4,18,2,10,15,3,10,0,0,0,1,14,3,0,0,6,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694805848589734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083919179059567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345115124265499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552519679393202,0.13601412267287302,0.0,0.2678125145338538,0.1369225972113764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334703553956169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785604644040714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486947920699056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13490744853341366,0.09318611934830688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907205091597847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29298548887845804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4626576213782216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431009782137755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153127077063294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692949242466468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173912917568943,0.0,0.0,0.3265684062461255,0.07781578121857582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517130846472914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495864803575813 ptsd,SequelOfDepression,2019/06/10,"Trigger warning: sexual abuse I dont know if I have PTSD but it sure as hell does look like it. So I was sexually abused by my own brother at the age of 9 on top of the constant mental abuse he put me through. I'm now 15 and constantly struggling with it. I have panic attacks out of nowhere that look more like PTSD attacks but I dont know for sure. Can anyone validate them or something? It will come out of nowhere and I suddenly get horrible flashbacks about everything he did, my entire body will start sweating and my hands start shaking. I sometimes have nightmares about him where I relive what happend or where I brutally murder him and give him what he deserves. When I think of him I hate myself and I dont want to do anything else than hurt myself. It has really fucked me up and I'm looking for somewhat of a validation, is it time I go to a docter or something?",2.982291666666669,4.8294661306818245,4.138272727272728,86.29157575757576,75.19318181818181,6.966060606060606,28.77878787878788,7.793537801064563,1.833063333333333,693,30,138,10,15,226,108,176,0.32799999999999996,0.5920000000000001,0.08,-0.9962,0,0,2,0,3,2,12.0,0,0,1,1,7,15,7,3,4,0,14,4,3,1,2,24,31,15,1,2,6,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,0,3,0,0,4,3,11,0,0,2,4,25,4,22,27,3,21,1,1,3,1,10,8,2,5,11,94,34,0,0.0,0.41422512617805196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814840541634376,0.0,0.09589846100523207,0.0,0.0,0.265151008286326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294442293796479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038467321317512,0.0,0.25186609473942884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019806546645436,0.0,0.409734821288364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735012577935767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047342370818764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077348256551432,0.06088478193420194,0.11179109037288004,0.06622958505047585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505428868005935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475323887009596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808929080072698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386633061690407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29358041126567125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743997529638853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672883543588504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27244660030187345,0.11714996654553204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465537155564063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942883261337975,0.1152561974677325,0.0,0.1649682925660154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218277929909639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21966591241830194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467098904327307,0.0,0.0,0.0679525561848938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873542355040083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,reasonablesaboteur,2019/06/10,"Feeling paranoid and nervous Hi everyone. I’m on mobile so I’m sorry for editing in advance. I guess this is more of advice seeking post than anything, but last week I had a panic attack at work, and now that I’ve had time to sit down and decompress, I suppose, I realize that I’ve been having them much more frequently than I first thought. Everything I’ve been experiencing in the last 2 years is just a big arrow pointing at ptsd. I called my husband’s psych. office and they told me to seek out trauma therapy first. I’m so nervous bc I already am diagnosed with depression and GAD. I have a psychiatry appointment this week, and I’m curious- do I just flat out say “I’ve been having panic attacks that I’ve told you (my psychiatrist) about, and nightmares for years, and you’ve basically just been like “oh okay yeah anyway, anything changed with the meds?”” I feel like finally now that I’ve had 4 people name it for me recently I’m frustrated and angry and have some clarity but mostly still so confused. I want to not be scared to go back to work, and paranoid about how I’m going to be perceived. I’m scared of not being able to work. I’m worried that my psychiatrist isn’t going to help me. What are the first steps I need to take? I’m afraid that all of the grounding techniques and essential oils and “aw I’m sorry”s in the world aren’t going to help me and this thought of me having ptsd isnt going to be taken seriously at all.",2.488025542784161,4.5989659379310375,4.1830268199233736,84.20280332056193,77.55172413793103,7.192848020434227,26.25798212005109,8.167268648758528,1.7975759897828865,1142,45,225,21,27,383,147,290,0.171,0.718,0.111,-0.9674,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,2,7,14,17,3,8,8,3,24,1,0,1,2,41,50,20,0,2,7,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,11,18,0,0,6,0,0,7,5,14,0,3,12,5,23,3,34,34,7,40,0,1,0,0,12,14,0,4,19,140,34,5,0.1072917738537242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484427966153294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839914042655365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658397606003154,0.0,0.0,0.2441197638039849,0.0,0.08250075136755389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955689704411233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135004703557194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241024760403636,0.10889889198743302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252188780519067,0.09642692812621208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849988923508268,0.07664926467901065,0.0,0.11753289387628085,0.0,0.27378698408984914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30488193810485104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819398508141765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383082880124645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491423146616597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483468237619592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917697355246346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788717989322104,0.07955549082340638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517675586265045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438260669597913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142540605784736,0.0,0.10275586116624838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508366841398957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593768290451024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532272494495767,0.2148355656577195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402087134446815,0.0,0.0,0.08568334919401845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067006131199413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226974939725432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035536766483966,0.06256269615169617,0.0,0.0,0.2050437756103813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632834680529331,0.0,0.17212597849084868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343290676131115,0.10896000441509676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818476932562976 ptsd,PersonInTheBack,2019/06/10,"(TW: CSA) I still struggle with consent and establishing proper boundaries, even after several years of therapy and improvements in many things I struggle with because of this illness. Every date I go on I just hit the same wall. I was sexually abused by a much older man when I was 11 years old. It occurred over the course of almost a year before he was caught, and even though I'm 18 and have been treated for my PTSD since I was 14, there are just some things I really can't seem to shake, even now. The issue isn't really what he did to me all those years ago. It was more what he said, the psychological abuse that occurred while it was happening. I was essentially trained to be completely compliant and to never say no to a man who wanted me sexually. It wasn't just him, it applied to literally any man at all. Any sexual desires that a man had because of me were my responsibility to take care of. And I can think to myself and say to myself and have people tell me over and over again that this is completely and utterly false, but in practice I still behave exactly as I was told all those years ago. It's like an instinct, and it's really tearing me up. I struggled a lot growing up as a result of what happened to me, and it got me into a lot of trouble. I had a lot of sexual encounters I had absolutely no desire to have, and I was consistently taken advantage of. The fact that I felt like I was completely incapable of not consenting just made everything so much harder. I just want to feel in control again. I want to be able to go on a date and feel like I'm able to say no to a man or a woman if they want or expect sex from me. It seems so simple in theory but in practice I just keep struggling with it. Does anybody have any suggestions at all to make the process easier?",5.965580110497239,5.466721718232044,7.180602209944753,75.81930110497241,66.62430939226519,10.775911602209943,31.912154696132607,10.355215969177356,3.069773038674034,1410,50,286,32,20,482,176,362,0.067,0.825,0.10800000000000001,0.8619,0,0,0,0,2,0,31.0,0,0,1,2,19,12,0,5,18,0,28,2,0,4,7,61,55,26,0,8,12,0,3,3,0,0,1,4,0,6,24,18,0,2,6,0,0,5,8,6,0,0,24,7,35,6,51,28,12,41,0,0,0,1,19,16,0,10,23,212,59,0,0.18041959628927792,0.2137677191720831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993108621492438,0.0,0.0903320820635118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403726849243127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998211130379464,0.0,0.07676189395550405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919749013763431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837497711242638,0.0,0.10117795931404353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894320226947561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787481626569952,0.0,0.07600564565354907,0.0,0.0810747498110384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912255688861719,0.06444589781930002,0.08661555300431398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253661434242473,0.0,0.07214901639815992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15954445315374155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415559202165016,0.0,0.08018261348080806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322158521016806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23007943334898784,0.0,0.08535869218612617,0.060215740752109136,0.09145857633097117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262916261743365,0.0,0.06957535758679725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466000823139192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254011556062493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545042658340356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337211993606202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581017587146568,0.21521535672237416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16424722437561332,0.0,0.101911394705268,0.0,0.07462247722757755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408332265411086,0.0,0.0,0.377227470671386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782654145686902,0.0,0.07884733973621827,0.0,0.10316276604025948,0.0,0.11986276291582347,0.05780279613908364,0.08863066865694552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619932798317277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21283230480393986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904607618036848 ptsd,GediQueen,2019/06/10,"Daily Nightmares - New Prescription for Prazosin I have had nightmares for most of my life and would love to not have them. Recently it was suggested my nightmares may be a result of PTSD. Have any of you taken Prazosin. What has been your experience with it, and any advice?",4.1998,6.99421538,4.3580000000000005,81.62900000000002,75.2,7.2,28.0,8.238735603445708,2.2598,219,9,37,4,5,68,38,50,0.0,0.9179999999999999,0.08199999999999999,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,2,0,1,0,8,12,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,6,1,7,5,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,2,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32840808956145096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45708433799160597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32874532635922105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23737934216492604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033203369164349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245828243135728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928530793298782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318330019296382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387376661706556,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ihatebeingscared,2019/06/10,"My FWB(M25) Of Three Months Triggered My (NB20) PTSD. How Do I Proceed After Violent Outburst? Hello Reddit! This got removed from r/relationships and was told to post this on here. Obviously using a throwaway here. A few weeks ago, I went out with one of my favourite FWB (Lets call him Alex) and things ended up getting really fucked up. We were heading downtown for some Bubble Tea and ended up using a local streetcar to get there. While we were on the streetcar, some drunk/high dude walks past us and trips over Alex's foot. Alex proceeds to give the guy a little wave and apologizes for tripping him as the guy picks himself up and walks away. I dont know why (be it the alcohol/drugs, him misunderstanding Alex, etc.), but the man stops, turns around, and stomps towards us. Then he proceeded to flip Alex's hat off, scream something along the lines of ""Who do you think youre trying to fight?"", and punches Alex in the face. Of course, in self defense, Alex punches him back and it turns into a full on brawl. Something you should know is that Alex recently got into an accident, which fucked up his neck. Sometime during the fight, the drunk/high guy laid hands on Alex's neck and Alex COMPLETELY lost it! Alex proceeds to overpower the guy and starts choking him out. Usually, one would let go when they know they have completely overpowered their victim and walk off. BUT, Alex lost all control of himself and looked like he was trying to kill the man. The streetcar driver and fellow passengers were trying to rip him off, but no one could do it. Finally, I yelled at him to stop and I guess my voice snapped him out of it. He drops him (man is literally motionless on the floor) and walks towards me, saying we need to get out and walk instead. Everyone who witnessed the fight proceeds to congratulate Alex, saying the man deserved to get his ass beat and all that. I, on the other hand, was completely scared shitless and didnt know what to do. A part of me wanted to run away and never see his face again, but the other part of me needed to stay with him to make sure he was okay (the man did some damage to his neck/head and I didnt wanna leave him alone). We proceeded to go get bubble tea and act like nothing happened. The whole time, however, I was scared out of my mind and trying so hard to hold myself down/prevent myself from having a full blown panic attack. It is a good time to mention that I am an abuse victim (Dad and Ex-Boyfriend) and have pretty bad PTSD + a bunch of other mental health problems. I have a very huge fear of men (especially those who have power over me) and have begun doing this FWB thing to help me overcome it. Ive been fucked over a lot during my journey by other men (Got ghosted, was secretly filmed when I clearly told him I didnt let first timers film, was lied to about various things, etc.), so I really thought I found someone I could finally say I trust. But after that incident, I cant even think about talking to him/meeting up with him cause all I can see now when I think of him is my abusers (specifically my dad). It fucks me up just thinking about him and triggers my PTSD, causing really bad freakouts + intensifies my suicidal thoughts. I trusted this man so much. I let him fuck me, invited him to my place, let him sleep over, hell, I even let him meet with my family. I never let anybody else do any of that stuff except for him. Now, I feel like I made a mistake and cannot trust him anymore. I feel like I cant trust any of them anymore. Im trying so hard not to let this get to me and skew my perception of men, but damn. So my question is, how should I proceed with this? He is genuinely a good guy and hes one of the sweetest ones Ive ever met. Hes an amazing friend and is very fun to be around. I understand that he had to fight to protect himself and that the person he was when he lost his cool is not really him. I understand that he did not mean to escalate the fight and almost kill the guy, but no matter what I do, I just cant stop being scared of him. Its so fucked, but I dont know if I can go back to thinking of him the same way. This is really affecting my relationships with other men and is fucking up my progress with getting over my fear of men. I love him as a friend and want to go around this as best as I possibly can. He deserves that much. So, what should I do? TL;DR- My FWB got into a brawl with a drunk/high guy and almost killed him out of self defense. Triggered my PTSD and now all I can think of is my abuser when I think of/see him. Really fucking up my trust with men and I dont know how to proceed. Please help me.",4.350799847052278,5.063906662715522,4.9592728031145725,86.16623331479424,70.19612068965517,8.012958843159065,27.25222469410456,8.103011114424296,1.5369922274749714,3605,114,756,47,62,1157,355,928,0.193,0.679,0.128,-0.9979,4,1,4,1,8,0,130.0,6,3,4,9,36,59,24,6,43,2,76,22,10,15,10,157,145,68,5,14,15,2,6,4,3,4,1,6,0,22,43,64,2,8,24,2,0,16,17,39,0,7,33,16,124,20,123,95,22,113,1,4,3,10,114,49,11,9,48,520,167,0,0.0,0.14955052739785846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03729558791412668,0.044963738436980406,0.08426099485220466,0.04357542076555596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057222797551784485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08345114306669545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236291110238072,0.0,0.047864640051131516,0.07905881017219334,0.06470379467230017,0.07025917127683322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04415350550595786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04296171158305628,0.0,0.0,0.08644207589063359,0.0,0.0,0.13233968185968292,0.0,0.047188968272219606,0.06718447607328433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792936194460352,0.0,0.04879186164393914,0.0,0.03514698103150026,0.0,0.07452920336683218,0.0,0.0938460695805823,0.05557825329762128,0.03805785759815005,0.0,0.04020299856670464,0.0,0.0,0.0396631181034634,0.09468868987782854,0.04254721586569138,0.06011458321728665,0.0,0.09217884815050258,0.0,0.035787667604735965,0.0,0.04613138244046877,0.06501170896283709,0.31116992142900457,0.15387154161659278,0.04036070114312563,0.09564527835409506,0.07057845210433343,0.1345999729097939,0.0,0.046348664802685804,0.2916154140327102,0.037205425909571335,0.0,0.07537912065193503,0.0,0.08635902601240883,0.04472212556237851,0.0,0.0,0.05640191307374354,0.1333587764371767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04544656174946589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964416505869326,0.0,0.13873485539140645,0.0,0.0,0.04454972421864454,0.0,0.34418374599388074,0.0,0.08221987861401342,0.04216866475363156,0.0,0.0,0.03533111389899042,0.0,0.13778447047879994,0.03576935515074731,0.03797294457511463,0.0398109296198286,0.02808436441201356,0.0,0.0,0.04583033734806019,0.0,0.0,0.042400156661710896,0.0,0.042482205579101436,0.0,0.03358263814193987,0.0,0.06185767522054018,0.06239388197034267,0.06489929949073409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040370624134516635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255034284894044,0.0,0.0,0.04936414562438257,0.0,0.091122924543296,0.04016388279502233,0.0,0.036736926551650256,0.04395781576068628,0.046184029847448,0.0,0.047431509827029116,0.04029474902995327,0.042803839312384684,0.0,0.04025862359955072,0.19672651506603653,0.0,0.047131909460551534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172003314588942,0.0,0.04154247063868837,0.09034231112735253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037552357173224,0.1263686339051765,0.0,0.06705420823738348,0.0,0.08778359918684549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04210384968145061,0.0,0.035648710130818065,0.06478041734285987,0.04161173243209312,0.0,0.02977981488569466,0.04484471534786135,0.0,0.10552590131394536,0.0,0.0,0.04816405112577162,0.04602154161321485,0.0,0.039653742587512635,0.0,0.0,0.03381705723416796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385522135358428,0.18871284142137645,0.0,0.06680326268546563,0.04906675125793918,0.0,0.0,0.08040599713340928,0.0,0.1428256038791194,0.09152769584992518,0.0,0.08759992116537943,0.10121839539837194,0.07267592974528715,0.046337977304006066,0.06943002938121931,0.049632039165384084,0.033395957942818424,0.03374879557285067,0.0,0.0,0.03900252331923073,0.03796475780856808,0.04697352083920953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029887782196378405,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MilkyGrav,2019/06/10,"Fuck you to whoever robbed me at gunpoint when I was 12 I feel like my robber took everything from me. He came out of nowhere, no warning, no signs, and ruined my life. I’m now 19 years old, and me and my mom got robbed at gunpoint in our own driveway in 2012. I was just a happy kid on the way home from a lacrosse game. It was just me and my mom, and it was 9:30 at night. Behind my old house, we had a very dark alley and little carport in the back. When I got out of the car and grabbed my bag, right as we were opening the gate to our yard we saw a man in a ski mask coming towards us. At first we thought it was a neighbor or a joke or something. It just felt really weird. Then he pulled out his gun and pointed it at us. At this point all I could think to do was to try and fight him off with my lacrosse stick and protect my mom. I started hitting at him with the lacrosse stick when he turned around and pistol whipped me in the head. He took my moms purse and ran off. He ruined my life. Ever since that terrible night, my life has been full of PTSD, anxiety, depression. I feel so much hatred to the punk who robbed us. I feel like he robbed me of my innocence and fucked my life up. I apparently was living in the “safest” neighborhood in my state. Bullshit.... What might terrify me most is that I still don’t know how he got there. He either followed us home, or was waiting in the dark for us. Each one scares me to think about....",2.4000187158076614,3.4988238708609285,3.284511949323353,94.9009861790959,75.19205298013243,6.576677224301755,23.72646127267492,6.895973343053719,0.4877265764468763,1107,32,263,10,23,352,160,302,0.133,0.792,0.075,-0.9673,2,0,1,4,1,0,40.0,11,1,0,1,15,13,3,1,16,0,17,7,1,1,2,50,42,23,0,1,7,4,5,2,1,1,4,0,6,2,10,27,0,2,8,4,0,8,3,9,0,2,21,6,47,4,42,18,7,55,0,3,1,2,33,30,2,5,17,173,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735318783781555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837755739806508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770016900211888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069853518496624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584184974081562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029572851972686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583190791134252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964056526521925,0.0,0.0,0.07912799850047335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355261708831753,0.12579687061366504,0.08453575699236862,0.0,0.0,0.07488992437933474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278995981466124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124976424855796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372415348376807,0.0,0.0,0.09035823455963964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663001509385154,0.0,0.0,0.10159060629863527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048386513774302836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24875147009638354,0.08602740698120688,0.08824291511411797,0.07774419820081477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340044994533404,0.0,0.4124628590977916,0.0,0.0,0.06472224832744697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524609230049445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847741006132237,0.0,0.05966068822430124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645950533549395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029183712069843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056403047304282486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518883686643793,0.0,0.0,0.08814710085424432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283065664621302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778033999939283,0.0,0.0,0.06231778246775505,0.0,0.07031181080108273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282969301482434,0.0,0.0698968614840004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956395756275095,0.05977589147231595,0.09576626083210513,0.0,0.0,0.529528639649217,0.0,0.0,0.0726452713745225,0.0,0.06988498922411311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669725476308304 ptsd,FiggisCyril,2019/06/10,"Trigger warnings : rape, violence She didn't forced me physically, she saw a psychological weakness in me and she used it to manipulate me so hard... It's been just over ten months but I still sometimes dream about plugging her eyes out or ripping her guts open. I feel so much anger and violence locked up inside me... My way of coping with it is to dissociate myself from my emotions but I fear so much one day I could snap, risking to hurt someone who wouldn't deserve it or someone I'd care about...",4.727025036818852,6.068371628865982,5.385419734904271,81.13288659793818,69.82474226804123,8.017083946980852,31.382916053019148,8.418075326091056,2.316141089837997,396,17,77,6,7,128,71,97,0.27399999999999997,0.653,0.073,-0.9759,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,2,1,0,5,4,2,3,0,16,9,9,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,6,0,2,3,4,16,1,12,4,2,9,0,1,2,1,6,5,0,2,3,54,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552904662334163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19991695963331602,0.0,0.0,0.16148157811103986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28165634325058403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817596578618677,0.126605289404255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243012895438819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680489059566193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985982793046286,0.0,0.3681326128549794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967152415365316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243112195399841,0.0,0.24764325091483702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996269670525954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21625756071021515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19874884098784254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TupacsBoat2,2019/06/10,"Help, my boyfriends PTSD is bad. Disclaimer: I’m on mobile. I’ve been dating this incredible man for almost 2 years. He’s had issues from time to time. His triggers are financial stress, he has severe abandonment issues, and more. The other day I came home and he lost his shit. Just started screaming at me about money. We just moved (this is our first week here) and I’m now the main provider. He’s always been the main provider. I haven’t gotten my first paycheck. But we are fine financially. Maybe not super rich but we can afford the essentials and some more. Anyway, he’s panicking about things that, in my perception, aren’t worth panicking over because they’re out of our control. I didn’t not tell him this. I gently reminded him his feelings are valid but I do not have answers. We have a roof over our heads. That’s not even at risk. We have food. Again, not at risk of losing that. He got caught with weed in a state where it’s illegal. It’s his only medicine that helps. So now he’s terrified he’ll go to jail. This has caused his PTSD to be out of control. He’s also stopped smoking so he can pass a drug test for court date. Fear of jail. Fear of losing me. Another trigger. Fear of financial instability. Boom. All triggers. So it got ugly. We are still trying to determine whether it’s a traffic violation or misdemeanor. He wasn’t even arrested. Back to the other night when he’s screaming at me. He’s demanding answers I cannot give him. HR for my job is closed by this time and they’re the ones who can tell me when I get my first paycheck. He starts telling me he won’t last the night “just you wait and see”. He tells me how he’ll blow his brains out or stab himself to death. He told me 6 times how he’d kill himself. Even wrote out a will that isn’t even valid. I walked outside to remove myself from the situation because I’d tried to talk him down and failed. Any word I said was wrong. Even if it was acknowledging his feelings. He came out screaming “FUCK YOU! I’ll blow my brains out!” I gently informed him if he kills himself, he’ll be signing the death certificate for me as well. I was hoping this would snap him back to reality. Now he’s obsessed with saying I threatened suicide. We’re in the south. Everyone hunts here. There’s guns everywhere. So clearly I’m concerned about his well being. I told him let’s go for a car ride and I’ll drive. By this time he told me he’d drive the car into a tree going 100mph. I ended up calling a mental institute to see what needed to be done because he was such a threat to himself. I’d never seen him this out of control before and I truly believed he was a threat to himself. Police came out and an ambulance. Now he’s mad at me that I’d rather betray his trust and ensure his safety than ignore the several suicide threats he’s made by this time. The police were nice to him. He ended up hurting his foot because he walked off into the woods and apparently was going to walk to a gas station to cool off. He stepped in a hole and hurt his foot. He told me he was running from the cops. Anyway, the police and ambulance determined he needed to get his foot checked out. He wouldn’t allow me to take him. So an officer offered to take him. He said sure. He didn’t have his phone with him and so I gave him my number on a sheet of paper and told him to call me if he wanted me to be there. Never got a call. He’s now accusing me of abandoning him at the Er. I got him when he called to say he was done. It may have taken longer than he’d like but I got him. I had to take care of the dogs and some other things. He’s accused me of stealing his car and joyriding. I was getting dog food for our dogs and their meds. By this time it was 11pm and they still hadn’t been fed due to the events from the night. I took him to Walgreens to get his meds after the hospital. He demanded the keys. I told him no because he’s not in his right mind and doesn’t need to be behind the wheel of s car. Long story short, he’s out of control and has been for days. I had a job interview yesterday and he threatened to turn around several times and not take me. He knows full well that I need that job and it could be our saving grace. He also threatened to drive until we ran out of gas and we’d go to Dallas. Hell no. I will not be held hostage by him. He got psychological abusive and emotionally abusive to the point I got out of the car at a red light because I will NOT be a victim of abuse. I’ve asked him to stay with friends while I’m at home with the dogs. We need space until he calms down. He needs to see that his actions are not okay. He keeps blaming it on his brain injury. Says he doesn’t remember saying or doing all that. I’ve told him we will not discuss anything until we’re at a therapists office because he’s beyond irrational and has been for days. I’d also love some advice on how to handle this. I’m not a professional. For right now, he’s staying with friends and I’m at the house. I’ve told him I’d like it to stay like this until he calms down. Tl;DR my long time boyfriend has been having PTSD issues for days, to the point I don’t recognize him and talking won’t work. He’s become incredibly irrational, psychologically and emotionally abusive, and I’ve tried to talk things out. I love him beyond belief. What’s the next step?",1.214459491565691,3.4095075355191256,2.727823394313773,92.51116963649322,82.47905282331513,5.640624059554923,21.114310604260712,6.895973343053719,0.40452038330561546,4166,127,906,50,115,1358,395,1098,0.2,0.7040000000000001,0.095,-0.9993,6,0,1,1,1,2,117.0,15,2,2,13,52,57,11,7,50,2,81,15,8,13,6,151,160,64,6,15,27,0,2,3,2,12,1,10,2,1,41,67,3,11,10,0,4,30,30,33,4,4,58,19,126,24,137,75,10,147,2,8,5,3,169,56,3,12,60,551,167,10,0.0,0.2047991881370229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0422267966874136,0.0,0.0,0.043271119561419116,0.0,0.0,0.10367116456137816,0.035956297282673466,0.0,0.0,0.02938601091578925,0.04531211888225351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03556024076570511,0.03846832467073195,0.040397894240527116,0.0,0.0,0.06645555610288068,0.03608066823728618,0.1843937549866517,0.047724858470199305,0.03677069115681645,0.048685737972501315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471846698571655,0.1764993505461791,0.1482709109836856,0.044058067335448634,0.04439118488408168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938661646868796,0.034501699178102266,0.0,0.0,0.1114740608502902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844286868919192,0.0,0.0,0.05011283055753927,0.0,0.0,0.09721658877025588,0.07654697349254322,0.0,0.0,0.14270738481515108,0.0,0.0,0.041291436464968856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458783733091819,0.04369912004858485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026970045618953,0.10450555652870816,0.0,0.06677180672640735,0.039949299488123584,0.09030708029525317,0.04145340861000288,0.12279341949393599,0.0,0.2419271260487469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04434853571744736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792891309644602,0.0,0.0866914074996972,0.042919805308810455,0.0,0.0498614725481211,0.0925198415912034,0.0,0.0,0.13530800309287036,0.12864534273144246,0.03840929352470431,0.09561655224394194,0.0,0.02374848340962303,0.035223989871938234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04418775273814799,0.0,0.06333439696634299,0.0,0.0,0.07648348109258088,0.0,0.09668756407458916,0.04717159508384307,0.0,0.07800201398955757,0.04088875281979352,0.0,0.0,0.04341280738916785,0.0,0.09599878692986122,0.0,0.04354807942986896,0.0,0.04363234970274001,0.0,0.0,0.045928094277227084,0.0,0.19224931759056704,0.06665635393082295,0.0,0.0459570294886404,0.12165613232051467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02928193734126745,0.0328650860205935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169964092212577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153945017955822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489513871948906,0.07380655086003585,0.08221004752464221,0.13745739379193755,0.0,0.0,0.10330440556127134,0.0,0.0,0.14645362016106692,0.04435705418901898,0.0,0.048572708626159485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117212039549552,0.13817646299468134,0.06901918497781359,0.036127620698770416,0.049499821761550315,0.0,0.0,0.09453501625700972,0.0,0.040727310176473706,0.0,0.12996181723141076,0.1041978150883474,0.15107866825993954,0.0,0.0,0.05017309278112124,0.0861254798950495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22677823084181545,0.0,0.0,0.33033149171975085,0.04801072503102174,0.08801544001789427,0.04700283775725788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025487877333627038,0.0,0.03466249528262018,0.0,0.11655979674742699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031459245807190776,0.0,0.0,0.0306969505668329,0.04724613191800128,0.0,0.02782746077538933 ptsd,StormWalker1993,2019/06/10,"First time going to see a professional Im about to go for the first time to the doctor and request a mental health specialist after yet another burst of suicidal thoughts and finally revealing that im often always on high alert waiting for something to happen, disconnect well easily, get really angry really quickley over small things (but im good at burying that shit), that all the normal things in life JUST ARENT ENOUGH. Nearly died several times and have had an extreme life so far and now all the normal people with their boring lives and useless satisfactions piss me off. Living with a bear crossed with a chimp that looks like a cat made of blue, spikey electric inside that i MUST keep in a box, but that just pisses it off even more. I’ll probably have to go over the list of traumatic events to somebody who understands theoretically, but honestly has no fucking idea. How to explain that i feel normal when things go wrong. I know what to do because Im constantly waiting and preparing for it. But this fucker, what the fuck will they know? With their cushy job, boring happy life and university papers. So, without screaming and trashing the world, anyone else been to see a doctor for this? Where do I begin when explaining the situation to them? Did you hate the idea of them? Did they actually understand?",7.833015873015872,8.191705637860082,7.68957378012934,70.84712962962966,62.58024691358025,10.893474426807758,33.40652557319224,10.608840637214634,3.624521693121693,1062,39,178,24,14,340,151,243,0.16899999999999998,0.741,0.09,-0.9791,2,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,6,2,14,17,7,0,17,0,12,12,3,2,3,42,37,17,2,4,7,0,1,1,0,2,6,1,0,0,17,12,0,3,11,0,0,5,3,12,1,2,6,6,12,5,34,29,4,33,0,1,4,3,11,14,6,1,15,124,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.09553862383229868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146264302826538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265920699065052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684556373069578,0.10031258259468853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968039685601258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579771839051824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160723868327667,0.0,0.0,0.20041451819956144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817848960825109,0.0,0.0,0.1011593544211369,0.0,0.06466361458356243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049502397162604836,0.0,0.0,0.10724729828484797,0.0,0.16655146986681815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101839006645914,0.05114996538146123,0.0,0.22256076969916053,0.08211589163012377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657477263815977,0.10421892967655516,0.0,0.09665835527396016,0.0,0.10406567745975208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343926517074307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210397950661664,0.4230055863581894,0.0,0.09715302950312707,0.08702015512811463,0.0,0.0,0.10760920187368962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074540900500468,0.04783016941296536,0.0,0.1728992329912934,0.0,0.08221336211262485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263762196211753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866259646460987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877707081752907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787319995647705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555535030646997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543757403082814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560310812378006,0.0,0.0,0.11060184984738128,0.1004954109367294,0.0,0.11004640418398974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537005377245813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708933990718536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951260211576157,0.0,0.0,0.07772357306886273,0.1712630374628939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038397108111704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802601891248657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943744239189655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070409099314328,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AcidicSoapBox,2019/06/10,"My girlfriend has PTSD and I need help to understand any of the emotions she and I are experiencing. She has PTSD from childhood molestation. Parental abuse and shame. An overall tough life scraping by. She has 2 children and 1 was taken by the father and she never sees him. She was raped by people she trusted a few years back. She has been in verbally, mentally, and physically abusive relationships. She met one guy years ago and fell in love. He passed away a few years back. She lost the love of her life and the one man she trusted in that way. She is still very much hurt and stuck on that. So now I come in. I am a very sensitive person. I cherish the little things. I listen and im attentive to my partner. She isnt used to that. She fell for me really hard and quick. I tried to hold her back but I gave in and was all in love and happy. Then we had a couple fights stemming from my own insecurities and hers along with the situation we are in the one of her sons fathers. (!Hes constantly trying to get back with her and she cant just stop talking to him bc her child lives with him currently). After these fights that to me were nothing to ruin a relationship, she starts backing off. She decides she wants to use protection and not have my kids now and came out of the blue with it and that hurt. Then she didnt want me going to her kids school stuff. I went from being able to talk to this girl about anything and touch her whenever I want, all the way to she wont touch me and she wont talk to me without being cold and defensive. I didnt understand anything and I was getting hurt by all this. I do alot for her and she knows that. I never hold it over her at all. I just want the intimacy and relationship back that we had. Finally the other day we had the biggest fight and everything was on the table. I felt used and lied to. I felt hurt by what was happening. I've given her my all and I thought we were in love. For some reason she finally said something that helped me understand that it wasnt me. It's not that she isnt attracted to me. It's not that she doesnt love me. She is dealing with something in her head that she isnt ready to tell me or cant even describe. I want to be there for her. I want to be with her. How do I be supportive in the best way. I dont want to suffocate her or make her feel pressured. Is there a way for us to work through this and get back to where we were? I may have missed a few details but I'm writing this on the fly, any actual advice is welcome and appreciated.",1.2118504248883752,3.3009150438931307,2.8807345527869828,92.01860795045371,81.76717557251908,6.321129194872532,21.718853521532477,7.498158380483773,0.6991594843727498,1969,62,442,31,53,649,223,524,0.11900000000000001,0.7709999999999999,0.11,0.8387,2,0,2,0,4,0,50.0,7,0,0,3,20,30,6,3,24,0,47,10,1,6,7,94,93,37,0,8,10,4,6,0,2,3,3,2,0,9,26,45,0,5,11,0,0,7,18,17,0,3,28,12,91,13,68,57,13,60,0,7,2,6,92,21,0,5,28,329,117,2,0.06718371659230434,0.1592034363984887,0.06556161602645923,0.0,0.0,0.06565115029888406,0.059554311125578185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137446222115002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057294866364648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06312131329118208,0.3616209173930307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050516565769807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684027383527793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057872822991454215,0.0,0.07260173018370064,0.0,0.0,0.07433750455467239,0.0,0.043327939231835706,0.06926346177956975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873881548796847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557263848530629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04437421118449522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038039244210953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03397010575388666,0.0,0.12901380748457794,0.14719295522549225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530215704150647,0.0,0.03818205438876299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652244203525721,0.059410338704943375,0.07151831558864173,0.06018341383991766,0.0,0.06894987572641037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900636581197112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876862325549552,0.0,0.07256994270333837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036922413633152434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490769177537997,0.0,0.06733573382112436,0.059324452613751626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333896297207303,0.0,0.303179636259887,0.0,0.044845652515472234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770538454625982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938776195285083,0.049815874571411775,0.1036324479614725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644645880251725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657627527359112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459956661893374,0.0,0.0,0.04657672986628545,0.05866222993164805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570683389127615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04303960918641297,0.06907605008908645,0.0,0.21639050644825267,0.0,0.0,0.06390709939557658,0.0,0.0,0.06799350795885807,0.053536723818956765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551731233713001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034426146643522,0.0,0.0,0.047552980396724585,0.0,0.05365300285535888,0.05616859535885686,0.0,0.0,0.0769092819348206,0.0,0.07623928542588533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199917956882132,0.05872152954385069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04463387602750011,0.0,0.0,0.05333636648032323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122666702238888,0.0,0.0,0.20982185500083256,0.08081373894769968,0.17407548077900473,0.0,0.11086720447329332,0.2773868770135147,0.21330922834547889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062279978365920224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476270533846391,0.0,0.048910545833400335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979233234231516 ptsd,-Flurgles,2019/06/10,"Odd feeling of shrinking and growing after a triggered anxiety attack. I wasnt even sure I was having an attack, but suddenly I couldn't form images in my mind. Only squares and cubes. I could only feel one part of my body at a time and only if I really focused. The part of my body would feel like it was shrinking and growing, and I couldn't get full breaths in. I just kept wrestling back control of my mind, trying to remain conscious. This happened once before but not this badly. I'm not sure at all what happened. I mentioned it before to my psychiatrist but didnt get much of an explanation.",4.085301318267419,5.611430788135596,5.023333333333333,82.40010357815444,71.62711864406779,6.9393596986817325,29.21280602636536,7.3871296695380915,1.78683879472693,475,19,88,5,9,155,69,118,0.094,0.773,0.133,0.767,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,2,0,5,0,9,3,3,2,3,28,18,9,0,5,7,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,4,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,5,4,13,3,12,9,6,11,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,5,65,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296332066175865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359805097431653,0.0,0.11354527002132235,0.12329410685270972,0.0,0.0,0.2513040775587094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280450521487092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16561885347322902,0.11789848672118003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753133969889806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239915821904768,0.10549190535417198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429773548335826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611593432846434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214166004969358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981991104546712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855076539760247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725840551110976,0.10006162545730413,0.3369176591379558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31981360984475665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459798004329546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783450295154117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610464886747744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025484187161993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048969791343342,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,communistwitch,2019/06/10,"Prazosin experiences Hello everyone, My psychiatrist wants to try and put me on prazosin for my PTSD induced anxiety and nightmares. Does anyone have any experience with this medication? How did it work for you? Thank you!",5.3108108108108105,8.964510351351349,6.1122162162162175,64.42129729729731,80.62162162162161,9.446486486486489,34.42702702702703,9.3871,4.796063783783785,181,10,25,6,5,59,32,37,0.043,0.878,0.079,0.35100000000000003,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,6,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,17,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141679960119895,0.0,0.2153322701557625,0.0,0.0,0.1968181290620643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463260064520234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26896725253762804,0.0,0.5506850532838811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28356259375568205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3290363414735168,0.2829662499233005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25914997762250336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911071891996099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660248450125437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20492159237048188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Vampire_Adven5,2019/06/10,"Hey guys , i am a college guy graduating next year , don't know do i suffer from PTSD or not , wanted your views on it I am a from a city in India named Calcutta (former British India capital ) , my father is an workaholic, he destroyed my mother's teaching career , shouted and had arguments whenever possible with her to show his dominance always like always I was a kid in junior school I literally used to cry at 3 am in the morning just to make them stop from shouting , I was such a kid that I had never seen 1 am in the clock before always went to bed at 11 but for crying to stop arguments at 2-4am in the night was becoming as if a routine for me As a kid i damaged things like toys toothpaste soaps (I guess Evey kid does that ) but my father (he is not alcoholic, but workaholic) kept shouting at me I grew fear against him was scared of him even till now I don't open my mouth infront of him or even argue with him because that image will never cease to exist from my mind , BUT I AM VERY FREE AND DO CARELESS STUFF INFRONT OF MY MUM , she is very supportive . He stopped her from teaching and believes woman should only work on household stuffs , abused her maternal and paternal sides like used slangs . I never abuse anybody referring to their parents ( my mum told me never to do so ) and after seeing what it can do I never ever did . I was just asking are there any one of out there in the whole world who experienced the same trauma as a kid and still gets haunted by that. P.S - he is a guy who supports the family so I never question his qualification , but after I graduate I am willing to cut ties with this shit Thanking you Vamp",5.75778172424927,5.705606331288344,6.557407168227317,78.60930739425253,66.97546012269939,9.194446238295123,31.57507265095253,8.841846274778883,2.4938306748466257,1288,47,249,19,19,427,185,326,0.168,0.748,0.083,-0.9839,1,0,1,0,2,0,27.0,0,2,2,1,12,17,4,2,16,0,29,3,2,3,7,46,45,20,0,3,12,6,0,3,0,3,1,3,1,9,13,11,1,4,3,2,1,2,10,10,0,1,12,7,42,8,44,30,2,38,0,2,3,0,41,16,1,5,23,181,55,9,0.0,0.23194357697777496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460394732966667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443319902529991,0.0,0.0,0.06656175297292544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150458239364308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966673639539241,0.10810076431484628,0.08328866644872457,0.11027723611471923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21503315659134734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565544312947608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292976269926384,0.08853805911304452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227254808538693,0.11014220650911573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05113825748197285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782584945901827,0.2907497508345378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05379228540827929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434576641805381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533565663937972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883089238837828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4529465170145393,0.0,0.10409648498935004,0.0918537446311313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663260176913256,0.07444214675498212,0.0,0.0,0.10868415100838597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034498749847096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441647611863105,0.0,0.10964799516544033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799495018758887,0.09905978039173824,0.07799768336129934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004724081807839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816709035552483,0.2454961755110869,0.0,0.0,0.22409835312981727,0.0,0.22214611654045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011474870223553,0.0,0.0,0.06502711935368258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352852967197928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907377792586206,0.0,0.1615224932123773,0.05773215696906859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073573588030358,0.0,0.10927951879802933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125780202469283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303150758717023 ptsd,Yikesihopeitsok,2019/06/10,I was raped a month ago today just looking for someone to talk to idk it’s really messing up my life,6.697272727272729,4.235596000000005,8.008181818181821,76.83227272727272,66.27272727272727,10.618181818181819,35.63636363636364,8.841846274778883,2.924763636363637,80,3,17,1,1,28,21,22,0.261,0.7390000000000001,0.0,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,4,1,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38505239416682857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306816024333643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36477049314013305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467186319402199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782754807840462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680494651655954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34913885475340284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117422332546257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RuthCarter,2019/06/10,"Feeling Triggered - Overall feelings of pain and frustration I'm a rape and incest survivor. Ugh - I hate days like this where I have invasive thoughts. I have emotional pain, and I'm angry at the predators that live in our society and and cultures that perpetuate their behavior. One of my night meds helps me sleep, but I wish falling asleep was like turning off a light - something I could do voluntarily and instantly.",6.046400000000002,8.33074210666667,5.962333333333337,74.57950000000002,67.93333333333334,9.266666666666666,37.83333333333333,9.725611199111238,4.166733333333333,338,19,55,8,6,106,57,75,0.21,0.613,0.17600000000000002,-0.431,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,1,0,1,8,3,0,3,0,5,6,2,1,0,13,13,7,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,1,2,3,9,2,5,10,0,7,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,4,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18647548255350235,0.0,0.0,0.15062431550073976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627190940590656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361858891690537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305882229400836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654768143007514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22820735437922485,0.0,0.20623425036648865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594280940322282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21917650937473368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826360805092995,0.0,0.4970401582940439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337246978943306,0.0,0.0,0.17980283973414246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854173965996609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540418895580537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685779041625624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ajd9fjwjwydje,2019/06/10,"Advice for anyone who has not yet been diagnosed with PTSD but knows they have it... Guys, it took almost 6 years of telling doctors my textbook symptoms of PTSD to actually diagnose me. They always said ""you have the symptoms of PTSD but I don't want to diagnose you"". Finally, by telling my new psychiatrist ALL my textbook symptoms of PTSD, I was diagnosed. Hey, too early to get on disability with my uni cuz they need proof I have had it for at least three years. I've had it for at least 10 fucking years but because of resistant ass doctors I had to practically beg to be diagnosed. My counselor said ""you have PTSD."" I was like ""I know, but no one will diagnose me."" She was like ""sometimes psychiatrists...need a little budge. Sometimes they are resistant to diagnose. I dont know why."" So I pushed my doctor, gently, and he was like ""you have symptoms of PTSD, but I care more about helping you than giving you a diagnosis"" GIVING ME A DIAGNOSIS WILL HELP ME it will give me validation, make me know I'm not crazy, get me on disability, etc. So he was like ""you want to have the diagnosis?"" And it felt like I was ordering off a menu. I was like yes. So he did it. So it was a fight. And because I didnt get diagnosed with it like 6 years ago it put me through unnecessary HELL I'm not even going into the details. Be insistent people. This is your health, don't let some stupid psychiatrists biased opinion stop you from getting the help you need.",2.8383694474539567,4.968497950704228,4.375633802816903,83.14666847237271,76.53521126760563,7.8903575297941515,27.120260021668468,8.730908602173464,2.1417609967497286,1134,46,227,25,26,378,133,284,0.084,0.7290000000000001,0.18600000000000005,0.9868,0,0,0,0,1,0,49.0,0,10,4,0,9,12,4,0,9,1,32,18,1,2,2,32,57,13,0,4,8,0,1,7,0,3,16,2,0,1,12,7,0,1,5,0,0,4,8,4,0,2,18,3,41,8,30,33,6,22,1,0,0,2,32,7,3,3,17,152,53,5,0.0,0.0,0.0658124274885303,0.0,0.0,0.06590230428182534,0.05978214113879834,0.0,0.06753215284269655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05611609286661368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047156128963647584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222249040278097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876032252939826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.547607399383377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207085345448502,0.0,0.0,0.0790400374320144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521424504562918,0.04454396845193265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475368031403718,0.07387802711185983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062347871428685114,0.14093999903608445,0.1940858906223542,0.03832812304091852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677692921782863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168634607807008,0.0,0.0,0.13561230629892831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825465369570465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689627192902246,0.0,0.23063695089917186,0.0675933323196496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045017213321270524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001289875727366,0.0,0.06513468069904149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04569958642400986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046754913053709296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4730076510591905,0.06779656445944136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283031627309577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340121984472295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638347303238383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803869789590057,0.0,0.0,0.11789234736253584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492913642508267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955658393757314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06085477228131955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17371848506395368 ptsd,john-freakin-wick,2019/06/10,Chatroom Hi guys ! Can we make a support chatroom? I don't know how that can be done but I feel like having one would benefit a lot of people :),-0.41000000000000014,1.8136790000000045,2.6750000000000007,89.2425,92.33333333333334,7.0,20.833333333333336,8.07648339933343,1.4273333333333338,110,4,24,3,4,39,26,30,0.0,0.622,0.37799999999999995,0.9245,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,0,8,11,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,3,1,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804576090025293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879819478450591,0.2655980236815388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36811831908315257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20431927071957495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163177800206698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160720586571294,0.0,0.0,0.2481644647596251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25192615375177024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577438076864307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218888654779536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641001719961915,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tauredi,2019/06/10,"I relapsed again into my triggers... I thought I was past this... I thought I was free. I’m never free. When I relapse... when the trigger happens... I can feel the pressure tighten around my skull like a vise and my blood boils so hot it feels like my skin moves on top of it trying to get away. My heart thrums so hard it rattles my teeth. My pupils swallow every color that makes my eyes mine until I’m not even me any more. And all I can think is fight, run, fight, run. I lash out verbally. I push away the people I’d carved out a loving patch for in the barren plot of my chest that feels so utterly unfillable. I rip their love out at the roots and scorch the earth. I cry when I come to and look at the tattered remains of those precious relationships. I look at my bruised knuckles and cut palms and it isn’t enough punishment but it’s just enough to remind me I’m still feeling and I deserve this and l may never ever find a way out but through pain. The fear, the anger, they burn in me like an unquenchable inferno. The rage. God, the rage. I feel every time like it will burn me down to nothing but even when I am a pile of ash and all that is left of me is a hollow wind, I’m still here. Why am I still here? Why does this keep happening?",1.0332307692307694,3.0411463230769242,2.28846153846154,96.46653846153843,81.92307692307692,5.230769230769232,20.76923076923077,6.297961479604792,-0.0029230769230768057,964,28,222,8,26,308,143,260,0.135,0.763,0.102,-0.9152,0,0,0,0,2,0,36.0,0,0,2,1,19,19,7,2,17,0,12,13,8,4,5,41,34,20,0,0,5,0,8,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,13,16,2,1,9,0,2,5,4,10,0,0,4,12,36,11,27,28,5,37,0,0,4,2,7,17,0,1,18,142,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08398391284763883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994076180668484,0.0,0.0,0.2320637405862884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063839064923352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565843052440468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807526769371434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25521604829712835,0.0,0.1631405447085087,0.11171239199895457,0.2081073547587032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389713019738347,0.3122253561563654,0.08822808624873481,0.0,0.0,0.11287632963470867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452340522481527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21842044644678715,0.0,0.11063131776517526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634753326540276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977205341555653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341825966548098,0.0,0.0,0.24134252134785436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074169958445367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229262884170328,0.0,0.08243689277950453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312604517193681,0.0,0.0,0.19050089633839126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850112626352352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314122033228628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789427209417325,0.08561902148000193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259227281412836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958806436472092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913350974605908,0.0,0.196089657666138,0.07201356692906094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384807162033821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802817552898926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22287822668516602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,p4prikka,2019/08/11,"I need some advice Not going into detail about what happened, it happened 3 years ago. Idk if I have ptsd but every single day since it happened ive thought about it. It’s exhausting, it keeps me from being myself and I want it to stop. Maybe I should see a therapist or psychologist but what are they gonna do? I feel like anything I try, no matter how much I want to heal inside or how much I distract myself, the thoughts always return. I’ve tried to talk to friends about it but they can’t help. My parents don’t recognize this as an issue and think I’m being dramatic and overreacting or lying. Advice? Similar situations? Is this ptsd?",2.2946153846153834,4.689980787401577,3.9223622047244113,84.34127801332527,79.70866141732283,6.427377347062388,23.155057540884318,7.61054688173877,1.2416437310720785,508,17,96,8,13,169,86,127,0.14,0.746,0.114,-0.6608,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,1,3,0,10,2,0,2,0,26,25,13,0,5,8,1,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,0,11,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,2,2,15,2,10,19,4,7,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,5,6,66,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30646286234248216,0.13900125564661778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047721647057595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904001754286645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112849672807032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211790693245887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928707871848126,0.1120240089674372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114984215256115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891178724578687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41599566121911774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051054183161456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366731230189974,0.0,0.13937858134574055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660870229995394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753519398231836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230544549849526,0.1162715005125236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411725926709107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36660144192022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495605596628302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971359451851794,0.17625930078822616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109891014144598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12603671588838006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206673051830705,0.0,0.1004765419078148,0.0,0.2489768338268601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21292532857661933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849794077566305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097951952262224 ptsd,Absinthe_Minded_,2019/08/11,"Midday flashbacks Went on a coffee date today. The man I met up with is amazing and we clicked very well. He was wearing a dress shirt with the top few buttons undone, so about halfway through, my eyes trailed downwards and saw that he has the exact same freckles on his chest as my past abuser. The moment I saw those freckles the warmth of the sun disappeared from my skin and the rustling of the leaves stopped and I was back there, laying on the cold floor, fighting for my life as his weight pinned me to the ground and his hands squeezed the life out of me. I was helpless; he had at least 50 pounds on me and we were alone. It’s so goddamn hard sometimes.",3.8880916030534363,5.370260290076338,3.3006793893129784,94.73086641221373,72.05343511450383,5.5453435114503815,27.603816793893127,4.935628992294339,0.5983734351145036,522,19,110,1,10,153,89,131,0.14,0.7829999999999999,0.077,-0.7893,0,1,0,0,3,0,11.0,2,0,0,1,6,4,1,0,13,0,7,9,6,0,1,14,11,10,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,11,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,9,10,16,2,19,2,3,19,0,1,4,0,11,11,0,0,6,72,19,0,0.0,0.31326292945476314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738318118717137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20330219443453296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368445424367726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799544212506919,0.0,0.0,0.37349773630423344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523934044546866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614918200860574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104471013342708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506140159977778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21815223364169656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219599171532537,0.2377214071201675,0.24509531842583585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,abe3002,2019/08/11,"New and need advice Hey so I have only recently been diagnosed as having ptsd and while obviously having experienced symptoms before I didn't know where to attribute them. The problem I'm having is that I'm currently in the middle of an 'episode' I'm not sure if that's the right term and feels weird to say but I've been on high alert for the past week, really jumpy and scared at noises in the house. Now I've experienced this before but only for a day or a few hours ect never for a week long and it's so tiring but I'm struggling to sleep due to being alert. So I wanted to ask for help as I dont know what to do and I'm struggling to do anything at all and wanted to know if anyone has any advice. (P.S I feel really bad when I read through this sub and not replying or saying anything but I've felt its best not to say anything as I have no idea whatsoever ever as this is all very new to me and dont want to say the wrong thing)",4.261865671641793,4.050750870646773,5.736529850746268,83.76807835820898,70.14427860696517,8.690049751243782,25.70522388059701,8.344100000000001,1.381719402985074,739,18,164,10,12,252,109,201,0.155,0.774,0.071,-0.9412,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,7,9,0,3,10,0,16,4,1,1,6,39,32,26,0,7,11,0,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,9,9,0,0,7,1,0,0,8,7,0,0,4,9,9,2,26,27,5,26,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,4,17,104,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22226747979644912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733897785183243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952130093117878,0.0,0.2807654990191612,0.0,0.10632038002306993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495817617706903,0.0,0.0,0.1935483980539601,0.0,0.11935057810886585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334518750997053,0.0,0.0,0.1154315826901193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665768688133078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287353753398344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115008644326276,0.0,0.10919676851811702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622951852474047,0.12015993506653995,0.0,0.0,0.11199922620030336,0.13122690698338074,0.0,0.12838513198266685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875058956822805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064575057841403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432791233996033,0.08771408775271941,0.21967852997083975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299062245155242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108566297868146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882239010049292,0.13294201124815425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375883223680025,0.0,0.14571420945004704,0.0,0.1122927348572361,0.0,0.0,0.09712313826197913,0.0,0.361764458759296,0.11386162388529808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381018885152508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377865138812108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071873466844253,0.11820699568115328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555586682803504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071367008043833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383755660856784,0.2012392617267215,0.0,0.18245157279999646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434377569865253,0.0,0.0 ptsd,i_am_sofaking_,2019/08/11,"Greif or PTSD? My 21 year old cousin ended his life one month ago. The night he did, I went over to my uncle's house for support along with my sister and my uncle's sister.What I didn't know until i got there, was that his body was still there. My sister wanted to say goodbye and trying to be the supportive big sister, I decided I would go with her. These next few parts may be triggering to people as I go into detail about the manner of death. Which is important for my current issues. . . . . . . . . >!!< He ended his life by placing trash bags around his head and securing them tightly. We believe he may have also used some medicine or alcohol to make him drowsy but we are still awaiting toxicology results. By the time we got there the bags were removed from his body but layed beside him. Initially seeing him helped calm my mind. I had created a much more gruesome picture in my head and truly he looked very peaceful like he was just taking a nap on his bed. We also found his cellphone, he made a playlist on YouTube titled ""the end"" and it was the last thing he listened to. The playlist contained only songs from Weezer, which happened to be one of my favorite bands. I was sitting downstairs in their living room when the staff from the funeral home came to collect him. The thing that broke me, was hearing them zip up his body. I guess at that point it became real to me. Seeing him at his viewing also ruined me. He looked nothing like himself. He was caked with so much makeup but I could still see the bruising. Since then, I cant sleep a full 8 hours. I think the most I've gotten in one night straight was 4 hours. I wake up continuously, often laying awake until my alarm goes off for work. When I do sleep, I'm often having nightmares. I dreamed last night my son was dead. The night before that my cousin died all over again. During the day and at work, I'm exhausted, snippy, overeating or not eating at all. I have crying spells daily, the simplest things remind me of everything. I cant take out the trash anymore. It upsets me too much. I cant listen to Weezer anymore. I went to their concert last summer with my husband which happened to be his first concert. That is no longer a happy memory for me. I often get flashbacks seeing his body. I explained this to my sister and she suggested it may be beyond grief, it may be PTSD. I have been going to therapy, and my next appointment is in Thursday. Any thoughts? *cross posted from suicide bereavement*",3.3990357142857164,5.472704308333337,3.9613095238095255,87.01750000000004,74.66666666666666,6.071428571428572,24.55357142857143,6.868970318607317,0.9567946428571434,1948,63,368,18,42,614,256,480,0.10300000000000001,0.8190000000000001,0.078,-0.9594,1,0,1,0,0,1,70.0,4,0,4,3,21,13,0,2,22,0,38,14,9,5,2,59,75,24,6,3,8,8,1,2,0,5,4,7,3,0,18,21,2,3,6,6,0,8,6,6,0,4,23,15,70,7,56,40,11,70,0,3,7,0,53,26,0,13,36,254,88,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660855994120822,0.08030359713745104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802723079171705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05109891483019019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904069827023358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689202054824192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394002986842375,0.08465893466217626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33386183998828084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859420567364723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599945121115919,0.0,0.08253960017247182,0.048460163217524534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798519395479893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688869132909497,0.0,0.0,0.19965965898943985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753249115371883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391546925858159,0.0,0.08238896674673096,0.0,0.0,0.039258423147277566,0.0,0.1281142344037667,0.0,0.12019532155237972,0.0,0.08277702512192603,0.0,0.13289506777809393,0.07998970890176743,0.0,0.0,0.15423407116832386,0.0,0.08469012738444183,0.0,0.05036587995906422,0.0,0.07537322539338208,0.0,0.14799882490355176,0.086703402729471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842838491756311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04129589873807882,0.1837514792603464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614957266774593,0.07342085242938336,0.0,0.06635147453171178,0.0,0.12620016197890066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110086849959953,0.05015765067588005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587166994835046,0.0,0.059977367049736885,0.0,0.16571332823220442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982804487605984,0.2820614821036573,0.0,0.07210046249222413,0.0,0.07884854635255455,0.0,0.15275382833201442,0.05714862885832685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137111010872837,0.0,0.05209377532085117,0.0,0.0785070559209824,0.0,0.07103316957684963,0.0,0.07196495232244235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567319090092334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552767527051221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975567488797995,0.0,0.0,0.23951274123759045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215796897289764,0.0,0.15039188022560995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002471303116552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821927950348657,0.1705397616792822,0.0,0.0,0.11299437424350114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593105253170259,0.0,0.14976236735492926,0.04814775041577005,0.0,0.05965409550720191,0.04381571420472037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510162640097068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489828011114958,0.0,0.06199975027082349,0.04432050599877628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393141686544283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940806676553186,0.0,0.0,0.05337848907278348,0.0,0.0,0.04838877424285088 ptsd,sowhyisthis,2019/08/11,"Abuse survivor looking for advice after an incident with my current partner triggered me My current partner recently ignored me for a day which was surprising to me bearing in mind we speak all day. He has been quite nice in the last 4 months but I showed him a disgusting photo an anonymous pervert sent me repeatedly online, and my partner got annoyed. He was basically insecure about the size of his penis compared to this pervert (I didn’t realise) and he was sort of saying he would never trust me again? I didn’t understand why he was angry and just repeatedly apologised instead of probing. After a while, what he said was that he decided to be mature and speak to me rather than carry on ignoring me. I thanked him and he said I shouldn’t thank him because he didn’t do it for me - he did it for himself. I haven’t spoken to my partner since this interaction. I don’t know if I want to even? I don’t feel safe. I feel sick. Like truly genuinely sick. It feels like they’re the same person. He reminds me of my abuser but I can’t tell exactly how? Their behaviours differ so much, my abuser not being afraid to shout and beat me as opposed to talk things out. But idk something does really scare me in this new partner and idk if anyone could help me figure out what it could be that maybe scared an abuse survivor in that conversation? Thank you",4.384659090909089,5.944854814393942,5.246636363636366,80.95745454545455,70.93181818181819,8.007272727272726,29.86666666666667,8.548686976883017,2.335752121212122,1077,44,200,18,20,351,149,264,0.223,0.642,0.135,-0.9878,3,0,1,0,4,0,21.0,1,1,1,2,8,17,2,4,9,0,23,2,0,2,3,43,37,16,0,8,8,0,3,2,5,2,2,6,0,6,14,11,0,4,7,1,0,1,10,8,0,0,14,10,37,9,29,16,3,23,0,0,1,0,36,7,0,3,17,137,51,0,0.0,0.578605281381674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930050993571703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536500040878042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442217036363602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19495062986026465,0.0,0.0,0.1574700586749543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755333330990926,0.0,0.0,0.10683781896351333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063630261167658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519024817807955,0.08721788534314028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764290440144276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183131819809306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709498240988826,0.09951595392849943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928958934912515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10252104817725673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265126567870885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327152371427595,0.0,0.09744745871053836,0.0,0.0897468689997814,0.0,0.09415984206982342,0.11791090928574326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660032479173262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985292690131742,0.0,0.0,0.0782110793184429,0.0,0.1205446747568562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23226248166848745,0.09708726721094577,0.24445771021590335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099036374828556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939873606354074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812767759966518,0.10670808336020488,0.33719969879458234,0.0,0.0,0.0811081625568844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709528156677194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200917430677486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016314898697006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672601625939179,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,matriorbb,2019/08/11,"The first time my family has acknowledged my PTSD to another. Any support appreciated I’m 18F, sexually assaulted by a close friend about a year ago. I was smoking weed that night (something I had done 3 or 4 times before, casually, I was no stoner) and since I have PTSD and the smell of weed sends me into a panic and sometimes flashbacks. Never again. My mom drives me to therapy quietly. (It is legal here, just not for me.) We’re driving through the country side and there’s a whole field of the stuff. My brother snaps at my dad to turn the window down. My dad takes the time to crack a joke (not at my expense don’t worry) before pressing the button. My brother, more aggressively says to roll down the window, NOW. My dad: “I’m going, I’m going! What’s your problem?” My brother: “Do you know why? DO YOU KNOW WHY?” And then silence. All of them know what happened to me. I told all of them in private. But never do I think they’ve ever talked to each other about it, except maybe my parents. This happened 10 minutes ago and I feel like a spectacle. I can feel all their eyes on me. No one did anything wrong and somehow I still feel like it’s all my fault.",1.2843314625288862,3.6599527467811193,2.9968454935622333,89.53818009243976,83.76394849785406,5.473027401782766,22.6954440409376,6.844919456158928,0.7358585011554974,902,32,184,11,26,298,140,233,0.099,0.818,0.084,-0.6625,1,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,3,3,1,10,12,2,1,14,0,13,1,1,0,7,33,31,10,0,1,6,8,4,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,9,10,0,0,8,2,1,5,7,6,0,2,6,8,32,6,24,25,7,29,0,0,1,0,19,9,0,2,17,125,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265599686598527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690300880771734,0.13400115713579328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051620080494216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21748332610532886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077568470763298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559526886331853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047101677500295,0.0,0.1938465733927434,0.18258940066942614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869989326360864,0.0,0.0,0.09873185790137942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452543885101139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22601226041689906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106935850017841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486552809475912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838433885156889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496685606598922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19712228819830108,0.0,0.0,0.11992422708500358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659523288027904,0.0,0.0,0.14993649263998207,0.1418980016374099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222797790720468,0.2987642478685869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162540551708793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571094402048067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838060038605362,0.12638965254287168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205493452678302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629137820151022,0.0,0.1450169583887572,0.0,0.0,0.0960837537620654,0.10271444768188663,0.0,0.0,0.14614140123787786,0.0,0.0,0.08188401637017441,0.0,0.0,0.22354980003604127,0.0,0.0,0.1221108260349298,0.0,0.0,0.13900110618321346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306249832846881,0.14267531368158418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977907868004965,0.0,0.0,0.13972059800721562,0.0,0.08229392127397286 ptsd,faintlygold,2019/08/11,"PTSD and auditory hallucinations? Sometimes I have them and idk, it’s not great and I’m a bit confused and concerned. DAE have auditory hallucinations?",4.283076923076924,7.6896730769230786,6.460384615384616,60.32211538461542,87.46153846153845,8.753846153846155,33.42307692307692,8.841846274778883,4.29103076923077,124,7,19,4,4,43,19,26,0.27899999999999997,0.721,0.0,-0.7472,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5008186523231839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5057557892238528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5362354283276548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536995972645382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CookingWithPTSD,2019/08/11,"Trouble with a coming date So, there's this guy I like. Obviously that's triggering my PTSD badly. I had no idea that was like that before, so I pretty much always failed. The last relationship was short and I just stormed away and ended it with a thunder. The guy never knew what hit me. I have also no idea what hit me... So, I don't know what to do now? I am going through with the therapist... I am very stuck. My coping strategy last time was drinking. I was lucky with the guy, he was a good guy and he was taking care of me, so it went without much problems. He managed me. Just this time, no idea how to manage myself. The dissociations are not very social. At this point I don't even know how I will manage to pull through the date. Getting drunk is not the best option. An advice would be greatly appreciated.",1.3050067750677528,3.646602359756102,3.0011382113821163,89.77380758807591,83.32926829268294,5.351761517615177,20.08672086720868,6.691623216298621,0.2658777777777779,633,18,132,7,18,209,93,164,0.135,0.73,0.135,0.2746,0,0,1,0,2,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,12,11,0,0,11,0,18,2,0,3,2,28,30,10,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,4,11,8,2,0,6,2,0,4,9,4,0,0,10,1,18,7,13,15,3,17,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,2,11,95,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245111915879202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189596216511863,0.10602181010546803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971320984779606,0.0,0.10638853401001587,0.0,0.0,0.10842315616167196,0.0,0.1337171115689182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991093081499702,0.0,0.0,0.10975914539832876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482092762339697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128543440384428,0.0,0.0,0.08415824985856235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657053730374185,0.0,0.07241446749335126,0.1068719985678515,0.0,0.14047856541815426,0.0,0.5046545863973395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315175331984747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005097235422012,0.2077250132848992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449979402348292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18733347588319507,0.0,0.09827245618783473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045099843615628,0.0,0.0,0.12962970190758405,0.0,0.1219216187205298,0.14894458017665274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679902374659764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298863927634166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580232218536767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479418771467157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859667827273404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026604521240191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181175696557815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282620449814982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905139435862321,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,xyzaddy,2019/08/11,"Trouble with affection/touch The other night I had a talk with my now ex boyfriend who told me he didn’t feel loved because I wasn’t super affectionate. He said it doesn’t take much to run his shoulders sometimes or to play with his hair. All things I loved doing, but I have such a hard time with touch. I was raped when I was 8 and sexually abused all throughout my childhood. When I tried to be more open with my friends and normal I was sexually assaulted last summer. I was also in a relationship where the guy I was with manipulated me into having sex with him and overstepped my sexual boundaries. Now, being super affectionate it extremely hard for me. He left me because I’m not loving enough and he feels alone. I can’t blame him for how he feels. Even after explaining everything I go through it to him it wasn’t enough. I need help dealing with my ptsd so people I love will stop leaving me.",3.1577247191011217,5.290299308988769,4.194817415730338,84.80267556179776,75.57303370786515,7.1466292134831475,25.16994382022472,8.07648339933343,1.5025719101123591,719,25,142,12,16,233,107,178,0.18,0.6509999999999999,0.168,-0.3403,0,1,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,10,13,2,0,5,0,17,8,2,2,2,28,31,11,0,2,3,1,7,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,7,14,0,1,4,1,0,2,6,3,0,0,11,8,29,10,18,17,6,18,0,0,0,6,25,5,0,1,11,99,36,0,0.0,0.17297551946397527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120269732110506,0.0,0.1167489884868208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779895758648585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051036023124448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016955572802476,0.0,0.0964257104504946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120734054973865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22145238150451765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279232167972172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297007704741645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455409038105455,0.0,0.0,0.2615586072154402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785472223783488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190021894347709,0.0,0.15458344058251505,0.15861970101485595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5270504834248753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732021835979194,0.10825051238182933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700270901490588,0.14304023038482222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121181082282793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706557228248156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673975012394695,0.0,0.0,0.1388709184356613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438887963440894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205505332738315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976709942348443,0.11734207448686572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698996537012937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512855422440889,0.0,0.0,0.13950070284776753,0.0,0.09911833861215964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ambhros,2019/08/11,"Why cant I just let friends be friends? I always end up having sex w them and becoming FWB. I just like the feeling of having friends you fuck, like a bug puddle of love. I wasnt raped before but Ive been forced to go down on a guy and have had many people touch me when i dont ask, and my case of ptsd comes from years of emotional abuse, non sexual events. Is that a symptom of my ptsd or am I just weird??",2.5026666666666664,2.7408574888888886,3.8955555555555565,93.85000000000002,74.1111111111111,7.333333333333332,22.777777777777786,7.1686216300943375,0.41644444444444506,314,7,79,3,6,104,66,90,0.20800000000000002,0.645,0.14800000000000002,-0.8304,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,4,9,2,0,4,0,13,5,0,0,0,10,19,6,0,0,5,0,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,3,2,12,6,10,14,0,9,0,0,0,4,8,3,1,1,6,48,13,0,0.0,0.2201564204901567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461017742974753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370880953656603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20521436837276227,0.15811202803435973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600602831407219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21776986933971249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090130961027376,0.1645739696213837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395195299338101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43067285839173547,0.17177987581689225,0.0,0.0,0.10560104243164864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398274625289676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19000500071955406,0.0,0.1815563724557176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770226822847167,0.0,0.0,0.1883838482829444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881840188213078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4344077496017748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312944982148916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676661125040559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965661019204885 ptsd,Wsalyea354,2019/08/11,"Stressful situations cause me to flashback. I've been a volunteer firefighter/first responder for about five years now. I've worked many fatal calls and always move on. However if I read anything about stories about other first responders I suddenly remember everything in detail about the calls I've worked. Or it can even just be overhearing a conversation about an event. And I suddenly remember everything like it happened 5 minutes ago. Even though it was four years ago. In my my mind I start replaying the moment when I got dispatched and every second of every minute. Sights, smells and things I heard. Sometimes it almost becomes a morbid conversation with others in our line of work. The question. What's your worst call? And we try to outdo each other. Coping mechanism maybe. I've missed Holliday lunch because we extricated an individual deceased 30 minutes ago. And I didn't want to answer the familiar questions. By my eight year old niece. Was that you on the news on tv? Uncle was on tv! In a situation I would never wish on anyone. Stone faced telling a parent that their child is dead. Is it just me or is it the hardest thing in life to live with?",4.056393372982157,6.9024680887850485,4.745692438402717,78.3636873406967,76.05607476635514,8.003058623619372,27.48428207306712,8.841846274778883,2.6294373831775704,937,38,158,22,22,300,137,214,0.10400000000000001,0.884,0.012,-0.9596,2,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,3,2,1,4,12,5,0,1,13,0,11,3,1,1,1,29,18,11,2,4,5,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,14,11,1,0,5,3,0,1,2,4,0,5,7,3,19,1,25,9,2,27,0,1,1,0,20,10,0,6,17,106,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30432750048108,0.0,0.11459325971061067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09522169415785264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001780345823409,0.0,0.09417283275169892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976042374012706,0.1263879270228969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35056238642931525,0.0,0.0,0.1175594860924018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117061519550234,0.0,0.1928381255670836,0.0,0.205699229970963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468203504882853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915266291345574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011972631317167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083103772153581,0.05590869132222219,0.0,0.10105096810026012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602230515276846,0.11496848619440884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554989175108585,0.0,0.0,0.12162962476746902,0.0,0.0,0.08826174310691523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200835700857832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270700039287962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25639379886000263,0.0,0.11446910164913435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25927219276388835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25726651266994705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318223977685506,0.0,0.08099989959330584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108849477996362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000239723637778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205522120908285,0.0,0.11243488470230872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07769598043485006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749857587157658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159820533076616,0.0,0.0,0.2499369714689066,0.0,0.0,0.08129356633899616,0.0,0.0,0.22108321707702355 ptsd,Helpthrowaway1231q,2019/08/11,"New to this — help Hi guys, I’m a 27 year old who had a traumatic experience about two months ago. I went to an exercise class and stopped in the middle (short of breath). I proceeded to convinced myself I was having a heart attack... when it was really just a panic attack. I tried to stay calm, but I was alone and totally gave in to my freak out. To make things worse, this all happened during the Pride parade in NYC. The only thing I could think about that entire time was “how am I gonna get home alone in this... I’m just gonna die here.” I proceeded to stay in a corner of the gym lobby for four hours till friends came to get me. I was really shaken up but convinced myself I’d feel better in the morning. The next morning I could even leave my house. I’m better now. I can pretty much do everything I normally do. But I go through these shitty moments where I disassociate and get anxious for no reason. I fixate on weird stuff and I just obsess with the idea that I’m one more freak out from being in a straight jacket for the rest of my life. I know people on this subreddit have actually gone through really terrible shit. But I just can’t shake what happened to me. I had such a healthy mental/psychological balance before this and it breaks my heart that I just feel so broken. Any advice?",2.843209576682857,4.583348706106872,4.232408049965303,85.92971547536435,75.29770992366412,7.206384455239418,22.596113809854263,8.00094639256281,1.0754748091603048,1019,28,209,16,22,337,153,262,0.22399999999999998,0.6559999999999999,0.12,-0.9841,0,2,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,15,17,3,3,16,0,17,6,4,3,2,32,38,13,1,3,9,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,1,16,9,0,1,6,2,0,5,2,10,0,3,11,2,28,7,34,22,5,40,0,0,0,0,6,17,1,0,15,142,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.11248642530957713,0.0,0.0,0.11264004248465866,0.10217947598465356,0.0,0.0,0.2387689219372135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838722748760522,0.0,0.0,0.1302217493083936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622714434683126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980858729293244,0.0,0.0,0.20389304925594975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183762462552973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18406666695476426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119631564770298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613443192220375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359681344433633,0.11275571066834722,0.0,0.0,0.11656746722353108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905694649437798,0.0,0.18067070247637534,0.0,0.06551032554527708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11413494908956652,0.20386491463704126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731898763311198,0.07726273058996562,0.0,0.11562472872505795,0.0,0.11351725955595784,0.13300555161083444,0.0,0.13012525929721844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06334911454468642,0.0,0.0,0.12205377983055507,0.0,0.0,0.08141827207162737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694330078906317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616456615019112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200703245184402,0.0,0.0847363614996078,0.0,0.0,0.11132802230692347,0.12259044398724513,0.0,0.1129396571878069,0.0,0.0,0.1209559725591862,0.0,0.07810961107396992,0.0876676654643101,0.0,0.1352439474595061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991337253117467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727054366702007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215338216562704,0.1185162663759048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832250751416006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457239459785961,0.0,0.09637048153340247,0.0,0.0,0.13195602430670642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315989648632425,0.07386005509900881,0.0,0.0,0.06721458505158097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826043871549923,0.0,0.11260157334305335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068560014126686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746949032000205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422979268788135 ptsd,droog62,2019/08/11,"I had a flashback. I don't want to self diagnose, I hate it. Ptsd has become the darling diagnosis for people who want others to feel sorry for them. I had a flashback though, it was scary. I heard my friend arguing with her ex-husband and it was just like me and my ex. She was calm, he was aggressive. I was always calm, my ex was always aggressive. My brain jumped to 22 years ago the next day, told me that I could be ok, I would just have to be strong, I just have to keep the kids safe and get them away from her. The other half of my brain said ""Wait what? your kids are grown, they're safe, what are you worried about?"" I've never experienced anything like it, it was out of my control, like my mind running away with a scenario from 20+ years ago. I'm going to see a counselor as soon as I can. I've had friends tell me that I may have some ptsd to look into. It would explain my massive amounts of anxiety over the past 20+ years. I spent 6 years in an abusive relationship and I might be just starting to realize I've got some scarring from it. I'm not talking just one event, I'm talking 6 years of having my children's love for me used against me, the scenario of feeling completely helpless and needing to be strong was with me almost the whole time, after 6 years of that, it takes a toll on your psyche.",3.079065934065934,4.107993344322345,4.083683150183152,90.09673351648355,73.43223443223442,6.925201465201465,26.470512820512823,7.1686216300943375,1.0598807326007331,1025,35,227,10,20,332,143,273,0.099,0.75,0.151,0.9487,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,3,2,3,8,18,4,0,13,1,29,4,2,2,1,39,54,8,0,6,6,2,2,3,2,4,1,2,0,4,16,10,0,5,4,0,1,4,3,5,0,2,16,7,36,13,36,29,4,28,0,1,2,1,28,7,0,5,20,149,52,1,0.0,0.13364050228671465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996724272308736,0.0,0.11294525540457735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877045577353339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628584643478482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281850149104638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194426964795665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457029962936292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25182715216878315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182606431680515,0.0,0.12650622231871,0.09005552121274618,0.0,0.0,0.07274174091942831,0.0,0.0,0.11448187082244188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140624121785684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428619460226005,0.0,0.05892935260382786,0.0,0.06410249731143848,0.0,0.0902103538203602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135910371719868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025503178625944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531394874368946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471717465593812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10179950832583756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965486919979287,0.11388812979712475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363410552158967,0.08699242121952386,0.0,0.11995595412923378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643102201356164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767307004338357,0.0781960203248741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636964651077173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109678294228735,0.0,0.0,0.10729136325342442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988090739501678,0.0,0.11766703025381972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626181222382155,0.07983501272600542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480581730275026,0.18131645243656294,0.09858549389149816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081792071502276,0.0,0.06577013198599574,0.0,0.0,0.10777793329193064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741638419109892,0.0,0.0,0.13305571218609036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592864154387426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454611633423507,0.0,0.16024891230241706,0.0,0.0,0.4358074895764212 ptsd,LilithBeanith,2019/08/11,"Witnessed an event pertaining to death of demographic I work with I'm trying to refrain from immediate information being triggering to those on this sub to avoid further trauma. I witnessed a suicide of a teenager who jumped off a bridge onto the highway in front of my car. I did not hit her and I got out and talked to her until emergency vehicles arrived and remained on scene until the ambulance took her to the hospital where she later passed. I am a high school teacher at a neighboring school. I recently received training at the school she attended. I drive by the spot twice daily where the incident occurred. I have and will go to counselling to deal with said event. I was curious to know if others found it inappropriate to ask the school she attended for a photo of her. When media was involved it never showed her photo, but I do know her name and age. I would very much like to see an image of her that is not the one I remember. I am hoping that it might help ease my sensitivity to images in movies and tv that show blood on pavement and characters/real people falling. Any other advise is welcome, but I would appreciate it on this thread and not in my messages.",5.810133333333333,6.8698195244444475,6.622666666666671,74.29800000000003,67.08888888888889,9.555555555555557,32.33333333333333,9.725611199111238,3.1886,943,39,166,20,15,312,136,225,0.052000000000000005,0.8440000000000001,0.10400000000000001,0.9389,1,1,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,16,0,14,1,1,1,1,31,26,14,2,4,6,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,1,0,13,11,0,2,5,3,0,11,4,2,0,2,7,2,27,3,36,13,1,36,0,0,1,0,24,16,0,3,10,127,40,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929033953991822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502449444702499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568802861522453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762134906390094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133689188517366,0.0,0.12853685393538072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077225248372736,0.1698020903208191,0.0,0.15962425484116088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766473049257088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851624557960961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049107772726227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814253439610098,0.0,0.12395176014990165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089032765823356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111418146777714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586846821783095,0.0,0.1820564806434841,0.0,0.15287484975943774,0.0,0.0,0.6506004755113038,0.12806743989075536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757939186565294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917500805578172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17855803753815114,0.10911356599660718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260504222068265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700096572448596,0.0,0.0,0.2283317841202229,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bonelessdishes,2019/08/11,"Being touched is difficult I am venting and I am very frustrated!!!!! Why does my body do this?! Why can't I relax enough to enjoy being touched and doing that I want to do?!? Why is my brain all fucked up???!!! I am so tired today. Happy Saturday, everyone!",0.13362857142857365,2.5180076200000023,2.7717142857142854,87.91300000000004,92.8,6.057142857142857,21.142857142857142,7.447530270364453,1.1978857142857144,191,7,38,4,7,66,35,50,0.25,0.61,0.14,-0.8277,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,0,11,4,2,0,1,4,13,3,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,7,3,3,11,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633482444156653,0.0,0.26466552640267466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074748831908172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449724203271545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265450981249447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918147556425985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523816368032955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27249459619573896,0.2247290771809312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562014501093225,0.1398390118116092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6417976337333288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,potatochipgrape,2019/08/11,"Overlapping image flashbacks, dissociative episodes. Advice appreciated, please no PMs tho. Hey everyone, so I finally got to see a therapist a few days ago and I was told that with what I’m going through I should be seen once or twice a week but that she doesn’t have availability for that. So in about a month I go back and do once every two weeks while we try to find someone with availability. These past few day I’ve been having on and off flashbacks, overlapping images and dissociative episodes so often I just don’t feel like I’m here anymore. It’s going to be a while before I can start therapy and it just feels like I’m spiraling in the meantime. Does anyone have some suggestions of things to do in the meantime to try and curb these? Medication is out of the question because I am on mandatory medication for other issues. But just something that might tone it down I guess?",4.368016806722686,6.388795952941178,5.179831932773109,79.55352941176474,71.82352941176471,8.621848739495798,28.61344537815126,9.23628265651192,2.5544033613445376,712,28,133,16,14,231,106,170,0.01,0.9129999999999999,0.077,0.8594,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,11,2,0,0,8,0,16,3,0,0,0,26,30,15,0,1,6,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,12,10,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,5,4,10,2,21,21,3,25,0,0,2,0,6,10,0,6,14,94,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434337531411909,0.13011346064145138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145568385245642,0.10263344559154236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128663618446141,0.0,0.08947699568024706,0.0,0.12490074199234327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18932460167423085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844999036142396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367023595376928,0.14025657093062985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843486338626882,0.20972229946955734,0.0,0.1607925977520495,0.13415616507840955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502589218325294,0.0,0.11739504092188666,0.0,0.16169701326262886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320235992417472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14342062343435044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29573501360581606,0.0,0.1557125947447768,0.0,0.0,0.11716005861546736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126362568196967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012010737813232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112264977979912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442952610566242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696631655769915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436798296904708,0.11300001895243435,0.0,0.0,0.1038931141388946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678581045939269,0.1704253120967249,0.09751549404263507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025657093062985,0.0,0.199310799247418,0.0,0.14338476724559948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354794671463657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LuciferreWolf,2019/08/11,"Old memories resurfacing [Trigger warning] Triggers ahead! &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; I had a shitty day today. I am lying in bed trying to fell asleep, it's not working... obviously. And poof... a memory. Recently, I started therapy for a rape that happened long ago. The therapist said I have some form of PTSD/Dissociation disorder. The exact diagnosis is not that important. It's pretty much the story of how some low-life took my virginity by force. But this story is not about that. Because I already knew that. I already knew that happened and I thought that there weren't any more rapes that I would need to recall of (there were others except that, I knew about those too). This is about a memory I just found out about... I had a boyfriend some years after. During the time we were going out I had repressed the memory and I didn't know that a low life raped me (strong dissociation, I guess). I remembered our first night together. I was just putting the condom on him and I freaked out and I said: ""No, I don't want to."" and turned around and dissociated. When I came back, he was already on me fucking me without a condom. I just realized what he did... He raped me too. I won't go into more details about our relationship. But there were more nights like this and worse. I ended it after two months, I somehow felt that something was very wrong, because I never ever wanted to see his face again and I would walk in the other direction if I see him. I just... How do I find out now? I thought this was normal somehow... How distorted reality can get? I don't know why and for what reason I am posting this. To share, I guess. To get some validation that it happened... I feel very distant right now. I am writing this, but I am simply watching myself writing. Thanks for reading...",2.7886206896551684,5.6018686091954075,3.7736896551724146,83.50277586206897,81.29885057471266,6.238620689655173,26.516091954022986,7.554174236665415,1.7723698850574707,1468,62,261,24,40,471,174,348,0.086,0.873,0.042,-0.8737,0,0,1,0,0,0,112.0,3,0,0,4,26,13,5,1,14,0,28,11,2,6,4,71,60,18,0,7,13,0,2,1,0,3,1,2,1,0,26,18,0,1,14,1,0,7,11,9,0,2,24,7,48,4,33,33,9,44,0,1,3,8,15,12,1,9,25,199,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03956180877862675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477509690299759,0.0,0.0,0.4835659441945118,0.5423034404231517,0.0303499354901479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039730168736290435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034317720878552976,0.0,0.054412076594329215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051044838946394056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028782662653042364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05114985509344159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039528939707438884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04037039684932597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022566272745413188,0.0,0.04285180606610438,0.0,0.040791018263141014,0.03796226153269295,0.0,0.04893449957152286,0.0,0.04125972272370214,0.04663467370782004,0.0,0.05072852345880282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832996966238924,0.0,0.11839850456983682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049054969831487806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03152349412388553,0.02180396728842979,0.0,0.0,0.039496152163588594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035623246146764834,0.0,0.03280819066587856,0.03309258501502168,0.034421413093567686,0.0,0.0,0.08376447733332075,0.043727931447394994,0.0,0.0,0.046831685237239316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04274321025790687,0.045404762347940095,0.0,0.0,0.0521700903914442,0.044865484372080405,0.0,0.0,0.04464208495793615,0.0,0.0,0.0458870807697677,0.0440667481468227,0.047915925680926695,0.05055709833415745,0.038113782503034994,0.08490671449639564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112867533279378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034358360155345866,0.0,0.0,0.03158934897831445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041089314623913416,0.051038303056033366,0.051818878500111534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086248138079924,0.026024116245661387,0.0,0.04230402860719965,0.0,0.049585580421322835,0.030300845463907333,0.04854463226991389,0.04359703227915801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364886034773624,0.05264786942828964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04027163996469787,0.0,0.0,0.04302173455057297,0.0,0.03249117696012065,0.0,0.045481790433732995,0.0634077535816239,0.0487959070041693,0.5423034404231517,0.028740261541722226 ptsd,stinktoe_willie,2019/09/17,"Hypersensitive reflexes? I’m just now coming to terms with my diagnosis, even though I feel like a fraud. I feel like what I’ve gone through isn’t nearly as bad as other people. I’ve accepted the nightmares, hellish as they may be. I’ve finally broken out of the depersonalization/derealization, but my reflexes are still acting up. Is something small grazes me, I instinctively move away. I don’t have control over this at all, it just happens before I can even do anything. And it seems to be everywhere, too; my eyes, my limbs... everything. It feels like my body is in constant high-alert, and it’s sometimes embarrassing and scary. Does anyone else experience this?",3.5430444964871204,6.5403313606557365,4.638079625292743,77.33098360655741,79.65573770491805,7.748009367681497,26.747072599531606,8.634040054169528,2.4632580796252928,534,22,94,13,14,174,87,122,0.13,0.8009999999999999,0.069,-0.8156,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,1,8,7,1,1,3,0,11,2,2,1,1,17,19,8,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,5,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,1,4,12,4,15,15,2,17,1,0,1,0,1,8,0,2,8,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429120487591575,0.18213214054237445,0.14627813240832335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670077163535108,0.0,0.1484189266481161,0.0,0.0,0.15125735692345804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974469655321837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312114882888433,0.0,0.1920912054754008,0.1993685918383214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555555693984884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849242041478533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348124678814705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975572953888792,0.17387958392346067,0.0,0.0,0.26963648997951445,0.38096700067185946,0.0,0.19472312942962908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718914068106488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878090892924061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605279690451031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892661329856347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323370482327024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16182248613791586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684533755687112,0.17580533761793124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419562587528362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464447517643752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yoyoyofoso,2019/09/17,Tell me your story. I want to hear from you. What is your story. How does living with PTSD affect you in your daily life? What are some things you really struggle with? What have you fou d to be helpful. What kind of support do you require from others?,0.6046285714285737,3.105992720000004,1.8277142857142863,94.681,91.8,3.6571428571428566,15.142857142857142,5.288315135182226,-0.8067142857142859,196,4,39,1,7,62,37,50,0.048,0.82,0.131,0.5352,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,8,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,0,7,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,2,8,7,1,1,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,1,0,31,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693069959789113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34684746856436954,0.0,0.20627289750691252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204658149399326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217367193237691,0.0,0.0,0.2717417211142993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597337933028313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714733067240425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217186344317923,0.0,0.0,0.3492218423495749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689799703438182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20445003295156614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815141361328444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BeepBopBug,2019/09/17,"Things get easier. My experience of getting better. Brief mention of abuse without getting into details (also start and end are pointed out) This post was supposed to be a rant. I was feeling a bit gloomy after a flash-back, but as I kept writing I started to calm down. Hence the change in the tone. Also, I wanted to point out that what I'm talking about is obviously just a small part of the process of getting back on your feet, but still it felt essential to me. Everyone's experience is different and this is just my personal perspective. Sorry for my broken English, I hope this can be helpful to someone. I guess I have improved a lot in the last year. I really don't want to go back to the hole of despair I was trapped in, but sometimes I get scared I might let myself slip off into it again. To prevent that, I make sure to bury any thoughts about my past very deep as soon as I sense them arise, of course some of them manage to sneak out and they get back at me in spades. I still get glimpses of moments I had successfully forgotten about. It makes me feel like I'm still there, but it happens less and less frequently and every time it gets easier to snap back. Up until a year ago, I was leading a life that was split in half between the present and the past. The present seemed to be so dull, as if I were half-asleep, while the past felt so much more real and threatening. I used to be so angry, I don't know how else to describe it other than it felt like fire was running through my veins. It was the only thing I felt and I couldn't help but cling to it, since it seemed to be my life's sole purpose and sustenance. I kept reliving the events of my trauma, going through them in my head over and over again. Each time getting angrier and angrier. I didn't mind it at all, I was actually glad for this blind rage. As if it fueled me. **START OF TRIGGER WARNING** I had spent so much time in captivity, fighting tooth and nails to survive, being tortured and raped every single day, not knowing if I would have managed to go on living, or if the time had come for me to be offed. **END OF TRIGGER WARNING** After I escaped, ordinary life was simply idle. Hadn't it been for this anger, I would have just gone numb. Although comforting, I came to realize that I would have never been able to move forward without letting go of it all, the anger, the constant replay of gruesome scenes in my mind, the pointless questions that would never find any answers. Things were also getting out of hand, to the point where I involuntarily broke my friend's arm as I was startled by her giving me a hug unexpectedly. I was horrified at what I had done. I'm a petite girl but I've been fighting professionally for a long time and I couldn't bear the thought of harming someone whose only fault was getting caught between my messed up brain and me. It's a hard process to forget about the abuse I had been through as a child and then again as an adult, but I'm managing and it does get easier. I had never thought it to be true, but time really does heal all wounds. But most importantly it's the people you love. Keep them close. Even if you feel the need to cut everybody off and confine yourself in your pain, don't. Don't let this trauma induced sentiment prevail. It's not what you or your loved ones need. The ones we care about are the only thing that keeps us grounded to reality, to the present. You can take small steps, there's no rush, you don't have to let everyone in on everything you are feeling unless you want to. Just try, as difficult as it is, to be open to their affection. Being passionate about something is hard after you have survived trauma and readjusting to everyday life is particularly disorienting when you don't have a purpose, you just feel hollow. A good place to start is making it a point to be able to take care of the people you love. Having to be someone your dear ones can rely on, eventually makes you get back on track and you are going to become even stronger than you were before. It's ironic how being a survivor makes you feel so dead inside, it might feel like you have lost all control over your own body and mind. But please know this kind of feelings are only temporary. You have gone through a nightmare and made it out alive. You will overcome these feelings as well. You won't have to look back at the person you were before in sorrow, you are growing to become someone you will learn to love. You will have suffered greatly and still been able to pull yourself back up, you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. Life only gets better and better from here, it's tough but so are you.",3.7608272683163513,5.380124168122271,4.3793085880640445,86.32478287239205,72.60262008733625,7.14129063561378,27.132702571567197,7.744694174462626,1.497330228044638,3662,132,733,47,72,1165,371,916,0.16699999999999998,0.6890000000000001,0.14400000000000002,-0.9789,1,1,1,0,6,0,100.0,2,32,6,10,45,53,8,2,43,0,95,25,8,15,10,147,179,70,1,17,28,0,17,3,1,10,10,0,0,5,48,37,0,7,27,0,1,20,19,26,1,4,46,19,97,27,135,104,17,123,0,6,2,7,61,49,0,17,58,528,145,8,0.138507648301887,0.10940594286631827,0.0450544949247238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04092622438211267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110764516305584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279330031661677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037993330978658736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840102186060107,0.0,0.0,0.10198054370411536,0.07857320475638044,0.0,0.0,0.12249875921836935,0.05040482625975426,0.05128359098307183,0.0,0.051540114244812384,0.0,0.052805283599610016,0.09414518566308934,0.0,0.048840908814877904,0.03977069156891451,0.0,0.049892520690270815,0.05178270170498472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029775324900955018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04823700420842505,0.0,0.0,0.0808059842770347,0.047247137680394916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03856845574766213,0.0,0.08178444343159792,0.0,0.0,0.06098866360443603,0.0,0.07779911165348466,0.08823332904488072,0.04149391442300565,0.09032470504879933,0.0,0.0,0.2101008860118434,0.06596659441466986,0.17731875102612946,0.0,0.042197827090101836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03567022183165361,0.0,0.3377011378784012,0.044289719068278416,0.1311951473999501,0.038724547981586366,0.0,0.0509017237425945,0.050860596698290836,0.0,0.04082728532160853,0.0,0.08271709813586067,0.0,0.047382935538412864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061892504693889176,0.0,0.0,0.04585644904322109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207464123515806,0.0,0.04807813385841471,0.0761201812187817,0.037634073245199434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884460609194664,0.1630534135890351,0.0676678406687474,0.0,0.04076826367610574,0.04085830338855403,0.03877051351032231,0.0,0.05039915327401705,0.03925141650196296,0.1666780803894519,0.0436864285993587,0.1540915512850417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795648444409293,0.1864709875903353,0.0,0.0,0.04907057009514403,0.06787937226410548,0.06846777746120677,0.1068256370960834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938563670954713,0.1755688465454264,0.04912730110283749,0.0,0.0,0.049996761879716564,0.13222122277123372,0.06401584239546151,0.08062635733877463,0.04823700420842505,0.05067993492310404,0.1745793296982109,0.0,0.044217346674300315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641281420418585,0.051720088354186185,0.0,0.0,0.05255067565026176,0.05915436412881433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0462234396015992,0.0,0.0,0.08406144068704853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0381916526579551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647610790917507,0.035543318178080895,0.045662535267320926,0.05168265749525873,0.1307152351507054,0.0,0.14748318246868014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04351393978461382,0.0,0.06942700935566959,0.03710906704286263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269110268057926,0.0,0.0,0.1099596012972491,0.161529847147665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03134586710538765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055535882303414434,0.039875379023153364,0.0,0.03809443851448392,0.08169539957787834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04151166997441609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08901095353737543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118914583345426,0.0,0.0,0.059462922903190676 ptsd,w8in2die,2019/09/17,"I don't remember the majority of traumas, don't get triggered by remembering the ones I can, but have post traumatic symptoms. Could this be PTSD? I had a pretty bad childhood, suffered from some sexual, emotional and physical abuse. I have only some fragmented memories, which aren't enough to form a narrative, and some more complete memories, like when one of the school employees told the other other boys to beat me up. Yet, when I remember of those, I don't get any significant reaction, apart from some angered and revenge-seeking feelings. However, I have post traumatic symptoms. I feel guilty for ""innocent"" activities, specially normal sexual behavior, have low self-esteem feel unworthy when I achieve something, have a pretty nihilistic, misanthropic and pessimistic world view, which causes me to have some strong emotional pain, like anxiety attacks, feelings of general contempt and hatred, despair and lack of empathy. I'm overly suspicious of nice people, have a lot of stress, which causes me psychosomatic symptoms. I tend to get attracted to abusive people I am sort of a masochist, sexually or not, some (physical) pain cause me pleasure. I have frequent dreams of being chased. I tend to avoid reality with activities, (licit) drugs and sleeping I am socially isolated, prone to anger, have suicidal thoughts, feelings of loneliness, anhedonia,, etc. Considering that the memories don't trigger me, and the symptoms, could this be PTSD? And if not, what could it be? My doctor has diagnosed me with treatment resistant depression and anxiety, but I haven't talked much about my PTSD suspicions with him.",9.650590659340661,10.615198846153849,9.347891483516488,58.43304601648357,58.706959706959715,13.857967032967036,44.53502747252747,13.023866798666859,6.751256593406595,1307,75,183,48,16,423,155,273,0.34299999999999997,0.5479999999999999,0.109,-0.9982,2,1,2,0,1,0,56.0,0,0,0,3,5,21,4,2,11,0,27,10,1,5,0,48,40,17,1,6,6,0,5,2,0,0,9,0,0,1,11,13,0,1,9,1,0,0,8,14,0,2,3,6,24,7,27,30,14,13,0,4,1,0,5,5,0,10,8,135,35,3,0.0,0.2185545777132776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271945963068061,0.0,0.14111116321404174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049247673257241,0.0,0.0,0.07700807099818202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842363806649864,0.0,0.0,0.09670124133566477,0.0,0.0,0.2209140874879531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794374333095909,0.09361135473640053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440115798444162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069573431432963,0.0,0.0,0.20749233137773024,0.0,0.09529808802379232,0.10286066086214657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23317091282291444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445588674788314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011769046950872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841051896711444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677995507006007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036566921331188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499466445082935,0.0701449557694108,0.19627812284097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278811281649955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666140022780122,0.18766182617071508,0.0,0.0,0.32343527181110304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31343531742031583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334153053076737,0.0,0.0,0.09621584649811492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922964557264864,0.09401671569871692,0.0,0.07100304326640594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564897976782964,0.0,0.0,0.10088448467552083,0.0,0.0,0.3834485068003764,0.0,0.0741308585658504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322019748173172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812957260102043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NoTransplantWins,2019/09/17,"PTSD The constant struggle trying to just stay afloat with ptsd and depression keeps me from achieving any goals.. =/ maybe one day, if I can just stand up and kick myself into gear. Doesn’t help having these inconsiderate roommates who poke fun at my situation, branding me as a victim complexed anti-socialite and not understanding my trauma is real. (Found out 2014 that my father had molested me as a child growing up, glued my eyes shut and passed me to friends in a drunken state and fed me drugs to make me forget). I’m burnt out, I call on people who have called on me and I’m met with zero guidance/help. I want to help myself but I lack the energy to call on people anymore it’s too much work. I’m finding myself spending too much just to get a small taste of a social life, I spend hours commuting to get-togethers—if I’m even invited— just sit in a corner with minimal talking points as I got zero shit going on in my life. I want a job where I’m NOT taken advantage of because of the battle with my illness. I walk into job interviews with a income figure I would need to semi-comfortably get by. But I’m met with a minimum wage offer for mid level position. Or if I get the wage I ask for I then get constantly rescheduled with no chance at a stable shift. The last job I had they made changes from my full time five day 40/hr schedule to a two day 14/hr. and said I can get extra hours at their other location which would make my 2hr a day commute to 3.45hr a day commute(walking). I’m a chill/quiet 30 year old dude, I don’t ask for anything from anyone unless I really need to. I easily make myself disposable if someone I care for needs anything. I don’t know who to call anymore I’m late on rent three months. Disability has gone without a response to my claim. I going crazy thinking about being houseless again. I live just outside of the public transit service area by three miles so trying to find work or apply for social service programs is tedious and tiring. I just want to be normal, feel normal. I want to laugh and make people laugh again.. Doesn’t help being a dark toned individual either, constantly being told to go back to my country. USA is my country, I’m indigenous to the PNW and am being harassed as if I’m an illegal immigrant.",4.7974483775811185,5.572723199115046,5.871398230088499,79.80295280235991,69.22123893805309,8.416047197640117,28.7834808259587,8.548686976883017,2.1121112684365784,1794,62,341,27,30,597,239,452,0.098,0.8,0.102,-0.2729,7,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,2,5,15,14,5,1,24,0,22,9,2,5,0,69,69,25,0,16,19,1,1,0,1,2,5,1,1,1,8,21,2,1,9,0,5,7,8,8,0,7,12,4,47,6,64,50,6,59,0,1,1,0,27,27,1,6,21,214,55,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05338110937933085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556971971474169,0.054887398061123485,0.0,0.12919379274098805,0.0,0.14676945552957155,0.0,0.0,0.06035986509632135,0.0,0.04785145281744158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206196024321253,0.0,0.08003360912834331,0.0,0.08304012951977274,0.0,0.0,0.2544842928225343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25312252538546465,0.0,0.067609930654413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103237921491904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184697262848095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03969078201493218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434909018706716,0.0,0.0,0.08606864666642333,0.060647107369084005,0.0,0.24607076534393135,0.0,0.13383610948458274,0.0,0.06278175992575716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046134196905394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546087913303643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23369048392338398,0.06977233843343507,0.0,0.0,0.043140268140346966,0.06398608036724321,0.08854879416149039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089045565794227,0.0,0.0,0.06931488332438251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427639610264529,0.2095912248498492,0.0,0.07886146324337708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265609360601686,0.0,0.11540964329507185,0.17461508946914756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382210563729265,0.0,0.0,0.08237010299013599,0.0,0.0531920547001855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326120785299028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07420567359097976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351915788547787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934753710029246,0.05028761931453035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746692627245124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805767332011941,0.0,0.08823467327544711,0.0,0.16003698417527962,0.06651082352285011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366807487532532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206281139854721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06309345604679954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05029813920420936,0.0,0.0,0.04577262433592414,0.0902215275369368,0.0,0.07500789041025893,0.0,0.10658953436788056,0.0,0.07668082027599099,0.08171884586939515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18519984514975735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566895549014169,0.0,0.11429448156385147,0.0,0.0,0.11152498925531748,0.0,0.0,0.05054992770733476 ptsd,anonhelp85,2019/09/17,"Should I tell him I researched PTSD? I'm dating someone with combat PTSD and he is slowly telling me his symptoms. He has told me the event that caused his PTSD and told me he's only told one other person. I've been very understanding and have never asked him any questions, just listen when he brings it up. I'm trying to respect his boundaries as well and I decided to do some research on PTSD so that I could have a better understanding of what he is going through. I researched it for hours and I learned a lot, but obviously I could never understand anyone's actual experience. Part of me wants to tell him that I have a better understanding of PTSD now, because he's so scared that I'll think he's crazy, but I'm scared he might think I see him as weak or broken and that's why I researched it. The truth is I think he's so strong and not broken at all. I just wanted to get some feedback on how I should proceed.",5.40428433268859,5.299361691489366,6.013752417794973,82.3877272727273,67.72340425531914,8.538491295938105,28.793036750483562,8.00094639256281,1.6973340425531918,730,22,151,8,11,238,98,188,0.141,0.765,0.094,-0.8993,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,9,9,0,2,5,0,14,2,0,2,5,41,35,17,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,10,8,0,0,10,0,0,2,3,3,1,1,4,2,24,6,16,26,5,14,0,0,1,0,26,4,0,6,8,97,34,6,0.0,0.0,0.09674329222588764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741647656363801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931881011936336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267959840113857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060432920651367676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535702457171282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184088217845937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15830546042548818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697488952381894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051794927012229285,0.0,0.056341772356954624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762985519079298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842826284763353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516856104844677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292094376036516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717771419069295,0.07539806297011924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073555780163302,0.0,0.0,0.08656249795016133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5794285258595346,0.0,0.1110559918595833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985066188194803,0.0,0.07899925644211872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399835498721693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304117503678276,0.0,0.0,0.2599500029248432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905687252821396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28418860593533085,0.0,0.06730743262169521,0.0,0.0,0.41281994483949663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179830677372575,0.1169469983417242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891359591496777,0.0,0.08945561260717168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Stoic_Padawan,2019/09/17,"Impulse control? Does anyone else find it extremely hard to not destroy your life with impulses? They are really strong for me and I find myself mentally keeping myself from making decisions that will have very negative consequences for my work or relationships etc etc. and it gets increasingly tiring and often I end up doing things despite really not wanting to. curious how anyone else deals with that? *diagnosed ptsd*",5.467402190923316,9.102617492957748,5.934553990610333,66.5658059467919,78.29577464788733,9.916118935837249,30.424100156494518,9.725611199111238,4.5647264475743325,346,16,45,12,9,111,56,71,0.10400000000000001,0.8140000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.1889,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,0,17,8,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,8,1,8,7,3,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,36,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417167952761823,0.3542036411397337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938622171455928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819730806157705,0.0,0.17543571291458546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512592695513016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887823963191829,0.0,0.15309082965578116,0.0,0.38553941282080734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159574162437346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903052414445773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483664923303814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536340457082137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220867016619368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537648207585277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418877078096204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020484860043001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22145998192955912,0.0,0.0,0.1855726176950141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483163492126687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866179916986046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261658948210906,0.10194943337765924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583442091115854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lilalavender,2019/09/17,whenever i am in a public i always think i see the person who caused the trauma but its not them Whenever i go out and walk past someone not even similar in appearance my mind will ask is it them and then panic will arise and even though it isn't them my brain will play tricks on me asking over and over again. I dont know what to do cause every time im in public the same problem will arise to the where it can be unbearable. Any advice would be appreciated thank you,8.746836734693877,5.3709848061224505,8.775204081632657,75.7858673469388,63.18367346938776,12.248979591836735,32.66326530612245,10.125756701596842,2.762114285714286,373,8,81,6,4,123,67,98,0.11199999999999999,0.785,0.10300000000000001,0.0387,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,3,0,5,6,1,1,5,0,13,1,1,2,0,17,21,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,2,1,0,3,4,4,0,0,0,1,12,2,9,14,1,15,0,0,1,0,10,8,0,1,4,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127619881466404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287249820514552,0.0,0.0,0.13311084210121438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36598351078560704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21851210159451634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021606075573805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22940742480735804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25857065419655473,0.0,0.16492054430496778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124432996479404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21143426619789898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757433645351032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976429814999408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22966031983047036,0.0,0.0,0.186857283797135,0.0,0.17091381193222108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187298053169192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15598052711126065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585102540787275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18021235243568565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254231645509563,0.1923148996542228,0.0,0.11413836545136592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390490513190069,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tinkerelle91,2019/09/17,"Supporting a partner with PTSD flare-ups My partner is the best person I know and I feel so guilty for feeling overwhelmed at times. He was abused for his entire childhood, and has always been anxious and hypervigilant, but a few years ago started experiencing intense ptsd episodes. At least, that's what we think they are and what a couple psychologists have said. I am having trouble finding information, and he has had such bad experiences with the mental health field that he's become jaded. He is open to emdr and I'm trying to find him a reputable therapist, but he is so unbelievably smart and analytical that I'm afraid he'll out-logic a psychiatrist. Does anyone have experience with someone who goes into day-week long altered states from ptsd? He says he feels like he's ""exploding"", his brain is swimming and he is so so anxious that he ends up drinking until he basically sleeps for days until the switch flips and he feels better. I don't know what do to. He isn't himself during these times and obviously he needs a professional but is somewhat resistant to the idea. He's just gone and I don't know what to do during these times. I guess I'm just venting, sorry. Just wanted to post somewhere where someone might understand.",5.695253549695742,7.37534789655173,6.109939148073021,75.5642697768763,67.8793103448276,8.389858012170384,30.457403651115627,8.841846274778883,2.552477890466531,1000,39,174,17,17,322,136,232,0.09300000000000001,0.82,0.086,-0.3857,0,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,1,0,1,2,9,9,0,2,10,0,22,4,2,0,1,42,42,20,0,2,6,0,4,1,2,2,1,2,0,3,11,17,1,0,13,2,0,2,3,4,0,0,5,7,13,5,19,35,4,22,0,1,0,0,29,6,0,3,13,102,24,1,0.0,0.14067541803563852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105246818824254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987927188045212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682617957151465,0.0,0.08301864849516384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913443765977227,0.0,0.13112775450057146,0.0,0.0,0.12459961765828788,0.10500687446170014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325417418293767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137228398487,0.0,0.15314181909503286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10390126276634523,0.0,0.0,0.11631001952664985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051593767864142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322810865441096,0.0,0.0,0.2401334511740839,0.08482060482774746,0.0,0.0,0.2170338031216104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079427889610132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12620424317580853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403151129655752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575240674055397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580053912018071,0.0,0.0,0.1050721516368612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196517297587576,0.12595357288142914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803665471897833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036702963858345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371034451820307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163664064651904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293924460795345,0.09441871576577086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881556202922293,0.0,0.20119877692210453,0.0,0.0,0.13290830932688827,0.08403757541270332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347331890648385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378544683761696,0.0,0.07607727248985219,0.0,0.0,0.20769693288504307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060975196069563,0.0,0.0,0.12360192649516392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002992211766255,0.0,0.0952378973451496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645810929346263 ptsd,PaniniPesto,2019/09/17,Explaining emotional dysregulation Hi. Was just diagnosed with PTSD. Had a lot of trauma early on as a kid that continued as an adult. I'm somewhat relieved. I thought I was nuts. But I'm also a little anxious about the treatment plans I'm about to start. My point for this post is... How do I explain to my SO what emotional dysregulation feels like? The very intense pain I feel on a daily basis. I guess when I try to explain it it sounds crazy and I don't even believe it. I just want him to understand a little bit better and that I'm trying to work on it.,0.5489473684210537,3.00029459649123,3.0038245614035084,87.06310526315792,89.87719298245615,5.847017543859649,22.51228070175439,7.3011,1.1348428070175438,440,17,89,8,15,151,74,114,0.11599999999999999,0.762,0.12300000000000001,-0.3102,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,9,5,0,0,8,0,6,2,0,1,0,18,20,9,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,8,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,3,11,3,15,16,3,11,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,3,5,60,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763717971046728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085632927000325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799877410832124,0.0,0.16327766266894184,0.20155262644552524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873811396359221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41533582788921053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193698743776428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866945799373909,0.1318895565022452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20337510527860125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019394916932874,0.3700670416391756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569537418283809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964442158064353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745215936388848,0.0,0.17681089328093613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21580597781496969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067200561955453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656431462965622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506840043747063,0.0,0.0,0.1921915471055148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232736039985784,0.1088911755432783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440249310719946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,enfugz,2019/09/17,"I am afraid that I'm slipping back into who I was before (trigger warning) I went though therapy with a great therapist for a year and a half, and over the summer I had been feeling the best I ever have. I was always warned that nothing lasts forever and I did my best to try to find some sturdy ground to stand on so I wouldnt fall again when the time came. Things have been so difficult lately though. I expected some push back from the universe, but not the forceful aggressive shove that I've been given. I am noticing all of my depressive behaviors starting to come back. I'm always sleeping or can't sleep at all. I'm not eating, I feel sick to my stomach. I have been dragging myself to work, but admittedly have called out more than I should. I'm drinking a lot, maybe four days out of the week. What scares me the most is my suicidal thoughts are coming back. I'm trying so hard to hold on, to remember how far I've come and that I'm not alone. But the desire to hurt myself is growing. I'm scared of who I know I can be if I can't get ahold on these feelings. I'm scared of my thoughts, thinking about death again. I feel like I've been doing everything I can to be strong, but I'm too scared to admit to the people I love that I'm having these thoughts again. I don't want them to worry or feel like I've failed them.",3.2467689530685924,4.223812765342963,4.210055956678701,89.5469250902527,72.97111913357398,7.2728519855595675,25.0413357400722,7.554174236665415,1.0271459927797837,1044,31,229,12,20,338,147,277,0.16899999999999998,0.6940000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.9242,0,1,1,0,0,2,26.0,0,0,2,5,18,17,1,5,13,0,29,7,3,2,3,51,61,18,2,6,10,0,6,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,12,2,1,14,1,0,8,7,10,0,2,15,6,30,7,30,42,9,36,0,3,0,1,8,10,0,7,19,154,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599835182437574,0.0,0.0,0.1703181519350362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31478734899413363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870878905295515,0.0,0.2148091161795266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045054881709312,0.11705519131523845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644829603967705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06600393209100032,0.0,0.08814943009902851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025894527968184,0.0,0.10472428535313368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925767349688891,0.0,0.0,0.09198091100184773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25874304121717623,0.1462302974863854,0.0,0.0,0.09354129712799616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05347093619518827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283550820677385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168084221221788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956222990130712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624602797374186,0.0834246753997369,0.11544939723706228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10000100362971756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700989285218635,0.0923701818173176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028191121391933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09820260011723453,0.11652023819460165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095300098778602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593671250609727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098600137697981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20483743327260065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724401793502308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194860482617897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704020331816807,0.118830206182875,0.06799334042900035,0.06557841818468513,0.20110650146363604,0.2437510281052992,0.059678078505546836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389708082541304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060365617322645004,0.0,0.08209482878034853,0.0,0.0,0.09487465906693217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450823655489001,0.10393611684640576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590669855476038 ptsd,SheWolf9906,2019/09/17,"I'm horrified and I can't move. NSFW. TW: rape, abuse I don't even know if it's a good idea to post here. Last time I dared talked about my trauma on Reddit, I got harassed for months through my DMs. I guess I need to let it out my chest. Maybe I'll delete this later. English is not my first language so forgive the spelling/grammar. I'm just getting out of a panic attack. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. My head was feeling like it was underwater. I just found out that my bf has been watching abuse porn. I saw what he watched. He knows that I've been through a lot of physical and sexual abuse with my ex. He knows that and my trauma pretty well. I can't believe it. I just saw myself through these poor girls, clearly not consentent, bruises all over herselves, bleeding. And I can't get the image of my boyfriend getting off on them out of my head. I'm terrified. Terrified that the man I love is not who I think he was. Terrified that after I told him everything I've been through, he finds it arousing. He's getting home soon. I don't know if I should talk to him. I don't know if I'll be able to look him in the eyes. I guess that my writing is pretty messy, representative of the mess I am right now maybe. I don't necessarily look for advice. I just needed to tell someone.",0.8707642820380848,3.0689683358208977,2.455928975810604,93.91470149253729,83.92537313432835,5.3383427689140515,22.674215131240352,6.647476241863616,0.4734795162120435,1006,36,224,11,29,328,139,268,0.20199999999999999,0.7090000000000001,0.09,-0.9876,0,0,0,0,3,0,36.0,0,0,1,1,11,12,3,1,8,0,23,10,6,0,2,41,49,8,0,8,10,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,2,15,9,0,0,11,0,1,2,12,7,1,1,11,8,39,5,28,33,2,21,0,0,7,4,22,10,0,6,9,136,54,0,0.11327605806109366,0.4026408172929188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069205292947168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886786910719344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276233270654135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481776801740501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180521690292252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572757785204091,0.0809244385124719,0.0,0.0,0.10353226489901883,0.09635255711966516,0.0,0.12420135088703495,0.0,0.0,0.2367282601601596,0.0,0.0,0.09501058315547233,0.09059721159629328,0.0,0.2495726976200044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23250783142844775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362512220050952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787488154179902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31126779542766275,0.09233510607386257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11583244405520818,0.0,0.055340960173947566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19024671893417106,0.0,0.0,0.09630325377337194,0.10223606499271903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276020513188049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041586882773274,0.2407890458903751,0.0,0.1679855234731619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290504744453804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848715122796528,0.2304849490522109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096737134654308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597843640046222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209400929737926,0.09900826758975984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258272411879367,0.0,0.0,0.0660521803973521,0.0,0.0,0.10824012781619788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018487801046042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pretzelkoala,2019/09/17,When does EMDR start making you feel better? Talking and thinking about my trauma is bad enough to make me just want to give up on it and not go anymore. Will there ever be a time I don't feel like shit after sessions? I feel worse than before I started. I just want to feel better.,2.316724137931036,4.052828258620689,3.3788275862068997,91.49893103448278,76.75862068965517,4.64,20.220689655172414,3.1291,-0.3544455172413792,221,5,45,0,5,71,46,58,0.179,0.65,0.171,-0.3707,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,6,6,1,0,1,0,4,1,1,2,1,15,17,3,0,2,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,4,7,3,8,15,1,9,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,7,30,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070843659564429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434843193052355,0.0,0.0,0.17768274972156434,0.0,0.0,0.36935265557574987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273188073234484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575754330110986,0.0,0.0,0.18888147054078647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223243875145883,0.14917459357433085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20031050261592587,0.11867208223172865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201448899382283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787658782769896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143414526597029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29559494848264023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678343423110099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379763356986552,0.0,0.0,0.121759351644495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24632423197545786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279621035221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dstptaw,2019/09/17,"I can't sleep even with abilify I started having a hard time staying asleep. I'd wake up constantly. Yelling for my boyfriend. Hyperventilating as I woke up. I don't even remember having bad dreams that triggered it. I'm taking abilify which used to make me very tired. My dose was doubled and even with that I can't sleep more than 3 hours I just want to go out Weed doesn't work (legal here) Abilify doesn't Good old meditation and some hot tea doesn't I just want to sleep I'm about to go for a drive I guess",0.7315457184325105,3.146976349056608,2.2843396226415105,93.20790275761976,87.39622641509433,5.903047895500728,20.41799709724237,7.321109707123232,0.549549492017416,407,13,91,7,13,132,67,106,0.111,0.833,0.055999999999999994,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,2,0,9,8,5,3,0,15,21,3,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,1,0,3,6,1,0,0,2,3,11,1,14,19,3,12,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,5,51,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528829368148709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19786875092430029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628124172018033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081227373097608,0.15357768726082455,0.0,0.0,0.20170804362502084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402387233380614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803190763749136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222223385747058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921352694666698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20741943542450414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5497041943591368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960088981378082,0.1951628992603448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767029037174802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067685384833451,0.21044938485848194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814176816051295,0.0,0.15107873608585515,0.21599719352842955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330079857040902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mrwnmonm,2019/09/17,"How does PTSD decrease your desire to study? Are you still interested in life? I am trying to figure out the answer to that question. I found a book called ""Why we do what we do: understanding self-motivation"", in it's description it says ""We are all inherently interested in the world"", so that got me thinking, maybe this is reason, because PTSD effects this desire, so as a result you won't have any motivation to know something new. What do you think? and is there a way to fix this? Sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker.",2.8343689320388346,5.188564135922334,4.465834951456311,81.3902087378641,77.54368932038834,6.838446601941747,24.863106796116504,7.908726449838941,1.542985242718447,418,15,79,7,10,140,72,103,0.033,0.852,0.115,0.8537,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,3,4,0,2,5,2,0,0,6,0,11,1,0,5,1,22,17,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,9,5,0,0,11,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,12,2,11,14,1,8,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,2,57,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927443866115627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484724105135338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091288269937464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922625572951553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22455813657992146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380128613821834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255548449251622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465984450502764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575417320703926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978019673741511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4788122239356209,0.0,0.22942849752168565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105736738084049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628691745118021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2136563052398785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766891252559675,0.0,0.2292624555446135,0.0,0.0,0.16355755587551682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624615780682663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904916681994475,0.0,0.0,0.2132092517152596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256469431884918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848046778177896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,frogs-and-lilacs,2019/09/17,"Narrowly avoided becoming the victim of a disturbing crime. I’m struggling to move on. Two summers ago, I (23F) narrowly avoided being kidnapped and beheaded. Another girl was kidnapped outside my apartment building in the middle of the afternoon. The killer was a friend of my co-worker, and he murdered the other girl in an incredibly depraved way. This girl was targeted at random, and I was out walking to the library at about the same time. I avoided it by pure luck. I was living alone at the time, and I slept with my knife and pepper spray for months. In fall 2017, I moved to a different country for graduate school. The trial started this spring. I tried to avoid news from my hometown, but it didn’t completely work. I lost a bunch of weight because I couldn’t eat. It was random chance that this other girl was killed, and not me. I graduated from my program last month, and I’m now back in my home country. I’m not sure if it’s serious enough to count as PTSD, but I find it really hard to be back. If none of this makes sense, I apologize— it’s a bit difficult to gather my thoughts. Any advice is very appreciated.",2.9677697684578384,5.326969665137618,4.209947575360419,83.36897553516822,77.11926605504587,7.455133245958932,27.812145041502838,8.418075326091056,2.2142273481869816,889,38,167,18,21,291,130,218,0.18100000000000002,0.772,0.047,-0.9742,1,5,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,2,4,15,3,6,15,0,12,3,1,1,2,30,20,12,2,3,6,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,13,9,2,4,2,0,0,4,5,12,0,1,11,2,20,3,29,6,5,29,0,1,0,0,7,11,0,5,13,110,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15070283883942048,0.13670748663033366,0.0,0.0,0.15972629967476665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487547279416637,0.16171401775830918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371726426584862,0.0,0.0940116044133783,0.17032482259807255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836923552179225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169763681923754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611279737495835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15780644036102606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935137350874606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095507146929825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915065334693095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815159788414902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15469609629521736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062253111298473,0.0,0.0,0.1257105839272514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361798442340319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835028582307138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294362113869532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461952371080128,0.3278247337253376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18027593163396355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879783152926548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607974308753006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091583179949784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122512709661913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535133477737036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243413566054533,0.1798548465580797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470584015316363,0.0,0.15065137038539872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127248360251502,0.0,0.12241333973571013,0.0,0.18779945930670666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22454924468868934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,northphotograph,2019/09/17,"I’m thinking of giving it a second try with my ex, but I’m scared my trauma will get in the way again.... like it did before. I’m in counselling now, and I might go to group therapy, but I’m scared. It doesn’t just go away. Before, I hadn’t gone to counselling or even talked to anyone about it.... it was my first relationship since the assault. But I’m scared it will happen all over again. Maybe I need to tell him, I don’t know.... I thought y’all might understand better",0.012575757575756795,2.2317051313131344,1.6921464646464663,97.62488636363638,88.59595959595958,4.512121212121213,16.33080808080809,5.985473137389443,-0.6357010101010099,364,8,84,3,12,118,61,99,0.19399999999999998,0.722,0.084,-0.9279999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,2,6,7,1,3,3,0,9,0,0,0,1,15,25,5,0,1,5,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,5,0,2,5,0,10,2,11,16,1,12,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,3,5,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195986481515833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387513927390768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968404211882845,0.0,0.0,0.15426201758460675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520403582992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836319950277124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911282563224196,0.16732140305720414,0.19825599799732166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542407314098566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958577279365154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521374170449035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523026661925495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.370068195521158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293316465990269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872638708586178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5238803224070764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442836180096557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401937355751438,0.15245244958678214,0.0,0.19946667118511952,0.0,0.0,0.11176252608965127,0.0,0.13847152458642178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842103708159725,0.0,0.0,0.18157937426699347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384480046473004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mbcurly,2019/09/17,"Short-Term memory loss? Ever since my trauma, I have been having trouble recalling simple memories such as what I did yesterday, what I ate for breakfast, or what someone just said to me. I realize that, looking back, I have little recollection of events that happen in my daily life. I can memorize information and details no problem, but I can’t for the life of me remember what happened this past week. My entire memory from my trauma on is filled with gaps and lapses. Does anyone else experience this?",5.824472049689442,7.768205173913046,6.850931677018633,69.35369565217391,67.91304347826087,10.039751552795034,30.534161490683232,10.290406445055957,3.6524857142857146,404,16,63,11,7,135,70,92,0.14400000000000002,0.856,0.0,-0.8723,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,0,1,13,13,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,8,3,2,0,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,4,2,13,0,10,9,0,10,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,1,6,49,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636194182742957,0.2397623783142686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993285094653136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477645059211586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547838055528646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21166792004190854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22889854837062626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4138538327462291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305646193452063,0.0,0.2345311618323887,0.0,0.0,0.19650247974354154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22338108523593347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239080089858031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650782920882785,0.0,0.2225891873458794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935686111248984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826886750277714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770203615381945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ral365,2019/09/17,"I let myself feel sad today, and now, I'm happy about it. I've been riding a huge emotional roller coaster over the past week or so. A combination of post-traumatic stress, loneliness, an unhealthy living situation, and other things left this nagging feeling of sadness inside me, like a little lump in the back of my brain. Of course, nobody LIKES to feel really sad, especially when you're already suffering from depression, so I just kept myself distracted with YT videos, music, podcasts, etc, *especially* at work (which is also where my recent trauma occurred.) It felt great knowing I was making good progress at my job, in spite of recent events. At the same time, I was getting more tired of carrying this nagging lump of sadness in my head. It was practically screaming ""Hey, I'm still here! I have needs too, you know!"" Today, however, it became too much. I was fed up with dragging this pain inside for so long, and wanted to get it out of my system. It took some doing, but I convinced myself to let my emotional guard down, and broke down crying in the nearest restroom at my workplace. My boss, aware of my recent workplace trauma, let me go home early, and I talked with a counselor in the company's EAP when I got home. Now, it still hurts a little, but I feel much better knowing I've finally let myself process my sadness rather than ignoring it. It's kind of weird, isn't it? I don't like feeling sad, but at the same time, I *wanted* to. I think I've been trying to block or ignore bad feelings for so long that part of me missed being sad about something. Sure, it hurts, but it feels cathartic to let it process through my system. Has anyone else ever felt like that?",4.9458309630231625,6.294696255451719,5.4760964377624255,80.65978464039009,69.31152647975078,7.825599349857782,28.59826628741704,8.18289091462,1.997751618583232,1322,47,240,18,23,425,175,321,0.23600000000000002,0.6629999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.9938,2,0,1,0,0,0,59.0,0,1,0,3,21,37,3,2,12,0,18,7,2,2,2,45,45,18,0,4,8,0,9,4,0,0,4,1,2,0,21,9,1,5,13,2,0,3,2,26,0,0,12,10,32,11,42,27,8,48,0,13,0,0,3,21,0,3,26,163,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767591134876408,0.07078353499970262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061890103577885325,0.09069167085702427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806076503386811,0.07390436638168274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828224687617276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988093913705584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722699085353764,0.0,0.0,0.07623581657916206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394096218776595,0.19912963772188647,0.0,0.0,0.09871500309100788,0.0,0.08006476024470305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132825908561201,0.0,0.16997205113144395,0.0969612826703312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248841381079732,0.0,0.050303779319482406,0.07424021217697754,0.07079165276298957,0.09758551016840833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422336284060503,0.0,0.0,0.09083951579273453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757081160100144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950924704508296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783514835881523,0.0,0.0,0.09217230528860047,0.14593271449726114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616925426034724,0.4525509126475262,0.0,0.17297124126344834,0.1774258587536932,0.07815829243094677,0.1566618215505022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590828818325821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301339657140343,0.06563100915242552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418370123496812,0.0,0.0,0.09585057550257108,0.08449534076337836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847706524699517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670347070552765,0.0,0.2621866937528988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949192822179326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814136305139776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137263479766218,0.0,0.10139094262985754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342212603235702,0.0,0.0,0.07114311604777956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05880387228512464,0.056715332755558436,0.0,0.0,0.10322487715767643,0.10173227154979768,0.1677992872084957,0.0,0.0983408120273145,0.06009427988370256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441410964828847,0.0,0.070999509605058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443826408468198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FasterMellyFaster,2019/05/30,"What is the difference between a clinical psychologist, a therapist and a psychiatrist? I currently see a private therapist and have been going for a year. My doctor knows this, he has also referred me to see a clinical psychologist through the NHS. I have been trying to figure out what the difference between these two professionals would be, and that had also bought up the term psychiatrist and now I am all sorts of confused. I was wondering if anyone could explain to me? I want to make sure I don't waste a chance for help if it's in front of me by not understanding who they are.",7.7632432432432426,7.4965499639639654,8.421396396396396,67.63587837837841,62.87387387387388,12.445045045045047,37.41891891891892,11.855464076750405,4.637929729729732,470,21,84,14,6,158,75,111,0.039,0.8740000000000001,0.087,0.6062,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,11,0,14,3,0,1,2,22,24,8,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,6,0,1,2,2,1,0,1,5,2,11,1,15,16,2,9,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,5,4,70,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239137591901877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416081868945027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169744682396692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42318505654241295,0.0,0.20728998856819236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509799744330107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574631928458553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130086995004056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518509889525662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32276784473129205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19087471714214266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4702876203336924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374992369555939,0.0,0.1978346999938667,0.21083268669047747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945280342672793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196266182966715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438659153079841,0.0,0.0,0.13041761612223415 ptsd,staceykf1,2019/05/30,"3rd day anxiety attack Hi, I am on my third day of an anxiety attack and was hoping to chat with others about this and how terribly guilty I feel for not being able to make it stop.",2.503859649122809,3.835432894736844,4.565789473684212,84.88885964912285,75.3157894736842,8.224561403508767,20.561403508771924,8.841846274778883,1.2128666666666663,142,3,30,3,3,49,32,38,0.371,0.5710000000000001,0.057,-0.9246,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,9,6,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,3,1,7,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,22,6,0,0.2820743549342827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43157221890652997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6418006006275784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3638292470069097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262526924082886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801634806891853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882868222618964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23582679117858055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwawayname778899,2019/05/30,"ED treatment team dismissing my triggers Ok all, I made a throw away for this because I don’t want anyone in my life finding this post. I’m currently in a treatment program for anorexia. I won’t give the name of the program, because it’s a small program and I don’t need them googling the name, finding this post, and bringing down wrath upon me. But I have been in this program 6 months. It’s a “transitional living” facility specifically for eating disorders. I also have CPTSD. When I was a teen I was groomed and abused by an online predator. I was friends with this guy for 10+ years on and off. I lived with him for 6 months during college. All he kept in his house for me was grilled cheese and ramen. I can’t eat either anymore. They are serious triggers for me. I can’t even do the smell of them. There are a few other food, but these are the worst two. Yesterday, as new girls got here in the last two weeks, the dietitian went on a tangent about likes and dislikes and how we can only have 2 dislikes and if we are presented with something not on our dislike list (we take turns cooking dinner for the house) we are expected to eat it. So I ask, calmly, “what about trauma related foods for me?”. To which she snapped back “you’re just gonna have to work through those. It’s not an excuse” meaning if someone cooks something I’ve been clear with the program about being a trigger for my PTSD, I’m expected to just eat it or I will get in trouble. I’m so not ok with this. Yes I know I need to work through my triggers, but not like this. I’ve been working hard on things with My EMDR therapist. I feel that there is a difference between carefully controlled exposure therapy and what Lynette is trying to do. And I’m scared shitless now. I suggested she talk to my EMDR therapist about this plan. She got pissed at me for suggesting it and changed the topic. Am I wrong here? Is the solution just being forced to eat the foods anyway?",3.0423960535588463,4.906978788113694,3.9242048390885604,87.81553911205074,75.07235142118863,6.964810899694622,28.523138360347662,7.793537801064563,1.7532935400516791,1529,65,309,22,33,490,201,387,0.128,0.805,0.067,-0.9792,1,0,2,0,1,0,42.0,5,0,3,6,20,14,1,1,23,3,31,13,1,7,3,58,54,23,0,7,14,0,2,2,1,3,1,0,0,2,22,21,11,2,5,3,0,3,9,7,0,2,12,3,43,7,51,37,5,33,0,0,0,0,26,16,1,3,14,214,65,10,0.0,0.11143598382242358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521317717453778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093274096626919,0.06576319373952627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792572138587576,0.0,0.08836474646389064,0.0723200159351806,0.0,0.11466618836064385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589206136023253,0.0,0.0994943159754582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548707242583537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982640957115152,0.10779149199711806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4811922721634008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062120315887040214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047555407607672316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192325220211355,0.0,0.3411833693079342,0.0,0.07266417451986767,0.0,0.04913817496238843,0.09022304069209376,0.0,0.0,0.15044360589686462,0.0,0.0,0.09312605232859664,0.0,0.0,0.08425192423933071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170462607309596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051688400469072616,0.07666475636425503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643155603018885,0.09189790122308893,0.0,0.166098895634213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899407149401453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024499643061998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014247234623018,0.0,0.0,0.13947641127405774,0.0,0.09083579844468044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715306193823988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015122029298009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994150170406493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416224261152736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968977083296458,0.14481131557277588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707152361992893,0.07559526084806059,0.0,0.0,0.10755641096852893,0.2184027390474697,0.06248382571947773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385498718152705,0.1023013326482795,0.1837498521718984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547417862452991,0.0,0.07544266749679793,0.0,0.0,0.08718694544097744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20541245531638969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10283086060993436,0.0,0.060566264876219536 ptsd,cinnamonbicycle,2019/05/30,"Nightmares I've been unpacking my trauma in therapy over the past few weeks, and it's triggered some really intense nightmares. I tried implementing a relaxation routine before bed which helps some, but every few days I still get these dreams. They're profoundly disturbing and they affect me for days after. Does anyone have experience dealing with nightmares like this? I'd really appreciate any advice. Thanks.",7.5969565217391315,10.684783115942034,7.022536231884061,65.1972826086957,65.66666666666667,10.397101449275363,33.23913043478261,10.504223727775694,4.539104347826088,341,15,45,10,6,106,58,69,0.08,0.6679999999999999,0.251,0.9116,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,8,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,3,5,3,4,8,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,7,26,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506369833612161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442055061563586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793422861194337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21825229074026428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308269218402402,0.2644277371920068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22445426820334044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21610209725538515,0.0,0.0,0.25089435830525103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400432874954438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191841634787025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530702021715248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448466992768058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286254014565711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048315486128877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23613957543496414,0.29331623865924883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741384310898993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573910253528235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lunamosag,2019/05/30,"Anger boiling over into hot tears at 3 am I’m so tired... but I’m too angry to sleep. At least once a week, 3 a.m. hits and so do the angry tears. It’s at 3 a.m. that I wake up from another nightmare. Then I spend hours tossing and turning, fear turning to anger. I wish I had someone to tell everything to. Every little thing that I hate about him. Every last stupid detail down to his most subtle bullshit.",0.4885714285714258,2.79634023809524,2.155047619047618,94.57328571428572,87.09523809523809,4.312380952380953,19.114285714285714,5.6839178017228535,-0.2283771428571426,316,9,67,2,10,103,60,84,0.37799999999999995,0.588,0.034,-0.9897,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,4,1,2,0,3,4,2,0,0,6,10,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,0,14,8,2,12,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,4,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507513902337545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616971741717705,0.0,0.19291006379317935,0.0,0.0,0.2415365246134131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191857397689354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138315991092804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496521047682645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21513177012633244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285910788542441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21480110323681575,0.0,0.1818689341474333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876101421698798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426013234355369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246704102899264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669466140040213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217614486106836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24683240855116134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kookymaid,2019/05/30,"In-patient care for cPTSD? UK I have cPTSD, am autistic, and a few other co-morbids. I am considering going privately for inpatient care, for some intense therapy, and hopefully a complete break from everyday life. I'm finding it increasingly hard to keep myself safe. Has anyone else done this? Any thoughts? I'm speaking with my Psych soon to discuss, so will have input from a medical professional.",3.808951486697964,7.032247422535215,4.93737089201878,73.71510172143975,81.8169014084507,8.225978090766827,33.24100156494523,8.841846274778883,3.9282475743348986,321,18,49,9,9,105,56,71,0.02,0.7859999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.9089,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,7,2,0,0,0,9,15,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,4,8,12,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,31,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689933178692664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376190969818822,0.2546248432433874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5067390057984698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605549172715872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543089952646771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20759575524864124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227130944571258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14123228520032394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261350793816595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468235760962599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208844871239978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552788092604207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25034471186554863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28418947297782754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19728684176079647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rosehelmen,2019/05/30,"I finally convinced myself I suffer from PTSD Hello, &#x200B; I grew up as a shy kid whose isolation triggered a megalomaniac and narcissistic personnality. I induced pain to others because of this personnality, but I also induced great pain to myself. During the first 19 years of my life, I had a deep faith that a mature behaviour and a mature art could only be achieved through the process of self-destruction: I wanted to enjoy the shower after going in the mud. As a teenager, I constructed a imaginary world in which I was the most valuable person on the planet. I never weared my glasses in school because I was so shy that watching another student in the eyes would make my heart explode. But, I was friend with everyone in the school, and everybody loved me. Especially girls. And I took advantage of their love by giving them false hopes just to maintain this feeling that I was loved, that I was important in the life of someone. And I was loved by my parents greatly. And I lost a great part of my life playing video-games. And I regretted losing this great part of my life instead of using it for what I was good for. I decided to leave my country at seventeen for the adventure. The new society - film school student - I became part of was what I always craved for: ambitious, beautiful, intelligent people. This was the first time I enjoyed unperverted joy for a long time. However, someone still enjoyed it: my room-mate. He was a homosexual narcissist, megalomaniac, psychopath that fell in love with me. I was a still a teenager, and I had never encountered evil. I am not going into the details of its personnality, because it is too painful too see how low a human can fall. After 3 months close-quarter with a man that still haunts my dreams, he was excluded from the appartment and from the school. What happened during these 3 months I will not speak, but it was the triggering of the descent. I fell in love with a girl in school less than a week after he got excluded. Did I really love her, or was I just completely lost after such an experience? I don't care anymore. You can't imagine how nice she was. The epitome of joy and simplicity. An easy-girl four years older than me, and I always craved for older women. I loved her but never told her. She cheated on me. Beginning of the descent. I manipulated her to make her pay for her acts, and it worked. I had to comeback to my country for some time, but I could not stay longer than a month because I was really in love with her. So I came back to her and we fell into cocaine. I was 19. I did psychedelics at a young age. I did shrooms, DMT, Pharmahuasca alone in my room at 17. I can easily say that I was naturally attracted to drugs, and got easily hooked up. The girl as well. So falling into cocaine and ritalin came smoothly. For six months, we took cocaine everywhere. On the road, in her room at her parents, on a mountain, in the street corner. We ended up like desperate junkies. It was a really stressfull period fueled by anxiety, adrenaline, mood changes, love and pain. One day, after a 24 hour session of cocaine and ritalin, she was losing consciousness and my arm and my chin were totally numb. Fortunately, I managed to make her feel better, but my health did not improve at all. We headed to the hospital, but the road was blocked, and I was ashamed, and I felt that I was dying and I was ready. In the end, we never went to the hospital and I took three Oxazepam and I slept. I was completely destroyed, I lost all my landmarks. My heart was tired and I could not breath enough. Still can't. My mentality switched and for the first time of my life, I was convinced that a mature behaviour and mature art could only be achieved through health. However, everyday I felt pain, and everyday I felt as if lost my health forever. A year and a half from this day, I have never touched any illicit substances, expect shrooms (but I could not breath and my heart was painful and I bad tripped). I discovered meditation and it changed my life for a moment, but I quickly fell into depression. The symptoms I struggle with are shortness of breath, cracking longissimus at each huge breath (felt like a syringue in your back), heart tiredness, derealization, constant anxiety. My muscles contract each time I hear someone walking. When I discovered that I had none of these symptoms when I was in peace with myself, I understand that my issue might not be visceral and might not be fatal. I had to convince myself that I had PTSD because diseases do not come and go when you want it. This was really hard to accept because I suffered (and still suffers) from the ghost syndrom: my will wants health but my body has learned to destroy itself. That was a long text and, at the end, I had to cut it a little bit because that is a long story. Accepting to receive help is, I think, the greatest step I made.",4.813067864889987,6.492641822125815,5.531889680818097,78.86144468546641,70.04121475054232,8.652519367833904,31.826526185311433,9.159459690764724,2.904714050201425,3848,172,699,78,70,1249,372,922,0.135,0.6509999999999999,0.214,0.9986,5,2,5,0,0,0,135.0,5,3,2,15,24,68,5,2,62,0,70,47,14,12,8,131,121,61,3,13,23,2,9,2,1,5,23,3,3,8,39,57,0,1,16,5,1,22,18,28,1,8,62,15,130,39,109,45,15,127,1,12,3,10,57,46,0,7,60,518,169,15,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551016942343256,0.0,0.03514002289764681,0.07312574032558616,0.047610625646491316,0.053393764384708726,0.02988174486570868,0.04607652190847877,0.06723029505826139,0.0,0.04357818688633796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757664311994402,0.03668933922132205,0.18750442709393286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03886270935351715,0.04797276622505453,0.04880913007682717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051480040888244,0.04480131485579452,0.0,0.09296861727965676,0.03785173426473358,0.09214370910734516,0.047485179675425926,0.0,0.17541866693439775,0.0,0.0,0.05667729885179944,0.0,0.03784677241993936,0.0,0.04560436707519479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05095822027392924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116757449932614,0.04540334322529475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0419880116808185,0.0,0.04298324467306852,0.0,0.0,0.044436312226582994,0.0,0.16876302571619314,0.048135794478687134,0.0,0.1121299200797454,0.0,0.0,0.0339491144024052,0.0,0.0,0.042152716251545305,0.074918946495066,0.036856067669354314,0.0702881058162514,0.19378275254610108,0.0,0.0,0.03885734679936729,0.0,0.039362976783583546,0.0,0.045096683359784895,0.18683115165039785,0.04952529398238963,0.20828368207593115,0.029453078991502818,0.0,0.0,0.043643850660746164,0.04327355229449757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04586353733977119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046527731949299114,0.0,0.0,0.18622319819916505,0.0429352205894881,0.0440409534453572,0.0,0.11666060468359278,0.0,0.0983186567800312,0.19186946785574727,0.0,0.3965894329323597,0.04157853487291812,0.08799393052909628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04428272359402715,0.0932300312721596,0.0,0.0,0.14029482902743118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945207088052058,0.04243900014840343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02977591559850957,0.0668390220279456,0.28054129407318895,0.0,0.0975837301851038,0.14275317351388808,0.0,0.030463521748010317,0.03836804607021378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273058611305128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260026835204873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0349440655875902,0.0,0.22235585391832235,0.03501570752300818,0.0,0.04584059547108155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169453852269652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046835820684489896,0.17545879927836966,0.0,0.0,0.04593722426689844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134414196818763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028155955925150605,0.0,0.0,0.1281132874665969,0.05050432069696057,0.0,0.0419880116808185,0.14646195840999734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04574467880832279,0.0,0.03795137049287998,0.0,0.0,0.07775355251529209,0.0,0.035247242077609084,0.0,0.03950870952380082,0.040734235333021084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03198995466148802,0.0,0.0,0.031214799709358088,0.0,0.053393764384708726,0.08489070723484073 ptsd,tele_novela,2019/05/30,"Do you ever feel blocked from telling the full story? How do you deal with it? I've noticed now on many occasions that I feel blocked from telling people the full story or deliberately omit some parts of it, if I feel like I'm getting to close to telling them about my trauma. For instance: I described in another post how my PTSD influenced my break up. Since then, I would talk about the break up to some people, family members or even friends that don't know about my PTSD and, as they don't know that I've been through something traumatic, I just hide things from them. It makes it so hard. This happens in my relationships too - my trauma affects so many things in my life and how I relate with people. I want them to have the full picture yet I'm the one who doesn't want to mention my trauma; then I'm just left with some kind of a half-told-story. I'm stuck in some kind of ambiguity the whole time. Have you experienced something similar? How do you deal with it?",4.677311657414748,5.4934791340206175,4.949587628865982,86.15611816019033,69.51546391752578,8.031086439333862,28.840602696272803,8.139509932561175,1.6920456780333069,768,27,162,10,13,242,98,194,0.11800000000000001,0.8390000000000001,0.042,-0.9277,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,4,4,0,16,7,0,0,7,0,10,1,0,7,1,35,25,14,0,4,5,0,4,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,12,7,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,5,23,4,28,22,9,21,0,0,0,0,18,12,0,8,7,110,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973974931225128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27478028864428744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802013532360513,0.12054562988790557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563018143545726,0.0,0.20214804222541552,0.09520439085001177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102960044279993,0.0,0.06962535119121545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784561151269553,0.0,0.11937907376879815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27754953778106795,0.14647768411936316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479258159560485,0.0,0.09412886055131553,0.06510644373026374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895528050460245,0.27021915567112464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15172284389352553,0.0,0.0,0.09030366896058653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431277835294712,0.0,0.2771670722471739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763082867877726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115588103340932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307650886929088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023800937788783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518748836182604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711318824857564,0.3494378945939303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707040657571368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770776930476735,0.0,0.0,0.1273402154366553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720604893175194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878537613453094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466748151872048,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Imnotohfuckingkay,2019/05/30,"How to achieve enough stability to begin EMDR? What can I do to become stable enough to start emdr? I’ve tried the beginning steps a few times, but just the resource development/safe space have triggered a lot of major symptoms and debilitating feelings. I’m currently diagnosed with ptsd, bp1, and gad, anxiety is through the roof and affecting my ability to leave the house more. I’m still trying to adjust my meds, and I’m in DBT but I’m always too much in emotion mind to actually use the skills. I’ve been in a heavy spiral downwards, in emotional pain, and I just want to make some positive progress. Feeling pretty hopeless, would love some input!",6.424836065573771,7.5134884918032805,6.896844262295088,72.77756147540988,65.72131147540983,10.034426229508195,34.10245901639344,10.125756701596842,3.610947540983607,524,23,90,12,8,171,85,122,0.086,0.7090000000000001,0.205,0.946,1,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,8,0,6,4,0,5,0,24,19,8,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,1,15,17,9,13,0,1,0,1,1,6,0,3,6,54,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.17360078715660646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802368284462916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608991620386926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964721021872788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18056064639597172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002180032675245,0.0,0.3676281455883092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989907681006204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20526804360875736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883661268078317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124077660036833,0.16055804202058965,0.0,0.11874692921076985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19760229867748969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962419888203007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130773993543079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18929383531169372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809841377290578,0.0,0.0,0.20795084780728715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591567030901793,0.0,0.14206793690452882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849020090629134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373256009554843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415593477495867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15364498477129238,0.0,0.0,0.10492764149643552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263721800740513,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AGirlALifeAPerson,2019/05/30,"I had a panic attack A lot of depression and feelings of rejection came up. I cried a lot. It triggered me into an intense feeling of fear, I felt like someone was after me. I’m having trouble calming myself down. I still feel somewhat in danger. I was traumatized as a child witnessing the near death of a loved one and problems that arised from that such as lots of fighting, parents who were equally traumatized and no therapy until adulthood this past year. I am pumped full of adrenaline. I cannot fall asleep. Advice?",3.511530612244897,6.199451785714286,4.366693877551022,81.21044897959185,77.06122448979592,6.777142857142858,30.20816326530613,7.908726449838941,2.4902946938775505,417,20,69,7,10,134,74,98,0.353,0.547,0.1,-0.9834,1,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,12,3,2,7,0,7,2,1,1,0,15,14,6,1,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,9,0,1,6,4,10,3,16,8,6,13,0,2,0,1,5,6,0,4,6,58,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19341042383869775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22516873184286212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263739456613196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21741177339569853,0.0,0.0,0.17047286903811182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272111726816052,0.30023110890486343,0.0,0.1900394362706279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669635967185038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5048073272582977,0.17863541364113372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341193828628921,0.0,0.0,0.23222282789288065,0.21977274933134566,0.0,0.18894220337141632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938789076792956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677015609730954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806349127518962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263449602571161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274574773635865 ptsd,pyland99,2019/05/30,"Get guys. Anyone seeking to reach out to others about there military experiences and warm others about their service is advised to visit r/DontEnlist . The subreddit was created to shown the impacts of serving, and I have seen many stories on here that would really help us out. Thank you!",6.4632352941176485,8.741473705882356,6.272696078431372,72.7996323529412,66.84313725490196,9.02156862745098,34.318627450980394,9.516144504307137,3.7071921568627455,233,11,35,5,4,73,43,51,0.0,0.8029999999999999,0.19699999999999998,0.831,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,4,2,10,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,0,27,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572854202715346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599344126645916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19224333974181126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643371641360997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466350962707252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730525739522848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357238952261067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387671208120225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4426092544202572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26138744725500485,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,antiorbs,2019/05/30,"how long do your visual flashbacks typically last? my therapist only recently suggested ptsd for me and i’m only just now realizing that i’ve possibly been having flashbacks since childhood. the way i always pictures ptsd flashbacks were images that lasted a long time, like several minutes at least. my visual flashbacks seem to only last a couple of seconds at most (although the emotional side of it definitely lasts a lot longer). is this normal? if not, are they even flashbacks?",6.606071428571429,9.24289222619048,6.790000000000003,67.75500000000002,67.21428571428572,9.085714285714287,34.61904761904762,9.606745405546679,4.0361619047619035,393,19,54,9,7,126,65,84,0.0,0.9079999999999999,0.092,0.7652,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,8,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,6,1,6,6,3,14,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,11,39,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361902176249936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18110261730111535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18411167697960784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810540163174473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5336659454744784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07996304734590895,0.0,0.0,0.2896933978720621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391501270820094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603661666894069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734452840531165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845183004364222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826532440474804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160873027517686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900303220540626,0.0,0.1849054909158213,0.0,0.1353931601566696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003860077863485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095439862478216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12991712520910614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nbdy007,2019/05/30,"Today I found out: how can I have PTSD at age 19? Anxiety and depression I could understand, but how can I have PTSD at age 19? I joined Reddit recently just to ask. I thought war veterans had PTSD, not teenage girls that have seen nothing by comparison. I have the symptoms/voices/see in panic attacks, it just doesn't seem valid or fair to people that have had it worse with me (mine is terrible family, men taking what they wanted, and losing relatives.) 19? I'm an average college student - do I tell my friends? I feel like this just happened at the wrong age, too early somehow (or maybe I just haven't met anyone like me yet :/ )",3.03920177383592,5.120386756097563,4.216437546193646,84.74886917960093,75.7479674796748,7.724759793052478,26.62897265336289,8.575989854853784,2.019071544715448,493,19,96,10,11,161,85,123,0.255,0.6509999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.9768,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,9,10,2,1,3,0,14,0,0,2,0,22,26,7,1,2,8,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,6,2,15,3,9,19,0,12,0,2,1,0,7,5,0,4,9,62,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843738118113618,0.0,0.0,0.1173944111926037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569569192710281,0.1910020728255898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340485813534828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460565230490213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827420334499304,0.0,0.0848915443072758,0.11994250859593306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408557254430366,0.12971340802491124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484668736983229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404768975562062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878288766564388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867068526246534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109747995009058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969857942616754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639559075200692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.588772402506754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577369001019168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284311948580215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623434240195494,0.0,0.14674553453494785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332879724030713,0.0,0.0,0.15914255576895436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17478211999580462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990274067560351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109690516189774,0.0,0.1835642043411942,0.0,0.0 ptsd,brassysmom14,2019/05/30,"[TW sexual assault] What is your mindset around anniversary time? I’m stuck in a rut and I guess I just want to hear that this happens to other people too. I guess it doesn’t have to be sexual assault related specifically but for me it is so I added the TW. I’m about two weeks away from 2 year traumaversary. I’m used to all the other symptoms showing back up around this time: nightmares, intrusive thoughts, insomnia, etc. But the one thing that always really messes with my head is that I start questioning the whole assault again. Which is scary, because I know deep down that he raped me. But then that voice comes back in the back of my head that starts with the “but what if...” and then I can’t focus on anything else. I’ll start googling consent definitions and laws. I’ll write all my feelings and thoughts in my journal every day. Nothing helps. Even if my situation matches these definitions perfectly... my brain still seems to think that it doesn’t apply to me. And I feel like if someone else explained my situation to me as their experience, I would have no doubt about it being rape. So why can’t I accept it myself? I just feel very defeated and this sucks.",3.5810176991150438,5.7506826327433656,4.167442477876108,85.31063274336285,74.44247787610621,7.528849557522125,26.34424778761063,8.395991825355821,1.8022361061946897,929,34,181,17,20,294,131,226,0.185,0.772,0.043,-0.9894,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,1,2,15,12,6,1,7,0,13,7,3,1,3,42,37,18,0,5,9,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,22,11,0,0,11,1,0,1,5,9,0,2,3,5,25,3,24,31,4,26,0,1,0,2,8,10,1,8,16,124,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10565972934651746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449589359168944,0.2260829440345135,0.0,0.0,0.11930437085669615,0.2929254373525107,0.0,0.07740743909955254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175462259033442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938430106556304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189329817530035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121554043296344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161921061421515,0.08387083651454919,0.0,0.10698835142195127,0.0,0.0,0.1242133885652433,0.0,0.0,0.19261871546654188,0.09071642381703096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797713895409574,0.0,0.1122903297160432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606416474967715,0.0,0.1431186647735057,0.0,0.0851137873150508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978633839086051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620373040562714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184326839653575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604672360718557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803377438656289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422496188146178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134833114475779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560022686786856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28546761679714705,0.0,0.0,0.1075919793062068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696368997784104,0.0,0.1014085008133905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198358436819296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436162400158059,0.0813653487622326,0.0,0.2016200650757397,0.1480891978025081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404358856694922,0.0,0.0,0.10967223078366732,0.0,0.10477397719301516,0.0748976514327015,0.0,0.10185781481458127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458208225529633,0.14177158341846374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020482457235457,0.0,0.0,0.08177265725704476 ptsd,combatPanda1980,2019/05/30,"Constant, unrelenting anxiety attacks I'm a combat veteran. I've been in the VA to get therapy, I take the meds the psychiatrist prescribed, I go to the groups. None of it seems to help. Every day I have these anxiety attacks that just won't stop. I constantly feel like I'm having a heart attack, and I'm afraid that I'm gonna die (I've even been to the emergency room at least a dozen times completely convinced that I really was having a heart attack). I hide in my home. I only leave the house to murder my body in the gym, trying to stay in shape, for two reasons; 1, because I was really fat once and did have a heart attack....and 2. (The real reason) because I have this constant feeling of fear that I may be attacked at any second, and maybe I'll need to defend myself. My wife and kids are incredibly understanding, but I still feel like I'm just a freak. The way people react to my anxiety actually makes me feel worse. I feel their discomfort and it just makes me feel like they are judging me. This is not just a once or twice a week issue, its every day. Sometimes all day every day. I don't know what to do. I don't know how long I can live like this. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just need to express myself about this. I feel guilty even complaining about it to the people in my daily life. Anyway, I don't know what I even expect anyone to say. Fuck it.",2.6135710970137715,4.166929558718866,4.418198978802415,85.14680334210121,75.47686832740214,7.449234101810305,23.249419774098715,8.18289091462,1.2546873278663149,1070,31,222,18,23,363,143,281,0.179,0.7559999999999999,0.065,-0.9788,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,2,0,13,17,7,3,18,0,21,7,5,6,1,39,49,8,2,3,9,1,7,4,0,3,2,1,2,1,16,5,1,1,14,1,0,1,7,12,0,4,5,9,31,5,25,40,3,24,0,0,1,1,9,9,1,3,16,138,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.07590564778963847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052895567305167465,0.0,0.17851289875385568,0.0,0.0,0.05438815513773927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5309409671006102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483241440969674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640012946661156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155470486645823,0.2521695632709057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20065614572131832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08072717570130153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541261541091655,0.0,0.19660830658681613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752826116091585,0.27530834767456924,0.16670602200361564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07190975549297612,0.04063876054476743,0.0,0.04420625585477637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765220933381285,0.05213675871810584,0.0,0.0780233695774623,0.0,0.0,0.08975191919250203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118594938520145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824362308200302,0.0,0.0,0.08236168228935092,0.0,0.0,0.054940911016608966,0.1520047012421755,0.0,0.06868441137258105,0.06883610595292422,0.06531869790250425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384241606741833,0.0,0.07814415783552851,0.0,0.08640012946661156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535122099566116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656741536795192,0.0,0.059157991010558075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785081475101448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853485281947712,0.09966042980359367,0.15994914849705827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618567015250074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708113376938473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693004493723013,0.0,0.0,0.08290704965332135,0.062118144494054874,0.06503063643866634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848364439601692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895241294065731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045356287260535984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052810010458173066,0.0,0.07598334948607573,0.0809755503781061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061741061837680314,0.06239337341298476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926821155280557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bloodmeats,2019/02/19,Accepting that you didn't have a childhood did anyone else repress their sexual/emotional abuse until they got older and now have to gradually accept that they're never going to have a childhood? it's fucking exhausting.,10.420769230769233,10.271969666666667,10.168846153846154,56.88865384615386,57.46153846153847,12.928205128205128,40.01282051282049,12.161744961471696,5.5143743589743615,183,8,24,5,2,60,31,39,0.221,0.657,0.122,-0.6361,0,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,1,2,0,1,5,1,1,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,5,8,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,3,2,3,5,0,7,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,6,19,6,0,0.0,0.4379899972087738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584768407331923,0.3787632466059466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3088058542835484,0.4158209203021097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34174732293545834,0.0,0.0,0.21008790103375316,0.0,0.2956531286691364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851067578703008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nertneert,2019/02/19,"Sunshine and Rainbows Partner doesn't get it Sorry, this isn't quick. I need to explain. I've PTSD for a long time (caused by the death of two boyfriends, two children, cancer twice, childhood sexual abuse, physically and mentally abusive marriage - the list is just ridiculous). I had it under control, then I was involved in a car accident. I was stopped for backed up traffic, the person behind me hit me at 75 mph, spun me across the interstate and rolled down the embankment. Woke up hanging from my seatbelt and my friend paralyzed (temporarily, but didn't know that then). It stirred up things I had settled. Went to therapy, got everything settled (again). Fast forward to a year ago - I get with this great guy. Things are going very well and I'm finally happy. I start having paid from the cart accident again and I go to the doctor for a few more months. I find out I have a permanent injury they can't fix, amd the pain is persistent. This affects my 12 year career, changes so much for me, and I have trouble leaving it behind like I could work everything else because it's THERE every damn day. Enter more PTSD: angry, irritable, need quiet time to calm down but I never get any, feel overwhelmed all day every day, and I never get a break from it. Wonderful boyfriend isn't so wonderful anymore. He's one of those people who have had a mostly charmed life and never had to deal with anything especially hard besides the regular punches of life. I need his support, I need him to curb the triggers that he's able to. I need extra help while I get my shit straight again. But, he doesn't do what I tell him I need, then gets angry with me when I'm not able to keep things together (housework, cooking, laundry, my demeanor). I've told him how paralyzing it can be. I don't know if I haven't explained it the right way, or if he just doesn't care. I'm back in therapy, but every time I get a smidge better he's to the point he wants to break up with me and causes a setback. How would you handle this? How do you explain it so a complete outsider understands? How can I explain that the quicker he supports me the quicker we can get back on track without making it sound like it's completely his responsibility?",4.4175768561484885,5.862923236658936,5.0493554234338776,82.8505296548724,70.6937354988399,7.800493039443157,30.63812354988399,8.278499904357787,2.237067807424593,1749,74,334,26,32,562,226,431,0.134,0.741,0.125,-0.7385,0,0,0,0,2,0,61.0,1,2,1,4,19,19,3,1,24,0,30,7,1,10,4,65,72,29,1,11,11,0,2,2,2,1,5,2,0,4,24,16,1,4,11,1,1,7,14,6,1,4,12,5,45,13,42,56,7,57,0,1,1,0,32,17,2,6,34,220,69,3,0.1588968792740543,0.1882668189297741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042624809368184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054027663356260434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879150368736115,0.0,0.0,0.06537929637550073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832728380640985,0.0,0.04843103138897563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026568854998565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100297917088488,0.16323086517428842,0.08404591464881964,0.0,0.1666003547792077,0.0,0.08910818069086975,0.06343311427179504,0.0,0.0,0.1537130128813797,0.08190785269649731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131884448713678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636897671562897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081621093189853,0.0,0.14280626936159835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04017151823899305,0.0,0.0,0.0870318822133137,0.07261443449840144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138166738319153,0.0,0.33206824477541885,0.0,0.09030475827146488,0.0,0.06354217493081425,0.08759218517745325,0.0,0.07866644610654304,0.0,0.08457434133134749,0.07117019665087455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053252614387467166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07061742358468674,0.0,0.0,0.08732556933662924,0.0,0.0,0.08412442612652761,0.0,0.0,0.112233564970259,0.07762898902191102,0.0,0.0,0.07030936898217452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05303245038495996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006534068169416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341498653594776,0.0,0.05840374458784245,0.35346006781999395,0.18382660346705607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383631883982845,0.0,0.0845387413052843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055079544552847394,0.06937131302187897,0.0,0.0,0.07510445546211045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857419487332748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678485333511221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155268158265278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889360236340957,0.05623401449396248,0.0,0.0,0.06642245300218934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803142955869861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944143807448913,0.0,0.1817124294502236,0.0,0.15834603912387255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138981072179333,0.0,0.0,0.07591638876126228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521916243116798,0.08270862756185678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555328321424944,0.04686074813601074,0.06306247336340369,0.0,0.0,0.07143368860771404,0.07364949950338043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658546068591422,0.17231688748564364,0.057839410282105014,0.0,0.0,0.05643789203105155,0.0,0.0,0.10232438061366568 ptsd,pricklypointycacti,2019/02/19,"Every time I close my eyes, I see the gun pointed in my face Trigger warning: Domestic violence &#x200B; My goddaughter's father is a violent schizophrenic who refuses medication and enjoys alcohol and recreational drugs such as Xanax, exacerbating his already fragile mental state. He has physically abused my best friend throughout their relationship, even knocking her out a few times while she was pregnant. &#x200B; One day, me and K (my friend) leave the baby with him at my dorm while we go run errands. (Yes, I understand how foolish this was in hindsight, but it was wintertime with a high of 20 degrees and we didn't want to bring a three month old outside). My dorm was stocked with everything he needs, diapers, wipes, formula, and the works. He calls her about two hours later, screaming that the baby won't be quiet and he's going to kill her so K needs to come home. We order a cab - five minute waiting time turns into thirty due to the weather conditions. When we enter, we expect to see a bloodbath. Instead, the baby is unharmed. He starts to beat my friend up. Starts hitting her with the gun. Drags her out in the hallway. &#x200B; Then, he grabs the baby. He has my goddaughter in one hand and the gun in the other. I try to grab the baby from his arms and he points the gun right in my face. I remember taking a few feeble steps back and putting my hands in the air. I felt like I was floating in the room after that. I felt like I was watching everyone from afar, or from the ceiling. I felt so disconnected from reality. Sounds were muffled. From that moment, I felt no fear. My heart wasn't beating fast, I wasn't shaken, I was just... there. I remained calm the entire time. Didn't make any noises. I think that, coupled with my goddaughter miraculously not letting out a single cry or yelp throughout the whole ordeal, saved all of our lives. All he had to do was move his index finger and we all would have died. I forget why he decided to put the gun down, but once he did that, he tossed the baby on the bed (she had a heavy snowsuit on and was not physically injured as a result), but my friend grabbed the baby and ran to a different floor. She was crying in the bathroom. I was still in my withdrawn state, and I recall telling her, ""let's act like nothing happened."" I had to go back in the room and he is still there. He says he wants the sweater he let K wear back, or he's going to beat her up again. Not even ten minutes after he tried to kill me, I had to be the middleman in delivering clothes and returning other belongings to them. I didn't want him to get riled up again. I did what I was told. &#x200B; I have never cried about this incident although it happened a year ago. I have never been able to shed a single tear. ",3.995818036711892,5.645398811918068,4.712257249268422,84.0507960893855,72.0540037243948,7.572386272944933,28.055732907688217,8.192908349453996,1.8748570896515035,2170,82,420,33,42,697,266,537,0.127,0.7909999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9726,1,0,2,5,2,1,92.0,7,0,2,5,20,16,3,1,39,1,41,15,9,4,5,70,72,31,3,7,10,1,11,3,4,2,6,4,6,0,13,32,1,2,8,0,0,14,12,5,0,6,31,19,66,11,58,33,9,81,0,0,4,0,54,32,0,3,35,281,79,4,0.06908053652427867,0.08184913964834331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06123572754770775,0.07382608481177498,0.0,0.0,0.07623208985090177,0.0,0.0,0.29939492985005056,0.3357616524740645,0.04697713370904458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935600550038578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249576115181508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705389514582971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059506765406935114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643629973131029,0.2276451767994731,0.044551231167961385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07169469050203564,0.07217445762516407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011149074933872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125408572045886,0.0,0.058203331440814327,0.0660094130303042,0.062085131889312785,0.0,0.0,0.0777348091221781,0.0,0.0,0.2653125933522863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134858046279109,0.0,0.0360917291399365,0.0,0.15704024347334594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217538061288853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186076839108554,0.0,0.07298737962254072,0.06929341061651828,0.0,0.06803041326200461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528547570622471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314631373715708,0.0,0.21191858683685788,0.0,0.10124778225924418,0.0,0.060999379365037076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046111794549113266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695913729071705,0.06961693290088067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055139425186917376,0.07342167781961956,0.0,0.10244468503290532,0.10655833689502893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628463790741836,0.0,0.07248840248519947,0.0735685168535403,0.09362151873437707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060687163623996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138890038758234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416664355798165,0.07825478143622426,0.058994400742095075,0.0,0.054935615333817515,0.0,0.0,0.11009648744527167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779111861490927,0.0,0.11033561140651156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051939966287411474,0.0,0.060379433770119034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04426401845494765,0.0,0.0,0.16112566551306326,0.0,0.0,0.0660094130303042,0.0,0.09380229946894923,0.07513978676298767,0.0674816463896727,0.07191527477774391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223647077101403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233443942305051,0.07712595202117388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050291453334894015,0.0,0.0,0.04907283112942756,0.0,0.3357616524740645,0.04448560062727887 ptsd,MJ520,2019/02/19,"wandering through the fog i think that's what i am doing = wandering through the fog = sometimes it's hard to breathe in fog. &#x200B; my head feeds me images/memories - just a rush through my head, him as an individual, then things tied to knowing him - intense stuffs - maybe even the reason for what happened i dunno = and that trips off other stuff = it's like a kick it back day, 'cause i don't htink they are gonna let up. punctuated by moments of intense grief, compassion, sadness. &#x200B; i don't even wanna hear that = better place - bullsh1t.",2.302500000000002,4.921112027777777,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,81.5,5.822222222222222,27.51851851851852,7.1686216300943375,1.5330407407407405,441,20,85,6,12,140,76,108,0.076,0.812,0.11199999999999999,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,6,0,6,4,3,2,0,8,11,3,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,12,1,1,0,3,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,11,2,13,9,0,10,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,54,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427112050127108,0.3843394428024455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160768987949995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987094027595642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16246375055261775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199375203861227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089133419544204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139851639884818,0.0,0.14167145488229307,0.0,0.3246153245509287,0.0,0.1782466933467438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691517684736369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171922549662618,0.0,0.0772641662754247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888306493462753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523322793907788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16260467609353574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641452494646468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362088129285602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506792071768084,0.10133621909360746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3843394428024455,0.0 ptsd,jrkyodai,2019/02/19,Tired of being scared I'm so tired of being scared. I'm tired of the panic attacks. I'm tired of the flashbacks. I'm tired of not being able to function properly. I'm so tired of it. I wish it never happened. I hate having PTSD it is horrible. Each night I am so scared and miserable. I can't go outside my room at night without having a panic attack. I don't know how to cope with it. My insomnia has gotten so much worse ever since. I get triggered easily and it sucks. I can never get the attacker off my mind. I can't stop remembering. I don't know what to do anymore. ,-0.035840220385672694,2.204190595041325,2.7692231404958685,89.57625895316806,89.3305785123967,5.540716253443526,19.63691460055097,7.0316486544052195,0.5534987327823693,446,14,94,7,15,156,64,121,0.34299999999999997,0.55,0.107,-0.9876,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,11,5,6,4,0,14,7,0,2,3,17,29,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,1,0,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,8,11,0,0,1,0,12,0,13,25,2,10,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,6,62,18,0,0.10222270189208786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10137745221756053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3488792422519276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924662862215234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681428530437236,0.0,0.058095517208363076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039519768751596,0.0,0.0,0.10092375488709687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123578472105676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321578849435116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514544778551241,0.0,0.15768089905770966,0.0,0.0,0.19185816193997765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23987263111767995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194928682108947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157983941189312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3070282724655247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455967534538933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546275601137891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7049397495481795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175510623317301,0.09853903679834897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041736663577811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwback712,2019/02/19,"Vet with PTSD character Trigger warning: I'll be mentioning major and possible symptoms of PTSD. Hey guys! I'm writing a story (just for hobby) in which one of the characters is a veteran with PTSD (I don't have PTSD). If you've got the time and feel like it, I would very much appreciate your insight on some questions I have. I've done some research, and it seems to me like this condition is extremely diverse in that everyone experiences it a little differently, and it often overlaps with other diagnoses... So yeah please help me out haha. 1. **Can you have spontaneously appearing intrusive thoughts that aren't flashbacks?** Thoughts that aren't directly related to one's specific traumatic experience, but are somehow negative, fucked-up, maybe violent thoughts or even fantasies? Do you need to be stressed in the moment in order for such thoughts to appear, or can they become a casual occurence? 2. **Do you visualize intrusive thoughts similarly to flashbacks?** So, assuming you DO have intrusive thoughts... Can they be as visual or ""real"" as flashbacks? 3. **Do you think of anything when you dissociate?** Do you have intrusive thoughts WHILE you dissociate? Or any thoughts? What are they about? Do you only dissociate in stressful situations, or spontaneously? 4. **Do you or have you ever had problems recalling a certain aspect, or the entirety, of your traumatic experience? Is this possible in general?** Thanks for reading, and also thanks if you answer any of these!",3.5806059695512817,6.817165183593755,4.80828125,72.28102964743594,88.5703125,8.875641025641025,33.12660256410256,8.914623046629139,4.41743982371795,1181,68,178,40,39,387,142,256,0.115,0.7929999999999999,0.092,-0.9272,1,0,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,14,3,0,11,11,1,2,9,2,30,2,0,1,2,50,48,22,0,5,11,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,13,9,0,0,15,3,0,2,4,4,0,2,11,1,22,7,27,33,4,18,0,0,0,0,23,10,0,18,7,133,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478526146805403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718910909152276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695626594285239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328183447114588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491746963289388,0.0,0.09770503476610662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570003994683678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061766890332391584,0.08459119807031862,0.0,0.08935920278765659,0.0,0.2744317954188953,0.0,0.0,0.04728484722705794,0.06680834046863597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479383816671642,0.0,0.0,0.09259622362076586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268226460280113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137505992315294,0.09372828891736416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395008241869486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874552572035092,0.06934143907756246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673865580402716,0.07112365511525702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265324069899523,0.0,0.2108520287672481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948284054522126,0.43726401463133147,0.0,0.10476009266490184,0.0,0.09354199477015593,0.1064424641548207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513408035591241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511667531240043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142460998902702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719964555178784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219520357442966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059921717520747535,0.0,0.5939344337495693,0.05453033271280548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716106131654994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643157190696103,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,puffbutt_,2019/02/19,"Sometimes your stress has to do with your location # Joe Rogan Podcast #1247 - Andy Stumpf [https://youtu.be/bz1Masw5QDs](https://youtu.be/bz1Masw5QDs)",24.544375,29.756289687500008,11.3,42.545000000000016,27.125,11.4,41.0,11.20814326018867,5.213324999999998,129,4,11,2,1,28,15,16,0.157,0.843,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6535188238296072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7569102634397071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Infected356,2019/02/19,"I have trouble making male friends I don’t why I’m making this post. I cant find talking too males so I naturally gravitate towards females. As a male who’s been hurt it’s hard, especially in person... I always have to watch my back.. I am really lonely but to those who have the same problem, I do need some to talk too. Anyways sorry for making this post, I’m just gonna downvote it myself. ",1.4839814814814822,3.5623567037037063,3.8007253086419763,85.84701388888892,80.72839506172839,6.025308641975308,23.70524691358025,7.1686216300943375,1.03185061728395,307,11,62,4,8,106,58,81,0.166,0.8059999999999999,0.027999999999999997,-0.7962,0,2,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,3,0,10,15,3,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,2,9,1,7,13,2,5,0,2,1,0,9,2,0,1,1,42,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778937329372247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735391040731471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062735106643059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436494698362442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20217091022265146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24160222801944095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519427767606094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734379230178836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970608788081999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322908528580629,0.0,0.0,0.21595164568222772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458064788396865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526377289343548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36279676297379204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364709951929344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,garrulous_penguin,2019/02/19,"I don't know what to do (potential trigger?) So I was hit by a car going 70mph 4 years ago, from it I haven't felt enjoyment or happiness I fake smiles when I'm with family and my girlfriend when in reality I'm just lost inside my own head I feel very alone most days and have developed and overwhelming fear of death and on top of that the fear of death is getting to the point where I don't go out because of what could happen. If I'm in a car I would imagine the driver swerving into the incoming traffic and I would see the outcome in my head in detail which makes me uneasy obviously, to the point where I will reach for whatever I can hold on to usually the door inconspicuously so the driver wouldn't think I'm strange, same if I'm walking near a road and a car comes up from behind I move in as much as I can and in some cases clench my fist or even jerk my arm back as if I'm going to launch a punch?. I struggle to watch shows or movies now as I'm not paying attention rather just staring through the screen this lasts for about 3 seconds after I notice I'm doing it and as is the same in work as I work I just kind of stare into nothingness. Every so often the memory of the accident would play in my head and it's as if I can't change the thought until a certain point in the memory. It's sad and it's scary and I feel alone I don't really feel like I'm on the same wavelength as other people if that makes sense? I just can't relate to anyone any more and it makes me feel bitter I don't really care about life not that I'm suicidal it's more of a what's the point. Should I consult a doctor as I'm unsure if this is ptsd or something else I just don't know who to talk to or what to do.",4.405933179723501,3.724860814516127,5.878248847926269,84.4695161290323,69.88709677419354,9.236251920122887,26.854070660522275,8.704169506293173,1.587581259600615,1341,34,310,20,21,459,173,372,0.151,0.795,0.054000000000000006,-0.9873,0,2,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,19,16,2,4,24,0,25,6,4,5,2,67,58,38,3,13,19,0,5,1,1,6,2,0,1,0,19,17,0,1,11,2,1,9,12,9,0,1,4,11,31,7,55,46,9,45,0,3,5,0,4,25,0,14,12,207,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688544699424748,0.0,0.0,0.2263980462543761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743259005841548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642320174772534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404286431258151,0.0,0.06662660941800606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143586457136526,0.0,0.11562203339243032,0.09414993169046697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726498708670236,0.0,0.0,0.07048770576766937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118704007447865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130385544734687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07218982478970308,0.0,0.09208767510444517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303575145370283,0.2459796602546173,0.22105596174001346,0.07808200100357747,0.1049425320378246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710331942727038,0.0,0.1863484945101725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665122663195272,0.11634899041095975,0.0,0.0,0.3365116346924864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381630140203312,0.12013385702376354,0.08909187357554077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719990347517165,0.05339713178454926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193108958083826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21887035586131345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616571500811293,0.0803460791068127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443568141540633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577297440499225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4132850427600117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277626752504822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14003727675366864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709578399571896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414238843999526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142612514536153,0.0,0.11955348822566185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784901618138584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003328588572892,0.0,0.08676983428787742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203755161131919,0.09018170523161577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913944788344198,0.0,0.0,0.2329249624188936,0.0,0.0,0.07038386697085673 ptsd,katelgregory,2019/02/19,"Hi I’m struggling so badly and don’t know what to do anymore. I got PTSD from my severely emotionally abusive father who is a major narcissist. I’ve had a therapist not believe it or even believe how bad it was. I’ve gone into the hospital in the past and when I mentioned I had PTSD, the adult next to me laughed saying everyone is getting diagnosed with things now a day. (I’ll never forget the hurt from that).. years go by with in and out inpatient stays in the hospital but then I was doing GREAT! ... and then I went to college. My roommate was just like my dad and was so manipulative it was like living with him when I was in elementary school again. When things were the worst. No one listened to me when I would tell the hall director or especially the RA. My life has fallen apart and now I’m struggling more than ever before. I have a panic attack at just the thought of going to an appointment. Everything is such a big deal for me to do. Every step of leaving to go somewhere is pointless to me. Any advice? Any help? Or just encouraging words would be nice. 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I am two semesters post-declaring my sociology major and while I have had to swerve around the topic once or twice before it is becoming more and more difficult. Having been assigned a lengthy reading on sexual violence against women, I completely shutdown two pages in. It seems like no matter how much time passes, I just can't get away from what happened. I think I need to get help and haven't been able to admit that until tonight. Where do I start?",6.584666666666667,7.836728355555558,6.780000000000005,73.17000000000003,65.44444444444444,9.555555555555557,32.77777777777778,9.725611199111238,3.2244444444444436,392,16,67,8,6,126,71,90,0.10800000000000001,0.802,0.09,-0.5598,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,2,0,13,19,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,1,0,3,4,0,8,1,10,15,6,11,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,6,49,12,2,0.22812918899287365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030833444003876,0.0,0.0,0.21433488261249173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519507660425188,0.1941211373242253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23918911431957615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23837617112746226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173388841818168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15291018662500316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114523984914848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21586135455808628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770120279067047,0.16915490302375807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429501409461143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184847023228415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22819092399128835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20768024572597926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614710141436478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461759728537117,0.0,0.0,0.1330239646680855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4456981383567985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chocolateears,2019/02/19,"My nightmares are becoming concerning/does Prazosin help you? Hi all. My nightmares are becoming undeniably out of control. I have slept walked/talked, and even texted in my sleep for years. Last night I had a next level, BAD nightmare and “woke up” in a panic, sent my boyfriend some very concerning texts that I have no memory of sending, and woke up this morning to the aftermath. My text messages I sent included things that I don’t feel and would never say while I was awake. I am scared to go to sleep. I had taken a Xanax before I went to sleep because my nightmares have been so bad lately and I wanted a peaceful night, but then all of that happened. My dr gave me prazosin, but I am terrified it will make me stop dreaming all together. My nightmares are bad (clearly), but my good dreams, which I get once a month if I’m lucky, are so so good, and I am so afraid of never being able to dream again. I remember every detail of my dreams, vividly, and I have 3-5 separate dreams every night. I have tried taking it twice and it made me very lightheaded, and combined with my sleep walking that can be an issue, but I legitimately can not function with my nightmares how they are. TLDR: my nightmares are out of control but I am afraid of taking Prazosin. What has your experience been with it? 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Every time I do something or play something to lose my self I'm a selfish pos that doesn't want to talk to wife. Then when she goes off I just freeze. WTF! Do I do ",-2.6785714285714306,-0.9880407619047596,0.06380952380952642,107.07285714285715,99.4761904761905,2.8000000000000003,14.142857142857142,3.1291,-1.7367428571428571,136,3,38,0,6,46,31,42,0.273,0.644,0.083,-0.8499,0,0,2,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,0,3,8,3,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,4,8,0,4,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241897484842548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4304650898761658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014045084766427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5924375811266364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092677758248449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22436554611205994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22695041523041015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Co0kieDude,2018/12/24,"When should I start worrying? So long story short, 2017 summer I was in a situation that my fireteam was almost ran over by a terrorist , very graphical and wouldn’t want to enter the details of this entire thing. After a day when I was on my way home I started breaking down emotionally and everything like that, I saw a psychiatrist and they kept me checked just Incase I’ll develop anything in the upcoming months luckily nothing. Last month I had a nightmare for the first time over the year with out suffering any major symptoms of ptsd, the nightmare was the same thing in the end, i acted as I was trained and once I came back to base I started bursting into tears while rolling a smoke. Waking up in the middle of night soaking with sweat and the choking feeling of that I cried like I did in that time. When should I start worrying? ( keep in mind I’m aware that it’s something normal that might happen but I’m seeking for an answer from more experienced people that could draw the line from “normal” to “not normal”)",5.2030102040816315,6.595197770408162,5.4628571428571435,80.83214285714288,68.74489795918367,8.253061224489796,30.3265306122449,8.634040054169528,2.3642183673469392,817,32,150,13,14,259,125,196,0.076,0.879,0.044000000000000004,-0.7059,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,6,3,0,0,17,0,12,3,2,0,0,29,26,12,0,8,3,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,11,10,0,2,2,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,11,3,17,2,29,10,3,43,0,1,1,0,1,15,0,2,24,103,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688804093440804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296254651858134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124947018452786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511596390772507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635150910380158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914600909955753,0.0,0.15016153368730858,0.08816195397452045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377217550608085,0.12107804636276268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285960222944135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912100951672384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162792752831094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088577576907708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712398776319998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215076706487458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114309732758142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357210093565194,0.0,0.0,0.12097761736608816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450199972929423,0.13803079126934426,0.0,0.21822963532403614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828625489552128,0.40181896228340064,0.1311699596893312,0.0,0.0,0.14558394968621785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947724629316776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979818001483306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365960007748716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524044294197434,0.0,0.0,0.38703559351439626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420864826515236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18163844363729267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594249264798339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279407180847957,0.08063081406582129,0.108508266866272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27765652316197725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803207840082057 ptsd,Cavenge,2018/12/24,Has 2018 been the hardest year so far for anyone? If so you’re not alone. I was diagnosed with this year and its so hard to even live sometimes.,1.311,3.3879067666666667,2.0766666666666684,97.985,81.33333333333334,5.333333333333334,20.0,6.42735559955562,-0.09499999999999977,113,3,26,1,3,35,27,30,0.062,0.87,0.067,0.0355,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,3,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38472445369709796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597361154710797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37702792257583695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24534832666799924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327585884828271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280093277323359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36738718172013934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4784209973089142 ptsd,AJzomboss,2018/12/24,My Military Uncle My uncle was in Iraq for 4 years and was a brave veteran. He can get triggered pretty easily because he suffers from ptsd and the past haunts him. He literally wakes up in the middle of the night to thunder and yells. My cousins see him as a crazy person but in reality he’s a hero.,4.494508196721314,5.10371349180328,6.219795081967213,77.6316598360656,69.81967213114754,9.378688524590164,30.004098360655732,9.516144504307137,2.654963934426229,237,9,47,5,4,82,45,61,0.081,0.752,0.16699999999999998,0.7684,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,6,0,3,1,1,1,0,5,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,5,2,9,3,0,8,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,0,3,27,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363879170204995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025997548469072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639065361309547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701811852755087,0.0,0.3385957250117913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3945130517352453,0.0,0.0,0.4532956567840288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30901153667968706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497184811057234 ptsd,avocat_89,2018/12/24,"Rape nightmares years after end of abuse I was in an abusive relationship for 11 and a half years. It was emotional and physical abuse for the first half and it turned into a series of sexual assaults that my ex still tries to diminish and minimalize (though I no longer have contact with him). His extensive gaslighting in the past continues to make me question the validity of my reality and what actually happened during the sexual assaults. He claims he didnt hear me say no but I remember repeatedly screaming no while trying to push his massive body off of me to no avail. He was 6 foot 4 and over 250 lbs. I was 5 foot 4 and about 150. He tended to assault me when I was asleep so that I would wake up confused about how sex initiated. In particular he liked to do this when I had too much to drink and was passed out or when I was knocked out from taking my prescription xanax. That way it was even easier for him to toy with my perception of reality in hindsight because he knew my memory would be weak and I would be ashamed to tell anyone about being too intoxicated. Each time this would happen I would re state to my ex that he does NOT have my consent to initiate sex with me while I'm asleep. The final time it happened, I woke up in the middle of sex that I hadn't consented to and started screaming no until I could get away from him. Then I ran out into the living room where our male friend was sleeping as he had stayed over the night before. I had been friends with him since around age 12 and these events occurred in my mid 20s. I ran out of the room screaming that my ex had raped me again, desperate to record this fact somehow in a way that I could later verify. I wanted to tell my friend right away so that someone would know what had just happened. He worked to calm me down and that involved some hugging. My ex came out of the bedroom while we were hugging and said we were having sex with each other. This is a lie that he continued to repeat long after the event as a way to make me seem like a slut so that he could be less culpable for raping me. Of course, the first thing I wanted to do after being raped was to hook up with my friend. /s. I ended up moving out shortly after that right after sending my ex a sort of cease and desist letter via email detailing the history of sexual assault by him and threatening legal action if he didnt leave me alone. I never reported the assaults to police for a lot of reasons. Mainly I felt like no one would believe me, as my ex was a good looking and very well liked guy. No one wanted to believe that he would do anything so ugly and I was afraid people wouldn't believe he was capable of raping me. I knew it would be my word against his. I thought people would say he could just have sex with someone else if he wanted easily so he wouldn't do that. I was afraid of my ex spilling all of my darkest secrets and ruining my legal career out of retaliation. I thought no one would believe me because I continued to live with him after the first time he did this. In reality I had nowhere else to go and was questioning my own reality so much that I made the bad choice to stay and give him the opportunity to abuse me further, as I had done for the past decade. Also, I didnt want anything bad to happen to my ex because I still loved him and felt like I needed him to survive. My ex was a master manipulator and part of his charm was the fact that he didnt seem bright enough to really manipulate someone but he would strategically play dumb. He succeeded in distorting my perception of reality for years even though I consider myself to be an intelligent person. (I have a successful legal career and passed the bar on my first try, along with other evidence I cling to in order to prove my worth to my self). The sexual assaults also coincided with a period of immense grief for me, as I watched my mother die painfully of cancer at age 55 during the 2014 to 2015 winter and she passed in February 2015. I was on so many anti depressants to try to stop me from killing myself that there was no way I was interested in sex of any kind, not to mention the immense damper that this amount of grief put on my non existent sex drive. It was in May of 2015 when he first sexually assaulted me, that I know of, and I eventually moved out after the last assault later that year. Fast forward to now. I'm living in my own house with a puppy who is the light of my life and I have done a lot of work on myself in order to heal. I went through emdr and that helped in that it allowed me to be able to talk about my trauma, but the problem was that people close to me were not ready to hear the truth and so this caused me to feel more isolated and unable to turn to anyone for help. When I told my dad, I had to have a long talk with him about how him staying out of prison and in my sister's and my life is more important than us getting revenge against my ex. My dad wanted to kill him. Full stop. I still question whether or not I should have told my dad the whole truth, and I worry sometimes that he doesnt believe me about what happened. The worst part of this that is staying with me now is the nightmares. I'm no longer in love with my ex and not having any contact with him, but I'm still having frequent rape themed nightmares that often feature my ex. I've also been working on getting the right cocktail of meds to keep me stable, and I was on one called mirtazapine that really helped but the problem with it is that it causes intensely vivid dreams which for me turned into vivid nightmares. I spoke with my psychiatrist and tapered off the mirtazapine altogether but I'm still having the nightmares. Recently my nightmares have featured my family members being really mean to me and telling me in detail about what a shitty person I am and have always been. I have experienced quite a bit of abuse from my family over the years as well as a lot of other trauma, and I think that's part of what is drawing out these dreams. Recently though, I had the most disturbing nightmare I've ever had. I dont remember the context or what I did wrong but my dad was mad at me in the dream and trying to punish me so he raped me as a punishment. I was screaming no and trying to push him off me but couldn't. I became lucid in the dream because I realized this would never happen in reality so I started trying to focus to change the dream, mainly trying to manifest a knife in my hand unsuccessfully. In my dream I knew if I had a knife I could stab my dad and get him off me, but part of me is glad I didnt conjure one up because I think a dream of stabbing my dad would be something really traumatizing and awful too. I have a close relationship with my dad now even though it has been strained at points in the past. He has never sexually assaulted me irl. I am afraid to even tell anyone about this dream because I'm afraid it will make me sound like I want to have sex with my dad, so reddit has been my only real outlet. I would do anything to make the nightmares stop. There's a lot more to the story but I think I've written enough already so thank you if you've read this far. If you have any advice or comments, i would welcome that. I feel i need to work through this stuff but I'm not sure how. I also do no have the greatest memory of my sexual assaults any more, as I think I have blocked them out of my conscious mind and I was also drinking pretty heavily and taking xanax daily at the time. Btw, you dont have to tell me what a bad combination that is. I found that out the hard way. I'm a lot healthier now than I was 3 years ago, and I no longer drink or take xanax daily. Unfortunately I also have no interest whatsoever in sex any more, to the point that I've stopped trying to date because I dont think it's reasonable for me to ask a guy to go without sex as often as he would have to while dating me at this point. I know meds have something to do with my diminished sex drive, but I also think my trauma made me afraid of sex. Now if I'm with a guy and getting hot and heavy, I start to feel intense nausea and stomach pain and have to stop everything. If you relate to this post or have any advice to offer, please feel free to do so, and Merry Christmas!",6.203099415204682,5.5070515693779925,6.857007974481661,78.99027804359386,66.20095693779905,9.847379053694844,31.137586390217965,9.180897226168987,2.4220776501860706,6512,210,1333,101,90,2154,526,1672,0.195,0.6990000000000001,0.105,-0.9996,1,1,5,0,4,1,104.0,4,4,1,16,72,88,23,9,77,1,145,48,9,16,11,251,236,125,5,44,35,22,9,6,4,22,11,11,3,7,75,95,5,7,37,16,2,19,37,54,2,12,76,27,210,35,249,122,34,203,0,4,5,24,128,86,1,31,93,965,285,13,0.03231841653861405,0.19146019425838345,0.031538112554054365,0.0,0.0,0.06316236520447366,0.028648326279810506,0.0,0.0,0.03347213280954412,0.03566417629869765,0.1809151822072516,0.02689151153449654,0.0,0.0,0.1318657889518981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779336485323582,0.0,0.07978590931118239,0.028770242621568118,0.030213356798059362,0.0,0.06072843239048941,0.0,0.08095358360574623,0.13790704727269354,0.0,0.02750059211050714,0.18205894143664855,0.0,0.0,0.03528334046366918,0.03589847510892105,0.0,0.0,0.033000716701514166,0.03696365879577045,0.0,0.06639983260542738,0.034188599428747635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901812916297611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027835804808068628,0.0,0.033541413947146506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028282064102906943,0.0661459216671191,0.11363083046474667,0.09497923337449284,0.0,0.0,0.05399578001875871,0.03635386866599742,0.057249048877940335,0.06678712708337599,0.0,0.08538403728603572,0.029233858023441705,0.0,0.0,0.029045708881378036,0.0,0.060933853694381986,0.0,0.0653646498467538,0.0,0.06206149616314555,0.035403245606331415,0.0,0.13745014298937186,0.0,0.03543547561004353,0.09987651379373892,0.0,0.08442519373987174,0.03100277002986236,0.03673460179419153,0.02710715445570244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600094040231387,0.20005348308320706,0.0,0.02895095323465695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285040853997464,0.0,0.06498706008855057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03729111353189603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028726093561062326,0.07151107905640203,0.03365465753303794,0.053284069590037016,0.026343822960565616,0.0,0.03422053670342819,0.0,0.0,0.0456549067406978,0.09473487512695078,0.0,0.08561326171330537,0.05720156327082908,0.027139330291239,0.0,0.0,0.13737981011808706,0.05833726544264975,0.061160934310914634,0.0862911759845685,0.032765801794099374,0.0,0.035204230079014104,0.0717969502178421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032632387759065115,0.0,0.0,0.06869872430433219,0.04751550952109666,0.04792739271642659,0.07477786560528173,0.0,0.0,0.03032864461191177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949897726879483,0.02457961210124076,0.06877814762974868,0.0,0.0,0.13999078281847346,0.09255475647348918,0.06721656227920908,0.056438389484160224,0.0,0.03547591632105738,0.09165404959315436,0.0,0.030952109408521437,0.03287944830024514,0.0,0.06184871985992475,0.0,0.032488935027851724,0.10861206882100856,0.03437461414134038,0.03232716236111307,0.0367854334227612,0.08281602077995104,0.06645742965273765,0.0638210748181182,0.06939576906543997,0.0732209316789323,0.08279925341744553,0.03074221497114132,0.05140180399552642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884294524383363,0.03371515683452051,0.0,0.0,0.02673412813004299,0.0,0.03234175651252868,0.0,0.0821498683678259,0.04976059197279988,0.031963740336460406,0.0,0.06862542470402419,0.13778852771205508,0.12904764597568866,0.1350982167458963,0.0,0.0,0.03699685482330033,0.0,0.0,0.03045972511489447,0.0,0.07289828148142036,0.05195263802775505,0.1412386027330976,0.029754455832555617,0.0,0.0,0.021470919894819303,0.12425001814487588,0.12701072063849986,0.051314425459002014,0.07538051432594824,0.0,0.0,0.06176326395591975,0.0,0.19747875053827071,0.1054594701812457,0.0,0.0,0.038875075834279536,0.0,0.0,0.026666078302744683,0.13343567591041772,0.12826427374942942,0.0,0.0,0.058116275508016686,0.02995949591565525,0.0,0.03608235790817038,0.0,0.031153800257840307,0.0,0.09411276860237716,0.03282092076823363,0.0,0.3902872894221478,0.03533511505495065,0.0,0.12487200389975615 ptsd,jongrooten,2018/12/24,Do you feel guilty about the holidays so you don’t want to do anything? I choose to not do anything but to stay home and I was in a car accident (sober) where my gf who was 16 years old at the time died. I have such a hard time around holidays knowing I ruined another family’s holidays for the rest of their lives. So It’s like I make sure I am miserable as well. Anyone else have this or just me? ,0.4698692810457494,2.5105876470588235,2.5309803921568634,93.7383006535948,84.29411764705883,7.071895424836601,20.03267973856209,8.167268648758528,0.8625816993464053,310,9,73,7,9,104,63,85,0.21,0.601,0.18899999999999997,-0.6382,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,1,0,8,5,0,1,5,0,9,0,0,1,1,12,13,6,1,1,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,2,11,3,10,11,1,10,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,5,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425491873198775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173765298790066,0.2370049029164589,0.380697601938848,0.20591535149104453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400637399302144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323020955792355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21805891709401695,0.0,0.11695751948745428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720873959005395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320232528885676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712218040502252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300660759578394,0.0,0.20425137539825164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440152927418666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242721418842997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24654617523099376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800737261256475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26975798061860984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136432903299986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079758842494492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895635345999902 ptsd,rubatosisX12,2018/12/24,"Dissociating, losing time, a new level... what can I do? I’ve experienced this before for periods of hours, but there are multiple days in a row that I can’t remember at the moment. I know some of the things I did, based on evidence like notes and messages etc. but I remember nothing. It’s scaring me to not remember days. I’m scared about what I might do. It seems like even though I don’t remember it, I’ve carried on like normal for those days. I’ve written things in my notes app that were triggering and vented about things like I usually would. Nothing seems bad enough to trigger this though. Words of advice? ",3.1392954545454543,5.349423975000004,4.299545454545457,83.66727272727275,75.91666666666666,8.03030303030303,25.90909090909091,8.841846274778883,2.0794999999999995,487,18,95,11,11,159,74,120,0.047,0.7859999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.9392,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,2,4,0,10,0,0,2,0,19,15,6,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,13,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,10,4,14,10,3,15,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,4,13,63,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651569096166207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810127763632522,0.0,0.0,0.11016865506705928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504905463912539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377617356386107,0.1443922528325284,0.08551310926505659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750096867863292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115282293614245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25300821981682314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484278865442246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373462388324781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504204859008347,0.0,0.0,0.12685221392769558,0.2484581567705515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5866529370284348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25924227931243243,0.0,0.0,0.2357275840333976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25804052054876153,0.0,0.2544054363559571,0.0,0.07549446433900589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259190533030933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197112298448236,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Nitenitedragonite,2018/12/24,"I am just an object to men. The thought of that makes me suicidal and I can’t sleep but I have to be at work at 6am. I wish christmas was happier. I keep crying. And crying. Everything triggers me. No one will ever truly love me, for me. ",-1.880784313725492,-0.15438221568627594,1.4278431372549036,94.91862745098041,106.45098039215685,4.6196078431372545,17.43137254901961,6.42735559955562,0.10776078431372582,181,6,41,3,9,64,39,51,0.205,0.532,0.263,0.7140000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,6,2,1,2,1,10,11,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,9,1,6,7,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,31,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5947958489361516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449020926264984,0.0,0.0,0.243325902491747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24064837492360866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24435567781639025,0.0,0.18072272189387792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18346212567691828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709380281858011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961483530150592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21493930371350525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113405148179029,0.0,0.0,0.19710376539348476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alien_anteater,2018/12/24,"Continuously being targeted by sexually abusive persons How can I make this stop happening? Any advice? I try to make it clear people need to back off and I'm not interested at all, but of course this only makes rapey people want to hurt me more. Right now I avoid going out and dealing with people a lot of the time. I feel like ptsd makes it even worse because they can tell there's something already wrong with me. I've analyzed their behavior a lot and had other people analyze it with me and its definitely that I'm being targeted, not just paranoia. I don't know what to do. If I could go the rest of my life without ever having to experience that again, that'd be great.",4.215447761194032,5.642232485074628,5.662865671641793,78.3295223880597,71.16417910447761,8.64358208955224,27.579104477611946,9.120678840339163,2.2794352238805966,539,19,103,11,10,182,94,134,0.152,0.727,0.121,-0.6833,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,0,8,6,0,1,4,0,11,1,0,5,3,31,24,7,0,4,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,8,0,2,2,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,1,12,3,16,18,5,13,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,3,8,74,23,0,0.0,0.18022781054605455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486420563006158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678593410536384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344135552904044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696471537796582,0.0,0.09272604486909833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214490303316565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682076153339486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046852137628533,0.13759398515674512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879469435270434,0.0,0.0,0.07691238232718252,0.10866882153799064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289747558997925,0.0,0.0,0.16770398358263608,0.0,0.0,0.13451211243695385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628390096048042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359676046844466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744118267549473,0.07431422491682678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25864031410520105,0.0,0.0,0.40614368374020615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278909811933745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156880073750358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218211483920127,0.13281830469873607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781075251100173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299027909872421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710322578371417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717241778168242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295256611312864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869771277670081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032740425257252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971958080678723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466305106502266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501509240045372,0.0,0.16631055991597676,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Synaethete,2018/12/24,"Tremors after episode So today was rough. Full scale flashback to trauma, probably the worst yet. In the panic attack, I was shaking violently enough to move the bed I was laying on, which has never happened before. Hours after, I still have significant tremors that won't go away. What is even going on, anything I can do to stop/calm them? In general, does this reaction even sound normal?",3.5722887323943664,6.5380068450704245,4.158573943661973,81.05504401408452,79.14084507042253,6.366901408450705,25.77640845070423,7.645422480735847,1.8148154929577465,310,12,51,5,8,98,57,71,0.243,0.735,0.023,-0.9542,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,5,6,2,2,3,0,9,0,0,0,1,3,12,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,6,0,0,3,2,5,0,10,8,3,17,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,7,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582576062206813,0.0,0.0,0.2707207046552354,0.22357691164246746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20249155824971693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20824567004606206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458825137253614,0.0,0.31434862729911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27048314920269245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21043256793485896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23434859770566754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529202221947248,0.0,0.0,0.1835340668079186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331561772267278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792018549363474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565676206519255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003997308182405,0.1989502503488465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255639648358532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,666Karmah,2018/12/24,"Have any of you completely finished EMDR therapy? If so, how much did it help? I’ve done around 8 sessions of EMDR. I have probably 20 to go. I have a long history of neglect. While my dissacociation has lightened up, i still overall feel pretty low. Like I don’t have much hope for my future. I feel physically anxious 24/7 but I was just prescribed propanolol so hopefully that helps.",2.368843226788435,5.198495808219178,3.8993607305936098,81.5529071537291,84.06849315068494,7.080060882800609,28.659056316590558,8.167268648758528,2.538027092846271,306,15,55,7,9,101,57,73,0.067,0.7140000000000001,0.21899999999999997,0.9098,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,0,9,0,0,1,0,10,14,6,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,2,9,3,7,11,2,9,0,2,0,0,3,3,0,3,6,38,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563053018658132,0.0,0.0,0.25854313944059265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20373114884670504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399520905854263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342000515953909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314338356892857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006464221379865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30679589292224113,0.0,0.0,0.4546130520986105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180791439806344,0.0,0.0,0.20253114223404334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33647228735959644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23282972840253655,0.24674643046788455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18276540463291324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617177939970368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,downwiththeillness14,2019/07/23,"My trauma story... I got to the frat house just before 4am. We had just seen a mutual friends band that night, and decided to meet up when we got back to town. He’d bought me a drink when we were out, so I offered to smoke him out. I went up to his room with him when I got there. We sat on the futon and smoked and did a little coke. I remember him bringing up sex, but I’m not sure how. We’d talked about our fantasies before and I’d told him a few months prior that I had some pretty rough ones. We’d never discussed acting them out though, nothing past that initial conversation. Definitely never came up with a safe word or even said what we’d be okay with. He said something about how I probably wouldn’t be able to handle him at his roughest, to which I remember replying that I wouldn’t be okay with being tied up due to recent past experiences. I told him I was too tired and he said “okay I’ll just hit up my other friend and fuck her because I need to cum before I go to sleep.” He was on his phone for a few minutes while I smoked some more and watched whatever was on the tv. Then he got up and asked if I was sure I didn’t want to fuck. This time I told him no again and gave him a reason: I’d already hooked up with my other friend earlier and definitely didn’t feel like doing it again. He asked when we’d had sex and I said before the show to which he replied “long enough for me.” Then he went and turned out the light. He sat on the futon again but this time much closer to me. I remember he started touching me and eventually fingering me. I remember thinking “okay you got this far but I’m about to shut this down.” Which wasn’t ever a problem for me before. I’d been hanging with more than a few guys before when they start something but I tell them to stop for whatever reason and they just do. Instead he just mocked me and continued. “Oh you really don’t want to?” He took off his belt and tied me up anyway, despite my saying I would never be okay with it. That didn’t last long though, I think because the way he tied me up was getting in his way so he just pinned me down instead. My wrists and forearms were bruised from that. He stayed on top of me for a while but then flipped me over and shoved my face in the pillow. I remember him pressing on the side of my head really hard, hard enough to do real damage which scared me even more. So I was just frozen I guess. I didn’t know how I was supposed to react. I remember trying to close my legs but he just pried them back open. Towards the end he told me I couldn’t even deny I liked it because I was wet. And added at the end “I don’t know I’m not any good at it.” Good at it? You think that I wanted you to act out some fantasy I’d mentioned in passing three months earlier? That’s the part I can’t get past. Did he really believe I wanted that or was he just gaslighting me to make me doubt myself and keep me quiet? We’d had consensual sex a week prior to this. Why not try to ‘act out’ this fantasy then? Was this really an ‘honest mistake’ type situation, or was that just part of his manipulation? Obviously no one can answer these questions but him, but I can’t help thinking about it every single day. I have a lot of trouble believing the validity of my diagnosis because of this. Most of all I just really regret telling him any of it. I constantly compare our consensual sex with that night, noting the differences. I know what consensual sex is like with him, and this was completely different. And now I get to hear from other people that he’s still out there, doing these things. His ex gf has a restraining order against him. I have all this evidence of who he is and I just can’t get past that he might have made an honest mistake. Maybe he really thought I wanted him to do that? I didn’t though. At all. I feel stupid and broken. Thanks anyway for reading this far, it helps to not hold it all in.",2.0595273499734503,3.7605316716232977,3.557443972384494,90.09112081784387,77.38909541511772,6.792345547884581,21.937493361656927,7.6583078777640585,0.7427630164630914,3037,84,670,44,70,1002,305,807,0.09699999999999999,0.815,0.08800000000000001,-0.8742,1,0,6,0,0,0,71.0,11,4,5,1,48,32,4,2,29,5,60,17,7,9,11,143,121,56,0,15,28,1,9,3,4,4,1,7,4,1,47,47,2,5,21,8,1,11,23,13,0,3,51,19,117,19,95,53,21,111,0,2,2,7,98,48,2,13,51,461,164,3,0.05545513546664713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119612096674457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542278750988797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036861315365903,0.0,0.0,0.08528315226524832,0.0,0.13521974345803928,0.0,0.2831294149103596,0.12495789511495276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342590155718929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05814365445867516,0.05992730064164481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03576397468709452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158776270774498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054324920766746894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823358013440073,0.1145999580583295,0.0,0.109882781897645,0.050162344896004345,0.04672334339103085,0.0,0.0,0.05424576349259125,0.0,0.0,0.05607956546464412,0.039617159857832714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853350029736085,0.10253475829353463,0.11589207782005505,0.0,0.031516431449793894,0.09302627315668424,0.2217626887785626,0.0,0.061090083783766014,0.05490930275595879,0.0,0.0,0.0993538177588769,0.0,0.056912967795749426,0.0,0.0625019680273935,0.0,0.0743408167184142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398778077950028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04929107241231831,0.0,0.0,0.0914300765261587,0.045203336903652185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127773412574267,0.055580614324398266,0.0,0.09815209963327763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047145973079332604,0.0,0.052472990027622304,0.037016733540171036,0.0,0.055712137253062725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882913522772242,0.0,0.0,0.08852752011324905,0.0,0.0407659053176523,0.04111928027904879,0.12831125751761427,0.0,0.0,0.1040817760030944,0.0,0.053210698113522234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515566996477283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201050152937558,0.2117528067291458,0.03844560847984039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05641780925065418,0.05979001540279792,0.05306307526194663,0.0,0.0,0.062122443226608724,0.0,0.055470142413873984,0.06312008483525884,0.21315587873899888,0.1140342305989656,0.05475525611592267,0.0,0.3769191489067399,0.0,0.21100213170809495,0.04410014952923498,0.055520264828714375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06233389574360565,0.05549518450226981,0.0,0.0,0.0853841451500306,0.0,0.0,0.07850286061861733,0.059107795866888385,0.044286542817983165,0.0463629763667092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453161778548847,0.0,0.0,0.04457273728489408,0.09694046536377454,0.05105563810526656,0.0,0.0,0.03684192788152592,0.14213364650719448,0.1634531671046375,0.04402518316177621,0.06467267089797618,0.06373752043893162,0.0,0.21195903366401106,0.0616126959624992,0.07530079362231615,0.060319263044692616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354437845622527,0.0880354106186757,0.044482764669138135,0.0,0.0,0.10281493231761976,0.050039634264101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03939373714994058,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,waystosaygoodbye33,2019/07/23,"Do any of you feel as though you attract abusive personalities or that your PTSD makes you more prone to tolerating others that you wouldn't otherwise? ***I am NOT saying that the victim is to blame - nobody EVER deserves abuse or anything less than the best in any relationship dynamic. I do not think that people with PTSD are merely crying wolf over and over; I want to clarify that, so that people don't get the wrong idea. Below is merely my experience, and I know a few friends with PTSD/histories of trauma have related to my experiences & interpretations.*** &#x200B; I've realized that whether it be friends, romantic partners, even roommates - I tend to find myself with people whom are narcissistic & don't want to recover or take accountability for themselves, people whom take advantage of me, or whom are abusive. I know that I don't deserve or want this treatment, but I know that my PTSD often takes over, and doubts the ""red flags"" I feel other people would react to, or I allow many more boundary violations than I should. Essentially, I feel as though the ways in which my PTSD has manifested causes me to allow really abusive, manipulative, etc., people into my life whom I wouldn't otherwise give the time of day. &#x200B; Does anybody else experience this? It's really started to fuck with my head, and makes me wonder if my roommate's claims (most recent occurrence of this) are true. Especially since he's started to be all buddy buddy with my other roommate, since I put boundaries in place and I stopped tolerating his BS. It does make me wonder if i'm just such a fucked up person that I don't even realize I'm fucked up - if that makes sense?",6.689757281553397,7.7444873851132705,7.123525889967638,71.50858980582527,65.11650485436894,9.934045307443368,31.954854368932036,10.008157457239328,3.241540970873785,1338,51,229,29,20,437,158,309,0.147,0.77,0.083,-0.9832,0,0,0,0,1,0,54.0,0,5,0,2,9,15,5,1,8,0,21,5,1,9,3,62,50,21,0,10,14,0,3,0,3,4,1,1,0,3,25,11,0,1,14,0,1,1,8,8,0,0,0,5,35,7,35,44,8,20,0,0,1,3,19,11,3,14,7,159,60,0,0.0,0.3438502848741875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144413990212021,0.17631788854021851,0.09867605742606438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05970433295517528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613912690873112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453116248723472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969525726338117,0.046790209385265576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698195356328962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060608108428787576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091495476749186,0.0958401746973904,0.0656276781726643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21291011311988,0.0,0.0,0.1100538167226812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631145660767479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210740127093703,0.20122020210829544,0.037905564431367764,0.06959874445409893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744595561091516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190267707213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961848374514017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05124581100754711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937168033762409,0.07355661006112049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30179163582141805,0.1266996801681082,0.07580167586879137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42404858134379103,0.07293506626702266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295767864318716,0.0,0.07163660977347605,0.0778939816140465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057696473852472174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12003196811986674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270573441080336,0.0,0.0,0.06065694294055213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365082407415038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04648856243572656,0.14256446569347314,0.0,0.04230580967714182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283796185189321,0.05758861161553285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735967492145636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515390480459928,0.07932451328048676,0.17631788854021851,0.0 ptsd,MidnightWhispersASMR,2019/07/23,"Fear of being attractive after trauma? I haven't posted in awhile, sorry if this is the wrong thread, and I have wanted to ask if this is a thing for anyone else who experienced some type of trauma about their looks. Might be a dumb question, but I want to know. In my case, no secret this past year was extremely hard for me. I got extremely depressed, gained weight, cut hair off completely, etc. Anyway, I am getting better now and am trying to navigate the facts that it's okay to be me despite jealousy or attitude from some. Been losing those extra pounds and that consuming fear of people's stupidity is returning. I don't want to return to the same fear, it goes nowhere. If this is a thing how do you deal with it? Quick version: is this a symptom you've dealt with? If so, how did/do you (or suggest how to) deal with it?",4.663508869179601,5.483118067073171,5.334301552106427,83.37300443458982,69.54878048780488,8.402660753880268,26.494456762749444,8.575989854853784,1.7082268292682932,649,19,130,10,11,210,104,164,0.214,0.6920000000000001,0.094,-0.9684,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,1,3,8,14,3,3,7,1,17,3,1,3,1,27,25,14,0,7,7,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,15,6,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,11,0,0,3,5,12,3,21,18,6,11,0,2,1,0,10,3,1,10,7,95,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10779928498709064,0.15796543724262138,0.0,0.0,0.14412818718800602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635088249310487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616443663086681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178851080449543,0.1327864398756183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878929577275433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17194036098707546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5204525109602163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805474890330986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12330387428260015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810608450312473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08472782868121947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946401495593032,0.1724768530102584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635500618752957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717275933413426,0.1068821022333889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765229327254226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270574170821024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258075112022875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024171468130866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048474641452595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046713453165396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728004732247154,0.0,0.0,0.18773758967596416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856074983620395,0.0,0.099280458821011 ptsd,nothingeatsyou,2019/07/23,"I was watching Agents of Shield last night and I was severely triggered. I have no idea how to proceed. TW- Mental Illness/Kidnapping/Death/Childhood Abuse. This is a lot to unpack. I didn't know what to label the trigger warning in the title. I don't really know what this is. &#x200B; Last night I was watching Agents of Shield. For anyone who is not familiar, an agent of the government died and was sent to Tahiti after his director and medical staff saved his life. Nobody seems to know how long he was really dead. &#x200B; Then he starts having nightmares and slowly remembers the truth. He gets kidnapped and put into a machine that forces him to remember. He was never in Tahiti at all. He was dead for days, and he was put into a medical lab for display to the other, higher up members of his agency. His skull was off the top of his head, and his brain was being surgically worked on while everyone, including his direct supervisor, watched. One of the nurses was arguing with the one who was directly operating on his brain, and he was saying ""This is inhumane! Who ordered this?"" The other nurse replied that it was the agents direct supervisor, who was watching from above. They never knocked him out. Everyone stood by and watched him scream. He was saying ""Please, just let me die! Just let me die!"" He found the nurse who kept saying that the surgery was inhumane, and was told the truth; the memory he was brought back to was a fragment of what happened. He was on call for the seventh operation, and he didn't know what the operation was until he was in the room with everyone watching above. It's unknown how many there actually were, but he was 'in Tahiti' for a year. &#x200B; It brought me back to my teenage years. I was abused by my mother. I was bullied by my 'friends'. I have severe BPD from all of the trauma (the parental abuse lasted years) and all I wanted for a good two years was just to die. The pain was too much, and all I wanted was for everyone to let me go. Nobody cared how much pain I was in, including my direct bloodline, my mother. She just stood by and watched, and added to my misery. Just like the direct supervisor did with his agent. &#x200B; I stopped watching immediately and called my husband, who was at work. I tried to hold it in but I just cried and told him that I couldn't wait for him to come home. He knows I was severely triggered but I told him I didn't want to talk about it, I wasn't ready and I still don't think I am. All of that was five years ago now, and the more time that passes by, the easier it gets. I did therapy. I'm on medication. I was actually doing really well until about a week ago, where I started slipping back into a depression. That just punched me in the gut, and I feel like I'm right back to where I started; scared and not knowing how to cope. I'm not really sure how to end this, but that's what happened, and I'm still scared, and right now I don't know what to do.",3.8493421304264683,5.406745779690191,4.63707171543316,84.81318263530315,72.27022375215147,7.8494702620003824,26.680474278064647,8.447377352677275,1.751379774335437,2322,80,465,39,45,748,225,581,0.152,0.8029999999999999,0.045,-0.9967,1,0,0,0,3,0,94.0,0,0,1,3,28,18,1,2,33,0,59,11,5,9,10,88,97,37,6,4,14,4,1,2,1,0,6,4,2,0,33,31,0,4,14,0,0,8,14,8,1,4,51,13,57,10,70,41,9,71,0,1,8,0,54,25,0,2,39,326,90,10,0.0,0.2072499087729982,0.11379686475681293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336984198357001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25269893760281004,0.2833936196262733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04076904495785578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17933544971628154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343460740371087,0.130177986015977,0.11907428159892634,0.0,0.059447048392770874,0.0,0.0,0.050225621409298586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404661378917581,0.03760267012764559,0.0,0.05021903751709479,0.0,0.24205048670263746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051641979695624236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22285625949507232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029481362453676895,0.041653955036095314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392972976233285,0.04504721911103619,0.0,0.06092515737977381,0.0,0.03313675243805607,0.048904467321096164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311994561016337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983897407189288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058485864321214026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658205934313304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22430490702882314,0.14258198489919724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17886609428818218,0.04118338755174018,0.05697092025877165,0.0,0.0,0.051599144909608784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956983917642481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05911332691550576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621206219594898,0.05875892752101556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572351946483532,0.0,0.08993865908010659,0.0,0.0,0.1094328223746378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901956901136438,0.0,0.1240837978276614,0.0,0.06474212586542716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06400268952037205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722765397328892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940975780083535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209909827917304,0.09958633834920526,0.0,0.13910227175555476,0.11674933907762902,0.0,0.0,0.053079767141488814,0.0,0.19760820143843416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238082678622244,0.0,0.09312680009693644,0.04874658708116949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05495289569863218,0.0,0.0,0.04686430832909876,0.0,0.0,0.06667821170074996,0.0,0.0,0.03736025337235537,0.0,0.0,0.03399880929520852,0.0,0.0,0.16714219462130425,0.0,0.03958607687908396,0.0,0.05695667711841153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317150766588697,0.0,0.04676971004631862,0.0,0.05242426867508647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848952040343102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833936196262733,0.1877363792160152 ptsd,bibblz,2019/07/23,"Parenting and ptsd? How do you do it if you have children ? My number one trigger is loud sounds and my son has non verbal autism which includes a lot of loud sounds and hyperactivity resulting in that floor pounding jumping vibration . Have any of you used noice canceling headphones , what helps you stay chill and not take anxiety medicine because it literally puts me to sleep so it’s not a practical choice .",7.101351351351353,8.579927513513514,6.606324324324322,74.058945945946,64.4054054054054,10.244324324324324,36.421621621621625,10.355215969177356,3.9769924324324317,332,16,57,8,5,103,58,74,0.0,0.922,0.078,0.5828,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,6,1,1,4,0,12,8,7,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,4,8,1,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,0,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138807120456964,0.0,0.2406028068763212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19172517993749766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108125055933332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26738906437190285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21312323154629645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34923124117856186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36765073467891096,0.316174040860502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147417370352875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352307143462281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23647583613732076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716396308383613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,k8iew24,2019/07/23,"Going to trial... Today I found out that the guy who assaulted me pleaded not guilty and my case is moving forward to a bench trial. I feel so physically sick and repulsed by the fact that nearly a year and over 5 court dates later, he's still unwilling to own up to what he's done to me. Just when I thought that I would never have to see him again (I transferred schools) I find out that I have to face him in court. The mere thought of this has lead me to feel like my lungs are collapsing and my entire body feels weak and defeated. Going to trial means re-experiencing my trauma all over again, except with him present to see just how much damage he did to me. I don't want him to see how much he has destroyed me and taken my piece of mind. I don't want him to get the sick satisfaction of seeing me cry but I know that going through a trial will bring me to tears. I fear that seeing him again will retraumatize me in a way and undo the progress that I have made in therapy. Any advice or simply kind words would be appreciated.",4.764034833091436,4.905820396226421,5.575660377358493,84.13363570391873,69.09433962264151,8.409869375907112,26.2133526850508,8.139509932561175,1.3498537010159644,812,21,175,10,13,266,118,212,0.14,0.777,0.083,-0.6688,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,10,9,2,1,9,0,16,6,3,4,3,39,38,13,0,5,6,0,3,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,10,10,0,0,9,0,0,7,4,7,0,0,7,8,31,2,30,26,5,28,0,2,5,0,12,10,0,1,13,122,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137492812694423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568249575239936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628871079123866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455504229693015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398746451048092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832938190127074,0.2134301699070887,0.10051786349907167,0.0,0.0,0.1285994967918798,0.0,0.0,0.15427298186244698,0.0,0.0,0.07351122657923771,0.0,0.23989334665709725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13931755378374086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14651995724052455,0.0773263907605185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874011340610171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313606699501634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326622417117552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206937195604372,0.0,0.0,0.14954444474242615,0.20686499086964194,0.0,0.1085184089826487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239839837784146,0.5606082076857378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236516402989202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16090552208764464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234040687145382,0.0,0.0,0.13336947746830405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659799093998223,0.11168306132251944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19990197721218772,0.0,0.0,0.09060776929102073 ptsd,DogsDogsDogs91,2019/07/23,"Afraid of the dark Hello all. So I have a childish fear of the dark, even in my bedroom. I open my eyes like 20 times before I convince myself I am grueling safe in my own room. It's irrational and embarrassing. Does anyone have similar experiences? Or suggestions to get over this ? I have to sleep with a light on or I'm way to paranoid to relax enough to sleep. It's even worse when my partner is gone for the night.",0.995058823529412,3.4076469176470603,2.856764705882356,89.72044117647059,85.70588235294119,6.223529411764706,21.44117647058824,7.554174236665415,0.9360823529411766,328,11,69,6,10,109,60,85,0.179,0.7090000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.7271,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,3,5,0,5,3,3,0,1,7,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,10,4,13,7,3,11,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,2,4,46,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841259149771428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240737731069548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23044117702359734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27208947902667124,0.0,0.3478529356914657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25758650837534736,0.0,0.2963185850264131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757865016550627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864935676785932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24711663676559514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5270387911320565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354938719032726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090184797357658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26835497442042355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NightmaricInsanity,2019/07/23,"The late night problem So it is 3amish here and like every night the flashbacks make sleep impossible, any advise on how to combat this? Running off 2-4 hours hours sleep every day is making the day time coping possibly worse than night.",4.515681818181818,7.0333419318181845,4.2545454545454575,84.1518181818182,72.86363636363637,6.218181818181819,22.363636363636363,7.1686216300943375,0.8651090909090908,191,5,33,2,4,58,35,44,0.165,0.785,0.05,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,2,2,2,3,0,5,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,12,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,10,15,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936005874198606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24535979213247305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205468609811509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746681655939407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21458297415410546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929347111843194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539543808064744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5355420464656807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21445099365835646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820203882550996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807263329359088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109221865509351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938563290886827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,juniorasparagus13,2019/07/23,"I didn’t stop and help About eight months ago, I witnessed a fatal car crash where the driver was ejected and internally decapitated. I was a random passerby and the first person on the scene. I provided CPR and ran the code until the ambulance got there. I did everything I could but she died. Yesterday while driving home, I saw a car crash with the same type of car as the one that I provided cpr at. I got so triggered and drove past it without stopping to help because I thought that the ambulances going the other way were from that accident. But then I realized that the ambulance and cop cars were from a different accident about a mile ahead. I drove past a car crash where I would have been the first responder and could have possibly saved a life. I feel so awful, like I just killed someone. I’ve been having flashbacks and massive anxiety since then. I tried to reach out to friends, but no one answered... so I drank... a lot and restricted. I just don’t know how to sit with these feelings.",3.978141191709845,5.9360105803108825,4.521628886010365,84.12938633419691,72.73056994818653,8.348316062176165,28.64281088082901,9.017664075816787,2.387497668393782,794,32,154,17,16,252,112,193,0.21899999999999997,0.687,0.094,-0.9819,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,3,11,5,1,0,19,1,15,2,0,2,0,36,27,21,3,3,6,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,7,12,1,3,6,0,0,10,4,2,0,5,16,3,19,3,18,8,2,32,0,0,1,0,6,6,0,2,15,110,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782344349490625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127571603940408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165587441780173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662899596976786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307144790687118,0.17422960885402802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498739110850522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686386061233078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836934101783847,0.0,0.0,0.12883902927744306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477404158962044,0.0,0.2667477924689089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22355258293443028,0.0,0.16727474268775405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449618750683505,0.0,0.09164740926793613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778812941691676,0.08147093436656222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417741225088164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331069300533689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22600295348424498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31838422671101874,0.0,0.14560915352208234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879978170323504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794630933821989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129593827084388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788390974655109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323894980499806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321967967505228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323670111672533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16075152129609555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184621326486968,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,istillhaveflashbacks,2019/07/23,Can the brain make up trauma? Like I’m almost convinced I made everything up. There was no proof. People never meet my abuser. Can the brain make things up and convince you they happened?,2.121142857142857,5.0038074,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857146,89.28571428571428,3.9428571428571435,18.42857142857143,5.6839178017228535,-0.0985999999999998,149,4,26,1,5,45,28,35,0.11900000000000001,0.64,0.242,0.6359,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,3,2,2,3,2,7,8,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,4,3,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.3235017472734803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27340504446205266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6095945640994843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453861913782949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241443888548387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339107618868062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25835225425184016,0.3645058743596904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058137153428072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18928804346049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813922765629607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CelesticRose,2019/07/23,"How can I be intimate with my partner again? I can rarely touch him. Rarely hug him. The other day was the first time in months I kissed him and I ended up having a flashback. Its probably been a year since we have done anything more than kissing. I miss it. My PTSD gets in the way. I want to be able to hold him again, kiss him again, feel love instead of fear when I'm with him, but I'm always tense and scared. I want to be able to do more than just kiss. He would never hurt me, but before, I had the tendency to dissociate when I was scared and consent when I didnt actually want to because of this. I'm scared that will happen again. I'm scared I cant trust him or that he will hurt me or take advantage of me like my ex. After anything sexual, I get anxious, depressed, scared no matter how much I had wanted the encounter. I overthink and wonder if I actually did want to. What do I do? I have a therapist. I'm taking medicine. None of it helps. I just want to feel safe again but my body and brain always perceive my boyfriend as a threat. I miss being intimate with him, but it's been years and nothing seems to help.",1.7334798534798566,3.505422042735045,3.1275091575091603,92.48653846153849,78.57264957264957,6.166544566544566,21.826617826617827,7.07126945348624,0.4617181929181924,874,25,196,10,21,285,120,234,0.20600000000000002,0.645,0.149,-0.9679,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,0,2,13,22,1,6,9,0,25,8,2,2,1,37,48,19,0,8,9,1,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,9,10,0,2,5,0,0,0,5,12,0,1,9,3,36,10,23,32,4,21,0,5,0,6,16,3,0,5,18,135,45,0,0.2160600483115007,0.0,0.21084344011536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977926840476835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204317777215412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779901025116188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585410002691293,0.0,0.09192559376929572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199970032113972,0.0,0.1205972346318732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967042847954402,0.0,0.0930461015074027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105522219345974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956825363920328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156381130971868,0.1092464523043708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918902833597178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128824576931252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955305935862964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482049603284572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23129675037766956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527780129952048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750131457430827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862285346145706,0.0,0.07941449784836807,0.0,0.08331941446865275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036577217633059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647463763066104,0.0,0.1262813171666127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5407845008499721,0.0,0.0,0.0983464766674402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936355233310332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624502673254682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12543118445821053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299317583965929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823134432508434,0.08574920479111353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715395294460912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674142962743111,0.0,0.0,0.1391355873056656 ptsd,Maclesworth,2019/07/23,"Ex-fiacee with PTSD My now ex-fiacee has been officially diagnosed with PTSD. It's a long complicated story. I was in a relationship with her for 3+ years. I always knew she had a traumatic childhood which lead to a traumatic early adulthood. She had a child when I met her. I raised this child since they were 3. About 6 months ago my girlfriend started experiencing what she described as gasses seeping trough the walls of our house and people following her around town. I got her to see a doctor as I could see any evidence of what she claimed to see and smell. One day out of nowhere she kicked me out of the house and broke up with me. Naturally i was devastated. A month before this she asked me for a baby, I knew she was under alot of stress so I said it wasn't the right time. I remained in contact because I wanted to see my son. Even though he's not biologically mine I feel a strong bond with him. My ex became suicidal and explained how she cheated on me during our relationship. Here therapists monitored her closely at this point. A few weeks later my ex was hospitalised, she now described what she called multiple personalities in her head. One of which wanted to kill her. She talked about he ""New boyfriend"" who I quickly realised wasn't real and was I her head. As she didn't know his name, what he looked like yet claimed to speak to him every night in her room. I personally thought she was schizophrenic or something. She was discharged from hospital after a week and diognoised with PTSD and psychosis. She was abused in the worst possible way as a child by her uncle. Her uncle thankfully died 10 years ago. I'm just trying to make sense of everything. I still love her very much. Could the PTSD and psychosis have affected her feelings towards me. Atm she keeps insisting I meet somebody new. Which is very confusing. But I still love her and want to be a family again. Any advice?",3.487373086220789,5.8485295479452075,4.2115592264303,83.98853948428687,75.43835616438356,7.581788879935536,26.07775987107172,8.4952907291091,1.8932288477034653,1515,56,291,30,34,483,200,365,0.12,0.83,0.05,-0.9798,0,0,1,0,1,0,38.0,2,0,1,2,17,11,2,2,19,0,21,7,2,4,0,44,48,19,3,5,4,3,2,1,1,0,3,2,1,5,13,19,0,1,7,0,1,2,4,6,0,2,21,11,65,5,46,24,4,49,0,1,5,2,63,19,0,3,28,195,78,3,0.0,0.10937549119831948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020693238934772,0.16365933247906936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681158724777706,0.0,0.0,0.1255516452974685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217790206517178,0.08629994222397301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627298402897379,0.0,0.07855133496501301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426161957857332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474084083675878,0.0,0.0,0.05953407468204569,0.0,0.0,0.09369547884250896,0.09580604052360812,0.0,0.0,0.09448599184945088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06097168823283265,0.0,0.0777774573204877,0.0,0.08296473030359437,0.0,0.08702422720614339,0.0,0.09335218100670306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383092394480595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947898855054646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21303299496181471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08205179686619113,0.10213035963183437,0.0,0.05073266279561178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045099337492219546,0.0,0.0,0.08169386206220161,0.0775194445220229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663168779473791,0.0,0.06161946479235032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473662824098884,0.0,0.06786047895672201,0.0,0.0,0.1783124217597524,0.0,0.08662924464942312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510699125610694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399802444948692,0.16120783216017756,0.0,0.0,0.08726536894868113,0.10406873401003168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4316345704319356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507209775750584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821865213336093,0.0,0.07883456792386402,0.08781054662608236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29424517949175394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636204505350404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106685035009343,0.0,0.0,0.06533942616436117,0.0,0.14744213251480856,0.0,0.10574392151938601,0.0,0.0,0.10097514480021867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741974764695167,0.0,0.08498916013927454,0.0,0.10718219574586182,0.0,0.0,0.0906967895539478,0.07328599701726432,0.05382829583140317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267428481244793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233534176610392,0.16334532153141934,0.07327354909922887,0.14809540925169906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188927444018498 ptsd,TheUncensoredTroll,2019/07/23,"When does it get better? It’s been 5 years. Does it ever go away? It’s been 5 years since I left him and I still have nightmares that take over my whole day. Everything’s still so vivid and I feel like I’m constantly reliving everything after a nightmare. I don’t trust anyone, I don’t want to talk to people and I just slip into a whirl wind of dark thoughts and situations that wouldn’t happen. I thought it would go away eventually, it would get better but it’s still there every day, every situation, every conversation I can feel it. I wanna run away some days, leave everything and start over as a new person but I know it’ll follow. It always follows...",1.9101948051948057,4.3132891969696985,3.462900432900433,87.02863636363638,81.27272727272727,6.498701298701298,20.034632034632033,7.7094869923839395,0.7952450216450218,522,14,105,9,14,172,78,132,0.012,0.9059999999999999,0.083,0.7193,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,0,1,21,26,10,0,5,3,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,5,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,4,3,12,4,12,18,2,26,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,1,15,65,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288631951793338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645863074100893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348518428802486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871593308051707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336212213838721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23923116483126936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21641308486401786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184808460778978,0.3125402017545097,0.0,0.3333846906404793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125041841561861,0.08833525340343815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920355848857634,0.0,0.14054576191125948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934287654712513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795455140833513,0.0,0.0,0.13092700530528192,0.13434558292942606,0.0,0.0,0.06040891763248778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119421492619405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857230195072812,0.1079660056686656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228417414515817,0.277974518915255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751977817851211,0.0,0.2962400381219127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296906288544282,0.09938481347666676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963278399907504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293170012934275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805029144375874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567416574716593,0.0,0.0,0.15925249467158628 ptsd,paula-dawg,2019/07/23,"Does anyone else feel the same way? Disagreements with my partner freak me out - had one yesterday. Nothing too horrific, just one of those things we have to work on and are doing so but I feel so uneasy about them. I know at face value that Disagreements are natural, but I just feel as though he’s going to turn around and do something hurtful or abusive or violent even though it probably didn’t even cross his mind. The anxiety of things like that drives me crazy. Tight feeling in my throat, panicky, crying, unable to sleep, blaming myself even though it wasn’t necessarily anything that I should have taken blame for. I just feel as though it’s so ingrained into me that I should be a victim, because being a victim and submissive won’t hurt as much as being loud and assertive - which is basically what I saw as a child who witnessed domestic violence on a weekly basic. I so want to trust my partner but on the other hand, I’m waiting for the penny to drop and for him to stop being so nice. It’s a difficult place to be in.",6.89785617367707,6.5381904726368205,7.1522840343735865,76.32997286295797,64.67164179104478,10.095160560832204,32.70058796924469,9.573946990214177,2.9101502487562185,819,29,153,14,11,266,124,201,0.295,0.591,0.114,-0.9937,0,0,1,0,1,0,19.0,1,0,1,1,18,10,3,0,9,0,18,4,4,0,0,32,31,24,0,3,8,0,7,1,2,3,0,1,0,3,15,10,0,3,6,0,0,3,3,7,0,2,5,9,19,3,28,18,2,18,0,2,1,0,9,10,0,2,4,119,34,1,0.0,0.1624222226371292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486894856168902,0.0,0.0,0.09585237845533917,0.140458843259082,0.11280852029184675,0.12203389771187248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356518485331409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058042860825213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996320514959392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145161614094657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716282325834327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34656915733616545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790804368257355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935026929740408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753378271611352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697235874960678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841584592333406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077257437304446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153587517077964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857834453096654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322369026081416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779982750278625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718308385461545,0.0,0.0,0.10553402469985676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460843191545175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821451474489772,0.0,0.5387376635847466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910811802004595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085574409719704,0.10881096463949347,0.10996058289421333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997988453562234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ChunkyMantra,2019/07/23,"C-PTSD nightmares about abuser being happy now? I spent six months in a relationship with a man who turned out to be a textbook narcissist and verbally chewed me up and spit me out. No physical abuse but threats of it (he was an MMA fighter so... that.) and a master emotional manipulator. TW, he also sexually assaulted me. I lost the ability to tell him no towards the end. That was four years ago. I'm now in a very loving relationship, planning a wedding in September and miles and miles away physically and emotionally from that part of my life. I've had interconnected dreams for the past two weeks that I wake up very upset from even though they're not nightmares. Basically, I go snooping to look up on him and find that he's in what appears to be a now perfect relationship for him. They're happy, not a single sign of distress, it outwardly looks normal. They live together, they're engaged, they've got pets... Now last night I dreamt a continuation where they got pregnant and had a baby girl. I somehow got access to medical records and the more I read about this healthy, perfect woman and her pregnancy, the more terrified I got. I dreamt I found posts from him on reddit that friends of mine liked (we have no friends in common, so that's a weird thought) and I kept wanting to shout, ""No! This isn't who he actually is!"" -- THAT upsets me in all sorts of ways. I continually ask for understanding that people change, that I've grown and it feels disingenuous to not give him the same courtesy, even in my weird sleeping brain fantasy. Last time I snooped irl (this was 5 months after it ended), I found out he was doing what he did to me to a new girl (there were 3 before me and then one after me... The pattern was there). I make it a point now not to look because I know this is just my brain searching for a reason, an A-HA moment that puts all the pieces together so I can reconcile what happened. When I have these dreams, I wake up sick to my stomach that he's normal and living a seemingly gentle, domesticated life. Does this sound familiar for anyone? Do you wake up distressed from non-distressing subjects?",4.272776589242053,5.9931255036674855,5.20495644865526,80.51044200794621,71.46943765281173,8.339883863080685,28.673670537897312,8.930421266530582,2.3020983496332525,1677,65,323,33,32,548,214,409,0.11900000000000001,0.735,0.146,0.9463,0,0,0,0,3,0,63.0,1,1,2,5,20,18,2,4,25,0,20,14,8,3,4,50,47,22,0,3,6,0,1,1,2,0,4,2,1,4,28,19,1,1,10,4,1,4,9,9,0,4,19,6,41,9,49,25,8,56,0,1,3,1,33,24,0,4,27,217,69,2,0.0,0.22420386421320826,0.09232946216313144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386946278903966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566265574123636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661561986247603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845117089763821,0.0,0.08889281961648604,0.0,0.0,0.05767572027277864,0.0,0.08050941141068269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21124067802782268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008890011907877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279721124747251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285567649159529,0.16759956332807066,0.0,0.0,0.12498310142093436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783960164458505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864753380587543,0.0,0.0,0.2074783897712664,0.1461968401802634,0.0,0.0,0.09076221912514096,0.05377122712434626,0.0,0.3026853322531421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366670854091114,0.2014363895620713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199729352519054,0.15424581931470668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365711017905085,0.046223544362773115,0.0,0.1670915128370023,0.0,0.23835539602723166,0.0,0.10328218578505673,0.0,0.08539268691422147,0.0,0.06315547462157109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531349253471233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15103973298334114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137863875569524,0.0,0.08878868195917405,0.18540295464702333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411278836875797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245757148015973,0.0903196185376276,0.06559332546250915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944066315007429,0.0,0.09061390752554094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105985188713089,0.09511304432797606,0.0,0.0,0.09463944644582394,0.0,0.0,0.09727878810224808,0.0,0.3047395761189233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861328888522741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468217158191508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826966687031033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092957619970166,0.07511282255270353,0.05517009248228065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029126916959554,0.09242397628757572,0.0984963468791404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561326578102947,0.05580569572344295,0.075100064341086,0.07589351751175859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060928212595349626 ptsd,Beanzie02,2019/07/23,"Well it only took 6 days for me to never want to go to the gym again. So I started out the gym last Wednesday, got a membership, all that jazz after years of bullying made me fear physical exercise. I felt really good after all the first days, but today I couldn’t put up one of the benches, a basic action that everybody can do. People were staring at me trying to fix this Bench and I was so embarrassed I ran out screaming. I hate myself so fucking much and I never want to exercise again.",4.005670995670997,5.032645757575762,5.65904761904762,79.68000000000005,71.22222222222223,8.889466089466088,27.274170274170274,9.23628265651192,2.3122109668109667,386,13,74,8,7,132,69,99,0.193,0.7709999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.9447,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,2,2,6,0,5,3,0,1,4,14,16,6,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,5,0,5,3,5,1,2,7,3,11,2,14,8,3,23,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,14,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801393774316132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443993180587194,0.0,0.0,0.2085366183435746,0.0,0.0,0.18474184337738084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007888077651002,0.0,0.0,0.12343417590547245,0.1821688058647227,0.17370681563088347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144303228955745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703897244103198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055105855392771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965976147841554,0.0,0.33502088915770195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14717367671373952,0.16518290742830705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057231360261045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218336104127494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913758115597824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537283166420252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058708810183237,0.0,0.2413062647514699,0.14745786528219762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562087730125789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952800418041202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986334538560785 ptsd,Monkey_shine1,2019/07/23,"Recently Diagnosed and hopeless Is it normal to just feel hopeless and worthless and like it's not worth doing anything? I can't cope at work and it's like I'm half the person I was before. I feel like an awful person and that I'm letting my family down. I'm hoping the medication kicks in soon and I'm looking into therapy through work medical (UK so instead of NHS). Sorry I just wanted to vent. I dont feel like I can speak like this to family and friends at the moment. They worry enough.",1.3946714671467113,3.7394104653465376,3.7631863186318633,84.43624662466249,82.96039603960395,6.445004500450046,23.043204320432054,7.686295010490155,1.3708930693069306,391,14,75,7,11,135,64,101,0.163,0.669,0.16899999999999998,0.1615,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,1,2,5,10,0,0,4,1,7,3,0,0,0,17,17,8,0,3,3,0,3,5,1,0,3,1,0,2,5,8,0,0,3,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,1,5,8,7,10,15,1,8,0,3,1,0,5,5,0,1,8,49,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496721459018893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956142188941115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646788062474047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922198645324879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694673769606495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30923026052010616,0.0,0.2487869198577471,0.23433921887896064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671461965618874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290009427804525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16771252887071314,0.0,0.4006378548173632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772807179393615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33044798888258153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069611937073014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864164471043652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619412395256026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359707204066986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875610615205636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673803482381572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388041637670519,0.1665612999068594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rose_04,2019/07/23,"its not fair it won’t go away, no matter how much i hurt myself, no matter how much i distract myself. i’m so fucking mad. he took away my childhood. i didn’t do anything to him and he took it from me. it’s not fair, i was little. i was so fucking young.",-1.4106766917293214,0.4746395614035137,1.4558897243107791,99.12789473684214,91.98245614035088,3.2571428571428567,16.914786967418543,3.1291,-1.0721107769423557,193,5,47,0,7,67,36,57,0.3,0.662,0.037000000000000005,-0.9382,0,0,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,3,1,0,0,5,2,0,2,0,7,11,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,5,0,10,0,4,5,2,8,0,1,0,2,3,3,2,0,2,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19842535974904246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4530898180434497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44583242137651935,0.0,0.0,0.13703691489849346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581293385021734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416706322640586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35450929187045965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5357975750985583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Mels_seed_,2019/07/23,"Is it weird I don’t like music anymore? It’s been a year and a half since my roommate/very close friend took his own life in a gruesome way. We didn’t share the same taste in music or anything ( he was a slayer guy, while I was more of a ween guy) but I just don’t find myself caring about music anymore. I’m sorry if this is the wrong sub for this, but I just want to know if this is normal",1.133940886699509,2.2291275172413845,2.8203612479474565,96.97862068965513,78.42528735632183,4.971428571428572,18.175697865353037,3.1291,-0.8329198686371102,302,5,74,0,7,100,61,87,0.085,0.779,0.136,0.5023,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,7,0,9,2,0,0,0,15,14,7,0,4,7,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,5,1,8,4,6,9,3,7,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,3,3,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4498012153840234,0.0,0.0,0.1866171198314733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312129910945924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726892725264615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17520638202825814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4490872925723942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463002158701775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017841889024048,0.1107911766401841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22219208610118446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187591243964238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538568858945091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519562025842893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18711374375580234,0.13375821299856305,0.18000403493080985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479436829409333,0.0,0.1460361479648571 ptsd,ErnieBert36,2019/07/23,"Seasons of Nightmares (TW: mention of past abuse w/no details) So I know a lot of us have nightmares. I do too. Mine usually don’t center around my trauma, though. If I’m close to a trauma-versary, then I might have more related nightmares. I was abused by a former partner, so those nightmares follow that kind of script. The rest of the time, my nightmares are just random, horrible things my brain can think of. I don’t even know how I’m somehow thinking of these things to generate a nightmare. They’re nothing like my life, my trauma, or things I’ve seen/read during the day. How do you all cope with your nightmares? I sometimes feel dazed for most of a day, or dissociated for hours after I wake from a nightmare. Meds aren’t currently an option for me, so non-medication suggestions are appreciated.",4.499523809523812,6.253076376623375,5.046168831168831,81.74163419913421,70.94805194805195,7.470995670995673,29.71645021645022,8.07648339933343,2.0857333333333337,638,26,118,9,12,204,99,154,0.14,0.8370000000000001,0.023,-0.9443,2,0,0,0,2,0,27.0,1,2,0,0,11,5,0,0,10,0,12,3,2,2,1,21,20,10,0,1,4,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,1,17,2,18,18,5,15,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,9,12,82,23,0,0.0,0.40530330768629946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225977575425345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909345894260669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206102768025515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296875856391393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648177788098524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843763805472362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810939853614824,0.1879956452173725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080895447869387,0.08356035918007455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541009860000798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37996855583736827,0.0,0.0,0.181443923951297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641152436549106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632747957789601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710839410226058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691606150115735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408894556181405,0.219188047282557,0.16804362842170284,0.0,0.0997334325476362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057372406209615,0.0,0.1883738138499732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,madison_eevee,2019/07/23,"Oh my god, why am I like this? Tw: r*pe mention I was just going through my Facebook messenger with the full intent of deleting stuff that I no longer want to remember when I came across messages from my r*pist who had deleted his Facebook after he was outed, but the messages were still there. I guess I thought they would go away after he deleted it? I know I shouldn’t have even opened it, but I did and now I’m really upset! It’s like I couldn’t even stop myself. This stuff hardly gets to me anymore, but the two year anniversary of the event is coming up very soon so I’m really raw about everything. I just hate that it’s been so long and I still can’t seem to get away from it. Ugh.",2.3802214452214443,4.002216153846156,3.333024475524475,92.3913315850816,76.27272727272728,6.444988344988345,22.406177156177158,7.1686216300943375,0.5686554778554784,542,15,119,6,12,173,94,143,0.126,0.8190000000000001,0.055,-0.9176,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,13,5,1,1,4,0,13,0,0,1,0,23,27,8,0,4,5,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,1,4,0,0,4,4,3,0,1,8,1,19,2,17,16,1,22,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,13,85,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231459913006986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264901278017027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872519690035045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967135813193536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295221871239092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615646298581728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815557636434626,0.0,0.1974937333704094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140664350890452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564703466715138,0.17154343481379322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095489169325627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16977221525382458,0.0,0.0,0.1537644309889592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261906115585126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19682634970632154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817665594721114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27751602186069146,0.14526386509544592,0.0,0.0,0.3978073328766529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793912230808938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16972977097733885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433630174586359,0.1024830172302845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678352105075954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342793684538855,0.0,0.0,0.1118901391743893 ptsd,UrsaCat,2019/06/02,"PTSD, disability and dating I have PTSD and am on disability. I have been going to therapy for years and have been reaching a place inside where I'm ready to date again. I'm in my mid-30s and have no idea how to disclose this information in an easy yet direct way. Yes, my daily life is impacted but it's not only who I am. I have tried posting it (PTSD & disability) on my profiles. I have tried disclosing during the initial texting phase. I have feathered it in over a month or two. No variation works. I am either accused of lying, ghosted rather quickly or politely turned down (the most rare response). I understand why. Those are big deal breakers and they're pretty important to be informed about. What's a smooth way to include these deal breakers for myself and any other potentially interested party? Is there a social cue I'm missing?",3.1461948529411785,5.8611689062500005,4.453088235294121,79.89955882352943,78.6875,7.014705882352942,28.161764705882355,8.124751697461798,2.3115220588235297,675,30,117,13,17,222,106,160,0.08900000000000001,0.784,0.127,0.6497,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,7,1,16,1,0,1,0,18,23,10,1,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,1,12,1,16,20,2,21,0,1,0,0,6,10,0,3,7,82,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18000320438302267,0.0,0.11297498731315014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34254817048873554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441625165947198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18754202679955956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734345695292205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260442621996393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263503470022589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357185913125475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15910787152011854,0.16901526699719954,0.0,0.0,0.5825958314157771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934994857785465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1899856308462942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22558450794558654,0.18070315887805974,0.1622861495118411,0.17294855207551926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26373460133514565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990766670882702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094557189587818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698311645857347 ptsd,folksongjune,2019/06/02,"physical symptoms of trauma but no memory? hi, is it possible to have experienced trauma, have no memory of it, but have the physical + mental symptoms that align with trauma? or do I just have an anxiety issue? ie, I'm constantly being triggered into fight/flight/freeze, I'm hypervigilant, dissociating, self-harming. I've been decompensating for months and am unsure why, but am now wondering if I triggered something from my childhood (only because I notice I'm using tactics that I did as a child - watching the same show over and over to fall asleep, etc). for reference, I'm 34(f), have a terrible memory, and am desperate to figure things out so I can stop feeling like this. Thanks.",7.0311400000000015,8.082876864000003,8.15655,64.41402500000002,64.36,11.37,34.825,11.20814326018867,4.45478,548,24,86,16,8,187,86,125,0.22399999999999998,0.708,0.068,-0.9641,0,0,1,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,5,0,14,3,1,3,0,21,22,10,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,3,6,2,14,19,2,10,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,3,6,60,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669870206912366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306418576285026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358879631307837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434448829203945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037118582913084,0.15594246768719985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278322727006556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066427651811806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21997940287639586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742325799505646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485183138091917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601517433011853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460829400354093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277183063913228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680460480236232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249558953475872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453762284150221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009670108622333,0.0,0.0,0.14501850129630414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188527695267837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696778056052586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367201943554441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fudoesntseemlikeenuf,2019/06/02,"Lost I’ve recently been trying to deal with a sexual/physical assault from a few years ago. Packed it away for all this time. It’s been hard to say the least. Married 5 years. Ok marriage. Ups and downs. I think a lot to do with me, but I think there are some things my husband has never dealt with also. He did something a month ago sexually that completely broke me and my trust in him and just how I see him. I don’t want to be in the same house as him or touch him or have him touch me. Been staying with an understanding friend for a month off and on. Not even every night. Basement entrance, leave them alone. Just threw them 200 for the trouble. I think my friends partner has a problem with me but just pretends they don’t. Well just got the heads up I’m not welcome back. No reason given, really, but I think I get it. I didn’t plan on staying there forever, just need more time to figure things out. Been having bouts of depression anxiety flashbacks panic attacks trouble working, but still going to work everyday. I just feel completely lost. I don’t feel comfortable at home. I could stay in the guest room but wouldn’t be able to sleep. My husband is overly pushy and I need space right now. Sorry for the rant. I don’t want to talk to anyone I know because I don’t trust anyone. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just a, it will be ok. Thanks for reading.",1.3701666666666696,3.6665566357142882,2.5892857142857157,93.12238095238098,82.64285714285714,5.590476190476191,21.47619047619048,6.88968998030894,0.4727833333333331,1078,34,230,13,30,345,157,280,0.175,0.701,0.125,-0.9025,0,1,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,3,5,16,20,2,1,14,2,25,2,2,2,2,53,50,17,0,8,18,2,5,0,4,2,0,1,2,1,8,11,0,0,11,2,0,2,12,10,1,0,11,8,32,10,36,33,7,36,0,4,2,0,20,16,0,6,15,156,40,3,0.10896898121133483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648322728012154,0.19318885406350012,0.0,0.0,0.11285900120968405,0.0,0.08714245490529589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336097236545352,0.0,0.0,0.15238729063595435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396794740079024,0.10237994488756044,0.08379042029772474,0.0,0.06642647953291292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285038071569168,0.0,0.0,0.0870028646105495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234223481697783,0.09385482384351036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197298437914854,0.0,0.09181106646417167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019598210398346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16837832914926412,0.0,0.05693179515408218,0.0,0.061929583213559035,0.0,0.08715244878058298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761480347616236,0.0,0.11183361227467008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930477294262056,0.0,0.0,0.12573557386240666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977300457739153,0.0,0.0,0.11538241722400835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150649967831176,0.0,0.2379050306686375,0.0926415310582327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395600235633055,0.0,0.0,0.16159823765451478,0.08404359603478585,0.0,0.0,0.10226000710560776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278516207728954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426859843688173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089984697652197,0.0,0.06980831967421477,0.11203826144344466,0.10759372283034746,0.0,0.0,0.09305891455808203,0.0,0.08665650755390374,0.0,0.0,0.08683416976387648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904767730635967,0.0,0.0,0.08388964547923147,0.0,0.121981853044197,0.0,0.34843930556095337,0.08702276915634335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758513942602486,0.0,0.10032399745505256,0.0,0.0,0.1447882982641311,0.27929169274243604,0.0,0.0,0.12708137849932644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398278533070977,0.0,0.0,0.11344055243852615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854545681479213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09797620075753576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15866143227230847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034490242342576 ptsd,D0ughtnut,2019/06/02,"PTSD and Relationships i’m professionally diagnosed. (my therapist/physiologist are strong believer in C-PTSD, which is what they say I have.) i’m just gonna be blunt, i’m not very good at maintaining long term relationships in any sense; acquaintances, friendships, partners or anything beyond casual. i’m approachable, nice, and I don’t have random outbursts. if I ever do have flashbacks/panics whilst in public I’m dumb good at maintaining my composure until given a proper space to let loose, regroup, and continue on. this is something I’ve been dealing with almost all my life, I better be somewhat good at it. though, I’ve noticed that due to my self-sufficient nature that it’s very hard for me to allow others to seep into that schedule with me. not that I don’t want them to be apart of my life because i dislike them, it’s just frustrating when I’m doing my daily share of “doughnut stuff”and i (in my perspective) am be nagged while doing things I’ve been doing alone for years. when in reality, they just want a conversation with someone they want to learn more about. I ignore texts, cancel plans with friends, and will randomly drop off the face of the earth for a week or so if something serious happens that requires all of my attention. people usually don’t like being ignored, and I try to never explain why I do this. I am not a very open person in the slightest, which makes it easier for when I decide that something isn’t fitting, hardly any words are exchanged in the end. part of me knows this is how I avoid getting close with someone, because ignorance is bliss. I strongly believe it is selfish of me to talk about myself in this sense. no one deserves the dissatisfaction of knowing what I’ve gone through, how i feel, and what I’ve done to cope through it- it’s honestly none of their concern. i’ll be damned if I keep someone up at night worrying about ME. I’ll admit, I’m very ashamed of my diagnosis and how it has greatly impacted my way of living and will continue to do so for years to come. I fear if anyone chooses to become close with me they’ll regret it down the road because I am not what they thought I was, or worse, i accidentally leave a negative impact due to the aftermath of my trauma. it’s clear I don’t like myself very mucho... I’m just alone, but this can’t be healthy. can it? what can I do to help convince myself that I “deserve” patience and attention? maybe some advice on how to self-appreciate more? [also, if any of you guys can relate that would be helpful of you to say]",4.865548443409949,6.160388892057033,5.694584812336341,79.2216619144603,69.44806517311609,8.544218795461159,30.729182426534766,8.922882184376627,2.5645893628164105,2010,82,374,36,35,658,238,491,0.12300000000000001,0.79,0.086,-0.6928,0,3,3,0,0,0,63.0,0,2,8,5,20,29,4,3,12,0,47,4,1,6,5,76,72,31,0,10,17,0,3,2,2,5,3,2,0,3,33,20,0,6,11,1,1,3,14,14,0,1,7,5,53,15,65,51,10,53,0,1,0,0,27,26,2,13,24,261,86,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863627068969046,0.0,0.0,0.09082835941555348,0.1878868857848209,0.0,0.0725370785506975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18504835476652148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342332725765581,0.0,0.07464281862609505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587951655579458,0.10017699200121001,0.0,0.2043878573883973,0.0,0.08022155845714536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813467366365813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351328833157292,0.0,0.09206407539988004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282312020656522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033806486893615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204823060952222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020687967415598,0.045863377492261416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007876987748891,0.0,0.04738982969451446,0.0,0.0,0.22823816735026706,0.0,0.10000302777369714,0.0,0.08981261032491808,0.08021048891365831,0.0,0.16250845067783312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159584019563105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062313045095892,0.0,0.0,0.0996986354208769,0.0,0.0,0.09604392566910126,0.0,0.09275242074033564,0.12813581819112896,0.08862815706075654,0.0,0.08009453324810341,0.08027142792283458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605465612943687,0.0,0.09112576962989527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06995759912758508,0.0,0.0,0.08512087679966844,0.0,0.0,0.10326870327928413,0.0,0.0,0.06146432900681646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822511300670092,0.0,0.06288370603521386,0.07920045982150599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21205952586162405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1947673160019006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426515530685652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925103630022175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23056318255977296,0.20948835365024945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072905567617114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531596478905933,0.06026063975258074,0.0,0.08911759857758908,0.07200995862878007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158301503859686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989918738890613,0.37420728736534903,0.1605011915565717,0.07199772745093942,0.07275840356524622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184751849677073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211574038053892,0.0924365555277714,0.06443451630800229,0.0,0.0,0.11682261215089235 ptsd,40ktb23,2019/06/02,"I didn’t know how to write this title And I don’t know how to write this post. I’ve just had a flashback for the first time and my brain is so overwhelmed I don’t know how to cope with it. I managed to pretend I was fine while my partner was in the room and just pretended to need a nap and now I’m lying here thinking about all the progress I thought I had made and I feel like I’ve taken about 10 steps back. I don’t know what to do.",0.933257575757576,2.001732363636368,2.347361111111109,100.27437500000002,78.89898989898991,5.354040404040403,21.465909090909093,5.148860815047168,-0.3710515151515152,340,9,89,1,8,110,57,99,0.054000000000000006,0.847,0.098,0.4435,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,11,3,0,1,5,0,10,1,1,4,1,23,21,10,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,6,0,0,7,3,0,1,4,1,0,1,8,1,11,2,11,13,1,9,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,58,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067685679422586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203746813388718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451102815551825,0.20502502734302386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441127306059104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6308866833469482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020834844722618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271555968519446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279873655230352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748561689859901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389098856451574,0.0,0.22783724057746202,0.16734561698498948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,acollectionofsocks,2019/06/02,"A night of nightmares I’ve had ptsd for the past 5 years and last night I had the worst night of nightmares in a year. There’s been so much happening in the last week, a lot of rejection from my partners family in particular which has caused me to feel so insecure and unimportant. Any self care ideas would be great 👍 💖",5.172692307692309,5.445548076923082,5.452115384615387,84.91663461538462,68.23076923076923,10.192307692307693,28.55769230769231,10.125756701596842,2.4072307692307686,255,8,56,6,4,81,49,65,0.19399999999999998,0.703,0.10300000000000001,-0.7565,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,6,0,6,0,0,1,0,7,9,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,3,2,9,4,3,12,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,9,33,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602541181511565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394114635894373,0.2054831199145074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856792064431072,0.0,0.10113980454170944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22053078590466801,0.0,0.0,0.17688346594821072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258064553469717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260978662148009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17005604314743258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14704306859840435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.563136165237069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909486753891353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338211899076897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086720807244304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044982113664602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14209364293396284,0.0,0.0,0.2576220244788299 ptsd,aj4ever,2019/06/02,"I feel so fucking lost — and angry. I am 29 years old. Married. I haven’t seen my ex boyfriend (aka the reason I have PTSD) since 2013. I am safe. He is not in my life anymore. But yet, i feel so fucking lost, alone, and angry. My husband tries to understand PTSD, but I don’t think he does. I feel like it’s ruining my marriage because I’ll snap when triggered or ill continue to distance myself from him/everyone until I’m all alone and miserable. It doesn’t matter cause I am miserable anyway. How the heck are you supposed to navigate a marriage while dealing with PTSD?!",1.8294736842105264,4.1915283508771966,3.3307894736842094,88.10302631578949,81.28070175438596,6.2561403508771924,27.043859649122812,7.492282038375204,1.6527859649122811,448,20,88,7,12,147,76,114,0.24100000000000002,0.706,0.053,-0.9693,0,2,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,1,0,2,6,9,2,2,3,0,9,4,0,4,1,20,20,12,0,0,4,2,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,3,4,15,2,7,17,1,8,0,5,1,2,8,1,3,1,8,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330264737783566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594444724802427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980062556253509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515904616745422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575079486999736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14069429236787284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536263174602435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438762900031111,0.11485688101107845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297265694337546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355933523153786,0.07854598925339851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510073304233255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870512584719818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5638081324873842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530230968217352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299380220773338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301740068653546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915490060562966,0.0,0.0,0.16737126306780328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353309763924824 ptsd,zachary-phillips,2019/06/02,"The Worst PTSD Flashback OF My Life (trigger warning) Last week, I had the worst PTSD flashback of my life. It was the single most emotionally intense thing that I have ever experienced. I have had flashbacks before, but this experience was on an entirely different level. This followed an extremely stressful day at work, an emotionally triggering conversation, and other things that individually would be manageable. It all started very quickly . I was suddenly on the ground in tears. It felt like my mind had split itself into multiple parts. One part was in on the ground struggling with an outpouring of emotion (tears, irregular breathing, raising heart rate), the other part was reliving all of the trauma that I have ever gone though. Reliving each occurrence in blinding succession. A third part, hyper aware of my wife watching this unfold (with concern for her well-being) and a fourth just kind of 'watching it all happen' I meditate daily, and credit this with helping me to pull myself out of it. After what felt like 30 minutes (reality 2-4 ish) I was able to take a breath and start to detach from the occurrence and acknowledge and accept it (as I would with panic attacks). For the next two days I felt like all my confidence was gone. I was afraid to leave the house and make any decisions. I am still recovering a week later. I talk about this in depth here if you would like more details. [https://medium.com/invisible-illness/ptsd-is-real-24fb30fcc0a](https://medium.com/invisible-illness/ptsd-is-real-24fb30fcc0a) This entire experience has been weirdly positive however. It has unlocked and highlighted the importance of some repressed things that I will address with my therapist and start to work on. I also have increased empathy and understanding for people suffering with regular occurrences of PTSD. My thoughts are with you. I have been undertaking lots of self care and reflection. Hopefully I can come back stronger from this.",8.325962732919255,11.009135422360249,7.389721739130432,65.0226695652174,62.7888198757764,10.245167701863355,34.61913043478261,10.444984826868176,4.236362086956522,1594,70,229,41,25,490,185,322,0.098,0.7559999999999999,0.146,0.9531,3,0,0,0,0,0,66.0,0,2,0,3,10,21,1,5,19,0,28,6,3,3,6,52,45,16,0,5,3,1,3,4,0,4,3,0,1,1,25,22,0,1,9,0,1,6,0,11,0,3,19,7,28,10,41,21,17,38,0,1,3,0,8,15,0,5,21,182,53,5,0.08364094404089269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688763273086111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687871011799092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515364864524653,0.0,0.0643147231200862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117228293218178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852775168263971,0.0,0.0,0.07204926721590714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788297892743506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738698445525953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28225441284813474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513160448388074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163633785421664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409252687925009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396341058690176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099114921403902,0.05606276171517828,0.0,0.0,0.08307432987336011,0.0,0.0965104195750814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870991722033467,0.0,0.06817853280141999,0.0,0.0885636829403739,0.0,0.0,0.11815614466533007,0.1634509615644275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110853959510323,0.0,0.0,0.05583097962987043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445351012836856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895309287331117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667726832675452,0.0,0.0,0.0981346263838506,0.0,0.3622999665831656,0.0,0.057986099220953165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888589382945469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040341130308966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872557460467394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760447206916072,0.0,0.06679576595446887,0.0,0.09581041880559106,0.08743967510747598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288758067483173,0.06722742255741965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711358265667516,0.16670198002585224,0.0,0.08217680285190877,0.06640156678435774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170504882344437,0.08707317250288985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901253842201943,0.0,0.0,0.13418344033126678,0.0,0.07520325356632683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178320684121115,0.0,0.0,0.17824838061218945,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ahzidahl,2019/06/02,"I feel dirty. I feel like my body is ruined forever. I don’t know how to describe it, but I feel uncomfortable in my own body. I feel like I want to rip out my vagina because it was r*ped and it can never be clean again. I scrub and I scrub but I hate the skin I’m in because he ruined it.",0.0006666666666710341,1.4595558615384618,2.6134615384615394,95.62070512820513,82.69230769230771,5.564102564102565,18.525641025641026,6.42735559955562,-0.28782051282051313,221,5,56,2,6,77,39,65,0.275,0.634,0.091,-0.9329999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,5,4,4,1,1,13,13,5,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,5,12,2,5,11,1,5,0,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,35,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074197953030544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5601694374253371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5099837670132824,0.36027576631995817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248948510382242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138576486398657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463780682578161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19447564639297896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872614919160726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,seedoubleyousquared,2019/06/02,"Really living fucking now. Oh..fuck, is how I feel when I’m so present observing my emotions, being in the moment but don’t want to be. Also when I’ve said too much, or haven’t said enough. When I’m outta my bed, sweating, and clenching the door frame in the dark, yet again. If I yell at my kid for acting like a jerk, and am reminded I’m being the jerk. When I admit I don’t know that one thing, and that I’m not like other wives, moms, or sisters. Ah Damn, I want my husband or anyone to hold me, and it won’t ever be enough. When I finally say my first trauma aloud and all the other ones fall like dominos. I’m devastated by a loss of time, a processing of an old memory, and starting more meds to help make it through the night to make it to my present, and future life. When I want to be on the same page parenting with my spouse, but realize my meter is broken. When I learn where healthy boundaries are, and share them. When I tell my brain it’s not in control of the fear anymore. I want to break free. When for the first time in my life I have to do the waiting. The frustrating relationship building part. To heal my soul every moment forward.",3.656908995815901,4.212544594142262,4.8004785564853565,87.25084335774059,71.67782426778244,7.816004184100419,26.234571129707113,7.865858978985527,1.2966922594142254,894,27,196,11,16,295,135,239,0.132,0.742,0.126,-0.772,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,1,4,18,13,5,1,15,1,15,6,2,4,2,35,34,26,0,5,8,6,1,3,0,1,3,4,2,1,9,9,0,3,5,0,1,3,6,8,1,4,2,5,24,6,23,26,8,38,1,1,0,1,16,9,2,4,30,131,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109097969602085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375425358582059,0.09697479536305124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548231454492411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555518623754789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600681492233395,0.0,0.2866062775826658,0.0,0.0,0.12545242763652728,0.11685173147012932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560640399194893,0.07012548598880948,0.0,0.0,0.15192736805265514,0.0,0.2359381249396165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25643207811987834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296052595968324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622002176453094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19592073271844845,0.2032697849354892,0.0,0.12246520810679105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851523925134059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405256628298386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624312522500351,0.0,0.0,0.10195260603352824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015052924040554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455311084815229,0.0,0.18795894145852435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539980741187053,0.15018701549101715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884792802331254,0.0,0.0,0.14890042378228538,0.0,0.0,0.2638506006262408,0.11029131172089744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816501263482544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122057632386435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921390198390714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617417124879177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32721021070567546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway191298518,2019/06/02,"offmychest didn't help me. do i have ptsd? so when i was young a school in our district had one of the most infamous and worst school shootings in america. our family knew some of the families that lost their kids and my family was close to a father of a person that was killed, and he recently committed suicide. there are plenty of people i know that are missing siblings or had siblings that survived, or even survived themselves. at the time, i was only a year older than some of the kids. but since i was older i wasnt at the school, just a couple miles away from it, and my younger sibling was at another school for the same grade level as the school that had the shooting, so its not like im a survivor or have any idea what they went through. but at school today, sometimes i get anxious or get scared and start thinking of what i would do if someone shot up my school, i plan escape routes in my head, think of where i would hide, etc. when i hear a loud thump or similar noise, like someone dropping a filing cabinet in the hallway, i immediately worry that it was a gunshot. im constantly worried about someone trying to recreate the first shooting or someone targeting us because of how infamous the town as a whole is. every anniversary im on high alert the whole day and we usually get a couple bomb threats which makes things even harder. last night i had a horrible nightmare about my school getting shot up by a copycat, and i woke up terrified, and im thinking now maybe it was triggered by hearing about the virginia beach shooting. ive had nightmares like that before but this one was probably the worst. ive been thinking maybe i have some form of light ptsd, but it doesnt really make any sense because i wasnt ever at risk of getting shot and im not a survivor of anything. i wasnt in the school and to think that i might have ptsd makes me feel like a pussy because all the survivors i know don't seem to have any issues at all. id be taking away from them to say that i have it it feels like. i guess thats it. i just wanted to get this off my chest. thanks for reading i guess.",5.246356179365655,5.547354609004742,5.559905213270142,84.10958439664603,68.07582938388626,8.38804228946409,31.39664600802041,8.139509932561175,2.119258549033905,1663,64,336,20,26,530,201,422,0.17,0.7909999999999999,0.039,-0.9954,0,0,0,5,0,1,34.0,4,0,3,5,16,14,2,2,31,0,38,2,2,5,4,59,70,28,2,4,15,1,2,5,0,3,0,4,0,3,24,12,0,0,12,2,0,1,8,8,0,3,23,7,40,6,48,43,13,44,0,2,0,0,16,24,0,15,23,231,64,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263205313651814,0.06492716268852355,0.0,0.06995051402789987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05095381973722386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634932622803976,0.0,0.0,0.11323520655109508,0.0,0.05268825881022985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691212483885027,0.0,0.0,0.13702374233741166,0.0,0.039932443366777814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690557253585566,0.08179344351407866,0.0560090150557928,0.0521691808640643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751143379487988,0.0,0.06261591703783692,0.08846947277067381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052668020224627625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940998116693188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364208722498194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354645654525393,0.0,0.13957376496336027,0.0,0.04150280386088226,0.06542051312293705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989868300953232,0.3344141422957531,0.06462704273220198,0.0,0.0,0.06850387486171539,0.0,0.06805780369481643,0.05047201007962444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125176211316674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759158264579303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399365243785815,0.0,0.1244113264906696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568596279778847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810651167999241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391543615658313,0.04709196655261939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04292663488201517,0.05406502630970355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675883832432516,0.0,0.2171389636645538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06193546270706956,0.0,0.03966670898351584,0.0,0.06113725286444467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049240240743657564,0.061991427138023664,0.5639853310846143,0.0,0.056368465008045175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051219793971031546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20985407676060427,0.0,0.06123918411003814,0.0,0.04382637924349876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772901523575621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655516150440238,0.0,0.0,0.05700642602034262,0.0,0.0,0.04113603735389139,0.19837503518974992,0.0,0.0,0.03610529577048948,0.0,0.058691693916823474,0.0,0.0,0.04203873734819558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448058022144384,0.0,0.06819470753921833,0.0,0.036521257426203886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739926137899285,0.0,0.13826004940618467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576290436786905,0.0,0.08797054530481951,0.0,0.0,0.03987361698240573 ptsd,dumb-brain,2019/06/02,"Need some advice Here's my situation, (possible trigger warning) I'm nineteen years old, I'm a male living in Canada and when i was like 7 to 12 a male family member sexually abused me pretty severely, the abuse stopped when my father passed away and I moved to my mothers house. It was definitely a rather influential time in my life and the side effects now are that I have shitty anxiety and ptsd, nothing I can do other than going to therapy and staying away from certain vices. That being said I turn 20 this year and I've probably lost over 10 jobs since I was 15, each time I get through about as much as I can handle and then fall into a deep pit of emotions where I'm unable to go to work or interact with society. I get that there's always going to be that extra guilt I feel, enough therapists have told me that, but I feel like a bum for still living with my parents. I've managed to save a few thousand dollars but it will end up covering first and last months rent and expenses for a month, not really the long term solution I need. There is the option of going on disability but I'm fearful of relying on the government. I'm honestly at this point looking for any guidance as to jobs that worked out for you, or any coping strategies for blind mindless rage in the workplace.",5.9801302083333345,6.0309066484375045,6.8300625,76.49202083333336,66.5,10.107916666666668,32.69166666666666,9.888512548439397,3.088820104166667,1026,40,196,21,15,342,161,256,0.121,0.7879999999999999,0.091,-0.7876,4,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,1,0,5,10,9,1,2,13,0,13,2,0,2,1,32,33,20,0,3,7,3,2,2,0,1,2,1,1,2,11,14,0,1,3,0,3,7,1,4,0,2,6,5,20,5,37,24,7,42,0,1,2,0,9,16,0,4,20,127,31,6,0.0,0.27828805212225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475839435105907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771726170739503,0.0,0.0,0.15972281554020118,0.0,0.08983923181663672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067246437110324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210118345168154,0.1040146122788386,0.12134414920335355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070945790190816,0.13214963960310674,0.1187596797467834,0.08389724810117502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998921282426364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271231002829575,0.0,0.26696935147250445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355069050574545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23307684741653514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572709363356607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294945534178215,0.11474788954279524,0.0,0.2073986182028968,0.10392833666187534,0.09861777524965316,0.0,0.12819671240687974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747470402663366,0.12481729063833172,0.08632994603291552,0.17415657617521266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268428017775428,0.0,0.12323071699794058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040025110754566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101623076793583,0.1323929381124701,0.0,0.11947597851568555,0.12661729851969328,0.0,0.13727794787262754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523335724117236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11170978849390496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326707495005849,0.0,0.09714536840561244,0.13200447318992026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517256240359953,0.09378559906053058,0.09818286179284703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429981535133695,0.13635378524709146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695729666548528,0.0,0.0,0.11221639624350188,0.0,0.0,0.12773808609957887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099154184265108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125157331210085 ptsd,CourteousNoodle,2019/06/02,"Has anybody else gotten very sensitive and almost cripplingly empathetic because of their PTSD? Ever since me trauma I feel like I have become sensitive and empathetic almost to a fault. Which I think it does serve as a strength to an extent but I think also makes me incapable of dealing with reality sometimes. I can’t watch any horror movies anymore because watching human beings in so much pain and distress is too upsetting to me. I can’t read articles or listen to videos about any real world issues such as the ice caps melting or global conflicts because it just hurts my heart to much. I love to read but there are certain subject matters that just feel darker than I can handle such as holocaust or race novels. I had a moment today that made me feel completely ridiculous. I was spending some time with my mother and we were watching some show that recaps the 90’s. And they had maybe a 2-3 minute segment about the Gulf War and I don’t think I even made it a minute in before I left the room in tears. My trauma has nothing even to do with combat. The concept of war just makes me that sad and to see footage pushed me over the edge. I don’t necessarily think that it’s bad to feel so strongly for other living things. But, I do feel like it has turned me into an emotional cripple in some respects. I just feel like going through a trauma has made me truly and deeply experience suffering. The subsequent PTSD has made sure that feeling will never be forgotten. And, to see that feeling mimicked anywhere is just so overwhelming and heartbreaking for me.",5.903154362416108,7.035125389261748,6.059926174496642,78.15445302013423,66.91946308724832,8.376107382550336,31.342953020134228,8.548686976883017,2.503628993288591,1258,49,220,18,20,400,164,298,0.22,0.6579999999999999,0.122,-0.9925,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,2,2,19,25,3,3,15,0,23,3,1,6,4,56,48,23,3,0,11,1,8,3,0,1,1,1,1,1,15,15,0,1,12,5,1,2,5,16,0,0,9,14,31,9,31,36,7,18,0,5,5,1,8,11,0,8,8,153,46,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20065772730361706,0.0,0.0,0.08012434343680594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626941536633935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099364579886716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365700912606812,0.1832302543637528,0.11065534857405597,0.08525690337682608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505050346100478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329463193016833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767961056363861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836984342249272,0.11270369218874288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235312511757807,0.09063034711475014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800802544280167,0.0,0.0,0.405284919964728,0.21473379825403205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05694201752399676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872924303111353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725872898799506,0.0,0.0,0.10457551003146004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886003865800074,0.0,0.0,0.1468477853614691,0.0,0.08847229606712635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042813665840968,0.3792203343134416,0.13375927368447815,0.0,0.10065738250908343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730683571693076,0.0,0.07727505450326856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613793075751598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661246607607004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342406203650397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044032119696495,0.11404162246385847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968177274262033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288072379270423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909348535031627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443076100216197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656380835468582,0.2567986354373619,0.0,0.0,0.05842337140013225,0.0,0.0949712932308427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898126390981104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266975678779509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,walktheplanets,2019/04/15,"Does anyone else experience violent thoughts semi-related to their trauma? Tw: violence, death, murder, suicide I see a lot of things online about flashbacks but so far I’ve only had a couple. I found my sister after she hung herself, and I keep imagining strangling someone or breaking their neck. I also imagine terrorist attacks where everyone I love dies. I’m just really scared because I don’t ever want to act on anything I’m imagining and the thoughts stress me out beyond comprehension. I don’t have the diagnosis yet because I’m scared to speak to my doctor in case she thinks I need to be institutionalised and I have my uni finals over the next month, and I need those for my grad job. It’s not even been two months since it happened but I’d really appreciate knowing if this is unusual or not.",3.982521008403364,6.394761542483662,5.330966386554625,76.30720588235295,74.09803921568627,8.292997198879553,29.22922502334267,9.04235418022936,2.8505577964519144,648,28,111,15,14,216,109,153,0.226,0.7070000000000001,0.067,-0.9785,1,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,0,0,2,0,9,8,3,3,5,0,8,3,1,0,1,27,23,11,4,4,8,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,1,8,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,5,2,20,1,14,17,1,16,0,0,1,1,8,7,0,4,7,72,25,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238384108890192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827902388421716,0.1586684304457392,0.1274334206397951,0.0,0.0,0.17617123162265189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887977490477599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134538965845186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071623984541644,0.0,0.0,0.15850183605454898,0.13551566445137678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293624464640889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022810296329199,0.14007625752169628,0.0,0.14797169193906085,0.0,0.15147903376930252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963734805990205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979178057771352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369387860962209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367083874805934,0.13764326542275446,0.0,0.0,0.08510489273217603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165316493602744,0.13976372551825966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472094103824158,0.0,0.0,0.22964775292766035,0.0,0.0,0.16469127722637492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777508366210007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19840963591586933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100760512668637,0.0,0.12340030592565128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809861132797035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312091172689527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738720189481952,0.0,0.0,0.16938749896608746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287954815962876,0.0992255710529264,0.0,0.24587697831087765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15127196156901304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133817217019592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bubbleblowinbabie,2019/04/15,"Is this a normal symptom? I’m (F20)very newly diagnosed with ptsd (from extreme bullying that I suffered all through some of elementary and all of middle school). Today during class I was talking when I wasn’t supposed to ( I’ll admit I was wrong) and the teacher called me out like he was supposed to saying things like when he’s talking don’t talk. He said other things but for some reason when he said this I became irrationally angry, upset, and embarrassed (which resulted in me going to the bathroom and just punching the shit out of my legs and the wall). I have been thinking about this minor incident all day and having periods of extreme and uncontrollable anger where I just end up throwing shit around. I don’t know what to do and it’s scaring me because I feel like with my pent up anger I could really end up hurting someone one day and I don’t want that.",5.6631493506493475,6.5513181071428574,6.029458874458874,79.03675324675326,67.33333333333333,8.490043290043289,31.93939393939394,8.575989854853784,2.5395523809523817,694,28,126,10,11,223,99,168,0.21100000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.10800000000000001,-0.9705,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,8,14,4,4,5,0,13,5,3,2,3,31,22,13,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,11,14,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,11,0,1,7,4,16,3,21,14,5,21,0,2,0,0,12,10,2,2,12,88,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389964560974397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951806405066424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943496655628991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466396590296099,0.0,0.0,0.2013929582013932,0.0,0.0,0.15847739093087498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27658490801246843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894836691382093,0.11154544606846384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887371638241849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714959918254596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580969043702401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22884429729501424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298267530658344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580355533913137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825176662808932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10002638444796774,0.16053648425179595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970471253774499,0.12416768058530835,0.1563219758403192,0.15802059766857093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205480554699924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322957279412358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228778839164176,0.0,0.37649487349252536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074630939882726,0.10004730941009014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800113470634305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883069603729047,0.0920945908911871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071304656817424,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AnxiousCurator,2019/04/15,"How to explain PTSD to my father I asked this over on r/cptsd but wanted to see how others went about it. I told my dad I had been diagnosed with (C)PTSD. He's just messaged me that he wants to learn more about it and how it affects me but I'm not sure how to explain it. I clam up when I'm emotional/upset and my dad isn't exactly an emotionally available person. If it's okay, can I get some advice and hear your stories?",0.7575335775335788,2.6601318351648366,2.8764102564102565,92.44914529914531,82.2967032967033,5.8026862026862025,21.1001221001221,6.937597516519254,0.39634700854700794,331,10,75,4,9,112,62,91,0.03,0.941,0.028999999999999998,-0.024,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,5,2,22,16,11,0,3,5,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,2,11,2,11,12,2,5,0,0,1,0,13,3,0,2,1,50,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23996394174516186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22957076313227726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24924399745361345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27622833928203794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829793315582602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767703700519362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21441848104523709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5741062808081812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19568405454028007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314427485222317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23464853201633495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896820024956966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276418468290517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lisdelam,2019/04/15,"My Dad is very ill again and it’s throw me back to when it first happened and I’m terrified My dad has formed Addisons after going from being a incredibly healthy man who contracted chronic pneumonia and sepsis and within a week was comatose with multiple organ failure, they then placed him on an eco machine and transferred him to a London hospital from Gloucester where we Live. He’s suddenly gone down hill again I’m terrified, it takes me back to sitting in the ICU waiting room for hours waiting for someone to come in and tell us if he has survived. He has been sobbing for a past feed weeks not being able to cope and medically he has just dropped again. I’m so scared and I don’t know how to cope with this overwhelming feeling of dread and fear. Does anyone have any advice as to ways to calm yourself down when you are back in the place you don’t want to be. I’m scared.",5.552945454545451,6.094022154285723,5.718545454545456,82.39927272727273,67.45714285714286,8.877922077922078,31.90909090909091,8.841846274778883,2.479171428571428,707,28,139,11,11,224,115,175,0.161,0.779,0.06,-0.9694,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,2,2,1,2,12,7,0,5,7,0,14,4,0,1,0,22,28,16,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,5,13,1,2,2,0,0,4,3,6,0,1,3,1,12,1,26,22,1,34,0,2,0,0,16,11,1,1,16,90,17,1,0.17364179931178236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16968075663281024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808237796302873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141438345172954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005594762064452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957703481143067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195510872917706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19539529951955453,0.08779851108433735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476996257896478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868463612572136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355086967056047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710021948452429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954289917763922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332889005754066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492584476282028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576074542223124,0.0,0.0,0.3628374450155255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476914663358052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471261330679362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055702309390274,0.0,0.15177058617061082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208869704621233,0.0,0.0,0.14327266967257282,0.10241843213797862,0.13782877793322146,0.27856995499207754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,skitzzzo,2019/04/15,"Are perpetual nightmares based in reality a symptom? Recently I was diagnosed with “probably” OCD, anxiety and depression, but I was put on meds without actually having a formal diagnosis. Prior to starting the meds, I had been daily smoking weed for about 3 years. I started using it to suppress intrusive thoughts and dreams that mostly stemmed from a situation that caused me to dissociate from reality for about 3 months. Since childhood, and since taking a 2 week tbreak after starting the meds, I have been having recurrent nightmares. They always consist of something from 3 categories: the world ending in a very apocalyptic manner (bombs, people burning alive); me getting chased by a serial killer, followed by the police letting me die to the killer; having a conversation based on things that have happened in real life (usually I find out really disturbing news), and after I wake it can take days for me to realize it never happened; flashbacks to childhood (dad abusing me and my mother, and situations that I would consider molestation, but I have no idea if the latter actually happened); and sexual dreams with no context until I’m fucking some random girl and have immense guilt that I’m cheating on my girlfriend. All of these themes except for fucking random girls are based in reality (though I was “cheated” on and lied to by a girl once), and lately I’ve been able to link these themes to specific incidents that one would probably consider “traumatic” — shootings, abused by cops, held knifepoint at 13, lots of other crime scenes, tornados, questionable activities that an adult and child would participate in, bullying, fights, gang violence at 12-13, seeing remains of someone who was burned alive when I was 14, etc. Had blocked most of this stuff out until recently now that I’ve been trying to understand the dreams",18.188554510623483,10.699301056426332,15.877847439916408,44.35669453152212,50.97492163009405,19.31884360849878,58.64193660745384,15.322241378113626,8.332847161267853,1483,74,216,41,9,477,186,319,0.256,0.7070000000000001,0.038,-0.9981,2,0,1,1,2,0,42.0,0,0,1,0,5,9,6,2,16,0,25,6,1,2,2,45,44,18,1,4,5,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,5,18,15,0,3,7,3,0,2,4,9,0,1,13,1,19,0,49,27,6,38,0,1,1,2,13,14,2,8,22,154,37,0,0.1036902509379298,0.2457119836122754,0.2023734548337999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08627859523317342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932275815481883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065184505074232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687163377453041,0.0,0.08930826119402585,0.10524342203936353,0.10761410989418936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918387854339786,0.0,0.11564203907577145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947710108499854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917199322993448,0.054173876457785465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750788393862965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705367208820025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696711948741274,0.0,0.0,0.10603030681347043,0.0732394907224893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815374334896467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34552948049471605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276456903595783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997231382453703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042673316519327,0.07026319756032771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188576418019298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235912561940276,0.0,0.0,0.10423734163210058,0.116156811679209,0.0,0.0,0.11802220625225568,0.06642662989145774,0.0,0.20476322703225047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262770517548511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715472941626863,0.2331043730108845,0.0,0.0,0.08785641313212537,0.07982582101933673,0.0,0.0,0.22017747991397812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187005296487426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077738730125002,0.15592432858874775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688871952962791,0.0,0.10187514508235652,0.08231847693129259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039887398002331,0.0,0.0,0.1079452080594897,0.0,0.08955508467252282,0.11420016215981905,0.08555531634535507,0.0,0.0,0.08317406480288746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09995370170893077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22097573774300364,0.0,0.0,0.06677312198561038 ptsd,llenade_ballena,2019/04/15,"PTSD and dating (33F, 30M) Does anyone have any good resources where I can find information about PTSD and dating/romantic relationships? Or any anecdotal experience; things that were difficult, things that helped? I'm in a brand new relationship (less than a month) with a guy who has PTSD from his international human rights work. He is currently in therapy weekly, and will be doing a month-long full-time program for PTSD in the summer. He's been fairly open about his mental health and it's good to see that he's taking treatment seriously. I've done a lot of work in trauma-heavy fields in my career as well, so i relate to a certain extent. I have a couple main concerns: that he's looking at me and our connection as something that will ""make him happy"", and that he is investing too much too soon in our relationship. He told me he loved me last night, which is way too soon for me. I realize I'm being affected by stereotypes and media representations of PTSD, so I feel a bit guilty saying this, but I'm starting to get worried that he is unhealthily fixated on me, and I want to make sure that I'm safe in this relationship.",7.923723536737236,6.9305454155251125,8.28504773765048,71.12316313823162,62.881278538812786,11.616604400166047,33.607721046077216,10.832165505486646,3.459279452054794,902,30,170,20,11,299,133,219,0.045,0.867,0.08900000000000001,0.8385,1,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,2,0,0,2,11,10,0,0,9,0,16,2,0,3,2,24,31,14,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,15,10,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,4,4,17,8,25,23,6,24,0,0,2,1,25,12,0,2,11,105,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065425234495346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231159137764574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129046111033425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442897577904257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050093916210923,0.10583152649035783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116169872309888,0.0,0.0,0.05229075729417513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452129112521353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540311293730226,0.0,0.0,0.17348259499922938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023991181035248,0.0,0.11008935060810064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992746603416133,0.0,0.0,0.06931825473084596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429868167954806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152081649193973,0.08684425827800021,0.0,0.0,0.08792145999217364,0.09333790651733948,0.0,0.13806334006582655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042200414819786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509297209214704,0.0,0.07602341577295625,0.0,0.0,0.09988081122717743,0.0,0.09704987623621646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6044448645664537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441247464433576,0.0,0.08831757787002187,0.0,0.08224137247011715,0.0,0.0,0.0824099828191454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961548157190597,0.0,0.0,0.07319910554753845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974693261244075,0.0,0.07775673554527011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826638576599065,0.0,0.13741135781923633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881940323361092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099804326103631,0.08208762410715359,0.08295490279981868,0.0,0.09298432913068032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057765788717584,0.10502501312784374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,freedomsearcher_,2019/04/15,"I want to give up Last Tuesday was my birthday but I couldn’t enjoy it and instead kept crying and being sad the whole day although birthdays are usually my fav time of the year, saturday I celebrated my birthday with some friends and we went barhoping. One of them said another word for „being horny“ that my rapist used and bc I wasn’t in a good mood and already drank a bit my inner movie started playing... I looked so sad all the time that my friends kept asking me what was wrong and tried to put up the corners of my mouth. I looked forward to celebrating my birthday for months and couldn’t enjoy it all and worst of all, what do my friends think about me? I’m a mess, I wanted them to have fun and looked like someone shit at me... On the 3rd of may I have to retake an exam and I can’t concentrate on studying... there are so many responsibilities I have and so much to do, yet I can’t even get myself out of bed and didn’t shower for 3 days bc I‘m anxious and sad and I‘m not functioning, how am I supposed to go on, when I‘m ruining everything? Thanks if you‘ve read so far!",5.142245322245323,4.979550549549554,5.740270270270269,84.32354469854471,68.27927927927928,8.632571032571034,30.590436590436592,8.139509932561175,1.9090453222453216,850,30,183,10,13,276,128,222,0.16899999999999998,0.639,0.191,0.7142,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,2,0,11,20,2,0,9,0,18,4,2,2,3,35,40,23,0,5,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,6,17,1,2,1,2,0,4,7,9,0,1,9,4,28,10,26,27,8,28,0,4,3,1,9,12,1,3,15,123,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690464297918537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063065403919358,0.0,0.1730584912909715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320981524886298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672412867903956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826948892761692,0.19758677970144453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117902726486032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767522193831785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35505729759777743,0.0,0.08003424762529585,0.1469515948808692,0.08706009681990423,0.12848656994554422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248684164539334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483976957185895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3859172454385323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530827814919362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227295600650692,0.0,0.1126105812315584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380394611174608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399594338586728,0.0,0.0,0.1532291489554832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14571657680356656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724496671959026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297954361742245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842703840032887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103464739424254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815648898888356,0.0,0.0,0.17864995276984091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400438885058703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230498335060484,0.16871460295572732,0.0,0.18070814197897572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200652723584942,0.0,0.17102858991505154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748669578952013,0.0,0.09864785260244023 ptsd,orangeappled1979,2019/04/15,"Four years later... It’s been 4 years and I feel A LOT better than I did at first but I still feel very ungrounded on a daily basis. It’s hard to explain what’s missing, but it a like... a sense of connection to what day it is? I used to have a strong feeling of “Ahh, it’s a Saturday morning”, for example, but for the past 4 years it’s like I’m numb to the world around me. Disconnected. Holidays, birthdays, successes, failures, it’s kind of all the same to me.",0.16816307403936293,2.302362742268045,2.69032802249297,91.48042174320528,86.5257731958763,6.413870665417058,22.220243673851925,7.686295010490155,1.0371319587628864,354,13,80,7,11,122,59,97,0.11599999999999999,0.685,0.19899999999999998,0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,4,2,8,0,0,9,0,4,1,0,1,1,13,11,4,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,4,6,6,14,9,3,13,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,1,11,52,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276804112631318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261987242645307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16494388719036027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879594592301797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175491218175257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22911050927269236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26633443342245583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24990260033117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21743780251257527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24415163143190824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20425007529312508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208943157176736,0.0,0.21102858792689835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.49410270148076796 ptsd,LT-Kaia,2019/04/15,"How do PTSD victims/survivors act when facing the same trauma again? ^ title. E.g. if a person experiences X trauma and X Trauma causes PTSD how would said person react differently if they were to experience X trauma again? Would they act differently? I’ve read that they would get something similar to an adrenaline rush as to make sure they can’t experience the trauma again. But I have also read that they just freeze (because I can’t think of a better word). Sorry for my ignorance of this subject. Also sorry if this isn’t the best place to post this.",5.138785714285714,6.920294152380954,6.048750000000003,75.07312500000002,69.3809523809524,8.29761904761905,25.505952380952376,8.841846274778883,2.0327380952380945,446,13,76,8,8,147,65,105,0.17800000000000002,0.726,0.096,-0.7929,2,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,5,2,9,9,0,0,6,0,9,1,1,5,1,19,13,11,0,6,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,1,1,2,0,3,3,6,0,0,2,2,8,3,8,8,2,9,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,3,4,52,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346941132452988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945068007853738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399343731862292,0.1297786449456792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507412859162421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306621866981475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4306164450575989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666502621294811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794936463495986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25625351968699506,0.1533109334907375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053531736401906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430598762157743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29355724754878465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958231022060166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129667851198796,0.0,0.32852440137633004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829968999346984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402437112341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127173433803309,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LebaneseGangsta,2019/04/15,"My work is threatening to fire me Hi everyone, To keep a long story short, my supervisors at my work (state bureaucratic job) called me into a meeting on Friday and let me know that they were considering firing me this week once my 6 month probation period is up because, essentially, I don’t socialize enough with my co-workers. I explained to them during the meeting that my PTSD, which I’ve told them about before , saps a lot of my mental energy and I am constantly battling anxiety attacks and flashbacks, etc., throughout the workday, which is very mentally and emotionally draining, and leaves engaging in small talk with others quite difficult for me. I’ve never been rude or disrespectful to anyone at my job, and I’ve never turned in sub-par work as a result of my difficulty socializing (they agreed with this). I simply don’t engage in small talk like some of my other co-workers do. However, my supervisors did not care when I explained all of this, and said that they simply have to fill out the “objective forms” that indicate whether or not I’m qualified for the job, and that my introverted behavior makes them have reservations. I don’t know what to do at this point, but I’m feeling really mistreated, and I am about to head into this work week fully expecting it to be my last. Thank you for reading, I just needed to vent to an understanding community because obviously our society still has problems recognizing the seriousness of our disability.",14.144224709784416,9.028670279850747,13.371094527363189,52.235928689883934,55.15671641791045,17.433499170812606,49.18076285240464,14.712192995108573,6.912575787728027,1177,52,195,37,9,394,156,268,0.079,0.863,0.057,-0.5748,4,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,2,1,6,5,5,11,3,0,10,0,18,1,1,2,4,40,34,15,0,3,7,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,16,15,0,1,6,1,0,1,7,6,0,0,5,4,35,5,35,27,6,28,0,0,0,0,21,15,0,4,12,140,51,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626787377886158,0.0,0.0,0.07885061306898349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829086484394125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374857079832789,0.0,0.09595799909185526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514962043542967,0.0,0.11497537447239832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186308220293394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684979590328085,0.0,0.11652038352958995,0.12576709462179458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077554840051564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570193269423988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573339026865245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357170967591879,0.10023414946006902,0.0,0.0,0.12394963911528753,0.09192167679764672,0.0,0.11940594648708475,0.0,0.11531380574368942,0.0,0.05509317172075078,0.0,0.0,0.09979689772384497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587205716573602,0.0,0.0,0.07527409367668382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22728898668573186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001103291214965,0.0,0.0,0.08361668520221986,0.17394860277937907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009516184389266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660302842794046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10790457493247088,0.13182076961508374,0.0,0.0,0.11994356991671284,0.11279938279237073,0.0,0.0722426231302612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726901531532143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299073150066117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005736200574359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127868566081104,0.0,0.10382242077864724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077554840051564,0.0,0.0,0.1226601437430274,0.0,0.11739636644673702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304612450800527,0.0,0.0,0.18091276428098974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4925824648314646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WorriedWindow,2019/04/15,"PTSD about a word? I think I got PTSD from the word ""comprehend"", I got into a fight with a member from a forum, I was trying to sound cool and intelligent, so I tried to use the word ""comprehend"" but I used it wrongly, I thought it meant something else, I thought the word had other meanings, ambiguous kind of, so the guy pointed out about it and I can't stop but feel embarrassing, I sounded like a low IQ person trying to overcompensate by using big words to sound smart.",5.0587096774193565,5.683294817204303,5.807688172043015,81.03153225806457,68.56989247311829,8.780645161290323,29.478494623655912,8.841846274778883,2.176062365591398,370,13,74,6,6,121,58,93,0.08800000000000001,0.77,0.14300000000000002,0.6036,0,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,1,9,1,3,0,0,3,0,23,14,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,7,5,10,4,13,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,1,2,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149887073586538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169856083557053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900923962521258,0.0,0.0,0.1795700090572376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888533737075827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860091533110022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19754881215692566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835223178609012,0.0,0.0,0.17143913847721584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239886898051817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961597533007827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162093977212246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620499127474967,0.0,0.2879512994088703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3693845172157764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698975970178844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982832742220644,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ccb808,2019/04/15,Yoga & Anxiety I unexpectedly found a decrease in my PTSD-related anxiety since I began practicing yoga. I was wondering if anyone else has experienced a long-lasting sense of calm after a few classes.,9.288333333333334,9.668104500000004,11.424444444444447,45.215,59.55555555555557,14.977777777777774,45.77777777777778,13.816669648895859,7.592377777777778,166,10,21,7,2,61,30,36,0.111,0.8140000000000001,0.075,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,1,3,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,14,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177428036894161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4486801455475717,0.0,0.0,0.205051446144345,0.30047547487260456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24497779692395516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32154011831610435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904281813104666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595223727821995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428006249968643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24258443195765975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3180236727914269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwawayds38383u4,2019/04/15,"Anyone else unable to cry/feel emotion since on antidepressants? My doctor isnt sure why but it only started since I started having pills nobody knows what this is it is torturous for so long to not be able to have one single even 10 second fucking cry I would just like to know if anyone else suffers this... Somehow its linked to the pills, even if it's just a correlation...maybe dissociation?",7.7898,7.39497994666667,7.770500000000002,72.74775000000002,62.86666666666667,9.633333333333333,32.083333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.579733333333333,316,10,56,4,4,102,56,75,0.191,0.769,0.04,-0.9243,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,2,0,7,4,0,0,1,12,12,4,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,3,2,7,10,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,3,4,39,10,1,0.19053199179667632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26644879750740696,0.3904450832495654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20929044629556526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501756713567212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31833006122986435,0.21432284586626926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25168916726338664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963386998982005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614375622441428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942279969879232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308430704920813,0.0,0.0,0.16861481704793402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141499500005893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910940864813272,0.1449081654617453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31522006503497363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26971904891293474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1795741474148649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192548724095322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534846034245396,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sterlow713,2019/04/15,"I found my mother I found my mother overdosed in our house when I was 18 y/o it was very traumatic she didn’t make it through the night. We ended up having her funeral on her Birthday! She would have turned 47! It still plays a major roll in my life to this day. They always say everything gets better with time but I’ll tell you special moments and holidays always seems a lil empty without my mother. I have gotten married since then, had a big nice wedding, now we are starting to have children and I tell you having a family makes me miss my Momma even more. Everything makes me emotional.",1.1467628205128193,3.772986512820516,2.6926442307692326,88.78204326923078,89.85470085470087,5.318162393162393,20.98771367521368,6.9077264865688965,0.8195303418803417,470,16,88,7,16,153,84,117,0.07,0.792,0.138,0.8496,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,3,2,1,1,4,5,0,0,5,0,11,1,0,3,0,14,22,5,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,5,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,1,22,4,9,14,2,15,0,1,0,0,19,5,0,1,10,60,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2925717867383072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548741472463026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338126984247422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19775973352811674,0.15571323034223475,0.0,0.0,0.11611917163739588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160088243312125,0.0,0.16573563023174356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38552761899801613,0.0,0.0,0.09185214355286876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20285820864870452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417801079498535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520585413891029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649833950775777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980915146078432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16004851200766734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542975064573574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443742762206805,0.0,0.1404000675419326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073269444526072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251474583951893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122803602803592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505956952865054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947212121996694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488857798886267,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Fluffy_Marshmallo,2019/04/15,Dealing with PTSD I live in Australia I do understand that this Reddit is for 'merica I was given advice from another post I made to try here. So it has been bought to my attention that I could be suffering from PTSD. I was wondering how did y'all for lack of better words deal with it except psychology cause I already do that for my depression. In terms of what I am experiencing I currently have dreams of me murdering my ouncle that touched my cousin and my best friend at the time. I have started having these dreams after I found out he got out of jail. So pls leave some tips/advice if you know any services that I could that is available in Australia pls do comment. Thanks in advance.,4.578666666666667,6.0496030518518475,5.233518518518519,81.58583333333334,70.33333333333334,8.65925925925926,28.314814814814817,9.120678840339163,2.3127925925925923,552,20,106,11,10,178,90,135,0.10300000000000001,0.747,0.151,0.7103,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,3,4,7,1,0,1,0,17,0,0,3,0,20,27,5,1,4,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,0,5,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,9,2,20,4,22,15,4,14,0,2,0,0,8,7,0,3,5,80,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381155569752585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091452313827986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764884181985158,0.1814100703282671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155731656990226,0.1530082251210725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772305004545538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27625967748754143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567196286891539,0.14900833140219533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896902614996508,0.13366267626614015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836732560558654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950786269060728,0.0,0.0,0.18318655088382246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276594733247129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637008312047616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656902758207687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044654865367206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245331863549527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927909560941694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088018594573712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11745854867296884,0.0,0.0,0.1801035550436104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18761575995807464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ggboy17,2019/04/15,"vietnam the good ole days of killin chinks in the jungles, if you get ptsd after ‘nam than ur a dumb sensitive libtard snowflake nigger",11.605600000000004,8.651855160000004,9.264,73.17200000000003,57.4,11.6,45.0,8.841846274778883,4.1878,109,5,19,1,1,32,24,25,0.24100000000000002,0.667,0.092,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,2,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388277368698029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145502661729868,0.0,0.0,0.5049773812486144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7037731590752305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway028558,2019/04/15,"i need advice. (tw rape) i’m 16 and i was raped in june. since then i’ve left school to avoid seeing my rapist, but i saw him again today with a girl. i know he still preys on girls, and gets them drunk. and i know he still violently attacks them. i have been to the police a month after it happened but i didn’t want to take it any further. lately i have been thinking about revisiting the detectives involved and taking it to court, however i’m scared this will make my (already hard to manage) ptsd and depression worse. i just want him to stop. i feel bad everytime i’m reminded that i let him get away with ruining my life and i feel like it’s my fault if he does it again because i could have stopped him. i’m so lost and everybody’s telling me something different but none of them have been in this position. please somebody who understands tell me what i should do.",1.276186440677968,3.6777950790960494,2.528166666666668,92.69970762711864,84.08474576271186,6.251864406779661,21.84435028248588,7.554174236665415,0.8677143502824859,687,23,148,12,20,220,112,177,0.276,0.6779999999999999,0.046,-0.9932,2,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,1,7,13,5,2,4,0,14,5,0,1,0,29,36,13,0,6,5,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,10,9,1,3,6,1,0,0,2,12,0,0,7,5,27,1,15,25,1,18,0,3,2,3,16,6,0,1,13,89,37,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480042633608693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671390906395968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029975096359185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723068055323502,0.14230098686010156,0.0,0.12646217906505705,0.09232817620245044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092791715539675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045166286405446,0.0,0.0,0.15824271954854902,0.0,0.0,0.1325430436407771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531647337634017,0.10820254564762397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826245351158413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393494822274804,0.0,0.1356777724589354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647612742203344,0.0,0.17085267402532567,0.0,0.16456095963281728,0.1548773837142892,0.10698017433469338,0.07399535763824963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653357045674833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011002508756165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089335871752215,0.0,0.0,0.11230514295717657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625681591094216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17704780260715233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516371696268734,0.15328488553449232,0.12069344307762553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528868821403344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660075957404775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419111661731535,0.25325349341955583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22775707054885566,0.0,0.2647641871922806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704899612596367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356569540395372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15767446036121838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866922453627976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434995405436402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,danixsimili,2019/04/15,"Struggling to cope atm need advice Hello everyone, first post on this subreddit but I really do need help as I'm at a lose. Trigger warning! I survived a bin lorry accident that happened in Glasgow in 2014. Since then well I've been diagnosed with severe Ptsd. I was in my last year of uni when the accident happened and I had to stop my studies. In 2017, I contacted lawyers to claim and it has been ongoing since. Last summer they advised me to go back to university as it would help my case so I followed their advise. I initially felt very good as I felt like my life was back on track but I now realise that I may have made a mistake. I totally ignored anything that revolved around my Ptsd. So I started my application to get student loan but when it asked about my disability I just kept putting it back. I also had to deal with lawyers prepping for court. So I had to travel across the country each time to visit them which was emotionally draining as it was where a lot of my triggers are. I then had the court case on valentines day which was as horrific as you can imagine it being. Because of all of this I've missed quite a lot of uni and my uni is actually threatening to kick me out now due to the payment issue which I am trying to resolve. I have started Emdr treatment but due to everyone happening with university I feel like I cannot really focus on the treatment. A lot of my feelings after the accident is that I lost my pride and everything happening is triggering me I think. I was thinking that the best may be to redo the year next year if my university permits it. I'm worried though as my parents already think I am too old to continue university at 28. I think they are also at the stage where they feel frustrated with my ptsd. I have heard them say numerous times that I should start to get over it... Does anyone have any advice? Sorry for the long post.",3.8997608453837596,5.506901037634409,5.1143715239154615,81.2424193548387,72.2258064516129,8.356840934371524,30.569521690767523,8.939507131559953,2.608562736373749,1494,66,287,30,29,495,187,372,0.147,0.759,0.094,-0.9648,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,6,8,20,14,1,1,16,0,33,2,0,5,2,48,63,26,0,6,6,1,5,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,19,11,0,3,11,1,2,5,1,7,1,1,18,7,51,7,52,39,7,55,0,3,0,0,19,17,0,6,32,208,70,5,0.0,0.0,0.08877235059940572,0.0,0.0,0.17778716525946398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038624717318413,0.14549530876451425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0618618506357016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636074457822008,0.0,0.0748595074411975,0.0809814493639849,0.08504347550492418,0.0,0.0,0.20984799692597933,0.0,0.05545368879201439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546606176254707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866730024906607,0.09378475830039076,0.0,0.09233133828972123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960734193953417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232756856744107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17384902513304332,0.08175682193430728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798955794496665,0.06498807340990043,0.17468847847745342,0.0,0.0,0.07737794874362178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505480564511687,0.0,0.05169962127591416,0.07630024830970776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217733629150452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194883408062035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494771169784434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830330026730576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425389884733887,0.08888544544685582,0.0,0.0,0.08050445664446297,0.0,0.10177073139073624,0.09930310642321902,0.23201506396136226,0.0,0.08607680460157661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349043098963471,0.0,0.0,0.09674626821700576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954563715005172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101000072644736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424577983194506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190127050346667,0.09144869167267272,0.0,0.0967564337607157,0.0,0.0,0.1165537858254041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234197921502125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276876301702874,0.0,0.15050053431460145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183203693091313,0.1931643896386436,0.0,0.0,0.07605392517872447,0.0,0.0951002600078656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23315633645555606,0.08937630781708453,0.0,0.10608918708495052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176179111920008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505872293864145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179180628020945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238315325431222,0.0,0.06462157032401447,0.0,0.0,0.1757426239639452 ptsd,Imnotsure12345,2019/08/17,"Why do I get such a strong urge to view things that I know will trigger me? Things such as my ex boyfriend and his new girlfriend being cute together. Or even worse, videos of teenagers being abused. A couple of years ago, there was a video of a mom shaving a teen girl’s head because she allegedly ‘bullied a cancer patient’. I watched the video and it was really distressing because the girl was freaking out. It made me feel all weird and anxious and disgusted for ages afterwards, and I still feel it now when I remember it. However, *I’m really tempted to watch it again*. It’s a strong urge but I know it’ll just disgust and horrify me. Why am I like this? Why do I want to watch something that I *know* is horrible?",2.0438262910798137,4.468960894366198,3.05974647887324,89.98689671361505,80.90140845070422,6.885258215962442,26.368075117370893,8.021203637495839,1.750643568075117,565,24,115,11,15,180,89,142,0.21100000000000002,0.715,0.07400000000000001,-0.9649,1,0,1,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,9,9,2,1,9,0,11,2,1,2,1,20,20,10,0,1,3,2,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,2,12,7,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,6,15,4,9,12,1,10,0,0,4,0,7,1,0,1,10,73,27,0,0.0,0.21571604880444264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138873602105416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20568047859717625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22196902864016105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20145033453145253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025154383695305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184114040663184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512091682377083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18685017225419376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001728113957673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894726579905991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227334305497385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323113672614835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758385295158158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233269699343463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062430017469246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401617491317316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453965321889417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24191044106309395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738605442407807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4928532798714338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855387530723875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724323599781745 ptsd,A-R-Snow,2019/08/17,"PTSD during thunderstorms So I'm 19 years old, male. Thunderstorms make me really anxious and sad/depressed. I had a traumatic event when I was a kid during a thunderstorm and now everytime i hear/see thunder i get really anxious. My breathing gets fast and i feel like a pit in my stomach (kinda like when you are falling on a rollercoaster, but not fun at all.) I feel really bad for my girlfriend because I get really difficult and emotional. I know she understands, but i still feel bad for it and try to keep it together but sometimes I just can't. Any advice?",3.016868686868688,5.576169777777778,4.627979797979798,79.36954545454545,78.07407407407408,9.112457912457913,28.33670033670034,9.573946990214177,3.2545629629629627,448,20,80,14,11,150,72,108,0.22699999999999998,0.72,0.053,-0.9626,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,5,0,4,2,2,1,1,19,15,11,0,0,5,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,4,16,3,6,13,1,12,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,10,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16926325220288246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177918328424488,0.0,0.0,0.3913662727620012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892538258445085,0.10558998112022863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491894369137594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19484305315809666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26274744089334456,0.12374450814495848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714923574633393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952253851461436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396104954237225,0.0,0.0,0.09519418597047273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692477581031213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11562205623772953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817595309547127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20247853801070773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4438627010352411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131361767100334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13832936227932247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176013084122721,0.0,0.0,0.1803224538539235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115444902500617 ptsd,fun_struggle,2019/08/17,"I'm visiting the town where I grew up tomorrow. Tomorrow I'm driving down to Connecticut where I (16f) grew up and experienced most of my childhood trauma for a family party/gathering/whatevs. A crash course on my life (the traumatic parts): I grew up with two angry, violent parents who fought physically and verbally with each other and never really noticed me or my younger brother. In school I was bullied a lot because I was smart and quiet (I was diagnosed with asperger's but not yet). When I was seven my parents went through a messy divorce, and afterwards they took their anger out on me. In seventh grade, when I was 12, a teacher sexually assaulted me on multiple occasions. The summer later my dad died. In the middle of eighth grade we moved into my dad's old house, and when I went to boarding school for ninth grade, my family moved to Maine. So basically I'm revisiting my shitty childhood, and the party is at my dad's old house (I'm renting it out to my aunt because I can't technically own it until I'm 18). I'm not excited, well a little because my extended family is okay to be around and I haven't seen them in a while, but just the thought of being back there is giving me the chills, especially considering that my mom, who was even more abusive back then than she is now, will be with me. Just thinking about this party has made me jittery, anxious, and all-around not good. I thought that I'd put all that behind me when we moved away but I guess not. I have an icky feeling.",5.720850340136052,6.087129316326532,6.794285714285718,75.44238095238097,67.06122448979592,10.342857142857145,33.34013605442176,10.25414643259724,3.402021768707483,1185,50,225,28,18,399,161,294,0.177,0.77,0.053,-0.9899,3,0,0,0,1,0,39.0,2,0,3,0,18,10,4,0,15,1,18,2,0,1,2,40,36,21,1,0,10,8,1,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,9,20,0,0,4,0,1,12,7,5,1,2,14,4,39,5,36,18,8,55,0,0,1,0,20,22,0,4,21,163,48,5,0.0,0.1383466362251263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131910455938721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207890016276865,0.0,0.0,0.1097039305871452,0.17956912288446053,0.0,0.21353535327149398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851333589771128,0.12118293862064933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712173796490447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302250523994732,0.0,0.05903955303450525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112010983899459,0.0,0.09793637918073844,0.0,0.0,0.12862907233858362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26946071679341793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247409858760782,0.0,0.11702853258249715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926885684360316,0.0,0.11048523118703632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675297071320672,0.0,0.37230600819962056,0.0,0.0,0.09005584869009316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329369622874073,0.2450490424761213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593059380891523,0.12644438952752424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738040100320107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480221897321812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363434690620451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481786718051188,0.0,0.18539566878578626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972946565251714,0.0,0.0,0.11406178275123288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498515445482404,0.21648340528359336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,i_wear_grey,2019/08/17,"What if triggers are constant and beyond avoidance? Two huge triggers of mine are the sound of cicadas and airplanes. I cannot avoid them even when I’m indoors. My brother passed away in July 2015, and two months later my dad passed away. My brother was on life support for an accidental overdose (he was 22 years old) and my father, three weeks later, entered palliative care for his failing liver and died two months exactly after my brother (September 2015). The sound of cicadas and airplanes take me right back to this period, and I get flashbacks, severe anxiety that makes my stomach hurt, and panic attacks. I can’t escape them because they are loud (I live in Toronto) and constant unless I wear earplugs or noise cancelling headphones. Luckily, in the winter cicadas are gone. But I find summer absolutely miserable, and the misery is heightened because in Canada most people are in joyful and very social states because we have such long winters.",8.45189349112426,9.203531023668642,7.4791065088757405,71.5418550295858,61.248520710059175,8.8901775147929,39.385207100591714,8.548686976883017,3.7110350295858,769,38,113,9,10,236,115,169,0.17300000000000001,0.7290000000000001,0.09699999999999999,-0.9301,0,2,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,3,1,5,10,1,4,5,0,11,4,3,3,1,24,18,16,1,1,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,12,0,2,1,0,0,4,2,7,0,4,3,3,19,3,17,15,1,33,0,3,0,0,12,11,0,3,17,78,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795265121469785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17540999878772065,0.2897275688618751,0.11856030394153973,0.0,0.2819729358751937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720394683872596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332427936702628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002178776178075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183907507864896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092414646292256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055635612545971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506039800035166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890685479532933,0.0,0.0,0.1361499668943429,0.13645066412212786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292103569989652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461412228097129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617933444785256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809052510345811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689386837884708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316748759019601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741874493559186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571742535824928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496960746295248,0.0,0.0,0.11592945312124915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518549541437998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272204424454163,0.0,0.0,0.12367953011235112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929138813747496 ptsd,hufflepups,2019/08/17,"I don't know kinda of a vent No matter how much they abused you or broke you. I don't think that feeling will ever leave me. I've cut contact with my entire family. I don't want her but just that feeling of wanting a mother. Of someone who remembers what you were like as a kid. Because I don't anymore. I've forgotten what I was like as I kid. It's all just blank I feel like I've voluntarily made myself an orphan and am grieving the love that I never truly knew. Idk I sound crazy... I'm sorry",0.10758566978192974,2.2023252336448635,2.77535046728972,91.046265576324,86.38317757009347,5.061993769470405,19.19704049844237,6.42735559955562,0.07493208722741418,388,11,85,4,12,135,72,107,0.193,0.623,0.184,0.6143,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,3,1,0,4,7,1,0,5,0,8,1,0,2,3,22,19,6,1,2,4,1,3,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,7,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,4,4,17,4,6,14,2,2,0,2,0,1,11,0,0,2,5,54,24,0,0.0,0.2736254214295889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290298261168063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407785126387168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20889790571511316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21770910999329204,0.0,0.3503096935539457,0.16498315104366895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691825276033858,0.0,0.0,0.2445314759366032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384759718736725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084318218680576,0.21852044090254336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976702869638952,0.0,0.17811469958639062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26160931735341264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19567420127545526,0.0,0.0,0.25851774715786363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14797664038912475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724280790446593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KodahEllie,2019/08/17,"PTSD from relationship Hi guys, New here... Basically I want to share my story and how I've been going ever since I'm 21 currently a female from Australia. When I was 16 turning 17 I started talking to a guy on a Chinese chat app called *WeChat* I'm not Chinese myself I'm white Australian but I had a friend who had the app and told me to get it so I could message and call them on there. Long story short I wish I never did. After a while of having the app I met a guy on there who was from Malaysia but living in Australia at the time working (little did I know he was illegal until the end of the relationship). I started talking to him and a week later we decided to meet. So he came to my house after work and we talked a bit and he brought me something to eat aswell and then he slept at my house with me (not sexually) (stupid I know). This guy was 31 and I never knew until I found out into the relationship he had been lying to me and said he was 25 which is still wrong. We started a relationship and were together for a year and a half until I realised he was staying with me so he could earn money to go back to his country with his family (his family knew about this too yet they never said anything because they had money and what else mattered right?) Previously in the past I had been sexually assaulted by a different Malaysian man who i found out in the end had a partner and a son and a baby on the way in which he never said anything about. That experience in my life gave me extremely bad trust issues and my thoughts still after three years are still messy and I can't shake them. I never told anyone about the assault apart from my current boyfriend who is 27 and a great guy yet I still have issues trusting. While in a relationship with my ex boyfriend I would wake to him watching porn and chatting to women from Thailand,China, Malaysia and he'd even watch Hentai. I told him how it made me feel and that I wish he would change that behaviour. He never changed he just hid it. I trusted him, I let him do things with my body that I regret now to the point I can't fully feel clean because I feel always marked by him. He would forcefully force himself onto me sometimes which I'm not sure is sexual assault because I gave in just so he'd be happy but after it was done I'd feel pain and I'd cry. I never felt loved I only ever felt used. While he was speaking to and looking at all these other women from other countries. He would watch degrading anime, TV,movies and YouTube channels. I remember waking up one night to him watching a TV show and the scene was a woman's shirt being undone. And I said ""What are you watching?!"" He said ""It's just a TV show and they are showing the woman being raped"". Why on earth would he want to watch this??? I never went through his phone but one day I saw a message pop up on his phone from a girl named Stephanie and I remember her name before and he said it was his cousin but I was stupid to believe it because her name had hearts next to it and the messages just seemed very flirty when I opened the phone to see. At this point I know I shouldn't have but I was so frustrated I needed to see. I found on his phone dating emails, porn, degrading material and chats from women. He sent photos of my body to his friends and they asked him ""Is she a good f*CK?"" In Chinese (I translated it). All he said was ""Haha don't have dirty mind la"". I felt disgusting, degraded and worthless. His friends used to tag him in disgusting content in Facebook Thai and Malaysian nightclubs, Women degrading themselves, VR porn and just really messed up things that I could hardly understand. I turned toxic, I didn't know how to leave in this case tell him to go as he lived with me. I don't feel like I loved him in the end yet I stayed out of dear of being not good enough. In the end I used sex as a way to get him to love me, to this day I feel degraded and disgusting. I couldn't be like he said the women on his phone who were cool , outgoing, hot and f*ckable. I couldn't lose my self respect and I am from a complete different culture I never understood his way or why his family and friends were so nasty to me or so accepting of what he did and did to me. They were the same as him female and male and no matter what I said or what he said to them they would be on his side. I am suffering tremendously and this is the first time I've gotten this off my chest. I would love someone to talk to. I plan on getting therapy but I don't know where to start as I've tried in the past and I can never find a good therapist. When I was 15 I was in a relationship with a 25 year old Chinese-Vietnamese Australian who said he loved me if I sent him photos of my body he would not leave me. Ever since then I've hated myself and I've been affected by more than just that, everyday life is hard. I am glad to get this off my chest. Any support would be appreciated.",2.9138261971371584,4.300674371655108,4.103131311864112,88.39376334508414,74.36174430128841,7.0910213144986285,24.764223256514157,7.673916911548106,1.1042996349311895,3847,121,824,50,79,1258,370,1009,0.142,0.748,0.11,-0.9912,4,0,1,0,0,0,89.0,3,1,9,6,40,53,11,1,49,2,84,24,10,8,16,162,169,80,0,22,22,3,12,2,5,10,3,12,1,17,43,60,1,0,28,9,2,9,25,25,0,5,72,36,141,28,116,72,6,128,0,4,11,10,160,48,0,5,68,554,184,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034051282695362936,0.0,0.0,0.02782909922887813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0286143706044703,0.0,0.06735241960588008,0.0,0.0382575576752847,0.0,0.0,0.03146732420397443,0.03416906430400067,0.09978532437305854,0.0,0.03482252885054415,0.04610629993130217,0.0,0.0,0.044677406810097735,0.13636895672802568,0.0,0.0,0.08357408486401635,0.046805104037945376,0.0,0.0,0.08658238958516061,0.0,0.04290707312423162,0.0,0.0,0.0980212536581224,0.0,0.04495208423006535,0.05278400511281858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551182179318198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04187852131225643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04187452958025961,0.03418598406818424,0.0,0.14498281696681087,0.04228448337330964,0.0,0.02702930985832223,0.1110518123038956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040030626945037416,0.11573591959698662,0.0,0.12415163986003674,0.029235458122133563,0.11787772961204893,0.0,0.0374029557743353,0.034809152839513566,0.0,0.13461014222585102,0.1264682872680921,0.0,0.08552248570957036,0.0,0.06977259211281192,0.1029730193768305,0.0,0.04511784263005995,0.0,0.20260142662902206,0.0,0.043563381995759626,0.07331808713161593,0.040403071370522986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048494049479845584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944394849111065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542613139572966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124512788135291,0.0,0.0,0.08666327051052412,0.0,0.041846624204114925,0.05781036643714409,0.039985901745978866,0.04101567927419558,0.07227166270992666,0.03621563999950435,0.03436508233181052,0.04578246129665243,0.0,0.0,0.1846733972831777,0.0387224098850282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04132064719319358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030343946939263688,0.3156240384399025,0.03952376782587469,0.04352216221415305,0.03840354046750457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042941890797289765,0.0,0.05546107923386629,0.03112384810084208,0.043545044784851016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781314250641597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773710804335106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783689318727995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026216374372129172,0.0,0.0,0.2636164516760021,0.09271574937759848,0.03494808862474031,0.4281994474178989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522079641643838,0.03725483709897109,0.042691699758789683,0.0,0.0,0.06770399301670878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03467399477329857,0.031504588021778135,0.04047397472625429,0.0,0.11586227293017408,0.08723712133626778,0.13072490532642148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0464390287544616,0.03856952069725806,0.0,0.0,0.13156969343159464,0.035768577627131946,0.0,0.046799111012310914,0.0475148526156474,0.054374954872291985,0.0,0.0,0.032488356138202466,0.047725156686376925,0.0,0.0,0.11731127637359405,0.0,0.027784086572695044,0.08902512421532989,0.0,0.04260237183173548,0.0,0.10603321125302972,0.0,0.033765828651864324,0.04827498835984353,0.09744851358514038,0.0328260281228664,0.0,0.0,0.0379361072182902,0.07385343306914355,0.0,0.09411904989826934,0.0,0.0,0.05958498251040799,0.0,0.0,0.2616352512822423,0.04474296620574199,0.0,0.07905936972104582 ptsd,bigteethsmallkiss,2019/08/17,Whenever anyone talks to me in a condescending way I go into instant panic It puts me right into flashback mode and I can't stop crying. I have shit to do. I'm moving today. Please any words of support for an ongoing panic attack. I just can't seem to settle right now.,0.7391168831168822,3.20460150909091,3.5651948051948037,83.49636363636365,88.45454545454545,5.324675324675325,18.766233766233768,6.868970318607317,0.5903506493506487,213,6,39,3,7,75,43,55,0.215,0.632,0.153,-0.7057,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,2,2,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,7,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,8,8,0,12,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,3,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636188576793158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15049187209720455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448520267869499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23641698795209234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223185854556977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22875246685934064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5050455239535634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23625484911735606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21636279591833005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676057290272556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19593477197868756,0.0,0.0,0.22092764195928566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993958788531875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24423729154269866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17299148170572254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040102327248832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083734422855068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,possibly_mothman,2019/08/17,"Back with vengeance, flashbacks galore, advice welcome Damn, over two years after trauma and a year and a half after diagnose, I am experiencing my first absolute, overwhelming meltdown. I don't even know what to do with myself. I posted on another subreddit and got no response, this shit is miserable. **Don't read what is below this if it's a lot, just giving background on what caused me to feel this way, but have any of you experienced something like this? What do you do when you are overwhelmed for prolonged periods of time? I can't see my therapist again for three weeks. How do you cope with guilt and harmful thoughts?** TW: rape, sexual abuse \-A little over 2 years ago, my ex raped me. There had been about a year of sexual abuse leading up to the rape. The manipulation and gaslighting and little things like forced kisses and groping fucked me up just as much as the actual rape. \-A few weeks later, I met my current BF and fiancee. I truly believed he saved me from further abuse. He helped me cut my ex out of my life. \-My BF is my ex's uncle (though they are the same age, they're family), but they are not in contact with each other and don't interact with each other's immediate family frequently. \-I have had a lot of trouble trusting people after my abuse, My friendships are mostly people who my BF is friends with, people who he trusts I believe are safe to be around and I am more comfortable around them. \-My BF's two close friends are dating each other. They have been together for years. I thought they were in love. They are extremely good friends with my BF, and I liked them and was very interested in being close to them as well. **THE INCIDEN**T: My BF's good friends were apart for a few days. One of them told my BF he cheated on his partner with My abusive ex. My ex has told their friends that He raped them. I am in absolute shambles. I have spent years avoiding contact with my ex. Now not only have my friend destroyed his relationship to ""have sex"" with him, but I believe my ex was raped by him. I have to cut off a friend who I tried so hard to warm up to and put myself out of my comfort zone to interact with because I discover he is a PoS. And now my rapist is coming to me wanting help after they have been raped. The poor partner who has had their relationship destroyed is coming to me for help. I believe my ex is going to tell their family about what happened, which includes me since I am engaged to their uncle. It has never crossed my mind to blame somebody for being assaulted, and I am not blaming my ex, but I really disgusting, horrible, ugly part of me can't help but be glad that they can experience all the hurt they caused me.",4.006980543660397,5.66164979580153,4.684848259169616,84.23799571774346,72.03435114503817,7.7839508471420595,27.47514429342767,8.407314429234152,1.8767067212809527,2119,77,414,35,41,679,235,524,0.23399999999999999,0.588,0.17800000000000002,-0.9943,1,2,1,0,4,0,76.0,0,4,17,2,17,53,18,5,17,0,55,15,1,5,2,68,73,28,0,2,11,9,3,3,17,0,2,0,0,2,22,37,0,2,4,1,2,6,10,27,1,6,17,6,83,26,69,52,13,60,0,4,1,12,78,24,3,4,31,304,105,2,0.0,0.4274556555920581,0.07041225791161615,0.0,0.0,0.0705084164669416,0.06396049653551092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04906744670429011,0.07566014947332693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846537599087887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548225763997815,0.0,0.04398463497935081,0.0,0.0,0.3251730709650259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14824483014600862,0.0,0.1243092036322906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04653360025078705,0.0,0.0,0.07323516794455652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476572816827185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058082038554453,0.20406215881771025,0.0,0.036483418082040885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137447129449094,0.0,0.0,0.39022401749257796,0.0667055535072301,0.0,0.0692170476459461,0.04100699195901336,0.12103932646657806,0.057708442087031825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380587217100768,0.0,0.0646361440448263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19345421630331391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724274671671284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03965415541934909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509647662466652,0.1057529433511722,0.14463527117963276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268613228270142,0.06512213711530762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285534602697001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304176503059644,0.0,0.05564989925607107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889366930436306,0.05487665070868535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813615263254096,0.0,0.1500682677514082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691039423125275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253507224105432,0.0,0.0,0.07217389721151098,0.0,0.046223937817912,0.0,0.0,0.15493358332829454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749769199956881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406542516492293,0.0596868414908611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554796010411628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306610077362221,0.0,0.0,0.08377678627704778,0.04793615808943888,0.0,0.0708913033699333,0.11456502204476922,0.04207379410492506,0.0,0.0,0.13789318760511488,0.0,0.04898808171693938,0.0,0.14096867247162487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953491286855191,0.042558517597271465,0.05727278136008768,0.11575576860647148,0.0,0.06487544511294724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787902963267106 ptsd,Fryzot,2019/08/17,"Hypervigilance and aggressivity It's almost a year since I had to quit my meds. Since then, I've been to hell again and again, but also made a lot of progress in therapy. My health seems to be better than ever now, but one thing persists: I always get episodes of hypervigilance and extreme aggressiveness. I'm always looking for a threat, thinking ""If this guy looks funny at me I'm gonna rip his face off "". Of course I don't want to hurt anyone and have never done so in my adult life. I call this my ""fight mode"". I have the suspicion that quitting my meds messed with my hormone levels or something. That I put on a significant amount of muscle mass while simultaneously losing fat, which shouldn't really be possible at my training level points in that direction. Are maybe my testosterone levels too high? Or is that really just in my mind? These hypervigilant states are extremely exhausting. I usually let this excessive energy out through training, often to the point where I accept injury as a side effect. Does anyone experience something similar?",5.72245250431779,7.7649177564766845,6.36375129533679,72.35460794473231,68.32642487046633,9.29174438687392,28.92884283246977,9.725611199111238,2.9419025215889474,849,31,143,20,15,277,134,193,0.156,0.7340000000000001,0.11,-0.8338,0,0,2,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,0,7,10,11,5,0,7,0,13,5,2,2,2,25,23,14,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,11,6,1,0,4,0,0,1,3,9,0,1,4,2,19,2,23,14,2,29,1,2,2,0,5,18,1,7,9,97,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655374849063534,0.0,0.0,0.10905415494008397,0.2269396875125216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907046022742128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060720448516615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924788731796905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933733775971195,0.13955272441740027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335347152417868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339494507609606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124711848544771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502664454705726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449537569957106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408122325608974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598572104317736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394464329772371,0.09632138245423892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290310504745005,0.15256191012198336,0.0,0.11593595673762833,0.0,0.12903554438254344,0.0,0.0,0.13700088284238515,0.0,0.3029501972376616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769370813034731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517609761694197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240709155542916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578253655401676,0.15373543772683726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708840340523695,0.0,0.2900902086367359,0.0,0.0,0.1747228103255116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414511907244145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256115159599286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20996687334326736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559497144940731,0.0,0.09059743341846144,0.08737968068180088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019107024394346,0.0,0.08043390663918673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781709644609233 ptsd,Sugarplums01,2019/08/17,"OD update: numbness, dissasociation hi today will be my first full day at home after suicide attempt. I don't feel genuine emotion ie just numb always. i'll laugh or smile but theres nothing behind it. I don't know if I want to die, or want to live. Its like an odd inbetween or the 0 on a carrtier plane. It is nothing. I'm constantly dissasociating. I don't think ive processed the last day and a half. physically im always shaking which is due to the shit in my blood and not eating probably. I have no one i can talk to. If anyone has had a similar experience how did you pus through? how do you not feel numb? stay safe loves <3",1.1537622682660853,3.3896072824427463,3.7325681570338105,84.96803435114505,83.04580152671755,6.490948745910576,23.860959651035987,7.7094869923839395,1.279056270447111,498,19,105,9,14,174,94,131,0.172,0.677,0.151,0.4299,0,0,0,0,0,2,17.0,0,2,0,2,4,9,1,1,7,0,14,7,2,2,0,20,22,10,3,4,9,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,4,0,0,1,6,5,0,3,2,2,11,4,10,18,1,15,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,5,10,64,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080088853264145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941480755730864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20000969831186746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23872731496362984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920876316096946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893868036480771,0.0,0.20819422052108846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18104734694675045,0.0,0.0,0.1871677324015747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743207768668602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565401479914526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199922127336062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171714631355612,0.15086789626740355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09042253368055693,0.0,0.1634322741313537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704524101343074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551855519170045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541748681430276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19955150348396025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18998573059004448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19727456923031053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20245149794433345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876324549633682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859414429437133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754376807191233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833429135234744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SunnyRae97,2019/08/17,"Preschool PTSD TW: talk of abusive and sexual assault. My first set of trauma was abuse from the ages 0-4. My dad was very abusive. His friends took advantage of me. He threatened my life daily. Ended up being gaslighted and sexually harassed from 6-17 I have always been in ptsd chatrooms and communities. But I haven’t met someone who was born into abuse. I know others have. I know people have had it worse or it never got better. And i wish no one had to go through that similar of a situation but most people who talk about ptsd have a before. A sense of self before the trauma. I don’t and sometimes feel really alone because of it. Disconnected.",2.0211904761904758,4.709625087301589,3.700285714285717,83.4947142857143,83.84126984126985,6.217142857142857,23.479365079365078,7.554174236665415,1.4278926984126987,515,19,94,9,15,171,85,126,0.23199999999999998,0.727,0.040999999999999995,-0.9698,0,1,0,0,2,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,1,7,2,0,5,0,13,1,0,0,1,15,21,8,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,4,0,2,9,1,11,3,14,11,1,11,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,2,5,63,18,0,0.0,0.6123587349667833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381993698015834,0.0,0.0,0.10751093751102203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876365384797887,0.0,0.21989202325916726,0.0,0.0,0.11427347738872964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443943767508495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533116199222744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109903779226801,0.0,0.0,0.09982534469587992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343156357948369,0.0,0.10333899005375348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201805573923013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912630333065172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965274018388072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875543026844335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17915233505649947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531097357057379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277359217576155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347915350522636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523457186912636,0.0,0.0,0.10947704139900898,0.0,0.1277894582282381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20770408585510888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355421577728292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660966656309888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858217504956964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167341598876633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AmethystPeachy,2019/08/17,"Car Accident 18(F) Here. This happened at the end of June. I need reassurance, and honestly some kindness. I’m struggling. I have had panic attacks since I was 14. People upon hearing about my accident immediately started texting around. My coworker (19F) has even gone on to say how hilarious it was to receive a text saying I was in an accident, and how funny it was. I would never wish an accident onto anyone. During exam week my mom let me take the car to drive to and from my exams. My exam was in the morning, my boyfriend finished before me. I was his ride home and me and him planned to hang out after that. We planned to drive around together. I finished my exam and went outside thinking he was in the car. I got in, and texted him. And then moved the car to the front of the school and parked there. I went back inside to look for him, and I couldn’t find him. I got back in and drove to the stop sign. Put the car in park, and texted him. I turned off my phone and laid it in the seat next to me. I signalled to turn left to go to his house to see if he was there. As I was turning something on the Bluetooth monitor buzzed. I looked at it for a second. Just a second. And I collided with a rock, and smashed into a tree. The sound was horrifying, and I’d been in car accidents before, but was only ever a passenger. I immediately started screaming and having a panic attack. I got out and threw up. Someone eventually came and called my mom. My boyfriend was in the school the whole time and came out. I blacked out and was just sitting down with no vision and hearing random people say my name. The cars damage totalled to around $9000. This is my moms car. It is fixed now, but I still have immense guilt and cry whenever I think about it. I have flashbacks while driving and have panic attacks a lot more frequently now. People think this accident is funny, my mom thinks I’m a horrible driver now. She keeps bringing up the accident and how she knows I was on my phone while driving. I wasn’t. Her boyfriend says the same thing. She isn’t mad about the damages but I know she has resentment and is upset. It hurts me so bad to think about, I’m crying right now and am on the verge of having a panic attack. My breathing is laboured, so I’ll stop writing this now. I’m young, was in a car accident, it wasn’t my car, I need reassurance, I need kind words. Mostly I need to know I’m not alone. Has anyone had a similar experience? Can anyone offer me advice?",2.02590053763441,4.167751616935482,3.546854838709677,88.03819892473118,79.20161290322581,6.310752688172044,23.84139784946237,7.413659706084162,1.0605155913978497,1926,67,394,27,48,635,222,496,0.21100000000000002,0.743,0.046,-0.9982,0,1,1,0,0,0,67.0,1,0,0,2,27,23,6,7,33,0,40,1,1,3,3,81,83,40,0,8,7,4,0,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,14,40,0,3,9,1,0,29,7,18,0,2,30,12,63,5,61,50,7,90,0,3,4,0,34,33,0,5,27,277,77,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922593149989692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337089311103996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860301118506,0.0,0.0,0.18919305873127987,0.0,0.3223717708094669,0.0,0.10894617009716996,0.05915006734596485,0.0,0.0,0.12056255964991848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233754931218811,0.16204863155443264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556331063615653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274493874997969,0.0,0.0,0.04679043839803125,0.0640805975665126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929701845604605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474825688249945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04026111149017863,0.0,0.1699763315811673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264530048369911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15968804762145275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106024974648947,0.0,0.0,0.08174209634350647,0.07583777031189072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296757819882534,0.0,0.1475419743698617,0.11679864550779627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696998356947737,0.07244069131810757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189787883092966,0.0,0.0,0.060227290690690924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318769322763924,0.0,0.07529377925330072,0.0,0.2101136266455716,0.05463767741377619,0.0,0.07534121517362546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053878493565152716,0.0,0.3324710479892643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733866032203338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121572422000966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060498636350545386,0.0,0.2253454411243871,0.0,0.14339166649689652,0.056451860461658926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058601191283721675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002415248327731,0.054537592443725996,0.0,0.0,0.10028459055394658,0.0,0.05657447102632079,0.11845408091269186,0.0,0.07405938528036057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053264328359208635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04706424229260054,0.2269632984006989,0.0,0.0,0.04130850946019901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23116708929909596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05682513740772074,0.0,0.0,0.1313423906982949,0.0,0.07909250481104055,0.08146474381753895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05032408716498014,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mjobby,2019/08/17,"TRE - trauma releasing exercises I tried TRE a few months ago once. It seemed like it has potential but the class kinda scared me off. Tried it at home a couple times and couldnt get myself to shake (used to be a runner / lifter so it takes a while for quads to shake) Before trying again wanted to see if others had experiences Thanks",1.7623461538461562,4.438925600000001,2.82798076923077,89.25889423076927,85.30769230769229,5.711538461538463,14.278846153846152,7.1686216300943375,-0.14357692307692327,264,4,52,4,8,84,53,65,0.11,0.8059999999999999,0.084,-0.1927,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,3,5,0,4,1,0,1,0,8,11,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,2,0,3,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,2,7,8,1,10,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,6,31,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861383072947452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20985553326525774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728804402304119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412417719732079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884881883349938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473800597434816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204861193454575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968498039799073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626423484216511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24690973461052165,0.0,0.1965242827524086,0.2245136687134288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542761640587116,0.0,0.0,0.22705464561153296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380615850119555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5023165602669803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21300057583252907,0.0,0.0,0.14546291955287974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rEGwawuA8V,2019/08/17,"Do you have a seasonal trigger? How do you cope? The second it starts feeling like autumn, my anxiety peaks, and stays that way until it's basically summer again. Mid winter is ok, but autumn and fall get me bad. The flashbacks are way more common, and no matter how much I try and get zen, I can't shake the memories.",3.4109523809523807,4.997079301587301,4.870031746031747,82.5888571428572,73.44444444444444,7.5796825396825405,23.711111111111112,8.238735603445708,1.409973968253968,248,7,48,4,5,83,50,63,0.14400000000000002,0.7440000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.7293,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,3,4,0,1,4,1,6,0,0,3,0,10,10,8,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,1,6,2,1,10,2,15,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,10,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618146431496938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857582655945258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304813579070533,0.244498173333477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35761525349756274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720244121268196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515876812022619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422410653815417,0.3647850621064901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323602519373611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5433124727307576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kashmirkiikali,2019/08/17,I’ve lost it. I cut my hair off with a knife. I’m too scared for anyone to look at me.,-4.0615151515151515,-2.730412000000001,-0.3936363636363627,110.94621212121214,100.8181818181818,2.9333333333333336,7.333333333333332,3.1291,-2.770230303030304,64,0,21,0,3,23,20,22,0.327,0.6729999999999999,0.0,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,5,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37987406203642216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4562184364649807,0.0,0.5930543813846902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5439181334923658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,imsbs111,2019/01/19,Is this a sign of PTSD? Just watched scene in a show which contained a car crash. When and up to the collision happening I felt this primal sense of fear then started hyperventilating and a migraine was triggered?,5.842307692307693,7.8549019487179494,5.515897435897441,78.67076923076927,67.97435897435898,8.276923076923078,33.51282051282051,8.841846274778883,2.84834358974359,172,8,31,3,3,53,33,39,0.22,0.78,0.0,-0.8299,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,5,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,5,3,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5116191760275024,0.0,0.0,0.4365451331695929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020545510169582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5314734931421558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218108598551465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,boombist69,2019/01/19,"""The brain does not recognize the passage of time the way we do consciously."" ""So when something in our memory is triggered, it can absolutely feel like what you went through previously is happening all over again."" -domestic hotline advocate",8.315666666666669,10.791419900000005,7.899999999999999,62.17166666666668,62.5,13.333333333333336,43.33333333333334,12.45797560212912,6.8263333333333325,196,12,28,8,3,62,37,40,0.0,0.9329999999999999,0.067,0.4173,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,2,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,1,1,1,6,7,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,4,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,21,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44758009668848975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508640869899127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027266124075024,0.2864306292190661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545486962829806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195878356842329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086621366652564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337905327522169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182464132657995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716741162482537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shikiP,2019/01/19,"PTSD episode on Dr. Phil So, recently theres this episode where he gives this woman with severe PTSD a chance at new experimental treatment. I'm not sure what exactly he means, but he says hes connected to the leading PTSD researcher in the world who apparently said talk therapy isnt that effective and they think rewiring the brain is better. I wouldn't be surprised if this is true. I'm just curious if anyone knows who exactly hes talking about? The discussion on the show was about finding a new way to cope because conventional therapy wasn't helping, he mentioned he would hook her up to the research. Does that mean there are scientists trying to create a new form of treatment? I'm curious how much it would help. I'm not sure if something like that exists already, or something that purely and effectively helps rewire. I'm kind of wondering if they're doing trial runs or cases to test this out. 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I realize this might seems like a strange question. James McAvoy's character was obviously very fucked in the head. But there were parts of the story that I found strangely uplifting for anyone with a history of trauma. The idea that someone who went through horrendous trauma could basically modify their epigentic profile on such a radical level to create something like ""the beast"" based on pure belief about who they were...is pretty incredible. Also, the idea that he not only let the girl go with a history of self-injury and being molested, but basically called her the next step in human evolution/gave her this sense of power she'd never had before...was something to watch. Most of the time perpetrators prey on who they think are easy targets, people with a past history of trauma...and this was a complete reversal of that. There have been plenty of times when I didn't say a word about anything in my past, any trauma, but felt like assholes/psychos/creeps could smell it on me...maybe reading into some kind of body language or vibe I was giving off..and my instincts were always right on the money. I pick up on A, B, and C, quicker and quicker now and I don't give them the time of day, but still it seems like a never ending cycle of my version of swatting. For once it would be nice to not feel like a target or this unidentifiable ""other"" that the wrong people seem to see. 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May be sensitive topic or trigger for someone,not sure. Not even sure if this is a good spot to post this. I am in the works of looking for a therapist to find answers, but that has been an impossible quest. Anyway, I have been diagnosed with ptsd about 2 years ago but had been living with it for a long while. I try to explain this to my significant other, and I think my so doesn't understand. Seems to think I am just not able to control my emotions Out of nowhere I get this feeling like my brain is being cheese graeted and I flip out. I spend 20 minutes screaming about how terrible this world is and how much I am tired of existing because of how screwed up living is. How no one gives cares about me (obviously not true since I am in a relationship) and I am tired of everyone and this world taking a dump on me. I'm not in the drivers seat when this happens... It just comes out in this long winded angry rant. It is starting to strain my relationship. I have zero interest in hurting myself or anything. On the daily I try to find positive things about my life and these episodes just keep happening regardless of the positivity I add to my days, and I have no idea why. I was diagnosed with ptsd 2 years ago but had it since I was much younger. These episodes are a whole new animal to me and I am trying to figure this out. Tldr: episodes causing concern. Any idea what it is? ",3.922894269572232,4.974572501694915,4.96857142857143,84.46073446327686,71.44067796610169,8.33091202582728,29.301856335754643,8.704169506293173,2.103761904761905,1148,45,240,20,21,377,148,295,0.16,0.7559999999999999,0.084,-0.9681,0,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,2,16,15,2,1,11,0,31,7,1,7,5,61,49,24,0,3,16,0,1,1,0,1,5,1,0,0,21,18,0,2,12,0,1,1,8,7,0,2,7,3,30,8,39,39,3,27,0,1,1,1,4,14,1,7,12,174,51,1,0.10067738442702533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848885353756394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684640737849949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284890911434653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406141069940923,0.06137199909301678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238925703066216,0.0,0.0,0.10264730321929147,0.1034234066684478,0.0,0.08672465209903599,0.0,0.0,0.1129182474066676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492858412322465,0.0,0.0,0.20437085190227455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324850667492414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299292580604766,0.0,0.0,0.0962015552545482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090551058323713,0.07192394355095948,0.0,0.0,0.18403461088339546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05259977805731729,0.09657892096507292,0.0,0.08444341345123775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780573571133009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777722228832268,0.2273050250495224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948668512513057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111141400478921,0.049185884619928004,0.0,0.1777999498885021,0.17819263417077785,0.08454364667150413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801892328437005,0.0,0.0,0.09723484524011226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822160123894068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642110448158406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530594243690384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21617966683060724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165290960424463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656274553883899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07125997088110236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846617300637023,0.0,0.07569686363403735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168942030285032,0.06688558066172164,0.1290200055324553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314276863146459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050600061666132,0.0,0.0,0.1048087077671938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181691360159948,0.11240270431609983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329433492473585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966586946659325 ptsd,acxrios,2019/01/19,"Somatic Issues Anyone else not remember their nightmares, wake up tense with random bruising? ",11.811428571428573,14.844988714285714,9.255714285714287,53.639285714285705,54.71428571428571,11.314285714285715,42.57142857142857,11.20814326018867,6.3008000000000015,78,4,7,2,1,23,14,14,0.156,0.8440000000000001,0.0,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256875009964996,0.4772514818213289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891033590839724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4861582251564055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5276432799310001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ShitheadRed,2019/01/19,"Cold Sweats at night. Any advice? Hey friends! Just wondering if any of you have any advice on how to prevent cold sweats at night. I'm on Effexor (Venlafaxine) for daytime anxiety and it works great. I can run errands by myself now with only small levels of panic and I don't dread leaving my apartment. Trouble is one of the side effects is increased dreaming and weirder dreams. I've always battled nightmares but this medication ensured that I was getting them constantly, even for quick naps. I started vaping CBD/taking CBD pills and now I dream less and those dreams are not usually nightmares. However, I still wake up shivering cold and sweating and panicky quite frequently, even when I don't remember dreaming. I tend to quickly warm up after waking up, but it doesn't help my already significant lack of sleep and waking up sweaty sucks. Any advice on how to stop it or deal with it? Thanks!",5.497025023169599,7.526771204819276,5.526144578313256,78.18627896200191,68.87951807228916,8.240222428174237,33.25115848007414,8.841846274778883,3.0680274328081563,724,34,120,13,13,227,111,166,0.129,0.726,0.145,0.4305,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,1,3,11,9,2,2,1,0,9,9,7,3,0,24,16,15,0,2,6,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,10,0,2,3,6,0,2,4,5,0,1,1,4,13,4,22,15,3,29,0,0,0,0,6,13,1,3,14,79,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4488511211949868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689603766034219,0.0,0.12739954732866546,0.0,0.0,0.4164794232325816,0.0,0.1171285120541644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654572075040695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157849392006436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225504403835104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182921851544572,0.0,0.07999350614261339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880400010007124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262621381324953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621210797231727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424192879589022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873661891182991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375110464951752,0.1164468368092752,0.0,0.1796412599314701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16285102738038762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344345889431906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15322028790477252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083718435501445,0.0,0.12227361530081728,0.12800657661997314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511945011417347,0.0,0.0,0.1409628536207652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686287186839493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604095350196788,0.11146569524745348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,skydiver89,2019/01/19,"My assault was the worst thing that ever happened to me But it's made me see I deserve love. This world is fucking cruel and it shows you no mercy. But I'll keep fighting and I'll find the person who respects me and loves me. &#x200B;",1.5410204081632628,3.7395141224489836,2.680979591836735,93.29616326530613,81.24489795918367,3.92,24.08571428571429,3.1291,0.08049877551020446,188,7,38,0,5,60,38,49,0.255,0.551,0.19399999999999998,-0.6115,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,1,8,4,0,2,0,2,3,0,1,1,9,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,7,3,1,7,1,2,0,0,1,3,6,1,1,0,1,26,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875343042696759,0.3224603475847757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400473836199774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24254845068299594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24533542550191184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346707279311919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358779876205976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4790236008474511,0.2511047677887009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317156996612333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114699600021029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17630372770274227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224603475847757,0.0 ptsd,didumakethetea,2019/01/19,"It's just sinking in that I could have died, it's 1 year on and it's like it's happening again (descriptions of abuse) It's been almost a year since I called the police on my ex and it all ended. I had nightmares at the beginning and the odd one every now and then for months and it feels like everything's getting worse again now. I had a lot of help at the beginning mental health wise (well after about a month of me steadily spiralling) and I'm worried about needing it again. I don't want to be back on pills or back having nightmares every night, flashbacks every time I close my eyes. This time round though I've finally realised that I could actually have died. If he'd choked me a little longer, if he'd used the knife he threatened me with (he cut my clothes (that I was wearing) instead while I stood there frozen). If he'd thrown me down in a slightly difference place I could have hit my head. If he'd followed through on his threats. These thoughts pop into my head all day long. I don't know what to do. I'm tired. I don't want to do this again.",2.9693956486704285,4.321076479452053,3.551012624227777,92.54845286059631,74.15981735159819,6.61412839108246,25.21112006446414,7.048011613610866,0.822491055600322,835,27,185,8,17,262,121,219,0.14800000000000002,0.8009999999999999,0.051,-0.9541,1,0,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,15,6,2,0,10,0,21,7,4,1,2,29,37,14,2,10,6,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,15,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,6,3,26,4,22,22,3,38,0,0,2,0,10,13,0,7,26,120,41,0,0.0,0.1568500604810414,0.12918494313458884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256063721795622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035859241212244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351759939082889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31708681965067304,0.0,0.0,0.08537491454671682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747815454072754,0.13831016541323515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725043962491767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346105809754084,0.0,0.11897567565952115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693590619121935,0.094573147057578,0.0,0.1450171205583402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916370682436353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706424722824622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717225814341888,0.14071501227083433,0.0,0.0,0.08873231974630068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275323878022731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934952311177775,0.13268072802075426,0.0,0.11715318546229354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125457519217597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334091009743284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21133080231791795,0.0,0.0,0.09815897340160787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423077705819455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970491894541999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831016541323515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095070865865254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006384493559714,0.1050958760379761,0.15438507044394786,0.15215270138464249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433484228783247,0.0,0.0,0.15616370895525286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902658622689324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443952220672892,0.13490774006973952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049828938709868 ptsd,snarping,2019/01/19,"I truthfully thought the dreams of family members dying had stopped. When they first started it was fresh after my trauma and they passed while in the accident with me. Now five years on and they're back but at least it's not happening during the accident. I just really wish I could stop dreaming that my loved ones are dying, it affects my barely stable emotional state and makes it even harder to ""maintain."" I am much better off than I was when I was first diagnosed and have started trying to talk through things that have happened but it kind of seems like the more I talk about things the more I unearth from repressed memory. Idk, I'm sorry, I just needed to get some of this out and to maybe talk with someone that would understand.",5.428723404255322,6.829542404255317,5.223893617021278,82.72350000000002,68.21985815602837,8.476879432624115,28.28439716312057,8.841846274778883,2.1667043971631204,593,20,109,10,10,183,94,141,0.122,0.7140000000000001,0.16399999999999998,0.8221,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,3,8,7,0,1,5,0,10,2,0,2,1,27,23,10,2,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,8,0,3,3,2,0,1,1,2,0,4,5,0,15,5,19,16,5,20,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,14,85,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195307469933366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748207856272934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124113441136916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15777754372215105,0.32266320497636897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748592917928948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267265106931296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465435577311366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644498155700675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121572822118724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749262156075773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187629536285467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594456830707172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14029886357015006,0.0,0.10376346778431453,0.0,0.15616949433909372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427295978280108,0.11526352291238832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533631946124228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958466095956683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151500390340274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171150078187924,0.0,0.0,0.1740125179250378,0.22005531741304454,0.0,0.0,0.25992478236315697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748322458788013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20654692249915305,0.0,0.0,0.12340920545428558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553972117344224,0.0,0.0,0.1618279741781174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17875877001359913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104265661697476,0.0,0.0,0.10010411073110788 ptsd,justtlikeyesterday,2019/01/19,"seeing a male therapist? i was in a (mostly) mentally abusive relationship two years ago and was so screwed up at the time that i didn't realize how awful it was. i would stay up late crying in my bed telling myself it was okay because he loved me and he didnt mean it. anyway, ive developed pretty bad ptsd from it since around september when i saw him for the first time in 5 months... i had to stop seeing my female therapist for financial reasons but i started college and they offer it free, they aren't all male but most of them are and ive connected with one in particular (not like that he was just my advisor so he already knows some things) i feel like it would be easiest to start seeing him for counseling but im wondering is it weird to see a male therapist for ptsd over an abusive relationship? i havent experienced much fear of males since it started but could it develop if i was talking to a male about it? idk im just trying to weigh my options",3.0931346153846166,4.778323348717951,4.714919871794873,82.96622596153847,74.48717948717949,8.567307692307693,27.572115384615394,9.188382445141503,2.3450576923076927,763,30,155,18,16,257,115,195,0.10099999999999999,0.769,0.13,0.7823,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,1,9,9,1,1,7,2,19,3,0,2,1,30,32,13,0,4,8,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,1,5,13,6,1,1,6,0,1,0,5,4,0,3,10,7,22,6,23,18,5,22,0,0,5,2,20,9,1,6,14,107,35,1,0.0,0.2688160093607871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10055783103159592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251840047860977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098576677816316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094717770503353,0.06915205059085698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905727134330096,0.0,0.12460865652830318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276516849561618,0.057358738434935025,0.08104165183851443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649211698440194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450696145556012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06234372896316818,0.0,0.1279654082181355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084223528186593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238414670251614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356955814126334,0.0,0.0,0.11432097006001465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054682981933346,0.0,0.0833915484474549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07686996822629646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540939510027162,0.0,0.0,0.265210883751106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166353474988831,0.0,0.2435844925749821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615883872064252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18767769628290348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24088052455343725,0.12091208533817405,0.0,0.09484102854397974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117887979589176,0.09915167406329524,0.0,0.0,0.3951382044450009,0.07536458199297122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229570461862314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701840214950502,0.0,0.11081452392477746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230209824085916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611692277881571,0.0,0.0,0.07305172470975925 ptsd,divaofdusk,2019/01/19,"Does this sound like ptsd? I grew up with someone who psychologically/verbally abused me till I was 15. She eventually learned to stop (after a lot of work). But, she still uses the same voice and facial expressions she used during the abuse. Every time she uses the tone or facial expressions, I go spiraling. I either cry, go outside and scream, break my own stuff, or even scratch and hit myself. ",4.9127853881278565,7.058778657534248,5.319383561643836,78.59542237442923,70.64383561643834,8.154337899543378,25.865296803652967,8.841846274778883,2.017896803652968,314,10,56,6,6,100,58,73,0.196,0.772,0.032,-0.9186,0,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,0,1,2,2,3,0,15,7,7,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,4,11,1,6,5,4,10,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,3,6,37,14,2,0.0,0.4908948370341783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22755246715016625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18128466993575573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682538304895395,0.0,0.1745388835193647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354644320602099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120654858797416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761176514024971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421556920442865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552363125665438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543601500630506,0.17319270292702355,0.0,0.0,0.2371454428113578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207950347033056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5367519489640047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081291565869548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Hanya34,2019/01/19,"Just feeling low I feel so tired. Today I went to the Dr because I was having stubble of a UTI. I'm out of town for work and couldn't get in to see anyone until mid afternoon and I felt like absolute shit because my symptoms had been going on for a day already. My boyfriend of three months had what we thought was a UTI a week ago. They gave him antibiotics and it seemed to get better but the day after he stopped the course his symptoms came back. His prostate is fine. My thoughts went immediately to an STI like chlamydia or gonorrhea. He's had a vasectomy and we're monogamous so we have unprotected sex. I have not had unprotected sex since 2008 or so when I was married. I typically use condoms for birth control because I can't tolerate the pill. Anyway. I had a full STI panel completed when I met my new boyfriend and everything was negative. So here we are three months later and I'm thinking he's fucked someone else. I'm freaking out about it, especially because he's so jealous that I can't ever mention past relationships or he covers his ears and wigs out. But he can talk about all his past shit. Right now I'm fixated on this friend of his I met on New Year's Eve who was a total skank. She was drunk as shit (it was only 10pm when we got there) her boyfriend was drunk as shit, and she was kissing and hugging all over my boyfriend. It pissed me off. At one point, he asked her how her relationship with her bf was going and she said it wasn't going well. He reached over and pinched her ear and said something like ""don't be so silly"" and it felt weirdly intimate. Like he looked like he was going to kiss her. I said,""what are you doing?"" And he said ""I pinched her ear."" I said ""why?"" And he said ""because she's being silly."" After I interjected, she turned around and started talking to some other chick at another table. I tried to talk to her and she completely blew me off. So I just gave up. She did stop hugging on my bf after that though. She actually left the table. Probably to get more drinks. My bf told her that she ""went crazy"" after her divorce and basically fucked a bunch of guys. He said he was her wing man. She's a 55+ year old groupie for local bands/open mics. I find that pretty pathetic. My bf kept saying that he didn't know what she saw in her current man, because he wasn't her type. I said ""well, when you're a 50+ year old open mic groupie, that's the type you get."" My bf denied ever sleeping with her. I think he's lying. the next day I did address that I didn't like how she was hanging all over him and he said that she does that when he ""brings people around"" - I assume other women. I had a panic attack before I could get up enough gumption to address it. Then he kind of blew it off and started saying that he hardly hangs out with her at all, which I think is BS, because he talked about her a lot when we first met and she texted him to go see a Kix concert (yeah. Kix. She peaked in 1980.) He said he met her because his son dated her daughter. He always emphasizes that they are friends. But she seemed super possessive of him in a sexual, flirty way. It was odd. Anyway, I'm fixated right now on the idea that he fucked her while we started dating and she gave him an STI and now I have it. I'm also perseverating on an odd remark a waitress made when he introduced me to her. It's a local hangout he frequents. I think he used to drink a lot proper to meeting me. He told her I was his girlfriend and she said,"" now I know why you didn't sit in my section."" She didn't laugh, and she looked pissed off. She gave me the once over and glared at me. I asked him about it and he was very vague and acting like he didn't understand what I was getting at. I explained and he got defensive. All I said was it was an odd remark and asked him what she meant by it. He never did explain. I'm really angry right now and I may have no reason to be angry at all. I've been having escapist fantasies about just moving to another state and not telling anyone, killing myself, and admitting myself to the hospital. I'm perseverating on past traumatic experiences and cycling through everything bad that's ever happened to me in my life. I miss the life I had from 2005-2007. I think those were the happiest times of my life so far. I had friends, was confident. I've been really suffering since 2010 onward. I had six suicide attempts from 2011-2013. My husband at the time actually left me for dead and a friend called in for a welfare check (I left a suffice note on facebook.) I also left a note on the dresser. When the people came to do the welfare check he told them I was sleeping and went up to check on me. He had to have seen the note. He just went downstairs and told the cops I was asleep. My friend called the cops again and voiced concerns. They actually came back, forced they're way past him and took me to the hospital. I regained conciousness when they were carrying need down the stairs and recall my husband crying and then telling him to get out of the way. When I woke up at the hospital, I woke up to my ex doing sternal rubs and trying to keep me awake. I had an NG tube. For some weird reason that I still don't understand his secretary was there. He was basically putting on this show of trying to save my life after he'd basically left me for dead. I am so tired of trusting people only to have them let me down. I am so tired of having pain in my chest and daily panic attacks. I wish I would just die and then this would be over. This is not a life. I'm doing EMDR but it's not working. My Drs took me off Xanax and put me on Valium. He keeps trying to wean me off of it but I have panic attacks so bad I miss work. He treats me like I'm a drug-seeking addict. I hate my life so much. This is just me venting. I'm not going to kill myself. I just don't know what to do and I am so tired. I could try and file for disability but every time I try to look at my claim stuff I end up reliving the abuse. Thanks for reading if you got this far. I hope I didn't trigger anyone. I might call the helpline just to talk to someone. 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I need help understanding. &#x200B; 2 months ago I was diagnosed with PTSD, for other reasons than what I am about to attempt to explain. &#x200B; When I was 5 I visited Pakistan for a month, mainly because my uncle was getting married. I lot of eventful things happened, but for some reason, this one memory stands out and I can remember it more clearly than the rest. It was at his wedding, and being the only American child there, I felt alone and bored. So I went outside of the gates of my Uncle's house (Which was where the wedding was taking place) and I remember a man who was driving a wooden cart which was being pulled by goats. He offered to let me ride on the cart for a little bit for fun, which I did, got off, and went back inside. My entire life, whenever I remember this, I just remember feeling very uneasy, distrustful of this random man. And the memory of it was something that would come in my head at least once a week ever since then. I am pretty sure he was there for some purpose for the wedding, but it was never established when I had met this man. &#x200B; About a year ago, something odd started to happen. One day, while I was remembering it, the way I thought of the memory changed. Instead of me simply riding on top of a goat pulled cart, it was me and this girl who was around my age riding on it together, and at some point I jumped off of the cart, sensing that something was up. And it ended with the man shooting the girl in the head, and then shooting at me as I ran away back into my uncle's house. &#x200B; This ""new version"" of that memory just popped in my head out of no where one day last year. And ever since, whenever I remember that memory, I can barely picture what the ""original"" memory was, and instead I picture the version that recently came. &#x200B; Some facts about Pakistan: Many children are kidnapped and forced to do things like beg on the streets, many children are sold into labour by their parents. In fact, that same trip to Pakistan I ran into this group of children who had their eyes cut out, finger(s) cut off, etc, clearly by whoever kidnapped them, and they were begging for money (Obviously for their kidnappers.) &#x200B; So what if in reality I luckily escaped a kidnapping attempt, and my brain recreated a ""substitute"" memory in place of the other one? Or am I just being crazy? &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",7.961211303095753,7.315170235421172,7.7605318574514035,73.78397993160549,62.62850971922246,10.567638588912887,37.43421526277898,9.827888789773867,3.6603290856731454,1941,84,343,33,24,621,209,463,0.07200000000000001,0.862,0.066,-0.1932,1,1,3,2,0,0,104.0,0,0,5,3,21,7,3,0,26,0,34,7,5,3,9,69,56,29,0,4,10,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,1,10,35,26,0,0,14,0,2,15,4,4,0,4,30,3,45,3,66,21,14,78,0,0,1,0,31,34,0,10,28,265,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.04109499483960441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465905377909296,0.0,0.0,0.043615074387257126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4562806523252335,0.5117038751905192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037488387107538455,0.0,0.0,0.03956537683456905,0.0647626751088281,0.0,0.02567093289022489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04597512586694382,0.0,0.0,0.04701064194509269,0.0,0.04816462509801677,0.0,0.0,0.04454864934258946,0.03627554514866332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054317191889363625,0.0,0.0,0.04274254139864203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0372985124613739,0.0,0.04696573473989475,0.0,0.07618498047757293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02129296691059893,0.0,0.040433885512193214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022001652097132986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03368061471264002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171784851277043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965641905583886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028226619400074874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718261456070316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02314351734569477,0.0343266981105603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04306211913928835,0.02974477552668896,0.020573674670607018,0.0422070382277233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035801905254744554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538941278341748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722639666804184,0.0,0.0,0.031225330193452663,0.032479178918298296,0.04067179208171411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04484764104368166,0.11414405089944693,0.032027884697561404,0.0,0.0,0.0467601165292291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799563472346954,0.0,0.039809216955135784,0.0,0.0,0.042842790795161685,0.0,0.0,0.049226384036050806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659578863356981,0.04158027427629639,0.0,0.2862264320040859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967055213988732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725905125899753,0.0,0.0,0.029806914509589555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03968982748307935,0.0,0.0316627963088624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595435305564785,0.0,0.0,0.0334320268186731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04383981853556678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034746605345059065,0.0,0.03342634825596623,0.03377950696815115,0.0,0.0,0.07807603121086125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02991498007049828,0.0,0.5117038751905192,0.054237174646773516 ptsd,shatteringreality,2019/01/19,"I believe I have PTSD flashback but do not remember any trauma? Hello, &#x200B; So for the past 6-7 years I have had this vision when I close my eyes that usually pops up after smoking pot (smoking way too much like oil) or doing psychedelics. I have had this vision at least 30 times now for 1-10 minute at a time. &#x200B; I started to believe there was something wrong with me. Like maybe it's the vision of the future or that there is something wrong with me spiritually. &#x200B; Anyways, I think it might just be a traumatic memory I have had but don't recall. &#x200B; This vision feels very intrusive in front of my eyes. It is accompanied by a vision of a person with paperwork in his hands walking from my left to my front as well as another person coming from the right. The vision is accompanied by this extremely weird and extremely uncomfortable feeling. Sometime's it is much more intense and it feels like pure dread. Like the ""matrix just collapsed in on itself/corrupted and I am still stuck in it."" That's the best way I can explain that feeling. It's very scary. &#x200B; Is this PTSD? I can sort of feel it sitting deep in my mind even when I am not having it.",4.408709364386219,6.188924633187772,4.933238719068417,82.35338549247939,71.22707423580786,7.534303736050463,28.44274623968947,8.167268648758528,1.975168655992236,947,36,175,14,18,302,124,229,0.128,0.687,0.184,0.8937,0,0,2,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,0,1,13,11,0,1,11,0,23,3,3,0,1,28,33,12,0,0,8,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,18,8,0,0,8,0,0,4,3,5,1,0,5,9,20,6,27,26,5,32,0,0,2,0,5,13,0,4,16,126,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4290040533686363,0.4811140587760383,0.05385096076787721,0.08303614747949825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17843686052016167,0.08310354594648574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06821396361045264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052303320807914784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020066742562626,0.05657234880000096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603864124905686,0.0,0.0,0.15475019212669686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955558834565613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400658627847442,0.07995790782171375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642545922292186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559447525168811,0.0,0.1382888551490339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851344621037663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970524236581022,0.06762662829885112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192650000028775,0.0783195462841949,0.0,0.056050095825284536,0.0,0.06324011505205818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050740854816926584,0.0,0.0,0.09235101428263087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721505080567309,0.13067776998973402,0.0,0.12571244314694005,0.0,0.0,0.07120005796573141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316059696848474,0.4811140587760383,0.05099485951936273 ptsd,sarahsings92,2019/01/19,PTSD or not? I have been diagnosed with PTSD from sexual abuse by two past boyfriends. I have flashbacks sometimes when being intimate with my new boyfriend. But it isn’t all of the time. Is this truly PTSD? I’ve read about PTSD on forums and medical websites but no one really specified about how often. ,3.4821052631578944,6.254633964912284,3.8483333333333327,84.3925,77.77192982456141,8.010526315789475,25.28947368421053,8.841846274778883,2.2739263157894736,244,9,44,6,6,76,47,57,0.099,0.863,0.038,-0.5533,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,1,1,10,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,8,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,32,5,1,0.0,0.2117858557052711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142434785866146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006870352177295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263487647701006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112353008702913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063414822123515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8357822748896521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787952783003034,0.0,0.1145098456034514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678526141999729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042287588280596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460975504983975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jellybuns0,2019/10/20,"PTSD service dogs. Is it helpful/worth it? I'm actually sort of afraid to ask this topic bc ive seen a lot of negative views about it.. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and have been dealing with it through therapy, (when im able to afford it i try to at least be able to go 1-2x a month) and medication. One issue though, is when I'm in public and there are many triggers around that makes me really stressed out, anxious, or causes flashbacks. My flashbacks are not always visual, a lot of times it's the emotional feeling, or its the physical kind, and it has happened in public spaces when im on my own and i feel extremely vulnerable and nervous and the entire time im just praying no one notices that im distressed or panicking and now I'm self conscious and afraid of going in public spaces where things might get too intense. If anyone has a service dog for their ptsd, is it worth it? Does it help when you're in public spaces or feel paranoid? I feel really dumb for asking this because ive seen so many people shut service dogs down and say its all fake and animals cant ever do what humans are capable of doing but i dont always have a human available to just look for support.. If I were to look into getting a service dog, how would I be able to afford it? Are there any types of assistance or payment plans that go into it? I'm really new on this, but this is just something that i've been thinking about.",4.481968201754384,5.133760760416671,5.6861622807017556,81.29348684210528,69.86805555555556,8.285380116959065,29.39400584795321,8.371475516178862,2.0829069444444444,1121,41,220,16,19,375,153,288,0.078,0.875,0.047,-0.8231,2,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,1,19,9,1,5,9,0,27,2,0,4,2,47,50,27,0,3,13,0,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,3,24,17,0,0,6,0,1,3,5,7,0,2,6,10,13,2,33,40,5,30,1,0,5,0,13,17,1,11,10,150,37,5,0.29837623318349105,0.0,0.09705738743266676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551528562023146,0.0,0.0,0.0676353567739283,0.0,0.0,0.11236007135972416,0.0,0.06954386661162422,0.0,0.0,0.08853936898942255,0.18596100013053365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060629127440195364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217152766519476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10253759825191533,0.0,0.1009485319702922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703701746027527,0.0,0.11656490770027393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118777006627939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996612842539939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011573182670192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392617787566742,0.0,0.16957408940116994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795103920050616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666509986727784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.429730044609136,0.10380908895482732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357097716292683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670405919330306,0.0,0.0,0.16911253561168818,0.0,0.0,0.06638948419313401,0.20167111229762205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019422138685637,0.0,0.10551001046751396,0.0,0.0,0.07938702088391703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960578751028697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323443970125413,0.0,0.0,0.1347916384284951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689521703393386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487858494162705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114745533745128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909358552419868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103757161549622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656820054949699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113929655667876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128646044994301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373974213063046,0.0,0.06607597037379885,0.06372914743991133,0.097717711387966,0.0,0.115990387364933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752595880041695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065263840706706,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Pica-BooTheBalloon,2019/10/20,"Small town in Ohio, my dad cant sleep My dad saw a dead woman, he was driving home. A teen went running out into the road, he almost hit her. She was screaming “HELP ME HELP ME, I THINK SHES DEAD!!!” She asked if he knew CPR and he said yes... He went inside, eyes open, dry blood, at least two days dead... He maid his statement and he has had PTSD for 6 days, he can’t sleep, he had to take meds to sleep, he didn’t want me to know but my mom told me... I don’t know how to treat the situation. And Halloween is two weeks away Edit 1: holy shit my town sucks, there trying to cover it up, like police saying she had no injury. They’re trying to say that she fell on the stairs but in the house there was a broken lamp and a ton of broken glass and she was 2 feet from the door, as if she were trying to get out of the house right before she was murdered. Apparently there’s rumors going around town that somebody paid the police to fake not having an investigation The police are saying that they’re not doing an investigation but this is a small town and every little thing that happens, rumors and everything also get somewhere along the line to the police and court system... my dad talked to our pastor on Wednesday, today’s Sunday where I live, and the pastor was bringing up justice during today’s sermon, The pastor also said that Dad is practically having PTSD and needs to go get help with a counselor. He is trying his best to do so",3.2882471980074715,4.543006996575343,4.2555417185554205,88.19263387297636,73.21232876712328,6.131008717310087,19.779576587795766,6.1124844417494595,-0.0347383561643837,1121,19,234,6,22,363,159,292,0.129,0.7879999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9532,2,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,0,0,1,9,8,3,0,20,1,25,7,7,1,0,33,49,20,4,4,7,5,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,1,8,17,0,0,5,0,1,8,7,5,0,2,19,8,24,3,31,29,3,40,3,0,2,0,42,24,2,3,8,138,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096329102331663,0.0,0.0,0.1772343573966155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864713344333603,0.1035952695649126,0.0,0.10411253482683873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429376788300747,0.0,0.1162914890751263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293053636068193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336479781502302,0.0,0.09959164952712588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368577934604906,0.0,0.12595525219738002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979916391941862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22282701167905306,0.0,0.11115455270293856,0.0,0.0,0.2557268286694093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179993966664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054137672683257136,0.11106381611869763,0.09784997834788704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230883489952646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978293803923852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216649346822251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25906911711124114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463376341447248,0.21081722684732845,0.2643690227784317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374803247063753,0.0,0.1245585429197186,0.3326793186052116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331764404026416,0.08906735483028666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361928531070466,0.07100454615263882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100756824318876,0.1058866451266569,0.0,0.3009392248760994,0.0,0.21649655150078195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536042466207681,0.0,0.08888756728793039,0.0,0.0,0.205449667586129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,disgustrevoltvile,2019/10/20,"I can't control my thoughts. (NSFW) Hi, I'm 19 years old. I have sexual trauma from when I was a child. This past summer I was r*ped by a significantly older man. I am struggling a lot recently. I keep having vivid intrusive thoughts (with accompanying imagery) of disgusting and sexual encounters with my family. As you can imagine, this is very, very distressing and disturbing. I would NEVER act on these thoughts. I get physically nauseous and I've been getting increasingly angry at myself for having these thoughts. Is this normal? Why is it my family? I feel disgusting. I feel like a predator. I daren't go near anyone in my family because when I get even slightly too close to anyone, all I can think is these disgusting things. Everything in my mind is either violent or sexual. I am going crazy. I want to kill myself. I can't see any other escape. I can't tell anyone either, or I will be shamed and maybe even reported to police. I'm not a bad person... Well, I didn't think I was. My brain doesn't agree. I am disgusting. I am horrible. I'm basically a criminal, right? I just need help. I don't know what to do. I can't even tell my therapist. What if they think I'll do it? I'll get in trouble for these thoughts. Someone please help me. I want to die. Please. What do I do? Is this normal? Is this because of my trauma or am I just a disgusting incestuous bastard?",0.9331215717562564,3.5054333284132864,3.4207300289219087,83.58309863368905,90.25461254612543,7.062571058143014,22.084471925800337,8.098718942377014,1.765531086067618,1076,40,207,28,37,371,137,271,0.255,0.6759999999999999,0.07,-0.9952,0,0,0,0,0,2,50.0,0,1,1,1,9,18,8,4,7,0,35,1,1,1,2,40,60,11,2,7,9,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,3,16,7,0,2,12,0,0,4,9,16,1,0,10,4,41,2,20,47,5,21,0,0,2,0,10,8,1,5,10,142,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361366074189833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270725925438449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038416539665384,0.13197629853208026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084271619697907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121411495060435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11234633122361244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21449416270722665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728805218986687,0.0,0.30614518460674045,0.0,0.10946882879729623,0.07733376772768343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262244709054477,0.0,0.12304185348420135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511528523040962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09621750672339034,0.11976250295363527,0.0,0.05949132755243301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528854452201044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203021479824423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087515989889758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930156521052613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026594742380991,0.08348901520891769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21212388484703398,0.0,0.0,0.1135900862176331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333680171699117,0.0,0.0945196587225884,0.0,0.23765182062670556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688374112465288,0.0,0.0,0.09244484409792876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626117470115577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171980978670197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316632471782408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892304107300487,0.0,0.0,0.12568650576444013,0.07191643983703412,0.2080865421332607,0.0,0.4296917422928781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17863504920547962,0.1276972203165295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732968246351786,0.0,0.0976787197074433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768976405580624,0.0,0.0,0.06970940229683688 ptsd,dianatorresss,2019/10/20,"ny fiance almost died in my arms. On Sunday morning Sept 8th, my fiance tried to climb out of our bedroom window and i found her hanging from it. I called our roomates screaming and yelling to help me hold her while I went to get help. I went to the second floor noone answered, went to the first noone answered so my only choice was to go to the backyard and hope to catch her or i don't really know. She slipped out of my roomates hands and fell on the concrete right in front of my eyes. I heard the skull crack and then she started bleeding out of her head, ears, nose, and mouth. I held her in my hands telling her ti stay with me and she did. She was breathing very faintly but she lived. She survived a 30 foot fall. She is a living miracle. I have ptsd and i wake up everyday hoping i dont get any flashbacks or hear the impact but it's inevitable. I have a daughter so i am back home now but she is at her mothers house. She fractured her skull, her ribs, and punctured her lung. She is now even jogging! Slowly but jogging and well everything else takes time. I feel angry, and scared and confused. After living in the hospital for weeks then at her moms for a week, i can't seem to go back to her moms. What do I do?",0.9538958451906688,3.2467418725099613,1.962645133750712,96.95776394422312,84.4581673306773,4.382527034718271,21.314883323847468,5.543175910156928,-0.09864154809334158,954,31,208,5,28,299,139,251,0.06,0.853,0.087,0.7743,0,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,2,0,0,3,8,6,0,2,11,0,14,17,15,0,0,34,32,23,1,2,6,4,3,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,3,16,0,2,6,2,0,13,3,3,1,2,9,10,47,3,31,23,0,45,0,0,1,0,34,14,0,7,17,137,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203063799831385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966381754763697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027719541284805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463553806265216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13684146180828294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452945197626802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014534868578513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708694045908039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849999134946235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666828543447031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215316397848696,0.0,0.1445688094721075,0.0,0.0,0.13777435790889658,0.0,0.14986895353855506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13531809494215802,0.0,0.14860668088783488,0.0,0.17675510668995986,0.0,0.13225821237315644,0.26191738670603576,0.0,0.15213939687230812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246235937145849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349282946195549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30884671773146416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027931606921696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412782237447142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446770731349675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260080738925468,0.0,0.0,0.13200675976463194,0.0,0.0,0.12003302330902435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933254577809456,0.14053658845628955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991362242206836,0.0,0.11524437754598993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07688390677624161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951878926058603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879163118739528,0.0,0.0,0.21152729179017316,0.0,0.1185506983680168,0.3666841137882016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Raiderscavver,2019/10/20,"(Venting) rough start today I've had an impending sense of doom following me around all week, and it's been manageable up until today. Earlier it had progressed through the day so it was easier to cope with, but today I woke up scared of the world. I wish I could stay in bed and keep the people I care about close to me, but I still went to work. I really hope today goes by quickly.",3.185384615384617,4.538062923076922,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307694,73.61538461538461,8.276923076923078,23.256410256410252,8.841846274778883,1.4761641025641024,300,8,63,6,6,99,57,78,0.068,0.763,0.16899999999999998,0.8581,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,12,13,6,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,6,1,8,2,14,6,1,19,1,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,10,42,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17273133325845508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197830521000904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549203026054826,0.0,0.0,0.12513583135747205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19271947134793396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246627028406233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451869433586006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12430310262448856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942618111469369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733821273220034,0.2068143499212314,0.15495574532649428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7356859027735092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564231287637126,0.0,0.0,0.17987139494551513,0.0,0.0,0.223129441019532,0.0,0.0,0.14125901031806307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nowalksrollinaway,2019/10/20,"Vent: Feeling Overwhelmed and Tired TW: medical stuff, doctors, health, etc. I'm sorry if this is long, and a bit of a stream of conscious rant, but I just very much need to vent. My PTSD is medical based. My health has been extra poorly lately, and on top of the unexpected doctor's appointments and tests, a bunch of specialist appointments I've been waiting for have come up. Additionally, there are some social obligations I have, which just drain me even more. I'm just in this period of chaos, and I feel like I'm fighting to not spiral. I keep having flashbacks, especially if I'm not distracted. I'm exhausted in every sense of the word. I also keep going numb... which is better than my random fits of crying. But, I guess I look like I'm holding it together ok because everyone keeps saying how well I'm doing, how much progress I've made, etc. My therapists too. I know I have made progress, but because I have so much guilt, and a huge need to never let anyone down (another issue), I have to push through all of this crap, even though it's so awful. I also get confused because sometimes I hear that I need to just take care of me, but all I want to do is hide out in a cabin somewhere. On the other hand, I'm working on exposure therapy, and keep getting told I need to expose myself to my triggers more. It's all awful, and whilst I'm told I'm in charge, and I have a voice, it doesn't feel that way. I have too many medical professionals, and family members who are like a fast running stream with how they want my treatment to go, and I am caught up in the flow. I don't even know what I want anymore. I have a feeling something is pretty seriously wrong, and part of me wants to just go with that, and if I go, I go. It would be a relief. I'm so tired, and I'm not convinced the doctors will help me anyways (they never do). I'd like to fight, and do what everyone wants of me, but it's tiring, and feels like I'm living in hell.",4.461742424242424,4.766804234848486,5.635579797979799,82.87103636363638,69.78282828282829,8.659232323232322,28.466262626262626,8.608573733854374,1.92554395959596,1511,50,316,23,25,505,187,396,0.14800000000000002,0.685,0.16699999999999998,0.4725,0,0,1,0,3,0,63.0,0,0,2,5,23,23,4,4,14,3,30,15,2,6,5,77,82,33,0,13,16,0,6,5,0,2,13,3,0,0,19,21,0,6,8,0,1,10,7,12,1,0,7,10,38,11,40,71,15,34,1,1,1,0,11,16,2,7,12,206,57,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664216083968532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302826545479591,0.0,0.0,0.07852635396448547,0.0553652516205094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480415282361944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002922996022927,0.08644523075431494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073038737514397,0.0,0.0,0.06820748854913848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697669743171246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24313556921763005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661566773676926,0.15689506808871792,0.0,0.0667134742683962,0.1513218287907516,0.0,0.0,0.0746448745234927,0.0,0.2001816638151028,0.11313395758702575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827376915951116,0.0,0.2250021601580329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872268856801201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833156900673066,0.0892428309511787,0.0,0.053073408314649115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264447478275791,0.0,0.281519125334862,0.0,0.0,0.08703170071595356,0.0,0.08931970620986764,0.0,0.0,0.08096801815266104,0.0,0.1934193785039281,0.0,0.06991834358821375,0.07007276339872025,0.06649216425410284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984610329343806,0.0,0.08027718633550593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239299821031684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462161168623533,0.2348470676743469,0.12213865925799222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574539262149034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055562364668706,0.0,0.0,0.09255844430991686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629679722666382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071513872441773,0.0,0.060957463196962124,0.07831211197254599,0.0886367355012811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064339176380523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595343173429887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055046475172017,0.09193533581919006,0.0,0.0,0.07779500827856971,0.0,0.0,0.2730210075602359,0.0,0.1513218287907516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533268284410272,0.2335152600824938,0.06285025508410153,0.0,0.0,0.07119329945594106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057644768691452734,0.0,0.0,0.05624796683948395,0.08657208003875684,0.0,0.0 ptsd,forestgreenwhore,2019/10/20,(TW: near kidnapping) When I was about 6 years old I was nearly kidnapped by a man who was trying to make me get into his car to “help him find his dog” until my mom found me and the guy sped off as fast as he could and being so small I had absolutely no idea what was going on. I’m 19 now and I’m absolutely terrified of being kidnapped almost everyday. I am constantly on high alert of everyone around me when I’m alone and shaking with fear when I have to simply walk to my car alone in the dark in a big city. It’s such routine to me I never saw it as not normal until recently when friends started pointing out my behavior as irrational and telling me I need to calm down. But I’ve realized i think I likely have PTSD from the event that happened as a child ?,3.475789772727275,4.177762681250002,5.127727272727274,84.20636363636369,72.1875,8.568181818181818,27.04545454545455,8.841846274778883,1.872125,599,20,129,11,11,204,105,160,0.113,0.8220000000000001,0.065,-0.7774,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,2,6,0,11,0,0,1,1,22,23,18,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,9,0,0,5,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,7,1,20,3,30,13,0,37,0,0,1,0,12,15,0,1,18,88,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18610427406653432,0.3849739520850384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544798724795304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20084035630621555,0.0,0.1483879720396142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17758987718286415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091355546292058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986567346910544,0.0,0.0,0.20377750003611494,0.14358905830123886,0.0,0.09710017785396724,0.0,0.10562416885299056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840230381137678,0.16434861212787671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245729071554888,0.1963632031861192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20980467194517666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079806647274104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405788136457165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21766801657801585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780715656931067,0.14334078348273446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209583484299768,0.0,0.0,0.19502076906241608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569053585183092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21725144202380564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835067662019452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154724415155586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624431385669739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190866762809322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261815404608527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968281475518508 ptsd,imbadbart,2019/10/20,"Triggered by my SO's drug addiction (TW) I jokingly told my SO of 4 months that ""at least I'm not doing heroin/drugs"", where she then admitted that she might possibly be addicted to painkillers, and that she got in trouble with her doctor because of it. I have very conflicting thoughts on this.. I do love her and want to spend my life with her. But I simply can not date someone who does drugs. I've had too many friends, including a previous SO, overdose and die on these pills. I'm extremely triggered by this revelation.",6.293003300330036,6.543103267326735,6.396782178217823,79.18283003300331,65.83168316831683,10.693729372937293,35.645214521452154,10.504223727775694,3.6728006600660064,414,19,81,10,6,132,73,101,0.102,0.802,0.09699999999999999,-0.3646,0,0,3,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,7,8,0,2,0,15,15,8,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,13,3,12,9,1,8,0,0,0,1,11,5,0,1,3,54,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979270873968903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125679578520993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941723580957567,0.0,0.0,0.1868073797960465,0.15971629621230113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6349632181155709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410072723448532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597043625287978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891266673482982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16472298368590793,0.0,0.0,0.1850371488424012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361495346372307,0.0,0.0,0.14567825636597506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20575333061097256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546406780671598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489306626901427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439674355324544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15059039699241145,0.10764950768521256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,friendlyantisocial,2019/10/20,"Do you ever have days where it feels like you’re a target? I don’t know why yet but I’ve been noticing I have days where people are say things or get angry or lash out and I feel like nothing I do is right or enough to make anyone happy. It always makes me emotional, which I’m not usually these days. I am trying to figure out the reasons behind these days and why I’m feeling this way but as of yet I can’t figure out the trigger behind it. How do you handle it when it feels like this? Is it anxiety related? Or is this what life is like for everyone? Because I really wouldn’t know.",-0.19095000000000084,2.049875840000002,2.1832750000000023,93.32451250000004,90.6,5.045000000000001,16.6125,6.6274283507984215,-0.1145900000000002,460,11,100,6,16,156,74,125,0.051,0.785,0.16399999999999998,0.9282,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,15,1,0,5,1,27,26,11,0,1,7,0,4,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,14,5,0,0,9,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,5,10,5,10,24,1,16,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,4,13,69,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12872372631723253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834593486198748,0.0,0.0,0.1081706214530148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430436806146396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990777022326466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401794000056306,0.0,0.15984761319880328,0.0,0.0,0.13993602161704574,0.0,0.14782355160144134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128861420415801,0.3315555373118071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082495116951442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646822209795597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003938168809993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092699774943756,0.30231661573195684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065284003612202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843989883066766,0.17612825270088214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725027927759327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991055000746748,0.1590585188079108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211391287923727,0.0,0.12302454142907382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277655135801897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503190696087733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703814298264326,0.0,0.0,0.1227945498654489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791874006929875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,w4lf_,2019/10/20,"Secret PTSD I’m applying to graduate school and this thing I’m writing requires me to write about an adversity that I have faced in life (the danker the misery, the higher the likelihood of scoring it). Anyway, it got me thinking and I figured I’d post this here in effort to sort of purge some boiling blood. When I was much younger I got sick. Not your typical sick with the immunocompromised, throwing up etc. sort of ordeal. I had brain sickness. I was in high school when my mind began to lose its edge. It began slowly and inconspicuous at first—irrationality is hard to detect in high school age children—but eventually progresssd until I was no longer able to think. I basically lost my frickn mind, declining into full blown madness. I was really sick and was outright crippled by anxiety, depression and psychosis. I was sickened by significant episodes of uncontrollable poisonous stress. I dropped out of school and fell down a well of despair. Anyway, long story short, they figured out I had a bacterial condition that in it’s late stages can cause significant neurological effects, not dissimilar to people with late stage syphilis. They prescribed me antibiotics and I got better. From there I spent years working my ass off to get my life back on track and make something of myself. And here I am. But, ever since I experienced psychotic breaks back when, I’ve been plagued by ghosts from my past. Imprints of stress on my mind that weigh me down clouding my judgement, keeping my mind unquiet and making living hard— rage, vigilance, regret, paranoia, inordinate stress, ‘freak outs’, drug abuse, self harm, morbidity, depression. And so anyway I’ve been writing this grant and I’ve had to go over my entire life history to explain the bullshit of my story—which has had me freaking out and feeling insecure in my coping mechanisms. Recent events have had these negative feelings cresting so I decided to go talk to someone about them (I really haven’t done the therapy business). And I got diagnosed with PTSD. My realization is I’ve been living for over a decade dealing in the dark with this condition. It’s sort of freeing to know but also frustratingly messed up. There is absolutely no point to what I am writing. Thanks for listening. P.S. anyone know how to best go about getting my dog to be a service dog? She is a defacto one already trained to sooth me if I’m freaking (part of my self coping regime). Just wondering how to do the official. Ty",5.608740079365077,7.808488187500004,5.93610119047619,74.66862103174606,68.91071428571429,8.995634920634922,32.98015873015873,9.516144504307137,3.4041262896825386,1980,92,330,45,36,633,246,448,0.156,0.7909999999999999,0.053,-0.987,0,0,2,0,1,1,56.0,0,1,3,8,23,27,4,6,15,0,28,18,4,6,1,63,57,26,1,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,12,1,0,2,16,23,2,2,13,0,2,5,6,22,1,1,23,5,46,6,66,33,6,54,0,6,0,2,16,27,1,6,17,220,62,8,0.08547013790739809,0.10126813723988858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431842253043027,0.06835043840503595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653844215571045,0.0,0.0,0.05976270770454342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13144252058805966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08969563664534852,0.07559139132200933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541294057637577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780137546394473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811595920136599,0.1472306090780441,0.08675039084374013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746562567732577,0.0,0.0,0.0991182249996968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532179677736094,0.0,0.07731263299498306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643253963256235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270085564159262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893092388135311,0.0,0.14572394709862604,0.0,0.2734331085209429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312891103809484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060778667072785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759697856877151,0.0,0.0,0.09394430511339162,0.0,0.19282807675342048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111025816880166,0.0,0.0,0.15094339531549697,0.07563838245965902,0.0,0.09561922190379978,0.09330075198499298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410396147937192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452018979559315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628303856820483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05791677743060795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255583034957574,0.0815909177803013,0.059254231931001065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079690671250059,0.0,0.08185676598698392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19982003480434748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950871786288184,0.0,0.08439144998928927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34600137038069423,0.0,0.0,0.17832798836372693,0.0,0.0,0.07070178130103444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241857048785746,0.06579908785424919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937172625984162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869765929868453,0.0,0.07868941970995381,0.097742551493489,0.0,0.05678256180083261,0.10953162647630417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684791852966727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268871864858856,0.06222327834101531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503996656381878 ptsd,lamarjacksonszn,2019/10/20,"Need opinion/help Ever since my grandpa who the person I was closest to my whole life died I always do bad with dealing with deaths and even get a lil emotional when seeing someone die in movies when they show a close family member looking in the casket or at the cemetery. My uncle on the same side of the family died (have dealt with death on other side of family between grandpa dying and my most recent uncle dying so it’s not like this is my first funeral in a while) and at his funeral I saw my aunt and cousin crying looking looking into the coffin and I started to feel how I felt looking into the casket when my grandpa died and starting shaking and breathing heavy. I also had dreams of family members dying for a while. When looking up the symptoms of ptsd I realized I had many of the symptoms, but always thought you had to experience a traumatic experience to get ptsd. So my question is if I never witnessed my grandpa die could still be possible to have ptsd to death or something because of his death and how close we were.",10.594603960396038,7.245422693069308,10.321856435643564,66.03298267326734,59.6930693069307,12.476237623762374,42.57673267326733,10.125756701596842,4.4286811881188095,832,35,143,12,8,275,110,202,0.203,0.7829999999999999,0.015,-0.9903,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,1,1,1,1,12,3,0,1,14,0,12,4,1,2,2,34,27,23,17,3,5,6,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,16,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,8,9,23,1,27,17,3,29,0,0,7,0,15,15,0,5,14,112,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553616296611181,0.13637954787206802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842563880311353,0.0499565520923775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543118299607391,0.0,0.09001929498588727,0.0,0.08448785401953625,0.0,0.0,0.6804173671284645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218381357457768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05412784432749143,0.07412934625632323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032755219946748,0.3090243330607239,0.0,0.041436873962443936,0.0,0.07868578506768135,0.0,0.0,0.06970745520122576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563200128401421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549300093020188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057884395336522364,0.040037105578082606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34409088439691426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308542323128153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060765607587439735,0.06320564197990093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155642804425155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238740794486948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873889035040995,0.0,0.09180384437332943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809166985392305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530431472072958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779069117130343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694367929162456,0.0630898622637052,0.0,0.0,0.11601064003235828,0.0,0.06544615236500355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035687744038666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505991801944883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914953339711282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throw0OO0away,2019/10/20,"Does anyone else have a hard time telling the past from the present when under emotional stress? (TW: Medical) Disclaimer: I haven't been diagnosed but this is the only sub that I relate to on an emotional level. I don't know if this belongs here so feel free to remove this post if it does not. I've come to realize that if there is an event that is similar to my trauma, my brain tends to think that the past is happening. It isn't until after the event has ended that there comes a mass of confusion because the past didn't happen like my brain thought it would (because it's the present and not the past). I'm curious if anyone else deals with this? Also, does anyone else struggle with medical trauma/ PTSD? I had 14 surgeries as a child but nothing went wrong during them. I think what made it traumatic was the fact that I was a child rather than intentional harm.",4.1797300944669376,5.709970274853803,4.652280701754389,85.13647773279355,71.39766081871346,8.068556005398111,27.188933873144396,8.617729084823388,1.9018669365722,691,24,136,12,13,219,101,171,0.141,0.779,0.079,-0.9043,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,7,9,0,3,15,0,15,5,2,2,1,25,28,12,0,6,9,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,16,5,0,0,6,0,1,4,6,7,0,0,8,2,10,3,15,19,0,22,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,5,14,87,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862323849617917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324651379713887,0.3406465744899352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351104864903029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24742500518325605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19092436467718527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425123012886028,0.0,0.11248063299642408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909397083931929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777293134609996,0.24931664370193785,0.098154207826623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05603425341835599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19599668006816687,0.0,0.09927354030394492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609041342799091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414137471212455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486118415736956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22328030381846534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633540819928544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428410259275426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4231634227547562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061355547070772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954341635558375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694468692579478,0.11585381130558214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686213788713734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420188031357048,0.0,0.08797922200848003,0.06462041565967278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273185829709752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872381436149144,0.12116499032415158,0.0,0.0 ptsd,uwuing,2019/10/20,"Trauma therapy Is trauma therapy based solely around PTSD or like? I’ve been thinking a lot of when I used go to my therapist and she informed me I have trauma and triggers. She never said anything PTSD related but the more I try to find out about it or talk to my friends I feel like she suspected I had PTSD or something similar. I feel kinda gross, like what I went through isn’t even valid of enough cus it doesn’t match up with everyone else’s experience and it’s ridiculous and I know it’s person to person. I plan to go back to therapy sometime this year but it’s hard. Just wanted to basically know if you can have trauma and receive trauma therapy without having ptsd?",2.3360952380952402,4.780952837037038,3.9040476190476165,84.24750000000003,79.8888888888889,7.116402116402117,25.939153439153447,8.192908349453996,1.9326931216931225,543,22,103,11,14,180,83,135,0.16699999999999998,0.745,0.08800000000000001,-0.843,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,6,11,1,0,2,0,9,0,0,2,1,30,20,12,0,2,8,0,3,3,1,0,0,1,0,2,7,8,0,0,8,0,0,4,4,7,0,0,4,4,16,4,16,16,3,11,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,6,7,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811780650182526,0.106141790809594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168207602466646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960306666054046,0.0,0.0,0.12319856604794745,0.0,0.07875163535550864,0.0,0.0,0.11393132009273367,0.0,0.116631810162824,0.0,0.0,0.12057459997183635,0.08517939043037101,0.0,0.0,0.10897592094648864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211837534122223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13552462766475953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680848480810652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105361773278176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475225062161392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136681333430457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195909668037344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20821762989816647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5575034787897358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341697021506035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091790646558173,0.11792353248148744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583419420687488,0.0,0.0,0.5454088979291822,0.13843758374785475,0.0,0.07639907436937968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809507259315048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297819702564086,0.0,0.0,0.07032614410122058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052929202121003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493542801799735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678152208772436 ptsd,psychogenical,2019/10/20,"What benzodiazepine is good for night terrors I got childhood war trauma in iraq as a civilian and i get night terrors Wake up middle of the night with cold sweat in a pool of sweat nightmares about traumatic events I get benzos perscribed Temazepam 20mg but doesn't help i had nitrazepam but that made my breathing heavy Question should i take them before bed or after i wake up the first time i can fall back asleep sometimes but then another nightmare comes and sometimes like rn i cant sleep and stay up till late its 3 am lol Tldr: what benzo should i ask from my doctor for night terrors and insomnia and when to take them before bed ( when i cant sleep) or when i wake up the first time from my nightmares",3.2319725274725286,5.517195878571432,3.1071428571428577,91.96708791208792,75.92857142857143,5.4505494505494525,24.340659340659343,6.297961479604792,0.5993296703296709,573,19,113,4,13,172,87,140,0.136,0.8,0.064,-0.8476,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,2,5,7,1,3,5,1,9,11,9,1,0,16,17,16,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,4,7,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,5,0,2,3,1,16,2,18,12,0,28,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,3,19,69,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906522914970367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418141650191433,0.0,0.0,0.11664394118540927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581622117496133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306716421975766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552660603799716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580630466198531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850854887555338,0.0,0.0,0.1272344049975707,0.12132419283261145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167782994240318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111834696332484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411041913303865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353729195112372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5694211921631782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993289815276216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036087135720908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30006008117542216,0.0,0.0,0.16168647808075792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281112288342204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769089209335149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TesseractToo,2019/10/20,"Sometimes I think my therapist failed psych: Trigger Warning of some kinds of traumas listed in footnote SOmetimes she says things that just seem so naive, like she doesn't seem to understand PTSD symptoms or Dissociation and think I can just push thorough them\* and it seems like she hears the words but doesn't understand that the traumas have all built up and... I don't know. I hit a shut down after decades of cumulative trauma I'm in real need of some sort of empathetic contact and I don't know how to get it. She thinks I can push through it and I've always been super extra tough before I don't understand why I can't now. I try to do many things including reading about it and she just says things that are so off the cuff insensitive and I think it's because she doesn't know what I mean. I also took Psych in college and am interested in what my experiences might mean- badly worded, but- For example I was reading about how PTSD is more of a mind injury than a mental illness but it does have some physical structural changes for example there is a reduction in the amygdala and hippocampus structures in the brain and I told he I'd learned that and she says ""well maybe we can focus on making your amygdala bigger!"" Like maybe she doesn't know what those words mean? It seems like a really flippant and insensitive and unhelpful response. These are starting to build up and I don't feel supported but I don't have anyone else to turn to and don't want to start over. I can't handle this anymore I wish I would die in my sleep \* (I've had to push through massive traumas my whole life- things like severe injuries that caused permanent chronic pain and facial disfiguration and having to call the cops to break into my fiance's home to check for his dead body and I was right he had died, and some more common ones like assault causing GBH, robbery and domestic violence, cops never doing anything about the assaults so I never feel safe, abusive origin family and more)",3.705572176514586,6.054398607329848,4.204267763649966,84.35961780104715,74.70680628272251,6.983515332834705,26.88287210172027,7.957251820313856,1.75353349289454,1596,61,296,25,35,503,197,382,0.19899999999999998,0.706,0.095,-0.9931,0,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,1,1,1,2,18,22,2,0,12,0,33,9,4,7,3,78,67,32,3,4,8,0,2,6,0,2,5,4,1,0,22,23,0,1,21,2,1,4,14,10,1,1,7,6,38,12,41,57,10,30,0,1,0,0,21,17,0,11,14,197,60,7,0.0,0.09955354600933317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719318336422997,0.0699138883980525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833282639189878,0.058750853262096975,0.08609151929936851,0.06914379099594901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015571688702048,0.05121965664550074,0.0,0.07149740635545704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333064001277086,0.0,0.09379748485997184,0.08579690366477588,0.0,0.0,0.17262958537938985,0.08888522022575605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440527048139287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352911608634206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019045644486427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219064197310083,0.07920943085306638,0.0,0.08496913289350512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043898563050586516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470005666811757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428194568193967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749705154435614,0.18470743031969208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059347947968600476,0.24629643739187745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056086022161516785,0.08518616021143863,0.16882484572820594,0.2745771218244354,0.0,0.0,0.08467544756552325,0.08913515231008312,0.08483930377147413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230200896828495,0.12960747468250272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693617680546448,0.0,0.0894064234998952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643684154432708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809152721975446,0.0956365983256012,0.0538273018509286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175520492706948,0.0,0.20045544762657486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059656279649971,0.0,0.09492210293453117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408370621016675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620184193074666,0.0,0.11894386023067476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534833394383453,0.0,0.08733209563343372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755720901147326,0.22328465923595034,0.21535424888986215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028760186600786,0.09335267325609516,0.05704611909229946,0.0913929242357282,0.0,0.2624127992225589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04955895757000366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755467909411813,0.0,0.07581771182605529,0.0938087076546194,0.09662233299091584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059687546779859,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,John_bu,2019/03/14,"The Cabin Every year there is a large snowboard event, last year was my first full weekend ever in a cabin. I have anxity prior. A buddy of mine warned me that this dude is going to short fuse and go after whoever is in his bath.. so im on edge day 1 Day 2 was time for a good winter party. The guy who was going to blow at any minute was ticking away until he was gone for a couple hours. He had passed out in the car and our dd was driving him to the cabin. An hour or so went by so we found a ride back to see if the coast is clear.. it wasn't. I looked directly into the eyes of something not human, so i ran away. Far as i could to get away from him. We end up safe for the moment. 4am rolls around and we want to go to bed. Back to the cabin we go. By this time the guy is passed out but we could hear him waking up. So we acted asleep. I was in a full panic attack trying to sleep. Every sound in that cabin woke me up that night. Weekend was over and i got home. The first night back i was having night terrors. Wasnt sleeping, i would look out the window to see if he was outside at 3am. It was reacurring for months the souless monster inside him, in my head. I spoke with him about it, but he kind of blew it off. November comes im ready to ride, pay for a season pass i saved for. First day riding, he comes all the thoughts back to me.. Snowboarding is my life i ride 50-60 times a year. This season once. I needed to fix it. So i told him again what happened and whats wrong. They were so hammered they dont remember any of it, and think im lying about it. Its destroying my day to day life, im in a constant panick attack. Im going to a therapist soon. But from a non medical perspective. Is it possible to develp ptsd through watching other people argue and scream at oneanother from the time they wake up to go to bed",0.5858856532193428,2.3578598781725937,2.649623296820732,94.53338765695969,82.1979695431472,5.365642532727757,17.72882714400214,6.339386263674448,-0.3030497461928934,1408,29,326,12,38,474,198,394,0.105,0.86,0.035,-0.9852,0,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,7,0,3,3,18,12,4,2,27,0,28,10,7,0,3,42,56,22,0,7,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,5,3,19,21,0,1,4,3,1,22,4,8,0,3,24,10,38,4,65,29,3,92,0,0,6,0,30,29,0,3,41,212,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680031526849966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990450684951076,0.0,0.1786686029479062,0.22133239405592656,0.2415256144656781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135285846629798,0.0,0.08485836725245341,0.0,0.12539273738377327,0.08688717536304008,0.0,0.25321284839383484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920315163949254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955044804550611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103097653077496,0.1323225504999073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003817191627787,0.0,0.08609935898284565,0.0,0.0,0.041026428672769163,0.0,0.3123956894558341,0.06586361780970326,0.06280416266300322,0.0,0.0,0.1555055451839692,0.06944000270600383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059000607283487,0.0,0.08850415253284273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876766328177354,0.0,0.15466396117797926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241060670198684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177241565118094,0.0,0.06400891284832637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093002526771648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188359411420544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910636494434065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626784515011058,0.0,0.0,0.05822579942223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210731038556193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836272902733664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092132970445444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443982172891658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852590960103585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179232198370008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895429189464553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251496062098567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571647878951425,0.0,0.0,0.06045290768230417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911743710702204,0.0,0.050316087347075836,0.0,0.06234062140456849,0.18315583046448025,0.0,0.0,0.07503465586032322,0.0,0.053313784628931035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04631648273998307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279409544755737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055782392644484084,0.08585550788978426,0.0,0.15170389709155085 ptsd,--skeeter--,2019/03/14,"Ptsd triggered by guy at work I am a 28 y/o female and I work with kids in an office environment. Most of my coworkers are female, which I like because I feel more comfortable working with women, and I have had traumatic experiences with male coworkers in the past. One of my coworkers is a male in his mid-50s and ever since I started working there I've gotten a bad vibe from him. About a month ago, I had a dream where he assaulted a kid we work with. Since then, he has cornered me twice and spoken to me in a hostile and confrontational manner. Today, he motioned me into an empty room, closed the door, and stood about 6 inches from my face. He asked if I had done a particular thing, to which I replied yes. He then told me not to do the thing any more. I honestly can't describe it in more detail because thinking about it is triggering me. But it was hostile and confrontational. My workplace is supposed to be ""magical"" because we work with kids. The interaction sounds normal, but I experienced it as a verbal assault. To me that's how it felt. This guy and I have the same position, so it's not like he is my superior and has the authority to tell me what to do. I felt all of his hostile energy and I feel bad vibes any time this guy and I are in close proximity to each other. What should I do to protect myself against this guy's hostile energy that causes my ptsd to be triggered? My gut says quit, die, etc, because people like this have fucked with me in the past. But I like this job and I don't want to quit, and obviously I don't want to die. How can I protect myself? ",3.807209239130433,4.893781943750003,5.286711956521742,81.94013586956525,71.75,8.440217391304348,28.28804347826087,8.841846274778883,2.100698369565217,1242,46,255,23,23,419,152,320,0.157,0.733,0.11,-0.9512,1,0,0,0,0,1,37.0,2,0,0,8,9,18,9,0,18,1,27,3,2,6,3,51,40,23,2,5,6,0,4,4,0,1,0,2,2,10,20,25,0,2,5,1,0,1,5,11,0,2,10,7,42,7,38,27,8,26,0,0,0,1,26,15,1,2,14,182,62,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175417725219463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077886964865746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676661973047301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728508066361665,0.2523916612828526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633190139781416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21485128384373256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059252914441949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543951153880305,0.0,0.09362950437836558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125132628801653,0.0,0.0,0.10467417205265016,0.0,0.19876908214015646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569208357865124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099593680048684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027163683835569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20227640152433748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261962084541165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014165048758766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014014341448985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762144678325247,0.07175986838244623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241992157023198,0.0,0.0,0.2201883913283331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823142369439548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124685799571768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732639587248495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047112674891428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753310197289156,0.06632416659123558,0.0,0.0,0.060356729091874915,0.0,0.09811410193671244,0.09890695556409014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210417300443176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4521332014842445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sissershernal,2019/03/14,"Mothers last words I told my mother on her death bed “I love you mommy” her last words to me was “no you don’t”. I was 15 years old. I’m now an adult with ptsd from childhood abuse. My mother never once in her life told me she loves me and physically and verbally abused me but not my siblings. Before she died she made arrangements for my two younger siblings to live with family but not myself. My name wasn’t even mentioned in any of the documents. It was like I didn’t exist. I was tossed around from house to house until I saved up enough to move out on my own at 18. I recently ran into some family and was triggered. My anxiety is off the charts and nightmares of my mother every time I try to sleep. I need peace in my life. (My dad was never in the picture and is now deceased) ",1.4258333333333333,3.489765950617283,2.9266512345679025,92.11368055555558,80.85185185185185,6.025308641975308,20.001543209876548,7.1686216300943375,0.3698135802469138,612,16,133,8,16,200,97,162,0.092,0.81,0.098,0.4404,0,0,0,0,2,0,13.0,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,11,5,1,2,2,24,19,8,2,1,4,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,1,12,0,32,4,25,7,3,26,0,0,0,2,20,12,0,1,13,92,33,0,0.0,0.350782375188147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066538642183127,0.0,0.11324244386846505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177796670248365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259625147797753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363163211448724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152954424554449,0.0,0.09777233173181324,0.0,0.12472154829232256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790987705182801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341613185675449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413281994577997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911574710775774,0.07231991624269701,0.0,0.1307130855046419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672054707405328,0.14006944034379526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733232289623916,0.0,0.1097622714656461,0.22833951995544025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533244519490388,0.15764697828119706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730389941231142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616163622467745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813677343175435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631740647378207,0.0,0.0,0.282897765169291,0.0,0.1005025634575924,0.0,0.1446036714855998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532638166236396 ptsd,Shocktroop214,2019/03/14,"Tw: suicidal ideations What do you do when you are having an episode and have suicidal ideations? I don’t act on them anymore due to ketamine infusions but I still really want to not live and it’s super painful. Other than a hotline which I won’t call- what can I do to get my brain to stop? I do not wish to go to the hospital at this time, but will if I need. Just trying to ride these nasty waves. Keeps happening to me. ",1.1749116161616158,3.2894819204545485,2.705151515151517,93.08328282828285,82.06818181818181,6.638383838383841,23.41414141414141,7.793537801064563,1.098026262626263,331,12,74,6,9,108,64,88,0.20800000000000002,0.718,0.07400000000000001,-0.9195,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,11,2,1,0,0,13,18,6,2,4,6,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,0,0,11,1,11,16,0,10,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,53,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24119468891021806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714979782052874,0.2483401971389221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706493284062192,0.0,0.13821939586801082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21506598467702864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21617238808810527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147550762194292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18033393430824804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587879968745948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580378990534513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19422437477211454,0.20333084328591766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5320550925801746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181519114765467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512069615873926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434490146756549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27967453600354003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,agitatedlending,2019/03/14,"ptsd / inability to think about or discuss a future hi. i’ve had ptsd for 12 years after a life threatening medical issue. for probably 3 years after the issue i was in a near constant panic attack state where every single day i thought was going to be my last and was hospitalized probably once a month because of it. among various other issues this has caused for me, one of the worst is that i have never been able to think about, discuss or allow myself to look forward to a future of any kind. i kind of just live every day thinking ‘ok now i have one more day’ and while i am now able to plan things a few weeks or max a few months in advance, i still get incredibly stressed, upset and shut down completely when faced with committing to anything farther out because still, 12 years later, i think i am going to be gone. i spend nearly all my time working to save money for my kids in case something terrible happens to me (my dad died when i was very young, and i saw how my mom struggled). it is somehow more terrifying to me to think about a future that i don’t really believe i can have than not thinking about it at all. for obvious reasons this is impacting my relationships and my career because of my inability to allow myself to want or consider that i have a future. i’ve been to countless therapists over the years and on multiple different antidepressant/anti-anxiety medications. nothing seems to help; this is clearly a very deep rooted issue for me. i’m not sure any of this makes sense but i guess i am wondering if anyone can relate to this or has any tips. ",8.715844155844156,6.755532142857145,9.080909090909092,69.14136363636366,61.987012987012996,12.04675324675325,37.58441558441558,10.7630783206399,3.964049350649351,1252,48,229,25,14,420,165,308,0.09,0.8640000000000001,0.046,-0.8966,1,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,14,12,1,4,13,1,25,4,1,7,7,45,45,17,1,2,10,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,13,8,0,0,10,0,2,5,4,7,0,2,10,2,31,5,48,33,9,50,0,0,2,0,8,16,0,10,30,168,44,2,0.18241711230481905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18607483757489748,0.0,0.0697742958077968,0.0,0.0,0.06377514316632535,0.0,0.07505687024079373,0.0,0.0,0.10376289991805293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16679966778989272,0.0,0.0,0.10276080923230096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369631172162668,0.0,0.0,0.0956304358104024,0.09856404676755648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646591966814834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466008131228566,0.0952935284276618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369428470235086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04765270609530528,0.0,0.10367184872683137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047650754542298,0.0,0.0806554249846933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061135172595110976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38079214358514335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995935136392916,0.0,0.07434714670803996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442330056790785,0.0,0.0,0.08053882610078945,0.0,0.07659221570616633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060882419477779025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837660493935548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682235861544752,0.14560359868093975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034566133386802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751706953659953,0.0,0.0,0.09713413557706413,0.1236105562897183,0.0,0.0,0.1070135886635987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19667650006911933,0.0,0.2132358424947763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058430536599792235,0.09377758648825292,0.0,0.09792385545842497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303284396735354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021680257300889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456785415244186,0.0,0.1044790929110412,0.09535098639118073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596298476472174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590016359179874,0.060594911898938425,0.35065655965429315,0.0,0.07240940549042643,0.05318444257224895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051322191695093,0.05379716955089573,0.0,0.07316200213016641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891178845076974,0.06640091516761508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349412790886945 ptsd,cereal_killerxx,2019/03/14,"Recently diagnosed with PTSD Part of me is relieved to find out that my dysfunction isn't my fault. The other part is angry and frustrated that I have to deal with something that wasn't my fault. Anyone else feel this way? Also, I had a few questions. 1. Can PTSD stunt a person's maturity or growth? (it would explain why I'm 34 and still dress like a teenage skateboarder). 2. Is PTSD linked to sexual addiction? 3. Does PTSD make it harder to make simple or complex decisions? 4. Can PTSD cause any physical health issues?",1.9155538461538484,4.695432740000001,3.2220000000000013,85.66330769230773,86.6,7.0769230769230775,22.69230769230769,8.139509932561175,1.773753846153847,414,15,77,10,13,134,73,100,0.09,0.785,0.125,0.3971,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,4,0,10,3,0,3,0,18,15,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,7,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,6,2,8,12,3,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,3,3,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421716582358304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429287111929232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868670846277753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118923766713778,0.13362563398853491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397218436397187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445219359213048,0.0,0.13236853402754215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141270921179586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894504265600098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594176955379845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11919699617738433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862510332519407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361194328980338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371420759258713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17410612172301793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2824535880453453,0.0,0.0,0.11387339432177322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7622410924933757,0.0,0.14609470674128575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876913188393938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039987964209744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414963014216023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351739910058116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767930096676775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264311217397107,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nirvanabananas,2019/03/14,"Problems with sleep Hi I was wondering if I could ask for some advice about fight or flight and sleep. My major trauma happened to be when I was sleeping/waking up twice I have woke up in the middle of a traumatic experience. My body puts me straight into fight or flight when I get up and I'm away easily enraged. It's breaking my heart cause I'm being horrible to my loved ones and they don't deserve it. I am on mirtrazapine and quetiapine at night and beta blockers during the day which have helped me fall and stay asleep. However I am still very reactive in the morning and it's horrible. I am being horrible. I used to be a morning person now I am angry and horrible to be around. I feel like I've had a piece of me ripped away and I don't know how to stop all this anger. Is there something I should be doing in the morning that can help this? I've tried meditation but I'm a mother of three so that's abit hard in the morning. Thank you for reading even if you don't have advice it's appreciated you took the time x",0.9851056338028172,3.308229535211272,3.10599178403756,88.60152288732394,84.63380281690141,6.179107981220657,21.551056338028168,7.492282038375204,0.8996042253521129,813,27,171,14,24,275,122,213,0.139,0.779,0.08199999999999999,-0.7747,1,0,1,0,2,0,12.0,0,3,1,0,10,9,4,0,10,0,24,6,5,3,1,30,38,18,0,5,5,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,12,0,2,3,1,0,3,3,6,0,3,5,2,24,3,25,25,4,28,0,0,0,1,13,15,0,6,9,120,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31490033939095363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434360340459542,0.15063077956388812,0.0,0.3027657990409014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897433002740482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16552047849429347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864576090361315,0.0,0.0,0.10391274720320932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642200554436372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761185265251773,0.0,0.0,0.08146999544063836,0.11510823260652933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418152827484561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424829247952734,0.0,0.14433697930360884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093473084085325,0.2159983212751868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885504711743833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07871787847362907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542223543688176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120555493197696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918294460088894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14068874673792373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417553484370514,0.0,0.16197583218426606,0.0,0.0,0.16116930336769514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32248412703752016,0.0,0.0,0.12404243610734512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173855823892087,0.12867519252578505,0.13470830031989414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834289706746553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395369167961616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901658179983196,0.10939377404688096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916087209285802,0.0,0.1329455773319472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473394899191988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,teethsheath,2019/03/14,I'm afraid to fall asleep tonight Because last night the nightmares I had were so severe and so intense that I'm afraid to fall asleep again. They are never about the incidents they are more vague but I don't want to fall asleep to go back there again. I'm trying to calm myself down in ways but I'm still afraid,2.174512820512824,4.173333246153849,2.068846153846156,99.52532051282051,78.07692307692308,4.94871794871795,18.525641025641026,5.46131890053228,-0.6358205128205126,251,5,57,1,6,74,41,65,0.078,0.853,0.068,0.0986,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,2,0,8,4,0,3,2,0,5,3,3,0,1,5,11,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,8,9,1,15,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,8,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29533701822519165,0.0,0.23413414477143926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21828388473566426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130798611531489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29622938953691097,0.0,0.0,0.3604369744768686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339057862941616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067301138842899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260767939126325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22654279443390465,0.3048681360825441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,obviousthrowaway226,2019/03/14,"Is there anywhere a person in the USA can talk about real life that isn't some taboo/hidden shit? It seems like the real world has been tagged as unacceptable. The world's a tough, gross, brutal place, but there's nowhere to talk about it, not on the internet, not among friend groups, not even with therapists who give us bogus positive psychology crap. Anything involving the real world in the USA is considered taboo and enemy because it fights against a manufactured fantasy. What the fuck is that? It's one of the root causes behind PTSD, in my opinion. This fake fucking world we have to live in seeing the real world.",7.116834975369457,7.707253663793104,6.640098522167487,76.97189655172416,64.08620689655173,10.076847290640398,30.364532019704434,9.957137785484203,2.8157428571428578,499,16,90,10,7,155,79,116,0.237,0.6990000000000001,0.063,-0.9740000000000001,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,2,0,0,0,5,11,6,0,12,0,8,5,2,2,0,18,13,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,9,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,9,0,1,1,1,3,2,15,12,1,12,0,0,1,2,11,12,4,3,1,57,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128052670673465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485759646616028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985296095768695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027780541240305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022286678743405,0.2877154024177415,0.0,0.14927400846364944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991100035018878,0.07602253249135453,0.0,0.1374053000348339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544445702005943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587148215173014,0.16257793289158076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181898199506338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7084669008348795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239999574394824,0.14166028225693153,0.0,0.0,0.15973005609088597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501446974316847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067365091538706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717806162228987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,player2587,2019/03/14,"Good ways to treat ptsd? I've tried many different outlets to help cope with my ptsd and non have seemed to be effective. I've tried counseling, medication, self-medication, and a hypnotism that seemed very unorthodox and didn't work for me. I got into an accident last year where someone was hit and killed standing in the road and ever since I've been terrified of driving in the dark. Every time I do I always am extremely anxious and see things that aren't there like outlines of people walking into the roads. It's also caused me to be extremely depressed and causes nightmares. If anyone knows something that could help please let me know.",7.629928571428572,8.050623183333336,7.124047619047619,74.52000000000002,63.0,10.523809523809526,34.64285714285714,10.290406445055957,3.582285714285714,522,21,90,11,7,163,87,120,0.147,0.7290000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.6365,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,1,0,5,0,11,1,0,3,1,20,18,9,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,1,7,3,12,9,0,15,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,3,5,52,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246185725730827,0.12966447694510055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604549124001842,0.0,0.10896116398126644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201642106647823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244189506632426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421763466713613,0.0,0.0,0.16281098343096365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095871497718945,0.13129494758452318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070425585634576,0.12463286437234525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890143825427754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17240471309568026,0.0,0.1712820792051928,0.12702365281825806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593484946775193,0.0,0.07613150848758754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579889083538001,0.0,0.0,0.17309391449245307,0.15698406658170702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803409567613943,0.0,0.0,0.17105643645271507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643178901247077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417770762027723,0.28372669595620503,0.16256647271248226,0.0,0.0,0.12890561157629707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320357131947093,0.11996687360535277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035276724449108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090866730839845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115990216918608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857749148340009,0.0,0.12369196833824855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344735028215455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035052046056717 ptsd,TootTootAnxietyTrain,2019/03/14,"Triggering Song (To be clear, I'm not talking about a song coming up on the radio or in public, I feel that's it's own separate sucky thing.) So in times of stress or when I'm feeling very scared, a song from my past plays in my head. It's a very easy to recall jingle/beat, so my mind blares it and I feel very quickly triggered into panic. I try to do guided imagery, guided meditation, and listen to happy upbeat music or light hearted comedy to distract myself. Does this happen to anyone else? What do you do? ",1.97596153846154,4.08215082692308,3.896769230769234,85.64823076923078,79.19230769230771,5.6984615384615385,20.015384615384615,6.742157984588678,0.4341684615384613,402,10,77,4,10,136,72,104,0.129,0.728,0.14300000000000002,0.1179,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,4,4,0,4,2,2,2,1,15,12,8,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,7,4,0,0,3,5,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,8,8,2,15,11,1,11,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,4,49,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256344882942878,0.208907670694232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17563172782469308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842403636052662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032252282448798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092761710703311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029776150612573,0.2170429000810904,0.0,0.0,0.2092482305367324,0.0,0.0,0.2416086321490395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058690737305764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23921900467880264,0.0,0.0,0.1946344648476128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041277695451145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335533732495513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16387770253898618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354543352305547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11888891472021107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842678069459335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5046876324906427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,grabbyflabby,2019/03/14,"Parents with PTSD and how it effects their children. Hi there! This is my first time on reddit, so this post might be all over the place. I am currently 17 years old, and I've had a father who was in the Marines and the US Army. He was forced to retire because of a serious head injury. He was a sergeant. And was stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan. My father is a complicated man. I do not know what happened to him while he was doing his services, but he has very intense PTSD. almost a year ago (Last Fall) He was arrested. Charged with public intoxication and misuse of a firearm. I do not know the situation well, because my mom refused to tell me the details. Since then, I have lost contact with him. A few months ago he went to a rehab center for his drug use (presumably to cope with his PTSD). He deleted all of his social media, kept on moving from state to state within weeks. I love my dad, but he was the main reason I have MY ptsd. He did a lot of things, but one I remember was when my little sister and I were in the airport to meet with him. When he picked us up, we went to those little trains(To travel throughout the airport) and my little sister didn't get on the train on time. I know my dad better than my sister and his girlfriend at the time. I knew he was triggered, he was shaking and his face turned red. I remember feeling terrified (know this was our first time seeing him in YEARS), and I knew he was extremely stressed and anxious. When we retrieved my sister, my dad was silent. He didn't say anything when we got her, he just walked, almost sprinting to the parking lot. I remember my head pounding, I was expecting the worse. And the worse did come. When we all got into the car, there was a stinging silence that made my body cold. Then, my dad, turned from his seat and started screaming at us. SCREAMING. I call it his warvoice, the one he used when he was mad and probably used while he was overseas. I am terrified at the warvoice. It carries the volume of rage and fear. He started with my sister. He began to say things like *You are too disobedient and careless! From now on you RESPECT me and do whatever I say!* I was bawling at this point. this was when I was about 13/14. Surprisingly my sister was not affected at all. But after he was done with her, he turned to me. I will never forget what he said to me. &#x200B; *And you-- you are failing school! You are supposed to be smart! You are a (Last Name)! Act like it!* &#x200B; Look, I love my dad. Because he is my dad and made sacrifices that no normal person could. But... the reason why I was failing school at that time because I was extremely depressed and didn't even take care of myself. So it hurt when he said that, I knew that I disappointed him. It is clear that I was his favorite child, because he and I are a lot alike. I almost understood him, and feared that I would never have a temper like he did. After all that fiasco we went to his house and everything turned to normal. Seemingly. But I was extremely effected. That whole week was hell to me. I never forgot it. Last Summer, I went to therapy. Other things have happened to me in my life, but my relationship with my dad has impacted me the most. I wanted to share this because my PTSD hasn't effected me as much as it used to. And that children of veterans are real. Thank you. ",2.0634643172604332,4.380356833080427,3.2332235635177677,89.40065544810093,80.06221547799697,5.998061286888772,23.644622109482928,7.198655661688642,0.9637222431091884,2599,91,523,34,67,837,265,659,0.156,0.758,0.086,-0.9955,2,0,1,1,0,0,113.0,9,7,1,9,19,31,4,4,32,0,65,10,4,15,9,109,111,49,0,6,11,17,1,3,1,3,4,7,0,5,32,40,0,3,19,1,0,12,11,18,1,4,54,12,99,13,65,51,13,83,2,6,3,2,104,26,1,9,45,371,131,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278940332316808,0.0,0.17417215819637252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12563999575775622,0.1409011589260604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549953296452275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04771160643959666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21206000405600364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127753071934943,0.0,0.06440136852354371,0.0,0.0,0.059202829963859005,0.0,0.059113243440844634,0.0,0.0,0.04994359628621385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046291348349658167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04993704936364739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059332434938928334,0.0,0.0,0.06723699271016725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03829444589639045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210760056023492,0.0,0.0,0.13048452214246867,0.029315819755719064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863346323668806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030291526301416037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274187428395357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254091015898996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900593678566382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689974261954452,0.06206749694043859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745451319553314,0.1417813636084586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04095213605862922,0.08497652876022152,0.17432994616979994,0.0,0.0,0.04868758370000823,0.0,0.0632907013930817,0.14787448913523446,0.10465624846260486,0.10972187141237727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150633694934881,0.0,0.06790406150508031,0.046278119339155835,0.061622281275133535,0.042621083903528346,0.0,0.1341504580804049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136138139483255,0.0,0.0,0.06083899006097646,0.0,0.07857586113774892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437858818279364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050624845609966364,0.060575498418664615,0.0,0.054808699688166165,0.0,0.05552765677514443,0.0,0.06251094494821488,0.0,0.33887053121477845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599255948809933,0.0,0.11922371090157638,0.0,0.0622475256121326,0.19703601018084568,0.0,0.11030221810700082,0.1383211896263058,0.0,0.11735526750032993,0.04620159139800963,0.052781715520795136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04796065661938592,0.06517059243062104,0.0,0.05910207791529926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207537605314169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664145113717832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04359283670753369,0.0,0.0506760205093179,0.05337908280159012,0.06630380257779,0.0,0.11555560121901545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690395019520359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522571105627929,0.0,0.0,0.20922404733804245,0.20030024655128095,0.0,0.04783857616910204,0.03419739422843068,0.0,0.09301418086762256,0.0,0.052129897786068816,0.21498768751480893,0.05231684256374427,0.06473125172564814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817068645452028,0.04118647098005508,0.0,0.1409011589260604,0.11200932514572327 ptsd,megrose995,2019/03/14,"Obsession As a survivor of multiple sexual assaults, I feel an almost borderline obsession with consuming media that deals with sexual assault - tv (Law and Order SVU), books, movies, etc. Hell, I even wrote my senior thesis on sexual assault for my undergrad degree. Do any of y’all deal with this in any way with regards to your trauma? Or know anything about why this might happen? I feel like sometimes I’m almost driven to trigger myself, and it makes me feel a little crazy. This can’t be a very healthy way for me to cope, especially long-term.",5.988655462184872,7.302177137254906,6.635994397759102,73.43911764705884,66.84313725490196,9.75014005602241,30.257703081232492,9.957137785484203,3.1846761904761918,436,16,72,10,7,143,76,102,0.223,0.708,0.07,-0.9552,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,2,8,4,2,4,0,4,0,0,2,0,18,13,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,7,0,0,2,3,10,1,15,9,1,8,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,4,2,43,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008998822413701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722566098379259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647299224048365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127506708407106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22325204152681846,0.13221607008841546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30364892783735403,0.14300762396095004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701726513020047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100129173780125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779714716184394,0.2006315349546859,0.0,0.17715175198959035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362076255269106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21235784894183096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19798174304903846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651683003017464,0.0,0.31778489276318705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063004076172326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,daveyjones86,2019/03/14,"Where do I go to get diagnosed with PTSD? Some people are telling me to go to a general practitioner, others say a therapist. Who specifically would I go to in order to get a real diagnosis? Thank you ",2.5265384615384607,4.985538000000002,5.7612179487179525,71.1233653846154,79.25641025641026,10.053846153846157,27.698717948717945,10.125756701596842,3.628533333333333,158,7,29,6,4,58,29,39,0.0,0.92,0.08,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,7,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28977792501373684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983254099057332,0.0,0.4867710981396524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19793073218744145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337358742629503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249631128540294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270421832567486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495408194424143,0.26285134328856896,0.0,0.3314891461717015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028120127628091,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sakura-dream,2019/03/14,"Need some help with physical reactions I'm having a rough night tonight and thought I might try to reach out.. I was raped by my boyfriend about 9 years ago. I struggled with ptsd but until recently I thought I was over it. There have been a few instances recently that my rapist has come up in conversation and I also had a dream about him. I have a very strong physical reaction.. like my vision starts to go black, I can't hear as clearly, and/or experienced nausea. It's very strong and hard to shake. I have talked about this to death and I don't see the point in seeing a therapist it was 9 years ago i just want to move on. Has anyone experienced this and know any tricks to help me deal? Thanks in advance. ",1.9774882629108,4.3861460915493,2.7273521126760585,92.36999530516434,81.04225352112675,6.603568075117372,22.14272300469484,7.793537801064563,0.9281787793427227,563,18,121,10,15,176,92,142,0.158,0.652,0.19,0.6245,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,3,2,6,0,14,2,0,0,1,19,27,9,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,0,3,1,0,5,2,5,0,0,7,8,16,4,21,19,2,23,0,0,3,2,7,8,0,2,11,74,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962827566323768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364542630687767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136470099351706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685385982598992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395867575270505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229289535966372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497787913569967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970627162858333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883558541361435,0.0,0.2240333940211026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184452213445908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164615993528886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728740971887194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776216105542575,0.0,0.12391701258157495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683035620956248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798197193529018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19535378528102149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33002074525517977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663452538423219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828806220525445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747096163934319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432434637582194,0.0,0.1538612083313684,0.0,0.19403865295342265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653484758848589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134631896202414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757822258426284,0.09857142763820154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152389938378475 ptsd,lilyholicphilia,2019/03/14,"Feeling dead Hey everyone, I trust you’re doing well today. Wanted to ask anyone if they have experienced this feeling and have any suggestions. For most of my life I’ve felt like I live in a game, my body isn’t my own, I have little to no motivation to do anything but I dissociate too much to even consider suicide. It’s like being in limbo. I feel dead, emotionally, physically, I’m always fatigued and sleep a lot. How can I get over this feeling? Does anyone have any tips. Thank you ",2.7923958333333303,5.0060409479166665,4.795000000000002,79.68333333333338,77.02083333333334,7.6,25.25,8.515128840125781,1.9258625000000005,385,14,73,8,9,132,70,96,0.182,0.648,0.16899999999999998,-0.8122,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,1,1,4,6,0,0,2,0,9,4,2,2,0,14,19,5,3,2,2,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,6,11,5,9,17,4,5,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,3,3,47,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646148873285767,0.0,0.0,0.2690696896796431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766622000806134,0.0,0.1628016639478725,0.0,0.18494937775254897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21975051226637526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312707728412086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225381785153372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130668404967394,0.0,0.0,0.18904018697696495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001260567295476,0.0,0.18995299288464426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336082252092296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973698204869892,0.19330475064724112,0.19828302748037724,0.1746922681368416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819256838575145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543177009855796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797825784127476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163997995596134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214024109861013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18752481126744047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668843492239685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787776883490455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HauntedCastles,2019/03/14,"One of the causes found and messaged me today. I don’t know how he found me. He messaged me with something along the lines of “Yeah shit in my life has hit the fan so I’m sorry for what i did to you” I don’t know what to do. I blocked him but I don’t believe this bullshit. He’s a manipulator. But what do I do? He found me(on Instagram) and I have no friends in common or anything and I don’t have my name on it. If he found me then my main abuser can. Should I ever respond? I feel like he’s going to try to manipulate this and then try and do shit against me. Do I just keep him blocked? I don’t hate him nearly as much as my main abuser, I knew this guy was a manipulator and I fell for it. I didn’t expect the lies, which forced me to have to go get tested and back to my ex(the main abuser) who did even worse to me. I’m so confused. I made an appointment with my therapist but that’s weeks away. He lied about a lot of serious things to get me to have sex with him. Then when I found out and screamed and stopped, he threatened to post pics he had of me(I was 16 and he was 18) to my parents and friends. I lost all of my friends and went back to my abusive ex who resumed abusing me until I finally stood up for myself and left after he did the same thing and took advantage of me while I was unprotected. He set off this nightmare that I fell into. I feel like he deserves the karma of whatever shit fire his life is now. My forgiveness will do nothing for that. Besides I don’t hold him accountable, I reported him back when it happened and past that he has destroyed his own life. Why does he even want my forgiveness?",0.8647092825569516,2.771924739884394,2.6343148588915355,94.30125807548454,81.94797687861269,5.804692281536893,22.315198911934715,6.923569853693429,0.4517659979598778,1264,42,295,15,34,418,162,346,0.239,0.682,0.079,-0.9968,1,0,1,0,3,0,33.0,0,1,0,2,14,17,5,1,10,1,31,7,3,6,2,59,57,32,0,4,6,2,3,2,3,2,3,1,0,1,19,21,0,5,12,0,1,6,8,9,0,1,20,4,55,8,43,34,8,37,1,1,0,1,38,10,3,4,21,205,74,2,0.0,0.5162608035944559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171262206931177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187526767218052,0.20102657110555688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818217909128092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952156105397427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626087081773304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151164394096964,0.07882732540728843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881259072865423,0.12451231130842523,0.0,0.09546270491040328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.477748055804863,0.20198322216960246,0.0,0.09105896613672812,0.0,0.09905262613699277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628690475305224,0.07706172654429977,0.0,0.0,0.08603730065195142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745816932552388,0.0,0.0,0.09578484165473268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946829176355172,0.0,0.18465853124154447,0.0851489486729494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512868017239834,0.0740872654432835,0.0,0.08245837527284852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406134503200336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361764235781795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905147042864636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676382138910787,0.0,0.08318942942435402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346048607170005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683581939832819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670882093761603,0.0,0.09755130147912117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07285682980900919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118165578145004,0.11579006698230428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260293901754506,0.0,0.0968209130559029,0.11833099458566568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140017264276052,0.0,0.06990218206225224,0.0,0.0,0.08078396398066827,0.07863449249782152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880784372784359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SEX_NUGGET,2019/03/14,"Was too anxious to even open my eyes today. Missed an important day of work. They’re furious. Was supposed to move. Now have 5 hours to pack and move everything. Every time I tried to even open my eyes all day I t was too much and I got too overwhelmed. Trying to just get up now. I want to just disappear. I know I am being weak but I just can’t take it. I want to give up. Now that I’ve opened my eyes finally it’s a stabby mix of anxiety and self hatred Nothing to say I just am so frustrated with myself. What is wrong with me GET UP AND FACE LIFE",-0.6023249299719851,1.5185852941176492,1.7829915966386558,96.40955742296921,91.01680672268907,5.5262745098039225,17.17703081232493,7.0316486544052195,0.013218039215686428,426,11,101,7,15,144,75,119,0.22,0.738,0.042,-0.9744,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,13,6,2,1,2,0,9,6,4,0,1,18,18,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,9,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,4,4,14,0,15,13,2,18,0,2,3,0,3,6,0,0,9,64,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756520897251987,0.2179180128627192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488044249044541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548124902795975,0.0,0.1625235265896445,0.0,0.1733628356599297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21130856454371266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20156080263225046,0.1850437924458955,0.0,0.0,0.1542768630432061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996408633301445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601081026409642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624842359126296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100366666986201,0.14180104025081874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18508928689736426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339895017011515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012330020046124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14503407765518192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247943517595373,0.0,0.18284322120634894,0.0,0.0,0.2619279710374301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275505750362852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043086797560733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21090191908600733,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SassMolasses,2019/07/31,"Putting others first (Emotional/Abusive PTSD) (I'm going to put a trigger warning here just in case.) I will not go into detail, as it's not the main focus, but I was physically and emotionally abused by my father. During that time, I had to learn that I could never make him mad and so I grew up either trying to avoid him or doing what made him happy. I couldn't be emotional either, especially when he was being abusive, because that would make him feel bad and would make the situation worse. I didn't really feel like I could be myself till he was kicked out of the house for a violent episode. I have a problem with wanting to please everyone and being ""The best friend"" and ""chameleon"". That I try really hard have people to like me and get upset when I'm rejected, mainly because I feel like I'm not good enough and I need to be punished or else I get paranoid. Sometimes because I choose to want the respect of people who don't care because it's convenient or they make me feel good about myself. I didn't realize this until I started to go to therapy months ago and let go of some toxic people because I soon got to the point where my inability to make them happy lead me into days long suicidal depression. My life has slowly getting better as I've move on from the stress of pleasing people. I no longer have weekly panic attacks due to drama or guilt because ""I'm being a terrible friend for crying in front of everyone and that makes them uncomfortable"". I still get them with my dad. For the most part, I don't think of him often, and what I do I try to recognize it, and then let it go. I think my silver lining is that, after realizing that I still have things to do on this Earth, I'm going back to college to get my Masters along with eating an exercising properly. I'm happy to report that I just got accepted into University and I've lost 72 pounds in October. I was hoping to get some perspective as to how it build up your self-esteem after abuse. Also, I would like to not be so much of a people pleaser, as I don't want to feel obligated to put others before myself because of my insecurities. So advice on that would be helpful.",6.571401641836424,5.92674637529138,7.5827161244552554,73.91982669504411,65.43356643356643,10.258072362420187,31.705786966656532,9.653516015845867,2.8354383500557416,1701,56,322,30,23,578,207,429,0.242,0.632,0.126,-0.996,0,2,0,0,2,0,43.0,0,1,4,6,17,33,4,6,14,0,37,3,0,10,1,74,79,31,1,13,13,2,6,4,2,5,2,0,0,0,22,20,1,1,12,2,0,13,12,16,0,1,11,6,51,17,60,50,11,48,0,3,0,0,18,14,0,9,25,236,73,4,0.0,0.32574753613315266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716469486450037,0.060927297029904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496543017108866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781932476393573,0.0,0.05285112177395022,0.0573888445908784,0.2932912572146253,0.0,0.05848637465414214,0.0,0.07213061638998937,0.060788393435369875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007745983694381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975476613857052,0.0,0.07549952650044467,0.044326836687023384,0.0,0.05919928204681301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033060223765887,0.05741726227620352,0.15462983301473315,0.0,0.07101914244202245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313538770755573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737663222264507,0.09820515702666244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058463908899404164,0.0,0.0,0.10620526244339264,0.0,0.215459659551059,0.0,0.23437390089702195,0.1152992768252563,0.1099434676907958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195013715006824,0.061570903298106085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04607000858668815,0.0,0.0,0.06826697389691541,0.0,0.07930818465771572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056746721165905,0.048547863437023456,0.13431709342169112,0.0,0.0,0.060826182338490575,0.0,0.0,0.07502974505812895,0.0,0.0,0.06503644183244396,0.2752772391790648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486170036608378,0.07305186942483431,0.050526364679099794,0.050964347155604516,0.053010813319380866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064288918059864,0.0,0.07443070079316279,0.0,0.2382526303814435,0.0,0.0,0.150895495254418,0.06497451717323159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576780941790299,0.08034472364857312,0.20728572154201266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806371875991065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170308501806888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725831485083244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797829243653561,0.0,0.04864928342767919,0.0,0.10977987587235316,0.0,0.0787329536046159,0.0,0.0,0.07518230151240897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860171074577296,0.0,0.04566288100603076,0.08808214119904585,0.0,0.0,0.040078527989265485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999475773469305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162079329833216,0.0,0.05513314060105574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004438474271614,0.1953026494862229,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Little_Dodobird,2019/07/31,"Talking about past traumas to your partner I would like to know if you might have some advice for this. I've never talked about what happened whit him but he knows that there is something wrorng because I often panick with him. He has a lot of respect for my silence but I really feel the need to talk. I've never done this and even if I want to do it, when he ask me if I want to explain him what happened I just say that I don't know what to say. How do you open up to someone? Are there some things that make it easier?",2.8199324324324344,3.6792047207207226,3.747376126126128,92.90863175675678,73.86486486486487,6.270720720720721,23.78490990990991,5.985473137389443,0.3391342342342334,408,11,93,2,8,131,71,111,0.019,0.863,0.11800000000000001,0.8677,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,0,9,3,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,2,2,27,22,8,0,7,6,0,1,1,1,2,0,2,0,1,11,3,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,15,2,14,19,3,6,0,0,0,0,17,2,0,8,5,70,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284798344562836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17492857798355954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140644225407775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148504573620026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358861947028693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461167559524837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309328344915629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085028447802562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141562291015176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907967451767546,0.0,0.0,0.1249016520110669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850093386416692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874444190992075,0.2886314107677007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862377936284182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987155917597565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976049479978547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854312107907864,0.14405134873959313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4511912307575929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243118237507758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22073220506221133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292212408687265,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hazardzending,2019/07/31,"Have no idea if this is pats. I had a bad shroom trip (I was young and regret it and stay off of drugs for good) it’s was bad but didn’t feel anything about it than like 4-5 months later, I did weed and felt like I was going back to my bad shroom trip but continued to smoke like 4 time is the course of 3 months. I fainted one time because it felt like I was back in the shroom trip. Know I have developed derealization from a panic attack I had last time I did weed, and since it feels like I’m constantly on the comedown of a high my mind sometimes drift off to the shroom trip and how is kinda feels like it. The shroom trip wasn’t scary,I wasn’t screaming or panicking during the trip but it was just disturbing in general. When ever I talk about it or write about it gets my anxiety spike and feel panicky. Is this considered ptsd or just a traumatic experience and I’m reliving it because of my dissociative state?",3.89963967611336,4.672969878947368,4.766842105263162,86.91827935222675,71.26315789473685,8.582995951417004,25.668016194331983,8.841846274778883,1.5552712550607288,727,21,161,13,13,236,95,190,0.215,0.693,0.092,-0.9779,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,10,15,1,2,10,0,18,2,0,1,1,31,29,16,0,2,9,0,6,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,12,7,0,0,8,0,0,8,4,8,0,1,14,7,14,7,18,15,0,30,0,1,0,0,2,6,0,5,20,95,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477067660011632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270280821288307,0.0,0.0,0.15580679252358384,0.0,0.21062084037874884,0.34305667326593786,0.16697375300078054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480003739017094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588250419490394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238842017061588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396887885031972,0.0,0.0,0.2769955118333832,0.19568224862804706,0.26299775085094856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155366029324702,0.0,0.07783503659725438,0.11487187861340264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447011349042482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460622787817002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526722860782377,0.11163711182906766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014575965110074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828613739780585,0.0,0.2186333430184074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280467446826883,0.0,0.0,0.16068791465236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009379410373864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329110646445648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354526129240316,0.0,0.0,0.14597647141019782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007974184311474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395797751185001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,n_cole921,2019/07/31,Books on PTSD Anyone recommend some good books on understanding PTSD?,8.904545454545458,12.512294000000004,6.936363636363637,64.9245454545455,63.54545454545455,11.672727272727276,29.181818181818183,11.20814326018867,4.462381818181818,58,2,8,2,1,17,8,11,0.0,0.625,0.375,0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512994895018469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014460526327126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8402342307986871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741460695001429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cherberrylemon,2019/07/31,"I Dont Know How to Title This (NSFW/TRIGGER WARNING) I need advice? Or something of the likes I’m 16F and I’ve dealt with a past full of sexual abuse and rape, sex makes me feel uncomfortable and causes bad anxiety and flashbacks, but at the same time I have a really high sex drive, and my partner seems to have one equally as high? I don’t know how to bring it up, and I don’t want her to blame herself or anything like that, and I’m not sure if there’s any ways I could ease back into being comfortable with it or not? I’m not even sure if this is the right place to post this as I’m completely new to Reddit",1.6615909090909111,3.0703213712121236,3.3930303030303044,92.10954545454544,77.71212121212122,6.618181818181819,21.090909090909093,7.348242739294969,0.4402636363636354,479,12,111,6,11,160,85,132,0.14400000000000002,0.75,0.106,-0.4724,0,0,1,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,5,0,8,3,0,4,2,33,20,17,0,5,9,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,10,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,0,1,10,5,15,18,3,16,0,0,0,3,3,8,0,6,6,69,16,0,0.0,0.21778719710704386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961898730199716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499848284993832,0.0,0.14061569900960127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126163800284165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134010420151538,0.1534753663162042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888255870564558,0.0,0.0,0.19272341515440872,0.0,0.0,0.1467589481732116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542632893590152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140611153037888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294088475641814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884150010733229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202036567991255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17960254525405092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269595662916065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629429037182295,0.0,0.177526802938016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455578789017413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754693803705502,0.0,0.0,0.1920444478272992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17604111336937284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775469250336408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569744683674345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673355676334879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150748010730205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34648132386575314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071822722415366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841709706358564,0.14590143281250567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nottrynnaexist,2019/07/31,"Is this a symptom of PTSD? TW: sexual assault and abuse I’ll try to make this as short and concise as possible. I just want to know if other people with similar traumatic experiences have felt this way when navigating their romantic lives. I am a 21F. Diagnosed with depression and anxiety during my early high school years. Have been on antidepressants consistently since then and have been seeing therapists off and on. I didn’t realize until a few years ago that all the sexual assaults I have experienced from boys my age (age 12 - present) and from my mother (between ages 6ish and 12ish) could be affecting my self esteem and ability to form intimate/ romantic relationships with men in the present. I have also been through EMDR therapy to try to process these traumas. I did it for about a month until one day a “memory” (I put quotations because I don’t know if it’s real or not) of my dad sexually abusing me as a child came up, after that I discontinued EMDR. So my issue specifically is that I have a pattern of only being interested in dating men who are narcissistic/or avoidant/ emotionally unavailable/ or abusive, which obviously makes them a terrible partner and I end up miserable. But for some reason I get so incredibly attached to these men and continue to try with them even when it’s clear they are trash romantic partners. Whenever I begin to like a man who is emotionally available, genuinely kind and into me, I get this overwhelming feeling of fear and anxiety. It’s such an intense feeling that takes over my whole body and I’ve never felt it besides in these situations. This in turn makes me become increasingly distant and closed off from them. It gets to the point where I have to discontinue seeing the nice man I am talking to because the feeling of terror and anxiety about the relationship takes over my life. I’ve tried my best to describe it to my therapist in hopes she can provide some explanation but she just says my fear of rejection is greater than my desire to be in a relationship and that I will grow out of it / mature at some point and it won’t be a problem anymore. I can’t help but think this feeling is somehow connected to all the trauma I have endured from not only males around my age since I was in 7th grade, but from my mother (and possibly father). Please let me know if you have similar experiences / feelings and if you have found anything to help you become vulnerable with GOOD and HEALTHY romantic partners. Thankful for all of you!",8.192327586206893,7.999927474137932,8.610900000000004,66.3841,61.97413793103448,12.337793103448277,38.81862068965517,11.75515770905806,4.829654413793104,2004,94,341,57,25,667,238,464,0.10099999999999999,0.7609999999999999,0.138,0.9455,0,1,0,0,1,0,40.0,0,4,5,1,14,22,2,6,19,0,36,4,1,5,6,79,64,41,0,9,14,4,7,1,3,2,3,1,0,12,27,30,0,1,14,0,0,4,7,14,0,1,10,11,49,8,67,46,12,53,0,4,2,0,36,25,0,11,24,255,76,2,0.0,0.29658405272953986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396347445218662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667259896367533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914913936339734,0.0,0.08274888309082487,0.0,0.0,0.06866303470744041,0.07427823476805359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172705347206794,0.18430322984243155,0.0,0.0,0.08756388782458123,0.0,0.0,0.0926817127345529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543177518635812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661910372711533,0.0,0.0,0.053811132491857226,0.0,0.07186572847812651,0.08468864012432163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877148710227154,0.07390202350284619,0.0,0.0,0.05511054990392992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16323834204452192,0.0,0.18778372687984984,0.2109458577874937,0.0,0.16022869333075948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148635314278727,0.0,0.0,0.13078000995891784,0.0,0.0,0.0699845186931139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185455679877207,0.08815768839911363,0.0,0.08287356941625595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708844402726201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688868516539414,0.1375673706498049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853218407573144,0.058935302107200466,0.040763990001522594,0.0,0.07367800168210867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16708816934137108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660006550821954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435315741502932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565402999718603,0.12691795631886413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057845967897558415,0.0,0.0,0.09159076187740886,0.15775329861184384,0.1881294523844352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983967661112262,0.0975355087889839,0.08387905430987562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497163773558527,0.0,0.08578899779814231,0.0,0.2687461813072173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635389410687363,0.0,0.08444453464040842,0.13297986424819838,0.0,0.08704488062672322,0.0,0.0,0.13804289881614668,0.09378872320372064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867248761917507,0.12547120850498328,0.06706495831481743,0.0,0.07681924983383356,0.09541955589774014,0.19375778885795436,0.0,0.05346422308109233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226597911323018,0.090757469881568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04921437448943311,0.0662298470209754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315645637547756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746372149894004 ptsd,DamnStraightEye,2019/07/31,"I dont think I have PTSD but I have been told by a few people that I do, not by a doctor. Came here to ask people who would know. I was in a gas explosion & I'll have a dream about getting burnt every now and then. Also, hearing fires light can make me jump a little. Things like hearing a grill light up, my friend turned on his torch & the sound made me jump.. Stuff like that. I dont feel like I have PTSD because that seems way more extreme but I wouldn't know. Thanks in advance :)",0.84375,2.6687251057692367,1.854461538461539,100.29053846153843,81.59615384615384,4.544615384615385,17.130769230769232,4.935628992294339,-0.9383315384615384,377,7,91,1,10,118,69,104,0.03,0.7809999999999999,0.188,0.945,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,7,0,12,1,0,2,0,14,27,5,0,2,3,0,2,3,1,2,1,3,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,1,0,4,4,0,0,0,5,7,12,5,8,20,2,12,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,5,55,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337053940867485,0.0,0.3343053352412849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422264931183604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404222798062037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17644503506896594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579030033649193,0.0,0.0,0.3616091501663812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998005169443766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800410125932153,0.11021130151607253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918946576873225,0.0,0.08060028014239991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34774947362881586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956671919983365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22610719431732235,0.15462016625464134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597504076862208,0.10297715424265363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21390430628271492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606693103033004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044261141023034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660349541711556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203209784616902,0.0,0.0,0.10249086094902056,0.0988506888618254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474126429811521,0.0,0.0,0.16780265194430788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224532149528614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958976005491276,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,justathroaway1999,2019/07/31,"Repressed memory 20F (TRIGGER WARNING) I have sucessfully repressed this memory but now it is affecting me daily. I have not told anyone about it my whole life, but i recently told my significant other about it. When I was 16 my family & I went to a party my uncle and his friends were throwing. There was a lot of people, most of which I did not know at all. Everyone was drinking, and my father even allowed me to. I was only allowed a few beers, but it turned into me sneaking more alcohol because, well I could and I was having a ton of fun with everyone. I ended up very drunk and got sent to bed. I dont remember much from this point forward. I pretty much blacked out and was in and out of it. All I remember is having my head pushed down on some mans genitalia. I don't know who it was. I don't want to know either. I just want to forget. If the memory crosses my mind I zone out, disassociate, and either cry or feel horriblely depressed until i can supress it enough to shift my attention to other things. The memore makes me feel gross, and i blame myself for sneaking alcohol. Idk. I dont know how posting this will help me, but I'm just looking for advice I suppose. I see a psychiatrist and therapist for depression and anxiety but I dont really feel comfortable telling them. Saying it outloud just makes it worse.",2.8323791348600484,4.963430450381684,4.746125954198477,80.4790108142494,76.55725190839695,8.183460559796439,26.56552162849873,8.959647251330699,2.3675567430025453,1046,41,197,25,24,357,147,262,0.161,0.747,0.092,-0.9448,2,0,4,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,0,12,9,0,2,7,0,23,7,1,7,2,59,43,20,0,4,14,1,3,0,1,1,3,1,1,1,17,15,5,2,11,3,0,6,7,5,1,0,14,7,39,4,28,27,14,22,0,2,3,0,12,11,0,5,6,156,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285635677111742,0.0,0.24684926737950386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251343263005383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835021137473686,0.0,0.0,0.08075391251127938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040217191665862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221007457603976,0.0,0.1268613148019845,0.0,0.0,0.19894426108084226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40606337339056814,0.11313710005273606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229064513433328,0.11933295748883045,0.0,0.0762806407210724,0.0,0.0,0.2207129808959174,0.0,0.0,0.1088745285220126,0.0,0.17518698562293378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922797173025494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236861151083983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185269677511842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741110617709045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538830815218573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157462797348422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698325678470088,0.0,0.0,0.09818622094751492,0.0,0.0,0.15418212588441801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11661287170954937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169798178941358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783602272059401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006683841929302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917621684914457,0.0,0.1106083437793537,0.11749575038229118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398641863117285,0.0,0.11403331660986595,0.0,0.2616573195737741,0.0,0.0,0.0918429876971628,0.0,0.0,0.09203128317115968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094412448488617,0.0,0.0,0.13409381964567427,0.07672701261295341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207129808959174,0.0,0.0,0.1256209194946857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529207580744474,0.13623903319001554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384017605592673,0.10706120800873828,0.0,0.12894144935975912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769507909304172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hyene,2019/07/31,"repeating memories of traumatic events like a broken record it's almost like... if i keep repeating traumatic stories over and over and over and over again i can finally make sense of the injustice. can't cope with the fact that my community not only doesn't care about me, but has been instrumental in aiding and abetting the abuse i experienced in foster care and now as an adult seeking help. my community are partly responsible for what happened to me. a healthy local community is supposed to support and protect victims of child abuse, not take them away from their parents, place them under the care of orthodox religious assholes, and abuse them much more violently than they were in the first place. all these people defending the Abrahamic religion the past few years, a religion that violently abuses children, Christianity, Islam and Judaism...... so very abusive to children. and so many people defending these religions instead of defending the children being abused by these religions... is extremely triggering too. don't think i want to live in a world that is ruled by a religion that sexually abuses children and has billions of people defending it. having a very difficult time with the resurgence of orthodox Abrahamic ideology in Canada the past few years. just one violent, child abusing religion replacing another. so many people defending orthodox religion, so few people defending the children abused by these religions. it never ends. can't live in a world like this.",9.603886693017127,10.658998031620555,9.317644268774707,58.30110408432151,58.80237154150198,13.703188405797102,42.9536231884058,12.913307274991677,6.522418919631092,1214,66,168,44,15,393,137,253,0.266,0.644,0.09,-0.9966,1,0,0,0,7,0,33.0,0,0,5,1,10,12,4,0,19,0,15,0,0,2,3,26,25,17,0,2,5,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,8,13,12,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,2,1,13,7,33,22,7,31,5,0,0,0,15,17,0,2,17,127,26,0,0.0,0.8118036098884178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623218384672474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982788086205254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152568946427844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328557284689641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742768635684619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339558429512865,0.0,0.06475527760086316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732061193934333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05102765537347683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766694171714296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157833313063836,0.0,0.13444658084711522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0508166900908366,0.15436568815761995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05596356508743295,0.0,0.058715368112839735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05158697194370827,0.057899525250419484,0.0,0.0,0.08453223100003222,0.08244027439528875,0.14534746486669742,0.2638912708699069,0.0,0.15907717673862298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08639027247730201,0.0,0.0,0.05723952398652951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878038102820706,0.0,0.0,0.044391424635058935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562877458440375,0.04490284907008082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804914350810613 ptsd,nervouscloset,2019/07/31,"I’m struggling with feeling detached and how it’s affecting my relationship, I need advice on how to cope Sorry for the throw away I just don’t want to post this on my account people in my family know, I also hope this doesn’t fall under medical advice I saw a my therapist a while back and they told me feeling detached was a normal symptom of ptsd, something I hadn’t known in the past 5 or 6 years I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd lol. And to be frank I’ve struggled with feeling very detached for even longer it’s a feeling I’ve become accustomed to from a young age.. part of me feels comforted in the sense of being detached from feeling all the range of emotions that sometimes I feel too strongly like the pain from my abuse or loneliness or even forming relationships with people because all of them have ended with people leaving me or hurting me but the other part of me feels terrified I’ll never find that happiness in relationships and part of me worries that it’s going to affect the relationship I’m in now with my boyfriend, because he’s the one person I’m able to have a good relationship with but lately the detachment has gotten worse and I find myself feeling detached from him and I know I love him but I can’t help this feeling.. I used to be able to manage it by creating characters that felt like I do and they don’t have relationships but they’re still I guess somewhat happy how they are or some variation on that as an outlet but that isn’t exactly working for me anymore and my boyfriend used to help me indulge in that a bit but he’s gotten bored of the characters and wants to do new things (which I think is somewhat fair it’s ok to move on to new stories) So I guess tldr; I feel very detached from life/people/my emotions and I’m worried it’s going to affect my romantic relationship and my real question is, do any of you feel this way? How do you cope?",4.15300226159065,5.501704110817947,5.225076328684512,81.7099703166227,71.21635883905012,7.947267244628723,29.63070109310215,8.418075326091056,2.198910214851112,1514,61,290,24,28,499,171,379,0.115,0.745,0.14,0.875,0,0,1,0,1,0,17.0,0,2,4,2,13,15,0,2,18,2,22,5,0,9,4,74,57,30,0,5,12,0,13,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,20,18,0,0,20,0,1,5,7,5,0,1,8,15,42,10,51,46,10,32,0,1,1,1,23,12,0,12,15,200,62,2,0.13939578314471118,0.08258060442966993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362159459828448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557373787092581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04739695631174353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912158005762996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548346344651962,0.053593376425046815,0.0,0.08497437558013395,0.07697584535643076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609204600135959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707418928168491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680149387832618,0.061731644502875826,0.0,0.0,0.0920696000941402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570496922091687,0.0,0.42289617799567536,0.0,0.06692090599842518,0.0,0.12740522042672753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922183593822253,0.05845928465682389,0.0,0.0,0.15356017075345088,0.0,0.0,0.14838940321160013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934340551048998,0.0,0.0,0.06922573271206417,0.0,0.0,0.07461303445428742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660827690166515,0.0,0.0786222575200879,0.07380000359403856,0.0,0.0,0.04922968202908775,0.06810173849152756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290506833141854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021329316906287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407782853472422,0.0,0.05168010346212428,0.05375531071932287,0.13462931599126685,0.0,0.0,0.06828913547733531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722909512503967,0.0,0.07416347069971982,0.0,0.0,0.2264280736887295,0.06653452398663079,0.14495922669990152,0.06085751054797909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675131384959024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294621093120099,0.0,0.0780775896728645,0.0,0.0,0.07933145941969051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5238061628865742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365684206329567,0.06893299693553251,0.07802108336482365,0.0,0.0,0.05566082624212003,0.0,0.0,0.1457267386122108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244279618972664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092462408002846,0.04630418216807918,0.04465959464205105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659932223491108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203932004175597,0.0,0.1150161198017869,0.08221924451895637,0.05532294216032182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050740895162557136,0.14156318421578962,0.07102810596969124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044883157037460084 ptsd,YoureARealCunt,2019/07/31,"Positive, happy parts of new relationship are the hardest My last relationship was super fucked up. But recently I've been hooking up with this guy I wasn't expecting to like but really, really like. We click. It's fun, it's easy, he's smart, and I'm excited. But I can't handle all these tingly feelings. How the fuck could he like me? he can't really like me, he's just pretending to and then he'll turn, right? What if everything he's saying is a lie, too? What if everyone is lying? When is he gonna lose it? What scary things am I going to learn about him? It's honestly fucking stressful and I don't enjoy it at all. I feel like a child who can't handle too much excitement.",0.3245390070921985,2.690468297872343,2.863581560283692,88.4841666666667,89.42553191489361,7.104964539007093,19.180851063829788,8.167268648758528,1.1839531914893608,534,16,114,14,18,184,88,141,0.235,0.575,0.18899999999999997,-0.8297,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,2,6,18,3,1,4,0,13,3,0,1,2,19,23,11,0,4,6,0,2,5,0,2,0,1,0,2,12,5,0,0,3,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,4,10,13,9,17,4,10,0,1,1,3,15,4,3,2,10,66,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930574069771333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475237173142173,0.14555229274222498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377590728362973,0.11569876203494794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491669005054551,0.0,0.0,0.09204122949715997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035824819003394,0.0,0.17240124460882236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201274746521785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956085886814212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18118320817163372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905358171589782,0.0,0.0,0.15641454939091234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17537856870030855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112523888521221,0.0,0.15990836723915866,0.3477523421905737,0.0,0.13830638714393495,0.0,0.12879097654648755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551582298139188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075939179428742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17615760660721694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RoseBudd2196,2019/07/31,Is this a symptom of PTSD I went through a very traumatic experience a couple months ago and sometimes I’ll just remember random things from that night and it makes me feel this heaviness and anxiousness that’s almost sickening. Is this a symptom of PTSD?,7.347801418439715,8.457217680851066,7.090212765957446,72.13333333333334,63.680851063829785,11.373049645390072,36.94326241134753,11.20814326018867,4.5391475177304965,209,10,35,6,3,66,34,47,0.19699999999999998,0.8029999999999999,0.0,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,1,0,9,5,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,4,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19119744235496064,0.0,0.21598381480298054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436699265368437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386584694420073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109876106033451,0.0,0.0,0.10906006994145387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439757072098003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216284497392145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20241179967210446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5042634883600222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443363484331234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21332434365410832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483719738485905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432958047462187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177968022261565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994812043711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Twinkies27,2019/07/31,"Former firefighter having ptsd blackouts please help Hey I’m 24 and a former firefighter. I moved to Ontario a year ago and now I’m starting to develop PTSD blackouts. Bells, sirens, alarms, flashing lights, fire (smell and sight), and talk about accidents and fires so far have been what triggers me.. please help",6.939727272727275,8.880895654545455,5.219772727272726,82.12965909090909,65.18181818181819,8.40909090909091,31.931818181818183,8.841846274778883,2.6923636363636363,251,10,42,4,4,72,40,55,0.114,0.7190000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.4939,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,6,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,3,5,0,8,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,6,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472324730101406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398477345123241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694433221040645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5565604802724827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5926843330321423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794372224549792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376348358750426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632535291314973 ptsd,icantgetintomyacct,2019/07/31,"My therapist thinks I have PTSD and I don’t know how to handle this. Like the title says, my therapist told me today she thinks I have PTSD. I never thought that my situation would warrant this, but the more she explained it and the more I’ve read about it, it makes sense. I guess I just don’t know what to expect. We’re going to start working on it next week but I could really use some encouragement right now. Thanks",1.6889281045751616,4.032431435294118,2.808627450980392,91.74771241830068,81.70588235294117,6.130718954248366,18.8562091503268,7.3871296695380915,0.3316405228758175,332,8,71,5,9,106,57,85,0.0,0.878,0.122,0.8715,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,3,1,20,19,5,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,8,2,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,13,3,5,15,3,9,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,7,46,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944412538030796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637595026262064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061945282248545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057331329647911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914443229038763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12494086496520745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436101339255847,0.0,0.19906289373034453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4375954640338479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872258006074901,0.0,0.11990919292922901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984655398676467,0.0,0.14884919063153362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21039270908129853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248353339023236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232572883018174,0.0,0.4346495475248146,0.0,0.2398685545281349,0.0,0.14859616012619653,0.0,0.0,0.17742015482404316,0.17885387546710516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165923129530785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501406137787545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362657372470414,0.0,0.0,0.13296385507339012,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ftrrnrst,2019/07/31,"What are your flashbacks like? (possibly triggering for sexual abuse, rape, trauma) Hi everyone, I'm pretty new to this sub and would like some insight into what others feel when they are experiencing flashbacks. BACKGROUND INFO (skip if you want) To give some background information on my experience, I was sexually abused/raped(?) by my step dad 4 years ago (and sexually abused by him multiple times over many years before) but I didn't get any medical help for that although I did tell my mum and boyfriend about it after the ""big happening"". I pushed that memory deep into my brain and just tried to forget about it and was doing alright until recently. My boyfriend (same boyfriend as mentioned above) and I got into a bit of a messy situation and he was quite mad at me for understandable reasons but suddenly decided he wanted to have sex with me while he was angry and I... felt vulnerable and scared. I didn't say 'no' but I was shaking and crying and I would've assumed that situation was in NO way a situation where sex could've arised from... after that experience I felt traumatised again which brought up past memories and I could not stop shaking so I went to a psychologist 2 days later and he prescribed me with medication to help me get through the day. This was a little over 2 months ago and I'm still taking medication. **NOW for the question.** Flashbacks are a major part of what people with PTSD have to go through, but I want to know what your flashback experiences are like. For me, personally, I feel like my flashbacks aren't as bad as what other people make theirs out to be so I feel quite confused about my PTSD. I end up doubting myself on whether I even have a mental illness but then I go through periods of ups and downs where I feel scared, anxious, and cry from fear when down. But it's not like I feel like the whole experience is happening again... It's just the feelings that come. It's also weird because I feel much better when my boyfriend is with me, (yes I'm still with him but I'm not here for advice on my relationship) and have these 'feelings' or 'experiences' when I'm not with him. The only times where I really think about what happened that day or with my step dad years ago is when I'm talking to my psychologist about it and I try to keep it repressed at other times. Why do I keep doubting my PTSD? But then while doubting my PTSD, I also worry that getting off these pills (diazepam, lexapro, valium...) will make me go insane. Are overwhelming feelings also a part of flashbacks? TL;DR my flashbacks don't really feel like the event is happening again but is rather an overwhelming sense of feelings of anxiety, fear, and crying - is this a part of flashbacks? what are your flashbacks like? &#x200B; Any feedback would be great. Sorry if I babbled, I've never posted about this online before. Feel free to PM me if you're uncomfortable with leaving a comment.",4.149720194647202,6.414572043795623,4.7752737226277375,81.16058698296838,73.08759124087592,7.705352798053527,27.84002433090024,8.536127082880203,2.1641768856447694,2312,90,422,43,48,739,239,548,0.17300000000000001,0.7340000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9935,0,0,0,0,3,0,78.0,0,4,2,3,31,30,2,13,18,2,36,9,1,4,1,100,82,53,0,10,22,3,14,8,0,3,5,1,0,1,31,32,0,4,24,0,1,11,11,18,0,0,15,16,58,13,70,61,10,78,0,2,0,3,29,24,0,13,49,291,89,1,0.0,0.14091082255610474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810777580965605,0.15813440634150286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426606150793841,0.0,0.06442948883695418,0.07225557109731186,0.08087545673308216,0.0,0.04548998764607296,0.06717767542909056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965016400639551,0.03624885420094495,0.0,0.10119939212643428,0.0,0.0,0.05259129583924622,0.06491955869104916,0.0,0.0,0.06638176777788161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512231851010917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495472818997562,0.0,0.19595605556492204,0.11504856355368565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052667674599363834,0.0,0.0,0.03927557557636289,0.0,0.0,0.056820638106329174,0.0,0.2908372285844588,0.0,0.1338276241107639,0.3608029313224155,0.1274438138824965,0.1141900083629062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320284725833757,0.057043525983918326,0.10138470900845953,0.0,0.04755899200615276,0.06555954433715462,0.0,0.0,0.2103361556667964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971526516735906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10570911327526962,0.0,0.0,0.03267999606981874,0.0,0.0,0.06296405362312403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232409826850192,0.059598799214384476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938569577359236,0.060287415099531436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17971192442503278,0.05992597674846058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047463796148262835,0.0,0.04371306498411343,0.0,0.045862494604709536,0.05743094213076284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04522524084851863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318196042295968,0.056765354093040385,0.08245004587720166,0.05192188849462767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703700596478487,0.05695031300756044,0.06049651891251536,0.0,0.0,0.2780420992712739,0.0,0.06661356779830331,0.12649509660394828,0.0,0.0,0.07618864102619717,0.06113915162369112,0.05871377196621878,0.06384234944241199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0472883574437833,0.11906817353774628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005209216467444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665653582314163,0.0,0.0,0.09497645196590024,0.04971477471143747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0447097147541223,0.04779511079840283,0.05197437452961385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038102289632628544,0.0,0.0,0.10402224519353162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074464333169838,0.0,0.0,0.0619043802220669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522066399660364,0.047199952942182134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055123954475153135,0.0536572355580864,0.06638971030373106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038883121912999,0.0,0.12672508891321785,0.0,0.07225557109731186,0.1148790800347609 ptsd,OCD1986,2019/06/06,"car accident I am 33 years old and I have been in 9 car accidents. 3 were my own fault, but the last one was not. I totaled my car in May 2014 and wouldn't you know that 5 years nearly right to the day my 2nd car was totaled! The last accident I was in I was rear ended, and it was not my fault. Now, every time I see a car turning out in front of me if it looks like it could remotely be a close call, I freak out. Is this normal? This seemed to just start right after the second totaled car.",0.9677777777777798,2.204181703703707,2.8566666666666687,95.955,79.18518518518519,6.2814814814814826,19.407407407407405,6.937597516519254,-0.03730370370370384,376,8,94,4,9,126,68,108,0.16,0.81,0.03,-0.9208,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,6,0,14,0,0,0,3,20,20,5,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,7,3,3,0,2,7,2,13,1,11,9,4,28,0,0,2,0,2,10,0,3,12,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401571673272468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877815485881222,0.0,0.0,0.1516792815465144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083101639134161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815927113828266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292552858993316,0.383425484725284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490285429944948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975019132115834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304380697994607,0.0,0.0,0.24679427529079306,0.0,0.15937207936394773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4017050970417703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874174481681085,0.2141098203225231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664699967237532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13714225478745473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558211877198226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30291167114426515 ptsd,basicdinosaurbitch,2019/06/06,"Isolating myself and breaking down all the time. Advice? First time poster here. I've been diagnosed with complex PTSD. Being abused from age 5-19 from my step dad really did a number. I won't get into the details of it but it was really really severe. It didn't just affect me though. My twin sister and I were subjected to it after my mom married the guy and then they had 4 more kids. I ended up turning him in when I turned 19. It was everything from emotional and physiological to physical and sexual abuse basically every other day for 14 yaers. Some of you might be asking why I didn't turn him in earlier. For one, he was a cop. Life long career cop that told me that he would find out if I tried to tell anyone before I could get help. Second he threatened to kill me and all of my siblings if he even caught an inkling of me trying to reach out for help. Even told me how he would do it. Anyways... Lately I've decided to quit using nicotine and I feel like my brain is literally breaking and falling apart. Things I used to be able to handle no problem are now causing panic attacks and melt down episodes. Night terrors are getting worse and I'm not finding enjoyment in the things that I used to. Like painting and exercising. I'm currently looking for a therapist again but the last couple have really burned me out. Even thinking about going through the process of finding a good therapist is exhausting to me. Any help or advice or knowing of someone that's been in this situation and what you did would be helpful.",3.2463346958999133,5.420474946488298,4.554306949089562,82.13461414591849,75.45484949832777,7.506552706552707,26.45868945868946,8.401726058763845,1.9778560881952187,1215,46,227,23,27,401,179,299,0.165,0.748,0.087,-0.9854,1,0,0,0,2,1,27.0,0,2,1,2,12,10,2,2,11,0,27,5,1,6,2,48,47,22,1,7,8,3,1,2,0,5,4,0,0,2,15,17,0,0,8,1,0,4,5,6,0,3,14,2,28,4,38,23,4,34,0,0,1,0,23,12,0,6,18,158,43,1,0.0941525590107836,0.2231107729747899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18400958196913872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640269687561532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583365841637646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801993301386958,0.10711212817950548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011689305453364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510539397681293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967206136200872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517315710665655,0.1041780157351388,0.0,0.06072061151508761,0.0,0.0,0.09556286550014796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590895629914372,0.08339122132347304,0.0,0.0,0.18656063175807075,0.0,0.07932759173315769,0.0,0.08461824904684094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047606362803717474,0.06726260696987463,0.0,0.0,0.25816119965529555,0.08008611859671548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757247823870626,0.0,0.05350906903240217,0.0789706994603393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322583606491668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252433902616649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416585668326556,0.0,0.05174378413018831,0.07674690196844207,0.106208187560973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650273685128556,0.091996369006429,0.0,0.0,0.08332205191629673,0.07906443664113395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988098630491707,0.0,0.11027033918183904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835579856235627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380021067308625,0.0,0.0,0.11046774169704937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009128339248007,0.11005930304474623,0.0,0.0,0.10014283597553568,0.0,0.0,0.2412661608654729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636559222174953,0.0,0.0,0.1058314211657033,0.0,0.0,0.07977515771323455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229348651744844,0.0,0.0,0.21863675563874305,0.12510155316535654,0.06032915810040301,0.09250441118944228,0.0,0.10980222862802144,0.0,0.0,0.17993360990815785,0.0,0.12784681446406376,0.30723284284742736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439527434279089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495804001348788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594950131013738,0.2006498296571195,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Deadfuckingghost666,2019/06/06,"Dissociation/memory loss is shitty I barely remember anything, its like my life lately has been on blackout after the next. Like my life is being recorded in disappearing ink, it makes me sad. Everything will just be a questionable memory, everything feels so not real. It’s like periods in my life where every second is restless agony, and then everything blacks out. Is there any way of coping with this? I’m at a loss, I just dont know what to do.",3.7199117647058837,6.1790597411764745,5.351397058823533,75.6200367647059,75.11764705882355,8.955882352941178,24.742647058823533,9.516144504307137,2.623852941176471,358,12,62,10,8,121,65,85,0.198,0.721,0.081,-0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,1,3,0,11,3,0,1,0,12,15,3,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,2,6,3,9,11,0,13,0,3,1,0,1,6,0,1,8,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600306496418313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645783685597699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23439197293648875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850392610379514,0.0,0.5392262719527985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112318885126396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099117039470084,0.0,0.2256024189993373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237859240874409,0.29312151723365554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334978295721496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269633653290868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22403952335425406,0.0,0.0,0.2276374364251393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22655469338223305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874626309655565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PetitePainter,2019/06/06,"Talking to someone who is connected to the trauma Heyo. I had a fucking wild year. I was very sick and then I had a traumatic breakup with someone I thought I would marry and the same week my friend committed suicide and my cat i had just adopted to get over the breakup fell out of a 5 story window, survived, and I had to walk a mile to the animal hospital to put her down. After that I was understandably messed around. My ex is moving back into town and I can’t talk to him without freaking out. How can I help this? I do love him, he’s great, but I can’t stop building massive walls between the two of us - and all other romantic prospects. I just freak. What do I do???",1.3829192546583826,3.5239786376811613,3.0470393374741214,90.77347826086958,81.46376811594203,5.971842650103519,25.799171842650104,7.1686216300943375,1.1920997929606625,524,22,111,7,14,173,90,138,0.127,0.7170000000000001,0.156,0.4818,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,1,0,0,1,5,8,1,0,9,0,15,3,0,1,2,23,20,9,1,1,4,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,5,11,0,1,2,0,0,4,3,5,0,1,7,0,21,3,19,12,2,19,0,0,0,2,12,9,1,0,6,84,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882301533373473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258752652258282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336125274888694,0.19547674177998015,0.11047085957681893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331179603231112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417265800907886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19083663221038533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22473170595006586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125598071069144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583119434181529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677680642580698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312856195079392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3399016529291622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678630642712211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065502446120596,0.2201208534674954,0.25434132000686643,0.0,0.0,0.17446359677441478,0.0,0.0,0.16960777101548075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20382464884666132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502038823276362,0.0,0.0,0.1361631226099581 ptsd,SecretZebra4238,2019/06/06,"My doc added Seroquel to my meds to help with my PTSD symptoms So I have PTSD, panic & anxiety disorder, depression, and narcolepsy w/ cataplexy. I've been taking Effexor, gabapentin, and lamotrigine, but I've had worsening overarousal, hypervigilance, nightmares, and insomnia. I'm currently doing an intensive outpatient therapy program while I'm on medical leave. This is the first time in my life I've ever had therapy and it's really hard because talking about it (especially in a group setting) triggers so many painful memories and emotions that I've suppressed for 15+ years. I've been sleeping even worse than normal, which has worsened my daytime sleepiness. My doctor had recommended Seroquel a while back, but I refused because I read that it can cause weight gain and other problems. Well, I finally surrendered because I felt like I was going to have a psychotic episode if I didn't start getting more sleep. Let me tell you, I only took 25mg last night and it mellowed me out. It was like somebody turned the volume down on the racing thoughts and anxiety about going to sleep. I was dead to the world! I'm still quite groggy today and dozing off randomly, but I forgot that I needed to take it earlier than 10pm. So we'll see how the rest of it goes. I will definitely need to keep a LOT of healthy snacks available, because I can already feel intense munchies in the making lol. Is anyone else taking it and do you have any advice? Thanks 😊",6.9100347297590625,7.771895675276756,7.129641849359668,72.33957673106144,64.5719557195572,10.361710440633818,37.71239418276536,10.328600350310266,4.1769329715650105,1172,59,196,27,17,379,175,271,0.145,0.738,0.11699999999999999,-0.8009,2,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,2,0,3,11,8,0,1,11,1,22,11,3,4,1,34,44,20,1,5,4,0,4,2,0,2,6,0,0,0,14,12,2,4,3,1,0,3,1,4,1,1,13,5,24,4,23,28,3,27,0,1,1,0,8,9,0,3,16,122,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056408819718398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929873198373367,0.0,0.0,0.11713385912457512,0.0,0.07351644818711517,0.0,0.16540307553883946,0.0,0.0,0.0755909085180712,0.11076836842706386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312758851454569,0.0,0.2636040271649917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105563980246654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311237667559898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389995599747232,0.11065206684867553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030950322194553,0.12160579283349532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140363550361789,0.09778894552280604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05466213335455079,0.0,0.10379964667159557,0.11842590372957135,0.0,0.09195573525814887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564814309815732,0.0,0.12287936716302265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684261264548172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246182461435309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609044403490052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812161112253733,0.0,0.11446967405976174,0.0,0.1105467034633702,0.07635915151080827,0.10563121176674314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190868175386616,0.0,0.0,0.07216224335398541,0.1096035016686799,0.0,0.0,0.12008247505215187,0.10890640097982816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031990001588567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145106996676932,0.1059218793933085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222022378341423,0.11503344044313007,0.1268402388335506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344377215261284,0.2527425304363329,0.0,0.0,0.11498507199903504,0.10813622740121727,0.0,0.06925609457681124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614726012216621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32455513704480765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651867128952627,0.0,0.08633436758188981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236453745221243,0.2438489668649468,0.086892289170119,0.09449025863988983,0.09953037529762092,0.24725948846877596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858248601967054,0.06303804481596625,0.0,0.10247276895257336,0.0,0.12011082379583828,0.0,0.11758934196720736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316451678533717,0.0972011510606077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017024042651333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961734561847878 ptsd,Lilslippy,2019/06/06,Even Xanax isn’t working tonight I just want them to stop. It keeps playing in my head and I’m helpless to stop it. Some nights I’m afraid I’ll OD just to make them end. There has to be a better way to live. I’m so fucking depressed rn.,-1.7658018867924523,0.14625909433962647,0.1295990566037748,105.93326650943396,99.56603773584905,2.6500000000000004,17.94575471698113,3.1291,-1.1988094339622646,184,6,47,0,8,59,39,53,0.2,0.693,0.107,-0.7408,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,2,5,6,1,1,1,0,3,3,1,1,0,9,10,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,2,6,9,1,7,0,2,0,1,2,1,1,1,5,23,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25689337849914584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501777512165812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257266466810036,0.0,0.0,0.19184990864554846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268530933671642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981016902866265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581793319035105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25648660585931016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388816406159695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725824584118222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4856847975749791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132424311324576,0.23055821657981146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21146254771556247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dank-cabbage,2019/06/06,"I guess there could be someone who can relate? Well I’ll try and keep it to the point, I’m a veteran who was diagnosed with PTSD in 2012 post Afghanistan , I also received a moderate traumatic brain injury and suffered hearing loss for which I use hearing aids and also severe tinnitus. Been self medicating over the years, a lot of dark spots, a lot of violence, confusion and no understanding of how I am still here. There has been some extremely low parts for me, but there is also a big positive, I’m married with two lovely kids. Which is the main thing pushing me on, trying to get control of my conditions. Apart from the endless list of medication, (sertraline, mirtazapine, olanzapine, pregablin and diazepam) There hasn’t been much in the way of actually receiving help. I hold it down until I explode, reach out for help just to get knocked down. I live in a place where I can’t talk about my background because the military is not respected or wanted, in fact hated. I can’t hold down a job, I can’t remember large sections of my life. I can’t drive, move around too quickly or do things that are considered normal activities. My hearing, memory and balance are getting progressively worse, I have near constant pins and needles in my hands and feet, my grip is getting weaker by the day. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but it’s right in front of me, my family and I want to get as well as I can, to be the man I know I can be for them. I’m not sure how I’ve managed to achieve certain things whilst these ailments have been holding me back and weighing me down but some how I have. This has been going on pretty much my whole adult life, im 26 now.",4.961186487228783,5.787601637462237,5.749630595990117,80.6381838780555,68.87915407854985,9.160175775885746,31.359653941224927,9.339509955726095,2.6881528700906343,1326,54,262,26,22,434,190,331,0.114,0.795,0.091,-0.5378,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,1,4,23,11,1,1,18,0,31,10,3,5,3,47,53,24,0,4,8,0,3,0,0,0,5,3,0,4,14,14,1,5,3,0,0,7,8,5,2,1,6,8,31,6,45,43,10,44,0,3,1,1,16,25,0,8,10,188,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.10389176296295438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25541338088358506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477394126562573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186287061860067,0.0,0.06489837716925305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11884703937203135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504783133932088,0.11940642504380768,0.08500141452631484,0.0,0.0,0.06865932027255849,0.0,0.0,0.1080569056342222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429392145277514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036309994115768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27811056229478426,0.0,0.06050492932320465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728013076523565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536923193648426,0.10510939483635734,0.0,0.0,0.3599719559699742,0.0,0.14271875508946227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499745952765515,0.0,0.1056473194546845,0.09462850695273704,0.0,0.0,0.05850884828170694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039481963515944,0.0,0.0,0.09400808494969863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810207334915377,0.09608630419602553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21449895930492685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131524844590852,0.15652395316203446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431036510744172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528820249347473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123035372248044,0.0,0.10064120333354942,0.0,0.1019613716059286,0.10831034492971432,0.0,0.0,0.12444863034434643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120600934264476,0.09091814858198707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483660040605923,0.0,0.11106330716866393,0.120271997928065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902050879686193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502086117965843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033937624293728,0.0,0.0,0.0855702944497519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21218629204451755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456170913123012,0.0,0.1039981129706699,0.11083091878738102,0.0,0.09194917027597352,0.0,0.0,0.12558834366085636,0.08450474962413784,0.0,0.0,0.19144463096896505,0.0,0.0,0.11886125932600278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849409082133628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855817495750774 ptsd,jaystaylv,2019/06/06,"My gf was a former camgirl and I’ve been traumatized ever since We’ve been in a relationship for about a year and a half now, and she continued with this job during the first six months of our relationship. We never feel comfortable talking about it since we promised each other that we’d no longer allow it to affect our relationship. I love and care for her and I know that she feels the same towards me. I just can’t seem to shake this experience. During the times of when she worked, it put me in a dark place in my life. I would constantly abuse Xanax to the point where I had experienced several seizures due to excessive use. Whenever I’d get that call from her telling me that she was going to work I’d pop about 3-4 bars basically every night. But Xanax was the only thing that kept me relaxed during this period of time. The fact that she pleasured herself in front of thousands of people on the internet just mortifies me everyday. Some guy even video’d a few of her shows and posted it on Pornhub where it received tens and thousands of views. Thankfully, the account was banned and the videos were removed, but of course I watched it. Watching it just made it worse. I have flashbacks of the things that she did in those videos. She quit for the sake of our relationship and hasn’t worked in over a year, but I can’t seem to shake this experience off. It continues to affect me every single day of my life to the point where I can’t even focus on daily tasks. Everything triggers me—from music, certain locations, people, sexual innuendos. I commonly have flashbacks to how I felt during the times when she worked, and it would damper my mood for the rest of the day. I try to avoid these triggers as much as possible but it seems as though the more I avoid them, the worse it gets for me long-term. These trigger constantly haunt me and happen every so often to where I feel emotionless and can never seem to find peace in my mind. I don’t know what to do. I cannot criticize her because her reasons behind this work are completely justifiable. She needed to provide for her son. She would always tell me that she was depressed during this time and that she hated her life and her work. I was always a positive for her and her life as she was always grateful for me being by her side during these rough times. Now she is pregnant with my daughter and I always have this fear for the sake of my child. I never want her ever knowing about her mother’s past. I’ve tried everything from taking to a therapist, meditation, mindfulness, and medication, yet nothing has availed. Do I just shrug it off and wait for time to heal the wounds? What can I do to overcome this?",5.500885746606334,6.338109959615388,5.7373981900452495,81.16877828054301,67.67307692307692,9.040723981900454,28.94796380090498,9.168548406835145,2.2699841628959274,2129,71,413,38,34,677,234,520,0.091,0.848,0.061,-0.9501,1,2,0,0,1,0,45.0,6,0,1,8,25,16,1,5,28,0,34,11,0,10,7,75,60,31,0,5,8,3,5,0,1,3,9,0,0,2,39,23,1,5,13,5,1,7,10,7,0,6,15,9,73,8,68,40,8,63,0,1,3,1,51,22,0,6,33,302,112,7,0.0,0.08760516283256857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24609138791681875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04507229064685128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549958808477039,0.0,0.07538534108695526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752322629852436,0.15980274141192302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536857388187978,0.0,0.06368321682300995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767150971928124,0.13376341240475173,0.18688940470886325,0.0,0.13290251093689615,0.14465229742176766,0.0,0.08320149289492121,0.11215674912543787,0.0,0.07099266113858457,0.0,0.06757855042529004,0.06289214426312274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725974449572838,0.0,0.042021016225266924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321084894087294,0.0653836690202753,0.0,0.0,0.07299907024521789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337266194043249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190417989750665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20890010869449607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543334352120862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673248267226084,0.06996250095292454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744853712753482,0.0,0.0,0.1493138380184862,0.0,0.059017093432476936,0.0,0.05435338615412834,0.05482454276366073,0.17107804361103615,0.0,0.0,0.06938637715294428,0.0,0.07094609084623127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056233645036017285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705827699868717,0.10251944547054344,0.0,0.07725011087190824,0.0,0.1397917718610592,0.0833546737833363,0.07081275027553847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432872546683593,0.0,0.07864281347941281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602120598374884,0.0,0.31752958741203186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26924373599439416,0.0,0.08352958400105451,0.0,0.12232556522210974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055592633272338925,0.059429054321609824,0.12925120898999293,0.06807273852150518,0.0,0.08584842553111875,0.09824305469011713,0.0,0.07264430934401951,0.0,0.2586851900537404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039892605288966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06385921972451067,0.0,0.0,0.04361090811697959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229691340008428,0.0,0.1506995215677573,0.1575716023486262,0.0,0.0,0.0952280818931311 ptsd,rubyredstarfish,2019/06/06,Hearing my parents cry and talk about me when they think I can't hear them... So I guess I'm not as invisible as I wish I was...,1.4117241379310317,1.6230282758620689,3.899482758620693,92.9312931034483,76.58620689655173,7.179310344827586,24.84482758620689,7.1686216300943375,0.6266413793103442,96,3,26,1,2,34,24,29,0.11599999999999999,0.784,0.10099999999999999,-0.1027,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,8,5,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,8,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,17,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295040313616934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33045184886780604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6761781819005201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330822694515312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24110530764743096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922092889939156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3449518181480663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Gigameki,2019/06/06,"NSFW? Not sex repulsed, but porn repulsed Hello So some background issue, I have pretty bad ptsd after being assaulted as a kid, and becoming a teen prostitute, along with online grooming Something that more recently occurred is, I am in no way sex repulsed, but seeing porn, especially drawn stuff, makes me.. uncomfortable? Especially of series that are dear to me.. I can't help but feel gross when I see it... I wonder if it's because I used to be obsessed with it to get male attention until I started coping better and it played into my grooming. Does anyone else deal with this?",4.25663551401869,6.821797514018693,5.345616822429907,75.79506074766357,73.85981308411216,7.270654205607477,28.457009345794397,8.238735603445708,2.4329185046728967,462,19,73,8,10,152,82,107,0.193,0.628,0.179,-0.4270000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,1,2,0,7,4,0,2,0,18,15,10,0,1,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,3,10,3,13,13,2,8,0,0,2,4,5,2,0,3,5,52,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435206519930333,0.22618231161208005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431527689888644,0.13456587169488332,0.2437987136503372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952335797689068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22758139318233064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317797597891645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18440654574350016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161677160498194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153316673702044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14796266504273128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23040345680114266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473509382208251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22457997587566247,0.0,0.0,0.2580424835562037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21796192126047584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518149939404177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994251914997555,0.0,0.0,0.1562465006889216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527035334601471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065531049472376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752194090442902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393916824320724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DonkeySkinn,2019/06/06,"Unresolved Childhood PTSD from a near-death experience Hi there, So this might be a bit of lengthy ramble, but bear with me. As a kid I used to love horse riding, so so much. I went to a prestigious equestrian school twice a week and did everything from hacking, to showjumping, to novice dressage. I got decent enough that I was really comfortable in the saddle. I loved going cantering because of the thrill, and I had confidence dealing with horses that spooked or acted difficult. However, one day when I was twelve I fell from horse during a showjumping event. It was a horse hadn't ridden much and wasn't used to its mannerisms. I later discovered I'd broken my coccyx (tailbone) and was in pain for weeks afterwards but because I immediately got back on the horse after the fall and continued to ride for bit, I wasn't too shaken up about it. About a month later, my parents were looking into buying a horse for me and we thought we'd finally found a good beginner horse. The owners seemed to think this horse was a good match, however, upon riding the horse I discovered that it was extremely flighty. It didn't listen to me at all and would just bolt off in random directions at a full gallop no matter how hard I tried to pull it back. At this point, I started to panic. I didn't like feeling like I wasn't in control of the animal. Eventually it threw me off, hard. I was okay, but determined to see if I could control this horse, I got on again. This was a mistake. The second time it threw me off at a full gallop (around 60km/h) and I landed on my head. I had a bad concussion and couldn't see properly. I also had severe neckpain similar to a whiplash-type injury. I was also very very traumatised by what had happened. I felt paralysed by fear. After recovering from my physical injuries, I attempted to resume riding lessons but this failed. I couldn't be atop a horse for more than five minutes without breaking down in tears. Every moment I spent on horseback was pure terror, even with sound horses I'd known for years. Nothing seemed to help. My instructor began to get very frustrated with me, and this made me hate myself even more. Eventually my mum sent me to therapy where I was diagnosed with PTSD. Though the therapy was useful and I found myself unwilling to get on a horse again. My experienced had permanently turned me off horses. So now I'm in my twenties, and considering revisiting the possibility of riding in a controlled environment with very sound horses. Although I don't think I still have PTSD (in that I no longer have nightmares or flashbacks) I am still suffering from a kind of trauma that I wish to heal. On the one hand I'm terrified of getting on a horse again, on the other hand I don't think there's any other way to put this behind me. What should I do? TL;DR: Had PTSD from falling off a horse and now almost a decade later I'm considering riding again.",5.040525134649911,6.427786766606822,5.792994165170557,78.33164564631959,69.12567324955117,9.017037701974868,29.00578994614004,9.3871,2.5934215798922806,2307,84,423,48,40,753,260,557,0.166,0.74,0.094,-0.9919,3,0,0,0,0,0,65.0,2,0,0,6,29,22,2,3,35,1,41,8,3,8,2,65,82,31,0,8,9,2,6,2,0,3,3,3,0,1,25,22,0,3,12,1,2,18,13,12,0,5,40,13,58,10,83,33,10,87,0,2,3,2,13,36,0,9,33,303,83,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812224230373075,0.0,0.0,0.1297312275118837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515926174716459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220729603512513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474096685449093,0.06772552521729787,0.09889081892934022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710762077886202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729236000896815,0.06476170791403119,0.0,0.0,0.0523108335296091,0.08362339596740631,0.0,0.08232745066390743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381086527629016,0.0,0.10714804421504914,0.0,0.06834075517218577,0.0,0.07289865877514151,0.07934356090380118,0.0,0.09127408048760036,0.041012902496159034,0.057946765491555675,0.07788069229690042,0.08885474723748715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787127562154756,0.0,0.0,0.12713375491580284,0.0,0.046098086508612336,0.13606658464433086,0.19461915847893704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172749022987204,0.0,0.14532168381136834,0.08008177234868735,0.08324479619749216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054367979535779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446615662625828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925491236576282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811404694465249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641434384495608,0.07675058128050549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604751363664102,0.0,0.0,0.06474320049645345,0.0,0.1192539982154182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778296035427845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992781911771528,0.0,0.08630938800157598,0.0951680080637915,0.09006580003502034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667750296539115,0.09144212368312353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792645519406847,0.08154043677279807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051962725928022285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209015104315368,0.12927227544467973,0.14768349445947654,0.0,0.09163400448639562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057411824459495164,0.0,0.1295530482404348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18551835922766471,0.0,0.0,0.1559207887220055,0.07969259092990284,0.06439424162542158,0.04729733413104132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055070043448580144,0.08822707641883636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21016539577138305,0.0,0.2677051334504406,0.0,0.06438330400739996,0.1301270632194994,0.0,0.0,0.07519207325082095,0.0,0.0,0.09327533863090057,0.07818952754157976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057619972170020926,0.0,0.0,0.05223377194908491 ptsd,fellhound007,2019/06/06,"I have nightmares when I'm awake and I feel no one takes me seriously. Im 23 years old. Around 2009-2010 I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2. That alone was hard enough. But I had a fairly abusive childhood and things started getting worse family wise, I dont even know where to start. 2011 my dad attacked me. And my family brushed it under the rug. Every day I see the scar. Everyday I think of it. Ive always struggled, but I guess Im too good at hiding it because friends and family just brush me off. 2018 I was finally diagnosed with PTSD, but that was after seeing my husband attempt suicide twice,a severe car accident, and being in such a bad place, on top of the trauma already there. I snapped last month. I couldnt do it anymore. I quit my job. I dont sleep. I have nightmares. Im constantly angry and yelling and I dont know how to stop. Im just this aggressive mess and its like nightmares while Im awake. Vivid flashes in my head and I just stop and the world goes silent. I am in therapy, but my thoughts are so jumbled that its like word vomit and i cant focus. And i constantlt downplay and laugh like im ok and im not and i dont know how to stop. I dont know how to tell my friends. My husband although also has PTSD has it for different reasons (army vet) and doesn't understand. Im so frustrated and lost. I cant get out of my head.",0.323531490334652,2.605680053003536,2.29151215963417,93.45870245271256,87.69257950530034,5.449553107462067,22.811161920598632,6.923569853693429,0.7522064851382249,1057,41,231,15,34,351,156,283,0.213,0.6759999999999999,0.111,-0.9803,2,1,0,0,1,1,35.0,0,0,0,4,16,18,3,1,6,1,23,7,3,4,0,47,41,30,1,1,8,3,2,3,2,0,4,1,1,0,12,21,0,3,9,0,0,1,11,9,0,1,7,8,35,9,20,32,1,31,0,1,3,0,6,13,0,1,20,137,47,2,0.0,0.0859851095272549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516196818058565,0.08008422108629948,0.05803523292396419,0.06038512531556872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197121736998148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460383247085602,0.0,0.08256031701573477,0.0,0.0,0.0605939943106397,0.04423878368128527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842378108080797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680247719169213,0.0,0.0,0.1473166597418766,0.0,0.0758215501180966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252650462162734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498554019960889,0.0,0.04793265139496173,0.0,0.061144440250580384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20524125540000107,0.0,0.036694223817999264,0.0,0.0,0.0794982989250628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213679442638226,0.0,0.07583100559049727,0.0,0.0,0.06086935338894159,0.0,0.0,0.07994545566994836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500961973957181,0.0,0.1489581569429563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6271155560853106,0.0,0.07201580556744175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595331282830204,0.05915528581293241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636399703596612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922013376626906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057925709840530165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615135912148553,0.0,0.04917618301835319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758215501180966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16966390462669684,0.0,0.0,0.07718849793684611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461537096163619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565984165771667,0.0,0.0,0.08198489902728172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07262369827852141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273266256703953,0.0,0.0,0.1820185392921286,0.0,0.0758672673030148,0.0,0.07938121045266333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054564577089667665,0.0,0.0634305045627001,0.0,0.08299159266386294,0.0,0.04821313918431155,0.046500751154103834,0.0,0.05761349650917379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554927034070667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395634257580087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04673353023326147 ptsd,Turkishspaghetti,2019/06/06,"Having trouble with PTSD while unable to get any real support. Hi, I have recently been having to deal with PTSD/memories of past traumatic events. They come back due to mentions of r*pe and sexual assault sometimes they come back when I or my alters remember the past event, I have several friends who have been helping me but that's about it. My parents don't care about me at all and deny me any sort of counseling or doctors, without parental consent I can't join any support groups or anything, and lately, I have been having to deal with DID on top of it all. Not much gets through to me when I go through one of those episodes, I have had a history of self-harm and attempted suicide I am just waiting to turn 18 so I can live on my own and pursue the help I need. I came here to talk about it so i could get some advice maybe.",4.017499999999998,5.115235273809528,4.620000000000001,86.875,71.26190476190476,7.742857142857144,30.07142857142857,8.07648339933343,1.9591928571428576,658,27,135,9,12,210,104,168,0.129,0.7859999999999999,0.085,-0.8188,2,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,2,11,6,1,0,3,0,18,1,0,0,2,27,31,14,1,2,7,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,11,0,1,1,0,0,4,4,2,0,1,6,0,21,4,25,24,5,20,0,0,0,0,14,4,0,5,12,98,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269600506317486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650579532246945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691623145159818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19980679164559004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859823494745591,0.13246599075588456,0.0,0.0,0.2238357288104408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373359615598912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678915015024142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298253240029073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037881899392127,0.0,0.2036394964712332,0.0,0.07383869949501748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417039218509156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14655972505289308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472511103389915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305259374750998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550895497758354,0.09633686430561723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803974109054567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28853004743794475,0.0,0.2480539696920884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30374797958944233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14788174808671642,0.0,0.0,0.12828409550608472,0.0,0.14717835792195166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553887682676236,0.1467769322601266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849797750162936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211556869101294,0.2948720165216439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044278429584444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141319804712443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524192358226136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SplittingInTwo,2018/11/23,"I can't be calm without cutting [TW] Everyday I have to deal with such a pervasive fucking feeling. I relapsed on Thanksgiving because I can't handle my conflicting emotions towards my family and it was the only way to bring myself down. Not even weed helped which is rare. It started off with lightly scratching my thighs with scissors and I felt the euphoria kick in. Before I knew it, I started applying pressure to make it hurt. Now I'm at work reliving all my cutting instances and had to cut at work to stabilize my mood. How's everyone else doing?",4.319904761904759,6.526513371428576,5.3676190476190495,77.35904761904764,72.42857142857143,8.476190476190476,35.476190476190474,9.150863307647796,3.7020476190476175,444,25,74,10,9,146,76,105,0.092,0.802,0.106,0.1101,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,4,1,3,0,8,2,1,2,1,15,17,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,4,13,1,16,12,1,13,0,1,0,1,2,7,1,0,4,54,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919420487529406,0.0,0.208259863311388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25232122062298895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20445293906602893,0.27530504393496696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165168246841374,0.0,0.0,0.2338642174946215,0.0,0.0,0.2307236875197973,0.0,0.12375036315382312,0.0,0.2349934622480129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22626269425561266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404733149823708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262004451877204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336910532063592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613950695612644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464633661005313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426709076990867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2359253268895693,0.0,0.3563543695028083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LalsRedfield,2018/11/23,"Fellow students, how are you holding up? I have a ton of essays to write, exams are just around the corner and going to class is so damn hard. Of course everybody else is stressed as well and I don't want to invalidate their struggle in any way but with PTSD the anxiety I feel this semester is unlike anything I've ever felt before. I guess I'm looking for others that understand what it feels like? If there is anybody who'd like to vent *and* motivate each other to get through this, send me a pm :)",2.730055555555559,4.761752250000004,3.9653333333333336,86.42322222222224,76.5,6.844444444444445,25.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.4089777777777774,395,14,78,6,9,129,80,100,0.08900000000000001,0.76,0.15,0.8864,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,1,7,6,1,2,4,0,9,0,0,2,1,20,19,8,0,2,3,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,3,1,0,1,5,7,3,14,17,2,8,0,0,1,0,6,4,1,2,3,54,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972812614402138,0.0,0.1796844377399291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932882499435961,0.20909518590882933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199867672149508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962141544967484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124646308565158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375272567448995,0.16780007518046616,0.2255239945089091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227163900744696,0.0,0.13348911395145965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25874950876041164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104085470694051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22950340956190665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724210835933664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27456502441972697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690570624605353,0.2455501439218027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244520922722236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853975953236589,0.18643876256359596,0.0,0.0,0.21118753831028975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Days_B,2018/11/23,"Do doctors have to report incidents that happened years ago? As a child (I'm now 20) I went through a traumatic experience, it lasted several years and I've told no one about it in person, never reported them, infact they don't even know that I know as I'd wake up and pretend to be still sleeping. The person is in my family and someone I still see, but they don't live in the same house as me anymore, they live 2 hours away from me. Lately I can't stop thinking about it, I keep getting flashes of it in my mind and I'm constantly wondering if it's related to other issues I'm having and I'm considering seeking help for it. If I told a doctor or therapist about what I went through would they be obliged to tell anyone? I'm not sure if it goes against any laws or anything but I'm in the UK if it does.",3.8905080213903744,4.2476977941176495,5.499625668449202,83.1592245989305,71.05882352941177,8.77005347593583,30.16042780748663,8.841846274778883,2.2524117647058826,635,25,136,11,11,217,101,170,0.051,0.9109999999999999,0.038,0.1653,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,5,0,7,1,0,0,6,0,10,4,2,0,2,26,28,16,0,5,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,12,5,0,2,4,1,0,2,6,0,0,1,4,1,16,1,23,21,1,21,0,0,1,0,12,7,0,7,12,89,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476504029757067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957137967489163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395846775705452,0.09841461376846884,0.0,0.11582401118494284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223783547430726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209911122878128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881240782809701,0.12316994832554673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296304737590408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13767902653396308,0.13268514602585246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353527460002793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244634210776898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943407431156253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386089067935328,0.1624048552472388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14690485146878934,0.0,0.12510372109464235,0.0,0.0,0.15470337370237236,0.11472880129766445,0.15877042244491393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485669830141683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14211584767641233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855390904266364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537481651144007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457922975864619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215832033700153,0.0,0.0,0.15900572638013966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408501325755827,0.0,0.11925573518961055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22480384498846087,0.11767203634727093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265378208467793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302038024459458,0.0,0.0,0.1634198400891657,0.0,0.09018594646338428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26898241946512746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609505126898713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526357288159089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998368597170523,0.0,0.0,0.18127482034405407 ptsd,Daftpuns,2018/11/23,"Hyper-vigilance at night Hi everyone. For some reason my hyper-vigilance has been flaring up badly these past couple weeks, making it impossible to fall asleep because every sound makes me feel like I’m in danger. I end up frozen in bed listening as hard as I can, and then hearing normal house noises (wind etc.) and getting more and more panicked until I’m convinced what I’m hearing is something dangerous. My trauma has to do partially with being assaulted at bed times so I understand why this happens, as dumb as I feel reading it back to myself now. Does anyone else experience this? How do you deal with it? ",5.109497584541064,7.0392061913043475,6.01594202898551,74.68990338164255,69.69565217391305,8.589371980676331,30.169082125603857,9.150863307647796,2.924922705314009,492,20,80,10,9,162,84,115,0.19399999999999998,0.764,0.040999999999999995,-0.9596,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,4,8,4,0,0,0,8,1,1,4,0,14,21,11,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,7,5,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,7,9,2,17,19,4,16,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,1,10,53,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242578719702307,0.1820832956263647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136646819747709,0.14837912307481602,0.10832941454353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966310068849134,0.0,0.0,0.18320959671218195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551385189217953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14845259713163692,0.0,0.15739692965438604,0.0,0.19819188378295646,0.0,0.0,0.14972702375041394,0.16980802830142888,0.0,0.1738329522106435,0.0,0.0,0.1797094518678967,0.12695494381286815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284532435439533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571469850771646,0.0,0.15919185520158322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4005806507879997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20505167817994085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681936654217112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372435249569864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667673310231488,0.17411653843733668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964281246426088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17775652870413552,0.0,0.0,0.1827138718472904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13680863783435435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362321945268596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500075147097386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425469899780042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16035422476554453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Emilia1978,2018/11/23,"Bad dreams/nightmares every night! Overwhelmed and hate them, what can I do? 37F in the U.K. Hi, my daughter was raped last year and there has been no closure as her rapist has not been caught, I have a history of childhood abuse on top of this and I am really struggling to cope. At night I am finding I dream constantly and they are usually dreams around me chasing or looking for someone, protecting my children, or being in fear of being hurt in some way. Or someone is on top of me in my dream. I wake suddenly a lot in the night, startled and scared. This happens many times a night, it feels constant. I wake up exhausted! And scared and not at all rested. I have begun to dread going to sleep. I have been on antidepressants for about 3 months but not sure if it’s connected as this is more recent. I know vivid dreams are a side effect but these are nightmares. It’s got to the point where I think about the dreams in the day a lot and feel unsettled by them and don’t want to go to sleep, but I need to sleep as I have to be able to function. I feel so at a loss to know how to stop this and what I can do. I also feel such a freak that this happens so haven’t told anyone although I did talk about it in my counselling a little. Has anyone been through this, life feels incredibly lonely right now and I feel alone in what I am experiencing. Thank you for reading x",3.3365238095238112,4.575577414285718,4.022857142857145,89.96880952380955,73.07142857142857,7.047619047619048,25.119047619047624,7.447530270364453,0.9794404761904764,1076,33,234,12,21,342,147,280,0.175,0.753,0.07200000000000001,-0.9784,0,3,0,1,1,0,28.0,0,1,3,4,12,18,3,7,13,0,30,9,5,2,2,43,51,26,0,3,10,1,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,15,12,0,2,11,6,0,3,6,16,0,0,9,9,30,2,42,39,6,45,0,4,2,2,10,23,0,8,18,167,45,1,0.10945640873355887,0.12968794590485774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336382912225886,0.0,0.08753225051871576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306893194954124,0.0,0.0,0.097439409879116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913915292952745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23656698547876898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705903285303786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222174517422213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316889051827108,0.33206669431671937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004117461243413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441319901442124,0.0,0.08754228909745712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358388151549014,0.0,0.0,0.10806554279409646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717534938056633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203087594151583,0.08922158207011709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731229849908716,0.0,0.10970407678135742,0.0,0.0,0.09191581603522156,0.0,0.0,0.18611184901410888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097161859315273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736706117607472,0.0,0.0,0.08116054015881483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41086969926387656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347168569111667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948602919225367,0.0,0.07012057822624652,0.0,0.10807499870484928,0.0,0.0,0.09347517499880263,0.0,0.0,0.21916991993436444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286063705287328,0.0,0.1854841198409452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151045883479968,0.0,0.11442760394256468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316136986799024,0.0,0.0,0.08797691520496217,0.0,0.10077275522956354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013524706038947,0.0,0.0,0.06382491215766037,0.0,0.0,0.10459028919626256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055077033506716,0.0,0.06456022578881546,0.08688140247624086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048633855508611 ptsd,birdiebitch,2018/11/23,"Not anxious enough Hi. I have PTSD because I was present when a terrorist attack occurred. I had separation anxiety, claustrophobia, and was triggered by even the mention of the event. This was a little less than six years ago, and I feel so much better and so much happier. I went to many therapists and worked super hard to get better, and for the most part, life is good. But now, I talk to people who also have anxiety, and when I say how well I'm doing, I know they're judging me and thinking I have no right to say I have PTSD. One girl even pulled me aside to tell me hers was ""worse"" than mine. I don't want to go back to the place I was before, but I feel like I'm not valid.",4.074184397163119,4.370512730496458,4.998014184397164,87.13333333333334,70.63120567375888,8.252482269503545,26.30496453900709,8.167268648758528,1.348296453900709,529,15,118,7,9,173,89,141,0.085,0.789,0.126,0.7633,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,4,11,7,1,0,6,0,13,1,0,2,0,19,23,15,0,1,4,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,7,0,0,4,0,0,3,4,1,1,2,7,5,18,6,12,16,6,14,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,9,82,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689496764985967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234995010764826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362806626820954,0.17446460736946906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568910205836766,0.0,0.11874895093331715,0.0,0.0941405321837378,0.0,0.13141056236758147,0.0,0.0,0.2731657420724746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595699084164141,0.0,0.20400223224076586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617128098198546,0.11032650757193398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068453321126673,0.0,0.08776746807352387,0.12953053508428838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834105936178198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487198532457325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908014172070032,0.07544784954829367,0.15478179377619133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565701721215742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270511050183471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464736267310862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723519463263575,0.0,0.1070639523448857,0.0,0.16134894509166092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610463250752769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188439011882494,0.0,0.2456216194406789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412687974631376,0.13498068796908907,0.0,0.0,0.1793078707704884,0.0,0.09895401944431832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108820608467033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885323662358298,0.14316034326480231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242859606723916,0.0,0.15737976655524644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944937543220032 ptsd,mrpderp,2019/10/12,"Twenty plus years At age ten I was pushed in front of a Mack truck going 30. Knocked me out of my shoes and britches. I was hospitalized for five days. I was out of school for two weeks. I went back and everyone was so happy to see me. But, it didn't last long. Slowly felt more alienated everyday. The person who pushed me told the officers that I ran into the road and turned around to taunt them. We all believed it. Much easier to believe that than your best friend inadvertantly trying to kill you. No follow up with doctors. No counseling. No rehabilitation. Just back to school. Get to work. No understanding. For ten years I'm convinced I hate myself. At age twenty, a mutual friend told me Rodrigo pushed me that day. I couldn't believe it. I did all the things a normal teen would do. Twenty one years later to the day I'm posting about it here. Amidst the emotional traumas from watching my parents violently argue to losing love lives to suicide this layer of trauma has got me uptight, hyper vigilant, excessively stressed, depressed and always feeling misunderstood and out of my mind. I just want a healthy relationship with myself",3.3450826699326406,6.152420511737088,4.309063074096759,80.66338640538886,78.6244131455399,7.0846295162278015,24.753827311696266,8.18289091462,1.8463751377832205,911,33,161,18,23,294,135,213,0.19,0.675,0.136,-0.924,1,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,1,2,1,3,11,16,4,2,10,0,10,3,1,0,2,28,28,8,2,4,3,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,10,14,0,1,3,0,0,8,6,10,0,5,12,4,24,6,32,14,5,34,0,2,2,1,14,10,0,0,15,112,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305548810176864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025528975448567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047038457313648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4186192296920968,0.12997591897917246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396245154492465,0.0,0.10667427331190282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676863423502152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393177796999613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834670032531605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262371943947075,0.0,0.11891815324725195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19137680055122816,0.0,0.06470799930891095,0.0,0.07038842560538483,0.0,0.099056433759045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184365579121562,0.0,0.12227904241230995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702482189199205,0.0,0.0,0.10095659852310704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936433060585027,0.1096058697834342,0.0,0.13855965244062174,0.0,0.0,0.11178202751828442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505606626546942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104609125112402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134949096485954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392589263421922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752392659877735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814352641551413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118616788750705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329716041447208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506913812379741,0.09869468162498098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418730146901217,0.0,0.0,0.1354749095337104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228232641055237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366934006506321,0.0,0.08408795136521552,0.1347163293584353,0.12098623235857513,0.1289351788210439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305161648445571,0.0,0.09934728100874332,0.0,0.0,0.1148128274942876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901663457303718,0.0,0.0,0.08798150707874032,0.0,0.0,0.23927151316182524 ptsd,sleeping__forever,2019/10/12,"Is this possibly PTSD? Hello everyone. I am 21 years old, I'm a female, I'm 115lbs. I dont know why this is relevant but who knows lol. September 2018 I had an experience that I'm sure most people would have literally brushed off and moved in. I have intense vertigo. I felt like I was falling. It can suddenly and without warning. The strange effects of it lasted about two weeks. Up until about May 2019 I only had occasionally dizzy spells that were brief. I almost passed out in the heat in April 28 2019 and it reminded me terribly of the emotions and feelings I felt during my vertigo attack. A month later through all of May I was experiencing difficulty sleeping. I honest to God thought I was dieing in my sleep. Heart pounding, numbness and tingly everything, my awareness felt fuzzy. I was back to normal in mid June. Come July 30 2019 I almost passed out due to intense exercise in the heat outside. I starting having my night panics again. There were even in the day time in a way I've never experienced before. I started getting confused on some days. I would wake up at night with my head completely vibrating so bad that it was absolutely scary and miserable. I have never experienced anything like it. I would actually physically feel doom over my whole body. I'm asking about PTSD because I've been cleared for many thinks. Neurologist- Head and Neck MRI clear. EEG clear. Heart- ultrasound Clear. Bloodwork clear. I've been okay before all of this happened. There are days now where I honestly dont want to live because I'm scared to do activities that will remind me of this dizzy and out of control feeling. I've even had thoughts to run away and leave my husband for a better life than to be with a sick and scared person. This hurts the most. I tried Zoloft for a week but it seemed to trigger my head buzzing/vibrations AMD I would wake up feeling dazed a lot quicker than before the meds. I dont know what to do because I don't know what is happening. I just want an explanation on what is going on with my mind or body.",3.5394783715012714,5.846156173027989,4.430858778625956,82.73931615776081,75.05597964376591,7.521882951653946,27.965012722646307,8.430304187100639,2.1333455470737914,1628,67,307,31,36,525,214,393,0.161,0.7090000000000001,0.131,-0.9506,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,3,13,19,1,5,16,2,37,20,12,3,10,67,67,15,1,7,5,1,7,2,0,7,8,0,0,1,19,17,0,1,16,1,0,8,7,12,0,1,17,11,36,7,50,42,7,57,1,3,0,0,5,23,0,11,27,191,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.07997233892467248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16412414559211144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743867725027397,0.0,0.07661310757786115,0.09323107525902152,0.07699564723748728,0.06301524825208504,0.06842564864114206,0.14986967782493216,0.0,0.20920275452006304,0.0,0.0,0.07247898577364373,0.0,0.1820581376497426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705935163790396,0.08592404766187024,0.0,0.09191499711860636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855481535526364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505218311959839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881378291311381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218382682848374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10825570421965383,0.0,0.0,0.07830767725416475,0.07365226029261288,0.08016378762543568,0.0,0.0,0.1657475196804425,0.0,0.2360573891426468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0428160067979604,0.0,0.0465746328337316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14493796921124846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25231605768447696,0.0,0.0,0.1942246215097882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773022344568934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801524706648928,0.06680098990588093,0.0,0.08677425938981685,0.0,0.0,0.05788440365896324,0.08007422266898975,0.0,0.07236422038518568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967179609965868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308543517704893,0.0,0.0,0.0910290688248713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274713235665082,0.0,0.06541249366260861,0.0871009267650738,0.0,0.0,0.12641130213482865,0.0,0.0,0.15381089416005314,0.0802945645912585,0.0,0.0,0.08599377218935457,0.0,0.0,0.06232741627224325,0.0,0.09615182253303732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681449379414667,0.07155643833241537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238742122804768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19159262988266326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16409446312779327,0.0,0.0,0.07460509807459695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402033627130785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601065671201237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772378326783398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052510881585193486,0.0,0.1301198547471287,0.04778627786982047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055639338810214635,0.0,0.08005420353664079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667362741563623,0.06504887668617113,0.13147227249980714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394801650362481,0.09149534712604676,0.0,0.07899782425918407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23286251130681399,0.0,0.0,0.052773746901511695 ptsd,emobirtch,2019/10/12,"do i have ptsd? i am very dramatic so i am unsure to self diagnose. i dont want to go to a psychologist because its too painful to talk about and last time i went i was so stressed i ran out. i went on wikipedia and researched the symptoms and also looked at mental health channels to see if i can relate, and i actually really relate. i experienced something traumatic about 3 years ago (i don’t remember the exact date and month though). i am fourteen now. i get scared of people and i attack them, but mostly i run away or freeze. it really scares me that i hit my friend, just because he said something that reminded me of my abuser. i constantly think people close to me or strangers would hurt me and it fucks me up. i suppressed the event for a few months by telling myself it never happened and it was just some lie, but i got nightmares and flashbacks. i have emotional episodes almost every day, though i can control myself to not cry in school. does this sound like ptsd?",2.890520833333333,5.128537843750003,3.811666666666667,86.73333333333336,76.8125,6.766666666666668,25.77083333333333,7.793537801064563,1.5051333333333337,774,29,151,12,18,248,123,192,0.157,0.77,0.07200000000000001,-0.9390000000000001,0,0,2,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,11,9,2,3,5,0,13,5,0,1,2,30,27,19,0,3,8,0,1,1,1,1,4,2,0,1,8,11,0,2,2,1,0,5,4,7,0,0,7,6,32,2,19,18,3,24,0,1,2,1,7,7,1,6,13,105,40,2,0.0,0.1476092625505405,0.1215740314683209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043439948053152,0.0,0.12475084703800512,0.0,0.0,0.09962815632792614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14172997601135368,0.11704886171943793,0.0,0.0,0.15188802505991011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462885091858612,0.13972927267556268,0.0,0.0,0.13684744402904986,0.08034506418363485,0.0,0.0,0.12644807703021327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902252141255232,0.0,0.14600914089807218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401379478756095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496568282666348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962517209146148,0.11517402369597747,0.06508893734752548,0.0,0.07080280449327582,0.0,0.09963958211769194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016742455438323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242480830027287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333675754557499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155093321182132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086445762034441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046174779546878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554932367865707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19888027960392407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608529543050387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325639996677125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727389032073279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29125931200278016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596208000578107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14112708610601252,0.0,0.11850598236979637,0.0,0.24945657076337996,0.12608360466428506,0.09927570033737264,0.0,0.1299661649356515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918185739243215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427082256149778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948836832226845,0.0,0.10013426833364218,0.1088901328751703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798270959197625,0.2448023058014938,0.0,0.07264474851700448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279317245628353,0.07348167366128727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23097746848244216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849945699372573,0.0,0.0,0.08022670404261734 ptsd,Jmmcginl89,2019/10/12,"Girlfriend having trouble Hey everybody my girlfriend has diagnosed ptsd from child abuse and sexual trauma, and it's been really hard for her lately. She had two severe attacks yesterday. One were a fast food order got messed up and she almost kill us speeding away then started writhing and screaming in here seat and then yelled for 5 hours straight. The other she had an attack getting ready for work and screaming, got drenched in sweat and said she wanted to die.",6.9332142857142856,8.755143035714287,5.603333333333335,79.82500000000002,65.07142857142857,7.980952380952381,31.857142857142854,8.344100000000001,2.5590142857142864,381,15,61,5,6,112,67,84,0.335,0.624,0.040999999999999995,-0.9842,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,1,0,0,1,1,8,3,0,3,0,6,3,1,0,0,9,12,9,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,0,1,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,2,7,5,7,0,9,5,0,14,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,1,8,39,9,1,0.0,0.22662758894002094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19153258538073314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43520199463068826,0.17970756618723452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941383780956661,0.1985114922170869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231288439396452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999324072409558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059574699872528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134331119060575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883656761500656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161557225806996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157646190876902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961174152124594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235882575895901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253457688467513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18194471400627726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21608439063689944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353842296123211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684622568667572,0.0,0.23007823480774195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281795088863818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924924394495206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AllDaWayJay,2019/10/12,"I’m not trying to upset anyone... ...yet sometimes when I read some these posts, it’s hard to not hear “her” say these things. And I fuck it up by responding in kind. I ain’t saying this shit to y’all directly. I’m only saying it bc I don’t get another chance to tell her how sorry I am. I didn’t choose to get “r” word by 5 different people before I hit kindergarten. I didn’t know that being a cry baby was a symptom of going thru that shit. I didn’t know that the anger that was festering inside me, and built up over the years was bc of what happened. I’m 37 and walked away from everything bc of this anger. Walked away from my family bc somehow in my fucked up mindset, I thought they’d be better off without me. Walked away from a killer fucking job too. Well, the therapist tells me that folk like me have a tendency to self destruct. And I did. I ain’t trolling anyone when I respond like that. I’m sorry and I didn’t want to offend anyone. I miss her and my little girl so much. It’s been dark for so long that when I saw a post this morning and read it, I swear it was her talking to me. Again to the OP that I responded to this morning, I am so sorry. It won’t happen again and I won’t respond in kind to anyone like that ever again. I’m sorry",1.1756908302354423,2.7837335501858758,3.1254879182156152,92.61764947335816,79.66914498141264,5.970322180916978,20.502013630731106,6.816661863887847,0.23724894671623264,971,25,221,10,24,327,131,269,0.172,0.7340000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9645,2,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,1,1,15,18,9,1,9,0,21,6,2,1,1,21,42,15,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,2,1,4,0,2,24,8,0,0,4,2,0,4,12,11,1,0,12,6,34,7,33,24,2,28,0,1,1,3,19,12,5,2,13,147,58,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051664538691799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28051012019148536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826870652311933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534236073422127,0.0,0.0,0.0887014288660084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016767347892913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478533557737496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072119054979733,0.0,0.0,0.0901373088686572,0.0,0.09454776286299224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27815910613060624,0.10479840303441064,0.0,0.056999093422248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773783784188975,0.0,0.08984325445151661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303803605883993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952579895169268,0.0,0.0,0.20888044243046192,0.11023734252865704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699497841187656,0.1005204105480359,0.0,0.0887565698150063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372724444850101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627770755706234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953086782393071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210685180977424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064123278871288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392721917412775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462796819866124,0.0,0.20589962280352225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919281182192984,0.4490813389464461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424332278810212,0.0,0.08061209660218713,0.17532183649878666,0.0,0.0,0.11644845523890125,0.06663052866629518,0.0,0.0,0.07962181670114409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809268646555293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05915569039699022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017587928660577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667933145449112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458571000698811 ptsd,Niquitaaa,2019/10/12,"Support Today I feel as though I have no support and no one cares. I’ve had anxiety for years but was recently diagnosed with PTSD. An adult with no friends...it’s just my boyfriend and I. So my routine is pretty simple...work and hang out with him. I’m kind of okay with it. Before I met him, I was in an abusive relationship, which is why I want to avoid people. When it comes to work, I absolutely can’t do that (retail customer service, corporate owned). My job pains me most of all and I’ve searched tirelessly to no avail for other employment for months. And weekends are the hardest because that’s when the super asshole customers come out of the woodwork. I wish someone understood. I would someone could hear me screaming from the inside. But at the same time, I don’t want anyone to look at me. I’d rather be home with my dogs and boyfriend, day after day. Just needed to rant on my lunch break...thank you for reading.",2.49143467643468,4.824692368131867,3.265421245421248,89.66013431013431,78.61538461538461,6.022466422466422,26.045177045177045,7.1686216300943375,1.2338744810744822,729,29,145,9,18,230,117,182,0.14800000000000002,0.731,0.121,-0.7383,2,2,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,2,7,9,0,1,7,1,13,3,0,0,1,32,28,13,0,7,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,1,1,6,15,1,1,2,2,1,3,6,3,0,1,5,4,21,6,26,20,4,20,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,11,97,27,5,0.0,0.18142748870070527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713982034796618,0.0,0.0,0.10706820795079076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334327153383773,0.0,0.1302976679752656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561206289222005,0.0,0.0,0.26380638953242225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225745023173165,0.0,0.0,0.1975052645404668,0.0,0.0,0.15541814023201986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742434607251411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725824357828531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359635453316786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15195243481916812,0.0,0.0,0.1594555991900126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858601128111188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222251184365775,0.0,0.0,0.11353987357783392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037611214076327,0.0,0.16293525986283813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615724537980546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557826617194334,0.0,0.0,0.17899434162970188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531659337000776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119196675948224,0.1643984035005958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594837771683979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34752772699034445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409764630258189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044403990061292,0.0,0.08928812503362886,0.0,0.14514411786550402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18063359016277802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381710406814179,0.0,0.17608561351799298,0.0,0.0,0.2229529136374548,0.0,0.0,0.10877524862811487,0.0,0.0,0.09860715506388452 ptsd,functional_fit,2019/10/12,"Swallowed my pride.. I didn’t have anyone else to tell, so I came on here. Last night, I did something that I never have before and I never thought would be this hard. However. I’ve been suffering for years and it is what it is. I clicked “yes” when a job application asked if I had a disability. The background is that my PTSD started due to a job that I finally left last month because I just couldn’t do it anymore for my own health. This is my first time looking for a new job in 8 years. I literally cried when the disabilities survey came up in the application. I feel better now that I did, but I guess this is just something else that I’ll have to learn to live with..",2.2726086956521736,4.037995028985513,3.687753623188408,89.1059782608696,76.97101449275362,6.918840579710146,24.54347826086957,7.793537801064563,1.1125826086956518,526,18,116,8,12,173,81,138,0.043,0.9259999999999999,0.032,-0.0772,5,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,7,1,17,2,0,0,2,17,25,7,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,5,1,0,3,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,8,4,17,2,12,14,1,24,0,1,2,0,2,5,0,2,17,80,29,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446877375365659,0.10201254216816333,0.14948573944395865,0.0,0.0,0.13639128288186814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893568507129958,0.0,0.12414512770073835,0.0,0.0,0.1290314694727322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33372795196901817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025781071522052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24375158828557164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376843714611256,0.0,0.0,0.15981984784754388,0.0,0.12409744114113652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071879189915156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306924509818604,0.0,0.0,0.15507859875029512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4343321270027195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23784631635734996,0.0,0.0,0.15851435913608627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288271571943623,0.0,0.12251429391700652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645127327694192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250450375141676,0.14090542433080286,0.0,0.13691172332604234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054238763158208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22463280136311425,0.0,0.0,0.1032645900757829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751786799437684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582361346801465,0.08507201899088132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036389778992847,0.0,0.0,0.1879020253829297 ptsd,grayperegrine,2019/10/12,"Don't yell at me This is mostly a vent and sorry for that. It is not that hard not to yell at me. Yelling at me will not solve anything and it will trigger me PTSD. I live with roommates because I am poor and one admits that she lacks self control (but god help her if she got therapy for that). She ""emotionally responds before thinking"" (which is either immaturity or you need therapy at 38). And apparently that includes yelling at me when it's ""just an emotional response."" I can't deal with it. I am honestly thinking about breaking the lease, sucking up the cost, and just getting a studio in a shitty neighborhood. I can't deal with being yelled at.",3.442333571939873,5.4800084803149645,4.52217609162491,83.20455261274161,74.43307086614173,7.137866857551898,29.65569076592699,8.00094639256281,2.0998881889763767,515,23,98,8,11,168,80,127,0.075,0.8240000000000001,0.10099999999999999,0.3191,1,0,0,0,2,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,4,2,1,0,6,0,11,0,0,2,0,25,18,9,0,3,9,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,1,11,8,0,1,3,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,1,6,15,1,15,14,3,10,0,0,0,0,11,8,1,3,1,76,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872918289983562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175818411262233,0.0,0.16413223409928604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163386499224058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3977150949109016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4339427790009248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077525318079177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15426898216399348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278844814009234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928777820512233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703223438131341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302292127912808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070490772340546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22547403679082556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012227224788876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21592068352528768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.441165124869503,0.0,0.0,0.24718780578792934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Woolfpack97,2019/10/12,"Not sleeping to avoid night terrors For the past three months I've been almost paralyzed by my fear of dreaming, I used to be really well adjusted to my night terrors and nightmares (well as adjusted as one can be) they were disruptive but not to the point of not sleeping for several days on end. I've been in this sleepless rut and I just can't shake the fear. I guess I don't know exactly why I came here to post this, but if any of y'all has any tips or tricks for beating the dream fear I would greatly appreciate it.",5.710404984423676,5.290173887850472,6.1425700934579455,82.78650311526482,67.13084112149534,10.12398753894081,32.78660436137071,9.725611199111238,2.772995015576325,414,16,89,8,6,134,70,107,0.19399999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.09699999999999999,-0.9061,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,1,4,11,1,7,4,0,10,2,2,1,1,20,14,8,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,2,0,2,5,8,2,2,4,0,10,3,16,7,0,12,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,4,6,58,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282671691798434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22115571444563253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597828370370967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486760877543776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402091406610726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5489318704027358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927401528581144,0.17912916733515186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936416770731963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12979079403674226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30518998690835875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018623438917888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552261087271294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371550862978944,0.0,0.1557318829451195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041697569288542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369883033056408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254474564542623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14043963117387248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924051764991842,0.0,0.1467268902627681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551084720829755,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Illicit_action,2019/10/12,"First time poster here. Hey everyone. Where do I begin? I've been dealing with PTSD for over ten years now. I've gone through so much, too much it seems like. I'll itemize so y'all can get the whole picture. -Cancer twice, my wife left me for another man while I was recovering. -My dad had Leukemia and Colon Cancer. - I was injured severely (Gunshot Wound) which has left me with lingering flashbacks. -The deaths of several close friends and family members. All of that ☝️ was within 10-14 months. There's more, but I don't want to get too wordy. I can feel myswlf shutting down, I'm incredibly lonely because I feel so isolated. How can I relate to people who've never experienced what I've experienced? When they're more concerned with the normal problems that come with being alive, While I have all of this trauma and fear swirling around inside me? If anyone has any advice, it'd mean the world to me. Thanks.",2.4255113636363674,5.124798710227271,2.9942727272727296,89.26890909090912,81.7840909090909,6.0200000000000005,23.572727272727274,7.365786028017652,1.1020418181818186,727,26,141,11,20,226,126,176,0.16399999999999998,0.7759999999999999,0.061,-0.9563,0,2,0,1,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,1,12,7,0,1,4,0,15,5,1,1,3,23,27,12,1,4,2,2,2,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,7,10,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,4,0,3,6,4,15,3,17,19,8,22,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,2,11,87,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16547884274750266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515822796853815,0.1775696378434393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184077208588352,0.0,0.0,0.15075010060721306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032291868087392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587296234045868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17458395546443167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181334265503794,0.0,0.0,0.15964037383416088,0.19055659984336334,0.171248599988628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404204480771424,0.0,0.0,0.13083305119068192,0.0,0.17694819772604933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679807127590728,0.0,0.0,0.08273184753340346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844628596295652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516700561291708,0.0,0.24897140892855965,0.0,0.1306068323379153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16591900499578896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174002789310909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16203722825613776,0.19795149694428216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541624106583422,0.0,0.3826160555478005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590717357760522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987445628103708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988217852471068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890640672152135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905056426137824 ptsd,WakeUpTomorrow319,2019/10/12,"How do I stop being afraid of wanting help and wanting to get better? I had a therapist, but then she thought I was doing better (bcs I kept lying) so I had to stop seeing her. My parents think I'm fine now, but recently I've just been spiraling and getting just as bad again. It's really hard for me to think about going to therapy again bcs it didn't help last time, bcs I don't want to get... Better? Any tips on how to get into a more healthy mindset? I am pushing myself to want to want to get better, but I feel like there are a million things stopping me from that. Thanks",0.7014494596312773,2.8390179752066125,2.6680991735537205,92.51165924984106,84.12396694214875,5.375969485060395,20.87794024157661,6.67199483983844,0.36008912905276524,449,14,97,5,13,150,77,121,0.121,0.639,0.24,0.965,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,4,11,9,0,1,3,0,11,0,0,2,0,23,30,10,0,5,5,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,4,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,7,3,14,7,16,22,1,14,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,11,65,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627796297531617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182117998468322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5008572971991556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158614134712253,0.10114342298684063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3698435693598873,0.0,0.08046209694489331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682616890010076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18979363229267845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540504774369435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916790831373919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720572550193102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069855622663044,0.0,0.1397912937211882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128194155865178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35509689334732875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034609293737828,0.1619068960969248,0.1643830863256914,0.09405819873872466,0.1814350597181565,0.0,0.11239719703744214,0.0825553286984236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4175321579506798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,phillydave75,2019/10/12,"It’s time to go back to shell shocked... Full disclosure: I’m going to come off as a dick here. I’m not sorry. The title says it all. I believe we need to separate the post traumatic stress that happens to a veteran from the grouping that is a PTSD diagnosis. Why? Well... Training to accept excessive risk. Veterans are trained to accept risk. Whether it is flying in a combat zone or patrolling a city where known hostiles are entrenched, we have a conditioned response to danger. Read it again; conditioned response. This response can be so effective that the stress of the event can be taken as “just part of the job”. The post traumatic stress happens much later for some. It can start after you get home or maybe not until after you leave the military. This is not to debase or devalue a person who has had sexual trauma, a car accident, or a death in the family. These events are traumatic and the therapy and study should be dedicated solely to those scenarios. However the risks we have accepted are so different than what a civilian who has had an accident that I can not see how the same moniker can be used. I accepted great levels of risk in my career. As an aviator every time you get into the airplane is inherently dangerous. Yet we are asked to accept these dangers as a matter of course; thereby normalizing them. Cool. So when you are on approach into an airfield you are not just thinking about everything going wrong; you are planning for it. Nose gear collapse, doing this. Landing short into lake, doing this. The first and last two minutes of a flight I hammered my students with scenarios that would end in their untimely death. Death was just something to plan for and adjust the risks to hopefully make it less likely. I planned to die in a ball of flames and if I was armed I planned to kill. I had to, otherwise how would I know if I had the stomach to do it. Conditioned response. Could you imagine getting into your car everyday and planning out the accident that might kill you? I can and I do. Almost every time. So my demons are not everyone’s demons and that is fair. However, the wording of a diagnosis has been proven to effect the patient. Even as I read through this thread I have to resist sounding like a complete jerk when someone says “they know what you’re going through”. How, exactly? Were you on the plane? Were you in the platoon? Are you in my head right now? No. No you are not. Empathy is a poor strategy to helping. A civilian therapist can easily damage an already shattered psyche by comparing their post traumatic stress to my experiences. It did to me. Some asshat compared his stress during grad school to a scenario I talked about with him. I was trying to get a perspective but what the therapist did was minimize my experience and in turn made me very angry. I don’t see him anymore. Veterans: choose your therapist very carefully. With PTSD diagnosis’s being bandied about like Snicker’s Bars on Halloween it is important that you are talking to someone who knows the difference between a vets and a civilians PTSD. While we vets are trying to seek help and are getting frustrated we could do everyone a favor and have a post traumatic military event (or something like that), that we can at least hope understands. DM",4.253407971339005,6.678196747126439,4.965473652784002,79.18435915808331,73.3185550082102,8.567021943573668,30.777160770264217,9.243218698107313,3.112123546798029,2605,120,451,63,55,838,286,609,0.14400000000000002,0.777,0.079,-0.9874,6,0,2,0,0,0,70.0,7,15,4,8,23,38,8,10,50,1,66,6,5,8,2,87,98,37,6,11,19,0,0,4,0,4,0,3,1,1,34,28,1,0,16,4,1,8,10,22,1,2,15,7,54,16,74,72,9,58,2,1,2,1,41,24,1,13,26,340,88,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732184122438565,0.0,0.08068896065748615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725146932574875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835667078334368,0.0,0.0,0.05622422474797498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238040682555595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07454999476627061,0.0,0.0,0.0629857985287497,0.0766641900333521,0.0,0.0,0.11675961514932286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588628453691758,0.15278820200738272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476199273329797,0.0,0.0,0.04829460498153896,0.0,0.1232123199022318,0.13973724035227833,0.06571490791121658,0.14304940271189992,0.06893036421584968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219523528118199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100906969288164,0.0,0.16622152235424992,0.0,0.0,0.08061428126945287,0.0,0.0,0.12931830281536144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504149195775886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802064478395993,0.0,0.07334461503016416,0.14524791733507356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255961815357638,0.0,0.16179133358442696,0.0,0.1205533574871391,0.059601984821684564,0.0,0.07742277619466033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288957726074522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06918724522131607,0.04880769743419898,0.0,0.07345816009154779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756801743174514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053751095304396285,0.05421703101906286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164138475754298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918107145280527,0.0,0.0,0.06384494836665527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28011229166356433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564176302095744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627816496181198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244347872137695,0.0,0.11629479692960976,0.0,0.07400063055835324,0.11653322323150055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390748335683514,0.112581611709145,0.0,0.08185106479192135,0.05175421359956745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187895289594105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754103980321637,0.0,0.0,0.08361828665524934,0.2546914127504666,0.0,0.04685189203967837,0.0,0.0,0.1279093474046452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928640374723037,0.07953279661870492,0.0714269269186811,0.0761197651614039,0.0,0.06315159456198564,0.0,0.12066215269007532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574302780402679,0.0,0.06597879108457208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388369905897316,0.0799444710181285,0.0,0.0 ptsd,quietitisasecret,2019/10/12,"What is wrong with me? Do I have PTSD? Hello, I’m a 25 year old woman that turns 26 in exactly two weeks, and I couldn’t fathom being anymore depressed than I am now. When I was 14 and a new sophomore in high school , I met this 22 year old man (I’ll call him The Man) via my friend who was 14 as well. At the time I didn’t know how old he was and he and my friend’s sister (16) were dating. Somehow, the man got my phone number and consistently and persistently texted me until I stopped ignoring him and began texting back. I didn’t like him at first, but after weeks of texting nonstop, my 14 year old self somehow fell for him. I knew he was involved with my friend’s sister, and it ate me alive, but I also had feelings for him. One day, when my mom wasn’t home, I invited him over for the first time. We met at my neighborhood pool, and we sat in his car and talked in person for about an hour. When it was time for me to leave, he wrestled with me for about 10 mins trying to kiss me, and when I finally submitted, the only thing I could say was that his breath smelled. He left, and we continued to text. A week later, my friend’s sister (who was in my orchestra class) gave me a note basically cursing me out for “kissing her man” and calling me a fat slut, which hurt because although I’m no where near obese, I’ve always struggled with my weight, and she knew that. I crumpled the paper up and threw it at her telling her that he has been persistently pursuing me. It was a big thing and I almost got kicked out of class. I was really hurt, but I knew I was wrong. I texted him and asked him why he told her, and he said he didn’t want to keep a secret from her, and that he couldn’t see me anymore. I was extremely hurt and didn’t really understand what had happened. He began to ignore me, but would sometimes call me and leave messages about how sorry he was. This all took place around this time this year, the fall. I fell into a depression, being that this was my first romantic encounter, and it was so negatively toxic, I didn’t know what to think or do. I stopped eating and lost a bunch of weight. Being that I couldn’t talk to anyone about this, my family thought I had developed an eating disorder. This lasted a couple months. Then in December, around Christmas break, I started getting prank phone calls. They would call about twice a day, and after about a week, the person came clean and turns out it was The Man. He told me that he and my friend’s sister ended things because her mom found out about their relationship. He told me that he loved me and that he wanted to be with me. Elated, I told him I loved him too and agreed to being in a relationship with him. When school started back in January, he would come over after school every Wednesday. My single mom worked a lot, and I took advantage of that. We happily “dated” for exactly a month, until one day, he told me that my friend’s sister wanted him back and wanted to work on their relationship. He also told me that while they were dating, they were sexually involved, something that he was not getting from me. He began breaking up with me saying that she was first. I was distraught. I thought that giving him what she could give him, would make him stay with me. While crying, I told him I would have sex with him. He decided to take me up on that offer. I told him I was scared and asked him if it would hurt and he said it would. He laid me down, and told me to open my legs. I was crying and scared, so he forced them open. I don’t remember it actually happening, but I do remember after it happened, he told me to tell him that he broke me. I told him that he broke me, and he left, not changing his mind about ending things. I cried all night. He continued to text me, and see me even while dating the sister. We would have sex, and my attachment to him became really deep, scary deep. About 2 months later, I snuck out in the middle of the night to meet him in my neighborhood and I got caught by the police. The police also found him, but let him go. They brought me home and told my mom. She was livid. She told me that she was pressing charges. She called me a slut and a whore and took my phone. I found a way to contact him and told him what was going on. My mom contacted him and wanted to meet up with him. I don’t know what that meeting looked like or how it went but they met, and afterwards, he told me he couldn’t talk to me anymore, and my mom didn’t press charges. About a year later, I received an email from him saying he missed me. Our secret relationship started up again, but this time it was a bit different. His twin brother was dating this 17 year old girl that I went to school with, so naturally, the girl and I became friends to be each other’s cover. We would all hangout together and one time we all were in the same bed and having sex, but not with each other. I met some of his other siblings and had to lie about my age when they said I looked so young. He would also give me alcohol. There was a time that I went on a weekend trip with him and his brother to visit their friend (24). We stayed at the Friend’s house who was celebrating his girlfriend of 6 years’ birthday. It was a big celebration because she was finally turning 18. The Man had friends like him and even his twin brother was like him. About a week later, I found out that he gave me chlamydia and when I told him about it, and that he was the only guy I’ve ever been with, he denied it and said that I must’ve gotten it from a toilet seat or something. Somehow, my entire high school found out that I had an std. I don’t know how, but I continued to date him. On the same date that he broke up with me the year before, he broke up with me again, stating that I was too young. He still continued to see me and have sex with me, just without the title of being in a relationship with me. This allowed him to see other people, which I didn’t understand. About 2 weeks later, my mom found out and this time actually pressed charges. She took me to talk to a detective and I remember hating her for that. I didn’t tell the detective everything but I told him some things and that I loved him. The Man decided to turn himself in and I didn’t talk to him again after that. My mom was extremely mad at me for months. I knew she was disappointed in me, and every chance she got, she let me know. When I started my senior year of high school, things were a lot more normal. My mom was trusting me again, and even got me a car. I had a boyfriend that was my age, that she approved of. One day, at a Friday high school football game, I saw The Man. I was there with my boyfriend and avoided The Man. He stared at me and watched me. When the game ended, he texted me and said that he sees I moved on. I said yeah. The case against him was still going on. A few months passed and he contacted me begging me to ask my mom to drop the charges because he was facing 20 years. I told him that I would talk to her. He then asked me to marry him and said that if I marry him, the charges would automatically drop and that he could get us an apartment. He said we could start a family and that he would take care of us. I seriously thought about it, and then declined. I told my mom that he contacted me and she was mad at me. A few months later, I found out that she worked out a deal to bring his sentencing down to him being on probation for 10 years and being on the sex offender’s list for 3 years. At the time, my teenage self moved on from the situation very quickly. However when I turned 25 last year, all the memories and emotions I suppressed hit me like a ton of bricks. Ever since I was 16, my body has been sick. I have acne all over my body, irregular periods, mood swings, regular yeast infections and vaginal infections and have had terribly toxic relationships with men. I think that every guy I encounter has given me an STD. For the last two years, and being sexually active once out of those two years, I have been trying to convince myself that I do not have HIV even after testing negatively several times. I’m starting to believe I’m traumatized. I always feel like I have to please any male I encounter, and that I need to work hard and give him everything I have to avoid him leaving me. I’m overtly sexual and think that I must be a pornstar in order to receive love from the male kind however, I don’t really know what intimacy is. I don’t have healthy relationships at all. If I befriend a female, after a couple months, I cut her off and stop talking to her. I have dreams of being a doctor, but now think that I’m incapable of achieving something like that. My confidence is shot, and I hate myself. I feel guilty for The Man having to spend nearly all of his 20s on probation. I hate myself for being such a fast and loose little girl. I hate what I did to my mom and my sister. I still live at home, in the same bedroom where all of this took place and it’s starting to swallow me whole. I’ve been having flashbacks of what happened and I hate myself for that. I don’t know who I am anymore and I’m scared to interact with people or even exist on this planet. Last year, I went to see a naturopath about my skin issues, and she told me that she believes I’m suffering from rape trauma syndrome. I called her a sham and requested all my money back, because I don’t believe I was raped. I made all of that happen, it was my fault. Im in constant mental and emotional pain, sometimes my mind will checkout for a few days, other times I cope by taking lots of sleeping pills which get me high. Sometimes, I’ll just burst into tears for no reason at all. I’ve sought out therapist and they say that I need to heal from when my dad left me, my mom, and my sister when we were really little. When they tell me that, I find some reason to cut them off, and stop seeing them for this reason, and because I can’t afford it. Now, I just stay at home hoping that no one sees my face. Lately I’ve looked in the mirror and hate what I see. I’m ugly, fat, and undesirable which is why I’m always alone and always will be. I’m scared and I don’t know what to do.",4.196525070261174,4.693938117448045,4.987401106277861,86.60252979610834,70.43547607539875,8.083004493134991,25.862416984408284,8.070371743634876,1.2992154528041815,7891,218,1708,101,135,2560,554,2069,0.136,0.7929999999999999,0.071,-0.9993,5,3,4,0,2,0,242.0,13,0,14,14,79,78,13,8,89,1,151,45,10,10,17,297,327,150,0,34,27,25,10,7,11,16,15,12,7,23,118,149,10,10,42,7,2,30,33,47,1,13,149,38,343,30,226,137,32,294,0,14,15,20,327,98,0,18,163,1163,461,18,0.0,0.0,0.041900651935651394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02294348022073886,0.0214977728273295,0.022235068506284268,0.0,0.0686739536539078,0.07145461624561568,0.0,0.0,0.014599432447602331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851646111691667,0.015011393909477347,0.0,0.0,0.038223337561004316,0.0802812371750755,0.0,0.0,0.06603233115730944,0.0,0.0785226153278524,0.0,0.01826825774801397,0.07256352126813774,0.0,0.0,0.023438228355634957,0.04769370735111345,0.0,0.0,0.1534533937687398,0.02455444026358913,0.02188874085969219,0.0,0.022711007235707383,0.018493359069427503,0.0,0.02320000642697404,0.0,0.06856394737232706,0.047509352161990134,0.0707469808884172,0.06922758356465465,0.022133257077683904,0.03698186968584704,0.0,0.0,0.022430191783668743,0.02460495688314589,0.02197409443711329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043935620111464936,0.0,0.048298730460726975,0.05704461070483353,0.0,0.0,0.0708992734792507,0.03883928398305536,0.05426484367001578,0.0,0.03858931430905888,0.0,0.04047750464410693,0.0,0.03256561530232339,0.01533722282631,0.0,0.04703575932138564,0.01962197632330908,0.0730449622187401,0.0,0.16477502720179066,0.16586641931429374,0.0,0.04486597796784821,0.08237882174057436,0.03660342136363761,0.0,0.08585228685155215,0.0,0.0,0.04251471910796024,0.09492337416036052,0.0,0.01923171230699944,0.12717520742550853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341414792635947,0.08613930970122641,0.0213232343806673,0.021142316365076196,0.024771963853492656,0.09193062517021557,0.0,0.023189848683531345,0.022407714750568887,0.0,0.01908234117863048,0.0,0.022356317120887592,0.09438896086042207,0.06999932888394615,0.02421759595685509,0.06819666815843732,0.06997732145654044,0.04390634121525643,0.0,0.07341955745979982,0.04303449665627433,0.01895722978547893,0.0,0.05408482976038302,0.0,0.023435590419051626,0.054755688979908665,0.07750525495147098,0.02031417555686468,0.014330504575418212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021635370846390927,0.0,0.043354475286950016,0.3268700235033635,0.11995261838265872,0.0456355993175795,0.0,0.03183749498249702,0.0,0.02073457619676745,0.0,0.04029378674407763,0.02103473931425209,0.0,0.0,0.11263879378761715,0.0228634339150148,0.07273863529381944,0.032655783366941395,0.022844179559522115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02976734657730927,0.03749123080100935,0.044860383567337486,0.023566153797555462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025095727491824243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876690178131617,0.0662201080592113,0.0,0.16134522732645512,0.07295945740470401,0.0,0.16337297890341512,0.06829099535965258,0.08597553949949585,0.1520920882123155,0.1539697608008244,0.0,0.044793011917180665,0.024253487375058832,0.0,0.01775910647252786,0.02413168566556494,0.021484175381396457,0.0,0.0,0.0495828953173092,0.0636991936076115,0.024032419478194792,0.10636945064863236,0.0686482402501106,0.05143472509213976,0.0717950809173491,0.0,0.02244371623976239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048425306267534836,0.1207899315143072,0.07505825876997804,0.0,0.0,0.02492678168684979,0.08557698622983287,0.055025029947113314,0.0,0.05113118001474613,0.13770410154132276,0.0,0.0,0.4102847025152856,0.11926241687914828,0.02915163668793662,0.1167587456237539,0.06291531603572484,0.0446992872136977,0.05164833560386285,0.0,0.0,0.017713901926393074,0.06331389184319784,0.017040831726827778,0.10332523726220552,0.052286115080989945,0.01930291348035018,0.07960669227607681,0.03874427261366832,0.0239690044408426,0.0,0.02069503269796599,0.0,0.0625177926096558,0.0,0.0,0.19825946252513896,0.046945242981363815,0.0,0.22120192356441915 ptsd,spilledchaser,2019/10/12,"Spooky Symptoms Halloween is really triggering for me. Jump scares, gore, and all around spookiness are really tough on my PTSD. Anybody else experience this? How do you cope?",5.095344827586207,8.706432931034485,4.734051724137935,74.0348706896552,81.75862068965517,9.796551724137933,27.9396551724138,9.516144504307137,3.9889241379310345,141,6,21,5,4,43,28,29,0.14400000000000002,0.856,0.0,-0.5504,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3242414586398171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042669939208661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562863219336044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257647713044265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666694634738041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646572501704019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378573891054084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kyleejo06,2019/10/12,"Advice for Anniversary Response (TW- sexual assault) Trigger warning - sexual assault . . . . . . . . . . So two years ago this month, I was strangled and raped by a (former) pseudo-acquaintance. I am not dealing well with it as the anniversary has come around. Beyond that, I have a lot of stress at work, and so I think it's just reached a tipping point. I'm not sleeping, I feel nauseated, my thoughts keep returning to that night and to the ER visit afterward - the rape kit, the CT scan of my neck, etc. I don't feel like I'm functioning in life and in my job. I'm a physics teacher and yesterday, I legitimately forgot how to solve a problem part way through. One of my students had to tell me what I'd done wrong. I feel like randomly crying. I feel like vomiting. I feel angry and anxious and depressed and everything in between. How do I make it through this month in one piece? Does anyone have any advice? I can't keep this up...",3.528558052434456,5.456519983146074,4.550359550561797,83.5746029962547,73.8876404494382,7.892734082397005,29.84419475655431,8.648137234880735,2.4091628464419492,719,32,139,14,15,234,111,178,0.257,0.726,0.017,-0.9921,1,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,1,8,12,4,1,9,0,10,6,2,4,0,31,25,13,0,1,3,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,11,0,3,7,0,0,2,4,8,2,3,5,6,17,4,22,20,4,21,0,1,1,2,3,9,0,2,12,90,26,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734331991635133,0.12402011039342638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514232200513068,0.0,0.0,0.15805635690750333,0.0,0.09782701335872193,0.0,0.0,0.12454789264555037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051846055350865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368250468490086,0.0,0.1442391325460859,0.12050266223124625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243454217667064,0.14317458596197805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603454135340886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574040056442898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537087564315681,0.2998511753198066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13883722493774395,0.24871353808376195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882124558831958,0.20505612712935095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894488390185852,0.0,0.0,0.0933897592049447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233466596239552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13129429678071838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18961073140825804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150686439441874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322583995254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338731797069352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000916401974373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602642833942303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228586711619875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964747664608691,0.0,0.11107142260324003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366699077471915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105255668040458,0.0,0.0,0.12579420580738174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185478060304166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296757049879525,0.0,0.09009624481745096 ptsd,starspade94,2019/02/07,"Needing advice on how to talk and approach my mother about me moving in with an online friend? I am nervous as I am moving to move away from my abuser and my mother still enabling him I am 24 years old and want to a start over in my life, I feel depressed and stuck in the place I live. (its so expensive and hard to find a job) I am planning to move in with an online friend and her dad that I have known for 7 years. One of the main reasons i am doing is because i have a half brother who is 35 years old and getting out of jail this year and he always been abusive to me and suspect he has some behavioral issues, i have have developed PTSD from him. I do not trust him nor my mother words that he has changed for real this time, this is the 8th time he was arrested for the same crime (drug dealing and this a possession of a gun). He is trying to behave good in jail so he can get out early. But when he gets out, he will realize he is free again and act however he wants since he doesn't have the restrictions of jail anymore. I do not want to be miserable living with him and being cautious to come home. I do not want to take any chance this time. This is something i have been talking for a while my friend. I spoke with her father as well and he told me how they will help me with finding a job( job opportunities seem to be easier there than here)/ and budget/financial concerns adjust to living with them and that state.They also told me to take a visit to them and try to see how i like it for a few weeks and if i don't like it, i can just come back here since they do not want me to feel trapped. I really am set on doing this, especially if it means i can escape living with my brother when he gets out. I am very nervous to speak to my mother about this, because i know she will disapprove and has told me do not trust those people when i hinted it at her before. She also thinks it to far since i have to go on airplane which is hours away. I understand her concern and im nervous about it too, but this is my other option to escape from the upcoming hell my life will be. My mother wants me to help support him and her when he comes back, she tells me he is sick and full of wrinkles. I don't want to sound harsh but he had so many chances to turn around and improve himself but never did, at that point i don't think he deserves my support especially after ruining my life. Considering his record he is probably going to live with my mom for the rest of his life I will take my precautions and if i notice anything uneasy or if i don't feel comfortable then i will think of another alternative, because i know i am not going to feel happy nor be successful if her son is there, i don't want to be surrounded by such sadness and toxicity. I do feel guilty for leaving my mother and get anxious for her (like forbid she gets sick or something and i will be states away). How can i feel less anxious and tell her of my decision that can put her a bit at ease? i am so incredibly nervous of the whole thing in general",4.155455625990491,4.417318854199685,5.260823692551508,85.44207547543583,70.44215530903328,8.275134706814582,27.026980982567352,8.158263871857827,1.4985546434231374,2371,71,516,31,40,786,257,631,0.11800000000000001,0.7909999999999999,0.09,-0.97,4,1,3,1,1,0,43.0,0,0,4,4,30,27,1,5,20,0,68,7,0,5,1,105,116,58,0,14,18,12,7,3,3,7,7,3,1,0,26,43,0,2,22,0,2,14,15,10,1,2,10,11,89,18,84,92,9,67,1,4,1,0,72,26,1,10,28,372,115,4,0.0,0.15228407890430234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279779619360264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278340096806153,0.05347259100302403,0.0,0.0,0.04370155610176231,0.06738614884126883,0.0,0.14519949908855365,0.06373237532095552,0.0,0.0,0.0528835935325827,0.05720836535303681,0.0,0.0,0.18113373563842514,0.09882971940718244,0.0,0.11752376304089855,0.0,0.05468372100912732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015937469390572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798253017032835,0.16607260010618088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625310808256688,0.05535027675303676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452555170908577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949621081820372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747181298974027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895004970386674,0.0,0.20145095300033655,0.0,0.10956771627805034,0.05390138749196622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840996061757686,0.057567700479707135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861492787453576,0.0,0.06446178454172471,0.0,0.06328685228454382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941588153320033,0.06707466244313462,0.1913155779707358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063535660090378,0.0,0.0,0.06804603603999852,0.0,0.0,0.1815655585068059,0.09418807166878047,0.0,0.2837303586894453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515335948946051,0.0,0.07000206716445256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752649314458195,0.0,0.27320879917387186,0.0,0.047650758963088034,0.04956416846087846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316470933681106,0.13486799801598615,0.0,0.04354678255428392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044552395139940096,0.0,0.0671419446012966,0.0,0.06075001897133511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928719552053286,0.0,0.07512088889993879,0.06460282207043523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314622064888353,0.04116900608193322,0.06607384174694762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05120989131112278,0.058503307640415274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947892302220407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894675422824667,0.0,0.0,0.04548621551574935,0.0,0.0513211165858716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585149190301475,0.0,0.0,0.1449550348063873,0.10330554164731927,0.11233870625825222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04269398231934898,0.12353285522564154,0.0,0.0,0.11241813444490584,0.0,0.0,0.18422031139585093,0.0,0.08726174053329584,0.06990051004463352,0.0,0.06690083381285858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302432691104492,0.3032354148107541,0.0,0.05154850675586541,0.0,0.05778083219444102,0.0,0.0,0.07174818583080615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655350012262942 ptsd,LoveBlackblood,2019/02/07,"What would/did you do when/if your abuser/s died? I am happy because he can't affect anyone else also I feel like it is not enough but also ashamed because I shouldn't be happy that someone is dead, no matter who it is...right? and strange because I haven't seen him for years but he is not dead in my head, Ive been trying to 'kill' him in my head for years and even now that death actually got him... he won't go away.",0.3434676434676405,2.1432218571428585,2.2280586080586104,97.09749694749695,83.17582417582419,4.484004884004884,17.803418803418804,5.033348758259628,-0.7410156288156289,323,7,77,1,9,107,62,91,0.273,0.63,0.09699999999999999,-0.9711,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,4,5,1,1,0,0,12,2,2,1,0,10,16,6,5,1,4,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,2,0,0,3,2,12,3,6,10,1,7,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,4,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.18258983882867053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299259451825512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082984955625582,0.19171364997472132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579356823418746,0.0,0.0,0.3421768162256012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418794819120824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630422959135,0.0,0.0,0.19333196856791424,0.0,0.1235826777829343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460712701303503,0.13366956906713887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633745138585604,0.0,0.14964688609973534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983586283583357,0.0,0.0,0.3840523604866992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070066237634472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141122798242454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978870338455625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853549890754376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703364741476444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291573367886458,0.0,0.0,0.24098207131864344 ptsd,sniperbullet1997,2019/02/07,"has anyone taken olanzapine/zyprexa or valproate/valproic acid for anxiety? how that work out for social situations does it make you calm/relaxed around people and confident? ",7.627738095238098,11.478358678571427,7.014285714285716,61.39738095238097,69.35714285714286,9.447619047619048,37.904761904761905,9.725611199111238,5.170176190476192,145,8,17,4,3,45,27,28,0.06,0.8140000000000001,0.126,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,11,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025995016792675,0.0,0.0,0.2765821756885081,0.0,0.0,0.35212898710306817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.346154000740848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640369147651851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742289467078783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4446218762002707,0.0,0.4032198540777409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879697115986141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kylekk112,2019/02/07,How to cope after being robbed (NSFW triggering) I have lived in a semi rough area my entire life. A few times throughout my life I’ve had guns pulled on me and I’ve been hit and robbed before. The other day 2 men were able to force their way into my car at gunpoint. They were pushing my head in between the glass and gun leaving my neck all sore and bruised from it. They took all my money and were going to take the car but they couldn’t drive stick. Before they left they decided to throw punches and pistol whips. I had to walk home because they took the keys to my car and my phone was almost dead. I don’t know what to do from here. I had a spare key at home that I used to get my car but I’m really worried these people might know where I live and try to take the car again or try to break in my house. I’ve been too paranoid to leave my house and I’m always checking the windows and doors to make sure they are locked and no one is outside. I feel like this event ripped my sense of security away. I’m nothing but paranoid now.,2.1168949771689505,3.568456146118727,3.0024885844748894,95.20638127853884,76.57990867579909,5.597260273972603,20.38584474885845,5.82211442006289,-0.1985415525114158,812,18,186,4,18,257,130,219,0.09699999999999999,0.861,0.042,-0.875,0,0,0,4,0,0,14.0,0,0,8,0,7,3,0,0,9,0,17,5,2,4,3,30,32,16,1,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,4,1,6,12,0,1,4,0,2,13,3,0,0,1,11,2,28,3,25,17,3,32,0,0,0,0,10,11,0,3,7,111,34,0,0.14467882663941573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487494606616608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038437374314873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593052016347149,0.0,0.0,0.08819486985906896,0.0,0.2462220507420919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330587420172506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315396186123105,0.10335858265939504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558871552073756,0.0,0.08222431130404824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484822159745365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902493190196246,0.0,0.0,0.33387988198157714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902339888566264,0.0,0.0,0.3063879748754156,0.15719396846825864,0.0,0.2043818678332862,0.07068276668620567,0.0,0.2555081091231668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657424023131056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15348137165903128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882323617005174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803811724833143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030208162861744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268496105829488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635808190406656,0.0,0.2175609442614116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436338728974707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32148699964160066,0.1964548526411198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124956053754467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483931834130673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692837132969594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BestWesterChester,2019/02/07,"Looking for Feedback My partner suffers from PTSD. This morning, I didn't do a simple task that I usually do for them before leaving for work. On their way out the door I was told that I made it hard for them to have a good day at work (actually it was yelled at me and accompanied by a door slam, but I'm kind of used to that). I've been in a state for the past half hour, and wanted to get this off my chest. They called me after and apologized, but also said they can never trust me to do that simple thing again. I welcome any and all feedback. This hurts me, and they're hurting, and I'm not sure what to do next.",3.0338846480067865,3.62120560305344,4.228651399491096,90.67027141645464,73.12213740458014,7.04359626802375,24.47921967769296,6.937597516519254,0.6658644614079732,478,13,111,4,9,157,83,131,0.139,0.795,0.066,-0.8336,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,5,2,2,8,0,0,6,0,10,1,1,2,3,16,19,9,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,11,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,7,4,16,5,20,12,1,16,0,3,1,0,11,6,0,0,8,77,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.18580520792938932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522646742775461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948011337598073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201835878784132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442206688920746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279375107035423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947735870642176,0.0,0.0,0.15970044058227512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056308859002836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875079411344172,0.0,0.40765926389553453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982747264916659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20160857523537432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15989000290316308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801632881060652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14685001460261402,0.0,0.20249503771249205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18176056817959324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22257013432243172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111621724771185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945194243139467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649484742165734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18193758554920472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16444647982491264,0.20970126633556108,0.0,0.11230422721642418,0.15113250682378654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772303274174092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KimAndNumbers,2019/02/07,"Mirtazepine and what happened today To try and make a long story short, I went to the psych unit for a week back in November, went to partial hospitalization/intensive outpatient for a month, and was referred to a new psychiatrist clinic afterward. They diagnosed me with (nothing new with the current diagnosis of) PTSD, BPD, 3 types of anxiety disorders, insomnia, depression... finally took out the bipolar 2 diagnosis after 13 years of being misdiagnosed (3 clinicians have confirmed). However, they changed my medications AGAIN. Surprise, surprise. This was 3 weeks ago. I was put on Mirtazapine which he said would ""help"" with my marijuana usage (which i normally use only to regulate my anxiety and fibro). I was really weary begging this as i read all of the negative side effects, and I've had quite the opposite. Severe nausea, my PTSD symptoms have worsened, i refuse to even smoke since starting it. My second visit with him, i asked him why he said it would ""help"" with marijuana use and he said the long term effects of marijuana use has had some studies that have had shown signs of dementia. Then said he wanted me to up my dose of mirtazapine to 30mg from 15mg and THEN said i need to see a social worker because i have been hospitalized more than 10 times, more than 2 lethal suicide attempts, and basically kicked me out the door with no follow up care in hand. No other visit. Gave me a piece of paper with numbers to call (even though one of those numbers i have been on a waiting list for this counseling place with DBT therapy, psych services, 9 yards for over 5yrs).... said he would put in a referral. Said to call him... he woukd put in 60 day scripts. But said he normally isnt allowed to up my dose without a followup visit but go ahead and do it. Even though im not doing well. And i dont trust his word on this dementia shit. Thoughts???? I have no one to turn to besides my partner and using my CBT skills and my therapist and going through EMDR....trying not to break. TLDR; Got prescribed a new med from a new psych after being hospitalized, then being told I'm a liability and they aren't able to provide the help i need and marijuana causes dementia. Upped meds without follow-up care.",5.356666666666668,6.881227758454107,6.294898550724643,74.5106086956522,68.5169082125604,9.577971014492757,32.399033816425124,9.888512548439397,3.3670459903381644,1748,77,309,42,30,579,220,414,0.087,0.875,0.038,-0.9412,3,0,1,0,0,1,70.0,0,0,3,7,8,8,1,0,20,0,27,10,2,9,1,56,62,23,2,8,6,0,1,0,1,3,8,8,2,1,13,25,0,2,4,2,0,12,11,2,1,3,24,10,34,6,62,32,6,58,0,1,1,0,36,17,1,1,28,198,47,8,0.07139878775309819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06329071738678113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923975440808828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674822842127327,0.0,0.0,0.05490126059798239,0.0,0.043524038314700086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992427374197241,0.0,0.14581229031789542,0.0,0.145591645188088,0.07334622272368709,0.07553045030137258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046046311426410885,0.0,0.061495671270074916,0.0724682666367195,0.0,0.0,0.0818291964659304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367884749620692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147467779874998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821388203834513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811551529315903,0.0,0.057104132969542164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631377122119471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435713072271468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712294286683842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637136074533947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0476592452458661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586159149783425,0.07192676712780723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698983120035427,0.0,0.0,0.10588259285633532,0.0,0.2758295765037984,0.0,0.0,0.13991130520001882,0.06850906248505206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967633327933,0.05430199543882828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459653674465838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16692272415974874,0.21532650650809945,0.0,0.07594139942592187,0.07141810927906428,0.0,0.04573989170508309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5433327784885998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056895589807006576,0.0,0.0,0.08066030730405828,0.07328982960040553,0.05906181504407727,0.0,0.0,0.07278207265292322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05053642945918668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809868530970904,0.0,0.0,0.07421067858303411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165073626172108,0.08289949564243229,0.0,0.0,0.1402978929119463,0.056682662153976014,0.041633207312673004,0.0,0.06767770234881347,0.06822460142591512,0.07932668029579375,0.0969501802896716,0.07766137839734492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466625135885453,0.0,0.0,0.042112854895580636,0.0,0.11454360165409705,0.0,0.06419608483973402,0.13237478312193407,0.06442630057614787,0.0,0.0,0.1376517670446081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215895086551134,0.0,0.0,0.04597847841178649 ptsd,gravitylow,2019/02/07,"Small victories and small dark ages Hi, I'm 21 year old female currently finishing up college. As a child I went through a lot of trauma, some physical but mostly emotional and neglect. For about 20 years of my life I've completely repressed everything and have ignored what had happened to me and was left wondering why I was suffering from depression and anxiety. It wasn't until this year that I realized everything stemmed from my childhood. It was such a cathartic revelation realizing the path of recovery that I needed to go on. The downside is that I had to place my 1.5 relationship on pause which of course, isn't going well. Today I felt better, I checked out two books on overcoming CPTSD and childhood abuse. I'm determined to recover and put this all in my past. It's just a bit tricky when there's so much darkness and so much hope looming over my head at once. Thanks for listening.",6.401699838622919,7.428025544378697,6.670457235072623,74.60303926842391,65.74556213017753,11.11586874663798,36.073695535233995,11.022393298168332,4.288297041420118,723,35,129,21,11,233,116,169,0.215,0.6970000000000001,0.08900000000000001,-0.972,1,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,10,0,1,6,0,9,2,1,0,1,24,21,14,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,10,9,0,3,4,1,1,4,2,6,1,1,8,2,13,4,24,13,7,29,0,3,0,0,4,12,0,5,13,85,23,2,0.0,0.19493958012527776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258639887379658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145512245875436,0.1796227043967841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17250518914591845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170830972862875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18507261838758735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957355347783451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15797333292766658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701087914297396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549216705666718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688538906930795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341410143404098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876089062344416,0.0,0.11621147133434293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987639888199702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24189501925870002,0.12199593039207415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17264517141082672,0.17521767299552604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706124046155606,0.0,0.0,0.17189745091601485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539676504505388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664222759837794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147590206209496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595394940968052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16072061196835716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793104109526503,0.15251973333634805,0.14846154157125566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842433353843468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31785322405932204 ptsd,MsRisingSun,2019/02/07,"What is this I think I have ptsd. I’m afraid at night. Every noise elicits such fear in me that I have a panic attack. My body is so tense, just waiting to be beaten, rapped, or kidnapped in my sleep. All I can do is hold my breath and wait for morning :/ ",0.8038888888888921,2.474656055555556,2.170148148148151,98.7396666666667,81.03703703703705,4.32,18.20740740740741,3.1291,-0.8940548148148149,193,4,46,0,5,62,44,54,0.294,0.706,0.0,-0.951,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,3,1,0,8,3,3,1,1,9,12,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,0,5,11,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,31,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683280906128222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596286218664376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727849860943951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3643243144424918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30383041707942354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798670894242379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3784625852705796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239976430210589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074547858311735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ariana_mcclair,2019/02/07,"I can’t breathe. And I’m pissed. (Tw: sexual assault. Suicidal thoughts. Self-harm) So for some unknown reason, my head came up with the idea “let’s look up Joe (name changed, rapist from 2012) on Instagram” I go to Joe’s Instagram. And the first thing I see in his bio is “advocate for mental health” You have to be fucking kidding me. You willfully destroyed my mental health 6 years ago. And now you’re getting paid to parade around the state and be an “advocate” I want to punch something. I want to cut. I want some kind of physical release because I can’t sit still. I wanna leave and go somewhere but it’s almost midnight and I have nowhere to go. And my friends are either not answering their phones, and the ones that do answer are being very short and just like “it’s okay. Close your eyes and breathe.” No. I can’t close my eyes. When I close my eyes I’m back where it all happened. Fucking advocate for mental health. I have PTSD because of you. I started having suicidal thoughts because of you. I had a history of abuse in the past, but it didn’t traumatize me. You did. You broke me. I was barely 18 and scared so I never reported it. Fuck you. Fuck everything you stand for right now. ",0.3146014368799186,2.7273463080168803,1.6456608507241448,94.67275401984264,96.46835443037978,5.093807731782416,22.017219751396965,6.766488616294105,0.7826082563576238,933,37,193,15,37,296,134,237,0.16899999999999998,0.743,0.08900000000000001,-0.9718,0,0,1,0,1,0,35.0,0,9,1,1,10,15,9,1,7,1,20,15,7,1,2,38,41,16,2,4,5,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,7,17,0,0,6,0,1,4,7,11,0,2,8,5,35,4,23,28,4,30,0,1,5,5,15,12,5,3,12,123,42,1,0.0,0.13459324210332602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069641707429676,0.0,0.11375045622379022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011249425901643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734867391839267,0.0,0.2077420621468616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299240998003434,0.0,0.0,0.120170003428417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209318293749883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662509977159524,0.0,0.0,0.08776435131560165,0.4200724260110503,0.05934946731181021,0.0,0.19367847604065627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045298369992917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658275130959538,0.3622432083747287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282365881780574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182932433238759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028226021787262,0.0,0.11616008747668105,0.0,0.05549749750411341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539242521297392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34343557224949617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761260104540818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697590830664361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084406847952874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278819505590309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679609113349698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701076512148964,0.0,0.0,0.1137298840292124,0.0,0.09052167959927468,0.0,0.11850589319512113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745211280786393,0.0,0.0,0.08040416649363014,0.0,0.09071828807522288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485122025348773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546844739133017,0.0,0.0,0.1803658174470414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372898494252964,0.20100642444165545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315240259169184 ptsd,AtThePlaza,2019/02/07,"(TW: rape/sexual abuse mention) advice needed from women about nerves seeing gyno I have PTSD from rape and sexual abuse. I have been in therapy for two years, which has helped a lot of my symptoms, but lately I have been triggered and having a lot of physical pain as a consequence. On Friday, I’m going to get my very first Pap smear done and I am nervous. What others consider “not painful” can still be painful for me because of the sexual trauma. I also know that telling her of my sexual history is necessary but also this gives me anxiety. Any advice women have for surviving the gyno after being raped - and how their bodies responded - would be helpful.",6.284573170731707,7.276137731707318,7.0989329268292725,71.5513262195122,65.99186991869918,10.377642276422764,30.00914634146341,10.411451182825502,3.3791146341463416,523,18,85,13,8,174,86,123,0.223,0.688,0.08800000000000001,-0.9608,0,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,5,7,2,1,5,0,16,10,1,2,0,14,23,10,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,7,0,2,3,1,12,0,15,16,2,8,0,0,1,2,10,2,0,2,5,68,17,0,0.0,0.3601949446713542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29706912092434945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431118321179837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336654819981736,0.0,0.11628108676147933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265898670139934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883991612107144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555078359375776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929279331638066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941475277874874,0.14581413487566255,0.08638621928722186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20376742542246465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835363044704508,0.0,0.17146483664637802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584532690782997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270753063452794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4852224213508573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776821622829013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112588591107673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138896516382895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579882415829217,0.0,0.0,0.1328564166926825,0.0,0.1738274934584597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848383252463446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541753961004545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797783440041718,0.0,0.0,0.09788428152976314 ptsd,aslklairufsadc,2019/02/07,"[TW: Suicidal Thoughts/Rape] Asking for help as the SO of a trauma victim Hi, I'm using a throwaway that I just kind of found on my system b/c there's a nonzero chance people will recognize my account, and I don't really want that. This is also kind of a rant, I'm half venting, and half asking for help. TW below, nothing graphic, but Rape/Suicidal Thoughts/Shitty Therapists are mentioned. My SO was raped before we met. I met her very, very soon after, so I guess I've never known her pre-trauma. She's had a really, really difficult life before this nightmare happened, and the trauma was really just a horrific layer of icing on top of a cake that really didn't need it. We've tried therapy before. It gives her tremendous anxiety, and every time she goes she comes back worse for wear. I can't keep telling her therapy is something that will help when every time she goes, it hurts her deeply. Her first therapist actually fucking blamed her for it. Said it was because ""She got involved boys"", and that it was par for the course. Fuck them, it still pisses me off to think about it. She struggles with intimacy, and gets so upset with herself for not wanting to have sex (which is something I totally understand, and really, truly do not have problems with). She also struggles with self-image/anxiety/self-worth on a really deep level. They've confided in me recently that they really just want to die, and I'm terrified. She's mentioned it before, sometimes with intent behind her words. She says she would never act on it, swore on it even, but I'm still this nervous wreck. We've been together for almost two years, and I've sort of watched every step of the way as she struggled with her trauma. She's just so important to me, she's a wonderful, kind person who truly cares about others. We connect on so many levels, my life has only been improved since I met her. Right now, we're long distance for a variety of reasons, and I try to talk to her every day, even though sometimes life gets in the way. I'm so afraid of losing her, and I just don't know what to do to help. I tell her I love her every day, because, well, I do. I just wish I could take some of the burden off of her shoulders. She struggles with enough already. But at the same time, I know I can't. In multiple ways, it's not possible for me to carry this burden for her. What should I say to her? Is there anything I can do to help? Thank you for reading this far. ",4.303824744773942,5.3607403037190124,5.32126883811376,82.26634175984445,70.54958677685951,8.338745746232378,27.251823043266892,8.671277953709913,1.9594180359747198,1913,63,372,32,34,630,223,484,0.201,0.688,0.111,-0.995,0,0,2,0,0,1,80.0,2,1,2,3,29,28,5,7,17,0,30,11,3,3,3,62,67,27,2,9,12,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,2,28,21,0,1,8,1,1,3,10,21,1,4,14,4,63,7,59,48,4,44,0,2,1,5,62,19,3,5,18,251,91,1,0.0,0.0,0.06711365926478921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688673867271085,0.0,0.0758939956209416,0.10999734163975464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05261204407581868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05659527365463402,0.0,0.12858911134362006,0.0,0.0,0.05288308378300766,0.0,0.08384817906551703,0.0,0.2340869784545503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011983956949919,0.0,0.0,0.05924284906846099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491057047110071,0.0,0.0,0.08870728717478077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137671993052266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106209166235675,0.0,0.09084936797098192,0.0,0.2897259795797872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584992652726098,0.0,0.07540731652542983,0.0,0.12716120522005994,0.07186331999177505,0.06597444093975488,0.0,0.0,0.055004978306368565,0.0,0.0757624907906762,0.0,0.0608167624641852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304893483996541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362416058762195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112963329562821,0.0,0.21485311283047426,0.07559295935624696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573166908019453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060862967309662015,0.0,0.07694069317267785,0.0,0.0,0.062071364426883525,0.0,0.0,0.0697262036013664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05099516812724559,0.10608574380557242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599066126772067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052305847681785096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04767934299625034,0.060050943676501885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753253177316823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06580758286546186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687927711584741,0.0,0.3524679031292771,0.07071129069127116,0.06790618591893463,0.0,0.0,0.058732756773920085,0.06541997518341801,0.10938394468085433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434928957129397,0.0,0.0,0.05689069575694269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058914165758272,0.13603880537192306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984626586123486,0.0,0.0,0.28759073756929354,0.0,0.15045553685256816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170960919054522,0.055278064603987334,0.12022329418246007,0.06331800633068142,0.15729849113269875,0.15970420080987854,0.0,0.04406770468126337,0.0675702629104527,0.0,0.1203082971041466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338628022732176,0.0,0.06718236094023552,0.07159632590075639,0.0,0.05939879262403349,0.0,0.11349176905061975,0.12169434414770867,0.16376918085083478,0.0,0.0,0.061836229189343686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908688976990623,0.0,0.0745826426958858,0.0,0.0,0.0700867444729248,0.048855189961710385,0.0,0.0,0.044288304122384235 ptsd,BubonicZombie,2019/02/07,"I hate my separation anxiety. I didn't realize that folks with PTSD dealt really hard with isolation. I just thought it was me being way to sensitive. But nope, I am clingy like a little puppy and I whine whenever I have to leave a friend.",2.2102127659574435,4.6961202340425565,4.395148936170212,80.29400000000003,80.70212765957447,9.71744680851064,24.293617021276606,9.888512548439397,2.93604170212766,189,7,37,7,5,65,39,47,0.32,0.615,0.066,-0.8556,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,1,8,2,4,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,25,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26456613661042183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671946041886625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30980410495279304,0.34144473357082844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661939093500592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895962491363872,0.3466218583625213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40426766320304014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215535269730874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745577929962987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27451115826330313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ReapCrew,2019/02/07,First time I went to a new Doctor today to discuss experiencing night terrors for the first time. He heard I have ptsd and immediately suggested medication. I haven't been on meds for over 10 years and am petrified of side effects. Anyone on meds? Can you share how it's working for you?,3.766363636363636,6.097911090909093,5.219999999999999,77.23000000000002,74.45454545454545,8.036363636363637,27.363636363636363,8.841846274778883,2.2891090909090903,230,9,43,5,5,77,43,55,0.134,0.826,0.04,-0.7399,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,4,1,2,0,1,2,0,5,2,0,2,0,4,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,3,2,5,1,9,4,0,13,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,8,27,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656100080440644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438166091228474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052402489815487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5291921374109432,0.2399701167352635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23006336276396155,0.0,0.2235426465644777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784531211531199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27780271567420706,0.0,0.2257939120795057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082177071944906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734187072822797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533985367669974 ptsd,Newyork3er1,2019/02/07,"being an army wife with PTSD This is the first time I feel confident in talking about this, so here goes A few years ago I was drugged beaten and raped by my ex husband and his friends... just so my ex could make a buck$. I’ve been through a lot since then but I was diagnosed with PTSD. I met my husband and things have been ok until he re-enlisted into the army. We moved far away from my family, friends, and doctors that have worked with me on “recovery”. I’ve tried to find doctors in our new state but because I never served, military doctors don’t take me seriously. Unfortunately they are the only doctors my insurance covers 🙄 I’m so angry and foggy and the flashbacks and nightmares have been constant due to the fact that I ran out of medicine and because no one around here takes my disorder seriously, since I’ve never seen war. My new doctor won’t write me a script until I see a psychologist... I know it’s a long shot but is there anyone else out there who has experienced people not taking their PTSD seriously.???",5.989884488448844,6.164697014851488,6.45519801980198,78.76401815181518,66.47524752475248,9.505610561056104,31.684818481848183,9.2995712137729,2.6167610561056107,815,30,160,14,12,265,129,202,0.12,0.815,0.065,-0.8855,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,2,3,10,9,3,0,12,1,16,8,0,1,3,31,27,17,1,1,5,5,1,0,2,1,7,0,0,0,7,16,0,0,3,0,1,2,6,6,0,2,8,4,23,3,20,16,2,26,0,0,2,1,17,9,0,1,14,106,30,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065218693643857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939440470404115,0.11634188348460192,0.0,0.10108052422572177,0.0,0.0,0.10668074409694353,0.0,0.0,0.13843387534725207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270350844878095,0.0,0.09065770005456213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152473825806596,0.0,0.0,0.1301342111389563,0.5810986498873824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167797731115635,0.0,0.09485359268714083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704160468052837,0.0,0.057412559560650826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377951166296154,0.09658265792899913,0.0,0.0,0.17545160297918966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06240222762903275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048514498121827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653323684073596,0.0,0.0,0.07579321991914076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206820386894211,0.0,0.0,0.17514823574911434,0.21932797764951187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694209722244535,0.08635728621196077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787188976378887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981896065435265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048191863772152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18785379891628265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561186780459125,0.0912644351983644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543529844791147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620992047838417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770906704248825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0826632582821075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312027095339431 ptsd,ThatVikingGuy,2019/02/07,"How do I know the difference between PTSD and irrational paranoia? My question is how can I tell the difference between PTSD symptoms and paranoia in the sense of the mental illness on its own. I don’t exactly feel safe in my own house, but safe enough knowing that I know my exit points, choke point at the top of the stairs and have a weapon at hand if need be, but outside on my own I feel insanely vulnerable. Just going outside to the shop down the street has me on edge, anyone who looks at me long enough has me thinking that they have malicious thoughts, making them the ‘enemy’, even though I know they aren’t and it’s all in my head, I can’t feel but to get the fight or flight response from simply being looked at. If I’m walking down the street alone and see someone walking toward me I instinctively get on edge and create an exit/action plan. Just to clarify because I’m more than aware that this post does sound crazy enough as it is, I have absolutely no need or desire to take ‘preemptive action’ against any of these people, rationally I know that I’m not under threat and I will never take any action against the imaginary threat except avoid them or come back later when the area is less busy. When I hear a car stop outside my house or hear a neighbours door open/close I immediately go into sentry mode and watch out my window until they leave or I have deemed the area clear, I also can not go to sleep until I’ve checked twice that all of my locks are locked and all doors are secured. I understand that people with PTSD rarely feel safe and are on edge a lot of the time, but am I taking this to an extreme where it’s become it’s own mental illness aside from the PTSD? ",8.601404549950544,6.349315866468843,8.053305637982195,77.33993867457964,62.44213649851632,10.885776458951533,34.33610286844708,9.029198982220553,2.7100023343224526,1345,40,271,16,15,425,174,337,0.11199999999999999,0.785,0.10300000000000001,0.4307,1,2,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,5,2,11,9,4,1,22,0,22,6,3,3,6,61,54,30,0,5,16,0,5,0,1,1,3,3,3,0,15,14,0,6,13,1,2,9,7,5,0,1,1,12,34,4,41,50,13,48,0,0,4,0,12,28,0,9,10,184,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109777326537923,0.0,0.07806119187104935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13276056342923065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825337630188605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505847847555941,0.0,0.05950406343007353,0.10780604278411256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408507586058543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039699083997348,0.0,0.0,0.08542191561026939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025813982039994,0.0,0.06447255759845838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742454379524266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019976724299513,0.0,0.1664273889110033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017924185051877,0.0,0.22003420357977815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225264912882167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682281415370027,0.0,0.0,0.10335821981670397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638455617519827,0.1639409042722,0.0,0.0,0.08298719997071127,0.0,0.0,0.0651575281602862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967421702094271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475781121018072,0.07528527033963188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353453196752791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455193513454,0.0,0.09348640425373987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564181427515958,0.0,0.1093490553273933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778503364712179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768363389068,0.0,0.08270729578031856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08160895490495458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014574266676497,0.22017879692873996,0.0,0.08531818582745487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254655792877055,0.09590441331036267,0.07749392875284848,0.056919006247037066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161872005425296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,okhi2u,2019/02/07,"Free Internal Family Systems (IFS) training for Veterans and active-duty military Apparently you can get free courses from this website as a Veteran, or active-duty military. (Even in person ones!!) I don’t qualify, but wanted to share for others that do. You can find the courses at this website: https://www.pesi.com/ Just type in “IFS” as your search, they have loads of other courses on many other trauma/therapy topics might be worth digging and see if you find something that you can get for free if you qualify. From the FAQ from that site: [-] Do you have military discounts? PESI, Inc. is proud to offer free tuition on live webcasts and most live in-person seminars for veterans and active-duty military personnel. We can honor the military discount for registrations placed via fax, mail, or phone. Please note that we will ask you to state your branch of service and MOS. Here are instructions on how to register for the discount: https://www.pesi.com/events/discounts/military",8.729129244249728,10.46896206626506,7.99545454545455,64.6177272727273,60.86746987951807,11.337568455640746,36.17524644030668,11.20814326018867,4.741031325301204,797,35,112,22,11,249,100,166,0.0,0.8320000000000001,0.168,0.9839,1,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,2,9,1,2,4,7,0,0,5,0,14,0,0,1,0,21,19,15,0,5,8,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,2,0,9,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,13,11,23,16,1,10,1,0,1,0,18,8,0,8,0,82,22,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060099835470997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455479130807057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773895269140213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4028162157701757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302615083727316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3891697471167109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223413847512088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337706885337183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932390767660472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848255513867118,0.23023279674850344,0.24189278227067915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756010578448304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696464712962462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25200469333392483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997601208835904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SlurpinNoodles,2018/11/13,"Anybody else ever get paranoid that people are talking about you subliminally? I've recently started going out with groups more often and I realized that I'm always overanalyzing what people say (as a result of a previous trauma where people were talking about me through subtext). It consists of people speaking in sentences that have two or more meanings, one meaning is the obvious while the other is hidden for only the overthinkers to get. An poor example would be if a conversation isn't going very well and the person says ""I need a vacation"" as a topic starter. The obvious meaning would be that well, she wants or deserves a vacation. The hidden meaning would be along the lines of ""this conversation is torture and I want to get out of it right now"". It's been eating me alive recently because I can't fully tell whether a person is actually talking about me or not. Just wondering if anyone could relate.",6.975160587915077,8.234345449101799,7.571627653783345,67.81826891671207,64.5688622754491,9.66554164398476,36.738704409363095,9.800150414767053,4.004298203592814,738,36,112,15,11,244,103,167,0.09699999999999999,0.872,0.031,-0.8948,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,10,4,1,0,15,0,17,1,0,1,3,33,32,12,0,9,8,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,2,10,7,1,0,6,0,1,2,3,2,2,2,2,3,9,2,18,23,2,14,0,0,0,0,14,5,0,7,7,91,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.1192355213208462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166820831226447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543501334050453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448320842733283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975552602535823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250263737325722,0.10207039131824587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052387157507844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915108008622974,0.0,0.13888178590069244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5323837587269491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059907510789524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279612558530115,0.09292765563356006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388324451786217,0.21337550816076675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24128708127832416,0.0,0.0,0.10434583584422318,0.0,0.19433378854660235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648359744023312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2946244738940274,0.10679560102808903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193575781447058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081591733052277,0.14413646665677834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21971905882279802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250507245096607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603914363243358,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,scenegrandma,2018/11/13,"Have you ever been “let go” by your psych doc? Because I have! And it literally makes me feel 10k x crazier than I already feel as it is. She left me alone, meds unfilled, and then told all her colleagues I was trying to scam ADHD medication off of her, so now none of them want to take my case either. Backstory, I’ve been seeing this doctor for 3 years almost now and at first I let her know my commitment issues with mental health, and having people just leave me stranded or pass me to new doctors every week and it made me bail the first few times I’ve tried to get my brain right. So we have appointments every 3-6 ish months depending on medication change. She had me taking Prozac at the beginning and increased it to the full dosage. Then I kept bringing up attention and focus problems and I tried to bring up going to a sleep doctor and she at first didn’t think it was a good idea and then she tried to prescribe me a bipolar medication just for sleep even though I told her over and over I hate the way the sleep medications leave me feeling foggy. She still told me to fill it and come back in 2 weeks. I go to pick it up and it’s not covered by my insurance and i didn’t want to take it anyway so I just refused it and canceled the upcoming doctors appointment that was just for labs off the new med anyway. I call her back 6 months later wondering when my return appointment is and they said she never set one. Made me feel uneasy. I set one up because I’ve been feeling bad again. Tried bringing up attention problems again and I felt ignored. So 3 months goes by and I come back for our appointment, she’s 5-10 minutes late per usual, she has me fill out ptsd specific paperwork talking about my symptoms and such. She has a student she wants me to see and the second I’m alone with this student I tell her what’s really going on. I told her about the long gaps between treatment and the fact that her appointments are 10 minutes tops. She never even inquired why I’m in there. She never checks or responds to the emails my therapist sends her so my doctors can work together easier. So I come back in after talking to this student and everything seems Gucci. I schedule some tests she recommends and I go off for 3 more months. I come back last Monday after the last visit, and she had me get ADHD testing done, and it came back positive and my therapist and I discussed results. I go back in to my psych doc’s office with this info and she blows it off and tells me I’m just trying to scam meds off of her. Her office calls me today to tell me none of her colleagues will take my adult adhd case, which isn’t what it was to begin with. She was treating me for Ptsd.... so I have a bad feeling she just shit all over me to her colleagues. So here I am waiting for Prozac withdrawals and knowing I won’t get a new area doctor. Makes me feel lost lonely and stupid. Like I’ll always be too severely broken. Now I feel so alone. So fucked up in the head. And like giving up all together. ",3.271707920792082,4.812295052805284,4.249261551155119,87.08399133663366,73.71947194719472,7.0962046204620455,25.00123762376238,7.720077496677588,1.2300584158415844,2366,75,482,31,48,766,258,606,0.10800000000000001,0.841,0.051,-0.986,0,5,0,0,0,0,47.0,2,2,2,6,42,15,4,0,19,0,31,22,6,7,9,99,91,50,0,5,10,0,9,2,0,2,15,1,0,1,22,43,0,4,19,0,1,20,10,11,0,6,24,12,93,4,70,62,11,103,0,2,2,1,56,31,2,7,51,332,115,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946517908295253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054061888123687264,0.1677480447390028,0.05957787706940663,0.0,0.04492292644008914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905978644592609,0.09015662499341492,0.06582202536560809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602692484880767,0.11025700559454232,0.06174869430113044,0.0,0.0,0.057112889889328326,0.18602595107369785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33155835572929776,0.0,0.05524918838333202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131805925520325,0.04883587342654253,0.09097562279593584,0.0,0.048521565692005206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183864862398022,0.0,0.0518376221307312,0.0,0.0,0.13776829141278438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049911686626944826,0.08462060817670293,0.0517908841124048,0.1840981469661365,0.04528316320380663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053302667607844426,0.05540798575832728,0.057387467428971176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094667497250494,0.0,0.056350179978305937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05934155927608621,0.0880159986165223,0.0609016093787981,0.11433248377254193,0.058658884560814216,0.1104142148009894,0.0,0.0527523071258592,0.0,0.0,0.047778303866950485,0.0,0.0,0.05893504771511311,0.0,0.0,0.10217083370459863,0.07207575792477912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990783685335413,0.21755175639360186,0.054407915071329166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237307290874673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491824982108927,0.1564278794336331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316828575888615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03742896934783144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331979625306316,0.12621981104207994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03458654606292928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0461060579877868,0.05135562052666312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604401384793299,0.04914928819296696,0.0,0.06099186793028229,0.05541862853026749,0.0,0.0,0.1620830811490642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04311544853100471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056114935070738496,0.16237114488204835,0.08678814998909701,0.141565520099695,0.0,0.0,0.12537009239625968,0.0,0.03459378137559508,0.05304362728947715,0.0,0.031481247304904016,0.0,0.051174978393320664,0.2063540801588889,0.0,0.2199287154865772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05946092968119258,0.0,0.09553180875976522,0.0428537200457888,0.08661296315187793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04871640770180126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854844618064705,0.039304419310664765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034766955106628056 ptsd,Laura2884,2018/11/13,"Possible PTSD So... unexpected death of a Father, then robbery/ held hostage at gunpoint...PTSD or nah? Asking for a friend",3.6014285714285705,6.851760571428571,3.9971428571428578,78.87285714285716,86.14285714285714,6.609523809523811,30.809523809523807,7.793537801064563,2.8906380952380952,96,5,15,2,3,30,19,21,0.226,0.638,0.136,-0.2732,0,0,0,1,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,8,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32631901968414306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696787904806399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935067207089025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8160525155369627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kokobolo,2018/11/13,"I just found this new subreddit for getting comfort after nightmares I get lots of bad dreams because of my PTSD and just found this lovely support subreddit. Hopefully this helps someone. r/IHadBadDreams",7.648137254901961,10.814871852941177,6.182941176470589,70.91990196078433,65.76470588235293,9.239215686274509,40.74509803921568,9.725611199111238,4.995227450980392,169,10,22,4,3,50,27,34,0.077,0.526,0.397,0.9274,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,4,4,5,1,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212059786959761,0.16149923027635724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5809654407186003,0.0,0.0,0.2768306000946465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757739174923493,0.0,0.0,0.2631358564741003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252345158547007,0.23911020343833725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558716172585237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30968968541606123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22447483141142446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.300640096958069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gr33nthundah,2018/11/13,"Psychiatrist said I have ""symptoms of PTSD"", but didn't say anything else What exactly does this mean..? Can I get a diagnosis or is this one?",4.508888888888889,5.962494148148147,5.8453703703703725,77.1991666666667,70.48148148148148,9.844444444444443,32.01851851851852,10.125756701596842,3.269607407407406,110,5,22,3,2,37,25,27,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,4,7,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29015576240666585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085583886826626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29454800076878457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842164111488518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840794812029939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389275964124987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.412164857480775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353987276712384,0.28039781252407736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664813633457765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,distortionisgod,2018/11/13,"Memory related issues Ok so I've always had a poor memory even before my PTSD (possibly due to suffering from severe depression and anxiety since I was very young) but especially since my trauma about 6 years ago it's gonna a lot worse. Sometimes I can't remember significant portions of even the day before or several days, sometimes months and weeks just blend together and I'll remember certain events but not in relation to the time they occured. I know it's definitely a symptom of how often and how severe my disassociation can be cause it's a big problem for me but damn I really hate it. I can't even remember things I enjoyed (like the evening I spent with my date and how much I enjoyed it. I'll remember enjoying it but not why or the specifics, and I hate it) Anyone else have any experience with this? Maybe you were able to do some things to help the memory issues? I'm 27 and feel like my life is just weird tangents of spotty memory from all over the place, not 27 years of lived experiences. ",4.9238868745467705,6.21288984771574,6.3100398839738965,74.88549492385789,69.30456852791879,10.501667875271936,29.807469180565626,10.608840637214634,3.3530220449601162,808,31,152,24,14,274,120,197,0.196,0.6779999999999999,0.126,-0.9263,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,0,12,15,3,0,10,1,10,2,0,4,2,36,17,17,0,1,11,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,6,0,2,0,5,8,0,0,4,1,17,7,16,11,5,16,0,2,0,0,3,4,1,5,14,94,27,0,0.10565119245898613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365340748671122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791025566644231,0.0,0.0,0.0718464338058732,0.0,0.08082287305109395,0.0,0.0,0.07387377027990409,0.10825213195452536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798027664091654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853287761575016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627255766193452,0.0,0.09099721725271592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825801443457099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27912646479613273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066942781985385,0.0,0.0,0.05342041737040635,0.07547723300280611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20861735903862894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708157672737019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205447917712764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058063132358076724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746245617107418,0.10323167197519216,0.0,0.09329193856085982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982086570623439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061408233104918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432977384959163,0.0,0.07766578283936328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038300940959246,0.0,0.0,0.1191058451141384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109392267804232,0.12350059021285426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768285924262381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478728822347736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35806732518699824,0.0,0.17479151634274298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898346167186668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10981204208397613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037991541873404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06160605994721832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717329846663613,0.0,0.0,0.08474701380890969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953337682024682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766759114959394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607180806635488 ptsd,throwawayiguessidk99,2018/11/13,"Needing help Can someone help me find a sub that helps loved ones of someone who attempted suicide? Please it would mean so much My husband tried to kill himself in front of me with a knife and I need help and I know that. I need someone to talk to about the nightmares and the anxiety I can’t afford therapy right now but it is first on my list when I catch up.",1.887942857142857,3.859548346666666,2.748571428571428,94.44000000000004,78.86666666666667,5.885714285714287,25.380952380952376,6.868970318607317,0.8458952380952378,286,11,63,3,7,90,55,75,0.091,0.759,0.15,0.3612,1,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,12,10,6,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,10,1,10,9,1,9,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,3,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366964528844423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331833789971406,0.1519926130904155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.479085379134475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976926966809025,0.0,0.09820269853178082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127363024757174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946445018234466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131356837784309,0.3974864721390376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108416422017865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961466574767902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525992699988942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45420735427045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954565591001562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362329931132847,0.0,0.0,0.20434623059815252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213179746138648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269354059526246,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ggiiney,2018/11/13,"I can’t stand to hear, read or say the R word. I do everything I can to avoid it, especially during my therapy sessions. It’s not that I’m not acknowledging what happened to me, it just gives me an overwhelming sense of fear when I see or hear it. I can’t have sex anymore without thinking about it, it’s ruining any form of relationship I try develop with people. ",6.1508108108108095,5.483628000000002,7.570945945945947,73.73317567567568,66.29729729729729,11.724324324324325,36.06756756756757,11.20814326018867,3.981443243243243,288,13,59,8,4,100,53,74,0.111,0.889,0.0,-0.7506,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,2,0,5,1,0,0,0,11,12,3,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,8,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,4,9,0,8,12,1,2,0,2,1,1,5,0,0,2,1,39,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634341782235115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23834502283072556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21599513867902456,0.0,0.0,0.2704406089765047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23054860321647355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125250239114501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5417438479356155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661612851107716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403972974391625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580269055274669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112185947515115,0.0,0.0,0.1915136953901554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748408846072542,0.0,0.0,0.15399520809124834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316982879515105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316717224755024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kira-riaexx,2018/11/13,How do you deal with your ptsd symptoms with your partner? Like how do you soften the blow of these explosive symptoms of ptsd to your partner?,5.38111111111111,7.051355444444442,4.534259259259262,86.5991666666667,68.62962962962962,6.881481481481483,32.01851851851852,7.1686216300943375,1.9573851851851851,115,5,21,1,2,34,17,27,0.0,0.9009999999999999,0.099,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,5,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096011446344057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671379523921493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7020806679858934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6242635093997192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tittybooper,2018/11/13,"Should I Get Therapy To Have Sex? (tw possibly) I(f18) got therapy three years ago when I finally told my parents about my incident. I went for one year and it's helped me think better of myself. I was molested when I was 7, and always felt out of place during my late childhood/early teens. When I got therapy I was diagnosed with PTSD (I don't know if there's severity levels but I would think its considered a small level). After I went I didn't feel out of place as often. &#x200B; I've had two episodes where I was triggered and I just shut down. My responses were delayed, and I was depressed for a few days. I was never depressed outside of these two events. I coped with PTSD before therapy by doing a lot of art and keeping myself busy with different things when I was in elementary. &#x200B; Now I'm almost finished with my first semester of college, but I feel like I haven't accomplished much. I did a lot of activities during high school (wrestling, band, clubs) and went out of state twice. There was a lot of things that I did, but I guess socially I feel like I didn't do much. I never had sex before and I can't watch R-rated movies because I fear it'll trigger me. I know I was comfortable with an ex in high school to be willing to do it, but it never happened. I did try to have sex multiple times with other guys (after the relationship), but I couldn't handle it after they did a specific move during foreplay. I would start laughing or I'd hesitate long enough for them to get annoyed and stop. &#x200B; I know I want to be comfortable enough to be willing to have casual sex, but I don't know how to proceed going along with this. Should I find a therapist for myself or wait until I get a boyfriend/SO/someone I trust and get some type of couples counseling? Or do some self help? I planned on getting on a dating site during my winter break but that may be one of the worst ideas to do at this point.",3.78452474539932,5.145367634715028,4.824868679649814,84.17784974093267,72.13471502590673,8.12206539217438,27.55904949079865,8.641336200584522,1.9767072717527248,1521,55,304,27,29,498,192,386,0.096,0.8140000000000001,0.09,-0.5186,2,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,0,0,2,4,12,14,2,1,12,0,43,6,0,3,3,69,72,27,0,7,12,2,4,2,0,8,1,0,0,2,14,20,0,4,12,4,0,5,10,6,0,7,25,5,52,8,49,34,11,56,0,2,1,5,12,20,0,13,31,221,66,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667095207938705,0.0,0.07535758118557849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626186615709325,0.2446181310108275,0.27433125849675705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587509604677225,0.0,0.12807389187915674,0.0,0.0,0.06655743473918523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326885513624042,0.0,0.04853361592995238,0.0,0.12963502171270702,0.07638281788709331,0.0,0.07862605172741906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551823863689998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846834368302955,0.11415442979671685,0.10752518631378026,0.07225714738720608,0.0824387968036537,0.06878222621859131,0.06401234810238714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965896423514824,0.0,0.04276947383085275,0.0,0.12037750567647215,0.0,0.08290249306545361,0.07451484445605623,0.06654825066906242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088444246194088,0.15902327982717868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495437667148863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689060704704569,0.0,0.0,0.16543396932772486,0.0,0.08489155914412684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353213890474036,0.0,0.0,0.0665988099476943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193877946417606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998475954111724,0.11064300369487123,0.0,0.17412520130477208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199024165915137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356240289785022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725210345483812,0.0,0.07114083696035282,0.0848393461011074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593946471256136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807963169342301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232530600396926,0.0,0.0,0.07850797055135776,0.08501737173331354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671357490530267,0.06376379895718708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053266278706452216,0.0,0.0,0.06291702496823705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34424520456604923,0.08737751532447076,0.09999291150187574,0.09644145918704393,0.0,0.0,0.043882127168309734,0.0,0.0,0.07190992068650782,0.0,0.05109359109076983,0.0,0.14702751068089498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04438768409240284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20928799779494509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691879331693142,0.0,0.27433125849675705,0.09692423749717877 ptsd,PButterChocCake,2018/11/13,"Tired of hearing “You’re being ridiculous” I’ve heard this so much lately, and I am so sick of it. I don’t mean to be the way I am, but I can’t help it. I wish people could understand that. I wish people could understand that I can’t control how I respond to certain things. If I could, I wouldn’t have a disorder. ",0.2584663865546233,2.1652670735294137,2.601512605042018,93.71323529411768,84.14705882352942,5.650420168067227,21.478991596638657,6.868970318607317,0.435846218487395,243,8,56,3,7,83,43,68,0.149,0.65,0.201,0.6629,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,2,0,12,2,0,2,1,15,19,6,0,7,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,10,1,4,12,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159802659947515,0.4612472430839853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069846643887767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21703700553947675,0.0,0.12907360167324758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21722396482537215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20976191710659847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415589028232086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670034241785985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793295888224213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22132743996979395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40093807868980536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285072218639098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4428850954985056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,katherineh3,2018/11/13,"Resources? I'm recovering from PTSD after a car accident that nearly killed me. Does anyone have any online resources for recovery? I'm a college student, so I'm already utilizing my school's therapy program.",4.9628378378378395,8.175017648648652,6.514797297297302,64.83003378378382,75.21621621621622,9.105405405405406,38.979729729729726,9.516144504307137,5.198086486486488,171,11,22,5,4,58,31,37,0.215,0.785,0.0,-0.8385,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,11,3,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936785847083745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425998230981723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24944541645482074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312191227281212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39468709662756296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170175157073569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610464587516899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40797066262773335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,elunak,2018/11/13,"Saying goodbyes (TW!) Yesterday a friend from my old therapy group took her own life. I am really bad at processing loss, because a big part of what gave me PTSD was the death of someone very close. I feel like completely isolating myself from my studies and crew training, even though I know I shouldn’t. I really don’t know how to deal with it, and I am dreading going to sleep because I know it’ll be a big trigger. What do you guys do on the sleepless nights? ",4.871884057971017,5.533349086956524,5.524782608695656,82.76297101449278,69.0,9.1768115942029,30.55072463768116,9.2995712137729,2.5400376811594207,364,14,73,7,6,118,67,92,0.14800000000000002,0.7879999999999999,0.064,-0.8281,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,5,0,9,2,1,2,0,11,16,4,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,3,2,13,2,9,10,2,10,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,4,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184898313957336,0.25092882809428924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157956922756938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21218876513055465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594049204248385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406749252890626,0.14703603543864066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590140600066156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697080629153644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379164520901324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33933568232807026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537495962372812,0.10055201532341654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19314574492247374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597080335444893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22288025376457726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24058959817134726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26370387186337285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367430609107464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20596610015536926,0.0,0.1743884670110961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23537020410476975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20221461068217614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286707724511734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982096047647868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cherrysodacake,2018/11/13,"I can’t mentally catch up to my own age!? Something I reported to my therapist with my PTSD is feeling stuck. Stuck in the moment of the trauma or stuck in that year or time frame that it happened. I was 15-17 during the abuse that led to my trauma. I will be 23 on November 15th, but I still mentally feel like a teenager, dress, and act like one- even though I have the cognitive ability to realize that I am maturing and no longer a teen. Why do I still feel this way? I need to catch up with myself so I can continue to grow. Am I stuck in that time frame? ",3.3135256410256417,3.9366083333333366,4.838536324786325,86.42139423076927,72.5042735042735,9.26880341880342,26.59081196581197,9.516144504307137,2.037137606837607,433,14,98,10,8,146,73,117,0.145,0.764,0.091,-0.5158,0,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,0,10,0,0,1,0,13,19,7,0,1,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,0,0,5,2,2,0,1,5,3,16,2,15,12,1,20,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,10,67,23,1,0.0,0.25551633939315643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243833251112806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271254917879619,0.15406423349109155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070332414179966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071663311068228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43465976382983457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599057181441166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461336542950457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520895773449114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660220334072075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444453008599006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25039249657352985,0.0,0.0,0.2118802979317937,0.0,0.2515007513277959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117718818955432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945954208918152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887498239840415 ptsd,nimrodg35,2018/11/13,"I don't know but it hard Sorry if my English sucks I am not worried about what happen in Gaza (I am israeli, lived all.my life there). And yet another shit Strom hit the coast. I can't focus on one thing in my mind. I had a lot of staff but now zero thoughts. I feel overwhelmed by how my life is came to be. I am so clueless how to do it, or which direction to go. Some days I want to do ☓ and some days I want to do Y and sometime I want door #2. I don't have any goals. I need to set goals!",-1.5204326923076898,0.24196458035714485,1.1503571428571462,102.1600274725275,90.69642857142857,4.160439560439561,16.6510989010989,5.369823440869387,-0.9371862637362636,371,9,99,2,13,127,74,112,0.146,0.7809999999999999,0.073,-0.8973,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,7,3,2,1,2,0,13,3,1,2,0,22,25,10,0,5,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,2,3,2,15,0,12,20,3,10,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,5,4,66,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823874004841206,0.22857853797434055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24931923212304305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28116736184236885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102208550148246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388712332667627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276532066815755,0.0,0.19527367324688968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980003916801042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079415475110481,0.0,0.0,0.19248665099095308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853248833244296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22010488472971312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161634712837008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147713737331859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223760681369185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155948695581649,0.244018772411087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14482097918738074,0.0,0.0,0.1730574511435732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.385723414444312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213765365793164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,momo-official,2018/11/13,Potential date ruined because of trauma Told a date I was sensitive to physical touch and needed to move slowly. He stopped talking to me. I hate being this way.,3.823,6.523827300000002,5.223333333333333,75.42500000000003,76.0,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,3.1460000000000012,129,6,20,3,3,43,26,30,0.33299999999999996,0.667,0.0,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,4,2,0,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,12,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506695185162032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40598428719481106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4370506634441552,0.0,0.3049066630563604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34378958769220025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305146514383316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929283369052162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263989921561662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lemonysnicketttt,2018/11/13,"I feel so alone even though I know I’m not. People are telling me I’m strong but I feel so weak I know like 1 other person who understands how this feels but at the moment this page is one of the first times I’ve been able to read something I can relate to. I feel like I am hyper vigilant but when I’m not I’m fucking exhausted constantly. I’m so sad and depressed and I cry like every other day. I just feel like a waste of space and I can’t function. I also have gained weight and can’t work out because I got nose surgery. I miss weed so much cause it made me more depressed but yet I still want it constantly. People tell me I’m strong and shit but I feel so weak. I am just tired of existing in this situation and I find I’m either sad, angry, or anxious. I feel like I’m grieving this person I could have been if this had not happened. I am coming to this conclusion that shit will never be the same and it’s always gonna be hard. At this point I’m not happy and I don’t feel like I’m living. I feel like I’m just trying to survive. ",0.34204805491990703,2.206613868421055,2.4567887109077056,95.10483981693363,83.56140350877193,5.3687261632341725,18.68497330282227,6.498293943080001,-0.1402145690312735,814,20,191,8,23,274,116,228,0.26899999999999996,0.5760000000000001,0.155,-0.9890000000000001,0,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,7,15,22,3,0,4,0,18,9,3,3,1,46,49,24,1,3,15,0,11,7,0,2,4,0,0,2,14,10,1,0,14,1,0,1,8,12,0,2,5,12,25,10,11,39,5,17,0,6,0,1,5,6,3,2,17,113,39,2,0.1018139370599154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544853331722667,0.0,0.08142056868245202,0.08471735177829455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502076869270747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062064831028926425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459095930025747,0.0,0.08770369155502306,0.0,0.22004939179595695,0.0,0.08129014406688256,0.0,0.11183782904614548,0.06566156654678537,0.0,0.1753843896005634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724714519796454,0.0,0.085782633172077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4633216716961078,0.3636794848949505,0.0,0.0,0.0930560939577722,0.08660288285149018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941253442039671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142990634697042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003372829639243,0.1083828292227467,0.09120528931038778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119085542872914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481880277880697,0.0,0.08990357174170248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963388090041017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484495860078125,0.0,0.07852518489073082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06899175871720031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116992877425502,0.1778000053881879,0.0,0.0,0.09624707969437296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184148935723752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20902108657282684,0.0,0.11444313109208433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838134292763903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130874165447248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17797973724259286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003167622377326,0.0,0.05936852546562967,0.11702014321518366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691249800213292,0.0,0.0,0.10599189914071376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060052497986087215,0.0,0.0,0.12398194650463625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412175877775634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,digitalgoddess99,2019/10/29,"Anyone else suffer from PTSD psychosis? I've experienced delusions, obsessions and at times vivid hallucinations since the traumatic event. I always suffered from depression but what happened seem to totally break my brain at age 38. It's been a few years and I definitely am better but I seem to ""cycle.""",5.025911949685536,8.362957660377361,5.666320754716983,70.1710534591195,76.16981132075472,8.816352201257864,29.58805031446541,9.2995712137729,3.5666503144654094,248,11,37,7,6,80,44,53,0.18100000000000002,0.691,0.128,-0.0258,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,7,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,1,6,4,2,7,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,2,4,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343968909367565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969711263391943,0.28863484669743905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24914067755854086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144702623846239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426277189872309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353241271667891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249106299348772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292921190513353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5128980347952251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23302507587007154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642614824063542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18140550560969276 ptsd,ca_tastrophe,2019/10/29,"i need to understand why im the way i am so like. im 99% sure i have ptsd. is it possible to get ptsd from talking people out of suicide and like, feeling pressured to save someone and not being able to talk about your own feelings. i was like forced to help way older people out of suicide and i wasn't allowed to talk about how i was feeling. i dont if this was emotions abuse or something. i was really young too, 11. i was cat fished too that was part of it. can i get ptsd from this tho? i feel like i could just be acting like a little bitch and im a pussy. i get flashbacks from alot of the stuff that happened. im failing school and im doing drugs and shit like that so i dont remember it. doesnt work that well but its better then nothing. i dissociate alot when something triggers a flashback. does it sound like ptsd?",0.12329523809523835,2.3537723771428603,1.9548571428571468,95.8898095238095,88.0857142857143,4.476190476190476,20.904761904761905,5.916634753146586,0.010961904761904506,646,22,144,5,21,212,95,175,0.11199999999999999,0.72,0.168,0.8287,1,0,3,0,1,2,17.0,0,1,0,3,11,15,2,1,7,0,18,2,1,3,1,28,28,15,2,3,5,0,4,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,12,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,7,5,16,11,17,18,4,10,0,1,0,0,5,3,2,4,11,92,28,3,0.09225382885845528,0.10930570173953807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159101469742162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365717558110105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073194732161618,0.0,0.216241600702888,0.0,0.10698515282358527,0.0,0.0,0.10377314043986607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658523115297032,0.13181230753933412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445964538265227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157975618658346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183579685657045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4982498300182278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31549392601546017,0.09246257246661564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840504515452364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852003688921121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990190658371337,0.0,0.12791437818023285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040023306454108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313591564179571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591001650610225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450560428748262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933658000016186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094697229600061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816636981677902,0.14204300913905382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560856250775437,0.201821430737656,0.0,0.08694814191987553,0.0,0.0,0.2224503993704944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603948934766976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645359057113466,0.0,0.0,0.08294727138319953,0.0,0.08324473137959458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06716188614675424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sar_Psych,2019/10/29,"Trauma research Hello. In advance, sorry for posting this if this isn't allowed on the group. Please feel free to delete or contact me if I have broken any rules. Here is the thing; A fellow psychology student and I are currently working on our master thesis regarding trauma and interpersonal relationships. If you are above 18 years old and have lived with a romantic partner for at least 10 months, you are the participant we are looking for. Here is the link to our survey; [https://forms.gle/P3xFwDKePZG3zjPv5](https://forms.gle/P3xFwDKePZG3zjPv5)",10.256174242424244,12.583383784090907,8.232272727272726,62.164242424242445,57.75,9.503030303030306,33.984848484848484,9.725611199111238,3.5380621212121217,455,17,62,8,6,135,64,88,0.106,0.8059999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.1779,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,3,2,0,3,2,3,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,1,0,12,11,7,0,3,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,8,2,10,11,1,10,0,0,1,0,11,4,0,4,4,46,11,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21661951118840111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610644270740663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812784582109599,0.0,0.2674950876218515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542572181005544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342562875467385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.349663504697097,0.0,0.0,0.30507522217622074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419949410604667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3565817355383654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21162517781216186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319023997043388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051306306273909 ptsd,crismariz,2019/10/29,"Zero energy, related to PTSD? The last two years I have been so tired, and with no energy. I have a lot of the symptoms related to CFS (chronic fatigue syndrome) and it's just getting worse. Before those two years ago I had school, several jobs and was very active, still with my PTSD and symptoms. I wonder if anyone has experienced the same, or know if those two can be related? I can't find any other valid explanation to my current fatigue, and with so many hopes for the future this is really crushing. (English is not my first language, so I'm sorry if this was badly written) Thank you",4.906842105263159,6.106498412280704,6.011359649122809,77.34493421052632,69.26315789473685,8.857894736842105,30.03947368421053,9.188382445141503,2.6736526315789457,465,18,84,9,8,155,78,114,0.166,0.732,0.102,-0.7965,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,5,0,12,6,0,0,0,20,19,12,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,5,5,1,9,2,8,13,2,8,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,7,8,63,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412603609133803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836822110500374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142611605725199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305643438162792,0.0,0.0,0.13560106544861628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456494063281704,0.1355489784403756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325745260923649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827745265655646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813722823421553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757843684253665,0.12989721992486009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547961838991593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156298074253073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37255959851666265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208817149145567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127778648605498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002804505317874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838710902278432,0.0,0.0,0.12726270196381248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3312658687751181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671451060127488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831574232576676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4670058855726508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314862099935246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281586323690673,0.0,0.0,0.16239839203527096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052413599613758 ptsd,nebulagroot,2019/10/29,I just want to be normal I want to go back to the way I used to be. That's it. I wish wish I could go back in time. Sometimes I really believe I will go back in time and and stop this pain.,-2.0673333333333304,-0.5340830666666676,1.0311111111111124,103.70000000000002,90.77777777777777,4.488888888888889,13.444444444444445,5.6839178017228535,-1.3430888888888892,142,2,41,1,5,50,26,45,0.135,0.688,0.177,-0.0194,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,11,12,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,6,8,0,12,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735270153345829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312724828785312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638938622426706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3499842893236758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112404840167905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21842504472175509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150320026003806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302033867065467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161749800768564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393927836124584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772900454718069,0.0,0.0,0.24215077843046254,0.1629362272490439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.472107854860917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ender160,2019/10/29,"Treating PTSD I know this is a forum for people seeking help with traumatic life events, however my question is more geared towards research on the topic of treatments. If this is something that's not approved topic, I 100% understand and will remove immediately. Please don't argue with each other, but simply and respectfully give your imput. So, the discussion I'm having for research paper is on which forms of PTSD is more challenging to treat or assist with. 1. PTSD developed due to actions of self -defense Or 2. PTSD developed due to being a victim of traumatic events or violence Again, if this offends someone I apologize. I've tried to find data online but I keep getting data not relating to my question.",6.160232558139538,8.29656754263566,6.820844961240307,69.13684883720931,67.37209302325581,9.191007751937986,34.60542635658915,9.642632912329526,3.9177714728682176,579,28,84,13,10,190,86,129,0.152,0.723,0.125,-0.8365,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,2,2,8,4,0,4,0,9,1,0,0,0,22,15,10,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,5,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,7,4,17,13,4,10,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,7,5,60,13,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111658554399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638265185269724,0.15860795642415218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108230520985735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469606422710132,0.0,0.0,0.09086583101550473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678362049427288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146250434041128,0.0,0.0,0.1814922532579299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7730884163389647,0.0,0.3704343894025485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248433352543324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009095240827005,0.1272858166489599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225413094772747,0.0,0.0,0.17212342805551267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,imabratinfluence,2019/10/29,"DAE find that body awareness and breathing exercises just make anxiety worse? If I'm already anxious, trying to do a breathing exercise can push me into a panic attack, dissociation, or an asthma attack (sometimes a combination of these things). Same goes for stuff like body scanning or body awareness. I'm just curious if anyone else experiences this, because this advice is *everywhere*.",6.884512820512822,10.053184246153847,7.333461538461544,61.780705128205135,68.07692307692308,9.256410256410255,36.987179487179496,9.725611199111238,4.6977179487179495,316,17,40,8,6,103,52,65,0.223,0.711,0.066,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,4,0,3,8,5,1,0,11,6,5,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,4,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549057699882648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817899018141988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738375059869778,0.20288246896780973,0.0,0.12557157706462485,0.18400835477372995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086128336718086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094747174648022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5984428312506916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500220987659044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756707853496772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413948810490167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773725642962911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987588031588335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107069373531196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776163769842109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055844292424608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930978546606252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192795069510738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830147448570336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FuckedUpSat69,2019/10/29,"Has anyone found out a way to deal with night terrors? I have had my fair share of experiences that left me pretty scarred subconsciously(didnt found out why well into my late teens/early 20s). I used to smoke weed to suppress those dreams but now that I am not smoking, they're coming back. What do you guys to do deal with it? Btw I'm pretty over all the trauma, but that's the only lasting thing that has an effect on my life. I have barely had a good sleep in years :/",3.699924812030076,4.919552947368423,4.235488721804515,88.86842105263159,72.15789473684211,6.270676691729324,20.939849624060148,6.1826913282559595,0.03793233082706715,370,7,79,2,7,117,71,95,0.08900000000000001,0.746,0.165,0.6949,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,5,0,9,2,1,2,1,15,14,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,4,0,9,3,13,10,1,15,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,6,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331072201649913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637847914667146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398208135024758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39251469125030747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862129189479115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174494949960088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15966863353041208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884906928257756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551724000006849,0.21473934375013332,0.0,0.20683148613293126,0.0,0.13446001101218716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786441011330402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478071032229242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3873380800565429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19050188675345944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646965382696418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441372751882374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110240622127594,0.0,0.0,0.17116046450773656,0.0,0.1717742687993839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258843731618632 ptsd,johnalone90,2019/10/29,"Embarrassed to seek help because of my trigger It's really hard just typing this, my trigger is tickling. I used to get held down and tickled brutally by older bullies in elementary school, so whenever I see someone being tickled I go into full panic mode, to me those people are in grave danger and need help, it's like I'm watching someone get killed, no even worse. One time my girlfriend got tickled by a friend and I couldn't stop thinking about it for weeks, she didn't even remember it when I talked to her about it, but to me it felt like I witnessed someone getting abused, it was making me sick to my stomach. I'm so ashamed because it's such a trivial thing for most people, yet I can't help the way I react to it. Could EMDR be something to try for this? My overreaction to is making it really hard to want social relationships at all.",5.074399350649352,5.8163367321428625,5.959220779220782,79.54032467532471,68.58333333333333,8.251948051948053,31.93939393939394,8.296473431620573,2.424373809523809,673,28,126,9,11,222,103,168,0.207,0.696,0.09699999999999999,-0.9592,0,0,1,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,10,10,3,3,3,0,10,2,1,6,1,23,26,7,2,4,2,0,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,14,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,7,0,1,5,5,18,3,23,17,3,14,0,1,2,0,10,6,0,1,8,85,32,2,0.0,0.17475771014698133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982342706392726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776292668721094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948383957434368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161853590217074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395443655837707,0.0,0.2311804852258351,0.0,0.0838249292180613,0.0,0.1179653966832056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26425348169411744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29658879889499784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318160119971467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411742270479122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1969084015004475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093658323715907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999465742999634,0.0,0.0,0.17305385416118754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045092201952955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897842200370785,0.0,0.0,0.15835466143158886,0.1670833251345466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927303109222825,0.11753458939107488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035279629422615,0.3749166488743539,0.1135490218007025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331260341035415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185510660974887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798926638777264,0.0945089776181532,0.0,0.0,0.08600564548371922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013956855346597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127388508279555,0.0,0.0,0.08699649876251815,0.11707483563850173,0.11831176400012658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031022406613292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,superawsomespacegirl,2019/10/29,"It Happened yesterday but I still feel so bad. So my PTSD is heavily linked to medical trauma, childhood, and several severely abusive people who were in my life during really difficult times. I don’t even know how but yesterday I got triggered hardcore and flipped out on a coworker because she was hovering heavily over me and making me feel inadequate. Long story short: I created a small scene and stormed away. I’d been having a Bad Mental Health day and had hoped I could skate by on minimal Interaction and only smile and nod at customers when needed, but I guess not. Cue panic attack where I can’t stop crying and my boss and supervisor force me to explain what happened. I felt ashamed at my trauma trigger so I said something surface of discussing disability again (happens 1x or 2x a year but I’m stubborn). On earth am I supposed to say? My coworker triggered the crap out of me and I had a panic attack bc I had severe insomnia and nightmares last night? I would just be told to be more positive. Don’t bring my personal problems in. I want to address the girl I flipped on but I’m worried she’ll just make me feel worse and I’m tired of people not taking responsibility or at least apologizing for it you know? It’s not that I expected the coworker to know but when I explain I’d appreciate a “your feelings are valid”. I dunno what to do but I’ve been so anxious and depressed since it happened. Not only that, but the boss scolded me saying I need to be more positive and that said coworker could never do anything wrong (favoritism is strong at this place). I felt so invalidated and crazy. I’m used to people taking the sane person’s side but cmon. You couldn’t at least like say “you’re totally valid for being upset but the baristas said this as well.” Or something. I dunno. Does anyone else experience this? Dismissal of trauma triggers is exhausting—and getting blamed for everything as well. Thank you for letting me rant. I really hate PTSD sometimes.",3.182534097108565,5.838187117021277,4.551914893617023,79.59935897435899,78.09574468085106,7.473431533006003,28.78996181123841,8.463088693708992,2.570011402073104,1580,72,276,34,39,522,199,376,0.22699999999999998,0.644,0.13,-0.9938,0,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,0,4,0,1,16,24,5,4,12,0,28,6,1,10,2,75,66,38,0,10,19,0,6,1,0,2,5,6,1,3,13,17,0,2,12,0,0,1,9,18,2,0,14,12,41,6,35,42,5,37,0,1,0,0,22,21,1,7,16,182,54,2,0.0,0.10358500792147428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876601264885744,0.0,0.06112999330005939,0.08957783088671496,0.071943797334599,0.0,0.0,0.19891842062173726,0.08213920358999267,0.0,0.14599340316411094,0.05329381776980588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139604412114248,0.0,0.0960328866146126,0.05638226196722303,0.0,0.07529951781134127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650670797350298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303284793262448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05774376635376125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857246766662149,0.08551898592398251,0.0,0.0,0.17681998596070875,0.0,0.1678845202413788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045676253469766295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992221710625783,0.0,0.0963091249681153,0.0,0.30924058146410466,0.0,0.0,0.0863146534418632,0.0,0.09292929576209208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683332025567847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414042542763933,0.071263510428947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939857152853155,0.06175126760300824,0.042711718870493916,0.0,0.0,0.07736888087208882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671449752960165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807206703487244,0.08810441474386874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296499090428891,0.06742799141685367,0.0,0.0,0.08204297777251676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298217543735227,0.0,0.2051501457538171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182965297605905,0.152673276145911,0.09134111606977724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365446615991334,0.20439163247415507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201412128699673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494852201767707,0.2085729736674049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29629803794657233,0.0,0.07231933731319075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460895445252655,0.08646612703954314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981817543023829,0.07309169358156524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146630111050958,0.0,0.0,0.08048972150720238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050978554601280084,0.10048283519856796,0.0,0.08353888142273623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550762497485397,0.0,0.0,0.05156586800019725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721217880778618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878491299291827,0.08909412773533014,0.062104618608215416,0.0955861396425226,0.0,0.0562992025715385 ptsd,nowhereto_turn,2019/10/29,"Life on repeat Every night I have the same dreams, they are of some past experiences that will never go away. There are always two. The first one is when I was 10, it starts with me being beaten by family. The second with a part of my 13 year old self watching a man die. When I was 10 I was beaten every day by my parents and people who your supposed to trust I remember all of them every second of each punch, kick and being thrown. When I was 13 I was walking at home from school and I saw someone on there knees begging for change. So I gave them my left over lunch money 5.73$ I counted it out before I gave it to them. When I walked away I looked back at the man to see someone else standing above him with a gun. The guy sitting offered what I gave him to the man but I heard him say it wasn't enough. I watched as the man with the gun pulled the trigger and the guy sitting fell limp to the ground. The man ran away and I sat down were I was and just looked even when the sitting man was taken away. I remember these things every night. I see it all happen over and over again. I don't tell my wife why I scream at night. I don't say why I can't be left alone. I have panic attacks from what I've seen and have happened to me. I am afraid and alone. I've never been able to speak to anyone about this and I never will. I see the bearings and the limp body even when I'm awake. I've tried to hang myself or jump off my roof to get rid of the images. Nothing helps. I'm afraid that nothing ever will.",0.8260860880854892,2.6398775448916427,2.209771297313494,97.77762109257964,81.60061919504643,4.663097972635574,17.540097872765404,5.181179040167988,-0.7537507440327573,1169,23,275,4,31,376,161,323,0.085,0.888,0.027000000000000003,-0.9549,1,2,0,2,0,1,27.0,0,1,4,3,16,8,3,3,19,0,26,4,2,1,6,31,47,21,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,3,1,5,1,9,13,17,1,0,2,1,1,8,7,7,0,5,19,16,44,1,41,22,7,52,0,0,9,0,30,18,0,2,22,186,57,3,0.09478735770892524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19634223243011467,0.0,0.0,0.07887067487073496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627752442592201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783430334115716,0.3562233711061919,0.07288562720374851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065705999151881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052873861344251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027245610093344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113000415980295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837431230805133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791826745177226,0.0,0.0,0.09794067877118354,0.0,0.12521231161176738,0.08574059172636479,0.31944974805994153,0.0,0.0,0.09272022410726036,0.08935708498917053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062607804506768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049522482198997714,0.0,0.053869839761497805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877087731579721,0.16764029476389306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353396784054433,0.0,0.09507944827080132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20597348298962567,0.0,0.06695111394501083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919501533887087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931756116111184,0.0,0.0,0.2668545424143572,0.0,0.18190205230177614,0.0,0.09946338696570932,0.0,0.06423036669966647,0.0,0.0,0.11121254119429834,0.10525014340825617,0.10264547143818817,0.09048525834625464,0.06571361899400026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147511971862643,0.0,0.0,0.15075742267219894,0.0,0.09592986645694414,0.2265997558003216,0.0,0.09888388644499037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062604118034068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709097965422997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284832855950948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297250863074598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435439387878912,0.0,0.0925934753398602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106169420387882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061039950638951714 ptsd,KDkona,2019/10/29,"Improving symptoms. A place to share what may have worked for you for improving symptoms. No medical advise, just a safe space to listen & ask questions about others success or attempts at feeling better. Anyone have experience with MDMA in clinical trials for improving symptoms?",8.074782608695653,11.281289739130434,7.62108695652174,60.905978260869595,64.65217391304348,9.817391304347826,39.76086956521739,10.125756701596842,5.3888869565217385,232,13,26,6,4,73,37,46,0.037000000000000005,0.595,0.3670000000000001,0.9545,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,4,2,4,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,9,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,0,20,3,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543554890257894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414521510444988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21946297966097636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20762053235503847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296341220111485,0.0,0.0,0.11869850241852616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364896118534111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452676065505072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26297782147499965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7319968048457604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090345802744694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,durbangurban,2019/10/29,"Hard day at work I recently started a new job and today at a huge company meeting, one of the leadership team made a joke about ‘leaving your PTSD at work’ as a way to illustrate not bringing work issues home with you. The whole room erupted in laughter. But I felt so ashamed. I logically know that they weren’t laughing at me, or even trying to make fun of PTSD, but it sent me into a shame spiral. It just really reminded me of family that’s told me ‘just think positive’, ‘put it out of mind’, ‘choose positivity’... It’s my first time back at work since the incident (over two years ago) thanks to therapy and SSRIs, but I had to run to the bathroom afterwards to try to breathe and audibly tell myself ‘it’s okay, you’re okay, it’s okay’.... The bathroom was empty but then guess who walks in!! The woman who made the joke! I don’t know what came over me but I (in the ditsy checked out voice I get when I’m freaking out) told her that I didn’t want to criticize her, but that it might be something to consider how uncomfortable jokes about PTSD can make people like me, especially as a new employee and coming from management. She was super understanding, and just said something along the line of that I was right and she’ll definitely not use that verbiage anymore. While I really appreciate how receptive she was, I can’t help but think of myself as the office joke. I’m worried I overreacted, I’m worried she’ll tell other members of management, I’m worried that this will make me look incompetent. Mostly I’m worried that I might not have been ready to do back to work and I’m worse than I thought. I’m just so sick of this. I miss who I was and I’m terrified that I’ll be this different and challenged forever. Thanks for reading, I know that was a lot. I just had to let it out somewhere.",2.4247338153138362,4.5965757290502784,3.975129806112392,85.31692080184031,78.02234636871509,7.6754518567203425,25.613210647387447,8.583994105835817,1.8868304962208344,1413,54,288,31,34,469,180,358,0.159,0.7090000000000001,0.132,-0.9295,4,0,2,0,0,0,42.0,0,2,1,9,15,18,0,2,17,3,24,2,1,8,0,59,61,27,0,1,16,0,2,1,0,5,1,3,2,1,26,18,0,0,10,6,1,7,7,4,0,3,20,6,37,14,45,33,3,42,0,1,1,0,22,18,0,6,17,188,63,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233719780944136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211724038145368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284609625195674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623601729127544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001244552036432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059903322459469985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704534970442644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613498525107864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756397696541236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918443674554175,0.0,0.0,0.07900817312477754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048528725965810315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10232360972158694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320696783371047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225904635524877,0.0,0.09317151090232588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694810169341828,0.09217430960792668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314196491188306,0.0,0.0,0.09835210169611527,0.0,0.09498149366201064,0.0,0.04537905679954478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800024283374261,0.0,0.0,0.07896774485347875,0.0,0.17578059874712296,0.18600494031106435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19707321059198066,0.09378765585360084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941836765331962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294147073901535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439495895151331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257337708950335,0.09337536314962726,0.0,0.0,0.09291041773078064,0.0,0.11900937978277484,0.0,0.09171300986986164,0.0,0.0,0.07932352301631414,0.08835517336882187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683566483454826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301525556369868,0.0,0.0,0.06574468043291612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237166050094404,0.17103257563245144,0.10622241460438868,0.0,0.0,0.11903427588171822,0.0,0.07374053824696299,0.05416215469633783,0.0,0.08804438621747393,0.17751173426418204,0.0,0.1261260181866565,0.0,0.0907354234170644,0.09669685397764306,0.0,0.0802230603952512,0.0,0.0,0.05478614569443853,0.07372801312329205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370309984251327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33810795651389824,0.3773180491157029,0.09465803741746463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981507602186039 ptsd,themissingpen,2019/10/29,"How do you deal with feeling like your PTSD was caused by ""trivial"" reasons? TW: I mention generic experiences (just the terms) but no details. Possible symptoms also mentioned. I may be developing (re-developing?) PTSD and I feel incredibly ashamed of the cause. I've had some traumatic events happen (typical things like abusive parents, coercive sex, TBI, suicide attempt if that counts?), and had a lot of dissociation, depression, and some hyper-vigilance/panic/anxiety problems but no flashbacks or night terrors iirc. Recently I've been in a really tense situation with my roommate. One friend told me it sounded abusive, but I don't really think so. It feels like my fault. I get confused when I try to analyze it esp bc I can't remember much anymore (epilepsy meds). This makes it feel super fake, like I made it up, maybe? It just seems like such a stupid thing to feel shitty over. More details: I realized tonight that I am terrified of my roommate. When I'm in our apartment I'm constantly on edge listening for footsteps coming up the stairs, doors in the hallway opening and closing... when he's in the apartment I cannot relax, I'm afraid to see him or be seen by him, and I keep hiding in my room and it's unreasonably hard for me to go into common spaces when he's around. When I'm in the house or thinking about going home, I start compulsively overeating (I have an eating disorder and it's flaring). I have really random spikes of panic when I see him or someone that reminds me of him somehow. I have to hype myself up to be able to talk to him or even make eye contact with him or someone that looks like him. I've stopped doing things or going places where I might run into him (which I know is super pathetic). Does it sound like I have PTSD again? This just feels like such a stupid reason to need therapy, and I've done so many years of useless therapy and tried over 10 psych meds.",3.9408853243530686,6.022629453296709,4.906387805742646,80.79990251683802,73.14835164835166,7.883587380361575,30.148528890464373,8.654491914285503,2.5467406238922368,1507,67,275,29,31,491,206,364,0.24,0.665,0.095,-0.9969,1,0,0,0,0,1,58.0,1,2,0,3,21,24,2,5,11,0,21,4,1,8,0,64,53,30,1,3,14,1,7,8,1,2,1,3,3,0,19,18,1,2,14,1,0,5,5,12,0,1,8,15,39,12,39,40,6,47,0,2,5,1,22,25,0,17,25,176,58,1,0.0864658695715545,0.2048958328773345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914672465711387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614615355474672,0.0,0.08575090854273887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07697295574757658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764853233988753,0.0,0.07448269042457134,0.0,0.09343888744392753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891425148246806,0.07447292676230008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099097377580633,0.0,0.07566686514527997,0.08848460488040749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847617079970313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571098913729741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458021194052948,0.0,0.0,0.2623184499844056,0.18531370349584855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680331634311976,0.0,0.04517484810397842,0.0,0.14742163885278192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646148290420618,0.0,0.07745643550850069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673231717634812,0.0,0.0,0.09977000435570316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768548377419237,0.0,0.0,0.04751938063868348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33794285050310435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260955345438601,0.0,0.0,0.07351019026097895,0.0,0.08181609644586788,0.11543327871498688,0.08766282039068919,0.08686658778740364,0.0,0.19208817751804216,0.0,0.0,0.09172662352735456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356236302555694,0.06411334668225252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114236123426273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859151097597835,0.0,0.0,0.20289813565974896,0.0960101156134324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033843038005107,0.0,0.0,0.0974772762062935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273615970922198,0.3032219232972715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661767503979979,0.17780262957959875,0.08537461488168069,0.0,0.09794897471065528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378042065493143,0.07871528022699394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719126017634724,0.0,0.0,0.1465245013912516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120098752013459,0.0,0.0,0.07228933864716637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457962733276458,0.0,0.0,0.08987114567500122,0.0,0.06949799069268837,0.0,0.0,0.1977625148606537,0.0,0.1723322450209086,0.1108076757653222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262184378905635,0.0,0.11740929934068355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05568118510919052 ptsd,pawdiepie,2019/10/29,"How to calm down after traumatizing nightmare? (Trigger warning - Physical abuse) I haven't talked to my dad in over a year, but last night I had a nightmare that my dad hit me several times and held me, i tried to escape from his grasp but couldn't. Even though I know it didn't really happen, it felt so realistic to the point where the places he hit me in the dream actually hurt and I have a hard time breathing. The day is almost over but i still feel like this. I've had bad dreams before but never one that truly traumatized me until now so I really don't know how to recover. If anyone here has tips on how to calm down and get rid of this feeling please let me know. I'm really shaken up right now and have just not been myself all day.",3.5333689839572173,4.553789169934642,4.719512774806893,85.99962566844921,72.33333333333334,8.178015448603684,22.4058229352347,8.575989854853784,1.1243908496732022,585,13,126,10,11,193,99,153,0.141,0.733,0.126,-0.544,0,0,0,0,3,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,7,0,12,1,1,4,2,27,24,16,0,2,7,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,7,2,0,0,6,2,0,1,6,4,16,3,18,14,1,25,0,1,0,0,5,12,0,2,14,85,22,0,0.0,0.20687161774981275,0.17038372885039588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17483597639121906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220838889794286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578312102971366,0.0,0.0,0.14857114297347584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252042062765555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532118981566784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.176565302644572,0.12473377356368236,0.16764270715610574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122092702067697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439758282846494,0.0,0.15640667644393166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869121599361325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878656244730593,0.14232173153998148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853961193544166,0.0,0.0853003977787264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466174252358426,0.0,0.0,0.1638496137363708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183130031664725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241910511560536,0.19165759830447826,0.1650527723364895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355583440081125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910684671986024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724750931965565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943522512971054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033630223768467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715429240515976,0.0,0.20362050981178076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185414625197389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243622361671993 ptsd,getoffmybackokay,2019/07/13,"Sensitivity to criticism after prolonged verbal abuse I've wondered if maybe the reason I'm so sensitive to being insulted or criticized, no matter how lightly, is because I have a history of being verbally abused. Is this normal?",10.824750000000002,10.502127975,11.975,44.83000000000004,56.75,15.0,47.5,13.816669648895859,7.6235,189,11,22,7,2,67,35,40,0.379,0.598,0.023,-0.9538,0,0,0,0,2,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,7,7,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,18,2,0,0.0,0.7423592510327388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096952077399268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147268255486325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069429669154487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220988564598657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397333536023979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Pastelkittybaby,2019/07/13,"Can arguing be a trigger? For context, I'm in my late teens and I'm a survivor of abuse from my dad. (Physical, sexual, emotional). Last night my Moms boyfriend showed up more than 5 hours late, which mom thought was suspicious (it kinda was..) so she confronted him about it and then they started arguing, And it scared me. It put me back to when I was little. And I it made me think of my dad's abuse. Which I know is silly, my mom's boyfriend is not my dad and he wasn't going to hurt her or me. It's normal for people to argue. but all of the sudden I looked around and I wasn't there anymore I was in my tiny kid body in the dark hearing my parents fighting scared of what would happen next. I could feel my small arms and legs and I could feel my little heart pounding i felt the clothes I was wearing, it felt like it was happening again. I know I'm being really over dramatic and sensitive, but it freaked me out. I don't want to use the word triggered because of how it's used as an insult now but that's the best way to describe it. All of the sudden my symptoms of ptsd were heightened and they haven't stopped. And that was at 12 last night. I was up most of the night scared before passing out. My heart hasn't stopped pounding and I'm overly cautious (tiptoeing around the house so neither of them see or hear me) and observant (watching and listening carefully to make sure their conversation doesn't get heated) and jumpy and really to bolt..it's hard to describe. Is this weird? Is this normal? Can arguing be a trigger? This happens frequently to me during arguments I see or am in, suddenly I'm in my tiny kid body relieving something my dad did. Or sometimes it isn't visual, I'll just start trembling and having trouble breathing and suddenly everything is scary. My moms boyfriend did NOTHING to warrant that kind of reaction from me. I am so mad at myself for being irrational.",2.485555555555557,4.6829915502645525,3.5827777777777814,88.07750000000001,77.94179894179895,6.951322751322754,26.637566137566136,7.984000788550335,1.7093566137566136,1498,61,300,26,36,483,188,378,0.17800000000000002,0.758,0.064,-0.9922,2,0,1,0,4,0,45.0,0,0,4,1,13,23,8,4,12,0,35,9,8,8,3,61,67,32,0,6,9,9,5,1,0,1,1,3,0,2,21,22,0,2,8,1,0,3,9,16,0,0,17,12,46,7,43,43,6,45,0,1,4,0,29,18,0,6,24,200,67,0,0.0,0.20494267011822745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577051038580127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398110206804047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650211475840283,0.0,0.052720840272648985,0.0,0.07359290528758053,0.0,0.0907613380332396,0.0,0.0,0.1921320870505922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817786869286126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810348405180772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728469855569784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772771197537941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745947116335215,0.0,0.16607954442533227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451851746450956,0.0,0.049151779346307836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22943688381845045,0.0,0.07747414131382466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949511921161698,0.2049717874137537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851709291207186,0.09979281083088752,0.09258466084313983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006147992604605,0.09506048623533024,0.14099467096993662,0.1951191263150955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0422525126285356,0.17336265341823312,0.0,0.0,0.07262615130851759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818347988282655,0.057729832832944625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051637210601613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197845381889404,0.2434827288215743,0.16947511902397938,0.08298529916704599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603206261376908,0.0,0.0,0.059958249646566965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109707898278007,0.08694195051478684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080982454964393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597616240712485,0.0,0.1378357072817966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658086701175157,0.0855365042965458,0.0,0.12242995496894915,0.0,0.0,0.14461172660647015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151168732871432,0.08989168936512995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541650267366666,0.0,0.06865993353008762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939164061621168,0.0,0.0,0.051011468198833884,0.0686482713673323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143691360187265,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Expert_Entrepreneur,2019/07/13,"What is your best natural supplements or medication you have or did use to help alleviate symptoms? Mine is CBD, xanax every now and then I am doing EMDR therapy which is very helpful who those with some form of PTSD What is your regimen of meds or supplements that have helped you control symptoms?",6.1690000000000005,7.918738218181822,6.507045454545459,72.90056818181819,66.81818181818181,10.590909090909092,33.75,10.686352973137794,4.043090909090909,242,11,41,7,4,78,43,55,0.0,0.7959999999999999,0.204,0.9162,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,2,0,8,10,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,4,9,3,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,4,2,34,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24885599382936846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26596433199581776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19979441086979105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4768348731659648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634008185951113,0.238886108533954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771952750882984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4929430565637468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711817508749665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048063966494844,0.0,0.19565919812339888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FeelingsBoi,2019/07/13,"Do I have PTSD? TLDR: Can PTSD or similar condition be cause be serious metal illness as a young child (say 7-14 in my case) Trying not to be long winded but: I've (26M) had a very intense anxiety disorder all my life. I've been regularly going to therapy, and been medicated since the age of 9. Currently I've also been battling an intense depression for the last 2.5 years. I regularly contemplate suicide but have build in precautions into my life to keep myself save. I've always found my mental health while growing up to be a subject I instinctually avoid. Lately my attempts to look at my past and learn for it has been really painful, and increased the effects of my depression. Its also left me feeling strong feeling of angry (which is unusual for me) My family has pointed out that there are many panic attacks or episodes from my childhood related to my mental health that I cannot remember. Apparently I would think I was literally dying as I didn't know how to rationalize the effects of a panic attack yet. Its clear to me that a lot of negative things I can't remember happened in my childhood that I've blocked out. I've felt a strong urge to drop my identity or sense of self derived from my own personal history and start over free to rebuild myself. I feel like there is something in my past or some part of my past that I desperately don't want to be related to anymore, but I don't know what, why or how to go about uncovering it or accepting it. Sorry if this comes off over dramatic, but I've been searching in vain to answers about whats going on in my head and PTSD or something related might have some answers for me.",6.6908730158730165,6.484642027950313,7.767412008281576,71.23616287094548,65.05590062111801,11.379158040027606,36.832988267770865,10.980518767755715,4.168817253278124,1311,61,241,34,18,447,174,322,0.207,0.685,0.10800000000000001,-0.9906,2,1,2,0,0,1,28.0,0,0,0,5,9,17,3,3,11,0,29,8,1,5,2,53,46,24,2,3,13,0,4,1,0,2,7,1,0,3,15,9,0,3,16,0,1,6,7,11,0,0,10,6,33,7,46,29,7,39,0,2,1,0,4,17,0,12,16,167,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185461826595393,0.0842041197603034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741552825859882,0.0,0.10036036151363696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23025269170549115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10395732961308568,0.0,0.08717236778654812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743218813621755,0.0,0.10502664505535064,0.0,0.11598067948269992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539964883261826,0.0,0.15350493026561102,0.0722952506367317,0.09716511562991537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095743086824138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253798498034506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948828877201079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038574518223688,0.21513563621346352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994865979766346,0.0,0.0,0.1112305933744238,0.08248916840059757,0.11415477165243547,0.0,0.1099509789762221,0.0,0.14295705281972254,0.049439806562714884,0.0,0.0,0.08955627648439733,0.08498010292676925,0.0,0.0,0.08603418196847534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259800735906688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194546304692416,0.2039658125427114,0.10735416398582397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768088235720684,0.23746605827629605,0.0,0.1095866313303356,0.2898123368216724,0.0,0.08836143147079234,0.0,0.0,0.09566399863836247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548820923081789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482947344630667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22927324453832484,0.0,0.0,0.0804760203602289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557067795127667,0.0,0.0,0.08371131254045297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15581299104166102,0.0,0.1132819030706601,0.07162785021048491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106932364012261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157277387642433,0.0,0.06723087721818882,0.06484303541081997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870620922354992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349823133078782,0.05968868981597977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131467055880654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188753840488665,0.0,0.0,0.06516763451294406 ptsd,sarah_the_intern,2019/07/13,"I went on a date last night and ended up crying in the uber because I had an episode While it’s not the original cause for my PTSD, one of my big triggers is drunk driving. Two of my friends (sisters) were killed by a drunk driver 2 years ago and I haven’t been able to move on. I think about them every single day. If I’m so much as sitting in traffic for too long, I have a panic attack because I start thinking there must be a car accident ahead and I’m going to have to see it. I can’t drive on holidays where getting drunk is the norm. Last night I had a first date with someone I met on tinder. We ended up going out with her friends and I had a great time. However, during the uber ride back, I started to mentally absorb how drunk I was and started crying and almost imagined myself as the driver who killed my friends. My date, her friends, and I all ubered home and were safe. I hate having these episodes.",4.26325396825397,4.5645193068783065,4.912288359788358,87.89636904761903,70.21693121693121,7.3582010582010575,28.448412698412696,6.816661863887847,1.2701460317460316,715,24,153,5,12,230,114,189,0.195,0.698,0.107,-0.9514,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,1,2,7,11,4,1,12,0,16,4,0,4,2,25,30,14,2,2,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,4,12,4,1,3,5,0,8,3,5,0,3,9,1,24,6,24,19,3,42,0,0,1,0,11,11,0,2,22,103,28,0,0.13001164617046762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524747987626993,0.0,0.13018788349634375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790701660955038,0.0,0.09997093076510664,0.0,0.15850778556209089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355777397324972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856233768833455,0.0838467561848194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303034580119864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954041925493893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058783981611954,0.0,0.0,0.40178670129388305,0.0,0.06792571909126148,0.0,0.147777229276477,0.0,0.0,0.14333829888437133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12835958419909307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041228161065976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876772473193696,0.0,0.0,0.21195368810438486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505621563295147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102116027430485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818180457489035,0.09557351926703066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244014245401073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809925617295815,0.0,0.0,0.15254065420699253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197665698691165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360244933328894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015844589649867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760687369771823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661242645170074,0.0,0.0,0.07581083640796257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700248687749102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120522098530969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372323753452354 ptsd,iimagine_peace,2019/07/13,"Doomed ding dong ditcher. I have PTSD. Because of this, there are times that I can have some very panicked, unreasonable and irrational reactions to even the smallest of loud or sudden noises. Well, one fateful day as last summer would have it, an unlucky child made an innocent yet impulsive decision to ding dong ditch the wrong apartment. To be fair, the pool had just opened. During which the first few weeks of said opening, my brain processes the constant loud screams of children playing in the water, as screams of terror and impending doom. Obviously already on edge, the loud and unexpected ring from the door bell, sent the very sensitive panic button that resides in my brain, to a level that registered only as “off the charts” on the Richter scale. With an audibly loud heart beat, and blood boiling so rapidly, that I could almost see my skin beginning to bubble, I jumped up and ran to the door. I swung it open upon which I discovered a 6 foot 3 inch 11 year old boy running down the stairs. Being of Hispanic decent, my instinctual reaction, was naturally to grab the nearest chancla, and boomerang that bitch down the stairs at the back of this feral child’s head. Luckily for him, I have 3 children of my own with whom I have daily opportunities to reflect on my instinctual reactions, and am proud to say that although I have had moments where I look down and realize I’m holding a chancla, I have yet to actually throw it. Impressive, right? I took a deep breath, and while repeating the Lord’s Prayer in my mind, I managed to calmly put the chancla down, and began my descent down the stairs. Barefoot and braless, I proceeded to relentlessly hunt this child down, which fortunately for me, was not too difficult due to the freakishly large stature this 11 year old boy. Upon finding him, I pointed my finger up towards the sky near his hairless baby face. I looked up at him and stared dead into his devious little eyes and with a calm, yet stern mom voice said “Don’t you ever ding dong ditch my house again, young man. Understand?” To which he responded with a high pitched & shaky voice, tears in his eyes and a face filled with terror “Yes, Ma’am.” Slightly shocked by the childish voice that escaped this young giants mouth, yet overwhelmed with a sense of pride tinged with subtle hints of guilt, I calmly turned away and began the short journey back to my apartment. By the time I got back home, I had had enough time to reflect upon my reaction. Although a part of me couldn’t help but feel bad for the child who on that day, unknowingly ding dong ditched a person suffering from PTSD, I also couldn’t help but notice the sense of calm that I felt knowing that he would probably never ding dong ditch, again. So, to all that suffer from PTSD, you’re welcome. 1 child down, 9 billion, eight hundred, and fifty three more children to go. If we stand together, we can, and we will, stop ding dong ditchers. Forever. Thanks for reading.",7.59810748763833,7.729422859489052,6.937040263715566,76.81285731104309,63.105839416058394,10.063668471862492,35.37814928184601,9.698958519613793,3.3000623263480087,2349,97,423,41,31,726,296,548,0.09,0.835,0.075,-0.8420000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,73.0,3,1,0,5,19,29,1,6,39,1,26,16,14,1,4,63,47,30,1,6,6,1,5,0,0,3,0,14,3,13,25,31,2,2,9,3,0,10,5,17,1,5,16,25,45,12,77,23,7,96,3,5,6,0,36,48,1,6,37,269,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.10157316824915943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422734709359603,0.0,0.1148617683904362,0.08323773887260535,0.0,0.11277741157617165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779246094918753,0.2401077109549275,0.08690767352110497,0.06345001369993589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23238936334835936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248026211179668,0.0,0.083104403398916,0.0,0.0,0.13425404461380194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754892329860838,0.0,0.06874798840753782,0.09415197483672362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05262913692958305,0.0,0.09993912572874254,0.0,0.09513294950777053,0.08853571358020731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059154616215732,0.0,0.0832472849380952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682252440346916,0.0,0.0,0.1233427108923576,0.13953364260631174,0.10997284096534504,0.1044069983754192,0.0,0.0,0.12010156100755134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05720308252639321,0.08484418835507046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043217698879388,0.0,0.0,0.17481247535767014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984889292342845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509744381634616,0.1219045614553733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027773498303285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850288885381308,0.21844202654111566,0.0,0.0705315387670806,0.0791622856687868,0.0,0.12212279119172352,0.0,0.11271526880517445,0.0,0.0,0.09088410127525597,0.0,0.0,0.09839515268059884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222258523524384,0.0,0.3650137789899032,0.10463543302294932,0.0,0.0,0.10411442016054047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888909129507411,0.1980197241203734,0.08277356605598027,0.0,0.0,0.08294326750239138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870207681336229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582863728012887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820805933903316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115643656848785,0.0,0.11321595408124514,0.0,0.10835746011176793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176411894324015,0.0,0.0,0.08349171372429594,0.0,0.09358604165155436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787977541939626,0.11380197785864372,0.0,0.13405626858593864 ptsd,soberhi5er,2019/07/13,Need support RN Always scared someone is lying to me. Out to get something I have or wants to hurt me. All the time. I'm super scared all the time. IDK what to do.,-1.1085714285714268,0.9719095714285756,0.9628571428571426,100.62714285714287,96.14285714285714,2.8000000000000003,15.571428571428573,3.1291,-1.3023142857142858,125,3,29,0,5,41,26,35,0.311,0.5489999999999999,0.139,-0.7983,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,8,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,2,5,8,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511463796348558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15769349172165856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231147951268332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238028002001236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6043681043147944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25573921348865153,0.23236314750148035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3425126169191344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35199849669457633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802689933822302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,razzelberriez,2019/07/13,"Crazy thoughts ruin all relationships... I had convinced myself while at a party that my ex boyfriend was attending that he had been going around the party showing everyone naked pictures he had of me... I was so upset about it that I overshared this information with some coworkers, in detail... I spoke to a friend of mine that was also at this party about the incident and he told me what I thought happened never actually happened. At work the next day I took a deep ass breath and unveiled my crazy to a coworker. She’s making small remarks like “everyone’s a little crazy, isn’t that right? & gestures toward me...and “people lie to me everyday” while glancing in my direction.. I fear I have ruined my chances of ever fitting in at this job and I’ll have to quit due to being treated like garbage for this. I didn’t lie. I sincerely thought that that was what had happened, and I told her that. I’ve had enough of this paranoia. Not being able to trust anyone due to my trauma has turned me into...well just a really lonely paranoid person. I’m so tired of fighting with myself every day. I’m tired of people treating me like shit for symptoms of illnesses that I never asked for. It fucking hurts. Help?",4.1040131578947365,6.030485168103452,4.888484573502723,81.76286751361164,72.31896551724137,7.298003629764065,28.58983666061706,8.032893268588372,2.034358620689656,957,38,172,14,19,309,128,232,0.21,0.665,0.125,-0.9733,2,2,0,0,3,0,34.0,0,0,0,2,8,19,3,2,9,0,17,8,3,1,4,19,34,9,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,4,1,0,1,18,7,0,0,4,1,0,3,5,10,0,0,18,2,27,9,30,14,3,28,0,4,1,2,16,14,3,1,14,118,45,2,0.129751033079477,0.0,0.12661829147403095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376185427590066,0.0,0.1405851901322043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072493919095614,0.0,0.0,0.11550592825720625,0.1212997008273338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735736460222705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406750180852106,0.0,0.0,0.11736723780722035,0.10932084148562886,0.24796534493161404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146005985148852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002453262958501,0.11995273930168401,0.0,0.0,0.07374050221279747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442152301284429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869693824387793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890116448627618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12875787941853695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016940235439272,0.1300446219650841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660982211383479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001439912167116,0.0,0.13799169567340056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990605831730708,0.11329359735434795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380061950503774,0.0,0.0,0.08312183425579807,0.0,0.0,0.13930405155876774,0.0,0.11080667330227324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318757088363606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486100415283128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30902348080220265,0.0,0.298259450753648,0.0,0.24796534493161404,0.14415817191095098,0.0,0.14113186504338696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446029740920492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,worldwithouttears,2019/07/13,"i just realized i probably have some sort of ptsd and i feel sick I’m sorry if this isn’t the place to post this, but i really need to tell someone... I don’t even know what to write, I just feel so sick and anxious. I’m a 16 year old boy, dealt with shitty family trauma my whole life and it’s only gotten worse. I’ve been getting panicky from nothing lately, making it impossible to concentrate on anything. I’ve been having nightmares about traumatic events. I just now realized I probably have some sort of ptsd from it, and I feel like absolute shit now. Told my mom, and now I just feel like i’ve made her sad, which makes me feel shittier. Because I love her. I guess she’s gonna take me to the doctor, which i’m sure is what i need. I feel lost and afraid. Sorry for the incoherent rambling.",1.6734146341463436,3.756453597560977,3.4453048780487805,88.61783536585371,80.09756097560975,7.0268292682926825,21.835365853658534,8.07648339933343,1.1053853658536592,626,19,133,12,16,209,96,164,0.267,0.65,0.083,-0.9873,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,10,9,1,1,4,0,8,6,1,3,1,34,31,9,0,3,6,1,6,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,9,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,6,21,4,13,24,3,10,0,2,0,1,9,2,1,6,9,75,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034623284167506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095162051751315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081126336080084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621638272624614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879002554476244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125459078192835,0.0,0.4037454494820791,0.1901494526152418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953052426967947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660624377653006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313909370925238,0.0,0.15012374362044142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400066083783393,0.13003554275704038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452761279001972,0.0,0.12011286178343847,0.12592662329458645,0.17766825399716688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558655364377622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19735914096446716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769700245890675,0.0,0.1396485219293742,0.0,0.0,0.10121583617625136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904370882592335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745700063526108,0.0,0.286972583130568,0.0,0.3111344797941976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525656098138161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660808090517734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276103659095515,0.0,0.0,0.29795168659605736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542942234011822,0.0,0.10006206886100863,0.0,0.11632065808942707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716678319665953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858273645017714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356232383395387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570127305548443 ptsd,apeiron_doubt,2019/07/13,"I'm scared of losing my friends because I can't make myself talk (vent?) I've been sexually abused by more than one person but the most traumatic out of the few was from someone I had to be around very often when I was 5-6ish. It's summer now, but last school year (before this summer I mean) a few months into the year it started getting pretty complex, as I ended up having to deal with the police and my parents had to deal with child services, and long story short it had gotten out to some of my family and friends that I've been abused. I'm very uncomfortable about this but my mum and some of my friends get upset at me for not wishing to talk about it, so I've been trying my best to not avoid it, the problem is is that most of the time I quite literally can't talk about it. Everything is so vulgar and I hate it, I dont mind listening to others, in fact I like being there for other people and I'd listen to them all day, but when I try to talk I can't stop blaming myself and I can't get anything out, it's just like it's trapped in my head. I've tried writing things down to at least get it out somewhere, but for years I just can't make myself write anything, sometimes the things I want to say are not even that grotesque, but I can't just do it like I want to. I physically can't make myself write or type things out half of the time, let alone verbally. One of my friends specifically gets bugged by me not talking to her, she doesn't seem to understand that I want to but it's hard.. She's very close and important to me, I love her as if she was my sister, but she never believes it since I never talk to her. Thing is, I never really talk to anyone, including my therapist... Does anyone have tips on how I can overcome this..? Maybe I could code words or something, I don't know, but I'm scared of losing close friends from my issues. Extra thing, I'm really sorry for typing this out so weirdly, I haven't really slept properly in a while and my head is a little cloudy atm, thank you so much for reading if you got this far, even without a response I really appreciate it :)",4.660326393789696,4.538201754587156,5.618807339449543,84.64634086097392,69.29816513761467,8.542554693013411,27.09033168666196,8.139509932561175,1.4850768525052924,1639,45,356,20,26,542,198,436,0.122,0.735,0.14300000000000002,0.8637,1,3,1,0,2,0,48.0,0,2,1,4,19,20,1,4,12,0,34,4,3,4,5,74,63,32,0,8,21,3,1,3,5,0,0,3,0,2,30,21,0,2,5,1,1,0,19,9,0,3,12,4,55,11,60,47,12,42,0,2,0,1,36,21,0,10,24,251,85,5,0.0,0.17868405106940985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809634153341463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544918674892573,0.0,0.12410298956397275,0.06712600916582546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04596589529289232,0.0,0.06416369240805915,0.08495507203290215,0.07913239127266049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060204373210666726,0.0,0.0,0.04862967710731597,0.15547749749429715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598700327876204,0.0,0.08837353543412936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678602315356418,0.0,0.0,0.09960794813007427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776872014063716,0.0,0.07108467028588471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912867241230357,0.0,0.19697874652474293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060307882689801875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754763864007499,0.07444635209825055,0.15477358270947889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870272779457242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144035199540903,0.06146474761349883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710623014406709,0.0,0.1105165183996009,0.07557513815703157,0.0,0.06673062703925045,0.0,0.16871673949529234,0.0,0.0,0.06805552296380082,0.0,0.1509993071555028,0.0,0.07575397503433955,0.08213762748000518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613706942379561,0.0,0.06018716817530085,0.0,0.05543099809038311,0.0,0.17446984226188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219210798428804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372779553657887,0.0,0.0,0.05227599960368985,0.0658403180614484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671350488768468,0.0,0.07215194169234286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020198836257023,0.07542492517356912,0.0,0.1932242644969807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059964700533269376,0.1509861571682258,0.07631339953051577,0.0,0.06864544268425175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062375397854736836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389000479377346,0.058050083150133124,0.0745769980122038,0.0844091862776558,0.05337170710588785,0.0,0.0,0.06304155480964399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242510762974709,0.0,0.06942235076748947,0.0,0.08755045910449505,0.2504770614235073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793796357794575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535841574580044,0.0,0.0,0.0784987642281047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18664987710858896,0.13342661804163744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671147625909653,0.07268726611607915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567411524097112 ptsd,shantifaerie,2019/07/13,"how do i stop the body memories? every once in a while, if i'm lucky, a shot of liquor or sitting in a bath helps alleviate the terrible feeling of being violated i've gotten since i was 9. it feels so real when it's happening all i can do is writhe in the discomfort until it goes away. sometimes it goes on for hours. i'm in the middle of one of the worst episodes i've experienced right now, sitting in the tub isn't helping. nothing's helping. does anyone have a way to make it stop or a little less horrific at least?",4.115439056356486,4.469909770642205,5.963591087811272,80.04100917431194,70.55963302752293,9.164351245085193,30.25032765399737,9.23628265651192,2.4725795543905638,411,16,86,8,7,143,73,109,0.225,0.715,0.06,-0.9575,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,11,0,8,2,1,2,1,12,15,8,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,2,2,2,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,3,3,1,15,12,4,21,0,0,0,0,3,11,0,4,7,55,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491548750914749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004165547907345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23694498344066056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18667347819645028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797271687596714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21571704408824333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863383509257148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4289418374963849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100724007106666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137977662866678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238948313752786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20468158795127572,0.0,0.0,0.2271736156096217,0.144547829828439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242799280102225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821699266275171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764564519204148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21097408460233105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35668194409476994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931959436925698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,doloresishere,2019/07/13,"I saw my world die in front of me 10 weeks ago I saw my amazing Dad die in front of my eyes alone. It was unexpected. He was at home. He had just come out of the hospital and was meant to be recovering. There was no mention of death being a possibility. However he did die. And I witnessed it. Time seemed to slow and speed all at once. I tried to help him. I wanted to call an ambulance and he refused. I want to get another family member to help and he refused. I saw the light literally go from his eyes. I shook him and screamed. I thought he was joking. It wasn’t a joke. Ever since then I cannot stop thinking about it. My dreams keeping showing me flashes of his face. I will be eating, or out with friends and then the image comes back. It shocks me. It disturbs me actually. What do I do? Will these images ever go?? I can’t seem to remember my dad from before this one moment.",-0.35765447667086997,1.9084260655737708,2.114562841530056,92.43850252206812,94.3551912568306,5.219756200084071,19.6067675493905,6.844919456158928,0.3968580916351408,682,23,151,11,26,232,108,183,0.17,0.7190000000000001,0.111,-0.9127,1,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,6,0,17,4,3,0,3,29,33,10,4,2,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,9,12,1,4,6,4,0,7,4,4,0,1,13,7,26,4,22,15,1,26,0,0,5,0,19,7,0,3,12,98,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.14948411873293788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357871305637346,0.0,0.0,0.1586509740102798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062531017567014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177879624175168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303471084145354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641655933677678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26390648882033224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769380567418871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567440397689692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771248594099031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14440692043467745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118348495181712,0.0,0.08003158504448855,0.0,0.17411440100603598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053501328956905,0.0,0.15365463547830185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615573136329925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313446746573246,0.10380049276017672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726903630678073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352602230190806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.278903368055049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267142279603278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806751093958904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815322351702062,0.0,0.12160987210123715,0.08932200471997961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104000928830685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180702130177218,0.0,0.122873840234696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Harleygryl808,2019/07/13,"Enduring Pain and Feeling Trapped Today was my first day back at work after a 8.5 month absence due to debilitating PTSD symptoms from interaction with an abusive and controlling boss. It was supposed to be an ""easy day"" which meant checking in and doing the administrative ""stuff"" for only 2 hours. I have been terrified of this day but as my therapist pointed out, I wouldn't be ok unless I tried and proved to myself what would happen- good or bad. To most, the simple things are taken for granted from getting out of bed, getting ready for work, driving to work, getting out of the car and walking into the building you work in. My boss doesn't understand the terror and anxiety I feel walking toward the building, let alone entering it. I was escorted to a desk where I will sit temporarily away from my team in a fishbowl where there is no privacy and people approach from all angles (back, side, front). Because the cubicle walls are low, there is no privacy. I tried to hold it together and be strong in an effort to show them that they ""can't get the best of me"" but instead, I couldn't control my crying as I walked into the building, went up the elevator and wad shown the place I would sit. I ended up crying the entire 2 hours 1 was there backed into the corner of the 5'x5' cubicle fishbowl. It's a quiet area so people kept walking by to take a peak at the crying person on the corner. It was mortifying. My boss watched me then gave me a ""standards and expectations brief"" of which I cried through and could make out anything she said. I asked if I could sit somewhere else and was told I have to endure the pain, especially because I am safe there from what they see before they entertain moving my location. I asked how long and they said as long as it takes because they know I am safe and just need me to see it too. I am terrified. I was only there for 2 hours but it felt like 10. I am being forced to live through hell. Is my employer right? Am I forced to sit in an area I don't feel safe and am constantly triggered until I ""get over it""? I am feeling trapped...",5.9908088235294095,6.079051561274513,6.4841176470588255,78.85352941176474,66.47549019607844,9.349019607843136,32.44117647058823,9.075114841892004,2.654532352941177,1639,63,318,26,24,534,203,408,0.133,0.748,0.11900000000000001,-0.8152,1,3,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,1,6,11,15,15,1,1,27,1,38,3,0,8,2,63,67,29,0,9,7,0,5,1,0,4,3,3,1,1,17,23,0,7,9,3,1,12,7,6,0,1,17,11,46,9,59,38,3,68,1,1,3,0,17,32,1,3,21,229,63,10,0.0,0.10558383838872253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229376045444013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817088165127408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333206246029114,0.0,0.16661647052556608,0.0,0.08372420460496237,0.20556622590431428,0.07440528409856645,0.1629666094187366,0.0,0.07582824420076087,0.0,0.09351815745659584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962990437878545,0.19989467719614087,0.1422982918357978,0.0,0.3915439496034537,0.17241073071261767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444212794801339,0.0,0.07892729802205159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802319968515569,0.0,0.08556205385711604,0.0,0.0,0.07579911709643103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327882316816591,0.0,0.0,0.07474340622903927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880196234886742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632738300085071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897394481117293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911236531024516,0.0,0.04353590652756882,0.0,0.0786880429087175,0.15772366249192418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948334074622245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112881311636826,0.09471257240383801,0.0,0.0660758507344725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554826901786954,0.18964414123112452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235588886804645,0.07780966975011863,0.09310368199873033,0.0,0.08424019413365026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416784013531216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610165849701725,0.1695329449443627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202238151226393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201258689006393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262209374887027,0.13400314358751478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034665765592774,0.05920244009500016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844683084880593,0.08515089135292019,0.0,0.12100318794029682,0.0,0.0,0.09276934103934197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260825669844497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25950008535504043,0.0,0.0,0.12660604359453212,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Error__Horror,2019/07/22,"So I was just diagnosed. I wrote my story down on this account before but to recap. I had a very abusive boyfriend for six months in my dirty year of college. He was physically, mentally, and sexually abusive towards me. And now four months after I left him I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD. I honestly thought it was just anxiety. Bad anxiety that I could take a pill for and manage. Something close to my depression ya know? But now I just feel shattered. I’m so numb to everything and while I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow I just need to tell someone. I knew I was traumatized. But I never thought it’d be, I guess worthy is the word I’m gonna use, of PTSD. I just need advice. Honestly, I’m so lost and confused that anything would help. I don’t know how to face this monster and while I know I’m not alone. I fear I’m running out of the strength to fight it anymore. I’m just so tired and lost.",1.5051337359792925,3.747047278688527,3.3193212539545582,88.41960310612599,81.6775956284153,6.912740868564856,26.57146965775093,8.032893268588372,1.7861103825136615,704,31,147,14,19,235,105,183,0.27699999999999997,0.607,0.11599999999999999,-0.9898,0,1,1,0,1,0,22.0,0,1,0,3,13,11,1,2,4,0,12,6,1,2,1,38,36,17,0,4,10,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,7,10,0,0,7,0,1,1,3,8,0,2,12,2,23,3,18,19,0,18,0,3,1,0,7,7,0,2,10,92,30,2,0.0,0.3228951983393897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315316350274767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411258225795268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084793533525329,0.0,0.13513479621748534,0.0,0.0,0.11213160657020284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377266318948012,0.0,0.0,0.11594850274711918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879372228473552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173618326939034,0.2766051141155548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246305252234005,0.0,0.0,0.15333207360041165,0.06889791001468236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010740758955793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133321305623276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22465727517472586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804852148570485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29749105334132697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731954577279934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175252630454497,0.0,0.0,0.20207235552283426,0.10509327121293784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185648098645945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858277589369468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545392913537875,0.10490076198854006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245169215077024,0.0,0.1190985594142238,0.0,0.0,0.15821010710278344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21635282532795674,0.0,0.15661255258937684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768618853065355,0.0,0.11243001026728326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679626205412784,0.0,0.0,0.08774794029299751 ptsd,arustydoorknob,2019/07/22,"My relationship with sleep is so poor. Between the hypervigilance that makes me feel unsafe to sleep, and the violent, horrifying nightmares, I often wake up screaming and decide that sometimes I just won’t sleep at all. Until I hit a wall of course. Then I sleep during the day where the sunlight makes me feel safe enough to do so. I can handle getting up to pee pretty often, even the crippling fear of “is it safe to sleep”?, but it’s the nightmares. They’re so crippling I swear. They take DAYS, not minutes- to leave my head and be forgotten. Waking up screaming leaves me a shaking mess for hours.",5.402631578947368,6.72543009649123,5.390307017543861,81.79756578947371,68.21052631578948,7.454385964912281,29.16228070175439,7.645422480735847,1.7661964912280699,477,17,88,5,8,149,74,114,0.19899999999999998,0.741,0.06,-0.9407,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,8,8,1,2,8,0,6,9,9,2,1,17,13,9,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,2,6,0,0,0,4,12,2,15,10,2,12,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,2,5,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718739547886344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796389697467955,0.0,0.1009745130397348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203031371972632,0.15459947545413566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987247356421752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15689698903441404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055408854932506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32375157131644805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20409457672934087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553194187857225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641338173065447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7649423050264567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120030478720256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494527092710308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,VulturesInTheSky,2019/07/22,"My sister... My sister was in a car crash 3 months ago and is suffering PTSD. I don’t really know how to help so I’m turning to you guys. Help? Also, any subreddits to help with this?",-0.7430769230769272,1.3623469999999998,2.2776410256410284,92.62569230769232,91.82051282051279,6.196923076923077,15.492307692307696,7.554174236665415,0.2322369230769228,139,3,32,3,5,49,32,39,0.134,0.67,0.196,0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,6,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,5,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,2,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696013188630969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24322025082993104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068252915669092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30114592491686965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6115748940368624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714711702594726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427612497975859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35552280365752675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948395536897673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308164436294293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Bonocity,2019/07/22,"Relationship PTSD and Resentment (Long read, sorry!) For context, I get really over the top fight or flight anxiety in relationship based situations. Specifically, the triggers are a partners late nights out such as parties, bars etc. This was due to circumstances with a past ex who was a blackout drinker, so each night like that left me worrying where she was and what state she was in. Overtime the worry and fear also evolved into anger and resentment towards the ex for putting me in a helpless and powerless position. As just my luck goes, with every important partner since her, that set of anxiety related emotions has carried over. Last night happened to be a triggering night as my partner went to a street party in our city. I was doing well until she called me to let me know she was going to be out later as she decided to go to an after party. At that point my fight or flight emotions kicked in and downhill I went. I'm in therapy and have a few things I normally do to combat my mind in these situations but last night for some reason it all went out the window. Logically I know that my emotional response is mine and not the result of my current partner's actions or choices however during last night, I was acutely aware of how powerful my resentment of her was. Even as I told myself that it wasn't her causing any of this, it was like my emotions didn't care. Today I'm struggling with processing that because of how powerful of an emotion it was at the time. I'm also not sure how to re-frame it either. I'm curious if anyone here experiences similar feelings and what they do to work through them?",6.877411003236247,7.098730478964403,7.334773462783173,73.05161003236248,64.59870550161814,10.750161812297735,36.58414239482201,10.504223727775694,3.95837346278317,1294,60,230,30,18,425,172,309,0.11699999999999999,0.792,0.092,-0.72,5,0,1,0,2,0,27.0,1,0,2,4,12,15,6,2,16,0,22,1,0,8,2,45,38,26,0,2,9,2,1,2,4,0,0,0,1,4,18,17,1,0,6,2,0,7,4,9,1,0,16,1,32,6,47,19,6,49,0,1,0,0,24,21,0,6,21,169,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939606784131095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05926856887159303,0.0,0.13334707831906875,0.0,0.0,0.0609409877387793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05312904058929978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889952700930988,0.0,0.08886060124674074,0.08953246516287662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4901897116542072,0.0,0.0,0.09720115891278366,0.057565230542109075,0.0,0.07343206972612501,0.0,0.0,0.0852545729400758,0.0,0.0980739037147963,0.044068320699424214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553502875407151,0.0,0.09906469117037407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707111299208452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579650865799202,0.21312952026457746,0.09831493511989267,0.0,0.09469445041971956,0.08912216339764155,0.0,0.08515932017896786,0.0,0.0,0.07712966689601228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800197246223686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4907358727765177,0.08539365487098105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831995622525497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823898964826097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10187984077944,0.08761511375624574,0.0,0.0,0.08717885043807888,0.0,0.05583389448788287,0.08961012809408364,0.0,0.18714427529429306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209573583374694,0.19593233901254292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756318364473997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111360639976854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214280580873566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966964116769557,0.0,0.0579020853537723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050820935897179016,0.0,0.08261300040870155,0.08328059065056957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836305014859841,0.2423814114386637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345007092371395,0.1770208044202342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wcaomifw,2019/07/22,"Ptsd from a relationship? Is that a thing? When I was younger I thought ptsd was just something veterans have. But can a toxic relationship scar you that badly? If so, what do you do? How do you overcome something that scared you but seems so trivial? (Using the word trivial isn’t intended to downplay anyone else’s feelings or circumstances. I’ve just gone through life hearing how stupid it is to allow a boy to negatively effect you. And here I am, with ptsd, because of a boy.)",2.83989010989011,5.565684252747253,3.6491098901098944,85.10839010989012,80.0989010989011,6.277362637362637,28.880219780219782,7.554174236665415,1.972454065934066,381,18,70,6,10,121,61,91,0.146,0.828,0.026000000000000002,-0.8652,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,5,0,1,8,3,1,1,6,0,11,1,0,6,0,18,17,10,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,2,8,0,7,13,0,2,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,3,1,52,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153575500085454,0.19274806001019926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15706980709187182,0.11467435507182636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714758458301728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511758916125933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202149008618412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328725747858639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6596959914925851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40393443654767536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833789799713746,0.0,0.0,0.1712546186314316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28964325853723805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249765518369808,0.0,0.0,0.14934385635962574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247265741773198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sexrobotegg,2019/07/22,"Symptoms Hi there! To be clear, I’m not asking for a diagnosis and such. I just wanted to hear some thoughts from people who might have been through or do go through similar things. To keep it brief, I’ve suffered some pretty traumatic experiences with a past partner of mine. Initially, I landed in a hospital and was admitted to an inpatient unit, being treated there. Often times, when I just recall.. anything from that time, I get sent into a panic. I start crying, sobbing and shaking and hyperventilating. I want to be alone, I can’t handle any stress or being touched at that time. It’s just so painful and vivid, yet not. My chest also gets tight and fluttery. Does this sound similar to what some other people may experience? I’m trying to decide whether to reach out and discuss this some more.",4.853200000000001,6.841179853333332,5.411666666666665,78.5275,70.46666666666667,7.933333333333334,29.83333333333333,8.59863814320734,2.4405333333333337,638,26,112,11,12,205,106,150,0.16899999999999998,0.769,0.062,-0.9574,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,3,5,0,11,3,1,0,1,33,25,13,0,2,8,0,2,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,10,10,0,2,3,0,0,4,3,6,0,0,4,5,9,1,19,15,5,16,0,2,1,0,8,5,1,9,7,82,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910712252174626,0.0,0.14753289900445846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254563908563877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518157560491647,0.0,0.17246893510447267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264853715150896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614444072198591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609242210061511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927720028942924,0.0,0.10484729808867192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079284414968124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397909041692751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570984384274695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19630546118137526,0.21645385450229704,0.0,0.0,0.1761121788455913,0.2557978798397595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18768796440156155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057970794068852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113273898942806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917509574608728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225638949926535,0.0,0.0,0.14646079172143447,0.3227247419159362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525346925475248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21762852467662305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dontwanttobe______,2019/07/22,"Third person memories VS First person memories?? Does anyone else remember their trauma as a third party, not inside their own body? I realized last night this probably isn't helping me process it, but I have no idea how to shift from ""oh that happened to that girl, poor thing"" to ""oh that happened to *me*"". It just hurts way *way* more to think like that, but obviously not admitting to my own trauma isn't helping anyone, least of all me.",4.019535283993116,6.073386168674703,4.6728399311531845,82.67951807228917,72.855421686747,8.11635111876076,26.314974182444054,8.841846274778883,2.0931769363166963,344,12,64,7,7,110,56,83,0.22,0.722,0.057999999999999996,-0.9384,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,2,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,1,2,14,7,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,5,3,0,3,0,0,8,1,9,7,5,5,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,0,4,44,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829731395822241,0.2073296484636997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22476323965724024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770762778272829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903596055281928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211727983378766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578716988958235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27125947303673426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166179385558994,0.2284264935772029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164940794159306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885711197783864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989008298272744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35336529540622696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181655890660109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292210708803685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344311561797067,0.12965655932449874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212291732474243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dhoium3009,2019/07/22,"I don't think I'll ever escape the war in iraq Background before I get into it.... June 6, 2011 we were in Iraq when we got his by an IRAM (improvised rocket assisted mortar) attack, where they shot water heaters at us filled with 200lb of HME (homemade explosives). I went to the VA for help after a suicide attempt in February 2019. I checked myself into the loony bin about 18 hours after the suicide attempt and started (also finished) treatment. It's been several months since and I started having bad dreams the last 2 weeks or so. I just woke up, not sure if it was a noise, the cat doing something, a dream, idk... I thought I was back in Iraq with a friend of mine who was in the shower when we got attacked and ended up decapitated. He died running naked to the bunker and ended up the result of a direct hit on the bunker. Was found with his head detached laying a few feet from his body still blinking and looking around with an extreme look of fear on his face. In this dream, we started getting attacked and I told him to run for the bunker, then I ran the other way for a further bunker and I got knocked over and knocked out from percussion by the blast of when he got hit. That's when I woke up and I propped up out of bed, ran into the wall, stumbled and ran into the closet full bore and went face first into the wall in there. I fell over again and when I got back up I started coming to and noticed I was covered in blood, all over me, the clothes in the closet and all over the carpet.",5.203720760233921,5.154373743421054,5.513771929824562,85.61251461988306,68.14473684210526,7.676608187134504,29.71783625730994,6.691623216298621,1.4444472222222222,1174,39,243,7,18,374,165,304,0.12300000000000001,0.831,0.046,-0.9763,1,0,1,0,0,2,35.0,5,0,1,3,17,9,4,1,28,0,10,7,6,1,4,43,37,24,4,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,7,31,1,0,3,3,1,10,2,7,0,1,22,2,31,2,54,13,4,72,0,0,2,0,17,35,0,2,26,168,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076290104075574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103571499554763,0.0,0.3873550689290854,0.0,0.17454320362929182,0.09476461852899276,0.0,0.0,0.0965769396954276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12606873524106615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977669599504177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779117697016038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010479599453058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266384563828787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12771482231019793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653984261335724,0.0,0.12444276753453727,0.08768691243889719,0.0,0.11859420061686847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538665506226667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164798845172224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607413636689317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117709329907827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925145826382954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19061651141030256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059161487056967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921621994734586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821844425090387,0.0,0.09388526144637196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737494943481147,0.0,0.0,0.3213328875044565,0.0,0.09063824279237412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24829292778922984,0.0,0.1069688617517631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272380694758901,0.0,0.09010333583265097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845051980143784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652200066877596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900880314227389,0.09103983665485398,0.0,0.0,0.2104243005914166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pikledgravy12222,2019/07/22,"Do I have ptsd? Very long story short almost one year ago my brother was lit on fire and 75% of his body 3rd degree burned. He barely survived. What I've personally had to go through because of this is helping with things such as showers and dressings because he's basically paralyzed right now. The showers are excruciatingly painful for him and I can see the hopelessness in him when he has them. I have flashbacks of him screaming in pain while in the showers and flashbacks of his burned body which makes me very upset and I'll start crying and not be able to think straight. I can give more details if needed. I just dont want to go talk to someone for a diagnosis",3.898783216783219,5.938734892307693,4.3590909090909085,84.85954545454545,73.15384615384616,6.573426573426572,29.51048951048952,7.348242739294969,1.697923076923078,536,23,103,6,11,169,92,130,0.187,0.763,0.05,-0.9602,3,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,1,1,4,5,0,1,4,0,12,4,2,1,0,15,21,10,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,3,1,4,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,5,0,1,2,4,13,0,17,18,1,16,0,1,2,0,14,7,0,2,7,65,17,0,0.1798540027958865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594297217089915,0.0,0.18009780394320302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21927466151974448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995545038472872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19756117677793344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21078755179406114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17253234795612338,0.20443034905204646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055234691441412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15916513279895306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005394345547404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335946415135533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187372695267015,0.0,0.38275467924974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704157794908458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023970463995534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359433568211142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433203544520816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238971292065534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273015888824006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445598346987925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948700773069156,0.11524318280526635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967967762830773,0.10608255070554556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582008105544095 ptsd,Due_Salamander,2019/07/22,"Feeling incredibly lost Hi everyone, I’m just using my throwaway account for this. Basically, about a month ago, my therapist who I had been seeing for other issues diagnosed me with PTSD and broken attachment disorder(s). This all stems from growing up in a mentally and emotionally abusive household in which I was never shown any sort of love. It shaped my world view to be that I must work to earn people’s love and if I don’t, then I am undeserving. This then stemmed into getting into really toxic relationships later in life in which I was sexually assaulted, cheated on, and emotionally abused to the point where I thought I was going psychotic. The realization of all of this is just incredibly overwhelming. I’ve been healing from my previous abusive relationship for over a year now and want to get back into dating. Problem is, my PTSD makes it near impossible for me to open up and trust people. Or even have the energy to try. I’ve been reading some things online and talking to my therapist about getting back into dating and relationships and it all seems to be “it’s not going to happen until you’re healed/stable/etc”. I’m at a point where I don’t think I’m going to be at that point and feel like I’m going to an outcast and unloveable since I’m not a healthy person to be around. It’s making my depression worse and I don’t know how to process these emotions and thoughts anymore. All I’ve dreamed of my whole life is just finding one person I can spend my life with happily. But now that I’m so fucked up, it doesn’t seem like that’s in the books for me. Does anyone have any advice? Any methods for helping to get out of a funk like this? I’d love to hear your stories or anything suggestions you might have.",6.352121661721071,6.608240614243325,6.983280415430268,75.00762091988132,65.70623145400593,10.063442136498518,33.17047477744808,9.888512548439397,3.1730618397626102,1385,55,257,28,20,457,175,337,0.126,0.769,0.105,-0.9119,0,0,1,0,1,1,29.0,0,2,0,3,15,15,3,1,11,0,25,9,0,4,6,55,59,22,0,4,9,0,2,3,0,2,5,1,0,2,21,22,0,0,9,3,2,5,7,8,0,1,10,5,25,7,52,43,6,46,0,3,2,4,16,27,1,8,17,175,46,4,0.0,0.31442120248475325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643914599018605,0.07841178365181391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804613577313736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772556408962989,0.061851183509298,0.0,0.07279256500906085,0.07874547427374233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360359289945407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761878750983995,0.0897819819360624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740930726646766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29850662027193675,0.0,0.0,0.09865292540057287,0.058425007045781,0.0,0.0,0.08452444383032715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945302305273334,0.06319369069078824,0.0,0.0,0.08084808550802633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177706105016623,0.184860503518032,0.0,0.20108858160077714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822222333140587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969745557890464,0.0,0.059290855203433135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232611477781777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04861364786170928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18743936216536708,0.1296468502240405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656125289886393,0.0,0.23950765877470395,0.0,0.11809145421404595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914383971144706,0.09383888669778613,0.0,0.0,0.07060552477429967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822348319778296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059940745102072486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264987694284897,0.15447446188182876,0.0,0.0,0.2508613395881283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464139219567253,0.20680297322904626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848092682199886,0.0,0.056667812290992575,0.0,0.0,0.2849091065825354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048876775129004,0.16105584133711331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317253547653567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109837715099276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20541076434429992,0.058766893016869624,0.0566796668814818,0.0,0.14044993721479676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005648913268472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639843743719843,0.0,0.0,0.05217422401538754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875906935396322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643977415857227,0.0,0.09014522898947197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05696340080698139 ptsd,--ExistentialDread--,2019/07/22,"My childhood trauma and repressed memories. Trigger warning: CSA & possible incest I have been diagnosed with PTSD for years, but I feel like there was more to my trauma than I originally thought. I am going to use this post to track reasons I feel more may have happened than I used to think. First, I will explain a little bit of background info/timeline stuff about my childhood. 1. I had anxiety that landed me in therapy before the age of 5. 2. Selective mutism with my pre-school teachers. I never once spoke to them the entire year, but I did speak to a few select friend I had. 3. In second grade, I threw up at school a lot due to anxiety or some kind. 4. My father died when I was 9 and my mom said that I cried the day it happened, but after that day, I didn't cry at all for 1-2 years. Reasons I believe I was molested or raped as a child: - Lately, I have been having flashbacks that involve me feeling so worthless and unlovable that I almost feel like I'm not even human. I don't have visuals with the flashbacks, but I do get physical symptoms (racing heart, tight chest that almost feels like I am being crushed or held down, headache in the front center of my forehead, nausea that almost makes me gag, possibly more I can't think of right now) and the put me in a mindset that makes me feel helpless and undeserving of anything that makes me happy. (I need to stop for now, but I will add more when I can. )",5.400667220951984,5.525735053003538,5.9546497609644575,82.02092080648514,67.72791519434628,8.496279359800461,31.134691332363328,8.124751697461798,2.1342539596757435,1112,41,220,13,17,361,160,283,0.19,0.716,0.094,-0.983,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,1,1,8,14,2,1,11,0,24,7,3,9,2,50,49,17,1,1,9,2,7,3,1,3,2,3,0,2,12,9,0,4,12,0,0,4,5,8,0,2,14,10,40,6,32,31,9,36,0,2,0,2,11,12,0,9,22,151,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124647513637691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269903996805937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914072976257565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559459443860222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850818580031042,0.11718807035522825,0.0,0.0,0.11355626238392487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22850881624489816,0.13416074840115694,0.0,0.0,0.10557194035894464,0.10795002833793244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870021385472018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31555538241656605,0.22292269787786168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847418808364135,0.0,0.0,0.08036089736197041,0.0,0.054342980716410284,0.0,0.059113508317126265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18395833369256995,0.11072475305624854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325699721559855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083144926483915,0.0,0.0,0.1173322334374882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15244784359209826,0.10424927429903523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842891607775487,0.0,0.0,0.20829029988552755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181984718161977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771250044803436,0.08022194814506325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077143123860536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23452013514131986,0.09961658423326336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158670751631,0.1045627194623442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21388726860423565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882732022823482,0.0989410578377792,0.0,0.0,0.21053528221988188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696029540736963,0.0,0.0,0.11907105445473955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811029015830123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189489835888884,0.0,0.0,0.13329584138247147,0.0,0.08257543482175182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966926340254522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20094466471858252 ptsd,throwingitaway2007,2019/07/22,"i don't want to admit that i might have abandonment trauma mainly because the source of it is from someone abruptly leaving my life. i have a history of friends leaving me in this manner even when they swear i've done nothing wrong, but this time hit me hard because i was finally myself around someone and had my guard down and i still got the same result. now the thought of even forming a casual friendship with someone new is enough to send me into a panic attack. i always get flashbacks to them leaving and think about how everyone else will just do the same thing. it's getting to the point where i don't even want to leave my house because i don't want to be seen by anyone. i don't want anyone to have thoughts about me or even know i exist because for some reason i feel like that would give them a chance to hurt me in some way. i'm always suspicious of everyone and if someone says they want to be my friend i assume they don't actually care about me and just want to use me until someone better comes along. i just feel like this isn't valid because everyone has had someone who has left their life, so why should i let this affect me so much? knowing that i might have abandonment trauma just makes me feel even more weak i guess. i'm not diagnosing myself with anything but one thing i do know is that this isn't just my anxiety/depression talking because it's never felt this suffocating before. it's like a new sense of impending doom that follows me everywhere. idk, i just really needed to get this off of my chest",7.018676470588236,6.2291982777777815,6.985089869281048,79.04665441176472,64.58823529411765,9.872222222222225,33.177287581699346,9.017664075816787,2.655575816993464,1227,43,240,17,16,392,153,306,0.17,0.736,0.094,-0.9554,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,6,1,22,18,1,1,10,0,30,5,1,6,1,60,63,14,0,10,11,0,5,3,2,5,4,1,0,0,19,11,0,3,13,1,0,3,9,10,0,1,9,7,42,8,33,45,9,23,1,4,1,0,14,9,0,8,13,173,61,0,0.0,0.0,0.07766007808722934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243638991225282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11129049018125224,0.0,0.06548880540168825,0.07084441989830759,0.0,0.09053546116228736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910729144424558,0.0,0.06771800712825074,0.0,0.0,0.07038338218626021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113865755623101,0.0,0.0,0.0685524278539884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854344156805235,0.08077356173472941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814395191376133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06648014343677948,0.0,0.0,0.08222897764771145,0.0,0.26281419788800897,0.0,0.0,0.22813064162533095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071641420859378,0.11370609929045288,0.07641073367944104,0.08717765889181618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296896092002944,0.0,0.1247341696900319,0.07634183996626034,0.0,0.0,0.06364860681497747,0.0,0.08766800998993908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128940532029872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182638256754153,0.08519365689453877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120775690286746,0.0,0.0,0.33706133149473944,0.0864655480300718,0.08137749008148795,0.11242155396810408,0.11663852406090053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053121278688719006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884682080642274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058501569702979615,0.0590086844051882,0.06137816979534678,0.1537206446352667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636060919968056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392649360732382,0.0,0.0,0.0933717601179398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752302539371011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05098195579730252,0.0818230508795092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328641425949673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045749523765222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635539000393145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396460661933852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574084373492143,0.050992620938303784,0.0,0.12635766586593353,0.046404620907284484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873287679442212,0.0,0.0,0.28163543376462924,0.06316810175694497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180993845230027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653242438210195,0.08700989286170616,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bonneville_777,2019/07/22,"EMDR experience? I was diagnosed with PTSD about a month ago, should have been years ago. I had my first EMDR session and it broke me down, cried for 40 minutes during treatment. I wanted to know what your guys' experience was with it? I'm having cold feet going to my next treatment. Thanks for any advice.",2.364926108374384,5.1614887931034525,3.3069458128078817,86.11120689655175,83.48275862068967,5.383251231527094,20.354679802955662,6.868970318607317,0.5958886699507393,242,7,44,3,7,77,45,58,0.098,0.852,0.049,-0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,7,2,1,0,0,6,12,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,1,7,1,8,7,0,8,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,28,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23227952619286266,0.42141674922721856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616454296248418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26110435368891793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412624047342215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4650361003397232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218909779807426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509145631287944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353622327529022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063473687149274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973137290174946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527986461742345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778607775831794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21884395495762596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020272753678564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15307221743354574 ptsd,ELocker,2019/07/22,"Do yall remember the anniversary of your trama? I don't, and maybe it's for the best that I don't have to have an ""anniversary"". Anyone else not remember?",1.7130208333333314,3.6585750937500015,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333336,79.3125,9.266666666666666,23.166666666666664,9.725611199111238,2.2915916666666667,121,4,26,4,3,42,24,32,0.0,0.846,0.154,0.6767,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270947388272196,0.3327769726732101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408380905132256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27131322337395525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262866164441484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7358281326930987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Myfacades,2019/07/22,"help around 2 years ago my best friends cousin ( a guy ) stayed the night with us because he was ""gay"" (later found out he faked being gay & trans just to sleep over with girls) and had no interest in girls therefore the parents let him stay over and like, everything was normal till we all went to bed on the floor i was in the middle of them and i was almost asleep when i felt a hand creep near my boobs very slowly, i froze, i was so fucking scared, im assuming he thought i was asleep but i could feel it all, his hand there and it twitching, it was fucking disgusting, eventually i shot up and said I needed a drink but when i was walking down the stairs he followed me around like a creep, i wanted to die, i was so scared i was around 13 at the time and like of course i was upset for the next few days, but i just pushed down that feeling and let it settle deep inside me for 2 years, jumping back to now, im 15 and have a boyfriend, and i cant have him even hug me without me shaking, crying and reliving that moment, this feeling has only started occurring this year due to the memory randomly being present all of a sudden, i cant have ANY guy touch me without me thinking of that guy, its terrible. i havent told anyone except my best friend. i dont know if this would be ptsd or what, i dont want to say i have ptsd because i dont want to self diagnose but this is really effecting me and my mental state and relationships.",4.613333333333333,4.618797959595959,5.267222222222221,86.68750000000001,69.40404040404039,8.485521885521885,27.61111111111111,8.167268648758528,1.517537373737374,1122,33,247,14,18,363,162,297,0.094,0.757,0.149,0.9308,2,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,2,0,1,3,14,18,3,4,14,0,31,14,6,2,3,53,50,23,1,8,11,2,8,3,2,1,2,2,1,6,13,19,1,0,10,1,0,6,9,9,0,0,18,10,39,9,33,25,6,46,0,0,0,6,25,18,3,5,22,165,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463766891170685,0.0,0.09560989091916998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345304106475356,0.0,0.06492998856246845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676215930634664,0.0,0.0,0.2549935635747582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734185818898283,0.0,0.11640800726172272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20040170911953806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623337987042803,0.0,0.10488080447420664,0.061576999314087215,0.0,0.0,0.09691065943716112,0.09909364549822736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357071723179612,0.0935345033112028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306394488439315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581168294429796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448333718929511,0.0,0.09167621719184467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468939871455436,0.14753593672394308,0.1765402977815387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836220074297928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399854127134165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062705677348915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247356507767023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952704835039414,0.0,0.13994079299909085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622184880424134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079755300387301,0.0,0.0,0.1015445549113008,0.08960194589143687,0.0935505806811824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261719413148067,0.0,0.0,0.10601975408860599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22322310197456768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06116722909828656,0.0,0.0,0.10251028399821807,0.0,0.0,0.09082378450058574,0.07592989596575117,0.19118519902707312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09960694574598697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554941719787434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758156268647103,0.20353893757038014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06118002494169405,0.0,0.07580082183464648,0.05567542542973982,0.0,0.0,0.09123567350061038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485124000762435,0.0,0.0,0.07878138096157856,0.16895055152226887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851134517613556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407951695403385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678265809850424,0.0,0.0,0.1844588619101492 ptsd,Pitpatcat,2018/11/01,"Disclosed PTSD to a friend and now I feel regret It’s been a hard month for me emotionally and the last few months have been some big changes. Not by choice , I moved from the east to the southwest (actually back to my troublesome hometown), my teen is expressing her need for independence , and the goals I started out with this year I haven’t even started on. I’m unable to find a therapist as I now live in a rural area and my anxiety is getting worse so I went to my pcm to get on meds to help. They didn’t help and I wound up having some emotionally charged conversations with a close friend. I came across as absolutely unhinged. I disclosed to this friend that I have PTSD and I was on meds for the first time in years. I mention it because I trusted this friend and I wanted them to know because I felt they should. I now feel that my friend is judging me, growing distant, and they’ll eventually stop talking to me. She mentioned that I shouldn’t have anything to stress about as I have roof over my head and my health. Which she’s completely right. Now I feel even more embarrassed and ashamed of my behavior. I feel selfish and ungrateful that I’m stressed for reasons that are “in my head”... Just looking for advice. ",4.312166666666666,5.793546550000002,4.556666666666668,86.14166666666668,71.0,7.833333333333335,30.0,8.344100000000001,2.0276250000000005,972,40,198,15,18,304,128,240,0.138,0.755,0.107,-0.6764,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,4,2,10,12,0,4,10,0,17,4,2,2,0,35,34,15,0,5,2,0,6,0,5,3,2,0,0,0,11,16,0,1,8,0,0,4,4,6,0,1,7,7,39,6,35,24,4,34,0,1,1,0,19,15,0,2,15,137,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.1096775653015296,0.0,0.0,0.1098273465547348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597893428826855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248835319087792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642186908738661,0.0,0.13702522311575638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854555244573132,0.0,0.0,0.1188949509894581,0.0,0.1178399991187342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528498684088557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484666101862768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273134018306161,0.0,0.1079131445560934,0.0,0.10272348949843817,0.09559986830273033,0.0,0.0,0.4341656798947258,0.0,0.1174394908208762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068040877504644,0.0,0.2306915221389225,0.11946655370789698,0.0,0.0,0.1506668588024544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176724549782073,0.09161380086069656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924345859468042,0.0,0.09438027292075517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2496824970889307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941911270031122,0.11945402262272592,0.0,0.08333662541438577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262758516979734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555683727136873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598144158695962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591020914017513,0.0,0.0,0.09396404723886,0.2574874016254143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033576185178728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049480616268308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553619266432799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629122160476819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041877367917432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453619990191385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475245190587374 ptsd,teslasballsack,2018/11/01,"I [20F] am uncontrollably afraid of my friend [21M] and need advice This past weekend I went out with a couple of friends of mine to a bar to celebrate a 21st birthday. Because it was nearing Halloween, the other female in the group and I decided that it was one of the only nights it would be appropriate to dress in sexy clothing. I'm not the type to go around flailing my body parts around, so this type of attire was/is extremely uncommon for me. As soon as we got to the bar I could instantly feel the stares from my male friends, I think mostly due to the shock factor, through the outfit wasn't as near surprising as some costumes out on the bar floor anyway. It was just a black, deep v cut lace top with a black pencil skirt to pair with it. &#x200B; As the night went on, the birthday friend (who happens to be one of my closest friends atm) and I had gotten progressively more drunk than the rest of the friend group. I don't drink, ever, and I'm a light weight, so one titos and soda really hits hard. My boyfriend ended up showing up after he got off his work shift, as he is close friends with the birthday friend as well, but as soon as boyfriend showed up, birthday friend began making strange comments towards me. Birthday friend kept telling boyfriend how lucky boyfriend was to have me, and how birthday friend would gladly be my rebound if needed. Due to my intoxication levels, I didn't notice any of this as the night went on. &#x200B; The next morning, boyfriend and I were making breakfast when he told me what happened, explaining the comments and the apparent ""handsy"" touching (nothing inappropriate) via birthday friend. I became flushed over with emotions, not knowing to react, going back and fourth between hyperventilating, being furious with rage (towards myself), crying uncontrollably, and just sitting in silence. To keep an already long story short, I'm a sexual assault victim, and it's been almost a year and a half since the incident. All at once, it was like everything was happening again. &#x200B; I don't know what to do. Yesterday upon seeing birthday friend, I experienced my post-assault symptoms over again. Soon-to-be therapist (in school for masters) friend says I'm going through a PTSD relapse, but I don't know how to stop whats going on. I feel like I invited the comments, due to my attire, but I wasn't ready to handle them. Thoughts scream in my head when I'm around birthday friend, my heart pounds and I feel sick, I get sweaty and my body feels like its going into flight mode all over again. In reality, I believe birthday friend isn't to blame, dude was incredibly drunk and was only ""drunk commenting"", he knows about the assault and never oversteps bounds. I'm assuming, due to the fact that birthday friend just got out of a 3yr relationship, that the comments were just a byproduct of the heartbreak (and maybe he was feeling jealous of boyfriend?). But.. Now I'm terrified of him. I don't want him to be anxious around me if I tell him what's going on (ie walking on eggshells around me in order to avoid something like this again), but I can't help but be violently/uncontrollably afraid of him. Please help reddit... What do I do? I can't keep living in fear, especially not of my best friends.. &#x200B; TLDR; group of friends go to a bar for \[21M\] friend birthday, birthday friend starts making concerning comments/gestures towards me. This causes a PTSD relapse the next day. I am now uncontrollably terrified of birthday friend and don't know what to do.",8.339130162703379,7.753564141337385,7.469805113534776,75.97747899159664,61.84194528875381,9.990416592168783,37.43804755944931,9.088552180705676,3.2749303057393164,2807,119,507,37,34,865,291,658,0.14400000000000002,0.71,0.145,-0.4681,3,1,2,0,0,0,120.0,1,0,1,5,29,48,7,7,40,0,41,18,4,8,5,94,93,43,0,8,15,0,8,4,22,2,3,2,0,1,24,35,11,6,15,11,1,11,15,17,1,4,27,16,54,31,101,56,8,90,0,1,4,0,52,44,0,7,37,325,78,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042701448667271394,0.0,0.0,0.04375751029388529,0.0,0.04822213318165894,0.0,0.0,0.18938825118634453,0.21239274896655205,0.029716325534834456,0.0,0.0,0.049366612625452486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194503646985471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03360127620606339,0.0,0.026638062898491417,0.0,0.0,0.049232991937573536,0.04585864373134732,0.0,0.0,0.09707786509478834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04489016575514887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034889516893582086,0.04835131022598935,0.04800050326687382,0.028181772361090464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04280767347526366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049154677842490425,0.03870370138923064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039527591586955936,0.0,0.0,0.03927319196447145,0.0,0.0,0.04917270831315357,0.11047580434367718,0.06243611290270019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7427459364963778,0.0,0.02283054515160705,0.0,0.1738431573017402,0.0,0.10484850749426353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159267210230802,0.0,0.039145071259323816,0.0,0.04484703718886859,0.0,0.0,0.051782666373551695,0.05858006533742183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768206941826537,0.0,0.0,0.12007714588777132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539507968367073,0.0,0.038586377488699516,0.03867159834483178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750681382374552,0.0,0.043900790769271024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480343455193133,0.03370280365800165,0.0,0.09294722259594897,0.12302361289203967,0.0,0.04192967349211082,0.049750775813370715,0.0,0.046537236807060636,0.08883324635153439,0.06646901464217081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732097355017023,0.04171494813058473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047967583696525415,0.0,0.0,0.041850868211570164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216189024567446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027994233977104818,0.0,0.0,0.046915593817310385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034750622267144836,0.0,0.0442249873245898,0.034821867607214285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036147664715013884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03364106706423736,0.0,0.0,0.03092986401825489,0.0,0.0,0.03653371464947102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04541923958298984,0.0,0.0,0.07638843700574194,0.0,0.0,0.050737065416801806,0.0,0.028000090214824996,0.0,0.034691549272016495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04175557449121682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02577437482782092,0.0,0.0,0.05321272666848387,0.039289997252395584,0.12152621639150415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031812864705108905,0.0,0.0,0.062084001709847424,0.0,0.21239274896655205,0.0281402564498808 ptsd,guyamas_sonora,2018/11/01,"Anyone else constantly tense their muscles? I'm always in a state of hypervigilance. I am on medication, which has lessened my anxiety a bit, but I still tense my muscles all of the time - especially my shoulders and knees. Does anyone else do this? Do you know of any techniques to try to actively stop doing it?",4.509310344827586,6.79000027586207,5.820206896551727,73.9954827586207,72.10344827586206,8.777931034482759,30.565517241379307,9.3871,3.101761379310344,248,11,43,6,5,83,45,58,0.157,0.794,0.049,-0.6747,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,5,3,2,0,1,5,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,7,7,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20024553626424849,0.0,0.0,0.1636547130600916,0.0,0.18410160946342927,0.0,0.0,0.33654532416991106,0.493162169775302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627346336883316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26006424622501445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060017714814855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020753505057728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322585514975746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424361655421324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921886394440226,0.20119965979541327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403287752690188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339000692385874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Lilginge7,2018/11/01,How to be a supportive partner? My gf and I have been together for 2+ years and the last 10 months have been really really hard. We broke up for about 12 hours last weekend because I don’t think that either of us have been happy for a while. We soon realized that we can work on that by setting some boundaries and being less dependent on each other. She’s mentioned that she can’t trust me as much anymore and I’m worried I hit a trigger (her abusive ex use to break up with her and her back together with her consistently). I’m actively working on learning more about ptsd and being understanding and loving but there are bad days and good days. We compromised and made a cot in a spare room for days when her ptsd is particularly bad and she doesn’t want any kind of touch. We have decided to start working on ourselves and enjoying things we once did again; my photography and her art to start with. Would love to know recommendations on how I can be a loving partner to an amazing woman that just happens to have ptsd,5.389082254379286,6.076441678217822,6.0086138613861415,79.65950114242195,67.86138613861387,9.383701447067782,30.884996191926884,9.466822959209583,2.639862452399086,817,31,161,16,13,266,121,202,0.078,0.758,0.16399999999999998,0.9649,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,7,0,0,3,10,13,0,0,8,0,21,3,0,6,0,40,37,18,0,2,3,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,7,22,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,2,23,10,28,26,6,27,0,1,0,3,25,9,0,2,16,115,30,4,0.0,0.15591805758136962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948882627384794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050646182566186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011881083836948,0.21975195347089366,0.08021883392684445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546028506742299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103752893822792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11636865159041215,0.14008487631085156,0.11788289495269663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959415258171628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703550368375642,0.07232093910947339,0.21453429111931568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35630773596278864,0.12451797245058414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503753745286216,0.0,0.09673715701343584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014393182663626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4614810621834513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686057139271772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18628664062511732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933196875527374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742559092903525,0.08432049265139745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699459764575855,0.15829207569457748,0.11365546477137525,0.0,0.0,0.07761789217782424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874072623344728,0.1336406827026644,0.0,0.09348101327139342,0.0,0.0,0.08474259436258194 ptsd,janaoq1,2018/11/01,"How are you guys with therapy? Hey, for about two years or so, my therapist was a older woman, with little to no experience to extreme trauma. I got to advance a little bit with my depression and dysthymia, but she couldn't deal with my ptsd. Some days, she made it get worse, forcing me to try meditation and self aware techniques, that forced me to confront things that I just couldn't. Also, she had no idea how my trauma worked and said very insensitive things. She is a good person and I believe she tried her best with me, but I feel that she made my resistances get worse, and now I found a trauma specialist, and I can't even go there, I'm scared. ",6.514750830564786,5.9763479612403145,6.59869324473976,80.57651162790702,65.51162790697674,9.85204872646733,30.05647840531561,9.23628265651192,2.25276877076412,513,15,105,8,7,164,81,129,0.248,0.6859999999999999,0.066,-0.9745,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,3,9,8,1,1,4,0,7,0,0,4,0,25,17,13,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,6,11,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,7,2,22,2,12,8,3,8,0,1,0,0,15,2,0,2,4,73,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642883602095714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811937992768787,0.16591137089758012,0.0,0.1725992328521018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195845551262844,0.16298941772227235,0.13616733825530386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442052211977884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464763948073507,0.0,0.0,0.0799377855875975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17334344837163548,0.0,0.0,0.1651966450047013,0.0,0.0898492603801714,0.13260292257971565,0.1264433354290959,0.0,0.0,0.1565393039016182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847046564518254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169062523133724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991873842968859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13804280717701034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18480506492347132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038493097491712,0.0,0.15828107756799514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649279838205372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807958705664981,0.18356094715613333,0.21006312065551866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467280087794585,0.0,0.15443623578888407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304452639048446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509533570867315,0.0,0.32222544261952035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180825565536253 ptsd,Spankerdoodledandy,2018/11/01,Advice/hypersensitivity Anyone here find an effective way to slow down their startle reflex without feeling like their guard is down? Need to stop having a heart attack at every little noise because it's extra annoying.,6.363108108108107,9.923081459459464,6.833716216216224,62.543547297297316,72.24324324324327,6.943243243243244,28.16891891891892,8.07648339933343,2.7499783783783798,182,7,22,3,4,59,34,37,0.314,0.615,0.071,-0.8262,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,1,1,4,2,1,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,7,4,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,6,4,1,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22198667030929967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36117489527813584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935304834194756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26748730628220274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052545488957518,0.22680498876622204,0.0,0.0,0.29016740318494205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762107062443504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551027857750251,0.3181944554506612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354045048971612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654242346436429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519977503189295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30603563055281274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RedheadInA6Speed,2018/11/01,"It all makes sense now and I don’t know what to do.... I should have known, I have years of medical training. I have seen it in others so why couldn’t I see it in myself? A little context, I am a paramedic and have been working on completing a degree. I just had to do a research paper on mental illness and decided on PTSD since those in my field have seen some shit, myself included. I was prepared for that going into the job. What I was not prepared for, was in doing research learning that an experience I had many years ago has caused so many problems I thought where just weird modest quirks I have. 5 years ago an ex sexually exploited me with revenge porn and attempted to have people gang rape me. I was never physically hurt, but it was a horrible time. I have had to deal with random strangers sending me the photos my ex secretly took as well as people using the photos to pretend to be me and gotten some creepy messages. He also added my phone number to a “call for phone sex” website. I hate talking about this, I don’t like anyone taking photos of me that could be suggestive at all and even if it happens accidentally I get so scared I can’t breathe. It makes me incredibly uncomfortable to dress in any form that is revealing and I’ve realized this is causing problems with my current SO, who is an amazing and understanding individual. I finally sat down with my SO and discussed what happened to me. He said he has known for awhile I’m having problems, and described some other times I’ve had flashbacks of sorts and didn’t even realize. He is a paramedic as well. I know I need to find someone to talk too, but good gracious I don’t even know where to begin. I’m so lost and keep randomly crying. I feel alone but I know all of you are here, so I guess that’s why I’m reaching out. What did you do when you realized something was wrong and finally asked for help? Anyone else have a similar experience? 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He’s dead now but a lot of repressed memories came up and put me in a psych ward recently. I inherited my childhood home when my folks died and going back there after my recent mental breakdown makes me sick. But worst of all, I don’t know if I was sexually abused. I’ve had friends ask me if I was and my response is always the same “I’m not really sure if it constitutes as sexual abuse.” Most mild of it was my dad used to hit my butt and call it a love tap, I told him not to do that and he’d say “you’ll understand when you are older” I told my dad I wanted to play football when I was 8. He told me I should try for the lingerie league instead. My mom used to go clothes shopping for me, and he would tell me to wear the opened back and low cut shirts because “that’s what the boys like” even though I didn’t want to One night he walked into my room completely naked and turned my light on, I woke up and he stood there for about five seconds completely nude, and then turned the light off. This is my most distinct memory. He was screaming at my while my door was closed and tried to barge in when I was 13/14, I told him not to come in because I was in my underwear and to just talk to me through the door and he said “I don’t give a shit” and barged in. Worst of all. My uncle told me a story about how when I was three, my dad called a piercing parlor as a “prank” and asked them if they could pierce my clit. Granted my dad had a dark sense of humor but I want to cry thinking about it. I don’t know how to feel, it’s just nice to get this all out. My dad said and did a lot of very not okay stuff. And I know if I saw this happening between another child and her dad I would immediately think “what the fuck is up with this guy.” But I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is valid since I’m not even sure if it’s sexual abuse. 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It is by Colin A Ross, pyschiatrist and author of many papers on DID and Trauma. PTSD and DID have some things in common. The video is here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FoI94Epkjrc",9.419666666666664,13.059084244444444,7.6774999999999975,60.05625000000003,62.111111111111114,10.722222222222225,29.027777777777786,10.686352973137794,4.069111111111112,241,8,31,7,4,72,38,45,0.114,0.83,0.055999999999999994,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,6,3,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,25,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4954318484374024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739741594729828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382654133310087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5053137348788622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871885034717677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Chaosatwhim,2018/11/01,"Any experience with I.V. Ketamine? My severe PTSD has been going on, full blast, for three years now. Have heard that Ketamine I.V. can basically stop PTSD. I’ve found a physician who administers it one hour at a time. For me, it is very expensive. Be willing to try but can’t afford ongoing treatments. Has anyone used this to treat PTSD? How did it work? And how many treatments did it take? Would you agree it “cured” your PTSD? Thanks!",2.056297117516628,4.896862634146345,2.4270288248337017,90.93936807095345,87.29268292682926,5.420842572062083,20.869179600886927,6.980632752743323,0.6193268292682923,344,11,67,5,11,105,66,82,0.039,0.8270000000000001,0.135,0.8886,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,12,1,0,3,0,9,18,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,5,1,4,2,7,10,1,9,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,41,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524603851048627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184980092066404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657750808448524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581611891536887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963142305526661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689472106229813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181691561109255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483788283356793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7924097562974594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19145390412068147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416852793757601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742104258778802,0.0,0.0,0.1560260560373908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881985759154073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505963181922865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463684642581681,0.0,0.1398312592566119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12337684976011268,0.0,0.0,0.12038728078192105,0.0,0.0,0.10913371758282528 ptsd,throwawaysilentcurt,2018/11/01,"is ptsd always about a singular (or several specific) events? can people develop ptsd from long-term bad things? like, for example, having a (mostly not-physically) abusive parent, or childhood neglect? or does it have to be an event? also, can it be an event that wasnt literally traumatic? like the death of a sibling, if you were not there when it happened?",4.420820512820517,6.977569876923081,5.699615384615388,73.49455128205129,73.30769230769229,9.256410256410255,30.833333333333336,9.725611199111238,3.59771794871795,282,13,46,8,6,94,52,65,0.20600000000000002,0.688,0.106,-0.8612,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,0,0,7,10,6,1,1,5,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,1,2,5,6,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,5,7,35,6,0,0.0,0.2998337293776696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20237132241342665,0.2105654970011518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21129383205925445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22145378017920805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22377938341615827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24726385051356206,0.0,0.0,0.22394939726452331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809922546310709,0.0,0.0,0.17543936153575673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5916252423784503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28588482544422184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812126432257046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,indigosummer78,2019/03/09,"Those of you who have faced early developmental trauma, did you get to parents or aim for parenrhood? I am just wondering. Well, in my case, I did not yet and probably will never do. ",3.5124761904761925,5.518538914285713,5.48,76.55333333333336,74.14285714285714,9.23809523809524,25.952380952380953,9.725611199111238,2.617380952380953,142,5,27,4,3,49,32,35,0.078,0.8640000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.1779,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,1,6,8,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,5,1,4,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280703316193784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33668094895413275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847179310126332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4706561103034813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924953453004852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734011190868203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mystery_inc_22,2019/03/09,"Does this sound like PTSD? I've always thought I had something along the lines of PTSD, however I used to associate PTSD with being in the military so I thought I didn't have it. &#x200B; I'll try to make this short. Ever since I was a kid I have always been incredibly withdrawn when around people. I was okay around immediate family and very close friends, but when around people I didn't have a deep connection with (which was pretty much everyone except for a select few) I would completely shut down. I remember my stomach would get extremely tight and simultaneously my brain felt like it was being shut off. I couldn't find words so I wouldn't talk. From ages 3-15 I went through school only talking if I was forced to (usually by teachers), which resulted in me never saying a word for 95% of the time. I would try to communicate with others by body language (nodding head, shrugging shoulders, etc), because I was unable to talk to them. Even when I wanted to, immense fear would wash over me and I would clam up even more. &#x200B; I hated this about myself but for the majority of my school years I couldn't change even though I desperately wanted to. When freshman year started and I was in a new school, I made it my mission to get over this and talk more. I was able to progress slightly for about a year and a half, but halfway through sophomore year I started becoming severely depressed (which lasted throughout the rest of highschool), and I reverted back into my old self. &#x200B; I was told that I was ""just shy as a kid,"" but I know it was something deeper than that. The thing is I don't know why I acted that way. It was probably something to do with my Dad but I never had a clear cause, and reading about PTSD I always thought it was a defining moment that made someone be diagnosed with it. &#x200B; Anyways do this sound like PTSD? &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",5.608531855955678,6.891195083102495,5.535228808864268,81.09695955678674,67.69806094182826,8.213673130193905,31.891523545706374,8.488131031819089,2.4638832354570632,1519,63,278,22,25,474,179,361,0.09300000000000001,0.85,0.057999999999999996,-0.9443,1,0,3,0,0,0,73.0,0,0,1,1,20,8,1,1,16,1,36,7,5,6,4,58,55,22,0,11,8,1,2,3,1,6,2,3,0,3,21,19,0,1,8,1,0,2,8,3,0,1,26,5,43,5,48,18,7,41,0,1,0,0,12,17,0,1,24,201,64,5,0.048524775430364285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112950119032552,0.4206125912429014,0.4717033075939077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959201394851727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037312557050317725,0.0,0.02958025271166803,0.0535918020648528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053900086375569034,0.0,0.0541696974870398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984831113155642,0.05133277824971695,0.0,0.05087730381625008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0417943179741228,0.049251625623321374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424643579818029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054117951549951734,0.0961504695710971,0.043893437472586526,0.0,0.04636750240727984,0.0,0.0,0.04574483968132802,0.0546038630497639,0.0,0.0,0.04659139411410965,0.0,0.04435076564292453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03749012112658954,0.0,0.05070438475223585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790816962219782,0.04980041898960435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05333589508803599,0.03955416849124939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112026258258054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918306315843922,0.03239066440082461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035671293273538414,0.0,0.07485059653882548,0.046865530487660526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05091858906833952,0.0,0.0,0.036905278324917634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06728193888877927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049367141584347206,0.052317915121562426,0.0,0.2836143287224431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04853790692374088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496911122296288,0.0,0.0,0.03858884906409906,0.0,0.1473289900489462,0.0,0.0,0.05062192363415769,0.05481918420812068,0.0,0.0401401956771906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04111488475329953,0.11207022849698307,0.0,0.0,0.06869217161052064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600950562040924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03223770462066479,0.0,0.047675345486591116,0.11556975426508735,0.028295186779352482,0.0,0.0,0.04636750240727984,0.0,0.06589027453460516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041909825977591485,0.05344318460791105,0.040038021655645316,0.05724233956481689,0.038516708094243415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449829529728696,0.043786062279902886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235304110954333,0.0,0.4717033075939077,0.12499345771959434 ptsd,ankaa_,2019/03/09,"Helping a SO with PTSD Hi everyone, My SO is currently in a really bad place after being robbed by a group of armed men. I'm not sure if this qualifies as the actual disorder, but even so, it's a similar situation. And since I've been lucky enough to not have dealt with anything that could scar me emotionally, I don't fully grasp what she is going through. I've read a lot of articles on dealing with the stress after traumatic events/helping your loved ones do so, but I admit I can't even begin to understand what it must feel like. Obviously all I want is to see her feeling better, so I'd like to ask for some advice... So far, what I've done is give her some space (she likes to stay in closed quarters for a while when things go downhill, to process everything and whatnot) while still making it abundantly clear that I am there for her should she need anything. I don't wanna push it or anything, she needs her space, so I don't wanna pressure her into trying to go out too soon or anything (it just happened last week). But I'm making myself as available as possible too. Does anybody with more experience in situations like this have any advice? Anything I could do, or any way to act to ease things up for her? Is what I'm doing wrong somehow? Really appreciate it!",5.241783596837948,5.754505596837947,6.154740612648222,79.09993700592888,68.1304347826087,9.487055335968382,30.04174901185771,9.516144504307137,2.58489743083004,1008,36,198,20,16,334,147,253,0.069,0.755,0.177,0.9823,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,1,18,12,0,2,8,0,22,2,1,2,5,44,43,22,0,10,10,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,1,16,9,0,0,5,1,0,5,6,4,0,2,2,3,22,8,35,36,6,30,0,0,1,1,20,12,0,9,15,141,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.10866633154379728,0.0,0.0,0.21762946360965385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145031816104731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4581780250203821,0.0,0.10410181145881203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929767007107474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848437102052901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781567333498655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148020252974284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762237715971245,0.0,0.09744743441072938,0.11395473717442205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525928869675154,0.0,0.11505939174484416,0.0,0.1470977390985234,0.0,0.0,0.10640439098499946,0.10007861522526937,0.10892647184068616,0.0,0.0,0.1126087792875616,0.07955197180055468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682177892120023,0.18985668899122926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847078144375224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14927770128994344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076911609905176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21760954214072156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466996459048932,0.10050215619410206,0.0,0.1486605376712347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513651341774616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545697065544865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634218296642898,0.0,0.0,0.1255359325566281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016793381389025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138504680589334,0.0,0.14267361681501867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873544816118617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211393440030533,0.25033517466717803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186895205731409,0.08892817703346055,0.0,0.12755667613724794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495068728019183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795851183813527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560267611684353,0.0,0.0,0.1159243911429986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568001254898949,0.08838834646550894,0.08932219405097895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174911612476552,0.0,0.0 ptsd,orbzorn,2019/03/09,Here we go again In NYC...dizzy...shortness of breath...dread,-0.3284848484848517,0.18387372727272755,-1.2872727272727251,110.82242424242426,129.9090909090909,1.4666666666666668,12.757575757575758,3.1291,-2.055569696969697,45,1,10,0,3,12,11,11,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Throwawayretailer,2019/03/09,"Not diagnosed with anything. Just made a connection with a childhood trauma and intense anxiety, and wondering if it could be the cause. Any input welcome! Hi there! I’ll get right to it. As a toddler I witnessed one of my parents die suddenly, and I saw the reaction of the other parent and the paramedics responding to the scene. This is my very first memory, after which I have absolutely no memories for a couple years. Nothing about having the event explained to me, staying with grandparents, the funeral. Nothing. I have that one memory then flash forward a few years to normalcy with no-one really talking about what happened. Growing up I was aware of this memory but didn’t view it as good or bad, it was just what happened. However I grew into a fairly anxious child/teen - often worrying about my family and in particular about health problems. Bit of a hypochondriac! Went to therapy as a teen for anxiety, and have just been referred again now in my twenties. At the appointment where I got referred, my doctor asked if anything traumatic had happened to someone close to me before. This question was asked to me 6 months previously at another appointment, and I said no. But this time I said, well I saw one of my parents pass suddenly, and she seemed to think this connected a lot of things. Looking back, I kind of agree - the first time I went to therapy, my anxiety attacks began exactly the day after I saw someone else collapse, just like what I saw as a child. I never drew a parallel until recently. I was also a clingy child, very clingy to my family and my friends, even to this day. I don’t really know what my point is here, I know nothing about trauma or how it can affect people but I feel like I’ve just discovered the root of most of my anxiety. Any input from others in a similar situation, or any advice in general, would be more than welcome! ",5.46693181818182,6.886743965909097,6.4949499999999984,73.57505,68.14772727272728,10.404727272727273,33.682272727272725,10.53366545652748,3.961505545454546,1484,69,255,42,25,495,181,352,0.138,0.784,0.078,-0.9686,5,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,0,2,21,13,1,0,24,0,19,3,0,5,2,53,44,25,2,5,14,3,1,2,1,1,3,2,0,2,20,15,0,0,10,0,0,6,6,5,1,5,18,9,34,8,49,22,5,42,0,0,6,0,18,13,0,11,26,193,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882753150019962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269360025820641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18544765516624087,0.09531775988477648,0.2781564604235816,0.10269240212935707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496077682687148,0.0,0.16996057028695954,0.10341315748996348,0.0,0.06989735743856969,0.07589864602140378,0.0,0.0,0.07735016584835537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992404900077066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933804996578695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257715505251136,0.10058037060149784,0.0,0.11724741666925648,0.0,0.0,0.09226273278407214,0.0943410207741988,0.0,0.0,0.0930411576475003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593622935061375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06003933859258302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138698941827807,0.0,0.0459623422465725,0.0649397849336362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464090828860355,0.0,0.0,0.07022998700589424,0.0,0.04749208825262771,0.0,0.0,0.0762435544805767,0.07270193707607481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411507052987885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662364971569112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465953792156664,0.09991376678492098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881940036354302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633405457617687,0.0,0.0,0.07728088947430044,0.0,0.08601284643944297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255641415857224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010855479174269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616662555363057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847908732568097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028048399872689,0.0,0.0,0.0630193975358888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593094902849034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698010427284265,0.0,0.0,0.1018300685148784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164671821699174,0.0,0.08975389878815783,0.0,0.0,0.0776290677454473,0.17293558022374692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827529741055508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217667793934833,0.0,0.0,0.15404046373833308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968885090519204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306288445642345,0.0,0.0,0.20790672692924064,0.0,0.060390671157458185,0.05824577322764464,0.0,0.0,0.10601035900275567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000590321504134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173103202596656,0.16853251511800446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985783971414794,0.0,0.09231450924828057,0.0,0.06457355417272674,0.0,0.0,0.11707469391507218 ptsd,Gruv_3,2019/03/09,"Does anyone have tips/skills that work for them to deal with body hate and body shame? I recently had an intense flashback of abuse from the bad incidences from when I was very young. This has caused the resurfacing of very debilitating body shame and disgust for me. I'm avoiding touching my own body, have been avoiding the shower, also honestly bowel movements have been really shameful and difficult for me just because I have them. I'm wondering if anyone has any tips/skills they use to get through daily tasks with this. Also any kind words or phrases they remember to repeat would be helpful too. This is my first time posting here. Please let me know if this should be posted in another sub!",6.329224806201553,7.842222697674423,5.7333333333333325,79.4866666666667,66.2093023255814,8.834108527131782,31.38759689922481,9.150863307647796,2.7492852713178286,564,22,98,10,9,172,87,129,0.215,0.701,0.084,-0.9684,2,2,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,4,2,6,11,2,5,4,0,16,5,5,2,0,19,23,9,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,9,0,1,4,1,12,2,14,14,1,10,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,4,6,65,17,1,0.0,0.16594999513611627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22401428978589574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904932695448907,0.14686671322321973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958685391713448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11694551668787695,0.08538020102666685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6223070850622606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438817601302407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439727439877412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256877776857332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913625518295415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317636203580692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382817514452616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09388028276912744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14585251716547748,0.07697414705922123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432223910392727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374548646345992,0.0,0.0,0.26828043425385584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972699455139878,0.0,0.13829385132341518,0.0,0.15866239589706074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167099716343064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096818109832864,0.0,0.2311308406314337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189074103801542,0.10196645282004264,0.0,0.0,0.09949568342724532,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SabrinaOfTheNight,2019/03/09,"Bleak Outlook: 30 y/o Female, Discouraged Regarding Several Areas Of Life Hey Everyone, &#x200B; As the title mentions, I am feeling rather down on myself right now, and am not expecting the greatest things for my future. As many, if not all of you know, trauma can have a devastating impact on one's ability to function in day-to-day life. Additionally, it can disrupt one's ability to set proper goals and look to their future with a healthy mentality. When a person is so caught up with the past, it is a challenge to have a proper relationship with the present. Until that person gets proper help, this trend bleeds into their future, and stops the person from living to their full potential. ""So, get help then"" you might say. I am. I have had 25 hours of specialized psychotherapy since the summer, and I plan on continuing for as long as I need to. I wouldn't be surprised if I needed another 5 years. I'd do it. It certainly beats the alternative. I am tired of being ruled by my trauma. The therapist I found is very good, but there is only so much that can be done in 1-hour sessions. The surface has been scratched, but I have a deep world of darkness beneath that requires very thorough attention. There are aspects of life which many others take for granted : work, school, socializing, romantic relationships, travel, you name it. I see little opportunity in any of those areas. With how high my trauma-based anxiety and avoidance are now, in addition to how poor my focus and energy reserves can be on hard days, the only chance I have at getting post-secondary education would be to find some way of doing it online from home with a self-paced setup. (Yes, I am 30 and only have my high-school diploma, that's life for some with mental health issues). I used to work full-time, and I have over a decade of work experience on my resume, but I honestly have no idea what I would be able to do now, I feel so shattered and discombobulated. My social circle is very small, as most of the people I used to spend my time with have moved to other cities or provinces of Canada. I can't picture making too many new friends because of how isolated I have become. Also romantic relationships feel so hopelessly far out of the question that I have given up on the idea. It's tricky enough to find love as a lesbian; especially as a femme lesbian, because everyone assumes I'm straight. When you top that off with being isolated on the outskirts of a small community, and being dominated by past trauma, it doesn't add up to much apart from the guarantee that I'll be able to roll as much as I want in my queen-size bed. To sum up, I want a life. I want to be free. I don't want my remaining youth to be wasted being afraid of the world. I know I have some good stuff going for me, but this is no way to live. &#x200B;",6.085328654188945,6.464210863970589,6.760414438502675,75.95508467023176,66.27941176470588,9.682174688057039,31.00690730837789,9.573946990214177,2.7521122549019603,2226,79,417,42,33,734,267,544,0.109,0.769,0.122,0.4798,0,1,0,0,0,1,85.0,0,4,3,10,18,18,0,2,28,1,55,11,0,6,2,74,81,39,0,13,10,0,5,0,1,4,8,1,2,3,24,23,0,4,13,1,3,4,8,7,0,2,6,8,47,12,85,59,11,69,0,2,2,3,24,39,0,10,23,292,71,8,0.14618112601216168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845049682906976,0.0,0.1583871889603478,0.17762606842635315,0.0497040892263374,0.07664182819546354,0.05591408064198337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911065761285625,0.08072278440632301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141209952252998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479702245667612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552208992433451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396823303591515,0.0,0.07149659559938892,0.0,0.0,0.11087035434470544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360690088072666,0.0,0.0,0.0801400297453248,0.05646958766951729,0.0,0.114560407406816,0.0,0.0415390513290412,0.12260979298245342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547478800378559,0.0,0.0,0.0776918506066506,0.0,0.0,0.0979821274000628,0.15444838553259216,0.07331579413534013,0.0,0.14395896317651494,0.0,0.0,0.16502069803991815,0.0,0.07628755825391728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033732388956974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25813013097971066,0.0,0.07325594571196037,0.12908061243111849,0.06468284823449685,0.06137766459642606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06596708675909199,0.0,0.04878851836408216,0.22230707661202875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731619285248604,0.07753753694355674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768370135343425,0.16118992115230732,0.10839145268369582,0.0,0.07059132120739911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905611418311744,0.16676600025910251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395464255177921,0.05067179342827391,0.1914595811474112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07000055526209455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187815812796988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354157338667601,0.0,0.062418941447141676,0.0,0.058124549342824273,0.0,0.14794310376215886,0.05824371564875337,0.0,0.07624939767482483,0.08257153179524805,0.0,0.0604612690156676,0.0,0.0,0.1490132489461154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061106983451848,0.0,0.0,0.08367120787797183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0549550071477735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486377710471138,0.04855812231690804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04261969506758338,0.08400685011931794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625355806478328,0.0,0.18092210742903814,0.17244283108870076,0.11603177365711255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963240111849264,0.0,0.0,0.10384287777763876,0.0,0.17762606842635315,0.04706792620767687 ptsd,Goat_Spit,2019/03/09,Waking up in the morning is getting harder and harder I keep waking up every morning in full on fight-or-flight mode. I am just getting worse. My head hurts everyday from just thinking about something that happened to me 3 years ago. I cant take this. I dont want to live like this.,2.6968421052631544,4.6074481578947415,3.5542456140350893,89.88505263157896,76.19298245614034,5.261754385964913,25.43508771929825,5.6839178017228535,0.6666940350877186,223,8,44,1,5,71,44,57,0.138,0.816,0.046,-0.6023,0,0,1,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,4,3,3,0,0,6,11,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,9,11,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,4,27,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25461824498337915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366395922092367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24200953752203486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001389254293302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540027059170176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947880013633566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307493119534895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255309418648328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032947572544507,0.0,0.25363550889308395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22112905434160213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596645602509285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840498536761905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16941980826704914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927190140304024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849711926738308 ptsd,ReginaAmazonum,2019/03/09,"Rapist's Prison Early Release - Giving another statement? Hey all, First time posting here, and looking to hear about some similar stories or people who KNOW of online resources - I'm not looking for legal advice. So I was a witness (not plaintiff) in a case against my rapist which put him in jail a few years ago. I decided not to join the lawsuit. Now he's trying to get out early and get off the sex offender registry. I don't see him getting off the list, but I would imagine based on the circumstances that him getting out early is plausible. The judge wants to speak to the witnesses and plaintiffs again....about giving another statement or something. I have phone call next week to find out more information (what I'd be asked to say, why, when, etc.) But it's next week and my anxiety's freaking out. I'm having trouble finding information online....**are there any resources that you know of to find out this process?** **And...** Do you think they just want me to speak to find out if I'd feel ""safe"" if he was released, or what? It wouldn't be like fully testifying again, would it? I haven't really heard of this happening before, so any advice you have or ideas on what this is all about would be wonderful. Thank you!",3.0404180602006647,5.488892893162394,3.707740616871053,86.60078595317727,77.33333333333333,6.63366778149387,26.4132292827945,7.7425588080867325,1.6293688591601647,963,38,182,15,23,304,132,234,0.094,0.8440000000000001,0.062,-0.6753,0,0,1,0,0,0,50.0,0,4,1,1,10,8,3,0,9,0,17,3,0,0,2,49,40,16,0,8,12,0,1,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,13,11,0,1,16,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,3,9,17,3,29,30,6,28,0,0,3,3,24,12,0,8,15,116,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23790601743738846,0.10790617465657942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556095592803666,0.25528874057689505,0.09312300843869864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113800985222321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358314361725997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429979557638017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357609698808383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155027394829564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44503554079157054,0.1035433553159119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543953070663063,0.2335487445238789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764531170857232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13719839740267134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741819305343886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379909326262854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947105997091669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044448451100511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589221706735325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843921565524602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658355504625878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237212964138368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798326432199007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680446922851133,0.0,0.0,0.09700293667687553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371359213078688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120724986346554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077999577986241,0.0,0.0,0.07098165932202202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264658325321145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359884871833728,0.0,0.19528869945250696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984226328107774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201083871861222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594201962875049,0.0,0.0,0.07839003769899168 ptsd,chandlermk,2019/03/09,"Anyone else afraid of what you might be repressing? i dont even want to add more detail to this, just yeah ",2.0536363636363646,3.9597834545454553,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,78.0909090909091,6.218181818181819,15.545454545454547,7.1686216300943375,-0.3907999999999992,84,1,19,1,2,26,21,22,0.17300000000000001,0.732,0.095,-0.2076,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,13,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976173740033692,0.4361184642465208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4988468921988576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35556759038077584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811311956622419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4515367605568358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510534909940545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,matthew6978,2019/03/09,"Constant break ups My ex of 2 years broke up with me over 30 times in 2 years. I just watched a YouTube video and the lady said that this was mental abuse and could cause PTSD. Apart from the break ups there was gaslighting, occasional verbal abuse, constant miss trust and I felt like I was walking on egg shells. We broke up 4 months ago after she told me she didn't love me. I went no contact but she tried hoovering me back in using various tactics such as apologising then blaming then guilt trips then a major family problem. I've stayed no contact but I feel like shit. I can't sleep, I feel empty and confused. I feel upset all the time and still miss her which I can't understand. I keep thinking it was all my fault. Any advice please? 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Nothing too bad but we were at the doctors for about 4 hours. By the time we left, it was rush hour. My boyfriend is a horrible backseat driver, constantly yelling to stop & pay attention for no reason. I usually don’t drive around him because of this but I had to since he couldn’t drive himself. That combined with rush hour & I was stressed. I have ptsd from abuse as a kid/teenager so yelling is a big no no for me. We’ve been dating for a year & a half now & he knows this. So I was feeling pretty shitty, & we were trying to figure out dinner. He called his parents & was frustrated with how the whole thing with his work was playing out. He rose his voice on the phone which caused me to tense up. He said “I wasn’t yelling at you, calm down please” in a bit of a nasty voice. I had a long drive to my house, was tired, & beginning to go into panic territory, so when my boyfriend’s parents wanted to order pizza I asked them not to get my anything. Boyfriend gets pissed and raises his voice over the phone saying all this shit like ‘snail changed her mind for who knows what reason, she hasn’t eaten today so I don’t know why she won’t let us feed her.’ Which, or course, sends me through the roof. I start crying a bit & my boyfriend hangs up the phone. He then angrily says “please just take me home.” I turn towards his house & he says “you know my parents only agreed to pizza because they wanted to eat with you, right?” And I said no I didn’t know that. Boyfriend says “come on you should know by now.” And I once again tell him no, you didn’t tell me this, sorry. My dog is home alone & I need to go to him before the storm starts. He says “whatever. Take me home.” So we sit in silence until we get home. I tell him I’ll be inside in a minute because my things are inside. I sit, cry in my car for a few minutes before he texts ‘still no to pizza?’ In which ask him to come outside. He says they need to know if I’m staying, and feeling bad, I say yes. He says that he knows I don’t want to but I agree. Me lying gets him more upset and I finally say I want to go home. He is clearly not happy with that but says I can go. I head inside to get my stuff only to get roped into staying for dinner by his parents. I lie on the bed for a long time and don’t say anything. I pretty much shut down the rest of the night. Thankfully after we ate I left without much of a word and cried the entire way home. I feel so shitty about this whole thing. I can’t even have a normal argument with someone without freaking out. I don’t know what to do tomorrow. Me & my boyfriend haven’t really spoken since I left. I don’t want to lose him but I’m so scared and anxious right now. I can’t do it. 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My medical doctor said I would be about to get medical marijuana, but it’s not legal yet in my state. But CBD is. Please share with me your brands, dosage you use. I’ve been very sensitive to CBD that I have tried in these stores that pop up in every plaza. I will sample their CBD, and within 5 minutes, I will get a headache like it’s a hangover headache. And if will stay with me the rest of the day 😢 Backstory - my PTSD is from my ex husband who verbally, sexually, physically, and verbally abused me. I received a 2 year domestic violence injunction against him, but it took me SEVERAL attempts before I actually got away from him. We share 2 kids, and I need to get something to calm the hell down. I do have Xanax, but I need something else. Thank you in advance. 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NSFW Abuse(?) So I got diagnosed with ptsd in seventh grade, (more in that in my last post) anyway, my mom heard the diagnosis and the reasons for it, but instead of helping me through it, she threatened to send me back to my abuser, told me only vets can get ptsd, wouldn't let me continue my antidepressants, and after I finished my few months with my therapist from the hospital, wouldn't let me go to therapy. Had anyone else has problems like this with their parents/guardians? 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I've been dating a woman for the last year in a long distance relationship. She was up front with me that she wanted things to move very slow, and I'm absolutely okay with moving at her pace. Early on she was open with me that she has PTSD and she has not shared anything more than that other than traumatic events occurred in her past. While we were dating there were many times she would flake on plans, ignore phonecalls, etc. due to serious anxiety flare-ups and just shut down completely. There are so many moving parts to this but I will try my best to get to the point. Initially we had planned many times to meet up and they never saw fruition. When we first started dating she thought she was ready but that was not the case and she wants time to heal before considering meeting me and continuing this. Which I fully support. After the fact, I could tell she wanted this earlier on. I gather that she has been afraid to say anything in fear that I would leave her (she had told me this is fear she had from the start). Is there anything I can do from a distance to help her? Is there anything I should avoid? She has not opened up to me about her trauma, and I dont want to ask that of her. We are still talking as friends. But should I reassure her in any way that I'm here if she wants to talk about anything? Are there any books I can read that would help me to better understand from her perspective? Are there any books that have helped you in the past with healing? And if space is the best thing I can do, I'm fine with that too. I just want to be the best man I can for her. It breaks my heart that she is going through so much pain and I feel like our relationship triggered it.",2.8658256157635487,4.544700820000003,3.1420394088669963,94.03185714285715,75.08571428571429,6.427586206896553,21.783251231527096,7.0983637204850245,0.3459881773399016,1357,34,303,14,29,416,169,350,0.083,0.773,0.14400000000000002,0.9838,0,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,5,1,1,8,17,20,0,4,12,1,42,4,1,2,2,51,62,20,0,14,10,0,1,1,1,6,3,1,0,2,22,20,0,2,3,3,0,5,5,8,0,1,14,3,56,12,45,40,8,50,0,0,1,0,52,18,0,2,25,220,78,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489924238652094,0.0,0.06558367393401385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35274489318670754,0.0,0.08014653771740332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295042578576556,0.0,0.3598758999138465,0.0758217484015109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988690244375412,0.0,0.0,0.06844890770861617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047562408212388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561228026145158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19294151784193328,0.04334796700464782,0.06124595738595344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292240410749562,0.0,0.0,0.06623524848095333,0.0,0.04479069981926885,0.0,0.04872267533710569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159117314007016,0.2298536547855428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988188087280603,0.0,0.09077632630966898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188364047764101,0.0,0.0,0.0758688827398749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26075211571662466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733541791828461,0.06302185489430318,0.0,0.06612072342946435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122340228502596,0.0,0.0,0.09283788483219993,0.16367911561339749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104312707089786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021448302212344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575379938047754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408516008352768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817641366706136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136111910537913,0.0,0.06846456747366095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728606831673127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781401686149353,0.07493232265955059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391120176941155,0.0,0.0,0.06806051977251577,0.14997060592179692,0.0,0.0,0.08191926169076008,0.0,0.0582054495308431,0.0,0.0,0.08924857749267236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073672299144965,0.3033967725981306,0.1360979188451418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827016743817663,0.0,0.0,0.05520769526588084 ptsd,WittyAverage,2019/02/18,"my best friend has ptsd im not gonna go into detail about my best friend, i just want advice on how to help her bc i wasnt even famillar with PTSD until she was diagnosed and i want to help her as best as i can. every response is appreciated",2.07990566037736,3.0449048679245294,4.271839622641512,88.03530660377363,75.79245283018868,6.809433962264151,20.797169811320764,7.1686216300943375,0.33473962264150936,190,4,44,2,4,66,38,53,0.0,0.5429999999999999,0.457,0.9823,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,8,9,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,9,5,9,6,3,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322857201880014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6225456409200583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070124437014594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060495395137695,0.0,0.16660390299521732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055458115937251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123798107526875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650809920318643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359239459191284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622933596640079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332635448255572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gloomymagpie,2019/02/18,"How do you stop being so afraid? I’m so afraid of living my life. I’m afraid to be happy. I’m afraid something bad is lurking around every corner. How does it get better?",-0.4291666666666672,1.8126344166666684,1.6402222222222242,96.12700000000002,93.72222222222223,2.8800000000000003,12.755555555555556,3.1291,-1.4939377777777774,133,2,28,0,5,44,27,36,0.179,0.664,0.157,0.1926,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,5,7,0,4,0,0,4,1,0,2,0,4,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203125075368886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004313137006652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182279940942358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148773887756454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30316048180946803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798899864565694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830308013643087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541486676325888,0.0,0.0,0.31772410239417104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770039203523887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008222706971493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jennyjuggs,2019/02/18,"My ptsd is apparently ruining my bf’s life I got in a car crash 10 years ago that triggered ptsd. It wasn’t the worst car crash but the what if’s were enough to send me into a tailspin of anxiety. I was with my family including my 2 year old and my 2 week old baby. We were t-boned and flipped the car. I was the only one that was a bit hurt but it could have been a lot worse. So fast forward to now, I can’t be in a car for an extended amount of time. When I get in my whole body locks up and braces for impact. My mind races and shows me all these scenarios of what could happen and how I could die in a crash. My bf doesn’t care to understand. Or maybe I should just say he doesn’t care. He says my ptsd holds him back from experiencing life and traveling/taking road trips. He knew when we met what he was in for. Nothing has changed. He says he’s just grown tired of it. So now he’s given me an ultimatum, either “get over” my ptsd or move out. He’s giving me 30 days to get out with our son. How can’t someone be so cold to someone who has a genuine mental disorder?",1.1062820512820508,2.501122833333333,3.0422307692307733,94.09026923076927,79.21367521367522,6.731282051282051,20.247008547008548,7.554174236665415,0.31735111111111136,829,20,205,12,20,279,129,234,0.146,0.805,0.049,-0.9688,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,3,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,13,0,22,4,1,3,1,34,34,18,1,5,8,1,0,0,2,1,3,3,0,0,10,13,0,1,2,1,0,9,5,3,0,1,12,5,25,2,25,16,8,34,0,2,0,0,22,12,0,4,15,125,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093842582042373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710984250326348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755860336439518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431598304570778,0.12648332511494012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321950529977818,0.0,0.12045881402065807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727465486006685,0.0,0.0,0.07343639608025128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817854525072688,0.0,0.13050429223205987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765761474197282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734601405697916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847631458370794,0.10923398359548483,0.0,0.0,0.09107182739865123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069440739042644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189963621220372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085876614132066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968077620827778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11439720035563015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475365605783525,0.0,0.11497571687051746,0.0,0.0,0.12102523930058445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926083961750936,0.0,0.2389737341290793,0.0,0.07716090836516137,0.0866028726615121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5324293263220591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716607488145755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929624861481487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663982110096018,0.13087621935420718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854214719427175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133923042860817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713121079281167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604273089646057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665642685457636 ptsd,coleebear09,2019/02/18,"Overcoming Dissociation This is probably more of a rant, but do you guys ever feel like you’ve completely destroyed your life because you can’t handle stress? Almost every time anything stressful happens, especially important things like problems dealing with my SO or my daughter, I freeze, dissociate, and ultimately end up making things worse. I’m slowly working on overcoming this, but any of you have good skills or insight that can help out? It’s almost harder now knowing I have PTSD and can feel the dissociation but don’t know how to help myself out of it. ",10.12148514851485,9.513998574257425,9.579089108910892,62.36368316831687,58.30693069306931,12.04039603960396,40.9920792079208,11.20814326018867,4.816301386138613,460,21,71,10,5,148,75,101,0.184,0.644,0.172,-0.5266,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,0,2,4,7,1,2,2,0,8,1,0,2,1,21,15,9,0,1,5,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,9,3,9,15,1,8,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,4,6,47,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581566288060512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216145400249927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716670242491364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901670069401144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875060316866933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843719533905241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839552020650513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617673040870528,0.1506769532798043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084960219456334,0.12776039794538974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999906253406892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17707565095982514,0.15814398987857106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397398592330457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656706004969532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631708028181435,0.1747403682859989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937434749744395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281534033319092,0.17112179762507934,0.20904958918536595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097118232278028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376212421137752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428064757503136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019466028711674,0.0,0.18224905370580072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,woolsockz,2019/02/18,"Resources for people in relationships with those suffering from PTSD I am in a relationship with a young man with PTSD & what I believe to be complex trauma. He's a trans man who was sexually abused and raped as a child by his neighbor... this neighbor was an adult when my partner was a young elementary-aged girl (pre transition). The neighbor did heinous things to my partner which included creating child pornography of my beloved boyfriend. Typing out this sentence makes my eyes well up with tears. The past two days I have woken up to him having body-thrashing nightmares where he's sleep talking, over and over repeating ""please, no... please, no... God, please, no...."". He told me these nightmares are all of real life events. My heart breaks for him when I witness them, and I do my best to gently wake him up so he can escape this relived nightmare. &#x200B; I am in a desperate search for resources for people in relationships with those suffering from PTSD (specifically sexual trauma, if possible). Books, podcasts, advice... Thankfully, he is heavily involved with therapy, is medicated, is in some 12-Step Programs to better take care of himself. But I want to be able to support him and, of course, myself during these bad periods. I want to be an anchor for him... someone safe. I already believe I am, and he's expressed it. But I don't want to find myself weak or anxious when he's already in that space, himself, and in need of some external fortitude and protection. Thank you so much.",6.334144736842108,7.856785595588239,6.218157894736841,75.97947368421055,66.20588235294117,9.402786377708976,35.27167182662538,9.682069395223575,3.586614705882353,1190,57,202,25,19,374,158,272,0.109,0.736,0.155,0.8146,0,0,0,0,1,0,65.0,0,1,1,2,7,15,1,0,10,0,19,8,4,1,1,30,31,17,0,5,4,0,0,0,5,0,3,0,3,8,13,14,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,7,1,1,6,1,30,8,42,22,5,26,0,2,1,1,36,15,0,4,10,141,43,3,0.10805968713090568,0.1280330591993204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055946756285004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384931036465934,0.0,0.0,0.23416525171895175,0.13130434758621087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207668849084945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902253250981594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434925266530004,0.11340197489098472,0.09557001188995567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017405283058143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968955864456251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876459637135444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280512495372314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632575272516813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213068025710173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885876632871958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943630354817291,0.08012488878824264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315519857491252,0.149829962146156,0.0,0.0,0.3558512602641313,0.0,0.12182106097375345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789479747915934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299558123118373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480469913088265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813772654462027,0.0,0.09155862223907746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262485239092395,0.0,0.0,0.08124743652844811,0.08685428328762351,0.0,0.19897368326661186,0.12357566972930592,0.0,0.07179005454907753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325566184973813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555861264024233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912092095992851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715863617740096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130434758621087,0.0 ptsd,Limerence-Undead,2019/02/18,"I don't know what to do. Sexual assault trigger warning!! :( When I was 16, I was raped repeatedly by an older boy in my life. I have proof. I'm scared to report him bc I sent him scantly clad pictures while underage and that could be used against me. ",0.036974789915966255,2.3893976274509825,2.2906442577030823,91.61647058823529,92.33333333333334,5.267226890756303,22.97198879551821,6.868970318607317,0.887092997198879,193,8,41,3,7,65,42,51,0.301,0.6990000000000001,0.0,-0.953,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,0,7,2,0,2,1,6,11,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,9,0,5,6,0,6,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,4,27,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4472602398013232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30786171805263496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956735512564558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5608405275264645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838179243997525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rollingwththehomies,2019/02/18,"I have come a long way, but I am not being able to cope. I have been learning to cope with something that has effected me for years. But recently, I can’t cope with an event that I can’t come to terms with. This week I realized the person that was very toxic in my life Birthday was this past week. I don’t know if this normal because my head has been hurting extremely often. Mostly behind my eyes to the point my eyes feel like they are in pain. I am trying to keep my anxiety down. And actually enjoy my first day off in ten days. I am very sorry I am all over the place. ",1.9808264462809928,3.4268054710743816,3.659578512396696,90.3766404958678,76.93388429752066,6.823471074380167,21.19090909090909,7.554174236665415,0.5842357024793383,446,11,100,6,10,149,76,121,0.099,0.838,0.063,-0.5251,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,5,0,17,5,3,1,1,20,22,4,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,4,3,18,2,16,17,3,22,0,1,2,0,2,8,0,3,12,72,24,1,0.18500449232466248,0.0,0.18053769729001415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152793024880328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127770213714986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31872997744085685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386251850192456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354383008237414,0.1321672462823843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736472666176918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898679829224315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980511353874728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644404932211136,0.0,0.0,0.1016736306961769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306741441617489,0.09038385001196506,0.0,0.0,0.16372315395546627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126512230515568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19685782361999984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766077216185392,0.0,0.16153878674196948,0.19329031828029464,0.0,0.17488904398334235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266961706234935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14242549669324403,0.0,0.2070973826165848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256059062746264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052961628113565,0.0,0.14684795475702062,0.2967988888877885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913682744654028 ptsd,girlishcreature,2019/02/18,"i just realized how much better i cope with ptsd! hello, kinda new to reddit and im on my phone so sorry for formatting issues. i dont know how long ive had ptsd, i was diagnosed at 16/17. i used to purposefully trigger myself all the time, used to have really bad nightmares, and basically every textbook ptsd symptom. im 20 years old now, and im not completly cured obviously. but i dont trigger myself nearly as much, and have nightmares maybe once a month. i just feel kinda proud of the work ive put in to helping myself, especially with my currently untreated depression. ",4.094811507936505,5.918536080357146,6.015119047619049,74.1021031746032,72.125,9.263492063492064,28.515873015873016,9.725611199111238,2.998478968253969,459,18,81,12,9,159,75,112,0.084,0.838,0.078,-0.1652,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,6,2,23,12,9,0,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,1,14,2,13,10,3,13,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,8,51,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665240324017034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356255355717655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648376529752707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033241948124243,0.14180318191358174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274792508369742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771209310677158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07064180934265801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364498026131456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527338325289408,0.1458214283856709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767812182641053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12363936580869099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14035794126771864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151556089287444,0.0,0.20540653532317565,0.0,0.0,0.1349332384690143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466026320362041,0.14878708642987373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.489942174376678,0.14044760642728266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950210188795871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639442820848176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521266815712955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146629613483028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413299704062108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171088305231683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996895939322269 ptsd,meowactually,2019/02/18,Sex life question How do those of you with PTSD from sexual trauma handle having a sex life? Is it impacted by your trauma? Have you found a way to have a healthy one? Are there certain measures you have to take? ,2.5478571428571435,4.7607673571428615,3.395476190476192,89.42035714285717,77.80952380952381,6.104761904761905,22.404761904761905,7.1686216300943375,0.7767904761904759,167,5,33,2,4,53,32,42,0.142,0.755,0.10400000000000001,-0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,4,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,7,4,0,1,1,5,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,1,6,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010703913517069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5167372808854718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478691024164485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275895074714726,0.0,0.4097690633245313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750289249147575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29034746441809045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DeafMakeupLover,2019/02/18,"Tactile flashbacks? Due to my trauma I get tactile flashbacks. Mostly when I’m in the dark in bed. This leads to severe scratching that’s been commented on by my gynecologist. I have a steroid cream that I apply now, but I was wondering if anyone can help me with other advice to stop scratching. It ends up making it hard to walk sometimes Thanks ",3.9090909090909065,6.276088393939396,4.612121212121213,81.58818181818184,74.15151515151516,6.218181818181819,27.66666666666667,7.1686216300943375,1.6272303030303037,278,11,48,3,6,89,52,66,0.11800000000000001,0.774,0.10800000000000001,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,8,9,3,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,4,7,1,10,7,1,11,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,3,5,34,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322597202594506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308331317794875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923953680238627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247822332690474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957297908560016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22127779964687586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203629636975687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729506054613961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32650497439791765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27600174031890456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039374534259641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580096690407301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bluewhale3030,2019/02/18,"Traumatic experience (potential trigger warning) \[Trigger warning: confrontation, potential abuse, self-harm\] &#x200B; Hello, people of this subreddit. First, I want to thank you for sharing your stories and for creating a supportive community where PTSD can be discussed. I have been kind of lurking here for the past few months, trying to work up the courage to put myself out there. This is my story of what happened to me (I wrote this out several weeks after the event, as a means of trying to come to terms with it and get my feelings out, so I'm sorry if it is a bit of a rant): A couple of months ago, I was put in a situation where I was essentially ambushed by people who I thought were my friends. It started with a get-together, which I expected to be a conversation about how everyone was doing. Then, suddenly, it became a confrontation with a particular individual. One of the sharpest memories I have is of her laughter, laughing at me. That laughter had teeth. It said she didn't care about me, that I was nothing, and that's when I knew that this was an ambush. She was like a cat who just wanted to torment her prey. I told her how I felt, this person, who had treated me horribly for months (purposefully ignoring me, belittling me, laughing at me, and hurting my relationships with others) for reasons unknown to me, who had made my anxiety and depression worse than it had been in a long time. It was obvious that she wasn't listening. She smirked, she rolled her eyes, she laughed. She was waiting to pounce. I was told to ""listen to her point of view because she had listened to me."" That was a lie. She didn't listen, and she had no intention to. I don't remember a lot of our ""conversation."" The explanation given by this person for their actions had to do with one or more interactions we had more than a year ago, which were *never* addressed with me; in fact I had no idea that there was any issue. At this point I had spent months agonizing over the decline of our friendship, staying awake at night wondering what I had done to deserve being made an outcast. I was told that was a terrible friend (by this person and others present, all speaking from their side) and essentially that I was wrong to think otherwise. When I came back in (I had left to try to compose myself), intending to apologize, again, for unintentionally hurting this person. However, when I re-entered the room, the five people still remaining cornered me and began to tell me that I was a terrible friend and person, and that I was wrong and twisted and bigoted. I was already visibly distressed at the end of the first confrontation, and this second wave was so unexpected that I felt like I couldn't move. At some point in this ""conversation"" it got to the point where the people involved were laughing and cheering each other on, all making a constant stream of words that tore me apart, made me feel like every piece of who I am was being twisted and ripped from me. I was literally against a wall, cornered, as the people I thought were my friends ripped away at me. The only thing anchoring me, preventing me from internally combusting was my boyfriend and best friend, also completely shocked, who was there right next to me. I felt like I had knives being driven into my body, and twisted. I felt so much pain, and I knew that it didn't matter anything I said or did, because they wouldn't listen. At one point, I started scratching the skin on my hand with my nails. I couldn't block out what they were saying, but I thought maybe I could let out some of the pain I was feeling. Maybe if I physically hurt myself they would stop. They didn't stop. Eventually some other people came back into the room and there was a break in the barrage of awful things. One of the people involved wanted to go get something to eat and come back later, in an hour, to continue. The idea of continuing this made me feel like I might die. I managed to find the words to say ""No"" and tell my boyfriend that I needed to go. When we walked out, I said ""nice talking to you guys."" It was an automatic response, and of course it was a lie. I barely made it ten feet outside before I started hyperventilating and bawling. We walked back to my room and I collapsed on my bed. If my boyfriend hadn't been there to hold me, I think I might have split into tiny pieces. In the weeks and months since this event, I have had persistent nightmares and times when I relive parts of what happened over and over again in my head. Sometimes thoughts or memories will pop out of nowhere and I find myself feeling awful all over again. My memory of what happened, and the order of things, is mixed up. Sometimes, especially in the first couple weeks after it happened, something that reminds me of it, either the people involved, the things said, etc. suddenly makes me feel unsafe. Often when this happens, I start to feel kind of fuzzy and stare off into space/not be all the way ""there"". I'm sorry for the long post. I don't know if I even have the right to be here in this sub. I'm just scared and sad and have lost my sense of self. I lost a big part of my support system at once, friends-wise, and I feel very alone in a lot of ways. I don't know if what I'm going through is normal, or even PTSD, but I know that what happened changed my whole ""me"" in ways I have never experienced before. In any case, thanks for reading, and I appreciate any support anyone might be able to offer.",6.212961798435483,6.570680883253588,6.3714878104351795,78.92597022860183,66.00478468899522,9.31434647224121,32.56816283132073,9.150863307647796,2.7013537631958693,4293,167,820,70,63,1372,395,1045,0.099,0.8270000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9762,1,1,2,0,1,2,161.0,5,3,6,9,38,48,3,2,56,2,93,10,7,14,8,158,179,61,1,16,14,0,15,5,5,6,2,12,5,7,69,61,1,7,31,1,1,14,17,20,0,10,88,31,138,28,140,73,24,146,0,7,3,0,79,65,0,19,64,616,207,3,0.04465085022073144,0.0529039561505066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916056928507667,0.0,0.0,0.04624481483681867,0.04927332353230445,0.03570726878961107,0.0,0.048379177559234335,0.054255670297290295,0.09109232787898036,0.0,0.03415777820410811,0.0,0.0,0.031220912658313917,0.0,0.036743845232660464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04195094359848612,0.13733499074897018,0.0,0.054437487720699326,0.0,0.07598916969465741,0.0,0.04685831256811328,0.0,0.04874716397222123,0.049597028781591064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213735506058597,0.04552451762320788,0.0,0.047234679042077225,0.07692550761737173,0.04681556693846148,0.04825170658346257,0.0,0.035650070628504095,0.09881063299299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03845771186758424,0.0,0.046340533069007116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045693322219886014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0456889668727861,0.0,0.0,0.03954740022107947,0.0,0.04979750091532889,0.058982930917190673,0.0,0.03762026708634522,0.04266580085605795,0.0,0.043677099342290304,0.0,0.0,0.1806144918363084,0.06379715263870453,0.17148727360105664,0.0,0.08162013636678538,0.11393997116357027,0.0,0.0,0.17248568059657088,0.0,0.06998467903335412,0.0,0.07612832147906642,0.0,0.03571136385431304,0.0,0.0,0.044211361715195664,0.23690759633097264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04582465409707101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043972093238573,0.0,0.1433989759564286,0.1008107499580749,0.0,0.04660388697536225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299397889387624,0.07361681868210126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851327941144922,0.04565851953835567,0.0,0.1090707500814378,0.0,0.0,0.07902919473006495,0.0,0.0,0.0974833551076542,0.07592111225630348,0.0,0.21124857045624268,0.059609578483744874,0.0,0.08971556105780218,0.04863786573565949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421024879065365,0.0,0.0,0.1781994132611423,0.047456787457440266,0.03282351250491075,0.033108039669803566,0.06887497665566022,0.0,0.047486685762599394,0.0419017982006101,0.04374835294316326,0.04284369502688165,0.0,0.0,0.04755169823897201,0.12102628673061605,0.033958983637236234,0.09502330550774443,0.0,0.0,0.09670503919092467,0.0426242888847019,0.2476422198136269,0.19493700074581466,0.0,0.0,0.21104742944412666,0.0,0.0427631718764539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438890896393398,0.0897728742388375,0.0,0.0,0.04466293337492911,0.0,0.0,0.045908510615514805,0.0,0.04793830302284837,0.0505807091370359,0.07626316424080784,0.16989273400692725,0.07101629649885283,0.04470329047475237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931611495376316,0.05044275139020683,0.0,0.03693564471174377,0.050189426445390005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06874881188618101,0.08832166517517445,0.09996594240631784,0.12641640641159424,0.04759186535063696,0.03565822666413068,0.07466022023451048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200776708191518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03588866206327829,0.0780536223176159,0.08221700770465927,0.0,0.0,0.11865616338962034,0.057220923798266564,0.0,0.14179115010756926,0.05207253967266855,0.0,0.0,0.12799740256817385,0.0,0.09094498902327357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03684162764742959,0.07900868497147727,0.10632529973763877,0.1074486562479126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04985107969765746,0.0,0.0,0.04842194238663343,0.032506350749752014,0.0,0.04550303100377901,0.03171868290132966,0.09763739061694597,0.054255670297290295,0.02875368360652213 ptsd,heirloomapplecandle,2019/02/18,"My girlfriend is a CSA survivor and doesn't want to talk about it (NSFW, no abuse details) Before I start, I know I can't make her talk about it, nor would I want to. I'm not a csa survivor but I have been traumatized in other ways and I know she has to make the decision to talk about it on her own because that's how it has been for me too. And because this will become necessary to mention later, we are lesbians. She told me about a month ago and hasn't brought it up since. She said she had never told anyone before me, aside from calling the RAINN hotline a few times. Before we were together she was with her previous partner for 9 years and I don't think she ever told her since she said I was the first person. She has a higher libido than I do and can have as many orgasms as she wants basically, while I max out at two a day at the very most. Sometimes we will be having sex and I just know I'm not going to be able to orgasm, so I'll stop her. Every time this has happened she gets very mad at me, turns away, and won't speak to me for a few hours and sometimes days. I think it was the second or third time this happened I begged her to talk to me about what was happening and why she was getting to angry at me over something I couldn't control and she said it was because her whole life everyone has only wanted her for sex, and when I don't have an orgasm she feels that I don't find her desirable. No matter what I said I couldn't make her believe that we are just physically different when it comes to sex and I literally just get sensitive faster than she does, she couldn't believe anything other than it was that I don't desire her. The last time this happened she was angry at me for two or three days and it was unbearable, she said we should have just stayed friends because we were sexually incompatible (me not being able to have an orgasm doesn't happen frequently). After things went back to normal I asked her if she really meant that and she said no and hugged me and apologized. Even so, I started doing everything I could think of to make sure I had an orgasm when we had sex. Today however, I just couldn't. As with the other times, she went to the bedroom and turned away from me. I asked if she was mad at me and she said no, I asked her to talk about it and she wouldn't. I started crying and it hit me that this almost definitely has something to do with her being a csa survivor so I asked her ""does this have anything to do with what you told me that night?"" and she shrugged. I told her that I knew she didn't want to talk about it but that it was hurting her to not (paternalistic I know, I shouldn't have said that). I don't even know what I'm looking for in posting this. I thought about calling the RAINN hotline myself or an lgbt hotline because everything I can find for partners of csa survivors assumes you are a man if you have a female partner. My girlfriend is suffering and I don't know what to do. I'm crossposting this in other subs because I feel almost desperate for feedback.",3.6806048445936095,4.6191066179775335,4.573136947322343,87.4943413468554,71.90529695024077,7.397183715161244,26.19761418356924,7.604176662624187,1.2207627608346714,2385,75,509,27,44,773,220,623,0.094,0.86,0.046,-0.9816,2,0,2,0,2,0,49.0,7,3,0,2,25,7,2,0,23,0,72,12,5,6,3,102,136,43,0,20,17,0,2,0,6,7,1,9,1,5,42,36,0,2,18,0,0,5,28,4,0,6,38,12,107,3,68,81,5,54,0,2,1,11,88,15,0,10,31,382,149,1,0.11561977478594095,0.06849526341792768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051244977124858385,0.0,0.1157765032062546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040422017411997385,0.0,0.0951452232055634,0.0,0.21617776380505224,0.0,0.1086285843816396,0.0444522350138048,0.0,0.21144222469667603,0.06384647873335339,0.14757586881605994,0.13026389322955867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806071712222985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04979809915178927,0.0,0.0,0.06483870438571651,0.04615649104993695,0.0,0.06350144675799385,0.11184778462741987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039902811833325,0.0,0.0,0.10117964406308984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763657708100478,0.05229235282545578,0.04870732344857607,0.055239824792281615,0.10391159837148847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584608321173001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567437952552076,0.049173060684266016,0.0,0.0,0.044663775596183,0.0,0.09060984044314817,0.0,0.032854691234802884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556054625075939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056931094167045435,0.0,0.06188668010670504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19062481351206328,0.047122774008158695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0408328331071367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048545745617908316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154354194943761,0.0586101521958571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04614330057857202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04458654902397023,0.0,0.0,0.05425066316913151,0.056641415443819225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04396702437564903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05047736384023704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536589199361376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037034494170704986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399235299337805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564187248471592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890097513013388,0.11435091365328175,0.0,0.12275440752780592,0.061617648110635824,0.0,0.04833165441592708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054485134715959616,0.0,0.0,0.2787923861211307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840632042909558,0.1111267247414134,0.0,0.04589459316293437,0.168547051168203,0.0,0.05479701371582613,0.2761991239614081,0.0,0.0,0.12576111391298975,0.11294371975551085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095398422880771,0.17048884693454622,0.04588679778377308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718068957152332,0.05216443161937525,0.06454267476415293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04106648535726736,0.0,0.0,0.03722767210946327 ptsd,sngmch,2019/02/18,"Even when I'm happy it's not ok I'm angry I hate you all you all treat me like another family member that exists. I've been trying to stop myself from le aving the apartment but I'm fed up now. I'm gone. ",-2.7848463356973987,-1.4499393191489336,1.0083687943262412,97.13444444444448,112.40425531914894,3.791016548463357,9.477541371158392,5.82211442006289,-1.2703550827423171,160,2,38,2,9,58,37,47,0.11699999999999999,0.7140000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.3415,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,5,8,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,5,4,3,5,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305654854529032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712072440501769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3870911485351549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371071564351229,0.0,0.40539716681624177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20060568083740984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432924111283764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787805381391221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Opposabletongues,2019/02/18,"I called my friend a cunt this morning and I hate myself for it. Ive been working so hard on trying to fix the flaws my PTSD brings up, but I snapped today and lashed out at a lot of people who care about me. The same people who have helped me through so much, taken care of me when I wouldnt take care of myself. I dont even know why Im posting. Im trying so hard to grow the fuck up. ",1.898965517241379,2.2312887241379333,3.3569540229885066,96.82094827586208,75.55172413793103,5.8000000000000025,20.24712643678161,3.1291,-0.5617494252873563,297,5,76,0,6,98,58,87,0.138,0.703,0.16,0.6209,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,3,0,5,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,14,7,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,2,13,4,13,11,3,10,0,0,0,1,5,5,2,1,2,50,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767277795033073,0.0,0.5293810579114058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028412951632455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431366363246538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371644824375165,0.1600040106527526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31008039770422663,0.1708746222000337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160077716874816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738989741372719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511687666988228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714122126712195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127229213922593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399752689190401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575693237778788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023141007186756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013001639069824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405379864640482,0.0,0.0,0.2350116035854647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561722543087697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599984394614336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Delirium_Dreams,2019/02/18,"Seeing the person who caused my trauma. Coping? Has anyone gone through this? Does anyone have any coping methods/plans to stay calm in dealing with this? For the first time in 3 years I saw the person who caused my trauma. I thought they had left the area I live so I was very surprised and unprepared to see them again. I am so paranoid and panicky and I have been avoiding leaving my house. I feel so incredibly ashamed and weak because it's like he is still in control of me. I am currently in therapy and would normally just wait for my session but I was asked on a date that is happening before my session. I really like this person and click with them which is quite hard for me to do with the whole PTSD thing. I feel so excited and normal when I think about the date but that quickly turns to panic because I keep imagining him showing up at the restaurant or finding out he works at the restraunt. I know if I cancel I will feel even more suffocated by him than I do now so it can't be an option. I'm just trying to make a new and somewhat more normal life for myself so any advice offered to make it through this date and not have an episode if I see him again would be much appreciated. ",3.1223029045643145,4.8728605145228245,4.043109958506226,87.53785995850625,74.56016597510373,6.645726141078839,26.157883817427386,7.365786028017652,1.2476023236514515,948,34,192,11,20,305,139,241,0.096,0.833,0.071,-0.4826,1,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,4,16,11,0,3,12,0,21,2,0,5,0,44,40,21,0,7,8,0,4,2,0,3,2,0,0,3,13,13,0,4,8,1,0,1,2,6,0,1,7,9,32,5,28,28,5,27,0,0,5,0,16,11,0,5,16,142,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833908716607752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647064887715445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935411641995834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321365348275805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14764482918801472,0.0,0.10304854659412108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248809415324114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582574787322205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485043755731587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597683092695348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998646819410217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18369783107601076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068467334500356,0.10300896364189367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708974966261924,0.0,0.10848325160991418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973499315565766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764067111352184,0.0,0.0,0.06655427521716807,0.0,0.0,0.12822911436920406,0.13157724854613911,0.0,0.08553764525530957,0.11832825458665858,0.0,0.106934936204125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167252387467462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902361405806543,0.0,0.0,0.11696068507431873,0.0,0.0,0.35596158279881085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420866410741518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172237520424276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156129607027038,0.0,0.0,0.12880646397593234,0.0,0.0,0.07758078936800306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895069011474168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290781982167402,0.09671189846204484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849023982186195,0.0,0.08045452549927394,0.07759701883673684,0.0,0.09614114746355196,0.07061531995013326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222004071127992,0.13172377141425626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992150719594788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520561758032928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816341100450721,0.0,0.0,0.172054211724944,0.0,0.0,0.07798546337025271 ptsd,culturetraveler,2019/02/18,"Dealing with school and PTSD How do I deal with school and PTSD? I don't want to do anything. I feel like I can barely get out of bed sometimes. It's hard to study and complete homework when I have been crying or very upset. This weekend, I've discovered new information dealing with the case that dealt with the abuser. I wanted to understand what happened since the court stuff happened like 5-6 years ago. I read information I never should have read. I also confirmed, written with the document, that my mom never believed me. This weekend, which was supposed to be a break for me, left me crying. How do I go from constant stressing/no sleep to functioning enough to take a test tomorrow in two of my classes? I'm trying so hard to make it. I feel like such a disappointment to everyone who had high hopes for me in terms of college. I don't know if I can keep up with school while I'm dealing with mental health. I don't know if I can ""get better"" with my mental health while still being in school. I feel like school doesn't even matter, but if I were to keep living, without school I'll be nothing and have no one. I swear I'm not suicidal right now. This is just a normal mental breakdown. Yeah",3.2273430962343066,5.045861891213392,3.980960251046028,87.80533158995821,74.43933054393305,6.453640167364018,25.33912133891213,7.1686216300943375,1.0833328870292886,948,32,189,10,20,302,133,239,0.07200000000000001,0.833,0.095,0.8435,0,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,0,1,8,1,22,3,1,3,2,42,44,16,1,8,8,1,5,4,0,1,2,0,2,0,11,13,0,2,8,4,0,1,9,2,0,2,5,5,25,6,29,35,2,25,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,5,19,123,36,12,0.0,0.100330684277122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750627614836912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771770907145089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968354360263072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09540415564635107,0.0,0.0748916314993654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878424616099853,0.09150783970267136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860316549756985,0.0,0.3492010309803835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749596994735125,0.0,0.0559296340972724,0.0,0.0,0.08091434566710982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844863273137247,0.1814839317771493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884824910050882,0.0,0.04812498687958278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976259483452053,0.0,0.15171137581674649,0.0,0.0,0.18001948390581446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946793787430851,0.0,0.08410528332353971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053304603360454,0.0,0.0,0.09307464986383394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200390432108177,0.0,0.0,0.1654793899973369,0.0,0.07477304585568482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652384277019387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25600933174969137,0.0,0.0,0.09917493842248803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306192209477518,0.08178343746968066,0.0,0.0,0.08296737155719465,0.08125171635139053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738063392016101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19797027348007507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940368900132766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723153428417614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5141975827335042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004728526545986,0.0,0.08474008328976679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374962619345863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762470222723957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693711465459172,0.09262500457637328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366801632046377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057491434442204815,0.0,0.08271900947904076,0.08815375163902951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986898486823563,0.0998916527713271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816274659547159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453045408405825 ptsd,3mptys,2018/12/29,"How do I get out of the safety of my house I can’t stand new places or new people. It makes my anxiety skyrocket. I recognize this and try my hardest to do all this shit anyways, but I get over being a scaredy-cat stuck in my safe places. I just want some hope that this will change one day. I feel like I’m missing out on life.",0.49128772635814505,2.3171001408450707,2.160080482897385,97.64140845070429,82.80281690140845,5.74728370221328,20.00201207243461,6.868970318607317,0.061730784708249324,254,7,62,3,7,83,54,71,0.12300000000000001,0.688,0.18899999999999997,0.7206,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,0,5,2,1,2,1,14,14,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,10,3,8,11,2,11,0,1,0,0,0,7,1,3,4,39,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784431091209505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467579400578446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043327438810014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794316393687165,0.16664084827017714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24373723690731844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316796140539025,0.0,0.2691504920162491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475829558836458,0.1139589562435015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15570272829907686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4505675382149023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806287780580386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171297569876322,0.0,0.4874136899519241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2394378334463321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836809314031894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758267404106225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,princessIgor,2018/12/29,"Cumulative trauma? Reliving feelings of traumatic events? I have a pretty long history of struggling emotionally. When I was a kid there was bullying and sexual abuse, where I did not have any support and ended up self-harming briefly. As a teenager I was mostly fine until my Junior year of college, when I was sexually assaulted. I had a lot of support and feel like I recovered okay from it, but a few years later had yet another sexual encounter where consent was dubious at best, and then immediately afterwards had a terrifying health scare (turned out to be completely unrelated, but my asshat doctor convinced me I had gotten a serious infection from the assault). At this point I started having really bad anxiety/panic about sex and dating, and realized I needed help. I found a therapist who bullied and threatened me into taking an antidepressant that I did not want to take, telling me that she wouldn't help me if I didn't do it. The more she pushed me, the more I felt like I was just spiraling out and had completely lost control of my life, my body, etc. Around that time I really fell apart, and I had a lot of people trying to diagnose me with this and that, but no one seemed to agree on what my exact problem was. Now I have a new therapist who I like very much. She does a combination of EMDR and DBT, and never makes me feel pathologized or pushes drugs (I have nothing against drugs, but I just don't want to take them and don't feel like I should need to justify my choices about my body). She talks about trauma and phrases like ""post-traumatic symptoms"" get thrown around a lot, but I still feel so lost about what is going on with me and no one has officially told me I have PTSD. Hopefully it doesn't sound too much like I'm looking for a diagnosis here, but I'm just wondering if anyone else here has a similar experience as me. There's no question that traumatic things have happened to me, but I can't pinpoint one specific event that gives me flashbacks or nightmares. It's more like the cumulative effect of one disastrous event after another, like life just kicked me when I was down one too many times. Ironically it feels like seeing the first therapist was what really pushed me over the edge. Ever since then, something will ""trigger"" me and I'll feel completely overwhelmed not by one specific memory, but by the *feeling* of not having control, of being coerced or manipulated or judged. Even though nothing seriously bad has happened to me in a couple of years, I still get that feeling of being trapped and helpless. This usually lasts a few hours, and then for several weeks afterwards I feel anxious and depressed, wondering what is wrong with me that this keeps happening and why my life has been such a mess. Sorry this is kind of long, I guess I'm unloading a bit. But I think it would help me to know if this is an experience shared with people who live with PTSD. Does anyone else feel the cumulative effects of multiple traumas that might have been more tolerable in isolation? And does anyone feel like they are constantly re-living the emotional experience of the trauma without having specific flashbacks? &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B;",9.54877654440154,8.275841228040541,9.279362934362936,66.1918918918919,59.86148648648647,13.051737451737454,40.06177606177606,12.031772070788634,4.911622876447876,2565,112,439,68,28,834,272,592,0.191,0.696,0.113,-0.9951,0,2,3,0,1,0,79.0,0,0,2,8,33,39,2,3,30,1,52,14,2,7,3,104,102,48,0,12,25,0,13,10,0,5,11,1,0,1,29,31,0,3,23,0,0,5,15,20,0,7,26,16,62,19,59,68,15,60,0,5,2,1,19,18,0,19,47,325,91,3,0.0,0.06220000246199262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275206001405805,0.2551569350668458,0.03569955463079902,0.11009472963920476,0.0,0.0593063258205975,0.0,0.11012073494209866,0.10757814115180557,0.0,0.0934663818150443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766509959748567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05509204545704957,0.0,0.05731279737306157,0.11662399324338403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512536627021235,0.056730280430227875,0.11775902073159725,0.0,0.05808659751219924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04521532881286113,0.053283043128140736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053732594581024,0.13782064180325182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175900548866984,0.0,0.08770850941401215,0.1181034381212629,0.04649649232504507,0.0,0.058547694821210035,0.034673573728849286,0.047486268570731835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405553105864309,0.0,0.0,0.3185268925332255,0.15001460533145944,0.05040506238248492,0.0,0.0,0.044653664253585794,0.0,0.057559919405808214,0.0,0.0,0.054854715663637636,0.0503596159936935,0.02983508309507243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057831031056833536,0.0,0.1392679692339998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580153480873625,0.0,0.0,0.1055622896749598,0.0,0.0,0.05214106599075235,0.05169867258919576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04666147700159012,0.0,0.05466723225474891,0.028850812153783306,0.04279181527399215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123991031163533,0.2564723479014092,0.0,0.0463555458614051,0.092915850995999,0.044084004444646635,0.0,0.1146126938115824,0.1338924452783313,0.0,0.0,0.035041953364500604,0.05322341179471838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05569070028522628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718222632759174,0.07785127233641907,0.04048868959217456,0.05070163777527738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100743994591693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21343872595824934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278920048190675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04962634776755232,0.0,0.0502773249779464,0.0534080144738665,0.0,0.05023224987391817,0.12273166067372153,0.0,0.0588083158680997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089218642205768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255835252997697,0.0,0.0418330713039526,0.04779102195647499,0.05476550481515608,0.0593063258205975,0.0,0.043425810831044034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04041452265322297,0.0,0.05876575511762406,0.037157432837667516,0.0,0.08384786120680245,0.0,0.0,0.05488094670085172,0.0,0.0,0.11914526089301533,0.0,0.0545641695465202,0.11841295014827438,0.04219485707917432,0.04588442768354916,0.0,0.0,0.18285813666938247,0.034876473292320666,0.033637764168375814,0.05157773895910109,0.0,0.06122249320311327,0.0,0.0,0.05016284435779912,0.0,0.035641811770878565,0.05710133230149394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781769584921322,0.043315273509124765,0.061927824902972814,0.0,0.04210968435041422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047370104343658175,0.0,0.0,0.05060494324274522,0.11386085861309347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03729214784885188,0.05739689787545711,0.2551569350668458,0.10141845645885074 ptsd,anonomoose11,2018/12/29,"Not sure where I stand Following a conversation with my sister over Christmas, I am worried I may have PTSD or at least some of the symptoms. I experienced some possible trauma as a young child and am still in regular contact with the people associated which probably doesn't help but it was nothing as major as the things I normally associate with PTSD. I'm scared to mention it to anyone in case they think I'm making things up and I don't want to self-diagnose or undermine what people with this illness go through. I know I can't be diagnosed over the internet, but what are some things I can do to help myself know what steps to take next? is it worth seeing a doctor or am I just being overly sensitive to some stuff I should be over by now?",6.850945945945945,6.357659905405406,7.49121621621622,74.30479729729731,64.81081081081078,11.183783783783785,33.364864864864856,10.686352973137794,3.4357,598,22,115,14,8,199,94,148,0.155,0.8290000000000001,0.017,-0.9492,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,7,0,17,4,0,1,1,26,28,10,0,3,7,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,12,6,0,0,3,0,1,3,4,2,0,0,1,2,14,1,24,22,6,17,0,0,1,0,8,9,0,8,4,91,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177965852127812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419824904114852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243390610121165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957441187616577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258407966036721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18517096643704856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245354785438286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17916738972769974,0.0,0.16506265021102265,0.1616493735240163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23358868595398066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992210334152368,0.0,0.0,0.18163675492912645,0.0,0.39385962686663467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16866563201824294,0.0,0.1342470049212648,0.0,0.17574863057547352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453858257597714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19285529658688028,0.0,0.0,0.1587788840171413,0.1751025231786965,0.12666680057822166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357675113805101,0.10794734766284347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936665842805452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108720293233706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Invisible96,2018/12/29,"Cumulative PTSD? I've had trauma symptoms since I was a little kid about 20 years ago, and over the ensuing 15 years experienced periods of intense trauma that were near enough constant. The thing that's weird though is that because I never developed any personality disorder symptoms, it's not diagnosed as complex PTSD. So does anyone else here have their illness come from multiple events or long spells of trauma, but only has the ""classic"" PTSD symptoms of flashbacks, nightmares, and avoidance? Right now they're considering it as severe since I'm unable to really function, but I see that as a bit of a slap in the face to people who witnessed a terrorist attack or war or something of that nature. I'd be reassured to know that someone else is going through a similar process. I think I was personality disorder proofed by being autistic beforehand (lol I know, bear with me..) , I don't understand social cues and gestures well enough and my relationship to the world is pretty vastly different to 99% of other people, so projecting my trauma symptoms outwards doesn't happen unless I'm badly triggered. I'm just trying to unravel the whole thing. I got normalized to a lot of chaos for a long time. I can accept that I have trauma symptoms and the bipolar that came along with it, but for it to be causing the same level of debilitation as someone who's been a war vet? Very hard to wrap my head around. I mean it's happening all around me every day but I still can't fully grasp that it's that serious.",7.63512809187279,7.770300187279153,7.944874116607777,69.6051556978799,63.028268551236756,10.749911660777387,36.4154151943463,10.411451182825502,3.94348074204947,1215,53,203,26,16,399,168,283,0.20800000000000002,0.736,0.055999999999999994,-0.9933,1,1,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,0,11,15,3,1,16,1,18,10,2,2,3,39,33,20,2,1,10,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,3,21,12,0,1,8,0,0,3,5,12,1,0,7,3,18,3,36,23,7,27,0,0,1,0,9,11,0,4,13,137,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366207220283198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418155723202966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599260901350247,0.09670334398644344,0.0,0.16803621209766162,0.0,0.10737074265032663,0.0,0.0,0.07880326050641373,0.057533101004220676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303838865130796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794544368310817,0.0,0.09695413853210218,0.0,0.08129991270461111,0.0,0.1019911250399896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086721703102501,0.0,0.0,0.09579359511323206,0.0,0.09860689056617156,0.2163350464553984,0.0,0.08259247210159093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576845642728244,0.0,0.0,0.19503929806213016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951912245433994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053638262801652604,0.0,0.07548421463422647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669196386420101,0.0,0.08454583755441307,0.0,0.09686098911018563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037374314939534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945934377931886,0.0,0.16704645394420645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023840193003258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280736158716597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279158452212528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247224712356628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07178015435340851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086225542356628,0.16481774781247704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601827174186266,0.0,0.0,0.3309750997670723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060462170131438876,0.0,0.0,0.10132867423768914,0.0,0.08059990486114048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520854777750817,0.0,0.0,0.10662240423560387,0.0,0.1561440299199366,0.0,0.0,0.09620840573111268,0.15993553810007907,0.07265824533382796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537189691135404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4904841820557154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540360179906998,0.060474818480440215,0.09272775638624657,0.0,0.0550336690757088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640777456661137,0.0,0.0,0.09825278725160397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778732881823822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485884987176168,0.0,0.0,0.10537176947363863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155510126882033 ptsd,TroubleSource,2018/12/29,"Can people sense your fear? My abusers made me too afraid to live and now I blame myself. I tell myself it didn’t happen and I just made it all up. Exactly the way my family likes to see it. But I’ve been threatened with all sorts of violent deaths. I’ve been brought to the brink of death through drowning. I’ve been strangled until I lost consciousness numerous times. I’ve been burnt with hot objects, forced to take drugs and tortured in various other ways. All of which happened so I could continue to be raped and used as a sex object. And of course the abuse didn’t stop there it went on for years, leaked into every part of my life and flourished like an infestation of evil. Hooray for my childhood. Somehow this made me hyper vigilant and unable to trust anyone or too trusting which got me in even more irreversible trouble. It’s as if I’m a wounded animal in a pack that is continuously targeted by others preying on the weak. I remember being punished for my resulting apparent cowardice by being beaten up and spit on and various other corrective measures by kids in my neighborhood. So I decided to no longer be vulnerable when I was about 9 years old. I decided I’d be how people apparently wanted me to be: Disconnected from myself an my feelings and violent to anyone who tries to come close or even annoyed me. I haven’t healed. I’m still fighting fear on a daily basis. So I’m never at ease and everything is hard and painful. Even concentrating and understanding what other people say gives me a lot of anxiety. Because of this anxiety I will probably not react to this post anymore until everyone has forgotten about it. I’m sure other people pick up on my fear. I feel I’m still being judged for being afraid. Afraid of things the people that judge me have never dealt with and never will. They will never have to look back on a childhood full of violence and abuse but they will judge me just the same. But I wonder how many people notice my fear and insecurities and just use it against me. I feel that a lot of people do because everyone is afraid to a certain degree and putting someone down is just a way for some to keep their illusion of power. How can I know the difference between someone I can trust and someone I should stay away from? How will I know if they don’t have a hidden agenda? I know that I have trust issues because of how I was treated for as long as I can remember but how can I ever trust anyone again? I wish I could trust people but I don’t. ",4.16886000862813,5.836383084016397,5.232355478861088,80.42239430543573,71.64344262295083,8.333563416738569,27.801121656600518,8.916525866297963,2.2727942622950823,1987,73,371,39,38,654,229,488,0.153,0.773,0.07400000000000001,-0.9708,3,0,1,0,5,0,34.0,0,1,4,3,29,33,9,9,19,0,42,9,1,14,12,91,74,44,3,7,14,0,5,2,0,6,6,1,0,1,24,25,0,2,13,0,0,4,11,22,0,0,15,8,52,11,69,43,12,52,0,1,2,2,11,20,0,10,25,279,76,1,0.0,0.2685970527715676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561427187974704,0.0,0.07494032775458408,0.15851073785492967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099594958761091,0.058104939028002886,0.0,0.13819144943027314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509268913085171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066525327107927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894950265327498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876315882319504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973021453363164,0.06835300793335415,0.06366690130018927,0.14441148574312626,0.0679130878998841,0.0,0.07123610201640407,0.34012722622267283,0.11462403694596435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248898123907803,0.0,0.0,0.060436356621001774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364403215825615,0.0,0.06769153542922272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07887038827915506,0.0,0.0671657808387482,0.0,0.0,0.12458589723219865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053373902961099236,0.0738346345520019,0.0,0.06672541535454557,0.06687278334792512,0.06345569774661518,0.0,0.08248829193324682,0.12848558330350365,0.0,0.21450472726588446,0.0,0.07661120568413812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23312202067700766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603142861312225,0.07929291764212146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804066515409611,0.0,0.0,0.08182969795600244,0.0,0.4190989056629176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237052934505678,0.0,0.08147201662194119,0.0,0.0,0.07596385095406341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712011777550672,0.0,0.0,0.060092443383244064,0.0,0.0,0.06021564424369288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207832916775333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054239984571214,0.12069285910992393,0.06317585228476857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121926331983508,0.0,0.05681559157001955,0.0,0.06604727522019141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05020213058194959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406264894638813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05130377930422491,0.0,0.0,0.07866599020893696,0.0,0.13052806216514332,0.0,0.0,0.04457028562460316,0.17994030580836395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004965476537484,0.0,0.0,0.08689619778700114,0.0,0.08194718606376436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732296328421214 ptsd,kronch,2018/12/29,"Any of you heard of the ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) inventory? As a person who is well versed in trauma related treatments and issues, I was surprised to learn of this tool. Basically, it is a checklist for childhood trauma. There are 10 items. There has been quite a bit of research related to ACE and psychological and physical health - including increased risk of many behaviors and illnesses. You can take the inventory [here](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2015/03/02/387007941/take-the-ace-quiz-and-learn-what-it-does-and-doesnt-mean) (possible trigger warning for abuse). There is also a lot of [statistics related to ACE](https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score/) (again, possible trigger warning for abuse). It definitely has a ton of limitations, but it was an interesting inventory. I got a 9/10 (you want 0/10). ",8.230572139303481,11.6070361119403,7.0814179104477635,64.18143034825871,64.74626865671641,10.735323383084577,37.28606965174129,10.686352973137794,5.1427383084577105,685,35,93,21,12,208,83,134,0.09300000000000001,0.81,0.09699999999999999,0.1406,0,0,0,0,2,0,65.0,0,3,0,4,6,7,0,1,9,0,10,2,0,2,0,11,14,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,5,1,5,3,15,9,5,5,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,3,58,10,2,0.0,0.4300274569482324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512247390799712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340665662712567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811957821052345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177513680674527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902782343674729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3857908546269273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894088122909308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428034691478754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18398334017893928,0.0,0.1976753652807393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584536749148875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4091630816360031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301698663833472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728875552328981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703643088130706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316442603656864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SharpieBoi,2018/12/29,"Is this normal??? Ok so im gonna be honest and say that i am not diagnosed with ptsd so i have no way of knowing if that is what this is. Im asking this here because i know memory issues that work in this way are common with ptsd. Ive been abused my whole life and im still in that environment. Awhile back i realised i had trouble remembering alot of traumatic things that ive experienced. I vaguely knew these things happened but i only knew the bare minimum of what happened at most. Sometimes i would remember these things and they would upset me alot since alot of it was ""new"" information to me and since i would somehow feel all of those emotions again. I know that this part is normal when it comes to traumatic memories but its gotten worse over time. Now i can barely remember simple things that arent bad. Like i'll have no memory of a conversation i had with someone just earlier in the day or i'll accidentally repeat the same story to the same person countless times. I know that forget some stuff is normal in everyone but its to the point that it happens so often and that i forget such important things that my life is starting to get more difficult due to it. Is forgetting small things like this somehow related to my memory issues with trauma? Im honestly clueless here and i dont know what to do. And before anyone tries making this about my abuse please know that im safe enough where i currently am and no i am not able to get help with any of this (and yes i've tried many times to). Thanks for reading of that, i hope someone has some insight.",4.192608695652176,5.537486410256413,5.1690245261984415,82.16438127090305,71.11538461538461,8.503010033444816,26.385730211817172,8.964715089967882,1.9661171683389083,1248,40,246,24,23,409,159,312,0.16,0.728,0.11199999999999999,-0.9470000000000001,2,0,0,0,2,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,17,13,0,1,9,2,28,3,0,1,1,61,50,18,0,8,8,0,1,2,0,4,3,1,0,1,40,15,0,1,14,1,0,1,7,5,0,0,7,3,27,8,31,38,13,27,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,12,17,178,67,2,0.08174130121045274,0.19370015099579455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558688785176343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571554183862676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641708236720933,0.0,0.0,0.06285401504143193,0.0682505721742955,0.04982873852256416,0.0,0.06955582679878304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041289312335465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052716376991614106,0.0,0.0,0.08296570008773642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580019624120556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194796178340148,0.0,0.08446061497753594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810731625309451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0413308579432989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541291226934139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168506881168316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478947116868669,0.0,0.0,0.0811875559141808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4414731609250064,0.17063336281387284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695372885533533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547259684482508,0.07986934171763926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456295328958345,0.08287284962285864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894625807134324,0.0,0.0,0.24026735959405826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062167942974652064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851786357926737,0.0,0.0,0.07137335130800053,0.0,0.08972740227701531,0.0772719507673533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911024136935612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176342156744397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27779087927125845,0.0,0.0,0.06500396357814815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523449810517207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385182785101362,0.0,0.08084423701679766,0.0,0.05785691371692686,0.0,0.06527870873621086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357423345099546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07525640786441644,0.0,0.0,0.32583173033078144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429920302458394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099395576393192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976488031293498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912612436513141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059508640815408374,0.0,0.0833013692881824,0.1742000253222022,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,carlyxmccrae,2018/12/29,"I was in a car accident and cannot stop having anxiety attacks whenever I’m in a car. Tips? I have some trauma from an accident I was in a month ago, I’m okay to drive again but whenever I’m a passenger I get such bad anxiety attacks to the point where I have to make them pull over so I can throw up. I know this because I have never gotten car sick in my life, and I only throw up in the car never at home or anywhere else. Does anyone have any tips to move past this? Or be okay with trusting other people to drive again? I don’t want to be like this forever. ",0.9865201192250376,2.5929239262295134,3.437093889716841,90.17444858420272,80.22950819672131,7.059314456035768,21.746646795827125,8.00094639256281,0.9499737704918032,437,13,100,8,11,152,71,122,0.132,0.703,0.165,0.267,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,5,8,2,0,7,2,12,2,0,1,2,13,20,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,10,4,4,0,0,3,0,12,4,17,15,1,29,0,0,0,0,1,11,0,3,9,65,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642830744221686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301891847436254,0.0,0.3217751885358919,0.0,0.0,0.1470545741713865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4785190061413912,0.0,0.0,0.17560117853071186,0.1282038366933481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404486496626485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17568813234673272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987899132870137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21095941496035367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558160862268245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854911430024467,0.10274749417684552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403844480204306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786849969121573,0.22352766389221765,0.0,0.0,0.3244101309275847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995124590750984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200765964784468,0.14580339779021573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19881218852586774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582969169231202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240470733135115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AzuraBeth,2018/12/29,Forgetting important things (heavy trigger warning) So my main trauma is from my sister's mental illness and it's still ongoing. She's attempted suicide several times that required hospitalisation for each one and she used to self harming so severely it was almost to the bone. Her struggles have been going on for a while but I'm just realising recently that I've forgotten several important parts to what's been happening. I can't remember the first attempt or the first time we had to wash a blood soaked towel and I've even forgotten her most recent suicide attempts. She attempted 3 times this summer and I only remember 2 of them because it was eventful (had to get the police and she stole my medication). Is this normal? Should I even want to remember? ,4.361285714285717,7.195810271428571,5.672857142857144,72.20214285714287,74.85714285714286,9.428571428571429,32.14285714285714,9.784248007369934,4.006,618,31,98,19,14,206,92,140,0.171,0.7929999999999999,0.035,-0.9605,1,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,1,0,1,7,6,3,0,1,6,0,11,5,2,2,0,22,17,10,2,3,3,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,9,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,3,6,0,14,0,11,10,4,13,0,0,0,0,10,1,0,3,11,72,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922837342035402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475743120477099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366908242051866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23653453215715575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264260796397247,0.0,0.07901957812114076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12295252247821227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006806933991905,0.14011951449499738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622957892277127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421703316075898,0.10574610768904223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056666002723804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745702504477877,0.0,0.4725153001512294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450489369275353,0.4712265252949001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103744202434923,0.0,0.0,0.14535469002619802,0.0,0.3041741623081436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237192995676892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432258476883592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200858297839514,0.0,0.0,0.08200933414864528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,outfreak,2018/12/29,"Struggling after witnessing a loved ones... (Trigger warning) I recently witnessed my partners suicide attempt. They're okay, but the attempt was very serious and it seemed likely they could die in front of me. There were very severe physical injuries. I'm struggling. I've been drinking too much, and right now is the holidays but soon I will need to decide whether I should take time off of university. I think its the right decision, but then the question of supporting myself comes in. I feel like I'm in a bubble right now, and it's all going to be a lot harder. What I am struggling last night with is how angry I feel. My partner is going to be okay. Somehow had a lucky escape, has no brain or spine damage. Doesn't remember anything. I can't forget it. We are taking a break from each other right now, but I still feel so angry, and also guilty that I feel angry. But its the worst thing I've ever seen. I recently realised I actually heard their bones breaking - in my memory something else had obviously broken, but I just realised nothing else could had. I can't stop hearing that sound now. Over and Over. The feelings are so intense sometimes I feel like I can't breathe.",3.0107868410927234,5.566067446902653,3.9058907272027694,84.56063678337824,78.07079646017701,6.2313197383609085,27.08272412466333,7.423996415210882,1.6883642170065412,937,39,168,13,23,300,137,226,0.222,0.653,0.125,-0.9847,0,0,2,0,0,1,32.0,1,0,2,2,15,14,0,3,11,2,23,6,4,2,3,44,44,18,2,4,9,0,6,3,2,2,0,3,0,2,10,9,1,1,12,2,0,4,5,6,0,1,8,10,24,8,16,30,5,32,0,1,1,1,9,11,0,6,18,120,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.11225060756018533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198774559701034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465813550268756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284091442456009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908632422044096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836807876184811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938076787384845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268352044016948,0.0,0.0,0.19218204965194102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404929333786896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489692818022011,0.16435186575933888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074597799129806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964476877942738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09376306612239864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685904201133219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977925811243624,0.10381714311713644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455871928184247,0.08529170764378667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794586322593314,0.0,0.11037234300359977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794586124692512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12885753908736014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22715228792462575,0.0,0.1303041526818695,0.3929326878480005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471705215285496,0.0,0.12994875103540862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885540736137554,0.11376550408697288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186140508665636,0.0961684494215235,0.0,0.3607563129601067,0.0,0.1258218193398017,0.130532263047882,0.0,0.0,0.17297328478060525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641940521769447,0.07370521408672252,0.0,0.0,0.06707367567403125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982007788831776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CrystalineOmission45,2019/10/19,Sound triggers I've had complex ptsd for a while. Recently something big happened again. I've been struggling with sound triggers and hyper awareness. I had one of my worst episodes ever after a panic attack started and I tried to compose myself in an echo-y public restroom. A train went by and I lost it for hours. What do you do about loud noises?,3.8369154228855713,6.122100477611941,4.087388059701496,85.64710199004975,74.07462686567162,5.063681592039801,29.07711442786069,5.46131890053228,1.2611711442786064,280,12,48,1,6,87,53,67,0.22699999999999998,0.773,0.0,-0.9393,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,3,5,1,2,4,0,5,0,0,2,1,8,9,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,1,5,3,6,0,9,4,1,10,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,34,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187307088353081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534273299883475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477509861143701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759083194483085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30583566417917946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898485887386712,0.0,0.0,0.3287159186635705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275005386372661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27663137337488664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568644740961246,0.0,0.0,0.19830383133273632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29289165496153685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902151814600202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597178604210598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,qaaaaaaaaaaa,2019/10/19,"(TW: childhood trauma) does anything kid related make them want to cry? pretty much anything makes me want to cry.. seeing kids in a park, seeing them happy, seeing them sad, seeing them with a happy life, seeing them with a sad life, seeing them play games like hide and seek, toys, even things like nursery rhymes i have cptsd and other side traumas and experiences that have consumed my entire childhood. i've had little to no happy days back then. seeing kids enjoying themselves makes me extremely extremely emotional. could i be jealous?? does anyone feel the same?",5.508955555555558,8.23086434,5.027333333333335,78.80922222222225,70.6,6.844444444444445,26.11111111111111,7.793537801064563,1.8329777777777767,454,15,69,6,9,138,65,100,0.152,0.603,0.245,0.8936,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,6,0,2,12,1,0,4,0,5,2,0,3,0,13,18,4,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,5,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,8,11,7,6,15,2,8,0,2,7,0,10,3,0,0,7,38,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08458622469378063,0.0,0.19909880168962146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093019769416616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658605811860492,0.0,0.26576346198186435,0.07801673813529593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117262980698509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607687906304633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990066629795743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833353430030916,0.0,0.0,0.06116692582235698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863298692306708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089177716591558,0.11820132325889456,0.12124542283355848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422486453892102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892811796903567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307170802421084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6747914730768917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036822151564871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270448471291686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,armadeeloo,2019/10/19,"(TW: Mental Abuse/gaslighting, Hypervigilance, etc) No access to therapy, looking for any coping mechanisms suggestions? I’m not sure where to start. I don’t have an official diagnosis (the last person I saw told me I couldn’t have PTSD because I wasn’t a veteran) but I’m fairly certain the shoe fits. I’m currently on waitlists for seeking more qualified help but it’s been a year already and I’m tired of waiting idly. I’m not looking for a diagnosis here or anything, I just really want to get the ball rolling on making life more livable. I guess my most pressing concerns are the constant intrusive thoughts, and the way I respond when I am triggered. I’m tired of living day to day with a million thoughts of how everything could kill me. It gets in the way of my studies, commute, and everything. I also have no idea how to navigate my triggers right now, as due to the nature of my trauma they tend to crop up in very benign conversations. I guess I’m just looking for any suggestions that you’ve found works for you?",4.628484848484844,6.249241040404044,5.5893131313131335,78.50063636363639,70.41414141414141,8.714343434343434,33.402020202020196,9.21078282632365,3.1528480808080808,818,40,149,17,15,269,121,198,0.12300000000000001,0.816,0.061,-0.9231,1,0,0,0,1,1,24.0,0,1,1,1,9,5,1,0,12,0,10,4,1,5,2,29,34,11,1,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,4,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,7,5,18,3,24,25,4,20,0,0,4,0,9,8,0,4,10,91,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343974869571395,0.11119433309783054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18911090079935636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442228724265535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476061524461435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025837921105134,0.0,0.11101621498366766,0.0,0.0,0.1793452003707803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15507206493008607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499295783040564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524557984174369,0.0,0.0,0.14529067378467314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063477539262669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319901371940184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569650170771628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15383282523441244,0.0,0.0,0.11334033179118105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982116810766598,0.0,0.0,0.1227793893447234,0.0,0.3502886469139977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928136980287788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012477829441464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214088365130222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625363057511688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907586502228247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187437736788509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984168523668444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104838109328787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15901021386569633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22077258930502025,0.0,0.3196238246522918,0.0,0.13286357184659614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11472678688005444,0.08201241495210694,0.22073509020276344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122650417089513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954049920680245 ptsd,lolsappho,2019/10/19,"Neighbors (TW: Domestic abuse) I live in a small apartment building. The neighbors directly above me are a couple with one young child. Nearly every night they get in shouting matches that I can fully hear. It seems to have been getting worse lately. I believe last night the child was sent to sit outside (concerning as I live in a city that can be shady at night) and they finished their argument, which left the man sob-screaming and slamming things after the woman left when the argument finished. Today I heard the child screaming but I don’t know if it was in fear or in play. Things seem quiet now. I am starting to suspect one of the adults may be mentally ill in some way because the bath runs about 5 times a day, and I know that’s one of my OCD compulsions. I don’t know what to do. The fights are very triggering for me and scary. I never know if I will be overreacting if I reported it (I wouldnt know who to report it to) but I also do not want to be a bystander. I also wouldnt want the child to end up misplaced and have it even worse somewhere else. But I am constantly terrified one night things will escalate (if that happened I would call the police of course).",3.5011497628190646,5.255432523605151,4.132545742037498,87.27630675400948,73.54935622317598,7.137022814547097,26.85543257284843,7.85451343220497,1.5512798283261795,930,34,185,13,19,295,131,233,0.165,0.8220000000000001,0.013000000000000001,-0.9864,0,0,0,0,2,0,25.0,0,0,3,0,6,4,1,1,16,0,25,1,0,1,1,32,41,17,0,9,9,0,0,0,2,6,1,5,3,7,15,6,0,0,8,2,0,2,6,3,0,4,5,5,23,1,25,26,1,36,0,0,0,0,18,13,0,9,19,129,38,2,0.0,0.1384314441333153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18686726454029035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122208421169146,0.0,0.0,0.1316340572936319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930252364258713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625810828292391,0.0,0.0,0.12927670836215555,0.0,0.0753494941424579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760140788082224,0.0,0.10348193448420966,0.0,0.0,0.07716901438196214,0.0,0.09843929037420256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147287720364614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208387791431098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033176063208744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168255807628684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210497936320565,0.095236857732996,0.1317959916216937,0.0,0.25388510868503883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20633649206376126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177431137212459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011105384979914,0.0,0.0,0.4385703345278207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166841361078711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127260425780334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269705601938011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23286175432628506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812795668881025,0.0,0.11074677816173584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640185896393906,0.13782568961459454,0.09273890436924033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381315407254597,0.08299687583942084,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway01837363819,2019/10/19,"Feel more comfortable working on emotional release with my massage therapist than psychology therapists. But I think that this is outside of her scope of practice (or is it)? The massage therapist is allowing this though. What should I do? I met a massage therapist whom I feel comfortable talking with and working on emotionally releasing my past. I have also had a series of licensed psychology therapists as well but feel more comfortable talking with my massage therapist. My only concern is that from my understanding, this is outside the scope of her practice (or is it?). I’d like to try to continue working with this massage therapist for emotional release rather than attempting to find another therapist I feel comfortable working with. This massage therapist is also welcoming working on emotional release together. What should I do?",8.783571428571431,11.065084500000005,8.750000000000004,57.26500000000002,61.14285714285714,13.314285714285715,49.0,12.516099999999998,7.7050142857142845,690,49,87,27,10,224,64,140,0.0,0.805,0.195,0.98,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,6,5,7,0,0,4,0,13,0,0,1,0,21,20,9,0,3,5,0,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,14,7,20,16,2,5,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,3,75,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126714609895387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307576400811233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564760415348654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602369464977824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241147313915122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0387060058527573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025522967592796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563054136003708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735832134937186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8278913691159594,0.0,0.05076506326815866,0.07783951300630586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05378950932896728,0.0,0.0,0.08247745237488972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123402749851132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28838872966222684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Swagario,2019/10/19,"Does anyone want to just talk? I feel trapped with noone to go, does anyone want to just talk on Discord? DM me if you can",-0.06820512820512903,2.043201923076925,0.951538461538462,103.67679487179493,87.46153846153845,3.466666666666667,16.358974358974358,3.1291,-1.3209333333333335,94,2,23,0,3,29,19,26,0.215,0.6990000000000001,0.086,-0.7059,0,1,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,5,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4519764540701046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5656671744213537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634191048225773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368141664630225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5195501617202503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812622398856633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,petriepie,2019/10/19,"Has anyone tried a weighted blanket? Did they help with nightmares? Asking because weighted blankets are mad expensive and I want to see if anyone similar to me i.e. with PTSD have tried them and how well it worked for them. Any recommendations are welcome too.",4.876956521739132,8.081631043478264,4.415391304347828,79.79265217391305,75.52173913043478,6.288695652173913,30.93913043478261,7.554174236665415,2.398892173913044,212,10,33,3,5,64,38,46,0.062,0.755,0.183,0.644,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,1,3,3,1,0,1,0,5,2,0,1,0,7,8,4,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,5,2,5,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,23,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723070985787264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3543383949270165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368761096980118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15445810500414026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16983528264642164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29618767759350634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019110662742663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3440567949848247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945009735663214,0.0,0.0,0.6170971931883806,0.2278190626829169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18446366824152585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Paiddus,2019/10/19,Is it normal to have black out after a panic attack ? Like knowing something bad happened to you but forgot every detail before and after the attack ?,6.253333333333334,8.14021674074074,7.1564814814814826,67.7991666666667,66.77777777777777,5.4,24.61111111111111,3.1291,1.127755555555555,120,3,14,0,2,40,24,27,0.325,0.623,0.052000000000000005,-0.8485,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,1,5,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,13,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6692028843798443,0.0,0.0,0.24557606629010276,0.0,0.0,0.2502725733812086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24780692019194325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600873871261584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616394435307069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369109394503266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881729834993746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450838510588836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264262412234891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CesarTheSanchez,2019/10/19,"What are good things (or anything) a person can do to help someone suffering from PTSD? I do not suffer from this disorder. I do not fully understand this disorder. I really need your help, one step at a time.",1.763249999999999,4.461178825000005,3.7550000000000026,82.39,85.75,8.200000000000001,23.0,8.841846274778883,2.37435,163,6,30,5,5,55,30,40,0.17800000000000002,0.588,0.23399999999999999,0.3919,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,4,1,4,7,0,3,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156391278954904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6006481456513656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21978930353821668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35128390671917264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430162400041245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756717320797655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288059105911186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063143384750561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678715074905512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220282519119514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408977905515416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279942764858714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727960884503344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chemicataclysmic,2019/10/19,"Obsessive thoughts-help? [TW abuse, BM spoilers, drugs, pregnancy] A few days ago, like an idiot, I decided to watch an episode of Black Mirror in between my classes. I don't usually watch the show, the few episodes I've seen have been disappointing, but I saw a recommendation for an episode in the comments of a post and thought it'd be interesting. Of course, it was ArkAngel. Now I can't stop thinking about it. My own traumatic experiences involve my mom: A. Stalking me (showing up at friends' houses when I didn't tell her where I was, tracking my phone, calling the cops saying I'm missing, etc) B. Confronting my boyfriends, once in a way EXTREMELY similar to how the mom in BM confronts Trick (difference being I was there, and she immediately took me to a mental ward and got me admitted/tested for drugs) C. Accusing me of being on drugs, CONSTANTLY (I never did drugs) D. Accusing me of being pregnant (I was never pregnant) and threatening to get me EC/abortions So of course the last 4 days I've been having intrusive thoughts about scenes from the show, the mom confronting Trick, the EC in the smoothie, the technology to see everything Sara is seeing and know where she is at all times (literally my worst nightmare), the ending scene...I've never wanted to do anything like that to my mom even after all that, she was extremely ill herself, and we've gone to therapy and have a better relationship now...that last scene, imagining it from the mom's perspective makes me so anxious and nauseous... The more I try to distract myself from thinking about it, the more it comes up. It's 3am now and I can't sleep and it's been 4 fucking days since I watched that damn thing. I know obsessive thoughts are my brain trying to work through emotions, or some kind of mental ""roadblock,"" but I have no idea what I'm missing here. Those traumatic experiences have already been gone over so much in therapy that I have hardly any emotional connection to them at all anymore, but the show keeps popping up in my head and bringing awful emotions up. All I can say is, if you have parent-related trauma, don't watch that fucking show.",6.475361596009972,7.17901082044888,6.585300748129676,76.41824039900251,65.48379052369077,9.807521197007482,36.239501246882796,9.791249743138472,3.572099970074814,1693,81,306,34,25,541,207,401,0.166,0.777,0.057,-0.9916,1,0,4,0,1,0,69.0,0,1,1,2,15,23,9,3,26,1,33,10,3,2,7,40,60,21,0,2,5,5,1,2,1,0,5,2,0,0,16,12,0,2,10,5,0,5,9,17,0,0,20,12,40,6,45,35,13,43,0,3,9,2,21,18,3,3,20,204,56,2,0.0,0.09685858242299973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246509602171558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021148163346082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559177038271865,0.0,0.0,0.09235251479627668,0.08107252672050569,0.0,0.0,0.06727203447471307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229988826088654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912583406876127,0.08347433917094005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041907791159532,0.0,0.0883410663253386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816302216496586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540976341055229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792091383299599,0.0,0.0,0.275868114379047,0.07240488996761169,0.0,0.0911711655957246,0.05399410073927057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347026358713264,0.1599314015234478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315867366637451,0.15115030688979633,0.042710207299776766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538172815432426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732305819746301,0.0,0.08389752598538139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479428365773472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432677136011093,0.0,0.09228408463593807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266180606502559,0.0,0.08512846320897458,0.08985365454527927,0.13327184574561404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987635712268136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456774588220268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476648288270376,0.0,0.0,0.4787141648988477,0.0,0.0,0.060094539665892586,0.0,0.1891484046383713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705946432682762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077201391550677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829244746991859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776727512301237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300193465350976,0.0,0.0,0.1302859107562586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676231882825801,0.0,0.08180751881630825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06834539060491791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145177563995936,0.0,0.1869730250422214,0.0,0.054310058348823576,0.10476225158411932,0.0,0.1946974876577507,0.04766819669885683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082557035321644,0.11100370503117464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003440252821404,0.0,0.04821737214807121,0.06488813917173451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05951386781753267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,solid-flip,2019/10/19,"flashbacks every day for as long as i can remember i’ve had to deal with anxiety and depression and this last summer has fucked my head up for ever. i had just got my first car in june (i’m 16 years old) and a week later i get in a wreak flipping my car twice and barley escaping. not even four days later, while visiting a friend a couple cities over, i get robbed at gunpoint and then beat up. this week of tragedy has stuck with me ever since and now anytime i’m in a car and it turns to fast i start to freak out. or anytime someone mentions getting robbed or says anything that might trigger a memory (“what do you have on you right now” “look at me while i’m talking to you” “don’t move” “get over here” etc. ) or just in general yelling at me i get a flash back followed by an anxiety attack. this follows me everywhere i go and it feels like it’s impossible to escape. i don’t know what to do to avoid these things.",1.8686418232214344,3.638302842931939,3.3100893132121985,91.34217123498615,78.16230366492147,6.58835848475516,23.80073914382507,7.510576382923642,0.9413422235910072,717,24,158,10,17,235,115,191,0.13699999999999998,0.818,0.045,-0.9552,1,1,0,1,1,0,14.0,0,3,0,2,9,7,2,1,8,0,11,2,1,1,2,26,30,16,0,0,6,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,11,11,0,1,3,0,0,8,3,5,0,3,4,4,18,2,28,25,1,45,0,1,1,1,9,14,1,4,24,104,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336021994932752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564404822966,0.0,0.0,0.17369750110719984,0.0,0.11740282006430967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893942181014834,0.0,0.19693415984035725,0.15740815158792348,0.1315045437976677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028048009413788,0.10084483768588992,0.2762187182534156,0.12864093625149434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720046643038,0.1090758530074506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987099509694894,0.0,0.0,0.11796152000192887,0.14115179210112982,0.3988494913060095,0.0,0.08677254140562647,0.0,0.12211352116381008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566954958857199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839098816726133,0.12445598193415686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459257732501129,0.0,0.0,0.13511851973224356,0.1282141929623352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197117940007533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622765079259403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160213783854513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729586279841837,0.13038935671192886,0.0,0.12141863386772762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629989855909005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293667279395249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806890898070956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271978500411332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014349520393978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660738703377756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24494413621912575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832202337459794 ptsd,rxdx1984,2019/10/19,"It's been ten years and still haven't really dealt with it much. I was involved in a traffic collision with a semi truck about ten years ago. I lost control of the car and hit the wall on my right, then saw a semi coming...oh great...was what I thought. Then bam I nailed it head on. I kinda hit it head on twice because I hit my head on the rear view and took it off the windshield. Bam smashed into the wall again and crushed the front of the car like a tin can. It was a 83 beamer sedan..I think 83 it was either 83 or 84. Supposedly I was saved because the car had some steel on it ( so I've been told, I don't know cars) and the truck driver had dropped his load of stuff off right before. I dunno how this is effecting me. I don't know where to start for treatment but I look stuff up, I am pretty sure I've made a lot of bad choices either from the head injury, or the experience... I can't bring myself to drive for example.. I dunno that's all I got to so far..",0.7916267942583737,2.38432098564594,2.5889952153110047,96.09296650717705,80.77033492822966,5.548325358851675,19.13397129186603,6.339386263674448,-0.2415894736842108,742,17,180,6,19,246,117,209,0.071,0.872,0.057,-0.431,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,3,7,5,0,0,17,0,15,4,4,4,2,29,31,13,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,13,8,0,1,5,0,0,8,4,2,0,3,15,3,20,3,23,13,6,33,0,1,3,0,3,16,0,7,9,113,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985916655709784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231738303749964,0.17860424321645058,0.0,0.12465663565881376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430683716876493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330042771156887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716560374996215,0.16151148857068698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6013854061491467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101987483550306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157016089829048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301908244537793,0.0,0.15991682932295526,0.12454499065294188,0.0,0.1386173118439036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769083688658466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903829673763627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938485841286194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502122214824792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369006516763253,0.0,0.11699126565986033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3354039384823361,0.0,0.0,0.1380700037532755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938682167293474,0.0,0.11630083477439368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998245312526567,0.16276157095834493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867622718288712 ptsd,Beautifile,2019/10/19,I hate my husband! My husband is storming around the house breaking things at the moment & I'm trying to pretend I'm not here. This is a very calculated display. But still my PSTD is making me feel like I'm about to have a heart attack.,2.8621428571428567,4.4633331224489785,4.1181122448979615,87.35635204081633,74.91836734693878,5.716326530612244,26.535714285714285,5.985473137389443,0.8850367346938781,189,7,38,1,4,62,36,49,0.17,0.78,0.05,-0.7177,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,4,0,4,1,1,1,0,5,10,1,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,5,10,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,24,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332133273512899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728833814296913,0.0,0.3487306807893229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499457990995674,0.2189904646554968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30264233712286104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36324843565827536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537031401408341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975874786089916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046161740791237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448012584571539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364990661955626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20811885359089435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25292555618793305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jaybeags,2019/10/22,It’s so easy to be taken advantage of I really don’t know what caring is about so I kinda latch on to the first person who shows kindness. It takes me awhile to realize that it’s so easy to take advantage because I’m kinda blind to the whole mistreatment thing. Now I’m sitting here frustrated because I don’t know if I’m at fault for being really upset realizing everything. I don’t know if someone genuinely cares about me or not.,4.582765151515151,5.50083598863637,6.355,75.62333333333336,69.79545454545455,10.412121212121212,29.43939393939393,10.504223727775694,3.23965303030303,349,13,66,10,6,121,56,88,0.11900000000000001,0.677,0.204,0.8012,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,7,8,1,1,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,11,17,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,1,6,5,11,14,1,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,5,2,43,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869698821217182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4799694476353479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21154359668597086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20021337906897865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451111566548096,0.38807466442551536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055239889548271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015798128831856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994359843053056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35395164496955744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156375443865254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26279240764884737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Aphex_1998,2019/10/22,"First Post Hi Reddit, I just needed to share this as a bit of an outlet, but also in the hopes of lifting the spirits of at least one person. I was attacked in Cambridge, England last December. It was a completely unproved, but racially charged attack. This was the third racist altercation in a single year. I am a transracial adoptee and have had my fair share of ups and downs over the last couple of years with my girlfriend and I having to go through terminating a pregnancy last year. Over this year or so I have dropped out of my dream University degree and have had some almost life ending episodes. Slowly but surely the fog is lifting and I hope that everyone here can experience that. I have had a very small experience with PTSD, but I've had enough to know that it can be hell on earth, so keep safe and look after yourself because, tomorrow could be the day!",5.778285870755753,6.785199993975907,5.862924424972622,79.90688389923329,67.13253012048193,8.68696604600219,31.35596933187295,8.841846274778883,2.4988626506024096,693,27,129,11,11,219,105,166,0.11900000000000001,0.743,0.138,0.14300000000000002,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,3,0,13,0,19,1,0,0,1,25,26,15,0,4,6,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,8,9,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,0,3,7,1,10,6,24,16,5,26,2,0,1,0,5,11,1,5,12,97,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116601705007532,0.0,0.0,0.12072376208833865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434807294528757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092024656870321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648107297295131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828013613726394,0.0,0.0,0.12053037913222248,0.16703589708203218,0.0,0.09735760221790443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13370697612389162,0.15598346140840794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442500691442908,0.0,0.2953383962674576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840767381892354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579483190172682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29987742803319195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418141195989844,0.0,0.0,0.08296442718374558,0.36916102293091213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662848807378472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12676953970033022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193595141254647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229533888316393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181365530314115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445792737096089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646577626359633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422793153248984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245589495310121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38885672038709296 ptsd,Benjo-Wookie,2019/10/22,"Apparently I have PTSD Who knew. Hey y’all, after talking with the mental health people and my local Va several times they’ve all said each time that they believe I have PTSD. I always thought it was a combat only thing. Not a normal job as a mechanic thing or a life thing. Anyway I’m rambling, idk how to feel about this discovery honestly, I’ve felt an increasingly powerful and prevalent sense of numbness and loss of purpose in life, and I don’t really have a group of friends or anyone to be around to help boost my spirits up and idk why I’m even typing this honestly, but I guess my main purpose of it is to ask, as I feel I’m lost in a dark stormy sea fighting to stay afloat, is anybody out there? What do I do",8.979549549549553,5.565626324324327,9.098918918918924,73.76184684684685,62.78378378378378,12.2990990990991,38.18018018018018,10.125756701596842,3.5714963963963964,568,20,118,9,6,189,97,148,0.096,0.821,0.083,-0.2144,3,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,1,1,3,6,7,1,0,8,0,10,4,0,1,1,22,22,11,0,1,4,0,3,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,6,4,12,3,19,15,4,11,1,2,0,0,11,6,0,3,3,75,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331243091651755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204299716742013,0.0,0.0,0.15332471746207932,0.16101547892997764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940486642701655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375888939183655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17417330471603487,0.0,0.16537158705353958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330675105868105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973509672977454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18307661840233427,0.0,0.0,0.11544477579180384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17091560390652066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24330784306724546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880136852949212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357129617035125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875268712989136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099166838186488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194053239405768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026645052696635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033746877320907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383391292901922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457532159854093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357845777366646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384351124839603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432737189421043,0.0,0.0,0.1367345053136987,0.2008619846067584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541433665449875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Snorumobiru,2019/10/22,"Small Victory My untreated PTSD is about to become treated PTSD! I finally got over my fear of hospitals for long enough to go to one and get prescribed some new antidepressants. It was terrifying - intrusive thoughts about being committed the whole time. Here's hoping things start to get a little easier now.",5.950000000000002,8.898937703703709,6.103481481481483,70.53966666666669,70.1111111111111,10.986666666666668,31.170370370370367,10.793553405168565,4.436130370370371,252,11,39,9,5,80,47,54,0.114,0.759,0.127,-0.1986,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,10,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,3,2,9,6,3,10,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,6,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494685713793757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333961597034889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541796913329284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474423418525488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23602771206505466,0.0,0.12837376544581575,0.0,0.18065821594835926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435147756290816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263927868223581,0.0,0.1998981806745624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21815793623705906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530632737299321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5280871975418081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988021727545318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006575271597247,0.0,0.0,0.17932482444664266,0.13171342538949665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521888314884554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sippingontheblues,2019/10/22,"Trauma therapy makes me unwell. I'm in trauma therapy at the moment for sexual assault, and the thought alone of unwrapping the heavy stuff has been making me ill all year. Every time my counsellor so much as mentions the topic, I completely break down and it can destroy me for weeks at a time, so... we're not actually getting very far... By now I've gotten to the stage where I don't even want to talk about it. I'm embarrassed and I'd rather just try to forget. Is it possible to recover from trauma without therapy?",3.923529411764704,5.570965813725493,5.578578431372549,77.77610294117648,72.23529411764707,9.41372549019608,28.43627450980393,9.827888789773867,2.941603921568628,411,16,76,11,8,140,75,102,0.239,0.7609999999999999,0.0,-0.9723,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,1,6,0,5,1,0,2,1,13,13,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,6,0,16,10,2,14,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,6,50,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.1866632040637108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811000250464744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20055507014487864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633966243533076,0.0,0.16116295919878024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993671713977123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25536384531728124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406139513695701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156412116176168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21897161568438256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374486753450733,0.0,0.0,0.6562413822506606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185618756431266,0.22307562483226487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298676191537132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15782731472192146,0.11282281651697955,0.0,0.1534345247390287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438859221274964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317904940059682 ptsd,1800lonelyaf,2019/10/22,"Lonliness I found I've isolated myself a lot, and only now after years of being afraid, I am starting to slowly find myself again. Narcissistic abuse destroyed the little part of me I had left. I was told I was unlikeable, and I believed I was too socially shy and awkward to ever recover and develop social skills. I never really got the chance to as a kid, I would isolate myself and daydream/ draw to cope. I have stopped using drugs and now I'm recovering from my mental breakdown. I'm glad now my old self is starting to become unrecognisable. These things take time I guess.",5.269818181818182,6.796221209090916,6.39977272727273,73.6696590909091,68.72727272727272,9.136363636363637,30.113636363636363,9.516144504307137,2.986727272727273,463,18,78,10,8,155,76,110,0.158,0.792,0.049,-0.8669,0,0,1,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,2,4,0,9,1,0,1,2,15,19,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,0,17,1,10,10,2,15,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,13,57,19,0,0.0,0.21777583568350395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20299535424468287,0.0,0.2070824082707948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21315247687080194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16625982977736267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679921002061774,0.0,0.0,0.2015298883329569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470036018600516,0.0,0.20247910961959031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970188874947706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842183314128079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626226156509546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852296286234522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417597727114837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928697417761559,0.0,0.0,0.13979003799871284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990401309941351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774854953007124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19174603063781767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747268813809452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601926259736511,0.0,0.0,0.1536670698844256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819656030853592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211017389540495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717668080546007,0.0,0.0,0.1756311080044815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874629407608004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056797975496942,0.0,0.0,0.11836274509556625 ptsd,prestheguy12,2019/10/22,"Why the opening lion King song gives me PTSD About 2 weekends ago my grandma took me to see the lion King in theaters ; and I had the idea to smoke in the bathroom before the movie. So do what I wanted to do and as I'm leaving the bathroom I'm greeted by the security guard, he asked me if I was smoking and I said no then he asked me if I was lying I said no, then he just says don't do it again and to go back to my movie. Long story short I was stoned and freaking out at the beginging of the movie thinking they were going to look for me and kina having a panic attack at the same time.",1.7423255813953489,2.7813584651162806,3.802240310077519,90.7787093023256,76.75193798449612,5.780155038759693,22.97751937984497,5.6839178017228535,0.22730635658914755,458,13,105,2,10,157,77,129,0.13,0.835,0.034,-0.91,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,5,4,1,1,11,0,10,0,0,0,0,16,24,12,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,8,0,2,2,2,0,3,3,3,0,0,8,6,15,1,16,16,1,18,0,0,2,0,10,7,0,2,8,71,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183910385150454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3835455984998798,0.2333697828577692,0.0,0.15773554858678407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17455410748670974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678343035060356,0.23316500256788625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315715588774859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172075138593423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815373244230849,0.1722610756065968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406808017988871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397909190076595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902592260478556,0.16313096066425828,0.0,0.0,0.16346540994919584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314417215414539,0.0,0.0,0.11961540998082518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279116599097781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099347441494206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18510172178394735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BrittaniaS,2019/10/22,"This is a pretty dumb thing that ruined my day but... I am so lonely. I have not spoken to anyone but my boyfriend in a month or so. I have PTSD from childhood abuse and abuse from my ex. I am genuinely so terrified of people and have recently been medicated to get my agoraphobia under control. I was in school for my dream course. I have had a lot of health issues and was hospitalized 3 times in 2 months. I had a field trip and it took all of me to go because I was so terrified of people and convinced all they will do is hurt you -- and had fainted from high blood pressure a few days prior. While there I told someone I thought was my friend to stay safe because she mentioned a guy's name who had raped my friend a year ago. She contacted him and he blew up my boyfriend's phone (not even mine) threatening to jump me and ruin my life, and that my boyfriend needed to be a man and shut me up. When I tried to speak to her about it she shoved me and screamed at me. I blacked out. Threw up. Fainted. Teacher had to get me back to the school nurse and my school counselor. I fainted in front of them. I could not see. I kept blacking out. It was one of the scariest experiences of my life. When the school finally allowed me to leave the officer at the school said I needed to get a restraining order for my own safety. My boyfriend took me to get one, while I was still light-headed and sick, and they refused me because ""He had not done anything to me yet."" I pulled out of school because I am just so scared and sick. I have not spoken to anyone but my boyfriend in a month. In my class group chat we were invited to a party for Halloween and my boyfriend told me that it would be a great way to test getting back around people. I tried to be positive and actually got pretty excited. The girl who started all this commented she would be there and asked if she could bring the guy who was threatening to hurt me. So now I can't go and I am so sick of being alone and so scared. I just want something to be okay.",3.6069366285380298,4.487851692493948,4.306995073891624,89.54900726392252,72.02663438256657,7.536745428738415,26.832178341821823,7.753152298057669,1.2740278700843284,1571,52,348,19,29,502,186,413,0.203,0.693,0.10300000000000001,-0.9952,2,3,1,0,2,0,40.0,1,1,3,1,22,18,2,3,19,1,40,12,1,2,3,56,63,37,0,8,12,1,0,0,2,3,10,3,0,4,13,25,0,5,1,2,0,10,6,11,0,2,25,6,66,7,52,27,6,53,0,5,3,1,37,18,1,3,22,250,79,8,0.0,0.19879072758727515,0.08186407056613705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436299810752722,0.0,0.0,0.08688424323501155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731500619024235,0.0,0.06903392732459063,0.0746794586435756,0.07842537719138944,0.0,0.0,0.1290117257795949,0.0,0.20455309166737146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940892302436144,0.1339579115523332,0.0,0.0,0.10820360112321832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584810504652557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554082369516048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206004795231599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189686895877387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962567051367982,0.0,0.21914405962103656,0.0,0.09535269519837024,0.0,0.06709411280639009,0.09248849224398037,0.0,0.16612762830032296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609484991515823,0.08917063718682022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863388401021029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961093296785294,0.0,0.0,0.08755886397107074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882688926609182,0.0,0.0,0.11850729813666094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131987020842694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450986603799826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20087944415931244,0.0,0.0,0.12440603262683585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369142001365698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17447529202031878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706916018651154,0.0,0.0,0.09806235995823326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283078075078858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979814427522984,0.0,0.1679760888531629,0.5094040389123495,0.0668490864353632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107931828552018,0.06458225116820382,0.0,0.0,0.0593774342178587,0.0894150667425857,0.06699427924509417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055732469670681135,0.0,0.0,0.06659890853703747,0.04891665388594907,0.0,0.0,0.16032006323195036,0.18640868741186314,0.11391095520922387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04948021255257101,0.06658759644757344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918541657125215,0.0,0.0,0.054022100622243406 ptsd,thief-of-dreams,2019/10/22,"I don’t think it’s ptsd but my friend does I’ve never been in a relationship and don’t really want to have one. However, I had a thing going with a guy. I actually wanted this relationship to be a fwb kinda thing but even though he said that was fine his actions said otherwise. He was nice enough but I would just be really stressed whenever we went out on dates or did anything romantic. Whenever we went out to eat I would barley touch my food or I would be sweating or shaking. I ultimately broke it off because like I said I wanted a fwb relationship but he would put of having sex. I’m the kind of person that once I end my relationship with people I don’t want anything to do with them. However I work at the coffee shop this guy frequents a lot and seeing him really stresses me out. The first time I saw him after our break I literally had to run away because I felt like I was going to collapse. Hearing his voice or even smelling the cologne he wears makes be extremely anxious. Every time I think about him I get really nervous. I don’t know why it’s this way since all we ever did was kiss and like I said I don’t have a problem with sexual activities (I’ve had sex with complete strangers). I don’t think it’s ptsd but more of an anxiety but my friend says otherwise. I don’t mean to make light of ptsd and I don’t personally feel like my case would fall under this category .I’d appreciate some feed back because I’m just really confused.",2.0679077353215334,4.263644094594596,4.017716682199442,84.4371621621622,79.33783783783784,7.596272134203169,24.05824790307549,8.53829466247534,1.7095660764212497,1156,41,237,26,29,392,147,296,0.10800000000000001,0.726,0.166,0.9592,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,4,0,1,2,8,17,0,5,12,0,31,8,2,2,3,53,58,15,0,10,12,0,3,4,2,5,0,7,0,4,12,15,3,0,7,1,1,9,9,7,0,2,18,14,40,10,27,31,5,30,0,1,2,3,30,9,0,8,14,151,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.08189313872754724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419804062898582,0.09480493092483576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811687955909285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788449519599024,0.06452876752697732,0.0,0.15346929303556373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879877974037226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343835161698654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587040216927062,0.0,0.0,0.07432759797761898,0.08671107781226622,0.0,0.11085582243704198,0.07590981820969389,0.07070563607652977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04243212342370832,0.05995197012873316,0.08057569561616415,0.0,0.0,0.07138172018796221,0.1014755598776199,0.0,0.12967169778654006,0.0,0.043844374587664166,0.0,0.09538655287873912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16618661662915551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458315875272133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738904503106865,0.04611985678625339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639949390928469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134519435227461,0.0,0.0,0.11203357895555184,0.0,0.0,0.0914127277818524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647237434946624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937132378111326,0.05686589468934584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05817908147468229,0.14655020498338314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029944383845028,0.2942915393459116,0.08436208282236267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26880428667742595,0.0,0.0,0.360391721821687,0.0,0.0,0.31930591548353265,0.06673600169060677,0.0,0.0,0.0668728231005594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941891845814292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225856668074345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150451813125076,0.1613163114215995,0.08245029365111199,0.0,0.0978680462641566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19799112762479046,0.06661124026332886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15558807782317555,0.07572412231012039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06109425541856998,0.0,0.0,0.2980693418391861,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,caviabella,2019/10/22,"I witnessed something yesterday and it brought back bad memories. I just want to talk about it with people who get it. CW: Domestic Violence. I guess I should mention my PTSD comes from child abuse/domestic violence. My dad was abusive. Yesterday I was out with my mom and we witnessed a man beat a woman. He grabbed a child out of her arms and was beating her while holding the child. We called 911. We stayed and made a statement. Eventually the police let us go. They let the man walk away too though...My sister works in one of the stores there and said the woman and child were there for 2 hours after we left and we were there about an hour. It just bought back a lot of emotions. It reminded me of what me and my mom went through. My heart broke for that woman. And that baby...Oh my gosh. I know what growing up with a violent father is like. I know how it effects you for the rest of your life. That poor baby doesn't deserve this. In addition to that, I'm scared the police are going to call me. I'm scared I'll have to go to court. I still remember the court process with my father. In some ways that was worse than the actual abuse. I'm scared. At the end of the day I'm glad we called 911. I hope the woman decides to leave. I hope that's the last time either one of them see that monster again. But I'm still really worked up over it. Thanks for reading all this, guys.",0.9310372340425525,3.256099776595743,2.115669326241136,95.59031250000002,84.92198581560285,5.510815602836879,19.80540780141844,6.9077264865688965,0.2250812056737588,1075,31,238,14,32,341,152,282,0.155,0.787,0.057999999999999996,-0.9844,0,0,1,0,4,0,38.0,7,2,2,5,14,11,1,3,20,0,13,3,2,3,1,44,36,12,0,4,4,6,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,11,19,23,0,1,6,1,3,8,1,6,0,2,11,3,33,5,37,22,5,36,0,1,1,0,38,11,0,5,16,152,52,3,0.0,0.2579888896414638,0.10624248385838723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022879775530877,0.1674303036593807,0.0909028167614767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33350868148497753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378280822161944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021284958256233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224653282062259,0.09642747550123597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056880653639473824,0.0,0.18562185664128897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993378535869215,0.10779950072156587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901277174781314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21626712519659844,0.21443219629089566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966541315423855,0.08874447324198864,0.0,0.11527876984102953,0.11828876325070467,0.22265614172335696,0.07689887408673111,0.053188917716888516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255831168668237,0.0,0.10301646246512457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550170212455385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754774313207045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547750911140169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726448395405726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890055704669924,0.0,0.06974561124932248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332972746327192,0.0,0.10356134255797997,0.0,0.326996876379842,0.0,0.0867561671126433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083814287877769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604210149092327,0.17388919417465196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750646218292532,0.0,0.10023387696671156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696529805128784,0.0,0.06348361100228507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095852231924612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421499257331831,0.08641680766453914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092459578134257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15851890759107587,0.0,0.11094894690473577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nat-rivers,2019/10/22,"Sometimes I fantasize about physically hurting the abuser and making him suffer 8 years after everything that happened, I live a normal life, but I wonder who I would be if I wasn't abused. I had my life destroyed at the time. I wished that person would be punished for what he did.",7.195,7.054837388888894,7.381851851851858,74.19833333333334,64.0,9.422222222222222,32.814814814814824,8.841846274778883,2.7694148148148146,225,8,39,3,3,73,43,54,0.261,0.6759999999999999,0.063,-0.8792,0,0,0,0,2,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,3,0,7,2,0,1,0,9,11,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,9,0,4,4,0,4,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,30,13,0,0.0,0.5360183379449847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20329333545461525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20002728414519733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421510171391396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195424945244273,0.0,0.0,0.19973811626732585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15098978181120432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22162727647165192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19750849415965888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371688062914888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318986244077457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601180189669092,0.0,0.2453034798032067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213709697287341,0.0,0.0,0.14566492582064075 ptsd,whoooodatt,2019/10/22,"Is self care depleting for you? I’m at the point where taking care of myself—even basics like brushing my teeth and showering—take massive amounts of energy and planning—I have to have a morning checklist I follow or I won’t do it. Has anyone else been here, and does self care ever turn from something you have to force yourself to do into something that comes naturally and is even enjoyable? The only self care thing that I enjoy is taking a bath since it makes my muscles less sore.",5.944822695035462,6.7057727021276605,6.0859574468085125,79.33333333333334,66.65957446808511,8.394326241134753,30.56028368794326,8.344100000000001,2.270317730496453,390,14,70,5,6,124,65,94,0.022000000000000002,0.742,0.23600000000000002,0.9668,1,0,2,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,0,4,0,11,2,1,1,1,9,22,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,5,6,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,7,7,9,20,2,7,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081093573772833,0.15841980686761026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6305550896629816,0.0,0.0,0.13318584381966772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353033198199099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915974354312934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424152322107508,0.13985676672407432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553634853030151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320571493114736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759053741914395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615973737241966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838868158308154,0.0,0.0,0.12789788875819233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380580591864143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325002271808168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271834229587952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817509464717267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,foxyfreighttrain,2019/10/22,"Therapy goals If you’re in therapy, can you please share with me what some of your goals are? I’ve been struggling lately and want to figure out how to best utilize my time in therapy and tackle some big issues.",4.522142857142857,5.745219309523812,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,70.19047619047619,8.457142857142857,25.904761904761905,8.841846274778883,1.8227047619047616,169,5,33,3,3,54,34,42,0.059000000000000004,0.732,0.209,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,3,1,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,10,4,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,7,3,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,3,2,22,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245863345352526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445283863250079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2642790541525644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571700695117468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449212593223563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8037618637514949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661107392967214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818494189801478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Boulangerie_3,2019/10/22,"Suggestions for PTSD symptoms I have been getting some nightmares again. I also feel on edge and feel shaky inside during these periods. I do take an antidepressant and anti anxiety medication, but they don’t seem to touch it when I have a full blown PTSD attack. What do you do? Any suggestions? Thanks!",4.048606060606058,7.056649890909097,4.504999999999999,79.09083333333334,77.36363636363636,8.03030303030303,25.53030303030303,8.841846274778883,2.45330303030303,244,9,41,6,6,77,44,55,0.162,0.7709999999999999,0.067,-0.5271,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,1,0,3,3,1,1,2,0,7,2,0,0,0,8,13,5,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,6,1,3,12,2,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,3,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131234077921268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181232075889774,0.0,0.2038750747462712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031871369215454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695051827094431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392375072305187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684750639342996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6230585751371893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426155230125311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27700003034732856,0.20037808117910186,0.0,0.0,0.24536137115010345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,peachbreath,2019/10/22,"trauma feelings i just want to move on. i just want to move past the shit that’s happened to me and realize i can overcome it but the realization that my entire fucking life up to this point has been marred by endless trauma and how /different/ id be as a person if i would have just had a normal life is just really fucking me up. i wouldn’t be so anxious. i wouldn’t be so terrified of people touching me. i wouldn’t jump at the sound of a pen dropping or lapse into a flashback at the slightest fucking trigger. i hate feeling so weak and fragile, like as if my entire character has been built on trauma. it’s just, i know ill be fine. i know i can live my life and coexist with my trauma and learn to cope with it in time. but man. it’s hard to stop living in the past when you spend your entire present resenting that it isn’t different.",3.1718549450549465,4.311118422857145,4.696571428571428,85.36696703296704,73.34285714285714,7.441758241758242,27.17582417582417,7.882392219407189,1.5523406593406586,664,24,139,9,13,223,94,175,0.23399999999999999,0.708,0.057999999999999996,-0.9901,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,0,10,13,6,0,9,0,18,9,1,2,0,34,29,17,0,9,10,0,5,1,0,4,5,1,0,2,9,8,0,1,6,0,1,3,4,11,0,0,3,6,20,2,22,18,0,20,0,0,0,3,4,10,4,3,7,98,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508790477980868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238507701989652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567292231140498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298408754521508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705191702417632,0.0,0.13883530071734373,0.1530147002761072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17035040297328155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3284095339724055,0.07571739676447807,0.0,0.2737075779858514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294471159682652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185149983458554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958996972952844,0.10744645218392736,0.13532612747714254,0.0,0.0,0.1465100582824696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928677525749294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908893897505125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957363715292292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037246796197823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282726100133126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100962492828483,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kdrophd,2019/10/22,"Panic attacks even after trigger removed Hi all, Has anyone suffered from panic attacks after the trigger was removed? It is almost as if my body is afraid to feel safe and has convinced my mind that panic and terror will keep me safer than living in the absence of the trigger. I don't know how else ton describe it other than a rebound panic attack in the absence of the trigger. Thoughts? Thanks.",6.166,7.3140749333333375,6.15066666666667,77.68200000000003,66.33333333333334,6.0,35.0,3.1291,2.0906000000000007,320,15,49,0,5,101,53,75,0.292,0.594,0.114,-0.9569,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,13,3,6,6,0,7,1,1,5,1,16,12,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,10,0,0,2,1,4,3,11,9,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422257896976435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769003381166516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5256388137661657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710746179940826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12865877188340685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017246660003053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787400766273431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689454684385102,0.0,0.0,0.08464195969910349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599701192870842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15551003916401807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7228080665493918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179521970590034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226975806561552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Palico82,2019/10/22,"Actually amazed. Didn't think there would actually be a sub Reddit for this, but holy crap. 37 years old, diagnosed with moderate PTSD ( 6 years ago) and don't really know how to function anymore on the most basic level. I really need some friends :(",4.388695652173912,6.679667217391309,5.568913043478261,75.61902173913045,72.47826086956522,9.817391304347826,26.71739130434783,10.125756701596842,3.057365217391305,196,7,35,6,4,65,42,46,0.14,0.732,0.128,-0.1542,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,4,2,1,1,0,10,7,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,4,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,4,18,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.5083457541764456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308834272127516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25830784542696844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26436296594653363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20123192867824866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314284288526885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312892103470616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27331055691174994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044655853572372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337166457656671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689322871398402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502439487418096,0.0,0.0,0.3354573660104526 ptsd,keybladekiddo,2019/10/22,"I can’t live like this I was diagnosed with PTSD last year due to sexual abuse that was happening for many years at the hands of multiple people. Things have only gotten worse because I am changing careers and am currently working 2 jobs. I am also long-distance with my boyfriend right now while he finishes up schooling. Needless to say life is stressful. Therapy is awesome, and I feel a lot more stable when I’m there. However, after I leave I deal with all the symptoms. I’ve had a lot of suicidal ideation, much more than I’ve had in my whole life and it really scares me. I’ve never felt like this before. It sounds so nice and tempting just to die. Like it would all stop and I wouldn’t have to deal with any of this anymore. I could just die and it would be so peaceful and it would be okay. I think of ways to do it all the time and just imagine it happening. Idk what to do at this point. I would honestly do it if I didn’t feel like it would shatter my amazing boyfriend into pieces. I just want my life to be over. I think the world would be so much better if I didn’t exist. Or like I wasn’t ever supposed to exist in the first place.",3.0592827004219387,4.3054184092827015,4.033607594936711,89.59488396624474,73.76793248945148,7.2919831223628675,25.824894514767927,7.793537801064563,1.2574793248945144,901,30,195,12,18,291,128,237,0.11900000000000001,0.723,0.157,0.823,3,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,0,3,12,12,0,2,7,1,30,6,1,0,5,43,40,17,3,11,7,0,4,5,0,7,5,2,0,0,16,13,0,1,6,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,9,6,21,10,26,19,11,27,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,5,20,137,37,4,0.0,0.1283992368797815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666244260833786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369445964802969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107472671005732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660605783535844,0.0,0.09221381641256332,0.0,0.0,0.09584334446120216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463975824435672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652362122764247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234468259564049,0.0,0.10999199044190172,0.22493928679871766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802572999054172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958898260479832,0.07741864985114312,0.1040509853475255,0.0,0.0,0.0921783952910589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916602386242585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753925335422487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883349872733293,0.0,0.1147468489561594,0.0,0.0,0.22963213873370866,0.2647174634070891,0.0,0.09569158325013112,0.09590292515833734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842624557044633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098688936990964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593269866379983,0.0,0.08358065337817704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241931041658715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751292397510529,0.0,0.1132222686896718,0.0,0.10244348762490764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266772584223246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942379009090183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254631225214524,0.0,0.08617917203148225,0.1084960142988937,0.10967495089546453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060111947124933,0.12413602607869502,0.0,0.0,0.11853781312547575,0.0,0.0,0.11263661500710115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392909916687378,0.0,0.0719953758607712,0.1388766263217009,0.0,0.0,0.06319068405150607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391869087163783,0.08601806204239239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098982867373133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788937337340263,0.0,0.11043700474839284,0.4618922639104187,0.0,0.0,0.13957183171923418 ptsd,lavenderxsage,2019/10/22,"My two states in life; complete numbness or complete insanity It seems I have two modes in my life. I either feel numb and completely devoid of any life. This blizzard emptiness where I feel like a complete shell. Then when I get passed that I begin to finally feel and the feelings overwhelm me leading me to want to self destruction, explode, scream, hurt myself. Make me wanna die. Make me want to do something stupid. I become manic and irrational. And as of four years I always retreat to the first state because it’s somewhat functional. Are these the two stated I’m doomed to be in.",3.651727272727271,6.310014536363639,3.971818181818183,84.3977272727273,76.36363636363637,6.1818181818181825,28.181818181818183,7.348242739294969,1.8027272727272727,469,20,81,6,11,146,75,110,0.28600000000000003,0.659,0.054000000000000006,-0.9843,0,0,1,0,0,3,13.0,0,0,0,2,2,9,2,1,4,0,4,5,0,3,0,18,16,8,1,3,2,0,4,1,0,0,5,1,0,1,5,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,8,0,5,0,5,14,1,13,15,2,15,1,3,0,0,1,4,0,3,7,55,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914732794434793,0.0,0.0,0.09737556267360463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728859697794136,0.15814446405710753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6005369205502644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14861082993238334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289608985395564,0.1022964904918384,0.0,0.1568599856925386,0.0,0.1217991576393462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481198096570983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329014304176147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30342252082359833,0.06995644468229391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116372522511146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303567425948638,0.14938062677899766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023630194387796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196337304038493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891686345792584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221104077536617 ptsd,SHThrowAway213,2019/03/12,"Is worrying about everything and anything part of PTSD or is it something else? I got diagnosed with PTSD at 16, the diagnosis BPD was added at 21 because CPTSD isn't in that manual of diagnosis yet, but the psychologist which diagnosed thinks CPTSD is a closer fit then BPD. I am on Risperdone for Psychosis. Now this has happened before but I've been worrying about pretty much what the title says. My job, the washing up, my health if I locked the door, my dog, etc. The most persistent one is I'm going to lose all my teeth. Im nervous all the time so my stutter has gotten worse too. Have you guys experienced this too?",3.8492561983471054,5.759308347107442,4.927347107438017,81.28738429752069,72.96694214876031,8.476363636363638,27.802479338842968,9.120678840339163,2.376467107438017,494,19,95,11,10,162,88,121,0.141,0.802,0.057999999999999996,-0.8713,1,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,7,3,0,1,8,0,11,5,1,0,2,10,17,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,4,2,9,0,12,13,6,12,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,3,4,64,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333916266777013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881253572308417,0.0,0.13793220185959712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40830979180991817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32904911690661337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354108449590121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807804711107282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14568190257440414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921231893762106,0.0,0.1296433970163762,0.0,0.0,0.16050104226936374,0.14334141970713454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723010236736174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750920604378979,0.0,0.16085578689338814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134454623620413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915959526234092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984079888438683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553473791227234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164910438355575,0.0,0.0,0.3789643213887827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289056609430154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478982250754728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386490658668213,0.0,0.0,0.09451978594230354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292337743442399,0.16519020494253472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,asbribri,2019/03/12,"We are not a statistic (I hope you don't mind me posting this -- \*\*\*TRIGGER WARNING\*\*\*) Putting this out to the universe in the hopes that the universe responds. . . . . . . . . . . Rape, sexual assault, and PTSD do not know fame, race, or gender. At any given time, over 13 MILLION Americans have PTSD. Meanwhile, over 14,000 military members report sexual assault every year. It’s estimated that 83% of military sexual assaults go unreported, meaning there could be upwards of 82,500 military sexual assaults happening PER YEAR. Since my own military sexual assault in the Marines, 3 months before 9/11, there have been approximately 1.4 MILLION other victims in the military alone. Over the past few weeks, I have had the privilege of joining and chatting with numerous social media groups formed to support PTSD and Military Sexual Trauma (MST) survivors. There are thousands in these groups, yet there are millions more suffering on their own. PTSD, after all, is an invisible condition. We fight the battle ourselves, unable to share what happened. The result is self-imposed isolation and a self-fulfilling prophecy. We feel alone, so we become alone. To show those that there is hope even though the battle wages on, and to help PTSD survivors and their families, I am sharing my story. My story is not unique. There are many like it, but this one is mine. I share this story to let others know they are supported, they are loved, they are not alone, and they too can thrive with PTSD. In my 17+ years of living with PTSD from MST, I have struggled and I have persisted. Some days are much easier than others. One thing I found helpful to me is keeping an active mind. The more occupied my mind, the less space there is for my trauma to rent in my head. In the constant effort to keep my mind stimulated, I have found myself doing some pretty interesting things. Some have led to joy, some have led to pain. After years on this journey, I have decided to write a book about my experience. This book is currently in pre-order sales and will be for the next 24 hours. The journey offers some parallels to The Alchemist and Forrest Gump, though this journey is true. Your support would go a long way to ensure this story gets told and the conversation around PTSD really gets started. [https://publishizer.com/relentless-1/](https://publishizer.com/relentless-1/) . Help me help the masses understand this condition so that the silent suffering of millions can end. Thank you for your time.",6.896293706293704,9.170672801864805,6.1485314685314725,74.13510489510492,65.73659673659675,9.022843822843825,31.181818181818183,9.496760409515344,3.1279006993006995,1988,78,312,41,33,606,224,429,0.111,0.746,0.14400000000000002,0.9752,3,5,0,0,1,0,111.0,4,4,6,2,16,32,10,1,25,0,40,4,1,5,2,58,66,17,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,23,20,0,2,8,4,3,8,5,16,0,7,6,1,37,16,47,54,14,49,0,2,0,2,32,19,0,9,21,224,60,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28181591546830465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04625972278178374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060557182812164524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512890160416616,0.05788475286024476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735114785933803,0.0,0.05431288527228942,0.0,0.0,0.04387086739224074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025046719844133,0.0,0.0,0.04493024983472764,0.0,0.05731447972335449,0.0,0.0,0.06654206411887105,0.06412845672101003,0.0,0.03439577397980983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917306070576636,0.0,0.0,0.07108110916555299,0.0,0.07732100231630495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12030958025059305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981386394860559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18238443241384475,0.0,0.0,0.20269423105334503,0.06699148734194924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092851090192015,0.0,0.0,0.07477015251679969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956075793596128,0.0,0.03323385918343274,0.0,0.06006782782373515,0.06020049204479719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061395736119443226,0.0,0.0,0.0689672546502938,0.0,0.07409979209067098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747457499217207,0.0,0.05429736388967053,0.0,0.0500066237593196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234596931550435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219177844875666,0.0,0.07238400652857822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493810730789222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514969555622706,0.0692064640424132,0.0,0.0,0.6361460424961312,0.06838449031289115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04357892437782095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419310182972364,0.0,0.0,0.056271457484379166,0.0,0.0,0.06934350567888056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04814885115878476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111509951984034,0.0,0.0,0.23158384453285946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06262880869755894,0.0,0.0,0.09038633690500626,0.0,0.1336695614628636,0.0,0.07933251809092025,0.0,0.0,0.06500135079936191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708170212256634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053995534037594835,0.05456601194677088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048323415775525305,0.0,0.0,0.17522495651137235 ptsd,sarcastronaut77,2019/03/12,"will it ever get better? 18f and a month into therapy for csa that occurred over a decade ago. i’ve been suffering for so long and feel so hopeless, will this hell ever end?",2.705047619047616,4.510564457142864,4.131428571428572,86.22190476190477,75.85714285714286,6.9523809523809526,23.095238095238088,7.793537801064563,1.1410952380952386,136,4,27,2,3,45,29,35,0.278,0.654,0.068,-0.8758,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,5,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,8,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,6,18,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29743566265162824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967575612964234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971885446792369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6070296636626772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965893357321699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530562308770906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969420396499447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678245548062337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3837188429637025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Reetuuw,2019/03/12,"Birth control http://amp.timeinc.net/health/depression/birth-control-mental-health Does anyone here have experience about being on the pill and how it affects your mood/brain?",18.405833333333334,25.32994925000001,7.66,52.01833333333333,56.5,6.666666666666668,26.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,2.4796666666666667,155,4,14,2,3,35,20,20,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,3,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27792430312874616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935506206118046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28634569175008473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5753869100860437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22447025782139107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509122314559488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5453080790275705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584978653062475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,flbreglass,2019/03/12,"An update and i hope this brings confidence to reader:) 20 F. I posted a little while ago, but long story short i was s assaulted (idk if it needs an NSFW tag). I took this year off from college. I see a therapist, EMDR, and an APRN. Finally found the right meds, I’m currently waiting on my medical marijuana card (for nightmares), and i have gone through most of my processing for EMDR. I haven’t been this content in years. My confidence is building back up, the triggers are fading. I know I’m not “cured” yet and i still have a ways to go, but I’m sick of being the victim of depression, anxiety, ptsd. Its too early in my life to give up. Im so thankful to everyone who has helped me conquer this. Your stories have inspired me to make myself better. Thank you :) - Z",0.882198142414861,3.3526154379084967,3.129611283109736,86.96746130030964,87.43137254901958,6.358307533539731,23.08531131750945,7.669130373188453,1.438197385620915,594,23,117,12,19,202,108,153,0.11,0.7120000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.9146,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,2,0,2,5,8,2,0,9,0,10,3,0,2,0,17,27,9,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,3,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,5,1,18,5,18,21,1,28,0,1,1,0,5,9,0,3,13,77,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452951043561667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198893656894804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427204162228513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415441189160562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15986313800399826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17735555442788092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332352440242216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350862375797613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17805125944673525,0.10548480197785637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440853817644568,0.0,0.0,0.18434974702172852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004875368324579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200481752453368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109979587750684,0.0,0.18602709209500615,0.0,0.16425645793719493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389419194150394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20616766499264472,0.1869796436408602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376253255263708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776031165641146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21696478741698547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850746388172576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790484171139434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822608349173874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417641926857401,0.0,0.2155041686453952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062163364935341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732629027089628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904979611578195 ptsd,farroness,2019/03/12,"PTSD and Survivor’s Guilt I’m a first responder. I’ve had PTSD from a young age due to trauma completely unrelated to the service. PTSD only worsened and paired itself with survivors guilt after a particularly gruesome fatal call. It’s only been a few months since that call, but it has haunted me since it was over. Comes with the job, I know, and believe me I love my job more than anything. Been having obscene nightmares recently mostly centered around death. There’s one in particular I had that sticks out to me the most that tipped me off that maybe the nightmares are related to the call. Destroyed a potential relationship with someone I really liked because the sleep medication I was on made me sound like a drunk idiot and I wouldn’t remember the next day spouting off and being fucking stupid. I’m off it now, but the damage is done, and makes me feel even lower. Not sure there’s any saving it. Anyway. Not sure why I’ve decided to write this out here. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to strangers than to the people in your everyday life. I feel like I’m losing the battle right now but I am definitely making an effort to stay in it.",3.6809276018099553,5.97221622171946,4.577418552036203,81.92603733031676,74.56561085972852,7.315927601809955,25.982126696832577,8.238735603445708,1.8243699547511318,919,33,168,16,20,297,133,221,0.23399999999999999,0.6729999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.9873,3,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,3,8,18,5,2,17,0,14,6,1,3,2,33,26,9,2,1,5,0,2,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,13,13,1,0,5,1,0,1,3,11,0,2,8,3,16,7,27,16,4,27,0,2,0,2,9,13,1,2,15,111,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312950983699333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059566754432137,0.10882228905761558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745182680531207,0.0,0.0,0.13772612911988455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744716628814706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053016191005084,0.12816957990706745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883669600970493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509714815969986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074042430460365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361958349355018,0.0873305055102526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039799308483187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301178966739545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2426148576777568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718161886182322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863439270148898,0.1791654331961322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675877668266376,0.0,0.0,0.1103291836348939,0.115669390768826,0.16319645648512204,0.0,0.12280963922769975,0.0,0.0,0.12314707735228825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975732878227838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300069392168575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283509814355954,0.1859427943092889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474798383433105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4286869779805839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831206943977208,0.0,0.1207003281685642,0.13124335689393013,0.13847761899406594,0.104394951960922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20224153527922534,0.0,0.12233139713597545,0.0,0.10357619432409412,0.0,0.12090156610807452,0.0,0.0,0.13029489522156193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304253776840685,0.0,0.0,0.09825438504511792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11030539724487863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,EFIRE23,2019/03/12,"Can you get PTSD from losing a loved one to suicide *Possible TW* So on Valentine’s Day, my 18 year old brother took his own life while I was out. When I got home that night, I saw that his door was closed but the light was on. Saw that our two dogs, who normally sleep with him, were in the living room. Didn’t think anything of it. Went to bed and had a thought of “well what if he killed himself?” Don’t know why I had that thought cross my mind. *TW* I found him the next morning when I heard his alarm going off (he’s got this alarm with a device that goes under your pillow. When it goes off, the device vibrates. I’m used to his alarms, but when it went off that morning, it sounded like it was hitting wood). I got up and saw that the dogs were whining, still in the living room. I opened his door... and found him. It was a clean scene. Blood on his face and on the carpet. He used a gun, and a hollow point type round. No exit wound. I remember closing the door. Rushing over to him. Checking his neck for a pulse. Nothing. Trying to check his left arm for a pulse. Couldn’t move it. Touching his face, getting his blood on my hands. Turning off his alarm. Seeing that his phone was ringing, my mom was calling him to make sure he was awake. Answering and telling her he was gone. Her anguished wail. I remember seeing a sticky note that had his phone code and just said “to my family, I’m sorry”. I remember leaving the room, in complete shock. Washing his blood off my hands. Calling my dad, who was out of town on a school trip. His pain. Calling 911. Watching as the fire department arrived first. My mom shortly after. Her screams as they let her see him there. The cops showing up shortly after. I can remember later that day, I was at my dads (I lived in a condo, my dad lived in another condo in the same complex). I remember him getting home after he was able to get the next flight back. I remember him going to the door of the spare room and him punching a hole through the door. *TW* This whole thing doesn’t seem real. My overall reaction feels different than my parents. I still cry. But, I’m also not sure how to feel. I feel like I’m staring off into space most of the time. I can hardly sleep, getting the bare minimum. Its like I’m afraid of reliving that moment. It’s like I’m afraid I’ll wake up and find another loved one gone. I still picture the moment I found him. I still feel like I have his blood on my hands. I feel like I’m in some sort of horrible dream. I can still hear my moms anguished wail when I told her. I can still hear my dads scream. *Note* I should note that I do have an appointment with a therapist i used to see a few years ago, and I am not a therapist so it’s pure speculation",0.5097146225783113,2.840091678635549,1.8461346767062388,96.63384951365258,87.33034111310594,4.905265414400172,20.162624936359496,6.402649217227678,0.07448532382968498,2103,66,467,22,67,670,245,557,0.11599999999999999,0.8109999999999999,0.073,-0.9777,2,0,0,1,0,1,86.0,1,2,1,2,19,26,1,8,35,0,32,20,14,5,3,65,87,26,2,4,7,9,12,6,0,1,4,8,17,0,28,19,0,0,22,2,2,12,7,15,1,4,37,30,82,11,60,46,6,85,0,2,10,2,66,43,0,5,36,284,110,2,0.0625914483670623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055483542425510506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005435864547228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126518212356675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150742886906042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04812896025473674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19173860077868665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562594276072578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875376696322771,0.08073261227085206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539474163288361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590056470242152,0.0,0.1582405847849147,0.13414602965937614,0.0,0.0,0.05720744986779944,0.053240254006166984,0.0,0.2058848773755656,0.0,0.0,0.16350724202513872,0.0,0.07114432505499033,0.0,0.15018029729029386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606964352350585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109022263517004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556865221384406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924816392356033,0.0,0.034398623114748894,0.0,0.0,0.06627530632902845,0.06800579179091942,0.06400399665569187,0.044210191030695484,0.18347412033581395,0.0,0.22107758254643528,0.0,0.0,0.07002382045030389,0.0,0.0,0.1129824517691487,0.0,0.041780277815576014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319952003450076,0.21991904353427147,0.0,0.06652480405467996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331334308457414,0.058737834231493126,0.061326329976906874,0.060058182808893835,0.0,0.0656791960463218,0.0,0.08482717058587448,0.0,0.06660171408778767,0.0,0.06950039621310662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916915005089856,0.07056245349593147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316605364970594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124277125365328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4254234571574056,0.0,0.0595388006945293,0.0,0.0,0.06334588734541363,0.1995091224256412,0.05698090382297598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12527330232503098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07006600200957237,0.0,0.0,0.2999136691116354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846488551041237,0.0,0.11798339869318285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054707684702573686,0.0,0.0,0.14534699157924152,0.04158297707389921,0.040106072781699184,0.0,0.09938123694163913,0.036497576889928315,0.0,0.0,0.059808811212320234,0.06954140217386508,0.04249548483065837,0.06808152223650847,0.0611427501614596,0.0,0.0,0.16217674489890724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627722901274898,0.11604579942630855,0.05647904667425972,0.06988111683233973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806136812142877 ptsd,louisebelcher21,2019/03/12,"Boundaries and Parents (Semi Rant and Seeking Advice) Hi all, I have PTSD and anxiety and have been working with my Therapist to not only set boundaries but also put myself first (I tend to put others before my needs and burn out). Boy is it hard. I had a rough month last month. Got hired on into a new job, Dad was diagnosed with cancer and had surgery. Fiancé went through issues that triggered his anxiety and on top of all of that I’m working on healing from my trauma and all the spin offs from it (I’m a assault survivor and the anniversary just happened). I’m going through some of the darker parts of what happened in therapy and it’s draining on me. Also add that my mom leans on me for support and I had to talk her down from anxiety in relation to my dad while trying to deal with my own pain and emotions from it. Rough month right? I finally hit a wall, I just needed a break. I had to be strong with all that was going on and it hit me hard. And yesterday I felt that straw break. In the middle of all the craziness that was happening at work yesterday, my mom calls me...my step grandmother has cancer (bone) and I just couldn’t. I didn’t want to hear it at that time. I had shut down. I couldn’t provide the logic my mom wanted to hear. She didn’t even listen to me when I asked her to stop. She just kept going on and on about what cancer it was and what may happen next and how everyone is upset. I actually snapped and yelled stop. I told her I could not process right now and that I need a break. I asked to let me had the night and we can talk about it the next day. Her response was to tell me that “I could just find out about it myself” and hung up on me. I’m angry, hurt and shutting down, please tell me others have felt this way too. ",1.5057969303423846,3.5052052782369176,2.855408107044472,93.0633719008265,80.2396694214876,5.8014639905549,21.11523022432113,6.868970318607317,0.3586896340023613,1368,39,299,15,35,443,168,363,0.163,0.7909999999999999,0.046,-0.9931,2,0,0,0,1,0,39.0,1,0,0,6,15,7,1,1,14,0,28,7,1,2,5,65,59,29,0,9,8,6,6,0,0,1,6,4,0,1,24,32,0,3,4,0,0,7,6,5,0,1,20,10,45,2,53,30,8,60,0,1,0,0,28,29,0,2,19,212,69,5,0.0,0.0,0.08793594090854366,0.0,0.0,0.08805603069531863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412445753207634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20680542454147546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16848439826506648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667835031772173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920140375816777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389358986224846,0.0,0.0,0.0581145391907669,0.09290112189594787,0.0,0.09146139595301013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136344213151532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059517874162958576,0.0,0.0,0.086105513134906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730425703169291,0.0987128734566203,0.08236038680855076,0.076648896671088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363752826693686,0.0,0.07207049317548107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187416266009094,0.0,0.16144462091860512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312468634750092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964663513478084,0.0,0.0,0.09405311799098598,0.08942187692036625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07345299612318203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214523517544697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31661291551896675,0.21577870253914908,0.0,0.0,0.20044986997504027,0.0,0.08703036267802132,0.19166945715887548,0.08456364964321375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853394646192201,0.09588511543616718,0.0,0.10005828836430848,0.09758210153324087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891549711283856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533565984448512,0.18117413119723366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539096596920903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067469601112238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225759681418757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485661118183574,0.1575230528162511,0.0,0.1030504890716416,0.10462653444253216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052544809411637326,0.0,0.0,0.086105513134906,0.0,0.06117987388631965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630033461748936,0.07152640842266969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353437314846973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968069944984908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SavorySausages,2019/03/12,"How has getting a pet helped you? Not speaking of service or ESA animals. I really want to get a dog, but I’m not sure if my mental state is stable enough to care for one. I’ve heard of people with depression or anxiety feeling better after getting a pet, not a service dog or ESA, just any ole pet, and it gives me hope, but when it’s been a rough week and I can barely function, it’s hard to imagine being able to take care of another living being. The only time I hear of folks with ptsd getting help with animals is a service dog which is on my list of wants, but isn’t affordable whatsoever.",5.2383972125435525,4.839679390243905,6.612450638792101,78.95121951219512,68.10569105691057,9.630197444831591,31.392566782810693,9.23628265651192,2.5884713124274104,467,17,95,8,7,160,79,123,0.081,0.727,0.193,0.9428,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,7,0,9,0,0,1,1,23,24,11,0,4,11,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,6,7,5,15,20,1,6,0,1,0,0,7,1,0,5,4,59,11,3,0.18500887065148172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581237626750966,0.19399793209867505,0.141531279656836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362531150483434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3772577476481117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593478691959674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19116361937146853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354604389596798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866379958234437,0.17747736691985885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573160865812145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851844325937635,0.0,0.24801509235613745,0.0,0.0,0.1837555532907992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336622230489614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864454270659185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536679882065016,0.14070758294945412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282618561204706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21626546930780247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852141996222194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436867109897292,0.0,0.13910364609187392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788016027880544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21824605064959285,0.0,0.14840295647357213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cutecemetery,2019/03/12,"My boyfriend has PTSD I’m laying next to my boyfriend as he sleeps and I’m just overcome with how much I fucking love this guy. He had a breakdown yesterday and he ended up getting angry and taking it out on me but I saw through it and knew it wasn’t him talking, it was the PTSD. I walked away and let him cool off and shortly after he came up behind me and we held each other and he apologized over and over again. We’re in this together, we’re a team. I won’t lie, sometimes it’s insanely hard but being in bed next to him and thinking about how we got through yesterday together makes it all worth it. We weren’t together during his deployments in Afghanistan so I don’t even know half of what he’s been through or what he’s had to do. What I do know that I love him, I’m here to support him and whenever he decides he’s ready or wants to talk more about his experiences then I’m all ears, never any pressure to do so, though. I guess I’m just writing this to let anyone out there struggling with this know that your partners love you, and partners of those with PTSD know that you’re not alone, and those struggling on their own right now, there is someone out there willing to take this journey with you.",2.608780952380954,4.292492320000001,3.2600571428571428,92.89326666666668,75.8,6.361904761904763,25.904761904761905,7.07126945348624,0.9584761904761908,960,35,210,10,21,301,128,250,0.044000000000000004,0.821,0.136,0.9765,1,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,3,3,1,1,16,9,1,3,3,1,17,6,2,3,3,49,43,24,0,1,7,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,3,21,25,0,1,7,1,1,3,6,4,0,1,11,4,26,5,36,27,6,29,0,0,1,4,34,16,1,3,10,144,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320022676817072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667201494813177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911769426545002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197457424346456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577161278062686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128850126985969,0.0,0.0,0.08418112022997842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246729212623256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117827706942749,0.06658862813757054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10193534188448623,0.0,0.1404032078288021,0.12619793212050226,0.0,0.0,0.11417233255695312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801780636334489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606574656778148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450923506695571,0.0,0.08507547887444769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093692192286117,0.0,0.09829916215637333,0.0,0.2710941854765994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4469551695476045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884366880796932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754446287468446,0.0,0.10799002039506284,0.0,0.12605370061148166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664818809095256,0.0,0.0,0.14463149386476476,0.0,0.0,0.19165671376843754,0.2048828519751552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816663633195008,0.12522135383160646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517473846949803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HueningKai,2019/03/12,"I get scared when people are nice to me So after 5 years of suffering with mental illnesses and well, abusive parents, i finally have therapy. Ive only done some intakes so far, but i cant help being scared. Scared because my therapist is a nice person, and i cant help being abosultely terrified due past expierences. I know they're not gonna hurt me but i still get panic attacks before an appointment. I haven't discussed this with my therapist herself because i know the feeling is irrational, im just not sure what to do. Sorry if this post is a bit of a mess, i dont mind explaining things a bit further if asked about it!",4.354444444444447,5.588315840000004,5.87466666666667,77.6817777777778,70.6,9.395555555555557,31.488888888888887,9.725611199111238,3.1546622222222207,500,22,93,12,9,170,84,125,0.327,0.584,0.08800000000000001,-0.9872,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,1,4,6,0,14,1,0,0,1,18,22,9,0,2,7,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,1,1,15,4,8,18,3,10,0,2,0,0,8,2,0,3,7,62,20,0,0.0,0.1687532932102298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315048275067104,0.16203183855304226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364495957211115,0.0,0.1211953090786164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109878751437241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457527784951503,0.1669239649301121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201562160152683,0.0,0.0,0.15602236040605666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488249766871967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19093229706699724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152471580554883,0.0,0.15384613669535455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654885434178756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14353341697534874,0.0,0.14381116975739988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083225289721749,0.0,0.1671079792008117,0.15814887949391654,0.0,0.13596316123456414,0.09874129264679052,0.12436219609283886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364061708681417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4277843114503483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943592140763524,0.0,0.0,0.11374278253387785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342362297115374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628782547093179,0.33073860162733737,0.09462249985012604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12805942403692885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917186379544348 ptsd,leeeturt,2019/03/12,"Flashbacks have started again I was sexually assaulted as a teenager (am now early-mid twenties) and have since done some therapy which really helped with my flashbacks but now they've come back after becoming virtually non-existent for just under a year and I'm just at a loss, has anyone experienced this? What do I do? Any coping strategies? The thought of therapy makes me so anxious but I don't know what other option I've really got",3.5164092140921426,6.407264109756103,5.087723577235773,74.81405149051494,78.63414634146342,8.52249322493225,28.62330623306233,9.150863307647796,3.2259387533875348,355,16,58,10,9,119,64,82,0.12,0.88,0.0,-0.8448,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,1,0,4,0,9,0,0,1,0,13,16,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,1,5,0,7,12,1,10,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,7,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660724629301458,0.0,0.0,0.2758899291104094,0.0,0.17075863513933492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778387289490764,0.0,0.0,0.2697128511879802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036692347693048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499135570648291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953185615508524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636900854008749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342124707567126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16301333619734498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128967865808829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020146030961471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728544361780125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.558555170243582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387696583525066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726445352873136 ptsd,jackielewisss,2019/03/12,"nightmares and fear of sleeping lately my nightmares have been worse. my therapist says it’s because we’re at the height of the therapy and recounting my trauma in detail each session. This last week she said we need to stop what we’re doing because my ptsd has become so severe. now we’re working on lowering the symptoms, but i only have one session a week. so in between those times i have a very very hard time dealing with everything and balancing my already minimized school load. my nightmares have been at least 3-5 times a week for the past few months. they normally happen about and hour or two after i fall asleep i know that because i always wake up sweating or breathing heavy or about to cry and i check the time. i try to stay awake until i’m actually tired to avoid waking up multiple times in the night. i use melatonin and i meditate every night to get to sleep. some people have recommended CBD oil or gummies for sleeping sound. has anyone tried them? i am always so exhausted by the end of the day because i’m always looking around to make sure no one who was apart of my trauma is around me. i’m so tired mentally and physically. i need advice on balancing ptsd symptoms and sleep before i lose my mind. 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Please help. Has anybody tried the non FDA approved ketamine treatment which is supposed to help with PTSD? I’ve been reading up about it, but I am too scared to bring it up to my parents and psychologist because I have had an addiction in the past (Xanax) and I don’t want them to see it as drug seeking behavior. I am genuinely interested in this treatment because from what I’ve read it is extremely effective. I’m looking for real feedback, as well as any information anybody has. I only want to bring it up to my psychiatrist if it’s worth it. So what I’m asking is does it really help? I am 18, but I know it’s not covered by health insurance and I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to pay for it on my own, so I will have to ask my parents for help. ",2.6218461538461533,4.138663300000005,4.476250000000004,84.89144230769233,75.375,7.6730769230769225,29.18269230769231,8.384062270229773,2.085846153846154,608,27,128,11,13,207,92,160,0.043,0.758,0.19899999999999998,0.9713,2,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,2,5,4,0,1,3,0,16,4,0,1,1,16,28,11,0,4,4,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,14,4,0,0,3,2,2,2,3,1,1,0,2,2,14,3,25,23,1,9,0,0,2,0,10,6,0,1,1,84,28,4,0.15239904280411387,0.0,0.0,0.166137451600077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363657509265443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849450653265745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858020839532264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13336542935690635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767345061588942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199305600024874,0.0,0.0,0.4085994638305904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375452834585433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797681327573127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159063394164096,0.0,0.0,0.3384422036463966,0.0,0.14548213066766075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672883844252797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562926512445862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048805682989123,0.17346347510761045,0.09763072922083348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257802807489115,0.0,0.12144230594429176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363429427428914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346894632809144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797778079378256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702504187016287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kea5223,2019/03/12,"Fuck sex abuse, but fuck acting like you're A-OKAY I only realized and recovered memories of the sexual abuse (6th grade teacher) in 2016. Been in therapy for about 2 years and constantly recovering repressed memories. It is so fucking difficult to go to therapy every Tuesday afternoon and go to my night job (bartending) 2 hours later and act like nothing is wrong. It is hard to hide therapy/healing when my regulars ask me, ""What's new with you?"" And I can't tell them I am safely recovering from abuse -- Not because I'm ashamed, but because saying, ""I am coping with childhood sex abuse"" is such a DOWNER. Fuck the fact that because I don't have PROOF, 12 YEARS AFTER I WAS ABUSED, I can't take my pedophile abuser to court. It makes legal sense, I know. But he raped me in his classroom, on my own desk, and there will NEVER be justice. Never. I will never have evidence he abused me. And even if he went to jail for decades, it will never make up what he took from me. I am strong, smart, and determined. I can cope with my torture. But hiding it to not make other people sad and not being able to prosecute my pedophile abuser is what destroys me the most.",4.1612623633524235,5.623093340707968,5.258422696512234,81.04058563248309,71.34513274336283,8.503487766788131,28.78084331077564,9.007467420416297,2.408882665278501,909,35,172,18,17,300,132,226,0.312,0.586,0.102,-0.997,1,0,0,0,8,0,38.0,0,1,1,1,6,17,7,2,4,0,21,7,0,3,6,34,36,16,0,1,8,0,1,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,10,12,0,2,2,0,0,6,10,12,0,0,4,2,25,5,23,27,2,27,0,1,0,7,10,5,4,2,18,111,35,5,0.08281166638016964,0.7849462655728321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774177293122177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15144366958575978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948999197350739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054696324628675484,0.0,0.06977240056317706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062322046362101,0.0,0.0,0.09412755679890206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07418298720767456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155281024457879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217780083257409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04551112613036781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091519442902045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583229105567368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554778491587287,0.07998002342212336,0.0,0.077713139081661,0.0,0.07946002733476586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298200391872355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057411182506803014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585516092241918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062264067078846276,0.0,0.07238104648821496,0.0,0.18940471522802454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200680838473473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767672443890004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905415571935372,0.0,0.10665599612339287 ptsd,HaleysHellhole,2019/03/12,"Dark Rooms I'm lying down in a dark room, trying to think this isn't my tomb. Searching for a night light that isn't here, trying not to think of what happened past years. Slowly it creeps back into my mind. Here to stay to strangle and bind. Its just not something someone should see. It's ingrained in my mind and cannot flee. A small mistake has ended two lives. I can't help to think I had known him since five. To remember him now just brings back the pain. If only the driver could just have stayed in their lane. Over the bridge and the car torn apart. My friends did not make it, no beating heart. In the backseat I was pinned to cold steel. To see what I have seen there is no way to heal. Years have past and my body is whole, but my mind still remembers and it's taken its toll. To close my eyes and feel trapped again. To see my friends in that car that weekend.",1.1263421052631557,3.321530505555561,1.4125146198830407,101.80921052631581,82.83333333333333,4.23391812865497,17.807017543859647,4.9825596385082,-0.8836666666666662,681,15,159,2,19,203,108,180,0.078,0.863,0.059000000000000004,-0.5382,0,1,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,11,4,0,0,8,0,15,5,3,1,0,30,28,8,1,4,8,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,2,0,12,8,0,0,7,1,0,4,9,2,0,2,5,8,15,2,21,21,1,32,0,0,5,0,6,13,0,1,12,98,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207385083265939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978970599581976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076680141806376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943847439129755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818501101619097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20837199340166115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924880741970376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597997723621209,0.09038817196423284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907641631452218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900144772274043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4084849637936775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654907334882912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256070373365796,0.1434915895610974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574621850206555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30552110627678736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32237775146890874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155062103622797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425930667970532,0.1038153350409494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874676848106086,0.1076926465065775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592223434481087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831107427500511,0.0,0.1317303995996346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703890790012904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505569739745758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367999331913225 ptsd,EasilyDecayed,2019/03/12,"EMDR with no specific memories? i am fairly positive i was sexually abused by my dad. i do not have any specific memories of it though. i have had some nightmares about it and display many symptoms congruent with victims of CSA, including meeting criteria for PTSD. would EMDR be a waste of time without specific memories? ",4.8042105263157895,7.90511845614035,6.539561403508773,65.09776315789476,74.96491228070175,11.519298245614035,39.324561403508774,10.864195022040775,6.193224561403509,260,17,37,11,6,89,44,57,0.17800000000000002,0.763,0.057999999999999996,-0.7476,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,0,7,8,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,9,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,30,7,0,0.0,0.4168219453863731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2392340389331883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35666696408783144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4112318933892367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656518070504887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3456387884341301,0.0,0.2051356728958252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33911977578292074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24990651123354826,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Peach_tree,2019/03/12,"Need some advice. My partner has PTSD and is struggling immensely. Long story short, I love this woman immensely. Been with her 12 years. I had a little work-related stress breakdown a few months ago and that triggered her. I wasn’t there to take care of her for a while. I’m getting better, slowly. She’s been struggling with her PTSD from childhood sexual abuse and flashbacks to the point she doesn’t know if she even wants to continue our relationship. We had our first couples’ counseling session and she admitted that as much as she’d love to say, “Yes, I’d love you to,” when I ask if I can kiss her (trying to respect her boundaries), she can’t get herself out of her stuck place. So what I would like to do is make a little board for her (and say she doesn’t have to use it if she doesn’t want) that has two columns: Today I’m Okay With... and Today I Am Not Okay With... and have little magnets with things on it that she can move around like “hugs,” “kisses (I initiate),” “kisses (you initiate),” “snuggles,” “hand-holding,” “saying I love you,” those kinds of things. I’m thinking of preparing this and showing her and saying she doesn’t have to do this but I thought it would help her feel safe in her boundaries. She can do any of the things on the board at any time, this would just be for me to know how she’s feeling (if she knows that day.) And I want to let her know it’s okay, it’s not her fault and wherever she is (friends, lovers, in-between), I’ll meet her there. Please advise; I am terrified of doing the wrong thing with her. Thank you!",2.7698367548849845,4.469908131832799,3.3791800643086845,92.14034071234234,75.39871382636656,6.4566411080880535,23.537101162503088,7.1686216300943375,0.7119145683898096,1203,36,259,13,26,377,155,311,0.06,0.753,0.187,0.9852,0,0,0,0,1,0,55.0,3,4,0,2,8,26,0,3,8,4,33,9,0,4,0,50,62,22,0,11,8,0,2,2,3,3,0,4,0,2,20,20,0,1,9,1,0,1,8,5,0,2,7,7,51,21,35,49,3,26,0,0,1,9,55,12,0,5,15,177,71,2,0.0,0.11874848421820455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793726519395678,0.08884210460282375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631086276122825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922018268953058,0.0936954633523317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863956012314249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218455964127568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108954201759306,0.0,0.06463588003465748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619669067127408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013520476256364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525007612567327,0.0,0.0,0.07743244403846736,0.0,0.10472530674348296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717771379062909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436737475408787,0.2203209052166437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248534100932437,0.0,0.09792830016618198,0.3013508943977134,0.0,0.08869466261164162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618225642976631,0.0,0.06689997880019621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999745861399606,0.1065217421624256,0.0736758201142224,0.07431447120968684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10471224840092433,0.11001532996702697,0.09474362285247934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23431186645841426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10760255440559724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188070676619373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480570517345295,0.20955077090771665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535561514114948,0.0,0.0,0.09227235307421564,0.0,0.0,0.2663362170038792,0.06421918568130064,0.0,0.0795662809361967,0.058441141319660064,0.0,0.1900003589660007,0.0,0.0,0.06804519220346669,0.0,0.09790381738587653,0.0,0.0,0.08656094344731638,0.0,0.0,0.17734328891671594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296391725444495,0.0,0.0,0.21358774220298332,0.109578687327262,0.0,0.0645406618410643 ptsd,ChurroLoco,2019/03/12,"Trouble Finding PTSD Counseler I have been out of the Army for over ten years. Despite having served nearly two consecutive years in Iraq I feel I got out as good as can be. I used my benefits to go to college, got good job, got married, and had a kid. However slowly over the past few years the nightmares that I once thought were gone have started coming back. I feel more empty or misunderstood everyday. Even on good days people will look at me with a concerned look and ask me if I’m alright. My wife knows what is going on but it is rough. I have accept d it is time to look for some help, but I’m having the hardest time finding a therapist in Austin, TX. I emailed a few therapists from the Blue across Blue Shield website hoping to find someone in- rework to reduce costs, and I got no response. I message 5 therapists on psychologytoday.com and got no response. I keep browsing for more therapists but so many only have time slots from 9-5 Monday through Thursday. Don’t most people work during that time? How can anybody schedule regular appointments during work hours? I’m just really frustrated. I’m going to keep looking, but this is starting to get even more frustrating. Does anybody have any suggestions? ",4.2658260869565225,6.526279800000005,4.850652173913044,80.76858695652177,72.73913043478261,7.556521739130435,29.76086956521739,8.395991825355821,2.4010608695652174,974,42,172,17,20,311,141,230,0.085,0.81,0.105,0.5472,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,6,10,2,0,9,1,19,0,0,2,0,30,49,14,0,2,7,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,2,8,0,1,5,3,3,0,2,10,9,15,7,30,37,7,35,0,0,6,0,7,13,0,5,17,106,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699232735953607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209650684990298,0.0,0.0,0.07575053963707794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486036489452711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353283878832752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08620953069835874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301340269362398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962242796437193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701177321810353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051469060426068886,0.0,0.1679618981951976,0.2478844955259651,0.39394986935047177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603129497331771,0.0,0.0,0.09784579661714043,0.09701561921338064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977591110527796,0.17512604707248272,0.0,0.0,0.05414025671701984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309049748791122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987688258348906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491330090364838,0.0,0.07492369779961945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404195877697932,0.13659324317496835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151566129362862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311005324582439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346988127827028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945624421619196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4575254893718498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820844547944045,0.2297752646410613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623304337163127,0.0,0.0,0.08508374083334362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343750838716604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190317736612002 ptsd,hmmmdying,2019/03/12,"My SO always makes my moments about him. Every time I’m having a bad day it’s, “Hey are we okay?” Or “you know, this is really weighing down on me.” Like I cannot have a moment that’s just me dealing with my problems, because they have to either be an “us” problem or even worse—a problem that is hurting him SO BAD. It’s like he doesn’t realize that his pain is only a reflection of what I deal with. Anyone else have this experience? Is this normal?",1.229243498817965,3.134330340425536,3.4216312056737586,89.13388888888889,80.70212765957447,5.879905437352246,22.14657210401891,6.937597516519254,0.6382260047281325,348,11,74,4,9,119,67,94,0.22699999999999998,0.698,0.076,-0.9483,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,1,1,0,5,10,0,0,4,1,12,2,0,1,0,15,15,4,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,14,3,7,14,1,6,0,1,0,0,11,2,0,2,6,53,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550053735329035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025592144753054,0.1908726350769744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31108305805071346,0.11355858174216585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120139445293045,0.38410660764402943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556185497470378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304054177366935,0.0,0.1569544941899447,0.0,0.0,0.18222403948432814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994236571734012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237824303233913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202044521011454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434775141705295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825213146966109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14167935298688036,0.19822207559018065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.534753350260069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933996550396345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862521399370964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407984181485935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,brinkleycf,2019/03/12,"Dating a man who was abused as a child and has PTSD from war...need advice. Hi all! So I'm new-ish to the Reddit scene. I'm going to give you some background to the story first and then ask for your input. I'm hoping a few of you might be able to steer me in the right direction as far as how to be supportive. &#x200B; I have been seeing/talking to a guy I used to work with since December. He is two years younger than me. Divorced and has 4 children. His mother is currently suffering from terminal cancer. So right off the bat, he has a LOT on his plate. &#x200B; He is also a veteran. He was involved in a very bad accident while at war and was medically discharged from the army about three years ago. I feel that I should also mention that he was horribly abused as a child and it did not stop until he was adopted at age 14. &#x200B; We began talking in early December and hit it off right away. We have a lot in common. I noticed a few things- first, he shakes whenever we touch. More so when he hugs me. I've been doing some research and read that this could be a tension release thing for PTSD? Has anyone heard of this? Second, he does not like to communicate via phone number, only via Instagram messenger. I have his number and rarely use it. Initially, I thought this was weird. And this may have nothing to do with his PTSD, but I felt it was worth a mention. Every once in a while we have a weird encounter. Like, he will call me at 4am and tell me he is on my way to my house because he needs someone to talk to. Or I'll FaceTime him and he's sitting in the dark. Sometimes he has to cancel our plans because he has life stuff going on, but it's SO unbelievable that it almost has to be true. I also think some of this may come from anxiety. Trust me, I get the life stuff. I don't know how he does it sometimes. We talk pretty much all day, so I'm not worried that there's someone else, I'm just looking for advice on how I can get him to open up or how I can be more supportive. I care very much about this man and want him to feel comfortable being with me and around me. I want to ask him more about his past but also don't want to trigger anything. Can anyone help? If you need more information, I'm happy to give it. Just let me know!",2.4161059364829995,3.8670448699360382,3.791011670968469,89.86554567388625,75.78038379530915,6.727886881382562,24.06918415441589,7.3759095455046575,0.8986639658848619,1760,55,384,21,38,579,217,469,0.062,0.813,0.125,0.9862,1,0,0,0,3,0,66.0,6,4,0,4,21,18,1,2,21,0,46,5,0,7,3,71,83,41,1,9,11,1,4,2,0,5,4,1,0,6,24,24,0,1,8,1,1,4,5,7,0,5,14,6,45,11,59,55,15,48,0,1,1,1,61,23,0,13,21,257,69,3,0.07404651851212908,0.1754660325211241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471480181570442,0.06563777094972961,0.0,0.07414689229245876,0.0,0.0,0.2368598964075173,0.0,0.2406881156147496,0.26992387436270865,0.0,0.0,0.056645383987545,0.0,0.0,0.10355009482198102,0.0,0.06093397556321894,0.06591710024935975,0.138446998527175,0.0,0.06956914160448209,0.0,0.06182575003248327,0.09027614082011384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560977429796402,0.0,0.07549536056488082,0.0,0.0,0.06378451917137237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059120119811886425,0.0,0.0,0.04775387872468527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295972146812938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06185636477515561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062387385446625185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488028921735118,0.0,0.07109626981637784,0.0,0.0,0.12596786163947096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773724995304808,0.14206433549741798,0.0841646857462634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331769490406452,0.0,0.07882389584557832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496318205250583,0.0,0.0,0.07354490047174778,0.0,0.08543974068711789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138806018102539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571758198376984,0.10460249168165403,0.07235077742181177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218042645796015,0.0,0.0,0.12590340422090435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459407731212732,0.0,0.07855165466707797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886542201606304,0.10980911047342892,0.0,0.07151458899207631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104963155803568,0.0843024521030792,0.0,0.07885712559848178,0.0,0.05631571399238877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07068578045803928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533192953076218,0.0,0.0,0.2596692529430274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406655655164142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897059666781642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125204528884234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547874969058428,0.0,0.14646780034614287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061906205059758364,0.0,0.0,0.16953109644409212,0.0,0.16805422343324056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23806314699111664,0.06471992091201663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983864333553984,0.04744601919519803,0.0,0.05878466462225077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233268920639761,0.0,0.0,0.1279048353162688,0.0,0.12219226510252434,0.1310236652927867,0.058774679813191184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390674736660913,0.07519783385260972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26992387436270865,0.09536706042267906 ptsd,cookiefiend37,2019/03/12,"Complex-PTSD from an abusive childhood Hi folks! I'm looking for some support, and maybe some advice? I'm somewhat new to reddit, and while support groups in my are do exist, anonymous internet sharing is more my speed. DAE hate the adrenaline shivers? Like, sorry dear husband, I know you're trying to help, but an extra sweatshirt and blanket are not going to make me stop convulsing right now :p I've been all kinds of triggered for the past two months, since finding out my brother is sick. Panic attacks left and right, but was giving a good week this week and didn't feel like I needed to take my ""as needed"" panic meds. What I didn't realize was exactly how frequently I was having the attacks over the past months, until last night when I came down with a MASSIVE case of withdrawal. Took sick days for today and tomorrow, because the withdrawal symptoms are crazy, bad, out of my mind prolonged panic. My ribs are so. sore. from all the muscle contraction. If anyone had any advice for dealing with Benzo withdrawal, I'd love to hear it. I'm eager to get back on my feet! ",4.6433719512195095,6.441908078048782,5.005899390243903,81.99323932926829,70.65853658536584,7.271341463414633,29.397865853658534,7.865858978985527,2.0639817073170725,856,34,150,11,16,271,138,205,0.22,0.645,0.135,-0.982,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,0,5,17,3,3,10,0,15,7,2,3,3,32,35,15,0,3,4,2,1,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,11,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,7,0,1,9,3,13,10,25,26,7,33,0,0,1,1,10,9,0,4,23,90,16,0,0.0,0.13758381630358904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269432370852197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896592881077588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119416059909777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26420768788248056,0.0,0.08928950457649508,0.0969557755775522,0.07078598516608157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328109286989074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748881226051543,0.11971514707984594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058714018938106335,0.08295651561827011,0.0,0.0,0.10613204253207964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060668173830565414,0.11139337430459716,0.06599396188871562,0.09739637457259803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464496322147152,0.0,0.0,0.1308762542656619,0.0,0.07783313020553131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209216421648685,0.06381679553792598,0.09465371413050327,0.0,0.0,0.12616527398897753,0.0,0.0,0.11346123152383955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751198278721998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480329401373452,0.0,0.07751134218308732,0.0,0.11665866005402588,0.0,0.12898370922728994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724861296577607,0.0,0.18537256661697565,0.0,0.0,0.1722037737647933,0.0,0.11214991224843436,0.0,0.10897123251089028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4087271971265101,0.0,0.0,0.22170033240237294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13573866228611375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833256230946866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605608591195168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998740413210375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708194597685138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635443575450731,0.0,0.12069367174436325,0.08730817222031081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006866596107136,0.0,0.12901415935009947,0.07883820400824078,0.0,0.11343286539882895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186289737843972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,onethecamden,2019/04/06,"Maybe you guys can shed some light? I’m seeing a psychiatrist for nearly a year, I have pretty bad depression and anxiety, I feel like I have many of symptoms of Bipolar but docs haven’t seen me manic so are hesitant to diagnose. I know little about PTSD so please forgive me if I say anything annoying. but 9 years ago I got seriously ill, ventilated etc. I was convinced I was going to die but I was so ill I didn’t care. When they took me off the ventilator and woke me up I was .....different. I was Angry I discharged myself from hospital only to readmitted a day later. The following months I convalesced, I only worked half days. I became either flippant and a joker or if stressed I would literally lose my shit with people, literally shaking with temper when it’s unnecessary. Nowadays I’m out of work cause I can’t- I don’t trust myself to be with other people cause if I get upset I flip and become very emotional. I’ve done tons of drugs over the years more often than not to quieten my mind and I’ve engaged in seriously dangerous, promiscuous behaviour. I don’t have flashbacks about being ill but I do think of it often enough. I really am lost these days, almost afraid to interact in case I get annoyed and threatening. Does this sound like ptsd?",2.623496216897859,5.216496299180331,4.560983606557379,79.07764817150066,79.86065573770493,7.852206809583857,24.958385876418664,8.730908602173464,2.270910970996217,1003,38,181,25,26,341,152,244,0.26899999999999996,0.609,0.12300000000000001,-0.9912,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,1,4,9,22,5,4,7,0,21,8,1,2,0,32,37,19,1,4,10,0,1,2,0,1,7,2,0,1,5,10,0,0,4,0,0,4,6,15,0,1,12,6,35,7,26,22,6,23,0,3,2,0,6,8,1,8,13,123,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204163854235756,0.0,0.12656644467151887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669191299452116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401240575691956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553463710787664,0.0,0.13959346835135247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886823817514442,0.25968518968220683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445431681324702,0.0,0.10886392281280152,0.1282883757926616,0.13117816869860913,0.13205598785332048,0.0,0.0,0.11060921229743287,0.1293460807115514,0.0,0.0,0.14657819950998238,0.0,0.0,0.14217748614384196,0.0,0.13059993590675498,0.1409639584014418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06390916523401695,0.09029669165510754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13207245614955745,0.0,0.07183325364321197,0.0,0.1010897156742366,0.0,0.0,0.12515103045609882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946344679689077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350053231334772,0.12668110514891914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140379718510207,0.13797519314868198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814480278215035,0.12698087639395056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762302964455802,0.0,0.100887370716921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225835308217465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525290893414625,0.0,0.0,0.13874387475836605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858926647049365,0.0,0.0,0.29549823887315235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097194383291755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051446439561383,0.0,0.0,0.10072053803489177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974276380432792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447851711657408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137291484580305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098888271226454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042961760333594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428920270444804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403429050232506,0.0,0.0,0.08978745950833879,0.0,0.0,0.24418291994349775 ptsd,GardenOfLife68,2019/04/06,"Much better day after terrible week I had a terrible meltdown last week after re experiencing some trauma ten years after it happened, after an event in my work community was similar to my own past personal trauma. I felt for three days like I could not get out of it. Then yesterday, a massage by a massage therapist with training in ptsd and trauma, plus talking with a small intimate group of friends really helped. And today was sunny and warm and I feel whole again. Just a reminder to myself that a flashback is hard but when it’s over, it’s over. A dozen years of therapy has not prevented all flashbacks but it has meant that they are rarer and in between them, I’m happy and whole. Thank you therapy. Thank you, to myself. Thinking of all you out there who are struggling today. Hang in there.",5.248696172248806,6.737912171052631,5.946459330143544,77.04112440191388,68.73684210526315,8.948325358851674,30.265550239234447,9.339509955726095,2.814084210526316,638,25,112,13,11,208,96,152,0.1,0.77,0.13,0.7807,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,2,2,5,13,0,1,8,0,9,0,0,0,2,25,18,11,0,1,5,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,8,11,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,6,0,3,5,5,13,7,25,12,7,29,1,0,0,0,11,9,0,1,20,89,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422538616982498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842122024165448,0.0,0.0,0.20746275199067074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132779622181051,0.0,0.15443591375492208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426803754331504,0.0,0.08403459629705827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422342324945974,0.1712219278462124,0.14408505090231294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078106569290358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110970963438795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858048285004772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823919151306092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354424532695227,0.0,0.14044318602841588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801857657646248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304108532186336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814956178739626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928069127923528,0.0,0.29616795332820056,0.3678793354380409,0.18675282527356799,0.0,0.10306264094260592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049234985983486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580394616413511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591542104838613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170966888786088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20715712872891848 ptsd,louiselaffy,2019/04/06,"Trauma Recovery Coach app While looking for extra help besides therapy and medication while dealing with problems associated with daily living and PTSD I came across an app for veterans called Trauma Recovery Coach. You don’t need to be a be a veteran to find it helpful. It’s simple but effective for me. It gives you a place to break down problems and places to type out solutions. It suggests helpful activities. When searching for extra help after the PTSD diagnosis I have found the most helpful information on veterans websites. I am grateful these resources exist for me to read even though I am not a veteran, I am a survivor of domestic violence with a brain injury. I am very much struggling making it through every day at this point. Brain injury plus trauma plus ptsd can sometimes result in poor decision making, so before making decisions or planning my day or week, I go through the options on the app and have found that I am becoming a little bit more productive and calm. I hope this helps someone else. I read everything that people post on here but rarely reply because I don’t know enough about PTSD recovery yet to be helpful and the last thing I would want to do would be to harm anyone going through this with bad advice. I wasn’t diagnosed with PTSD until February 25th, two months after the attack and brain injury. I knew something was very wrong but i couldn’t figure out the steps to take to start the process of fixing things until I understood that the problem was PTSD, not just post concussion syndrome. I am new to learning about PTSD and PTSD treatments. Any stories about what has helped you cope or not helped you are appreciated. I also want to thank everyone that posts here. You teach me so much. Not just about coping, but reading about your struggles too. Gratitude ",7.1977197525535885,8.221824030211483,6.920284851100565,73.52125881168179,63.98489425981872,9.809293626816286,34.49302258667818,9.842372674337009,3.5141366997554315,1458,62,240,29,21,459,181,331,0.17,0.6890000000000001,0.141,-0.9369,0,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,0,6,0,2,17,15,1,2,17,0,24,5,3,5,0,59,44,26,0,10,13,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,16,18,0,0,12,5,1,4,8,12,0,1,8,1,28,3,47,29,8,36,0,0,1,0,20,13,0,6,15,173,44,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468351153642858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293490938578717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04501384251691611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04628402671307821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07530464994972337,0.0,0.0,0.05526879856515824,0.040350936621110695,0.07310550824594501,0.056325783915153776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226614622607057,0.0,0.0,0.22168147629334686,0.06759095333312863,0.07570771748032902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537864894652912,0.06824258080285206,0.0,0.0671849981602556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055296166450626565,0.0,0.0,0.06839556896258367,0.0,0.043720175320690516,0.0,0.05577086953971106,0.06325071557543979,0.05949043989819725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049964991845622,0.0,0.0,0.14515548858887506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634988264418511,0.0752385706662043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39931290451345614,0.0,0.0,0.06574507042020555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03637821054650127,0.053956528412672115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634326581641961,0.05845006367084386,0.0,0.05558585965871864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255400409454166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666829764451175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05283501154433578,0.0,0.09731966174216193,0.04908163349564288,0.0,0.06393008433211872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045890230862964836,0.0,0.1383162152635747,0.0,0.06257424290585087,0.0,0.19018519520492166,0.0,0.0,0.1900146885707232,0.6190131728579311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986342062482125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05608552858002637,0.05095898189550608,0.06546705336659575,0.0,0.046852092340800636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839961408594828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049769265985364484,0.0,0.0,0.060942071465333564,0.07569802370224835,0.0,0.08795202587606149,0.0,0.06503476704105933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06466142064308432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923312184039148,0.07808526987035923,0.0,0.05309642429407999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404391106535206,0.07237218919522181,0.0,0.0 ptsd,forgetfulthrowaway77,2019/04/06,"My friend died & I barely remember them. As the title says, I was informed a few days ago that an old friend of mine died. I met this person immediately after enduring some fresh trauma. I was working through PTSD and as a coping mechanism started to have episodes of depersonalization on a frequent basis. I managed to go through the next several years this way until my PTSD came back worse than ever and I withdrew and lost contact with a lot of people. Upon hearing that this friend died, I'm crushed. I knew them for years. We spend a good amount of time together...and yet I can only remember about 50% of it. My brain was trying to forget things to protect itself I suppose but as a result I've forgotten more than I realized. I'm so angry. I want to reminisce but everything is so foggy. I'm heartbroken that they're gone and I have so little to remember them by. I'm scared I'll never remember anything again. I'm taking solace in the last email we exchanged- I told them how much I cared about them and they responded in kind. Thanks for listening. This is hard. PTSD sucks.",2.2076342812006287,4.8548208436019005,3.721214454976305,84.04226402053716,82.27014218009478,6.739415481832544,24.43147709320695,7.937092434478242,1.7028339652448654,862,33,160,17,24,284,129,211,0.172,0.7120000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.9098,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,0,6,2,10,11,1,1,10,0,8,1,1,2,2,26,28,15,3,1,2,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,0,1,10,9,0,1,7,0,2,3,1,4,0,0,9,4,26,7,30,19,6,26,0,1,0,0,21,5,1,2,17,105,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855324562526556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046211926478413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149063067978216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548958906223031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411224380969968,0.0,0.12715886118189554,0.11335413597480395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170109026276186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34615794043941306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056753620503127,0.0,0.0,0.09992028343253503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576892581778782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318544054213464,0.09325145298828696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959431407451827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530652116666266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577554995333646,0.0,0.09062551262447807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143030603842524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213647290193351,0.0945201896842522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172916691720357,0.0,0.0857478988981874,0.0,0.11823985219301662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666338624851365,0.0,0.0,0.08455644232502628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707734019883868,0.0970769881493342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898859954617154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5037753615470437,0.0,0.0,0.0884137971146142,0.1113093148825148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256003313940403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869288500994877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359257675681674,0.0,0.0,0.10235844724299076,0.0,0.0,0.07386221524870612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482921786742829,0.0,0.0,0.10623605134579148,0.0,0.07548306707531006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06557610189724551,0.0882485095450919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093944747376362,0.0,0.11330063519527815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319092794290803 ptsd,OhOhOhOrileys,2019/04/06,"How to Help my S/O Hey all, My s/o was recently diagnosed with ptsd after a past abusive relationship. While I've noticed some of the night terrors, anxiety, and episodes of strong irritability, I can't get a full understanding of what my s/o is going through because they are not open to talking about their past or current struggles. Also, they are terrified of therapists and have put off scheduling a meeting for some time. I wanted to learn what has helped others living with ptsd. What can I do to help as their s/o, and what has helped some of you in the past? Thanks!",4.662321428571432,5.920214874999999,5.4628571428571435,80.83214285714288,69.89285714285714,8.814285714285715,30.964285714285715,9.188382445141503,2.6224964285714294,454,19,89,9,8,148,74,112,0.155,0.748,0.096,-0.7959,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,4,1,3,4,0,2,5,0,10,1,0,1,1,16,15,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,11,2,18,14,5,16,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,4,10,62,16,1,0.0,0.1940450295059253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096975217022094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528641639987334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983491481185187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16622683708547126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855649879274033,0.0,0.0930763561148193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4390961801479514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14461515929900595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369050369422807,0.0,0.0,0.1864574193731141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690215248234434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3828853339884668,0.16463778229504045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170675050956898,0.17583164098482118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17121180868742242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163507978845795,0.0,0.1507808002160792,0.0,0.19015386452806327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549774943565044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704941759452752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659795928366728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Quakertackersmacker,2019/04/06,"Media suggestions I’m in an emotionally bad place tonight. I just need Something to distract me. I just want to zone out and watch something and not have to think for tonight. What do you like to watch on YouTube? Or maybe a good movie or show on Netflix/Hulu? I just want something I can get involved in. I tried watching that unsolved show on YouTube but my poor paranoid brain can’t take any more of it. ",2.527749999999997,4.906868275000001,2.4700000000000024,95.165,78.75,5.0,28.75,5.985473137389443,0.9740000000000002,322,15,67,2,8,96,58,80,0.136,0.789,0.075,-0.782,0,0,3,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,14,11,5,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,3,8,2,12,11,1,9,0,0,3,0,3,7,0,2,3,39,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162863122271513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107286940344486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28174213542837745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283896138720475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318593447849218,0.0,0.0,0.21168631466370788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233012525562974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535519615469432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713829133486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636858061236681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5828887174834336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897600942380633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16171639902280818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135102753511947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977232610495261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,moonura,2019/04/06,"Diagnosed with high functioning PTSD at 16 years old. (TW: r*pe) Long story short, about 6 months ago I was sexually assaulted and abused repeatedly by my ex-boyfriend who - ending up cheating on me anyways. About 3 weeks ago I came out to my school about what happened. I didn’t name him. They then proceeded to call my parents, and I told them. They didn’t believe me and simply revictimized me. I made another post about that story. It’s quite a lot. I then began seeing a therapist at a shelter. She’s designated for sexual assault victims and I was terribly nervous and exhausted with everything when I had first met her. During my first actual session, she diagnosed me with PTSD. My second session consisted of taking a survey from the DSM. I answered high on every question except one: “Feeling anger towards others.” I get horrible nightmares. My anxiety is through the roof. Even before my ex hurt me, my parents royally fucked me up with their abuse. For the past week I’ve been having episodes every day. During school I go to my AP psych teacher’s prep period, and I sit in his room and cry. I just have to exhaust myself I guess; to stop the thinking, the images of him. Just seeing him in school makes me panic. I also can’t do that much anymore with the school unless they involve the police and my parents. My parents would beat my ass, and make my life hell until I was 18. I guess I’m just scared, people of reddit. I zone out all the time and I feel like I’m not myself. 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Making therapy a priority can be so hard and a lot of time I find myself wishing for another way out. Suffering from sexual and mental abuse. I still find myself feeling stuck inside a trap. Does anyone else experience this torture. I just took propranolol to calm myself down. Does anyone feel like they've just been catapulted to their trauma. I hate this feeling.",3.675641025641024,6.716929641025644,4.733589743589743,76.5614102564103,79.51282051282051,7.56923076923077,24.051282051282055,8.515128840125781,2.2482974358974372,344,12,55,8,9,112,57,78,0.306,0.552,0.14300000000000002,-0.9562,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,2,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,0,15,13,4,0,1,2,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,3,6,8,3,9,9,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,35,11,0,0.0,0.19504414650384444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261520680944906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302079733012027,0.1686695007467676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180646851214824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881147737097818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751632381553094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102694737507006,0.0,0.0,0.3329410687758273,0.23520473876077905,0.0,0.0,0.3009137878062945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949288746937081,0.16252513997108278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627380763719905,0.16084703607153164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995142914762412,0.0,0.0,0.10988308063143418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658951495178302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242838470732265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146329483866773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18825380867819946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598945708189688,0.1892029476355154,0.0,0.0,0.1828954689105736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306652586314165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18930134813737973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nevadarae92,2019/04/06,sexual assault ptsd and fear of driving I was sexually assaulted and never received help or support and for some reason i have a phobia of driving. I went to a counsellor and expressed my fears surrounding driving and my anxiety symptoms and she said it didn’t add up until i finally told her about my assault. She didn’t go too into but does anyone else understand the correlation? I just don’t want to be scared of driving anymore ,5.564430894308941,7.202903573170737,6.864390243902438,70.19016260162603,68.14634146341464,9.856910569105693,36.83739837398374,10.125756701596842,4.305920325203251,351,19,56,9,6,119,59,82,0.23399999999999999,0.727,0.039,-0.9236,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,3,3,3,0,6,1,0,1,1,16,13,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,0,0,2,0,0,7,4,6,0,0,6,1,11,1,10,6,1,13,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,3,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16270587581410112,0.0,0.2109295238876364,0.1487165209467745,0.21792417509422216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861248599040688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17767368313067022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786666674538415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23298950545658675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208755942935738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256040401374068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403823649582674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486211011261357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186788725655446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231516461545412,0.0,0.2129379722827516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24135602659147146,0.0,0.22106445623274498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032326708755323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22141589659521532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254489993307834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19716407401554226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Wubbalubbaduddub_1,2019/04/06,"Ringing ears and feeling light headed, help? Being in certain citations makes me uncomfortable. Today I was cleaning my room, something happened (which I don’t like to share) and I got myself so worked up that I started feeling lightheaded, my head throbbed and hurt all over and I had terrible ringing in my ears. I don’t know if this is because of my ptsd, if I was about to pass out? I’m currently sitting on the floor right now, help?",6.3707142857142856,6.657434642857144,6.414380952380951,78.99728571428572,65.66666666666667,9.100952380952384,37.03809523809524,8.841846274778883,3.2191980952380947,346,17,64,5,5,110,61,84,0.10400000000000001,0.742,0.154,0.3485,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,7,5,4,1,2,13,15,7,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,7,13,3,10,10,1,15,0,1,0,0,3,9,0,2,5,43,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544568135014856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562309545249152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264944976995955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22406123644867448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.520077641198719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33966772513475146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712462779233435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13924986511859705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378764126831653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913171294760246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961852010179205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2163833385664606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506268309870795,0.0,0.0,0.17934217876497538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401726185037655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844621258471192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,notathrowawayuwu,2019/04/06,"Hello. I’ve always struggled with anxiety, ever since I was around 6 years old. However, I went through a severely traumatic event from August of last year to January of this year. I want to vent so badly of what has happened but my s/o just gets angry when I mention it because he was involved in the entire thing. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I have to live with the emotional and physical scars from the events for the rest of my life, but I don’t know what to do to progress in my life. This is extremely muddled and I apologize for it. I just want someone to talk to. ",3.2295144724556484,4.492696302521012,4.539775910364148,86.06486461251171,73.36974789915966,8.314098972922503,28.348272642390288,8.841846274778883,2.123066479925304,456,18,96,9,9,151,77,119,0.121,0.7929999999999999,0.086,-0.631,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,6,0,7,2,0,0,2,16,14,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,0,11,0,23,11,2,16,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,11,65,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462747552070276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054889362163946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868275359931948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523150283923825,0.1279339419103191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807832035423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23607391136829836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898381509650548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964767401957093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18558609722906969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115338286160688,0.17107090812900366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29647277725664056,0.0,0.0,0.18531780614004392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022177699160767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370917651182337,0.0,0.17360546280961656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778209716106741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940021312440744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16868441950147856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394273629256491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24757185870178075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455028152331155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40544546512851903 ptsd,woozookazoo,2019/08/05,Digging deep into past trauma (suicide TW) I think I have it! I don’t think it was my friend who killed herself. I don’t think she was the reason I have hyper-vigilance and flashbacks (well maybe just a little bit but not completely). I think it’s because in July of 2018 I had attempted suicide by ODing on pills and that’s the closest I have ever felt to death and it was terrifying.. And the episodes didn’t start until maybe August-September.,3.8027597402597375,5.498699340909095,4.733311688311686,83.51818181818183,72.63636363636364,7.301298701298702,27.34415584415585,7.957251820313856,1.752738311688311,354,13,67,5,7,115,60,88,0.193,0.782,0.025,-0.9472,0,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,4,0,10,1,0,1,1,15,16,6,4,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,6,1,11,2,7,10,1,10,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,4,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978471349391083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145273529157712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060267476541282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774570363432773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18867103163858664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518155866271268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21739838536428954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694484821233488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39482177547910696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758169951308376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203495867501653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390838708486608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4298787064028005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5036376401643547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667730127333245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,IntrepidDust,2019/08/05,"Can you set prolonged exposure therapy to ""stop fearing friends""? Rhetorical question: with friends, who needs enemies?",9.694705882352944,14.268077588235293,7.160294117647062,58.866323529411794,67.23529411764707,12.811764705882355,61.441176470588225,11.20814326018867,10.042082352941176,97,9,10,4,2,28,16,17,0.37,0.509,0.121,-0.7476,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,5,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118457098626428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5655330845052178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713803796875495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099977459611632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059878977564022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185467546783449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lycanthropiclou,2019/08/05,"Just feeling broken Without getting into too much detail, I was abused a lot as a child, to the point I thought it was normal and every child had to deal with things like what I was going through. I try not to carry the physical/ emotional/ psychological scars with me where people can notice, but it left me with a diminished sense of self worth and esteem. Logically, I know I shouldn't need outside validation, I'm good enough for myself and I do my best, but i still seek approval from those around me. I'm lucky enough to have a great support network of just the best friends you could ask for, they've seen me through some dark times and they're still with me, so I cherish and appreciate them so much. That being said, I can't seem to shake the feeling that I'm not good enough, that I don't deserve people like them. I'm just some broken, emotionally crippled, useless heap of a human. I feel utterly undeserving of love, yet an insatiable need for it and to express it. I sought out professional help this year after a self harming incident made me realise I wasn't the person wanted to be. I don't want to mar my body because I can't handle the emotions swirling around inside of me, and that's when I was diagnosed with PTSD. I knew I suffered from depression and had a budding anxiety disorder, but the PTSD was something I never put any thought to. Since starting therapy I've had more and more flashbacks and episodes, which I'm told is normal for healing trauma, but I'm just so tired of it. Sometimes there's a logical trigger, but sometimes it's seemingly out of nowhere; I'm just going about my business and then wham! I'm cowering in the fetal position, sobbing uncontrollably, adrenal glands working overtime and feeling, physically, like I was just beaten several times over. I guess the main reason I'm writing this, is that I'm having a really hard time controlling my emotions today and I just want to either stop existing or hurt myself so bad my emotions can't get to me, and I know those are feelings that I shouldn't act upon, so I'm just sharing. I just want to feel human and connected and not so broken again. Sorry this was a little longer",8.50557007125891,7.025314491686466,8.343490498812354,72.73623337292163,62.04038004750594,11.175344418052257,38.3896674584323,10.008157457239328,3.740902042755344,1735,73,320,29,20,561,212,421,0.16899999999999998,0.662,0.16899999999999998,0.5073,1,0,1,0,1,2,43.0,0,1,2,6,26,25,1,2,20,0,28,6,1,4,1,84,71,31,0,11,20,0,7,3,2,2,4,1,0,7,20,26,0,2,16,0,1,5,13,11,0,0,18,9,44,14,44,48,14,32,0,5,1,1,21,12,1,8,18,220,64,3,0.0,0.09664257429255248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055467792991265794,0.0,0.062397897207682414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452223696282973,0.07625335883247163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810434538078157,0.0497219804921642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711973275005888,0.0,0.0,0.09060162769450804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148339597434664,0.06512395007753988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409114026957001,0.07025282316715736,0.08278794614503708,0.0,0.0,0.0934818980019662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.458754816762847,0.0,0.2528389745428253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872301660115017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474538396893816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630178210265886,0.0,0.08522991517660003,0.0,0.09271186882353843,0.13682766793861692,0.0,0.08992699097568163,0.08985433270264051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306726757637863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467208477276226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731827255614666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965326837973106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862188295253688,0.0,0.0,0.11954733258021773,0.08175073108426101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934464136036797,0.07361665346945567,0.0771798827536925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992104094347535,0.12096056387038745,0.06290885911637747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983505798539327,0.0,0.09286362577822974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309542502939016,0.07122043396281755,0.0,0.0,0.07710639567778686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069297693285805,0.08199653012149777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225337746993288,0.08386360814299591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758810664990362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850955649938666,0.1701826095907941,0.09214655582429704,0.0,0.06747237915332803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279362304525256,0.16134205661388912,0.09130665000026736,0.057732955327921234,0.0,0.13027769831522992,0.06819297086388988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925603237274366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327802457624766,0.0,0.05418893935373879,0.0,0.0,0.12950885676028978,0.14268566994123275,0.0937483141688377,0.07731519239118165,0.07793997139367706,0.0,0.055378075653503035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924393627675108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786268777062478,0.0,0.05938114360248265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05252593957666159 ptsd,mohole,2019/08/05,"Do I have PTSD? How do I subdue it/the symptoms I'll just cut straight to the case and talk about my symptoms: Nightmares- have them almost every night Flashbacks to traumatic events- sometimes when I get these flashbacks I get panic attacks and my anxiety rises off the roof Triggers- I found out that almost anything can trigger a flashback or a panic attack. A really scary thing to have to live with. Overthinking- over things that have happened in the past and what you could have done better over and over again Voices- voices of the past. Voices of everyday life. Basically like flashbacks but without the visuals. No sleep- sometimes as I'm about to go to sleep I get a flashback and that triggers my heart rate to go up and keeps me up all night I hope this thread can be looked at seriously because I really am curious and am too nervous to go seek professional help without really knowing what's to come. I know that sounds dumb on my part and that I should get professional help as soon as I can but I can't help it. Thank you.",3.860843104410944,6.194696226130656,4.316641541038525,83.80557091010608,74.17587939698494,7.236292573981018,28.140982691233944,8.167268648758528,2.0366547180346184,835,34,153,14,18,263,116,199,0.132,0.748,0.121,0.1872,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,1,1,8,12,4,3,9,0,17,6,3,4,1,31,34,16,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,12,11,0,1,3,0,0,5,4,8,0,0,2,5,20,4,29,29,2,25,0,0,1,0,7,11,1,4,10,107,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347590472861701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967345742302836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646258668642102,0.0,0.0,0.2667107673439745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145660511302894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367211714707203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009751891772866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359113088475507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995739770067555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876343240628578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852636514337393,0.0,0.0,0.2449717542345697,0.0,0.19985754793672852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365781172803973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890700524489558,0.2357115424794259,0.0,0.0,0.11642653005202025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419107763084104,0.0,0.0,0.12884278003995506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279639419709768,0.05726807642511868,0.0,0.1035079596237616,0.0,0.09843580239035284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200072319948977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750662941305778,0.0,0.12693851401372352,0.2238007010672303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370246379532948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252836023061951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23461056104629754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23186839127213585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24367422509536604,0.0,0.09421749828897777,0.0,0.10792100258684062,0.0,0.0,0.15575234946661906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259929993098801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,snap234,2019/08/05,"Those of you with sexual trauma, do you struggle with experiencing sexual attraction? For a bit of context: I've experienced probable CSA along with repeated sexual trauma as an adult. I'm having a really hard time recently realising that it's so difficult for me to a) experience real sexual attraction at all, b) when I do experience it, experience it consistently, and c) decipher whether or not I'm attracted to someone. For so much of my life I've found myself projecting my general feelings of sexual desire onto someone I wasn't actually attracted to, almost always someone who's expressed attraction to me - I think very often I misread the positive feelings of validation I get from knowing someone is into me as feelings of attraction on my part. I'll think I'm attracted to someone until I actually do anything physical with them, and then I realise I'm just not feeling it at all. But even then I'll experience the physical sensations of arousal, which is always confusing and distressing for me - it feels like it's happening against my will and makes me second-guess myself and wonder if actually I *am* attracted to the person, even though there are alarm bells in my head telling me, 'no! This isn't good for you!' There's been one person in my life - an ex - who I'm sure I experienced real attraction towards, but even then it was inconsistent. We had a romantic/sexual relationship, and sometimes I experienced attraction so strongly and it felt so good, right, instinctive and natural (though not necessarily without PTS symptoms during sex), and other times it was just like the attraction vanished (I found this tended to be when I felt less emotionally connected to my ex and/or when my mental health was poorer). I suppose I just want to know if anyone here has similar struggles with sexual attraction? Does any of this sound familiar to you? And does anyone have any insight or any advice? I'm struggling so much with this at the moment and am so fearful that I'll never be able to experience normal/healthy attraction, it would just help to get a little bit more of an understanding of my feelings.",9.073341968911919,8.698988121761657,9.942699481865287,58.153790155440454,60.26943005181347,14.041243523316064,41.579792746114,13.10598245395324,6.046130984455957,1709,86,266,61,20,589,184,386,0.10099999999999999,0.774,0.125,0.9362,0,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,1,4,1,1,22,29,0,7,13,0,22,7,2,1,4,66,50,35,0,5,15,2,9,2,0,2,4,1,0,3,21,20,0,0,17,0,0,0,8,10,0,1,10,14,37,19,49,36,9,24,0,0,0,2,17,11,0,8,15,198,58,1,0.08043514297483301,0.0,0.2354792899037119,0.0,0.0,0.07860029079364557,0.0,0.0,0.08054417685696508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385696496003882,0.0,0.0,0.1640959663844028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248424435646123,0.0,0.06619126914994196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562868721826602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077867132027924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047870957242148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15937995999893007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934050206161511,0.0,0.09051189814755188,0.24402255056223465,0.0574628822129222,0.15446070234135106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638596517682545,0.0,0.0,0.08404808473250497,0.0,0.0,0.13493036341555925,0.0,0.0,0.0886083783249811,0.0,0.0711285312915058,0.0,0.07205408903326174,0.0,0.08254966223148871,0.0854987956653912,0.0,0.0,0.053913980835984726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841010203650232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362744046581234,0.07859309584299345,0.08061714433103928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369108252482235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105970557110065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182581701453418,0.0,0.06203654093146588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880936211743089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450493455760879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710342149428207,0.0,0.0,0.1404657286350582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672268847461329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310560439839446,0.05152881224922605,0.0,0.07941999991969588,0.08635724154303713,0.0,0.06869117261035286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.340762178103356,0.0,0.07955241312339012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522648273375841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580917034296371,0.08360291161703524,0.0,0.0,0.0703038602824415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307918357909823,0.15805423916249234,0.0,0.09380475742182062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373582053447484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636741680387236,0.047442731329250594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753660749296834,0.08722848142272585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713881777232704,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,insignificvnt,2019/08/05,"Compulsive Lying? Has anyone else with PTSD had a problem with compulsive lying? Growing up I’ve had a consistent problem with lying for no reason, or not knowing how to stop myself from lying on impulse. When I was in 5th grade I switched schools and I told people I was in the witness protection program and had a different name and a British accent. I told this to someone I became best friend with, and it was so emotionally painful for me to tell her the truth and everything, that I was able to begin my journey of ending my compulsive lying. I still struggle with it sometimes, but I’ve gotten much better. I was wondering if this is a common occurrence for people with ptsd? (My ptsd comes from constant early childhood traumas, idk if that is relevant)",5.836760563380281,7.291284788732398,6.318422535211269,75.0543943661972,67.30985915492957,8.778591549295774,34.6225352112676,9.120678840339163,3.3671977464788743,608,29,99,11,10,197,86,142,0.19,0.732,0.078,-0.9105,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,1,7,0,11,1,0,2,1,26,18,12,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,12,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,11,0,15,4,20,7,2,16,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,4,9,76,21,3,0.15208749567779495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634311318832368,0.15583161219062644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960644366101728,0.13450903066776834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100991077922586,0.0,0.16435255275500504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588990628099201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270495871976019,0.1710779622202404,0.1347043792102045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668643445686934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750242189131943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358331019289067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180180873471587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183181836690824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108766398028039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29105438699741576,0.5333464311108688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637127569340908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392066518980685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886324154521772,0.0,0.15041842209253406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145727050771417,0.12715195641389204,0.0,0.15899487221801706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13293117475011634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290652239373151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649324014443573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DoomedAnon,2019/08/05,"Militarization I am unsure wether this should be posted here or otherwise; But my father had left the military in the late 80s after my brother was born; then the golf war comes along and my father wanted to re-enlist but had me on the way(born in March of 91) so he didn’t. 5 years later he and my mother had my little sister who he would claim wasn’t his till I forced him 19 years after the fact to get a DNA test done. But in between that; my mother relied heavily on religion to the point of being abusive(physically and mentally) with it. While my father had left us in ‘96; so she had to work two jobs to support us three kids even with child support. Till my brother started getting involved with the wrong people; so I had to move in with my father. Que in full time combat instructor; I was made to literally live in a mental Hell as he had blamed me for not being able to go back into the military. Everything from dissociation with emotion, through, learning how the body works in order to efficiently disable the “enemy”. That had been by daily existence till I was 16 and he kicked me out to the street for not living up to his standards. Since then I have not been able to make very many friends(or SOs) as I can’t connect with them on an emotion level and I haven’t been able to feel physically or mentally comfortable staying in one place for longer than a few months. I have tried multiple times to settle down, keep a job and so forth but I always end up in a fight or flight mode and move on. I have tried an anonymous therapist online, and they have all just told me I have ptsd and should find some one in irl to help me. But I have a hard time telling myself that it not a weakness to seek help; and settle long enough to actually get the help. I guess what I am asking, is, do you have tips to help me, help myself?",7.296433545261884,5.882939335149867,7.505535876475933,77.56643581592492,64.36784741144415,10.444383893430217,31.56055101422949,9.2995712137729,2.4617333938843484,1444,41,295,21,18,471,199,367,0.091,0.8170000000000001,0.092,0.0895,2,0,0,0,1,0,34.0,2,1,2,2,9,8,3,0,21,0,36,2,1,3,2,49,52,31,1,4,13,9,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,8,20,0,1,3,1,0,4,8,5,0,4,19,2,41,3,62,27,5,57,1,0,0,0,36,28,1,5,22,211,49,6,0.2879153837796273,0.0,0.09365462742516578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985622124171965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972067270468563,0.0,0.0,0.07379638605683714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660302850068244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267120311860215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821246656423424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21591070293391454,0.08500252407177336,0.09916451869258544,0.0,0.06338846519726289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625326068333745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852622297610494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771648158253731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504239047556193,0.0,0.05454298253819504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572375170021388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597187717394435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32163935458610904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047439488584028,0.08530414067204194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826036453827337,0.0,0.2085472712704056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618895087748372,0.16948970582117825,0.08493201815873813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081083254500892,0.0640619181241654,0.09730033634871768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901509884288919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660377081997062,0.20400565881293672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006594357184942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665347583950508,0.0,0.1002700987946742,0.0,0.0907243667160106,0.0,0.09191445016595924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11218589208682443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938886023266313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792933017718929,0.10229316358276892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178153103743065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388357860254247,0.0,0.0,0.1114306505481378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788577563608414,0.0,0.0,0.09170516251471464,0.0,0.1303170975494777,0.0,0.09375049807039501,0.0,0.2308845044004684,0.0,0.0,0.07918678151881976,0.056606650994531875,0.07617794342875485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397372189648264,0.0,0.0,0.06817560931370945,0.10493009148295858,0.0,0.12360537831828372 ptsd,ShowPan69,2019/03/06,"Constant flashbacks... I can remember it all too well. My parents used to physically hurt me and my siblings, as well as scream and curse at us, and hurl demeaning insults. Sure, the abuse itself was awful, but the fact that my PARENTS did it makes it worse. I can’t concentrate on my schoolwork without flashbacks happening and me falling into deep stages of depression as I remember how much I was abused.",5.35882882882883,7.544439837837842,5.484864864864863,77.70585585585587,69.54054054054055,8.717117117117118,35.306306306306304,9.2995712137729,3.6109171171171166,324,17,54,7,6,102,54,74,0.318,0.629,0.053,-0.9738,2,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,4,7,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,3,3,15,8,9,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,3,1,11,3,9,5,2,7,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,43,16,0,0.0,0.4416676913408602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014142362940321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605317451731375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648182208323236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19952727943173826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244123635849552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370132410182992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.413913406757669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4222721069740694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566414421654108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22419627564014252,0.16097541077834665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33516211205650104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17966694186319268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18994060288493392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LiterallyDeceased,2019/03/06,"Self-Soothing Tips? For approximately 5 years of my childhood (6-11) my best friend's brother decided he would prefer to molest me instead of her. As a result, she became abusive in other ways. Their mother played a role in keeping it quiet and encouraging some behaviors that I honestly cannot allow myself to think about. Long story short, my childhood memories are spotty at best, and what I do remember is fucking awful. I can't remember my primary abuser's name or face, hell I didn't even remember she had a brother until I was 21. Because I have no legal leg to stand on whatsoever, I obviously never pressed charges or made formal accusations. There's the backstory, for the most part. My current problem is that I'm pretty sure he messaged me on a dating app today. I can't confirm if it's him without asking my parents if they remember his name, and I prefer not to talk about this with them. I've been fighting off flashbacks for the past 5 hours. I'm exhausted. I just want to be held and comforted but I have nobody to turn to right now. Does anyone have tips on how to self-soothe? I drove to my safe/happy place and I'm cuddling a blanket and listening to music, but the feelings are coming in waves and i can't stay here all night. I already tried curling up in bed with my dog, but my house isn't a safe place for me to be in that sort of state.",4.036838235294121,5.326893713235293,5.505176470588236,79.81629411764708,71.42647058823529,8.08705882352941,29.40882352941176,8.548686976883017,2.2773391176470588,1078,43,204,18,20,364,168,272,0.091,0.828,0.081,-0.5333,2,0,0,0,3,0,31.0,0,0,3,2,9,15,4,0,10,1,20,5,2,4,4,48,35,17,0,7,10,4,2,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,8,10,0,3,9,1,0,2,10,6,0,0,7,4,35,9,36,25,6,34,1,0,0,2,24,15,2,7,13,139,43,1,0.0,0.2879988593655585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411720036666788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849802915340201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361907796488005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408677682669802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550875502206126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046918796908702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063563399391066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027290425059158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061451887791912185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389785355065317,0.11235740521915458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293765623357511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968776645547465,0.14023539205183033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802613843127876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10755489567777517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499961772408986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373549805627188,0.0,0.0,0.11405262446545752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349505424094091,0.13161086149519108,0.11601917392660482,0.0,0.0,0.2539569940585908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236450694584107,0.0,0.11629284641824668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5507031079462261,0.10379046252456202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25357559959875714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12954043452884045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145455602881008,0.0,0.0,0.0976854520007495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787489814023342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520123187573733,0.0,0.0,0.08251447531700082,0.1321954816732747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716846552616472,0.09646904590344092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171556700586548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863351737833439,0.0,0.0,0.07826473371554497 ptsd,whenitcountsaspect,2019/03/06,"How to get better I've heard that invasive thoughts, memories, flashbacks etc. are your subconscious trying to process what happened to you and that it means you still have stuff to work through. &#x200B; If this is true it means there is stuff I still need to accept, or move on from somehow. However, I do not want to accept certain aspects of it as I am worried it will forever taint my worldview. For instance,one thing I will always find hard to accept is the implicit involvement of those around me, by doing nothing to help me at the time. Certain aspects of what happened were probably traumatic for them to be around themselves, perhaps they didn't understand the gravity of the situation as they were groomed by him to a certain extent as well, why is it their responsibility to help me to begin with? Sometimes I consider that I would have never been able to leave the situation if I didn't figure out a way to do it myself. I guess a certain part of healing for me then would be accepting the innate loneliness of the situation as it was then and as it is now. I don't even know how to heal really. ",7.081056338028168,7.045488619718312,7.342828638497652,74.03283450704228,64.2112676056338,10.668075117370893,36.998826291079816,10.317481424215053,3.828386854460095,888,41,162,19,12,289,123,213,0.077,0.802,0.121,0.8612,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,4,2,11,11,0,0,10,0,25,2,0,2,7,36,38,14,0,6,4,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,18,6,0,0,11,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,8,2,23,11,39,24,3,15,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,5,8,135,41,1,0.1281525521985607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066331895161146,0.13885323676556974,0.15571937791708854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281658827511279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334051821293628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292397129868184,0.0846435520916443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171291110302486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669544192222141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411744842932012,0.0,0.2266497573577684,0.0,0.11479951504336824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179590879766393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042929120955209,0.0,0.0,0.13569504901049553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791913971045358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620588189812052,0.0,0.09502349364014002,0.09883914860977264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296583012796493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877672565599605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13817012627204162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209780647204085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43214651415790906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674615097665134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046855874543416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29340802407572986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513886128314455,0.0,0.0,0.10173881166666708,0.07472678376250595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700717078836455,0.0,0.0,0.13341132638119585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558769560484767,0.10172153092491293,0.0,0.0,0.11522453492930992,0.0,0.11563774550481334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329658429008243,0.1301451374305562,0.0,0.1820717924110184,0.0,0.15571937791708854,0.0 ptsd,Nomoreturtless,2019/03/06,years ago I was raped One night a few summers ago I was grabbed and dragged into an alley and orally raped. It's been years and I still have dreams about it and flashbacks and everything feels worse. I thought I was supposed to get better but lately i've only felt pain and horrible fear.,3.3578947368421046,5.4326904035087775,3.3472280701754364,91.36926315789476,74.78947368421052,5.963508771929827,25.43508771929825,6.742157984588678,0.891430877192982,231,8,46,2,5,70,41,57,0.337,0.606,0.057999999999999996,-0.961,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,1,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,11,9,7,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,6,3,5,1,3,3,1,9,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44689215105227453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22293665750518216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22654550904750184,0.0,0.0,0.2836503904782017,0.12745486720362326,0.0,0.2420280616656505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169689588464809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28434750407910325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365519209872473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081009554181725,0.19171164864341705,0.2682217282036328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20130453533318726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200116524691584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25688227849203554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32465141758442706 ptsd,1890s_kid,2019/03/06,"How to help my SO(f24)[Canada]? Hi /r/PTSD, first time visitor here. My GF has recently been given a definitive diagnosis of PTSD after several runarounds with different doctors/psychiatrists and I'm looking for pointers on how to help alleviate any pressures or triggers for her, and maybe help her symptoms improve, if possible. She's been the victim of sexual assaults on two different occasions and her dad was physically abusive when she and her siblings were young(he was FOB at the time and has softened since, not that I'm excusing him - his actions affect her to this day). On top of this there is a history of depression in her family, which she seems to have inherited, so her moods can be very dark even when she's not triggered. It's hard to know what's what she's suffering from. She's been trying different anti-depressants since she was 19, when she started having trouble with school. About 2 years ago she admitted to being suicidal after her previous relationship ended(we had met but weren't a couple yet). She was taken in and seen by a panel of psychiatrists/doctors who asked her loads of questions and then released her, not really doing anything or giving her any info - she says it was a horrible experience. Her family doctor has sent her to a few different specialists since, all who do an interview with her before bouncing her back to family doctor saying they're not qualified. The most recent doctor, a CBT specialist, listened to her about how fed up she was with the lack of progress, he looked through her previous files and interviewed some of the professionals she'd previously seen and was able to find that she'd been given a PTSD diagnosis, which is a step in the right direction, but as a CBT specialist he's not qualified for PTSD so he shunted her back to her doctor. So we're back to waiting for her doctor to find someone who's qualified to help her. We've made progress finally but it's been a pain in the arse. She's in college for the third time now, after dropping out twice from different courses. For the first time, yesterday and today, she's had trouble leaving the house to go to her new course. Completing school is very important to her but she's so debilitated she can't get out of the bed/chair to do anything, and I'm in work so I can't give physical comfort/encouragement. She's just sitting, stuck to the spot by panic/sadness. When it's happened before I've asked questions about where the sadness/panic comes from and she says she doesn't know - which makes it hard for me to give her any kind of solace other than that I love her and am there for her. I want to help more but I can't think of anything else that could help and I'm afraid the pattern that's stopped her from sticking out college before will happen again. She's on Wellbutrin for the day and Seroquel for the night. I'm not delighted about the latter because it's so heavy but it does the job so I'm not saying anything... I support her, I try to be there for her, I try to be emotionally present and not fatigued with the constant roadblocks. I try to vet media for content that could trigger her and I keep an eye on her in social situations in case I see her start to fade/get triggered.. I'm fine with it even if it's hard sometimes. Is there anything I'm not doing/could be doing/should stop doing? Thank you.",5.822660455486544,6.720275531055902,6.330993788819875,76.98284679089028,66.98136645962732,9.673706004140787,32.87991718426501,9.784248007369934,3.1789817805383027,2678,113,492,57,42,870,279,644,0.07400000000000001,0.8420000000000001,0.084,0.5718,6,0,0,0,0,0,73.0,0,1,0,6,33,16,2,2,32,0,45,11,1,10,1,78,91,43,1,6,20,1,3,0,1,1,8,5,0,0,26,27,1,4,10,0,1,5,14,10,0,5,26,14,70,5,88,55,6,65,0,3,6,1,93,21,0,9,37,336,96,17,0.05941535567592787,0.07039748080511579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052668127889286986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121343789697715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444688760244625,0.0,0.11109067414708143,0.0,0.0,0.13706022307126842,0.0,0.03621904934665232,0.0,0.15167427459747093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051181067919680134,0.0622958700017635,0.06420689179387312,0.0,0.1423149805072058,0.06574196095728793,0.0,0.07663597820247385,0.0,0.10234871756300633,0.0,0.0,0.3103820038375915,0.0,0.36488480507100535,0.05199477814502079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04963390565531848,0.06683427804717673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848656412877053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581196187639471,0.1680345285000734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508661794333746,0.10860911737574633,0.10107734237119148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062084142124603135,0.17098986945066436,0.03376711585803868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508160560399518,0.0,0.1596734649612939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389491629257722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855734319166698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058960572568579075,0.05281109809545431,0.0,0.061871949855212376,0.06530625126740215,0.0,0.0,0.06291228276069874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09978786925614637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362467822788779,0.0562202461437625,0.03966021128147984,0.0,0.059690710743059865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057383720752326776,0.0,0.055757286395282914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322212753323586,0.06971111813216868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669818862033734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778134850312193,0.0,0.1331175923999508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038062998263132405,0.0,0.11733099161612302,0.06378985641981097,0.0,0.05074038910725445,0.0,0.1889979023650212,0.0,0.12026302395697885,0.0473463459416831,0.05408950832266632,0.0,0.06712244000518494,0.0,0.14744698858941538,0.06678534918555955,0.0,0.060566472759434366,0.05034243805409687,0.0,0.05876330601020344,0.0,0.08410898911315827,0.0,0.0,0.09934779557718086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499075560701481,0.06742384151722314,0.0,0.06175530428066135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054701676801607084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03807096083022224,0.0,0.0,0.13858228680106796,0.0,0.056318809925590727,0.0,0.0,0.1613565055103114,0.0,0.05804016910653929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980477818241316,0.03504471617644642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043255086565546295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03826154104634255 ptsd,OldDJ,2019/03/06,"Advice about using cbd vape pens or ptsd and anxiety. Long story short after the service ive been disabled stay at home all the time house warrior. But my anxiety panic attacks adrenaline rushed then dumping is killing me. I decided to try the cbd route to see if it helps at all since im never going to be able to work again im not worried about the drug tests. I bought a select 1 gram 18:1 cbd cartridge and a batter, but it doesn't say anywhere the dosage amounts. Does anyone use this or cbd pens in general and can give me a quick rundown on how to best effectively use this? Ive smoked some regular flower before and while it does offer a nice distracting sensation, it doesnt seem to actually help my horrible horrible anxiety racing thoughts and all that crap and sometimes makes it even worse.",6.710705128205127,6.803159942307693,6.903333333333336,76.44166666666669,64.96153846153845,10.266666666666666,34.0,9.994966539143718,3.302876923076924,645,26,119,13,9,208,108,156,0.185,0.701,0.113,-0.8722,1,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,6,8,4,2,9,0,8,2,1,6,4,27,18,14,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,8,6,0,0,4,0,1,2,4,6,0,0,3,2,8,2,13,14,6,16,0,0,1,0,5,5,1,5,8,68,16,5,0.14418451409625166,0.0,0.14070328689173553,0.0,0.0,0.14089543844600091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3309022758997881,0.0,0.0,0.10081716471303427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403069993677585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269040180465245,0.0,0.15131275206640446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523536798558481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16720826079803489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523251172403543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831492415640595,0.08194338209433108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932876810392024,0.0,0.14462882372523753,0.0,0.0,0.1663695706836497,0.0,0.0,0.3114880348215871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595188021344831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759875775312626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624428277034876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112039859643726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16916946100291388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854398115149832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466131275198255,0.0,0.0,0.11489639010274265,0.13126016644159405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192709200220762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260217122967195,0.0,0.0,0.15368150766656144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446639862591206,0.08407514967067194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789182055127904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37358737928272334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496804349134613,0.14642637294761102,0.1469363378917329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,catsandbats13,2019/03/06,"Dating after sexual assault I was hoping to get some advice from other people with ptsd from a sexual assault. I was assaulted over a year ago but only realized what happened a few months ago, and began experiencing symptoms of ptsd and was diagnosed a few weeks ago. I am still uncomfortable and wary around men and don’t like being touched, but I recently realized that I have a crush on one of my college friends. I’m terrified but I really like him and I don’t want to miss my chance with him, but I also don’t want to worsen my ptsd. Anyone have any advice on how to approach this? ",5.817524630541875,6.085225801724138,7.148719211822659,73.32534482758622,66.84482758620689,10.421674876847293,30.364532019704434,10.290406445055957,3.095311822660099,467,16,86,11,7,160,69,116,0.192,0.6659999999999999,0.142,-0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,8,3,0,5,0,10,2,0,1,0,19,18,11,0,3,4,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,4,2,13,4,15,13,3,16,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,2,13,63,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174407573443471,0.4319413797189574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129891662699196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045495150260656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357172905239556,0.0,0.0,0.14459318578722785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16485852570139906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548958575632954,0.0,0.08486065191817714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363238745035342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613252315011824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870584965096388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964653340972065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100637639521952,0.12353195855457777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260543292893413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5696003676130537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10405397372124862,0.0,0.16037564663077838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297132630781417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16882234984078284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160560872707666,0.0,0.13028798792639087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459673615430433 ptsd,madamecopper,2019/03/06,Comfort object really helps me I started sleeping with a stuffed animal at night because that is when most of my flashbacks happen cause I let my mind wander. Whenever I think of what my dad did to me I just hug it an cry into it. It has honestly helped a little bit and helps me bring myself back down if I start panicking. It makes me feel safer when I’m going to sleep! ,2.2188345864661656,4.2197911842105285,3.860075187969926,86.72552631578951,77.94736842105263,6.974436090225563,22.69924812030075,7.957251820313856,1.210709022556391,294,9,59,5,7,98,58,76,0.07200000000000001,0.7190000000000001,0.209,0.888,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,4,3,2,2,0,11,13,4,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,13,3,8,11,2,12,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,2,6,41,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167607098739862,0.0,0.13287377571868655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379690909249679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239174011734206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23943212874641395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021324864830608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238785738478429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275201788910667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4383063340355393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228912515549423,0.0,0.0,0.21846531854539875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549807667047882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22008969524106745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20455206033325027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963851579841854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4362590556938866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085635641174059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966772739763844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Academic_Relation,2019/03/06,"Reliving bullying and obsessive thoughts Lately I have been reliving my experiences with bullying, despite being far away from those people. Whatever hurt and humiliation I felt in that moment, I feel as if I relive it constantly. If I try to ignore it it gets worse but obviously when I feel it that also makes me feel terrible. I get obsessive thoughts about what I could've done differently to stand up for myself but it's too late now. How do I make my mind stop reliving these these situations? Usually I write it out but even that's not helping me anymore. Distraction just seems to make it hurt more when those memories inevitably come up again.",3.540464285714286,6.569692308333337,4.862857142857145,75.46500000000002,80.08333333333334,9.428571428571429,28.57142857142857,9.606745405546679,3.602142857142857,527,24,90,18,14,174,81,120,0.261,0.7390000000000001,0.0,-0.982,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,3,0,0,5,0,0,4,1,28,18,12,0,2,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,5,0,2,7,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,5,4,15,0,13,12,1,18,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,3,10,66,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226230765688093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402241904844805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553893309906066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14246882357620633,0.0,0.1787278130599634,0.0,0.13205044152882972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279732816580742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925137223236458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092385222941466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617831367839286,0.0,0.0,0.2508784306701369,0.0,0.15880031789817073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281887718933486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085741766199678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541067896171889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731342037824657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3311972887859703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669967329274024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466058794222475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15056482663939408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859052676572655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382734293760986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626023405633116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122889402801142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215369740689466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854651979692803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anonuser670,2019/03/06,"PTSD & Running Hi all, So I was diagnosed with PTSD about 4 years ago after a traumatic incident and was really not doing well. After some real lows, I found running. I was not an athletic or fit person at ALL prior to this, but my anxiety and flashbacks were such that all I wanted to do was get up and run. I would start at a normal pace and gradually run faster and faster until I would just run as fast as I could, and I always felt much better afterwards. This really helped with my PTSD, and I highly recommend running to anyone struggling—for me, it was life-saving. Anyways, I got pretty fit from that and through running and therapy, over time my more intrusive symptoms subsided such that I could resume my normal activities. I gradually started running less and less and now I rarely run at all. I really miss it, but struggle because the act of running reminds me so much of how I felt when my PTSD was bad...I really wish I could get back into running because I loved it and found it so emotionally soothing, but it’s been about 2 years since I have actually run because it reminds me of my PTSD so much. Has anyone else encountered this problem? Any advice on how to get back to running is appreciated!",6.9094402618657895,6.657331629787238,7.779148936170214,71.48692307692309,64.61702127659575,10.805237315875614,34.672667757774136,10.389873798559362,3.6218019639934536,963,39,173,21,13,325,123,235,0.069,0.7909999999999999,0.14,0.9701,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,17,7,0,1,4,0,18,3,0,2,4,44,32,26,0,10,7,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,12,15,0,0,4,0,0,14,2,4,1,0,13,2,27,3,26,14,11,43,0,2,0,1,4,11,0,2,18,131,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.09518470614311386,0.0,0.0,0.09531469521182527,0.08646308537843225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116086905226527,0.10568425663484944,0.0,0.0663303611368817,0.0,0.07461762642366755,0.0,0.0,0.13640409416698182,0.09994098003224852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000406310636488,0.08144160025998314,0.17837794211528668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862659646470189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336326124234115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990007726906624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148192833741807,0.10971906769016454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730687402317567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389455866786602,0.0,0.0,0.15288144926425695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801143245436015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537882492736936,0.10305607998100803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889519584687281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880334144732705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21510877370614054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113645138495036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516792989804005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923297151161352,0.0,0.09333234852124817,0.5700936229883552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102156683255547,0.2499457945801604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068587255147475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807824576699765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196970387582606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138112669989134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115451818544807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05687620091987543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05753145988398323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087699931263827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216587569485742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857885119106134,0.0,0.0,0.12562477622726426 ptsd,Throwaway546678,2019/03/06,"DAE lack ambition or direction career and education wise? Feeling kind of ashamed. I don't have a career goal or objective. Any job that is ethical and not stressful for me does it. Clerical work, solitary work or working from home is fine for me. No dreams of being anything or anyone in particular, not right now at least. I do well in college, but it's not my passion. I don't have passions. There are things I enjoy doing, but no job or subject truly excites me anymore. I feel sad and ashamed about this. A major trauma (among many following) happened to me in college. I had dreams and they died. Just gone. I've tried to have ambition like I used to for working and it's not the same. I feel like my brain is always working overtime to help me do basic things. Anything too mentally taxing or chsllenging and I feel like I'm short circuiting. Manual labor and organizing have become cathartic for me. They weren't before but they are now. Perhaps because I focus my energy on my body and not my mind with physical tasks. I don't like to tell anyone I feel like this, but this is how I feel right now. And I don't know if it will change. ",2.0975,4.562623466666668,3.6422500000000007,85.64737500000003,81.0,6.594444444444445,25.375,7.793537801064563,1.6439666666666666,900,36,172,16,24,297,122,225,0.125,0.677,0.198,0.9407,2,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,3,6,9,18,0,3,3,0,21,4,2,2,0,39,33,21,1,2,17,0,6,5,0,1,0,0,1,0,10,10,0,0,7,2,1,2,12,5,1,0,3,6,28,13,20,28,4,14,0,1,0,2,5,9,0,7,8,120,38,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167422905922427,0.0,0.0,0.08309531934003046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118246012251067,0.17088014552947442,0.0,0.20110858671511336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448761929045454,0.13495238827765396,0.10397710437069142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572869551862599,0.0,0.13640761770443238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926381936818232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126816873058909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693177511341632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37070621926752506,0.2618837615329501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805472222290054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190328293561737,0.0,0.12256937851938067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242515072143464,0.0,0.0,0.12724503620907787,0.06715398760379994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29848623983069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388435780743748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314163964751193,0.0,0.12337993212127295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20870403031823545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399714819523383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680192541700946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235898266244364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296091538361366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553537836127563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986603524482212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447892032770692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,areparellena,2019/03/06,"I transferred the fear of a yelling male figure in my childhood over to my wonderful husband. I met with my new therapist recently since my other therapist is on maternity leave. She suspects I may also have PTSD from childhood trauma. I didn't pay it too much attention until a few nights ago when I had to get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, and it took me a while because I was afraid my husband would wake up and start yelling at me. My husband is a nice guy and thinking about it rationally I know that my husband would never yell at me for getting up. I've reacted this way around my husband before and each time I've nevet gotten yelled at yet I still react in fear. I never made the connection in my head that I've always had to walk around eggshells with my dad growing up. If my dad wasn't in a good mood the simplest things would result in an angry outburst. This realization brings me some peace but it also makes me sad because I loved my dad so much and his behavior affected me long term negatively. Thanks for reading what I had to share.",5.5967505391804435,5.8662899906542085,6.103831775700936,80.62093098490297,67.3177570093458,9.014521926671463,32.349388928828176,8.841846274778883,2.5463879223580164,854,34,168,13,13,277,126,214,0.087,0.816,0.09699999999999999,0.6364,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,10,11,0,3,12,0,13,3,2,7,2,32,28,13,0,4,2,8,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,2,11,10,0,0,6,1,1,4,5,5,0,0,10,4,31,5,31,14,6,41,0,1,0,1,15,18,0,4,18,121,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223110049415715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205410496267178,0.1147354654058546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24550253880600784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811283931715348,0.0,0.11733417181432836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103290071406281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408359133398155,0.0,0.0,0.11565552863451685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653270676547227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151484635937334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757806977527503,0.0,0.0,0.1460055229721571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12202824626280134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445104271065308,0.13047478297785225,0.09204259701344203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272992434455986,0.0,0.2126984247122593,0.13317495075485702,0.0,0.2588007111621522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118594569596492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379272419847029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614966775975526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406397253964025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759920005476007,0.0,0.11011907383158406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695051869683338,0.0,0.3202016662526072,0.09160794043368513,0.08835429747816337,0.0,0.0,0.08040472532220456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320078253889702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909262420874366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945060581445107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495357438541985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29385914368245625,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,enigmathere,2019/09/25,"I feel stupid for having PTSD (I apologize for the long post. I just needed to vent, and also see what others thought about my situation). I am no stranger to mental illnesses: I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression when I was 14 (2007). I stopped taking meds when I was 22, cause i felt they weren’t helping, and was fantastic until I was in a minor car accident late last year (rear-ended). The pain I’ve suffered from whiplash, and a concussion was a whole new experience for me, that it made me scared to drive for a few months, in-fear that another distracted driver or myself would accidentally hit someone. I didn’t fully understand what PTSD was until I spoke to a family friend about how I was feeling, and I was shocked when they mentioned it. Went to my doctor, and listed a few things that I’ve been going through, mentally, and am now I’m Cymbalta and taking something else to help me sleep at night. I’m also seeing a counsellor now, because I need someone to talk to. What I find stupid about having PTSD, is that this was a MINOR incident. There wasn’t much but a scratch on the back bumper of my car, but I did hit my head pretty hard against the headrest when I stomped on the breaks to prevent my car from hitting the vehicle in front of me. The incident happened as i was headed back home after purchasing something that I needed for a class. I saw that object on a store shelf yesterday, and just had a moment of panic. Luckily, a store associate distracted me right then. But later in the evening, I remembered what happened, and thought “an item such as that shouldn’t cause me a panic attack!” So I found it in my room, and just looked at it, and felt angry and panicked again. I close the drawer, with my fingers feeling odd. I remember my eyes being wide open, and trying to sleep that night, but needed meditation music to listen to in order to calm me down. I feel stupid that this object, that I went out to buy for a class, is a trigger for my PTSD. Am I ridiculous or what?",6.428870030225529,6.219260360613812,6.823205068588703,77.79875087189029,65.59846547314578,10.075842827249478,32.606486863520104,9.688023934748609,2.9216639386189263,1575,58,303,29,22,513,194,391,0.16399999999999998,0.7759999999999999,0.06,-0.99,1,0,2,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,2,0,22,16,5,5,26,0,27,10,6,5,0,54,60,33,0,6,9,0,9,0,1,2,4,2,2,0,23,19,0,2,13,0,4,8,5,14,0,0,27,16,47,2,50,27,5,53,0,2,5,0,10,17,0,2,25,219,70,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14019005753295655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191044462439348,0.06705330670691215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971645679047277,0.0,0.1347974859672535,0.0,0.05343165967467418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800848709239037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549427640446013,0.08896462529854346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971522387944644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732217438927614,0.0,0.07763338530508171,0.0,0.0,0.05789311783732079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574017668147492,0.08263021717732376,0.0986325254160744,0.17727732237801866,0.0,0.16831874550495304,0.0,0.08011206122012696,0.0,0.0,0.09610555932094664,0.06771948207217621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049814478161856544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15502020870185992,0.0,0.07851870210830952,0.0,0.1799118530220746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750216698401753,0.0,0.08792179669545598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144783008244897,0.09887492971822573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756899177356341,0.07360534809630652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293815307048036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736127340517726,0.0,0.17666458517812758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996274664582308,0.0,0.06443408110558095,0.25997048463497024,0.0,0.08465455315403686,0.0,0.16451035600311587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326758330770316,0.20568075677134373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394609457495111,0.0891732850952223,0.0,0.0,0.4098405632668908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985845673540253,0.07485406854804576,0.0,0.0,0.08775463758504203,0.0,0.13969410510931746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852417756146667,0.17542999186823213,0.0,0.14853399334449913,0.13495711406034847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732807417431522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180633239611453,0.07045111219617617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058231891349074937,0.0,0.0,0.13917130996747906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950974724795286,0.0,0.0,0.0912485056234104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250799868658106,0.0,0.0978599871649652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062265249227081036,0.0,0.0,0.056444817760124666 ptsd,lostspirit10,2019/09/25,"Some of my classes are requiring class presentations and my symptoms have been taking over me ever since, presentations are one of most trigging things for me and not sure what to do I am in my final semester of college. I was lucky enough to dodge presentations for my first semesters and now I am in my last semester and some of my classes are requiring me to present a topic/chapter from a book (which I find incredibly odd and lazy of the professor) in front of the whole class! there is no way I can do this, especially with my severe PTSD, Today our professor made us go up to the classroom and present our topics to the class and made us go up again to talk about our other assignment. Oh my goodness, I could not make eye contact with anyone, I kept my explanation very brief, my voice was shaking, I looked so pathetic up there, I felt embarrassed for myself. I am scared as hell to keep going to that class. I know there is no way I can do a full presentation, my body is stuck in fight or flight mode, I cannot give a good explanation because I am too tense and cant concentrate because all pairs of eyes are on me which is very triggering. I tried practining, not caring what they think, all the positive talk people tell me and it still hasn't worked. I think I may just have to drop my classes and maybe look for an online school to finish my degree. I feel stupid for thinking I could hack college with my mental health issues, I look and come across as a scared maniac, it so embarrassing. should I try to tell my professors about it and see if I can try do an alternative assignment? I am very scared, one of my professor seem strict, she may not allow me. I have been feeling sick and nauseous everyday for weeks, its stuff like these that makes me wish I didn't exist!! :/",12.141361904761908,6.888974288571429,11.057571428571432,67.73426190476194,58.97142857142857,14.866666666666667,42.595238095238095,11.855464076750405,4.628638095238097,1411,47,285,28,12,453,183,350,0.17800000000000002,0.773,0.049,-0.9919,0,0,0,0,1,0,35.0,5,0,1,4,13,16,4,6,12,0,36,6,3,6,4,57,63,19,0,5,7,0,3,1,0,3,3,1,0,0,15,17,0,4,9,1,0,7,10,10,0,3,10,10,56,6,43,48,8,38,1,0,6,0,14,11,1,9,18,205,71,21,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236727024399804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261812051557408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496145626546793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552174132837326,0.0,0.0,0.08915320732817597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526732089002938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693971493212184,0.0,0.0,0.09361865317219603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466204082297943,0.0,0.09937302288302406,0.11337553082906462,0.0945940711351088,0.08803420509651785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992834258302707,0.17645860881746195,0.17361617405671365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11001210857311193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080236225019092,0.0,0.09199258571785784,0.0,0.0,0.05687905700019485,0.08436359042988101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05056323966722407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607333812551015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958620819855402,0.13816964681572966,0.0,0.10397630465221164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430028938760967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402640290230241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175155176118793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098205565200625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108546317643481,0.10474414411961863,0.08247343729901598,0.0942194711008662,0.0,0.11692176528138196,0.0,0.08561350565705758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265256540275147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847891295727353,0.0,0.0,0.09754437607807796,0.10757265664695816,0.07781660709288696,0.166373387905249,0.180921283166836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875858127617893,0.1989494398244797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810273098740194,0.0,0.0,0.21080231286038595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489874746366963,0.0,0.0,0.2561867476491257,0.0,0.1643016607510738,0.08301877686009397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155503234616297,0.11901604989404027,0.0,0.0,0.07534680023926414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Geneieve_Lorelei,2019/09/25,"Is it normal to hear the voice of your abuser in your head? I was raped and beaten by my bio father (Kenny) when I was a child, and sometimes I can hear his voice or feel him touching me when I have an attack. Like I feel his fingers clutching my throat or hear him whispering about how much he loves me when I'm alone. Is this normal for someone with PTSD? My boyfriend wants me to get tested for schizophrenia.",5.1992771084337335,5.298659530120485,4.958698795180722,89.07756626506027,68.1566265060241,7.121927710843375,26.23855421686747,5.6839178017228535,0.70473686746988,323,8,68,1,5,99,58,83,0.18,0.753,0.068,-0.8823,0,1,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,5,5,3,0,3,0,6,5,3,1,0,11,15,8,0,3,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,6,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,10,17,2,9,13,1,4,0,0,0,2,13,1,0,2,4,46,19,2,0.0,0.23061483193918395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158681840941106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214294281662151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683017921246948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169059914082401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19975528622477265,0.0,0.6581153116665988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509055477043242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566887360006886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14308171582554155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814088697979948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275220271669785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491659585651888,0.0,0.1925024842472645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148028486098935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,belughh,2019/09/25,"I start trauma therapy in a few weeks I’m starting a session with my therapist to tackle my trauma, and she calls the method ‘revisiting’ where i have to enter the memory and speak on everything happening, and then listen to the recording of it over and over. I’m terrified to have to do this, i’ve never spoken out loud about what happened, and i know its going to be horrible but its for the good. does anyone know what i should expect, or how horrible it is, or how to prepare?",9.185842105263156,6.349033452631577,9.695657894736843,67.85085526315792,61.84210526315789,13.289473684210527,37.43421052631579,11.698219412168324,4.260105263157895,378,13,71,9,4,129,63,95,0.13699999999999998,0.823,0.04,-0.8151,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,6,0,6,0,0,2,1,17,16,11,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,7,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,3,7,1,16,14,1,13,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,2,5,56,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844808244502727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694068706159508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230885360867762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371195027468888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994453305679495,0.22129378944303188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666200202407377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899956097271825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20348720449794305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734900887441117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017203733896622,0.3063348589885957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116339658572872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,English_Muffin7,2019/09/25,"I had an extremely bad nightmare last night and it feels like I undid a lot of my progress, even though I had no control. I had a nightmare last night which woke me up on the verge of tears, shaking, my heart was going crazy, and I was sweating. I now don’t even feel like doing any of the things I planned for the day. I feel like laying in bed and crying. I want to be productive and do the things I enjoy, but right now it doesn’t feel possible.",5.356914893617024,4.330811925531915,5.67604255319149,87.85300000000002,68.04255319148936,8.796595744680852,29.43829787234043,7.554174236665415,1.4827217021276593,347,10,80,3,5,111,59,94,0.11900000000000001,0.765,0.11699999999999999,-0.0378,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,5,6,0,1,7,0,10,2,2,1,0,12,17,6,0,1,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,6,4,13,4,8,10,1,14,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,10,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348681504690068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161931363036374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036676166352138,0.0,0.0,0.1994670997302904,0.1171099470951876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23987577606223234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672676206795028,0.3891818682574931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320127032877954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151839579765784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960387059675953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661457857176369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438055924651284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408181385860889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047144261377672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550760993287089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412794586082252,0.0,0.1784103689037335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710595607056593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sevastra000,2019/09/25,"Diagnosed yesterday I never believed my past was traumatic enough to bring on a PTSD diagnosis. I'm no stranger to mental health services, but I'm actually shocked about this one. Even though the history and the symptoms match up and it makes complete sense, I'm still in utter disbelief. All I can think is that I didn't have nearly as severe or as many traumatic experiences as someone else with PTSD. I feel like a fraud even though a medical professional diagnosed me.",8.004827586206897,8.383638908045981,8.15002298850575,67.62227586206897,62.2183908045977,12.477241379310346,39.239080459770115,11.979248473330829,5.0926708045977005,383,19,65,12,5,125,67,87,0.221,0.7440000000000001,0.035,-0.9538,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,0,5,5,0,1,2,10,12,9,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,1,6,1,11,10,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,5,44,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.16997116076972166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962372957573572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262077007497984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35357100805734043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455021347698742,0.0,0.0,0.17997090814137814,0.0,0.2300839009284181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037806093463026,0.0,0.0,0.08806888323387392,0.12443174253113225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514149863797488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509385093514124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626418132301898,0.17658765580687066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754645221967986,0.1755289680023109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134335671853409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802651942201793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662711992840917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4072060681725685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967698931359575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475792023553228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390975959229883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103609795689207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116052827276152,0.3422550981788129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Streetquats,2019/09/25,"Anime is triggering for me I just wanted to share and see if anyone else has experienced anything like this. I experienced CSA as a young child and the abuser was in my life up until a year ago (I’m 25). Throughout my life this man was always into anime and anime films. He would try to show the anime films to me and I just feel so weird about them. The women are drawn to be so infantile and sexualized. I remember then having huge bouncing tits in tight clothing, and their faces always had their mouths open and they just looked so sexualized to me. It’s gotten to the point where even seeing anime on the front page upsets me so much. They are random posts of these anime women and the commenters all saying how pretty and cute they are and in my head I’m like “am I insane? Do all these people really find this attractive and okay? Is this not in appropriate?” All the anime women I’ve seen look like children. I feel disgusted at how mainstream anime is and how many “normal” people don’t see it as creepy and wrong. To add to this, I have seen some of hayao miazakis films and I enjoyed Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away for the art and storytelling but I just can’t get past the animation style. To me it seems inherently sexual but maybe that’s my trauma speaking.",3.660137693631668,5.624722839357432,4.625450372920255,83.01927710843376,73.61847389558233,7.4737808376362596,22.29890992541595,8.269060116576782,1.2483174985656915,1013,26,193,17,21,329,142,249,0.068,0.8490000000000001,0.083,0.2075,1,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,6,0,14,13,1,1,11,1,18,6,4,4,3,45,33,30,0,4,8,0,3,3,0,1,2,2,0,6,11,19,0,1,5,5,0,1,3,5,0,0,6,14,24,8,26,25,6,21,1,0,7,1,17,13,1,4,9,129,35,0,0.0,0.18652222357140136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954727090942792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619794963668095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007483134891148,0.16129994615011492,0.12954690374877825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479054469697376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150792246375936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397736037106754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15919705763915898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388308957484294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224777438884119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156289620873965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22238708038517094,0.2307288941558172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26439376872923714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960367718752644,0.15815401299905288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572507962206575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15424253047032538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027944447682354,0.21827657537740267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488169833914018,0.0,0.15076910094720428,0.1601572543712731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085012972961263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17833120667229896,0.0,0.0,0.12519023619980368,0.0,0.0,0.37634069949766297,0.1433133011131043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068808636732752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285301563212227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182980808998616,0.17211891630346302,0.0,0.10137618039186476 ptsd,divine-mistake,2019/09/25,How do you get through a triggering assignment? I have a test on triggering material for a class of mine and I see no way around it. But as soon as I read the material I had to escape to a bathroom to have a breakdown. I can’t do this. I don’t know how to get through this. I have no one. I’m so alone.,-1.652075163398692,0.2574321911764734,1.7596078431372568,95.90434640522881,94.73529411764706,5.963398692810457,20.79084967320261,7.3871296695380915,0.6424065359477127,231,9,60,5,9,83,41,68,0.122,0.8490000000000001,0.028999999999999998,-0.6504,0,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,0,8,0,0,4,0,8,13,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,9,0,12,12,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,47,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233941519202816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3639192203439837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4271629000468859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22466612832135066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27701387826496865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089112447585061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257611645576353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244869020735112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pkmntrainerdez,2019/09/25,"I forgot where I was for a split second while having a ptsd episode in the shower. My trauma happened about 5 years ago, and I never thought I needed help or medicine after I was taken out of that situation. Well, I’ve had reoccurring nightmares over the years, but never deemed them to affect my life enough where I wanted to see a counselor. This morning in the shower I was just having a bit of a flashback to that trauma and for a split second I forgot where I was. I actually forgot that I wasn’t still in that situation. It scared me. I’m afraid my brain is rotting or that there’s something really wrong with me now. Has anyone else experienced this? What’s your advice? Should I see a doctor or specialist or is this common?",4.1189962121212105,5.662622048611113,5.2487878787878826,80.7477272727273,71.56944444444444,7.180808080808082,24.202020202020197,7.686295010490155,1.2430361111111108,581,16,108,7,11,192,85,144,0.124,0.8640000000000001,0.012,-0.9399,2,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,9,6,0,2,10,0,12,3,1,1,2,20,23,8,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,10,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,2,11,3,19,1,15,11,2,18,0,0,2,0,3,8,0,4,10,87,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.1770292577708759,0.0,0.0,0.17727101791580624,0.1608083530363568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684556440707362,0.1858752128666717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980519145923808,0.0,0.0,0.20251271677619886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856800526332347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154414905294505,0.0,0.0,0.18744424727311845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041959918449675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159479521239824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281347170039394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451265900805398,0.2798279916741888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120577034419712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621540972913615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816223046770329,0.0,0.2891193675680401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4078231917437237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965770221800608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448736600517843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440186795639147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699987481626837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310870062307078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983425349473636,0.0,0.2336432163766664 ptsd,illinoischic1,2019/09/25,"Inner child healing turns into PTSD nightmare. *trigger warning* I was literally just reading up on inner child healing today. I have ptsd from child abuse and sexual abuse. I still feel shaky and nauseous from the nightmare I just had. I saw myself being abused as a child and I felt trapped. Nothing I could do was stopping it, nothing. Adult me tried to attack the person and scream for help but it wasn't working. I was a bit wary of doing the inner child healing technique but now I'm even more terrified. I don't talk to people about this stuff in person so I kinda go to reddit for a lot, I've gotten so much support here so wondering if anyone had experienced this. I feel pretty sick right now.",1.4738003095975216,4.190361720588236,2.8192260061919505,87.59914860681118,89.88235294117645,4.33374613003096,21.863777089783287,6.05967700443912,0.5601823529411765,558,20,99,5,19,180,86,136,0.188,0.741,0.071,-0.9256,0,1,0,0,3,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,11,4,1,1,6,0,12,4,0,1,0,20,22,11,0,2,5,0,3,0,0,0,4,1,0,8,5,5,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,3,0,0,9,6,13,1,14,11,4,14,0,0,1,0,10,8,0,5,5,70,18,2,0.0,0.5302490291548364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043076285845362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16970972526521244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162862025521535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191052409910976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852962529106828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085617081111802,0.0,0.14323276706799326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478040310680518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999898167201524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682446643414452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096618407242618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862776163504027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342015369981207,0.2605102098546532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176605950114902,0.0,0.0,0.3487585280968857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14921679955205974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739585638271453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191324899297872,0.12471817540201215,0.0,0.0,0.17077132253543642,0.0,0.16928364527403686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990236396550401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414018131741162,0.0,0.0,0.10128100396982058,0.1622611190667622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177547521058078,0.10860221793487138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Futurebecca,2019/09/25,"Showed up to work an hour late today So today I showed up to work an hour late today. I work at pretty much the same time every day & have been for the last 2 years so its not like there was any confusion regarding the start time.... I just literally thought that 4pm was 3pm even though the clock clearly said 4...... I know Ive been having a bad week, and my brain has been foggy.... but this has really tripped me out. This is not something that I'd typically do 😕 It caught me by surprise.... fortunately work was slow and ppl were forgiving.... but I just feel really out of sorts.",1.7108556149732619,3.6001469915966378,3.3047211611917504,90.6377387318564,79.08403361344537,7.016348357524827,20.06187929717341,8.00094639256281,0.6581697478991599,448,11,101,8,11,148,81,119,0.05,0.915,0.035,-0.1498,2,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,4,7,5,0,1,7,0,14,1,1,0,1,18,20,7,0,0,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,10,2,9,3,10,10,2,23,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,17,60,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846093633302744,0.0,0.1057307407955244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12981808902398811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356547377867074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027079778676036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269211126843172,0.0,0.13099737817379692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861462292534058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062300920855268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854469410926585,0.12673576395267094,0.3507731372428118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759589625630479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429461866204595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817757372996136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19920707174464736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789569857787951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969497836077428,0.0,0.0,0.11004851294691348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275687904518495,0.12343259598415128,0.18132157744426305,0.0,0.4421264372762408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247155088370173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4527609240457454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012308409847637 ptsd,radicalmoon,2019/09/25,Music I know this might be stupid but whatever but I literally cannot listen to music like I used to. Every song just reminds me of something and I cry. It can be a really cool song to dance to and I will literally cry and have a panic attack. Everyone I’ve told this to just gives me shit for not listening to music but it’s just so hard to when it all gives me bad memories from all the trauma. I understand that music is so important to people buy it’s so depressing for me. Anyone else?,0.3633710407239832,2.73711459803922,3.3190196078431384,85.24174208144797,89.29411764705883,7.06003016591252,18.630467571644047,8.139509932561175,1.200014177978884,387,11,79,10,13,137,60,102,0.312,0.611,0.077,-0.9856,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,3,1,3,1,8,1,1,1,2,16,16,10,0,0,7,0,1,1,0,2,0,4,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,3,1,1,2,7,0,0,1,6,10,2,12,11,2,2,0,1,0,0,5,0,1,1,2,56,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206278036915293,0.2081740080150173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311377964778641,0.0,0.0,0.16964036514157566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463504130413253,0.0,0.0,0.17499198483840342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697243672947711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711814064824638,0.1941398178401462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3898027235369603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820024534741638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111658170260932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992597121237062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21553367930347506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23837889165036044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085407539385456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015736344455656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085534231168612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641194526428992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941398178401462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115095060588652,0.0,0.17547561457018232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ChildishBalvino,2019/09/25,"Where should I go from here? A little background info on myself. I’m a 23 year old male who just this year began to work through my trauma in therapy. I lost some family members during a tornado when I was 16. I thought I had overcome my grief shortly after. However, it wasn’t until this year that I have been able to come back to reality, per se. I feel like I lost a lot of important time (basically 11th grade to senior year of college) when I lived completely withdrawn from reality, and that I’m existentially isolated due to my experiences. I’m writing this post to ask this community for some advice. Should I move away from “Tornado Alley” or would I just be attempting to escape my fears?",4.578666666666667,6.0496030518518475,6.369814814814816,73.4391666666667,70.33333333333334,9.844444444444443,30.537037037037038,10.125756701596842,3.2954592592592595,552,23,101,15,10,191,90,135,0.124,0.8290000000000001,0.046,-0.8767,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,7,6,0,1,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,15,20,5,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,8,1,16,1,19,8,3,24,0,3,0,0,4,6,0,4,15,68,24,4,0.1797415360336555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756413487617248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16803407286763575,0.0,0.16887308983317326,0.13821014642699114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483141788972368,0.18845558080545866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582171193758786,0.16944432358547626,0.2022591991594148,0.0908827212474981,0.12840738925650055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021512570732498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781263541036975,0.1801482389015171,0.15871506933531188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924182383570531,0.15280982631765924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910368073766838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886085062865202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17214270637060067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555011108467747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269470228631864,0.10480873510436804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308539789438635,0.0,0.0,0.12768323016170433,0.0,0.0,0.4629906245917272 ptsd,he_calls_me_good_gir,2018/12/21,Reclaiming spaces (Trigger warning) I’ve been working on reclaiming spaces I use to avoid. I’m currently sitting on the couch I was raped on curled up with my cat listening to podcasts and eating pizza. It’s crazy to think that I’d willingly be here but I know I can’t let the past hold me back I need to be able to visit my moms house without freaking out.,2.1726418786692747,4.3176422328767154,3.833307240704503,86.15410958904111,78.72602739726028,6.911154598825831,26.866927592954998,7.957251820313856,1.8175612524461842,285,12,56,5,7,95,55,73,0.09,0.866,0.044000000000000004,-0.2737,1,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,1,2,0,7,3,0,2,0,12,13,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,3,2,2,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,8,0,12,7,0,12,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,3,35,10,1,0.3047718082125354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23435070807443303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118576461667552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3516657472310149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674946153222494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31164982281907555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35694505829426826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259844340400354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29093917658778384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528546855634452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263224988302998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937891473095457,0.0,0.2218775061934428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aly_m97,2018/12/21,"nightmares I went through chronic trauma as a kid/teen due to my mom being a drug addict and me being bullied. I've been noticing that I've been having nightmares almost every night. The nightmares are sometimes about the trauma that I experienced, but they mostly are random and very disturbing. For example, the other night I had a dream that my hand got bit off by a tiger, and last night I dreamt that I kept getting shot at, and my shirt was covered in blood. I have a lot of dreams where I'm being shot at. I wake up dripping in sweat multiple times a week. I've been thinking about getting a medical marijuana card for PTSD but I haven't been formally diagnosed yet. I'm afraid that my psychiatrist is just going to put me on more meds if I tell them about all of this.",5.140584415584417,5.835528902597402,5.740675324675326,81.33387012987014,68.41558441558442,8.497662337662339,29.685714285714287,8.548686976883017,2.1355293506493505,617,22,120,9,10,200,97,154,0.077,0.852,0.071,0.0285,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,2,10,0,15,10,5,0,1,15,24,8,0,1,4,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,1,2,0,3,1,4,0,0,9,2,17,0,19,12,5,19,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,5,8,82,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968139708160412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341743287087245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19997325818638687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591281927949085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21241804760124905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432789869346208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913966290415511,0.0,0.10409924219799983,0.0,0.14649709239077074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930729464048648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572385084472884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034596196708105,0.1845236360547146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21452548050863607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5156754830795548,0.0,0.0,0.20853927752598628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411492016167036,0.18413557523599944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811589609971107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009790002345547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736738751504568,0.0,0.0,0.10680739731153772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113372178419393,0.0,0.0,0.14692723382423184,0.0,0.0,0.1697996259181947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MushyButtons,2018/12/21,"Trying to work Sometimes it’s so easy to work, I have a great attitude, I’m always on time, and I do good work. Then there’s days where I feel over whelmed. I’m slow no matter how hard I push myself, I feel like my arms are 1000 lbs, making it incredibly hard to even get myself to work. I need to find some balance. This isn’t working. 😭 I can’t be physically present and not mentally. ",0.3572628726287235,2.463461609756098,2.4974796747967503,93.384783197832,85.34146341463416,5.595663956639567,20.08672086720868,6.937597516519254,0.2642314363143634,300,9,69,4,9,101,59,82,0.064,0.753,0.183,0.8845,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,0,1,0,6,1,1,2,0,11,13,5,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,4,10,3,7,12,1,9,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,6,38,13,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135296881704092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12505925264552456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807915137099707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960986888916715,0.1385330474900115,0.0,0.0,0.1772349667621576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131268103250707,0.0,0.0,0.16264685761523348,0.0,0.21379217693821528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34741983532631265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473716475325017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943989230544886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954208979598028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378565318902656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178707716629828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307350427145617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165568223908708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7058628239484088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Greaseuqa,2018/12/21,"When something triggers your PTSD, are you constantly anxious for days? That's happened to me multiple times this past year. Is it normal?",4.550000000000002,7.94009066666667,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,79.83333333333334,6.533333333333335,33.0,7.793537801064563,3.0013500000000013,112,6,17,2,3,33,24,24,0.09699999999999999,0.903,0.0,-0.3313,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,11,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938650732136253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3767570448163042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248445911917352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083020691845068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3415941390992365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328172670912468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40754265120986827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26840086118059603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20329536043682994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22451336191473004 ptsd,blueman512,2018/12/21,"Nothing just a void. When you hate people but yet go to a bar to somewhat feel normal. When every day, all day seems like you’re living in a nightmare, but you go to work anyway. When going home hurts, but you do it for your kids. You you hate to hear other people laugh, but you smile just to fit in. Everything hurts but yet you’re still numb. Just a void. Something taking up space in the bar, at work or At home ",0.8733591731266159,2.9813680930232596,1.9948062015503891,97.78029715762275,83.18604651162791,4.28733850129199,15.369509043927648,5.033348758259628,-1.0359157622739024,320,5,72,1,9,101,50,86,0.18,0.68,0.14,-0.631,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,7,0,2,10,7,2,0,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,14,10,9,0,1,9,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,0,2,0,2,2,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,2,7,2,12,10,2,19,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,3,9,45,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367246896314026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463282618269,0.0,0.16494587457990992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279881392819754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129147774478509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36239783282454063,0.0,0.0,0.20685283322236056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681932169249012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929475721681694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966400105692128,0.0,0.1620612805677189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982146274805588,0.17610299339210747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25447464423926996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670797759789673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129116965414742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465681344867123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799250970751142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26722558209292513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,acetanilide,2019/09/09,"Does anyone have constant ear pain? My ears constantly hurt. I don't have any infections or anything like that. It feels like someone screaming into them. Its hard to listen to or comprehend anything because it just hurts. Someone suggested it might be ptsd related...so just wondering if anyone else has this. My trauma has nothing to do with noise though so im not convinced.",3.8072058823529393,6.918263838235292,4.036764705882355,81.26044117647061,79.73529411764707,6.9294117647058835,30.558823529411764,8.07648339933343,2.8063470588235297,303,15,48,6,8,94,52,68,0.242,0.695,0.063,-0.9205,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,8,4,2,0,0,11,11,5,0,1,6,0,2,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,6,4,3,5,9,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,5,4,31,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231047114640248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531568706566428,0.18548377092222496,0.29793994098744825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035250785751624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912522089343559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841813264843613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15122500625030916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915327973611136,0.12932587602077836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621648240785633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.387586747872018,0.0,0.19554045277625592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17688150293989996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19204126384051812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17370049170367005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926257163352399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116111227575968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067675375883233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785831611045003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963162886984352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,QuirkyMagpie,2019/09/09,"PTSD isn't a disorder The idea that post-traumatic stress is a disorder relies on the belief that enduring trauma without marked changes to the brain and body is normal. Ongoing distress in the face of trauma isn't an inherent abnormality; it's the trauma that creates the distress. ""An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior."" - Viktor Frankl, Holocaust survivor Some people are traumatized by events others aren't, but difference doesn't equal pathology. The dissociation, flashbacks, difficulty with emotional regulation, depersonalization, vigilance, fear response, avoidance, guilt, insomnia, nightmares, are the ways we as humans are wired to react. None of this is to downplay the severity and lasting effects of unbearable life events, but instead to challenge the idea that there's something wrong with a person for reacting this way. There isn't. Your body and brain are just doing the best they can to protect you, as is their evolutionary purpose, so you don't end up stomped to death by a woolly mammoth when you leave your cave to forage for roots and berries. Your body is adaptive, not maladaptive, and while it's hard to take heart in that when you can't integrate into the type of life that other people lead, the battle isn't one of ""you"" against ""you."" Healing lies first in acceptance, it seems, and self love. You're doing the best you can, and everything you feel, unbearable as it may be, is alright. It's normal. Defective things happened to you. You aren't defective.",8.673236692015209,9.719277528517113,8.139256178707225,65.98515803231939,60.787072243346,11.594011406844109,39.25118821292776,11.333407214811013,4.972475475285173,1222,60,184,33,16,386,149,263,0.16699999999999998,0.7,0.133,-0.8168,1,1,1,0,0,0,46.0,1,13,2,6,7,19,1,6,21,1,26,13,7,5,0,33,31,16,2,3,5,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,16,11,0,2,7,0,0,1,12,13,0,2,0,2,16,6,32,29,5,17,1,0,0,1,20,6,0,3,8,136,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476564826874215,0.0,0.0,0.3931967998828714,0.0,0.26344239418734955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482283111908825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12327943062691026,0.27046447969851195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272824522918852,0.10450835189538124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060460994312004,0.0,0.0,0.13277693139369648,0.059661705841327586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036629913087593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434239379259004,0.0,0.1057001458593702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982438178261894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664034872724741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618149381319348,0.0,0.12493943434678592,0.0,0.0,0.166686404505357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649489528626814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468294936204517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995631629087963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360544629834484,0.10302849015351892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300638195289005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379295828675328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741801564624454,0.12309428868180712,0.1333005149109413,0.0,0.0,0.13263107590031614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083814593153376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516262120849726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871738952230808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839048843132664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873175274606329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374275674575815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900876820853213,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PF1991,2019/09/09,"I can’t stand ignorance So this is just a rant I’ve seen that several people make the same comment after going to a sub for help and getting kicked out for stupid reasons. Some smart ass will probably say “well you need to go to therapy”. Not everyone an go to therapy and some people may be alone with no one to talk to. If shit were easy they wouldn’t be on reddit talking about their issues. So if you try to go into a sub like raised by borderlines and even talk about having borderline traits you will get kicked out. That’s dumb because majority of people that are raised by borderlines have ptsd, or cptsd. And that can look like bpd or have bpd traits that doesn’t mean your borderline. Do these people really think that they went years growing up with bpd parents and not pick up any traits? Shit is dumb.",4.918227272727271,5.978467049999999,4.9802272727272765,85.26386363636368,69.125,8.818181818181818,25.79545454545455,9.095868883498916,1.7900624999999994,648,18,131,12,11,202,103,160,0.165,0.741,0.095,-0.9287,1,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,4,3,0,7,10,5,0,5,0,17,3,3,3,0,29,30,11,0,4,7,1,0,2,0,4,0,1,0,0,8,10,0,1,3,0,0,6,6,6,1,1,3,3,8,4,23,21,4,15,0,0,2,1,14,6,5,7,4,82,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082475186484854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858988640752504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770007496876828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772698096063606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343018918695502,0.0,0.0,0.120699862888516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198925906521478,0.0,0.2871520134031507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466660967285228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184055274095333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234227349852538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607319740668376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431656977568099,0.0,0.0,0.1375945981956321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366133456945157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559464442947089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402584021247272,0.0,0.0,0.35028502192838235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136189461453377,0.0,0.14765604707077265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092093675818858,0.12987336052598322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045114679998653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270054831639215,0.2593220685502303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045828159821071,0.0,0.0,0.2889055403933105,0.0,0.0,0.08093786496713984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575992547708244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357279450799672,0.1170957238208605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134303351191449 ptsd,Salmon_Of_Iniquity,2019/09/09,"Something hopeful for you. Hey friends I wanted to give you some light at the end of the tunnel hope for you. Some context: I’m 50 and I have PTSD from a childhood that could be described as “Yikes!” and “Holy shit, yo!”Not the warm bath of adolescence as spoken of in song, carpentry, poetry and interpretive dance. And I’m trying to write this in as anodyne and TW free a manner as I can. Anywho. The good news: I’ve been in therapy for 5 years now and I consistently see empirical evidence of improvement in my life and family. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is working and I wanted to let you know that there’s an endpoint to this madness. The biological mechanisms that underly our struggles for a normal life can be understood and leveraged. It’s not magic or voodoo. It’s just work. So whatever manner you decide to go in your journey towards healing please know the journey will eventually take you to peace. Hang in there.",3.71868154158215,6.314747609195403,5.016707234617986,77.32548681541584,75.7816091954023,8.691818796484112,29.20081135902637,9.325443323948027,3.0959963488843814,740,33,129,20,17,245,111,174,0.052000000000000005,0.802,0.146,0.9461,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,7,0,2,5,9,2,1,10,0,10,4,1,0,0,27,23,15,0,6,3,0,1,0,1,1,3,1,1,0,7,9,0,0,5,3,1,5,1,3,0,0,2,4,14,7,28,16,2,18,0,0,1,0,12,9,1,5,4,87,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543416734702402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16133329108452166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717174232175831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407307805824654,0.0,0.0,0.1747375378172123,0.10352161861714257,0.1527811038258167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618376077978758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002128006857844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862635516365376,0.2573197809569856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784710428597446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994904532014632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212926844011572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515217669451566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869772038949658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023010384683024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042562796319595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695621611552738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41661514143013983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366977605563513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148768498805876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652187763690197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730041370887995 ptsd,hamsters-,2019/09/09,"3 years later, suppressed my feelings about my trauma, now it comes out at random moments feeling just as strong as ever i feel scared for absolutely no reason at times, and i feel ashamed, i have trouble even talking to SO about it because i feel like it won't make sense to him and i don't want to remind him of what happened to me because i feel gross about it. i either feel like it isn't real and didn't happen to me so i can dissociate from it or it suddenly feels so so so real all at once. this is just venting I can't talk to anyone about this in my life. thank you for listening",3.0454211469534047,4.006337072580648,4.533333333333335,87.10055555555556,73.43548387096773,6.801433691756272,25.87455197132617,6.937597516519254,1.011063799283154,463,15,99,4,9,155,74,124,0.14400000000000002,0.76,0.096,-0.7197,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,14,9,0,2,0,0,8,1,0,2,2,26,23,11,0,1,4,0,8,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,5,0,1,9,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,9,17,4,21,21,2,13,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,9,73,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110126984324412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19201989456517024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567146906049546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402662439138526,0.14246689028901266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6370899380458073,0.2250346780530074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27855174545992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124622320746194,0.15389214166705978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051318260152793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16773132751991915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585367558036262,0.0,0.1619352350215677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576840056932711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531835098942436,0.0,0.1450039468381776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183895139492676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928970089863711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142421198444157 ptsd,Adr1anDav1s,2019/09/09,"Participate in a Study to Test the RENEW Ap and Get a Giftcard! We are looking for volunteers who have experienced a trauma and own an Android phone. Renew is a mobile app for people who have experienced a traumatic event. In Renew, users can earn points by completing exercises designed to help people approach situations, process traumatic memories, and improve their mood. Dr. Carmen McLean, a VA-affiliated researcher at the National Center for PTSD in Menlo Park, is conducting a study to collect feedback on the usability of the Renew app. Sign up to test out the app for three weeks and get a gift card! No travel required. Email the study research assistant for more information at carrie.davis6@va.gov. For participant's rights questions, please contact 1-866-680-2906.",8.489924242424241,10.378439659090912,8.455757575757577,60.561969696969726,61.5,11.321212121212122,38.90909090909091,11.20814326018867,5.155372727272726,633,32,89,18,9,205,91,132,0.096,0.8240000000000001,0.08,-0.4912,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,15,0,6,2,0,0,0,10,9,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,2,2,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,20,9,2,16,0,0,1,0,10,12,0,1,2,53,4,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950920383141972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29408909524851057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864812798248434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363447668119352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39024010706478707,0.0,0.0,0.3089445126450557,0.2660585792648984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289967198736949,0.0,0.3152852803538016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403543741517911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31635844912566885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257599701683049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jmachine5,2019/09/09,"Has anyone here tried Rapid Resolution Therapy? There are no long-term studies on results. My agency offers it and the clients who do it completely change before my eyes, they are just so much more relaxed and happy. It is great to see but I feel like if it was effective long-term, more people would know about it or use it. So this question is for people (patients) who have had RRT. Not practitioners. How did things work out for you as time went on? Did things go back to how they were before or never change at all?",3.2076457645764584,5.314975089108913,3.624290429042905,89.06622662266226,75.33663366336634,6.469086908690867,22.113311331133108,7.3871296695380915,0.7169991199119914,408,11,82,5,9,127,76,101,0.015,0.8440000000000001,0.141,0.9294,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,2,9,4,0,0,1,0,13,1,1,5,2,20,19,11,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,3,6,4,10,12,4,9,0,0,2,0,7,4,0,4,4,62,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184663497322716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499220916840486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209040180310726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3989462802638408,0.0,0.19770322004204208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953423961233694,0.13470842425944626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716388640977267,0.0,0.0,0.2078897981105931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007272990060758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362850831102123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212165915600777,0.0,0.0,0.3337421139425999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861445112565268,0.0,0.14543030828873266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614497029367931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21123211427153452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150259159228858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156365901596218,0.0,0.25054385874252905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995176863484417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280209294501265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628566556336467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479846577277905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727506971110112,0.0,0.0,0.13394873020182246,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Underratted,2019/09/09,"Struggling With PTSD In Relationship I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now and we've known each other for over 6 years. I developed PTSD after we first met. He knew me before and I think it might be hard for him to see how much this has changed me. He doesn't understand a lot of my symptoms and tends to take it personally when I am having a tough day and trying to function and get things done. I often have nightmares and sometimes spend hours dissociated. When I am having a tough day I tend to be quite and standoffish, maybe even a bit cold but at the time I am just trying to go about my day and cope. The problem is that he percieves it as me being angry or upset at him no matter how many times I tell him that's not the case. Obviously, he doesn't understand at all but it can be very hurtful when I am already having a hard time and he gets upset too. At this point I'm not sure what to do. I have an incredibly hard time talking about it and don't wish to explain exactly why I am upset (further triggering me) which I have told him before. He seems to get upset about me not wanting to tell him what's going on but it's not like that. I just can't. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can help him understand? I am becoming frustrated that he hasn't taken a bit of time to learn more about ptsd and by proxy understand me better. I know that it's probably very confusing for him and I can see it putting space between us everytime he gets upset about me being upset. I know he means well but at times like that I'd rather be alone... Nobody struggling with PTSD wants to be told they are making someone else feel bad by feeling bad!",2.9661062801932374,4.363447910144931,4.168985507246378,87.93164251207732,74.2463768115942,7.314009661835749,24.082125603864736,7.921354282810032,1.1109227053140098,1319,39,283,19,27,432,167,345,0.21,0.754,0.036000000000000004,-0.9961,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,0,1,3,20,21,1,9,12,0,35,1,0,5,4,63,68,25,0,5,12,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,21,18,0,0,15,0,1,3,10,16,1,2,7,8,38,5,40,53,7,33,0,1,2,0,30,12,0,6,20,190,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766496878279215,0.09340602583286377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756037088007245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918458843914045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134729965836626,0.0,0.09348191428961966,0.14405048896008746,0.0,0.0,0.07486015203750572,0.1848172004992898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954142595878901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376384764602886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07407195355018763,0.0866195200504761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707086458559535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590612499821631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559642764502785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199757818191874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689059769927068,0.0,0.0962095166704724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274714096639165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05673464377431583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335663565041343,0.0,0.090612441597063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303552747015882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270491673278152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196073721333948,0.0,0.0,0.05650008390532441,0.08581505719300468,0.08503560763747631,0.09220140671821853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897932031965194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062222590991836677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390729596515598,0.0,0.0,0.08001531146440055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125983207817942,0.08099224101772745,0.3957741198828226,0.08508993111400047,0.0,0.09002860656557522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087526575308344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489955962815514,0.07705611392079201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171802373587705,0.0,0.08371442341965417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697518521002398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977534226824852,0.08797683523903845,0.0636412545200955,0.06803310707449474,0.14796401257097924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623327121182035,0.054236031825386055,0.0,0.0,0.29613725869288593,0.0,0.0,0.1617606693134055,0.0,0.1149345377322756,0.0,0.0,0.3524667906549846,0.10181551109492057,0.0,0.0,0.1396792331860637,0.0998496649629357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610452413014042,0.0,0.07637744512073955,0.0,0.09733565888116644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090150662144786 ptsd,zoefresh321,2019/09/09,"Sometimes I feel okay, sometimes I don’t So I made a post a couple days ago about my traumatic birth experience. And I sometimes feel like I’m okay, sometimes I don’t. Like at some moments, I feel like I’m perfectly fine, and then another moment, it comes rushing back to me. And all I want to do is talk about it, but I don’t want to at the same time. I’m probably not making any sense whatsoever.",1.4058132530120488,3.379140831325305,3.5261295180722922,88.26100150602413,80.44578313253012,7.041566265060243,24.832831325301214,8.07648339933343,1.4546397590361448,311,12,68,6,8,106,49,83,0.032,0.769,0.19899999999999998,0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,3,2,5,0,0,2,2,17,16,6,0,2,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,3,10,7,7,15,3,13,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,11,38,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153889835383055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625342549483104,0.17925839106187186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131451765642215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472602684003603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891554672311483,0.0,0.11025009029638663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16722415155418188,0.0,0.0,0.2593158566834381,0.2442567130654281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505559744085822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175919872671016,0.11411198702010633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16372504682062694,0.0,0.18431549218603765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6763047796294711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13740498234358633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968366028375616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016641902922686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,idontknowwhyimhere15,2019/09/09,"Not doing well I feel like the embodiment of toys R Us but it’s break downs R us. I just had a whole ass breakdown because I was scrolling though TikTok as you do. And my BIGGEST trigger song (fight song) starts playing. And I realised what song it is and just sobbed and sobbed for like half an hour. No my brain is filled with thoughts of stuff that has happened. So that’s fun, fresh and funky",1.880125,4.098388762500001,1.8800000000000023,99.395,80.125,4.5,22.5,5.148860815047168,-0.20112500000000025,311,10,70,1,8,92,60,80,0.195,0.6409999999999999,0.165,-0.4299,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,2,1,0,0,5,8,1,0,3,0,7,2,2,1,0,13,11,9,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,3,1,1,3,4,9,5,6,8,1,6,0,2,0,1,4,2,3,0,4,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080410486677634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761643999483076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508570797337426,0.17673248526990146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21876247108814326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243625208936304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417204396730423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510096266002126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831975870266516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430553203990614,0.1963967145187721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5951493836071963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22242956961413174,0.0,0.0,0.2761974427996614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TrueCrimeRiley,2019/09/09,Going back to therapy I have my first therapy appointment today - I am freaking out....,3.3580000000000005,6.517559800000001,6.2150000000000025,63.86250000000001,84.33333333333334,11.0,34.16666666666667,10.125756701596842,5.7456666666666685,67,4,9,3,2,24,13,15,0.18899999999999997,0.8109999999999999,0.0,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27590078559162223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052014385445471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039185458107393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8206551920074159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34010751377464404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,makeearthgreenagain,2019/09/09,"Can a girl with Ptsd from a bad relationship love someone else again? Context: Her ptsd is manageable now but her perspectives about the world, life have totally changed and she mistrusts herself and other very much.",7.140990990990992,9.76924832432433,5.484864864864863,77.70585585585587,65.75675675675676,9.257657657657658,36.65765765765766,9.725611199111238,3.9592954954954953,176,9,28,4,3,51,33,37,0.059000000000000004,0.872,0.069,0.09,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,5,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,4,2,3,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,2,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23725496036791635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005950240080413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23737244377176644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20070488433441586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564581761069692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20888433518628585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6643167103609271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30507279059144754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407609755580309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23445506927884904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ShellyPhish,2019/09/09,Work? What do you do for work? I need some ideas. Thank you.,-3.8634615384615363,-5.003548307692302,-2.522499999999999,118.93625,147.46153846153842,1.3,3.25,3.1291,-3.6016,44,0,13,0,4,13,10,13,0.0,0.794,0.20600000000000002,0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5157007526093049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33873056161643617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4205838441655361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6651492843055236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aaatyjean32,2019/09/09,"I have been having nightmares for weeks, any tips on reducing them? Tips on managing ptsd? My husband found out he was bipolar in March which had an spiraling effect on our lives , though I won’t go into details of what happened but it was very traumatic , I am struggling with my ptsd very badly. I don’t leave the house, my anxiety is horrible I’m gaining weight and I’m irritable, we can’t afford counseling rn so I’m looking for some help, can anyone give me some tips?",2.7286021505376357,5.044987451612903,4.1733333333333364,83.54666666666667,77.70967741935483,7.574193548387097,27.53763440860215,8.515128840125781,2.252195698924732,375,16,71,8,9,124,72,93,0.252,0.6809999999999999,0.067,-0.9687,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,2,0,1,2,2,2,0,1,2,0,12,2,0,1,0,10,20,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,5,1,0,2,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,2,11,0,10,14,2,9,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,2,2,44,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14425997484946285,0.0,0.16228370729040995,0.0,0.0,0.14833065022279204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17712496967957111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325965298921476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350049214370916,0.12056196166698376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759145080668765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219050639942182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24477683603813974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22462173714999534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18732026069395669,0.0,0.17814108434175704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959520213943801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177094567866826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20842286134888816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35006936818382856,0.0,0.0,0.17016296332360187,0.2583248928898769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bbycutegirl,2019/09/09,"After my life struggles, I wanna contact the artist who saved me The title says everything. But I know I must not do it because it can be harassment. I was anorexic, I was bullied at school, had loads of problems in my family and my mom's health was in risk. I was about to suicide. I follow a singer who has been my star since age 8 and another who's been my second star since age 15. But they're too famous to get a message or a postal, so I wanted to (at least) thank the actor who I admire and feel related to one of his close family members who suffered similar things. One noon, with my friend at home, I told her about this and, while I wasn't looking (we were watching tv while talking) she found a family member of his at social media. She just said: try it. They might won't replay and block you, but you tried and is off your chest. You have the right to feel free for a while. We spoke about a shout out account so I won't be giving my real name or any personal information. But I know it would be WRONG AF. Thank you so much for reading this. It means the world to me. I would like to know your opinion. Have a good day/noon/night :)",1.5443383199079437,3.4091030675105465,3.0003931722286166,92.73865650172613,79.50632911392404,5.996854622171078,20.477368622938247,6.980632752743323,0.2970438818565402,885,23,196,10,22,289,138,237,0.096,0.787,0.11800000000000001,0.7433,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,2,6,1,0,8,14,1,2,12,0,24,3,1,0,1,39,41,18,1,6,8,1,2,1,1,6,2,4,1,1,13,11,0,1,8,4,2,1,4,6,0,3,13,8,37,9,26,19,2,19,0,1,2,0,33,11,0,4,8,138,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931994978901971,0.1437101054739577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354512350447364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838666916037664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317275792874885,0.0,0.3875989483377257,0.0,0.1385943828321132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502695381693469,0.10588539693182288,0.0,0.07160358174818683,0.13147197417712786,0.0,0.11495202226068148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456789889807142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747350182234225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22595922281931435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680329716168347,0.06695628081172031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150884687980301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492889062304978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453896374174564,0.0,0.16051267838509786,0.0,0.0,0.10074838207607777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861324253942008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573884460051027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966779867916755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311394641911057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370882618251949,0.15599424014026358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704095361692418,0.1303670507164533,0.10898859426187277,0.0,0.13870310473010716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22674029448178595,0.0,0.0,0.1397064124595798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327564388843386,0.0,0.14991173986566747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015654211929472,0.0,0.25235661491565176,0.0,0.0,0.09105071008983633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309582697947049,0.0,0.18609750151207705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083633319909474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471444339876898,0.14984394393067518,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Mythical420,2019/01/14,"Trauma-Focused Counseling/treatment? I was officially diagnosed with PTSD this past Fall, but it's been years and years since the ""trauma"" occurred. Part of me wants to work through it, but a larger part of me is afraid of what that entails, and afraid that I'll come to the conclusion that my ""trauma"" isn't valid. If you have gone through TFCBT or other PTSD treatment, what was it like? Any advice/words of wisdom?",6.296923076923079,7.178868179487183,5.470923076923079,83.62407692307694,65.92307692307692,8.291282051282051,29.70256410256411,8.238735603445708,1.9554994871794864,330,11,62,4,5,99,54,78,0.0,0.89,0.11,0.8552,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,2,0,6,0,2,3,0,6,1,0,0,0,10,9,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,4,0,5,2,9,5,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,41,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609919308700105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21040078303897036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479098285772079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932879968984428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5290004993087636,0.23316540990352375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5710331687596322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204711831229152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406568726690375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781778406991602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145795319887295 ptsd,bittylilo,2019/01/14,"Surviving college with PTSD I'm in my third year of college, set to graduate May 2020. I was sexually assaulted last May in my hometown and I went through intensive therapy over the summer to ensure I could come back to school and stay on track. I survived the fall semester by distracting myself with school and work, but when I went back home for the winter, my depression skyrocketed. I thought I could do what i did in the fall, but I'm not working anymore, and I tried to combat my free time with more counseling, but nothing is working. Its begun to get in the way of my academics. Waking up suicidal has caused me to skip 2 days of classes already (we're only 6 days in) and I've failed 2 homework assignments. I dont think I can do it.",4.727959183673472,5.665860877551022,5.796061224489797,79.69001020408162,69.47619047619048,9.417414965986396,33.067346938775515,9.642632912329526,3.1403910204081638,587,27,114,13,10,195,94,147,0.15,0.7829999999999999,0.066,-0.9398,0,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,6,3,5,1,1,5,0,12,1,1,1,0,20,20,9,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,9,0,0,2,0,1,5,2,4,0,1,5,0,18,2,23,11,1,27,0,2,0,0,0,8,0,2,11,75,21,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830758367812094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452917522882424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551351984022689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042598733473002,0.0,0.1429089887516562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26491683709314257,0.0,0.0,0.21398479148767932,0.0,0.1428902553373052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443469171273048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667640525266894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16641219146496944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352314264075042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918644726091732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617515726436435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939293464415907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358012608271395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17682835149803047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18146872543925932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18972220827832065,0.0,0.0,0.10630263756100572,0.0,0.13170683238514672,0.0967381849901638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263586306545632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316844614558974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075837074359741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623336282753089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683478014944424 ptsd,chw_19,2019/01/14,"workbook for working through shit? Hi all — trauma recoveree here (grief/loss/physical injury). I'm [building a handbook for healing from trauma](https://www.littlehealinghandbook.com/), as a complement to other healing avenues \[NOT a replacement for therapy / medication / other forms of wellness!\]. I want to make it because I wish I had had a resource before traumatic things happened to me, and kept wishing for something physical to work through at my own speed while I was healing. Whatever I make, I want to make it something others find useful, too. I'm imagining this as part coloring book, part collection of wisdom from ordinary people, part journal. Is this a resource you'd find helpful to your work, if it was out in the world? What kinds of things about it would you want to know were included (or not)? ",9.519874100719424,10.28814468345324,8.419343525179857,65.6468570143885,59.0,11.266546762589927,42.55485611510791,10.9516,5.102114388489207,657,35,97,15,8,203,91,139,0.07200000000000001,0.797,0.131,0.6522,0,0,2,0,0,0,38.0,0,3,0,3,4,5,1,0,6,0,8,5,1,4,1,22,22,6,0,7,4,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,12,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,6,1,11,3,24,14,6,6,0,0,1,0,5,4,1,2,2,75,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101239083552187,0.0,0.12704399672153185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729164795104191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320262172996396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007318891723503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554738234038955,0.08205182316444437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989783593066375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040486349265514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4850346989430742,0.0,0.1035063861354681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325514070251253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298781225528053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17073849321904505,0.0,0.1983776542530156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894796737881467,0.0,0.0,0.2641844661501707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342393626551621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433771371984253,0.0,0.0,0.3260783136340132,0.0,0.0,0.10605901506017243,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sparklemeggan,2019/01/14,Am I having flashbacks? All my life I always thought that a flashback for ptsd has to only be for the traumatic event you went though. I was diagnosed with ptsd multiple times and was always so confused because I don’t have flashbacks of my traumatic events. I have flashbacks about other things though. Like other slightly traumatic events. But never the main ones. So do flashbacks have to be of the traumatic event to be considered ptsd? ,5.43766726943942,8.074082025316457,4.943074141048825,79.72430379746838,70.51898734177216,8.05858951175407,31.53887884267631,8.841846274778883,2.993996745027125,356,16,57,7,7,108,48,79,0.209,0.762,0.028999999999999998,-0.9489,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,13,2,0,0,2,7,15,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,0,8,1,9,8,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330229724429541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219880820136683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031122385737528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134695189864205,0.09776594889530532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434081646213474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356029200617422,0.1521962696843856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7017702315733984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132947334613096,0.0,0.39322341238512654,0.15886874259222614,0.11668850834631946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855083595789188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PizzaBurnVictim,2019/01/14,Looking to see if therapy has helped anyone. I think it's time to go. I just have a few questions. Do they write everything down? How do I know if I'm safe after telling them what I have been through and still going through? I recently got admitted to a psych ward this past year and it wasn't my first but definitely the scariest visit. I feel like the psych ward did more damage then good. ,1.9301582278481035,4.201420291139243,2.899224683544308,91.86503955696205,80.26582278481013,6.481645569620253,23.799050632911392,7.645422480735847,1.07483417721519,309,11,66,5,8,98,61,79,0.057999999999999996,0.763,0.179,0.8323,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,3,4,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,1,0,14,18,7,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,4,3,9,3,7,14,2,12,0,1,2,0,8,1,0,3,9,44,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18195495684286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338729188655618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157727973448272,0.1859043693263344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22134674881371397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295783056287524,0.2182638874673584,0.2081252313160956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744229356273377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14301252937741402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713250148119254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218522963828848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24841364278338104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29151089251468354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25694020954710056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20736516209369346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20781554866036428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22744760276008036,0.0,0.29758928973957344,0.0,0.0,0.16674129347480215,0.0,0.0,0.15173894518287614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675759871902647 ptsd,sleep_life,2019/01/14,"Wake up anxiety It seems like every morning I wake up with anxiety or fear or an awful dreadful feeling. I have ""nightmares"" but sometimes they aren't scary, it's mostly just a dream about me feeling awful/scared/dread/guilt, all the bad stuff. I wonder if I'm having anxiety or panic attacks in my sleep and they are causing the dreams rather than my feelings being caused by the dreams. Anyway, I have to go to school and sometimes I use the wrong coping mechanism or non at all and end up staying home and bombing the day. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do to better my situation? I'm not very good at lucid dreaming so far, I've tried moving my bed around to switch up the mood. I use cbd in the morning and night but it's just not enough in the morning to get me out of whatever is happening. If I smoke weed it calms me but then I can't goto school. Sometimes I feel an intense need to exercise and get my heart rate up and my body tired but it don't feel rested after, I just feel like I did the thing I needed to do. Any advice would be great, thanks.",3.5490101809954737,4.618730696832582,4.533526583710408,87.16101385746607,72.34841628959276,7.1539592760180994,25.577205882352942,7.413659706084162,1.1441785067873305,848,26,176,9,16,276,128,221,0.14400000000000002,0.698,0.158,0.5435,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,1,8,14,1,3,12,1,16,7,5,4,2,44,35,20,0,6,16,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,8,10,0,0,8,5,0,2,5,6,0,0,1,6,24,7,27,31,5,21,0,0,0,0,3,13,0,9,7,118,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140395736877706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872234789808964,0.0,0.2678294974779289,0.0,0.0,0.08160055862057262,0.0,0.0,0.10388927624341,0.0,0.13276505825038282,0.0,0.0,0.09744106460664667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321319089619037,0.0,0.12962930644568205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397696342988101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526295725624421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212646479797337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336308823989776,0.1205840768591057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983262354722816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132188410748485,0.3540473878064769,0.08337173468780609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194366783364845,0.0,0.06632427893790943,0.09788386891496292,0.0,0.1286640623083567,0.0,0.0,0.10319894880307932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829210441242004,0.0,0.0,0.1170613440896528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402913467925314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403546332056666,0.0,0.17306569871644173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951666204625754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692432790261005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362167494663385,0.0,0.1062408661932807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311776269839237,0.11678600423092513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34626296621124925,0.0,0.0,0.12438850974373725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359555292709904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744326775831092,0.0,0.0,0.07753143960213958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13413146380917595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923280985044877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158563891270048,0.0,0.09629114399770217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265580411272916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290155613910502,0.12759501465880788,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Seelocybin,2019/01/14,"Delayed reactions to new sources of trauma I've noticed that tend to bank new traumatic memories for later processing, like my CPU is overloaded. In the moment that means that I often freeze up, caught between fight or flight, and often find myself dissociating. I had another traumatic experience last week and it brought up a lot of old triggers. I'm experiencing a lot of anger over it now, but it's unpleasant anger with no outlet & a sense of helplessness. It was the sort of experience where anger in the moment might have helped the situation, but all I had left was fear. I've noticed that other people, healthier people, seem to be able to discharge anger in the moment, where it's warranted. I have a rage bank instead.",7.487277777777778,8.01233894074074,7.860879629629633,68.76020833333337,63.2962962962963,11.49074074074074,35.393518518518526,11.20814326018867,4.219462962962963,587,25,100,16,8,193,84,135,0.304,0.677,0.018000000000000002,-0.9931,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,6,10,6,1,9,0,9,0,0,1,1,18,15,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,3,0,2,2,1,9,0,0,6,2,6,1,18,7,3,22,0,1,0,0,2,9,0,8,12,67,16,0,0.17785348871482312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270418071610806,0.0,0.0,0.18649489024884436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479496787437874,0.0,0.20013462101732848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255486659772936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921144449490435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497433109150654,0.0,0.0,0.19323833588094,0.0,0.0,0.08689023085934204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30240935200879804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373458874728886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886744455726624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3435440153520255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40497475141362455,0.18662731822915005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24660243046439764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191113641608998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999147730845245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266334068996953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,McScoopenstein,2019/01/14,"Something I've only recently found out I was diagnosed a bit under 2 years ago, when I had a huge life change. I've had massive problems for a very long time. When I have my darkest spells, I tend to cut my hair. Does any one else do this? I shaved a part of my hair not too long ago.",0.29763440860214985,2.010225645161292,2.143225806451614,98.1015053763441,82.87096774193549,5.423655913978496,20.010752688172047,6.42735559955562,-0.11597634408602132,218,6,54,2,6,72,45,62,0.142,0.8170000000000001,0.040999999999999995,-0.6908,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,4,0,5,4,2,0,0,4,7,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,2,8,0,5,3,2,12,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,9,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027907309355319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15450093255755395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480389666816959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24034302770546465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23059895110567816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19882057264203304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897929349237176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491084641841083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047511011000018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4021222610960978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539537516433327,0.17279264114196796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460309076390448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173956938748153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243284400282523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490642399791712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247969605227258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18746032605604812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630664409766256 ptsd,Sabbeina,2019/01/14,"Having difficulty working Hi. I have an internship at a place that could’ve been my dream job. But what I’ve noticed is that many people here haven’t been very nice to me. I’ve had PTSD triggers since I got here. The things I learned about myself here is that I can never become what I really want to. I’ve always been a very caring person but this environment is toxic. They don’t take me for lunch so I can never know when I will have my lunch, they never think of me as an asset and it has come to a point where my ptsd is so overwhelming that I cannot function properly. I become really angry very fast, I have anxiety for every social event and I hate myself cause I think I’m the problem, I have had a really bad childhood (fosterchild in four families who did horrible things to me). So when I enter a building who isn’t warm and kind I start to question myself to a point where I cannot do anything. What I want to ask is, how does your job affect you? Or internship? How are people at your job? Are they understanding? Warm and helpful? ",2.3739955522609333,4.278815967136153,4.016847047195451,86.23096367679764,77.12206572769955,7.113318507536447,21.53916481344205,8.032893268588372,1.0317004694835683,823,22,168,14,19,275,110,213,0.132,0.752,0.11599999999999999,-0.8521,3,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,3,1,13,9,1,1,10,0,28,2,0,5,3,25,42,15,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,5,2,0,6,1,0,2,8,4,0,1,7,2,33,5,15,34,0,19,0,1,0,0,14,8,0,2,9,122,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072322667531723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260285391233666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961376620942927,0.0,0.11316533031210825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107162305647957,0.0,0.26738024218404177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341845625031014,0.1243516077952736,0.0,0.10427378357950516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966485074833938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059315966612243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019897745199636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11411508702265954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681467542328398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195117303638723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113720663445145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36037008802090736,0.0,0.0,0.12605485917115133,0.06652586774598543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272561462645852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28008347161874064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781613093610068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784153939182442,0.10569611696818547,0.12647139737656504,0.0,0.2288625935868177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158284208390078,0.2830017464570569,0.0,0.13560360876330851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23264302629473665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100133740870424,0.0,0.0,0.12339514452106265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567975312316649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101447149317148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608403699226237,0.15512779594612344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260172309308745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996365726021353,0.1427967527337517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812578007021632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gothicbambi,2019/01/14,"Are these symptoms? Having a really hard time right now and tonight I was standing talking to my mom and had to walk away because I felt like I was gonna black out. Am now experiencing incredibly strong auditory hallucinations. The auditory stuff has been a thing since I was a child, but it’s been a minute - this is the first time since it got this bad. Is this experience potentially related to PTSD?",4.858859649122807,6.775358394736844,6.118421052631582,73.75728070175441,70.3157894736842,9.803508771929828,29.771929824561404,10.125756701596842,3.0852350877192998,322,13,62,9,6,108,55,76,0.10099999999999999,0.8440000000000001,0.055,-0.6539,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,6,0,12,1,0,0,0,5,15,3,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,4,5,2,5,6,0,11,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,7,42,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233961139195594,0.0,0.19853101502878115,0.14494457293669574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325881952437968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282999333447578,0.0,0.0,0.2022500933603696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19016926017627994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299843227641524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116164165191097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27847755372828426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779446014616827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232384967193652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20305734585694024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39337753985656937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721938726040873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471378008811128,0.0,0.19111340415708808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15796620719397866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772953837733469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwitawayar,2019/01/14,"I’m afraid to attribute to my trauma every bad thing that I feel. Hey guys, Just wanted to know if anyone can relate to. It’s been roughly a year since my traumatic episode took place and ever since my life has became a mess. Gaining weight, becoming way more introvert, not being able to keep a job and a constant feeling of irritability. The thing is: it’s hard for me to separate what is related to my PTSD traits and what is just... life. It seems like sometimes it’s too easy to make it all about that specific event, but then I realize I’d never feel this way if it weren’t for what happened, even if what I’m feeling isn’t directly connected to it. Does that even make sense? I shuffle between validating the severity of my feelings and not wanting to voluntarily associate every little bad thing to the trauma...",5.804339622641512,6.41246770440252,6.6411886792452846,75.76819811320756,66.9245283018868,9.882012578616353,32.8811320754717,9.888512548439397,3.201215849056603,651,27,121,14,10,216,96,159,0.1,0.826,0.07400000000000001,-0.6369,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,7,0,9,3,0,3,3,29,25,9,0,5,8,0,8,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,18,4,1,1,8,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,8,9,1,17,21,2,11,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,4,7,80,27,1,0.14318315292013886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011698969588917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391039038480459,0.0,0.1581345430712903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547301215596968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530054201465385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914224422255024,0.12951735920647262,0.2412759635479297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36198852144398863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177383261417173,0.1266163892576546,0.0,0.12826398097904587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420871857503016,0.12726776518389996,0.0,0.0,0.07868971628196371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20226899067278206,0.06995205605636473,0.14350713478992316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191151732819193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043167449339604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495959198209174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737344352302644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034856483535653,0.0,0.1617562073356241,0.0,0.23688516741882965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416117994217574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853735735749449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908175128571053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890626667974176,0.2273042443216518,0.0,0.1743585064907474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220525603649986 ptsd,stinkerbox,2019/01/14,"Help talking to people? I've been having a lot of extra social anxiety since turning 30 and going off medication. I find myself preoccupied with what to say and panicing inside. Although I feel like I used to be fine? But somehow now I feel so not like myself and out of place, all the time, that I'm just never sure what to say or do? Cheers. **Tl;Dr** Help talking to people and making new friends. ",0.9554545454545468,3.5460348717948733,2.90878787878788,86.83772727272729,91.30769230769228,4.374825174825175,19.91142191142191,6.1124844417494595,0.32803589743589745,312,10,57,3,11,104,57,78,0.043,0.733,0.22399999999999998,0.9358,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,2,3,20,11,8,0,0,4,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,4,6,6,10,9,3,8,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,3,6,41,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930521646649614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19736855863010272,0.27886028264924706,0.0,0.0,0.1783826813244281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078856549132724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109201292283896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616379018191303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907013021018284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592733333049822,0.0,0.0,0.13027810189835076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661416475973667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505278422567521,0.18849728677489755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289910178998867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706138775667671,0.0,0.20391206711624585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104154918405927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614473984831149,0.0,0.0,0.1989521703194229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394627849427467,0.0,0.0,0.3137419785345553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380573059129667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122899117730628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856500724053716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,creativenamereddit,2019/01/14,Can a PTSD flashback be a mere subconscious thought that you don’t even notice but thinking back on you could see yourself subconsciously thinking about it when your reminded of it? Wow I hope you can understand that ,9.816923076923079,9.518142615384617,8.050897435897442,72.07326923076926,58.74358974358975,11.902564102564106,42.57692307692308,11.20814326018867,4.847707692307692,178,9,30,4,2,53,32,39,0.0,0.785,0.215,0.8765,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,4,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,7,11,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,2,3,8,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,2,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520712987353459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26173547045296525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165202606914644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255965851496674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37322221321178256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832009266189424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26122797653015484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42010422829619537,0.0,0.2602503496150078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34126941099985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FatBabyCake,2019/03/08,"It took a 3 night festival of loud Carnaval music to finally admit to myself that I have PTSD As I begin to read into triggers and information on PTSD, I realize there is explanation for my emotional freakouts, constant negativity, and inability to live a normal life. I have been on emotional edge since the day my mother called me to tell me she had cancer of the blood and bone marrow. It was coupled with a bad experience with my last work contract. Then I went home and was her sole caretaker while my father worked for money to pay for her treatment. She withered away and died after an 11 month ordeal and no one helped me and the experience has left me traumatized and with serious PTSD. My boyfriend moved me to live with him in another country but it has been an insane struggle. At first the language and culture shock was too much to bear. Now that is better but I still feel as if I am Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde. One minute I’m my normal happy self, the next I am freaking out about how dirty my roommate and my apartment is. I have been seeing a therapist since September and honestly it has been life changing. And immensely helpful. But I am still ruled by my triggers. Every little thing just gets to me. It’s such a struggle to have a productive week go by without OCD, depression, and distraction. Then I feel like shit for being unproductive. Any dirt or crumbs in the house, loud persistent noises, and especially when my body is sick are huge triggers for me. Right now I have a bad earache/ear infection and apparently they are having a 3 day carnaval celebration outside my apartment in the street. I am struggling with my diet and with my mood of course. I had an episode today and I feel on edge like I will have another one with this music going until 3am for the second night in a row. But honestly this is the first time I’ve admitted to myself and to my boyfriend what we are dealing with. Trauma and PTSD. I’m not a crazy bitch with OCD, I mean I am, but right now I can’t control the state of crisis that is everything and every day in my life. I’m thinking I’m going to grab some cash and go have a beer and wurst and enjoy the carnaval festival. Perhaps it will help me not be so freaked out about the noise. It seems worse in my apartment. Anyways, I am rambling but I want you to know that I get up everyday hoping to do good for myself and not have a freak out. I don’t win everyday, I haven’t won the past 3, but I get up and try. And at least I’m feeding myself and keeping a journal now. I’m making serious progress with the depression, now I need to figure out how to work on this PTSD and OCD. I feel completely ruled by Mr. Hyde. I fear what sets him off and how he is uncontrollable. Thank you for your support.",4.469598768401808,5.491188197440586,5.448078995477727,81.64116111806024,70.13345521023766,8.609814298085249,29.385596074280766,8.916525866297963,2.2851638025594148,2172,82,430,39,38,715,257,547,0.141,0.7020000000000001,0.157,0.9315,1,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,1,3,1,11,19,35,2,6,30,0,45,14,4,8,0,88,80,50,1,6,14,2,5,2,0,2,7,2,1,3,17,46,3,2,13,2,3,7,9,19,0,6,12,8,67,15,70,64,3,71,0,2,1,0,27,30,2,5,34,302,84,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05221805627786804,0.1610365408658878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07214427772596968,0.0,0.12822852138432844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791220369668527,0.0,0.08529347642447642,0.0,0.0,0.07840850742074941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812308737492053,0.0,0.08051011427616545,0.08297988607424182,0.08612358382874796,0.0,0.08496378314101119,0.0,0.1485645363626569,0.07916442422286281,0.13227372772518234,0.0,0.0796931844894325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275095003861066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293933706368592,0.0,0.06901155211159284,0.1502255975633726,0.0,0.0864071584833561,0.1553040401794888,0.05485692458010495,0.0,0.08411682906617854,0.0,0.13063062422605798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035472119695892,0.0,0.1745601662794181,0.06440561702097289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174160126420099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440690059231374,0.0,0.07702400997194342,0.07626720127046578,0.0,0.0886023348686703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825215768869504,0.0,0.0,0.04220033970420255,0.06259196904046763,0.0,0.0,0.08342972059831001,0.0,0.16271160682734706,0.07502887716631995,0.07696113449451633,0.1356093389744323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05125617705312435,0.0,0.0,0.08364397538267694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061290959669286826,0.0816128401563639,0.05644756467841582,0.056936874454164225,0.0,0.0,0.08166425715550414,0.14411952186512636,0.15047067141055728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156099362012053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330224951795522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44880173089103004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680816670768865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115201779272084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061189605702847726,0.06990435314694524,0.08010599129593866,0.0,0.07882114924003204,0.12703863996842002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226450128175642,0.0,0.0,0.24082454750867102,0.0,0.0,0.08713741673944092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711556073560207,0.07069550919299437,0.0,0.08915607463657395,0.05101412787880488,0.04920225701892987,0.0,0.0,0.04477534283849985,0.0,0.07278546431534856,0.0,0.08531361227610865,0.052133595282761666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045291190315852624,0.0,0.061594210067711826,0.0,0.0,0.07118267700279321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402030085574891,0.0,0.16770639669944304,0.0,0.07825290743230165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OptimalStay,2019/03/08,"I gave my lover PTSD She loved me so much. Any sign of discomfort on my face or in my speech would upset her badly. My words and actions affected her to the extent I couldn't realize. Here, we have a norm of 'saving oneself' until marriage, and she broke that norm just for me. I was supposed to be her first and last. I was supposed to fulfill her dreams of having a happy family life. I ruined her dreams. I body shamed her. I mistreated her. She developed PTSD and didnt tell anyone. Months of nightmares and sleepless nights passed by until she started her treatment. I have a lot guilt on my chest. She was the only one who loved me with my unattractive body, and I made her insecure about hers. I'm paralysed and depressed by these thoughts. Everytime I read that PTSD is incurable or how people are having it for years, it makes me more suicidal. I have no one to explain how it feels to give someone PTSD. There seems to be no redemption.",2.700295893719808,5.047882157608697,3.4031884057971027,88.87031400966184,77.96739130434783,6.480193236714977,24.352657004830927,7.594959193182576,1.246764251207729,743,26,145,11,18,234,111,184,0.192,0.695,0.11199999999999999,-0.9303,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,0,1,7,14,0,5,5,0,15,8,4,5,0,28,27,14,1,2,3,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,7,9,0,0,5,3,0,2,4,9,0,3,7,2,38,5,21,16,4,13,0,3,0,3,25,3,0,4,8,109,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512373710228723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780790403386608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679462073684715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107520580531761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204791234924101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186716415661032,0.0,0.07072793274008812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898253250048535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418640433747686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489057070144417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140215173088215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880194205221264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892164945619385,0.2524957570271945,0.13235859010658033,0.0933715166440652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165151577653028,0.0,0.10282847898361508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131268650026486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189573693243254,0.10638564762756696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969757303996317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6540526538660022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991864841410234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734222192551808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852054340582766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900834644017714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530068858131492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226198004983772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104972614309212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936730316779352,0.0,0.0,0.09007864560480616 ptsd,amanduhhh89,2019/03/08,"How do you do it? How do I feel secure when things in my current situation are so rocky? I am safe. I am ok. But there are serious changes in my life right now and I keep getting comfortable and then having to move. This probably is not going to make sense because my mind is so scrambled. It's very hard for me to function when I don't feel safe or secure , when I say secure I mean knowing that all my ducks are in a row per say ( feeling in control of the ducks at the very least) I just maintained that. Got my own apartment with my boyfriend. Found a new job that I LOVE. And now we have to move again. And I am so anxious. I feel safe here. This was finally home. And now that's being ripped away from me. I don't mean to but I keep going off on my boyfriend because well , my brain hurts and is so loud. No he doesn't deserve it but it's just how I react sometimes. I know he is stressed too but in that moment I just cannot express my feelings that well under so much stress. Are there any suggestions as to how I can communicate , how I can ease the anxiety in the meantime and maybe a way I could explain to my poor bf why I am the way I am. I have been diagnosed with PTSD. I am on meds for depression but I don't currently have a therapist due to ins and finance issues. I just want my brain to stfu and calm down and realize I am not in danger I am just making a few adjustments.",0.8357323202805347,2.73712330847458,2.6572413793103458,94.1296610169492,82.01694915254237,5.967270601987143,22.714786674459386,7.0983637204850245,0.6107767387492697,1076,37,249,14,29,357,146,295,0.102,0.775,0.12300000000000001,-0.1465,3,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,1,0,1,28,18,1,2,10,1,34,5,2,9,1,57,55,31,0,2,13,0,6,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,13,13,0,9,13,0,2,4,8,6,2,0,4,9,42,12,31,49,5,37,0,2,0,1,11,17,0,1,14,183,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766731156852917,0.0,0.08737100689066972,0.12902578010088633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730487680760828,0.0,0.0,0.13924377886451467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25499421697191066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081996210068373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809720804297248,0.09118809039404333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983696594229299,0.11592163417025968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28874225067584697,0.0,0.0,0.12511243115743054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252263295882545,0.0,0.0,0.05967046839255578,0.0,0.12981734469139986,0.0,0.09134487022973713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231051084382044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114562819973901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226510402733852,0.0,0.0,0.11920648075309108,0.1133366705719904,0.20303174703494306,0.0,0.0,0.1255346202341597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067051874437392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307977392475264,0.0,0.15247329206636787,0.0,0.11474017508607752,0.2488182502354141,0.12686253530716968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532042605377603,0.0,0.0,0.2427761711652772,0.0839581345164198,0.0,0.0,0.11030557492529257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231386404106973,0.0,0.13350640123455765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097535463351456,0.0,0.18165014403673585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837780893113068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295747590057698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616563432415598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13260762886650562,0.07587663055239433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847186627963566,0.06736453327279028,0.18131055325123566,0.0,0.0,0.20537858589221175,0.0,0.10305755046923093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Uuainaliante,2019/03/08,"Terrified of what a therapist would say to me about this all I'll leave this as a trigger warning for a few things To keep this part quick and simple, my family life is terrible and quite terrifying, to say the least, and I'm sure this has played a very large part, but that's not quite what I'm wanting to bring up. I don't want to call this PTSD, no, definitely not. I feel as though this can never be on that ""level"" I suppose, in a way. I know things like this can't be on a scale, but that's just what it feels like. I feel like if I were to go to a therapist, I'll have my fears that this all was just me overreacting, confirmed, which isn't a bad thing you know, but just for this, I just don't know how I would react. I'd probably feel dreadful for wasting their time, for one. All of this panicking and crap for what's deemed as something so small. I don't want to call this abuse, or toxic. I can't do that because it doesn't feel like that, speaking from an emotional standpoint. I guess I'll just say it was really bad. Not so long ago, I broke up with a girl who i guess you could say wasn't the best. She kind of treated me like crap, made me feel like everything was my fault. Even looking back and knowing it wasn't, a part of me feels so guilty for something I know wasn't my doing[yet it still feels so]. She disregarded my feelings, then up and left for about three months, putting quite a bit in front of me, which I could understand at first. You can't put everything on hold for one person, and I could understand that even at 13-14.(ive just turned 16 a few months ago) It was online, so it's not like she could've drove near me and do anything, but that really didn't make me any less terrified everytime I saw messages of her being blatantly angry with me, being upset with soemthing I might've done wrong or said. We never called much, which I suppose I'm thankful for, but the times we did, I guess it was okay. I guess I was terrified of what my parents would think, given they weren't (still kind of aren't) the most supportive. My father was upset when I came out, being that he couldn't quite accept that I'm gay. She led me on though, and for a while. She was really upset when I wouldn't just accept her confession and that she wanted to go out, so i guess I kind of forced myself to liking her just a bit. It all kind of felt rushed, but I was truly in love with her, despite the fact that others would probably say it was just puppy love(I imagine for good reason). She kind of made me think my friends were the bad ones, like she was in the right. I gave her three chances, and I accepted her with no hesitation for every one of those. I have flashbacks almost every day, I'm kind of terrified to do much or go anywhere near that reminds me of her. I can't even say her name without breaking down. I've had at least three panic attacks, one being in school to which the teacher had to escort me out and I had to go home. This may be a bit disorganised, and I'm really sorry about that, but my brain is a bit jumbled and I guess this isn't the easiest to think and talk about. This wouldn't be so hard if I didn't hear her, if I didn't see her in my head everytime. The flashbacks aren't just flashbacks to me you know, they literally drag me in to a point at which I'm choking and trying to get out. I tend to panic and not get ""out"" of it for a while, and I more often than not, dissociate from my body in a way so it seems. I would go into depth a bit more, but I've been told that's what I do whenever I panic that way by an old therapist. The memories aren't really in order, and I don't think I can remember specific things because they're going so fast, maybe?... I don't think fast is the right word, but they're kind of just thrown at me all at once. I can phsycially feel her, hear her sometimes, and being shizoafective doesn't help at all. I'm so utterly frustrated at the fact that I'm unable to let go, but I don't think my family would deem it ""normal"" for me to say that there are memories holding me down or anything like that. They wouldn't really understand, unfortunately. I haven't told anyone about this but a friend who has been here from beginning to now with this whole ordeal, given my family's reaction won't be anywhere near supportive. I'm going to a placement centre sometime soon, but I don't know when. I'm terrified that I'm just overreacting, you know. I'm terrified that a part of me just ""wants"" this in a way, like I deserve this. Again, I really apologise for the mess, I'm not the most organised when it comes to my emotions and such. She told me she was sorry and it was heavily implied that she, at the very least, attempted suicide. How am I supposed to handle that?.. Everytime I think about it, I just think about the fact that this is just It's nothing compared to something else so much worse. She could've been here, you know?.. Phsycially been here, but she wasn't. I know comparing isn't a thing of suggestion with something like this, but I have such a habit and compulsion to do exactly that. I feel as though my problems and this is nothing whatsoever. I feel pathetic for even being so distraught over it. I'll probably delete this because I wouldn't want anyone finding this and making connections, if anyone I know happen to find this. I really apologise for this though, I hope I'm not taking up anyone's important time.",4.828211377737102,4.860098952209199,5.6020728638143815,84.37983378867611,68.9458972046889,9.326035287942616,27.823654495780787,9.173290809141736,1.9473855456711031,4234,125,921,75,67,1385,344,1109,0.16699999999999998,0.735,0.09699999999999999,-0.998,1,0,4,0,1,1,143.0,2,6,4,7,62,57,4,9,45,1,100,8,5,10,14,196,204,76,1,27,46,2,14,12,2,12,1,11,1,2,88,42,0,4,45,1,0,17,47,22,0,9,45,28,133,35,126,131,30,99,1,1,3,2,71,46,2,21,42,643,221,1,0.0,0.044259588591551914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622594006510768,0.0,0.03740565511232215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025402693542114985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447798994680793,0.0,0.061479994752854976,0.0,0.0,0.04249672629592082,0.0,0.028723703443281155,0.09356964039655052,0.06831381769318037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039201787300346916,0.0,0.20391002671685574,0.04149300447383572,0.0,0.04170055469882985,0.1144309513076307,0.04272418968016544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0321780408033678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912471335683375,0.0,0.0,0.0240908966326686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038227153316850886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03120532467032055,0.08403873594199605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869054967806176,0.0,0.06294642839975953,0.0,0.06714456393504296,0.0,0.10564496080729346,0.04203478113236413,0.2266538369910925,0.10674573073773667,0.035866675814739554,0.0,0.06828362034217535,0.03177415965821942,0.0,0.0,0.05772078926891331,0.0,0.039032910795505166,0.0,0.16983774290871534,0.03133161722582211,0.0,0.0,0.24690458595702586,0.0,0.03303291949784205,0.0,0.03346275930781545,0.0,0.03833702591005786,0.0,0.08420364147219007,0.0,0.025038281494446698,0.0,0.03747012930336464,0.03710196202782799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033202856807385064,0.0,0.2722965240007394,0.22582275377926986,0.0,0.0,0.039553570958771614,0.04058633690586837,0.03819803730212348,0.02638495428979326,0.21899730200484166,0.0,0.0,0.033058015883759416,0.03136880744306162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742872527757238,0.07069244343351237,0.04986952983819734,0.0,0.037528136944826165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039627771470036266,0.0,0.0,0.059632838767341025,0.0,0.08238071017585502,0.0,0.057620986271044165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036599986914284365,0.07168629545348443,0.0,0.0391978081313735,0.03978187557276605,0.12656363647506186,0.0,0.0,0.1314841968846126,0.041478327382302914,0.1618073792872386,0.0,0.0,0.032616961309038836,0.0,0.0,0.035312566697007504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082508390105502,0.03574370780461267,0.0436660176331675,0.07510422224735698,0.0,0.15892664120416242,0.0,0.0,0.19144465107788586,0.038407180493516296,0.0,0.0,0.04231595404142044,0.06380196339921143,0.03553317681218701,0.2079434702553296,0.0,0.03780527301713491,0.029767113378578517,0.034006605891308585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503087298741566,0.07389013693518619,0.08363176983368252,0.0,0.0,0.059663532064364075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040860327280511685,0.08478006464678588,0.035206662863237946,0.0,0.028086325026953875,0.030024548892015567,0.0,0.03439148223513175,0.0,0.13011616686912533,0.12408507221407182,0.19148470023186104,0.14680446408066852,0.0,0.06534603507551218,0.0,0.0,0.1070829629893449,0.0,0.02536160551762912,0.04063153337072475,0.0,0.11666367498008685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164360480261603,0.13219774649929006,0.11860269982767682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041705544137115684,0.0,0.036008904822654016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806795518592999,0.15921560027211307,0.04084184864705339,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ManicTypist,2019/03/08,"Had a very bad nightmare I'm supposed to work in an hour after waking up from a hellish nightmare. I feel so sick to my stomach. I can't seem to stop focusing on what happened. I feel like I'm going to throw up. Just needed a place to vent.",0.7078846153846143,2.499114019230774,2.7621538461538457,93.78284615384615,81.88461538461539,4.929230769230768,23.861538461538462,5.6839178017228535,0.34080307692307743,187,7,42,1,5,63,38,52,0.22399999999999998,0.696,0.08,-0.8704,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,4,0,2,3,2,0,0,6,10,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,1,11,9,0,10,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,4,24,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27950886144886605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385273025091835,0.23915110876175766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025062756844646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960253030804933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296690970562305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354579937555086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482187391905068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497507531546913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047510171291748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798725916593314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27621032400512857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24370773622537775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MyGucciCoffin,2019/03/08,"Just Found Out So yesterday was I guess what you would call a breakthrough for me in thearpy. For the past month or so I have had a few family and friends say they think I have ptsd which I ignored heavily cause of that ""what do they know right?"" However my sister-in-law was one of them and her dad and older brother were combat vets and suffered ptsd badly so when she said it it took me off balance and I guess triggered me. Well then Wednesday I had to follow up with my PCD on bipolar meds and we discussed how I feel like I've had set backs dealing with my depression that still persisted through the medication and even he said it sounded alot like I had ptsd. Well I went to my normal therapist session yesterday and it felt different from the start. He was delving deeper into things I was saying more so then the content itself and finally mentioned ptsd twice which took me off guard again and got me flustered. He caught me lying twice and I guess cornered me for lack of a better words and in a revelation or release I'm not sure which finally drove the nail home that I suffer from PTSD. A huge chunk of the issues lays with my dad and how he was physically and mentally abusive to me, my brothers, and my mother who left when I was 2. I caught alot of the mental. It hurt alot to finally admit it to myself and, that I felt very exposed. Even now I still feel hypervigilant but I know where it comes from now. My biggest worry is now that I know I'm afraid it will hurt to much and well make things worse and lead somewhere I dont wanna go to. Sorry for the length I just felt I had to kinda tell someone or some people to I guess vent about it. The last question is how do you guys cope with it? How do you handle or deal with your triggers now that you are aware of it? I've stayed non violent about it this whole time(alot of temper flares and screaming and yelling but no physical violence) but, I'm afraid some triggers may make.me that way now that I feel kinda vulnerable. Anyway thanks for reading my story/venting/acceptance.",3.5419492219492237,5.276290926289931,4.151203931203933,87.26752661752661,73.39803439803441,7.095495495495496,26.338247338247342,7.793537801064563,1.4222684684684683,1625,57,327,22,33,515,209,407,0.138,0.8140000000000001,0.048,-0.986,2,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,1,5,3,3,30,21,2,2,17,0,24,2,0,10,1,82,58,39,0,4,10,5,6,2,1,3,2,7,1,1,30,29,0,2,13,1,0,10,3,12,3,3,25,13,52,9,41,30,10,51,0,5,0,0,35,14,0,17,26,233,82,3,0.0,0.09373521466497546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083252451973701,0.06605551932588721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996845686623103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078256882837734,0.0,0.0,0.08127019022278624,0.0,0.06814829640729521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312274672505567,0.06813936309746589,0.0,0.0,0.08265558206096385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271910128568914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450594045109693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458009585923378,0.0,0.12000476473619807,0.056517888573309576,0.2278808274409999,0.25999118299241586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674262360196816,0.06112201609784203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496137954613199,0.0,0.06327338445805482,0.0,0.3486047521442811,0.0783336782832461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935615141360985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938284357882594,0.0,0.0,0.08257275386797333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043425868734887,0.06448713556020542,0.0,0.0,0.08595581485054181,0.0,0.0,0.07730060975756016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056162344337083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787600168050733,0.07969738358045182,0.15945331075727015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314673408425582,0.0,0.05815669024738624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751331947085872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05360858521868093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552170308743916,0.054846551948551855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4623905990385576,0.0,0.08862395327637441,0.0,0.07913377282327096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756152650290928,0.15050794922457236,0.1258266542126599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703164919810707,0.0,0.0,0.08855981435476304,0.05599613835331338,0.08432325367610234,0.12635847199879532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456246671377642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914769306199216,0.07283603559234371,0.0,0.09185555206591056,0.10511747850204926,0.05069200836606392,0.0,0.0,0.046131055591400204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17579349441533787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527598552959707,0.0,0.06279571208166942,0.0,0.0,0.21339454846111972,0.07333795392264507,0.0,0.08832612902231844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034244573994058,0.08062225756637327,0.0561991534657272,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,XOSkyXO,2019/03/08,"I’m writing a story with a character with PTSD I’m writing a supernatural story where a character dies to a stabbing and comes back with full memory of the event. Now I don’t want to put any information while writing, Can anyone tell me their experience with PTSD I want to be as accurate as possible.",5.343813559322033,6.410292152542375,7.362500000000002,68.54849576271188,68.15254237288136,11.323728813559322,33.39406779661017,11.20814326018867,4.1944203389830506,243,11,44,8,4,86,39,59,0.0,0.948,0.052000000000000005,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,12,8,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,10,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,29,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803265100605793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854148977746905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390141657043687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284227768617613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27520736808206564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593897557792634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29894234465806885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6199453262685171,0.2665717764580097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317726032123404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128114245649842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,67284questionacct,2019/03/08,"Is it possible to have PTSD from a person?... help I remember when it happened, it was caused by a person’s lie and I felt like something in my brain snapped, I felt so much panic I thought I was going to die. I feel silly saying this but this is the truth. Fast forward I obsessed over this issue and would be paranoid day and night scared that I’d find out other lies.. scared to death. I hated remembering that moment for the life of me, I hated so much, so much fear of feeling that way again.. or living that moment again. I was near this person every single day for years.. and every single day I had a ridiculous amount of stress. I found out I had untreated major depression for a while, I’ve finally started to treat it and feel it slow down.. then I noticed that when I am away from that person I feel so much better, my anxiety goes away, I feel happier and more in control. Then when they approach me I swear I feel the stress arriving, anxious and just miserable, I feel that I want to stay away from them. Is it possible that a person is my PTSD..? I’m confused. 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The doctor explained the difference between PTS and PTSD so I'm not sure if this is the right place to put this but I couldn't find a PTS subreddit. I had a phone appointment with my doctor earlier today with a lot of support and encouragement from my boyfriend to get checked out after years of abuse from my ex-husband. My bf was worried it was full blown PTSD but we found out it's PTS specifically. Divorce related stress from the beginning of the week has caused nightmares and I've had episodes of shaking, sweating, heart racing etc from flashes of fights that pop into my head randomly since separating from my ex. I'm across the country from my family so I don't have many people I'm comfortable talking to except over the phone. I'm trying not to put this on my guy too much so had to vent. He's been amazing, he holds me after the nightmares and through the episodes if I want, reminds me I'm safe now, tells me I'll never get hit again, all the right things but it's hard seeing him so concerned. He offered to cut our time in NY short, said we could fly out tonight but I'd feel selfish for taking him up on that because the whole reason we're out here is so he can take care of some stuff in the east coast office. He'll be back with a late dinner and bourbon soon - I stayed home to try to process this diagnosis, he has enough on his plate with running his businesses so I don't want to pile on even though he says that's why he's here. He and his little sister sat with me during the appointment and she let me know she's there for me to talk to if I wanted when they get back from picking up food. She even offered to stay with me or go get the food so my guy could stay with me but I needed some time alone. She's a couple years older than me but we get along really well so I can't figure out why I'm nervous to talk to her about it. I'm trying to figure out what the next steps for me would be. The doctor said it normally takes about a month to get through it but might be longer since I was abused for so long. He suggested I find a support group out here and there are tons, I'm just hesitant to go. So far we all sat and watched some new episodes of stuff on Hulu today after I found out. They were really understanding when I told them I didn't know what to say at that point and I just needed to veg. Now I'm sitting on his balcony watching life pulse through the city while I smoke some hookah until they get back. What were your first steps after being diagnosed? What advice do you have for someone who's recently been diagnosed? Also, any advice on how to get an appetite back? I have my fav food coming but can't get hungry even though I haven't been eating much the past few days.",3.3951511387163578,4.483730234782608,4.1350248447204985,89.80073188405797,72.73913043478261,7.2153209109730865,24.646997929606627,7.536579438409214,0.95236066252588,2195,63,479,25,42,701,261,575,0.07200000000000001,0.858,0.069,-0.1874,0,1,1,0,4,0,35.0,6,2,4,1,40,16,2,3,26,1,38,15,3,4,4,90,87,42,0,13,18,2,2,0,1,3,7,4,1,2,23,34,5,2,12,0,1,10,10,6,1,1,19,9,61,10,84,56,15,84,0,0,3,0,58,32,0,11,38,313,84,3,0.0,0.15695022732930775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944397680021713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685972725819573,0.0,0.052966397615847184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0450406189154309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20371593720702155,0.0,0.040374939298931545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752881929748777,0.06803939627253279,0.0,0.05705374789751558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057631053816004,0.07328540452949696,0.0,0.04271471813664697,0.0,0.0,0.2016748890854728,0.0,0.06919924620043502,0.0,0.20337642927679425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777275518606299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843625393655582,0.0738671515118576,0.1312385465512103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243844984611777,0.0,0.03348932624248148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107127604003767,0.056337640500652424,0.2402671270852285,0.14524183405488594,0.0,0.0,0.31143544121553524,0.0,0.1129249892800662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116189745805554,0.0,0.0,0.059331636912572025,0.0,0.06797402690794152,0.0,0.0,0.07848626304157336,0.0,0.0,0.06643696314592686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279970011156141,0.0,0.07471355578070632,0.0,0.0,0.06772759111509226,0.0467822307621595,0.0,0.06638272998177287,0.0,0.11722800127885193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056308812680385074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714972869596572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026260228233594,0.0,0.0,0.052866440350355016,0.0,0.09737755215765254,0.09822165922375256,0.05108286804040422,0.06396811302106074,0.07043940253118489,0.0,0.06489414440177471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322676333667712,0.04591752857941863,0.0,0.06919924620043502,0.0,0.06261146507510201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484534791630097,0.13316464443326873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848609376629788,0.06809841552261674,0.06539696306002396,0.0,0.0,0.11312500836794705,0.1260052421605596,0.10534206409697533,0.0,0.0,0.052779017613789364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957701948736434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0561188909499153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117862622000741,0.0,0.0,0.07586952222718388,0.0,0.15164156699721226,0.0,0.15032053892437555,0.06242369072705543,0.0,0.14939661341542548,0.15970640229678626,0.057890442690968935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04400217198559656,0.0,0.1301469056968149,0.0,0.07724183155593238,0.0,0.1883430327260061,0.06328834014317042,0.0,0.13490330157026925,0.0,0.0,0.06895074751738701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719757811670077,0.0,0.05312800860097568,0.0,0.0595512992129205,0.0,0.119529716255127,0.07394662762932007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726268867119764,0.0,0.0470499264533948,0.0,0.0,0.08530358610157407 ptsd,chrysalistice,2019/03/08,"sexual assault I want to remain as sensitive and non-triggering as I can for anyone who may be easily upset by this topic. I was r*ped about 3-4 years ago now by my boyfriend at that time. Not going into any detail but, does anyone have any tips, advice or can even just provide comfort/reassurance? Does anyone understand? I almost immediately repressed it after it happened and I forgot about it until 2 years later. Ever since the memories resurfaced I’ve been dealing with heavy flashbacks (visual and physical). I’m having trouble being sexual and affectionate with people now. I’m having trouble getting too close in any intimate relations because of my lack of trust. Halp",5.865000000000002,8.233338614754096,7.061442622950818,66.16511475409837,68.59016393442622,9.142295081967212,31.052459016393442,9.642632912329526,3.6348400000000014,549,23,76,13,10,185,92,122,0.134,0.779,0.087,-0.7178,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,1,2,1,0,10,0,0,0,1,20,18,9,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,0,7,2,17,12,1,15,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,10,55,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20362028213408767,0.18471063459641454,0.0,0.20865607302815445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251036050232929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43709902355769614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702261989190236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482404443687747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646983043352138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762880558420448,0.18848586177325266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886661202687267,0.0,0.1184235257372353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842640970296587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446002595658158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236880521575665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150432892097487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692427890276367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229041552000812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683715488108029 ptsd,mona_monster,2019/03/08,"PTSD & affection Affection - how do you cope with recieving affection? I am married and learning to be real about how difficult this is for me, first recieving affection and also giving because I never think to be affectionate. I don't know if I make sense. This is my first time speaking in a semi public way about this...",4.823,7.016948633333339,6.200000000000002,71.985,71.0,10.133333333333336,32.0,10.355215969177356,4.016399999999999,258,12,42,8,5,87,43,60,0.037000000000000005,0.687,0.276,0.9468,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,7,1,16,11,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,1,7,1,7,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,34,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370121652016517,0.0,0.32112379391294754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806683522736297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041953675708108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843113272011738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628807633342775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978336028223576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22858381358644725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464482467471518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33734132105040443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18990608220659705,0.0,0.0,0.17281950977666066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352498558488121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ThrowWealthAway,2019/03/08,"How do I support and care for someone with PTSD from many different experiences? Hi! I appreciate whoever is reading this right now, it means a lot to me. I still care a lot about my ex. I know a lot of people would say stay away, they’re not your issue anymore but I simply cannot leave them because I care. My ex has been through a lot. Child abuse, job at 15 to pay off the house, texts from her dad all the time after he left about how much he hates her, sexually assaulted twice, sexually abused, physically abused, abortion, etc. Is there any advice out there, I would gladly take any. I had issues with fully understanding her situation, but I really want to be able to know what to do when she gets into a bad headspace and everything. Everyday is so sad for her and I’m not sure how to be there for her. I listen to everything she says and give her validation but I’m not really sure what to do after that. I’ll make sure she’s not in pain, be there in person when she needs me, and everything I could try. But there must be something I can do. I would love any advice or ideas that would cheer her up after having flashbacks or having really bad headspace moments.",3.5879487179487164,5.040614290598288,4.759487179487182,84.09384615384617,72.76068376068376,8.276923076923078,24.538461538461537,8.841846274778883,1.6144974358974356,920,27,191,18,18,303,132,234,0.17800000000000002,0.701,0.121,-0.9645,2,0,1,0,3,0,27.0,0,1,1,0,15,16,2,0,7,0,24,2,0,4,5,44,43,17,0,8,10,3,0,0,0,5,1,3,0,2,6,9,0,0,5,1,1,0,5,6,0,1,2,3,30,10,30,31,7,21,0,1,0,1,26,10,0,6,10,133,36,3,0.09400989094054413,0.33415904446024997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373075479501907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917898487282813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323255060176368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832538715501291,0.0,0.15698866427917285,0.05730755694909497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28754804773403103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505924826157688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822032704754599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484587879108538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25347008455379993,0.09195971242360723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911628790127608,0.09018285366425068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928153043759505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847479213581963,0.0,0.10612572394862044,0.0,0.19624380321094276,0.09329031079434992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333075497975414,0.0,0.0,0.09954290054936374,0.10214202157612967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196953898085473,0.08484759696503782,0.0,0.06275233220158001,0.09531127397786994,0.0,0.10240433117815943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910808675798823,0.06970714293741066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003315215087882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517462142900028,0.08208581063875026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109892531705313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403533135215388,0.0,0.18067543019204432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802839332019074,0.0,0.14952087711330336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056710562771963,0.0,0.0,0.07965427552029604,0.0723734069537499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020203532861527,0.07507642034264525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668131017171917,0.26580962895030946,0.0,0.07068373831200607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481792341494785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382654497731736,0.0,0.0,0.0978676119059798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544946938901919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26712771699448784,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Rosemary_Rabies,2019/03/08,"Medical PTSD getting worse. I don't know what to do anymore. I was involved in a medical procedure that they did not properly sedate me for. I screamed while they held me down and told me if I rescheduled it'd be exactly the same. His nurses laughed every time I screamed. That was in Dec '18. I'm still dealing with the night terrors, random panic attacks, waking nightmares. Every time I go to a doctor appt or the ER for my condition I break down in tears and can't seem to catch my breath. My psychiatrist prescribed me klonopin, lexapro, prazosin and trazodone to help me with my panic attacks and night terrors. I'm not sure why I'm posting here. Are there any others here with medical ptsd? I can't even hear an arm blood pressure cuff without hyperventilating. I just want control of my life back.",3.6746103896103897,5.983368538961043,4.254545454545454,84.1518181818182,74.64935064935065,6.7376623376623375,31.129870129870127,7.7094869923839395,2.2003038961038968,641,31,118,9,14,203,99,154,0.214,0.75,0.035,-0.9773,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,7,11,2,5,6,0,10,9,4,1,2,22,21,7,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,7,0,2,2,0,0,2,6,9,1,0,5,3,22,2,16,14,1,16,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,4,7,75,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687308732338952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127533457658706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32412224873694745,0.0,0.10953774753448643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15977342037492992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686303411675644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580692618694785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408902072831332,0.0,0.2400459953176169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442593773983361,0.0,0.08095945845430975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055515332969114,0.0,0.09548340319178597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828857457826509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061893541727056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305199537935794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26736542916023576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342763649671442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643082507178114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3330404259870715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968407844700353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376334053140287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426049171758914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613125826236871,0.0,0.0,0.1361201743864419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402261108878979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285418908459521,0.0,0.0,0.1373198387612464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517202047237854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ripkeni,2019/03/08,"Agitation I live with ptsd from sexual abuse. One of the many difficult things about my experience with ptsd is the agitation. Who else experiences this? Lots of noises, movements or even certain lighting just drives me to the edge. I feel like Im gonna freak out sometimes and explode in public. Cannabis helps a lot and I do meditate very often, but what else has worked for you guys? Thank you",4.032335907335906,6.5884096081081065,4.478803088803087,81.78067567567571,74.54054054054055,8.012355212355214,26.787644787644787,8.841846274778883,2.219029343629344,317,12,59,7,7,100,62,74,0.125,0.7659999999999999,0.10800000000000001,0.1053,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,4,5,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,1,13,6,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,7,3,10,5,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,4,1,38,11,1,0.0,0.23164645766170144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266457348608443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291319969588062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824910679570376,0.0,0.0,0.09885533682306784,0.13967182695766373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935848672751323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104571006410567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111835088517041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551593010923763,0.0,0.17263822454557876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324298974140269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821566429117407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248210835754354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570796352520714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933636192953795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999862373380146,0.0,0.0,0.12988763945525092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131558318132974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233304181008286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KindaSmol,2019/03/08,"I just got my official diagnosis, and am now being referred to a CPT focused therapist. (TW: child sexual abuse) My trauma is related to prolonged (over several years) sexual abuse when I was younger by a family member. I ignored this fact, or told myself that it wasn't that bad, for the last 17ish years. Within the last year, I've admitted to myself that I lived through very traumatic events and I started pursuing professional help. My PCP originally diagnosed me with GAD, prescribed medication, and suggested I start seeing a therapist. After several sessions, my therapist has diagnosed me with PTSD and has suggested a therapist that specializes in Cognitive Processing Therapy. She's suggested that I do this in conjunction with our sessions, or at the very least, pick our sessions back up at the end of the 12 week timeframe for the CPT therapist. Until today, I wasn't familiar with this type of therapy. After looking into it. I'm admittedly very nervous going into the first session, especially after the therapist specifically told me that it's an intense therapy that some people can find very difficult. Does anyone have any experience with this type of therapy? Has it been effective at all?",7.936899119837508,9.489586322274883,8.742833446174682,59.22470379146924,62.55450236966824,13.61150981719702,40.189911983750854,12.785403640627713,6.40138835477319,978,53,140,40,14,330,124,211,0.08800000000000001,0.847,0.065,-0.7838,0,0,0,0,2,0,28.0,2,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,13,0,13,3,0,3,2,25,24,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,15,11,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,7,2,20,1,29,16,3,31,0,0,2,0,12,10,0,3,20,104,35,7,0.0,0.21421857380047327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061475139675395224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320982275301074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951206486205252,0.07548027276737268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835083127791528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910970031820337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006761960083622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842860354553488,0.08522112967879777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262401566033675,0.0768942435107894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05137643647000169,0.0,0.0723011849206239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059325360718501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473762262940309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982490779032124,0.0,0.07591328123593287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106854828921042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267201807925482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056728306632851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203714242537301,0.0,0.0,0.20425266932099695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12797125327182834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4135213809839319,0.6297686124540426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568868518035984,0.1727622596585761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983580626245804,0.0,0.0,0.07251347401670873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746440212195805 ptsd,robyn713,2019/06/30,"Insomnia I cant go on like this, I can't sleep, not even with lights on and tv running. I'm constantly on edge and terrified. I need therapy but can't go, it doesn't get better at all it just keeps coming back. I have a huge fear of intruders and murderers. Every sound my house makes is terrifying. Every single night I lay awake for hours, if I do fall asleep I get nightmares, I'm not safe in daytime either. I can't live like this I'd rather die",0.7717894736842119,2.871140757894743,2.89605263157895,91.21986842105262,83.52631578947368,6.747368421052633,20.026315789473685,7.908726449838941,0.78518947368421,352,10,79,7,10,119,67,95,0.321,0.65,0.027999999999999997,-0.9857,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,1,1,0,8,3,2,1,1,17,18,5,2,3,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,0,1,0,5,7,2,0,0,0,2,9,4,8,18,3,15,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,6,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067629441244767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19630875157599195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912019728450446,0.0,0.23986377932759576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23036315573130614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660485325160275,0.0,0.3740277839514614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24977074054106185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319336219253013,0.0,0.25229403886125623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858941819820416,0.2561161735005751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729143127319002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168803897816618,0.0,0.19599791044194664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816241529720767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458318438106456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082977865173644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22212388254888876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538347015971936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,justpastie,2019/06/30,"triggers i am confused. Sometimes my triggers vary. like sometimes something that triggers me off one day won't the next. Sometimes my triggers are seemingly unrelated aswell, is not specific to the traumatic event. like, sometimes the way someone was it carries themselves, the way their face looks close up or having that remind me of someone else can triggers me. Since I've been in the drugs and doing thorough therapy, i feel the flashback are better ish, less intense. My boyfriend had helped too, he is good to me and send to understand. However, sometimes i don't have a full flashback as such, i just get these sudden pangs of fear or pain that somehow relates to the trauma. As this trauma is of a sexual nature, I've been trying step by step to do more sexual things. sometimes i am completely fine, which is odd. but other times i am a mess. My boyf says i can tell him but i feel so overwhelming guilty i just won't. i feel like i have something wrong with me. Although when I'm not triggered i have a seemingly good time, the nightmares and shame after are unbarable. It's also is as sometimes i cannot do anything sexual at all, and other times i just have to avoid the specific act that is traumatic to me. it makes no sense. idk if this makes any sense at all",3.8585170068027175,5.950527967346942,4.324081632653062,84.84068027210886,73.40816326530611,7.115646258503403,29.217687074829932,7.957251820313856,2.0408503401360534,1012,43,187,15,21,319,132,245,0.163,0.77,0.067,-0.9765,1,1,3,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,1,9,17,0,5,13,0,30,3,1,8,2,35,41,16,0,1,10,0,3,3,1,2,2,1,0,0,14,6,0,1,6,0,0,4,7,10,0,1,4,5,26,7,21,35,5,22,0,1,1,0,8,7,0,7,12,132,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0844228713760299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179001307531876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687365416310326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336651608430573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068627537235676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808277167096971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242562528396694,0.0,0.0881887057523177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879360281647272,0.16013539956092945,0.07541796101948467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055155040384425376,0.0,0.0,0.17709123692600195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076015592164576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472590680513856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865072094662035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409352198501589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122730049119936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153576137381608,0.0,0.11233203449236533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839520897026574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922106943137176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732712661567436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17889522888800935,0.16254315437339145,0.7308677171465657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09227128174068724,0.0,0.12072646562705627,0.0,0.07013483780317588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846730428296415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167389508136711,0.0,0.0,0.10990024526795204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167590286385987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542228163840758,0.0,0.0 ptsd,crash--n--burn--IV,2019/06/30,"Primary care physician appointment(?) I've repeatedley canceled my primary care appointments, as well as optometrist etc. Part of this is because the room you're in is so small, i feel trapped and am essentially in tears from the time the tech/nurse is in room to the time the doctor comes. I'm fairly certain i fractured my foot and need to see my primary care for multiple reasons, i am supposed to see her early this week and it is causing me panic attacks, o still need to reschedule optometrist appointments and others by a specific date, so that just adds to it. I can't see my psychologist until the 12th and I'm not currently medicated. I have done dbt, erp, cbt, basically everything. I don't know how to deal with it. I just want to fade away.",3.668044871794869,5.945836680555559,4.87305555555556,79.8544230769231,74.55555555555556,8.597435897435899,30.52136752136752,9.265573868473778,2.994005982905983,598,28,111,15,13,197,92,144,0.081,0.815,0.10400000000000001,0.3262,1,2,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,1,7,0,10,4,1,3,1,20,24,11,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,7,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,1,4,13,5,19,23,2,17,0,0,3,0,2,7,0,0,9,71,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901321537415049,0.1570221967011802,0.0,0.0,0.1018796381150554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5111942055016602,0.17168642703063902,0.0,0.14396591771619854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230156270014774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106252356562074,0.0,0.17102990336074986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18639182610033472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020381174901598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450490570499336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184914245117773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836381203377215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24784649266434974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960886223138174,0.0,0.18098326739878967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183535257566224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3995379788499118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334685849944136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490728612614172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857638635761684,0.0,0.13405994867177892,0.0,0.15026808506568526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pixiebiitch,2019/06/30,"NSFW no one has to read this i just really feel like venting Trigger warning: sexual assault &#x200B; I'm an absolute mess of a human and trying really hard to be okay, but a bit over a week ago I was watching a TV show with a boy I'm seeing where a girl was being raped and the rapist whispers 'shhhh' over and over. I tried to block my ears and i had my eyes closed, but the scene sprung up out of nowhere so i saw about 2 seconds of it. Ever since then I've been a mess. I've barely been able to shower, haven't been able to clean, haven't been able to eat, I didn't sleep properly for a few days (kept waking up every half hour). A couple of nights ago half way through sex I had a flashback and I don't remember anything after that, but apparently I was crying a lot and completely non verbal for a while. I 'completely shut down' and he had to really try to get any words out of me, apparently. the next morning i had false awakenings where i was just lying in bed being spooned, then his hand comes and grabs my mouth and shoves me into the bed. i woke up in a panic and realised he was just cuddling me so i must be dreaming, but other than that i absolutely can't distinguish what i dreamt from reality. I realise i've had the same thing before - dreams where 'arms', sometimes someones, sometimes invisible arms, grab my mouth and shove me into the bed. I have PTSD but I don't actually know what the cause is. I can make a very good guess, but I just have symptoms and learning my triggers, with no actual solid memories. apparently once I told a friend what i thought happened while i was throwing up and crying and screaming (first ever flashback episode), but i don't have any memory of even doing that. There was an incident with an ex where I thought he tried to have sex with me in my sleep and when I asked him to stop he didn't. He says it never happened. Now with this false awakening, I'm worried that I've thought ill of him when it actually was just all in my head. What if it was just a false awakening. I haven't been able to stop crying. i have this constant feeling of terror. And i have no one around me to help. because of my ptsd i push everyone away one way or another. when something triggers me like this i can end up completely non functional. i just want a normal fucking life and a normal brain and a boyfriend. i feel like i'm never going to be able to have any of that because of what some fucking cunt decided to do to a little kid.",3.884064186310706,4.771436031809143,5.028773643851178,84.6058528827038,71.38568588469184,8.134257313263277,27.691508094291397,8.418075326091056,1.7831911275205905,1936,67,404,30,35,640,228,503,0.157,0.7659999999999999,0.076,-0.9927,4,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,0,1,24,17,6,2,30,1,47,23,12,5,6,80,74,36,0,5,16,1,7,3,1,1,3,4,5,4,20,30,1,4,11,5,0,4,14,11,0,7,28,15,52,6,58,40,6,57,0,0,4,7,18,26,3,5,28,276,72,2,0.38278664627693904,0.0,0.2241267294772384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572690635995416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294983426289837,0.09302553466255978,0.15618482746903894,0.08027703488077954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630001588699808,0.06815225413364998,0.07157076837399823,0.0,0.07192813094860916,0.0,0.0,0.09333727466928933,0.0,0.06514464848259865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358077537244675,0.0,0.0,0.08546329847793642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864546583219349,0.0,0.06594736030431288,0.2408067094803955,0.08273127543558775,0.0,0.0,0.08470922867741197,0.2522838939954253,0.04937314393989689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833726038646285,0.0,0.0,0.0678070703010721,0.0,0.0,0.05056539394381535,0.13850097460262914,0.06450285178820005,0.07315380889579234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612905788566667,0.10938514263385346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511962515530309,0.0,0.0,0.05914800267404635,0.141552034536475,0.0399980447487013,0.0,0.04350929448018191,0.06421265554153475,0.0,0.0,0.08433652932442777,0.0,0.13539878685215376,0.0,0.06858032962087737,0.0,0.07856990660605279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05131476404064563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539354801694298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042073906011634035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540747057222859,0.11220613204233802,0.07673055624593805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508630361692888,0.0,0.0,0.051102611755375664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809146386279387,0.0,0.08141958818706911,0.0718438673704694,0.15001985602037204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153105709605432,0.15563168286811455,0.0,0.0,0.08982353068312803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898284208823476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657804675594562,0.0,0.14713375645036264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672453008693518,0.0,0.0,0.060881461010081725,0.0,0.0,0.061006279505711636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332901388166826,0.0,0.15322523608598934,0.0,0.06486677664016642,0.05893757231349826,0.15143431239883753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801071053557092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795723783741772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05086128776884157,0.0,0.0,0.18233390367634986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315380889579234,0.0,0.20790960483733206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316781436782375,0.045155496326832766,0.12153528902513942,0.06140967166175852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774768404004277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302553466255978,0.0 ptsd,research_humanity,2019/06/30,"Fuck last night (CW: guns) Arrived at my destination last night to be greeted with the information that a massive fireworks display was going to be happening. Not ideal, but I refuse to let it spoil my night out. So I stay, even watching the fireworks for a little bit. I think I'm in a good place. And then I'm hearing gunshots, people screaming, and sirens. Crap, I'm in a flashback worse than anything I've experienced before. This feels REAL. So real I can't distinguish it from reality, at all. So I get out of there, as fast as possible. No need to embarass myself, right? Even after I can't hear/see anything anymore, it still felt 100% real. After a really hard, long night . . .I look at the news this morning. It was all real. Someone started shooting people at the fireworks display.",2.418364705882354,5.110156060000001,3.8991764705882375,82.82311764705884,81.73333333333333,5.662745098039216,27.490196078431374,7.048011613610866,1.6989607843137264,619,28,108,8,17,204,96,150,0.133,0.815,0.052000000000000005,-0.9041,0,0,0,3,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,2,0,9,0,7,2,1,0,2,22,21,9,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,3,8,10,2,21,15,3,26,0,0,2,1,3,11,2,0,13,69,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957913724222155,0.0,0.0,0.1984477891196777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260141955380286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316379226900156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927881475386435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096692242084355,0.0,0.1157720092059174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111470704213338,0.06299605978669913,0.0,0.06852620255742957,0.10113355072659104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662508786584822,0.0,0.10801254341635287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27179615992413786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19657130445532456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329727876181015,0.0,0.0,0.12084897497127632,0.0,0.10670609506697462,0.10125359492011657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089405684584136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4526101805838621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718463562919678,0.0,0.12597640944269312,0.0,0.0,0.13593148792890922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5489682073623692,0.07724416677717415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297137002829804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216377738131968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534441687439542,0.1285181286704362,0.09629226610087037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726032582633811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287739407466305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,defeatedandlost1012,2019/06/30,Chronic headaches/migrants after diagnosis? Does anyone else suffer from a sudden onset of severe headaches or migrants after experiencing their trauma? Ever since mine I have absolutely no sleep schedule and I’m constantly nauseous which I came to expect but the headache are killing me bc they are almost daily at this point. Was wondering if this could be related?,6.0167972350230405,9.594097500000004,5.944930875576037,68.21596774193549,74.0,7.4138248847926285,33.05069124423963,8.418075326091056,3.55946267281106,303,15,39,6,7,95,55,62,0.21600000000000005,0.784,0.0,-0.9237,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,2,0,6,2,1,0,1,10,9,4,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,6,0,6,5,0,9,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,4,6,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658031373955702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18560413815273769,0.2719780455023257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035964381741427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868499237301284,0.0,0.21193488821108247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23229123429842435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217438292662392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401086759036158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936737000450481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509297321319452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29987539122559925,0.0,0.21957745370436432,0.0,0.2656350156176261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878619527465785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GardenerOfBees,2019/06/30,Can only share with other ptsd sufferers? Anybody else feel like they can only share/open up about their experience(s) with others who have also suffered from traumatic events? I just feel like I can't go to some rando counselor who may or may not understand and that this is my only safe haven.,8.11812121212121,8.029063236363637,7.436363636363637,74.40121212121215,62.09090909090909,10.242424242424242,31.06060606060606,9.725611199111238,2.8106969696969686,238,7,41,4,3,74,45,55,0.165,0.679,0.156,-0.3736,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,13,11,3,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,5,4,6,9,1,3,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,4,3,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189910603799861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287595514279324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769251221668159,0.3912650443216917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15563051455879606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675703858226642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6248067204435963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201062226379642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28507880453451073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LeviathanThanos,2019/06/30,"I’m 30 years old now and I feel like I’m just now starting to live my life. (TRIGGER WARNING) I’m a survivor of severe childhood abuse, physical and sexual. I was molested at 3 and then again by my stepdad from 8-12. Then after that we moved back home to Memphis, TN. I had told my mom what happened to me the first day we moved back. She immediately called the cops. Long story short, he ended up in prison where he’ll stay for the rest of his life. He got 3 strikes. Anyway as time went on I started to live in my head more and more. Eventually I wouldn’t even come out of my room, my mom pulled me out of school in the 7th grade because I got so bad. That’s when it started to go even more downhill. This was around the time I noticed I would begin to split. I didn’t know it but I would be diagnosed with Dissociate Identity Disorder later in life. Anyway at the age of 25 I met this girl online and she was 19 at the time we started interacting. Eventually we hit it off so I moved down there. I thought to myself I can spend my whole life with this person. I became completely relaxed the 4 years we were together. Then she started talking to this guy on Xbox live, long story short she left me for him. We still have a good friendship though. Mainly because of our dogs. We got two dogs together and they were like our kids. It gets really hard sometimes thinking about them, because I miss them so much. I wish I could see them everyday but she lived in Kentucky and I live in Iowa now, so that’s an 8 hour drive. Anyway moving back to Iowa I dealt with my breakup fairly well, I didn’t relapse at least. Well I finally found the confidence of what I’ve wanted to do with my life. I’ve always loved music, books and video games. So I’m going to teach myself how to code to make video games, release music and write novels. I think I can be good at it because of the stories I’ve kept locked away in my head. Eventually my ultimate goal is to make speeches to people that have been through trauma and help as many people as I can. Now to about 2 weeks ago. Through my psychiatrist I’ve been going to this place with people that also have disorders to try and socialize. My full list of disorders btw are: Dissociative Identity Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizoaffective Disorder, OCD, PTSD, Autism and I’m also an empath. So every time I leave this place in the afternoon I’m drained. But I love it, I feel so happy when I’m there. The 2nd day I was there, I met this girl and she’s awesome. She’s gone through a lot of things too and I know she has trust issues. I’m really starting to like her and I feel relaxed around her. But I’m giving her more time to open up to me regardless and I just want to be her friend. Even if we do end up together, sex hasn’t been important to me. I sense that she has been through something like that too so that’s why I think she has tryst issues and rightfully so. I’m also going to be moving out on my own for the first time this year. It’s based off your income catering to people with mental illness or disabilities. So I’m really excited for it and some of my friends that I’ve talked to recently live there too. Anyway that’s my life story basically, sorry if I rambled too long.",2.182686385233464,4.19469868285281,3.6463439389039536,88.16193313266503,78.10470409711684,6.931326649916666,23.398119356202887,7.925487318751,1.1727497748700215,2548,83,535,43,61,839,284,659,0.065,0.7909999999999999,0.14400000000000002,0.9963,1,0,1,0,1,0,67.0,10,1,4,3,50,21,1,0,18,0,35,13,2,4,0,74,91,48,0,10,9,2,4,4,2,4,8,1,2,6,29,39,0,1,10,9,1,14,4,4,2,3,24,6,90,17,87,57,13,104,0,1,1,3,59,38,0,5,55,349,119,5,0.0,0.06648871786452708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04974377286849097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462871359815404,0.046693312160617055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09991092675785658,0.0,0.0,0.05272317338868282,0.12945006551388513,0.04685482188899066,0.13683206420397634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057301084191240075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04833928069581598,0.05883694242040991,0.0,0.0,0.04480435227047523,0.0,0.0,0.07238082776118382,0.0,0.0,0.05695693056724814,0.0,0.0,0.3858853049305958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099404888666335,0.0,0.0,0.11119299211062203,0.0,0.04728045889755656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512236274768348,0.040089543306435466,0.0,0.06147273634934317,0.0,0.09546510503719588,0.0,0.06152869919926841,0.08671073082118842,0.0,0.029318485280825313,0.05383193194592914,0.1275688967109049,0.09413549128039912,0.1346441534038747,0.0,0.0,0.05556402525220317,0.04962351740325213,0.05973691541955371,0.05026924183860577,0.0,0.11518316281798607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03761361745722687,0.0,0.05628929086056389,0.0,0.055263317036908635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714181388173925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061680174711488726,0.0,0.0,0.0594191293615932,0.060970596193115324,0.0,0.2378198945090097,0.1096624881331128,0.0,0.2973106773220894,0.14898365492325502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04770812789888222,0.10129442305301864,0.0,0.07491622052902265,0.056893187629195575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056552098533073074,0.0,0.0,0.13144562000178164,0.0,0.2982140828029889,0.041251986071761663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06388885498388006,0.058884686656401085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561609076730426,0.0979972931103487,0.11725931807425982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559702923296735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784874360496224,0.0,0.0554081418050025,0.0,0.0,0.04792307021650409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567927586183549,0.044717478540852826,0.0,0.0,0.06339552104482506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057203568555239476,0.0,0.04320112038519036,0.0555005211751179,0.06281767777258737,0.23831671743325936,0.059812579969310324,0.04481460262585748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020841918408463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037281220274224,0.1078713049610218,0.05513404498395959,0.044550126593409324,0.19633142683710048,0.0,0.0,0.053621592825915165,0.0,0.03809932915135462,0.0,0.05481753586065392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06619777355239811,0.0,0.045013164169082055,0.0,0.10091070523972506,0.05202043377777026,0.05063629225486364,0.06265191895725293,0.06453105183257972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972691314279763,0.0,0.0,0.10841130017428502 ptsd,ShorelineDoThatShit,2019/06/30,"I need some advice from people on this sub Before I explain myself I want to just put out there that no I do not have PTSD and I'm not some person who looked up my symptoms on web md and self diagnosed. I have bipolar disorder/social anxiety disorder so I know what it is like to have crippling anxiety that last for days and also what it's like to have bad suicidal thoughts and self loathing. Yesterday I got into a minor car accident where my sentra got hit by a Ford f150. My car is messed but my brother who was in the passenger is okay. My car is very fixable to the point where I could drive it home. The problem is that I feel so bad that I messed up and got into a car accident. I keep mummering to myself how I am a fuck up and how I'm gonna cost my parents alot of money for the insurance and I dont have any money because I quit my job because of mental problems. I've had to get into 2 cars since the accident and I cant stop shaking. I cant imagine driving a car anytime soon and it makes me feel so terrible because I'm even more useless now. I'm sorry to rant but my question is what is wrong with me and how can I make these bad thoughts go away?",4.177831325301206,4.023511120481931,5.669542168674699,83.9811807228916,70.32530120481928,8.888995983935743,30.6562248995984,8.648137234880735,2.1850581526104422,915,35,200,14,15,312,135,249,0.256,0.7020000000000001,0.042,-0.9956,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,14,15,1,1,11,1,21,4,0,5,0,43,45,19,1,5,5,2,2,2,0,1,3,0,1,3,15,15,0,2,8,0,3,11,6,12,0,0,7,3,29,3,25,35,4,31,0,1,1,1,9,14,1,4,8,133,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225106731341528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025880208275156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525628890751202,0.0,0.1918162906678868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778978045638155,0.0,0.31403757563719104,0.2292742133021843,0.0,0.10668112380336807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000982011936802,0.0,0.0,0.08085364805707125,0.0,0.0,0.12724849275528666,0.0,0.0,0.14368553846974186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469333780642202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280608119218236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267822575354861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590307471716625,0.06550095001078507,0.0,0.07125098590834134,0.0,0.3008109005931364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125756906998592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441094889161118,0.111435125878761,0.0,0.0,0.06890038830000539,0.10219375013515973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12249945869412142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527970609163637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16737166224197006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634405029929766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296069145362593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920918491746515,0.0,0.0,0.08691616982076279,0.10946874873872256,0.0,0.0,0.11851571501244824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399254137490201,0.14655149102995035,0.12603205363791406,0.1404437343733527,0.13334703675359208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261577700280805,0.0,0.0,0.10370783368429908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14034209244318865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481541290724912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137135058599489,0.0,0.0,0.13030802907673347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906046216361065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344385274812004,0.07394681230542141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707304077802746,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RedditTrend__,2019/06/30,"Writing about PTSD Potential trigger warning, I can’t flag as NSFW on mobile for some reason. I’m an author, and I’m currently writing a book that has a character with PTSD. I don’t want to generalize or make assumptions about the condition, I also want to accurately convey it without having to outright say “So and so has PTSD from her time in the war.” Her backstory is that she was left for dead in a war as her general abandoned her entire platoon. She was the only survivor due to some in-universe lore and pure luck. No one really knows what she did between the war and when the story takes place, it’s about 10 years, but now that the story has started up, she recently came in contact with her general who abandoned her. The book is still very early on so the only real information I have about her is that she often uses her superstitions to survive, because they work. One of them is her painting her face white, she and many other soldiers would to become “ghosts”, in their mind it would protect them from death, since ghosts can die. The other set in stone fact about her is that she was very young in this war, not a child soldier, but in her teens. The horrors of war has permanently given her a dead, empty look in her eyes that other characters often detect. My question is, when writing her, what kinds of thing should I keep in mind? She’ll find herself in conflict again, quite often, in this book. I know things like explosions or gunshots would probably trigger her to some extent, but is there any other thing that war would do to someone? Little things that I may not think about? Any help at all would be appreciated, much love. <3",5.9738958990536295,6.649476949526818,6.151121451104102,79.1926758675079,66.57097791798107,8.737476340694007,30.36104100946372,8.697196308434329,2.320640504731861,1311,46,242,19,20,418,171,317,0.174,0.753,0.073,-0.9907,1,0,0,1,0,0,37.0,0,0,4,3,19,12,6,0,16,0,30,3,2,5,3,59,46,18,12,8,8,0,0,1,0,8,0,1,0,1,24,8,0,5,7,3,0,1,6,8,0,2,6,4,37,4,42,31,6,33,0,2,3,1,40,18,0,11,14,181,61,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137394041695787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554018779593252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965203343817879,0.12619155170236188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068337220973586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858417770584252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443186681604301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658628717187757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155982657759938,0.0,0.1189845453687728,0.12558897262773222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241441771559609,0.0,0.0,0.05582182315816799,0.11451886265821325,0.0,0.0,0.09594989558714273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312440410271692,0.0,0.07626965401283224,0.11584203542368696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23074071206924446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399448564858032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485150625446958,0.1738002514710433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937772028742134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319195542320226,0.0,0.4006926154474011,0.0,0.12799771341745916,0.121529919947017,0.0,0.1300532643276435,0.07319808983407465,0.1174786438674303,0.11281828621678383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086439631035516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451732136216297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968124023671399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087404594873218,0.0,0.09124844293693583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590954433490428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036379306283561,0.07321340246649323,0.0,0.0,0.0666261142156361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868423467619684,0.0,0.18855346844670534,0.13478739983433294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014287566437994,0.0,0.08318287724780438,0.0,0.0,0.4058362820476651,0.0,0.0,0.07357990296347808 ptsd,nihilistatari,2019/06/30,"Looking for information about what having PTSD is truly like I'm sorry if this is the incorrect place to ask this but I feel like it would be best to get some firsthand responses. I have come to the conclusion that I want one the characters in a story I have been working on for a pretty long time should have PTSD. However, I'm not very knowledgeable on PTSD and what it can truly do to people but I want his case to be truly detrimental to his way of life and make everyday interactions somewhat difficult. I apologize if I phrased that wrong but yeah. I'm just looking for information on HOW someone could develop severe PTSD to the point of that, how it truly feels to have it so I can describe it with well mannered details, etc. Thanks in advance for any responses. :) (And if posts like these aren't allowed here just tell me)",2.997088509316772,5.472144652173912,4.09213897515528,83.6464072204969,77.63354037267081,7.751708074534163,26.83268633540373,8.660442795831766,2.2465183229813657,663,27,125,15,16,215,96,161,0.061,0.6779999999999999,0.261,0.9889,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,4,8,8,0,0,6,1,17,1,0,4,0,31,31,12,0,8,9,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,13,5,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,2,1,1,1,4,11,6,21,25,4,14,0,0,2,0,8,7,0,5,6,90,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499735312592864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059591639398938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660122656538346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033482591246368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153504671522757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557967906647554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126792338177646,0.0997980968117228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298484320621289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986706711130244,0.20474368198089385,0.0,0.0,0.1236256306184838,0.23461714190798985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932474607153182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466091024709566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684688581476214,0.0,0.14595148525143026,0.0,0.13205687667478871,0.0,0.13378914231709976,0.14211998057677305,0.0,0.0,0.6531836617756831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578155255673727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836307379821852,0.0,0.0,0.15637705423373885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209953946805573,0.12861233699483113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145724598267552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526295988416956,0.16479139618041547,0.1108833452891416,0.0,0.0,0.12560253248428355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169958391376394,0.0,0.0,0.09923528107449757,0.15273449297049746,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sweetrelease2,2019/06/30,"What a way to end the week **TRIGGER WARNING*** So I’ve had severe PTSD for years, everything from a life threatening illness, watching a week old baby being revived back to life, to abuse and a victim of assault. We recently had a major incident at my workplace that resulted in some of my close coworkers being very seriously injured, and one of our clients being arrested. I wasn’t actually present at the time it happened, but I was there in the aftermath to clean things up, and help others figure out the rest of their schedules for the week. I feel awful for feeling traumatized, but at the same time, I left only moments before the incident occurred and it happened very close to my office. The room reeked of old blood and the atmosphere felt tense and scary. I never thought my work family and I would go through something like this. My heart hurts and I don’t want to diminish those directly involved but the events have been triggering a lot of emotions.",5.741822088526,7.376461256983244,5.996759776536317,76.5933089815213,67.71508379888269,9.306574989256557,34.43962183068328,9.661875296680813,3.552746110872368,771,37,131,17,13,246,115,179,0.203,0.728,0.069,-0.9726,0,0,1,0,1,0,20.0,2,0,1,1,3,6,2,0,16,1,11,6,2,3,1,29,19,12,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,2,0,8,12,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,7,5,15,1,24,8,5,30,0,1,1,0,5,11,0,2,18,94,23,1,0.0,0.17949936401051295,0.14783937641640754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649196624208305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289129265973367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041391632721906,0.13418151882172633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361558806423695,0.0,0.14281804146310545,0.0,0.15320303420913867,0.0,0.14546103347977946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609932843714464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679368801184429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952486644017124,0.10154535428798006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16218084529576526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164602109824183,0.0,0.2140138516953297,0.07401386095236365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287974695711555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684395086407495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.317941573977064,0.0,0.1026583977713146,0.11522041845010393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17709207526437565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495851707543377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711486711451889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662991681511248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006479827509101,0.0,0.0,0.12027182425743856,0.17667842697935368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500020494880293,0.08935695132351862,0.12025139560979417,0.3645656556461488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029173828292753,0.0,0.0,0.10761923724271966,0.0,0.0,0.09755920532005076 ptsd,iheartstrawberry,2019/06/30,"I feel like I am fading out of existence... I realised and accepted that I am now suffering from PTSD from extreme stress I experienced from my entire childhood. My memory is locked up away somewhere and I have zero intentions to bring them back out. My greatest guilt is probably lying to people when they ask about my family and upbringing but I usually go out of my way to avoid the past anyway. An ex once told me that there's an atmosphere of doom and the lingering of something bad happened in the past in me. I couldn't answer him what event because it was a long period of time where I really just hated the circumstances I was born into. I was not sexually nor physically abused but emotionally and mentally. That invisible pain makes me wonder sometimes if I am entitled for my pain but then again, I am not in control. My family tries to contact me but they lack the understanding and sympathy for everything I have explained. They don't really care how I feel when I told them my anxiety is crippling any attempt of reconciliation and that the thought of death is much more comforting than the thought of being with them again. For God's sake, I can't even go on a week without having nightmares about them and they know that. That constant messaging, calling, stalking aren't for my own goods - in their mind, mommy still knows best, daddy still knows best. They don't have any knowledge about my mental illnesses like anxiety, depression, or PTSD and how their overbearing but insensitive actions contribute to my suffering. They will ever be able to understand, they don't have the ability and they refuse to. They're no longer in control, my mind is blurring away in an attempt to steer clear of this reality. I used to long to be in this world but I don't know how. Now, I don't even have the desire to belong.",6.0294782608695625,7.143644469565218,6.6089855072463815,74.39608695652177,66.6231884057971,10.637681159420293,32.39130434782609,10.662846686107436,3.639347826086956,1462,60,263,40,23,478,181,345,0.185,0.7140000000000001,0.102,-0.9853,0,1,1,0,1,0,31.0,0,0,14,6,22,19,1,3,14,0,30,3,0,8,2,60,53,25,1,4,12,1,2,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,10,15,0,4,15,0,0,4,13,11,0,1,7,3,51,8,48,41,7,46,1,4,0,0,24,17,0,4,26,203,61,0,0.10114402367260468,0.11983912885889104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375628089474609,0.0,0.15474980253235124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945560086943176,0.0,0.19005627939614525,0.07777351095624467,0.0844510349779337,0.061656458045933074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21228882550805414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327935674951262,0.0,0.10312307303003508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930075751738656,0.22688324599945056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871151993814247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11377341301827558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360934744749892,0.09149056001650734,0.0,0.0,0.09090172667264193,0.0,0.19069916786188876,0.0,0.10228291481348517,0.07225731072124031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496495903616293,0.08483480831088068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944132610041651,0.0,0.0,0.0998587834647988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22234444106291346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882772196891867,0.0,0.0,0.17901855626689195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751442119767896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20385877306746444,0.0,0.2042532619785362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435249517988562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771508422749028,0.0,0.0,0.21524874474309635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19310683056066594,0.07012053079432813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090503644504328,0.0,0.23646390219246655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295909030108302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786561087308037,0.10003402565819464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615474959160075,0.0,0.11586013738698404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605941137979399,0.058977893582188065,0.0,0.0,0.1932948981021697,0.0,0.06867015280561489,0.0,0.0,0.21058899135751766,0.0,0.08735596184005735,0.1113958525553419,0.0,0.0,0.08028341812453216,0.08113163487670469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974992294874892,0.1096863791577522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ilikecatsalotman,2019/06/30,i am so lonely i don’t know if i’ll ever be able to have a deep and rich emotional connection with someone after what she did to me,2.398,2.6101941333333336,5.206666666666667,84.45000000000002,74.33333333333334,8.666666666666668,25.0,8.841846274778883,1.6040000000000003,104,3,24,2,2,38,27,30,0.09300000000000001,0.7340000000000001,0.17300000000000001,0.3415,0,2,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,1,5,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,4,4,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,19,5,0,0.493654786754809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5552951909813743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44653901688963626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712997606124481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41827209884701694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thekirkabides,2019/06/30,"Veteran Face to the Name: Geoff's PTSD Started a YouTube channel a couple months ago which will (in part) tell some of the veteran stories I've come across during my time in the military and are important to me to share. Here's a conversation I had with my friend Geoff about his PTSD. I'm super proud of the progress he's made. [https://youtu.be/K6hREDNVguA](https://youtu.be/K6hREDNVguA)",7.765522388059701,10.074060477611944,5.8389850746268674,77.06683582089553,63.62686567164179,8.942089552238807,29.817910447761196,9.3871,2.641002388059701,320,11,53,6,5,92,50,67,0.0,0.754,0.24600000000000002,0.9432,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,7,0,3,1,1,1,0,6,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,4,10,4,2,8,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,4,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24468210374232305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377736189273841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30541965237474944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21325849258010154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26118429970177665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203228587978525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989113474728383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6453237535641724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953739882601162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412605756358981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609541046683211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,erucae12,2019/06/30,"Just had a panic attack today due to something that’s uncomfortable to talk about. I had a panic attack while I was admitted into the hospital due to testing. I have medical triggered PTSD that is from 3 years ago when I almost died from 2 full blown bowel obstructions. I’ve had some horrific testing, but the real panic attack was triggered when they said the words “NG TUBE.” I didn’t get one luckily, but it gave me a vivid recollection of having a tube up my nose and into my intestines. I had another one from another test when I woke up with a tube up my butt. I’m almost shaking just talking about this. It’s so embarrassing too with everyone looking at you like you’re mentally insane or a 3 year old.",6.328214285714285,6.237892964285713,7.502142857142857,72.44535714285716,65.78571428571429,10.714285714285717,33.214285714285715,10.411451182825502,3.4801428571428565,565,22,103,13,8,193,89,140,0.221,0.7170000000000001,0.062,-0.9626,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,9,9,3,5,9,0,10,5,4,2,0,19,17,9,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,8,0,2,10,4,13,1,17,7,2,19,0,0,2,1,7,7,1,4,12,70,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448281337268542,0.0,0.28124092643169724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945064149528152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792785464346223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457442760131202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341869815572961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336893285580648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860705499936846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792591841865603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146855492495156,0.14152051445991998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735777036729228,0.0,0.19031814450476128,0.0,0.0,0.4942934060627455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641552756643121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984020144402014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358118626331406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810995419704096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257447950243916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311131772285906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18086476449040467 ptsd,Megman89,2019/06/30,"9 YEARS TODAY Today is the 9 year anniversary of when I was kidnapped, raped, and almost murdered. I escaped by jumping out of a moving vehicle (45 mph or more). I survived. Every year on this date it has been extremely hard, until today! I thought I would be a total mess but I’m not! Thank the Lord for that!",0.6012903225806454,3.0473596935483904,2.848629032258067,88.44294354838709,89.16129032258064,5.035483870967743,22.266129032258068,6.6274283507984215,0.813703225806452,239,9,46,3,8,81,50,62,0.19899999999999998,0.765,0.036000000000000004,-0.8334,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,2,0,4,0,6,1,0,0,1,9,9,5,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,1,5,1,7,4,2,13,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,9,32,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397414107671394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20171903823093115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144704885003916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544622424256843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22042288645032748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007025098805008,0.0,0.0,0.6808175930476059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17007487464464166,0.0,0.0,0.462529842443042 ptsd,pinkrainbowcoconut,2019/06/30,"When to tell When do I tell my sister the truth? Don't want to ruin my trip, but really need to tell her to origin of my PTSD... Morning or night? BTW, might be drunk sorry for typos",0.11115384615384727,1.9702297948717948,2.433012820512822,94.98490384615386,84.38461538461539,4.925641025641027,12.314102564102564,5.985473137389443,-1.0991589743589745,138,1,32,1,4,47,30,39,0.14400000000000002,0.767,0.08800000000000001,-0.3259,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,1,7,6,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,6,4,0,5,0,1,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296407260863198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071771612654186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622050622657821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266124790599898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789956340208717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127738817748938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7326435539309024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648018148155284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GiantMidget-,2019/06/30,"My Partner Has BPD And Triggers The Hell Out Of Me She regularly flips on me and makes minor inconveniences into big deals that need to be confronted Didn’t hang the towel properly? Conflict! Accidentally let the door bang a tiny bit? Conflict! .... It’s really really difficult to deal with When I do eventually flip - because it is incredibly hard to handle all the time... it becomes “I have a MH condition!” But it’s not “ugh I’m sorry for speaking to you like that...” minutes or seconds after doing it, mostly ONLY when I reply in anger - which I know doesn’t help anyone.. I’m not trying to be an arse But can you offer some advice on managing this Also what *really* helped you and what I could recommend to my partner I suffer with PTSD from my childhood and the way she acts towards me feels so similar to how my mum would act towards me - minus the physical attacks and constant “below the belt” comments and not literally being 24 7 and occasionally apologising But in the moment my experience feels as if I’m “back there” and it makes me incredibly anxious So I don’t know what to do, it’s becoming unbearable and I don’t know if the damage done can ever be undone",2.7815390534821063,5.27988000884956,5.21120046171605,75.20222970373223,78.55752212389379,8.001231242785687,26.197768372450945,8.841846274778883,2.5165943055021165,926,37,162,23,23,325,139,226,0.153,0.799,0.048,-0.9745,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,0,0,9,9,4,0,12,0,20,0,0,4,2,40,31,22,0,5,9,1,3,1,2,1,0,1,1,2,14,13,0,2,5,0,0,3,7,8,0,1,2,4,23,1,24,22,4,23,1,2,0,0,15,10,1,5,10,124,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527285951214903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249881793882128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17656762539700432,0.0,0.10928433241403246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778068802968374,0.0,0.12018036552409887,0.0,0.0952753138411137,0.3452286774430177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063246453056358,0.0,0.19684670206273067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889818691470174,0.0,0.124787965418804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222643064953134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994292893451872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14137678509813384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288542957223564,0.0,0.0,0.15805378898312325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400086396588564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20952102002026168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576851283037665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982110713325087,0.0,0.07635730728950081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20865479050444075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588995018979005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886855765140965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826992111410113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003776330967308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495823071502825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113623290758294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611330211667501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405882693348608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102670584490848,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,xMillyRock,2018/12/25,"PTSD Flashbacks, maybe Disassociation My friend of 4 years had a bad flashback the other night. She has Tourettes, Anxiety, Rage Attacks, PTSD, and some more that go along with all of them. She gets PTSD from being filmed (father would film her as a child to send out to doctors) Also gets PTSD from men being aggressive and angry in her face (ex would beat her and another ex would trigger her on purpose, so this might actually be CPTSD) &#x200B; So the other night she was out drinking and came over at 3:30am because she was having bad Anxiety and wanted to be comforted. I get her ready for bed and went back downstairs to finish a game before I shut my PC off. She came right down and hit the back of my head. I stood up and was in shock, she threw her arms up and said ""What are you gonna do, hit me!?"" I grabbed my phone and started to record her for proof. She backed away and hid from the camera. Eventually she started to hit herself, most likely the tics from tourettes. I took the phone out again to record her and she saw me doing this and it triggered her, she took the phone and began attacking me and herself. &#x200B; I wanted to get my phone back to call the police but she did a good job keeping me from it, I was yelling and in her face because I was pissed. She kept attacking me and had my phone. This triggered her into a flashback I believe. Her mood completely flipped to a calm person, looked at me and said ""I forgive you if you slap the fucking shit out of me, you fucking pussy"" She then actually slapped herself and then began to choke herself why saying her ex's name. The rest of the story is the same, I eventually get my car keys and run. I get to a friends house to call the cops and meet them back at my house. I get arrested because she claims I attempted to murder her by choking her to death. I got arrested right away and the cops didn't even get my statement or ask me anything. &#x200B; **My question to you all is How can you make someone aware that an event they thought was real (flashback).. wasn't?** In her mind she thought I was doing these things to her. She had a flashback of her ex beating her. It's been two weeks and she still thinks I did all of that. I cannot contact her due to being arrested so it'll be a while unfortunately. I've attempted to reach out to her family but no response yet. I'm facing 7-10 years in prison with all the charges the cop/state put on me. I did get a lawyer so the legal side I'm not worried about here. I just want to hear your stories of these vivid flashbacks and how you can bring them back to reality, what really happened.",2.7345531631889592,4.666575296367117,3.4418359797156874,90.63676510931916,76.151051625239,6.2304264693657005,25.13629561892094,7.079830092131019,0.9307140576939058,2052,72,431,22,46,647,240,523,0.154,0.794,0.052000000000000005,-0.9962,1,0,1,0,2,0,74.0,0,8,4,4,20,21,10,0,28,0,38,11,7,6,5,73,85,39,2,7,6,5,1,1,2,6,1,5,1,3,17,35,1,2,6,4,0,12,5,13,0,1,32,9,93,7,66,38,9,63,0,0,3,2,83,27,4,6,25,303,110,5,0.0,0.0,0.13373312450347324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05479617839984944,0.0,0.22272725981874286,0.249781360176059,0.0,0.07185018979343498,0.1048366773299316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638690291123916,0.0,0.06405783794793554,0.23385741550496614,0.12875537487949695,0.31613028279882377,0.11442426108827533,0.1253092041157852,0.0,0.05830628104852925,0.0771996454777948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399351006748847,0.15673942362169654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184291167619067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701340950905151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712444411686165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525744077666237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459545279239955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587823091234633,0.12669302699329876,0.3221943112056467,0.0,0.038942034553496034,0.05747212131902465,0.054802462663630314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059284917271737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032226227689158,0.0,0.07722808981281977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812795138855254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799646922504085,0.06090456808592545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03347587470149355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754033997054413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0457382657321225,0.0,0.06883850341413161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268989893223582,0.06918662566678636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860453836464542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059829849953167424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3203892917297343,0.06888247966041326,0.07675914497274126,0.0,0.0,0.07799184144911574,0.04389627470122513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11703303262141887,0.13035822784897955,0.054490609113457884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07033576978469012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805757798361589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699896118088172,0.0,0.05472091862367432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045522274019674056,0.043905457557233636,0.0,0.10879595976092607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522585917715871,0.0,0.0,0.0669350109834606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124629364243593,0.0,0.054963372409090994,0.0,0.0,0.06351960648378367,0.061829498992014474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958635010091246,0.0,0.14602594926346188,0.0,0.249781360176059,0.08825048960419102 ptsd,SeekerofKnowledge93,2018/12/25,"Living easier after all this time I finally got those cockroaches down to a more manageable level. Today on Christmas day I had my walk for an hour and a half. As well as I have my two pieces of epic lasagna. It feels good to have my abusers finally serve me. No more beatings, getting called names, or interfering in my business. I'm not making this post just to brag and whatnot. I'm making this post to demonstrate my point. Success is the best revenge. My older sister who used to dig her nails into my arms and beat me with a belt. Now comes to me to do essays for her college course and pays me $20 an essay. My brother who tried to get me to suck his dick as I slept is now a drifter and living somewhere in another state. Unable to eat and take part in celebrations this Christmas. Even the people who used to bully me or take advantage of me are gone. Who knows? One day I'll wake up after everything has stabilized. I'll have a good job, a good education, and a nice whore for me to screw around with. Never lose hope and keep pushing you might just find something to live for. ",3.432865623313546,4.925842761467892,4.350626011872638,86.71086076632488,73.22018348623854,7.331246627091204,25.66756610901241,7.928766900206844,1.3751032919589858,854,28,175,12,17,276,134,218,0.11199999999999999,0.768,0.12,0.2148,1,0,1,0,1,0,22.0,0,1,0,6,8,13,2,0,11,0,10,7,4,4,2,31,29,13,0,1,5,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,13,1,1,3,0,1,4,3,4,1,3,4,1,24,9,34,24,6,30,0,1,0,3,12,10,3,4,13,117,34,5,0.0,0.15851409931092267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028590206489044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909757831855168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14039976879674318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661009028059073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524447736302645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17256133203411247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689610303778615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836414938854552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023790114736355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764603627771007,0.0,0.0,0.29311124496183755,0.12227764559807668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979494376534024,0.0,0.0,0.3366391267441945,0.10700059293159056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13287932131008973,0.1317519002680779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327615981236281,0.11891481843499975,0.0,0.0,0.07352508556153317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3544054972398179,0.0,0.0,0.14967190322645604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786058989005134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192541553517465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318372843963826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065660788898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487680413320206,0.0,0.09275011332195687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647066731662898,0.0,0.2562593109063493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299471710424896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20118029363929585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801147896730877,0.0,0.12681313773616334,0.0,0.0,0.09083166345728892,0.0,0.13068912444815975,0.0,0.0,0.23109566537021234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028935183031295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Zackismycat,2018/12/25,"Wouldn't be Christmas without a trigger I've gotten much better at handling triggering things. Most of the time I'm ok. With my Christmas gifts this morning was a hello kitty coloring and activity book. Every Christmas for the last 3 years I've gotten Hello Kitty stuff. It's not my family's fault really. When I got shipped back to them after my trauma on the other side of the country I had a ton of hello kitty stuff and it seemed like I really loved hello kitty. The thing is my abuser kept me as a child. I was conditioned to like childish things. Now that I've been through tons of therapy, hello kitty repulse me. It brings back and memories. I just wanted to scream I'm not a fucking child! I came home and used some of my coping skills. A few hours later I called my brother and without going into a lot of detail or getting dramatic I explained that I don't want hello kitty stuff anymore. He completely understood and said he will talk to our mom for me. Score 1 me 0 PTSD!",3.1266446578631477,5.0923578469387785,4.740144057623052,81.61325930372152,75.12244897959185,7.060744297719087,25.304921968787518,7.928766900206844,1.6550135654261702,782,27,142,12,17,263,119,196,0.086,0.823,0.09,0.2054,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,1,0,1,2,5,9,1,0,12,1,9,2,0,3,0,28,28,9,0,3,6,2,0,2,0,2,0,2,1,2,13,9,0,1,3,1,0,3,6,4,0,0,11,3,21,5,21,14,7,17,0,0,1,2,19,4,1,5,12,97,34,1,0.0,0.1696272425405161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198131760109425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017026211424476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661790390574038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461875821661424,0.16374274402107186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150105891989443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062277821605535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496332252745366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323538354861402,0.07479786004874077,0.0,0.0813640301618434,0.0,0.11450221531136233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360627637147835,0.0,0.14098879304175033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669867107587073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988648051578956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171385525506127,0.12921209957925128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767324428154184,0.0,0.0,0.10524282722566944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735235006801588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834304683735332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361828022618894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303321374886391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916693903913218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507069087505338,0.0,0.0,0.16372177804989102,0.0,0.2853376090007047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348072582348656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364868693138957,0.0,0.0,0.16888498004870747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27601211065647274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219363574967893 ptsd,wonderingwonderman,2018/12/25,"Anxiety attacks from knocking on window I've been staying at fwb apartment when her ex came. I feel like my mind have been foggy because of how I didn't react and it hurts me. It was about 3 am when I woke up to knocking on window, I ignored it and went back to sleep. Suddenly he bursts in and starts attacking me. In my memory I didn't throw a single punch just tried to block (unsuccessfuly). I can't get over how this went down, it's been about 1,5y now and I came to conclusion something died in me that night, I beat myself about how I didn't defend myself I get really stressed out when I don't expect anyone and I hear knocking and I tend to think about that night when I'm feeling down. It might be ungrammatical so sorry for that folks. It might be first time I wrote/said how it actually went down. How do you find peace with yourself after collision with reality about what would you really would do. I pressed charges, it was back in june 2016, outcome was guilty but since he plead innocence there was appeal made which still wasn't conducted. When I felt really bad I emailed person that helped me with everything from witness care to check on case and got: ""It looks like the appeal has been put off until 16/3/19, this seems to be because of other ongoing matters not connected to your case."" ",4.3930800737251685,5.805759112840465,4.882928527544543,84.14625639975425,70.71206225680933,8.212082736022937,26.75588777390948,8.6894789155246,1.8239151750972769,1040,34,207,18,19,331,149,257,0.106,0.8170000000000001,0.077,-0.5034,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,0,3,22,9,2,1,2,0,26,1,1,7,0,39,47,20,1,3,3,1,4,2,0,4,0,1,2,1,18,13,0,2,7,0,1,7,7,6,0,1,21,6,29,3,38,19,1,42,0,1,1,0,11,16,0,3,20,141,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.12066787870351617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459451060233998,0.0,0.0,0.0864613305884284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28134718158863875,0.0,0.19016365995539627,0.10324542187287993,0.1507559267640283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828530901055962,0.12607287977697065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833270420928827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111317004195674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504574624888154,0.08833801185223507,0.1187266530033748,0.0,0.11301696510787315,0.1051795167107443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920759313371222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889691790125144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936636579212752,0.0,0.08288226581539923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237351944086795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082160804876788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383771096209414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700383449031755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623534278404773,0.12485468181293452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320806740098813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796937712781664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243058177444182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23764659821640935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762269732714915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125694089503743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022873681775093,0.0,0.12374269846439387,0.0,0.0,0.09519442652279253,0.0,0.13841985480323268,0.08752251116242876,0.13179806908385286,0.09874976294081908,0.0,0.14164454900871928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923210418673872,0.0,0.0,0.07210329045295746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395254005286447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438838148262013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756796515319742,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HeyMama_,2018/12/25,"Merry Triggermas: My Mother is Coming Into Town Today being Christmas Day always lends itself to family. Enter my mother. She’s coming into town to have dinner with myself, my husband, and our daughter. We just received a last minute invite to our BILs where my mother and step-father are always welcome but we wouldn’t need to cook a second dinner (we hosted Christmas Eve last night). My mother is such a trigger for my anxiety that the very thought of telling her our plans changed on top of taking her to meet new people and expecting her not to pretend to be the pristine picture of motherly perfection is just too much for me today. Pray for me (of if you’re not into prayers—some positive vibes will do). ",5.234776119402987,6.914737552238804,5.8389850746268674,77.06683582089553,69.0,7.44955223880597,28.32537313432836,7.908726449838941,2.0914501492537307,568,20,91,7,10,184,90,134,0.042,0.835,0.12300000000000001,0.8503,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,6,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,5,0,10,3,0,1,1,24,15,5,0,4,6,7,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,12,3,0,1,2,0,4,3,0,0,1,1,0,19,2,19,10,1,20,1,0,0,0,21,8,0,1,8,69,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629528657916576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684568354979654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23072057746082555,0.3757471819198081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14065627200490113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560499912523408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555607511009467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032838399683974,0.16171817372588354,0.0,0.21064206196906127,0.0,0.20467180625657946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120287974271804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639838414005797,0.0,0.1906287623759152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314681022025588,0.0,0.0,0.4134660525612239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799551045501899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hamhamliz,2018/12/25,"Being startled awake by noises in my head I'll be falling asleep and then suddenly hear a random noise that I know isn't actually happening and is coming from my mind. It will be different noises like various text tone sounds I don't use and ones that I do. Occasionally there will be voices but I can't make out what they're saying. I feel like I'm losing it.. I can't sleep and I'm scared because I've been having a lot of suicidal thoughts lately that I never used to have until recently this year. The noises just started a couple days ago and I don't see my therapist until next week.. I don't know what to do :(",1.9338020833333327,3.934193109375002,4.057500000000001,84.97083333333336,78.84375,7.079166666666668,21.604166666666664,8.07648339933343,1.1329197916666671,490,14,100,9,12,168,83,128,0.163,0.797,0.040999999999999995,-0.9432,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,2,4,0,18,3,3,3,1,20,32,9,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,4,0,0,8,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,2,6,12,2,9,24,2,17,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,2,15,64,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.17676117431965072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056483363842985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104179295135003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15603136062165185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042191448992447,0.0,0.11681678829238837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924703348220734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158706189298946,0.12940254589566505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16017666849419696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858962872067645,0.0,0.20415178208780946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909360348524588,0.0,0.20432764182794247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698636581125596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264320895561266,0.0,0.15399410172478414,0.0,0.0,0.1209087066823783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289424172928265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13970211771394678,0.0,0.19263862977169288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12274144672202154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788484981759415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404545010144776,0.18134726576611848,0.0,0.14434077048446253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812653452522435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820795408600189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813177874884694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21031115266386533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380058553163694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128841565908184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14529519575154906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664469991737758 ptsd,dameapster,2018/12/25,"Pff to a good start First of all merry ducking Christmas. I am sitting on my bed at 3in the morning after waking up to my nightmare(my rape in full details) I get almost every night. I hoped and hoped and hoped that it would not happen but it did. And so I woke up shaking and crying and not doing great. Then my dog. The one person who was there for me when I needed it most jumped off my bed and started to go downstairs. I let her out and when I picked her up she yelped and me peed all over me. I take her up stairs again and she jumps off my bed and runs back downstairs. I am alone and depressed on Christmas. I have my family is the other rooms but by dog. The one who I saved as a puppy doesn't like me. And can't even be in the same room as me. I feel like I am the monster this Christmas. ",1.171705426356592,2.67698097674419,2.6029302325581405,96.82424031007751,79.34883720930233,4.81922480620155,19.606201550387595,4.604124745555138,-0.5462617054263568,616,14,145,1,15,200,101,172,0.146,0.782,0.07200000000000001,-0.9456,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,11,1,1,8,0,13,2,1,1,2,30,25,20,0,5,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,5,1,8,13,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,3,0,3,3,1,29,8,22,19,5,33,0,1,0,1,8,17,0,5,12,112,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846189681085632,0.19095072947439584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176841640739127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025207403781452,0.0,0.0,0.158796789671318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177401644830825,0.0,0.15533887352576992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380672870225178,0.0,0.09322252962707224,0.13171328372420027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682421684641995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632521729269077,0.0,0.1047811779647372,0.1546400089514343,0.0,0.2032675247478975,0.0,0.0,0.16303693901342395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5493601908972526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885298415256828,0.0,0.1801468066494508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670731191646687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301786072511502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24986647495871284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098394003873526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609947202405777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862257802643882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13097048089278512,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,becklehere,2018/12/25,"Recovering, but it seems to be wasted time I won't go into too much detail, but I was lived with someone who physically/verbally abused me and I've been recently diagnosed with PTSD and I'm curious if mood swings are common for people when they are trying to recover. Like there are times when my mood just takes a huge dip, I go from feeling decent to agitated and on-edge, angry and then suddenly depressed or as anxious. I must want to be a better person and not be so twisted up by all this inner turmoil. I'm going to therapy, and it's helped, but sometimes I feel like this won't ever get better. ",9.276446280991737,6.2044222644628135,9.938909090909096,66.90836363636367,61.892561983471076,12.985785123966945,38.249586776859495,11.20814326018867,4.160413553719007,478,17,90,10,5,165,87,121,0.193,0.642,0.16399999999999998,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,7,8,0,1,2,0,11,1,0,0,3,23,22,16,0,3,7,0,2,2,0,3,1,0,0,1,5,9,0,0,3,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,2,2,8,4,13,14,2,16,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,3,11,61,13,0,0.0,0.23242195374844454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216091892486319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469817720850566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895554093402293,0.1991020658411139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744133248510607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837256096903114,0.14013941431612062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248745725250273,0.0,0.334453120356763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148441927798712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916713884959119,0.0,0.17321617539753134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420291903264035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359952372841917,0.17128261048118376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293049134363624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368802686388134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17858010056424178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620889945458028,0.0,0.1940109537359564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749071882752365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243303313525001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287693074017701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318230223517774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157024556722133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,slimeygoth,2018/12/25,"Christmas eve [TW: vomit] I have a traumatic event tied to Christmas Morning. I posted about it last year if you want a more in depth story, but I feel like I took a huge step back. I got so worked up at the thought of sleeping that i threw up. I feel like a little kid or something. I’m very tired so i’m sorry if i don’t make too much sense, I just felt like i had to share my progression from last year to now. 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I have the deep fear that when I go to sleep something bad is going to happen, like i’ll die. I also have noticed I’ve been trying to sleep with one eye open incase if anything happens. 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I was sexually solicited by a married man in my church, then he accused me of soliciting him. I don't know how many people he told, but I was told I could no longer go to church (unless I went before 6 elders to confess 'my' sin.) I feel ashamed already, but also, if I talk about what he did, then I get him in trouble also, so I don't quite get what to do there. You guys, any ideas? He implied to me early on that he was suicidal, that I should keep the relationship secret, (I felt almost threatened), I still felt horribly guilty, that I was going to go to hell, and I still feel that way, even though I try to trust in Jesus to forgive all my sins. But I have yet to accuse him to anyone, it's like I am still protecting him, when I really would like my name back, etc. I isolate myself in my small community. I don't want to hurt his wife, or take his job away, or his family, or his reputation, even though he has taken my reputation for no reason, my name, and made me feel like garbage, and completely valueless. Like I have no voice. Like I do not matter. What would you do? It's actually even more complicated, I'm just writing the bare outline here. Every day, I make a decision to protect him, even though he has given me nothing but enduring and ongoing pain. I don't want to see him hurt. But at some point I deserve to have a life, and have my name cleared, at least half of it. I don't want to treat him like he has treated me. but doing nothing does not feel right either. I don't want to be vengeful. Any thoughts? Two of my brothers even made me feel guiltier than I already did. ""Gee, like next time I feel like shit, I'll just call you guys, (my brothers) because I know you'll make me feel worse, not be kind in my confession. "" I was also doing informal counseling with this guy, I had already had cPTSD from prior physical and sexual abuse in my life. Thanks for your responses. I am really interested in any practical or kind ideas, even for him. Is there anything simple I could do, that would gently clear my name? Or is it just going to get worse? I also happen to know that there are leadership in that church who have had affairs, and done unethical business deals, cheating their partners. Yet they go unscathed. It's a little late tonight, and it's Christmas Day tomorrow, so I might not check this real quickly, but I will eventually. Thank you. The emotional part of this is hard, I became attached to him, yet afraid of him and his helpers. I may have to just become really objective about this, while doing what I can to respond kindly. Without malice, even though I have been destroyed emotionally especially. 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Its that time of year, holidays, presents, families. All traumas abound, expectations, everything, its all too much. Call a mutiny, I rather swim to shore to lay wasted in solitude. Presents you say? Ah, a captain only needs the sea, please stop with this filth of attachment. I rather receive a hand draw note in a child’s writing than your gilded socks, toaster or whatever you want to pretend is a gift. What do you think led to a life at sea than a family who takes what they give. Nothing is safe from you but the things that are invisible. You can have my ship, my crew, but you’ll never find my treasure. For I’ve even hidden it from myself. Each jewel of joy, bliss, I’ve stashed away. So far away, I’ve forgotten the warmth of the sun on cold winter days. They tell me, that its a process which will take time. Yet, when I repeat their wisdom, you look at me with disappointed. Its fine, fake “how are you’s” aren’t really worth my time, but here I am trying. Trying to understand, and change what family means to me. Part of me will always think “I was safer on the deserted island”, but damned the sea it calls to me. ",3.670824032738096,5.498231949218752,3.9603794642857153,88.38119791666668,73.2578125,7.2199404761904775,25.081101190476193,7.957251820313856,1.2865288690476184,1033,33,210,15,21,321,162,256,0.098,0.75,0.153,0.9442,1,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,9,3,1,11,10,1,0,15,1,14,4,3,3,4,31,25,9,0,5,7,0,2,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,18,6,0,2,5,4,1,4,2,4,1,0,2,7,28,6,33,20,5,28,0,1,3,0,23,10,1,1,13,129,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521197265658446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13395970054840325,0.0,0.0,0.2827630870135675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073151787676217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918859642187885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704758355242936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939106368429036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524232364479874,0.0,0.42557935128640495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753660669967285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435477114321976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628894785482706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636586374051334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16391756515415778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062060738547884,0.1115795104825621,0.11605996997076297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439026188324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144473308754688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295590197630666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518258777165756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640177083504817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966826907685507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258085786620115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418262511320991,0.0,0.2262854734130385,0.0,0.13152673876873544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997267097958099,0.1928438750964096,0.0,0.0,0.2632394674016028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20433299499182853,0.0,0.0,0.1566556850331905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875739831282196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096904618134561 ptsd,People-WhatCunts,2018/11/02,"Psychologist diagnosed me with PTSD, but I feel so guilty about that, like I'm faking it, because my experience doesn't line up with the usual suspects. Anyone else? She thinks childhood trauma (not violent or sexual, but emotional) and the multiple panic attacks I had a few years back resulted in PTSD, which admittedly is much better than it used to be, but I still feel like a different person. I feel so guilty about it, like I'm disrespecting those with more legitimate reasons to have PTSD. So my parents were emotionally abusive my entire life and I had some intense panic attacks? Other people were assaulted, shot at, beaten, in plane crashes, etc, things that seem way more legitimate. ""Actual reasons"" for being diagnosed.",6.569765625000002,8.8523189453125,7.194187500000003,66.28206250000002,66.578125,10.4325,33.1125,10.577609850970193,4.2470349999999994,587,26,87,17,10,193,89,128,0.33,0.5820000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9935,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,7,13,5,2,4,0,9,3,0,4,0,22,18,9,0,0,5,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,9,5,0,0,9,0,0,0,2,9,0,0,4,3,10,4,13,12,6,10,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,8,63,19,1,0.0,0.15319336923792934,0.12617321684737276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040603290996843,0.1324779521469385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29418333473153263,0.0,0.09941983302364588,0.0,0.07881699936633642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435087321266625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624632982944831,0.0,0.13508570015546695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080093371071767,0.29087882456974345,0.0,0.0,0.14419804301866102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264752675159082,0.0,0.0,0.19612622961658896,0.0923683356751763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132484447932053,0.18950093988527109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504666260771563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30339952333164066,0.1435667371580971,0.0,0.0,0.08963683621051402,0.11289536022005844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4534166205764008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658734782660904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177052633930349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032551113604316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589781735221008,0.08284698107099242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166932073626727,0.1424001170116845,0.0,0.0,0.10262831041534268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326170649985239 ptsd,sweetestbb,2018/11/02,"Minimizing ptsd My boss multiple times has stated that ""we all have ptsd from this election"". I cant tell if she says it seriously or not. I understand she is upset with the current state of the country, but to claim that she is ""traumatized"" comes off as sort of offensive. I have no desire to disclose to her that I suffer from PTSD, so its just really frustrating to see my disability minimized to ""im upset"". ",5.786962025316456,6.441415291139244,7.151746835443039,71.92964556962029,66.9746835443038,11.383291139240509,32.255696202531645,11.20814326018867,3.8668865822784806,324,13,60,10,5,111,58,79,0.218,0.742,0.04,-0.9421,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,0,0,0,2,6,2,2,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,13,9,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,2,11,0,12,9,1,6,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,3,2,45,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20263032964236574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540894093636394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8249159358004203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506947431682961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18706481133824715,0.0,0.0,0.18744832953819093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560190903995498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716485215373744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448833462024685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cooperpetertime,2018/11/02,"My abuser has been recently released from prison. Has anyone made contact with an abuser well after the fact? This is not a person I know in any capacity outside of the traumatic event. He testified against the 3 other men who did the most damage to me, he was just the get away driver. I go back and forth between hating him and wanting to speak with him. I have no idea how he would respond but I want to find peace. If I do reach out, any suggestions on how to do it/what to say without causing more damage?",3.4155882352941163,4.9368642352941166,4.537401960784315,85.24080882352943,73.31372549019608,7.060784313725492,26.47549019607843,7.645422480735847,1.452878431372549,400,14,79,5,8,131,79,102,0.182,0.738,0.08,-0.8833,0,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,7,0,10,0,0,4,1,22,17,6,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,4,2,9,1,17,12,2,9,0,2,0,0,13,4,0,2,4,59,12,0,0.0,0.5126722410971952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942471053747473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512750314560768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20326536837427012,0.16635768525522382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22224822711948972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19773747217871274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130325116595084,0.0,0.12295513109519755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213598124417356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442297177202708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889879372104804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20471300432858766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890607870762316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21361681460063955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17204802121467214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552144334614924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452216506625333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20855103405106384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368688308880138,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,grrl_scout,2018/11/02,"Something that helped me with night terrors Hey all, I was diagnosed with PTSD recently. I feel like I haven’t gotten a good sleep sense, I wake up in sweat, often screaming, and have vivid nightmares. My psychiatrist prescribed me Propanol to take at night and it’s worked like a charm. I don’t even dream and I wake up feeling like I actually slept! Obviously one size doesn’t fit all and what works for me might not work for you, but if you’re suffering from night terrors it’s worth a shot. ",3.7638402061855687,5.642114082474227,3.8583376288659785,88.99616623711344,73.12371134020619,7.32422680412371,26.55798969072165,8.07648339933343,1.4568360824742257,394,14,82,6,8,121,68,97,0.135,0.6990000000000001,0.166,-0.5487,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,3,2,9,0,2,3,0,6,6,5,0,3,16,11,6,0,1,3,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,2,1,1,0,4,4,0,1,3,4,12,5,10,7,2,9,0,1,1,0,3,5,0,3,7,47,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.18586885424049066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332055468312132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258020209166148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19261223311991052,0.2721401126011403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975514488274972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766638437239008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791584732010013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20205597198980932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5362226812103621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906574171535215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264637420918634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806372817188927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19060510411983575,0.0,0.0,0.14663122595654313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320789417174054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159879361726937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wellfuckmedead1,2018/11/02,"Nightmares... trigger warning - sexual assault I was raped in January 2014. Every year since I've sporadically had nightmares from October/November through the beginning of February. Usually these nightmares contain themes of me dying or becoming severely irreparably injured, not flashbacks of the actual trauma. Lots of murders, lots of rape, lots of being buried alive and abandonment stuff. Today I had my first nightmare of the season and weirdly enough, in my dream, I killed the bad guy and ended up saving myself and multiple other people. I was the hero! It was bizarre in comparison to the memorable dreams of prior years. Does this mean there's a possibility that my coping mechanisms are working and that there's even a slight chance that these dreams will stop all together at some point? What do you think?",8.720277777777781,10.226448821428576,8.092380952380951,64.75039682539685,60.78571428571429,11.650793650793652,38.4126984126984,11.429527900616536,5.097603174603174,665,32,95,19,9,209,102,140,0.271,0.638,0.091,-0.9863,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,3,3,11,5,0,8,0,9,3,0,1,1,20,12,6,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,10,5,0,3,3,3,0,0,1,9,0,1,5,0,10,2,16,5,6,16,0,1,0,2,2,6,0,5,10,70,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.17919682427741054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332375044281332,0.0,0.2028053982226855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190579409303618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606962389573803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264206892923816,0.1897393361039018,0.0,0.12128617636373633,0.0,0.15471656893725128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561959618094206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181823009839863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20315987910809072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683481102580462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000273865621561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730622860023386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735901241300521,0.2070157345634164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20745013332667836,0.0,0.15190100081348176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535232735625056,0.0,0.0,0.21021292511480807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766297380569415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406018951279426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022429908884175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368515021781752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365039706761199 ptsd,pandadream,2018/11/02,From Shock to Awe - A documentary about two veterans who use Ayahuasca to help heal their PTSD - We interview the producer to discuss the documentary as well as PTSD and how it affects veterans. Hopefully this can help a few people here: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=os3GEIo3ms0](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=os3GEIo3ms0),16.18736434108527,20.14888758139536,9.483720930232561,52.598294573643436,45.27906976744186,13.175193798449614,39.91472868217054,12.45797560212912,6.0819984496124055,278,11,31,8,3,71,34,43,0.053,0.732,0.215,0.7882,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,4,0,7,3,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,7,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,0,23,5,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998803487314435,0.0,0.0,0.29627323899204544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20679949460796107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.697379425290715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913898853451681,0.0,0.0,0.2576302340394925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682021215314144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,peptidehunter,2018/11/02,"MDMA assisted psychotherapy for treatment of chronic PTSD cured 76% of patients. October 2018 Full study just got published and FDA approved is expected by 2021. https://sci-hub.tw/https://doi.org/10.1177/0269881118806297",15.438333333333333,21.628169037037033,7.146203703703705,55.85041666666669,62.33333333333333,10.107407407407408,43.78703703703704,9.516144504307137,6.7028592592592595,192,10,16,5,4,46,26,27,0.0,0.903,0.09699999999999999,0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,8,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5646771161358539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.825311913468172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KJT2016,2018/11/02,"PTSD Treatment: Complementary and Alternative Therapies &#x200B; **Who I am**: Graduate Student, master’s in nursing program **Affiliation**: SUNY Empire State College **Target group**: PTSD sufferers, military vets **Compensation**: none but the information can be helpful in broadening treatment plans for veterans with PTSD by incorporating complementary and alternative therapies **Link**: [https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/RZGV5H9](https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/RZGV5H9) **Background**: This is a graduate course project for a Veterans Advocacy and Outreach course. The treatment of PTSD is not linear and often requires a more holistic approach that incorporates the totality of the individual. I would like to focus my research on complementary and alternative therapies as a viable treatment option in conjunction with conventional medications for veterans living with PTSD. Thank you in advance for participating in this survey. ",9.980128369704753,12.24966297560976,8.792693624304665,37.78862965340181,118.4308943089431,11.050834403080874,42.2612323491656,8.20500826718156,7.692541463414633,778,48,66,30,38,241,83,123,0.017,0.8809999999999999,0.102,0.8922,0,0,0,0,0,0,59.0,0,1,0,4,1,3,0,0,8,0,6,1,0,0,1,17,7,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,18,5,3,9,1,1,0,0,5,6,0,2,1,51,8,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759226115880464,0.16551990885043893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913041252329173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654928604809895,0.0,0.12028308340797415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372254111271569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7961583831713375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541133071127772,0.4673318279038012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676543435767428,0.0,0.16551990885043893,0.0 ptsd,Wild_Barry,2018/11/02,"Idk if this is where to post but I’m in college and the screaming kids are setting me off. So I’m in my third year of college. Finally using that GI bill. I was army infantry but it was all shitty garrison work and no real combat deployments. Had a guy killed maybe 50 meters from me when a Bradley rolled over him. That kind of sucked. Probably more for him than me. But uh, I guess since I stayed with my family up until last semester and they live in the woods I never encountered this. Last semester I was in dorms for older people and things always got quiet by 1 am or 130. The school fucked up this year and put me on a floor with dumbass 17/18 year olds. Even the first week they would scream or bang on a door and for some stupid ass reason every goddamn time my brain tells me that I must have fallen asleep on guard duty and that sound and those screams are my platoon dying and it’s my fault. I killed them. And then I realize it’s some shit eating kid across the hall or in the floor common area. I wake up angry and scared and shaking. My brother is my roommate and I feel guilty waking him up just because I’m fucked up. He’s not even here most nights so at least he doesn’t have to see his older brother like this. I’ve slept maybe four hours on average every night for the last 2 months. My back issues wake me up a lot anyway so it’s never all in one go. Tonight I asked them to chill and they laughed at me. I explain the reaction I was having. They just made fun of me and the service. If I hadn’t still been shaking from waking up in that adrenaline state I would have done something stupid. I can’t fucking hit a kid. I need to graduate on schedule. I’m getting married. I can’t fuck this up. I don’t like to say I have ptsd. I’m just wound tight from the army. A lot of my buddies went through a lot worse than I did. But...idk. I just don’t know what to do. I have a blanket against the door to muffle them and ear-pro in to block them out and it still wakes me up at least twice a week. Last year I had my fiancée to help anchor me when this would happen but she graduated and honestly I hate bringing other people into my twisted stupidity. I feel like a broken piece of shit and it sucks. I don’t know how to get through this and if I get mad I’ll go off on someone so I have to just simmer in my self hatred and weakness. My back is so wound up and tight from this shit I can’t sleep. My grades are starting to slip. I don’t know what to do and I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to post this. I just need help and I don’t know what to do. I can’t keep doing this. 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(tw CSA, miscarriage) (trigger warnings for non graphic csa + miscarriage) I was diagnosed with PTSD seven years ago. I underwent some pretty heavy CSA that I suppressed for most of my childhood, which resulted in a miscarriage at one point. (Note: I'm a transgender man and only use he/him pronouns, please be respectful.) I've been in therapy for all of the seven years I've had it, though my main focus has been more on anxiety and other mental illnesses instead of the PTSD, though that has been covered as well. And as I grow older I find that I just cannot stand children. At all. The younger they are, the worse. I won't go aggro on them or anything, I know better than that, and I make a conscious effort to be as nice as possible. But some days when my energy is low and it's easy to set me off, just the presence of a child can send me into a panic attack. Earlier today my girlfriend's youngest sister (who is 8) came over to her and wanted to sit and watch as we played the Sims together, and I just instantly got thrown headfirst into an out of the blue panic attack. When I removed myself from the situation, I was fine. Later, when my girlfriend brought up her sister again, I was instantly an anxious emotional mess. The entire time this happened I had a constant chant of ""What the hell is this? Why am I acting like this?"" going through my head. Everything I try to search on the internet gives resources for parents who are struggling with PTSD and raising kids. I'm glad that these resources are available for the people who need them, but I can't find anything anywhere that offers support for people who aren't parents that get triggered just by the presence of children. This post is less of a request for advice (though it would be appreciated) and more of a means to reach out to see if I'm the only person with this problem. Just to know I'm not alone in this would make me feel a lot better, as well as more optimistic in working through it.",5.957692307692309,6.425523243589747,6.208525641025642,79.4935576923077,66.56410256410257,8.85897435897436,32.91666666666667,8.72156446121922,2.671358974358974,1595,65,295,23,24,511,205,390,0.076,0.823,0.10099999999999999,0.7624,2,1,0,0,0,0,50.0,1,0,3,4,15,20,3,3,26,0,28,3,1,7,2,55,51,27,0,6,10,4,1,1,2,3,2,0,0,7,25,19,0,1,7,1,0,8,5,9,2,3,11,4,33,11,57,34,11,44,1,1,3,0,27,18,1,6,15,213,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773115597464578,0.08865513617170237,0.0,0.0,0.10358289218029212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650936584608163,0.1129857714203472,0.0,0.06993113587043008,0.10247472843598672,0.16460369762336094,0.0,0.0,0.2275575433380025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690603589476936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143877716253464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807809131004678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449985366362253,0.0,0.0,0.10151068453756318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354769461059076,0.11250071454343627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988487672653064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050569375994082816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828194104539976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225245603688504,0.0959411999099726,0.11367893162304678,0.0,0.07998921316444309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844081256833745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264178203081384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992861966055592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04886110490689717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502713669415934,0.0,0.0,0.13351837525530402,0.0,0.0,0.10894304194218987,0.0,0.0,0.1007891783661004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415807621934069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677711266313556,0.15212817925903188,0.0,0.23468647618083055,0.22210431493383664,0.0,0.0,0.1386722892326309,0.08732714533058049,0.0,0.10978380243022227,0.09454423466145576,0.11274918020401906,0.09578442550578382,0.10174877016682604,0.0,0.09569855194457404,0.35072813482498605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969709414232358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241835363441527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455488539337436,0.0,0.0,0.11349311415613368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437312517039858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947856174081543,0.0,0.058318151791729264,0.0,0.0948002513679068,0.0,0.0,0.06790199092645383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637877572554656,0.0,0.0,0.05899002317402435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984667825381495,0.0,0.09024581623418863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281036450827216,0.0,0.10192138450489202,0.14209216417722506,0.0,0.0,0.12880967171391136 ptsd,terrypete101,2018/11/02,"*TRIGGER WARNING* Molested by dad I'm terrified. I'm depressed. I'm traumatized. I'm in so much pain. I'm losing my mind. I'm new to this so please forgive me. I'm not very good at expressing my emotions. I need advice/help. I was molested multiple times by my biological dad when I was 5 up until middle school (so like 10 yrs old). After many times in the past telling my mom that my dad had ""touched me weird"" my mom had gotten annoyed and mad at me. I lost all hope in my mom. I hated my dad with my entire heart and I still do but was (and still kind of am) terrified of my dad but I try to fight it EVERYDAY. It was only until recently because of all the built up rage and pain that I spoke up about it to my brother and sister in law. They have been the most kindest and helpful people to me in all of this and I'm so thankful and happy they are here for me. My sister in law helped me report it to my teacher. My teacher reported it to the school and a few hours later the cops show up to my house making a legal report of all the times my piece of my evil dad molested me. I also reported it to my school counselor and school physiologist and they referred me to a psychologist for help. About 2-3 weeks later detectives show up to my school. (HERE IS WHERE I NEED ADVICE). The detectives spoke to me while recording the conversation. They tell me they understand that I want justice against my dad and that's why they're there speaking to me. I need advice because they told me since all these occasions my dad had molested me there is no evidence really. They told me one way and most likely the only way to bring him to justice is for me to speak to him over the phone and try to make him admit to molesting me (this would all be done at the police station and would be recorded by the detectives). I'm thinking HOW THE FUCK AM I GOING TO DO THAT?!?! This phone call at the police station will take place soon and I'm terrified each day it gets closer. I don't know what to do! My dad is a evil, disgusting, perverted, piece of shit, child molesting, pedophile, coward, and a sociopathic narcissist. HE WILL NEVER ADMIT!!! WHY IS THIS MY ONLY OPTION?!?! I am deteriorating each second and I'm thinking to myself that this isn't going to work. I keep getting thoughts that I should just call off the entire investigation, torture him to death, and then kill myself. I KNOW IT'S WRONG. I'm just in so much pain and I have all these thoughts and emotions burining inside me. I've been so reckless, destructive, and depressed because it's so hard for me to see a future for myself because I feel my life, soul, and mind are destroyed. Please I need help. I don't know what to do. And again I apologize for writing so much and so unorganized. I just don't know how to do any of this. I don't know how to live. I just want vengeance. I want happiness. I want peace. I want to die. Please help me. I don't want blood. I know it'll just destroy me more and push me to suicide if I kill my dad. I just need help. Please. Help me. ",1.361668689320389,3.5603980825242765,3.183704490291266,89.43584799757284,81.92880258899676,6.257322006472492,22.601233818770233,7.472759873165716,0.9313534789644016,2357,80,500,37,64,786,234,618,0.245,0.643,0.11199999999999999,-0.9989,0,0,0,0,1,3,84.0,0,0,7,3,32,40,22,0,21,0,41,8,3,6,8,93,98,47,5,16,10,16,3,2,0,6,4,4,0,1,28,29,0,1,16,2,0,4,9,31,0,2,18,8,94,9,71,72,18,53,1,4,1,1,56,22,2,5,27,337,122,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493139144651308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111992012011456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04347044437147948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586966565370727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305468990246216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04122562751832856,0.0,0.11011512363249004,0.0,0.06634291641763436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541634409694293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14381156824016994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03232184478183012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909661593928552,0.06679519927994446,0.0,0.0726588515411844,0.05361633487510045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609636144565362,0.057263258897917974,0.0631116175196461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575012985234818,0.3427747442789231,0.0,0.0,0.0634908567364923,0.06295216548525512,0.0737595985686693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681849987390986,0.141444649538316,0.06656690547681555,0.21078542370179212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04515134136452652,0.06245997770881104,0.0,0.05644597526545319,0.0,0.0,0.07151449353848782,0.06978048861012208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533939989746073,0.06480880183548852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908983366168852,0.22460069897191426,0.0,0.0,0.14097426609683542,0.2369938111517457,0.049302052834918834,0.061738101420224026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067077380398021,0.0,0.04331648932992056,0.14585102051273705,0.2040586112477372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102259614985193,0.044316783824291286,0.0,0.06678687049466236,0.2806769869672865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409512875135723,0.0,0.06311713988882411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32347200010805033,0.05093907242858802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561696523329091,0.052878511049790085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209941899704476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06992237185805314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04806281773463612,0.0,0.11174461316187316,0.05885253911662736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191970858935049,0.0,0.10149687322692964,0.1118236212997393,0.0,0.0,0.12216405261759895,0.0,0.0868002647040329,0.0,0.0,0.06654703479884061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052743912549804366,0.2262238362914122,0.10147963357938164,0.05127589713615066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536275491603146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04653736088062894,0.0,0.0,0.09081940967173464,0.06989075023468166,0.0,0.0 ptsd,somethinglacey,2018/11/02,"Reliving trauma... I went through a very traumatic experience a few months ago and I thought I was doing better but yesterday something happened and I'm reliving everything and I feel like I'm going to die. I do have a counselor that I usually see twice a week but she's out of the office until next Tuesday. I'm exhausted but every time I close my eyes, everything happens all over again. IDK what I'm looking for. I feel like I can't breathe. I just want this to be over with. ",1.5283238636363627,4.0221485937500026,3.546969696969697,85.1768181818182,83.89583333333334,7.240909090909091,27.47727272727273,8.296473431620573,2.3095125000000003,379,18,74,9,11,128,67,96,0.165,0.743,0.092,-0.7703,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,5,0,6,3,2,0,1,15,20,7,1,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,3,5,12,3,10,16,2,16,0,0,3,0,1,4,0,0,12,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831384259644606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18272090234362284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144181721091264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406940250124536,0.0,0.3713574994645526,0.20209443404668348,0.0,0.0,0.2089263255684303,0.2951901488527923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741553564615413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653913784174653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018686390871448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349195840351175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649061412628744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197214336221531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463344376234018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590507661765332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16401731493918242,0.12047011583862192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22754070120498554,0.17046662898597856,0.12185802716240335,0.0,0.16572205038406498,0.0,0.0,0.1915202609427304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Chloeisit,2019/06/09,"Anyone here actually responsible for their trauma? **Yes, there's a TL;DR at the end. Sorry for the essay.** **Backstory:** I was diagnosed with PTSD years ago. I then developed panic disorder and other issues. Less than a year ago, I was re-evaluated and the persisting symptoms that were originally attributed to PTSD were instead attributed to a different diagnosis. I initially straight up refused to accept the new diagnosis as it was made by an external therapist who didn't and still doesn't really know me. I still am not convinced I fit the criteria for it, and the more I read about it the more I suspect some of my traits and behaviours were grossly misinterpreted and 'bent' to fit the criteria. PTSD is still what makes the most sense to me. Hence why I'm posting here for now. About a month ago I was in a really dark place and didn't know what to do to help myself. I created this account and joined this sub, the CPTSD sub, and the sub dedicated to my current diagnosis. I was hoping I could either come to terms with my new diagnosis or find more evidence that I might have been misdiagnosed to use as future reference, once I'll be able to choose my own therapist. I can't say I achieved any of that. I feel lost, confused, trapped. But after a month+ of lurking, reading, trying to make sense of things I did figure out the number one factor preventing me from feeling like I fit in - here or in any of the three subs. I believe it's the fact that I'm completely responsible for my trauma. And no, I am not a victim of abuse convinced it was their fault. My trauma was objectively my fault. It wasn't intentional, I didn't mean for it to happen. But it did, and it was my fault. I guess when I joined I was really hoping to find even just a few people with a similar 'profile' as me, somewhere on Reddit. No such luck thus far. **TL;DR:** Is there anyone else here, PTSD diagnosed or not, who can objectively say the trauma they experienced and have been suffering from was the direct cause of their own actions? Whether intentional or not. I am honestly desperate to find people that can understand this guilt. I feel very alone rn. Please, do reach out if you can identify with this. If you don't want to out yourself commenting, I understand. Please consider DMing me. I am a good listener. You don't even have to tell me your story, I understand it can be shameful and painful. Just a dm saying you're in the same boat as me would really help right now.",3.0490726472206973,5.455093289029534,4.635024766097967,80.18494771601543,77.08016877637132,8.594312970097231,25.91616217207852,9.26112553598018,2.4976126949183644,1945,74,368,53,46,651,224,474,0.16,0.7390000000000001,0.10099999999999999,-0.9766,2,2,0,0,1,0,71.0,0,4,4,3,20,24,1,4,29,1,45,4,0,11,1,80,68,28,0,7,16,0,3,1,0,2,4,4,0,0,25,21,0,2,17,2,1,2,14,15,0,2,23,8,53,9,55,40,12,43,0,2,0,0,19,18,0,14,23,267,78,3,0.08275346553955397,0.09804932471754634,0.08075544503568786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22006786242725968,0.0,0.0,0.08570763315957836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125503886082921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572629443833607,0.08479070479738939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323481748150936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501060460032407,0.0,0.07128478306972076,0.08676543416765405,0.0,0.0,0.06607190852255737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798605115176485,0.0,0.08645975831153087,0.09484264093235846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912990176552918,0.0,0.07329500793815877,0.0,0.0,0.10931576704470808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255279159206833,0.05911909231638163,0.0,0.0,0.2269055048931549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940968068299849,0.0,0.0,0.09116227200001828,0.0,0.07317861627911071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093580716594977,0.0,0.0,0.1643857269481693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863731179979697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095828094089783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04042916322362343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033518317906307,0.0,0.0,0.07830332998861471,0.11047716167768667,0.0,0.0,0.0901427839822983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877883495157465,0.0,0.0,0.13210605335911665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984762537516872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812974001867906,0.05607588992612328,0.0,0.08805552188722493,0.09709336158045488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11474166674417875,0.0,0.08645975831153087,0.18167690952625,0.0,0.0,0.07925494481619261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869374911319231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555171960517467,0.0,0.21205595619291326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067100741352529,0.0,0.1974266318338528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263572954551846,0.0,0.0,0.1982610734306912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601253643163638,0.0,0.0,0.07233017638821097,0.0,0.0,0.1921663034284428,0.054977725393678865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618417102121419,0.0,0.0,0.25844782825315765,0.0,0.07147242432440215,0.0,0.06828027571414744,0.048810138043589496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467213117127261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05878568760638095,0.0,0.0,0.10658103725705892 ptsd,141633,2019/06/09,"I feel like my trauma isn't really valid trigger warning for a shooting(kind of) &#x200B; title kind of explains it all but here's my story. yesterday i was at pride for the first time ever. my parents aren't all that supportive of the LGBT community so it took me years to find the courage to go. we were one block over from the main event because we wanted to get food and suddenly a guy runs by and yells ""don't go that way"" but we don't see anything so we keep walking and suddenly a flood of people is running towards us and yelling ""RUN"" so we start running and we get caught in this stampede and there's people falling and tripping and suddenly i hear a loud noise and i've grown up around guns so i don't really scare easy but this sounded exactly like a gun shot and i've never run faster in my life and then we're ushered into this building and there's maybe fifty people crammed in and people including adults are crying and holding their kids, people are praying, people are calling their loved ones. i called my mom and had to tell her i loved her and that i was safe but i didn't know what was happening and to tell my dad too because he was on a plane to india and i din't even get to say goodbye to him because i left before he went to the airport and then my friend and i just kinda took charge because nobody else was and we didn't know what was going on. i have no regard for my personal safety so i ran outside to find a cop and all i hear is ""gun in custody, no dead, people injured"" so as i'm running back into the building a second wave of people starts running and i barely make it back into the building before getting trampled and there's even more people and two girls are having massive panic attacks and there was no cell service and the news wasn't updating on anything so we didn't have any information on what was happening and nobody would say anything and there were a bunch of cops outside but for an hour we were in a complete communications blackout and i thought there was a shooter and i was going to die. when i got home and i was in service i found out that there was a fight and somebody whipped out a gun and chaos ensued. i really didn't feel anything while it was happening. my hands weren't shaking at all and when i got home i couldn't even cry but today i was at the pool and walking in and outside there was chalk on the ground that said ""RUN"" and my stomach immediately dropped for no real reason and then inside there were people playing water polo and they missed the goal and the ball made the same sound i heard when i was running yesterday and after i left i got in my car and i just started crying for ten minutes. afterwards i was out with my friend and some kids ran past us and again my stomach just dropped and i was back in that moment. we saw a movie and this guy kept walking in and out of the theater and all i could think about was how there was nowhere to hide. &#x200B; that's my story. i feel like i'm just overreacting because there wasn't actually a shooter and so many other people actually have lived through shootings so in comparison this was nothing. i just don't know how to feel about all of this. i'm alternating between feeling absolutely nothing, like now as i'm typing this, and complete anxiety and crying. i know i should talk to a therapist but there's none covered by insurance in my area and my old therapist was really expensive. i'll have access to a counselor for free in college but i don't know if i can live like this for the next two months if every loud noise or sound of people running makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry and with all of this shame because i feel like i shouldn't be this affected by something that wasn't really even a real threat in the end. i didn't know where else to go and i don't know what to do.",3.5026166024818166,4.941569234916564,4.439353658536589,86.35935569105696,72.95378690629012,6.990509199828839,27.360740265297387,7.492282038375204,1.4399725117672229,3050,112,617,35,60,988,302,779,0.124,0.778,0.098,-0.973,1,0,1,8,2,0,42.0,12,0,3,3,47,26,3,4,36,0,63,9,3,8,10,149,125,87,2,9,16,3,7,6,2,3,2,13,2,7,27,77,2,5,21,4,2,29,25,9,0,7,52,22,78,18,84,67,13,110,1,1,2,2,49,40,0,5,44,428,105,6,0.0,0.0,0.10330714143817077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470265434815533,0.1286352871319059,0.03599527842902585,0.0,0.040492501364349086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423266751418787,0.04712031385237002,0.0,0.06021729517807724,0.0,0.12210331568652916,0.0,0.1935995396975537,0.0,0.0900817242605845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080980893197446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099547498674472,0.0,0.0,0.04226154654842944,0.0,0.29071418634836155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493460632330464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843505891326972,0.0,0.04688165453383982,0.0,0.0,0.13984319450557273,0.04787962977230944,0.04459712535219287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058273418870986,0.1134429590894896,0.0,0.0,0.09675698060457946,0.045023561058584696,0.06400505695398702,0.05803672753880468,0.08178958965249472,0.0,0.1106182294920966,0.0,0.15041113734704012,0.0,0.12700262068739798,0.0,0.0,0.1048211399391886,0.140421620960447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193154385185328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618934837048913,0.0,0.052126928010852266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04704800589116567,0.0,0.11024015656801868,0.20362862197673215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502059771094232,0.0,0.03738712882646363,0.15515813013688434,0.0,0.09347908102871524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554560568376776,0.05008512542181345,0.07066445960443106,0.053664297672800065,0.0531768702406336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06199280769374173,0.04224946916327939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040824085066859146,0.0,0.05629331850978567,0.0,0.0,0.10157852591952914,0.0,0.05554277207482506,0.0,0.07173559491015401,0.0,0.0,0.062103785280774586,0.05877423748080118,0.0,0.05052916690028223,0.4403529789212569,0.04621779977312857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049541541068133,0.1695465755400969,0.054422463241780586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035003830211887,0.08418660797220616,0.05299372926785091,0.0,0.04217960321073516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04074930375248701,0.0,0.0,0.11239569971097996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600661112399853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04254438590467756,0.0925290394856048,0.0,0.0,0.1229152503534555,0.0,0.033916408747744015,0.0,0.04202174907919548,0.030864820468432294,0.0,0.05017293327954305,0.0,0.11761782979141815,0.0,0.0,0.1034128929912841,0.0,0.1273403077228617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062440815381023036,0.042014611518003266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04906808986540027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03760106418464237,0.0,0.1286352871319059,0.034086191605024525 ptsd,kingsolo_sm,2019/06/09,"Steps to seek therapy when your scared. Police brutality victim I’ve posted about this before and no replies which sucks. I have severe trauma with an unlawful jail torture/being snatched off the side of the street. Happened a couple years ago. To anyone who acknowledged they needed therapy but were to scared to take steps to do so- but eventually saw one. How did you do it? I fear what happened to me will happen again, I’m afraid they will some how hear I’m running my mouth and they will retaliate. I feel fuggin alone.... any thoughts? I’m a stand up healthy 29 year old man who is full of wasted potential. Im clean and sober too. Please share insight",2.357619047619046,5.1296144444444485,2.951079365079366,88.86614285714286,83.12698412698413,5.899682539682541,21.89206349206349,7.3011,0.9127339682539684,524,17,100,8,15,163,95,126,0.185,0.723,0.092,-0.8753,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,3,0,7,9,3,4,5,0,9,1,1,2,0,14,22,9,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,1,6,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,8,0,1,4,3,10,1,12,15,2,16,0,0,1,0,10,5,1,1,6,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534781217327874,0.0,0.0,0.17932077510648978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177411053120421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106348089350487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732934770554654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157606490142876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19483058298007014,0.08754476254753357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593212660985963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19514131054247894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702086028463386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283810813557148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816812554757536,0.0,0.11732411309989435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900556755227461,0.0,0.0,0.16582021474097194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34668659507144944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955988646449107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017969717834466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960012512724494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745378282002813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229929063261452 ptsd,DueKaleidoscope6,2019/06/09,Pointless Short Vent (TW) I just wish I could enjoy sex and my sexuality without being reminded of stuff,4.1431578947368415,7.079876210526319,6.1255263157894735,68.06618421052633,76.36842105263158,8.010526315789475,30.552631578947373,8.841846274778883,3.243400000000001,84,4,13,2,2,29,18,19,0.0,0.718,0.282,0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896086603042995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5586151007107895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5611476425491472,0.4703908846218197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,laceyfayce,2019/06/09,"Triggered and unmedicated I stopped my medication cycle after roughly 5 consistent years of combined medication/CBT/EMDR treatment; I stopped due to financial inability and a psychiatrist that wouldn't listen to me, who decided to treat me for Bipolar 2 (that she diagnosed) instead of PTSD (diagnosed 5 years ago). I've been struggling with my anxiety and depressive symptoms, but I've been able to use the tools developed in CBT and EMDR treatment to manage, for the most part. Weed helps too. The other morning I took the bus to work. As a man got off, I smelled it. It was his cologne. And I was right back there. My blood ran cold, I felt the tactile sensations of the alley where I was assaulted; I couldn't breathe, feeling the weight if my attacker's body again. When I got to my workplace I ran to the bathroom, vomited violently, and spent the rest of the day shaky, jumpy, and sobbing at random. It's been a couple days now and I'm still trying to settle back into reality. I can't find peace. I toss and turn. I relapsed on self harm. I'm working so hard to be kind and patient and gentle with my brain while I get my bearings again, but intrusive thoughts only serve to keep me trapped here, angry, afraid, and worthless. I'm currently looking for a new doctor. I need meds again. How do I cope in the meantime? Why won't my mind let go? Am I going to relive this forever? I feel so alone and detached from everything, everyone, seeking comfort leads to feelings of guilt. I don't know how to handle this.",4.270210667861946,6.046873687285228,5.280430300313764,79.73943523083823,71.57731958762886,8.359838637382339,32.23980277902286,8.964715089967882,2.893433168982518,1197,57,221,24,23,393,180,291,0.201,0.742,0.057,-0.9903,1,2,0,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,0,3,17,14,3,4,15,0,15,12,4,5,0,42,39,23,0,4,3,0,7,0,0,2,7,1,0,2,9,16,1,3,8,0,1,6,5,11,0,0,14,11,32,3,33,20,3,34,0,3,1,0,7,8,1,4,20,141,41,5,0.13009398508605027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532046835688806,0.0,0.0,0.13473813425606238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952154250793256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800068901285746,0.0,0.2000684886174235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450508984101976,0.0,0.14522791202007435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394652007057182,0.0,0.16779971594728335,0.0,0.11204975872603136,0.2640853128109366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133156706289723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431037780497314,0.11692008528675885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733828323918146,0.0,0.12491062714380845,0.0,0.11890354551739178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796873777623998,0.0,0.14787081948293032,0.0,0.2080960883700463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165386575742772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719925593966732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563351140202825,0.0,0.13547286606532874,0.07149625195166004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302991388764362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924618246489276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14450508984101976,0.13105600339281293,0.0,0.0,0.13135783931052955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646304152640676,0.0,0.12564558146303967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894233791742713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087910828189348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15207290677297905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109955244202888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571639888864595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389322453897107,0.21752879350995988,0.0,0.13600247964441378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521746260163894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328009251917586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453920420909472,0.08832527627996825,0.1415048983453909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123594334508972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15841942631117262,0.0,0.0,0.11738958671520412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941994110905788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755252219314276 ptsd,windowpaneveins,2019/06/09,"Age of Trauma I was wondering if the mental capacity of a person can be halted at the time the trauma occurred? for example, say someone was exposed to trauma at age 15, they are now 30 but don’t act a day over 15. could this happen???",2.428750000000001,4.028024375000005,5.069166666666664,80.0925,76.08333333333334,7.300000000000002,24.5,8.07648339933343,1.577649999999999,182,6,35,3,4,65,38,48,0.163,0.8370000000000001,0.0,-0.7013,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,9,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,7,5,0,9,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,5,25,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136544277666328,0.0,0.0,0.2533522522059722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473911610399786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39589493443211693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430167309154516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31240577434709943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332855934293623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290708313537985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260231848877451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,k1505449,2019/06/09,"CBD: Another tool in the box There's a lot of hyperbole about CBD oil. I thought I'd share my experience for anyone that may be curious about trying this. **TL;DR - CBD isn't going to 'cure' anything, but I've found it extremely helpful in reducing more distressing experiences to manageable level. Would recommend trying it out.** &#x200B; ***Where I'm at*** I've been struggling with consequences of trauma for the past three to four years. I've been having psychoanalytic psychotherapy for past two years, which has been incredibly difficult, but has helped enormously. To give a rough idea of where I'm at in the recovery journey, I'm at the point now where mostly I can get on with everyday life fine just with anxiety, still being very easily startled and finding other people threatening. It happens less frequently now but when things build up and I get into an overwhelmed state then I find it hard (but usually manage) to go to work, have extremely high levels of anxiety and attacks, hear voices, have derealisation, poor sleep, nightmares, body shakes. &#x200B; ***Why CBD?*** Recently, I was in a rough patch and was feeling incredibly fed-up of feeling like I was going round and round in a big trauma washing machine. I was running through a mental filofax of things that I'd tried for help and what else I could try. I sent off an email to an acupuncturist, I toyed with the idea of smoking weed again... (haven't for coming up to a year after previously daily use). Then after looking online I saw some positive reports of CBD oil. I inwardly rolled my eyes because there are claims that CBD cures every thing under the sun, so I figured it must just be a trendy placebo effect. Nonetheless, I was feeling desperate and there was a CBD shop twenty minutes walk away so I went over on my lunch break and bought some. &#x200B; ***Effects on Anxiety*** By the second day of taking it I could notice a massive difference. I remember being really surprised by having this feeling inside that at first I thought was an emptiness, but then began to realise it was a inner stillness. An unfamiliar but welcome feeling! This had continued and I have a much greater capacity to feel peaceful than I've had in years. Feelings of anxiety do still crop up to the particular things that set them off for me, but these only get to what I consider but 'normal' levels of anxiety, not to utter terror and disintegration. Best way I can describe it is that inner screams can still be there, but it's as though they've been muffled by a duvet, or are coming from the next room. What this means is that they don't become so all-consuming that I can't think. That allows me some extra space to have enough clarity of mind to recognise I need to take action to look after and soothe myself, and to consider what has set me off. Basically, it creates more room in which I can use all the learning I've gained in therapy. I'm not just suddenly finding myself in lockdown mode. &#x200B; ***Effects on Nightmares*** When I get a spate of bad nightmares I find it really hard to shake them off. Waking up with adrenaline coursing through my body I know sets me up to have a tough day. I've been really pleased with the effect CBD has had here. I definitely have fewer nightmares. I am still dreaming but not recalling them so vividly. Also, when nightmares do occur the CBD is helpful in shaking off the fear that they bring so they have less of an impact on my day. &#x200B; ***Effects on Voices*** They still happen, but I feel stronger in relation to them. I am more able to respond with compassion rather than feel besieged by them. For instance, appreciating that the aggressive things it is saying is coming from a place of fear and that I need to look after the part of myself which hiding it's fear behind anger. &#x200B; ***What I've been taking*** A full-spectrum oil from a reliable CBD shop (i.e. not amazon or a service station). I've been taking 9mg of spray under the tongue first thing in the morning, then 9mg again before my commute home (I live in a big city so travel is not PTSD-friendly). I also take 3mg as needed throughout the day if I can feel myself starting to get overwhelmed. I've noticed that if I take the oil late in the evening it can have an energising effect. That can be good sometimes, but less good on a weekday. &#x200B; ***Research on CBD for PTSD*** I work as a mental health professional and so I was drawn to looking up what the research literature has to say about CBD for PTSD. Basically, not much at the moment. There are some animal studies but these have limited applicability to humans. I found two case studies that looked specifically at PTSD (these don't have the weight of blinded randomised controlled trials but are the best source of rich information for early-stage research). [This study](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5101100/) of a child with trauma noted improvements in anxiety and sleep quality once CBD was started. [This study](https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/full/10.1089/acm.2018.0437) looked at a small sample of adults who were receiving psychiatric treatment of PTSD. Of these, 91% had an improvement in their distress. On average, distress severity was reduced by roughly a third.",3.742341912054947,6.7136765585774025,4.318990289729221,80.16118378463727,78.39330543933055,7.038509512907556,27.742717296913238,8.15367032801135,2.330235051709165,4194,179,699,82,106,1328,410,956,0.106,0.768,0.126,0.9727,0,1,0,0,0,0,206.0,0,0,10,15,40,34,3,14,56,0,77,12,6,10,2,111,138,53,0,11,28,0,18,1,0,3,4,6,3,3,56,28,2,2,33,5,5,18,11,24,0,8,32,39,63,10,140,95,21,136,0,2,12,0,29,67,0,11,46,501,119,11,0.04188758543730913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699497388129665,0.0,0.3176962692461327,0.3562860079172073,0.0,0.04392278557687344,0.19226332924907014,0.0,0.0,0.029288773672638636,0.0,0.03446991376132224,0.0,0.0,0.04765317552311213,0.03935476537334653,0.0,0.03497438419454054,0.025534283296071877,0.04626154717505776,0.035643250040704406,0.0,0.08791687331560194,0.0,0.0,0.09305532908132576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824733762185844,0.0,0.0,0.046980488841626436,0.06688765709568645,0.0,0.0,0.10805610933432327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04376361146388876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034991702735305136,0.0,0.0,0.043281073014125225,0.0,0.02766635513011575,0.0,0.035292097327679066,0.0,0.0,0.08194819231032567,0.0,0.1414055371767606,0.21179621778223348,0.029924499405948962,0.0,0.0,0.15313797692842854,0.07125911754938442,0.0,0.09185515078400776,0.03236224460221676,0.0,0.10942267272330623,0.040182388789608614,0.07141704031142397,0.07026663864356912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408210693267436,0.0,0.07504609798313089,0.0,0.0,0.0445245445680585,0.04721035308482853,0.0,0.11230546226488863,0.0442565338025422,0.04201666349857957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945719707685982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02302032150134869,0.0,0.04725102086808361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02958644035744225,0.020464158421002968,0.0,0.03698750535728417,0.0,0.21105013265622874,0.0,0.0,0.03561132722456986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04562786030768291,0.0,0.0,0.08442566811113822,0.0,0.04229452048333115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158438988754876,0.09317734153829056,0.0,0.0,0.04454792231687429,0.0,0.04104094015207504,0.0,0.09537858729884682,0.0,0.044608911427833804,0.0,0.031857396251963536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04536017311320337,0.07997287995799553,0.029039577603361982,0.0,0.04376361146388876,0.045979990204335866,0.03959730750238113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448217291114463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805027794721962,0.0,0.04135893726338282,0.0,0.047450468803694974,0.0,0.0,0.06662137836864343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732104871698948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383567230112134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041427893060285007,0.0,0.05929649713349292,0.0,0.20070887903181,0.0,0.0,0.04378999906892803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18896550764717346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047902104486831805,0.0,0.1669695030579179,0.02683987340165795,0.04115434001726865,0.06650812789705303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137556837544465,0.0,0.08183616893607251,0.0,0.0,0.07235484969192127,0.046133257525700064,0.03456164480860713,0.0,0.03324841561352086,0.0,0.05100779448142438,0.0,0.038830211354146375,0.037797030660034564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098932215419167,0.0,0.0,0.02975573888112624,0.0,0.3562860079172073,0.10789692673277126 ptsd,beanbool,2019/06/09,"Intense (triggered) fear of drugs I have no idea where to post this, and I’m even sure I have ptsd I just don’t know how to deal with this. When I was in middle school my older brother got into drugs and became a heroin addict shortly after. My mother would cry everyday and act coldly toward me and my little brother. She would go on fits of panic hyperventilating and pacing through our whole house and saying stuff like “please god just take my life instead of his”. My dad would scream at my older brother horrible things and I don’t blame him because my brother was horrible. He would steal things like my favorite video games and pawn them for drug money and I was too scared of upsetting my parents so I wouldn’t tell them. I loved my brother so much I wanted to protect him even though he was ruining my life. I would find his burnt spoons and pills and just sob all night. I watched him but drugs from weird cars in front of our house when I’d get home from school. Sometimes the drug cars would sit outside my house when I was home alone and I was so scared and confused. I would walk past his room and he would be sitting still with a blank expression staring at one corner of his room like a zombie. He actually overdosed and was dead until he was resuscitated in the ER. My parents would pay for different rehabs and they never worked. My parents were so upset about it they mostly ignored me and rarely let me leave the house. I felt so alone I would cut myself and make myself throw up or I would hysterically cry randomly at school or with friends. I wanted to just get in a car accident or find the courage to kill myself. I couldn’t ever get help or tell my family because it would make the situation worse. All I wanted was for my mom to hug me and say everything was going to be okay. Now I’m 19 and he’s doing much better. He seems to be clean but you can never really be sure, but he seems much happier. But I am left with this scar that I don’t think will ever go away. I fear drugs of any kind, I fear alcohol, I fear it all. Being around people doing those things make me panic on the inside. I do a good job usually of hiding it, but then I go home and cry. It’s hard when everyone I know my age does all sorts of drugs and drinks. I’ve lost friends, It’s caused a breakup. I avoid movie scenes with drug use because it makes me that sick to my stomach and memes or people talking about drugs absolutely ruin my day. The thought of my boyfriend smoking or drinking still disturbs me greatly and makes me cry, but I don’t want to control him. I know people use these things to find peace but I don’t know why and it makes me so intensely upset. I wish I could protect everyone from these things but I can’t. I know i sound crazy. I don’t cry as much anymore. Sometimes the urge to hurt myself returns but I do well at suppressing that. I don’t know if this is ptsd or if this was considered trauma I don’t know anything I just know I feel hopeless.",2.567534966676053,4.45499186069652,3.504217904189748,90.20339904252329,76.49585406301824,6.2756531806376925,22.82014456021778,7.130331461381254,0.6722694640007512,2344,69,493,26,53,749,264,603,0.218,0.6629999999999999,0.11900000000000001,-0.997,5,3,12,0,0,5,43.0,2,1,4,4,31,43,2,14,14,1,52,21,1,12,10,122,92,58,2,22,23,11,3,3,2,14,16,4,6,0,25,32,3,6,18,4,2,11,14,27,2,1,16,10,92,16,54,54,10,61,0,6,2,2,47,24,1,15,26,323,117,6,0.0,0.0,0.044516150087386665,0.04972986480024024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048751289626802786,0.0,0.09449205213791734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031021499475770594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045240353524365895,0.0,0.0,0.03753935821479188,0.04060929253128719,0.0,0.0,0.04285919149779948,0.0,0.0,0.08342410840186999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04034501744309588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04686179157003111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05116396321567696,0.03642190313050007,0.0,0.2505436927564513,0.02941954702646665,0.04702969278406632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04766063236744442,0.0,0.0,0.039920226939016513,0.0,0.0,0.0893756678439381,0.4761168966391841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602599253899161,0.0825273744060873,0.0,0.08717905116979317,0.04099811406728406,0.0,0.04300416792242786,0.20532971256766944,0.023065604813861173,0.0,0.04380000345789869,0.0,0.12508084757645835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07048801463034059,0.0,0.07149986396756039,0.0,0.10370202364316124,0.03826183808951161,0.03648452336921523,0.05029351183756325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04086436615881827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030576483354666575,0.0,0.13727437146942076,0.0,0.0,0.21054611991334926,0.048834532622421586,0.05149666332708941,0.0,0.0,0.04526838119834211,0.0,0.05046906219783474,0.04750366031932109,0.2005617074745256,0.0,0.0,0.04830240063826829,0.04956360344077191,0.04664703733794017,0.06444205173062179,0.06685929464601123,0.04572077100442053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04979694645721525,0.0,0.04117162147356947,0.0,0.18270042007566129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053426725262449966,0.0,0.0,0.13413659740699158,0.0,0.07036613626964844,0.0,0.0,0.04280898209037914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030911633650609036,0.0,0.0,0.1070447362328158,0.15195867820229833,0.0,0.043547114869494606,0.09487639977347916,0.0,0.0,0.05007437311693976,0.0,0.0,0.04368900471102611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664895365292942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02922377174887798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255381619636984,0.09134225467616457,0.13850219329750316,0.0,0.08305701165752319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127603945636439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023385021747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286047149247281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222118283877989,0.0,0.0,0.08598800530698654,0.0,0.034298721734192565,0.036665660126542717,0.07974350179165783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153137190975613,0.02922988519904709,0.0448190129716858,0.03621524055166213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879783628035009,0.050241288442552434,0.0,0.10762565570528446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041015657462072815,0.0,0.041162745089156336,0.05093036742112917,0.052457933206286014,0.0,0.0,0.033210120969210694,0.0,0.046488182439635255,0.3888647990959966,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,asianmfmike,2019/06/09,"Medical Marijuana Pretty fresh to therapy but I feel anxious in the therapists office still. Its the first time I've opened up about my episodes at night but there's definitely a sense of unburdening in a way. I have exhausted many different typical therapist prescribed drugs throughout my life to combat my symptoms but they all usually come with another unpleasant symptom. Marijuana products have made my life more bearable for awhile now. I can only get it from a sketchy person I know, and rarely for particular types of thc/CBD products. I do not care for smoking for the health risk so I try to avoid flower. I'd like to ask my therapist about writing me a referral letter for a mmj card but I feel pessimistic he will not want to. I'm just really nervous to continue in my current situation with a dealer. Taking unregulated dosage when I could be working towards functional micro dosage. Any advice?",5.529402597402598,7.987730048484853,6.384610389610393,70.27977272727273,69.72727272727272,10.047619047619053,34.81601731601732,10.290406445055957,4.34387445887446,738,38,117,22,14,243,118,165,0.174,0.765,0.061,-0.9607,3,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,8,6,0,3,9,0,7,8,0,1,1,21,18,7,0,2,7,0,2,1,0,1,8,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,2,16,2,24,14,2,18,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,10,74,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447674265287576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074496551837206,0.15534493155395326,0.0,0.1673638176052424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849734398927807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15104562804511135,0.0,0.0,0.12761542809661255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828323701314468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15478196881463674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17180335912264527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981503801567073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601366913455458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740063559904402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15747321663582747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141765648533733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092810595633972,0.07237708736974541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018016956176912,0.0,0.15019769410240985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492424060465662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902582071960662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267238576175752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935615024231034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071864711534552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949066913885649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652331171112075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831029789347675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079626867255263,0.11138802433242576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694188800884086,0.5160298738746025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638564304910443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058201383755194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316286953494522,0.0,0.08738087420137293,0.11759210578118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785270049622528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Satans_StepMom,2019/06/09,"Does anyone else feel the “waiting”? Bear with me this might be hard to describe... but all my life I’ve always felt like I need to get “somewhere” I’m not sure where, when, what, how, or why but almost like I’m anxious to just skip ahead to tomorrow even though nothing is different about tomorrow, like there’s something I need to get to but it’s just a feeling. I’ve really sorted a lot of toxic crap out of my life and I finally recognize this feeling I’ve always felt since my traumas happened and I’m not sure if I’m just kookoo or if it’s a “PTSD thing”",2.0523076923076933,3.6821185470085496,3.596931623931624,90.11334615384621,77.2051282051282,6.731282051282051,24.52051282051282,7.554174236665415,1.0812399999999998,438,15,95,6,10,145,71,117,0.133,0.755,0.111,-0.39,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,10,7,1,0,4,0,3,3,1,1,3,32,18,12,0,4,12,0,6,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,6,7,5,12,14,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,8,8,54,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377610473436133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721807232774928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476991641950352,0.0,0.11436103827471313,0.16758080924886076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087953567468586,0.0,0.0,0.14312755631893018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366287131218458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802613770451967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24809405445535035,0.0,0.31407574266882043,0.17916584910336486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090084553620802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463061446498088,0.0,0.14651261571655133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310466171064611,0.2397132529960181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390481008614885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350537054297005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24254702822538196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693485646693947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911863394919204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477713574195782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529388858067584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591216652603127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082961700375391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865827491527127,0.0,0.16069136613535145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758240540541215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ignorantChaos,2019/06/09,"Learning to accept my PTSD, and so is my family. Just made this account. Realizing I need ways of expressing my thoughts again, and I've seen how supportive Reddit can be, so here I am. I'll keep things short and simple. My mom passed away back in 2014, and had been sick since 2009. While she was sick, my depression began to develop, and it only got worse once she passed. I've been in and out of therapy a lot in the past 10 years, but it never occurred to me just how traumatic the whole experience was. I'll go into more detail another time, but simply put, I was lied to all 5 years my mom was sick, and then suddenly she was gone, and I had no chance to prepare for the inevitable... It wasnt until summer 2017 that PTSD was mentioned. I had begun seeing a new therapist for the summer, and she said it so matter of factly. At the time I didn't believe it, and in some ways I still don't know. But what really reassured me that what I had been through was trauma, and it was valid, was my dad saying so as well. I mentioned it off handedly and his instant reaction was simply ""Of course you're traumatized!"" It was so validating, but also felt awful considering his mistreatment of me before I left for college, and that summer in 2017 that caused me to seek therapy again. I was by no means an angel, but the fact he knew I suffered from trauma just made it feel worse. All I know now is, it happened, my trauma is real and validated, and I need to do my best to work past it. I feel like this is the first big step of many. Thanks for reading ❤",3.796363636363637,4.709323853503187,5.120949623624785,83.76920092646208,71.61146496815286,8.511638679791549,25.41922408801389,8.841846274778883,1.688501910828025,1206,35,252,22,22,403,166,314,0.147,0.754,0.099,-0.9579,0,0,0,1,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,3,18,12,0,0,10,1,30,4,1,5,5,53,53,32,0,2,8,3,4,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,20,17,0,1,11,1,1,6,6,5,1,1,31,8,34,7,33,21,7,44,1,2,2,0,16,13,0,2,24,178,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928865327935258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179526392824665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912841643642764,0.08931354563313919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883660585165234,0.1308632757013846,0.12189412224868025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931986877713258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000413539215201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361872408354318,0.10949755656920693,0.0,0.11745965518805218,0.08297885152774162,0.11152391937948594,0.0,0.0,0.09879864078783486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601173065765956,0.0,0.09289718542461817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10271263135661007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324103479457944,0.0,0.0,0.12766795621660731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619924378769998,0.0,0.0,0.05674589038969888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874808578705774,0.0,0.21981123656232407,0.0,0.11775966947633268,0.0,0.1265233344303522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27207111098092457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17225013935612507,0.08958340968997129,0.11218010843336992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369784997801918,0.0,0.08833865916322038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217600248631452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715504194087214,0.11676461557570827,0.0,0.0,0.11618320768326112,0.13220614922318485,0.07440980153389982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048693685939068,0.0923685537597693,0.0,0.0,0.0925579267434744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608194885982416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275895784447163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180765822142604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069369492713248,0.2656593557109921,0.1348611635940596,0.07716607840257597,0.0,0.0,0.09221153535922626,0.13545806856431328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843917457264816,0.0,0.0,0.1044343953190242,0.0,0.0,0.12967930917405696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455987582542797,0.0,0.2367371644379065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959587029680374 ptsd,AFarewellToSanity,2019/06/09,"I don't know who needs to here this, but read if you are looking for some help. I had very bad PTSD. My father physically abused, emotionally me, and mentally abused all my life and still continues to to a degree today. I'm now 19 and I'm doing much better, although I'm not cured. My PTSD attacks were mainly about being hit and screamed at when I was young. I got into some drugs when I was 14 and I don't regret it. It led me to something that I credit for helping me. I discovered psychedelics. Not just LSD or mushrooms, although they are really beautiful, but traditional entheogens as well. Psychedelics are not for everyone and should never be taken lightly. Never do more than your comfortable with. Now on to what someone might need to hear: I credit experiencing ego death with the lessening of my PTSD symptoms. I no longer has flashbacks. I still had fits of rage and sadness, but the visual aspect was gone. Ever since, I've slowly been returning to normal. Even current research points towards psychedelics as an aid for PTSD treatment (MDMA). The use of MDMA is smart as it is not very visual and the visuals are usually what scare most people. If you have questions regarding my experience with psychedelics in the treatment of my PTSD, please shoot me a message! I'll happily talk with you. Be warned: I won't encourage their usage, but I will inform and put you on the right track to being ready. Peace be with all of you! :)",4.275433184143225,6.405674871323535,4.726585677749362,82.23887468030692,72.34558823529412,7.524552429667518,27.634910485933503,8.321376580360154,2.0158143861892586,1143,43,207,19,23,362,162,272,0.155,0.6709999999999999,0.17300000000000001,0.7072,1,0,2,1,2,1,37.0,0,6,2,1,12,14,2,1,9,0,28,3,0,2,5,46,41,23,1,7,12,1,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,8,15,0,0,3,1,2,3,10,7,1,0,10,5,31,7,33,21,8,27,0,2,1,0,18,9,0,8,15,153,39,4,0.0,0.261104367421552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535228173247429,0.0,0.0,0.0920005605680468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745040716456432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778057414637092,0.0,0.0,0.12394422138409855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277669755919898,0.09966938605788002,0.0,0.10528727673372916,0.0,0.10778287886574046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812566911266803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12418743170030247,0.0,0.14771047040817115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060555247257543965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782750606721663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252834114405273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104139460115267,0.11688974673371272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099925877722905,0.16340278466053673,0.1699642004058152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795871284618526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638897666668971,0.0,0.0,0.12095094656084115,0.10416121887781664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6440066590509829,0.11076718664035937,0.12343334008105343,0.0,0.11021564184042708,0.0,0.0705878603182956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409809164371624,0.0,0.0,0.11031523188800632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114685223474256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336009110157256,0.0848264305010424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175989082745053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145252605257699,0.0,0.08856319155962022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444327745381034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516517423790156,0.12135411819079278,0.1818296887721572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907028855394112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BornForIt512,2019/06/09,"Never felt this way before, cant tell if its PTSD- if so, how severe is it and how do I fix it? The sensation is as follows: There is a deep sense of violation, which is then countered with a state of deep grief as well as sense of guilt and a feeling of absolute stupidity. Context leading up to the trigger: Came from an abusive upbringing. Dealt with a father who had tendencies to stalk, harass and infringe boundaries of mother. Mother told us hes bad news, and he probably was. I was too young to know, but do recall going on night drives with him where he would ask which house is where we lived when we weren't with him. Ended up cutting contact with father with no true understanding of why. Father would show up to certain events and I would just freak out. Eventually talked to father years later, realized how little I was aware of growing up. Was given no choice but to cut contact with father still for reasons unknown. Current issue: Fell in love with best friend 2 years ago. We were together for a year and a half, happily in ""love"". Was wild about them. They left me, but kept giving me mixed signals as to how they felt. I eventually end up cutting contact entirely, and they ""cope"" with me leaving by calling my phone for months despite being blocked. They came home from school, leave a note in my car. I dont respond. I still need time. Was sitting at my desk, got a call from the secretary that someone was there to see me. Its them. I freak out. We talk, and I quickly have urges to go back to that relationship despite abuses. Time passes, and we circle back to the sensation I have as mentioned above. I now struggle on a daily basis to not want to see them, but also struggle with severely uncomfortable anxiety levels and ever changing emotions. I get frustrated very quickly, I struggle to see a way out of the panic and feel even more confused after their actions. All this to say the ex mentioned in that conversation we had at the office that she could never love me enough and tried her hardest to treat me well. She cried about wanting to be in my life, and then told me she wanted to show me all the stuff she had done at school. She asked me if I was moved on, and then stated there is someone else in her life she would likely end up being involved with, so despite the fact that she loves me she is not interested in being with me. All of this is confusing, because I was strictly no contact for months and did not prompt nor give indication to wanting to continue a relationship. I'm confused and feel empty / stuck. Help would be greatly appreciated. Dont know where senses of violation are coming from anymore and dont understand how to handle panic of wanting to see them again.",5.174310344827589,6.320150626436785,5.6627011494252875,80.28991379310347,68.59770114942529,8.098850574712644,30.208812260536398,8.344100000000001,2.205683524904216,2145,82,398,30,36,690,255,522,0.158,0.73,0.11199999999999999,-0.9381,1,0,0,0,1,0,61.0,7,0,9,2,31,35,8,9,21,0,45,6,0,8,9,97,86,42,1,15,11,8,5,1,1,5,2,1,1,0,16,41,0,2,11,2,0,14,14,21,2,1,26,10,59,14,84,49,6,82,0,1,4,4,70,30,0,6,34,296,75,4,0.0,0.16699114984215974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062467514005322286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056354933607768734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390945284063463,0.0,0.06988742824328018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176010846125122,0.0,0.0,0.10837435273029808,0.05883961094598405,0.04295793420030925,0.0,0.0599648861172187,0.0,0.073954048664635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391575358385267,0.16119809939053925,0.0,0.0,0.07454804838433911,0.060703772949755624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056264660711494816,0.0,0.0774081234351643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721154047147191,0.24777138546119346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588687470186901,0.07926940575377525,0.1872468426765161,0.07281447711303478,0.0,0.04654485302999418,0.06374426267254267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689543797099504,0.0,0.13532474263582686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054445043868147566,0.0,0.03681773183422686,0.13520273066765864,0.08009959219417881,0.0,0.056361396636368286,0.07769356173923776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047234639429380165,0.0,0.07068728129002097,0.0,0.0,0.08131306290201842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355250192433171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774570756389338,0.0,0.0,0.1492353748635947,0.07656599714853557,0.0,0.09955026685960684,0.03442814355589875,0.07062957854822978,0.06222641156394754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25440815707541803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249716311203094,0.07489859059677381,0.0,0.05225270486153796,0.10870180969415533,0.0,0.0,0.06613143865902565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536301641105766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597871381277689,0.0,0.08237580517165607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724550254182872,0.0,0.1513170833669435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604067196854435,0.0,0.14263905770767066,0.22462226372883995,0.0,0.0,0.15922236575066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941821667999825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125550659205006,0.0,0.0,0.2210120264770464,0.08067143344622213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328243444013494,0.06159399546171523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218339334020801,0.0,0.0,0.13467444898866027,0.0,0.047844589184009516,0.0,0.0,0.1467237710493564,0.08476688377593718,0.0,0.0,0.05814523346229994,0.20782552810368626,0.11187181043063676,0.0,0.0,0.12672221123063165,0.0,0.06358832700468313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502997750349324,0.0,0.0,0.13614135039326766 ptsd,rainy_rainstorm,2019/06/09,"Question... Has anyone gotten ptsd from a very unstable home when they was younger? For example the father was abusive towards the mother and brother but she was never the victim.",4.323709677419355,7.694338709677421,4.561532258064517,76.16229838709678,81.25806451612901,5.680645161290323,30.330645161290327,7.1686216300943375,2.5937032258064523,144,7,19,2,4,45,27,31,0.133,0.8009999999999999,0.066,-0.3128,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,5,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,2,0,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,17,2,0,0.0,0.4545006151218588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26822047045972425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3847798264515607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295854237889556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484052497041225,0.0,0.4297172777873169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31650832274642443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jadesucculent,2019/06/09,"I’m hanging out with people I really like doing normal adult things But I still feel like an outsider no matter what I do. And it’s an awful feeling. I have been in therapy for five years. I’m on the meds. I do the homework. I know the why and how of my condition but the work is constant. I’m always dealing with old traumas and becoming aware of new ones as I progress I’m just feeling like I don’t get the joke, read the room, etc. because of my trauma and physical chronic illnesses. I feel so alone when alcohol is involved because my guard is up. I hate not being able to just be myself and knowing now that it was due to something I had no control over. I know I have control now but I can’t get out of this hole. I know I’m on my way down a rabbit hole with depression and body abuse/neglect. And tbh I have not been in therapy and I can’t afford it so I’m working hard to keep my head above water until I can get intensive therapy after grad school. Yoga, eating well, mindfulness until I can deal with the bulk of trauma. I just need to keep going.",1.4227413127413122,3.3306543243243247,3.5751994851994886,88.25905405405408,80.08108108108108,6.390733590733591,24.08494208494209,7.447530270364453,1.1429482625482632,828,30,173,12,21,283,124,222,0.16399999999999998,0.745,0.091,-0.9672,1,1,2,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,5,11,10,1,0,10,1,20,7,2,3,0,40,42,18,0,2,8,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,2,1,7,14,3,5,8,3,0,2,7,5,1,2,4,5,26,5,27,36,1,25,0,1,0,0,4,10,0,0,15,119,33,6,0.11900106278753445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717594558571813,0.0,0.1232492122051246,0.0,0.0,0.09901841721560917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508388669469902,0.13142732441016036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218335388769192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12859787297125866,0.2669396215639495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453697408296318,0.10249544100493796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176779587954135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327176415184124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406820517089705,0.17002876606590253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651943115624714,0.0,0.06763104636272395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660157806679874,0.11748891263656515,0.12212942222745575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21154722474823104,0.0,0.0,0.26159948784550496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744137249063837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218335388769192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015715002571127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823778019996534,0.0,0.11493196798275902,0.0,0.0,0.11659577521378063,0.0,0.0,0.12487159726209672,0.0,0.08063819991654496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250035330571101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903326616516872,0.0,0.07623512801805839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204354287045148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161283199975093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503440246206446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40826425902901387,0.0,0.07905901836052907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944575045972096,0.0,0.0,0.10699624689910207,0.0,0.10737994973448353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173268382010285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663278283207098 ptsd,realnyahours,2019/06/09,"am i the only one that feels completely numb? i don’t remember the last time i’ve cried. i don’t remember almost everything to be exact. between meds and my own brain repressing memories, i don’t remember anything and i’d give anything to feel normal again",3.163599999999999,5.70064816,5.065999999999999,76.55300000000003,77.4,9.6,30.0,9.888512548439397,3.745600000000002,208,10,36,7,5,71,35,50,0.17600000000000002,0.8240000000000001,0.0,-0.7959999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,5,2,1,0,1,11,8,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,5,0,3,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714443749177668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240269137421488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197804683412083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20642237596672314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21626075506385467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694085624026534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19909441974653966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18886289528367756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16048148834380566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186865863537149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19289820779120792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340932992546534,0.14973425606546215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6690716896715095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480088851623912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tmp6284617,2019/09/14,"Think I got ptsd from my dentist denying my pain. So, I just realized this in the last couple of days, so it's not very thought out and I don't have a diagnosis. It all started when I was 15. My lower jaw needed adjusting so I was to get braces. Before this my life was pretty good. So anyways, they put them in and I felt pain pretty much instantly. This was expected as I'd heard from other people and them that it would hurt the first couple of days and then go away, so a week passed, and then another, and the pain level didn't go down a bit. Then I'm the dentist and telling them about my pain. They did some adjusting and put in the final piece of the braces and said it would go away. It never did, in fact it got worse with the final piece. At this point I'm feeling the worst pain I'd ever felt every day 24/7. I'm also barely talking. All this time hoping that the pain would start to go away because I'd need to use braces sometime in my life, and it would take longer later. So this is where my problems start to surface. First of all, sleep. I'm barely getting any of it. Think 3-4 hours a night every day of the week. School starts getting really hard and I start to have trouble to keep the focus even needed to have a conversation. I start to get late to school every day only and only managing about 50% attendance. My grades go waaay down. A's and B's down to D in many cases. So three months in, I tell the dentist I can't stand it anymore. This is when they tell me that my pain is ""impossible' because they've ""barely adjusted anything"". I initially wanted to take the thing out but that response makes it harder for me say that I want it out so I go on like a wreck for another two months. This is when I start to think of suicide. Not actually planning it but thinking and saying I might commit it if this pain goes on. Up to this point I go absolutely no help managing the pain, no one knew how to help me, but here some adults help. I start going to a phycologist (still going today) and she helps me with thinking and expressing myself and really putting into words what I need to make my life more livable. She also helps me with how to deal with the dentist. So now I'm taking out the braces, and saying goodbye to that dentist and the pain... I thought, because the pain, of the pain, it doesn't go away. After what feels like countless more nights and even closed to suicide I finally get pain meds from another doctor, and those help take of at least the edge. My life gets a little better and after some melatonin I start going to school more again. But I'm still a wreck, and the pain is still there, always. Now going to school id harder than it was before this whole thing, I start to have trouble just talking to people, os it turned out I had Asperger's too, and I've been making away my traits to everyone (google it). This take enormous amounts of energy and I realise that I can't stop doing it, because then people wouldn't recognize me, so instead I get better at it, taking even more energy from me. This is when I get OCD. It gets so bad, that showering sometimes takes 3 hours, and my sleep starts to get worse again. Bad to suicidal thoughts. After my mom notices I start to do cbt and it gets a little better. Then one of my cats die very suddenly and I'm a wreck again. Then I start highschool and have this whole thing with a girl that I read wrongly (I thought she liked me, was just touchy). So fast forward to today. Here I am. In a new class (everyone switches year 2) found some nice people, but it's hard because I feel like I'm constantly hiding sooooo much and masking myself away. My other cat is sick, I'm listening to NF and my OCD is coming back. So anyways, that's the background, thought it was important for this, but I don't know. Now, the ptsd. Since the braces I have this thing where if I gasp my jaw locks into place and I feel the lost intense pain I've ever felt. I almost back out evrry time and somewhat loose control over my body. This also brings all of the worst things back, the endless nights of pain without any help or meds, being suicidal and only actually managing to sleep at 4-5 AM. This happened in class this week. The pain usually only lasts for a minute, but I also get a raised heartbeat, extreme sweating, and I feel like I'm in a shock-like state. The only thing that helps here is taking pain meds, even if the pain goes back to normal, that are the only thing that makes me calm. But I should really already quit so taking extra isn't good. Took me an hour to actually be able to get back to class. That would be the last three years of my life.",3.3354875579354726,4.623566488817897,4.220496482623112,88.35951041713541,73.14270500532481,7.036679716209933,23.98147564835231,7.470278962992933,0.9261084792032276,3619,101,761,41,71,1166,324,939,0.161,0.75,0.08900000000000001,-0.9978,2,0,0,0,0,2,116.0,0,0,6,9,59,42,0,0,50,0,49,38,7,8,9,137,151,78,5,20,18,1,10,5,0,8,31,6,1,2,68,50,0,3,25,1,0,21,14,29,0,7,28,16,82,13,104,112,25,150,0,2,0,0,34,47,0,12,87,498,150,14,0.02925395791803312,0.0,0.08564292898151353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029293613129444,0.0,0.032282470008295684,0.0935775183115488,0.024341636473511463,0.0,0.0,0.03978738909044845,0.09202597672991038,0.0,0.0,0.029012065481703687,0.0,0.0,0.02407351476778581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16491033867239854,0.1124724394995526,0.04885166584583818,0.08916470610706186,0.0,0.04978592706487035,0.0,0.0,0.07761824544247843,0.031937745337819005,0.032494552414199795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025199694423926968,0.0,0.031613135850445916,0.032810801319605835,0.0,0.06473789603426262,0.0,0.09433191368787773,0.030159546076510557,0.0,0.0,0.030360989714604124,0.0,0.0,0.029942665525442082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728785321685122,0.052923759515118456,0.07394316377640622,0.055906820883011375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395840053221818,0.06269710014558011,0.08426516170358878,0.096138842931117,0.0,0.049766803321375286,0.0,0.03207545490550687,0.0,0.0,0.1986918127946184,0.0,0.19950838131051604,0.04907366391402726,0.046794125093931035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025869178374237016,0.0,0.052411600463264464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686649076392128,0.0,0.0,0.029055780970094137,0.08642776736455866,0.0,0.031316966996003344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026002261935721596,0.0,0.0,0.01607721021465756,0.07153764053084549,0.032999738744258836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331467809912194,0.07146003082129933,0.058640302248735364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031934150793660736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810897628397273,0.02965892173862992,0.0,0.0,0.0974836572425994,0.0,0.0,0.031033826386397317,0.0,0.03426188194909596,0.04670046022227125,0.0,0.043010050146586584,0.08676575648266689,0.0225624557956871,0.028253654850186424,0.0,0.08235857336585004,0.028662667556290787,0.0,0.03330582498360828,0.0,0.0,0.03964647796728174,0.133493719382969,0.5914372018613943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112404401420012,0.0,0.03056415963679375,0.0,0.05530889189474796,0.0,0.0,0.05952358438070711,0.0,0.02799208689424313,0.06839262264534522,0.08822492311505231,0.0,0.031115185186684945,0.0292618744545082,0.0,0.056222503598087926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027827213069005853,0.06979176451294362,0.0,0.11842626882929705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02419917629185684,0.0,0.08782525432974334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057865824805403664,0.0,0.26917932578782594,0.0,0.07008674574665764,0.0244576187249999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127996327411304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795802088939754,0.04702644650856802,0.0767077459222516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604520828544528,0.09372377505413423,0.0,0.11612187444054675,0.03411643623220578,0.0,0.05545866306155737,0.0,0.032502223639640435,0.0,0.031819905729334894,0.02857686611958013,0.0,0.0,0.025266026985739896,0.032219101678669385,0.0482751580093919,0.03450948464794047,0.0,0.07039728141091935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532199859283652,0.0,0.028199771503061175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962456470804025,0.10390586183957043,0.031984610620119015,0.0,0.03767717954105547 ptsd,hazelchicken,2019/09/14,"I don't want my partner to be near me when I need his help most. (semi vent?) I have PTSD to needles. I also have an anaphylactic allergy to most animals. I am terrified of my own Epi pen. Last time I had a major attack I fought tooth and nail while suffocating to not have an epi-pen used on me. Thankfully my regular doctor was there and he was brave enough to administer the drug into the oxygen that was being pumped into my throat - a less effective treatment that could have gotten him into trouble. My partner looks after my epi-pen at home and has warned me that if I have another attack he will use it on me. This is hard, just remembering its in the house somewhere gives me stress, but the worst thing is the thought of him being there when I'm suffering. The thing I am scared of is associating *him* with my fear. I don't want to loose trust of my partner. I've lost trust of being in the car with my mother if I don't know exactly where we are going, I've lost trust of entering buildings I'm not familiar with beforehand. I don't want to be unable to trust someone I've shared a life with for 5 years. I've told him that if I ever need a needle for any reason I don't want him in the room. I don't want him near me. I'd rather he run away and leave me alone with strangers than stay by my side to try and help. Does anyone else have similar problems to this? Is that the wrong thing to expect from him? I can't convince him to not use an epipen on me to save my life, he's not going to let me die if a dog touches me, but... I don't know what to do about that. It's hard to think about for long. I feel conflicted.",2.501919732441472,3.562969730434787,4.121231884057973,89.14933946488294,74.8840579710145,7.510590858416946,22.83444816053512,8.012643519586192,0.9011806020066891,1267,33,290,19,26,425,166,345,0.179,0.715,0.106,-0.9585,0,1,1,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,0,3,11,22,3,3,17,0,35,6,2,5,2,53,62,15,1,15,12,1,4,0,3,1,4,0,2,3,15,14,0,1,8,0,0,5,12,13,0,0,10,5,49,9,49,44,7,31,0,3,1,0,24,16,0,6,9,196,64,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178120674258566,0.0,0.09096689376049928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735480191617336,0.11927818275788855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953757151319786,0.11655167529917453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588171084500745,0.10687311460199052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082117723775507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805591666310104,0.0,0.0,0.11642930152050845,0.09954455134343893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319154237145663,0.0,0.09502463605288797,0.0,0.0,0.11753552670062299,0.0,0.0,0.1028945861374449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280018657349439,0.057516087926263726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912063637919753,0.12929499915838286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037976888972961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15249023117278895,0.0,0.11410185401125975,0.0,0.0,0.1312537568730101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502950708249125,0.09272251232225126,0.0,0.12044622911820332,0.0,0.11631843702690875,0.1606918501985216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066634336198878,0.095522464264732,0.0,0.2483460177182483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869033277267462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884465587837767,0.13296921205941445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695530768456107,0.0,0.0,0.12885807709096353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388492072361132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638112880590956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124377769478048,0.0,0.0,0.13030175882747133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472693738133076,0.0,0.0,0.2267139781683427,0.07288725618730295,0.0,0.09030584615706436,0.06632931255752055,0.0,0.0,0.10869426604839794,0.0,0.07722968305860177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29473386779628546,0.0,0.0,0.3354673943422324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243692172542782,0.0,0.07325212402183276 ptsd,shutterlove18,2019/09/14,"“Unbelievable”-Netflix TW: sexual assault, rape kit I was really looking forward to watching the new show “Unbelievable” on Netflix. The first episodes begins by her reporting and remembering her assault to a police officer. It switches between her talking and actual clips of it. She then has to wait and tell a second cop. She talks less and it switches to her remembering for long. She then goes to the hospital and does a rape kit. And then tells the nurse what happened again. This time, it flashes back and shows the entire thing. The flashbacks are very graphic and real (IMO). How they handle the rape kit is so detailed and even more graphic. I didn’t even have a rape kit done and now it feels like I did. And watching the assault was honestly shocking. I normally don’t get triggered, but I’m trying real hard rn to not have a panic attack. I wish I had known. Please take care of yourselves 💕",3.7781730769230784,6.274326088757397,4.518724112426039,81.47855954142015,75.09467455621302,7.0652366863905325,29.49741124260355,8.07648339933343,2.302233431952663,715,32,125,12,16,229,105,169,0.122,0.752,0.126,0.4184,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,7,13,8,1,13,0,12,4,0,2,0,24,22,17,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,11,0,1,4,3,0,1,3,10,0,2,6,5,14,3,12,16,2,13,0,0,3,4,12,2,0,0,13,86,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.1600839716028809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186624537995934,0.0,0.12614025483532632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16725451315588505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435566297431639,0.1678746917345919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166999654277013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829459335269797,0.11719357241336904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139536345108857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08570658941023987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450641938161104,0.0,0.14695183700513995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014395827499438,0.0,0.0,0.14517440469199253,0.1377562392872301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843540153879415,0.0,0.0,0.16072898418039305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19247111982609846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18007182805225458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734375840885217,0.10509124076527022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716613518813709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233412050532946,0.26370584531574104,0.286764611298835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898401497042418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565578864368628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137558878310558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353540645293944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864331873389772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JarlUlfricOfWindhelm,2019/09/14,"How do I deal with others' reactions when I tell them about my trauma? (TW: SA) Trigger warning for sexual assault/rape. &#x200B; I've had difficulty in the past sharing with friends/partners about my history of repeated sexual assault. This is partially due to the feelings of shame surrounding the abuse, but it's partially due to negative reactions of the first people I told. After my first assault as a teenager, my friends didn't believe me, and one even said that I was making a false accusation to make myself look less promiscuous. The first boyfriends I told became incredibly angry to the point that I ended up having to comfort them instead of the other way around. For years I didn't tell anyone else other than fellow survivors, but recently I got up the nerve to tell a man I've been dating and sleeping with for a while. He told me he was sorry that happened, commended me for getting help, asked how recent my assaults were, and said that he was having trouble figuring out what else to say or do. He made a couple of lighthearted jokes to fill the silence, then we moved on. This was probably one of the better reactions I've gotten, but it still felt like it wasn't enough. I realized that I might be expecting too much of others who haven't been through similar situations. All I want to hear is, ""I'm sorry that happened to you, you didn't deserve it, I believe you, and I'm here for you whenever you need to talk about it."" How do I get over my expectations that someone will have the perfect, scripted response to my story? How can I be less hard on those who have no experience with something like this?",9.347460829493087,7.4635341516129055,9.147004608294932,68.921935483871,60.70967741935484,12.341013824884794,40.52995391705068,11.062562989136584,4.460737327188942,1297,57,231,27,14,423,168,310,0.139,0.742,0.11800000000000001,-0.4498,0,0,1,0,1,0,39.0,1,5,2,5,14,14,3,1,16,0,27,1,1,8,2,34,50,16,0,4,4,0,3,2,2,2,0,4,0,1,23,11,0,0,4,1,0,2,7,6,0,5,21,8,33,8,43,25,5,30,0,0,1,0,32,10,0,2,19,174,56,0,0.0,0.12771719765548228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679377937567033,0.13098041567205834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537144219654437,0.11044676987987344,0.0,0.09595871292536574,0.10077199798527817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428918230076869,0.0,0.09533423769468947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927101546552467,0.0,0.0,0.11112995345480156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009460754832027,0.0,0.0954726923715648,0.11137908774705853,0.0,0.07119632627113427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054423361808266,0.0,0.0,0.054503430442132905,0.0,0.10349828071268063,0.0,0.0,0.27506626870320183,0.0,0.0,0.08328068206778777,0.0,0.11263489204890376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621198957130298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064216559160735,0.0,0.0965614453413572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149065844760015,0.0,0.07225144309611227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053245281464593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051905604895248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199643803817747,0.14390546324569198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143514452470748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456700679535235,0.07924033171376993,0.07992721819261069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460867892366037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290071148790107,0.07473016348200953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189932179859808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621919387713395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21286536500978231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20507184592834293,0.08572140003009461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116396133599515,0.10787094740595772,0.0,0.09133274426698976,0.08298439507309767,0.0,0.2413311017573493,0.0,0.0,0.08608370931562473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664001106621644,0.2826477630776348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090027807500981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357916350839399,0.08556114583528092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098041567205834,0.06941522259790815 ptsd,fosforuss,2019/09/14,"My first psychiatrist told me I wouldn't live past 18. I am almost 21 now. Today I logged onto my insurance's website to see what my options were for a psychiatrist due to PTSD flare ups and flashbacks over the last year. The first one to pop up was the same guy I saw at the age of twelve when my mom had cancer and I had found out I was sexually abused. He put me on a cocktail of medications, switching me between about eight different SSRI's within four months. I tried to kill myself twice in that time, ran away three times and was baker acted. He told my therapist and mom I wouldn't make it past 18. My therapist disagreed and referred me to a new psychiatrist, who got me off all of my medications and weaned me to the smallest dose of Klonopin instead of the 6mg/day he had me on. I turn 21 soon and I want nothing more than to schedule an appointment just to show my face - grown up, alive, living on my own, two jobs and going to school. I am by no means past my PTSD or anxiety but I am definitely still alive and no longer suicidal. Fuck him, and fuck anyone who puts us down.",4.137300150829564,4.91224375565611,5.1062262443438895,84.69514630467573,70.71945701357468,8.427269984917045,26.950527903469077,8.648137234880735,1.6910377677224735,854,27,183,14,15,280,137,221,0.135,0.821,0.043,-0.968,2,0,0,0,1,1,20.0,1,0,0,2,7,3,3,0,10,0,12,7,1,1,1,25,26,13,2,3,3,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,5,11,1,0,3,2,0,6,4,3,0,8,13,2,32,0,34,11,4,40,0,0,2,2,12,15,2,3,19,125,37,2,0.0,0.13890012659229609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739038693552245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968175656210838,0.0,0.0,0.0819709722318242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11014282863683716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560460226777395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248193864880184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19943406341255165,0.0,0.12853826005866353,0.0,0.21675721692651734,0.0,0.0,0.06662534814736522,0.0,0.09376071887773424,0.0,0.0,0.11607759014445017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633414860968648,0.0,0.12969925644545569,0.0,0.0,0.09555929780394487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070350782490269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825291906289968,0.0,0.0,0.12769944252642645,0.0,0.23619675290583994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27460017044472423,0.09357304391463184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11322288788856676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248676083855784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07943908060511425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357321202112972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740746387410435,0.23570002139073296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186445101511557,0.09341830658952384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362120639170972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282322048729807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27222955333834803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367172302188361,0.0,0.11112172962336372,0.22403939407512136,0.0,0.07959247541796999,0.12751417960333286,0.11451811547993247,0.0,0.14101502862206827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914616059593083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549322552700076 ptsd,Nanthroway12345,2019/09/14,"Unbelievable on Netflix (TW SA; NSFW) Trigger warning: mention of sexual assault, abuse of victim by legal system. * * So I am soo so happy they are covering the “Unbelievable” case on Netflix. People should know this story. It should absolutely be advertised far and wide and get tons of attention. ( *It is a really awful and important case of sexual assault where a girl was falsely accused of lying but they literally found video evidence that proved she told the truth; based on [this article ](https://www.propublica.org/article/false-rape-accusations-an-unbelievable-story)*) OTOH, Im upset by the frequent intrusive trailers that you cant turn off, I dont want to think about it every time I go onto Netflix. ( *It isnt something that happened to me but stuff like it did and it happened to family which was a big part of my life so it gets me upset* ). Anyone else have thoughts about it? Anyone see it and have some thoughts? Im waiting til Im in a better headspace but Ive read the article several times, it is an important piece of journalism.",3.6106354515050185,6.8611827391304345,4.741739130434787,73.6714882943144,85.73913043478261,7.178595317725753,26.09866220735785,8.139509932561175,2.532772408026755,840,35,132,20,26,274,117,184,0.102,0.787,0.111,0.5759,0,0,1,0,1,0,44.0,0,1,2,1,6,9,3,2,9,1,16,1,0,1,2,22,31,12,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,17,5,0,1,7,5,0,1,3,5,0,0,7,1,11,4,21,21,4,16,0,0,1,0,7,10,0,1,5,89,28,2,0.0,0.18527859342478145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21868182282299747,0.16022448462151231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383008223602191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18327012672048934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063109817031165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175253189370215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741626514295902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145692094897508,0.0,0.0,0.16339878068470282,0.0,0.08887141498015637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765634772503253,0.16646390575648334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5067349253192058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593951259538768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045216130461637,0.07639683921324719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693386935696237,0.0,0.10841061212210487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641713920958542,0.0,0.10017771515498013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461048718721582,0.0,0.0,0.17665903849355066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038497772887766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790117587980505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10019867177464296,0.0,0.24828828280133175,0.18236683243802684,0.0,0.0,0.14942284368040698,0.0,0.0,0.17009090213407213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223392152508428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CLAFox,2019/09/14,"Not having flashbacks, just general unease I have C-PTSD, and was in the process of getting diagnosed when I had another traumatic thing happen to me. I won’t get into details but it occurred at my house. It was a few months ago and I had flashbacks for a while and nightmares, not about the event specifically but I i knew it was related. Lately I’ve just been having this feeling of general unease, especially when I’m home alone. I feel like someone is watching me. My skin crawls. I feel hot all over like I have a fever but I don’t. I find it very difficult to walk past that spot in my house at night alone. This isn’t something I’ve experienced before. Most of my past trauma I was either too young to remember or it was a culmination of many events, not one (the C part) for me to stress over. I hate feeling this way. I feel like I can’t ever relax, I’m struggling to sleep at night because of it. There’s not specific memory occurring, or flashbacks, like I said yet general uneasy, anxious feeling. It doesn’t happen when my family is home or when I’m with friends or out of the house. Has anyone else gone through this? Is there anything I can do to make it better or is it just another thing I have to accept as my life?",2.312320586694604,4.348064188755021,3.939001222280425,86.10435306443165,77.79518072289156,7.222001047668938,25.283918281822945,8.18289091462,1.6219892090099532,969,36,197,18,23,323,128,249,0.147,0.7240000000000001,0.129,-0.6991,0,2,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,13,15,1,4,8,0,25,5,2,1,2,39,43,17,0,0,16,0,8,4,1,1,3,1,2,0,16,6,0,0,10,1,0,2,9,7,0,1,11,11,27,8,28,31,5,29,0,0,1,0,2,9,0,6,21,138,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910236741926473,0.0,0.0,0.2315784574357905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344603415622073,0.0,0.1263001549144572,0.0,0.07817190769021642,0.11455047758297884,0.09200040079373684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815115098591765,0.0,0.09513204216413436,0.0,0.0,0.09887643133261018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134728295554034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933930586074052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112788128092012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539340235991457,0.0,0.33917120403870044,0.1597373267575961,0.0,0.0,0.10218153830983807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637501952005698,0.0,0.11681990057964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19772557531310375,0.0,0.0,0.11037758646644244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22428543968231932,0.0,0.0,0.3870003711856552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261132501774546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896638180739868,0.2184758325390808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462617313083486,0.11334583725660913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923626439979315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20983009285091572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575736028232362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12106656649575318,0.21344808286177636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068612446917094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266455778804127,0.0,0.10634569899809937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187894907311896,0.0,0.09472626031641207,0.08606772382657232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806447153398134,0.11687576281723208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485475257062772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092245231493746,0.0,0.08874021511573754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OopsieDoopsieItsMe,2019/09/14,"I Feel Invalid Being Diagnosed With PSTD It feels very strange to be included in the ""PTSD community"" because my experience is strange and doesn't quite fit into the ""normal"" guidelines of PTSD. People don't really think I have it because of what happened. Here's the short story: My older sister was/is explosive. When we were kids she chased me and my brother around trying to beat us up. My brother and I were forced to hide in our rooms or in the bathroom with the door locked. As she got older her attitude did not change. For a while, the attempts at hurting people went away but they came back when she was in high school. On multiple occasions she hit, bit, and scratched my mom. To the rest of us, she was not physically abusive but was very verbally and mentally abusive (my dad is the same and now does not live with us). Anyway, this is considered a ""repeated long term trauma"" which I don't see often in other people with PTSD (not talked about much). My symptoms showed up only after my sister left to college (when the physical abuse was over). I began having very vivid sensational flashbacks and derealization alongside extreme general anxiety in social situations relating to the trauma. I'm not looking for validation but I want to talk about how awful it feels sometimes to know other people don't think I went through trauma just because it was my whole life, not one specific moment. People not believing my struggle is really difficult. Thanks for listening",5.905627306273061,7.6830267490774915,6.327710332103318,73.83008948339484,67.4870848708487,9.405239852398523,32.00018450184502,9.766711354998122,3.3584566789667885,1183,50,195,27,20,382,161,271,0.126,0.815,0.059000000000000004,-0.9463,1,0,0,0,1,0,34.0,5,0,1,3,13,7,0,1,12,1,20,3,0,1,0,39,39,17,0,2,12,6,4,0,0,0,3,1,2,1,9,15,0,0,6,1,0,3,11,6,0,1,13,8,30,1,37,23,6,36,0,1,3,0,23,19,0,2,14,142,39,2,0.0,0.3459836233217662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446218095081225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665015048004414,0.0,0.0,0.09145087641889138,0.07484578527708546,0.0,0.17800634032509266,0.0,0.0,0.10966494012043412,0.0,0.0,0.10626628356354567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132706244699522,0.0,0.0,0.10296914503536664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879453158301094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517985554164123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521380621416044,0.0,0.0,0.147648826422755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784891691229325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607437424261029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284139074669356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420077121745737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053493612699029774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575642737847003,0.0,0.06875167149734354,0.0,0.0,0.0859499414971215,0.08613976827215493,0.0817381724789676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809233097655616,0.0,0.0,0.1139993704662682,0.0,0.0,0.0715535510821943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536913536027457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659577535202229,0.0740288191284478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374044791613041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.341343593050007,0.0,0.0,0.10352938371842801,0.0,0.0,0.1247125503446674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985097674528437,0.07756461420969345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941034078570842,0.0,0.09922233701865342,0.0,0.0,0.09626831954427192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175727780981997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116992677389812,0.0,0.15647083558361993,0.0,0.08961440156260474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247386395151053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608511623868024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3512515916467981,0.0,0.0,0.2409384996892522,0.05741160877889789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046388162550026,0.0,0.10867276246304257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thesmellofass,2019/09/14,"Does this sound like a flashback? So my “trauma” i guess is from abuse as a child, especially physical abuse. Whenever i think about it, or something “triggers” it i immediately cover my face and curl into a ball (like a reflex response) as if i’m literally about to be hit. I’m literally thinking in my head “i’m getting hit/being attacked” or “why are you hurting me” even though logically i know i’m in my room and of course my anxiety is up. If it’s intense i might cry/scream/hyperventilate but most of the time i just pull a face and feel like i am about to cry. I also feel physical sensations where he hit me (i think, i don’t remember the actual abuse that well). Sometimes i hit myself in the head during these “episodes” because i feel like i’m acting really crazy and out of control. I don’t feel like it affects my day to day life, though (mostly because i avoid men like the plague and i’m always in my room actually lmao). Does this sound like a flashback? it’s hard for me to understand what’s really happening with my body so i need objectivity to understand whether or not i’m just overreacting from a bad memory or i may still have PTS(d?) from what happened years ago. Thanks.",2.617502876869964,4.748815953586497,4.593642117376295,81.31587169159955,77.22784810126579,8.022171077867283,25.962600690448788,8.841846274778883,2.11240253164557,939,36,187,22,22,321,127,237,0.149,0.754,0.096,-0.9121,0,1,1,0,4,0,27.0,0,1,0,1,14,14,1,1,11,0,10,6,5,3,0,41,36,20,0,3,11,0,5,7,0,2,1,2,2,2,11,8,0,2,12,1,0,2,3,5,1,0,0,7,29,9,25,30,2,18,0,1,0,0,4,10,0,11,13,113,40,0,0.0,0.3847108991613382,0.2112372180114488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594094658739316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655291892580147,0.09005751493425346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279701886484947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12312927966557137,0.0,0.0,0.09036901917548183,0.1319541824656403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022111342054427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139114940200092,0.0,0.0,0.11888753305103004,0.13960109436302404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942872787583828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148607287442664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189009688873365,0.23196242532170386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056546640275705023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922951273673718,0.0,0.1914180191056512,0.0,0.0969544199829154,0.0,0.22215407144332786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158643637623613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948135823091556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644731015487928,0.3701360802036581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481681957995447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802524967736111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867210511053776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260551326236285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833221154002271,0.10704400230581068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643404287466291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964528572756294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20805167181304213,0.2126743574090087,0.0,0.06311082389281436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22534620923361626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973133723400496,0.0,0.09766235109369337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969772067074316 ptsd,sleepylokita,2019/09/14,"Ptsd and relationship advice please please help I’ve had ptsd I think my whole life bc of how my parents treated me and then when I got older I was in an abusive relationship. I have been abused sexually physically and mentally. Being “crazy” is part of my identity I guess. I don’t know how to act normal. I was doing well for the last 2 years. And then this guy started working at my work who is attractive and also very unstable.. I am ashamed to say he reminds me of my ex. Sweet and needy uk? The fact that I was attracted to someone and wanted so badly to help him made me feel unbearably guilty. I am very honest and respectful with my husband bc I love him and to me he’s absolutely perfect and here I am and ugly mess. I told him. That I thought this man was attractive in retrospect I was doing exactly what I do with my ex I was obsessing that they need help and I’m the only one who can help and it’s my responsibility ( I have survivors guilt my ex was also abused but is a drug addict on the streets I could’ve easily been that ) this overwhelming feeling made me leave my husband I told him and everyone all kinds of reasons why I don’t wanna be with him and convinced everyone even myself of why I wanna leave. I told the guy I found him attractive and I would really appreciate it if he never ever talked to me again not and I felt amazing until my dumb ass went to work and was like oh yea he’s here. -_- I haven’t been able to think clearly I don’t think my medicine is working I’m mad suicidal I wanna be with my husband but how on earth can I forgive myself for this? I pushed him so hard away from me I been trying to make friends with other people hoping he’ll do the same so he can find someone actually worth his love. I am insanely broken and unstable right now I don’t see light.... :/ help me. Please.",1.0815788133435191,3.4212296203208545,3.2480977845683765,87.63570409982175,84.34759358288771,6.5565571683218735,22.541125541125545,7.793537801064563,1.2169243188184362,1434,51,299,28,42,487,181,374,0.152,0.662,0.18600000000000005,0.8988,1,0,1,0,2,0,28.0,0,0,1,5,17,27,2,4,8,1,39,6,1,7,7,63,67,34,1,9,4,7,4,1,1,2,3,1,0,3,14,24,0,0,12,0,1,3,7,8,1,1,23,8,66,19,32,39,4,23,0,1,1,3,43,8,2,3,13,206,80,4,0.08639323705359017,0.30708557634551026,0.08430733699003412,0.09418138050915216,0.0,0.08442247137101752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381772809174784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116929010330573,0.0,0.07213474429182527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897796990561164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018872694469687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706191827987225,0.07814762902113727,0.0,0.1651048806110865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873660329612437,0.0,0.08295105584020426,0.0,0.07896185352152668,0.0,0.0,0.0947257252169969,0.06674720063991328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909656384415737,0.0,0.095171890674198,0.17108577481686973,0.0,0.0,0.07739137103888509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28953782852871324,0.0,0.0,0.08580797785243109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996526184181138,0.04747946370631473,0.07042201895042342,0.0,0.18295592768216346,0.0,0.0,0.061022098282507674,0.04220737173342087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559465389160798,0.1634947396023784,0.05766815658775151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870640630438049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405949059050528,0.06663179038985237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464702929145967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854229330206138,0.06570594980761553,0.0,0.0,0.09592946579771199,0.09355545676954664,0.0,0.05989419264994871,0.0,0.0,0.2845014926479941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20197814181149668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553457198817961,0.08882663646440325,0.0,0.18550800965831787,0.0,0.0737793523991385,0.0,0.06870336967564393,0.0,0.0,0.06884422456160337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464014187977121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114957785008191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450017914684627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943961142601952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607189369376624,0.0,0.0685865800023267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476573209166297,0.0,0.0586553369583677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256693680187424,0.05095696958579622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767789552184473,0.08008739628548235,0.15591291766489335,0.09645496388997063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515812220540037,0.0,0.0,0.06137127685980581,0.0,0.0,0.05563441214897213 ptsd,lamborghini2408,2019/09/14,"Struggling with my body's reaction to a trigger because it's so out of proportion to the situation right now. Trigger warning: abortion, abandonment (not sure what else to put?) Context: 18 months ago I (28f) was with my (now ex) bf. I accidentally got pregnant. I went for a medical abortion but after a month it was clear out hadn't worked properly so I had to go back for another. This one didnt work properly either and I was told I needed surgery to complete the abortion. On the day I found out the second medical abortion hadn't worked my bf cut me off, just disappeared and I've never heard from him since. My hormones were everywhere, I was a complete mess and ended up driving 4 hours to my mum's house in the middle of the night to tell her what was going on and stay with her. I thought I was doing really well with everything, I was having counselling and working on my self esteem and the emotions I'd not been able to deal with due to the multiple hospital visits and my bf disappearing. About a week ago, after I'd been seeing a guy for a couple of weeks we decided we had to just be friends because he wasnt completely over his ex and I couldnt deal with the uncertainty of him not being ready for any sort of relationship. Logically this made sense and while it was a bit gutting i thought I'd be ok. But my body panicked, i was shaking and feeling sick and felt exactly like i did a year ago for the months during and after the procedures. I'm waking up in a panic and feeling so alone. I've got great friends, still going to counselling but the reaction to this is scaring me a lot. I'm not sure if this was meant to be a vent or request for support but wasnt sure who else would understand. This is really scary and has completely shocked me by how much it has affected me so long after the event. Noone spoke to me about it coming up again, I thought I was doing so well.",4.11941382327209,5.189748587926513,5.336955380577432,81.9326946631671,70.99475065616798,8.689063867016621,30.3840769903762,9.049649993220411,2.4930129483814527,1496,62,300,29,27,498,186,381,0.131,0.759,0.111,-0.7175,0,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,2,0,0,4,17,19,1,4,25,1,35,7,4,5,6,67,60,27,0,4,13,3,3,1,5,1,3,2,0,2,13,26,0,1,11,0,0,11,11,8,2,2,35,6,37,11,52,19,4,55,0,1,1,0,28,15,0,4,29,208,50,4,0.08874585923998231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360035487925095,0.0,0.0,0.09191394582183897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035022750837315,0.09305777130713366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682400878005763,0.0,0.10819730416681657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968874933140347,0.19715328658753267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644669963983976,0.372193379809968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819560527582036,0.0,0.05723373744803292,0.18298616811763854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827155555014412,0.09982714677888628,0.07860249012005646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797590559188585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974514589289821,0.0,0.08520994207956653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730525401309184,0.13712966141037636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513089508656321,0.0,0.14195634144548394,0.09784262311248587,0.0,0.08787235325169633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739679485937125,0.10240080631579628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043356744098155285,0.0,0.0,0.07853729275805721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544855594387417,0.0,0.08397347779797816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17880423329272513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125082944814086,0.0,0.06523841777082495,0.06580393013174758,0.06844627765455527,0.0,0.0,0.08328197708734633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060136490981901436,0.0,0.0,0.1041241444545574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921410030697953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370573979346585,0.0,0.0,0.09527984061306924,0.0,0.07578847889180818,0.0,0.0,0.08885008693954109,0.0,0.07071895984913662,0.0,0.09258128594002576,0.0,0.0,0.07341149183771832,0.09975406409148244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459127793752077,0.07087255782674964,0.0,0.0,0.09277644086948576,0.0,0.0,0.10070774937951957,0.2509257662087397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775677926078292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21136289768362126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480047162404983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238756925964617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237315042921025,0.0,0.15958637081195498,0.08226830062218096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25843216993915763,0.0,0.0,0.0630425121609907,0.0,0.0,0.05714942370326043 ptsd,caffeineandyoga,2019/09/14,"PTSD/Assault Survivor - Dreamt Husband Killed Me Hi all, I have PSTD and am a sexual assault survivor. Long story short my assailant went to jail this past November for 7 years. I have a life long protective order. I came forward a few years before trial and he violated his protective order and broke into another victims house out of retaliation. There were 2 of us. This left me looking over my shoulder constantly. The police were vigilant and monitored my home, but I still felt uneasy. I thought him going to jail would help me but I just look at it as a countdown. So now that you have some backstory I am doing what I can to heal. I do art as a career which is therapy in itself, yoga, I take anxiety meds morning and night, I try CBD occasionally. I have the option to get my medical card but have not pursued it yet. Overall I still feel uneasiness. I have nightmares, I still startle easily, small things trigger me. Anyway, the last two nights I have dreamt in detail my husband has killed me. I mean all the way up to the point that blood is drawn. I have no idea why or where it comes from but I wake up in shear terror/fear of him. Has anybody experienced this?",2.450400146842877,4.978965837004407,3.9533755506607946,83.56518814243759,80.05726872246696,6.955139500734216,25.31736417033774,8.07648339933343,1.8055963289280463,923,36,173,18,24,305,146,227,0.136,0.813,0.051,-0.9587,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,0,0,10,7,5,1,10,0,20,6,3,1,2,27,32,13,2,1,7,2,2,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,12,9,0,2,5,2,0,5,2,7,0,1,6,5,34,0,21,25,4,36,0,1,2,0,10,15,0,3,15,124,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532349683279566,0.1060208232554258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792971839946688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850981881709014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11938284741766962,0.0,0.1497663467714271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595206348408105,0.07007517073389008,0.0,0.13306794880196454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724074542363001,0.0,0.07876378129782874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09289382649236193,0.0,0.13901687665445905,0.0,0.0,0.15991403021241887,0.0,0.1564510232440491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306658176001287,0.0,0.0,0.11296919029310387,0.0,0.0,0.15057823115098726,0.0,0.09789007949082164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452952366054987,0.23276106681158398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096492915517862,0.1539420330861836,0.13961465047795454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26011429165946826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229965284128722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310121640927842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200406831145886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320339974253683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420228738304592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848952288084536,0.0,0.09207290980495393,0.0,0.0,0.11002482637271012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409338188984326,0.0,0.13538210385558186,0.0,0.1667064740814398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000613821840652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847413984854913,0.12505574483201087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845022277743827,0.0,0.0,0.17849458412508107 ptsd,lacrimators,2019/09/14,"Losing it My counselor told me to try and reach out to internet communities. PTSD has been floated around in my diagnoses, but so has just about everything else. I just know the days I can actually keep things together and appear functional are getting rarer and rarer. I’ve already been in the hospital after a suicide attempt (later, I tried again but decided to keep it to myself) and feel like the treatment supplied there, hurt more than helped. I spent what little money I’d managed to accumulate on ketamine treatment to great disappointment. Marijuana helped some, but I’ve never been able to have its use informed by a doctor, or had a consistent supply. I’ve been on countless different meds. I’ve been so damn patient, but it feels like there are no real solutions out there. TMS twice, four therapist, three psychiatrists, and all the help a desperate person can find. I don’t know what to do now... Except drink and take sleep meds... oooohhhh yeah.. gettin loopy. I hate it. I hate living. Sleep is holy.",4.280132132132131,7.001080151351353,4.938333333333336,77.96305555555558,74.51351351351352,8.003003003003004,28.11561561561561,8.841846274778883,2.6534984984985,808,33,135,18,18,259,121,185,0.18,0.73,0.09,-0.9715,1,0,1,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,0,2,11,9,3,0,8,1,16,5,2,1,2,32,30,13,1,0,8,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,9,1,2,7,1,2,1,3,6,0,3,8,2,11,3,20,22,3,15,0,3,0,0,6,8,1,3,8,91,19,2,0.13753875564668785,0.0,0.1342179853071428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177743697393806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243865243508845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870111909475108,0.0,0.0,0.13959894181332624,0.0,0.14369872601888165,0.0,0.14077674442047505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473561898261158,0.0,0.0,0.11489598175515753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361096502508295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13908745486435764,0.1965154290310732,0.0,0.0,0.1257079309364239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185832312259972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516369636549349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715820929291448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765679861523032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472380825639846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445015310857353,0.0,0.0,0.1511754063084324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134388977316151,0.1378499658855563,0.12144924106284005,0.0,0.0,0.1538706865174578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055491032610061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607836735005624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009353631357393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160775445162169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654921499157165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752761689822638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044507523411746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341202733697333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596930961044699,0.09137463778260346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142417511429572,0.0,0.18675957360613388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878932490061996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,navi__,2019/09/14,rexulti and trintellix has anyone here taken a combo of trintellix and rexulti for ptsd? i just got put on it a few days ago and can’t find much info online about side effects and effectiveness. everything i’ve found is for treating major depression but thats not what i’m being treated for so i thought i’d ask here. thanks!,4.325156249999999,6.050202453125002,5.811375000000003,76.19612500000002,71.34375,9.495,29.9875,9.888512548439397,3.2093787500000013,263,11,47,7,5,89,51,64,0.04,0.8909999999999999,0.07,0.4199,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,13,11,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,0,2,3,6,6,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,29,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26503236755674875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090574252773929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27951083095802515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928207395725605,0.0,0.25751554136442056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687086469557839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732670845720139,0.0,0.0,0.3278218735957298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23912580206199605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219788546476384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494977352896955,0.3005627374433088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752654307844293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23736087645018894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,smokestacklightnen,2019/09/14,"Costs of functioning Hey I'm new here. I've come from a domestic violence relationship that only ended 4 weeks ago. The trauma has been excruciating in body and mind. Week 1 was a prolonged panic attack, body was convinced it was going to die . Week 2 was less frequent panic, moving to dissociation. Week 3 and 4 has been dissociation city. I've had to work hard on my recovery plan to maintain my full time job and life. One day I neglected a step and disassociated on the road, ran a red light and almost got hit by another car. Today is Saturday, 3pm and I haven't been out of bed. Im exhausted from trying to function.",2.535,4.832036097560977,5.196117886178861,76.06539634146344,78.26829268292683,8.327642276422765,24.88414634146341,9.075114841892004,2.2829463414634152,492,18,94,13,12,175,87,123,0.247,0.732,0.021,-0.9825,1,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,1,7,1,2,6,0,12,4,2,0,0,11,18,6,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,8,0,1,0,0,1,6,1,6,0,1,10,3,4,1,14,7,2,24,0,1,1,0,2,6,0,1,12,48,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041223318843132,0.0,0.15861493436058113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660964364937679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802031118483625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35189385996732386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136447759424402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021550344888761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16439441489939602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402955747283962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900224924631148,0.0,0.1266871219920349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418954795790922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710994137073619,0.0,0.15718777173598206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188275623607123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993906222543447,0.0,0.0,0.16835436043545807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298391460643604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733608504728648,0.12047050121992102,0.0,0.3716970459089111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17006255117902025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923644391300627,0.0,0.15014488247598204,0.0,0.0,0.10754334825518214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5082363913624092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531724298601212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,xyz9808,2019/09/14,"PTSD/ anxiety is finally helping me with school Currently in a coffee shop cranking out homework and there's a large man with mild B.O (one of my triggers). I was going to leave about 30 minutes ago, but I'm too anxious he might follow me to my car. Guess I'm waiting until he leaves or the shop closes. On the brightside, I'm a week ahead on homework right now, 4 more hours until the shop closes!",3.723416666666669,5.058565175000002,4.802500000000002,84.37916666666669,72.25,6.833333333333335,28.333333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.5729583333333337,314,12,60,3,6,103,60,80,0.071,0.907,0.022000000000000002,-0.3903,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,12,10,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,6,0,1,0,3,3,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,0,13,8,1,19,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,3,9,35,5,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21733516437578804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18756020599010664,0.27698092027300136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685800953304183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934008991035102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700907867891401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433738861035455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145056555964814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192153912815913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26009470663064704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16613869858404598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286599514045723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20938034536366507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481328378992547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966666955404695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sparkleinthesun,2019/05/14,"Looking for support Hi, I was wondering if anyone knows if there are support groups or anything for people who have struggled with mental illness and lost a lot of friends over it. Not sure where to go. Thank you.",3.5875000000000017,6.229834750000002,3.3550000000000004,88.82000000000002,76.5,5.0,30.0,5.985473137389443,1.4222500000000005,170,8,30,1,4,51,37,40,0.18600000000000005,0.596,0.218,0.3895,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,2,7,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,11,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,2,5,6,9,1,3,0,1,1,0,5,2,0,5,0,22,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17669513855342786,0.0,0.20795224327440512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523696545992847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361639006519664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887842975908427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21220606484598306,0.0,0.2758541226182432,0.2148382335275135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546642152228313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519177298135055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641790345755245,0.0,0.0,0.5735265495425083,0.23816867747133436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326540823263616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740445775134608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thethrowaway_3000,2019/05/14,"Being home from uni making my PTSD come back in full force, need some validation I've never *really* accepted that I have PTSD, even though I was diagnosed when I was 9, 11 years ago. I guess it's also that I don't really remember much of my childhood, as is common in abused children, so since I can't *remember* getting diagnosed, or *remember* much of anything besides like...maybe 20 memories tops (LOL @ trying to quantify it literally at all, I'm being hyperbolic of course), it all seems rather surreal. I've come to grow into myself and my life more since moving out of the home that *caused* it in the first place. Now I'm back for the summer. And hooo boy is it an experience. Oddly enough, I think it took being AWAY from home and realising how *different* it could be to make me fully realise and accept that there's literally no way I *couldn't* have PTSD. Being away from my parents and physically separated from it all has been the best thing I've ever done for my life in regards to my mental health. I still experienced my PTSD in smaller ways at uni: loud noises in the house like doors or general banging and footsteps would set my heart rate up, emotions would spike (but I got really good at dealing with that! Which I'm proud of), stuff like that. But it all became background noise, and I got used to it in a very healthy and manageable way. At home: nightmares, near-constant paranoia about *everything* (my job, my school, my relationships with close friends - *everything* gets magnified), genuine anxiety at...pretty much everything (I stood outside a store I was giving my resume to for *half. an hour.* today bc my heart rate wouldn't calm down. I'm a very outgoing and confident person, generally speaking. I feel like a shell of myself when this happens), a general sense of dread, fear that I'm hated by those I love and seek approval from most (lol, @myself: sound familiar to a child-parent relationship? love that subtlety, PTSD). Like I said, seeing *just how different* I was when physically separated from all this made me realise, in some sort of almost empowering way, that *yeah I definitely do have PTSD.* Which is comforting on one hand, because it puts a name to the monster and thus makes it a little less scary. I can say *yes, this is not me, and I cannot trust it.* On the other hand, I'm realising how woefully equipped I am to deal with it *at home,* and it looks like this is gonna be a loooooong summer. Here's hoping otherwise, I guess.",2.8071949630916184,5.384587957446811,4.19379504993487,82.07928571428573,79.0,7.751628310898828,25.1237516283109,8.664204335059999,2.1045636126791147,1940,73,364,46,49,639,246,470,0.065,0.7909999999999999,0.145,0.9903,6,0,0,0,1,0,101.0,0,0,0,5,20,20,1,2,18,4,32,11,4,10,7,71,67,27,0,8,7,1,3,5,1,4,5,5,6,3,34,21,0,0,8,0,1,6,8,3,0,3,12,11,41,17,53,43,16,55,0,0,2,2,16,26,0,11,23,236,75,3,0.0,0.07855371163927752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587702412569142,0.0,0.06638907271570263,0.0,0.0,0.05301944693787184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050718707153967986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455859321206951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458056320234262,0.10195998604136663,0.0,0.040415377449400616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957692091886132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810754219156248,0.0,0.11422178193798845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052934517035066235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670312970259715,0.0,0.1345845864783931,0.0,0.13853710757051682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678471010237889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745776772875045,0.0,0.06850479733457153,0.0,0.0437899968551223,0.05997142283732083,0.0,0.0,0.17875634008395974,0.06485334021549345,0.0,0.07460503319098061,0.033522867999750135,0.047364162308869036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056394066343593535,0.0,0.0,0.05122259808677016,0.0,0.0692771920536337,0.06360023466961477,0.0,0.055608624098671317,0.10605105487674056,0.0,0.14607208866965926,0.0,0.058628164323521276,0.0,0.0,0.0654567348380794,0.0,0.0704729501750915,0.0,0.15712974436605887,0.0,0.0,0.3325175206152704,0.06585006592089589,0.06529135784498817,0.07650037623848943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0657917266735812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365817247074706,0.1943426436949728,0.06644921664082827,0.0,0.0,0.05567463080351882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196752344568678,0.06273390685800494,0.13276569409562405,0.0,0.06660645843612496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668140006822589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046555812674414,0.14621262324675635,0.04916001732960392,0.05113403088399181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04492605430850325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361741652273061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05788990487156874,0.06926855378525841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745012222097695,0.0,0.0,0.4650013070721824,0.06664900878040705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741889718890942,0.0,0.0,0.14236105978237232,0.22531221079708466,0.0,0.0630657223385214,0.052723785542519414,0.0,0.0670983307693698,0.052831879262449054,0.06035630239740429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096867680610817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294662741238675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589672298743355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04404624304756263,0.04248185083734104,0.06513862818051985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284389020978487,0.0,0.07366085156853687,0.04501280535900012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572612226215001,0.0,0.10940756817144406,0.0,0.21050087853011468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419410008281108,0.0,0.0,0.042694511619659516 ptsd,merisodd,2019/05/14,The loneliness is unbearable I feel so afraid to show even a small part of myself to the world. How does a person start to build self confidence from this low point?,5.998750000000001,6.604376375000001,5.400000000000002,84.845,66.5,10.15,25.375,10.125756701596842,2.0711374999999994,132,3,27,3,2,40,28,32,0.14300000000000002,0.76,0.096,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,5,3,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610187905386208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724804823310331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859392321748912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4467434105568464,0.0,0.0,0.36021626705500753,0.0,0.0,0.38998608224739817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4303718815900514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919997604217712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CherryBrandy313,2019/05/14,"Currently having an anxiety attack and weird mental stuff. Need some help Grounding myself so I can sleep. Since I have gotten home today from college my fight or flight response has been going like Crazy. I live with two men as it's a shared house and I'm the only women living here, my truma revolves around men so when an episode happens it tends to be in my own home and really bad. They walk past me and I'm spasuming with my head screaming they will attack me if I'm not covered up head to toe in clothing with 50 layers on to protect myself. I have managed to get myself to bed and my door is locked, but I still feel unsafe. I keep thinking that if one of them gets in I have no escape. These two guys are nice people and I know they most likely would never hurt a soul but I'm very distrusting which is only fuelled by my ptsd. I'm in pj shorts and feel that I'm too exposed , hearts Going 100 miles and hour. For the past few nights I have been waking up from nightmares shouting. Please if someone has a spare minute please help. I can't stop shaking and I don't know what to do",3.653035714285714,4.6602468035714315,4.303928571428571,89.14107142857144,72.03571428571428,6.492857142857144,23.82142857142857,6.322622252153567,0.5584785714285716,860,22,179,5,16,274,143,224,0.10099999999999999,0.772,0.127,0.7927,1,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,4,0,7,13,4,1,7,0,19,6,6,0,1,32,39,19,0,5,7,0,2,2,0,2,0,2,4,4,8,13,0,3,5,0,0,4,5,9,0,3,3,4,26,4,23,33,4,25,1,1,0,0,12,11,0,6,12,114,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977260256569433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372182120994433,0.0,0.2906610723113129,0.0,0.0,0.1066633220327841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291853378002204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348496103266164,0.0,0.14520300966547267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648951121733026,0.11296615809836705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622103402189267,0.0,0.0,0.15138068664458312,0.17125210298156426,0.0,0.256281104740177,0.0,0.12580495974721995,0.14740276616975126,0.1367556941180278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11354731063554745,0.0,0.0,0.14041270616452306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482136112235415,0.0,0.22560569891201526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873882461348635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472270458835602,0.0985262814160862,0.0,0.0,0.11988180793130145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656460273503894,0.19431454155979808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438977338786257,0.08856361273937549,0.0,0.0,0.2804554599131385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932928504235687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183793261962505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056735523366533,0.0,0.12783915311774566,0.0,0.10823953028864147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201883603310097,0.10680212504736766,0.0,0.0,0.14623963255671374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185505265899957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210891202013434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495803097662603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540456780304412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074772956535533,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,spectra007,2019/05/14,"Sleeping next to a new person So I’ve been seeing this guy for about two and a half months now, we haven’t really labeled our relationship and honestly I’m way too hesitant to ever ask for some kind of label for what we are. But he seems incredibly sweet and caring and I’m starting to trust him. I’ve slept over at his place a couple times before, usually after going out for a few drinks/smoking weed/or I knew in advance and I brought sleeping pills. He spontaneously asked me to sleep over last night and I just like him a lot and I really wanted to stay & I decided to take the risk and do it. I’m not used to sleeping next to other people, especially men, at all. Unless it’s a friend I’m incredibly close with or I have something to aid my sleep, it’s pretty much inevitable that this will trigger me to have really vivid nightmares of my past relationship where I slept next to my abuser every night for over a year. I was barely allowed to leave his room, and the only furniture in there besides his dresser was his bed, so being alone in bed and trying to sleep next to another man, no matter how much I like or trust them, is going to lead to me remembering that. I woke up at least 4 times last night from some really bad and vivid ptsd stress dreams, and i feel horrible because it was definitely very strange and noticeable for him, I think. I jerked awake very suddenly every time and every time I had a hard time remembering where I was and pulling myself out from the dream and reestablishing reality. At one point I feel asleep with his arm around me and I jerked awake and literally flung it off me as quickly as I could. I feel really bad because I like him and I don’t want him to think I disgust him or anything like that, but I’m also very hesitant to explain my trauma and my past relationship to him because it’s still fairly early in our relationship and I don’t want him to think that this defines me. Any tips/ideas for handling this gently or has anyone else here been in this type of situation?",5.09379487179487,5.688506323456791,6.014382716049386,79.68664529914531,68.48148148148148,9.193732193732194,28.169515669515672,9.265573868473778,2.2042763532763527,1611,51,321,30,26,533,200,405,0.081,0.825,0.094,0.4179,1,1,2,0,1,0,29.0,4,0,1,2,16,19,3,2,11,0,19,11,10,5,2,65,49,34,0,4,9,0,4,4,1,1,1,0,4,4,17,29,0,0,12,2,0,6,5,8,0,3,12,8,53,11,56,34,8,59,0,0,3,0,32,23,0,8,32,210,70,2,0.0,0.08567183176384778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488812340194494,0.0,0.057823787615942965,0.0,0.07834447671430628,0.0,0.04917115944236454,0.07582007059806549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05055865329177736,0.07408694570274862,0.059502403150604524,0.06436845515662952,0.13519434839448927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074645284565715,0.13223281288415395,0.0,0.061527831145883324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372168546053888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577311618164353,0.0800061899167978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040312190796645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540571464720647,0.18276500061148213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968159674126443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586411786560012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218733499707903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159518150475015,0.0,0.0,0.06477276398182573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162566884246912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529649098624817,0.0,0.11787951941845187,0.0,0.0765625480189417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413019612332965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06147272557502252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771466356842118,0.0,0.10630775638854904,0.0,0.0,0.06983443745503606,0.30759675832955,0.20356533238267055,0.0,0.0,0.08232186469464224,0.0,0.0,0.04899701473312812,0.054992642228188116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805020161422693,0.050128487870409716,0.0631355805790134,0.07554530222157531,0.0,0.06835337538119676,0.0,0.0,0.07356209404721713,0.0,0.0,0.08452287595777595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316082014819583,0.0,0.0,0.3105221257883939,0.1638192044223053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05761922355400598,0.06582546994880482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127596519475587,0.4341546085265232,0.0,0.0,0.055665370554909985,0.0,0.0,0.051179183421902766,0.07706951574751793,0.05774436957182647,0.0,0.08282728932418776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054365776753587516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899399157609416,0.0,0.0,0.21081362259854505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909162670305812,0.0,0.07063331736267706,0.0,0.0,0.06244993048257839,0.0796358153650213,0.17898225135021514,0.1279454176829918,0.057393837526058374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04656326149826668 ptsd,TechnicalDouble,2019/05/14,"Does anyone have therapy animals? I've been having a lot of episodes, panic attacks, mood swings and nightmares. I can't function this week it feels. Did it help? I've been considering getting an animal but it will greatly affect my living situation...",3.4626666666666672,6.648223155555558,4.90388888888889,73.2625,84.1111111111111,7.4444444444444455,29.722222222222207,8.344100000000001,3.2312222222222218,202,10,30,5,6,67,39,45,0.10300000000000001,0.8540000000000001,0.043,-0.3839,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,2,0,7,0,0,1,0,5,9,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,2,1,1,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124115698399644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34559609541384084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658418407502705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536014023943878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871365560761075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33492093582328536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036187978362937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682452384390671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25826475373811986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564229452682065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414639084163291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474014080074414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24367574816059615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Honest_Point,2019/05/14,"Not sure how to continue On top of my depression, which has gone untreated for years and continues to do so, my trauma has finally caught up to me. For 8 years the only sense of control I had was repressing my trauma. And then someone said to many wrong things. Made our relationship to similar. To identical. It started with twisted versions of the memories but it grew. I feel like I'm drowning. I don't want to do anything. I have panic attacks. I freeze up so much. It's like an internalized panic attack. It's torture. One wrong brush of someone's hand or just an empty space being behind me and I tense up and I freeze. I can't do anything at that moment and the panic is rising. I can always feel it rising. I feel numb a lot. I try to avoid everything that reminds me of it. I completely blocked the person who triggered my trauma out of my life. I can't remember the whole story, I know It was 8 years ago, but still. I feel guilty for just.. feeling this way. I act self-destructive. I try to write out the story just to feel something. I look into him on facebook just to try to remember more. I want to stop remembering. I don't want to live with this. I don't want to be diagnosed with this. I'm going to go see a therapist soon and.. I don't want to be diagnosed with PTSD. I don't want my family to know that I have PTSD and there's no way around them finding out because I am under 18. And I have chosen to not see a therapist when I knew I should for.. 6 years. I can't ignore my worsening depression and developing PTSD symptoms. I don't know how to continue. I don't know how to live life like this. So how do I continue? (Also I have a really bad memory so if you noticed that I'm going through the list of symptoms on the ADAA website, it's because my mind can get really jumbled easily and I wanted to correctly list off what I'm dealing with)",0.9879129464285724,3.242210179687504,3.4324851190476195,86.73781250000002,83.921875,6.990476190476191,23.205357142857146,8.11559375814309,1.5268888392857145,1455,54,301,32,42,503,172,384,0.222,0.705,0.073,-0.9955,0,1,1,0,0,0,47.0,1,1,1,2,18,22,3,5,14,0,31,8,1,7,2,70,65,25,1,9,10,0,9,3,0,1,7,1,0,1,20,20,0,6,15,0,0,9,13,18,0,1,8,14,49,4,54,53,5,44,0,2,3,0,10,16,0,3,20,208,69,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708576114631325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392404201117532,0.0665123769310933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155949395872546,0.07115915441160678,0.0,0.18187535079886052,0.0,0.0,0.06674243976952872,0.09745534648825567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381039405124995,0.0,0.08965397158714611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240954131799864,0.1376959074390135,0.16226481521360786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184048151665898,0.0,0.07535566454838002,0.0,0.24250542162714545,0.05710562588108736,0.0,0.08756495570476577,0.07305920059036076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04176277187917512,0.0,0.13628681737439347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17572088334510694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292099969895035,0.11715670416816852,0.0,0.14116825244454262,0.0,0.06712532182033483,0.0,0.0,0.06795793313123856,0.0,0.07563649055440777,0.0,0.08104160885798388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071162798001373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876146967949345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910066004691759,0.0,0.0,0.05416606828016038,0.060794218383767584,0.0,0.2813597248218012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979621487507054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803194375392589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241689804203273,0.0,0.0,0.08582034415549009,0.27165253620055496,0.0,0.07603655105940225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739579397950224,0.0,0.08338970521578523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354574411014746,0.06153791774336505,0.0,0.0,0.056578449908690036,0.0,0.06383624557656149,0.0668292929788993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533785207501091,0.16616627671691725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562154120717766,0.053105304819685666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281198467694233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300344036378864,0.1268974666815761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924464460364052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479288870940196,0.0,0.20590224244472488 ptsd,hhalbur,2019/05/14,Has anyone done EMDR for driving phobia? I was in a serious car accident almost ten years ago and it still impacts me today. I struggle to drive and be in cars. It holds be back from doing the things I want to do like getting a job with a commute or going on road trips. I live relatively close to Seattle but the freeways give me panic attacks so I rarely go. Just curious if anyone else struggles with ptsd due to a car accident and how you got over the subsequent driving phobia?,4.294872180451127,5.662270968421055,5.601804511278196,79.07263157894737,70.89473684210526,7.954887218045112,30.413533834586467,8.418075326091056,2.4256165413533832,382,16,69,6,7,128,71,95,0.271,0.7020000000000001,0.027999999999999997,-0.9768,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,1,3,7,0,7,0,0,1,0,14,13,8,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,9,0,5,0,1,3,0,8,1,12,8,0,21,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,3,7,49,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321996594809176,0.0,0.20697215771366906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890476713740869,0.21178035549139806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351419621130093,0.0,0.15893337147369047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21151765372058715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266462409969213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079880267426406,0.19827777768542906,0.23493562674869825,0.0,0.16531045515309706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205109893425553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009792592263291,0.0,0.18251280188366426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425084999646882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24161185952127914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506447930265242,0.0,0.0,0.4321586626268184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13731696482301514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959198257149876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191228285171495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310285610243475 ptsd,fancylamp12,2019/05/14,"exposure therapy/systemic desensitization? i have cptsd from a whole situation during the summer 2018 and it really has messed up certain songs and shows for me, so i’m trying to desensitize myself by listening to some songs and calming myself down while listening to them so when they happen it won’t trigger me as bad. i tried it today and i disassociated and panicked a lot, but i was able to calm down just a little. has anyone tried this? has it been successful?",6.175862068965517,7.570463770114943,7.5615517241379315,66.67612068965518,66.47126436781609,10.397701149425288,30.59195402298851,10.504223727775694,3.4927333333333337,376,14,63,10,6,129,62,87,0.069,0.794,0.13699999999999998,0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,1,4,6,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,1,11,11,11,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,10,4,11,8,3,8,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,51,15,1,0.28101895229191265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964949854585986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23463908699426805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24850413143239625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28165481652420216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389122639057509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002793673972758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31587707660865383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663731080891104,0.0,0.0,0.5723802661131314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137476244685683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Anonymous0212,2019/01/16,"PTSD-related angry tone of voice is getting in the way of my relationships Had a fun time in therapy this week. (/s) It’s become extremely apparent that one of the symptoms of my PTSD is that when I get anxious about — well, many more things than I thought, this intense, angry tone of voice comes out. Needless to say, it doesn’t work very well in my relationships. DH Is dealing with his own PTSD in therapy, one big symptom being avoidance. and has almost never called me on it when he notices it (way more often than I do.) But he hasn’t avoided telling me that we actually have a friend? friends? who have told him they only want to see him alone, without me. *Totally embarrassing.* So basically I left therapy the other day feeling like I should just say “f*** it” to any more socializing, it’s just too d*** hard to start learning how to undo literally decades of abuse and communicate more effectively at my age (61). It just feels overwhelming and like too much work and I’d be better off just being a loner, other than being around DH. 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When I was a toddler my mom divorced my violent and alcoholic father and we moved out. My mom gained full custody. When I was under the age of 5, he came a few times during the night and broke the window. We managed to escape to a neighbor. But one time he managed to get in. We didn’t hear him so we didn’t wake up until he was in the bedroom. Fortunately he didn’t become angry. But another time he managed break in during the day. My aunt and cousin was visiting. He kicked and beat my mom severely. My teenage cousin forced me out while I was fighting to stay there. I didn’t want to leave my mom in danger. But my cousin managed to drag me out and get us in safety at a neighbors and the neighbor called the police. Turns out my mom almost got killed that day. As an adult I have been to therapy and was diagnosed with PTSD. I am doing much better now, but still I get worried when hearing sounds during the night. As a child I promised myself that I would never sleep so deeply that I wouldn’t hear intruders coming in. It worked. And till this day I always get up and check where the noises come from. And I have troubles falling asleep until I know nobody are inside my home. Fortunately this doesn’t happen so often. Maybe once a month or so. But I realize that it is not healthy. I read some use white noises to sleep better, but that would make me even more worried as I would then not hear anything at all.a Any advice on how to overcome my fears of someone breaking in? CBT and stoicism helps me normally. But I don’t know how to use it in this example.",2.3819090909090903,4.369591251515157,3.467878787878792,89.7918181818182,77.3939393939394,5.9757575757575765,22.81818181818182,6.88968998030894,0.6631090909090913,1283,39,262,13,30,413,165,330,0.11599999999999999,0.828,0.055999999999999994,-0.9404,0,0,1,0,3,0,31.0,5,0,0,5,16,11,4,2,17,0,24,6,4,6,1,53,44,38,1,6,10,10,0,0,3,4,2,6,6,2,11,24,1,0,3,1,1,6,10,8,0,1,13,7,41,3,40,27,5,52,0,1,1,0,36,21,0,4,22,180,52,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650904699208902,0.0,0.09027506893997854,0.08458668455576919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070287619245117,0.0,0.0,0.11488795579500073,0.08857644418019743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951340521953564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329288425638052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14941755424076875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625553856861054,0.09661366829494493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553060380223187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343270032412024,0.0,0.0,0.08573748281789054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579307707074295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901093704327507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653290674036298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756011764224927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746984682698322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38082513664138096,0.0,0.056619920496771,0.0,0.08473248224446958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345594966047248,0.0,0.0928474000769219,0.0,0.0,0.08944383996744136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563858349319289,0.0,0.08486365690389995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4946639712740326,0.06742488678291426,0.08978055715339632,0.062096770521291214,0.0,0.06515015142584069,0.0,0.0,0.2378142510101674,0.0827647995621927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996011298307456,0.0572405341523906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874345598953736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449503764034264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542951739462943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690663661322865,0.0,0.07157300252494381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003610265405168,0.06745959068297255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966012976742053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776921936816295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188147316031173,0.0,0.0,0.10160962967290664,0.14591368058125895,0.0,0.0,0.04982387934186705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149675183879109,0.17157119481903818,0.0,0.18001983545180852,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nsjbn,2019/01/16,"I‘m going to open up to my therapist. Finally! She already knows why I have it (I mean, she diagnosed it.. lol) but we never talked about the aftermath of it. Self harm is such an uncomfortable topic for me, but I think I’m getting pretty addicted to it again, and I’m so scared. Also, i dissociate a lot lately and I’m more stressed than usual. That’s why I decided to open up to her. I don’t want to do this alone anymore. It’s time to get help :) I still don’t know how to tell her that I don’t feel good lately.. but I’ll figure this out.",-0.7129022988505724,1.4089284568965574,2.2777241379310347,92.50635632183908,92.01724137931036,5.851954022988505,18.07816091954023,7.3011,0.3880133333333333,415,12,96,8,15,146,75,116,0.157,0.708,0.135,-0.5884,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,3,1,6,2,0,1,1,20,19,8,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,15,1,15,19,2,15,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,1,9,62,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916386542817348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820669509636644,0.19399026271439146,0.14058037811816512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17433790547119152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842464556618054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888545111631402,0.0,0.0,0.19257096697239998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368757911180672,0.0,0.0999063456993958,0.14744554788703554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178293193897414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322079335654732,0.0,0.3966008788584033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945162469620316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19148845004826912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558122182603893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884312707095168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759979323844362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18338884591102644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038729808775527,0.0,0.201368539346367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129452780994015,0.15364949645904313,0.0,0.0,0.20410745025494215,0.0,0.11264007828808577,0.0,0.0,0.10250542207370872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936094728024418,0.0,0.10368636587088803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31724892505196994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alexneverafter,2019/01/16,"Any tips to help with the nightmares? I can’t believe how many nightmares I have. I am on 100mg of Zoloft and my psych is aware of my nightmares, but we were hoping increasing the dose would avoid them. I adore my Zoloft, so I’m not willing to give it up, but I can’t handle these nightmares. I dream people stab me, beat me, drown me. That my mother steals my babies (I don’t even have or want kids), that she kills me, publicly humiliates me, shoots me, even tied me a noose and told me to hang myself once. I NEED to get better control of these. I’m not sure if only medication can help with this or if there is something I can do. ",4.30409090909091,4.232747136363638,4.879848484848483,89.46477272727276,70.06060606060606,7.50909090909091,25.59090909090909,6.6274283507984215,0.7281181818181821,490,12,112,3,8,157,83,132,0.179,0.6779999999999999,0.14300000000000002,-0.8122,0,1,1,1,0,1,19.0,1,0,1,3,5,7,1,1,3,0,14,4,0,2,1,21,22,10,2,6,8,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,0,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,0,26,4,11,18,1,4,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,5,0,75,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704707509344862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601902234794028,0.0,0.20424760540608847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590187743660403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050672980920012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065658436288818,0.22153862916305533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095883409017333,0.0,0.0,0.2293754639459173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555008215212135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23413684667212886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23264768843707445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123903560116316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459434937510273,0.0,0.17564022714820296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601046729055264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777888446964228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176581557111646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22067300464201706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621435713263172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405310386034772,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,zombiethoven,2019/01/16,"How to be a more supportive partner My husband has PTSD that manifests predominantly as sleep disturbances (He has not slept through the night in approximately 1 year. Maybe longer) and episodes of severe depression. He has just started seeing a private therapist and also occasionally goes to a VA support group. He refuses any medication due to prior negative experiences with SSRIs. Recently his depression seems to be worsening and I dont know how to help. I'm dealing with my own anxiety and depression issues (Postpartum related; I'm also in therapy and undergoing CBT) and I'm really struggling to be supportive. He sometimes stays in bed all day and I feel torn between anger because I need help with our home and children and being compassionate because I know he is trying. For those of you out there who have struggled with PTSD and depression, what did you need most from your partner? Did you feel supported? Was there any specific practice that brought more harmony to your relationship (ex. Set routines, dedicated alone time, etc)?",7.153070244672456,9.52323704972376,7.575899763220207,63.774378453038686,65.24309392265194,11.801262825572215,39.447908445146005,11.491704259439757,5.657043883188635,850,48,126,30,14,278,120,181,0.19699999999999998,0.687,0.11599999999999999,-0.9542,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,5,0,0,7,13,1,3,4,0,13,3,2,2,1,29,31,15,0,2,2,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,5,15,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,5,3,13,5,22,22,6,15,0,4,1,0,25,4,0,2,8,82,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659200132908062,0.0,0.18004967453612022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310742549352518,0.0,0.08611827587211039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724729276308667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260047355103089,0.11605814202411226,0.3878369161170364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13193508375015234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554900075591552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011830066864682,0.0,0.0,0.11384089841497325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091103673873374,0.0,0.11292021102085872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749729069832203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373469691557892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309502320422815,0.0,0.0,0.11340576894674738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16694336949152075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10564242777780107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263184356032369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211734653858114,0.0,0.11115256506594172,0.12086160814950095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970635508026079,0.1024825156662837,0.0,0.12717580031149858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265461151666906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133788447231414,0.0,0.07967996994023722,0.1199881726804339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23537213684916816,0.0,0.0,0.5109874435056972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873739361001696,0.13070629230314718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06564240376080653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642988962467487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249352233536195 ptsd,server_busy,2019/01/16,"So stressed I get dizzy, anyone else? When the stress piles up several days in a row, I get spells of dizziness that are overwhelming. Didn’t know if this was experienced by others. tia ",2.7270000000000003,5.513166771428577,2.9939285714285724,89.18232142857146,81.28571428571428,6.928571428571428,23.035714285714285,8.07648339933343,1.39,147,5,29,3,4,45,33,35,0.20199999999999999,0.711,0.087,-0.5198,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,4,4,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150559428407475,0.3151357269812232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19835337536088665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569303074090184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32137905552049234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902916456329967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3474598445735572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7046271860035294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,runners_high420,2019/01/16,Prazosin for nightmares I am new to Reddit and have been finding it helpful. I was wondering if anyone has had any experience taking Prazosin for nightmares and what dosage was most helpful (if at all)?,5.895833333333336,8.35624802777778,5.8066666666666675,74.80500000000002,68.72222222222223,7.022222222222222,37.0,7.793537801064563,3.2689000000000004,163,9,24,2,3,51,28,36,0.0,0.851,0.149,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,8,9,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,4,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,1,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531733300668747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26031728278808103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641758953456592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34027083628729604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4990829098175311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3595647791173613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279919466989818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4037379882952518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,I_Am_Not_Your_Daddy,2019/01/16,"Worst therapist I've experienced in my LIFE (TW: Rape) Guys, I'm FUMING right now. I saw a new therapist for our first session today with the idea of doing some EMDR. I'd done some research and found someone in my city that looked like they had the experience and would be able to help. Despite listing herself as a specialist and my contacting being specifically for the purposes of CPTSD, our first interaction was for her to compliment my parents on the choosing of my name. I told her that I was looking into changing it and she look flustered and back tracked. We start talking about family and how I'd experience little support, if any, and each time I visited or spoke to them it's nothing but denials, invalidating everything I say or think or remember, and insults. When the topic was raised of how last year I had woken up to being raped by a female friend, she said that as I had taken MDMA earlier in the night, I'd made myself more vulnerable and had some responsibility to take. I WAS FUCKING ASLEEP. HOW THE FUCK IS MY TAKING ANYTHING GOING TO MAKE ME MORE VULNERABLE THAN BEING GODDAMN ASLEEP?! She also corrects me to say that it wasn't really rape, but sexual assault. When I ask her to clarify, she says that because in this instance it was a woman doing this to a man that even though it's horrible, it's sexual assault because women can't rape men. She tries to explain why EMDR works and fucking makes something up using an explanation of left and right brain as creative and analytical working together. She asks me to think of a time I felt safe, and when I tell her that I don't know what safety feels like because nobody has ever stood up for me and I've always had to protect and defend myself, she tells me thst im exaggerating and that there must have been some time I felt safe. And to round off this shit hour, she ends the session by saying that all things happen for a reason. What the actual flying monkey fuck happened to me today, guys? Why is this the kind of experience I have everytime I go to see a therapist? How can someone be dealing with trauma professionally for this long and STILL be that judgemental and clueless?",5.861666666666667,6.7689699492753626,6.835893719806768,73.36297101449277,66.89855072463769,9.51497584541063,31.758454106280194,9.633347757342033,3.0379845410628015,1725,68,306,35,27,577,220,414,0.161,0.7509999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9906,1,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,3,0,2,4,16,23,13,0,19,0,31,13,4,9,4,62,69,37,0,3,6,1,4,2,1,2,1,6,0,6,24,24,0,3,12,0,0,3,3,15,0,2,24,16,47,8,47,37,9,39,0,0,6,8,46,14,5,8,24,219,71,6,0.0834344444259306,0.0,0.08141998219640613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667224950633822,0.06942414155636233,0.0,0.0,0.0567382832986432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865943868714948,0.0,0.15599988543229545,0.0,0.0,0.0641559376626409,0.0,0.15258258873459693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931404334068026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882625791901058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601724860897382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538240446810394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389815310624648,0.0,0.0,0.05510766365434098,0.07547123169534442,0.0,0.0,0.07498549876599311,0.2448446893896889,0.07865456872937072,0.0,0.04218696202630593,0.0596055837688751,0.16022030183401215,0.0,0.0,0.1419385916123818,0.0,0.09148156181971732,0.06446124479538595,0.3085351977081873,0.0,0.0,0.09483543502956536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652264350526753,0.1475616073187325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05592434937609427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216612117056925,0.0,0.0,0.09418733208139572,0.0901235174025519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868841346313806,0.0458533886572651,0.06801020805408944,0.0,0.0,0.09065176799466323,0.0,0.0589322155476982,0.08152371021986972,0.08362323232980226,0.0,0.07383685778809834,0.2101917594479826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894768867628492,0.11138627906677492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058150633949494,0.0,0.07829757408946586,0.0,0.08005759966609029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264407673419624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05345024156030214,0.08578450485695296,0.0,0.0,0.09451496096167844,0.142505119323371,0.07936526294458418,0.26540167608355497,0.0,0.0,0.06648644991353159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564425821803423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413874680141702,0.0642319115572304,0.0,0.0,0.0590553291994024,0.0,0.06663085509521374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946804187916469,0.0,0.0,0.12546463732714885,0.06706144598897952,0.14585076390052712,0.0,0.0,0.2906214620632433,0.05543013750681525,0.10692284610585573,0.08197391802866437,0.0,0.14595388652036606,0.0,0.15817219516452444,0.07972518715354207,0.0,0.05664651098443582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206057143831131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057321739347485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148253848302927,0.0,0.0,0.05926943546902416,0.0,0.0,0.05372904670458621 ptsd,bigpapigordo,2019/01/16,"Are my symptoms reason for concern? To give you some backstory I used to use drugs heavily for around 2 years. Around a year in I started to deal in order to bring in money. The most memorable deal of my life was being thrown out of a moving car. I was on the outside, he grabbed the drugs and I (stupidly) grabbed onto the car and tried to get it back. The driver hit around 30 mph and the passenger shoved me out of the car. I have permanent mental and physical scars from this incident. I find it incredibly hard to trust anybody (I only trust around 3 people completely) and I hate being in public. I'm constantly paranoid and looking around myself while in public. I worry about people seeing me, and a lot of other silly reasons. After browsing this sub it made me realize that I have similar symptoms. It's not to the point to where it has a major impact in my life but I'm still curious and wish to seek help. Thanks in advance, stay safe guys. ",2.9351871657754,5.060290326203212,4.349197860962569,83.47320855614977,76.21925133689841,7.180748663101605,25.438502673796787,8.124751697461798,1.7339326203208567,749,27,140,13,17,248,113,187,0.038,0.8370000000000001,0.125,0.9532,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,1,9,7,2,0,12,0,8,6,0,5,0,30,23,10,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,9,15,0,1,5,0,1,6,1,2,0,0,3,5,18,5,34,17,4,34,0,0,2,0,9,18,0,3,8,98,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5431359940361525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382889645471172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793980496250087,0.13186455559773036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25160269827216397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830181170800281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115276927171014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637524849918707,0.11705650549794178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208229092345282,0.0,0.0,0.10930950406105763,0.12047340204408975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179009111361292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237826932086675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246939748889848,0.0,0.0,0.10374041082718988,0.0,0.11546202543399987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297145566883952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969216285328405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280472345841344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919210518738095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535208789166952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509219167200751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723730104892273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636918998342871,0.13006131013570502,0.09744849551249406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25365924209242263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123432718881886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284626189439019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077905310983944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032153687546714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392125892794968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157158864589104 ptsd,Markwerty,2019/01/16,"Advice on first baby steps getting back to work Hi there, after 18 months of treatment to get me to this point, my psychologist last week said he thinks I am ready for up to four hours of “work” a week. At this stage it will be volunteer most likely. My PTSD was caused by a toxic work environment in a high stress finance job (looking after 100s of millions of dollars with no ability/experience to do the job) . Which I hopefully will return to a similar role but with obviously within the right role. But for now I would love to know any tips/tricks/advice you might have on what to look for in this small baby step forward and any experiences you could offer that is insightful. Thank you for finding the time to read and help despite you fighting your own battles to lend a hand so I can fight mine! Mark ",7.5825,6.6603832611465,7.396234076433121,76.9895103503185,63.52229299363057,10.397770700636944,33.00079617834395,9.516144504307137,2.7701216560509545,640,21,125,10,8,204,112,157,0.064,0.797,0.139,0.9292,2,0,0,0,3,0,13.0,0,5,0,4,4,8,3,1,8,0,12,2,1,1,1,17,22,5,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,1,2,3,1,4,0,3,2,4,13,4,30,14,2,27,0,0,2,1,15,12,0,3,14,84,20,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941361082823117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046919862923942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572615127862905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460621439627506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016298087321965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944381517532814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755539206800094,0.12801626414989792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726135553813758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087779793803082,0.15901280612123075,0.0,0.14948167386718775,0.14821338936022724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986984839648775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271153669816071,0.1226785845940765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352729587797442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527662467170529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13583323051301632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596580150269263,0.0,0.0,0.12012864103667058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227230286248044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759278768606441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15054195164994788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852722286996393,0.1431611283446566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723986434655396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13856130647282922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964351072901027,0.0,0.0,0.08775847394400238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414460074074912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287000503396636,0.0,0.0,0.1069117513542532,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Melkly,2019/01/16,"Paranoia and that time o(F) month My symptons get worse 2 weeks before my peroid. It makes me think my boyfriend is cheating on me. He is a normal person, stable family, healthy long term relationships, like any of us on his phone too much, and otherwise amazing. How do I stop the intrusive thoughts that he is cheating on me when he takes the phone to the bathroom to poop? Or to shower? Or goes to school? 2 weeks of every month is me living in paranoia and anger and depression, if I can stop the paranoia the other two symptoms should elevate as well. If not, well at least ive identified another way that doesnt work, and that is still better than nothing.",4.9847681539807525,6.270036173228347,5.151128608923887,83.26497812773405,69.15748031496064,8.164129483814524,29.85914260717411,8.515128840125781,2.1967399825021867,522,20,99,8,9,164,86,127,0.191,0.687,0.122,-0.8844,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,2,6,9,3,0,6,0,10,2,1,2,0,18,15,12,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,4,2,1,1,0,12,5,13,13,3,17,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,4,12,65,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891172697475895,0.1833573915362317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487941456240048,0.0,0.0,0.1546506706657555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506078406432085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473282448473223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484373615667722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135784801423054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542843216289497,0.0,0.15440579217987704,0.15474680874213928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672132143482905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791453524594026,0.0,0.12854322580893812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713270147520261,0.16778419931461572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268220244032366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877356699543163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696904053763907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396445149295917,0.2923838680310009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817479153121594,0.131473987504217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204410447687732,0.0,0.13882039455146264,0.10196307029278616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17081414887922475,0.0,0.2103366964458916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879681535539032,0.28052648500828997,0.0,0.3144427409532293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12730115900986444,0.0,0.1781986735403406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pickingpearswitchu,2019/04/25,"Hidden Memories As many people on here I had a traumatic childhood. My Dad was physically abusive and a drug addict- My mom has severe mental health issues and a degenerative brain disorder, which made her also not the best Mom. My life really started to go downhill maybe when I was seven or eight? Before that it was fairly normal. I have worked through all the other stuff but there are some things I have trouble with. I would say I was very hyper sexual as a child. I originally thought it was just a weird thing some kids do and that I had no real reason for it. (I am fine now but I feel badly for showing my friends porn at s young age as well as showing my younger siblings). Anyways, so I have always had this obscure memory almost like a weird dream of my Mom finding someones pants at the end of my bed. They were really big black jeans, too big to be my Dad's. And there was a hole in the crotch as well. This memory has been with me for probably about 20 years. But I could never really remember if it was a dream or not. My Mom was really upset about finding the jeans. (In my memory/dream there was no reason for them to be there) My Mom wanted to or did call the police. Now into my adulthood I have salvaged the relationship with my Dad. We were talking about the past and stuff and I don't remember how we got on it but he brought up someone, a Male coworker of his, who lived with us when I was 7/8. I have NO memory of this ever happening or ever having anyone other than my Mom and Dad being the adults in the home at that time. He dropped it really quickly when I questioned him about it as well. And didn't tell me the persons name either. He just brushed it off. Could something have happened and I be repressing it? Could that be why I was so interested in sex at such a young age? ;;; I have since then been sexually harassed by many of my Mom's exes and also possibly raped but that I was older and don't have a memory of because I was drunk. (I woke up to her then boyfriend crying after getting his daughter and zi drunk when we were 12, saying he had a horrible dream he did something terrible to us). So idk. I know I should probably discuss this in therapy and I have done therapy before but never talked about these specific abuses then. I feel fine about it really for myself. I mostly just feel badly for letting that poison effect other people at such s young age so well.",3.3962238756975616,4.953295582120584,4.875477076266551,82.65293330780173,73.42827442827442,7.973760805339753,25.13190721085458,8.611707548084741,1.7451006237006244,1889,60,371,35,38,633,223,481,0.17,0.7659999999999999,0.064,-0.9957,0,0,3,0,1,0,47.0,5,0,2,3,38,21,3,2,23,0,54,12,2,6,5,74,69,44,0,8,17,12,3,1,1,2,5,2,2,5,30,21,2,1,13,7,0,2,10,11,4,2,31,7,58,10,54,27,6,50,0,0,1,3,46,18,0,11,30,293,88,1,0.0,0.16118469796528825,0.0,0.07415163006992621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811201158142056,0.0,0.0,0.10879083066387484,0.05659792863612555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04756103081132982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358739583131007,0.04146424319991986,0.0,0.11575969225270405,0.0,0.07138259128454691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593260046026322,0.06945582833517222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629248439478453,0.0,0.07471656436733318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795659213845038,0.0,0.0,0.06960787885210351,0.0,0.0,0.07888138162147748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060245359929344586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305561984099582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317857502932204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243377431995694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05255193439825431,0.0,0.03553754190611951,0.0,0.03865722401206532,0.0,0.05440165363446869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029938193297285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230187442228543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822941272928984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709950067322164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037381907226630776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955486145870772,0.04804440148863053,0.03323104203910398,0.0,0.060062736036484085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06436198632805333,0.0,0.1379228169654161,0.06833503892765941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854796734033425,0.0,0.0,0.5576478336298922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049221373731099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664496919248898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493260268022581,0.09431273979434414,0.059392272097920265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668211257959864,0.0,0.0,0.14667371353846026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619775125281601,0.0,0.0,0.0774214321511684,0.2614513818618255,0.1398713811977769,0.0,0.07302781735002899,0.15410636402935918,0.0,0.0,0.1081841617781484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768430211933286,0.0,0.056266687505170686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526592400443054,0.10472994163065433,0.0,0.0,0.04814476971093877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15573281155015242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934348914457157,0.059452309684410634,0.0,0.1555731552908338,0.0,0.09037867509976713,0.0,0.0,0.054000129118936736,0.039662896643997934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16363890627494365,0.0,0.0,0.056123464642291086,0.0401198446846217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24463190249314645,0.0,0.061377296294178686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04951922983459457,0.0,0.0,0.04831931953030905,0.0,0.0,0.04380252579147003 ptsd,username1105,2019/04/25,"Does anyone have experience with revealing repressed memories? So, I’m not sure if this is the smartest thing to do, but I want to uncover specific repressed memories. I don’t know how or where to go to do this. I would have been around 3, so I’m not even sure it’s possible. Trigger warning A little back story: I had a crappy childhood with a lot of crappy family members. My grandfather has been accused of abusing the little girls in our family. I was told that around 3 he used to make me sleep naked in his bed with him and when returning back home to my mom I used to scream “don’t touch me” and things of that nature in my sleep. My grandmother told me she’s 95% sure I was sexually abused by him. I just want to know if/what happened to my body and I hate that I don’t know. I’ve been raped, molested, and witnessed a suicide, so how much worse can this one thing make me? Do you think the power of knowing where I’ve been is worth the potential added damage? If you’ve had repressed memories exposed and are willing I’d love it if you shared your experience and the outcome.",3.7283636363636385,4.871906336363637,4.897954545454546,84.43693181818183,72.0,8.590909090909092,28.29545454545455,9.017664075816787,2.160045454545455,854,32,178,17,16,282,117,220,0.29,0.6459999999999999,0.064,-0.9962,1,0,0,0,1,1,21.0,1,3,0,1,14,13,3,3,9,0,23,5,3,7,3,42,42,17,1,6,8,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,11,11,0,3,6,0,1,1,5,8,0,1,10,2,27,5,22,30,2,15,0,1,0,2,15,9,0,5,5,120,38,0,0.0,0.28841429594523543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510287508081824,0.0,0.0,0.2166964601183632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717586333631106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519302881927467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650975830398693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038869742024532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381126246948195,0.2294758263012371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917093363935896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762827359181852,0.0,0.0,0.12016401070830585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208564636397945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26755583104248915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439719732351169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347399198505534,0.10984856020062388,0.0,0.1624855290696148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254597308201705,0.0,0.0,0.08947128852350313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247424629968474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721040390571718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24359697769879274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331316320340819,0.0,0.3441323746585914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24257732535791995,0.07798723220085207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23259937082648105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023774513903068,0.0,0.0,0.1435761198701288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240334901703138,0.08645971173943645,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,saucynst,2019/04/25,"TW Do you ever feel like you're in a ""final destination"" situation? I tried hard to not mention anything potentially triggering in the title, but do you ever feel like you're in a ""Final Destination"" situation with your accident? As in, you made it out alive once but you weren't meant to? I'm so worried about going back to the city where I got hit by a car because I'm worried if I go back there, I'll die. I'll get hit again and I won't make it this time. God forbid of course, but I'm just so scared? I need to talk to my therapist about this but my therapist is located in the city I got hit. Does anybody else get this feeling? I know some see my survival as a sign I'm meant to be here but I can't help but hold this irrational fear it was all a fluke.",1.4687905346187549,2.976926190184052,3.7912050832602975,88.61872699386505,78.50920245398773,7.3565293602103425,23.299298860648555,8.192908349453996,1.1409495179666962,591,19,137,11,14,205,92,163,0.218,0.708,0.07400000000000001,-0.982,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,5,0,1,13,5,0,2,8,0,8,0,0,3,3,29,31,12,1,2,9,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,6,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,7,5,16,2,19,19,2,18,0,0,1,0,8,7,0,2,10,80,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190655089468214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225115589589748,0.0,0.0882001752975229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15016281284093685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661703246417536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208678653489957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617563086583031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628136966866207,0.21947508750268016,0.2067296005681388,0.0,0.3169962335113506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118652525021195,0.0,0.16445851515680682,0.0,0.2314396702672502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961160728026944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698100142247124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951648253768066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413740373379823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369068392074752,0.09658004973801547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728397010590417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408749727359253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448574583925929,0.0,0.11529722858779533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3252696915976388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162943558826686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359867480527076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436846224206285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823333527609968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29387441986516305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,metalgirl00,2019/04/25,"How do you motivate yourself to do things? I struggle with leaving my house and even taking a shower everyday because I lack motivation. I just don't feel like doing much. I would love to be able to leave my house, I just don't know how to feel motivated.",3.60029411764706,5.167446627450979,5.115833333333335,81.09375000000003,72.92156862745098,8.237254901960785,28.43627450980393,8.841846274778883,2.2442509803921564,202,8,40,4,4,68,35,51,0.14400000000000002,0.635,0.221,0.7423,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,3,5,3,0,1,1,0,7,1,0,5,0,14,12,3,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,8,2,5,10,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,30,9,3,0.23802049028671074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450950816524608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721028900966508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407006232089784,0.1700418858195689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5492873770962251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080983668799215,0.0,0.0,0.5040586635358499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162847886747266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21482278542414235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17497244734935435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488306962367232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789617866801013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813023741944576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690829271581902,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,volcanoxchoir,2019/04/25,"Is seeing things part of dissociation? DAE see 'faceless' people? (x-post /cptsd) Hello all! New here, new throwaway too. I was diagnosed with CPTSD in 2013, and since then my symptoms have remained the same. However, in the last 6 months or so I've begun seeing 'faceless' people-- as in, people who have heads and hair but their faces are featureless. It looks like they just have flat skin instead of having eyes, eyebrows, etc. When I see them I don't feel fear, and sometimes I see them in passing but there have been a few times in which I've been in a store and seen the same faceless person walking around a few times. DAE experience this, or something similar? I don't think my other diagnoses would be the cause of this (ye olde depression, bipolar, anxiety) because I've had those since I was much younger and those symptoms haven't changed on me either. Any insight as to why the heck this is happening would be helpful! Thank you all!",5.155816767502159,6.6808488426966335,4.930898876404496,84.09798184961109,69.0,7.724114088159032,30.546240276577358,8.139509932561175,2.1154774416594644,746,30,140,10,13,229,117,178,0.028999999999999998,0.8859999999999999,0.086,0.8752,1,0,1,1,0,0,30.0,0,2,4,0,8,4,0,1,8,0,20,10,5,1,2,23,31,14,0,2,6,0,3,1,0,2,5,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,3,0,1,2,3,2,0,0,6,11,15,2,15,21,10,20,0,1,8,0,10,8,1,2,11,95,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874657921433679,0.0,0.09839370223743672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449878309090199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840536239415613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212784005272055,0.13606256581372378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077994088553228,0.2610925331259661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344494094296995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581472605157307,0.0,0.14473289705360973,0.06503397419218829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373795719327108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200089723102848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08621105951578059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484220486502528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283707823265952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080081365014068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266300051795532,0.0,0.09455026309078106,0.0,0.0,0.2484433745374983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496471674589525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928257824841656,0.0,0.2675060716642572,0.11230574243927753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318209853104813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5124661578037609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127910548513361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990177125322058,0.12720815113372227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673701877453704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841571964379632,0.0,0.0,0.08544919944317987,0.08241429674252879,0.0,0.0,0.1499983380852168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116059254609231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18273545908684172,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,miummers,2019/04/25,"Can’t remember traumatic event? Can it still be PTSD even though you don’t remember your trauma? All I know is there are some places or times of year that can seriously fuck me up and where I feel extreme fear and/or experience derealization. I have the feeling that “something bad has happened”. I avoid places that give me that old feeling from the past. I also get feelings of darkness and extreme loneliness out of the blue when triggered. What the hell is this? I’ve always been very sensitive and I remember my childhood as pretty intense emotionally speaking. I often felt overwhelmed, out of place and scared. I do have a memory of something that happened when I was 8 that really impacted me (the next day after the event I started having derealization and was crying all the time) but I don’t even remember why ? I just remember feeling very, very scared. I’ve experienced it since I was like 7 or 8 and I’ve never found an explanation for this. I don’t want to feel like this anymore 😔 I’ve talked to therapists about this but they’ve never worked on it with me, I guess because I also suffer from GAD and they were treating my GAD at the time and not these feelings. Any advice or insight will be highly appreciated 🙏",4.226153846153848,6.395895931623932,5.160179487179487,78.90565384615388,72.58974358974359,8.098803418803419,28.79401709401709,8.841846274778883,2.464744273504273,984,40,178,20,20,321,134,234,0.14300000000000002,0.765,0.092,-0.9026,0,1,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,1,1,13,14,2,5,10,0,22,1,0,1,4,44,40,19,0,1,7,0,8,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,15,11,0,1,16,0,0,0,7,11,0,0,7,11,25,3,19,30,3,28,1,2,1,1,6,10,2,6,20,122,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308792168936657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236033364585458,0.07926476191093014,0.0,0.0,0.06478072924028401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944732892323824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953893458306348,0.05807020582305787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463970728425533,0.0614354477539644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071557744403845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583795034707618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318351212583698,0.0,0.10719508034436427,0.3371676765541361,0.06805445915620258,0.09146547435419076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444874152304724,0.0,0.08806723583188468,0.04976992738017446,0.09138300693302284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494070313547042,0.0,0.16847793014217813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064844965999507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0523529402488431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307940056309466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14694227224345965,0.0,0.10131112700266963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996036802795263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09093737908316242,0.0,0.0,0.2985823289967936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691465791866877,0.0,0.0,0.11135498133715536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102661950698302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5395605699759439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074570760176615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880086243593264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667310426976965,0.0,0.0,0.06742620799656462,0.0,0.07607553722152989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656716281329398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060533353491292,0.0,0.0,0.09359342369646788,0.0,0.16664232074975502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358008412863486,0.05618739083677763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595821251291165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069351123926935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061344944269605815 ptsd,Buttercup_Bride,2019/04/25,"Today I go back to where this all started thirty years ago... Today I return to the place where I got PTSD for the first time in just over thirty years. I don’t know what to expect but I’m bringing a companion just in case. I’m hoping that my diagnosis and subsequent therapy and medication regimen are enough to get me through today without too much strain.",4.813714285714287,6.109210085714286,5.884285714285718,77.8107142857143,69.57142857142857,9.028571428571428,28.285714285714285,9.3871,2.5013714285714292,286,10,53,6,5,95,52,70,0.0,0.924,0.076,0.6023,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,10,11,3,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,6,1,10,10,3,19,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,11,37,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18675863644825302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200297598002714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21769287086027267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792076858772937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007368396142354,0.0,0.11973656112656746,0.0,0.1685032252641024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092567302498056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11578640562168015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21224194491001147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548769670107704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011991744470474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24627829833078796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912320552606456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409354925785665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285152309406758,0.0,0.5991113356184675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20309183857752314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27134715132630605 ptsd,strawberry-cup,2019/04/25,"DAE experience phantom touching? Hey team, on mobile and all that so sorry for formatting. I began exposure therapy a few months ago and as expected I’ve had a kickback of symptoms (so many emotions, anxiety, nightmares, flashbacks etc). It has also brought forward something I’ve not experienced for years (way before diagnosis). I was wondering if anyone else ever gets this type of hallucinations (Are they even hallucinations?) where you distinctly feel someone touching you but no one actually is. Recently I’ve been feeling hands sliding down my back and someone brushing their fingers across my backside amongst other pokes and prods. Anyone else? I’ll definitely mention it to my therapist but just wanted to check with you guys to see if this was common and whether I should be concerned considering this is one of my *at my worst* type symptoms.",6.396091051805339,9.261932408163267,6.64040816326531,67.59442700156987,68.45578231292518,9.148927263212977,38.51857666143381,9.661875296680813,4.580408058608059,692,40,99,17,13,222,107,147,0.042,0.9209999999999999,0.037000000000000005,0.3225,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,2,1,8,1,0,0,2,0,10,4,2,0,3,22,18,14,0,5,7,0,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,3,1,1,3,2,1,0,2,6,9,13,0,14,10,4,17,0,0,1,0,9,6,0,3,9,72,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.15508166504116375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087178275176762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708717628025812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157232202622152,0.0,0.0,0.22223921151830556,0.3256618466824584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219862209007736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352280548433478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655122577850341,0.1787620763210798,0.0,0.0,0.1772362880631188,0.10496426068269088,0.14375100507622185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545292069885175,0.0,0.0,0.16070807528023887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302842850320799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735443539507196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111855425490415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684733956883534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21537476202539876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156912981563922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663757811189422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693024901761725,0.12234333052349584,0.0,0.17789640282303182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3303546245912483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173731085856532,0.1845167857555512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937343293117106,0.12614221668633124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723404823869648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10233839162383744 ptsd,throwaway_8675309-69,2019/04/25,"TRIGGER WARNING: Past Sexual Abuse and Attraction TL;DR is what's happening to me normal? I feel so gross about this and do not know what to do to stop it. I'm on a throwaway for obvious reasons, and I don't know if this is the correct sub for this, but I desperately need advice. it's also might not make any sense, because it doesn't to me either. I also see a therapist, and she recommended that I reach out and see if anyone has had a similar issue. when I was younger, a relative and I had ""experimented"" a few times. I guess that's normal sometimes with siblings, but it's more than that. more than 70% of the time, I did not want to. I had been guilted into it, made to feel like that was the only way I could get appreciation from him, and had been forced into it a lot of the times. now I'm in my lower 20's, and that was almost 12-16 years ago, and I get nightmares about that shit. I had successfully blocked it out for a very long time, but I've had a very traumatic event happen recently and a lot of my past redacted memories are flooding back to me. there's more, though. for some reason, in conjunction with the nightmares, I've had sexual thoughts about him with people. It's disgusting and it makes me extremely distressed that it happens to the point where suicidal thoughts happen. to relate that to something that might make more sense, I was also raped by a girl when I was around 15-16, and after that I was solely attracted to people who resembled her, and that appearance isn't even my type. so that's basically it. my therapist told me that it could be a symptom of PTSD given that I've had nightmares about it without knowing what they meant for a while, and then after remembering anything I've had all of these different symptoms along with the thoughts and nightmares.",6.298267605633804,6.0682739464788735,6.822077464788734,77.76635563380285,65.87323943661971,10.14225352112676,32.679577464788736,9.766711354998122,2.9217014084507036,1421,53,280,27,20,466,170,355,0.147,0.794,0.057999999999999996,-0.9873,2,0,1,0,1,0,43.0,0,0,1,1,18,10,3,2,19,0,32,4,1,7,3,71,61,30,1,8,10,0,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,35,25,0,2,12,0,0,1,7,6,0,0,25,4,30,4,45,31,10,32,0,0,2,1,8,10,1,10,21,209,65,2,0.0,0.11514054835022634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496163671135928,0.08614281443593456,0.0,0.0973101598566216,0.0,0.0,0.2331406651420363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660846645232975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06794941749244522,0.0,0.07996956742797133,0.08650940537399349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747242139015263,0.0,0.059239068711026965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15517813712126155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153077556521113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641854362440135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505915123458042,0.0,0.0,0.09827266778909356,0.06942428952861204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015434371560739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705299620545172,0.0,0.34373825746011577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142903276135803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022017043001732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047476472034037064,0.0,0.0,0.08599985217560488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523525143716813,0.0,0.09195257977054064,0.19460206909720448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618191366687735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720565742103906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042845616175427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390857474408938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553561405732566,0.1347425743685865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186502682321522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11359638384693962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998312213617675,0.09595197554409132,0.0,0.11008421694236284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15487725332662036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975226150031932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748127028201996,0.0961119517276148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124551851372164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629742929300162,0.0,0.0,0.2020111946362065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256632936017287,0.0,0.0,0.09547731368731978,0.23144645451678256,0.22666209516894745,0.0,0.0,0.09285815397987073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036476354894616,0.05731835558866845,0.07713571413869066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367653832107428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257972254712317 ptsd,feuerkampf,2019/04/25,"I’m relapsing. After being symptom free for several years now, it’s all back. Currently in a relationship that has turned mentally and emotionally abusive. It started slow, but day by day things worsened until the night terrors started again, as vivid as before. My doctor had represcribed my medication, but due to money constraints caused by the relationship, I can’t afford it. I want to leave, but I can’t afford it due to the same constraints. I’ve begged, and pleaded for things to change, but they’ve only gotten worse. I’m at my wit’s end. I feel like nothing is going to change and I feel like there’s nothing I can do to help it at all. I feel like a failure, like no matter what I do, it’s always going to be the same roller coaster going round and round. I feel like the only sure way to end this cycle is to remove myself from the equation, but even that’s something i could never bring myself to do because suicide is what started it all... any advice is welcome... thanks",3.67984375,5.589859796875,4.7004166666666665,82.73625000000001,73.42708333333334,6.466666666666668,26.583333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.410670833333333,779,28,142,8,16,254,105,192,0.14300000000000002,0.7090000000000001,0.14800000000000002,-0.4497,3,0,1,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,1,8,0,15,3,0,1,5,24,32,12,1,2,5,0,6,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,14,4,0,0,4,1,2,5,4,1,0,0,2,7,15,10,22,27,5,28,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,0,24,95,29,1,0.0,0.14011720245874454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556101710082847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840069839832327,0.0,0.0,0.0804199602234297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909336281425666,0.0,0.07208939598587663,0.0,0.10062942972059992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148424408059473,0.2502040137635029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944199361898726,0.0,0.0,0.15253413546354672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104277388322447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302510205222798,0.209484185558056,0.0,0.0,0.07810874530273677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391805751503231,0.33793610924438183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162740576868174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926630294177822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521887090144304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888760970542579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119133182448954,0.11917693849610272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120838733636026,0.0,0.0,0.11097776365074584,0.0,0.2269447930541882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988211588770786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539311385739068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335986516586822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910413123590373,0.0,0.0,0.2511123151294424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935580587811493,0.0,0.11145740991471116,0.12291605287338615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887670745579574,0.0,0.0,0.15713162945075992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863148910068645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975203566158784,0.09386823868421773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051570187879004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615471508157083 ptsd,ptsdsupport,2019/04/25,"How can I help my partner with her past traumas? So my partner has opened up to me in bits and pieces about her PTSD, but never really told me what caused it. I know some things like what months it gets worse and that one whole month was caused by an ex partner of hers and the other months are caused by years of repeated childhood trauma. I don’t exactly what happened during those times that caused the PTSD. I only know of two triggers, and one of them mildly affects us in the bedroom. One of her peak seasons is getting close, and so I know it’s about to start. I know she’s been getting therapy for it for years, but don’t know the details. What I would like to reach out to you all about is how I can approach the conversation without making her feel attacked? What’s the best response I can have when she’s telling me about what happened to her? What are the best techniques to pull her out of her flashback when she’s having them? How can I help her heal to the point where she doesn’t have these months again? Where else can I learn more about PTSD, and how to love and support my partner through all of this?",5.727174948944862,5.548370097345135,5.130707964601771,89.24182777399594,67.05309734513276,7.838801906058543,29.77399591558884,6.67199483983844,1.303123621511232,886,28,191,5,13,267,113,226,0.057,0.799,0.14400000000000002,0.972,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,1,2,2,16,9,1,0,9,0,19,2,0,11,4,39,35,17,0,1,3,1,1,2,4,1,1,0,1,4,18,12,0,0,7,0,0,2,5,3,0,4,3,1,34,6,32,31,9,28,0,0,0,1,28,10,0,1,18,145,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323290737184013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273563469126771,0.0,0.11826052322058395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451097227464975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048986168553258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477129992104145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978269268393634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915791197822108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521307842253176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976570937932337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058421694443008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776562315024652,0.0,0.0723063596526692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458491388237123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354527845707553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202071488768534,0.08238442702569003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340644038866903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240012914246437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798709295027596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939440696217798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667148787578945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292351392957575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467896655283614,0.0,0.12387664705112668,0.0,0.07196490432653678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06316393904088073,0.0,0.0,0.10350714834893686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058157081396814,0.0,0.13029908018872674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093862058345647,0.0,0.10441938519385374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039026306629583,0.0769494618787792,0.0,0.0,0.13951275892743964 ptsd,ddlaney,2019/04/25,"Vocalizing your needs to deal with trauma with the people in your life? I don’t know if my title even made sense. But I find myself struggling with people that I’m close with not understanding my trauma. Because of what I’ve been through, being touched makes me anxious and it’s debilitating. Many of the people I know understand this, but some people just ignore it when I tell them. It’s especially when people touch me when I’m not looking or not warned about it. Even if it’s just a hug or rubbing my shoulder. I just feel kind of ridiculous saying that people need to ask before they hug me or touch me. I know getting frustrated won’t help, but if anyone has advice about how to approach someone with this and really get through to them any advice would help.",5.397382550335572,6.4037319932885906,5.663953020134226,80.99337919463088,67.99328859060402,7.839194630872482,27.651677852349,7.908726449838941,1.6554075167785238,613,19,115,7,10,195,86,149,0.11800000000000001,0.77,0.111,0.2219,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,3,0,11,9,2,1,3,0,6,4,1,3,0,38,22,15,0,6,15,0,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,10,8,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,7,19,3,17,17,1,6,0,0,1,2,11,2,0,7,3,79,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760063952064213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603767724087246,0.0,0.0,0.15954377684551765,0.0,0.09874763340206068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202608341093516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608930077739606,0.0,0.12017186610873805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559652281996452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18655523952592756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140748022864835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907686896249745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475682128958356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893199548184273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470638516706863,0.2328402985205589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975122204648564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859322711795417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336302792965758,0.09426862160925203,0.14317973701524594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20943273502314105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5874447859193973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047219529706353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11230759473607722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196592779127472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763877870293632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234366619367604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29403990420402737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003220150997938,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LlamaCamper,2019/04/25,"Need help with a possible ""credible threat"" from a depressed/wayward vet Keeping identifying details vague: I came to learn today that a person I know confided that if he learns that his son is not his he will ""do something stupid"" (he may be doing a paternity test soon to establish visitation rights). He went on to describe that he would kill everyone around him and then himself. When challenged about killing innocent people, he then said he'd kill a bunch of cops instead. I know for a fact that this person is armed with at least two guns. I also know, however, that he is basically the definition of a shit-talking liar, but that's not really putting me off being worried. He has never been violent outside of boyhood fights. He's basically a fuck-up with depression and drinking and smoking pot piled on (not to mention an estranged ""baby-mama"" who took his kid). My main problem is that, as far as I know, he has only made these statements to one person. So if I call to have him committed, I'm essentially putting a target on my family once he gets free. He knows exactly where I live and the layout and security of my house because he's been here in the past. Perhaps I need a more specific subreddit, but I'm looking to get this person actual help and/or notify authorities to surveil him without exposing my family. No one in his orbit had the money or time to devote to helping him directly (not to mention many burned bridges). Any helpful pointers would be very appreciated. As far as I know, he is currently in Tennessee.",8.102675893886968,7.5053858650519025,8.623653979238759,67.55130565167246,62.32179930795847,12.135732410611306,39.681891580161476,11.4731,4.738047566320646,1221,59,212,32,15,409,177,289,0.102,0.772,0.126,0.9048,2,0,2,1,1,0,41.0,0,0,0,1,9,14,8,0,15,0,21,2,1,1,4,41,40,19,3,7,10,1,0,0,0,4,0,1,0,5,12,10,1,2,9,1,2,6,7,10,0,3,8,2,24,5,35,24,4,28,0,1,1,0,41,13,0,4,9,138,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.104181664671681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853753638754542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07259997662990153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503840041745916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507947093355522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090131692386364,0.12210418423420633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195161813853588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458345834990566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201307455314026,0.0,0.0,0.2012863103922586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869724126660394,0.11155464308745784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862340008686152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318588433454422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489256028167738,0.3543400027091854,0.0,0.35203267544037714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942704070403417,0.0,0.08965091373080215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101821943950302,0.0,0.10823716128734508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832131831011648,0.08233934424580297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369515725126535,0.14468571271863362,0.08119524912286681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191382026179158,0.07401344790638599,0.3728723688058896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203550561066853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215422025930776,0.0,0.21464514268635612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839273348676242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117184845073972,0.10155253032022188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958687474534896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218851552846232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580907155651896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062252199246425825,0.0,0.10119532179006993,0.0,0.11861349691951513,0.0,0.0,0.10428831144064188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808759316474046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09896692935786178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291214371652704,0.0,0.0,0.10841923897098772,0.0,0.15167746994634607,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,apcstyx,2019/05/21,"I have a really hard time recognizing triggers, and it’s debilitating tw: general negativity, light trauma talk, symptoms Hello, 18 yr old here, with a long history of struggling with PTSD. This is in part a ramble, I’m not feeling too great today. I recently moved from my home town, where a good deal of trauma took place. I’m trying to, I guess, rebuild myself as a person, and mend some of myself before things get to be too much. Some part of me really thought recovery would be easy. In part, it was because my family and friends expected change to be rapid, constant, upward, and successful. Yet, I feel like my symptoms are starting to get worse. Panic, dissociation, paranoia and flashbacks often hit me without warning often. I have a hard time leaving the house, or even getting things done while I’m isolated. It gets somewhat easier when there’s people around- but it’s unrealistic to always have someone whom I feel safe around. I often don’t have someone to call or text when these sudden breaking points happen. Every instance I’ve tried to work something out with either a doctor, professor, or friend, the dialogue teeters off. I don’t know what’s triggering them. It’s getting overwhelming, and I’m kind of afraid of what my future holds. I’m trying my best to be positive. I am in therapy, but it is far from regular due to the lack of availability in my town. I take my meds. I do my best. I can’t really do much but lay down right now. Trying super hard not to be disappointed in myself. Because, you know, I have a life to live.",4.012508474576272,6.0881981152542375,5.332000000000002,77.85189830508476,72.9322033898305,8.245423728813561,28.071186440677966,8.954980946260402,2.4861972881355934,1224,48,219,26,25,408,171,295,0.086,0.7609999999999999,0.153,0.9826,0,0,1,0,1,0,48.0,0,1,1,5,15,18,0,4,11,0,22,4,0,2,0,43,44,16,0,3,10,0,6,1,2,1,4,0,1,1,13,12,0,2,6,0,0,2,7,7,0,0,4,7,28,11,35,33,12,36,0,2,0,0,10,17,0,10,17,150,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084701888245914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729905249465104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845876814619342,0.0,0.08267816730141282,0.0,0.2039321877860048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921381930798004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278508666331614,0.0,0.0,0.10499819080841152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017031491647696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994499793701569,0.0,0.09943101508368524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417494295429874,0.0,0.0818636326357272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159619781675717,0.0,0.14738490267533333,0.06941293977038189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501350786146461,0.0,0.25381709108046496,0.0,0.0,0.0814953307968057,0.0,0.10712204611149664,0.1070354947569962,0.0,0.08592051544157897,0.0,0.2611156602140017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746195226909994,0.0,0.0,0.1121125287432665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117983623069532,0.10679598466735132,0.0,0.0,0.1028811033355601,0.0,0.0,0.06862877719995761,0.04746871039206902,0.0,0.08579630512086177,0.08598579257864468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10792568098150106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326840597837712,0.1428512967943023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195574384661164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399930877525555,0.0,0.3156526952950411,0.0,0.06736027305902978,0.08483858437016845,0.10151417691129032,0.0,0.09185000836423884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357781265951752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18673443812867974,0.0,0.09593628893452677,0.0,0.0,0.08297628040117858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646510138984519,0.0748004721427909,0.0,0.0,0.06877214766880146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015753856625021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019781690448109,0.07305413992648284,0.07809557120348969,0.0,0.0,0.11111383513931013,0.0,0.12910095172102587,0.0,0.0,0.07713620557744798,0.11331251977527627,0.0,0.09209872936465854,0.0,0.1079511597823502,0.263867953741484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936612237090127,0.0,0.0707354881345771,0.0,0.09901693162772693,0.06902148245688683,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ScaredDependent,2019/05/21,"Useless Yesterday, I suffered a pretty bad PTSD episode and anxiety attack. I had a feeling during the attack. I could off myself and leave my friends in a much better place without constantly having to deal with my whining.",6.549416666666668,8.586475775,6.720000000000002,70.63166666666669,66.25,8.333333333333334,38.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,4.004333333333333,181,10,25,3,3,58,33,40,0.385,0.414,0.201,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,6,2,5,2,1,5,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528830842480334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5510926905240029,0.0,0.0,0.20223340075040144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2142131213518489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617405920852449,0.0,0.1933832242398556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24970561238950134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224675441029203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871291498777623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564630942124339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780506059923957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25305560567505353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464124136964185,0.0,0.0,0.28312796348551555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23347968150953735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,burritogirl88,2019/05/21,"Just diagnosed. Wtf do I do now? I had a very abusive childhood, my mom was kind of psycho. I don't blame her, we are super close now. I also got into drugs heavily in my teens, was a poor judge of character and put myself in terrible situations. Been raped x amount of times, beat up, also seen some shit. Went to rehab twice, parents moved me out of country after the 2nd stint and I've been clean for almost 20yrs. Tried to live life normally, went to school, worked, opened a business, had a family, bla bla. Occasionally I get debilitating nightmares of shit that happened to me, happening to my daughter. Or happening to me again. I lost a chunk of my memory when I overdosed, but little spurts of it come back from time to time. I just shut it out. The worst part is, my memory is SHIT. I can't remember what I did yesterday or even an hour ago. I have to constantly take notes and reading them is like seeing it for the first time. Every. Damn. Time. Psychiatrist diagnosed me with PTSD last week and said I need therapy to help with my memory loss. The first time I ever had sex was rape. I have talked about the bad things before, but I disassociate myself with the stories. The psych asked me how I felt when it happened. No one ever asked me that before and I actually sat back and thought about it for the first time in my life. It fucking hurt, man. Now I'm terrified to get therapy. I don't want to remember any of this shit and I'm scared it will affect my relationship and my attention to my kids, my job. Not to mention that in Canada it's $200/hr and my benefits can cover about 1 session a month. For anyone who's been through it, what should I be expecting?",2.075755761204867,4.302384227544914,3.831524224278717,85.61945472690985,79.47904191616766,7.521538740700418,22.696062420613323,8.484438967287268,1.4946918163672658,1308,42,269,29,33,438,187,334,0.19699999999999998,0.759,0.045,-0.9954,2,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,1,0,1,8,19,19,8,1,15,0,25,14,4,2,2,42,50,18,0,5,7,3,1,1,0,2,6,1,1,2,17,19,0,0,5,1,1,5,5,15,0,5,19,4,42,4,42,28,4,46,0,3,2,4,16,12,6,4,30,180,59,6,0.0,0.1031376415879798,0.08494628770123576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716279666871853,0.0,0.08716599437787484,0.0,0.0,0.1392245026073839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059195622582358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086598307775075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275625211173908,0.0,0.0,0.13386907222079433,0.07268144103036725,0.0,0.0,0.14814286716553438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498414117691576,0.0,0.09406795978462706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17670376808184446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094803996087326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05749438067957732,0.15747979274410434,0.0733416913502109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820611039705762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357972753137974,0.0,0.0,0.2221289439107577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047447003628243,0.09095797073294128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962023473907644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079050230867556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0583464371208843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572474201004993,0.0,0.09318668055877104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638170474075077,0.0,0.0,0.09064709298592714,0.0,0.0709557352401213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296914840168015,0.042527254096568094,0.08724496076232513,0.07686497564996392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502317096365888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194956136525564,0.06948088027227807,0.09251824422691196,0.0,0.06454498637928646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528855447180404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05898597520776727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665649861104696,0.09426449737946133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175444959024467,0.0875072792403952,0.0,0.0,0.08707155286433432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934569713735701,0.19721682194806936,0.0,0.08280257840528557,0.0,0.08715023008244746,0.08809721966826503,0.06936598302078661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574140697303756,0.0,0.09784559516691912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544926006624467,0.06996588221917084,0.0,0.0,0.19909394047507653,0.0,0.057830820898666625,0.0,0.0,0.06910638581800033,0.35530870722027125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059099875602373876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182371346688059,0.05134316363627813,0.0,0.06982465209016407,0.0,0.0,0.1613887295933367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337197814513494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mrs_assclown_phd,2019/05/21,"I don’t know what to do Hey all. I work part time as a nanny, and recently I’ve had some personal issues in my life that has caused my symptoms to flare up more than usual. I’m overwhelmed, and expressed my frustration to my therapist today. She suggested that I take time off of work, even for just a few days. I’m supposed to go back to work tomorrow, and I can afford to not go for a few days, it’s just different working for someone rather than a company who can cover my absence. I know she would make me feel like shit if I said I had to take time off, because she always does, so I’m thinking about just continuing to work. I don’t know if I should try and follow my therapist’s advice or not. I just wanted to see what other people would do. Thanks.",4.117594936708862,4.357417468354433,5.508708860759494,83.7093924050633,70.51898734177216,8.851645569620256,27.8253164556962,8.841846274778883,1.922709367088608,592,19,127,10,10,200,91,158,0.046,0.9079999999999999,0.046,-0.2732,2,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,5,9,5,2,1,4,0,12,3,1,2,1,27,30,9,0,7,10,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,3,0,0,3,3,20,2,21,24,6,18,0,1,1,0,9,4,1,4,12,87,27,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471762071962412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147126279946562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600773802536737,0.0,0.0840396887287564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416227437941308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781979013082375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403694994788602,0.0,0.0,0.12064438602478594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105686838493893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970741261841096,0.09848898386063899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567008498106656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14389261220334928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22729684216829296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737634729751236,0.06735264443712108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202427648257276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929163215254815,0.0,0.09557648571152744,0.12037620066854302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612256797908884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113878947237498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985854811649932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415138554485054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11681043263781983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329190419726226,0.20731085679337008,0.0,0.0,0.12692524995201174,0.0,0.3201379320175757,0.0,0.08833671108135471,0.0,0.0,0.24116616372119384,0.0,0.13067751200261993,0.0,0.0,0.09359957496164792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15183604558424488,0.0,0.08131486309505769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5018276399405159,0.0,0.0,0.19586710184645745,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,InterestingTiger3,2019/05/21,"Help I have not seen War first hand but have had terrible things happen to me. The police in my area won't do anything about it,A while back I had someone pull A gun on me and I will remember the Type of the gun till the day I die, It was a .357 magnum 5 shot revolver with pearl grips and loaded with jacketed hollow points. And the bad thing is I can't afford to move and we have had several B and Es In our area and I fear for my life on a daily...If ANYONE has some type of help I would be so thankfull.",0.14590909090908966,1.8727809285714296,2.2880519480519474,96.7933116883117,83.46428571428572,5.501298701298702,17.324675324675322,6.574015621080383,-0.3579571428571424,392,8,96,4,11,132,77,112,0.20600000000000002,0.715,0.08,-0.9594,1,0,0,3,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,1,3,4,1,1,8,0,15,2,1,0,0,14,17,10,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,5,3,13,0,13,8,1,14,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,1,5,65,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716895437099139,0.0,0.20206116621844653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880759633092448,0.20501835040998906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15835507756347078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548351185298657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763044119143562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885895589159234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21713307765121664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3291649180655604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734344531370818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609736068153207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23211772992653576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781526269684185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27739397193281623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804799181211187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32625603827932914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744268738716249,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MissNixit,2019/05/21,"[TW: Death] I have thanatophobia It's gotten a lot stronger over the last decade. A few weeks ago, I was watching Ned Kelly. There's a kinda graphic death scene in there that was a little too realistic for me, and it ended with me gasping for air like a fish gulping water and clutching at my chest. I nearly threw up. That was the most severe reaction I've had, and I think it's getting worse. Lately it's been everywhere. I'm 32 now. I'm aging. Not a lot, but enough to notice. Every grey hair, every patch of less-than-taut skin makes me feel like the grim reaper is looking over my shoulder. Hell used to scare me, but I think the nothingness scares me even more. I have friends who say they want to die one day and I don't understand it. Death is the most terrifying, worse than any boogeyman kind of thing I can think of, but the difference between that and some of my more unrealistic fears is that I know death is real, and inevitable. It's waiting for me, and I don't know when or how. I'm running out of ways to cope with it. It's in my dreams, it's there when I wake up, and I can't rationalise it away. I'm going back to therapy. I have to get over it somehow, or I'm going to spend my entire life in fear of something that's going to destroy me before it even gets a chance to lay its fingers on me, and my last moments are going to be horrific. I don't know how ""normal"" people do it. They flirt with death every day, crossing busy roads and making poor life decisions. I envy their ability to be oblivious to it. Has anyone dealt with this before? Did you get over it?",2.653433223218503,4.078297236196317,3.995705521472392,88.74772534214253,75.10429447852759,6.8558754129306285,23.581406323737607,7.468242284971852,0.8859092968381312,1233,36,265,15,26,406,171,326,0.212,0.7120000000000001,0.076,-0.9956,0,0,1,0,0,1,45.0,0,1,3,0,13,12,2,4,13,0,23,10,6,5,0,46,52,19,7,2,6,0,4,2,1,0,2,1,0,0,24,15,2,1,9,1,2,7,6,7,0,1,8,8,33,5,41,42,9,39,1,1,3,0,7,17,1,9,16,174,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101448427228933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774935013307791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968018469731535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706474121165403,0.08762457994135563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939351082567915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469834627708485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826759436282112,0.11905901842936566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093055857786187,0.1177462713259718,0.0,0.1505327816936584,0.0,0.2880367267871091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564627536225169,0.05761921594841845,0.08140967820268269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804157032813105,0.0,0.23814773182701024,0.0,0.2590536577212368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866689316702488,0.1878805329496536,0.1857775329791191,0.1285465247533669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097997536984066,0.11134559206102378,0.1142131324581078,0.0,0.0,0.0956937388274873,0.0,0.0,0.193761416048706,0.0,0.0,0.15213207491066388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165198406800332,0.0,0.12973884699107072,0.0,0.0,0.07721905014008104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900224614489454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970606204494248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062181627225843,0.2281782394120679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128737035697838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877283455606023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031779942587793,0.0,0.07570682764651739,0.2190538354865848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863147028528627,0.0,0.09842077807075664,0.0,0.0,0.06721377943172632,0.09045240086147226,0.09140805575855096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23226034128783116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wctwct,2019/05/21,"Suffering from a lot of ptsd... Hi, suffering from childhood abuse includes incest, I try to rebuild my life and I find it’s very difficult to get the right specialists and support, my holistic trauma experience make people don’t really understand my situation and I feel very isolated and helpless. My depression keeps comes back and I find it hard to move on with my life after 5 years of therapists, they don’t deal with my pain from my emotion and body, I only learned what’s wrong with my brain but I do need more tools to reset my traumatized mindset. I am looking for professionals/ organizations/ methods/ supporting groups which are specialized in developmental trauma healing and/ or mind reconstructing, based in Paris and speak English. Please let me know if you have any recommendations. Thank you for caring and perhaps save my life.",6.080567888487352,8.807133577181213,6.382013422818794,69.72100154878679,68.93288590604028,9.953742901393909,32.93804852865256,10.214889679676881,4.0320403717088285,689,32,109,20,13,221,105,149,0.17600000000000002,0.701,0.12300000000000001,-0.4451,0,0,1,0,1,0,18.0,0,2,1,0,1,15,0,0,2,0,7,8,2,1,0,29,20,12,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,13,0,1,7,0,0,2,2,9,0,0,0,4,21,6,18,19,2,10,0,4,1,1,7,4,0,3,4,67,25,2,0.0,0.17280886070921658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991832655849895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112149945929011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200690197772485,0.0,0.1628172691560592,0.0,0.0,0.14870419146768993,0.0,0.0,0.12563719519403913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15036534624723016,0.12562072587565667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406205610721664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266966642252113,0.0,0.0,0.07374633872609655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666092255246211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762008082246751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065330013650633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963852669590034,0.0,0.0,0.08015555918791828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914190388041884,0.30905532806201275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247759295885037,0.0,0.0,0.12399678462101847,0.0,0.0,0.09735626685296522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472673150862664,0.0,0.0,0.15501588104505418,0.0,0.10814621498962347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109257927043992,0.15519509655290584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011142950910592,0.0,0.0,0.1600999284943792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17049129915176311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934354935688381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455543484348355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394194753606947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3310185848691164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427944208882195,0.0,0.16934354243557634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09902283990264256,0.0,0.0,0.1518353980912459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406836903581744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946450381833704,0.0,0.09392286828418572 ptsd,kitachips,2019/05/21,"first post. not sure how to say what I feel. i used to be a crazy teenager. partying and all that junk. about 5 years later and its biting me in the ass. hard. i slept around a lot and i didnt realize it till way later but i was using sex as a vice of my trauma from the earlier years/how shitty and worthless i was feeling. now, i have people that wouldn't have talked to me otherwise ""the cool kids"" trying to hang out but only when i get there i realize they think im a quick easy fuck. i decided at one point to stop having sex but now i do, but with way more caution of who i allow myself to open up to. only to be gaslighted and called names just because i have feelings that dont correlate to how i felt when i was younger. i dont want to feel like that is all i am, and i know it isnt. but when my morals are questioned, its so easy to slip into some really, really bad feelings. if anyone has any advice, any at all, it would mean a lot. thanks",-0.13235630965005285,1.9037001121951285,2.1612089077412517,95.4428950159067,86.90243902439026,5.321314952279958,17.205726405090143,6.7026698264267655,-0.18732449628844167,733,17,171,9,23,248,121,205,0.165,0.7240000000000001,0.111,-0.889,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,13,8,1,0,8,1,20,5,2,5,4,49,36,20,0,4,8,0,7,1,0,2,0,1,0,1,11,11,0,1,13,0,0,1,6,4,0,2,6,9,24,4,25,26,7,25,1,1,0,4,8,9,2,5,13,121,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14212801472812686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781634980069845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169912971791337,0.0,0.0,0.12947765505020686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214412209524332,0.08866244856154858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851648870993642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34092293817857044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.367708994353028,0.10390655412357702,0.13965083815607948,0.0,0.0,0.12371617740364745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344623573523107,0.07598946075208451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029092543979634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710649148419747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993324297837752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105750227329387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24730574433178815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584331845384439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855788144470444,0.2212362668451407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10083384858126282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374933535003812,0.0,0.13929693252111922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293265424826398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18635268934330626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11566438862253092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159925472863345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137081005302119,0.0,0.0,0.11690387588986018,0.0,0.13390701007179304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931958366436335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874819416817136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25123705508411265,0.0,0.0,0.08578773881141195,0.23089631339214264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332056856142824,0.0,0.0,0.09366236762424793 ptsd,remisathrowaway,2019/05/21,"""Is it okay if I use my coping mechanism?"" Obligatory throwaway account, gf (16f) knows my main. I (17m) am not gonna go into my trauma here, but I do believe I have ptsd from it. I haven't had it diagnosed but I had nightmares about the even every night for a year (and still get them sometimes), get anxiety attacks when near people or places that remind me of my attacker, and get flashbacks of the event (or as my gf and I call them, SOS, because I don't like asking for help but I need her). I have used age regression as a coping mechanism since before the event. I used to use it to deal with another form of potential trauma thats been going on since I was a kid. Since the event, I have used it more frequently and my ""little self"" and I have become more disconnected from each other. I realized tonight that when I'm asking my gf if she's willing to be my caregiver tonight so I can regress, what I'm really doing is asking her if I'm allowed to use my coping mechanism. I don't want to force little me on her and make her or little me uncomfortable, but doesn't it seem unfair that I can't use a coping mechanism sometimes because she doesn't always wanna deal with it? I don't know how to handle this, please help. Thanks in advance.",4.550137795275589,4.859426484251973,5.8390452755905535,81.47463090551183,69.59055118110236,9.027165354330707,28.4734251968504,9.017664075816787,2.146465354330709,973,32,199,17,16,328,130,254,0.09699999999999999,0.825,0.078,-0.575,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,2,1,8,7,2,0,8,1,23,1,0,10,0,38,49,22,0,6,11,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,2,14,10,0,0,4,0,1,3,8,4,0,0,4,0,39,3,24,42,5,24,0,0,0,0,21,9,0,7,13,137,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286051131469342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044208003348818,0.0761802424093351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27928822702386674,0.2265786498405493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140897999681124,0.10998090665936502,0.0847372644267431,0.11219523274101413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168473632027099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053301068429123,0.0,0.10107401191595623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577321786614686,0.0,0.0839024438011319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608303859351194,0.0,0.11318991436028815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334959303884991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945573526660778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04865091711364658,0.29942309548081725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647200692730977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383906742037978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934513107156838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903787851576007,0.0,0.10404238425648064,0.10931154100241716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640646446908075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06379501778909108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065605189042501,0.10388613264746156,0.0,0.0,0.2471267028147026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196979025475132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952661133076237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916820693032932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6020503765411246,0.0,0.0,0.0587362634029677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412778296694767 ptsd,IsmellButt,2019/05/21,"I did it My first post about my ptsd, go easy on me. I'm not ready to talk about the specifics of my ptsd but today I conquered a huge fear and trigger! 11 years ago I witnessed a medical incident in a grocery store involving my husband. We moved to a different city about 9 months later. Well, a few days ago they opened the same store in the city I live in and I went there with my husband today! I cried on the way there, was anxious and my mind was playing through all the ""what if's"" but I did it! It was freeing, I can't believe I did it, I actually did it!! I wouldn't have been able to without my absolutely amazing therapist I've been seeing for over a year! Today was a good day, I'm exhausted but so thankful!",1.3680227057710503,3.184195589403973,3.2296736045411545,91.11796357615896,79.86092715231787,6.433491012298959,26.017502365184484,7.447530270364453,1.222146263008515,558,23,125,8,14,187,90,151,0.124,0.72,0.156,0.7157,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,1,2,7,8,0,1,12,0,13,2,0,1,1,17,19,8,0,2,6,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,0,1,3,3,4,2,1,1,11,1,21,7,17,7,3,25,0,0,1,0,6,8,0,1,12,85,27,0,0.1542448743827858,0.0,0.15052074730697462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734575490743353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425280399458185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737811536565032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16943075172817132,0.19895036723362824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115306438198473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356836630830424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120061135396702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876609166862622,0.1293732825337828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620104997709825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15538548355685633,0.0,0.0,0.15574335285559154,0.0,0.1231167871504005,0.16393789107703868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477239524373173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606080079214737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291319473187318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397618733688535,0.0,0.1420079568792359,0.0,0.17909018758106876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4386183166053261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243240177712254,0.0,0.0,0.13868466613484995,0.14298654386611231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868655466382727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19865728397132054 ptsd,lambosambo,2019/05/21,"Panic attack Hi yall. My dad took his own life 6 years ago. I believe I have PTSD but get unconvinced when google says that dreams and flashbacks are part of it. (I do get dreams about my dad a lot, and hard memories that make me cry flood my mind a lot, but not what I would describe as flashbacks ) But today, my grandma choked on food. At first I was just mildly freaked out until she turned completely red, including her eyes and I thought I was going to have to call 911. After she calmed down a little and everythig was ok, I started uncontrollably crying and for the first time ever, I hyperventilated like CRAZY for about two minutes until my mom talked me down. My mom is convinced it was PTSD because my grandma is like a mother figure to me more than a grandma. Could this be related or a sign that I do have PTSD?",4.6746123814835485,5.541548865030677,5.1743669827105405,84.35773563859456,69.5521472392638,7.890462911321808,27.701617401003904,8.00094639256281,1.5952380368098158,647,21,131,8,11,207,106,163,0.17300000000000001,0.7,0.127,-0.82,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,2,5,9,1,2,7,1,15,3,1,1,1,22,23,13,0,2,6,5,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,7,6,1,0,2,2,0,2,1,4,0,3,6,4,25,5,18,14,5,20,0,0,2,0,14,6,0,3,14,93,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084625175447734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509240275484534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831040807991901,0.0,0.0,0.15359459715810253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13920579092956858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293696569815975,0.0,0.0,0.10884654946637123,0.0,0.2994990827293211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331618021766165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23192048877338345,0.1648479567555949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245115917014822,0.0,0.07747815514880245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212281265426148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629226328837463,0.13320562439033345,0.1366361374621822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23180181567832184,0.0,0.0,0.09099977670048068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376520815898705,0.3193306331780167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995114444915984,0.0,0.14762957893730316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.478079244008505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841323303859643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649342477626577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109575015187464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822894009736783,0.07949375927447533,0.0,0.1292226884746526,0.0,0.1514650548087266,0.0,0.14828535483412675,0.13317232202491028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684326360541046,0.0,0.0,0.08779054823289212 ptsd,kelannew,2019/05/21,"How do you get to the point of enjoying things that trigger you again? Can it ever get better? I have ptsd due to gun violence at my old place of work. I’ve done 9 months of therapy and medication. But I used to love going to concerts and out hunting but now it becomes a huge trigger. How the heck do you get back to doing these things. I feel like a failure when I try, and I feel like I’m letting my family and friends down every time I try, but just end up in a panic. Help?",1.2757843137254916,2.8597793235294127,3.4064705882352966,90.82578431372549,79.29411764705881,6.494117647058824,23.098039215686285,7.3871296695380915,0.8014039215686273,369,12,84,5,9,126,68,102,0.114,0.675,0.21100000000000002,0.8831,0,0,0,1,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,2,8,7,0,1,5,0,7,2,0,5,1,17,16,10,0,0,4,0,2,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,11,6,13,14,0,19,0,0,0,1,6,8,1,0,12,57,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390938782274213,0.0,0.0,0.19977970366234188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998323423113114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511411729808727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021557916340912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362610685088094,0.15240832130118756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052777035856798,0.0,0.18292767193982887,0.2584568821679036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13975580220034034,0.0,0.28352396924229645,0.0,0.1028044241283707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124730656997182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18497312366142207,0.0,0.1767482392915488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632610314562823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822284748874232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438533022454292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898144910795765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21223640730975613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889924108323696,0.0,0.1710002981248638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114516935929772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20686442247529188,0.0,0.2403516518469292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547889438405246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24562599154296466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623159311216084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169067455120514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Tulseraflew,2019/05/21,"Similar episodes? Self harm? What therapy helped? First time coming here for this so bare with me for the length. Actually leaving a lot out. I’m 29 (female) last diagnosis was bipolar unspecified/ptsd with borderline traits. Long history of transient housing, parental DV during childhood, neglect/physical abuse, parentification (oldest of six to two opiate addicts), foster care, blah blah blah. Currently have two young sons and married. Working full time in child welfare. Self harm started at 11. You name it, I did it. Started with belts on the neck,turned into scraping (not cutting, more of a carving until about 18), then the punching began. I initially would just punch things; walls, side walks, mirrors (you get it). I’d say around 20 is when my head and body started taking the blows. Now this isn’t like an every day, every week, or even every month thing. It varies depending on my current finances, stress, relationship issues, medications, health, etc. Some years more frequent than others. Aging out of foster care wasn’t easy to do and I’ve been on my own since 19 while I was in college. ****I have never been hospitalized, not sure how, I guess I never rose to the level of “suicidal” since my self harm is more of a coping mechanism. Parent pretty much ignored it**** These episodes (attacks is what they feel like) have slowed down significantly with age. I also have a wonderfully supportive husband who recognizes my symptoms pretty fast and has learned how to prevent me from getting worked up. He’s got these crazy things called “loving parents” and is legitimately perfect for someone with my emotional regulation problems. LOL. But he’s not a pro and I can be a bitch sometimes. I went 18 months without an episode which ended about six months ago when I hit myself in the head. I was actively engaged in psychotherapy at the time and taking Lithium, Lamictal and Effexor. I’ve taken about 12 different meds in the last 5 years. Every time, gaining a new symptom. The last/final symptom I dealt with was the night sweats. You know, waking up drenched in sweat following a nightmare, but shivering and unable to move. Had this a while back but it had intensified bad around January. Had to sleep butt naked with a sheet. Also was dealing with bad mood swings and depressive episodes here and there. On top of it, the therapist I was seeing had started disclosing way too much to me about his personal life (deceased wife/life stories) and I began feeling drained even going to the sessions. Was getting nowhere. So, I had enough of the shit. I woke up and quit all my meds cold turkey like a dumb ass. Oh boy, was starting my last semester of grad school while withdrawing from my meds fun! Oh that wasn’t enough, I also decided to quit the therapist. Ghosted him. Never went back. Once I started to feel like the effects were gone, I went through the process of getting my medical marijuana card. Shit has actually been pretty good since then. Nightmares have subsided. Sleeping GREAT. Eating meals like a real human. Being productive but not over-productive like usual. So much more patience with my kids and husband. Just being nicer to myself. Clearly, I’ve been in treatment before. Multiple times. I also have an MSW, so have learned a good deal about clinical work and done quite a few papers about self awareness and my own history/mental health. Even a research paper on PTSD and cannabis for treatment. My question to anyone who feels they have similar challenges: What type of therapies are really working for you guys? I’m looking to get back in but I don’t just wanna waste my time anymore. I know of most of them, but what actually has been the best for you? I really have had a light heart recently and have been doing well. Just had an overwhelming afternoon, then spilled my drink all over my work lap top and fried it (work from home all but one day a week and wasn’t planning to drive to the city until Friday, now I’ll have to go get it fixed. So I took it out on my fridge. First time in a long timeS I know I need to take care of myself before I get any further in my career. So please please please any advice from you lovely folks is appreciated. Thanks Xoxoxoxo",3.694590129853516,6.5107155686528575,4.099834964498179,82.64433346126782,77.25129533678756,6.9211539691677855,27.6655792234376,8.045849151850463,2.117783291754622,3337,140,580,60,81,1045,387,772,0.073,0.777,0.15,0.9964,8,0,1,0,1,0,124.0,0,6,3,19,39,40,6,2,40,1,56,30,13,4,9,90,108,50,2,4,17,6,4,9,0,1,12,1,1,10,27,36,3,2,13,1,1,12,13,16,1,7,37,9,62,23,91,66,21,116,0,2,2,4,41,36,6,8,73,376,89,19,0.0,0.058574560816623975,0.14472964725079668,0.053893442988217966,0.0,0.0483090991357497,0.043822767872747255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813846369919046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723748074209117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04902805232280583,0.03456738172949287,0.0,0.0,0.08801852169186747,0.0,0.05624153224512735,0.0,0.11404161455795513,0.0825553778877426,0.0,0.0,0.08413420404745757,0.0,0.05188090417051058,0.0,0.0,0.054913174554023135,0.0,0.0,0.05048053186492522,0.0,0.15121243212408744,0.0,0.0,0.04258545250816997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376533243269215,0.10193440408465536,0.042579870137640814,0.0,0.0,0.05165096634778851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050591042259070816,0.0,0.048429273624909536,0.0,0.050586220076343016,0.0,0.05560978090887908,0.04378635867606672,0.10216292353264196,0.055135134650093454,0.0979576819639782,0.0,0.16661064939020928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998698874553044,0.0706353639514624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410188646230407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18080092653350013,0.0,0.0561921807089705,0.08293053673017663,0.039539149926295564,0.054504280753280586,0.054460242952505615,0.04895023518099772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147290235435218,0.10509807925851873,0.0,0.058582882816120875,0.03313646576507398,0.0,0.04958917236988576,0.0,0.0,0.05704346550870663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051599207517929374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08150756837076029,0.16119046218699415,0.0,0.05234646596063135,0.0,0.0,0.034918695787116635,0.14491403098364608,0.0,0.0,0.08750007957506371,0.04151448709284429,0.0,0.0,0.04202942587574332,0.08923734031979863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473952366206945,0.09960481251670487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118380020653161,0.052543527655649895,0.10902527727592458,0.03665678380726424,0.11438619535512455,0.04774639948262284,0.0,0.04639311699195181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052648611618164316,0.033499676150612216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468125125932295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043166334000095966,0.0,0.1628003846534996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088509009977333,0.0,0.04730437071917458,0.11557801989880907,0.0,0.05538056491949672,0.15774646534511394,0.0,0.0562699368276926,0.06334099973829978,0.0,0.04881290655214726,0.05307665532364335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03931415229524023,0.0,0.05003271232290495,0.03939475373392195,0.0,0.20629358620418967,0.0,0.10149239328049016,0.12268397251697033,0.0,0.0989450674641528,0.0,0.04188766651494343,0.0,0.048894289998945725,0.0,0.20994986077720976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05662972293120778,0.0,0.0,0.05407586923969577,0.05610033001570143,0.04659362819804283,0.15415138943752574,0.11151103336650513,0.0,0.0,0.045514791977530514,0.11307064952256785,0.11479994237085064,0.09853090153068876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306161099374479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05492613830672529,0.0,0.053773076032398635,0.09658520095483504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054447685012009785,0.0,0.0,0.03924065538759938,0.079310487759526,0.0,0.044449648233224615,0.1374853129924242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047655340968921,0.053612134433121454,0.21594361073879276,0.0,0.0,0.035118506361633495,0.0,0.0,0.06367139668423707 ptsd,scootmcdoot,2019/05/21,"Boyfriend is REALLY angry over flashbacks and panic attack Im sorry this is probably barely going to be ebglish because I really cant tell what's real or not right now It's been months since ive had any flashbacks but he knows about my triggers and getting angry when i'm too tired/sick for sex is basically #1 and he got really upset when i ouldnt provide tonight and i tried to wrap myself in a blanket and go to a dark room and snuggle my dog but he just got SO ANGRY about that and now is telling me i have to leave because i cant handle the relationship I called the suicide prevention hotline but they couldnt understand a word i was saying over the sobbing i can't stop right now because all i can see is flashback He has ptsd from his childhood i thoight he inderstood things like this but he says i'm pushing him away and this relationship is all i have, he's my full time caregiver i cant just leave like he says",3.3219122807017563,4.856670173684215,4.565789473684212,84.88885964912281,73.57894736842105,7.382456140350878,27.929824561403517,8.021203637495839,1.7783929824561409,743,29,149,11,15,245,112,190,0.192,0.763,0.046,-0.9824,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,0,1,0,12,6,1,2,6,0,20,1,0,1,2,26,30,16,1,1,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,7,8,0,2,2,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,5,4,21,2,12,23,3,21,0,1,1,1,19,8,1,1,12,91,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554347132816007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983678044469787,0.13200251448891015,0.0,0.0,0.2569388663948001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346418680875608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340441648957673,0.0,0.15969652483048505,0.0,0.22473820230197694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517619709362896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772140373267013,0.0,0.0,0.2975342332544709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13728047126416348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11214417895366764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484415421438034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148062836045548,0.0,0.1642346665652889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991750543290265,0.2700198873723456,0.0,0.0,0.3016845866406525,0.0,0.23996908243634016,0.0,0.33518899350371884,0.0,0.0,0.11195873141929487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622141382286193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727603039379218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746263561526707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368202988051208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24560292396533426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334064137476324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192552518489511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538893289376582,0.0,0.0,0.1462633935126876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Throwie4school,2018/11/19,"Looking to interview a professional and someone who has PTSD relating to war Hello, I am a university student looking to interview someone who has/had PTSD from being in military/war. I am also looking for a health professional that is involved with treating PTSD that was caused by military/war to interview with a different set of questions. The interviews can be completely confidential (if so desired) and would be either via some form of text communication (e.g., email, reddit message, etc) or over the phone, whichever is preferred. I didn't want to post this in the survey thread because it's not exactly a survey, but a direct 1:1 interview. If this still violates the rules, please delete or let me know and I will repost this in that thread. Thanks!",8.32461111111111,9.057645785185189,8.29791666666667,65.62687500000003,61.51851851851853,11.787037037037035,39.83796296296296,11.45678717892309,5.060351851851854,611,31,95,17,8,198,89,135,0.064,0.884,0.052000000000000005,-0.1288,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,0,10,0,14,1,0,1,1,21,20,10,1,6,7,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,5,2,16,12,4,7,0,0,3,0,13,4,0,6,1,70,14,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477052245277912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273214544022967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312306284309967,0.0,0.0,0.17669675192450446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17607424675943673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795151359081927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17913571080843466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261771670408367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17232968919748176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42455926159781626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499140885379145,0.0,0.0,0.16140173166099095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5909951226837399,0.0,0.1887881668593403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855837887124033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458542196491685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15515649135960966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940125276874576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971633818630102,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OG_Bitch,2018/11/19,Ptsd comes in waves??? Anyone feel there ptsd get worse and then okay then worse.? If so what do you do.? ,-1.3107142857142868,0.4029701904761929,-1.180595238095238,112.87767857142859,109.0,2.1,5.25,3.1291,-3.111485714285714,78,0,20,0,4,22,17,21,0.163,0.7609999999999999,0.076,-0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,5,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072789462907636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553582967979776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498898429171254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548785658007555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6930490242643413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6041988857098725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Tinabird20,2018/11/19,The Straw That Broke the Camels Back Sometimes I feel like what happened to me isn't bad enough to have PTSD. But sometimes it feels like the straw that broke the camel's back. I think what happened caused PTSD because I was already not in a good mental health place. Please seek help if you're in that place. Its not to little to need help. ,2.267142857142858,4.672850588235296,1.3868067226890766,102.42205882352944,79.88235294117645,3.8857142857142857,18.537815126050425,3.1291,-0.9916537815126052,272,6,60,0,7,76,46,68,0.106,0.688,0.20600000000000002,0.7611,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,1,0,9,9,2,0,2,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,4,3,6,8,1,7,0,2,0,0,2,5,0,1,4,32,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18525860485679105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581771124845474,0.140171917718881,0.1023374546719336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724579343734225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734638406090324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976929084444425,0.2398655224450899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080890510527122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969096164680761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844748210431027,0.0,0.0,0.22505145377845112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640343580844373,0.16825881941793205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918250422952852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448012025715778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507955600347564,0.18428068290744046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924830364751432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320731644629981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075700577061098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kaorimangetsu24,2018/11/19,"Could I have PTSD? Earlier this year, there was a shooting at the school I now attend. I wasn’t here at the time, but my school was really close by (less than 2 miles). The shooting obviously didn’t effect me as much as those who were here, but we were still hiding in silence in the back of our classroom for hours, not knowing if we were safe, afraid for ourselves and those at the school. Now that I’m here, I’m starting to realize I have a lot in common with those here with PTSD. Loud noises, especially ones like gunshots, send me into panic. I get flashbacks to that day. Code red drills make me anxious and emotional (crying, panic attacks, etc). But...I wasn’t here. I was close by, I was scared, but I wasn’t here. So I feel like I didn’t experience anything bad enough. Can anyone help me figure this out?",2.730529100529097,4.580948543209878,3.636437389770727,89.60111111111117,75.91358024691358,6.3569664902998255,22.682539682539684,7.1686216300943375,0.6725206349206347,632,18,132,7,14,202,96,162,0.156,0.747,0.096,-0.9076,0,0,0,3,0,0,31.0,3,0,0,1,12,9,1,4,7,0,16,0,0,2,1,25,23,9,0,2,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,10,0,1,5,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,12,3,18,3,20,10,5,23,0,0,1,0,6,11,0,2,12,94,26,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760073778832121,0.0,0.10893757419381096,0.0,0.12820846751041215,0.0,0.0,0.17724270063820816,0.0,0.1197990342871854,0.13008481050317605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439201430817495,0.0,0.17113677175251762,0.10047681203104722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525176425190195,0.0,0.160980966815578,0.1737559375665919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240032545634627,0.0,0.0,0.07877614285426647,0.11130211222512172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139801728480063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442810583838748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15342963295336653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562249855688914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223005245757507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245387618569968,0.0,0.0,0.10399636534977334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452944594984504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557274729929324,0.0,0.0,0.365590735700373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3642390163197642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980817917450098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559809630197984,0.4730276380299648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027461627639792,0.0,0.12442047275671307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084705844659068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032879485336717 ptsd,Brizzzled,2018/11/19,"Only just occurred to me that I have PTSD An abusive room mate made it difficult for me to ever be certain of anything. Then pile that on top of a job that I relocated my life for only to be made redundant 3 months into it. All the while during those 3 months I shyed away from getting to close to anyone or the job because I was afraid I'd lose it... And then I did. Got another job and I left that because I feared it happening again. And then was fired from the job after that because the manager reminded me too much of my abusive housemate... She wasn't even close to her but any time I received the lightest bit of negative feedback I sort of... Lose focus... Like the whole world muffled out. Every day at that job just became a fear for my job. A constant distracting fear of losing it and not feeling like I even deserved to be there. I've got a new job now. They're telling me I'm doing a great job. Not a single negative thing said... So much as a bit of criticism thought and it's almost like everything shifts... I just shut down and beg for the peace of death... Over a fucking meeting!?",1.974362934362933,4.019285522522523,3.4157400257400248,89.40229729729731,78.9099099099099,6.390733590733591,25.43629343629344,7.447530270364453,1.2592996138996138,854,33,177,12,21,280,126,222,0.212,0.7190000000000001,0.069,-0.9855,8,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,4,11,15,1,5,16,0,9,2,0,2,3,26,20,14,1,0,7,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,1,0,14,10,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,10,0,0,10,3,20,5,30,7,7,29,0,3,0,1,7,14,1,3,17,121,34,10,0.0,0.202308301623298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548966221440635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05805720241312126,0.08952201322095474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0596954393832448,0.0,0.07025547298373139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08021162091129573,0.0,0.0,0.15612947244553604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864124475703896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225889252549352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055059124332528284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11277735586232615,0.07722561064883267,0.07193122116615544,0.0,0.07672858653462683,0.0,0.0,0.2882082318412754,0.043167626004195186,0.060991155188944365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892682587272151,0.04460435660239979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656266743954126,0.09412506313889547,0.0,0.0,0.07549588748937383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6777636451001878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275902860634007,0.0,0.060302134075815875,0.12512817459045686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28653478151881145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156576036683726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136289318494699,0.0,0.12551932882463634,0.0,0.0,0.08245467702436016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986144712802994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979755966038624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121016124318485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462058093396486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0567186479027164,0.0,0.0,0.06777736688034472,0.04978222721387398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531694793324244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Row__,2018/11/19,"Help I really need advice, I don't know much about PTSD so I'm not sure if I should seek therapy or not. For background My household has always been dysfunctional with yelling, fighting, breaking things. Now that I'm older I can see that my mom is abusive and not in a right state of mind. I still live with her and she's still abusive and I feel it ruining my sanity. I stay up until 6/7am each night because I can't stop revisiting the same events over and over. I fight with her in my head and I'll keep repeating the same things for hours. On really bad nights it feels like I'm loosing my mind. I've been this way off and on for a while, it always comes back when something triggers it. When I hear someone yell or a sudden noise I feel terrified and it usually ruins my day. ",2.4177857142857166,4.247735350000003,3.617142857142857,89.48500000000001,76.75,7.071428571428572,23.30357142857143,7.957251820313856,1.0876696428571426,616,19,132,10,14,200,102,160,0.17600000000000002,0.78,0.044000000000000004,-0.9695,0,0,1,0,4,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,2,0,5,0,8,1,1,1,1,32,20,15,0,3,6,1,3,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,10,12,0,2,4,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,2,7,20,2,17,17,4,32,0,2,1,0,8,9,0,3,19,85,30,0,0.0,0.3465444546226891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429054710774757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24336923491588386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11245066279711999,0.12210551819518828,0.0891474422041802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597407653217785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431364931997196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22183224253696096,0.10447493475139953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008593796997902,0.0,0.16482476419129194,0.0,0.09802257410542907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401838897102404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998613713308174,0.0,0.0,0.08037048687710123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144619486438453,0.0,0.12913389649054888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29532439008549066,0.17127624113940587,0.0,0.0,0.10750430655370176,0.10843619632488072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744754241786765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094845148559668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18737205967522386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488941556867975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653551693248515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390992220396126,0.1125838276313212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587394802283616,0.23357725227539655,0.12226441643405593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378308539378797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672398649957557,0.0,0.19431266781115256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16106431738366386,0.0,0.0,0.11607967119809035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,miss_mizery,2018/11/19,"so this is where I am at. sorry if its self-indulgent. Tonight I feel like I could just cry and cry, but I can't force a single tear out of my eye for the life of me; and, there's a heavy sort of hollowness clenching its fist in my chest tonight, and I feel like I could just collapse into myself at any moment, a folding-chair human. Like the wind is permanently knocked out of me or something. Sometimes I google ""heart attack symptoms"" before reminding myself to chill the fuck out. It's just the fucking anxiety, it's like there's this tightly-wound and terrified little child lost somewhere behind me, who thinks she is being abandoned or attacked anytime someone is a bit late coming home from buying cigarettes, or anytime someone dares to criticize her, or condescend to her, or even try to control her. She's defensive, she overreacts, she's just a freaked out kid being raised by your run-of-the-mill middle-class white conservative patriarchal family and learning not to trust any of the people around her, not even the good ones. And she is me. I'm the freaked out kid. I'm stuck in my past in a big, big way tonight. I feel anxious posting this; I've started and stopped a few times already; nothing feels right, everything is a bit off. I am alone, and I am sad, and I am tired, and I feel like a very small human with very big responsibilities, and everything is a bit off. That's all.",6.753725490196079,6.43282211764706,6.7525882352941204,78.9473137254902,64.95588235294117,9.753333333333334,34.677450980392145,9.21078282632365,2.927297745098038,1104,45,215,17,15,352,148,272,0.255,0.691,0.054000000000000006,-0.9958,0,1,2,0,0,0,43.0,0,1,0,2,11,17,5,0,17,0,16,8,3,1,1,49,30,19,0,3,13,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,1,5,9,20,0,5,7,0,1,1,3,10,0,1,2,7,31,7,29,24,6,33,0,3,2,2,16,21,2,7,14,136,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11201916797478602,0.11935514770505015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710242743100085,0.0,0.08274064687669741,0.12218786173171475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628363568101772,0.0,0.2460908952681212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203457289565324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35424188215915065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316862214437233,0.0,0.0,0.12130850076887775,0.17271087641453342,0.0,0.23761317798829795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428748037887595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944110439955042,0.0,0.10196182644202073,0.0,0.2734399139001381,0.23180449471899334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19998083257069327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907178788268305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281678637129917,0.0,0.0,0.10849138827621152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220070425539604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763952613381297,0.2642029104802661,0.1084028256599951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180673375932286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378060949777436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329072454111994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324914032480308,0.0749832049194013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358555765584453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236642243594984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283248182098275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328400635365,0.08326538590239564,0.10697112186503564,0.12107413267503805,0.0765548565528832,0.0,0.0,0.09042501068493294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241767403066012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693033402474253,0.0,0.0,0.06306785516440447,0.12431181986970027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07343224703721896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17848351173918736,0.0,0.08585086171864385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,IKEAbatteries,2019/06/19,"I have just been diagnosed with PTSD Therapist just ran through an extensive checklist and I have just now been diagnosed. In 2014 I was treated for guillain-barre syndrome during my second semester at UC Berkeley. The time preceding I spent grappling, alone with fading physical responsiveness, the death sentence the previous doctor handed me. After recovering I pushed myself to get back on track and eventually graduated in the same timetable planned prior to getting sick. No time spent concerning mental health recovery. Being a fraternity brother, I had easy access to destructive coping mechanisms that labeled me a ""legend"" amongst my brothers. I am having a great deal of trouble coping with the diagnosis. I am hoping someone, anyone, can say anything to prove I'm not just alone in my car, screaming into the cold and uncaring emptiness that my life has become.",10.5705612244898,11.068282204081633,9.717746598639458,58.11906887755106,56.89115646258503,12.520068027210884,44.90561224489796,11.93303328291395,6.0705653061224485,712,39,93,19,8,226,107,147,0.162,0.767,0.07,-0.9259999999999999,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,1,0,10,0,12,7,1,0,1,15,19,3,1,1,5,2,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,3,0,1,7,4,15,3,17,11,1,17,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,8,69,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41542605292439133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023172716883955,0.0,0.1650385091618515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421332460885176,0.0,0.0,0.22149567388413816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20676193607283871,0.0,0.4071153268600885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20527508867395208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20956193740203813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22111103143246394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21317907864533386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991949584468046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165692556728351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211083927471135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23443640423793075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948825750480747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992839863978498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23285816558985026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23388881216519136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Leedleleeedleleedle,2019/06/19,"For those of you with great therapists, how did you know they were a good fit? What should I be looking for exactly? (Crossposted on r/NarcissisticAbuse) Since I got away from my ex last year, I’ve only attempted therapy once, and it was terrible. It was online, so that probably didn’t help. And I know I’m not a professional, but this woman just did NOT have good advice. She actually said, “Yeah we could spend a bunch of time digging through all that childhood stuff but that doesn’t really help anything in the now.” And I’m like............. Okay?? So my parents being narcs my whole life, which led to me normalizing that shit and ending up in an even MORE toxic romantic relationship, isn’t relevant to the shit I’m dealing with today??? Like? Isn’t that at the ROOT of what I’m dealing with? Idk. Major trust issues aside, I just don’t know how to find a decent therapist. In my failed attempts, I just went off of their online reviews and made calls but they never had any room for new patients :( I know I can’t wait or put it off anymore, so I’m trying to just put my fears and lack of trust behind me and hope for the best in my search. I just don’t want to get screwed over with a crappy therapist again, or god forbid end up with a legit toxic person as my therapist. What are some of y’all’s tips or advice? Or is it more of a “luck of the draw” type deal? What are some good questions to ask while vetting?",2.229716599190283,4.194167298245617,3.631666666666668,88.54903846153849,77.77192982456141,6.910931174089067,22.189608636977052,7.882392219407189,0.96278677462888,1100,32,233,18,26,361,164,285,0.124,0.69,0.18600000000000005,0.9598,1,0,0,0,1,0,50.0,1,3,3,4,13,19,3,1,13,2,21,4,2,5,3,52,40,21,0,6,14,2,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,2,17,13,0,2,6,0,1,4,10,7,0,0,11,2,25,12,39,25,10,30,0,1,1,1,22,14,3,9,14,155,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0994238086261665,0.0,0.0,0.1991191736570274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928441972455404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104126799278494,0.0,0.0,0.08384161612740412,0.0,0.09524751993626113,0.0,0.09572310374963952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692067283207453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403466397154087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134585581949633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151129084117692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047746103749224,0.0,0.0,0.06729323265863096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464750437492402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311986943935473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05323003582559646,0.0,0.0,0.2563656781030698,0.08148571388489326,0.11232715511695944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658101266833975,0.0,0.0,0.10119351735195864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634012790692177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22397050039750016,0.08304882570330532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196348073862592,0.09955047329589263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555666026284099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09640483427636502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785790016937984,0.09839992651656224,0.0,0.0,0.0998244084265458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085028310105742,0.0,0.07748715607094903,0.0,0.0,0.11312980802856508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896092982141432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984787646470676,0.0,0.0,0.20484254745053435,0.11413307762625095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652693165062915,0.0,0.0,0.10938498065162396,0.0,0.0,0.0969147437975738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091643380235393,0.08427926162141589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663247784462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651290699155195,0.4731793817252561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05940921335764601,0.0,0.09657384856756013,0.0,0.0,0.06917235444575155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06009365463490415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944472242385856,0.0,0.1137495289641737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560977186579309 ptsd,minnipede,2019/06/19,"16 y/o internet trauma? tw for sexual and mental abuse &#x200B; sorry for another one of those 'life story' posts but i need to get it off my chest- and id hopefully like a sort of explanation for my behavior and maybe some ways to cope with it rundown of the socially bad things in my life: i started going onto social media sites since i was maybe 11, and i was really proud of myself for the friends i'd make. when i had just turned 13, i joined a community and met an older person (23) who became infatuated with me. i liked the attention he gave me, and he'd always tell me i was his favorite person. he was incredibly possessive of me, would call me sexual pet names, and would get upset and passive aggressive if i made any mentions of other friends in front of him (or at all). i never sent nudes or anything of the sort, but he'd make me do sexual role playing with him. he would threaten to kill himself if i said anything about it and he would send me pictures of him cutting if i did something wrong. after i finally cut him off i found out a close friend of mine that i'd vent to was actually also him- he made a new account and identity to stalk me and watch me, even before i decided to leave him. that whole ordeal lasted about a year &#x200B; i also had befriended a 21 year old sociopath. he did heavy drugs and was also very close to me- but never sexual. he was also possessive, and calls me his angel. he liked to send me imagery of how he'd kill me- and promised me one day he'd come and meet me. i'm still close with him, i don't think he's a bad person but at times he says and does stuff that makes me feel like i'm under someone's control again &#x200B; now, i have a really screwed up idea of relationships. i don't get close to people often, i only have a few friends. i took a year 'off', which means i spend the time in complete isolation with no human connections or contact. for about two years, i had no lasting friendships- i'd get extremely attached to someone for a short period of time, and eventually cut them off or they'd cut me off. when i get close to someone, i become really clingy and nervous that they're going to leave me. i feel like no relationship (friendships included) give me satisfaction like those two did- i feel like i'm constantly chasing for the feeling of belonging to someone and being someone's 'favorite' again, even if it does mean im trapped in it. i have a hard time believing i have importance to my friends because im not the one person in their life &#x200B; i get nightmares a lot, i can't sleep throughout the night. i'm obsessed with routine- especially with friends, i send the same goodnight and good morning text to my best friends because it makes me feel good to be ingrained in someone's routine. sometimes i'll have fits where i feel like person 2 is coming to get me, and i'll find myself on the bathroom floor unable to look up because i'm scared he'll be there. sometimes i forget who my friends are and i feel like they're all identities of person #1, a few months ago i couldnt talk to my two best friends (online) for weeks because i was scared they were him. &#x200B; i feel lonely all the time. i feel ashamed of myself for being so screwed up mentally- i always wish i was normal. my two best friends support me and they've been the most consistent, good people in my life but i still sometimes feel like it's not enough because i'm still so obsessed with belonging to someone like i belonged to those two men. they think i have c-ptsd from it- it would make sense, but i feel so guilty knowing some things other people have gone through. i know for sure i have trauma from unrelated events- that's a whole other thing to get in to, but i don't think that affects the social aspects of what's been going on with me. i'm just not sure how to deal with any of it",5.535233639623488,5.578281338917527,6.119285073957865,81.23687584043032,67.44072164948453,9.067413715822502,31.56028686687584,8.779410014580577,2.385733056925145,3053,114,614,45,46,995,313,776,0.135,0.687,0.177,0.9924,0,4,2,0,1,1,92.0,0,0,5,5,27,56,9,7,29,0,48,10,3,11,7,122,109,49,2,14,20,0,12,11,10,6,5,2,1,8,30,41,0,1,23,1,2,12,13,22,0,8,27,16,104,34,92,66,16,82,1,1,2,3,75,33,2,16,46,392,134,0,0.0,0.04844679156132635,0.03990177621678191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03624564096038137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307957086122737,0.06804586504924175,0.2215161305189252,0.2484231181534897,0.05561185895731542,0.04287569298803739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729634381534963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828123214299697,0.12462780728647495,0.045158699927122785,0.03479353656125462,0.04606791308147242,0.1287314825064056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350450335671444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044452446402429,0.042871349863525206,0.044186494572862015,0.045860502460073636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026370029293745646,0.042154774690310204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156449777066949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04741827111042693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042249278463876466,0.0,0.05401361198190629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274218367398785,0.17526670485476595,0.0,0.04479191267741228,0.03737181509185508,0.0,0.0,0.04483268982897399,0.3159074830397372,0.0,0.17090256403356036,0.03922446499332093,0.06971450135255447,0.10288728684489397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03662852224437554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040612013759692325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04615871615031456,0.08833429647752014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047526444832643,0.0,0.04494306197635296,0.06666000234892802,0.0,0.08659111703137269,0.0,0.0,0.115524470200496,0.2197393581515953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03433647090003604,0.0,0.0,0.034762374765709966,0.0,0.07738034132196937,0.13646866104137556,0.0,0.08215701438300034,0.08908023954124301,0.0,0.0,0.08241301134937648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032637218305763875,0.0,0.0,0.030318683395319908,0.06307225169201335,0.039490861413030924,0.0,0.038371566725455136,0.04006254901162951,0.0,0.0,0.04290613854833685,0.0,0.08312235577428542,0.0310979352324282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504187501802779,0.21421624233594488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039160369566802175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04779706549263002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858364199812799,0.0,0.0,0.08779899059890613,0.0,0.0,0.03889481274709287,0.03251658254204424,0.0818740658855251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03382381225786498,0.0,0.040918540340952304,0.12504359166647197,0.2425158830460598,0.03147835815967378,0.12132083159105934,0.04577189994272347,0.02894145228917715,0.0,0.09796205049745377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046808134740273816,0.0,0.046400364883674015,0.0770748175291781,0.0,0.0,0.032865038021884764,0.03573879768339232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149452564827575,0.07860008125804252,0.0,0.0,0.11921355505123753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04542919548547924,0.0,0.04447550216054903,0.1997131106632088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03373771614238585,0.0,0.0324557935354305,0.03279869806571722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130224062445098,0.04702034447011177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523190049803197,0.04470571443044801,0.2484231181534897,0.10532472939017927 ptsd,comptepoubelle_72,2019/06/19,"Still doesn’t feel like I’ve “earned” my PTSD I’m in the midst of a months long string of anniversaries related to my PTSD, today being a particularly strong trigger day. Beyond the calendar triggers, I’ve been triggered by several other experiences today. I know I have PTSD, logically. I have a hard time seeking help because I still feel guilty about my diagnosis. I didn’t go to war, no one tried to kill me, I should be stronger than this. Other people earned their diagnosis, I just feel broken. Even today I’ve been ok and then a few minutes later it feels like I’m looking over the edge of a cliff and that butterfly feeling in my chest takes over and I feel like I’m having a panic attack. Fuck this feeling, fuck people (reporters) not realizing what they’re doing, fuck our healthcare system where I can’t find someone to talk to that isn’t 3-4 weeks out unless I’m in danger (I’m not)",4.324132985658409,5.678400926553675,5.453333333333338,80.21538461538462,70.80790960451978,7.932029552368538,27.17470664928292,8.384062270229773,1.8501363754889184,712,24,136,11,13,236,109,177,0.205,0.679,0.115,-0.9628,0,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,1,0,1,3,7,13,7,1,9,1,13,4,1,3,0,23,32,5,2,1,4,0,8,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,11,0,0,1,7,8,0,1,3,9,16,5,19,26,1,22,0,0,1,3,4,8,3,0,15,79,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13812135048796104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401038134143012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782993766202047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019012986443587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876223218806932,0.0,0.0,0.4297196464880991,0.26020588713681136,0.0,0.0,0.11096649883327338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367246395232541,0.0,0.0,0.06900007500292621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875947183472133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137853325051678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343221262088686,0.0,0.06672373581674954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779443132601491,0.0,0.0,0.10744398913277238,0.10195378385295446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690826731712973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227052724426398,0.0,0.0,0.14244842230173446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834075094244028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4257652189907491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371586905499541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287026040857172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939162928981368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128517608517668,0.09758472245319924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079512078816115,0.0,0.3452473221531765,0.0,0.0,0.08242938950744788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738774211786977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cilondon,2019/06/19,"my life I have years and years of built up daily traumas that i dont even know where to begin. i dont know whats right and whats wrong with my brain. most times i dont know whats real or what is a dream. dissociation is taking over my life and all i do everyday is lay in bed because im too depressed to do the things i like. im so confused all of the time and i dont feel happy even though nothing is “wrong”. no one has ever helped me with my trauma so barely no one knows there’s anything wrong with me. im only 19 years old and i feel like im just waiting for the day when something terrible happens to me or someone i love. i only truly love and trust one person even though i have a huge family. no one has ever been kind to me or valued me. i feel so confused and disoriented and i dont know what feelings are normal, and what is my ocd, anxiety, depression or possibly ptsd or whatever else is wrong with me. or am i just fabricating it all? my brain replays hundreds of awful things that have happened to me since i was born every day but i dont know if they’re all real. i cant see a psychiatrist until at least september but everything is severely catching up with me.",1.8773809523809533,3.339708484126988,4.074126984126984,87.22642857142857,77.25396825396825,7.022222222222222,23.507936507936506,7.793537801064563,1.0648126984126978,926,29,203,14,21,320,123,252,0.13699999999999998,0.763,0.1,-0.8459,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,16,18,0,2,6,1,25,6,2,0,6,48,43,25,0,2,11,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,11,14,0,1,10,1,0,1,10,11,0,4,2,5,31,7,20,41,6,24,0,2,1,2,4,8,0,10,17,140,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05809158375341751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248966633605552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04629047970210647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954157264545314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794614318778586,0.0,0.13080882348793282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5339854675493966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343560484660124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504669822605411,0.13737869626644375,0.06398018287997202,0.0,0.06824726341385932,0.0,0.07158662886978494,0.0,0.15358407998456952,0.05424939546119456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343016456539353,0.08083632989920042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05089895867772664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280998877476245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907668176186355,0.25039787790513296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072730729070007,0.07419794783539968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707218294339174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440211988864621,0.07286358272742227,0.0,0.07968308914406691,0.0,0.2058274583892913,0.11550699406474775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630524408114788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560753801211099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876626886810987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286582158135713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484976813074313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605119434473773,0.0,0.0,0.08578717560688988,0.0,0.06281585662385622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06434115883588527,0.05845999906331304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057095160355681414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089831388064817,0.0,0.14921539947949358,0.0,0.08855893031368682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321006782465322,0.0,0.14670278108837814 ptsd,itsalaser,2019/06/19,"Triggered by starting therapy? I am going to be starting EMDR therapy, and knowing that I will have to relive so many things is triggering me very badly. My night terrors/sleep paralysis combo is back, and this morning I had an intense panic attack- numb arms, lips and ears, uncontrollable sobbing/gasping for air. Has anyone experienced an intensifying of symptoms by or before therapy? Any advice?",7.811764705882354,10.03942135294118,8.455176470588237,58.66629411764711,63.41176470588235,10.145882352941179,41.541176470588226,10.355215969177356,5.375831764705882,324,19,40,8,5,108,57,68,0.207,0.775,0.018000000000000002,-0.9317,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,2,2,0,8,5,3,2,0,7,12,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,6,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191270738361596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310704212238456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368630081063638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22267770651000104,0.0,0.15050873238292758,0.16343119998923628,0.0,0.0,0.16655673172876126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124115421973726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075712654775124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19844535846239034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368476955058455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296537636075539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958771375339241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770855843459796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344442078657501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6715227671841111,0.0,0.13003815447031092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161502517192401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,doc_faced,2019/06/19,"SO most likely has PTSD (has not been formally diagnosed). How do I be the most supportive person? As title states, I'm in a relationship with a guy who, most likely, has PTSD. He hasn't been formally diagnosed yet. I know what it stems from--- I've asked questions about it in the past and he completely shuts down. He did end up telling me between tears, and its hella traumatic. Needless to say, I won't ask again. I have a history of mental illness and am in therapy and take meds for mine. So, how do I be the best SO to a guy with PTSD?",1.5536363636363646,3.6908081818181837,3.4354545454545486,88.24318181818184,80.81818181818181,7.636363636363638,24.54545454545455,8.575989854853784,1.7671818181818186,420,16,90,10,11,141,71,110,0.083,0.855,0.062,-0.3094,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,8,4,0,0,7,0,14,3,0,2,0,14,20,10,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,3,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,7,4,15,14,4,11,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,4,6,64,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995272022389648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811802562591802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796466306402996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251954047350557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188796991230573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31724261649361685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804068784811547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652940238148724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17794397831873632,0.0,0.16144200879440032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292721607481005,0.0,0.13987880438155534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5617890287902519,0.0,0.17945853838079198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17199281011972528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273959613600812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18179090881309387,0.0,0.0,0.12044903653098255,0.0,0.14002020301002308,0.0,0.1832004921454242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,krystalclear3479,2019/06/19,"Has anyone told their employers about having PTSD? Firstly, I’ve never lurked in this sub before, but I’m glad I found it. It confirmed a lot of things I’ve felt and thought, which is heartening. Presently, I’m working with a therapist using EMDR for the first time. It’s also the first time I’m seeking treatment for PTSD. I’ve had poor emotional health for over a decade, and am hopeful EMDR is the next step in the healing process. It’s been tougher than I expected, even though my therapist did warn me about it. Nightmares, an inability to sleep, sadness, doubt, fear, and panic attacks are all things I’m dealing with. But, I do think it’ll be worse before it’s better, and I’m of the mind now to face all of this trauma instead of letting it rule my life unconsciously. Our company has recently seen financial trouble, so we haven’t been required to come in regularly until things pick up again. That leave of absence has given me the opportunity to seek out EMDR. My employer is a small business, less than 15 on staff. There is no formal HR, but the environment is very warm, family-oriented, and grounded. Though I’m not sure when our business will resume as it was, everyone is hopeful that it will. Should I tell my supervisors that I have PTSD now that I’m seeking treatment? Has anyone done so, and do they recommend? Any advice on how to say it or what kinds of reactions I might receive?",5.46822222222222,6.442985896296296,6.08074074074074,78.18333333333334,67.81481481481481,9.111111111111112,32.407407407407405,9.2995712137729,2.900851851851852,1112,47,206,21,18,362,162,270,0.162,0.737,0.10099999999999999,-0.9592,2,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,3,0,2,7,15,15,1,3,12,0,30,5,2,3,4,36,48,19,0,4,5,0,2,0,0,5,3,1,0,0,22,11,0,1,4,0,1,3,4,7,0,3,12,4,17,8,30,29,4,27,0,1,1,0,10,10,0,6,14,143,39,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265269468360325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219134897744204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839603226763736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121636584617685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115045144486595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619378068659415,0.0,0.0,0.10195797568643378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993056394176436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885116372006545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179739912210211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967726126596513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614298365885055,0.0,0.0,0.11015733965257236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972482829635895,0.0,0.0,0.1106892491476754,0.0,0.0,0.2941776282558071,0.0,0.1264012771511528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253987391975105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290030076931826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200489515386932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12206748941970555,0.0,0.1178841353942644,0.08142741731121761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800903278288317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229648189507968,0.11640243056504605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891294719413778,0.0,0.12260421385674995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13525913862324826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40427711199526695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382753056492005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091677246615906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536572483132015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108652362919166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076195937072624,0.0,0.0,0.26770366429847897,0.2297656500661757,0.07386835136817348,0.22652888135702576,0.0915214033765796,0.13444426974771626,0.0,0.0,0.11015733965257236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956703931219106,0.0,0.09512011045575557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392701059302059,0.0,0.1174826849826519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,The_B0FH,2019/06/19,"Self care after a flair up I had my first PTSD event in a long time yesterday...the first all year actually. I was at work and luckily in a closed and locked room. I ended up on the floor crying and shaking. Still shaking a bit today I haven't been sleeping. I've been incredibly stressed out. My blood pressure has been on a roller coaster and my emotions have been fragile. It all just came to a head yesterday. Today I'm tired, drained. Everything hurts. I feel like I'm in a fog, which is actually kind of a relief. Still have chills though, physical symptoms. All I really want to do is hibernate and maybe finally find some relief in sleep. How do you guys take care of yourself after an event? I know the urge to hide isn't a great one. I'm supposed to take a weekend away this weekend. I don't think I have it in me to go. I'm just tired.",1.0914177061149957,3.3815274450867068,2.8304167934286566,90.98737754791605,83.79768786127167,6.185457864313964,22.978095527836928,7.475848149327749,0.9930069364161844,660,24,142,11,19,218,100,173,0.16,0.7290000000000001,0.111,-0.7491,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,3,6,12,0,4,13,0,17,7,4,1,3,20,31,7,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,4,8,0,0,4,3,0,4,3,5,0,3,7,2,14,7,21,24,5,37,0,1,0,0,3,15,0,1,19,87,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.2615880064749434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592565216251592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632611063596146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329468115495348,0.2733051549902813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722572593176902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076577610170994,0.11871084979245072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045757446500205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0677696248389908,0.09575110072649656,0.0,0.14682337798481349,0.1225010455063022,0.2280117989474515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617237109167238,0.0,0.0,0.1477686129010048,0.0,0.13271083030370284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13755350791450646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348194993005953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13957168105059256,0.07365941508093453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548031656840009,0.0,0.0,0.11861238428282965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346512088435771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908222365104944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566739662119455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586308764865319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982258210944362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268253707241044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140731560470316,0.0,0.15353097941777946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930855019783464,0.20154784781419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588104972802531,0.1316838521797493,0.0,0.07815400507792035,0.3080956717496075,0.2540896478768817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07905440122921002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757547903484408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631096346439765 ptsd,Morb1dSarcasM,2019/06/19,"Telling about the abuse Warning, possible triggers! When I was 12, I was groomed and molested by my Grandfather. Admittedly this is really hard for me to write down as I've yet to really accept and work through what has happened. Even if it's been 6 years. 2 months ago I was watching a Video about psychology (as I do almost everyday) and the topic was about the Sexual abuse that can occur with children without them realising that what's happening is wrong and scarring. That hit the nail in the coffin and the realisation hit me like a train. I wanted to throw up, curl in a ball and scream, and cry.... After 2 months of torture on my part I finally told my mum. While this happened my grandfather(abuser) frequently visits and calls almost everyday. I get panic attacks everytime it's brought up or if I'm reminded of it in some way... The guilt and shame is killing me. So it's really hard for me to express and talk about my feeling about my... Situation I can't take it anymore. I can't stand to even think about that pedophile let alone be in the same room as him. So I've cut off ties, not answering the phone or hiding etc. My grandmother started meddling (It's typical behaviour for that part of the family) and won't stop asking questions no matter how much I tell her to leave it. So she started asking my dad questions and he doesn't take well to them. So this brings me to my current dilemma. I don't know if I should tell my father and/or How I should tell him. I'm stuck in a corner and this could destroy my family. I don't even know if they'll believe me or not! My family sort of despise me because I'm Granddaddy's favourite (ain't that ironic?) Mum really helps a lot but she's not always there to help me out of the situations. So I'm turning to you for advice, Reddit. Please, any advice on this would be greatly appreciate. I know this might not be the best subreddit to ask this but.... You're my only hope now.",2.7387272727272745,4.815034509090914,4.23922077922078,84.26168831168833,76.63636363636364,7.724675324675324,25.80519480519481,8.591530228387361,1.9107194805194805,1526,57,304,32,35,507,200,385,0.13,0.807,0.063,-0.9373,1,1,0,0,4,1,53.0,0,1,3,2,21,18,7,3,17,0,28,0,0,3,0,58,58,34,2,10,14,4,3,1,0,6,0,1,1,1,22,15,0,1,10,2,0,4,13,12,1,0,8,5,45,6,46,37,8,37,0,0,1,0,34,14,0,16,18,208,67,1,0.0,0.3103914068527841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066258839429296,0.07740681496408583,0.0,0.1748832932257886,0.09044057811739033,0.0,0.0,0.07265996055491455,0.0,0.0,0.05938282179673806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660122485236882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449064245082406,0.09934283230207837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053231458252034784,0.0,0.0,0.0983834284397658,0.09164039024092846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916682763406521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972052994362278,0.0,0.09592051777428444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973885350709179,0.17302859974784776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24696183776504216,0.0,0.04415327187408556,0.0,0.0,0.09565838000486174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045622807324243966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627421953973636,0.0,0.0,0.2316590524600365,0.0,0.15644900565435862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170619017716576,0.0,0.0,0.08673171590072316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661026634393734,0.0,0.14397176557557514,0.0,0.0,0.0924627402907216,0.0,0.08929396555276857,0.0,0.042661741550358165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07423912613775463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263619574458326,0.0,0.0,0.13940121081584306,0.0,0.06419265505251913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641328597093643,0.0,0.1024550489726807,0.0,0.1891251955955239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585473383416257,0.0,0.09844387258626308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564410690708306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376610535510694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963100407740144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361572772786646,0.0,0.0,0.07300616841268905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131247135157184,0.07018714111659377,0.3052975669367929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595322899429276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344113191672109,0.0,0.0,0.09498264825664142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150553037012109,0.06931315154436732,0.0,0.0,0.07851411179684173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841765214635319,0.0,0.06357238459420936,0.0,0.0,0.06203194950268249,0.0954742935443606,0.0,0.05623332642923578 ptsd,jamespatrickflannery,2019/06/19,"Introducing: Voices for Choices - fighting for human rights in mental health [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DVfYtZUxMc](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DVfYtZUxMc) &#x200B; Two summers ago, I watched as a good friend of mine in North Carolina was involuntarily committed to a psychiatric hospital. Though he posed zero risk to himself or others, he was handcuffed, forcibly drugged, and locked in a psychiatric hospital for weeks against his will. I had experienced four involuntary commitments in my life, but witnessing him go through this traumatic experience led to me researching resources that could help him in his situation. By the end of the summer, I’d traveled out to the west coast and met with members of MindFreedom International, and I began getting involved in what I came to learn was the consumer / survivor / ex-patient movement. There was almost a decade between my first involuntary psychiatric commitment and my learning that this movement existed. Years were spent unnecessarily stumbling along on my own, seeking alternatives, trying to find allies, but always be alone in this journey and being hindered by constant self-doubt. Much like when I started getting involved in alternative education and it took a couple years before I discovered the already-existing world of self-directed learning and unschooling, I saw there was a need for a focused effort to connect those in need to the existing movements and resources that were available to them. It was this need in mind that the Voices for Choices video series was conceived. This video series, which consists of 13 videos, was a collaboration between many individuals including psychiatric survivors, alternative practitioners, artists, journalists, writers, and activists. I am grateful to have been given the opportunity to be a part of this project. I want to specifically thank a few people for their work. First and foremost, a special thanks to Sherri Huang, the Associate Producer and Editor who poured endless hours into video editing and making critical editorial decisions that steered this project in a direction that would maximize its integrity and impact. Her journalistic approach, creative vision and detailed editing skills have no doubt transformed this video series from being an amateur home video project assembled by a novice learning to use a camera for the first time into a professional, first-rate journalistic production that will change countless lives. I am incredibly grateful for the sacrifices she made with her time to bring Voices for Choices to life. I also want to thank the team at MindFreedom International, especially Sarah Smith, who was the champion of the grant which included the Voices for Choices series. While I was a part of the brainstorming session to plan the video, it was Sarah who took the lead in organizing all the documentation and drafting the grant proposal, securing the funding, and accommodating the regularly shifting deadlines that arose from my poor planning and execution. I’m incredibly thankful for her making this project possible and being understanding in all the delays and requests for time extensions that I begged for. The Steering Committee including Cindy Olejar, Mary Maddock, Jim Maddock, Celia Brown, Ron Bassman, David Oaks, and Sarah Smith was also invaluable in navigating this long process of creating these videos and I am thankful to have had their experience and guidance. I also want to extend a sincere thanks to the Foundation for Excellence in Mental Health, whose financial support made this project possible. While I am often skeptical that receiving funding for creative projects can potentially limit their freedom to free speech, the Foundation was incredibly supportive of our work and I’m grateful that I never felt constrained or fearful in the creative process. Thank you for believing in this project. I want to thank all of the interviewees involved in the project: Kumail Akbari, Frank Blankenship, Erik Bray, Celia Brown, Oryx Cohen, Emily McMurphy, Sera Davidow, Janet Foner, Al Galves, Chris Gordon, Jim Gottstein, Peter Gótzsche, Chris Hansen, Jill Kesti, Mary Maddock, Hilary Melton, Grace Nichols, David Oaks, Opeyemi Parham, Ron Unger, Robert Whitaker. I want to thank them not just for their time, but specifically for their trust. It is not easy to have someone point a camera at you and ask you questions about such challenging subject-matter, knowing that they will be cutting and splicing your words into a larger story. I’m not sure I have that courage and am inspired by all those who did. I want to thank my long-time friend Mark Sturgess and his partner Adam Carver for providing the music accompaniment. I’ve wanted to collaborate on a project with Mark for years and finally found the perfect opportunity. The music in this videos really captures the emotional tone in a way that I never could have imagined. Thank you for lending your talents to this project. Lastly, I want to thank Sean Blackwell. I first discovered Sean’s YouTube series “Bipolar or Waking Up” in 2010, just a couple years after my involuntary commitment. It was the first glimpse I ever received into their being an alternative path to interpreting my experiences. I would say that his work directly inspired the strategy behind creating Voices for Choices series nearly a decade later. Without further ado… please enjoy Voices for Choices and share them with everyone you know! We’ll be releasing one video every week for the next 13 weeks. I can’t wait to hear what you think!",13.868287859470179,12.505337086187847,11.5185635359116,53.8110766397507,51.618784530386755,14.364924210228072,50.055956934409984,12.938931606803768,6.7494278226377675,4553,243,608,115,39,1385,444,905,0.040999999999999995,0.7440000000000001,0.215,0.9995,0,1,1,0,2,0,131.0,2,8,10,21,13,42,3,3,61,0,50,7,1,8,13,114,105,43,0,15,12,0,1,1,3,6,6,9,1,2,48,40,0,5,17,13,5,15,8,6,0,9,32,15,68,37,118,57,9,91,1,0,4,0,58,38,0,7,38,417,116,27,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049300798935846886,0.0,0.05569203487163001,0.057602069785146766,0.0,0.13342982965207598,0.04627750292614968,0.060260610227296375,0.06758030965703453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051994054177184564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04732566744090496,0.06266091204474168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361062396541449,0.0,0.0,0.058835034545202974,0.0,0.0,0.06010183367974406,0.0,0.08881072887564283,0.12307751684725494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449764959201422,0.0,0.0,0.06256123838220885,0.049259838435812414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05030843835189409,0.0468594210548815,0.053144086467249295,0.0,0.1632112486473394,0.0,0.06258418652514887,0.0,0.0,0.05340069981947495,0.06092531466818015,0.05083260477377443,0.28384493238607106,0.0,0.060980779162587026,0.08593856194015377,0.0,0.05811480169607825,0.0,0.031608220308495735,0.0466486020331786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823578303209327,0.06268399955977028,0.0,0.0372786639326913,0.0,0.05578802834868786,0.0,0.05477119093816026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113090576821102,0.04533498768113664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856736046895063,0.027171482813278316,0.0,0.04911051534325593,0.09843795906564642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052516260719887,0.07424908309828722,0.0563865473481821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209699137820207,0.0,0.05615695562780716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0408846324625391,0.12371710979310045,0.08578996857851018,0.0,0.05914893154647904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03768727715038739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045481067892636,0.0,0.03855757796249214,0.0,0.0,0.06105037343287855,0.052575705197277965,0.1253988184656166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230336942609373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03562944610848563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749630984723525,0.0,0.0442285873696776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604057786514672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251543778011,0.0,0.0,0.047123801735701985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039365746677779694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622621639829182,0.052418028504124935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6144519983969121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0356368995900283,0.05464307006748737,0.0,0.12972204882640292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12358427513504397,0.03776005030915874,0.0,0.05432937949378066,0.05789888753214386,0.0,0.04803492316702411,0.0,0.0,0.262433099518654,0.044145903038178266,0.13383695052844732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361245985535039,0.0,0.12146873704358965,0.0,0.0,0.07901693594935462,0.0,0.06758030965703453,0.14326118035306712 ptsd,throwawayobv234,2019/06/19,"Don't know what to do My job sucks. I've gotten some interviews but no offers. Didn't date for two years for to emotional trauma that definitely wasn't helped by my abusive ex. He physically and emotionally abused me. I have scars on my skin. My first ex -husband cheated on me. My second ex-husband tried to kill me. My current boyfriend is giving me vibes of yuck. He's kind but had a lot of emotional issues and I can tell that this relationship isn't going anywhere. I'm debating just fucking moving back to where I came from. I had a better, higher paying job and was happier. Would have to ditch the bf. I have mixed feelings about that. That is the only reason I haven't left. I thought I would never fall in love again. I'm starting to think that I am just not a person who can be in a healthy relationship and should just give up. I'm 51 years old. This hasn't improved much, even with a lot of therapy. I've had some good ones, but it just hurts so much when things fail I can't take it anymore. It's easier not to try. I wish that I was dead. Then I think I should just get the fuck out of this shit hole and maybe I'll be lucky enough to die happy, pain-free, and alone in 20 years. Life seems so pointless.",1.3902371541501957,3.4470056996047447,2.815298023715414,92.9031209486166,80.93675889328064,5.945233201581027,20.39667984189723,7.087006719466742,0.3147319841897227,954,26,213,12,25,310,148,253,0.24100000000000002,0.617,0.142,-0.9884,3,1,0,0,1,2,31.0,0,0,0,3,13,15,6,0,8,0,27,6,2,1,1,37,49,13,3,5,10,3,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,15,9,0,0,7,0,1,4,11,9,0,4,10,2,24,6,25,33,7,26,0,2,0,3,17,9,4,6,13,136,39,5,0.0,0.2622390801278385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146152252677366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974961794287316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509430169295165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978739091394045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657090313614486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485245763169395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734485821577757,0.0,0.11434618850256567,0.0,0.07309297202161984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055955383164261886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413131330141866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20461541170774186,0.057817723500479236,0.2123192741326186,0.06289328325324614,0.09282027625744176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178046009340782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07417619679748763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846881998486035,0.0,0.0,0.11550516577656472,0.21963522184832548,0.0,0.12243406301332832,0.11524022614291865,0.06081840949099875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202374897129638,0.0,0.07816573043667148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18816629311931654,0.09987918693825404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117753716763244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11761903262259442,0.16270253402911108,0.0,0.08535141715405405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612395725432645,0.0,0.07498924563702232,0.08416546964626076,0.11775501323646688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662812288183233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378171378716853,0.0,0.2376248848354029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074496093383144,0.0,0.0,0.113595695310339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783290242891552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320606080651344,0.0,0.09672580089750676,0.0,0.12655469672697933,0.0,0.07352069061307476,0.1418189064938093,0.0,0.08785538804672448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026809586697454,0.0,0.1081033041444928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272589111038195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15722601544670378,0.0,0.0,0.2137932610694485 ptsd,Egghammac,2019/06/19,Do smells trigger yours? I walked into a room and immediately started to panic because it smelled like axe body spray. I just wanna know if you guys get this too?,3.336344086021509,5.803677903225813,4.046451612903226,84.4563440860215,76.41935483870971,5.423655913978496,26.46236559139785,6.42735559955562,1.0372494623655917,129,5,24,1,3,41,30,31,0.155,0.768,0.077,-0.3736,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,7,4,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,3,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2653633895665829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4835357479184308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274336114517721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4310293253168465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23923720402405546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267244434701965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5107472153942267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30811750786812764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,suckthezucc,2019/05/01,I have ptsd from past treatment They were horrible to me I have borderline personilty disordor they were mean yelled at me sent me in my room told me to cover my SCARS and much much more I can hardly go to the doctors with out being terrified I’ll go tp treatment a few weeks ago I had to go to the hospital for pnomona and had the worst panic attack of my life my boyfriend had to contselt reinsure me that I wasn’t going to treatment but I didn’t believe him I comply lost control of my arms and legs I couldn’t breathe my heart was going so fast I was pulling everything out out of my body ugh it was bad then a few days after that my type one boyfriend had to get 911 called on him bc of how low he got and I had another panic attack when I herd them coming in,2.448732193732191,3.856201660493831,3.692222222222224,90.78653846153848,75.60493827160494,6.959924026590691,25.424501424501425,7.61054688173877,1.1406062678062674,607,21,134,8,13,198,97,162,0.203,0.797,0.0,-0.9863,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,3,2,3,9,2,2,5,0,17,7,5,2,0,14,29,9,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,9,0,1,1,0,0,8,3,9,0,1,16,2,29,0,23,11,6,25,0,2,0,0,9,9,0,0,8,93,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742166039704698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16255882817827613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35273010444444736,0.0,0.0,0.12944067267707285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466180591488625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219952073314015,0.0,0.0,0.15829941474139875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335416240577465,0.0,0.0,0.1738754296439366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997928341855886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867621708494972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393278442483107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099496068118847,0.0,0.4405257329238583,0.0,0.12398887375934894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388733158344262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837071782141695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949981908717152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16922976478005522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886933300069154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22792466649622325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504998526675413,0.0,0.0,0.3637804488511505,0.0,0.0,0.14799035946001926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121771137343695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813448788359232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435292707277452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nboyes,2019/05/01,"Disability? Hi, Im new here. I’m just wondering if anyone has any experience with getting disability for their PTSD/mental issues. I’m broke and can’t hold down a job because I can’t even leave my house to make it to an interview. I haven’t worked in 5 years and I don’t know what else to do at this point but I can’t pay my bills so this is probably my only option. Thanks in advance.",1.0085843373493972,2.883249783132533,3.5261295180722922,88.26100150602413,81.28915662650603,7.041566265060243,21.218373493975907,8.07648339933343,0.9464469879518074,304,9,69,6,8,106,61,83,0.063,0.883,0.053,0.3071,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,2,4,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,0,11,15,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,2,1,5,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,9,15,0,8,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,3,2,39,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582344666755327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16022041587262068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968196601306784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141754540508987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513451868682289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22414344824951846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971649155116265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643974553277383,0.0,0.0,0.2475111387059657,0.2391632247971703,0.22738666094770105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12592966594272692,0.0,0.0,0.24262678068320626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295311125560493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23091980234950865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22130539250530454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427173063503087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166119055163564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470522923897143,0.0,0.2678530667846577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21096185288380945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484931760789041,0.16681706561962528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755901583421324 ptsd,Known_Orchid,2019/05/01,"Does anyone else feel overcome with tiredness or nod off during PTSD therapy or similar tough times? I am trying to figure out if this is just me and I need a medication adjustment, or if it is common to feel like you're nodding off in the middle of a therapy session when the going gets tough. I feel like it could be a defense mechanism (""This is hard, let's tune it out completely"") but I have no idea. Has anyone else experienced this?",3.6623920265780754,5.447073744186046,5.2549169435215966,79.26965116279072,73.18604651162791,8.635215946843855,27.40199335548173,9.23628265651192,2.46824119601329,346,13,65,8,7,117,61,86,0.084,0.858,0.057999999999999996,-0.2755,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,5,0,9,1,0,0,0,20,15,8,0,4,7,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,5,5,2,9,12,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,5,44,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577905439918977,0.3777575705030877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932776693691768,0.0,0.0,0.14718101295197633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613177492978674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079859260807495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796245217080279,0.2633860012975347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631038377253852,0.0,0.104765042276092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651330185395712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809816128968014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850080903261224,0.0,0.1801190650947271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18570381612808545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668625978989746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548436077962596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216192085076327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749051826390338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515520419614035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,berfica,2019/05/01,"People ""outing"" you without permission... So, today I started a GoFundMe to get a service dog for my PTSD(and bipolar, GAD with panic) In it I talk about my life and why I am disabled and I say I have PTSD. So my aunt texts my mom ""why does she have PTSD..?"" and my mom tells her without consulting me and what's more annoying is the add ons she did. She said that it's because I was raped twice(only part of the reason), and that is why I dress like a boy and cut my hair short and only cut it short recently because some random men talked to me(lie) and blah blah bull shit. I dress like I dress because I LIKE it. It's been my style since... my whole life. I have been cutting my hair short for years because, again, I like it. Girls can have short hair. The whole thing makes me mad. It's not for her to be telling people stuff, and lies at that(just because she hates my hair)! I tried to say something about it, but she yelled at me... This isn't ok right? People shouldn't tell other people without your say so...? I feel sad now.",1.8597443609022584,3.6976896761904783,2.54338345864662,96.51372180451128,78.42857142857143,5.18295739348371,22.00501253132832,5.750287758089431,-0.009619047619047638,792,23,178,4,19,246,112,210,0.133,0.831,0.036000000000000004,-0.9407,0,0,1,0,0,0,46.0,0,2,0,0,7,15,8,1,6,1,15,9,5,2,0,22,21,13,0,1,5,3,5,6,0,1,3,5,0,3,15,11,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,5,10,36,5,18,14,5,15,0,1,0,1,25,9,1,2,10,111,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31729921103855463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110069083060933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05263728926638085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438919482839174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027795439856296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470611737796434,0.203436650130725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948914439356524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24384688933064824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07917454803241472,0.0,0.12214170820580668,0.0,0.11273272857911648,0.0,0.2886859194158665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36507032020330255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703458082411912,0.10278853736288952,0.0,0.0,0.08890286035632353,0.09902519884488256,0.24835916343800665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685959304242484,0.0861145612476924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014309507905047,0.0,0.0,0.07368419759289517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11917231432256015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734709311102233,0.2729701955440939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691609929200912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867688014109599,0.0,0.0,0.07067867989071364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818086069376538,0.23245317033941365,0.0,0.30105292688269725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703851705730032 ptsd,nachpach,2019/05/01,"""Shut up. You don't have PTSD."" \-- Is what my brother said to me about a year ago. I didn't know how to argue because 1. He spent a large chunk of my childhood in the same house as me and was unaware of how things were actually going for me, and 2. I wasn't actually diagnosed. I knew that I couldn't argue it, or even know for sure that that's what I was struggling with, without a diagnosis. So, I quietly shamed myself for speaking out and moved on. &#x200B; Welp. On Monday, I asked my therapist if she had diagnosed me with anything. She asked, ""Would you like to be diagnosed with something?"" and I told her that I just wanted to figure out why I feel so on-the-outside/different from other people. I've always called it, ""constantly feeling alone in a crowded room."" She calls it ""disassociation."" I've obviously heard this term before, but had no idea that was what I was referring to, makes sense now. I thought we would go through a few things to see what I may have, but she went straight to PTSD, which was a bit alarming for me. I instantly heard my brothers words in my head. ""Shut up. You don't have PTSD."" And as we went through the questions and discussion, I heard his words in my head again and again. When we finally finished, she informed me that I do, in fact, have PTSD. I was just kind of like... ""Oh. Okay."" and there came that emotional numbness I'm so fond of. &#x200B; It's nice to know, because it explains a lot. I understand where my anxiety, depression, night terrors, flash backs, hypervigilance, poor concentration and poor memory come from. I just thought I got dealt a shit hand or something! It's really nice to be able to say, NO, I am this way because of *this* and it **can** be dealt with/managed. I'm really happy to finally feel like I'm a part of a community and to be able to understand myself a bit more. I'm really happy to find this subreddit and read through all the tools & peoples stories. Glad to know I'm not alone.",1.4300775193798465,3.9287700956072378,3.009478036175711,88.80367441860464,84.4780361757106,6.54077519379845,24.103875968992252,7.793537801064563,1.412144806201551,1525,60,315,30,45,500,188,387,0.125,0.767,0.10800000000000001,-0.4043,1,2,2,0,0,0,92.0,3,3,0,0,17,21,3,4,14,1,29,8,4,3,4,67,65,25,0,5,10,2,4,3,0,3,4,7,1,0,26,22,0,0,19,1,3,7,9,9,0,0,24,12,49,12,48,33,9,39,0,1,1,0,34,16,1,6,18,208,75,1,0.15749012282644484,0.0,0.15368764165526988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980274573769246,0.0,0.0,0.1631122707122656,0.0,0.0,0.06552219923114833,0.255960723425662,0.19136773738709267,0.0,0.0,0.060239756446403926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480047602901813,0.0,0.14723200523888127,0.0,0.0,0.060550091584206975,0.0,0.1440067756567947,0.0,0.06700624741482869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171938424542282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081502385713906,0.09006337233300497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783189784324352,0.0,0.08509543669211919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782300600893966,0.2397737392916997,0.0,0.08227182914484334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857759529436875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052010370401071725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944760722465933,0.05625548760761333,0.0,0.17252273149998315,0.07197155954461484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950526616357338,0.0,0.06297961911041403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16765116426568485,0.0,0.0,0.16163030192146785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086122835653418,0.0,0.08889358945371026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200086384534512,0.17310490556576494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541257831943284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694623526347755,0.0,0.0,0.05256293995874888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369353829404327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389690579955642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527322786030367,0.0,0.10918382131207786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681950514531371,0.0,0.08821249043672189,0.0,0.07876637094517215,0.0,0.15133830817153976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490458584159404,0.06262123343113096,0.0,0.0,0.0627496187888685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083067394373389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124359082304427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232143557495078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421628847243944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142908557582942,0.10462943960734224,0.0,0.0,0.1250295657067678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07524428072580527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395277204982134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04644587743570932,0.0625041644689089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599492168613712,0.07105516991463695,0.0,0.0,0.0759074291782769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118764646435356,0.0,0.19136773738709267,0.050709237791863516 ptsd,sugerplum1972,2019/05/01,"Is it possible to have PTSD from an event that happened years ago and you suddenly feel triggered by something? I have a psychiatrist and I just started seeing a therapist again recently. Unfortunately, it will be a month until I can see them again and I had a bizarre situation that happened last night where I was panicking about a situation I was in. I knew I was safe and that I was making a mountain out of a mole hill, but there were certain aspects of what was happening that reminded me of an upsetting event, an event that I knew made me uncomfortable but I never thought in such a specific way. This is also the first time I’ve felt like this since said event. I apologize for not being more detailed but I didn’t want to post or say anything triggering. I just want to know if this is a possible sign of PTSD. Despite never having said symptoms before.",5.036004016064258,6.465280210843378,5.9411445783132555,77.10621485943778,69.18072289156626,9.629718875502007,32.50803212851406,9.928628108626363,3.320222489959839,689,31,128,17,12,227,103,166,0.083,0.838,0.08,-0.3612,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,1,9,4,0,1,13,0,18,1,0,4,3,30,36,11,0,3,8,0,2,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,11,5,0,1,6,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,15,7,18,3,15,18,1,25,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,2,20,97,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252253034445632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297173857486605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625129052343487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020841840140467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142920001382286,0.0,0.1356391576482859,0.0,0.0,0.12016224400845905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747677146185066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763704027014387,0.11515204036375215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901626857526423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336709251917935,0.09429729499477824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127585402722792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179087373761022,0.0,0.0,0.13257017835856938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185162397546608,0.13529541848533622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302687921351235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948482334008602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268755888963202,0.11234175497844012,0.0,0.0,0.22514415359519607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685811152499245,0.3175816552657052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875478672843744,0.0,0.0,0.09999001394402224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683124363397307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402270231484256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215078389615177,0.08237433915054312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666467137981086,0.11213173463950836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09097177514751646 ptsd,reiligha,2019/05/01,"How to respond to all the questions? I was just recently diagnosed with PTSD, like within the last month. So far my spouse has been supportive, but she understands it less than I do, and my family was all rather not surprised with the diagnoses. It put me out of work for a long time when I just didn't understand what was happening and was freaking out all the time, but I'm supposed to go back to work soon and I feel good about that. But I'm dealing with a lot of people that want to pry into why I have PTSD as soon as they find out, and unfortunately since I've been out of work a lot of people have found out. But a lot of my family are very right-leaning politically and associate negatively with anyone that says they have PTSD but didn't serve in the military. Also, most of my family has no idea what happened to me, so there's an attitude of, ""Well, what could have happened to you that would have caused PTSD?"" They don't outright say it, but... On the one hand, I want them to understand this is a real thing I'm dealing with, but I don't have any intention of dragging through all of that. But when I dodge the questions, they get this victorious look in their eyes like they've proved I don't really have PTSD. Does anyone have any experience with this?",5.542887139107614,5.554637330708662,6.065968503937008,81.73270603674544,67.4251968503937,10.080419947506565,29.13805774278215,9.888512548439397,2.409717900262468,998,31,212,21,15,324,127,254,0.047,0.879,0.07400000000000001,0.6799,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,6,3,15,7,0,0,13,0,26,4,2,3,5,55,43,21,0,5,12,1,2,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,15,17,0,0,10,0,0,2,8,1,1,1,9,6,23,6,39,32,9,24,0,0,2,0,16,11,0,6,13,156,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362261401265419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252117663486215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874494631942254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079063561201733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457388901086927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350468065398079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898254760033544,0.0,0.18688367447442736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805648052566923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005511580895169,0.2603659357339703,0.0,0.04654973436887809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841437611876432,0.0,0.0,0.1009421441558784,0.0,0.0,0.048099030308839295,0.0,0.05232142938653105,0.07721793613933142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442325766233837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392773214075868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504349607625001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995449952366777,0.0,0.0,0.0814727098511002,0.07730959281313507,0.0,0.0,0.23480558437516816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348367469440067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062384158011725165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764955274232626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5380826238164881,0.0925485747430708,0.20626288428482897,0.0,0.0,0.10478765868022924,0.05897780800222036,0.0,0.09090094070372312,0.0,0.0,0.07862115606442331,0.0,0.14642411931725333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615532652310883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447181150273556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061162455247754065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736515614139906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28752196669144925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596147854001636,0.10860208793108724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277554285838694,0.0,0.08307238701335018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010685159072071,0.0,0.0,0.06539879490625705,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway-ptsd,2019/05/01,"Need advice please Hi..... I’m not sure where to start here.. this is my first ever post and I apologise for it being so long.... I have been in the military for 23 years now, primarily doing bomb disposal. This work has taken me all over the world and the army very kindly made sure a lot of the places were the shitty kind of places were shitty things happen and I was involved in cleaning up or sorting some of this stuff out. For a long time, I used “boxes” to isolate different parts of my life and ignores the bad stuff. Whilst I was on tour or conducting my job at home, I could flick a switch and nothing else existed outside of the task I was conducting, when I got home, I flicked a different switch and nothing else existed outside of whatever I was doing (if I was with my wife, she was the only thing in the world, my kids, my family, the same). This all over spilled following an incident where a guy decided to use an IED to commit suicide. He was still alive when I arrived on scene but he soon bled to death. This wasn’t the first incident where I’d had to deal with death but for some reason, it really affected me. I withdrew from everything and everybody, it caused my relationship at the time to break down, I started looking at other avenues of support, mainly, from girls online. I became what I hated..... I had emotional affairs with these women while I was still with my girlfriend, the mother of my children. I loved her immensely but I didn’t know how to stop. We eventually broke up and a year later, I started seeing a different woman. She instantly recognised that I was compartmentalising my life and suggested I was suffering from PTSD. After a lot of deliberation, I sought help and am now taking medication and being supported by the military medical health system. I have also recently started CBT. Now...... to my main issue....... even though I have fallen madly in love with my current GF, have been engaged to her for nearly a year, am prepping for our wedding early next year, I still look for attachments with other women outside of my relationship. I feel no real connection to these women, they’re just a distraction to how I’m feeling, an ego boost if you will. I still find myself compartmentalising my life and justifying what I’m doing. I struggle to talk to my psychologist about this aspect because I feel like a complete dick for being like this. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to stop being a dick!",5.5219768403639335,6.462330717948718,6.459707747449684,75.63869727047148,67.67521367521367,9.628453267162943,30.695064791838988,9.778596075983213,2.949330217810864,1928,73,352,42,31,641,236,468,0.138,0.7609999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.9542,5,0,0,0,0,2,73.0,2,1,0,3,24,19,2,2,29,0,38,10,2,9,6,64,68,28,3,4,9,2,3,2,2,1,6,0,3,8,22,20,0,3,9,0,0,2,6,8,0,2,21,6,58,11,62,41,10,63,0,2,3,4,33,23,2,9,37,266,80,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036777665904474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577040846936381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867021214203578,0.050135111488533564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448712931752239,0.0,0.0,0.08623115305764592,0.0,0.0,0.06566505327006622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847898384352812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577820784443707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374084322216341,0.09251330561111376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05432131314776697,0.07439430632163149,0.0,0.0,0.07391550448515775,0.0,0.07753221920730331,0.0,0.12475494457675483,0.05875505086867289,0.0,0.0,0.07516942474371646,0.1399132202571945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577795130552258,0.0,0.0,0.0814343806614867,0.07272799959391192,0.0,0.0,0.08119881356770944,0.0,0.08742140830869519,0.0,0.0,0.055126345295617364,0.0,0.16499465322385182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584125267854252,0.08161436957833086,0.0,0.0,0.17128870911631144,0.13559727190183765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17427387352172974,0.08036041991543423,0.0,0.0,0.1455665077333931,0.13812830652946215,0.0,0.0,0.1398416270358462,0.14845664201511602,0.07782115652328275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16570413172090576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098280172401276,0.0,0.0,0.08746730918751132,0.0,0.0,0.1578304596107727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255018377869599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890621173815942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718547189629138,0.09027909295150208,0.0,0.0,0.0787669115308614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613870529670317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361155137417933,0.05268754138866937,0.08456041578517552,0.08120591859595877,0.17659831614218607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553773153022747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328505922956147,0.0,0.2627203045756757,0.13751914799669845,0.0,0.08597917004160538,0.18829915288324295,0.08996146604777984,0.18665878163164085,0.1550277844855847,0.0,0.06183716929071986,0.06610452278577883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927837101634436,0.0,0.08080420355170849,0.0,0.09591414634616376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206462793489127,0.0,0.0678598218565695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05987453084850983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21184947265975526 ptsd,CuriousNess13,2019/05/01,"My mind is my enemy Why can't it just forget and leave it alone? Why does it force me to go through this over and over? I get no sleep. And my life is falling apart. I'm trapped and lost at the same time. I've been doing so well for a few years now. Medicated. But suddenly, as my life is really starting to blossom and I'm becoming closer to what I truly am, what I'd have been, my medication just stops working. Why!? It's not fair. I have a great relationship with a great man. But this is not fair to him and he doesn't understand. His confusion and anger over my sudden change is just making everything worse. I'm about to finish school. I've gone back to college as an adult. I have 3 weeks before I go on my practicum placement at one of the best possible workplaces I could hope to get in to locally. I had amazing grades but I have two assignments due today that I haven't started. I barely left my bed the last two days. I feel if I don't figure this out soon and get back to normal my life with not be worth it if I ruin my relationship and job prospects that I've worked so hard towards the last few years. I wish I had a dog. I miss that feeling of always having someone to count on even if they don't understand and can't help. You always know they would be up for a snuggle and look forward to being with you and are not shy to show it. Anyways. I will do what I can. I got up out of bed and got dressed. I am washing the sheets so I do not have a warm cozy bed to slide back in to. Make some food. Have some coffee. Then do what I can.",0.6891394305593721,2.601614918429004,2.5459873661082137,94.67418200128172,82.59516616314201,5.8248100338734785,20.30220635356587,6.980632752743323,0.22529929506545845,1202,34,282,15,33,399,169,331,0.128,0.799,0.07400000000000001,-0.9065,1,2,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,2,4,15,12,1,1,12,0,37,8,1,2,0,52,62,25,0,8,14,0,4,0,0,2,6,0,3,2,16,18,1,1,6,1,1,6,12,5,1,3,8,5,39,7,40,48,6,45,0,3,1,0,12,19,0,7,22,193,55,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932413691772863,0.0,0.0,0.1756620234300522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24349804489240345,0.0,0.0,0.11657826083816294,0.08982034441350073,0.0,0.11077446405627236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166420575112113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427784209472669,0.0,0.0,0.06807485951272696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237272885761737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971871374286466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486688741013954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674452641076307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763868158612315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544589182124264,0.0,0.11997976522790725,0.0,0.16884548225802007,0.2327516293615065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945574037165008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075193261438033,0.0,0.0,0.10484088206438594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474799926978416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058010793162782875,0.17208438581816826,0.0,0.11176851685103882,0.11468685558413533,0.0,0.223671881198276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864041850864304,0.0,0.11522679568071008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091884123139728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267304223728387,0.0,0.0,0.10658142543899143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342242571324173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152744793048653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899848087395892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762184864529504,0.0,0.0,0.2266551881228798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682826333627687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056321877441691,0.0,0.08943721939599843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494260986010589,0.0,0.0,0.08824950611248787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615505270906205,0.0,0.10005470442301476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20622566323006936,0.2197749466836156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467062126296572,0.0,0.09490748164955956,0.0,0.2857434976733277,0.0,0.12138414062369154,0.0,0.0,0.15369198698714354,0.0,0.10757053756582853,0.07498392294554446,0.0,0.0,0.1359491503893207 ptsd,nomen_redactus,2019/05/01,"Miscarried after rape, triggered by friend's pregnancy? Hi guys. Throwaway account here. I ran into a really weird situation and...I don't know if it's the right sub for it, but I thought it was worth a shot. If you guys know a better sub, please let me know. **Background** When I was 14 I was raped. And then got pregnant. And then a couple of months later miscarried. I didn't really have the tools to deal with it at the time. I knew I was very instinctively, but didn't really cope with it. But ever since then, it's really felt like something's....missing. And I have PTSD-body reactions right around the miscarriage each year. And I started recognizing her would-be-birthday. Then when I was 22 my baby sister was born. That sort of brought a lot of things back, but not in a triggering way? More like a maternal-""okay I can accept that one day I really, really want kids, and I've felt like this for a while""- way. Then when I was 23-24, I was in a situation where I was around kids a lot, and dealing with other stuff that triggered a more...traumatic reaction to it. It started to dawn on me how much this really affected me. **Current situation** And now here I am, 26, and my best friend (who's in her 30s) is pregnant. I'm super, super happy for her and her husband. But when she told me, part of me felt a really intense and crazy heartbreak? I'm not near ready to have kids, but I felt a very powerful feeling of something I really want, and also something I'm really missing? Then last night I cried about it a bit, felt devastated, and had PTSD nightmares all night long. &#x200B; Part of me feels stupid for letting it affect me, because ultimately, the miscarriage was a good thing. I don't know what the hell is going on with me? Or how to cope with it? Because obviously all I want is to be happy and supportive for her. What do I do?",1.34409264201296,3.840869631147545,3.172704282628036,87.4760255432711,84.92896174863387,6.7926293048672,22.172830092769093,7.97965635744439,1.350084076756894,1439,50,292,31,43,479,170,366,0.11800000000000001,0.69,0.192,0.983,2,0,3,0,0,0,80.0,0,1,0,5,16,21,4,0,21,0,28,2,0,7,4,64,56,36,0,5,11,2,7,3,2,0,0,0,0,5,23,22,0,0,14,0,2,3,6,7,0,1,24,7,39,14,35,29,11,46,1,2,0,2,21,13,1,6,31,201,62,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061925440348767326,0.0,0.0839017369745859,0.09409306251826136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786869018746697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059543407166849964,0.0,0.0944083799421176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126417220195907,0.06848573766933623,0.08453991853926515,0.08601379918993142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568132157186463,0.0850596713263358,0.04993973252947709,0.15966597150301728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700451811935155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830780902225133,0.0,0.3717529123595649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965352811198107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044008591624863744,0.0649495370733401,0.06193254222727896,0.0,0.0,0.15334737914363705,0.0,0.16486385527568412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022692460088454,0.06312057242403854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583668549249615,0.0,0.11349376959228845,0.0,0.0,0.06852831160096493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166642164487422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06180857573345866,0.0,0.05692427717269855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533664393468887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05247255218347943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167711010638404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500133594142388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18103678534494286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4960740365337759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322596263474631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640557550569598,0.2611234999625993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119227837743361,0.0,0.0,0.10961902015625953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864554919881791,0.0,0.08787331199933147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288990753243156,0.0,0.0,0.061475434173531976,0.045153480770375364,0.0,0.0,0.07399329591438572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277854113499812,0.13702105409023235,0.122929984653127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05500822304614999,0.0,0.09409306251826136,0.04986616393077566 ptsd,anitasnackita,2019/05/01,Birthday and rape anniversary on same day My birthday and the two year anniversary of my rape are coming up this Saturday. Trying really hard to just be excited to celebrate another year of life but I can’t get this horrible knot out of my stomach. Plus my therapist forgot about our appointment this week and I’m not sure I’ll be able to see her before the weekend. Worried I won’t be able to enjoy my birthday at all,4.610401606425705,5.933968373493979,6.01222891566265,76.5965763052209,70.0843373493976,10.35261044176707,31.90562248995984,10.504223727775694,3.670583935742972,337,15,62,10,6,114,57,83,0.191,0.721,0.08900000000000001,-0.8634,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,2,0,6,4,1,0,2,13,11,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,2,9,3,13,6,2,11,0,0,1,2,2,4,0,0,6,42,12,0,0.491081693047098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574709866807413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20893717545365645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21151169760764474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583535329202741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828495798384631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199563693477352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343276140510686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572997537156955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956642643987019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23141934199188735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28509184787293285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670611706501756,0.0,0.23985772857307794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19695805628564572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493586484809882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162405095765759 ptsd,notsureanymore44,2019/05/01,"Super triggered by Game Of Thrones fanatics I am a rape survivor and have heard the horrors of the GOT, ""Game Of Thrones' series. I did research on it as I has horrified how people could watch it as a form of entertainment and even more horrified by the stats on number of rapes and sexual violence in the books and shows. Now it has become my number one trigger. I can't comprehended how people have become so desensitized that they watch this as a form of entertainment. I can't get past it. And I can not get away from it, it is all everyone and anyone talks about and I feel so hurt and angry I can not escape hearing of this show. IDK if this is more of a vent or what I'm asking if you. I just need to voice my deep pain in regards to it, so thanks for the opportunity.. ;(",3.876375143843497,4.7655841518987385,5.321944764096664,82.49008630609899,71.40506329113923,8.530264672036825,26.38895281933257,8.841846274778883,1.7843215189873414,608,19,128,11,11,205,91,158,0.213,0.6859999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.9737,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,2,9,9,2,0,9,0,13,3,0,4,1,22,23,19,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,12,8,0,0,1,7,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,6,13,5,23,19,5,8,0,1,2,2,8,6,0,3,2,97,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641540366018486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091281828123661,0.0,0.2101723882544958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.494115503517389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17860529091184846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477509490103967,0.0,0.0,0.21375379177482928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310883572109605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337467825029673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891236728599114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25212480786116986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23947419425943675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16586982725409566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158409764986125,0.0,0.2380312973355852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135458186182644,0.3101691660920889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17980062353996526,0.0,0.20595180205970495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blackKat007,2019/05/01,"Feeling simultaneously exhausted by too many people and needing/wanting to feel connected to others - anyone else feel this way? I crave connection, but any time I seek it out I get exhausted and need so much alone time to ""recover"" from something that's supposed to be enjoyable.... how do I get past this?",6.254636363636365,8.0256446,6.936136363636365,69.82420454545455,66.63636363636364,10.590909090909092,35.56818181818181,10.686352973137794,4.338363636363635,243,12,40,7,4,80,43,55,0.152,0.825,0.023,-0.7922,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,9,8,5,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,4,1,7,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844499997487238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18676841741586225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192038580523015,0.28140686038319457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294311465026905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4166071834653828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869819676533429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784475182722974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20189610784949127,0.20364622301954546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621802899487416,0.19040466918378707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114355911333404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202961012834049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800088356121908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chezburgerdreams,2019/05/01,"Medical marijuana Medical MJ was legalized in Ohio recently but dispensaries are still slow to get supply. One is opening up a block from my house and it’s got me thinking about considering if it may be right for me (or not). PTSD is one of the limited diagnosies that qualify for a medical mj card. Part of my trauma is related to drug use so I am very fearful of anything that may make me feel intoxicated. I have been on benzodiazepines for about 20 years. They work so well and I’m grateful I have access to them. I’d love to hear people’s experience with medical marijuana/CBD. If I don’t have to use such powerful benzos that would be ideal so I’m just sort of starting to think if this would work for me. Most importantly I cannot get high. That would be very bad.",2.8182467532467537,4.914304720779223,4.944155844155844,79.20766233766237,76.46753246753245,9.335064935064935,27.233766233766232,9.784248007369934,2.8453038961038963,613,25,123,19,14,212,99,154,0.11699999999999999,0.738,0.145,0.7075,1,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,5,9,6,0,1,3,0,20,7,0,3,0,27,34,10,0,7,7,0,1,0,0,5,6,1,0,0,7,4,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,3,1,2,3,2,13,3,21,23,2,11,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,8,5,83,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151424327729284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682755311715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622630527602448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686884001639485,0.0,0.15744916635449904,0.07074787577483009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462050972928705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190699519303143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577002757794995,0.0,0.0,0.1478334121578196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144916702499185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628347641289608,0.0,0.09339784445159756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5638196722128674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18962714701468555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515199811470334,0.0,0.0970030744811786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355926899473314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381543535728923,0.0,0.0,0.11949111757419915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903626365500737,0.0,0.1117404817182012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931047580699047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416923196888151,0.0,0.23089769771122426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12580509647880134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372719742296536,0.0,0.0,0.29818596479112264,0.0,0.0,0.09010404492709947 ptsd,dancintree,2019/05/01,"Something I've learned that is important for my self validation: absolutely no one, and I mean no one, gets to have any say on dictating what my reality was in those traumatic situations It seems like everyone has an opinion and they want to tell me how it's my fault and how I did something wrong. Yeah right, they're not there in the situation and they have no idea what's going on. My opinion and understanding of my experiences and my role of them is the only one I care about. I am self-aware and humble enough to admit when I'm wrong so I don't need anyone else's criticism on me. They are making up their own story in their own head that is only a reflection of who they are inside. I don't know about anyone else but this is what I know about my life and I'm sticking to it. Their bullshit rolls like water off my back. I can't hear those stupid lies anymore. I've just got the beautiful noise of my own self through my ears now.",3.5951369356032568,4.688871507772023,4.826843079200593,85.01037564766841,72.2642487046632,8.415840118430793,25.70281273131014,8.841846274778883,1.6514222057735015,743,23,161,14,14,246,110,193,0.12300000000000001,0.769,0.109,-0.40700000000000003,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,8,0,11,7,1,0,5,1,15,4,2,3,0,27,31,13,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,2,12,8,1,0,9,0,0,1,7,4,0,3,3,3,28,3,21,28,4,13,0,0,0,0,16,9,0,3,5,109,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970271963548464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081839424222724,0.18446783654536034,0.2703129474428131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142996499933099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13449013114432462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22038627402997674,0.0,0.0,0.13629737440553924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12604480952443173,0.0,0.12903242308170554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689170667638296,0.0,0.0749669882959761,0.0,0.10549976713341012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537680487176834,0.0,0.14867115628396196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890933161373548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498759666061034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317130694540304,0.12888825844458254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805035666813782,0.0,0.0,0.14368769364036516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780893526378508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681550847341671,0.2006456477233092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264966105866762,0.0,0.10489942044598376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008510156472553,0.4128299169221129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965427377206463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310015809756687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152943781707889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732203779931304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778034120083142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884438134489656,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PixiePiichi,2019/03/24,"My Partners Friend Reminds Me Of My Attacker TW: R*pe mention Hi, I have never posted here so please tell me if i’m doing this wrong. I’m literally crying on a bus right now and my friends are busy and I don’t know where to go. I was really brutally drugged and r*ped by someone I thought was a friend 4 years ago and developed C-PTSD from my attack. I have been in treatment since it happened and most of it is under control, but a huge new trigger has came up and I don’t know how to handle it. My partner recently made a new friend and the resemblance is uncanny. I felt my stomach sink when i first met him. He looks and acts just like the man who hurt me. I told my partner I did not like him (which is true, he is not a great person to begin with and he gives me a horrible feeling. ) and they did not really acknowledge it. Anyways, fast forward to now, i’m having panic attacks on my way home because they are hanging out at my house (we live together) and I can’t handle seeing his face. I just really don’t know what to do because I don’t want to have to deal with anymore. Is it fair to bring all this up to my partner and ask if they can not be friends with him anymore? What should I do? 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I feel so alone and hurt. I feel like I can’t trust anyone. I feel hopeless. I don’t know if I can do this. 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For background info, I’m a 19 year old female college student with PTSD. I’m curious as to whether or not people with PTSD typically experience physical pain along with emotional and mental pain. I was diagnosed with PTSD last year and along with a chronic illness I’ve had for 5 years now, I’ve always had all over chills, aches, nausea, stomach and leg cramps, weird sharp pains all over my body, loss of appetite, tightening of my chest and throat along with trouble swallowing, and severe fatigue. While these symptoms are sometimes typical for someone who has my chronic illness, I notice that they don’t always correlate to when my chronic illness is bad and my doctors always just blame them on my chronic illness and then don’t treat them or offer any solutions. These symptoms usually flare up during a depressive episode or when I’m talking to someone or thinking about a traumatic event. Are there any studies/research about physical pain from PTSD? What can I do (besides therapy, which I am starting soon) to help regulate these symptoms?",12.429850000000002,9.680829085000003,10.739,62.59700000000001,55.65,13.6,50.0,11.698219412168324,6.016349999999999,907,50,139,18,8,281,119,200,0.243,0.6970000000000001,0.06,-0.9901,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,3,2,9,14,0,0,4,0,13,27,5,1,2,29,18,18,0,0,8,0,1,1,0,0,21,0,0,0,7,16,1,0,3,0,0,0,3,12,0,0,3,1,13,2,27,15,2,19,0,4,0,0,7,5,0,5,15,89,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431150623314638,0.0,0.0,0.13246046664743388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131866154542007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081811014665876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388400942405115,0.0988513278406535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968534097956776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955344322917868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526854393883223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06528013348871202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793878786234724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04758105141159757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981487235441774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088199603591503,0.10219703568108357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5181623832796703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751969010846445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5692330483315822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002579268263096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504068243199713,0.0,0.09632366350098737,0.0,0.06893490610737013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30368426588687675,0.0,0.07828039476446702,0.0,0.0,0.11137680081544027,0.0,0.0,0.06240517542584908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726406886402623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881527123816271 ptsd,ijustneedathrowaway3,2019/03/24,"Need to Vent My trauma was back like 5 years ago now. I've done years of therapy, multiple types of therapy and multiple therapists. And I felt really good. But now I'm sitting on my couch, fixated on the idea of my abusive ex and what he might be up to. Wondering why it's been over a year since he reached out even though he used to harass me once a month to try to get me to talk to him again. It's like I miss it. And I absolutely hate myself for it. I'm in a healthy, long-term relationship now and this feels so unfair to my partner. I want to be able to leave to the past in the past but it's like even after all these years he still has a hold on me. I just want to be free. ",1.9045818181818177,2.64813964,3.888181818181817,91.47409090909092,75.93333333333334,8.121212121212123,22.96969696969697,8.575989854853784,1.0279333333333334,526,14,132,10,11,180,89,150,0.09300000000000001,0.78,0.126,0.6065,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,11,9,2,0,7,0,8,0,0,1,1,20,20,9,0,3,3,1,2,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,8,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,4,2,14,6,25,12,1,24,0,1,0,0,9,8,0,2,18,81,22,1,0.1500414727473131,0.17777461024237695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300271260606308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153726310352918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535445199071713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820195534953786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586547686287075,0.0,0.1440633434824126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839047677705821,0.0,0.0,0.12584766867098812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813489115592354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937855962088452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588722553609997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199080540904195,0.0,0.0,0.13278198185157533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591702917275731,0.0,0.0,0.119761672067757,0.0,0.0,0.11125385087353472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597892716519542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864631265676641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612040947341544,0.0,0.0,0.16108839027695704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411585674237492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11982331395247582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059765232431645,0.0,0.0,0.3431710006611273,0.1742097143051322,0.0,0.0,0.14741498517206833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186831101448664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958765819092466,0.0,0.0,0.17699669613375554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353890916962639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16271357685374466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3864871565854077 ptsd,GodlessCommie69,2019/03/24,"Hey y’all, my girlfriend appears to be suffering from ptsd. Help (slightly NSFW) She and I have been dating for almost a year, and I’ve known this for some time but she sometimes doesn’t believe that, reason being she got it from a long distance “relationship” (I don’t even wanna call it that because it wasn’t) with some 20 year old guy when she was 12. I was wondering if anyone else had anything to say to reassure her about what happened being totally reasonable to have ptsd over ",4.62534954407295,6.1408079787234096,5.213100303951368,81.60500000000002,70.27659574468085,7.924620060790273,29.386018237082077,8.418075326091056,2.2051507598784195,386,15,71,6,7,124,69,94,0.023,0.9209999999999999,0.055999999999999994,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,12,0,0,2,1,15,16,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,6,1,10,1,12,7,3,9,0,1,0,0,14,1,0,6,7,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912840842546803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13356921949190384,0.19572783030723234,0.1571974138799188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644715235474777,0.0,0.0,0.21521991801285864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19505802590137808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957699271696266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12617030341449842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278025499173795,0.0,0.0,0.18914492159794014,0.16892290049270642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804012475104104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905123775037212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004487506149968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4465963326094858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3928113183659411,0.0,0.20508951127100167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191085857048844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892874802831625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138829535765332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071586158177943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24602785439826566 ptsd,Lugash,2019/03/24,"Ketamine Infusion Therapy Howdy, new here. Is this community familiar with ketamine as treatment for PTSD? I did a search, but didn't see anything. I don't want to spam or intrude, but if y'all are interested I could post some general information. I'm a patient, btw, not a provider. :)",3.8652830188679235,6.369574773584912,5.464754716981133,74.76279245283024,74.84905660377359,9.52301886792453,37.01509433962264,9.888512548439397,4.411093584905659,225,14,40,7,5,76,44,53,0.09,0.7879999999999999,0.122,0.3944,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,11,9,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,4,1,4,6,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,1,25,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150687417895656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30568991422944386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697774741441983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3666828736277508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44755362423007344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30509719451336026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4378443153134094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582618310439964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,atStringPlease,2019/03/24,"I guess we're never ""fixed"" It's crazy how you can have so many good days in a row, and maybe even (stupidly) let yourself think you're better and that THAT life is behind you now, then bam, it hits at 9 am on a Sunday morning. You're left sobbing in the corner with your dogs looking at you confused, yet protective, because they've seen this before.",8.646291079812206,5.723100014084507,7.9329577464788725,80.34009389671363,62.94366197183098,10.030046948356807,34.93427230046949,6.42735559955562,2.1907990610328643,275,8,57,1,3,86,59,71,0.07,0.8140000000000001,0.11599999999999999,0.4963,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,4,0,1,5,5,1,1,3,0,5,1,0,1,1,8,10,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,5,2,7,7,0,13,0,1,2,0,4,7,1,2,6,34,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280498951162347,0.0,0.2551770838562565,0.0,0.0,0.265220832388282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339877004269185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806891388894787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515263888810763,0.0,0.0,0.3303533001841853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258221459258225,0.30664916897521144,0.21181518417869752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518249473939209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30403279021893714,0.3012712908859097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.231287113206802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19215196756425826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,6rynn,2019/03/24,"Weird trigger??? Hi, I've [17F] been experiencing trouble with a certain trigger recently. I have CPTSD following two cases of intimate partner violence, which was mostly sexual. I've noticed that whenever I eat I gag and then begin to cry. I’m sure you can assume why gagging triggers me, It's just come about within the past year and it's hindering my ability to eat. I avoid eating at most costs, as every time I eat I get triggered. Does anyone else have this trigger? How do you get over it? Thanks",3.3811458333333317,5.741022322916668,5.040833333333335,77.92083333333336,75.77083333333334,8.016666666666666,29.416666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.804091666666668,397,18,69,9,9,134,75,96,0.17,0.7340000000000001,0.095,-0.8205,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,3,6,0,1,2,0,6,4,0,6,2,17,13,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,4,4,1,1,0,1,2,0,3,0,1,2,1,10,3,9,11,2,11,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,6,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569189611154338,0.1841846662479422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548467371468025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745717210218944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573085922525757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.73575464503133,0.15016584559430446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15145498000188135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878336507483573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046571771837587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160061106982702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774906421107463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942103167540648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16549823037066344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481910504077403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559873552658814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622048264685124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575910839790128 ptsd,OverworkedAdmin145,2019/03/24,"hi...new here. Diagnosed with PTSD recently, realizing I can no longer work as a first responder. Struggling with identity and purpose. Before anyone worries, I will spare the fine details of what brought me to this point, im not sure I even remember them all anymore. And yes i am seeing a psychiatrist and now a therapist too. Just needing to vent. I entered EMT school at 17. 22 now, paramedic, and the warning signs ive pushed off for years have caved in collapsing onto my life all at once. I cant pinpoint a specific event or memory that broke me. Theres too many of them. I re-live a different one every night, wake up to respond to “phantom tones” until i realize that im at home, and lately the nightmares have decided to creep into the daylight as i have begun having flashbacks (i think thats what they are). A child could be playing outside and scream happily but i wont understand that. Ill hear the scream and my heart races, i sweat, my hair stands up, im suddenly aware of everything around me, “its happening again, not again please not another one” as i rush out the door expecting to find the same sort of scene as the dozens that haunt me. I used to be so well-tempered. Now i lash out at people wildly and it makes no sense why. Ive lost interest in all my hobbies i once had. I have based my entire identity and purpose around my work. Ive given so much.. sleepless nights during 48 hour shifts, constant Tears that i held in until alone because I had to be strong for others in the most tragic of moments, ive been assaulted countless times by patients i was helping. Despite how much the field took from me i woke up every day with the feeling that some sort of God or higher power had given me this mission. That it was much more than myself and so with motivation i woke every day ready to “save the world” one person at a time”. It felt good to feel like life had a meaning. To be unable to do it anymore has me so lost. Who am I now? The things i used to identify by i havent done for years nor have any interest in, my true personality is masked by symptoms causing me to act differently. What sort of life am I supposed to live now when i want for nothing else? I dont just feel lost, i feel utterly broken. Im not sure what to do but take my meds go to therapy and find hobbies as my doc has instructed..it all feels fucking pointless. I feel like i turned my back on the world. And yet ironically feel like its turned its back on me. Idk anymore",4.081792207792205,5.127673652525253,5.0630880230880235,83.9527272727273,71.06060606060606,8.323809523809524,28.890331890331893,8.676224119757912,2.083039249639249,1938,73,395,33,35,635,259,495,0.111,0.774,0.11599999999999999,0.7643,3,1,0,1,0,0,56.0,0,0,3,9,26,23,2,1,22,1,38,11,4,6,7,74,72,30,0,4,10,0,9,3,0,2,6,3,2,3,24,21,0,1,18,1,0,7,11,10,0,5,19,13,58,13,66,46,11,63,0,5,1,1,11,25,1,7,33,266,82,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955806962853597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05223742228971228,0.08054813209172693,0.0,0.0,0.22854209095540215,0.053711438826196674,0.0,0.0,0.13676481141733154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813331716209932,0.0,0.04682623829037163,0.0,0.06536464331098274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891105320064114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830106606677655,0.0,0.061331217593428876,0.0,0.0,0.09907975614098924,0.0,0.0,0.07796648595622391,0.0,0.16051245888468316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860929973568692,0.09002762161887076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416979836364996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05073615432739182,0.0,0.19416203776752786,0.0,0.06903714629549873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718828656168786,0.16463180779214764,0.07375527668184312,0.0,0.14041661784294482,0.06533953547939217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101502934574981,0.0,0.0,0.0436562262695957,0.06442950301043651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792801568109534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657706259814417,0.09102716981181344,0.05148805506257366,0.0,0.07705257572095313,0.0,0.07564815359151576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318972632295992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665164151964211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277195137346048,0.11258505447629498,0.0,0.06782981607684402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515607721853163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05127518633463838,0.07787923032578546,0.0,0.08367499626574737,0.08532510905488082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940549784014156,0.05695799052518737,0.0,0.07418924103221829,0.0,0.14417297119982725,0.0,0.07370689414845749,0.0,0.0,0.16361277833203752,0.15615725428742835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325444873230326,0.1341453006849612,0.0,0.08432075233646394,0.07261582145322493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979363542815395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584639949653996,0.0,0.0870174006228513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774175632595216,0.06121229897627178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030462055115611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479608726133306,0.07984109594549416,0.05775597058503708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784563613170747,0.08918913978147729,0.051033047391999084,0.04922050456700255,0.0,0.0,0.08958389717055383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534525237425827,0.0,0.1671072056548828,0.0,0.07996802446298308,0.0,0.13268848762475913,0.0,0.0,0.0453079873740087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906668779856792,0.0,0.06931437016787295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184572910255776,0.07801023958076718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989337970328849 ptsd,theprosshplayer,2019/03/24,"I’m wondering if anyone has trouble relating their ptsd to their ptsd symptoms? (Possible trigger warning) Does anyone have problems identifying with their own ptsd? I’m sorry if this is vague, I’ll give an example. When I was 18 I went through a heat exhaustion episode in public. People were surrounding me and looking at me until the hospital arrived. This occurred late at night and as a result I have a very difficult time being in public during the night as it triggers my ptsd. However, during the moment I’ll have hot flashes, my throat will feel dry, and I will begin to become nauseas and panic. Unfortunately i don’t think “oh this is a ptsd trigger!” I tend to think “I’m going to die I need to get out of here” does anyone have any advice on how to change my way of thinking during these episodes? It’s ruining my life right now and could use some insight. Thank you ahead of time.",3.718391472868216,5.856202738372094,4.8668837209302325,80.59284496124032,73.94186046511628,7.609922480620155,28.327131782945727,8.447377352677275,2.2770522480620152,709,29,127,13,15,233,110,172,0.151,0.835,0.015,-0.9653,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,3,1,4,7,0,1,8,0,14,4,1,6,0,25,32,12,1,5,2,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,3,3,17,1,21,25,2,22,0,1,1,0,7,8,0,4,11,79,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475115989949343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985637324962176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463291938233929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12969212194887828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422528596221975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375823670685188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187371839683725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552743075115448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059376096525656924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06135228707808781,0.11264948073135107,0.06673813038323216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246606598441854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294422614856747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861155831430307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707279860981124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204000522228637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777871082104914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08141112154393558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238459196660576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11236457531711493,0.6863464688612047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028451106610356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314531826377528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205465122535168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811369421999326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257330556495335,0.0,0.0,0.136948662779181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142174832942877,0.0,0.09689198323415336,0.0,0.09321040552402043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885871341885964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273477403004523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,random_stranger7,2019/03/24,"Deleting the memory? If you had given the option would you delete it from your memory? Is it one of the reasons of why you became who you’re today? (Shaped your personality in a way) (I know it’s not actually possible but I do wonder that about myself)",1.3882666666666699,3.9329323600000015,4.416,78.24466666666667,85.4,7.333333333333335,18.333333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.3305333333333338,198,5,37,5,6,71,39,50,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,7,2,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,8,0,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,1,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.32845024540945833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18497371715218533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22807303952878374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938857365800728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794395860258821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460568390278861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190352964793078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26715886765931546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30370806324716626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650030048294756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23909438567698815,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,poodlepuzzles,2019/03/24,"I think March is cursed. (TW) TW: suicide, grandparent in hospital This weekend is my birthday. This week last year, my mother planned to commit suicide shortly after we got away from a bad situation. We were able to interrupt her plans just in time. My PTSD - understandably - is acting up, and I have a chronic pain condition that I’m not managing well because I don’t have full mental capacity right now. I had hoped I could start to make progress past it. So, here we are a year later. I have a grandparent in the hospital who is not doing well. I feel guilty for not showing up at the hospital, but the hospital is triggering. Being around my family is triggering. Leaving my house is difficult because of health issues and because my brain is forcing me to remember things I don’t want to think about. I want to pretend my birthday doesn’t exist, because it’s *not important* compared to everything else. And because *I’m* not important. But then I feel like that’s selfish thinking, which brings me right back to feeling guilty for not showing up...I kind of feel guilty for posting this, honestly. ",3.2867982261640805,6.063536307317076,4.27628603104213,81.00046008869181,78.60975609756099,7.824833702882483,30.781596452328163,8.710501217029153,3.0244146341463414,873,44,152,21,22,282,116,205,0.162,0.754,0.084,-0.9398,2,0,0,0,0,3,34.0,3,0,0,3,9,10,0,0,7,0,20,4,1,3,1,33,37,7,2,4,9,1,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,9,4,0,2,9,4,2,0,3,4,23,6,24,32,1,29,0,0,0,0,6,12,0,1,15,104,33,1,0.12970067105463773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546109537773,0.0,0.0,0.12185804994084112,0.09973181009638177,0.10829464272997327,0.39532162618401095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478884348425802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355543199747086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834826783954704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165665999963604,0.0,0.12227024960619218,0.0,0.2623222254173891,0.09265818531685266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373347502418198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378657482542706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882203154858302,0.0,0.14965716045161825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353738032888001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350632900264064,0.0,0.10572335782749524,0.0,0.13733428334836462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06336519644334525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657620507118705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070777049967613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801065857937445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381396645848708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421739029340312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516131437178928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692557667013972,0.22152732881646786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578898851050429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180280253816288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28374296572604474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616736266119858,0.2493208587847541,0.0,0.0,0.07562950431712652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502297270771588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300163243307674,0.0,0.104038054896155,0.0,0.23323295940504699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670459595112975 ptsd,Vista101,2019/03/24,I need jail to be incarcerated. I'm tired of freedom.it causes to much anxiety ptsd and depression for me. I need help being locked up in jail I can seem to get a cop to arrest me.,2.3799122807017525,3.680699973684217,4.876315789473686,82.66254385964915,75.57894736842105,8.224561403508767,23.19298245614036,8.841846274778883,1.4681298245614034,141,4,31,3,3,50,29,38,0.258,0.6759999999999999,0.065,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,8,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,8,6,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,19,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25004178768224145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357682512001815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815181645620852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076729592210568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908279645060608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402746951425317,0.4847149821176962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820738757593081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29755485887136274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3756696477920178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fozziecoyote,2018/12/08,"Trying to find a word to describe a PTSD experience. I was in an induced coma on life support for 10 days. During those 10 days, I experienced a time dilated, hallucinogenic nightmare. I clearly remember what it was like to be insane. I clearly remember how much everything hurt. It was/is like being in the weirdest and most frightening episode of Dr. Who - only worse. I’m still expecting Rod Serling to walk through a door. That headspace from the ICU is still with me, day and night. Daytime I can (mostly) hold it at bay. Nighttime it haunts me. I have to rebuild myself every morning. My question is - what name or label can be used to refer to it? &#x200B; Thanks, fozzie",3.0314285714285703,5.831088968253969,4.027936507936508,82.21428571428574,79.95238095238095,6.457142857142857,29.63492063492064,7.7094869923839395,2.3006730158730164,534,26,92,9,14,172,90,126,0.12300000000000001,0.758,0.11900000000000001,-0.1513,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,7,0,10,3,0,3,2,20,14,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,10,3,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,10,4,16,9,3,12,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,4,9,62,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521606314380666,0.2189284500691913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34858770498919084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180250689509794,0.0,0.16192679058748066,0.17624258644544435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467375530801245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287763150301895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272606661673115,0.17604567509623695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324469991643569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907902316764398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702876792209612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061118514122726,0.0,0.2018336431390284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081990396246161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287770854291111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20445681630063275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587798074818716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505962177996683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223248211005839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556105814181429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836104502353781,0.0,0.0,0.2189284500691913,0.0 ptsd,_plot-twist_,2018/12/08,"For those that have experienced a panic attack - what was the situation? If you've had multiple, what was the most recent and how often do you have them? Mostly I'm just feeling like a nut case and I'm hoping to be able to relate to others here. My most recent panic attack was last night at a retirement party, and I feel ridiculous for it. Everything was fine until I started watching people dancing and drinking. Within just a couple minutes I couldn't take it and my husband and I slipped out the back door early. Panic attack hit hard as soon as we made it in the car. I'm not looking forward to questions about why we left so early. :/",4.484761904761903,5.698553825396829,5.696984126984128,79.15357142857142,70.26984126984127,7.187301587301588,27.49206349206349,7.3871296695380915,1.6478634920634918,506,17,90,5,9,169,84,126,0.19,0.728,0.08199999999999999,-0.9417,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,2,1,1,0,9,10,4,3,8,0,10,1,0,2,0,24,21,12,0,3,4,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,9,1,0,3,2,0,3,2,7,0,0,6,6,10,3,14,12,3,18,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,7,12,69,18,0,0.14859907045346105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5071586852974486,0.0,0.11426351270549967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442204505726288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14557051678742547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13355126280019505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502723098475189,0.10615920562345077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311557929428602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475924063182507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112807567330375,0.0,0.0,0.16145332484269748,0.0,0.0,0.07259799979458448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478579354867488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060803343827527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945016124347312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5230469751563885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301988508454712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16646496740277636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934473098947148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16703158124667702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517918690217792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172800759850557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13408754797738742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anonymous4094i0942,2018/12/08,"Why are therapists so horrified and terrified of my life? Can't find one because their response to the reality of my life is wide-eyed terror and horror. ""See a therapist!"" ""See a councellor!"" Yeah, I'd love to see one who isn't traumatized by what I have to tell them. I don't blame them, they're only human. AHUUUUUUUUUUUARHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH GOD THIS IS HELL. That's what therapists are to my life. Wide-eyed horror. ",1.8355926352128868,4.640851063291142,5.732428078250862,66.75558112773305,89.0,7.42968929804373,21.105868814729575,8.296473431620573,1.7284582278481009,330,11,63,9,11,124,53,79,0.27,0.588,0.142,-0.9454,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,0,1,3,1,1,3,1,8,4,0,0,0,3,12,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,0,3,8,1,7,12,0,0,1,0,3,1,7,0,1,0,0,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11448264766790422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716480628611373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979513332621626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694990689874482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545196393599825,0.14283224747065518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.448962781070791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641476437861687,0.0,0.0,0.6541594566334717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946252588226673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fuck_your_cool,2018/12/08,"The Mask I Wear The mask I wear gets to experience the good. The mask that I wear gets all the credit. The young woman underneath doesn’t feel anything good or experience the good. The young woman underneath hears the kind words, but that’s all, she just hears them. Oh but how this mask has everyone fooled. The mask was nominated to be student diplomat at the college she started attending a month ago. The mask gets hit on and admired by the men at the work party and intimidates a room with it’s looks and attitude. It looks so normal. The young woman is screaming inside, but nothing comes out. She has no friends, and is quiet. She can’t stand hearing compliments, she believes not one single word. She has spent so many years hating herself more and more each year, that the thought of anyone having anything nice to say to her, makes her run. The young woman is so scared of everyone, that she sits by herself everywhere, focusing only on the work in front of her. She doesn’t make a move, for fear of making the wrong move. There are times when the mask hears the complete opposite of what the young woman is thinking. She is so detached from the mask, that she often is confused on if she is even real, if she even exists anymore....",5.036411020104247,6.4150190843881845,5.082501861504094,83.4543261355175,69.12658227848101,7.9393397865475315,28.28716803176967,8.313332769828598,1.8933486721270785,981,34,186,14,17,306,126,237,0.134,0.758,0.10800000000000001,-0.8791,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,1,2,11,16,1,3,26,0,17,3,3,4,2,32,37,17,0,3,8,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,1,6,9,9,0,0,3,0,2,6,5,7,0,1,3,10,21,9,23,32,6,30,0,0,2,0,30,10,0,5,12,127,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147343304055337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135264846559565,0.08004220330172962,0.0,0.18840309778175007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897190309037476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860837809555156,0.12002279265773505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121671167894088,0.0,0.0,0.2187677691249229,0.0,0.2239531754530231,0.0,0.12881398269064592,0.0578810028434204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844157801563465,0.0,0.1794222983965949,0.0,0.0,0.2880436360276109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301841642284688,0.0,0.0,0.5160776919919227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920604381304432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922570266881028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292349066766834,0.11605768385557423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137127937673548,0.2433334266225482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215926320654862,0.10983995839806958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756988683645798,0.08706189668314987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13029536800280336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103354703795627,0.11460747171603156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810245989075561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334969457649704,0.0,0.09087879803118028,0.06675014360618327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667545653032784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515828661291345,0.0,0.14743375468199066 ptsd,NornIronHope,2018/12/08,"Care support worker I have been a care worker for a while and I found myself in the spot that I can no longer look after even myself anymore, my day to life is random to say the least and I feel like I'am useless at most things even the basic that I endeavour to do, I'm trying my best I feel like I need an outlet. ",1.2757843137254916,2.8597793235294127,3.0594117647058816,93.31401960784315,79.29411764705881,5.121568627450982,17.215686274509807,5.46131890053228,-0.5774196078431366,246,4,55,1,6,82,47,68,0.068,0.682,0.25,0.9231,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,3,2,7,0,0,6,0,5,1,0,0,0,8,14,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,11,6,7,12,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,5,41,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324576231177547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459839030372216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779642251336129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511658827177412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096323952872885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370350915987349,0.33490477459935114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570028670470585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556066660778482,0.2290278701199905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968334155111101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173801495904302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864009269075112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659895458564947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572213653433484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15913934394673726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,riddled_with_rhyme,2018/12/08,"Fast Forward Vision/Time Hallucinations Ive had these recurring visual symptoms every day for almost a year now and theyre driving me crazy. Its like everything I look at is in fast forward. Things will be normal speed and all the sudden speed up and pop in my vision out of nowhere. My vision constantly jumps in and out of focus. Its like being in a video game and seeing lag. Even watching TV, the characters move in this way. Plus it's hard to move my eyes far to the left or right and I cant focus on an object. Hours seem like minutes and months feel like a week. I feel like I cant remember a time when I didnt feel this way. When I wasnt steessed. Has anyone else experienced this before? Its definitely worse when Im stressed but I get terrified when this happens. I feel like Im going insane",1.3242690058479525,3.8129423950617287,2.885880441845355,89.55856725146202,84.92592592592592,5.632748538011698,20.254710851202077,7.0608816371341465,0.5428839506172842,636,19,129,9,19,208,102,162,0.11,0.784,0.106,-0.5499,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,8,0,11,2,1,0,1,21,21,14,0,1,2,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,10,0,0,6,3,0,7,4,1,0,0,3,10,13,6,16,15,1,40,0,0,4,0,1,15,0,3,26,73,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390463662451624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709283804199888,0.14227657090924192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815804724953535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005631590050994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955201095400447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599815562324545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171448992315397,0.0,0.11699396937195493,0.0,0.12479673996149553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808433852626471,0.2976008425737485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254764545346351,0.0,0.07891627927590293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279179201250914,0.0,0.12438961628439645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674729415840886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999812323926903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15086977220468153,0.0,0.0,0.4070344306205797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166058628115054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108352402141322,0.29516844872706244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360514919407276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729920050828197,0.11858409033778393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106519572099576,0.12641123282880648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590615268448824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432677223218748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225117616481253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096929638486441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22043825176145174,0.1113836217525487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150830464251282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942008762115737 ptsd,cat_warrior,2018/12/08,"The nightmare won’t ever end here I can’t stand living in my fucking house with my severely mentally ill brother. He’s 35 and he still lives home with us. He has no job he does nothing. He really should be on disability at this point but my mom doesn’t want to do that. Growing up here was a hell hole. He used to be on hard drugs like heroin and coke. When I was 14 he put me in a choke hold and threw me against the staircase because my parents wouldn’t give him money. I’m 25 now and still living at home because I have to pay my fucking student loans. He’s so mentally ill. He’s obsessed with video games and he wants to get an achievement for this one game but he couldn’t get it last night and it made him go crazy. He’s been in the psych ward before because he got obsessed with this other game and couldn’t beat it, which made him suicidal and homicidal. He’s fucking out of his mind and has a temper tantrum when something goes wrong and he acts like a child when everything is ok: I’m at the point right now that I feel suicidal, I never want to hurt anyone but I just can’t get out of this nightmare because my mom doesn’t want him out of the house. It’s gotten to the point where I get super irrational here and start thinking that I want to beat the shit out of him but i know that won’t make things better. I need help. I already see a therapist but I’m never going to get better unless I stop living in this house. ",2.7275352720990504,3.907687682119207,3.753386121508784,91.53939677512236,74.49668874172184,6.7091275554275835,24.05758710048949,7.079830092131019,0.7138524042614458,1128,33,252,11,23,364,148,302,0.19,0.684,0.126,-0.9753,2,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,6,14,17,7,2,13,1,20,8,1,4,3,49,52,21,2,10,7,4,2,2,0,4,3,0,2,1,16,19,1,2,3,4,3,6,12,11,0,1,8,3,27,6,33,36,0,41,1,1,1,3,32,19,5,0,17,143,43,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869125987808852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253345591296787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21806948923311345,0.0,0.07610068041522329,0.0,0.0,0.15819199357579994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782631993205651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371359316303123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921086853746462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089703951850376,0.0,0.0,0.08037638608409588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045219883888793236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480373996936001,0.2336245947714181,0.08579203984221814,0.10165338186490072,0.0,0.07152753737905113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011417466844041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059944884956787924,0.0,0.1794166736965825,0.0,0.0,0.30958014669084466,0.0957396050426706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874820140820704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04914989872217637,0.07289962499648359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738464523772538,0.0,0.31588301530714336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924685465637954,0.05969705288405824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802543477497224,0.0,0.09030157976451156,0.20948510411264745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663132484855509,0.13795209522987786,0.0,0.0,0.08392657444477906,0.0,0.08581313248056832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060601943706823626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930448156689996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536285585714628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990461193164119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057292907597320475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637507703616142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126632022929831,0.0,0.0,0.10103354776044042,0.0918014293123646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688496977042822,0.0,0.0,0.0633009584275409,0.0,0.1428422140915373,0.07476978078095954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564981875215576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383831195600593,0.05941514301112885,0.057304892954263775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075765827257136,0.07724117871698434,0.0,0.0,0.2637487556538897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778066913710376,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ModernMisery,2018/12/22,Anyone found a treatment that works for them? I'm losing faith in therapy. I just want things to get better for once. ,1.4481159420289842,4.115035260869568,2.27826086956522,92.38376811594203,87.69565217391305,4.8057971014492775,16.36231884057971,6.42735559955562,-0.18313333333333315,93,2,18,1,3,29,21,23,0.102,0.625,0.273,0.5267,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,3,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,2,4,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510215327621316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175068138994364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936255747614078,0.0,0.0,0.18756297093854304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016297883034078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823238707985208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4105484178072456,0.0,0.23850401437419885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117478266369562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26135667714163763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SadClownBoner,2018/12/22,"19M. I believe I have PTSD and high functioning Depression, I need help diagnosing the problem. Please PM. Ive battled with mental illness before (Anxiety, Adhd), and I feel like im the road to a normal happy life, but serious re-occuring personal issues and trauma from a sad childhood prevent me from getting better. Please help me. I have no one. I still live with my abusive/manipulative mother and drug abuse has burned off most of my friends. I can't trust anyone anymore. I was so positive about getting better but I keep breaking down. Please help me!",3.600847308031774,6.442629155339809,4.7880317740511975,77.41246248896736,77.83495145631069,7.240600176522506,29.751985878199463,8.296473431620573,2.7399203883495145,445,21,72,9,11,146,75,103,0.217,0.478,0.304,0.912,0,0,1,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,3,12,1,0,4,0,6,4,0,0,0,15,11,7,0,3,2,1,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,1,15,6,9,10,1,7,0,2,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,44,15,0,0.0,0.17868688015796294,0.0,0.0,0.18124602818256405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537032888534365,0.0,0.14956441136981072,0.10545085631644102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283294166120915,0.16991283423787482,0.0,0.2667609032865513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298936611107616,0.1530704238751029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17489337589014706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625478888036989,0.10773971360043844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651653441584445,0.0,0.15758549221725454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054156839554642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032571616998845,0.15934055277416298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16290222055815828,0.15740794777560435,0.0,0.13404812570661062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652257093174906,0.07367884546514912,0.0,0.13316925305678665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15198244721533127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182476221462356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776317818697618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021937259827674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168272101059714,0.0,0.4966369771567127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443061681351277,0.17629048773586245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204382004334847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,johncantfly,2018/12/22,"Don't know what else to do. I just got out of a T.O.X.I.C. relationship in January. I'm having intrusive thoughts all the time and then comes physical pain in my chest. Sometimes I think I'm dying (not panicking, just logically assuming I'm having a heart attack) because the pain can be so intense. I've also been having trouble sleeping and focusing. My doctor and counselor said it's caused by PTSD and anxiety. My thing has always been depression so I'm pretty new to this. I'm trying to work through all of it with a therapist doing EMDR and stuff but in-between sessions I feel trapped and lost. I moved back in with my family and it's nice to be around them but it enabled me to lose motivation to run my business. Now I distract my mind full-time. I pushed away all my friends - especially the ones my ex knew. I'm trying everything I know how to do (guided meditation and relaxation hypnosis vids on YouTube, exercise, diet, breathing exercises, and spending time with my family) but the pain won't. Ever. Stop. Honestly, most of the time I feel like I don't even deserve to do those things because I need to start working more. Hell, I feel like I don't even deserve to say I have PTSD. This is my first Reddit post ever. Does anyone know anything else I can try to cope or heal faster?",3.170632411067196,5.3542145217391335,4.557707509881425,81.97830039525695,75.71936758893281,7.878260869565217,28.39130434782609,8.716276077567194,2.395030039525692,1026,44,194,22,23,340,146,253,0.15,0.745,0.105,-0.9046,0,1,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,1,7,14,16,2,1,8,0,20,12,4,3,5,45,41,18,1,1,7,1,3,2,1,1,7,2,0,0,11,15,1,1,12,3,1,4,5,10,0,2,7,5,26,6,26,31,5,25,1,3,0,0,6,7,1,3,15,125,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835676248671846,0.09193439754482836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452258596525558,0.0,0.0,0.07725538406823837,0.0,0.09092174551909447,0.09835724255363718,0.0,0.12569540870017376,0.10380658295275724,0.08495801814344399,0.0,0.13470423070584767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350103172569215,0.0,0.09517514271066148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516266655083497,0.0,0.1146685146380467,0.0,0.0,0.11308857228902296,0.09668829962531317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459615033612875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14595181862066758,0.1998844224021026,0.0,0.0,0.09929898302096143,0.0,0.20831544267385493,0.0,0.1675973019408355,0.15786449241581266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398055644412844,0.0,0.0,0.0853623188187684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883668956240741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092814339254902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18216301564948364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795716038632143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360717906231285,0.12061008788442334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156081372482243,0.0,0.0,0.1174306587957158,0.0,0.08192503366028372,0.0,0.10670945398095907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486914593155447,0.0,0.3526992648858139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581642194280272,0.11240544315301017,0.0,0.0,0.25830779973453283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862215727455773,0.0,0.0,0.10509885280862452,0.08786404358460961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056722849909968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927489915701506,0.0,0.0782035757309413,0.0,0.0,0.09237244362394408,0.0,0.0,0.12648168009709732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282844287755926,0.1468058857704101,0.07079588756988663,0.0,0.08771468245436198,0.1932783369842964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250411489557705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087233831457007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yagirllw,2018/12/22,"Do any of you suffer from sleep hallucinations? I suffer from hypnopompic sleep hallucinations. They occur during the awakening process, but technically the body is still considered to be asleep. When they occur, I am usually lucid enough to understand that I am in my bedroom and ""awake"", but that's the extent of it. I will often hear voices, see visuals, and most often I will believe that someone is with me in my room. I estimate it takes about 5 minutes or so for me to realize I am awake, and understand that what I've seen isn't real. I've seen a doctor previously for these hallucinations, but that was nearly 10 years ago. From what I understand trauma and PTSD can be a partial catalyst for them. They aren't really interfering with my life whatsoever, and I'm more so just curious to know if others experience them. Do any of you experiences sleep hallucinations? Either when you are going to sleep or awakening from sleep? If so, what have your experiences been like? And, did they begin occurring after trauma?",6.39059646236117,7.894187064171122,7.562245989304812,66.46563142739613,66.05882352941177,11.101439736733857,30.962155491567263,11.051253699011982,3.888931221719457,819,31,136,25,13,278,105,187,0.07,0.892,0.038,-0.7047,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,4,6,0,10,5,0,0,5,0,19,9,7,0,0,26,31,18,0,2,9,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,2,0,12,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,5,23,1,22,22,5,13,0,2,3,0,11,4,0,7,9,107,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392299413162048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17479259060607574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479519336885704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427539511112685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154308931770786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279291454016426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771442760199541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303944711730606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484854339351974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062984748132375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907756987598544,0.06278715038903372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023005987333704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14628103139497128,0.08233159030975795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241179451463236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6430514825537437,0.0,0.10889244605512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263422771436724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966291528086669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013736957773181,0.0,0.0,0.1415438504047794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827610452616042 ptsd,TyroniusTheGreat,2018/12/22,"I need advice on attacks. My PTSD stems from an abusive childhood. Much of it I have let myself forget but one thing that I haven't is the fear of going to sleep because of the thought that my dad would attack me in my sleep. As a child I would lie awake some times into the early morning just to make sure he didn't. Well now as an almost 30 year old adult I have these episodes that happen to where either as soon as I fall asleep or shortly after, I wake up screaming and running with my heart beating out of my chest. It used to only happen a couple times a year but for the last 4 months it has been every night and some times more than once a night. When it happens I have this overwhelming existential fear. I feel like everything is pointless. I can't find purpose in simple things like sleeping and eating. I don't understand it. I now take sleeping medicine and that helps put me to sleep but I still wake up feeling terrorized. What can I do? I'm sorry for the long post but I have no idea what to do. Has anybody else had this happen? Do I need to tell my therapist to put me on some medicine? Thank you all!",2.3945633187772937,4.210214689956334,3.1488624454148493,92.88049890829693,76.77292576419214,5.628034934497816,22.803711790393013,6.2581,0.3344618340611354,880,26,188,6,20,277,135,229,0.121,0.775,0.10400000000000001,-0.4886,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,8,12,2,4,11,0,21,11,10,2,2,33,37,14,0,4,7,1,2,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,16,7,1,0,6,0,0,5,5,7,1,1,4,3,27,5,30,30,7,35,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,5,21,131,43,0,0.0,0.11830869589920052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757455180429904,0.0,0.0,0.09998769569310463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271929056753739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086906016954846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048471589835178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217387282575344,0.08341381798477587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412990373920266,0.0,0.0897408454152656,0.0,0.0,0.224723288057294,0.10097668749412524,0.07133453223511997,0.0,0.0,0.09126323053419533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674838638759154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3531963808880886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832550464507972,0.06692891925639129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272113872003894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139298488483235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021057836941992,0.0,0.09756561997875436,0.0,0.0,0.08836617945809733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666522128652317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970118579771493,0.0,0.07340295966221244,0.1480784909911108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874093153579093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477823472166332,0.10633948414822314,0.06766253034029852,0.07594220471440556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563094077167957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672204296715087,0.2007583638566526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4996222649449236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117765205193714,0.0,0.0,0.07974220836547029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410964952140433,0.0,0.07507653352146712,0.0,0.08727534704904524,0.09193061984438776,0.0,0.115936263813557,0.13267491670274664,0.0,0.0,0.07927160499845562,0.17467410877476894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394980827828118,0.0,0.08624036258213122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977924618358417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418644760335432,0.0,0.0,0.12860326740435193 ptsd,refreshedsuggestion,2018/12/22,"Abandonment trauma? Dear strangers! I've always known I have abandonment issues but never dared to imagine that they could be more serious than I anticipated. However, I just (somehow) got out of an incredibly disproportionate depression caused by the ending of a short-termed relationship. The first part of the depression consisted of drinking, crying in the shower, insomnia and the like. Then began a phase of actively engaging in meaningless, casual sex with strangers. Thereafter began the third and last phase where I simultaneously isolated and bred anger towards everyone and everything. Not pretty. Since I'm not living in my birth country, I didn't really have anyone around to notice that I was being a mess and acting like a mess. My friends here, and even my now girlfriend, didn't notice that I was behaving poorly because 1/ they have no idea who I ""truly"" am (if it even makes sense to say that I have a ""true self"" that is different from who I've been for the past two years) and 2/ I was behaving normally around them. It just hit me a few days ago that I had been drifting far, far away from desirable behaviour and lifestyle. And that little slap on the face has made me see life in a slightly more positive life and it's already borne its fruits. So, I'm not here to talk about this. I'm here because I wonder if my past is enough to explain my abandonment issues. This is slightly awkward as it feels as if I'm listing life traumas and please don't keep reading if you're not interested or if it hits home. I've basically moved countries, cities, schools my entire life. The longest I've stayed at the same school was three years, and after that I had to change ever year for different reasons. I haven't always made friends. When I did, I had to either stop seeing them entirely after moving, or we'd keep seeing each other but less often, and I ended up getting replaced by somebody else as their ""best friend"" (which is absolutely understandable). My older sister, who was extremely close to me as a child, got expelled by my mom when she was 18 and I was 10. My mom, who was always vocal about not loving my sister and I, wasn't honest about what happened and I didn't understand why my sister had suddenly disappeared until later on. I also went through some pretty traumatic events that Christmas which I never told anyone about because I didn't feel that I could trust them. My father left my mom the Christmas after my brother turned 18. He told me that he wanted to be a good dad but couldn't bare to wait until I myself turned 18 to leave my mom. He went to live with an awful woman (who made everything in her power for my dad to stop seeing, and trusting me, which didn't fully work, but was efficient enough that my dad and I got distant from each other). My mom went into a debilitating depression that year, and I was alone to take care of her. That whole year is pretty much a blur in my head, I don't have any memories from it. My first relationships were awful too. The first woman I loved ghosted me because she was terrified of admitting to herself that she had feelings for another woman. She literally moved to another continent and only told me years later. The second woman I loved was in a pretty bad place, mentally. Then again, she wouldn't admit to herself that she liked girls. She would go from praising me to ignoring me or telling me about her one night stands. The third woman I loved was ""polyamorous"" but didn't reveal it to me until after we started dating. She would tell me about her other partners, claiming that communication was healthy. I'm not gonna go on. As I type this out, I'm split between feelings of shame and some realising that it's a lot for a girl to bear before even turning 18. But, I'm not sure it's ""enough"" to trigger PTSD and I'm wondering if I might be exaggerating/overreacting. This post isn't attention seeking, I truly am wondering and having somebody else's insight would help. Thanks in advance guys and girls!",6.3722361394581615,6.972971852825233,6.757795174322702,75.45136103111808,65.68856767411303,9.6829032348254,31.697402633712638,9.637300506268012,2.9365139989375684,3184,118,572,61,47,1034,341,761,0.158,0.718,0.124,-0.9756,5,1,1,0,1,0,92.0,2,0,6,8,27,40,1,2,30,2,61,14,2,7,5,117,122,53,1,16,25,13,4,3,5,6,5,1,2,12,44,35,2,9,19,3,1,12,23,16,0,9,44,10,89,24,85,62,18,88,1,6,4,5,77,27,0,19,49,405,133,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04863194814766871,0.0,0.0,0.05682059786971951,0.06054169990760981,0.04387320758186112,0.13694900516541322,0.0,0.0,0.03730811443179915,0.11505540655047407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767217224047049,0.0,0.0,0.09767781431294167,0.0,0.0,0.05154475598780113,0.0,0.04580756820753736,0.1337737261887776,0.0,0.04668361273485247,0.0,0.05757439714444646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593557500897981,0.056358496910807764,0.0580368353257693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760585740724229,0.0,0.060263449011057325,0.035381520737009745,0.0,0.14175795851242745,0.0,0.0,0.11463845115838693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05374397917071165,0.0,0.0,0.09166050220238446,0.0,0.09718308669562396,0.17006166797636665,0.0,0.10870771384800164,0.04962591718854613,0.0,0.052423094822329236,0.09861304946299296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095971998469152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999704195200188,0.0,0.0,0.12715898459162506,0.0,0.028663186841793288,0.0,0.062358800030121585,0.04601573289290559,0.1316347174556932,0.0,0.0,0.054322111876892565,0.048514380516330606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630435005862786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03677291424319731,0.0,0.055031167049533626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061932641578576086,0.0,0.11452357330597912,0.0,0.0975279238934934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04471993999637125,0.0,0.058091050426193384,0.059607840370994786,0.0,0.15500291609461184,0.08040856366182475,0.05498624455195306,0.09688849216364058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466418019464387,0.19806077607284875,0.15573555800540018,0.03662088279691508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055288100699019065,0.05820002631729607,0.0,0.3212691864499668,0.0,0.17492921395553354,0.040329961559892505,0.0,0.08462607895927325,0.0,0.0,0.05148437146902395,0.05375321706482253,0.0,0.12492174612505365,0.0,0.0,0.03717598391436645,0.041725104968514684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059410316196878574,0.10474417885536136,0.0,0.0,0.057319225579193465,0.06022211930169725,0.0,0.0,0.05254273373998099,0.22325794662403606,0.0,0.0,0.06413086785219457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05487695400952119,0.0,0.0351460709172839,0.05640738382641487,0.0,0.11780274386348524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362854992280557,0.0,0.11104676356547086,0.17487198676646856,0.0,0.057233143149532886,0.0,0.0,0.04538250228983297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03883168209341225,0.05847570700629949,0.0,0.09173435693880816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05170688709391467,0.0,0.0412494771996158,0.0440960839042269,0.09590380027758627,0.05050965766997383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572692844669877,0.0,0.0,0.17902265687155805,0.05359230729454647,0.1142267775390384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03235909245768677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257316999987156,0.04950451880357001,0.06125158383414547,0.0,0.0,0.17848684611216614,0.039940267696631934,0.0,0.0,0.11691740138563725,0.0,0.0,0.21197639120118936 ptsd,dukenheim,2018/11/24,"Anyone experience stuttering when real worked up? Whenever I’m at the point where I’m flinching/startling at every movement or noise around me, I start to stutter. Basically I’ll get stuck on a letter or sound for a few seconds. It typically comes when I’m talking really fast but it’s not a loss of words or anything, it’s just like I can’t get a sound out..it feel like an oddball at work when it happens and worry I appear cracked out or something. Rarely occurs at home, just when I’m super anxious but under pressure to deliver where I can’t remove myself from a situation. ",3.962714975845412,5.6075902956521775,5.605507246376813,77.6325120772947,72.13043478260869,7.893719806763285,30.169082125603857,8.515128840125781,2.4746618357487926,464,20,84,8,9,158,76,115,0.122,0.752,0.126,0.5413,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,4,9,7,0,1,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,17,14,11,0,0,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,4,0,1,1,3,6,3,14,13,1,22,0,1,0,0,2,12,0,5,8,51,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591850888064485,0.0,0.16041938230860414,0.0,0.1887973301862044,0.2042370028488271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19762943112536535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19330056345002866,0.0,0.0,0.2244217961916603,0.0,0.0,0.11600423702158905,0.16390135566109715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397303180396072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20287988099279355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23013210728612166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241710554395474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21688090056669032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611360206301357,0.146975610307188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578834538537606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17662267048261207,0.0,0.0,0.162388284834629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844032255905314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340484479394887,0.2329923517369873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nolantheblue,2018/11/24,"Smells triggering PTSD I feel dumb because there’s so many little things that trigger me. Like lavender, the smell of lavender literally makes me melt down and EVERYTHING is lavender scented these days. I don’t even feel safe with my own father sometimes, even though he’s never physically hurt me. When I’m having an attack, my brother is the only male that I feel safe being in the room with. It sucks. It probably makes my dad feel like I hate him. I’m taking Basic Psychology this semester, and just talking about abuse/death/disorders is triggering. But I can’t drop the class obviously. Even people using that “triggered” joke makes me feel like shit. I’m just tired. I miss the person I used to be. It feels like my life is split into two parts, two different people. ",3.688874755381608,6.210470979452058,4.318238747553817,82.67739726027398,75.50684931506851,7.185127201565559,24.81213307240705,8.192908349453996,1.7059859099804306,617,21,111,11,14,196,96,146,0.145,0.723,0.132,-0.4632,1,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,10,14,5,0,6,0,9,3,1,9,2,27,27,6,0,0,3,3,6,4,0,0,2,0,1,2,9,5,0,2,6,1,0,0,3,7,0,2,0,9,16,7,8,25,2,9,0,2,0,0,8,5,3,0,7,65,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225488754098304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158363821520043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631151331580297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982748617854324,0.15338474595686252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651872247398282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202808889293151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060213276372251,0.2868319629337109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213283930019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327149255286764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945305344273556,0.2615370837143475,0.13413629148697234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680046318520279,0.13568612776404854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103220618967307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178638108469272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492860088286652,0.0,0.18556654719025426,0.11685821965333335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442951113723066,0.0,0.1564441589642792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737812883400807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132364719238791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062611008295083,0.10757026984126483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891300748162208,0.0,0.13149070009224434,0.0,0.0,0.15382188059948096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614716975598708,0.0,0.0,0.23117828732201026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rocknroll500,2018/11/24,How is complex PTSD treated I was diagnosed with complex ptsd. I heard the treatment for it is different than for regular ptsd. How so? I wanna get started on it right away because it really hurts my ability to function. ,3.9135365853658532,6.552968097560978,5.387987804878048,74.68978658536588,75.34146341463416,8.978048780487804,37.079268292682926,9.516144504307137,4.4451414634146325,176,11,28,5,4,59,31,41,0.081,0.858,0.061,-0.2094,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,2,0,6,6,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,1,8,4,0,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170703110192008,0.0,0.0,0.14084024549882304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345014125341984,0.0,0.24138832138035385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070921208788048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473338113569088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8102225239305668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480105667184314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19730746630521498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16353177249322184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Pineapple_Incident17,2018/11/24,"EMDR is saving my life. Let me say it again. EMDR is saving my life. I tried EMDR about a year after my original trauma, and it did help a little bit, but it also felt like a waste of time. I felt like I was trying to do and say the “right” things, and it helped with the overwhelming triggers at the time, but not much else. Now, 6 years later, I’m giving it another shot, and just 2 sessions in, its already made a huge difference. I let go of the idea that my therapist would be mad or would judge me if I didn’t do it the “right” way. Sometimes I literally nothing comes up, and then WHAM. A totally out-of-the-blue realization that makes so much sense, and explains why I’m afraid of going to the grocery store, even though my trauma had nothing to do with that. I resisted doing EMDR again for a long time. I only decided to give it another shot because I felt like my life was over. I felt like I’d died, and was living in my own personal hell. It’s not 100% better now, but it’s definitely getting there. For example, my therapist has me choose a belief to “process.” At the beginning of the session, she’ll ask me to rate on a scale from 1-10 how true that belief is. She’ll ask again at the end of the session, and check in at the beginning of our next one. These are the two we’ve done so far: “I am powerless.” Belief that it’s true: 8 End of session: 6 After a week: 2 “I am not safe.” Belief that it’s true: 9.75 End of session: 4 We’ll see where it’s at next week. My life is finally making sense again. 6 years of weekly talk therapy hasn’t come close to matching even 2 sessions of EMDR, as far as breakthroughs and understanding my world and my behaviors. 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In that time he told me about his ptsd within combat. As of recent I’m worried I will never satisfy his needs because he is constantly struggling. He’s going to a therapist for ptsd but I don’t know how much it’s helping him. He’s constantly unhappy and I know I can’t fix that. All I can do is be there for him when he needs. Recently, he has begun to lay a lot of things down that I am doing wrong within our relationship. I am not perfect but I try my best for him. It’s come down to whether or not I will spend all of my time with him or continuing the other parts of my life. I’ve been able to put in a lot of my time so far but I’m not sure how long this can continue. He thinks I need to make more sacrifices in order to stay with him. Part of me worried his mentality is not stable enough for a relationship. Maybe the tons of attention he needs isn’t something I can give. I love this man and I am willing to do anything for him. I am worried that I’m trying to save a sinking ship. How can I be supportive and keep this relationship going without completely losing myself? 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I've always remembered having difficulty looking people in the eyes. Most people ask what I'm looking at, because I'm usually staring at other parts of their face even though I thought I was looking right at them! I dont know if this is specific for those who have experienced sexual abuse..? It just feels like an unsettling feeling when I make eye contact.",6.3114473684210495,7.396764092105265,6.795894736842108,73.41226315789477,65.97368421052633,9.764210526315793,34.93684210526314,9.888512548439397,3.6420978947368425,325,15,55,7,5,106,60,76,0.052000000000000005,0.883,0.064,0.2148,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,5,4,4,2,0,12,17,3,0,1,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,11,6,1,7,15,2,7,0,0,7,0,6,5,0,3,3,34,13,0,0.0,0.2274125207684977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597059495584214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342059642594853,0.19666089461869796,0.0,0.0,0.17943405042857494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700227362627805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494731166009588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16033772049186049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677177642473952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409700079406456,0.13711896382706992,0.0,0.0,0.17542583114043214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193676417300366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548288839890962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377012995990502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.483533159783363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25623725504328315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20784775216866236,0.0,0.26612821400495595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21742582982617592,0.163912112474579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857593517614415,0.1523755746020801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21139015173078604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blameitonyourloves,2018/11/24,"i have no friends and i’m beginning to become okay with that hi everybody... i’m 19F and i just needed to vent a little + get some advice today i suffered from severe depression and anxiety for many years leading up to my trauma. i never considered myself extremely social, however i made quite a few friends in high school. high school ended almost two years ago, now i have no friends. sometimes i get really sad about it, as time goes on i’ve accepted it more. i only have two irl friends that i talk to on a daily basis but have not seen in months. i haven’t seen 2 of my closest friends in almost a year and rarely text or call them anymore.... the last time i saw most of my friends was for my birthday... that was in January. the only “friend” i have that i see almost everyday is my boyfriend of almost two years. he has friends that he sees often and sometimes i get sad i can’t say the same for myself. but i cant bring myself to reach out to anybody because we’re all busy. i’m also really scared to be adventurous and make new friends because of my trauma, i feel like i can’t trust anybody or can’t get close with people like i used to. the only people i would consider friends these days are my group of coworkers (we talk all day in our office, go to lunch together almost everyday) but even then, it doesn’t feel right since i know they’re just my coworkers. i find myself isolating myself from the world so much and i feel like i’m just missing out. part of me is okay with this, as i said in the beginning of my post: as more time goes on, i’ve accepted this more and became okay with it. i know it’s not normal does anyone else feel this way? 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I was abused a lot by my stepdad during my formative years (10-16), and I feel as though it’s hard to remember what life was like prior to the abuse. I have maybe 3-4 passing memories, but that’s about it. However, they feel like they weren’t really *mine* It feels like the last few years of abuse (14-16) were what I can truly remember. Then it feels like my memory went blank from 16-18. Everything after that, my memory is fine. Although, when my family brings up old childhood memories, I think, “that wasn’t *me* that was *her*” (her meaning me before the trauma. Almost a different entity, but not quite). I don’t feel as though this is an entirely healthy mentality to have, but I wonder if any of you guys went through something similar and have any advice ",1.5349652432969236,4.109052691823898,3.2585898709036734,86.60520357497519,84.97484276729558,7.372525653757036,20.94703740483284,8.371475516178862,1.532061635220126,634,20,125,16,19,210,98,159,0.094,0.767,0.139,0.7461,3,0,1,0,3,0,34.0,0,1,2,1,5,6,0,0,7,0,13,2,0,0,0,20,25,15,0,1,5,0,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,11,2,0,0,11,0,0,4,4,1,0,0,8,7,21,5,14,17,2,15,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,4,14,81,32,0,0.0,0.4192932951891202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527007106753888,0.0,0.0,0.11812084785733867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043497647853314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248103607522493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037607669426007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324408171815195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601569197495322,0.0,0.11120308150323893,0.0,0.3578675913456663,0.2528139698802993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167998821967431,0.0,0.0,0.10566983760119024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615391491514257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16663860916371612,0.23051903884233876,0.0,0.10416167634074537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028617784842088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850762514700384,0.12849405147983678,0.0,0.0,0.11887688871820234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378016951511388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260707038439828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254659860239333,0.0,0.0,0.07556880248176323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672535130987822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081209917486092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558461105405437,0.3476880911665633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21870195722820215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792361391014073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519259632670351 ptsd,jane_doe86,2018/11/24,"Reliving and revisiting trauma? I have been known to revisit the hotel in which part of my trauma occurred. Rent a room there for a few days doing cocaine like we did together. Sit in there and play the music that was being played during these experiences . I even went to a drug store and sprayed his cologne on me so I could get all my senses back to the trauma. This behaviour takes place once a year . In the meantime if I even see somebody on the street with the same shade of blonde hair my heart breaks. If I hear music he liked I listen more and louder. Sometimes he still contacts me but lately he hasn’t. I miss him and I miss my trauma . Is it because I want it all to kill me ? Or is it deeper than that. Has anyone experienced this need to relive it? ",2.1048245614035075,4.334603868421056,3.344894736842104,89.12992982456144,79.39473684210526,5.8954385964912275,20.659649122807018,7.0316486544052195,0.472582807017544,596,16,121,7,15,193,101,152,0.131,0.8140000000000001,0.055,-0.9299,1,1,2,0,0,1,13.0,1,0,0,0,7,11,1,0,10,0,11,3,2,0,2,18,21,10,1,5,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,10,7,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,7,0,0,4,6,19,4,15,15,6,16,0,2,2,0,9,8,0,3,7,87,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513732513348452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664656980020776,0.0,0.1319689081636858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728478331307362,0.0,0.0,0.1396166734339106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25105703140023866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859762020382878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21176653638140536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310590142836335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24399740060788666,0.2565389971922108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23951159305925904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442075840264452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115299350284812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052290543167788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23055236237656346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23443511025767136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22618359619585016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17251268854856325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411189620226412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728873773184514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277182742668708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769006956664802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006862905355238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394109974621015 ptsd,throwawaylife224,2018/11/24,"how do I escape the negative voice of my dad? He's a narcissist, I got away,..to another country, but all the criticism still exist in my head. He completely and fully programmed me to feel like I'm always a failure and never can succeed at anything in life. I really couldnt even bring myself to go back to visit for Christmas, as I would have to stay with him. But a family member is dying as well, and I'm failing with work. Why can I never be okay with me, anything I do, any time I'm happy or even come close to succeeding, I feel guilty.",4.3586607142857146,4.556928258928573,6.1374999999999975,79.5575,69.98214285714286,9.257142857142858,28.5,9.23628265651192,2.3218964285714287,423,14,85,8,7,147,77,112,0.19399999999999998,0.6729999999999999,0.133,-0.8244,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,4,6,7,0,0,5,1,9,2,1,1,3,19,18,9,1,2,3,1,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,1,1,0,1,3,13,6,15,14,1,14,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,6,58,13,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651642964205635,0.0,0.0,0.13608891874074225,0.2098439724333108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293645217674007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880199580163285,0.15388044332169715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17238623820996646,0.2098227161354671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076936615653009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643556316842989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886559583774969,0.0,0.20237404846734294,0.14296624738046887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373318913748393,0.0,0.16005478200581102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130321755560408,0.0,0.0,0.20538154330704947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135114823035885,0.09776885138698738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086907971157093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12820242625400244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330200843130576,0.15981662640285688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166919726140803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17993251679577266,0.0,0.18057777883881387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569023194636746,0.0,0.0,0.142159982967736,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,2906BC,2018/11/24,"How to cope with certain sentences or phrases that trigger flashbacks? My dad died when I was 17. He died horribly and suddenly and it was very traumatic. I try not to think of it, however sometimes when watching TV, things happen and it triggers flashbacks and panic attacks. When my dad was dying, my mom kept saying ""wake up, come back to me"" as she tried to resuscitate him and it haunts me. Sometimes on TV, a parent will die, and similar things are said. It might sound dumb, but when mufasa dies in the lion King, when simba tries to wake up mufasa, and he's asking his dad to wake up, and is calling for help, it brings it all back to me and I have to leave to go and calm myself down. Someone showed me the new lion King trailer and it made me panic again. Its been 7 years since my dad died, does this ever ease or is it something I'll have forever? ",5.519298245614039,5.43818821052632,5.915257309941517,83.11007894736842,67.47953216374269,8.477426900584796,29.965497076023393,7.908726449838941,1.863301286549708,668,22,135,7,10,215,106,171,0.161,0.774,0.065,-0.9442,3,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,10,6,2,2,3,0,11,3,3,4,3,27,20,21,6,0,4,6,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,14,13,0,1,1,3,0,3,1,4,0,0,7,4,16,2,19,11,1,21,0,0,1,0,16,6,1,3,12,89,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774580578415567,0.13111669328512274,0.0,0.1772445711775698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768599021369495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992800781206604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7176852337918334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008584979939264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425275185303634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550081966942323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191766640919933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725151938136599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203606921671055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905498177323654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226500274936294,0.0,0.13498268110891712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131186805413514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27044864577274913,0.12797459012477747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963180112009638,0.09165364886918093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533830340537873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765331959541652,0.08872723269779621,0.2279759234596968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531376722193912,0.07384933763563971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347472482033832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509562651499756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07421902157373904 ptsd,Ptsdthrowaway272,2018/11/24,Am I the only one that can hardly remember their dreams? I usually only remember them if they’re a nightmare or something weird. Am I the only one?,2.4057471264367827,4.860600379310345,4.862758620689653,77.4164367816092,79.6896551724138,8.004597701149425,26.90804597701149,8.841846274778883,2.724025287356322,117,5,20,3,3,41,21,29,0.064,0.83,0.106,0.2724,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,3,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,16,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23298155841069895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3524753352566261,0.5934101325847488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5892423172588191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022311823887706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864425605530009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_blue_morpho_,2018/11/24,"I feel like a low-functioning dissociative I don’t go into autopilot when I dissociate like other people say they do. My mind becomes an endless loop of thinking about the trauma(s), wondering if I’m currently experiencing another one, staring at walls absentmindedly for minutes at a time, intense anger and short temperedness, feeling like I don’t exist, like nobody around me exists, sometimes uncontrollable crying, self loathing... just a whole bunch of horrible crap. I don’t function. I can’t engage with people, make coherent sentences, finish tasks, take care of myself, and depending on the severity this can last days and I have to be taken care of by my family. Is this not dissociation, or is this normal?",10.765706666666668,9.967437583999999,10.659800000000004,55.74356666666668,57.16,13.773333333333332,43.23333333333333,12.745084868956482,5.947773333333332,578,28,84,17,6,192,94,125,0.11599999999999999,0.711,0.172,0.5267,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,4,10,2,1,6,0,10,1,1,2,0,18,21,6,0,2,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,1,5,12,7,14,19,2,14,0,0,1,0,3,7,1,4,10,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089900599333676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206624459461744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010638272469289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712314262848859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19997726067560573,0.11740946978036575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162387135246368,0.0,0.1841034757552583,0.26011816493039874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346521991094053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839793016843256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557686471612642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152214892157567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18382217368936432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837381161426882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336418754843105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25242599831223084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447762788885636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18992154240621664,0.20566867615500148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18005560216041322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13688160219914527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665255484299868,0.0,0.0,0.10615688085350712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032562713917545,0.0,0.0,0.19742929386373853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,breathethewhitelight,2018/11/24,"What are some things you wish a significant other knew, or would do, when you have flashbacks? (Possible triggers in background summery) Some background, My boyfriend and his father never had a good relationship for a multitude of reasons. His father shot and killed himself in front of my boyfriend and his mother a couple months ago. My boyfriend had panic attacks and PTSD before the death of his father, but after this event, it has gotten completely worse and elevated to a whole new level. He has nightmares that keep him up all night, and he gets flashbacks throughout the day, worsening at night. He relives that moment over and over again. (He is seeing a therapist, and is on several different medications.) This has been an extremely tough time for him. I don’t feel right saying this has been hard on me, but it has been hard knowing what to do or what to say. When you are experiencing flashbacks, what can someone do to make it easier? Or to help ease the pain of reliving the traumatic experience? Do you have any advice for someone who doesn’t have PTSD, but is trying to understand it so they can better help a loved one who is having a tough time with it? Any advice is welcomed. ",6.284787878787878,7.6256003272727275,6.220909090909089,76.58469696969699,66.18181818181819,9.13939393939394,31.484848484848484,9.3871,2.8892666666666664,952,37,165,18,15,300,125,220,0.14800000000000002,0.7340000000000001,0.11800000000000001,-0.6844,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,4,1,1,4,10,2,1,13,0,30,3,0,3,2,29,41,17,2,2,6,4,3,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,18,9,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,7,7,17,4,23,33,4,26,0,0,1,1,29,10,0,5,15,125,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537429845833298,0.11508929075127933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17658204504518352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770399888141825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047848346620512,0.0,0.0,0.11482690727200096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612763131258354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436579571439746,0.0,0.08373166781144745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564805173527064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12700177451414574,0.0,0.0,0.06564756277201943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783248399337524,0.0,0.0,0.10889792129988304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326100758422501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17404890325414926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540170625351533,0.14364119022304034,0.0,0.0713529267243896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11717952453116375,0.0,0.08666466362780746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079328148839575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363161493021404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10013536139772566,0.1253937055810579,0.0,0.24367931052868635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797833080208423,0.0,0.13815166988434127,0.15233127633044022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636741584082738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035361065101362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349014475021553,0.0,0.13939225916505946,0.0,0.1108768363112006,0.0,0.20649713031753916,0.0,0.0,0.10346024422108596,0.0,0.0,0.146674551066839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220014483997436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074634245051236,0.08625540348630209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141355633669182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814821468651424,0.0,0.0,0.1351609313681411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495412191712204,0.1493017629860963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132311114297296,0.09222977428402472,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bathwizard,2018/11/24,"Called off today due to anxiety If I was just a bit anxious that's one thing but today I was so nervous I got irrationality angry. I absolutely hate when that happens because it scares me to feel that way towards everyone just because I'm having a rough time. I ended up wearing a jacket all day long just to feel covered and safe. I'm not sure how I'll sleep tonight. Just thought I'd get it out here, thanks for reading.",2.346860465116279,4.419332000000004,3.969941860465117,85.7470058139535,77.83720930232559,6.16046511627907,28.19186046511628,7.1686216300943375,1.5370511627906978,336,15,67,4,8,112,63,86,0.268,0.652,0.08,-0.9531,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,2,3,0,3,2,2,1,2,16,13,6,0,1,7,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,4,3,6,3,8,9,2,14,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,9,40,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949176859887798,0.23553064792867626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25418313634959505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276134984439359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128882492666268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134456685419081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846573499909028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992179935286832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21083429786788585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892570517083598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667458739900542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18436411616877132,0.0,0.0,0.20583747086337773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845041847149072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141275995779633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20854313744342365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087315754966211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20863728459096906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649626435401196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19194655883892664,0.0,0.0,0.13850931141572273,0.0,0.0,0.16551516588105686,0.12157028185794437,0.0,0.3952420618595419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16548705247191506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Leipfert920,2019/03/19,"Harassment Years after my original trauma, years of hard work, progress, setbacks and struggle, I am now being harassed. It's completely unrelated to my original trauma but I know this feeling all too well. Hyper vigilence, fear, flashbacks, anxiety, extreme startle response. I'm right back where I started. Every time I think I've gotten away from those harassing me they find a new way to make contact. I'm at a loss. I'm exhausted. I just want to feel safe again. I've done nothing wrong. I don't deserve this. But here we are. The cops won't do anything because I don't have evidence enough. I'm so broken. ",2.405529556650244,5.2121771637931085,3.815566502463057,82.46465517241381,83.39655172413794,6.762561576354681,29.837438423645324,7.957251820313856,2.6058024630541885,485,25,84,10,14,159,87,116,0.281,0.579,0.14,-0.9611,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,1,3,9,13,3,3,3,0,9,1,0,3,1,16,21,4,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,11,1,0,2,3,12,2,8,17,2,16,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,11,50,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382871370381624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623209756291708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012065623042996,0.16467270460687713,0.0,0.13054747790178073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453843651694602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191558876987384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22128034131062094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043562227969207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24098497988927234,0.21656736349330305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573465629700007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19184166448828446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176945081106516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295075793665188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683314863228866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548840749040406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18288800907799932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158068192927368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238822946187536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722248395076594,0.0,0.0,0.1248760552119022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631472645324074,0.16998702302496452,0.0,0.0,0.1925519159412533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590808040016102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234145909880162,0.0,0.2758188176850731 ptsd,pjmcm,2019/03/19,"Concurrence with BPD Hey guys, I was just diagnosed with PTSD after seeking treatment for what I thought was BPD. The symptoms of complex PTSD certainly overlap with the symptoms of BPD, but there are some things I've been experiencing that a PTSD diagnosis doesn't exactly explain. I know many people with PTSD also have BPD, so I was just wondering how you all received your diagnoses? Were they diagnosed at the same time? Did the PTSD diagnosis come first, and if so does that mean I should talk to my psychiatrist about my more BPD related concerns?",6.813657142857143,8.469818880000002,6.6194285714285765,73.04900000000002,65.2,10.514285714285714,36.285714285714285,10.608840637214634,4.203771428571431,448,22,76,12,7,141,70,100,0.0,0.976,0.024,0.3049,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,1,8,1,0,0,5,0,10,5,0,1,3,23,16,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,7,1,10,1,11,8,4,7,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,3,3,55,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099196233489497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6377803387988427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724201019473588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083850470475964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886290409594346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614699626278732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028112102075301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565972800520543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267997338212186,0.0,0.11032140858833574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021339778831875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5919426820910747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105331953638589,0.0,0.08140340229338691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672845882772427,0.0,0.0,0.08040340159168732,0.059056003368677584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983164680188877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,van_illa_bean,2019/03/19,"support hi, in 2016 I was admitted into the hospital and diagnosed with PTSD and depression. After I moved back home with my mom to work on my mental health. now I feel judged by my mom and my sister for leaning on my mom for help and I feel really lost and alone at the moment. ",3.7086842105263145,4.6107468421052635,5.286798245614037,82.5396710526316,71.80701754385964,9.208771929824564,24.77631578947368,9.516144504307137,1.9886526315789468,218,6,45,5,4,74,39,57,0.13699999999999998,0.754,0.109,-0.4131,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,6,5,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,9,1,12,4,0,10,0,2,0,0,7,5,0,0,4,31,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20187678736225592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498802991354701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788302317841652,0.19783818008979726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971133060627509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20718925655632067,0.0,0.0,0.13064976553723584,0.0,0.19551915370950188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277657419398827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643200823177048,0.0,0.0,0.6848585935795088,0.0,0.20716752406182865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22784930215691745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248697858029475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211912101633444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190299347908544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cleverdevil76,2019/03/19,"The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel A. van der Kolk - anyone read it? So, I just recently began therapy. I'm 43 now and I've been reaching out for help since I was in my late 20's. Generally, the ""help"" that's on offer isn't helpful at all. From a regular MD to Clinical psychologists, to most therapists. My experience thus far has been that, unless you're some kind of psychologist yourself, you're fucked. It's been almost 20 years of seeking help (not having a clue what was wrong with me along the way). Either the terror was so bad, or the hurt was so bad or the need to die was so bad, that I was always, passively, advocating for myself. Reading everything and anything that suggested >> inner peace this way. For the most part, I hate the medical profession. From psychiatry to clinicians to MD's. In regards to PTSD, that is. My heart goes out to all the misdiagnoses.......oh my god, the misdiagnoses.... So, my wife found me this counsellor that might have a clue about a thing or two. I think she found him because we stopped taking the referral method - one doctor refers you to another refers you to another etc She opted to go a private method instead. Like, we might pay real money to take care of this shit. In my second session I suggested I have (not accurate) a proclivity for reading and he suggested I might read ""The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel A. van der Kolk"". Sunday will be my 3rd appointment and I've got the book and I'm trying to digest it as fast as I can. I'm just wondering if anyone else has read it? Is this a big, well known book in ptsd circles (LOL@that there are ptsd circles). What were your thoughts? At the moment, I guess I'm just trying to build a reference vocabulary for my next appointment, but I'm also really stoked about getting to the ""treatment"" part of the book. 43 years old - male - violence related trauma? - Alberta, Canada (first began seeking help in B.C.) 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I have began to notice that over the years, whenever my partner or (ANYONE) shows signs of intense anger or frustration....something in my head \*clicks\* and it isn't a good thing. I can go from OK to FLIPPING OUT mode as my mind begins to spiral. Here is an example: I wake up and my patner is sitting by the bed, looking HOPELESSLY DEJECTED. I ask whats wrong and he tells me he knocked over the water pipe onto himself and most of that last of the cannabis. My brain clicks as I stare at him moping. I start to feel nervous, agitated, upset, angry...but also sympathetic. I ask him if he is ok? He answers YES in a frustrated way and He stares at the ground and continues to feel sorry for himself. It is clear he is just upset and I should leave him alone, but I can't get over it because I am triggered. I tell him that it is going to be ok, and that at least he has some cannabis left (I gave up my bit so he could have it all) He says: ""No, most of it is gone...."" As he speaks, horrible emotions surface in me. (Hopelessness, fear, anger, resentment, irritability) It all feels unassociated from the current situation. (After 15 more minutes of this dejected attitude that is steadily driving me insane): I tell him in a calm/upset way that he needs to essentially ""stop being so dramatic/get over it"" because he is acting like someone died and it is interally freaking me out for some reason. He then gets more upset because he says that is rude and I am not understanding his POV, his emotions and that he always helps me when I am upset. My mental health sunshine level went from SUNNY DAY...to THUNDERSTORM. I seriously was concidering his emotions, its just that mine had suddenly bombarded me in a way that felt uncontrollable. I cried for 30 mins, put myself down for being a piece of shit who can't even comfort their partner without feeling like something horrible just happened to them. I felt like I want to run away from my partner, or myself and I even have an urge to hit myself. A lot of feelings that I don't usually feel are felt and I eventually calm myself down with some meditating music. I can't have a healthy marriage or realationships if I keep reacting like this. Any ideas? TLTR: Partners frustrated mood triggers dissassociated emotions like (anger, hostility, resentment, fear, and hopelessness) over a minor situation.",4.7777964519140985,6.47448982352941,5.8234821039526965,76.66909803921571,70.15468409586057,8.731553065670713,31.414939309056955,9.23628265651192,2.9268588982259574,1915,84,344,40,35,634,232,459,0.22,0.691,0.09,-0.9966,1,1,2,0,0,3,85.0,0,0,2,0,11,38,10,8,16,4,33,6,4,5,3,66,62,30,1,6,12,0,9,5,5,1,1,3,1,5,26,18,1,3,14,1,0,8,8,25,0,0,9,18,57,12,57,47,13,52,1,4,6,0,45,26,1,12,19,236,83,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09072589586531274,0.0,0.07005269588109019,0.07288918483389639,0.0,0.0,0.11914031994634801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06125108902810503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16378602930379602,0.0,0.08230191760520603,0.0,0.0,0.1601981711748109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563515689010628,0.0,0.0,0.0977891856334446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994048104302476,0.0,0.09622312338208347,0.056493952656084485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091368172620512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3941472533775429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571630824140428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714591543931267,0.265755387429851,0.06258057089455901,0.25232563772590993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373002081325712,0.0,0.09956878684716663,0.07347368290949675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746329323719409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990159892184893,0.09311338445766644,0.0,0.0,0.05871560161936156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977766725864044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557236037432935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140468019214527,0.0,0.09275443746223062,0.09517630790606382,0.0,0.0,0.21398164418557808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07356089520400096,0.0,0.0,0.07447333229519269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827894557025168,0.0,0.08844977493699689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495336979910975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973176766144612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239826148698457,0.08806094768097128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006611374987462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932409814224986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991886723076307,0.0,0.19692935060035693,0.0,0.0,0.07422214418679415,0.1348756086505874,0.0,0.09805963882476823,0.062002852450789264,0.0,0.0,0.07323648489218917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22969552917294025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581967230350619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119339739964093,0.0,0.0,0.09647765712030852,0.0,0.05166801763232853,0.20859545239577806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120492715797217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444207765558481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577549142462186,0.0,0.05641072872352619 ptsd,ElectricalAnalysis8,2019/03/19,"I’m reopening a wound that has never healed. Thank you to this sub for existing. I’m in the beginning steps of legally pursuing my abuser from ages 14 to 17. I wrote something that explains pretty accurately how I’m feeling right now. “I’m reopening a wound that has never healed”. I didn’t allow myself to think about the trauma for the past 4 years because I couldn’t function if I thought about it. Now here I am finally angry enough about the suffering I’ve experienced and the lack of consequences for my abuser that I’m ready to hold him accountable. And in only the 3 days since I spoke to a lawyer and had to recount the abuse I’ve cried myself to sleep every night and have had flashbacks that I never allowed myself to learn to cope with. All these thoughts about the abuse have piled up and now that my gate is down, they’re all flooding back in. I’m struggling with it so much but I came to this sub and reading everyone’s experience has helped me come to terms with the fact I have PTSD. When I was first diagnosed over a year ago I shrugged it off thinking of people who have survived so much worse than me. But now that I’m not shutting my feelings down, I’m realizing just how bad it’s gotten. I read symptoms and stories on this sub last night and cried over how much I understood those symptoms and feelings. But as much as it hurt, I was relieved to hear others understood how I’ve been feeling (also not relieved because these feelings suck and I would never wish these feelings upon anyone). Anyways, thank you all for sharing your stories here. ",6.822962253305228,6.559031644951142,6.635351599923358,79.65513125119755,64.79804560260587,9.438513125119755,34.019735581529034,8.841846274778883,2.7297121670818165,1253,49,240,17,17,395,159,307,0.14800000000000002,0.769,0.083,-0.9541,1,0,1,0,4,0,21.0,0,3,0,2,21,11,1,1,13,0,17,8,1,6,8,57,49,24,0,5,7,0,6,0,0,1,7,2,1,0,21,15,0,1,15,2,1,3,8,6,0,1,14,9,28,5,41,33,10,39,0,2,0,0,11,13,1,1,23,167,49,5,0.0,0.4639770330753706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678152057512878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828976241916588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845322863898458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527825679503848,0.08174154181173969,0.11935659390420242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119703289115992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433128491039882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21507481972144668,0.06313672979940753,0.0,0.0,0.09936538297939868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115579504594484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248409559659332,0.0935466510229444,0.0,0.0957639675779711,0.0,0.0,0.29700393227996674,0.0,0.0,0.10724352470033753,0.0,0.08327280480809622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033924226271004,0.0,0.06561960882820303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480286077445053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980071826712654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878679980721061,0.0,0.30202285090850084,0.0,0.0,0.18374308297788625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445657007878154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345563419401344,0.06787081178204164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959843696619194,0.0,0.0,0.11443864455351617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19585090438972894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360517637075353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098303083103538,0.0,0.09796966080373676,0.0,0.0,0.0753674018150474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023452484515102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350900720531007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18026441725179665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125459400324532,0.0,0.15544167660187475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257897178705907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997674033157718,0.06954461186111363,0.0,0.0,0.1260874401508658 ptsd,Prensianda,2019/03/19,"Fiance is a navy vet and gets night terrors due to ptsd Hey Guys My fiance is a navy vet and every now and then something triggers him and he gets really bad night terrors ( screaming,trashing etc.) Does anyone have any tips on how i can make it easier for him when he gets one? I read that you shouldn't try to wake a person that's having a night terror and that it's extremely hard to do so. He's usually unresponsive during the episode and they last anywhere from a couple of seconds to a few minutes. Some he remembers, most he doesn't. I'm just trying to find something that would make it easier for him. ❤",2.120860215053764,4.286297000000005,3.5706451612903223,87.86763440860216,79.0,6.3913978494623676,22.43010752688172,7.492282038375204,0.9560397849462374,484,15,97,7,12,159,80,124,0.131,0.823,0.046,-0.8882,0,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,0,5,4,0,3,7,0,9,1,1,4,0,17,15,10,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,0,1,8,0,10,13,4,10,0,0,0,0,13,1,0,2,9,59,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11973967613010515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311844665423607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701850964634014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19482793120365705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408781411264766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963744951038628,0.0,0.0,0.14835405028286078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609329060165955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759818416098529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434577388608002,0.0,0.0,0.15773209070505062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435277878090555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23506803881590266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4957143017827127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931560577422545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374528598778314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058267876443317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17612652904554374,0.0,0.11280063902919515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994630460606752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27110824790373056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23909200225446334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19392600964273607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508138411802866,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sanfordclark,2019/03/19,"Sleep is the best. Don’t have to feel anything, don’t have to worry about the shitty things going on. Being dead without the commitment. Sleep sleep sleep. I would honestly sleep all day if I could.",1.829736842105265,4.599201447368422,2.27926315789474,92.2578421052632,87.15789473684212,5.145263157894737,18.12631578947369,6.742157984588678,0.19782526315789487,157,4,30,2,5,48,27,38,0.26899999999999996,0.581,0.149,-0.6988,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,8,5,5,0,2,7,10,1,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,5,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,22,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696491798621422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741990719642865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259013102591098,0.0,0.0,0.1151762182826176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030081708844497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149720269935453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8935983122387722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864771644540648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215504865634335,0.0,0.0,0.18136751102714266,0.0,0.12686569959425906,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwawayofffmychest,2019/03/19,"Anyone awake? This is a terrible night. My anxiety is through the roof, my heart is pounding and I’m getting chest pains. I keep getting spikes of terror-Adrenaline out of nowhere. Every time I close my eyes I hear something and it sets me off all over again. A plane just flew by my house and my mind started racing thinking it was something bad coming. My dog barked downstairs and I nearly had a heart attack thinking someone’s breaking in. I have school tomorrow and as of right now I only have a 2.5 hour window for sleeping. I’m so fucked, but the more I think about that the worse my anxiety gets. Even as I’m typing this I keep hearing little noises downstairs and I just feel frozen in fear ",2.577893639207506,5.038431299270076,3.1271584984358722,90.07184306569343,79.07299270072993,5.374139728884256,25.114181438998962,6.5431188927421005,0.9254050052137646,556,21,106,5,14,173,91,137,0.175,0.825,0.0,-0.9657,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,2,1,7,0,7,7,5,0,1,20,25,10,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,5,9,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,3,4,17,0,15,22,2,20,0,0,1,1,2,9,1,0,7,66,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313509861651767,0.0,0.0,0.10572978267668874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202358651907462,0.0,0.0,0.12625431441652604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302543152996655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987300076328877,0.0,0.12740122964403675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015366686322134,0.07645648919326288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397915189686322,0.23700347859382384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408500763834795,0.3583699521816953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891172185882198,0.1744764257402501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688053884863081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155248095234988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15267933403763084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190065697305052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11500227425062465,0.16089845851894125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913280065933685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530329326653238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131953819617014,0.0,0.12812002691195887,0.2328182080888287,0.0,0.0,0.1070274540253274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906684329168238,0.0,0.0,0.08817196286458316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15409625054247228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Pinocho_2010,2019/03/19,"I am a college student and I think I have PTSD after a police raid in my apartment. Help Long story, but read if you can. I came to school last august for the start of my sophomore semester. I chose random roommates and got paired with 2 other individuals who I did not know prior. I moved in, got to know them, and they were really nice. About a day or 2 after we moved in to our university apartment, I noticed alot of traffic coming in and out of the apartment. I knew they were selling drugs. We spoke about it and I was completely fine with it. I didnt mind because it didnt effect me directly, and being a college athlete, i spent most of my time away from the dorm and would only come home at night mostly to sleep and eat. Lots of time passed, Halloween, thansgiving break christmas, and January, feburary. We grew very close and I met lots of different people over that time, and there were no problems. The day before spring break, about 3-4 weeks ago, I had come home at around 10pm on a Thursday night from studying for a computer science exam at 8am the next morning. I watched a little TV with them like we usually do and then I went to bed. I woke up at 6am to loud yelling and screeming coming from just outside my bedroom door. I hear ""COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP!! POLICE!! COME OUT OR WE ARE COMING IN!! I had only underwear on at the time so I said ""one sec"" as loudly as i could and I put on a pair of shorts. I opened my room door slowly and stuck my hands out. I had no shirt on, just shorts and i remember it was absolutely freezing and I was shaking. During this time they continued to yell at me to walk forward and I couldnt see anything because they had assault rifles aimed at me (6-7 officers) with bright flashlights, and that is all I could see. My roomates followed closely behind me. I reached the living roo. where all the cops were and they yelled at me to get on the ground or to turn around, I was scared of making any sudden movements, and i was absolutely freezing and shaking. They handcuffed me and put me on the couch and did the same with my roommates. They made the handcuffs extra tight. The main guy who was in charge of everything took me into the kicthen and explained what was going on and his confusing with me being there, saying he didnt expect to see me there and was unaware of my presence, he also mentioned that i wasnt on the search warrant. I explained to him the living situation and he asked me if I knew anything about the drugs. I said I knew nothing and he told me to go sit on the couch. They searched our rooms and the entire apartment and made a huge mess. After the longest hour of my life, I was taken to my room where I was told that i would be let free because my room was clean, and I didnt know anything. They asked me more questions, like if I ever help set up a drug exchange or anything like that. I answered truthfully and they told me I was allowed to shower once they finished searching the bathroom. I showered and went to my 8am class to take my exam, which I promptly failed and continied with my week. I was depressed. My roomates were taken away and I was left to care for their cat while not being able to get in contact with them. I was alone in that apartment for a couple days until spring break when i got to go home. Over the break I had to relocate and visit the apartment many time to move my stuff to another dorm. I didnt like going back to that place. Since I have been in and out of depression, have had a difficult time sleeping. Every sound, people walking outside my door at night, the sound of doors opening and closing and the sound of approaching noises keep me up at night. Once when I was at home during my spring break I got a wrong number phone call, and I looked out the window of my house while I was on the phone and i saw a state police car. My heart immediately began racing and my stomach felt sick, no one was there, and after I calmed down I remembered that a state police officer actually lived in .y neighborhood and occasionally parked infront of our house. But I just got a flash back to the yellow letters that read state police on the officers backs during the raid. It got a little better when I finally got in contact with my roomates and figured out the situation with their belongings and cat. But things have gotten worse since then. And now its 2am and im on the PTSD section of resdit posting about it for help. I have team lift at 6am and practice at 6pm later today after classes. I dont know what to do. And my new roommate is a long time friend and teammate but he fucking snores so damn loud I want to strangle him. Do I have PTSD? What can I do? At times I dont even feel like playing the sport I have been playing for 12+ years and am going to college for. I dont feel like pkaying video games that i used to love to play for hours. Homework and focusing in class as well as studying is hard. I miss my girlfriend alot, but I dont feel like myself. I feel like who i used to be is lost and i am afraid of spiraling into something worse. I have talked to her and she has been there for me through this situation and is being cautious of my emotions and feelings too to help in any way she can. She has experience with anciety and depression and I think she wants me to maybe seel out help. I am going to speak to her about it when we see each other again. She goes to my school too and I see her often. anything will help. 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ptsd,Terryr29,2019/03/19,(I’m 15) I’m not sure if i have ptsd I cut my hand open real bad a few years ago and really fucked it up I cut the tendon on my thumb and the artery in my wrist I had to get surgery for that luckily its all fixed but I still have flashes about it when i sleep or zone out i’m not sure what this means I also don’t really like talking about it 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ptsd,throwaway728190562,2019/03/19,Writing down my trauma My therapist (who I just started seeing) gave me a homework assignment to write down a traumatic event I told her about. I have my appointment wednesday and I haven’t done it yet. Just the thought of writing it is giving me horrible anxiety. Is there anything I can do to get myself to write this?,3.3426775956284125,5.8686767377049245,4.430737704918034,81.4043579234973,76.70491803278688,8.001092896174864,31.478142076502728,8.841846274778883,3.079948633879781,255,13,45,6,6,83,44,61,0.188,0.773,0.039,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,14,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,12,0,7,10,0,6,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,4,38,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787756293492065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29988158240961976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3729219325328601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19039121754098806,0.34957901022506555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29039069048782445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579340278433183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.423112614920704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28930392421301754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3482130896881627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,candacelaine,2019/03/19,"Having a hard time with partner's parents Hi everyone. I'm having a tough week and wanted to reach out. &#x200B; I was diagnosed with PTSD just over a year ago, resulting from an abusive long-term relationship that ended in 2012. I've come really far in my healing process, but lately I'm struggling. &#x200B; The abusive boyfriend's parents were also abusive toward me. Now I'm in a healthy relationship, and I get along great with my partner's parents. But they'd always lived out-of-state before, and I knew ahead of time when I'd see them and for how long. Now that they've moved close to us, I am massively triggered if they drop by unexpectedly, or even with a few hours notice. I end up running to hide in the bedroom before they even show up. My heart races, I get angry, and I just freeze up for hours. And even though I know it's trigger stuff, I don't feel like I can just stop it. &#x200B; No one but my boyfriend sees any of this, and I tell him it's PTSD and not me hating his family. I don't ask him to cancel or anything, but I feel like it makes me look like a selfish jerk that I can't just go with the flow. &#x200B; And all of this just makes me so PISSED at my abuser but that's a whole other story. &#x200B; Do any of you deal with this? With just not being able to function if someone drops by? How do you handle it?",3.5932608695652126,4.679834268115943,4.328231884057973,88.61060869565218,72.26086956521739,6.8243478260869574,26.118840579710145,6.961326702584282,0.9953310144927544,1062,34,225,9,20,340,146,276,0.228,0.72,0.051,-0.9949,3,0,0,0,1,0,51.0,1,2,4,1,17,10,3,1,11,0,13,4,2,7,1,51,32,24,0,3,17,3,4,3,2,0,2,0,1,2,14,20,0,1,4,1,0,5,6,6,0,1,3,7,33,4,34,27,3,36,0,0,3,0,21,13,1,4,19,146,47,0,0.06939657388771428,0.32889436898080954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151587560179004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055496415065713525,0.05774350871820402,0.3759557940687804,0.42162216553551796,0.09438409990712752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710746733828461,0.0,0.06487642873614365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810274615852467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977900361167428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154482048489963,0.0,0.07043606170962559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229295329402214,0.0,0.0,0.13750734767447784,0.0,0.0,0.0663114002745506,0.0,0.0,0.06542091372442424,0.0,0.07017798578273643,0.09915385250294836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251369123674091,0.0,0.03943967218506084,0.0,0.0,0.07650996770263238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06216569932713632,0.06851474949704965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08223527418841729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668329280821942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038138542131491926,0.0,0.07828235804733796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171098193557654,0.0,0.061278446147023616,0.12282756821560185,0.058275644091931006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264550388655377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375757552170205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900845932855748,0.0,0.0,0.047024914463763744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23117004831444385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224176243367516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044457222233302014,0.0,0.0,0.14901189882525984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060016916759724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058799491854666125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801864314301015,0.0,0.07254836663903493,0.07944247411659552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065566435567241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06818178149902851,0.0,0.08093140061278051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347553381214537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04093189728220472,0.0,0.055665745635916135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774787964511048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42162216553551796,0.044689118327639415 ptsd,booktattoo,2019/03/19,"I missed a thing because of my PTSD, and now people are (probably) mad (trigger warning: brief mention of suicidal thoughts) I’m part of an honorary volunteer group at my university. We were putting on a reception for some alums, and I had the opportunity to help, so I took it. I’d had a really intense therapy session that morning, but I thought I was alright. But on the walk from my apartment to the event, I got triggered. It all just hit me again. The painful memories and panicked feeling flooded me. It was so bad that I contemplated suicide and bashed my head into a brick wall. I was inconsolable until I could get home and pop a Vistaril. I emailed the people in charge that night and explained (not oversharing but providing the necessary information) what happened and why I was absent. It was Friday. I get that they don’t answer on weekends, but they haven’t responded all day on Monday. I think I’ve burned bridges. I hate being like this. 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The attackers surround me. I'm not sure how many. Everytime I look there seems to be more. They rush towards me. I fight them off at first but it's not long before I'm overpowered. They force me to the ground, punching me, kicking me. I'm not sure if I see the knife but I feel it. It stabs into my side. I'm going to die here. I thrash my body wildly, trying to escape, trying to survive. Suddenly an opening. My right leg is free. It has a clear path to an attackers head. This is my best and only chance. I kick with all my strength. I scream with rage. My leg impacts something hard. It's dark. Where am I? My leg! Is it broken? I scream with pain. Wait, I'm in a bed. My daughter's room! She was sick. I was cuddling her to help her go to sleep. Where is she?! It's too dark I can't see her! Did I just kick my daughter with all my strength? No no no no no! Fuck! Where is she?! I scream with terror. My wife runs in. ""What happened? Is she ok? She's shaking. Stop screaming."" She's alive. Is she ok? I hold her. She's scared out of her wits but she isn't hurt. My leg! It hurts so bad. I think something is broken. I must have kicked a wall or some furniture. ""I don't think you should sleep near her anymore"" I sob with sadness. 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But I can’t handle thinking about them for more than a few seconds not in depth without tearing up and having a breakdown. Is this a trigger? Is this related to ptsd? I’ve been assessed I just don’t know if it’s normal.. I don’t know what to do. I can’t avoid them they’re family I jus can’t handle it. ",0.6798286604361365,2.9166996542056083,2.6650700934579445,91.83691978193147,85.16822429906544,5.061993769470405,22.00077881619938,6.42735559955562,0.4691376947040502,401,14,84,4,12,134,60,107,0.032,0.9059999999999999,0.062,0.3956,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,1,5,0,11,0,0,1,0,19,16,5,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,10,2,0,2,1,0,11,0,16,15,4,8,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,0,63,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856724042462813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18838973736336925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.425403503441981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479982090627557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210672786513873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940188771844973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26374675243231793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117365083701554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43371943358994536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349941771839341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Autumn-Bottom-,2019/10/21,"Need Assistance I've been diagnosed with PTSD after experiencing sexual assault and previous relationship violence and I usually understand what is going on when experiencing things like a panic attack. But last night caught me off guard and I don't know what exactly to call what was going on inside my head. I've started seeing this new guy and he doesn't quite know all my history. We were acting cute laying on his bed and I started a tickle fight (cheesy, I know) and I looked at his face and it was like a switch flipped in my brain. All the sudden I felt like I was being intensely scrutinized, and so I sat up and it was like I was back in my old house with my ex fiance. I couldn't speak. I couldn't say what emotions I was feeling. I felt incredibly anxious, had to stand up, and suddenly felt like I was on autopilot. I knew I was not in any danger but I couldn't control my thoughts. He kept trying to ask me if I was okay and I couldn't answer him and couldn't look at him. The whole thing lasted like 30 minutes, and then he finally got me to ""snap out of it"" and thats when the panic attack set in. I'm embarrassed that he had to see me like that and am looking for a little explanation of what the fuck happened. Help?",3.1032868525896404,4.634851071713153,4.724420318725102,83.54376195219125,74.13944223107569,8.207250996015937,24.900597609561753,8.841846274778883,1.7484596015936258,973,31,201,20,20,328,137,251,0.11699999999999999,0.778,0.105,-0.785,0,0,0,0,1,0,22.0,1,0,0,2,4,18,6,3,8,1,23,5,3,1,3,46,51,22,0,7,4,1,4,7,0,0,1,2,1,1,14,19,0,3,11,0,0,4,8,9,0,0,22,13,34,9,25,23,3,37,0,0,5,1,18,15,1,1,23,131,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604032986920319,0.0,0.0,0.12632293666874078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104535086877693,0.2544190898926236,0.0,0.08598142875168574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482628780175282,0.11417906360012595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541381642027188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349329754392284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578062228373038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05653873050361684,0.0,0.3220895283104096,0.12249156490442893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337428648705442,0.0,0.0,0.12709791949433172,0.0,0.08943136982410048,0.0,0.0,0.11071777197053786,0.09888062031667576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475791303674004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07494950017954577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902339249748815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435736489066087,0.1822938007371742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824016713068165,0.11207138815987476,0.0,0.0,0.2816978201487991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291190871175838,0.0,0.10799488400381356,0.0,0.10493397077919232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733457538736325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26238954246111484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307096973553479,0.0,0.0,0.11893260651802172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005108860770547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08892246039155162,0.0,0.0,0.17820953646576387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15829124364657438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14857432039415674,0.0,0.0,0.08877130004601512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591733712709893,0.0,0.0,0.11640687255640683,0.0,0.0,0.12315214321633212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12484122316805513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,supercuck9k,2019/10/21,"Negative self talk Sometimes when I have intrusive thoughts it feels like I'm making myself think about them. Like, I'll be chillin with my grilfriend, then all of a sudden I start thinking thinking about Iraq. I just keep thinking about all the shit from there. It makes me feel like a piece of shit, like I should be strong enough to keep that out of my head. Then I find myself apologizeing to my girl cause I'm in a shitty mood and on edge, and all i do is patrol my appartment. She's never once even giving me a wierd look, she's completely understanding. I just don't feel like I deserve someone as dooe as her, cause I'm like this all the time, and I feel like a fucking scum bag. My question is, how does everone combat negative self talk?",3.993062843197073,5.2975316375838934,4.264539353264187,88.61388041488712,71.5503355704698,7.297376449054301,26.297132397803537,7.686295010490155,1.2533570469798656,590,19,123,7,11,184,89,149,0.098,0.7190000000000001,0.183,0.9074,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,9,12,3,0,7,0,8,4,3,5,5,32,29,9,0,1,2,0,4,7,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,5,0,2,12,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,5,22,8,15,25,6,10,0,0,1,1,12,3,3,1,14,76,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532636889524783,0.0,0.0,0.12924583958775715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787406541303847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737045799638966,0.0,0.08141841406897543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493152723087255,0.3522553328014291,0.0,0.0,0.11266618928121737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396076705149698,0.0,0.11825144126743604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651018197386668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21913538450318365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215631301054407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351542519848328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16456684223713686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507312168353424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127811035159034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380901734990252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571941722884429,0.0,0.2530689641268027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444593956248166,0.0,0.12191679515874873,0.0,0.08725086361664049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815888446451552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159447517965732,0.0,0.0978623000862923,0.07187950023447921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832801016000486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,stabby_and_snappy,2019/10/21,"Slammed with flashbacks (trigger warning) I’m actually in a really good place mentally. I have bipolar and have been in a bad place for over 18 months. With admissions and meds I’m doing well, my mood is stable and has been since August. And I am getting slammmmmmed with flashbacks to my abuse. So so many, and new ones too. The new ones jump in, I dissociate for god knows how long, I come out of it and within 1 minute I’m either crying or CONVINCED I am making it up, lying, must be being untruthful. Maybe thinking that my abusers and yelling at my from the other side that what I’m thinking is all lies, how could I make these things up about what had supposedly happened. Fuck these human scum.",3.903509358288773,5.714618963235296,4.675935828877005,83.5594385026738,72.60294117647058,7.298395721925132,27.06951871657754,8.00094639256281,1.6650676470588237,553,20,107,8,11,178,92,136,0.163,0.7490000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9197,0,0,0,0,3,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,1,0,4,0,15,2,0,5,2,25,28,12,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,10,12,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,2,3,1,10,3,18,21,2,19,0,0,0,1,1,12,1,1,5,75,20,0,0.0,0.405347281105068,0.1669261882932068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282479245623575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734978075940278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657446675024698,0.0,0.1878972173049116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813871213911904,0.08936981097241092,0.0,0.0,0.1434738353796613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126444383589066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940080209108923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137936528139986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22836270030037975,0.1734241511912101,0.1718489570238293,0.0,0.19000489027997974,0.0,0.1723844293995405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653543688571718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304143119984741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23182423318651854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574346693109725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958298990399692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149946666724614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364214681674792,0.21921182810943265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380007810746354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Demomaroo,2019/10/21,"PTSD Sleep Question “Suffering O’clock” Has anyone had this problem? If so, do you have any advice for me? I am having an issue where every night around 9 pm I sink into a deep depression, with a side of anxiety. I tried going to bed earlier hoping I was just overly tired but I couldn’t get to sleep. The later it gets the worse I feel. My husband has become reluctant to go to sleep himself because he doesn’t want to leave me in such bad condition. At this point any night I get more than 5 hours of sleep is a huge deal. It’s usually more like 3 or 4 minus getting back to sleep from nightmares. Occasionally there is just no sleep at all. So most night I’m getting 3-5 hours of intense suffering followed by 3-5 hours of broken sleep. It’s really screwing up my ability to function day to day. I avoid caffeine. We have introduced a weighted blanket, and sleep headphones that are meant to play me something distracting while blocking any light, and some nights I use melatonin, but I’m not supposed to take it more than 3 days in a row. I haven’t been able to connect this back to any specific trauma. I’m open to any insomnia advice or insight from anyone who can help me understand why “Suffering O’clock” has become a thing.",3.5431481481481484,5.356023674897124,4.687594650205764,83.09534259259262,73.56790123456791,7.658353909465021,28.61090534979424,8.395991825355821,2.1556569547325104,975,40,185,17,20,320,150,243,0.20600000000000002,0.7140000000000001,0.081,-0.9855,1,1,1,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,0,0,10,13,1,2,9,0,18,12,8,1,1,30,36,10,0,5,8,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,10,7,1,2,5,1,0,3,5,10,0,0,4,3,19,3,32,31,6,34,0,4,0,1,9,14,1,7,18,113,29,0,0.08208825126546355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043137816578668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791141289329756,0.0,0.06279728753265537,0.0,0.0,0.11479602786344348,0.0,0.0,0.07307594734617871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624159643557287,0.06854026097811604,0.05004023605582476,0.18132004835269355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882039322390248,0.0846293825716756,0.07070249052985088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06916289212839911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0415062863157951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21443861609289205,0.0,0.0933052898373114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05502202447716715,0.0,0.0,0.0815321556033648,0.2425211762324136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567880712391351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691960548233273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04010417313057371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30813705200797264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759993071350685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854737020055892,0.09595677289455476,0.0,0.09195762819617312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052587835750460984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6571802753503958,0.0,0.0,0.06319554629325562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172014894270915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453578658845242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434836916006503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05573253419491855,0.0,0.0,0.08545676456501636,0.0,0.07089789277391724,0.09040861142812344,0.0,0.048417777429623415,0.0,0.0,0.09996137533768698,0.0,0.0,0.0740718787563675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365494103501085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Potato_Tg,2019/10/21,"I have mastered the mask so well that I forgot that i even have one. I’m ruining someone else’s life by putting my everything on them and when they try to breathe my earth start shaking. Does it happens to anyone else too? All my life i hid it inside coz i never had anyone who can listen to me. I made someone my obsession but luckily that person is an amazing human being but it’s not easy to live with a wounded pathetic codependent person. I want to send them free but i also know im weak and I don’t even know if i can survive the distance. Is someone wanna talk about it? I can really use an ear rn but don’t know whom to ask.",0.5058457711442799,2.6952911268656727,2.8641492537313447,90.43930845771149,85.49253731343283,5.662885572139304,22.36616915422885,7.0316486544052195,0.8093996019900498,497,18,105,7,15,170,86,134,0.13,0.745,0.125,0.4627,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,2,8,7,0,2,5,0,11,6,2,3,2,20,23,10,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,3,9,3,0,1,3,0,1,3,4,4,1,1,3,2,19,4,11,19,1,7,0,1,0,0,12,1,0,1,3,73,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362236085742202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382162248451485,0.17453701163443155,0.0,0.0,0.15924814645019802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490687154120823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28460021644044103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502050608142216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309372383238815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063416481109373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18400017484829992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808489428781969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24063725601253835,0.0,0.0,0.1504164017096273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611831066848069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137938266548402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542914138801008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2974746888953482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17124223296031174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091263864996572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.432994399005155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056998230415572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691562583422492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565203207866807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471220623257903,0.0,0.0,0.10047298995743796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15315923376370996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,I_have_questions01,2019/10/21,"Fighting feels useless... I’ve suffered with PTSD through my teenage days of being bullied at my community college. Last month I had a moment where I confronted one of my close friends who once bullied me when I was 17-18 years old. We patched things up and everything got resolved. I felt really good and that my anxiety was completely gone, until I suddenly encountered some ***hole that bullied me far worse than I thought my friend did. What’s worse is he does recognise me in some way and anytime I see him approaching me, he’d quickly cross the road on the other side or put his hat down. It really triggers me because he works in the chicken shop that I usually buy my takeaways from and not a day goes by where I don’t encounter him down my local road. It’s got to a point where I don’t even buy from there anymore and that snub always brings me back to my harsh feelings of rejection and low self-esteem I just wish I could fully recover, but I always feel that things are far beyond my control. Whenever I bring a thought to my friend, a new one just pops up and replaced it. Building all that courage up was hard enough in the first place and I’m finding myself to keep losing willpower, every time I’ve got to address whatever’s on my chest.",4.827256489640392,5.872669020242918,5.1250535841867135,84.19695879971422,69.32388663967612,8.240914503453203,32.343176946892115,8.4952907291091,2.458285258394856,996,44,195,15,17,315,154,247,0.126,0.8,0.07400000000000001,-0.7617,1,0,0,0,2,0,22.0,1,0,0,5,11,13,2,0,9,0,12,1,1,2,1,32,28,12,0,2,5,0,5,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,14,11,0,2,8,1,3,6,3,7,0,3,12,6,37,6,27,13,4,48,0,5,1,0,12,25,0,3,16,126,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21461071377055985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865432845683236,0.0,0.1278940322636504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916256265999948,0.0,0.0786130432997066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521249216040446,0.0,0.14464001831280404,0.10296436016060102,0.0,0.0,0.16633753732973924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285408699030244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332505333110569,0.0,0.08517710673803935,0.0,0.1086546719635206,0.0,0.11590126324821952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19561871049410096,0.0,0.12382217686197912,0.0,0.1178674399386414,0.10969362304894653,0.0,0.0,0.2989033809984953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816583810405038,0.30942416086955565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552315923293355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462590035281345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511991194246748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14427366488584026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102934935297198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245507269123808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532221263310565,0.13733858299318544,0.17477376560746255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13473613663131415,0.0,0.12190923133195435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074776893626732,0.12964078882342267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523062778028735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276471665428856,0.0,0.13453378892184836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17135107626905485,0.0,0.0,0.20476025418570407,0.0751978275892522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203162584877765,0.0,0.0,0.10236273742112237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482980586868258,0.0,0.0,0.0938846837354704,0.0,0.2628432645474785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304624879028308 ptsd,Pastelmarshall,2019/10/21,"Do you ever recover? I have trauma relating to domestic abuse and I have been in and out of therapy for about a year. And have been living with PTSD for just over 2 years now. I just started my freshman year of college and am at a point where I'm truly starting to realize I'll NEVER be the person I was before the trauma and this had been causing me to have a lot of episodes in the past few weeks. I've been missing class and assignments because I have been crying or using steryotipical college kid coping mechanisms that are WILDLY unhealthy. I just want to know if I'm ever going to feel good again, if I'll ever be able to sleep not worrying about waking up my roommate with my night terrors. Or being able to go through my day without thinking about my abuser. Am I going to have to live as this angry and mean version of myself forever? What does ""recovery"" even look like? Does anyone ever get there or do I just have to cope forever? Sorry this ended up being a bit ""stream-of-consciousness-y"" I needed an outlet to vent after waking up at 3am and now writing this at 4.",3.8873790322580644,5.15770417511521,5.360204493087559,80.78887816820276,71.76497695852534,7.8213133640553,27.38738479262673,8.278499904357787,1.9489633640552992,854,30,159,13,16,288,127,217,0.14300000000000002,0.805,0.052000000000000005,-0.9690000000000001,0,0,0,0,2,0,19.0,0,1,0,0,17,6,0,1,8,0,23,3,3,2,5,38,40,14,0,4,11,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,11,0,0,5,0,0,3,3,4,0,0,7,2,17,2,36,29,4,34,0,1,1,0,4,12,0,6,20,121,23,4,0.25354191062057685,0.3004057046053474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864119952448009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727839771168528,0.0,0.10787274584700544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840104980927118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302286917704639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925194170288546,0.0817567786756696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187623457285155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228143879188217,0.0,0.0,0.08373102037709103,0.4586863474092687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409920404589561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623259187140049,0.0,0.21614056602194545,0.10632946270703356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06967000169163773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061933885316314524,0.0,0.22388215218110427,0.0,0.10645567437968784,0.0,0.0,0.10777613283254492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380907345119327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399905705363673,0.09777357591679058,0.0,0.0,0.11896595385867773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210172212762593,0.0,0.11069150839325052,0.0,0.0,0.11983952876216633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14818846279227535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686250777810626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190970557888952,0.17945826931029654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497363559562162,0.0,0.0,0.08122970937600928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948940265971116,0.0,0.0,0.07477279396420361,0.0,0.10168801364376748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222026770870282,0.0,0.0,0.12874205872620678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449090166123747 ptsd,MyShrooms,2019/10/21,"I'm afraid to go to sleep and haven't made progress on this in 1+ yr. Any tips if you had the same? It's dread of waking up, I think, but I'm not sure. Thought break-through was made and that it was fear of beds/mattresses, but couch-sleeping didn't stick. Just stuck on this. Been working with therapist on it since March or so I think?",0.6886692759295521,2.465086438356168,1.4086497064579255,103.53767123287672,81.87671232876713,5.267318982387477,20.01761252446184,6.1826913282559595,-0.4035346379647744,262,7,68,2,7,80,56,73,0.154,0.816,0.03,-0.8252,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,2,4,0,3,1,0,6,2,2,2,1,16,15,7,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,9,0,3,1,10,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,1,36,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735027455391892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28710144152677397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14500093583573814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4828359246334881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21105298047475848,0.0,0.5106449757819075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404647624440781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962351499379481,0.0,0.3269645516517381,0.0,0.20255125549244504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574367020353452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,IAmNotMrRager,2019/10/21,"Is this PTSD? Im gonna keep this very brief I just need some opinions. in late 2016 I got jumped in a bad neighbourhood. They came up from behind and surprised me. Broke my nose and my jaw. in 2017 I had a very bad acid trip that made me relive that moment again and again and again. last week I got robbed at gun point and thought death was certain then. Now I cant even close my eyes without being scared. I zone out very intensely sometimes just thinking how I shouldve died but didnt. Like if im not thinking about what im doing atm, everyother passing thought is death. My death. Im really paranoid and dont wanna get out the house. Anxiety is killing me. Any of these sound right? what do you guys think?",1.1337328767123296,3.4290616027397287,1.7084760273972643,99.06627568493151,83.65753424657535,4.7458904109589035,20.08390410958904,5.985473137389443,-0.2198479452054798,558,16,126,4,16,170,100,146,0.24,0.73,0.03,-0.9866,0,0,0,1,0,0,16.0,0,1,1,0,9,8,1,1,3,0,11,3,3,2,1,29,24,10,5,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,10,0,1,5,0,1,5,5,5,0,0,9,4,16,3,13,13,1,24,0,1,1,0,3,10,0,3,10,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025163340669932,0.0,0.10152760440682077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22162512987229885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517920884342385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13773856371213006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554251237284994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765786289043759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933878783507594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21229069411737536,0.0,0.0,0.13141000025485847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313678860417598,0.0,0.0,0.5734255025746898,0.0,0.0,0.11796434325624487,0.14683091974378973,0.0,0.0,0.10818149595579693,0.1497097644126984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483847925033727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557936973903264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840745303149943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545979893447926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551382497775465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502145864034752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333899300455555,0.0,0.0,0.13287216644723115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312598118776111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551177339668659,0.0,0.21072383148705606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285145340959352,0.0,0.0,0.10645700861451746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279337748984362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,runawaymo,2019/10/21,"Trauma & neurosurgery... *TW I was sexually assaulted almost two years ago and had nearly 20 spinal discs herniate/rupture. I just had surgery recently to repair my spine but spent over a year in agonizing physical and emotional pain. I was in individual therapy for a while and did some EMDR...but I still can’t be touched without feeling terrified, not even by my parents or close friends. I also freeze up & sob even hearing about another girl being assaulted/going through what I went through. I don’t know why but it seems like every little thing reminds me of it...advice?",5.120681341719081,7.480754443396227,6.035408805031447,72.76923480083859,70.60377358490567,9.616771488469603,34.41928721174004,9.994966539143718,4.059433123689728,465,24,76,13,9,153,85,106,0.157,0.711,0.133,-0.4069,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,1,0,2,0,9,3,2,0,0,15,15,8,0,0,6,1,3,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,1,1,4,4,0,1,7,4,10,2,13,6,1,14,0,1,0,0,4,7,1,4,7,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252859640217908,0.16557767487640254,0.0,0.18704276283999785,0.0,0.0,0.14937554380334978,0.0,0.4047728208645307,0.0,0.0,0.19586514034704525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21011311403277472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467454857100185,0.0,0.15737826063261018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444641403329557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14431315085571578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615681162636133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21052540979236592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265465731458102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125594400652837,0.18721221069434155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875726169150348,0.0,0.2074077015432932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844321562328778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004620027697284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917038405825508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21361014095545444,0.0,0.12409468388898807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824662587266321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731557936660057,0.168548524819136,0.0,0.0,0.18005847042772474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405727052595719 ptsd,Nessiegee,2019/10/21,"PTSD and my sexuality Hi, Last year I had a number of horrible things happen to me to do with men, 2 of them being full blown rape when I was drunk. I have seen a therapist since who said I have PTSD and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Although I am doing much better now, I found that after the first rape happened, I started to have OCD- I was completely obsessed with thinking I had herpes or HIV (I think because I felt dirty after what happened)- luckily I got checked and I'm all clear. However I also started getting obsessive thoughts about my sexuality which are still present (up until the incidents I was 100% sure I was straight), I have no problem with being bisexual or gay, but for some reason the idea of it gives me major anxiety? Just wanting to know if any of you have had OCD trigger from what happened, and if questioning your sexuality after is normal? Could it be because I no longer feel as safe around men and my mind feels safer around women instead? I just want to stop feeling anxious :(",7.868593750000002,7.249443671874999,8.123000000000001,71.02200000000002,62.80208333333334,11.013333333333335,38.47083333333333,10.355215969177356,4.011698333333333,803,37,143,16,10,264,127,192,0.18100000000000002,0.722,0.096,-0.9215,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,1,2,10,8,2,2,5,0,21,5,0,2,3,42,44,15,0,7,7,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,8,10,1,2,12,1,1,0,2,5,0,1,13,6,26,3,23,27,5,19,0,0,1,4,11,5,0,6,14,108,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514944219879543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941510407400438,0.0,0.2011731194606028,0.14854194542025442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23410113498174376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030549696370822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628883176197045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13786074703175902,0.0,0.0,0.10498100717312513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069454160899226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19945007396294032,0.0,0.12624734244998895,0.0,0.0,0.11184206855833984,0.0,0.14416779809688213,0.0,0.0,0.06869609664237288,0.12613351487915234,0.0,0.0,0.10516150119361012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4650911415942454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484318807494164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226136006538597,0.10717877732117637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327635486437397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665746353304737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882852889684016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581450656173798,0.30740059157064564,0.0,0.14729460179950055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351896811778373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250734571699743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876671810370207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18613317497448606,0.0,0.10500502476466207,0.109928325215146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392415862497975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15266557701876296,0.08735356845255099,0.16850205640029414,0.0,0.10438533138996607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551078988531376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467278217778759 ptsd,brokenpa,2019/10/21,"Gut-punch horrible feeling. Makes you feel like the person is ""diseased"". I have been struggling with this feeling ever since I was young. Background: I was molested by a few people during my childhood including males and females. I am now 38 years old. However, I remember being about 10 when I would look at certain people and have an ""off"" feeling. It was as if this person was diseased or poison to me and I needed to get away. Sometimes I had to get away to throw up even though I wasn't sick. For some reason, it would be triggered when someone I knew very well got a hair cut. I felt so sick and disgusted like this person was going to hurt me. I can not explain it any other way. I hate it and wish it would stop. Does anyone else know what I mean? Just looking at someone can make you ill?",2.3487552742616025,4.500324297468357,3.454708860759492,89.05505907172999,78.17721518987341,5.732320675105486,24.45738396624473,6.742157984588678,0.90199611814346,621,22,122,6,15,200,106,158,0.179,0.6940000000000001,0.128,-0.9157,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,0,0,10,11,5,1,4,0,19,5,1,4,2,33,39,12,0,6,4,0,6,2,0,3,4,0,0,4,10,6,0,1,11,0,0,2,2,7,1,0,11,8,19,4,16,23,2,18,0,1,2,0,7,6,0,3,11,87,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09300769785841843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563215516611856,0.14013613547695794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569981980656278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968758661983772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142530576019137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033471992567073,0.12371550752736905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766183246718755,0.09770789321683188,0.13131981228024533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429124501220388,0.0,0.0777290479611005,0.0,0.10938676670619206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503119966895188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464141815179113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516473657780773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363697608750566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297032446583831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18258891152006035,0.0,0.0,0.1489816769255401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014125762946115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14351619403473345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18963698667367676,0.35826458451676063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406214436674771,0.0,0.0,0.15493276181717353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313683699420927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317680786500498,0.0,0.1352681659405789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434511611405407,0.0,0.1429807895847842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437497500850706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128488551987648,0.0,0.1085609686673294,0.0,0.0,0.1229718724485381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727774879928322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914705958229362,0.0,0.0,0.08807483504247136 ptsd,firey_sponge,2019/10/21,"how do i explain my ptsd to my SO? i don’t want to say i’m a lot to handle, but i am a lot to accept. i’ve been diagnosed with ptsd w/ psycho semantic tendencies, MDD, ADHD. i started dating this guy. he’s the most amazing guy i’ve ever been with and without a doubt the healthiest relationship i’ve been in. however, he doesn’t understand anything i have going on mentally. i don’t know how to attempt to explain things to him.",1.7790000000000001,3.5206592888888903,4.661944444444448,81.67625000000005,78.33333333333333,8.055555555555555,27.91666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.4170000000000003,336,15,68,8,8,121,56,90,0.0,0.838,0.162,0.9238,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,5,0,9,1,0,2,1,18,17,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,1,9,2,12,14,3,6,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,4,3,46,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507172228153033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716741041760605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174197279771906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18870611732494594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856190979824302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41312747039950654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465050649541705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547176092246815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023697713320133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4877244697397754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239767007251828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590069719357076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476602624633351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385959364479831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171777662268309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304777511010692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010994471499393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Samanthietta,2019/10/21,"What should I do? I don’t know if I have PTSD or not, but I am dealing with a traumatic event. When I was very young (maybe 12 or younger I can’t really remember) I looked up something on the internet I rather not say and I came across some images that were so horrific and gory that they still haunt me to this day. I remember struggling to suppress them for months after I saw them, but I eventually managed to suppress them enough to the point that I could make myself believe that the event never happened. I even have trouble remembering the months it was still affecting me. I went on for years after this functioning fairly normally. Although, the images still tried to pop up here and there, but I was able to quickly suppress them before they could come back. Then, last Friday night my sister was playing some Halloween music in her car that reminded me of the event somehow, and this time it came back so strong that I wasn’t able to suppress the images and they were back in my mind again. I was overwhelmed with this intense feeling of depression, but at the same time I was relieved to finally take a break from constantly suppressing it. But later that night I started feeling intense anxiety and nausea. I even started to sweat profusely. And now I’m still having trouble re-suppressing the images. More than anything I feel extremely ashamed for letting my morbid curiosity get the better of me and searching for something that could lead me to find such horrible images. I’m also afraid of what this past event says about who I am as a person, and I’m scared to say anything to anyone because I don’t want them to think I’m a horrible person for searching such a thing. Even though I did it when my brain was much less developed I still feel this overwhelming guilt for doing it. I also don’t want to let what I saw affect how I see the world. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I hope it wasn’t too difficult to understand. Basically, I’m lost, and all I want to do is completely forget it all.",6.148797709923662,6.599970040712472,6.259354325699746,79.35177958015271,66.1501272264631,9.501653944020356,32.151081424936386,9.408791572840183,2.807454707379136,1618,62,304,29,24,515,190,393,0.155,0.7609999999999999,0.085,-0.9897,1,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,8,4,31,18,0,7,17,0,31,2,2,5,3,65,64,30,0,11,11,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,27,15,0,5,11,2,0,6,9,12,0,0,18,11,51,6,44,40,10,55,0,4,4,0,18,10,0,7,38,233,78,3,0.17456570507688504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960013128113286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677114328823536,0.0,0.0,0.06103019992228419,0.0,0.14365270131624922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20134537785931944,0.0,0.053206816777286885,0.0,0.0742712788243612,0.09833788558132987,0.0,0.07719459010447614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974365296053435,0.0,0.19965666177349747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518644890992968,0.09151441026079483,0.09432175579261724,0.0,0.20906476644478625,0.0,0.0,0.0562902191570644,0.08998478838994046,0.07517659299454386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901865188493934,0.0,0.17294850275236132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653133119887085,0.0,0.0,0.09561409860373696,0.07977494595793833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04560168798444897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718393824369757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669156675851687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047968373111334735,0.07114717430597517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17850526062948555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329561338415387,0.0,0.09527954413803576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05826198183186791,0.0,0.08768735698761694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813079951948355,0.0,0.13933668033839713,0.0,0.12832587901896925,0.0,0.06731791669482554,0.0,0.0,0.16381808880948634,0.08551866358336291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332135900856909,0.0,0.1524240403600044,0.0,0.0,0.08251050795998617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202898380104683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873064725179238,0.0,0.055915630341298914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966233714524845,0.0,0.0,0.2082324828472486,0.08738536200771714,0.0,0.0695531329241256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438920827690265,0.0,0.0,0.12355850453817235,0.0,0.34852099392528585,0.0,0.0,0.0912469886122258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125168524776884,0.0,0.0,0.0803583237963281,0.0,0.0,0.05798684885458785,0.055927327579516586,0.08575495945977207,0.0,0.15268599967581786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05925932747668835,0.0,0.0,0.09086452768764076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201749434401089,0.1544450635437137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091207875261665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056207295354027666 ptsd,W1ndchill1836,2019/10/21,"No one understands, and I don't know why Hi all, I've recently been trying my best to fully come to terms that no one will understand how I feel regarding my trauma. I worked at the refugee camp in Lesvos called Moria. Every once in a while it'll make the news again for the latest awful thing to happen there. From an outside view it seems to get worse and worse there every day. People I try to talk about this to seem alienated, though properly concerned. During the time I've worked there, Trump made it harder for people there to immigrate to the states. In a lot of social media, I see xenophobia and hate from people who've never been there or met refugees, yet make judgments based on their nationality, religion, race etc. Simply put, it feels like no one gives a shit but me. I used to try to correct or inform people in the early days, but I learned not to pretty quick. Even volunteers who were in the camp with me for the term I worked, don't understand how I'm so disturbed by it after the 2 years and a half since we were there. My family tries, but they can't grasp it. I *logically* know why people react this way, but I feel incredibly alone and impotent. I want to be able to accept that others don't get it, and don't have to. Any tips from people more experienced?",4.743764705882356,5.538590513725492,5.391764705882356,83.12294117647062,69.35294117647058,8.666666666666668,24.411764705882355,8.841846274778883,1.5148823529411768,1011,24,205,17,17,327,151,255,0.125,0.845,0.03,-0.9675,0,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,2,4,15,7,2,1,14,1,13,1,1,7,3,44,37,17,0,1,7,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,14,9,0,0,15,0,0,2,10,4,0,4,6,6,19,3,32,28,7,27,0,0,2,0,11,8,1,5,16,132,33,4,0.10501695766079563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876589667926742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141513239426572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020881803359464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723405537143453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046281018785493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13545449971014029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171216677708508,0.06936271009643921,0.0,0.17696263234692872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900064141271274,0.0,0.1592991875994534,0.07502413553625273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973405192536444,0.10074183503710303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286614883561288,0.0,0.0,0.1036825039621372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542914699932827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051305980901637314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928166196126386,0.0,0.09936958454245276,0.14019926941724342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099555183808628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183963252602204,0.2134866251135444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.436833213443238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068400002188114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557104832743644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369157634986363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368491866431073,0.1912069881865937,0.0,0.0,0.10779839790457416,0.08687111259230677,0.0,0.0,0.10705156323785517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440865259609291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976860029137025,0.0,0.10317862770151426,0.0,0.06123623253601231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851984830301309,0.0,0.0,0.3279790696404559,0.0,0.09070093331139804,0.0,0.0,0.06194172252388859,0.08335757285411964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18952293989202712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22936078776896526,0.0,0.21404250341208636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762747761734744 ptsd,smiolet,2019/05/12,"Should I not address an issue with my mother because today is Mother's Day? I'd like to say that I am posting here for a reason. You'll see why! I'm sorry that it's so long. I would really like advice on how I should handle this, or if I should handle it at all. Basically, being Mother's Day today, I have been forcing myself to be very patient with my mother who can lack understanding (and many times she doesn't try to understand). I am in my twenties and currently live with my parents because i finally left and am in the procession of divorcing my abusive spouse. Today has been a good day- we took my mother out for brunch, hung out with family. This evening I've been cleaning and doing house work so that my mom can relax. I was walking around cleaning out some stuff when my mother ShUshed me, loudly. She was watching the news, so I do understand that she felt I was being too loud and was trying to listen. However, that noise is extremely triggering for me. It immediately made me feel scared and nervous. I didn't address it with her at that moment, opting to wait until the news went to commercial. When the commercials came on, I told her that I really don't like that noise, mostly when it is done so loudly and that it really freaks me out. She rolled her eyes and went 'SHHHH... SHHHHHHHHHH!' even louder and started giggling. I started crying and again, felt extremely scared. I was also so shocked at her response. To be fair, I didn't say that it triggers me. When she saw me tearing up she said 'Why on earth does that upset you so much?' and mumbled something that sounded like 'dramatic'. So I walked away. Do I address it with her or pretend like it didn't happen? Because it's Mother's Day? I don't want to ruin a day meant to be about her by making it about me.",3.792589453860643,5.246016319209044,5.15666666666667,81.44417137476462,72.24858757062147,7.617325800376648,26.387947269303197,8.167268648758528,1.7022342749529185,1403,47,269,21,27,469,172,354,0.086,0.8390000000000001,0.075,-0.4728,3,0,1,0,0,0,44.0,1,2,0,1,21,15,0,4,8,0,38,2,1,6,1,53,62,28,0,7,4,10,3,5,0,5,0,8,5,0,27,24,1,1,8,2,0,6,7,7,0,0,23,15,51,8,38,29,5,44,0,1,4,0,32,16,0,5,26,199,78,1,0.0,0.1193902034084759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984665201392424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058183913174075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970233034613714,0.0,0.0,0.09467215788460083,0.0,0.0,0.18427646640066445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152484661222289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068576521723472,0.3249258681333373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818024548488526,0.10311771427303708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310883783053426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499239796572012,0.0,0.050949878061833945,0.0,0.19350065634929892,0.11038327602853824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451701140352258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910627286707203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626943258746555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517261752192876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094816100419304,0.0,0.0,0.2461437666606943,0.0,0.08897745708106504,0.08917397034720774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09534640367827787,0.06726150762734273,0.10216002747182104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801490398071435,0.0,0.0,0.07407396572372257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188775361011237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650514177421417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19365817013617928,0.10360333743233686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585071489268436,0.16026495372470334,0.20176695019273191,0.0,0.08029676357701186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757392104884768,0.0,0.11279831477873313,0.1426441572035844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535196754440435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058756958419415826,0.0,0.2865406870745981,0.09628540119568177,0.11195376855511817,0.13682581957362452,0.0,0.0,0.3147001662123789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314178633848407,0.0594338852022414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868205725602863,0.181849716051889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335821572661334,0.0,0.0,0.07158065821515,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheycallmeBridgee,2019/05/12,"Phantom pains in my scars, flashbacks intensifying, struggling to function I had been in therapy and it was working, and my coping skills were working. I moved in and my abuser hasn’t attempted to contact me in 2 months. The last time he assaulted me was 2 and a half months ago. 3 weeks ago my coping skills started failing me and I have been struggling with random flashbacks and phantom pains on scarred areas, and I have no bruises but I feel them. I moved to a safe environment and I have friends who care and are supportive, but it feels like when I talk I’m much slower to pick up what they say and some things I don’t even hear. I use marijuana to cope when it gets too intense, but it’s to the point where I can’t even make it through a full work day. My boyfriend is trying to be understanding and supportive, but it’s understandably difficult to deal with a S/O who breaks into tears or goes unresponsive when he can’t help. Is there something I can start adding to my routine to help this? I’ve started cutting down on my caffeine, I’m slowing down my drinking except at social events with friends (I never black out or even drink enough to be hungover anyway, but I know it’s a depressant). I’m weaning myself off cigarettes, down from half a pack a day to 5 a day now. I’ve identified that many of my triggers are auditory, but I don’t understand why I’m having episodes when nothing serious is going on. I’ve scheduled an appointment with the doctor and a psychiatrist this week, but I’m very nervous because if they prescribe behavioral medication I could get sick. It’s happened in the past and I’ve been happiest and functional when I’m not on meds. Can anyone help me?",5.584310097532989,6.183612918674696,6.1076419965576605,79.43230923694782,67.40361445783131,9.215375788869766,33.88181296615032,9.23628265651192,2.9404306942053937,1347,60,261,24,21,437,179,332,0.09,0.775,0.135,0.9685,1,0,4,0,1,0,29.0,0,0,3,7,13,18,2,3,14,0,26,7,0,4,1,47,51,29,0,2,12,0,2,1,2,0,5,2,0,0,15,20,2,1,6,2,0,3,8,11,0,2,7,5,33,7,37,41,4,50,0,2,1,0,18,21,0,5,26,171,48,5,0.0,0.1227575077020727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368293981772868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244451464490352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315794511797812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563437461775853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272186313076173,0.0,0.0,0.20045408394278236,0.10681440219161584,0.08923666969930108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604628829657917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20299108852484504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070538617582365,0.0,0.20529459769773345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477375647307456,0.07401695474470757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009322406130144,0.0,0.1082608989394931,0.0,0.058882319901406674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916194433504586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167727660321944,0.0,0.20833702692762185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569397693728909,0.0844536396327737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061721057344682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915856414421992,0.10504136856446387,0.0,0.0,0.11508416545135412,0.10437328397529112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653964462217258,0.2202359662951809,0.07616316212094995,0.0,0.07990820623351742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941383603307924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204905834368616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890472947190096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794222712488747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239254867470933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561442201087028,0.0,0.07976183086021818,0.0,0.0,0.2200009807337116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662533667723005,0.0,0.0,0.2351442878266284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327548694310229,0.0,0.0,0.11848378319983616,0.0,0.06883197378359122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060414150992306126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034244067197556,0.0,0.0,0.3235760303170491,0.0,0.08948329531859082,0.0,0.08548673329495274,0.0,0.0,0.16621478123369907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348932023544354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22628167491916845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rm_21,2019/05/12,"Feeling stupid for having ptsd for the reasons that I do TW: death This is my first post ever, so I'm sorry if it's hard to read I (F, 21) was diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and ptsd a couple of years ago, going into therapy i was already aware that I had symptoms of anxiety and depression, but the ptsd completely shocked me. Before being diagnosed and discussing my symptoms with my therapist, all I knew about ptsd symptoms and stuff was war and abuse. The cause of my ptsd was the death of a family member. For a long while after, I started to get repeated nightmares which then caused me to develop insomnia, which still affects me now. Even then, I think I'm stupid for developing ptsd for the reasons that I did, people lose loved ones all the time, and here I am developing ptsd because of it. I'm comfortable talking about my anxiety and depression with my loved ones, but I find it really hard to talk about my ptsd because of this. To be honest, I don't know where I'm going with this, but if you've read this then thank you! Any advice/help would be deeply appreciated.",7.3815974025974,6.700776614285719,7.7011688311688316,73.85201298701301,63.80952380952381,11.445887445887447,34.8051948051948,10.832165505486646,3.675428571428572,859,33,162,20,11,282,110,210,0.21100000000000002,0.6709999999999999,0.11900000000000001,-0.9557,0,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,1,0,2,10,13,3,0,9,0,15,8,0,5,3,31,30,17,3,3,5,0,3,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,13,12,0,0,7,2,0,2,1,8,0,3,7,3,22,5,25,19,2,20,0,4,0,2,6,2,0,2,15,112,35,2,0.0,0.0925268198129528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922427228025857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617699430811289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310556475853853,0.0,0.1792216018842319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520890277228816,0.0,0.06645094926427476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044497841680191,0.0,0.0,0.08187848020728365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640784451484397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20178281750426424,0.15852444808553892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05157934697254664,0.07063911964181023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361864071964974,0.0,0.03948590464152394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137511256467605,0.06642542416142637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04080009800000868,0.0,0.08876351280947538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991104750166794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05234374367196142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291758507954467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910938796286466,0.0,0.08736551058295508,0.0,0.0,0.14096302547118356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583497189791204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413949333389242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479100972309974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7302874471389916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15622722720181334,0.0,0.05002804278725915,0.16058415281905505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741813858067038,0.05527425975559384,0.0,0.06236475593649636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939720690092197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435039654681331,0.0,0.12553555573840036,0.0,0.07189706414211441,0.08930555746940358,0.09067138903131497,0.0,0.05003850837497541,0.0,0.0,0.045536353479773764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547465768280569,0.0,0.0,0.050288997186722716 ptsd,Throw4way129384023,2019/05/12,"Fucked up surname as a kid - possible pstd? Hello, i come clear and directly to the point. &#x200B; My surname was ""Gay"" for a long time and it pretty much fucked my life up completely.I got teased the whole time. My parents never understood how it fucked my life, education and mind. The funny thing is, that im the only one, beside from my parents, blessed with this name. My grudge followed me 16 years until i decided on my own to change my name. &#x200B; As a result: i'm 25, struggling to get and keep a job, can't socialize very well and have no plans for the future other than get done with life as fast as possible. I still live with my parents, who still got the name, and try to hide it as good as i can, when i meet new people. Truth therefore has been a problem for years. I also lived pretty isolated for a big amount of time, especially in puberty, to hide from bullying. Everytime i hear the word ""Gay"" i get angry. Instant adrenaline kicks and foggy brain. I get sad and im thinking about ending it all, but i've never been near doing so. My head is pretty fucked up and im thinking about the 16 years, that where full off shit, and why my parents have done this to me. I think about all the missed opportunities (lived a pretty lonely live because of the name) and how my life would have been if i had a normal name. To other people, that i meet new im acting under my new name and try to be friendly and happy, but deep down inside im pretty broken. I tried this of living life for a few years now, but yet, where i see how others have evolved and i have crippeld more i don't now how to go on anymore. I got an exellent lieer of the years, to protect myself. I lie on a daily basis and often without recognizing it. My level of education, schoolwise, is in the lower section, but i thing i could have done better, without this big problem sitting in my neck. The mobbing started when i six and ended pretty much with changing my name. So \~10 years of eating shit on a daily basis. A lot of people still know about me, because i was a ""legend"" back then (not in the positive sence of meaning) I dont know whats wrong with me, but i know something is pretty wrong. I'm interested in my state of mind and how fucked my head really is. Maybe i got ptsd from this. but im not sure. I don't want to annoy anyone, but maybe someone has experienced similiar things and can tell me what helped them to get over it. &#x200B; Sorry for bad grammer etc. I'm pretty down and shaky at the moment. English is not my native language, so please excuse the bad sentence structure.. I dont know where to start, so i try posting here. Also i had to get this burden from my heart.",3.210571428571427,4.6333869777777785,4.523915343915345,85.52833333333336,73.66666666666667,6.846560846560847,24.708994708994712,7.35660576581511,1.086677248677249,2088,64,421,23,42,691,239,540,0.141,0.7140000000000001,0.145,0.7751,7,2,1,0,0,0,89.0,0,0,1,3,30,31,9,2,30,0,35,20,7,7,7,82,72,48,0,7,13,4,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,1,24,25,1,2,10,0,0,4,13,21,1,2,15,3,56,10,71,54,13,69,1,3,1,7,25,29,7,4,33,290,80,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798882857278257,0.0,0.16235894081825505,0.18208025864158414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953591885265232,0.03492545461579168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840764553439517,0.0834105436816428,0.060896810660040414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044175771285555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0557595272010425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567869410033104,0.04302658212606438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03988015780999367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533452979642869,0.11707955257694527,0.0,0.0,0.05111022718719193,0.0,0.0,0.08847985622393739,0.0,0.055706262569330346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038590420949435565,0.2308849137778465,0.15657753238224256,0.0,0.028387129121773755,0.04189479433962789,0.15979489532695687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053171566896725884,0.0,0.0,0.10252402897167824,0.0,0.056296076527096686,0.05918972489926817,0.03347971623255496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237205069540205,0.0,0.04956660775040743,0.04439690576479688,0.0,0.0,0.10980250697042652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640203913897498,0.0,0.0,0.22052911025666727,0.0442032330072267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04246479578459497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036083154731758,0.054409029964964606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086836493377677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734364244163669,0.0,0.07704739120463884,0.14472296929348036,0.0,0.0,0.04893934818478817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0338466890028784,0.037988413561154295,0.0,0.0,0.22184951165574446,0.0,0.0,0.1038849008480806,0.0,0.0,0.05482892793890762,0.04721788564926858,0.11261983170069645,0.047837269683424034,0.40652816636736216,0.0,0.0955887643218013,0.058387628547447765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03199856484634187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03980283188357541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254372179833136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050916645943368415,0.042321567982132983,0.0384531281275825,0.0,0.05591373998009912,0.07070822229221232,0.0,0.1196678448193352,0.0,0.0,0.052217468788600965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047076277276372425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04365756814489066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955155286543003,0.0960157763032844,0.0,0.0,0.08737687176078603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564818434053424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04121309996456994,0.029461174218107494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044910088481849464,0.0,0.0450711420588405,0.055766198784234285,0.0,0.0962979760072529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035482288178660275,0.10922263202605016,0.18208025864158414,0.19299284735720265 ptsd,ThisTimeBetter,2019/05/12,"Can body positions be a trigger? eg Sleeping on the right side instead of left Lately as I have been writing down when I feel triggered or anxious, I have been noticing that some of my anxiety/panic is triggered in very specific situations. Like lying in bed on my right side of my body causes an anxiety reaction whilst my left side is fine. Another one I have noticed is the position of my feet if I sit down sometimes make me uncomfortable. So odd.",5.4529457364341125,6.7482969302325575,6.465116279069767,74.2401550387597,68.06976744186046,9.919379844961243,36.42635658914729,10.125756701596842,4.016533333333333,360,19,63,9,6,120,59,86,0.138,0.81,0.051,-0.7737,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,10,4,4,5,0,10,12,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,11,2,11,9,1,17,0,0,0,0,1,13,0,3,4,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686437907694584,0.14362249735443902,0.21209558434392825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170791842729041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928632618440028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492824819038484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21178171561242856,0.0,0.40796554754185055,0.0,0.0,0.09172150144785453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531957548473133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42749215741248825,0.0,0.0,0.1272191756875961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3206621355454336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21103043423377288,0.18787808372459536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18568213141912632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490722311352814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mewiodas,2019/05/12,"Listening to Muse Muse is one of the bands that my abuser would send me songs from. Undisclosed Desires (ironically) was how he explained his feelings for me, before everything went sour. And I’m listening to it again. And I’m wondering, why me? What did I do? Why didn’t I recognize what he was doing? It’s been four years, why do I still get flashbacks and nightmares? Why do I still fall into my binge/purge cycle that he encouraged? Why is it always his voice telling me to starve, that I’m too fat, too hairy, too disgusting, too unlovable? How do I get him out of my head?",2.3852392344497635,4.6057988157894725,3.35708133971292,89.45275119617224,78.3859649122807,6.952472089314195,24.39872408293461,8.00094639256281,1.368414035087719,451,16,93,8,11,144,69,114,0.127,0.852,0.022000000000000002,-0.9195,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,9,3,1,0,1,0,13,2,2,2,0,12,24,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,8,5,1,0,3,2,0,3,1,2,0,2,6,6,15,1,9,17,0,9,0,0,0,0,13,2,0,1,4,60,23,0,0.0,0.20590033886902856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459849889687398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787358950996193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618184564505164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786815717513494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18158527486568474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834794396661746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775751410254146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27756113107026426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15189097805305046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109537507973634,0.784045028179891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845649874917586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12344799960296544,0.0,0.0,0.1119083265053524 ptsd,KingofJKU,2019/05/12,"Wrongly diagnosed So, I've been committed 3 times in the past 2 years for suicidal and only been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. But I have flashbacks everyday and I still live in this situation everyday and I somehow rationalized everyone has these types of flashbacks as just repetitive obsessive reoccurring memories that float to the top of my mind everyday shit is terrible and nothing helps I cant seem to make it out and away and now I know what I really have and am unable to get support or help or the one thing that helps weed because I'm on felony probation for ""hashish oil"" back to r/suicidewatch sorry I was born into this shitty hellish life and I'm unable to change my past or who I am now because of it I am probably going to give up",6.424398782343989,7.022369232876713,7.38598173515982,71.00232115677325,65.57534246575342,12.242313546423135,36.77016742770167,11.855464076750405,4.821944596651445,612,30,110,21,9,206,96,146,0.237,0.703,0.06,-0.9809,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,1,3,0,11,4,1,1,1,23,20,15,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,12,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,1,3,1,11,1,20,17,0,22,1,1,0,0,5,8,1,5,13,76,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726206325929648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629715744730827,0.1279176749726973,0.0,0.2028184317080557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759828369505146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14328238011428046,0.33769615037988104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896051011008572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691426588213234,0.1595840576783588,0.09454408115579972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3345152299465116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142503531785116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750232743057824,0.0,0.0,0.1468956019320059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104407761137662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679723729624535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962329265658354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272728912515327,0.12652141184474364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31761169687407065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936015622687534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657206294880983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514444670381304,0.0,0.0,0.17076228304261518,0.0,0.1869913764611555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622218357220274,0.0,0.0,0.13285230293166905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196671869515268,0.18877908231900675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051968955038168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970036575314838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818844262486607,0.0,0.10712796014440197 ptsd,yubnubnub,2019/05/12,"Is it my fault? Is it my fault that I was abused? Was I that bad of a person to deserve to be threatened and hit? I guess I’ll never really know, it’ll just always be something that keeps me up at night.",0.5229999999999997,1.9526990222222231,2.695277777777779,95.77625000000003,81.0,5.388888888888888,17.916666666666668,5.985473137389443,-0.4606666666666666,156,3,38,1,4,53,31,45,0.316,0.684,0.0,-0.9407,0,0,1,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,6,11,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,0,5,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,27,12,0,0.0,0.4102763483494212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881265005685766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891231150876751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814582524780101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077829523318896,0.0,0.0,0.19030233744125985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670667372638948,0.0,0.0,0.3249533306377512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023518339409307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22183106207819706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665775260150704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dfeigs2,2019/05/12,Mother’s Day I am 19 my mom dies almost 9 years ago and I have flash backs surrounding her death mother day and the week leadings up is always hard but for some reason this one seems harder. I can’t escape my mind and seem in enveloped my images surrounding her death. Tomorrow is going to be even more hell.,1.6866359447004626,4.1884280322580665,2.899769585253459,90.04822580645161,83.19354838709677,5.478341013824887,16.921658986175114,6.868970318607317,0.05655944700460803,246,5,48,3,7,79,50,62,0.24600000000000002,0.725,0.03,-0.9422,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,2,0,11,9,4,3,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,8,0,4,8,2,13,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,4,7,29,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22403653643498275,0.0,0.2530800893488996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21029783886313108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19433952999962856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32598954644600925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623016135203146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693072915990784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14363654045452687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22640314920438015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25519281851716724,0.2960030948255796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17126146477717352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25985623408414604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601654392407677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027307703635858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275465785885854 ptsd,Garavila,2019/05/12,"Anyone else experience these symptoms? I've had these symptoms for several months but didn't know if it was caused by stress, my PTSD or even possibly neurodegenerative disease which I hope isn't the case. Anyway, I've read that PTSD can possibly cause symptoms of aphasia - in the sense that it's hard for you to find what words you want to use. For example: I don't have aphasia in the sense that I can't understand what others are saying but often while thinking or sometimes reading my mind will mix up words in my head. I was just thinking about what I want for dinner, and instead of saying dinner I said lunch. This happens maybe a few times a day or a week. I often mix up words I want to say in my mind, but thankfully while speaking this never occurs. I plan on seeing my GP pretty soon about it because I want to rule out anything serious.",6.9134065202927495,6.4057454371257485,6.979600798403194,78.07176979374587,64.68862275449102,9.577910844976712,32.9268130405855,8.841846274778883,2.588746373918829,676,24,130,9,9,217,100,167,0.042,0.8490000000000001,0.109,0.872,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,1,9,4,0,1,6,0,11,7,1,3,1,31,25,10,0,6,8,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,15,2,3,0,5,2,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,7,17,2,21,19,1,16,0,0,1,0,7,8,0,7,8,89,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518663504036654,0.12482962250622147,0.10025602288025487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426666942330327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503067218663062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857051692082387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177365032999316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046781759142248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119173489962111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113507610222082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773420350116343,0.0,0.10913609138345014,0.0,0.12503311889502727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12100505762621383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695479121678857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239499275556175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460279095936793,0.0,0.09724384772488064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396310037427896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27469089828416715,0.0,0.12394529621350818,0.0,0.0,0.2848263914477423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437266999130553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11588859113639835,0.2906532264755204,0.0,0.0,0.09708304016481148,0.0,0.0,0.1376336528062775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12049336192982005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395562897279535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3798852414030542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216504632805398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561279776034197,0.0,0.0,0.07104027485146848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682972312230678,0.0,0.10522233267595504,0.0,0.0,0.2874348607440957,0.0,0.09772498288292136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tea_addict_,2019/06/28,"I need help. I feel extremely bad for writing this here because it really feels shitty and invasive since i don’t have PTSD, and i’m really sorry if i offend anyone, i just feel so lost and confused, and if there’s anyone that would understand my situation, it’s you guys, I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for over 6 years now, i really really love this person, and i know for a fact he loves me just as much, i know the things i’m about to write show this person as a monster, but trust me he is a very kind human being who has helped me with so much regarding my life and struggles with mental Illness, this person has been diagnosed with PTSD as a result of severe childhood trauma he undeservingly suffered, is he still keeping up with a therapist? The honest answer is..i don’t know, he tends to be extremely private about his life, so private to the point where i didn’t even know he has PTSD and he wen’t through what he did when we first got together , i slowly discovered things along the way, and i’m still finding out more and more every year, whenever i’d ask about him going to therapy he ALWAYS finds his way out of answering, sometimes in a very rude manner, so i just stopped asking in respect for his privacy, as i heard people with PTSD have an extremely hard time “opening up” , sometimes his privacy worries me, but i just don’t want to invade his personal space, that’s not my biggest issue with him, and as i’m writing this i feel extremely terrible because i know this would show him as an evil heartless person , the person he’s not, but i’m choosing to do it because i love him so much and i just want to understand him more, by asking you guys i might have that clarity i’m seeking, maybe you can relate to him and explain to me what triggers this and how you deal with it, because not in a million years would he personally explain it to me, Sometimes, he just..switches off..?, even if he doesn’t necessarily do anything, i can just feel it, i can hear it in his voice, and if we’re physically together i can clearly see it in his eyes, he just feels, for a lack of a better word, dead..?, emotionless, cold, it’s very hard to get a positive reaction from him, if i ask the “wrong” question or piss him off he tends to be EXTREMELY mean, we fight, he apologizes , i forgive him and it’s a cycle till the next episode happens, it could be next month, a day after, but it eventually happens again, last day, i called him randomly , i knew he was at work but assumed if he was busy he wouldn’t pick it up, he does , so I randomly ask him, “Hey you like to paint right..?” “Yeah.” That’s literally he’s answer. “How about you pick up some brushes and start painting today?!” It took him awhile to answer, “I just don’t see how that’s any of your business” As in, he doesn’t get why i’m asking him to paint, i think my tone was happy and cheery enough for him to understand i was just trying to help him re-gain he’s hobbies!, but he was..he was in that mood again, so we fought, few minutes later he calls me telling me he’s extremely sorry and he was under-pressure, if you’d hear his tone at the first call (where i asked him) and the last (where he apologized) you wouldn’t believe that’s from the same person, it’s like he’s switching his emotions between on and off, but why? What triggers him to do so? Do you guys get into similar “moods”? What can i do to help?",3.7328324147177128,4.769516398540149,4.9522597944287226,84.45651720542233,71.87591240875912,8.161179800387307,27.702219573960967,8.542538833126315,1.8691322806494857,2643,94,548,44,49,876,267,685,0.11199999999999999,0.77,0.11800000000000001,0.8346,0,0,0,0,1,0,95.0,3,10,0,5,37,29,7,2,25,1,46,9,2,8,2,123,104,55,1,17,27,0,8,2,0,6,4,4,0,12,36,35,0,2,29,2,0,2,12,15,0,3,16,17,82,12,77,76,11,60,0,2,3,3,116,30,1,15,28,350,118,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04717001849573752,0.0,0.0,0.03855065129527875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927691903603724,0.0,0.046650443493787656,0.0,0.3709777406927086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04733317712643004,0.13822902468579593,0.0,0.0,0.06386940075023109,0.0,0.05013705737098617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736582655667549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04526177363512023,0.0,0.0,0.07311978581616889,0.05844415381850561,0.0,0.05753842132843095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04960916700871984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376780476496989,0.0,0.058575175585774276,0.0,0.07488546363145986,0.0,0.04776315959367205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198280607712824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362594158080912,0.09643973755411027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885342004909053,0.0,0.032217821669167986,0.0,0.04533959227791733,0.0,0.0,0.16839388624831794,0.10026027820357658,0.06034678789814552,0.10156491187162768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778586706978032,0.0,0.15199050562495292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059168875281526624,0.0,0.05038803277559848,0.0,0.05903315684819992,0.1557747162994785,0.09241865149188458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008262356756382,0.05539103304274109,0.0,0.0,0.050168224906377006,0.0,0.0,0.0618830408227417,0.0,0.1534928532963212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695199679210902,0.061751240045584285,0.0,0.0,0.057129456239939924,0.060138362769193675,0.0,0.0,0.04524883885356558,0.0,0.12501942072330316,0.0420343794729842,0.0,0.0,0.12057937523132745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03930120578338036,0.3959911100456209,0.0,0.0,0.05358968893675314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650669176383065,0.0,0.06350496250554984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526640597805315,0.0,0.0,0.06086306651345357,0.0,0.04841233152853197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034802596993148,0.0,0.0,0.06404274534959008,0.0,0.0468939545009906,0.06372112084488962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820142901930218,0.12691800539655992,0.040124960974074746,0.0,0.09054425727904453,0.04739477269226988,0.0,0.059263939309596926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049548925464349636,0.0,0.06482912704887313,0.06582061817622935,0.07532367135703193,0.0363241987251328,0.0,0.0,0.03305597242471773,0.0,0.05373480466708245,0.0,0.06298387094486382,0.0384882968799196,0.0,0.0,0.17704660513763038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140323767795911,0.06687360691188968,0.08999461644008623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230650736454093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041270467727004136,0.0575707110289701,0.0,0.12081130445247446,0.06198082352317427,0.0,0.10951810436529973 ptsd,John9798,2019/06/28,"Cannabis: The PTSD Solution Documentary It really is the only thing that's ever helped me. I don't even use it to get high, I take the oil under my tongue. The pills only made things worse and alcohol became the only legal option which led to disaster. Many of us have zero interest in getting any high or feeling good. Cannabis stops the nightmares and makes going in public doable again. It stops some of the feelings of electric shock in the mind when a bad memory comes. It's the best possible medication for PTSD, I've been on over a dozen medications and have been through years of therapy. Nothing else works but this plant. The disabled and Veteran communities are being tortured knowing what works but having to suffer or break the law to get it. It's helping children with autism and epilepsy and their parents in illegal states have to watch them suffer or risk losing them and going to prison. We are not stoners, we are not kids trying to lie about this to get a high. [We all have an endocannabinoid system that can get deficient like a vitamin or mineral.](https://echoconnection.org/clinical-endocannabinoid-deficiency/) It's something we need from birth, [even infants need cannabinoids.](https://www.kalapa-clinic.com/en/cannabinoids-in-breast-milk/) [Cannabis: The PTSD Solution - A Green Flower Documentary](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UVG8Ug7xZik)",7.2833116883116915,10.273164722943733,6.027054112554115,72.42343831168833,66.27272727272727,8.94900432900433,31.463419913419923,9.516144504307137,3.3407487445887454,1125,46,169,25,20,335,149,231,0.166,0.742,0.091,-0.9704,2,0,2,0,0,0,60.0,5,0,3,4,6,11,1,1,18,0,14,5,0,4,2,38,31,14,0,2,8,1,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,3,15,13,1,2,3,0,0,4,3,7,0,2,3,5,12,4,24,27,3,24,0,3,2,0,15,10,0,6,8,108,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233002367020707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845860606962829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963328756689858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107840382847833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993849027583735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638057757632933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240751826472354,0.10436282687665092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667361232888965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30139203218531074,0.0,0.13113995711259788,0.09677064400157658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546661704339641,0.3656984332841581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06340679957978135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05636614551596985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907453691654616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917012722005312,0.07701336454667428,0.1169716189142821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324553109853555,0.0,0.0,0.11649534014772205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109743724905804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070492989751753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26324248414561696,0.0,0.0,0.1281097117957134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006739635330986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045997961314882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739118493387075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882091513841163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19291647095351572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674725408862477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194077843214924,0.0,0.15329936227155974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783317018450046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878129961007274,0.09964651129594496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798799817417776,0.0,0.11757645679807198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429738555365488 ptsd,shedreamsofsheep,2019/06/28,"Can someone explain anniversaries to me? I have PTSD from multiple ongoing traumas as a child, but have no memory of exactly when/what time of year they happened. Thus, I have no trauma anniversaries. I think it’s more than that though, as even when really bad things happen, I never get upset when that time of year rolls around again. I’m just trying to understand the anniversary concept because I know others in my life do have trauma anniversaries and just bad time of year anniversaries. Anything you could say to help clue me in would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.",6.133907766990291,8.274855436893205,5.92833737864078,75.49114684466021,67.44660194174757,9.810194174757283,30.350728155339805,10.125756701596842,3.3858553398058246,462,18,76,12,8,144,73,103,0.20600000000000002,0.67,0.125,-0.8749,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,8,8,0,1,2,0,9,1,0,1,2,14,18,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,10,2,14,15,1,13,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,10,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896344893636105,0.17196333412794887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225797879557129,0.1177553784139783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15423149499047542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275877642582383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092398587575817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212971944141296,0.0,0.0,0.3416413311629501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947859211103407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616184672862047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644254040015194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898554799135766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22580681056294094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375042539486288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361750179742256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636733417988058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778460994379399,0.0,0.0,0.12833437035874373,0.12377631329412375,0.1897897358590252,0.0,0.3379190629952831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115057344595996,0.0,0.0,0.2010980451443415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722328726859462,0.0,0.0,0.37318778316006257 ptsd,themomrollcall,2019/06/28,"Validation is a weird feeling. After decades of ""its just anxiety and depression"", ""you have a good life"", ""every teenager feels like this"", ""you're just hormonal"", and my personal favorite... ""it's not like you ever saw combat..."" I finally was told, yes, my trauma is real. Yes, my reaction is perfectly normal considering the circumstances. He didn't give me some BS guarantee that I'll be normal or offer me essential oils. This dude actually cares about helping me rewire my brain and relearn how to deal with triggers and the like. He did guarantee that I'll feel worse before I'll feel better and this process is going to be work. I've been lurking here for a bit now, and am just so grateful to see that I'm not alone. To know that there is a community of people that understand... Y'all are a lifeline I didn't know I needed.",5.876392405063293,6.553058031645572,6.8530126582278506,74.071417721519,66.78481012658227,10.370632911392406,32.88860759493671,10.355215969177356,3.5004941772151907,651,27,118,16,10,218,103,158,0.063,0.708,0.22899999999999998,0.9786,0,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,3,0,3,10,10,0,0,7,2,15,2,1,2,2,29,30,9,0,3,6,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,7,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,7,7,13,7,10,21,2,5,0,1,2,0,11,0,0,2,7,74,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.1670934815957776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17734020062224626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098867972337286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570211434860522,0.0,0.0,0.15143693729973728,0.1869362407245818,0.0,0.0,0.1911466801569661,0.0,0.0,0.17457799576057415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765281833726244,0.14747811970132446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15488520783357945,0.14426667586618253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463113684264828,0.12232506377199542,0.0,0.18757151551201015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642571594772552,0.09731261657313224,0.14361762475147036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11477028109252907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882044713599791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209431494379811,0.2509595348544166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696312911988644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355334739779933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870768944381666,0.1495093750205182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489454646608764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644626411482622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361535255835907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825401707011074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465576484195295,0.0,0.1744955986007271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,spaghettificati0n,2019/06/28,nightmares what do you notice makes your nightmares worse? better?,6.975000000000001,10.620920500000004,2.8800000000000026,83.32000000000005,94.0,2.0,25.0,3.1291,0.5930000000000002,55,2,6,0,2,14,9,10,0.24100000000000002,0.557,0.20199999999999999,-0.1431,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4685767840000084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35365447292737895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6031959214094277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5399249870766298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ck-dexter-haven,2019/06/28,PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder SSI Does anyone have experience getting SSI with this combo? I have no resources currently and need some assistance.,7.297500000000002,11.370003750000004,7.196666666666669,57.715,74.0,11.533333333333333,37.16666666666667,10.504223727775694,6.369266666666667,126,7,14,5,3,40,21,24,0.273,0.727,0.0,-0.7579,1,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751880103702501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389747547759356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4510566554145174,0.0,0.3444091453415158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3849795871853843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20562013235980525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918215640812273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4600534340058197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ambiguousun,2019/06/28,"Feeling hopeless and terrible I keep thinking I’m past it and back to normal. Then the stress builds without me knowing it from reintroducing any normal thing back into my life that shouldn’t be triggering. And I think I’m dealing with it. Except I can’t focus on anything again. My pupils have gone back to pins. And then the nightmare that brings me right back. At a low, but really hoping that I’ll be able to live a normal life again (and doubting it)",2.7248938826466897,5.189088056179777,3.3812734082397,88.43373283395756,78.5505617977528,5.7533083645443215,23.372034956304606,6.937597516519254,0.8616806491885147,363,12,69,4,9,114,58,89,0.12,0.818,0.061,-0.4957,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,4,0,5,2,0,1,0,22,15,8,0,5,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,3,5,0,0,1,1,7,1,10,11,0,16,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,2,9,48,15,0,0.17463892017801588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876045434479897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14371295110614898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5371461991987364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800450583342825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830268535443482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345585263244784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155227096427903,0.0,0.0,0.09597698332751067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467052680163705,0.0,0.0,0.154209366050526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5133271872623885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671261011562893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187816415116204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914068362117722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000482930205974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602233856908888,0.22380313687908324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834568704720773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Succ_the_Sheep,2019/06/28,"How to live like it won’t happen again, even though it might? (TW: health/abuse) So I’m suffering from what I believe is PTSD after my first serious illness. I developed post-viral chronic fatigue syndrome right after graduating college. Long story short, three months ago I got back to functional using an unconventional method, and got a really good internship in my chosen field. But since then I’ve been drowning in fear and anxiety about relapse constantly, specifically worrying that A) My chosen recovery method was a placebo and the returns from it will diminish any day now, or B) My anxiety over relapse will make it so I don’t perform my recovery “duties” well enough, and it’ll be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not only does my constant anxiety create triggering physical symptoms like fatigue and dizziness, but it leads me to do things that cause more symptoms, like “scanning” my body for sensations and not participating in my hobbies/seeing my friends for fear of becoming drained and having to stop my internship. I’ve dealt with post traumatic stress before, after an abusive relationship, and I’ve been trying to gain confidence by reminding myself that I thought I would be affected by it forever, but wasn’t. But this is different from a breakup obviously, because you don’t always get to choose to “leave” an illness, and you often don’t have power over whether or not it comes back. Reading CFS support forums doesn’t help, because the general consensus there is that psychotherapeutic means of recovery (like what got me back to functioning quite rapidly) are total bullshit. So I stay away from those forums at all costs, afraid that it’s too late and I’ve already shattered the “illusion” that my condition has improved by reading them in the first place. So I carry on like this, afraid of my body for how it might betray me, and afraid of my mind for how anxiety might affect my body. TL;DR What I’m getting at is, I know that I’ll never know if a relapse will occur, and so my best bet is to live like it won’t (with the exception of taking care of myself). Does anyone have any tips about how to cope with post traumatic stress in cases where you can’t logically reassure yourself that the traumatic event (illness) won’t happen again? Thanks",8.741772068511196,8.546558113526578,8.423003952569172,68.1910671936759,60.8599033816425,11.875098814229247,39.349582784365396,11.299434782280676,4.67591690821256,1825,85,299,45,22,585,217,414,0.166,0.7070000000000001,0.128,-0.9323,2,0,2,0,1,0,48.0,0,3,1,8,24,25,0,7,15,0,33,11,3,11,4,59,53,31,1,2,12,0,0,6,1,11,8,0,0,0,26,16,0,2,6,2,2,2,13,11,1,3,8,1,33,14,47,32,5,43,0,3,1,0,8,15,0,8,29,208,59,6,0.0,0.19490897620613826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291092499469731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076649217530504,0.0,0.06843977415418784,0.0,0.0,0.11186757827471036,0.0,0.2516884582430345,0.0,0.0,0.05751210840585647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727792080804605,0.18973880493934184,0.0,0.10027940981096292,0.09084023612228184,0.06998990409055805,0.09266918907619533,0.08631779543495183,0.0,0.0,0.2740883708730084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386080898160557,0.08449487009240379,0.0,0.07085231911194148,0.0,0.17776913892084442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053045364270033035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859352322113185,0.0,0.0,0.14395755161134735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498770863307052,0.0,0.054326290107686616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185111439493182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992603921257493,0.0,0.0,0.06354724648503372,0.0,0.08594594892991833,0.0,0.0,0.0689885924237131,0.1973519337939643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546932597681475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742941792444375,0.0,0.0,0.0551313960131931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040646361783708,0.0,0.09278318938260244,0.08709238230857104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24110334779420886,0.0,0.14525902938418805,0.0727899223236304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490346450316884,0.0,0.0,0.0895959140410922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26176728972227303,0.08305049143397332,0.0,0.06565230225968874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343736916377972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06255591467398541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859352322113185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23632238464514926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614751359781487,0.0,0.0,0.08748451441462388,0.16454736567724598,0.0,0.05269236866118104,0.0,0.0,0.08830724810694071,0.0,0.07024226705337844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580617405487193,0.0,0.0,0.0680392282554346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766907454750156,0.0,0.0687658738026811,0.18843745758357264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933379417254082,0.0,0.17098144699188642,0.06184283485908097,0.0,0.0,0.07572606079240195,0.0,0.0,0.05464419159179863,0.0,0.0808116068941373,0.06529844342815877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055843318066094466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07103882200193762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395390856607137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353031409293958,0.0,0.058429052009998934,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alargepossum,2019/06/28,"My (21M) boyfriend (24M) got in a fight at work and it’s triggering my PTSD When I was younger (13-15) I was in a relationship with a guy who would hit things in front of me when he was angry. He never physically hit me but I have distinct memories of him punching his dresser or his steering wheel when he was mad at me. When my now partner and I started dating it was really hard for me to not feel scared around him even though I know he would never hurt me. I still flinch sometimes if he moves too quickly and we have been together for 5 years. Today he texts me and says that he got in a physical fight with a guy at work. He works in construction where a lot of guys act tough and will cuss each other out or basically bully each other. My boyfriend texts me this morning saying he got into a fight with a guy from work over “work stuff” and the other guy ended up spraining his hand. Hearing this I feel scared and unsafe. I know he would never hurt me but thinking that his anger is so uncontrollable that he decided to follow through and get in a fight scares me, especially with how nonchalant he is being about it. He struggles with anger issues and got into a lot of fights in high school but hasn’t fought anyone since then. I don’t know how to explain to him that his makes me afraid without making him feel like an asshole. Also, how can I rationalize and remind myself that i’m safe? Is this a good reason to feel scared or am I overreacting?",5.575555333998004,5.375755959322035,6.05764705882353,82.5397308075773,67.37288135593221,8.975074775672981,28.878364905284144,8.4952907291091,1.8448185443668992,1148,34,240,15,17,372,155,295,0.165,0.737,0.098,-0.9667,0,0,0,0,6,0,22.0,1,0,0,5,18,22,9,7,13,0,20,1,1,7,4,58,43,28,0,4,9,0,6,1,1,4,0,3,1,6,17,22,0,1,11,0,0,4,7,19,0,0,11,9,36,3,36,25,4,38,0,2,0,0,41,18,0,6,17,164,53,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390885468440406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462274979287005,0.0,0.0,0.08227407775548792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185736840606922,0.0,0.0,0.06104304554493443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692286869769006,0.06602541504132943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048286036691738886,0.0,0.0,0.07751815522565537,0.2956693234917171,0.0,0.0,0.4575554528772477,0.0,0.0,0.08279085473328672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041649223396478,0.0,0.0,0.0976476155194286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787668701859426,0.0,0.0,0.09646326999931704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523761110479155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045152118833761655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571456637104106,0.0,0.0,0.12338316044030499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822864998851696,0.0,0.0,0.21384178125026346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803493188932466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920711047412103,0.09502394203968637,0.0,0.09922531719825828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699340823528262,0.37011724633214815,0.09353475120573347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645141424172144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914065026280558,0.0,0.06541589519384837,0.0,0.07380734461521056,0.0,0.0,0.0966182532901661,0.10579966774971897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061400251507921874,0.0592194962716372,0.09080293519803947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760408147524275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890903221953013,0.0,0.3364170987200641,0.0,0.0,0.19695918546566046,0.0,0.0,0.059515944382004436 ptsd,curlycurlyhelp,2019/06/28,"Can exam related stress cause PTSD? There was a particular sound I heard daily during my final years in school. My final years were extremely stressful and sad. I was lonely, frustrated, and tensed most of the time. Now, 3 years later, every time I hear that sound, I feel like I'm back in the moment again. So, is it possible to develop Ptsd due to academic pressure/failure?",3.4865714285714304,6.103837942857144,4.661428571428573,79.45357142857145,76.71428571428572,8.0,24.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,2.202428571428572,296,10,51,7,7,97,54,70,0.239,0.728,0.033,-0.9384,0,2,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,2,3,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,9,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,5,6,1,5,5,1,15,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,14,29,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654191191431992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19577502579271636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605693009624127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636143275935097,0.13614821206715036,0.0,0.4175354695794142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21479407479346105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310627197742154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148468778450582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4455485151686147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19287404910419687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366105075774821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22225390573084794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3681759249234118 ptsd,Bansheedoesathing,2019/06/28,"Is getting nightmares normal? When I was seven years old my step brother at the time raped me. I was a defenseless little 7 year old and I couldn’t even do anything cause he was 16 and threatened to do the same to my at the time 12 year old sister if I told, so I didn’t for a while. Long story short I did eventually let my mom know and after a bit we got my old step dad and step brother out of our lives but ever since all that started I have had nightmares about it. I have been clinically diagnosed with ptsd from that event and I constantly get nightmares still to this day. I’m 16 now btw and have gotten help for it but the one thing that has never gone away was the nightmares. Either of it happening again or just with the constant threat and scare I had of him back then, it still terrifies me to this day. Is this normal to still be effected by something that happened 9 years ago. I guess I never really thought about if it was common to have this happen. Along with that is it normal to be physically repulsed when I saw him the other day. I was at the mall and ended up having to go to the bathroom to throw up because I saw him in a store I was close to. Alright, that is all.",2.5552834008097167,4.037395327935226,3.7973502024291466,89.8341629554656,75.47773279352226,6.559433198380567,23.281174089068827,7.1686216300943375,0.7168430769230771,934,27,202,10,20,305,133,247,0.10099999999999999,0.8740000000000001,0.025,-0.9615,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,0,1,14,4,2,1,13,1,28,3,0,2,5,37,45,18,0,6,7,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,18,15,0,0,3,1,1,6,4,3,0,2,19,2,27,1,33,22,5,52,0,0,2,1,13,11,0,4,35,154,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976209810591208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09062517492968626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346798431153023,0.08468090017378882,0.0,0.06713242471198785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023021091929365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313081151395787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380164254499595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306850109454806,0.0,0.0,0.1117766329222881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753987478327236,0.0,0.0,0.07273787485209496,0.0996162174543031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507367178795112,0.0,0.06258773777811143,0.0,0.08807865850137278,0.0,0.12131735633813985,0.0,0.2921549476343601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381583715140402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0605229440793738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126123652544674,0.0,0.0,0.11037623090112036,0.09724419870692493,0.0974589696807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12897946456958784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987353305497593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237033669112882,0.0,0.0,0.4622392351262902,0.0,0.07462493607162887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873262277904815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055020524574979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025638426122007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109822997423282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478117986757773,0.0,0.0,0.07794848955308648,0.0,0.2638428021338527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073163515519271,0.0,0.0,0.08742857273521032,0.12843193157895105,0.0,0.0,0.1052311112680856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836728263157063 ptsd,iamapersoniswear-,2019/06/28,"I had a rare moment of clarity I just started to date again after my marriage ended and I can see some old patterns popping up with this new guy I’m talking to. Let me go back and say that my mom left us when I was 16 years old and didn’t know I had PTSD from that until about two weeks ago, so a lot of my behaviors are suddenly making sense. I have always thrown myself at people because I’m terrified that if I don’t remind them constantly that I’m there that they will forget me. So I text people nonstop, I am constantly asking people if they want to hang out, I am forever telling my few friends that I’m so grateful for them and I feel like I come off looking super clingy and desperate and, well, crazy. I am desperate to make a connection with someone because I cannot handle being alone. So I meet this new guy and of course I’m like “hey I’m here, I like you, I want to hang out with you, I’m available, don’t forget that I want to keep talking to you.” I can fucking see myself doing it and I can’t stop. If I don’t cling on, they leave. If I do cling, they leave. So am I just destined to be alone? Is that maybe the better option? How can I possibly inflict myself on anyone? I’m just so tired of being alone and I want someone to care and I want someone to want to want to spend time with me. Am I alone in this? Please tell me someone else is the same way and how do I stop? I feel like me and this guy could grow into something really good but I don’t want to ruin it before it’s started.",1.1999562293156814,2.8412843900928837,3.18413366072382,92.07179566563472,79.71207430340556,5.941240525248213,21.66424682395645,6.8039241337230125,0.408841016333938,1170,34,263,12,29,395,153,323,0.078,0.7859999999999999,0.136,0.7717,0,4,1,0,0,0,27.0,1,3,6,2,18,12,1,0,5,0,31,2,0,4,0,53,63,27,0,13,8,1,2,4,1,1,1,1,0,3,15,20,0,3,3,0,1,5,7,2,1,1,4,6,52,10,35,53,4,39,0,1,3,1,24,10,1,7,27,177,67,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630149555665296,0.0,0.0,0.35659657990407706,0.0,0.0,0.07162242316777473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06018658910584871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046977289222447,0.0,0.0,0.06618740416499881,0.0,0.1049426947013969,0.0,0.07324463866512015,0.0,0.0,0.07612754147502111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776058107002027,0.0,0.0,0.0741471584991075,0.0,0.18603592211270564,0.0,0.06872496573033038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719057499020948,0.0,0.07623810211316237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704558324161289,0.12298593106522553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650237869932349,0.07957620359795314,0.0,0.0,0.04891917643283455,0.07219676308674625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556873744035741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650861969392134,0.0,0.0,0.04730531386435431,0.0,0.0,0.1822848639547243,0.09352221205284299,0.0880189052995091,0.0,0.16821023755358042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722824596942285,0.0,0.0,0.07317903928430394,0.0,0.0,0.11491327131395095,0.0,0.08647526849841665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008115871812006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16626616093937455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064531088731586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902352053617016,0.0,0.0,0.09448599004008752,0.0,0.09703815756022914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061865326904644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05514271741255551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684513727060663,0.0,0.0,0.13718342190127136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917288665790661,0.06626578373593778,0.0,0.0,0.1218505748406828,0.0,0.0,0.1439273748011352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836982799322448,0.15046905726512974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05019181507082443,0.09893210824678836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408409189138442,0.0,0.10353925730468357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061605168487776,0.06832340443194745,0.06904526029656376,0.0,0.07739298090459835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05543035078586925 ptsd,gangstafemale,2019/06/28,"Anxiety attacks while sleeping... One year ago I was diagnosed with PTSD from 2 severely abusive relationships. I had never considered that I could be suffering from it. I told the psychiatrist that I was having episodes where I would wake up gasping for air, as if underwater and finally breaking the surface and taking a breath. He said it sounded like I was having anxiety attacks in my sleep. Another thing that I had never even considered. I refused medication, because I'm currently on a ton of meds due to cancer and other health issues. I guess my question is: do others experience this, and does anyone have any suggestions as to how I can control these, even a little bit. It sucks waking up with my heart racing and gasping for air. This is my first post here, so I'm sorry if this has already been addressed. I'm just really struggling right now.",6.171754890678941,7.63108115822785,6.964982738780207,70.71033947065597,66.53164556962025,10.049252013808976,35.24971231300346,10.230975488527342,4.020207594936709,685,33,111,17,11,227,108,158,0.19,0.7829999999999999,0.027000000000000003,-0.9762,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,8,6,3,1,5,0,17,10,6,2,2,19,25,12,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,2,1,0,13,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,8,2,15,1,15,14,2,22,0,1,0,0,7,10,1,4,11,86,28,0,0.0,0.16554264761961845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385132587482643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15418197481016965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950128385611378,0.14650620829618669,0.21376734188366006,0.0,0.0,0.09769387619811593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3178981463707418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517062335950408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253556019424275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670529985038226,0.1115532279453632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418105415357914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226791552881698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18456446849870026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366707367762438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305392942645835,0.0,0.11884381855086013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391481699008774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851339948291964,0.0,0.16556616714432335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458289965559228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06825901902296971,0.1400338574132013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551948862805864,0.140750900645177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21551783306867545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467634083904623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381095116783998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332253416786746,0.0,0.15651581873818732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950674707044315,0.0,0.0,0.1500045399670528,0.0,0.11931816675823635,0.1329035437294655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784125093777254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796372385649871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640254512018836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146063293587193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505033496299987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928222427639549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335062658911489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925145733062443,0.0,0.0,0.0899736288057337 ptsd,ACJ79,2019/06/28,"What do you do when something triggers your PTSD I am not receiving help for PTSD right now. I’m waiting to see a psychiatrist for postpartum depression and anxiety. My baby almost died a week after he was born. I actually thought he was dead as he turned blue, but I was able to resuscitate him just before first responders got to my home. He spent a few weeks in a children’s hospital afterwards as he had viral meningitis. He’s doing really well now, but he could have developmental issues because he suffered brain damage. It’s hard not knowing what his future will hold. It weighs on me. Tonight I checked the news before bed and there was a story about an infant passing away at the Toronto Raptors victory parade. It described how the mother saw the baby was unresponsive and how police and paramedics rushed the baby to hospital. Now I can’t sleep. It brings it all back. And I feel tremendous sadness for that mother whom I don’t know. What do you do in these situations? I am just trying to tell myself that my son is okay. He survived. I am trying not to think what that mother is going through. Are there any strategies? I’ve had a few times like this since it happened but this one has really hit me hard.",3.964487179487179,6.069237542735047,4.908042735042739,80.71334615384617,73.14529914529916,7.756923076923077,27.51196581196581,8.548686976883017,2.1470519658119653,971,37,177,18,20,316,144,234,0.11,0.8340000000000001,0.055,-0.8751,0,0,1,0,1,0,21.0,0,3,0,2,13,7,0,0,12,1,24,3,2,3,1,27,40,13,2,1,8,4,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,17,5,1,2,5,0,2,5,5,4,1,2,11,6,20,3,19,26,3,25,0,4,3,0,25,6,0,1,15,120,37,0,0.1517958374711509,0.0,0.14813084055904066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520016043640642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032263747814474,0.0,0.11612340018195245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261718611755705,0.1167216292174514,0.0,0.09253333360438848,0.0,0.2583341547924721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694543565153471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119662448100213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074153238528274,0.0,0.15754011382303906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675253638000508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911746180802147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626907257130233,0.0,0.12140499803933265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423255776228699,0.0,0.2719585092662053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174555013798524,0.0,0.1522636016596364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15843541652318596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684604494008035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415977868448856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286078797760326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548824217354515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19448860087716424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12963281580199795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12096162939117802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255670853710384,0.17062488131384798,0.15190546260958218,0.0,0.0,0.11685985175892705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13267625262215366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726464340423588,0.0,0.12050893919251088,0.08851337353921689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20611881900489512,0.16511028189659116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24352292927117786,0.0,0.13648268783378095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,littleleafmoth,2019/06/24,"Afraid of therapy It's come to a point where I need to pursue therapy to have a functional life. In the past I've had traumatic experiences with the mental health care system. Being told I should go to therapy feels the same as being told I should stand in front of on coming traffic. Obviously I can logically explain to myself that this is not the case. What do you do when traumatic stress stops you from seeking help in the first place?",4.201781512605038,6.181271800000001,5.249243697478993,79.05588235294121,72.17647058823529,9.092436974789916,26.26050420168067,9.606745405546679,2.49610924369748,353,12,66,9,7,116,61,85,0.133,0.8,0.067,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,2,7,0,10,2,0,0,1,13,19,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,4,1,2,0,1,3,1,7,1,14,12,1,17,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540605441087074,0.0,0.0,0.3132917292817056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788214087605,0.0,0.0,0.09194776257146726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15467973153845194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334835272119072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932958149779564,0.0,0.0,0.12188881472883735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12844455022884635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18325991294145788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483791426990466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1735943978493241,0.0,0.0,0.18999235200172385,0.0,0.1719050447086754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520329876935425,0.20830615598669788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6238767683600672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3475269243037065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,crystal-sun13,2019/06/24,Has anyone had CBT to help with trauma I’m on a waiting list for CBT and just wondering if CBT has helped with anyone’s trauma I’m nervous about it. I wanna ‘get over’ the trauma but I’m so scared about everything resurfacing as I’ve been trying to push everything away. Any help or advice?,1.3049636803874094,3.8096107796610177,3.09714285714286,87.86983050847458,85.27118644067797,6.083292978208232,18.59806295399516,7.447530270364453,0.6710368038740913,232,6,45,4,7,77,42,59,0.19699999999999998,0.7170000000000001,0.086,-0.7151,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,10,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,12,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,0,26,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25713349754183684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17894153377330932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36798168146301335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472249759844888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4729794198854188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747772286046586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.529123632448994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26344508528401983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865210170544513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28535981593724513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,westofhearts3528,2019/06/24,"Stuck in a sitation that's triggering, and have no local support system. What coping techniques have you used? So I recently found out about this board. I've recently browsed but never found an exact answer. &#x200B; The TL;DR is in the title. &#x200B; My situation in short: A few months ago I went to visit a cousin who was suffering from stage 4 Stomach Cancer. While I was in town, I went to a bar to try and relax and ended up getting a spiked drink and then assaulted. I didn't say anything as I felt I would be taking the ""spotlight"" away from my cousin who won't recover. &#x200B; I came home and realized I wasn't doing well, went to therapy, and was told I have major PTSD symptoms. &#x200B; I haven't had a therapy appointment in 4 weeks, due to 2 weeks out of office I knew about in advance, and then my therapist having to cancel 2 weeks in a row after due to their own family emergency. &#x200B; During those weeks I found out more information about my cousin's rapidly failing health, and now my grandmother's. &#x200B; I realized remembering that I would have to travel to their funerals/memorials is making me feel as though I'm reliving the experience, and again I can't say anything or not go to the services. It's causing my anxiety to skyrocket. I'm unnaturally worried I will somehow be assaulted again, and I am losing people I love and yet have to somehow hide what I am going through to my family. &#x200B; I also had to cancel this upcoming appointment with my therapist because I have to travel, and that makes 5 weeks without any professional help, and I feel like I haven't learned much in the way of coping strategies yet (I've only had 2 appointments and beginning that kind of work by talking about breathing.) &#x200B; I feel like I'm stuck and I know the experience of traveling for the funerals over this week and next have my anxiety and hypervigilance, and my depression over my lost family members is at an all-time high and I feel I have nothing to utilize. &#x200B; So, like the title says....what are some techniques you use to minimize anxiety when something triggers you? Outside of alcohol at least. I know I have been using a lot at home and at work. I know it's not healthy, but nothing else seems to calm me down, even if slightly.",5.454749721913239,6.8941865862068985,6.2669484612532464,75.12467185761959,68.19540229885058,9.658880237300703,33.34260289210233,9.935076216389866,3.527469410456064,1835,84,320,44,31,604,212,435,0.165,0.78,0.055,-0.9927,0,0,3,0,0,0,83.0,0,3,2,6,18,16,2,0,19,0,35,9,2,8,2,67,71,34,1,3,7,3,5,3,0,4,4,2,2,0,14,25,3,0,19,6,0,11,11,7,1,0,22,7,49,9,57,43,8,64,0,5,0,1,18,24,0,7,29,226,63,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040320846179299485,0.04861100421149362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03637536478960693,0.0,0.44355932627512906,0.4974373227863629,0.030932232833374342,0.0,0.10439064801324874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486267191064219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04273586102746504,0.0,0.0,0.027728016468264786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05202419108088395,0.0,0.04672694332411068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03917726965899957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04455924139879682,0.0,0.0,0.03799795351398908,0.0,0.04028734647834197,0.0,0.0,0.030043261515106837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898862754745103,0.12864126081536134,0.0,0.0919969273699631,0.06499082059298518,0.04367396573207294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14962008747817862,0.0,0.0,0.02376470595311471,0.0,0.05170180672806875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04834979273591124,0.0,0.0,0.030488497278832693,0.048058756295462114,0.09125290292438956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473669650489474,0.07499421616337383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666690211673673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050887516727220035,0.04965365208760255,0.038670811954668934,0.0410531471098842,0.0,0.060724895400899176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036306717833058735,0.0,0.03343765237485021,0.0,0.035081826273061625,0.0,0.04837517894302106,0.0,0.0,0.08729063232026955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03459436858548417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031534461989044575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05317103172921682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08982443566179353,0.0,0.05152709262132075,0.0,0.0,0.07234503726323209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041409004504141166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05112848888804894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035017563593935375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05161729591657646,0.0,0.04727766534422172,0.0342000246441281,0.03656015199746937,0.0,0.0,0.10403505958436236,0.10562616289251132,0.0,0.0,0.0446900429711666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346409352460407,0.0,0.03088220096026006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785663458146013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03610489493618343,0.21891811945628625,0.0,0.04089763189628178,0.1264987226087063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04384715448393408,0.0,0.06622911281554902,0.046193529242633216,0.0,0.06462430201423991,0.0,0.4974373227863629,0.0 ptsd,Gw31,2019/06/24,"Sexually invaded Tell me what this means. So When I was 9 a family friends son who was 7 started to sexually dry hump me and say stuff like “aw yea dick to dick” this continued til I was 13 years old. He would jump my Feet even kiss them. Then he randomly stopped and never did it again. I became obsessed with him I would steal his clothes and smell them and it make me hornet. I began to love everything about him and constantly find myself jacking off to him. I’m 25 now and I still am absolutely obsessed with him and what he did. I came out about it years ago and he denied every bit of it and wants noting to do with me. He acts like nothing happened and is in a heterosexual relationship. what happened? What he did has really fucked up my life",2.3661684011352904,4.430256728476824,3.932984862819304,86.0755794701987,77.74172185430464,7.493093661305583,24.030747398297066,8.418075326091056,1.4987025543992436,590,20,124,12,14,196,96,151,0.139,0.769,0.092,-0.7645,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,8,9,1,2,2,2,12,8,3,1,1,24,23,14,0,3,0,1,0,2,1,2,1,1,0,0,12,15,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,8,2,21,5,16,13,1,23,0,0,0,6,20,4,3,1,18,81,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635932358460914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014817822700794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21107706230546766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994339577487829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189412753817518,0.0,0.15549209111636975,0.0,0.16586244714396695,0.0,0.17397816195393806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867617728159606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258356593818966,0.1706143313176703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32639549909190946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13035375702254964,0.1803244933999892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656439072500268,0.0,0.12318915742582665,0.0,0.0,0.20103003078943968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423370296813619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708156392382046,0.0,0.1936551225692352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822803090626967,0.0,0.0,0.1981385981254349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467622813602348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13062607542923538,0.0,0.14738258547663666,0.15429281430708405,0.0,0.0,0.21126662470809485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130561919613046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088529011447714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621993257232844,0.0,0.0,0.2376894550490529 ptsd,megmegbotbot,2019/06/24,"I'm looking for some kind of guidance for rarer cause of PTSD I'll keep it short. 2 years ago, I was at a terrorist attack in the UK and I was caring for a disabled girl as I was working at the time. Literally right in the middle of it, saw dead bodies and very hurt people. I have kind of dealt with it by not dealing with it and just getting on with shit, which I think most people do with PTSD. However, the one thing I can't get over is loud noises, particularly explosions. There's been a festival for the last few days where I live with A LOT of fireworks. I haven't left the house since Saturday for fear I might have a meltdown at the store. It's a really big trigger for me. Also, when I'm in massive crowds of people trying to get somewhere, that triggers me bad. Has anyone got any advice on dealing with this shit? I'm tired of it affecting me when I least expect it.",3.374835164835165,4.312947912087914,4.782087912087913,85.71291208791209,72.62637362637362,7.578021978021977,25.538461538461537,7.882392219407189,1.29601978021978,688,21,146,9,13,230,111,182,0.17600000000000002,0.789,0.035,-0.9802,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,3,1,13,0,12,4,3,4,0,22,24,7,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,11,9,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,6,3,13,4,31,17,5,23,0,1,2,0,4,15,2,4,8,96,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636224705889513,0.12369866560078295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159448552263136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489572486962147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757345783515188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875315110783128,0.0,0.0,0.11651466325148338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500359164807126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227593694609153,0.14335166754916362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08999530285739417,0.2877305650956912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702748288004864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21872029186018024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11160728366301256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610167706695552,0.14938634334853532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403445167164427,0.0,0.2906303277495112,0.0,0.11374820697088167,0.0,0.0,0.15161659349626522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322123263828973,0.0,0.1171830741362032,0.0,0.0,0.11863659346879454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803572276232346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455964191769167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902298367800174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32624244264485225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939642023752475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191710940974714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28648289979953423,0.11543347919830195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270782922080076,0.08941512147038118,0.0,0.0,0.08137010294552342,0.1603870236870198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474223414390053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513965146299385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159078560475612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898627264901295 ptsd,pondracer420,2019/06/24,"Blah. Bleh. Blih. Bloh. Bluh. Sometimes blyh. Why do i feel like I'm insane all the time? Why do i feel like an animal (like a pet cat or dog) will help with my ptsd but i am not even sure which to get? Some days i feel like offing myself but... I work on continuing instead. ; not . As far as support, I feel like I am in a vacuum. So I look to whatever hobbies I can afford (computers, music or sound scapes on VCV Rack, amateur radio, woodworking). Pleh. PondRacer",-0.8485887096774185,1.1741585698924766,1.9026814516129031,91.77402217741935,103.08602150537635,5.765860215053762,16.56518817204301,7.1686216300943375,0.5188930107526879,349,10,75,8,16,120,67,93,0.059000000000000004,0.772,0.16899999999999998,0.8825,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,2,14,14,7,0,0,6,0,4,6,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,11,7,9,13,2,7,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,3,8,42,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194483392310186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233274705989006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3746010345973168,0.5292704730355954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676718224661457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414569649743708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4524334167143326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553393507364316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21650639935257834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831823505168321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21017976367522187,0.1745629261128216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10800034392129623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33425542104140354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483871087018146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,majahi-majaho,2019/06/24,"Book recommendations? Hey there, I was wondering if you guys have book recommendations about PTSD or forgiving yourself. There is a lot of self help books out there, but I am also looking for some fiction or just novels. If you have a book that moved you or helped you I would love to hear it! Thanks in advance!",4.188135593220338,6.307446796610176,4.412000000000003,84.44783050847458,72.5593220338983,7.431864406779661,25.359322033898305,8.238735603445708,1.4527057627118647,247,8,49,4,5,77,44,59,0.0,0.7809999999999999,0.21899999999999997,0.9329,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,0,1,6,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,0,0,13,11,7,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,3,6,9,2,4,0,0,1,1,12,2,0,8,0,36,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22143489783462972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741721418744456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120837014011975,0.0,0.3711972275257371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325242320691165,0.0,0.0,0.23540842391251865,0.2499108803072285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29429831063571765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236784578469711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28886456916615405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549300929261649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002836181203007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19670009904953734,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,akdaleo,2019/06/24,"Randomly Uncomfortable I’m not sure if this is just general anxiety or an emotional flashback. But sometimes I’ll just get randomly super uncomfortable, and I can physically feel it in my arms and knots in my stomach. It’s almost as if I’m feeling violated for no reason and all I want to do is put a giant sweatshirt on and curl into a ball. It happens at super random times like sometimes just sitting in my room alone or out with friends or family. It really ruins my day and is overwhelming but I haven’t heard anyone else talk about it.",6.732106918238991,6.654021518867924,8.109433962264152,68.38823899371071,64.9433962264151,11.59496855345912,35.59119496855346,11.20814326018867,4.218866666666666,435,19,77,12,6,151,74,106,0.129,0.755,0.11599999999999999,-0.1097,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,1,1,3,0,6,2,2,1,2,30,14,13,0,3,11,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,6,8,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,3,7,5,12,13,1,13,0,2,0,0,3,9,0,9,3,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297669287792097,0.2376471015355363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553312763265974,0.0,0.0,0.16044089324875438,0.23510467492127876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798006649540635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168095277378888,0.2581069920831109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21631059183254853,0.0,0.2320395845008277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772770512534254,0.0,0.119881231967004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20290708554198772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121005574814134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306665453700581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14699531854637554,0.2359188705174417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4538754843269743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21625946061793366,0.0,0.0,0.18442795256985334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379757456560734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533902878885098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SkullAnon,2019/06/24,"The only time I can relax is when Im high or drunk. And it just makes everything worse in the long run. Every day I am on edge and afraid to be around people. I recently started EMDR therapy which is opening old wounds that Ive ignored for years. It has helped but I am more sensitive to panic attacks or disconnecting from everyday life. I just realized the last three months every weekend I have gone binge drinking and clubbing and blacked out. Maybe some nights I dont black out but the black outs are happening more frequently. And by blackouts I dont mean I pass out. I just dont remember anything except bits and pieces. But its the only time i feel vaguely ok and can let myself go. I learned that this weekend i almost got in a fight twice over random bs and was kind of overboard with the guy Im seeing. I dont even remember meeting him that night. I just feel so angry at myself. My self destructive behaviour isnt as bad as it was but I can feel myself going there and Im afraid to ask for help.",3.017500000000002,4.763005750000001,4.187058823529412,86.41676470588236,74.83333333333334,7.349019607843138,25.72549019607843,8.124751697461798,1.5639490196078432,799,28,161,13,17,261,127,204,0.138,0.804,0.057999999999999996,-0.9544,0,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,9,11,3,3,7,1,20,4,0,1,0,40,33,19,0,0,11,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,9,16,2,1,8,6,0,5,5,8,0,2,4,7,22,3,22,27,5,34,0,0,4,0,8,12,0,5,17,108,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059598499078416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088786918051288,0.09832059583912817,0.10325235284802264,0.12564857611684654,0.0,0.0,0.09221802170300714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205787209796458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122870684661416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5177688212525247,0.1081952967927938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294871937245938,0.0,0.18611149115337852,0.0,0.09926198542538714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753485722077985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553832040367965,0.0,0.08833397119154728,0.0,0.0,0.1093591711596727,0.09766727137955272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480596126997198,0.11669254766577945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35790277126037273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501279377218335,0.0,0.0900284507236506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293879354492077,0.07801146644415359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774147298120638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372374253199306,0.0,0.11095812271751508,0.12030836593750514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815715860966336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729268421260189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158947807958842,0.0,0.0,0.16799872973451596,0.0,0.12958490030014766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656953680090879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10905236681088763,0.0,0.2502281862987061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880113772783985,0.0,0.11521954654267125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817443802802297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630493468062054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880421588156926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255418432669148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07112377644581702 ptsd,justthatok,2019/06/24,"What should I do if my partner has SA in his childhood and PTSD in adulthood as well as pathetic depression? We've been in two different countries since last December. He experienced a PTSD which triggered his memory of SA in childhood last year. This year he's been waiting for a therapist/ counselor available for offering low cost or free sessions to him since February. He's in Western Canada now while I'm in Asia. Due to a number of reasons I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression last May. I've been on medication since last October. Redditor, please be gentle and kind while leaving your recommends as I've been through a lot besides of dealing with my own stuff. Thank you in advance!",5.86646153846154,7.88505503076923,6.272307692307693,73.24769230769233,67.92307692307692,10.430769230769233,38.384615384615394,10.577609850970193,4.756907692307691,574,33,94,17,10,185,87,130,0.124,0.735,0.141,0.1007,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,1,2,7,0,0,4,0,10,2,0,2,0,13,13,10,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,3,1,1,5,1,9,5,21,5,2,22,0,3,0,0,11,9,0,4,12,60,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607008057703505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564229864095812,0.2613630013407632,0.15399883665756947,0.0,0.15852152135704858,0.17389129953319146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799942488784524,0.0,0.4947082136290402,0.0,0.1606560730320107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289921370826666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15284812203041867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665497374499779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547194727476557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599974021945048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765282887170834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369012829805774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968904318160247,0.0,0.17616574096399187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821439053862212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642001999093484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19541331717495644 ptsd,bragierrnot,2019/06/24,"Does anyone deal with tics or muscle spasms related to PTSD? Hello, I've recently had a breakthrough in managing my PTSD. I also learned that I have facial tics (spasms and squinting of my eyes) and can spasm my neck (sort of like bending my head to my shoulder) instinctively. Nobody has ever told me I'm doing this, except occasionally when people remark on something my face is doing. It's hard to describe but I've only noticed it when it's pointed out and then I become dismissive. It's odd but I forget about it soon afterward. I feel like it's a reaction to thoughts or memories coming up in my head. It's potentially worsened lately by a shift in medication that has made it a lot easier for my mind to access memories and process my trauma. I've also had similar times where I'm staring off blankly, or disassociating, being completely absent in the room. This can go for straight minutes and if someone points it then I can vaguely fake a response, but I'm still stuck in my head. **I'm going to talk to my doctor about it this week.** I'm 27 and never been diagnosed with Tourettes. I just want to know if anyone else has this.",3.0351737451737435,5.34357628828829,4.691415701415703,80.25635135135137,76.65765765765767,7.2916344916344915,26.787644787644787,8.269060116576782,2.0471374517374525,904,36,165,17,21,304,129,222,0.095,0.848,0.057,-0.8481,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,6,0,14,11,8,1,2,32,29,20,0,3,10,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,16,10,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,7,4,19,2,27,21,1,31,0,0,2,0,4,15,0,7,15,109,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223953735752346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581559330747308,0.14347078377858696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15464512800459435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061798192311135,0.14681214025368008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443582419004152,0.0,0.14212106433248772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332014620178588,0.12253564580235705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169717979410234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665941421965218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080016819558854,0.10003292850528417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915734218567948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254336931807568,0.0,0.43111400657941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769533399263908,0.0,0.1579527840442017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368169718382684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904310584809633,0.0,0.13249376983933006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141059103144318,0.0,0.0,0.1413839772649047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799487642680286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15941786151155812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064943008204056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09707477310859433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647352309325512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32736032362668993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825646866126104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864159014234885,0.10779705205936324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182307331860993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125457114569783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116314282643593,0.08164892040972442,0.0,0.0,0.1337986048005983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258958075874398,0.0,0.1123185315109235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Codexnuim,2019/06/24,"Walking in to a bad situation STORY TIME Just as a little back ground I'm a 6'0ft 280lbs Male. I've suffered with severe depression for years I've came to learn how to cope with it mostly (it's not always fool proof). And I was having a great weekend just passed my class for motorcycle license and I came home to my little apartment. when I heard a loud pop (this wasn't uncommon as we have transformers that often go out with a similar sound) I thought nothing of it and take my time leaving my apartment. As I was walking to my car I see a middle aged white women walking her pit bull well the dog pulled her behind the dumpster...SHE RUNS OUT SCREAMING. I obviously a larger Male go to check what she saw and I wish I hadn't.... An older black Male had shot himself behind the dumpster...... I called the police and they asked me to stay and monitor the body till they arrived for any signs of life, any movement. No he was gone... I can't walk out side my apartment without feeling horrible I'm anxious all the time and I cant seem to stop seeing the seen its horrible..",1.8393686868686885,4.106207027777781,3.2622390572390567,89.16121212121212,80.57407407407408,5.779124579124581,24.170033670033675,6.980632752743323,0.950257407407408,842,31,170,10,22,275,131,216,0.105,0.818,0.077,-0.7058,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,2,0,7,7,0,0,16,0,10,2,1,1,3,33,28,13,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,4,7,16,0,1,4,1,1,14,7,5,1,0,13,11,26,2,27,15,2,38,0,2,6,0,15,12,0,3,11,104,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315078596999857,0.0,0.0,0.21495491431027156,0.0,0.0,0.1785482524454991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775271675479615,0.0,0.0,0.12152847496443267,0.1319627385191639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755547144314067,0.0,0.0,0.16138377407363358,0.3615275882634265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612574765980745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991336959953567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796436341143673,0.0,0.0,0.1742475010895244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853414166978427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734907347546016,0.0,0.0,0.11163335059410273,0.0,0.3168094572968939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516504683930222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518861747849023,0.14388015670917714,0.0,0.1785482524454991,0.0,0.0,0.17765157799869882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168457194637235,0.0,0.13213446414677496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883176048732999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547175444547118,0.27647562938326176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210333613991594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18174638118409409,0.1523517779271661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177715960815024 ptsd,CelestialFoxCloud,2019/06/24,"Lost ability to cry Life...has not been kind to me. I have so, so much sorrow but I am unable to cry anymore. Sometimes I can cry a few tears but it stops quickly even though I want to keep crying. Has anyone else had problems with this or any suggestions on how I can fix it? I’d appreciate any advice. I feel like being able to cry would help me heal some but I can’t do it.",-0.12518518518518462,1.890448086419756,2.1965432098765447,95.34444444444449,86.65432098765433,5.0814814814814815,17.641975308641978,6.42735559955562,-0.2778543209876543,289,7,68,3,9,98,58,81,0.325,0.54,0.135,-0.9584,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,1,0,11,1,0,1,0,14,15,8,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,1,9,2,7,10,3,3,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,2,3,46,13,0,0.14494892419981972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164241115225756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714047793256334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375038386841346,0.10135165803086923,0.14851730211409253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7960979347818774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108622672923867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573739738811878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329053130329496,0.10355154041051573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715620849894943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12883726382956984,0.0,0.15094199921270046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238171181129027,0.07081472271106433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822887336289573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655413732384256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869654467942213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433581923680165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118379101423335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241158208043733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549463099018298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296755696374817,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,infiniteambivalence,2019/06/24,"What do you tell yourself? It’s been 9+ years since I was left for someone else by my high school boyfriend. To be honest, he was probably cheating on me but I don’t have anything but intuition to confirm this. We were together on and off for 4 years. It wasn’t a healthy relationship, I know that now. Back then, I was too in love to rationally evaluate that the relationship could be very toxic and turned me into a person I didn’t like being. I was young and had already experienced many traumatic events. This person was my escape from my destructive home life. Last night, I dreamed that I sat down with him and the girl he left me for. I wanted my questions answered. I never understood exactly why he left. He broke up with me via Facebook message. Because this was so devastating to me, my memories are blank as to what exactly happened that day or that entire summer. I have difficulty remembering much of what happened or what was said. How do you cope with intrusive thoughts and dreams that you don’t want to have?",4.235691624365483,6.15128704568528,5.0250729695431495,80.96522366751272,71.94416243654824,8.579822335025383,30.07899746192893,9.188382445141503,2.6831423857868018,816,35,155,18,16,264,122,197,0.13,0.768,0.102,-0.8734,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,1,3,0,0,5,6,2,0,4,0,24,2,0,1,3,27,35,13,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,15,10,0,0,6,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,16,2,26,3,23,15,1,23,0,1,0,1,19,11,0,3,13,109,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951090303163154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894963671516046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11114750752426293,0.0,0.08811434060672947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540879631076473,0.0,0.0,0.0932206781772811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207502390992281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556443792622144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15272154884215408,0.1449921486240315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794390986473587,0.11782487150554773,0.0,0.0,0.4711513118983763,0.0,0.10209762509360916,0.07061822744074138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304590608404555,0.0,0.0,0.14654768945057906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625847304364897,0.0,0.11148334367402772,0.0,0.0,0.1356473075181645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524252459069995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584581503716838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16192541064804614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31037817045019256,0.16374325927373784,0.0,0.13749703428362553,0.0,0.0,0.14628900049139415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957054283466585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247396918720825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634020691348455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114753951906267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572253268093583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926618449725215,0.17051480441040215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13043093455509802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861667007120054 ptsd,aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh,2019/06/24,"Advice for finally talking about it in therapy? I've had a traumatic event that occurred at age 3 or 4 that I had been unable to think about for years, let alone vocalize it. I've slowly been able to think it through without losing it more and ore since starting EMDR. But I'm still not verbalizing it. Another traumatic event happened in an abusive relationship at 17-19. Some parts I haven't been able to verbalize either, but I've kept a lot of it inside that I am able to say out loud, but haven't because i feel shame. Lately I have just wanted it out of my head, I can't stand going through it all by myself. It's been so long and sometimes it just gets to where my head feels like it's gonna explode and I just completely start falling apart. Has anyone found it beneficial to kind of just ""spill your guts"" or let it out in therapy? How did you go about it if you did? If not, did it make it worse? Need some advice.",3.874850202429148,4.642023294736841,5.01526315789474,85.13722672064779,71.31578947368422,8.372469635627532,27.246963562753038,8.617729084823388,1.761481781376518,726,24,155,12,13,240,111,190,0.087,0.848,0.065,-0.4947,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,3,0,1,11,4,0,1,3,0,17,3,3,2,1,35,34,12,0,4,15,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,19,6,0,1,5,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,11,4,13,2,26,20,7,24,0,1,0,0,6,10,0,7,11,105,32,0,0.39773151011881264,0.15708226731765426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25910575234439354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730996497854564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901872240292842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927010398644344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081781231933946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390046404003101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407000134054056,0.09471315676646437,0.0,0.14523180945751105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536402393891712,0.0,0.0,0.06926609942479255,0.0,0.15069332195117913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723755362319414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721248499502327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805872107165926,0.0,0.0,0.14955282245973342,0.0,0.0,0.27113827748716085,0.0,0.06477050854982387,0.0,0.0,0.11732662352480933,0.0,0.14831994134757825,0.0,0.1127123689632056,0.0,0.0,0.08849629048003284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830429170514468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435681556019852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233826500171234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543068687345958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096692050714336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311222111586286,0.0,0.1876776066499624,0.0,0.10587629925054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656050734388894,0.0,0.0,0.3032270963104509,0.0,0.0,0.1699001946597591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819744984539044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779966089083286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510746265486384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537535079224337 ptsd,citygirlstl,2019/06/24,Fireworks mega trigger For whatever reason fireworks are my kryptonite now and ever since the fireworks stands opened I haven’t slept well even with sleep aids. Suggestions? They are illegal in my area but not enforced. :(,6.235810810810811,9.764166567567568,4.282364864864864,80.83543918918923,72.51351351351352,6.943243243243244,33.57432432432432,8.07648339933343,3.0975459459459453,181,9,26,3,4,51,33,37,0.057999999999999996,0.826,0.11699999999999999,0.3311,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,2,1,8,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,4,1,3,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30129132528177777,0.4126255027026035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4690114848473801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3773427048229229,0.0,0.4564923838846856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101452736321936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lambo1109,2019/06/24,Anyone else struggle with overeating since their trauma? I really don’t have much to add. I’m starting to put things together for why I suddenly developed an over eating issue.,5.098333333333333,7.884718000000002,5.901250000000001,71.75208333333336,72.125,9.266666666666666,29.416666666666664,9.725611199111238,3.6131541666666656,144,6,21,4,3,47,29,32,0.16399999999999998,0.836,0.0,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22258589091985634,0.32616985898750794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32573421244554074,0.2659264404578597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322570296476243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23401144143296065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200126692575521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20393232222263952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26332841306845906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225317792243641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332790852395525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114863531558035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28724609086137204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,funkyfunkfunkfunk,2019/06/24,"I’m Fairly sure I made my trauma up. (possibly triggering.) I’m diagnosed with ptsd. I was raped years ago as a teenager. But I made it up. I told everyone it was by a stranger. Infect I never told anyone until a year later when I could not cope with the odd flashback and fear and started self harming and all that stuff. I literally carried on as if nothing happened after the worst event of my young life. My parents were away that night till late. I came home and hid my uniform, showered and got in bed. If you asked me to tell you what happened from Point A to Point B during the start and end of the abuse I experienced I could not tell you. I don’t see his face. I don’t even know if he actually had sexual with me. I have specific flashes of things and feelings that are all jumbled up and I don’t want to think about them long enough to see if I can make sense of them or remember more. Least not without proper psych support. But for many years now I am sure that I made my trauma up to give myself a valid reason for being so messed up. There’s been talk of me having bpd and I’m diagnosed with that as well at the moment. And also cPTSD. I’m sure I am a fraud and I made my trauma up because I’m just a messed up person with no real reason I’m like this. Should I tell my psychiatrist I’m actually a fraud. My notes all say things like ‘alleged rape’. Maybe they already know I lied. Would it give me closure and let me just move on and get well from this lie that’s ruined my life.",1.9272228138681804,3.5695779712460087,3.4831877884274083,90.73752810318304,77.59424920127795,6.298378890072183,22.13572358300793,7.093109894594671,0.5390003313217377,1167,33,258,13,27,386,169,313,0.175,0.77,0.055,-0.9908,2,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,3,3,0,11,19,2,1,13,0,20,8,1,8,7,58,52,28,0,9,13,1,1,2,0,2,5,1,3,2,15,19,0,0,7,0,0,2,9,11,2,0,13,5,43,8,40,33,7,36,0,1,2,2,21,14,0,5,22,173,58,1,0.0,0.11046130276784473,0.1819564120392728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264202006176499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028806899354677,0.07455532092082061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06518799229356734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715667415440377,0.0,0.08759185927506064,0.0,0.0,0.0568316270708558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741885605764801,0.0,0.0,0.10662931586021104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887178698648346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892512580836682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257335873094165,0.09633063799929112,0.0,0.061576977075619675,0.0,0.0,0.08908445207359895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490871770842533,0.0471394615797552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04870838517142879,0.17886779965807625,0.0,0.0,0.07456387124890215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16488446630764442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351644309046488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247260997665164,0.0,0.10516654669940394,0.0,0.0,0.09533312662496532,0.13170101743227267,0.09109411109888238,0.0,0.0,0.08250486770537169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528627195146796,0.06223118435627136,0.09451972945156248,0.09366121623116128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908783669811368,0.0,0.0,0.07190407110429556,0.0,0.0,0.08748924568867808,0.0,0.08945588784691026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351994279844914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814041014202406,0.0,0.0,0.17626337006541454,0.1051018634083632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10897989222077936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061151879245024,0.0,0.19171019559650207,0.0,0.0,0.1056104577567572,0.0,0.0,0.0741395653539957,0.0,0.0,0.14858313093599546,0.0,0.09725834034037774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197615036319266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672507666474462,0.0,0.10579533935629036,0.2636021234994403,0.0,0.0,0.07493406267815916,0.2444591700030341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387461489802212,0.059737477574969285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781689041471979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054988970623765863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764841197139374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986957774643471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0662273162595513,0.0,0.0,0.1801095559762088 ptsd,versavera,2019/06/24,"Terrified my loved ones will get hurt too I'm constantly terrified that the same thing that happened to me will happen to my boyfriend, my brother, my friends, because it happened to me so unexpectedly. I was hit by a car in front of my boyfriend and it's a miracle I survived. Whenever we're not together, I'm worried something will happen to him and he'll die. He seems not to be so worried, but I can't get over this. I need to bring this up to my therapisr because whenever he's out of my sight I can't think of anything else. Does this happen a lot to anybody else? Is this common?",3.4094166666666688,4.666575108333337,4.851666666666667,84.02666666666667,72.91666666666666,8.333333333333334,32.5,8.841846274778883,2.675500000000001,463,23,96,9,9,155,70,120,0.083,0.8109999999999999,0.106,0.165,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,8,1,0,0,0,11,24,5,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,1,0,1,1,1,15,2,16,17,2,9,0,1,1,1,7,4,0,2,2,63,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127619056071704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944909675734497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17239078240782693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556265712889615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960215539349372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665267727752897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324928396369099,0.0,0.16669135566223375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7053409572020443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077573286691078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562318174692636,0.14397831724593269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828640408384974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809885151583223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522635186475258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281080100417845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598189314229498,0.1022177299223511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240125094528412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WeAll_MustBe_Ghosts,2019/06/24,"I'm really struggling with Depersonalization. The Depersonalization is the worst right now. I have been gaining more memories, but remain the same level of Depersonalization and it's distressing. I am currently completely void of a sense of self and I don't know what to do. The only times I do feel a twinge of sense of self is during or briefly after a flash back. Which gives me hope that my brain didn't toss my identity out the window. Therapy is out of the question as my insurance will not cover private practice. They told me it's either the under-trained and under equipped local services, or nothing. The most help I am currently getting is medication, which is only doing so much for me. I've gone through dozens of counselors and therapists in that local system for 10 years and there was only one who was trained to help me. However she replaced one on one sessions with watered down group therapy and fired me when I told her I need one on one sessions. Ever sense then I have been completely hopeless. I thought about trying local services again because things are getting down to the wire, but I don't think I have the will to go on that wild goose chase again. I finally bit the bullet and spent money I don't really have this month on the PSTD Workbook. I am hoping it can at least help me, even if it's a little bit. This is the only idea I have left on how to tackle my Depersonalization. It kinda feels like a last ditch effort, ya know? I figure I'd come here and see if any of you have some good advice on tackling this problem.",5.4513787375415275,6.3973026013289065,6.0781710963455176,78.29081146179404,67.83720930232559,8.677807308970099,29.66794019933555,8.841846274778883,2.302622458471762,1237,44,232,20,20,403,166,301,0.10400000000000001,0.843,0.053,-0.9449,3,0,0,0,0,1,25.0,0,2,1,2,12,9,0,2,18,0,30,3,1,1,1,40,50,19,0,6,8,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,2,16,13,1,0,9,0,2,3,5,5,0,6,10,4,31,4,34,38,10,39,0,1,1,0,16,20,0,10,16,170,47,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10786737594612597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506588554360344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08487959087830779,0.0,0.06728994061858211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24102462522478166,0.0,0.0,0.123226659446072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508728371494972,0.2314740706240556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290854308507212,0.0998499515830959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162839193531802,0.07885938151147838,0.0,0.12092185563882912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534367445528472,0.10589177398143378,0.062734590275993,0.09258607118454963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221967103971232,0.0,0.0,0.2192753008972587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461172736695215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132990371299925,0.08997886782568584,0.0,0.0,0.1199341052459268,0.0,0.0,0.0539287509655846,0.11063521174609113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120171924125104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810860632019188,0.0,0.08114600066339572,0.08184940623303702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591780829530437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740001600172129,0.3358124098806479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10562395970004944,0.0,0.0,0.1236569574500612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143148089711566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426856396236373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796290527755593,0.0,0.2303121794491786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539883077467206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25247074523684765,0.12816600561638658,0.07333518245259096,0.0707305337873205,0.0,0.08763371043067883,0.06436663867389092,0.0,0.0,0.21095603976277744,0.0,0.0749444689332682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108460524024772 ptsd,BrittniiSundae,2019/06/24,"No one diagnosed me properly I spent 16 years in and out of hospitals for panic disorder, depression. I've been diagnosed with things I felt didn't fit. I felt almost brushed aside. They put me on different classes of medications that had me paranoid enough to not talk to other people and to lock my bedroom doors and put towels under them. I had episodes so severe that I lost time, and found myself in places I didn't know. I depersonalize a lot still, and recently found myself unable to walk to were my doctor thought I had conversion disorder. After removing so many medications (and it was difficult removing them) I was able to come clean with what was swept under the rug. It's taken so much of a chunk out of my life, and I wish I could get years back. Today it hits me out of nowhere. Scents, the weather, certain touches, I zone out, feel that things are unreal, and try to escape. I'm trying better things to cope, grounding with my cat is the best thing, and what I didn't expect helps alot is having a significant other help me through those times. Because for a long time I didn't even want to be near a person when in that state. I even feel weird writing this, but I'm understanding alot more now, and reading these posts help. I'm thankful I found this area. Wishing nothing but the best for every single one of you. ❤️",4.531064730792501,5.8801310114942575,5.229437386569875,82.0369328493648,70.30268199233717,8.406614236741277,27.52994555353902,8.841846274778883,2.0509954022988506,1058,36,205,19,19,342,152,261,0.087,0.792,0.12,0.9264,2,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,3,4,9,10,0,1,11,0,18,6,0,0,1,42,41,16,0,5,3,0,5,0,0,0,6,0,4,1,19,18,0,0,10,1,1,6,6,5,0,2,21,7,31,5,34,17,9,36,0,2,0,0,11,15,0,4,13,145,50,3,0.10371223183030964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385281897720608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974830450349092,0.0,0.06322201390162371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21767917753937305,0.09172504096878607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933890441321157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280577797539107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893271933044237,0.2105314643648698,0.0,0.10835720823935853,0.2377264057678421,0.10615386394186968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716245950780863,0.0,0.13700190198113113,0.0,0.08738202838891625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048800412345985,0.0,0.1991600136138368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3411453271940272,0.0,0.0,0.05418536056682605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20854836850750788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056997530304757286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325501647682939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917820615362172,0.0,0.0,0.11321415241301774,0.08817243071762187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514792479747337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20895832497772746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624042367761673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951468357554256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405561847637485,0.0,0.0,0.12168395800418932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719010029633167,0.09055752046695957,0.10835720823935853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09932764938462378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851887700021104,0.0,0.0,0.10374029783315608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240331699555573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716530145512882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282472231023665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335996339568431,0.0,0.09548428889155758,0.0,0.0,0.2756071936978632,0.0,0.0,0.08233592730455266,0.18142630923578615,0.0,0.09830706902216642,0.0,0.0,0.1408275951261711,0.0,0.0,0.10796809094365492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611721614247873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23852789650028225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357455391926226 ptsd,Bizgov,2019/06/24,"Do you have skin issues occasionally? And if so, which?",1.3230000000000004,3.5650992999999995,4.059999999999999,74.86000000000001,106.0,6.0,15.0,7.1686216300943375,0.5769999999999995,43,1,8,1,2,15,10,10,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Zer0FoxGibbon,2019/05/09,"Um well. I am a teacher at STEM School Highlands Ranch and I'm really not okay. Trigger: school shooting I can't give many details because of investigation purposes, but let's just say I was close to the shooting, knew a suspect quite well, and I'm really struggling. Yes, it's the loud noises and replaying of events, but it's turning in to more. I've been blacking out and saying the meanest things to people I love. I can't sleep and I am paranoid that everyone hates me. I just don't know what to do and how to get through today. I don't know what I'm looking for here, I just felt the need to start writing. I'm trying to be visible,, strong, but also vulnerable for my students but I just can't look them in the eye right now. I don't trust anyone in that community, but a few. Most of all, I don't trust myself.",1.6419705882352955,3.5850078294117655,3.5466911764705884,88.55886029411766,79.52941176470588,6.367647058823527,24.742647058823533,7.413659706084162,1.1217352941176468,641,24,137,9,16,216,98,170,0.14300000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.109,-0.5859,0,0,0,2,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,2,10,9,1,1,8,2,14,3,2,2,1,29,31,13,0,1,10,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,7,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,8,2,3,0,4,8,16,7,18,25,4,11,0,0,4,1,6,7,0,1,4,89,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405100964109735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228560345375565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710727685551953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789230862373658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870299916322665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091797873202488,0.16855089257456551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734709178242371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19312419461777736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796688237377382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2950935248726602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857934873636878,0.0,0.0,0.17813586118263602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13028198469595426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181074526611538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18688239437471085,0.0,0.0,0.2251204361495643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004990472975538,0.0,0.2794530919348083,0.0,0.3556428242817116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758304797398833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436390442994305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368354025821235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11672965703332208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654645761516024,0.0,0.0,0.11929120324723184,0.19111504996024872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315957254804985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Anonny-Moose,2019/05/09,"Does anyone else have PTSD from childhood sexual abuse? Nobody I know has been sexually abused as a child, so I just want to know that I’m not alone. I have sexual dysfunction and have trouble having sex. During sex it feels almost as if there’s a little light switch in my head that goes off and suddenly I feel disgusting, alone and that I need to stop. Afterwards I feel terrible and like I’m repulsed by myself. It makes me want to be alone and distant myself from everyone, especially the person I had sex with.",5.070957142857143,6.294274010000002,5.911428571428568,78.12500000000001,68.9,9.714285714285717,26.285714285714285,9.957137785484203,2.4870714285714284,411,12,77,10,7,135,68,100,0.22699999999999998,0.674,0.099,-0.9518,0,3,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,8,4,1,1,0,20,19,9,0,4,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,11,1,11,16,0,7,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,2,5,48,16,0,0.0,0.4241857738421432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792486923717284,0.5561888182408089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516518574101038,0.18341284263156632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664939249923718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953657743445273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17104794300481074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715324980921451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837118409813712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967540770903504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745330953173842,0.1794110793353036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948792215839403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273071098670108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15630117013666478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924848230362145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965706536815113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21116480135897026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ThrowawayOJI,2019/05/09,Your experiences with uncontrolled movements and panic attacks The title says it all. I have these problems but i am not here to complain. I am interested in the stories of you guys and maybe how you managed to deal with it.,2.955714285714283,5.87626219047619,3.9812380952380977,81.48042857142859,81.85714285714286,6.217142857142857,29.82857142857143,7.554174236665415,2.277337142857144,180,9,31,3,5,58,33,42,0.16,0.7070000000000001,0.133,0.1938,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,2,6,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,9,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,0,1,6,1,6,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39659982004592403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35940669379580553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3410123036564572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3451835981170536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502305625929003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40902451685496577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33357741451355505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772325913453609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FrequencyOf200,2019/05/09,"What's going on? I'm scared and confused For about 9 months now I've had weird blanks? I'll be sitting at my computer one minute and the next I'm standing by the train tracks. Or one second I'm texting my girlfriend, the next im screaming at her and furiously angry. It feels like I've woken up, but during the experience I feel fine, I feel like myself. I only realize how bad I had been acting until afterwards. It's weird, sometimes I act normal. I'll ""wake up"" in class and nothing has changed, other times I'll come to in a situation where I'm so close to death it's terrifying.",2.014710743801654,3.9111896446281023,4.108264462809917,85.20057851239672,78.17355371900827,6.7140495867768575,24.223140495867767,7.686295010490155,1.2313074380165294,461,16,95,7,11,158,80,121,0.23199999999999998,0.71,0.057999999999999996,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,1,2,5,0,5,1,1,1,0,15,15,9,1,1,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,4,0,7,0,3,4,4,9,3,13,10,0,22,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,2,9,50,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281627500493854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21895311378751933,0.17829145623605336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20246219718529745,0.0,0.0,0.31395978165334354,0.2957273237440362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117629203608436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235695460277742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022359913333787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520623067589374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44024254729913614,0.0,0.20279248836322225,0.1985990086635732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805045240828652,0.15741453862338564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20721903576979492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326496426415549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047045094534924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068934240029836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,EditRedditGeddit,2019/05/09,"Am I the problem, or is it other people? Tw: abuse, self-gaslighting, sexual assault, manipulation (basically all types of abuse), mention of people never coming to terms with abuse . (Idk whether I actually am gaslighting myself but important to include that Tw regardless) . . . The situation I'm in - I'm 21, at university, and I'm honestly shocked at how shitty lots of my peers can be to each other. &#x200B; There's bullying and have been instances of public shaming which I believe fall under the label of ""emotional abuse"". I know a couple who I think are in an abusive relationship (the woman abusing the man), and I believe certain sentiments within my community normalise female-on-male abuse. I believe that one of my past romantic relationships has been emotionally abusive, I believe that as a kid I was sometimes abused by my Dad, I believe that when I was 18 men tried to manipulate me into sex. I believe that I've abused myself. I believe that I was sexually assaulted in my first year of university..... and then again in my second year..... and then again in my third. I believe that a member of staff sexually harassed me. I believe that in my environment, abuse and inappropriate behaviour between staff and students are normalised. I believe that on my first week there, someone spiked my drink. I believe I faced harassment from other students when I held a student politics position. I believe my housemate emotionally lashed out at me and maybe thought about me in an abusive way. I believe I have a friend who's emotionally abused me (the same one that I think abuses her boyfriend), and that her best friend enabled it. &#x200B; And this just leads me to ask myself - am I the problem??? &#x200B; I think in some ways I have been unlucky - for whatever reason, I've experienced more mistreatment than average. I think I (wittingly and unwittingly) can put myself in vulnerable situations - like with the student political position, I knew I'd feel very anxious about it and take people's criticisms to heart, but I did it anyway partly cos I felt I'd have to, and partly cos I thought I'd do a good job. And then with my friend who I think abused me, I guess I did see the red flags and (for whatever reason) chose to ignore them, because I thought I could control/handle it. Same with the abusive ex coming to think of it. So maybe it's that I don't avoid these situations enough?? (Could my trauma have desensitised me to certain warning signs?) &#x200B; But then part of me also thinks, is it about how I'm interpreting situations? &#x200B; When I was 17 I went through a highly traumatic series of events, and I was only able to recover by recognising and understanding abuse. I'd experienced things like gaslighting, I became aware of common misconceptions people have - I guess I had to learn about abuse / healthy relationships on a logical level, before going on to experience them, because my trauma had been so bad and completely messed up the way I viewed relationships? So I had to reform my ideas step by step using logic/principles? &#x200B; So there's two ways of looking at this - awareness and projection. &#x200B; It's definitely true that I see abuse where others don't. Also I don't \*always\* mean it as such a seriously bad thing - I mean obviously it's unacceptable, does have a negative impact, and needs to be stopped. But I don't think ""traumatic"" or ""super emotionally damaging"" are prerequisites (though they obviously often come with it) - I think it's just a significant violation of someone's boundaries in a way that doesn't have a reasonable explanation, accompanied by gaslighting or denial (though gaslighting doesn't need to be there when it's severe). So say with my ex - I feel like the emotional manipulation was traumatic, but the specific individual instances of sexual abuse (and the gaslighting that came with those) wasn't traumatic and didn't need to be to ""count"" as abusive? I can think of someone or a situation as ""abusive"" without thinking it defines them as a person, they'd act like that in all contexts, or that they were consciously meaning to do harm. Whereas I think a lot of people my age use it to describe only very serious / extreme behaviour - and people who they think are ""bad"". They're reluctant to identify abuse in those they like / love / are able to empathise with. &#x200B; Is it that they're 21, and in denial, and experiencing all the rationalisations and justifications that abused people & witnesses typically do? Is it that a lot of people receive a certain level of abuse, but never \*need\* to come to terms with it, because it doesn't escalate, and it never impacts then \*that much\*? Is it that they are significantly impacted, and some of them will never come to terms with it (i.e. permanently impacted), but most people will learn and see recognising destructive behaviour (for what it is) as a process they went through in their 20s? &#x200B; Or is it that I'm projecting? I went through a really horrible experience when I was 17. My formative examples of mistreatment are labuse, so is it hard for me to see any type of mistreatment as non-abusive? Black and white approach? &#x200B; It's not as if I consider all my friends to be abusive - I have many friends who I don't consider to be abusive. Some of them have mistreated me, but because they've apologised or I've clearly seen it was their fault, I haven't really interpreted it as abusive? And there have been times I've been hurt or disappointed in the past in ways which I consider non-abusive (thinking about it though, instances of abuse do seem to heavily outweigh instances of non-abusive harm when I think about my life experiences). &#x200B; I'm generally not a fan of ""everyone else is the problem"", but to me, my interpretations of each experience makes sense, and I've often thought about it a lot? Is it just that I reflect more on things?? &#x200B; Idk if I'm just sensitive? Do I feel abused by others so easily bc I'm so impacted by them? &#x200B; I know no one here can answer these questions, but if you're able to provide insight from your own experiences, I'd really appreciate it?",6.575741742646294,8.04137657359501,7.150950102529053,69.72401589489904,65.60124888492417,10.390727203216054,36.14630953346385,10.494639417387633,4.1766022938702685,4933,242,820,128,77,1621,390,1121,0.233,0.6829999999999999,0.084,-0.9997,1,1,1,0,21,0,243.0,0,1,15,6,45,46,6,2,41,0,83,6,2,15,15,185,151,89,0,13,29,3,5,5,5,2,1,1,0,5,79,52,1,4,48,1,0,18,20,27,0,8,34,19,121,19,131,106,28,89,0,3,10,2,47,33,0,25,37,592,200,14,0.05471547263692854,0.7131177672790979,0.017798136163941897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029170629133063977,0.015175885466349981,0.2766595614637357,0.2881029153634233,0.012402799222205382,0.0,0.0,0.020604303313212016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01705052695655026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045685134185016456,0.04447205902508738,0.0,0.015519612409681444,0.2671309369702183,0.01914017095201797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020859974776139132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855422472944477,0.01912271068479648,0.0,0.02045601837112936,0.029123901774705214,0.020180543255946416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.015960626275213188,0.0,0.0,0.017866777595400972,0.0,0.0,0.015235918817351302,0.12309508443053055,0.0,0.01884523653390929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017427659628217483,0.0,0.08920371885826195,0.0,0.0,0.027665786981234987,0.013029581528163373,0.017511811421124877,0.0,0.0,0.031027302049039505,0.0,0.0,0.07045506405282112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.010365354672709406,0.015297580829946474,0.0,0.0,0.0401835078576708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01633810542286551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02161269950649656,0.0,0.019269966976273145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.019524681703384627,0.020589036205624328,0.0,0.0,0.018098887952074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02004679521868468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01288238548407597,0.04455202690854397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01531573885703471,0.0,0.0,0.06202285092279861,0.016460950096501968,0.0,0.012174334285919292,0.018490967106943854,0.03664603101544594,0.05960119009206374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.013407389343704385,0.054094439550728166,0.05626659413265607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0370766203063446,0.02774238834267323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059251524881909226,0.03482140654448422,0.11379845821784765,0.015925146744134144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235531782755305,0.0,0.018334720838353743,0.020431283859177668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035052132840966206,0.05625661871986175,0.0,0.07832525455740301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.014503979986383538,0.0,0.0,0.058134863540678615,0.016603637106407842,0.01902672365383232,0.020604303313212016,0.0,0.0,0.10250413955390704,0.0,0.0,0.04636024240684965,0.0,0.018038333836311652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.015248195040385118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01371307533279434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0363505287640262,0.17529732775895496,0.053757674060153963,0.05791729799482598,0.01063501070158942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.012382738100840816,0.0,0.01781635543238411,0.018986912219941587,0.0,0.031504400465642415,0.0,0.030097330128880755,0.0,0.08686119076715608,0.014629817254303996,0.0,0.0,0.05072179130529595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01758125436526826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881029153634233,0.023489980307296827 ptsd,PM_MeYourEars,2019/05/09,"Questions about flashbacks I have a few questiona about flashbacks, is it possible to only have one and not have ptsd and never have one again? Is it possible to have them and not know? Dissociation being a type of one or something related? Thank you everyone.",4.214468085106383,7.198184489361707,4.897276595744682,76.69400000000002,76.44680851063829,8.01531914893617,30.676595744680853,8.841846274778883,3.1492331914893614,209,10,34,5,5,67,31,47,0.0,0.934,0.066,0.466,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,1,9,10,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,5,9,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,32,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24141673691479765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884916249621018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19485831492286956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5136040570642099,0.19215078245696485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5696470779603404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953329044167067,0.0,0.2830244556920545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450137462935396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23260505276721416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cincystudent,2019/05/09,"How do I even talk about it? Hey folks, just found this sub today. Ive never had a problem discussing mental health with others, but when it comes to my PTSD its so different. Ive tried to comment on 3 sepreate posts here so far today and after typing 2 paragraphs I just feel useless, unhelpful, and like a waste of space. Even typing this post right now I feel the same way. But I want to be able to talk openly about it with other people who understand, its just so hard to open up my defenses. Sorry for the wandering post, I'm not even sure what I want out of it. I guess like my title says, does anyone else feel this way or felt this way at first?",4.835970149253728,4.767449126865671,5.296231343283584,86.9247947761194,68.92537313432835,8.192537313432835,24.9589552238806,7.645422480735847,1.027988059701492,509,11,110,5,8,163,89,134,0.102,0.8029999999999999,0.095,-0.4354,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,15,6,1,0,4,0,5,1,0,1,2,30,16,10,0,3,7,0,5,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,14,8,0,1,6,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,3,6,11,3,17,12,1,23,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,2,9,71,25,2,0.1415240286908012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895689145817647,0.14500809192967684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191041932322046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786248812785102,0.0,0.0,0.1238486312209196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822516600444655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804258586161126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467640368201804,0.0,0.13588526147456664,0.0,0.0,0.12038026650681193,0.0,0.15517379265522172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590467316299347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677773155476946,0.0,0.0,0.15043342453638367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382829835270245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426229341135346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915205560596652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981149419571548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.406622695892785,0.0,0.0,0.13541938221953315,0.165434016084579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086074722778893,0.0,0.11254558797350322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842456337646588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333847221729975,0.0,0.0,0.2275033068534775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26829646245710564,0.0,0.0,0.09608552559982678,0.0,0.0,0.14733150498006434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166949077765962,0.3370055597203615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SCG_YT,2019/05/09,"EMDR Therapy... So I have another appointment with my psychiatrist today.. and he still wants me to try EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing Therapy). I have tried this once already with him and it completely broke me... it made me feel so bad it made me violently sick, bringing up the past in the way I had to in the EMDR therapy with so so so hard.. But I am willing to try it again.. has anybody tried this and knows if it is effective or not??",4.016850649350648,5.765965295454548,6.074220779220783,73.90454545454547,72.18181818181819,10.028571428571428,30.75324675324676,10.290406445055957,3.4770564935064936,358,16,68,11,7,125,55,88,0.155,0.813,0.032,-0.9177,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,1,0,3,0,7,2,1,3,0,17,13,12,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,3,10,0,9,9,0,10,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,2,4,51,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19280060578785635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18320225659299028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587840965086024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831836989871338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834035575374725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565089089687342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601792762351072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306361287285985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606409248412986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667837306095105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952636455825365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.599400073716737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560789542598836,0.0,0.0,0.47447578040373994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10305050301045587,0.13867938220534468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,preciousavocado,2019/05/09,"i’m in shock rn tbh was smoking pot right after, a bad idea since i just recently quit smoking pot after going 7 months straight smoking almost every day to cope with trauma..? seeking honest advice cause i don’t want to go back to that, i worked so hard to stop relying on it to ignore all the complex trauma i’ve experienced... before tonight i was 1 month clean!!! Now I feel guilty but also relaxed, and it’s kinda helped me stop visualizing what happened but at the same time i’m hearing noises right now in my head from events that transpired only 3-4 hours ago. I don’t know what to do, please tell me some of your experiences or coping strategies... and thanks so much",6.945413533834586,6.205584142857141,7.168872180451128,77.50639097744363,64.71428571428572,9.10375939849624,31.781954887218053,7.957251820313856,2.1792436090225564,533,17,102,5,7,173,98,133,0.11699999999999999,0.747,0.136,0.6824,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,2,7,8,0,0,3,0,5,1,1,1,1,21,15,8,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,6,3,0,3,4,1,0,2,2,5,0,0,2,4,10,3,15,13,4,25,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,4,16,55,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16961965505936136,0.15386755090245793,0.0,0.17381456681103155,0.0,0.0,0.13881128060833667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347174528050948,0.14493144118942616,0.0,0.0,0.14770317522504772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17831372631584433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119442701838214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14624802254835573,0.0,0.0,0.16979383465824846,0.0,0.0,0.0877668950821449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729820011972704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534955764250122,0.0,0.15549293271096193,0.0,0.17814241005459364,0.0,0.19563645419992665,0.0,0.11634652671051016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094061742553074,0.0,0.0,0.19594986924397054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539462805910401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770986367417748,0.0,0.12760073674960126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201485766432533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905379150958812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462292140509745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138858972621512,0.0,0.0,0.2964714986711744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14358656700238587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902400864741616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171593400025102,0.15980847197405526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012154690278997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238155154245332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636777688215872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LikelyBreathing,2019/05/09,"Coping mechanisms? Right now I'm getting constant nightmares (3-5 per night sometimes - I didn't even know it was possible to dream this much in one night) I'm sleep deprived right now (no quality sleep for the past 2 weeks) I just really need to stop these nightmares, they're exhausting me and tearing me down. Counselling hasn't stopped any of these. But I know I'm gonna be bed bound daily (almost am atm) if I can't stop this. Has anyone overcome this?",2.014666666666667,4.561787800000001,2.7355555555555564,91.48000000000002,82.1111111111111,5.822222222222222,24.555555555555557,7.1686216300943375,1.1063555555555555,362,14,72,5,10,113,67,90,0.129,0.828,0.043,-0.8032,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,7,3,2,0,0,12,15,3,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,4,2,1,1,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,6,0,6,11,1,14,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,10,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908152481131895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958525272252802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13324184213726128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592435403182016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258610607587173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955813546987942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945021991802448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008127563193182,0.14129555543224745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576495563864521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912631324636728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819081598588728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148243165631444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207565435518833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32546916875461124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813891130802961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846568480176806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779423997285402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15285328192600414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AgentC27,2019/05/09,"I made a cannon and nearly killed myself as a teen I don't know if this is ptsd, but I just had a panic attack because of this memory. When I was 14 (I'm still a teen), I was really into rockets and black powder experiments. One day I decided to make a cannon. My dad happily took me to the hardware store to buy a metal pipe to do it in, just going along with it and not even questioning safety. It makes me feel so bad that he let me do this, and I feel like it's my fault for being so stupid. Anyway I start the experiment and not.much happens, just a ""woosh"" out the cannon. But then it happened. I put extra black powder and it went BOOM. Loudest sound I've ever heard. I had no safety goggles (like that would help), no blast shield, nothing. All the neighbors heard it and looked over. Now this scared the ever living shit out of me. Here's the trauma. My dad was on a ladder, and he comes running, yelling my name, making sure I'm ok. I just feel so guilty. What if I had died? I can't imagine what that would be like for my parents. I just can't bear that I almost put them through that. Kids have DIED doing the exact same thing but they weren't lucky and theirs exploded into shrapnel. I just can't deal with the fact that I did that to my dad. Wtf am I supposed to do about it? It was 2 years ago and I can't let go. On of my biggest fears is losing someone I love and I can't imagine what that would be like for my dad. I just can't stop the feelings of guilt and regret.",1.1437931034482745,2.888745121019109,2.91301339775972,93.46283439490446,80.27388535031847,5.350142763013399,19.426312321546234,6.129581340695534,-0.14319446518778856,1144,27,258,8,29,380,161,314,0.25,0.6659999999999999,0.084,-0.9966,1,0,0,0,1,0,41.0,0,0,3,1,19,21,4,4,17,1,32,2,1,4,6,61,55,23,3,6,13,5,4,4,1,3,0,5,1,1,25,20,0,1,9,0,2,8,11,13,0,1,14,12,38,8,28,33,3,29,0,2,3,1,19,10,1,5,15,183,63,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480836371528224,0.0,0.1183954656488512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450959977171675,0.0,0.0,0.09872144654847276,0.07207507556230858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184914856169608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625191742153319,0.12189529115810452,0.0,0.0,0.24541892452368602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809322914669457,0.2139010003304156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313134104637253,0.0,0.13304746222649005,0.2391330623767929,0.08446724471721623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343915685746355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091099794372901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925055683907788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080972183526215,0.0,0.06497896935033964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418069887923073,0.0,0.2310549698866615,0.0,0.10440384061602627,0.0,0.09928778290122743,0.13227493634427115,0.0,0.0,0.10671187689902008,0.11187699738225733,0.2367687261118568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691647036137072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344985544793358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011922598163862,0.0,0.0,0.1387235224983474,0.13128618841233766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821061214369054,0.23771804927542736,0.13245047432182053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757444915156741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837405338698152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136672539905027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018029440839653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836874773793668,0.0,0.09442277698123464,0.09884991464907032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143526910886932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855020777335255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136364863678954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10960520743815258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519726639751925,0.0,0.0,0.07613958708997429 ptsd,uhtcear3,2019/05/09,"I'm confused I (18 F) was recently diagnosed with PTSD from a sexually abusive relationship that occurred when I was 14-15. I had moved on since then, but once I started dating my best friend (18 M), I've had more nightmares and flashbacks then I ever did when I was single (15-17). I understand that it's a similar situation, but we are incredibly healthy and loving, he helps me with my mental health daily. He's supported me and cared for me for ten months, we've known each other our whole lives, we balance each other. I feel awful when I get flashbacks in the middle of being with him, and he feels terrible for triggering me. Since this is all so new to me, how do I identify triggers? Why can't my brain recognize the vast difference from this relationship and my abusive one??",7.219868421052634,6.5482070394736835,7.967368421052632,71.78157894736844,64.13157894736842,11.547368421052632,36.10526315789474,10.9516,3.934365789473685,618,26,116,15,8,208,100,152,0.10800000000000001,0.7120000000000001,0.18,0.9352,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,3,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,4,1,11,4,1,3,2,24,20,14,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,12,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,2,6,2,23,5,12,13,7,16,0,0,0,1,12,4,0,1,11,81,30,0,0.0,0.3833910535812062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978936105853396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806119318962304,0.0,0.0,0.16495640444812673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421415783217552,0.0,0.16903684919261006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463489535156986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16361248136188145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499909576414064,0.0,0.0845289646291832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719759515672242,0.0,0.0,0.10844489778934642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428641548526932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14602242614801794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304697499957788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913979552564692,0.171957912666548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562584690959958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723018183701607,0.10963356749887344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189124673757938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974880059260624,0.34740533298753995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26766988276737697,0.1818595288865771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451629228400095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18359817240720036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842982763215433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599094448319552,0.18063354197058998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jojobeans206,2019/05/09,"Need Help Hello all, My boyfriend was recently diagnosed with PTSD and I am lost in the dark. He has started a EMDR therapy and goes in and out of episodes more frequently. I am very inexperienced with this condition and just need guidance. Thanks!",3.1486666666666667,6.2562330888888935,3.855000000000004,80.78250000000001,84.77777777777777,8.333333333333334,29.722222222222207,8.841846274778883,3.29788888888889,199,10,35,6,6,63,37,45,0.049,0.826,0.125,0.5562,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,1,11,9,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,1,6,7,2,6,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125031065482177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063729942402965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33609963661275005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565948756972058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35990835902635904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30400543480277004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21792698974047947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834648682578423,0.35210044227562753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25404250091410896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RobboRogue,2019/09/06,"Tired of feeling tired I’m tired of the sleepless nights And all the reoccurring nightmares that keep me up. I’m tired of trying to be “normal” When all I want to do is find a place to hide and cry. I’m tired of feeling scared of things that I know I logically shouldn’t be scared about. I’m tired of having to explain. I’m tired of people thinking that I’m just using my illness as an excuse when I try to explain my triggers and they can’t understand them. I’m tired of trying to be happy but my heart tightening in fear anytime someone is nice to me because it thinks that person is just being nice so they can physically and emotionally break me. I’m tired of my brain being filled with a million thoughts making a million different connections because it’s always feeling in danger. Im tired of trying therapy and medication and still feeling this way. I don’t know what to do anymore. All I know is I’m tired of being tired.",3.9489133738601834,5.296361292553197,5.150334346504561,82.05500000000002,71.71276595744679,7.499088145896658,28.854103343465045,7.957251820313856,1.8955231003039503,745,29,144,10,14,247,91,188,0.24,0.6709999999999999,0.08800000000000001,-0.9834,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,0,7,7,1,3,6,0,17,16,2,3,3,35,43,11,0,3,3,0,4,0,0,1,14,0,0,1,9,7,0,1,15,0,0,1,3,4,0,2,1,4,16,3,25,35,3,11,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,91,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05407134233160012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444600904771047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922647851647839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254289569521201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138114463023694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06789375646937935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309750793277524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312432089402694,0.13143011145785222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0593935930103213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06917597090507714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700556757080299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019315546948543,0.0,0.0,0.057760175987030274,0.0,0.0,0.10713942813990786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04337688224472381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06546387572550126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060982459954340484,0.0636698732749365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045051263911415514,0.056740943597154724,0.06789375646937935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011931412357114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05506017080661861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051895777101911685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07431410954471382,0.0,0.043172041791620826,0.0832773972461008,0.0,0.051589511098767256,0.0,0.8962654413523187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647768160552638,0.0,0.0,0.06764994587900161,0.0,0.05612473902451261,0.0,0.0,0.03832885599364773,0.05158074841514716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,claranoa,2019/09/06,"Need help *TW* Hi, im sorry for my english. I really need help with dealing with sensorial flashbacks. Something triggered me and I've been curled up in my bed for two hours feeling really unconfortable and disgusting and dirty and I cant make it stop. I held ice in my hand and took a hot shower but it doesnt seem to work. My partner offerd me to come over but I dont want anyone to speak to me or touch me.. I usually dissociate when Im triggered but right now Im grounded and it feels AWFUL Im begging for my mind to dissociate but I cant help feeling like I deserve this cause I got involved in something s*xual and my mind and body are punishing me. I feel like I need to get out of this body and I cant sleep or dissociate or anything and its getting so frustrating please if anyone has some advice to make it stop or can help me get away from this feeling please help me Im so sorry I dont feel like I can explain this to anyone and my therapist is on vacations",-0.0553781512605056,2.274106431372552,2.5220168067226894,89.95764705882355,92.52941176470587,5.659383753501401,21.501400560224084,7.1686216300943375,0.9020929971988793,768,29,163,14,28,264,101,204,0.14400000000000002,0.71,0.146,-0.3839,1,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,3,0,1,1,12,4,4,5,0,47,33,23,0,5,9,0,9,3,1,0,0,1,2,1,9,15,0,3,8,0,0,2,6,3,0,1,4,10,27,3,23,29,1,18,0,0,0,0,11,10,0,7,9,98,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063074466429906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19455139528283852,0.0,0.07632241500332047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713833042869913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604076626338114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527613880723476,0.0,0.0798928429991244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956175038903519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173962664529498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28137231108214755,0.1987742190109713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536855582850186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741777980819704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108299079840729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133655793150294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5009103357295529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593367269639248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381793354511053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729492432425596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063109231729842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20361547281627534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118831484684323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920495029572444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443287277835332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281341719845253,0.0,0.0,0.14280147650682887,0.0,0.20764408553929115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15508034820244174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768576159174684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304470390318206,0.0,0.0,0.09059979219949724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214709705141063,0.0,0.05470425142022334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752051061767535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Heyheyheywhatisay,2019/09/06,"Random triggers all day? I’ve had PTSD for at least 20 years but am only now in therapy for it the last few months. I still don’t understand my triggers yet. Sometimes it seems like everything is fine and all the sudden I have anxiety/hot flashes for no reason. It’s exhausting. This might happen 4 or 5 times a day. At work I have to lock myself in an office, and then I use IFS therapy to help me cope. I’ve improved but this is still very distressing. What do you guys do to cope? Thank you.",0.6441176470588239,2.969540372549023,2.532843137254904,92.04279411764708,86.45098039215686,6.1450980392156875,20.264705882352946,7.492282038375204,0.7391411764705884,386,12,83,7,12,128,73,102,0.092,0.754,0.154,0.7731,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,4,5,0,1,4,0,10,1,0,4,2,16,15,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,9,3,10,13,4,16,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,5,13,55,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601474720814857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126648457770805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970537993466125,0.17835431021653342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518894160236625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16440473867934333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853582762317603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139618281822913,0.0,0.0,0.16098749348052124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533947715330892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357654901007265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207371503591455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836115253738341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994771368262084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32214070897114744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18568958434847985,0.4613015022066557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760739678731437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20996700256097087,0.0,0.17419590022394232,0.0,0.16641584790211172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683314141254689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988211822455356 ptsd,Weaver_Vislae,2019/09/06,"It's time I felt empowered. I signed up for a kickboxing class! My husband agreed to go with me in case the physical contact triggers me, but I'm taking a step to get out of my comfort zone, interact with others, and exercise. What hobbies helped you all take the first steps towards escaping the helpless feeling?",5.982457627118645,7.207560084745765,6.3625000000000025,75.71798728813562,66.79661016949153,9.967796610169492,38.478813559322035,10.125756701596842,4.253403389830508,251,14,43,6,4,81,50,59,0.067,0.7979999999999999,0.135,0.2828,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,10,7,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,1,2,7,1,10,6,1,9,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,29,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21467456323505324,0.0,0.4076522895409915,0.0,0.0,0.36113770341636026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22181948970439472,0.0,0.2412920321387849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845792799451033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6384452666407964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475692752473341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Cthothlu,2019/09/06,"My brain hates me! Hi alifyll, my name is Cthothlu. I've been suffering from PTSD for most of my life. In fact, I think I compounded my issues badly with a series of bad decisions pertaining to living arrangements and not cutting people out of my life. My stuff is centered around being sexually abused as a child, isolation from my peers, failed relationships, and guns waved in my face while working as a convenience store/gas station clerk. I recently had a very emotionally disturbing breakup, and I've struggled to keep myself afloat in the sea of despair I am adrift on. To talk about it requires a bit of backstory. My girlfriend met a seemingly cool person back in late March/early April.. They went on to debase and terrorize me by referring to me as a parasite, blaming me for my puppy dying, and reinforcing that by saying I'd have a body count soon enough when I adopted a new, fully grown dog, and when I tried putting my anxiety towards this person aside for my girlfriend's sake? She labeled me a collapsed narcissist, which is not based in psychology theory, let alone sound research, and exists solely in the mind of relationship bloggers with an axe to grind for exes they choose to vilify with personality disorders as if that is any way acceptable in the first place. And about two weeks ago, my ex wanted to supplant me as the primary partner in her life with this person, and even went so far as to give them my home address, so I asked them to leave my home since they had other places to live. And the reality of the indignities thrust me, and the practically toxic bullshit heaped on me by my ex by not ever coming to my defense in a meaningful way has left me riddled with increased depression, hopelessness, and no meager amount of self-loathing. I just wanted a good relationship, but I'm continuously undervalued by my partners, and it really messed with me when stuff fell apart in my most recent breakup. I just don't feel good. It's getting harder to not see patterns where they might not exist, and generally I'm terrified of other humans once again. I had this really unfortunate MH clinic office manager tell me how people with PTSD as severe as mine live solitary lives, and that's distressing like woah.",10.469946452476577,8.34801890361446,10.035401606425703,64.17818942436415,58.759036144578324,13.559571619812589,40.64591700133869,12.161744961471696,4.940539491298528,1795,73,307,45,18,585,242,415,0.14400000000000002,0.8140000000000001,0.042,-0.9892,0,2,0,1,1,1,43.0,0,0,6,4,17,20,3,4,20,1,15,7,3,1,2,56,32,32,1,3,9,2,1,1,4,1,4,2,3,8,14,25,0,3,8,0,0,7,7,15,0,2,7,5,50,5,66,22,6,49,0,5,1,0,31,23,0,5,18,208,64,5,0.0,0.10675095123414076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986610724703926,0.0,0.0,0.09331396615090057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612694737078453,0.0,0.06892443553672545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020598691508263,0.0842291158917516,0.0,0.0,0.06927951124522898,0.1504555048496293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836327002080776,0.10007814889607654,0.0,0.10057874514317344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761112504480384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776009512875307,0.0,0.09350710883965332,0.0,0.1032596824736264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134769987486107,0.0,0.09309492991431102,0.0,0.0595086307352406,0.08149845883982157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04555606568284082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663699270869005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707228975071045,0.08642985045535652,0.0,0.15113922424479656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889527504535133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18075052540203354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094038511064747,0.0,0.08008290769688424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163404393089533,0.09540037444816887,0.09789133179240077,0.09213092455308557,0.19091584840730166,0.0440171479421704,0.0,0.3182314096342113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557934075607248,0.09097291601042544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701684642130017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595102879202108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249246958754412,0.3146790792150897,0.18826568096859406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21063860136454784,0.09057299696789337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543768967134845,0.0,0.17792106792770235,0.2901933893382685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164924663489204,0.0,0.0,0.07179614112509658,0.08202149280336178,0.09399147110015303,0.10178466953307977,0.0,0.07452968538321972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418959860212224,0.2062804469804713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241705710772052,0.07874929434361468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05773091929631378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061170372341615376,0.0,0.08801228667636082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433997535436616,0.10628382563639333,0.14303060001735352,0.07227087914221476,0.0,0.0,0.1670427996733067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559214312469566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,18and23,2019/09/06,"Hand Tremors? I’ve had a consistent mild tremor in my hands for the past couple years, and it gets far worse when I’m triggered or hyperaroused. Do any of you struggle with this, and/or do you know of ways to stop it? It’s affecting my ability to perform any action that requires fine motor skills.",3.697241379310345,5.776232862068966,3.785724137931037,88.58168965517244,73.82758620689657,7.398620689655173,27.11724137931035,8.238735603445708,1.7617613793103448,238,9,47,4,5,73,49,58,0.126,0.759,0.115,-0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,3,1,2,0,1,2,0,3,2,2,2,0,8,6,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,1,7,5,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,24,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682795234896005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3809678367902943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988557825007545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189221472191784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286788605489753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878550793116191,0.0,0.3599431958677884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27329393075879177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508770415455432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172165710357145 ptsd,BrighterLater,2019/09/06,"What Different Forms of Healing/Therapy Have You Tried? What Did and Didn't Help? The title says it all. There are a lot of different ideas of how the body and mind responds to trauma and what to do about it afterward. Some people find relief with certain methods of therapy (somatic, cognitive-behavioral, traditional talk, EMDR, even psychedelic) and others still are searching for something that works for them. What has worked for you and why is it that you, personally, feel it ""went right"" for you? Or if something you tried didn't seem to work, do you have an opinion on why?",6.625485175202157,7.817123839622643,6.4572237196765485,75.73858490566037,65.32075471698113,10.208086253369274,33.06738544474393,10.290406445055957,3.4909423180592998,461,19,81,11,7,145,70,106,0.047,0.8959999999999999,0.057,0.2737,2,0,3,0,0,0,20.0,0,6,1,3,5,3,0,0,4,0,11,1,1,1,2,19,14,8,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,11,6,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,2,7,2,14,10,4,5,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,6,2,62,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191505535058311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36025766228397266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387333094433845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717426161432544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757705925576732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556091334765092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946267456400179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465744378447732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408212630394002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11952544581168335,0.15053931877607135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723480853551282,0.0,0.1371051269901917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569530415865336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654549743869538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376846142662382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857437834070466,0.0,0.0,0.3943253219663602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341063461747625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598232035761054,0.31114136725428604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765434893613008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,juiceepeach,2019/09/06,people dont believe me and it really hurts I'm sorry that I have made a few posts in the last couple of days but this forum seems more helpful than most. I feel like my mental health is deteriorating because people are not believing me that I cannot get health insurance and that no one will help me. I have no support with this from family and friends only food and shelter. I have been reaching out for help and people are telling me they dont believe my situation. Imagine how I must feel when I am asking questions desperate for help where no where else to go? Some people seem to think that anyone can get insurance if they want it. That is so wrong! What about all the sick and homeless people on the street?,4.6604255319148935,5.870417773049649,5.223893617021278,82.72350000000002,69.85106382978725,7.909503546099291,26.86595744680851,8.238735603445708,1.6618817021276595,570,18,111,8,10,183,92,141,0.14800000000000002,0.67,0.182,0.7713,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,6,5,0,0,4,0,15,4,0,2,2,25,28,11,0,3,3,0,2,1,1,2,3,0,0,0,10,8,1,0,7,0,0,1,7,2,0,1,2,2,15,3,12,24,5,11,0,1,0,0,10,6,0,6,4,79,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08477603951696555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133459919889286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390870761405162,0.0,0.0,0.4097985825709371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341532552072821,0.0,0.07819181077162918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28419217115656065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128310618294628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429726492922472,0.0,0.12260837363104846,0.08661614079575057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660771552318078,0.0,0.0936721679753438,0.0,0.1266890984310342,0.0,0.06890528431697394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577516281129134,0.0,0.0,0.3250669493149028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297933149853785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882936100757317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923328584429926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147232135901826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218459290978008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215750592202907,0.09221088987030916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202737209100795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611743668562025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358200918087298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767147565412362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22075044639332916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362823965536824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357217961008572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758530604208674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597186960001356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768772409392302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151235960150358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256036708253344,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KatIsACat02,2019/09/06,Sometimes I find myself afraid to go to sleep because of nightmares Does anyone else experience this?,6.092941176470588,9.771720941176472,5.0779411764705875,73.79573529411766,74.88235294117645,5.752941176470588,32.029411764705884,7.1686216300943375,2.6203176470588243,84,4,11,1,2,25,16,17,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558522091054879,0.37491719992093575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22305484218099686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202095925371248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056701706003456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35792939419626585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344343649635798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079546215179284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3661734390081969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3618935390238523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Not_My_Name46,2019/09/06,"Learning about ptsd because of my girlfriend Hello, i‘ve been together with my girlfriend, who suffers of ptsd for the last several years of her life, for a little over a year now and I love her deeply and care very much for her and her well being. I’ve always been interested in the human psychology and what makes us do what we do, but to understand my girlfriend and her suffering I started reading and researching several books and studies regarding ptsd and the symptoms following but it always hurts me when get to the deeper end of the spectrum, because I always imagine her in these examples. But I still feel like i haven’t gotten to the point where i fully understand every aspect of the illness and what the best thing is that in can do in my Position. Do any of you know a way to learn more about it without always associating everything with my girlfriend ? Or any other helpful tips in my situation? I’d be thankful for any help Sorry for my English if anything is spelled weird, I’m no native.",7.2015040456925234,7.399925732984297,7.49176582579724,72.27687767729654,63.92146596858639,10.296239885768685,36.73536411232746,10.018931242160765,3.781917277486912,809,37,139,16,11,264,114,191,0.095,0.764,0.141,0.8945,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,2,1,0,1,7,11,0,0,11,0,12,4,0,1,0,26,25,15,0,1,6,0,1,1,4,0,3,0,0,1,10,12,0,0,7,2,0,1,3,4,1,0,3,1,23,7,26,20,3,19,0,3,0,1,19,9,0,2,9,105,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4092280620532707,0.0,0.0,0.2508374305897917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118010970577344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990241072513474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290319283746297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12535910866847172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089001509670583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359347876779908,0.0,0.11050251992382422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0621688951671234,0.08783787954182933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423803730467109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648260432445473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162407678615615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757193160088977,0.10022336977411336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684556920848235,0.060068783705421784,0.12323153207869675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097017571863756,0.0,0.08207229880691938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038484064873226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623063361532715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311775697735847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298659734828675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778045186727257,0.0,0.0,0.13820468820450446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376361803652731,0.08702699587062665,0.0,0.09819068371709573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779558207249034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319890183735574,0.0,0.0,0.08168472538059601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559974938322677,0.14789771044878158,0.0,0.0,0.10144936937065037,0.0,0.09759462592836343,0.0,0.0,0.11054980476548774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852261715333663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583558195029094 ptsd,Sue-uh-side-all,2019/09/06,"I'm gonna talk to my therapist about it, I think something is still affecting me so much and it's hard to deal with Long story but I was in a room once where a gun went off right next me. Nobody was hurt but I didn't know that didn't know what was happening at all. It was over a year ago now and it still replays in my head so many times in just a day. And it's like I remember every tiny detail with all my senses even. I don't have any other memory so vivid. It just replays all the time, whether I'm at home, work, alone, with people, it doesn't matter. I always think about how I didn't know what was happening and didn't even feel in control of my body when I reacted. It feels like I'm still so scared about it even though it already happened so it doesn't make sense to be scared of it.",2.602758620689656,3.1098871494252904,3.831666666666667,93.4175,74.0574712643678,7.409195402298851,21.97126436781609,7.492282038375204,0.44031954022988495,620,13,152,7,12,203,95,174,0.134,0.8270000000000001,0.038,-0.9454,0,1,1,1,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,21,5,0,2,5,0,15,2,2,5,3,29,31,15,0,0,5,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,16,7,0,1,8,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,10,4,14,2,19,19,4,24,0,1,1,0,2,11,0,0,14,98,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979721157686635,0.0,0.0,0.13996867171049446,0.14913502562209738,0.0,0.11245083099986017,0.0,0.0,0.09190271515648578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15011478073471354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15157575285359326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715685237968468,0.1393277737334042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677844810235262,0.0,0.113864848027836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13666597327289215,0.09654706960402476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585228062170938,0.0,0.12106269092754493,0.0,0.13869697582729335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556068826066325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467470036075808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228152142644599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204929517167366,0.0,0.0,0.11959839661754135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020982731829892,0.1370150441486578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993465637692932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437274287631666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439242013093341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369199738679332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530920752319488,0.11541243960962395,0.0,0.0,0.270605913805403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404063585656452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237790856774976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862381817700544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569128748912899,0.0,0.17318993980951494,0.13277852625882336,0.0,0.15760738228261964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528006124648744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838661377828158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702845746901879 ptsd,OPseDoPSeRS,2019/09/06,"I'm coming to terms with my regrets It's been over 14 years now since it first happened, and 6 years since it stopped. A childhood lost; and years past, and even darkness has faded, but is still sharp enough to cut deep into the burrows of my memories. Regrets tie me to my past and will do so for years to come, but I'm coming to terms despite my doubts. You can too, oh reader mine. And to the one I know will read this, regrets tie you too. But it is not eternal. I know you too will learn to set aside your doubts.",2.014444444444443,3.5108152592592603,2.638148148148151,97.52166666666668,76.96296296296295,5.170370370370371,22.185185185185183,5.033348758259628,-0.1842481481481486,400,11,93,1,9,124,66,108,0.138,0.82,0.042,-0.8332,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,4,0,2,7,7,1,2,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,23,18,9,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,1,3,1,0,3,1,7,0,2,2,1,12,0,12,13,3,22,0,4,0,0,4,3,0,2,15,60,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4892381458806647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19561452852657013,0.0,0.12504174776489493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103249887188598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16741193564171322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20808676973173715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2066612986350316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828574456174496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614479983615413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936770901903466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132090927162503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511883833151521,0.15827705204649764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.487654417565126 ptsd,throwawaysujgsetu,2019/09/06,"Coming to terms When I was very little around 9ish I had some younger kids in the family that I did sexual stuff with and it still traumatizes me to this day that I did that and I’m so sick and disgusted with myself and I’ve never told anyone and I doubt the kids even remember it but I feel like a absolute piece of shit and I hate myself for it but I just felt like I had to tell anybody and just get it off of my chest Does anyone have any tips to help move on and come to terms?",1.404190476190475,2.8866056095238117,3.0076190476190483,94.27904761904765,78.61904761904762,6.9523809523809526,17.38095238095238,7.793537801064563,0.08852380952380923,379,6,91,6,9,125,67,105,0.163,0.747,0.08900000000000001,-0.8075,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,3,1,3,0,6,3,2,0,1,23,14,12,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,9,13,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,7,2,13,2,14,7,4,14,0,0,0,0,5,5,1,2,8,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369310237008365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29549556388494125,0.0,0.0,0.1881042285990262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640371839751048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627278029733447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849124430837197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395634604096088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199197408508384,0.0,0.10684100929211182,0.15095471262759164,0.2028837576211172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039695529614088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20861769986740594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416317659380365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646368126003745,0.2117808468126654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245813619123946,0.0,0.0,0.162969691879001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23936480223566603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21689921598012396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874663323540695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418910722674941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846878996814353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019088138220416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434688177216429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,add_revenue,2019/09/06,"Dealing with Symptoms Something I've always struggled with (even before PTSD) is being very jumpy. Someone starts talking to loud I flinch, loud noises make me jump, etc. etc. But after everything that happened to me it's all different now. In my neighborhood it isn't uncommon for there to be fireworks, parties, yelling, and even the occasional gunshot, but I'm used to it and if I'm inside my house I know I'm okay. But the other day I was walking to my car to head to my therapists office (she's only 5 minutes away from the house by car) when all of a sudden one of my nextdoor neighbors shot off a firecracker in very close proximity to me and my car. I dropped to my knees and spent a good 5 minutes just watching the neighbor's before I got off the ggroundand into my car. I was on autopilot and I was definitely speeding, something I never do normally. My therapist is very nice and I feel safe with her. All I could think about was getting off the street and into the office. When I finally got to the office I ignored the receptionist completely, went up the elevator and ran down the hall, straight into her waiting room. I was shaking like crazy and even though I made it I was still shaking and unsettled. I made myself a cup of hot chocolate with the Keurig she had there but once I finally felt safe enough to sit I just zoned out. It was like I was in a dream, but still awake? I don't know how to explain but when my therapist finally came out to get me I was just sitting there, not moving or anything. She said it took almost a full minute to get me to respond to her and when if finally said something I couldn't really think right. I'm not sure how long I sat there before she came in either. I told her what happened, of course, and she said it was a common response for people with PTSD during or after triggering situations which I didn't realize was the reason it kept happening. This definitely wasn't the first time. It happened a lot when I was still in high school, I know I did it in my classes and at lunch before. I've done it in front of my boyfriend and some of my other friends too. I guess I thought I was just being an airhead, or at least that's how people made me feel when it happened. My reasoning for writing this here is to ask for help. I just don't know how to deal with these weird spacing out things. They've been happening a lot more frequently as of late and it's getting harder and harder to say ""oh sorry I just spaced out"" when I space for (as I'm told) long ass periods of time. Plus I hate how I feel afterwards, everything gets jumbled in my head. I have another appointment with my therapist in three days. Anyone have any advice until then?",3.604650380598336,5.146514156133833,4.627275624004252,84.70247831474599,72.86617100371748,7.800389449460082,28.05115949725615,8.418075326091056,1.9552096300230133,2128,82,425,36,42,694,241,538,0.06,0.851,0.08900000000000001,0.9578,1,0,3,1,1,0,52.0,0,0,0,1,33,15,1,3,24,1,33,6,4,13,5,100,86,45,0,5,20,0,5,2,3,0,1,7,3,0,23,34,1,5,15,1,1,15,9,6,0,3,39,13,69,9,73,42,13,89,0,0,1,1,26,36,1,11,37,301,92,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457982043157902,0.0,0.0,0.0661769622696188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05498999223380949,0.0,0.0,0.04494168293631768,0.06929837757886359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04620983095974373,0.0,0.05438428067733244,0.0,0.06178277682722697,0.0,0.062091266629630874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22494196276650646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117270797553595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929135794929396,0.0,0.0,0.05276539335910195,0.0,0.0,0.08524178243712756,0.1362663686418358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690472435117155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763033223526736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828592723250303,0.14740979065531934,0.1309502686719738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879014712605836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002472913105244,0.0,0.06345424628980167,0.28958196692609417,0.0,0.056213889545224265,0.0,0.0,0.05105894392373818,0.0,0.1726396354529175,0.0,0.0,0.055430956757026285,0.10571222597557646,0.0,0.0728026970788678,0.0,0.35064509802592897,0.0,0.0,0.06524760317442217,0.1356494310585434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04429697607964792,0.06982494278311709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251192115984288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452795773706345,0.0,0.07454944038948415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457390889338452,0.0,0.0,0.11697049888733757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237025009598094,0.0,0.18760042356425474,0.04411383766165961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024042347195217,0.0,0.0,0.05097065968964913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475159827630607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038090018443133,0.044782517352339235,0.05026242860403735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163333277059144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545052154652796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04233726629388754,0.1358976618251817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056438259294198725,0.18859268959402647,0.05255533514529,0.0,0.06688395427202183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428498126848848,0.0,0.0,0.05599562049856331,0.15263187582207013,0.0,0.07397940846385392,0.04677698594809042,0.0,0.15833239513274622,0.0,0.0,0.06908887607653116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228657118672365,0.0686900896328719,0.0,0.05311853069336313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30693015587114625,0.04390551705337466,0.08469224602805295,0.06493051285497788,0.0524659957074768,0.0770721625678611,0.0,0.0,0.12629864263724586,0.07342550807832089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057078275293322114,0.0,0.16358702301575986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126366104848161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ThotMunky,2019/09/06,"The fate of a family in a 14 year old's hands This happened two years ago, March of 2017, but really, it started way before that. My dad was and still is an angry drunk with diabetes, and the two do not mix well. He was constantly abusive, controlling, stalking, violent and even more things with my mom. He is a big believer in the right to own guns, so needless to say he had a lot. Since I was a few weeks old, he would abuse me with almost the same intensity as my mom. He would hit us, threaten us, scare us half to death, you name it, he probably did it, and I've seen it all. I'm not an only child though, my two sisters are younger than me, but they were never mistreated as much as we were. One night after an argument between my parents, my mom left the house to her friends place. My dad asked me to come downstairs and into the garage. He unlocked the safe over in the small walkway, and took a shotgun out of it, and gave it to me, saying ""If I lash out again, I want you to do what you need to do, to protect family."" This was strange for his behavior, but I accepted. Eventually, he lashed out again on my mom. This one was serious though. Much louder than ever before. I went downstairs a little bit during the confrontation, and I knew he was going to do something by the way he was acting. He told me and my sister (Who was also listening and arguing a little bit) to go back up to our rooms. I did as I was told, but it wasn't long before I had enough. Something snapped in me, and I picked up the gun. I contemplated going down to say something, and I made the dumb decision of doing so. Once he saw that gun he charged at me, I still see the image in my head to this day. I could've blown his leg off, or even killed him. He took the gun away and wrestled with my mom over her gun she had, not knowing what would happen. (I'm leaving out a ton of small details, I know.) He left for Arizona the next day. Skipping over a bit, like him coming back and us having to go to a woman's shelter, skipping school and getting bronchitis, it's been a few years since. My mom lost all her local friends, and I'm currently in the same boat as her. I've started going to EMDR therapy, and that's helping a little bit. I've tried telling the friends I have left about it but I feel like they would leave me. I've been getting less and less sleep recently. Whenever I try to sleep I keep getting the images of my dad coming at me again. I know this all sounds vague, and I'm sorry. I would put more details in, but it's 12 o'clock and I just needed to vent. If you have any questions or anything, I'll get to them as soon as possible. I just wanted to share my experience.",3.4359296338672785,4.137268414855075,4.654248665141116,87.566876430206,72.27898550724638,7.839511823035853,26.845156369183826,8.032893268588372,1.44361884057971,2063,68,454,28,38,682,252,552,0.147,0.792,0.061,-0.9944,2,0,3,6,1,0,80.0,6,4,3,2,20,17,5,1,34,0,35,7,5,3,5,80,79,42,2,11,15,12,2,2,3,5,1,5,1,2,22,33,1,4,8,1,0,13,5,8,1,6,30,10,68,9,69,43,21,81,0,1,3,0,69,36,1,7,32,304,90,1,0.0,0.13951896186495907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219080599507919,0.0,0.058956695432840385,0.0,0.0,0.047083823546076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04003830067510023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048450659599097126,0.0,0.05504193954321486,0.0,0.055316771428824296,0.09054538039895997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029967756972684,0.06633408736960572,0.0,0.0,0.25711323712414325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215166895804916,0.0,0.06362499613058563,0.06603543276684744,0.047008401700160296,0.0,0.0,0.07594143993528943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083556083752184,0.0,0.07777525432982424,0.05325751311567467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575928909756088,0.1110077742634906,0.0,0.02976992203461088,0.042061658303824016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364644055632163,0.0,0.1230429691295394,0.0,0.1673054524042355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412926966491012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060424669841850465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039463934846138735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679360201595879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233248048764592,0.06513854975467934,0.0,0.09707158845652172,0.0,0.0,0.12468423981855885,0.19190972299578984,0.0,0.0,0.057528543906631376,0.17703031840889966,0.0,0.0521041903482334,0.0,0.0,0.06427107485610427,0.05005502204550657,0.0,0.05571073203233292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137353757154207,0.0,0.0,0.08656256965770978,0.08731292818581851,0.04540948324418923,0.0,0.06261623498587787,0.05525196800587615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12356277299231272,0.06270196083581216,0.07979300184559418,0.04477852402547555,0.0,0.0,0.06537581302075647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061513813366229984,0.0,0.0,0.06637484125832782,0.0,0.0,0.0634792399777655,0.0,0.0,0.059187531182940636,0.06595558564453004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0377180400662438,0.0,0.05813382083296827,0.0,0.0,0.05028053796744505,0.0,0.14046378594296102,0.05894603289441747,0.05958655075906871,0.04691725441262385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740713513626542,0.0,0.1178388100721281,0.0,0.0,0.13597890727474665,0.0,0.06590785227244389,0.08334672427458666,0.0,0.0940383125974838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051460992466104485,0.0,0.06733084900189329,0.0,0.039115186130650716,0.0,0.11569248086947916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251877318284986,0.1308287708685744,0.079947080071224,0.0,0.1725424840690301,0.0,0.28328657263872736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06945422426869895,0.0934674614073193,0.047227485630896,0.0,0.05293739031332224,0.05457946212188537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091222486994938,0.0,0.0,0.11374435047435613 ptsd,Chihuahua_enthusiast,2019/09/06,"hello nightmares my old friend I can't do this shit, I haven't been able to really sleep in 2 days. Every time I start to doze off its like a slap in the face with bad thoughts. Anyone else struggling rn so I'm not alone?",-1.0258035714285718,1.0763473125000012,0.6051190476190484,102.9375,96.70833333333334,3.576190476190476,13.107142857142858,5.288315135182226,-1.3759857142857146,173,3,42,1,7,55,42,48,0.2,0.624,0.17600000000000002,-0.5017,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,1,2,0,4,3,3,0,0,3,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,4,2,6,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,5,20,6,0,0.276304380558186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861680092170455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931984472831241,0.2831064900229065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23070261652439916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781934673689429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308168553526385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23279835753048844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347207901660387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134988363667377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28993496799617746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17700766136359353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836224760423378,0.0,0.0,0.27650392427738457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1955696626899261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888533306722147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21935481466439424,0.1611153062844472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,daignault,2019/09/06,"Acting Blonde as a Trigger Reaction Hi everyone, first post here! I suppose this is more of a question to see if anyone else deals with triggers in the same way; When one of my lesser triggers is hit (the kind that don’t send me spiraling or anything like that) it’s almost like half of my brain just...shuts down. You know Elle Woods from Legally Blonde? I become her, but without Harvard. I can’t seem to find anything on anyone having this reaction, and I’m curious/looking for validation that I’m not the only one dealing with triggers like this. TL;DR: I become an airhead when triggered. Anyone else?",3.497359683794464,5.962224269565223,4.289011857707512,82.93320158102766,75.8695652173913,6.2687747035573125,28.715415019762844,7.348242739294969,1.8909130434782613,481,21,83,6,11,154,82,115,0.0,0.9,0.1,0.8317,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,0,0,6,0,5,1,1,5,0,19,11,7,0,1,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,3,9,4,14,10,2,10,0,0,3,0,7,3,0,5,6,55,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15872333245718753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324984153396721,0.32482131069112924,0.26087792386795994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3501202952091695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17694787024144712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268305372578469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264826968393351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146163224090947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487386653711026,0.13482722042523335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506217566807144,0.08711210770105564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23231769012575695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310719027964307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21481887793596527,0.1205528312544925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15180729488842168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756575857597878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631072544756725,0.14430015451991474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581664255404953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279650508520445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,td592002,2019/09/06,"New to the subreddit, not new to ptsd. So I've been suffering for about 2.5 years now, not a lot relative to many of the other survivors, but I got so much better and I'm starting to notice some of my symptoms reappearing... Mostly in the form of depression and intrusive thoughts(nothing dangerous) but I'm honestly so tired of feeling how I have been, i just want to be myself again. On a good note--my best friend brings me back to being me often enough where I notice myself getting bad again, before I wouldn't have noticed and it would have just happened.",4.726944444444441,6.234709472222222,5.299074074074074,81.11583333333336,70.01851851851852,8.733333333333334,28.314814814814817,9.188382445141503,2.4334037037037035,445,16,82,9,8,143,72,108,0.134,0.665,0.20199999999999999,0.828,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,13,9,1,0,5,0,9,2,0,1,0,18,18,9,0,3,6,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,1,10,5,14,11,7,12,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,4,8,66,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365102698409467,0.14512611576736684,0.0,0.0,0.14790157284713348,0.0,0.1824054179729724,0.1537229662995504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497043880377465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959469930464955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788478519016467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342870493590074,0.0,0.09080981887135617,0.0,0.0,0.14578561666229664,0.13901367533801376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537017545069458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477691092050521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17621851927665122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777213240652555,0.0,0.0,0.3357382487286216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16677771073222342,0.5936597979137996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031774249620148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230253299061365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806576624612799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19977181513151315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251907232587944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12347136068459935,0.0,0.0,0.11192950383960984 ptsd,Burner089,2019/09/06,"Fired for PTSD? I am- was- a volunteer firefighter. I was in an in-between position, mostly volunteer but paid for extra shifts. The department I worked for found out I have ptsd, and I was fired. I was told I was being let go for mental health reasons, not for any one specific incident. They essentially communicated to me that my background was too much of a liability. I worked for all the shifts required, I passed the academy, I never did anything damaging/negligent at the station or on calls. The most that happened is that others noticed at times I seemed upset or down. For the last few months, I was aware the dept knew I had PTSD and depression. However, I did not know being fired was even on the table. When the dept initially became aware, I was told to get counseling, which I have tried to do. However it has been very difficult to find a provider with availability that works with my insurance. I have one now, but too little too late. i can’t emphasize how crushing this was. I love this field and put so much into that job. I’m applying to permanent jobs, and now on those applications I will have to mention/explain getting let go from this one. Honestly, there are times when the label of the diagnosis is more damaging than the ptsd itself. I have been more hurt by others reactions to my ptsd (friends leaving me, getting fired) than by anything I’ve actually done to myself. The rejection hurts like hell, I finally got to a point in my life where I’m doing so much better and they throw my diagnosis in my face. This feels like a reminder that no matter how much I work to improve myself, I will always have this label and be seen as less than. What should be my next steps, what should I do from here? Any tips? Anyone have a similar experience?",4.086720202874048,6.067799130177519,5.142117497886733,79.69670118343198,72.49112426035504,8.970583262890955,28.04775993237532,9.516144504307137,2.6747629754860527,1398,54,263,35,28,459,180,338,0.162,0.768,0.07,-0.9892,4,0,0,0,1,0,46.0,0,0,2,6,15,14,1,1,20,0,42,4,1,3,2,33,61,17,0,2,6,0,5,2,1,4,2,0,0,0,19,10,0,1,7,0,1,7,5,8,0,3,23,6,38,6,40,28,12,33,1,5,1,1,7,14,1,5,14,203,57,9,0.0,0.0,0.09221913419787342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863222336888367,0.0,0.0,0.12852754865636634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607714608169903,0.0,0.1555321880313646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357826475328117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649586724338416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139338759418221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967071129638338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241687719375675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243990094879112,0.0,0.0,0.047782436295794484,0.06751137964222136,0.0,0.10352099073826272,0.0863720054077294,0.0,0.0,0.1036152329993502,0.0730110720241604,0.0,0.14811827926293233,0.0,0.10741394770399773,0.0,0.07558091052632238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356673202748963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044991533370913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20233008957679627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875548946822896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051935159993172116,0.07703075257663472,0.10660100157510242,0.10006268641371202,0.0,0.19326691044738786,0.06674869912230304,0.0923366202038614,0.09471461275537314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529064796398353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523456439619073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542962494784072,0.0,0.27787580131792256,0.0,0.07288483113317565,0.0,0.10050265687013628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758976999947918,0.0,0.0,0.192108532721615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933378711998068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5523318025972433,0.09499939015514378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971625460002945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602996540675381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11020833530565367,0.0,0.0,0.18059909950183206,0.0,0.06415982977880802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797304449709946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27519078773660804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,homelessptsdguy,2019/09/06,"In a bad spot for a while now I got diagnosed with PTSD like a decade ago and went through years of therapy, EMDR, all that. It was pretty good for a while after. I can't even believe I used to live through this every day, but it's back. I mostly just need to get some of this off my chest with people who get it. My family desperately wants to talk to me about whatever is going on in my head, but I just can't. They press questions that I have to think about shit that just triggers the hell out of me. So I just keep giving bullshit answers to everything and suffering alone. Last year, I quit long term employment over harassment. I had a multiple page small-print email that I sent to HR after multiple prior attempts of dealing with it, and that ended up getting me unemployment at least. Unfortunately, in the meantime, the stress and the year of constant bullying aggravated my PTSD SUPER bad. Shortly after quitting the job, even before I got approved for unemployment, I hit a car in a parking lot, just out of stupid stress and not thinking about what I was doing. I ended up burning through my 401k paying for that. I tried to take a month off of work to recoup, and I even ended up talking to potential contracts. All said, I ran out of money before the unemployment came, which wasn't even enough to cover my bills had I not fallen behind at all anyway. Everything went to shit, and I basically ended up homeless. I'm sleeping on the floor in someone else's apartment after a few months sleeping in my car, and here, I'm waking up to roaches crawling on me and shit, almost making me wish I just stayed in the damn car. Almost seemed less stressful and less triggering to my PTSD after all. I got into online school to finally finish my Bachelor's, so I got some student loan money that's not half of enough for me to pay my bills with, and even started a job. Unfortunately, I haven't even gotten paid for my work in July yet thanks to fucking up my direct deposit and accidentally putting a typo in my bank account number. My savings account that I've had for half my life just got closed, all my credit cards are maxed out, and I keep having to borrow money to pay for food. Thankfully, my rent for the floor I'm sleeping on is being held as just another debt I need to catch up on. My work is ""from home"", and it's just been a complete disaster. Roaches, the bathroom exploding from the upstairs neighbors pipes bursting underneath them, paper thin walls with constant noise everywhere. I'm supposed to be working and going to school full time, because that's the only hope I have of even being treated like I deserve help, apparently. This week, the stress has been so bad, I'm barely getting any school work done and haven't put in a single hour for work, so there's lost pay to deal with, too. I feel stuck, because school isn't giving me enough to live on, but if I bail without my degree, that's already more debt than I can possibly handle to take on right now. So I have to say fuck work in favor of school, even if it's entirely just because my PTSD brain is a complete asshole and I'm doing everything I can to avoid stress to no avail. Even though I'm really fucking myself over, because apparently I'm incapable of being a normal human? IT'S SO FUCKING LOUD IN MY HEAD. If that wasn't bad enough itself, it's like every little noise is a dagger randomly stabbed wherever my cruel body feels like reacting to it. I can't even listen to someone else talk in a confined place without feeling like my head is going to implode. The anxiety gets so bad I just seize up until I burst into frantic shaking and pacing around, muttering to myself how much I wish I would just die. I've been convincing myself that I'm going to die again, too. Absolutely no reason. I just can't get it out of my head. I was so absolutely convinced that I was going to die before I graduated high school, everything was surreal when I didn't. Who am I? Is this even real? Too often lately, I feel like an undefined character wandering around a make believe world. That was really bad after high school, and it's been real bad again. I feel like an asshole, because I keep trying to help my host, but they get super micro-managey and trigger the shit out of me, which just sends me yelling and raging out. I want to control it so bad, but in the moment, I just can't. The worst part is that I feel like all of this... the big trauma that I got diagnosed with PTSD for and went through all the EMDR and shit isn't even the trauma that got triggered in all of this. It was the abusive bitch in my earliest memory and being left to fend for myself my whole damn life before that. Probably a little more. I just feel like my whole life is a giant ball of trauma and neglect, and this whole past couple years is the never-ending continuation. I never even came out as LGBTQ to my therapist. I never really trusted him. Never dove into really much at all except the one thing. I don't even know how to trust anyone. I've probably said more in this post than anyone I know could imagine knowing about me. &#x200B; Damn. I wish there was something positive I could say at the end of this. I at least know my ass is going to get through this. I'm too much of an asshole to be put down. Right now it just really sucks and I need to get it out to SOMEONE.",5.604396266540643,5.839901005671077,6.382329276937622,78.74840884924386,67.29867674858222,9.032159735349717,30.236353969754248,8.841846274778883,2.342862429111531,4216,145,807,64,64,1392,391,1058,0.21899999999999997,0.6859999999999999,0.095,-0.9995,14,2,1,0,1,0,118.0,0,0,3,15,66,65,19,8,47,0,60,27,17,12,12,154,149,53,3,16,31,0,9,9,1,1,5,7,3,1,50,51,1,8,18,1,20,23,23,42,0,3,40,16,107,23,164,99,37,150,1,3,0,5,26,76,16,14,58,571,157,28,0.0,0.04169335761943038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03119303512171078,0.0,0.07047364899748777,0.036445319846223984,0.03883207322503029,0.0,0.0,0.038127401012745685,0.04275863714523303,0.023929810918991597,0.03689886457534084,0.02691958344471421,0.0,0.0,0.04921010719746024,0.0,0.0,0.06265156154599973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027058264162079803,0.23505158865512105,0.10725481649167427,0.0,0.11977341045231435,0.07929218480671994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03908718380094635,0.0,0.03928269998241228,0.0,0.0804939664385188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379025375602143,0.07605388347929302,0.0394675946136539,0.056191304092404415,0.0389360962558144,0.0,0.02269407377343549,0.07255688312423296,0.0,0.07143244000836121,0.10956226479686354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036010691123244634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587919952495197,0.0,0.1870027143881659,0.1454390864193752,0.0,0.32538918216692325,0.0,0.05929670911215805,0.0,0.12650286211105036,0.0,0.03317317423408332,0.0,0.12454874840956362,0.15083470274886562,0.0,0.038547965170276366,0.0,0.0,0.0425508282645516,0.0,0.0,0.1301271119562965,0.16546378360727246,0.06751322817021588,0.11999274017859195,0.029514967566613388,0.19700769863292186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445677261794584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047173055952137485,0.07435848277409011,0.035297560388748775,0.03495073995116226,0.034654198704064304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983955134285151,0.0938331304182941,0.0,0.0,0.07735608881840292,0.028683832584948124,0.039694864457231215,0.0,0.038233086048207236,0.0,0.07456535656908382,0.15472465607013852,0.07053749326726373,0.062145282146072525,0.031141267288993173,0.0,0.0,0.038413085543947866,0.029916534740442736,0.0,0.0,0.04697802686430056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617524590057203,0.0,0.07760416487378237,0.07827686841250657,0.10856008668103596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034477870035488814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0238450610369097,0.0267629143868122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038106391997582624,0.033592000467563714,0.024395707768492342,0.0,0.03676514482232921,0.0,0.0,0.039670449901927335,0.03370145349648085,0.03579998969555175,0.0758796544476681,0.0,0.20567101355111908,0.1061243663758072,0.03941987214523583,0.07485592950410777,0.0,0.08010585369046096,0.1127152691049998,0.036180280080051176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060102639032051076,0.06694583005987302,0.05596760738101851,0.0,0.2492929041082705,0.0,0.03203485676141125,0.0,0.0,0.180605649863208,0.0,0.0,0.10564361110730117,0.0,0.08944689138951194,0.02709030674120997,0.0,0.0,0.02490704299356722,0.03750692398494442,0.0,0.0,0.2015451125149544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291568362150858,0.0848510544824057,0.0,0.06479483490568781,0.040241829909442,0.040857285016121306,0.023378090288176074,0.045095539404428016,0.034573135538659545,0.0,0.020519061112821483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04778221046777936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030392104747986124,0.0,0.0,0.04151091395616637,0.0,0.028226592594364764,0.0,0.0,0.09786201112045906,0.0,0.1178622003788986,0.12139726744749807,0.06784211937033294,0.0,0.1793267089514911,0.0,0.0,0.02499734397291923,0.0,0.04275863714523303,0.09064256820961396 ptsd,B_Buttons22,2019/09/06,"Feels like nothing works I’m new here but here goes.. I’ve been going to therapy for ptsd, going on for the past 4 months now. I’m on a 3rd trial run for a medication and my new therapist isn’t very helpful, but I also don’t know what ‘helpful’ looks like with a therapist, 4 months of therapy and the triggers are still as serious now as they were then.",2.367342342342344,3.8099398783783833,4.368648648648648,85.70855855855856,75.89189189189189,8.176576576576577,25.84684684684685,8.841846274778883,1.8574036036036048,277,10,60,6,6,95,50,74,0.021,0.848,0.131,0.8266,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,6,3,0,0,5,0,5,1,0,1,0,8,12,8,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,2,3,2,10,10,0,14,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,11,35,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474329646964105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932181699315171,0.13170712394909115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20955255542228665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471458125000605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10131966774766878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801383818058495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154816324043503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572373177093304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294309463533038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561128932018723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689879933353542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599288580078226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21550747021085906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14723047298534775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4216644246897737,0.42811332435622296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211665782408193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421658460452432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thiccarrus,2019/09/06,"survivor’s guilt for an event i didn’t attend. help. i’m from las vegas. many of you may be familiar with the october 1 shooting that killed nearly 60 people and left 500 wounded there. route 91 harvest festival. i was supposed to be there that night but turned down a ticket literal hours prior to it all happening. i got the news from someone out of state calling me and immediately began calling everyone i knew that was there, their parents, my teachers, just everyone i could think to call. two of my friends from highschool were shot that night. they lived, but approximately 20 other people i knew were there and were lucky to leave with minor injuries and scrapes. i didn’t sleep and no one else did either. no one knew how anymore. the next morning at school i was cleaning blood off of people’s knees and shoes in the bathroom before our emergency assembly and i cant get the images out of my head. i have nightmares to this day, am horrified at the sound of backfiring cars, will get triggered in a crowd, etc. hell, the other day my friend’s mattress creaked in a way that resembled a semi automatic’s popping and that was enough to set me off. seriously, it’s that bad. but the thing is, i wasn’t even there. i just cant understand why i’m so hung up on it when i didn’t even go. i wasn’t there at the shooting. i was there for the aftermath but i didn’t hear the gunshots anywhere but on TV and over the phone. i have PTSD from other events but this is different for me. this is something i cant even begin to process because it’s not my trauma. so why am i so stuck in it??? i’m so confused and angry at myself but i cant shake this. have been trying to sleep for 5.5 hours and it’s all i can think about.",2.7362931034482796,4.5766080890804615,3.8535402298850574,88.09548275862068,75.86781609195403,6.823908045977013,25.68045977011495,7.675431598112923,1.3067901149425285,1357,49,281,19,30,440,179,348,0.131,0.82,0.048,-0.9845,2,0,1,3,0,0,37.0,1,1,2,0,19,12,2,3,17,0,34,8,6,2,2,41,53,24,1,1,11,1,0,0,2,2,2,2,2,0,21,15,0,0,6,2,0,4,13,8,0,3,22,2,34,4,43,26,5,40,1,0,0,0,15,19,1,3,14,196,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162653232397752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788607991302396,0.07146518667314364,0.0,0.09975809731022828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591292174497348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936023706842756,0.0,0.0,0.1512133693985255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12248531225620406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793455093272314,0.0,0.0,0.12113478676898096,0.13074768317851035,0.2322972465309067,0.0,0.0,0.224045564951959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811504810879221,0.0,0.12250058702291247,0.0,0.06662718325685292,0.0,0.09376330139609353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367026048265514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031662725075315,0.0,0.13213203037624813,0.0,0.07857995006275194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309051341844786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970282884459006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413462287470267,0.12737584757965592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352039038193232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885758789079183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468043639062636,0.22003365369914804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888253730475005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301752636302432,0.0,0.0,0.24382734501728895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370410938871575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864777806152756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346387365330839,0.0,0.09933258321286494,0.09025300175883366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788552724976225,0.15023852760559808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795946676902935,0.12751769181733716,0.11452126973407255,0.122045460083534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305545022961602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115721691100251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,theroadtoredemtion32,2019/08/06,"Can this happen? So last night I was in deep sleep and I was awoken to what sounded to me like the devil in my ear saying"" and you wonder why your going to hell?"" I also scream,cry etc while sleeping. I hear and see war and bombs being dropped out of helicopters, but I was never in the military and my trauma is caused by domestic violence mostly. Any how my dr. Says this is all ptsd related but last night was so so scary is this stuff like last night what happens honestly?",1.6703125000000014,3.962858739583337,3.1498333333333366,89.57850000000002,81.39583333333334,6.34,20.016666666666666,7.554174236665415,0.7017866666666661,373,10,76,6,10,122,65,96,0.18899999999999997,0.731,0.08,-0.9353,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,5,7,2,0,2,0,9,4,3,2,2,14,15,13,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,4,6,11,3,9,10,3,15,2,0,1,0,5,5,1,2,10,54,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321467011043096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237255077339396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975256327143468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151433238885087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429232176710625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939127791537498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922519548811308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18624359580119032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40409121214194416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146112877082475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744745344860875,0.0,0.0,0.4652148923941348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931630508166377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628195777801787,0.0,0.0,0.1316792037807338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33072951260745265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916646903483414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910828749965158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17920160696575765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gc--161,2019/08/06,"talking to people Hello Guys and Gals, I'm starting a new podcast and am looking to reach out and talk to people with all sort of stories from different walks of life. If someone is willing to share his/her story with me anonymously I would really appreciate it. Please contact me.",7.487484276729559,7.597016490566037,7.775471698113207,70.78257861635221,63.339622641509436,10.085534591194973,38.42138364779875,9.725611199111238,3.948300628930818,226,11,37,4,3,74,43,53,0.0,0.836,0.16399999999999998,0.7818,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,10,7,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,10,5,1,4,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,2,24,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30092306884207515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2851883717338782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343939018426285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24186704994568425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781747191664249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3993582119013163,0.0,0.0,0.31616311576649353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451511532649525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24404122605249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038643897535696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4630044721746678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046035041500277,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TA314322,2019/08/06,"Not sure how to feel I've struggled with PTSD for 13 years now. At the end of last year, at the urging of a psychiatrist who actually took a few minutes to give a damn, I filed a claim with Veterans Affairs for disability for it. Though it's not service induced, I was in the service when my trauma occurred, as was my abuser, and the military not only allowed it to happen, but victim shamed me when I finally came forward (after about a year of abuse). Abuser went on to have three other women bring military charges against him for abuse before he was discharged, and the military did the same for every case - victim shame the women, and fiercely protect the abuser. The last eight months have been absolute hell. Having to relive everything I've worked 13 years to forget or at least numb myself to. Digging up all this old baggage to fill out the ever increasing forms they send, being sent to a complete stranger to answer a barrage of uncomfortable questions, being mentally and emotionally poked and prodded from all sides. I even have a form now I've had for a month that I just can't bring myself to finish, despite it literally being a list of doctors I've seen and what time frames I saw them. Yesterday I got a letter from the VA. They've rated my disability, and I will now get monthly compensation for the rest of my life. I can't help but feel like it's stupid, but I also feel... Vindicated? Money isn't going to solve my problems, it's not going to make the thoughts and feelings and memories go away. It's not going to make the struggle of staying alive any easier. But, for some reason just having someone say the equivalent of"" Yea, that's not right"" and take some freaking responsibility for it just makes me feel like maybe I'm not this big fuck up I always feel like I am. I feel legitimized. Vindicated for everything I've had to endure. And I can't help but feel petty and stupid for feeling that way.",6.041392005610099,6.568939120967747,6.673202431042544,76.02654277699861,66.39247311827957,9.265264142122488,31.496493688639553,9.20300075937882,2.7077460028050497,1531,57,280,26,23,503,197,372,0.204,0.715,0.08,-0.9939,1,0,0,0,5,0,41.0,0,0,2,1,14,19,7,4,26,1,21,4,0,7,4,60,53,24,0,1,16,0,9,3,0,1,3,1,0,2,16,16,0,1,14,0,1,14,11,15,0,2,15,12,26,4,51,34,11,50,1,0,2,1,16,13,3,4,26,190,42,4,0.0,0.5170093912178827,0.08516391845778534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979059655368833,0.07261647289783812,0.0,0.0,0.0593472806297624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199398831031034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426120317206372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998147881611168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150199540282293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932557849935029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816814184392376,0.07729621298786164,0.0,0.0,0.05764168017792212,0.07894162647329397,0.0735295913539322,0.0,0.1568671161587476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39714161159982814,0.18703928466144654,0.0,0.0956011275814587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068064408191608,0.04559550165294125,0.0837183066761947,0.19839250851919255,0.0,0.06979860044248085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771734674596071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699183914291295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227504494028612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164209649830079,0.12790862431275926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747622340092637,0.0,0.0876754613082389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794865346704722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20897666685665026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157624625071643,0.0,0.0,0.06637353700625814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350657202204556,0.10201514253452608,0.0,0.09776350605160776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897291350292325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745289671802964,0.0,0.0694014113329575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394444503724673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301928673105722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246922006542587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225189574947946,0.0,0.0656169398126972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574332592971877,0.06928343505034436,0.05088842875709515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696130515365248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927166698337628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090110220845204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353433593522785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479868105723536 ptsd,Dali-the-,2019/08/06,"Six-hour lasting flashback I have to go through a medical procedure later today. In preparation for the procedure, I had to take some medications that give me back side effects. I’ve had to go through the same procedure a few years ago, while I was still in an abusive relationship. My tormentor ex used the side effects of the medications in order to torture me even more than usual. So yesterday I had to take those medications and go through the side effects again. Little did I know, that as soon as the side effects began, they brought with them a massive flashback, that lasted for the duration of the effect of the meds, which was about 6 hours. I’ve tried different relaxation techniques, used my MMJ, had great support from my fiancée and even tried to take sedatives but NOTHING WORKED. I eventually fell asleep exhausted, into a restless sleep filled with nightmares. It was one of the most terrible experiences I’ve yet to have with my PTSD.",8.074682080924857,8.523433375722547,7.595150289017344,71.42232080924859,62.0635838150289,11.081849710982661,39.84335260115607,10.793553405168565,4.516403930635836,766,39,129,18,10,241,103,173,0.09,0.871,0.038,-0.8732,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,6,9,7,1,1,15,0,10,7,2,7,0,18,23,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,6,0,0,6,1,0,6,0,4,0,1,10,0,14,3,28,13,5,32,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,2,16,91,20,1,0.0,0.15730916248816698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769141442745094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209091128071424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13871500092526712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538490764819348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298732347709759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736380549236131,0.2263664830552979,0.0,0.0,0.14637792648861156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615007898665541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07296618838220037,0.21644837156440225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306908610206067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747606090813856,0.5350018649169901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273951188717039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996748631842942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519946935020207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254386341494854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286455312784512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602923071366392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066431240872624,0.0,0.0,0.29947654788213923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584917415228195,0.0,0.0,0.1802824224215692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22933900348338795,0.14622593168855524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665717243229496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085498669961914 ptsd,toxicteacup_,2019/08/06,"I feel like a sociopath When I first got diagnosed with PTSD I had a lot of ""inflammatory"" symptoms like panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks, etc. I felt the PTSD every minute of the day. I managed to get through all of that no longer have those issues, but now I'm dealing with emotional flatness. I KNOW things mentally, but don't feel them. I have no desire to lie-- but if I had to, I'd look you in the eye and feel no guilt. I act respectful but I generally have no respect for authority. Empathy is something I do feel, but that's kind of the only soft emotion left. I recently began dating again, and this is messing me up badly. I met someone who is very eager to move forward with me, and I cannot even gauge how I feel. I have to rely upon thoughts, not feelings, to figure out what's going on, and in relationships that doesn't always work. A while back I visited one of my exes I am on good terms with, and when I saw him I knew mentally I loved him but couldn't feel it. He cuddled me and I was so self conscious. I genuinely wanted to cuddle him-- but when I did, I felt like I was acting, and that made me feel like a monster. I'm not really sure what to do. I've been through a lot of therapy and I understand myself very well. I know what to do when my mood dips and I've made a lot of positive changes to my life. But I almost feel like all that I have learned has just made me a better manipulator. I don't try to manipulate, but I don't know what else to call it when I am literally instructing myself on how to react to normal situations.",2.121459627329191,3.8493041583850953,4.2130124223602525,85.34013975155283,77.2919254658385,7.3329192546583855,25.16459627329193,8.192908349453996,1.5220857142857145,1217,44,258,22,28,418,165,322,0.07400000000000001,0.7609999999999999,0.165,0.9853,0,0,1,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,1,3,14,20,1,2,11,0,26,7,1,8,3,67,57,28,0,5,13,0,12,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,15,14,0,0,20,0,0,6,12,5,1,2,17,15,48,14,36,39,7,30,0,0,3,3,14,10,0,5,21,184,63,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960501680335548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981324335653431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912301066088133,0.0,0.0737566695193185,0.08008931319734552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483357201762899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794519098189128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147079321760376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186055725260009,0.09888945606210917,0.0,0.09735692650304653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08012897165216497,0.21579450177567427,0.0,0.0,0.10697631529646907,0.06335435010720526,0.0,0.08081685786218662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4365009594753668,0.20557610894869774,0.1841967600068001,0.0,0.0,0.08158962502147471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050114315996994716,0.0,0.05451362800570223,0.08045326542915904,0.0767161011923381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011570893074068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988606881838732,0.15814560694220026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421751652174484,0.0,0.06775123401748588,0.2343086848911041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054876239624417,0.0,0.0,0.24464362748439245,0.0865716744400198,0.27228587696575324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19332988788702024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194793242007652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398137481048598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499797163751778,0.0729515914242666,0.0,0.11254162119427566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242510293391588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144890007252786,0.0,0.0947095697688794,0.1029823369584255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006562902889964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781826013920004,0.0,0.0,0.08127282627627253,0.0738440126654011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904036000374914,0.0996977562160816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969304356348633,0.0,0.06372508114523694,0.0,0.0,0.07614987951878889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512348104194934,0.0,0.0,0.09985625214156484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15828832783989555,0.056576185814620525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862437285116255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983100683818959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,newtoreddit072019,2019/08/06,"Any options besides meds and talk therapy? Trigger warning: self harm I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was 14 (25 now), multiple residential inpatient programs that spanned the entirety of 16-18. I feel like I’ve been through every “program” under the sun. I’ve been sober for 5 years. I have a job, family, child, etc. I’ve been on all different kinds of anti-anxiety/depression meds and have been on Zoloft for over a year now. Initial trauma happened when I was 12, and then I was trafficked 14-15, turned to sex work when I left treatment on my 18th birthday. I’ve been out of that lifestyle since I got sober. I still struggle a lot!! It’s so frustrating!! I feel like I have done so much to “help myself” and “better myself” to the point of everything looking normal on the outside. I feel like over made SO much progress but will this ever be done for good?? Any advice? I am open to trying anything! I am continuing therapy, medication, etc. but is there any other tangible solution? I self harmed for the first time in nearly a decade last month...it scared the crap out of me that I could still do that kind of thing to myself. I’m a mom now, I can’t be doing that! It’s like..I still have trouble sleeping at night. I still have those times where I can’t stop picturing terrible things happening to my family. I feel like I’m at a loss! Am I just not working hard enough? I feel so ashamed that I’m still not “recovered” after all this time, especially since I have so many things in my life I am immensely grateful for!",2.5441964285714316,4.625965101973684,3.860075187969926,86.72552631578951,77.25657894736842,7.50075187969925,25.98872180451128,8.418075326091056,1.8059063909774444,1197,46,244,24,28,392,160,304,0.14,0.77,0.09,-0.96,2,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,0,6,19,19,2,3,12,0,30,6,2,2,3,29,44,15,0,2,5,1,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,3,15,9,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,11,0,1,13,7,30,8,36,27,8,44,0,1,1,1,6,21,1,2,27,161,45,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533321374966021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815247289224231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718612318313449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723207826647284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972209832741176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521310115259904,0.0,0.0,0.09123628944822684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787280781527406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023031630753092,0.19478145170920952,0.0,0.07899067893882104,0.07357528090843267,0.0,0.07848229484317933,0.0,0.164644928829389,0.0,0.2207713255744924,0.2495406752842834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427880443465522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07324426809620725,0.06984197164719247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444284246561996,0.0,0.07822626251033485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05853226755675196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665682607866054,0.0,0.0,0.1818715987370866,0.0,0.07118172564943565,0.0,0.0,0.09487912864345968,0.0,0.061680399443762926,0.21331350619379286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333120807834778,0.0,0.0,0.07424079616869153,0.0,0.08262925341359051,0.0,0.0885340870033425,0.0,0.0,0.19399731088850652,0.08797099210128861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227426553503677,0.06970217334350222,0.0,0.12838819817027922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194882205653825,0.08556019418168352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255057770172128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08742779913449833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18219854025097101,0.0,0.0,0.21670902247690196,0.0,0.08738830512723111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348690246867258,0.07300781070787997,0.0,0.09129130106839888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701887199969381,0.0,0.0,0.29959206683017964,0.0,0.17404502736924213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527601488808687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928810570149989,0.0949847849191981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271476293473276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246918282884456 ptsd,anonymous_bunbun,2019/08/06,Trigger. I was molested for years when I was in elementary school. I’m now an adult. My own family started and everything. Life is great.. as best as it can be. PTSD causes daily issues. I came forward with the molestation and today I found out the first hearing is in 15 days.,0.7850000000000001,3.3352992592592616,2.9943518518518566,85.61708333333334,93.44444444444444,6.4037037037037035,21.564814814814817,7.645422480735847,1.4839703703703702,216,8,41,5,8,73,44,54,0.10400000000000001,0.821,0.075,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,2,0,3,0,6,1,0,2,0,8,11,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,4,1,5,2,7,6,2,12,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,8,29,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26416736134451585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879036194681873,0.0,0.2585884725969244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623402664556375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262320611487971,0.0,0.23730168492904866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21411513336222066,0.0,0.2760008618755989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775250790012035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28370968921500234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627330173869127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779913197653285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942502741061217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547567319145465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17817056719586127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386036121475296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621011152765857 ptsd,edgy_meme_queen,2019/08/06,(sexual abuse TW) years of sexual abuse catching up to me So I'm 17 but when I was 13 an uncle began sexually abusing me every weekend when I saw him and the rest of the family. I feared what he might do yo my little sister and younger cousins so I put up with it and basically just pretended I want there while it was happening. I put up with it until he hurt his foot last year and has been unable to walk well or be intimidating. Then during the holidays an estranged uncle needed a place to stay and he turned out to be a creep. He abused me until January this year. It feels like all of this is catching up to me now and I'm having flashbacks and night terrors when I used to be realtively numb about it. There are things they did I repressed so far I forgot that happened. I woke up after a night terror this morning and it is absolutely all I can feel and think about. I feel just like I did when I would hide from them. I just need someone to talk to about this.,2.74155,4.205046655,4.3889999999999985,85.85950000000003,74.95,7.4,23.5,8.07648339933343,1.1540000000000001,761,22,162,12,16,256,116,200,0.19899999999999998,0.738,0.063,-0.9861,0,0,0,0,3,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,17,9,0,4,8,0,17,2,1,1,2,31,34,22,0,4,5,2,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,13,12,0,2,4,3,0,5,0,6,1,0,9,4,24,3,26,20,3,33,0,1,1,0,11,9,0,2,20,118,37,0,0.0,0.6158547316949122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948434284781844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250066607659718,0.14622435318494886,0.1971124258179605,0.1856655965833309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22982002795125656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910890648034244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059225919259651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696921443090128,0.13023911802409507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13785120548434562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270527547868585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438893285688993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357649616933723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26126141313777224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010205310649597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850417624248054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444494114481256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632974377706648,0.08326356674740623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14134294329589006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223083594071058,0.0,0.0,0.07664498086912139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683624172746952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230926366046126,0.0,0.0,0.251041132713553 ptsd,ray7989,2019/08/06,"Body sensations when facing trauma I’ve just began therapy for my ptsd and heard from friends with ptsd that through forms of treatment such as edmr, intense body sensations can occur. I think my therapist said it has to do with stress or chemicals being released in the body. I have previously felt smaller sensations in my body through meditation in therapy, but man in my session today when I told my therapist about something from my childhood, all of a sudden my body just went nuts. Felt like prickles all over from my legs, face, arms, everywhere. Lots of shaking too, it was too much to handle. I couldn’t even feel my hands for a while and got dizzy and had trouble walking afterwards. Just sort of wanted to hear if anyone else has felt these before? I know it’s common but might be resssuring to hear from others about it.",6.5881935483871,7.592665787096777,6.213709677419356,78.12056451612906,65.3225806451613,9.55483870967742,32.91935483870968,9.642632912329526,3.1093741935483865,667,27,118,13,10,207,101,155,0.102,0.857,0.040999999999999995,-0.8201,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,2,3,0,11,10,10,0,2,25,26,11,0,3,7,0,5,1,1,1,0,4,0,1,7,5,0,0,6,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,11,9,14,2,26,11,5,17,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,5,10,83,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108030264347771,0.1188123414767994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867144090082704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6440141817503566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968677582578195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658895084048176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863168471464489,0.0,0.3340126583241298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958861220677376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274194578511157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613854549737786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372730572953879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056651062849689876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858306876130524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301276873771935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852422335261696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710966339789025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103023031466486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926988354113201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282912515069384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652154147840025,0.2692715966665412,0.0,0.07430099609639958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991431750557054,0.1108025279015771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839484118715836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749392663188123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FauxStardust,2019/08/20,"I’m so scared of addressing it. I know it happened, I know what happened, but no matter what type of therapy I try it’s like I just can’t tell anybody. I feel like my mind just goes blank whenever I get the opportunity to process things, and it won’t stop. I’m so sick of being so mentally screwed up and not being able to do a thing about it. I feel like everyone else gets to see the light at the end of the tunnel but my tunnel is just blocked by some massive blob that’s indestructible, I just want to give up and never try to get better again. Does this happen to anyone else? And if so, have you gotten past it?",1.4498974358974372,3.2687407846153853,3.248846153846156,91.06532051282049,79.61538461538461,6.487179487179486,21.602564102564106,7.492282038375204,0.6332564102564109,482,14,109,7,12,161,79,130,0.139,0.706,0.155,-0.1314,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,10,7,1,1,5,0,7,2,0,0,1,23,23,11,0,2,8,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,12,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,4,11,5,15,19,1,8,0,0,1,1,3,3,1,2,8,70,23,1,0.16369863811171342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446189395062813,0.16772859975550672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477814258108782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325378135721578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734984135837715,0.0,0.14498840503699445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642106386676213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554190004603303,0.2338926795510851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25657734600373266,0.15703465005828393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43427449517740097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799289808339288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399246575313513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164969724886017,0.0,0.16528895925670828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262544814126827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15626887296462422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638908942081376,0.0,0.13044662044091238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368593914011896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307982501918026,0.0,0.18720365915851905,0.0,0.217508202580914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22228125963407064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655369804375444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jibbledygook,2019/08/20,"What's wrong with me? (possible triggers) My dad was diagnosed with stage 4 Small Cell Lung Cancer (SCLC), in April. At first, I was by his side - going to appointments, visiting him at home or the hospital. Just making sure he was okay. The first month or so, he was in and out of the hospital. One of his visits to the ER had my sister calling to see if I could come take over for her. Her toddler was fussing and she had been with dad all day. I said yeah of course, but when I got to the hospital, I ended up having a massive panic attack. My daughter was with me and it made the panic worse because I was worried about her seeing me lose control. I called my sister and said I couldn't make it. I wasn't feeling well and to see if our Uncle was available. My daughter and I had to be driven home because I couldn't safely get behind the wheel. Since that incident... I haven't seen or really spoken with my dad. I feel like absolute crap because of it. To put things into context, I was diagnosed with PTSD in the spring of 2017 after my mom died in a head-on collision. My dad has been absent from my life since about the age of 13 (I'm 35 now). When he was in my life - he was less than great. I didn't realize this until speaking about my childhood with other people that pointed out that he seemed like a selfish asshole. I was a kid... I didn't know any better. It seemed normal to me. A lot of my PTSD seems to be seeded in guilt and what I should be doing. I've gotten used to my dad not being in my life, but he is dying and alone. He is the only parent I have left. However, I don't want to experience the death of a parent all over again. I don't think I could mentally handle it. I still haven't come to terms with my mom's death. I deal with insomnia, suicidal thoughts, major depression, and have not worked in over 2 years. Am I shit daughter? I know he is going to die, but I came to terms with him not being in my life a long time ago or so I thought... I just feel my PTSD is in a very fragile state and I don't want to reach a point of no return and totally lose myself.",1.6354181687094462,3.231989650684933,3.4532083633741912,90.83441961067051,78.29223744292237,6.437010334054314,21.3436673876472,7.273561745256523,0.5437981735159818,1609,43,357,20,38,540,209,438,0.217,0.748,0.035,-0.998,3,1,0,0,0,0,60.0,1,0,0,8,13,19,3,3,20,2,45,11,3,6,4,73,79,25,6,10,14,14,4,2,0,1,8,3,2,1,13,27,0,2,12,0,0,9,14,11,2,3,30,11,61,8,63,39,8,58,0,3,4,0,41,24,2,10,25,244,74,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322845464145948,0.0,0.0,0.08555866528663478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617738275941039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939803826389458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107419525980142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07306150655631985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870734174900426,0.09448341187792303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232176691513276,0.0,0.0,0.09265372704824996,0.13191413874666955,0.0,0.0,0.053276378700041434,0.08516690350998404,0.07115155523876758,0.1676940757021841,0.2572072678015396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316761436739476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080807192124091,0.0,0.0,0.12530973667642709,0.05901633781123353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14053542204247635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04316012328254955,0.0,0.0938979155356026,0.0,0.06607046947256387,0.09107741123282838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478131560482711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657283935209383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080018695161288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975560719115458,0.0,0.2333985053624128,0.08071778712237486,0.0,0.0,0.07310692499949754,0.0,0.18483809560469325,0.0,0.07023175522106767,0.0,0.0781672314862668,0.1102851420502945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325107935131414,0.0,0.0,0.1935028058198632,0.06593822034874272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08093989995448245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05597842479101496,0.06282834788602819,0.0,0.19384920849580045,0.183456440925261,0.0,0.0,0.05727111750430279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561856086061206,0.09312994807701967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28969871821947485,0.08304549738087183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052921845782878014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571613554386752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19748754428015008,0.22561411989683905,0.0,0.0,0.08479760040916398,0.13667108298256708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597215905473375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036152963489913,0.0,0.07785860078462245,0.0,0.0621121625834104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488216897111469,0.052932916738052144,0.0,0.13116564089907234,0.04817034091497456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134819857421834,0.0,0.0681615982164478,0.09745060292798913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427598044302773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060140796180108765,0.08389409155331047,0.08418627283766453,0.0,0.09032066462729918,0.0,0.053197894728936164 ptsd,WalkAMileInMyUGGS,2019/08/20,"Anybody else get constant nausea/vomiting? Does anything help? For a little over 2.5 years I’ve been vomiting constantly, go through months where it’s every morning at 4:30am and then some through the day which generally keeps me from eating for 72 hours at a time, some months are great and I only vomit 1-2 times a week. I have good and bad times, but it’s still mostly daily and sometimes it just keeps going for hours and any water I drink just comes right back up. I’ve vomited 4 times in the last 3 hours even though I haven’t eaten since Saturday. I have no idea what to do, I’m a 5’7 woman who’s barely over 100lbs now when I was never underweight before all of this. Most PTSD resources don’t really get into vomiting. I’m seeing a GI doc soon to address the damage I’ve inevitably done to myself with the vomiting, but I can’t make stop no matter what I try. Even marijuana isn’t really helping stave it off anymore, and anything stressful will quickly create a vomit spiral. I don’t know where else to go for advice, my therapist is great and specializes in trauma, but doesn’t have much experience with constant vomiters (and I live in a small place with little resources, so there’s no one here who does). Does anyone here have experience with this? Please help me, I have no idea how to stop this and it’s been constant since February 2017.",4.7110150375939845,5.981002808270677,5.307593984962409,81.9453007518797,69.78947368421052,8.15639097744361,26.781954887218053,8.532816995589336,1.8401609022556389,1081,34,205,17,19,348,151,266,0.12,0.7829999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.7913,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,0,18,8,0,1,11,0,19,11,0,2,2,37,33,17,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,1,1,13,15,4,4,3,1,0,4,11,4,0,1,5,1,15,4,27,27,6,49,0,1,1,0,6,17,0,4,28,128,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217062997896563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641423776169216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354234606065327,0.06595232384230013,0.0,0.1552383818190823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725280029757827,0.07875515507630178,0.0,0.0,0.08026130406657048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125028319380677,0.0,0.40771545833574346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060830060654040376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476261606447053,0.09652442955327876,0.0,0.09239991511512888,0.0,0.09651522914118564,0.1575883057711125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459793868270147,0.0,0.07947058002648595,0.0,0.0,0.18453055692771095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985589854706588,0.0,0.16081655801375513,0.07911304445395459,0.0,0.20798126992447485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966668678260168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786653066519421,0.0,0.0,0.21295672233494414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676759337169528,0.0,0.0,0.05183705250278696,0.07688523855840958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890713865068248,0.08328829191374773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296084722584247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505742710410751,0.0,0.0693377208429938,0.0,0.07274714891807202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391521080152597,0.07173633617664167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854669601518212,0.1035375273173378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025768536750982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085052203045987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055070266994419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516263673885723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604871183702426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328713621658244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07532588615626633,0.15771528132226628,0.10804584087640524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951542462152816,0.0,0.0,0.09267115075120548,0.0,0.22000029514629355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403862942274936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565963505335724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074044899425427 ptsd,yvesexcelsior,2019/08/20,"TW: Reporting Abuse I (19) am moving away from home to study abroad for a year. I'm happy to be away from the place where my trauma happened, but I also have a lot of fear. I was sexually abused twice in childhood and assaulted by a friend as a teenager, and I have a lot of trust issues. My family only knows about one of those events and they don't want me to disclose it because the police would have to get involved (in Ireland child sex abuse is always reported to the police because of the risk that the abuser will act again). I've put off reporting my abuse because of the long waiting lists for counselling, financial burdens, timing, and now this move abroad. Now I regret it because I feel guilty that someone else could be being abused and I've enabled it in a sense. But I worry that if I report this they will try to stop me from going abroad, which will only worsen my mental health even further. I'm also worried that my family will find out about my report of the incidents they don't know about, one of which involved a relative. I don't know what to do. I don't have a choice about getting the police involved, and I know my family will push against it. I feel guilty, sick, and like my PTSD is only getting worse the longer I hold onto these secrets. My abuse is a taboo and I can't tell any of my friends, so I have no outlet for advice. I can't access diagnosis or treatment without disclosing and therefore starting this destructive process. What do I do in this situation? I feel too afraid to do the right thing, and I feel like reporting will harm me. Advice needed!",5.259999999999998,5.834059872611466,5.715165605095542,82.05109235668793,68.10828025477707,8.318216560509553,29.07579617834395,8.238735603445708,1.9402629299363048,1256,42,243,16,20,404,156,314,0.273,0.667,0.059000000000000004,-0.9979,0,0,0,0,7,0,33.0,0,0,3,1,14,15,2,3,19,0,31,3,0,1,0,38,50,18,0,6,5,0,4,2,2,7,2,0,1,1,19,11,0,4,10,0,0,6,8,9,0,3,1,4,35,6,39,38,2,29,0,1,0,1,11,13,0,4,12,172,54,6,0.0,0.6729169797249958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856719382441742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976630113729812,0.06751032055113812,0.0,0.0,0.055174174388644665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245687963619392,0.0,0.0,0.19783510932590653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477921663516284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06777738047188178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053588506169838485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294588753432577,0.09129875698970756,0.1640959623339323,0.05796243175160583,0.0,0.0,0.07415537195693603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536847274456708,0.0,0.12716812629872246,0.0,0.046110549406324274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174688219256667,0.08636907775653073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624207345250935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138441874761831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468323448436077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835737812298205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927633941275744,0.0,0.0,0.0718013910725338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795513140165602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176439243964005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724660546987196,0.0,0.06016012973676859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995753877137386,0.18511910234373488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476817968674735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484177210403916,0.08156248172519964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928833450456467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911984652816076,0.0,0.0,0.06874491404262573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742734609498777,0.0,0.0,0.06783199156880973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07091504196389001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539020903591687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04731012125263285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055084931969351235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0478551713885849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821066655531546,0.0,0.0,0.1647918436272788,0.08268288536274403,0.0576355500795115,0.0,0.0,0.0522478936666271 ptsd,Silencespeaksgirl,2019/08/20,"NSFW! Need advice about trauma. I’m a 22(f). Exactly three years ago this week I was raped. Around this time every year I become very depressed. I tend to be more jumpy. Sometimes, I have memories come back about it. Lately, when my husband I and have been having sex I become very depressed afterwards. During sex, I have become emotionally distant. I feel as if I’m not close to him during lovemaking. How do I become more emotionally bonded to my husband through this time? I didn’t know if anyone else experienced these emotions years down the road after a trauma. Does anyone have any advice on what I or my husband can do to become closer as a couple?",3.090843672456576,5.754743419354838,4.307419354838712,81.16959057071962,78.51612903225806,6.073449131513648,22.44168734491315,7.321109707123232,1.1650727047146403,520,16,88,7,13,170,78,124,0.168,0.8320000000000001,0.0,-0.9654,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,0,4,0,12,3,0,1,1,13,19,8,0,3,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,3,2,15,0,13,15,2,19,0,2,0,3,4,6,0,3,12,61,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331552953060629,0.1057514067462528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08112744264805004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683333449149482,0.12223597138306375,0.0,0.10620144436870582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173360296895408,0.0,0.0,0.6587821207721433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276556521354184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320021259936328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550418810622653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439939964932188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965904534131677,0.4025861107432743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051459211273674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06032118251216888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556363608907391,0.0,0.13457452090105568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884587314445329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798980758728606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912846693670472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968684149557677,0.0,0.0,0.09569449920023436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304740239734195 ptsd,DaddyXaZa,2019/08/20,"Parents who have had to watch their child die, how have you coped with the memories? Parents who have had to watch their child die, how have you coped with the memories? Maybe you have an answer. I sure don't. I suffer from PTSD from these memories, but they are literally all the memories I have of my daughter, who only visited for 12 days. It is very difficult to separate the horror from the beauty. What are some things folks have done?",4.082857142857144,6.09297204761905,4.401904761904763,84.87642857142858,72.57142857142857,8.609523809523811,25.095238095238088,9.23628265651192,2.0255666666666667,348,11,68,8,7,109,51,84,0.14800000000000002,0.7609999999999999,0.091,-0.7509999999999999,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,3,0,2,3,0,0,6,0,14,0,0,2,2,9,14,3,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,2,10,1,10,11,2,2,0,1,2,0,15,0,0,1,1,52,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292847146733042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5243898329894129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585329949909749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538054968508606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19214006161196334,0.0,0.0,0.561041839368976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953164266368528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23810520020223835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16783925858813134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20845007264293505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Daisy13892,2019/08/20,"Medical PTSD - My Story I have begun to realize over the past couple of years that I have medical PTSD resulting from the treatment of a heart condition that I was born with. I have had various hospital appointments over the course of my life (now in my mid-twenties) as well as tests and a second surgery several years ago. I will require more of all of these in the future. Since I was a child I have had severe reactions when going to the hospital or even thinking about my condition and I would break down in tears as a child during appointments. I hate being touched and having to undress during appointments, I feel like I am being violated. My brain and body react to the doctors and nurses as if they were going to hurt me, I am physically and mentally terrified of even going near them and I am completely unable to consciously override this reaction. I cannot stand sounds, sights and smells that remind me of anything to do with my condition, and I will actively go out of my way to avoid them. I have flashbacks where I involuntarily replay experiences in the hospital and similar nightmares several times per week. I've also had issues with malpractice, administrative errors and one doctor being almost emotionally abusive, deliberately exaggerating the severity of her condition so they could exercise power and authority over me as a terrified child. I've been diagnosed with a number of mental health conditions after short consultations with a GP - depression, anxiety, insomnia, health anxiety, social anxiety, but since becoming aware of the symptoms of ptsd and briefly seeing a therapist last year, it has become clear to me that undiagnosed ptsd is likely at the root of my problems. I feel like I am constantly in fight or flight mode, I can't calm down, slow down my breathing or untense my muscles because I have so much adrenaline flowing through my body all the time. I also think I'm seeing physical symptoms from being in this state for so much of my life - tiredness, poor concentration, autoimmune disorders, etc. I',m currently contacting therapists with experience working with ptsd to see if I can finally start to get a handle on this. For a long time I've struggled with feeling like my symptoms weren't legitimate, being told by doctors and my parents that I was just making it up for attention, I was a clever girl and I needed to stop messing around, that nothing was really wrong etc, all while my trust in people continues to get worse and I use substances to try and temper down my mental and physical reactions. I think by posting my story here I just want some sort of validation that my ptsd is real and valid, that I deserve help and treatment. I would really appreciate a conversation with anybody with medical ptsd, or anyone that can relate in general, feel free to DM me! Thank you for reading this small essay, it really means a lot to me.",11.969723208595099,9.161338535372852,11.563392515706095,56.516896112173356,56.57170172084129,15.54507875808067,45.55485750705636,13.780255336394262,6.367374469634888,2326,108,368,73,21,773,265,523,0.10300000000000001,0.8079999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.29600000000000004,3,1,0,1,1,0,49.0,0,1,4,3,16,21,4,2,24,0,40,21,5,5,4,76,66,39,0,8,9,1,5,4,0,4,16,1,0,4,17,32,0,3,11,2,2,5,3,11,1,2,12,11,61,11,78,44,11,59,0,2,4,0,18,24,0,10,29,275,78,8,0.0,0.07405767659836507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540651650680516,0.0,0.06258928285174109,0.0,0.0,0.0999697397566586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344743998134618,0.0,0.0,0.04370463800811754,0.0,0.05143592285384671,0.055642305492732864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03810219644990024,0.13806274005047495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885693944314606,0.0,0.0697757546360891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553483649189235,0.06754521857139137,0.0,0.049904800952950065,0.0691601010126397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383508144646357,0.06344080739501262,0.0,0.0,0.07163563492290449,0.1919281810979397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030921124869766,0.0,0.0,0.13941820183362233,0.08256733788040513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228289652455512,0.0,0.0,0.1264167238016971,0.1339597992796368,0.0,0.0684706845671493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531210018834467,0.0,0.14209111560664972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617103074910542,0.0,0.1328788377808502,0.0,0.07406819836649788,0.04189548553211133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691241864600597,0.0,0.0,0.06523851600113438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094955452059263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829763104617416,0.12214627296140118,0.0,0.0,0.05531456408002791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313913729315359,0.0,0.0,0.041722275674007096,0.0,0.0,0.06808578399768085,0.0,0.1889002893960086,0.18896966998166329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09189607926468067,0.04634633537984805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05997480607221847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042354703952093474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940391117205348,0.0,0.05966767007892874,0.04333278822968327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059862085628097174,0.0,0.0,0.059808417503585426,0.5114513579059831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062521469404007,0.0711438673324717,0.12012605494529335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494241130120955,0.0,0.0,0.2824494227660436,0.0,0.10340882724280877,0.0,0.0,0.06371552221789054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04424104558514989,0.0,0.0,0.05225660656794892,0.0,0.06534333185384221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19489849496085213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057545796293143964,0.0,0.14514521128425625,0.0,0.12015118464645685,0.0,0.0,0.109340725628241,0.0,0.0,0.05972578066976812,0.0,0.042436489791466254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05398386680954343,0.0,0.0,0.036866805848657,0.049613206239831655,0.050137383630937976,0.0,0.0561991012458942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550406030825927,0.0,0.06369748123819614,0.08880288475024642,0.06833891852668933,0.0,0.1207526519653183 ptsd,EyeOfSolace,2019/08/20,Need advice I’m looking for some advice on a friend when someone can,4.41,5.605222857142858,5.041428571428573,83.85357142857143,70.42857142857143,5.6000000000000005,28.285714285714285,3.1291,0.9829428571428572,56,2,10,0,1,18,13,14,0.0,0.775,0.225,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,4,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7731765600269954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30564949203747643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33221514058391194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29334190155473283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.335201468077214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,milliepop90,2019/08/20,"PTSD and relationship issues. I'm posting this in a hurry and running on 2 hours of sleep, so it'll probably sound jumbled but I need to get some of it off my chest and into a safe space. Some background: I was diagnosed with PTSD about 7 years ago. At the time, I had horrible flashbacks that kept me up for days and I ended up having some kind of manic episode which landed me in a couple of different mental hospitals; in hindsight, it probably happened due to the lack of sleep. But I kept my trauma a secret for years, and didn't tell any of the doctors so I was misdiagnosed with everything from bipolar disorder to schizoaffective disorder. Finally, I found a decent therapist at the last mental hospital I stayed at and we had a couple of illuminating sessions where my trauma finally came out and I learned about PTSD and flashbacks. However, I didn't continue therapy after I got out of the hospital because I couldn't find a good therapist that I ""clicked"" with. So I'm sure lots of my trauma is still unprocessed. Over the next few years after this bad episode, I went through a physically/emotionally abusive 4 year relationship, finally left him, moved out on my own, was single for a couple of years to try to get my shit together in an effort to prevent falling back into the same old patterns. I think I made a lot of progress, but last fall I met an amazing guy and we started a serious relationship. Being in this relationship, as good as it is, has weirdly brought up a lot of old trauma: insecurities, nightmares, etc.. no flashbacks, thank goodness. But my insecurity and jealousy is starting to negatively affect the relationship. I know the core of it is that I feel damaged, not good enough, and that I dont measure up. I re-enact old patterns despite my best efforts not to. And my current boyfriend, as patient and kind and understand as he is, becomes extremely frustrated at times. He has said that he walks on eggshells and has to watch what he says in order not to upset me. My emotions are even more volatile when I've been drinking or am hungover; unfortunately alcohol is a coping mechanism I've turned to for years. (I'm working on that problem to get a handle on it before it spirals out into full blown addiction.) I know my behavior is toxic and I have to get my shit together soon before I end up pushing my SO away. It would be a terrible shame to lose him. We talk about marriage and starting a family in the future. He's everything I've ever wanted, but I cant stop feeling like I don't deserve something this good. I'm moving in with him in less than 2 weeks which is a big deal in itself, since it involves me quitting my full time job and moving to a brand new town an hour away. I am 100% sure this is what I want, but I'm self-sabatoging and I cant seem to stop. Any little thing he says triggers a strong reaction of jealousy or fear in my brain. Typing this I feel like it reads like more of a question for the relationship advice sub, but I dont know if I'm even looking for advice. I know I need to get a handle on this problem and get into therapy again (a challenge in itself since my insurance is running out at the end of the month until i can find another full time job). I guess I just know that the root of all this is my previous trauma, how it made me feel like I'm not worthy of love that isnt abusive.. and I'm looking for people who can relate in some way. I feel like I'm going crazy. It's only gotten really bad as we approach moving day so I'm sure the anxiety from that is contributing. Thanks for giving me a space to vent and for reading if you've made it this far.",6.1250711382113865,5.952104180555558,7.0576693766937675,75.74060975609757,66.22222222222221,10.135501355013552,34.50542005420054,9.80557183005822,3.2659728997289967,2870,122,550,56,41,964,313,720,0.20800000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0.068,-0.9988,5,0,3,0,0,0,74.0,4,0,0,9,20,45,3,5,41,0,41,13,6,7,5,111,100,46,0,11,16,0,5,5,0,2,5,4,0,1,39,40,2,6,19,3,0,15,15,22,0,0,21,13,67,23,106,74,22,121,0,2,4,1,34,54,2,14,53,370,106,10,0.0,0.12138456543554332,0.0,0.05584192237847251,0.0,0.10011136103151644,0.04540714911264363,0.0547430752551976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966840439837428,0.0537130240556038,0.03918636114616575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962536155864492,0.039388236211798114,0.08554010930310438,0.03122578759318616,0.05657308760425405,0.08717601680820067,0.0,0.05375662164037257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057183131063996626,0.0,0.05858682110414488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17003575846213248,0.0,0.06607072301768398,0.052809885256686916,0.0,0.05199146928607273,0.0,0.05351837057797287,0.11741470721494328,0.052430123671838205,0.0,0.0,0.12006872611711054,0.050180199828747815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11524062657033708,0.13610827070147022,0.05292827596035032,0.057128506525928185,0.06766618187427656,0.04633520776897028,0.0,0.0,0.09207398864265476,0.0,0.04828960257023287,0.05764144904302292,0.12950243468407088,0.14637827135353132,0.0,0.16834077180813956,0.09363595376011552,0.0,0.0,0.056164674654540975,0.0,0.0,0.1605751340682737,0.049138905634534366,0.02911188466947107,0.21482207937169664,0.04096865998295337,0.0,0.0564292145953901,0.05071999638217276,0.04529737742612226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089100735435766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053464740444154425,0.10166419873575497,0.0,0.0,0.10668421170660564,0.14075736162106287,0.08350909478509334,0.0,0.0,0.05565522663805045,0.0,0.0,0.1251277462379087,0.05134009022080498,0.0,0.0,0.08603082814091202,0.05730676012427801,0.0,0.13064691030473513,0.04623182668519564,0.1454086865494192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324386039285413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040886655580228144,0.2177728072396026,0.0,0.07596416790284502,0.0,0.04947263685385722,0.054477501633988235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612534952582265,0.0,0.0,0.0389583007716066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03551239999667132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04905860934200758,0.0,0.11045666991613257,0.09802925370494987,0.17963499244029998,0.0,0.05738281015348343,0.0544832258178175,0.10247609353389504,0.0,0.032815524437121706,0.0,0.0,0.3299736259945157,0.0,0.0,0.04872592994137013,0.08147105544272612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04663257397338521,0.05343799629998368,0.0,0.10516177912057977,0.08474634996410774,0.0,0.10252235653739676,0.0,0.0,0.039434880027087005,0.0,0.0,0.10877022489967036,0.05459816537556464,0.04090770013034422,0.08565142427823172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448345638115196,0.0,0.0,0.04117205938456447,0.04477219529074437,0.09432069430922152,0.11715863904451368,0.1189504532550952,0.034031072242316544,0.032822389261934315,0.0,0.0,0.11947693630529055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034777859018471566,0.05571720364032722,0.0,0.0533261828687458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042670270639534,0.04065937358490465,0.041088951231362865,0.0,0.0,0.04748533247963253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037291816593343866,0.0,0.0,0.03638819117054663,0.0,0.0,0.19792017326564568 ptsd,justababykitten,2019/08/20,"Trigger warning but I'd really appreciate some advice How can I stop dreaming about my abuse? Lately I've been dreaming that my sexual abuse happens again or that I'm having sex & it's like it's morphing between my boyfriend and abuser at the same time. It's happening more & more frequently but I don't know how to prevent it or at least deal with it once I've woken up. (Basic summary of abuse: ~13 years ago (so I was a child who didn't even really know what sex was) I was repeatedly sexually abused by a family member most nights for I don't remember how long. Because they're a family member, I see them a few times a year however I really don't associate the events that happened with the person he is today. I've had as much free therapy as I'm entitled to at this point.)",4.201597967250144,5.039734173913047,6.1691134952004525,76.90207227555057,70.61490683229816,10.326595143986447,28.300959909655557,10.436869588844218,2.9893428571428573,626,22,124,18,11,219,103,161,0.184,0.725,0.091,-0.9626,1,0,0,0,5,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,7,2,0,0,8,0,12,2,0,4,0,19,21,11,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,11,3,0,2,3,2,1,0,4,0,0,0,7,1,11,3,15,14,8,19,0,0,1,2,6,5,0,4,15,76,22,0,0.0,0.6922100975326669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417941767984027,0.10357589370003978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532026536658706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122752517293134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046189132219327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717490965476717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203018176817844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099764975911389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842972800247193,0.0,0.13180606008416454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057084482935108614,0.0,0.0,0.10340399957310667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858943959795771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965095970033878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244359328523584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202440053072953,0.0,0.0,0.11045613398281832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456137440242546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236241730358309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311020328365552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768751165473286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362224870815484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13626632255269022,0.0,0.1107552385842872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15048848201121565 ptsd,taway17358,2019/08/20,I’m feeling suicidal and there’s 10 people ahead of me on the suicide hotline Doesn’t that make you feel like you *REALLY* matter?,0.19115384615384912,2.2548865769230773,2.3226153846153856,87.67238461538462,106.30769230769228,5.1569230769230785,20.584615384615386,6.742157984588678,1.0886707692307689,105,4,19,2,5,35,25,26,0.28,0.561,0.159,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,1,3.0,0,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,5,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599219876409958,0.2542652890153365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388177776292346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375755981945896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24674620256919794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280078519315919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7786250824974829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,spacejamisraw,2019/08/20,"Which treatment should help my major depressive disorder/ptsd the most? Which treatments have you had success with? I’m in a desperate spot right now as I’ve been barely able to function due to suicidal thoughts for some time. I may need to take a drastic step in treatment as anti depressants and anti psychotics have largely been unhelpful. Any suggestions on what could be of help would be greatly appreciated. Here are some of the treatments I’m weighing: Transcranial magnetic stimulation EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Medical marijuana Cbd oil",8.806556390977441,11.294549294736845,8.334436090225566,59.48105263157896,61.31578947368421,11.74436090225564,43.04511278195488,11.491704259439757,6.103616541353383,473,28,63,15,7,150,74,95,0.158,0.725,0.11800000000000001,-0.5052,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,0,12,3,1,1,0,13,17,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,4,2,3,2,12,7,4,9,0,2,1,0,4,4,0,4,3,41,6,1,0.2583974323662595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571911483457212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630932375402275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451146597271852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848840814068727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3463967042619929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26030822832037204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915984219576045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020527706689869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22066999538120186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28264485140833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428271118219065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20513869802552767,0.15067362078987215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18355812216847192,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwawayptsdgirl,2019/08/20,"PTSD & the subconscious Throwaway because maybe I’m an emotional idiot, or maybe my life is about to change. I don’t know. Also, I’m sorry for the length or any formatting issues, as I’m on mobile. I need some help from this lovely community. Before I go into detail, I’m waiting on being seen by a psychiatrist so my brain chemicals can be settled. I’ve not considered seeking therapy recently as I have felt at peace, but now I’m not so sure. I do have the diagnoses of panic disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and depression. I know a ton of symptoms of one diagnosis could be related to a different diagnosis, but I’m the first person in my family to have any mental health issues. For that reason, I’m so new to the world of mental health that I have no clue what’s considered a symptom and what isn’t. I think I’ve been experiencing some phenomenon where I’m processing my subconscious thoughts in my sleep. This isn’t a PTSD nightmare, as I’m not waking up with the typical symptoms that accompany them. In fact, I wake up calm and clear headed. I have made some small life decisions based on these dreams before, but now I’m starting to have dreams that could cause larger life decisions if I react to them. Before I go off the deep end, my question is, is this even a thing? Am I dreaming normally about a random subject, or is this actually my brain trying to process my deepest thoughts and feelings? And if the latter is the case, is it typical to want to change the situation based upon what one has subconsciously come to? Is it even healthy, for that matter? I really appreciate any help. I know this may sound like common sense to some, but I really am a novice when it comes to this sort of thing.",6.220850746268656,6.496300838805977,7.321604477611937,72.40389925373134,65.98507462686567,11.117910447761195,32.57089552238806,10.899274998029325,3.625629850746268,1371,53,255,37,20,465,167,335,0.083,0.8029999999999999,0.115,0.8355,1,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,2,1,12,7,1,1,19,0,28,16,6,4,3,54,57,22,0,7,12,0,2,1,0,1,9,1,0,1,20,9,0,1,12,3,0,4,7,3,0,3,6,5,26,4,40,45,5,29,0,1,1,1,7,16,0,13,10,169,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.08889711363606735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284989588210992,0.0,0.0987030979271579,0.0,0.18584637880714872,0.0,0.06968862839650927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055531624889921735,0.0,0.2325494201071913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033878040578242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358127336288076,0.1927361888423887,0.15694326143013368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454664006244022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784613441572665,0.09246110322290456,0.0,0.0951765290398738,0.208809127973541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247138247010867,0.08068452408076633,0.0,0.0,0.12033685358173332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587774088999213,0.0,0.04606116405388399,0.0,0.08746699516947253,0.0,0.0,0.07748669778305486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354456261378647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09349136444668656,0.1936627927777705,0.0,0.0,0.12212022423481265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901623075044345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501928811123069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303260898773028,0.04450518371502097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221821306497262,0.08619777924577281,0.0,0.0,0.1830375019880414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360783728556773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675469540114391,0.0,0.08798163709674403,0.0,0.0,0.08925529912975333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345878985133933,0.0,0.0,0.10688219963262012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954201309306055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194610540255972,0.0,0.10204900930243244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671759363443247,0.09366244834205982,0.08994687508261896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10239636395806516,0.09116236106255754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197515440016064,0.06447862268000311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585744122198748,0.2840526563345846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417686946434876,0.0,0.12104102948388255,0.05837100515224353,0.0,0.14464100549390616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06184859279289311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373111851882632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,narcfree1234,2019/08/20,"Humming randomly... I’ve noticed something and wondered if anyone has experienced this or is familiar. I hum the notes of a tune randomly when I feel awkward or at the end of a conversation with someone. It’s not a tune I recognise, basically just made up jumble of notes and it changes day to day. It seems to just happen unconsciously: but I became conscious of it recently and now it’s puzzling me. Is this a coping mechanism of some sort?",4.307142857142857,6.372964952380958,5.9471428571428575,73.79785714285714,72.09523809523809,9.085714285714287,34.61904761904762,9.606745405546679,3.763661904761905,352,19,61,9,7,120,56,84,0.018000000000000002,0.982,0.0,-0.0772,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,6,0,3,0,0,1,0,21,8,8,0,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,10,7,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,10,6,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20551505833823092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31092741987268885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791069892829189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603250696899853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486143207627545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25991167636886603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781133450922457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346288265946136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902096379826201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26757289634671194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490366870952843,0.22627327138225284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187427101619154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SpiceyMama,2019/08/20,my anxiety has been through the roof lately I was recently diagnosed with PTSD but I have suspected it since late last year. My husband was diagnosed with bipolar disorder about 5 months ago. It explains his behavior and due to him being undiagnosed for so long it has caused some damage to my mental health along the way. His temper can be really bad at times. Since he’s started medication he hasn’t been as bad and I hadn’t seen a bad outburst of anger since before starting his meds...until 2 days ago. I could tell he was starting a manic episode a little over a week ago because he was oddly cheerful and goofing around nonstop (only part of mania I like). Then it turned into him having all these grand ideas of what we will do in the next month because he gets an extra paycheck so to him that means we can throw away money. He impulsively bought things we didn’t need and I was waiting for the anger to show up. Then Saturday night he had a huge outburst. He was screaming at me as loud as he could over something so small. It was really scary for me and times like that make me consider taking him to a hospital. Thankfully he went to sleep soon after. The next morning he wasn’t any better and it was making me panic since I knew we would have to drive a couple hours home and I had no clue how he was going to act. I drove and he had calmed down prior to us driving home. I ended up calling his doctor today to inform him of what’s going on and that I’m concerned about his mania. He made me feel like my concerns weren’t sensationalized or stupid but real concerns that needed addressed. He sent in a new script for my husband and I’m hoping it helps. I love him so much and want him to be healthy. I sometimes wish I didn’t love him because then I would leave. I don’t ever want to give up on him and hopefully it won’t get bad enough that I’ll have to leave. I’m scared of the unknowns and it’s making my anxiety so bad that I’m taking Xanax every night to get some sleep. I really need therapy but we can’t afford it unfortunately. I guess I just needed to vent as there aren’t many people who understand what it’s like to be in my shoes.,3.9394332844574786,4.925786856818185,4.990483870967741,84.5635483870968,71.3409090909091,7.768328445747803,25.784457478005862,8.049812674583475,1.4192749266862164,1707,51,349,23,31,561,217,440,0.166,0.7040000000000001,0.131,-0.9609,3,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,6,0,0,1,13,26,4,2,15,0,42,13,4,6,2,62,86,30,0,13,5,2,1,4,0,4,7,2,3,0,23,23,0,1,8,1,2,9,11,13,0,0,26,4,50,13,52,50,7,64,0,1,1,2,47,19,0,6,39,220,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043263179778036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052249806577061166,0.0,0.11755571599649292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839861759900769,0.0,0.0,0.07218814382452153,0.0,0.32076622137855154,0.14051201913260233,0.0,0.06538013975950065,0.0,0.0,0.0679534965547488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845618237740899,0.0,0.0,0.0789297611903352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269151561957595,0.08501544392135416,0.0,0.04955162283235999,0.0,0.0,0.15596994002164394,0.0,0.0,0.08805850793141197,0.0786429327418002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06805218596199163,0.07939013977045109,0.0,0.0,0.06950082076784679,0.06473602303534373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038849617538587414,0.054890279398196316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042790083403647,0.07370624709966217,0.08733315230679066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464139729812477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167103009022493,0.0,0.0,0.05150026169224605,0.0,0.15414168621704918,0.15262714848482786,0.07566608802301,0.0,0.0,0.08673631976771562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263002702051858,0.1733443692483962,0.1627123854879063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014899439280144,0.077007929400735,0.0,0.06799573962045426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138691507168323,0.07270226068226095,0.15386202749414313,0.07789769369408713,0.0,0.08369483367640529,0.0,0.07740224842904203,0.07743067725434542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265645318552415,0.0,0.056481886658110485,0.2278859758013159,0.0,0.07420682958921185,0.16342782343060766,0.1442071512842384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058435777235481476,0.0,0.09014823360852743,0.0,0.08320381711178465,0.0,0.05326707413315191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981492342695828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874539998495175,0.14766563001156754,0.0,0.07586438092756337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692431410141731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542317672967916,0.0,0.1537791297263724,0.0,0.0,0.05915062564151364,0.07599086601614381,0.0,0.16315066381752352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553932638567198,0.0,0.06715636920848991,0.07073849439253041,0.08786646230483232,0.0,0.051045146149852914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960513544525736,0.0,0.07282972027647869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08357341145851649,0.0,0.07998698303617184,0.09242193335303836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063745770449744,0.060987313365405936,0.0616316613774237,0.0,0.0,0.07122595841641345,0.0,0.0,0.08835539576678544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916144652766316,0.0,0.0,0.0494786259765397 ptsd,calpky,2019/08/20,"Dealing with almost being murdered. I’ve looked all over reddit (and the internet) for forms or blogs concerning someone with PTSD stemming from almost being murdered and how to deal with it, but have had little luck. Two weeks ago a group of people tried to murder me. I was in the desert at a lake (Colorado river) about an hour outside of Vegas. This group of people who I greatly misjudged, drugged me and plotted to drown me to make it look like an accident. I narrowly escaped, running and hiding for hours. I was chased throughout the night and left in the desert to die. While running I fell off a cliff and was injured badly but my fight or flight instincts/survival mode was in full effect. My phone was dead at this point but I had managed to contact family, friends and 911 when I initially figured out what was going on. When day broke the following morning I made my way to the only road and found a storm drain run off to hide in from the sun and people still chasing me, at this point, just watching me to ensure I died. After flagging down two helicopters (who apparently never sent help) I flagged down a car on the way to the lake. I used one of these peoples phones to contact friends and family and a was picked up soon and taken to the hospital. Ive left out many, many details of how they played cat and mouse with me and bullied me. I can’t stop having horrible flashbacks and going into fear and mania. How am I suppose to live with this memory? These people (who were my coworkers) still want me dead but I have no real case other than their word against mine. Obviously therapy, pills and breathing are solutions but I really just want to talk to someone who can actually relate to the situation. Obviously not the same circumstances, but have been almost murdered and how you live with ptsd of that.",5.781460969803286,6.7911172074928,5.902558576619472,79.61568725723596,67.12680115273776,8.570805663450697,31.225285051998497,8.716276077567194,2.498490139080315,1449,56,262,22,23,459,195,347,0.218,0.7170000000000001,0.065,-0.997,1,0,1,0,1,0,36.0,0,1,2,1,12,14,5,1,20,0,22,4,1,9,4,63,35,33,9,2,11,0,0,1,2,0,3,0,0,0,15,27,0,1,3,2,0,9,4,8,0,3,15,3,32,6,54,18,4,51,0,1,3,0,21,25,0,6,16,190,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.09828709960401708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928121154130818,0.0,0.30256623344036065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409605913609898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06495534639044845,0.20767348883225095,0.0,0.0,0.2090605953563288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680192656989186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989759571222065,0.11333674335710887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043305507996642,0.15563031621696138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144817230032828,0.0,0.0,0.1110429225732846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750974329813413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983756202767616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188627191953622,0.0,0.0,0.04920615806044135,0.10094677919951604,0.17787323548121214,0.0,0.16915698775248447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530264108526733,0.06723063558739137,0.2042262750519687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768061064027637,0.0,0.0,0.09451784753183012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824972082213268,0.0766012480512942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491289541848281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042379673237214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354699656141141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464013747186265,0.06452309463079295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321224291530058,0.0,0.0,0.17067756313120294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086845795781007,0.08420549494121202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0809540218961038,0.0,0.0,0.11518081888907207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838150927025193,0.0,0.19677542466620548,0.0,0.0,0.08698877562260532,0.0,0.0,0.1188132118510649,0.15989192033023464,0.08079061157962714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Awkward_Status,2019/08/20,"Advice on touch? Due to traumatic events, I can no longer stand physical touch no matter who it is, my mom, my sister, anyone. It makes me extremely uncomfortable and most of the time triggers flashbacks. I have not had any sort of physical contact in so long, I crave a hug or anything now but I just can't stand it. Any advice at all?",1.9815584415584409,4.402377848484849,3.462900432900433,87.02863636363638,81.12121212121212,6.8017316017316025,23.064935064935064,7.957251820313856,1.3596389610389616,262,9,52,5,7,86,53,66,0.121,0.83,0.05,-0.561,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,2,1,11,6,4,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,7,1,6,5,2,10,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,3,5,35,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6250715415609008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349929567101841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22363371468242246,0.0,0.2631941830472949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28304093123841784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213490098974147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745829437968923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864963975812164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,amethysttwilight,2019/08/20,"Has homelessness created sleep anxiety/insomnia for anyone else? When I was 13, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was too weak to keep up with the bills, and by the time she told me about her tumor, we had a week to move out. After that, we lived in and out of motels, in friend's guest rooms, and sometimes a hotel. During that time, I began to be fiercely afraid of sleeping and dreaming. I was afraid to let my guard down. If I went to sleep, I was afraid that I would be attacked or my mother would die in the middle of the night. I also live in Albuquerque, so living in a motel here is NOT fun. It's been 6 years and I am still not completely recovered. I sleep much, much easier, but there are some nights where I will close my eyes, drift off slightly, and be slapped with a hyperventilating panic attack. I will stay up until dawn and begin to cry hysterically, afraid that I will be awake for too long and have horrible hallucinations. I have NEVER had any sleep induced hallucinations, however. Nothing has made me feel more alone than this sleep anxiety. My mother is a hibernating grizzly bear, so she never understood the fear. Everyone just told me to ""meditate"". I was 13. I didn't even understand my body yet. I know they were trying to help, and I'm thankful. Medical marijuana has DRASTICALLY improved my sleep. It's not perfect yet, but I'm never going to quit trying. Yes, I am also in therapy.",4.346364268335073,5.965985197080298,5.605140771637123,78.11575425790754,71.11678832116789,8.868682655543969,26.55126868265555,9.362217197678863,2.3053575251998604,1120,37,211,25,21,374,159,274,0.13699999999999998,0.782,0.081,-0.9337,1,1,0,0,0,0,43.0,2,0,1,2,16,13,2,6,10,1,31,14,10,2,4,40,46,19,1,3,8,3,1,0,2,5,4,0,1,0,7,17,0,2,5,4,1,4,7,9,0,0,17,2,34,4,34,19,4,39,0,0,1,1,15,16,0,3,18,154,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646283564252783,0.0,0.1489647828691693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333700533772696,0.0,0.0712502830088847,0.0,0.0,0.0651242258617687,0.09543084459765644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191574631865276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345527498808917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765337703333396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230767354004568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945330669225173,0.09666249591000148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780481278226843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151674291330071,0.0,0.0,0.08899731029429872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048060967446946,0.047093350092714564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195815538147446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052932447947512014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06242841004368727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278529658087755,0.0,0.0,0.05118618599811458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523987243652976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24672757007932586,0.08242416202884315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812938792617013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382669416530584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899090967891007,0.13693423157360313,0.0,0.2155012051554885,0.0,0.0,0.17480732865790324,0.0,0.08936838273177054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927732612423972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906368300635908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6524365484646985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211582208222037,0.0,0.0,0.09927267092406478,0.07438009364170847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857489183297656,0.10651137212920507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861898471554544,0.0,0.0,0.17799462058859747,0.0,0.12646911961365664,0.0,0.0,0.09695989905797736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470965198459925,0.0,0.0,0.08633982025850467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13232506633683844,0.0,0.0,0.05997779136191695 ptsd,PaisleyBeth,2019/06/11,Advice for Psychiatry Appointment So I have been waiting to get into a Psychiatrist for months now after a scary incident with being prescribed Xanax by a GP for my PTSD. It left me extremely suicidal. I unfortunately have a pretty bad history with being forcefully medicated as a child in response to how I was acting out because I was being abused at home. So least to say I don't do well with being medicated. I really have not done well with SSRI's. Even the lowest doses make me feel like I am in heavy fog. I have however in the past had a good experience with topomax/mood stabilizers helping with my hyper arousal...without feeling the fog or feeling altered. As the hyper arousal and anxiety are absolutely the worst parts of my symptoms. I don't want to walk into this appointment overly defensive and I don't want to walk out with a SSRI in hand. Any advice? (Not the slightest clue if this NP has much experience with PTSD).,5.30870925684485,6.907522322033903,6.853333333333335,70.17809647979142,68.71751412429379,9.965927857453279,32.259452411994786,10.214889679676881,3.659797392438072,749,33,127,20,13,257,106,177,0.172,0.711,0.11599999999999999,-0.8874,2,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,1,0,13,0,20,7,2,2,0,27,28,9,1,3,4,0,4,1,0,0,5,1,1,1,3,14,0,2,3,0,0,3,5,3,2,0,5,5,15,4,31,19,4,18,0,0,0,1,3,11,0,2,5,99,18,0,0.0,0.18184312265389305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999485550371567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436846036114727,0.0,0.1174081770724934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814545681338418,0.0935571125191753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705850755766254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013689818465315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002565672128969,0.0,0.0,0.2328051547219632,0.10964277812461852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018450477282932,0.0,0.0,0.12872779199821804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287125203207237,0.0,0.15394822987734544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667513520777457,0.0,0.0,0.07498027455105957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244594809440054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30922041730874944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250251255429932,0.0,0.11282199753420373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619878344085293,0.14650953077393994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613954569546284,0.0,0.0,0.3588088029264131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832020098700346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204971096989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678770576454599,0.0,0.0,0.15951959136044422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18104740536628167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759854354145725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794470316310362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nocturmes,2019/06/11,"An analogy for how my trauma makes me feel I've never really found a way to describe the physical sensation of a flashback but I think this is more or less accurate- a flashback or memory feels like your entire body is covered in spiders. You can't escape it and your entire body burns with panic, but a sort of insidious, non life threatening panic but equally as painful. You wish that your could just shrivel up into nothing and your skin would fall off your bones because it's so tainted and suffocating to live in. You're completely surrounded and the only way to escape is to just shrink. And where the most prominent memories are- hands on my back and breasts, my genitals- poisonous spiders crawl and bite and their venom seems to boil your skin and blood. You scrape and scrape away trying to get them off but they're glued tight to your skin and they're always there, even if you're not consiously aware of them.",6.57568831168831,7.370789800000002,6.325402597402598,78.0484155844156,65.28571428571429,9.792207792207792,31.33766233766233,9.800150414767053,2.922085714285714,745,27,135,15,11,233,114,175,0.147,0.8,0.054000000000000006,-0.9563,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,10,3,0,8,6,1,2,8,0,7,15,9,2,1,37,15,21,0,4,10,0,7,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,13,1,1,5,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,7,18,1,21,12,4,15,0,0,0,1,13,10,0,6,3,90,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15240538458164254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17208664677773933,0.14084020534460032,0.0,0.111653802242455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.406903189346665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19204178119438914,0.0,0.0,0.14623988367380208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209767162308678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522433343249825,0.13085090739125174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008275838736042,0.0,0.0,0.09569453992051864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937267603811065,0.08948365892644572,0.0,0.16173532504197088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226199934001382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126575903760316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757487956244739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930288858444145,0.1948971895253689,0.429802081414873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733821172806415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166743726701618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736275822796488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435491600255867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29077080243392645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106271608698888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011296796893054,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,turkeyclaw,2019/06/11,"Vehicle Accident PTSD Hi all. I was in a car accident in 2006. I was the driver. I have done 6 years of therapy and tried a handful of psych meds. I am looking for advice on opening up to my girlfriend about it. I have a hard time talking about it. We've been together nearly two years and I feel like I am ready to share about my accident with her. I am worried to talk about it. Is it dangerous to think about the traumatic event? Is it dangerous to talk about it?",0.3306250000000013,2.6727241458333357,2.64875,90.32125,88.79166666666666,6.95,23.625,8.07648339933343,1.6463500000000004,362,15,78,9,12,123,58,96,0.226,0.703,0.07,-0.9429,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,5,0,11,1,1,0,1,7,14,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,4,11,2,20,10,1,11,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,0,5,57,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22363729532218327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342010938054578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571743279472872,0.16349613251754086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20501172992613384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118084119527529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19218300022616036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542095392900581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26752264305561685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5518419433360594,0.0,0.0,0.2617189586633882,0.0,0.0,0.14664290416029868,0.0,0.0,0.13344888438927668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537949435206813,0.0,0.22356091808907688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324163107834844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947539738597867 ptsd,4amsolitude,2019/06/11,"How to feel valid (tm) enough to look for a therapist specialised in trauma? CW: CSA, but nothing graphic My last therapist basically told me she couldn't help me and I needed someone that was more long term & past-focused and not so much CBT-based. (Which is a nice way of saying 'you need to talk about your childhood because you wouldn't be this fucked if nothing happened) and I took that as meaning trauma-specialised as after ending therapy with her (and nerver looked for a new therapist) I also rediscovered/not blocked out some memories that could/are classified as CSA. Like, i am a law student, I read and understand the law, what happened is standing in the law as CSA. But because I was not r*ped/touched (very) sexually (Internet is a bad place for kids) I don't feel valid (tm) enough to look for someone that can help me with this. Doesn't help that noone besides reddit knows about what happened. Any advice?",5.6615517241379285,6.928411074712647,5.459252873563219,81.74853448275864,67.56321839080461,8.328735632183909,32.31609195402299,8.59863814320734,2.5463540229885058,733,31,135,11,12,227,108,174,0.146,0.8140000000000001,0.04,-0.9625,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,0,0,5,5,1,0,7,0,12,1,0,1,0,28,28,15,0,5,5,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,10,8,0,1,5,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,6,16,2,21,21,6,15,0,0,3,1,12,4,1,2,9,84,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021221099385535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837781445184987,0.0,0.13329044518353642,0.0,0.08365676825136803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027152718935168,0.1499818173651513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982202266477105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895783779840247,0.2542218989624402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440365482641715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372857985589192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263544418841567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2473700328968008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760772595550955,0.10027646032153284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010060347577007,0.0,0.0,0.10886746198991666,0.30991355899743395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13400316218161284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043271950851596,0.18243325204688085,0.0,0.11881199093929015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23607905183789976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174350356435347,0.0,0.0,0.12852810289815642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230517460834889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782921344651234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20846627634206188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887757470864214,0.0,0.0,0.14068232507735273,0.4285017255938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754940611078207,0.13667803054351604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12806655069840642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150310935731603,0.0,0.09764632397171814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,winter_soldier183,2019/06/11,"Insomnia and loss of appetite from my event(s) I think that a lot of things have happened in my life that qualify to have caused PTSD, but usually I forced myself to not feel those emotions or try to rationalize the event in my head so I didn’t have to deal with any feeling other than personal accountability. But this last event, that happened in December, was bad. The things that happened after it were also bad. Talking to the police was bad (and ineffective). The person who did this is still doing it to other people and that’s bad. They’re in my town and that’s bad. I’m so terrified of running into them. I check doors and parking lots constantly and obsessively. I know that’s not normal but it’s better than having to see them. On top of that I’m not sleeping or eating. I can’t fall asleep at night, even after 1-2 doses of light sleeping meds. The most I can manage is four or five cumulative hours per night (max). Food doesn’t taste good anymore. I have to force my self to eat, but it’s sometimes easier to just let myself be hungry because with my intense workout schedule, I’m hoping it will just make me tired enough to sleep at night if that makes sense. Yesterday I tried boxing without headgear + weak defense to see if getting hit hard enough would help me sleep. And when I DO sleep it’s just bad dreams. Not fun. No; therapy is not an option currently. My family doesn’t know my PTSD is this bad but it’s much better if they don’t (it will get tense, lots of explosive fighting, etc). I’m worried because last night, at boxing practice, I think everyone noticed something was wrong. Or at least a lot of people. They said I looked really tired and like something was off. It’s a small, close group too. One guy talked to me after everyone left, and said if something’s going on I can talk to them. I felt horrible because I didn’t know what to say. In my experience, people don’t genuinely care unless they get something out of it. Generally they just don’t. I don’t want them to treat me differently if they find out what I’ve gone through and what I’m dealing with mentally. They’re the only group of people that treats me with respect, and that’s the only place I feel like my hard work is validated. I don’t want that dampened with pity. And that’s assuming they’d want to be involved in this at all... I’m a mess; I’m sorry. This post turned into something it wasn’t intended to at all. This is how my brain is currently working and I can’t fix it. Or the food or insomnia. Any suggestions accepted.",2.815922992299228,4.825957778217823,4.091617161716176,85.71573157315734,76.16831683168317,7.181958195819582,25.083608360836077,8.094773233980128,1.5183258525852583,1998,70,399,34,45,655,230,505,0.159,0.722,0.11900000000000001,-0.9808,3,0,5,0,2,0,64.0,0,0,10,7,12,28,2,1,13,0,41,20,8,5,2,83,79,35,0,11,27,0,6,2,0,3,7,3,1,4,40,23,5,1,12,2,2,4,19,16,0,3,13,14,47,12,60,58,12,50,0,2,3,0,29,25,0,19,22,262,87,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133700506894803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731009038372747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366454591096214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375203100848078,0.11739868426473304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355115577959213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166325086294907,0.0,0.0,0.06545144647590652,0.06594631669430574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937237681368998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236519178909764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707048643791921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137575644685798,0.0,0.07221113795142628,0.0,0.13266193184297742,0.07159479410127771,0.042400428905923764,0.0,0.0,0.12268283232322973,0.0,0.06279537882170592,0.060517670835298985,0.0,0.09737730646900973,0.045861177001453035,0.06163761142016355,0.0,0.058673394751617036,0.0,0.15525056483969166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006182758881104,0.0,0.03648370166765987,0.05384402105468858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356349778111428,0.17030323077039672,0.0,0.11501286408114635,0.0,0.06588295827175047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04302879568084066,0.0,0.0,0.06376047588600679,0.06321949703802772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584027067739296,0.10465557057769943,0.0,0.0,0.0697484449379526,0.0656441035239077,0.045343080252358316,0.06272521914567553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390793319894975,0.0,0.0,0.218306392891971,0.0,0.0,0.08570180068401692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130657158259329,0.0,0.06469382254630326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04719097497413597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24097198128450736,0.0628978214501452,0.0,0.07308684123536872,0.0,0.0,0.0435004363675477,0.09764692591825128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780199147793205,0.1121058219756652,0.06707048643791921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148140829030688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500818777319262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04112519052698977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12212897321103205,0.051050725761476456,0.0,0.0,0.10231077878562513,0.0,0.06696975949381359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212085985365888,0.0,0.0,0.2471036167089799,0.06349085111369629,0.07186144818682455,0.0,0.0,0.05126649629217172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547933926660047,0.0,0.0,0.07341298722530877,0.0,0.08529708751019284,0.08226758737526772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756624235422836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716886917324435,0.0698261159814798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070211803172692,0.0,0.11359225721715654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06188203486123706,0.0,0.09346997122885793,0.06519350276204575,0.0,0.045602540885447886,0.07018754705875688,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mybobot,2019/06/11,"I don't remember. I don't remember anything before I was about eight years-old. I remember an instance of walking past a Boston Pizza with my bio dad when I was about four, according to my mom this was the route he took me to the liquor store. I remember being left alone in a grocery store by him while he went to get alcohol. I remember hearing glass breaking downstairs from my bedroom. I remember watching my dad get arrested outside while I played with my puzzle and ate watermelon on the steps. Most of these things I had accounted as dreams to the point of not knowing which memories were real or fake. For context, my dad was a heavy alcoholic and would beat my mom often, nearly killing her a couple of times. I've had to call the ambulance for him as an infant when he had a stroke. He is much better now, and I don't blame him for being ill at the time. But, I think I'm just now coming to terms with the fact that I've suffered trauma, twelve years after it happened. It really sucks. I don't have many nice memories of my childhood, and I didn't even know it was abnormal not to remember being a child until this year. I want to remember learning how to ride a bike or playing outside with my friends, but...There's really nothing there.",5.600698924731183,5.83421046774194,6.321709677419356,79.18673118279574,67.30645161290322,9.83913978494624,32.259139784946235,9.725611199111238,2.9578813978494627,988,39,192,20,15,325,141,248,0.11,0.823,0.067,-0.9059999999999999,0,1,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,11,10,2,0,16,0,20,7,0,1,1,35,34,15,1,2,6,5,1,0,1,1,4,1,1,2,9,9,5,0,12,5,3,6,7,5,0,2,13,3,29,5,33,17,3,28,0,1,1,0,18,6,1,5,15,131,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19399818051511264,0.0,0.09400410906164433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469102096707217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723346088298215,0.0,0.0,0.08027336339947796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268017038451208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818513095146419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042861619296448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994875198743967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012402487754207,0.0,0.09484086556456807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08026228670757506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229760064205473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041689474919126,0.0,0.09976301813991093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861532854708313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202042854187306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21260335000651415,0.0,0.0,0.06672196786138418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709048558465103,0.0,0.0952415276147282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664448793083754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08580129748449082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10330927864767267,0.11629145793826025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8225431568769288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029955446612344,0.058157892731551135,0.0,0.0,0.10585041189545566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084212009595704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353494631476387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413911768072665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447612639967544,0.0,0.0,0.11689805307727195 ptsd,thisisacoverup67,2019/06/11,"Bed wetting I don’t know if this is a side effect from my ptsd but I’ve recently started peeing the bed. A lot of events have been going on in my life that are bringing up past trauma. Example, my nice just graduated middle school I was raped right after I graduated middle school and I was around her age when the rape happened I’m also very c lose with my niece I’ve basically raised her. I’m wondering if it’s connected. I’ve never wet the bed before this aside from when I was about 6 or 7.",0.6564102564102541,2.9477943846153885,3.1073076923076925,88.22102564102566,85.92307692307692,6.1589743589743575,19.243589743589748,7.492282038375204,0.6385858974358971,392,11,83,7,12,135,74,104,0.192,0.773,0.034,-0.9635,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,2,0,5,0,8,4,1,1,1,13,16,8,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,2,11,1,10,12,1,19,0,1,0,2,2,8,0,5,9,49,15,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19356902333292805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21547773869248926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20596855850754056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756381950785956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21404592396455416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302553584755056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096859755584934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707944503017165,0.0,0.20578408889786065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668554632206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310661736210096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829460196745382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23899730467380276,0.0,0.0,0.2067112204149716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4899394129673282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132576329578006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19971838013506105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624952401397608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,REDDITnHD,2019/06/11,"New song and video released bringing awareness to PTSD I am not really sure if I am permitted to share articles here. I apologize in advance. Someone in our local community released a song and video bringing awareness to PTSD. It's his third song about the condition which he was diagnosed with back in 2015. My goal is aligned with his which is to share it with others going through similar situations. [Fresh C brings awareness to PTSD](https://birdcityview.com/2019/06/11/fresh-c-brings-awareness-to-ptsd-with-the-release-of-crisis/)",9.149,11.037980566666665,7.43555555555556,68.47000000000003,60.0,10.444444444444443,40.55555555555557,10.504223727775694,4.735888888888889,441,23,65,10,6,131,57,90,0.027999999999999997,0.8959999999999999,0.075,0.3861,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,1,1,9,9,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,5,0,5,1,0,0,1,1,3,7,3,13,8,0,11,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,2,39,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526312385580034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917436262374605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073641197254336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245421643486234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8833209325199459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210230781868524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21234713251816897,0.0,0.0,0.16006612969948278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17804910979361285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,inkpoisonedsoul,2019/06/11,"Should I get screening or am I being overly sensitive? I am an Army veteran and struggling a bit. I have recurring nightmares about my time in the army. But those nightmares get confused and jumbled. The nightmares mix up my experiences in Basic with my experiences while deployed. Real explosions from mortar attacks will interrupt sequences of smoke sessions we endured while in training. There is one smoke session in particular that I dream about. It was after a tornado siren and we were being punished for not getting the tent set up fast enough for the DS's liking. We were made to low crawl through the mud in full kit while they threw CS grenades at us. Several trainees were injured due to flight responses being triggered in some of our more flighty trainees and they trampled the others. I was thankfully only stuck in the head (kevlar saved the day there). But the female next to me had her wrist broken. There were several injuries. My nightmares have replaced the CS with mortars and I wake up with a headache and muscle aches like I was tensing up in my sleep. I had knee surgery in 2017 and when I woke up, I was secured to the table. Evidently. I had a bad reaction to the anesthesia. I woke up confused and it took a long time for me to remember where and when I was. In my head I was in my nightmare. My mom was handed a list of emergency numbers and stuff when we left. I dont recall everything that happened but my mom clued me in and told me I had a mental break when they were waking me up and that she was to call 911 if I exhibited any unusual or aggressive behavior. I'm irritable all the time now. Everything makes me angry or anxious. No one has said anything else to me about the incident during surgery, so I've shrugged it off. I'm just a miserable human being now. I can't tell if I've made up everything or if my having nightmares is an indication that something is wrong. I can't bring myself to say anything to my doctor because I hate being labeled as a malingerer. I dont even know who to talk to. The soldier in me wants to just suck it up and drive on, but the person in me wants help. I dont know what to do.",4.4240755497662985,5.819292019002376,5.234242586774961,81.72427936556588,70.61520190023751,8.282614359052946,31.63290169335683,8.748949900417786,2.583807386407172,1704,76,326,30,31,554,215,421,0.136,0.83,0.034,-0.9896,0,0,3,0,0,0,35.0,6,0,3,0,17,17,5,4,27,0,39,10,8,4,1,50,63,33,0,6,14,2,1,2,0,2,2,2,0,2,13,20,0,1,3,1,0,4,7,12,0,2,26,4,55,5,57,30,6,56,0,2,1,0,23,31,1,10,21,241,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219425302377147,0.0,0.0,0.11993359403169165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17472565614859648,0.0,0.0,0.12077535816440953,0.0,0.0,0.08864139128832256,0.06471577553229081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590213485412168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084039511893712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846613663960283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108661986652895,0.0,0.0,0.37326555997927546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868528454288048,0.0,0.0,0.10969441254729524,0.0,0.07011943932934478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862364750726569,0.20769491578594207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663968330889676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387929450817324,0.0,0.0,0.1048136532724786,0.21790704549822829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115859688239977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668844914802315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534604671085365,0.0,0.0,0.10373143177545947,0.0,0.0,0.09395061823736348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090736203412585,0.07086440359850882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698699711467173,0.0,0.0,0.2486728615321406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290519916540095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387713932998153,0.08074149099780993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269714464363298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083635532248616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12026160485476775,0.0,0.10098500591145804,0.08442481267567448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398671880633833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106239334923348,0.0,0.0,0.08172920655274908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109842683832027,0.12153085282057782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532952917142893,0.09279084896984192,0.0977403190031526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857129119996852,0.0,0.0,0.10144297640157876,0.11795062761927814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770061515145772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523498140225875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607220904726392,0.0,0.0 ptsd,YuukiTsukinoArt,2019/06/11,"Need advice. Is this PTSD? Therapy? Hello guys, I'm new here! I need advice on a very sensitive topic. TW sexual abuse, genitalia mentioning. . . Alright, so I'm a female and 20 now. I was sexually abused/ raped/ domestically abused by my former partner 3 years ago when I was 17. He threatened to stab me with a knife and locked me up in a room with him. I reported this to the police back then but nothing really happened. I was also, probably abused as a child, but I only have a very vivid memory about it. I was treated with trauma therapy for about a year after it all happened, until I was 18. Then I felt like it didn't help me and quit. Now, 3 years later, I'm having a partner again. I've been with him for nearly a year. Had some romantic acquaintences before I met him and romance was hardly ever a problem. But with my current partner, who knows everything about my past and is truly a supportive angel, it's suddenly difficult. I can't be close to him. I feel trapped when he holds me too closely. I get panic attacks right after sex. Every time, instantly after I orgasm. Usually it's crying and not being able to breathe. Songs from 3 years ago trigger me a lot, as well as reports about rape on the news for example. I'm in permanent flight mode. I literally can't breathe when he holds me tightly, even if it's a soft embrace that means no harm. I can't have sex with him lately, it feels gross and it just constantly hurts. I can barely ever relax when we are intimate. Therapy is so very expensive around here and he offers to pay 50% for me but I don't want that. Does this sound like PTSD to you? I have no idea what to do next. Thank you for your advices.",1.8725004389815645,4.1365026776119445,3.8920500438981587,84.70769754170327,80.43283582089552,7.165057067603161,23.882791922739248,8.219915518859313,1.6430087796312551,1307,47,257,27,34,444,188,335,0.2,0.703,0.09699999999999999,-0.99,1,1,0,0,4,0,50.0,1,3,0,1,24,19,3,1,15,1,25,7,3,1,3,45,43,26,0,5,7,0,6,2,3,0,0,2,1,5,15,18,0,3,6,2,2,0,8,10,1,0,11,9,38,9,38,30,3,45,1,1,1,5,24,11,0,3,36,171,53,3,0.09406467215447957,0.4458050197361592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27575672689726005,0.1667653126547951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522348433730731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373750108608186,0.0,0.10701214419270116,0.0,0.07232992662109686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004210781299176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165049351199563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033256254249712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231662849302468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06212882881298214,0.17017376253567976,0.07925354326619254,0.0,0.0845392620073721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951238491369312,0.0,0.09031683657873184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04914490882454613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313881425962384,0.16636215786571185,0.0,0.08426347006586545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304956694695707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006981770331942,0.1061875652711613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051695483812403485,0.0,0.10610904735898008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919104948491219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997042048122999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246400397979834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949552502682713,0.0,0.09084824652086926,0.10003884597672803,0.0,0.0,0.0902575898704603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154042188994704,0.0,0.11036462540745767,0.0,0.0,0.08979537321096129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141762615218998,0.09000718754037637,0.2199131360257313,0.0,0.0,0.10004935748564936,0.0,0.0,0.060260237645748324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033071605928882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067434752441064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08660211213257396,0.32271345127834034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05484986678133248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035989470213761,0.2328396173305458,0.05548178076833064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457543697986257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028728241803267 ptsd,Mrs_Shmeckledorf,2019/06/11,"I'm trying to find someone, anyone, who has experienced what I'm experiencing.(TW: Suicide) I'm an 18 year old woman who just finished my first year of college. Three months ago, I found my roommate after she committed suicide in the closet we shared. She knew that I was going to be the person to find her. I was the only other person who had a key to the room and before I had left for work I had told her exactly what time I was coming home. She chose me but I don't know why. Unlike a lot of other people who have found a suicide victim, she wasn't a loved one. She wasn't my family or my partner or even really my friend. She had always been distant and quiet, but I always had thought that she was just an introvert. Yet I witnessed one of the most intimate things I ever could. &#x200B; Three months before her death, I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but afterwards I was diagnosed with PTSD as well. I'm on medication and now I'm home with my parents. It's been months, but I still feel awful in ways I don't understand. I've been trying to keep myself busy with projects around the house and volunteering at the animal shelter, but every day is a blur. I constantly feel like I'm not doing enough. I have nightmares every night. Sometimes I have dreams of finding her. Other times I dream of talking to her again, but I can never remember what she says. &#x200B; I've been hallucinating as well. Often times it will be something small. I'll briefly hear her voice as I wake up. Other times when I'm in the shower I'll hear someone walking down the hall when I know I'm home alone. Sometimes I'll see things too. I'll see silhouettes of people moving quickly out of my line of sight. Like someone walking around the corner, or someone peeking out from behind a door frame. I've noticed that they tend to be inhumanly tall. A couple of nights ago, I even saw someone open my bedroom door. It was too dark to see anything but a hand on the doorknob, but I knew that they were watching. I was terrified. I don't know how long I was frozen in bed, but I finally forced myself to briefly look away. When I did, the door was back in it's original position. &#x200B; I know that all of this is in my head. That I have keep moving forward, and focus on the positives. But honestly, I feel crazy. I'm constantly afraid. The tiniest of noises can send me into a panic, especially at night. Opening my closet makes me feel sick. My boyfriend is stationed at Fort Campbell, and I feel unreasonably angry that he hasn't been able to be here for me though out all of this. I'm constantly frustrated with myself for being so emotional all of the time. I feel so helpless. &#x200B; The worst part is that I don't miss my roommate. I'm worried that makes me a horrible person, but it's true. So I can't understand why I'm still upset. Why everything hurts so much. Please, I need to know that I'm not alone.",2.988854007924413,4.990604331606222,4.224520979376205,84.99570252971655,75.63212435233159,7.09730773138271,25.515290053845373,7.994972329748466,1.5551461343086457,2304,82,450,37,51,755,253,579,0.154,0.759,0.087,-0.9939,2,2,1,0,0,3,85.0,1,0,2,2,29,19,2,3,28,1,49,8,3,4,8,82,98,33,4,2,18,1,7,2,2,1,4,5,12,5,30,22,0,2,22,2,0,8,11,10,2,5,31,20,73,9,59,60,9,78,0,4,7,1,37,31,0,7,42,304,103,3,0.05839968817867605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353559986968663,0.0,0.0,0.12096892905734155,0.0,0.0,0.09718643773227484,0.25310415096985395,0.28384805320599826,0.0,0.0,0.044675601609711374,0.0,0.0,0.040834419834914065,0.0,0.04805796739513355,0.1039762078638328,0.0,0.0,0.05486842944404481,0.04490575541178258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938766659954984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05030616030414399,0.0,0.18932794815549808,0.0,0.046627398984796134,0.06461814418988332,0.0,0.037662967589585115,0.0,0.05029956585439232,0.1185489083951549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569178881787617,0.0,0.060342489109245674,0.0,0.07714488652287749,0.05282586140285871,0.09840851209686463,0.0,0.052485874101362205,0.0,0.05505402857570787,0.0,0.17717182234460124,0.04172074890365562,0.0,0.06397400384553315,0.16012877098725942,0.04967474493128732,0.0,0.12806448754177532,0.045119454220155016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033189888613283806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05993492838176907,0.0,0.13164138587484542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573894658820685,0.0,0.0,0.06738539926596687,0.06251807404635285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038166523135886,0.0,0.0,0.1604747066960562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345143208131297,0.0,0.0,0.05706227552381805,0.0,0.0,0.05168188630711429,0.04904102973277735,0.0,0.0,0.04964932649689815,0.052707998657311385,0.0,0.07796449068055375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058831541881212375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984222181608347,0.1241392527029384,0.042930490365570936,0.04330262880472629,0.045041439749971456,0.0,0.0,0.16441245375694571,0.0,0.0,0.06648843206194974,0.061280648858571075,0.0,0.07914628021136072,0.04441559445061941,0.0,0.06851945116193102,0.06484594258527719,0.06324117128943815,0.0,0.08097398115319725,0.15297706540991496,0.0,0.06410532052296528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826611030550361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03741233565674024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615546236760593,0.0,0.0,0.046441776031532316,0.0,0.0,0.13961097133586267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24740933139820498,0.04495893311056485,0.11551756976974145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327613283488652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19163934064358026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04693945721714858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775963157272031,0.0,0.05737739712413688,0.046362829105397525,0.170266639074189,0.0,0.0,0.05580340471838068,0.0,0.07929910963421871,0.0,0.0,0.12159226993924695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046354954194499344,0.0,0.0,0.10501666638645753,0.0,0.15808990527249234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042515668531005454,0.05930771813376951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28384805320599826,0.07521496895615863 ptsd,fhchgc,2019/06/11,My ptsd is so bad right now So I was always a hypochondriac but after I took acid 2 years ago I feel like I’m getting worse. So 2 years ago I thought I died on lsd ( I was tripping) after that day I tried it once more at home and after the second time I just hated it I stopped and started drinking heavily until 22 days ago I quit drinking but when I was drinking I couldn’t go a day without it cuz I can’t shut my mind up about that day I thought I died. There isn’t a day I don’t think about it. Idk why I’m even on here right now. I just don’t know what to do should I get help from a therapist or hope this goes away in more time,-0.5702083333333299,1.1658462847222246,1.59288888888889,100.741,86.15277777777777,4.673333333333334,18.62777777777778,5.6839178017228535,-0.579810555555555,491,13,127,3,15,164,83,144,0.18899999999999997,0.735,0.076,-0.9501,0,0,3,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,13,4,1,0,5,0,11,3,0,1,0,19,25,11,2,3,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,2,3,1,5,3,0,3,6,2,0,1,6,2,20,2,15,17,2,33,0,0,0,0,1,9,0,2,22,79,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34387147676784113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759469498692968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148921327287933,0.0,0.10796685941814424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4169651244206763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684027782108189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38001811954347225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854067782389128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653820588902851,0.09237773001375002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511628690713548,0.0,0.0734887711767734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276649746072139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667249142113324,0.0,0.12970656397943786,0.12843211648840014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106434816612353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06317340437107546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056431592280748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13770890266817612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511542451324053,0.0,0.0,0.13753507753130326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22085681585599606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152493628464768,0.0,0.0,0.10810735875078037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013666651757854,0.0,0.08285540703844439,0.0,0.20531236961553068,0.15080118193531153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436660531312096,0.0877917095524471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166804445503933,0.0,0.0,0.12464839070597132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177599748626492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665403492940608 ptsd,luhanshoelyflute,2019/06/11,"Physical abuse as children I'm not here to be disrespectful or anything, I am genuinely interested in what PTSD does to a human, and I was wondering if anyone that has survived physical abuse as a child has to say for how it affected them? I'm doing a lot of research on this matter rn, and I've heard that speaking to someone who is/has gone through this is the best way to receive a good answer? And I'm sorry if this seems disrespectful or like PTSD sufferers are like a test subject, that's really not my intent at all. So... 1. How did you respond to touch? Either a friend hugging you, or someone touching your shoulder or something out of sympathy/ people accidentally touching or brushing against you? 2. How do you react if someone of your age is being friendly/trying to befriend you? 3. How did you form friendships, what kind of relationship did you have with those friends, what kind of people did you befriend, did you have many friends or very few, how did you choose if you were going to befriend someone or not? 4. Ik many survivors of physical abuse turn to alcohol, how has this affected you/your PTSD while you're under the influence/when you're sober? 5. Is there anything that comforted you? 6. What are flashbacks like? When/where do they usually happen? 6. Is it common to have a flashback in public and if so, what is it like? Mentally and how does it affect your actions while you're in public? 7. How has your PTSD morphed through time with/without therapy? 8. Do you know if it's obvious to other people that you have PTSD? Thank you so much if you decide to answer, and I wish you the best with recovery 💖",2.7804464285714268,5.2728938730158745,4.01985615079365,83.77502232142858,78.52380952380952,6.858134920634921,27.938988095238088,7.972316293177498,2.0600178571428582,1290,57,238,23,32,421,155,315,0.068,0.778,0.154,0.9804,0,0,2,0,3,0,46.0,0,21,2,3,13,17,0,0,10,0,30,3,1,13,2,52,43,35,0,8,18,0,3,4,3,0,1,3,0,3,22,9,1,0,7,0,0,4,3,1,0,0,10,7,27,16,33,31,8,18,0,1,0,1,38,7,0,17,10,168,49,2,0.0,0.3367631232711932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125092337322883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624616142933604,0.0,0.15593001584911512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885282487838452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581960681598262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195934699174758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538443481696624,0.07946551703916628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378048309123942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973194763773024,0.05206800227891453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514560663080654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054668858449444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210805656683055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547816001075583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964664139948233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970475685244424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5537445838258926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060694473862607165,0.0,0.0,0.10171799253454447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753430415930491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625001704900306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211000635873553,0.0729374080144677,0.0,0.10605647616007714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722616830980823,0.10834630982191257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055245115780952335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432394092127458,0.10305263798313433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434548265718928,0.0781724877540116,0.0,0.07520218950172686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894920351947934,0.0913283926304333,0.10274420377050447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway1980374,2019/06/11,"Intrusive thoughts and images I had a job about 15 years ago where i witnessed some horrific violence.. specifically cruelty to animals, and in some cases, murder scenes where the bodies were still there. I have an increased sensitivity to anything related to animal abuse or neglect obviously, even a deceased animal on the road will make me lose my mind. My entire day will be ruined as I will cry off and on, and cannot shake the images of the past. I went to a therapist but i have difficulty even talking about it. I can't really share my experiences because its so uncomfortable to remember and talk about. I seems to be getting worse, as it wasn't this bad while i did the job. It really started affecting me once I quit and its been so long now but still haunts me. Anyone have any suggestions or techniques on battling with intrusive thoughts or images?",6.1840397727272745,7.558677006250001,6.971477272727274,70.98761363636369,66.4375,11.06818181818182,33.29545454545455,11.022393298168332,4.0965,691,30,119,21,11,229,102,160,0.217,0.741,0.042,-0.9796,2,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,13,8,2,1,9,0,15,1,1,2,1,23,22,16,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,7,0,0,8,0,16,1,18,9,3,21,0,3,0,0,4,8,0,6,10,88,22,2,0.0,0.19503605527131776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591692464803838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194051502471418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509921166433575,0.0,0.1354600893984237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374425605602544,0.10034479116950053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18284471617245776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808164690765918,0.10615989883108863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174468416256496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16102026731572128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600198498869087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267002557136466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567476152039233,0.0,0.18415660005726006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987852222980013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620927935607724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530438781547264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713896970515556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508310721112524,0.0,0.0,0.21090689462572032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864711583165584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985485580119398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165118784214825,0.0,0.2629156824021741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646147315665413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112501735592016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26136406992597633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525952149986054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775175838679782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600350962754858 ptsd,becausethrowaway-,2019/06/11,"PTSD Sucks I’ve had PTSD since I was a kid (I’m 45 now) & it SUCKS! I have no social life, I can’t do college even though I wish I could have, I have 4 kids & I have panic attacks in waves. Some days are so bad, I have to sleep it off. Only thing that actually helps is CBD oil. But it’s expensive so I only use it if I have to be somewhere, in public & around people for more than an hour or two. I love my life, my family, etc. But this is so so hard...I always wonder what I could have accomplished if I had a normal childhood. Just needed to vent...so glad there is a place I can do that.",-0.7439097744360907,0.9789781804511328,1.9556015037594,97.9624248120301,86.74436090225565,5.003007518796993,14.76315789473684,6.1826913282559595,-0.8494571428571427,450,7,115,4,14,156,84,133,0.14300000000000002,0.741,0.11599999999999999,-0.5448,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,10,7,3,1,4,0,21,4,1,1,0,15,29,10,0,7,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,9,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,3,1,16,2,9,23,3,9,0,0,0,1,6,5,2,5,4,78,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.1436811202513711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251216669693893,0.4785905110658509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310712770995942,0.0,0.1675022328417033,0.0,0.0,0.1229359298837872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351119687216593,0.0,0.0,0.09495505486779107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642070867071503,0.0972480051542062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13880101963990948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13189455729067773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986892032020239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449978250795834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20799431590055786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288626002642595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091736460833056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426004223078745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239592617343503,0.0,0.17274975024515218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207492021143233,0.0,0.15383030736037273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442220655741578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12179516044546768,0.0,0.1473423559717691,0.15008858447206494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781707190078824,0.0,0.14465864590022529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382820109600705,0.0,0.0,0.1271646511200974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693141611382605,0.0,0.15967118722544105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gokan5656,2019/06/11,"Does anyone else feel childish? Long story short: I am 22 and was diagnosed with with CPTSD this year. The first 21 years of my life were incredibly traumatizing. I find that when I am relaxing, I like to spend time doing things that I missed out on as a kid, especially watching kids movies or shows (not more than a few hours a week). I even have a pinterest board of things I would buy my younger self. Does anyone else do this? Some validation that I'm not crazy is needed.",3.3237903225806456,5.299906043010754,3.9157930107526897,87.69368951612906,74.59139784946238,7.660752688172043,22.377688172043012,8.472884824447931,1.1420333333333337,374,10,79,7,8,118,71,93,0.092,0.823,0.085,-0.1573,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,0,9,2,0,0,0,12,13,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,7,4,0,0,2,2,2,0,2,1,0,1,2,2,9,2,9,10,3,11,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,2,9,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28350467812477725,0.4154381955842483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20576495424991773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3548177980643297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3387069575493376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339001283173666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250551836263998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528999089816786,0.17244058602534398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996465362256898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319299169276067,0.09904280580481917,0.0,0.0,0.17940816352497846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503204636048734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114898273671002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693673450344934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821250038880875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16261641162280602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401236576421364,0.0,0.0,0.2611007533630819 ptsd,sweetally4,2019/06/11,"2 year anniversary of my assault is about a month away. I’m struggling. I’ve been holding it all inside pretty much since it happened. Only a handful of people know, I’ve never really talked to any of my therapists about it. (I also have BPD so I’m already medicated and in therapy) I recently started seeing a counsellor specifically trained in my type of assault and am going to actually start working through it. Today was my second appointment. Half way through my appointment, we weren’t even talking about my trauma, I just started having flash backs. I couldn’t pull myself out of them. I could hear her talking to me but I could also just hear everything happening in the flash back over and over again. Then of course I snapped back and had to explain what happened and talk about it and bawled my eyes out. Ever since I just can’t get it out of my head. The months ahead are going to be tough, I can feel it. I only have one other friend who has PTSD who understands, just needed another place to put it out there. Thanks for listening. Stay strong everyone.",3.861666666666668,6.087932813725494,4.679019607843138,81.7022549019608,73.80392156862746,7.866666666666667,28.0,8.680891452615391,2.3255705882352946,850,34,154,17,18,274,125,204,0.057,0.8690000000000001,0.073,0.8047,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,1,3,18,8,2,1,5,0,17,4,3,0,3,28,38,11,0,4,5,0,2,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,12,11,0,1,4,0,0,4,4,5,0,3,4,7,23,3,31,30,2,33,0,0,2,0,14,11,0,0,16,116,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.11092478220828662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254368339827111,0.1818025018832745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772989817486335,0.11919211016794633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679599366037072,0.26221388978310195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316242982994812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815112791394225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507746162507886,0.1028203361504388,0.0,0.10861583094170582,0.10215858435504148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057474583616450366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782057360998602,0.0,0.059387486885506616,0.0,0.12920169831168288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015520031922387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166574348190843,0.0,0.2562269916194637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246964213342163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450980167353267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814594073598431,0.0,0.08355997106849458,0.08428430188662643,0.08766872612778978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702521946900563,0.1729011597901597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880393940117067,0.0,0.11876016355614614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156424829032597,0.0,0.0,0.13287325985591916,0.11426898283677853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281942643704642,0.0,0.1122346623052502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057966825232468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880567415231843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413670214474032,0.12115628670758333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188317709072192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654521207315458,0.0,0.10465136514734204,0.12999068342963133,0.13197874983012886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774514945058487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833368861801187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022535261978118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275256122528743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319926439664776 ptsd,rtdm,2019/06/11,"Think i may have ptsd. Hi, a few weeks ago i was at my friends house chilling and then we heard banging on the door, it was a police serach warrent for drug dealing (?) (Which is not true at all nothing was found and it was some bad info they got) I got a panic attack immediatly that led me to be cheked by ems. From then im literaly scared from the police, i feel im being followed everywhere i go, i look at everyone i see, everyone is suspicious to me, i dont go anymore to my friends house because im scared it will happen again. I can barely get sleep, writing this post at 4pm because i cant sleep, writing this makes me sweat and im getting waves of heat. Im writing this because i just want to share it to someone. *Also worth to mention i got a really bad anxiety, how can i tell the difference?",1.3142857142857132,3.2208063809523857,3.5359523809523807,88.4132142857143,80.42857142857143,6.3428571428571425,25.97619047619048,7.413659706084162,1.3357190476190477,624,26,133,9,16,214,102,168,0.163,0.768,0.069,-0.9420000000000001,2,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,1,0,4,10,1,3,7,0,15,4,3,3,2,21,32,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,9,4,0,0,4,0,1,4,3,6,0,0,9,4,20,4,16,19,3,15,0,0,2,0,13,5,0,2,5,80,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678438990082996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731382949968149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352491028575018,0.0,0.10828047525130588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421174311122453,0.0,0.0,0.18232695627759615,0.19967134209739926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125631673686836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11407328903265875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796199090352695,0.0,0.12661794130199686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086586058072903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05520634691456477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971383089771515,0.16870946244006524,0.0,0.1140875147618139,0.0,0.12410274820858673,0.0,0.2619715290868546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655041384384387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519656915839214,0.0,0.0,0.589683391255296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168645661529568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07288068716406401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476430176597222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810305412619385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104567401110572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762941143214193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994560491000379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862302074040976,0.0,0.08700493808384482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21852426154418866,0.0,0.09251063875724276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543099909192296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996023714070419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439912733399095,0.0,0.0875802413123769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Captain_Shoe,2019/06/11,"Witness to Brutal Attack Aftermath My brother was the first person on the scene of finding a woman who had been brutally attacked by her boyfriend. He found her with her fingers on her one hand chopped off, her ear chopped off, and her intestines spilled out. He has some first aid training from his work and him and another guy kept her alive until the paramedics and firefighters arrived. This happened in the hall of his condo building FYI, so he’s been over at my place since then. This happened last night. What can I do to help him and what should be done here. He is understandably messed up and has just been crying and crying. I want to do whatever I can to help him, whatever that means.",5.7067424242424245,6.903982249999999,4.9693939393939415,85.55742424242428,67.4090909090909,7.987878787878787,32.09090909090909,8.167268648758528,2.237418181818183,555,23,106,7,9,166,89,132,0.15,0.7509999999999999,0.099,-0.8679,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,3,5,4,0,5,0,15,4,4,0,0,18,22,10,0,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,3,6,9,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,0,3,8,3,17,0,19,12,1,18,0,0,0,0,23,11,0,1,7,77,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893178277586022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41079342110693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3966417781509337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476085641114012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501542854503054,0.3071440293519893,0.0,0.19795895668356056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17876855209375106,0.3193117962823145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420318506917411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471687798329396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966671121895263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16942983667189362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234238668947793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764547401782525,0.1886317488382905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934920503699814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879543608067564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649048621007694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143936381827112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_blondepotato_,2019/01/10,"I need somebody to talk to Hey everyone. I’m just really struggling and I’m about to have to go back to the place where all the bad happened and i just want to tell my story. I’m a 23 year old girl and I’m transgender. I’ve been transitioning for three years and I’m proud of the girl I’ve become. I figured who I was when I was six years old, my cousin had spent the night and we were sitting there late in the night watching tv. She was wearing this poofy dress with a big bow and I commented how I wished I could wear stuff like that. And she replied why, you’re a boy. And I was like I don’t feel like one I feel like a girl. And she was like do you want to try it on. And so I did, and it felt like the revelation I needed, everything felt so right for the first time ever. We were spinning around and dancing together and it was just innocent fun that resulted in me realizing I was not a little boy, I was a little girl stuck in that boys body. But then my parents came in, and they just froze, and so did I. My dad asked my cousin to go to the other room for a bit. I was horrified because I was standing there in a dress in front of my parents and I didn’t know what was going to happen. And my dad grabbed me and started yelling if you’re going to dress like a girl then you’re going to learn what it’s like to be a girl.... and that was the first night I was forcefully raped and beaten. This went on for twelve years. My parents never told my family about how I wanted to be a girl, but constantly told them how bad of a kid I was, how lucky they never had children like me. How much they didn’t even want me. I tried to kill myself when I was fifteen and when I got out of the hospital it got even worse. I was constantly called crazy and beaten and the rapes never stopped. I would get off the school bus shaking knowing what was coming when alll I wanted to do was be a normal kid. It got to a point where I was so numb I couldn’t feel anything at all. It would happen and I would just accept it because I’d given up. Even tried going to the police and my mom would go on and cry and stuff about how crazy and violent I was. And the police never listened to me because my mom’s lies. I moved out in my 18th birthday into a place with my best friends family. They liked me and treated me like their own kid until I was 20 and started transitioning and they kicked me out. I’m 23 now and my roommate is kicking me out because he needs space. I’ve got a aggressive cancer and I’m struggling because now the only place to go to not be homeless is my parents. I’m sitting here crying because to be honest mentally I’m still stuck as that little girl that never got to have a childhood, I can’t act like an adult I can’t function normally. Every night I see it and remember and it feels so real, feels like it’s happening again. I literally have bought tons of toys and stuffed animals just trying to give myself the childhood I never had. Because I just can’t mature, I can’t grow up. I’m just mentally stuck ",2.018820902584729,3.5004536347962367,3.549544567338973,91.05462914769032,76.91536050156739,6.5705802330395695,23.00952268291241,7.281374121172456,0.7037595907020764,2361,70,528,28,53,781,243,638,0.126,0.77,0.10300000000000001,-0.9743,4,0,0,0,1,1,49.0,2,1,7,6,41,34,7,3,34,0,54,7,3,7,9,112,117,59,1,18,13,10,9,13,1,4,2,2,1,16,26,49,0,1,14,3,2,17,16,13,0,5,48,13,80,21,60,58,7,93,0,0,2,2,52,33,0,2,53,352,106,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04570338601161082,0.0494409670404146,0.05192092389632137,0.0,0.0,0.04270561542591387,0.09274451873767332,0.23698992978733915,0.0613378194873356,0.0,0.0,0.05828414346927439,0.0,0.06063356836734645,0.0616906623974995,0.0,0.0,0.05671093456564991,0.06352115483533624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04784142958520305,0.0,0.12003459941327972,0.0,0.0443429077430212,0.0,0.12201268905349075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004780430853213,0.050237678910556326,0.04679351269906926,0.05306933865173324,0.04991434915439785,0.0,0.10471335580225227,0.0,0.14040946496306664,0.1190299712112052,0.10665118214820446,0.0,0.0,0.09448190032493248,0.0,0.0,0.04290884414445212,0.0,0.029016531254028814,0.053277511468008375,0.25251010364269044,0.0,0.2220957328907979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19644975923882727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144503105444005,0.0,0.061044924392474935,0.0,0.06264975483054024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35273245522229923,0.16699225655435834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193932557211833,0.0,0.0,0.13009184834938808,0.0,0.05902854919796102,0.0408271277208472,0.12354310014661432,0.2570079117769899,0.0,0.0,0.20847617287924688,0.10883171585734494,0.0,0.0,0.11655645469969915,0.0,0.03763426952852384,0.04223946971001887,0.0,0.0,0.2466753635994837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407747885698854,0.0,0.05250175681705442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321487883660308,0.035579332851457535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291420127080645,0.047429505699452174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05620784428893321,0.044256928734672116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862075653549434,0.0,0.044353052528963065,0.04643260447407786,0.0,0.1161216268049361,0.12715640281368595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0446396768038939,0.048543025475401326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032384898289707004,0.0,0.0,0.10613867730346647,0.0,0.15082776132378592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637899900721108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0514846701015625,0.05011478399132453,0.0,0.0638664400435456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565983929416151,0.15781159530149552,0.0,0.0,0.1430596817293916 ptsd,HunterRuu,2019/01/10,"To the Grandmother in the waiting room I didn't post this when it first happened, but I want to give a shout out. I was in the waiting room of my Therapist before my appointment, my mom likes to sit on the kids side of the waiting room because the seats are more comfortable. While we were waiting I was super anxious. I had already taken an ""emergency pill"" (Ativan) to try to make it through but it wasn't working. I felt like I was gonna just scream and cry. Enter the Grandmother. She was there with her husband watching the grandkids while a family member was in a session. Her grandkids were being normal kids, playing with everything and talking to everyone, but when she started to play with them she would sing and hum. She had the most beautiful voice! It wasn't calming her grandkids at all since there was so much to do, but I know I wouldn't have made it through that appointment without her! I almost cried just because it was so calming! So long story short. Thank you So So much to the Grandmother in the waiting room! You being there and humming that beautiful song calmed my panic attack when nothing else could! When you have PTSD it's hard to realize there are still beautiful simple things left in this world!",5.157865761689294,6.649582192307697,5.0577224736048265,83.31766968325795,68.95726495726495,8.06998491704374,31.286073403720465,8.4952907291091,2.4239801910507794,979,41,180,15,17,303,124,234,0.11800000000000001,0.705,0.177,0.9642,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,3,1,3,16,13,1,1,15,0,24,1,0,2,1,34,40,19,0,5,7,5,2,2,0,3,1,4,4,2,12,9,0,5,3,4,0,1,5,3,0,1,17,7,27,10,26,17,5,29,0,0,1,0,22,16,0,2,12,136,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555583854033894,0.0,0.1714301642864338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549880012078958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17673055337949428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18939715842755844,0.0,0.13218953899267824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403258044204432,0.0,0.3412845354589764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12977315614783966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844148366348706,0.13961658902892976,0.0,0.14644808367289952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491582532848016,0.0,0.0,0.13213876241814276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149023768698337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737354971632915,0.0,0.13916111864463107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537509018541745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16878584319821402,0.0,0.0,0.15179017987732615,0.0,0.0,0.1374779177125865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469938479585011,0.10369586522627988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819414700853619,0.0,0.0,0.22839702044801366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220786410704318,0.1490604073476163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18226717601936368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14878025378952234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815932692426993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285053084922979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995597498833176,0.0,0.1240609566591768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248626800969592,0.0,0.14302338595759784,0.0,0.18037077345889926,0.10320617793391022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547096137504752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162815951066268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974973911126988,0.0,0.11309505123454795,0.0,0.0,0.1103546225608122,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,joncottrell,2019/01/10,"2019 started off so well but now I'm already unraveling TL;DR: I feel as though I'm unraveling after a hiccup even though everything was going well. I could use help brainstorming some extra coping ideas. I've had a really tough 3 years. Bipolar disorder full on onset. Repeat of childhood traumas, and lots of family drama as I've been coming out. 2018 I made so much progress. EMDR worked really well even though it was tough, I got ECT which really stabilized the mood disorder, and my relationship flourished. Oh and I finally went back to work! Third week of January is always the worst and it's coming rapidly but I felt prepared. The anniversary of two of my incidents are then and I felt positive about it this year (no 3-month stint in the psych ward for me is the plan!). Then, something happened with family's finances and I need to sell my house to help. Seems simple, but that simple thing terrifies me and is now bringing me over the edge. Last night I woke up every hour during the night running through the room screaming about snakes and asking the empty room if they were seeing any. I had to turn on all my lights to get some fleeting sleep. But ended up just giving up sleeping after a while. I took out my weighted blanket to help me relax a little while just lying on the couch. I think I just have one too many things. House, family relationships strained, job is stressful all leading up to this awful anniversary that I kind get out of my mind. I'm considering breaking out the Klonopin which I have avoided for a year now, or just taking a bit of sick leave, or trying to find someone to handle the stressful bits about the house. I've tried all the usual suspects in the last few days, cold showers, music, favorite shows, exercise. I don't want to lose myself again. And I feel on the brink. I think I've learned that even when it's all going great I shouldn't pressure myself too much as it only takes one issue to go over the edge. P.S: my psych/therapist just retired and I've been having trouble finding a replacement. I've got a consult coming up but I actually only have my GP to rely on now.",3.9908263988522212,5.953393482926828,4.769526542324248,82.3455380200861,72.70731707317074,7.457675753228121,26.44906743185079,8.219915518859313,1.817454806312769,1688,59,309,27,34,544,220,410,0.154,0.72,0.126,-0.922,2,1,1,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,1,6,28,19,0,5,25,1,19,7,2,3,4,59,55,31,0,5,13,0,5,0,0,1,4,1,4,0,14,18,1,1,12,4,2,11,3,12,3,4,15,9,35,6,50,38,15,65,0,1,1,0,9,24,0,7,29,208,49,8,0.0,0.0,0.07767848039273302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784098967854116,0.0,0.06623388599692237,0.0,0.0,0.05413098244236077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441560237995261,0.0,0.0,0.06120777248247576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738059793971351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20570601604143704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06355441974732234,0.0,0.0,0.051335654641572234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824578446890723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050230277962559,0.0,0.0,0.15772588455019346,0.0,0.06706674638395478,0.0,0.07153968151924513,0.0,0.22512043886616004,0.0,0.0804966794191715,0.0,0.15285767988144353,0.08719831648000738,0.14550659550000536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08317581777077207,0.0763599299025104,0.13571617706897934,0.0,0.12732737793409532,0.08775969093209582,0.0,0.0,0.07039034590537087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006335395682655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839033195682417,0.27554442514710803,0.0,0.08985913078044709,0.0,0.08308210734148617,0.07899108648037656,0.0,0.0,0.082891538002586,0.0,0.1297698542869116,0.0,0.08428530035810032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978048431941592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905245506636758,0.0,0.06767338957475659,0.0,0.07531979646101028,0.0,0.08070228324072387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037368401060943,0.0,0.06353625734513962,0.0,0.11703086442979735,0.0590226670828334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939911332910105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787854402155657,0.12107933937991885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298210939225826,0.0,0.0,0.17092201942805954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343119043593519,0.07246518891293309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931571648868648,0.0,0.06744513671977727,0.0612802551399516,0.0,0.0,0.0563415528664247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236391392849935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969914642192685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242216686697463,0.10576590004903487,0.10200940826459101,0.23462088344399715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843894195597891,0.10808685470372062,0.08658234670471003,0.0777579968698193,0.0,0.0,0.06874916371336517,0.08766856369046719,0.0,0.04695036166675821,0.0,0.06385061684380483,0.09693180839687857,0.2147108816266718,0.07379034214782833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590003742385925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537800889305522 ptsd,SummerOfJerj,2019/01/10,"PTSD from alcohol and drug abuse? Hello all, I abused alcohol for 8 years straight (age 15-24), and have now been sober for over a year. Through these 8 years I did some very messed up stuff due to my usage and inflicted a lot of trauma upon myself and upon others. I'm just now quitting weed and kratom, and the pain from my past becomes more evident each day. Is it possible that I have some form of PTSD from this? If so, where do I start in getting better? I am very new to dealing with mental health issues but it is very clear that I have some major ones. I have been having some flashbacks, emerging memories that I havent thought of since they happened, anxiety attacks, and of course depression and dread. The extent of my abuse is hard to fathom, even for myself, and I am some grateful to be out of it now. But I dont really know how to start dealing with the mental scarring it has left. It's seems like such a complicated and neverending web of sickening shit and wasted life. Should I try to pinpoint specific events and work through them individually? Try to forgive myself? I'm truly lost these days. I am starting CBT at the end of the month but otherwise have had a very bad experience with doctors. If this is a form of PTSD, it's almost like o would feel ashamed of that fact. As if it detracts from people who have gone through ""real"" trauma (I.e. war vets, rape/violence victims, etc.) Any thoughts on how to begin processing this? Thanks in advance.",5.1909473684210505,6.09684262105263,5.496491228070177,82.3721052631579,68.40350877192982,8.526315789473685,29.73684210526316,8.6894789155246,2.184894736842105,1157,42,225,18,19,368,167,285,0.21899999999999997,0.693,0.08800000000000001,-0.9929,0,0,3,0,3,0,41.0,0,0,2,5,10,19,4,3,10,0,25,8,1,2,3,45,41,22,1,5,7,0,2,2,0,2,7,0,0,0,19,17,2,0,6,0,0,2,2,14,0,1,8,2,20,5,41,30,14,33,0,2,0,0,7,12,1,11,21,156,39,2,0.0,0.3544706255400401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131496928522825,0.09985938556547946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06781587867413495,0.0,0.07628874340148446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345067914763104,0.0,0.0,0.08326554518316108,0.0,0.110137548816342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819795478177425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862772370840145,0.20562255170270788,0.0858923111141199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020719488699024,0.0,0.0,0.11687602483839744,0.0,0.11564841675334585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883260453778252,0.0,0.1112188487981872,0.06586689647846983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975494074683226,0.0,0.0,0.05042355411685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05210178082922152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088185784598164,0.0,0.08933329930380507,0.0,0.0,0.1060021659529336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408616022184948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054805814719695735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108350639859224,0.0,0.07043815475601889,0.09744041800200587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088607493626327,0.08478195240139838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009970852846031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959890851998896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631425802107244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757570177761164,0.0,0.10611358455055088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519803711954207,0.06913620687594824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11242405661309847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497167750046765,0.0,0.0,0.10606896666411464,0.0,0.11350797700304667,0.06388587891666678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907851702978147,0.0,0.0,0.10236546273139327,0.0824928923932098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21175591543550687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416035522011285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181264903324816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583397579684612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541237742472964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32913165034249964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260040850573332,0.0,0.0,0.07084121357171784,0.0,0.0,0.19265735412278234 ptsd,JennYaretzi,2019/01/10,"Is it normal to collapse when triggered? I'm not sure if this is a symptom of my PTSD or just a weird quirk. When I get scared I tend to collapse. I'll fall to a fetal position or duck down. I am fully conscious when it happen but will some time depersonalize for a few seconds. I'm able to get up immediately and move on. It tend to scare those around me since I'm used to it. I was always a bit skittish but not this much. Thankfully with therapy I don't fall as much. It tends to happen more when I have a bigger trigger (unexpected touch or loud noise) or stress. \*Trigger Waring\* I was choked almost six years ago. to the point I almost past out. I felt my body wanting to collapse, but I had to force myself to stand because I feared his grip getting even more tighter or dying. I'm not sure If this is some type of tic I've developed or if its something else. Does anyone else have a similar reaction? &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; ",3.4310125567726435,5.90964804568528,3.9074913171253023,85.51511354528455,76.15736040609137,5.9747795885653225,28.64253272775848,7.0608816371341465,1.6229147208121826,823,36,150,9,19,258,114,197,0.182,0.818,0.0,-0.9867,0,0,1,0,0,0,66.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,4,8,0,11,2,1,4,2,34,27,18,1,5,16,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,5,0,2,4,4,16,3,21,22,8,19,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,13,8,97,26,1,0.04277722422732157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03791942824750403,0.0,0.08567042181285048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0355940773691165,0.5098401503598416,0.5717691060038405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02991082979974751,0.04383032139937261,0.0,0.03808079886051376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026076598845134743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046701649652295465,0.04751585268165779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044396005095243066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03743463719195616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146976357680873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02825395316053571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04813627003199041,0.0,0.0,0.04107284362279874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704800228186737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07565551622053593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045465419541612685,0.06289236363516931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041912597278086994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04083570086879199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040438303715612176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05000428596007273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565492799730366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03538576192847835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032931997116279546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049001165823242834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063405517319297,0.044461915078808735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393835207671889,0.048919483976000384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02494374345227587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03694578712155409,0.0,0.0,0.025231115168937016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5717691060038405,0.02754712989600736 ptsd,dmmontro,2019/02/05,"Hurt My smile has faded My humor is gone I don’t have joy in anything But keep trudging along. Loss is my life Failure my mantra I don’t want to wake up I don’t want to feel I don’t want responsibility I don’t think anyone truly cares. My life is in shambles Trauma relived I cant just get over it I wish that it was easy My past wont let go Its grip is deepening Nothing I did wrong But this pain is seething I look to the sky And stare at the ground I just want it to end I want to live and be happy Loved and appreciated All I have is abandonment And the solitude it created I look to my friends I listen to family Statements like Just be happy And you need to cheer up They stab me to the core What’s left is rotten Damage and baggage Anderson and sorrow Pain and anxiety Flashbacks so real I feel what I felt As the time it happened I see the sights, smell the smells I am locked up inside My personal hell I don’t want to do this Face it daily But my responsibilities I don’t take lightly I promise you this I will keep on trying But don’t give me shit If you see me crying It’s the only release I have Because words tend to fail me. ",-1.426666666666666,0.3463423495934954,1.2680162601626035,95.70828455284556,107.21138211382114,3.975284552845528,16.035772357723573,5.953557352011769,-0.4366237398373979,902,26,204,11,45,307,132,246,0.184,0.61,0.20600000000000002,-0.2373,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,3,1,2,4,23,2,0,8,0,29,8,3,0,1,36,57,15,0,9,8,0,4,1,1,2,4,1,0,1,14,9,0,3,5,0,0,2,10,13,0,0,4,15,40,10,21,48,1,17,1,6,6,1,9,11,2,1,5,130,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997107635668404,0.0,0.0,0.09137562240258013,0.0,0.10753983281473192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966229842398766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323861406370874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354761569257535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157451208795069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231949944975954,0.0,0.1321531002880017,0.0,0.12547484222282454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096429013805436,0.0,0.06827574917816734,0.12536171115634695,0.07426937230336426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11556131891229444,0.2782260143930625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989736968202734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23231164442296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198595504001033,0.13363080338033034,0.18460857614285647,0.06384443519432903,0.0,0.1153942585960146,0.0,0.21947928405558054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794525800482265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689876027861744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253925323052699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938925552790273,0.2781089002280813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475038666974553,0.0,0.11410614396435778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874428559329908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827265252561528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414279793745146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982563095498176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837355010044025,0.0,0.0,0.07620149953249472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872423715203279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4624764076238891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027740577055165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287982921939815,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dinosaur_apocalypse,2019/02/05,"I forgot how utterly exhausting being triggered is. I’ve got my PTSD under control for the most part. I’m not super easily triggered. If I feel something coming on, I’m able to ground myself. I’ve been doing martial arts for a few years ago. I started by infrequently going to Aikido and Taihojutsu/Judo classes. I was doing them with a FWB, we’ll call Nick. When we stopped sleeping together, we remained close friends and classmates. When we started getting into ground grappling in Taihojutsu, I told Nick about how I was diagnosed with PTSD and I was afraid of getting triggered. He’s been extremely helpful, understanding, and cautious with me. A couple of months ago we took up BJJ and cardio kickboxing together. So now I go to BJJ 3-5 times a week and kickboxing 2-3 times a week, on top of weekly Aikido and infrequent Taihojutsu. I’ve been able to power through/ground myself from every trigger in BJJ. Even so much as working with a guy who looks EXACTLY like my abusive ex. It’s really uncanny. The only person in these classes who knows about my history is Nick. So yesterday, during the street self-defense portion of our kickboxing class, we worked on “What if somebody came up to you and tried to choke you from the front?” Immediately I was thrown off. Nick could tell I wasn’t okay. He kept asking if I was okay, if I wanted to do something else. I powered through thinking, “No I should learn this. So it never happens again.” But still. Damn. I was shook. I was able to distract myself during BJJ. But I’m still so tired and foggy brained. 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I recognise that I am suffering PTSD from a miscarriage and subsequent surgical evac of that pregnancy, which isn’t helped by the fact I work in maternity. My work are fairly supportive and I had what was deemed the appropriate time off after my miscarriage, but I find myself extremely affected by similar cases in work. I’m also terrified of the prospect of becoming pregnant again and keep running worse case scenarios in my head. I have had bad flashbacks, and when I needed another General Anaesthetic later on last year, again bad flashbacks. I also have ptsd from personal examinations and just don’t know how I’m going to cope with future ones (smears, pregnancy exams etc) I’m finding it difficult speaking to anyone about or where to even start looking to start to help with all this. 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I have the best family, friends, and boyfriend in the world. I'm about to graduate from a program and it's like everything is falling into place. I go through phases where I'm happy then go downhill but overall I feel like I'm always pretending. No one gets what I've been through and I cant explain it all to anyone. Which isn't their fault but I wish someone could get in my head just so they understand. I'm upset with myself because it's been over two years since what caused my ptsd and I still can't get over it. I want to be strong but I don't even want to leave the house. I've been having a lot of sleep paralysis and seeing my ex when he's not there. My ex boyfriend has threatened me before and I'm sure that's part of it of course. I've taken meds before and went to therapy for a bit but nothing helps. I just don't know what to do anymore. Sorry if format or anything is wrong I'm new. Just need someone to talk to who understands. 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I have been dating my current boyfriend for two months. He knows about my sexual assault and PTSD. He always triple checks that I’m comfortable with any intimacy that we have. My PTSD comes from an experience where I gave a guy a blowjob while blackout drunk. Last night was the first time I have my boyfriend a blowjob (after he made sure that I was absolutely okay with it). I also gave him one this morning. At the time, I was really happy that I was doing something for him since he does so much for me. But now...I’m having intrusive flashbacks, dissociation/floaty feeling, and negative self-talk. Also, being close to him right now (physical presence “close”) is making me really anxious. I’m scared of him when I have no reason to be scared. I want to tell him this but it’s so hard to think up how to tell him and how to get the strength to tell him. I don’t want to be scared of him. Please, if anyone has advice how to deal with this crippling anxiety, I would greatly appreciate it. 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I got a tentative diagnosis of PTSD at the end of last year by my therapist, and have been going to therapy on and off for a while now. I have nightmares sometimes, and panic attacks pretty often, but I also started passing out and ‘losing time’ and I’m not sure if it’s related to PTSD or if it’s a different thing, so I’m wondering if anyone here has had any related symptoms. I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to post it, but honestly you guys seem like a good community (this is more or less a throwaway, but I’ve been lurking for a while on another account). And I know that it says no medical advice, and I don’t know if this would really fall into it- I’m seeing a doctor regularly, and I don’t want advice about what to do more than just wanting to know if this is something other people experience. Anyways, when I black out it doesn’t feel at all like a panic attack, my vision goes dark while when I have a panic attack my vision goes bright and everything looks white. Also, during panic attacks I feel over sensitive/ every sense seems alarmingly heightened, but when I pass out it just feels like I completely lose control, everything goes black and I can feel myself falling and then I wake up. Ive checked with my doctor to see if it could be caused by heart problems as they run in the family, but all results came back completely normal. Honestly I didn’t even think of it being related to PTSD until a friend suggested it. Along with passing out, there has also been days where I look at the time and realize that somehow four or five hours passed by without me recalling any of it. I don’t use any substances, and honestly it’s a fairly scary experience and I don’t know if any of you have felt anything like that that ended up being related to PTSD. Thanks in advance! Sorry that this is kind of a messy post. ",6.636335149863761,6.170299738419622,7.449878746594006,74.33400068119894,65.23978201634877,10.718746594005447,33.336376021798365,10.241411754978122,3.312139073569483,1472,55,276,31,20,494,187,367,0.155,0.72,0.125,-0.9061,1,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,2,1,4,19,25,4,5,16,0,28,7,2,4,3,72,57,43,0,14,20,0,5,4,1,1,5,1,0,1,25,23,0,1,14,0,2,10,10,12,0,2,8,14,27,13,43,44,5,50,0,2,8,0,7,19,0,16,23,199,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491712984178076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789329044781574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20169829082416504,0.07775278650751874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05184743491393589,0.0,0.06101916830675315,0.0,0.0,0.3374255192780604,0.0,0.05701680690912704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480789666113621,0.0,0.0761725208674713,0.0,0.0,0.15548982096489264,0.0,0.08316557957210212,0.059202776575347074,0.0,0.0,0.04782064416884597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747101405930365,0.0,0.15179142429959447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13134986035917665,0.0,0.0,0.04897540480687815,0.0,0.06247461022523184,0.0,0.13328255684165213,0.1450659428289247,0.06990206239904542,0.0,0.14996996103992702,0.10594561265168026,0.07119567062232758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728814013984436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042141178854381435,0.062193538971843376,0.059304564007718885,0.0,0.0,0.07342020151914665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786815928520489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302285705633682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721586042111175,0.1630037001998559,0.060442182621666216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14490386434890118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245347237679406,0.16590986501776436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469836845740194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265129967968878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34799640095969586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05140630422246209,0.0,0.07747101405930365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203049057808262,0.0754372522787551,0.0,0.07095157802809618,0.3467097341117021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04750241697526607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332373251832457,0.0,0.058967091238643715,0.0,0.0,0.11817596982923224,0.13500683054803428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05708432659687166,0.07333628963343057,0.16600980724827202,0.052483782867037816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988553904101533,0.15414057474372975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682673982410112,0.08479703767664848,0.08609391632224718,0.049261994482746534,0.04751235421613921,0.0,0.0,0.08647497403517068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06404183053273488,0.0,0.0,0.08747123435128003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147799646854545,0.08041255980480723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267406386483495,0.0,0.0,0.047750197300144286 ptsd,cman_the_bartard,2019/07/26,Vet who still can’t do it anymore Best friend and srg died died from a IED I almost lost my right arm and I’m extremely paranoid all the time I just can’t do do I still cope after spending 3 years in infantry as being half Iraqi Chaldean my mothers side and I still hate these people cause the killed my friends or tried to and I spoke the language been speaking it since I could talk it was spoken in the House but unless you’re family I don’t trust you and I can’t let people get close cause nobody would understand and think I’m crazy my therapist and and dr have said I PTSD I just think it’s normal to sleep with a gun it was SOP for military not on huge bases or like me stuck on a firebase or sleeping in houses where usually I was awake with my weapon in hand safety off cause I’d have to stay with family to watch to interpret it sucked i still have nightmares and night terrors and forth of July I blacked out on Xanax and my sister told me I was hiding cursing these fucking savages cause I thought it was a rocket or mortar attack the fucked up cause I need benzodiazepines to sleep and not dream but I can’t be bugging out around my sister and her babies I live with them,2.597020905923344,4.356292418699187,3.3208478513356567,92.11817073170737,76.03252032520325,6.149128919860628,22.283391405342627,6.868970318607317,0.4639537746806042,949,26,203,9,21,299,142,246,0.21,0.706,0.084,-0.9854,0,0,0,1,0,0,0.0,0,1,1,2,8,14,7,1,9,0,22,9,5,5,1,48,39,21,3,4,11,3,1,1,2,1,2,3,0,0,10,21,0,0,5,1,1,0,7,9,0,1,12,6,30,5,28,22,2,27,0,1,2,2,14,17,3,5,10,130,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302762518554938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203740300315477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159227160893484,0.0,0.11705012986089099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797477109960547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.528472385754652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214781977481883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21356332213143586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398759166427693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15898226683517375,0.19023688297436187,0.053754814496158106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158075217659203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374382339516664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11383049948754632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052101094919842,0.0,0.05026595550826388,0.0,0.09085212596589136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123145753325015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629026332750068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965535637416767,0.10080854678999386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426593838612229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027074741897988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786592229781187,0.09787019666584816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511014512888736,0.0,0.30888737913369463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966508364910968,0.3286664543270287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269760174826532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194610781936427,0.0,0.13185315071354411,0.0,0.08168170244372412,0.05999491065281759,0.0,0.0,0.09831404138844556,0.0,0.06985430356794631,0.0,0.0,0.10711019802152554,0.0,0.0,0.11331676693130613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308879338908594,0.0,0.0,0.06625659857408975 ptsd,bratbones,2019/07/26,"I want to use marijuana to help my severe anxiety, but my boyfriend has trauma linked to weed. I’ve had severe anxiety most of my life, I’ve tried almost everything to ease it, including cbd oil which hasn’t helped a lot. I want to try edibles to help, I’m very educated on the effects of marijuana and all that. My boyfriend was abused by his stepdad as a child, and went through a lot of trauma by the hands of him and his mother. Weed was always present throughout his childhood and he’s developed a general aversion to drug taking but particularly is triggered by weed. Its sad, I even think it could help him with his anxiety and depression a lot as well as me but it’s such a huge trigger that he doesn’t think he’ll get past it. Is it possible he could with the right professional help?",5.280189873417719,5.8087730949367105,6.180860759493672,78.89040506329115,68.0506329113924,10.11746835443038,32.255696202531645,10.125756701596842,3.0889751898734183,631,26,128,15,10,209,89,158,0.19699999999999998,0.672,0.131,-0.9325,0,0,1,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,9,0,10,3,1,4,1,28,20,11,0,4,3,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,9,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,4,2,14,1,21,13,5,7,0,2,0,0,17,3,0,5,3,79,23,1,0.0,0.16873080218183073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260155582295053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184952916890419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268263700770339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22740322095661716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265624436544265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514866443549514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405948035700716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798758975666938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440257082817245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4772671251872954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058734490129274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632118778725844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359450403951874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16054420217159224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161609278017098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32176217151377456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707347950907348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249925103142725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19337206602166734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299523250034633,0.0,0.11750193820950347,0.16799246237392848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12804235658841867,0.1320141191330282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway_cptsd_,2019/07/26,"Should I tell my friend that she might be suffering from PTSD? I have a good friend that I suspect has complex PTSD. She is basically a textbook example of someone with C-PTSD but I never connected the dots before I actually started researching and found out about this condition. I always knew she had serious problems that had something to do with her fucked up childhood and subsequent abusive relationships with BPD girlfriends (she's a lesbian). She is 26 but her controlling parents basically keep her infantilized and she has given up on ever living independently. Her parents don't want her to go to therapy and they seem to control her life completely. She is house-bound and only interacts with friends online. Recently it has gotten even worse. She told me she cannot be herself anymore. She feels crushing guilt and hates everything she is. It's like she tries to stop existing. She deleted her social media presence. She can no longer find the energy to communicate so we don't talk like we used to. I get it and I don't pressure her. All of this made me want to understand her better so I started researching and found about complex PTSD. Everything makes sense now. Should I tell her about PTSD/C-PTSD? I hesitate because I'm worried it might be too overwhelming given her current ""freeze"" state. She has given up on herself and I don't know if/when she is coming back.",3.637287946428572,6.549626367187504,4.477276785714288,79.24718750000002,78.296875,7.8758928571428575,29.845982142857146,8.738905477910976,2.9782950892857145,1114,53,188,27,28,358,141,256,0.17600000000000002,0.735,0.08900000000000001,-0.975,3,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,2,0,1,3,10,15,2,3,5,0,26,3,0,6,3,48,52,13,0,5,2,2,2,2,4,4,1,0,0,0,9,17,0,4,11,0,0,2,7,8,0,0,11,2,47,7,24,34,1,19,0,2,0,2,45,6,1,3,12,132,56,3,0.0,0.10865451474357653,0.08949009815754506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07630526407381599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094595264033573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051489086511366,0.0,0.05590204629805697,0.0,0.07803354380011929,0.0,0.0,0.08110493751285834,0.0,0.0,0.11549826506666445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899507248371243,0.09615013844470774,0.0,0.2057081792253769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056977779439544,0.08295172450658332,0.0,0.0,0.16483569423471076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046368413144523946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381600314547258,0.0,0.0,0.20109790560021493,0.21255137750513745,0.0847790812007264,0.04791167424367393,0.0,0.05211762616907021,0.07691715567489456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905389396899526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151093151361764,0.0,0.0,0.050398245505583535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477340834198686,0.08960410740627042,0.0,0.08097651353506427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867727579687913,0.061213284369456535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19456738828647852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072795411751323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697451978410054,0.0,0.0,0.2036533857415732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774856139055225,0.6431840115597303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054686199442846,0.09845602165856623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348408511645015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348091198922788,0.07770069490013562,0.07059839507502402,0.0,0.0,0.12981744933405134,0.0,0.0,0.0766688409572902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370838487367765,0.16030707482010753,0.0,0.10487177696540964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762731987325406,0.0,0.06226115127427988,0.0,0.0,0.09546733560301868,0.0,0.07920300935152885,0.0,0.0,0.1081790594472932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931300950916498,0.09345444297231792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chronicallyjulian,2019/07/26,"The nightmares never end. [TRIGGER WARNING: Trauma, Suicide] I don't even have the energy for anything anymore. I've had nightmares consistently since I was young. 11, if I had to guess when it hit the point where it's worth mentioning. I've had numerous traumas in my life. I was bullied. My dad is emotionally abusive, but not in the way you'd think, he has problems of his own, he doesn't mean it. I suffered through my house being destroyed by Hurricane Sandy. I may have been sexually abused from ages 3-7 but I don't remember enough to say it's true. And I've been to the psych ward. My most recent stay was 7 months. Every night I have nightmares about the hospital. That I'm there again. I feel so guilty being out. I feel so much pain in remembering their faces. I feel so much pain in remembering my own. I can't look at simple, every day things, without remembering the stay. I saw things no one should. People choking themselves. Arms bloodied. Sometimes others, sometimes my own. Choking myself. Trying to figure out how to die. Crying in the shower. Slamming my fists against the walls and furniture. The banging of the doors. The alarms. The restraints. One girl tried to slit her throat. The staff were horrendous. Some were downright neglectful. Others were dismissive, rude, and harmful emotionally. I was told to get over it during meltdowns, since I'm a ""big girl."" So much happened. You're watched every single second. You're monitored. You're caged in. You're locked in. Several doors, several rooms, several walls, all concrete blocks. And the nightmares never stop. Every night I'm back there in one way or another. Some nights it's about seeing them all again, embracing them, wanting to see them again, because I had a lot of emotionally responsibility dumped on me being not only better than the staff but the oldest patient on the ward. Other nights I'm screaming, crying, on replay of my own suffering. Other nights I dream that it has followed me to college. I see the staff there, I see the patients, and I hear the code alarms. And it never stops. I'm scared to sleep. I just want to dream. Once. Just once.",2.207597245486689,5.092953954773872,2.998012283640424,86.69578261678764,87.34170854271359,5.561213474781315,23.70202866182765,7.093109894594671,1.250139996277685,1686,65,303,26,54,530,208,398,0.212,0.73,0.059000000000000004,-0.9972,2,0,0,0,1,1,77.0,0,1,4,1,19,18,3,3,23,0,29,7,4,2,6,50,54,17,2,5,10,1,3,0,0,2,3,3,4,2,16,8,0,4,10,2,1,1,11,16,0,4,15,13,38,2,39,32,15,48,0,3,7,0,16,21,0,8,22,197,54,5,0.0,0.18097762532487896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008312677745809,0.0,0.0,0.07574090492512141,0.0,0.0,0.06284798282942859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05872566606610202,0.0,0.04655590986577892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754518681455685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778300375070898,0.04925388377152344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926249983327216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577260320883901,0.0676432832302941,0.07891311108190732,0.0,0.05044325391151458,0.0,0.2573881840520641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584854970062275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03990143000694725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08413281556661023,0.0,0.06753586644734927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607725219712735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881235026275898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0539440889943531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413358620105084,0.0,0.0,0.06492908852166153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08319193952781223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06095972587482847,0.0,0.16842751790794006,0.0,0.17670932326856573,0.0,0.0,0.35835164735199515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266823983771156,0.15525575662113122,0.05808465627437374,0.1625312493869837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052947010173197036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219660946160117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730780782722852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540853733986219,0.0,0.3460601925809478,0.0,0.0,0.06073440265585332,0.0764621017312284,0.0,0.2434356786163105,0.0,0.0,0.2588372408903144,0.0,0.12635208699247347,0.0,0.0764275612895001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15106852484404484,0.0,0.0,0.1628056463572656,0.0,0.12770150237757594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835390164769388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10147686601793343,0.048936354015024684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729771068494999,0.0,0.10370370098476164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900928476596388,0.12124172216113545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362027407771032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,skibblezing,2019/07/26,"Not doing great today. This week. This month. Trigger warning, possibly. . . . . . My sexual, physical, emotional, and psychological abuser is back in the city I live in. He's in a band that's touring the area. I've seen him 3 times around town, in spaces I have always felt safe in. Last night, I saw a picture of him performing posted by one of the people I follow on instagram. It feels like that picture is overlaid on my brain. I can't stop seeing it, even when I'm looking at other things. It's like a transparent after-image, like I stared at something too bright for too long. I just want to leave my house without being terrified. Without looking over my shoulder. Without my heart racing with terror. I'm working at a fair this week that I went to with him once and I'm so scared of seeing him. I don't know what to do.",1.9151605918441001,4.27208300613497,3.5690436665463743,86.55202093107184,80.90184049079755,6.043883074702274,23.085167809455072,7.285733465282438,1.0595026344280043,642,22,124,9,17,213,104,163,0.107,0.7490000000000001,0.14400000000000002,0.4539,1,0,1,0,1,0,30.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,0,2,7,0,8,3,3,1,0,17,23,4,0,1,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,2,3,1,0,2,6,2,0,1,4,10,18,6,25,18,0,29,0,0,8,0,6,15,0,0,14,81,30,1,0.0,0.17535552560147544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231476641297542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175117251209362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380268716458185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652166890788079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647982031632802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775245184948654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483313028872597,0.10573106480932301,0.14210298805786642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317026821495798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538043929396396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17077186302299988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813368027171302,0.12063956530222535,0.0,0.15671038628259085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21691563467048447,0.0,0.1306865078347391,0.13097513861086918,0.2485650631519651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11813200391057302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888775777394452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761492418857306,0.10028847398890994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260440517197228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684750259013814,0.14174286814106246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817358790738694,0.0,0.23587330918551236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393745307516848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373443418388975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832447046988084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629985570197321,0.0,0.14028647620347628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729409851593314,0.0,0.2374329755594853,0.0,0.0,0.13719726895176662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279994888643356,0.0,0.10774559476974192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MortalKarter,2019/07/26,"time to do something about it new to the sub. been afraid for so long now. almost too much to leave the house except for walking my dog most days. spend most of my time playing video games trying not to think. thought getting clean three yeara ago would fix my problems, and i did get a little better for a while, but fact of the matter is that i drugged because that was my only coping mechanism. woke up this morning from a rape dream (night terror) swinging. punched my girlfriend in the shoulder, second one almost in her face but got the pillow instead. not the first time i had a violent night terror in bed with her, but first time i landed a blow. she's fine. i'm not. therapist told me to do EMDR two years ago. it's time to face this. i've got shit to really live for (my girlfriend, my dog, my sister), i'm sober, and i'm so motherfucking tired of being afraid. i'm calling that reference, man. i'm cashing in. posting this so that strangers i have no reason to lie to can help hold me accountable in the coming week. pray for me if that's your thing",3.1661143330571697,4.722260408450705,3.8110245788456254,90.05567522783764,74.02347417840375,6.326318696492683,24.266500966583816,6.794906146795322,0.7375702292184481,829,25,172,7,17,262,129,213,0.16399999999999998,0.7609999999999999,0.075,-0.9814,0,0,2,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,0,3,7,11,3,4,12,0,11,7,4,1,1,25,25,10,0,3,8,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,3,1,11,4,0,1,4,4,3,2,4,8,0,6,9,0,20,3,27,14,3,29,1,0,0,1,12,8,1,5,18,107,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24730922864267865,0.0,0.2793697968985537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503534789503754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233727034004998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424408133374732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201632840921545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996325394065341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16177084666135955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373101207206181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576160113430886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223135076676442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935010975584828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095942975382724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477059157523543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13981144334183007,0.12317735138115588,0.12344939763229415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254546717191323,0.0,0.0,0.13472591759608987,0.0,0.26181472632960545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452596755920144,0.10609284552476674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133598420862719,0.0,0.0,0.13347864593990766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936458459346168,0.14342492039907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431904390896925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073906857367516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16196538109140654,0.09267481432551647,0.0893832791664788,0.0,0.1107440872335663,0.406705628073998,0.1603299070353142,0.0,0.13329421951394455,0.0,0.09470849476109378,0.0,0.13626713182403166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189512040886383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909381744894002,0.0,0.0,0.0898307247861745 ptsd,avoidant_crybby,2019/07/26,"I dreamed about my father raping me several times My family is a dysfunctional one. My father never was violent towards me or my brother (at least when we were child) but he was towards my mother, besides he did drugs and was kind of alcoholic since I can remember. I have really bad memories from early childhood and these memo- ries got worse and worse, I used to get paranoid over little details about him. I remember how he robbed my first kiss. I started avoiding contact with him, I didn't want him to hug me at all. I didn't know why. Then I started to have these horrible nightmares. Now I'm twenty years old but I still don't know why I dreamed that. I don't know if those dream could be repres sed memories. My therapist told me it was just my huge fear towards him manifesting in my sub- conscious mind, she told me that didn't happen, that people dream weird, scary stuff and that I didn't have to worry about that. I haven't told me or to touch nothing about these dreams to my psychiatrist yet. I don't know what to do, what to believe",4.320689102564103,5.556633408653852,4.965115384615388,84.16321794871797,70.68269230769229,8.238974358974358,28.28974358974359,8.648137234880735,2.006872051282051,831,30,166,14,15,267,116,208,0.184,0.7240000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9706,0,1,2,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,0,1,10,9,2,2,1,0,22,5,0,2,2,27,37,12,0,3,6,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,13,6,1,1,7,5,0,0,9,6,0,2,14,1,37,3,22,21,2,23,0,0,0,3,18,9,0,3,14,116,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753037589598572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115263569144049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553181798676524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021938292962953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600908184955334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301385277652593,0.15534137614417404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742279974266875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212391636813002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040888329827757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207460190398528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375481996463188,0.3034683217671219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13835946872732624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938822650966992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647044020453952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245992350187613,0.0,0.1448572180687454,0.0,0.09354429322678068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570448309770628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843651243310106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127609259079385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559539387575851,0.0,0.11419399447083947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954209074655604,0.0,0.11024459895860417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15803091144695638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028333263992045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049637895683757,0.0,0.0,0.3957297833900947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192283783180074,0.0,0.0,0.08142376111381379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249132086654592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401935393779945,0.28136359397023564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889781165063733 ptsd,pessimisticff,2019/07/26,"Having flashbacks that seem too real. Idk if it deserves the NSFW tag, but I can’t sleep and I need to get this off my chest. Recently I started having some issues pop up again, but it’s getting worse. I used to be able to go and have the occasional thought, or the nightmare re living moments. Then it went away. But the last couple weeks they are back. But this time worse. Anything from hearing a baby cry in Starbucks brings me back to what I could’ve done more to help with on a call. Or driving down the road, looking at my Girlfriend, and seeing a bloody body for a second. Or not being able to hold my best friends kid because idk if it would bring me back to a moment. What scares me the most is how if nobody else has experienced it, then they wouldn’t believe it. And I can’t talk to anyone, even my girlfriend about it, because they might not understand or call me crazy. I just don’t know what to do. I thought that “Hey, you’re young, you can deal with it. Those guys who have done this 30 years look fine. So you can look fine.” But all that this job has done to me is make me not want kids , or anyone to love so I can’t lose them. I just want to stop reliving the worst moments and things I’ve seen. But it’s just getting In the way of me enjoying life.",2.7851140684410645,3.9707079201520936,3.447245247148292,93.76911882129278,74.36121673003801,6.1725475285171125,23.41615969581749,6.2581,0.3115507224334606,985,27,224,6,20,310,148,263,0.141,0.759,0.1,-0.8256,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,4,2,13,9,0,1,13,0,24,5,3,3,1,47,49,24,0,8,20,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,3,22,7,0,2,5,0,0,5,8,3,0,1,7,7,27,6,26,37,6,32,0,1,5,1,21,9,0,12,17,155,49,1,0.22497157940241455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730535916793253,0.0,0.09256622051366273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568410223005192,0.2594838868404113,0.0,0.13714058669300586,0.0,0.0,0.12673296524412886,0.11804689646968798,0.0,0.0,0.12494635425196135,0.0,0.0,0.22972113590035634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981075002440138,0.12446338679047188,0.12356035806101012,0.0,0.11596790994749374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34533605128906336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939674434340837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742958032188985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690624209008689,0.0,0.17630754731736895,0.0,0.06392826652323699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137861679485928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267796602114412,0.0,0.075396853738036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740593972240727,0.11162478943636116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181924826224209,0.09169093188484224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945203986597599,0.0,0.0,0.0993270131413672,0.0,0.2833791992368601,0.1258428259249702,0.0,0.0,0.10152281694378484,0.0,0.07508513809202776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193296468910342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08340678776117925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12803345495335725,0.0,0.0,0.11106614694315904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261789879558096,0.0,0.08963661080757472,0.10240283827317384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11256702559326454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961802091169676,0.0,0.0,0.09404315697045414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904118168758464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747305604250277,0.0,0.0,0.17860230447624245,0.06559136856153258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710167410339617,0.0,0.0971516061541546,0.0,0.0,0.13269406634417785,0.08928598408228282,0.09022931546006904,0.0,0.0,0.10427545399992222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22926525927078995,0.07990667762876477,0.0,0.0,0.07243716057609523 ptsd,TheCeleryUwU,2019/07/26,"My friend’s anxiety Lately, one of my friends from school who has PTSD has been acting a bit more erratically that usual. She had come over to my house and we had gotten tired and slept a bit. I had woken up and I had found her hand shaking and I’m pretty sure I saw a tear or two. I already tried talking to her about it since I have a similar situation but she avoids the subject. What should I do to help her out?",0.8537752525252529,2.8885829886363648,2.839242424242425,92.12191919191922,82.75,5.729292929292932,20.005050505050505,6.937597516519254,0.21609444444444392,325,9,74,4,9,109,64,88,0.079,0.787,0.134,0.6956,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,5,0,10,3,2,0,1,13,17,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,2,10,2,15,3,9,6,3,8,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,1,2,52,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195151326463128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217461855322598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4343421307262991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171353501225073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181074662646264,0.30737295024089056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333307720473012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22952902837074055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22439243421826646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13479454743875768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023749656943418,0.0,0.0,0.23252891783318005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131946304132484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455015345087926,0.22359641716433004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748142514118432,0.0,0.0,0.1598857931341734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286313255263741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505483222832018,0.0,0.19431767628820087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908423912174926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,untruthsteller,2019/07/26,"Hyper-vigilance in the classroom Hi there, I've been scrolling through here for a good half-hour now and I think i might be able to get some advice here. I don't qualify as having PTSD, but I suffer from generalized anxiety, depression, and the occasional psychotic symptoms (usually triggered by extreme stress). I'm being treated for all of these things, but my therapist mentioned hyper-vigilance and survivors guilt and I figured I'd look into it myself. My current problem is similar to descriptions of hyper-vigilance, and I thought it might be worth asking about here. &#x200B; tw// suicide mentions, murder/suicide, gun violence, school shootings A little bit of background: While I was in high school, I was intensely suicidal. It was really, really bad. On top of that, every year I attended (Freshman, Sophomore, and half of my Junior year) someone died. Two were plain suicides and one was a murder/suicide, in which a gun was brought on campus. I dropped out and got my GED and it's been a few years since, and I've decided to go to community college. I really want to be able to live comfortably. I want to learn and push forward and try to find which career I'd like to pursue, and since I'm just uncertain about everything (and can't work a retail job to save my life) junior college seems right. As the date of my first class is getting closer, The anxiety about the situation keeps growing. I'm terrified that my hyper-vigilance is going to affect my work. In restaurants and at shows (like a friend's aerial arts performance) I cannot sit with my back to the door without either whipping around or having a panic attack. More recently it's been easier, but sometimes that's not even enough. Most classrooms are situated with student's backs to the door and if I have to keep examining the room and looking over my shoulder, I don't know what I'll do. Additionally, loud noises like objects being dropped scare the shit out of me and will throw me right into a loop if I can't quickly identify it. I don't know how to cope in that situation. I don't know how I'm going to cope sitting on campus between classes without freaking out about the possibility of someone coming in to hurt me. I was hoping someone might have advice here, because honestly the way that I've coped up to this point is by facing the door or having my back to a wall and watching every new person that comes in the room until my brain is satisfied. tl; dr: experiencing a symptom of PTSD without actual diagnosis/thinking i actually have PTSD, but am reaching out because of how one aspect of my anxiety behaves. I have a hard time coping with crowds and academic environments because I believe someone is going to hurt me (and others) and I go into a hyper-vigilant state, how could I cope with it when my usual methods won't be able to be used? &#x200B; ofc, I won't know how any suggestions will work until school actually starts, but I've been trying to think of some ideas just to calm down the current worrying about it. Any help or ideas are appreciated!",7.810281768882426,7.494500093587526,8.193122379381679,69.47357913568516,62.795493934142115,11.050013976631071,37.677028009168666,10.527976200630613,4.09030098954548,2442,110,417,52,31,808,278,577,0.152,0.745,0.10300000000000001,-0.9892,3,0,1,3,0,4,82.0,0,0,0,6,26,25,2,5,27,0,50,8,4,8,1,94,83,43,4,7,17,0,1,3,1,7,4,1,5,1,21,37,0,2,15,2,2,13,13,14,0,5,14,6,44,11,80,54,9,73,0,4,3,0,9,33,1,14,26,288,65,22,0.18533531235516112,0.0,0.18086052991841775,0.0,0.0,0.12073834816211056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13387382233636094,0.15013512698157097,0.08402291188011643,0.0,0.1417810066666405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499590712136996,0.057754499541315264,0.07028189122613591,0.0,0.1425114151350229,0.05158241478513023,0.11297868619153008,0.0,0.0,0.06960314353664028,0.0,0.0,0.06744605322226031,0.0,0.0,0.06896516755207123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643330725593042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04932505534799144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320967765233559,0.0,0.06411626451748535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638336403049124,0.0,0.0408040752905412,0.0,0.1041019960704668,0.0,0.055522476084963635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646437262011152,0.05254870733690395,0.0,0.0,0.047729867527159096,0.0,0.0645533675150993,0.0,0.17555054844231222,0.05181682227639089,0.04940985999780512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534134543497767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041408784390316415,0.06527231103932403,0.0,0.0613599278532269,0.06083931657138101,0.0,0.1322701900482028,0.1394806723714819,0.0,0.0,0.061305566601553424,0.10982302750965536,0.0,0.0,0.135807254310997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043635937377600235,0.0905454719685015,0.0619182241044778,0.054551492103311436,0.0,0.10375665632477113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966114781122752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966599985668175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08372533611162734,0.0,0.0,0.07248368544164938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394254867742583,0.0,0.0,0.0584005919475491,0.0696459058460182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591136212810752,0.2166470621903452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873054687661652,0.0,0.06099875397734699,0.0,0.0,0.10551689606424357,0.0,0.0,0.06185099322472287,0.18756923068351905,0.0,0.056240769220203185,0.0,0.0,0.06341467826418981,0.10220752372164124,0.20832465633238648,0.0,0.0,0.20937867829694254,0.0,0.061100454310306765,0.0,0.043727096000200215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707669913733935,0.0,0.0,0.3378779176301975,0.0,0.0,0.1284229021071232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172952745409795,0.04104284874749857,0.11875538464527,0.0,0.04904517861823856,0.036023503687131836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388700757315858,0.0,0.06034855663227694,0.0,0.0,0.05335673457128421,0.13608044172233655,0.0,0.07287704606629294,0.04903684809960852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17865662740433075,0.0,0.13492631472747404,0.06273900202893866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013512698157097,0.11934986469982067 ptsd,icantkeepdoingthis8,2019/07/26,"RTM for complex trauma I’m just wondering if anyone has tried this and how it worked for you? Especially people with childhood trauma that wasn’t centered around a single event, but more an ongoing pattern of neglect or abuse, how did you choose one memory to start with? Have you done the protocol multiple times? My therapist wants me to do it, but it will be a financial burden for me and I guess I just want someone to tell me it is worth it. Thank you.",4.1375922953451045,5.8539707528089915,5.0135152487961525,81.76370786516856,71.80898876404495,8.681219903691815,27.32102728731942,9.23628265651192,2.34948025682183,363,13,69,8,7,118,67,89,0.18,0.75,0.07,-0.9176,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,4,0,1,5,5,0,0,4,0,9,0,0,2,0,20,16,8,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,4,0,1,3,0,10,1,10,11,2,6,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,4,4,53,17,1,0.0,0.31708018484027617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18712273101877466,0.0,0.0,0.2382342158296166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738632062643772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948082522699161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813429474815776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185530644932707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267494430332397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941937630238992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339074314358791,0.24638406932973894,0.0,0.3107218085728396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560485425469854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169311602934715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31569269115366233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902172079267442,0.19482701208377434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nemo1027,2019/07/26,"How to cope with flashbacks? I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago. Been in and out of therapy looking for someone I clicked with and finally got in with someone good. I’ve had flashbacks in the sense that I would constantly think about what happened, but now they seem so real. Like I feel like I’m actually in that room being held down again, and can see everything clearly. Therapy has given me some coping skills, but they don’t seem to work too well for this, so I was wondering how you guys deal with them? I’ll take as much advice as I can get",5.031517857142859,5.3969069732142865,5.505357142857147,84.08964285714286,68.55357142857143,9.257142857142858,30.285714285714285,9.23628265651192,2.3491285714285723,439,16,92,8,7,141,78,112,0.0,0.86,0.14,0.9374,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,3,2,10,4,0,0,3,0,10,1,0,2,1,23,24,12,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,4,9,0,1,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,7,4,11,4,19,15,2,13,0,0,3,0,6,7,0,4,8,64,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.17233502511581286,0.0,0.0,0.17257037457823052,0.1565442453315887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19084064354987867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206568338054666,0.0,0.17924413846986995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871567967168604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929369626764896,0.1261622699827265,0.0,0.1934554330190592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226562216512713,0.0,0.0,0.1481227557906332,0.14124225115670336,0.0,0.0,0.17486064886327052,0.15616579995104665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255457774953475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14829857555206666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982049120209888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20100817960942471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407264372530832,0.3215379623337933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29926330360163994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278037431132564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4039124034808095,0.0,0.0,0.1131574269118434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878359527929362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191513944299898,0.12856608264850278,0.0,0.0,0.12545077233639068,0.0,0.0,0.11372388403312934 ptsd,tigalicious,2019/07/26,"Need advice: should I tell my son? My stepson is 11 years old, and we found out recently that he has been self-harming... We're doing all of the logistical things we can to help: he's set up with a therapist, we took him for a two-week visit so he could get away from things, and we're looking at moving him to another school for a fresh start socially. But I keep going back and forth on whether I should tell him about my own struggles with self-harm and suicidal impulse. I don't know whether it would make him feel less alone, or make him feel more hopeless to know that adults who seem okay can feel that way too. Can you help me decide?",3.896785411365567,4.698430213740462,4.138575063613232,91.31607294317223,71.29007633587787,7.654283290924512,25.242578456318913,7.793537801064563,1.010368278201866,502,14,113,6,9,156,92,131,0.094,0.8320000000000001,0.073,-0.5803,1,1,0,0,0,1,17.0,3,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,1,12,0,0,2,1,31,28,9,1,5,4,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,7,10,0,1,8,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,3,4,17,1,15,21,4,16,0,1,1,0,21,5,0,2,5,70,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457976471133922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383535978540448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16587421317418422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486231042776947,0.1216370294695648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263004764621921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23995425506250584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344529339591486,0.0,0.0,0.08264685175592043,0.0,0.08990204980019771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120605506195388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060501912396467,0.0,0.0,0.1738722927474574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283832159426193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21118382184039236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16812911620004814,0.0,0.1172946115198428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599199863740066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15619185090793175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600949932229521,0.0,0.14400867670594722,0.33004976896064353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125303899606588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196648478486082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537274549092348,0.0,0.17303231261142407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765270731450592,0.0,0.0,0.1836687952997781,0.21018653970495105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575300901591345,0.0,0.0,0.154526972198776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255625003457172,0.12688910325732594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237242150056354,0.0,0.0,0.10186807138169343 ptsd,youngbossken,2019/02/23,"Has anyone gotten PTSD from benzo withdrawal depersonalization nightmares? I was on 6mg of Xanax for 4 years for SAD from a old and uneducated psychiatrist who told me it wasn't real and just prescribed me whatever i wanted, and started tapering with 10mg Celexa as well. My psychiatrist retired unexpectedly and I was left with no prescription and in withdrawal. I was found in my apartment after 3 days sweating and seizing. At the hospital I couldn't talk and I do not remember the 3 weeks I was there. I come to realize that it was depersonalization amnesia that I experienced but after I was released I have been way more anxious, self conscious and emotionally numb and detached. At the hospital I had benzo nightmares that seemed 100% real that I was being tortured and this went on for couple of days. The doctors told me they had to restrain me but it only made it worse because what I was experiencing felt real so I would be trying to get out of them but it as all in my head. Now I wonder if my ADHD is actually a depersonalization disorder or just PAWS from benzos. I cannot sleep more then 3-4 hours without waking up even if I took a bar, but before I would sleep like a baby. Has anyone experienced this? I also have developed AvPD ever since I was released and my life took a 360. I can barely go outside or communicate became of shame if I don't take a benzo to relax. I am back on it so I can continue living like before but I have stopped going to school and have my friend managing my business's. I just want to go back to how I was. I am pretty sure I am depressed and I am seeing a psychiatrist in a couple weeks, I just want to see if anyone has experienced this or have found out that there ADHD was actually derealization but that is for another sub. I appreciate you taking your time to read this. Thank you for all the replies.",4.9943801652892565,6.085856955922862,6.813846831955924,72.07240661157026,68.97245179063361,9.444363636363637,29.946997245179066,9.692545771848811,2.8534602534435263,1477,56,273,33,25,515,178,363,0.099,0.8,0.10099999999999999,-0.4411,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,2,0,16,12,1,1,13,0,39,10,5,2,4,62,65,33,0,10,19,0,1,2,1,2,4,0,0,1,18,18,1,2,8,3,0,7,7,5,1,0,25,7,49,7,40,35,4,40,0,2,2,0,11,14,0,9,20,208,67,4,0.0,0.0,0.18744798770137852,0.0,0.2308497490052105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680545424264545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070933093611917,0.0,0.1085011137816534,0.0,0.20146623865749985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770208847439348,0.0,0.05854684653777306,0.0,0.16345082930615265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273243453889312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125392338390771,0.0,0.12387942080282865,0.0,0.08272158944797181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007345810055542,0.09830395455714308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803530989563588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343541462593548,0.08687628103694954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221622370060747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21061211526084306,0.07420248872367356,0.0,0.05017843934291991,0.0,0.1637501413614426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856770043587472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945828877332442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435086715679667,0.0,0.0678379245315502,0.09384339702876654,0.0,0.08480762020452362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087809267967224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078084352971363,0.0,0.0,0.07304493601132975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771013420744733,0.0,0.0,0.11226898391626387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606886782302693,0.3279534623386899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879785749156662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720051926802653,0.1530674769203044,0.08743382833606715,0.10019366715169524,0.0,0.0,0.07944766054624212,0.0,0.19222447654757024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797964285209007,0.0,0.0,0.08029614590175417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051927519343757,0.0,0.14442458202659375,0.0771956266992021,0.0,0.08842337761022884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600337408459415,0.0,0.0,0.1835461700912396,0.2134143410153289,0.06520680923708935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994573217299502,0.07623436553820807,0.15407960583614422,0.0,0.08635408093941402,0.08903270942913963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925819063771483,0.10415440346976752,0.0,0.0,0.09787589709687493,0.13645220879642592,0.0,0.0,0.061848464063730915 ptsd,juniperberryy,2019/02/23,"any experiences with a (therapy) dog, or animal? hi! after a long time, the childwelfare finallllly agreed to help getting me get a therapy dog as it could help me a lot in my everyday life. i've had many dogs before, but none who were actually trained to be in therapy. however, i've had many close bonds to animals and it helps me during bad periods and panick attacks, even when i dissociate. do you guys have any experience with animals, have it helped you? if so, how? is there anything i should be prepared for, as i will be having this dog around me in school and public most of the time?",5.829068322981364,6.173280826086959,7.439751552795035,70.98434782608695,66.82608695652175,11.788819875776394,32.95031055900621,11.491704259439757,3.9795093167701854,465,19,90,15,7,162,79,115,0.07200000000000001,0.826,0.102,-0.4314,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,0,6,2,1,0,6,0,14,1,0,1,0,15,16,11,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,10,0,14,7,3,12,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,4,7,63,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.1516287520261856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21132785482385374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12786474182513896,0.13832140324574185,0.0,0.17676751463903387,0.0,0.0,0.1297360543601373,0.0,0.0,0.132217184986909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405852049773596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10262721805600368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039834832587841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235957994512296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385091885882654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4165925403087529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974969603997377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375066697133038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209876860003789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31506245826609885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725315180643767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5330727194881121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120699668925144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,9december3,2019/02/23,"I need to share this with somebody. Hi all. I am relatively new to reddit, and completely new to this sub. So, who am I. Girl of 25. Grown up in a dysfunctional family, I don't want to add too many details so I'll try to keep this short - father was violent, mother depressed, my older sister is in complete isolation since 18. I escaped that shithole at 23. However sometime I have this memory that torments me. My boyfriend doesn't know. My (few) friends never knew. My therapist doesn't know. This memory that torments me is my mother, 7 years ago, that keeps calling me slut. Why? Because she was constantly having dreams about me and my father having sex. She was rejecting me, and insulting me, everyday. For something in her own head. Something so embarrassing and sad that I cannot tell to anybody. So, nothing. I don't want nothing in particular here. Just to unload this. Thanks for your attention. TL;DR when I was a teen I was mistreated by my mother bc she was obsessed with the idea of me and my father having sexual intercourses. ",2.3584353741496566,5.175640387755101,4.030714285714286,80.71011904761906,83.89795918367345,7.348299319727893,26.023809523809533,8.344100000000001,2.3785789115646248,820,35,144,20,24,273,118,196,0.15,0.795,0.055,-0.9545,1,1,2,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,0,0,9,11,2,2,3,0,19,3,1,0,2,21,28,10,0,3,1,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,12,8,0,2,5,1,0,1,6,8,0,0,7,0,30,3,21,21,3,17,0,3,0,2,20,7,0,0,9,102,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702868088508614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011093285780776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936597962113667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3478110940340125,0.17924036760958864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428586655405874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563620862598797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814633506917456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022460815419796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724058858134385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948555948443699,0.0,0.0,0.1823093465099071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16816035145912495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298626559422687,0.12792476172328246,0.3203855198433547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183025094910664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720465046306002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553808598227878,0.16404401890434905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497269576641686,0.15270554896595334,0.0,0.19258121875691486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261096182912657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19566210525828173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966671858258182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681116140106042 ptsd,M_Nerd,2019/02/23,"Yesterday I was catcalled, freaked out and exploded (Mentions TW: sa,ed) So I was with a friend, at the mall. As I am a very large woman, I am used to being shouted ugly things at, being taken ""hidden"" pictures of, or just plain laughed at. And so when I heard two men at a table say ""Look, the one that comes walking here now"", and I just knew that it was me they meant, because my friend is a very pretty and normal-looking woman, and and they sounded cruel already, so I braced for laughter, or a cruel comment or something to that effect. And then what happened was that they said ""oh that one"" and mentioned my haircolour, ""she has a nice big ass"", and I felt such a pang of humiliation. If he had said it softly to his friend, it wouldn't have been so bad, but he damn near shouted it, and I just felt so revolting. It took me three seconds to decide, and I asked my friend to hold my bag and I turned and went back and asked him if he was aware that I could hear him. He blamed it on being under the influence. I replied ""well then go home,or behave properly"" and left, and it took me three full hours to really analyze what happened. I got scared. I have felt safe in this body for so long, because most men are repulsed by me/my size, and that makes it safe, and this was my town, and suddenly my town isn't safe anymore. (I was sexually abused for 12 years) so now I am afraid of being raped again, and I feel like I should gain weight, since not even this weight is safe. The flashbacks have been kicking my ass since yesterday,and I am so tired. It's been 18 years since I was raped last, I just want my body to feel safe, I just want to be able to brush this stupid shit off. Thanks for letting me vent. People without ptsd just don't get this. I feel like you do.",3.845727440147329,4.376384378453043,4.3742679558011055,90.56630064456724,71.23756906077348,7.2488029465930035,25.580570902394108,6.996647511020387,0.8322648250460398,1363,38,306,11,24,432,183,362,0.163,0.693,0.14400000000000002,-0.9421,0,0,1,0,1,0,62.0,0,1,3,2,23,26,7,2,11,0,35,10,5,4,0,62,66,38,0,7,14,0,9,2,4,2,1,8,0,4,24,23,2,6,10,1,0,6,5,11,1,6,25,19,44,15,30,32,2,35,0,0,1,4,30,15,4,6,16,204,68,0,0.10040112544986236,0.11895891594455775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110795138566065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957093785906417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.187722998279884,0.0,0.0,0.07720226807932642,0.08383074599282335,0.12240718836936272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22304603312251933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648667945185166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016212895778223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631399645406814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522974772311901,0.1434531681649502,0.28920247629260903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102786418672144,0.0,0.05245544414391844,0.0,0.057060273338000726,0.0,0.08029995183961425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756876731100907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315936531353005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071051503360512,0.0,0.0988748843015131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184031760134433,0.0,0.0,0.10908611657100374,0.10266695315685176,0.0,0.09810183687613223,0.0,0.0,0.08885183658396274,0.1686233174165771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701853086529923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837178576348812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606880201275307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06960549870628825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214403943865816,0.0,0.0,0.11736354282897805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431953188093019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910089238584064,0.07984300476383116,0.10051904169326087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306031247134237,0.2491585454661865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07729369152649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243586699761362,0.0,0.0,0.06670204647273055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153963241024114,0.0,0.0,0.22309868922259152,0.0,0.10920759358050464,0.09807731071039948,0.0,0.0,0.08671433630015407,0.0,0.1656828867052244,0.11843837018758265,0.0,0.0,0.24452304515451084,0.09027266946986033,0.09307284916785516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967831021111505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931006601902004 ptsd,RazzleberryBlitz,2019/02/23,"A strange and perhaps interesting question Does anyone feel emotionally immature after/during an unmanageable anxiety attack or panic attack? I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 7-8 years old (I'm 25 now & still have it) and I was curious if anyone else feels emotionally immature as well. I recently had a bad anxiety attack with no known cause. During and afterwards I kept asking myself if I'm emotionally immature. I'm curious if anyone else experiences this or if it's just me. I keep meaning to talk to my therapist about it but I keep forgetting. I'm mature in other ways but emotionally I feel like it's that of a teenager. 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Any advice? I’ve been searching for over a year for a way to get a PTSD trained dog. The problem is there’s no one where I live who trains PTSD dogs. The nearest facility only trains dogs for people who live within a hundred miles, and I live 250 away. I’ve tried reaching out to various trainers, with no luck. I’ve asked everyone I can think of. Does anyone know of a facility or trainer that would allow me to adopt (or better yet train with the dog) that wouldn’t mind my living out of state? I live in the USA. 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Anyway, thank you all for sharing your stories here. It encouraged me to do the same. Seven years ago, in a Monday afternoon, my girlfriend sent me a short email saying that she doesn't want to stay with the anymore. It happened after a few weeks where she was distant and confused. During this period, I offered total support, saying that no matter what was happening, I loved her and want to make things work out. In her message she didn't provide much detail. Tired, hurt, and proud, I reply to the message promptly saying she was rude and inconsiderate, but if she wants to dump me, fine. I promise myself I've crawled enough for someone who never wanted me in the first place. It was 7 years ago and We never talk to each other again. Turns out that our entire relationship last 2 years. From knowing her and being rejected a few times to make out a few times, from quitting her because she won't like to be my girlfriend, to spend holidays with her entire family as his official boyfriend. I told a love her a million times. She showed affection, but never at the same level. The last 8 months of our relationship, when we finally were stable, was the time she moved back to her hometown -- a 3-hour flight and 5 hours drive from me. That time, I've also got a promoted on my job, fulfilling a dream of several years. Even the soccer team I support won an important championship for the first time ever. I've never been happier in my entire life. Her message came only one week after my promotion, and seeing everything on perspective now, it explains a huge part of my failure at the new job. After 6 years in the company, I last only 10 months in the new hole. I suffered lots of harassment by my former manager and peers, but I know I was vulnerable and weak to fight back because losing her was a huge blow. In a few weeks, I start to see an ex-girlfriend again, we saw each other for about 6 months, and I dumped her. I simply couldn't be a good person with her. It happened again four years after she left me. It wasn't with the same intensity, but my then girlfriend just notice I couldn't love her the same way I love the one who dumped me by email in 2012. In one way or another, I guess all my other relationships were doomed since the beginning for the same reason. I'm writing this at Saturday at 4:00 a.m. It's been very common to me to wake up and think about the moments or dialogs I had with my ex-girlfriend. During the last seven years, I did a very good job removing triggers for that. Living in the same neighborhood where we've been together was so painful that I made mine out of my own country. It helped a lot but didn't solve the problem. Two-hour sessions of therapy twice a week, antidepressants, antianxiety medication, weed, professional success, love from family and friends, new relationships, new country, seven years waiting time to fix the wounds… and I'm still ruminating about this every single day, every day and it's always hard to stop. The only thing I never tried was to write back to her. I'm considering doing it on my own sake. I think it's fair to let her know how much damage she caused. At the same time, I know it won't fix the past, and the perspective of having an inconsiderate or pitty answer, already made me feel humiliated. If you read this far, thank you. Any advice is helpful. Especially if you had the same doubt and confronted your past. How's your life after that?",6.034138084916487,6.5442211907433405,6.435523077903862,77.78514232436571,66.40532959326788,9.455170215478773,30.37004335075864,9.398941070191057,2.587583730715288,2931,101,550,53,44,949,314,713,0.134,0.733,0.133,0.614,4,1,0,0,1,0,91.0,5,7,0,12,27,42,9,2,49,0,35,12,1,10,10,103,80,38,0,10,15,0,2,2,4,2,6,4,0,1,34,33,0,2,11,6,1,5,15,20,0,12,29,9,86,22,82,43,28,119,1,6,3,5,79,33,0,12,80,387,120,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567465553165374,0.14379141762868816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966843599007762,0.04324037287146967,0.044991209701123414,0.0,0.0,0.036769975756899526,0.05669791376477686,0.0,0.0,0.053623671661125465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473124680736727,0.0,0.06592207544907355,0.0,0.046010240255989064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06184255288394365,0.0,0.05554557223453234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461351474519004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05586955638564858,0.0,0.03571323168034495,0.04891010440295649,0.13667085986798855,0.0,0.048595318917774175,0.0,0.10194621399190304,0.0,0.02733980446323452,0.0,0.0,0.05923188234069837,0.0,0.09198513365455573,0.0,0.0,0.04177494049141574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070398805606472,0.04324533186527257,0.0,0.05956504589336607,0.0,0.14344380218202704,0.0,0.04843678669222316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087274861642777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974644144119962,0.0,0.057883874440964815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097067911084054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188635179830792,0.17629956748658715,0.0,0.0,0.05874804660442656,0.055291022711101236,0.07638356365431517,0.05283249111748848,0.0,0.04774547792400737,0.0,0.0,0.0604913575579271,0.0,0.09193806510719203,0.24400489161360686,0.10232613431078788,0.07218531373920685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544706092656596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947631117276792,0.057468668271229977,0.07949647048203418,0.0,0.2085135445147103,0.20888753499727614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155992666052125,0.0,0.0,0.14655900445132425,0.123369764581725,0.05753510840949425,0.0,0.0,0.05855337155305315,0.10323333076048606,0.0,0.047212508177872314,0.05649244318696491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173842164644255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05751091645571204,0.05408539936348847,0.0,0.0,0.055593753996840085,0.0,0.2322070735509808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719969767866802,0.0,0.0,0.08617480153973331,0.0,0.0,0.06108457613005652,0.0,0.044727897252354466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045813985451818966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03827156721588145,0.05763224332657604,0.0863619688180126,0.04520558237914787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271773135248185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346003438733528,0.0,0.09956219531862674,0.0618346344311947,0.0,0.07184443003322039,0.10393909272361693,0.0,0.0,0.28376189181110417,0.06214639258823875,0.0,0.05166693506428528,0.0,0.036710501525879916,0.058813467734446165,0.052819282614217984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922809112357499,0.1275693573160335,0.0858377161881751,0.17348923130369787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03936416238922776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133782107811113 ptsd,clockworks3825,2019/02/23,"Advice on therapy Hi, I’m new to reddit so I apologize if I’m in the wrong thread or anything.. I just had a few questions I was hoping to get some advice on. I have never been diagnosed with PTSD but I have experienced a lot of trauma in my past that is currently surfacing and making it very hard to function or go on in life. I was recently hospitalized but I didn’t find it helpful as I was unable to talk about anything that happened and the only thing taught was DBT, which isn’t bad, just not what I felt I needed. Anyway, through that stay I was set up to see a behavioral health social worker who I was told deals with trauma. My fear is I don’t know much about the behavioral approach and whether or not it would be helpful, as I didn’t find it helpful during my hospital stay. I am scared because I really need and want the right treatment and counseling because I cannot live this way anymore. Do you think that I should be seeing an actual psychologist or do a lot of social workers treat trauma? I just know when I was in the hospital I wasn’t listened to at all. I tried to explain how it is affecting my life, how disconnected from reality I feel, and how awful it was but they just said “well, you must be depressed.” Which I am, but that’s really not nearly the half of it. I just need suggestions on treatment I guess, and what has worked for you if you’ve had experience with counseling. Any advice is welcome, thank you.",4.3090484429065725,5.264127266435988,5.601901384083046,80.63676211072665,70.45328719723183,8.963391003460208,28.636851211072663,9.255337874911486,2.3638773702422142,1136,41,226,23,20,381,150,289,0.124,0.7759999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.8693,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,4,1,3,14,13,0,2,11,1,34,4,0,5,3,57,59,25,0,10,19,0,3,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,19,10,0,0,9,0,0,2,10,8,1,1,18,8,35,5,31,35,6,25,0,1,2,0,22,13,0,12,6,171,54,4,0.0,0.0,0.10932196067731384,0.0,0.0,0.32841376889635393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618204043216252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110044645167673,0.0,0.0,0.1843769613748284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353766778176373,0.13658094991512326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549467362099275,0.09648848685644833,0.11370480634609037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958367050871283,0.0,0.12606125371995686,0.05664409742328243,0.0,0.10756326066587107,0.0,0.20478086377484714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585293599570109,0.0,0.063667391096382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341010950328295,0.0,0.09906489658684643,0.0,0.10035397538978746,0.0,0.0,0.1190792105094876,0.0,0.0,0.2252675335392397,0.0,0.0,0.11126785301844097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231339584334222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825563152768218,0.0,0.0,0.0989216841943971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19048229565222533,0.0,0.0,0.07477873423477464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235256080281961,0.24919927593627364,0.08640194589137044,0.10819614583204644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852014014151913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694222141914868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095329104869893,0.0,0.12549561313982932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435344260319968,0.0,0.1106129134977878,0.0,0.0,0.09567024353680796,0.10656310552663667,0.0,0.11215833303511832,0.0,0.1785416519863136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283943541233937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23881124754223435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004286863740718,0.0,0.10313919214177428,0.12811236677145071,0.0,0.07442560351143912,0.07178222631696173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070463728911958,0.0,0.07605881847786583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243381190406924,0.06607628735743368,0.08892163008871459,0.0,0.0,0.10072551385105928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155681772924904,0.0,0.0,0.07958059826248957,0.12248367913409205,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bettysworld,2019/02/23,"What are your attacks like? I was recently diagnosed with PTSD but I also have bipolar 1 with psychosis. Trying to figure out which one is running the show is difficult. My “flashbacks” changed the course of my life and I had no idea it was happening. For example, I was dog sitting for my sister. I have a crazy strong bond with the dog but he’s not trained well. I had been awake for 3 days (mania). Dog starts barking at the window. I’m sure it was the loud noise in my usually quiet house. Suddenly the dog is right in front of me. He’s trying to bite me. I jump back and he cowers in fear. This happens 3 times. Suddenly the dog is in the living room on the rug. He’s on his side with one leg up in the air. He puts his leg down. Then back up. 3 times. I’m freaking out. My 11 y/o son is there the whole time. He’s laughing but it’s sooo loud. I shout at him to stop. I’m scared of the dog so I get him out to the enclosed porch. Called my sister and tried to explain. Long story short, my whole family is mad at me. I didn’t understand why at the time. I was well into a manic episode so I’m sure I sounded like a lunatic trying to explain to anyone who would listen. Ended up in the psych ward. Doc says it was a PTSD “emotional” flashback. Eventually I realized that the dog never tried to attack. He was licking my hand. It startled me and when I jumped back so did he. He knew something was wrong with me. My son saw the whole thing. It’s like my brain skipped time and repeated one part. Turns out it had happened before but I didn’t realize it. I left my husband of 11 years because I thought he pushed me into the wall. Actually my brain skipped him walking towards me. Suddenly he was right in front of me and it startled me so I fell back into the wall. I actually shoved him back really hard out of pure reflex. It started this whole chain of events. Now I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. What if I’m at the shop and it happens and I attack a stranger? Anyone else ever had something like this happen? What are your attacks like? Sorry so long. TL;DR PTSD flashbacks completely cause brain hops. I don’t even know how to describe it. 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But here goes. I was with this girl for three years and we had a house together, pets, you name it. Well we started fighting a lot and she had self harm issues. Our fights would start out small and next thing you know, we were screaming in the house, but that's not even the tip of the iceberg. She would lock herself in a room and try to cut herself in the middle of these fights, so I would break into the room to stop her (my mind immediately shifting to I'm not fighting with her anymore, I'm going to try and stop her and show her I love her), but she never let up. She would resort to brutally beating me in the face to get me away from her and say the most horrible things to me. She would tell me I was a loser, I was ugly, fat, and all sorts of things that I refuse to remember. I would try to leave and blow off the steam and she would force her way in front of me and threaten me that she was going to kill herself or that we're done if I leave. And we had the cops called on us three times, because we were so loud. I lied when they said was anyone hurt, as I sat there with a developing black eye and her sitting there with her cuts. I lied to my friends and said that I got my black eye from work. I remember one time specifically was at AWA, and all of my friends that were there, surrounded me and wouldn't leave me alone about my black eye, which wasn't the first one. I lied to them again and then I told them I had to pee, and went to the bathroom and cried really hard. Fast forward to the end, a couple of years ago. I had a concussion at work. I fell into a running compactor and hit my head, and my boss saved my life. I completely forgot the previous two months, including my sister getting engaged and everything. They wouldn't let me drive or watch movies or anything until I recovered. It was a nightmare. Well I started getting my memory back and she started a fight with me because my friend was coming to see me and she ""wanted to do her workout."" it escaladed very quickly to the same routine as before only this time I broke a statue that we got together and I threw the flowers I got her on the floor and the cops were called again and said one of us had to leave for the night. She kicked me out and broke up with me and never let me come back. I couldn't drive at the time she made me stay outside until my mom came and got me. I begged her not to do it, because I was in love with her despite everything and she treated me like a criminal and condemned me. She tried to turn all of my friends against me (which failed horribly for the most part) and told everyone that I was the one abusing her. I never touched her like that and I never said anything so horrible to her. I treated her like gold 95% of the time and I cared about her more than anything. I left her a long letter on the porch a week after all of this, explaining how much she meant to me and that I wanted a new start with her and she called the cops to tell me to leave her alone and told everyone that I was a psycho. It keeps coming back to haunt me every so often, how do I cope? ",3.8863567067791247,4.306903025796661,4.568463845855245,89.60548329039774,71.09408194233687,7.769079295620568,26.09948124360377,7.65591337171366,1.108772565903236,2470,71,558,27,43,792,257,659,0.18,0.74,0.08,-0.9971,1,2,0,0,7,0,59.0,9,2,4,6,23,32,9,0,42,0,40,10,7,4,8,114,84,58,1,13,10,2,2,3,4,9,2,7,4,2,27,61,1,5,5,2,0,14,11,16,2,8,41,17,126,16,79,29,11,85,0,5,8,2,87,28,0,9,44,408,153,4,0.0,0.06975199388574384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05218520453419622,0.0,0.0,0.12194430346828584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838378227975907,0.041163668415546285,0.0,0.14533637866604274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531083446875207,0.1358034937089831,0.0,0.143547801977116,0.0,0.05009451547295805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18034028941410535,0.06733224397646317,0.06002246534969249,0.0,0.0,0.15213533903928864,0.06172466818094334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513916132061816,0.06466655218147761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024502823632957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214184758829959,0.0,0.0,0.03888345348875897,0.0,0.04960099075240281,0.112506696927376,0.10581813708842323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007527319464985,0.0,0.0,0.181933012406448,0.0,0.09227232251105508,0.0,0.06691499843266993,0.0,0.1883366775922117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05273646359840733,0.0,0.06041818466849413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585745763733315,0.06302215827791141,0.0,0.0,0.0614455756410617,0.0,0.05232686382132375,0.06513155865669826,0.0,0.0323537233648683,0.0,0.0,0.31167714471279423,0.06396304199364464,0.1805974263972508,0.0415820216333547,0.08628355434686437,0.0,0.0,0.10419719636702376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050049649811017415,0.10626596818802048,0.05570475278981519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05944248934521972,0.06894849515186463,0.04698992396286157,0.0,0.043276639596436815,0.0,0.18161843839802733,0.05685755929446067,0.06260951459932272,0.05524603800093389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595688758706824,0.04477371809949025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375108586563998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059892529768101076,0.0,0.0,0.06881654104540977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037713991917877734,0.0,0.0,0.06320495597398976,0.1333777498388211,0.0,0.22399755719535192,0.04681623681491653,0.0,0.0,0.04691221894401367,0.0,0.0614148393217614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20834444738861915,0.06274819016378956,0.0,0.09843685811492936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291093866722796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733296409411388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716395017099467,0.0,0.0,0.16876004539106398,0.0,0.15987699924856305,0.06403427048086383,0.05750798855791823,0.0,0.14162808422940693,0.0,0.0,0.09714876441729972,0.06944676998411797,0.046728714932022096,0.04722241686622915,0.0,0.10586341744819064,0.05457360429470183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571694609356108,0.0,0.0,0.29273972605229176,0.0,0.0,0.07582142845457274 ptsd,TwentyOnePatrickWays,2019/02/23,Idk a title.. please read though Does anyone get severe flashbacks mixed with anxiety attacks to the point where you can’t breathe and nearly have to call 911? Ive nearly called on my own (im 13) because my parents don’t believe me!,9.012391304347826,6.5600193695652225,8.25826086956522,76.8204347826087,61.82608695652174,10.069565217391306,38.21739130434783,7.1686216300943375,2.8769043478260867,185,7,35,1,2,58,41,46,0.188,0.763,0.049,-0.68,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,6,5,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,20,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576229049429208,0.0,0.0,0.16979055874404358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762512144902741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802532452968206,0.0,0.0,0.2735833171089653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4959078346237186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124998874239338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12686729016799425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622952531197484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26963108251202506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665515570948281,0.2295503745132836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428931048835888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743258352778928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385766800745973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,delicatedolly,2019/02/23,"I can't stop having nightmares about my abuser (tw maybe?) I haven't seen him in three years, haven't heard from him in two. I try to ignore the feelings that he's left with me. I thought I was doing so much better. I have a man in my life who truly loves and cares about me. So why, laying in bed next to this lovely man, am I having nightmares about my abuser? The nightmares all start the same way: I try to call my boyfriend to tell him I love him. When the phone call is answered, my abuser's voice is on the other line. I feel like something is wrong but I don't know what, I don't know it's him yet. I try to tell my boyfriend I love him. My abuser asks if I really mean it, that he's been waiting for me to come back to him and say that. That's when I realize I'm not speaking to my boyfriend. I panic and try to hang up and get away from my abuser, but I feel like I can't get away from him. I feel dirty for telling him I love him, but it wasn't meant for him! How could I have called the wrong person? I feel like my boyfriend will hate me for telling my abuser I love him, and that he'll leave me, even though I know outside of this dream world he would never do that. The nightmare ends. I've had different variations of this dream over the past few months. I feel lost. I don't want to tell my boyfriend because what if he gets upset that I'm thinking about my abuser after so long (even though I know that's an irrational fear, and he'd never do that). Does anyone have nightmares like this? How do I move on if my subconscious won't?",2.510763052208837,3.312829975903618,3.311024096385541,95.96284136546188,74.5421686746988,6.256224899598394,21.664658634538153,5.985473137389443,-0.05297028112449853,1200,26,290,6,24,380,143,332,0.172,0.69,0.139,-0.9325,1,0,1,0,7,0,38.0,0,0,0,2,17,20,1,3,10,0,29,7,0,2,3,43,65,21,0,6,7,0,6,4,0,4,1,4,1,3,20,8,0,3,16,2,0,3,12,8,0,2,9,11,61,12,35,50,4,31,0,1,1,6,41,12,0,3,19,188,81,0,0.0,0.5770406380690002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048648091134910254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504274296690543,0.0,0.13073502044669874,0.053498477279369586,0.0,0.04241195465320454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061532969895341676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131299559152048,0.0,0.07093581492778336,0.0,0.0,0.059932250317682324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05554955756361018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726905189914788,0.0,0.0,0.060885092587165776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162233472029913,0.0,0.0,0.09190657012710693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078290628079823,0.21107367252439452,0.14911205814265371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090493760039211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686903907596842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294524938048093,0.0,0.0,0.07366932406311097,0.07559287147978598,0.0,0.049142509787326566,0.13596229804516835,0.0,0.0,0.061571221661948665,0.0,0.0,0.07594875901475479,0.0,0.376762084425732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989691234085901,0.07578700055348334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055533682768284326,0.07394665705215489,0.05114524502157843,0.0,0.10732024966499897,0.0,0.07399324427047482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163065664005333,0.0,0.0,0.06641670962400703,0.0,0.060749748616481386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04457119072481081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532841563521702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356183053740933,0.0,0.0,0.04924517203712661,0.0,0.0,0.05816737706983303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30405579214434697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044580514769489765,0.1367131383604154,0.05523436220497476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889460081959718,0.0,0.06796415324573918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04103682841270508,0.05522498042889951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278014275128592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04942371138699882,0.15213753450744052,0.0,0.044803681297316905 ptsd,SalauEsena,2019/02/23,"Married to ptsd When I come home and he's drinking to numb the pain. When I finally get him to smoke a bowl to back down from the dark edge. When he mellows enough pull me aside, ""I have something to tell you and I'm only going to say it once. If you ask me about it later I will deny it."" When he slings a heavy arm on my shoulder and says, through hopeless tears, ""I killed a lot of people. They made me do it."" And then clings to me and cries into my neck. It was over two decades ago when he experienced this. He told me he never saw armed combat. He told me he never fired his gun. And yet I learned not to come up to him quietly while he was asleep, lest he startle awake and try to choke me before realizing who I am. ... he tells me this, cries into my neck. Then pulls back and says, ""What am I doing here? What were we talking about? I can't remember but this doesn't feel right. I.. I need to go."" Wanders off but keeps coming back to me, like I am a port in the storm. His anchor. ""What am I supposed to be doing?"" he asks, as simply as my 6 year old son might. ""You're supposed to be sitting on the couch and resting."" I tell him, and wall away trying not to cry.",0.3092771084337365,2.150465020080325,2.0847614457831334,97.85572048192772,83.53815261044176,4.787212851405623,18.393734939759035,5.6839178017228535,-0.5376398072289152,886,21,214,5,25,291,143,249,0.081,0.872,0.047,-0.6498,0,0,3,1,0,1,46.0,1,2,1,0,12,6,1,1,8,0,17,9,6,1,2,32,33,23,1,2,5,1,2,1,0,2,2,4,2,0,12,16,1,1,4,1,0,7,6,5,0,1,7,8,36,1,32,22,3,39,0,1,1,0,34,12,0,3,20,139,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505059513051462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215788162649836,0.0,0.11134259470613536,0.2733770608407467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084196680230703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30625362205847384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39052791987724267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609316944124698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224509135130593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992143572221813,0.0,0.0,0.1298202200076832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191577657807371,0.0,0.13470217222015726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887364313941025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533576010306464,0.13111204717384284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789724511011931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007516506958577,0.0,0.112135565710654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571874321544432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787251790452258,0.182802052906444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435468844879485,0.12620763707449414,0.0,0.09013102036373556,0.12610135178422865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215884121922161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853004230167534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424697788197398,0.1012055732088244,0.0,0.2827280404327253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123359860071928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952526072572358,0.3107448399099783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22647981499515896,0.0,0.16091892394267376,0.0,0.1157655407637502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076315559686838 ptsd,spaceinvader670,2019/07/15,"How do you manage self esteem? Hi everyone, I’m new here so I hope this is relevant to this group. I have ptsd from an alcoholic parent and I constantly struggle with self esteem due to my lack of control over my ptsd sometimes. How do you guys cope? I constantly feel like a burden for reaching out and I feel even crazier when I hold it all in. When I can’t control my ptsd I feel guilty for how it effects my loved ones and angry that I’m like this in the first place. I ultimately end up feeling damaged and too broken to be loved. I know I’m just being hard on myself but I thought you guys would understand more than most other people. Thanks.",1.2390909090909121,3.643699878787882,2.770787878787882,90.87118181818184,84.30303030303031,5.6412121212121225,21.67878787878788,7.0316486544052195,0.6917387878787875,512,17,105,7,15,167,87,132,0.11699999999999999,0.747,0.136,0.6679999999999999,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,0,4,10,9,0,1,3,0,8,3,0,6,1,27,22,11,0,3,2,1,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,7,6,1,3,8,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,5,19,6,15,18,4,15,0,1,0,2,12,7,0,2,10,73,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447430427058625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29272276818757603,0.3038125870892406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995870495598135,0.0,0.0,0.08945614588797837,0.0,0.0,0.12941771615810171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27392800052401045,0.09675760944633303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520429751889155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268211698672847,0.0,0.0,0.12132669189579635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452143244590334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07443370219632535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233725458770135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444778716968392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080777715770714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177693439186893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503889204226586,0.0,0.0,0.0938963111835379,0.0,0.1415048709266697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749626370284151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28258471576566674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339525798755594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14159019237342066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469398385826007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10752339373788354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099671836719954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962119406707508,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,De_Love,2019/07/15,"Any advice on dealing with cosntant everyday triggers? I live in an environment with people who don't understand PTSD, and even tease me for having it. My main triggers happen around me every day, and its led to years of isolation. I'm at the lowest I've been in months and I need a way out, I tend to wear military grade ear muffs to block out sound as that's a big part of ptsd for me. I take my meds but they don't do anything for me, at this point I've tried all sorts of meds but I continue to try new ones every month. Anyone with similar experience to constant unstoppable triggers and how to deal with them/make them a little less awful to deal with? Appreciate any responses.",3.465374917053752,5.128385875912411,4.684790975447914,83.65786994027873,73.45255474452554,8.193497013934971,25.593231585932315,8.841846274778883,1.863458394160584,543,18,109,11,11,179,91,137,0.09300000000000001,0.88,0.027000000000000003,-0.6811,1,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,3,1,1,0,5,1,5,2,2,5,1,24,11,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,12,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,1,2,13,0,27,10,4,21,0,0,0,0,7,11,0,1,8,68,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617919526462375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20345485637975969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045979356688724,0.0,0.12310115344592175,0.13316825297387475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165539285688804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647421653009366,0.4626671608076136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880385114230417,0.0,0.252074775622901,0.0,0.0,0.14632930424573162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228337146797828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993009776238725,0.13209213704729136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3323251233965841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388052004566401,0.0,0.0,0.11092028735368842,0.0,0.14447651432166872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136715005927646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16199314188617306,0.0,0.10370799078027892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414124288400595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497291864543148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247427787766773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312577481575786,0.0,0.0,0.15573014726736953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873886139124508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633209576649633 ptsd,Mortar_Maggot,2019/07/15,"Never Give Up I just wanted to share a short story about yesterday. It was a great day, I had actually been pretty stress free. I got some cleaning done with my partner and we were on to getting dinner ready. Then it happened,out of nowhere. I feel like I can't breathe. My brain has decided it's over a decade ago and I'm laying in the back of my humvee right after getting hit by an IED. My service dog jumps on me in the super happy way she has because she's about to get the good treats. But that's not the worst part. The worst part was the emotional numbness I felt for the rest of the night. Anger would have been super easy. But love and happiness? They were nowhere to be found. The only way I can describe this feeling is that being so close to death, (or having your brain convinced you were just there), makes everything that you think matters in the world fall away. This bleakness is the worst part. But just like it always does, it passed. I've had PTSD for a long time now and this is the biggest thing I've learned. The darkest parts are always temporary.",2.4738785046728964,4.596246434579439,2.864308411214953,93.5847803738318,77.64485981308411,5.588411214953271,22.84953271028037,6.508806274219699,0.4181521495327103,843,26,177,7,20,259,137,214,0.08199999999999999,0.6859999999999999,0.23199999999999998,0.9883,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,3,1,2,9,19,1,1,18,0,23,6,3,1,1,28,38,10,1,2,8,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,1,1,12,7,1,0,7,0,1,3,3,6,0,0,13,3,19,14,23,21,9,29,0,0,0,1,11,13,0,2,13,122,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.1233504797048862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120480746366808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035379603547028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187591878596684,0.09719562044994942,0.0,0.07705371174373564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2822136981788047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151907187147678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106155661077897,0.12935351083830274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14218565335491964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11360230000275873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278256728350488,0.09030187863766267,0.12136609807904995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385936747983276,0.0,0.0,0.19812006433439625,0.1212566715528502,0.0,0.10602031113353656,0.10109552264880116,0.13935905955543498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26911534736984233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12350762664975053,0.0,0.0,0.11186212011313128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408307432299175,0.0,0.08437456374213917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748930047636643,0.0,0.0,0.1186200618463263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613469856357362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5475257970915374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285966531229804,0.0,0.0,0.1477576067032856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794693363194913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479348817208193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397611823446535,0.08099353501916624,0.0,0.0,0.07370623865466096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455539300758922,0.2006646360827581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979261723867868,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pet0113,2019/07/15,"How do you deal with trauma in the news/social media? I saw a hashtag trending on Twitter this morning (for the sake of everyone’s sanity I will not be stating what it was), and clicked on it. I suddenly was reading of a graphic murder of a young girl and people were posting images of the body after she was killed. I saw these pictures without any warning; they were just...there. Now I can’t get what I saw out of my head and can’t stop thinking about it and feeling uneasy. Locking doors and windows and such. But the pictures are what is getting to me. As a trauma survivor, I felt like I was plunged right back in that mindset of when it was happening. Now I am just depressed, disgusted and scared. How do you guys deal with this? Exposure to violence like this in the news? I know this doesn’t make much sense but I needed to talk about this. Thanks for listening.",3.443322259136213,5.173592302325583,4.157242524916942,87.13941860465117,73.65116279069767,6.774750830564784,29.14617940199336,7.447530270364453,1.7184156146179403,684,29,134,8,14,218,106,172,0.131,0.795,0.07400000000000001,-0.8229,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,1,0,10,10,3,1,9,0,17,2,2,3,0,25,31,13,2,1,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,2,2,14,10,0,1,4,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,11,7,17,3,24,18,1,17,0,1,4,0,10,7,0,0,10,100,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612121756256804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539169647157042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22234170876185566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4127291814736885,0.17240454885643391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19126926150765772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012110395737671,0.0,0.1921928308007992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20915921115556246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19819795564232875,0.1770080489392931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054302877745268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221456419312548,0.0,0.11000718968784573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558411094210887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361380574847215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14714663432856304,0.14842215944741674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877140341766284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917057723146672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20022233526586847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17094252084694442,0.0,0.0,0.20040325470309706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734955047991693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16088759033258554,0.0,0.18428795465592174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825967892416135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929549698904172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lesbianetc,2019/07/15,"One phone call took everything out of me today My therapist started working out of state so we cannot see each other anymore. Today I had to call a new therapist and schedule an appointment. The moment I hung up, I just felt dead. I’m laying in bed, trying not to cry. Therapist “break ups” are so hard. I’ve never had one before. He was my first therapist and he really really understood me and helped me. I wasn’t sad after our last session, but now I’m so empty and so tired.",1.5802061855670075,3.8197266597938175,4.007432989690724,83.60805670103095,81.37113402061857,7.591340206185567,22.07113402061856,8.548686976883017,1.6858090721649484,374,12,73,9,10,130,67,97,0.14,0.8420000000000001,0.018000000000000002,-0.8932,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,3,0,6,1,0,0,1,14,13,9,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,3,7,3,11,0,10,6,1,19,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,0,11,48,12,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573880919813492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250469693347962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30011278250433565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142198983817685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320727151329004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109881664364862,0.0,0.0,0.12499893636027153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164185508442516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850012049918347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978706526295226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333992894517278,0.14192901970244262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19915957005872675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882848989084804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11710325468435805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401474683488464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6824993490251212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890192281137098,0.2785902823571502,0.0,0.16327122150334064,0.09977207102225803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698421003213447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lindaarmani,2019/07/15,"Should I reach out? Hi, throwaway account. I've been dating a guy for a few months (but have known him for years) who has some military PTSD and he is having a hard time right now. Says he gets very depressed around anniversaries and just needs some time to get his head back on track. I haven't talked to him a few days. We usually talk every day. I want very badly to reach out to him but I'm not sure if I should. I don't want to be a burden but I also feel like I'm abandoning him. What can I do/say to let him know I'm there for him or should I just give him space? Thanks so much.",0.1252644230769242,1.957461718750004,1.6171875,101.00521634615384,84.15625,5.18846153846154,15.314903846153848,6.297961479604792,-0.8526293269230769,452,7,115,4,13,145,81,128,0.127,0.777,0.096,-0.7137,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,5,0,13,1,1,0,1,27,25,9,0,7,8,0,2,1,0,3,0,1,0,1,2,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,1,3,17,3,13,19,5,16,0,2,0,0,18,6,0,4,11,70,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14406860380318184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037471507360215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852683950083866,0.15042055867388618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23236807035379686,0.0,0.15516585395744198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178700409059165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109096882624368,0.12870162040999875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824542523552226,0.1728195509308704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838018337596473,0.0,0.0,0.16138205496524322,0.0,0.184889356125988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900759372414833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421905075879225,0.0,0.08801384823120595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379672003672514,0.0,0.13243347303769742,0.1335814586658256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058967651072524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385001382383248,0.0,0.28653041889440906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16979244147421066,0.0,0.0,0.28960094743090764,0.0,0.16586104048837172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100977851688798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984135112104503,0.2972908338789637,0.21251827836013645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11601287894064112 ptsd,zeelizardglue,2019/07/15,"Why does it hurt so much I've been in therapy for 7 months now. It's been all superficial stuff until the last few sessions where I fully opened up about the depth of my trauma. I was prepared for the emotional toll it would take on me but didn't expect actual physical pain to occur. Migraines, sleeplessness, pain between my shoulder blades, loss of appetite, stomach pains...I wasn't prepared for this side of it. I'm gonna talk to my therapist today but was wondering if this is something common when working through trauma.",5.6832571428571415,7.058654640000004,5.911428571428568,78.12500000000001,67.6,8.914285714285715,32.285714285714285,9.23628265651192,2.976371428571428,424,18,74,8,7,135,75,100,0.213,0.74,0.047,-0.9636,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,3,0,8,5,2,0,1,8,12,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,6,0,6,0,15,4,3,14,0,2,0,0,1,7,0,2,7,49,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.2171565413661999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473693020652544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503155625200595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382222672603648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18139111751456055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776208008532837,0.0,0.16358467380013886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4735738270719717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131396228337029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547428613898612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673143740071395,0.17886065898238204,0.0,0.0,0.2544817006753477,0.258373722051849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093180025126448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007981224601104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413235831753675,0.16200401413576682,0.0,0.0,0.1580784626571507,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,inthesky9,2019/07/15,their smug indifference when they see the hurt they caused you i will never understand that.,4.942499999999999,8.430078250000005,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,79.0,8.200000000000001,20.5,8.841846274778883,1.8457250000000005,76,2,13,2,2,22,15,16,0.25,0.652,0.098,-0.4215,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,2,10,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834619702983294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5038142710560118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36297535522479796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750275464492003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4899376842612549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ZoeySpark,2019/07/15,"I am an asshole and I can’t do anything right That’s the PTSD talking tonight. I made the mistake of looking back at something I really wanted but had to give up because of my body’s response to stress. It’s not fair. I tried. I fucking made plans and waited a month and prepared my life and my body still betrayed me. Why do I torture myself by looking back and missing it, when my body said enough “nope you fucking broken piece of shit you aren’t allowed to be happy” already? I’m not making sense. But my brain doesn’t seem to want to do that anymore.",1.4163157894736855,3.6757519473684224,2.6062280701754372,93.29776315789472,82.15789473684211,4.150877192982456,26.16666666666667,4.7782277997778095,0.491908771929825,438,19,89,1,12,140,75,114,0.20800000000000002,0.693,0.099,-0.9422,2,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,4,8,4,1,4,0,9,8,5,4,0,18,24,8,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,3,16,1,11,19,2,9,0,1,2,2,5,3,3,1,6,60,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705137332759476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012808439203362,0.0,0.0,0.12457267680407785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232803443789486,0.0,0.09227972087457027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.504446494186722,0.0,0.1689899208329672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564157995188294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798963711450929,0.0,0.14521729780247938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114661173587805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692402939999117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254241811635965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864784534785455,0.10104719182033743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082991191746467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17695488504202056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697777602480784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927752186619185,0.14399685519300318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137810484269923,0.0,0.0,0.1553891890630472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653956559980692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089210363015875,0.0,0.17340504916119615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167334887872945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027769472030873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785754560225596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659672365788053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Nnudmac,2019/07/15,"[NSFW] (Possible triggers) Can't sleep again due to the nightmares. I average around 4 nightmares a night, 3-5 days a week. The other days I dont remember any dreams, just floating blackness. Anyways, I've witnessed a lot of death, comes with the job. It is what it is. Well there are a few scenes I cannot stop dreaming about. Except the people who were killed, murdered or tortured are replaced by my wife, friends and family. Over and over and over again I watch everyone close to me die. It's extremely vivid as if I'm witnessing it one the first day I saw it. I've watched my wife beheaded and her face skinned and the men and woman dance around with her face on their own as if they were wearing a mask. Just like what I saw. I've watched my friends dunked into pools of water trapped in cages and drown. Members of my family stoned, or executed in various ways. The worst part is it all feels real and it's a mind-fuck waking up and sorting it all out. I've woken up in tears within the past year and half more times than not. We had a psychologist embedded in my unit but he couldn't alter medical records but he informed me of my PTSD. My appt is 30 Jul to have PTSD finally put in my medical records. It's been too long to put this off and delay treatment. I wish I did this earlier. If you think you're showing signs, seek help sooner rather than later. Don't tough through it like I did, because ""its normal"" for you.",2.8866666666666667,4.5996765555555585,3.7580555555555577,89.4925,75.1111111111111,7.161111111111111,26.583333333333336,7.937092434478242,1.4741083333333331,1120,42,237,17,24,358,177,288,0.087,0.8390000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.4078,1,1,0,0,0,0,38.0,1,2,2,1,12,10,3,0,15,0,18,9,6,1,2,48,26,20,5,7,12,2,2,2,2,0,2,0,0,2,17,20,1,2,4,5,0,4,6,5,1,3,9,9,26,5,36,16,9,40,0,0,7,0,18,18,0,7,19,152,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126614841076544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389474256014879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181204634533781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560844296526995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596594739585812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392868774018643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572909595379146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824164461467272,0.0,0.0,0.2530390108934142,0.0,0.06785967627935326,0.0,0.0,0.14701847507584545,0.0,0.11415738910468975,0.0,0.0,0.2073777771270376,0.12407327780682804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899568981153184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318088637172062,0.0,0.14848144024428458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13113465200842248,0.0,0.0,0.11876999495390643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409897507339455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27040119591766026,0.0,0.0,0.1355119793187395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259452630852329,0.1314954979877712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094291997648883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145334354676829,0.1281168710637002,0.09304303712729503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15129953097112506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31376430528586874,0.26983253104787497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15275826366188344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203167865976872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430507972681238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220402802784654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599516740605913,0.0,0.0,0.07825785515447135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652818751724584,0.10765368759361954,0.0,0.12066925017671695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433275625719864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642565240649387 ptsd,ParodyOfEssence,2019/07/15,"Dealing with personality issues I did a lot of EMDR to reprocess my trauma. That went better than expected and now it’s incredibly manageable. Almost never get flashbacks and I can cope with intrusive thoughts. The next thing I’m dealing with are my personality issues. PTSD can sometimes resemble borderline personality disorder and I’m looking for resources for coping with that so I can get on with people better. Has anyone done CBT for this? What was the most helpful? What insights do you have to share? Thanks a lot!",3.969193548387096,7.2517692795698965,5.3228225806451634,70.70423387096777,82.01075268817205,7.831182795698925,29.255376344086017,8.59863814320734,3.2835956989247315,425,20,63,11,12,141,65,93,0.055999999999999994,0.7929999999999999,0.151,0.8528,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,2,2,5,0,0,4,0,10,0,0,0,1,16,18,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,1,6,4,13,13,3,5,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,4,3,49,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945599119403182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832717065931192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993343442721632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34893037958641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19394834015639947,0.0,0.0,0.17317756195905434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768278237121866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342902017612196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35325719961312524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210771985885248,0.0,0.0,0.28774080069065977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051798334793718,0.0,0.1799744047129873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732041407241955,0.44328640884087706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19781683484235893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736943058764947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558011133152533,0.0,0.0,0.11242663089994576,0.0,0.0,0.13434701445451389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568747499295792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sailorscoutfromhell,2019/07/15,"Tw: medical, death How do you get over the feeling that you're not a person? That you're just a cadaver with a heartbeat and have no place in the real world? I've gotten better at getting past it, but maybe it never really goes away. I lost someone I care about a few years ago, and between that, an abusive relationship in the past, and the looming return to surgeries and even more pain and violation on the horizon, I'm uh. Not having the best night. I think writing this helped me through the spell, so if it gets deleted that's fine. But I tell my psychiatrist these feelings and she seems to think I'm being dramatic. Idk, this post is a mess but maybe one of you will feel better knowing we're all a mess",4.959199689199687,5.363049426573428,5.624848484848485,83.03505050505049,68.72027972027972,8.313597513597513,29.87490287490288,8.167268648758528,1.9359578865578868,560,20,114,7,9,182,99,143,0.233,0.6829999999999999,0.084,-0.9776,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,4,5,10,1,0,14,0,6,2,0,1,2,26,21,12,1,1,7,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,10,7,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,5,1,1,2,3,9,5,13,17,4,16,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,2,7,75,19,0,0.0,0.1941564824581218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525886909145408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539591410084581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17196908897069235,0.28985540848707875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707408765762366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10823310036939914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485693672615091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25684240075392906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983709556410046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005742736523913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788810015651059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292543511714847,0.0,0.0,0.16507951373880014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638490738579852,0.0,0.0,0.15377877836122114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104102521999892,0.0,0.17436683465070565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31286061003032545,0.0,0.14308299461790333,0.17120691648111006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694000287358215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865173694909696,0.10497787378269853,0.0,0.0,0.17593263277794888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917904097862306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13884460891445766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322763225107069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20999966913758453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552545542858502 ptsd,DNAMellieCase,2019/07/15,"Having PTSD and Guilt for Receiving Benefits Hello, My name is Melanie and I suffer from severe PTSD, Asperger's, epilepsy (Petit Mal seizures), mild motor coordination disorder, moderate panic disorder, severe generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), moderate OCD and depression, osteoarthritis (and possibly rheumatoid arthritis), and degenerative disc disease. I am at University studying Pre-Health, but it is very hard to gain employment with my PTSD and other illnesses. I used to live with my abusive aunt who would say that ""My tax dollars should not go towards you."" I did get a position as a volunteer at a food pantry on campus, but I still feel guilty of ""taking up space."" I really want to have a part time job while living on campus, but I'm petrified to apply because I'll never make it through the interview process. My PTSD makes any social interaction a nightmare... I'm just ashamed that I never have the courage to look for employment. Any advice?",8.689216867469879,9.655416596385546,8.726168674698798,62.066722891566286,60.74698795180722,12.664096385542171,40.69638554216868,12.161744961471696,5.7140139759036135,769,40,113,25,10,251,117,166,0.254,0.6990000000000001,0.047,-0.9875,3,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,0,1,2,7,0,3,7,0,9,2,0,3,2,24,20,11,0,3,5,1,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,8,1,0,1,0,2,2,3,5,0,0,1,4,13,2,19,17,1,14,0,2,1,0,10,7,0,0,5,70,19,7,0.0,0.1440666472619319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881830350414713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537347076621406,0.0,0.09301755373043924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07412135983717581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472701879545952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4180649281151137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148057295504674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147029539387237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352680594342283,0.0,0.06910354054912894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892255655829043,0.0,0.0,0.12924661919228933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066130653331192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147359424408425,0.0,0.10210666345393074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16232721977197326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18755850580996256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426620235741757,0.0,0.13167229620725482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707672010756106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5685382047036567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789495421983521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669484554654643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747287197494271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394774027622232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710353509655513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142205811905076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07090127800379498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501645548055584,0.0,0.10032614120081927,0.07171811698437552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637547423029864,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,picholasnicholas,2019/07/15,"Triggers unrelated to traumatic event As a child, I had a horrible experience with a broken glass window and nearly lost an arm. To this day, I can’t bear to be around any kind of broken glass, but it’s significantly worse around sharp knives. Because of this, I had friends in the past who would hold up knives because it made me panic so badly. I was wondering if it’s common for a trigger(knives) to be something unrelated to the traumatic event(broken glass) experienced?",10.125689655172415,8.656138091954027,9.84652298850575,63.207025862068996,58.88505747126436,13.297701149425285,40.14080459770115,12.161744961471696,4.92792183908046,382,16,65,10,4,125,61,87,0.29600000000000004,0.662,0.042,-0.9759,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,7,0,7,1,1,2,0,11,10,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,2,5,2,15,2,0,9,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,2,4,44,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712580170378605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43755851171641996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520003965304548,0.2996270593770138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849541336326195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404012636511145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898742187624578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559221007653646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682769930435761,0.0,0.0,0.2325448532384579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28834739879438503,0.0,0.0,0.2346065344177036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919870482273685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665171523173254,0.0,0.0,0.2504512963999112,0.17458145265259284,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CheckznStripes,2019/07/15,"Ptsd with mean step mom My step mom yells at me for most things I do wrong or things I do that she just doesnt like. Leaving my windows open with A.c. on (not noticing the a.c. was on because nobody told me) Borrowing things and not putting it back right after Leaving my stuff downstairs Not cleaning the dishes the way she does Ect ect... It makes me very sad and I often try to explain to myself why she is doing this but it does nothing to fix the problem. (Just to be clear by yelling I mean saying negative things about me and my personality very loudly). I have ptsd and we have talked about it plenty of times. She can see when she triggers it because her insults get louder and harsher in attempts to break me out of my dissisociation. The mistakes I make are subtle ones that I struggle to notice (clearly) and talking to her won't work. Any tips?",2.7160714285714285,4.970762035714291,3.325238095238096,89.92392857142859,77.45238095238095,5.152380952380953,25.380952380952376,5.985473137389443,0.6826238095238093,674,25,133,4,16,211,106,168,0.159,0.823,0.019,-0.9759,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,1,0,0,2,7,7,1,1,5,0,12,1,0,3,2,30,20,9,0,2,7,2,0,1,0,1,0,4,2,1,13,11,1,0,3,0,1,3,6,6,0,1,2,5,26,1,21,16,1,16,0,1,1,0,17,7,0,3,5,96,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854273251375411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011832747446092,0.0,0.15874148875781066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278836313834824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802586847866789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2757330633115784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361077254957538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738234740237138,0.0,0.0,0.2836592039843645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30498514410586386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493361132583568,0.2964747192603784,0.0,0.0,0.0882291493364715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368852975412636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458700704106927,0.30440146142963065,0.13089031385739436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119293648413564,0.0,0.1035429177971365,0.0,0.0,0.10375520033796498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361167956880573,0.14905166744945286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20930501696478984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460052404217818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759226115783487,0.0,0.0,0.12441486612468355,0.0,0.08839951754501314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148627743814905,0.0,0.1033493466828708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748825780674095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094789578434883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423569069212255,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sjcat,2019/08/21,"Weather as a trigger? How do you cope? Long story short my dad was crazy and an extreme instance of abuse occurred one fall afternoon. Everytime it starts becoming more fall like (short days, dusty air, warm in thre afternoon cool in the evenings) I get triggered. A lot. It's been close to 30 years, I've been in countless therapy and hospitals to deal with everything but this one trigger just never goes away. Fall is otherwise my favorite season and I hate that I have to stay inside with the a.c cranked and the shades drawn so I don't risk smelling the fall air or seeing that particular yellow/ gold sunshine through the trees. Does anyone else have an entire season or weather pattern that sets you off? How do you cope?",3.2593627450980382,6.098196602941179,3.2165882352941177,88.14998039215689,79.29411764705881,6.273725490196076,28.184313725490192,7.554174236665415,1.852343725490196,582,26,106,9,15,176,95,136,0.065,0.818,0.11699999999999999,0.7606,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,3,0,0,5,6,1,1,9,1,9,0,0,5,1,18,13,11,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,2,3,6,9,4,13,10,2,25,0,0,3,0,5,10,0,3,10,63,15,0,0.0,0.2743594426891096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191137337275194,0.23725946691059185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21755721771012976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25573862262657016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933634008702715,0.23872706773735944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026387619480716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934377557028636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294247568719604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081102166450994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097997285081664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286164831127444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131279865758768,0.0,0.0,0.2049223479679422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686310403439733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859250598115642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31382061942286554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452247065326774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389858780680644,0.2468109873860703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648077933066041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911634561130752 ptsd,Slacker8206,2019/08/21,"How to support S/O with PTSD My girlfriend has been diagnosed with PTSD from childhood trauma. How can I be there for her effectively, is there anyway to ease her panic attacks or flashbacks? Please give me advice on how I can help her or atleast make it better for her.",4.544038461538463,6.23417378846154,4.6838461538461535,84.63615384615386,70.73076923076924,6.7384615384615385,28.384615384615394,7.1686216300943375,1.5228307692307697,215,8,40,2,4,67,39,52,0.138,0.615,0.24600000000000002,0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,1,0,0,6,1,0,5,0,9,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,8,2,8,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,1,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25054779633213553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29168815437362683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22676196249426786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602371583699588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459589879520161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185724064828806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114672571120584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3008261738524598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814464793498461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5994278243257276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909558304832468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cruoreye,2019/08/21,"Triggers I can't get mental help. My insurance won't allow it. Fuck it, hello Reddit! I still live where it ALL happened and I can't move. I'm safe though. How do I get over the triggers? Every square inch of these walls is littered with the remnants of violence, from the holes in the walls I can't fix. Cracked sink. Etcetera So.... What should I do? I've tried changing things up, but it's a small space and there's not much I can do. I find myself sitting somewhere and reliving something violent or painful all over again. Please me!!! Much thanks in advance to any kind people offering advice",0.8914328808446434,3.4698486410256457,1.7180492709904485,95.00325791855205,92.50427350427348,4.462342885872298,22.26696832579185,6.2272716619740125,0.4708576168929111,469,18,94,5,17,145,84,117,0.14800000000000002,0.742,0.11,-0.56,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,5,0,10,2,0,4,2,16,16,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,0,1,11,3,10,14,4,16,0,0,1,1,3,11,1,1,2,60,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21745461551716164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132863978717928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23540818079820736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18749187706028586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033892069160716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205726226989868,0.2325264164536433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678333588996394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915776844220652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317316835909168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19649885760049987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22425880274635135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365151246593906,0.3271716257161402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23678856230909906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427490362331034,0.0,0.0,0.2442720983845658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131515516118054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771346052791945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487655052323706,0.0,0.0,0.14783963885497484,0.0,0.2186354748875554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108387067060194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,The_Flo0r_is_Lava,2019/08/21,"Im in a low spot. The last week the nightmares are really getting to me. I have been missing work and this morning i laid in bed for three hours after i woke up before finally calling in sick again. I take my medication, i see the doctor every two weeks, the down spots keep happening. Im ready to call it.",1.68809523809524,3.6874612222222254,3.676428571428573,87.40607142857145,79.63492063492063,6.73968253968254,23.198412698412696,7.793537801064563,1.1609174603174597,239,8,50,4,6,81,50,63,0.124,0.835,0.040999999999999995,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,10,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,7,0,9,8,0,13,0,2,1,0,2,6,0,0,7,30,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786692612794722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4288063072285569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491350048371288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690903470751615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300122016995475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970081617345244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567604391535744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206778451387666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536079127654881,0.0,0.0,0.18663125126091548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711538198424142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21152298846497225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451235154684096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673191451114527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578715353775003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051104743963074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33685102082183044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286088000927175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Spacwti,2019/08/21,Alerts I physically feel an alarm sound when I feel like I’m getting closer to the source of understanding my problem.,10.33681818181818,8.779117227272728,9.61727272727273,65.29590909090909,58.54545454545455,12.436363636363636,40.18181818181819,11.20814326018867,4.393854545454547,97,4,17,2,1,31,19,22,0.21600000000000005,0.6779999999999999,0.106,-0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,1,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5028716109394442,0.3552514152613048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598042414631089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24294211717866196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758224126254899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5176779793730791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DefNotBradMarchand,2019/08/21,"Managing Anger & Stress in the Workplace My current job is incredibly triggering for me. While I'm looking for a new one, I was hoping others had techniques or exercises to help manage triggers, anger and stress in the workplace. I've been using the PTSD Coach app recently but it's not helpful for me at work. I can't listen to music, I can't get up and walk around and I can't do anything that will draw attention to me or have me leave my work. I work at a desk/computer all day. My employer is not someone I can talk to about this so I'm on my own with this. Most exercises for PTSD aren't practical while I'm at work. Pretty much the only thing I can really do here to help right now is take CBD:THC edibles and occasionally hit my vape on break if it's particularly bad.",2.8124319159101785,4.343503000000002,4.851180124223603,82.34039178213091,74.90062111801242,8.43210702341137,26.04921165790731,9.057496981413335,2.010241853798376,617,22,130,14,13,213,100,161,0.113,0.813,0.073,-0.6584,3,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,4,5,6,2,2,6,0,16,2,0,3,1,19,26,11,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,1,3,0,1,6,5,0,1,3,2,16,1,20,21,4,19,0,0,1,0,5,10,0,5,7,85,23,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165535317775946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13037174356258496,0.1410334252880439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322797463040435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10217216870667224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277145528703128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3185703994312949,0.0,0.0,0.15735354235488558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572141364621973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16775108816293502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13303859690524858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646191431564774,0.0,0.0,0.15300957422982406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735408827020924,0.12049070744682153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611769937556398,0.0,0.0,0.3703848626633961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149225393190056,0.0,0.1564273354513884,0.0,0.0,0.13529560704273086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423449911160246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36295468928963176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911722435075205,0.12733744706607592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525171499879857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368298739425493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4613463394773026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nothingspecialxx,2019/08/21,"After clinic I think I don't have PTSD, but that doesn't help in any way I was officially diagnosed with PTSD about three years ago. I was hospitalized for it. My therapist told me I have this Disorder for many years, and that's why I struggle. (Is it even possible that I kinda have that since I was a toddler? Because I had the symptoms since I can think.) So first I really thought: wow, now I know why I'm such a fuck up and now I can do the real therapy and be normal for once normal. Boy, I was wrong. The time in the clinic were the worst. The clinic is specifically for PTSD sufferers. And yeah, I like to talk,and I talked to many people. Most people didn't say anything about their trauma and what they suffer from and I think that's the right thing to do in such a setting, I think it was even the rule. But you know how it is, some people told me the worst you can imagine. Told me what happened to them. How they suffer. How they hallucinate. Basically told me their life is an ongoing terror. All I was answering was like: oh I'm so sorry. I didn't have it so bad. (Before I went to this clinic I was in a general hospital, there they told me to NEVER talk about my trauma until I'm in the PTSD clinic.) When I finally had my trauma therapy session. I told her everything but I didn't feel it. It was like I don't care. I apologized and said I am wrong here. I still am sure I do not have PTSD. A new therapist even told me laughing in my face I don't have it. I don't have vivid flashbacks. All I have is this mental void I get suck in. In this dark hole, where I can't get out. And nightmares. It really gave me a form of relief when I first heard my diagnosis, like I know what I have to deal with now. But now I'm... just existing. I don't have something to fight, just myself. I am really open about not having PTSD, I don't get mad if you tell me you don't think I have this, actually I feel like an imposter and I am angry at myself that I post here and take the support away from real PTSD survivors.",0.5917751633986903,2.6627720258823544,2.808627450980392,91.74771241830068,84.03529411764707,6.224836601307191,18.8562091503268,7.471455274886353,0.3925581699346408,1561,40,353,26,45,530,171,425,0.198,0.7070000000000001,0.095,-0.9946,0,0,1,0,1,0,56.0,0,4,7,2,28,28,4,2,19,1,52,10,1,3,4,51,87,24,0,3,9,0,2,5,0,0,8,3,0,1,24,14,0,0,13,0,0,1,15,17,0,3,27,6,72,11,35,59,7,37,0,3,1,1,31,15,2,4,23,254,96,1,0.0,0.0,0.06479861436340532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886122207157276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0451555261979989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05464305407441922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062386711706683584,0.0,0.05544276031540856,0.040477943535338665,0.0,0.05650307258812084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770109830491147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845737828545098,0.0,0.06739646684012465,0.0,0.0,0.07610225802442039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157336132763886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059677689509488326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714952791102148,0.0948749712872198,0.0,0.07273996677276359,0.0,0.11296273731660895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138742835144074,0.10407665764391068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058718925192253676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0445077516721176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947813922472023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04690158123155341,0.16220291743826115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464208114069118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691743384983935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121319026273699,0.06413130798185944,0.0,0.0,0.13011940369350172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707157893179074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13810401908164796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485809419460178,0.0635946047138726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5433413586435087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15115965550993607,0.12761615135736631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670680601213503,0.06316335288542195,0.05280540598269375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10985657154158532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111937824772758,0.0,0.07433142015922313,0.0,0.0,0.053028592828767214,0.0,0.0,0.06941761745070334,0.0,0.0,0.07535201776691677,0.06258294556950728,0.06901693348589545,0.04992591763772998,0.1601138440491097,0.05803813234569522,0.0,0.1518725752478949,0.15419530143135116,0.044114429990297785,0.2127380799082544,0.0,0.052715641446496805,0.038719445162979,0.0,0.0,0.4441486061082071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270668748515877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155516818050655,0.1198346595532373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14519996971968174,0.0,0.08552121195815128 ptsd,BitterBase,2019/08/21,"Still feel like I don't deserve to say I have PTSD Basically like the title says - I know that isn't reasonable but it's how I feel. I got PTSD from my sister. In the middle of the day a few years ago while I was apart of a USDA program, she accused me of stealing from her and yelled at my on the phone for over 4 hours. I would hang up, she would call, yell, hang up again and do this for 4 hours. To the point where I couldn't function right for the day and was visibly shaking by the time it was over and crying in my work restroom. I later got into care for 'reasons' and got officially diagnosed with PTSD AT 18. I can't listen to a certain android ringtone without feeling suicidal and miserable. It's been years but I still feel like I will absolutely end myself if I hear it because I'm afraid I'm going to hear her again. Due to that incident I still haven't relearned how to properly talk to people on the phone or answer calls without anxiety. But it still feels SO FUCKIN STUPID. Like out of everything, a ringtone? This is what does it? I've been yelled at before - I'm learning still that some of the things I went through weren't ok - something as recent as 6 months ago! And it makes me emotional. So I just don't understand why this , out of everything I've been through, that has cause me this much grief to where I go out in public and hear it I'll have to turn around and hope the call isn't for me. It feels insulting to say ""I have PTSD because I'm too much of a coward to answer a phone."" or ""Yeah my mood change because your ring tone reminds me of when my sis yelled at me."" to other people who went through worse and in sense myself for still not getting over it. I know I have a lot of issues and just need to reach out to a therapist for all my mumbo jumbo issues but it's just....man it just seems like I'm just a baby whining.",3.6352534287418017,4.211482739018088,4.637222222222224,88.3271153846154,71.7390180878553,7.7109520969986125,26.254124428543033,7.748469712250963,1.2260074339097595,1448,44,321,17,26,473,178,387,0.13,0.782,0.08900000000000001,-0.9642,0,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,0,1,21,19,3,3,19,2,24,2,0,6,2,60,56,26,2,6,14,2,6,5,0,3,1,12,0,0,24,18,0,0,15,0,0,7,11,9,0,0,12,18,39,9,62,40,6,58,0,3,0,1,24,27,1,7,29,214,63,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392102141778803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060069194329693286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990131985687105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359903661657214,0.0,0.0668165267375534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24053954121984364,0.0,0.08005851784426457,0.08066383030630303,0.08306597394961665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862528436908734,0.10128052170113104,0.0,0.0,0.07969828227689281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871522201164099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832679776400375,0.06954727719464113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114120716275724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382188094328945,0.11219241300286177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041024558250787706,0.0,0.08925184203714631,0.0,0.1884038981392344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655003527102133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799016631905499,0.15465690994583248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639133509512284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630738921649371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19180966757197696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06675668450388066,0.0,0.0,0.052414113887251146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267559394910227,0.0,0.11544556203034716,0.05822314486957578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887467956297213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422876848902764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671525484444454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16146760067775615,0.07753110432802154,0.0,0.0,0.0670574474370737,0.0,0.18733178528799868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714835740336446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060450151594313335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3762471201974676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589043668547687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311309250940915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117021437042196,0.05216659653971376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04578687006729839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540950052733823,0.0,0.08174427907850995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558155343332976,0.0708539851672408,0.0,0.0,0.15138501160555545,0.0,0.05716502661467555,0.0,0.08002073189957437,0.11155969897671747,0.0,0.0,0.10113132054045394 ptsd,strawberry_robbery,2019/08/21,"I need help Tw// r*pe mentions, bullying, incest (?), p*dophilia (?) So.. this is mostly me sharing my story in a community of seemingly supportive people and then posing a question at the end. To start, I'm a trans man and the events I'm discussing all occured when I identified as female, as a child. As all kids do, my sister and I would play pretend. She's about 2 years older than me, and we were always very nerdy, we would play as star trek characters or something and run around outside, sometimes we'd play as Mario characters. I was the younger sibling so I'd always get stuck playing the boy bc sis wanted to play as a girl. Eventually the Mario playing turned sexual, but here's the thing, we never actually touched each other, it would always be one of us just sitting on the other and stuff like that. It's very rare for me to remember things that happened to me when I was a child because of how badly I was bullied and beaten in school. (A kid damaged my eye so badly that my vision is damaged for life and I have to wear glasses.) This leads me to believe u have ptsd because I block out like all of school from my memories. Anyway, the events with sis went on until I was probably 12 or 13, her being 14-16. I'm 16 now and I can't imagine thinking its acceptable to play with a kid in that way. To describe it better it basically turned into roleplaying. We would act out sex with the motions and sounds but never actually do more than grind basically. Can someone please help? Should I get therapy? Was it rape? Would this contribute if I did have trauma and now developed ptsd? Thank you for reading.",4.4223022774327125,5.763587050793652,5.409717046238786,80.67105590062114,70.55555555555556,8.271911663216011,29.56866804692892,8.716276077567194,2.333643202208419,1271,50,240,22,23,418,177,315,0.136,0.738,0.126,-0.9043,0,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,6,1,0,3,13,21,2,0,17,0,25,6,2,2,5,52,42,30,0,9,6,3,1,2,0,6,1,1,0,8,18,23,0,1,6,9,0,5,3,7,0,1,9,3,31,14,39,24,6,31,0,2,1,3,26,10,0,6,16,166,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.2228167951030644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28498283174003664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163089570259166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064571498188265,0.13918763139479248,0.0,0.0,0.12862465939026402,0.0,0.1009695073293746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111614615346967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929281476709826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095557483574392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304454705168688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806379898547847,0.11155033043537133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465176874818471,0.1761018971385739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736103782456591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914751270772934,0.0,0.0,0.12531869122564732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308898703917524,0.0,0.2669051345117794,0.0,0.1278907282034939,0.0,0.11419571636910852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932648793739235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23108178915378194,0.0,0.10393136598761528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673148298736976,0.08788965736937543,0.1129119278947002,0.0,0.08080644843562787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069140720599953,0.0,0.12955288680413093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10510762933708652,0.1305574232305489,0.0,0.15169206941850572,0.07315220800200734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24835708561377395,0.0,0.0,0.13732622381787418,0.0,0.0,0.1883958684972448,0.06733736977490816,0.09061872156771143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10583193352785926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4054970691015079,0.0,0.0,0.07351840216434727 ptsd,Ladyrivermouse,2019/08/21,Memory triggers with loud noises? Hi! So I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and Im starting to be more aware of my triggers. I noticed today that loud noises like a gun firing at the range when I watch my boyfriends shooting competitions will trigger flashbacks or memories. Some of my trauma did involve a gun but not gun fire. Has anyone else had an issue with loud noises trigger g random flashbacks or memories? It's almost like everytime I hear a gun shot or a loud bang my brain starts to flip through traumatic memories like a flip book.,4.461960784313729,6.837325588235295,5.141764705882356,78.38460784313726,72.52941176470588,8.062745098039215,30.94117647058824,8.841846274778883,2.9301294117647068,438,20,73,9,9,141,69,102,0.174,0.727,0.099,-0.7963,0,0,0,5,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,7,0,6,2,1,4,0,16,9,7,0,0,5,0,2,3,0,1,1,6,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,9,8,3,9,4,2,6,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,6,8,42,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378103564418277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605743138950765,0.24333496052382425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26511562882597034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410457562727228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839110852217864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676667195384172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565282564644022,0.24787621837296814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3480745511152261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703821504005555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776112645683334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344911727517339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3361910646870744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251112618333829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Broken_Loving_Soul,2019/08/21,"I Think I Have PTSD, But I Am Not Sure? (On Mobile, please excuse the typos) I’m (21F) and I think I have PTSD but not sure? I was abandoned as a child and when people leave abruptly, without saying anything, or threatening to toss me out onto the streets (my mom does all this a lot) I turn back into that child I once was, and still am. I was rapped, I don’t have sexual triggers, other than anything to do with my butt, I start to freak out and panic, my bf often has to stop and calm me when we try it. My brother has Autism and is violent at times, he’s hit me, thrown shit at me, and raised his voice (as does the mom i mentioned) Nowadays when people do that, I just shutdown and turn back into that child from the start of this. Is this considered ptsd? Am I blowing things out? Any/all advice is welcome, thanks",2.148392857142859,3.678033244047622,3.207857142857143,93.43714285714287,76.67857142857143,5.7523809523809515,21.523809523809533,6.1826913282559595,0.12181666666666667,627,16,139,4,14,201,96,168,0.177,0.731,0.092,-0.9539,0,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,1,0,0,0,8,10,2,1,6,0,17,2,2,1,3,32,26,16,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,9,15,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,2,24,5,20,22,2,21,0,1,0,1,14,10,2,3,11,99,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508029626590515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22750898646072884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125862464383499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419383495639839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463694471007541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752128275519752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3237950964645493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472142967391281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621873721637558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166757751514416,0.0,0.0,0.15173900696845585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847631227572734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099289250780924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189482725128044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956849392911711,0.0,0.1103935496676366,0.1155694982855936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26056710697126045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726694752740916,0.0,0.0,0.09183627658985406,0.17714904761952738,0.0,0.0,0.08060513705322893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385155593339874,0.30071697347012544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325227942350196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ThatTheoGuy,2019/08/21,"Any ideas on getting over internalized masculinity issues? (Possible triggers) When I was relatively young, say 5, My dad got a bit.... extreme... in his alcoholism. He'd yell, hit my brother and I, and would overall make an evening hell. Now I'm 6'1, 220lbs, and have a fairly deep voice. Im a big dude. But if someone even raises their voice near me I pretty much shut down. I get quiet, shake a bit (think light shivering) and really just wanna sit down for a bit, recollect my thoughts. And the entire time I go through my recovery bit, I just absolutely hate myself. Im a big guy, built like a viking, and here I am shaking like a small dog who just got scared by a passing truck. I know I should actively work on fixing my problems with my (awesome) therapist, but everytime I sit down with her I feel weak. Like I should just sit in the corner and accept that im less because I cant *be a man*.",2.8141198501872684,4.564632471910116,4.285191011235956,85.4757265917603,75.40449438202249,7.6680149812734095,26.473408239700376,8.447377352677275,1.7897808239700383,692,26,143,13,15,230,119,178,0.094,0.823,0.083,-0.1893,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,1,1,9,11,2,3,13,0,9,2,0,2,0,30,22,11,0,6,7,2,1,3,0,3,2,5,0,2,2,9,1,0,7,0,0,4,1,7,0,0,4,7,25,4,15,12,6,26,1,0,0,0,10,15,1,1,7,84,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407039272415578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167510534755807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217864014214782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5887083792810972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780808504331437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816375052622563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408648340093248,0.0,0.0766153643674377,0.0,0.2156389974662994,0.0,0.0,0.13348263252809495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309650426680086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521835538364601,0.4368522876529649,0.14070612797648865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408779383703748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975833851914165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899864101806838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910051823779124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519774931049672,0.0,0.13714976010013136,0.0,0.12899451678490706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636243892155797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720595160728197,0.13496786038117287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422367995167658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565242584134036,0.0,0.08638050546243321,0.0,0.10702371093808356,0.07860852288047085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981429456959514,0.0,0.0,0.09576482446452553,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gothrex,2019/08/21,"[TW: Emotional abuse, sexual assault] Rant + looking for some advice Hi there. I just needed to get all of my thoughts organized about this, and I need some advice on how to deal with this situation. When I was in middle school, I got in a relationship with a guy my age. He started off really sweet, but told me to keep our relationship a secret. As time passed, he started faking various illnesses (DID, schizophrenia, ""undiagnosed cancer"" characterized by nose bleeds, ""seizures"" and inexplicable... falling.) and keeping me up until 3am on the phone saying he'd kill himself for various things I did, including but not limited to being friends with people, trying out for the school play, and breaking up with him. Naturally, since he was using my fear to control me, I eventually stopped trying to do anything on my own. I lost interest in nearly everything I once loved. My grades dropped. I lost all of my friends. And I lost all of my dignity. Eventually, I guess that he decided I wasn't complying with his every whim well enough, and started hitting me and choking me for things like telling my close friends about our relationship and for literally just speaking. If that wasn't traumatic enough, toward the end of our relationship, he cornered me in a mall bathroom and did everything in his ability to rip my clothes off. It all ended when I got flagged for being suicidal and my parents cut off all forms of communication with anyone aside from school. Then, freshman year and a bit into sophomore year, I went through therapy to treat the resulting PTSD. Well, I'm a senior in high school now. It's been ~5-6 years since all of that went down, and my ex still tries his damn best to stay in my life. When I took engineering freshman year, he switched into the class. When I started debate sophomore year, he joined too. When I joined Writer's Guild last year, so did he. He's made every effort he can to be in all of the things I'm in. My debate team has pretty much been my whole social circle for the last 2 years, and most everyone is like family to me. For those last two years, I'd tell my friends about what happened and why I was such a ""bitch"" to the guy that abused me and attempted to r*pe me, and they'd respond with a ""damn, that sucks"" and would resume to their usual business. Later, I found out that I wasn't the only one who suffered his abuse over the last few years. Some of my closest friends have endured the same emotional manipulation and physical and sexual abuse that I did. I told my debate coach about everything. The response was ""Well, I don't think that necessarily makes him a bad person-"". I told her I wouldn't be doing debate for the rest of junior year. This summer I got tired of everyone saying I was being too harsh to my ex, and I decided to tell the whole team about it. I wrote up an account of what happened and sent it out to our group chat. The exec board got in touch with me and went to our assistant coach to talk to a principal about it. I'm going to the principals' office tomorrow to talk to them about my experiences. I'm not sure how this is all going to play out, and I'm really nervous about it. I haven't had many symptoms in a few months, but I'm worried talking about it in person might be a problem for me. I'm also scared my ex might... do something about it... if he's removed from the debate team like my assistant coach and the exec board would like. I've just felt so unsafe doing all the things I love the past few years and I want to be out of his control. Is there anyone that can offer me some reassurance or advice? P. S. This subreddit has really been a lifesaver, thank you all so much for your posts and whatnot.",5.287283005430432,6.090750875871687,5.944790646606723,79.61277575002227,68.13528591352859,9.1704679664085,30.03914062731832,9.308941714560437,2.5052430576574967,2906,106,564,55,47,947,304,717,0.141,0.728,0.131,-0.9114,1,0,1,0,4,0,103.0,5,2,3,12,34,40,7,3,34,0,45,9,1,9,11,101,96,46,2,9,11,4,2,4,5,5,6,3,0,4,30,42,0,6,7,10,1,10,8,17,3,2,37,8,85,23,104,44,32,91,0,4,1,2,78,37,4,11,44,388,115,11,0.0,0.2548615670852512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764692733367833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04300439486115546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520241684093265,0.0,0.044252805735796125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044900449714114166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05643426239289628,0.0,0.058709118868055736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062800391534738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05544036865732544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209808124048456,0.09525858865656314,0.11112931290707252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061666576044736,0.10276994064666048,0.14499035121798953,0.052602937445953686,0.05069492872019538,0.06051259474158746,0.0,0.0,0.0516330895472219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896226157719625,0.2077347993198577,0.0,0.028095575246546968,0.0,0.061123920665237634,0.0,0.17203730716790006,0.0,0.059239978367792864,0.10649276301428118,0.09510731907512494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681696236505088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559659710949704,0.0594948265319185,0.0,0.0,0.1753374383838062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03798335576402635,0.1050883310497105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04515803059260799,0.0,0.17610753374084062,0.0,0.09706930824297806,0.0508838521998525,0.03589568647389571,0.054520102888718655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409500470229658,0.0,0.0,0.04292323771421027,0.0,0.07906263012207441,0.07974797621336298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057269348138500875,0.03643979503031266,0.040898830712141135,0.0,0.0,0.059711532874181524,0.0,0.051334974978735855,0.037281288117787824,0.09390970564022999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150224005442653,0.05470920307454492,0.0,0.051456066777921486,0.0628608965678767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335024003373317,0.0,0.0,0.2309398374112665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552916422165885,0.05383884067124474,0.2176954515811265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08896760259061409,0.0604461216406571,0.0,0.054817537445082415,0.0,0.04139914858804339,0.0,0.0,0.15225082294264486,0.05731772378830621,0.042945330502539424,0.04495887952539045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882186986886712,0.0,0.0506829455192882,0.055893525751180416,0.0,0.1296685728192823,0.14100695355339768,0.04950942460016052,0.0614971809581418,0.0,0.1429046991295408,0.03445728677597278,0.0,0.042691886090272496,0.0313570336434994,0.061807237740643665,0.0,0.15415491096999068,0.05974676330317589,0.10953047799999224,0.0,0.05253102910505938,0.0,0.0,0.04644492483546755,0.059226318272226165,0.0,0.031718291551911366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505239365652225,0.14955179275757755,0.04852419030607633,0.12007726091874768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054611817175455935,0.0,0.07640140566345557,0.0,0.0,0.3809275494842984 ptsd,badbunittitude,2019/08/21,"inability/anxiety over sleep? I’ve been real bad recently, for over two weeks I’ve been stuck in a depressive mood. all excitement for life is gone and I’m really struggling to take care of myself, let alone those dependant on me (like my pets). of course my sleeping has turned miserable too. I’ve never been able to sleep easily. I’ve always struggled throughout work and school to maintain a healthy sleeping schedule. half the time I’d be running on 5 hours of sleep because I just can’t fall asleep. after my ptsd being diagnosed having spoken about the abuse that’s happened, it’s gotten worse. now it’s less of a difficulty, it’s more of an anxiety. I feel anxious over sleeping. I think about sleeping and I start to panic. my chest is tight, and I start to want to cry. I try to lay there to sleep but I’m on the verge of a panic attack. I just physically can’t do it. it’s always bad when I’m stuck in a depressive rut for weeks. which I’m currently in. I can be so damn exhausted but I can’t sleep because I’m almost fearful of it?? I’ve tried, what feels like, everything. no screens an hour before bed time, sleeping pills, melatonin, lavender sleeping spray, mindfulness, rain sounds, yoga, a bath with supposedly relaxing bubble bath in it. I exercise for half an hour, I go outside for a walk, I take vitamins. I mean even my current antidepressant makes me drowsy but it’s not enough to allow me to sleep because of this weird fear. nothing helps. I don’t know what to do. I only just fixed my sleep from years of waking up at 4pm. finally I slept within normal hours and now it feels ruined. it’s 2am as of writing this because I’ve given up lying in bed for an hour on and off crying out of fear. every doctor either treats me like a dumbass, a brat, or just tells me “no screens and take sleeping pills” *which isn’t helping me at all.* my entire family and s/o treat me like a bratty child with this (or that’s really how it feels). them mentioning or telling me to go to sleep causes such anxiety that I shut off. I try to explain I’m not being stubborn but sleep makes me anxious, and my family definitely rolls their eyes. I really want to sleep and I get upset that I can’t. I don’t want to be this way. I can tell you right now I’m physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted but I can’t sleep. I have a massive headache from sleep deprivation and my body hurts. if I do sleep I’ve basically passed out from exhaustion as my body can’t physically keep me awake any longer. I don’t know what to do and I’m sick of it. does anybody have any suggestions? I’m willing to try anything at this point, I’m so desperate.",1.7871055773494788,4.080827949343342,3.5980849394507963,86.52668224458469,80.95121951219512,7.028333617601911,23.76220365000853,8.121257012390899,1.4999916697936215,2079,75,423,42,55,696,242,533,0.22699999999999998,0.705,0.069,-0.9981,2,1,0,0,1,0,68.0,0,1,2,1,17,33,3,9,18,0,32,38,27,6,3,62,74,28,0,5,16,0,5,4,0,1,11,1,5,1,27,17,0,3,9,5,0,7,15,23,0,3,9,9,51,9,68,58,6,57,0,6,3,0,13,26,1,6,27,247,78,3,0.0417915018384205,0.04951609588157571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041848152321244884,0.0432833922470976,0.0,0.0,0.06954775475395324,0.0,0.0,0.056839308683576034,0.0,0.09591115355406278,0.09442500319870882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034390845146290094,0.0,0.0,0.047543866558297614,0.0,0.0,0.06978831680576628,0.10190284650402033,0.0,0.03556148997494163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928418746455889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04260922138186179,0.04293138438705717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918120047835194,0.0,0.0,0.07198991859148811,0.04241749466179407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04277537298918275,0.036572024886762866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700981458585662,0.0,0.0431817929717083,0.0,0.027602892819235808,0.0,0.03521114275156375,0.0,0.03755950712077778,0.0,0.07879461716969427,0.14108117489201974,0.08452415609454454,0.02985585726370452,0.0,0.045780547511518055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02183433482994624,0.0,0.047502147160624335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036956087057160934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560239255104849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578105526933432,0.0,0.04473866707042914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03714620703750785,0.0,0.0,0.045935032936405384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04273464209066278,0.029518573670017607,0.08166886731182413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579230398695163,0.0,0.0,0.04552319710062097,0.0,0.0,0.04211600438699301,0.0,0.04219750343880874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032232182582155565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04094679862564387,0.04010007313700198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03178432034531595,0.0,0.0980666458505848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0395064774444676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04885202923696413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047567878416247,0.08031811863076854,0.0,0.04126406630109203,0.0,0.0,0.03568971422512452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04229523100228079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8364336632249205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059160480201827036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737910325876737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426602509774824,0.0,0.10958284392535993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0267783069111758,0.0,0.0,0.048737921600676366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349474592823727,0.0454571532683491,0.04082422475341504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394913169433012,0.03317214892504646,0.06704524390050003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030424711072754768,0.0,0.04258911072123778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026912356995733067 ptsd,clynnkri17,2019/09/26,"Not sure what to do... I’ve been doing research based on some symptoms I’ve been having. A little back story is while I was growing up, my dad was a hardcore alcoholic who would fight with my mom almost daily. My mom worked all day and would leave me home alone with an uncle (who was also a heavy drinker) that lived with us for a while. I would’ve been around 11(f) years old. I’m now 22 and have been getting some bad memories from this uncle and it’s causing me to have extreme anxiety and difficulty sleeping. I don’t want to go into detail with what happened but it wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. Is this enough to trigger PTSD? Should I go see someone about this?",2.409130434782611,4.208425492753626,3.3457246376811622,91.55815217391307,76.68115942028986,5.759420289855073,23.09420289855073,6.42735559955562,0.4585246376811592,530,16,112,4,12,169,88,138,0.125,0.856,0.019,-0.8955,0,1,2,0,1,0,16.0,1,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,5,0,20,3,1,2,2,23,27,10,0,4,2,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,11,10,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,9,1,10,1,17,15,4,15,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,3,7,78,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426700383652816,0.16328614594357274,0.1688862688402258,0.0,0.13040310395082805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124744357461907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516251347446935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538699879458795,0.2723050995328545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675127791251574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019421601284048,0.0,0.0,0.10516350139200233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684898414428672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519478605064916,0.0,0.18534731173698904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419793204718126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356759381920935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266239932891508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16343407194003515,0.1439894734352387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3819597556313961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110939508981304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19061437920586585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299417749764871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163182866661625,0.0,0.1381645326009007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368692977600276,0.16948707852399314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961472412256995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618002261723807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871333707593153,0.0,0.0,0.3475103118025815,0.0,0.0,0.10500858002898986 ptsd,akey4theocean,2019/09/26,"Does anyone else do this? Kids or not? With people you love in general? I feel bad discussing my PTSD since I haven’t been officially dx’d but my therapist has mentioned it several times. I’ve gone through several stressful events in my life. But non I felt garnered a PTSD diagnosis. Even the events that occurred several years ago that haunt me, I feel guilty complaining about because I didn’t lose a child, I kept my job, etc. However, my symptoms that I experience now, are in line. So, what I am here for and my question is, I am a single mom. About 7 years ago I went through a tumultuous divorce. It was awful. I was left with no money. Nothing. I was going through a custody battle and struggling to keep it together at work. At work I was accused of horrible things (later proven to be untrue, thank you Jesus). I couldn’t sleep. Had a hard time paying bills. The power bill and water were turned off several times over the years and I just couldn’t get my head above water. I felt like I was going to lose it. One day I was driving the car my ex said he would let me keep only to report it stolen and I was arrested. Granted, I called my divorce attorney and he straightened it out before I was booked, but I still had to call someone to get my kids. It was just a sad, sad time. It was a time I loved being with my kids. I did everything, and I mean everything I could to make their life the best. When the power bill was too much to pay but a hotel was more affordable? We’d go stay at a hotel. I made it as fun as I could. I would always make sure they veggies on their plates at dinner with whatever I fed them. I remember it was one small thing that made me feel I was doing something ok. So now I’ve come out on the other side. My kids are teens now and through we are not rich. We are comfortable. However, almost daily I think about that time and feel this extreme guilt and sadness. I failed them. Why did I have to get to that point!? Why did I marry again? It haunts me. It slowly chops away at me. I spend my days grasping at seconds with them. I am fighting to make up that time for them. Why can’t I just say “It happened. It’s part of life. Move on.” But I can’t. I feel like I failed those poor babies that I look at in the pictures so so badly. Can someone shed some light here? Why I keep revisiting this? Thank you.",1.0207981976182836,3.2698057322175766,2.559853556485354,93.0822135500483,83.72803347280335,5.685291277759898,20.907788863855806,7.010146845296331,0.457644222722883,1812,56,394,24,52,590,231,478,0.195,0.7190000000000001,0.086,-0.9955,6,0,1,0,5,0,64.0,3,3,7,9,20,27,2,3,18,2,48,12,2,5,1,62,84,23,0,6,11,2,8,2,0,2,4,2,0,5,30,20,4,4,12,3,9,9,9,15,0,3,31,12,75,12,49,43,7,57,1,7,1,2,35,24,0,4,25,265,105,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330672077179444,0.0,0.07515885880613762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245353247271829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052481680050662005,0.07690488427101327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051863037619531,0.0,0.12533911196026148,0.045754120716884165,0.0,0.0638680767419604,0.0,0.07876781165328191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15328341283435246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465505865720733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985399792663826,0.0,0.0,0.09681125985314096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568298723485898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06270058855682757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370852380143007,0.049574516650492347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491299070260518,0.07342026091004261,0.0,0.0,0.18975566307119668,0.053620818032623085,0.14413320206855595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11764273433238966,0.0,0.1279700646289202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637275901298052,0.0,0.06723643241985011,0.0,0.07703025408241279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448260524509652,0.2001426377311004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154977518256656,0.07675098547642173,0.1590451803171099,0.07333823032409549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302907307599416,0.16793942588605176,0.0,0.0,0.13548395362671914,0.1420417142468377,0.1503036214945009,0.0,0.0,0.0817592021034721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790598607504495,0.0,0.07977383501985542,0.055175615789146516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201932625086728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172128738562786,0.0570843182452741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127954140304956,0.0,0.052035153046020716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095323438376054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754755019829306,0.0,0.0840811465523913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502507991093666,0.0,0.07139650437724665,0.05968843050850491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33917270366930896,0.0,0.06208802123888164,0.0,0.0751113204621792,0.0,0.12719130012849492,0.05778263417153664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000089804169114,0.05994070908310072,0.0,0.08597767176845666,0.07846599336117661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074044272791563,0.07801308145671848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13820501470605526,0.0,0.08714709567084428,0.09972922430560098,0.04809356868983529,0.0,0.0,0.3063648519030493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164058804790678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957869767322013,0.2709094880019656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928494745388484,0.0,0.0,0.1066368421624409,0.0,0.0,0.14500296386245573 ptsd,Newmannnnnnn,2019/09/26,"Wow. Get the stellate ganglion block First treatment in 17 years that has made a difference. Somehow when I encounter a trigger, it provides a buffer between my thoughts and my body's reaction. I usually lose entire days because of anger after triggers. Feels like I've got a safety on the gun now. If you're struggling and suicidal like I've been for years, look up your local pain and spine clinic and ask if they do the stellate ganglion block for PTSD. I've only done one round so far and notice a huge difference. I'm posting this because I haven't been able to find anyone on reddit that has done the block and reported back. So far one week after the first shot and I'm doing better than I've done in a long time",4.691748251748251,5.8140307972028005,5.087699300699303,84.05616433566433,69.6993006993007,7.398321678321679,29.68461538461539,7.554174236665415,1.8307152447552448,576,22,109,6,10,183,93,143,0.18100000000000002,0.71,0.10800000000000001,-0.9062,0,0,0,1,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,4,6,8,1,1,11,0,10,4,2,3,0,19,19,12,1,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,8,3,7,4,13,11,0,24,0,1,2,0,3,9,0,3,16,64,11,1,0.14979838925639374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474251675410462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004127265859226,0.0,0.0,0.11518571483542325,0.0,0.18263141542463307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324845020602992,0.0,0.1663922408343255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660756855882782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130148676220438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4598872832975263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574256654602025,0.10701599921590113,0.0,0.0,0.13691301395370573,0.25483686675389183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826347568595395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980745623162432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636785276352945,0.0,0.0,0.13256686061150308,0.1257929192869794,0.16758608063388972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417428578879257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054645902544324,0.0,0.0,0.20301453074583534,0.11392842520343135,0.15939604774053445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346544880824835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510630079524467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660180116807887,0.0,0.1638551245840829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189231884271244,0.08734864542213894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498176240889134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201592321619297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293050269601034 ptsd,JumpMasterFresh,2019/09/26,"Something I don't know how to title this but that's not the point. Just need some advice I guess I don't know. Just trying to understand how am I suppose to live with this because I can't. The incident keeps replaying over and over again, anxiety is through the roof, I'm depressed as a mother fucker, sleeping at the very least 2 to 3 hours a day if I'm lucky I'll get 4 keep dreaming about her and my little one apologizing, begging for forgiveness waking up in sweating gasping for air or violently shaking until i wake up. They got me taking meds out the ass for a all the symptoms I was diagnosed with. But they don't help anymore. I guess the point I'm trying to make is this, how are we supposed to deal with this my life is miserable I hate myself constantly thinking about ending it just to stop the thoughts. I see a therapist it helps but the next day I feel like I'm back to square one. I don't know. How do you guys handle this because this is to much. I don't think I should be suffering from this I had a nasty break up lost my daughter but I imagine you guys been through way worse than I have.",2.918323671497585,4.30379724782609,4.066376811594203,88.66729468599036,74.34782608695653,7.1980676328502415,26.690821256038646,7.793537801064563,1.4026618357487919,877,32,188,12,18,286,135,230,0.233,0.7140000000000001,0.053,-0.993,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,2,2,1,11,11,3,2,14,0,19,9,5,5,1,42,43,14,0,3,10,2,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,2,10,7,0,3,10,1,0,1,7,8,0,2,6,3,28,3,31,35,4,25,0,4,2,2,15,12,2,6,11,126,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287296718906326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077672226123646,0.0,0.1306454726306628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129589032955537,0.0,0.1606085603064367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235846383028092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991602966951475,0.13581274156356932,0.11346294611211205,0.13370799704143566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166778864953916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660904718164935,0.09411133086746253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882596909887104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536031281692768,0.0,0.2902413554291334,0.26087622524743026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006079131471804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765980505480588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973219162761326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23418379516625526,0.0,0.0,0.21719391834418747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304814893966623,0.06435894408647354,0.13203282626192844,0.11632419668645835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380403994771576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793396776379397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632760844801734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684019796544563,0.0976796470332638,0.0,0.0,0.14010139985125086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785337502234438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24906383610724064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497553904140604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318298860641674,0.0,0.0,0.1014158456068785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101361486917657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692284434185034,0.09904813650887537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295419681638198,0.0,0.1688206156352333,0.0,0.10458267563618384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17887849428386532,0.0,0.0,0.13714051938046132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086949641423215,0.0,0.10456491185282504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424896344577705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throw-away6473,2019/09/26,"Does nobody take your struggling seriously? I hate how many people I know makes jokes about how I cant sleep or they make jokes about what happened to me. I go nights where I'll get at most 2 hours of sleep and I can't do anything about it because I either cannot fall back asleep or be asleep very long before having an ""episode"" of sorts and being wide awake again. I'm so irrationally angry at these same people as well and I know not to lash out but it's so hard to ignore it.",3.505077793493637,4.270804118811885,4.056944837340875,91.6751485148515,72.16831683168317,6.563507779349363,21.359264497878357,6.1826913282559595,0.0351799151343708,380,7,86,2,7,120,73,101,0.16399999999999998,0.789,0.047,-0.8877,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,11,7,1,1,1,0,7,4,4,4,0,19,17,11,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,2,0,2,4,4,1,0,0,1,10,3,12,15,3,12,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,4,5,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539526249202664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389075911375142,0.0,0.1299275754581552,0.0,0.1813656175714923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18651940298625302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135634709024712,0.0,0.1211318235235542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18847814185712636,0.0,0.19093070765850215,0.21043066752417885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20989901266642566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23427127554409166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18862133598761616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845439174640917,0.2160895246812326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20001654284542075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29552753579061314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42658591638108745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22281919341029455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025402638181555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586202290310882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19163758649471613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yoicanteven,2019/09/26,"Sister who can’t have emotions Long story short, I’ve been going to therapy for years. I’ve told my mom and sister about how I feel and they’ve always said I was dramatic. I’ve never been able to have emotions. So my sister (late 30s) just started therapy. She talks to me about her sessions and I’m happy she’s getting help, but I can’t help but feel cheated because she can have emotions. I feel like she can feel things and it’s validated but I can’t. I’m stuck. My head hurts from all this and I’m dissociating a lot. What can I do? Someone help :(",0.017959770114945428,2.3213191293103503,2.2777241379310347,92.50635632183908,90.4655172413793,4.817471264367817,19.80229885057471,6.42735559955562,0.16758229885057485,433,14,94,5,15,146,66,116,0.125,0.7340000000000001,0.141,-0.0129,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,0,13,1,1,1,2,17,26,10,0,0,4,4,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,6,5,15,2,7,20,2,7,0,1,0,0,16,1,0,1,6,55,20,1,0.15659750732910907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030167086257669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546038698231142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5284533548909883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167216197369005,0.11187329052557697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08181573425569802,0.0,0.08899797220610525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667009584706532,0.0,0.0,0.16071422090162413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148920246867539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764087042249462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766488091745435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650563203537397,0.0,0.0,0.1385838661500879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313360075135247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340510794012108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077765158231164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896008993832965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326845597818352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084052169049026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586714458298787,0.0,0.0,0.3581657944778533,0.0,0.10403642553385656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963562909170944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084366046899143 ptsd,WaffleNomz,2019/09/26,"Dissociation stories? I had a very strange and kinda scary bout of dissociation this morning. I had a kinda rough night, but I was doing our regular morning thing (get up with my boyfriend at 6, make us breakfast, put his meds and sandwich in baggies, kiss him goodbye, etc.) when I realized I had ""zonked out"" and made 2 PB&J's how we each like them, bagged my boyfriend's, and drew a heart on the bag (I usually write/draw cutesy shit). I remember getting the bread down from on top of the fridge and putting my 2 slices in the toaster, then my boyfriend walked in the kitchen and started rubbing my back. I ""snapped out of it"" at his touch and saw everything done. As he was walking out the door, I asked if something was written on his sandwich (the sharpie was by the toaster, not its usual spot) and he said ""Yeah, a heart. Why?"" So I told him I didn't remember doing any of that. He said I was probably just still waking up, and not to worry myself too much. But I'd been up since 4ish (this was at 6:30-ish). It's happened to me before, but mostly kind of going ""on autopilot"" while driving, and only realizing I'm at my destination when trying to park, or blank staring at the wall/floor while watching TV or talking to someone (or rather listening to them talk). So, that brings me to my question to you all: What's your ""Dissociation Story""? What was a big one that you did things you don't remember?",4.250745454545457,5.5240352654545415,4.833590909090908,84.89838636363636,70.89090909090909,7.6818181818181825,31.20454545454545,8.07648339933343,2.103527272727272,1098,48,222,15,20,351,163,275,0.013000000000000001,0.92,0.067,0.9420000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,3,4,2,1,10,4,1,0,14,1,17,10,4,3,1,40,33,26,0,2,11,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,12,16,5,0,6,1,0,7,4,1,0,1,20,9,36,3,35,13,5,39,0,0,3,1,25,21,1,8,12,152,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382087382749793,0.0,0.08674362496323955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924925085432544,0.0,0.0,0.09808401439431952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854222617987916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053583649433306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226057816563795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464065538257685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328728977718418,0.0,0.0724939928666031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279887212004396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30231302899401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13283173814143792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062318259681054776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069820058186387,0.08514576980204579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14168787308752295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937696025010417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970428091028452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643641351004934,0.09701339539839347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375287984938684,0.0,0.0,0.2564614841721275,0.1428938413696954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334940987157669,0.0,0.2426732077083669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093616837183478,0.105517065616355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807924373891388,0.09820016614647216,0.0,0.0,0.0902860120245498,0.0,0.10186776140083524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20505212996106612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948736479191154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188686954397712,0.0,0.08660331999201384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15343623355484587,0.0,0.2809736186823994,0.10524847940859502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510100358817395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295410582849379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nozzaa03,2019/09/26,"i feel like don’t fit in or relate to anyone else with PTSD :( when i was in my first year of school me and my then friends were playing a game involving sticks being thrown at a tree. as we were throwing at the tree i turned around to tell my friend something and ended up with 3, inch long pieces of stick stabbed into my eye. all i think about whenever i close my eyes is the feeling and what i saw of the impact and i get this burning feeling in my eyes, i am now absolutely petrified of low hanging sticks and cannot cope with people touching my face. i just want someone who has similar like accidental injury related PTSD to talk to. because most of the stuff i see on here seems to be related to physical and sexual abuse. sorry if this is hard to read i’ve struggled with my learning due to wearing a thick eye guard in my younger years",5.519298245614039,5.43818821052632,5.915257309941517,83.11007894736842,67.47953216374269,9.179181286549706,31.719883040935674,8.841846274778883,2.353827602339181,668,25,139,10,10,215,114,171,0.139,0.752,0.109,-0.7548,0,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,7,0,11,6,6,0,1,27,21,11,0,2,3,0,6,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,14,0,1,6,3,0,2,2,2,0,1,4,12,21,5,29,15,3,26,0,1,6,0,8,15,0,4,11,90,26,3,0.0,0.20398795290762334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038211363548802,0.17640389005268506,0.0,0.1532637872786541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495048470465856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382217507849746,0.0,0.15248752269047922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26115613417211136,0.12299506043632524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464438778194459,0.0,0.0,0.2660292609548879,0.0,0.08994936264184766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15422646226640965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822272397107632,0.0,0.0,0.15236104089324815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935787308979375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025044891772095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17221208039871924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424066732855176,0.1371936051665963,0.15673299598696358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587526095518732,0.13254140542530166,0.0,0.19272517062744168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17998475125430866,0.19708829578540735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838009932668366,0.1504802267367181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103166942362942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872666145246089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154766663954944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22173786174937216 ptsd,ghostofasurvivor,2019/09/26,"Potential TW: Your Thoughts/Advice? I apologize for using a throwaway account, but I do not feel safe putting such a personal post on my main account... 32 years ago, I was drugged and raped. This person stole my virginity, my health (I became bulimic for years and years), my sanity (I still suffer from PTSD)... ... And I want to contact him. Why?? I don’t know. But see, he was so very long-time dear to me... He is my cousin. My big brother and him together with me, we were like the three musketeers. My cousin taught me that I was left handed for golfing and baseball... he taught me how to ride a bike... we spent hours and hours together growing up, and he was really someone I looked up to, and in many ways, I loved him beyond measure. Until I learned that night how to hate. But suddenly, this year, on the anniversary of the rape, I got curious. I wanted to see what’s become of him. What he looks like. What his life is like. And I found him on Facebook, because my freakin’ sister is FRIENDS with him!!! (I hate her for that, because she knows what happened. But I was thankful, too, because it made him easy to find). Am I sick?? Am I coming unglued??? Why do I want this so bad?? Do I reach out and contact him, or am I completely opening myself up for a breakdown?? Have other survivors experienced this?? Help, please.",1.6686551339285742,4.092032394531252,2.8179017857142874,91.14406250000002,82.4765625,6.0008928571428575,24.767857142857146,7.310402129719878,1.1699357142857143,1007,40,207,15,28,322,144,256,0.135,0.6890000000000001,0.177,0.7603,0,0,1,0,0,0,76.0,2,1,0,0,8,14,4,0,7,0,17,9,1,4,0,37,40,20,0,3,6,4,2,3,1,0,4,0,0,2,13,17,0,1,6,2,3,4,2,6,0,1,12,7,48,8,27,28,1,29,0,1,4,4,31,12,0,1,14,137,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222462288323835,0.1108935626058047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445323755934552,0.22877931552961214,0.1381630724378408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776253470625924,0.13116492339817534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507623197478756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325429642198492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433909310946234,0.0,0.0,0.13716564432590025,0.0966519154300553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005386265112426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062547765377646,0.0,0.0,0.2470206134089722,0.0,0.13297540294405116,0.0,0.0,0.08385186329454852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463965137440839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13750332798415546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592146787758486,0.0,0.0883617983379313,0.18335255789876975,0.0,0.0,0.1107095241056704,0.21010491107482812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290759422436175,0.11837260284934495,0.0,0.12683171983921504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11739783389685987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21846491192901585,0.0,0.13732218451867925,0.0,0.0,0.11981117671417042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462351536388707,0.12576000829221315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014223497235551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937693585300514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599678647807756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999049861996434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517523147572105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804619548699212,0.0,0.10322056495847297,0.22136158525425206,0.09929852189057453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257665038852486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222410795641891 ptsd,InsanityBeforeDusk,2019/09/26,"I was fine for a while but now i am having flashbacks and dissociating so hard i dont remember who i am Basically that. Its coming up to a year ago since i was sexually assaulted, and for some reason my friends are spending more time in the school canteen, which is where around 2 years ago my ""friend"" would hit me cause I'm different, which i guess is causing me to remember more stuff which i am not ready for. And then a similar thing that happened at that time is happening now too, i keep forgetting who i am, and my friends are saying I'm acting strange (like not myself) and i feel like someone else is me, if that makes any sense. Im really confused so this probably makes no sense but thanks for reading",6.1191549295774665,5.844673978873242,6.622640845070425,79.19621478873242,66.25352112676056,10.480281690140846,33.24295774647887,10.125756701596842,3.066180281690141,563,22,116,12,8,184,89,142,0.122,0.765,0.114,-0.0397,1,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,9,1,1,4,0,15,0,0,5,0,26,27,12,0,2,5,0,2,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,13,7,0,1,4,1,1,2,4,2,0,0,2,3,17,7,10,23,3,17,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,4,12,81,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26014027007167445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997836127670984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306236638835823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014708471618976,0.0,0.12639766557841234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330497122173606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17197022632813638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257676643669815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419271853002753,0.10482623272622893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400971362823244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164317086238011,0.0,0.2595113815213924,0.0,0.13144413254263404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849704359878194,0.0,0.0,0.1304232167717473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337286676615316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589111075965204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582032152685813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467729155472054,0.0,0.09400105001570606,0.15086617564737215,0.0,0.0,0.3324402402398055,0.0,0.0,0.1166881360098078,0.0,0.14850183965893507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12137922550786685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243265705113768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797441692638287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509222319859598,0.0,0.0,0.09748302301453904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17112262653118254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423506059632688,0.0,0.0,0.18898274953073815 ptsd,syllableddot,2019/09/26,"My life feels shit So, I left my abusive parents to move in with my fiancé and I’d finally started therapy. I finally started opening up. I was doing great. He’s been supporting me, and I’d never been happier. But after my stay on Thursday, he delayed our marriage. I’m shattered and he’s taking me to couple’s counseling. I know it’s been only two sessions but I feel constantly like I’m being accused of fucking it up when I’ve been working my hardest. And now I’m having trust issues and emotional issues. I’m fucked up. My heart is broken and I feel like I’m on square one. I regret getting out of my abusive situation because at least I had something to call my own. I gave up everything to escape because I trusted him. I love him still but my heart is broken and I don’t know if anything is repairable.",1.4795151515151517,3.8494584363636406,3.932878787878789,83.19265151515152,82.81818181818181,6.090909090909091,28.560606060606066,7.3871296695380915,2.007242424242425,642,32,118,10,18,223,94,165,0.201,0.642,0.157,-0.8468,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,1,4,11,3,0,0,0,13,7,3,0,1,22,32,13,0,2,4,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,10,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,7,4,26,7,17,24,2,25,0,1,1,3,11,11,3,1,14,78,28,2,0.0,0.3173292380893871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019871915611787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326384413261374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673981069353092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471202534535044,0.0,0.0,0.14817182477616714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506337321194569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035207507226076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313081213363354,0.0956672398067842,0.0,0.29338957368305985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24760021529556595,0.06996384420478388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763919390019462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3173743227425696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27954007643252593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718980509067314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549651021424906,0.0,0.094586480672818,0.13084593493429764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086141499830184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232797792283156,0.0,0.0,0.10328170828749872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907426923984548,0.10184662157624808,0.0,0.0,0.14869417502855767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745943367972244,0.0,0.1505234543211608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309251747321127,0.0,0.0,0.1895681573154212,0.14273309096209916,0.10694283303460382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196251352339007,0.0,0.0,0.1006856638883824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531408113139678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081322250823266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749002028448876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jayekeeyu,2019/09/26,"TW child sexual abuse; Social media is disgusting I was scrolling mindlessly when I see a disgusting video. It was a young female raping a toddler. The thought of it keeps giving me anxiety, I hope legal action has been taken. The sight of the innocent little boy triggered me so badly. It reminds me of my own trauma. I tried to tell someone and they told me I was overreacting. They told me that the world will always be bad and to just get over it. I really wish I could. But my heart keeps breaking over and over again. My own traumatic memories keep replaying in my head and my heart is so heavy.",3.0887617554858933,5.419793362068969,4.391692789968655,82.35894984326018,76.58620689655173,8.01128526645768,24.33855799373041,8.841846274778883,2.0313896551724144,474,16,88,11,11,156,76,116,0.23199999999999998,0.6779999999999999,0.09,-0.9694,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,5,7,3,0,7,0,10,4,3,1,0,14,22,8,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,3,1,1,0,1,0,6,0,0,8,2,19,1,9,11,2,11,0,0,2,1,9,6,0,1,3,62,24,1,0.0,0.2071828956040076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549920542143202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376896381044673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920049591496261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396130913213403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135818632540672,0.16774357958353464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945887636216612,0.0,0.0,0.4144246623605751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367743736738175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662761833935565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752576781792844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202108520555194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393423874871686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824980467069454,0.1481600189172567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283710955508947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882090862323626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33417630014187083,0.0,0.11871983078739992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20108268898021814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_terpsi,2019/09/26,"21F // PTSD (sexual abuse) Hi... is my first time here so I am pretty nervous, none of my friends or people I know have PTSD so I feel pretty lonely because I don't know if I am getting worst or is just that I don't have anything to compare with. My nightmares are back and they are driving me crazy. Is the same event (Second sexual assault), but each time is someone different even people I know that they would never hurt me... is this normal? I can’t control them... I am just so tired every day because of them. Any recommendations? I am doing oil diffusers with some lavender at night and therapy but my nightmares are getting more and more real. Help.",2.7758398950131244,5.015547574803152,3.868208661417324,86.17953083989502,77.18897637795277,5.808136482939633,25.543963254593177,6.816661863887847,1.1249270341207351,510,19,96,5,12,165,79,127,0.114,0.794,0.092,-0.2389,1,2,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,4,2,8,6,1,1,1,0,19,1,0,1,1,24,25,11,0,3,7,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,5,0,2,0,2,20,1,6,24,7,10,0,2,0,0,7,1,0,4,8,75,23,0,0.0,0.19751389464138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133626654822151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718104474750845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281830833983256,0.0,0.2032392470540157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18696979013839454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750860933735663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17416747787970113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010469963413344,0.0,0.1404531156145269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428923446144157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417961219876735,0.0,0.0,0.12879308476506662,0.0,0.17418919777038686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173643159528418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17845729185269762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748441823073545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285703931468962,0.0,0.0,0.15643796716326322,0.16333197368770144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23113951617282685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.339190499236473,0.0,0.0,0.3897300214784339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897426838394272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124555157497204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906375741061857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944098487711688,0.19159873154349252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184198885790997,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,idkwhattowritehere21,2019/09/26,"Dreams Hi all! I’ve been reading a lot of these posts and wanted to talk to people who understand. I’ve been having dreams about my trauma, except I don’t remember the dreams. The only reason I know is I sleep at my friends house every once in a while, and he tells me I’ll scream in the middle of the night, mostly “no” and the guys name, as well as saying “don’t touch me” sometimes. Does this happen to anyone else?",1.7444186046511625,3.6672580348837234,3.009476744186045,92.6330523255814,79.11627906976744,5.230232558139536,16.563953488372093,5.985473137389443,-0.4971348837209302,325,5,69,2,8,105,61,86,0.086,0.762,0.152,0.7088,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,7,0,6,1,1,1,1,13,10,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,3,7,2,12,8,3,7,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,2,2,44,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900074936101962,0.2183406738283129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648058348773885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17801325474576604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954145185869344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463641498379245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21099722797760795,0.1884389146945329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458826408508394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711125882463527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18116546979767614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19997491424398045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22693887102333496,0.0,0.16206810047045125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773301444404938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20408579096898885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131523384456092,0.0,0.0,0.21909681368454414,0.0,0.0,0.24139472305346546,0.0,0.0,0.1694614361690617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21324856642464168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107560794256546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127742547170144,0.186254135856752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218390687402956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568875863877035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19159770177020446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kurokurokid,2019/09/26,"video games causing PTSD so i was abused as a child and i have a huge fear of being hurt /attacked ect. bonderlands 3 just came out, which is a game i played and grew up with. i just got it and the first boss battle triggered my ptsd so bad bc it was running at me. i was shaking and crying and had to take a break completely. does anyone have any tips for overcoming this ? i want to be able to enjoy one of the only good things from my childhood.",0.8445161290322574,3.0197911397849486,2.1208709677419364,96.42130645161294,83.83870967741936,5.0103225806451634,18.97741935483871,6.2581,-0.18326580645161306,348,9,78,3,10,111,69,93,0.212,0.6709999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.8978,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,2,2,6,0,9,0,0,3,0,14,13,8,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,0,4,0,4,0,6,0,2,6,0,9,3,12,5,0,11,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,52,14,1,0.2079788009543355,0.24642087018568004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14143271654592302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454236133752571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23660591088011934,0.0,0.0,0.17365361151655068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378723421069934,0.0,0.21365151897750734,0.0,0.0,0.21806181583834466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284549469162098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18200365025954604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234033972622125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690666184573806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444275075312013,0.16633964634822482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264560794149085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093181806033256,0.15817725000947566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4862321772580712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637417503652262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381718739151632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226712853477925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lemons264,2019/09/26,Help It sounds cliche but I feel like a burden on everyone and on the world,0.2325000000000017,2.5502272500000025,1.5425000000000004,98.2525,89.0,5.7,14.25,7.1686216300943375,-0.3786500000000004,60,1,14,1,2,19,15,16,0.193,0.551,0.256,0.0644,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6210789682339902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286468904458448,0.4643422711176776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4356645427845655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3175449543470526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cawiggins78,2019/09/26,"Fuck Ive been having trouble going to work. I'm a divorced dad with my kids living with me. No SO in the house, but one in the picture. I'm 40 and they are 5 and 6. I have an issue where I get them up and get them ready and to school, but I often cant make it to work myself. I come home. I sit. Sometimes, like today I can get stuff done and clean. Sometimes my brain is just fried and I cant even think. Maybe I jerk off 4 or 5 times and smoke weed until I have to pick them up. Facebook or this shit. I'm involved in a custody case with their mother. Its stressful. My job usually isn't but it can be at times. My work is audited and I often get dinged for stupid shit. Its not a huge deal as far as my job being in jeopardy over my mistakes, and I'm actually a pretty good performer at work, but they have racked up up enough to where i probably wont see a raise this year. Add in my ADD and sometimes I just fucking cant. Cant leave because I can ride out FMLA on the bad days. But they get sick of it, I'm sure. No one else will put up with it but they have to by law. As long as I can keep my drs writing the recertifications and make it to work most days, I probably wont get fired. I'm on a computer in an office all day. I'm okay with that. I seem to be okay for the most part once I actually get there and get started, but just getting there sometimes...fuck me, its hard. I went through this last year abput this time and it got really really bad. I ended up laying on my couch for like a month straight. I was definitely here for the kids but not the way I wanted to be. My relationship suffered. Badly. I ended up with a terribly nasty slut for a few months the while my girlfriend ended things. We got back together eventually but it took a long time to get things good again. I dont want to do that again. I can't. My parents really came through and bailed me out financially last time. I cant have that again. It's such a terrible feeling. That slow slip. Like you know. You can feel it, or at least I can. That slide down to Hell. And it wont matter what lifeline is thrown. I wont take it. Or if I do, it doesnt make me feel better. Its empty. To feel like a problem...thats me. And how can you fix the problem when that problem is you? I dont know what I want out of this. I should probably get back to counseling but its such a joke with the ones ive been to around here. I'm in a terrible area for good therapist and I make quite a small salary. My kids mom doesnt help out really at all and missing work keeps my earnings down as I'm hourly. I cant get a medical card because I make too much money but I cant afford my copays because I dont make enough. Anyway. Thanks for listening.",0.2523344748858456,2.151683217465756,2.3700410958904143,95.40669406392695,84.11986301369862,5.605662100456621,19.15114155251141,6.816661863887847,-0.003014748858447547,2085,55,501,25,60,701,243,584,0.18600000000000005,0.71,0.10400000000000001,-0.9948,5,0,1,0,1,0,70.0,1,4,8,10,25,34,7,1,28,2,50,9,3,8,3,91,105,44,0,8,21,4,6,4,1,6,3,1,3,3,33,35,0,2,8,1,2,8,22,21,0,3,9,8,72,13,70,86,10,79,1,2,1,3,28,37,5,10,36,327,105,11,0.0,0.0,0.12125474352042676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530654987865192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955442577699235,0.15562132959526606,0.11361684296409093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494662872672649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693547152643675,0.0,0.07105718452833554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053517246324433096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202010828265259,0.06405061225175683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357789129677717,0.21843851911557552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0518994632774742,0.0,0.16507928446697684,0.12838840547418612,0.0,0.041034555904828025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565390270084095,0.04438382063782422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230731598026752,0.38950797183103386,0.0,0.035308428106195354,0.15632852420042415,0.09937790026574418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565393939037285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04164268068609555,0.0,0.06231883886251542,0.0,0.06118296565437869,0.07168666798228991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484485513809643,0.12330369856815525,0.11044335963734192,0.0,0.0,0.06828717878821325,0.10128423160885287,0.0,0.06578393672090739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140922052400333,0.0,0.05485962459548799,0.10996157223239084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488230960433561,0.0,0.06241531488029928,0.0,0.0,0.06258681043171736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276284961882007,0.09917898174220033,0.0,0.045670780950731835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661636439361107,0.12629738430022094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06898511557023866,0.06727791032510444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06320589198079384,0.2009515065512097,0.1783425684755621,0.0,0.06245518778750661,0.0,0.06608012787984734,0.0,0.0,0.15920159048586394,0.0,0.0,0.06670156754792038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628762366479658,0.049507487071182514,0.05655844354428818,0.0,0.0,0.1275457484033118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18433673526633315,0.0,0.043974087210645336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116671663433455,0.0,0.07112099899721241,0.0,0.0,0.05855433089375586,0.0,0.046712066281495414,0.0,0.0,0.05719855467543807,0.0,0.07213468957166606,0.08254935613321153,0.03980872364281807,0.0,0.0,0.1811349069194632,0.0,0.05888950242727964,0.0,0.06902581751002786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842454403939573,0.0,0.10993303486328172,0.049313831287984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05759271400639108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713768840633624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001600592402487 ptsd,automn37,2019/10/24,"Fear of consulting I, i am a women in his 30’s (my first langage is french... so sorry for my english) I’ve been abuse sexually, physically and psychologicaly for many years and by different mens in differents situations (15 yrs to 22yrs old). From family, boyfriend, a client in a boutique that tried to rape me, chiropractor and doctor ( who no longer have the right to practice). I was really cursed.... because it seems that everywhere i go there was a bad men. I manage to finish my university, have a good job, have a husband and childrens. I have a great life. But, i still have triggers... reflexes and tought of my past. I just want it to disapear. I’ve been better and better as the years passes. And i doubt that i could heal more... but i can’t say beacuse i didn’t have therapy. But i’m afraid of it. Theres so much that i never even pronounce out loud... because its seems impossible that all that stuff happens to just one person... Its been two days since i think of going to therapy and i experience symptoms that i didn’t had since years... shaking hands, accelerating heart betting, pain in my stomach. My whole body just want to run. I think of going to therapy because since i know that i will move to another town, i fear that i will move where my ex-boyfriend lives. I cannot live where he is. But i can’t search where he is and I’m paralyse... that makes all the others agressions to the surface. My husband juste want ti know is name to search where he live. Just to know and making sure that we don’t go there. I know that he will never do something stupid, like searching for him and making trouble. The problem is that i realise that i can’t tell is name out loud.! It was surprise. But the words doesn’t go out! I feel like that if we didn’t have to move, i would not have to go to all that. But i want to move for my childrens. They are gifted, and they need to be in a place where they can be stimulated and have better opportunities. Things that their dad and me didn’t have. I don’t want the processus to reflect on my family and my work. If it make me worse. Does it really worth the try?",2.5694786275637327,4.435569479905438,3.8208945115328095,88.03108108108108,76.42316784869978,7.0316018145805375,23.9619832598556,7.917944638633933,1.1452733882818995,1642,53,350,26,37,536,192,423,0.08800000000000001,0.807,0.106,0.5449,3,0,1,0,1,0,75.0,2,0,4,6,17,21,2,5,16,0,45,10,4,6,6,70,73,26,0,11,14,3,2,2,0,4,5,3,0,6,29,20,0,0,10,0,2,13,15,11,0,3,11,5,52,10,40,55,6,42,0,0,0,1,27,18,0,6,13,235,81,5,0.0,0.09600272917847932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496297504159192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765344438856324,0.14817835293657086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21498311513681687,0.0,0.09000177810200939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646927815002199,0.0,0.0,0.05225515868293178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16931014641722028,0.0,0.08293369005525622,0.07090652318610813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351700283894352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925911490494987,0.15276847170979746,0.1823538734789449,0.040969252129605935,0.05788509227653488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892079528104901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762941436354959,0.06796088393439151,0.0,0.08933160797579473,0.0,0.0,0.0716511500771418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601636879698923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08040594373226538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17811939525059026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723116056151215,0.07917056071627343,0.0,0.2146427044583665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21634231675747626,0.08214779077549476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444718652794864,0.05956353760634971,0.06007985786560244,0.12498471214962467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502330632021576,0.0,0.054905411021728745,0.0,0.08621752821614395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773486211613707,0.0,0.07074890216612376,0.08465507320861014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753107539856159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381484315020774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691958828379043,0.0,0.06443524053893153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14752631371208613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20107698673079935,0.09107677885094884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062377882951462925,0.0,0.0907021326401626,0.0,0.0,0.06470758193739708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275554764306564,0.0,0.0,0.07636618024919024,0.08421718624567709,0.0,0.0,0.07082041977578676,0.0,0.277981365787784,0.0,0.05383016861179499,0.1038365606367754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002286390457396,0.0,0.07915076750592066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389565903315369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046279431076476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058987996639249765,0.0,0.08257256130010446,0.057558646763796975,0.0,0.0,0.15653453735902834 ptsd,oiismymiddlename,2019/10/24,"Advice on how to ""come down"" after being triggered? I'd rather not go into what trauma's caused my PTSD, but I've been struggling just functioning with it for years now. When something triggers me I have an extremely hard time remaining calm and going about my life afterwards. It leaves me on edge and emotional all day and I'm extremely exhausted by the end of it. It's conflicted with my work in the past because I'll be barely keeping it together or I lose my shit while I'm working. Is there any way I can try and learn to better manage myself when I'm triggered, besides just avoiding my triggers?",6.317554479418888,6.561373322033901,6.684285714285719,77.16398305084748,65.77966101694915,9.79370460048426,33.80629539951574,9.606745405546679,3.1790227602905574,484,20,88,9,7,157,86,118,0.16699999999999998,0.765,0.068,-0.9279,0,1,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,4,9,8,1,2,3,0,6,3,1,6,1,25,13,10,0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,8,0,3,1,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,1,1,11,2,14,10,1,20,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,1,11,57,17,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103890708622564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641166315994367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124513283970676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904157182561167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22117283040369373,0.0,0.1854622409800312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885095441377468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421839849134075,0.19069226052865854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447203715362937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286687988640108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19136889868671628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22797204943592145,0.0,0.0,0.15207304822077894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24086608937176346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20552860505146286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516746601947627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22100277901960985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657487758227856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507873740620055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554340166659858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14617484709195633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17089544567626944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134825283763478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386464064591266 ptsd,Oc-2100,2019/10/24,"Operating in the face of fear? EMDR and lots of therapy helped immensely with my PTS from a physical assault a while ago. I don’t trigger at all anymore, but I think that’s in part to staying away from stuff that triggers me. Like over the top angry people or places that could turn violent (night clubs, etc). But here’s the thing that keeps scaring me. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s that silly ‘be masculine’ shit shoved down men’s throats. But—— How am I supposed to protect my family or friends from a harmful situation if I need to protect them, or even myself. There is only so much avoidance in the world until you have to be out in it and confront some possibilities. My therapist believes I know can react to normally triggering circumstances and act normal. Like running, fighting, protecting, instead of just freezing. But how do I know this? Will there be a point where I don’t freeze and panic in case I get assaulted again?",4.534502407704657,6.349463814606741,5.212391653290531,80.33786516853934,70.96629213483146,8.456500802568218,31.253611556982346,9.04235418022936,2.7875701444622787,741,33,136,15,14,239,120,178,0.214,0.6779999999999999,0.109,-0.9761,0,1,0,0,2,0,21.0,0,1,1,1,11,15,6,4,8,0,13,3,3,6,1,33,21,16,0,5,8,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,5,4,1,0,2,3,11,0,0,0,2,17,4,23,16,6,23,0,0,0,0,6,15,1,6,7,100,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14041382520497653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15709223089206326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882390348681165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846482290244095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12647111639000114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17666011379955626,0.10462303425406187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932731842938854,0.1782463006080887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12238100066424933,0.0,0.0827585128771791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061735289144369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14079498539317414,0.0,0.0,0.2611608078094939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547744426319872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346677251313513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.159136110595297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164437039577168,0.11745308395480727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864955675410582,0.3104006774405549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047186713389303,0.0,0.185850630134982,0.0,0.17153394160790553,0.0,0.10981600966340656,0.0,0.16549638720873067,0.0,0.1497411003258856,0.1785744669153728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15858804633413626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16259738785901665,0.0,0.17805049700089942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16883546752822326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813324050959932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811465043008897,0.18391694345288584,0.10523525750353722,0.10149761257201777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17229590154305774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293317695261146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Domwolf89,2019/10/24,"Class Had an episode in class about when an ex that gambled was at mine, they had me gamble and I messed up the spots and she went nuts, yelling at me and power walking until I have an asthma attack, after I dropped my pump she kicked it across the road. It felt like I was there again. Sorry if this upsets anyone.",2.0073958333333337,4.026065781250002,2.3981250000000003,96.86770833333335,78.6875,4.266666666666667,18.479166666666664,3.1291,-0.7862208333333331,246,5,53,0,6,75,49,64,0.17,0.7929999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.7964,1,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,1,5,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,7,6,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,6,2,11,1,8,1,0,13,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,5,40,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3109602319393898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5059359152055757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42700323143370617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21726889354142787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4978303001086428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122621064268367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,the_little_grr_maid,2019/10/24,"Triggered Night Terrors (trigger warning) Yesterday, I was at the DMV to renew my license. The only seat available was in front of people, in public I prefer to be in the back so I am able to see everyone and the exits. I was already on high alert. There was a man there extremely irate. He was spouting obscenities about his long wait. Three ladies were working, it was the time of day where they were trading off for lunches. So as one lady came back one of the others was finishing up and about to leave, he went up to the counter seeing if it his turn yet, the lady explained that she was going to lunch, and asked the lady making licenses to help him next. The license lady finished with the first person she had, she called him up, on his way up there he kept on yelling and spouting off more. She was trying her best to stay calm. Telling him to relax and calm down, that he was up here now. Well he didn't and she refused him service. He walked out pissed yelling and continuously spouting. My anxiety just kept rising the whole time he was there. The more he spoke the more I wanted to say shut up, that he wasn't special, and doesn't everyone know that the dmv always takes a long time. All this to say it triggered into night terrors, I get them occasionally. At the beginning of the year I left my abusive husband. I keep dreaming that I go back, that I forgive him all while my mind is screaming you survived this, you got out, why the hell are you back here. He strangled you, beat you down mentally and physically, why are you here? Now I ask for advice, is there something I could do to stop the night terrors and/or minimize them. I've noticed that if I oversleep I have them so I try to make sure I have between 6-8 hours of sleep but no more than that. Sorry for the long hopefully not too scattered post",3.728875845602865,5.296308086350977,4.267181655391962,87.30537256267412,72.59331476323119,6.799880620771988,27.584659769200158,7.310402129719878,1.377851492240349,1429,53,287,15,28,452,187,359,0.08800000000000001,0.8490000000000001,0.064,-0.8261,0,0,1,0,2,0,42.0,0,6,4,5,24,15,2,3,22,0,27,4,2,5,3,41,51,17,0,6,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,14,14,2,6,4,2,1,7,5,6,1,4,22,8,44,9,48,27,8,64,1,0,2,0,49,26,2,3,28,204,58,3,0.1061450857376042,0.1257645696261948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372374930573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713374157620884,0.0,0.08832121443921817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120070005739141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984626532626754,0.0,0.0,0.3264760759483634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139271885023387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838600027013652,0.12140170071032998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474821385724161,0.0,0.0,0.06845479913690443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028523563399967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028695570416394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055456426321045416,0.0,0.12064939667828238,0.0,0.08489392160247967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114681352753609,0.1121481108513806,0.0,0.10542602033150976,0.10453152815224932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434662927567304,0.0,0.0,0.058334563187580124,0.0,0.0,0.11239231965564564,0.11532694623023622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818051820601753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170533791989903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10696928083290068,0.0,0.10717627803237824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128865028716851,0.2988299174983116,0.0,0.0,0.12084688363715372,0.0,0.0,0.1438533143044221,0.08072812078419789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358763753776022,0.09268179465925946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165765092487744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688216650606563,0.0,0.0,0.16916778136458532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622174244909006,0.0,0.0,0.08171567278050328,0.0,0.1188207332570832,0.0,0.11313653834323607,0.0,0.08874204453895287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004048713220093,0.0,0.07980789455576871,0.0,0.09277548346870196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856821592692952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441310913388278,0.11545537295384957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260712169238088,0.08425302841145058,0.0,0.0,0.09543717959043918,0.09839755790086747,0.19155886013247145,0.11850719756649038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727488659884557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835395511168027 ptsd,urlittlevenicebitch,2019/10/24,"Dealing with triggers during high-stress periods TW: death, self-harm and suicide. Hey guys. So it is coming up to the two year anniversary of my mother’s death which I witnessed in person and was very traumatic; about six months after it happened I was diagnosed with PTSD. I know this date is going to be a major trigger for me, last year around this time I was self-harming and dealt with a suicide attempt. Right now I’m in a way better space than I was last year but I can feel my anxiety and grief getting worse each day. The shitty part is that I am in the middle of my final exams in my final year of university and I have a lot of pressure on me to do well. I am already aware that I’m going to not do well in one subject. The anxiety and stress and PTSD flashbacks are all getting too much and on top of this my relationship is currently very rocky (although that’s a whole other story). I’m in therapy for all of this but I was wondering if anyone has any short term coping mechanisms just so I can get through these exams and pass! Thanks in advance :)",5.244601006470166,5.426674962616823,6.048691588785047,81.0162580877067,68.06542056074767,8.827606038820992,30.480230050323506,8.617729084823388,2.2440982027318466,838,30,166,12,13,276,125,214,0.163,0.7609999999999999,0.076,-0.963,1,0,0,0,0,2,20.0,0,0,0,4,9,7,0,2,9,0,19,1,0,2,2,28,33,15,5,1,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,12,15,0,0,3,0,0,5,1,3,2,3,5,1,18,4,30,27,9,39,0,1,0,0,6,16,0,3,17,119,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176348328968462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119770538332884,0.0,0.18268497089135807,0.0,0.0,0.08348891262927262,0.0,0.0,0.10629342315822933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056016922260134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285456826193942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700465007604819,0.12309859947072158,0.0,0.1211908911074598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060373425392508936,0.0,0.0,0.26159891773643995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871484289120374,0.0,0.13571823583204212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822711769696485,0.10558712055043287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261551584649197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562041934583733,0.19465773426976105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151162423171192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530583174919027,0.0,0.08777447980780223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091013537369303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930112992182982,0.0,0.0,0.10425754302314304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791499593665513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819345918782402,0.0,0.10196897069947043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491254230557773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27355002048012417,0.0,0.0,0.2612136237355207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992965913612783,0.13654701494024998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962448155656419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663876464382228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703891846078764,0.0,0.09477604276795612,0.0,0.0,0.21471413870951786,0.0,0.0,0.13330848085391622,0.0,0.0,0.1294867757871508,0.0,0.0,0.12168121481323647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075648434326481 ptsd,x24throwaway,2019/10/24,"Does anyone relate to not being able to experience stress when necessary? E.g. when I have assessments for uni, I don’t get stressed about them and so I have zero motivation to do them and now I’m sitting here with a report that was due yesterday that I can’t make myself finish because I can’t care about it. I feel so much anxiety and stress in my life about things relating to the traumas. I am always feeling some element of stress and anxiety, it’s always there, I am always scared, but it’s almost like my brain has decided that everyday events aren’t worth it? Why should I be stressed about writing a report when I need to be stressed about potentially getting attacked again? The report is so minor that I think my brain has switched off from these types of things because it always happens. It makes me so sad. I’m just sticking with the uni assessment example — I used to get panicked about them, I’d be so motivated by the anxiety. But it’s completely gone now. I’m going to do terribly on this paper and I can’t care enough to make an effort. Does anyone relate to this? I’m so sad",3.5463031233998983,5.3998360138248875,4.772496159754227,82.31842677931391,73.65437788018433,8.140194572452637,27.26292882744496,8.841846274778883,2.1865414234511005,873,33,168,18,18,288,114,217,0.205,0.71,0.085,-0.9798,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,3,3,21,15,1,7,7,0,20,3,2,6,0,26,40,16,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,16,7,0,0,6,0,1,2,6,12,0,1,2,2,21,3,25,33,3,17,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,2,12,116,37,7,0.0995963623430392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09973137022182038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3314886078705874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285728337555801,0.0,0.0,0.13928018456204322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330524036291195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142603612860613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22236495773893092,0.0,0.0,0.2030902583166449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442489101658667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743148957088711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290966608619273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974243534150648,0.0,0.0,0.10071782667298887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610496590792694,0.0,0.05660290791862005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807273429791178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034785613724867,0.048657751834227006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19944403572722044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321478602646006,0.07384944069643865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971333343127177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6845237793778115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323347952476447,0.06381732746456796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601927936354763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987022579140559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KilledAsAKid,2019/10/24,"Anyone prescribed or offered Prazosin? What is your opinion on it? I was having bad nightmares for years. I didn't want to think I had PTSD back then. Eventually my psychiatrist told me I might have it and that it's so bad that they wanted to prescribe me this new experimental medication. She told me it was a blood-pressure medication with an unlabeled use for stopping dreaming. I politely told her no because the concept seemed too science fiction and disturbing to me. I guess I have the belief that human beings need to dream in order to sort of repair themselves emotionally or something. I just feel like dreams are an important thing for humans to have, otherwise they wouldn't exist. &#x200B; I'm curious though. Has anyone here been prescribed or using Prazosin? What type of effects do you experience? Does it take away nightmares but leave normal dreams or does it end all dreams completely? Does it have any side effects? Does it help you? &#x200B; Thanks.",5.017991886409735,7.93677547126437,5.016707234617986,77.32548681541584,73.02298850574712,7.312508451656524,30.924949290060848,8.313332769828598,2.727548073022312,788,36,125,14,17,245,117,174,0.067,0.802,0.131,0.9279999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,3,2,2,6,5,0,1,5,0,17,2,0,5,1,29,32,10,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,15,3,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,3,0,0,8,1,20,2,15,21,1,11,1,0,0,0,14,4,0,9,7,88,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570673832465349,0.28829268898865296,0.08067129821506988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165895302990934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145517389564813,0.0912178246953429,0.1980993170873147,0.07231469831076344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437949439444493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4152496283715724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344084786824986,0.10506944518216436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604122064677795,0.0,0.0,0.05998202265829461,0.08474806680690035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068242449293455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951403538694206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561021975862205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05795578537448735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390110231825237,0.0,0.1258458582180641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796136635351237,0.0,0.1145719318703531,0.0,0.0,0.1162305270555204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13867011088842476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1079947305820901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132584545929044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917855375278188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919370295352284,0.0,0.0,0.10921698184678408,0.0,0.0,0.07881135792174303,0.07601221170905409,0.1165516826150821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34006321521554306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491349085943786,0.0,0.0,0.13994006598189698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28829268898865296,0.07639272282354623 ptsd,EconomyFap,2019/10/24,"I’m in for a shit weekend So my family is coming into town. Don’t get me wrong I love my dad and my little brother they’re amazing and I love them to death. My mom (who we’ll call P for this shit story) is a totally different story. For years P abused my siblings and I verbally and physically. She would always be screaming and slapping the second she didn’t get her way or her parenting failed. That kind of shit kept going until we were strong enough to hit back hard enough to make it hurt. Today she keeps up the abuse by treating us more like trophies than people. She never gives a fuck about what’s going on in our lives until it has an impact on her reputation. If it’s good then she’ll jack it, rub it in the face of whoever will listen and not give a damn about how we feel about the situation. If it’s something bad then oh we better not say a word about it when we’re back in our hometown and saying shit to relatives is off the table. We’re just her gambling chips at the end of the day. Needless to say P is a “trigger” for my ptsd. Luckily I’m living away from them now but they’re going to be coming into town this weekend and I just can’t deal. The best ways I’ve found to deal with a ptsd episode is getting fucked up until I pass out for a few hours. That isn’t an option this weekend though because I’m going to be on little brother duty and he shouldn’t have to see me acting like that. It also breaks my dad’s heart to see me struggling with this shit and that’s the last thing I want to put him through right now. I just don’t know what the fuck to do or how I’ll get through this weekend.",2.574047406082286,3.670537540697676,3.942674418604653,90.36100178890881,74.75581395348838,6.571377459749553,22.823792486583184,6.844919456158928,0.5100043828264758,1270,33,283,11,26,419,176,344,0.121,0.777,0.102,-0.7856,2,0,1,0,2,0,20.0,7,0,2,4,17,26,9,1,20,0,22,12,7,4,2,47,53,26,1,5,10,6,3,2,0,5,0,5,0,0,21,20,0,3,3,4,1,9,9,15,0,1,4,10,36,11,49,40,6,53,0,2,2,5,38,20,9,5,23,186,57,2,0.0,0.2094248095393988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07067513008065286,0.07353682188552213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830331889369193,0.13591306006905668,0.0737911819122286,0.053873856169079935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274630763904383,0.07816235768674926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024289404709566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225808194436302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699591432592958,0.1822258064193836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233525304419823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827587350477037,0.18263432541810445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833140587908965,0.0,0.044686114122147715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969009218772172,0.0,0.2451095977275577,0.18469353577943834,0.16955872299845973,0.2009069565100308,0.07412651335999537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07916851712489305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472728181815977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703363530449937,0.0,0.09460950690336452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855362176115893,0.0,0.09203114348743467,0.04856973955953665,0.07203912708103972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635316798290422,0.1771541312134452,0.15607718615528532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15952755547569014,0.0,0.058992396453145836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350618427381338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06816186310862528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813230407782957,0.0,0.0,0.06126954921249084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661618684624752,0.08884338930999261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547355532621228,0.0,0.21084303685372846,0.0,0.0,0.14085020327180384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535890844962179,0.0,0.09933955642480638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803700461626792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09239092729289552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871381420855488,0.0,0.08683004606457159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377115137687803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630676240509444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052127099767476585,0.14029924708230765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278055186037293,0.09662647853643548,0.0,0.05691195092972615 ptsd,enh_ano,2019/10/24,"I need some advice so a person i really care about just said they missed their razors and that cutting helped. i have no idea what to do in this situation. the person doesn’t cut anymore and they said not to say anything. if i were to then a lot would change and i don’t want to loose this person because they are who i have been able to get close with and cope with. i feel like i should do the same in return but i don’t know how. i know this page isn’t for advice and rather ptsd but i don’t know who to talk to.",1.603706981317604,2.7603869911504475,2.77746312684366,97.51235004916424,77.31858407079645,5.730186823992135,16.9803343166175,5.82211442006289,-0.7531447394296951,402,5,100,2,9,129,68,113,0.077,0.871,0.053,-0.0955,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,4,0,5,5,2,0,4,0,14,0,0,1,0,27,25,11,0,6,6,0,1,1,0,2,0,3,0,3,7,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,4,4,15,2,13,19,4,5,0,1,0,0,14,3,0,3,3,71,22,0,0.17773740301718646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34736586634599026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762677443281586,0.0,0.0,0.1462627384749386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834707118034556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121512795297806,0.0,0.18802260525357592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986937137691194,0.12697563622909036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928604572357005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11913363469875995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064389373535266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930394853907764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683351725119184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110598409553214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179003223478766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4655803339901489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20776551276544966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11386313159912224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33813794345018666,0.14134391673626054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997842878965808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142858591972048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483412531685896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625955156819005,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ubmt1861,2019/10/24,"What is therapy like? More specifically talk therapy with an emphasis on cognitive behavioral therapy. I have serious problems. I'm incapable of being happy. I have some really decent days, but almost never a good day. Some days are just awful. I just had to drive to the store so I could get away from my wife and kid to cry for no apparent reason other than the overwhelming depression and anxiety that have been really hitting me hard today. I want help, but I have a problem opening up to people that aren't my close friends or family. I was also turned off by therapy as a child, and I just really have very little faith that it will help me. I don't want to take medicine.",4.463358778625956,6.088410030534357,6.093045801526718,74.71101908396945,70.8320610687023,10.736183206106867,28.367175572519088,10.793553405168565,3.53295358778626,538,20,97,18,10,184,91,131,0.231,0.65,0.11900000000000001,-0.9489,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,1,6,1,15,0,0,1,1,22,22,9,0,5,6,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,6,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,3,1,13,5,16,15,3,13,1,2,0,0,7,7,0,4,6,72,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799537493526273,0.0,0.0,0.11020546243179226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542317769544902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947568647609115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11002892835319378,0.0,0.1513762414933186,0.2666253781709569,0.0,0.11869431810670585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299136537229202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064705581656701,0.0,0.07199928919659568,0.0,0.0,0.11558728896533013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14669978369646355,0.12344940900471715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18474035715645695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732630558405821,0.13812038923593434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062864636474848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553910967329672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637283771805484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648510932923814,0.1416901603913672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361489301577276,0.11076530725566544,0.0,0.0,0.6303844328120404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306264093946077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989614978941404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370650148426276,0.16256612838341344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yagirlanxiousYEET,2019/10/24,"Helping a partner My partner (mid 20's F) and I (early 20's, F) have been dating for almost 2 years. We live about an hour apart. She was diagnosed with PTSD 3 years ago following an abusive relationship, and is currently unemployed. She hasn't held a job for more than a month or two at a time since graduating college over a year ago. She struggles to wake up in the morning; if she wakes up before noon, she has a good day, if she sleeps into the afternoon she's miserable. She can't consistently wake up on time. I'm worried about her. How can I support her, esp with the distance? Is this a normal symptom? I know she also has really bad nightmares, and sometimes takes xanax (prescribed) to help her sleep.",4.39388489208633,5.632319791366911,5.366251798561152,81.34664388489209,70.51079136690647,8.437697841726619,30.446762589928056,8.841846274778883,2.446562014388489,557,23,108,10,10,183,95,139,0.11699999999999999,0.807,0.076,-0.7752,4,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,0,4,5,0,2,12,0,10,8,5,1,0,15,16,8,0,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,2,1,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,3,0,17,2,17,13,1,26,0,1,0,0,18,10,0,4,15,67,18,4,0.0,0.19776844854526104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959223489625425,0.0,0.16714250208360726,0.0,0.0,0.13348285580420394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13936808724046718,0.0,0.0,0.14203342519414833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764716534252952,0.0,0.0,0.16941646874791844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400014217562691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376087274979412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437887242950294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16563861133764868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173279956718662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739009684253135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323094927748405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16354247427859045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951161507883945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693081666259886,0.0,0.0,0.17920557373345947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380748375391694,0.0,0.3340735672752677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508442813743146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449709411755698,0.0,0.0,0.1894145696596258,0.0,0.173489883122911,0.12550023853992268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19466040221221897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305291135745753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951154273354352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224657555275515 ptsd,Chickpea16,2019/10/24,"Importance of self care I was the victim of an armed robbery about a year ago and thought I was doing so well and making so much progress. I am in school and having a really challenging semester with taking difficult classes and not been sleeping well or doing much in the way of stress management of self care. My teacher was speaking about his own experience of being robbed and was emphasizing the feelings of feeling victimized and it triggered me in a very intense way. I think I experienced a panic attack. I broke out in a cold sweat, felt a tightness in my chest, racing heart, felt like I couldn’t catch my breath and couldn’t stop crying. I was lucky in that I was able to keep this discreet enough in that only a few people sitting close to me noticed but it was really scary to feel that loss of control and feel as though I wasn’t able to get a hold of myself. I know that it shouldn’t be, but I felt so embarrassed and a real sense of shame. I have been pretty much asymptomatic for many months now and this came as a real surprise and has been a wake up call to make myself a priority and take care of myself better. Hopefully it will be a loving reminder to all of you out there to treat yourself with love, understanding, kindness, and compassion.",8.100365853658536,6.825060215447158,7.946463414634148,74.60310975609757,62.69918699186993,10.964227642276423,34.72764227642276,9.928628108626363,3.2095105691056918,1007,35,190,17,12,324,139,246,0.12,0.6629999999999999,0.217,0.9789,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,5,10,25,3,4,17,0,24,9,7,4,1,50,48,22,0,4,4,0,8,1,0,2,0,1,0,2,10,19,0,5,11,0,0,2,5,10,2,0,16,11,23,15,35,25,7,21,0,2,0,2,8,11,0,3,6,141,33,4,0.21786215508122764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656082771463254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392482650339355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634068589455197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123080939356657,0.12458813313628812,0.33318748028521605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217546605932772,0.0,0.0,0.11965567366902205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255492221194772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655549606970463,0.0,0.0,0.2203153032687893,0.0,0.3137727513393218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691199205054678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290838513683168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819313881303412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09682294679877898,0.0,0.11343495449271085,0.05986567142253413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532182221650846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19662910086724092,0.0,0.14542468024407865,0.11043901521749756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869477468298179,0.0,0.2402306272883219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401875377030952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284699309198547,0.0,0.12780714898210646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551909346488482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108220672880838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24797482857814096,0.1395680752243439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024406602377687,0.0,0.0,0.2272777417202388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109009746262061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107125843472393,0.12478018128307986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380522734134814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979863604389415,0.10702423061036352,0.08647910784781145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340109338056087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987954715633258,0.0,0.17292883805487072,0.0,0.0,0.19588424161101944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014804249048923 ptsd,-Idiocracy-,2019/02/27,"Parents Divorce Well, i don’t exactly know if i experienced the most extremely traumatizing event compared to witnessing a death and being raped, but because of the fact this is an open community and we care for each other i thought i might get some support. When i was nine... my mom decided to divorce from my dad... in most cases it wouldn’t be too bad... in this case it was different... this entire shit storm caused my diagnosed PTSD. I faced my dad getting destroyed by my mom in every way possible... from my dad having to sleep in his car to my mom who aways said my dad was a demon... from the most horrible things you could imagine... my mom wrote a letter to her lawyer stating that my dad “beat us” “Physically abused us” and “mentally abused us” my mom is delusional, She has mental health issues... Because of this she only sees her own reality instead of the actual reality... now skipping ahead... when i was 12 my mom kicked me out of her house because her new boyfriend who moved in with us almost immediately hated kids... He played her in such a way that my mom started hating us. A couple of weeks later when i moved in with my dad.. My sister still lived at my mom’s. my sister had enough of being isolated from the people and family she had been with her entire life.. so she said “mom i wan’t to go to dad to see my brothers...” my mom took this as a sign of her wanted to move into with my dad’s as well... when they dropped her off there was a giant hassle between my dad and my mom’s boyfriend... her boyfriend pulled out a pickaxe (i know right what the fuck) and threatened my dad. I proceed to calling the police and they show up... we got Youth counseling at the end but that didn’t work as planned... they damage had been dealt and still to this day me and my mom are rivals.. she’s a delusional alcoholic who lost her mind. I’m currently in therapy to get trough this mess... i still see the frames of the fights, abuse, and suffering i had to deal with, with such a young age... anyway... thanks if you made it this far... you guys are awesome❤️",2.811439075630254,4.647253708333338,3.9665798319327727,87.3868235294118,75.6421568627451,7.211876750700281,24.402240896358546,8.052868069273773,1.3073340896358547,1595,52,331,26,35,519,208,408,0.156,0.807,0.037000000000000005,-0.9954,3,0,1,0,6,0,80.0,7,3,3,5,17,18,7,0,21,0,25,9,3,2,2,48,51,22,1,5,4,26,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,20,23,1,0,5,2,0,7,3,12,2,1,20,6,68,6,54,25,7,52,1,3,3,2,70,20,2,8,21,227,88,2,0.0,0.19354055625063307,0.05313466393062436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05818974429324397,0.054523110341638786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051156911190734525,0.0,0.04546289246593968,0.09957536657918037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055598824704532916,0.0,0.055514691811020825,0.05593443146751564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04347333672732002,0.060247116550020414,0.0,0.0351152950372819,0.05613483906259723,0.0,0.05526489494941875,0.0,0.05688793120236029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822591978615722,0.056260683742326234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04587588495571589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051329955660783515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050337501921355436,0.08534253828203653,0.0,0.03094479286948886,0.0,0.04354808050756279,0.0,0.0,0.05391336906584678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751482526237673,0.0,0.05787706140966335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282718351391417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683092447121192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05984782434628502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03845915195928742,0.0,0.0,0.04807973084781482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059437844682915165,0.0,0.0,0.05152124567891539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097441787495699,0.0577621044188658,0.05497827283924898,0.7652443671327551,0.0,0.17361297170765755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258747475581655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041411147426976866,0.0,0.0,0.06045950575817955,0.0,0.0,0.03774828990538856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613834063674592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636483197645923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04649940603877378,0.10358750912407484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13016713134033545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05589142560883203,0.0,0.0,0.054488624209008865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038539495903514714,0.0,0.1304498477175024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061788422173432875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012960139550915,0.06226752165423367,0.0,0.036173696537395314,0.0,0.0,0.0432266634042219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049517749899945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32747902814279795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03211560880145448,0.08643864236707978,0.04367594539189807,0.0,0.09791292242759997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03963974003435622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,your_godammn_right,2019/02/27,"how do you deal and cope with flashbacks without resorting to anger and suicidal thinking? (Possible Triggers) so i have put this NSFW as i want to be open as possible. i have been battling with a flashback for years, which all happened in response to a relatively mild event that the rest of society wouldn't be affected by. i used to get repetitive stuck images about the event in my head and obsess, which would lead to feeling extremely detached from myself and a sense of brain fog, the residual impacts after the episode had extreme effects on my mood generally causing severe anhedonia and hopelessness, as well as irritability, self aimed wraths, and even suicidal ideation. i saw a psychiatrist and didn't really talk about this event but did talk about other traits, i was diagnosed with OCD and GAD, and cluster b traits. my GP prescribed Zoloft which worked great in addition to seroquel, i stopped seroquel due to weight gain but even after stopping the seroquel, Zoloft was well enough to control the flashbacks alone and these episodes would happen every few months generally. &#x200B; i no longer get images of said event but instead it manifests itself as a change in aura, a sense of atmospheric change. i feel as if somehow i am reliving said event, or in other words reliving the same psychological effects that i had during the event. i don't feel scared or anything in these episodes, i just feel this sense of ''brain fog'' and a sense of being cut of from myself, it's an extremely depressing feeling, and i convince myself that the present is all that exists but it does not change anything. i've had this all night tonight, what can i do? how do i snap out of this when i feel a flashback coming? is there way to electrically shock your brain everytime a flashback happens, could ECT help this? &#x200B;",9.9205,9.027995678787882,8.651931818181819,69.76789772727275,58.87878787878788,11.765151515151516,41.53409090909091,10.820120047756994,4.538318181818182,1474,69,247,29,16,453,177,330,0.11599999999999999,0.7929999999999999,0.091,-0.6615,0,1,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,2,0,6,15,13,3,2,19,0,25,8,4,10,3,61,44,29,2,6,10,0,7,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,22,19,1,3,9,0,0,3,6,8,2,0,12,10,25,4,44,25,7,31,0,2,1,0,9,9,0,4,18,175,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949338865098464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2081707249775216,0.2334566809470801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810506268279428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32171776401751984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868424562847693,0.3048690948155521,0.08275067651969388,0.0,0.0,0.10774400517224762,0.07669933040045047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903782162487068,0.08273982903749831,0.09750299278518162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840663011124359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925984743186624,0.0,0.1268988034707403,0.0,0.08093810879302205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914372329472948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003790067455834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591095878781633,0.0,0.0,0.2548473773686921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858943399308172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438971052392799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07667741148290838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014960722102924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21659557423040726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657090744635656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061541092921021334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275782780377534,0.0,0.0961768766698854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021575922432342,0.10852503759394656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16062770139250634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101569667302157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544252956974855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155396697465679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296849917551513,0.0,0.0,0.056661068045563465,0.07625117473571635,0.0,0.11698013809430745,0.17274624294087687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260232010446144,0.0,0.0699357755065625,0.0,0.0,0.13648229564914527,0.0,0.2334566809470801,0.06186210126056061 ptsd,iamediting,2019/02/27,"Are there any advantages to living with PTSD? I’m writing a presentation on PTSD and I need to write advantages to having PTSD, and I can’t seem to think of any or find any online after searching for a couple hours, if anyone knows one and could help me with this, I’ll be thankful!",6.579473684210527,5.7487536140350874,6.93228070175439,79.20263157894739,65.49122807017544,9.705263157894738,29.52631578947368,8.841846274778883,2.1039052631578947,224,6,45,3,3,73,42,57,0.0,0.797,0.203,0.8932,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,15,11,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,10,9,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,28,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4060536700026777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917051480541578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589139541344302,0.22022941501393756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18191518808193627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334095545750505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960102486451284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938491417009376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575232816081116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758258272176744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348718630811906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6979868762717467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181194789489646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324549658818665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275341549076338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Appex1,2019/02/27,"Shameful events give me PTSD-like symptoms I am 20 now and ever since I was 12 I've been having these PTSD-like symptoms where I would get flashbacks to shameful memories. It's not one particular memory that haunts me. They're basically all memories of a shameful nature that happened in the past few years. It could be where I said something wrong and later thought it to be embarrassing. Or it could be someone who belittled me and made me feel shame. I have a history of childhood bullying and a hard upbringing, and I quickly learned not to react to those events and instead of digesting them in a healthy manner, I would keep them to myself. I get these flashbacks multiple times a day, where I have to roar or smash the wall with my fist(poor neighbors). It makes meditation uneasy for me as they come up during my sessions too. I've tried to observe them as merely thoughts, but the feelings of shame that are associated with these thoughts are simply unbearable. It's funny how my mind is racing, but it's mostly the same thoughts that I think. I'm also quite uneasy to be around as I often come off as insecure and needy. I also keep myself busy with media all day long and can't be productive at all. I also look and feel older than I really am. Could shameful events lead to PTSD?",6.4363440860215055,6.877409838709682,6.559612903225808,77.4810860215054,65.53225806451613,9.516559139784947,33.06559139784946,9.3871,2.9328007526881725,1032,41,190,18,15,330,137,248,0.161,0.815,0.023,-0.9819,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,4,2,14,9,0,8,9,0,21,3,0,5,4,50,42,21,0,5,6,0,4,0,1,2,3,1,1,0,16,15,1,2,9,0,0,3,3,9,0,1,8,6,28,0,28,24,6,28,0,0,1,0,8,10,0,4,15,137,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2889182451405878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720628927425743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20747580180673936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28845543762569026,0.0,0.0,0.15533195838893546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108933855062945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267576811800174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258371277734967,0.11552533552960167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649392081874284,0.0,0.1078796695622362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21408355407597032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11766989664530192,0.0,0.0,0.10657482836719297,0.1011290357256502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139517122303363,0.08038650295811517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159776501799248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816050054684866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496197797983107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223210205141103,0.0,0.0,0.12808980708994305,0.0,0.0,0.07714914327505966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11455443162154155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961913465602322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10203809850715924,0.0927112170666066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503412256179717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771652824458366,0.0,0.3824249389941535,0.07022242852421805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817625826263109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109693185101485,0.13166891277032047,0.0,0.07755156574115701 ptsd,CrazyAlex91,2019/02/27,"Do I have a claim to PTSD? So I know PTSD is a serious thing, and that people have been through some crazy shit. Therefore, before claiming to be a person with a claim to PTSD, I would like to submit my story to this forum and see what you believe. When I was about 5 years old, my biological Mother had me and my Brother in the car, and she had some type of episode. She claimed she was about to crash the car and kill all 3 of us, and me and my Brother had to beg and cry for her not to do it. We were pretty terrified and thought it was going to happen, and had to cry and reason with her not to do it. Eventually she decided not to do it, and we drove home. (She died of overdose about 9 years later). I have often felt an extreme level of emotional numbness in my life, and multiple incidents like this seem influential. But is something like that enough of a reason? Obviously encountering military shells and rape are more intense, but I'm just asking the community if I also have a claim to PTSD. If not, I'll not necessarily claim to be part of the community.",5.733031007751943,5.274120748837213,6.874709302325583,77.6858624031008,67.09302325581396,9.957364341085274,31.405038759689933,9.516144504307137,2.5888992248062017,831,29,173,15,12,282,115,215,0.109,0.836,0.055,-0.8913,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,3,1,0,0,8,8,3,0,11,0,23,4,1,3,2,42,33,21,2,3,10,3,1,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,10,18,0,0,7,0,0,4,5,5,0,0,12,2,24,3,29,18,6,12,0,0,1,1,16,3,1,6,8,131,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10556699606183063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340994799005325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232934707444836,0.1487281578408665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29000985499190385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13700378208210456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849157845301506,0.0,0.1363998700120258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674867716404534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07502336346068768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167345106316562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241509603227464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604763393304926,0.0,0.07254831365650853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932413717551924,0.1934777735953544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852051285834305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429521332418144,0.0,0.09151793923893704,0.11526456258130766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429990688540522,0.0,0.0,0.6172425903770418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27145305276121345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519353015080583,0.12017540554430367,0.0,0.0,0.1355046309559174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162644469402243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770045398227462,0.0,0.0,0.1047998509295342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878974054038136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937749143643645,0.0,0.0,0.17001804433365114 ptsd,Eeffa,2019/02/27,"How to support a friend with emotional numbing? My friend is recently going through a period of emotional numbness. She says she feels empty and like she is going through the motions of life without really experiencing feelings. She experienced sexual trauma in the past and was diagnosed with PTSD several years ago. She also isn't sure how she feels about me and that it's like that part of her is locked away. We live far apart so can only talk via text and phone calls. How can I support her more? I feel so useless and I'm not sure if I should just give her some alone time because she doesn't talk much now, or if I should continue checking in. From anyone who has experienced this or has a loved one who has, what has been the best support for you in this time? 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Just bummed. I never saw people explode. I only had one or two semi-close calls. I hated when people couldn't do their job. I did not respect people that malingered and faked being hurt. I did my best. I gave my damndest. I've known people that died prior to the military and I've know people that died within it. I'm a strong guy. Always been. VA dude said I had the PTSD thing. I don't think so. I don't think so. I never saw war. I FUCKING can't stand sympathy for something I don't need and I really don't need it. I see stuff that sucks sometimes and think it could be worse. Tonight though, it's weird. I started crying and crying. I keep thinking of the people I know that aren't here any more. They got shot or killed themselves or drowned. Some were only like 19. I don't know what to say. I don't think I have PTSD. But you guys might get it. I don't even know what I'm asking for. Just sucks. I think about them alot oddly enough. Wasn't even close friends with some of them. Not looking for sympathy. I just feel odd sometimes. I cried in front of my fiance. Wish I had done more. I don't realy know. Ya know? 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They'd say something like ""Don't you remember when you did a bad thing?"". And from there on out I've just had a tremendous guilt-complex. I didn't realize this until a friend of mine pointed it out about a month and a half ago. So, I've been tracking my behavior.",2.7492342342342373,4.286684554054059,4.528108108108111,84.56531531531532,75.08108108108108,7.636036036036036,28.54954954954956,8.344100000000001,1.9464576576576584,283,12,60,5,6,96,55,74,0.051,0.7879999999999999,0.161,0.7579,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,1,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,9,0,0,0,1,8,10,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,5,1,7,3,9,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,41,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100503343314305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920436539891648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702317248061176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708801380987791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791833770690064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3306460610372406,0.0,0.0,0.3558422170480607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962216522769573,0.0,0.0,0.2781514417001579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26927032363090203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323718958926951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395391898781134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MedianBoy,2019/02/27,"Witnessed a death. Need help. A few days ago, I watched a pedestrian get killed by a car. I was the ""first responder"" in the sense that I pulled over, called 911, and approached the person. He was very obviously dead, body was ripped open, guts spilling out. Nevertheless I felt for a pulse and there wasn't one. Waited in the middle of the road while for cops/FD to arrive, waving cars by. I think maybe I was in shock that night because it didn't seem to affect me. But that night I got home and completely lost it. And ever since I've keep getting flash backs to the sight of this person's body, and it leads to all kinds of dark places. I'm not a crier, but I will break into hot tears in the middle of the most banal routine thing. Not sure what to do or if I just need time. I don't have a therapist and will probably reach out to find one, but needed to get this out somehow sooner than later as I'm melting down a bit.",3.6464679822795,4.3195008638743495,4.225863874345554,90.93382601691505,71.77486910994764,7.342891663310512,23.069271043093032,7.321109707123232,0.5865800241643169,719,16,163,7,13,228,120,191,0.1,0.883,0.017,-0.9096,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,5,5,1,0,16,0,11,3,3,2,4,36,26,13,3,4,8,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,10,11,0,2,4,0,0,5,5,3,0,3,9,4,11,2,27,15,4,31,0,1,2,0,6,15,0,5,10,100,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241169402314454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485995450737747,0.0,0.09105745489908706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307852807730244,0.3318433234523581,0.0,0.0,0.15252831037130568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566165726436791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633434966818333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351180039597628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434231752373658,0.0,0.13652580597046735,0.12705807731443192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341264088968454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946862501197085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001227393631154,0.0,0.14983504323070615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277113203531854,0.16526101781300706,0.15555080503459734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306017383957408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006700339811654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322784303895052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2803561486465809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024403789924837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608565221767334,0.15606481023523625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16105123384279893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359851529361087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235643283086138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407839244271961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17343558589480254,0.09923793968766073,0.0957133017375369,0.0,0.0,0.08710161198203115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324980407349638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LolaFrisbeePirate,2019/02/27,"Does anyone else wake up in the night because it's too quiet? I find it always happens if there's snow, because of the noise dampening effect. But also if there's no traffic or something. The silence wakes me up. It's like my body is like- ""it's too quiet, something must be wrong!"" And it wakes me up. Sorry if this doesn't make sense, I'm lying here at 3am wondering why I'm wide awake. ",1.156463414634146,3.1111040975609785,2.941646341463418,92.22881097560978,81.1951219512195,5.0756097560975615,21.22560975609756,5.985473137389443,0.14221463414634172,304,9,65,2,8,101,57,82,0.091,0.846,0.063,-0.2942,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,3,0,4,4,4,2,1,11,9,7,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,2,6,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,5,3,36,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974836404494674,0.19743142508431247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16590787539115395,0.24311580620684495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892807147637371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635585244070846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076405490632208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821243190378668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2168646311199944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20982109225662565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318407102492197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583825980270759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226660825266065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653310664083061,0.0,0.2656094217618931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214103366804968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25731411735460363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594224616889934,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheNakedFerret,2019/02/27,PTSD and cbd oil- has anyone any experience with cbd oil for pain and anxiety? My mom has ptsd and suffers a lot from pain in her body. I'm looking for ways to make it easier for her whitout so many side effects.,3.779924242424244,4.49858865909091,4.879999999999999,86.19833333333334,71.5,8.593939393939394,28.303030303030305,8.841846274778883,1.9154484848484843,167,6,37,3,3,55,35,44,0.223,0.723,0.055,-0.8225,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,2,0,7,5,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,7,5,1,3,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575728329510699,0.0,0.17725986384120954,0.0,0.0,0.16201916570046196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573809840973799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22665984409554535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19458061984273708,0.0,0.0,0.19699416544028894,0.0,0.0,0.1546702730857024,0.2349206835364785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713795463523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.493118085590785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5417203566025236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392304911001608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Fluffybunnykitten,2019/03/13,"I need some guidance A little background on me I’m bipolar II, have complex ptsd, and ocd. From when I was a kid my parents fought constantly and there was uncertainty they would stay together. Fast forward through my life I ended up with abandonment issues and shutdown when things get hard in relationships. My most recent one I’ve been dealing with tuning out conversations and spacing out. Plus I tend to talk about myself a lot out of nervousness of needing a conversation starter. My boyfriend and I have talked about this and apparently I don’t get it and am not listening. Any advice on how I could be a better active listener and not get stuck in my head so much? It’s really wearing on my relationships and everyone around me. ",5.218732581287323,7.317235518248179,5.718367617783681,76.24765096217654,69.72992700729927,9.069409422694095,32.16257465162575,9.573946990214177,3.2824364963503654,594,27,103,14,11,191,95,137,0.08900000000000001,0.856,0.055999999999999994,-0.5204,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,8,4,1,1,5,0,10,4,2,1,0,28,21,14,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,4,16,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,5,3,17,1,20,13,4,21,0,1,0,0,13,13,0,3,8,77,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737074421275536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088458493077273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824629869394913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572164714810995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19209809404451228,0.0,0.14192887889762273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832653155939165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744479822167828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16985967141192254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786206832160406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924026965318547,0.0,0.18243559317575325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855378492685537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255588995887841,0.0,0.17816470895938186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112730714455058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067587943512474,0.2636172590960397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045645976283538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973842018335402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20779483122189307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387919919003213,0.0,0.1755190076336996,0.3817007643652392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18947115601116976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28575750241033754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809749565206272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262773684575955,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,opossumdemon,2019/03/13,"New Here! Have a question :) Hey all! Just found this Subreddit today. My finance suffers from suspected PTSD due to childhood sexual abuse along with some other diagnosed mental illnesses (Narcissistic Personality Disorder, OCD, Bipolar Disorder, and one diagnosis of Antisocial Personality Disorder but we’re not as sure about that one), and I had a question regarding his behavior I’m hoping someone might be able to help shed some light on. I’ve been especially concerned lately because there are some days where he seems like a completely different person. Some days he’s relatively cheerful and alert and seems normal and we have normal conversations. But some days he is so out of it that he can barely walk or stand without assistance. His speech can get slurred, he can sometimes fall, his driving skills suffer greatly. It’s like he’s heavily intoxicated, even though I know he couldn’t possibly be. Worst of all, he seems to have no idea he’s even like that. Whenever I ask him if he’s okay he just tells me he’s tired, and when I try to explain how he’s acting he has no idea what I’m talking about. It’s very scary for me and I don’t know what I can do to help other than keep him from falling and be comforting and get him to bed when necessary. I can’t discern any specific causes other than sometimes these days correlate to when he is tired or upset, but not always. Another note is that on the days where he is like this he seems more likely to wet the bed at night, which happens from time to time. Has anyone else watched someone experience this or experience it themselves? Is it potentially a symptom of PTSD or could it be because of any number of things? Any ideas on what I can do to help? I’m going to ask my therapist some questions about it during our next session, but I also wanted to hear from people who have experiences PTSD themselves or are close to people who have. Sorry, I know I just wrote a whole wall of text so I hope this all makes sense. If you have any clarification questions please don’t hesitate to ask, I’ll answer as best I can. 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I was diagnosed with PTSD a year and a half ago, and today, another therapist told me I might have bipolar disorder. I have to undergo a three hour psych evaluation to see if I have it at all, and which type I could potentially have. I just feel sick to my stomach. I’m devastated. I feel like I’m never going to live a normal life. Can anyone please help me? I need advice or words of encouragement or basically anything. Help?",1.8569130869130888,4.529798087912091,4.234165834165837,79.44037962037963,84.60439560439559,8.144255744255744,24.756243756243755,8.841846274778883,2.469738461538462,370,15,70,11,11,128,62,91,0.133,0.7,0.168,0.3313,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,8,6,1,0,2,18,16,7,0,4,4,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,3,11,2,7,12,1,7,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,4,6,44,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902258718388996,0.1533259310548691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813723077541732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12094343294777612,0.0,0.14233814465242245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381010854432472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17555914852575555,0.0,0.0,0.3964732350539307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749159043000003,0.12356856343152935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830185133701183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34781094704362786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17033889971043273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217260119963652,0.08450355755711865,0.0,0.15273414735910307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18349199574364736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825377719286202,0.1334037895063787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947217554667265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898672141200819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043812924350584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783331332403584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008294877695562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163953691042431,0.16527859007426235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111385891992524 ptsd,Mungadai82,2019/03/13,"CBD advice? Has anyone here used CBD for anxiety? I just got out of a week long stay in the hospital because my PTSD and Agoraphobia w/Panic disorder flared up rather severely. I get all my care via the Veterans Affairs medical system and they won't prescribe me benzo's for chronic anxiety due to the dependency issue from taking it all the time. a couple of my fellow patients recommended CBD (as did one of the charge nurses off the record) as a way to deal with the acute panic attacks I have, and that it may help lessen the overwhelming anxiety I have some days. I'm leaning towards a vape pen, or edibles, but I don't really know a lot about either. I don't want to get high so marijuana suggestions aren't helpful. Just seeking testimonials, advice, etc. Thanks!",5.5930612244897935,6.745833510204086,7.0001428571428574,71.05735714285714,67.63945578231292,10.505850340136057,32.387074829931976,10.577609850970193,3.73440462585034,614,26,107,17,10,210,105,147,0.11900000000000001,0.816,0.065,-0.5835,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,6,5,1,2,13,0,9,2,0,2,2,20,19,8,0,2,6,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,11,2,18,15,6,14,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,5,5,71,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075818319933468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611881596544105,0.0,0.0,0.11004447184674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790436359976297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593801197372287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046044370165022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741391105307758,0.0,0.10149774120295163,0.1622529260140271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037228929874052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552144447179224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445017961464015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587198258050128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21097836697732705,0.16628169354245942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16426490104039992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649249537288146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13927725447557165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379971930508536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15854482518475596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664545547242513,0.0,0.0,0.3693054459853606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396999599777106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100822314472528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779576132133162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16774723224874638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833094435605365,0.0,0.0,0.14489530284870278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177014119847146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359266746517286,0.0,0.0,0.09282740604185384,0.12492173202010284,0.12624156503525294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Psy_Ren,2019/03/13,"im leaving this sub i absolutely have real ptsd, but this sub is hypersensitive, and panders to a lot of tweenyboppers who dont actually know what real trauma feels like. peace. ",4.48,6.988797606060608,6.578787878787877,67.48818181818183,72.93939393939394,9.248484848484848,29.181818181818183,9.725611199111238,3.289654545454546,143,6,24,4,3,50,29,33,0.098,0.69,0.212,0.6486,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.2686775694540493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226789522463935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921263692413904,0.19669229765095647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2973983407163674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131146781569368,0.0,0.0,0.2915295140484937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450993063295988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340715438270029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3218402938712977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6267604522243783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,orangejuicechurch,2019/03/13,"Fear So I went to this service today and they told me they are completely confidential. And idk why but I kinda word vomited and told them my whole life story and the trauma that happened to me. They where very understanding. I think I did it because I don’t have anyone else to say all this too so as soon as they said confidential it just came all out. But now I’m sitting by myself feeling intense fear that they will know my abuser or tell people my story and I can’t get the feeling to go away, I sometimes feel like I’m losing my mind. I’m just terrified of it happening again.",2.8454621848739485,4.589937285714289,4.321588235294119,85.27414705882354,75.30252100840336,7.1129411764705885,24.50504201680673,7.908726449838941,1.3047640336134458,463,15,94,7,10,154,77,119,0.195,0.742,0.063,-0.9640000000000001,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,6,1,9,5,0,2,2,0,6,2,0,0,2,23,24,12,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,6,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,6,5,20,1,10,17,3,11,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,2,5,65,27,1,0.0,0.19852593980448105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715874346735475,0.17168047209991322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15742396428503172,0.0,0.0,0.10214031422906396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916389234187038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756788168638435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997117018529706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37709317661263203,0.2541633769701209,0.11970172559890364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754086454004277,0.0,0.09522568611172187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963376568324723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920841538624094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183494472896955,0.08185918309585538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745181267487446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918335095779247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616192814556027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938370747135028,0.13324690656176408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657167333017146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464509448184276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736283730099344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882307919654035,0.32021303618060803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443124720539538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825088490216195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532568285962492,0.1511928313701838,0.1870697990730654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CPTSDheal,2019/03/13,"Has anyone else been put on seroquil for PTSD? My psych has me on a super low dose to sort of even me out. I think it’s working? I sleep now, at least. Does anyone have experience with this?",-0.238500000000002,1.9622421500000016,1.6900000000000013,97.195,90.0,4.2,15.5,5.6839178017228535,-0.8604000000000003,146,3,34,1,5,48,35,40,0.052000000000000005,0.8390000000000001,0.11,0.5171,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,8,4,1,7,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,1,23,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382726244903996,0.3211149627169975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742581332381331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618051811352684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20699750369348388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3065649804727276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663474031013762,0.3150531955239351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136259692536605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2008138320882273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281586674229637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hp5log,2019/03/13,"PTSD and constant ringing in the ears I was diagnosed with PTSD and panic disorder back in October. I experienced a tramtic event that put me into a black hole and iIam just now starting to feel better. BUT even on my best days, i still experience constant ringing in my ears. It can be a real low frequency to very loud but it is always there. I've been to the ear, nose and throat doctor to make sure it was nothing serious and everything checked out fine but they diagnosed me with Tinnitus. Does anyone else with PTSD or Panic disorder have this all the time? Did anyone else's tramatic event set off the ringing? I appreciate any feedback! ",3.9978315946348735,6.35217292622951,4.9846348733233965,79.07936661698959,73.8360655737705,8.698658718330849,29.943368107302533,9.339509955726095,3.020547540983608,515,23,92,13,11,168,83,122,0.10400000000000001,0.78,0.11599999999999999,0.1742,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,6,8,0,2,7,0,8,8,5,1,2,20,11,9,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,5,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,4,11,9,4,14,6,2,20,0,1,1,0,1,8,0,1,10,60,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135819026739,0.0,0.0,0.09100973242695216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871556237491248,0.27425154017938475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290784952982172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044747526272838,0.11836272599023565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28924773408835336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630998334210457,0.0,0.0,0.2716714843160667,0.0,0.0,0.3067640540615073,0.13698179447891454,0.1171164912573218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22359741055283305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08839417466083227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027875680824095,0.13091248901690966,0.0,0.0,0.06766902173813052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08933329371760729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841454306970834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31404390396638737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693241574193646,0.13453721274742464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232908306048262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09472633637034472,0.0,0.10687768365630894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613422122016546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803798650360821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042466755774936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ssriresearch,2019/03/13,"Antidepressant survey Hello! We are conducting a quick anonymous survey regarding your experience using antidepressants. Your participation is so helpful ! https://norwichcla.az1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_9YqjhPexsVTPTjn",18.84625,25.318981125,12.832,11.613000000000026,71.08333333333333,15.253333333333336,46.46666666666666,10.355215969177356,10.419226666666667,193,10,10,8,5,54,22,24,0.0,0.8190000000000001,0.18100000000000002,0.637,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,8,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6667997163113458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4569060541010041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5887401770330939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JainaChevalier,2019/03/13,"Anger Hi. My PTSD was caused by 15 years of physical, verbal, and emotional abuse from family. I've left home and I've been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for the past 2-3 years. I've also been avoiding my family for those years. I only show up when I absolutely *have* to, like birthdays and special events. If it hadn't been for therapy, they would never see me again. My question is, how do I deal with all of this anger? I feel like I could destroy the people I'm mad at, and it's such BS that I'm not supposed to hurt people. The person who did all this to me is being protected by my family, and is going to get away with it scot-free. So I'm just supposed to keep all of this fury inside of me so other people aren't hurt? But they're allowed to hurt me? They're allowed to just get away with it?",0.9520433436532514,2.920379450292401,3.1691984864121103,90.25687306501548,81.98245614035088,6.3627106983144115,19.415548675610594,7.510576382923642,0.4939113175094602,630,16,139,10,17,215,98,171,0.145,0.74,0.115,-0.8643,2,1,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,9,11,4,1,5,0,15,0,0,4,4,28,25,13,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,11,9,0,3,2,1,0,1,4,8,0,0,6,3,14,3,24,16,3,14,0,3,2,0,6,5,0,2,10,91,25,0,0.0,0.16237230254699914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959239862023497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575108480253139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1407798335137026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094168465860171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14128423388267486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415374941652493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38757286465247387,0.0,0.06929252802329591,0.09790279710291216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319752629123042,0.0,0.07788409882761871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746425046712735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4401187284120362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180918265432032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488964806286516,0.0,0.0,0.13390354990366266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569520089986008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10422657900379184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308220487509087,0.28502290068294583,0.11965974556857754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019470699527952,0.0,0.15351834852819185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184093839670236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671941417487756,0.15911626749856514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735066999139178,0.0,0.0,0.2647515698419575 ptsd,LessChange,2019/03/13,Recent rape brought back my childhood abuse memories ***TW*** I seriously can’t cope right now. How do I turn it off without overdosing on drugs? Because right now Xanax is my only fix. ,0.21823529411764755,0.3999531764705893,1.700705882352942,88.92517647058827,134.88235294117646,4.889411764705884,23.988235294117647,6.2581,1.5705388235294122,144,7,26,3,10,46,30,34,0.275,0.725,0.0,-0.8909999999999999,0,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,3,4,0,10,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,5,15,5,0,0.0,0.36928021880773787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23965644123786725,0.0,0.18999228828608966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614404373709097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370405130453916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077383860999051,0.0,0.0,0.5323321737545765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33900951208794394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30044057514070144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jessay92,2019/03/13,"[TW: DV & Police] Sharing a poem I wrote about PTSD :) Hi! Long time commenter, first time poster. My PTSD has been in high gear lately, so to cope, I wrote a poem about it. I feel like it's such a difficult disorder to properly describe, and sometimes it's easier to convey through art. I'd like to share with y'all, because I think there might be parts we can all relate to. **Here's the poem -** [**An abuser survivor's take: PTSD is...**](https://medium.com/one-survivor-story/poem-an-abuse-survivors-take-ptsd-is-1b7c8c5095d) &#x200B; Some teasers: >PTSD is being wary of stepping outside somedays, because your startle response is so revved up that the sound of someone dumping a bag of trash on the sidewalk can sound like an outright bomb. > >PTSD is constantly feeling like you have to explain yourself in an alien language. > >PTSD is having an anxiety attack anytime you receive a call from “No Caller ID” or “Scam Likely” because cops and DAs *never* reveal their numbers when you’re a suspect. > >PTSD is invigorated exhaustion.",3.406081560283688,6.537392090425531,3.4075531914893635,84.5841666666667,82.88297872340425,5.048226950354612,30.705673758865245,6.6274283507984215,1.9968609929078016,835,43,134,9,24,254,127,188,0.172,0.705,0.122,-0.8718,0,0,0,0,2,0,75.0,1,4,1,1,8,13,2,1,13,0,14,1,0,0,2,17,21,6,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,1,0,2,2,5,0,1,3,4,11,8,18,15,3,15,0,0,0,0,16,5,0,3,13,75,15,0,0.0,0.1050301425878392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920942132521451,0.10771369859962024,0.0,0.0,0.06781338441032463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084678516937012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621119906750314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051672578957363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579403869438458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015951525339799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896434180509577,0.12665638878269628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540161636632461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365858849346337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999571903043353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165379919911016,0.0,0.0,0.0784482692323318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940386167243015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836869248774337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06006832511745719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09599418261169244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8289725601525522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510884461446546,0.0,0.08767243285694369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330041314086818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05680030590190814,0.0,0.0,0.10337953273611504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771369859962024,0.0 ptsd,baxstreetboy,2019/05/11,"Living next to an airport. Can’t get out of the lease. Pretty self explanatory, I wasn’t aware of how loud and consistent the noise would be. It’s not your typical passenger jet hum, it’s a roar like the whole complex is about to get carpet bombed. It has been triggered several times already two months into the lease. I’m walking around with ear plugs. Anyone versed in this sort of law who can give me some advice? I seriously can’t live here anymore.",2.6719725343320846,5.123022314606743,3.513857677902621,87.48317103620475,78.66292134831461,6.652184769038702,23.372034956304606,7.793537801064563,1.2230289637952567,362,12,71,6,9,115,73,89,0.02,0.912,0.068,0.6124,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,0,9,1,1,2,0,13,13,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,2,2,4,1,11,9,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,4,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23019530959008794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599562596421802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23362115802104524,0.16471532860878454,0.0,0.0,0.20970636187590827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461501692945018,0.2259792590752757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508711893139688,0.0,0.41602350220867895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802893582539376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505303139447386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396583711241436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457498524723111,0.2661259285434948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736218376360526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301166926456501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630043863152656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734146545645864,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Goatision,2019/05/11,"My brain won’t work? I don’t know if this makes any sense or if this is even the right sub to post this on, but I’m having trouble with getting my brain to function and I think it might have something to do with my ptsd. I’m in my senior year of high school and Ive been pushing myself pretty hard for the past two years. About a month ago I had a sort of breakdown/burnout and I stopped going to school for about a week and a half. This obviously put me behind a lot with my grades, but I pushed through and got my grades back up. All my grades but one. I have about a 30 in one of my english classes, and there’s a big 10 page research/analysis paper that’s due next week. However, this past weekend, my dad who is a pedophile and the source of my ptsd got married to a 1st grade teacher. I had to sit right there through all of it, smiling for photos, talking with ignorant family members and standing beside him as he married someone who I know will ultimately become his victim. I dissociated through most of the event and never really processed it until a few days later when it started to settle it. I haven’t been able to properly get it out of my head all week and I feel an enormous amount of guilt. That was exactly a week ago, and with this new project coming up I really haven’t been able to focus on it. I thought that I would cram this weekend to get it done or at least close to completion but it took me an hour just to write one paragraph. It was like I hit some sort of road block. I kept pushing and pushing myself to focus but I couldn’t get my hands to move, I couldn’t make my brain work. I just sat there staring and staring, pushing and pushing but it wouldn’t move. It was like I was pushing against some immovable object. I don’t know if this is exactly ptsd related but it’s really coincidental that something that triggered my ptsd happened last week and now i’m on the verge of another mental breakdown. Does anyone have advice or experience with this sort of problem? any and all help would be appreciated.",3.384141949152543,4.828172150121066,4.329151785714283,87.01215382869252,73.26150121065376,7.099546004842615,27.434095036319608,7.645422480735847,1.4597288740920091,1610,60,334,20,32,521,193,413,0.061,0.882,0.057,0.3466,1,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,2,19,7,1,1,18,0,32,5,5,3,8,76,57,32,0,9,15,1,3,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,29,25,0,4,6,2,0,13,9,5,0,5,16,5,42,2,53,31,12,63,0,0,2,0,9,17,0,14,32,227,71,12,0.17234670160392473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420760107079467,0.15277495216695147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172016671108928,0.09036027190872704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025441051093696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626198760320827,0.0,0.0,0.09517169566443927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28859387619953064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742307114059497,0.09035111879924927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557468232382325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541087999876069,0.08818525661876718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691668548446871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429407245391722,0.08123656590426827,0.0,0.043571835384956216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18008807648053402,0.0,0.04897430112640374,0.0,0.1378414014434785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620280952231392,0.0,0.07719439614748796,0.0,0.08843871893512162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057760180586279776,0.09104687636753812,0.0,0.0,0.084863392240285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420758599188271,0.07024278230751971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419989283551821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732615012636419,0.0,0.0,0.11504276161469044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868424694199624,0.09141630733917516,0.0,0.0,0.0687827464684041,0.1831772686651061,0.0,0.0,0.0664622005570396,0.08322675918467233,0.09164633619323713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517987806177235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452442811672094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08253024955397831,0.08766927764442739,0.0,0.08245625875224505,0.4029281425779685,0.0866280187951712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656145653554822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718314148337286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744240631744345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301440049140967,0.13268091099271676,0.0,0.0,0.06099394122943143,0.0,0.0,0.0720447798576639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926287518610427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055216403666496695,0.0,0.06841201488006689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574176346975756,0.0,0.0,0.0841788422559152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34561532058471217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254704514069665,0.0,0.0,0.12243015195098834,0.0,0.0,0.11098562522435554 ptsd,mashedpotatoes2001,2019/05/11,"Here to help how I can Bit of backstory. I suffer from anxiety, depression, ptsd, and panic disorder all medically diagnosed. This stems from a traumatic 2.5 yrs in my life where I (17m) was sexually and physically abused by a classmate. I’ve been to in patient treatment, and in currently in outpatient. While I’m still struggling I’ve been in it a minute and I want to help anyone struggling as much as I possibly can. My councilor at inpatient (shout out Mose u the og) said it’s everyone’s purpose in life to help others. I took that to heart and I want to do my part in that. My dms are ALWAYS open and I’m just open in general. Ik this is kinda weird but I thought I’d try and give back to the kind of people who helped ME throughout life.",2.6562353540499224,4.470441337748348,4.490993377483446,83.55266938359654,76.01986754966887,8.619663779928679,27.50942435048395,9.265573868473778,2.4304035659704533,586,24,121,15,13,199,96,151,0.136,0.809,0.055,-0.8626,1,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,3,5,0,8,6,1,1,1,19,16,12,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,8,10,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,6,2,13,1,24,10,4,18,0,2,0,0,7,13,0,1,4,76,21,0,0.0,0.18528154013813133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011844819894394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962821334852558,0.0,0.0,0.10934265039449398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024449801275187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17072352004156668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13468754708519595,0.15871967690131378,0.0,0.0,0.17922194398928346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14942522013566886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001136403134294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530786407231573,0.41926565567657853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16284290331721513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313617538835562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753368707313664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149553151063324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347507871816926,0.0,0.16934138677114133,0.0,0.10841233630940633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629191975597233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18279670589428748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875063088632515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488312095467835,0.0,0.0,0.32695903300601736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241461158176345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737409441475797,0.10616992792334692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844707768691581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Projected000,2019/05/11,Am I doing something wrong All I want is some support. I don't know how to get it and I keep reaching and getting rejected. Do I just not know what it means to have support? .. Someone please explain this to me... I'm all alone.,-0.6358358662613988,1.5605388510638318,1.3392097264437697,97.42000000000002,96.65957446808511,3.5367781155015194,23.7355623100304,5.288315135182226,0.22316048632218832,174,8,38,1,7,57,34,47,0.161,0.632,0.207,0.1027,0,2,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,2,14,17,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,3,17,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714355926145087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273851715691599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23294853284710576,0.0,0.0,0.28806436463390306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854816903483974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876848758022146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22205933047352375,0.20176180358507692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5948100125456326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458143291379708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2865430759855128,0.0,0.0 ptsd,memeflake,2019/05/11,"How to go about writing a character with high-functioning PTSD? Hey everyone! I've been working on a fanfic where the protagonist is battling PTSD post-series. I'm not entirely confident in my ability to write a more nuanced portrayal of this disorder. One of my past attempts at writing a flashback scene was embarrassingly over-the-top, to say the least. It may have been that I was drawing too heavily on my own experiences with GAD instead of researching PTSD more thoroughly, or just inexperience at writing emotional scenes in general. Research has definitely helped out, but I still have some questions. &#x200B; First of all, the character in question is more than likely a less severe case. He joins MSF (Doctors Without Borders) at the end of the series and devotes his life to volunteer work. MSF is known for working in war-torn and politically unstable nations. Not exactly the ideal career choice for someone recovering from trauma. He'd have to be in control of his symptoms, if not in remission. There's enough wiggle room in the timeline for him to get maybe two years of therapy, so it might be possible? If someone is higher-functioning to begin with, has a good therapist, and is willing to put in the work? But I don't really know what high-functioning PTSD looks like. This [piece](https://themighty.com/2017/08/high-functioning-ptsd/) written by a woman with C-PTSD is the only useful thing I've found on the subject, but her experience is completely different from what I'm trying to write. The author was traumatized in childhood, but she's been treated for it. The protagonist of this fic has the opposite profile: He was traumatized in adulthood, probably for a shorter period of time than this person, but he hasn't been treated for it. There *could* be some elements of C-PTSD, since his trauma is the culmination of several incidents, but by a certain point, he was in his situation partially by choice, and had more control than the typical C-PTSD survivor. (The focus of the fic is primarily going to be on the incident that is freshest on his mind, however.) The difference in age, duration, and degree of control would be mitigating factors for the protagonist. Trying to gauge what would be too much and what would be too little of a reaction to a trigger isn't something easy to figure out right off the bat. Obviously the character has to be affected *somehow*, but where's the benchmark? What's believable given his past circumstances and what's not? Second, the character is actively trying to hide his PTSD symptoms, but ends up having the flashback during a party. Does anyone have any experience that could help with this? Third, the flashback itself doesn't happen immediately. It starts off with another character saying something that inadvertently triggers some intrusive thoughts about the focus incident. It gets intense enough that he excuses himself to the bathroom, thinking he just needs a few minutes alone to refocus. Then other things start to trigger him (more sensory), and it ends with him slamming the bathroom door in a panic. Can it happen like this? Triggers building on each other? (And for the record, yes, he is a doctor. He'll be able to recognize what's happening to him.) Any advice is appreciated. (And whoever guesses the source material gets an upvote! <3)",7.451689419795219,9.090440337883962,7.722817406143348,65.78709300341298,63.709897610921495,11.320750853242323,38.19948805460751,11.20814326018867,5.016084095563142,2682,138,404,80,40,874,287,586,0.076,0.8420000000000001,0.081,0.6458,2,1,2,0,0,0,108.0,0,0,0,10,16,14,1,2,47,1,55,5,0,10,4,81,79,24,0,9,18,0,0,3,0,7,5,2,2,2,31,20,0,3,8,0,0,3,9,5,0,5,14,3,21,9,87,46,17,53,0,0,1,0,38,34,0,12,19,302,52,9,0.06066873687323888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928478751895501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062834514666956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573455105502378,0.07371915582514939,0.082513642986873,0.06361646041620607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04242099144016235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835289099169525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361001634056887,0.0,0.20413544151222887,0.0968780994664637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267718347002381,0.06953162854959925,0.124194045888515,0.05309162047717447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824416319365452,0.16120348030367487,0.1253740459313563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057971577983981025,0.0,0.17803699823973815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05160479659173839,0.0,0.06652013854686205,0.0,0.0,0.09509073301948616,0.0,0.06895888255330307,0.050886058080547934,0.0,0.0,0.06683345351974668,0.0,0.1609474909662742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132995096808905,0.1922995543541064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0333419511609931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04285212304127379,0.08891904101998731,0.060806012596037115,0.0,0.0,0.050946459161693484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060949900621641885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643599424215178,0.0612581295291741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04459850223616358,0.04498509966073301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041110706224557904,0.04614130823008456,0.0,0.07118169091114786,0.0,0.0,0.11583034831234792,0.0,0.05297360093544245,0.0,0.0,0.057351566213958725,0.06839488517935607,0.05810387953672365,0.0,0.06541115951832623,0.0,0.6382665612411138,0.06098883737516854,0.13592573998145227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03886594635278963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051810769801399516,0.0,0.09649242925278924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370768079947451,0.0,0.05018580607497135,0.06819420216595068,0.0,0.0,0.1028088477504055,0.09341151530265727,0.0,0.0,0.08588328843830692,0.0,0.04845013163597082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611609451151315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693799879473952,0.07044107955231632,0.08061122598434356,0.03887407689214454,0.0,0.04816420031368171,0.03537642835584362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12357026980934825,0.0,0.059264540412901086,0.0,0.0,0.05239830956634765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05848249737687825,0.0,0.17667025201954684,0.0,0.0,0.12929199001095396,0.0,0.07371915582514939,0.039068677443694085 ptsd,Jack-Tao,2019/05/11,"Psilocybin effective? I have heard about Psilocybin (hallucinative mushroom) being effective against PTSD. Does anyone have experience with this (could you please elaborate?!?!). Thank you so much for your input (in advance)!",9.06375,13.574947875000005,7.442500000000003,55.95250000000002,70.25,11.95,39.25,10.686352973137794,6.704787500000001,180,10,20,7,4,54,28,32,0.0,0.685,0.315,0.9084,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,0,4,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,5,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679733011563053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059893609558436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3353796391834564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37488643025202056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2817286316306303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206871171837773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44799203734554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528398289782854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,123qwe806,2019/05/11,"A night that still haunts me So me and my girlfriend had decided to take acid around 5pm one night. We felt like having a little bit of fun, but only took one tab each so that I could still drive and we could just cruise around all night tripping. So skip ahead some time and at this point it was around 3am. We were driving on some back roads in a country area. We felt this was a good place to stay because it wasn't populated and no one else was on the road. There was also no police that came by this area usually. We took a turn on a road and started heading down it. This was a road we haven't been on before. It was very dark, no street lights. When we turn a corner I see blinking lights from a car and then I see that the car was smashed into a tree. I was tripping balls at this point, but I felt I couldn't not go and see if anyone was hurt or not. I pull up behind the car and my girlfriend begs me to not go. She is tripping harder then me and thinks that I am going to be attacked or something and I was going to get killed. I calmed her and just reassured her I was going to check and I'll run back to the car if anything happens and to leave it on. I walk up to the car and I can smell gasoline and burnt rubber. My heart starts to beat fast as I approach the door. When I open the door I instantly felt sick. Already tripping the sight I had to just behold almost had me at my breaking point I tried not to cry. There was a mother and her daughter in the front seat. The mothers head was bashed in part of her skull had con caved into the rest of her head and there was blood dripping all over. There was a strong metallic smell. I immediately went over to the daughter to see if she was still breathing and to my horror when I checked her pulse there was none. I felt like I couldn't hold myself together. I grabbed my phone and dialed 911. I began to break down and I could only say that there had been a crash on the road that we were on and I hung up and took off. By my reaction my girlfriend already knew what must have happened. What haunts me the most is that the car must have been sitting there for a long time. Just sat there maybe the girl was still alive for awhile and no one was there to help her. Maybe if someone had seen it earlier she would've lived. By the way that the blood was coagulated when I came it must have been there for at least an hour. I'll never forget this night ever.",2.424881889763782,3.7221634960629935,3.090952755905512,95.52205905511812,75.45669291338584,5.867401574803151,21.361417322834647,5.985473137389443,-0.07955212598425243,1888,44,440,10,40,591,214,508,0.065,0.8490000000000001,0.086,0.7701,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,8,0,0,3,32,10,2,0,33,0,51,9,8,0,7,82,84,42,1,12,16,4,6,2,3,3,1,1,2,1,24,40,0,1,8,2,2,29,14,3,0,4,48,18,60,7,57,27,11,104,0,1,6,0,30,42,0,10,30,310,84,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07555347926355993,0.0,0.16652455383843984,0.06033829847179724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05275723432219909,0.0,0.0620899098643702,0.2015026973953376,0.0,0.0858366340417426,0.0,0.11603463304989355,0.0,0.04599435203935308,0.0,0.0642034151180207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237317020072099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725921478642638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807249343093845,0.0,0.08287960178394738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302979705373629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06824993129741365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36222492819395546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039420138579702384,0.0,0.21440328254664748,0.06328488794693353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344249637124544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232304100817736,0.0,0.0,0.0894100369008585,0.05057334983187295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430423485737604,0.0,0.08077207158006319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347557528482444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989192795206136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372329159906357,0.07562192550951473,0.06662479313535684,0.06677193889715563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160174620371406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581926179116843,0.0,0.0,0.2832233651058773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451074694936824,0.11476807719881375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170629841236338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788304464567926,0.0,0.21397731982027604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600018237148978,0.0,0.0,0.24049935515163345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063929558068135,0.05808602102293434,0.0,0.0,0.10680949734265403,0.08042094155327291,0.2410217074974164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056729913408588566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04834608324868998,0.0,0.0,0.0879924045568034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25148718277864784,0.051226412979880134,0.1641384814543952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830988386380755,0.06225514301514396,0.0,0.05988965167917034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994401957856566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05359836864895,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,empyrean-seraphim,2019/05/11,"I'm waiting for an event and no anxiety My abuser is a kinkster, and I'm usually anxious to all hell when even thinking about going to kink events, let alone going to one. Events are the biggest trigger for me and I know for sure he's going to the one tonight. Now, I'm sitting waiting for the event to start and I'm not anxious at all, I'm actually looking forward to seeing all my friends and the cool people around. Feels good, y'all. I count this as a success :)",1.8602083333333328,3.8423204375,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,79.0,5.5166666666666675,28.375,6.42735559955562,1.2211749999999997,366,17,76,3,9,120,59,96,0.16699999999999998,0.6729999999999999,0.16,0.0516,0,1,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,5,6,1,0,7,1,3,0,0,1,4,17,19,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,2,3,0,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,4,6,5,14,18,3,17,1,0,2,0,3,4,1,0,10,46,7,1,0.0,0.2479801322669145,0.20424154882159765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21676630887997309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010996101881406,0.47288713630656504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631675890340546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382372517541409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582574733983388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16170065530374073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3568412006075713,0.17554656134509886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115022957085489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401812904165046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575493280275514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836471671971955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450986724167401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678087048990606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481399476698444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725788673889447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341076668402737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23050867036246755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,G1bs0nNZ,2019/05/11,"Foggy head and flinching my body when trying to relax Been like this all day, assuming it's hypervigilance at work. It's very unpleasant. I feel ike my brainstem has snapped.",4.656770833333333,7.333481968750004,5.16375,77.03958333333338,73.0625,8.016666666666666,29.416666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.7019041666666674,141,6,24,3,3,45,29,32,0.098,0.747,0.155,0.2516,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,2,2,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,13,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5033865247066686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922669227443769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22914402231007894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465098695193849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140336701388685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076829606434284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373925199988195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299241776533039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Zoeymm22,2019/05/11,"Questions about emdr So I was recently diagnosed with ptsd after seeing the very brutal dead body of a loved one. My therapist suggested emdr and I have done 4 sessions and one session of the actual therapy. I was completely dissociated for about 15 minutes of the emdr and I was wondering if this would continue every session? My flashbacks and dissociation was way worse the following days, and I was wondering if that would continue also?",6.748076923076925,8.985642525641023,8.23897435897436,59.14769230769232,66.05128205128204,12.37948717948718,37.358974358974365,11.855464076750405,5.834882051282051,359,19,50,14,6,124,51,78,0.149,0.804,0.047,-0.8601,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,5,0,9,3,1,0,0,13,14,9,1,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,6,1,7,1,8,6,0,7,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,5,5,42,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.19235010165894093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15762811980750155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21894383580396745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20666519855416512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711909835402074,0.0,0.0,0.20006164291489245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20171110010448426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607296409077224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17789870778040212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671325289121668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304100538421576,0.0,0.22080736382371305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462151084989035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707047649507316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254114966433253,0.22885892080434256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626356955758544,0.0,0.15645607233233952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4275129403373967,0.0,0.0,0.20087106815503547,0.2800413763352076,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Draculalia,2019/05/11,"Self image during resurfacing trauma I’m doing well lately, but some of my positive choices are opening me up to dealing with trauma from years past. It’s hard right now to have a good self image, and I wanted to run away during a video interview because I hated seeing myself. I’m taking good care of my body right now, but that doesn’t seem to be helping. Is there anything that actually helps you be more okay with your appearance at times like this? I’m female, if that matters.",4.575243161094225,6.0782563723404275,5.4641641337386035,79.80500000000002,70.38297872340425,7.499088145896658,26.19452887537993,7.957251820313856,1.6897252279635255,385,12,68,5,7,126,70,94,0.11199999999999999,0.613,0.275,0.9574,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,0,4,9,1,0,2,1,7,1,1,0,0,12,17,4,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,2,8,6,12,15,2,14,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,4,7,44,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.19049898535037268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16064303935951274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18340832433264512,0.0,0.0,0.1189995688689671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21683678984131005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19903188765522398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20125524644690426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274695282221832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748718223601889,0.1927316708857625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616932975206657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202079081963316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09537083931939554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18635217064571302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3334203706020245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555588800980504,0.17771389053110612,0.4072978785205821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467753091036007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382982629089147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514123621021816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17551924671529934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257102814930147 ptsd,theycallmejebus,2019/05/11,"I was backed into a corner at work earlier today and pretty much forced to speak about my mental health before I was ready to do so. This is how it went down. (Spoilers: Badly.) I've been diagnosed with PTSD and bulimia. Long story short I had my manager and his second in command sit me down and have a chat about my mental health. I was completely unprepared because they took me by surprise when I stepped into work. Here's what happened during: * I was told ""we want you to feel like you're being supported"", while also being told ""we don't want you to be a safeguarding concern"". * I was told ""your personality is the reason we hired you"" while also being told ""change your personality and be more professional"". * My manager and I have never had a full one to one conversation with each other in my 2 months there. He's making assumptions that I'm unprofessional because of friendly conversations I've had with close colleagues in the past that he overheard parts of. People say worse in front of the kids we work with. I'm not those people because I make a conscious effort to stay detached. Fine, I make effort to be warm and positive, but I never sacrifice my professionalism to do that. * If he spoke to me he would know professionalism is the most important thing to me, hence why I never mentioned my mental illness - I wanted to keep an entirely detached/professional face when I went into work. My mental illness is my business, not theirs. If I wanted to talk to them about it I would have in my own time. * I was probed into talking about issues I didn't want to talk about. They came to me and made me talk about this in depth when I never wanted to. It was none of their business. Eventually I would have gone to them and mentioned it, but that would have been when I trusted them enough to do so. I've only known them for two months, I didn't trust them before this conversation enough to speak about my mental health, and I sure as hell don't trust them moving forward. I understand that the work place should be more tolerant, but part of that is knowing when to back off and mind your own business. I deal with myself. I'm the only person who's ever dealt with myself when my immediate ""support network"" failed me. I don't need their help. I need them to mind their own business and let me get on with my job without making it personal. My manager wrongly told me that I shouldn't make my job personal when he was the one crossing that damn line when he started this conversation. It took me 8 months to get out of unemployment and into this job. Now I have to find a new job because I didn't want colleagues, especially my manager, knowing about my personal business. What really took the piss though was saying that I might be a safeguarding concern because of my mental health. This is so, SO wrong. I'm not a safeguarding concern. I'm the opposite of that. Part of what makes me a damn good youth worker is my experiences - they're the reason I'm even in this job. If they can't see that then god help them because they're losing what could've been an amazing team.",4.607143508665248,6.043068362876259,5.3780130738826415,80.71179917908181,70.22073578595318,8.178838552751596,27.30328367284889,8.643655677312706,1.9653096989966552,2443,82,464,41,44,794,234,598,0.10400000000000001,0.81,0.086,-0.9739,7,0,0,0,0,0,69.0,4,6,15,11,31,22,4,0,21,0,54,9,2,10,6,87,102,39,0,18,10,0,2,1,1,7,7,5,0,7,32,33,0,1,10,2,0,12,17,9,0,5,32,8,89,13,69,54,15,67,2,2,1,0,66,25,4,5,31,337,121,22,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736430911801947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08400374063336519,0.04560809169652112,0.1997867800892943,0.0,0.09296064269072872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247439080671239,0.0,0.0,0.05778410448075352,0.0,0.05727138759401641,0.0,0.0,0.04361218172158306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563141223197461,0.0,0.055441399782032115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288073784356628,0.0,0.03607810947189754,0.049409813055449565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053431972503991926,0.0,0.0,0.027619131956285643,0.039022826114320994,0.0,0.0,0.04992461665030366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042201750032629486,0.0,0.057076736659420486,0.0,0.0,0.045815349894887766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0483031167505776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322476358823599,0.0,0.0,0.07322556120654695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05701243088355985,0.2710254952892248,0.04855161133803517,0.0,0.0,0.09005844918471485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05585592443828416,0.0,0.02668613716157811,0.0,0.0,0.04833981449565772,0.0,0.061109390480607186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516857940572831,0.21876846721600465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302840379977791,0.057946584830548084,0.1103077245182929,0.0,0.13079915506720874,0.05805581874111634,0.040154338178512855,0.08100482366900945,0.16851512185082515,0.05275542845296607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110422851258778,0.08308681241620065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774548129176199,0.05214402664062478,0.07573770052935587,0.28616923616379075,0.057069619682611324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557143338996658,0.0,0.0,0.06385159955072875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034993021631394165,0.11232349738629784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687712460309796,0.0,0.0,0.04352761955984815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038662583213816826,0.05822106502312376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397152364999828,0.05148172103868392,0.0,0.0,0.17561624132062514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0362892279657674,0.0,0.05366701820329377,0.0,0.03185122810237833,0.0,0.0517764081630281,0.2609740496199057,0.1820651603704332,0.0,0.0,0.053358930870196865,0.056864679222825065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255272566615925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127251019971638,0.04928894331949861,0.0,0.0,0.05265481707793706,0.0,0.19883170650301588,0.0,0.055665708988327726,0.15521102071040738,0.11944379204126457,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SneakyShooty,2019/05/11,"I was diagnoaes yesterday and I'm just scared. Hey guys. I'm new to the sub because I was looking for information from other people who struggle with this. As the title says, I was just diagnosed yesterday so it's kinda still sinking in. It's related to a vaguely abusive (the whole thing is quite complicated) relationship that I was in most of high school up to last year. I've been having light symptoms for almost two years now but they've gotten worse as I've been working through the relationship in therapy until the diagnosis. I'm not really asking anything. This just reinforces what everyone has been telling me: that it was worse than I thought it was. But now I'm just scared at everything I will have to deal with to move forward with my life on top of finishing my degrees. It feels like such a big thing and I just feel very small right now.",4.4188322520852665,6.180781216867473,5.241807228915665,80.22483317886935,71.16867469879519,8.963113994439297,30.239110287303056,9.466822959209583,2.8300756255792403,686,29,130,16,13,223,105,166,0.11199999999999999,0.855,0.033,-0.9169,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,11,4,0,3,7,0,14,3,0,0,0,20,24,8,0,0,8,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,14,5,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,3,0,1,11,5,10,1,24,12,2,25,0,0,1,0,10,12,0,3,14,88,24,2,0.0,0.17570246006458914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849359952742686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203215920647452,0.0,0.13863354565137664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903977812647112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288313999452816,0.0,0.1505138486620248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14169991653759245,0.1332758102681844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499623697737922,0.10594024983544774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683297018593355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667925415521505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208782462486902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474343582789862,0.07244826476068784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452841999734154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761154570960662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14322189925737425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280740421690876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772741409250032,0.0,0.0,0.09500002494095708,0.0,0.0,0.3184214711079044,0.0,0.12664105432209188,0.0,0.11792821281670092,0.2969334878114099,0.15008000941499774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184266471226556,0.0,0.0,0.15502760392823836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541327723670609,0.0,0.0,0.12961425246858507,0.0,0.16958549074240575,0.0,0.19703800364259244,0.0,0.0,0.11772774524844674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486030434547376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235691017173535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556337138258492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795876546935967,0.0,0.3022456190238123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909911210122765 ptsd,wellness_healer,2019/06/26,"PTSD Changes personality? I have PTSD from several sexual assaults that happened from 2007-2011 when I was drinking. I’m in recovery now. I have over 3 years. I’m trying to figure out has anyone’s personality changed? I use to be more trusting of people. Now it takes me a very long time to open up to people and become friendly. You would think by now I would go back to normal, but it changed me.",1.679648382559776,4.199040227848101,3.5168776371308006,85.48251758087203,83.43037974683544,6.042756680731365,23.967651195499297,7.3871296695380915,1.2211254571026724,314,12,62,5,9,105,57,79,0.031,0.9059999999999999,0.062,0.2974,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,0,10,14,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,2,13,10,1,14,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,8,40,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196918995248781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162560375696214,0.0,0.0,0.18905306580026499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5432520682404192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676896386928216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225198748920824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09728461501849137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137247121856195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148747473664986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677184623703691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373470629802143,0.2989327078590175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4001967187815579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338283916396892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287048341898902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968419048055947,0.0,0.0,0.09981548673348213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621887982152565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478431547913096,0.0,0.1412400861873862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432004117519893,0.0,0.0,0.11023326085522077 ptsd,pretend-its-good,2019/06/26,"Very alone (Possible TW: Suicide, Sexual assault) It’s difficult to talk/type. Idk how much I’ll be able to say. I’m not doing well. Not well at all. I’ll remember my trauma for the rest of my life. Don’t know if i can live with that. It’s 2.5 years since. Still no help. Don’t know if it will be worth it. Been on a waiting list for therapy for 19 months. Was removed in admin error in April. On a new waiting list. Don’t know how long. NHS. Don’t know if I’ll make it til then. Don’t know what I’m holding on to anymore. Feel so alone. So wrong. Don’t know if my trauma was even real. Maybe it was my fault all along. Maybe I was just over reacting to something I started. Maybe I was wrong to call it what I thought it was. Feel like an imposter. Feel wrong. Feel a burden. Feel unlovable.",-1.492087145969499,0.4599792117647112,0.7479084967320269,100.91484749455336,101.0,3.930283224400872,16.296296296296298,5.82211442006289,-0.650671023965141,606,17,146,6,27,200,94,170,0.26,0.701,0.039,-0.9893,0,2,1,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,0,0,9,13,1,0,5,0,18,1,0,4,2,32,36,10,1,4,7,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,11,2,0,3,13,0,1,1,9,10,2,0,8,6,9,3,19,25,4,17,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,4,10,83,20,0,0.12338768750236387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25558486494578514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236743074166748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12599262451040522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814964038983155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31194261093192793,0.08814818860571445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270416603200834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068638771069966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715237269035403,0.060280991560820577,0.0,0.10895358863181512,0.10919422065550287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236223952892358,0.0,0.3718785495855896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848687497718264,0.0,0.09070414748352168,0.0,0.0,0.11916859746713004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910107831819635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044220138024485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977419694800852,0.0,0.0,0.09812284152102456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206757015513608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498987001631996,0.0,0.0,0.08733444028711543,0.0,0.09853756662576137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349661034955273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917434937186696,0.0,0.0,0.14110457400254672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795604133843816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180776439345088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22188069866036705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4047151996804446,0.0,0.07945762532728044 ptsd,tbabby,2019/06/26,"Is this PTSD? *Sexual Assault TW* For a short while I was dating someone who sexually assaulted me twice. One attack was so loud that neighbors called the police on us. He made me spend the night that night but the next morning, I ghosted. I left a note saying it was over and just abruptly ended things. But sometimes I randomly imagine sitting in his car and being driven around in the passenger seat. I don’t know why i keep vividly remembering the drive to his apartment and that dumb seat. That’s not the spot where he attacked me? But I think I keep imaging it because I wasn’t even supposed to be in his car or visit his place. He just volunteered to take me too a bar with other friends and I jumped into his car on a whim. I never made it to that bar and I should have just took an uber like I’d planned. But now when I lie down and feel like i’m being suffocated like I was that night. Other times I feel his weight on me. The first time he attacked me he talked about how I was “doing such a good job” and I remember that too. It replays in my head at the worst moments. But the main reason i’m asking this question is because we still work together. I see him often. I smelled his cologne the other day and got so anxious and hot that I had to sit in the bathroom for 20 minutes. In hindsight, I’m not sure if he was actually in the room or not. He acts like nothing happens and we are still in close quarters. So are my anxieties just a symptom of consistently seeing him everyday? Or is it something similar to PTSD? Honestly, the driving flashbacks are what appear the most and I don’t have a reason to fear passenger seats.",2.1095227272727257,4.279363054545456,3.4858143939393966,88.43872159090913,79.06060606060606,6.185606060606061,25.76704545454545,7.292943589461545,1.2642499999999997,1288,51,261,17,32,421,178,330,0.11199999999999999,0.81,0.078,-0.8864,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,3,0,0,4,20,16,6,1,22,0,23,5,1,5,2,55,43,26,1,2,16,0,4,4,2,1,1,2,2,0,21,17,3,2,10,2,1,11,7,8,0,4,13,10,41,8,28,26,3,55,0,0,3,0,28,23,1,9,23,185,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.1041818666478463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167072128122277,0.1206078412018064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950385846676507,0.0998057161323236,0.3643630127869421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301591942052166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090133805816012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885104213043422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455722446445004,0.0,0.0,0.07051363941914908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013411251631755,0.10796161663362193,0.07626900439128416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908095717085344,0.0,0.0,0.08248212082664279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954479903850546,0.08538532062858707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440706864156392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956604174331866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059423252934408,0.18978548849825966,0.0,0.0,0.05867222632055453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599450343564892,0.0,0.0,0.2086291860461504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020368305654444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233950387643528,0.0,0.11353993384206207,0.30055966124979044,0.0,0.10243861454599328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234299660983748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154094942868896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24959227259749106,0.0,0.119595067194368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21953308277321348,0.0,0.0,0.24187539209682155,0.0,0.0,0.08489943524905455,0.0,0.0,0.17014699025777982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045697346626966,0.08218867486668416,0.10558787015526114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051654085151433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061956036877806,0.11096399254073447,0.0802698536798156,0.08580923791388399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092626451423753,0.06840717348560256,0.0,0.0,0.12450463986853948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861372687455893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841852725175745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300043034477658,0.0,0.0,0.09633383864776003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772218368797101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,zwadderaar,2019/06/26,"I'm gonna start with EMDR therapy but feel so stupid... I'm diagnosed with PTSD (and several anxiety disorders) but the reason why makes me feel like a joke... I got bullied. A lot. And I feel horrible for having to go to therapy for it and even more horrible for the memories I'll have to share with my therapist because it just sounds like a joke? I mean, one of them is having a random stranger screaming 'well, aren't you ugly!' at me when I was 12. I feel like I'm gonna waste my therapists time for these things that are in no way as traumatic as rape or abuse. Those people deserve it more than me. Actually, it makes me feel really weak for not being able to just shrug it off. She also wants to do EMDR for my low self-esteem and -once again- I feel bad for it. I'm really not looking forward to my next session and kinda wanna cancel it. Please tell me anyone else has experienced this? Also, if anyone has followed EMDR therapy, does it work? My therapist showed me how it works (she uses a light sensor or something) but it made me feel a little dizzy after just a few seconds.",2.5924729632299943,4.426753894977171,4.476952655611633,83.49469358327327,76.26027397260273,7.898197548666188,23.855082912761354,8.6894789155246,1.7182273972602746,849,27,169,18,19,289,130,219,0.239,0.6890000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9935,2,0,1,0,1,0,31.0,0,1,1,2,11,13,2,0,9,0,11,3,0,6,0,38,35,18,0,3,11,0,7,3,0,2,2,2,0,0,15,8,0,0,9,3,0,3,4,6,1,2,3,12,22,7,25,29,4,15,0,1,1,1,6,6,0,6,10,113,37,3,0.11067348395091722,0.1311299810198151,0.10800135549410307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701109026064016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466491229580493,0.0,0.0,0.1547709465303118,0.11339806309495873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240773626450292,0.06746552858233991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233125655164564,0.0,0.0,0.12684140090873774,0.0,0.09685111162089484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245349452971097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309879236309452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917188719619107,0.15813031809628594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289829140074478,0.0,0.08851569533071561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16220842177443448,0.11092390588628248,0.0,0.0,0.09293785268957636,0.0,0.0,0.09409063833383087,0.0,0.10472192648724972,0.1477508198618487,0.0,0.0,0.1205558690661411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770250574510115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786364841595436,0.07499521697741887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672705868036207,0.0,0.0,0.12148625075462935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12937138020621158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418005355509567,0.11379077414426578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545658075078387,0.12502953490977695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520185496263145,0.0,0.0,0.07833526157375495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673350310436828,0.0,0.3796943225629223,0.3855013350751356,0.07352654501347725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453459850436165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955863558683116,0.0,0.0,0.06527808828534498,0.08784746013359163,0.0,0.0,0.0995087534229701,0.0,0.09986560510646582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114322886219978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BigShowSJG,2019/06/26,"I’m afraid I’m losing the ability to keep my brain rational. Over 3 years ago I was hit by a drunk driver and caused significant and permanent spine damage and traumatic brain injury. I suffer every moment I’m awake. In 3 weeks she will be off probation (her only sentencing) and I will suffer until the day I finish dying. As the probation end date approaches, my ptsd has been getting triggered a lot. Everyone thinks I’ve just been becoming an asshole, but I feel my mental health is actually deteriorating. No one really knows what I’m dealing with, and I’m afraid to tell anyone. Honestly, I’m afraid to know how bad I’m deteriorating.",5.152941712204008,6.740819303278693,7.106502732240436,68.2564389799636,69.08196721311475,10.668123861566484,29.12932604735884,10.746095033038511,3.5904233151183966,513,19,88,16,9,180,84,122,0.18,0.763,0.057999999999999996,-0.9161,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,0,3,6,0,8,5,3,3,0,17,22,9,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,4,1,0,1,1,8,0,1,3,1,10,1,10,15,1,13,0,4,0,0,4,3,0,1,9,46,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.1883589983081648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109996776192232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496358597669547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16116305725123248,0.0,0.21317465761322094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4309467593882144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982839958471181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448148363475248,0.19899442800327527,0.0,0.0,0.200323564769314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095781306287713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16262708931483244,0.18443821758579312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759636018798246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008446202832178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20517049522282035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715644269832101,0.0,0.0,0.212156724271518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159392298662047,0.0,0.16409811067328564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194518060812531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079487644524404,0.14679987923366628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256292383915243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365310932323373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870738023814355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236789768645148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482844372406965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429810403195067 ptsd,throwaway722701,2019/06/26,"I don't know where to go from here First time posting here. So I'm sorry if this is long winded. I was 13 when I was abducted and attacked by 2 17 year old boys. I won't go into details. After, I went through a lot of IC. Then at 15 I started having seizures. A lot of testing to rule out epilepsy or the like for 2 years. It was determined that I have PTSD and that I have photogenic Non-Epileptic seizures. I'm now 32, and I still haven't found an effective way to deal with the seizures. Does anyone else have these along with PTSD? And what is it that you do to combat them? It's gotten so bad now that I don't really drive and I'm currently trying to go back to school to get a degree I can use from home. So I don't have a job. My mom asked me to file for disability since my seizures keep me from being able to provide for myself right now. But my claim was declined. When I called the disability office to ask for a more in depth answer she said that in the state of Alabama they don't recognize ptsd as a disability. So it's all very confusing. I don't have insurance either since I don't have a job. And I filed for the coverage that goes along with disability and that failed too. Any suggestions on how you combat any of this or how you LIVE with this would be much appreciated.",2.3003455216370376,3.7328092878228816,3.844349211673936,89.44053253941631,76.0479704797048,7.436497819523653,23.388292519288825,8.150884317080207,1.0710206642066415,1011,30,229,17,22,336,147,271,0.10099999999999999,0.867,0.032,-0.9466,3,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,2,3,17,5,1,1,13,0,26,0,0,4,1,33,43,21,0,2,5,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,1,16,15,0,1,4,0,0,5,8,4,0,1,8,1,28,1,38,31,6,34,0,1,0,0,14,9,0,6,18,157,44,5,0.1289079328691525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753236295847936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013542392084097,0.13208141085917002,0.0,0.0,0.24102303188168586,0.14665138339207884,0.0,0.09912224336455154,0.10763273945778924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316294122303289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328984184597586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280820074902538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076860368075163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964902184585308,0.0,0.14134089477026934,0.0,0.0,0.06734907444541087,0.0,0.2197840468020543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930516717815874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255842465104573,0.11457929369584195,0.0,0.0,0.07084442867119815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629779046086696,0.0,0.11382806642627293,0.11407946409311967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21918582946810095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097541298992334,0.0,0.0,0.09476216299568394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13526719089783115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234581662447826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520594256039153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258172267224947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100866703292774,0.12262096377816185,0.0,0.0,0.1304617101296634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132679483343705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14430187699910824,0.0912416983702754,0.0,0.1029460417064704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516725230613848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875200246792069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133506514481704,0.0,0.10636254494791496,0.0,0.10232111694115263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949894524301947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157249696096738,0.0,0.0,0.16602496471027725 ptsd,sic6n,2019/06/26,"Complex PTSD Has anyone heard of this? My new therapist mentioned it yesterday and I was shocked I never knew this before. It is all starting to make sense now. I am going to start EMDR so I feel more helpful but I just wanted to share this link in case it helps anyone else. https://www.outofthestorm.website/symptoms",3.4648611111111123,6.638408303571433,2.850952380952382,85.70515873015874,90.96428571428572,4.631746031746032,20.50793650793651,6.42735559955562,0.6023198412698414,259,8,42,3,9,76,45,56,0.028999999999999998,0.8240000000000001,0.147,0.7736,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,11,12,3,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,2,6,1,5,9,2,8,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,6,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620069882303599,0.2652364168627898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22027391351709347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21624737624459686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088924748931005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711818687727507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470217173543751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279350713371433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965161762265432,0.25001214166013563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025977727834285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36645007025266974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690584660538145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30056066808809634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268449710608398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LadyA419,2019/06/26,"Stuck I’ve recently started therapy, Background: I lost my oldest brother tragically early this year. One of those that you find all over the news and online. Having now being the oldest, taking my mom in, my sessions seem to center around my frustration to deal with her while she grieves. I mean in a way I do understand she lost a son, it’s just that to relay to her that talking about the details or overhearing her talk about them triggers these visuals of what it all might have looked like, how he passed. She doesn’t think I have ptsd because I’m not on medication. I can’t possibly have it worse than she because he was her son. I can’t watch tv anymore, certain words have me just turning it off the second I hear anything. Music, the same. I can’t seem to get myself into an activity and stay with it for very long. Family isn’t as supportive, they only want to talk about the ugly details of his death. Any suggestions?",3.7354578754578753,5.60315664835165,4.7024395604395615,82.95922710622709,73.17582417582419,7.71047619047619,26.968498168498172,8.447377352677275,1.9445724542124545,738,27,140,13,15,240,121,182,0.14400000000000002,0.812,0.044000000000000004,-0.9623,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,2,2,8,8,1,0,9,0,14,1,0,2,3,26,31,6,2,1,4,4,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,12,6,0,0,6,1,0,1,6,5,0,2,4,3,26,3,24,25,3,20,0,4,2,0,25,8,0,4,10,99,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10218191579546504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490174902085062,0.0,0.0,0.12365113243850948,0.13376320874451594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18319413662750575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15491140625557012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14165170413299005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373348682974495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850461994405762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935387950726924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340941960804641,0.0,0.0,0.13297532365216294,0.1261805105603069,0.0,0.3280529617039766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16367713121817484,0.0,0.15137108727266207,0.0,0.15940205714012032,0.0,0.17598263250488785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182002805034727,0.114279459773923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16939551194823113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564583572676226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836356900924205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735820226240425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635476304005673,0.16015710952963946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051320586357574,0.0,0.0,0.11297677918092615,0.3623197581304984,0.0,0.0,0.17183534333731829,0.0,0.0,0.09628050605525884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634396728301574,0.0,0.15642590280752594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398019180184547,0.08862720914972716,0.11926935097270673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312772186403234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09676247864675744 ptsd,Avmkb3,2019/06/26,"I was abused, I still am My sister liked to lie to our parents to get me in trouble when we were younger, by younger I mean I was five. I'm fifteen now. It may not seem like those lies she told did much, but it was everyday and eventually it took a toll on my mental health. I'm now depressed, paranoid, I have anxiety, and PTSD. My sister got worse with how she treated me. She started physically fighting with me. If we got caught fighting she would fake cry and blame it on me. Our parents were the type to give spankings. I got those a lot, because of her. My parents always believed her because she's almost five years older than me. I remember the first time I tried to kill myself, it was after she got me in trouble one morning. I have this loose ceiling fan in my room. I was always a smart kid, but sometimes not in a good way. I was five, and I thought if I hang myself with my jump rope from my ceiling fan then if the jump rope breaks the fan will probably fall and kill me. My mom walked in the room and saw me tying a jump rope to my fan. She yelled at me and took the jump rope. I wasn't allowed near jump ropes for six years. Two months ago I had cut myself for the first time, because my sister lied again. I had flashbacks to all the other times she had hurt me in someway. I had a breakdown, and things have just been getting worse ever since. I've had the urge to cut again. Luckily I haven't, yet. I'm trapped in this house. I'm too young to leave, and my sister won't move out. I think I'm going to die here, so to everyone who reads this I want you to know what I've been wishing to have for a while now. I wish that I could have someone in the world to love. Not just someone who will show me they love me. I want to have someone that I can give all my love too. Someone I can hug, talk to, cook for, watch movies with, play videogames with, someone who I can be there for when ever they need me. I don't care about feeling loved, I want to make someone feel loved. Sadly I don't think that I'll ever get to do that. So to anyone who feels that they aren't loved, just know that if I could, I would be there for you. I'm sorry I can't be there, but just know that I care. I'll always care, even if I die. I won't stop trying to make my wish true even if it kills me in the process. I'll only be happy if I make someone else happy. That is my purpose.",1.8802218934911248,3.053232641025641,3.0384571005917174,95.85389866863908,76.63313609467455,5.701163708086786,22.53693293885602,5.6839178017228535,0.016607140039448076,1827,50,436,8,40,588,212,507,0.19,0.649,0.161,-0.9382,4,1,0,0,5,4,62.0,4,2,3,2,28,32,7,0,18,0,47,9,0,5,6,72,99,26,5,18,17,8,3,2,0,7,1,1,2,1,26,17,1,1,12,4,0,13,11,13,0,8,27,6,86,19,51,59,4,61,0,3,2,7,44,17,0,11,31,291,112,2,0.0,0.07858918265829852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587967790270843,0.0,0.06641905077799838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16557346973310236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074160924463481,0.0,0.0,0.04637887572495882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213008811789954,0.0,0.0,0.07473022504005294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028809312904449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591683935447699,0.0,0.07285944384037504,0.0,0.0,0.057129189620214266,0.0,0.1376783470590507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055409483876120685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761954055733719,0.17999550900725364,0.0,0.06338033411339161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061401586828787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283906229848616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039627113743174,0.12725790685775354,0.03769637784848806,0.05563373423696996,0.21219788470558015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412172022001143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050477231696055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653492007154378,0.0710067143963789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22015009213107706,0.0,0.10935827924987986,0.0,0.0,0.0702329802826095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481013311323533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563906614257494,0.35918782184072434,0.0,0.1328256445978005,0.0,0.0,0.07225187665616457,0.0,0.0,0.06684417062126766,0.0,0.0,0.07768388511417412,0.05294328536996352,0.07049737693072525,0.048759548575096026,0.04918221559208421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04494634072010188,0.05044629857858697,0.0,0.0,0.22095197565600844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151402961916015,0.0,0.07753521315804797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634708790155593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513798359517804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06038355635531025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05486814862380482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934032454165591,0.0,0.06560121380516458,0.07425003987441715,0.04694810547921256,0.0,0.052970535523013854,0.0554541296366033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533128488582024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044066132179372434,0.08500206713209082,0.0,0.052657926769372976,0.11603116183337615,0.0,0.0,0.06338033411339161,0.14738822642190813,0.09006626188627116,0.0,0.06479393011320482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736793288484408,0.05264898261110237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288257067884495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13519011715829748,0.0942366335372587,0.0,0.0,0.08542758075117046 ptsd,B6030,2019/06/26,"How can I cope with this? I started a new job and have to get up at 4am. That's not so bad but I've been retraining my sleep schedule and it's taking a bit to get used to it. So because I'm tired all the time and my body hurts after work (still not used to this) I'm super susceptible to all my triggers. This includes knocking, crashing sounds and loud voices. I really wanna do well but on the way to work every morning I almost have a panic attack a few times on the train and feel so terrible that I cry when I get home. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope? It's getting harder to sleep properly and my nightmares are back.",1.6743333333333332,3.3899959333333314,3.5693518518518523,89.50958333333334,78.55555555555556,6.277777777777778,22.36111111111111,7.1686216300943375,0.6911111111111103,501,15,108,6,12,169,83,135,0.182,0.745,0.073,-0.9577,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,9,7,1,1,7,0,7,4,3,5,2,21,18,14,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,8,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,4,10,2,16,17,4,15,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,9,70,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823143655850167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424827647618427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747209268703705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911284615208116,0.0,0.1291844743537653,0.14027607122421973,0.10241349561369274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341652683397955,0.18661423597049184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18454417460871092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702116923403438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415503624267498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494771820822689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510999947184205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852140837552926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798514346151886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671774795467134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16225901948221566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971161424675647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762747162014087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33625005871234714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891388292896672,0.0,0.13416797111562576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631787340029613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959286159832422,0.1930955377659264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29020250913770224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333535164122418,0.0,0.0,0.15105550191857586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24461738770953834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fractalEquinox,2019/06/26,"[TW child abuse mention] I had a panic attack today after someone screamed at me as a joke, and it got worse when my boyfriend tried to hug me to help me calm down. I hate that I can’t react normally to these things. I’m a child abuse survivor, by my dad. That should be said first. So an hour ago, I was talking to my boyfriend’s father (who is the sweetest man on earth) and we were discussing options for tonight’s dinner. I suggested cold shrimp with avocado for the entrees. He said he preferred shrimp as a hot dish, but I said it was probably better to have cold entrees since it’s so hot outside and we’re having a barbecue (there’s a horrible heat wave in Europe right now). He replied angrily as a joke, something like “OH WELL OKAY THEN” but screamed so damn loud it terrified me and I kind of froze. I’m really self-conscious about freezing like that so I tried my best to hide it and painfully walked away to try and calm down. My boyfriend didn’t notice at first so he also jokingly screamed “HE WANTED HOT SHRIMP, YOU MONSTER” which tensed me up a bit more. Then, upon finally noticing I was petrified, he came and hugged me tight, thus unwillingly completing the PTSD bingo for my body and I started having a full-blown panic attack... I ran away and laid down in a room for a while, in foetal position, trying my best not to hyperventilate. Last year, I also had to stop taekwondo - which I loved - because I could not react accordingly when training, even though I was fully aware that nobody actually wanted to hurt me. I’m so tired of reacting like this. I’m in therapy, but I don’t feel like it changes anything to my physical reactions...",3.139367994021561,5.262399507739938,4.097446354222267,85.52380804953559,75.59442724458204,7.303469627415395,27.2370022419131,8.216663640201805,1.8715964342905944,1303,52,255,23,29,420,183,323,0.19699999999999998,0.643,0.16,-0.9194,0,0,1,0,2,0,43.0,1,1,0,5,16,29,4,2,15,1,17,8,1,4,0,31,33,29,0,6,5,2,7,4,0,1,2,7,1,3,16,12,2,2,2,3,0,3,5,11,1,2,14,16,33,18,38,16,4,37,0,1,0,3,23,16,1,1,22,156,49,0,0.0,0.2460007427477577,0.10130564140514603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202316923645476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660370090045532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542851873806959,0.0,0.0,0.2362025171454067,0.1950697837197201,0.0,0.0,0.06328289690905158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21788880330364624,0.0918133724850727,0.11333593379952105,0.11531184816918914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118733394605287,0.0,0.0,0.10981944426562204,0.0,0.1088450191348177,0.0,0.0,0.082885520212065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856691763178112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052490520529714695,0.07416339001976087,0.0,0.11372108897849227,0.0,0.17660505045001235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08302802542501647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249296342579957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958306709087908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223401408855724,0.0,0.11113300769099316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810433445601496,0.0,0.08462072286379196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286940701187486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369447970864933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171382351247997,0.0,0.23638154387879126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046340119985708,0.2436022801123298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192700959679014,0.0,0.1213507977867451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066504694037693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865497220170232,0.2962472596159837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829866823330588,0.0,0.0,0.08587444771716993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795966142115731,0.07991963180840707,0.0,0.0,0.07347874368856816,0.0,0.0,0.08679156989294871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344023931474161,0.0,0.0,0.11871819172747775,0.0,0.06896815108307924,0.0,0.10199486809459486,0.0,0.0,0.11931674567707287,0.09840173905312748,0.0,0.0,0.2819264251273797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246214083506933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333955157156264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579340600123244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685159332711582 ptsd,readmyshit5989,2019/06/26,"Random flashbacks I am gaining more memories. Some are happy, but mostly some are sad. I'm 30yrs old and after many years the smell of outside reminds me or being a child. My (current)living room, all of a sudden (after 2 yrs) of being the same reminds me of being a child. I think its the couchesand the carpet. This flashback is worse if I also have my living room window open, with the smell of outside. I have PTSD from multiple types or abuse as a child. These memories are from a time/place that I always viewed as 'before things got bad'. It was a few years later when my life got completely turned around. Nothing is happening in these memories, I'm simply just .. there. Like standing on a movie set. I can see the image clearly and know where I am. In most of them the feeling and emotion connected to them is just 'lost', or 'longing'. As an adult, I feel so sad for younger me here, but I don't know why. This is the last place I can truly say I have any happy moments. What is happening?",3.2706632653061227,4.973320198979593,4.2385204081632635,86.49308673469388,74.05102040816327,6.73673469387755,25.005102040816325,7.413659706084162,1.1801387755102044,773,25,152,9,16,250,119,196,0.09,0.8029999999999999,0.107,0.1154,1,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,0,0,2,2,9,7,0,0,16,0,20,1,0,0,2,27,34,15,0,1,8,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,4,4,9,6,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,4,7,19,3,20,27,8,22,0,3,2,0,7,9,0,9,12,109,28,1,0.0,0.19466780464969533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313900912350505,0.13671017974283656,0.0,0.0,0.1117291583902435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626121090270766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13718305311537055,0.0,0.0,0.1398066034941554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722646906294528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848145989599922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16614932592974802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628103192429791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905786576173664,0.3497993209904641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180589197493026,0.13392585862763468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604945483738666,0.08026833913684832,0.0,0.1450792924275539,0.14539971072832236,0.0,0.0,0.1793520949048344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657370289294696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764960998827413,0.0,0.17240447773775616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17165779967923633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19205709002153085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306573982336399,0.0,0.0,0.13092527058131145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10915315467854557,0.10527635763331654,0.0,0.0,0.09580424337051666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17871045919165154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14825456356278605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674350236721921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21160672549136006 ptsd,ButtercupButterflies,2019/06/26,Why is Support and Encouragement so hard to come by? Sharing a personal accomplishment never guarantees a positive response. Why?,7.1018333333333326,11.218306850000005,8.250000000000004,47.78833333333333,80.5,12.666666666666668,46.66666666666666,10.504223727775694,8.466666666666667,107,8,11,5,3,36,18,20,0.18100000000000002,0.491,0.327,0.5953,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315673114808176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32827646422987994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826367883248493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199790141022017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4158548254107563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6613468743573369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,livvfre,2019/06/26,"Could I have PTSD from the loss of a pet? Two years ago my dog killed my cat. Since then i have slowly dealt witht the grief and guilt but about a month ago something struck a cord and since then she has been popping up unexpectedly in my thoughts almost constantly, and the scene. It is less of how I miss her and more of how it happened. I have even started thinking random things are her, like my husband is holding a bag of popcorn and I think he's holding her body. Or I drive past a traffic cone and think it's her. I can no longer be in the room it happened in by myself, and I am terrified to walk around my house without shoes on. I started think I might have some sort of PTSD but it seems crazy when I compare it to all of these horrific stories of war and assault. Am I crazy?",3.778845510317904,4.423294993865031,4.160870050195204,91.6239933073062,71.45398773006134,6.908867819297267,27.701617401003904,6.574015621080383,0.959900613496932,616,21,139,4,11,193,99,163,0.24600000000000002,0.735,0.018000000000000002,-0.9908,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,6,8,3,1,9,0,15,2,2,2,1,30,26,16,3,1,4,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,8,9,0,2,6,0,0,2,2,7,0,1,2,0,23,1,19,21,4,20,0,3,0,0,7,7,0,7,12,97,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28544148833312394,0.0,0.16122271509985253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332810917810798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883966525474468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739886292656215,0.0,0.12854896460805992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634193095947507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2847514341414423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18577753625428048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812758622265756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786586491684694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708002945161919,0.0,0.0,0.12851222824881586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536969803056231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37641120837358105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657241843951355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26636911518652195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394910346877035,0.0,0.0,0.22791957865980866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069642126873152,0.41266064153615456,0.0,0.12781956119282206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572779678793806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520255923463358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368159701010006 ptsd,Firesareshit,2019/06/26,"Fires One of the weirdest part of being an army brat has been watching my father deal with PTSD. and later once I became a wildland firefighter. PTSD in my mind was a military thing. I have since been educated and know it comes in a lot of forms. And from close calls in fires I have experienced it unfortunately. But I always feels like it isn't real. Only because I had seen it after service. Fires are a mess but I have tried to ignore it. Is that odd? I spent 5 seasons as a wildland firefighter and I am slowly trying to adjust to a ""normal"" summer after calling it quits",2.467870813397127,4.7089540964912295,4.288660287081342,82.77380382775121,78.21052631578948,6.250717703349283,22.64433811802233,7.348242739294969,1.0308701754385965,453,14,85,6,11,153,76,114,0.106,0.877,0.017,-0.81,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,8,0,13,0,0,0,0,17,18,7,0,1,2,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,6,7,10,1,14,11,3,10,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,1,6,63,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655736196893077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130099103850292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4063771654934151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.171410193615144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514747303487035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061410699216206,0.14215677770094728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935837829323873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097215287715495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917213749254806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20092074606674284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496559413376754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21191529453178226,0.13483914428100605,0.15133903280002947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154841742966043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465211700279786,0.0,0.0,0.21164780125891672,0.0,0.2264914471554877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460459494999646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321985162672619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701990303718382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,goldenhoneyybee,2019/06/26,"the loss of a parent. my stepfather used to drive a 2009, gray honda fit. it’s a pretty neat car, if i would say so myself. i took my first interstate drive in it. quite a memorable car. my issue is that my stepfather did terrible things to me throughout my childhood. my boyfriend and j turned him in, and sadly, he’s no longer with us, as he took his life. rest in peace. due to this trauma, anytime i see the aforementioned honda fit, i go into a complete panic attack mode. it’s like whenever he passed they’re all of a sudden there. constantly. wherever i go, they’re there too. and i need help coping with this. any advice or anything that can help with these panic attacks would be fantastic. i’m tired of living my life in a constant panic.",1.7804054054054037,4.202145351351351,3.32560810810811,87.69489864864866,81.97297297297297,6.402702702702705,21.41216216216216,7.645422480735847,1.03768108108108,584,18,114,10,16,192,95,148,0.195,0.648,0.157,-0.7391,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,3,4,11,2,3,9,0,6,3,0,1,1,15,15,7,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,9,7,0,0,1,0,0,9,1,9,0,1,3,3,18,2,15,9,2,22,0,2,2,0,10,7,0,2,7,70,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372945193191602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955445015935448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11561914579839105,0.0,0.0,0.319677007996766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731108911489388,0.3036601674740184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950883252066084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969824687176432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883477531372533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466450113987159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847795297827853,0.06864097579420676,0.0,0.1240636632929762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417862478582972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.494537795290896,0.156008106388629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293853737895193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494385496818813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173086930575617,0.0,0.0,0.11195993869388823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933416478865684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1614835469279818,0.0,0.0,0.3122003056065696,0.0,0.15282314839767822,0.0,0.0,0.1690036411044746,0.12134648745680553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961367677665,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WiseConflict,2019/06/26,"Scared To Sleep I get pretty bad night terrors. When I was younger I would scream in my sleep. I used to cry up until a year ago. My boyfriend and I skype every night and he says I always do weird things in my sleep- I sit up just to fall back down onto my pillow, I open my mouth like I’m going to speak but don’t, I make random noises, etc. I have been physically, sexually, and emotionally abused. My dreams are always about those events. I used to dream about my rape every night but that stopped a couple of months ago. At least- it’s not as frequent. I’ve tried taking melatonin, I’ve tried reading before bed, having pets sleep with me, watching tv or doing something calming. Nothing works. I am extremely afraid of falling asleep. Eventually I have to because I have a rare sleep condition. But I keep pushing my body to the edge and I’m feeling the severe effects of it. Is there anything that helps with night terrors?",2.56907203907204,4.921612989010988,3.265421245421248,89.66013431013431,78.45054945054945,5.363125763125763,23.2979242979243,6.42735559955562,0.5765667887667879,732,24,144,6,18,230,118,182,0.185,0.7190000000000001,0.096,-0.9524,0,0,1,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,0,2,7,10,1,4,5,0,13,9,8,4,0,22,23,11,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,6,7,0,2,2,4,0,4,2,8,0,0,2,5,24,2,23,20,2,27,0,0,1,1,4,8,0,2,15,86,30,2,0.0,0.13557829672587898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028667784501568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042628387345464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941643747327904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798795724103628,0.09554247922252322,0.06975415829216483,0.0,0.0973696765465505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271035509280741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661224504159552,0.12569362553651414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287159352424092,0.0,0.0,0.12761730589860704,0.0,0.0,0.19282080604440732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785816163141134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978383137205534,0.0,0.0650319869549311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669857913248061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170873511548566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590366995082943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638148172115808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133522210990773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295311612332659,0.0,0.10979661295390676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11641426603322907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144588207454183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099762304829327,0.11456224489841108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292709054913603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5725524668556197,0.0,0.0,0.08809215317413491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566681047232996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603550619471123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602078227678198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537800452895018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19765785395639024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330484122751519,0.0,0.0,0.08128626505580072,0.0,0.0,0.07368778691855489 ptsd,darthkatedt,2019/06/26,"Is this normal? It’s been a couple months, but I still haven’t healed like I thought I would. For about a month, I was doing great, but now i’ve backtracked to how I was right after everything happened. Is it normal for the healing to be a roller coaster like this? And is it normal to suddenly have dozens of uncontrollable tics? (swallowing weird, moving my shoulders, twitching my mouth to the side, etc.) Plus the constant fear.. every time I step into a room, I expect something to be there and the fear is so strong I can hardly bring myself to leave the corner of the room where I have 3 walls protecting me and I can see anything coming my way. I am afraid of a couple people finding me, but I think that’s pretty normal. What is really confusing me is how my general anxiety levels have skyrocketed. I’ve only been sleeping for an hour or two for the past week or so. I lay awake for so long, terrified that as soon as I close my eyes, something will be there. Finally, I pass out, only to be jolted awake after a couple hours feeling like I’m not alone in my room. Sorry for the long paragraph. I just don’t know what to do and I don’t know if this is typical or what. Any answers are greatly appreciated Thank you",3.5028968938740306,5.005010709016396,4.74874892148404,83.88960742018983,73.05737704918033,7.431924072476272,25.137187230371012,8.032893268588372,1.4442081967213114,959,30,189,14,19,317,136,244,0.091,0.762,0.147,0.9548,0,1,2,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,1,13,13,0,5,15,0,29,8,4,2,0,35,40,19,0,7,9,0,2,3,0,2,3,0,3,0,11,9,1,1,7,1,0,5,4,6,0,2,5,4,28,7,26,29,1,36,0,0,2,0,1,13,0,5,20,136,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157463211626757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599844346759595,0.0,0.08549363166804982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196630857012517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626857131659658,0.0,0.1207693780711191,0.0,0.0,0.3709702579970591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463835252412513,0.0,0.0,0.09415990812736284,0.0,0.100439788755348,0.0,0.0,0.2515148979980781,0.05650758645181812,0.07983906676500087,0.0,0.12242409109296712,0.1021436733024795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464244914504715,0.0,0.0,0.09882615246545942,0.0,0.1001121246181458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22011583543566507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283720842679073,0.0,0.0,0.11833429480492302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16379615461228456,0.0,0.0,0.1978024690277473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17840639294248256,0.1187797719977983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4379916691603569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999213599636476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668449312616543,0.07747808054029895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369682369109832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159425568392389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543968045116387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905568535654851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183749053471766,0.0,0.0,0.17207166010306596,0.0,0.12510256680581394,0.0,0.0,0.08924910976769493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289062906184547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160923280317733,0.0,0.08872240085881641,0.06516627779759422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917013626266522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870733100620135,0.08964454875250183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938881085174944,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,skinnywhitepiimp,2019/06/26,"i really dont like when people say that they have ptsd, honestly that may offend some people but i truly feel that the true meaning PTSD is when you go threw a near death experience, for example i am a stabbing survivor. i have ptsd from getting beat and stabbed and being involved in gang violence. man when someone’s like they have ptsd because of collage that really just takes away from people who actually are struggling, man i got ptsd, i know this 1 because i got diagnosed 2 because i have panic attacks witch involves me sweating and screaming uncontrollably and i also disassociate, you think i can keep a job...i can’t, you think i can function normally... i can’t. the apartment i live in all the people on my floor and above know me because they have complained about my panic attacks soo much, it actually pisses me off when someone is like i have ptsd from an event that is less then life changing, if you have ptsd you can’t function period, and finally a physician told me when i was in the hospital for trying to off my self said to me that true PTSD IS WHEN UR LIFE IS IN DANGER THAT MEANS YOU ALMOST DIE, not you got a bad grade or you got bullied guy i could tell u all that shit happend to me, if ur in collage right now. fuck ur 10x ahead of where i’ll ever be, should be proud, don’t rock that you got ptsd it’s really not a good look and honestly u don’t fucking want it, u don’t want to wake up every day screaming crying, wanting life to be over because this thing keeps happening to you, you feel like ur in another world looking in on the moment that changed ur life. real shit sometimes i even shit my self no fucking lie, you better get a diagnosis before u come talking shit about ptsd really you really don’t want it sorry if i offend anyone",4.638644067796612,5.529975477401134,5.62916666666667,80.97561440677968,69.64971751412429,8.385875706214689,29.721751412429377,8.59863814320734,2.2137988700564977,1405,53,273,22,24,464,173,354,0.29100000000000004,0.62,0.08900000000000001,-0.9983,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,13,3,4,14,33,13,4,13,0,32,16,7,0,5,42,65,20,2,10,8,0,2,4,0,2,6,4,0,5,18,8,0,2,8,1,0,3,11,22,0,0,9,8,44,11,31,49,5,38,0,0,2,3,35,20,8,7,19,171,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.11308968640882218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802240001574323,0.0,0.0,0.04633767927466546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06075918335358181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0405156901231328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183899841332822,0.054440158422360364,0.0,0.048380697946297416,0.17661017854537092,0.0,0.049305952163493885,0.0,0.0,0.05124663028857651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225938293398876,0.04991349969969842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04626345264982636,0.0,0.06364860301242355,0.03736899238794918,0.0,0.0,0.05881179231138525,0.06013657251190928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790976558709891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03827136922210818,0.05241353347833818,0.04882019626719553,0.0,0.0,0.056680207968176965,0.0,0.0,0.05859630740998141,0.041395101023090144,0.0,0.06347466001036628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070447855816555,0.06054654455736452,0.0,0.03293082766238671,0.048600555781148136,0.23171496740510894,0.0,0.0,0.05737352558454455,0.05123955891258415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057500334416902714,0.10300631995662653,0.0,0.0,0.06368885381874774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370983131854527,0.1132337612333168,0.0,0.05116548484525308,0.0,0.09731648800229517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262356881083527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04259539994733639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677267447755549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596925642177532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16068389078148584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6773326478571745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595279161146055,0.1856015837104044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04948373489279382,0.05511787435979637,0.046079278561285804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089615404552878,0.0,0.23791413467101435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098191279269069,0.0,0.05730795343107228,0.06486340085133252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06057549737653884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0435665671619066,0.04657307513726413,0.05064548255552746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03849532202747352,0.07425616421090123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536783582394778,0.0,0.03934007347195487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670714593874045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,supremenotrifles,2019/06/26,"I think I need help Sparing detail, I’ve witnessed or otherwise been exposed to several traumatic accidents involving vehicles. It’s all I think about every time I drive — will this be it? Will I crash my car and die this time? This thought process extends to family members and friends too. It’s been going on since I witnessed a man die trapped in a burning car when I was 17. Then everything got worse when a close friend was in a horrible accident. I went into see him in ICU when he was in a coma and I couldn’t get that image of him out of my head for weeks. I couldn’t sleep or even breathe it felt like. I wanted to talk to someone so badly because it truly felt like I was dying of panic sometimes but I never did find a therapist. With time my friend got better and my symptoms either got a little better or I got better at ignoring them. Then my mom got in a wreck last week. Now they’re saying she has a traumatic brain injury. When I found out I had to drive to a random parking lot and just sob. I literally felt like I might throw up. I don’t understand why I’m feeling this way and I hate it. I don’t have anyone to talk to and I’m too scared to find a therapist. I can’t imagine anyone knowing that I’m feeling this way for what they’ll think of me. I feel like I’m making everything about myself when I’m not the victim in these situations. It was that man, my friend, my mom, not ME in those cars so why do I feel like this. I’m a student and still dependent on my parents so I can’t go to a therapist without them finding out through our insurance company. My only option is counseling through my college but I’ve heard it’s not very good and I’m terrified they’re going to trivialize what I’m feeling or not take me seriously or tell my parents.....I don’t know what to do but I know I need help",1.7230451127819535,3.6008594999999985,3.7669172932330848,87.39342105263157,79.0,7.079699248120301,25.330827067669173,8.052868069273773,1.5341037593984956,1430,55,303,26,35,487,178,380,0.16399999999999998,0.695,0.141,-0.9041,2,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,0,3,3,16,21,2,2,14,0,26,6,4,2,2,65,69,27,3,5,15,3,8,5,4,4,2,2,0,2,22,15,0,1,21,0,0,10,13,8,0,0,21,11,49,13,39,41,3,45,0,1,1,0,25,17,1,10,21,190,71,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206603930936994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669102905736866,0.04885021864652864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126215868570387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945838265994273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249505838796112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292913380758865,0.0,0.06751811480124492,0.0,0.14404230680904145,0.0,0.07554517678281396,0.0,0.20259608282723074,0.11449848205400034,0.23082964960164806,0.0,0.21972881231774055,0.0,0.0,0.08786508999645443,0.2476517874232142,0.0,0.0418678012258395,0.0,0.13662956558634676,0.06721435298368103,0.32046077170192405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911780145394755,0.08224275093401412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074270682130964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212210332458388,0.06532161161750291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575223664824445,0.08031741793971918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812884078406597,0.0,0.0,0.05349146450876919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501173113236173,0.0,0.1877088477637379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883979548254367,0.061805895344876786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06094710998436088,0.0,0.09402243913851333,0.08898164808259869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372743777660687,0.08023020919389631,0.0,0.06385809106221559,0.0,0.0,0.09053097553607807,0.0,0.06628940443675581,0.09007632637936408,0.08019396657431396,0.0,0.06789905175601359,0.0,0.07925664529504375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399678758238933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329208444484057,0.060252369061250664,0.12882071249999266,0.07004247763842474,0.0,0.0,0.2791325422428926,0.0,0.1540439183955291,0.0,0.06361910674896717,0.1401840012276682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342449922036373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612066945869008,0.04726634405116377,0.1272166015813737,0.1285606805348682,0.0,0.0,0.0742869612883467,0.1446207195653915,0.0,0.0,0.07724833422613518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166552523580789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PTSDGeneticsWarrior,2019/06/26,"I need advice I am having a bit of a panic attack. So I am having a panic attack and crying and this sounds so stupid. I am pursuing a degree in genetics and developmental biology. But I only took 1 intro bio and 1 into chem class. I am at this internship and my ptsd keeps flaring up so bad. At internship I keep making mistakes. So many mistakes to where I keep redoing the project over and over and I keep using up the material because I am anxious. Each time I do the project it keeps coming out wrong and it is devastating. No one else is having these issues where I work. I feel so stupid and defected. I am thinking I literally can't do the field I have been wanting to do and drop the major. I wanted to do neuroscience to help people like us and breed empathy and create understanding. But I am too stupid. My current boss at my internship says everything is fine but I cry because he taught this to me a month ago. And I can’t figure it what I did wrong and he supervised me what I was doing wrong. But still I keep messing up and I know it’s anxiety. He sees I am gonna cry and just walks away and he is supposed to mentor me. I can’t understand any of the projects I am doing. I am alone without my support system in a new state. I feel alone and just want someone to understand. I just can't think at work and I close my eyes alot. To distance myself so I can think. But when I am alone in the morning and no one is coming in I do so much better. I feel so stupid and every time I mess up I hear my family telling me I am stupid. I hear my math teacher telling me that I am not able to comprehend the material and think abstractly despite me getting an A in his class. My current boss keeps telling me it’s fine it’s all fine in a short manner. But I am on the verge of tears and he knows it. My parents told me cause I am struggling that it’s a sign to quit. My family hasn’t been supportive and told me I am too dumb to do this. Including the Math and the field I want to get in. One person lab person said that grades don’t matter as long as I can do the work and I get that. That is why I feel awful too. But it’s my core belief that I am not good enough that I can’t do this. But I wanted to do this field for at least 2 years. I been working on it. My math teacher said after I am not thinking abstractly enough to do this work. Which hurt cause he helped me with my math anxiety for so long. When someone talks math or anything my brain freezes. I get scared and think of my impatient parents yelling at me or my ptsd from the navy where I have been sexually assaulted me a few times. Or my family again and because I am difficult or different they will push me away and leave me. I hear my mom saying I fuck everything up. Cause I am divorced and left my abusive husband and when I was sexually assaulted on the navy. And she knew. I still carry guilt. I can’t do proportions but working on it because I was pulled from public school at 6th grade and never went back til college. Don’t ask about the high school transcripts. Just I feel so dumb for crying and panicking. I just am thinking of dropping out the major and not pursuing the field anymore cause I am too stupid and my disorder makes things worse. And here people don’t have patients or understand. They say it’s fine and brush it off. Has anyone else felt this way? In their job or with the disorder? What is wrong with me ? I have a 4.0 gpa? I can’t do basic stuff. I Am a fake a phony cause I live with my tutor. I feel like a failure and I am messing everything up. And my boss is frustrated with me.",1.311710131125924,3.306083243315509,3.250816789978757,90.00611640172882,80.87165775401071,6.558523185114644,22.679730422679658,7.663944728579882,0.9696979854955684,2798,93,611,46,73,941,275,748,0.24100000000000002,0.7240000000000001,0.035,-0.9995,6,3,0,0,2,0,59.0,1,0,3,8,32,43,14,5,34,1,76,3,2,11,2,131,135,71,0,8,25,4,8,2,0,2,0,10,0,2,35,52,0,7,23,0,0,7,19,33,0,3,17,21,116,10,68,116,11,74,1,1,2,1,37,41,3,7,23,431,151,32,0.05200858198950868,0.061621665151305176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05082218439543994,0.046102469915427866,0.0,0.0,0.16159561792041496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03536761920313514,0.0,0.07957284573645046,0.0587548939938416,0.05157853821072392,0.036365609786827686,0.053288938338122684,0.042798631558987915,0.0,0.048621003517690775,0.11833454043148285,0.0977275495939427,0.03999138925175446,0.04342499356131875,0.1268157954183961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045997364337134916,0.056779901427905226,0.0,0.0,0.05805877777104925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26713570063240444,0.0,0.08960157645878558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285159407224261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054337898716629286,0.11921268154442252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086892993313512,0.0,0.0,0.10747753593092507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043819473437909116,0.0,0.1402258798783338,0.0,0.14708718736333676,0.0,0.15778261042161534,0.037154941365111036,0.049936394744712204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048081095994175635,0.10868935005783104,0.0,0.0,0.04362233104234053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17585235531234455,0.0,0.0697205124274209,0.05494992234121101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567626268684691,0.0,0.0,0.05428344734323892,0.051610492568736635,0.3235933212558975,0.0,0.0,0.05716511303902243,0.0,0.0,0.05506957888047442,0.056507476506658286,0.0,0.0,0.050817532210249976,0.0,0.04592453073812893,0.0920519168921684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943226466250953,0.05272853906763486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060911822648312276,0.04151275395321079,0.0,0.038232291946429804,0.03856370454687115,0.040112224657686726,0.050230212571454914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10572708344631697,0.03955487019948288,0.0,0.12204173017939607,0.11549875099726326,0.0,0.0,0.07211240452069248,0.09082377545742988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159049836245607,0.0,0.0,0.05531752880873948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894414263492067,0.12407793560906155,0.05206966354198338,0.10527092315811674,0.04144410627182889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813340549096595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306824151809154,0.0,0.0,0.054370662169233794,0.05953738343376401,0.0,0.11803744502422775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041802528153095535,0.13637337908962344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03455219089727625,0.2332749952706473,0.0,0.0,0.09097986720005936,0.0,0.0,0.09939285773958502,0.05778344823424971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21657107212893892,0.06255992048557832,0.04491871628853912,0.0,0.0,0.15338004576653666,0.04128199158304467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048212476555960816,0.046929655828084005,0.0,0.0,0.050134417107310036,0.0,0.2271772026455056,0.0,0.05300118826477362,0.0,0.2274528798461897,0.0,0.03349182163290284 ptsd,RogueGeth,2019/05/17,"Anyone here managed to heal their trauma permanently? Hello Im gonna keep this as brief as possible. 41 year old male been suffering with following symptoms since early childhood: Insomnia, anxiety, depression, clumsyness, poor memory, poor balance, poor self esteem, poor personal boundaries, lethargy, poor motivation, shyness, social isolation, learning difficulties, poor concentration, lack of purpose, short temper, restless legs, zoning out and probably dozens other shitty things I forget. I had my brain scanned and blood tested, they found nothing. I eat healthy and go to the gym regurarely. I been studying about trauma for the last yeatrs, and ss far as I can tell all these problems stem from suppressed childhood events, or stuff happening before I was born. I tried talking with shrinks but I dont feel it helps, I assume the healing must take place at a much deeper level than merely talking. I studied and tested many techniques. I can now tune into my mind\\body and sense the trauma if that makes any sense. I let go and then the urge to scream, shake, cry, etc comes at will. When have the tried to release with following therapy techniques: EMDR, EFT, TAT, Mindfulness, Talking to my inner wounded child, TRE (Trauma Release Excercises), breathing techniques, yoga, visualisations and offcourse just letting myselg cry, scream punch, shake, etc. I literally spent hundreds of hours trying this, and it gives me momentarely relief. I usually feel very relaxed afterwards, sometimes even blissful. However the relief only last for some hours and the next day I'm usually back to my neurotic self again. I feel like my whole life is slipping my by while I'm trying to fix my broken self. Thus I'd like to hear any suggestions to heal early imprinted trauma, if suck even exists.",7.754637853949326,9.844917740983608,7.110588673621463,68.77586810730256,63.39344262295082,9.742175856929956,36.158718330849474,10.018931242160765,4.177688524590162,1441,68,204,32,22,447,206,305,0.23199999999999998,0.6920000000000001,0.076,-0.9902,1,1,0,0,0,0,60.0,0,0,2,1,9,20,2,3,9,0,13,12,4,3,2,39,33,20,0,5,5,0,3,2,0,3,7,3,0,6,9,16,1,2,7,3,7,8,1,15,0,1,6,7,25,5,27,22,7,40,0,2,1,0,18,9,1,5,25,115,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681726105887232,0.0,0.07695555322646833,0.0,0.0,0.07033896032403053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735200257527163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559966280782626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173931645874363,0.0,0.11229824248894534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665442114747635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22099964474822856,0.06487600396134417,0.0,0.08664306193773816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178975920866238,0.0,0.0,0.10293467277149107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22438193780260604,0.1328852260977871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525928595632675,0.07186569843987227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029816199832873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650070987565586,0.11434188450659424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895658176917655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133788389241925,0.0,0.0674272806939124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813330606457627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866078502152733,0.0,0.0,0.08941421743692261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16399809527242235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20573215327881533,0.07105382689257335,0.09829210627444644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714851391097597,0.1019884071561997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20314627245592773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394952764660541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698483232474376,0.0,0.0,0.0965244353235842,0.0,0.10555842708479976,0.0,0.0,0.07650768024770994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783641984593966,0.10510125704820723,0.0,0.0,0.11340671096250407,0.0,0.0,0.10845934519466224,0.09625664683566036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31483024564899603,0.0,0.0,0.08321393023819885,0.0,0.0,0.10254480516408067,0.0,0.0,0.09949187217072866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515818587100987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455761012304453,0.07563556315448018,0.24256541164365175,0.08792521063415555,0.0,0.11504012645242576,0.0,0.0668314156940706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731919272438463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22158424295858603,0.0830021150799121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231167888456532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647804320297571 ptsd,train_ship_explorer,2019/05/17,"I keep fucking up my life when I disassociate So I've got PTSD, bipolar, and extreme anxiety. I tried taking Modafinil because it is supposed to help people with PTSD stop disassociating, I had a really bad reaction to it. I've done majorly stupid shit like turn down free money and shit like that when I'm disassociating, money that would have saved my life. I hate myself.",5.755714285714286,7.285180285714286,7.0642857142857185,69.35071428571429,67.57142857142857,9.6,31.142857142857146,9.888512548439397,3.1483714285714286,300,12,53,7,5,102,50,70,0.265,0.569,0.166,-0.8596,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,10,5,0,1,0,5,6,2,0,0,7,12,5,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,6,0,0,3,0,8,5,5,8,1,5,0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,5,28,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15833193455561398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728117971651011,0.12616735040057708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21180277183477536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19134097502371405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553328764201594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20434060799588308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872802346926216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396496977810076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923788965917396,0.20223075119972492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14348734681469436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4838750870635294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325906594951823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4249046719945508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303668045154838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15561612558628538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051944444542525,0.2251245684052317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470259685894793,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,walktothesea,2019/05/17,"Scared/Anxiety to go outside I feel that everyone is watching and someone will come out randonly and get me. I always felt like this. But last week I saw somebody and it made everything worse. So now I feel even more scared. When I push myself to leave. I try to ignore it but its still scary. Especially night time walks. I have to walk dogs. I cant even have my bf walk me. I am scared I will get scared seeing him. I can't have a phone call either. I am sad. Next week i have to walk everyday for longer distance and time. And I am scared. I didnt like crowds. But now I am scared I will freak out in public. Having no exit and everyone around you. Talking. Moving. Not knowing whos who. Plus no glasses cuz they broke. I dont know. I just feel sad i have to walk in 30 minutes. I just dont want to anymore.",-0.900004524886878,1.2220071352941204,1.120000000000001,98.67846153846158,98.23529411764706,4.262443438914026,16.53846153846154,6.093298490706669,-0.4578868778280541,623,17,144,7,26,204,98,170,0.28600000000000003,0.6859999999999999,0.027999999999999997,-0.9929,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,0,11,12,0,5,1,0,19,0,0,2,0,28,34,13,0,1,7,0,4,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,1,6,0,0,9,8,10,0,0,4,7,28,2,14,27,2,27,0,3,3,0,11,6,0,0,14,92,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051355761452463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665947686675344,0.0,0.12530793576273122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124806997173398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902024340167684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088416711352488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29616886883800353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16690954582748085,0.0,0.0,0.2414708571619947,0.11355766796051725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19166317907665187,0.0,0.1213184157978284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202815131650994,0.0,0.07180915656496642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13888028938117036,0.10299432225200457,0.0,0.1337892753889718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345910300533805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955798873765235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429293386714458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437753991261436,0.1185734584271096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6325055227087935,0.0,0.10068675047045794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705824066487923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090543696242106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155752167940976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14735456193336538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578519568919163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452610170406843,0.0,0.20270504404391168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12876420551697254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,golden-grace119,2019/05/17,"Verbal abuse and partner with PTSD *possible trigger warning* Hello. I’m new to reddit but need some advice. My boyfriend of almost two years has an issue where he’s pretty vile with his language when he’s angry. He’s got a short fuse, but it’s worse some months than others depending on his stress. He got back about almost two years ago from four years in military and currently in school. However he’s failing his classes and not showing up much. He lives at home with his parents and I was living with them for a bit during a transition, but now have my own place. When things are good he’s like the perfect boyfriend. My friend was in town this weekend and he was charming, sweet, loving, fun and so chill and down to earth. However when his stress is bad it’s like flipping a switch. This morning my phone alarm went off and I asked if he could pass it to me. He seemed disoriented and I couldn’t reach it and he asked he didn’t know what I was talking about and I said the phone on the table i can’t reach could you pass it to me, then he full on flipped out. He called me names and threw the phone at me and told me to leave. An example of the type of stuff he says I’ll post here a text. This has been going on for the duration of our relationship, but he’s had a really rough transition coming out of the military so I’ve been trying to be supportive and understanding since it seems very tough for veterans to come back and I don’t want him to feel isolated or alone. However I don’t know if I’m enabling the verbal abuse. He’s not a bar person but he grew up with a few father figures in his life that were pretty abusive verbally and physically. I’ve also dealt with my own ptsd from childhood trauma so I understand how hard it can be to control the urges to succumb to triggers and overwhelming emotions. However unlike me he doesn’t really take a mirror to himself and see how maybe some of his decisions and choices can only change if he makes an effort to do so, I did extensive therapy and self help tools and have reconnected with my spirituality and healed a lot, but he doesn’t seem to want to do the same or really take responsibility for his behavior. He just tries to break up with me and claims I want someone perfect and he doesn’t need someone that nit picks him for expressing himself when mad because that’s how he expresses himself and I should just know he doesn’t mean it. But I also grew up my whole life being abused emotionally, psychologically, verbally, sexually and physically and the most damaging to my self esteem was the unseen pain and wounds of the verbal and emotional abuse. When I was a kid I had no choice because I was a minor and it was either work hard and get out of there at 18 and get an education and a career and never look back, or be homeless. I don’t have to be trapped in an abusive cycle if I don’t want to, in this case I can walk away. I just don’t know if I should cause I know deep down he’s just dealing with unresolved pain and trauma and I know what that feels like and I was alone dealing with it a lot I want to be supportive and understanding without having to reverse or relive my own past pain with him. Any advice is helpful. I won’t take offense, just at a loss of what to do. Please ask any background or questions needed. The anger and outbursts and name calling is really the only issue in our relationship but I did notice when my friend was in town I was able to let go and laugh and have fun more than I have in months, he was there too and I had a blast with him, but made me realize the long term effect this is having on my trust and security and intimacy with him. Here is a text he sent after he told me to leave. “Fuck you I fucking am done with this relationship all you do is piss me off you fucking fat stupid loud self centered fucking bitch.”",4.215203345280763,5.194233508387099,5.187351254480287,83.43406391875749,70.69032258064516,8.424611708482677,27.126045400238947,8.735056554316923,1.8300102747909204,3039,99,628,52,54,997,319,775,0.171,0.711,0.11800000000000001,-0.9951,6,3,0,0,4,0,49.0,2,4,1,9,32,43,11,4,38,0,69,15,2,12,4,152,125,80,0,18,28,2,5,3,3,3,8,3,1,6,26,64,2,2,20,3,0,12,18,25,0,3,31,11,75,18,90,81,19,78,0,4,2,5,90,38,6,24,29,417,101,6,0.055844823832150066,0.39700190656756135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10914183105014903,0.049503066843341735,0.0,0.11184104859961784,0.11567679114488465,0.0,0.08931817088478257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595279041293887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662211535793352,0.0,0.05246805028949221,0.12882366729500594,0.0466280952599955,0.06808497255032754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096808394214344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404761791647995,0.0,0.0,0.05736801724032368,0.05907641885502585,0.09621074178552272,0.0,0.0,0.06263471850951031,0.08917509539059817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514712246592206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05714864368899361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18845373091012296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647364175749126,0.039895553304011434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629114472728815,0.20651055904528048,0.058353231084389785,0.0,0.06347580065656225,0.046839988690686715,0.08932841428062978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005198622466706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486321651265103,0.0,0.0560169116122641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657497428007114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841451282590128,0.0,0.0,0.1182632101644746,0.0,0.05710511597094702,0.07888970120059126,0.08184888028013793,0.0,0.09862400513677992,0.04942091175733119,0.04689558714072354,0.0,0.0,0.09495454438459076,0.05040213383600787,0.05284172258133168,0.037276853550124014,0.0,0.05610363159388674,0.060831384624307774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891496111842502,0.0,0.04105237110441497,0.1242246877930376,0.043070970863539663,0.05393527884821397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357970206990304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494500997697946,0.17826848973073042,0.0,0.06200906807627104,0.0,0.05331020332131667,0.0,0.048761546134963585,0.05834595493973481,0.061300846681843865,0.0,0.06295664803178164,0.05348390429608716,0.11362852482773388,0.0,0.0,0.13055922120861574,0.0,0.0625589833803441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310249654126087,0.0,0.0,0.1798693243615019,0.0,0.0,0.05312121580035482,0.04441004535842863,0.0,0.056517943130988776,0.04450109434050837,0.15251709069566602,0.1747749916813701,0.0,0.0,0.0461954153584408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463427601935542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794011403952696,0.0,0.06392896253076888,0.0,0.12674408858724148,0.0,0.0,0.12596507264309764,0.044885954031952405,0.0,0.0,0.06386342297671994,0.0,0.03710081951594928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067242446979377,0.0,0.0758299392630369,0.0,0.10910455662747384,0.17440929324827836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04607782820460416,0.16469361992848044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051768711177751774,0.0,0.0623487514749624,0.0,0.05383241734700695,0.0,0.04065569685844704,0.0,0.056910646441734776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788670681030356 ptsd,Regisaur_Alpha,2019/05/17,"Advice needed, I always feel trapped Hey guys, I've been struggling a lot lately. When I was young I had a very bad time with this man who was my piano teacher. :S Talking about it and describing what happened makes me uncomfortable. I can't do it. I've been having bad dreams and by the time I wake up certain memories that I don't want to remember come back. At home I am always paranoid, worried that I am being watched. I feel trapped, when I go outside for some fresh air I get lost and confused about where I am, what I am doing and where I am going. I'm always trying to find a place where I know I can be safe but I never feel safe. I live with my boyfriend and sometimes even being around him isn't working. How do I deal with this? Any advice?",1.8643131868131848,3.6687512371794884,3.2031501831501856,91.94423076923078,78.2948717948718,5.482783882783883,23.32234432234432,6.1826913282559595,0.4227652014652015,587,19,126,4,14,191,96,156,0.157,0.768,0.075,-0.7833,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,11,8,0,2,4,0,21,1,1,2,2,28,35,9,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,9,10,0,2,6,1,0,3,4,5,0,0,6,4,23,3,12,26,2,19,0,1,1,0,7,8,0,3,8,86,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099515561045494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958876058142113,0.0,0.0,0.10784904995847124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411818800830604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12194864778850625,0.2648379735792793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661429739388195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635029825222312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474954166781736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24056898679273225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495162824799038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285858228832729,0.0,0.18026473442106306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570325449808085,0.14024374932093572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908225796958125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715886552353339,0.0,0.17890042819122606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004100704230518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312359031639354,0.13483056179293512,0.0,0.0,0.1058624237230676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759510512628896,0.12231711996799595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569650107544198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965557211038802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685307261904036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579640905105264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747148518195878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495434456620133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076746076538344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085628504228447,0.09354258268558532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545799062139972,0.1610594446861786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JellyfishVR,2019/05/17,"A little more alive This month and especially today I made significant progress. I have truly broken my 5 year silence. I have been dating my boyfriend for 1.5 years. He, like me, is also a survivor of sexual abuse. I have never been with someone who understands and it is changing my perspective immensely. I've had some sort of mental block pertaining to the subject of my trauma that has kept me from talking about it, even if I wanted to. Sometimes it's okay, but recently the mental block has been eating me alive the past few months. My boyfriend is far away on a family trip but we got into a bit of a deep discussion over IM and I was able to tell him. He finally knows the war I've been fighting. I'm afraid I might regress and be unable to open up again about it. I couldnt say it out loud, but still I typed the words!! I think today has been very significant. Thank you for taking the time to read this.",4.202967032967031,5.34676786813187,4.976593406593405,84.31840659340659,70.86813186813188,8.237362637362638,26.08791208791209,8.617729084823388,1.6862395604395606,720,22,146,12,13,233,118,182,0.115,0.7659999999999999,0.11900000000000001,-0.6481,0,0,0,0,3,0,20.0,1,1,0,1,6,7,2,1,11,1,19,1,0,1,1,27,29,9,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,9,9,1,3,3,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,10,2,21,3,21,16,4,25,0,0,0,0,11,10,0,4,15,97,30,2,0.1597623994376698,0.18929231879275396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776193310973946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010203332828512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17441916208725708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690074348668663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16347681935148026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552155807350642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060977170040307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501189945957682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277765854032435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17257080675807096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780123658324455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780518384547414,0.16012389532482846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15117104524113634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220058442315953,0.16948265876073487,0.0,0.0,0.25504164601789875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321861148584325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525112877555598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15980563341189094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15774609556522018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704947242601308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536616259495562,0.0,0.15800909815783126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275864585644276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012144170119678,0.12841096497586665,0.13963937892132364,0.14708775264690335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236929463670774,0.0,0.0,0.0931587398872883,0.0,0.3028721482797356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631829213824528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182071120808608,0.09423200248937608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20576349444368164 ptsd,giantspacedildo,2019/05/17,"Roommates so I've been noticing that certain things that my roommates (and occasionally SO) do trigger me. I have a really intense startle response, sensitive to yelling and loud noises, & do not like being touched/poked. They are all really chill people but they just overwhelm me a lot of the time. I'm really not sure how to approach my roommates with this...if anyone has been in a similar situation, how did you resolve it?",4.6626039783001785,7.106511607594937,5.540542495479205,75.4407594936709,72.16455696202532,8.05858951175407,34.070524412296564,8.841846274778883,3.363743580470164,343,18,56,7,7,112,60,79,0.105,0.815,0.08,-0.2519,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,1,2,1,5,6,0,2,4,0,9,0,0,3,3,15,10,7,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,2,8,4,5,6,2,3,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262736283473152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105567098752457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711663641682274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25600948604075435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428378695307941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20876524175004546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5787337008689115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33848211352824936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838109386271502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000570230214348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559100126763266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,skye200shady,2019/05/17,"First Time Sleeping Alone TW: Sexual Assault This is my first time posting to this sub, but I felt the need to. Tonight is the first time I'm sleeping alone since the night I was assaulted a few months back. It's so terrifying even though rationally I know nothing bad is going to happen. It is just really hard to fall asleep with out getting flashbacks or feeling like I'm going to have a panic attack. I feel ridiculous for feeling this way, I hope I'm not alone with this.",2.2603191489361687,4.758671840425535,3.2653617021276595,88.39400000000002,80.59574468085106,5.887659574468086,24.293617021276606,7.1686216300943375,1.0833821276595752,379,14,74,5,10,121,61,94,0.292,0.584,0.124,-0.9667,0,3,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,5,8,4,1,5,0,6,3,3,0,0,14,20,4,0,2,4,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,3,1,6,0,3,2,5,6,2,9,18,1,16,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,11,44,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4758657263145756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17423539312267167,0.0,0.1177663833804422,0.12787763905479085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10115712561546304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323186032961298,0.10941363006261544,0.14705237097720678,0.0,0.0,0.3908195064703469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001692306625778,0.0,0.17408250283038698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354340490751763,0.0,0.1371963803133282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211701001452338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416972683493966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07482356943198365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224648827415548,0.0,0.0,0.11356214673231665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437251556740641,0.0,0.14695590647231538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796938472709936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14667970824628254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981147165593258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669101361000784,0.0,0.30653028178583364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15047355255758638,0.0,0.2679169221437803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156694074496904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Greysonthealien,2019/05/17,csa survivor I just really need to talk to someone plsase,1.4445454545454552,3.942690272727273,2.6459090909090897,85.88886363636364,100.8181818181818,5.836363636363638,23.681818181818183,7.1686216300943375,1.7836909090909097,47,2,8,1,2,15,10,11,0.0,0.7829999999999999,0.217,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4863754665058841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202156476499112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5557807103091021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5272243517703437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cshpolysci29,2019/09/08,"Medical trauma? This is my first post here, but I've been reading for a while. I wanted to see if there is anyone out there with medical related trauma? What have you found helpful, and how have you found resources? I keep trying to find resources and treatment options but a lot of it is geared towards the more studied traumas and it seems like I'm in this weird place. I've had about 20 surgeries and have spent my life in and out of hospitals and in the last few years it's just finally taken it's toll. I have no social life, I barely leave my house, I take more Xanax than I'd like to try to regulate things. But I am just not myself and really want to get better. I tried to go to this two week program at the McLean trauma unit, but had bad luck and my insurance company was closed that day?! So had to go home. I was looking into trying TMS, but it's contraindicated since I have a lot of surgical metal. I've tried ketamine. At this point I am honestly thinking about using a HELOC to get some form of residential treatment. I just don't even know. Thank you for reading this, I know it's a mess. I work in social work at a DV shelter and find it so hard to support others when I'm feeling so bad.",3.849480550284628,4.623531229838712,4.992153700189753,85.2545540796964,71.37903225806451,7.932068311195445,27.088235294117645,8.124751697461798,1.5889916508538895,947,31,198,13,17,313,135,248,0.14300000000000002,0.741,0.11599999999999999,-0.8527,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,0,4,14,15,0,0,9,0,17,5,0,2,0,43,41,21,0,3,10,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,1,0,16,14,0,1,9,2,1,2,3,8,0,2,10,4,21,7,31,31,7,25,0,0,2,0,6,14,0,7,10,133,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323488953164496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19878531190190524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10528038885615047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677035597485524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862418682109958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060189733402164075,0.0,0.0,0.13040148885443786,0.2175991172454748,0.10125457698637688,0.0,0.2610404045547969,0.0,0.0,0.1243860078018925,0.0,0.1353052999632555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663563017734497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978938321127893,0.0,0.11940589878843842,0.0,0.0,0.13735511087518668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580740000471868,0.0,0.0,0.13084152573705812,0.09703273463609016,0.0,0.12604519328947986,0.0,0.0,0.16816163915301602,0.11631295899025668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999628428376918,0.0,0.0,0.2024055305792047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398386904604524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437049793947355,0.0,0.11253040337398128,0.0,0.114006529088814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381425787456277,0.0,0.07625948006850505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485873129846263,0.10836870372986104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847035354180797,0.0,0.0,0.2426906934807314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508413243695908,0.0,0.0,0.08950257033691354,0.0,0.0,0.10959518750803378,0.0,0.0,0.07908427245602849,0.07627543312669778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40409859237907597,0.0,0.11628387991284182,0.0,0.0,0.10281154118125416,0.0,0.0,0.1404246620977671,0.0,0.09548596620687523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332372972844615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665726190676936 ptsd,Girafesarefab,2019/09/08,"My family says my ptsd isn’t real, because the abuse wasn’t really and I’m so so screwed up. I feel like they never liked me, my mom and dad were so so mean to me. At least that’s how it felt to me. My parents had me when they were very young. My dad was a drug dealer and my mom was fifteen. I was a premature baby and since my parents were kids, my grandmother (my moms mother) was practically raising me a lot of the time. But my parents resented me for something they allowed to happen. They tried to make it so I couldn’t see her but when they wanted to go out well they would stop saying that. I would always get caught in the middle of their fights, glasses getting thrown, some even hit me, getting knocked over, getting screamed at for being in the room when they were fighting. And then it got worse. Whenever I tried to Hug my parents they’d either tell me to go away or they’d ask me what I wanted and push me out of the way. They’d tell me they never wanted me. They got older and when I was seven had another kid. And overtime three more. My parents stopped with the non legal stuff but they still constantly had their issues with each other, and whenever they didn’t get along they would take it out on me. I was grounded for months at a time for no reason, everything taken out of my room. Sometimes even locked in. And I was a pretty good child. I was just really sad. Just wanted a family. In middle school I tried really hard to get away. I went to the police and showed them the bruises told them of the horror I was living, but since I was in an upper class family they said I had it good and I should be grateful. I’m transgender which is another reason they just really didn’t like me. One time when I went to the police my mom threw herself into a cabinet and said I threw her, and I ended up having to go through the legal system as a very naive autistic innocent kid who wouldn’t hurt a fly. I was constantly just told I wasn’t wanted, pushed, hit, and when I ran away on my 18th birthday they made me feel like a monster for leaving. And the rest of my family says that it wasn’t abuse. That I had a good childhood. But I remember laying in my bed begging to either die or get another family. I don’t know",2.5156828345373263,4.103386315904142,3.9286326109391134,88.41016253869972,75.81917211328977,7.010228184841187,22.53646370829033,7.7627490962704995,0.933162091503268,1745,48,368,25,38,576,193,459,0.128,0.785,0.087,-0.9669,7,0,2,0,6,0,44.0,0,0,22,0,22,16,4,0,24,0,40,3,0,6,2,68,83,37,1,11,13,12,4,4,0,5,1,6,3,4,15,25,0,2,8,1,0,11,12,7,1,3,40,11,82,9,50,30,8,63,0,2,1,2,54,28,1,4,26,266,97,4,0.0,0.15669704901452378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055022148563540464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20801670293811608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181890535284858,0.0,0.1863827266496748,0.0,0.0,0.04030980999478749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291747879937808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686283721487229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668519331119067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058568029328560325,0.0,0.0,0.08735122937363535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942980583870886,0.0,0.3116886481279095,0.0,0.06687060840849872,0.09448088840061553,0.06349135223551355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418368251670323,0.0,0.1127428286106016,0.16639011284470226,0.10577404299094556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058475023948078214,0.0,0.0592359283296505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078927550695671,0.0,0.0,0.06901838816052074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036341133016294186,0.0,0.0,0.07001791074498505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292233391615517,0.0,0.058390489987344765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621798025188533,0.0,0.06257004203023664,0.04413963397571464,0.0,0.0,0.07203062479354372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30978399676966234,0.052781160854400884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200093129313946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044808704688173766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671256164876433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727393834826345,0.0,0.0,0.07729778250401029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526589125215148,0.1694480949109293,0.13597713028563788,0.0,0.0,0.07490789380937052,0.0,0.12580198157657066,0.15775820330410398,0.0,0.06692306579759066,0.05269387914051162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940025946856773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090704329923738,0.06540032780169573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280832756121567,0.11056863267691752,0.0,0.0,0.0756984760733897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497185399756121,0.0,0.11559411783184258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567584773129595,0.0,0.0,0.12637249790858227,0.0,0.13468568741875425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091217888662345,0.19501420880396186,0.05248775931827036,0.0,0.0,0.05945523629007879,0.12259897202471096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738806696444269,0.14092208893960564,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Gotsims,2019/09/08,"Dealing with dissociation Do you guys have any tips because it’s been so fucking hard lately and I’m losing my fucking mind from the frustration. Left the stove on as I left the house last week, and today I misplaced the humidifier and almost cost my workplace dozens of bucks. I fucking hate myself right now. I know it’s not my own fault I’m like this and yet I direct so much anger inward. I can’t get my ritalin prescription because I’m abroad and it expired. I also went off fluoxetine. So my body is back to being as vulnerable as it used to be. I hate this. I don’t know when it’s going to happen an I don’t have any specific triggers. Do any of you guys know if there’s apps or resources to stop this? Particular foods that help? Anything. I’m literally on the verge of begging.",0.7485238095238103,3.2472844000000047,3.016428571428573,87.0066666666667,89.375,5.547619047619048,21.994047619047624,7.07126945348624,0.8975922619047623,624,23,126,10,21,212,96,160,0.151,0.802,0.047,-0.9488,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,1,9,10,7,0,6,0,11,6,1,2,0,17,28,15,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,2,9,6,1,1,3,0,2,2,4,9,0,1,2,1,18,1,15,24,2,18,0,1,0,3,6,7,3,3,10,79,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335163575986276,0.0,0.0,0.11448306377428115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29205618730915617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11780648925764008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007934124696406,0.0,0.17453506217909615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590157971048671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758917736566687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310671212378728,0.0,0.0,0.3970406234316078,0.07479392613499808,0.0,0.08135975090738072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834970197586869,0.1265937738483723,0.0,0.1282410712874726,0.2826769414515076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595550721052487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651846248402045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23602698368503505,0.11669253343362268,0.16148798400982406,0.0,0.31108225574375875,0.0,0.0,0.06993956166770679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015671200805806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454834460791127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10523729209132107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225578980643148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119686145765875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13569664540524745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12364218376046375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483237430982632,0.0,0.0,0.13270850946824844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ThereWillBeAnAnswer_,2019/09/08,"PTSD triggered by times of day? My ex abused me when I was not at work. It has been over a year and I still get anxiety in the evenings and mostly on the weekends when they aren't jam packed with plans. Just an impending sense of something bad is going to happen. Or extremely depressed. Anyone have worse PTSD symptoms at different times of day? Anyway to retrain my brain that everything will be ok? I just want to be able to look forward to a weekend and be able to enjoy it again!",3.311875000000001,5.130496437500003,3.84,88.905,74.20833333333334,6.883333333333333,26.583333333333336,7.645422480735847,1.407858333333334,382,14,77,5,8,120,72,96,0.153,0.7829999999999999,0.064,-0.884,1,0,1,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,1,2,8,4,0,0,5,1,10,2,1,1,0,11,15,6,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,1,7,2,16,9,1,18,0,1,1,0,2,6,0,2,12,55,10,1,0.3869610681400992,0.22924279470194656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14801207898407798,0.0,0.0,0.1352860880682687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615481642611843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21598826387658365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495578764599184,0.0,0.16664450048472992,0.0,0.0,0.20214597787069988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277920679948919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388782832530467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108559343704956,0.0,0.10995944627266656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17109419729886854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247491930115393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4523367809904356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895076773077606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451380443733626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20110035727214687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22564011069096984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141198319022984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408561331450353,0.0,0.19717319372184106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12459512043262498 ptsd,yikes789,2019/09/08,"Anyone else struggle with PTSD symptoms at work sometimes? I work as a sales representative for a major wireless carrier. I typically handle my job very well, but I've noticed that sometimes, my symptoms can make it challenging for me to do well at work and can impede my productivity. I work in a retail setting and aggressive customers, sudden loud noises and motions, and the pressure to be overly-hype all the time can really trigger me and put me in a dissociative or angry state at work. Does anyone else have similar challenges and have any advice on how to handle them?",9.928571428571429,8.82961804761905,9.90666666666667,61.44000000000001,59.0,11.82857142857143,41.0,10.793553405168565,4.677628571428572,465,21,71,9,5,154,70,105,0.10400000000000001,0.82,0.076,-0.6154,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,7,3,7,1,2,6,0,7,2,0,3,1,13,8,10,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,10,4,13,7,2,13,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,2,50,12,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820376375376718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313634376929592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120932150288398,0.3107942455484389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327217032866668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253390695541392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050256770464404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123652762409492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266983803438665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728645185535485,0.15246365255296654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715948681596884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29999805144573743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855156300578094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152727817495521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843617477460318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513822610111874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27272730328435857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5520639734993553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ABCmommy0813,2019/09/08,What games or soothing things do you do? I've had PTSD since I was 13. I've recently discovered these games called Fantasy mosaics and Travel Mosaics that seem to help me calm down and stay focused; but the problem is I can't afford to buy all of them or do a subscription to a gaming site that has the games.,7.461428571428572,5.7496960952380975,7.396825396825394,79.43428571428574,64.23809523809524,10.939682539682536,35.285714285714285,9.725611199111238,3.0704857142857143,246,9,51,4,3,79,47,63,0.057999999999999996,0.8290000000000001,0.113,0.1027,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,8,0,0,0,1,8,9,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,6,1,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,5,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,3,1,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646975590298183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23939502483321395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417513226462543,0.4174977974418165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352649768357291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251426126688748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29544422807549897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806821846735323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237279455067292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DudeBeingADude,2019/09/08,"No diagnosis yet, however I think I have PTSD I’m somewhat confused and have trouble accepting that I may have PTSD because of what I believe to have brought it about and I try not to downplay it, because some people here have been through much worse, but here’s my story: September of 2018 the woman I had thought I was going to marry left me suddenly and unprovoked, without a solid explanation for breaking it off with the person she had been dating for two years. This left me feeling betrayed and with no confidence in myself because of her lack of explanation. Fast forward a couple months later, I foolishly filled the void with a girl who I wasn’t into at all, setting me up for another breakup because it was doomed to fail from the beginning. Later, in February of 2019, was the most significant moment of my life. I was stressed beyond anything I had ever experienced at the time. I was juggling classes that were very hard, mentally preparing myself to move across the country for medical school, and bringing myself to be able to break up with the girl I was dating because I knew I didn’t want her following me. I was cramming for a practical the next day and I noticed my groin was numb, and I looked it up and that’s a sign of heart problems (which I was paranoid of because I have palpitations). My heart was already pounding from lots of coffee consumption and stress, so I called my mom (a nurse) to tell her and ask her if I should be worried, but when I was on the phone with her I had what I would describe as an extremely severe panic attack, which was also my first panic attack, so I had no idea what was going on. I was crying and saying bye to my mom as my heart felt like it was leaping out of my chest and I was making peace with the fact that I was goin going to die (in my head at least). I remember thinking that I was scared to die and leave my family, and I was praying that they be taken care of when I was gone. I went to the ER, they said it was a panic attack and I shouldn’t be worried. I tried not to be worried, but I was left with a baseline anxiety level that made life extremely difficult. I would question myself and wonder why I couldn’t just learn my lesson and move on, but as the months pass by I am only becoming more dissociated and feel as if I’m watching my life in third person. Anything related to my panic attack (seeing the girl I was going to leave, applying for jobs or school, talking about what I want to do with my life) brings a sense of panic where I can’t articulate my words. Negative thoughts related to these things constantly possess my mind, to the point where suicidal thoughts enter my mind because the pain of not being able to simply relax and enjoy my day as I used to be able to, or put myself out there to get a job or go back to school is maddening. If anyone could elaborate on my experience and let me know if it’s relatable or sounds like PTSD I’d be really happy to talk with you about it. I begin therapy Monday and will soon have my medication tuned in. I’m just happy I was brave enough to fight this head on and endure the mental anguish that comes with it.",7.3688430521091774,6.116799368589746,7.842373862696442,74.68864764267991,64.12820512820512,10.872125723738627,34.872622001654264,9.935076216389866,3.2570966294458232,2482,92,479,44,31,824,283,624,0.231,0.691,0.078,-0.9988,3,0,0,0,1,0,50.0,0,1,2,3,20,31,5,10,28,0,62,14,6,3,3,97,102,44,3,14,18,2,4,2,0,6,8,3,0,6,29,36,0,0,17,1,0,19,13,22,1,3,45,11,86,9,89,40,10,76,2,2,3,0,29,30,0,16,29,364,115,8,0.17851733283354826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566610529883735,0.04758674885681754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623969962296542,0.04552175699807909,0.0,0.0,0.041607823283983034,0.0,0.09793636950631814,0.0,0.055629869376939985,0.2707856502627887,0.0,0.04575626991055416,0.0,0.2539191880338233,0.06571945624004125,0.0,0.06704263414831982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076205208580306,0.0,0.06067010612678544,0.0,0.0,0.05125895841039688,0.0,0.06430460578290262,0.0,0.04751052139333645,0.06584201110879474,0.06536430252983028,0.0767526075381125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235152048194448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061485375169367786,0.0,0.0,0.053826382619376105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582080687672354,0.056096751253236606,0.0,0.06017581821755559,0.0,0.0571348782587939,0.0,0.0,0.05061558403753146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031089312791444487,0.0,0.16909252363809169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669001354508516,0.05330548861374156,0.0,0.12214019049265992,0.0,0.0,0.21154389893520034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717477985488053,0.0,0.0,0.11810060477397205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03270281916457925,0.0,0.0,0.12601605306847374,0.19395960445831653,0.060848689247215135,0.16812276208676874,0.05814303437579299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04996986628034094,0.0,0.0,0.050589684178282926,0.0,0.056305805565211586,0.0397205686254003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989162123590548,0.11993565584762066,0.0,0.12016774439383368,0.13938489509802215,0.0949938879420252,0.12649044874278534,0.04374359336674462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328506956782129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774772221197001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525682530633949,0.0633183428475675,0.3490860439534798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04125381371945105,0.1039162995304898,0.0,0.0,0.056252193809662496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693899274309639,0.2086772089839536,0.05981974210529861,0.06666008946149288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03812092487024265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740844607538746,0.0,0.056603621194194736,0.047321382743440714,0.05957566425562999,0.1806690714130922,0.0474184005171138,0.0,0.0,0.06722459105444234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632733440914746,0.0,0.0,0.06508966252810969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09565698001014884,0.05201067245549099,0.0,0.06805004267832934,0.0,0.03953299453400223,0.07625779911051167,0.0,0.1417228216902579,0.034698297457868045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080103387232837,0.0,0.05812849819846224,0.0,0.0,0.05139388615872685,0.0,0.0490984984784022,0.0701960987532226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055162452008441484,0.05369470876246234,0.0,0.0,0.057361446148554186,0.06453147747280033,0.0,0.1812930169300164,0.0606414711066004,0.0845423942216359,0.0,0.0,0.038319769808047084 ptsd,spekkje,2019/09/08,"My mind is making everythink up? Am I doing this all to myself? This is maybe a strange not making any sence story. But I really need to get this a bit somewhere beside my head. I’m not native english so sorry for any bad grammer or sentence. I really feel like I’m making everything up. I am torturing myself. I’m doing it all myself and there is no problem if I just act normal. I have a trauma, wel more then one. But this is a about one. I don’t know what I can share here or how to give a trigger warning. So for now I will not tell what happend. Partly because writing it down will not help me now (my head is a mess right now). The ‘problem’ is I have no image on what happend. It’s all from sounds mostly. Sirines, things that have been said, other sounds that where there and more. I have some ‘images’ ofcourse but that is from inside the room where I was when the things happend in room next to me. During EMDR (more then year ago) we created some images. (Like going to the room next to me) That images keep popping up in my head. Mostly triggerd by sounds (sirines, people screaming erc). But it feels a lot like I’m now keep adding images by all the sounds. Back then when it happend (3,5 years ago) i wrote down a little bit what happend. I also wrote down 3 names involved in the story. One I never forget (Involved in other trauma) the other two I keep forgetting. Last night I decided I need to know atleast one of the two names I keep forgetting. I look for the story I wrote. Found the name and readed a bit more. (One/two lines) At that moment my mind went crazy. A whole “movie” started in my head about what happend. And a saw images on what happend but I never have seen. I know it was very stuppid to go read what I wrote down. But my head is stuck in that place everyday because it get triggerd easy (sirines trigger and a ER is close by so sirines all day) and getting EMDR again on this subject. So thats the reason I looked for the name. And before I readed it I allready created a lot off images. Even outside the EMDR but in the last years. Long story short: I’m creating images more and more from a traumatic event. It is impossible that I have seen any of those images because I was in a other room at that moment. Is it normal that my brain is doing this? Do more people have this? I’m also talking about this with the therapist. But it’s good to hear from people with same experience",1.2132428321545383,3.556500938398357,2.7559696554871103,91.36662464826223,83.76386036960986,4.921575785230816,20.106814206403527,6.238725200709706,0.15523715871929422,1875,54,380,16,54,612,190,487,0.075,0.87,0.055,-0.7328,0,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,1,0,0,0,25,13,1,0,30,0,33,6,6,7,7,80,74,31,0,7,16,0,2,3,0,2,0,7,4,0,43,12,0,4,8,3,0,4,9,8,1,6,15,14,44,5,48,57,24,66,0,0,5,0,19,32,0,9,33,277,87,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478619755025606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1215970786598152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510232697535162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845985368988162,0.06347913432308115,0.1390355458594156,0.0,0.0646931378250895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24900445761750697,0.0,0.0,0.08487096140977367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04903094390961271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05021493055505548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832791237147526,0.07436871909259914,0.0,0.0,0.07688278645842543,0.05431350289900797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335937271191607,0.0,0.0,0.11916246761326955,0.07293175603063236,0.08641547233862769,0.06376760442836908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3901267345334996,0.0,0.08568763722163626,0.0,0.05095910684712945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703041625365135,0.0,0.0,0.12534688867854912,0.12394384548371094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11142844322775293,0.07619874488907884,0.0,0.0672812534657473,0.12768659147094802,0.0,0.0,0.12927039468300575,0.0,0.0,0.15224527490062273,0.0,0.07637905743528199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353062584077076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274569689778938,0.11727298443682613,0.0,0.1617105552931207,0.07134592513653276,0.14898008429070678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575883602684311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823295274036798,0.0,0.15812206188812108,0.0,0.07943173938750815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454946039752624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22814187727861615,0.0,0.09740932531405136,0.07816812886699809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06492640221011513,0.07231881925250297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510568698004294,0.05381210267331546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110739650260868,0.06645070299664065,0.0,0.0,0.08827287995641528,0.10101754714265214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228011706289124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627300049381474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047752974384773,0.0,0.08488111615297245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687614227214296 ptsd,Brodymack,2019/09/08,So im 17 and I had a spinal AVM So about a year ago (September 18th to be exact) I was having some back pain. That pain escalated and after i tried getting up my legs weren't able to hold my body weight. After my dad tried to help me move around thinking it was a pinched nerve and he ended up getting me to the couch. He had me moving my legs up and down like i was marching while sitting hoping that would do something but all it did was keep me focused on the fact that more time went on the less i was able to use my legs and the less i could feel them at all. It happened in the spand of an hour. But i was off to the hospital and that kinda fades in and out. The last thing i remember was that damned room right before you go into surgery. Next thing i know is that im in urgent care and i cant feel my legs or move them at all. I have about a 6 inch incision on my back witb staples in and my family are in the room waiting for me to wake up. Fast forward to now. Im walkin and my feeling is not exactly up to par but its way better than what it was. Im coming up on the anniversary of it and I've been losing sleep rewatching everything that happened. All those memories and emotions flood back into my head and everytime i feel so scared just like when it all happened. So i thought id share. Not 100% if this counts as ptsd but im not sure what else to call it.,1.1867909867909887,2.713175414141414,2.8501851851851865,94.97391025641028,79.37037037037038,6.1853923853923884,21.187386687386688,7.010146845296331,0.2756118622118624,1066,29,255,12,26,352,158,297,0.062,0.846,0.091,0.7777,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,2,2,13,12,1,1,14,0,23,12,9,1,9,54,43,26,0,4,10,1,5,2,0,1,2,0,3,0,21,18,1,3,8,0,0,7,5,5,0,0,15,5,31,7,42,25,9,54,0,1,0,0,9,28,1,5,21,173,52,1,0.19706792366304146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734441196458616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08771611644308466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272996035298609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384514414941494,0.0,0.0,0.08714528196250525,0.0,0.10944901870318906,0.0,0.0,0.10061419178735766,0.0,0.10046194103154696,0.0,0.0,0.0848782833246159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867135074102287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231248150841057,0.11083744475177564,0.08727184375339057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855597138763471,0.0,0.09288904991672564,0.0,0.1992869268652281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10295985643534264,0.0,0.05599912122489472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26139977110262275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112427188781688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06604523760889465,0.0,0.0,0.09786645694623924,0.09703610424891584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5321679364539255,0.0,0.0,0.08758151263792678,0.0,0.0,0.05415168853688272,0.08031833004538745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627743321644347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023429927814818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141780230966503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479198625124722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969416509918465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518092847771386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161977070720837,0.08414746502369802,0.0,0.0,0.09864968518197408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860512188034627,0.0,0.0,0.07585625775172966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286709292466884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092317186245975,0.06313658411463942,0.0,0.07822495934388607,0.05745594553309069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379618428895565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510170642969367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782116725234583,0.0,0.1199878203069228,0.0,0.09134196978734067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699956994076367,0.0,0.0,0.06345264085666191 ptsd,CaliforniaBaer,2019/09/08,"Self destruction initiate I am in my last week of stationary treatment, where we can go home and see how it goes over the weekend before I start in the day clinic. Ive made it ten weeks with being sober and focusing on my health. This weekend i threw it all away by smoking weed even though i know they drug test me. I cant stop destroying all the progress i make the second it looks like theres hope. What do i do?",3.6456201550387632,4.4920750348837215,4.269767441860466,89.97968992248066,71.90697674418605,8.058914728682172,25.96124031007752,8.344100000000001,1.3789751937984498,327,10,73,5,6,104,67,86,0.043,0.807,0.15,0.8079999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,1,1,5,4,2,0,4,0,7,3,0,3,2,12,16,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,6,4,0,1,1,2,0,2,1,2,0,2,2,2,13,2,8,13,2,16,0,0,2,0,3,6,0,1,9,48,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22811945758008356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660570044164306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658650747702285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815719839014898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16036771825793486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798935862246453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580860248945773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24354912030837045,0.2411560990471593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334370362620268,0.19791515663398296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862026553952568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038916224715109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297441019123353,0.16207149999338766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19348089831174747,0.0,0.2532943132753334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718557414098127,0.0,0.0,0.202992441668472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385506718879806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895205062303169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Arshis616,2019/09/08,"Partner forgets my triggers So now I guess either my partner doesn’t care about my triggers, thinks it’s more important to appease our roommates or just forgets. It makes me want to curl up in a ball and sob. And no one notices.",3.244333333333333,5.34994626666667,3.744166666666669,88.25625000000002,75.22222222222223,5.388888888888888,33.47222222222222,5.985473137389443,1.847555555555556,182,10,34,1,4,57,37,45,0.087,0.727,0.18600000000000005,0.5799,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,13,6,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,5,6,2,3,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,2,1,25,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4465741955075237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4825107071295892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29237102275577265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4986703745177825,0.0,0.0,0.2968027968979243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806552309121161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583460647240177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Bawn147,2019/09/08,"Could I have PTSD? Hi. I have never really felt normal. At least not in a long time. I am depressed and on medication for it. It doesn't seem to do anything but that's not why I am here asking. My friend and I were talking a few days ago and he pointed out that I might have PTSD. Some background: When I was a child (11 I think), my house was broken into. I was in bed. They came through the bathroom window. I was in the next room. They came into my room and said ""Get out of the bed"". I said ""no"". They repeated and so did I. I said ""stop messing Tony"". I for some reason thought it was my dad's friend playing a joke. One of them then hit me in the head with what I thought at the time was a bar. It was actually a knife. A big one. Blood started to run down my face and I was dragged out of the bed and downstairs. I was held hostage for the next few hours while they robbed my house. I bled quite a lot and me and my family were tied up. Since my friend mentioned it, I decided to look it up. I seem to have some of the symptoms. I mean, I am always paranoid and anxious. If I hear a car outside I run to the window to check who it is. I hear a noise in the middle of the night and I have to check. I avoid any form of confrontation. I sometime have a kind of sense of dread if that makes sense. I prefer to be alone. I do not trust people. I believe I have had panic attacks. Among other things. I spoke to a therapist a few years ago and this part of my life came up. He said ""if you had seen a therapist then, you wouldn't be be here now"" but he never elaborated and I couldn't afford to continue seeing him. I actually have 3 questions. 1. Could this be PTSD? 2. Can PTSD last 20+ years? 3. If I suspect that I have PTSD and I go to a therapist, will they believe me?",-0.6491680931187958,1.3993654645669302,1.5772252653200949,98.50689233139336,89.89238845144354,4.6778728745863285,17.99389478489102,6.16605037968941,-0.3940585872418128,1346,37,329,13,46,450,177,381,0.11900000000000001,0.8320000000000001,0.049,-0.9731,1,2,0,0,1,0,59.0,0,2,6,1,5,14,2,3,26,0,41,7,3,2,2,60,68,25,0,10,9,1,1,0,3,3,3,7,7,1,17,23,1,3,12,3,2,7,9,7,0,2,27,11,59,7,43,30,10,54,0,1,3,0,30,23,0,12,24,232,76,0,0.0,0.0,0.1556774396128881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141296746251147,0.0,0.0,0.08261204479566259,0.0,0.0,0.0663705168759804,0.0,0.0,0.054242646790663054,0.0,0.0,0.09011126657483036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563944950448113,0.0,0.07456911095061503,0.0907437201652433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973472453630798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27368827558341946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737104655398895,0.0,0.0,0.05144155263495016,0.0,0.0687011122599213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519494320268255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658650152782796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18487774020506192,0.0,0.041673698696200696,0.0,0.045332046604859136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08186146685571638,0.0,0.17980094808809624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785520398168372,0.18407522216204375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306253119637642,0.0,0.06501877531648369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05634007880921306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058913954183757,0.0669821544537142,0.0,0.0,0.06781298994044953,0.0,0.0,0.05324347373134023,0.0,0.0,0.08688700683737324,0.0,0.08035441846368323,0.0,0.08461760983679242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303871638053344,0.0,0.16966106255415542,0.07485365099162647,0.07815234866503552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810108177665446,0.0,0.0,0.0935865434682068,0.0,0.08637726259470699,0.0,0.05529871356586248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540330632426441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662026031420539,0.0,0.0893545798813704,0.08483944478340233,0.0,0.0,0.05109922974882145,0.08201126869798847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3034975099751829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356203976145054,0.14522934812825006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598208136956106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888920504520901,0.0,0.056457777300183434,0.0,0.0,0.06668675699352977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829059355710933,0.0,0.06411174460293076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778384610882219,0.05299203986335562,0.051109919422879735,0.0,0.12664832679780766,0.0930227312022328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197512307711372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273154326703438 ptsd,thetraindwarfwasreal,2019/09/08,"I guess I just need validation..TW suicide Hi guys, I’m new to this sub so here goes.. My dad committed suicide a few years ago. He was in a different state but I got the phone call and had to handle a lot of it. I was 18 at the time and pretty quickly after started suffering from severe depersonalization episodes. A few years later I was finally diagnosed with PTSD, but I’ve always felt that I couldn’t own that diagnosis because others have suffered much worse. I’m constantly in fear of something horrible happening to the ones I love, loud bangs immediately make me think of gun shots, seeing suicides in tv/movies sends me into such an overwhelmed state that I can’t move or speak, and I have an extremely exaggerated startle reflex. I’m constantly thinking about the events leading up to it and that day and what he must of looked like. I guess I just need validation that my ptsd is just as valid as any other. It’s getting so bad but I keep minimizing it.",4.127624113475175,5.920877223404254,5.428851063829789,78.4636666666667,71.97872340425532,8.630354609929078,29.022695035460988,9.21078282632365,2.5521158865248235,770,31,147,17,15,257,123,188,0.218,0.7040000000000001,0.078,-0.985,1,0,1,1,0,3,18.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,0,3,10,0,10,2,0,2,2,28,29,13,3,4,7,1,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,13,7,0,1,3,0,0,3,2,6,0,1,6,5,16,2,20,21,5,25,0,3,2,1,10,6,0,4,15,92,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833942295406301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108243903231264,0.0,0.0,0.09078436915496887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114666673880453,0.08138017376728128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363181127366554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885314830454199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609625784558793,0.0,0.0,0.1354993782715712,0.0,0.13947876524746394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022426977446995,0.0,0.0,0.12818064084930933,0.146242388292917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974807960772415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677189993929677,0.0,0.2941299255059384,0.1321856848843034,0.1180533376504601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866066109894312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522120668092497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121061193822102,0.0,0.0,0.11349666501369313,0.12048868512898753,0.0,0.08911208173475257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188904636960015,0.09813763504323053,0.1979766616157166,0.0,0.12893483541055806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046284699138772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358171818100605,0.0,0.0,0.3121079941986977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638197107556374,0.0,0.0,0.1508166539387856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277458589376044,0.0,0.0,0.09449176984061074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43808098886957336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108242561519407,0.0,0.0,0.07784474457762458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13604759238797404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719388506944962 ptsd,emiratestrack,2018/12/23,"Sod’s law? TW: Rape I started therapy about 9 weeks ago. External triggers were few and far between. Really just wanted to get my compulsive checking and anxiety under wraps. Since I started I have seen my rapist more in these 9 weeks than I have in the past year and a half. This varies from usual seeing the back of his head in my office to walking past him on the sidewalk miles away from where I would ever expect to see him. If I wasn’t so focused on grounding myself I think I may have laughed? My exposure went from trying a level 1 “try not to scan the room every hour” to a level 10 “here he is right beside you in a place you would never have thought” When we spoke, I never, ever saw him outside of work and my scanning / checking behaviour only begins when I’m in the I’m weirdly happy it happened, it catapulted me into 1000 different emotions and ultimately I think we ripped the band aid off just at the right time. My overall anxiety has dropped and I have started to verge into the angry stage, which, granted is not great I’d rather be ambivalent but it’s better than the panic stage that’s for sure. Last week I attended a Christmas party, as I walked up to the restaurant I recognised the bar. It’s where I had been that night before it happened. In my head I had blocked out the name and exact location but there I was, immediately forced to deal with what was in front of me. I don’t know if it’s Sod’s law or a blessing in disguise for my recovery but there you have it. The world is weird sometimes. I think I’m overcoming this ",2.427002652519896,4.516204025641027,3.809708222811675,86.91115384615387,77.65384615384616,6.482935455349248,25.18169761273209,7.503015589744147,1.3020144562334222,1224,45,243,17,29,402,179,312,0.1,0.8220000000000001,0.078,-0.6677,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,2,3,0,2,15,11,2,1,19,0,22,5,2,1,6,45,44,17,0,7,11,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,14,13,1,1,5,2,2,5,6,5,0,1,12,7,39,6,40,28,2,62,1,0,6,2,14,31,0,4,23,168,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080712161756881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18653087847731228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11454413568146946,0.09374591168153763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374157309945643,0.0,0.0,0.10782483268053472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569008707484602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737631648607933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713913898678093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22056008153797396,0.10271952447017067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636961005974439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344128678702493,0.0,0.0,0.2156199084803183,0.12978189485230396,0.0,0.0,0.25024206590865444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006274429305305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700186888338977,0.09937784700782787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18805833658026896,0.0,0.0,0.11440994758843605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272264449109452,0.0,0.1430422082468389,0.0,0.0,0.23276531636879,0.0,0.0,0.12737631648607933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810253902012218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20823126926309515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430260358402945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008502106612258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057808396714555,0.0,0.25887840831956843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11490442776280647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394216203225965,0.0,0.0,0.2343566329079255,0.0,0.09678772003199416,0.07109022512857242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554598091102324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427329725692652,0.0,0.07190924092995413,0.0,0.29338108763056786,0.0,0.0,0.1130173933371175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875633135754771,0.0,0.0,0.17321131808908916,0.0,0.0,0.07850993455332833 ptsd,NocturnalPoet,2018/12/23,"Weighted blankets and circulatory issues? Hi, all. I wondered whether anybody could fill me in on why weighted blankets are contraindicated for those with circulatory issues? I have Googled to no avail. Thanks, Poet",6.351176470588236,10.285001176470594,5.803176470588237,65.5682941176471,81.35294117647058,6.249411764705883,39.15294117647058,7.554174236665415,4.049607058823529,176,11,22,3,5,54,29,34,0.062,0.846,0.092,0.264,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,6,5,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,5,4,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21520470433468986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5626567095416146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481550039373169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6564509989899148,0.0,0.0,0.24321673567623014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29230320195480897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,middayfirework,2018/12/23,"What is this, is it ptsd? Hi, I am not seeing my therapist again until the new year but I do have emergency numbers for mental heath support and medical support if necessary. I don’t feel this is at all I just don’t know what it is so I thought I would see if any one else understood it. My normal primary impacts from ptsd are disassociation, weepiness/ depression , agoraphobia and extreme sensitivity to ... well, most sensory things, but the normal scary noises, and ‘space invasion’ the most. Since Thursday I have had a pretty good run! No panic attacks, very few ‘jumps’ ( today I learned that I had forgotten what the spin cycle of the washing machine sounded like and was scared for a moment) but things that normally trigger me ( people at the door for example) have been just fine. I have been out of my ‘agoraphobic friendly’ safe zones without concern and have hardly cried. I have made lots of changes which might support this. Some cannot be permanent unfortunately. Last night I did have a hard time falling asleep, just a bit of hyper vigilance but nothing off the scale. However, this morning I felt very weird. The best way I can describe it is while my ‘head’ feels low stress/ low reaction my body feels highly reactive. My legs are shaky , my hands/ fingers weak, And I feel like after a big surge of depleting adrenaline: when the trigger and reaction is gone but it’s depleted me and I am weak ( and ashamed and embarrassed ) The only other thing I note is that my husband feels tired too ( maybe we are getting a little virus?). And my cycle is about to begin. Maybe if we are getting a virus and/ or just that I am due and I am making changes in my day these are somatic and I should ignore them not pander to them. I’m quite keen to see go on outside walks but don’t really want to overwhelm myself, so I am trying to get the balance right with facing my triggers and taking care of myself. ",4.891057761362468,6.499249171745156,5.543004001231152,79.1360962347389,69.74792243767314,8.561444547040116,30.821893916076746,9.049649993220411,2.705539776341439,1505,63,273,29,27,487,209,361,0.17300000000000001,0.7,0.127,-0.9540000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,2,0,2,2,11,28,1,7,18,0,41,12,7,5,1,66,68,30,0,9,17,1,10,2,1,3,5,1,1,0,22,19,0,2,10,0,0,6,8,15,1,1,11,14,40,13,27,53,8,36,0,4,3,0,7,13,0,10,18,195,62,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714734604579559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233227616885524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036227112335942,0.0,0.10779972685545504,0.10967912222635984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067315029454296,0.0,0.20891001994465333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846248132040703,0.06367985229855308,0.0,0.0850455800295138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248553369490283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24963237985990866,0.07054067424852847,0.09480695771304293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628714263411679,0.0,0.15476447590184803,0.0,0.056116852706099334,0.08281936482636186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769052935401413,0.0,0.10133687362253478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432541216423792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426553601094528,0.08048718976599177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964798450502583,0.09896454020580966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394616729350345,0.0,0.0934312330734372,0.06591046283408744,0.0,0.19839744897213327,0.0,0.0,0.0994712880385911,0.09950782253116393,0.10474872200110356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09536478681579937,0.0,0.09266185009967344,0.2902359920058021,0.09474476554180984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690953682620927,0.07509706949247419,0.0,0.1158514267148791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845465838022963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004552148222502,0.0,0.0,0.2308461653166873,0.0,0.0,0.10502333300934866,0.0,0.0,0.06325608844014494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432437504442973,0.0,0.0,0.09885708439294023,0.0,0.2360516603684652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167967296364302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310761676883935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33615075085549473,0.0,0.0,0.07424103206271812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464604817633076,0.19679763335165068,0.0,0.0,0.07838941800197359,0.05757673981385191,0.11348838944603648,0.0935950341291822,0.0,0.0,0.06703873741364734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629435262968929,0.05824006954187432,0.07837610324758873,0.0,0.0,0.08878012318691139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518291392399944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701428570270593,0.0,0.0,0.06358604247495513 ptsd,Whimsynymph,2018/12/23,"Boyfriend is having some serious PTSD episodes, please help! I really need some help— I’m not sure what to do, I want to take him to a hospital because I feel like this is starting to get out of control and become kind of scary, but I’m not sure to even do that. Any advice at all would help. I’m just gonna jump right into this. A few nights ago I was laying in bed next to my boyfriend, when suddenly I felt the bed shaking— so I look over and for a second I see him shaking violently before he shot up completely out of bed and started screaming. I quickly got up and started yelling, “What’s wrong? What’s going on!?” And tried to hold him because he was falling over and just kept screaming at the top of his lungs. I’ve never heard a man or anybody scream like that, it was pure terror. My first two thoughts were that he was having a seizure, a stroke maybe even a heart attack? I put my arms under his and hugged him from the front to hold him up because he was falling over and I kept saying, “It’s okay, it’s okay!” To try and calm him, it worked; he stopped screaming and was just breathing hard— but he started to slump in my arms and his back was to our dresser and my back was to our bed, so I didn’t want him to fall against the dresser so I pivoted to try and get him to land on the bed. But instead it startled him or something and he pushed me away and got into a defensive stance? And started to almost scream again but instead he looked right at me and growled. I put my open hands up and said, “It’s me! It’s okay! It’s me!” And he kind of grunted and crawled into bed and pulled the covers over himself. I was silently freaking the fuck out so I grabbed my phone and went out into our living room and flipped all the lights on— it started to make sense what was going on so I didn’t want to spook him again, so I was making sure all the lights were on so he could see. This all happened within 5 minutes— to sum it up, I went back into our room once I saw him kind of sit up in bed. He held a full conversation with me with his eyes open for 20 minutes, I thought he was awake until he kind of looked at me and asked, “Were we just talking?” He also didn’t recall anything that just happened, at all. It’s been four days now and it’s been non stop every night, we’ve slept in separate rooms for the past three. He’s probably only had a total of five hours of sleep for the past four days and he can’t seem to form sentences— when he talks it’s all mashed together and he cannot for the life of him control his body movements since night one. Think of a super hyped up kid, he’s super hyper and can’t hold still. But he says he feels exhausted but when he tries to lay down his mind just won’t stop and he cannot hold still. Tonight, I locked our bedroom door, (with him knowing) and tonight for the only thirty minutes he slept ( which was around 4:00AM), he had a dream that I cut off his beard when he was laying out on the couch and in his DREAM state he WALKED to the bedroom door and tried to open it. He jingled the door handle multiple times and I woke up from my sleep just staring at the door— I admit I’m starting to get nervous and extremely uncomfortable. He walked away from the door and at one point I got up and found him laying out on our couch and I asked him what he was doing— that’s when he told me he was dreaming and went to get into our bedroom to get something in his sleep. I’ve asked if we should take him to the hospital, he said no, there’s nothing that they can do— that it’ll pass eventually. But right now, I’m very concerned for his health considering he hasn’t hardly slept in four days. It has less to do with the PTSD and more with his health as far as taking him to the hospital. Some important points: - This is the month of his friend that died in Iraq, today’s the actual day. We believe this is the actual cause of this PTSD episode. - First time this has ever happened in the year we’ve dated and lived together. - He takes medication before bed that’s suppose to help him sleep and help his PTSD and it isn’t doing anything. We’ve even tried taking drug store sleeping medication with it and it absolutely does not work. - He’s made an appointment at the VA this coming Thursday— but he has work Monday-Friday. His boss knows what’s going but this has definitely worsened and I know for sure he cannot go to work on Monday if this magically isn’t over today. - He is a recovering addict and this will be his FIRST year dealing with his friends death sober. It’s been eight years since his friends death. - He’s reached out to his Sponsor who also suffers from some bad PTSD and he says this is normal, but I’m starting to wonder when it isn’t going to be. I texted him tonight letting him know what happened and asking if there is anything I can do. - His counselor who knows everything says that this is normal and it will pass— and I believe that but I’m very concerned about his health right now. And lastly I’ve already been told by his counselor to absolutely not interfere with him when he’s having an episode in his sleep as it could end badly— like him taking a swing or something. Which I 100% understand. Just that first night I didn’t know what was going on at first and thought he was hurt or something and I was about two seconds away from calling 911. Alright, that’s pretty much it, I’m super frazzled so maybe I missed some things— I’m freaked out and worried for him and me. Any advise would help tremendously and if you guys need more information on something I’ll provide it. 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I have mostly learnt to cope with my ptsd through treatment and a lot of self care but I still find myself struggling at Christmas more than normal. Little bit of background - my family doesn’t really believe i could have had ptsd because in their eyes that’s reserved for veterans and refugees. I think they partly struggle to acknowledge my trauma because if they did, it would mean that they could have done more. I’ve learnt to cope with that mostly - after all, we can still enjoy spending time together as long as we stay clear of these topics. But around Christmas I really find myself stuck with difficult emotions, occasional nightmares and reminders that are probably worsened by me not being able to speak to them. Then there is also that pressure of having to be ok at Christmas. I also feel that really I’m stronger for having survived all of this and that this is part of my story but I feel like I can’t share this part of me because they’d see it as a weakness or attention seeking thing. I’ve found that the best thing to do is try to take them in small doses and make excuses to get a break by taking the dog out. Confession - i have also lied that i have to return to work 3 days earlier than I do (planning to spend those back at my own place with Netflix, chocolate and pizza). What have people noticed helps them?",8.283792577529233,7.290737473309612,7.565259278088457,76.57282028469753,62.16725978647687,10.306151499745807,34.66217590238943,9.23628265651192,2.9848218607015764,1174,41,214,16,14,365,158,281,0.10099999999999999,0.775,0.124,0.8431,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,2,1,8,5,9,13,0,3,6,1,28,4,1,1,3,44,41,18,0,5,6,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,21,16,1,0,11,1,3,0,3,6,0,0,5,6,31,7,47,30,13,24,1,0,2,0,17,12,0,5,11,164,52,1,0.10198016586666918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446605053974687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130690313093634,0.1044907313888447,0.0,0.18156793734410187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841645269150277,0.0,0.1864984876999306,0.0,0.0,0.11489672473919932,0.10702189240082384,0.0,0.11133592849501188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397557572283986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628457284858287,0.0,0.0,0.06576877037537547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892435303821326,0.10436111643893356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519134277253386,0.11471396044493558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227564875351752,0.0,0.10312847204664698,0.07285465087174907,0.0,0.0,0.2796240722269693,0.0,0.0,0.1118159881366366,0.0,0.0,0.05328042758921021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135419767057404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683551555307913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619664961940424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982235782530565,0.10221091734926033,0.0,0.09024923766333263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669989017459978,0.0,0.0,0.06807255260496756,0.0,0.0,0.11108629713886972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999189101099336,0.0,0.11610509475919115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313037452169603,0.0,0.07070020651157187,0.0,0.10654756795880248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995186715602284,0.0,0.3576280697284411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195993316816732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126498877915092,0.0,0.10638755404668764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869728792104144,0.16288298438854512,0.0,0.0,0.2132236232634682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533527862869978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355021815234973,0.06534477250874249,0.0,0.0,0.11893090963924892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06923783846956957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424277532884863,0.0,0.0,0.07244378387778197,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ForUBatman,2018/12/23,"Trying not to overwhelm him Guys, my boyfriend has ptsd. The Holidays are specially hard on him. The first time we had an argument was last Xmas cause I didn’t even know much of the trauma on him. Is it ok to insist with him how much i care for him, the fact that I want his company as he is important to me when I know he gets triggered by Xmas to etc? Or I leave him alone and give him space...",4.071785714285717,3.7875073690476206,4.869142857142858,90.07585714285715,70.54761904761905,9.100952380952384,26.323809523809523,8.841846274778883,1.4402695238095242,305,8,74,5,5,99,62,84,0.111,0.748,0.141,0.4055,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,5,1,7,0,0,3,1,12,13,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,1,16,3,11,10,3,7,0,1,0,0,13,3,0,1,4,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571804106406301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25317463542381075,0.2550888572458059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769378962695068,0.16401032686148553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112173993677544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973482220555688,0.238207262520288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24587180640720774,0.0,0.0,0.2224422950187308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27293587725134405,0.2024106215577184,0.0,0.2629307111024898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650815536603639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902680286255285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14479501305576725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685902135208413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646316649654573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ImperfectSoldier,2018/12/23,"Girlfriend thinks I am a threat because of Flashbacks I struggle with porn addiction and I have been trying to quit. I was sober for 5-6 months and I relapsed during the holidays recently. My girlfriend who has PTSD has been keeping me accountable with my recovery so I tell her whenever I relapse or successfully fight off craving. So when I told her about my relapse it triggered her PTSD, including Flashbacks and she is feeling unsafe with me. I have always done my best to be loving and understanding with her and I have NEVER forced her. But then she asked me something that implies that she suspects that I am going to force her and that I am with her just for the sex. It hurts so much that I cried, and I don't normally cry. ",3.986489361702127,6.076256106382981,4.558457446808512,83.30875,73.04255319148936,7.536879432624112,30.18971631205674,8.344100000000001,2.348890780141844,585,26,108,10,12,186,84,141,0.113,0.75,0.138,0.5818,0,0,1,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,6,7,2,1,3,0,15,4,0,1,1,23,23,14,0,1,3,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,8,12,0,1,4,1,1,1,2,4,0,0,5,1,31,3,13,17,2,7,0,1,0,3,18,1,0,1,5,88,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022514844981686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543730741371845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344241743112368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309535249418733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469882241308914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4075847299822181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18985822452359505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938078724563311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543909736907336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19861016629209288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164904652729726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16744508748766745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480856395168513,0.0,0.13638346926978864,0.0,0.1430896260838826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817767720116826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43374156119517854,0.0,0.0,0.1973304791912136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318523117924493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282751536433932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193952785868183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621585105975117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887801619741707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17727870955469893,0.0,0.12596044897024367,0.0,0.0,0.19313983452658606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,flowerhatjelly,2018/12/23,"Have live-in boyfriend, am still desperately lonely I don't known if this related to my cptsd and inability to feel connected to people or not, I think it is. I've always thought I just had anxiety and depression, but the most recent therapist I've been seeing got into my childhood more than others and gave me a diagnosis of cptsd. It's hard for me to think of myself like that, but it makes sense. I was abused a lot, I just was also really good at avoiding thinking about it and dismissing it. But anyway, my partner and I have been together for almost 7 years, living together for most of it. I think I still love him. He's never been anything but kind and patient, he's handsome and gentle and so sweet to animals and everyone around him. But I'm so lonely all the time. With him, with my friends. It's like it's worse when others are around me and the only way to dull it is to be actually alone. For long stints I'll sleep on the couch because I can't sleep next to my boyfriend. During the summer I did this for about 2 months and then went back to our bed, now I've been on the couch for the last 2 weeks again. I don't fully understand why it feels better, and this is one of the many things I'm still too embarrassed to tell my therapist. It's just such a fucking weird thing for me to do. It feels so much easier to be alone physically. That's where I am right now, tucked in on the couch. I try not to think about it, but I hate that I do this. I hate that I do most things, but right now I especially hate this.",5.116060287416751,4.665981659305995,5.981803364879074,83.54331843673329,68.3690851735016,9.694286715737821,27.705748335085868,9.2995712137729,1.9168017525411845,1194,32,266,21,18,395,154,317,0.159,0.7090000000000001,0.132,-0.5557,0,7,0,0,1,0,33.0,1,0,0,1,25,20,4,2,12,0,24,4,2,1,2,51,46,27,0,1,14,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,4,1,27,17,0,1,11,0,0,1,6,11,0,1,12,6,33,9,38,32,7,34,0,4,1,2,11,11,1,7,23,187,60,0,0.0,0.1266541499704211,0.10431496877660558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704079281121444,0.22142380796755215,0.0,0.08548460465692849,0.08894594377735253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177506330550786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796620939552846,0.1903200107882443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08219634116313577,0.0,0.06516274240602693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454072795168847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206927346868396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10214360387071997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214932162248236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258749949012667,0.09882352785884677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965920093736597,0.08549440840274718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575772099709788,0.3166126821158736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131561991000924,0.0,0.08713441759958944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444786472225638,0.0,0.1887820586849233,0.0945994988815918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908790630919476,0.09647771426924293,0.0,0.07135383667220806,0.10837565454285657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853232795959878,0.0,0.07858077878951117,0.0,0.08244470033335786,0.0,0.11368499178141199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07243542158895733,0.0812991413004641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07410815071668024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848024439522725,0.0,0.10554679541349976,0.0,0.0,0.1825770120762819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851821845166595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139461779776863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561015876440176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343171953554616,0.0,0.0,0.24822873470878615,0.2130506384547556,0.3424728504033763,0.0,0.08486339631724593,0.062331853125314036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257529251714691,0.0,0.0,0.11128239143377214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484898193189863,0.08574543514179787,0.0,0.0,0.09909356102550462,0.09645691418295764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893604433788948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688374484762917 ptsd,c0lettebernard,2018/12/23,"Does your PTSD cause irritability? I’m curious to hear other people’s take on irritability. I find myself very irritable and frustrated whenever things don’t add up, almost like a constant fear of being tricked or that there’s something I don’t know going on. (Which makes sense considering my trauma) it’s definitely costed me friendships and taken a toll on my overall vibe. Side note, Idk if you know the YouTuber H3H3 but he often gets knocked for being “pessimistic, cynical and irritable” on his podcast but I often find myself actually relating to everything he’s saying and experiencing when he’s upset and describing his irritability in general as well. ",5.263974358974362,8.402887299145302,6.9714743589743575,62.44644230769231,73.44444444444444,9.711965811965813,31.972222222222207,9.928628108626363,4.268960683760684,542,26,78,17,12,186,86,117,0.23800000000000002,0.687,0.075,-0.9617,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,5,8,3,2,3,0,4,0,0,2,0,20,13,11,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,6,0,0,4,0,1,1,2,6,1,0,1,3,12,2,11,10,0,10,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,5,3,49,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.2199413846331959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22568860882804964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315305187908701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24355905224978636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197234261511902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025597891463467,0.0,0.0,0.25361863728005346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4119921235035832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775336255299232,0.0,0.1280904044069834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540231235764966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477293047565446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011079358222346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044496317862988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625225672202525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26346077199017576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923367994903774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351091445163458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946003494368803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14973451067882348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596465386413616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20264646597112668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GManEtch,2018/12/23,"I thought you guys might like this. As someone who suffers from PTSD after a car accident, it is nice to hear when members of our armed forces say that PTSD can come from multiple sources, not just combat. Brad ""Iceman"" Colbert, known from the book and HBO mini series *Generation Kill*, talks about how PTSD can be caused from multiple sources. As someone who suffers from PTSD from a terrible car accident, hearing a veterinarian say that it can affect others is awesome. Also, his stance on mental health is awesome. [Brad ""Iceman"" Colbert On PTSD](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4adSbhnVvw)",6.7335555555555535,9.759625600000003,5.735333333333332,73.73322222222224,68.0,8.044444444444443,34.111111111111114,8.841846274778883,3.3856777777777776,480,23,71,9,9,144,70,100,0.136,0.728,0.136,0.0093,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,1,0,0,5,6,1,0,4,0,8,2,1,3,0,10,12,6,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,1,8,2,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,4,0,0,1,4,4,2,14,9,0,7,0,2,0,0,11,2,0,1,3,44,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087544370250254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397034076360898,0.0,0.11714688013642792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13465554539541796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14455537476212646,0.3065504812698541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045732851887625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643985061358268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13705007217641102,0.144268254951937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7948491589289741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162959421747234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23045472852398785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10930691062568183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796412906807147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bannedseveraltimes,2018/12/16,Could this 4 letter acronym cause illegal drugs not to be as effective on me? Sadly I have noticed that many illegal drugs do not affect me like they do to others. Cocaine doesn't affect me at all. I've also noticed a decline in effect when vaping marijuana. But I might do so soon. Trying to hide my smoke isn't working so well.,2.6959090909090904,4.7615813181818245,4.969696969696969,79.02454545454547,76.72727272727272,7.430303030303031,26.15151515151515,8.344100000000001,2.066624242424243,261,10,47,5,6,91,51,66,0.193,0.726,0.08199999999999999,-0.7887,0,0,4,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,3,6,3,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,5,1,11,9,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,7,2,7,6,1,5,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,3,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934564701190192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24850965941423897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19314657931190504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5610808761540081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818569730613393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24526020397287984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566297809698576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5508354957035027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642419704058906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21750741329038856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611439030944298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Vethalos,2018/12/16,"Being noticed by people while dissociating, what to do? I've just been visiting a friend's party.. mostly I'm enjoying the time and have fun.. but at times I also gave out 1000 yards stare for a few seconds while thinking/having a flashback about some stressful situations.. they asked if I was ok and I told them I had some problems with someone else before coming there and being stressed. Anyone's been dealing with that, and how do you response?",4.699642857142859,6.862952535714285,5.104285714285716,79.84071428571428,71.26190476190476,6.704761904761906,28.66666666666667,7.447530270364453,1.8398523809523808,359,14,61,4,7,114,67,84,0.139,0.8140000000000001,0.046,-0.8645,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,2,0,5,7,0,2,4,1,9,0,0,1,0,16,14,10,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,1,6,1,7,4,8,6,4,8,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,4,4,47,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837747194646368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470922581862868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202170648276724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044444965439645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029143245110789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24285230672738556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678038869179013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199328909300844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681869416803796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16330783933156154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253993762086117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647796259056457,0.0,0.0,0.19958946202566347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5396670129843542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747141888439035,0.0,0.0,0.22508794361146672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,in_flagrante_delicto,2018/12/16,"Here's an easy one for you: which patches should I get for my future service dog? Insh'Allah I will be picking up my future service dog at the beginning of January. I have two options for identifying patches: a set that just says ""Working Service Dog Do Not Touch,"" or a set that says ""PTSD Service Dog Do Not Distract."" Since literally anyone can buy a Service Dog vest for their family pet, I think the ""PTSD Service Dog"" patches would be taken more seriously (especially since my dog will be puppyish-sized for at least another five months.) On the flipside, I don't like the idea of advertising my disorder. And by law, no one can question the veracity of a ""service dog"" patch (though a five-month old pibble is going to raise some eyebrows.) Thoughts/ideas/suggestions? Thanks in advance!",6.154206896551724,7.543429972413797,6.585000000000001,73.67750000000002,66.51724137931035,9.662068965517244,36.56896551724138,9.888512548439397,3.8669862068965517,626,32,107,14,10,203,93,145,0.07,0.888,0.042,-0.4320000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,1,2,3,4,0,1,11,0,14,0,0,1,0,14,20,3,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,4,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,4,2,0,4,1,3,11,2,15,12,3,14,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,4,6,69,14,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19964701738937324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312945046485233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218210541160774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948859319640906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994741565547887,0.0,0.10820654854261462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149341354903387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301796638071276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3039448618334681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19978878455120624,0.0,0.25803478617973724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4451259396894437,0.0,0.21328731900672773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30282140148852005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149954094458578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529124107253008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199819754990175,0.18706330049799808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598942243843414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861070172078485,0.0,0.0,0.13525199824670892,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HumacornheartsPizza,2018/12/16,"Had a run in with a woman yesterday who lives below me who set off a major PTSD break a month ago, haven’t seen here since and I wet the bed this morning 😢😢 *ik this is a lot but it’s layered so please read A little background basically the neighbor that lives below me was screaming at her child back at the end of November a little bored before Thanksgiving so I called the police because the child was crying it and the yelling was just so loud and me another tenants in the building right on the hallway and didn’t know what to do anyway and ended up with this woman banging on my door and screaming at me after the police left and threatening me and eventually screaming at me that she was going to kill me and I have it all on tape and it was just an extremely Trumatic situation was mostly because of the noise that she was making from down below was a memory that I had from my childhood of something my abusive mom did that set me back. A few days later I ended up taking a bunch of pills because I to drink and I used to self harm as a way to numb myself out (from my OTHER traumas) and I know that those things don’t work for me anymore because I’m clean from them. I really kind of overdid it on the pills though and although I wasn’t suicidal and didn’t want to die (and luckily my therapists agree) those were definitely very risky actions considering I was drinking. Anyway I ran into her for the first time yesterday and she just was being ghetto as hell and kept talking over me so I didn’t get to say anything while I was trying to explain why I called the cops because that’s what my therapist told me to do, which was to explain that I thought a child was being abused and that I was a child of abuse that’s why I called 911 but the thing that fucked me the most is that she called me fat and she called me that before. and I struggle with an eating disorder and when I left yesterday and finally got upstairs (she was leaving the building and I was going up to my apartment) I ended up crying I realized one thing I realized that A) she isn’t violent because she could’ve beat me up or hit me or done something so I guess I didn’t technically have to worry about that but that doesn’t stop by hyper vigilance from being terrified daily to walk down the stairs, or expect s note in my door. it’s just it hurts for her to be saying something that I am so insecure about and I woke up this morning and I wet the bed and I don’t know why that happened I would assume that it’s a result of the trauma but I’m really embarrassed about it as much is I want to talk to someone about that in my real life I don’t think anyone’s going to understand it but I’m just embarrassed and I am ashamed and I guess I didn’t realize that trauma is so deep rooted Thank you. ",3.354122437403773,4.590447074912895,4.746360100478082,84.80927518029334,73.02439024390246,7.708872862815008,26.24082327202009,8.20894155585173,1.6002008427193908,2207,74,452,34,43,736,237,574,0.217,0.747,0.036000000000000004,-0.9990000000000001,0,0,5,0,4,2,17.0,0,1,1,3,23,21,4,5,36,0,48,9,1,4,1,75,80,50,3,4,13,1,2,0,1,1,5,7,7,7,46,33,4,2,12,3,0,7,12,19,0,2,34,10,75,2,71,40,8,67,1,1,1,1,36,35,2,9,21,342,121,2,0.0,0.2671394688253051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662045074840668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880666246557931,0.0,0.0,0.07453365233675799,0.05255018484223105,0.0,0.061846233642258774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11557924696417615,0.0,0.2748830638018823,0.0,0.12790288859152027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38370873750218415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06000522219415658,0.0,0.16510866990479467,0.0484688142146056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799911569258264,0.0,0.08613424176605729,0.0,0.0,0.07690974812266456,0.0,0.14724674843351626,0.0,0.07690241732174734,0.0,0.0,0.2662604023645028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823287251483352,0.0,0.06392687930141429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694796676508967,0.03926543147084696,0.0,0.12813710506276338,0.0,0.06010838927261735,0.0,0.16558360457281684,0.0,0.06645939595024429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045507589915889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314796951331636,0.07826245878155637,0.12390981236133895,0.0,0.0,0.07957838645678328,0.16331244562100114,0.0,0.05308426112287835,0.0,0.15065028387882254,0.13272663888922634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389416808790982,0.0,0.0,0.05016660470452503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802073052011472,0.0599880740716045,0.0,0.055247636998370014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050927032531583566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249771777024152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785227583782321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517542584789792,0.0855429434747441,0.09629254741904326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641820343525523,0.0,0.1195326846677436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840314730539427,0.0,0.0,0.06216906527081426,0.08447746757744012,0.0,0.0,0.06367866201714499,0.17357417503331035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283301863439325,0.0,0.07856841570198728,0.0,0.08220746790393428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05650727286988736,0.12081362552118872,0.0,0.06919270745444488,0.0,0.1745216990593918,0.14978910258891984,0.048156345641635005,0.0738394921938245,0.05966474481937591,0.043823536085426565,0.0,0.0,0.07181390710660761,0.0,0.05102537131603292,0.0,0.0,0.07823909690068125,0.0,0.0649098656031193,0.0,0.062010818323900666,0.08865683598750926,0.05965461052519496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034473313774645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054713799021214,0.07632363978967954,0.0,0.053388018078104574,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AlyBourghs,2018/12/16,"To Dream or Not to Dream Guys.....I have started having horrible nightmares again. It’s not about my trauma though. It’s about spiders. I am absolutely terrified of spiders. I wake up screaming and trying to shield myself or run. I wake up knowing something has happened during the night. So I asked my husband and he told me this was a really really bad episode of it during during the night. I understand having nightmares/night terrors, whatever they’re called, about the trauma. Why TH am I having them about spiders? I’m exhausted and I know my husband is. Is this a part of the PTSD? The last few weeks I have been extremely depressed & anxious. Is this all connected?",2.8061904761904763,5.689600253968254,3.793936507936508,82.82328571428572,82.17460317460319,6.5346031746031725,27.447619047619053,7.793537801064563,2.17400380952381,536,24,91,10,15,172,75,126,0.20199999999999999,0.733,0.065,-0.9652,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,1,7,0,13,3,2,0,1,11,21,7,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,7,0,0,3,1,14,0,12,18,3,9,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,2,6,65,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103133569367851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21928409934238616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814625513002769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207008394978625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982035391638131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718288509713322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716469577129792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21335074364837808,0.1582219863015718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5464649226705987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210197469769354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22689908116247925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486980595984609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494319885398555,0.0,0.0,0.13738895608423032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907077850004844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547623703291244,0.0,0.13178497377751094,0.0,0.0,0.2020707947340823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569981917790174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751501298221763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DabDaddy666,2018/12/16,I’ve just been Diagnose but I’m confused I’ve been going to my Local psychiatrist for about a month now. I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety and panic attacks. He asked if I wanted to try any medicine but I’ve tired a handful of anitDepressants they never worked. So I asked about medical cannbis to with he asked me a few questions then tells me he’ll send me a letter. I got the letter and it says I have an Anxiety disorder ptsd and a Severe depression disorder. I would have never thought about ptsd and I’m still confused about it I just wanted to know if this a normal thing to happen thankyou ,2.338907103825136,4.61559373770492,4.043852459016397,84.17812841530056,78.8360655737705,7.017486338797814,25.740437158469945,8.07648339933343,1.7527355191256824,484,19,94,9,12,162,69,122,0.293,0.7070000000000001,0.0,-0.9896,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,9,5,1,3,9,0,6,4,1,0,2,24,19,10,0,6,6,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,5,0,0,5,2,11,0,14,12,2,9,0,1,0,0,14,1,0,6,6,62,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194092493286368,0.0,0.2293546943978288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204244035729202,0.1705392216790972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454605556577644,0.12911344379489986,0.15215099336377247,0.0,0.0,0.3436095302476028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519478737520758,0.0,0.1198931747608597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325609963864675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238417835844998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744435100431614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101408624551593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965319209627695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23123282679750934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687562609796442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758818820039743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35046316787469456,0.0,0.16792854071535265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921092235150894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935061994598816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971477814585435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310240714891352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995905966498583,0.0,0.0,0.11900827429009644,0.0,0.17229439539396962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017760388268762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683637274967828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913303695644558,0.0,0.0,0.10648861263847023,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sillysnufkin,2018/12/16,"Tired Last week, I had to go to mediation to resolve a legal issue related to the assault that caused my PTSD. It was an incredibly stressful week for me, and I’m still really anxious about it, because in addition to requiring me to relive my trauma and share it with strangers, a lot of new information was revealed to me for the first time, including a lot of hurtful and damaging lies told by the opposing side. I didn’t eat or sleep for most of the week. I lost 3 pounds, so I’m back under 100, back to where I was when I was diagnosed with malnutrition a few months ago. Needless to say, it was a difficult week in terms of PTSD and mental health in general. I was lucky to have 3 very supportive coworkers because work was very difficult. Without them, I don’t know how I would have gotten through the week. To top it all off, at the end of the week, there was a required staff team building event... playing paintball. I had to go but did not play, but a superior tried to convince me to play. I told him I had PTSD and couldn’t. He told me that he understood, so I could just come watch because watching them enjoy themselves would keep me from having any problems. I’m just so tired of having to deal with this stuff. ",6.562326685660017,5.893772222222225,6.996296296296297,78.19564102564101,65.46090534979426,10.604495093383985,34.74169040835707,10.035473477838034,3.2208476733143403,962,39,195,19,13,315,134,243,0.158,0.77,0.07200000000000001,-0.965,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,8,13,19,1,1,15,0,22,6,1,2,1,39,37,13,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,9,10,1,4,5,4,0,3,5,9,0,1,19,3,23,10,38,14,6,31,0,3,2,0,13,9,0,5,19,134,32,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924822584108126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094798401299941,0.0,0.0,0.11786321425308242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160446674626015,0.0,0.19079581610223165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717565866627048,0.0,0.08987106507827854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329902308700513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075596585647421,0.0,0.10589276340041212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675564562036656,0.0,0.0,0.09240542153127734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887430526892918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858629724358168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108979212893458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168743285552607,0.0,0.0,0.10889342401473304,0.0,0.09273330601933223,0.0,0.0,0.05733704469474647,0.08504288239291315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388852959548736,0.1773952862122085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514011078404273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327521812796768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10076257318935508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982972890975733,0.3658685937158359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683647553717856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296741096610509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044053552740758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331808026663984,0.0,0.11950967326081754,0.0,0.11943290001437433,0.0,0.11839245828811475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083566747444921,0.23982399645659885,0.0,0.2990753848066188,0.0,0.070833227973467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172166368136862,0.0,0.0,0.5021234426563106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005704060259497,0.0,0.07595348939962249,0.0,0.0,0.14822609059151368,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway3298573,2018/12/16,"I think I might have some repressed trauma of one particular kind involving my mother. I only have one specific memory. First, let me give some context. I don't think I have PTSD. I haven't had a lot of significant trauma in my life. Recently I've been treated for schizophrenia, but it doesn't seem like it would be an accurate diagnosis. Now, with symptoms like constant dissociation and a complete lack of memory of any kind, I'm beginning to wonder if, even despite having not gone through nearly the shit that you guys have, my symptoms might resemble that of someone with PTSD, and maybe I would be better treated for it instead of psychosis. I'm really hoping my mom doesn't find this post because I don't want her to know or have any consequences, even if the very worst is true. I love her and believe she's a good parent. She's been through so much trauma and actually does have PTSD. Her dad and brothers sexually abused her, a bunch of her friends got killed, and all other manners of fucked up things have happened in her life. So I believe that even if what I suspect is true, she might not have even known better. With that said, let's get right to it. I think she might have sexually abused me and my brother. The only memory I have is one time when I was taking a shower in her bathroom and I didn't want to come out because she would see me. It was like a game to her. She would trick me into coming out and then look. I think the whole thing actually lasted a while. I was really shy and embarrassed. I don't remember in great detail what it was like or when it happened. I must have been old enough to shower on my own, and I remember that it was very deliberate on her part. That's the only actual memory I have, but that memory doesn't seem very out of place with what I remember about her, and there were probably other times she had an inappropriate interest in my or my brother's naked bodies. At the time, I assumed this kind of thing was completely normal. But looking back on it, I guess I can see how it might be a little messed up. I was at an age where she probably had no reason to see me naked anymore, and she knew I was very shy. And the consequences, if this is actually something to be concerned about, are apparent. We don't fight or anything, but our relationship has been very awkward. I feel uneasy around her. She's very emotional and affectionate and I don't want to be so cold, but it's very hard to be around her. I have Asperger's so I don't do so well with physically touching anyone, but hugging her feels worse than hugging any other family member. So I want to ask, does this one experience of mine possibly indicate real or significant trauma?",5.280913924891991,5.9016347212806055,6.256437908496733,78.02376620139584,68.07721280602637,9.712218898858977,29.741940844134263,9.773937934552695,2.67649657693586,2131,75,417,46,34,709,221,531,0.161,0.706,0.133,-0.8511,4,0,1,0,3,0,55.0,2,1,0,3,23,37,5,3,18,0,67,10,2,2,4,93,105,42,1,16,17,7,4,4,1,10,4,1,2,1,31,30,0,1,19,1,0,3,14,14,1,5,21,11,72,23,53,66,12,43,0,0,5,4,43,23,2,23,20,313,103,0,0.0,0.14252260982811166,0.23476911885874896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227008077401222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964710511198878,0.04205437813213347,0.0,0.049493734483492285,0.10708257347425926,0.05622691545893994,0.0,0.0,0.04624734785093044,0.0,0.07332696254668992,0.0,0.0,0.13552433484464788,0.0,0.10638570694975977,0.0,0.06680689400205315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361818761521026,0.12612056386993462,0.06499475324086428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526557760179828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765437927836393,0.0,0.062145265310335575,0.0,0.15889929338580722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05883278530508632,0.05669880813245973,0.0,0.06082165357363905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497091189374703,0.05115881443652777,0.0,0.0,0.046467431068226366,0.055602548776148515,0.031422978007669085,0.05769600978511581,0.0,0.05044628745161829,0.048102988390493435,0.06630943733475686,0.06625586132658848,0.059552433449194926,0.10637102709022912,0.0,0.05387758834150255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05973698159226527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654089155595169,0.18789348001522735,0.03305380129470553,0.04902573111519158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300349234717795,0.08496356756227384,0.11753410586756187,0.06028051112449975,0.0,0.0,0.1010123330616317,0.0,0.0,0.05113263660773406,0.05428268884641597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060423155632137085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190186347924838,0.0,0.07044041987431322,0.0,0.0,0.044213070310061685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058928763469055526,0.0,0.0,0.0631114532715208,0.0,0.16302166697686166,0.137227628912664,0.0,0.0,0.06678326276804818,0.06513054775057887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283811966663135,0.0,0.0,0.06780379868522668,0.05760173060613305,0.0,0.12969171832417994,0.0,0.2109168315360461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684575192689251,0.07706011334925902,0.061838482623402836,0.059385360625130924,0.06457260056421864,0.2043957162482811,0.05136300757181544,0.0572111180414732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378195168902105,0.10950644543384792,0.0,0.0,0.06173738465287507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050960173393438564,0.046302114272538164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502616622283164,0.045221120108718524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11987184401461998,0.1541524677909434,0.0,0.0,0.10521208801587237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473781275810909,0.14189895300314842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054077058229882034,0.0,0.0,0.06714909903000985,0.0,0.0,0.0652240598250928,0.0,0.0,0.06129230406983431,0.170899486403136,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,oneknotforalot,2018/12/16,"Can smaller traumatic events become part of your PTSD? I posted maybe a week ago elsewhere on reddit about a cat we had rescued, that subsequently passed away in my arms. I'm still having nightmares, flashbacks at random times and a hard time being on the highways, constantly scanning the road and being unable to relax, etc. I have PTSD from unrelated childhood trauma, but can things be 'added on', so to speak? How do you stop this kinda stuff from traumatizing you further? I want to be able to snuggle my own cat without having a breakdown. ",7.5154545454545465,8.241736454545453,7.055101010101013,73.8693181818182,63.24242424242425,8.620202020202019,33.671717171717184,8.344100000000001,2.776123232323232,435,17,70,5,6,136,77,99,0.127,0.821,0.052000000000000005,-0.8198,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,6,0,11,1,1,1,0,10,13,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,3,9,1,15,8,3,19,0,0,1,0,5,8,0,2,9,54,13,0,0.2130243075414485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888331954842682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20014334926658595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352686112096847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23020359818059666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375784133413264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908279373189282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401154933839667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306845660001624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040184012672606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4980280316526762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012148717731676,0.17809785970171949,0.0,0.0,0.2438618665159092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14152388429696058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24843237364704115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12564725585743974,0.0,0.1708752500816005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053478306798144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GrizzlyxJim,2018/12/16,"What does disassociation feel like to you? I don't have words for what I feel. They say it's disassociation but by textbook definition it's not what I feel. I feel dizzy, tired, like I am looking at the world and it is through a screen or just altered. It doesn't feel right. I feel on edge like I could panic at any moment and that I can't handle anything. Face numb. Does anyone else feel that way? Sometimes it lasts for weeks. Most times when it's long term I get a couple hours where it is less a day but still present. 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My Uncle passed Wednesday unexpectedly. He lived with my parents and sister, and I live about 45 minutes away from them. I was at home asleep when my husband who works 3rd shift came in around 3:30am and knocked on the bedroom door to wake me and let me know my Uncle had passed. I’m terrified of going to sleep and being woken up with horrific news. I’ve had to have a drink before bed every night since this happened to take the edge off to where I can fall asleep, but I wake up throughout the night. I don’t know if this is just grieving or something else. I also had a panic attack in the middle of the grocery store last night with my mom. My chest just felt so tight and I just felt an overwhelming amount of fear and panic. I’m struggling with all of this. 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I go next week for my physician visit. I've been reading through the specific laws regarding mmj and I am not finding answers to my questions. Is the use of mmj allowed in public settings? I know that jobs can't discriminate against it but also aren't required to accommodate on site use. The exception being jobs that are federal. But there is nothing about the consumption of mmj in public, such as walking down the street or sitting in your car or in a park, or wherever. If I use vaporization am I allowed to use it in public?",4.312166666666666,5.793546550000002,5.638333333333333,78.38666666666668,71.0,8.666666666666668,34.166666666666664,9.150863307647796,3.2164166666666683,486,25,90,10,9,163,73,120,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,4,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,0,9,1,0,7,0,25,16,11,0,1,8,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,5,1,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,10,0,21,14,0,19,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,6,3,63,14,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270032328147803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515281527750065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090257467310758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151961200124363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872798385230237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023537832710556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890013747745433,0.0,0.0,0.15238599754590088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3712893581007997,0.0,0.3558153084509017,0.0,0.1588566451001566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6858200912939633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739074486947136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alcohol_you_later,2018/12/16,"Only soldiers get PTSD At least that's what my presents say. I was abused by my ex for 4 years, and I came out of it with a lot of issues. PTSD being one of the hardest to deal with. It has been over a year since I was diagnosed. And I finally sat down a couple months ago and told my parents (most of) what happened and what I have been doing to heal since. They basically think I am making all of the PTSD, and anxiety up. And that depression is just a normal part of life and it shouldn't effect me. It is so frustrating knowing that they think I am just lazy. It makes me not really want to be around them because I know I am going to be lectured. I don't even really want to go home for Christmas, my favorite holiday. ",2.360408388520973,3.692898324503311,4.008890728476821,88.73311534216336,75.6887417218543,7.417439293598234,23.841611479028696,8.07648339933343,1.1571452538631348,561,17,124,9,12,188,94,151,0.121,0.841,0.039,-0.8784,1,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,3,1,5,2,1,0,6,0,17,3,0,3,1,29,32,8,0,4,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,11,12,0,0,5,1,0,3,3,2,0,1,7,1,19,0,22,21,5,15,0,1,0,0,8,6,0,2,6,93,30,1,0.0,0.1718199288808109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854769637673058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093663780190036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290947463066479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840024403856431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585936439855425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604571488493576,0.0,0.0,0.1495048517321755,0.12490183719358325,0.1471879150876971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578152309197806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885764573132385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576473449388174,0.0,0.16483156439361354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823693259381386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14546260272486547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135874759338605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15939370727342814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242889990308347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328718925404232,0.0,0.0,0.19359825391043245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575017348806915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420846272812236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826641281610446,0.1102909985940376,0.0,0.0,0.16102280856452908,0.15703790571852727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.50854689004076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580158209543707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115322330329115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399170235769956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858404507508332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385687461231672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106807153382264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677075333568088 ptsd,NibAttackArt,2019/01/11,"I just want to give up already I tried killing myself when I was younger unsucessfully and i was convinced if i cpuld just move out things would get better but they aren't I think about suicide every day and im so tired of it. I have doctors but they say such wonderful things like ""this fear will never go away"" and ""we can help you cope"" i just dont want to cope i want a normal life with parents who love me but ill never have that. I dont have any motivation to keep living. I have nothing to hold on to. Im so tired ",0.8854545454545466,2.826576873873876,2.3778869778869773,95.98732186732187,82.06306306306305,5.117444717444719,20.000819000819,6.1124844417494595,-0.17816036036036031,407,11,95,3,11,132,74,111,0.183,0.588,0.22899999999999998,0.4735,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,1,1,2,2,8,6,1,1,1,0,12,6,0,1,2,25,22,10,2,6,7,1,0,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,6,6,0,2,3,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,2,1,17,4,12,18,0,10,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,2,5,64,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655335207284123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200809595797193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14093401650050386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266664991406396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674039059458876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353579955765462,0.0,0.0,0.35160794167955634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263851271867856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879658766160696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837107713293588,0.1438978327270053,0.08525092401714643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054474802342482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3240608589752419,0.0,0.0,0.13333075083834375,0.16595757866593888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595250242175093,0.07328454415149033,0.0,0.13245658158252896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538477459161716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594308755150182,0.0,0.0,0.2313851909831874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697240554522675,0.14393321112517216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656206920637653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928947294209585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408040270195487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931243798819706,0.0961167250007934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448158476086741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018431012050522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26542934094705595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267330939250935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655878023090666,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,survivorlacey,2019/01/11,"Trouble Separating my PTSD and OCD I hope it's okay that I'm posting this here, but I've just been feeling a bit alone in regards to all this... I have been dealing with OCD for a number of years, but very recently, I met with a psychiatrist who believes I may have PTSD as well. Many of the symptoms were right in front of me, but I had always grouped them in with my OCD. I was wondering if anyone could relate to this? My intrusive, paranoid, irrational thoughts. My terror in situations where people insisted there was nothing wrong. My fear of men that seems to go far beyond ""rational"" precautions. Even my occasional emotional numbness I thought was an OCD symptom.",4.756666666666668,6.677036730158732,5.4319365079365065,78.56028571428574,70.5873015873016,8.84952380952381,33.234920634920634,9.3871,3.2594977777777787,532,26,96,12,10,172,88,126,0.128,0.738,0.134,-0.3131,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,7,8,0,2,5,1,11,3,0,0,1,18,20,6,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,10,1,15,3,17,8,2,13,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,5,2,67,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17588400094823892,0.0,0.0,0.14130520654735013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874323750622524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19133083159342892,0.0,0.0,0.18540124475723685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355887590501584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17507865144371965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102648484650084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121655899583092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109655543961804,0.08586692250119818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651355014581693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1686712040023098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217248588891676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294844131875658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177329409205618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16264218571115674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.397024813008447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167678379619521,0.0,0.0,0.1450267505554651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459924074680678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19088663582418214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530194098613185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26963882186545274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14012063611758946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526900468924636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841643217882563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856733015847434,0.0,0.1093595667440845 ptsd,Quantumfanatic,2019/01/11,I want to lie down and cry I failed to deliver. Three times. My teachers are disappointed in me. I'm in the middle of a conference. I want to go home and lie down and cry and fall asleep. I am physically exhausted. I am feeling dizzy all the time because of some problem I have in my back. I am tired. ,-0.14773809523809334,2.0948657142857168,2.4653769841269835,91.41330357142859,90.2698412698413,6.324603174603175,22.160714285714285,7.645422480735847,1.0793190476190475,232,9,53,5,8,80,40,63,0.324,0.617,0.059000000000000004,-0.9612,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,3,0,5,3,1,0,1,10,10,4,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,1,0,1,10,0,10,10,2,11,0,2,0,0,0,6,0,1,3,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186962411218791,0.0,0.1733756834395777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6248292220835047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380788989507814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16163860993805934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852896893737231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721450789263062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33168731814016394,0.3268912034365151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355086192287932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,monsooooooon,2019/01/11,Blackouts in public. Anyone else? I try so hard. Love the safety of my room. Fuck this agoraphobia. ,0.5183333333333344,1.1332030555555583,2.2028888888888893,85.68100000000003,129.55555555555554,3.6622222222222223,14.711111111111107,5.6839178017228535,-0.1186355555555556,77,2,13,1,5,25,18,18,0.209,0.507,0.284,0.4427,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,7,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075399107152066,0.4506586149574375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674221821394306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066164724259384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3940019908518325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3969644546581053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986162310533331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Queen0fPentacles,2019/01/11,"I am having a mental break and I have nobody that will listen to my story. I need advice for coping strategies. I am not in imminent danger to myself or others. TL;DR NSFW [Trigger: abuse, suicide, drug use, bereavement] My diagnoses: diagnosed with CPTSD by my psychiatrist but diagnosed with PTSD by my nurse practitioner because of changes to the new DSMV. Bipolar 1, depression (symptom, not MDD), anxiety, akathisia (debilitating movement disorder caused by an antipsychotic I was prescribed), ADHD, formerly suffered from Bulimia (now EDNOS), substance abuse. I have been institutionalized in psychiatric facilities many times, did outpatient rehab for 2 years as a teenager, I was sexually assaulted twice as a young teen, and I was last hospitalized in October of 2018 for suicidal ideations and psychosis, as documented by my local E.R. I suffered from PTSD after many years of physical, mental, emotional, verbal, and financial abuse at the hands of my father. The last straw that broke the camel’s back was when I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD after my first boyfriend committed suicide by firearm on January 27th, 2015. I was never the same after that. I am a different person now. There is an alarm bell going off in my head, and it won’t stop. It never stops. That is the reality of living with Complex Trauma. My current situation is that I am dealing with the loss of my grandmother who passed away last August, and then I was physically assaulted by my father the same night she died. I realize this is a delayed response to my loss, however I deal with bereavement in a very strange way after losing my boyfriend, and I also lost an uncle from suicide by firearm the previous year. What sets him apart is that like me, he also dealt with PTSD but instead it was because he was a sharp shooter in Vietnam. Like me he also was bipolar and suffered from addiction, specifically alcoholism. I never was the kind of person to use drugs, but I have been using hard substances since the beginning of October. I feel as though the suicide of my Uncle Don set a precedent for what my future may look like. I am holding on for dear life, and taking it one day at a time. I refuse to let my illness swallow me whole. I am just feeling very haunted right now. Absolutely haunted. When I found out my grandmother was slipping away, my family and I drove over 2,000 miles from the west coast to Rochester, New York so we could be there for her final moments. The drive was tense and nerve wracking, because we were unsure if we would make it there in time. We completed our drive in about 3 days, and when we got there, she was still alive, but barely. I walked into my grandparent’s living room, and she laid in a hospital bed. Her lungs had filled with fluid, and she had the death rattle in her chest. It was such a loud, jarring noise. I am still haunted by the sound. I grabbed her hand and leaned in close to her. I said, “Grandma, it’s Mary Margaret.” Her eyes were closed and her chest was rattling very loud. I do not remember what I said next. I do realize this may be a sign of a mental breakdown. However, I do remember that I said exactly what I needed to say, and I find peace in that. After I said it, she raised her eyebrows and furrowed them together. She opened her mouth very wide but could not speak. What did she mean to say? I want to know what she said. When I see her in my dreams I ask her, but I haven’t gotten an answer yet. I was taking turns with my cousins holding her hand, and when my turn was up, I went outside and broke down in hysterics. It was extremely hard for me to keep my composure when I was holding my grandmother’s hand, but I did. I didn’t want her to be sad or afraid. About 30 minutes passed and it was my turn again to hold my grandmother’s hand. When I came back in I realized that she had an accident in her bed, and I called my mother in to clean her up (she is an Registered Nurse and used to work in an elderly home). She gave her fresh bedding and a gown, fluffed her pillow and put lotion on her arms and legs. I knew the end was near. I sat with her and held her hand. I wanted to talk to her but I was lost for words. I wonder if she could feel me holding her hand. I wanted her to know I was there. I had to use the bathroom which was only the next room over, so I walked away and took about two minutes to do that. Her chest was still rattling, even louder now. When I returned to my grandmother, the air was so thick, it could be sliced with a butterknife. I had a very odd feeling, it was very strange. The room was completely silent. I approached my grandmother and touched her wrist. She was gone. I imagine her choking and reaching for me. But I wasn’t there. She suffocated and died alone. This weighs on me heavily to this day. I went outside to break the news to my family who were all seated at the picnic table. Everyone gasped, cried, and scattered, some of them tried to head into the house to pay their final respects. They were stopped by my father, who is my grandmother’s eldest child and also the primary abuser in my household. He told everyone to get lost, and that only my grandmother’s children were welcome to pay their final respects. I was heartbroken. My cousins and my brother and I walked over to the pond. We sat there and sobbed. I felt so empty and lost. Not only was I lost, I felt as though I lost something very dear to me. I still feel like that, even in this moment. We sat at the pond with teary eyes and gazed emptily over the water. After sitting there for about a half hour, we collected ourselves and headed to the bar. We got drunk, barely ate the food we ordered, and we didn’t have a lot to say to each other. We headed back to my grandparents house after dark. I am still traumatized by this next event so I will try to keep this short and simple. After getting back and walking up the patio, I saw my mother, father and aunt were all seated at the table. My aunt seemed sober but my parents were absolutely fucking plastered. I realized in all the commotion before leaving, I had misplaced my phone. I asked my mother to call it. I heard it ringing in the house and I went inside to grab it. I answered my phone to tell my mom I had found it. In the background I heard my father talking to my aunt. He said, “She is completely fucking brain dead.” My father often likes to tell people how stupid I am, although I consider myself to be at least semi intelligent. I was seething with rage. Hatred boiled up inside of me and it began to overflow. I hung up the phone and stormed out of the house. I walked out onto the patio to confront my father. This is something I never do. I said, “What are you doing, talking shit about me?” I was very angry. I do not recall what he said next, but he was very angry too. He stood up and came at me. My mother, who is complicit in the abuse, went inside as my aunt watched the ordeal. He grabbed me by the arms and dragged me down the patio towards the driveway. “You need to leave,” he snarled, “get the fuck out. Nobody wants you here.” I told him to let go of me but he didn’t. I had bruises on my arms the next day, which I photographed. I included this assault in the police report I filed against him a month later for domestic violence. He said, “You do realize my mother just died today?” I told him that my grandmother died today as well. I told him to let go of me. Things were about to go from bad to worse. But then my aunt quickly stood up and started walking towards us. My father let go of me and walked away. After that happened I had a great discussion with my aunt about the abuse I was putting up with. To this day, she my only family member to acknowledge that I am being abused. Next I tried talking to my mother about it. I repeatedly told her that she was complicit and that it needs to end. She said that I provoked him. I take it that she was implying that I deserved it. She was far too drunk for me to reason with, so I dropped the subject and went to bed. I am still living under my parent’s roof and the things I have dealt with have consumed me and taken over my life. I have no job, no money, no car, no driver’s license, no friends, and nowhere to go to escape. I rarely leave my room, and I rarely leave my house. This is due in part to the fact that there was a false imprisonment scenario many years ago, where I was being held against my will by my father and forbidden to leave my home. I spent many years in isolation completely cut off from the outside world. I have become quiet and reclusive because of this. My father has not assaulted me since that day, which may be because he is aware that I now own pepper spray. Because he cannot physically abuse me, he has escalated every other form of abuse. I am so torn up inside. I don’t even have anyone to talk to right now, so I am reaching out to all of you on here, TLDR: what are some good ways to overcome great feelings of loss in addition to being assaulted by my father the same day my grandmother died? To those that read this, thank you and my heart goes out to all of you who are also struggling. Much love to all of you and take care of yourselves, because you are worth it. 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I'm taking a two week break, and then scarcely using it afterwards. I got addicted and way too hazy and foggy to ever get better. I know my gf's proud too and it makes me feel good. Day three and my brain is already a million times less hazy. Wish me luck lads.",0.4663157894736827,2.897139315789474,2.5897894736842098,90.03152631578949,90.05263157894737,5.67157894736842,19.442105263157888,7.1686216300943375,0.666114736842105,292,9,59,5,10,98,56,76,0.0,0.677,0.32299999999999995,0.9803,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,3,7,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,2,1,16,14,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,1,8,7,5,13,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,7,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24157125499805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445355891114889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959827668101725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24737330212637826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28582088148461504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24926454535965284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20044536102253946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204508849070084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577423975321148,0.0,0.0,0.18586336968627468,0.17722976190887268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24356562989760466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14791638097695373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419594291179112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20173176242376006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514633761784438,0.0,0.0,0.16661185964289538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921382456613684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21646611271429791,0.0,0.0,0.19138692893935924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758917939423677,0.17775013990815816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548233101004765,0.2136096691343136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Serrafia,2019/01/11,The void is lonely Any tips on how to deal with the crippling loneliness that this shitty thing causes? I really need some help with this. Thanks. ,3.4800000000000004,6.391074777777781,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,79.0,6.562962962962962,16.407407407407412,7.793537801064563,0.4805407407407407,117,2,21,2,3,35,24,27,0.249,0.5870000000000001,0.16399999999999998,-0.4654,0,2,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959726135996169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4471030467039688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4487049731738148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917267651821349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227189356248531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788206969334195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4007030540214618,0.0,0.0,0.2891487319721318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,setheworldonfire,2019/01/11,"Finding a place to live after childhood abuse So this is kind of a frustrating issue that I thought maybe some of you would relate to. My triggers are all very domestic things because I was abused/neglected as a child and growing up in a violent household was traumatizing. So things like thumping, sudden loud noises, dogs barking, babies crying, things being run down or broken, bug infestations, all very common things are triggers for me. A lot of the time I can manage it but when it comes to trying to feel safe where I live these are big challenges. Especially since as a result of my unstable early life I have been living in apartments for nearly ten years now. I've done the hard part of divorcing myself from my family, establishing my life on my own, getting therapy, and starting to build myself the good life I always wanted. Now I want the stability of a quiet safe home someday but I have to build that from scratch and in the meantime I need to live somewhere I can afford, which in the city, is not many places. I've been clinging to this one complex for about 5 years just to try to maintain some semblance of stability in my life, but dealing with the thumps, bangs, and sometimes overhearing domestic violence that comes with living in apartments is really getting to me. I'm going to start looking for a new place tomorrow because it's just too much right now. I can't sleep here. I'm always irritable. I need somewhere quieter. I'm thinking of mentioning to the landlord that I have PTSD but I don't know if he'll take me seriously or that he won't try to take advantage of that to sell me something. I know that I can look after myself but there's no way to know ahead of time what it'll be like to live somewhere until you're already moved in and it's too expensive to back out or try again. Sometimes it feels like having PTSD just makes me an extremely fussy and unpleasant person to deal with. That I'm high strung or high maintenance because a normal apartment isn't good enough for me. But I just want to live somewhere I can feel safe and get a good nights sleep again. I guess I was just wondering if I was alone or if anyone could relate.",6.076723917412758,6.603643042755351,6.28081947743468,78.8724917778184,66.31591448931117,9.137255618490776,31.631737621048785,9.057496981413335,2.612971423350995,1735,65,323,28,26,555,210,421,0.094,0.81,0.095,0.1486,1,1,1,0,3,0,33.0,0,1,0,3,20,15,2,0,19,0,30,6,2,4,2,65,63,27,0,11,20,0,5,3,0,4,4,2,2,2,23,13,0,3,11,0,2,6,6,3,0,2,8,9,37,12,59,48,9,54,0,0,2,0,10,23,0,13,27,220,60,2,0.0,0.0910462746593202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958607294365981,0.08479805432578744,0.0,0.12787890217377873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373034449289055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590874492093452,0.0,0.14052816139161364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238671366870522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061352805314463535,0.0,0.08440832072600309,0.0,0.15844331774983972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863696909722928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793992602443225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244065014400003,0.0,0.11656224194557192,0.054896585286566005,0.0,0.0,0.07023302125308402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044173579548285,0.0,0.04367159264370525,0.19335654385233392,0.0,0.0,0.08465112104536504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883614764055045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237749206231067,0.07707969713766286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020402636202689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002005861289264,0.12669254968773794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21710565973048,0.11262468282290335,0.0,0.4749758384883344,0.0,0.1290573703498663,0.0,0.0,0.06532908823740488,0.0,0.0,0.05129323447491713,0.07790664271322269,0.07719902449304304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167184497520255,0.05648837539302092,0.11395607786431065,0.0,0.07421535459562077,0.0,0.07211185902314839,0.07528972968721885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05207073981067384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321337570737554,0.0,0.0,0.06709625896662774,0.24085343549953225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965048303530498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922753136317546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06562341933468947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06356524346832404,0.0,0.15379679613354452,0.0,0.0,0.059157420965683626,0.15199919195136494,0.0,0.108779604561615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555259973939662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787655655300901,0.0,0.20420404121118074,0.04923782948836351,0.0,0.06100468157914419,0.08961542943515252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086851482573554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680688529763795,0.13597180543398624,0.06099431969137596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333285044938911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458699358986766,0.0,0.0,0.09896862032997653 ptsd,ImpartialExhaustion,2019/06/01,Anniversary of a tragedy - how do you get through? What coping skills work for you? Thank you and if this triggers anybody I am sorry.,1.4770000000000003,4.1606054000000015,1.4794999999999978,95.58725,95.0,4.1000000000000005,26.25,5.985473137389443,0.9220000000000002,105,5,20,1,4,31,23,25,0.212,0.7,0.08800000000000001,-0.5514,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,15,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30660350431255673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6569275306473173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5402901683165627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272318394517645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,4DankInhale20,2019/06/01,"Question regarding TRE method So some days ago I had my first TRE session and the shaking worked very well. However it seems to have retriggered my fear response. It was quite difficult to get home as I felt really off (a bit like out of the world) and I am very thankful it didn't get too bad. Of course I would like to keep trying the TRE method, but I'm afraid it might have a negative effect on me. Ever since the session I really don't feel all that good and I hope it gets better. Anyone with different experiences regarding this technique? The therapist said I might feel really relieved after that session, so I'm quite baffled to have the opposite reaction. Thanks in advance.",4.786946564885497,6.492369259541987,5.46251145038168,79.23162977099237,70.14503816793894,9.514809160305344,29.893893129770994,9.888512548439397,3.065243664122137,547,22,100,14,10,177,86,131,0.07200000000000001,0.728,0.2,0.9549,2,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,7,5,14,0,3,8,0,11,0,0,1,2,20,25,7,0,2,1,0,3,2,0,3,0,1,1,0,8,5,0,1,6,0,0,2,3,5,1,1,5,4,10,9,13,17,3,12,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,6,7,63,18,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330393473698035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515009027903582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556209067043222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300002505112282,0.16417741366574265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698348741654432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571164347062939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602848082658742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471017516121602,0.0,0.16922075293285793,0.15207459123742706,0.0,0.1443896155295051,0.0,0.0,0.12791424330821355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23570404232071376,0.0,0.0,0.12613268618818962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084468914541227,0.149362546455639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133665794780161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693739857487834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190615554340398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846145440112034,0.3198980125645532,0.0,0.0,0.2890143036996652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304703800693902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690147298489214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439695208333458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769017638026981,0.0,0.17460426130602613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209902051743948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24816061692688865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521083434002748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947936575032266,0.0,0.0,0.10682654947048056,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,M_ithAvo,2019/06/01,"FUCK. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck it that's all I can fucking say. FUCK. Do you know what I mean? Please fuck please if one fucking person could just know what I fucking mean for fucking once. No one fucking understands, and how could they. I'm so fucking tired. I don't want awkward silence. I don't want fucking frowny emoji faces. I just want one person who understands.",0.04201877934272247,1.7990254084507098,0.7151549295774693,98.36587793427229,111.8169014084507,3.020093896713615,20.226291079812206,5.2151,-0.15429089201877932,288,11,57,2,15,87,38,71,0.41100000000000003,0.52,0.068,-0.9839,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,1,0,4,15,14,1,0,0,6,16,1,1,1,17,30,4,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,3,15,0,3,0,1,8,0,1,28,1,0,0,0,0,14,6,0,14,1,0,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133177706971313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9184695150450994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799978730103556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460094242350705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557421825967804,0.14426088889463318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12392584901775072,0.0,0.1557940646411814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056433327203440166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815625430857486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775180755859962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556900854386085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Faded_Memories_174,2019/06/01,"Would it help or make it worse if I confronted the people that caused me to have PTSD? I don't really talk to these people if at all (my mom, brother, ex) I can't confront the guy who molested me because he died years ago. Do you think it's a bad idea?",2.058454545454545,2.7872318909090907,3.932500000000001,91.35875,75.54545454545455,7.6818181818181825,22.84090909090909,8.07648339933343,0.8641818181818177,194,5,47,3,4,66,44,55,0.252,0.6779999999999999,0.07,-0.9009999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,3,0,5,0,0,2,1,9,7,3,1,3,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,7,0,3,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,3,2,28,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272021858678177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140070472694101,0.15624339636510218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632996245899724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660079507422938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25378589650387634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17179830985620814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893413091429922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108803855860175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001856359599981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3553843419960197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29961113861561905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641979077791691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20601121346876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16423225706630787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26120044868395503,0.18207433708764006,0.0,0.0,0.1650543907441313 ptsd,failedcheerleader,2019/06/01,"Brain death I had an epiphany this morning as to the exact moment in childhood where my brain died. Something happened that was too overwhelming and I was unable to respond. It was when my dad was beating my baby sister and I could hear everything, it was like he was killing her, which wasn't a stretch since he often talked about wanting to kill people. I was standing there listening and wanting him to stop and knowing I couldn't make him stop because I knew he would kill me if I went into that room and confronted him. I now believe that this is the moment where I stopped wanting to live and started to hate myself even more than I hated him because I let him do these things to her and to us and to my mother, whom he eventually did kill. I developed a false persona in that moment and have been living on borrowed time ever since. I think I should have gone in there and made him stop beating my sister. I feel I don't deserve to live because of that failure. I think it might have been my fate to die defending my sister and I missed my destiny as a result of freezing still and not acting. If nothing else, risking death would have been better than living out the rest of my childhood with him anyway and then maybe he would have been taken back to jail which is where he belonged and where he was always happiest actually. Does anyone else know what I mean by this? A moment of brain death? And how a false self was born in that moment and you haven't really been alive since then?",5.7528911564625815,6.12712830272109,5.630340136054425,83.78727891156463,66.99319727891157,7.893877551020409,29.938775510204078,7.3871296695380915,1.720559183673469,1187,40,230,10,18,370,146,294,0.223,0.742,0.036000000000000004,-0.9959,1,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,1,1,0,3,17,12,7,2,9,0,35,3,3,4,2,50,57,24,9,11,3,5,2,1,0,5,0,2,1,1,18,19,0,4,7,0,1,3,5,10,0,0,22,4,41,2,30,27,2,38,0,2,0,0,29,13,0,4,22,172,59,0,0.0,0.0,0.09245970414393168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788373494514351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06624952002130305,0.09707981271426963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728548306612886,0.0,0.17327123675714526,0.0,0.0,0.10674776959552666,0.0,0.08379629346086152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31730798819840544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07564801496073557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19666549193817454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291400682436599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582984345368965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257970267363394,0.08570436354428086,0.0,0.0,0.08515277016720971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790708524443401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378473064991199,0.0,0.0,0.1870867000838685,0.0,0.0,0.1067871009849748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.419295428744245,0.0,0.10414128411427187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688554070804373,0.0,0.046288748316488125,0.0,0.3346544316390551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965219275347285,0.0632445631304867,0.0,0.0951864047596725,0.10320759342023794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051191990735653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091259639119352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568585285772369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069755099142427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098842104794419,0.0,0.0,0.2351278542632988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729411058437059,0.0,0.0,0.06706263153838236,0.0,0.07566532174005533,0.3168519645375554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615429638203718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294590070254043,0.12142049716157917,0.0,0.0,0.05524791663458786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396934436231256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676532494152074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878317027981661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019173053252908,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Maf1aG,2019/06/01,"I'm turning into a monster I feel sick. I'm everything I never wanted to be. I've used drugs to get through multiple traumas, I've lied to family and friends, cheated on my partner, stolen from family. I'm legitimately a mess. I feel I've become just like my abusers and I'm so lost as to what to do. I'm not the person I'm behaving like, I know I'm kind, that I wouldn't want to hurt anyone yet I'm behaving so destructively and I can't seem to stop it.",-0.06984545454545099,1.9356632700000027,3.2954545454545467,87.62772727272728,86.3,6.836363636363638,23.09090909090909,8.00094639256281,1.3601,357,14,81,8,11,130,59,100,0.27699999999999997,0.5760000000000001,0.14800000000000002,-0.9339,0,0,1,0,1,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,10,2,0,3,0,4,2,0,1,1,16,22,6,0,3,2,0,2,2,2,1,2,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,1,2,8,4,12,19,0,5,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,39,11,0,0.0,0.2549548413190733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045987884142098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376510147121089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24954217600313505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933912197137416,0.0,0.40570785639768936,0.0,0.217604421562763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16624866087974022,0.0,0.11242343065960053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303562015682311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22407837577464834,0.1182581019846244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102535825521547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23489598076574905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596120613496484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18788814942675827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589311795983955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990133430271274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340556356879713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18584769099441314,0.0,0.0,0.2538391984955395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ladoria,2019/06/01,"For the Veterans, from a violent crime survivor who just so happened to see this man at work.. I’m hopeful this might be a resource that can benefit you more than the traditional crap..(I want to note the veterans who participated/watched the Cry havoc play were receptive, & it’s founded by a Vet) https://www.facebook.com/407874175982881/posts/1407726809330941?sfns=mo this man brought an entirely new perspective to the experiences and struggles veterans STILL face today. I could be wrong in the exact percentage of vets who have benefited from the de-cruit work shops, but to the best of my knowledge it’s something like 80-88% Stephen is awesome, and his play ‘Cry Havoc’ was beautifully and tragically honest.... I’ve had a bit of wine and for some reason I felt the need to share this with you all... personally, I was crying and viscerally felt the pain of al the SHIT I’ve been through( and maybe some of his too? Not sure) but then it was released... I’ve never felt something so profound and healing so I just hope this link and Information can help others who are struggling despite or in spite of traditional therapy.... thank you for your service, it takes a true hero to do the work y’all do for the people In this country,.. and I’m sorry that the services Available to you are no where near where they need To be... hopefully we can work towards newer and More helpful resources... thank you 🙏",5.761352941176473,7.865260615686274,5.578578431372549,77.77610294117648,68.33333333333334,8.550980392156863,31.573529411764717,9.120678840339163,2.8157411764705875,1127,48,199,22,20,350,151,255,0.131,0.6459999999999999,0.223,0.9841,0,0,3,0,0,0,55.0,1,7,1,6,9,24,3,2,20,0,20,5,2,1,5,41,38,17,0,7,6,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,17,12,1,0,8,4,1,1,3,8,0,0,11,4,16,16,30,22,7,15,0,1,1,0,22,8,1,7,7,135,33,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611980969545966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215506260942607,0.0,0.1270791144773485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293626618169798,0.0,0.3835811967880453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138619491899134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33528798032910545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762705578415418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293250964593947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604149985067156,0.0,0.0,0.3468356526490645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05686736706827838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693987018979075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348245420308865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726188775091462,0.0897751820807159,0.112420253876178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385825691845348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080697397132308,0.10163635959525773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967902131328315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275606672224268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948336149667335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922146488038246,0.0,0.13030074371226685,0.0,0.0,0.09295752817317844,0.0,0.0,0.2433739907346017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970602114076897,0.0,0.08751863188916081,0.0,0.0,0.2143317412278448,0.13311402810485962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033399066550424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865598531992999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389635770829725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726558971257315,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nf12575,2019/06/01,"Child Bandonment Hi there guys, I have a particular difficult choice to make in terms of what abandonment means. I have complex PTSD resulting from my father road traffic accident in which he nearly dies in 2001 when I was 7. My mother at the time who was home with me decided that the best action was to go and stay with my dad. (I am from the UK) and dad hot by car as a pedestrian in Belgium. It resulted in me being left with my sister (9 at the time)m in the hands of a family friend of ours who we as children did not know that well at all and being separated from my parents for 3 1/2 months. My fear of abandomment is ginormous and as a result my adult self is battling with my shild self as to what to decide. I have always blamed myself for the incident as I beleieved that I did something wrong, whereas my adult self is saying that in fact it wqas my mum who made a really bad decision at time, albeit I can imagine she was under intense pressure at the time ofc. I am filled with toxic shame on the issue and dont feel ready mto say my mum made a mistake for fear of the same thing hapening again even though I am 24 now. &#x200B; any advice?",6.63666666666667,5.547986811965814,7.0927777777777825,78.94250000000002,65.4957264957265,10.535042735042737,31.893162393162388,9.725611199111238,2.7026649572649566,910,29,187,16,12,299,141,234,0.158,0.807,0.035,-0.9807,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,2,0,0,1,7,13,1,4,15,0,19,1,1,6,2,31,26,12,1,1,1,8,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,8,13,11,0,1,8,0,0,4,2,10,1,0,8,5,27,3,41,16,4,30,0,1,0,0,27,17,0,0,8,131,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325203465574132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284163968425134,0.1469376184206196,0.16478574836327495,0.092222111455143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323195302317116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231843531315544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14074583134789526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893849640838908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895717107409328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784472814653686,0.3052067107887232,0.06857046931550198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477497302424547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707251216219557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13427909537340682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603181234007866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14154569190265992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452986014907176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473449136204217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566423275765337,0.09052334019872807,0.0,0.0,0.1477233081837609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10824573177782824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058320191446786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158525407484522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687774546390578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156912540279895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4244246636569975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10440221596816347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454638759113447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09009585806854437,0.0,0.13323998128499984,0.0,0.3163102537345507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193319464868595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14827252518391973,0.16478574836327495,0.0 ptsd,aForgoneConclusion,2019/06/01,"How do you stop using snarkiness as a way to keep people at arms length? I'm not very good at accepting affection. My knee-jerk reaction to people showing me kindness is to ""jokingly"" tell them to fuck off. I do it with a smile to take a bit of the edge off the words but it's generally a sort of harsh ""don't go there"" type of thing. It's not just kindness. I tend to panic a bit whenever I feel like I've let someone get too close, with exactly one exception. I treat everyone that isn't a stranger with aloofness and/or jokes, to the point where I take nearly nothing seriously. I'm snarky, annoying, and borderline rude to people because I don't want them to want to get closer to me. I don't think I want to be anymore, but as I've been trying to scale back this type of behaviour, I've only become increasingly uncomfortable. I regularly fantasize about running away from my life and starting over somewhere nobody knows anything about me, and then never revealing anything personal. I don't want people to know me as well as some already do. But I also don't want to hurt people or act in this annoying, edgy way. It's just a lot easier though. I told some friends about my trauma a while back and it haunts me. I wish I could take it back. It's probably the biggest reason for why I want to leave everything and everyone behind. Has anyone else dealt with this? Is there any way to let go of the fear of people getting to close to you? And if not, is there a way to keep people at a distance without being a dick? Thanks.",3.4529668838219334,4.9650778729641685,4.850215798045603,83.07230523887081,73.20195439739412,8.37399565689468,27.12391422366992,8.959647251330699,2.1207373507057548,1205,44,242,25,24,402,160,307,0.162,0.706,0.133,-0.7609,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,2,2,0,17,20,4,2,16,0,19,4,2,4,2,53,48,20,0,9,12,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,12,12,0,3,7,3,0,5,11,9,1,1,2,1,27,11,51,41,6,32,0,1,0,2,8,15,2,6,9,160,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010070289356107,0.0725407268682819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06168588731330101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995991156706043,0.06342651719092468,0.09294307955791076,0.14929314570753965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522499884757015,0.20925109349747287,0.0,0.055295953205074466,0.10018203049309267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980635779312859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242452654484982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757765367675297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733545192017762,0.0815242682381498,0.0,0.0,0.1020739303834628,0.04586568423206853,0.06480321768385752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008229455222831,0.08385990169035222,0.1421766396258226,0.0,0.10310512793892623,0.07608321559803492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710689448449332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125437092758774,0.0,0.1889209410857583,0.09970364985338527,0.0,0.0,0.0960487562846967,0.0,0.18551417161346254,0.06407113144865642,0.04431630734680112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711836909412455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06996111770793267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703865863516361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061467420410506964,0.06898901652959606,0.0,0.10642860029859144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402080817942371,0.07920444327984252,0.0,0.0,0.08575023772198255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780068529326097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326495255382296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685825964744704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420498066657834,0.0,0.0,0.07583759312240007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046078158347741,0.0,0.07928450830254441,0.08351354922959484,0.0,0.0,0.060263670615637935,0.05812328336924642,0.08912208082733593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866772596008881,0.0,0.061586112411708034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834428592206008,0.0,0.07484522169146397,0.321018528216618,0.2880053945655013,0.0,0.0,0.0815591530726136,0.0,0.08185163509130333,0.0,0.10431198398320644,0.08744117002722697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Myeyebrowsare_,2019/06/01,"Saw new psychiatrist today I saw a new psychiatrist today to go over a new treatment plan for my PTSD. I was prescribed your typical antidepressants, Klonopin but was also prescribed Prazosin 1mg. From my understanding it was initially a blood pressure drug but is also used to help get rid of nightmares for PTSD patients and help me sleep. I’ve never heard of this medication before. I was on Seroquel 125mg for months and that never made me sleepy (literally ever). Has anyone taken this before? Anything I should know about? Did it work for you? I just want to sleep for more than 3 hours a night. I’m going on week 3+ of three hours of sleep a night or no sleep at all. I’m miserable. I tried Ambien in the past and it worked wonders. Any advice/thoughts is greatly appreciated",3.9328307692307685,6.09514522666667,4.958000000000002,80.06746153846156,73.4,7.548717948717949,26.871794871794872,8.384062270229773,1.9549641025641016,624,23,115,11,13,204,97,150,0.067,0.8390000000000001,0.095,0.6224,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,3,5,3,0,2,6,0,9,7,5,2,4,18,24,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,10,3,12,1,20,13,2,22,0,1,2,0,5,5,0,2,15,69,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19388212846626365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243501026912271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476113133321429,0.0,0.09975524820615636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063017203526749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057885275629298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965209728116386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333340983952447,0.0,0.13778633412981478,0.0,0.0,0.13364751010949588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625048925377896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23875819459739736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662035481299297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470303908381875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221182538674223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675811874069107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869875171739378,0.3512304347119625,0.0,0.22751697615309635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571996589853048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2834036954415157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4852375527734738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623660291169264,0.0,0.0,0.2298082665639808,0.0,0.0,0.0823016743409931,0.0,0.0,0.12619621391819205,0.0,0.10469675149050724,0.0,0.0,0.0714997838854935,0.0,0.0972368506485824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145991800306409,0.1765018912302391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,artashi,2019/06/01,"I don’t know who I am. I don’t know where I am. I just don’t know anything anymore. From the minute I wake up I wish the day was over. I basically just try to fill in the day so I can go to sleep. I have no concept of time, I have no interest in doing anything. I feel like I’m trapped between two places and two lives. I don’t know how to feel anymore. I just survive. It’s been 6 years of survival and I’m becoming so angry and so exhausted. I go on and off meds. Going on meds basically feels like someone has given me “wake up pills”. I function and seem ok but I’m still trapped. I notice when I go on meds my brain wakes up but it doesn’t make me feel any more at peace. I just feel like I’m always escaping a scary monster. Sometimes I pretend the monster isn’t real, so i carry on living in denial. Sometimes I feel like the person I was before this was like another galaxy away. I avoid my family and I have no friends. I can’t feel anything so I don’t derive any joy from their company. I just want it to stop. This is misery. Worst of all, nobody understands the complexity of my mind. The division I feel in every aspect of my life. I don’t want to let go of my past so I don’t ever live in the present. I wish there was a reset button.",-0.7076948122422415,1.3812218044280478,2.1052452789233804,94.16551714781856,91.10332103321034,4.959453006294768,19.40970262643803,6.522977012572876,0.11941667028435002,963,31,222,12,34,335,128,271,0.141,0.7090000000000001,0.15,0.1656,0,3,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,1,2,17,12,0,1,10,1,25,8,5,2,2,40,54,16,0,4,7,0,8,5,1,0,3,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,15,1,0,6,13,3,0,2,6,8,40,9,30,47,3,34,0,0,0,0,4,18,0,1,15,144,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830783264243102,0.0,0.0,0.12799731889696833,0.09868351555251184,0.0,0.0,0.18666550795175585,0.0,0.0,0.2323358293024721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884203164662433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393812801656196,0.08008146964125905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050589219823773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213875282041784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512872393415358,0.0792925173067926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871940893387523,0.0,0.38068251049143054,0.2689314681428548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270987089212709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674270508925998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20688362316421868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623480190579667,0.06647333289112736,0.2298892328076093,0.0,0.2493050255512043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628197764083463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136080815697252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502521106267098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714591731220016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983953134417517,0.0,0.082174033851993,0.09832589112482634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711884158886507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856750559080859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417889556325247,0.0,0.07973988539708524,0.0,0.18615623191599254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515711008658335,0.07868095130061704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054876839972015735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389514371374044,0.0,0.1838654070750256,0.09797279689626684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101812942314593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644584945112688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060435322724581 ptsd,LittleDragonMom,2019/03/29,"I was officially diagnosed with ptsd but I feel like I don't deserve it? About a month ago I was finally officially diagnosed with PTSD. I was already diagnosed with atypical depression, borderline personality disorder, autism (not yet specified as to what degree or where on the spectrum I am) and anxiety disorder. My psychiatrist told me that a lot of mental illnesses kind of overlap as they often have similar symptoms so it's difficult to tell what my original problem was or what problem should be addressed first. I finally have the official diagnoses though so I'm kind of relieved that it's not just in my head. I'm still not sure what to do with it exactly. I've been trying different kind of meds for a very long time but nothing has helped me feel any better yet. I've gotten worse as the years went by and I'm still sitting here in this hole unable to climb out. I never really expected to have PTSD as I don't have all of the typical symptoms. I do have flashbacks of past trauma but I can repress them almost perfectly, or at least I think I can. I a able to tell reality from memories though, which I'm told most PTSD sufferers can't. I can't say if this assumption is correct because I know practically nothing about PTSD. I also don't think that what I went through is bad enough for me to develop PTSD. I'm not a war soldier. I haven't seen people die violently. I never had to kill enemies. So I don't get why I would develop PTSD when so many other people have been through way worse shit than I have. I feel like I haven't 'earned' the right to get PTSD. If that makes any sense. Are there any books or informational websites I can consult to better understand this disorder? I'd like to read about other people's experiences and how they cope with it. I'd also appreciate any personal tips you might have. Anything that might help me feel better is welcome because I haven't been well for far too long. Thank you.",3.920581326070305,5.794984042216361,5.368038130904758,78.35192782364456,72.69393139841691,9.428581155843053,29.90390671546515,9.857291076455118,3.129392305728147,1548,67,293,43,31,520,186,379,0.18,0.6779999999999999,0.141,-0.9561,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,3,7,24,27,4,1,10,0,41,9,2,3,7,54,64,26,3,7,14,0,4,3,0,4,7,1,1,2,21,9,0,1,9,2,0,3,15,12,1,1,14,6,39,15,42,45,5,32,0,2,1,0,17,9,1,12,21,198,60,4,0.06416646400533459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056879698757833184,0.0,0.06425344487482068,0.0,0.07080928863009286,0.10262779616472227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454158354174273,0.0,0.0490871693327456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280353253932886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05357631720946232,0.07823056177213092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025006894099198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05526648142375392,0.2605104410878334,0.06659465905936679,0.06704029774988772,0.22062098061554555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630111009453142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276711437631799,0.0,0.0,0.12977796875047307,0.09168106941295354,0.0,0.14058244977172413,0.0,0.05457996150348426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704865813930366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585330409478701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601885650352932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099068536932772,0.2004584941801251,0.03526421051932594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940454794191479,0.0,0.0,0.1135706028877096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054552033082868136,0.0,0.0,0.04283161298431962,0.06505472317664382,0.0,0.0,0.07127447621608521,0.0,0.0646647036039765,0.13614095633487208,0.0,0.0,0.05121705938528272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897826555588676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313890558444553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061254150479833874,0.1334548404900335,0.11205536270712736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279728036570675,0.6000573011691863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418382836178163,0.0,0.04110667991803208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547978096609529,0.0,0.05102774763032453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586595320461112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248684208372157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060476132946118616,0.1333870500036069,0.0,0.0,0.11216863558409608,0.05907585901978951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822305584127199,0.12608645018861753,0.0,0.037415981174545115,0.0,0.0,0.1226276123010035,0.0,0.04356481706230346,0.0,0.0,0.06679955198144771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05294405286014293,0.0,0.050932352424380815,0.0,0.0,0.0576933572233298,0.11896590997847825,0.057900253309789186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078221743163845,0.045582015003598084,0.0,0.0,0.04132109903927508 ptsd,heiferly,2019/03/29,"Started making a written inventory of trauma in my life At first I just had the broad strokes of things I've considered ""therapy-worthy"" ... but over the following days more and more events and more details started popping into my head. It was almost as if the act of starting the list had given my mind permission to un-bury all this trauma from the course of my life that I've basically been living in denial of. I'm not sure if the list is complete yet, but now I need to figure out where to take it from here. Should I try sharing it with my spouse or a friend? Try to get back into some kind of counseling, maybe teletherapy (I'm bedridden)? Has anyone else made a list like this and if so, did it end up making you feel worse or better?",5.313978978978977,5.5220862837837865,5.892252252252256,82.10740240240244,67.91891891891892,8.739939939939939,28.606606606606608,8.515128840125781,1.912821921921922,582,18,117,8,9,189,98,148,0.078,0.823,0.1,0.6648,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,2,7,8,0,0,9,0,8,4,1,3,2,28,23,12,0,5,9,1,2,1,1,1,3,0,0,0,8,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,8,2,9,6,22,14,5,22,0,0,0,0,4,10,0,7,11,80,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771724009325214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107857531443587,0.1920781243137591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414757125463562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579589950158355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19655151929701914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089820679992967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566013856925281,0.0,0.1660366862141837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478698833272137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945603784809692,0.0,0.0,0.14483354488818045,0.0,0.09794174524328317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239124874593852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521399645862098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26482149741230004,0.09158501345311958,0.0,0.16553337332785262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738214097493282,0.2502661824225256,0.0,0.18833190521514814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892843159132111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900153140513746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39806209295077777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17668177621098585,0.0,0.14094893947426207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454217001602153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25455031212832996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910409391852182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,medievalfurby,2019/03/29,"Living in the same environment I was traumatized in To sum up the source of my trauma... was prostituted against my will and tortured by my own family ages 2-10. I've lived in this house since I was 9. I live with one of my abusers still, my father, who was the more... just physically brutal abuser. No self control, act and then think kind of guy, but he's no longer abusive, just has a short fuse. The other abusers I still lived with at age 9 moved out right before I turned 10... but I still have the memories. I sleep in the same room I was raped in, live in the same house I was beaten and psychologically torn apart in, live with the same person who beat me bloody daily and didn't care. All claimed to love me. I pretend my PTSD doesnt run my life but it does. I'm afraid of any authoritative adult, especially any girlfriend of my father's or my father himself, who terrifies me even though hes actually a good person now. I still have the mindset I've had since I can remember. My parents freak out any time I show any symptoms of my mental illnesses though, because I'm immediately not good enough and lazy and cant see past my own nose. I'm just... really struggling.",4.837598870056496,5.28993083898305,5.6960000000000015,82.24787005649718,69.0,8.835706214689266,27.59774011299435,8.841846274778883,1.8085370621468928,922,28,196,15,15,303,134,236,0.256,0.693,0.051,-0.9948,1,0,0,0,3,0,35.0,0,0,0,4,11,13,4,2,11,0,16,7,2,1,1,27,24,13,0,0,8,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,5,6,11,0,1,2,2,0,3,6,8,0,1,8,2,30,5,24,15,9,28,0,0,1,2,17,15,0,1,10,121,36,1,0.0,0.44747832391466696,0.09213809298445344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25682919997392983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057556177117650535,0.0,0.08034254138267054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626517714999706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105897522381544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262559934871304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755876346159986,0.0,0.06236202589299726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900864102078777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838623909422095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348840558359353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21789078723126964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832154539445814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669004106160742,0.0,0.0,0.5002355581630272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521569543201174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515087325415908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10035111386290256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397990324882513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483972516725748,0.0,0.09013241511617244,0.0,0.16488385502688732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036928383382967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060486421073449925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695689223441644,0.0806322329038593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523871338563838,0.0,0.0984982931391414,0.0,0.0,0.15620665816842194,0.0,0.09448592599587384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016085121505926,0.0,0.0,0.09870592070938224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813618234738884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049907449561314,0.18552989764614386,0.0,0.05505574268495087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10269938689785534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Striccly,2019/03/29,"Bizzare Aversion to Healing? Its a bit strange and a little masochistic to think about, but a small part of me doesn’t want to be healing, even though I’m doing a pretty good job of moving forward. My father was physically, verbally and emotionally abusive from the time that I was 9 years old until I was 14. (The cops were called several times, but they never removed him from the house because my father was very clever to hide his abuse, as well as my mother having Alzheimers and being unable to recall episodes she was present for, not to mention she’s stuck in denial) Now, at age 16, I see my twin brother being verbally and emotionally abused. Even my mother has been becoming more manipulative. Its IMMENSELY triggering, especially considering that nobody in my family realizes what’s actually happening is abuse. Ive completely stopped speaking with my father and distanced myself from my mother as much as possible. Its really helping me heal, but a small part of me wants to remain upset about this. Whenever I don’t reflect blood-curdling hatred towards my father when thinking about his actions, my mind says, “What? You’re not upset? Well, I guess your father was right, you are just being a spoiled brat who just THINKS her life is miserable.” Im not sure what it is, but there’s this notion in my head that says if I stay upset, then maybe someone will help me out of this shithole. Its the only thing holding me back from recovery. Anyone else have this issue, or is it just me?",6.521502797761791,7.537221374100722,6.732613908872902,74.30133493205437,65.4748201438849,9.343245403677058,32.71063149480416,9.444778638647367,3.101987370103917,1194,48,202,22,18,384,173,278,0.193,0.733,0.07400000000000001,-0.9901,1,0,0,0,3,0,34.0,0,2,1,0,15,9,0,4,10,0,25,5,1,2,2,34,35,19,0,3,12,9,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,18,7,0,2,5,0,0,4,6,4,2,0,9,4,34,5,31,21,5,28,0,1,1,0,26,11,0,3,14,149,52,1,0.0,0.5150816720016522,0.10605797075106198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759929930746204,0.11135756957799366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356976231851426,0.0,0.06625154864358551,0.1200307487568042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865261386463427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097649045086347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395102677088308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078987919925627,0.2445052812249315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143566894080442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245573291350098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911573192428671,0.0,0.0,0.11972549433794274,0.0,0.0961071484591937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153910391912476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569452978003186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254044553700448,0.0,0.0,0.11739522798722225,0.11343578898312573,0.10785013168607413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676532251967183,0.0,0.10892793254546916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918569365293243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973785512866154,0.0,0.0,0.11551178404250255,0.07989378740362252,0.0,0.08382227132963789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404349426646965,0.0,0.0,0.08265757111614841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353840662489369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225226440807196,0.0,0.11056868289634432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696244828740572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281384845194553,0.0,0.1728566037477895,0.0,0.0,0.08660549621911523,0.0,0.0,0.12277974378945668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920859200818854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584056922295426,0.0,0.09086303243796966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024315145614372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722035026763325,0.20891714378345244,0.10677952962040548,0.0,0.1267467158961875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967404589703172,0.12820693863292054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543637043674394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998765548893689 ptsd,chiefdissident,2019/03/29,"Minimum time one can hope for recovery? A loved one has Ptsd from an emotionally abusive relationship. She started therapy after 2 months. Her nightmares are frequent. What minimum duration can I hope for her to sleep peacefully again? Is 6 months too less? ",4.502121212121214,7.960226181818182,5.238181818181818,70.56893939393942,82.63636363636363,10.206060606060607,34.60606060606061,9.725611199111238,5.1027242424242445,208,12,31,8,6,67,37,44,0.079,0.662,0.258,0.857,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,2,1,0,0,2,9,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,3,5,9,1,7,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,7,22,5,0,0.0,0.2833579376453827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26901563770290265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4750670206098276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21584548276118595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817802818953155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241133698140051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795577883903555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25676149133591125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23932633779875045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692741659216485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734930113880224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394524013254105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,untazed,2019/03/29,Has anyone here tried LENS neurofeedback? I was curious if anyone in this community has tried LENS neurofeedback and if so what results you’ve had.,4.822948717948716,8.149201038461541,5.943846153846152,67.8844871794872,77.07692307692307,9.620512820512822,27.89743589743589,9.725611199111238,3.6556051282051287,121,5,19,4,3,40,20,26,0.0,0.909,0.091,0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,4,4,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7174388899703786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6966214460939822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Moxman73,2019/03/29,"Nightmares I tend to have nightmares that fall into one of three categories, I'm not sure what it means. The first category is the traumatic event. Ok I understand why I would have nightmares about that. The second category is random. It is bad dreams about people I love dying and stuff like that. But it's never the same thing. The third category always seems to relate to a job I had for 13 years. I haven't worked there since 2015. I have a lot of nightmares about the job. Any ideas why?",2.018948863636364,4.634633072916671,2.9323863636363647,89.5830681818182,82.85416666666666,5.990909090909091,19.14393939393939,7.348242739294969,0.4877416666666661,389,10,78,6,11,123,62,96,0.094,0.7879999999999999,0.11900000000000001,0.3481,2,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,8,1,9,1,0,0,2,14,15,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,1,0,5,1,0,7,4,10,13,2,6,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,5,55,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235662548703326,0.0,0.0,0.14086193687165915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17295279805388925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497805783724305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761927200556811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338352388267769,0.0,0.0,0.4111079066067401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011978778251944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17610256271112346,0.18695145118447645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22563559848632306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15975872237993366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403630598608832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360442124920994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857198605097514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713479029961284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371251256292425,0.0,0.0,0.1952264909814091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761425401566765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21563948449030676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3738222908755061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507999949234857,0.0,0.0,0.14714593026215522,0.0,0.0,0.13339102181219564 ptsd,rhorains,2019/03/29,"Just torture Life has become torture. I've turned into a shell of what I used to be, which was never much to begin with. I remember growing up fairly happy. I would play with friends and enjoy hobbies as if tomorrow would never come. Now it's as if I'm always living in tomorrow, never the present. I lost my mother at 14 years old to a fatal asthma attack. From there I started pushing everyone away because I just couldn't be happy and carefree like everyone else was. Their problems seemed so small and I couldn't stand what normal people considered a ""bad day"". It began to sicken me, and I became envious and angry at everyone. I discovered marijuana shortly after my mom passed and it was a godsend. I could escape to a place where I felt content with everything and everyone. When I was 19 I met the woman of my dreams and we moved in together. I continued to experiment with drugs and eventually it led to me trying methamphetamine. I was actually sold meth instead of cocaine by someone I thought I could trust at the time. Ending up doing too much and almost lost my life. Nothing has been the same since then. I was able to quit meth but the near death experience changed me forever. My body was completely numb that night and I was barely able to dial 911. This was my first panic attack of many and became the PTSD event I'll never forget. Talking to the responder as the ambulance arrived calmed me down enough that I decided to turn away the ambulance when they arrived, but this night is as fresh in my memory as if it just happened yesterday. Ever since then I get panic attacks from any unfamiliar body sensation. Like, heart palpitating, limb-numbing, im-about-to-die panic attacks. Some days are okay, some no so okay, and some just miserable. Something as natural as bad gas will send me into a panic because I think my heart is about to stop, the cyclical thinking takes over and I'm done for. I found alcohol at a young age and became a severe drinker for about 5 years (21-26). Alcohol made everything okay. I started drinking all day every day. The girl I mentioned earlier was a heavy drinker as well. We got married. Last year she was driving drunk and got into a fatal accident. We had been togther for 7 years. I've also lost a sister to heroin and my closest friend to a heart attack. All of these instant deaths just reaffirm my belief that I'm going to die instantly at some point, so I'm constantly anxious and plagued with apprehension about when this will happen. I gave up drinking last year after my wife passed. It has been hard but I'm doing a little better with the alcohol dependancy out of the picture. I'm currently clean and sober but have been taking kratom occasionally. I go to therapy and I like it, it helps, but it's no cure for my problem. I barely eat or sleep these days. I can hardly breathe. I have no friends. I had to move back home with my dad and stepmom but I don't get along with either of them too well. I'm just a weirdo and no one understands me. I feel like I'm going to die any moment and it's tormenting me. I'm always on the verge of the next panic attack. I don't know what to do. I want it to be over but I also fear death. I feel so hopeless.",3.3853809523809524,5.359876268253974,4.749523809523812,81.79047619047621,74.4126984126984,7.587301587301588,27.063492063492063,8.401726058763845,2.025206349206349,2539,97,474,46,54,843,298,630,0.21600000000000005,0.669,0.115,-0.9981,1,0,13,0,0,1,69.0,3,0,3,6,29,48,9,9,29,3,43,19,7,4,7,100,89,53,7,13,18,5,5,4,3,4,8,0,2,2,23,40,7,1,13,5,1,13,12,29,2,2,31,5,65,19,79,47,11,93,1,5,0,0,24,30,0,11,53,321,88,0,0.11222517030028044,0.0,0.054757788768817366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799018657960019,0.0561886485817338,0.0,0.0,0.08974642814329699,0.09338033186078397,0.0,0.0,0.07631696416925914,0.0,0.0,0.06339124940729893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3830169977045564,0.10543924172381508,0.04314711435728329,0.09370332955223908,0.06841142217867972,0.0619719417564121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049627021624434206,0.0,0.12465686484996985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935967482557568,0.04833602355900247,0.058832977943313984,0.06063777018622181,0.0,0.08960266663955495,0.0,0.0,0.1809398767174614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647200870232186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057422656482041486,0.0,0.10993794232572306,0.06507278420741648,0.0574171831308333,0.046874864683280205,0.0,0.04969909534537065,0.05797930029959141,0.0,0.0,0.050757045774428564,0.047277273104946116,0.21447191905187046,0.1008607467451376,0.1097777508755017,0.0,0.06314225852118427,0.05674441809289772,0.040086842043084825,0.053876881372557285,0.0,0.0,0.04772933626358186,0.0,0.061524553349591615,0.13005733228113775,0.0,0.058633019558807786,0.0,0.09567022576757077,0.0,0.08975672065354702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924034746722143,0.11946578060321075,0.10053170931913988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948105072344002,0.037611083023607966,0.0,0.056285498046131616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060611220930107276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030838009327639426,0.09147849228867876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926795667566999,0.10965509899281077,0.05623955162548745,0.049548440717790014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837605455604468,0.0,0.0,0.053095084814611775,0.0,0.056889354123748286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571838154889775,0.0,0.11927759556620154,0.08249841296429967,0.0,0.17310993959574122,0.0,0.05967637089057338,0.10531571998528501,0.054978419617233945,0.05384153881634986,0.0,0.058880718962262914,0.0,0.03802333990285287,0.0,0.0,0.329180142709102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038901401309739285,0.0,0.05862570852694308,0.0,0.05304453015724802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073843316370606,0.0655926092561763,0.0,0.0,0.05968264134180545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635646204803647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510827900793751,0.0,0.06339124940729893,0.0,0.0928338205753027,0.0,0.056153108988061584,0.0,0.047544011305492434,0.04319820946145368,0.0,0.0,0.07943355315832004,0.0,0.0,0.04691263374075751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437936147104125,0.04510117043673443,0.0,0.0,0.06416963137947193,0.0,0.0,0.07190935767465258,0.0,0.044547124772627435,0.03271969964650321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03809676199011923,0.12206875901780788,0.0,0.05841518005789725,0.0,0.04846325733480073,0.0,0.0,0.03309665654850321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10090390580108673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972154108388227,0.0,0.0,0.1806733255666026 ptsd,SorryIforgotYourName,2019/03/29,"I just need help right now My abuser contacted me after 7 years. I'm panicking and trying to breathe and texting the crisis text line and listening to a familiar comforting audiobook. Please, any and all suggestions and distractions are welcome.",6.360714285714287,9.520646738095241,6.48595238095238,67.2632142857143,69.71428571428572,11.81904761904762,36.69047619047619,11.20814326018867,5.783219047619048,201,11,28,8,4,64,36,42,0.23600000000000002,0.563,0.201,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,8,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,4,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,17,3,0,0.0,0.4973539808081076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854552235677773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813602514198245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3112511147499857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607769326004594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584778066150833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28499350909658844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703154933048172 ptsd,StarryBallarinaGirl,2019/01/29,"I feel stuck as a little girl most of the time I’m awake and it’s hard to explain It’s so hard to explain because nobody actually understand what I mean. I was sexually abused from the time I was six from when my parents discovered me twirling around in my cousins dress. I’m transgender and my parents weren’t having any of it. That’s when the sexual abuse and physical and mental abuse started. I was raped almost every night for twelve years till I ran away on my eighteenth birthday. They didn’t want me, and when ever I tried to kill myself they would just bring me back. No one ever believed me not even the police and if I ever told they would just make it worse. I was just a sweet child and all I wanted them to do was love me but they hated me so much. And as I got older all it did was get worse. And when you know this is going to happen to you every night you come home from school it really ruins having a social life or friends. I wasn’t allowed toys I wasn’t allowed fun things. When I left my parents I moved in with an adoptive family who decided they didn’t want me when I started transitioning and then they kicked me out. So most of my life I’ve been abused and abandoned. I Live with a roommate now and even he is kicking me out because of his girlfriend. But mentally I feel stuck mentally at a young age because I never had a chance to grow up, I have all these toys and stuff I never got a chance to have when I was little, I play with them I don’t care they make me happy. I like to play dress up I like stuffed animals I like all these things I never got a chance to play with or do. Because whenever I close my eyes or whenever I try to be normal all I picture are all of those terrible things that happened to me and it’s awful. Seeing that and feeling that I just feel so gross inside. And knowing that no one will ever want me, I have no one to call mom or dad, I have no family, I have no one to comfort me when I’m sad or depressed. I have no one. And it makes me want to die. I’m autistic and have had the early stages of schizophrenia and I’m just so sad and hurt and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m just such a screw up no one could bare to ever want. I could just use some support right now ",1.8643670886075967,3.385880278481018,3.3707405063291134,92.00218670886078,77.43881856540085,6.258987341772152,22.187552742616035,6.961326702584282,0.4707081856540083,1748,49,393,18,40,576,198,474,0.207,0.685,0.10800000000000001,-0.9947,6,0,0,0,4,2,29.0,0,3,9,0,32,26,4,0,15,1,39,6,1,6,14,94,86,46,2,12,16,6,6,3,2,3,2,0,1,2,24,30,0,1,12,5,0,6,18,12,0,7,23,9,73,14,45,57,10,55,0,6,2,3,31,16,1,10,35,285,97,1,0.0,0.33515452808412954,0.06901004455953264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081332591307113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0480903010912668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701327227641392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295353667408178,0.0,0.0,0.06644138608668075,0.05437736532756048,0.0,0.1724348407443426,0.0,0.0,0.07967436630502679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0722104382805,0.0,0.07210116846865415,0.0,0.0,0.06091683420088955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292428267245723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060908848836875674,0.0,0.07339356364827056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341643713908036,0.3198399779611118,0.11916502828118085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333226430168107,0.0,0.14302750016544166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463613790729716,0.0,0.036946956619233334,0.0,0.04019036494889977,0.0,0.16967765036960736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507044120664856,0.07528005630006178,0.12669791632840002,0.06981885584008245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07093538317659355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570450871653771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823839717301266,0.0,0.11659340775131387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683473245696996,0.0,0.09989967355011647,0.10364694372003863,0.1417549558134521,0.06244481705107208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382527300545447,0.0,0.14161337071732927,0.0,0.0,0.0770320507377505,0.0,0.0,0.21379971487762095,0.0,0.0,0.0828234401176633,0.0,0.07516147355520086,0.05198547350764403,0.0,0.16362500541662373,0.0,0.0,0.13272710042562127,0.0692881007963306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875199061170713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355701275461288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530341879584749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06039232857325184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156984983570341,0.05635266365042847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208754973634429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010837117840876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095457822793191,0.0,0.08024934105199509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094462401350855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824718448771823,0.0,0.0,0.06757356817778655,0.0,0.09602503320985796,0.0,0.0,0.07361937487593104,0.0,0.06107718414807945,0.0,0.0,0.25026595790709644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413427645262247,0.1004713160675744,0.0,0.0,0.04553972878894056 ptsd,flipdaberdy,2019/01/29,"PTSD enhanced I've been writing a lot since I stopped the needing to get high non stop to numb the pain thing. One thing I found is the scary similarities between PTSD that occurs in youth(formative years) and the more widely accepted understandable combat/adult PTSD. In fact the only differences I've found are 1: consent/awareness of origin 2: society's reaction 3: options available Can you help find more?",7.41986301369863,9.075001945205482,6.914958904109592,71.48997260273975,63.794520547945204,9.675616438356164,36.51780821917808,9.888512548439397,3.890229589041096,334,16,53,7,5,104,58,73,0.171,0.762,0.067,-0.7859,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,0,4,2,0,1,1,14,9,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,0,3,1,6,6,3,8,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,4,27,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747183217169425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400073114126,0.0,0.0,0.3934833720497301,0.0,0.0,0.09374760560374963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12027178556242095,0.18958338217533066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15254958486149167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13304909680869415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159009035428385,0.13646872924331954,0.1909319473407685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6292512419799283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843084090618675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3000321060627373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384178514829523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867986094711416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555053310087525 ptsd,singingchick,2019/01/29,"Child Protection Worker Living Past Traumas I was diagnosed with PTSD in my early 20’s and had success with treatment in lessening my flashbacks, nightmares, hypervigilance, and general feelings of anxiety. I felt like I was a success story. I wanted to become a social worker because I enjoy helping others and making them see the light I once thought did not exist. I still believe it is there. My experience was in school social work at the high school I graduated from. I also have been working as an associate psychotherapist to get my clinical hours for the next portion of my license. I feel like my empathy and first-hand knowledge have really helped me to connect with my clients. I have remained grounded and still considered myself to be a success story. Since April, I changed jobs to working as a child protection worker. I was positive I had overcome the triggers of my past and was ready to help children who deserved a voice and to feel safe. However, as of this month, my symptoms have started creeping back. I have been having high anxiety on a daily basis. I notice myself isolating more and more. I have been having difficulty sleeping in my apartment alone and tend to sleep over my mom’s house even though she is also a huge trigger to me. I have been having nightmares and find myself dissociating frequently. I wish I could take a mental health day or a vacation but I’m scared that my anxiety will get worse because the workload just piles up when you’re gone. I know I need to find a therapist and do self-care but I frequently work overtime and never have time with the two jobs I’m working. I also know that I keep coming up with excuses to not take care of myself. Don’t you hate it when you know the answer to feel better but you don’t take your own advice? Anyway, thank you for listening to me vent. I’m thinking of you all and remaining optimistic that I will feel like that success story again someday soon. I hope you guys do too. ❤️",5.378104458345746,6.901042155495977,6.058367590110217,76.23280210505416,68.46380697050938,8.743084102869625,32.31347433224109,9.150863307647796,3.023389315857412,1576,69,270,30,27,514,195,373,0.07,0.804,0.126,0.9490000000000001,3,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,7,1,13,16,16,1,1,18,0,33,6,2,3,2,54,67,26,0,5,7,1,6,3,0,2,4,2,0,4,9,19,0,4,15,0,0,2,5,3,0,1,15,10,55,13,39,48,5,36,0,0,1,0,22,14,0,2,23,195,64,17,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758220235156318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282626131474422,0.0,0.2150233885807208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569260727028607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891742233105501,0.0,0.10927124431811094,0.09898568064914533,0.0,0.1009786317988395,0.0,0.07926755842818498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138042360059503,0.0,0.0948131952814532,0.07720549100538604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155965017327473,0.0,0.0,0.057801825619243886,0.0,0.0,0.09096924338356344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919760926439576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876721390565394,0.0,0.0,0.2265898360117137,0.12805870631926627,0.08605571526027007,0.0,0.16383441329937193,0.07623644996558057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09365253346999942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874455287877968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08848783948278645,0.0,0.09526902187220186,0.0,0.0,0.1802247217463446,0.18939112023380256,0.0,0.08901956502341958,0.08826427420940391,0.103417211837859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778813979520532,0.07966435490153875,0.0,0.0,0.14776951907490826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136127781565415,0.0,0.07914204381125113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598265376206933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032266247620828,0.0,0.0,0.10496974186071553,0.07153920005899991,0.0,0.0,0.06645708395314498,0.06912565877542441,0.0,0.0953190431646117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020406250941443,0.0,0.09544954136515113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17111770875623974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476885004340293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057417177669173175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973199131363949,0.1814140695337231,0.07142089906125107,0.0,0.0935002252887933,0.0,0.0,0.07414015646811792,0.0,0.17938291285422908,0.1827263266641777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343826014571208,0.0,0.14315204323013705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315648897083967,0.2021644382416116,0.0,0.0,0.08251625040168573,0.0,0.10406354043591708,0.0,0.05742918902272288,0.08805780625668427,0.07115361148296899,0.052262066482846814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755229103343824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528641669570667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030663152225922,0.0,0.0,0.3262466310799041,0.0,0.09133729395337056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,p_638,2019/01/29,"I feel as if I was the abuser Hey, I don’t know whether this is the correct subreddit or not but I felt as if it was the most “appropriate” one? If I happen to make any grammar mistakes please excuse them, English isn’t my native language. This is mainly a vent. tw: abuse, toxic relationship, ED mentioned, suicide mentioned Throughout 2017 and 2018 I used to be in a long distance relationship with a girl I met on instagram. She was really sweet towards me at the beginning and I became extremely emotionally attached to her quickly due to how perfect she seemed to be. Though once our relationship evolved further she started humiliating and threatening me, at one point she demanded me to cut off my childhood friends because she was jealous of them and suspicious of me cheating with them (which I didn’t). She would tell me, her friends and her instagram following that I was extremely toxic and abusive and that she is afraid of me, that she needs help and so on, she even told people I was the cause of her eating disorder. I don’t know why she did that, we fought a lot, I did everything she wanted me to do - I even ended up cutting ties with my childhood friend because she kept saying “it’s either her or me” and at that point I was convinced I couldn’t live without her anymore. But besides calling me names, starting fights with me, threatening me to kill herself and so on the one thing that stuck with me the most was that she kept telling me how terrible and abusive I am, that she was the victim and I shouldn’t cry around because it’s my own fault and because of how weak I am. After many times of trying I broke off with her a couple of months ago. And even then the things kept happening, she would post online how, because of me, she would kill herself and created an account on a porn website using my image and private information (I am a minor). I just can‘t get over it, I have nightmares about her, get flashbacks and I just don’t know how to live like this any longer. She did ruin my life and I am haunted by these memories of her, I don’t know if in truth I was the one abusing her because of all the fights and the things she spread around. It may sound stupid or delusional, I am sorry if it does and I don’t think anyone can understand what is going on with me but I had to get this off my chest. I’m so confused, angry and it hurts not knowing the truth. Thank you if anyone actually took their time to read this. ",4.123988012909173,5.533159381742742,4.8345712309820215,84.24818234209316,71.36514522821577,7.679207007837714,29.57146150299677,8.167268648758528,2.0085599815583217,1930,78,380,28,36,621,222,482,0.249,0.667,0.084,-0.9986,0,0,0,0,4,1,44.0,2,1,4,1,18,30,11,2,21,0,42,5,1,9,5,92,77,46,3,14,19,0,2,1,3,5,2,2,0,1,26,31,1,3,11,1,1,3,13,20,0,4,24,5,89,10,52,45,7,40,0,3,0,1,60,21,0,15,16,293,115,1,0.0,0.4634348081539081,0.07633889225715419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934408295594426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639495560543608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775807985774288,0.10939716967126722,0.0,0.0,0.13927836980959285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28612105990468284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798791669085441,0.0,0.0,0.08036133516980498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655739584842757,0.0859293893541956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965565287046162,0.0,0.06845753501137118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004640536598936,0.0,0.08799556595112552,0.06928646992788756,0.0,0.0,0.15500585549518525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030595876743863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03955424530816192,0.0,0.07511080222058347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813154420493432,0.0,0.12261213966405694,0.0,0.04445857062102069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383528875654119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052434338185860616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374430666114183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730945867455762,0.0,0.214959325825478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525449566322427,0.03821807351827692,0.0,0.13815287879628002,0.06922899980124603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650634215943113,0.0,0.0,0.05221755720906536,0.0793105487397808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06244055598630361,0.0,0.0,0.05800480390947271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330988362411723,0.21203629389461395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423319586140117,0.0,0.0,0.08587045750170827,0.14790081058976184,0.0,0.07492045509124838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078248809602504,0.0,0.050114629376213186,0.0,0.0,0.25196162874565936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220975922881292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121550551517028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756943849189418,0.1107398525853017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556834140100561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674881092663066,0.0720215007819076,0.0,0.0,0.15591290420788576,0.05012511307736127,0.07685825920707726,0.0,0.09123033205545568,0.0,0.0,0.07474986247988083,0.08691378651050166,0.05311143262538595,0.0,0.0,0.0814377321817919,0.0,0.13512712851615005,0.0,0.0,0.046140688934594304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058827765207312,0.0,0.0,0.0754086534889495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166712013182382,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Voidspun,2019/01/29,"Accidentally poked old memories, now dealing with 20yrs of anger all at once So. Firstly, im on mobile so i apologize for formatting/typos. To keep my bum out of the fire that has been threatened, gonna keep this as anon as i can. 23ish years ago some really bad things happened in my family. 3 years later visits started happening and at the end of each visit tiny me would beg to go with the person leaving. They'd leave me behind. Looking at it now, they might as well have been abandoning me over and over and over for 11 years. Little me didnt understand anger or trauma, and wasnt really allowed negative emotes anyway. Once i was older, the visits stopped and i actually did go with visitor. Then the fighting started. I didnt know how to process anger. Punching pillows and screaming didnt really help, and i didnt have anything productive to put it towards. So i ignored it and hoped it would go away. Ofc it didn't. Fast forward to now. I'm in therapy, finally processing this shit. Realize some really upsetting stuff about visitor. Cue accidental poking of the anger that I've been ignoring and shoving down, and its like i dropped a goddamn mentos in diet coke. Fury doesn't begin to cover it and I don't know how to keep a lid on things while i do such necessary things as work and communicate with people. Help?",3.100351562500002,5.5412303945312535,4.536412500000001,80.77733750000003,77.0859375,8.158500000000002,27.036875,8.954980946260402,2.515643625,1055,43,193,26,25,350,149,256,0.22699999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.993,1,0,0,0,2,0,30.0,0,0,2,2,12,16,6,1,8,0,22,3,1,3,1,40,40,24,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,4,0,1,1,1,15,18,2,7,4,0,0,8,9,13,1,1,11,3,18,3,38,24,4,45,0,1,1,0,11,17,1,5,22,132,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.11768396259388125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106900771329041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099239948182303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330358710557414,0.0,0.1006923341673316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432882438254672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565387950529464,0.10681195514061764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368685026061942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210664476184344,0.0,0.10257860205401167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20561186862590206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132846778828849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16166545023769174,0.0,0.0,0.11977869561976308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026400110535855,0.0,0.0,0.3215728760858074,0.0,0.0,0.1325524356546094,0.0,0.0,0.2553867708123875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05891694523394921,0.12086852735659614,0.0,0.0,0.10126997693165922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793293177969645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12654485295435786,0.25686087230856797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360584237455497,0.10529947385927137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123194144797422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090266570308419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378970626889582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707164498195771,0.0,0.0,0.10082336702156416,0.0,0.0,0.1380531720677372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791164085912413,0.0,0.2403551825836805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554432929846904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842997629073244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779507271421144,0.0,0.0,0.17133538570105394,0.0,0.0,0.23297894271216826 ptsd,imigawakalong,2019/01/29,"PTSD & Mdma treatment It seems the last post on here about that was awhile ago, so I thought I would give it a shot and ask if anyone has recently participated in that research study with MDMA and treating PTSD. I've been checking out the MAPS site and found a local study and reached out to them. I haven't heard back yet (it was only yesterday I emailed them). Just curious if anyone has participated, what was your experience, and did it help? I know a lot of people have tried it recreationally and tried to self-treat, just interested if anyone actually did the real study with the therapy and everything. Thank you in advance. My heart goes out to all of you dealing with PTSD... my boyfriend suffers from it, as related to combat and I hope we can find not only a counselor he trusts (he has a hard time with counseling - if he doesn't vibe with the person or thinks they are bullshitting him, he will walk away - he is realllllly intelligent and smart and needs someone who doesn't treat him like an idiot). So, hoping to find some real help he can heal and grow from, but was interested in that study, as it seems vets seem to benefit from it.",5.330784313725491,6.402160751131222,5.907131221719457,78.95306485671195,68.18552036199094,9.151251885369533,28.760482654600306,9.3871,2.335200663650076,910,31,179,18,15,295,129,221,0.037000000000000005,0.84,0.124,0.9474,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,1,3,3,1,8,13,1,0,11,0,20,2,1,0,1,47,34,21,0,8,9,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,13,20,0,0,9,0,1,3,4,2,0,0,10,2,17,11,27,22,3,22,0,1,0,0,24,11,0,12,8,116,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.11970506226804095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873668090701934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329093825451864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573143509208945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146768612306602,0.0,0.11524945838601752,0.09432316620071636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646404264771832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024497373790287,0.11999162858527194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22423039156631425,0.0,0.0,0.1344977701860793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176731331193546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988532220290513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536070048992314,0.1644418862243508,0.0,0.0,0.2436715403105223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741444294568857,0.09998978101393577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992878249868976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428689222521764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095584777991353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658719617798256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504168577289622,0.10710788281844784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748084726769625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4301726321610617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792432547053249,0.0,0.0,0.12111862626563588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350136321114046,0.1279681826658398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393514715914512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293507124382003,0.1402801298720672,0.0,0.0,0.07859990634794424,0.0,0.0973837049425604,0.07152797385797098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656535513117476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713894638660752,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,quietaway,2019/01/29,"I ran into my rapist ex today On my walk to the post office, I had to cross this driveway to a carwash and this car was backing out. I always try to be polite, so I waited for the driver to back out. The car just stopped midway. I looked to the driver, confused. Normally when I look at drivers I smile because who doesn’t like a smile? But when I looked up while smiling, I recognized his eyes. My smile dropped. He recognized me. His eyes said it all. They were wide in surprise and shock. Instead of backing out he drove back in and parked. I panicked and ran and didn’t stop until I made it to the post office. I was paranoid. The memories came back. I felt my body go tense, my mind slipping away... almost as if reality was escaping me. I felt these shocks in my head. I became shaky. I wanted to cry. I turned up the music on my earphones as loud as they could go so I could try my best to stay grounded. I didn’t feel safe until I got home. He’s out there. And he’s close. His mom lives close, so that explains it. Still. I’m paranoid now. ",0.2555128205128199,2.523876203703708,1.9629629629629648,95.78602564102566,87.88888888888891,4.4341880341880335,19.881766381766386,5.8734145424116955,-0.1268797720797723,804,25,177,6,26,262,121,216,0.14,0.745,0.11599999999999999,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,2,1,15,9,1,2,9,0,11,5,4,1,1,35,31,19,0,5,3,2,3,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,8,14,0,4,4,0,0,10,3,5,0,0,16,10,35,4,30,12,2,47,0,0,5,1,14,18,0,4,16,119,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137861772320233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916954965163493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326744085424295,0.5044264621135244,0.0,0.07997877070525583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768711207792653,0.0,0.0,0.14573447668770878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500587268601264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095062754587144,0.0,0.14411788346425133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663390506866177,0.0,0.251946625541892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912884050268432,0.0,0.10493323997352802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346498398853819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160506824445506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409806827361439,0.0,0.11585268227930785,0.0,0.3305268053014639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414533943974493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247537503218146,0.15366075434864596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854889655179366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25130813792759754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248019755002619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984256238432835,0.10477710318884312,0.2193794344653165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436298761795178,0.0,0.0,0.17815341910959548,0.1427087608595714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738561254551095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sami_Zayniac,2019/01/29,"How would you describe it? I tried posting this in a few other subs that I can relate to. However I do not have PTSD and I have no idea what anyone who does is going through. But I would definitely love to try. I want to know how everyone has or would describe whatever struggles they have faced with mental health. I started a really small blog mostly aimed at trying to inform friends, family, and anyone who happens to read it, about mental health. Its been a success so far in the sense that 3 people in my life have begun discussing the struggles they have with me, and how they fear for their well-being. I think it would be great to get as many perspectives as I can. I know it's almost impossible to describe mental illness of any kind to someone who hasn't experienced it, but maybe bringing some different perspectives could help.",6.2636875,6.935117993750001,6.3587500000000015,77.97125,65.9375,9.15,31.0,9.120678840339163,2.603075,669,24,121,11,10,213,105,160,0.057999999999999996,0.826,0.11599999999999999,0.85,2,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,1,4,1,5,8,0,3,5,0,18,6,1,3,0,26,28,12,0,6,4,0,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,14,5,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,1,17,5,20,21,3,11,0,0,0,1,13,6,0,4,2,89,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291773134520138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902662548092373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562671015300344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598033119523824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868274771854022,0.0,0.0,0.11615974204387912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683665489907156,0.0,0.0,0.12513338314213374,0.14936692671011112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255289391457628,0.0,0.06935002120881295,0.0,0.07543794987826435,0.0,0.0,0.14634389154291855,0.0,0.0,0.11737959691328773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28218814558803224,0.0,0.0,0.08897134839721269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984481769938973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822599098101065,0.14589844541534308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937566326619655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198010456504656,0.0,0.0,0.1345752937414583,0.1333529598489811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4013054421235533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09202367628967527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271261189256065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516338327057502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327737193160356,0.0,0.0850352327176049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246830598860552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395249703446924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775327350889349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505302161433953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703607562989637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829219272179562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119347222094521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3771724947183603,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,deoxyribonucleiic,2019/01/29,"Can I call myself a survivor? (CW: sexual assault) Basically I tried out tinder and met this guy and agreed to a date and then he tried to make it into this weird week long relationship thing I didn’t want and when I tried to back out he guilt tripped me. I mean I wanted out but I figured the relationship was going to be over after the date anyway bc we agreed to that so I just sucked it up and went with it. Then when we did stuff he stopped when I said no but he didn’t really ask before doing anything and I froze up but he kept going. Like he didn’t care whether I was comfortable. And that really fucked me up. I feel like what happened is my fault and I was just weak and stupid. I feel like a fraud calling myself a survivor (although I did experience emotional abuse in another later relationship). I just want to feel okay again especially with sex. Am I valid to call myself a survivor? Could this count as sexual assault? 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Hi all, I bike to work every day, and two weeks ago I was tapped by the back of a bus going round a corner downhill. I fishtailed, lost control of my bike and crashed into the curb, flipping twice into a bar of shrubs and landing 3m from my bike and losing consciousness. I came to on the foot path, a passing car having stopped to help. My bike was badly damaged, but I wasn't, miraculously; my basket was completely mangled, but all I had was a mild concussion, some road rash, impressive bruises, a torn ligament in my shoulder and a sprained wrist. Considering I was going at 40km p/h and the bus was going significantly more, it's miraculous. I lodged a police report but because I was knocked out and didn't remember much, there is nothing I can do with them, and the bus is being an utter jerk and denying everything. Now I have been in bike accidents before as a teenager, even ones involving a bus. I was dazed, but fine, and now my bike is fixed. I was totally cool with the idea of biking again, right up until I started biking to work this morning, when I started feeling nauseous and anxious. I kept feeling like I would lose control of my bike, or that a car would clip me. This was pretty irrational, but I still felt unduly worried, imo. I'm familiar with trauma causing PTSD (I lived through a large series of earthquakes in Christchurch from 2010 - 2014) but this seems kind of.... unwarranted? I was ultimately fine, and before today I was more pissed off that it's costing me $600 to fix my bike. TL; DR I was hit by a bus the other week on my bicycle, I only received minor injuries, I am now concerned by riding but it feels like I am making a mountain out of a molehill. Any advice?",5.483997493734336,5.815874459064332,6.356750208855472,78.49447368421055,67.56725146198829,8.853467000835417,33.244778613199664,8.704169506293173,2.712298913951546,1363,58,258,20,21,452,191,342,0.141,0.763,0.096,-0.9272,0,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,1,7,9,16,2,0,25,1,30,7,5,5,3,51,47,23,0,2,8,0,5,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,21,1,5,8,11,1,9,2,9,0,3,21,6,38,7,38,22,7,42,0,4,1,0,5,17,1,3,18,179,47,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258690389534535,0.11417993245792235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08759340614981037,0.0,0.0,0.14551562725588865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904489134834303,0.10754874610650396,0.07851975708694403,0.0,0.21921111335173935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732127885855234,0.0,0.13232061670995454,0.0,0.0,0.13505204217930214,0.0,0.2889367623048095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830700763979987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507603127564604,0.0,0.10852573683493398,0.0,0.11576372894794315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19538657943948806,0.18403997457527854,0.1236752432050358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21961253394506536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633684284701056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14540780498676195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341330200754121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585751709374085,0.0,0.11373923842823412,0.0,0.0,0.2882049249178889,0.14060842414964744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719597953018338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468821345500378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359411380179113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728318510930662,0.0979637840671844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104336879957412,0.0,0.0,0.15056888401009985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591360332799758,0.11000076200417692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726136193689335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823409921885216,0.0,0.10286570571309106,0.10768870134031597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209429442663962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582605180806175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20664295240052924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875465508437126,0.1308101031774665,0.0,0.18300207307937216,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,50SahdesOfBrown,2019/01/29,"I lost the woman I loved because of PTSD First time poster on here but I’m just seeking advice from other people with similar experiences. Long story short I was in a 4 year relationship with an abusive woman. I already had combat related PTSD when we were dating and she knew that and I think she manipulated that. She would threaten to kill me and my friends, beat me and attacked me. I snapped one day and picked her up by the throat and threw her on the floor and told her she wasn’t going to kill anyone, that she doesn’t know what that does to your soul. After it was over I tried to kill myself. I felt like a monster for what I had done. I was stopped and baker acted and got help and put on medication. It helped but this woman would come back into my life and prod at me and pull me back in only to torture me. This went on for two years of the 4 years. She ended up leaving for another man and I was okay with that, I wanted peace. I ended up meeting someone amazing and I fell hard. She was everything I could have wanted in a person and so kind and gentle and driven. But while we’re together, we would do things and I’d get these waves of emotions relating to my abusive ex and i couldn’t place why I was thinking about her and I felt terrible. There was pressure of marriage and I hadn’t sorted out the unknowns feelings yet and my anxiety skyrocketed so I broke up because it felt wrong to be thinking about someone else while I was this amazing woman. I’d later come to find out through a therapy session what these emotions were. I was diagnosed again with PTSD relating to an abusive relationship. It was clarity and I realized that this amazing woman was what I wanted but it was too late. She felt like I used her to heal myself and left afterwards but it’s not the case, not at all. But I can’t change the way she feels and I lost her trust. We were romantically involved but she essentially broke up with me and ended things. Now I feel numb and don’t know what to do. I still love her so much and I she’s my best friend and I feel like she’s my person but now I’m heartbroken and numb and tired. Please help. ",1.667890424987199,3.9462961935483922,3.1252503840245787,89.83390732206864,81.3041474654378,5.977593445980543,22.317255504352282,7.213258583274324,0.7620441986687143,1684,55,351,23,45,550,197,434,0.19399999999999998,0.64,0.165,-0.9458,0,0,0,0,0,2,29.0,3,1,0,6,17,28,5,1,13,1,32,10,1,3,1,85,65,45,3,8,11,1,9,3,2,3,7,0,0,8,26,44,0,1,16,0,0,10,8,14,0,3,32,9,69,14,47,27,3,59,1,4,0,2,45,22,0,1,29,251,95,1,0.0,0.28059878512177394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714085169872095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711405679342782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277718693003769,0.06039013439917677,0.0,0.0,0.055197826399428336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980750574625412,0.0,0.12140248846809565,0.0,0.0962441754894698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284437520490315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835097821236498,0.13600245648234996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06302847169189063,0.0,0.0,0.05091082364098417,0.0,0.0,0.08012409741453679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06908235642010246,0.08078470014984564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594560614219695,0.17759742735155573,0.2097565714214212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094765099594172,0.07722006635460496,0.0,0.0,0.1596610495456913,0.05639591953426293,0.3031853956845089,0.0,0.07215122387960958,0.06714771406666788,0.0,0.0,0.1219802221434604,0.0,0.04124374588468991,0.0,0.0448643501560418,0.0,0.06313683664824825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071619888778632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587387409701268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620116675387593,0.0822055645738688,0.08676851575233585,0.0,0.08904960228870093,0.08358779277324525,0.08577031697717037,0.0,0.05575881110217922,0.1157006855143441,0.0,0.0,0.06986086247602227,0.0,0.0,0.17234823885371706,0.0,0.14249581463430136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952539178218726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803118457471047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05349289463311895,0.06003867036250898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05472818975553557,0.13785758083055102,0.08247720629056081,0.08665420906705029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27683563921133003,0.07935814660263481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695075449649765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13377398164908194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06304289136768779,0.06599874130121211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090276639001158,0.0,0.1048906285937539,0.15174783579191214,0.0,0.0,0.046031501969304216,0.09073179619353132,0.0,0.07543211483339299,0.0,0.05359618803101397,0.0,0.07711450633980514,0.0,0.0,0.06818022627185663,0.0,0.0,0.1396854641897021,0.06266019511788694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317968616014738,0.07123254664415936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16823361682925214,0.08631028497387963,0.0,0.15250747344513513 ptsd,snc4444,2019/04/18,TIRED BRAIN? anyone else when they get stressed or just sometimes no reason have what feels like theyre brains asleep? im not tired yet but my brain is. idk maybe its dissociation . just like numbs me out . I also have dpdr chronically since my accident .,1.424089834515364,3.804395617021278,1.7615602836879454,91.73444444444449,103.46808510638296,4.642080378250592,15.860520094562647,6.42735559955562,-0.10035508274231696,202,5,39,3,9,61,39,47,0.239,0.639,0.122,-0.6568,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,3,8,4,1,0,8,5,4,0,0,5,0,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,20,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15228249925387574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314932140590624,0.19511252581091876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6377305570169473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907533466980184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628440913655134,0.13603938607493735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948900409674416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20569126587028266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860637005396361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191307124893024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19578822381362615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575212128768028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833481763036386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21813075802792148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377301745792221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,punnyenough,2019/04/18,"New subreddit created specifically on Somatic Experiencing Hi all, feel free to join /r/SomaticExperiencing if you're interested in it as a form of therapy. Would love to have you there!",6.423020833333332,9.53842609375,9.58875,45.31458333333336,69.3125,14.266666666666666,35.666666666666664,12.45797560212912,6.535966666666668,153,8,24,8,3,57,30,32,0.0,0.62,0.38,0.9286,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,4,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,4,6,3,2,3,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,1,15,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588574150339512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4620550639539217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4944447153501308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5854596966833878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636747497121592,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,frankieteardroppp,2019/04/18,"Confused about my memories Hi y'all, I was diagnosed with PTSD a couple years ago due to physical abuse at the hands of my parents and sexual abuse at the hands of a neighbor when I was 13. The diagnosis made a lot of behaviors ive always had make a lot of sense. However, some of the behaviors that are specific to childhood sexual abuse were present before the incident when I was 13. I know there is a lot of controversy about repressed memories, however this isn't entirely that. I've always had memories of my dad coming into my room at night, probably until I was 10, and getting into bed with me, I have memories of waking up when he wrapped his arms of me, and smelling alcohol on his breath. The memories kind of stop there. I never really thought about it much until recently, when it occurred to me that that sort of thing isn't exactly normal. Is it at all possible that I have repressed some sort of sexual abuse at his hands?",7.936994535519125,6.7133125355191305,8.782622950819672,68.31142076502734,62.98907103825138,13.597814207650273,38.366120218579226,12.650343791298138,5.041126775956284,746,33,138,25,9,255,94,183,0.14300000000000002,0.857,0.0,-0.9781,3,0,1,0,4,0,16.0,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,3,11,0,15,8,6,2,3,27,21,9,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,2,0,3,0,10,8,1,3,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,9,4,20,1,31,12,7,26,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,8,15,103,30,0,0.0,0.6574575528311359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296980686761867,0.14825298489388553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308577434840115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804328349043748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949781185675523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349465731931994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408011967677542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247718186084544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445893615607402,0.07623868008448911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538126846098537,0.0,0.13126331022968984,0.09259885849492176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197756357486587,0.0,0.10699193618551904,0.0,0.0,0.13018238950705302,0.13591934875615874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403577215753197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638964094892469,0.0,0.0,0.14956714561765982,0.0,0.16216007654250605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886967759816575,0.0,0.13697249130394484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159788635408717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216157505846116,0.0,0.0,0.11013077913496226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893332362755813 ptsd,shouldntbethishard72,2019/04/18,"Monolgue My tears weap more than I smile, I don't even try to hide the sadness that hides behind my eyes, I think I no longer miss my lovers touch, The reality being to miss it hurts too much, We pretend to much, a facade we keep, No one benefits, the hurts too deep. I consider the options day on day, I'm not ready yet to give up on us and walk away. It's harder to stay I realise... I'm hoping for a miracle...a compromise xx",1.9949450549450558,3.051946736263737,3.873406593406596,90.44659340659344,76.14285714285714,7.397802197802199,23.98901098901099,7.957251820313856,1.020138461538462,327,10,77,5,7,111,63,91,0.257,0.626,0.11699999999999999,-0.8373,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,3,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,6,0,2,2,1,0,0,8,10,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,5,0,1,0,2,12,3,12,9,3,10,0,5,1,1,5,5,0,2,3,47,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23243558120195634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190983904652589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340194823683052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373236583623784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24571888183955104,0.0,0.0,0.5296825523832501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21989588697412074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3637273229984716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764113559748695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636899658118713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852061406841514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796484630040567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975855127531993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sherdais24,2019/04/18,"Is this a ptsd symptom? I've been diagnosed with ptsd a while back, I have this thing, for example.. when I have a headache, I will automatically become paranoid and make up all kinds of things like that I have braincancer, one voice tries to convince me that it's true while another voice is saying like no you're fine it's just a headache, the first voice I was talking about always take the upperhand. I just always make up the wooorst scenarios. I'm also super fearful in general, some things that scare me don't make sense at all. I'm in therapy but they don't know about this, I find it unpleasant to talk about it .. the scariest and darkest thoughts come by.",3.1165128205128236,5.349303446153846,3.61192307692308,88.46224358974361,76.07692307692308,7.102564102564102,26.98717948717949,8.07648339933343,1.679641025641026,528,21,107,9,12,165,82,130,0.125,0.7909999999999999,0.085,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,8,9,0,2,8,0,10,2,0,3,3,18,19,7,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,4,0,0,13,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,2,3,4,10,7,14,15,3,11,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,7,71,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435329350883593,0.2795867288314237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616757080288395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291852397746117,0.0,0.0,0.18554798563832506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472116817626687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17052122846627585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905198941983906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535532471291733,0.14290470733306584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495103608314275,0.09233098640559118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415721499465508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33643331450883834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384432900209578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3927769947271663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360407629660126,0.16820200786996606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462120545440116,0.12631862183646894,0.2700716191001385,0.0,0.0,0.19212800993738308,0.0,0.3348445614907187,0.0,0.0,0.1333769611420143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406415946096993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,questionable_apples,2019/04/18,"Does anyone have tips for triggering dreams? TW - I’m describing school shooting/guns/being shot dream My coping has been good lately, no flashbacks for a while, getting less jumpy, sleeping better, but I just woke up this morning and last night I had a really bad dream. My PTSD is from being in a school shooting. I don’t go to a physical school anymore. Last night I had a dream that I went back and it was all normal at first until a team of people came in with guns and it happened all over again. I could feel and see a bullet go into my neck and nobody would help me stop bleeding. I woke up crying and really agitated and had to double check that my neck really was ok in the mirror. How can I stop this from happening again? Are there ways to stop certain dreams from happening?",2.576666666666668,4.855314838709682,3.5896774193548424,87.73118279569893,78.03225806451613,6.455913978494625,20.655913978494624,7.554174236665415,0.7624107526881718,620,16,121,9,15,199,98,155,0.152,0.6990000000000001,0.149,-0.5554,0,0,0,4,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,8,1,15,4,3,2,3,24,28,11,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,10,0,3,1,6,1,4,2,1,0,1,10,2,13,4,19,15,4,27,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,0,14,82,19,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847863807203958,0.09763479715856127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736933054532244,0.1165879099188629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234942398384122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970321003727522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148576765181452,0.0,0.1533805403698565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221939756740492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060275378288272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11877194937205147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07295259661805542,0.0,0.15871355858973366,0.11711772380193225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3704315976640317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359320699618613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276394290241317,0.15751235915691622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620726442348962,0.13681091300479514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680409636007524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632237670922659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683578572567858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239488333683935,0.111269601499534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973406587893816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3502188839666487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083435416424517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944139797590218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919143636511786,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jazzybluecat,2019/04/18,"Does having PTSD once make it easier for you to get it again? IMPORTANT TO NOTE 1) I HAVE NEVER dealt with a verbally abusive person before and after that woman. The only “bullying” I’ve experienced was when nobody wanted to be my friend in elementary school. 2) I HAVE HAD PTSD before. I had it when I was 12/13. It developed years after I was sexually abused (age 5-9) by a family friend. *** I’ve posted about this incident before, but I’ve been thinking for the past week... is my response to the incident overblown, or is it a result of a deeper issue? *** To sum the incident: I’m sick. I take a twenty second break while my coworker takes care of the customers. I notice an agitated customer. I assume she’s in a hurry. I call her over to help. She accuses me of not wanting to help her. I tell her that I’m sick. She proceeds to scream in my face, accusing me of not wanting to help her, not wanting to be there, of daydreaming, and that she hopes I get sent home. I’m left speechless because none of that is true, I literally offered to help her. She continues to repeat the above statements over and over — throughout the entire transaction. I scan her stuff in silence. She gets increasingly aggressive, now pointing in my face. I’m still having a freeze reaction. She leaves once the transaction is over. Her friends refused to even look at us for some reason. When my coworker finished, they bolted out of the store without a word. *** I didn’t know how to react during and after her explosion. I started experiencing PTSD symptoms two weeks after and I’m still experiencing it almost a year and a half later. I will be seeing a psychiatrist in late May, but for now, I feel like my reaction to this is abnormal. I know there are CS worker who have been sworn at, called derogatory names, physically assaulted... and they didn’t react as badly. Do you think developing PTSD from this is somewhat, or does it seems like this incident might of triggered something deeper? Did this incident somehow re-triggered my PTSD?",2.7220693093991537,5.41986963874346,4.3906507105460015,79.78343804537525,80.36125654450262,7.51244078783346,25.58738469209673,8.491030156203081,2.2449908252306163,1590,63,282,37,42,532,199,382,0.094,0.789,0.11699999999999999,0.8413,0,0,1,0,1,0,66.0,1,2,2,1,14,12,2,0,21,0,29,5,2,7,2,48,56,17,0,5,8,0,2,2,3,3,3,1,1,2,18,9,0,1,9,0,1,4,8,4,0,3,11,9,48,8,50,39,4,48,0,0,3,0,39,15,0,11,29,201,66,2,0.0,0.21391922239194755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039610296125393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537479579790192,0.05503002936611046,0.0,0.23044889183304298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435914792914596,0.0,0.09204008658652918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579983030929196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962494884270845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510204072795235,0.0,0.04564511151162967,0.06449157244718348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20923578510079505,0.0,0.14149289776717186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420343196929351,0.0,0.09055191404367767,0.08966218528885601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422232274888424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922416490392784,0.0,0.1018327021674954,0.09558684808855404,0.09808267436424148,0.0,0.0,0.08820637147342789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07580719917563053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025841734820981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576616421163534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962466760768556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277724264070327,0.0,0.1922771575297404,0.0,0.06865724136236341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861764922389254,0.0,0.0788235410908185,0.0,0.0,0.0853378561445724,0.0,0.08645728165205109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5276258113944169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281643195174692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913618366493859,0.07193647692439134,0.08218181551112197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949712955881322,0.0,0.0,0.06389621241230581,0.0,0.14418543857411695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334182576963563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382897313377417,0.135749224084751,0.0,0.07890322107271776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568752522638001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818431924531138,0.0,0.10858818493720572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129831450692234,0.0,0.14482428576936734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702065658511468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626664781953938 ptsd,sororitygirl12345,2019/04/18,"PTSD from something that .... Never happened ? Hi so , I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this , so if it isn't I would appreciate it if I could be redirected to the correct subreddit. But basically, with every person I have tried to pursue a relationship with, I start freaking out every time they touch me. I went on a date to the movies a while ago, and when he put his arm around my shoulders I started panicking and I had to leave because I couldn't breathe and I felt like crying. Similar things happened in similar situations, where he touches me (whether it be holding my hand, putting his hand on my back, hugging, kiss on the cheek, etc) , just real simple things, I start freaking out. I have not gone to a therapist or psychiatrist or anything and have never been diagnosed for anything, my current situation does not let me get that kind of help, but everyone I have talked to has said that I have ""PTSD""-like symptoms from a sexual assault/rape experience. Someone who has experienced a rape has told me that she has the same reactions to people touching her. but for me .... It's never happened, not that I can remember, at least. So , is it possible to have PTSD from something I never actually experienced ? I am so very confused about this. Any help or advice or insight would be appreciated. Thank you",6.12858870967742,7.0189061330645135,6.822741935483871,73.75411290322583,66.29838709677419,10.070967741935485,35.25806451612903,10.125756701596842,3.67293064516129,1043,49,188,24,16,344,141,248,0.091,0.82,0.08900000000000001,-0.1518,1,0,2,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,1,0,10,10,1,1,11,0,25,11,6,0,6,42,39,21,0,7,16,0,6,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,16,9,0,1,3,0,0,4,10,4,0,0,7,9,31,6,26,24,3,30,0,0,0,3,17,11,0,8,15,144,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.10190930221683896,0.0,0.0,0.1020484747354606,0.09257151758374643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101645939933993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187514166555756,0.09296546662860616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030076479868528,0.0,0.06365998750721108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337941906818798,0.0,0.11471222400642668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599496571081432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138801229906307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646783931047455,0.0,0.0,0.1759747433623055,0.0997880123865096,0.0,0.10215326661462247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026985219358237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054560732312725055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770431784099125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999539838022818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874850737057416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11057703630662492,0.0,0.10678746963204402,0.0,0.1020391333738393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221735856698317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239910069177867,0.09118486213648756,0.1091078581199178,0.0,0.0,0.11772992709181382,0.10001574655285372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36622171147743376,0.20996340175918055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188650032696918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211949336122748,0.11829962941310465,0.08918325011137831,0.0993375133321452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347689722127075,0.0,0.0,0.0884837961077675,0.1607917150131727,0.0,0.0,0.2217497681237197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842470207610984,0.1085434866438395,0.0,0.08393744363519154,0.0,0.09614576099125777,0.0,0.1212520956532869,0.13875823803244006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060894382967095664,0.0,0.0,0.0997880123865096,0.0,0.07090159260311371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616626718021367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096808308306331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836915087659713,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LordBando84,2019/04/18,"Your help is needed to PREVENT Veteran Suicide TOO! I self-published my book that I wrote in six days last July. The book is titled, ""81 Days: The Hidden Suicide"" on Amazon Why? The awareness of behavioral & mental health related to veteran suicide is not high enough. I survived veteran suicide. However, 20 veterans a day do not survive suicide. That's about one veteran suicide every 72 minutes everyday. This is a very alarming crisis. ""According to the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), veterans accounted for 14.3 percent of all deaths by suicide among United States adults in 2015, despite constituting only 8.3 percent of the adult population."" Improvements Needed in Suicide Prevention Media Outreach Campaign Oversight and Evaluation.... ""A new report illustrates a troubling trend of veterans committing suicide on VA hospital campuses after receiving inadequate care from individual facilities. Nineteen suicides have occurred on VA campuses from October 2017 to November 2018 ― seven of them in parking lots, according to data [the Washington Post obtained](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/national/wp/2019/02/07/feature/the-parking-lot-suicides/?utm_term=.3a01df419256) from the Department of Veterans Affairs"" Read and Share my story to learn more about how suicide affects us veterans and you. 81 Days: The Hidden Suicide on Amazon Always remember to love your veterans like we love you.",10.572540322580645,13.503299142857143,9.60167914746544,50.379661578341036,57.57142857142857,12.982603686635947,48.58554147465438,12.273956033585215,7.752696082949308,1162,76,122,41,16,366,138,217,0.242,0.637,0.121,-0.9915,1,0,0,0,0,13,60.0,2,4,1,2,4,7,0,1,12,0,6,3,0,2,2,18,12,4,13,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,2,2,3,1,3,2,2,0,3,1,0,12,5,31,11,6,23,0,0,0,2,17,10,0,1,9,78,15,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058002528807011684,0.07552844383619102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107181531278102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982322748285998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202685980707539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058731883696339936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409620201723753,0.0,0.0,0.04672371329311774,0.07365018780154722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056821214686905486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03405574231439034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852627002620178,0.1258281415315366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024913360136728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337499895137603,0.0,0.06732429149267041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047235854148430616,0.05301597335421339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667608667256403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972673007592281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896542359724626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272050710197481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.9149890981173064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384998006006576,0.0,0.0,0.05751628996164328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290050682397721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cascadiapdx,2019/04/18,Self-inflicted PTSD Does anyone have PTSD from inflicting trauma on another person/people? Is this a thing?,4.5966666666666685,8.01392088888889,5.105555555555559,69.14500000000001,90.11111111111113,9.066666666666668,22.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.5165333333333333,88,3,11,3,3,28,17,18,0.184,0.816,0.0,-0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3221817151931296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21483854481949274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26887930003979393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21301064579249632,0.26828159721048284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7183249747548295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205320424072578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041253386430208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway1121356,2019/04/18,"Advice for finding a good therapist? Not for me, for my girlfriend. She has ptsd, and she distrusts therapists because of a bad situation in the past, where they made her describe her traumas in detail. I really do think she needs one though. She’s badly depressed, and I don’t think our relationship is going to work out unless she starts getting professional help. I may have to tell her that she needs to see a professional or else we aren’t going to work out, and if I do do this I want to be prepared to help her find one so I’m not just dumping a full burden onto her shoulders.",4.578793103448277,5.576721189655178,5.628793103448277,80.53301724137933,69.86206896551724,8.213793103448278,29.15517241379311,8.472884824447931,2.080779310344828,462,17,90,7,8,153,76,116,0.149,0.741,0.11,-0.7759,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,1,2,4,8,2,0,5,0,10,1,1,1,0,21,22,8,0,4,6,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,7,0,2,1,1,21,1,16,19,1,11,0,1,1,0,19,7,0,3,2,68,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16432007729527973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808064385041729,0.10250632451801388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483249899939435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047274381791078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073830382674672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08785455906278893,0.0,0.19113383695154398,0.14104125774886672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254228173665093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591132539271851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24937105664835502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22789368764535176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052390996373833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19656534175932688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10772502653910428,0.0,0.0,0.18053659168530975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399854467160116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18901436675329528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902166799571715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469757381190412,0.0,0.0,0.3904841063349936,0.0,0.21549512402848645,0.16521239637784546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09918275365657933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24483911204325925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sticks-and_stones,2019/04/18,"Trusting people again My life is a mess and I'm at my lowest point. Making a throw away. I'm not sure if this is the right sub to post this on either. I just got out of a relationship that was completely planned and he has done this to multiple women. I was pretty much in a hostage situation for a while. I have to limit where I live because of them. They admitted to stalking me and a ton of really graphic things a normal person wouldn't tell you. I have always attracted very strange people and I'm not sure why. I'm also pretty sure I have PTSD from this situation and possibly my childhood. I havent seen a professional but I know my reality is not right. What is the best way to get over this? What is therapy like? I'm trying really hard to get out of my comfort zone but I'm very fight or flight everywhere.",1.291666666666668,3.56855911904762,3.5726190476190496,86.07238095238097,82.80952380952381,7.066666666666667,21.833333333333336,8.167268648758528,1.3110690476190476,644,21,134,14,18,221,100,168,0.09300000000000001,0.775,0.132,0.8552,1,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,1,2,3,4,10,1,0,10,0,14,1,0,1,3,25,27,11,0,3,9,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,9,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,5,2,17,8,19,21,4,17,0,0,1,0,10,11,0,2,4,90,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388540295934604,0.1184967128214019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379909128273682,0.0,0.0,0.08681194943380915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14945074181554888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931440813832678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573510072204096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880692629942335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389846383209094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127571586556308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826493357785166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058855126087722,0.06957444097610004,0.0,0.12575083496677833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505992891611456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468789898740424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953178085660325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745863341855047,0.12434711269814405,0.0,0.0,0.13462369069667685,0.16054612760303905,0.13638962670778867,0.2897647860338633,0.0,0.0,0.1664699284603784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18246326947416855,0.0,0.0,0.15289528272553685,0.0,0.24323510268156226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.320150112219992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026598462040748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12447281087855942,0.0,0.16285849985551049,0.0,0.09461102346455963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966871925813813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350066948568431,0.0,0.1130386054516468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850307472353575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fuzzysockclub,2019/04/18,Is this a normal reaction to a trigger? A traumatic event in my life was just triggered and I began laughing nervously and uncontrollably. I literally couldn’t stop and the more I wanted to stop the more I laughed,5.607416666666667,7.410505575000002,6.720000000000002,70.63166666666669,68.25,10.333333333333336,35.833333333333336,10.504223727775694,4.320583333333333,173,9,29,5,3,58,29,40,0.27899999999999997,0.5720000000000001,0.149,-0.5729,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,2,0,11,5,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,2,3,2,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32923256114427385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.456696164688757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7793901699617551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27492816663257363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,crazyfox567,2019/04/18,Feels Wrong to Say I Have It My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD for an incident that happened 2 years ago and it doesn’t feel right to call it that. I know I check off all the boxes but I didn’t suffer through a war or something major. It feels like I’m cheapening the right to the name by putting myself in that category. I don’t want to call these symptoms depression anymore but it feels wrong to call it PTSD,2.168382352941176,4.2421676470588245,3.26904411764706,90.54944852941178,78.41176470588233,7.0735294117647065,24.742647058823533,8.07648339933343,1.3670294117647064,330,12,71,6,8,106,57,85,0.22899999999999998,0.72,0.051,-0.9620000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,5,0,4,2,0,0,1,13,12,4,1,1,3,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,10,2,0,0,5,0,1,1,3,5,0,0,1,5,8,1,11,11,2,7,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,3,43,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14487050579121194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207827763384985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5006397728083063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076170043107405,0.16587763379763304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305397247879755,0.11675415998493376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452028165121025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981665033095794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984346183474751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820809824178173,0.16429191723565625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27913602129404896,0.0,0.1299658009805016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258161132549298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986596116034305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897543962120404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639502980746616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573692885373846,0.0,0.10524332316095736 ptsd,deannaandrews,2019/04/18,"Has anyone used CBD oil? I was diagnosed with PTSD and I have been struggling pretty bad for the past three years and I’m getting to the point where I am feeling hopeless because I feel like I’ve tried everything. I’ve gone through Cognitive Progressing Therapy, tried meditation, breathing exercises, meditating, reading. I just don’t know what else to do or where else to turn. I’ve done a lot of research on CBD oil and it seems to be very helpful to a lot of people so I wanted to see what you guys thought? Thank you❤️",3.2783547008547025,5.271236365384618,4.3474358974359015,84.4753418803419,74.76923076923076,7.699145299145299,29.824786324786324,8.515128840125781,2.3053581196581208,418,19,83,8,9,136,74,104,0.09,0.7829999999999999,0.127,0.4316,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,1,4,0,9,3,1,1,0,15,22,5,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,3,0,1,5,5,7,2,12,16,2,7,0,1,1,0,3,4,0,4,3,46,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734674122203846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15206761140645106,0.1110223256029598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184854066992828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637814159995453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30428582384207065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368311473556973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417676642376613,0.13011085833233216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951533235420936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803333842619006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220752258247394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009169239540487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897756921795642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096740425753764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738598850641891,0.1262632439168109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216794830525664,0.0,0.0,0.18528762821904052,0.0,0.0,0.21289556012932634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18217529644187555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513085047975638,0.16580067983639976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903976500304491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676771611195594,0.2082769655109991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458770870936946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24730321220561455,0.1981008006854134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15729839738022866,0.0,0.15027303248825932,0.10742263974867036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728317956281978 ptsd,Its_Jacob_Bitch,2019/03/16,"Is it normal to have trouble sleeping at night? Every night I dread going to bed, I just can't sleep. I have to turn on the light and check the room every couple minutes to make sure it's empty. I don't know why I do this. I can't even sleep unless I have a wall of pillows protecting my back. It makes me feel un normal.",1.1574761904761883,2.578613414285712,3.120000000000001,93.47333333333334,79.14285714285714,5.238095238095238,18.80952380952381,5.46131890053228,-0.3841904761904762,249,5,57,1,6,84,48,70,0.11800000000000001,0.846,0.036000000000000004,-0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,8,3,3,2,1,10,14,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,9,1,8,14,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,36,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479398659836151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288138912040133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270750716568632,0.0,0.32420214196947195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097280684155005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093425025018504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105735251014819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568502900573758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36109931643577015,0.3770124677545951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5776017846385748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18132999444178804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927049373850368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360654690332725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Throw_Away-One23,2019/03/16,"Wondering about a diagnosis I've been seeing a therapist recently, and she said I may have PTSD. It was never something I considered, but she's the professional. My dad was an alcoholic (unbeknownst to me at the time) and he died of liver failure when I was eleven. I hadn't seen him in a month up to that point, he stayed at our lakehouse when he wanted to be alone and distance himself from everything. My mom woke me up that morning, told me he'd died, and drove us up to the lakehouse. I was in such a shock, I didn't know what to do or feel. My last memory of him was seeing his body hoisted up on a stretcher by EMTs. I walked into the house and saw the dried blood on the chairs, couch, and floor. He'd been bleeding internally and had started to cough it up, among other ways which I won't go into. A year later my mom gets diagnosed with cancer, and she died when I was 15 after a long struggle with the disease. She started to get dementia towards the end, and couldn't remember my name. My dad was gone a lot because of his job, and presumably his alcoholism too, so my mom was everything to me. She wasn't the best mom by any means, I vividly remember her selling prescription pills to people in our house, smoking weed in front of me and my older sister. Her and my dad never slept in the same bed. Looking back on it, it was a pretty strange environment. Not abusive by any means, just...odd. My sister started drinking heavily after my mom died and she'd been accepted to college. She got a few DUIs, the last one resulted in her having a horrible car accident, and she almost died. We'd moved in with my grandparents since my mom had passed, my dad's family wanted nothing to do with us after he died and they gathered up the belongings they felt belonged to them. My sister put a lot of stress on my grandparents and me. Many times I'd have to pick her up from bars where she'd been kicked out, she was a violent sort of drunk and took it out on me quite a few times. I knew she was just self medicating, she'd been through the same things I had. Thankfully she's recovered since and is doing much better. During all of this, though, I was in the background. I was always the quiet kid, never spoke up or really opened up to anyone. I suppose looking back that by that point, I felt like I had no real foundation, no support system. Somehow I managed to not touch any alcohol or drugs but my problems would lie elsewhere. Since my dad died, I've had this sort of nervousness, or fear if you will. One example is the year after he died, my friend convinced me to play with him on the little league baseball team. I thought it might cheer me up, so I did, but I found that I couldn't bring myself to swing the bat. I'd played baseball for years leading up to that, I had no issues before. This time, I just couldn't swing. The whole year, I didn't get a single hit. I just felt so numb, inadequate, almost defeated, but I was far too young to articulate the things I was feeling. My mom was still alive and fairly healthy at this point, I often wonder why she didn't take me aside and try to encourage me. I feel like it would've helped me immensely just to feel like someone was in my corner. After that year, I never played sports or committed to any sort of extracurricular activity again. My philosophy during these times was just to push through, once I got older and on my own, I'd be okay. I did fairly well in high school, got into one of the best colleges in the region studying computer science. From the moment I arrived on campus, I had that fear. I changed my major from everything to computer science, to criminal justice, to nursing. I wasn't good enough for any of it. I kept good grades and scholarships but I just kept pushing the feelings down. My grandpa died in my sophomore year, and shortly after that, things started to really head south for me. I stopped going to class, instead I'd just drive around town, or stay in my room and not come out. Everything I'd pushed down started to come out. I found myself crying while talking about things that had nothing to do with emotion or anything remotely sad. I decided to drop out of school, I didn't care anymore. That was two years ago. Since then I've worked in a factory, waited tables, done all sorts of things to scrape by. I feel like an utter disappointment to my grandma and sister, they're all I have left. I've had moments of sheer panic because I feel inadequate, like I'm all alone. I've abandoned good relationships and friendships for the same reason. I started seeing a therapist recently, I'd always assumed I just had depression with some anxiety but she told me to consider the trauma itself, and the effect it could possibly have had on me. She gave me a book to read, which I'm going to pick up sometime this week, Man's Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl. Hopefully reading a similar account will help me feel less alone. So this all leaves me wondering, to the point of this post, could I really have had PTSD for almost 12 years and never realized it? I'm not sure. All I know is that I'm tired of feeling inadequate, I'm tired of feeling alone and numb. I don't want to give up. I just want a normal, stable life. I'm tired of being afraid, so I'm taking a step to get help and open up, which is so hard for me to do. I just discovered this sub and thought I'd try to reach out. Regardless of what diagnosis I may actually have once my therapist gets to that point, I'm trying to hang in there. All of you guys are such an inspiration! Thanks for reading, sorry for the essay lol.",4.703630979942972,5.495144889990987,5.555360929008362,81.92597049935421,69.44183949504058,8.807939950771331,29.05321326737016,8.994212911058018,2.233175166329539,4389,156,876,78,74,1438,429,1109,0.183,0.721,0.09699999999999999,-0.9989,3,4,6,0,0,0,138.0,5,2,3,10,40,46,1,7,53,2,85,25,5,6,14,173,172,57,9,15,28,17,15,5,1,7,17,3,3,4,44,52,6,5,36,12,3,22,24,18,1,5,71,26,143,28,154,79,24,156,0,5,8,0,81,73,0,28,60,594,187,20,0.0,0.046803623401667084,0.03854842904805828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0350162988051398,0.12664744989117754,0.11866718042453335,0.16364937939572688,0.0,0.0,0.065737955789578,0.0,0.0,0.13431418363432893,0.0,0.030219059284613436,0.0,0.03917554762753903,0.027620842459474042,0.0,0.032506928020771715,0.03516531480734941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074947560254133,0.0,0.04816032409682258,0.0,0.03361344538087123,0.0,0.08291020083399102,0.03493646776046163,0.0,0.043878016425299086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040275104801567374,0.0,0.04178806823245165,0.06805525995565953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0630785522047716,0.0,0.04339128942957321,0.0,0.0,0.03402316942081845,0.040093880796679186,0.368973232671218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04042444461178718,0.0,0.03869709738759587,0.04580998724345271,0.0,0.0,0.044434635220853634,0.034987206272374116,0.04081631114234517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420080476972512,0.0,0.03723913933874089,0.08890186865705291,0.19973488921936475,0.08466109503340064,0.11378486160328925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866242020664207,0.030519285982527924,0.0,0.10319129228713604,0.03789409016601978,0.06734999701290108,0.09939766228300216,0.09478050489695763,0.0,0.0,0.03911336834444063,0.0,0.0,0.0353861939178208,0.0,0.040540632665907635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794324349807466,0.04173622158528152,0.0,0.03923457748870425,0.0,0.09116042322720297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04123001253145085,0.03919981798334323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043418729692270654,0.06439909734670682,0.0,0.041827104549698006,0.04291923373544488,0.0,0.02790155768156868,0.09649384814296316,0.03959156157095011,0.0,0.034958185899747266,0.06634376399986272,0.0,0.0,0.06716668099774413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0400490100191556,0.0,0.1290883621903306,0.0,0.03979429012383166,0.0,0.04190557009571769,0.0,0.32385132739572725,0.03153026289733411,0.041984565420628256,0.029038647197371124,0.0,0.15233258076292588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03870374891756408,0.07580681344394485,0.0,0.0,0.0841370641603804,0.08030309769831398,0.0,0.0,0.04634729656022075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02738583755800762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671163985338785,0.04453277220636266,0.037832168661873215,0.04018791796018127,0.0,0.03779825100736799,0.09235186813929966,0.039710601090080636,0.0,0.04201543044184152,0.11853860840276195,0.04496212853159751,0.075918323320875,0.04061481972477054,0.07800727358621776,0.04241055763038449,0.08949653803220993,0.0,0.03757561872366552,0.0,0.0,0.07995662938579279,0.09443436837040407,0.0,0.041209388445555314,0.0,0.0,0.13070644473303186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03347006859987635,0.03041070777087866,0.03906866570910894,0.044219455989901804,0.16775907629614084,0.08420813507848529,0.031546491669003,0.03302559095014005,0.045249613287083684,0.041296254978176086,0.0,0.0,0.04482660530711029,0.0372303367997183,0.0,0.059401445929810615,0.03175035565999517,0.0,0.07273659941183787,0.0,0.13759522549591507,0.13121746438430792,0.0,0.038810690909961816,0.06272063635887816,0.11517019301327855,0.13620583339234113,0.0,0.07549205090509435,0.04388837502792257,0.08045816090586043,0.0,0.038587889594397684,0.0,0.09503251660778042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931976360166294,0.031354991504683315,0.03168626575383455,0.0,0.035517203496538814,0.0,0.03564457293314431,0.04410277283796876,0.0,0.0,0.12851528623268246,0.02875805722970158,0.0,0.0,0.05612243005371216,0.0,0.0,0.20350486834697165 ptsd,bufotoxins,2019/03/16,"does anybody have a service dog? anybody here have a service animal for their ptsd? not an emotional support or therapy animal, but a service animal thats trained to do specific tasks to assist with your ptsd. if so, how long have your had your animal? what tasks does it perform? whats the biggest challenge in having a service animal? whats the best part? thanks!",2.9760294117647064,5.880643073529412,4.383823529411767,78.77220588235295,81.5,8.105882352941178,29.088235294117645,8.841846274778883,3.1847294117647067,291,14,48,8,8,96,44,68,0.04,0.7859999999999999,0.17300000000000001,0.91,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,3,1,3,3,4,0,0,7,0,6,0,0,1,0,6,8,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,4,5,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,1,36,9,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599767450068264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335793737372944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786622566121492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192327431399456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682668232884945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5791648755556158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28112041269282456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280759685508145,0.28330018422648817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Entropyexempt,2019/03/16,"I want to quit I want out of my shell-shocked body that flinches at every weird noise or touch, out of my death-obsessed mind, away from my memories. No joy can rip me away from my demons, from the sense that at any moment the most deathly nightmare can suddenly come back. If the people that where suppose to love me and protect me could inflict such devastation beyond what I could ever imagine, what else is lurking around the corner? What other horrors? ",9.255348837209304,7.709854651162792,7.888023255813953,76.80319767441863,60.62790697674418,9.995348837209304,37.77906976744186,8.07648339933343,2.99666046511628,364,14,66,3,4,110,62,86,0.12300000000000001,0.736,0.141,0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,4,0,5,2,1,0,1,15,9,3,1,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,10,2,15,7,1,15,1,0,0,1,1,10,0,3,4,50,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509592873631104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21612201147832666,0.0,0.0,0.4561918762658935,0.1866796719352956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26966928126384315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20912993035716526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876735828563293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20280810180319775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196046895538372,0.20454915617634867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21911471720017328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451344388921763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16831023215575852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25822204038169816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863910172749154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,d8zedandconfused,2019/03/16,"Feeling so traumatized. Need advice on how to cope. Ahhhhhhh. So I’m 26 and last Friday I found out I have thyroid cancer. It was a major bomb drop of course and I was shocked. Everything considered I think I responded well to the news and processed things in a completely normal way with good days and bad days. It was major and overwhelming but overall fine. I was unsure if I was ready to go to work but I decided to try it and see how it went. I’m a nurse and work on a labour and delivery unit. Anywayyyy.. Second day back. My 35 week pregnant patient has a massive hemorrhagic stroke in front of our eyes a couple hours into my shift with her baby still inside. They did an emergency c section and transferred her to another hospital for brain surgery. It was the most disturbing and horrific thing I have ever witnessed in my entire life. Her husband was right beside us. She was in hospital overnight for high blood pressure which is probably what caused the stroke. I found out this morning she’s had a lot of swelling post op and they don’t know if she will make it. To put things into perspective. A mom hasn’t died at our hospital in 30 years. My soul is crushed. I am absolutely destroyed. I keep playing it over in my mind. I can’t stand the thought of her not recovering. She’s in ICU in an induced coma. If she dies I feel like I will never get over it and ever be able to return to the career that I loved so much. I absolutely could not go back to the area in the hospital where it happened which makes me so sad because I loved my job soooo much. I know this will never happen again but just being there would be such a reminder and bring back all the awful memories. What I’m asking is how do you move forward from a traumatic situation? How do you cope and move on with your life when it causes you so much pain? I plan to see a therapist about this but in the short term how do you get by? I’ve gone from being a perfectly well adjusted, happy young adult to a compete shattered mess. I feel like broken pieces of the person I used to be and it a happened in the span of a week. 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I just wanna start off by saying that I HATE MYSELF so much right now for doing this. None of you could imagine, but I REALLY need to reach out to some of you, so here I am, slowly regretting it, but doing it anyway. I'm only 18 years old, I'm a university student studying Mechatronic Engineering. I've suffered from depression. Or at least I think that I have. I've been so lonely for as long as I can remember. And I still get this feeling of emptiness from time to time. But being the little boy that I am, I've always looked up to superheroes. Especially to how they went through the most horrible things, but instead of hurting others, or themselves, they chose to help people out. I figured that it does make things a bit easier. And it was true. Even the tiniest of gestures. Seeing somebody happy made ME happy. Now I don't know what I'm doing here. I think this may even be a huge mistake. But at least I'll go down trying, right? So I thought long and hard and came up with an idea. I want to do what I can to make sure that NOBODY feels this way, because it's dark, and lonely out there and because nobody should go through any of it. So I went online and built a website. I called it Alleviate. Which is a word that means to make problems less severe. It's just a community. It came to mind that people may not be able to afford therapists. So I thought that one approach could be to have all of us help each other out under one platform. You can follow a certain topic ranging from ADHD, postpartum depression, anxiety, and many more. There is a full disclaimer that the site doesn't offer a cure, or any of that, It's just a place for ranting and helping each other feel even just a LITTLE better. Here's a link to the website: [https://alleviate.mn.co](https://alleviate.mn.co/) I promise, all I want to do is help and all I ask from you is for any of you to just check it out, and if you want to join, you can sign up. I want a place for us and ONLY us. And while there is this subreddit and many more, it still doesn't feel like ours. And if I see that this idea helps people and actually benefits them, I'll turn it into a real thing from scratch. All I ask for you to do is check it out and if you feel like you could maybe benefit from it, please sign up. The number of members that I get there would be an indicator of whether this should be built or not. All I want to do is help. I'm not making any money from this whatsoever. Its ALL free and I'm not planning or going to allow any advertising or anything. It's just something that I wanted to do that was ""good"". I'm just an 18 year old kid in his first year of university. If you hate on me after this, I understand. I feel like a dipshit for posting something like this here, because I'm the type that hates the people that do this and here I am doing it. I deserve whatever comes my way. Thanks anyway though.",2.9045833333333317,4.551787392123288,4.2080821917808215,86.56288812785391,74.90753424657535,6.784474885844749,23.81050228310503,7.492282038375204,0.9599344748858448,2263,68,471,28,48,745,241,584,0.124,0.732,0.14300000000000002,0.7125,1,4,2,0,0,0,87.0,4,11,3,3,34,29,3,0,27,0,46,0,0,7,9,120,100,46,0,21,27,0,8,4,0,5,0,2,0,2,54,32,0,0,19,0,4,10,8,12,0,3,10,13,54,18,72,76,19,59,0,7,3,0,32,29,0,14,21,348,108,2,0.06715374571103233,0.0,0.06553236876968932,0.0,0.08070575239409956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587729600598545,0.0,0.0,0.22833424941782365,0.0,0.05137243166105477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055261810850220965,0.0,0.12555937430098965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12280890026073735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05939203089014744,0.07331449764879562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06857148260984497,0.15361199026287325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057847005731041574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085040480071436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567884555912925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058766695412830874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306324710023149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372970945474786,0.14392394806174302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571209417962972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017012093074675,0.0,0.11449506373877062,0.05632537581452876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429728220564428,0.060156565817178966,0.1989012630201835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700704412593882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718894736904646,0.15161680985146814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036905942420611605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123171235077005,0.13461139024891355,0.0,0.11885790349824832,0.05639223329422863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06354249790142172,0.17930258687798184,0.136166715907635,0.06746496364363684,0.07315011587446328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678061397871332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493657299066221,0.04979365154270824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409331192955982,0.0,0.09101023209278923,0.10214689935383324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622380732358929,0.0,0.14032274264368289,0.07371464689935311,0.0,0.0,0.06431472538131462,0.0,0.0,0.06425706533399943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643566444509199,0.043020409072421835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607210305023741,0.11469786383077768,0.0,0.053403353943403536,0.0,0.0,0.10702568181385208,0.0,0.0,0.0758646180997017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339646856705627,0.0,0.0,0.04753176685270098,0.0,0.10725813614172017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632916106007119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061826146660441235,0.0,0.07797067464500702,0.13384189411717445,0.086058817404445,0.06597821420289914,0.10662514589674636,0.07831577832044118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04559298525015106,0.07304399165008592,0.0,0.0699094175892268,0.24233306300324015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376541146835403,0.10660703519169136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450439011743132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04770409421802648,0.0,0.0,0.12973443154759945 ptsd,siorez,2019/03/16,"Think I have PTSD? Hi people, I'm a 22yo gal that... In theory never had anything too serious happen. However, I think I have PTSD from when I was hospitalizedfor a few days for depression when I was 16 and got mistreated by doctors (over- medicated without consulting), a roommate and the situation just generally was not suitable for me at all (I'm autistic, but we had no idea back then)... I was flinching for any mention of the words ' mental health', 'psychiatry' etc for a long time afterwards. Nightmares, flashbacks... It's kinda okay in day to day life now, no more visible reactions except feeling EXTREMELY uncomfortable. However, a friend plans on going for a longer inpatient stay in summer and has asked me to visit. And now it's all back, the flinching, the nightmares, the depression... And I'm scared. I can't really get therapy (moving +waiting lists...) and it's like I'm drowning.... My boyfriend gets a lot of it. But I also have a history of codependency and am scared of that... Any advice? ",3.745483483483482,6.333637605405407,5.384819819819821,74.7619744744745,75.64864864864866,9.084084084084084,30.277777777777786,9.586721724236666,3.456903903903904,787,37,135,23,18,266,116,185,0.12,0.8109999999999999,0.069,-0.8592,2,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,1,0,0,1,9,8,0,2,13,1,12,4,0,0,3,26,26,13,1,0,6,0,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,6,8,0,1,4,0,0,3,6,5,0,0,7,1,12,3,21,19,6,25,0,2,0,0,7,6,0,2,16,93,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144964831733393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863456466199045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176468318245816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220785075685344,0.0,0.13868619929455786,0.0,0.0,0.2281422997703884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870183107913269,0.0,0.2555453866936214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184138897994326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544824184547954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500966307762398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11461399497435044,0.0,0.15501235857700615,0.0,0.08431010065327631,0.0,0.1186481701892304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311844455790502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576879474858534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674678551444491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478321785518316,0.07247578093697754,0.0,0.0,0.13128411147363825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612093288693638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14944591334383825,0.14950080285737286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576714072824319,0.0,0.0,0.114415819924406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028464509306936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34682385940645194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503610637703336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29704626448347954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667503832921602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15812019285461515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964990007332426,0.0,0.0,0.190111974801594,0.0,0.0,0.08650343871593752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300304928776422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pinkpretties,2019/03/16,"Fears manifesting in my nightmares I’m beginning to lose it. I used to have nightmares about one particular event in my life. But now it’s any and everything I’m afraid of. I think my ptsd is morphing. And there is a lot more trauma under there than just the one event. My dreams are showing me how deeply my abandonment issues lie. And when you begin a new beautiful relationship, that’s not exactly a fun thing to discover. I’m on prazosin for the nightmares but it has almost made things worse. I don’t know how to address my fears of being randomly left or cheated on, but I can’t keep ignoring it. It keeps finding me. ",2.6881707317073165,5.023250764227644,4.140833333333333,83.63125000000002,77.9430894308943,8.002439024390245,26.51016260162601,8.841846274778883,2.2567674796747967,496,20,97,12,12,164,82,123,0.19899999999999998,0.767,0.034,-0.9645,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,1,8,9,1,3,5,0,8,1,0,4,1,24,19,10,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,8,3,0,4,3,2,0,0,3,8,0,2,1,0,13,1,14,17,2,13,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,4,7,67,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443583843420306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204404527916358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745098374270734,0.0,0.0,0.4369963786666617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747026395722765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20266577565572594,0.0,0.34517910633400595,0.0,0.0,0.10671219811487996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109691281056046,0.0,0.13714986929059544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217229502928846,0.0,0.16507862436671344,0.0,0.183730835199696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753313377054398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26315279547347176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22697741087792814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20846873504094188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579993317124279,0.12441797946428415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16770280672327498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787849622806566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hoeberry,2019/03/16,"I just don't want to live with these memories... Last year I was finally in a really, really good plae and had all of this treatment that was working amazingly, I'd worked really hard to rebuild my life and be moving forwards and have a plae (therapist's offie) to put all of the things that happened all of these years ago and feel like I was really happy and I would soon understanding the meaning of everything, with only maybe a few things left to disuss in therapy and then I ould lose that hapter. Everything just kept getting better and better. I don't even know how to transition to this but... That was up until Otober last year, and then from November to February I was involved in an ongoing, inespable trauma almost idential muh more signifiant to me now than the original thing that had happened to me. Now, I keep replaying everything that happened then, desperately trying to understand it and getting progressively more violent while this happens. It's like I'm simultaneously trying to avoid it and think about it. I feel like I got left behind in my initial trauma and then time just kept progressing without me when that happened, and now this has happened it's the same thing where I'm just stuk in the moments before it happened onstantly trying to understand why anything ould have happened after that that wasn't aording to my plan that I'd now onvined myself would keep going and just what the fuk happened and until I understand all of these things in my life now I don't give a SHIT about and I also everytime I remember... I just want to kill myself so that I don't have to live with the memories. I am so beyond fuking tempted to just drink soooooooooo muh vodka!! And this is something that I have NEVER done. &#x200B; I don't know what I want with this just like... Somebody to enourage me and tell me they're proud of me for everything that I did to ome this far and that if I used to think that my life was worth living then I'll feel like that again and everything will go bak to being amazing just like... I really need somebody to are about me :( <3 thanks...",6.937840182153318,7.0333189002493794,7.040986663775346,75.63545375691206,64.48628428927681,10.564935487368537,33.145505800715604,10.276239652853533,3.3196218367125674,1673,63,306,36,23,538,177,401,0.085,0.82,0.094,0.6892,0,1,3,0,0,1,45.0,0,0,0,9,27,21,3,1,12,0,29,5,1,3,5,69,68,34,1,7,12,0,4,6,0,3,3,0,0,0,39,23,1,5,13,2,1,5,8,7,0,0,14,4,37,14,50,49,8,45,0,1,0,0,3,13,1,2,35,226,76,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600958469028671,0.0,0.06788652666074935,0.0,0.0,0.05421533922456336,0.0,0.0734554507160289,0.08237789306583643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578920206529859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05768823480539345,0.0,0.0,0.1199176777387722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937744186049748,0.0,0.06641292539601447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477771216521695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046471994684515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028370021956135,0.14529748658100688,0.0,0.07426570079670176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083978963632198,0.06503478433895192,0.07705849842324973,0.05686291716421491,0.05422155687518436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5395550878857698,0.07216864175127707,0.060730670137198586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051796003033073,0.07500471086614538,0.0,0.07451630872879886,0.11052333989857492,0.0,0.0,0.14731812257525467,0.0,0.14365605126749825,0.19872618373533565,0.0,0.17959169476521078,0.0,0.0,0.07584484712714518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681088156746103,0.07384822416842897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205496017275065,0.0,0.05026885736724115,0.052287396236770166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05156086925779718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815232577293477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21715487221167948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679809733533086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695902110302686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521916164976951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592554927203883,0.06241618462896155,0.07752906505868769,0.07871478795234878,0.22519869088689384,0.08688011992024725,0.0,0.0,0.0395315925627395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808430601966162,0.0,0.0,0.28230639308752353,0.0,0.058552791251776835,0.0,0.0,0.11996108362848427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06117410665897958,0.0,0.0,0.06535160178125621,0.0,0.09871059269384352,0.0,0.0,0.09631871669514357,0.0,0.08237789306583643,0.1309725523843693 ptsd,Naynayshanay,2019/03/16,"Picking up old hobbies Hi I’m new to the sub, never posted before. I’m 20 and after 3 years of struggling and wondering what’s wrong with me I finally went to therapy and was diagnosed this month. When my therapist did the evaluation and was asking me questions it was so surreal because it felt like she was inside my head and knew exactly what was going on. Especially with the nightmares for some reason I’d assumed had nothing to do with my mental health. Anyway, the real reason I’m posting is because I had such a hard day today I got the bright idea to go to the store and pick up some perler beads again. After 4 ish years of never touching them I just NEEDED something to work on and something I could make. So I got home and made a kitten only to discover my boyfriend and I have no iron 😂😂😂 so even though I laid in bed in the dark for the last few hours, disregarding everyone in the house: after the discovery my sweet boyfriend just left to the store to go get me one. So here’s some pictures of what I used to make, and the kitten I made today. I didn’t really know where to put this but I wanted to tell someone about it and this seemed like a good place given my situation right now. I hope you guys like it 😂🤷🏼‍♀️ https://imgur.com/a/8hIVmx0/",2.0918287937743187,4.26848998054475,3.662779766536968,87.11208404669262,79.1556420233463,6.602272373540857,22.73136186770429,7.699297019823105,1.0932323424124508,1003,32,202,16,25,332,149,257,0.034,0.884,0.08199999999999999,0.9287,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,1,16,9,0,1,15,0,13,3,1,9,3,46,38,18,0,4,3,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,10,14,0,1,10,0,2,5,4,2,0,1,17,5,25,7,31,20,4,37,0,0,1,0,8,11,0,8,22,129,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632785589588974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386648839494199,0.0,0.09678100366409674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908089831744836,0.0,0.0,0.07335034474599292,0.0,0.0,0.11543969921332392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512159003912815,0.0,0.0,0.10867967226314043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10920444664298452,0.12459228619438227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942239317500954,0.0,0.1939164591378624,0.09539640470861828,0.1819302224210068,0.0,0.0,0.11261657358137678,0.0,0.0,0.10188516304752236,0.0,0.11672600276842884,0.12089610532323805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11408653417871055,0.11296556317474275,0.11200710137880453,0.13123613414817206,0.0,0.12839415932924378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250636002683338,0.09271006297710582,0.0,0.0,0.12357455388295735,0.0,0.0,0.16669707073827242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21523960589134572,0.15183939650432007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146191899655176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09078303204030952,0.0,0.0,0.08433384182166155,0.1754405106638422,0.10984698828715636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091328099001877,0.0,0.11934685468803335,0.0,0.0770704927201704,0.08650139310721881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882996743012547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2178553975885572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433614692142476,0.1274104085746212,0.0,0.0,0.1294565277928478,0.0728622276417101,0.23387920946875365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971299674346114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354103061428023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784408842018738,0.0,0.0,0.0963681882383175,0.17511913978779994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890161686997948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994103230482898,0.0,0.1300670882863855,0.132056323216231,0.0,0.0,0.11174509416106114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21561695802000094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823143183003928,0.0,0.0,0.06708447059360015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543446018675748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233418973354813,0.08280120084637138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12435251887896147,0.0,0.14648457771869816 ptsd,akgam3rgirl,2019/03/16,"Can anyone relate to this? Trigger warning (it's triggering to me so I don't know if it will be for others too) A couple years ago my boyfriend and I decided to move states because he needed knee surgery (nothing too serious) and we were having financial problems. He ended up moving before me and I followed a few months later. He had the surgery while we were long distance in different states. Being apart from him during such a hard time in our relationship and with him having surgery and recovering was really stressful for me. Now we are married and doing well, but I keep having flashbacks to his surgery and panic attacks because my body is reliving it. It sounds like the dumbest thing, but I can't even talk to him about his surgery because I have such bad anxiety surrounding it. He knows about this, and he knows to not talk about anything regarding surgery, hospitals, anesthesia, etc. I avoid all conversations, videos, etc about this topic because I can't stop thinking about that time two years ago and how helpless I was and I couldn't be there for him. I can't even handle him being sick or going to the dentist or even talking about these things because it brings up such bad memories for me. I have a history of depression, anxiety, and OCD and now I think PTSD might be added to the mix. I have talked to a therapist in the past, and I just started seeing a new one so I'm going to bring this up in therapy. Does anyone else out there have a similar experience? I feel like this is such a minor thing to be so traumatic, but I just don't want to be alone and I don't know what to do until I am able to work this out with a professional. ",4.715144927536234,5.944926783950617,5.418727858293078,81.30340579710145,69.74074074074073,8.721202361782073,30.44498121309716,9.085049710711278,2.551697155126141,1314,53,252,25,23,426,166,324,0.17800000000000002,0.7909999999999999,0.031,-0.9941,2,2,0,0,0,0,30.0,4,0,0,1,26,13,1,3,14,0,35,4,2,3,1,50,53,26,0,5,9,0,2,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,19,21,0,3,8,1,0,7,8,10,1,2,5,4,36,3,38,38,4,38,0,2,1,0,22,11,0,4,20,190,55,2,0.1027899535048974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18223418358238255,0.0,0.0,0.10645939200306928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726806616554295,0.0,0.0,0.14374625095217186,0.10532045452048522,0.08458737346288417,0.0,0.0,0.11693841135131508,0.0,0.0,0.17165063527472618,0.3132990079736517,0.0,0.08746667959485993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417646600766765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137351284570068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885328363341738,0.0,0.0,0.107393623686238,0.0,0.0,0.08995218100140871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586781643459336,0.0,0.09104138913074736,0.0,0.2292759389101233,0.2036753845645345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054829837346063,0.0,0.0,0.05197368898460777,0.07343316332230254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683579874448255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207960833592448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913644335882291,0.0,0.0,0.22596268102709055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004359583227808,0.0,0.0,0.09096587424063374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904389690703822,0.0,0.0,0.0820459602142499,0.21849890661106314,0.0,0.07621744807710981,0.0,0.09927517761977228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862973264832553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965313271982425,0.0,0.0,0.12060186310528427,0.0,0.0,0.09812464154609887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09835610341774068,0.12015595499061435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658498763024239,0.0,0.0,0.11035794199803134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191028468325988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275525814775359,0.0,0.0,0.08593700375953353,0.11774554444885893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33047468405200003,0.0,0.0,0.11754927006612602,0.11934705855416013,0.2048672330581792,0.13172730345905484,0.0,0.0,0.11987529700723006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004108486098764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060628177773051725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242051277805306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074832310374003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13238671991229664 ptsd,justlisten13,2019/03/16,Flashbacks I have been “dealing” with my attack for 6 years and recently it has been brought back up and I can’t get away from it. I want a fresh start. I’m thinking of cutting my hair off because it kind of reminds me of the guy. Any tips to just move on? I’m sorry. ,0.13195402298850567,2.0220516206896555,2.014482758620691,97.83712643678163,84.51724137931033,4.55632183908046,23.459770114942533,5.46131890053228,0.10126666666666664,206,8,49,1,6,68,46,58,0.10800000000000001,0.826,0.066,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,6,12,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,3,1,6,1,11,9,0,10,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960256614208779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32793565243657674,0.2708283449638603,0.22165298953795687,0.0,0.17571970304762705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2971818509810536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506031662190808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.285421230009165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001768641545112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063731611716129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846204880716229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226817851080785,0.2040308464358732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470440424308995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17002232888486118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562901986905225 ptsd,throwacct12345,2019/09/23,"I'm so tired of the nightmares. It has been 4 years since I escaped my abusers, and the nightmares still come. Every night, I see their faces, and I feel pain in my dreams - I can feel all the hits, the burns, the bites, all over again. At least four days out of the week, I wake up literally running out of my bed, and have already made it halfway out of the house before I realize where I am. I just wish it would stop. How do I make it stop? It's so draining to go to work after these, and no one understands why I can't just get over a ""bad dream."" It's exhausting, immediately distrusting anyone who even *looks* like them. Has anyone had any success in shaking nightmares? If so, what methods helped you? Thank you for reading, and for your help.",3.5373818181818213,4.686487986666666,4.0455151515151515,90.34609090909092,72.46666666666667,7.054545454545455,26.303030303030305,7.348242739294969,1.0532666666666666,578,19,127,6,11,182,102,150,0.172,0.725,0.10300000000000001,-0.8816,0,0,1,0,1,0,28.0,0,3,2,2,10,8,1,1,8,0,10,5,2,3,2,25,24,10,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,9,9,0,2,4,3,0,4,2,5,0,2,3,4,18,3,18,19,3,23,0,0,2,0,8,10,0,1,10,85,27,3,0.0,0.21109324998969367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966065821738777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115650662240444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491505135055856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487581193908412,0.0,0.0,0.15160303654068005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347108790750086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489997596422455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767455108466528,0.0,0.15010946293211894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016847345261452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930824738614236,0.0,0.10125376856857518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388369337815497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055754299653305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08704112428946914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496115016469155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685815222076092,0.118924751268615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671932952880762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072741841587985,0.0,0.1895773004889092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821056204880178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14197232522615966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737773599549556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422806818829639,0.2979034023355962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402795389658226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20477141119035605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547328831993504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291108960969506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607638083995884,0.0,0.2048779085249928,0.0,0.0,0.1297043118202486,0.0,0.0,0.12656142085075595,0.0,0.0,0.11473071133675533 ptsd,Pixiedust221B,2019/09/23,"Is this a good idea? So I'm pretty sure I have ptsd or cptsd. I don't like self diagnosing, but I think that's what I have Ok, some background info. I'm 19, around two months ago I got high, I'm not a frequent smoker, that was like the fourth time I've been high. For me, I think weed amplifies things. I've realized that I've spent a significant amount of time feeling numb. And being high amplified the things I was feeling, and basically I had a pretty intense flashback and all of these memories came back. I've only been high a few times since then, but every time, I feel like I'm reliving it all. I feel like I just need to know everything that happened. More and more comes back every time. And it's definitely not pleasant, it's really scary. But after, I feel better. Things feel clear again, and then for a day or so after, I feel like I have more of an ability to sort through what I'm feeling, and be able to recognize what I'm feeling. The more it happens, the longer I feel things again. Part of me is kind of afraid that I'll become dependent on weed to feel things. But I guess it beats not feeling them, and I've spent at least the last 12 years not feeling things. Or I guess just not knowing why I'm feeling things, getting confused, and brushing it off and forgetting about it. If that makes sense. I'm afraid that maybe this is the only way I'll be able to feel like I'm human. I'm scared that maybe this has only confirmed that I'll never be able to function in society, that I am broken. Idk. I just have a very strong desire to know what happened to me, completely. Is this healthy, or is it a bad idea? Should I be going about this differently?",3.396140350877193,4.489849233918129,4.339936842105264,88.31295789473688,72.74269005847955,7.577263157894738,25.375906432748536,7.9765259561132025,1.232237520467836,1306,40,284,18,25,423,151,342,0.122,0.718,0.161,0.8762,1,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,1,3,12,19,0,4,15,1,23,2,0,2,5,70,67,23,0,4,17,0,15,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,35,13,0,0,24,0,2,3,7,6,0,1,9,16,24,13,25,52,11,33,0,0,0,0,3,9,0,11,26,169,59,0,0.21319929712232527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299610439648276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632641917715701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929139965322494,0.05933750258551716,0.0,0.07848729115117664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628524842825292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128106632237526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061217438838327635,0.07451180224879529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045831969702036984,0.0,0.0,0.07213093292307066,0.0,0.07424929611185058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975306869056315,0.0,0.06386992702783616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5389998527358404,0.20307949395123065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037129277756644034,0.0,0.04038869124478255,0.05960715175135563,0.05683831801172237,0.0,0.15657537472102087,0.0,0.18853143434378086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003423504845357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045070382897902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400475332037991,0.117168758055126,0.05792862749527539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083168149230052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04743739544960862,0.0,0.1427915665950571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05672454830769993,0.0,0.0,0.05269485912590648,0.054810813753498916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1621476725897988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695802088788058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446002211361788,0.0,0.0,0.08307285642735572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045526976338856384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114989644584807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413778797918984,0.0,0.0,0.058786887240111226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697927147591648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304936590641384,0.0910730006571173,0.0,0.0,0.20719704109226456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942157807300336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05863724938752685,0.0,0.05640922614842229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641264015411819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045764452444416216 ptsd,critical_cunt,2019/09/23,It's like a cloud and it doesn't stop shadowing me. What do you do when it gets too difficult and your mind won't leave the place that's hurting you? I feel like I'm stuck and I just keep seeing people I know that have passed and all the bullshit from before is seeping through the cracks. They're all dead and I'm still stuck here trying to survive and not lose their memory.,3.0990295358649784,4.3550374050632925,3.436139240506332,93.8784282700422,73.68354430379749,6.785654008438819,22.02742616033755,7.1686216300943375,0.395833755274261,301,7,68,3,6,93,57,79,0.205,0.674,0.122,-0.8404,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,3,1,2,5,5,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,0,2,15,15,7,1,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,2,2,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,2,8,2,3,12,2,5,0,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,5,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242105421547278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14386177615601453,0.2032610251588989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864986933712482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045843652271588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25289429998673896,0.0,0.0,0.15636465908336536,0.0,0.0,0.3012654211540464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780040369758205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183049151677211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872839232972063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972502274396384,0.0,0.29726266796086703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267254695634241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272179057314983,0.23787131989099256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317028986777007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,garbagepilequeen,2019/09/23,"PTSD and Entrepreneurship? Is it even possible? Diagnosed at 15, I’m 22 and just got the greatest business opportunity yet. Pets have always been my outlet, so a pet-oriented career has always been my dream. I am a groomer and just found someone willing to invest and help build a mobile grooming trailer. I’ve been waiting for this for years, and now that it’s here... I’m scared I can’t do it. Symptoms that went dormant years ago are resurfacing. Panic attacks, disassociating, and general lethargy are taking over again and I feel like maybe I should cut my losses and run. I posted on a few entrepreneur subs looking for general start up anxiety advice leaving out my PTSD and they tore me to shreds. My own parents aren’t sure it’s the right call. This isn’t even about the financial aspect of it all. Grooming in my area is a booming business and the mobile sector is almost entirely untapped. I guess it’s my fear of living my dream and not being able to function well enough to make it happen. What if my PTSD means I can’t live the life I want for myself?",3.379790495656618,5.674707300970876,4.448129790495656,82.48269034236075,75.50485436893203,6.861113949923352,26.861522738886052,7.85451343220497,1.7761980582524264,848,33,155,13,19,276,130,206,0.102,0.7909999999999999,0.10800000000000001,-0.212,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,2,11,10,2,3,10,0,19,3,0,1,2,29,34,13,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,2,3,1,1,0,12,12,0,1,3,2,1,2,5,6,1,0,6,3,20,4,17,25,5,18,0,1,1,0,4,8,0,3,8,106,32,2,0.13586220619591205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327629754845611,0.1204336483362342,0.0,0.1360463742501816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260964784988315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393421586866136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15456287325276194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13873050283132066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789727941187754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038197725734453,0.0,0.17947141169083258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288275391210135,0.06869601365519201,0.09705998725291196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896589652620418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086614175436062,0.0,0.14966753736536093,0.0,0.12014250024721868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106557296072508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438584594075325,0.0,0.0,0.0959634941589533,0.06637541128221028,0.0,0.23993763436399046,0.0,0.11409003543356762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068907762309214,0.0,0.1364918472454721,0.14799377191790025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940502582327387,0.15085890177246036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316422381429626,0.1301184377531173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764469457170382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602558175282615,0.0,0.0,0.13602176975560995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11511560642027285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961639688244042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280485214764814,0.14121285294720193,0.1021514707991435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801350492827328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215643976515198,0.12594562628880868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498161274552915 ptsd,Sarunori,2019/09/23,"PTSD preventing me from working. Hi all, I was wondering if anyone else is struggling on finding/keeping a job because of their PTSD? I’m currently unemployed and have been since getting together with my husband. He lost his job in July due to the company he worked for going bankrupt and hasn’t found anything else yet. He’s always told me I didn’t have to work if I didn’t want to, but now I’m feeling an increased pressure from myself to find a job to help out. Except I mentally can’t bring myself to do it. I’ve looked at jobs and every time I think about applying for one, my mind starts playing different, awful scenarios that involve me getting hurt or killed. I panic and then give up on the job search. I wish I could do something more, but just being in a public setting triggers me. I can’t even go to any kind of store without feeling like something terrible is going to happen to me.",5.553830439223702,5.956238325842698,6.29956077630235,78.71944330949951,67.42696629213485,8.944637385086823,34.15934627170583,8.841846274778883,2.9331280898876404,714,32,132,11,11,235,119,178,0.188,0.725,0.087,-0.9691,9,0,2,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,4,5,10,1,3,6,1,15,0,0,1,1,27,36,10,1,5,8,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,6,1,1,5,6,7,0,1,7,3,20,3,26,27,3,20,0,2,1,0,12,7,0,4,8,86,22,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651683822350507,0.0,0.0,0.07888033740782611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811061540091461,0.11885022319634525,0.09545371088102364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070926002815453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09261228685005844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118971763923693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379728648340072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661337019894224,0.0,0.09773049268493443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730075727989947,0.08286659880651953,0.0,0.0,0.10601700569840916,0.0,0.0,0.12718214305061232,0.0,0.0,0.121204830836324,0.11127263469791336,0.1977672925168229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257368303229143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774876664632814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241746683914743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5755339430997342,0.10310137165289804,0.12833089057900465,0.12079057484057122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056669125280310914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740628926171016,0.0,0.12662185918809513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168953216799217,0.0,0.11712152684865207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786009745947841,0.0,0.0,0.13609472550434334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711830695000829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595197043735544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17859669208938306,0.0,0.0,0.08210160798239209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212627899085702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432468597121493,0.0,0.0,0.06763741131722109,0.0,0.0,0.1108378557996285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841664796379478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338811923843208,0.1118147001768994,0.12579124638710626,0.253336452944719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,appilappi,2019/09/23,"I get a kick out of dropping people, what is wrong with me? I always like to walk away from. I don’t know why. How do I stop? Does anybody else experience this too?",-1.1085714285714268,0.9719095714285756,1.3000000000000007,98.21000000000002,96.14285714285714,3.9428571428571435,15.571428571428573,5.6839178017228535,-0.8428857142857141,125,3,30,1,5,42,31,35,0.17,0.757,0.073,-0.5171,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,6,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942124031406817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3322062802169445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094260445278776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29537625987285404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458755741477965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847344215215408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943219659121777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727445680927855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451324499883261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956142569958739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319056938586651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865914752405585,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Nintendobandit,2019/09/23,"Those motherfuckers literally will kill me. [PTSD and shortened lifespan](https://www.healthline.com/health-news/ptsd-linked-to-faster-aging-earlier-death-050815#5) I don’t smoke or drink or touch drugs trying to offset the risk of substance abuse but maybe my self discipline is all for naught. FML. The insufferable cunts that broke my brain will be responsible for my untimely demise and there’s sweet fuck all I can do about it! I can’t even get vengeance. My near constant belief I’m not going to make it isn’t far off the mark. FUCK! People on one side of my family live long lives. I potentially could have lived to be 95.",3.904917825537293,7.122929991150446,3.1171491782553744,87.09028761061948,80.94690265486727,6.768394437420987,20.460809102402024,7.957251820313856,1.0736579013906442,511,14,94,10,14,149,86,113,0.22699999999999998,0.716,0.057999999999999996,-0.9694,0,0,3,0,1,1,29.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,4,1,3,0,12,5,1,1,2,12,18,5,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,4,2,1,1,1,1,0,1,4,6,0,1,0,2,10,1,11,13,2,8,1,1,0,2,1,5,3,2,2,51,14,0,0.0,0.21056112989802694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983867494971718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920448790033381,0.0,0.1418895617395223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740913193788314,0.20609093855438615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11737791917950932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16753222690267294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285860540902533,0.0928478332249934,0.0,0.1009985298784942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890086421702654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19661337000972756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4707721411867243,0.15727062537585226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862496788118035,0.0,0.1785368361869225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042309089731977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320398465586567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154745357367331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853936674739109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065562477549405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,misskateha,2019/09/22,"Ptsd with abandonment, feeling alone Several years ago I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I have gone through years of therapy, medication, and other help. I felt great and was going on with life until an unexpected relationship popped into my life. Things went fast, feel in love, but he pushed me away. That’s when it triggered me. I told my therapist and for the last few months I’ve been having the worst time with anxiety and depression. I lost my dog a month ago and again it triggered. I’ve been feeling out of control and scared. Everyone I talk to doesn’t understand and I feel like I’m not getting any validation or good support. My therapists has been helping me get through it, but it’s so gut wrenching and miserable getting through what seems like a process. I never knew I could have ptsd with abandonment. I thought i was doing so good and now it feels like a setback. I’m going to keep moving forward and working on getting through this. I’m just so scared and feel so weak.",4.212919504643963,6.587699678947374,4.729876160990717,81.05825077399382,73.26315789473685,8.470588235294116,31.70278637770898,9.168548406835145,3.0438111455108365,809,39,148,19,17,257,114,190,0.195,0.652,0.153,-0.9211,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,9,17,0,3,6,0,13,7,1,3,1,42,40,20,0,1,5,0,7,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,10,18,0,4,11,0,0,7,3,9,0,0,13,7,18,8,21,26,2,27,0,5,0,1,8,7,0,2,18,94,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20181391083059672,0.0,0.0,0.11789767332578548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741101031295769,0.0,0.08708268354955774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069507719197306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767448869562328,0.09088717072025576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980450406520331,0.11553909407989592,0.0,0.0,0.13046360383303082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877324667122792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453472853912185,0.16264603691146906,0.10929847288765697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378942260690704,0.0,0.12938894891243688,0.19095708415083476,0.0,0.1255023654344406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260103530139085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118087227541094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278988737375868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080861387772738,0.16684059877253518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426323681626406,0.0,0.1027396118289187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467575947003053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817223944837323,0.12098750626403044,0.0,0.0,0.0877957834486244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09939544104192376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661316632208987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221509394131022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22793534607403876,0.0,0.0,0.10363018059468354,0.0,0.12859999647617867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291774521435089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149544161796823,0.0,0.0,0.13017907749784166,0.2643400503622282,0.0756262385240575,0.0,0.0,0.09037146518402847,0.06637750949198759,0.0,0.0,0.10877324667122792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850518833181364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552524043110817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287249360238348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466107025713825 ptsd,mycatownsmeforever,2019/09/22,"My Intervention and Need for Insight **trigger warning for reference of rape** Hi, so last night I was given an intervention by my new boyfriend, who believes that I have PTSD from a rape that happened several years ago. I have been medically diagnosed with severe depression and an anxiety attack disorder. This diagnosis came two years after I had been raped at the age of 16 and a virgin too nonetheless. At the time I felt as if I had no case so I didn’t report it to my family or the police. Since the attack I’ve struggled heavily with intimacy and trust in men. Now I’m 20 years old, a full time university student and far away from my attack but recently I’ve started to deal with some symptoms that I wasn’t used to with my current disorders. I’ve started to have nightmares sometimes daily about my attack. It happened in a wooded area very similar to the woods I have to walk through to reach my bus stop for school and I cannot stop dreaming about the men in my life cornering me in those woods. Combined with the nightmares I’ve had several episodes of a lover touching my back during sex and I think I had what’s considered a flashback although I’m not very sure. All I know is that it terrifies me. My boyfriend believes that I’m struggling with PTSD symptoms due to my attack but I don’t understand why I would have them now 4 years later?? Is that even possible? I would really appreciate some insight from those who have been diagnosed and wether or not you believe my symptoms hold cause for my to get tested.",4.213153153153153,6.114205810810812,5.126081081081082,80.27815315315317,71.97297297297297,8.581981981981983,30.914414414414416,9.188382445141503,2.854396846846847,1224,55,227,27,24,399,156,296,0.161,0.797,0.042,-0.9829,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,1,0,9,14,8,2,15,0,22,13,0,3,2,42,38,17,0,4,7,0,2,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,15,15,0,3,7,1,0,2,7,11,0,1,13,2,33,3,38,23,4,37,0,1,0,6,9,11,0,5,24,152,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775720281893576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669446457413089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4977743233152585,0.08221820052032901,0.06728952223296254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957802392916977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008773127203674,0.0,0.0898965202422099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902186106783737,0.07537193671124434,0.17764091337512933,0.0,0.0,0.20058728979720505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577993011056049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249631357692805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08402299113079426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045720182357017095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547689959519923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04809301723145766,0.07133204772079826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061810656547285875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815676986421637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488729956732481,0.0,0.0845173690845228,0.0,0.08212188215819881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182666110405156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865398625268597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045882050101208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606092512811258,0.0,0.08640522602458492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08856444170693348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29658300096592777,0.0,0.07238889004078009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08654928536486962,0.0,0.12387956693997865,0.0,0.0,0.1463239782371528,0.0,0.1829681813665449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247681320628643,0.27286811188192417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056072652761189855,0.0,0.0,0.1020551658953566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548421625146355,0.09110063594750864,0.0,0.0755802440206847,0.0,0.1444092585093114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896385142685683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432869477178395,0.0,0.0,0.2254133920882243 ptsd,whyyyeee,2019/09/22,"PTSD from husband almost dying? I’m going through some really horrible emotions. My head feels full, I can’t concentrate, every little thing feels so hard to do. I can’t even think of what to cook for dinner without getting so stressed and tired. I can’t even talk properly. I feel like I’m constantly at the top stress level. Anything pushes me over the edge and then I’m out of control for 2 days at least. I can’t get over this anger and suffocating feeling. I can’t destroy the house (not hurt myself or anyone) but I will throw and got out of control. I can’t stop. My little kids are seeing this I can’t control it now and I’m feeling so guilty. I’m ruining them. It all happened last Christmas when my husband was told be will most likely die. He told me and never ever let me go to an appointment with him. I was kept in the dark. I had just had a baby too. So I spent 9montgs looking after a newborn alone and clueless what was happening with my husband. We have come out of that bad spot now and he is ok (touch wood) but I feel like my stress hasn’t come down. I just had a meltdown today and it’s enough. Now I can’t have sex with my husband and the upcoming Xmas is just no. I hate Xmas now. I hate it so much. And my husband is wanting another kid and I’m just scared now. It has gotten worse since I started working again definitely. The added stress from work is pushing me over the edge as soon as I’m home. I just can’t be happy. Does this sound like ptsd? I want to talk to my dr tomorrow. My plan is to get some time off work so I can try to come down from maximum stress and talk to someone.",0.7945627876397126,2.932067236686393,2.5598323471400377,93.43249671268902,83.73372781065089,5.412360289283368,21.814924391847462,6.691623216298621,0.4281062458908616,1258,42,277,14,36,415,173,338,0.207,0.723,0.07,-0.9944,0,1,0,0,0,2,35.0,1,0,1,8,25,19,4,6,11,1,32,6,1,3,3,54,69,26,2,2,10,5,8,4,0,2,2,1,1,3,12,23,2,5,7,1,1,8,14,13,0,0,12,11,38,6,37,52,8,45,0,2,2,1,18,17,0,5,24,181,50,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456640095266947,0.08746672195373129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855520384612865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0590507475543464,0.0,0.06949673613823769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051382741469611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21824355907771956,0.0,0.0912625257214476,0.2841600352654921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446450323701047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17529552385222058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390444616248694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09499704547194547,0.0,0.08726141097624494,0.0,0.11155939615618457,0.0763915985252706,0.07115438677130685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562085759344933,0.12066494007986815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236793105630298,0.0,0.09599194707716474,0.0,0.06754391695275751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936111165562976,0.08990064147849118,0.0756523341754064,0.16675757792472748,0.0866720364797152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471216367957336,0.0,0.0,0.09744617939939992,0.0904075293103252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883958817924808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863578121649388,0.0,0.16503577327441324,0.1692860245692199,0.0,0.0,0.07091834482436761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620818799241051,0.0,0.06513452863816023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19743955528031046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05410206382792093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455110680341595,0.0,0.06729724790589743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06985950268335303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155583955912365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977550515127907,0.0,0.0,0.07060558840271387,0.4836969573009648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363776806481848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056106104478514565,0.05411338167813206,0.0,0.0,0.04924459493508124,0.0970650611023356,0.08005054746982787,0.16139486139487874,0.0,0.057337311552678565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962386348560058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814086392540133,0.0,0.1844460153722145,0.0,0.08606372357427629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,amatamaria,2019/09/22,"Possible child grooming “caught in time”—anyone have a similar experience? I struggle with feeling like my trauma is valid, that I’m just making a big deal about nothing and should be able to move on but can’t. I think I was being groomed as a young teenager, but the man was caught by my parents and he was removed from my life before anything advanced to more of a criminal level. Does anyone else know what I mean by this—I feel like I was so manipulated, but because “nothing happened”, I don’t feel like I have grounds for being traumatized or for having people see what happened as abuse. I’m not sure I can even call it abuse. Since it didn’t escalate, I feel like I can never know for sure what his intent was. I saw a counselor for a couple of months about a year ago, and she told me she was billing my insurance for our sessions as PTSD treatment. I struggle to know what to make of it all. I’m in a lot of pain, and I can’t escape my mind thinking about it pretty much every single day.",6.032214221422143,5.4088153267326735,6.5262736273627375,80.98006750675071,66.52475247524752,8.929612961296131,32.72007200720072,8.00094639256281,2.249855445544555,784,29,159,8,11,256,119,202,0.18600000000000005,0.713,0.10099999999999999,-0.9692,1,0,0,0,2,0,16.0,1,0,0,1,6,10,0,2,9,0,20,2,0,4,4,32,42,12,0,1,6,1,4,4,0,1,2,0,0,2,9,5,0,0,10,0,1,5,6,4,0,0,11,6,23,6,26,27,5,17,0,0,2,0,11,6,0,2,10,105,32,1,0.11762224052599192,0.27872624258438955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426501930640296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448841085817195,0.1205178853721836,0.09679308188848663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170142609447873,0.0,0.10008786340025257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010545853191353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014677193124,0.0,0.07585661449408873,0.12126336520704788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293201532658694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825828900321716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768838054564729,0.0,0.09910181064878427,0.0,0.0,0.11505712117282853,0.0,0.0,0.23789335585133295,0.3361174085352143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20802591768744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939263219172494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308006698641887,0.2298571415685633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999822268407274,0.0,0.0,0.15702751780553165,0.0,0.0,0.12812510207419125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876493259959675,0.0,0.09388495020621518,0.12501382708986356,0.08646588057505687,0.0,0.09071752307476484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22572342414811766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515835690422422,0.0,0.13060557845041995,0.0,0.0,0.08154445155947085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326014031266635,0.0,0.1196641045737075,0.0,0.0,0.137494104789754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093729697096398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09729833283779607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459286086483621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22171513938741733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507351647022884,0.0,0.0,0.06858647434370782,0.0,0.0,0.11239309141296597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574486650210117 ptsd,confusedkidinasuit22,2019/09/22,"so tired i'm so tired of symptoms associated with trauma. there's so much and it's gone on for years soi feel like i'm never going to process it properly and live a normal life. any words of hope appreciated i'm having a bad day :(",1.0604081632653075,3.1395293265306137,3.885061224489796,84.66351020408162,82.26530612244899,6.3689795918367365,20.00408163265305,7.554174236665415,0.6023355102040817,183,5,40,3,5,65,37,49,0.263,0.59,0.147,-0.7837,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,8,8,5,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,7,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,4,19,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18147077736379635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228130565795001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720996134552921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493007451837669,0.1906415032831864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516600354813747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650475580374784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848781361468048,0.13037203636662026,0.0,0.2356381481391051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616937459288208,0.0,0.20581528399221144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614615676809432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27736486816769523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6134218987744204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718460853173212 ptsd,coffeemuffins,2019/09/22,"Therapist isnt helping anymore Things aren't going well in therapy. I've done EMDR on several traumas. I'm struggling with flashbacks of one. Therapist says the EMDR should have worked. I'm struggling with body image. I know I'm a healthy weight but I have so many feelings of wanting to be thinner. She told me to get some excersise dvds and do sit ups. I dont think thats helpful. My depression has been extra bad lately. She tells me I should be happy because I have a good husband and a job with good benefits. I know I have those things. It doesnt stop me from being depressed. I don't know if I need to be forward with her that lately she isnt helping . I dont even know how to do that.",1.3532400932400923,3.587093181818183,3.0636643356643383,90.0775477855478,82.2167832167832,5.771375291375293,25.617249417249425,7.0316486544052195,1.1911411655011652,547,23,112,7,15,181,86,143,0.188,0.677,0.135,-0.7183,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,4,11,0,2,4,0,22,2,1,1,0,21,36,6,0,5,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,7,6,1,1,6,0,0,2,7,6,1,1,3,3,18,5,14,27,2,9,0,2,0,0,11,4,0,2,4,76,25,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285918327554574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185677955299436,0.08166498891889752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880704365491032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307710179151577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370946679942293,0.3140164570260393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884838849373447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773769828468743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699921846390703,0.0,0.07613648596839108,0.22473018724116756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426102738175371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26938560087188845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294149328383487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29449885528704955,0.0,0.30224103420927145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13582142648591264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993347711647922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077944977421257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106535869112761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134448358290345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200234091286644,0.0,0.28010261711733103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709298993282102,0.0,0.15320284445621354,0.31109183132645524,0.17800333325609535,0.08584059080554657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801112983033525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901715836945153,0.0,0.0,0.16313561351235345,0.12045234679666257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752951081770424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BettyD2015,2019/09/22,"PTSD from Domestic Abuse I managed to escape an abusive relationship last year after spending almost 11 years being beaten on a regular basis (even when pregnant), verbally abused, financially abused and emotionally abused. It’s left me a complete wreck. I am free from him physically but mentally I have been left broken and I don’t know how to get better. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD and I suffer terribly from anxiety and paranoia. It’s ruining every aspect of my life and I’m frustrated that he still has such control over me mentally. I don’t believe people when they compliment me, because I’ve never been told I’m beautiful or a good person. Instead I accuse them of being nice to make me feel better or I’ll make a sarcastic and derogatory joke to downplay the compliment. It’s frustrating for them as much as me but how do I start to believe? Trusting people is so hard and I have found myself lashing out at those I love because I’ve got so many years of pent up hurt and frustration inside me that I’ve never been able to express. I’ve been turned down by counsellors 3 times because they say that they can’t offer me enough sessions to get me through everything so instead they won’t even try. The only counselling service that I can access on a long term basis has a huge waiting list so in the meantime I’m struggling through day by day. I drink to try and block the pain but then I turn into a crazy person because all of my frustration comes to the surface. I’ve managed to stop drinking on a daily basis already but on the odd occasion I do drink I turn into a person I don’t even recognise. Yes, I know the answer is to not drink altogether but that won’t have fixed the underlying problem. I need to stop drinking but also address the deeper issues. All I have ever wanted was to have someone to love me and I blew that chance recently because I’m too damaged by my past. How do I get through this and fix my brain so that I’m not an insecure mess? There must be something I can do because I can’t continue to go into self destruct mode all the time. Has anyone managed to get back to normal? How long did it take? How did you do it? I don’t want to go through the rest of my life like this. I lost the best years of my life with that bully and I’ll be damned if he’s going to take the rest of my life too!",4.061211514392993,5.252975221276597,5.316921151439299,81.56411764705884,71.25531914893618,8.082603254067584,29.568210262828536,8.4952907291091,2.222719649561953,1854,74,358,30,34,618,221,470,0.205,0.655,0.139,-0.9857,0,0,6,0,4,0,29.0,0,1,6,6,25,31,7,2,24,1,39,14,1,8,7,60,73,37,0,7,11,0,2,1,0,3,6,1,1,4,16,19,5,5,5,6,2,4,12,18,0,0,12,3,50,14,56,54,9,49,0,5,0,2,21,18,1,4,28,244,66,6,0.07022558003680182,0.4160291448589121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032077434283772,0.0,0.07749567384028175,0.056159370983627166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372237651228815,0.0,0.0,0.04910335838779704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05399913628194096,0.0,0.2568531706809969,0.0,0.0,0.15824036116372256,0.07369741367463731,0.12421763744264384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839497231480329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049311900389219,0.0736301845710145,0.0,0.07876395941354733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057937901290497,0.0,0.0,0.07127748550050711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3439716663926093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899432543673954,0.0,0.0725617966588472,0.0,0.1391499999032652,0.06352305763361964,0.05916807998543683,0.0,0.06311422316553668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03550816330919461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699872379644647,0.0,0.0,0.14675986846120684,0.0,0.1197324464521245,0.058901884704791775,0.05616581158425543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290832600331649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517793586938952,0.0,0.0,0.07329726037993359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718828446129332,0.05724322061330404,0.0,0.0,0.1526005963745184,0.0,0.19840961598851206,0.03430867117491832,0.0,0.0,0.12429485692488253,0.0,0.0,0.07665951625250375,0.0,0.12676265554582888,0.0,0.09375223997026212,0.07119771581668545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415417348887913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051623881585850254,0.052071377772194914,0.10832459318813148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880615813362308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340971810382046,0.07472496843069368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703826233513904,0.09737114994474699,0.18395480328372185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719639592347337,0.16417989008409695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693392882092403,0.07539599176985949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05584619989365728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326059560829838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059501906074561364,0.054063082423752205,0.0,0.0,0.04970602699912514,0.0,0.05608223893146977,0.11742345880817087,0.0,0.0734150238625937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560179301281096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189820091722813,0.0,0.0,0.06710355117628179,0.0,0.09535711823369528,0.22915579589127305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828417331754905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808918844304702 ptsd,GrungeGuinea,2019/09/22,"Memories Does anyone else sometimes forget they have PTSD? It's not as extreme as it sounds. Like I'll forget I have PTSD but then I'll try to think about my past & then remember that my memory really sucks. & I just feel kind of empty... Not in a boohoo way, in more of an accepting way. Like okay let's move on from this now.",1.1098757763975158,3.1831177101449306,2.790517598343687,92.6126086956522,82.04347826086956,6.8414078674948255,17.10351966873706,7.957251820313856,0.36644761904761936,258,5,58,5,7,85,51,69,0.091,0.7559999999999999,0.153,0.6763,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,10,6,5,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,5,5,10,5,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,6,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368300574287053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095147703585414,0.20654554158340088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640658717372265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839667784207574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192639016122992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20991760913565785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20613221140054894,0.0,0.19696648196853095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21425076072276644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19243372356386887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4712793333640629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12913919167941545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22835417210289716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937067979003967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916620687854838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368615824071838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200143059731951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Drajel,2019/09/22,"New issue for old trauma Though my traumatic experiences are more than a decade behind, I have only been confronting it for the last 4ish years. I have been dealing g with a lot of anxiety lately because I am no longer avoiding public places/events. Last Saturday night was a particularly rough event for me as I took my wife to an annual ball and was overwhelmed with a lot that was going on. I got through it, but today I found what might be a new issue linked to this whole process. I went to the doctor today for a rash and it turned out to be shingles. I'm in my early thirties so I was not expecting that at all. The doc said that large amounts of stress can activate the dormant virus and cause an outbreak. I always knew my trauma took it's toll on my body, but now it seems to be really aging me. I'm ok with everything, just thought it was intriguing and wondered if others have had this or similar issues TL:DR - PTSD might have triggered a shingles outbreak",5.46697207678883,5.982851539267018,5.938965968586388,80.83246291448519,67.63874345549738,8.879755671902268,30.052792321116925,8.841846274778883,2.2844865619546244,768,27,149,12,12,248,122,191,0.11599999999999999,0.863,0.021,-0.9354,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,1,3,13,1,20,3,2,2,1,29,34,11,0,2,6,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,13,8,0,1,6,1,0,4,2,6,0,0,16,2,16,1,23,13,6,25,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,8,16,104,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999347699496584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011257305557592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08058238862142689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14683436782577966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579654030948832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628308602649686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530305964533856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880472049880793,0.12930813453828108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449405759999414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075127174837037,0.0,0.10572519492721597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139190865073358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215506568387226,0.1491171724775536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247680717301783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804674593191418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553417259492393,0.0,0.12405227088590533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387121865507652,0.0,0.0,0.10053718976468932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452417042199276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468492060021256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574388430582634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203416947331299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142431000000806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298769572764964,0.10494486464611998,0.0,0.0,0.25060316656487264,0.0,0.29373806416691584,0.0,0.1437858162342641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225423539525516,0.0,0.14758649767251794,0.0,0.0,0.14335546854122574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512665090521015 ptsd,CSE2K19,2019/09/22,"Those with successful treatments, how was it? So I am not a vet, but I just started working at a major defense contractor. With my situation, I now feel like I have the resources able to try and get over some of these past demons that have been haunting me for a while. I graduated high school in 2009, but for some reason some of my worst memories from high school just started to really haunt me since a few years ago. I don't want to get into so many details, but I've had some mental issues about it. Recently I got introduced to some CBD oil, and many, ITS BEEN AMAZING. I SWEAR, any time this stuff takes its full effect, anytime I think about that stuff that has haunted me for these past few years, it has literally had no effect at all. Without all of that anger, angst, regret, depression and w/e, I just feel different in a really good way. Imagine if I could go thru some treatment where this feeling becomes permanent. I'm sure those with PTSD have heard of memory deletion. Apparently its a legit treatment, and there is active research being done on the subject. I would like to see if I could go thru something like this. I just need to find out how to go about doing this thru my job, cuz I got pretty good health insurance and etc so I'm sure they could point me in the right direction. But for those who have gotten over it, how was your treatment and how long did it take? are you over it 100%?",5.518700804062632,5.824703726618707,5.728654253068137,83.11734024545072,67.48920863309353,8.98721963605586,29.30258146424037,8.841846274778883,2.075470757511637,1108,36,225,17,17,352,156,278,0.11800000000000001,0.737,0.145,0.8039,3,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,1,4,17,14,2,0,9,0,24,1,0,8,4,55,46,21,0,9,12,0,3,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,25,11,0,1,9,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,12,6,25,9,37,29,14,33,1,2,1,0,5,17,0,8,15,163,50,7,0.11172433071305687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903687811675092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597637607542586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339074553770372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26760836094853513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622800233189037,0.0,0.0,0.11672814628350978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433278017856267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460216173811572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16947353564715506,0.07981588418498466,0.0,0.0,0.10211401421482437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674270309175025,0.0,0.1904865354973256,0.18741813575428887,0.17871230696615467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875773908274168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360857789795029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166111743720342,0.11086915888567124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374859371741807,0.0,0.0,0.0988725169214002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22654187103186696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259184751573408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284217556987752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133070310742808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056156050189088,0.0,0.0,0.11366380995710056,0.0,0.0,0.13059976383659885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431469342395484,0.1148712196340264,0.11031429805545732,0.0,0.0,0.09541196797757877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22614197471791794,0.08902982658044639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241952089321788,0.12558282878743218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601084813985428,0.0,0.0,0.158158112641352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255795257709035,0.0,0.0,0.21059771898782592,0.0,0.1680055848634096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158843989017588,0.0,0.0,0.06514735570205109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758534867764876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589790493215571,0.08868157338048747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769826791534792,0.0,0.08133664338946209,0.0,0.0,0.0793657590109084,0.0,0.0,0.1438936119062799 ptsd,spookybtch,2019/09/22,"Anyone else with PTSD from a near death experience due to medical issues? It’s almost 10 years ago that I came very, very close to dying from a severe and sudden asthma attack. I completely stopped breathing, went into cardiac arrest, and woke up a week later in the ICU on a ventilator. I was only 14 at the time. I still have trouble dealing with this event and I was wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar.",6.614814814814812,7.271449000000002,7.1897283950617314,72.36977777777777,65.17283950617283,9.442962962962962,32.24938271604938,9.3871,3.0474671604938264,343,13,57,6,5,113,64,81,0.20600000000000002,0.794,0.0,-0.9422,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,6,0,4,3,1,0,0,12,9,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,6,0,5,0,13,3,0,20,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,3,10,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593509473091637,0.0,0.18000881742134334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513919267074742,0.368381252495012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20450879477545156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560342644763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884803256933064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853299625146044,0.0,0.0,0.18656783067753954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003414095695411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17584479795353125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18762809830406785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18109446301039345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13671948701536527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21013582497200226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308343640033505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839198478967613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356067040981488,0.1502917036616472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10482249686395373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966501286713779,0.0,0.0,0.14419674942407978,0.0,0.0,0.1666440827445178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19494762252333667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576285422674586 ptsd,Throwawayuglyg,2019/09/22,"My past abuser (half -brother) is getting out of jail by the end of next month. How can I keep my distance and stay strong/cope when my enabling mother will try to bring us together? My half brother physically and emotionally abused me growing up, which caused me to dread going home and gave me a lot of hellish anguish. which contributed to me developing CPTSD. He has been and out of jail since he is a drug dealer and stuck with it, since his jail record screwed him over and he believed it was the only job he could do, since he is not really too bright in the head. (I believe he has some mental disorders himself) His latest jail sentence is the longest he stayed in (6 years due to being caught with a gun on him which he bought to protect himself against the thugs) and he is coming out by the end of next month and I am very very nervous about this. Most likely because my mother (my father bailed out on me when I was a kid, sadly) is the main source of why I may have to encounter him, she doesn't respect my boundaries and wants me to forgive him and tells me how much he has suffered in jail and wants peace between all of us, I find that very selfish of her since that basically means she doesn't take my trauma and feelings of him seriously. I just think what if that wasn't her son? im very sure she wouldn't want me to be involved with someone like that if he wasn't family, even when i tell her that, she tries to rebuff it. She tells me how sorry he acted towards me and wants to see and talk to me again and how much he misses me. Even if he has ""changed"", the relationship between us can never be the same again, it will just be very awkward and uncomfortable to be around him, not to mention triggering. i have forgiven him in the past, and he ended up acting up again. i cant trust him. I do feel bad for him in a way though, he has lost his teeth, his health has declined, and im not sure if its true but my mom said he tried to commit suicide by hanging, I think I care for him from a distance and wish him well, but I am not ready to face him yet. I also think in the end he made his own bad choices in the end and he many many chances to recover and change his life around, but never did. I hope I don't sound too heartless. I feel guilty sometimes of this but then I think if this was a friend or boyfriend, I would have ran away quickly, so why because he is ""family"" I have to feel guilty and be forced to reconcile with him? The pro to all of this is that my other brother bought him an apartment and will help him pay his rent, so he wont be living with us. However, I know my mom will try to bring him around and try to reunite us, which I not what I want. at least not yet. I wish I could afford to move out but I can't. I have one option, an online friend I have known for years offered me a chance to move in with her and her father, I am considering this after I finish college, though I am scared to make that drastic move too. For now I am in college getting my associates degree, my goal is to try and stay out the house and come back home late, everyday (I will try to stay in college longer until the night falls or try to find a job) in case she tries to bring him around, but then I get worried about holidays and birthdays",6.2200261437908475,4.8345352888888895,6.3301285403050125,85.03893137254903,66.48148148148148,9.24488017429194,30.964052287581698,7.724431198458867,1.7597006535947708,2540,75,569,22,34,811,278,675,0.11199999999999999,0.804,0.083,-0.9377,5,0,1,1,2,2,67.0,5,0,0,3,34,31,3,5,26,0,60,7,3,8,8,117,102,56,1,17,21,10,4,2,2,9,3,2,3,1,24,46,0,2,15,1,4,16,17,17,1,3,16,8,103,14,90,68,11,88,1,4,2,1,88,31,1,13,38,396,127,7,0.0,0.13252738002594794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044724356408307485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19914556611186188,0.0,0.0,0.05254473435698287,0.04300398267491978,0.09339248801853152,0.06818448134856461,0.0,0.0,0.12601989991890986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057020736127793924,0.057451862797412025,0.11832552261317235,0.09635135747403603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930542821210932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409654912828723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06485691862246545,0.0,0.0,0.0629097210881614,0.2476711440646707,0.0,0.0,0.07387777653592273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054449466151536,0.0,0.11311236030102967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10223151175384336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086417262544314,0.0,0.08765777485393686,0.0,0.03178428648666432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057396665485686824,0.059447193865847625,0.0,0.0,0.03748631598718219,0.0,0.11219756495333237,0.05554757712217858,0.0,0.06453160660595061,0.0,0.0,0.12082031132837898,0.0,0.11099673053606944,0.04970999236648306,0.0,0.0,0.030735710570896232,0.0,0.06308746389557203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03950250076203983,0.054645670371551165,0.0,0.04938407395111125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061050319241734124,0.0475466620462156,0.0,0.05291895278520607,0.03733133510104319,0.11340127077175352,0.0,0.0609202920256376,0.0,0.0,0.05636070068931185,0.0,0.0,0.13100074865495653,0.08927990675961653,0.17832287499323246,0.08222474143803908,0.0,0.08626784147819888,0.0,0.11895681359497948,0.05248317836670576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0378972052889756,0.04253458018322375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677623645551476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035827911581877,0.0,0.0,0.06004407009216869,0.0,0.0,0.05319885449428655,0.0,0.05599212607374274,0.0,0.04456613439637069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505172691777186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047386293821349366,0.0,0.055312682344091535,0.06260507437876764,0.0,0.2384405887349584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611744516138882,0.0,0.10542002167666696,0.0,0.042049725142382914,0.044951556575011986,0.14664652920086166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334162632516215,0.10989489294777352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417334543220439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363631255430996,0.0,0.0,0.2307258635873594,0.16493432596951293,0.044391807437536165,0.0,0.0,0.050284588917928384,0.0,0.10092983234296288,0.0,0.12862529921415666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05679601778716423,0.0,0.03972854062962927,0.0,0.0,0.0720295915796259 ptsd,fumosi,2019/09/22,"Just had an absolute meltdown in town Realised that a teenage experience had longlasting emotional experience and upset a whole bunch of people including my brother and my boyfriend I'm so scared.",10.227272727272727,11.627105212121213,9.438939393939396,56.77840909090909,57.48484848484848,13.872727272727275,49.83333333333334,13.023866798666859,7.545315151515153,164,11,22,6,2,52,28,33,0.18100000000000002,0.773,0.046,-0.6948,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40219366966113534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6995016160263738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478789450943811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35796818469706065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991898653330125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,patrolgreen,2019/09/22,"PTSD and anger management skills, any tips are highly appreciated! I grew up in an abusive household that looked pretty “normal” to people on the outside which lead to people constantly assuming that I was “just a problem child” and painted my single mother as “just trying her best under the circumstances” - the reality was that she committed a crime to be that single mother and to get my father out of the picture, and knew about me getting molested from the age of four and later raped and just did nothing. Having Asperger’s and my rather unconventional upbringing turned her into my only social contact for a long time. I still feel very isolated to this day even tho I’m married for a decade and tend to verbally and physically be abusive, I always feel cornered and feel like I need to protect myself but can’t keep putting my partner and myself through it anymore. I tried putting myself in timeout, exercises, counting to ten before I speak nothing seems to calm me down, the only thing that used to give me some kind of relief when I’m feeling like this was self harm/cutting - which I haven’t done in ages. At this point even that sounds better than keep on hurting my husband the way I do. I feel extremely lost, open to any suggestions.",13.39202586206897,8.548474495689657,11.995862068965518,60.71034482758621,56.19827586206897,14.531034482758622,47.103448275862064,11.45678717892309,5.371774137931035,1001,42,168,17,8,320,147,232,0.121,0.778,0.10099999999999999,-0.5809,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,5,10,13,3,0,12,0,12,2,0,2,1,36,32,15,0,4,5,4,5,2,1,0,1,2,0,3,13,14,0,3,8,1,0,4,2,6,0,2,7,8,25,7,32,23,4,29,0,2,1,1,15,15,0,3,11,121,38,2,0.0,0.2965519451548814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413039228075327,0.0,0.0,0.17020533678267072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410988730244968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064888985785198,0.0,0.13133161250943948,0.11068029265910073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523693203264725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070796051532562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280664488147755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531375125016426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163845318394067,0.17880675744293595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076585198617813,0.120050172741619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222221694580946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396995973898054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22246866914638408,0.0,0.1303189181647189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227873092943575,0.0,0.0,0.1107490966958633,0.1050900060354884,0.0,0.13661019270069313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279318862669976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261520788453467,0.2401593760152587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035632466606675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351911683900728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830216542509747,0.0,0.0,0.12731712180207028,0.0,0.11974654999988933,0.14628742469552547,0.2516099212120725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392700933406265,0.13055318599261734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275692333203148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994069675940816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831405593697514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297286466229955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993003522719766,0.13612146699906105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808481608310117,0.0,0.1032574606560164,0.0,0.09933401567257097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,agoodthinglost,2019/09/22,"Medical Trauma Having a hard time finding other folks who have PTSD from a medical-related trauma. Seems that most of the articles I’ve found on trauma from hospital stays, surgeries, ICU, etc. (and there hasn’t been much) are fairly recent so maybe there’s never even been a place to connect? A few months ago I went to the hospital for the first time ever after having a sharp pain in my abdomen and ended up having two life saving surgeries, in septic shock. In the hospital for almost two weeks, which was hard. Definitely experiencing PTSD symptoms now and am seeing a therapist for it but finding others to talk to about it has been tough. Part of me feels like I should be over it but I’m very much haunted by what I went through. The anxiety and depression has been rough. Suggestions for groups, websites, books, etc. very much welcome. Thanks.",4.453933092224233,6.84601187974684,4.8683905967450265,80.25974683544305,72.60759493670886,7.805424954792044,26.475587703435806,8.634040054169528,2.152730922242315,679,24,117,13,14,215,105,158,0.151,0.767,0.08199999999999999,-0.772,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,7,11,0,0,11,0,16,5,1,0,2,17,24,7,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,5,1,0,2,2,7,0,3,8,7,5,4,22,14,8,22,0,1,1,0,5,7,0,3,13,87,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178570440303863,0.0,0.13313574521476984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10171060683720144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451439224907778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775912506030325,0.0,0.2965610940389,0.08781586525880478,0.1202658772660984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722630442505736,0.09498344814165637,0.0,0.0,0.2430378682827341,0.11309189511498713,0.0,0.14577886220717132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23820405679358855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391041384734593,0.06495534992166181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357168758756685,0.0,0.0,0.13393869607355469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612382545796953,0.0,0.29321280987193354,0.0,0.10254349140751146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147404449313813,0.0,0.0,0.14397786884073951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891021746367138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108357696554793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127753348380408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594833349794976,0.1210377095112794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171289117233898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819169025744424,0.0,0.10686460855912087,0.0,0.12240757721434635,0.0,0.15437160315815254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505486270252733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597564424655335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940445204012785,0.0,0.0,0.10664889624371283,0.0,0.0,0.2465021931663727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Musictheory_nerd,2019/09/22,"Could this cause PTSD (possible TW)? I was in ABA therapy for two years (from when I was about 6 to when I was 8) and my therapist would look in on me in the bathroom and walk in on me if I was using too much toilet paper (more than 4 squares). When she walked in on me I asked her repeatedly to get out, but she wouldn't. I didn't self harm and I was high functioning so I had no problems using the bathroom. I just learned that my parents didn't ask her to check on me or anything. My mom also says that the therapist never let her sit in on sessions. The therapist also didn't let me stim at all which was really distressing to me. Overall she treated me like I was a weird creature who needed to be fixed. Now, about five years later, I am experiencing flashbacks and intrusive memories and I have been for the past four ish years . I am alternatingly hyper-vigilant and numb. I dissociate constantly and I have trouble sleeping. I feel disgusting and worthless for having autism. I always feel like someone is spying on me in the bathroom. I have to check that the door is locked three times to feel comfortable using the toilet and even when I do this I feel like I have to use no less than 4 squares of toilet paper. I am scared of authority in general and I have trouble socializing. I feel terrified of going to therapy, even to work on my non autism related issues like anxiety because I'm scared that I could be seen as ""too autistic"" and sent back to ABA. Even though I know I need help, I can never seem to open up completely in therapy about what happened or how I feel. The only time I opened up a little (which was the last time I went to therapy), my therapist said' ""so you felt made fun of?"" and I said yes and that was that. But I didn't feel made fun of. I felt helpless, violated, and distressed. I probably didn't communicate properly to her, so it could've also been my fault. Anyways, sorry for rambling. I know that no one can diagnose on here, but is it advisable to inquire about a PTSD diagnosis, once I find a new therapist or could this be something else?",3.409683794466403,5.019332695652178,4.9220509442248614,82.1187549407115,73.4927536231884,8.593061045234961,28.004391743522177,9.178173031916092,2.3662473429951696,1632,64,328,37,33,548,194,414,0.16899999999999998,0.747,0.084,-0.9903,1,0,1,0,0,0,49.0,0,1,0,1,26,23,2,4,14,1,42,3,1,8,3,60,74,34,0,9,8,2,9,4,0,2,2,3,1,1,16,17,0,0,15,0,2,5,11,15,0,5,26,17,59,8,53,38,4,51,0,2,4,0,21,25,0,5,24,241,75,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775647407953697,0.06158482577071089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05661981662328318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06090647250755093,0.0,0.13838450932517615,0.0,0.0,0.05691150303821421,0.0,0.045117696967297616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603183846627479,0.0,0.0,0.07760132404782501,0.07998186422404786,0.0,0.2363737418202725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512173549292503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182844539146029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14665485760576194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619627198203769,0.1057499425725712,0.14212835984968805,0.0,0.06764662979893339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03866878840528407,0.0,0.042063348658361005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544953724629365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049609418790883104,0.07819890058293658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725044406312916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135132500448095,0.06033055245257194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136681244925784,0.0,0.1446362425957138,0.07418056713360381,0.0,0.0,0.06215236080633432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006596388900566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668324468274148,0.0,0.0,0.05440814235208585,0.109759547219919,0.11416692634029052,0.07148231028871019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788215327802698,0.05015319000212543,0.05629029542741578,0.0,0.0,0.08218278536050506,0.0,0.07065387584428473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08343864619685662,0.0,0.0,0.07979863672646575,0.0708205381432138,0.1730346993801751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047414685152731985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080680815392652,0.058858185403671284,0.148200043575049,0.0,0.0,0.06737874377251549,0.07721180182908641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406654837485774,0.07544703170379644,0.06271105690767201,0.056978898024403826,0.0,0.08285160255151898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385617069056617,0.42967455088764345,0.0,0.0,0.07271749201881456,0.0,0.12947289617715266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230004124670891,0.0,0.0,0.2556942088142861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861088242574669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05388241610871889,0.0,0.0,0.052576780570270286,0.0,0.0,0.14298602356250908 ptsd,j_jizzlobber,2019/07/12,"7 weeks in I thought I might post a little more since I was diagnosed about 7 weeks ago, but I have been working on some things and wanted to relate my experiences so far. I was on Zoloft until Sunday when I switched to Prozac. I saw the psychiatric nurse on Friday and I related to her that I was having certain negative words (Kill and death) popping into my head, usually when I woke up during the night. I was also having a hard time ejaculating during sex, so she prescribed the Prozac. I tapered the Zoloft, taking 1/2 a pill on Friday and Saturday when things took turn for the worse. Without any details I went berserk on an employee at the trampoline park my son goes to and nearly got myself thrown out. My wife is an amazing person and she helped me have a great evening despite me kicking myself for hours after. I didn’t feel like the Prozac was working after 3 doses so I contacted my nurse practitioner and asked me to evaluate my symptoms. I wasn’t terrible, still much better than when I first started meds. We agreed that continuing the Prozac and keeping a close eye on my symptoms was the right thing. I am a medical cannabis patient for several back issues and have had chronic pain for several years. With all the rain we’ve gotten lately, my back has been a mess so I hit the shatter (82+% THC) very hard last night. Then things went downhill faster than I ever imagined. I got up from lying in bed watching TV and I was restless, I noticed my hands were clenched and my thumb was twitching. Then I started feeling the anxiety, so I laid back down and got under the covers. I looked up at the ceiling and realized it was coming down on me. I asked my wife if it was coming down and she got concerned, asking me what was wrong. I told her what was happening and she wanted to call 911. I said no because I knew the once the THC started wearing off I would be ok. Then things got even worse. I could no longer have any part of my body outside the covers and ended up with just my eyes peeking over. I had my hands over each side of my head and I wanted to scream very loud. I was absolutely sure I was going to die any minute and told my wife. She was getting alarmed and again wanted to call 911. I again talked her out of it and just asked her to hold me which she did and I felt a little better. I eventually was so exhausted I fell asleep and woke up fine this morning. To cut this long story short, from now on I will keep a very close watch on my cannabis consumption now that I am medication for depression and PTSD. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!",4.4611361165470775,5.5766404403131125,4.932526092628835,84.98067215699069,70.23287671232876,7.791280713198522,28.088769297673412,8.07648339933343,1.7183306805827354,2039,71,407,27,36,649,253,511,0.134,0.789,0.077,-0.9858,1,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,1,1,0,5,25,21,2,2,28,1,39,27,9,1,4,64,83,41,3,8,6,4,7,1,0,3,17,3,1,1,18,34,0,3,7,2,0,7,6,11,0,1,43,16,79,10,60,34,6,86,0,1,6,1,29,38,0,4,41,287,97,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696831637770849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060415322802317165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15412470850260895,0.0,0.05779364444170423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825069244357144,0.0,0.0,0.17427413407840162,0.0,0.0460530657297165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363128062859622,0.0,0.08391626146291642,0.0,0.0,0.15428492507191227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015499454239388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06031854571787147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506896650114563,0.07667914044667759,0.07840639620720799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691267720381057,0.0,0.0,0.09979684618795684,0.06833705515405789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389996897777533,0.0,0.0,0.07639819003912326,0.053971161911681116,0.07253746465559603,0.0,0.0,0.06426068016657907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039470460015009735,0.0,0.04293539543872489,0.0,0.3021112574699421,0.08329140523538364,0.0,0.0,0.06680642061512622,0.0,0.13535147405948728,0.0,0.15506709773246846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05063790880207279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439908728261238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788519808683436,0.0,0.13430021028827804,0.08358213530497621,0.0,0.0,0.06158131031427114,0.08522089085495574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03690870121311622,0.15143692004260229,0.0,0.06685717603544639,0.06344088794128475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148488813770712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391626146291642,0.15221235264578614,0.0,0.08014397785942866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055536118294968496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14179245571556834,0.0,0.0,0.0860113499006456,0.0,0.08045564100219613,0.0,0.0,0.08038788558457136,0.0,0.0,0.08181059987750024,0.0,0.0,0.06596517866188897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235363892403357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831100565541831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556796217160684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645171675364186,0.07186298976878785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706943830530687,0.0,0.06249368752675201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604187661173239,0.0,0.060332345415856525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120264159061299,0.157045595535975,0.05680233148651617,0.06072223323132096,0.0,0.06955400439031577,0.0,0.0,0.25095207000801545,0.0,0.0,0.059976290504980885,0.044052365248053504,0.0,0.0,0.1443777818194869,0.08393607218539112,0.0,0.08217400550319216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320491773833505,0.18700384283071972,0.17823953379961568,0.0,0.12119932387140082,0.0,0.0,0.1400666120177641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728251113750156,0.0,0.10999898565431572,0.0,0.15397874997244215,0.053666789180630635,0.08259935121970127,0.0,0.04865012463090295 ptsd,kiti_849,2019/07/12,"Do not read this if you are not ok with rape and violence little background of my situation My family sucks i don't wanna be with them i dont wanna meet them. I have been bullied alot. I have been raped and i have been in 2 bad relationships. Im currectly in good healty relationship with 2 cats and its dream come true but i cant shake my past off and future does seem nice with this person but i still struggle to want keep living. I have bad case of sosial anxiety and depression on top of that why you might ask cuz things i have had to go throught i really cant stand crowds im afraid of being in malls or events even group of ppl larger than 20 ppl gives me trouple. So earlier i was talking with the bf how i think i have ptsd cuz of my panic attacs and getting selfharming state of mind in situations like this and how i dont think i would have survived without my cat who is now 3-4 years old cuz i would have given up on life if it wasnt for him and im gonna soon see a special doc about going to therapy regularly and i dont know how to ask them that id like a paper that proves my condition so i could possibly have support animal for me any thoughts?",1.9198967297762481,3.4522477710843416,3.8198278829604138,88.7951807228916,77.31325301204821,7.4737808376362596,22.29890992541595,8.269060116576782,1.0513295467584631,921,26,208,17,21,312,149,249,0.127,0.738,0.136,0.0777,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,3,2,10,18,3,4,4,1,30,3,0,6,2,46,49,22,0,8,8,0,0,2,1,4,1,0,0,1,10,15,0,1,6,3,0,4,10,10,0,0,8,1,32,8,31,34,1,24,0,1,1,2,18,10,1,6,10,135,42,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07820642407790658,0.0,0.08797747571031078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215025772493097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19204648424487736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990654593731261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182105475504468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990524732459796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064046709661648,0.0,0.4043502557995093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595882467943987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841520398734228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008465932180473,0.11032197811805508,0.13071844649399725,0.09645960337815723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37267102271730784,0.0,0.0,0.10222052617260244,0.0,0.0,0.06320299716972402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123047743117211,0.1123699464134468,0.11526386753591142,0.10155032788202473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12200069633206287,0.11612090032044955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067698256345542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493200165372227,0.0,0.0,0.10978399466192816,0.0,0.1004167492726042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12964933316415087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13443310990431767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150347693185583,0.0,0.07367428155217905,0.0,0.0,0.2469417574284107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164301764301863,0.10469500162951964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585378369534982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918420616080649,0.0,0.0,0.12022678254313375,0.0,0.0,0.1305047765530545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09243557575907796,0.0,0.0,0.131516693810192,0.0,0.07640331339842166,0.14737938760250188,0.0,0.0913000502402804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783213105417721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037729043745188,0.0,0.0,0.1108594124663439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16339058341793244,0.0,0.0,0.07405857857495314 ptsd,hotchok,2019/07/12,"My roommate is getting fed up with my heightened startle response I have a tendency to be easily startled, and when I am I’ll jump and shriek. My roommate has been getting annoyed with this and is recently asked me to cut it out. I’m sure she knows I don’t do it to be cute, but I also don’t know how to stop it. Has anyone else had this issue in the past, and were you able to improve it?",1.5596428571428549,2.943051869047622,3.5590476190476217,90.91928571428572,77.92857142857143,6.2285714285714295,26.285714285714285,6.868970318607317,1.0281857142857145,303,12,68,3,7,103,57,84,0.10800000000000001,0.782,0.109,0.2617,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,3,6,2,2,2,0,14,1,0,1,1,13,21,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,7,1,1,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,4,0,10,2,10,15,0,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,4,50,16,0,0.2934466812446442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346692049719761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518474250143945,0.3006708028595554,0.0,0.0,0.2743330345735757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451370479241943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30662755877041364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062820953781275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225412434367073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801280614321044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28974319605768123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453345651931064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27657002427425337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_mylifeisajoke,2019/07/12,"PTSD related or not? My fiancé is an Afghanistan veteran and he has been struggling with PTSD for about 2 years. He recently started getting treatment and he’s been doing really well. He’s such a goofy, fun, loving guy. He also uses marijuana, but is awaiting his medical card in the mail. Yesterday he was very stressed and hadn’t slept for about 30 hours and then went AWOL. We couldn’t find him for 5 hours until he appeared naked on the doorstep with scrapes all over his body. His truck was found across town and the police were called because he was in peoples back yards. He doesn’t remember any of this and would NEVER do something like this normally. Can ptsd cause a fugue state like this?",4.411619958988382,6.4651856917293244,4.119439507860562,87.06347915242651,71.78195488721802,7.54313055365687,27.88038277511961,8.296473431620573,1.8731413533834584,559,21,107,9,11,169,97,133,0.11,0.8440000000000001,0.046,-0.8715,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,6,0,16,5,2,2,2,23,24,11,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,9,0,0,3,1,0,2,5,2,1,0,10,0,6,5,14,12,1,19,0,0,0,1,18,6,0,2,12,61,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665674154357304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770409704486857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178474451987607,0.0,0.09654721638256596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759249102117495,0.0,0.0,0.16172408730516002,0.0,0.0,0.16270028954909693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447568081651608,0.0,0.0,0.17365592399378418,0.0,0.0,0.08274721744158728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568214877212946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31194556387175865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15475331798042893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429444865535072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15955158157374874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215272145980625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551791559395713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980102123960604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5554146051002649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146253410208682,0.0,0.1563815290611692,0.0,0.17941410870730393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192896283668125,0.0,0.0,0.11210245600189313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18142420289666325,0.1655735728502139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678980624861736,0.0,0.13068040959611776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424029923216483,0.1468202092974455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11250888568394536,0.0,0.0,0.1019917791650459 ptsd,AdditionalCondition,2019/07/12,"I lost all my friends and feel worthless all the time from my trauma, and I live in the same house with the same people who caused it. Any tips? I get a lot of flashbacks. My parents are extremely unsupportive and make fun of me even they caused some of my trauma. I was raped as well and it constantly makes me feel worthless and like trash. Im in a waiting list for CBT therapy and medicine. But I do struggle a lot with loneliness. My friends just stopped talking to me. All of them. Does anyone have any experience with this?",2.6099999999999994,4.8736692307692335,3.1025384615384617,91.34246153846158,77.84615384615384,6.467692307692308,26.746153846153845,7.554174236665415,1.3648415384615382,416,17,87,6,10,129,67,104,0.212,0.6709999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.89,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,3,12,1,1,6,0,4,1,0,4,3,27,11,8,0,0,2,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,2,15,5,13,9,8,5,0,3,0,1,7,2,0,3,4,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501583703468928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860862401698522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37789499569003465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876374717437748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095899752915518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148449452403765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179919520897455,0.0,0.0,0.18600177969500373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.284208809485279,0.0,0.0960962007661791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122313360509976,0.0,0.0,0.19867672171790351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985925070155683,0.0,0.16241418036102548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007820895910932,0.3127426122350126,0.0,0.0,0.2455503447617965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423327875583808,0.0,0.0,0.1275143903034702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377430343325565,0.0,0.19228430622962744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783653175941666,0.0,0.0,0.21034078839990844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725147194869744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537579102893493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,vdeoson,2019/07/12,"Ayahuasca and Psychedelics are healing my C-PTSD symptoms. I am actually on my way to my next Ayahuasca ceremony!. I wanted to encourage everyone to look for alternative medicines. My first two ceremonies were amazing, It helped me connect with my subconscious mind. I saw my entire life in couple of hours, I learn how to forgive, accept, value and love myself. I was also able to forgive those who were cruel to me and It taught me to be open toward others, especially non toxic people. After Ayahuasca I lost some called “friends” but Ai am so grateful I did and I am much happier. I can finally understand why things happened the way they did and how I am in control of my own thoughts. I am even off anti depressants. Anyways I can’t write my whole experience because it’s hard to explain, you have to experience it yourself. Ayahuasca and psychedelics like mushrooms ( psilocybin) are not drugs! They are natural plants that’s are available from nature. They have a bad stigma because it contains Natural DMT ( not synthetic ones! ). Ayahuasca was discovered by people in the Amazonia, it helped them grow spiritually and access their Gods or what some call “Source”. Which I had access to myself. Same experience happened to me during two nights of doing a solo ceremony with Psilocybin at my home! I had an ego death and was reborn. It was the most profound experience I ever had. Be aware that you have to be in the right mindset to heal your brain and heart. Was I fearful of doing this absolutely but sounds silly now I would do it again. There’s a big movement right now, the industry is moving towards these alternative medicines, they are beginning to legalized them. The medicines are known to cure depression, anxiety, PTSD, alcoholism and drug addiction. There are some ayahuasca and psilocybin reddit forums, check them out. There’s also an Ayahuasca group on Facebook if you are looking to do it around your area, globally! https://m.facebook.com/groups/ayahuascaworld/?ref=group_header&view=group Here are some helpful links for you to learn more about these medicines. https://youtu.be/lXb49TAfTbI https://youtu.be/_iFINgLBdy0 https://youtu.be/bxjjs8sLTdQ https://youtu.be/81-v8ePXPd4 https://youtu.be/uS93igtiAYM I am 90 percent Trauma Free!",7.343827493261454,10.712106239892186,6.1644851752021586,69.74608086253372,67.46361185983828,8.768301886792452,33.241509433962264,9.3871,3.706403557951483,1849,84,263,42,35,554,211,371,0.09300000000000001,0.792,0.115,0.728,0,0,3,0,0,0,86.0,0,6,8,3,17,17,1,1,11,0,41,11,2,3,1,47,54,20,1,3,6,0,1,1,1,1,8,1,1,0,20,16,1,2,10,0,2,3,3,7,0,4,16,5,47,11,41,34,11,34,0,3,3,1,28,18,0,7,12,206,67,4,0.10316592474916354,0.0,0.10067506069162613,0.11246608583901599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102529987956904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500350549816814,0.0,0.1117802363634506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892165005555653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09183954547295277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613923792199596,0.12577798035119211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516729103986595,0.21068788762154347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157093569828242,0.0,0.11415113348769995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17771331963188833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23927943939129356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814012031581337,0.09331948529627604,0.0,0.09857946217640393,0.0,0.4036642815743138,0.0,0.11609034717717773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130132278521456,0.0,0.08775288288930141,0.0,0.0,0.07970573754706249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245857308997326,0.0,0.0924164047225086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225211755231975,0.2074498341450083,0.0,0.10348383415875996,0.0,0.10159765468491704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728691436291961,0.05040165972029774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732667875744092,0.0,0.11261779369951153,0.0,0.09311127495274367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416817469738596,0.0,0.0,0.10964905123795712,0.07583882511407596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971813136263396,0.09681423172568568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990790056515128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304452483945296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24119089051120154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17620627209349918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722889734146004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0685388562746471,0.0,0.0,0.0819022205052158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20155623576953194,0.10739936600562784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060849935353998935,0.16377661817471226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309120065301738,0.11518107071486886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328611296682162,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,up-white-gold,2019/07/12,Avoidance I have ptsd mostly from childhood trauma. Is it ok to be avoid. A friend asked me why I didn’t want to stay in my childhood home when no one lived there for the summer because rent/utilities would be free. I just want to avoid going there. I try to keep contact with my mom to a minimum and avoid my grandmother at all costs. There’s a difference between it being ok for mental health avoidance and what really is healthy habits.,3.881461794019933,5.7205551860465125,4.157242524916942,87.13941860465117,72.72093023255816,7.239867109634551,26.239202657807308,7.957251820313856,1.5283574750830566,350,12,68,5,7,109,62,86,0.17800000000000002,0.649,0.17300000000000001,-0.1335,1,5,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,10,0,5,4,2,8,1,0,0,1,15,13,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,3,3,0,6,0,0,2,1,2,6,0,1,1,0,8,5,12,8,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,46,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23449723633994154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529069301245764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620696027578496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379480585722408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255553688326794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26662629791312964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516083555254318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22295402645707926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22149225147896345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527830835294371,0.0,0.0,0.2937753859041757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699725569932815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932131565406481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069157862340758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673571589859037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703007696106984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29589843269162397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22633993126172725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818626953987973,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,e_milyr,2019/07/12,"Sick of having nightmares Yesterday I ran into some unexpected triggers while at work, which caused the rest of the day to crash and burn. Last night, I had more awful nightmares (used to have them every night, but now they’re coming 1-2 times a week). What do you guys do to combat nightmares and help you calm down after you’ve been triggered??",9.123636363636363,7.264610151515157,7.829393939393943,78.11409090909092,61.12121212121213,10.012121212121212,32.60606060606061,7.793537801064563,2.1890060606060606,274,7,52,2,3,83,54,66,0.13699999999999998,0.77,0.09300000000000001,-0.2747,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,1,1,1,1,0,0,3,1,6,1,0,4,0,10,9,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,1,9,6,3,15,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,10,33,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126007419919669,0.0,0.2621281919484921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19624883986344216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563865458259544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013056310951901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20396640981789613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480457640100951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5711313680944041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17744024183053014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628181858112282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24409174418152674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215346043930891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,medicff,2019/07/12,"Question about trauma So I did extensive work on one of my traumas, the main part was what we worked on. It’s gotten to the “main” part has become rather boring to me. Not near the flashbacks and all that. But I’ve ran into another possible issue that I’m not sure if it’s related or not. Part of my initial traumatic scene was controlling traffic after coming up on the scene for what felt like three hours and just the intense feelings of anger at all the assholes on the highway. Recently I was doing the same job on the same highway and I did something incredibly wreckless and dangerous. It all felt the same and I felt like I was right back to that exact same scene. Would this be kinda like another possible trigger point for my issues? In all the work I’ve done with the many shrinks, we just kinda glossed over all that part.",4.548415132924337,5.9732678036809865,5.0547392638036825,83.0160148261759,70.34969325153375,8.132719836400819,29.534253578732105,8.59863814320734,2.2430658486707564,664,26,126,11,12,212,92,163,0.142,0.807,0.05,-0.9519,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,2,0,0,4,6,9,2,0,12,0,11,0,0,2,7,40,19,9,0,3,9,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,10,0,1,5,0,0,2,3,5,0,2,12,4,11,4,22,5,15,19,0,0,0,0,3,13,0,5,7,99,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658885862101538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974892274620867,0.0,0.0,0.14002319311855022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10921336607440912,0.0,0.0,0.14219926620659418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974425990344465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06410590331550703,0.0,0.365198156677457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12485690285748165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646595401903452,0.1258137600019276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582107483886548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853928395805012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591225827902295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.549179754467476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985205368077073,0.2858602821560333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202732514818803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251841067419169,0.0,0.0,0.10827301804301966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760467486353792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949261246317652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27690123295649993,0.0,0.0,0.09006386137434433,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,macaroniiscool,2019/07/12,"I got diagnosed yesterday I’m 17, I’ve previously been diagnosed with BPD. I’ve been seeing a new therapist lately, because my previous one was constantly calling me manipulative and blaming me for causing myself the trauma i went through. The therapist I’m seeing now told me my 3 year relationship with my first boyfriend was mentally and emotionally abusive and that I seem to have gotten PTSD from the recurring trauma. All the panic attacks when I see him, nightmares, not being able to go places we went together, checking his social media because it feels weird he still exists in a way, it all makes sense. I’m hoping knowing my diagnosis will help my therapist and I work through it more efficiently. He says it’ll take time, but I will get better.",5.625735775016352,7.7460214100719424,6.656167429692613,69.84793982995426,68.71223021582733,9.946631785480706,34.21909744931328,10.230975488527342,4.098159712230217,612,30,98,17,11,204,95,139,0.102,0.828,0.07,-0.3299,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,3,3,7,1,1,6,0,9,2,0,3,2,18,28,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,7,0,0,3,0,1,3,1,5,0,2,9,5,18,2,9,15,3,17,0,0,3,0,11,2,0,2,11,60,23,1,0.1323525924404457,0.1568161795858522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15057018094162666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136182379869268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170551124942336,0.0,0.0,0.16669345695659796,0.0,0.13514679478864774,0.0,0.0,0.13596257063584494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14302613330824893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686701906537367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14887885232357936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669214474883339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257904751748993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691487668983308,0.0,0.07521902835059499,0.0,0.10585445881404164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871315283991886,0.0,0.0,0.13145598785466106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07273752348595053,0.0,0.14929948914597094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883463831887209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338028351800393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782695852018802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968554194966093,0.0,0.0,0.15528725026976112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828028928692954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471309790414126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420971527060364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525209375272393,0.0,0.0,0.3164036412813785,0.12048882934204788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13491680043804746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569695128975333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995126780318538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4610146826955858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717586100337799,0.0,0.0,0.12646857392258973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505532737313987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453843583523515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635426360841257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523073018145112 ptsd,ashtonftm,2019/07/12,"I can’t trust police officers anymore. *TW: mention of the words sexual assault, abuse, abusive, but no specifics have been said* In my last semester of high school, my therapist was required to report my sexual assault & abusive relationship of my first abusive boyfriend to CPS. They gave the case to the local PD, who then handed it to the police officers based specifically in the school district. I remember so clearly how the policewoman I met was so nice, understanding, open, & she expressed active listening when I said I didn’t know if I should press charges or not. I know I wouldn’t have been able to. I know that. I know that I had waited too long to tell anyone & all that I wouldn’t be able to press charges based on witness testimonies. But she promised me that I would get “justice” & that she would talk to my friends about it all. We never heard from her again. I tried to contact her. I tried to get her to come back. I tried to see her again. I tried everything I could to be able to just get some foothold on what was going on. But to no avail. I already have PTSD from my sexual assault & the abusive relationships I had consistently afterwards (& during). But this woman... she unknowingly smudged my pain back in my face. I felt so insignificant & now I’m just another number in a statistic. I can’t tell the police anything, because what are they going to do? Lie to me that everything’s okay when they won’t actually get me my “justice”? I just associate police officers with the pain of everything I went through now with the conditioning of my prior abandonment issues being connected with her... abandoning me. This is more of a vent than anything & I don’t know what I’m going to get out of posting this.",5.384625930278107,6.593209045045048,5.860725943334639,78.83145710928322,68.15915915915916,9.394907951429687,32.195978587282944,9.653516015845867,3.0338432954693824,1384,59,260,30,23,446,158,333,0.17800000000000002,0.725,0.096,-0.9865,0,0,0,0,1,0,57.0,1,0,3,2,17,12,3,0,12,1,27,4,2,1,4,43,54,13,0,7,10,0,4,0,1,6,2,4,0,1,15,7,0,4,8,0,0,5,11,7,0,1,15,9,52,5,41,29,4,32,0,2,1,0,30,11,0,4,15,179,67,4,0.21251298653064632,0.4196552310968268,0.06912733982901981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817112170224695,0.0,0.0,0.6140206189839129,0.0,0.0,0.07427946524200672,0.0,0.0,0.0702519262318227,0.0495313404517598,0.0,0.1165867204231796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893957933217394,0.0,0.043181981371618064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061020373570114785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056558109135208125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099296937726984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06801526451866971,0.0,0.0,0.06025447926021942,0.0,0.0,0.05472900207744049,0.0,0.18504877385367485,0.0,0.12077602760906275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07484387934740892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393611511024498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946526328375197,0.05774214925098446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268910189531063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463437207416268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507525339654774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06784289902703143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280543630910643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521062778459187,0.08024526226944909,0.0,0.13476567678325896,0.0,0.0,0.14338299193059076,0.05644844537193563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693662957482529,0.1238304780778852,0.0,0.0,0.08224798559969541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19237649084734104,0.0,0.0,0.07374450455046849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566722253013814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064208555727837,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Simbacutie,2019/07/12,"Child sexual abuse. Just got triggered yesterday. I don’t know what to do. My sisters ex husband seduced and molested me for years and we had a fight. I told her she did not protect me and she responded “how would I dream you were WITH him”. By that she means a relationship and Keeps calling me a liar that I wasn’t 11, I was 27. I’m traumatised. We are not close. But I can’t get rid of this. It’s flowing through my veins. I don’t know what to do",-0.9767410714285738,1.1375957604166658,1.3426190476190492,97.65000000000002,96.60416666666666,5.242857142857143,20.39880952380952,6.868970318607317,0.4100559523809517,347,13,83,6,14,116,66,96,0.222,0.757,0.021,-0.9589,0,0,0,0,2,0,11.0,2,1,0,0,2,3,3,0,3,0,12,2,1,2,0,19,20,6,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,2,3,1,0,1,6,3,0,0,7,0,20,0,7,12,0,4,0,0,0,1,17,1,0,0,2,57,26,0,0.0,0.3838278500325972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33078923246006203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16925053652681932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590924574891461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879416991632713,0.0,0.0,0.35606896341998034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3528765860606351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34780113099906323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095481662261821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23012482902503095,0.0,0.0,0.20861321841057145 ptsd,berfumelody,2019/02/15,"Hello everyone 2 Hello everyone, So the thing is Melody woke up, she woke up with sadness and disappointment. All her head is going on ""You can't even success to kill yourself, you are worthless"" She was only 14 years old... She didn't even realise and remember what happened to her. Next day her mom saw the scars on her wrist and got the appointment from psychologist. First diagnose was Bipolar Disorder. It make sense but it didn't fit her at all. She had so many toxic friends from high school. They were seen like friends but they were always bullying me at the same time. Never been happy, never been loved... They were ""joking"" about her disease all the time. Then at the age of 16. She met someone. Friends of her friends... Nice guy, handsome... It was enough to trush a guy in 16, teenage years we say. Second date with him, she was afraid if they are going to make it and she realized she is not ready, she was not ready at all. She said no, he said yes. She cried, he laughed. She saw blood, he saw joy. Three days, feeling sick, feeling worthless, feeling like a bitch cuz it was her fault, it was... Her fault. She always been the worst, she never felt loved from family, from friends, from boys. She was fat, worthless, cheap, slut, ugly, mental... She didn't deserve anything. Those days she wanted to tell someone and she wrote to her best ""male"" friend. He invited her to house to talk, she said ""are you kidding me? I am telling you he raped me and it is not funny."". He said ""you are not innocent anymore. You are not virgin."". She cried, blocked the number. After that she decided to not to tell anyone because she was a slut, whore, a bitch... She didn't tell her parents, she didn't tell anyone, she didn't talk anyone for 6 months. She didn't carry on. They killed her soul. ",1.6963081395348851,4.261126014534888,2.2052790697674425,94.56937209302326,83.91279069767441,5.067906976744187,21.390697674418604,6.508806274219699,0.31922813953488394,1375,44,283,14,40,421,166,344,0.248,0.621,0.13,-0.9955,1,0,0,0,0,0,89.0,1,6,5,3,5,35,5,1,12,1,34,14,4,3,7,39,59,13,2,2,9,2,4,2,6,0,4,5,0,5,11,9,1,1,7,1,1,2,18,17,0,3,37,13,56,18,32,22,8,32,1,5,4,7,89,12,2,1,20,181,67,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427500064718866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506972281388607,0.17993602291816216,0.0,0.07058881173913822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229008488273919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001977292632825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884484168239708,0.16596108446657082,0.0,0.0,0.08706388378624308,0.0,0.0,0.09831017053499548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08863264167170891,0.0,0.11331244675054672,0.0,0.0,0.1639310292789284,0.0,0.0,0.0808648111697979,0.0,0.13011732591742445,0.0612805378505089,0.08236129612479456,0.0,0.0,0.07296357728394948,0.0,0.0,0.3976358758828864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750036990550284,0.0,0.06860530584369239,0.0,0.0,0.16986940093416694,0.07585409026141793,0.09131334518976586,0.0,0.0,0.08803400571135772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063022769496548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897745411583236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18980351820346456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08381457732574654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15483780093223248,0.0,0.1145163029833986,0.08696644686863653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864450609524748,0.0,0.0,0.1004633331718415,0.06846798289654611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19847416879885105,0.0,0.09122694427289364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001063548867322,0.0,0.0,0.06523879816178342,0.0,0.0,0.09524743307522024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717089031641933,0.0,0.3263819053429577,0.06821490718005316,0.0,0.08681293192951466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453605440528259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378918288988708,0.3748731533436908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698775894413844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003685451150217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050594679225816334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047773285869436 ptsd,sam_albrow,2019/02/15,"My story Hi my names Sam and I’m 14. I haven’t got diagnosed with PTSD but I’m showing signs. I don’t know whether I have PTSD or as the psychologist I met said “just normal stress” Last Easter I was in Gran Canaria in a holiday bungalow when a man came in. He came through the living area when I was in the bedroom. I got up and at first I thought he was a member of staff, until I saw my iPad, my brothers iPad and my dads phone. He was going through to the dinning area to try and get my dads wallet. I confronted him, he tried to get out of the bungalow, I grabbed his arm and tried to hold him there while shouting in my dad. ( my dad was in the bathroom at the time) he turned around and landed a punch to the chest and pushed me to the ground. He then ran out of the bungalow in which I ran after him. He turned left out of the door and ran over gravel. I ran after him barefoot and kept up with him. He ran around the other bungalows but got out through one of the locking side exits. He got away with my dads wallet and my iPad. He dropped the rest when I was chasing him. In the days just after the event when I was still in Spain I was physically jumpy. I remember a man with the same complexion walking past me and me almost punching him. When looking back on the event I feel angry, about being robbed but more because I didn’t catch him, I also feel guilty about not catching him, I feel like if I ran a bit faster I could have got him. I feel like I should have caught him and beaten or killed him. If I ever see him again I would kill him. No exaggeration. I’m hyper vigilant, when I go any where new I’m scanning for threats, if someone frightens me I am very close to attacking them. But then there’s a part of my brain that just says to me that I’m milking it. I’m fine, I don’t need any help and I’m just making it up for attention. What do you guys think? P.S. sorry if this isn’t what this sub is for and if it isn’t then tell me and I’ll take this down",1.5076513954712991,2.9931058341232206,2.962709320695101,94.69997761979992,78.33649289099526,6.110689836756188,21.674828857293313,6.816661863887847,0.2507849394418113,1530,42,363,15,36,500,194,422,0.121,0.836,0.043,-0.9881,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,1,2,23,10,6,1,25,0,24,5,3,1,1,67,67,40,2,10,17,6,5,2,0,2,1,3,2,3,12,28,1,2,9,2,0,15,8,7,0,2,28,12,64,3,55,35,5,76,0,0,4,0,44,33,0,8,29,237,76,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700810903955492,0.0,0.0,0.08545850283886798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534134971252402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902618985899741,0.0,0.12157237475570858,0.10040154159445208,0.08217124338148385,0.0,0.06514284565323226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666699223769465,0.0,0.0,0.11929472938845392,0.0,0.2444461798192497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532161000502679,0.0,0.0,0.0689179560146249,0.0,0.0,0.10846394983249223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666392813941807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21613308139412551,0.15268625505943684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908978263082716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116632755660709,0.0,0.12146569587963743,0.0,0.4273415179560838,0.0,0.0,0.10581141903935072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162818424848838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364567072035905,0.0,0.058729247774925324,0.0871078120286317,0.0,0.0,0.11610723437667005,0.0,0.0,0.1044159726737088,0.0,0.09436220804201427,0.0,0.08973821624640313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133204953439286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923774620741802,0.0,0.10320919326731352,0.0,0.0,0.10470329630130856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241330420065051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157224865744274,0.10201306445812043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498348424687188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12105523110288882,0.0,0.10165142269056872,0.08498194599692888,0.0,0.0,0.08515617503938375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905448853882896,0.0,0.0,0.1196246599432714,0.0,0.0,0.08534112991280399,0.0,0.1224114924269547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034786510167555,0.0,0.0934031911501815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06847365598961108,0.0,0.0848374841785683,0.06231282075455932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176593972622036,0.2324730600398732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817337331082586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591258711887491,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Shattered_Me123,2019/02/15,"Getting on disability I'm going to make this brief. I have a long history of trauma and abuse, and all the diagnoses that come with it: clinical depression, panic disorder, PTSD and Complex PTSD. I also have an attachment disorder and some form of disassociative disorder, the later of which I have not been officially diagnosed. I do experience amnesia/time loss and what I would say is severe brain fog. These things make it very difficult to hold down a job. Relationships of any kind are hard as well. I have two cats who are my unofficial ESAs. I have a solid savings account as well, in case I become agoraphobic again and can't leave the house, or can't work for whatever reason. I am no contact with most of my family. I live in the USA. Washington state. I'm 24. ",3.4953131115459897,5.968833267123292,5.449745596868887,74.56506849315069,75.91780821917807,9.924853228962816,27.55185909980431,10.125756701596842,3.3866708414872813,611,25,111,21,14,210,102,146,0.214,0.705,0.08,-0.9676,1,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,1,8,0,14,4,1,3,1,21,21,10,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,9,9,0,1,2,0,1,3,4,5,2,1,1,2,12,4,16,19,4,11,0,2,0,0,4,4,0,3,3,77,21,2,0.0,0.166213089261081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121847189974318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539763706690604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15493217982040788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566028569392575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208418726539578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082603193679126,0.28476973803888056,0.0,0.0,0.482331369087717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372242482394331,0.1322468634062102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329237451849557,0.0,0.07972638477985966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566652282017918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618684031459123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392097955657741,0.0,0.0,0.14608374911186034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854004362841472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387296104555535,0.12414654360186116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872807425052885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645925417795617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279679688628176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144234872550392,0.0,0.15061205284333246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155912419266388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848050220559318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09319816943721856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703666236494644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157486356457878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522635508114916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212810859266523,0.0,0.0,0.09965342208669864,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throw1away1acct12,2019/02/15,"Secondary trauma from girlfriend’s ptsd So my girlfriend has experienced sexual assault, and it has been seriously affecting our relationship. I grew up in a not so good household and lived on my own pretty young, so I feel like I am the one who knows how to do adult things and take care of finances, put things in our google calendar, make sure we wake up on time, etc. Recently i have struggled with that and am feeling burnt out because i work and go to school full time, and also take care of the finances/appointments (she does not work, but she does go to school). I have struggled with depression/suicide my whole life, and I feel like I am definitely feeling secondary trauma from dealing with her ptsd every day (and every night, as she has loud and violent night terrors that keep me up so I usually just don’t sleep). We have been together for over a year and there’s only been a few months where she’s gotten better, and then just went back to her old ways. But recently she also has been unable to have sex which is hard for me because I have really big insecurities around sex (I grew up being told multiple times that I was too ugly to have sex with, by multiple people, so it definitely took a toll on me). I have always tried to be understanding and tell her it’s okay if she can’t, and that we can do what is comfortable for her (so it’s mostly just cuddling), but this is making me feel unattractive and unloved. I don’t know what to do because I am extremely close to having a breakdown because of the burnout, and I know I’m not treating her as well as I can because of it. Should I take a step back and maybe take a break for a while? We live together, so breaking up would be really hard, but in the end, is that the right solution? I’ve read a lot about secondary trauma and I’ve read that it is important to put my mental health first, but I’m worried if I break up with her it will cause her to slip further into her problems and she may start self harming again. Any advice is appreciated. TL;DR Girlfriend has night terrors so I don’t sleep, we don’t have sex anymore, and I’m feeling burnt out from taking care of her, so I am not treating her as well as I can. Is it time to break up? Or is there anything I can do?",4.4952581120943975,5.195476121681416,5.32316814159292,83.73348377581121,69.86283185840708,8.416047197640117,28.7834808259587,8.548686976883017,1.938482949852508,1765,62,365,27,30,576,196,452,0.135,0.755,0.11,-0.9537,0,0,0,0,0,1,48.0,7,0,0,5,26,28,2,5,14,1,52,10,3,5,1,72,83,46,0,5,15,0,8,2,3,4,2,1,0,2,21,34,0,1,10,2,1,9,9,14,2,2,9,10,55,14,54,67,7,61,0,0,0,5,34,24,0,6,25,262,76,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07785024055658175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12742027548097845,0.0662898115076403,0.0,0.0,0.05417668869669246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900883551203647,0.0,0.0,0.06555963310106512,0.07092103982203822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12251890824749083,0.0,0.24282309726395354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045950348674875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24367923282789056,0.08184055369863119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051379000621664686,0.08213378039489992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13943527837947553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056183238792793,0.0,0.08885041477523488,0.0,0.0,0.13424675026404634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416939437587479,0.11382907513904965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06776520582545419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905538472845376,0.06682138923548048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273301301267655,0.0,0.0,0.084682915834541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081220871764254,0.0,0.0,0.13134966121009722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05627157027520383,0.07784311426438356,0.0,0.14069587161358854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773053055051265,0.0,0.0,0.10635746122808556,0.0,0.08003679567507052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028618615067579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635899050752652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22428789084913908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359772735144744,0.0,0.05398481639171791,0.0605907872092646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523147131347191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810505734310431,0.0,0.07623111806571083,0.1862542836266045,0.16017585150001756,0.0,0.0,0.15937828535566473,0.0,0.10207418798815683,0.0,0.15732425507137898,0.08553316991636106,0.0,0.06803568101127151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125569549915209,0.0,0.0,0.08311066444308512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945023694865815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05638912564690207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16657171191859588,0.0,0.08714340577510843,0.0,0.07508575462002917,0.0,0.2995005401881321,0.0,0.06963297946840248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058552049703414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581923443038767,0.0,0.0,0.07612579011191695,0.08851361661717076,0.05408905967782318,0.0,0.0,0.08293676404997018,0.0,0.0,0.08774258787196429,0.0,0.0,0.06323641956017878,0.0,0.0,0.14326145051424474,0.07385264805829322,0.0,0.08894601188242986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599789924621187,0.08090629819905873,0.0,0.05659356554255865,0.0,0.0,0.05130331176858193 ptsd,Cuppica,2019/02/15,"Crying after (consenting) sex? *trigger warning?* I’m a recovering rape victim (I suffer from PTSD, Anxiety & Depression) I was wondering if anyone else here has consenting sex with their s/o and cries afterwards? The actual act of sex is fine but afterwards I find myself crying but I have no thoughts going on in my head or actual reason to cry. My s/o feels terrible after when they see me crying. I’ve explained that it’s not their fault and everything, but I can’t understand why I end up crying. Sorry if this is a bit weird but I just cannot get my head around it. Anybody else experience this? Thanks. ",1.7424858757062118,4.45579754237288,3.9780000000000046,80.55372316384181,86.28813559322035,7.892429378531076,22.27344632768361,8.648137234880735,2.1936964971751407,482,17,87,14,15,165,84,118,0.29600000000000004,0.638,0.066,-0.9819,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,3,0,4,9,2,0,3,0,7,6,2,2,0,21,17,10,0,2,9,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,0,2,4,7,0,0,2,2,15,2,10,15,1,12,0,2,1,4,4,4,0,4,6,54,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.2278461327000981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648959132851814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893070867200616,0.0,0.0,0.08162851628096146,0.11961567525547763,0.0,0.10392487037600362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745170877948492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7694117036836988,0.0,0.0,0.10054946162746672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19504543333582955,0.0,0.10339850209204048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491991917417566,0.11419579093623652,0.0,0.0,0.05902811502017239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669980572294784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06099272384521132,0.0,0.06634700269982266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239621343806943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646480883135195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002991863901595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302802629712197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068278378919845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748007954540936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267987559910294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153223465034413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534123302973626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660140194237826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,harukomariko,2019/02/15,"Service Dog/Companion Dog A little background: So, my brother was in the 101st Airborne in Afghanistan and came back with pretty severe PTSD. He's gotten some help and is mostly functional, but has anxiety attacks, insomnia, major depressive symptoms, and it is still really dangerous trying to wake him up (he can be violent). Recently, he and his fiance adopted a dog from a rescue organization. The dog was supposed to be specifically for him and his PTSD, but his fiance didn't give him a say in which dog and didn't even get a dog that met the criteria for an emotional companion dog. She simply bulldozed and went ahead picked one that met her specific needs: a high energy dog she could run with and show off to her friends. My brother is obviously hurt and resentful of her blatant selfishness. He is also having trouble connecting to--and not feeling more anxious around--this hyper and super anxious dog. They have a tiny one bedroom in the city, which makes it even worse. My question is: Are there any organizations in Northern Virginia (Arlington area) that help Veterans train their dog to help them with PTSD? I feel like it could become HIS dog if maybe someone came in and helped him train and connect with it. Obviously he and his fiance need to talk about what she did and how it's causing him to feel resentful and angry, but at least this might help him feel less so. He has started drinking more again and he's essentially told my Dad and brother that it's the stress of the situation. Any suggestions are appreciated. I love my brother and want him to be happy and healthy. 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These feelings, I can't quite seem to recognize. Hard to pin down and sometimes fleeting. They make me feel alive at random moments of the day. They make me feel safer when I was in no danger before. I am getting more acquainted with them each and everyday, but they still surprise me. I enjoy their presence but can sometimes take them for granted. The sense of calm that comes with them is intoxicating. So much so, that I forget the tranquility I am feeling is coming from them. I don't want these feelings to ever go away. I want them to grow and become even more a part of my everyday. ",2.930333333333333,4.957956200000002,3.6567592592592617,88.8829166666667,75.8888888888889,6.277777777777778,25.324074074074076,7.1686216300943375,1.0511851851851848,537,19,109,6,12,170,88,135,0.084,0.7490000000000001,0.16699999999999998,0.9283,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,9,2,7,6,1,0,4,0,10,2,0,2,1,26,27,8,0,2,3,0,7,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,7,8,0,0,7,0,0,4,3,2,0,0,2,8,24,4,16,24,5,18,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,2,9,79,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526041182240257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174433343090394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19013054811348654,0.14649035928566992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.296590824570981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222050153413617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370608175481345,0.15572313308570673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5222773569105016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08994335041237796,0.0,0.09783907549014398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542161537455462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760391107970154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298282401041964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655298535786252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642598666016671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18310695113896444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690375656237805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15672251992899414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3405293811265212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748239272801568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12943836994017646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030817583552524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,eryoshi,2019/02/15,"Support groups like Al-Anon but for people with family members with PTSD? My mom was just diagnosed with PTSD relating to an illness she’s been struggling with since the end of August. She has been unable to eat due to nausea and has been on a liquid diet since then. Her nausea started as a physiological reaction, most likely due to medications, but at some point morphed into something psychological and is being linked to PTSD from the trauma she has undergone during her illness. I feel awful for being frustrated with her for not sucking up the discomfort and just freaking eating, since it is obvious that that is what she needs to do to live, and now that I know that it is ptsd, I am interested in finding support groups to help me support her in a more compassionate and helpful way. Do such groups exist?",9.786508987701039,8.33291417880795,9.6241816461684,64.48304635761589,59.52980132450332,12.072280037842953,38.789971617786186,10.914260884657429,4.292073982970671,655,26,108,13,7,215,94,151,0.16699999999999998,0.688,0.14400000000000002,-0.7371,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,13,2,2,7,1,16,7,0,0,1,24,24,9,0,1,5,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,7,11,3,0,4,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,4,1,13,7,25,18,3,15,0,0,0,0,15,7,1,2,9,84,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264076699805755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674432182473979,0.0,0.0,0.1157465873313846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319655533687428,0.0,0.06607738731173886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944214018071014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751884808191182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718201068845039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769048816383785,0.0,0.1153957206025848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164964476587762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15305466500680062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689998795342464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905993240464566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353792960680265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6110469917252194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3243076512516315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060636494976634,0.0,0.0,0.09249829029873967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661852695751794,0.0,0.0,0.4448934743937365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373029598928823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,truth14ful,2019/02/15,Look Idk if I have ptsd All I know is one minute I'm reading about men getting screwed over by feminism and the next minute I'm getting the voice in my head for the 1000th time saying the weak need to be punished and all I can think about is wanting to kill people please make it stop i hate this,2.513809523809524,3.8771076825396835,2.8097142857142856,97.36028571428574,75.34920634920636,5.674920634920635,23.711111111111112,5.6839178017228535,0.12521206349206349,236,7,55,1,5,72,47,63,0.29100000000000004,0.677,0.032,-0.9571,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,4,0,5,3,1,1,2,11,16,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,3,5,0,8,15,2,5,0,0,1,1,2,2,1,1,3,30,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751774427641631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600021214845099,0.2702715359452006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913560957390067,0.0,0.14472944785328692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114641308629124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578716796988836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952695750793323,0.0,0.0,0.2800741162348493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784517583871876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18257269048918465,0.0,0.0,0.28907756975432314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078403025319233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634197647731248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20942529638332325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017113707005428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874308456754153,0.0,0.0,0.15356062751817995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532976779281008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dontbeahater_dear,2019/02/15,"Trauma or PTSD from giving birth? I had an emergency c-section six months ago. I literally shook from shock in my hospital bed for two days afterwards. I had panic attacks. My baby was in NICU for three weeks. Now everything is great. My baby is doing amazing, i am back at work etc etc. But whenever i see a pregnant woman or someone on tv in hospital or giving birth, i get flashbacks and i get so scared. I think i wasnt helped very well after it all happened. Physically i was fine but nobody really checked in on me mentally (except of course my partner and family). The thought of the birth and what happened sometimes just pop into my head and i get fixated on it. I also get very fixated on getting sick or dieing in an accident. I dont really know where to turn with this. It’s not debilitating but i dont know how to best deal with this. ",1.7978763971071672,4.184579875739647,4.061015779092703,82.6697748191979,81.60355029585799,7.542537804076267,24.773504273504273,8.515128840125781,2.026123997370152,665,26,129,16,18,229,106,169,0.136,0.774,0.09,-0.6943,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,8,11,1,3,5,0,11,2,1,1,1,23,26,14,1,0,10,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,6,7,0,0,4,1,1,1,4,6,1,3,6,1,20,5,23,20,4,24,0,0,1,0,6,12,0,4,11,92,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068826598529955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887865997450782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548896460107418,0.0,0.10469051727578356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288044014632634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780512704748232,0.1403640969112828,0.0,0.0,0.1413016260858863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191322652340429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036852357253277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236233994855625,0.0,0.12834957739502445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3556623217154131,0.2612139026273232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150105241001451,0.0,0.0,0.24079300471731654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13972860711587276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125810139790498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14964834596040807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13720661534520712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867318605875398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597420357327554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591514124359582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444163833715134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630934340064468,0.0,0.10849347834146483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535898080510948,0.0,0.13465527996064486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723906527781436,0.0,0.10808744930141563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14809149713890532,0.13299822203072062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246750975643917,0.0,0.0,0.10921087036241392,0.0,0.12241469969450625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911841566902677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hithereletshang,2019/02/15,"PTSD and GI issues? I am a veteran with PTSD for 12 years now and have several issues realted to that but its never created a GI issue for me. I've somehow developed IBS and have a really hard time keeping food in my body. I have had blood tests galore and just had an upper and lower endoscopy confirming I do not have any hormone or thyroid issue, or autoimmune disease causing this. I am a little lost on how to treat this since PTSD is the only other issue I have. Anyone gone through this before? ",3.645075757575757,5.3871011212121225,5.446351010101013,78.05619318181822,73.14141414141416,8.182323232323233,27.52651515151515,8.841846274778883,2.4107666666666656,397,15,70,8,8,136,70,99,0.10099999999999999,0.863,0.036000000000000004,-0.6451,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,6,0,11,4,2,2,1,16,14,9,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,7,1,8,10,0,9,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,3,4,52,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336843663437183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096003073137327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11683184754527487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15250890432395006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104451076573574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602322208094752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229934737772251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7165255575236998,0.0,0.1220381935782053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376102697335788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14987873308661895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589391626007212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442253323836516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4814876572476634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795763992271301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15510946793774982,0.0,0.11357564845855345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006050126325066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841644126343046 ptsd,HoneyHopScotch,2019/02/15,"How do I deal w my partners ptsd related anger and isolation? I have been w my boyfriend for 2 years. We plan to get married, buy a house - the whole package. He has two kids that live with us full time (mom has been mia for years) and they are a delight. He is rated at 80% disabled from the VA with the majority of that rating from PTSD. Additionally, he had a horrible first marriage that ended 5 years ago and his ex wife completely abandoned them - which I believe he also has some trauma from that he hasn’t completely worked through out. He is normally wonderful but when something stressful happens he completely turns. It’s like he snaps. I could say the smallest, most insignificant thing that sets him off during these stressful times and then all of that negativity is turned towards me. He will yell (I have asked countless times not to be yelled at), not admit fault, and then isolate and give me the silent treatment (even though we live together) for days. Eventually he will come around but it is after days and days of what I consider to be emotional abuse. Guys - I have never done one intentionally mean or disrespectful thing to my boyfriend ever yet he treats me like this seemingly on a whim. He has recently sought counseling because he knows something is wrong. He has been seeing a counselor for the past month on a weekly basis. But on this Tuesday I come home from work, excited about an idea I had, and when I told him he completely snapped - yelled, screamed, accused me of meaning something that I completely didn’t mean. It’s now Thursday and he still is “punishing” me. He has said “I know what I did was not okay and I’m trying to work through it” but no apology, still the silent treatment, sleeping on the couch, etc. I know this is a mental illness caused by experiences out of his control. I know this is not him. I know he is trying to get help. But how tf do I support him in getting healthier when his ptsd causes such destruction and heartache? Tl;dr: how do I support my boyfriend in recovering from ptsd when the symptoms of it are incredibly hurtful?",5.168610160568568,6.762153847328245,5.3084039659559545,81.14106870229006,69.05089058524173,8.575905940159691,32.12678775116259,9.035553425615538,2.7469805913836978,1654,73,310,31,29,520,208,393,0.16899999999999998,0.757,0.07400000000000001,-0.9918,0,1,3,0,1,0,47.0,3,0,2,6,18,18,3,2,17,1,38,3,1,7,3,58,65,28,0,2,10,3,0,2,1,2,2,6,2,3,22,21,0,2,12,0,1,2,9,11,0,3,11,7,39,7,41,49,7,48,0,2,1,0,46,14,0,5,33,208,61,3,0.0,0.0914023488105614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838299526459805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169157232203041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686740071910771,0.07211869254314326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04702591831566046,0.0,0.0,0.08691422743892614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849510349325294,0.0,0.13290446672210124,0.4044170881001747,0.0,0.08652291529310305,0.061592750860400024,0.0,0.0,0.1492533894179931,0.07953148797061167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894451152147727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677597443410454,0.0683261807354149,0.0,0.08603531531003579,0.050952507315567566,0.069780648099913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546107625222148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561816132193754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209127730675499,0.07400300650846693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638412320972553,0.06821767951881194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051707614363348885,0.0,0.0773811492051848,0.0,0.0,0.08901315962253492,0.08258363629214324,0.0870855414414411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211980055592397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537676551531529,0.0,0.13623812232860122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25209542874589524,0.0,0.0,0.07774243213143582,0.0,0.0,0.0903494517182837,0.06157514905839925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949776820745046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755841813459591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227438399657781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07364213196756082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607061612530867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761698295119006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338106667251759,0.061347551073080174,0.0,0.0,0.06147332514138405,0.07022848048194412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719914108921762,0.0,0.0,0.1781663416566309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321368414296645,0.0,0.1767350746208132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17508289813851965,0.0,0.08018156045085595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250133282855814,0.0,0.07579302734080329,0.0,0.1349488615106378,0.0,0.0,0.07371385234467033,0.0,0.10475064896381196,0.16781979697695734,0.07535792078108508,0.0,0.09279404670002986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061879805545845226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612788355837828,0.0,0.0,0.08365875806181264,0.1684840053171809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434422946305192,0.0,0.14903351714085508 ptsd,daedalia_planum,2019/02/15,"Spending the 14th missing my girlfriend, murdered two years ago, seeking some support Hey everyone. Title basically says it. I got home from classes and it really just hit me right in the chest. I want to ask if any of my friends are free but at the same time I want to be alone. Is that weird? I just kinda want the company of someone without any expectations. My best friend is busy right now, which makes me a kinda sad. My friends never seems to realize that days like this are going to be difficult for me. Idk if it’s because they haven’t been through trauma or what. I just wish someone would take the time to reach out without me asking. It would mean a lot more. I feel like if I ask right now I’ll be burdening them and I won’t be any fun. Anyways I’m sad. And I don’t really know what to do right now.",1.3910461430081045,3.5448344730538928,2.8675237759774603,92.00064459316664,81.51497005988024,6.085100387460374,23.595984501585068,7.285733465282438,0.8944402254314898,635,23,138,9,17,207,102,167,0.14400000000000002,0.65,0.20600000000000002,0.9017,0,1,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,2,1,7,17,1,0,7,0,15,1,1,1,1,33,34,8,1,10,10,0,1,2,4,3,0,1,1,0,10,4,0,0,5,0,2,1,6,8,0,1,2,2,19,10,16,24,5,17,0,3,0,0,11,7,0,9,11,89,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131120339117756,0.0,0.0,0.1321578435149565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603224957375905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35787370668901136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778537992773665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339110895265431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229314115286347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192978289289008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451972462443502,0.0911593455923298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957564301894894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251951620657908,0.0,0.10205548130352614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799584369127998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012706929262122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246804007946436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848319436951866,0.0,0.0,0.08517574751942954,0.0,0.0,0.1389966739293132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984150160301648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349102665557358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4358878010975494,0.0,0.10147473433318642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11616464349227752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21623459152930055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14480195430887136,0.0,0.0,0.09594129870509052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881224141063756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12464922979651667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257900147644163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673672908861404,0.2460087669225489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18129049694181126,0.0,0.0,0.08217191120687245 ptsd,firebreather209,2019/02/15,"Anyone else? I got diagnosed with PTSD about a year and a half ago, and while some days are better than others, there are still some bad days. I haven't been able to afford to see my psychiatrist in some time, but my question is this - does it ever get better? Some days this just feels like a death sentence. ",4.803360655737702,5.489277491803278,4.672254098360657,88.7267418032787,69.1639344262295,7.411475409836067,21.807377049180328,7.1686216300943375,0.4257836065573768,241,4,51,2,4,74,47,61,0.113,0.726,0.161,0.3094,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,12,9,4,1,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,2,4,3,6,7,4,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,5,10,35,8,0,0.21941242733625727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944958782452735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534182707865517,0.22481396076705645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832002119625624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3881049232342784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245085922839769,0.0,0.0,0.22269899515098948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19200929375621434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329092865170574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984711021241741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094151586700704,0.15674828192969814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463393736921887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754841618474953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071938290467004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25648138601542114,0.0,0.2457921335095634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484329716426647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522304789732182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12794115084777216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129440948554514 ptsd,yashunnyqueen,2019/02/15,"triggers/anniversary time ruining my relationship/friendships I have been feeling terrible lately and I realized it’s because it’s been the 2 year mark of when I got out of an abusive “relationship” which only lasted 3 months but felt like a lifetime. I’m super set off, I noticed when I kept apologizing to friends and just trying to act annoying so the people in my life would dump me. I keep carrying the blame for what happened to me, I keep hearing the abusers voice telling me “no one will love you ever again after what I’ve done to you” and what’s my luck, after getting out of the abuse I met someone who’s really great but sadly after going out a few times I also pushed them away. For some reason they talked to me still and didn’t judge me, I always wondered why. I went and got intense counselling/therapy and did my own healing for over a year, at that point we still spoke, I still couldn’t get why. We started going out again for a few months but recently agreed on putting things on hold which was fine. But then the anniversary dates came up and I was triggered a lot, so I took the whole break thing out of proportion and I apologized to them cause in my ptsd mindset, silence equals punishment. I know it’s irrational and I know I’m cared about but I guess it’s hard to accept. I’m very shocked that even after that they still talk to me as normal. I’m waiting for my therapist to return my voicemail to make an appointment cause I can’t deal with this alone anymore, I’ve been crying a lot and not knowing how to cope healthily. I feel bad for hiding my symptoms but in the start I was handling it fairly well, regulating my feelings and was stable. I’m worried that things are irreparable because of my apologizing and taking constant blame :( has anyone experienced similar? What kind of therapy and work is necessary to push past this? I know I’m pushing this person away but I don’t actually want to, and I realize I’m doing it too. I feel so bad and embarrassed about it ",3.9764196010834776,5.669010913486009,4.877348764672085,82.67428958384635,72.18066157760813,8.02262168595584,28.962406632192398,8.654491914285503,2.2469037018796687,1591,64,305,29,31,517,212,393,0.187,0.69,0.12300000000000001,-0.9786,0,1,0,0,2,0,30.0,2,2,4,2,23,21,3,1,16,0,20,4,0,6,1,67,62,31,0,4,9,0,6,1,1,2,3,3,0,1,24,24,0,5,14,0,0,10,6,10,1,1,19,10,49,11,49,40,8,58,0,2,0,1,23,17,0,6,30,210,73,1,0.0,0.3102466495730805,0.08517517868100008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039839933352566,0.0,0.0697998241433732,0.07262607411991319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656083662817235,0.06102998876744002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640096588218946,0.0,0.1457545678353179,0.10641326538022336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09982798549650458,0.08899037736642344,0.17932644500720812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943214294542524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587578331026833,0.0,0.08998447705679727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932035307059029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057649301459293735,0.07895206399602801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765307204283707,0.0,0.08380493626316536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743428204396038,0.0,0.09120306041963436,0.0,0.09920936981352163,0.0,0.13961565818085156,0.09622932011978312,0.09615156975651662,0.0,0.07718367119947236,0.0,0.07818802125589408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983737779764266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551614826459276,0.0,0.0908913450007922,0.1918728285933861,0.07114692814799893,0.09845851878473068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061650246707668374,0.04264184538855115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840900645420094,0.07877590961288915,0.0,0.058261780254620726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933619825550927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551836770230556,0.0,0.09937176231008968,0.0,0.0,0.05914491514526218,0.06638231279835151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332107072983823,0.06051073065582259,0.07621175649845986,0.0,0.0,0.08251022248667178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202863079689144,0.08774307090856426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591543688205699,0.08974099885733706,0.08618098882629349,0.18741758942370215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739542218414578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1235580770452786,0.0,0.2788158304781924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907199899168787,0.06562561556884297,0.14030881586141375,0.07628879631796393,0.0,0.19963040661543047,0.10134176849469127,0.17395994468777184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017903142709302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969741252065457,0.0592591224487829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201724517486488,0.05148150972940276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847749516058464,0.08091179880961462,0.15751785188462478,0.0974478506534824,0.0,0.0,0.09465420285101496,0.0635427363331591,0.08863966688297803,0.0,0.062003019654540865,0.0,0.0,0.11241420177134183 ptsd,dkimball50,2019/02/11,"Any links to the verbiage used here? I’ve seen some terms like “brain zaps” and a few others I’m not familiar with, is there a glossary of some sort for this reddit? Also, can someone explain the difference between PTSD and C-PTSD?",3.244333333333333,5.34994626666667,3.744166666666669,88.25625000000002,75.22222222222223,6.277777777777778,26.805555555555557,7.1686216300943375,1.3402222222222218,182,7,35,2,4,57,39,45,0.0,0.9279999999999999,0.07200000000000001,0.466,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,1,0,10,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,22,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455329481187548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20879192176910166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34274865143617056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207825280174397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000006289369874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7178066942009371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26014676021623606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651766024571359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_slothattack_,2019/02/11,"Nightmares and marijuana I'm looking for advice on how people use marijuana to treat nightmares and sleep problems. I have a medical card so accessing it isn't an issue. I've noticed in the past that I hardly dream after I smoke, but I often feel like I still didn't sleep great and I honestly don't like being high every night. I use it pretty infrequently, but I'd rather use this than take the Ativan I am prescribed. I'm just curious how long before bed and what type of marijuana helps people. I honestly don't know a ton about it, so just looking for some help to stop the nightmares. ",4.92378205128205,5.946813803418803,6.149647435897435,77.02139423076926,69.08547008547009,8.926923076923078,29.15491452991453,9.188382445141503,2.483804273504273,473,17,88,9,8,159,75,117,0.07200000000000001,0.675,0.253,0.9713,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,6,0,7,3,2,5,0,20,17,10,0,2,5,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,4,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,4,9,6,10,15,2,9,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,2,8,55,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604617252037895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14459142076808784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431669246959025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591785543537174,0.1213925744689036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18734001186043756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522170665987279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277907644554432,0.17953231238657322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773548061693528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338489022793917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603097290718172,0.0,0.0,0.15037594954773364,0.28538398807823234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117891017315198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594606325851166,0.0,0.0,0.19345774350885786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221012846523505,0.23560555108639986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728721376143368,0.0,0.16259275875404156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400901700945844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570022349644556,0.14206270922480144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12776047449687894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4402751083782587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kknives,2019/02/11,"Help With An Art Project? I'm working on an art show for a community association that I'm in, and here is my idea: I'm going to collect used/worn shoes. Inside of each pair will be a little note with an individual's personal story of mental illness. The idea is to get visitors to my exhibition to ""walk in one's shoes"" for a day. I'm hoping to reduce the stigma surrounding mental illnesses of all types from all walks of life. If you're willing to participate, just reply here with your own story (e.g., your personal struggles, triumphs, diagnoses). Of course, you can be completely anonymous, or you can even DM me with your story if that makes you feel more comfortable. Any help I can get would be greatly appreciated. :)",5.060869565217395,6.51196175362319,6.465913043478262,73.28452173913044,69.14492753623188,9.577971014492757,30.46666666666667,9.888512548439397,3.0927223188405812,574,23,104,14,10,195,87,138,0.057,0.794,0.149,0.9264,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,6,0,2,4,5,0,1,8,0,11,6,2,1,2,18,21,4,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,3,3,0,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,10,4,21,15,5,9,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,4,1,66,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337290901437486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20618431816436825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682331037426034,0.0,0.0,0.1995961280555868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988580711286649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943240647609927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054835499113932,0.0,0.1117610165709194,0.0,0.0,0.21680788136705995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26362138309972605,0.0,0.0,0.19531832781053388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44398897851790864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389000707664593,0.0,0.19709547283062012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312657423533088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3963549225073618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332554748419408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434152801064305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055818103176207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316391328037345,0.0,0.0,0.13969488003165864,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thestufficantpost,2019/02/11,"You're doing great. I was diagnosed with Cptsd a while ago and I'm not gonna swamp you with methods of how to better control your triggers or your anxiety or trust issues. What I am going to say is that you're doing great. I don't know what you went through our what you're going through but I want to tell you I understand you. I'm really proud that were in this together and if there's something we all can relate to, it's that if you're going through hell.. Then keep going. Don't give up the good fight. Please ",1.1546371976647194,3.2223072660550507,2.5644537114261894,94.32589658048374,81.8440366972477,5.7984987489574635,20.00083402835696,6.980632752743323,0.2483137614678901,408,11,91,5,11,132,70,109,0.044000000000000004,0.754,0.203,0.9459,0,0,2,0,1,0,9.0,2,6,0,3,2,8,2,0,2,0,9,1,0,3,1,19,22,10,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,5,0,2,2,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,3,1,13,6,12,18,1,10,1,0,0,0,12,2,1,4,3,57,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802994614510142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559840132996378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1798884101733608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281274017050019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20644400926980147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19511725345760064,0.4623815615209478,0.17060003094410925,0.0,0.44849255049919823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122939690572896,0.0,0.18078889314734664,0.0,0.0,0.1117818537014324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22326919013330224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303015383892083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16174972121382344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658520233522738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777782322091012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21174379454260772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199690155419814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885513633912798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cptsdthroaway,2019/02/11,"can someone tell me what this is? **TRIGGER WARNING** i had a flashback where i experienced something physically happening to me that must’ve happened when i was a child... and in the present i could feel it in my hand and then in my mouth. without getting into too much detail. is there a term for this kind of physical sensation regarding flashbacks so i can learn about them? thank you. ",2.252916666666668,5.160882902777779,3.1152222222222257,85.55200000000005,88.02777777777777,6.213333333333335,29.42222222222221,7.554174236665415,2.3256455555555564,307,16,55,6,10,97,58,72,0.0,0.91,0.09,0.7236,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,7,2,2,1,0,8,12,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,11,2,9,9,2,9,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,45,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554341330356795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16176372627926794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714764280973524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5658173594190525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33315272533153306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23518173490444705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710714706228598,0.24629394629219745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27962860936176465,0.2945440179161385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083963475232198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,peaceinquiet,2019/02/11,"Invited to my abusive big brother’s wedding, family pushing me to attend | TW: sexual abuse The primary source of my C-PTSD is my older brother. In 2013, I came out to my family about the abuse. While initially supportive, my mom ultimately has taken the side of my brother. Despite admitting to sexually abusing me, he tried to minimize the situation by likening it to “playing doctor”. This is essentially a blatant lie as he was plenty old enough to know what sex was and groomed me for it as well. As far as I know, my brother hasn’t disclosed to his fiancée. Because of this, my mother has made it her life’s mission to get me to bond with him and will not respect my wishes. It would be so easy to cut her out of my life, it is never that simple. Not only has she provided some support through my grad school career, she has pledged to help me with my own wedding. Also, I love my mom. Our relationship sucks sometimes, but I’m bonded to her and I don’t want to lose her. I’m stressed because I have the constant reminders/triggers of my brother (literally in the mail— he got my address from my mom and has sent me invites/save the dates) and this enormous pressure from my mom to be at his wedding and invite him to mine. I need some support/advice/encouragement. TL;DR, my mom’s sole mission in life is to pretend like my brother never abused me. Extra pressure put on by his impending wedding. ",5.1758191403081915,5.968043864963509,6.324038929440391,76.83480940794811,68.37956204379563,8.716626115166262,35.29521492295215,8.841846274778883,3.1340606650446063,1105,55,202,18,18,371,150,274,0.106,0.813,0.081,-0.8078,0,0,0,0,3,0,36.0,1,0,0,1,5,13,2,3,8,0,18,6,0,1,3,27,36,14,0,4,3,12,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,0,10,11,0,0,3,2,0,5,6,6,1,0,7,0,45,7,42,25,5,23,0,1,0,2,36,11,1,2,8,143,55,5,0.0,0.5461278545930167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372126969850343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239170202606684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543645249204844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09962053091799193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435648051037362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525298605738304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17380988731938715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048163483913040116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07372972437396758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179046570653514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132624772444128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953415149805985,0.04503752012145605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10313277589470002,0.0,0.0,0.08320164340798115,0.0872288100654679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5398368080543265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835489816002037,0.14219935888760427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673390802200907,0.0,0.0,0.07011175808932614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776073292816137,0.09267259157184136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897347755323742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329735454925617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362114965427738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117450759065568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055989790087853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31383541707826096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06258837757484699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05437380838455528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08288646364083613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600957883941957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0654864305200113,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,christmastree0320,2019/02/11,"I have a question. TW: being around males, being triggered. Hi, I am new to this community and I have a question that I have been to afraid to ask to my counselor. I have c-ptsd and one of my triggers is males. I can't be around them, close to them, and sometimes can't even have a conversation with them. However, there are some men that I can be around them for the most part with no problems. How come I'm ok around some people but not the majority of them? I understand if you can't answer this but it's worth a shot.",1.4772477064220162,3.277975853211012,3.0591651376146807,92.5439770642202,79.45871559633028,6.194862385321102,21.90917431192661,7.1686216300943375,0.4729845871559633,404,12,93,5,10,133,65,109,0.038,0.92,0.042,0.0946,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,5,0,7,3,0,1,6,1,17,0,0,3,0,26,21,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,11,0,0,4,0,1,1,5,2,0,1,1,0,16,1,14,16,5,7,0,0,0,0,14,5,0,6,1,74,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6835062010404436,0.17944771093309814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653482716134784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126781427694502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538689071587908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13007055754667207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20786357583842766,0.0,0.13307423731403945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836706076254132,0.22437974356512874,0.0,0.43005675182904496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18984385199482945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998271340374772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MyTakotsubo,2019/02/11,First responders? Any first responders or military folks in here? Not to take away from anyone else’s traumas but so far all I’ve seen on this sub is stuff related to abuse or childhood stuff. Any suggestions for another place to subscribe?,3.843863636363636,6.8954356590909125,3.9329090909090887,82.53936363636366,78.77272727272728,8.974545454545455,29.25454545454545,9.3871,3.3611327272727283,195,9,34,6,5,60,37,44,0.174,0.826,0.0,-0.857,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,2,1,8,0,0,1,0,3,5,0,2,3,21,3,0,0.0,0.28514812321142363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273202765120891,0.2523577515231711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682782403671099,0.2465892591142211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22611225519742265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010443397036791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40941826535146775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514432188785325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5510066339613391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094978114800225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,faderogue,2019/02/11,"anyone experience brain zaps while taking abilify? i was recently prescribed 2mg abilify and i noticed that since starting it i’ve been getting brain zaps. i’ve had the occasional brain zap here and there lately which i attributed to lingering discontinuation symptoms from cymbalta, which i stopped taking a couple months ago, but since starting abilify they have become more frequent. i can’t find anything on google or on here about it so i decided to ask— has anyone else experienced anything like this? is this a known side effect? should i report it somewhere?",6.785075757575758,9.307001787878793,6.876654040404045,67.80164772727275,66.47474747474747,9.798484848484847,35.607323232323225,10.125756701596842,4.306726262626263,463,23,68,12,8,148,71,99,0.016,0.937,0.047,0.5803,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,0,3,0,8,4,3,2,0,11,13,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,8,1,6,9,1,12,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,10,43,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573406450397008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299099433120065,0.16845113919844926,0.27058066709835665,0.0,0.15369537631917013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815710996886037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505870952399644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819096968646133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733829354180355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16081847996754153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026211061297085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589420903738759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545466687402007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031940078966175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312255584885731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717483569090645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162328935788668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719930731944217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327317361753802,0.0,0.0,0.13744895280317238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087851530281606,0.24722242064867914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MissTinkerBelle,2019/04/09,"Uncomfortable with PDA? Hi, I'm wanting to ask for some advice if that's okay! I'm not formally diagnosed with PTSD, but I'm getting EMDR for what happened. So the background situation is that I grew up with my stepdad and my mum since I was 12. When I was 17, he (who was 32 at the time) made sexual advances and since then, I'd been abused until I was 21. I finally left the situation when I was 21 and I just turned 23. He told me that he only loves me and not my mum, and he's always been very good with children. We were extremely close and I wasn't really close to my mum. My mum had been abused as a child, and I suspect she has borderline personality disorder because of the way that she treat me (it's very toxic and a lot of emotional blackmailing, and blaming me for what happened, then she'll say ""Oh but I really love you,no matter what"", then she'll revert back to ""but why did you betray me? I don't care that he did, but you're my daughter, how could you do that to me??""). So whilst the abuse was going on, in hindsight, I think she knew deep down but didn't want to confront anyone. She'd be very lovey dovey with my stepdad, and put her head on him when we're watching something. Say things like ""You mean nothing to him without me. I'm the one that he'll be with forever"". It's just a lot of public displays of affection, and I felt very uncomfortable, very left out and very hurt but I obviously couldn't say anything. Now, I'm in a relationship (long distance so I don't see him as much as I'd like) and my housemate recently got a girlfriend (it's his first relationship) and there's been a lot of just them cuddling, kissing, putting his hand around her waist, her stroking his cheek or something. And it's making me extremely uncomfortable. It *hurts* me, to see/hear any of this. But I can't say anything because it's his first relationship, he's having a hard time with everything else that's going on and he feels that his relationship is the only good thing going on right now. And I understand, that it's not even about them. This happens with any couple that I see around me, and I don't think it'll be a tonne better even if my boyfriend did live in the same city (we see each other once a month or so) because it's not about him either. I'm happy with him, I'm happy for my housemate, but everytime I see or hear them together, it hurts inside. It happens with other couples, but not as strongly because she's around a lot now so they're sort of ""in my face' a lot. I'm happy for them, I really am, but it also really hurts. Even though I know, it's not about *them* at all. It feels less painful when I'm also being cute with my boyfriend, but not a whole lot. I just feel kind of uncomfortable and it feels like a competition of ""who's a better couple?"". Sorry that this is so long, I'm just having a lot of trouble processing this. I'd tried to visualise it in the EMDR way, but, it still hurts. Maybe I need to do a proper session on just that but in the mean time I'm just asking for some advice :( Thanks",2.3796595509753398,3.9425273508772,3.9424840510366863,88.27299733161577,76.12918660287082,7.1197276407802725,23.85992516255675,7.882392219407189,1.0917000613421668,2367,74,516,36,52,788,235,627,0.127,0.75,0.122,0.3145,0,0,2,0,3,0,94.0,2,3,5,6,36,28,1,0,26,1,40,12,5,4,2,109,91,59,0,7,34,5,8,3,1,4,3,5,0,3,43,39,1,0,13,0,0,7,15,8,0,3,22,18,76,20,64,58,16,58,0,5,5,4,65,25,0,15,27,341,119,1,0.0,0.19832524186746844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090452195961712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923910717224638,0.046426234531579104,0.0,0.0,0.07588555762561193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039013434311464826,0.0,0.0918297045332079,0.1490091804359068,0.10432231649705556,0.0,0.0,0.04290321121365268,0.0,0.13604940858172668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09869297738091748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05688711913362944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04454807916365818,0.18520961486946136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056631146825010005,0.0,0.0,0.06394635134389451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046609889214495895,0.0627623044042258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055698752400396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05014529923068802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128473035056842,0.03986023808733543,0.05357232471954529,0.06112112298299679,0.0,0.09491906123071904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029150788641339718,0.0,0.09512941859740084,0.09359705263348947,0.044624670750361785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19735871803829091,0.1781856919415837,0.04998171051339997,0.0,0.05726216757425906,0.0,0.12577092024966893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986505973327506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810231312971999,0.030663687416884536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124370996235488,0.0,0.0,0.08177642832240332,0.0,0.0492683519880318,0.09875432954290388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320467199015607,0.10071503656077947,0.05279494752175869,0.0372438563849991,0.0,0.05605396911920065,0.1215550743628052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04453534833968945,0.0,0.04101603188210695,0.0413715750393124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05353718194866978,0.0,0.0,0.05942026986679767,0.037808400566311226,0.08486981735062278,0.05937022930842225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048718382814127034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522182562823678,0.11217955638896507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429758233846381,0.0,0.055091216865264345,0.2396134740137981,0.0,0.047648958585150634,0.0,0.17748293580160382,0.0,0.0,0.22230851168334145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230904711105516,0.12543271320647315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590803497214687,0.0,0.062458371575086075,0.0,0.0,0.04455827088878942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136889918105531,0.0,0.0,0.0741359563494162,0.07150286656500215,0.05481868783039258,0.0,0.09760422260156856,0.0,0.0,0.05331488663578837,0.0,0.03788140761127028,0.06068936276204814,0.0,0.05808496919063299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762222429332525,0.06581913379458547,0.08857556775824668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05034666146507983,0.0622935608713621,0.0,0.05378476533255022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Matt2005USAF,2019/04/09,"Survey for Arizona State University Research Paper Hello everyone. I am a military veteran that is attending college at Arizona State University for my bachelors in electrical engineering. In my English class I am currently writing a 2-part project on a problem/solution to a problem in my community (Denver). I chose to write about the local VA hospital that went over budget and cut the PTSD care facility in order to complete the project. I see this as a problem, especially knowing veterans that suffer from PTSD. I know of people that are leaving the state to get the care that they feel they need because the VA is unable to give them the care they deserve. Denver is also looking into making medical grade magic mushrooms and medical grade MDMA legal for treatment of depression and symptoms of PTSD. This survey is only asking for some bits of information as well as your opinion on new experimental treatments that are on the rise. Please do me a favor and help me complete this project. I appreciate anybody and everybody taking the time to read this. Thanks! [https://forms.gle/2tYFZuvyQCbhdDk37](https://forms.gle/2tYFZuvyQCbhdDk37)",9.264627594627594,11.407795470899472,9.309629629629633,54.211794871794865,59.8994708994709,10.894749694749697,40.46438746438746,10.891193690592663,5.299375742775744,940,49,120,24,13,308,113,189,0.07200000000000001,0.7929999999999999,0.134,0.8902,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,4,0,3,11,1,0,15,0,9,3,0,2,0,19,25,9,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,6,0,0,4,1,1,3,0,5,1,0,1,3,16,6,29,24,2,21,0,2,2,0,12,11,0,2,3,87,26,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365934696362693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117986771141474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901688673973789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415145810636595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.396477405941687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27181418579876426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164397146692352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386018881695865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554120810188609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772258956386695,0.12434604986187585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688346456745635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424746577527204,0.0,0.0,0.13725188294871615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885054833364204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652425945554043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26116277035689905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611370143258363,0.0,0.12519055704620394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09858401907256996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403689157757673,0.0,0.0898641637146589,0.0,0.0,0.14228696518101164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720946868386749,0.4545665280592058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965792859721986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329262977080908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472777369774047,0.0974602520484737,0.0,0.0,0.11933930564927553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558412670835317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165465099593625,0.1201616813393262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Juxocyde,2019/04/09,"Can't post on r/Veterans But I get to watch what others post, specifically about a Vet who just shot himself at a VA, and have no way of providing my support to the witnesses. What is plenty contradictory is the amount of replies stating we are all here for each other, and to speak out when needed. Yet anytime I try and post, something went wrong. Got no way of reaching mods through mobile since it looks like my messages to and from the mods are no longer there.",6.768791208791207,6.415994010989014,6.549758241758244,80.5202417582418,64.93406593406593,9.477802197802195,33.58461538461537,8.841846274778883,2.5674905494505493,369,14,74,5,5,116,69,91,0.126,0.8009999999999999,0.073,-0.6249,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,0,1,11,12,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,3,6,2,14,10,3,12,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,3,52,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225826588534895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871556522456111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432331431354235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650576514635806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351218464391652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6723380286408995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193571847475203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18014894057476674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26554677768375423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887443941335222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3714855006898975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21692553224887454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558483848309684,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GHOSTLYHUMAN,2019/04/09,"PTSD after a car accident? I'm sure this gets posted a lot and I'm certain that this is nothing as extreme in comparison to the typical situations on here, but here it goes: I own a business that requires I drive anywhere from 50 to 150 miles a day. I spend quite a bit of time on the road. Well around a year and a half ago I had a car cross over a double yellow right into me head on. I have a decent sized truck, they were in a small compact car. My truck was repaired from the accident and returned to me. Flash forward about two months later, I'm driving home from work and the wheel comes off my truck. Turns out when they were putting everything back together from the accident they didn't attach a part tightly enough (the carrier bolt on upper control arm for you car people). They fixed it, but ever since then I haven't been able the drive the same. I've taken my truck into the shop once a month for every small noise and rattle for the last year and a half. I've had the suspension rebuilt twice. Had my truck checked by a dozen mechanics, all telling me it looks pristine. But once I get on the highway I always am going at least 10-15 under the speed limit, white knuckle driving. I don't fear other cars on the road, or even my truck specifically, just whatever car I'm driving. I've driven at least 40,000 miles a year for the last decade, but now I feel like I can't trust whatever car I drive.",4.016538461538467,4.971115094405597,4.7163706293706325,86.71840209790211,71.13286713286713,7.678041958041959,26.88741258741259,7.908726449838941,1.4431627972027965,1111,36,232,14,20,357,163,286,0.053,0.9,0.048,-0.5205,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,4,6,11,6,0,1,31,0,14,2,2,1,4,28,27,14,0,0,6,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,8,11,0,4,1,1,3,20,4,1,1,5,10,5,25,5,33,17,10,65,0,0,3,0,6,26,0,2,21,146,33,2,0.1457065148320072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916003397053807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123949264576946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970968977552916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120393159794046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907377654006935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125513260791237,0.0,0.0,0.16342224606052966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396864806742364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055377962800387,0.0,0.09623777885567117,0.13179988452095334,0.12276402301642078,0.0,0.13095162032069546,0.0,0.0,0.16396033800842225,0.07367359188998049,0.1040927633095242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225128037020136,0.0,0.08280837018698166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14953692054818613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146155514559555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375405135551257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118484322657016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235677533540253,0.0,0.0,0.12387446839589375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326031000353415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398093307077471,0.0,0.0,0.31034536589974954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778595656684768,0.0,0.10101455122334936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954656420824887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703231185639149,0.14647529181560584,0.0,0.1549768138932628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12443256753966285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052993475861483,0.1637802275348332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732666586339382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735391623778228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496264053929667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584868474582167,0.14233409300620334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100765548294074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060760781539174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814906551282191 ptsd,sandyloam333,2019/04/09,"feeling like a husk of a husk i've been technically homeless since late january. we were evicted because the homeowner wanted to renovations and didnt give us much notice to have time too for a place (last time it took 5 months to find one, our city and country is in a housing crisis). i stated in motels then a hostel with my mom and younger brother (16, im 23) and now we are in a temp house with the salvation army which is nicer, but the neighbours stomp around upstairs, yell and are generally loud while saying us making average noise eg. talking, my brother sings but not loud at all. the walls are just thin. the neighbour came to our door a few times and was aggressive about us making average living sounds, saying he'll get us kicked out. he can't though, the police have him on a file etc and hes been talked to by his landlord and sa. my mum is emotionally abusive and has been for years, ever since we were evicted my health has rapidly declined and i had to ask my siblings if i could stay with them for a bit because i wanted to die so bad. wasnt able to stay long and am back with my mum and brother. thinking back to early-mid january i was happier and even thought about getting a part time job. i could relax and do stuff. now i feel kind of empty and losing stability. i dont know... i just feel dissolved and guilt is killing me. i can barely deal with things. my mum yells at me or gets angry regularly. a lot of things to explain. its just not good i dont feel good she commented that i age regress ... what do you think is the cause of that?? she doesnt take responsibility for the things she does ive tried for months to get into my own place but havent been successful yet... thank you for reading",3.104209551255664,4.704195599423635,4.069727254013998,87.95769092219022,74.27377521613832,6.9167970358172095,25.64934129271305,7.5804360353943165,1.1881231782626591,1351,46,284,17,28,436,198,347,0.13699999999999998,0.816,0.046,-0.9895,3,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,9,2,1,2,16,12,2,1,19,0,36,1,0,3,2,59,60,25,2,5,10,7,5,1,2,1,1,7,2,0,10,28,0,0,10,4,0,2,9,5,0,1,14,12,41,7,38,43,8,37,0,1,0,0,38,13,0,3,20,188,51,3,0.08897592718414314,0.10542192426192656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920743918589747,0.08318048104989087,0.0,0.0,0.1368339916967786,0.07429118267179817,0.10847779873351053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971386679219832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017647572411982,0.0,0.09140278676526332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208007563889918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173027400699957,0.0,0.0,0.0923429649298806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786343347703605,0.0,0.20855824800337594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008594224976852,0.0,0.0,0.09923167853447483,0.05876776075317175,0.08048382010602287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799556088471403,0.06356442015858274,0.0,0.0,0.08132238551147533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859449984309941,0.08535381692936324,0.0,0.14925757257557354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457724989481284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053325476676888,0.0,0.0,0.09610926970463704,0.0,0.08829487851947207,0.0,0.09843868054890154,0.09265473617771723,0.04889884265888462,0.07252725611388396,0.10036872138231118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04346914367449154,0.0,0.07856737381815139,0.07874089564882354,0.0,0.0995413033583101,0.0,0.07564415148269217,0.0,0.0,0.11878424460962628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10420753055145687,0.14203947239704495,0.0,0.0654075441817401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129968282762164,0.0,0.0,0.06029239097507001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963522584996196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18592181269335267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900000533366845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14151445705810212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472036128371694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896729995089644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018561493217716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06689882405171184,0.14303095984478925,0.0,0.08191707945833672,0.0,0.0,0.17733495725467913,0.11402436289824733,0.08741839670296342,0.0706369474766987,0.20753031466610505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885552895051884,0.0604088140247805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4281083403422504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496061427998056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729757991622615 ptsd,Eloise623,2019/04/09,"PTSD from relationship? I recently had a horrible breakup and am still reeling from it. The relationship was full of turmoil and chaos and what I’ve now come to realize as like...emotional torture. In the end I was cheated on and discarded and feel absolutely ruined. I can barely get out of bed in the morning, choosing instead to lay there numbly under the covers. I cry myself to sleep and at night my ex infiltrates my dreams. In the day time I’m plagued by what I can only describe as intrusive or obsessive thoughts. I don’t want to think of things but they keep popping into my head. My heart constantly feels heavy like it’s sinking. I feel like I will never ever trust or date again. I can’t even look people in the eye anymore, which is something my psychiatrist pointed out. I was put on prozac which I started Saturday morning and it’s only been a few days so obviously I don’t notice a difference. Could I be traumatized by the mental abuse and subsequent breakup? I feel like I’m dying. No advice from my therapist seems to help and I’ve been doing all the “homework” she gives me I’m desperate 😭 Thanks guys",3.097402795980777,5.488800426605509,4.426461336828307,81.81668195718656,76.8440366972477,7.822105723023154,28.72957623416339,8.704169506293173,2.5257411096548714,895,40,166,20,21,295,138,218,0.17300000000000001,0.738,0.08900000000000001,-0.9424,0,0,1,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,8,10,2,2,11,0,17,5,4,0,4,32,35,15,1,2,3,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,8,13,0,1,9,1,0,2,5,5,0,0,7,6,24,5,26,25,3,30,0,1,2,0,8,13,0,3,18,111,32,1,0.0,0.1610499664932844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282521778507572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13480196989505944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708812842853886,0.0,0.1468876109454439,0.0,0.1085257719454848,0.0,0.1493082201940002,0.17532192317869955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106962581045215,0.14201363669970993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289834404583508,0.12039000377177593,0.0,0.0,0.08977777598394504,0.1229527597990141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749128796312193,0.19421098236208048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101567339185977,0.1303925104079358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345880127111544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13949918954839755,0.0,0.0,0.16107284771887873,0.0911082665711844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12081718665887822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26562611833474004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414352343536377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698133858489492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483443479220417,0.0,0.0,0.1275572506717345,0.0,0.0,0.15475253975287911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20675554627195933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423390542345404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849391203854205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889010495816291,0.13664307397956446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342104294947104,0.2918670986952537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374183569322555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360240655466857,0.0,0.0,0.10464239970281072,0.0,0.0,0.09620905267872733,0.0,0.10855060050954612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514230786771405,0.0,0.15782044811345192,0.09030312914479956,0.08709582922502633,0.0,0.10790998270953324,0.07925948624376351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801726184152489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mrgrinchisameansong,2019/04/09,Inpatient recommendations Hi all! I’m looking for an inpatient facility. It’s hard because there don’t seem to be too many that take my insurance. I’m willing to go to any state. Please share facilities that you have/haven’t had success with.,2.403619047619049,5.337411266666667,3.9615873015873007,78.11,91.88888888888887,7.904761904761906,30.87301587301588,8.418075326091056,3.4069682539682544,197,11,35,6,7,65,39,45,0.031,0.784,0.185,0.7959,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,2,5,7,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,18,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711134114087262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24302924321058594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265768086246533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35713546738853497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347875052546025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4041949791168746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4376266250601581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629397378014089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997548027482826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Bananasyrupx,2019/04/09,I got a question. So I’ve been diagnosed with c-ptsd for a while. I’ve got the textbook symptoms as well as some other weird stuff. But I don’t remember my trauma and I wondered if that’s normal? And I still get so confused as to how someone can be diagnosed with c-ptsd if they can’t even remember what happened. People think I’m some attention seeking whore because I can’t remember what happened. How is this possible? What if I’m just crazy?,1.4941758241758234,3.885726824175826,3.3897692307692324,86.96773076923077,82.95604395604394,6.716923076923077,27.78131868131868,7.908726449838941,2.0425639560439564,355,17,70,7,10,119,59,91,0.174,0.802,0.025,-0.9124,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,1,3,0,7,4,0,2,0,22,16,14,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,0,7,1,7,12,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,8,2,48,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887430054741476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292547958799659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713014657464054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474167928739136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594488666196716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28686203646741065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589194497567506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244756277010898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285369901121415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379201200895688,0.0,0.1816987065718986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5512156177495704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13742970730153786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295314081452914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18567772646979647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858566489149254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392982950018187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14583534139265306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589664347442416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MitchSorenstein69,2019/04/09,"NSFW: Diagnosed with PTSD. Root trauma from five years ago. I had a group of friends since 2004, and remained friends with them up until 2014 when I finally cut communications with them. They were a very toxic group of racist, sexist, and narcissistic people. The abuse all started in 2009 when I first entered college. I was on and off about them, but taking advice from other friends that no friends group always have easy times, I kept forgiving them. 1. The ""leader"" is a cynical person who believes he can do no wrong and talks behind everyone's backs. He often shot down people when they were excited about a movie or an activity. For example, if I was excited about a new movie from a franchise coming out, he would go like ""You're not even a fan of this franchise, why are you so excited?"". On days where he was actually nice, he'd make this sinister condescending ""laugh"" like ""Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha."" I later found out he told everyone that I was clinically insane. 2. There's the leader's favorite, who was nice during one on one hangouts, but whenever the leader wass around, he berated me together with him. He would often write Facebook statuses tagging me, trying to shame me on social media over things he puts out of context, or things he completely made up. Whenever I confronted him about this, he'd seem apologetic and say it was a joke, only for him to do it again the next day. He would drop n-bombs in public, without any concern that people are listening to him. 3. There's the white supremecist (with only Asians being exempt), who does this thing where he calls you out over something innocuous you wrote on social media, and keeps egging you on until you get angry. He also attacked people that comment on my statuses. He would join in with the n-bombs with the leader's favorite. 4. There's the condescending smart guy, who's now a doctor, but he would be generally very verbally abuse and make statements like ""go kill yourself no one loves you"" 5. There's the quiet guy, who makes absolutely no contribution to the group, yet everyone treated him with respect. He knew my relationship with the rest of the group, so one day when he found out I was dating someone he liked, he gave me the silent treatment and manipulated the situation where he got the rest of the group to bag on me. That was what made me finally leave. 6. The last was someone I considered my best friend, and had a fairly normal life. He was the only one I kept in more recent contact, but I noticed some of his personality traits were very similar to the group. He would do the same mocking laugh the leader did, the same type of criticism that the leader's favorite and the white supremecist did. And at a recent party, I found out he was trying to hit on girlfriends of my friends, and made a lot of people uncomfortable. After realizing all this, I realized he is just as bad as that old group and I cut him off. Over 5 years have passed since then, and I still think about this. I feel like I wasted so much of my potential and energy during college and feel this is part of why I'm struggling so much in the present. I think hanging out with the ""best friend"" in recent years triggered it even more, and I've been stuck in a rut for nearly a year since then. I don't know how to find peace with this.",5.277177606604504,6.363950841521393,5.8040216710279005,79.58737478347403,68.31854199683042,8.975948107470607,28.620535878819148,9.22739947703685,2.340321903217484,2595,88,492,49,43,838,282,631,0.13699999999999998,0.691,0.171,0.9853,0,0,1,0,2,0,90.0,0,6,6,3,33,43,7,2,42,4,41,5,0,10,2,93,75,40,1,8,10,0,2,5,8,6,4,3,0,4,28,37,0,3,15,2,2,7,7,12,0,7,33,7,53,31,83,31,15,82,0,0,2,1,85,37,0,8,42,325,81,6,0.0,0.1547041565705163,0.0637087662190042,0.0,0.0,0.06379577014563408,0.0578712349509822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052208410329636606,0.05432237007495402,0.0,0.0,0.04439605522906197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0581175128378405,0.0,0.07427113997025958,0.0,0.050200153867027114,0.05451026831625327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355386609257153,0.1370252104312273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666633090928606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623726768584187,0.06845010585768715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631031929528172,0.0,0.0,0.06626292540491792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0668219887136039,0.057131364695169676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08624028563801116,0.0,0.0,0.1871479152824808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602013974261385,0.04663963438997352,0.0,0.14303310598324318,0.05966932945369693,0.05553140830143221,0.0,0.21474497825101488,0.3530733346838733,0.0,0.03410873064612853,0.0,0.07420596758424282,0.0,0.05221439781693357,0.0,0.0,0.12928487626757312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058028329245457436,0.0722282065844071,0.0,0.035878941993232036,0.05321600826406312,0.0,0.06912741429883988,0.0,0.0,0.04611274335628621,0.1594748259455151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550299302802919,0.058922283309943674,0.18532280549786845,0.1307347819596395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598400927348016,0.0,0.0,0.06305268326605812,0.06943136396390022,0.0,0.06396546247096238,0.0,0.07432743284865186,0.06850565085838313,0.0,0.22119411020812352,0.14895660846169875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069731931572885,0.0,0.22630207842187225,0.11400873008049545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631469974872178,0.06562948124578673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19338325629653305,0.07009168383809583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051917271656212106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943303417019378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201334016295074,0.07338310262565946,0.0,0.13309972143234042,0.11063157842853592,0.0502596012282102,0.0,0.0,0.04620907620533881,0.0,0.05213670472186236,0.0,0.0,0.06825008227559748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908621343680602,0.05247362956324568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011740766745675,0.08366401492936218,0.0,0.0,0.038068222665743855,0.0,0.0,0.062382638427493586,0.0,0.08864849212872884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16160094669477845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178191599529435,0.0,0.0,0.06293243370409463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782596487766184,0.07137892543503115,0.0,0.16816566073007724 ptsd,Autobahn_V8s,2019/04/09,"PTSD, Divorce, and Family I will keep this short. Former Marine, S/C PTSD with extreme flat feeling and emotionless. Had pretty much everything thrown at me. Here are a few examples. 1. Never had a father figure in my life, I have been always missing that, finally got around to start a relationship with my dad (I'm 39yrs old), and turns out all he wanted was for me to buy him a car... so i told him to pack sand. Next, my 2 oldest children said they want nothing to do with me, and haven't talked to them in almost a year now, they don't take my calls or anything (I am not a druggy, alcoholic, never been arrested, hold a masters degree and a 120k a year job)... 3rd, my wife and i are getting a divorce at the moment after 10 yrs. I've been pretty much knocked down to the ground, so deep that i feel nothing. The only thing i have in this world is my passion for cars and even then i'm criticized left and right for having that passion. I think of ""quitting"" daily. I hide behind the occasional laughter. This sucks.",3.1737007389162564,4.6624780541871935,4.4714254926108365,85.60250769704435,73.8768472906404,7.045443349753692,25.002770935960587,7.645422480735847,1.2517194581280786,787,25,158,10,16,260,130,203,0.045,0.848,0.107,0.9012,1,0,2,0,2,0,39.0,0,0,3,2,6,4,1,0,14,0,17,4,0,0,3,27,34,12,0,2,2,3,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,7,13,1,2,4,0,1,2,5,2,0,0,9,4,23,2,23,24,4,30,0,1,0,2,17,14,1,2,14,106,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569902652897131,0.14709804383773467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12223166508141675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088529042123401,0.1307711787014821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000021646725611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702534790074707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202327267794473,0.0,0.13848322336469193,0.0,0.14855301045430935,0.0,0.0,0.16092058098694215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674862004248377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174884817724456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577450623288588,0.13057050522240005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596061009348772,0.0,0.10375904796005296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597520981686572,0.0,0.22659499851078466,0.0,0.15622866260200785,0.0,0.0,0.28190694159792307,0.0,0.15414570020329588,0.0,0.0,0.11172324435299716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988980152745856,0.0,0.0,0.34343394103032543,0.0,0.0,0.15624507821500974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577144592930932,0.0,0.1254508707419897,0.13973450764911835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397580810003744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104497022615906,0.11807178342055065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975931117225172,0.09412689319429607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403682084681385,0.0,0.0,0.15978383640158114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17328957213741727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18919616994059651 ptsd,pinkhidespider,2019/04/09,"Do you feel unappealing? So this is something that relates my lack of self esteem when it comes to a certain subject..needing acceptance from a sexual partner. Ever since I started to get back into having a sex life after 6 years, I have had a problem getting partners who can even get to doing the deed and it makes me very insecure..i am not asking for medical advice..i just wonder if anyone doubts their ability to have anyone finding you attractive or are you thinking they are just using you so it doesnt matter if they can't perform? It brings up horrible feelings that make me feel like I'm worthless after all of my assaults..ugh..am I alone on this feeling?",6.056686046511628,6.6130137674418625,6.889447674418608,74.38905523255815,66.36434108527132,8.93062015503876,34.7296511627907,8.841846274778883,3.1527279069767453,532,24,90,8,8,177,96,129,0.133,0.759,0.109,-0.4901,0,1,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,4,3,1,8,7,0,1,5,0,13,3,0,3,3,27,30,7,0,4,6,0,4,1,2,0,2,0,0,3,9,3,0,0,8,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,4,14,4,13,29,2,12,0,1,0,1,12,3,0,5,8,69,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043890198992558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759752314334073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18449013748120274,0.0,0.0,0.1517454673356542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999450816969647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13034394757000878,0.1785090786799679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39913252000561744,0.14098269769486085,0.0,0.0,0.18036897471550667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093125144097835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13939000683670866,0.09641238174478696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634575003898648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880346594724616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463281840953382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883169629676533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058729839645135,0.0,0.0,0.16324511728761368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192516534272593,0.0,0.0,0.13968120262144634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264501606734324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044198070770938,0.0,0.16282958841812228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21401130874769175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708316016764165 ptsd,Alienaura,2019/04/09,Exposure therapy My therapist wants me to start exposure therapy and it's terrifying me. She gave me some reading material but I am wondering if anyone here has gone through it? How did it go?,1.8491666666666653,4.584007805555559,5.105555555555559,69.14500000000001,95.94444444444444,11.288888888888893,33.77777777777778,9.725611199111238,5.669311111111113,155,10,26,8,6,56,30,36,0.076,0.924,0.0,-0.4039,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,9,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,0,2,6,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,20,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21664665438551414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17608866139314752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30992287754742626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193056606660264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.708655868701825,0.35974699549018313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182751087962526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360072119518491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Furicist,2019/04/09,"Do I have PTSD? Was in a terrorist attack nearly 2 years ago Hi there I was working as a stage hand on the night of the Ariana Grande concert the night the bombing happened. I was taking down the barriers nearby (but not in the lobby area) when the explosion happened. I was not directly injured. I was using a rattle gun (very loud) to undo alloy barriers bent down behind a barrier that rattles so hard when I use the gun on it that its all I can hear so I couldn't hear a thing. My friends said they felt the blast as it went off, I was just working really hard and fast and didnt feel it or hear it as what I was doing was already an assault on my senses. We were told to get out but couldn't leave the area, I figured out something bad was happening when I started seeing people crying and screaming, people covered in blood, including the showsec guys (they do the crowd management while we build and dismantle the stage) who were wearing yellow and had blood on their yellow tops. At this point I went to a police officer and he told me to get out. As I left, I ran in to a police road block where police with guns were screaming at a man in a car, police were diving for cover and shouting for us to run. I U-turned the car and bundled a guy in to the car and sped off and the guy I got in the car navigated us out through side streets. In reality, I wasn't right in the blast, I wasnt injured. But since then, I've had some difficulties. I have a past (about 9 years ago) of anxiety and depression which I have been managing well and I just dont feel depressed or anxious in that way however, since this happened, I've been getting very uncomfortable in crowds or busy places. When I'm at work I get anxious in large groups of people (I am an instructor as my other job) and I feel afraid and uncomfortable. My heart starts racing and my breathing gets really shallow. I just want to be away from them because I feel too exposed. If I see ANY bags left unattended I just have to walk away. It is quite often. It has got to the point where I avoid collecting my groups until slightly after the start time so I feel comfortable enough to go there. &#x200B; When I hear bangs that sound like gunfire or explosions, I get really, really stressed, really quickly. heart rate, sweating, rapid shallow breathing, totally not cool about it. No one else around me who wasn't involved seems to even notice the noises. It is usually someone hammering something on a building site or someone dropping something flat as it slaps the ground, unexpected fireworks, stuff like that. The thing is, I'm not a timid person. I race, I used to be a boxer. I jump off cliffs for fun, I jump of big jumps in skate parks. I do rope access and deal with danger just fine. But this is different, it's panic and I just dont experience this problem in any other part of my life. Once it started to affect my work, I noticed I might not be in control of it. I'm worried I might have a little bit of PTSD, but I dont know. I dont think it's severe, I don't know much about it either. &#x200B; I suppose I'm looking for some people to give me a bit of guidance on whether they think this is a problem or not, whether it is diagnosable and what I should do. Thanks",4.083925083612041,5.136251024615387,5.006715719063546,84.33476254180606,71.06153846153846,7.9906354515050175,28.438127090301,8.321376580360154,1.8837010033444823,2546,93,515,38,46,831,296,650,0.139,0.7859999999999999,0.075,-0.9911,3,1,3,4,0,0,78.0,4,0,5,7,27,25,3,5,42,1,53,13,9,5,2,90,105,49,0,8,27,0,9,2,1,3,4,11,0,5,36,27,0,6,12,1,0,13,18,15,1,1,30,26,67,10,80,67,10,98,0,2,5,0,33,56,0,13,27,351,103,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595568713323683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595188613919968,0.0,0.0,0.12951016010936914,0.14524142206510082,0.08128415683171034,0.0,0.045719869036405056,0.13503430894219154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053203297047522136,0.0,0.06799102936357937,0.1123018971442192,0.0,0.049901068641077066,0.036432035982977784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304952529048317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703124736770379,0.0,0.0,0.06564876991557918,0.0,0.06161483146540006,0.10295058065657713,0.060659961712268014,0.0,0.062441441927713386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801753606550126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992577854552173,0.0,0.0,0.061752961348050535,0.0,0.03947405274434618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058461392011129126,0.0,0.0,0.15109426291373454,0.0,0.0573835309457241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617409645561766,0.0,0.18734768642387695,0.057331792605678125,0.033965683864509016,0.0,0.09559865801425203,0.0,0.0,0.1775294917129687,0.21139907896934795,0.0,0.1070749513664284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26943686061792144,0.1416430295104235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05930729105660493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569028560953362,0.0,0.0,0.06328223933687807,0.12986914827798876,0.0,0.0422136093350379,0.058396074588083824,0.05989997878233956,0.0,0.0,0.05018733662235986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680190727496454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04393396678414048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217033582654756,0.0,0.0,0.1360851246219131,0.0,0.06364750666608,0.04049814032269735,0.0,0.0,0.07012105535673115,0.0,0.06471939861764409,0.05705221498698325,0.16573340616752927,0.05218427317603665,0.062441441927713386,0.0,0.11299401005531355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437358586089005,0.13972358559639195,0.0,0.0,0.06356716664198944,0.0,0.0,0.19143414133682013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051038768689180114,0.056849961834602926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524953360871936,0.054407582447911336,0.0,0.06751715447109577,0.0,0.09887603513937072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10127695495835584,0.13802946976217334,0.0,0.0,0.16920718644680244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684603175085205,0.0,0.06841633846745834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04493565307419824,0.0,0.0,0.05502335079232472,0.0,0.0,0.0794100866004697,0.07658967531688643,0.0,0.0,0.034849305478848194,0.0,0.0,0.11421555675056776,0.0,0.0,0.06500688451292252,0.0,0.0,0.14377926766634916,0.15485266163263792,0.06582242699746517,0.09862435320373973,0.03525079712981335,0.04743847555710078,0.0,0.0,0.05373568637948665,0.11080504127550908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17403779487640886,0.06069400317453241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524142206510082,0.07697307716848588 ptsd,A-V-A-Weyland,2019/04/09,"How to tell someone about your experiences without sounding like a desensitized psychopath? Let me start of by saying that I hate being pitied or being a burden to people. But, I want to stop lying about why I do certain things without having it devolve into a long conversation where the person is trying to be supportive. One of my issues is that I don’t sleep anywhere near what a normal person should be sleeping, and while it doesn’t show it certainly keeps getting brought up in conversation and I don’t know what to tell people without involving them in my life’s issues or blatant lying to them. I have already limited my time in social media, and this has somewhat helped: but how do I tell someone I can’t sleep more than a few hours because when I wake up I’m filled with a feeling I’m impending doom, angst and above all: guilt? I’ve only recently started picking up my life again after spending these these last almost two dozens months waiting for cancer to take my life. And while I would never take my own life, my diagnoses of cancer certainly felt like good news at the time. Righteous. Sadly (albeit now I begin to see that it was luckily) I seem to not have to look forward to cancer taking my life for the upcoming few years. And this realization has put me on the path of hyper productivity, but the guilt is still there and I don’t think it will ever go away. And while this productivity does come from the feeling like I have to repay a certain influence in my life, the same influence that helped me get an early diagnosis on the cancer; I can’t find the right words to tell someone why I’m working as hard as I do. Without making things awkward. I don’t know whether it would help talking more about what I went through in this post. Somehow while I’m writing this it feels like I’m blaming the person I’ve lost and cherished the most for my own issues. TL;DR? How to tell someone I can’t sleep more than a few hours because the feeling of impending doom is keeping me from staying in bed?",6.064904580152671,6.4952398702290095,6.4695324427480925,77.84490935114506,66.32824427480915,8.687404580152673,32.405534351145036,8.472884824447931,2.5214496183206108,1611,63,295,21,24,522,191,393,0.175,0.752,0.073,-0.9931,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,2,3,14,21,1,3,21,0,31,16,5,7,8,66,67,25,0,5,11,0,6,4,0,4,11,2,1,3,23,12,0,5,10,1,1,7,14,10,0,3,5,10,36,11,54,53,12,51,2,5,2,0,21,18,0,7,30,212,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07601475459595723,0.0,0.0837706166387991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132168406542858,0.0,0.0,0.09255032110103656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06539133902886625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704893211389663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643097347533794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866661640645391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425635785454854,0.0,0.0,0.1535332535982811,0.10846288484762016,0.07288728273955702,0.0,0.06938205770822202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07932161932137374,0.0,0.04314245502976237,0.06367126006384974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800210901931894,0.07494723802931474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264634325395515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495157663996023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23769675372911106,0.0,0.1349478844586074,0.0,0.0,0.08343833747339499,0.06187829141340701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762501212314364,0.3217127173965979,0.14834678623759678,0.0,0.0,0.06717960044510571,0.06374683701146215,0.0,0.08286675409700435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067175085001476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059211623413676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05854790028162842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437749760431492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051439835706844884,0.057734384364251184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525544032963237,0.19884990401536895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270257049279169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631237851749867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495379603453686,0.0,0.0,0.06482830705635274,0.0,0.06036815179731456,0.0,0.0,0.06049191791209376,0.06910729924945774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038666995749861,0.07738257357603644,0.2572794643129612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074615994942711,0.08091193411785466,0.060623303275694276,0.06346570759868715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614387035066072,0.0,0.0,0.17122879666311913,0.06101507135826225,0.3317515241361685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086492307166806,0.04864124974317865,0.0,0.0,0.08852962304172306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051539164700980716,0.0,0.0741548492363338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477477727234425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07037104757508927,0.1369972786661322,0.0,0.0,0.2927052666388443,0.0,0.05526473255246359,0.0,0.0,0.107851203658827,0.0,0.0,0.0488847439888258 ptsd,Burnttoast82,2019/04/19,"Could it be..? I apologize if you guys get these posts a lot. I know a message board can't diagnose me but I'm seriously wondering if there's more to my mental health issues than what I've discovered so far. I've dealt with depression and anxiety for more than half my life, since I was 14. That's nothing new. However things took a bad turn when I entered adulthood. I became pregnant and moved in with my ex husband 10 years ago. After my son was born I became depressed and anxious, yes, I chalked it up to PPD however, I particularly could not deal with the constant crying and being needed constantly. By couldn't deal with it I mean, I would fly into rages, scream, slam doors, punch walls. It was like a switch flipped and this rage would overtake me and it was terrible and I couldn't stop it. I always walked away from the baby first, this was never directed *at* the baby nor did I feel resentful, but was triggered by him nonetheless. I would be overcome with guilt afterwards, I was confused and thought I was a terrible mother. I went on to have 2 more children in the next 3 years and in that time eventually got on an antidepressant, which helped... The other issue is relationships. Specifically living with someone. Having someone in my space all the time makes me feel...on edge to the extreme. Incredibly irritable, the littlest thing makes me snap, I feel like my senses are in overdrive. I was this way with my ex and we had a ton of other issues, and I ultimately blamed it on our uncompatibility. Fast forward to my current relationship, who I mesh with and get along with SO well. Everything between us is perfect, I feel completely comfortable with him. I would spend all my time with him anyway so we decided to move in together. And as soon as I did that, I feel those same feelings coming back. I feel prickly, on edge, I'm irritable and snappy, I want to pull away and withdraw, I find myself looking at him as a bad guy, when that's not how it is. Even the dogs running around are overstimulating to me. Oddly enough not my children (they irritate me sometimes in a normal way, like kids will do, it doesn't feel the same at all). Nothing would have made me thing ptsd until I read an article a friend posted about a mother with ptsd, and found I could relate to it to a t, except for the flashbacks. Then I read an in depth article about C-PTSD and emotional flashbacks, and thought oh shit. My dad was rough/physically and emotionally abusive growing up, particularly when I was a teen. Bad anger issues, constantly picking on me and generally being a bully. That was a big reason my anxiety peaked as a teen, I had bad anxiety attacks, derealization, took to self harm, etc. I suppose that's enough to be traumatic especially when I look back to how bad it was. Add to that the fact that I have always tended to daydream excessively, still do when my symptoms are bad. A common theme to these daydreams are being hurt or in danger and someone helping me. That has been a theme since I was a kid. Sorry this is a novel. I needed to unload it somewhere...",4.082714689265533,5.96924529830509,5.243749999999999,79.36031426553674,72.28813559322035,8.17090395480226,28.562853107344626,8.841846274778883,2.354081920903955,2426,96,453,48,48,802,286,590,0.223,0.701,0.075,-0.9987,3,0,0,0,0,0,86.0,4,1,1,3,21,31,8,2,34,1,53,6,2,8,6,98,85,43,0,16,9,7,7,3,1,6,4,1,1,7,36,40,0,1,16,3,1,12,9,24,1,2,27,10,71,7,71,41,13,75,0,3,2,0,34,29,2,6,35,330,107,3,0.0,0.07708745905066162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767325912101924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827306961928077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931603533087867,0.0735011862086998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057918694498311364,0.0,0.07401706053700811,0.12225519156203775,0.10005684116955076,0.32594274153876884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056044881610887984,0.06821594001467884,0.2109257072266188,0.0,0.15583938667515065,0.0,0.07146720710812507,0.0,0.13415148301887628,0.11207506978648346,0.06603624184331906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637127957476193,0.0,0.1344522276312703,0.07256097827003327,0.0429726300508757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847324825569133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631771469751257,0.04648008154242594,0.0,0.0,0.05946520239416666,0.05534143695112665,0.0,0.07133678061935685,0.050266497280416836,0.0,0.06798409131961451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052035773864073744,0.0,0.0,0.1288425964250501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915752989175558,0.0,0.0,0.08721895348889509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964988059682911,0.0,0.0,0.2716299868837313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03575620116481668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0459549929878076,0.09535756029217796,0.0,0.05745066080255674,0.0,0.10927086022198897,0.0,0.0,0.055313118885556505,0.0,0.061562940503837836,0.08685836135430264,0.0,0.0,0.07087124963854571,0.0,0.0,0.06556687690654207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830055164093236,0.0,0.09648483168377278,0.05017958323810196,0.06283698185046603,0.0691938412651388,0.0,0.06374663846396858,0.1248568850529016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462222112555485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22816088806876825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130158585411927,0.0,0.0,0.0668942493087348,0.0,0.13970380440808092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06787352801805516,0.0,0.06678488580953193,0.10763939812463608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16537966647197036,0.0,0.0643476711657254,0.07283123089873153,0.0,0.0,0.05195834655484575,0.0543944828404491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762400352188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296722797589645,0.0,0.0,0.10330342258873576,0.11381397711338315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457185435111222,0.0,0.07076843153212667,0.0,0.0,0.07826119753179897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0383750681458697,0.1032858760915944,0.0,0.0,0.05849826938903045,0.06031283483029822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705566232185711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310897754357977,0.0,0.0,0.08379518542120334 ptsd,cookie_dough13,2019/04/19,"Just want support I'm 14 and have PTSD. I get flashbacks 4-5 times a day. My twin sister has had 4 seizures over the course of 4 months and now my triggers are something like a loud noise or a cough or a chair scraping the floor. The fourth seizure happened this morning. I can't deal with this. Someone please give me advice on how to recover. Please refrain from using the word seizure in your comments. It gives me flashbacks as well and I'm only writing it to give you all and idea of my situation. maybe just use the letter s. Thank you.",2.0188573811509585,4.301179009174317,2.456196830692246,95.1020433694746,80.0091743119266,4.6975813177648025,25.505421184320262,5.565023196281405,0.4596899082568817,428,17,90,2,11,131,79,109,0.0,0.851,0.149,0.9136,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,5,4,0,0,9,0,5,2,0,4,1,19,17,8,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,10,4,10,16,1,8,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,2,5,50,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17583642549077602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160471663287376,0.1855114416273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401183277749607,0.5178478904058625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15912137940484972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20313167463515094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08791016484638234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807750876378016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436273224821406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685336569777093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950427313296868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103415945223979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20226141055531716,0.0,0.0,0.1524635665724265,0.13852750121812107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041951035165116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566565039426945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492514132285986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108227874801737,0.0,0.0,0.10613396220576198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178871888481786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Cook_croghan,2019/04/19,"PTSD COURT UPDATE #(not sure) It’s been months since my last update. For good reasons. I’ve been functional, as hell. I haven’t felt like this since before my first deployment in 06. I get up and go to sleep on a schedule, eat better, have cut back on smoking massively, and have been able to go out to social events without needing to use alcohol. The biggest change has been the decrease in my severe, crippling anxiety. Other people I care about and respect have noticed as well. I’ve have two breakdowns since my last post. Very different than my 2-3 a week for the past decade. During one freakout, my friend just stopped and said “man, are you ok? You seem like you’re having a panic attack. Want a fucking hug?” I’m a bigger guy, 6-1, 230-240, lots of tattoos. It fucking sucked that I couldn’t have anyone not be just plan scared of me when I was having a panic attack. Especially with my background of getting PTSD from war trauma. I’m 100% convinced that if I had not made personal progress that this guy had seen for over a year, he would have written me off too. Fuck, that meant the world to me. Besides the small wins, I’ve had some big ones. I graduated culinary school (Jan 28th) I graduated court ( March 14th) I graduated my EMTB course (April 7th) Started a new relationship that is healthy and honest (about 3 months now) Moved into a new place I love and can afford (April 12) The best part about just saying fuck it and really getting help? My father got diagnosed with ALS about 6 months after my DUI. I didn’t really talk about it in my posts, because it’s my dad. Before I started to this whole thing I would have been a drain on him. I couldn’t of helped, I was a complete mess. A few days ago the house went under contract and the sell with help him pay medical bills and get the help he needs for a rough few years. I was in charge of the remodel and sell my fathers house adding 120k+ in value (as long as the contract goes through. Sell date is May 7th). Through all this stuff I’ve cried, confronted and trying to claw my way out of this fucking PTSD pit. That dark, lonely, “Im a piece of shit, this is why this happened” pit. About half way through, my dad trusted me to handle this. He would have never done that before, I couldn’t have handled it before. Progress is fucking progress guys. I never dreamed I could be someone my family could rely on. Someone my friends should respect. A person who was drowned in trauma and swam up. Now I can be me and not my trauma. That person is amazing to me. I’m so proud of him. I love all of you. Stay here, be the person you’re proud of.",2.522895092854508,4.529398737957614,3.267655474931331,91.303109088673,77.03468208092484,5.8813758045340885,23.566637969909397,6.761325535456951,0.6452262616324353,2031,65,422,19,47,640,259,519,0.135,0.708,0.157,0.9441,2,2,1,0,0,0,81.0,0,3,0,10,17,45,14,3,27,1,49,15,2,3,5,55,84,20,2,13,9,4,2,2,2,5,3,2,1,8,26,19,2,1,4,1,5,5,12,22,1,5,22,5,51,23,61,48,10,67,1,1,1,9,35,24,9,5,35,260,77,5,0.06849663139464827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06071813088110992,0.07320206780508925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239973553338123,0.0,0.0,0.047894437297145036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584961341236825,0.0,0.052669681497755486,0.0,0.04175491073543047,0.0,0.2331423532062392,0.0,0.0718829887423517,0.060579704148858216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983688076802219,0.0,0.07246035368633305,0.0,0.07181741481434101,0.0,0.0,0.10937797309400576,0.0,0.07524033323299799,0.044174660664615915,0.0,0.0,0.06952263902280427,0.0,0.07156440104257206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009583543919251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700891541194993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457252803479242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576750784507432,0.0,0.0,0.05826319967276746,0.0,0.0,0.10584065500452916,0.3799441919060322,0.14314665123800038,0.0,0.07785642825413709,0.05745172461316611,0.054783013412660966,0.0,0.0,0.2034673023172467,0.06057134492868841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364739270724192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807183219130588,0.0,0.0,0.07398811598718108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116677934204952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692798840186262,0.0,0.0,0.06061736332097624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05823338654901144,0.1236417682414181,0.0648131688048766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690031499190031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402007304967886,0.07280107907412663,0.0,0.10157876852293353,0.10565764962986816,0.13230894686095548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798386883542316,0.0,0.0,0.0928301802795349,0.0,0.0,0.1607320770358536,0.0,0.07417517685240256,0.06538778522158682,0.04748693967884033,0.23923446598228046,0.07156440104257206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312016773166596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24020668980471716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776139205579878,0.07042594517154757,0.0,0.07353974796915318,0.0,0.0,0.06515598202707018,0.0544712705384996,0.06857707736000294,0.06932224783200618,0.0,0.06235676066812632,0.0,0.07738169668497479,0.0703108078035642,0.16998336394293362,0.0,0.06854609884266141,0.06982368972265171,0.11607394700143014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696453650271808,0.07300829529988985,0.0,0.05726625092204965,0.0,0.0,0.07841225527139002,0.0,0.0,0.06455726446512068,0.0,0.0,0.05505499770873569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550611828343392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04650471647999492,0.0,0.06691125592275753,0.0,0.0,0.05915909710742555,0.0,0.0565168944481418,0.04040108788308841,0.1087388754906331,0.054943866051672965,0.0,0.0615866977385204,0.0634970635412236,0.061807555864192176,0.07647404279639586,0.0,0.0660283083564495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597412503518414,0.0,0.0,0.08821916973575712 ptsd,_hxd9,2019/04/19,"Coping strategies I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD, after finally receiving professional help. When triggered I can suffer panic attacks or just completely shut down. Usually, to cope I try to just breathe and calm my mind, but sometimes even if I do that it gets to a point where I start hyperventilating to the point where I get lightheaded and I can’t feel my arms and I think I’m going to pass out. If the trigger is more subtle, I can completely shut down, and it’s in such a subtle unnoticeable way that nobody notices (can vary in how noticeable it is) This is equally as bad as the ‘shut down’ can last from anywhere between a few hours to a few days and almost always impacts my education and relationship. Any help on handling triggers and coping strategies would be helpful and needed. Thanks",7.141871737509322,7.746704872483221,7.3391498881431785,71.93178225205074,64.03355704697987,10.112155108128263,35.34750186428039,9.994966539143718,3.6045653989560034,642,28,110,13,9,208,97,149,0.07400000000000001,0.828,0.098,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,1,7,0,12,3,2,4,0,26,21,16,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,10,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,1,1,11,2,19,18,4,26,0,1,0,0,5,14,0,4,8,79,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086765281400747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367357272871672,0.0,0.0,0.10924742991407786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827624350108512,0.0,0.0,0.1341359426361647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33687669337809706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10360588482797688,0.0,0.0,0.16305625041967248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610773313527727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122940824624728,0.0,0.0,0.17598409521605807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16786586742877233,0.0,0.09130103115061364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32304069230279464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15820777510390502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095109696434304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221058652011325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911985326221945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3658019150093749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18848802470685533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037321336748554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877911172331995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724778536776288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888684290083915,0.0,0.11370881462532355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790482902511107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293795879124296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907072577568068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693315057860762,0.0,0.0,0.12751640013649668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412106819248825,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,squintintarentino,2019/04/19,"My child is my trigger... When I was a child, I was sexually assaulted on multiple occasions by multiple people. When I was in the military, I was sexually assaulted and sexually harassed throughout my time there. I thought I was fine except for a few nightmares here and there and a fear of being alone with men. I became pregnant when I was 22 and had my daughter at 23. I read every book imaginable about babies and motherhood. I felt prepared...what I wasn't told was that the sound of my baby crying would trigger my PTSD and I would be reliving my past again. My daughter was a loud crier and would cry bloody murder, so whenever she would cry, all I could imagine and see was me being assaulted again. The only thing I could do was check out mentally and pass my daughter onto my fiance. I only just recently started seeing a shrink about this but she's 2 now and this has been going on a lot more frequently. I don't know what to do or even how to bring up to my Dr. that my own daughter is triggering my memories and sending me into a full blown panic attack when she merely cries. I feel like a monster of a mother. I do not AT ALL resent her but I constantly feel like I cannot be her mom. I don't even want to post this but I'm at my wits end with this. I love my baby. But the thought of being alone with her scares me.",3.8463759953388994,4.776340369003695,5.343111283744417,82.15937075160228,71.50922509225092,8.65729267818994,27.916294426102155,8.99025400887824,2.1505749077490783,1044,37,212,20,19,353,139,271,0.158,0.78,0.062,-0.9628,0,2,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,17,14,7,3,13,0,33,2,0,4,2,46,48,22,1,7,8,6,3,2,0,4,1,2,0,3,8,16,0,0,8,2,1,4,5,10,0,0,17,7,46,4,26,20,7,30,0,0,2,1,18,11,0,2,16,165,54,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25004493167406083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13732868714659668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13044808070258376,0.0,0.19275932893091846,0.0,0.5303911101028146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691606206079496,0.0,0.0,0.15945985493905135,0.0,0.10170607392805196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358359057402546,0.12207243782333888,0.1724750626511742,0.11590359849491667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860409111040715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634081558614095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794874019060013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026260424748846,0.1089483723270514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165050949808895,0.0,0.0,0.14137783618372124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1836156501708554,0.0,0.1416309263679424,0.0,0.0,0.1152344045428544,0.0836873308815951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156098735365768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411072663039138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207458626821647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11918971807878975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085496776025265,0.0,0.19238557680695847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085441421419912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801964835737703,0.0,0.0,0.19166558762176164,0.07038883532398063,0.0,0.0,0.11534663180636495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119977055828229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430047639650051,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MissArte,2019/04/19,"Exhausted and fatigued. I finally fall asleep, and when I wake, it feels as if I never slept. I’m now a regular OP in r/raisedbynarcissists and I have (undiagnosed) C-PTSD. Anyways, I have trouble sleeping. I have frequent nightmares, so often that I’m slightly numbed to them now. It takes (what feels like) forever to fall asleep, even if I’m exhausted. When I finally do fall asleep, I oversleep. Like... WAY oversleep. (Btw alarms don’t work for me. I either don’t hear them or they scare me terribly. I have PTSD related to being woken up in an unpleasant manner) Then when I wake up, it feels like I never slept. I’m fatigued throughout the whole day. Today was especially bad. I woke up very late (complete accident) and I’ve been anxious, jittery, and fatigued all day as a result. Is this at least somewhat normal? If anyone has advice or wants to comment similar stories, I’ll be very appreciative. Knowing I’m not alone with my troubles helps me a lot. Thanks for reading!",2.1700634547591062,4.961887778378383,3.684253819036429,82.97465334900119,84.72972972972974,6.46063454759107,27.502937720329022,7.7425588080867325,2.1411128084606355,769,36,137,15,23,253,112,185,0.198,0.731,0.07200000000000001,-0.9681,0,1,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,3,1,9,16,0,2,5,0,13,14,8,1,3,26,30,17,0,5,7,0,3,3,0,0,6,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,4,1,0,3,5,12,0,0,6,4,20,4,15,22,6,25,0,3,0,0,6,6,0,8,18,88,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497264707600056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869147072498374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17309690683750867,0.0,0.10713617439288534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793371843528253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606500360419533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197630640040652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120148699856933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23242048415228145,0.2189232244961188,0.0,0.33569376326713185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269199037756128,0.0,0.10270127494041256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420663857472427,0.0,0.17284075012993896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456914754109827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026360907209344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23634803988735234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15012473279099078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582159329498296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326316278201454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534016502545614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15333235369271342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520364883263814,0.0,0.0,0.14106595428372198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523625473293725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528478963924,0.0903741277979867,0.12162025263573935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17106655486381572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115472215984159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kidarkitect,2018/12/17,"Dropped my kid on the sidewalk thanks to ptsd... needed to say something somewhere Last night I had an angry driver decide to burn out by my family and me. Put me into a fucked up mode where I ran into a pole and tossed my two year old daughter on to the cold hard sidewalk. She's fine. I feel like shit. I didn't get into what happened with my wife about it because, well, I don't know. I honestly hate talking to her about it anymore. I've been doing fairly well with managing my hypervigilance and other stuff lately- or so I thought, but this was worse than I've had in a looong time. Haven't been sleeping well, going to try some new sleep-aids and see if that helps. My poor kiddo though. ",2.6169148936170217,4.366512198581564,3.5542021276595754,90.50875,75.95035460992908,5.834751773049646,23.09751773049645,6.42735559955562,0.4664794326241135,544,16,114,4,12,174,102,141,0.128,0.759,0.113,-0.6299,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,3,0,6,0,9,3,2,0,0,19,21,9,0,2,3,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,10,0,0,4,0,1,3,3,3,3,1,8,5,17,7,20,13,1,20,0,0,1,1,8,9,2,3,8,74,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175212697437846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942470916424846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375688049098954,0.0,0.08246864464892134,0.11651921519880308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507840240167989,0.0852134151199232,0.0,0.09269392030056936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422946300570352,0.0,0.14610624428672195,0.1610282331834041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932300109790796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963591198548307,0.13294888778705055,0.18398476092124205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968279256979695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093714655083028,0.0,0.15752372990126198,0.0,0.1530590140724139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17114681062804415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065605979031786,0.1639613120618199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970427036506474,0.0,0.0,0.12997018862055906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16742058583880418,0.0,0.0,0.3264370979000815,0.0,0.0,0.12556293306996433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867113481494164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109421236493468,0.0,0.15016126609902844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024566813249827,0.12948378453685433,0.09510536450472976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073470950725672,0.0,0.1593257425955836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.439941511299395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621360805091873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503154167021712 ptsd,Elliejane98,2018/12/17,"Could I get some advice on ptsd? Hello new Redditor here I’m so sorry if I’m doing this wrong. I’m 20 , I’m just wondering if I could get some advice on my PTSD? back in late 2017 I was assaulted & attacked , the attack’s became recurring through to April of this year, I was robbed & assulted & threatened. My ptsd symptoms were really scary, I had therapy which helped loads , I finished therapy in October - I started to feel a tiny bit better , the flashbacks stopped , but I still felt everything else but it was manageable,I learned to move on & good tips on how to handle panic attack’s , I felt for once good & proud of myself. I recently moved out of home (I previously was living with parents) and the change was really hard & scary , I’m starting to feel my symptoms are coming back and I don’t know what to do ...my support worker keeps advising me to go back to therapy , I just feel like if I do then it’s going back to square one and admitting to myself that I’ve failed again , it’s also very confusing as I don’t understand why my ptsd is bubbling up again? it’s very difficult and conflicting. I’m so sorry I wrote such a long paragraph & sorry if I haven’t made sense. I’ve seen on other post how kind & supporting other redditors are to each other , I just wanted some advice.",3.371642036124797,5.0226199463601535,4.854844006568146,82.39241379310346,73.67432950191571,8.496332785987956,26.221674876847292,9.107695989026183,2.1789192118226604,1030,36,201,23,21,345,140,261,0.162,0.732,0.106,-0.8859,1,0,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,0,4,17,17,4,2,5,0,18,2,0,3,0,41,47,17,0,7,9,1,6,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,12,8,0,3,10,0,0,5,3,9,0,1,12,8,26,8,27,33,5,34,0,1,2,0,6,9,0,9,20,121,38,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127693683092407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05490619458506728,0.0,0.5951318321396093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343269391376367,0.0,0.21117665901109944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06072288251155406,0.07495732273165867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263161161746585,0.05914323655892938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963648474114272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057355384380077035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061705851713022536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414743380484348,0.04904966125234838,0.1318458948607932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174248708518438,0.0,0.07804043965002279,0.11517502017504315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0615045490727798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046020359490007774,0.0,0.06887009482101925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102684829667774,0.0,0.07149728435506063,0.03773292766718208,0.0,0.07744980245004197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033543085374555734,0.0,0.060626732087740234,0.060760630690026275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496635283773039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14594628459953835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631082759766728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311908428905174,0.04652479085065673,0.0,0.0,0.08055598130442627,0.0762371625864651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575588432589355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3210325484072994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796881354454658,0.0,0.06779200664331794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305727799281243,0.09719370935476614,0.0,0.05483078370723294,0.05740159803474933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582575239824398,0.0,0.14272498477646633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355510078694853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147594192516507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330094095737175,0.040496574675166784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061953636218581534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445723744743378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506731471929319,0.0,0.04421383658434548 ptsd,vaguelyconfused,2018/12/17,"LDBoyfriend's psychologist says he's showing the early signs of PTSD, what are things I can do to help him even a little from so far away He is military on base, we are in a long distance relationship. He has always had issues sleeping and has dealt with suicidal thoughts, now it has escalated to night terrors. Some nights he doesn't sleep at all. I think he is embarrassed about not having combat experience and getting signs of PTSD. Not sure if it is relevant to this sub in particular but since the doc said it was early felt here still is good place to start at least. He literally was suicidal entering the military then got moved to one of the bases where suicide is the most common, while he was hiding a REALLY bad leg injury so he could serve.(he thought it would go away eventually so he didn't want to do anything to hurt his chances) Now his leg has caught up with him caused possibly permanent damage/pain from running on it so much. There is probably more he is uncomfortable talking to me about, because of my suicidal thoughts, anxiety issues, etc. he has told me he opted not to talk about things in that night in the past if he felt I wasn't in a good place. *I've been trying to get him to get his P.O. box back (moved to different building on base that doesn't do mail) so I can send him some things. He hasn't had the time off working on base. *helping his sleep schedule - ever changing and demanding schedule stops any routine that could be built *I'm so far away visiting is a financial question more than anything *I move there I have to marry him for him to be allowed to stay with me I also don't want to be too invasive, I check in on he slept that night in my good morning texts, then try to help him talk out dreams or w/e is on his mind when he brings it up. Help talk through planning his day around surviving 10+ hours of work on no sleep, not much to do there even its just helping him relax I think and plan out if he's getting his own meals or bases and how many monsters he wants. Is there anything I can do that can help him feel more comfortable? Should I be focusing on helping him stay distracted?",4.410492957746476,5.510766528169018,4.90574647887324,85.18256338028169,70.33802816901408,8.496901408450704,28.9887323943662,8.841846274778883,2.0933949295774656,1695,63,350,30,30,540,213,426,0.138,0.765,0.09699999999999999,-0.9655,2,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,1,0,0,5,28,11,0,3,12,0,48,8,7,3,3,52,72,23,4,10,11,0,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,17,12,1,1,9,3,1,10,11,5,0,1,18,5,34,6,60,46,12,69,0,1,0,0,55,32,0,9,25,227,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569857483378861,0.0592931462701824,0.0,0.0,0.04845852257336538,0.0,0.054512893830932434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592010716908976,0.06343556411103804,0.0,0.0,0.2008503586644289,0.05479372608220684,0.05949823816676006,0.043438788243321216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320256025658434,0.0753825096109221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137889299253754,0.0,0.0,0.04595612100548873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445042530076806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07947255422241144,0.09413171523373068,0.0644577906155295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970491655112993,0.0,0.0,0.03603066100701607,0.0,0.1368395140238682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891941956881666,0.0,0.040498097597931874,0.17930585330414553,0.05699228371105925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3343435564774886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017570159027213,0.0,0.0762841687679116,0.0,0.0,0.14875163879898684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142017798075333,0.0,0.06306191925190828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224538032922112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195121546297198,0.0,0.0,0.2272109269607089,0.10476703968546093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26748675080515605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04828690174076214,0.0,0.07582453597618563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06802472106664406,0.0,0.0,0.14890085060153613,0.0,0.0,0.08033374766628182,0.0,0.0,0.07682918933958796,0.0,0.16659577439358778,0.0,0.07982632084539618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04565030146521321,0.0,0.0,0.07650543333071083,0.0,0.0,0.067783569793575,0.0566679689787667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05894613129451647,0.0,0.28524160824087924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05043744429178384,0.1519050968463331,0.05690748129828005,0.05957566435846837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117828569785469,0.0,0.06716070735816297,0.0,0.0,0.229100945980662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420238195512863,0.09131970250768913,0.0,0.1697149152777035,0.04155166079188664,0.0,0.0,0.06809097062402812,0.0,0.09676028500169008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260911066825105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375471359194928,0.0,0.0,0.050620306248409394,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Maryfullagrace,2018/12/17,Do the flashbacks fade with time? I read somewhere PTSD can be severe for several years and then after that it's not as prominent. I'm hoping time will help heal me with therapy.,3.6470476190476178,5.686534657142857,4.46857142857143,83.80476190476192,73.85714285714286,8.095238095238095,25.952380952380953,8.841846274778883,2.06452380952381,143,5,27,3,3,46,32,35,0.12,0.736,0.145,0.2354,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,5,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,17,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357094163176145,0.0,0.0,0.28683524976366304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33758196034484345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888697803838317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6525046796064096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.330258396507505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33679344285334906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18597234084281444 ptsd,ajuxtaposer,2018/12/17,"PTSD without the (visual) flashbacks The incident that caused this situation happened 5 years ago, and I somehow just never dealt with it. I moved on with my life, I would tell the story to people but in a disconnected way and would just never ever think about it. I recently started therapy and my therapist, like my friends, is pretty sure I've got PTSD. For the longest time I didn't think I did because I don't experience a lot of the symptoms others have. But since starting therapy and acknowledging it has had an effect it's like the symptoms are starting. I had my first nightmare in 5 years about the incident. I've been triggered by fireworks several times now (I get 'emotional flashbacks' or whatever it's called) and I do finally notice that I'm hypervigilant when I'm out in public and there's people walking behind me. I also just notice there's a very clear 'before' and 'after' in regards to my personality and the things I'm (not) interested in. I also avoid any media/stories/situations that remind me of what happened. I'm a bit worried it's gonna get worse before it gets better? The being triggered by fireworks thing is really pissing me off. Like, for 5 years I was fine (well, I could just quickly distract myself before any emotions happened anyway) and now I'm not anymore. How long after the situation did it start for you? And is are there many people who don't have visual flashbacks? My therapist kept asking me questions about if I would see something when I heard the fireworks, and I really don't. It just brings on a feeling of fear/panic. ",5.830150501672241,6.9194209364548485,6.736821070234117,73.39051588628764,67.06020066889633,8.923143812709029,33.010200668896324,9.120678840339163,3.0613289632107024,1256,54,213,22,20,418,153,299,0.055999999999999994,0.8109999999999999,0.132,0.9692,0,1,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,0,3,23,12,1,2,17,0,24,4,1,5,5,49,49,20,0,5,12,0,1,3,1,4,3,1,0,1,18,14,0,2,6,0,0,3,9,3,1,1,10,3,29,9,28,33,2,37,0,0,1,0,10,9,1,5,27,157,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091651992758084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599732936072962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12415060057699365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09052781385942364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533691160702082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564502756538175,0.0,0.23302431574493115,0.0,0.0,0.0807320443965292,0.09965696054474676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320974372190037,0.0,0.0,0.09377237828360553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728817308031875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20536128425973052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257034048725365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929190154208824,0.0,0.1027183065066216,0.04615522683790782,0.0,0.0,0.09999562978395063,0.0,0.07764493552341592,0.0,0.0,0.07052471268089237,0.0,0.14307417763089073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300703648434638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24216271323764085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447560208218826,0.1337882069649742,0.0,0.0,0.08078223120410916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077605204817159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254623212260284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701896089630208,0.0,0.0,0.14080554173376916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20785169718109808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18985159021182008,0.0797044480499722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286722399100823,0.0,0.0,0.2134089562185847,0.0,0.1022574064221976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695594587817892,0.0,0.09013055809754704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274041623316566,0.0,0.0,0.1031233588876463,0.0,0.0755099125321548,0.20521094084086428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027380749312513,0.0,0.0,0.25844118507382496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860327730903062,0.18975515210884786,0.0,0.0,0.07978501851014216,0.0,0.208779223893048,0.211972275496384,0.12128821073620707,0.1169804124101944,0.0,0.0,0.10645523982853823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531770740460665,0.0,0.07245588144642592,0.0,0.0,0.08207402274274007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799317191384916,0.0,0.0,0.09270191436125656,0.09302477099989052,0.1945336265447429,0.0,0.0,0.1763490106413715 ptsd,azngirl7689,2018/12/17,"Personality change after recovery So I am most of the way recovered and have taken care of most of the symptoms with the help of my amazing therapist. But I've noticed that my personality has changed a lot since I started treatment about 2 years ago. Bullet list below: \-I'm less accommodating than I used to be \-I'm way more schedule focused i.e. I keep lists for lists and my calender is always full so I don't forget anything \-I don't have as many friends as I used to \-I tend to advocate for myself and will tend to push for what I want I used to be more relaxed and Type B about things. Is this me or is this a result of the treatment? I also noticed that things that I used to ""like"" don't interest me anymore. I feel like this is me finding myself/my identity (something I should've done in my teens) but maybe do you think its because of therapy? IDK man, let me know what you think. Anyone gone through a late identity crisis/finding yourself?",4.841194762684123,5.9228774893617055,5.553191489361705,81.00653846153848,69.31914893617022,8.337806873977089,31.48281505728314,8.617729084823388,2.42887348608838,760,32,147,12,13,247,109,188,0.025,0.875,0.1,0.8425,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,0,0,6,7,0,0,7,0,17,1,0,5,0,24,35,12,0,1,3,0,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,3,11,5,0,1,5,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,1,25,7,25,28,7,13,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,4,8,102,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860948083893592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700328841901166,0.11133593603088457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269795850043895,0.09355911093525908,0.0,0.11010957719056393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815658883588313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642244995197658,0.0,0.2830945158364708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369283034534368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765549850818006,0.0955898526478335,0.0,0.0,0.24458949923930395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10337690702568814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968623370950501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893145206913774,0.0,0.0,0.07353537014497946,0.0,0.1509371321794576,0.0,0.0,0.1368240109243305,0.0,0.13074009101964867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137556714253234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356566070251874,0.13442445167263128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046742731423202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336655904683512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068433901566714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300912385746112,0.0,0.0,0.09470740590561808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13907394990718208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301693262434607,0.1553571605116957,0.1777873260019114,0.17147284629536336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622559814004389,0.0,0.0,0.07892127095487009,0.21241532606146526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616561289484184 ptsd,fibrofighter512,2018/12/17,"Anyone have PTSD from mass shooting, massacre, terrorist attack, or other incident tracked by the media? Hey all, I have PTSD from a terrorist attack. Can't get into too much here because victims of it have been targeted by trolls, but wanted to know if there was anyone on this sub who has experienced this, or if anyone knows of any resources, books, or other things written about experiencing this type of trauma. I have PTSD from abuse and another sudden death as well, but this type of trauma is very different from that and seems to require different medications, therapy and self care. Just seeing if anyone's ever read about this, seen anything about it, or might have experienced something similar. Thank you!",10.63880952380952,9.716262246031746,9.644444444444442,63.32000000000002,57.492063492063494,12.526984126984127,39.253968253968246,11.538034831475384,4.71635873015873,577,23,88,13,6,182,86,126,0.203,0.7290000000000001,0.068,-0.9642,2,0,1,1,1,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,9,8,3,0,2,0,11,1,0,0,2,22,21,13,1,4,10,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,12,4,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,5,1,0,4,5,3,3,18,16,2,5,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,9,2,66,15,5,0.0,0.1705250440638256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787247404364376,0.15091565819786076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025368153281935,0.0,0.11843624339828908,0.0,0.0,0.3274660409095381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773403416076404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14673893860785664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007374938745109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13018645851981672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519374948068745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819247006645354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14498713098809665,0.0,0.1526794010319607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579985550241007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5047143331835421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396179862451672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468787853811838,0.1310219582380717,0.15014292205998994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107988421780288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325048246084585,0.16458832318456787,0.0,0.09561594709900416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875142494236372,0.08488942646593271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940392753983682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Jazzlike_Concern,2018/12/17,I'm fairly certain I have PTSD.... but it has not been formally diagnosed. I am currently only on lithium because bipolar has been diagnosed. Any advice or suggestions for medication or treatment for PTSD?,4.274285714285714,7.691739285714287,6.020000000000002,64.37000000000003,84.71428571428571,9.657142857142855,38.42857142857143,9.3871,5.726828571428572,165,11,21,6,5,56,27,35,0.0,0.9520000000000001,0.048,0.1406,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,1,5,7,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,3,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713502671475589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18883511272303669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692740108215398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5636882341746839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27973811320349473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21119172116064625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6491970899270844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sonafresh,2019/08/02,"Watching ted talks is not helping. Had enough therapy to know whats my responsibility now. How did these ted talk crew take their trauma and turn into nice people with useful lives? Tldr is what do i do if **I** am the cause of lots of my current situation? I don’t blame my current events on the past. I get that I was damaged in the past and have worked for two decades to minimise that and be a useful stable person. I have failed overall. Not entirely, I get that. I dont drink, I work in a service industry, I am superficially a good member of society. So my lil ted talk would be “I was expected to be dead or a selfabsorbed addict or fully mental and im not”. Instead I am a partially functioning human who cannot sustain a relationship nor run a house. I live alone with multiple reminders to shower and do housework. I have 3-6 year relationships which end because I am “too much”. I have no career but work parttime in an entry level nursing because Im good at it but also live paycheck to paycheck. And Im grateful for my work. I guess my self-pity party is about how do these ted talk crew overcome their traumas to the point of support and success? And why have I not met my basic values of being a stable enjoyable life companion for someone, with a quiet social function and peaceful uplifting community presence? Thats a fancy way of saying I am alone and isolated and I cant blame the cause of my ptsd. How do you deal with taking responsibility for your actions?",2.6711708394698093,4.952536646048113,4.642595729013259,80.28831185567013,77.72852233676976,6.906283750613648,27.23134511536573,7.957251820313856,1.9605551300932733,1168,49,215,20,28,399,162,291,0.09300000000000001,0.7559999999999999,0.151,0.9685,3,2,1,0,0,1,29.0,0,2,2,6,9,10,0,0,16,0,31,3,0,7,0,37,42,22,1,3,9,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,1,2,11,16,1,0,1,1,0,2,10,4,0,1,5,3,32,6,28,32,3,19,0,2,1,0,19,8,0,5,8,152,43,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351339507037447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21568756899757374,0.0,0.08327002743929647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12694925290807635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21393346157533846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073499821179942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203563347044083,0.10200445481201567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222528670465684,0.10759064236293568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880373177002894,0.0,0.0,0.17467295198246552,0.0,0.0,0.11470722097394725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979388439608684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014814933773454,0.0,0.0,0.3374238820014533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572252720472777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354771731863062,0.0,0.0,0.27583716278203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852473621062347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104935150995828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654505313868279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19880129874521754,0.07218829365146191,0.09091935592542948,0.0,0.0,0.09843332092606588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171845689180873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2235860620774951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280567456642349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862678302256512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704269351696048,0.0,0.1061439850960393,0.08822615468687635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816166441700315,0.0,0.0,0.15658053229227484,0.3347721599629375,0.0,0.0,0.11907787476971042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325987143091568,0.1017165861562654,0.0,0.0,0.17986395008938078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265087125361026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395808663980013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30322170366284434,0.0,0.0,0.07396856956756431,0.0,0.0,0.06705413502789571 ptsd,Theloyalcatlady,2019/08/02,"Unusual dream issues I have the usual dreaming problems that come with PTSD. Night terrors, sleep paralysis, those come in waves but I've learned to cope with them pretty well-to an extent. I wanted to address another strange thing that's happening with me. First of all, I ALWAYS dream. Doesnt matter If I nod off for 5 minutes or sleep 12 hours, I'm constantly dreaming and vividly remember everything. (Can be terrible sometimes) but normally it's pretty ok to deal with...a lot of my dreams just really mess with my head and leave me emotional a lot of the time. It can be mentally draining. I also have been experiencing ""reawakening"" dreams in which I feel myself wake up several times in my dream, believe I'm awake in the dream, although my surroundings are unusual, i somehow brush it off and continue with my day until something starts to tip me off that I'm dreaming and i begin to start the process of waking up again, sometimes just right into another dream. I could go on and on, but really I was wondering if anyone else with past trauma has dealt with dreaming situations like this?",6.041038327526131,7.332890668292687,6.468031358885018,74.77054878048781,66.70731707317073,10.149825783972128,33.667247386759584,10.290406445055957,3.7087003484320564,877,39,151,22,14,284,126,205,0.09300000000000001,0.747,0.16,0.9418,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,0,1,6,1,12,5,5,0,1,36,25,14,0,6,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,15,0,0,4,11,0,3,1,5,0,1,2,4,20,2,30,20,4,32,0,0,1,0,2,14,0,7,16,99,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388847836906774,0.10809500486332152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724426084498327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083565389659497,0.13310750425397888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14636337667193267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22381084314300828,0.0,0.1403858806788693,0.0,0.1037220632349973,0.0,0.0,0.08378079822162918,0.13393085889535858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852261123810858,0.14613055890185067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11675416752842492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568608214910485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050084600741693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383049023669644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487842919748815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332449518846068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793456380475746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559163352653428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375552681981956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346715749836472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208886060389291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13091809261540266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219111459248782,0.12728360282040105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12401319574135596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264329070484499,0.0,0.12430572497705347,0.15185710470840466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644654127169614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14716199488782847,0.11094189442589014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676061385581107,0.0,0.0,0.14602357784207914,0.2600063832801282,0.0,0.0,0.10001058185966087,0.2569673826394913,0.0,0.18390104519569492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630601472413406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15150239978534555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430768205103019,0.0,0.0766239138216766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680412749611567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088117307044262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,48anon,2019/08/02,"A question for people who have been in intensive outpatient/ outpatient programs. If you have been in a program, were there people there for all different reasons or strictly just ptsd/ addiction? I am looking into getting help again for an eating disorder relapse and the only place in my state (insurance will only cover my state) is a place mainly for addiction. They have great reviews but I don’t know how often they deal with things outside of addiction and I’m nervous about it. I need help for ptsd, derealization and depersonalization and also the eating disorder. So if you went somewhere for ptsd or addiction, were there people with eating disorders in there too or no? If so, do you remember if it was ok for them or not?",6.149398496240599,8.102347436090227,6.897751879699251,69.29790601503763,67.1203007518797,9.831278195488721,33.60075187969925,10.125756701596842,3.902143458646617,591,27,92,15,10,195,81,133,0.08199999999999999,0.841,0.077,-0.163,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,3,0,13,3,0,1,6,1,13,7,0,2,1,26,19,17,0,5,11,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,6,1,11,2,16,12,2,11,0,0,1,0,11,7,0,10,1,79,15,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4998786915896446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916740097923758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181842208358892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976975326533608,0.3941468236322777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519023665331095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598923446915159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126386101157709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15367558864416456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300070158927076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626499226688386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500080952086161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437100646604967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384215740984364,0.0,0.23953950653067216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020084783980762,0.0,0.12841805420329844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786444033335244,0.0,0.0,0.12985973393974742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615876720085793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626830550683514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,vavuxi,2019/08/02,Increase punching desire? Since last year (which ramped up my anxiety and depression to PTSD levels after having apparently managed C-PTSD for several years from childhood according to my therapist) I have had this issues with panic attacks and random bursts of inward rage. I’m good at keeping these episodes to myself and not breaking things but I am overwhelmed by the desire to destroy everything in sight and have gotten to the point that punching my steering wheel or my legs is the only thing that lessens that. I am having a bad “episode” now and just want to beat the shit out of myself. I’m managing not to as I have to be quiet because i’m sharing the room with other people but i want to know if anyone else has experienced this and what you do to release it constructively or de-escalate your mind from it entirely?,9.940009216589864,8.203257341935487,9.337327188940094,67.55741935483874,59.45161290322582,11.953917050691244,40.85253456221199,10.608840637214634,4.4102534562212,668,29,111,12,7,214,106,155,0.115,0.7509999999999999,0.134,0.2869,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,2,10,4,2,6,0,12,2,2,0,0,25,20,12,0,5,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,13,9,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,8,0,0,2,3,13,2,24,17,1,15,0,2,1,0,3,7,1,4,6,83,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138404737082208,0.0,0.0,0.1292279306887844,0.1893662520828185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21025534672194496,0.0,0.0,0.15431398211107902,0.11266236780187068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918210265227434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439039497870444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16610107179022138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501523569844552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929003146638091,0.0,0.16427331652758248,0.0,0.0,0.1015702652716021,0.15065004082607156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18661188831682785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14056120753938667,0.0,0.2168422355793268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812842776222502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174711244880851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320809849444552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087899367883908,0.18971138842575053,0.15288204374396286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21458609610457147,0.2455676204300146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180190134530907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380314164942512 ptsd,siamesedream2700,2019/08/02,"So Fucking Tired I was let go from my job today for attendance. I haven't been able to sleep, so I've missed alot of work. It's taken me more than a year being on an ""emergency referral"" to be able to get in to a provider that specializes in PTSD. In the meantime I've gone through five medications for sleep and I have been avoiding triggers and have basically become a hermit crab, holed up in my apartment. Does it ever get any better? I finally was approved for a medical card for marijuana for sleep - our state just recently passed the bill. It's worked for me in the past, but I haven't had consistent and regular access to it before to make a difference. Long story short I got into it with my drill sergeant in basic training, told on him to our commander, and was retaliated against. I was in for 5ish months, and was discharged from the army under general conditions. I'm not eligible for VA benefits, and I feel like a piece of shit trying to go to vet groups or meetings because I was only in basic and didn't see combat. Plus, I am ashamed that I told someone about my incident because ""What happens in the platoon, stays in the platoon"" and if I could have done it differently, I would have kept my mouth shut. So I was let go from my job today, and because I feel like telling people about this stuff makes them look at me like I am broken and not a human being, I don't share anymore. I've tried reaching out to friends, but it feels like they think I am looking for a hook-up or something when I am literally looking for a couch to sleep on so I don't feel alone and can get some actual sleep. So instead I went to our local strip club and over drafted my account $200 to get hugs to not feel alone. The good news is that because I was fired today, at least I have insurance until the end of August so I have the opportunity to see my psychologist 2-3 more times. Not sure what the point of this post is, other than to vent. Pretty sure I will delete this in the morning, even if this username is just for browsing r/gonewild. If you are hurting - I am truly sorry and I hope you find peace soon.",5.104772481040087,5.2916925469483616,5.979342723004695,81.37644637053091,68.36619718309859,8.995160707836764,30.93860599494402,8.841846274778883,2.3156109786926686,1659,62,341,26,26,548,222,426,0.087,0.7709999999999999,0.142,0.9790000000000001,3,3,1,0,0,0,44.0,3,2,2,5,15,21,2,2,22,0,41,12,7,3,3,52,73,29,0,6,13,0,6,4,1,2,3,0,1,1,18,17,0,2,7,1,2,7,9,6,0,1,20,11,46,15,64,45,6,52,0,2,5,2,16,26,2,8,20,234,64,4,0.16641461385156614,0.0,0.08119832876124045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235535192862206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056583822009666114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251929000003637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288960799862574,0.09189593323343166,0.07080328968610619,0.0,0.0,0.07359010120578008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643426394005163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386785192985038,0.0,0.0,0.07281527501489922,0.08514996394499735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07369697669909757,0.0,0.0,0.05495764147767832,0.0752657728225937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036057240756534,0.17832995008015645,0.0,0.09114953759616427,0.07604997110270176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642857589262109,0.07692381446820536,0.17388953445510508,0.0,0.1418658901171893,0.06979034130540875,0.06654848448069406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735799467181189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08264363037374263,0.0,0.0,0.08907514299850575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651408260515155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17017021759827036,0.0,0.16260354880208427,0.0,0.0,0.07363584824806807,0.2096195445657344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11108304697657477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764521575012548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641527854414699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328290638190838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794307895636872,0.0576854698453409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865780002326382,0.0,0.07968959941085366,0.08465174471033156,0.0,0.0,0.09726488907681316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215717738490813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261090146701054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541110483818637,0.0,0.0,0.4163369912386682,0.0,0.07050128114029915,0.0640570500126826,0.0,0.09314376782086037,0.0,0.0886879180984187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525245925625428,0.0,0.0,0.15684380411904278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272685376364403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0533158825142436,0.0,0.0,0.04851884980386125,0.0956345590218645,0.23661239337183945,0.15901629507677478,0.0,0.11298459906306547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713400713853708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12115182087242532,0.0,0.0,0.05910808350581261,0.0,0.0,0.05358277760148667 ptsd,throwaway27213y,2019/08/02,"I think I was assaulted as a child. TW: In-detail child sex abuse, incest I've been having really distressing reoccurring thoughts lately that I was molested/sexually abused as a child. Looking back on my childhood, I had knowledge of sex/sexual acts at an inappropriate age and I used to grind against things for sexual gratification at 5 years at the youngest I think. I also roughly remember once a sibling told me we could ""act like boyfriend and girlfriend"" and basically we went under a blanket and french kissed for some amount of time, I don't know. I don't know if I was touched on my genitals or anything but given the circumstances... Even typing that out makes me feel disgusting. I hate kissing because I always think about that and it really upsets my girlfriend. She doesn't know why kissing makes me uncomfortable other than it vaguely reminds me of something bad. She avoids kissing completely and she respects my boundaries but I know that the association of it to her makes her upset/anxious that she's hurt me in some way (she hasn't at all, she's wonderful, but I just can't do it). I don't really know the point of this post. TBH getting this out is more than enough right now. I'm just really struggling with thinking about this without anyone to talk to. It's 12 am where I am and I have very strong urges to self-harm. I have a psychologist but I've not seen him since January, I suppose I will set up an appointment for some time soon.",4.28756366459627,6.2751912750000045,5.087826086956521,80.26847826086956,71.96428571428571,8.440993788819876,29.31677018633541,9.085049710711278,2.565656832298137,1167,48,218,25,23,378,161,280,0.13699999999999998,0.746,0.11699999999999999,-0.5914,0,1,1,0,2,0,32.0,2,0,0,1,10,16,3,4,11,0,20,6,0,4,1,46,44,16,0,2,10,0,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,3,15,12,0,1,14,0,0,3,8,9,0,0,10,5,40,7,33,32,7,29,0,1,2,6,18,14,0,6,10,147,55,1,0.0,0.3028275978163975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219600970275264,0.10633400680474543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935583149070625,0.0,0.1051627439230507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826492282148916,0.10670181058137274,0.07790142192164372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398852097237055,0.0,0.0,0.10203230567201567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204432217659012,0.0,0.08440606611256395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461597661290266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676656397028034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616912274587708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368050412420206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3511584322251823,0.0,0.14415606148770338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062433200922117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731392797176473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25590844389395845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609536599523495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080568398716722,0.0,0.12239036129467472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274698525540551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447645484228292,0.10913451710123233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331596149461605,0.0,0.0,0.10571168373530217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983812888066228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359698229484807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027151664286544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489998560590782,0.327538357422033,0.0,0.10145336120172238,0.14903424288735612,0.0,0.0,0.12211168050831207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037211439560128,0.0,0.1054426021409218,0.0,0.10143612894486488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184653840850628,0.11531329854422125,0.0,0.0,0.1231878841901957,0.13858604877139974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229449712762593 ptsd,whimsicalangler,2019/08/02,"Need to get back into therapy I just need some encouragement and kind words. I abruptly quit therapy 8ish months ago. I am terrified of starting again and rehashing everything that makes me who I am. I know I exist outside of my experiences, but I just don't feel like spilling my guts again and getting to know another stranger. But it's time. I've been having meltdowns at least once a week for a couple months and the stress is enormous. I've been in bed for two days now. My partner finally sat me down and told me it's time to find a new doctor. I'm just so overwhelmed and I feel defeated by my own illness. I'm very unwell right now, but I just don't know if I can do more years of appointments. I was doing so well and now I'm back to square one.",2.1058516483516456,3.9702820576923084,3.5813553113553134,89.23269230769232,77.78205128205127,7.277655677655678,25.24542124542125,8.192908349453996,1.4775728937728942,595,22,129,11,14,196,95,156,0.11,0.826,0.064,-0.8372,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,14,7,0,2,4,0,12,3,1,1,0,27,28,13,0,3,8,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,4,8,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,5,3,18,4,14,23,4,25,0,2,1,0,4,6,0,2,20,83,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050417886306635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620520086964244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24375949135561065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538159435946787,0.0,0.10222192832960604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223549855389174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245312050741868,0.1550472674371225,0.0,0.0,0.16028870873099307,0.1132352461112572,0.0,0.17363331820576985,0.14486972924117936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16562353285030276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650574618360736,0.2613288598820076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774370185387749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580261047732266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530326647244779,0.0,0.0,0.2350573256146875,0.0,0.15308409255330993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880152265076293,0.10740637157808408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16858845038593034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536149835615086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121899042547008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1815657272675483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3625261373451902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18484984365573595,0.0,0.0,0.15145730681210898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548353174529024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078235003438232,0.0,0.0,0.12714229952612632,0.0,0.14251407724625426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020713403379838 ptsd,puranas,2019/08/02,"Terrified of my ex My ex and I had a five year relationship. She was in the Army and I was the stay at home dad. At first she told me that it was important for me to get my education done and then we would trade places, that she would quit the military and we would trade places. Little by little things changed. I noticed, as time went on, that she would get angry at little things. There'd be stonewalling and the silent treatment but it would pass and things would return to normal. I moved out with her halfway across the country where I had no friends and no support. I was going to school online and training for professional work. Then, not too long into the relationship, she got pregnant while we were at our first duty station. That's when things started to get strange. She would spend Saturday nights out with this single girl she had met in AIT. She would tell me that they were looking for houses only for me to find out later that they had been at a three hour lunch with some guys from work. When I asked her to go out with me it was either that she already had plans with this girl or someone else. It became really difficult to get her to go out with me. She kept me away from any mutual people I had asked to meet up with again so that I could make friends. Once she told me that she had gone out with the girl to a movie, but the girl hadn't seen any of the previews that my ex had talked about and I had caught my ex in a lie. Every time I brought any of this up it led to massive arguments and my ex told me that I was putting our unborn child at risk because it was making her agitated. Things got worse when the child was born. My ex had no interest in taking care of the baby. It was my job, and my job only, to do the things it took to raise a baby, from swaddling, to changing diapers, to getting up in the middle of the night when the baby became hungry or upset. My ex left for a month and our son didn't know who she was when she returned. This pissed her off, and for about a year she would have absolutely nothing to do with the child. I lost 50 lbs taking care of her and the baby because she expected me to drop everything at any given moment to attend to her or else things would become a nightmare and it would scare the crap out of the baby. For years I walked on eggshells, and I pushed myself to finish college and get into grad school so I could get out of there and be ok, financially. Every day was a tight-rope walk because she would blame me for everything. Eventually I felt like I succumbed, mentally, to her devaluations and started believing them. Eventually I lost hope and gave up. My mom seemed to be on my ex's side (and I'm still suspicious to this day that they talk to each other). Already long story shorter, one day she found someone else and left me and my son. I was so relieved. But now I still live with her voice in my head. We're going through a custody battle because now, all of a sudden, she's decided that she wants more time with our son, after all these years of having neglected him and using me to raise him. I'm terrified of going to court because I'll have to face her there. It's in four months and every day that gets closer I get more anxious about it. I've been to a therapist for a year right as the marriage ended, but I think I might need another one.",4.637814987080102,5.058511438518519,5.129130060292852,86.24852713178295,69.42962962962963,8.116106804478898,26.512489233419466,7.97965635744439,1.34264375538329,2611,73,557,31,43,835,274,675,0.113,0.831,0.057,-0.9897,2,0,0,0,0,0,59.0,7,0,4,8,21,20,3,3,33,1,52,5,4,4,2,96,106,45,0,19,9,13,1,1,2,13,0,1,1,8,40,50,1,3,7,0,3,18,6,10,0,7,48,4,95,10,104,40,8,112,0,3,2,0,81,46,2,7,47,395,135,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231872568333373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15182541228578544,0.058527262772711475,0.0,0.06305546008898352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435963843683974,0.0,0.05244036014821938,0.0,0.0,0.17012260135078114,0.061643670642155264,0.0,0.06288478777618907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138149416892321,0.0,0.11809048226230925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891280330169106,0.0,0.0,0.14398513714796496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057118483353159374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987969255293248,0.0,0.0494358346350526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108052303390908,0.0,0.10032647802964463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053591490542778696,0.0,0.051014220173291436,0.09495301909905036,0.0,0.061198652093155115,0.08624560436558405,0.0,0.2624509576108129,0.0,0.15860575287058756,0.0,0.08928127099252474,0.0,0.0,0.055265973351591655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728265346109401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598734855078855,0.05543723810378205,0.05496687817017455,0.06440342182279095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077624800691008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030674657536546007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128708563301067,0.0,0.0,0.027268561444770145,0.16782493653776787,0.04928597803898529,0.09878965950167384,0.046870837880443536,0.0,0.1218580992892524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451436119982617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05624874649234445,0.059211267610562814,0.0,0.06537026519612943,0.08910256225991456,0.05932288554852616,0.0,0.04138637597054401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475785286399612,0.054687193837367816,0.05355633519936432,0.06354614772735201,0.0,0.05944152782778238,0.07564385350064214,0.08490018004116699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0386953369846243,0.0,0.11663032543994635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056109844651924964,0.0,0.05936649686384032,0.0,0.0,0.03575674346258268,0.0,0.0,0.11984959859178765,0.0,0.04766600528831837,0.0,0.0,0.0558809040088213,0.11297623129781895,0.0,0.05081219980991708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458433254980074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901278627147383,0.05949173832654931,0.08914842375947571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333859954296668,0.0,0.0,0.08393239617956699,0.08972453072087598,0.0487850774512326,0.0,0.0,0.06480592516432494,0.2595686762768991,0.03576422357402232,0.0,0.0,0.09763914110262313,0.0,0.0,0.16000188107697014,0.06201290933008029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04820654297286669,0.0,0.0,0.0329213404939239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051741390114397705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126848143090884,0.0,0.056880611709527185,0.475795492189955,0.0,0.0,0.1797162822302269 ptsd,Rainydaisies,2019/08/02,"PTSD tics accompanying the flashbacks? I want to know if this sounds anything like PTSD. My therapist thinks I have it, and I display a lot of other symptoms related to it, but this weird thing happens to me often that I have no control over in response to intrusive thoughts or mental flashbacks. I blurt things out of my mouth or move a body part, instantaneously when I get the thought (precognitively) until the thought is gone. It feels automatic and that the movement or my blurting stops the thought in it's tracks and makes it disappear (until the next one). It started with grimacing at the thoughts automatically, but now I'm saying ""Sorry sorry sorry, I'm sorry you hate me"" repeatedly, holding my head and curling up into a ball at times. And it feels completely reflexive in response to the thoughts. I've sworn, hit my head, done every type of expression that would be classified under Tourettes, but the tourettes folk question my having it. I don't know where I fit in. Doctors have been useless. I have OCD diagnosed, too, and get intrusive thoughts with that, but blurting isn't a common feature. And I don't get them with my OCD thoughts, generally. They accompany my lifelike, vivid and immersive flaskback memories that pop into my head often as if they are happening now and I feel all of the same feelings just as strongly as I did back then, or stronger (as if I never expressed it then.). Does my blurting at these thoughts suit a PTSD symptom the best?",6.157925810837058,7.662023701107013,6.126875121382793,76.54018255972036,66.60147601476015,8.952495630219461,36.40337929695086,9.276330184999452,3.466552767527676,1177,60,206,22,19,371,147,271,0.11,0.836,0.054000000000000006,-0.9059999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,3,3,9,6,1,0,16,0,15,9,5,2,2,57,44,29,0,5,12,0,4,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,20,15,0,3,17,1,0,4,5,3,0,1,13,7,29,3,31,28,5,34,0,1,1,0,8,15,0,11,16,150,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100091470983573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634383189280656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09054531535905183,0.0,0.0,0.0958373950272608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046271706848348,0.0,0.09677011971563328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08757216950836805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831101987657901,0.07550402465265245,0.08829417969732356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269444332365636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17450261464240244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523288582289247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259386467493086,0.0,0.0,0.0851834289303978,0.2656438652421042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483423108207736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04215194667207265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335199108658133,0.0,0.0,0.057592429031510815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694973393878729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170176113395713,0.0,0.0,0.06654429214207179,0.0,0.09175953426578724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846541786385059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343260342147128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025693680834353,0.0,0.0966531095702938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06861315111138097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38633263915287896,0.06106927862829752,0.0,0.0,0.07213376683254949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935547311439512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017748487003043,0.11464091582247245,0.05528460487047082,0.0,0.6164686332150449,0.05031043872263745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05089005489650331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129068651159705,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Eternium_Ore,2019/08/02,"I survived a suicide attempt made a month ago. I feel traumatised by it. I can't stop thinking about what gruesome things I went through. This is a rant, so beware. I attempted suicide a month ago. I took twenty lorazepam mixed with some high percentage alcohol. If not for someone who called the ambulance, I would probably not be alive to tell about it. It was an experience unlike any other before. I hope to never experience it again - and if I do, I hope it'll be the last moment of my life. I vomited everywhere. On my PC, on my window, my furniture, until I eventually fell into a comatose state in which I was stuck in my own vomit. The most traumatising part was the fact of how much control I lost over myself - I could, at times, notice people were talking to me, but I could not see where they came from or understand what they said. And even if I could have, I wouldn't have been able to say anything anyway. I remember having an IV stuck on me. I remember being in an ER. But those memories seem fake and are reduced to mere images which might have been altered by my drugged state. After some time, I cannot tell you how much, a voice from above spoke to me. ""Miss X, you are to be transferred into the mental hospital."" I don't know who it came from, but logic tells me it must have been a doctor. I spent a week in a mental hospital, and for the first two days I was not all there mentally. It was hell. Since my attempt, a month has gone by. Not one night has passed without me being haunted by ghosts past. I've been agonising over it for the past four hours just today. I meant to sleep, but instead I'm just in bed, weeping. I just want these thoughts to go away.",3.1497335544499734,4.754744349253733,4.324709784411279,86.15551133222776,74.16417910447761,7.470425649530128,25.54173576561636,8.167268648758528,1.5000259812050856,1307,44,268,21,27,428,189,335,0.11900000000000001,0.843,0.038,-0.9777,0,0,2,0,0,2,48.0,0,2,2,7,14,7,1,0,20,0,37,8,1,4,4,57,63,16,3,12,17,0,1,0,0,5,7,4,2,0,20,9,1,2,10,0,1,8,11,5,1,4,24,6,43,2,42,26,8,48,1,3,1,0,14,16,1,11,22,203,63,3,0.09952559982557736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764468784286091,0.10636259854587997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06768082075963337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190108852576307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350757721853524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468895504476774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162676505106384,0.22766154455627896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162642303791116,0.2383892789668773,0.0,0.0,0.06418577834005341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186866868223836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541809851095945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573572003650674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19471026818944925,0.0,0.0,0.050323133681489975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465642436895987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056562691949223635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515426055032856,0.0,0.19770275444791124,0.09801266792279913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469666684484227,0.0811266473627036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029787447846914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864394901929947,0.0,0.0,0.09417352898329147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30089518785983993,0.10558093351481404,0.0,0.0,0.2383211527535021,0.0,0.14632553486817199,0.0,0.07676027814409367,0.0,0.0,0.0933980333872734,0.0,0.0,0.11331055505265394,0.0,0.0,0.06744112218457976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777652591219887,0.19001689317973994,0.06899851947736592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073054298122293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22548620649240106,0.0,0.09467163656715756,0.07914675164637433,0.0,0.0,0.07930901743813741,0.09060436816109077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232860464488811,0.0,0.0995974760235028,0.0,0.08432771775943285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320785791554006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21772970510134512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999490717708226,0.2609692830478158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612038615151944,0.06377198570064364,0.0,0.07901220914412824,0.11606835524393322,0.0,0.09433863141171143,0.0,0.1105766034279496,0.0,0.0,0.09722204939432197,0.10360965937722086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0587027773965013,0.0,0.07983343288844093,0.0,0.0,0.0922612281426271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593912665254453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070013058713054,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,theonethatgotaway_,2019/08/02,Does Anyone Else Feel They Don’t Deserve The Diagnosis “PTSD” Despite Living Through Arguably Traumatic Experiences? I downplay my “traumatic” experiences and how much they affect me. I read stories of what other people have been through and see the experiences I’ve lived through as pitiful. Sometimes I feel like if I described the situations I deem “somewhat traumatic” to someone they would see them as horrible but I’ve downplayed them so much in my head I’ve begun to refuse that they should effect me so much.,7.891794871794873,9.38616017582418,7.441483516483519,68.72434981684982,62.62637362637364,10.022710622710623,40.441391941391934,10.125756701596842,4.552954578754579,420,23,64,9,6,132,60,91,0.155,0.81,0.034,-0.8773,0,0,0,1,0,0,4.0,0,0,6,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,5,1,1,3,0,13,9,9,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,15,1,9,6,4,2,0,1,2,0,7,1,0,2,2,46,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503417110559406,0.1832208582026232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15648542227920376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938005243864025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5247569126816375,0.0,0.0,0.1808321838919498,0.1277480928628989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351954358073744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736176919329351,0.0,0.31580032167288097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943568905631655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397034971405907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20902945483637386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788670598708955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28499065492295245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009996761639646,0.0,0.0,0.1515124779547582,0.0,0.1768562360220276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270276518989856,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MikeMyersResplendent,2019/06/21,"Good guy Food Lion I was just in Food Lion and they had a big sign near their fireworks. The sign stated ""Please be a good neighbor and be mindful that unannounced ignition near military veterans and some people and some pets may be traumatic"" As someone who personally abhors fireworks and becomes a complete mess on July 4th I really appreciated this sign! It spoke of multiple groups and brought some attention to PTSD that a normal person may not consider. Not a corporate shill, just pleasantly surprised.",9.4323595505618,9.954272011235958,8.98570786516854,62.34328089887642,59.2247191011236,12.513258426966292,41.395505617977534,11.979248473330829,5.565991460674157,415,21,60,12,5,133,64,89,0.10099999999999999,0.7290000000000001,0.17,0.7082,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,0,6,0,7,2,0,1,0,22,9,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,3,5,6,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,1,4,4,7,0,3,7,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,5,0,42,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400254659471598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22786784702355725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5255960039259949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36457454864494215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151922633183952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21944276847482194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129386366096825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067023415320874,0.37953080626850266,0.0,0.2385646232556592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25404878648609897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922806544375815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414419724741166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DATaxon151,2019/06/21,"First Responder Trauma Hey all, EMT here, saw something pretty scarring a few years back on the job and nightmares just starting to fade. No therapy, No support from anybody but fellow EMS. Figured it was a similar thing across Public Safety and I’m offering my help and support to others in our field",3.962969696969697,6.949743509090911,4.504999999999999,79.09083333333334,77.54545454545455,6.575757575757575,30.984848484848484,7.793537801064563,2.6949393939393937,243,12,37,4,6,77,49,55,0.08,0.6890000000000001,0.231,0.8922,1,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,7,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,2,2,6,4,2,8,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,0,5,27,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22021575392129536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436026586253844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919607632449273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28419726705981185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29136095626669944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047653490408364,0.0,0.0,0.2027078757869932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6499825445752276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275112128256769,0.0,0.19026437716820244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442536978791454 ptsd,catsmeow80,2019/06/21,"Dreading fireworks and and more explosions from the 4th. Ever since returning from IRAQ 03-04 I am beyond hyper sensitive to anything that resembles gun shots or explosions. I see a shrink regularly and I post my yard signs in the neighborhood, but it rarely does anything to keep people lighting fireworks at all hours of the day. I'm pretty much screwed from now until late August and hiding in my basement isnt working. Does anyone else know what I'm experiencing?",5.697899159663862,8.048989176470593,5.943361344537816,74.07941176470592,69.0,8.621848739495798,32.14285714285714,9.23628265651192,3.2622268907563026,380,17,60,8,7,121,66,85,0.114,0.836,0.05,-0.5423,0,0,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,2,11,7,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,11,7,3,13,0,0,1,1,0,4,1,1,8,36,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16762742001472128,0.245635568915406,0.3945609178808497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460844338339813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4195852601673867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20026679563305985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21685291214656208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360894642285844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21308638217767434,0.0,0.0,0.13175140565155835,0.0,0.2704301248562669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623189870312628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16620120481576675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295986748288472,0.24389542112310886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103676935121824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983102447186552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452903346896587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sweatergraveboi,2019/06/21,"I don't know if this is normal Okay, so this is my first post . I have a pretty excesive case of dissociation/depersonalization. It almost feels like it's this permanent haze over my entire body no matter what. There are times when it lessens or gets worse, but either way its always realy there. I don't realy know if this is normal though, I've only realy heard of others who have boughts of dissociation but I've never heard of it being constant. I always thought it was just me,Until i realized i couldn't make it stop. It's always there and nothing ever feels real. There's only one place that it's at its lowest and Thats with my gf, other than that I'm always in this hazy bubble that seperates me from everyone. I can't stop and i think even if i could, i would be too terrified to face the world without it. My therapist on the other hand has tried to get me to ground myself more and just connect with the rest of the world. They think that me always being in this state no matter where i am keeps me in this idea that I'm never safe. I'm unsure of what i should do or anything about this Is this normal and has anyone else delt with something like this.",3.8360924369747913,4.888770424369749,4.9422689075630295,84.56449579831934,71.6470588235294,7.112605042016808,21.983193277310924,7.285733465282438,0.6499176470588237,923,19,188,9,17,304,126,238,0.079,0.8290000000000001,0.091,-0.2941,1,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,14,4,0,0,5,1,22,3,3,1,3,47,39,15,0,10,11,0,3,2,1,2,0,2,0,0,33,8,0,4,9,0,1,0,9,0,0,2,5,5,22,4,22,27,3,23,0,0,0,0,5,11,0,6,11,138,55,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383821508752048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51451912057906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647334040864353,0.1267151171653618,0.10177034449632756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737012751758013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364395507440874,0.0,0.09874088969753086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331089501827902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168324736886766,0.11186711391852544,0.0,0.11817253267421116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506311559678418,0.08835028235088789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051941265609214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292255405785804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960902414000806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992408796173156,0.0,0.0,0.13593222575666844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083839064719533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825510680653978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190764740517484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3635127125629591,0.11866525059564755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08380238115864108,0.1881140877675337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292094272681622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844222361773947,0.12581743352630415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076418746874286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520764940451593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20678827393612084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359106763150362,0.0,0.15848621967772344,0.12150571046034933,0.09818062114625473,0.07211330588470441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396420139216815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981639447773106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921401956745592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260308797720887,0.08785202706462544,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thisaccountforadvice,2019/06/21,"Friendships after trauma Hi everyone. I’ve had two big traumas in my life. My mom died 5 years ago, and 2 years later I was in an abusive, controlling relationship where I was repeatedly raped and assaulted among other crap. I hav had PTSD for over 2 years now and have finally found a great and knowledgeable therapist and I’m in helpful meds. I’m so thankful to be feeling better, even though I have anxiety every day and there are always off days and triggers... But I’ve realized that my friend group I’ve had since elementary school (I am now in college) just doesn’t really get me anymore. I don’t think they understand the difficulties that have not only come with these traumas but with PTSD. Horrible self harming and dissociative episodes and flashbacks and rocky romantic relationships and irritability. I have felt like I’ve grown apart and I’m just not understood. But I love my friends. I’ve just felt so judged as they don’t understand. I’m unsure of what to do. It’s difficult and sad. I’m sure others have had similar experiences. Does anyone have advice? Or anything similar going on right now?",3.3809698996655517,6.256114538461543,4.5590719063545135,78.48375418060203,79.09615384615384,8.425083612040135,27.79347826086957,9.085049710711278,2.926444565217392,896,39,157,25,23,293,131,208,0.209,0.669,0.122,-0.9638,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,2,12,17,3,0,3,0,19,4,1,2,1,38,37,21,1,0,9,1,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,7,16,0,1,10,0,0,3,5,9,0,1,10,3,15,8,16,26,0,28,0,1,0,2,12,12,1,1,14,92,22,2,0.0,0.1541209122374302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12711051221500771,0.11530611356116408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082351426935969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950915432192194,0.0,0.1290022160451396,0.09095341615087127,0.0,0.10704293891099396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504323576375344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205049934817764,0.0,0.0,0.14589330370549633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16777882866960156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350002107563706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138319517636924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591515437459116,0.0,0.1095961493970007,0.12429490396840982,0.0,0.12724103988306712,0.0,0.0,0.06577123969216897,0.0,0.2497901571794981,0.14249386223984445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1426235841800307,0.20099555780523956,0.0,0.06796027720232542,0.0,0.07392620645154856,0.0,0.0,0.1434112241462432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718840160024145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187779086726593,0.06354943835636379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740028524316358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448710221856814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523455370696618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893002182931633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30410795425622433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333116395238084,0.0,0.0,0.2793097352484101,0.0,0.11108572305507744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316456693386005,0.0,0.0,0.13569950525987215,0.0,0.0,0.10760169316745992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259677891252692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975815374586668,0.0,0.15103034146846275,0.0,0.08334859636742754,0.1278007695317709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12706710107820365,0.2708311364095246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512974985282569 ptsd,butysmasher,2019/06/21,"(might trigger) Today i was officially diagnosed with my ptsd I was shot in march 3 times over a bad drug deal,, its been 3 months about, i react badly to peole pulling things out if there pockets or fast movements im always on the lookout and my adrenaline is always on 100 ive been prescribed antidepressants for my ptsd and i just wanna say you guys arent alone I promise people are there for you who want GOOD for you, im making this post to say, if u need help get it, it will help",3.752157142857144,4.647915730000005,4.7314285714285695,86.58500000000002,71.7,7.314285714285713,25.285714285714285,7.447530270364453,1.0655714285714284,383,11,81,4,7,125,72,100,0.086,0.7929999999999999,0.121,0.3635,1,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,3,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,10,2,0,3,0,15,14,5,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,4,2,12,2,13,8,0,13,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,4,5,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812042387490759,0.0,0.0,0.29115897120430945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921660748809771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037452858154165,0.0,0.17757919217500315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20289631152176496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140859382892166,0.0,0.0,0.14674688690284507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17323641951926969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345419858939796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779704007854011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678615569567015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856033174480548,0.0,0.0,0.13965020355020905,0.0,0.0,0.1297295090489689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129419287817228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756187766588945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090342419880584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782680391577183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623465158078493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201970690565396,0.0,0.16584019832582886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319505487869728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,guruplantz,2019/06/21,"I had erased my memories from childhood There are gaps in my past that I for some reason can not remember. Anyone have those gaps? It’s like waking in to a room and forgetting what you came in for. The memories are not completely gone, but they are distorted and/or edited to be “positive”. Since I started in therapy things slowly started to come back to me and I started having vivid flashbacks I get these “oh yeah that happened” moments. Some memories though I can still not access. I know I was hit on by my parents, but I can not fully remember once where they laid their hands on me. My mind just goes black no matter how much I try to remember.",2.62996336996337,5.132598968253969,3.6423809523809534,86.21159340659344,79.15873015873021,7.368986568986569,24.77167277167277,8.384062270229773,1.8472998778998784,514,19,98,11,13,165,85,126,0.051,0.8640000000000001,0.085,0.5023,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,3,0,7,1,0,0,2,1,11,2,2,2,0,22,21,6,0,0,7,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,4,0,0,5,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,4,3,20,1,15,15,3,19,0,0,2,0,5,8,0,2,9,74,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307616419580353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13534729154328828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20131816804231506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516242736075173,0.18455195293284826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196235380396542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565249775777798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673511430036356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599370359794893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17772841586918786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939378354340444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18745386095209315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19544761280612968,0.0,0.16802948827653671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809762402636,0.0,0.0,0.5981836339334808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456042468383735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3737602075290452,0.0,0.14056852878953405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129239083347086,0.0,0.11693880963707295,0.0,0.1729371931357809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950494555058333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,randomitch,2019/06/21,"I was in a really bad car accident recently and have been struggling with PTSD I was driving to the store when a drunk driver came out of no where and hit me at a roundabout. My car rolled 2 and a half times landing on the roof. I was hanging due to my seatbelt for a while until I undid my seatbelt, fell and crawled out the window that my head smashed. Just typing that out took me a while and I tried to keep it brief. It gave me flashbacks and it onset a panic attack. I have had a hard time driving ever since. Just yesterday after driving back from the hospital a driver cut me off and it freaked me out. I had flashbacks and started to panic. I had to pull over and get out of the car immediately and started crying and having a panic attack. I had to call my mother who came with a friend to drive me the rest of the way home while her friend followed so they could leave. I rented a car while I deal with the insurance of replacing mine but now I feel like I can't drive anymore. Even when someone else is driving I have really bad anxiety. I barely sleep because I have nightmares. I'm isolating myself not just because I don't want to drive but because I just feel so alone. Sometimes I wish I had died in the accident so I wouldn't feel this way at all. My Dr has prescribed me Xanax and Diazepam to help and sometimes it does but sometimes it doesn't. I guess it depends how severe the panic attacks are. I feel like this has really taken over my life and people keep telling me to brush it off and move on but I just can't. The accident happened a month and about a week and a half ago. I can recall it so vividly that it feels like yesterday. My problem is I like in the Turks & Caicos Islands and we have no real therapists that specialize in PTSD and to be honest any good ones really. We have terrible drivers. We also have a lot of roundabouts. I have a lot of triggers. I've been having terrible headaches since the accident but I just recently had a brain scan and apparently everything is fine so I was wondering if anyone else with a similar situation has had severe headaches. They usually start when I've been looking at my laptop screen for more than 3hrs. I had my vision checked and all good so that rules that out. I had another injury during the accident where I cracked a bone in my leg that was healing from a previous accident I had on my motorcycle. So I am also taking oxynorm to help with the pain of my leg and also headaches. I'm starting to ramble here but just wanted to give as much info as possible to see if anyone can give me any advice on how to help treat or deal with my PTSD. I haven't been able to work since the accident so I'm currently broke and don't have any money to spend on a therapist that I could see via skype. I'm working on filing a claim with the drunk drivers insurance company so I can be compensated for the damages and pain and suffering but even that seems like a huge task and I'm dreading it because I feel like I'm reliving the incident sometimes. I'm seeing my Dr who was off island again on Monday and going to talk to him about everything. He is a really good guy and I feel good after our appointments. It's a bit therapeutic if that makes any sense. I cry, he listens and gives advice. So yeah if anyone has any advice I would really appreciate it. I feel like I have a pretty medium to severe case of PTSD but I'm new to this so what do I really know... I'm sure many of you are dealing with much more severe cases than myself of PTSD so I feel a bit stupid for sharing this. Any and all advice is appreciated. Thank you.",3.3068224254205987,4.768034965800275,4.74673626610987,83.87278973768211,73.48700410396717,7.920522235822114,26.641250869993037,8.532816995589336,1.8480765161878707,2844,101,573,51,57,950,287,731,0.18600000000000005,0.6920000000000001,0.122,-0.9941,4,1,0,0,1,0,47.0,4,2,2,2,38,42,5,6,47,1,60,15,6,5,5,107,112,70,1,12,21,1,10,7,2,2,7,1,3,1,30,49,2,2,13,2,5,21,10,22,0,3,25,19,82,20,81,80,12,85,0,3,7,0,33,30,0,11,39,399,112,4,0.05149292462882592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20127315996229908,0.045645370778167375,0.0,0.0,0.053331140461927495,0.0,0.12353661966537252,0.0,0.055792562321816216,0.0,0.21010172709135908,0.05399482122413116,0.0393919463987192,0.0,0.051067144670192834,0.10801515051182244,0.05276058643453559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574190657575353,0.0,0.03959488057101873,0.08598888240834199,0.12555843565474162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243387428825033,0.0,0.0,0.05748313361839912,0.052580033300145684,0.11778837580746587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222582059741171,0.0,0.1131251195666016,0.0,0.15926083273675976,0.0,0.0,0.053441526080371914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04506180534738116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603146219922574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680211821520023,0.04657829835234362,0.0,0.0,0.09255704074688301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343273289344414,0.1839327782180304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956661166901713,0.0,0.026902927826473712,0.1481901161703067,0.029264615721475512,0.17275928845359045,0.0,0.0,0.05672526184230627,0.050986091088615265,0.045535023191275656,0.0,0.04612754622627265,0.0,0.05284659637829047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035438658633064,0.0,0.051651601879157794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915385547341434,0.0,0.0,0.02829916471968498,0.0,0.0,0.0545235721905565,0.0,0.0,0.036370975492038216,0.1760978937588834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04324108786375312,0.0,0.0,0.08755488623003484,0.0,0.0,0.034371927038854,0.05220574343952567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041101161167571995,0.054728829744379114,0.07570644890806325,0.0,0.0,0.049732187479243115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0348929383758563,0.0,0.10958420465239753,0.2416634091260876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03569871037376559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058050535564904485,0.0,0.052386816388081216,0.0,0.0492717745984137,0.3009623666062617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05861022146347295,0.2309138024824253,0.0,0.10168610183650266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309958235324485,0.04687722464308572,0.0,0.2326893918092093,0.0,0.12778643809849669,0.05788020475176819,0.05153011220316727,0.0,0.04362978793714786,0.0,0.2037112765143291,0.0,0.14578782833964618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053831585134631765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04853147206893692,0.0,0.0387162709473378,0.0413880622993324,0.04500708576811956,0.04740776670561536,0.0,0.11957450862177188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005187689239805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057210533933036274,0.034960315738627616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056712181613056335,0.0,0.060743722163510226,0.08174537354401833,0.04130451813191143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05921432206982887,0.0,0.05584188021885828,0.07497492481511539,0.0,0.0,0.03657909625213498,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,iwantme1234,2019/06/21,How do I stop thoughts? For the past few weeks I find myself laying in bad all day crying and and thinking about past traumas. I just want to stop. I was doing fine for a few months and now I can't seem to get out of bed. It seems like the harder I try the louder these memories get. I start to spiral out of control and start thinking about about every little bad thing that has happened to me. Its exhausting and tiring. How do I cope with something like this.,1.9307328605200949,4.010052829787234,2.7939716312056757,93.63388888888888,79.21276595744679,5.028841607565012,20.01891252955083,5.82211442006289,-0.11900803782505907,362,9,76,2,9,114,63,94,0.19899999999999998,0.721,0.08,-0.9201,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,4,0,6,2,0,3,1,22,17,7,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,8,0,3,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,10,3,15,15,3,14,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,12,53,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073293656429904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064151258958903,0.0,0.0,0.20215794333499973,0.11868977932122905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506059840246414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682080985453471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923053192757211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627448735228124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982409042462127,0.18445519286987014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468979876821238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513716543145081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350839622324445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416820338630576,0.0,0.0,0.2605271725089081,0.0,0.0,0.307729299205984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222671788660242,0.2358492209780585,0.0,0.14610622336486218,0.0,0.21152548903097626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495024191160728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108550832831237,0.0,0.14762479753357335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,miller-lite-and-,2019/06/21,"Has anyone tried the Stellate Ganglion Block or shot of local anesthetic to treat PTSD? It’s been recently recommended to me, but my insurance doesn’t cover it. Anyone else out there ever tried it?",5.503333333333334,7.86626044444445,6.1344444444444415,72.45500000000001,69.55555555555556,9.244444444444444,28.66666666666667,9.725611199111238,3.1722333333333332,160,6,25,4,3,52,31,36,0.053,0.848,0.099,0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,4,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4739346018157235,0.3472438922447112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831081097499731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30655515237821834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961568688369637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346236288778854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601827588193277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dreamybabi,2019/06/21,"gettin something off my chest **trigger warning** &#x200B; Hi, just wanted to share my story &#x200B; I thought life was going great for me. It was until I was 6 years old. My mama had taken me to Pennsylvania without letting anyone know, not even my family. When we went there, mama had apparently divorced my dad and had got with someone else (I didn't know anything about divorce until I was 9). I thought of it as nothing. My birthday came around and suddenly, I felt like someone was challenging me. The day after my birthday, mama's boyfriend r\*ped me and after it, he would buy us banana splits. I tried telling mama about it but she slapped me for ""lying"". After we came back to Colorado, I didn't wanna go back ever again. She left us again and went to Utah. &#x200B; A year passed when suddenly, my family and I got kicked out. I had to stay at my cousins' house. Then they kicked us out and we were moved to a shelter. Then we got an apartment. It wasn't safe at all as the people outside were very aggressive. &#x200B; 2 years later and we moved out. I was very happy when we got a safer and better house. I am 13 years old now, and I'm very happy. But I still think mama will come back and I'm scared. &#x200B; Sorry if this is very long.",1.4503913630229448,4.029782979757087,2.5740364372469635,91.27249865047236,85.59919028340082,4.588879892037787,21.998515519568148,6.079149491110277,0.385054628879892,984,34,191,8,30,313,133,247,0.043,0.853,0.10400000000000001,0.9431,1,0,1,0,3,0,59.0,9,0,1,2,17,10,1,1,6,0,20,2,1,1,2,43,41,22,0,4,6,2,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,24,0,1,6,0,1,10,5,2,0,0,27,1,39,8,28,11,1,49,0,0,0,0,20,9,0,1,30,130,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744186411506932,0.4198982986546033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04832530143240979,0.0,0.05687397470045723,0.061525076236327934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943051291761018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061124686474900665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809334354924787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0595345879881044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04457206124059071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577349055722536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04564837593210474,0.06251651636145307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030686057230645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635916027895468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855683407426185,0.0,0.2211033920384237,0.07619714496662916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471437967628342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949386546135502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596521370663707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509129783266284,0.07067255668648892,0.04881643951931981,0.033765040329408295,0.0,0.0,0.061162684433473766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469120127264376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631562950485849,0.0,0.14504458934577827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791413791637579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691940050201482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711816223025212,0.05320643720251764,0.0,0.07736616082672068,0.0,0.07366508673114477,0.055193599589742716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040766437021192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044284714240341465,0.0,0.10973574258361216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469230785191514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.249402693872734,0.0,0.0,0.2281013089921359,0.040764540943127585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281365815685414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662230698318965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909577529078415,0.0,0.4198982986546033,0.1780256000565441 ptsd,R3dline7,2019/06/21,"I write music to cope, here is one of my songs. ""That day""(Trigger warning) I try to cover up the scars from that day but theyre still open wounds, numbing myself with pills and booze, It took some time to realize, thats not the man I want to be. the man I was before that day, is who i want to be, i was happy and care free but that was shattered like tempered glass the day that punk took my buddy from us. A coward with a gun trying to prove his loyalty, he unloaded a full clip with it pointed at you and me, I swear I could count each trigger squeeze,at the drivethru, we just wanted a bite to eat,the sound of semi auto gunfire, bullets hitting metal and flesh, I tried to shield him from certain death, I'll never forget, when he took his last breath,the blood poured from his head & his chest,he slumped in his seat, blood soaked and gurgling, nothing I could do, i still cant accept what happened to you, I'm in a state of shock i can never get over, I relive it every night, i still don't have closure, I'd switch places with you if I could, and let u breathe again, rest in paradise brotha, till I see you again! Written by Cj Ek.",6.959772727272727,4.8695691144067785,6.677272727272726,85.40270416024654,65.48305084745763,9.090292758089367,31.624036979969183,6.1124844417494595,1.5475389830508477,885,24,197,3,11,278,148,236,0.11900000000000001,0.7490000000000001,0.132,0.7992,0,0,0,2,0,0,38.0,2,4,0,0,8,9,1,0,10,0,16,9,5,1,4,34,29,11,1,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,2,11,13,1,0,3,1,1,3,5,3,0,1,7,3,32,7,28,15,4,29,0,0,1,0,18,10,0,2,16,122,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455013806712385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426950254679645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13691593166210295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216549821123048,0.0,0.0,0.34641952814837496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13741051619353048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314373411127104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016012493335476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875075220620905,0.14295245504071807,0.0,0.0,0.13781859833690155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946293566292213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373189452032638,0.0,0.06560650895012016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714292186608405,0.0,0.0,0.1260205278052039,0.0,0.1288533020602968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099726734325517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030275314172824,0.0,0.12694590491389995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070104356033269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32172857045160763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830462194354659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44759792325977577,0.27351894214851463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153236116522987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23762025996191435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,neilkj1993,2019/06/21,"I need your perspective I suffer from ptsd from abuse from my parents. Was misdiagnosed when I was 14. I'm 26 now. They thought I had autism when I was in shock and couldn't speak. A stupid move from my then therapist. I do get angry when I think about it and the help I didn't get when I needed it the most but grateful I'm getting it now. I'm also a trans guy who didn't get any support from my family. Been to therapy for 3 years now and steadily getting better. I mostly find myself sad about my situation in life. Mostly sad I don't have a family to go to during holidays and I spend alot of time alone. I lost alot of friends during my 20's because I felt more alone with them. I just can't bare being with people who arn't genuine or don't have any interest in my well being so lonliness just sort of happens.. From being so alone without support and having to deal with the aftermath of ptsd I see myself not going anywhere in life. Being stuck and aimless and feeling very worthless. Have you been in a simular situation? Did you grow up with abusive parents? Or perhaps in a different situation that caused you damage? If you are alone or lonely, how do you manage? Would you mind telling me your perspective or perhaps some advice?",2.6493688639551216,4.784945774193549,4.078927068723703,85.02371669004211,77.14516129032258,6.8936886395511925,25.298737727910236,7.893859768569023,1.540553786816269,984,36,191,16,23,325,133,248,0.22,0.6920000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9884,3,6,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,8,2,2,16,15,1,0,10,0,25,2,0,2,0,40,47,22,0,5,10,2,2,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,6,11,0,0,5,1,1,4,8,9,1,0,13,4,35,6,29,28,7,22,0,7,1,0,20,7,0,12,11,139,41,1,0.0,0.24869959696670324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025569233246018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.434790425842529,0.0,0.08392929378943033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14274058677080784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397716844417947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928206495563498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781360893051056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819989454235912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965147953776948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978769648975913,0.0,0.05306638977792882,0.0,0.10076943893423072,0.0,0.095923332089941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108489868859063,0.0,0.2741628845916436,0.0,0.11929216796649805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391801143035127,0.09280784150030452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034645728266377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14826002018258674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456643741946065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10597061330654782,0.0,0.0,0.11154632633165447,0.0,0.15563970487978188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330713780019346,0.0,0.0,0.07275982358055537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453642551160671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363237589523942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35390803553844336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23819435041575684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09173181849083918,0.0,0.12002063939097048,0.12185622479020095,0.0,0.06724837669136706,0.0,0.08331938774313223,0.06119778449452179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659558390535745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943635722299543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011690393154242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455419431614484,0.0,0.0,0.06758501674152853 ptsd,luvisafallacy,2018/11/04,"[tw: rape] My ptsd is getting worse on top of my depression background: i was sexually assaulted thrice. once in my childhood and twice in middle school. all different people. just now i had a nightmare, like it was all happening all at once. all of them were there. usually, after a nightmare, i let my boyfriend comfort me and hug me to sleep so i can feel safe. but now i dont want him to touch me. i dont want to feel anyone near me. my brain is telling me that everyones going to do it to me. hes going to do it to me. i dont know what to do with my head. im so exhausted and i cant get any sleep at all. i need to boost my immune system cause i got an hpv from my last sexual assault and i went through surgery for it and everything and i need to get my shit together but i cant seem to do that and i feel stuck and helpless and hopeless and i just want to die i feel like a waste of space thats just here to suffer and make everyone around her suffer. im so tired. i want this to be over ",-0.08652574634341903,1.8188200829493117,2.2821919455019035,95.5047786014827,85.49769585253456,5.985894610298537,20.49469044279704,7.255503002510835,0.4041546383490289,766,24,186,12,23,261,112,217,0.249,0.674,0.078,-0.9923,1,0,0,0,0,2,21.0,0,0,1,1,11,15,4,0,4,0,19,10,5,2,5,38,41,16,1,6,5,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,13,0,1,6,0,0,3,5,10,0,1,7,5,37,5,30,32,5,21,0,5,0,2,5,11,1,1,8,127,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190245724801237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421355092512231,0.0,0.0,0.10721599218675927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444943910286433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12372373822959434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373369005156398,0.0,0.12499637291880822,0.12583282468136994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4234598363153885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301687098308423,0.10824255246808814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243589735388816,0.08604144314126358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18877277535909145,0.0,0.13689619621063465,0.0,0.0963258438811179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065035592569602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360486971229408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601889624418552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618996885067824,0.09817362869897917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12315674760664284,0.0,0.11768054658682102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039377849399848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1786075644410419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565266047824741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349704138105851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078641449821994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189041102676434,0.0,0.10964288415105664,0.0,0.0,0.12362861174913305,0.0,0.0,0.2410513918262082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526874678316647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842658738009475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326462307847223,0.0,0.28415150183427396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164789683087707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273734149356252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BeNiceWorkHard,2018/11/04,"Semi involuntary cramps? When I get anxiety get this cramps in my stomach. It is like I do a sit-up. I can hold it off but then it is like boiling over and I need to contract my ab muscles and it becomes involuntary, like someone is punching my in my gut and I braise for the impact... My PTSD has nothing do with getting hit. &#x200B; Any one have the same symptoms and got some good advice? ",0.823417721518986,3.303518240506332,2.5770759493670923,90.65700632911395,88.11392405063292,4.678987341772152,25.621518987341773,6.2581,0.9128420253164556,307,14,62,3,10,101,55,79,0.017,0.8290000000000001,0.154,0.9024,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,8,6,2,0,0,10,14,7,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,10,4,7,12,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,5,43,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278604482606248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526500455925504,0.2833387888308227,0.15857015319987985,0.0,0.17838178852961714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25752859551943824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.365480217742601,0.0,0.0,0.19558002127852145,0.18649506174257371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417593853944596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17289975055516876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374215619192275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800856072299438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725745242031344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19757235467931594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423629317983532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833387888308227,0.0 ptsd,TheWandererBetween,2018/11/04,"TW: Military Suicides, UK Felt it was important to put together a website which highlights the increasing number of suicides within the British Armed Forces community. Please feel free to upload photos of the fallen/a short video via Instagram using the hashtag #portraitsofdoomedyouth. If anyone has any further ideas, give me a shout. Cheers. www.portraitsofdoomedyouth.com",9.478095238095241,13.788300142857144,8.278571428571432,52.33309523809528,65.42857142857143,9.447619047619048,36.11904761904762,9.725611199111238,4.880176190476192,312,15,35,8,6,96,48,56,0.0,0.8029999999999999,0.19699999999999998,0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,2,11.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,0,2,1,1,1,0,5,6,1,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,3,5,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573147198000732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012545512929347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553341581222978,0.0,0.2763579870225136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761088161668456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249203902262268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159463895776515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893445127780902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6296696049920959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485891517919513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,swarlypants,2018/11/04,"I’ve never felt this agitated I was triggered recently and it’s been awful. I’m anxious, shaky (like practically my entire body), can’t focus, terrible sleep the past couple nights, and usually I’m a kind and patient person but I feel so agitated. My friends and family know what I’m going through and they’re trying to help me but I can’t stand them trying to tell me what to do or what they think is best for me. It’s takes all of my concentration to not snap at them. I’m getting easily overwhelmed as well. I feel like I’m trying to protect myself maybe. It’s been really hard to sort through my thoughts. I’m so confused. Do any of you relate? I’m thinking about talking to a psychotherapist about it but if I can’t even talk to my loved ones about it without wanting to snap at them how can I talk to a stranger? ",1.9387647928994087,3.9780529171597654,3.820499260355032,86.48447670118347,79.0,6.828550295857989,24.763683431952664,7.865858978985527,1.3802807692307697,649,24,135,11,16,219,97,169,0.11,0.696,0.195,0.9611,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,4,1,8,11,0,3,4,1,10,3,2,2,2,27,29,14,0,2,7,0,4,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,9,5,0,1,7,0,0,1,6,4,1,1,5,4,20,7,22,24,2,9,0,1,0,1,13,2,0,5,7,85,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953204885922424,0.0,0.0,0.18196146827665247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690313696392771,0.0,0.0,0.1789107043239081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821914313976694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638417232565996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518409716367408,0.0,0.16288206541483705,0.11506731141812912,0.1546509420839521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244410617305982,0.0,0.08415160158671613,0.0,0.0915388948989627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428566724199995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796076673735326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16772797353499366,0.08851899131901761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737978824610546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537053756472146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16181487693899574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422589504323933,0.0,0.0,0.1511518010790994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091441298632726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15375803214442288,0.0,0.1406387316297018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318455423307377,0.0,0.15903563329324866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16118474166862065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110340661426695,0.3883820844546483,0.1407808984422493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641227973342585,0.0,0.1278703339486035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280646530770265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739410903519295,0.0,0.09500232724424447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14481985310342144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526420912267214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sortofpsychic,2018/11/04,I’m coming in and out if a suicidal meltdown but I have to go to work in 20 minutes. What should I do it’s kind of funny isn’t it? i’m ready to die and i want to die but i have to fucking go to work. that’s america. better yet i have to tell people “have a nice day! have a nice day!” while they treat me like shit.,-2.9179852579852583,-1.2880410540540517,0.5876904176904212,102.83114250614253,101.43243243243244,3.7719901719901716,13.484029484029485,5.565023196281405,-1.2231729729729728,238,5,65,2,11,85,45,74,0.195,0.521,0.284,0.7502,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,3,1,8,2,0,3,0,8,2,1,0,0,9,15,6,3,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,7,6,11,14,0,10,0,0,0,1,2,3,2,1,5,40,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149541873895467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20936236601899472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31348876392789243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5044861683157927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246918506563842,0.0,0.0,0.2762569659848035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530947152612055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873986149873382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684972991152175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494829377010518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26585256846535743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21243267091654205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335466205353878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3538803559132849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,modernangel294,2018/11/04,"My husband yelled at me I told him about nightmares and he yelled at me because he was tired and wanted to go to sleep. I don’t understand. ",1.2688505747126442,3.441326,2.421379310344829,94.91988505747128,82.10344827586206,5.2459770114942526,23.459770114942533,6.42735559955562,0.4912666666666663,110,4,24,1,3,35,22,29,0.10400000000000001,0.8959999999999999,0.0,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,4,6,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,6,0,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,0,15,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26325986696103515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454378728542408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321751991366333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4963633481936413,0.0,0.4126639023013144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44958493891213336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547241709741688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,The-Ides-Have-It,2018/11/04,"I decided to vote early. The current US administration has made my assistance HELL, so I voted as soon as I could. I find being around people stressful, so early voting worked for me. Do what’s healthy for you, but please find a way to vote (US folks)! When I had to go for additional “testing” to keep my assistance and the doc said “I blame fucking Trump for this bullshit” I realized just how much we need to vote. I mean, dang, I don’t swear, and this doc was full on cursing him back in 2016?! Vote. Vote. VOTE. Please vote (USA). We deserve better.",1.9265909090909084,4.215093157407409,3.2076094276094302,89.5528787878788,80.3888888888889,6.149494949494951,22.781144781144786,7.348242739294969,0.8584518518518518,423,14,88,6,11,137,73,108,0.14400000000000002,0.7559999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.7141,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,4,1,0,2,8,4,2,1,3,0,7,1,0,2,0,18,14,9,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,1,18,1,14,8,2,12,1,0,0,1,7,4,3,0,6,57,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754311633926322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153214522366235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428950139146898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573417422683392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602308279821861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218500924877565,0.0,0.0,0.11199755967106342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175161957423496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18646929748692015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21466343264249896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486671565693846,0.14612247754065014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662125220840712,0.0,0.0,0.4326401660552664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874555807051364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22573926454259266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4740940054132047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642239143791425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346692086669585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DemonicSquid,2018/11/04,"Fuck Fireworks. I don’t recommend starting EMDR during a week of firework displays. Also my dog hates them too. That is all. Stay safe folks!",1.459230769230771,3.837923384615386,2.3226153846153856,87.67238461538462,103.6153846153846,3.6184615384615375,24.43076923076923,5.6839178017228535,0.9690553846153848,112,5,18,1,5,35,26,26,0.215,0.611,0.174,-0.3164,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,5,1,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,11,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36694953440204503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242079340637416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4530284595472522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3247829016749861,0.4890828512995118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680691702167603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JazzSky7,2018/11/04,"Ptsd after a house fire I was in house fire back in May and developed ptsd from it. No one was hurt and things are going to be okay, but I can’t get it out of my head. I was the last one out of the house and the only reason I even got out of the house was because my stepsister ran back in for me. When she ran back out to safety, I didn’t run out with her. I instead stayed in the burning house to get my two cats. At the time I didn’t realize it was the actual house on fire, I thought it was a small kitchen fire (my stepsiblings and 2 nieces that were home are younger than me and terrible cooks, the nieces are below the age of 10 so they can’t even cook). My brain keeps bringing me back to the moment I realized there was a problem. I was getting ready for work in my basement apartment. Typical day. My cats were acting weirder than normal, running to my patio door and bedroom window (window is at ground level), I thought it was odd but didn’t think too much of it. Just some morning zoomies. I heard my stepsisters screaming, but I thought it was just sisters fighting (I couldn’t make out what they were saying, I’m slightly hearing impaired so that definitely didn’t help me here). My stepsister then went around the back of the house and started banging on my bedroom window. I just thought someone got locked out, which I thought was weird bc no one has keys so we never lock the door. I went to go upstairs to let them in, and that’s when I saw the upstairs filled with the thickest smoke I think I’ve ever seen. My brain keeps bringing me right back to that moment and the moments after. I have GAD so I’m pretty used to high anxiety, but I’ve never in my life felt that much anxiety. It tops any of the panic attacks I’ve had in my 20 years of life. My brain just keeps replaying that moment in my head, of realizing there was a fire and needing to get me and my two cats the FUCK outta there. It’s like it’s on a loop whenever I’m trying to fall asleep at night, and random things will bring me back to it. I work in a hospital so I’m around beeping and sirens for majority of my day, and I think the beeping is something that triggers it? Whenever a monitor goes off while I’m in cleaning a patient room I have to remind myself that it’s just the IV pump, there’s no fire, everything’s okay. Whenever I see a fire truck with it lights on in public, whether I’m on the other end of the city, I have to text my mom to see if everything’s okay. It just doesn’t feel like it’s getting better??? It just seems to be getting worse???? I just really needed to get this all out after an episode tonight and I don’t feel like there’s really anyone in my life I can talk to about it. I don’t talk to the stepsisters anymore (lots of family drama after the fire as one could imagine), my mom is supportive but she’s also going through a lot (I’d imagine getting a call at work from your crying daughter screaming “THE FUCKING HOUSE IS ON FIRE” would traumatize anyone), and I don’t want to lay all of this out on my boyfriend because he’s also dealing with the fact that we lost basically everything in that place (he basically lived with me, not officially but might as well have). Thank you to anyone who’s read this far down. If you’re struggling, know you’re not alone and we’ll all get through this together. Thanks for letting me vent. 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For about two months I felt numb and then everything just shattered. I am so sad. I feel like there is a wall between me and the world and I am so lonely. I am seeing a psychiatrist and therapist weekly. Could this event cause me to have PTSD? Is it considered an emotional trauma? I have struggled with depression before and I did not feel this isolated or cut off from the world. Thank you. ",3.4387272727272737,6.186940457142861,4.0908225108225125,82.73493506493509,77.76190476190476,8.008658008658008,27.640692640692638,8.841846274778883,2.603666666666667,448,19,80,11,11,142,74,105,0.285,0.628,0.087,-0.9740000000000001,0,2,2,0,0,1,13.0,0,1,0,0,5,11,1,2,6,0,11,7,0,1,0,17,18,11,1,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,9,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,0,2,2,4,12,3,9,15,1,10,0,3,1,1,5,4,0,1,7,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39197311083705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212996786835806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297939721299075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18468341201898664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435395685270276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548441074783201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084875309695656,0.0,0.0,0.20222811539972912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157452241181158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180417156862091,0.1284347492384873,0.1726168337580435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269838133837632,0.0878313457987434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622583191410823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349854819542693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182346816902995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101530051347192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17751089714593168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326125142088894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758898334956465,0.0,0.19664995880607372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517206119390907,0.0,0.0,0.16551711684512435,0.0,0.20873824365263616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1220587061395462,0.0,0.17561877465949285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420853857816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GritStevers,2019/01/04,"Took a huge leap back in progress. I feel lost and hopeless The last 2 years I was going to therapy. My emotional flash backs had slowed down and only 2 real panic attack last year. I am back to my anger, hopeless self. This a started a few months ago. I know the holidays are the worst for me because my abuse always got worse around them. I thought since they were over I would be fine. I'm not fine. I'm not ok. I can't focus at work, I'm barely making it through work outs or even the day without feeling exhausted. Normally I can figure out what's causing this but I am at a loss. I don't know this time. My work is suffering, my work outs suck and I feel like I'm ruining my relationship because I can't control my anger right now. I'm trying to meditate, I am trying to work on positive thoughts but it's like my mind gets foggy and I lose the control. Quite frankly, I'm scared. I'm scared I'm losing everything and I'm losing control. I have an appointment with my therapist next week but I just need advice on how to get a little control back so I can stop the vicious cycle of bad thoughts.",0.9410480349344964,3.179061131004372,2.7710462882096074,91.51052576419217,83.97816593886462,5.934742358078602,23.133799126637555,7.24861992348623,0.9257223056768562,865,32,185,13,25,287,133,229,0.27899999999999997,0.63,0.091,-0.9926,1,0,0,0,1,2,22.0,0,0,2,16,10,25,5,3,12,1,16,1,0,7,0,40,43,11,0,3,8,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,10,0,5,9,1,0,2,6,20,0,0,9,3,29,5,21,32,2,34,0,9,0,0,4,14,1,1,20,106,35,5,0.0,0.11166678721889674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209666822456716,0.08354390757976182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07842070536251022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08389943856222759,0.0,0.10721909181261753,0.0,0.2898792133058191,0.0786919584871204,0.11490368207520953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968172001449324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4228222183488207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060781247946487364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601471842839462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224897791706779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470274998524505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296170950209558,0.06732977632722348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847989741973837,0.0,0.05356250391905251,0.0,0.07537760044771223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359091235848387,0.1536470849444444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208823783612448,0.09445983366855444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163134505300937,0.10288127641363863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06291032468172726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516218017146652,0.0,0.07522672182229108,0.0,0.0,0.06988264564799174,0.0,0.0,0.10023230814151547,0.0,0.0923416389765518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716787717954613,0.0,0.11057805629161888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024283997833296,0.0,0.10727324242737478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118555723995967,0.0,0.08048606525465409,0.0,0.0,0.18871453814256592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831973844159207,0.0,0.0,0.07796174575461433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667082151454844,0.0,0.0,0.07879436183302538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777917909164754,0.10942754464348578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244637737044685,0.0549559393160785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104711419318266,0.1279744840378954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07559892244515468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085034092667374,0.0,0.34306316734694925,0.0,0.09604531779170536,0.06695006710518983,0.0,0.0,0.12138341639005157 ptsd,Ctrizzle27,2019/01/04,"Support. Can anyone provide several links to some helpful information for someone who suffers from PTSD and information for spouses of those who suffer? ",9.49375,12.847800875,8.756666666666668,53.655,61.08333333333334,9.8,49.5,10.125756701596842,6.6426500000000015,127,9,13,3,2,40,21,24,0.20600000000000002,0.623,0.171,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958316091136093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835856665202996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4945649611589929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.477966819074037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35847944412166394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801130450151959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_Lady-Daydream_,2019/01/04,"PTSD TW (R*pe) & Haphephobia (fear of being touched) It's been over five months since it happened. I'm still struggling with my fear of men and of being touched by people. Over the months it hasn't gotten any better. If I didn't have any responsibilities I would probably lock myself in my room and rot the rest of my life away in bed. I recently started dating someone, which was a big surprise to me as I thought I'd never want to be with another man for the rest of my life. He's supportive of me, understands. But he says it hurts him to know he can't touch me. Just wondering, if anyone else has gone through this and came out fine (being able to handle physical contact again) ? And yes, I am in therapy for this. But it's the holidays, my therapist can only see me next month. I'm very scared. I'm just coming back from my vacation, I went away for a couple of weeks and the anxiety has just been building and building at the thought of having to see my boyfriend face to face and get back to reality. 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When I was 8 my cousin made me let him suck my penis, and then forced me to suck his. I was horrified, nauseous, and confused. The worst was that I felt guilty for not wanting to do it, and ultimately relented, consented, and instantly regretted it, even before it even started. I was trapped. I could not tell anyone because I would not be believed, and I would have gotten in trouble for participating. I’ve avoided thinking about it for 35 years. I have never written the words until now. In my life, I have rarely initiated sex, and can usually only get or maintain an erection when I an 100% convinced my partner is interested. If I believe my partner is participation ng mostly just for me I am physically unable to continue. I have occasionally misperceved disinterest which ended the encounter. I have never been interested in recieving oral sex. This has not been a problem with any of my partners. Most were glad, and a few were indifferent but willing. I would like to overcome my aversion to recieving oral sex, but would be unable to complete the act if I felt like they were doing it just for me. How do you get over feelings of guilty sexual selfishness when attempting to do so turns you into your incestual childhood predator? ",5.681479905437353,7.6291361574468075,6.674432624113475,70.46361111111112,68.27659574468086,9.477541371158392,36.034278959810884,9.861636050157227,4.022952718676123,1027,54,167,25,18,342,137,235,0.14400000000000002,0.7909999999999999,0.066,-0.9417,1,2,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,1,1,12,15,2,2,9,0,33,4,0,3,2,43,47,20,0,10,12,1,3,2,3,5,1,0,0,3,8,9,0,1,4,0,0,1,7,9,0,0,14,3,34,6,23,24,4,20,0,1,0,3,11,5,2,6,16,141,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924184156769116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123243880236348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792566861659943,0.17741609920388102,0.1366942260110965,0.36197629473692505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842973054286695,0.0,0.0,0.1282592988286569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228083516884638,0.0,0.0,0.2122046107883243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812252531089555,0.0,0.3084823828164248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678572805666884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642669873664078,0.1134659594864518,0.15696280743944085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15200302859209633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24779351224151466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217522583989655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371237930181494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370299806521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040789671661713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293269319396058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473200327273308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692409989674265,0.0,0.0947506167324259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485283358399832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564609221772817,0.0,0.0,0.10344796610767117 ptsd,superdupechickentoes,2019/01/04,Fuk pts fuk it I I’m coming on 4 years since the stupid car. Kid. Napping shot at thing .... fuk it a stupid tv thing at moms triggered me back ,-2.9586175115207363,-2.1868331290322534,-0.9209216589861741,109.55290322580645,122.22580645161293,1.7714285714285716,10.880184331797237,3.1291,-2.2513170506912443,107,2,28,0,7,34,24,31,0.207,0.7929999999999999,0.0,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,7,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,12,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32582654209431583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650107231831758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4962740459258022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35051849003141017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5630222451623541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27287185154763266 ptsd,CupsBreak,2019/01/04,"I need help. Having a flashback. I need support. I’m spiraling. I’m having a flashback. I was with a man for five years who turned out to be very abusive but in a completely underhanded way. He had me convinced that everything was all in my head. I was completely isolated for years and his abuse broke the ptsd wide open. I guess I’ve had symptoms since I was a kid (bad childhood) but I didn’t know about any of it until him. It’s been six months since I left him and most of the time I can function fine but every once and a while this pain will kick in and it comes back. Right now I feel like I’m sitting in the spare room back in that house. I can feel the walls. Alone, hopeless and in too much pain but pretending everything is fine, sidetracking myself and numbing the pain, because I’m pretty sure it’s all my fault. I’m sitting in that room and I can’t get out. I can feel the walls around me. It’s dark. He’s either sleeping or not home and I’m alone. It’s like I’m there and I can’t breathe.",0.3659507042253516,2.535291375586855,1.8872124413145563,97.33955105633804,85.94835680751173,5.240140845070423,20.142605633802816,6.6274283507984215,0.07847746478873274,785,24,183,9,24,253,113,213,0.204,0.6779999999999999,0.11800000000000001,-0.9771,0,2,0,0,1,1,23.0,0,0,0,0,7,15,0,0,12,0,18,8,3,0,3,33,36,16,0,2,7,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,3,2,11,15,0,0,4,1,0,1,4,8,0,2,8,3,22,7,18,26,5,32,0,2,0,0,9,18,0,3,12,109,33,0,0.0,0.2972103209603673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597997817271368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529160506420687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116526215381906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288433063242488,0.1047225536860396,0.07645639558465311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804038333142356,0.2630062227508567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567387081164754,0.0,0.2254433223729417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19025216281574156,0.08960186341341009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552808281053378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13816703071975914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287196756452576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840680620411478,0.0,0.1258089999373058,0.0,0.0,0.14472073248326145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892892926678591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627191985129766,0.0,0.0,0.12255020228305445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011104776289224,0.0,0.09219997327683532,0.1859983980902468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13357087564121675,0.0,0.0,0.4003751682812664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275997789014017,0.0,0.0,0.14661219781753634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071101349064547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075015862410195,0.0,0.1255130847268766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232797359034602,0.118209227678222,0.1303620072504547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07313487192387914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642367064986702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348670283413232,0.0,0.09955454739947099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153596357094854 ptsd,VeggisonSTL,2019/01/04,"Banned from group. Now I have nothing. I was banned from a women with PTSD online support group. When I asked admin why, I was told it's because I reacted with a laugh on a serious post. I would NEVER do that on purpose. The only source of connection I had with people who understood was ripped away from me over an accident. I wasn't even allowed to explain that I did not do that on purpose. I have nothing. No one in my life understands what I'm going through. This may be the thing that pushes me over the edge. I can't do this anymore. Everything in my life keeps getting removed from my life, one thing at a time. I don't even have my own brain to rely on. ",1.3320693277310944,3.5055272279411764,2.9485714285714306,91.22500000000004,81.86764705882355,5.944537815126051,23.68487394957983,7.1686216300943375,0.936360924369748,517,19,109,7,14,170,81,136,0.059000000000000004,0.857,0.085,0.5053,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,8,0,17,4,1,2,1,15,27,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,11,3,0,3,3,0,0,3,6,1,0,2,8,0,18,2,21,16,1,18,0,0,0,0,7,10,0,1,4,85,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843099229643964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17374151582555014,0.0,0.17460903082954973,0.0,0.0,0.113290383437881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074663072976396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454998986794806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16702697164726835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709719600023532,0.0,0.10562092523563542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518902789928047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938069223002946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14333638162416307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566497162686261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518689786002175,0.141344740123279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884265610325904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798970311634488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21724477043949464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21089655847212746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24693649193819295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836866712821744,0.0,0.0,0.1775844235673329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347290076990936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676976810603256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202011696325336,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,vveezel,2019/01/04,"Which doctors when?? Looking for advice about professional treatment. I'm feeling a little frustrated/lost/overwhelmed by how sort of fragmented treatment seems to be. We have therapists, for emotional/talk stuff, we have psychiatrists, for meds and brain chemistry stuff, and we have regular old doctors, for body stuff. But that stuff is all so related, it seems impossible for it to be treated as three distinct areas by three different people who don't talk to each other. I'm not really sure what I'm asking lol. (new to this subreddit... hi!) I'm just anxious about this. I see a therapist weekly and a psychiatrist every month or two, but I have a lot of physical problems that I think are related to my ptsd (chronic pain, chronic fatigue, stomach problems, etc) and neither of them seem equipped to help with that. Seeing a regular doctor next week, and not sure if I can expect them to help with it either if its a psychiatric issue?? Not to mention I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, which I know can be related to trauma, so I don't know if I need my ADHD and PTSD to be treated as related things and not as separate issues.... I don't know. I'm stressed about figuring out who to go to when and how to get treatment that addresses all this stuff as a whole because I feel like addressing each issue as if its distinct and independent doesn't make sense or won't work or something. Does anyone have any words of wisdom about this? (It's possible I'm just being paranoid that treatment will fail if its fragmented in this way. That might be perfectly fine. If that's the case, I just need advice about how to figure out who can help with any given issue.)",6.197095238095237,6.978680352380955,6.697896825396827,75.09446428571428,66.1111111111111,10.109523809523813,33.84523809523809,10.125756701596842,3.5190666666666672,1321,57,234,30,20,431,156,315,0.095,0.802,0.10300000000000001,0.5571,1,0,1,0,0,0,48.0,3,0,2,3,15,15,0,1,8,1,24,11,3,5,7,71,49,32,0,11,19,0,2,1,0,3,8,0,2,0,32,20,0,0,11,0,0,1,10,7,0,3,2,5,18,8,42,38,9,16,0,2,3,0,15,5,0,15,10,170,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19853286461999733,0.16142711116104955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233859119834366,0.0,0.0,0.09331193569132154,0.0,0.05775426030314738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721773702741798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035081566126852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174746881564724,0.0,0.0922063945559449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838349674341854,0.0,0.08629705827022864,0.0,0.2536268605767011,0.07228183889289384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921183138297612,0.0,0.0,0.06959215836376666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352779825974327,0.0590078419618876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04315391005552192,0.0,0.04694219910931898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609057211494718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448423239859112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618067336425171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04035308359241978,0.08278463468779658,0.0,0.0,0.06936129883005045,0.0,0.09016519036019212,0.07022164482733964,0.0,0.0,0.05513463283390476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174746881564724,0.0,0.0,0.08762314933046955,0.0,0.0,0.06592872804191723,0.0,0.0,0.1224903552399886,0.0,0.0797734119939062,0.08784363354402464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667243369765225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788981893676885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057262872892653964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311654131479416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580697642286761,0.19310467592814398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529142272818738,0.0,0.0815553035872723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316394096337417,0.2255816410334591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358777561470938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09461543210470022,0.0,0.4727732548358647,0.0,0.0,0.1556947848972831,0.0,0.0,0.13277786933511132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918046847272657,0.054874268266722495,0.05292529664329999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068599006181047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556224140597547,0.13250984962292214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922174269778999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060132138456453925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mj_11704,2019/01/04,DAE feel dread and anxiety when going to bed? Every night when I lay down to go to bed I get this strong sense of dread and fear. My chest gets tight and breathing labored. I dread going to bed as it is knowing the nightmares will permeate my sleep. Does anyone else feel this way?,2.7576785714285705,4.7618865535714265,3.1065714285714314,92.73842857142859,76.32142857142857,5.908571428571428,21.91428571428571,6.742157984588678,0.3922828571428569,221,6,46,2,5,68,40,56,0.21899999999999997,0.722,0.059000000000000004,-0.855,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,4,1,0,2,3,3,0,0,7,10,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,3,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,0,3,5,1,7,9,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,23,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20898632741807333,0.0,0.0,0.1910178067236452,0.2799110528779539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239066663806272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282116139354767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23017075079891297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074098842100849,0.2762618158432508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2854565258766213,0.0,0.465773219304383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501357268286284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563662913270383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733830106229868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21684210812363405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tomoassassin,2019/01/04,"can you experience trauma outside a warzone i keep trying to get help for the shit that haunts me and it doesnt stem from getting blown up in a warzone and my own sister isn't taking me seriously and im mad about it idk man i keep having the memory of putting my hand behind my head and then in front of my eyes and seeing the blood on my hands it activates my anxiety idk man",2.8991666666666696,4.029591250000003,4.802500000000002,84.37916666666669,74.0,7.833333333333335,24.583333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.4068333333333336,300,9,64,5,6,103,57,80,0.159,0.7120000000000001,0.129,-0.1734,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,5,0,4,6,6,0,0,7,10,6,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,0,4,11,0,11,10,1,7,0,0,2,0,5,4,1,0,1,42,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191172606024478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801823438795152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2992944693747834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29395860040444083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198719801342187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093922732094591,0.0,0.0,0.5091821853592108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879400727131653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2282466826554633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940150640044283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153588234725723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19446636469564754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,groovieknave,2019/07/07,"Do I have PTSD Hello, I have been to therapy numerous times and have been told I don’t have PTSD. I’ve had trouble with relationships because I constantly feel like I can’t trust any of them and can’t talk to them. I get a blank mind and I’m constantly questioning their loyalty. I also feel like I have to leave them... it’s ridiculous. I only feel that way certain times and it seems intense and real. I can’t get rid of the feeling and just bringing it up is always hurtful for anyone I’m involved with. It seems like the closer I get and the more feelings I discover for them the more scared and confused I get. It’s relentless and extremely problematic but I can’t find a diagnosis. I guess the problem is that it’s only when I’m in a relationship or “dating” (prefer the term hanging out), but when I’m not involved I’m totally normal and constantly get approached. I’ve been avoiding and rejecting because I can’t find anyone who understands. I haven’t been in a serious relationship since 2005, although I have attempted with people I really like but always eventually fails. I don’t want to hurt people but, I also don’t want to be alone. No therapist or psychologist (tried a 7th one recently), and I just don’t have the time, energy, or funds to constantly change them. I’ve had over a decade of physical abuse and abandonment by parents and family... which I think is the cause. I do have diagnosis for depression and anxiety. Does anyone know how to help? I’m sick of being alone and scared of anyone I like.",3.364782608695652,5.4014387391304375,5.115066889632106,78.87286789297661,74.65217391304348,9.014715719063544,27.887959866220736,9.565088089820216,2.8154254180602014,1209,49,228,33,26,411,134,299,0.22,0.6809999999999999,0.099,-0.9912,1,3,0,0,1,0,34.0,0,0,6,2,7,21,1,4,14,0,31,1,0,2,2,58,57,29,0,5,10,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,20,0,2,14,0,1,3,12,14,0,1,7,5,31,7,24,48,4,22,0,6,0,0,18,6,0,8,17,147,41,1,0.0,0.10608983038086528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547212416686668,0.0,0.1432096336416432,0.1490083047513099,0.0,0.0,0.06089002484795995,0.0,0.06849757862250809,0.0,0.0,0.2504327894748276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916506550510824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198187390483108,0.0947210653474088,0.0,0.0,0.3870421601336372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712035971867734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835674133519731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441000266307819,0.0,0.22636965878232154,0.12793427173891087,0.0,0.0,0.1636752154825842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23390382837612986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986380069569771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06001653249170132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917080705360647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049208643835912516,0.0,0.0,0.09480954901543208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187227235470684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040951033429373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877298349858468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06067437657379274,0.13619786027841213,0.0,0.0,0.09942317261644072,0.0,0.0,0.12415102294253022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567734176585587,0.2093340924092932,0.0,0.10030488759615998,0.0,0.0,0.10191571170769526,0.057361385426585275,0.0,0.08840959119994991,0.2883961884800445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928959756585672,0.0,0.0,0.16302704863038406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406811451546384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196856998855894,0.0,0.0,0.10239638045650544,0.10396242194615067,0.0,0.05737338510870879,0.0,0.0,0.15663385037759742,0.0,0.0,0.08555896203689901,0.0,0.06079153722782825,0.0,0.0,0.09321392180471864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056255977453837,0.07107239757439035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CrispyCrayon,2019/07/07,"Horror movies w/out CSA or SA? I love horror movies! But they are just another thing I've lost to PTSD. I hate hate hate spoilers, but am terrified of triggers Does anyone have any they would recommend? I will throw in XX, Babadook, As Above So Below. I will comment more if I find anymore!",1.3161654135338379,3.878763824561407,2.2839598997493766,93.19105263157898,86.19298245614037,5.3624060150375925,22.177944862155385,6.868970318607317,0.6863102756892232,226,8,46,3,7,71,45,57,0.298,0.615,0.08800000000000001,-0.9185,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,2,1,2,5,3,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,8,11,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,1,5,7,1,3,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,2,0,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151527875374694,0.2490504591849101,0.0,0.0,0.23554658652503785,0.16607285800138902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078470316047778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708028630107296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7034773150126808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592707581528904,0.0,0.21436249154368567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277637054448356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15779141684016867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872063860250022,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lorena1619,2019/07/07,"PTSD from earthquakes I’ve been wanting to talk to someone about this. Three days ago there were 2 earthquakes in California. The second one is the one that impacted me the most, I was pretty calm after it happened, but afterwards I started to search it up on my phone, and I came across the fault of San Andreas. After reading more and more about it, I just started to get really paranoid. I thought that another earthquake was gonna happen and I was gonna die. I remember staying up all night, and I was convinced that I was gonna die. The whole night I was thinking of ways I was gonna die and was was gonna happen when I was dead. I’m making this post after the day a follow up earthquake was likely to happen but didn’t. But yesterday I was just so scared thinking about the earthquake that happened a day ago that when I wanted to do something, I was thinking in my head what’s the point?, I’m gonna die today anyways. I can’t relax in my bed anymore, if I don’t move for more than a few seconds I start to get paranoid and think that the bed is shaking from an earthquake, and I also think back to the day I thought I was gonna die. Honestly I don’t know what to do or if this is considered ptsd at all.",4.782023809523814,4.6741515674603225,5.5715238095238115,85.04014285714288,69.03968253968254,8.14857142857143,31.08571428571429,7.554174236665415,1.856698095238096,953,36,202,9,15,312,114,252,0.19,0.7509999999999999,0.059000000000000004,-0.9905,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,12,8,0,2,14,0,25,1,1,1,2,31,57,17,6,4,8,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,0,14,8,0,0,9,2,0,4,4,3,0,5,20,0,26,5,30,30,8,37,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,4,21,144,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132726905426302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728126392168172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133322509703756,0.0,0.0,0.09583879247321096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430855135048042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105279703581837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492937072745766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5014742218843851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097858940557253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272827143631875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09917832719891126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05310964206538358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04721237836948098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450652378659097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027107544400218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18137617551284405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309686336050871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135401641029127,0.0,0.09255235933569897,0.09831544834892693,0.0,0.0,0.2259289802216783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666401432160558,0.0,0.06190868942738791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947186006291204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967513592177087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188094750085284,0.07439654803875402,0.0,0.0,0.20520232992660528,0.1030031036077956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767385349604798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30960820190081834,0.0,0.15343933692864786,0.0,0.0,0.09160139431213993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399903049361268,0.07670663732353825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789272261608387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kittyKATchaos,2019/07/07,"How to cope and heal after a tramatic experience? *Trigger Warning On the 4th of July, I got really intoxicated and came home from a party with family. I wasn't supposed to drink that much, but it got out of hand. I drank 5 beers and a shot of whiskey. Not too bad, but I am a light weight female. My spouse was mad I came home late and he was hurt. I became anxious because I was intoxicated and I deal with PTSD issues. My SO was aggrevated and started a fight and I did not react correctly. I yelled at him and told him some mean stuff. Then, he throws a glass, a candle and runs in the house and starts hurting himself with some scissors. I hear my family reacting, and I just black out and basically bear hug him and will NOT let go. I basically can not remember what happened besides me screaming and my 3 family members could not get me off of him. I am shocked and scared about how I reacted and freaked out and I have to heal from this. My spouse is ok now, but how the night went was not ok. I cant be drunk and we need to cope together. He told me none of the night was my fault, but I feel so shaken still and in shock. I feel like it was my fault and I can't deal with that. I am trying so hard to be positive, but I feel slightly broken.",1.287576923076923,3.2227879884615405,3.3067692307692336,89.87823076923078,80.65384615384616,6.775384615384616,21.93846153846154,7.839951260653429,0.8838415384615392,967,30,218,17,25,327,138,260,0.183,0.71,0.107,-0.9652,0,0,3,0,1,0,28.0,1,0,0,0,11,16,2,1,11,2,22,12,1,7,1,59,41,32,0,2,12,2,6,1,0,1,4,3,2,0,7,30,6,0,5,4,0,6,10,12,0,0,17,11,38,4,26,19,4,23,0,2,1,1,17,8,0,2,10,150,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400617064455979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351782272341277,0.07557683923495004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2835993645739739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898765609569377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556351346559287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145284995349488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127588003977828,0.3506309186865635,0.0,0.1880634970204249,0.08857108126225266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477424605326658,0.0,0.07046048785559307,0.0,0.1983156914753781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963478827499394,0.0,0.11106140745595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973406748668005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24872337990466725,0.0,0.0,0.1430558614385835,0.26544554267259873,0.0,0.0,0.1294025356839332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13985443673618952,0.0,0.0,0.12677758417363652,0.0,0.06057019079523637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505017638928618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113930240269892,0.09192933385710428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326929914554952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492556730679568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942453356520326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14044476638792333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412525040897428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17550685794040222,0.0,0.09901030252627513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192702861335946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23693572257946674,0.0,0.08417403891353989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097380406384958,0.0,0.11493037055098836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mesu2713,2019/07/07,"Anybody out there still waiting for your day in court? The rescheduling and the waiting and the sheer bureaucratic bullshit is just getting hard. I live in one of the most dangerous cities in America, and my attack was just one of countless numbers flooding our court systems, which are fucked anyway. The judge who saw all the evidence before a mistrial was called is retiring ,and my prosecutor who’s been there for me since day one almost two years ago couldn’t take it anymore and straight up left the justice system because my city is too fucked up for her, my attacker’s lawyers were the scummiest and monstrous as they could be, but it was all an act that they didn’t keep up once the career criminal they represented couldn’t pay so now I get to be verbally harassed by someone new.. I don’t even have a choice, I have a subpoena as a witness for the State but I have this terrible anxiety about court that just makes me want to run and never look back, like I can’t start anything until it’s all over and closed and finalized, and that only happens when my attacker is officially locked up.",8.896857142857145,7.541650685714287,8.220952380952383,73.52571428571429,61.19047619047619,11.82857142857143,39.57142857142857,10.793553405168565,4.1497714285714284,884,39,164,18,10,278,131,210,0.177,0.8,0.023,-0.987,0,0,0,0,0,1,14.0,1,1,3,0,14,9,7,0,15,0,21,2,0,1,4,31,35,17,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,12,0,3,0,0,1,2,6,8,0,4,7,3,19,1,22,23,4,30,0,0,2,2,9,12,2,2,14,121,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324666607836702,0.0,0.14963931723078913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431870334819433,0.0,0.14820109936433387,0.0,0.0,0.12297371093414047,0.0,0.0,0.510017623407735,0.0,0.11490763518739575,0.0,0.09109525468221376,0.0,0.12715966618335806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259162794436007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931308366045845,0.0,0.0,0.19274867999317605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870156281590947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370065324479008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763037314422133,0.156149066322477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214642291262474,0.0,0.1338659740203353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282624800580098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236346416754122,0.0,0.0,0.07300724682980299,0.0,0.13195538647054508,0.0,0.12548923188294972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975018982022912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525483269671903,0.14432694261284926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591452597473131,0.30378662410543184,0.11365338088542574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361562234947447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661727181101176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577209952412624,0.0,0.11934038014946667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235783701515532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597798898461814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814166586220336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623236636586946 ptsd,mooki24,2019/07/07,"PTSD-like symptoms? I experienced a stressful, drawn out event recently (it lasted 3 years) that really messed with my head. I've been diagnosed with ""PTSD-like"" symptoms (apparently I tick all of the boxes for PTSD except one so I can't be fully labelled with PTSD). I can't stop thinking about everything that happened, over and over and over again. I hate myself for not acting ""better"" in the situation and ruminate a lot, wishing I could go back and ""fix"" things. Regret has never been something I've had a problem with before this experience, but this regretful feeling is gnawing away at me constantly. It feels like there is no hope in sight and I'm just an empty shell, instead of the happy, motivated, fun girl I used to be. I'm in therapy which is great for a few days but then I just relapse into negative thinking again. My loved ones are worried so I try not to talk to them about it anymore as I feel like a burden. The last thing I want is to drag others down with me. Is this normal? How do you escape your own head? How do you even start to move on?",3.1930196703880886,5.142279947368422,4.4646491228070175,83.73393274853805,74.88516746411483,7.32387028176502,25.486709197235516,8.167268648758528,1.6275739500265818,835,29,162,14,18,275,134,209,0.139,0.674,0.18600000000000005,0.9342,1,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,3,1,2,14,15,1,1,10,0,17,6,2,4,2,40,33,13,0,8,7,0,3,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,12,12,0,1,6,0,0,3,7,7,0,2,3,5,20,8,31,27,4,29,0,2,1,1,7,12,0,2,16,121,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196193387991847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606897583236,0.08680961955296508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606569855742868,0.0,0.0,0.099846836362921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199985650992867,0.0,0.09013781706815258,0.0,0.0,0.07280821484253817,0.0,0.0,0.11458648832241285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745663689219499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10146313586896206,0.11043339665742727,0.0,0.0,0.17124996954404662,0.16130504014818706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416107639441851,0.0,0.0,0.12446761371821265,0.0,0.0,0.09983305878344713,0.12017928798072815,0.0,0.11146086752439542,0.23172656970337535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213063853915023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404969210921446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206200244768348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09597966017348833,0.10189253624355772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199899790117314,0.0,0.0,0.08707191790803029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061355461862354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15300173465911313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10802568276259593,0.5278748801474641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0723237053951728,0.0,0.11147062053158432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689919711050773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691242009061684,0.0,0.0,0.07990796872665026,0.0,0.0,0.09438563732305112,0.1293213373583822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346831640801091,0.0,0.09074107284640363,0.0,0.0,0.1291057668602965,0.0,0.15000541879811713,0.14467767022248038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664858852846686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975054066581242,0.0,0.0,0.0665886515529104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12982417668235266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465079254398057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270095759327766 ptsd,suicide_bomber_83,2019/07/07,"I was recently given bipolar meds. But I believe my issue is more PTSD. When I was initially given Social Security Disability Insurance and Medicare, the diagnosis was bipolar. Personally, I believe that this diagnosis was given to me, so that I could get the federal benefits. But that diagnosis, from 5 years ago, is what other doctors seem to make their decisions off as well. I don't have mania or elevated moods. I'm terrified of intimacy due to being molested as a child, which causes my depression. I need to describe this better on my next visit. I've taken bipolar meds some years before, for probably a year. Aside from feeling weighed down, it didn't seem to do much for me. Gonna take the bipolar meds now, my next appointment is in 4 weeks.",5.085707792207792,7.031843635714285,6.989350649350651,67.62110389610393,69.78571428571429,10.519480519480519,34.15584415584415,10.637119530657019,4.369357142857143,599,30,98,19,11,209,94,140,0.076,0.8370000000000001,0.086,-0.1593,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,4,7,1,0,5,0,13,6,0,2,0,13,26,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,9,1,1,1,4,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,9,1,14,4,16,14,3,16,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,4,11,68,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362990190035826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282763045224973,0.33968502378315324,0.0,0.13332524906630766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15486075923947762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203608181156912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298399016224949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429799976014133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07622322907681182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876013591292022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734280086505334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062613491848912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5023444993250722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11081786792767016,0.11177848095701023,0.0,0.0,0.3206465651947034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162822107861769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253292987538642,0.0,0.17621752585053316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488464611129975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2744724743659143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366963166617886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133444947524678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092176297204996,0.0,0.13554146443144027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912322602766716 ptsd,SymbolicDysfunction,2019/07/07,"PTSD makes me feel like I am constantly fighting myself, correcting my behaviour, that if I don't, something bad will happen. I'm exhausted. /vent/ Title, basically. Btw, I swear a lot, so it's NSFW in that context. TW - death. &#x200B; I've been working hard in trying to get better (which I recognise isn't the most helpful phrase, I should be working to live with myself), so I've been running 3 times a week, trying to eat properly (I have a poor relationship with food and body image, so when stressed I just do **not** eat), getting up in the morning (I like the mornings), and I've been doing art therapy. I make sure I go outside at least once a day. I've tried 2 medications. These all *help* but fuck, I am EXHAUSTED. Even when I do take days to myself, I am exhausted. Can I say why? &#x200B; Because by my most up to date count, I have had 64 episodes of panic attacks (including some fun flashbacks) over the past 7 weeks - and I only know that because that's when I started keeping a panic journal to figure out wtf is going on as I was having frequent panic attacks before then too. Because I'm fucking terrified of reaching out for help. I'm scared of a bad reaction **every single time.** I've convinced myself a lot lately that my SO doesn't love me, that my best friend finds me annoying, or that my family thinks I am a failure. I can honestly say that **none of this is true.** My SO and best friends are worried sick about me, same with my family. They don't think I'm failing, and the only thing I know they're all struggling with is that they don't know **how** to help, and damn it all I don't have that answer for them either. I **wish**, fucking WISH, I could give them something, ANYTHING, to work with, because ffs then **I'd** have something to work with too. Because I'm apologising and thanking people for every basic thing they do, I'm convinced one fuck up and that's it, they'll hate me forever now. Because despite my usually extremely useful grounding procedures, I'm still feeling the pain in my body and I still shake. I'm fed up of feeling that the people I love will suddenly turn hostile, and I'm also scared of them suddenly dying. Because I'm fed up of all of the crazy thoughts in my head!! &#x200B; Oh there's so much more I could put here and vent about but fuck do I feel guilty for how long this already is. I have a lot of **feelings** okay lol. I've been referred further on to specialists, and I live with my best friend, so don't worry you kind hearted folk at Reddit. I just need a bit of TLC I think, and I'm too scared of human irl people to reach out right now, but they know, they're aware, and I am safe. I'm just bloody scared and fed up. And maybe also hungry, who knows lol.",0.7402324366675401,3.2120924734917766,2.4502588143118302,91.41355484460695,88.61608775137111,5.0269939932097145,22.439514233481326,6.610729790773281,0.6835961034212596,2121,80,429,26,70,695,252,547,0.233,0.606,0.161,-0.9947,0,0,3,0,2,0,120.0,0,1,8,9,29,50,12,10,18,3,43,23,4,5,7,81,97,38,2,7,10,0,6,2,3,4,6,2,0,1,22,26,6,2,18,1,1,5,9,29,0,1,10,8,62,21,56,80,21,52,0,1,0,7,25,22,6,8,27,272,84,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06590463924274134,0.09551921807669693,0.0,0.19412607159398265,0.21770606008371304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049146063038795686,0.0,0.0,0.1358846433138177,0.0,0.0,0.09973064059688062,0.2548415565080761,0.0,0.0508189671009151,0.0,0.1880234555296714,0.05281919736652307,0.06520088407654744,0.13267521064291993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453819404215423,0.0,0.09536620935299546,0.0,0.0,0.07703141350806708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06198193860876764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12222089614679185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039445774152300064,0.0,0.10063661035227928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11260104850773947,0.0,0.15098602135442166,0.04266536157857674,0.0,0.0,0.05458476571678469,0.0,0.07221599964555916,0.0,0.13842305417213735,0.2760598281568073,0.06240449116025677,0.057290721008979674,0.06788270276300644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052811908996495814,0.0,0.053499122275626934,0.058963045549245,0.06129193405658687,0.0,0.0,0.0707707793332164,0.16012141388831802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05308359899129875,0.0,0.0621912039963157,0.1641080652989758,0.0,0.06736894284998089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05835424055647155,0.0,0.1054711237471429,0.05285203224534444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232035781630196,0.1078027542597772,0.0,0.07972970937930457,0.0,0.059998709870850674,0.0,0.0,0.060163565433197966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0439024931796514,0.04428305732293932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360191059092098,0.040469128090377816,0.09084244395224944,0.06354834847942524,0.2102124651985764,0.0,0.0,0.057011343675304325,0.12421100801675593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698117449059528,0.060037038973184416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411900680007326,0.0,0.05100220531607917,0.0,0.09498655795044886,0.2391682980159015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793058761569027,0.0,0.0,0.042271492268314635,0.0,0.09538802726772448,0.0,0.06841127361118597,0.0624343324329741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056287216009626266,0.0,0.04490346187736722,0.0,0.0,0.05498393292712237,0.068297236340707,0.0,0.07935319846035738,0.11480221151274896,0.0,0.04741254458675897,0.06964867996636345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164181879438972,0.06496031460080239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515805758718171,0.06577527284350478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581066615749784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053889756277304274,0.0,0.13735455345239225,0.0,0.0,0.1739131169307773,0.1213010458858697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21770606008371304,0.0 ptsd,buildbanner3,2019/07/07,Do I have ptsd I know I dont but looking at these threads i'm starting to think that I forget most of my life and I dont remember much of anything. ID rather not remember my life because there are more bad moments than good moments in life and I dont know if I have PTSD. I dont want to diaagnose myself with a mental disease because im ok although I have periods where I zone out of reality and i feel much better but it inhibits my focus and I cant do anything. when I got a job I started getting these periods of time where Id resist the feeling and it happened forceibly and I started realizing that life may not be real,0.603859649122807,2.834359511278201,3.216872180451129,87.79172431077697,85.46616541353383,5.651929824561403,27.663659147869677,7.0316486544052195,1.5560780952380948,497,25,102,7,15,173,75,133,0.091,0.81,0.099,0.2564,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,1,13,4,0,0,0,27,27,11,0,3,6,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,8,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,3,19,3,11,24,4,14,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,3,9,73,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605348623688025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453454920388347,0.15263827255696394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072687296451876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5869213991140503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266070734844237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541044269537374,0.0,0.0,0.1050095886437976,0.10013174960134842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071159407990172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523461091301955,0.0,0.1242390414461451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761036747846964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537223343930206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513423364331187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616947175030102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840689002294436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926979808493697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425019818336317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28364836037235924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26584596440957364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022140007170113,0.0,0.0,0.07300357562485245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384463474213589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,meowymcmeowmeow,2019/07/07,dissociation and losing stuff? So I'm pretty sure I have this problem where I disassociate and put something somewhere I'd never normally put it; wallet keys lighter toothbrush etc. Right now it's my wallet but I know I saw it in here last night. Anyone else deal with this? Any tips or tricks to make your brain remember or not forget in the first place?,3.1675840336134438,5.796939750000004,3.989747899159663,83.76029411764709,77.97058823529412,6.238655462184874,22.94957983193277,7.447530270364453,1.0554050420168068,285,9,53,4,7,91,55,68,0.081,0.821,0.098,0.2869,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,2,4,4,1,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,2,15,5,6,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,1,1,6,1,4,4,1,12,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,2,5,31,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13891838634226752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283833471863594,0.2093104792071608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280456503061286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106051977544772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17065093279578886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22782780829442506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376169104994502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226773864595277,0.16651664111772524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22853868153621384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635944946712808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755444238526525,0.0,0.0,0.1917042958415141,0.20015244107287575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134306288356152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20782766802511074,0.0,0.1954697521297929,0.0,0.41071854623591225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23141105262014086,0.1744552361384927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572658351019068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23385337831634945,0.0,0.0,0.1925328424463624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,schro1995,2019/07/07,"starting EMDR therapy first time posting here: I have PTSD for 3 years, due to a violent relationship (5 years, started when I was 16 so it fucked me up pretty bad). I already had a cognitive behavioral therapy that helped me with panic attacks among other things, but I still felt like a ""residual"" PTSD that was keeping me from being truly happy and eating away my energy. I didn't know much about EMDR before starting, and I was extremely surprized of my body reactions during sessions. I felt waves of powerful and out of control emotions flowing through me, for seconds / minutes and was very emotional the rest of the day. I'm a very quiet person and rarely go angry, because I hate it. I think I never felt so angry in my life than during the last session, I was pure rage for a few seconds: pure rage at the person who broke me to nothing, at the situation we were working on... At the end I cried for at least 5 minutes and felt exhausted. But it worked: whenever I think about this situation, it feels away and blurry, and not ""here"". I don't know how to explain it: before starting, I thought that this was already a memory, a haunting one sure but past (at least the ""thinking"" part of me knew it), but it wasn't: my body was still feeling it as it just happened. I know now to distinguish these ""pathological"" memories and my normal memories and I feel like I took a big step towards a peaceful future. What really feels good is that I can FEEL the change in my mindset, my emotions and reactions to triggers (it was a pretty big situation responsible for multiple symptoms). I just felt like I could share this positivity with other people struggling with PTSD too.",8.76311181434599,7.337532294303802,8.94435443037975,68.458029535865,61.5,11.844388185654012,40.05400843881857,10.793553405168565,4.383264388185655,1319,60,230,27,15,437,167,316,0.12,0.6990000000000001,0.18100000000000002,0.9703,1,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,1,0,0,5,14,18,6,2,18,0,18,8,2,3,4,53,48,20,0,2,7,0,10,3,0,0,4,1,0,2,23,16,1,2,20,0,0,4,5,11,0,4,20,11,35,7,38,26,6,40,0,1,0,1,8,16,1,0,22,171,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792370408482668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238940400911684,0.15260109228182062,0.0,0.06780791575479142,0.04950556158382035,0.0,0.13820940963783002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041455368543405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591062556769667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108520715539006,0.06484049286116769,0.0,0.08920663186312873,0.052374471540202784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309927801322067,0.0,0.2740548297754118,0.07192897171043401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053139808363367,0.058017259816103825,0.3898771848021231,0.0,0.0,0.06907816035691199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507839700580239,0.0,0.0,0.046154166488984336,0.06811605726941236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181474930175287,0.08645077635375592,0.0,0.08017919470526673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544341201384841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721841990950914,0.0,0.0,0.13389456800688976,0.06619792410928098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057361834995647176,0.1190269932261466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05969953749688881,0.0,0.0626350432610885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956968153748792,0.07792428605500165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05503077513187123,0.0,0.0,0.09528378336876564,0.0,0.08794375849405163,0.07752522927489172,0.0563015840602241,0.1418208826226588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777778302228414,0.16524186535817226,0.0,0.0,0.284794455682614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052025940453197306,0.0,0.0,0.08719037971398043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738541963394953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22992667203614456,0.0,0.1297106541836034,0.0,0.0,0.08489952392733688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654054518069275,0.08440947717686083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1857440489847046,0.0,0.053953077648650524,0.15611047196990954,0.0,0.06447257953660035,0.047354873039282576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902285727309701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134015403187278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824536482385925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104594632422988 ptsd,ghitulescu789,2019/07/07,"Trauma Hello Group my name is Bogdan I have 24 years old and 2 years ago I was in Greece at my sister and after severe stress which she put me I have the following simptoms: I hear my thoughts really loud,I'm daydreaming a lot,I have brain fog(inability to think clearly) , I have insomnia, I feel disconnected from my body, I have a slight of depersonalization, I look at my hands how they are moving by themselves, what do you think, please I need help",5.255517241379311,6.421527367816093,5.7983333333333364,79.31750000000002,68.42528735632183,9.018390804597699,25.99425287356322,9.2995712137729,1.9660666666666669,359,10,70,7,6,116,65,87,0.10099999999999999,0.8370000000000001,0.062,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,3,0,9,4,3,1,1,10,17,3,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,2,4,18,0,8,15,0,11,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,5,43,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055649223973202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575880761016067,0.0,0.2588765454189926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725535937107485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26136760018484434,0.0,0.15543735241230586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473718187737316,0.0,0.0,0.1971526694443244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24647247787678356,0.0,0.17195054727160994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24333952462582506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545560223757764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23312305726141336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856076336371316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619804371970324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26564010364518514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29718368289478986,0.0,0.1841023064369503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29867136088553176 ptsd,ZiggyZoggyOiOiOi,2019/07/07,"Service Dog-suggested by therapist Those with service dogs, did they greatly improve your quality of life?",11.451176470588234,12.895643529411773,9.781176470588235,55.21529411764711,54.88235294117647,13.858823529411767,58.17647058823529,13.023866798666859,8.799164705882351,88,7,10,3,1,27,16,17,0.0,0.8240000000000001,0.17600000000000002,0.4927,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,3,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6300004256230872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4036158794144344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6634709380215847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anxiouspartner,2019/07/07,"Delayed reaction About 15 years ago I was a passenger in a car that my ex was driving. Our two young kids were passengers and he was driving too close to the car in front, and too fast. I saw it coming. The car in front brakes and my ex wasn’t watching. Our car clipped the back of the car in front and rolled several times into the freeway. When the car stopped it was eerie. We were upside down and had been hit from behind. I was left in the car with our kids (3 and 9). My ex had crawled out and I turned round and was blindly feeling and calling for our kids. To cut a long story short it was an absolute miracle that any of us, never mind all of us survived. I have since been such a nervous passenger but have done almost all of the required hours to help our kids through learning to drive. I am only just realising the absolute trauma I have experienced. I’m not doing great with it, but like always I just get on with things. It’s getting worse though..",3.2336923076923085,4.598369087179492,4.063589743589745,89.08307692307693,73.51282051282051,7.2512820512820495,26.84615384615385,7.793537801064563,1.3869076923076924,752,27,161,10,15,241,112,195,0.1,0.831,0.069,-0.7462,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,8,0,0,2,9,5,1,1,14,0,20,1,0,0,3,33,28,13,0,0,5,3,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,8,17,0,4,2,0,0,14,3,3,0,1,16,6,19,2,25,11,2,38,0,0,4,0,18,12,0,1,13,110,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596329894369302,0.0,0.1874783782755778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578585374436538,0.0,0.0,0.1273191386384345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439641498977793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117723520027385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127740278270067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915957543963508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466637611663624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563423747940106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064157669509752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549269342538366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18437850362223207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20342006042695565,0.0,0.0,0.09146847560729214,0.0,0.0,0.16568786693576382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904346006143205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14439914270043192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239273426430754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21151049074361572,0.0,0.1548741122085079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565281372012308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438369565803313,0.0,0.18394720508712964,0.0,0.10917216167723562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20364658660086224,0.18289121565929806,0.0,0.4504162490421028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079784810865366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056649494109245 ptsd,BEN684,2019/07/07,"Do I have ptsd I was in a house fire about 4 and a half years ago I lost everything I owned luckily my family survived but my dog died Fast forward to 2019 yesterday my fire alarm went off for no reason I shut it off after that I couldn't stop shaking Do I have minor ptsd",1.6335593220338964,3.1183750677966136,3.612000000000002,90.18342372881357,77.98305084745763,7.431864406779661,21.969491525423727,8.238735603445708,1.0130447457627114,215,6,49,4,5,73,45,59,0.271,0.597,0.132,-0.8702,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,2,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,5,8,2,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,3,0,1,3,2,10,0,7,4,1,13,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,7,32,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23216494106954205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27181833648398024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23538531448242125,0.0,0.24690281055033186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3022057585839361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28590266086042915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6123110310297978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692842347623376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896615685723544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427906096780637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865965771418345 ptsd,WanderinWorld,2019/07/07,"Weird feelings I'm not sure if this is the right place to post or what... Maybe someone can point me to a better sub if it's not. I'm a police officer and was involved in an on-duty shooting a few years ago. I was forced to take the life of a person that shot at me. I did all the required group sessions, the talking, etc... It sucked, but I was fine with it, but now I don't know so much... Within the last couple months, I have started thinking about the incident every day, I wake up at night, not startled, but just replaying the incident. Loud noises make me jump and makes me angry for no reason... And the biggest change is that I used to feel bad about even killing a bug... Now, I don't even think twice about killing a pest coyote, a skunk, or whatever... I don't know if it's PTSD or normal or what...",2.868035714285714,3.680271636904763,3.9878571428571448,91.40714285714287,73.70238095238095,6.790476190476189,24.714285714285715,6.816661863887847,0.7063357142857143,617,18,140,5,12,201,106,168,0.184,0.7809999999999999,0.035,-0.9801,0,0,0,1,0,0,37.0,0,0,0,2,9,9,3,1,16,0,11,2,1,4,2,32,25,14,2,4,14,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,9,4,0,1,7,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,4,3,13,3,15,21,4,20,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,7,9,92,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823037428442665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396216528247011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789243492373028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768965083714175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18502566674432971,0.0,0.1078430180439023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18649441927396146,0.22089436711253896,0.0,0.14088999918145664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910283723246708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37000814325002906,0.0,0.18379939550592755,0.1363065576462411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811237850330347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22324119721175772,0.0,0.16799489082555638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347334898433585,0.0,0.12292588564922588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692457208333566,0.16384002261880667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460099887780016,0.1747092309668172,0.0,0.15807687964248432,0.0,0.16015046455788987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547114411396674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192993362318368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428049025117455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416849000373756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835912378674257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760280060631254,0.0,0.12572857303124682,0.13440504175883758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21429555214471424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14442432563896032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076841493572801 ptsd,MamaC2005,2019/07/07,"PTSD from witnessing suicide? 18 days ago I discovered my son's suicide. He was actively dying but not declared deceased for another 30 minutes. On top of the other grief and pain is this almost constant imagery. I can't even repeat every detail. I wasn't allowed to see my son's body after EMS or the ME completed their roles. He was directly cremated after the ME released him for tissue donations, etc. I feel like I'm going crazy (apologies for this language in advance) because I can't stop seeing the worst thing I've ever seen. Is this normal and can therapy help? Thank you",3.3889680589680613,5.951903081081087,4.8229320229320285,78.45759213759214,76.74774774774775,7.27960687960688,29.910728910728913,8.296473431620573,2.7128306306306307,466,22,76,9,11,155,84,111,0.185,0.687,0.128,-0.8787,1,0,0,0,0,2,12.0,0,1,1,2,2,5,0,0,4,0,8,2,1,1,1,11,15,4,5,1,3,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,3,0,0,4,4,12,2,10,11,2,13,0,1,3,0,10,3,0,2,9,48,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695962102508266,0.0,0.19158225138858148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20061874614377276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11662866622091107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21251661520440174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005984243219372,0.2067520900518037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338744505335095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985629679140856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133756114054118,0.12636697339830352,0.17306251972145678,0.16119779794637878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673860865472388,0.1366811205380953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873321513652677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282397093488403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347070659085883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874558237992565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035810586655048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22364623590244048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30491916696994875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995451425653287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4185524070822099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614442456393353,0.21879441418797785,0.0,0.12710643578946687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SirJerryCan,2019/07/07,"Anyone still in denial that they have PTSD? Probably not the first to post this, but I was diagnosed this last January. After two combat deployments to Iraq, I just assumed it was normal to have these issues. Finally decided to seek treatment, but I’m finding it impossible to explain my symptoms, because in my mind I’m just fine. It didn’t seem to work with the last counselor. I just cope in my own way for now. Sure it’s not healthy how I cope, but I do it. I just think about how I know there are others out there who are going through some serious mental crisis, and I don’t think I can even compare myself to their level of trauma, even though I went through plenty of my own. Maybe it’s because I just have such little regard for my life, and feel underserving. Not only have I not come to terms with having PTSD, I hate being associated with the stigma that comes with it. I don’t want people thinking I’m the stereotypical combat vet who can’t cope with reality. It makes me feel weak. How do I overcome these feelings?",4.706403940886702,5.7360274975369485,5.585197044334979,80.84557881773401,69.5911330049261,8.164532019704433,27.80049261083744,8.418075326091056,1.8893014778325123,814,27,157,12,14,267,115,203,0.14300000000000002,0.825,0.032,-0.9765,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,2,17,6,1,0,4,0,17,4,0,4,1,43,36,9,0,2,12,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,17,10,0,0,12,0,0,4,8,4,0,2,4,3,24,2,25,31,4,20,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,3,8,117,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529184106335723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835892296841614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594295820372024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528396004086808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19891863686214276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284194000383841,0.0,0.0,0.16495742249608622,0.13763105710512605,0.12808668200290896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08558036310809665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14867053439756542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15717058351392568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275703379864405,0.2454921327038425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636193958016464,0.0,0.1509247378857097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051599599688228,0.0,0.1512818779385128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517532643698576,0.0,0.15204692345115225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475403578136133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452592520074414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439599225749198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442178563406473,0.0,0.1623550317415013,0.0,0.3520492988689393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708602718849644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202565849246887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419236473616904,0.1565144440054931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894644599280077,0.14794802529454049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14709869708373352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881835061096847,0.11952657805054137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959288593147212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962695274640548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bugbody,2019/07/07,"advice on dealing with fireworks? the 4th of july was thursday but this is my first year living in this neighborhood and apparently they are all very big on fireworks. they started around sun-mon and have been going pretty steadily every evening / night since then. on thurs the people directly across the street were setting off big ones that honestly sounded like cannons & i could smell the gunpowder/smoke & they shook my house & they set off the same ones last night & there's a lot of noise tonight too. at this point what i'm doing to cope is taking my max ativan dose & playing music at full volume with noise canceling headphones but i can still hear/feel some of it & am very fearful of them going off while the music is transitioning from one song to another etc. i dont know what else i can do. i am trying to be calm but its really hard. last night i had a friend over but i ended up having a panic attack / blacking out / having to shut myself in the bedroom with music on blast and it still didnt work. i dont know what to do. in my city it's not even legal for them to be doing this but i'm obviously not going to call the cops or anything i just. i need it to stop i'm losing my mind ha ha does anyone have any advice on how to cope? ive been barely able to move around this week bc my body has been tensing up so bad during it that my muscles and joints have a hard time functioning even the day after? idk if thats even possible i dont know. i'm sorry if there have been other posts like this or anything that i missed ive been having a very hard time focusing",2.5957230499561774,4.383761705521477,3.682616126205087,89.39725460122702,76.11656441717791,6.252234881682735,21.458808063102538,7.021680442328713,0.498434180543383,1260,32,261,13,28,407,179,326,0.121,0.7859999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.8253,1,0,1,1,0,0,31.0,0,0,6,3,14,15,1,3,14,2,37,2,1,1,2,35,51,17,0,4,12,0,3,2,1,0,1,2,1,0,20,10,0,1,3,2,0,5,6,7,0,4,9,7,28,8,40,39,6,55,0,2,1,0,9,26,0,6,23,176,48,2,0.08261076789317577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145257256822707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.53705239498705,0.0,0.05617815501129807,0.0866245931015382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776336970693485,0.0,0.13596324616496233,0.1470821958496015,0.0,0.09398167455616112,0.0,0.0,0.06897654053672163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176193986480508,0.0,0.0,0.08435483045649696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595797606333755,0.0,0.0,0.05327711107278645,0.08516807427121878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07229323968745897,0.0,0.2904576141537209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901069619254223,0.0,0.07316862017837307,0.0,0.092132843371175,0.2182545322909392,0.0,0.06960313492320402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929600810404191,0.0417704864226344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026867696820496,0.0,0.0,0.06382487434939753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408488094787549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22200906487143712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310833938334036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532173461471327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620215272759592,0.13467760349050373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071889672307914,0.0,0.07294682154910308,0.0,0.0,0.09242031825640867,0.0,0.07023272067376198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341332588938294,0.0,0.0,0.08780217250560007,0.0,0.0612548376355507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.232573828382562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16793758292367986,0.0,0.0,0.09692593663835554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727190479140001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809387781899456,0.09313122830359254,0.07911827991623502,0.08404485005451648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05292257328197636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683364808773553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247599121322644,0.058472326710078674,0.0,0.13194613190433874,0.06906630102401548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062113016418752075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963420061934162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056087288686242895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044876056341368,0.0,0.0,0.06626537499920221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060141622915728964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053198626022788006 ptsd,throwawayacct17983,2019/07/07,"Feeling like it was your fault *******TRIGGER********** I’ve been struggling dearly with ptsd since i eas like 8, now i’m 20, i’ve recently open up in therapy and we’re working it out even tho the only thing i have achieved so far is to tell her “a family friend took advantage of me when I was 7 or 8. Because of therapy a lot of repressed memories are coming out. One bad is nightmares. I had a nightmare last night, samr place same situation as it happened, tho i felt my brain of an adult inside the 7 year old child i was. I told him it was ok to hurt me. And i let him do it, no resist. I feel dishuding i woke up dobbing anf have been taking extra of my meds to knock me out to a continuous dreanless sleep since the nighmare, what is thid? Why did it happen??? Why does dream feel as if i had asked him to fo that to me? Like i had gave him permission for fucks sale. I wa7",-1.5939690382081653,0.1752858152173946,1.0138932806324128,97.72451910408434,106.6086956521739,4.186824769433466,17.53227931488801,6.1124844417494595,-0.1823528985507248,666,22,154,9,33,225,119,184,0.107,0.775,0.11800000000000001,-0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,0,3,6,13,1,2,8,1,18,3,2,1,0,18,33,10,0,1,2,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,2,9,8,0,1,4,1,1,2,1,6,0,1,15,4,25,7,21,17,3,19,0,1,0,1,13,9,1,3,11,96,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608445588535986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154143668522092,0.0887356145935076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624996732012641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12539212373956593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738569006030367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614489655210852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722656473461947,0.0,0.22080746111692984,0.10399229989738656,0.13976608083044054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246384443635042,0.13457331838818254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574468690908624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583129440578386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186556276249016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488509834786188,0.0,0.21334842105076304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375491299764975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616908867479908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660372554225958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274691326187045,0.0,0.09863921338647448,0.11070941772631508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208537146124065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015873401773876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372875378746902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24082721456359804,0.16362215775192324,0.14567101453840947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217707250190274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944743232474458,0.0,0.12723100270789262,0.0,0.3329345596017056,0.0,0.0967075082313365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909444464120355,0.16172905829219705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627011462619575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059737005781984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373965968976307 ptsd,anymnous16,2019/07/07,"Any advice on how to stop or ease recurring nightmares? It causes me to constantly relive my traumas, as well as not move on. My emotional response is the same eachtime. Anger, sadness,boredom, and fear.",4.134166666666665,7.20772075,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,77.6111111111111,6.933333333333335,34.0,8.07648339933343,3.2139666666666664,161,9,25,3,4,50,32,36,0.265,0.602,0.133,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,7,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,6,1,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292413654112663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291220532195532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34611705054613784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640986131709601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.378997756617483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791367771183189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3581002978395188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816862300963719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30293802074912657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,loverofcats32,2019/07/07,I don’t know if this belongs here if not I will delete. I have suffered from ptsd as a kid from being relentlessly bullied and harassed all through school All through school I was bullied horribly and made to feel like shit every single day Even though I am in my early 30s now I still have flashbacks and night terrors even to the point where it feels like I’m going to school the next day. I feel like I will never get over this or ever get my life back.,8.579193548387098,5.877010978494628,7.688252688172046,81.35237903225809,62.8709677419355,10.160215053763439,35.077956989247305,7.1686216300943375,2.2551956989247306,363,11,77,2,4,112,63,93,0.243,0.6859999999999999,0.071,-0.9638,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,9,7,2,1,3,0,8,2,1,1,4,16,17,8,0,2,4,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,3,10,3,10,12,3,15,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,3,13,54,13,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105875940802522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21984094299950427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251496056496216,0.15417382018480374,0.1436040591271366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585405704192867,0.3652896745248037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780969809497051,0.0,0.09686565979482868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936700241788315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038765763913442,0.2498068778903651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127558123228888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314547581140055,0.0,0.18126614610025532,0.15994751692014988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161122022164085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19923663780307294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5174867708641202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495543891040832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611455969974431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16745761019260996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Additionalhandle00,2019/07/07,"Newly accepting- questions about behaviors Possible trigger for sexual abuse mention? Hope this post is ok- please be gentle with me as I am still deeply conflicted and coming to terms with these things. After years of anxiety and depression and being misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder has my treatment finally come around to me accepting I have ptsd after sexual abuse trauma. Through my life I’ve had a habit of engaging in behaviors similar to what I experienced (not abusing others but putting myself back in that role). I’m still not comfortable addressing this in therapy as Im still coming to grips with my experiences after years of denial. Does anyone have any information on if this is a thing? I feel so insecure and like I’ve lost my sense of self AGAIN after realIzing how much of my life has been in response to my experiences, which has caused a worsening of my depression and anxiety.",8.12217391304348,9.204274788819877,8.425645962732924,63.33076708074538,61.98136645962733,13.148074534161491,37.218012422360246,12.516099999999998,5.505864099378883,735,34,113,27,10,242,103,161,0.20600000000000002,0.706,0.08800000000000001,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,9,12,0,1,3,1,12,3,0,3,0,28,19,11,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,1,1,10,13,0,1,6,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,3,3,14,7,30,14,2,24,0,3,0,0,5,6,0,3,14,86,24,0,0.0,0.4585845786560768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877345368197707,0.0,0.19739204734198496,0.0,0.0,0.09021019799186897,0.0,0.0,0.11485058849569205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920447267399934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325338119504033,0.0,0.3334046644664724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222406397825259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14786222021718104,0.0,0.11290178358303694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524026009425007,0.0,0.0,0.06523379556144794,0.0,0.0,0.14132948567824993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814087798286264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935820042814934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18225403851666527,0.06303014948762573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408349727219037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484077529258543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14161958661561302,0.0,0.14544488292698052,0.12356058402117072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15081148089506605,0.12969558013910473,0.14452618267084022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459064821255168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3090943294273214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753974947135393,0.0,0.17142349599896795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661626948275125 ptsd,itsforthenguyen,2019/06/15,"My Middle School Mentor Was a Predator I just found out. And a memory came back. It was in 98-00. I was the ""star"" player in the school band. He lavished me with attention and praise I wasn't getting elsewhere. I was a pleaser because my dad is a narcissist. I thought I had finally gotten male approval with this teacher. Once I messed up my solo for a competition and couldn't get back to class. I was crying and ashamed. He kissed me on the cheek. It was nonconsentual. He told me not to make a big deal about it. I didn't think about it until recently. I wanted to become a school teacher like him. Found a blog and accounts of sexual abuse from other female students over the last 30-something years. They called him out. Corraborating accounts of numerous assaults and inappropriate conduct. He's dead now. I'm still trying to process things. I should've tried. I should've reported. It might've stopped the cycle then, instead of growing up thinking that was normal. My male role model...a criminal, pedophile, predator, narcissist. I guess I was lucky. It never amounted to sex. But my trust was broken with him. I kept on the appearances to stay hidden. What do I do to cope when I can't get any justice from what he did? I can't confront him. Then again, I haven't confronted the other men who've raped and assaulted me, either.",2.1093838205645166,4.8477785195312535,3.302520161290325,86.09368951612906,84.1171875,6.1157258064516125,24.664314516129032,7.4822170145007005,1.4905921370967747,1055,42,196,18,31,340,148,256,0.154,0.748,0.098,-0.9543,0,0,1,0,1,0,43.0,0,0,1,2,10,12,5,1,15,0,20,4,1,1,1,33,37,12,1,3,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,13,13,0,2,6,2,2,3,8,7,0,0,20,0,33,5,28,16,2,30,1,0,0,3,20,11,0,3,16,130,46,7,0.0,0.1770640939078408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016255473217772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298230365762093,0.0,0.09109833308555447,0.16504672501439774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15259678450908856,0.1709216053379488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415479802503047,0.0,0.15406793192858878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370618521942018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277104363854481,0.0,0.0,0.2342315146568344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646269888830225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181501122593992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730097139808453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975356070182607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853413174898487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152587275303549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642123269201765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915063778046065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755574688339956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.453729234143531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150475972839951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928507296734187,0.11934441304696734,0.12494003481681824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928249031789403,0.19151254012243946,0.0,0.11864009492278292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279804232292634,0.0,0.20292234265748466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814464445422324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623561836883206 ptsd,AshIsAwake,2019/06/15,"Clinging to my trauma It feels like the only real choice I have, that I've ever had. To cling to it, to never let go of what was done to me. The people that hurt me didn't give me a choice in things. Now as a person who is disabled in multiple ways, very little of my life is truly in my control either. I used to self harm to feel like I was in control of something, anything. I can't do that anymore. So I cling to the horrors in my head. I fight against healing and I hate every step forward I make. It's not a good choice, it's not even that meaningful because it's not like I'd just be instantly okay, but I'm slowing it down. I hate myself for it and I hate everyone who has ever told me I need to heal and I just need to feel like any part of my life is within my own control.",0.16859097127223066,1.9227206744186065,2.5570451436388524,94.75047195622436,83.53488372093022,4.977291381668947,20.582763337893297,5.900188976854957,-0.05664336525307824,604,18,141,4,17,207,95,172,0.153,0.778,0.07,-0.9353,0,0,1,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,3,7,13,4,0,6,1,14,5,1,5,3,25,28,6,0,2,7,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,15,3,0,3,4,0,0,3,6,7,0,0,6,3,23,6,24,20,3,17,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,0,10,100,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743224267210296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750723320139673,0.0,0.0,0.10580243807215754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837528825444733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326077195043612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13157210041216438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491949952659546,0.2325984735779857,0.10832605987364348,0.12285447329447148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950270868472493,0.2755520379738352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12333638926228754,0.0730694893056246,0.107838704429351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3808097896068627,0.13195026531882514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763721222944628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147188747761593,0.1816260722535553,0.2512519026335892,0.12886126116296787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582170287430722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19066656168806728,0.09916137527509608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778354008737336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922915328372876,0.0,0.08913448789851171,0.11226266504654464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14634119891356626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412690876899547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897973206212816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541642348138864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285447329447148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11104349660920232,0.0,0.10608399863876808,0.0,0.10205315447856107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jade-call,2019/06/15,"Been wanting to fight people lately I've been making progress lately, making peace with some of the things that happened. I don't know if that has put me in a vulnerable position emotionally, or if it's more unrelated, but recently I've been thinking more about starting fights with people. I don't like it. I've been peaceful and gentle for years, and I want to stay that way. Lately, some part of me is just getting tired of stupid shitty people and thinking, ""Why don't I just fight this guy? I've probably seen more blood than he ever will. I'm good at it. I could just fight him."" On one hand, I don't want to perpetuate the cycle of violence and I know I would gain nothing (and possibly lose a lot). But on the other hand, I feel like conflict is such a deep part of ""who I am"" that I'm almost not doing myself justice if I don't make use of it. I don't want to put that energy anywhere. I thought about joining a martial arts class to get it out, but it's not right to spar with someone like that. That's a bad way to spar. It's not fair for the less experienced people, and it's dangerous for everyone no matter the skill level. And it doesn't make friends. I don't know what will happen. I've been violent before, but I was more unstable. I'm different now, or at least I feel different. I want to think that this is a different kind of feeling, but maybe it's the same and I just don't remember. I think it comes from the same place, at least. A dark weight in my chest. The same weight that tells me to look over my shoulder when I'm in public, that tells me ""it's happening again"" when I hear certain noises. The same weight that stops me from remembering things. The only thing I can think of doing is to just keep doing what I've been doing. Keep trying to let these thoughts and feelings and memories, slowly, day by day, show themselves to me so I can let them go. Each time they do, the weight gets a little lighter. But the hardest stuff is still in front of me, and I worry that the impulse for conflict will get stronger before its root cause can be exposed.",3.482223828362752,4.598516511792454,4.466363359707856,87.40194765672554,72.56132075471697,7.546439440048692,25.46987218502739,7.941651935203635,1.2691994217894091,1627,50,347,22,31,529,193,424,0.184,0.708,0.10800000000000001,-0.9906,3,0,0,0,4,0,55.0,0,0,2,4,15,16,7,0,21,0,39,10,5,7,2,82,82,25,0,10,19,0,10,3,1,4,1,1,0,1,36,17,4,5,16,2,0,5,13,9,0,1,10,14,36,7,45,64,17,40,0,1,2,0,15,16,0,9,19,234,72,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763305531155055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364654742570247,0.0,0.0,0.12972750522229273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830635606377398,0.0,0.06566300323624756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086123512360901,0.0,0.0,0.098320505789741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389236725710136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08574536628643803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895188754781073,0.0,0.0728383784900956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417109784898586,0.054456743542276316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05889296361646011,0.0,0.1593023120050969,0.0,0.043321687647173215,0.06393577831129807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547693547434509,0.2022224454071634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591362066259743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550851696153027,0.0,0.07937892288514692,0.12567746520202222,0.0,0.2579628842525371,0.0,0.0,0.15589500071273002,0.0,0.11172231272676153,0.07639970333682336,0.0,0.0,0.06401166923858842,0.08527876468193499,0.0,0.06480565932150421,0.0,0.0,0.2035290538144245,0.0,0.07658049142011635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314207659690844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05165353927069078,0.05797423823480793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509330904749614,0.0,0.21138543487988087,0.0,0.07964122419033788,0.0,0.0,0.08593474089763702,0.0,0.0,0.08218583933989855,0.0,0.0,0.15325882699383958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526518686843542,0.0,0.17270116873466587,0.0650976321827974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458707891860288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395402097707283,0.08124807766188137,0.06087515897826611,0.06372937189134034,0.0,0.0,0.0872619334524138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325190599548412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519259400810353,0.2442166337878126,0.0,0.12103180124198558,0.04444870689776135,0.08761197968302252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05175328092088876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583584641234795,0.0,0.0,0.22480395634950634,0.12101124350922815,0.0,0.3712968888869509,0.0,0.0,0.06878321262423086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741244539848867,0.0,0.054149632352356,0.0,0.0,0.04908783258474673 ptsd,Hartofsilver,2019/06/15,"""Why do I want to be around people who scare me?"" Hello everyone, This is what my therapist asked me at my last session. I told her that the reason why I still try to see my abusive family is because they are my family and I love them, so I still try to see them from time to time. Though, I usually try to bring someone with me when I actually see them. She then told me that it didn't matter that they were my family members or not and she is still waiting on an answer from me.  I'm honestly still not sure what else to tell her.",3.8540178571428565,3.9269442232142855,5.400000000000002,84.845,71.05357142857143,9.257142857142858,25.82142857142857,9.23628265651192,1.7409142857142856,411,11,93,8,7,140,67,112,0.091,0.835,0.07400000000000001,-0.2349,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,5,0,8,4,0,1,2,0,8,1,0,1,1,13,19,7,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,3,26,3,12,14,0,14,0,0,3,1,16,3,0,1,10,69,34,1,0.0,0.1633612312747689,0.13454767762221084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273941006218855,0.12889601377960494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404829873458712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517821160781246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317470047294936,0.0,0.0,0.3899333777076355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238783528848548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124439019150021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955862776813896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176011334209987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138038534456922,0.0,0.3296094099221987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682240006084715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4404337396889668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994706858870433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051023000044025,0.0,0.0,0.16008536534047865,0.0,0.0,0.1354630644568859,0.0,0.1607939143970791,0.0,0.0,0.2634940094589872,0.0,0.28082749318115113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185160143955054,0.0,0.08132319393797208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488243815077936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,reddsugar,2019/06/15,"Relaxation help? So I'm going to keep this short. I may share my story soon about my PTSD, life, and much more. However I suffer from extreme PTSD, anxiety/social anxiety. I would like to know what has helped everyone else, other than the basic therapy, and all the things that typical counselors suggest. I would also add my PTSD is non combat related and thank you to all the vets who served and made sacrifices.",5.050043290043291,6.940331688311688,5.659155844155843,77.34682900432901,69.77922077922078,9.808658008658007,28.417748917748927,10.125756701596842,3.1330709956709963,328,12,57,9,6,106,59,77,0.094,0.748,0.158,0.6621,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,5,1,0,1,2,13,11,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,4,6,7,4,3,1,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,2,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595119018952555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525900005950283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16662721784925366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905971324923659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11336042360421204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26739405721448306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17729344952862153,0.0,0.0,0.1096206193445658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088786362057806,0.09744840967335007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18873838514321264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466295542621938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6994909147371879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364035827521386,0.22810534429099796,0.0,0.13251552789847726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2833880947330065,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,scarednurse,2019/06/15,"just looking for a place to process this and get advice or tips i hope this isn't the wrong kind of post for this place, if it is, i am really sorry! but my doctor has recently diagnosed me with ""late onset PTSD"" and i am trying to understand what this means for me going forward. im totally lost. tw: SA, controlling relationship, stalking, drugged \------ \------ \------ PLEASE be warned i explain the source of my trauma here and i dont want anyone to be triggered. &#x200B; i've recently been diagnosed with what my psychiatrist calls ""late-onset PTSD"", which i did not know was a thing that could happen. it stems from a pattern of episodes from when i was younger where my first serious boyfriend repeatedly drugged and raped me without my knowledge (until one day i wasn't ""out"" when he did it and tried to break it off with him soon thereafter). he then stalked and harassed me for about a year and a half after i broke it off with him. obviously the experience was upsetting and awful but i seemed to be okay for a few years after it happened. or at least i thought i was? &#x200B; but within the last several years i've had several people tell me that i seem like i've changed - i get extremely uncomfortable in big crowds (like at a concert) and i never used to feel that way, i obsessively check to make sure my door is locked, i feel the need to keep a weapon in my room even though i've never felt that way before, and i constantly fear that someone will break into my house (something that he would try to do when he was stalking me). there are other things but those are the big ones. i will be honest, i found out a few years ago that he moved out of state and i frequently check to make sure he is still far away from me, and i feel a lot of shame about that. i thought i was just having really, really bad anxiety related to the high pressure from school and work, and i've even been told that these periods of hypervigilance might be due to misdiagnosed bipolar II, but my doctor believes i have PTSD. &#x200B; i am in the medical field and my father has PTSD - i thought i understood this condition very well. but i guess i don't. so i am here to ask if anyone else has had a similar experience - a ""late-onset"" of PTSD - and how you dealt with it after years of thinking you had everything under control. i feel very lost, angry, confused, scared. it is hard for me to be intimate with other people in so many ways and i feel like i am losing my friends because of what i am going through. i am trying to find a therapist but they are all very expensive even with insurance, and i am on medication management (third round of combo antipsychotics and antidepressants, the last two didnt work, meds kind of help but not really). i don't know what to do anymore, so please, if you had a similar experience... can you share how you dealt with it? this is so exhausting.",5.995777056277058,6.101060664285718,6.410324675324677,79.32861471861473,66.46428571428571,10.145021645021645,31.61255411255411,9.946784424281523,2.852011904761904,2252,82,451,47,33,730,253,560,0.153,0.773,0.075,-0.9936,0,0,3,0,0,0,102.0,0,5,1,8,24,32,3,7,23,2,55,11,0,8,7,95,93,44,0,8,18,1,8,3,1,4,10,1,2,0,35,31,0,3,21,1,3,4,11,19,1,6,25,10,65,13,69,57,6,65,0,4,2,1,25,25,0,12,34,318,100,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580620665526541,0.052670004414676126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19313642021295915,0.21659619832609373,0.0,0.0,0.0454542039061628,0.0,0.058926166867954835,0.08309215673382551,0.060880222310672215,0.0,0.0,0.05554731611170751,0.0,0.055824671411215776,0.0,0.04961110775144279,0.03622033980386796,0.0,0.05055989287888687,0.06694314463988275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060671882796209366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628558075350028,0.0,0.0,0.06420917943665515,0.13328349578210516,0.04744001702728552,0.0,0.0,0.03831935434208164,0.0,0.0,0.12061496792188806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12163260187981255,0.0,0.0,0.06963683536885854,0.0,0.137810808833671,0.0,0.049635674073674266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177340408181462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340059311205591,0.17436506856544515,0.0,0.06686117571558745,0.15021629720906746,0.042447854297553635,0.05705009159990451,0.0,0.05430649351804859,0.05054047184006009,0.0,0.06514819185553783,0.04590579193928293,0.0,0.06208635413542692,0.0,0.06753663790945331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545504485390194,0.0,0.10508534958178116,0.0,0.05322638466851997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03982627941715627,0.06277782204742932,0.0,0.05901495703579844,0.0,0.06855978583772764,0.0,0.0,0.06418106649740073,0.0,0.0,0.052812979714763286,0.0,0.12374830861157354,0.06530857807952713,0.0968663410267202,0.20107649140693867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708512745955248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04989571231106373,0.06647295343842782,0.12972238047928064,0.050514610415522514,0.0,0.0,0.07932324868936252,0.06023999127522616,0.0,0.06472304649028214,0.06599941734814392,0.11971370521852323,0.0,0.06303254876317757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315137011933893,0.0,0.044057303056777436,0.09165283568010472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052563433996318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238518828655546,0.0,0.12415722500504682,0.1304450843651263,0.0,0.0,0.05690551424427389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472792291433241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152257417675389,0.0,0.11733517203022778,0.06379212920393941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05948725553441996,0.060133654418584336,0.0,0.10818287098152117,0.0,0.13424966305347005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503442317169238,0.04574247328248461,0.0,0.06651299599547744,0.0,0.0,0.04745087037097261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200052949703594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051933489983444464,0.0,0.0,0.06898826528980505,0.07894865721661773,0.038072317269637314,0.058377365150433076,0.1415125087447211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677594134907029,0.0,0.1613622545200337,0.0,0.058042237033676315,0.06185568444623155,0.0,0.051317618981346985,0.0,0.14707691278817894,0.03504596479306325,0.14148847228234712,0.0,0.0,0.05342344361892022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727632326886641,0.0,0.08651325542284673,0.0,0.0,0.04220846776440984,0.06496367877689678,0.21659619832609373,0.19131452137992971 ptsd,pyrofish9,2019/06/15,"i keep ignoring this.... Everyone keeps saying ""you're not alone""... So i keep trying to believe that.... I've tried to heal and be that person I thought I should have been or could have been, but then I started to realize how significantly fucked up I am in the head beyond the ptsd or my PD, and how no matter how hard I try I will always be rejected by others and it will only continue to dredge a deeper and deeper well of hatred and bitterness. I wish I were dead honestly. I wish I stayed a cold and distant sociopath and never had a taste of true connection to another human being. I keep trying to go back to that person I used to be but I can't forget..., I'm tearing myself apart. &#x200B; I keep going back and forth from telling myself it's fine, everyone is born alone and we die alone, it's fine; to it seesawing to feeling like I'm drowning, that no one is an island and this is going to kill me... and so I keep trying to reach out... and panic because there is nothing there to grab, and maybe I don't know what to grab or how.... I really am drowning..... But I keep just dissociating and pretending it's fine, it's fine. ........",3.716934782608696,4.561077943478264,5.356250000000003,82.26437500000003,71.73913043478261,8.358695652173912,26.11413043478261,8.660442795831766,1.7538913043478257,877,27,180,15,16,299,124,230,0.215,0.65,0.134,-0.9836,0,4,0,0,0,1,57.0,1,0,0,0,13,14,3,1,6,0,22,4,1,5,2,49,42,27,5,4,8,0,4,1,0,3,1,1,0,3,14,16,1,8,4,1,0,3,6,6,1,1,5,8,25,8,22,29,0,16,0,1,0,1,6,5,1,3,8,127,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3052589133082497,0.0,0.0,0.08174833709128555,0.10644923270922596,0.11937934385511074,0.0,0.10301923859361987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510898399570467,0.0,0.059889699358688986,0.0,0.0,0.11068932065015216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844123972110853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196358097432673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18775605511239635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049676004848887685,0.07018678582442348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09082661586207202,0.0,0.0,0.16750597711103715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800889756995539,0.0,0.1008284868387105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6112773778867641,0.10869436976358067,0.0,0.0539932966933217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047997912502638886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870106436790677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577318164290964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426945004295792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06657386509075636,0.07472032254667718,0.0,0.11527022332736965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17156880462155746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484402818711205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293874532297739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812896636055812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953884988999416,0.1047169010587926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587111878568926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799615400359601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335120875237157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485278683852701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833473110324955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259555355558754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937934385511074,0.0 ptsd,phuongthaod,2019/06/15,"My abuser wants to meet up for lunch Earlier this year I told my abuser, aka my mother, I didn’t want to talk or hear from her. My life had gotten to the point where instead of putting my happiness in a box to the side and her ruling over everything else, I’ve put her in a box to the side and began being truly happy in the rest of my life. She never stopped sending me random texts, but my birthday is in two weeks and she asked to take me to lunch this weekend. Is this my opportunity to tell her in person that she needs to leave me be, or should I keep a firm no and keep her cut off, hoping she’ll listen.",8.779615384615386,4.545294653846156,8.891538461538463,77.62346153846156,64.0,11.630769230769232,33.69230769230769,8.238735603445708,2.3486615384615384,475,10,108,4,5,158,80,130,0.083,0.797,0.12,0.6289,0,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,0,7,0,8,4,0,0,1,17,21,7,0,5,3,1,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,4,4,2,3,0,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,5,2,23,4,21,12,1,21,0,0,0,0,19,12,0,4,6,75,27,0,0.0,0.4011457001647832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825689269292118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141434898170835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521407788069852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3604101196610095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19079441195502586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681363633142889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30093328169823585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17924641214697656,0.0,0.0,0.23913938875643295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552130994365707,0.1305616004206112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781151607969845,0.0,0.0,0.16002729287671838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34035264196398524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415282924930314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272798604384636,0.1360633827685229,0.1479609336110951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175730326105942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653650386892337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969517441389892,0.0,0.1357887310598329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10901279773709814 ptsd,ThatVapeBitch,2019/06/15,"I saw him TRIGGER WARNING: SA I saw my rapist today. I thought I never would again, he lives three hours away and doesn’t drive, how was I supposed to know? He works at the grocery store I always go to, one of the big bulk stores that starts with a C. He looked right at me and didn’t recognize me. I know he didn’t, so why do I feel so hollow? What do I do? As soon as I saw him I told my mom and boyfriend we had to leave. I just stood up and walked out, left them to deal with our stuff. How do I get past this? I thought I was safe and I’d never see him again, never have to see the face that loomed over me just shy of two years ago while he did the most horrible things to me, the face I see every night in my dreams. I don’t know if I need advice or just to let it out, but this sub is the only place I know to go.",0.9635023041474646,1.6349239677419367,2.469923195084487,101.01774193548391,78.13978494623656,5.744393241167438,18.12442396313364,5.288315135182226,-0.8242737327188938,622,9,171,2,14,203,106,186,0.07400000000000001,0.904,0.022000000000000002,-0.7733,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,1,1,10,2,1,0,7,0,16,3,2,3,3,33,37,15,0,3,6,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,10,0,1,7,1,2,4,7,1,0,3,13,8,32,1,22,22,1,30,0,0,7,1,14,12,0,3,14,111,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456910853109313,0.13216116067014047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405657984557975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007694606685278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537074197956476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12561653378077398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538545102224943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789447443096302,0.0,0.16946496498461028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468256969850015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277485003704218,0.0,0.0,0.1578670183139972,0.16198901480463873,0.15245678476460758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131651065479066,0.0,0.1251998234056755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746148784328097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054991114368294,0.3449670816474372,0.0,0.0,0.13991284636712728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10102867292624942,0.11339126873918362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423252900431971,0.0,0.0,0.15576952332358826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732384814143588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564213282630622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552816351621502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067479708362215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905017369041563,0.0,0.0,0.2367249647167859,0.0,0.0,0.14132188831494585,0.14246390123221886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14564132848495873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453244035444306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854083246336156,0.0,0.0,0.1059107579702092,0.0,0.0,0.0960104312866874 ptsd,caitlinmccas,2019/06/15,"I feel like I do everything wrong I feel like every time I have what I think is a good idea and act on it, it turns out to be wrong. I say things that I think are nice, but people don't think so. I make jokes that I think are funny, but people point out how stupid they are instead. I try to help my friend with his mental health, but I seem to always just upset him, and then I feel so guilty. I'm plagued by enormous guilt. It makes me want to curl up and hide and not do anything ever. I'm guilty about never doing anything right, I'm guilty for causing my trauma, I'm guilty for not protecting my loved ones. I feel selfish and evil even though I know I'm not. I just always have good intentions and hurt people anyway, which makes me feel like I might just be horrible regardless of wanting to be good. I don't know if this is all caused more by my depression or my PTSD, or even my anxiety, so I don't know how to handle it or try to fix it. I feel like any time I try to fix if, I do that wrong too. Tl;dr : I do everything wrong, and I feel so guilty and evil, and I don't know what I can possibly do about it. (I'm diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder, complex PTSD, and Generalised Anxiety Disorder, and I'm also autistic, in case that information helps anyone to help me.)",5.751204690831558,4.637213843283583,6.405565031982945,83.23335820895522,67.28358208955224,10.194456289978678,29.217484008528785,9.424239791934726,2.126655863539445,1002,27,224,17,14,330,122,268,0.306,0.562,0.132,-0.9967,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,1,1,19,25,3,2,1,0,22,3,0,8,3,63,52,28,0,5,14,0,7,4,1,1,2,1,0,0,15,15,0,1,19,1,0,1,8,14,0,1,0,8,37,11,23,48,2,14,0,3,0,1,10,8,0,7,9,142,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997560002395578,0.14561793460930095,0.0,0.0,0.059504600575566224,0.0,0.13387812097312182,0.0,0.0,0.06118367969931841,0.0,0.14401396155456495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977804018197735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15073129671937166,0.08881304631333771,0.0,0.0,0.2005705546109878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558895771112004,0.07915088782893924,0.07372450628860194,0.0,0.15728294525741265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097067315486369,0.2500467936663979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760410081432554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.220178466348634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301090936951804,0.0,0.0,0.1759529480945267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09367307857769087,0.09877950563434992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235601914321615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099691890704624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897428983878281,0.0,0.17522550014195154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881817909798386,0.09282616857598013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748720892814422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059293858923691864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198934184268276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271800677828932,0.09864575545784007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457113602378493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472653129702088,0.0,0.06958538313678324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965885574843405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05813267516098127,0.2242718982681602,0.08597061747947746,0.0,0.10204665133689472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782250615014052,0.09517743305407242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032223097311655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3826803463154799,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bunbunsylvia,2019/06/15,"Should I wish my abusive father a happy birthday? My father was terrible. He didn’t take care of his kids much at all. I was constantly tip toeing around his extreme insecurities, in order to get my basic needs met as a young child. My sibling texted me saying I should call him for his birthday. My sibling was also abusive towards me in a different way. He still lives with my dad. I hate my dad so much, but I really wish my brother hadn’t texted me saying that. Why would he think I would do that? I feel guilty because I had to listen to my dad go on rants in order to get things like food or money or bathroom essentials, and he was very fragile, but like a monster. He definitely feels horrible that it’s his birthday, because he hates himself and everyone around him. We have had no contact for about a year. I haven’t seen him in person in about 5 years.",3.2790199335548174,4.968481220930234,4.500265780730897,84.68011627906978,74.0,7.007308970099668,26.82059800664452,7.7094869923839395,1.5482993355481731,678,25,133,9,14,223,100,172,0.161,0.732,0.107,-0.8753,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,0,7,8,2,1,5,0,15,2,1,0,1,21,31,9,0,7,4,6,3,2,0,4,0,3,0,3,5,6,1,0,3,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,10,7,30,4,21,17,3,19,0,0,1,0,30,10,0,2,7,89,35,0,0.0,0.3479068062280949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740900631684388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613954107705836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17899580551319771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991593938539027,0.0,0.14968908455831245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15865634967591033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533918691845654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402893430953074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484695464799343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753094988182613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534109982129657,0.0,0.08343913233362875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15628876691441515,0.0,0.2899015601988291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345413490734713,0.0,0.12964155364347532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21585386492238887,0.1088624857205894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819440034355672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405433269587676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335085568532358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172477509922139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038764649381384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753827938387204,0.09407400833805826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113888963802165,0.0,0.11653600897612194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324789474322294,0.0,0.3376631835698304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20858828845558114,0.0,0.0,0.18908987075331327 ptsd,logicandlove333,2019/06/15,"What do you do when a loved one sets off a trigger? (Trigger warning: SA) The other night I woke up in the middle of the night to my boyfriend using my hand to jerk himself off. I was horrified. I got up and left, and cried on the couch until I just fell asleep. The next day I confronted him about it. Apparently, I had felt him up in my sleep, and he thought I was awake and trying to initiate and he took it too far. He felt horrible. He was on the verge of tears and told me I was completely justified to feel the way I felt and react the way I did, and he offered to sleep on the couch. I believe him, he seemed very genuine. In the years we’ve been together, nothing like this has happened before, and I don’t think it’ll happen again. However... I don’t feel normal around him. It gets significantly harder to breath. I dissociated when talking to him today. My head gets foggy. It gets hard to move. Everything feel unreal, and of lower caliber, and numbed, almost like in a dream. I love him, I really do. How do I get back to normal?",1.7474644549763028,3.7437216018957367,3.624026066350712,87.8708258293839,79.42654028436019,6.874028436018957,22.398341232227487,7.908726449838941,1.0594813270142178,802,25,171,14,20,270,116,211,0.132,0.794,0.075,-0.7993,3,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,0,0,9,7,2,0,13,0,15,9,6,5,0,30,37,15,0,2,1,0,8,2,0,1,1,0,2,0,8,12,0,0,9,1,0,3,2,3,0,1,15,8,30,4,27,21,0,34,0,0,0,2,19,17,0,2,13,111,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960407136679966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152189161389762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952262297781456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013422645860224,0.1458217379787718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570345015497312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14217126635542487,0.08347075534688428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632210196558315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19632900410876467,0.0,0.37281532950230895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704844570268254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351589442759698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22890661014739225,0.0,0.1159426250506034,0.0,0.13283110874861326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406245790661835,0.0,0.0,0.12646457633631167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336287734249041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13756214465396244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764881033867396,0.2429199924458761,0.253625143140468,0.12419025577918963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770418550296734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291529097199532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11782695861481933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590441923218737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040298255884544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293263638873245,0.0,0.1027518704212833,0.0,0.0,0.12268320219797005,0.12367459711430645,0.14379996395656616,0.08787354001990552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178477540976084,0.0,0.10679216995605058,0.0,0.20546883521494194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08334779060133234 ptsd,throwawayfunLI,2019/06/20,"Anyone else have flashbacks or like intrusive thoughts of scenes from Horror movies on occasion too ? I know this is kinda weird and I’m not sure exactly how it’s connected but just wanted to see if anyone else gets this. I have been diagnosed with ptsd, and living with it for some time. I have more regular text book intrusive “flash backs” of like events or trauma that I’ve experienced before but I’m like also beyond terrified of like horror movies or Anything Too anxiety inducing ( prob because any physical violence is a trigger for me). But has anyone ever like had intrusive thoughts of like a scary movie / a scene from something terrifying? Like legit like pop in your head and terrify you?",7.323437500000002,8.258084468750003,7.3359375000000036,70.96531250000002,63.6875,11.4,33.96875,11.20814326018867,4.173637499999999,564,23,93,16,8,181,87,128,0.258,0.593,0.14800000000000002,-0.9644,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,8,11,0,0,3,0,8,2,1,3,3,26,16,12,0,2,9,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,2,6,9,14,12,2,7,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,6,12,56,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389056253441336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053518431591682,0.0,0.11851442297552355,0.0,0.0,0.3249738691749234,0.31747049987570714,0.12748708623932006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912496976315012,0.0,0.09443862839825896,0.0,0.13182667421952446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724192810618934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258833848855291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013524735577096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094002097368708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899401904641935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514073266386779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6054940427175439,0.0,0.13679840680519645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810947895524596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12345227307340427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192660383567284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601155652947911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459805236397575,0.09033589590194938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137663710148644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SahSahE,2019/06/20,"Passed the mask I wish someone could see me. The real me. To see the pain and torture behind my eye. To hear the truth behind my “I’m fine” and my smile. To save me from the lie and mask I’ve fronted for the passed 19 years. I want someone to see me. Everyday I lie to myself and to everyone around me. Everyday I torture myself and am slowly killing myself behind every smile and very smile. I want someone to see me. To see the tear streaked face that stares back at me every night. To hear my silent sobs that racks through my body before I pass out from the inability to breathe. I will hope for something that will never happen. I will disassociate from myself. Watch my self smile, laugh and say I’m fine. That life is great. With every lie I die. With every smile a tear falls. With every ‘I’m fine’ a silent scream fills my mind. I will watch myself as I lie and wear my mask the is forever glued to my face. I will hide my scars and quite my screams. I will blame my tears on allergies. I will pinch and scratch at my thighs and wrists to readjust my mask when things falter. I will stay numb and trap the real me, my pain, my screams, my bleeding wounds and deep scars because I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m fine. Breathe. Smile. I’m fine.",0.4962996637190216,2.815137683397687,1.6096998380869358,98.40271515755389,87.22393822393822,4.423016564952048,18.007348362187074,5.843745405466311,-0.5060246356956029,976,25,222,7,31,306,105,259,0.162,0.664,0.174,-0.5356,0,0,1,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,0,1,3,24,3,0,12,0,12,15,9,0,2,29,33,15,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,8,6,6,0,1,5,18,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,10,0,0,0,16,45,14,30,24,0,20,0,1,9,0,4,6,1,1,7,120,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128480902209784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874867617182548,0.0,0.069356825828409,0.0,0.09681504103198656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637954581814448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084092021430536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11808158000798595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47930615852680897,0.1087178943299399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254385000081839,0.0,0.0,0.10061178784527504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564677612632161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300529256674208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258763452304359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036339093447008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488137954158847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775110608247216,0.0,0.0,0.1067711182634834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24213148422844466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101483725076068,0.0,0.25900411394002965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047928391773906,0.0,0.0,0.4533239177069167,0.0,0.1186932368298659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28920624126360645,0.08759036413223106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127013402633993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558775397483956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938771592505462,0.13421612769527194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308368458376645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326804778554964 ptsd,wafflescanbebluetoo,2019/06/20,"I used to love my job When I first started at my current company two years ago I loved my job. I loved my managers and I loved the work atmosphere. My bosses gave me the leniency that I needed to deal with my PTSD and grow with the company. They never asked me to post on my personal social media accounts or to maintain an Instagram account for my minor area in a larger business. They never asked me to do extra menial tasks. They stuck to the outlines of the job I was offered and praised me when I exceeded their expectations. Everything was fine until it wasn't. It started with my direct manager getting a promotion and leaving my store. The new person was very mechanical and a bit manic. Which did nothing to help my already anxiety riddled brain. She began requesting that I oversee other areas that I had no control over, that I unload stock belonging to another team. She gave me a task that she probably should have been doing herself and made a favorite of the least qualified person on our team. The person in question scrutinized my every move even after being repeatedly told that I suffer from PTSD and that even coming into work is a chore most days. &#x200B; Even then, I continued to do my job the best way that I could. I came in even though I didn't want to roll out of bed. My prior store manager saw that. He believed in my abilities and appreciated the strength that I brought to the team. He offered me a promotion, but due to an error I ended up being passed up and the position was offered to my direct supervisors favorite. I had a break down and I left. I had been bullied by my team mates for a full year and had dealt with such a large amount of change (every previous manager I had who understood my situation moving to a different store) that I could not manage. I came back the day after because I realized I was in no position to lose my job. Too little too late, they posted my job on a site a couple of weeks ago. &#x200B; I'm not posting for advice. I know my choices have been stupid. I know that if any normal or medicated person were in my position they would have handled it so much differently. I know I blew it... I just want to tell someone. I just want to type it all out and see it so I can come back and look at it because even though I have failed, I kept a job for years. I managed to be promoted three times and I was almost promoted a fourth. I overcame my disability for a short amount of time with the help of others who believed I could do it. I did something I cried in my room 3 years ago screaming I never would be able to. I overcame myself. &#x200B; To my previous team: Thank you for listening and thank you for believing in me. &#x200B; &#x200B; Disclaimer: I do not know if my post may be triggering for some, so I am taking every precaution.",4.16314632034632,5.715783025454549,5.414961038961042,79.56406060606064,71.47272727272727,8.510822510822509,29.640692640692638,9.04235418022936,2.5822329004329005,2224,91,414,45,42,741,253,550,0.086,0.8370000000000001,0.077,-0.6901,10,0,1,0,0,0,66.0,1,2,6,18,19,15,1,0,32,0,43,6,1,5,4,70,82,29,0,14,10,0,0,0,1,4,1,2,3,5,25,27,0,2,7,5,5,9,10,5,0,3,31,5,92,10,65,39,11,78,1,3,3,4,49,28,0,9,35,316,117,31,0.053374281171281325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05215672982985983,0.14193923951548776,0.0,0.053446632694096836,0.0,0.05889984650808847,0.0,0.0,0.2891550567477209,0.3242779686465364,0.03629634147856098,0.05596758759739445,0.04083117900419827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979549579362036,0.0,0.0,0.08208305524591616,0.0,0.06507293279969224,0.0,0.0,0.18040361200943114,0.05601301515779498,0.0,0.058270891221414,0.0,0.0,0.05958334972174456,0.0,0.12209191717840052,0.0,0.0,0.05646291230209322,0.09195443429444024,0.0,0.0,0.0598637948408396,0.12784506123144398,0.059057626920969976,0.058629141603490635,0.06884399162272872,0.055026540230769534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152952737465616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04727377079178294,0.0,0.0,0.17626604664398404,0.0,0.1349104017020259,0.0,0.04796936232323026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04540013629802772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02788585896977894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155131117509886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707601679306368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733243629477726,0.0,0.060208513981253466,0.056515657122576834,0.05799131266363615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534950516604038,0.0,0.0,0.04482095352766259,0.05971216801828508,0.0,0.0,0.19268949051259365,0.05050403538039517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05376897302089378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134568280208511,0.03923623798439456,0.03957635318544408,0.12349660817806125,0.0515492133514212,0.0,0.0,0.05229546311493725,0.05121406229616804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23302181788382856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20447122939217266,0.0,0.05754650252840006,0.0,0.12478335688258325,0.0,0.05979141018992173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04253239170203256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05999492833123717,0.0,0.054408358072398535,0.04522385523033758,0.04109012927709983,0.0,0.0,0.07555718185790093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04013081692955366,0.0,0.046651474310371865,0.09827973408337044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487992050951317,0.0,0.06224594515114663,0.0,0.0,0.05100141296372896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05213891711795708,0.0,0.0,0.046098241892484834,0.0,0.044039371773229065,0.0944446017442876,0.042366020025471386,0.042813628868591885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771422475462701,0.0,0.0,0.07583111592227816,0.0,0.3242779686465364,0.13748514851903165 ptsd,Ptsdhelpthrowaway,2019/06/20,Do you guys ever have moments where you don’t react when triggered? Am I just crazy? Sometimes I don’t react like I normally do but I do try not to think about it at the same time. Am I just crazy?,-0.3711627906976744,1.6801449069767465,1.7593488372093056,97.7664651162791,88.30232558139534,4.370232558139535,17.902325581395353,5.6839178017228535,-0.5182427906976748,153,4,36,1,5,51,29,43,0.133,0.823,0.044000000000000004,-0.5559,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,8,0,0,3,1,11,9,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,3,9,1,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39717095068413055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347559912161131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21451120356712405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4302029571131732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4342591089644376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28134328461168684,0.0,0.0,0.2560297593452127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981049615229119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gambitcanthink,2019/06/20,"The question of PTSD. (English as second language) So, for me, whenever i started to focus on solving something, the situation was recreated against my will. \+The more i try to oppress it, the more it sticks ( Speculation and Belief 1 ) \+I KNOW it's not happening, it's no longer true . But my mind keeps recreating it. Keep finding a solution to a recreation of itself.( Speculation and Belief II) \+It seems like my tendency to try to analyze everything that matters to me in various ways , has harmed me. Since , the moment IT was introduced to my reality , my unconcious solution to get rid of it wes to break it down to smaller chunks, ah , to digest perhaps ? (Speculation and Belief III) The questions : \_When i tried to solve it by taking a step back, i have numerous questions like : \+ If i'm solving it, would that action make it stick more ? \+If i'm solving it and believe that i'm solving it because it is sticking , would it stick more ? \+What if i'm solving it and not believing that it isnt a problem at all, what would this be ? A faith maybe ? \+ would putting a faith that things will be better ( i think there is a mechanism to this , as in when my mind clicks in the word FAITH) suddenly i feel ... relieved. &#x200B; **TL;DR : I have a PTSD.I have 2 options :to solve it ( touch it ) or leave it be.** **Would solving it make it worse ?** **Would leaving it be will leave an underlying unconcious issue ?** &#x200B; By believing those, do i make it worse or not . &#x200B; It's interesting that the fact i'm putting this wall of text here might already counted as an action of trying to solve it . Believing that this will make it worse or not . And would building this whole idea and trying to learn psychology because i'm trying to solve it make the whole system infected with it ? &#x200B; <i'll find a way to thin this down because i can already imagine some of you might be pissed off trying to make your own sense out of somebody mind's throw up>",2.685978905735002,5.393498864864867,3.652214897824656,84.95146011865526,80.62162162162161,6.636783124588003,27.94330916282136,7.8500785054351265,2.050878048780488,1540,70,283,28,41,493,177,370,0.063,0.804,0.133,0.963,0,0,1,0,0,0,103.0,0,2,0,1,6,12,1,0,20,1,29,3,1,6,3,63,51,20,0,11,11,0,3,2,0,13,2,0,0,0,48,9,1,2,15,0,0,6,6,3,1,1,2,4,21,9,44,31,10,28,6,0,1,0,5,12,1,14,8,198,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14241711475975485,0.0,0.0,0.27966544119634285,0.3136356742013029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496182613021903,0.0,0.1180075147184159,0.0,0.0,0.2908050805768307,0.0,0.05707001646090309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05799385383798565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0326274353026214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795535083029612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033713361006195215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05706214153250268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284456941687367,0.0,0.06735075537648026,0.0,0.1147113935569756,0.0,0.0,0.035463053037286314,0.0,0.0,0.2049783820330586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305051260078533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25843875258792803,0.0,0.0648273266290225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13690860745073424,0.19546549204350908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061744845585824486,0.15086020347110618,0.12973748081356198,0.21685931198894426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058744119136567886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337845688640449,0.07253248607345453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049677019582268916,0.0,0.0,0.045673446016971486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04851723305657593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04286971942163777,0.04134711384900865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066732465300549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243908420123056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14408703187119734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19727947874674648,0.3208732520222359,0.0,0.3136356742013029,0.0 ptsd,asmolbitofeverything,2019/06/20,"Dentist visit disaster (I'm on mobile so please forgive any formatting issues) I've had a horrible day. I had to go in to get a couple cavities filled and get my braces adjusted. Dentist visits are hard for me on normal days, they are very triggering but I work with my dentist to relieve that stress. I often ask for several breaks during longer procedures and during my wisdom teeth removal (I wasn't put under due to health risk) he brought in a tech specifically to hold my hand through it. But today the office had me see a different dentist, without telling me. This already shoots my anxiety up through the roof (not helped by my orthodontist being on vacation so I'm temporarily seeing one I don't know). But it kept getting worse. The dentist was rushing through the fillings, making several remarks on how little time he had which made me too anxious to ask for any breaks. Then he filled one of the cavities, but forgot to numb the tooth. That sent me into a complete breakdown. The pain mixing with my already present fear of being there was too much. I had a panic attack and cried through the next thirty minutes of my appointment. The only person who tried to help was the technician who always helps do my orthodontic work. She sat with me for fifteen extra minutes after my braces were back on to calm me down. I still cried through most of my drive home, which is 20 minutes but took me almost an hour today because of all the times I pulled over to calm down.",5.385642857142859,6.823191992857147,5.673571428571428,79.32142857142857,68.35714285714286,8.314285714285715,31.857142857142854,8.697196308434329,2.677442857142857,1178,50,207,19,20,375,163,280,0.146,0.763,0.092,-0.9514,1,0,0,1,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,2,9,12,1,4,18,0,17,11,3,4,1,29,36,12,0,1,7,0,2,0,0,0,8,0,1,1,9,7,0,3,3,0,0,14,4,7,0,2,17,4,29,5,43,17,4,44,0,0,2,0,18,14,0,3,14,141,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642063414579798,0.0,0.2565982976255563,0.0,0.09674015772210336,0.0,0.0,0.1581256995662225,0.0,0.08894090259711322,0.13134413518696622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21738048441115032,0.13226598517350144,0.0,0.0893990964692674,0.0,0.0708728662629462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189957889595875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12864283549232233,0.25541896657807805,0.14996007714310727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214701249492629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130828236022461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222790967262525,0.0,0.06607496136596924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414884185789176,0.0,0.0,0.12358216817763765,0.0,0.0,0.2337859824204149,0.0,0.11662130236520665,0.0,0.1144956688445486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134840115637426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389512281106786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116526103217992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100108936620966,0.07760647782911269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546670720648009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236470553744365,0.0,0.11391308810108873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15756568116750966,0.08842327618407968,0.12371206506931975,0.13640961984216993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151639660112136,0.0,0.1276218979298623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11687646098977038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852931705549717,0.0,0.0,0.26268827037393244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284780894030174,0.0,0.13317891235524715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161901600303754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355878198908768,0.0,0.2204075234411754,0.0,0.1291725083742616,0.07893496821407903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592917889826512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120734156843594,0.0,0.16928174652024516,0.0,0.11848196402580408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,garbagethrowaway420,2019/06/20,"Could my lifelong response to stomping be evidence of mild trauma? I had an pretty unhappy upbringing, not like I was horribly neglected or anything, but my mom embodies a lot of the toxic and unhealthy behaviors in alignment with [narcissistic/emotionally immature parenting](http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html). In fact, we've been semi-estranged for 15 years; I ran away from home when I was 17 and basically never went back. Nobody really questioned my decision tbh, everyone understood why I'd want to get away from her, including my dad. Growing up, the sound of heavy footsteps suddenly heading in my direction always meant that I was about to be punished for something, whether I deserved it or not. Despite it having been over 15 years since I've been around my mom, I still have a fleeting emotional response to the sound of stomp-walking that has never really gone away. When I hear sudden stomping, for a brief fleeting moment, I'm overcome with a sense of fear and that someone is coming to get me. This sucks because I live in a dense metropolitan area these days where stomp-walking is a normal aspect of apartment living. My neighbors regularly elicit this brief episode of fear in me and it stresses the shit out of me. I never really thought about it, but someone mentioned to me this could be a response to mild trauma. Does anyone else experience such a reaction? Do you think there's validity to such a claim?",9.905096910963053,9.607196287401578,9.31188976377953,63.101099333737146,58.566929133858274,12.224833434282255,42.37310720775288,11.51311941424646,5.207854391278013,1163,58,177,28,13,372,153,254,0.147,0.7959999999999999,0.057,-0.9761,1,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,0,0,11,10,3,3,14,0,18,2,2,1,4,33,32,11,0,4,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,11,9,0,1,6,0,0,7,5,9,0,0,13,3,23,1,37,14,1,35,0,1,0,0,9,15,2,4,14,126,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095286889801357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483389098953513,0.1243127232686153,0.09984087893643936,0.10800577452901383,0.0,0.0,0.3419690335536435,0.09329212891494748,0.0,0.07395914318046343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451152083456096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19373771923751784,0.0,0.0,0.07824516914295429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617311361926887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135222213684654,0.2729506173474939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593209777101712,0.0,0.1186800118527687,0.0,0.27305073860379303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267755515249096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12451537701185253,0.0,0.13674310819361085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216997710734591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05927370685040843,0.0,0.21426598686076065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314694242675188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841908579458248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807220432082944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887362311183798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12343205882777113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359127759251433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23317343684071076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453929393903278,0.10036203910489687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055980845030489,0.09340260608395848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09689102131034127,0.0,0.13897840974790365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777407384746964,0.0,0.09631921320774699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156115989146103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124703257957025,0.10947775467079214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562598049146854 ptsd,Bayza5,2019/06/20,"Good apps/websites to track and manage? Currently all I’ve been able to find as far as apps go are things built around veterans. I use PTSD Coach as a symptom tracker. Basically I take a short multiple choice test (2 min max) every month and it graphs my highs and lows over the years. It does allow you to set reminders so you don’t forget. I use Sleepiest to help sleep on those hard nights because it allows you to listen to stories, track sleep, and even make your own mix of white noise. Personally, I enjoy a stormy sea with a quite relaxing piano. Does anyone else have any apps or websites they use? I recommend trying my two if it peaks your interest even in the slightest.",3.302500000000002,5.518834856060606,3.80757575757576,87.35636363636365,75.43939393939394,6.824242424242425,23.87878787878788,7.793537801064563,1.2061696969696976,539,17,105,8,12,169,97,132,0.04,0.812,0.14800000000000002,0.9402,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,5,1,1,4,5,0,0,6,0,4,3,2,6,1,17,11,10,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,6,6,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,3,13,4,15,10,2,15,0,1,1,0,9,8,0,2,5,56,19,2,0.170323489121705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582581324407112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11909414381227255,0.17451654250391516,0.0,0.151624015994987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382761808312096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29810246624028514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228341972841935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22499411641160533,0.0,0.14350488557688634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567258338706408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679876397421204,0.14285926173207888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15257639131033818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416424449321645,0.1799561176655377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369225157230638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13595058403607346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983705651113986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487199010178385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990990441665772,0.0,0.0,0.18115999621361625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408929894171566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17703132089666718,0.12806206679976315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315535792939818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563846878617826,0.0,0.16638129990097347,0.0,0.0,0.4413144249928945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096827427194329 ptsd,madsmcgee,2019/09/03,"I feel like anytime I open up to someone about my PTSD, I scare them off. So today was my second day at my new job (I'm a barista at Starbucks). This is the first time in 3 ish months that I've worked. I got fired at my last job because I had to go to inpatient in June and I couldn't show up to work. When I got back from inpatient, I wanted to talk to the HR lady to see where I stand with my job. Considering I didn't have a choice in my hospitalization, I thought it would be fine. Well, it wasn't fine. She didn't even talk to me in private, she just fired me in the lobby in front of people. It triggered me so hard, I just gave up on trying. Fast forward to now, I'm feeling really good about life. I still struggle, but I can sorta manage it. But it's difficult for me to get back into the working mindset. I'm so scatterbrained, I can't focus, I dissociate all the time. It's exhausting. Plus I'm CS (customer support) so every 15 minutes I have to brew coffee and make customer connections (talk and interact with them). IT IS KILLING ME. I'm so awkward, and I can't seem to get a grip on anything. It's a continuous cycle of me not being able to focus, so it stresses me out, which makes me dissociate, which makes me try to focus even harder. So on and so forth. My coworkers are very supportive of me, but I don't think most of them understand what PTSD is. I always get a uncomfortable vibe once I tell someone about my diagnosis. It was super uncomfortable my first day because another guy who started the same day as me (who btw, I met at partial of all places) ASKED ME IN FRONT OF MY MANAGER WHAT MY DIAGNOSES WERE. I felt like I was outed. It makes me cringe when I think of that moment. I'm trying to be positive, but it's really hard to at the moment.",2.2325203252032537,3.6559363035230383,4.300766937669377,86.13586585365856,76.20867208672088,7.5216260162601625,25.037127371273712,8.238735603445708,1.4424272086720866,1372,47,299,24,30,472,177,369,0.109,0.816,0.075,-0.9375,3,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,3,6,23,16,1,4,12,0,23,3,0,5,2,40,55,21,1,3,7,0,8,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,21,12,0,0,8,1,0,4,8,7,1,3,14,9,54,9,54,36,4,53,0,0,1,0,16,26,0,3,26,201,75,8,0.10039867446943868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353973992869564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527676410289548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261955456688015,0.0,0.0938592078041039,0.0,0.0,0.15440076685334125,0.0,0.12240420017952855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942465177730424,0.0,0.0,0.1019025412109854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262475520922815,0.0,0.08459021339982538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152917290876824,0.07172483310157071,0.09639847210529788,0.0,0.0,0.17079812243003584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736249082342268,0.0,0.0570588803893431,0.08420964476211848,0.16059598313333626,0.0,0.0,0.09941047238185872,0.0,0.0,0.17987498403044686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29889057792392193,0.0,0.11107625799927097,0.0,0.0,0.08183831972517103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709145529193131,0.09809944202566984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26806757926733704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013726410227953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696566542632344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692131165168496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696037995050697,0.0,0.10489524605198207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23472135552804696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12863592344021968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005165878342798,0.0,0.08000474489193969,0.09139918252647174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17013494214388447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106269853861027,0.0,0.08017851112154857,0.0,0.1150063423930295,0.10495849344475268,0.0,0.0,0.2278624520195973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420899545130148,0.08775286673699605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12866283335844195,0.0,0.07970533288797005,0.11708654893576492,0.0,0.09516620408815342,0.0,0.0,0.20449232886801555,0.0,0.0,0.10451856087211156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283942103707524,0.05921773944203473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027046574410852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21927429226857964,0.0,0.0,0.07132033776439435,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,milkystarrgirl,2019/09/03,"Tips on stopping nightmares? I've had EDMR treatment for my PTSD, and whilst it has helped me overcome panic attacks and flashbacks, I'm still getting the same 2 recurring nightmares where I'm back in that awful house with my abusive ex. My therapist suggested writing it all down and then writing how I want the dream to go, a happy one. But that didn't work. Any tips?",4.122723004694837,6.212044112676061,4.148943661971831,86.39318075117373,72.66197183098592,6.423474178403758,31.551643192488264,7.1686216300943375,1.9915615023474176,296,14,54,3,6,91,57,71,0.196,0.715,0.08900000000000001,-0.8541,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,1,3,1,3,0,0,1,1,12,8,6,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,0,5,1,6,6,2,11,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,6,33,9,1,0.0,0.3163609308444275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18157466055780694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30376025436857684,0.0,0.2053127434706932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950070917729396,0.0,0.15174685347553574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28423508190383523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17896989765150947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080914921995406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093159525639574,0.0,0.0,0.3132764691331977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121181742600937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21323300941111084,0.22323072307904826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100169777032413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574882922508454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943850730612804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,byzvntine,2019/09/03,"Today, I 'graduated' from cognitive processing therapy Hey everyone, Long story short-- traumatic event happened 9 years ago (series of events). After surviving it, I was treated for 8 years on sertraline for ""OCD and excessive worry"" (confirmed by two therapists in the past 8 years), but it was only this summer that, after a massive trigger, I sought a therapist, who ended up treating it as PTSD. Then, this summer, we worked on it via cognitive processing therapy. It wasn't easy, and it wasn't always pleasant, but I feel better, and I am processing/thinking about the experience better. &#x200B; Thank you to my therapist! I want to just post this as a post of encouragement for all of you on this sub.. I still have some stuff to work out, but I am finally at peace with certain aspects of the trauma, and its effects are much milder. Keep at it!",6.770516129032259,7.820272922580647,7.431774193548389,69.38766129032261,64.93548387096774,11.103225806451613,36.145161290322584,11.00357731598739,4.466664516129033,673,32,109,19,10,223,101,155,0.08900000000000001,0.7559999999999999,0.155,0.9005,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,2,0,6,3,9,0,0,6,0,8,0,0,2,2,19,13,10,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,4,1,12,8,26,9,3,28,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,1,17,81,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302252143043385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547835366496817,0.15037103603017385,0.16863621427061298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245484103141945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12292031083543213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326128512607987,0.0,0.13575614572719005,0.0,0.0,0.07017272106950348,0.0,0.0,0.1520297031935587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272511474621263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12335647207491288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281835376014914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202127920570032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10555052420663244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248382471559084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658309952096893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16222959114742214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083207191604358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887302877326145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777249688374054,0.3174203063675892,0.4834123580991361,0.0,0.08892637316554196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13154980590105256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557056675233758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185765318833922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20207096880949074,0.14094060466709055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16863621427061298,0.2681145946499005 ptsd,iamghostgal,2019/09/03,"Do I deserve death? Hi. I'm going to delete this soon after, I don't want my friends to find this post. I'm a sixteen year old rape victim. It happened two years ago. At least, thats what people tell me. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, have gone through medical professional after medical professional, and I've not felt better. I haven't reached a conclusion, not even gotten further towards fixing anything. I feel like saying the words ""I am a rape victim"" is just a blatant lie for me. It surely isn't what happened. A fourteen year old and a, what, 23 year old man? But I felt okay when it happened. I could've stopped it, I had months to. I knew it would happen. I kept talking to him for months after. He eventually stopped giving me attention. I just needed him to notice me, but he just wouldn't anymore. He had gotten what he wanted, I guess. It made me realize what had happened. But before I could realize, I did something horrible. He showed me things that I wish on no one. Sexual atrocities, children abuse under the guise of 'If its there, why not watch it' and 'its not hurting anyone'. A site that surely hosted images of me because of him, thinking back on it. I soon stopped contact with him. I once tried to contact him again for the purpose of gaining evidence, but it failed and I haven't tried since. Its useless. I am a firm believer that sexual abusers need to die. I don't care about morals, I don't care about ethics, I do not care for the beauty of life. This is an exception to those. Because I viewed that site, those images of people that were in my situation, people my age, I think I need to die. I actually, really need to die. I'm completely and utterly worthless. Its the truth, the blatant utter truth. But if I could get redemption, if I could actually talk about this to someone without getting in trouble, without being judged, but with truth, I think it would fix something. I hope. Whats worse is every month or so, I have this freak hypersexuality that genuinely discomforts me, and often triggers flashbacks, and it reminds me of it. I haven't found anything about why that happens and its embarrassing to talk about. Sorry this is all over the place. And ban me if you need to, or feel free to tell me that I *do* deserve death, if thats what you think. I just need others opinions, since I can't trust myself.",2.867259791921665,5.1219875548245595,3.99449816401469,85.31206854345167,76.96052631578948,6.698000815993472,26.174826601387192,7.738981096181357,1.5671546919624637,1839,71,354,28,43,597,204,456,0.21899999999999997,0.69,0.091,-0.9966,1,0,2,0,2,0,76.0,0,2,0,4,18,27,4,2,16,1,33,6,0,2,8,87,75,24,5,21,25,0,4,1,1,3,4,1,0,2,44,12,0,5,15,1,1,2,17,12,0,2,15,7,58,16,48,53,2,38,1,4,2,2,25,12,0,11,24,244,102,3,0.0,0.16653833071507534,0.13716440221428414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229812487787599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969791901311316,0.049140735928375145,0.0,0.11566731666893985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404024049505039,0.0,0.08568289588340046,0.0,0.0598022832043519,0.07918040696672256,0.0,0.06215609603530276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149624826735799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07368623196373746,0.0,0.0,0.2244483658445176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133174201562284,0.21881563071966864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046418640355015695,0.0,0.05921311880524865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107038433902257,0.05020735724658552,0.1349577912621092,0.0,0.06423376554576955,0.0,0.0,0.07705733532563015,0.05429740875537814,0.0,0.07343579113244017,0.06741805507296156,0.0399411956489475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774202813064342,0.0,0.3728851157599421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06980294009723341,0.0,0.0,0.07523516141242356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04964016141187615,0.034334786980254765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06649972298790317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415974697586828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16828816771937574,0.0,0.0,0.312666087438044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001314811027142,0.22123807772361825,0.07484487951010782,0.047622893520997744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14616790348700934,0.0,0.07342663432262518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06730788941497994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215243201549806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04502254995673249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055888710094001884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162710893809027,0.07899658086044924,0.0,0.0,0.059547199003228524,0.10820847062549672,0.0,0.07867162679358584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626926254771505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247431912214475,0.0,0.0,0.16946288065713738,0.12285394999629183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669026859670256,0.18012787369298827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542970419671724,0.0,0.06865240607247211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290479241104977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268317972818782,0.0,0.08081742283993941,0.13549296527323534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162034162707047,0.099848421313529,0.0,0.0,0.1810295795693068 ptsd,jiabic,2019/09/03,"Am I overreacting? I recently went to doctors to ask for a referral to the psychiatrist because I have been suffering from 'panic attacks' for almost 2 years now and I always thought that it was anxiety. (I am not diagnosed with anything) When I described my symptoms to the doctor (flashbacks, uncontrollable crying and crazy thoughts), he suspects I have PTSD. I apologise for sounding ignorant, but the thing is, I always thought that to have PTSD, I had to go through seriously traumatic events like rape, violence etc. In my case, the things I went through were not as severe in my opinion. I went through a loss, sexual harassments here and there, and repeated betrayal from people who I love most over the years but I feel like it's only normal for literally everyone in this world to go through it... I'm worried about my appointment with the psychiatrist because I don't want to seem as if I am overreacting.",7.611024096385544,8.309426608433741,7.873156626506027,68.1823855421687,63.036144578313255,11.941204819277113,40.69638554216868,11.602472056035307,5.187026024096387,731,40,122,22,10,239,100,166,0.273,0.639,0.08800000000000001,-0.9851,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,5,12,3,2,8,0,12,6,0,0,0,23,26,10,0,3,5,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,9,6,0,1,6,0,0,5,3,9,0,0,10,2,20,3,27,16,2,17,0,2,0,2,4,5,0,5,9,91,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842153046547026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23004376823088885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574874418786258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375492477200133,0.0,0.12923026732457796,0.15726129848520568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16853250609004167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518437196423846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14030474952691502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829770141315465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416761459200035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320886514730904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698953382582765,0.09875450232727664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571233028377109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135068443618538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476171480261875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544011429497754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513329795853073,0.0,0.16218798744146554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583415231481626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32317664117713263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13648954359512044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584317583199747,0.0,0.1561652394666989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436782077734864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367324996408999,0.0,0.0,0.3292274157418301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153408149814731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38443331788327584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038348645159676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780365171291586 ptsd,SmezBob,2019/09/03,"Is it normal to hate being crowded? My ptsd isn’t from anything doing with crowds, but I can’t stand being so close to people. Does anyone else here know if that has anything to do with ptsd, or if I’m just weird?",3.549333333333333,4.0474910444444445,4.420000000000002,90.09000000000002,71.8888888888889,6.0,21.66666666666667,3.1291,-0.11833333333333318,167,3,36,0,3,54,35,45,0.109,0.8909999999999999,0.0,-0.5803,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,10,11,5,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,6,9,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,25,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758472507913407,0.2748803307991409,0.44153636261388507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347700205277989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241100638428216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26486687895934896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743740138556438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628533909088934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18598870823430005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6272002680900433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,zimmtt,2019/09/03,"Don’t know what’s going on with me. (TW: NSFW?) Important note: I’m 18, female, and don’t have any known history of sexual trauma or PTSD. I don’t know if this belongs here but I don’t know where else to turn. I’ve had issues sexually for the past few years (F), specifically issues with my pelvic floor, it is constantly clenched and I have no control over it. This has led to bed wetting which I had a pelvic floor exam for. I cried the whole time because it was so painful and distressing and felt sick and sad for a couple days after. I don’t have any sexual trauma as far as I know, but the doctor said that normally only patients with trauma in their past experience these symptoms. I did have an experience when I was 15 where I did something sexual I did not really want to do, and felt sick afterwards. I consented to it though and my partner stopped when I asked and don’t feel like it’s “enough” to warrant some kind of trauma. Additionally I have a nightmare about a man violently r*ping me in a car that I just can’t get out of my head even during the day it makes me want to cry. I don’t know what is happening to me and don’t know where to turn for help. Suggestions?",3.33424701561065,4.521720119834711,4.8665564738292035,84.11781450872363,73.00826446280992,8.518273645546373,25.014692378328746,8.998388855275968,1.7173325987144181,927,28,198,19,18,312,131,242,0.221,0.747,0.032,-0.9938,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,1,11,10,1,1,10,0,25,6,1,3,0,38,45,19,0,4,6,0,4,1,1,0,5,1,1,2,14,14,0,2,10,0,0,3,11,8,0,0,10,5,24,2,27,35,4,26,0,1,0,0,7,11,0,3,13,129,38,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855870192934205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586153413907835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554899913211785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13392859558473352,0.13900248812812882,0.0,0.13713058296393252,0.2722712979145072,0.1598543185187946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268516720662278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353093090290796,0.0,0.0,0.12805692290898565,0.0,0.08185721978088667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24246241172877736,0.0,0.0,0.06266474013734058,0.08853845449411495,0.2379920974848589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475038528204015,0.0,0.07043453245381437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959440230740837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271920104164845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08307032914144302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587097358143647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905816056008448,0.4086652197660894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054787866420028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272688879839621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142897907016666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09425737052746584,0.13187448440251662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23661799974895065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448721813391146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939527609420767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178895881446234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954104266561936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361435014489127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12881485057350325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217644984273288,0.0,0.07226689583328681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26960914640856976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619893562967745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13836785401033122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798094147540292 ptsd,a5345,2019/09/03,"Don't know if I should be concerned Hey guys, I figured I'd write here, because you would probably know what to think/do. Back home where I live, I volunteer as an EMT which is fun, but we obviously get some heavy calls. I was okay with most of them, but the time I saw someone die in front of their daughter was hard for me to get over. After I talked to some people who went through similar things and waited a bit, I was able to get over it and stop thinking about it for the most part. That changed recently though. I just moved into college, and it's mostly fun, but it's also stressful. It was manageable in the beginning, but then I found out that my (ex)girlfriend slept with someone the day she got to school. (We were on a break, but still...). I thought about that call a little bit before, but not enough to remember what it was actually like. The night she told me, I thought about the whole thing. The way the daughter cried as we walked into the apartment, and how the body of her mom just seemed to stare at me as I did compressions and ventilated her. I wouldn't call it PTSD because I'm able to function normally even when I'm thinking about it and I wouldn't really call it flashbacks, but it's not really pleasant. I was just wondering if you guys have any input on how to stop thinking about it. Thanks!",5.30318181818182,5.479988257575759,5.416212121212124,85.61931818181819,67.93939393939394,9.024242424242424,29.75757575757576,8.841846274778883,2.0386484848484847,1036,35,221,16,16,326,145,264,0.09300000000000001,0.846,0.061,-0.8598,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,3,2,2,0,18,7,0,1,14,1,16,2,2,2,1,57,39,24,1,7,14,3,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,2,20,14,0,3,12,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,16,3,31,6,36,18,10,31,0,0,2,0,25,13,0,9,13,156,51,3,0.20965551884034705,0.0,0.10229677160799856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08383072133508643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128647110275857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806060763626875,0.0,0.12780405833290398,0.0,0.08920070233726221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22888952627034875,0.11644000898908036,0.0,0.0,0.4281634512565116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089386980167723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514837139069355,0.0676052326418488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879466410932986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083150977074592,0.0,0.0692377464428794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149382274886778,0.0,0.0,0.16430453307247972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08384033540638107,0.0,0.0,0.2075919256456604,0.0,0.0,0.0939050821701384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515078983149984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522119018915936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051213548198041615,0.10506495417954012,0.09256483210159568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227730048804178,0.0,0.1114153184956164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983737509886606,0.102708947191009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351824806146593,0.0,0.07267436933610576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302205463266027,0.0,0.12253804105531775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343106939055049,0.0,0.10350476591229513,0.0,0.11874941647263695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609128902019202,0.0,0.09543125512082344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764044075555188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371558408448768,0.17528140150322602,0.12007984423978026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425658221698283,0.0,0.09651131682044588,0.0,0.0,0.13928581077446914,0.26867758190815955,0.10299274139071496,0.1664430632105273,0.0611259095204136,0.0,0.0,0.10016741642091424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320739609716701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971763832068816,0.0,0.11703644977751396,0.0,0.0,0.11368123343834415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07446663263674108,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,civil_lingonberry,2019/09/03,"Numbness during EMDR sessions I started EMDR a few weeks ago. While I can talk about the memories in sessions, I can’t feel much of anything toward them. I just feel completely numb. It’s frustrating because I know the emotions are there. As far as I can tell, this problem is not unique to sessions. I am also relatively numb in my day to day life, except for when the feelings occasionally resurface in response to certain triggers. The one time I felt seriously emotional was at the beginning of the first real session. I thought I was going to lose it there for a second, and then I got some dissociation symptoms for a moment. By the time I felt present again, I felt totally numb again. I feel comfortable/safe with my therapist, I try really hard to focus on the memories. I don’t know what my problem is. But I worry that if I can’t find a way to break through the numbness, I won’t make any progress and my therapist will give up on me. Do any of you have experience with this, and if so, did you ever overcome it? What helped you?",4.362282430213462,5.764066049261082,5.615093596059115,78.90950410509033,70.7733990147783,8.566042692939245,32.25254515599343,9.029198982220553,2.8439802298850574,820,38,155,16,15,274,121,203,0.158,0.809,0.033,-0.9703,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,1,3,10,11,1,0,13,0,16,7,0,2,3,31,32,13,0,4,6,0,8,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,11,0,0,1,5,10,0,3,8,8,28,1,28,22,4,29,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,3,17,118,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072278281851735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10890979926146864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18522553866205294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207143374538417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301917313940556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427909266211683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566047861184247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063871968444462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231901877492394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332183693387397,0.0,0.0,0.27544375019978623,0.0,0.3922866094960519,0.0,0.12447371317834575,0.11584176749741945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306443048899913,0.07739899551217755,0.0,0.10892228951036677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199803945264412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128420120669756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969114537389427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619388122755948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235996295106985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909068019872506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011413023575227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228477170051227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26062777637781104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15501219326417154,0.08724576431501377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639483718822484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415518736917585,0.0,0.1094630621038013,0.11903464793581915,0.0,0.0,0.3162504146396741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081183623021951,0.1588250805795378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924629712110882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809999796839544,0.1092421046615158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830591187449448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheVeggieLife,2019/09/03,"Took me like 12 years to figure out I have PTSD. It feels as though I’m suffocating underneath an avalanche. [nsfw] Marked as NSFW as it might be triggering to those who dealt with abusive households. In December, I decided to spontaneously cease contact with my dad when an opportunity arose. I had been ruminating over that thought for years. I thought I would be free of his emotional abuse, the feeling of being suffocated and having to answer to him. To my surprise, it got really bad. I began to dwell more on the past, and my mom was continuously making me feel guilty, claiming to not understand what could’ve possibly went wrong. This was exhausting to go through. I developed a severe marijuana addiction as a result of being unable to cope with those emotions. I was seeing a psychiatrist but they were ignorant to trauma. Last year, I witnessed the van attack in Toronto and it’s aftermath as I walked past Yonge street that day after work, bodies still laid down at 9 pm as the investigation wasn’t complete. This shook my sense of safety as well. I didn’t realize until my first appointment last week with a trauma specialist that it deeply disturbed me and made me incredibly uncomfortable in public. I’m almost done, I swear. Now I’m realizing how my mom was potentially worse than my dad in some regards. Some of the things she said to me when I decided to cut contact are now things that have made me want to stop contact with her. “I chose you my whole life over him and I suffered for it.” Not really something I wanted to hear, something she likely thinks I’ve forgotten. The more I think back, the more disturbed I get. I feel shackled to this fucked up family situation. The reason I haven’t gone entirely nuclear on my mom is because my younger sibling is still at home and it’s already been a difficult time since I ceased contact with my dad. My moms not making the house a very pleasant place (I moved out a while ago) If you’ve read this far, I appreciate you so much. Present day, I feel like my chest is full of dread and I feel so heavy. My personal hygiene is a joke, and I’m riddled with intrusive thoughts about harming myself that I can’t listen to because my partner will notice. I feel like I’ve been robbed of a shot at life and I’m so angry for it. I feel like I can’t breathe. I’ve asked to see the therapist on a weekly basis because I’ve never felt so bad. I thought in my twenties I was making progress on my mental health and this all creeped up on me out of nowhere. I was well aware of my situation but it never felt so... life altering. I’m more and more aware of how I’ve been robbed of a childhood, robbed of a sense of safety, robbed from a life free of anxiety and depression. I’m so bitter and angry and I just want to scream. This past week has been a literal hell for me and I don’t know how to get by until my appointment. I’m not a danger to myself I just don’t know how to cope. I’ve done so many therapies, I have all the tools. It just all feels meaningless when my situation will never really change. I hate my life.",3.2853358256241307,5.23237379736409,4.592154036243823,82.93015476492208,74.61779242174629,8.030021543530607,26.664839690786966,8.786649364141006,2.055733519199088,2433,91,481,51,52,804,273,607,0.182,0.72,0.098,-0.9964,0,0,2,0,1,1,60.0,0,2,1,4,26,37,7,5,28,0,40,12,3,12,6,89,92,43,0,5,10,7,11,5,1,4,8,4,1,2,27,25,0,2,27,2,2,7,14,24,2,1,31,18,77,15,84,53,13,70,1,2,2,1,28,26,2,5,42,321,104,2,0.0,0.15971074167432808,0.0,0.07347354919124346,0.0,0.0,0.0597440822568832,0.0,0.06748916009968745,0.0,0.07437514714131742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155913175382693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300784402444888,0.0766747262168174,0.0,0.05182474720783471,0.11254869390257367,0.1232552181073054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486376093515505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071297934705463,0.0,0.07066530994747014,0.0,0.0,0.05381165828716617,0.0,0.0,0.08693200933949675,0.0,0.05804962551378751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13794269677187776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516269047429772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353664664018417,0.0,0.3067051702336302,0.14444700320214496,0.12942491283929675,0.0,0.0,0.057328533393342165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06230817913544898,0.07042513646464321,0.0,0.03830372235066127,0.0,0.05390417676088589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654137309625435,0.0,0.07164070866648961,0.07596221778804353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760548767070572,0.0,0.0,0.07776801103631886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408013544377336,0.1098764032875439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23802529309267406,0.1646358009684962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754685403573546,0.1349656625411245,0.06833078967614832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06792112925353537,0.07149841394581244,0.0,0.3157419504328678,0.0,0.07163319412962425,0.04954513715006623,0.0,0.15594401257795434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673284086323877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301647607646927,0.0,0.05884915842647238,0.0704163550575002,0.0,0.0,0.0759808916593277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878442032658914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741603779467753,0.0,0.12953026756275146,0.06929616245246928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411074078310176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741463955008472,0.0,0.0,0.07614032884142383,0.0,0.05575215579672281,0.2272738497759477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377223684684392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764793867433824,0.05634757783189037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770752569250256,0.07825403931588294,0.08955220572386748,0.08637157638185297,0.0662179953133962,0.21402529597324849,0.039300198591613884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07488143456795808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016348566285179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561024263781893,0.11925890418865337,0.0,0.16218734693907874,0.0,0.12119743089010933,0.062478434896249824,0.0,0.07524723566162521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049066400370882564,0.0,0.0686841151290148,0.04787746266737067,0.07368891291520739,0.0,0.13020591848373453 ptsd,StephieKills,2019/09/03,"Could use someone to talk to... I had a recent traumatic event happen and I'd like to see if anyone on here would be willing to talk about it. I don't want to post what happened here because it's just too heavy and is too much of a trigger for a lot of people so if you don't mind please PM me but again I want to warn those who may have sexual trauma triggers. Thank you in advance and I hope all of you are having a great day!",1.9697112462006103,2.825572840425533,3.581185410334349,93.30500000000002,75.91489361702128,6.222492401215807,21.939209726443767,6.1826913282559595,0.13759756838905754,333,8,79,2,7,111,68,94,0.11800000000000001,0.732,0.15,0.8029,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,1,8,5,0,0,4,0,12,0,0,3,1,19,20,7,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,1,8,4,13,14,3,8,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,5,5,58,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153426396322154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375886312526306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17519224774183906,0.0,0.0,0.14151035855118055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419157877083872,0.0,0.0,0.3880719222208632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21793758985253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719950638402012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18654647904971636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155573785573315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16130192263686322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152121006915479,0.0,0.0,0.24086171305183385,0.0,0.0,0.210147583708193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166547760230345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485255743964725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18591728393037926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527294765181123,0.0,0.2020161829759572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951192645926992,0.0,0.0,0.25884397734708914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15587254821457702,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,oatmeal121313,2019/10/01,"Worried that I am a monster I don’t know if this is something that anyone here can relate to, but I’m terrified that I am one day going to snap and do something terrible, not because I want to hurt anyone or anything. A little bit of background, I spent 6 years in the army and 7 years as a medic fire fighter in a very low income urban area. I am fairly early in my treatment, I am still learning my triggers. Today at the grocery store I became triggered by multiple people bumping into me, shoulder checking etc, the way people do in overcrowded situations. As I was selecting produce a man pushed his shopping cart against my leg and began to apply pressure in an attempt to get me to move, I pushed his cart onto its side and screamed that if he came any closer to me I would kill him. I’m ashamed. I feel like I live in a world where I’m terrified of everything, but ultimately I’m terrified of myself and what might happen when I disassociate. I just want to be normal.",8.090664375715921,6.224760185567014,8.691924398625428,71.13858533791525,63.123711340206185,10.890263459335628,39.081328751431855,9.444778638647367,3.7058414662084775,772,34,142,11,9,261,123,194,0.252,0.7240000000000001,0.025,-0.9939,1,0,2,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,7,8,1,2,10,0,13,3,2,3,0,25,27,13,1,6,7,0,2,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,7,7,0,0,3,1,4,5,2,7,0,1,4,3,25,1,24,20,2,30,0,2,0,0,5,16,0,4,9,97,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11846421528709215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436139906443722,0.0,0.1433544699143177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619271263329057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018488149009985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992421628772004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123467147458224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19428272412897504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656269017637015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808242092005979,0.12445086980764684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101403243113727,0.0,0.099003747902046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540473997556929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648823183242888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1927301371815272,0.0,0.09573757593167892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510693130823109,0.1745974679138224,0.15382470233784146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17549149408006798,0.0,0.18480216843899352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851505351908757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17068224368137416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804466210673095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241541263067318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19581180406745288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682204168556213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13911897759076544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16512435599941974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437359636351684,0.2054992354228964,0.1382744682441113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17691190359738826,0.0,0.12374902367754224,0.0,0.0,0.2243624228981401 ptsd,themarshmallowdiva,2019/10/01,"Wow. The Nightmares. Oh. My. Gosh. Forgot all about the PTSD nightmares. I'd fought them for years, and hadn't had them nearly as often lately -- or when I did, I wasn't remembering them anymore, thank goodness. I recently got a secondary PTSD diagnosis related to medical surgeries/bone setting, and it has really kicked up my PTSD symptoms. Flinching from loud noises, contact, nightmares, anxiety, constant fear. With the new secondary medical PTSD diagnosis -- the nightmares have come back, are violent, and are atrocious. Was up and down all night, and finally slept around 6AM. And then I finally slept, and WOW. The nightmares. Was with a group of really shady people, and we were on some kind of late night mission. It all felt natural though, because I used to socialize with some pretty shady people... -sighs- Don't ask. Just trying to get this out of my head so that I can shake reliving them in my head. Basically trekked with them to this unknown house, late at night, and everything went super south, super fast. The people I was with -- they murdered a woman that used to be my friend. I mean, I got held back, tied up, and told I needed to watch this. It was like being apart of the Manson/Tate murders, without being included. And I like... watched her, her husband, and her three children, get murdered by these shady people. I didn't... *do* anything. I *couldn't*... do anything. I felt the helplessness. The inability to do anything. I hate my brain. I think it was guilt. We had a falling out a few years back over drug use. She got sick, and needed a heart transplant, and died less than a year after the transplant. She passed away a couple years ago, after a heart transplant failed to take. She only had two kids. It felt so real. Like I hadn't seen her in so long, and in that time, she'd had another kid... Three kids. Her and her husband. Still hearing the damned screams. I don't remember it all -- but I definitely remember the screams. The blood. Stabbing. I started to realize it was a dream, and I was screaming. ""WAKE UP! WAKE UP, IT'S NOT REAL. SHE DIED. I KNOW SHE DIED, WAKE UP."" I swore I was screaming in my sleep like I used to. I woke up abruptly, rolled out of bed, and just stared at the wall, breathing hard. It was bad. I forgot all about just how bad the night terrors are. They've been bad the past few weeks -- but this one... just... I can't shake it, and I'm still tearing up. Brutal.",1.8057959850606904,4.480316773420482,2.6972389511360113,90.3234681372549,84.96949891067537,5.544366635543107,23.664838157485214,7.021680442328713,1.0116955804544037,1865,71,363,26,56,587,216,459,0.155,0.76,0.085,-0.9844,0,0,1,0,0,0,126.0,2,0,6,3,19,35,8,5,26,0,37,18,13,5,5,71,72,30,6,3,9,2,4,4,1,0,5,6,1,5,18,31,0,3,10,1,0,6,10,22,1,4,36,14,55,12,53,31,10,66,0,2,4,0,35,26,1,4,37,242,73,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245628332355255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388078560623536,0.05389976076437908,0.0,0.06987486357700838,0.0,0.0,0.1739414480446722,0.06272207342619986,0.0658682100275095,0.0,0.0661970989531871,0.16253230307564556,0.17648709751328726,0.042950211035778514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865382224726243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06069285936103552,0.0,0.07613947914823271,0.0,0.0,0.07795983461621178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21937114567476884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170827985696325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332261806537806,0.0,0.0,0.07928422600767764,0.0,0.0,0.2029506200462033,0.15436539758489354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443525550100412,0.0,0.07362222516404714,0.0,0.0,0.05909637101465776,0.16905379121693026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311604105769124,0.06956215065734092,0.14461935306117155,0.0,0.07941067327231141,0.16698484850152612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129844408537883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337059783216254,0.03872157503424031,0.0,0.2384372368406012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376878156571397,0.0,0.0,0.06235263113277851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674882457450771,0.0,0.14195694824656135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448662128530142,0.0,0.06804824976883116,0.0,0.264478197043688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047743795439517234,0.05358606999879045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725961389845038,0.19538531346147295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168056236532754,0.0,0.0,0.3294439811623282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16039201938654055,0.09027370058276316,0.0,0.06956823745865967,0.0,0.23944368736351165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050833923765276,0.07182250317541465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987014979108008,0.0,0.11253483028047148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323227415625913,0.05297523815218836,0.0,0.0,0.06486775895616183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045146292668889115,0.0692240924988795,0.0,0.04108430902588558,0.0,0.0,0.06732511831479672,0.0,0.04783598747536005,0.0,0.06882669635580993,0.0,0.0,0.24341047897812934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05651672103895763,0.0,0.0,0.06531476732229388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679184730201945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18148916574436885 ptsd,BugetHead,2019/10/01,"Found out I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2015, but I had no idea. I feel VALIDATED. I have suspected PTSD for a long time, but hadn’t gotten a diagnosis from my current counselor. Well, today I go to my doctor about pain and we get to chatting about what I’ve been doing for my health the past couple years, and counseling. I mention I think I deal with PTSD and she says “You already have a diagnosis... I thought I saw it in your chart.” I am in shock and ask her to check again, and it’s right there in my chart. PTSD due to sexual abuse and childhood abuse. Diagnosis was made in 2015 by a counselor I was seeing at the time, but she didn’t tell me about it because she was referring me to a psychiatrist for testing. But because of the paperwork and it being in my chart, it’s a diagnosis! I cried with relief. I have been afraid that the symptoms I deal with and my behavior has been due to a personality flaw of some kind or I’m just broken. This is so validating. I can’t wait to tell my counselor! It’s just nice to know it’s not all in my head, and what I went through is real.",1.8417999999999992,3.5990573022222243,3.796611111111112,87.88025000000003,78.2,7.166666666666668,23.69444444444445,8.07648339933343,1.177777777777778,843,28,188,15,20,286,117,225,0.14,0.762,0.09699999999999999,-0.9003,1,0,0,0,2,0,25.0,1,2,0,0,9,7,0,1,11,0,20,6,1,1,1,36,35,15,0,0,8,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,11,15,0,1,8,1,1,2,5,3,1,0,16,4,34,4,32,18,2,23,0,0,2,0,16,10,0,2,11,132,45,2,0.0,0.2961880775390851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793080927138626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684982485109704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238685352926187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13830029716186712,0.1372968764383052,0.0,0.2577207132243461,0.0,0.1268633559878044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793370787939606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319926594963009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704631187537775,0.0,0.0,0.06530270150026886,0.0,0.07103533404639407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827694929176908,0.13285971595281867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14109976076462896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13015901756443454,0.06869185087646854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061320815955553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11826962011746515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329993644505472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11931816729654494,0.0,0.1091374250497997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5844317233000372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14226725885676586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674173373382057,0.0,0.09939795558058402,0.0,0.0,0.09960174016588172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299136321608336,0.0,0.0,0.2184954965697315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008926292110935,0.0,0.09922898781647782,0.14576665471243538,0.0,0.1184769671469384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11238202791399264,0.11586802068270452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049018343121912 ptsd,kitsoncatson,2019/10/01,"Being triggered by our President. This sounds stupid I know, but I’ll try to explain. I had to deal with a lot of gaslighting growing up. It made me question myself my whole life and made me feel like I didn’t exist. Trying to get help is a nightmare when your abuser is able to hide and deny that anything ever happened. I was denied healthcare and food throughout my childhood. I can’t believe I’m watching the country being run by abusive people that commit crimes and lie about it. And the other party seems almost complacent by not arresting or fining those who are in contempt. I feel like I’m living with my childhood abuser, and my guardian is turning a blind eye. Does anyone else feel this way?? Somebody please tell me I’m not the only one. I feel like I’m losing my mind, obsessively reading the news every day on the chance that I might see some justice. It makes me ill and I can’t stop obsessing over it. I feel so stupid, but that’s what this illness is doing to me. How do I stop? It’s almost all I think about anymore. I can’t handle that my abuser got away with everything and I’m watching it happen all over again. It’s a nightmare.",2.742842650103519,4.838200708695653,3.7649068322981374,87.57746376811596,76.69565217391303,5.424430641821947,24.865424430641824,6.1826913282559595,0.8059337474120087,913,32,173,6,21,294,134,230,0.248,0.634,0.11800000000000001,-0.9893,0,0,0,0,3,0,23.0,1,1,0,1,7,10,3,2,9,0,16,6,1,5,4,44,39,14,0,0,5,0,5,3,0,1,4,1,0,0,19,11,1,2,10,1,0,2,6,6,0,1,6,11,27,4,20,30,5,17,0,1,5,0,8,6,0,8,11,115,46,1,0.11027685237280688,0.5226401498297198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22085267638608871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936500527963952,0.0771081392435976,0.11299166717143327,0.09074845330604736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036087328962494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12424424930578462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111944680408475,0.11369059255602555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650401665403743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212215974085224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975172644015087,0.09291300432573256,0.0,0.09910972422018956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27879645004181725,0.23634541610847065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334720762090874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05761510385555984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819847282471656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950349127167507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739162496092097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060527407525505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789180210488902,0.16162709931114494,0.0,0.09737648101078174,0.0,0.0,0.12337159007877622,0.0,0.0937534363498009,0.0,0.20869324819578272,0.07361065527264103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169863134610728,0.1113481844996647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472644915518538,0.08387051549480477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645208428467345,0.0,0.0,0.12105086838809168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353531270082395,0.0,0.11030669485520234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787637374891961,0.10039190469128216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439277290849065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963868296228554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706609542163574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974148799686304,0.1199495485862934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753263244856795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231201674608011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sweaters4Dorks,2019/10/01,"Doing an educational project about intrusive thoughts and would like your guys’ input. So I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was sixteen (21F) and have been working through it for around two years now. I’m in art school and wanted to do an illustrative drawing series about intrusive and invasive thoughts. Basically they’re drawings of a figure I commonly use in everyday situations, but they have a caption of an intrusive thought or “audible flashback” I’ve had. The series aims to educate people on the nature of these echoing thoughts and how they can interrupt even the most mundane activities and become a crippling part of day-to-day life. I’m making a list of some of the intrusive thoughts I want to include and would like your guys’ help and input. What are some recurring intrusive thoughts or comments you struggle to shake?",9.282969798657717,9.32645027516779,8.621401006711412,66.42458473154366,59.67114093959732,12.28221476510067,44.12835570469799,11.698219412168324,5.5142677852349005,677,38,108,18,8,214,95,149,0.055,0.8759999999999999,0.068,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,2,1,8,4,0,2,11,0,12,2,0,3,0,30,24,14,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,2,3,10,0,0,7,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,10,1,9,2,19,12,4,11,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,5,8,75,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304669732490482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16186090469605136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890345295695049,0.0,0.0,0.14875246537698075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679964342863953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902293245165431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823419683585427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351767926977873,0.1432008827258909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782806402515133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587071575771057,0.0,0.10160430400403037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131751522826508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832370311924672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473642486917234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321339857300367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6981002414589641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14316508147389964,0.0,0.0,0.12657835876050727,0.0,0.0,0.17288645859804574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669538162354017,0.0,0.0,0.2082200492332561,0.0,0.0,0.09437802689998402 ptsd,alwaysaskin4,2019/10/01,"I don’t want her to win Basically, I’m going to a funeral for my old school friend in a couple weeks. A girl who basically caused me havoc at school (she humiliated me on the school bus, left me socially anxious to catch the bus for about a year and a bit because she and her friend would always make fun of me and call my name and embarrass me) is going to be there. For some reason, out of the blue, she messaged me on social media to tell me about the itinerary (I’m not sure how she found out this info as she was basically as class bully and wasn’t remotely close to the girl). She unfollowed me (as I unfollowed her) a couple months back and my account is on private so HOW so could message me again is beyond me and actually scares me. Ive checked my followers list and she doesn’t appear. The first time she messaged me to tell me about her death (which I already knew about) caused me to have a awful dream and make me cry and trigger an emotional breakdown. I can’t see her in person at this funeral. I’m going with my mom and other classmates will be there so I know I won’t be alone, but I literally just can’t see her. Ever since she did that to me when I was 13, I’ve had traumatic nightmares (of demons traumatising me and haunting my home) and can’t even fathom how she was even messaging me on social media, asking me questions but not replying to mine as if she just wanted to check up on me (when we did follow each other as I basically forced myself to get over it and move on) I’ve tried to be civil and everything but it’s tearing me up inside. I don’t want to start anything as it’s a funeral and I want to be respectful but how do I go about not triggering another breakdown? Every time i see her I have another nightmare and it’s affecting my self esteem. Any advice on how to cope is appreciated xx",4.391524822695036,4.766672904255317,6.023191489361705,79.78333333333335,69.95744680851064,9.35177304964539,28.43262411347518,9.408791572840183,2.300982624113475,1436,48,298,29,24,494,174,376,0.11199999999999999,0.825,0.064,-0.9431,3,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,0,2,25,8,0,2,15,1,30,0,0,13,2,62,55,38,4,7,10,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,4,11,23,0,0,6,1,3,9,11,2,0,1,9,4,64,6,51,37,3,41,1,0,4,0,40,19,0,4,13,217,75,4,0.0,0.0,0.10071688886419068,0.0,0.0,0.10085443296258063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689317803810366,0.1138934638067638,0.0,0.08587797934857103,0.0,0.0,0.07018551489669388,0.21644682593528888,0.0,0.11659655302138328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493203841595265,0.0,0.09648628444802396,0.0,0.0,0.07936118713412542,0.0,0.06291511910480062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267726545607552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538771179690533,0.0,0.0,0.21204771051722224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240381889754393,0.2283971213172233,0.11337000710726472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609599477271035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633686193766936,0.09335825739641476,0.0869578550955736,0.0,0.09275740355017904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778934219415126,0.0,0.11316310869109662,0.15947770689615426,0.0,0.053922331849521686,0.0,0.2346237302587255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352682931210874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056720850642044934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213664994959796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137785334596392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087688490745035,0.08238026976742584,0.10969460789722522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083002612286449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011793257455622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156174627973954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611582327671798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333000152489086,0.31335840997947795,0.2467321242135318,0.0,0.10766927469490024,0.0,0.0,0.08537537581361794,0.0,0.0,0.31562508537538514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07305171123062397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727306109306924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18041805932960647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036374832006334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007199212597481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435008684112633,0.0,0.08278786412985918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331656166145069,0.0,0.0,0.06646307552206245 ptsd,-fucklife-,2019/10/01,Night terrors I have suffered from having nightmares every night for about 7 months now. They are very detailed and so realistic that I can feel everything in the dream and have emotions from it when I wake up. I just had a night terror and woke up trying to scream..(in that part of my dream I was trying to scream for help but I couldn't make any noise) I've tried taking anxiety meds and prazosin for this but they didn't help. I'm so scared right now I don't even know how to come out of this..,1.2687113857016783,3.531246621359223,2.038517210944395,97.12508384819068,82.7864077669903,4.910503089143866,18.101500441306268,6.1124844417494595,-0.4062932038834952,394,9,88,3,11,122,70,103,0.146,0.7709999999999999,0.083,-0.7498,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,9,5,0,3,2,0,10,1,1,2,0,14,17,10,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,2,10,0,15,12,1,13,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,7,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360984269314005,0.0,0.1503029556559776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924594877246474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210081043320253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976998675282514,0.0,0.1655387918340932,0.0,0.17657920035501973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09934374169144096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633863095055907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10797760681615663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13114869149241498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21823960484441496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682459408960878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5531358696006675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276344629866792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16778870868849555,0.0,0.0,0.19670590533593024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477248647848418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40018119945091946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211257926370842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,quibditchh,2019/10/01,don’t know where else to post this this is my first post in this sub so sorry if i am violating any rules or if this isn’t okay. i’ve not been officially diagnosed with PTSD but i do have bipolar disorder and my therapist has said i exhibit all the symptoms of it due to a traumatic abusive relationship from 5 years ago. well i recently got involved with someone new and things were getting serious (i thought??) considering the way he was talking to me and treating me. well he basically decided he wasn’t fit to be seeing someone right now because of what’s going on in his life or at least that’s what he said. before everything kind of fell apart i had opened up to him about some very personal things that i typically do not tell people but i thought that was okay because he did the same and told me about his personal life. now i am regretting letting myself start to get close to someone again because every time i do i start having flashbacks and nightmares about what happened in the past. this opened up a whole load of issues that i had been avoiding dealing with and it made me remember why i never ever make myself vulnerable to people. i can’t get in with my therapist again for a few weeks so i’m kind of left just marinating in my misery for a while.,4.98000234356691,5.948937649402393,5.9642512303726285,78.59942113897355,68.9203187250996,9.411858448558707,31.896179985938602,9.627879704456738,2.958160815561284,1014,43,196,22,17,336,143,251,0.132,0.82,0.048,-0.9736,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,14,11,1,1,8,2,23,5,0,2,3,36,41,15,0,3,9,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,2,16,13,0,1,5,0,0,2,7,4,2,1,16,3,27,7,32,23,6,40,0,1,1,0,18,17,0,5,18,140,43,0,0.0,0.13163052541993195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09847984995575602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554905059981404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031691663331721,0.0,0.09453446453679196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453503859838407,0.0,0.11276004317227754,0.0,0.0,0.12732557510318265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09280640450955063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004926404306317,0.09360312315634592,0.0,0.09984586968742104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944981520091797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17412913405375802,0.0,0.06313838437790155,0.0,0.08885357409250345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982417751276888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595530042641836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23137865659549126,0.061055424634666386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070606668064612,0.11360312827328005,0.15694069948988634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051216670611824,0.07415740434943703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568403976895486,0.1072971536309651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605364796505017,0.15403987660908533,0.1940093837894317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279840648236972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12986521174186794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969384058803963,0.1192754658401292,0.12585004608879394,0.09487532794943897,0.2113553642258796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852908259985225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823936948962352,0.0,0.0,0.12436281216481646,0.15726855993829547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154712222222091,0.0,0.08929471041009214,0.09710275057093554,0.0,0.0,0.257981904119788,0.147614415516064,0.0,0.0,0.17639553775012964,0.06478093753105812,0.0,0.0,0.10615693405173277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09166578754073404,0.0,0.08818278813327853,0.08911446393751378,0.0,0.1997771889400137,0.0,0.10024680831424153,0.12403465243101143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154214460100919 ptsd,roly_polygum,2019/10/01,"Can PTSD cause memory problems in day to day life? I’m *known* for forgetting things all the time: entire conversations from a couple days ago, things I’ve said, opinions I have, activities I’ve done, etc. Of course, I also have issues with remembering my childhood, but the day to day forgetfulness is so much more of an issue. I used to think it was stress related (constantly being in survival mode) but knowing more about C-PTSD I’m thinking it’s an aftermath of childhood trauma. Anyone else deal with this?",4.026409356725146,6.586710073684207,4.922456140350878,78.57163742690062,74.57894736842105,8.011695906432749,26.345029239766077,8.841846274778883,2.3270467836257307,407,15,71,9,9,132,69,95,0.105,0.895,0.0,-0.8628,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,1,5,0,7,1,0,2,1,16,14,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,4,0,13,10,5,13,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,11,43,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854786109820372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499065535123426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928649729048084,0.16014474800340955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605600741716626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16890153271641867,0.0,0.0,0.17293965895618182,0.0,0.503993178067804,0.16113534520752812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15994609733635898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13056608886782112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431247152881005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262669239300744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589674431242553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110397194163824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489627960881388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955512172963234,0.36540566067037344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17705403402367426,0.0,0.14867423974692948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903768674506762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20767356516282745,0.20029761468144688,0.0,0.0,0.09113803827784832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349904262498423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kattaganist,2019/10/01,"Any advice on how to sleep? I just moved away for college and suffer from ptsd from living with my abusive father for 16 years. This is my first time living away from my mom and something about her presence in the house always made me feel safe but now i feel exposed and unsafe and i cant sleep. Not consistently anyway. And i dont know what to do i tried googling techniques and asking my therapist, but it was all like yoga and meditating which ive tried and enjoy but it still take a looong time for it to work like 2 hours long. Ig this makes it easier to pull all nighter, but i really want to sleep.",3.745528455284554,4.932229406504064,4.322113821138212,88.41699186991873,72.00813008130079,7.0926829268292675,22.609756097560968,7.3871296695380915,0.6714487804878044,479,11,101,5,9,152,81,123,0.049,0.807,0.14400000000000002,0.9192,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,2,0,6,3,3,3,2,25,14,13,0,1,6,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,9,0,1,3,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,2,2,13,4,17,12,2,14,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,0,10,66,21,2,0.0,0.1855603453167037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304003978164618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031424588693066,0.0,0.0,0.10650195213402852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464116586306865,0.0,0.2942854238859074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835488243508084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583760927963485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321461463951975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542318835747365,0.1807099363663169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860702002253888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302603072998866,0.0,0.27658362562421873,0.1385972404643263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819064786006572,0.10454014002430073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18342280781828632,0.0,0.16645443004624344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830717719812344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033005472239392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.470177171541556,0.0,0.0,0.12056804634251055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507104070541275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177531996235846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183932283643295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264415643489834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21265937743197014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237418101976602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401585266987853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008533925889094 ptsd,Akramu1991,2019/10/01,"I just want to be normal again Guys this is really messed up Something happened with me like 9 years ago and since then I've never been the same It's like my intestines have been turned inside out and my body has an counterpunch way to keep me that way And by intestines I mean my human conciousness I just can't make myself to feel normal, happy singing moving laughing dancing like I used to And I get it you'll say it's depression but I've seen people depressed they don't lose their ability to interact like a human but I have",2.6791666666666667,4.815707842592591,3.5905185185185218,88.55633333333336,77.05555555555556,6.542222222222222,22.837037037037035,7.554174236665415,0.9933525925925926,429,13,85,6,10,137,75,108,0.102,0.743,0.156,0.44,0,0,1,0,0,0,1.0,0,1,2,1,3,10,0,0,3,0,10,3,3,2,1,20,20,7,0,3,4,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,0,3,5,6,0,1,2,2,0,2,3,4,0,0,3,3,15,6,9,15,1,11,0,3,1,0,8,2,0,0,9,53,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326094576189212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457805948065186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3172611045142543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312493903785687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622437863545308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18236323442925728,0.16286626277232813,0.196058817936428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16370412557499872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599164376724405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060458768999076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293893598310165,0.0,0.0,0.20062169920095976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957499819189253,0.0,0.0,0.14204791513861886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609068273020807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768447530912658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179878864886758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646417825971084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235232243589533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178771261894227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033064262549916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15906896348785235,0.0,0.0,0.10863179946229863,0.2923807336633363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860333047463302 ptsd,unauthorised_at_work,2019/10/01,Hypervigilance is so exhausting I nearly jumped out of my skin because a coworker simply said good morning to me. I wish I could just be normal instead of being that guy people are told to avoid talking to.,8.367692307692309,7.708957692307695,8.958589743589744,65.56557692307696,61.82051282051282,10.876923076923077,37.44871794871795,10.125756701596842,3.937964102564103,166,7,27,3,2,56,34,39,0.129,0.737,0.133,0.040999999999999995,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,5,2,1,0,0,6,8,1,0,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,2,5,1,7,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21660969674439545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837071037288253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980392108787521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35183878076518554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34815410706332417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463454339138335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3380061712355964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28560584007747564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395390408978541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4086191829194302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,8-Bit_Aubrey,2019/10/01,"I've never been diagnosed but I don't know who to talk to. TW: Murder, Suicide. When I was 21 in 2006 a girl I knew from High school and church was killed in a murder-suicide. We were not close as in friends but we were acquaintances. When I found out she was murdered I screamed and cried which I'm pretty sure is normal. But when I went to her funeral I instantly could not breathe when I walked into the viewing room and almost fell over. I literally (and I'm using that correctly here I promise) think of her every day. I obsessively wonder, ""did she suffer?"" I don't know if this is PTSD but I just had to ask if anyone else has felt something like this.",1.1385323383084582,3.4851218582089563,2.6880298507462723,91.70199502487564,84.1492537313433,5.662885572139304,20.873631840796023,7.0316486544052195,0.5182055721393026,515,16,109,7,15,168,88,134,0.239,0.664,0.096,-0.9769,0,0,1,0,0,2,17.0,2,0,0,0,6,10,3,1,3,0,14,2,1,1,3,32,26,15,5,4,9,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,5,9,0,0,7,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,12,3,19,4,13,13,0,18,1,1,1,0,11,9,0,4,7,73,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18372157741096715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828849715448212,0.18798963785922496,0.0,0.0,0.17152236709328286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648815793551262,0.0,0.20153633324843606,0.11832482327359145,0.0,0.0,0.18622110169317652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15326804075044972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458380668997707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616272826621426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116853272329385,0.14175068478345446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19384916126067284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029855476690495,0.0,0.2016637830200404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963557705436681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150558863230026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1797644583130959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866578691958352,0.0,0.0,0.21446996756856448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856843403037277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124637954306787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40137908340127176,0.0,0.17292100932833102,0.0,0.0,0.14746854364479975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11756200723869545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584616521088159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17008118928065594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989685018521684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ivieskates99,2019/10/01,"Any home remedies to help sleep better When I was young I was abused a lot but a lot of people that came into and out of my life. There was always one person that would never hurt me EVER! My mom and she never did anything to me on purpose one morning I heard a thud come from my moms room and I wanted to make sure she was okay. I opened the door and saw her naked on the floor unconscious I was really scared she wasn’t moving even after I yelled her name I thought she was dead. We came too a little bit later and asked if I saw anything. Of course I said no only that I called her name and she didn’t answer I feel bad for lying but I don’t want her thinking she scarred me like that. But I can’t talk to her about this. Anyways every once and a while I can’t sleep for weeks cause when I close my eyes all I see her here naked unconscious body lying lifeless in the floor HOW THE FUCK DO I GET THIS IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD someone please recommend something g I’m real low on sleep and it’s affecting my everyday life. I can’t see a therapist on such short notice and I couldn’t afford one if I wanted to so that why I’m here.",0.1912234365513079,2.275800204918036,2.0073952641165747,96.76650576806317,85.88524590163935,4.762355798421372,16.414086217364904,6.037888025583468,-0.5860156041287192,886,18,204,7,27,291,133,244,0.152,0.753,0.095,-0.9651,1,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,13,9,1,1,10,1,16,9,6,4,5,46,37,19,1,7,5,2,1,1,0,1,2,3,3,1,8,18,0,0,4,0,0,4,10,5,0,3,16,9,43,4,22,19,4,31,0,2,5,1,24,16,1,4,12,135,51,0,0.0,0.13611150420522425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558759980084454,0.0,0.0,0.07812089851963917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18906941593075854,0.0,0.10739531151115317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959182323168377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160015043460026,0.12541689311706058,0.12760342860497995,0.0,0.0,0.11730316078212373,0.2627793844620882,0.0,0.11801122852073045,0.0,0.09895712263713796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587575706750592,0.10391362039262067,0.09678956952023147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808570840894173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620275001550186,0.06001895149674569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789784834034005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770002222201739,0.0,0.11523188137403301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297914774332293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162283289612653,0.05612353002917883,0.1151378164252092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19533013298175056,0.0,0.0,0.07668187771609772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26908717199337245,0.0,0.12209700739966232,0.0,0.0,0.17720180789564352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307892291068652,0.0,0.12234119422763465,0.2335326760121584,0.08736980521825415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964185832260952,0.10030693478303768,0.0,0.12610141633412536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075617872966616,0.07359371228777407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927517175385892,0.0,0.11501279965020825,0.0,0.18308559599124424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3448825337776418,0.0,0.09733565591460054,0.08843860534294364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827104347002918,0.0,0.0,0.09233448938012924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13338207423942694,0.0,0.07360910768220491,0.0,0.09120020565770667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032738520754556,0.0,0.09214810694009824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365941963609347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816059507690932,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Muskratapplepie,2019/10/01,"Does anyone else ever go to sleep hoping they won’t wake up? Conversely, does anyone else wake up upset they didn’t die in their sleep? I am having a hell of time adjusting to uni, the hallways are too crowded, the lecture halls are too exposed, the “normal” persona I meticulously curated is far too friendly and I find myself being approached and talked to when I’m certainly in no mood, but then the guilt of not being in the mood forces me to reciprocate for fear of alienating a potential anchor, but then I get home and find my self unmoored without an anchor in sight. I mean ffs, I have as stable a life as I’ve had in well over a decade, why can’t I ACTUALLY be normal? Instead, I get in bed and hope I don’t wake up, having done nothing to further my studies or put a dent in my workload.",8.412670807453416,5.8113426894409965,8.844596273291927,72.61670807453417,63.09937888198758,11.436024844720498,37.285714285714285,9.606745405546679,3.4069354037267083,627,23,123,9,7,211,101,161,0.138,0.777,0.085,-0.8621,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,3,0,7,11,1,3,11,0,16,6,5,0,2,19,23,12,1,4,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,4,0,0,4,0,0,3,7,4,1,0,3,1,17,5,23,16,0,22,1,0,1,0,8,14,1,3,5,85,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.14784876650493442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21187413278861267,0.31047320982103394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572401224206902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26516921611345634,0.15504404252242365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531289549608441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704656046040395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048725389745867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769489124174578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705376583576692,0.0,0.15831208332440946,0.0,0.08610479707706807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197365790956474,0.3009608448020209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701372244361276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503530399979602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968889616458588,0.1453748458385165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15230616482498824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580546185812713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032324016717726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177541436438133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834482439696803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622279445217791,0.0,0.13671130759156094,0.0,0.0,0.14604713367574906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hotkokoxo,2019/10/01,"complex PTSD is a real freaking blast and a half! ☺️ So I was recently told that I have complex-ptsd, which makes senses. And given the things that have happened to me, I know I am not weak, but strong for have developing a survivalist mentality. But I can’t turn it off. And I lose large chunks of time. So for example, most of high school is blank. Almost like a giant blackout. But even though this blackout drips into my elementary school days, I still remember how these things made me FEEL, and most of the time I feel nothing because of it. So sounds very COMPLEX. I’ve been in and out of homes - maybe around six or seven in my short life of 20 years. When I was a four month old baby my mother threw a tantrum and stabbed up the couch I was laying on, almost killing me. Then I never knew stability, and the promise of family and “forever homes” were an automatic shutdown for me. I started to experience trauma, anxiety, and depression symptoms at a young age - like around three - and those would include terrifying nightmares, shutting myself in my bedroom alone, and terrific bursts of rage, during which I would smash my small body against things. I haven’t really known peace inwardly, but outwardly was even worse. To survive most of the things I had gone through from birth, I developed a cold, cruel personality in which I would test to see if people would give up on me. I was obsessed with moving and knew the signs of a parent giving up by the time I was five. I was a smart kid. Still am. But because of my anger and hostility I was quickly nearly expelled in grade one and put in a behavioural class. I also was frequently restrained improperly - being only around 75 - 80 pounds, two large adults would sit atop my body while I thrashed and screamed. I was also isolated - literally, a technique to manage my behaviour in the group home was to keep me hidden and prevent me from socializing. Even on my birthday! Time was lost - all I knew was books and escaping into my writing of novels. But as punishment sometimes my writing bag full of books would be taken away! I had no escape then, and I would often daydream about my novels at school and couldn’t wait till I got home to get started on them. I’ve been writing books since I was six years old, actually. Things are VERY blurry. Tons of screaming, yelling, stuff being packed into boxes, being hit, being bullied, being molested, being shamed for being molested, being belittled and humiliated by adults in my life, being abandoned nonstop, and being powerless and angry and depressed and terrified and ALONE. So, as you can imagine, complex ptsd is not really all that big a surprise to me. I haven’t been able to sleep properly my entire life, was on meds at age five onwards, and only stopped having terrifying nightmares when I was fourteen. But a day in the life of complex ptsd is actually ironically complex. I am usually quite bubbly and I get energetic and loud when I’m excited. I love socializing. I smile and laugh and joke and bring light to others. I even have a soul that is a magnet for babies, kids, and animals, and often find myself flustered when they are drawn to me because I don’t understand why. But deep down I am still that neglected, terrified child who was treated like a monster by actual monsters. And I revert to that after a long day of being the class clown archetype - which is something I invented to protect myself from a young age, so people wouldn’t see how messed up my home life was. When I want to go home and shut myself in my room, I will, and the need becomes fierce. People deeply drain me and I am constantly scanning their expressions and body language and always on high alert and I see and hear everything and oh my God even listening to music at high volume doesn’t help and for longer than I can remember for reasons I can’t remember, I’ve been afraid of people sneaking up behind me. A fear that I’ve had since I was small but I don’t know why and that frustrates me. Losing track of time can be frustrating, and so can these mile-long blackouts where I can’t remember WHY I am like this. You might say it’s better to not remember but it’s frustrating. Also, if I can’t even remember how many days ago I went to the mall, or even feel like anything more than a shallow zombie floating to and from bus stops, it’s getting bad. And I know I have an incredible team of friends who have become family and a PHENOMENAL trauma counsellor who will not give up on me. But I need to learn to deal with myself and be kind to myself. As a survivor of narcissistic abuse on top of all that, I am worried I’m gonna get me in the end. And there’s nothing I fear more than myself. With my ability to influence a crowd of people or turn a room into chaos with my knowledge of basic psychology - not textbook shit lol just experience stuff - I’m most afraid of myself. And I’ve been shutdown for so long that I wonder if I’m alive sometimes!",5.6167996069395505,6.4525629170168095,6.189563567362431,78.03513282732449,67.41386554621849,9.167145567904582,31.006099213879104,9.285337120503966,2.685154662510166,3915,149,728,72,62,1274,404,952,0.20199999999999999,0.698,0.1,-0.9990000000000001,2,2,1,0,2,0,107.0,0,2,3,9,39,51,13,6,40,1,89,13,5,7,4,158,141,94,1,15,23,2,3,5,1,12,7,8,10,6,35,63,0,9,28,8,0,7,18,34,0,10,40,17,104,17,119,73,11,114,1,7,4,1,36,59,1,16,52,521,139,15,0.047873190937480915,0.05672190297880138,0.14015198569249798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04243669526302342,0.0,0.09587617091156732,0.0991643760245157,0.0,0.11485252048978802,0.03983432990135078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03662286003248707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0393955570813224,0.12785186892071482,0.0,0.0,0.04497843877484222,0.0,0.03997211476827522,0.08754915855778482,0.10574435636971362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04233994701060563,0.0,0.15952896867955432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173391214075673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349699081761364,0.04935515775178291,0.08246621841035692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04240143765472287,0.0,0.0,0.22133853777972493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043025337133436405,0.09365833376395374,0.0902611676219448,0.10774129868799608,0.07261837129929716,0.034200617171252216,0.0,0.0,0.04375522922087752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03698670856371307,0.0,0.10004706548697817,0.1377729809989689,0.027207437647888497,0.0,0.03828856409192419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04233410464237337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05395656550407929,0.0,0.032088390761838434,0.1517419639380594,0.2881242831101609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425518917454875,0.0529645927689878,0.04985256143628344,0.07892956124140775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907125268799136,0.11694211461887362,0.0,0.0,0.12709880249462085,0.0,0.1071157103420969,0.05225924309643009,0.0,0.0432074239152412,0.04529877079037592,0.031955726692188456,0.04853590161617004,0.04809505489090589,0.0,0.05317632289318477,0.0,0.048244916570303935,0.05078589024703575,0.0,0.0,0.03821192426941423,0.050881625680100455,0.0,0.07099472896228466,0.03692275613959126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091871235703225,0.0,0.10046972150273573,0.0,0.03244011314715669,0.07281943791311613,0.0,0.0,0.05315751312589077,0.0,0.0,0.1659462139958157,0.041801023771553036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22384479336366198,0.04812577955623,0.0,0.050919031389561734,0.0,0.05449017206216626,0.061337583955327735,0.049221613552421786,0.047269000585974455,0.0,0.32538595806799026,0.0,0.0,0.038070682922671635,0.0,0.14535067516924474,0.11444620504274156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049141142541084766,0.07920239650277823,0.0,0.04790776438344031,0.0976013786953353,0.0,0.03685512125616795,0.09469561990298248,0.0,0.06776978189502099,0.0,0.11469477636898205,0.08004826248664759,0.0,0.0,0.10960670012566608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497585757014685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15902410418219734,0.0,0.047035167030608366,0.0,0.13957621310824253,0.0,0.0,0.04574488550128978,0.0,0.0,0.10414456921427832,0.04676515129920822,0.049837680104675326,0.0,0.0,0.052725556344163794,0.07900079241913617,0.02823684836653375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04437892762002103,0.12959432586768094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191643343809611,0.0,0.0486175492170002,0.04878687148641584,0.23805418905125705,0.0,0.0,0.0616575307590369 ptsd,infinifyonfuckyou,2019/10/01,"i don’t know how to actually talk about my (20M) abuse i have recently started therapy again. some background, have been in therapy since age 13 after experiencing suicidal thoughts and having been self harming for a couple years at that point. i didn’t start talking about any trauma really until I was older (16-18), but I didn’t feel safe enough to disclose/bring up everything. i did not talk about my father physically abusing me at all, nor about the time I was sexually abused at age 4 while he was supposed to be watching me (it boiled down to neglect, he was not involved directly). i also did not really talk in therapy about the abuse I was experiencing even then under my N-Grandma’s care (she had custody of me from ages 15-18, kinda stole us from mom, long story really; she’s also my dad’s mother, hence part of why I wasn’t talking about my Dad’s fuckups in therapy, as she puts him on a pedestal as if he can do no wrong). this is kind of another issue, but I also never talked about the time i was sexually assaulted by an ex while unconscious at 15, because I had kind of a delayed processing/acceptance on that one, and once I did accept it, never felt comfortable enough to discuss it in therapy. now that I am out of their lives, i am starting to process what happened. what really happened. like, the reality is hitting me. i am seeing all the little ways these experiences make me dysfunctional on a day to day basis, and all the big ones tools. and i don’t know how to start talking about this. any of it. the childhood sexual abuse, the physical abuse, the emotional abuse, the sexual assault, the narcissism. i don’t know how to begin to explain how these things effect me or make me feel because I don’t understand it. I just have little moments where I realise “i probably did that or do that because of x” and then get mad because x made me do that. im just extremely overwhelmed. i didn’t even tell him I had a history of sexual trauma in the intake, just physical abuse, so he doesn’t even know that. he’s prodded me some about the abuse but it’s so hard to find words to explain and I also kind of shut down. like my brain just stops moving and I get stupid. it’s extremely frustrating. im just kind of venting right now, but advice is welcome",5.3724476190476205,5.7861493400000015,6.594746031746035,76.40650000000002,67.82222222222222,10.073015873015876,32.07142857142857,10.041961382958581,3.1433428571428585,1793,72,345,41,28,607,206,450,0.201,0.7440000000000001,0.055,-0.9975,0,0,0,0,8,0,56.0,1,0,1,1,31,22,5,1,19,0,39,2,1,8,5,57,65,32,1,1,15,6,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,21,8,1,4,14,0,0,2,16,11,0,2,22,8,49,11,56,41,8,58,0,2,2,0,32,24,0,6,33,241,70,0,0.0,0.6137064719698028,0.05616236681324847,0.0,0.0,0.05623906499360222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18409698166749225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827455111168183,0.06034820063858769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033245216808246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06424697039996016,0.0,0.0,0.058678012701573065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368009899414487,0.0,0.07423244769983793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473815779562035,0.0,0.11893302502585575,0.0,0.11403749068295045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051723949990693865,0.05629681595282296,0.0,0.0,0.058199954658367865,0.0,0.05525886348651377,0.0,0.05260140742263268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060137000157781485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178593625574374,0.0,0.051555211250236405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433188773371452,0.06006924652154692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397258514573661,0.12651610889266146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056233916955430056,0.1153642759804768,0.05081939510679623,0.05093163348316087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054457013264876,0.07683269996081132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740410695736591,0.0,0.06116857734224384,0.0,0.0,0.08877516920599059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06129091089644709,0.0779973337529996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062323115259747715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054405161842917216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205069808645024,0.0,0.0,0.057855570249445314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747692110887886,0.0,0.056825572681427725,0.0,0.0,0.04914902072134189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045861424768516505,0.0,0.06003919866990014,0.0,0.0,0.04760753858996677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16294216585669452,0.0,0.0,0.04811597771866901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06295245366118314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238063432269229,0.05030291017759192,0.0,0.3290781509659085,0.0,0.0382349348548982,0.0,0.0,0.0456897916845864,0.06711796859893243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05991357291150964,0.06922786724017141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045682031091770665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051931651416380495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292398410663164,0.0,0.03706154617265839 ptsd,Effluently,2019/10/01,"anyone else get large lapses of memory when you experience something upsetting? i know that memory loss is common with ptsd but i haven’t seen anyone talk about having this exact problem. i’ve recently been diagnosed with ptsd due to my past relationship with a narcissist. ever since i went no contact, i tend to forget entire days or very important moments in my life if there’s any negative emotions tied to them. it’s like some weird defense mechanism my brain uses to stop myself from feeling any upsetting emotions. it causes a lot of problems in my relationships and life. i’m wondering if this is a result of my abuse and if anyone can relate/has an explanation as to why this happens?",7.15203488372093,7.980420976744188,7.895649224806203,67.17510174418607,64.0387596899225,11.101162790697675,33.954457364341074,10.9516,4.127534108527131,562,23,89,15,8,188,93,129,0.247,0.6890000000000001,0.064,-0.9813,0,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,0,1,1,1,4,8,1,2,4,0,6,4,1,3,2,25,16,9,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,3,2,12,1,16,13,2,12,0,1,1,0,6,2,0,7,10,58,18,0,0.0,0.17268201067958286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198220920578867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057213693670616,0.14933126192894558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16269775343601706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971854394468811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399238903899937,0.0,0.0,0.14792640929743636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217498485516582,0.32788325330715784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183318347093773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256494001359013,0.0,0.0,0.07369220536039764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761448731601087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12888034297257234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009672114560627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20588564437402185,0.07120282792012937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390576500698297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391284970722787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789133622458549,0.3407323006479438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439039530646744,0.3129475811223736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12056038638066087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220033370060606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218479475447725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11714296579363878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12587544050951974,0.0,0.12025350846669584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351055245112802,0.1315106839290386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580524214209396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,itdobelikethat14,2019/10/01,"Has anyone else on here gotten ptsd from a freak accident? I'm 14 years old and this is my first time posting. I wanted to share my story to see if I could connect with someone that's gone through something similar to mine, so please comment if you can relate to my story. Back in December of last year , I was out shopping for a Christmas party , and the mood was very happy and light. I was with my youth leader whom I was very close with. We had just set up for our party and then went to cryeleike to pick her husband up from work. ( it was dark and rainy ) As I was getting out of the car, she pulled the car toward and literally ran my foot over with her Volvo. Now , at the time , I didn't freak out too much , so as to not make her even more upset and guilty feeling for doing it. She offered to take me to the doctors office because I was limping a bit. I refused but the next day I went with my mom. They said it was just a contusion and perhaps a sprain. Well it seemed to heal in two weeks and I freaked out a lot but was okay overall. In January I went ice skating , where I injured it again. I really freaked out and cried. Fast forward a month later, healed again after just keeping it in a wrap. Well July rolls around and I haven't given my foot a second thought since February so I figured all was well. I was so wrong. Long story short , it started hurting again even though I was just walking about my day and I went to about 4 xrays , all saying that nothing was broken. After my last xray , the orthopedic reffered me to a physical therapy office to do therapy for my foot 2 times a week for a month. Now that that is over , I suppose my foot is almost healed completely, but my emotional and mental state are not stable. I feel suicidal and just want the pain to stop. I have such a huge fear of the woman who ran my foot over and that makes everything so complicated as we were so close and she was the only person I had ever truly trusted with anything. Now I don't feel safe telling her anything. Other things that really get me upset are when I'm in public and especially in parking lots and I have this huge fear that she is gonna come out of anywhere and run me over. The flashbacks from that night back in December haunt me every single day , sending me into tears and panic attacks often. Just like tonight. And when I think back to the accident , my mind warps what happened with her having a sinister look on her face while doing it and things like that which really scare me. I have to see her often so this is terrible. I really don't know what to do and sometimes I just think my mind is messed up beyond repair and I should just kill myself. Well , not sometimes, all the time.",3.8475575037707412,4.927323011029415,4.686764705882354,86.30499245852188,71.64705882352942,7.417722473604826,26.264894419306184,7.702957570686157,1.341104317496229,2114,67,433,25,39,684,261,544,0.17,0.736,0.094,-0.9942,0,0,1,0,0,1,50.0,3,1,1,2,44,29,2,6,27,1,41,15,6,3,4,91,76,44,2,6,16,2,4,2,0,2,9,2,0,2,28,44,0,4,9,1,1,15,7,17,4,3,29,10,70,11,71,44,9,93,0,1,3,0,31,34,0,8,45,322,98,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08189835449317742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0571877128719208,0.08380094608048906,0.13460826683528238,0.07280820377597191,0.0,0.09304507418816313,0.0,0.18866858820337626,0.0,0.04985689321947249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929075351105965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045267847058814,0.08575262450887974,0.0,0.0,0.0653006536124973,0.0,0.08983971450840739,0.15823848986653682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371295902752443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832295101503841,0.0919999150752589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803972819604322,0.07398146481159441,0.06890948563369352,0.0,0.0735053200235287,0.0,0.0,0.1840673232902386,0.12406263326624956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06956839503539236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546117306679088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07232440503595586,0.08706430121213647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755519687367773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269647674481321,0.09048573702807328,0.0,0.044948264169499166,0.13333543658843475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991447023533814,0.0,0.0,0.07237935268235281,0.06868089074461327,0.0,0.0,0.13906559414669034,0.0,0.0,0.10918756591303086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824225507172777,0.0,0.16516409464530582,0.09578851680300443,0.13056398435308672,0.0,0.06012321385739116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698192075136225,0.07675201652619043,0.0,0.07847730001951098,0.0,0.08582220993213578,0.0,0.0,0.062203069683530565,0.08702765308288671,0.09595999441235499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141367934224321,0.0,0.08977810088770435,0.0,0.0,0.07832980481792601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956051960776494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958063496974266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779862970170512,0.06504069272174376,0.08188354287008448,0.0,0.1303480768561299,0.07445625684226301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765545477902618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06929827269756887,0.06296400360650029,0.1617798327577967,0.0,0.05788960456799092,0.0,0.0,0.06837800170118633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946223661310045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06149401197655621,0.0,0.07148586895208063,0.0,0.1870622394759276,0.0,0.1086719449343572,0.10481223903523293,0.08035579115214385,0.06493012927644028,0.1907637665754961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989449104224809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496648523337595,0.09648075826580484,0.0,0.13120997815851362,0.0,0.29414709396410205,0.3032712810029872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059542264940667465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942177830087539,0.0,0.10533692080663523 ptsd,Analilie,2019/10/01,"How to get over the feeling of having my head bashed in? Growing up I had an abusive father and he would hit me in the head constantly. I haven't talked to him in years yet I can still feel I like my head is being hit, sometimes like I'm being bashed in the head. Has anyone had an issue like this, if so how do you handle it?",1.2038497652582194,2.5681927887323965,2.985563380281693,94.73402582159626,78.85915492957747,5.2967136150234735,18.875586854460085,5.46131890053228,-0.4278751173708923,252,5,59,1,6,84,49,71,0.057,0.795,0.149,0.594,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,11,4,4,2,0,7,17,5,0,2,1,1,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,9,3,9,10,0,11,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,7,43,11,0,0.0,0.22336480097239805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181722974103388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037226253350896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906422645736368,0.13467838077373614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849366689408798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7739016502207829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19676539707498306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763033408829547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18645062296739706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055192997671382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515248469533038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391885614766566,0.0,0.0,0.1214003882379337 ptsd,heck_abird,2019/10/01,"Today I got a chance to have free therapy!! I've done therapy a fair few times. I would say 6 or so. The last session was in 2017. 6 months after I was raped. It was when I got diagnosed with PTSD. I wanted to go back. I really really did. But it was very expensive. I couldn't go. Last week my family friend (my mom's best friend - she and I are super close) sent me a link to a foundation that offers free therapy to certain people for free in honour of a man who died. It's very new. I applied not thinking much of it. And I forgot about it. Then I got an email while I was at work this afternoon saying they want to help me!!! I'm thrilled. My boss walked in and I had a huge smile on my face and all. He was like ""everything good?"" And I said ""great! Just got some good news is all."" I wanted to jump up and dance but it's a super profesh workspace. So wish me luck!! I hope I hear from them again super soon (to set up our first appt).",-0.6051865671641785,1.4360093830845813,1.7658022388059709,97.31944962686569,89.49751243781094,5.53905472636816,15.83768656716418,6.996647511020387,-0.26231194029850696,710,15,173,11,24,240,125,201,0.025,0.6920000000000001,0.28300000000000003,0.9931,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,1,0,2,7,8,19,1,0,9,0,14,3,1,1,3,30,31,14,1,7,5,1,0,1,2,1,1,4,0,1,9,8,0,1,2,1,4,6,2,1,0,1,16,4,28,21,21,13,6,32,0,0,0,1,18,9,0,4,17,107,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650076495532812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170315831903764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737855359348738,0.13024785206476305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842875726053396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127901524801326,0.0,0.11830901902686435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674914252911673,0.0,0.0,0.19391999117642844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264762325426295,0.21052473512336106,0.401491146370807,0.13836277589770354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144617232481635,0.0,0.08411914299811941,0.0,0.0,0.12464854067647853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20459640498130907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061312332769434964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14698257775897447,0.10017187666746072,0.0,0.09225599529938927,0.0,0.0,0.12120744059426453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700500694295824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467012814860116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16079538030413085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937801650264067,0.1996032300016033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4305561524052545,0.0,0.0,0.08041450890074303,0.0,0.0,0.07317930971815159,0.0,0.11895810726283247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070991656700122,0.22206718029488826,0.0,0.10066749888767552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443173282414736,0.0,0.0,0.09136455891247934,0.0,0.0,0.08915068611898534,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fckincasual,2019/10/01,"How to learn physical affection Thanks to ye good ole CPTSD I've spent a lot of my life cultivating a certain distance between me and everyone around me (aside from hugs hello or goodbye) out of a belief that if I didn't set absolute boundaries, nobody would respect them. I'm known for it, ""\_\_\_\_\_ hates being touched"", ""\_\_\_\_\_\_ isn't super affectionate, but that doesn't mean she doesn't like you"". I've done a lot of work on myself, and am doing somewhat better. But I'm.... lonely. And touch starved. I've effectively built a moat around myself. I want physical affection so badly but I'm scared of it. I don't know how to soften the boundaries I set in the past, and I don't know how to safely explore touch. I wish there was like 'Being Touched School' and I could go once a week to try leaning on someone, or letting them play with my hair. Just, something safe with structure and rules and no expectations of it leading to something more intense. There are people close to me who I trust, but it's so embarrassing and I'm ashamed for wanting this (thanks, trauma). I'm afraid that they'll judge me for changing my mind, or reject me for being needy and disgusting. I want the possibility of intimacy in my life, but with my current abilities I feel like I'll be isolated forever, a broken, cold person incapable of loving or being loved. SO ANYWAYS, do yall have any tips here? Thoughts on how to approach this, or how to structure desensitization to being touched affectionately? Is it possible to build a tolerance for intimacy from the ground up? Commiserization is also appreciated, I feel *v e r y* alone in this struggle.",3.8630218855218845,6.060340711038965,5.103044733044733,78.79414381914386,73.70779220779221,7.80971620971621,29.264550264550266,8.626192665926032,2.4240392977392973,1281,55,235,25,27,424,170,308,0.19,0.616,0.195,-0.2953,1,3,2,0,0,0,59.0,0,3,3,5,16,30,2,5,12,0,25,6,1,9,1,61,47,29,0,8,12,0,8,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,12,16,0,2,11,1,1,4,7,11,0,0,5,9,30,19,39,32,4,21,1,2,0,3,12,12,0,9,6,156,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409127025271523,0.0,0.10880371697372493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252256097042404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422368878155895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136008502958896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120330235459675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392892047050582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10862942829964096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13923224785672114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13000707917908505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13758772875418296,0.0971982396683712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732360594605334,0.11411708999567607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13432686424835838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954534050358947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13912620051007404,0.19220036945546667,0.199409869602103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313394300453641,0.2455912139911106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482045745052451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13737750071703467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14489491053760986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298805879369501,0.09432391116954536,0.1187986142643616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067647824047158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362155194021533,0.13769566097124078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527957729122698,0.2094846938537124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223498835650591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25052367038856194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080130509041584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237290875955337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407475813609109,0.0,0.10913569869567052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564573732888669,0.0,0.0,0.09905019080747147,0.0,0.0,0.09665008593935616,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,icyhot13,2019/08/10,"Self sabatoging Does anyone ever watch themselves just fuck up a relationship or friendship because you feel scared and want to make them leave before they hurt you? I feel like a total asshole because I’m being one. But I’m destroying my friendship with my ex because of what happened last time we were friends and I don’t know how to stop it.",6.7304545454545455,7.261761287878787,5.863181818181817,82.41477272727273,64.9090909090909,7.8121212121212125,34.68181818181819,7.1686216300943375,2.301527272727273,279,12,51,2,4,84,53,66,0.217,0.619,0.16399999999999998,-0.6249,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,2,2,0,3,6,2,1,2,0,3,1,0,2,2,16,12,5,0,1,3,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,3,9,2,5,10,1,5,0,1,1,1,9,1,1,1,5,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077156925039626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4204874032362125,0.0,0.1956524812638918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20121225007675456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20798377126641526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325178286720716,0.16426118697558767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764242734492136,0.21256547874697096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20332528630360908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24614354536147345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636286017935694,0.1874226673920257,0.0,0.24346140945997016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233160184534816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347926532561332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558057114727565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468574922370821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301988490515308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23986589322761864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19223077971883148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13407333747175212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356179687024839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,samexmistake,2019/08/10,"Just a vent on my disassociative behavior Does anybody else constantly feel so far removed from their own experiences that they feel like they're just a casual backseat driver in their own life? I struggle to stay present and be in the moment for happenings or social events to the point where I'm left wondering how other people can socialize and communicate effectively as if it's some entirely foreign phenomenon to me..... and I know it can get better, but it doesn't feel like it oftentimes",14.660333333333336,9.541619477777779,13.547777777777775,51.365000000000016,54.22222222222222,17.777777777777782,50.0,15.021129683784007,7.1320000000000014,403,18,66,13,3,133,69,90,0.019,0.8640000000000001,0.11699999999999999,0.7684,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,3,2,5,5,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,2,0,16,12,9,0,1,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,6,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,3,7,4,9,11,3,13,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,4,6,44,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19012155085382704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23230382422237264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881197713394804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17957801370978654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21027975851183686,0.0,0.0,0.3260825378086351,0.3071460800424602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231180357874644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900953165246084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181406815622584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335631448258596,0.0,0.1518381152332973,0.21004481829792665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903160627623208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321405572409404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4382652032696391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291270735410293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22473102016888533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23312341032401146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,the2ndexodus,2019/08/10,"I am in shambles. I am ruined. Long term sufferer from PTSD here. Every part of my life it feels like I am surviving one fight to the other. From a criminal background, from a an abusive, alcoholic father, to a mentally abusive mother, and much, much more. I have lost everything in my life. Friends. Trust. Love. But there's always been a person who was along side me all the time throughout this. My best friend of many years, and as of today my ex-girlfriend. Losing her, I've lost the only good I've had in life. She has seen me at the most horrible places I have ever been in life. She stuck by my side through scorching hellfire, and we still stood together. Faced with overwhelming defeat yet again, I am not sure I can handle anything of this anymore. I have lost any will to move on because theres nothing in it for me anymore.",2.5326457055214746,4.8503998220858895,3.368401073619633,89.05787768404909,78.38650306748465,6.283588957055216,24.9114263803681,7.413659706084162,1.2385953987730054,653,24,128,9,16,207,109,163,0.218,0.649,0.134,-0.9324,0,0,1,0,1,0,26.0,1,0,0,7,7,17,1,1,9,0,14,7,1,0,3,13,22,5,0,0,2,2,1,1,2,1,5,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,9,0,1,10,2,20,8,23,11,8,20,0,8,1,1,12,10,0,1,10,92,26,0,0.0,0.3142848809759788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417389503278722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035708407458353,0.0,0.0,0.0901915581505966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2630625885014565,0.0,0.0,0.10914150723145774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084877102696347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918485742642964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996957938116863,0.11174477320637316,0.0,0.11919745503766918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706067962552492,0.09474943833415758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493605976132606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112420370812258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747161906564642,0.06479532005089407,0.0,0.0,0.11737156758515913,0.0,0.14837675795232433,0.4343372436550967,0.0,0.11970190851632105,0.0,0.0,0.13446393069887588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365778531496664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096252797363926,0.19499361619519726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12726010086833264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987213548804733,0.10086953705438338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362315195026346,0.0,0.0,0.11580561556288448,0.138567985697145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155034983279923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591685705950243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500027903158342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07733642776441424,0.0,0.12571579459762985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540805534644526 ptsd,nonamesleftthatfitme,2019/08/10,"How do I know I have repressed traumas?/ Do i have them? So... I had a dream where the voice of my mum said I was abused... Everytime when i hear children or even adult crying (like in TV or so) it feels sooo uncomfortable... It hurts my heart so much that I could destroy the TV, or just freak out. I just can't hear that it's to much for me. I have trust problems. And very low self-confidence. And some more symptoms of repressed traumas, but I can't remember anything. Its like my inner child is hurt. Someone in a same situation?",1.0759968847352006,3.411266560747664,2.33422897196262,94.20888239875393,84.32710280373831,5.43582554517134,22.935358255451714,6.816661863887847,0.5878292834890968,410,15,90,5,12,131,73,107,0.209,0.727,0.064,-0.9097,0,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,1,0,10,13,1,2,4,0,11,2,1,1,0,19,16,11,0,2,6,1,1,2,0,0,1,4,0,3,6,3,0,2,3,3,0,0,2,10,0,0,3,5,15,3,7,12,5,7,0,3,0,0,8,6,0,4,3,64,21,0,0.0,0.2278562091314115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15825495658220498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15354409272472214,0.0,0.21124378841135355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12701911180344025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723784481007904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43349527529444654,0.2278885818753352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4117442176637089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568868854531743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18790615635604432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28274033452127106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18401494500593854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21785003386808507,0.0,0.1829310941305615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062154058554296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161647876728189,0.0,0.0,0.162943857681422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19988399252670075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867610335401966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,findingbalance0,2019/08/10,Nightmares Is anyone dealing with nightmares? How do you work on them?,3.942499999999999,7.197274916666673,2.4833333333333343,87.94500000000002,91.5,2.4000000000000004,31.0,3.1291,1.1907,57,3,8,0,2,16,11,12,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4846162007317248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7145329087683093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5045689846546728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HBScott1961,2019/08/10,"Genome-wide association study of post-traumatic stress disorder reexperiencing symptoms in >165,000 US veterans Genome-wide association study of post-traumatic stress disorder reexperiencing symptoms in >165,000 US veterans Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a major problem among military veterans and civilians alike, yet its pathophysiology remains poorly understood. We performed a genome-wide association study and bioinformatic analyses, which included 146,660 European Americans and 19,983 African Americans in the US Million Veteran Program, to identify genetic risk factors relevant to intrusive reexperiencing of trauma, which is the most characteristic symptom cluster of PTSD. In European Americans, eight distinct significant regions were identified. Three regions had values of P < 5 × 10−10: CAMKV; chromosome 17 closest to KANSL1, but within a large high linkage disequilibrium region that also includes CRHR1; and TCF4. Associations were enriched with respect to the transcriptomic profiles of striatal medium spiny neurons. No significant associations were observed in the African American cohort of the sample. Results in European Americans were replicated in the UK Biobank data. These results provide new insights into the biology of PTSD in a well-powered genome-wide association study. [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41593-019-0447-7](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41593-019-0447-7) [https://www.nature.com/articles/s41593-019-0447-7.pdf](https://www.nature.com/articles/s41593-019-0447-7.pdf) [https://www.research.va.gov/currents/0719-MVP-study-identifies-genes-linked-to-re-experiencing.cfm](https://www.research.va.gov/currents/0719-MVP-study-identifies-genes-linked-to-re-experiencing.cfm) [https://www.research.va.gov/MVP/default.cfm](https://www.research.va.gov/MVP/default.cfm)",19.9894011627907,25.31681229767443,13.689694767441866,20.84803052325585,37.65116279069767,15.607558139534886,56.2281976744186,13.720815070044134,10.092215116279073,1584,92,117,55,16,438,130,215,0.099,0.852,0.049,-0.6956,3,0,0,0,0,0,147.0,4,0,0,1,2,7,0,4,11,0,7,4,1,2,1,15,8,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,6,0,3,6,1,4,1,24,2,2,15,0,0,0,0,4,13,0,1,2,63,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467925643207276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4070676985885584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12508925580327404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143452008974228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34016480004073263,0.0,0.0,0.1132866107564568,0.4151870731990641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068581368752857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36916860297007004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42723848714799817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644999438957993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ziyal79,2019/08/10,"How do I make the numbness stop? I have PTSD. I had a medication change recently and it made me become hyperaroused to the point that I was engaging in risky sex and re-triggering myself. I felt so dissociated that I was doing anything I could to just feel something. Now I've had the medication situation rectified, but I'm feeling depressed and highly anxious and numb. The change in medication doesn't always make the numb feeling go away and I get so desperate to feel something - anything that I'm having suicidal thoughts and I've been burning and scalding myself just to feel kind of normal. I don't know how to make it stop, reliably. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts that might help?",5.362213740458016,7.2105190000000015,6.093045801526718,74.71101908396945,68.92366412213741,9.209465648854962,32.94732824427481,9.642632912329526,3.3884497709923664,563,26,97,13,10,184,75,131,0.22899999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.062,-0.9766,0,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,6,0,14,7,0,6,0,31,31,13,1,2,4,0,6,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,6,7,0,2,9,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,9,6,12,2,9,20,0,10,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,2,4,63,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096181924007544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151454703357754,0.0,0.0,0.09113751815532742,0.0,0.0,0.1514033270750497,0.0,0.09370920341403048,0.0,0.22057244160696388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591526551784535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148013460137633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28354867104576825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700326914887373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11543037142054675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728093318832172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388201752028077,0.0,0.1286792604421159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001939795051453,0.0,0.07616608821492203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983011311360116,0.14159843545708667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13956016884928765,0.07365333947872045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12681202165008248,0.2683761767324741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4050301398376059,0.0,0.14217298397187622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13131016859905867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669127717201056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566610433738404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323275978817484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15064297522231912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20634875309448988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240917759663562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14659503777370722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21279223758055746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheNakedSloth,2019/08/10,"Anyone up? I'm mildly panicking. Hi all. I don't know what to do so I thought I'd reach out here. So I'm staying at my family cabin where I have basically spent half of my life. I love this place. This should be a safe place, but... It's in an incredibly isolated area. There are nearby houses, but they are all vacationers and I am probably the only person within a few miles. I'm alone, except for my pets. The house is only one floor, and it's basically surrounded by windows. I feel so exposed and vulnerable and simultaneously so alone. While none of these aspects are related to my trauma, I always get weirdly anxious being out here alone. And randomly have nights like these where I am so flooded by terror I'm frozen. On to tonight. I had a weird nightmare about my cats turning in to squirrels and me still seeing them as cats and them biting my arms and legs to shreds. My ex did make an appearance, and while he was emotionally abusive I would not consider his brief appearance in this dream to be triggering. Anyway, I woke up mildly perturbed, when I thought I heard a mumbled voice outside. I was barely awake, I'm sure I made it up, or it was one of the pets being weirdos. But I was completely and utterly frozen in fear for about 15 minutes. Haven't heard anything since. But I can still feel the adrenaline coursing through my body and yet I'm still to scared to move. I am even scared to turn on my phone outside of my covers in case someone outside sees the glow and knows I'm here. I hate it. I love being out here. I love being out here alone with just my animals and having some solitude, then once in a blue moon this panic creeps in. For context, I am a survivor of CSA,as well as other forms of abuse, none of which involved a break-in type situation or a setting remotely close to this one. I've been in therapy basically my whole life but I know this is something I need to bring up again. Sorry for the ramble. I just feel alone and scared and stupid for being a grown woman wanting to hide under her bed. I have friends and family who would gladly listen, but I also know that it would only scare them to hear how bad my terror becomes sometimes. My new boyfriend is coming out tomorrow, and I want to talk to him about it, but ye old anxiety is also kicking in with that as well. Anyway. Thanks for reading. It's my first time posting here so I hope I followed the rules. And just typing this out made me feel better. If I don't respond, it's probably just me being to scared to open my phone, not trying to be rude.",2.723178345339445,4.675413188605113,4.052374590700719,86.15540100414759,76.24950884086445,6.882008295132067,24.867103252564945,7.793537801064563,1.3323081510587214,1999,69,402,30,45,657,248,509,0.198,0.703,0.098,-0.9956,1,5,1,0,1,0,59.0,0,1,4,2,36,29,3,9,18,0,40,8,3,5,3,77,85,44,0,9,17,1,4,1,1,4,2,5,4,2,24,29,0,1,10,3,1,8,7,16,2,5,15,13,58,13,67,57,8,61,0,0,4,3,27,34,0,8,17,286,82,3,0.0,0.17967827949714069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926544142513932,0.0,0.12127298388435985,0.06309171136475382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800521610991381,0.08565963155108558,0.0,0.05301796197260975,0.0,0.06239675984468342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330994229962725,0.0,0.08374174270097871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706023981343588,0.0,0.08422346312149204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653157337553913,0.07950010862378043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852918879597007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05008109184098344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429603949445701,0.08532317395222799,0.15335573890293785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449592643689933,0.0,0.0,0.05858149859212074,0.0,0.03961495394943878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486058425357699,0.0,0.0,0.08545925249520432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531042329210487,0.0,0.1749816233577291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668373262700706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071135847002803,0.03704381703013282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20530258637908105,0.14349316175079554,0.050613164321013135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805890007219498,0.0,0.056222596930838614,0.0,0.07323137204629324,0.0,0.0711557656208468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795646203368524,0.08075017397979499,0.15414108336118607,0.17300289611758254,0.0,0.08896322442620533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620666478078767,0.158440057225345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261851199504457,0.0,0.16350237230163414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584460227579637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37956567451749584,0.0,0.12084395466975055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272246516917841,0.08522944642363589,0.0,0.0,0.0642454996386332,0.058373083678465575,0.0749919571035989,0.08487885333555271,0.0,0.08081838397807749,0.1816596323733168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146330107675163,0.0,0.0,0.060944525912571074,0.0,0.06980862852557615,0.08671144727590185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039170486026543,0.04421363267623083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051479575270640884,0.1649496581804195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944601761362915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13634991380989134,0.0,0.0,0.0846548810609522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158975962249605,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,name_here_47,2019/08/10,"Do I have PTSD? I'm sorry if I'm ignorant and offend anyone who does have to deal with PTSD everyday, but here's my story: Ever since I joined the military 3+ years ago at the age of 23, my life has improved dramatically, I was truly happy and felt like myself. I was doing ""wild"" things like partying and clubbing on the weekends and even one night stands with strangers from the bar or online dating apps, and other ""wild fun"" things (that I prefer not to mention for the sake of my career) I would NEVER thought I'd do based on who I ""was"" prior military. However, the happier I'm becoming the more angrier I have been getting lately thinking about my past. I'm talking about being cheerful and jolly one minute, singing with the radio driving home from work then suddenly out of no where I'll have flashbacks of shitty times in my childhood and next thing you know I'm punching my steering wheel and clenching my jaw and just really want to fly back across the United States just to give my family whom I RARELY talk to now, a piece of my mind. I grew up in a conservative Chinese family. Being a Chinese male, I had a very ""stereotypical"" boring childhood and even lamer time in highschool and college. However, I was not a good student and was a handful as a child that I will admit but I have never thought that my family was abusive until lately and even talked to my co-workers about it. To keep things from getting too long I'll list out the things I experienced growing up and always thought was normal until my coworkers and friends pointed out it really wasn't: - I was strongly influenced to not have friends and always put my family before anyone. - Even until I was 22 years old I was not to be trusted to have friends over the house without an adult or my brother whom was allowed to have friends over anytime he pleased since he was 18 - My brother (5 years older than me) got to decide whether I can go out or must stay home regardless if there was a reason or not. - My brother can also tell me I can't have any friends over even when I was 21 years old and still lived with me and my parents. - My brother would enforce me as a child to ""pat-down"" all my friends who came over to the apartment we lived in to ensure nobody stole anything. This rule did not apply to my brother's friends. - My mother has threatened to kill herself and me multiple times when I was a child growing up. Sometimes she would take a meat cleaver to her neck and scream at me and my brother that shes going to cut her head off and kill herself because of us. And sometimes - - My mother would swerve into the wrong side of the road towards oncoming traffic when we were bad, threatening to kill us and herself. - When my brother was old enough to drive and he would also swerve into oncoming traffic if I he was mad at me or if we got into a disagreement. - Ironically, when I was old enough to drive, I also did the same thing to a friend who is still considered one of my closest friend to this day. He pissed me off and I thought threatening his life would help me win the argument. - I also remember when I was very young my mom told me not to go outside because I had some kind of allergy or Asthma, I did not listen and helped my grandma with her yard because she was going to pay me 20$. I told her and she put her hands around my neck shook my neck and told me she was going to kill me, very angrily and very convincing at least at the time to me. - More less severe things is that my brother acted like he owned me, like if I wanted to go out and my mother said I could and my brother said I can't he would threaten to take away my games. - whenever he disallowed me to do things he would sometimes include statements like ""not in my house"" this fucking bitch didn't own shit. He's had three cars handed to him and gave me shit and tried to claim he bought one of the my mom bought him brand new, which I confronted my mom about. - I believe my step-dad might have caught on to my brother's bullshit and convinced my mom and him that it was time for him to move out. Anyways , I literally just started having angry flashbacks just now while writing the last three. I think I have more of a grudge towards my brother than my mother. I'll stop here before I go on forever but thank you for those who read this far, I honestly feel that I needed this more to vent than to really seek an answer.",7.135444120100082,5.9964036077981655,7.132668890742284,79.22321517931611,64.52752293577981,9.945621351125938,34.497080900750625,8.841846274778883,2.7425793577981654,3454,128,687,44,44,1108,359,872,0.14,0.718,0.142,-0.1264,5,0,0,0,0,1,83.0,5,2,0,3,36,45,13,1,35,0,72,16,11,3,5,130,119,68,4,21,29,20,5,5,9,11,3,4,3,5,33,55,1,4,16,8,3,21,17,19,0,6,49,10,126,26,109,55,14,122,0,0,0,1,96,44,5,13,59,490,159,7,0.0,0.05772725759772247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043188854928935407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585093089559093,0.08108072905478278,0.0,0.0,0.033132432551837565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813470290709905,0.0,0.040093814777145464,0.04337265021059369,0.0,0.0,0.04577564900227495,0.03746398646252619,0.04068059153121718,0.08910090393860567,0.05380929922204116,0.08291717090345667,0.05489268122280666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05572465496870057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03890031975480058,0.0,0.0,0.031421471367666896,0.0502299421508867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042636695480954265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068509812934796,0.0,0.16090114495590185,0.04407157475294818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837219627955903,0.0,0.02463515976587432,0.0,0.046780480791154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338780440489203,0.04504243446231848,0.05091016360489042,0.04673830241030503,0.193827688323932,0.04086545754502352,0.07793440227869172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05186516472680766,0.0,0.0,0.050002529184442014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531426846159626,0.0,0.09774369239971534,0.0,0.0,0.11243662032727804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04330609318555809,0.21561340715077945,0.050736161955182574,0.026776176835726702,0.039714695267180265,0.10992041882284702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688271672404003,0.11901482884220325,0.0,0.08604432254354102,0.04311717888303279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168603334263956,0.04919503663654702,0.2282491047998843,0.0,0.051783465616867405,0.0,0.03612652953849204,0.07515437046195922,0.04705572972072337,0.051816089777501934,0.04572202297410305,0.04773692977971898,0.0,0.0,0.204500948994163,0.0,0.13206036256188738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540996915180975,0.0,0.046510383786172914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348180513222408,0.0460577628266524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390614004295994,0.09795754823571336,0.0,0.0,0.048734893335188885,0.0,0.09363712226124847,0.050094030977383186,0.0,0.0,0.05519219805646209,0.0,0.09269100397802026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055041662577297805,0.10002426735138936,0.08060620157581054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456104669721187,0.054539963815478654,0.03448547608017871,0.05193085868354353,0.07781843876711805,0.04073352996058506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326532267468035,0.11748199135829485,0.04258492076798311,0.0448564032638545,0.0,0.0,0.2589483058719974,0.06243780708355495,0.0,0.15471837728072446,0.14205010032236384,0.0,0.0,0.13966704132431124,0.0,0.033078841927768145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172124328771899,0.0,0.0,0.1608020484118125,0.05747465207617996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04696598840292863,0.0,0.0709399681927146,0.0,0.0,0.27688403087231106,0.053269539836293685,0.0,0.12550073160615366 ptsd,BuryStHatchet,2019/08/10,Talk I just need someone to talk to. To keep me level and from making a mistake I would regret . please.,-0.8621428571428567,0.962956000000002,1.0670238095238105,96.76339285714286,108.04761904761904,2.1,14.773809523809526,3.1291,-1.2533904761904764,80,2,16,0,4,26,17,21,0.231,0.667,0.102,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,4,1,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3409311918342147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25603336397497745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844094183148221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42104041773167866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249943293093672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6165918371073863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724743670615817,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,unhappy-throwaway123,2019/08/10,"I feel I've been failed. Everyone else got to go to the mandatory counseling and send off and what not. Why did myself an my partner, one of the first on scene, end up going back in service and then working the night tour as well? My partner had no check in.",3.05745283018868,4.265251301886797,4.049198113207549,89.63153301886793,73.71698113207545,7.564150943396226,26.45754716981132,8.07648339933343,1.4339849056603768,201,7,44,3,4,65,44,53,0.098,0.841,0.061,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,7,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,2,1,1,2,4,1,4,1,9,3,0,13,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,5,31,5,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509344343697705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27261423691183473,0.0,0.28903936137909353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31183075912002284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650067295332287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27758366177099325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37093178144308825,0.0,0.2610029924780057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30624690687213546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22113565260387605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29341782069398353,0.0,0.2944700561977007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23757857176323585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,No1954083,2019/08/10,"Realizing my low libido may be trauma based Does anyone have any good resources for this? I just started my deep dive on google and so far I'm not finding much. My last relationship was abusive and I'd often have sex when I didn't want to so I could appease my then husband. I remember a time as a preteen where I didn't really know what was going on and a guy pulled his parts out to show me and a time that later in my teenage years I had sex with someone after I said I didn't want to. Even in my current relationship, the repeated conversations that are sometimes arguments feel traumatic. I've never considered any of this trauma, but I'm coming to terms with the fact that I carry the scars with me. Besides just talking about it, what am I supposed to do? Where do I go from here now that I realize that I do indeed carry trauma with me around sex? I do have another appointment with a different counselor scheduled (albeit weeks away). It is a male counselor but his psychology today profile says he deals with sexual abuse and trauma, among other reasons I'm going.",6.469533965244862,6.370310199052137,7.205888625592419,74.7177744865719,65.49289099526067,10.066508688783571,33.22314375987361,9.725611199111238,3.1120897314375986,856,33,158,16,12,285,128,211,0.139,0.843,0.018000000000000002,-0.9701,2,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,13,6,0,0,9,0,19,3,0,1,2,33,32,12,0,3,5,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,12,14,0,0,7,1,0,5,5,5,0,0,7,3,25,1,25,22,3,35,0,1,0,3,13,13,0,2,17,113,37,0,0.0,0.3706638474167815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21274170010850554,0.1640198330109145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937238391842946,0.0,0.0,0.13924681397263544,0.0,0.0,0.14696158178361832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474183545378815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488850835888565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161261979071604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634254328359594,0.0,0.0,0.13688404963075645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10331382422274092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909056726874841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296489324128425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26669098674336245,0.13119753432287742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548802265965557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596424928242334,0.12750304067188933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498657488100306,0.0,0.12064061790246458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16938743573884665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002065501426697,0.1608256396318475,0.0,0.3358727235167336,0.17719317814782504,0.0,0.14879108061411134,0.12439132914119333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253401658739827,0.0,0.1547032141176338,0.0,0.11071476262526236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572433639150474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241932460517404,0.0,0.1482677116440001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845209399687322,0.0,0.12547055463838913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100729243789231 ptsd,morepastaplz,2019/08/10,"Everythings triggering me and its ruining my relationship. I dont feel comfortable going into details, but ive had ptsd for years now from past male abuse. This past year it has gotten extremely bad. Im not exactly sure why. But now there is so much that my husband does that triggers me and it causes arguements. Like he will be playfully bullying me and my brain instantly goes into fight or flight. Or he will try to touch me at all and it will startle/scare me and i tell him ""no dont touch me"". And then we end up arguing. He is supportive and tries to understand me but i know its so frustrating for him and i feel bad that i am this way at all. Ive been trying to find ways to relax. Cbd oil helps a little bit. I'm also on medication. But I cant help but feel like im constantly ready to fight and defend myself. Its really ruining my life and i just want to be normal. Im not sure how to communicate better with him when I'm uncomfortable. All we end up doing is bickering. Ive tried to tell myself hes just joking but I still cant seem to calm myself down because i just get so triggered so fast. Anybody else struggle with this in their relationships? What do you do about it?",1.1370840922890115,3.456589954918037,3.409854280510018,86.71158773527624,83.87704918032787,7.3853066180935025,21.33211900425016,8.401726058763845,1.4279188221007892,935,30,196,23,27,320,137,244,0.22,0.672,0.10800000000000001,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,3,0,23.0,2,1,1,1,15,20,4,1,1,0,23,3,1,5,6,49,36,26,0,2,13,1,5,2,0,3,2,0,0,1,14,16,0,0,7,3,0,1,7,9,0,0,3,6,34,11,24,28,5,26,0,2,0,0,22,10,0,3,15,132,48,0,0.0,0.1344536402088818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907488327909146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18949986002586602,0.06917552977561432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036264128787498,0.12388929151684312,0.0,0.0,0.1266796993919068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657382932313085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226301030868234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930592847213396,0.0,0.2659922576443417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479684808063203,0.0,0.20101679751111592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198729053513754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213464031486572,0.08106916789769562,0.0,0.0,0.10371742727178393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05928790925776894,0.0,0.06449253005284286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15212468975121116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677292345043797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236489651956428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015332414736448,0.110879869528412,0.11373541593317554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431779802088872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834198623666586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111849799969056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21665641735975427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326504653801783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07269732688176808,0.0,0.0,0.2436671967790705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033066980226741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906241938645617,0.0,0.0,0.11863252041747176,0.0,0.0,0.1287742235258879,0.21390456315595924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19837067803089387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30817820878143243,0.0,0.0,0.11813527328488375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693264597144351,0.18014813555537976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102396828199022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615305590050198 ptsd,succubusy,2019/05/22,"Anyone else with Swiss cheese memory forgetting positive memories? I sometimes get really strong flashbacks of things that happened in my past or memories that weren't very positive, that I can understand why my brain blocked that out. But sometimes I remember a memory and it comes in just as powerfully as a flashback yet it's not a negative memory in any way, so why did my brain block it out? Is this common for others, or maybe am I only remembering the positives of this certain memory? I'm on mobile so sorry for the formatting.",7.372727272727275,8.06355915151515,8.366212121212122,64.4693181818182,63.54545454545455,13.468686868686873,35.69191919191919,12.745084868956482,5.3835979797979805,432,19,70,17,6,147,68,99,0.063,0.7509999999999999,0.18600000000000005,0.9336,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,5,0,5,2,2,0,1,17,10,8,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,0,7,2,13,8,0,11,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,3,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675686786037968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303336469422978,0.19098653139611296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161630886032428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056516445219474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557114094699558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09738513570832734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648309225511331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872616023129612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14176389499991765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17793775215555355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941117729810853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223046493807087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3687042993354536,0.20865703040826372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12383438847544538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940466406189084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379767219268092,0.0,0.1479538648629604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363899700665305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Purpletyger33,2019/05/22,"Anxiety while waiting for text messages! Advice needed! So last night my bf who lives an hour and a half away told me he wasn't feeling well and then the last text I received was around 7:30pm. We see each other on the weekends and once or twice during the week. When we're apart it is extremely rare for me to go more than an hour or two without hearing from him. After 2 to 3 hrs I start panicking. My brain goes to all the what ifs in the book! In this scenario I knew he was sick and probably just went to sleep, I kept telling myself this but when 10pm came around and I still hadn't heard from him I laid awake worrying. Finally fell asleep around 1:30am with the help of my dogs reassuring snuggles. At 5:30 I woke to no messages sigh. 7am I go to work...Still no messages. After my 8am meeting I anxiously checked my phone still no messages. So I called him...nothing. Called on fb messenger...nothing! Finally, around 8:30 he texted me that he was still sick and had been sleeping with his phones ringer off. I about cried with relief. My body was a wreck by this time. Heart beating fast, stomach flip flopping! Mind racing! Can anyone relate?! I always think, back in the days before texting this scenario wouldn't even have been a thing but now with instant expectations it's hard not to fret when a loved one ""disappears"" on us. Any suggestions on how you handle these situations?",2.6370794041273733,5.03115222140222,3.041787617876178,91.13154024873585,78.44649446494466,6.081235479021458,24.05917725843925,7.242747475848597,0.9548162088287544,1096,38,221,14,27,338,177,271,0.145,0.792,0.063,-0.9582,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,2,1,0,1,19,5,0,0,13,0,13,10,7,1,1,36,30,19,0,4,8,0,2,0,1,1,2,2,0,0,12,17,0,2,3,2,1,7,8,0,2,4,16,5,28,4,36,13,3,47,0,0,1,1,30,15,0,3,25,140,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003547911626063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369567926342298,0.0,0.0,0.07657468820973427,0.0,0.08614187199360375,0.12721064605829013,0.0,0.07873544484261877,0.0,0.0,0.4009662932547797,0.0,0.0,0.10579531232617063,0.08658564619344686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581784402988704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250778337817377,0.0,0.1257034797881518,0.22996286865925675,0.1287891576674049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369037912384245,0.0726203658395961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437398378951267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693604522147268,0.0,0.0,0.24670470017721305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799107492202078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087120707830306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691306890679374,0.13343646836737014,0.07547619293072748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178482478654926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835748342758053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943153374991237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162964816997992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369809886479693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08349455571007741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567137345205496,0.0,0.21609345143500985,0.0,0.0,0.11991975234171864,0.07630349109003275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140632662043227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973093432353713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657179054377735,0.22537095701194404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797018019872941,0.0,0.2697774760231063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842099656107774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07480919848536513,0.07215219713255842,0.0,0.0,0.06566038956136477,0.0,0.0,0.10759809768321256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999789949240438,0.0,0.1354489364436574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032426267193253,0.0,0.10124466047582853,0.1043851817926314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854638918496178,0.0,0.08197716749995031,0.11435498750175445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Early2000sTV-,2019/05/22,"Escaped a toxic person & I may have PTSD now Was dating this girl, everything was fine for a month, we had sex without a condom (she was on BC and always saw her take it) she took me to Disney world, had me in her instagram bio,snapchat everything the works ! She was on Bi polar and mood stabilizer medication (sometimes she would skip it) This girl used to live a poly lifestyle and changed to become monogamous for me. Skip to month 2, she tells me via text she has HERPES 1 (she failed to disclose this to me in month 1 of dating ) and said it is not a big deal as long as I don't kiss the sore ( I never kissed her mouth again) Everything is good for a few more weeks after in month 2, she takes me to Six Flags she tells me she quits her job and works from home now because everyone at the office hates her, she also tells me everyone from the City she is in atm hates her and wants to fight her, I asked her ""why would anyone wanna fight u?"" "" Why do u have so many enemies?"" I eventually meet her mom and whole family, so I am like oh pretty good right ? She then sends me a text in the second month that she is not moving away to another state and is staying just for me. A few weeks after she would always say how she wish she could move back witch is kind of F'Kd up but anyways....... Month 3, She tells me shes taking this medication called Trioptol for mood disorder, I actually googled what it was and.............Get this...... SHE FAILS to disclouse to me that Triptol makes BC less effective by 40%, this ENTIRE time I was raw dogging her I was at 40% birth control........ she then said it was not a big deal...... Flash Forward this week and we come back from vacation, everything is good until we good home and she SCREAMs at me for texting her during game of thrones (like manic like) then she takes me off her instagram bio and said she wants to talk, I ended up telling her today I am done with everything and she is a piece of shit human being. &#x200B; My whole entire body right now feels relieved but like fucked up, like I just came back from WAR or something.",2.36749314531923,4.278984019323674,3.338518083300695,91.05623384253822,77.16425120772945,6.601279540409975,21.817208512860688,7.534196372845213,0.6854459590024806,1600,44,344,22,37,511,202,414,0.10099999999999999,0.8190000000000001,0.08,-0.9052,1,0,1,0,2,0,85.0,3,0,0,7,14,27,7,0,15,0,33,12,3,5,1,43,54,25,1,8,9,1,1,5,0,4,3,5,2,4,15,18,0,1,2,1,1,7,6,11,0,2,17,7,68,14,50,31,7,59,0,2,1,6,65,21,2,2,36,225,83,5,0.0,0.0,0.06849973074908224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613453630735859,0.11681493598525745,0.1521114770900162,0.08529403108729035,0.0,0.07360507986924253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908164400624501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656224053403907,0.0,0.06595006692985497,0.16192577070005007,0.0,0.04278993093736795,0.07752433799389374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797029308742201,0.0,0.0,0.07167645827587292,0.08028383660155723,0.0,0.0,0.07425650002179275,0.060466367866893585,0.0,0.0,0.07872912858479326,0.05604461645741734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447349461530994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044900705490989,0.0,0.0,0.07183337012609314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062171514339335925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341477535763666,0.31543156464746136,0.0,0.06617315104724864,0.0,0.03549246096557448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489370729240519,0.036673742156943835,0.0,0.0,0.23550334896001224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386051221030258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082166383729527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965723490117942,0.0,0.0,0.07309679599609742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17146749634065175,0.0,0.06198305162640669,0.06211994576027141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04685539052815589,0.07116623091590397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142719826195552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822109793434264,0.3361716011133726,0.1492113426124237,0.0,0.0,0.05413834505973912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061291151728732986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141306734462861,0.0,0.0,0.08205364340308212,0.0,0.0,0.07466051778620815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11989148168160155,0.20031320306923733,0.05582150370723465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205367122272803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05403917476370262,0.06942418012582195,0.0,0.0,0.07481802400517204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211110188029992,0.05641970029922193,0.3067655441336814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04093099203546816,0.0,0.06653620209978046,0.0,0.07798870010187545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062553206216755,0.0,0.0,0.08280509908239247,0.0,0.16891744173612666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266792815625465,0.1567393608140288,0.08072023958114212,0.0676650172332019,0.0,0.1022049004718382,0.0,0.0,0.14959252980986767,0.0,0.08529403108729035,0.0 ptsd,CatelynNavaar,2019/05/22,"Haven’t gotten triggered in a while, very triggered right now and alone so trying to stay in the moment. Any suggestions are helpful when I get bad it feels like I’m being ripped from my body back into those moments. Don’t know if I can do this by myself haven’t been alone for one of these in a few years.",4.45328125,4.675050265625,4.662500000000001,90.1325,69.78125,7.025,23.8125,5.985473137389443,0.40785625,243,5,53,1,4,76,53,64,0.11800000000000001,0.799,0.083,-0.29600000000000004,0,2,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,8,1,1,2,0,7,13,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,1,4,1,9,10,1,13,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,8,37,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5704498455463667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18727722791691787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117608334504772,0.229942320113899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30590042913839954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392473801319926,0.1967413860206007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388189424069106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18459065934521504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15134923052095592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345435001894427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18661396638776026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351848008017607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935331488982342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18697431313689514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22722872688875426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773445783068685 ptsd,mermedic,2019/05/22,"Constant fear Left an abusive relationship four years ago and didn’t deal with the psychological trauma then. Spent the next four years drowning myself in work, school, anything as a distraction. Ran myself into the ground. I quit my job and slowed down my life and now I have constant anxiety. I’m in therapy and that isn’t helping much. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I’m scared constantly. The power went out in my house today and I panicked. I handled several years of physical and sexual abuse, why can’t I handle the memories now? I’m unable to function as a partner, as a parent, as a friend. I honestly just want to disappear. I’m not used to being helpless and it’s killing me.",1.8083955223880608,4.449067358208961,3.7031156716417897,83.42989738805973,84.3731343283582,6.932089552238806,25.53917910447761,8.07648339933343,2.0196283582089563,542,23,101,12,16,182,86,134,0.24100000000000002,0.69,0.069,-0.9756,4,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,3,3,8,1,3,10,0,7,3,1,1,0,14,16,12,2,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,10,1,0,0,0,1,3,6,6,0,2,4,0,14,2,15,11,1,24,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,0,13,63,16,3,0.0,0.3473407695460405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993212159294207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213139650317312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062080426352652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4751946579078986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511149800543307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998538926096086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649404534795157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324542320359487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824781746899827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913077051824796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545556470649426,0.0,0.1621663012429985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592568971216106,0.0,0.10353203248259736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077513377281768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588684832045716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16275698228249766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590322801757225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573693942218344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14674966150515364,0.1483442688978841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559086844137902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668336986501948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676241608588085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893834378552294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12659590944493468,0.0,0.0,0.08645521505909412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13587882336147136,0.13226340711366075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671017543972704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831733385711211 ptsd,beyondbroken1,2019/05/22,"I realized that I'm addicted to danger and chaos as a way to justify my PTSD. After getting myself elbow deep in yet another f\*\*\*ed up situation, I sat down and cried. Actually I punch the wall and screamed, and then I cried. I asked myself why these things keep happening to me, and why I have such profoundly bad luck. Then it kind of dawned on me that its not luck. Its because I keep choosing dangerous, unstable, risky, and chaotic situations, jobs, and people in my life as a way to have something to overcome. Its like I want something so overwhelming and undefinable bad that I can say to myself, ""okay, these situations are the problem, not my past abuse, or the way it affected me."" I keep re-traumatizing myself as a way make create something emotionally significant enough to eclipse my past trauma as a way to minimize it. This practice is literally going to get me killed on day. I'm not saying that I'm ever going to be able to live a healthy life, but it sure would be a lot better if I stopped doing this to myself. I guess I wanted to share this because maybe someone else out there will read it, and find that it resonates with them. Maybe people like us can find less personally destructive ways to be broken, since therapy is basically like putting a band-aid on hemorrhage.",7.0827755102040815,7.179869093877549,7.562346938775513,72.01372448979595,64.18367346938776,11.081632653061225,35.45918367346938,10.7630783206399,3.8589183673469374,1028,44,187,25,14,339,139,245,0.155,0.73,0.11599999999999999,-0.7963,1,0,3,0,1,0,37.0,1,0,1,1,5,20,4,1,10,1,13,4,1,2,2,37,30,19,1,5,6,0,0,3,0,2,3,3,0,1,20,11,0,4,4,1,0,3,3,10,0,0,1,3,28,10,29,24,3,28,0,1,0,0,7,10,0,6,12,125,48,2,0.09415616014688784,0.11155965324481636,0.09188283011397383,0.10264411253133156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987309435408503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802329959000943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572329216344292,0.11479344259932082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327347213072782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685224137737301,0.06072293394996029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865538994814249,0.10591300709256132,0.0,0.097288482959855,0.0,0.0,0.08516963739475956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721140491831821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983854150491036,0.0,0.10702223128207686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10372362566115358,0.0,0.0832619814623988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343546041193727,0.25107096405836393,0.1041698408068122,0.09804915165269036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13301056088042848,0.13799983150924386,0.0,0.08314161443052237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004820030073392,0.0,0.0,0.06284996803261343,0.0,0.1891850366312675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17976541770359414,0.13055205215933674,0.08221352726786328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900947291933878,0.11006351258014246,0.09465294705355712,0.0,0.0,0.09418164014102214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975351540070453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778869486564175,0.31750640698069843,0.0,0.0,0.07977820894416958,0.2174580364045805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787187659165623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874106664605715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767577491868988,0.0,0.06255316901749118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11325826751448274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11107148551325034,0.4484206638965529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992257895740215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06688583469613997,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tx-college-guy,2019/05/22,"Is it possible to had PTSD years after a traumatic event? About 7 years ago I was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor and had surgery and radiation to take care of it. While I had family and friends around me during that time, I never seeked emotional therapy and honestly to this day don't know how I feel about what I went through. I guess I'm just looking for some guidance...",5.3191891891891885,6.35511902702703,5.968486486486487,78.63191891891893,68.18918918918922,10.784864864864865,32.36756756756757,10.793553405168565,3.62428972972973,304,13,59,9,5,99,57,74,0.105,0.77,0.126,0.3728,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,0,6,3,1,1,1,13,14,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,2,7,3,11,9,1,11,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,9,40,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20608823713062485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20696527000524512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595355776543801,0.0,0.0,0.23703891136512276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993672911375094,0.0,0.0,0.23597231846502803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615198051389698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21917075306246586,0.0,0.1175538609656184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17962109249825553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561137967455319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777034932398038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523293200443853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931051594968586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620973898361251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27176821009070384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480344428760547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26587242160270125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556670954964808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21552043348971475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.299431700352717 ptsd,rock4556,2019/05/22,"I Just realized i may have PTSD I'll make it simple;Grandma and grandpa murdered by my aunt who they molested. Grandmas funeral at age 11, 13 was grandpa. 15 was my mother, a stroke took her suddenly and unexpectiedly. 17 was my uncle, unbeatable cancer. 19 i left the cult of scientology, destroying what was left of my relationship with my alcoholic father. All my life i have been fucked up from this. homelessness, suicide, drug abuse, using women as objects of distraction not people, 3 hours ago i had another nightmare, a horrific beauty where everyone was alive and well. I woke up and began researching PTSD for the first time in my life, and i seriously believe i have it. I ask this subreddit, from a broke man in his 20's who cant afford therapy, to the women and men who have PTSD does this sound like it.",4.402850678733032,6.588142457516343,5.890196078431373,73.79511312217197,72.13725490196079,9.936450477626947,30.069884364002014,10.214889679676881,3.5593513323278034,648,28,114,20,13,219,105,153,0.243,0.6940000000000001,0.063,-0.9866,1,0,2,0,1,1,22.0,0,0,1,2,3,9,4,1,6,0,13,7,0,2,1,14,20,7,3,0,2,5,1,1,0,1,6,1,0,4,10,7,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,7,1,1,10,2,19,2,15,9,1,16,0,1,0,1,17,8,1,1,8,75,29,1,0.0,0.1894528086905906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417397986829031,0.17088217643230438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16766684024589634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948290759693145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18015012434313635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13992768837975922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18543074485645725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278925047151093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600903177355658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14782298820799625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574671758828836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34745896950099625,0.0,0.2258811641248881,0.0781180140484446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673305826580913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108530380048312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5607360991047817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167045363680775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490229831886175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18285712973233464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932377237401063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765239769042634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381004058028002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14376737248541466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PinkCreativeFox,2019/08/22,"Can I just rant for a little bit about why I'm just exhausted with life? (Trigger warning) First, I'm not suicidal. So when I say I'm tired of life...I don't mean I'm ending it. I just want to acknowkedge that life just really fucking sucks sometimes. And it's tough. And exhausting. And frustrating. And full of chaos and unfairness. I've had a difficult life. Not as difficult as some but just a lot of bad unfair things happening to me and me not deserving any of it. I've been burned (when I was 3), emotionally abused by my mom, hit by three cars (all from distracted drivers...i was actually stopped in the 2 recent ones and people just hit me...causing concussions and disc bulge and severe whiplash), abused in a toxic relationship, dealt with depression, self harm, anxiety, and had a pulmonary embolism because of birth control. I'm 34. What else is life going to throw at me?? I mean wtf?? I'm so tired of getting knocked back. I've had psychological issues and possible PTSD from the trauma of getting burned as a kid...and my mom never addressed it. She kept saying that something was wrong with me and I needed to get fixed (that I was broken). Well...duh! I suffered trauma at a young age. Then because of her emotional neglect and abuse I've spent the majority of my adult life working on my self worth and going through therapy. When I think life is good...I get hit by a car head on in 2016. I now have chronic pain. It was so hard dealing with all that pain and the hopelessness and depression and PTSD. But I got through it. I started to heal. Then I got a pulmonary embolism in 2017. If the outside world wasn't safe...surely my own body is safe? Wrong. Now I had PTSD related to body sensations. Being on blood thinners for 8 months was horrible. I felt sick and weak and scared all the time. But I got through it. I went to therapy. I processed. Then again life was seeming okay. I was healing and getting more safe. Then I get hit by another car. Rear ended while stopped behind a bus and pushed into a pole on the side walk. This was June 2019. I've had vertigo and neck pain. My poor brain and body can't take any more of this trauma. My emotions can't. It's hard to drive. I get scared at any fast car around me thinking how easy it is for one of them to not pay attention and then kill me. Maybe the next one will kill me because life seems to want to do that. I'm just really tired. What'll I do? Just keep existing until something else traumatic comes along. My relationship with my bf may also be ending. Not in anger or drama...in sadness that sometimes it just doesn't work out. That love isn't enough when two people have opposing needs or values. We love each other but that doesn't mean it'll work. I wish I just had an okay life. That I grew up in a supportive household and that I don't know what it's like for an 800 pound object to be speeding towards me, completely helpless in every way. There's no control in life. Only trying and hoping something bad doesn't happen. But it does. It always does.",1.7282127822426323,4.129467179104477,2.9785804311774484,90.23086337543054,82.01824212271974,6.231498915678022,23.37310881489985,7.497074112349321,1.0828345401199129,2371,85,487,38,65,764,277,603,0.273,0.644,0.084,-0.9993,0,0,3,0,4,3,101.0,1,0,1,6,27,42,6,3,22,2,40,34,7,4,4,96,92,53,3,7,23,2,3,1,1,3,24,2,1,3,30,38,0,10,10,0,4,13,16,33,0,6,24,5,47,9,68,58,13,71,0,7,0,3,17,24,2,9,34,294,77,4,0.0,0.20145789371391834,0.05530829137846646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04532434297961223,0.04715956140394089,0.0,0.0,0.11562631507676195,0.059430470161343014,0.04335752655478812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050454286356407335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043580890073698614,0.09464536772819797,0.10364878558504896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061876286091172,0.18886513750280734,0.0,0.06326995033668127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058222591522051365,0.0,0.0488219655173535,0.05942445010863389,0.0,0.12713549487342587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584311973707249,0.0976311312504883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919633836724036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469223401896848,0.19126100436105584,0.15059622247784826,0.058562190091860186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04775257100879768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05441852785723488,0.0,0.0,0.04820917894460853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05239670334916387,0.2072786851103824,0.0,0.06442135864100385,0.04753773373430208,0.13598862291648053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023805156542456,0.0,0.10154239601005656,0.0,0.058166653726874476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056292759457225686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591557581706996,0.0,0.050376862284235775,0.12540876028840162,0.0,0.03114803654007712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4403567855555255,0.02768937671969451,0.05680495100759246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04818451043642285,0.1023058837080036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05693937113968301,0.1852126513558002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132758151026637,0.045238807666878114,0.0,0.0,0.08405012179555886,0.04371257128411602,0.0,0.06027632203265376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11521681261134373,0.04310519044965296,0.18092404022549696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858498624747103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638944725350473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875611633976764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261710097984023,0.0,0.05596141170587607,0.12169914763687124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09014318621289602,0.11348654425142765,0.0,0.0,0.10319269282634087,0.11825233452879134,0.06402854775356648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308974965740043,0.11210942703337694,0.0,0.04011606569665866,0.0,0.0,0.09476853154971296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619951196440814,0.06431605668657077,0.0,0.0,0.04261383097729212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296295102407683,0.0,0.0376534864498008,0.07263229207262868,0.0,0.0,0.03304864426693668,0.19542461539272304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038479764433539385,0.0,0.05536490835220026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06685878174394297,0.044987332795023934,0.0,0.0,0.05095916716828711,0.05253987621532604,0.05114191354956521,0.0,0.06517541721801944,0.0,0.0,0.12378395550874473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393416606661264,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Willthezombieslayer,2019/08/22,I was diagnosed last night and I don’t even know what caused it I feel like my life has taken a complete 180 and I don’t even know how my PTSD came about. Has anybody ever had this experience?,0.13146341463414754,2.3894631219512235,1.9982439024390253,95.34126829268291,88.51219512195122,5.231219512195122,17.956097560975607,6.742157984588678,-0.08615512195121955,152,4,35,2,5,50,31,41,0.0,0.93,0.07,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,0,2,1,9,11,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,1,6,1,1,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,23,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30972568705899456,0.0,0.27818855660294434,0.0,0.0,0.28393105786751993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27485863274968225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3577247284745829,0.2449561828206151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648966109316286,0.0,0.0,0.1369257788779351,0.19346121623875293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976517224527188,0.22074001687179656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127567208653826,0.13230032435037836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541296125985044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31655339548409683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Louve-Ynia,2019/08/22,"[MEDITATION] do some of you practice meditation to heal ? I do have experienced very positive effects of meditation on my emotional life. I managed to practice hundred days for years ago it was a challenge and it was amazing. But the practice is on the regular basis not only hundred days. My very question is to know if some of you found ways to be self disciplined enough to practice every day for a long time. I know breathing is the only solution for me. But I know that if a big emotional wave shows up my discipline he’s forgotten for days. How to be disciplined by oneself ?",4.589041794087663,6.678146844036704,6.021406727828747,73.46332313965344,71.38532110091744,9.615086646279307,35.96432212028542,9.994966539143718,4.1815374108053005,462,26,79,13,9,156,65,109,0.017,0.8490000000000001,0.134,0.8991,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,6,0,10,3,1,2,0,18,14,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,3,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,11,2,17,9,3,13,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,5,8,57,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678818268931558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.485378009253621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4232984244389073,0.0,0.19441456098478807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852882404172094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20630240391725324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102154396878813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289954274741558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16651138170771687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28620093149828324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21077682281622304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962868504984135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10971477767857568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31049539830884626,0.0,0.14934879555395605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116574394720755 ptsd,goldentraitor,2019/08/22,"Trigger warning for Midsommar Hey all, I thought I'd make a short and sweet post letting you all know that Midsommar can be very triggering. I ended up having a meltdown in the cinema. It has extreme detailed gore (especially head trauma) and s*icide plays a massive part in the story and there's some really graphic imagery. There are also graphic sex scenes so be aware of that as well. Stay safe out there!",3.119590643274851,6.0716382105263165,4.005964912280703,81.38230994152045,81.3684210526316,6.5356725146198835,29.49707602339181,7.793537801064563,2.4716479532163738,328,16,54,6,9,105,61,76,0.031,0.835,0.134,0.784,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,0,7,2,1,3,2,13,10,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,3,4,7,6,4,8,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,1,38,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25255458426600896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797155190021742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241140209521326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356190739753632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229389648408464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108068304094758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419934063452926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024604082375502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231712742991034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3366133612428808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507192945714406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605778114535269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839527378150405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,oldselfmiss,2019/08/22,"I will never be my past self I will never be past self. How he was alive and truly himself, I just look at my old posts and wonder if it was truly me. I was full of life and happiness and I was myself. Now I feel dead all the time and my thoughts are against me.",0.6113793103448302,1.9239166896551725,2.56503448275862,97.33341379310345,80.3793103448276,5.329655172413793,18.49655172413793,5.6839178017228535,-0.5263420689655174,200,4,50,1,5,67,37,58,0.068,0.742,0.19,0.7717,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,3,14,13,7,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,13,1,3,4,2,10,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,2,7,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214807029211368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571621149190999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063225369728194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286297452015092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3726365655100571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25349334579053057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4612232014745374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23136300398366055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5040328503664029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19178433794599115,0.14086489232526472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619788373430698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,coonj74,2019/08/22,"Does an acquaintance of mine have ptsd? So there’s a sort of friend of mine that claims he has PTSD and I’m wondering if he actually does or not because this guy is always over exaggerating the truth or lying all together. I don’t know a whole lot about PTSD, so I don’t want to call him out on it if he may actually have it, but if he’s pretending to have PTSD that seems wrong to me to be faking. I was wondering if it was normal for a person with PTSD to go around telling everyone about it. It seems like he brings it up as much as possible to every new person he meets Especially women. Again I don’t know a lot about PTSD so I don’t know, but to me it doesn’t seem like someone with ptsd would do that. Also most of the stories he tells about why he has PTSD seem very rehearsed. I’m no expert so let me know what y’all think.",2.6369058874086804,3.500358363128491,4.282793296089384,88.88157713794584,74.30726256983242,7.965792866351527,22.707778255264287,8.384062270229773,0.962355049419854,653,16,154,11,13,220,95,179,0.083,0.8440000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.5578,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,12,6,0,0,7,0,18,0,0,0,2,35,34,16,0,7,9,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,4,12,5,0,0,11,1,0,2,7,2,0,0,2,0,12,4,25,28,6,9,0,0,0,0,19,5,0,17,4,98,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.1621916016282633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06645683312027009,0.06914772275147152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397861431986652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065835556140099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485668074659529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544666445532087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001722328381044,0.07940775375849192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420458623470864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047228919374650916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228428516441172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18268327616346086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497767307148177,0.0,0.0811991158346306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130110922934605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108970993588313,0.0,0.0,0.08026066342837906,0.0,0.0,0.08142255314907679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451233450966125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368529181943916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7771365929439702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026126410470518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704122601994235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452700452492628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05324856132591529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06856805304461443,0.04901585559641127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498684792283808,0.0927806857436377,0.0,0.0,0.18024167367760646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903344858965311,0.09085925631501766,0.0,0.0 ptsd,toofacedlove,2019/08/22,"A family member of my really close friend is missing and they're having a search party today and I'm terrified to go. She's been missing for 6 days. I can't go to into detail, but it's not just your average missing persons case this is bad and the outcome is not looking good at all. I've been helping out and I will be there today to support but this entire situation has been so intense and heartbreaking. The cops aren't helping at all. I've never seen anybody this close to me go through something like this and it's all happening right in front of me. I have been having terrible and haunting thoughts about the whole thing but I'm really worried for today. I've been praying for the best outcome but what if we find her...deceased? I won't be able to handle that. What if we don't find her at all? The family will be a mess and I don't know if I'll be able to handle that either. I absorb people's emotions so heavily and I just know it's gonna be hard, but I have to go and support. Has anybody else ever been through something like this?",1.2200937375349028,3.4372191146788995,3.2083566015157565,88.94208815317114,82.62385321100919,5.809652971679299,23.69844435580375,7.079830092131019,0.9954991623454332,829,31,169,11,23,279,108,218,0.146,0.703,0.15,0.4305,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,2,1,0,1,7,14,0,0,8,0,27,0,0,0,6,40,45,20,0,3,13,0,1,2,1,4,0,0,0,1,13,16,0,0,5,0,0,5,8,7,0,0,8,3,16,7,21,28,7,20,1,4,2,0,9,9,0,3,8,119,29,0,0.2746185546172825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464751114037065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14409761522620915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855312455098026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470428204973675,0.15445445564875526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420410243014784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588859328677021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2509963837855999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608480703826692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121441063521525,0.1151685072119512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142214045317935,0.0,0.12300214217789425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18407102844927506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509231757220056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134164754267009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530521071408745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590137950886393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519296403545548,0.11989316468018375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759276780978104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726137257643465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543413807281096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21141477999306507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116338814025854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122218257156588,0.0,0.0,0.10900822858795088,0.0,0.0,0.3904594192086267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330090451811096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394442362578571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Bitter-root,2019/08/22,"[Trigger warning (r)] My lover isn't putting in any effort. My lover isn't putting in any special effort to not rape me. It doesn't hurt him to not rape me. He's not holding back, he's not neglecting his needs. It's just normal behaviour to not rape me, he doesn't want to. If I ask him to stop he does. What the fuck. Why is this a new concept to me. I'm in heaven at how I'm being treated and horrified at how I expected to be treated. I feel lucky but this should just be normal. This bittersweet feeling is making me crazy tonight. Also he's moving away in two days 🎉",0.3650126103404823,2.39705954918033,2.4814754098360647,93.98666456494327,84.65573770491805,5.393190416141237,22.499369482976046,6.67199483983844,0.5077962168978565,443,16,100,5,13,149,68,122,0.107,0.7090000000000001,0.184,0.8231,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,6,13,4,0,2,0,10,6,0,4,0,26,19,6,0,7,9,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,3,2,0,0,3,9,6,0,1,0,2,13,7,14,15,0,15,1,2,0,6,11,7,1,2,5,60,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748708610817944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28484935197471084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579578236279274,0.0,0.19677341731729672,0.1610445029887802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13506985554363485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18328015999264935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179577696638466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193621585856714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242071661034548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398011517375424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22259890819805386,0.0,0.15529524601060388,0.0,0.2022760341649259,0.0,0.0,0.4104085473271741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4210850515173976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750991206993586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20458999652190352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353165869467565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889847599614643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Princess_Bulma,2019/08/22,"I'm starting to have issues at work. I work from home! Plush job, right? Well, it's a call center. The issue is, not only do I have crippling social anxiety, but a bad case of sciatica. So, even if I wanted to work outside of my home again, I can't do a stand up job. That leaves receptionist or more call centers. I've survived working in call centers for 6 years of my life. I have no soul left. Customer service and sales has sapped every bit of my soul out. I don't want to go outside anymore. I don't want to interact with people. Accept the ones I know and trust. Every time I leave my house something bad happens. So my brain tells me to stay inside. I know this isn't healthy. So I force myself to go shopping, things like that. But every time I think about working around people my hands start to shake. I worked as a cashier, the first time $20 EVER went missing from my register the manager pulled me into the office and told me ""we're going to go through this footage together. And when I see you taking money out of my register, I'm going to call the cops and have them arrest you."" Turns out another manager took the bill and stuck it into a different register for NO APPARENT REASON!!! That's just one of a million nightmare scenerios that have honestly lead me from being a brave confident girl, to a nervous wreck in her late 20s. So now, every morning my hands are shaking as I log in. The job isn't hard. People are my trigger. I don't want to be around them. I get that no matter what, my job will require some human contact. I get it. But I need something I can do before I lose it. I don't have time to get a degree, freelance jobs are not going to replace my 40 hour income. I've been searching for something to do for 2 years and I've run out of ideas. I can do light physical work. But anything that resembles a normal standing shift cripples me. I'm an artist. I wish I could get a job making art. Or I wish I could learn how to run a tshirt business. But I need something soon. I'm waiting for a counseling appointment coming soon, but I'd like to solve as much of this issue on my own as I can. Thanks ~",1.902477116704809,3.799428855835238,3.5490108695652185,89.0765597826087,78.51945080091535,6.200663615560642,24.42614416475973,7.1686216300943375,1.006762974828376,1658,59,345,20,40,551,218,437,0.11599999999999999,0.765,0.12,0.7831,9,0,4,0,0,0,58.0,0,2,2,12,17,15,0,3,22,0,32,4,3,5,1,56,72,26,0,12,12,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,2,15,17,0,2,7,3,4,15,12,7,1,4,5,5,53,8,53,62,5,54,2,2,1,0,16,19,0,4,19,218,68,19,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286844533359935,0.05316120745773121,0.0,0.06891741384412432,0.0,0.0,0.05718601390102428,0.1237252674335751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11604587319698816,0.0,0.0,0.059132593322369226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586729094082653,0.0,0.0,0.07757608016311575,0.2838365010056314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05986122464994732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096745164395633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260437350850417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045898825857717616,0.06285951338057136,0.23420010648724515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910987934246437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14522685555340226,0.0,0.2369635090066115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06145156651976745,0.0,0.06225120306649023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941233039001732,0.0,0.06843564464404589,0.08018446447112673,0.0,0.07844803547331046,0.0,0.2175948525424808,0.41376066074542656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638199703646005,0.0,0.07839002890781144,0.14716403719786758,0.07550328642091704,0.0,0.04908427103351177,0.06790058461065024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774379846941393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638646502864683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051084632827644916,0.10305490918572338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808742807709423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941791866303433,0.05285181499233733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453105685188375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144937361919271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059345808023032014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537614524216297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083836620597961,0.0,0.21399341779871686,0.0,0.0,0.09837362323670344,0.07406925040872056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052249352976578935,0.0,0.060739091167749476,0.06397891831582317,0.0,0.0,0.04616741229773118,0.044527682432764726,0.0,0.0,0.16208543002113285,0.0,0.0,0.06640260608010955,0.07720819459889905,0.0,0.0755873659878703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639527827847648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248167441662665,0.06441980161753519,0.0,0.0,0.15982479404091782,0.0,0.0,0.3541371432013855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950116897219314 ptsd,hacapu,2019/08/22,"congrats you survived *tw: car wrecks Two years ago almost to date I looked at my phone to change the song when I was driving and I flipped my car off the interstate going 90, hit a ravine that popped my right front tire open. The tire pop sent me apparently 12 ft in the air, flipped up there some, finally hit a tree upside down and slid back down into a little stream. I thought I was dead. No one was in the car with me, and I didn’t hit anybody. THANK god. (Please drive hands free of devices btw I was literally just changing the song). I’d never wrecked, didn’t know about the air bag smoke so I thought my car was on fire. Crawled to my trunk. Tried to bust windows out but didn’t know where was up or down. A trucker named Mike found me. I didn’t even break a bone. And I feel guilty. Constantly. I blocked all the thoughts out. For two years. A girl I knew who was 10 died in a wreck three days after mine. Nobody wanted to tell me and upset me so I missed her funeral because I didn’t know. I cry for her at least 3 times a week. I lost my faith. I lost my mind. And I feel so guilty for just being alive. But also for not feeling lucky to be alive. I don’t mean this to say I’m suicidal. I just REALLY wish I had died. Nobody knows I shower with the curtains open because I’m so claustrophobic after being stuck in my trunk so long. Nobody knows half the time I’m driving I’m keeping myself from having another blackout flashback. Nobody knows how much I smoke to just feel nothing. Nobody knows the depressive episodes I have every time I read a local obituary a Facebook friend shared and someone died too young in a car wreck they didn’t cause. Nobody knows how fucking tired I am. Nobody gets it. I lived. So what. Look at god. Fuck that. I’m drowning in my mind and I can’t talk about it another second because I’m so. So. So. So. SO sick. Of hearing how thankful I should be because god. I live in the Bible Belt. That’s like all they got. Why didn’t god save Lily? Or Kelsha. Or Drew. Or Corey. Or Brantley. Stop it with that bullshit. I just want to meet someone who says “I know what this feels like and it’s bullshit and I’m sorry.” I just want to find one person who wrecked and survived and is as fucked up as I am. I haven’t let myself grieve myself until recently. I blocked it out so hard it didn’t surface until the last few months. And boy it just pulled up like HEY BITCH REMEMBER ME. REMEMBER THAT SMELL. THAT SOUND. THAT TASTE. IM BACK. And I haven’t slept in 2 years. I don’t know what I’m looking for here. I guess I’m sick of trying to talk to he people close to me about it. Anytime I start they act bored. Like, what else is there to this? You didn’t die. You didn’t kill anyone. Chill out. I just feel like I haven’t taken a deep breath for two years. Someone just tell me they get it.",-0.4770730161245602,1.761117986371385,0.9827092825165415,100.17415583772436,95.71209540034071,3.8205221663167066,17.047046472009825,5.593185093668076,-0.6715311041559366,2186,60,501,16,86,692,268,587,0.22399999999999998,0.665,0.11199999999999999,-0.9979,2,0,2,0,0,0,77.0,0,3,4,4,37,25,5,1,25,0,36,13,4,4,3,91,97,42,10,5,17,0,9,5,1,1,5,6,3,3,26,25,1,4,25,3,1,14,19,12,0,8,30,20,72,14,61,58,6,79,1,5,3,3,30,36,4,9,33,292,98,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049382208594393,0.0,0.06833609438079379,0.0,0.0,0.054574371681304364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311870198487986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04771750260944341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495021159618116,0.0,0.166402628314729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010496217016263,0.1443853320441828,0.0,0.0,0.0737470733160437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496237559084942,0.04401146781320967,0.0,0.05877810128353175,0.0,0.2833042751624372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057008759917477475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04507424543856471,0.0,0.05749816517239451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070360477564539,0.0975064640431574,0.0,0.07475751358234513,0.06237340196760832,0.0,0.0,0.07482557047653668,0.0527248258501293,0.18927028890889253,0.07130891487047013,0.0,0.03878440303337885,0.0,0.05458063050732719,0.0,0.07517800467311338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611328493361255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691548207846485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371478436591983,0.0,0.0,0.06065803552131905,0.07550141762837513,0.0,0.3750489056279668,0.055627631564750604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978369111303458,0.0,0.1667018468865616,0.06839800217338217,0.12052067479027395,0.0603934267877636,0.1719222758915821,0.0,0.1489918729357863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433727228153454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781313714844193,0.0,0.05447137987508826,0.0,0.05016688848098405,0.0,0.0526336611978676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548156204200567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248724110154348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04731151039485368,0.059587667686507875,0.0,0.07491096510494208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826205445009798,0.0,0.04371858915941992,0.0,0.067382308964098,0.0,0.1546133610281433,0.05827965022182169,0.0,0.10854007858718456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734677088249026,0.0,0.0,0.07639310820016484,0.048303161961020975,0.0,0.0,0.05705469428218617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464740754002602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10970322004330536,0.11929580558323405,0.1256590517587893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625333550295542,0.11938015273150075,0.2353078918521957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266583157530332,0.0,0.199992204269136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075550681543605,0.0,0.05474088891425179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061579222445708036,0.0,0.07847675685757305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17578652969453945 ptsd,carterr_kleinnn,2019/08/22,"Hi, I need help Hi, this is my first post on this sub, I’ll just get right into it, sorry for grammar stuff, I’m on mobile. So Until recently, I was a part of the Mormon church, and when I was about 5 or 6, I was molested by my Sunday school teacher, my brain had blocked it out for a long time, I completely didn’t know that it happened, I just remember the events before and after. One day half way through my 7th grade school year I started piecing the story back together, I asked my parents and they told me the truth about what happened. That night I started having flash backs and I couldn’t sleep for weeks, I would black out for hours and not remember anything, I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore and I over dosed, I was in therapy for a while after that, but it never really helped. Every time I think about it, or see something that reminds me of it, i freak out and have a panic attack, I don’t know what to do about this, please help me figure this out, it’s really hard to deal with this.",6.758840579710146,5.039439400966188,7.0192318840579695,81.60710869565217,65.61835748792271,10.212367149758457,31.328019323671498,8.841846274778883,2.229566570048309,784,22,169,10,10,255,121,207,0.10300000000000001,0.843,0.054000000000000006,-0.8295,1,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,1,1,10,5,2,1,8,0,14,3,2,0,2,33,28,14,0,4,6,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,21,13,0,1,7,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,7,3,27,1,28,18,2,34,2,0,2,0,10,10,0,2,22,122,48,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033913088673366,0.0,0.0,0.10815227872007037,0.0,0.12286543126611983,0.14951588091453244,0.0,0.202116736877316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183372083793552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671471696441393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377975062736784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847588025245167,0.1354942834397581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073194941038292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179076332930828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866458373298874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324388953401697,0.0,0.1177317495211213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26427593656226483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294279913746178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445642333072028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630774407724988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745060462700184,0.10136371989559947,0.0,0.0,0.1233342599058297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905755924607273,0.0,0.0,0.1541999210845072,0.14593285643326553,0.14232139132400398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442661200303126,0.0,0.0,0.12586963760737696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838953342526622,0.0,0.12976717439584626,0.0,0.2977597427710169,0.11223696026940226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660199592321963,0.1047293889907972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152076706918275,0.0,0.0,0.10117804244095407,0.0,0.14712048231730174,0.18604779024139287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045115819923696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988158852240808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029691665637165,0.0,0.0,0.08421237978856391,0.0,0.0,0.15327094343774536,0.0,0.0,0.12558303456759054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431972465417368,0.10542189170312068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336115510112476,0.0,0.0,0.08463394029531555 ptsd,noamazia,2019/08/22,"Help with dealing with PTSD friend in DnD games hi everyone, i tried posting this question on the DnD forum and got game related answers and im seeking advice on how to approach the PTSD itself. so for those who dont know, dnd is a game played with pen and paper and dice in the imagination. i create a fantasy world where my friends create their story: adventuring, battling monsters and goofing around. i have a friend who got PTSD from war. he mostly have physical ticks, loss of hunger, nightmares, rages with heatwaves and panic attacks. his life stopped in their tracks and he is bored to death, which is stressing him and he became depressed he is getting left behind. but mostly he deals with it really well! he is happy most of the time he is not in a middle of an episode. we knew he wanted to play DND so we started a group and had 1 session which did not go so well. my friend kept getting triggered and went out to medicate, which slowed the game. is there anyone here who knows the game and how to deal with ptsd in such settings?",4.206772388059702,6.0069594129353225,4.279524253731342,86.7557042910448,71.7860696517413,6.617039800995027,27.48787313432836,7.1686216300943375,1.3772410447761203,826,30,157,8,16,255,122,201,0.102,0.745,0.153,0.9363,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,2,0,2,1,12,19,4,2,12,0,12,3,0,3,0,39,24,17,2,1,3,0,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,10,21,1,2,6,8,0,3,3,9,2,0,7,0,11,10,26,17,3,22,0,2,0,0,33,13,0,4,4,99,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168994725366372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836469477477785,0.0,0.0,0.10649462464949558,0.0,0.13609455716888585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699948338101336,0.10303575203879603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020357536461284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431004768764948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696983716011729,0.0,0.12500178655495178,0.0,0.06798756759159873,0.0,0.191355494249344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734663948703254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018438428711908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921918329553536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148926283378254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997658948711924,0.0,0.08449706560891934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205130115611785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403581335113774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457092374673032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5593567176665203,0.0,0.13401116857257442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663700619363259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846735860775412,0.0,0.0,0.10001468581557796,0.13703390994627712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975627286689734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121982027460355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055992047977458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21512056841721472,0.11089671068098568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,strongizy,2019/08/22,"I’m lost and ptsd is way too much harder rn lost I’m feeling really suicidal Yeah trigger warning guys I attempted to commit suicide two days ago Might try again ✍🏼no one knows about it I think I’m done I’m to point that I don’t give a 🏌️‍♂️ Why I’m like that ? I was raped multiple times I’m going through a rough part in life Jump to every noise Can’t t eat anything It is very frustrating I began having hallucinations ( earring people) Can’t find a way to stay alive Peace guys ❤️spread love ❤️",-1.4508086124401909,0.4164889909090945,1.3642583732057432,95.59322966507177,104.54545454545456,4.497607655502391,17.607655502392344,6.339386263674448,-0.023909090909091102,399,13,91,6,19,137,79,110,0.209,0.626,0.165,-0.7968,0,0,0,0,0,2,3.0,0,0,0,3,3,6,2,0,3,1,9,4,0,1,1,8,24,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,1,1,0,4,0,0,2,3,4,0,2,5,2,5,2,7,18,2,12,0,2,0,2,4,2,0,1,6,35,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14751194634980874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694080716187296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073203354487172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17029465444016276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027842247686234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020714783193478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414162338135868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209523233015812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963511811031936,0.09457433143075422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295430579281293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145428762452422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753992341405088,0.08129925683785898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633111681360924,0.0,0.15019103535265274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653414034753176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233010094204708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276335728985724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802052294686705,0.0,0.11536736715327643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15731072866498974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19452375441046552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660616169055297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737034363682772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640498813433441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662846310540164,0.0,0.0,0.0970346947712142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298110042027495,0.0,0.1625578628762906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137305232896848,0.0,0.2641761683824018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15015865495767486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,luccalez,2019/08/22,"How do I deal with seeing one of my biggest triggers almost every day Hi, this is my first reddit post ever so sorry if I don’t know proper etiquette. Also adding warning for sexual assault When I was 15 I was sexually assaulted for the the first time at park that is very close to my house. I unfortunately have to drive pass it almost everyday to get to work, the store etc+. Even though it’s been almost 6 years I can’t shake the feeling of going to panic mode and feeling absolutely sick every time I have to drive by it. Also due to being a small town there’s not really many alternative routes I can take to avoid it. Luckily when ever ever my friends have ask if I ever want to go to that park (or almost any park for that matter bc a lot of the local parks in my town I associate with traumatic memories) they don’t pry and ask why. I guess what I’m looking for is any advice to could possibly help alleviate any anxiety from this. I’ve also been going to therapy regularly for the last few years and it has helped quite a bit but dealing this still brings me a lot of pain and unwanted feeling. Thank you to anyone who read all this and thank you even more for any advice/tips!",6.98262102351314,5.659829112033196,7.910549792531119,74.1184664591978,64.93360995850622,11.02088520055325,31.28665283540802,10.125756701596842,2.84392918395574,940,27,187,18,12,320,142,241,0.114,0.807,0.079,-0.8140000000000001,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,1,4,16,9,2,3,10,0,18,2,0,2,5,36,37,17,0,5,5,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,14,8,0,1,4,1,1,8,4,6,0,3,4,5,20,3,29,31,7,34,0,0,2,0,12,8,0,10,17,126,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972872239467724,0.0,0.0,0.39877304739567204,0.0,0.0,0.23885022295597805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708122471168954,0.0,0.07616183124882207,0.0,0.0,0.06961348209207405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861471526267892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869188429429097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948920585502738,0.0,0.0,0.0642068708318032,0.20528048287958955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11103382774674156,0.1315146437286641,0.36022474879117183,0.16776433269428762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101901204753554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936848769654098,0.0,0.0,0.07691849990907372,0.0,0.05201510553654064,0.0,0.16974383811202942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109674697874778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334636672330603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11487691765998413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05471464106006566,0.08115330689982285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360390226875747,0.0,0.0,0.16928182229346622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100936495541884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746328443531603,0.0,0.1059370564961935,0.11681022053707515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223703060638188,0.09534933626705118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058925128350199,0.09958524744942653,0.0,0.06377959987658123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933507967247122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114473721136782,0.0,0.0,0.07950739142334333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485545559563134,0.0,0.0,0.18331982335526334,0.11385359899796403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978155297256308,0.0,0.11610649719513652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214602867460521,0.05872206808487411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983588546228284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247963217993725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282245692642023 ptsd,nightterrorgirl,2019/03/25,"Should I try for a diagnosis so I can get help? F/24/UK &#x200B; Hi guys, It's been almost 2 years since I was with him and I had a 6 month break before getting into another relationship, but it wasn't enough to make it go away. I used to think it was ""normal"" what I was experiencing - that I was going through the motions of a break-up, but recently I've been starting to think something else is going on. &#x200B; I first noticed something strange, when my boyfriend and I were having a tickle fight. I flinched backwards to avoid being tickled and I hit my head against the wall a little bit. I remember in that moment, instantly seeing a past scene of when my boyfriend had punched me in the head. I didn't remember him punching me initially, but instead the moment after this when I was standing against the wall feeling the lump on my head. &#x200B; Things started happening similar to this. I used to argue with my ex boyfriend all the time and yes I felt numb sometimes, but I would argue back now and again. However, when my boyfriend had our first argument I noticed something strange - I felt very panicky, my hands were covered in sweat, my heart was racing and I couldn't speak - it wasn't that I was scared of him - I knew logically I had nothing to be afraid of, but I felt terrified and it was as if I went back to that moment with my ex boyfriend before things would escalate. Memories start flooding back when this happens, but they're not life like - as if I'm there, just memories. &#x200B; I started having nightmares after this, they weren't exact memories of the past - sometimes my boyfriend played the part of my ex and sometimes my boyfriend's mother played the part of my ex's mother. I would wake up sweating and my heart pounding sometimes and be off for the rest of the day. &#x200B; I also had forgotten some things which you'd think a person would never forget. It wasn't until I read a diary entry I'd written 6 months prior to an event that I instantly remembered the time he dragged me across the floor picked me up and slapped me because I was being too emotional about my dad dying - I still feel like this was my fault and I deserved to be slapped - he told me he done it to ""snap me out of it"" &#x200B; 3 months after the break up I developed a panic disorder which I thought was to do with my fear of death, but I'm starting to think maybe it is to do with him. &#x200B; Whenever I talk about it I get shaky - I don't even feel scared or traumatised, but my body is acting as if there's a threat it's strange. &#x200B; A big part of me believes that it's just anxiety and all in my head - after all, my ex bf had PTSD and what I'm going through looks nothing like his. He would have flashbacks where he would completely zone out and that doesn't happen to me. I also don't really avoid talking about it - I can talk about it, but it does set my panic off most times. &#x200B; I will be starting CBT soon for the panic attacks, but how do I go about dealing with this? My guidance counsellor at uni asked me about my past relationships and this came up, I told her about the memories and the tickle fight instance, but she didn't question further. Does this mean I don't need support for it? I'm not sure what to do, I weirdly feel ashamed to be asking for help because I feel like it's not as bad as what other people have been through. &#x200B; All I know is that I'm going through something which takes control over me and I want control back. It's really getting in the way of having a normal relationship. &#x200B; &#x200B;",5.226703052728958,5.979907365957445,5.350578168362628,83.99902173913047,68.2482269503546,8.116250385445575,32.06367560900401,8.112205042999317,2.2308550724637692,2843,118,558,35,46,894,272,705,0.162,0.792,0.046,-0.9979,1,2,4,0,3,0,113.0,1,1,1,4,32,29,6,11,32,1,65,14,11,7,7,102,122,48,2,15,20,8,9,4,1,8,3,1,0,2,46,28,0,4,21,3,0,10,15,21,0,2,39,13,92,8,83,65,12,87,0,0,2,0,46,28,0,9,48,392,138,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03336522465332402,0.0,0.0,0.05329207611175666,0.0,0.4332272223734514,0.4858502051244222,0.0,0.03493898566406611,0.02548975289299436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06229951203103125,0.0379063758043134,0.031305290981272,0.10248427040058183,0.02782085634901064,0.0406231957425485,0.0,0.05670582982553823,0.03754029480470645,0.0,0.0,0.03637687312275938,0.03701107256787093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038109269374628836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034935446494096065,0.0,0.07474255580878611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02148868067770341,0.034351516347213784,0.0,0.0,0.034580959270839304,0.0,0.0381876727689607,0.0,0.058317213959973524,0.03409798744184084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027834632621156173,0.03748058008697182,0.0,0.034428526554156735,0.0,0.022007583821756417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03749432837155749,0.08423811149051022,0.04760771167024101,0.09597744184936187,0.0,0.0,0.05668404801272101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963341952731471,0.0,0.11361933970438733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03299209563482655,0.08839445078754392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13678396789880212,0.0,0.0,0.07896885746459463,0.04466746455779516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01831183228372712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023534942101752845,0.06511398840560477,0.03339545124772071,0.0,0.0,0.02798045654598986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022241397208666663,0.0,0.033474476418736916,0.03629531087872374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978725634719665,0.0,0.0,0.024706400542563702,0.02569848256776241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529316393667656,0.06394298790350962,0.07587021293221223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728172529644648,0.0,0.10824712622208307,0.09542329577923084,0.023099932580519702,0.02909378911603021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0389493643052572,0.0,0.03732609020934871,0.0,0.03332907452002526,0.0,0.04269136426504327,0.0,0.03289953715702392,0.10731981666315717,0.11323538984456599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671838085582177,0.0,0.02655177197605248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02756269599913709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260563296560957,0.13181755598742206,0.0,0.14150464976660898,0.0,0.02660944107195354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03781120654843863,0.031403759998279296,0.0,0.025052536612355486,0.08034420056716017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664090972038493,0.08540059012100835,0.0,0.026452403878984825,0.05828758068670281,0.0,0.0,0.06367748594794888,0.0,0.022622131951003425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05755566326018174,0.0,0.027492537111086082,0.01965303328853692,0.026447910832990668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03088802725092898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14201767768646634,0.0,0.4858502051244222,0.0214570246786556 ptsd,literaltreehugger,2019/03/25,"How do you cope with crowded trains? I have PTSD related to sexual trauma. I have to ride a packed train during rush hour a few times every week. I'm looking for any little tricks from anyone else about how to cope. I have plenty of coping skills generally speaking, but I can't sing or do yoga on the train. I've gotten pretty good at countering the intrusive thought that someone is going to grope me, but the physical response is another matter, and I have a panic attack 2/3 times I have to stand on a packed train.",6.0947058823529385,6.2087541568627485,6.7733333333333325,76.78000000000003,66.25490196078431,9.545098039215684,28.764705882352942,9.2995712137729,2.3847529411764707,412,12,76,7,6,136,72,102,0.113,0.797,0.09,-0.319,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,3,5,2,1,7,0,10,0,0,2,0,10,15,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,2,8,1,13,13,1,12,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,1,4,46,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667149326781403,0.25706812913827204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714192338644348,0.2511919650713207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789010878598318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047969280496567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20655505597461865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932817709021367,0.20562577144979802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414299228489866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457113740084705,0.0,0.0,0.20586984653392604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876385135499622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494124542887753,0.0,0.0,0.2865750113454271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20772043883885694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19462700038754427,0.2859056349106193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664988160721825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anonymousw17,2019/03/25,"How to deal with panic attacks? I’ve had PTSD for years but recently my panic attacks have been getting pretty bad. heavy breathing, shaking, fast heartbeat, etc. Was wondering if anyone could give me some tips on how to make them more manageable?... thanks :)",3.6720000000000006,6.909549866666668,3.3305555555555566,84.5425,83.66666666666666,5.666666666666668,27.5,7.1686216300943375,1.9376666666666664,204,9,32,3,6,61,41,45,0.285,0.525,0.18899999999999997,-0.6805,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,0,2,7,2,3,0,0,5,1,1,3,0,9,10,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,3,0,3,1,5,6,3,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,3,20,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817823273141376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4821754172419384,0.0,0.0,0.17694296452083644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16919955288607194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21847850626920529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23634497046355385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071858757974867,0.20329138475787756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145713948617866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.497281030167609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155971407907628,0.0,0.0,0.2477212023927992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20924379763508755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951059380529873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22981640308849216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364684648383617 ptsd,issathrowaway12,2019/03/25,"Meet the criteria for PTSD, but feel like what I experienced shouldn’t cause this much stress. I’m a 22 year old female. My mom has always had significant health issues and will likely die of her diseases, although when is not clear. This is something that causes me a lot of grief and distress but I have gotten good at compartmentalizing. A few months ago, we learned she had a heart murmur, most likely due to a heart condition that would require surgery. At the time I worked a stressful job and had been backstabbed by my company. (80 hour work weeks, lying boss.) he wouldn’t give me time off to care for her so I quit. Then we learned it was a mitral valve prolapse, and she definitely needed surgery. My mom has a personality disorder and has emotionally abused me at times throughout my life, especially when she’s stressed. So during this time she ostracized and bullied me, and banned me from going to the hospital for her surgery. In this time she kicked me out for 2 weeks. I stayed with two shitty people who did shitty things. I also got a horrible stomach virus (we all did) and got to a point where I thought I may need to get IV fluids. I have health anxiety so this was really hard for me. I ended up coming back after those 2 weeks. I got updates from my dad while she was hospitalized, there were a couple times it was touch and go and they thought it might be time to say goodbye, but she pulled through. Every night I was scared to sleep for fear that she would be dead when I woke up. Gradually I began eating and sleeping less, until one day, a couple weeks or so after her surgery, I didn’t eat or sleep for 3 days. Two doses of Ativan in the ER made no effect. I had a psychotic episode (I’m assuming?) that I don’t remember in which I physically fought the nurses and cussed out my friend. They gave me haloperidol and knocked me out. I was put in psych for 3 days in a terrible psych hospital where I received no therapy. The MD met with me once and said I have PTSD, but he thinks it’s from an experience I had as a teenager. Backstory on that: my freshman year of high school, I pissed a girl off and she and her friends cornered me and tried to beat me up. I don’t remember much of it, the adrenaline was in overdrive. The only mark on my body was a bleeding cut above my eye from being thrown onto a table. It was about 6 months after that that I began having constant panic attacks. Anxiety and depression deeply colored the next 4 years, as did benzo addiction. However, I never felt fear when I recalled the event. I had no flashbacks or nightmares. I didn’t avoid any reminders of the event. Basically, I didn’t fit any PTSD criteria, except the anxiety and hyper vigilance. Now, I fit the criteria for it. I avoid reminders of that time period from the time my mom kicked me out until I got out of the psych ward. I won’t watch tv because that’s all I did (unless I’m with someone) My house gives me anxiety because it reminds me of being there alone and afraid. I am terrified to sleep alone- I’ve only slept alone in my bed a handful of times since then and it’s always so scary to me that I cry if I have to do it. I feel empty and like my life will never get better, I can’t see a future. When I’m alone I am very afraid. I have a loss of identity. I feel disconnected to most people. I have panic attacks almost daily. I struggle to feel emotion, and when I do, I’m either sobbing or wanting to die or hurt myself, I imagine stabbing myself or slitting my wrists to satisfy the urge. All the psychiatrists I’ve called are booked out 6 months. I have a doctor appointment this week. Any thoughts? ",3.1434560378345178,4.9951879930651915,4.289297651258497,85.36258202405587,74.75589459084604,7.279879948159432,25.689297651258503,8.089982424148904,1.5404447420477023,2857,100,572,46,61,933,329,721,0.248,0.7020000000000001,0.049,-0.9995,2,6,1,0,1,3,82.0,3,0,2,8,19,34,5,14,40,0,58,24,13,5,6,94,98,55,4,8,15,4,8,4,2,9,9,2,1,2,31,36,2,4,16,2,0,6,15,25,1,3,42,15,99,9,79,43,11,95,0,5,4,0,40,31,2,14,61,383,130,13,0.0,0.06737104172482357,0.0,0.0619869333313578,0.0,0.0,0.05040388663083584,0.0,0.05693812417853416,0.2355635817529096,0.0,0.045471758079123216,0.09462589091438843,0.0,0.0,0.11600238373264507,0.0,0.1739941787392549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293752974919146,0.0,0.043722634682106534,0.0,0.06932393196062872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028897457379716,0.0,0.06315980389001306,0.0,0.0,0.058061485586042176,0.0,0.05797362616077691,0.1168239150260256,0.0,0.048980756454671655,0.0,0.06144659065345291,0.0,0.0,0.12583133214628625,0.06245918922913024,0.11001201234873599,0.0,0.04897433574724167,0.0,0.11802557744682955,0.0,0.0651676851212717,0.05819969016421205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163660912160755,0.0,0.12792204730819268,0.050362009654303125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790788379535773,0.0,0.0,0.055621013933955625,0.0,0.1279689705070091,0.11500261370807915,0.040621542745494135,0.054595521326349775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786140644262494,0.0,0.0594150995417802,0.10909259344259284,0.064630885803901,0.0476923477736522,0.18190789191150064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05093632872097864,0.0,0.0,0.12088126627344604,0.0,0.1347612269743283,0.0,0.06007681716707279,0.0,0.0,0.05599667669230378,0.06561001297042435,0.06087092595352162,0.0,0.0,0.059348159238295964,0.05642581452074584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032527698210562,0.11111773998586284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048341228083804255,0.0,0.05380329672899359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603205843101574,0.0,0.19978491014962044,0.1361578337015222,0.0,0.08359882290211053,0.0843234905032746,0.08770948835780595,0.0,0.060472367676704164,0.05336023995799809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966610289830977,0.060555158427661876,0.0385305164604912,0.08649077573889283,0.0,0.13342837256827367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884057988228556,0.049648872283183626,0.0,0.0,0.05375206774535656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19940256040806487,0.057161056527566936,0.0,0.060478721766719125,0.0,0.0,0.03642664218704584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882496182508196,0.0,0.05408787595658593,0.04521818614996756,0.05692782670625685,0.0575464143907994,0.04531089197332843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04703604497797696,0.0,0.2276084421515985,0.0,0.0481781798990943,0.04377441132133175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06060630961469684,0.0,0.0,0.19540240882424895,0.059443511314009864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502556178514153,0.0,0.03777595248211437,0.0364342624375649,0.0,0.13542395765637316,0.3315613328636945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03860491789259075,0.0,0.1110899597506142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046916318061057234,0.03353811825019735,0.0,0.22805250716223385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279103764765698,0.0,0.0,0.08078491155264828,0.0,0.0,0.10984994841329056 ptsd,ricechexwithwater,2019/03/25,"Veteran Dad I’m sure this will be long and convoluted as it’s a very complicated and emotional subject, but please bear with me. My dad is an Army vet. Fourteen years ago, he did a one year tour in Iraq. He came back with severe PTSD, which is sadly pretty normal. He potentially already had PTSD from childhood abuse, plus a family history of mental illness, so the odds were stacked against him. In the fourteen years since, he’s become an alcoholic along with many other vices and struggles. Nine years ago, a few years after retiring from the military, he was unfairly let go from a job he liked and that just crushed him again, and he’s never recovered from that either. He spent several years unemployed, then held down a factory job for a few years, but after leaving that he hasn’t been able to hold a job. He’s using a temp agency and he’ll take on a new job (usually manufacturing, which he’s honestly getting too old for) then suddenly leave after a couple weeks for any number of reasons, without seeking out a new job first. He’s had half a dozen different jobs in the last couple months. My mom works, but she can’t keep up with the bills on her own and it’s frustrating that he seems to take any reason to leave a perfectly good job, and in an irresponsible way. As I mentioned, he drinks. The severity has fluctuated a lot over the years, but as far as I know he hasn’t been sober for any significant amount of time in years. He usually drinks nightly or almost nightly. It’s destroyed his relationship with my younger sisters. It makes them incredibly uncomfortable, and he’s incoherent while drinking and forgets any conversation he has anyway. For his birthday this last year my mom gave him his presents in the evening, and the next morning he saw them in the kitchen and was like “Oh hey, what’s this?” It was devastatingly sad. He has a family history of mental illness, and I know he struggles with severe depression and anxiety because of the PTSD. He drinks because of the flashbacks. He now seems to have grandiose delusions and has delusional parasitosis (he believes he has a parasite in his body despite absolutely no medical evidence and many doctors visits, a relatively rare condition). He’s religious and believes God speaks to him and that he has some kind of special relationship with special revelations. He’s even attributed his drinking to some kind of message from God. He once accused us of being manipulated by Satan when we tried to have an intervention about his alcohol abuse. It’s incredibly hard to maintain a relationship with him as he doesn’t make much sense and tends to alienate people with strange statements. He’s been on some medications but won’t consistently see a psychiatrist or therapist. He says they don’t understand his struggles. I get that most people wouldn’t understand what he’s going through, but many specialists are trained to help vets with PTSD. We even live near a post where he can get medical care and surely there are resources for him. He just refuses to try. He’s destroying his body and mind with his vices, and destroying his relationships with my family. Please understand that I’m coming at this with the utmost love and compassion for my father. I have PTSD from my own difficulties, it’s not that I don’t understand. We’re just at the end of our rope with him. We’ve considered having him admitted to a psychiatric hospital, where he could get the intensive care he probably needs, but he won’t agree to that and having him admitted without his consent is difficult. What can we do to help him? How can we convince him to get help? Maybe this is party just to get this pain off my chest, but any advice would be dearly welcome. Tl;dr: Veteran father has severe PTSD, delusions, alcoholism. He won’t seek or accept help. What can we do?",6.424589280904929,7.573853458509141,6.756763324056617,73.56396983571237,65.75105485232068,10.608025855103687,34.115001346619984,10.628707181202255,3.824091516294103,3063,135,543,81,47,991,327,711,0.141,0.721,0.138,-0.7747,11,0,8,0,2,0,77.0,7,0,3,3,19,30,4,3,41,0,51,20,3,8,4,108,90,47,0,5,19,7,1,2,0,7,10,2,1,0,29,48,9,4,14,5,2,5,15,12,0,5,15,5,49,18,88,63,12,71,1,3,2,1,103,22,0,11,44,333,78,10,0.047030485510436405,0.1114468696959296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04595764613041405,0.08337937549576876,0.15078385838008748,0.0470942376991453,0.0,0.051899310247873885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599117144558197,0.0,0.0359781926873842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036163540338905294,0.0,0.05733869489195517,0.05194147624868901,0.0,0.1059745040051876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448053427615582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053790346359640924,0.095901428790881,0.0,0.0,0.04051259890345825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03755001577464768,0.10407667536633393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04050728825569338,0.0,0.0,0.049136847429824285,0.0,0.0481376947722371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23035985553697974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290296606895024,0.04165505077458387,0.0,0.0,0.0931895763737116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330084683996516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040004106949642536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742892540498573,0.0,0.05345701746708981,0.03944693989988244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04213007728856525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126094172310234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32669349962301664,0.04180285644195483,0.0,0.09795002682604306,0.0516934497661662,0.0766722455325786,0.0,0.14939548046857568,0.0,0.048091857847302535,0.0,0.04595343923763215,0.0,0.041528780344152735,0.04162049971366583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03998363695489565,0.04244684936591697,0.0,0.06278642855184273,0.1430445917429814,0.04724844402213176,0.0,0.0,0.14213479888123526,0.0947913354125496,0.0,0.047487383481179334,0.11016307243499164,0.03753928483742603,0.0,0.03457281824718958,0.034872509084870516,0.03627280976311285,0.0908446719429686,0.05001745488957439,0.08826984943816557,0.04607989028266241,0.0,0.0,0.04935058316399568,0.05008593215961348,0.03186907414040345,0.0,0.050043752478880994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521003392511826,0.0,0.0,0.1032507002014458,0.0,0.0,0.04504220469204138,0.0478469115288572,0.05070681785208647,0.0,0.3298567247572204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671034404205868,0.0,0.2019725630813797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03740052974336668,0.0,0.0,0.037477207894332135,0.08562957533439222,0.0,0.265655309656588,0.0,0.038904103613860284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749942460604698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865135202130503,0.0,0.0707221441754188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0546060185519707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02742385431028132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386122499887603,0.0,0.0,0.1958415761420755,0.05657188335810731,0.04061923926289111,0.10359487074560043,0.03880507597700447,0.0,0.037330610309275265,0.03772501864131756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067141949054297,0.0,0.034238753581976734,0.0,0.0,0.03340910753606418,0.0,0.0,0.30286090713684494 ptsd,Astarinasya,2019/03/25,"[NSFW][Possible Trigger] Need help in developing a character with PTSD Well, the title says it all. I know that this is a sensitive topic and a major mistake of PTSD portrayal (minor ones can be used as a plot device) means disaster for the novel that I will write. The main character is a former soldier who has been diagnosed already with PTSD because of war from the southern part of the country. Overprotective for his family, he tends to look at any threats that might arise and hurt him and his loved ones. However, a terrorist attack at the airport made it worse, as his parents died and her sister is fighting back for her survival at the hospital. He only trusts few people, especially from the government. Now here lies my problem, the main character will be forced to go back to the world where his own person was destroyed, in order to know the truth and give revenge to those who are responsible. Of course, violence due to war made him traumatized but he will use violence as a tool for the objective of vengeance to succeed. Is this plot realistic at all - that the main character must use the act that traumatized him? Or not? Tell me why. I also had to add that he will go to different places while the plot progresses and making his PTSD worse (but I read that travelling reduces PTSD symptoms showing up). Additionally, does people with PTSD tend to be more violent and brutal when it comes to self-defense? Are they really cold to the people that they interact with? I am asking these questions as aside from making my main character a badass one, I want the reader to be sympathetic at him and paint him as an anti-hero, while immersing himself/herself on the perspective of someone who has PTSD. If you can add what are the things that I do not know about this disorder, do it, as I'm currently researching it for my novel writing. Thanks and have a good day, everyone.",7.142876190476192,7.6905189257142865,7.261428571428571,72.68690476190478,64.02857142857144,11.123809523809523,34.66666666666667,10.914260884657429,3.935895238095238,1504,63,264,39,21,485,193,350,0.179,0.736,0.085,-0.9884,4,0,0,0,2,0,43.0,0,1,2,3,9,18,8,0,29,0,28,3,0,8,4,47,52,23,3,6,6,2,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,1,24,17,0,0,5,5,0,5,2,11,1,3,5,3,26,7,47,37,11,28,0,1,1,1,36,12,0,4,10,192,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946435315439084,0.06858603759132946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058322969299808174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017846152439839,0.0975697816843789,0.0,0.13189559377409255,0.0,0.0522813940375596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387873584316536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531116699819859,0.0,0.0,0.0870494133806888,0.08901026739961389,0.08960590704350067,0.0982938309464556,0.0,0.07505330849735785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195189160558704,0.0,0.0,0.08085137107774355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227336077230431,0.09748416490943712,0.07193540112371967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748630240724415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918129360294962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140218685540296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202078749799201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740603309978028,0.16230535558230005,0.11449726986341037,0.0,0.0,0.09342295282686368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098284380886612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359347355149833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434923754922108,0.06522795518274067,0.0,0.0,0.09523160252729768,0.09287486383093924,0.0,0.17837543138708956,0.07488646941814499,0.08960590704350067,0.0,0.0,0.0966868664182987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08206528057717817,0.7017808017678633,0.0,0.09607614538668642,0.0,0.08578795666061069,0.0,0.054943093381596544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682035695584262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947133624090693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726681922412451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891424113897972,0.0,0.0,0.07496216955093732,0.07896065664253518,0.0,0.0,0.05697828732459095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22221961529582096,0.0,0.0,0.05058627016461383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07711280793632551,0.0,0.07738934476735376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17480320958362552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OpalMagnus,2019/03/25,"How I feel in control with PTSD? So I’ve heard part of healing from PTSD includes regaining control of your life. Now, my problem is I feel very unsafe in this world and my family doesn’t make me feel any better. I explain to them that I feel like I could be sexually assaulted at any moment if I’m not on my toes. And they just agree with me and tell me “that’s what being a woman is”. So how do I feel like I have control in a world that feels so unsafe? Sure I can try to take control of things unrelated to the trauma, but how do I ride this fine between protecting myself and not being hyper-vigilant 24/7. ",5.368830146231723,4.698863858267721,6.5376827896512975,80.50503937007876,67.8976377952756,9.461867266591675,29.95388076490439,8.841846274778883,2.1563597300337465,478,15,101,7,7,162,79,127,0.05,0.851,0.099,0.5993,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,5,8,8,1,0,3,0,11,3,1,8,1,29,22,12,0,3,5,0,6,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,7,6,0,5,7,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,1,7,19,5,15,17,1,10,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,4,72,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19472402884277928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266241876281302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6423192442197635,0.11431136204798548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349700204116028,0.0,0.4343530364054604,0.20456451514243626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10112676814415787,0.13989342272366487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556856392501753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15504155464393074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699647200707404,0.3347213106733519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493811637481118,0.0,0.10764768617093852,0.0,0.1251388247288881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511725652522894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972045345531266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181320699284996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway6146587,2019/03/25,"How to deliver bad news to my wife who cannot handle stress well (likely due to probable PTSD) My wife and I have been involved in a legal conflict for while now. My wife also has a very hard time dealing with stress. She has been diagnosed with probable PTSD and has been in therapy a few times with different therapists (at my recommendation), but each time it only lasts for a few weeks before it goes wrong. Each time she ends up worse than she got in and no longer has any trust in therapists (she is continuously stressed and depressed for months after such attempts before she stabilizes). She is also unemployed due to disability and limited in the activities she can do, which adds to the problem. She is reasonably stable right now, though she still gets stressed and depressed on days (sometimes including angry outbursts) where are several tasks for her to do (and she doesn't allow me to take over because it makes her feel irrelevant). Unfortunately she is also quite isolated, and she has no people she would trust to discuss her issue/the legal issue with. She also doesn't fully speak up with her doctors because of earlier bad experiences (in her youth) and because she is worried they might contact CPS about her mental health (if that were to happen I'm afraid she might commit suicide). The legal conflict was devastatingly stressful for her so I have taken control of the situation and basically made sure she hasn't had to deal with it at all. It has dragged on for years at this point. Originally we expected it would go in our favor, but there is now a surprising turn where at this point our lawyer essentially recommends us not to let this go to court and to make a choice: either spend thousands to delay the issue (with a tiny chance it might resolve it) or give in to our opponents (whose guts she hates with a fire that puts the fires of hell to shame) and spend tens of thousands. Obviously I cannot make this decision without informing her, but I know doing so will devastate her and make her extremely miserable for months if not longer (especially if it further drags out). There is not going to be any good solution, but does anyone have a recommendation how I can soften the blow? Especially perspectives from people with similar mental health issues would be incredibly valuable.",11.019503546099294,8.780926423167852,10.201004728132386,63.78250000000001,57.817966903073284,13.655319148936169,40.99408983451536,12.161744961471696,4.9311267139479895,1859,74,317,45,18,596,218,423,0.205,0.6940000000000001,0.10099999999999999,-0.9954,3,0,0,0,0,2,43.0,5,0,1,5,20,26,2,8,16,0,43,5,1,11,4,73,62,31,1,8,13,3,4,1,0,7,4,1,0,0,18,27,0,5,6,0,2,4,11,16,1,3,9,5,44,10,60,43,6,51,1,3,0,0,47,24,1,7,24,236,62,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24289833583898074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327577362409317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053094985875011935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680383655196414,0.13886642295986745,0.0,0.12922889012718605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516670651108854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897130264773023,0.156569733496328,0.13080409856954756,0.07707165477293088,0.0,0.07933511858454492,0.0,0.07772191182180033,0.06645056477035241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725519779360148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427825694976455,0.0,0.0,0.0383946331014669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03967250611163326,0.07284304181030261,0.1294655347797155,0.0636900374861062,0.06073154811882945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714839728602247,0.0,0.068022163661148,0.07496934087342401,0.0,0.16142909166189265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23776685336761805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04173147222255237,0.0618965400675912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764790467511823,0.0,0.03709763387335677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185081350595215,0.20274677824109288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304770715057026,0.24166268522558546,0.0,0.0,0.12121997115950722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775141093028485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052864814280161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14356480104126002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373990672012415,0.07265881213728104,0.17752612512024196,0.07633488395799694,0.0,0.08076541072616514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807304512043152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484742570571743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578407690611085,0.0,0.0,0.08535326681051758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07510090458045365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060641181818745685,0.0,0.4349120744330132,0.0,0.0,0.08305973347732525,0.0,0.07156712216158166,0.0,0.057093098033234965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683742069705264,0.1763310095722984,0.0,0.0,0.0746050048504971,0.0,0.17711146298986175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259464759982661,0.0,0.0,0.09133954068128414,0.0,0.0,0.06265370013236388,0.0,0.0,0.06090986671026239,0.0,0.06827400072012726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073197897237757,0.0,0.0,0.07711490623161217,0.07738347737802334,0.16182451541866916,0.0830221706267016,0.0,0.04889916068921553 ptsd,isapink99,2019/03/25,yikes hooked up w my ex and right before i was abt to cum i started disasociating and curled up into a ball and started whispering nononono. my body is so dumb i hate everything ,1.1791428571428604,3.827837200000001,3.3228571428571456,83.70714285714288,91.28571428571428,6.2285714285714295,24.142857142857146,7.554174236665415,1.5613999999999997,142,6,28,3,5,48,28,35,0.22699999999999998,0.773,0.0,-0.8489,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,5,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,4,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3344399148872236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43656816230591583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532303728986149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880361420141081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356458066355125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.556377867668881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rockiestyle18,2019/03/25,"Will I be normal again? I’m pretty new to this thread so sorry if this post doesn’t make sense. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years and have been through ups and downs. But right before I got with him, I was sexually assaulted by a friends uncle. I blamed it on myself, and thought I could deal with it but I brought that trauma into my relationship. Now almost 2 years later, during my relationship my boyfriend has somewhat emotionally cheated on me in the past year and has said inappropriate things to other girls on social media and things like that. It pretty much devastated me. Now I feel like I have trauma from being cheated on as well as my sexual assault. My bf is extremely supportive in fixing things and has even gone to therapy himself. But we’re still struggling with our relationship especially sexually because whenever we do have sex I cry pretty hysterically after. Sometimes I can’t pinpoint why but sometimes I feel like deep down I feel like I have to have sex in order to keep him around. Which kind’ve relates back to my assault. But I also feel like I put up this barrier now and when we have sex I feel very emotional and hurt that I’m not normal again yet. Even though it’s been almost half a year since the cheating.",4.5924787071412965,6.435094908713694,5.367630487005896,79.17131469753221,70.86721991701245,8.061236077746234,28.036907621751475,8.6894789155246,2.172107053941909,1007,37,185,18,19,327,136,241,0.203,0.6679999999999999,0.129,-0.9765,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,3,0,0,0,16,18,6,1,4,0,21,3,0,1,0,39,36,20,0,4,7,0,5,5,2,1,0,1,0,1,15,16,0,2,6,0,0,3,3,10,1,1,9,6,32,8,30,23,2,37,0,1,0,3,15,15,0,5,22,135,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970380445212208,0.0,0.0,0.07907321790471453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880229589005108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603157576556807,0.0,0.06027550516516227,0.0,0.0841384454390445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07894655342405628,0.0,0.10861355022765913,0.0,0.1019395428237544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22245033728445107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061682697027532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499800732777715,0.28255569934647834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763933970285841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908228636484854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585163616522672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788788423362273,0.0,0.10296689450302247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415355607015647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660022643628337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07268718232109851,0.0,0.0,0.0954976129687622,0.0,0.0,0.19376015934624427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09439085646321274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469841079157013,0.3017853931027645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940035022624663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184759862124318,0.0,0.0844418238713199,0.09405623583051832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179343819185013,0.0,0.0,0.10079432805390222,0.0,0.0,0.19558701947363014,0.1106865494742732,0.0,0.0,0.07896461484415929,0.0,0.0,0.10336943020710007,0.0,0.0,0.11220631631520436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307634966446667,0.0,0.19707173738337028,0.0,0.09714776817962734,0.07849860049137933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158523879533286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890377807689988,0.0,0.089222598902049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546984260015153 ptsd,domino682,2019/03/25,Smart watch? Does anyone have any experience with wearing a smart watch to help you realize when you've been triggered? Like something that beeps and displays something on the screen to make you aware?,6.607619047619046,9.382441,4.46857142857143,83.80476190476192,67.57142857142857,6.9523809523809526,31.666666666666664,7.793537801064563,2.2528095238095247,165,7,27,2,3,46,29,35,0.0,0.722,0.278,0.879,0,0,2,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,2,0,5,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,3,4,2,0,2,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,2,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735892894530135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813093322725493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3520702321813627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935431288011885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696645389920282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19655171654762504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685496561844581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6194464133028046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Jeff_B2000,2019/03/25,"I think I have PTSD.... and I hate it. I think I have PTSD... and I can't live with it. I'm an 18 years old dude who lives with his parents. Two/three years ago, I got into a little fight with my dad, and I wasn't even trying to harm/hurt him! I was just yelling and defending myself! I don't know what he was thinking, but he got so angry and so mad, that/so he suddenly grabbed a knife and stabbed me in my thigh, but it doesn't/didn't stop there! he let me bleed and didn't help me at all, he didn't even call an ambulance or 911 either! I was the one who did, it was like he didn't care at all. And it's been haunting me since then. ""Fun fact: He's been bullying and abusing me since the day I was born (Physically and mentally)"" So please help me... I'm really sick of this shit.",0.21971491228070408,1.7867709239766114,2.2412828947368446,98.0292927631579,82.4502923976608,5.912426900584795,18.874634502923968,6.9077264865688965,-0.1407400584795324,592,14,152,7,16,198,97,171,0.266,0.6629999999999999,0.071,-0.9907,1,0,0,0,2,0,36.0,0,0,0,0,7,7,4,0,6,0,17,4,2,0,3,27,27,17,0,0,5,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,9,14,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,14,2,23,3,9,12,3,14,0,0,0,0,17,5,1,1,10,89,32,0,0.0,0.18556662585757067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388323370506145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992440812311093,0.0,0.15968240834577554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100560227216226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2068893192477903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25052331724924976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15462777213295534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099553819659041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676627235208543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607311338772973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16015243525986275,0.0,0.07651560505148708,0.15697230169773105,0.2765929869711212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783402729060705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434416196403198,0.0,0.1061283564729036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1739056666247188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191944561645833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36615593658594187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033345052879744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16076604509448572,0.2591119251472721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093959471846195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30106331918229745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633328758811593,0.0,0.15299295119834214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20171361221678166 ptsd,Momifier,2019/03/25,"Sharing Thoughts I had Rapid On-set Psychosis back in November of 2017. I would have severe psychotic episodes almost everyday for 2 and a half months. My delusions destroyed my relationship, my thought process even to this day, and ripped through my self esteem. Some people don't realize just how scarring this stuff is they think; oh, you recovered that's good now you're normal again and stuff. In all honesty though you never recover from mental scars this deep you can only move on, and try your best to rationalize thoughts. &#x200B; with that said I'd like to share some experiences I've had post brain injury. I was sitting at a table at work with some guys I didn't know too well just chatting, when one of them for seemingly no reason said something about Paris. (we were talking about skiing so it was very out of place(theres no skiing in paris)) just the smallest thing but it kinda triggered some memories. I just had this overwhelming feeling to fucking run and just go, I was screaming internally. I struggled to make any response to him, he might have been thrown off at my darting glance towards him as he spoke the word Paris. I won't get into why Paris is a bit of a soft spot for me especially talk about going to Paris as it is very much TMI. But it is completely irrational and that's a fact. I have not been diagnosed with PTSD, I am in touch with plenty of doctors however though I don't like to share much with them. I am sure I don't have PTSD aswell but I can get pretty close to the feeling of it I think. Much of what I feel however is impossible to explain as it is mostly deep in my mind. At times the feelings can be absuredly euphoric feelings, I can only describe as this looming gray. Thought I'd share Thanks!",4.792908011869437,6.326288860534126,4.828624332344216,84.45309673590508,69.89020771513353,7.8845816023738875,30.393946587537087,8.364918446050245,2.177906445103857,1394,57,268,21,25,433,191,337,0.07400000000000001,0.805,0.121,0.9523,2,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,1,4,3,2,19,16,2,2,9,0,33,4,1,4,4,59,57,18,0,2,9,0,7,2,0,3,2,4,0,2,18,15,0,0,16,3,0,4,9,5,1,2,17,13,34,11,48,36,11,32,0,1,2,1,26,17,1,9,11,183,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366070019887652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121642810317786,0.12578858421769962,0.07039740359060495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960077700268782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863824489636408,0.0,0.11301743591213187,0.0,0.0,0.11556297265164775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853914166520076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676207663954349,0.0,0.0,0.10507099963626017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059574884283658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837423012590027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012627889195373,0.0,0.0,0.2617150554587191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570291685001403,0.10817024462510916,0.0,0.11766602735099953,0.08682797748733971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102501444844721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05689208977846445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114965058678352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910065291054568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432418785950308,0.1098187566978828,0.10452606651622157,0.0,0.08262897418728732,0.11002577376856837,0.2282981563634404,0.0,0.07984129358342205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10142798620721452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014808395856223,0.1574638171381439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176799229508424,0.0,0.10815675672850722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914390178063906,0.10531743571517772,0.0,0.0,0.2420195528808975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064361848674322,0.0,0.11114213931929487,0.0,0.0,0.19694316153967892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424105974069774,0.10799432612499994,0.1169485557297854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969504078031424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822197067414413,0.23701212039422484,0.0,0.0,0.09756672655805984,0.0,0.0,0.16641150927344472,0.0,0.09530765117375486,0.0,0.0,0.06877433602654164,0.1326633502594899,0.20341648198950885,0.3287344516969544,0.06036356205861959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028353809686602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083029871911018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09307724773738786,0.0,0.09341103518228784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753640645574971,0.0,0.0,0.07353790292417936,0.0,0.12578858421769962,0.0 ptsd,PurpleDynamica,2019/03/25,"Help. Last May, I [17] was talking with my mom [43] and she confessed that her dad used to rape her since she was an 8 year old until she got married. Anyway he did not care and tried to rape her again. She has been telling me little by little but I don’t know what to do. Also she’s depressed not only because of that thing that happened to her but also by the loss of her little sister. When she just told me about it I got stressed and talked with my dad [48] about it, bad idea to do that. I’m angry with my grandparent and I don’t talk to him like I used to do before. What should I do? How can I help her?",-0.17729323308270395,1.6863286766917334,1.6007142857142895,100.50678571428571,85.54135338345864,4.100751879699248,16.26691729323308,4.65589566412798,-1.0908857142857142,466,9,115,1,14,152,77,133,0.18899999999999997,0.752,0.059000000000000004,-0.9634,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,9,8,2,1,2,0,14,2,0,3,0,20,23,11,0,1,5,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,7,0,25,2,17,14,0,9,1,2,0,2,26,3,0,1,7,82,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540648817296534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263327484383258,0.09683360243057096,0.0,0.13516981321758764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619583571889567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13681743729547935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540940189939822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047069985788888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21294787007812135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793225310516317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872999110348419,0.12948410764058946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760617980299724,0.4776288704028626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860434245809257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668655464949095,0.0,0.0,0.12081272880724901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140252003855227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819623578267252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38303330070970737,0.1388420691004082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553300889414892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151788165488999,0.0,0.10784885292424096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743911261479999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022943153091056 ptsd,scbirch,2019/03/25,"I think I might be forgetting something important, but I don’t know what. TW: mention of assault, surgery and bleeding, and miscarriage. This is gonna be a weird one, and my thoughts are a bit tangled in my head but hopefully I can explain it well enough. I am terrified of rape. Terrified. Way beyond what is a healthy dose of fear. I think about how afraid I am all the time. I get crazy anxious when someone is even just near me and walking the same direction. It’s worse with older men who leer, I know that much. That just instantly makes me afraid and uncomfortable. In fact in work once I got a burn, I’m so friendly with the first aider in real life, and he took me to the first aid room and I felt this wave of fear grab me, and he said he was leaving the door open so I felt safe, it’s standard practice, but I was relieved instantly, and annoyed I’d even been afraid. I’ve not been raped. I have been groped, assaulted etc. But not raped. And it’s never been violent when it’s happened. Last year my baby passed in the womb and I needed surgery. Surgery went very, very wrong. I was in so much pain and completely fetal, and blood was pouring out of me. This triggered PTSD. And is particularly worse when I see bleeding from myself ie periods. My fear of rape/assault has only got worse since the PTSD started. I recently went to a specialist miscarriage grief therapist, and it’s shaken loose some feelings and fears. She’s under the impression there’s more trauma in my life I’ve suppressed, and maybe that’s why I’ve kind of fractured and got PTSD from that surgery. I don’t know. I just feel like there’s something important I’m forgetting. The therapist specialises in pregnancy etc so can’t help with this. I feel like I would remember something happening if it’s really bad, and part of me’s just imagining it all or whatever. No clue what I hope to get from saying this. Advice, maybe? For someone to tell me to grow up and get over it? No clue. Just feeling a little lost and a little scared.",2.014415089918572,4.49912168513854,2.991050319254878,90.06244215335953,81.51889168765744,6.715693281002871,25.10157577177669,7.900780265707199,1.5286333430964794,1587,63,323,30,43,504,197,397,0.235,0.638,0.126,-0.9954,0,0,3,0,0,0,52.0,0,0,0,4,20,32,7,8,16,0,25,12,3,3,4,74,60,35,1,5,13,0,7,2,1,3,6,2,2,1,22,26,0,2,15,0,0,6,8,22,1,3,19,10,37,10,35,36,12,38,0,2,1,4,13,18,0,6,15,199,59,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985546935050572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923199128949368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823247138296837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921666260782869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568146944349549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443821510719984,0.1822779614587494,0.10795007993200564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3678291790219311,0.1652795862075882,0.11676102932984835,0.15692730595692062,0.0,0.0,0.13902133835777253,0.0,0.0,0.06313637765362194,0.0,0.1280853897591661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960759421043184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14452878464298324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838679088290877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477494040721533,0.0,0.0,0.16233204818915256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509841151233287,0.13473290217181544,0.0666123993359766,0.0,0.08652928087895334,0.0,0.0,0.11544197226084135,0.0798481595027243,0.16380906058360434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892066214095536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05454848260310826,0.0,0.16419668939360604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669160546115792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201466506820061,0.060594064641600484,0.06302721075129368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702873095618853,0.05537533114786298,0.06215145536250213,0.08695544003540487,0.0,0.0,0.08849438768263636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286577596893898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301482114315496,0.05235168274426665,0.0,0.08068826852123008,0.0,0.09257240203994632,0.0,0.07773407463280857,0.06498672382260208,0.08181559825754132,0.0,0.06511995888248527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675993162254137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848154196164394,0.1887352736530596,0.0,0.0,0.05784156943645186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142655203077976,0.0,0.0,0.1897655605970765,0.0,0.10472526884902188,0.0,0.06487625211967063,0.04765136906996925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907935074874642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485449391956525,0.0,0.06486523263024972,0.0,0.0,0.07347575478803108,0.15150981760130527,0.07373924866058294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059492858479008176,0.0,0.2498378305870953,0.05805127519593194,0.08934757867703627,0.0,0.0526247576272784 ptsd,swanson-j,2019/03/25,"Deserving of PTSD? If I could I would lay in bed day in and day out, but instead I go to school, go to work, and try to make my friends and family happy before anything else. I've had people say they don't believe me when I tell them what happened to me because I'm ""fine"" and ""functioning."" But I can't go a day without looking over my shoulder or wanting to cry because I smell his cologne, or a night without imagining him at the foot of my bed talking to me like he's actually there. Because i go through day to day activities like normal or so everyone thinks, I don't feel supposedly deserving of the title PTSD I was given a few years ago. Anyone else ever feel this way? ",5.2503776978417225,4.958207805755401,6.551717625899283,79.03678507194245,68.06474820143886,9.539928057553956,34.64118705035971,9.188382445141503,2.9581575539568346,531,24,109,9,8,181,88,139,0.03,0.852,0.11800000000000001,0.9171,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,2,1,5,5,0,0,5,0,7,2,2,1,1,23,20,12,0,5,8,0,2,2,1,1,0,1,2,0,2,5,0,0,4,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,3,5,19,5,18,15,1,20,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,4,12,67,21,2,0.0,0.0,0.13084578058726573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885659321482113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375403307829007,0.1373839986994795,0.11033898076804204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24520747104615945,0.0,0.11409485698118373,0.1510657574345374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10705445857804252,0.0,0.147284008098547,0.4323625906154572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.224018478368469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212858558386619,0.0,0.12812216441422308,0.0,0.0,0.12640162972921312,0.0,0.13559290552586215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035922836796124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3048101016245157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856925765321147,0.1427339714400208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310124764502804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259604868511025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950152185028662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258279223779742,0.13137298623657673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295635077232964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134719772967655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662827643634094,0.0,0.13569927288175376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777093056311307,0.11719455431578216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859150474117293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09103363507773883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908569645134471,0.1064289373147368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585026802736071,0.0,0.09761410618581626,0.0,0.0,0.09524879936971237,0.0,0.0,0.08634513133781492 ptsd,Wiccan-Whatever,2019/03/25,I think I have ptsd but I also don’t think I do???? All my symptoms match up but my “trauma” I feel like isn’t nearly as bad as other people’s. I feel like I don’t deserve to have it???? ,-3.3522923588039863,-1.883859186046509,0.5266445182724233,102.2279069767442,105.97674418604653,2.4571428571428573,10.794019933554818,3.1291,-1.982332890365449,137,2,36,0,7,50,26,43,0.214,0.638,0.14800000000000002,-0.6007,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,7,10,5,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,9,2,5,10,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538385218486561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650302096464478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209914758694294,0.4535260038895358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31014814536195084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22005720808272905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710438693158804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32991813984121304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067764129860457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FluffyCuntWaffle,2019/03/25,"Need input: are some partners toxic? I have posted here before. I delete my posts often - don’t want to read them after a while. I am having some conflicts with my partner - all stemming from a sexual assault that occurred about 4 years ago. I recently experienced my first public trigger - about a week ago. It was during an event for my SO, and when I tried to get out of a crowded and loud bar because I was becoming overwhelmed I was told that I was “ruining” the event for them, even though I was trying to be discreet and isolate myself and my feelings of being overwhelmed. A year ago, when I first shared the details of my assault, my partner reacted...poorly. They became angry and suggested that I “look for a new place to live.” That, coupled with a new job opportunity, I relocated out of state and essentially stopped communicating my issues with my SO. I don’t think their intentions were bad, but as I am unpacking the enormity of what happened to me, I am digging through some old stuff. This is what I landed on, and this is why I’m here. During that time my partner has been working furiously on stuff related to work. I didn’t want to burden them with my pain, and had limited access to mental health professionals to deal with my issues. Flash forward to recently, and my partner didn’t even think that going to a town associated with my attack could be a cause of my issues. Now I’m sitting here, the evening before my first appointment with a trauma therapist, and I need to know: is my partner toxic? Not in the classical sense, but in the sense that a plant may not be toxic to some, but toxic to a pet. Their inherent nature is not designed to be emotionally supportive of someone dealing with the long term issues of sexual violence, the shame, and all the emotional vomit that comes from it. I feel like I have been apologizing non stop the last week for what happened, and there has been almost nothing from my partner in the way of support for me. I feel adrift in my own emotional vomit, and unable to rely on them. Any input is appreciated, and don’t assume the traditional gender roles on this one. I am being vague for many reasons. 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(I just panicked rn) On December 3rd 2016, I was waiting for the bus to go home after taking the SATs I was waiting around plenty of other people at that stop, then one of those people tapped on my shoulder, I looked back and he started to fight me, he was a older guy, around in the 40s, it was one sided and he put me to the ground. I was yelling for help and then he just ran away. I didn't know at the time, that I should of stayed there and get help but, I didn't have my phone ( it was stolen by 4 teens on this day) , so I waited for the bus and went in, the guy that just assaulted me was waiting for the same bus at the next stop. Luckily, the people who witnessed the attack shouted at the bus driver to not let him in. While I'm thankful that they have helped me there, I wish that they did something at the stop( I think the bystander effect was happening) Today, my mother made me type out her paper for college and was about the bystander effect. This brought me back to what had happened to me before. And I panicked and I refused to go and do her paper and quickly when to my room I don't think my mom meant to do that, she still has a lot of nerve to make type out her paper about tramua that I and others have faced",4.429906015037592,4.325270665413537,4.956156015037597,89.14032424812035,69.78947368421052,7.2515037593984975,26.023496240601506,5.985473137389443,0.7224443609022555,991,25,219,4,16,317,128,266,0.115,0.8240000000000001,0.06,-0.9224,0,0,1,0,2,0,27.0,0,0,2,3,15,6,5,0,19,0,22,2,2,5,0,42,47,18,0,2,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,16,16,0,8,7,0,0,6,4,5,0,2,19,3,34,1,40,26,2,44,0,0,1,0,22,19,0,1,18,163,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470382542063862,0.0,0.15785098036942105,0.13036252522936986,0.21338418949215213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11806814342831763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894838728274028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249244556908459,0.0,0.15771246728035476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27477354560529965,0.24539672495662526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790085937309002,0.0,0.13918005363328004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625473596496722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14188381463413285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651714001278644,0.0,0.0,0.11796239920943452,0.0,0.13129095430770735,0.09261835983207443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250523111959178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756483978132534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880445468443079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885805034324314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948456910628138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681844024510684,0.0,0.0,0.09820972162132986,0.14789168527091426,0.11080791215635673,0.3480098661345574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432459925517687,0.0,0.0,0.12774464436085678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781397705124713,0.0,0.0,0.08090768865423786,0.0,0.13152112998042348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862494184109585,0.0,0.0,0.15955850780424008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sharpie76,2018/11/16,"Deciding the right type of therapy? I am starting up therapy as soon as I can to deal with ptsd and anxiety issues. I don’t really know what to expect from it at all, but I really wanna address all the guilt and shame I have over witnessing a traumatic event, as well as deal with anxiety, which I was diagnosed with before the event. I’ve been considering two different clinics, one of which is more talk therapy, the other offers EMDR. From what I’ve read about EMDR, I’m a little intimidated. I know it’s supposed to be really helpful but I can’t help but be nervous about what it entails. Anyone who has been in the position have any insight? I want to at least start therapy before I get back to work- I ended up quitting an amazing internship and moving back home for a month after a roommate situation triggered a lot of anxiety for me, and now I’m terrified that I’ll get another job and end up messing everything up because when I get anxious, I feel like I need to run away and lie in bed forever, and I know I can’t keep doing that. I just feel like all my mental stuff is so debilitating it’s ruining my life. 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Hello, I was beaten my whole life by my father, I had to watch him beat me, my sister and my mother for as long as I can think, theres nothing I could do to stop him. My mother killed herself when I was 12. I never really dealt with it. I had no one to talk to. I think I never had a close relationship with anyone, I kind of live in my own world and its full of pain. I feel like I have multiple personalities, and one of them is me laying in my bed shivering uncontrollaby, hurting myself, sweating and shaking my head. I also feel like there are thoughts intruding my mind and I am physicially shaking them off but I cant really see the thoughts or comprehend them in anyway. I often scream or whimper into my pillow and say things like „Can somebody please love me“ Can I have PTSD without having explicit flashbacks of a traumatic situation??? I cant remember anything before I was 12. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. My sister is like a stranger for me (she moved out a year after this so I dont really have any memories of her and me) I dont know if these type of questions are allowed here but I hope they are ",2.5617045933417586,4.683152030973453,4.479709228824273,82.11343657817113,77.36283185840708,7.31361146228403,25.80615254951538,8.269060116576782,1.8424878213232199,893,34,172,17,21,304,127,226,0.107,0.792,0.10099999999999999,0.6608,1,0,0,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,4,2,8,14,2,2,5,0,24,5,2,1,3,37,34,17,1,3,7,5,2,4,0,0,2,2,2,1,5,12,0,1,9,0,0,3,9,7,0,2,8,6,48,7,26,25,3,19,0,1,2,1,21,9,0,6,11,136,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617540902418936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817839260716149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409167507920555,0.0,0.09896736614593143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023361590584399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602134917233376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28189799680567657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216186032765618,0.17183384385285774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234259858166487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11944969987395727,0.0,0.0,0.12874554335625918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305475626396746,0.1252368811740025,0.06609417715971802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494631277828385,0.2350204730238999,0.0,0.10619568156930972,0.1064302225521614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854332974693433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143277536531524,0.0,0.0,0.12782204014498222,0.0,0.0,0.185510661440364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461908485017051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629885598024564,0.0,0.12796981656430642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501024814382974,0.0,0.13201421266811708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811653301278597,0.0,0.13472366832283916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311333909030471,0.0,0.0,0.12911897373930156,0.1362361377637297,0.0,0.0,0.0956390896683122,0.0,0.0,0.0958351678684368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13518224105897586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054643581392092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666398103993132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989833326707707,0.15412116181345714,0.0,0.1909530232899428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342709241770572,0.0,0.2318612083441733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744634007443266 ptsd,strawbs328,2018/11/16,"upset I experienced something traumatic which my ex-boyfriend is at fault for. He later broke up with me because of the mental health issues that came with this trauma. I just found out he has a new girlfriend, and I'm feeling extremely angry over this. I'm angry that I have to live with what he did to me for the rest of my life and he gets to go on and live his life like nothing ever happened.",3.5785185185185178,4.801042098765431,4.534259259259262,86.5991666666667,72.45679012345678,6.881481481481483,25.84567901234568,7.1686216300943375,1.1163975308641976,314,10,64,3,6,102,57,81,0.244,0.7120000000000001,0.044000000000000004,-0.9598,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,3,0,4,3,0,0,1,12,12,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,6,8,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,3,2,8,1,15,9,1,10,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,42,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15067517170302927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827015748780656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22358332406029027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249787632978112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27101388466065085,0.0,0.0,0.12913838081623308,0.0,0.14047486258212147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2185754354797197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627347445002872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25798577289492397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3491730650317366,0.12075688783154385,0.0,0.4365189072240659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490935792340343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387224991623003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371704270295699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902868679112606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_ImSalty,2018/11/16,Why can’t attackers stay hidden My attacker friended me on Facebook today after 15 years of having absolutely no contact with him. I have been on edge all day and I’ve done everything I learned to cope with it but I just can’t. Seeing his name makes my skin crawl he deserves the worst! I had to go to an emergency therapy appointment but that still isn’t enough! I know I’m not the same little girl he attacked and I’m a strong woman but this little thing makes me feel like a speck of dust ,1.9470297029702976,4.148786524752482,3.4202871287128715,88.53003465346536,79.79207920792079,6.812277227722772,22.971287128712873,7.908726449838941,1.2017398019801986,393,13,81,7,10,129,75,101,0.182,0.73,0.08800000000000001,-0.8789,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,2,7,3,0,5,0,8,1,1,2,1,17,16,5,0,0,5,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,3,3,11,3,10,13,4,11,0,0,1,0,9,4,0,0,6,51,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6305229375719844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11914535728235046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18905846093113501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19089115607065246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16603705502517335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341271379904902,0.13198199325078824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273366751194558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499494304544987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015311192279452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025716293409204,0.3703264086048344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24663768396305985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721798913642622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19691378037111526,0.14753773910797344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112722136238222,0.0,0.12273648829079865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511682861470115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16670378935330846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896983858144695 ptsd,grimbogrumpo,2018/11/16,recently started therapy for sexual assault related ptsd i was in two different sexually abusive relationships over the course of 5 years and last year i was raped by one of my best friends of ten years. all three of these people are out of my life now. it took a long time but i’m finally in therapy for it. ive just spent so long pretending it didnt happen i dont even know where to start. im emotionally disconnected from all of it. i can talk about the events and What happened but i can’t talk about my feelings because i dont... have them? i have trauma nightmares and i have panic attacks but once they are over i just feel annoyed that i let myself react that way. i guess i’m just asking to anyone else who has gone through therapy how can u best use that time? i feel like most of my therapy sessions im not talking about anything that matters and i’m not using it wisely but my therapist says i have to make the decision to tackle this and she can’t make me talk about things i’m not ready to talk about. i just want my life back. ,1.7842104097452918,3.898842725581397,3.4958803986710976,88.23403100775194,79.88372093023256,7.071982281284607,24.19158361018826,8.11559375814309,1.4249490586932445,826,30,175,16,21,275,123,215,0.121,0.794,0.086,-0.8179,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,2,15,11,4,1,4,0,18,3,0,6,2,34,40,11,0,1,11,0,3,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,14,6,0,0,5,1,1,2,8,6,0,4,6,4,26,5,27,33,5,24,0,0,0,1,13,6,0,2,16,119,40,1,0.0,0.11696813062725875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902795283836119,0.10115123447600392,0.08123889405727272,0.0,0.09229072075091768,0.11230928236781954,0.0,0.07591028302268606,0.0,0.06017934799261303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20720300046549586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314233507795482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23140033315310396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246864935840766,0.11104773175963707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652042273424052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14974876888826236,0.07052623495927063,0.0,0.108143927064071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627152707428718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10875220783308084,0.0,0.17459714225905926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21327103810724896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05425442815325125,0.08047071447954234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094881491312613,0.1394589908389646,0.0482300480774784,0.0,0.0,0.17472979045754766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179394264743916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513454296953947,0.06689584081087295,0.0,0.0,0.11582771256302145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0684406460869828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539945618616584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747498487888473,0.10598930775750587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850682680431653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397503307362619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3967406237364048,0.0,0.0,0.4515838384130453,0.1146225807588511,0.06558578331836895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512990834178825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968255895976883,0.0,0.0,0.09643598043622788,0.0,0.0,0.17052633230685535,0.0,0.0,0.0582281481189581,0.0783600600889749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19071908028207127 ptsd,Dontstopmenow7,2018/11/16,"Obsessive thoughts—any advice? Hi everyone, So I’ve been really trying to master my emotions. I’ve been able to control my resentment and anger a considerable amount, but I’ve found as soon as the sun goes down, and there isn’t sunlight, my mind goes only down dark paths. I’m unsure if this is a side effect of the PTSD. I haven’t experienced before, but I’m also in the house of the incident of a very traumatic experience, surrounded by people who contributed to it. When the sun goes down, I think endlessly of death and of how fleeting youth is. I’ve never been the type of person to dwell on the inevitable or one to really fear death. And I wouldn’t even say that’s what occupies my mind. More so the idea of residing in eternity and the pointlessness of life. I’ve been going in between feeling urgency and frustration at the lack of focus I’ve found I suffer from following the traumatic event and then extreme apathy, wondering what the point of any of this is. When the sun is out, I feel cheerful and as long as I’m outside the house I’m fine. But every night I feel like I’m suffocating and I feel very isolated and anxious. I also have difficulty falling asleep (but I have since I’ve had PTSD) and I’m sure that may be contributing to my bad mood. Any advice?",4.475010979358807,5.660057162055337,5.796014492753624,78.54252415458939,70.26482213438734,9.890996925779538,28.680061484409308,10.125756701596842,2.890701537110234,1014,37,197,27,18,341,133,253,0.23399999999999999,0.7070000000000001,0.059000000000000004,-0.9946,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,10,13,3,3,17,0,16,2,1,3,2,38,32,29,2,3,6,0,4,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,8,12,0,1,11,0,0,3,4,8,0,1,7,6,14,4,33,22,3,25,0,1,0,0,4,12,0,4,11,120,22,1,0.12730108668660234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487942971654747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20360526606132007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597073128614777,0.0,0.0,0.1438139931421503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629109001336974,0.0,0.0,0.10832384860222777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277899335013666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14319658826459192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840811671513583,0.0,0.10725665598431047,0.12164164369726915,0.0,0.12452488994287192,0.0,0.14324911433122675,0.2574690175937021,0.09094392176486857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791581417378801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234814121869003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937767245305395,0.0,0.14370743172764675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991652226714501,0.062192880728811364,0.0,0.0,0.11265745578606333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25707561618584884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818244591576657,0.0,0.0,0.11946344624326405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08626251091686021,0.09681821283182504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08825454480685342,0.11115439866292742,0.0,0.0,0.1203406742663869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29761631600393545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16310467172411966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123493362467292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530477440028947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199797676556447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156939615618446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642908159740892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21007345712953066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805259821082774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,frankyfriday,2019/04/08,"Writing out my traumas... I’ve repressed them for so long and I’m struggling with putting myself back in those emotions. It’s too painful. I recently started therapy and am tasked with writing out my traumas with sensory details and detailing how I felt and how it’s affected my life. I’m about half way through writing my experiences and I’m having major flashbacks and shaking. Truthfully, I’ve never let myself think about those things. When the traumas happened, I immediately shut down my emotions, and to this day, 7 years later, I’ve never thought about how it’s affected me, or how they made me feel. I stick to the facts of what happened. If I go any deeper than that, I shut down and start going into panic mode. I don’t KNOW how it all made me feel. I don’t want to know... As I write this, I’m filled with frustration, anger, hate, loss of hope... but I can’t get past these emotions without physically shutting down.. I can’t get to the deeper parts of myself. My brain won’t let me. This is so fucking hard. I feel so so alone and like no matter what I write will be wrong because I just don’t fucking know what I feel. I just don’t know, and I want to scream. I’m not sure what the point of this post is... I guess I’m just ranting, but any support or advice on how to get through this process, this first step to recovery, would be greatly appreciated.",2.9824749163879614,4.773602523809527,3.9512183468705215,87.87530339225994,75.04395604395604,6.652587991718428,27.98678133460742,7.423996415210882,1.4862579710144934,1071,44,220,13,23,345,137,273,0.161,0.773,0.066,-0.9626,0,1,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,0,2,2,19,22,5,4,4,0,17,5,1,10,6,66,53,27,0,5,10,0,6,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,19,17,0,1,11,0,0,6,12,16,0,2,4,7,33,6,32,42,3,33,0,1,0,2,7,12,2,5,14,144,52,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058435161608184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720568385835707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15391330712396972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701754761702878,0.0,0.06898484725638493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633050648664645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729826064737664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38188902351751497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11069790884505354,0.0,0.0,0.2288802010030976,0.0,0.10865695563026996,0.0,0.0,0.09625880786960048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092399958307804,0.17737344596698953,0.0,0.12862951246790566,0.0,0.0,0.12476574093144464,0.12466493400826822,0.0,0.20014436167738095,0.0,0.1013743668957884,0.11172784072992904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239921599305147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24877195011112224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23143948247328636,0.07993238131074862,0.05528711444665957,0.0,0.0,0.10014820954302843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21416051292921587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456094846827958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041643526756675,0.1327757332996912,0.0,0.12254757956017882,0.10802960170423576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697829965081072,0.0,0.10838159524301468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376292838690355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173761709770763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019873164883222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830550958099373,0.0,0.0,0.12841925705966245,0.10665746734880392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941500346680349,0.0,0.07518235732569603,0.07251210247514248,0.0,0.08984103824429901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13349629193395549,0.08982577838667545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908783389404114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038976766703097,0.12372908376631242,0.0,0.07287509231988737 ptsd,Luciano1994,2019/04/08,"What does dissociation from your body mean? I’ve been trying to help a friend who has PTSD and I read that those who have PTSD often dissociate from their body and feelings, but I have a hard time grasping what this really is. Maybe if I understand it more, I could provide better help. Do you feel separated from your body? She often says things that are alien to me. Like how “everything is swirling” or that emotions and feelings comes uncontrollably or how she hates her feelings and how she wants to “step out of her body...” Thanks!",4.837499999999999,6.821580350000001,4.5070000000000014,85.01350000000002,70.5,7.800000000000002,25.5,8.472884824447931,1.5414999999999992,425,13,83,7,8,129,67,100,0.078,0.7490000000000001,0.174,0.8956,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,1,5,6,1,1,2,0,9,4,4,3,0,24,19,11,0,3,4,0,5,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,11,6,0,0,7,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,6,14,4,8,17,1,4,0,0,0,0,15,1,0,5,2,58,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974110856203475,0.0,0.6517868413662725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636602146879505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712519630844205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837507145513266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16501378650040754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184133023475578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966965764657278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133373305808584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141122503188454,0.1448323957039404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19665510626972896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166848642697049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737632374303689,0.15979546384847662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429606516697633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467361704205674,0.0,0.09397751651516847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166589227157961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350584023752463,0.0,0.0,0.09745861778955342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855398926834659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995972752632102,0.0,0.0,0.15271620116390294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652538012044543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LurkerLion,2019/04/08,"Filed for disability I should've filed a while ago :( but it took a bit to come to terms with it. I've been living off kindness of family and friends and it's gotta end. I've tried and failed jobs. The longest job I've ever had was only a year. I hope I don't have to be on it forever. But for now I really need to get my shit fixed. I stopped trying to get jobs because I'm scared of failing one again. Just thinking about it right now is setting off my anxiety. I was gonna leave this out but I feel like I have to justify myself. I think the last couple jobs just retraumatized me. One of them the manager was the spitting image of my abuser. I had flashbacks and panic attacks daily. It didn't help they were a mean cunt too, who called my PTSD 'bullshit'. I'd try and compose myself in the bathroom at work, but it would take up to an hour sometimes. So then I started getting in trouble for that and told I can't just stay in there all day. I'd have tons of sick days. They were lenient enough to not fire me for them but part of me wished they did. Finally one day I was doing my best to stay together, before I realized that the problem that day was because it was an anniversary, but I just had it. I had been called back and yelled at about whether I wanted the job still or to just sign a resignation letter. I just said ""ok"" and walked out. My SO wasn't happy with that decision :( Then the latest job I was only there for a couple months. It started out okay, but then I just got worse and worse. I had tons of sick days because my flashbacks were causing extreme fatigue and muscle pain afterwards. Once I finally got back I had the worst one to date. I felt off all day and then anxious, and then nausea. I had a flashback out of nowhere. I puked and dropped to the ground, and this scared a customer outside the place to come back in. A cop stayed with me until my (very pissed) manager came in at like 2am to take over so I could leave. It was humiliating... It's been like a year since then and I only just started feeling okay enough to even go near the place. I'm only 23, I feel like such a piece of shit. And while I know it's really hard to get disability, and I guess even harder for mental health problems. I just sorta wish someone in my life would kindly say something to me like ""hey, it's okay to do this"". Because I feel like it's not? Like I'm acting or not worth it. This was dumb sorry",2.157086890533108,3.708786770916337,3.4805919180421188,91.39695883134131,76.70916334661355,6.374577878960348,23.30696262568773,7.07126945348624,0.6507289318914817,1877,57,417,20,42,613,221,502,0.21600000000000005,0.675,0.10800000000000001,-0.9964,6,0,1,0,1,0,57.0,0,0,5,4,28,35,6,3,25,4,37,10,4,1,3,78,75,39,0,10,22,0,7,7,1,4,6,3,0,0,25,27,0,1,11,0,1,7,7,18,0,4,32,10,54,17,59,37,12,76,0,4,0,0,15,24,5,5,47,278,79,11,0.0,0.07699487933774289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057603995276572076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049712237092225546,0.07341291350128164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07392816828008339,0.0,0.14990501388239386,0.0,0.1584534731800003,0.0,0.055296213906673886,0.0,0.0681962254748613,0.0,0.07094520488072044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271093818400126,0.07432386820367039,0.0,0.0667560053318674,0.0,0.1119551467974185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05188407609092199,0.14380612185102928,0.0,0.25145407877438875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057556136245857724,0.1342907545617376,0.0,0.08584204243697251,0.05878134041935568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061260706578662484,0.0,0.13143053958027245,0.13927278109980015,0.062394397789972376,0.14237260304589947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050206128733509714,0.0,0.13580488895346166,0.0,0.036931648424617165,0.0,0.10394656093872237,0.0,0.07158670549762408,0.0,0.0,0.06917619623992438,0.05821249580491963,0.0,0.0,0.0690744737845444,0.0,0.0,0.043557103078390086,0.0,0.0,0.06454332677803974,0.06399570579372423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869168713439599,0.0,0.0,0.13534073262311305,0.0357132590458304,0.05297026564713191,0.0,0.13761639094534056,0.0,0.0,0.045899802427496125,0.2222337570571988,0.0,0.057381664291975214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078613540561429,0.0,0.0,0.0654881330652514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05186924880651614,0.0,0.0,0.048184478155729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920535881661757,0.17613813827096228,0.19769166904213464,0.0691470777821235,0.07624419322538341,0.0,0.07037085093101912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13578795525504406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243609602835304,0.07596229124161406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326025093470746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0554955957540355,0.06181423615092607,0.05167752638750616,0.13011973797618046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340935835258186,0.05375506322725585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05506035016044646,0.05002751080401956,0.0642703915537512,0.07274376278743093,0.1379870712827385,0.20779145058863294,0.051895946147995926,0.05432915670740815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771908304198344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327766851514612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062094565847111836,0.07219911395757755,0.13235869234993394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361823352586328,0.038328980846639264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494557485530316,0.0,0.0,0.047308797598561776,0.0,0.13244757619526304,0.0923248974345984,0.0,0.0,0.08369454993125719 ptsd,megamose,2019/04/08,So tired of this It’s one of those mornings where it seems like I will never be ok. My reaction to minor things is scary. I woke up late this morning and being rushed made me want to die. I’m tired of feeling that way. Waking up late shouldn’t make me feel dying. Driving to work shouldn’t make me want to crash my car into a ditch. Anyone have any words of encouragement or have felt this way and got better? ,1.725088235294116,3.6887699058823533,2.713750000000001,94.530625,79.35294117647058,5.191176470588236,17.683823529411768,5.985473137389443,-0.459088235294117,322,6,71,2,8,102,61,85,0.188,0.685,0.128,-0.8305,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,1,8,3,1,3,1,17,20,4,2,4,1,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,4,3,7,4,11,11,0,12,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,4,42,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12697640025114726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13055937401802686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513918313314555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875729742666648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1888230755039524,0.0,0.1792810426335339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933750852115218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212579041513653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122224587190024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667953158714336,0.24927487986946226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440104255772714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652670029384722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16998340721935545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404885937410468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4292156879090921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22026527677683927,0.29642021739187424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359348092076959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MereOfDeath,2019/04/08,"How to expand your support network I have PTSD which over the years has also turned into panic disorder and agoraphobia. As of right now I can't leave the house without my husband without having days of panic attacks and anxiety. When I'm with my husband there are days I just am not comfortable going out, but I can usually get out of the house for at least a few hours. My husband will soon be out of the country for work for some time. I'm terrified I'm going to be house bound the entire time he's gone. Luckily there's amazon and grocery delivery so I won't go without, but some days I'm even terrified to walk to my mailbox. I'm trying to expand my list of safe people to include my friend/neighbor. So far I've been able to spend an hour or two at her house without my husband there and I only have a couple hours of panic after, but I would love to be able to go with her to a movie or to lunch and not suffer for days. I'm seeing a fabulous therapist (via tele-health because agoraphobia) who is also helping me with this, but he doesn't have the first-hand experience so I was hoping for some insight from those that have been there. Has anyone else successfully expanded their list of ""safe"" people? If so, how did you do it?",4.765861553784863,5.223490015936253,5.901033366533866,80.69625124501995,69.15936254980079,8.665438247011952,29.23331673306773,8.660442795831766,2.1338065737051792,978,34,194,15,16,327,137,251,0.098,0.742,0.16,0.9576,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,1,2,17,12,1,3,11,0,24,2,0,2,0,37,41,22,0,3,14,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,12,1,3,1,0,1,6,9,5,0,1,5,1,21,7,40,30,5,30,0,1,1,1,14,9,0,7,15,139,27,2,0.19548729199766404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15633111678291864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477362165298251,0.0,0.0,0.06834462993535129,0.10014991613549004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119750805456063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059583619377165775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815148518384823,0.0,0.2521462621566586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11202268642702146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165227404131184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455875633994823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561204132203664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314069535424183,0.0,0.0,0.07551649843510036,0.0,0.05106702081417454,0.0,0.2221998660973689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389692499781153,0.0,0.0,0.06551550556538617,0.0,0.0,0.0970814950003671,0.2887734070521563,0.4511321766781352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349640804441973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821745668067286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433844727948771,0.0,0.3440433256038257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355262741256239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425709156191652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347253962079422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788903094856106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091833116486503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348790659550118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399021203099664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06636151957177593,0.1063170190522182,0.09548133943360976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765081694942057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768855470109305,0.0,0.07115853840835508,0.0,0.0,0.06943428171536363,0.0,0.0,0.06294370337193278 ptsd,monathemantis,2019/04/08,"Will this ever go away? Somebody grabbed my hand today. I went to take blood donations, and I made sure to tell the rest of the crew (never worked with them previously) to try to avoid touching me. One of them missed on that bit, and grabbed my hand at one point. I can't stop crying. It's been years but this has yet to have faded away. Why does some people's touch make me feel that way again? Why does it throw me back into this loop? Will this ever end? I'm in the bathroom spiraling out and I feel the worst. I can't with this anymore. I can still feel where she touched me, and it rings in my head. I just want this to stop, I feel helpless and scared and alone in this. I need to be comforted but touch makes it so much worse. I feel trapped. My skin is like an electric fence, but it doesn't hurt anyone but me to the touch. I feel violated and ruined. I feel like there's no fixing me, no matter what I try.",0.9416940789473642,2.8919901979166696,1.994802631578949,98.75940789473688,81.91666666666666,5.083771929824562,17.917763157894736,6.05967700443912,-0.5464937499999998,706,15,169,5,19,222,109,192,0.19899999999999998,0.674,0.127,-0.9713,0,3,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,2,1,10,12,1,2,6,0,11,5,5,3,4,38,28,12,0,2,5,0,17,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,15,11,0,4,7,0,1,3,6,8,0,2,3,18,26,4,21,22,5,28,0,4,0,0,4,11,0,1,15,109,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748579773436434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13164929649329124,0.09281974850520328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494402439148772,0.10207420457077257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492527972396044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145816282688655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323354873672031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757438940779055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.240154418248484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698458980235744,0.0948344420305684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544314640578502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362366601892211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421083471608569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12970690130209256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560836639482847,0.1772192294285475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758427657469212,0.09843017560965243,0.10238262541274123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799055271028883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203001532151753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12548876798101516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290284703181546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601187951578893,0.22196477538477585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511242202637984,0.0,0.09980917997233753,0.0,0.11602667853964795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12582857951146054,0.0,0.0,0.18025292002903304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829758586324218,0.10536834385546506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230577453525404,0.23956693573587926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664135492882332,0.0,0.13528047498862994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548467849625334 ptsd,zeroechozero,2019/04/08,"Can you have PTSD even if you don't remember seeing or experiencing anything traumatic? I'm not trying to self-diagnose myself or anything, but I do have a few symptoms associated with it. I just can't think of anything that I've been through that was traumatic. I've been startled by my mom yelling on the phone whenever something bad has happened. Like the time my sister got into a fight with her ex husband. Or the time that same sister got into a fight with my other sister. My mom always sounds like someone is getting murdered, and it really scares me, until I find out that it's not as bad as it sounded. Another thing is that I used to look up creepy images online. Despite being an adult, some of them would cause me to have trouble sleeping. Then again, there's a subreddit dedicated to this sort of stuff, so I doubt that's it. The last thing is that my mom claims my dad had abused me when I was young. But it had to be when I was really young because I don't remember any of it, and he was out of my life by age 5 or 6. Though I guess it could be because I've pushed those memories away? I have no idea.",4.328289473684208,4.921037355263159,5.450280701754386,83.05963157894739,70.18421052631578,8.536140350877194,28.796491228070174,8.648137234880735,1.9934575438596491,879,31,183,14,15,292,130,228,0.20600000000000002,0.752,0.042,-0.992,0,0,1,0,4,0,22.0,0,2,1,0,9,11,3,3,9,0,26,3,1,2,0,33,36,17,1,3,10,9,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,1,21,9,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,9,0,0,10,6,25,2,26,21,3,19,0,0,2,0,18,7,0,9,13,131,46,0,0.0,0.15052597340886548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057105098489312,0.0,0.0,0.08639405142061858,0.1332163640689048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136383442494945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936170903018695,0.0,0.2121523139642964,0.1548892828691217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050884383347522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10143403204448252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894664976823542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391114518505602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611561185918097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637507350888837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321685548944227,0.0,0.13995292441326573,0.0,0.11234429691238616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434168384718395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355754651273487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973470052944954,0.12413423888176503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668468517900767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4463760289696351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850725048031346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627748549775264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28783142254627464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271928755979609,0.0,0.1012373557791691,0.0,0.1325342539426193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12713541840010242,0.0,0.10764368845593347,0.09780442317423252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543460605258196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320470162240763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880433709316234,0.08140445328497528,0.12481975973861295,0.0,0.14816037008274172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862543118731443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972493971084778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09024817738368826,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,trippingout3019,2019/04/08,"Roommate joked about what caused my PTSD My college roommate who I also considered to be one of my best friends continuously made jokes that triggered my PTSD, even after I told her to stop. She even told me that my current boyfriend looks like my abuser, and I nearly broke up with him because of it. On the one year anniversary she saw me in bed crying for a good two hours and later that day she still made some pretty graphic jokes about the situation. I’ve since cut her out, but I still have to live with her until the end of the semester. Some of our mutual friends think I’m in the wrong for cutting her out, but what she said was too much to let slide. ",6.660162337662334,5.926855946969702,6.3354978354978355,83.2268181818182,65.28787878787878,9.361038961038963,30.97835497835498,8.418075326091056,2.004580952380953,523,16,110,6,7,163,85,132,0.107,0.759,0.134,0.4497,1,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,8,12,2,0,6,0,4,0,0,4,0,16,13,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,7,6,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,4,0,3,7,3,22,8,23,4,4,20,0,1,2,0,16,7,0,2,13,79,29,1,0.0,0.18562366086154453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528579022027092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09550217501763172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441136265769454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093919752556465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720903085707106,0.1010366469435861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875962670370415,0.0,0.0,0.2069529079081484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420796160305601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140405673088082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428450945082925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020165906149875,0.0,0.07653912257689342,0.0,0.13833899973375624,0.0,0.13156003161659294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964824247797219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516757907788107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21232195130647905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15938570375528988,0.0,0.0,0.3662684767865395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902529760924352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959578236777242,0.17609921357923436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502274330636537,0.13097983978015126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038528426018292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994022649633268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530399744900534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712897409007151,0.0,0.10088780504643052 ptsd,wishiwasborninirelan,2019/04/08,"Does anyone with PTSD live alone? CW; sexual violence Tonight I've been really terrified about being home alone even though I'm exhausted. When I was a freshman in college I got raped and it was really violent. Now I'm sometimes terrified of being in my house at night. I have dreams about people following me home, I sometimes throw up, get really jumpy, feel frozen, and see things out of the corners of my eye that I think is someone even though its a shadow. Tonight I already got sick twice. I live in an apartment, on the third floor and my doors are locked and I can usually hear my neighbors. Does anyone have any advice? Being raped, followed, or murdered is literally my worst nightmare. I panic about it. I'm terrified that I'll experience domestic violence. PS - I'm currently a training to be a therapist, so I know this is not normal or good",4.067936507936508,6.250535864197531,5.166067019400355,78.63444444444445,73.07407407407408,9.073015873015876,29.47266313932981,9.606745405546679,3.0891255731922387,678,29,121,18,14,223,102,162,0.325,0.66,0.013999999999999999,-0.9959,2,2,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,4,1,7,0,14,5,1,0,0,13,28,10,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,1,4,0,7,6,0,0,3,1,0,3,1,7,0,2,5,4,16,1,15,19,1,20,0,0,2,2,2,10,0,2,7,76,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849704292749745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2935793426728728,0.1564027230400396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963813486824367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820200487812173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480579841149524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722282864242007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138639263234311,0.0,0.0,0.0716630123528489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404814334422763,0.0,0.0,0.11887650888753662,0.22670906486047565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597401573893558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2843337531570202,0.0,0.0,0.16353754122163172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789117300545535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503006032001455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330041261485645,0.13886543545903687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16628977034995826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825782680647162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567493774226535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27238785187780656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294056392303095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200874794032275,0.0,0.28034944563403336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455960503353725,0.09415920080697134,0.09081494463274882,0.27849826667473804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609571495467614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,buttercup_ppg,2019/04/08,"my therapist makes me feel insecure sometimes she can be the nicest person and I feel like she understands me but she also judges me, and makes me feel down. the thing is that I usually wake up feeling lost, not being able to move my own body or to even respond, it usually happens after a nightmare, although I am awake and aware of my surroundings, my body is still asleep and it doesn’t let me respond, while I keep thinking and reliving the nightmare or the thought. this became more and more rare as I went to therapy. one day that I felt sick(headache, i felt numb and dizzy) at school, it happened, somehow I ended up in “academic orientation” waiting for my mom, my [at the time] boyfriend had called my mom so she could pick me up, the school workers recommended my mom to take me to urgency, where they said I was totally fine, I was just in a “state of shock”. later on, feeling better, I had a meeting with my therapist that suggested that I did that so my boyfriend stayed with me and I could ruin his plans, I tried to explain that I didn’t know that his plans of going out, where on that day, neither whom he was going out with, but it didn’t matter cause she didn’t believe me, and she keeps repeating that every time making me feel like a bad person. she often asks me how am I with my friends, and it doesn’t even matter what I answer she always interrupts me saying loudly “LIE! you don’t have any friends” that really makes me feel bad about myself. I should be going twice a week but I haven’t been to therapy on awhile, so I am very scared of what she is going to say about it and about my recent break up, I am afraid that if I say that it’s okay and it’s not the end of the world she wouldn’t believe me or say I just didn’t love him. Idk what to do.",5.222412610473555,5.0201957340720265,5.7253660466956875,84.63265004616808,68.11357340720221,9.092256958184937,29.10183353119641,8.704169506293173,1.9258958184936024,1384,43,297,20,21,447,169,361,0.095,0.802,0.10300000000000001,-0.369,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,1,5,17,17,0,3,13,1,33,6,4,7,1,63,66,27,0,5,11,3,9,2,2,2,1,6,0,2,26,18,0,3,15,0,0,6,12,9,0,2,17,15,65,8,38,41,5,42,0,2,0,1,37,18,0,6,17,219,91,4,0.08685843192134741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946065662641443,0.07227317344246853,0.0,0.0,0.059066712209060825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120090882002595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504632515039995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19571941776978974,0.0,0.07681922455883113,0.0,0.19296027406558824,0.0,0.0,0.08869217034656933,0.0,0.0,0.08922753583945711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386987803085298,0.0,0.0,0.11203300594095933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386157946770854,0.0,0.0,0.11473835020533725,0.0,0.07318197506718596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3074276308831122,0.12410336223949185,0.16679543173109654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342132180815535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974545940570034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361724898734194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440753039114016,0.0,0.0,0.0477351226397373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881863147838646,0.0,0.08486928489581333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481623889830618,0.0,0.07839312598861108,0.0,0.2319147110971073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30518263707540866,0.0,0.09231676714330672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885752138379149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516828649356422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05564373562607677,0.0,0.08576222284302644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262225913797247,0.2762932452241572,0.08696044292922964,0.17581074050954065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590521013456598,0.0,0.0,0.09257953154605164,0.06936525593199855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530673113962641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19866037337892614,0.20169866814747964,0.0577048826555177,0.055655375985435455,0.0,0.068955892764555,0.1012957003006885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058971173737381775,0.0,0.0,0.09042269085724776,0.0,0.0,0.1913245829890653,0.07166730288598464,0.0,0.0,0.06967259486745703,0.0,0.0,0.08051863658848127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dexter2907,2019/02/13,"I don't know what to do with myself anymore. So a year and a bit ago a I started my first intimate relationship, and about a month ago it ended. In that time I made her cry alot. So much. I'm a child sex and physical abuse survivor with high functioning autism and I am just so angry all the time. I'm in therapy but I think I need to find someone new because they're not helping. They just tell me to go to a calm safe place in my head when I get triggered but at that point it's too late. I don't trust people. I don't care to know people, their interests and I'm very intolerant of things I don't like such as other people's tastes in music. I throw massive tantrums and my poor girlfriend bore the brunt of it until she had enough. I'm so lonely and so angry and so over life and I can't stop taking it out on the people who actually care about me for some reason. Now I'm 25. I live with my parents on the disability benefit smoking pot all day to dull the constant psychosis audio track in my head of my abuse. I just don't know where to go from here. I have no interests. Every attempt at starting life like studying or finding a job has always blown up in my face for the past ten years. Every. Single. Time. I get taken advantage of by Co workers. I get fired for not connecting with my team because of my super awesome combination of cptsd and autism making me a super immature target for everyone to just fuck around with. So now, no friends, no partner, no clue who I am, what sexuality I am, what I want to do with my lifem no motivation to try anything and just drowning myself in any drug I can get my hands in to numb myself into oblivion. ",3.253848396501457,4.293553428571432,4.829021574344028,84.87771311953355,73.02332361516034,7.587125364431487,26.54798833819241,7.9765259561132025,1.4860393935860063,1298,44,274,18,25,438,182,343,0.20800000000000002,0.669,0.122,-0.987,2,2,1,0,2,0,29.0,0,0,2,8,22,20,2,0,15,0,15,11,4,5,2,49,41,24,1,2,10,1,2,2,3,0,4,1,0,2,13,20,1,2,8,1,1,3,13,6,0,2,3,4,42,14,50,38,8,46,0,2,0,2,15,21,1,3,24,183,55,4,0.0,0.2544891703645085,0.10480126338836028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903969860555358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936059120239266,0.0,0.0,0.07303174984539575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650620496566712,0.0,0.0,0.08837628950337129,0.09560362147741706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093303502063552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172466694326266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21899112210464966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605499541625015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796750385339855,0.06926038506552228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454319559775524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951193994235847,0.1109669338077902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096851835538091,0.10261977603249196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19631273632853224,0.09134946559346413,0.0,0.0,0.08297250517503801,0.09928422251921963,0.22443618211028826,0.0,0.1220692161428882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204348984833435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198407946895177,0.11346788596082565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657218856121116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17706315816896626,0.0,0.12114535384342118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171142211196784,0.10493477886717158,0.0,0.09483106061990487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101619004225609,0.07168647336575901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572103891673903,0.0,0.07894710597880136,0.0796314506612079,0.0,0.10372200339892726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192485680452596,0.0,0.1025199314469515,0.2978145097896978,0.0,0.11220409842700256,0.0,0.10152224736085948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104191409237428,0.0,0.11530119723239515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099477103435463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520283582225121,0.0,0.0,0.08978637369130911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074708534527299,0.0,0.09386727871089724,0.0,0.12281464593332354,0.0,0.07134794535439222,0.06881387747016428,0.0,0.0,0.1878672936439293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291362338290397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.088611475748612,0.06334389131120309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383167085865906 ptsd,butlb,2019/02/13,"Dealing with dissociation episodes To get straight to the point: dissociating fucking TERRIFIES me. I’d love to hear how you all cope with it. *TW below. I finally opened up to my therapist about my sexual abuse as a kid. I thought I was dealing with it well until I said it out loud. My nightmares, dissociation episodes and anxiety have absolutely skyrocketed and to top it all off, my therapist has discharged me from DBT as it’s no longer the “correct treatment” for me. I don’t see her anymore as she isn’t specialised for PTSD, only for EDs/self harm/BPD. I really wish I’d never said anything now. How do you guys avoid it/handle the aftermath? ",5.096550179211473,6.566917346774198,6.246236559139785,74.81991039426524,69.08064516129032,9.704659498207887,33.939068100358426,9.994966539143718,3.540579928315413,517,25,96,13,9,173,83,124,0.11800000000000001,0.78,0.102,-0.4466,0,1,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,5,4,1,1,4,0,6,2,0,2,4,16,15,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,5,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,4,5,17,2,21,11,2,13,0,0,1,2,12,8,1,0,5,63,22,0,0.0,0.2087342043080179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347705762132496,0.0,0.174714608999139,0.0,0.0,0.14497398410124182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218816080909514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36324978679454056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929870678911457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286754487985636,0.09204224255126467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744373026232928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19855787934154095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900149285396345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358741812053963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398622606713365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16653883929189098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20593484340925064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285985755693465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33515853284925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038573161997567,0.0,0.18378510640901846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090969576435134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398603481156616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839917237757947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20258832159883464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LesbianPearl,2019/02/13,"How to help a friend who just dealt with something that is one of my triggers? Warning: Mention of child abuse and a knife &#x200B; My friend called me at like 3am this morning saying their mother and him fought with a knife. His mother ended up giving him scratches. I immediately started feeling myself freaking out and going back to my own shit, but I really pushed myself through, by doing some deep breathing for a few minutes, to help him and make sure he was safe. Some of the things he told me reminded me of *me*. I low key was freaked, but I managed to push myself with the help of my girlfriend. I'm worried about something like this happening again, and just tips please?",4.743307692307695,6.482936715384617,4.547692307692311,85.61230769230772,70.30769230769229,6.430769230769231,29.153846153846153,6.742157984588678,1.4737538461538462,543,21,100,4,10,166,86,130,0.12300000000000001,0.6679999999999999,0.209,0.9154,0,0,2,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,8,11,2,0,6,0,4,2,2,3,1,21,13,8,0,0,4,2,2,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,5,9,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,1,4,3,20,6,19,9,4,12,0,1,0,0,23,5,1,2,6,71,25,1,0.0,0.2240420563792682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048801491418296,0.22976640743197235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539939911437236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19308317481959186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747860679412965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095610151648639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921826599651249,0.0,0.0,0.1813934321400013,0.1074648409049634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721265262551455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802313748996003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476073940145635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621979068451664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813303639303786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207565266380704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211366132041047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037284790931893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940993170106794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29114316412920993,0.0,0.0,0.1338396677365482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782161424708098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562373772320626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806846681496811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920312107082832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22976640743197235,0.0 ptsd,okaycrazycalmdown,2019/02/13,"Not believing myself Sometimes I just can’t believe that the things I am claiming happened to me. But they DID. And I know they did. All the physical stuff I completely remember. I know there was sexual abuse but I don’t explicitly remember it. It makes me doubt myself so much, because it’s no longer happening. Does anyone else feel this way? Like there is no way this stuff happened and you’re just a crazy person who is making it all up way after the fact?? ",2.224,4.823114511111111,3.5222222222222217,85.84000000000002,81.66666666666667,7.155555555555559,23.44444444444445,8.238735603445708,1.679911111111112,366,13,70,8,10,119,61,90,0.165,0.799,0.036000000000000004,-0.8966,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,8,0,0,2,4,19,16,5,0,0,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,11,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,3,1,12,1,3,13,3,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,2,53,23,0,0.0,0.18676846360247104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11022014824130298,0.16151288862415925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609116863631792,0.0,0.0,0.3551951768243464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527443590230184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137945061647592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168153456366544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970361197714829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4181810870307331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326114618526606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701116475571615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21044152837506344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587785577203895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13763841790958736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35713326642613297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15590234556987134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609024716723285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10472387580144588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37536347598611214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,evvaanxox,2019/02/13,"Was anyone else hypersexual after SA? Potential Trigger Warning and a bit NSFW? I feel disgusting. It happened a bit over three years ago but ever since, my sex drive has been so high and I hate it. It doesn't help that I'm 17 and I feel like I shouldn't be like this even though I know teenage hormones are a bit out of wack at my age. I haven't had sex yet and honestly penetration scares me because of what he did to me, I want it so bad, but I don't. If that makes sense? I dont masturbate because it doesn't feel good, I've never actually had an orgasm either. That might be because I'm also a trans guy so I'm also pretty uncomfortable wiyh my genitals. I dunno. I just feel gross for desperately wanting sex and pleasure despite being so uncomfortable with it. I hope I'm not alone with this, I feel gross.",1.1795238095238112,3.428562666666668,3.4321428571428565,87.07952380952383,83.04761904761905,6.352380952380952,22.42857142857143,7.594959193182576,1.0232714285714284,640,22,135,11,18,219,102,168,0.22399999999999998,0.63,0.145,-0.9434,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,11,12,2,1,5,0,17,4,1,2,2,30,33,15,0,5,6,0,5,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,12,8,0,0,6,0,0,1,8,6,0,1,5,5,18,6,10,23,4,12,0,0,0,4,3,4,0,4,9,85,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.14262795746029447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955918826601334,0.0,0.0,0.15137437049482716,0.0,0.2337630869186027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021962357640044,0.14975491784518066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203482647637012,0.2672874936612341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4786961274950196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17129468592353822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209525542074486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653519069148722,0.13220719697227776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695063584484922,0.1044144500753574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12258939294325452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471821483061734,0.12924597920360295,0.0,0.0,0.1442995851436551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09796582495642324,0.15442268813075802,0.0,0.14516668479680656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032395722026366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280966366703762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975608016842437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155049272215737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272513762770765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869401412173142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632845819668894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090241872066787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359831798098918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241413973845696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412018992190536 ptsd,geesewhat,2019/02/13,"Every time the lights turn off I am reminded of how it all began. so my traumatic event began around 4 years ago in middle school. I was in second period and it was thundering and lightning outside. Class had just begun then we all hear a loud burst of thunder and we see there’s a flash of lightning from the window. The next thing we know, the power goes out. I was in the complete dark, which was slightly alarming but I was too concerned yet. around 15-30 seconds later the generator kicks on and everyone can see again. Then a few seconds after the power turned back on, the speaker from the office tells everyone to go to the hallway and get into their tornado positions. Everyone was lined up against the lockers in their tornado positions. I heard the teachers saying there was a tornado forming outside. We stayed in our tornado positions for around 30 minutes. the scariest 30 minutes of my life. I acted like I was fine, but I wasn’t. After 45 minutes in the hallway we got to go back to our class. It’s been around 4 years since this and I still think about it. I close my eyes and all I see are tornados. When it is windy outside all I can think about is that day. It’s taken me years to look at a picture of a tornado and not jump or scream/gasp. Whenever people say the word tornado I start to breathe heavy and I can’t think straight. When we do tornado drills in schools all I can think about is that day. I get why we do the drills but I feel like it takes me back to that day and that is painful. yesterday my power went out for times, I jumped and screamed. every time the lights turn off all I can think about is that day. I just feel like I might die, even though it is winter right now. I know it is not logical to think these thoughts but I can not help it. It really hurts because I used to love tornadoes. I wanted to become a meteorologist to study them and weather in general but now I just can’t. I have felt so sad because the one thing I loved is what hurt me the most. I also sorta feel like I don’t deserve to label myself with PTS(D?). What happened to me happened to almost a thousand other people in my school. They are fine. We didn’t get hit by a tornado. We all lived. I feel like the only one who was impacted from that day. thanks for reading my story, it feels really good to share, and sorry this post is so long. I have wanted to tell someone about this but never really had anywhere that I felt I could go. I want to reach out for help and one day I will. I know it only gets worse by keeping my thoughts inside so this is my first step towards reaching out. ",2.2981780735107726,4.280844095057034,3.5795674904942985,88.91685440430928,77.63117870722434,6.664702154626111,24.26631812420785,7.645422480735847,1.1634310519645128,2038,70,422,30,48,664,231,526,0.079,0.8270000000000001,0.095,0.7574,3,0,0,1,0,0,51.0,11,0,4,4,33,18,0,1,29,0,42,6,2,2,8,87,94,32,1,4,13,0,7,5,0,2,2,9,1,0,32,34,0,1,19,1,0,8,9,6,0,8,24,23,65,12,65,66,10,79,0,3,5,2,27,29,0,5,45,302,97,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333354758929008,0.0,0.0715439550072312,0.0,0.0,0.05713622394569452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25441228397522403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16481524041883705,0.0,0.08710698395268532,0.07890771400707515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749109301106455,0.0,0.0,0.05704469952915218,0.0,0.0,0.2764648317901631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415081480451963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04719013892821937,0.0,0.12039453467063528,0.20481231148460669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18062901481979907,0.20416730395931146,0.13720085014115252,0.0,0.0,0.06077287089757126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931265368133942,0.0,0.121815108578209,0.05992644177402962,0.05714277657606408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636087774506494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08052607979784966,0.0,0.0957789766984716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529712069197067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063505469598274,0.0,0.0,0.11779638098822907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046520310654794,0.17452723251662028,0.0,0.06308910256553897,0.06322843949435086,0.0599975736716238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289676032398757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579408756712748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055104411844532304,0.0,0.0759848065713753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524322196202696,0.10867748555609644,0.07602475696951465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906485296487454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842657665467193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146643946411392,0.0,0.1373125346484646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06101543717252676,0.0,0.11363521092749734,0.0,0.2169248535002664,0.17080227686352867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910178345656065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060536900095675576,0.0,0.0,0.07997918443333273,0.050570628558157055,0.07615310744400823,0.057057750235461176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371933115495474,0.0,0.12489583761750762,0.06577889493644289,0.0,0.0,0.09493256350565188,0.27468251933078386,0.07019641777098667,0.1134420410840936,0.12498414422377865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331418006144484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06170735886664499,0.0,0.0,0.12642406073629933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623218200577699,0.06446989925245479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07281070375217899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802877913898734 ptsd,xBuppax,2019/02/13,"It’s getting bad again and I don’t know what else to do. What are some therapeutic things that you do in times like these? I feel so defeated. I feel like I’ve tried everything to improve, but it’s not getting any better. I see a therapist once a week, I’ve sat in on local support groups, I’m on medication, I’ve cut out alcohol, and started to eat better. But the past few weeks have been especially difficult. I’ve had nightmares every night for the past few weeks. They’re so vivid that when I wake up it takes me awhile to realize that it was a nightmare and not reality. Last night I self harmed for the first time in a long time. I feel like everything I worked so hard to improve on is gone and I’m right back where I started. I don’t feel suicidal. I’m just afraid that if this continues I’ll get to that point, and I really don’t want to be admitted to a hospital again. What are some therapeutic things that you do in times like these?",2.621836734693876,4.1633407244898,4.1181122448979615,87.35635204081633,75.42857142857143,8.369387755102041,25.005102040816325,9.017664075816787,1.7363632653061232,746,25,166,17,16,248,104,196,0.151,0.736,0.113,-0.8896,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,5,9,13,1,1,8,0,14,4,1,0,0,22,34,12,1,2,6,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,18,6,2,0,7,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,5,7,14,7,19,28,4,35,0,1,2,0,5,13,0,3,25,97,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660749499253452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692630219093478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829057384855452,0.10672966396946444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261040399350309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079826919513352,0.10678251413620264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769921401929357,0.0,0.2297641643953848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25853137574247714,0.18263834172382215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10872902905883856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003519780437852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145073030508048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025001968988234,0.10419553701088977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497979938165685,0.0,0.0,0.11312229838069135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12877160085324765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399127428757004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361308922625578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440494322104335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083721904342767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081888833780778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916300552183604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10186105219937633,0.0,0.1333507622275567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809522986429569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982128119278708,0.14505582856864074,0.0,0.0,0.09610950794167383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14841624599690634,0.1698442957126873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981462934254629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678570174527869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539529382390263,0.0,0.3076037657778805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09305910610226546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kaejo9,2019/02/13,"My GF is a child rape survivor, I love her so much. But her family is not allowing us to get married(different religion) and they are marrying her to someone else She doesn't know, but after being with her, I realised that she suffers from PTSD and I dont know how this will play in her life as we are going to breakup.",4.882846153846156,5.083711092307695,5.996730769230767,81.01201923076924,68.84615384615384,9.576923076923078,30.09615384615385,9.516144504307137,2.4600000000000004,251,9,53,5,4,84,51,65,0.102,0.789,0.109,-0.1406,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,8,3,0,2,0,11,13,7,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,0,14,2,8,11,1,3,0,1,0,2,13,1,0,0,1,41,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116212787364671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34956193139662145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491604048843093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28117574470410445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15583007003402688,0.0,0.16950969600077734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.327835011015676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21067192740832172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691939383500767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925757135923787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486534028442026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527172118093827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3587735793949918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Just-no96,2019/02/13,"Does anyone else get dizzy when triggered? I've found that whenever I get triggered I get dizzy. Sometimes the room just kind of spins for a second, and then it stops, other times it's so bad it makes me throw up and/or feel like I'm going to pass out. I haven't actually passed out yet, but I've certainly felt like I was going to. Does anyone else experience this or know if there's a way to stop it?",2.3446428571428584,3.9230270357142882,3.5590476190476217,90.91928571428572,76.26190476190476,6.704761904761906,20.333333333333336,7.447530270364453,0.3697333333333335,317,7,71,4,7,103,60,84,0.12300000000000001,0.779,0.099,0.1814,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,3,1,17,13,7,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,2,4,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,3,2,5,4,8,10,0,16,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,8,36,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.1818855838126764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606504690438197,0.3819484082378843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562429732832975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262148127582524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114027180700841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18232100634972748,0.0,0.0,0.09424222421135038,0.13315400114120599,0.17895952781852142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043623301161712,0.0,0.0,0.29213654987544585,0.0,0.2118546086742207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19409205363576432,0.10243272155965104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182117303736907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244139205773267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18434025060851367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116536283870919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868301672124277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794431514085524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Eighthungrytacos,2019/02/13,"How to reintegrate and create supports for yourself? I went through something mildly-traumatic about a year ago. My house was broken into by armed people while I was inside. It's been a year and I've seen social workers many times (no therapists/psychiatrists) but I still feel completely removed from the actual world. I've noticed that when I'm connected to old friends, I feel like a different person. I try to enjoy things, focus on self-care and being in the moment. However, I go to university in a different city and it's been difficult to find friends since. It's like a constant cycle of getting triggered, losing the rest of the day to dealing with it and then playing catch up with missed schoolwork. I have no energy to put in the extra effort to work on social skills and re-engage like most people do. I know I'm only 19 and this is a battle for the foreseeable future, but I hate that it seems like everyone else is finding their way through relationships and getting support from friends/family. My family is toxic and until I get better I just cant get what I need from them either. Any advice? Does seeing a psychiatrist benefit in anyway over a social worker? I can't afford a therapist/psychologist so I'm using the free resources in my community atm. ",4.242535072120134,6.506727701244818,5.630942501481923,75.13189488243431,72.81742738589213,8.407903576368309,28.073700849634466,9.107695989026183,2.750126101560957,1020,40,169,23,21,342,151,241,0.09,0.713,0.19699999999999998,0.9806,4,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,2,7,7,18,2,0,16,0,12,1,1,3,0,27,33,17,0,1,4,0,2,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,10,12,0,0,6,1,2,5,4,5,0,0,6,4,18,14,32,26,4,31,0,2,2,0,10,11,0,2,18,113,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.11421644158198402,0.0,0.0,0.11437242135514684,0.10375097366246634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959280566051985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351443956558926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271666806573653,0.1264811909293239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548262748958941,0.12066551460414728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445686710045956,0.0,0.0,0.10242454163644396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09777385763995873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183897288468354,0.0,0.0,0.2206742058175212,0.0,0.11836024901542255,0.08361507203569837,0.0,0.0,0.2139491591583002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18085324515826665,0.0,0.2445991704116263,0.0,0.0665178598223429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555508071727795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13505114749472824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432340987590755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287239037565239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094044168211572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866256359153987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678541306158198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332534813610079,0.12281624858979433,0.0,0.0,0.08901597471495767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1622848449527381,0.102196857919929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765988035300055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256596727200268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09326759252076547,0.10655095174822396,0.1221006879982867,0.0,0.0,0.09681863423427324,0.0,0.0,0.3579297825034746,0.0,0.0901049125309118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347016497967303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26563652386431624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358951793272945,0.07775773086214156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682483304618586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946406690521991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10108700377990948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290276267895432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084994230143373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520821845924262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507428608713436 ptsd,lily-loves-unicorns,2019/02/13,I had such a hard day today. Just want it to calm down I (a vic of child abuse) was awakened by my mother today and it was so triggering 😢 I don’t understand why she has to do this. I’m 19 now and she has moved out of the house. My ptsd is from her. But my dad still gave her the key and she woke me up. She used to abuse me after waking me up. Ugh I need better ways to untrigger. ,-2.213275862068965,-0.4174737931034471,0.8007183908045974,102.23487068965521,97.27586206896551,4.279310344827587,11.847701149425287,5.985473137389443,-1.2933747126436783,288,4,77,3,12,100,60,87,0.096,0.83,0.07400000000000001,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,4,0,8,1,1,2,0,11,15,5,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,1,16,2,13,10,0,12,0,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,6,53,19,0,0.0,0.5319166659720067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985240468724194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14476353966348518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.201079584465844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25900638063571235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385743713597688,0.0,0.16644046456497572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623915320367746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926074363605865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4255395685260716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336795069354926,0.0,0.1938686154396797,0.0,0.0,0.13239727029518927,0.17817255727852127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025478052402116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yogaandBIGGIE,2019/02/13,"Daily Klonopin - Thoughts? I’m so nervous about meds, I’ve always tried to be as natural as possible but I am in a constant state of panic. I am a sexual assault victim, when I came forward there was retaliation and stalking against another victim, he always made bail, after 2 years at the sentencing he was put on suicide watch. It has been a really intense time for me. I also believe I was assaulted as a child... I tried emdr therapy but I couldn’t do it anymore I panicked and stopped going. I finally sought help from an psych APRN. She referred me to the medical marijuana program and prescribed me klonopin originally just at night and an antidepressant. The antidepressant was horrible, I felt like I was in a bubble and even more sad. Like this really sad film over my life. She decided that my anxiety is too high and that I should try the klonopin during the day to in the am to see if that helps. So I’m doing am and pm, the goal is to just do medical marijuana and be on no meds. I’m just terrified I’m getting sucked into something that’s hard to get off of. I work a high stress job, I wake up at 4:30 every morning now and exercise, I meditate, I also have a chronic disease I manage, and have been formally diagnosed with PTSD. Most people wouldn’t know any of the above about me because I’m super private but I feel that has also been to my detriment. Anyway, any input is appreciated. Thanks :( ",3.3477173913043465,5.3801349311594215,5.2268840579710165,78.07119565217394,74.68840579710145,8.513043478260869,29.97826086956522,9.188382445141503,2.896713043478261,1115,51,206,27,24,382,161,276,0.231,0.6709999999999999,0.098,-0.9924,1,0,1,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,0,3,16,14,5,3,17,0,27,7,1,2,0,33,44,23,1,4,7,0,3,2,0,2,6,0,0,1,8,13,0,1,6,2,0,4,3,10,0,0,12,5,27,4,32,27,2,30,0,2,2,0,7,15,1,2,14,142,35,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30007132296787875,0.20814763179881732,0.0,0.0,0.1701128603996495,0.1311538026702269,0.09568331643007316,0.0,0.124042455612634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07624558207669731,0.0,0.0,0.14091858488216974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305439898923833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13516345476946814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066411006732818,0.0,0.0,0.12695019547255118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261196628772449,0.0,0.10538249584903367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06324252660317899,0.0,0.12009322566043687,0.13701538720678932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13069480396122807,0.0,0.07108395858229233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204413605352538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676725217131173,0.26430075529012115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411930340966212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06873887127010363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834535672977765,0.12221229414801325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183505770872081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277863985798097,0.2520031889918857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173759895113978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14675053252594228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671242000241981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14100516149089226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620794345144086,0.12573660794481606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025464558059085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966991874848773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629013752870334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045697034911136,0.14327491222372296,0.0,0.0,0.1368135851229688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515380065311955,0.14303608199800652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929691124564168,0.07293321686564272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.254756562632544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105731134472304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054527992462271 ptsd,trauma-thicc,2019/08/15,"physical affection how can i overcome that stupid fear. it’s like everytime someone/ something touches me or a body part from another person is even near me i panic. i already told all my friends i don’t want to hug them and everything and they understand, so that’s good i guess.. i don’t want to have that fear. main reason why i’m afraid to get a boyfriend. im already in therapy but i’m too embarassed to tell her that",0.6099612403100778,3.111549802325584,2.2980232558139555,91.35153100775194,91.67441860465117,6.12248062015504,25.77131782945737,7.492282038375204,1.6876852713178296,337,16,69,7,12,110,62,86,0.106,0.741,0.154,0.2238,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,4,9,1,4,2,0,5,2,1,3,1,12,13,6,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,12,4,7,12,3,2,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,2,1,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052564746903496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19254063118423145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20395942061799227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212786805152983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502500278660975,0.0,0.0,0.4132450621148551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14186365733438638,0.0,0.09593339855523196,0.0,0.0,0.1540109851633658,0.0,0.0,0.20227713457688545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19834013182879745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970701487358834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21543744507517248,0.0,0.1988415863688004,0.0,0.0,0.16032911126274133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18879101140935264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557986335360424,0.14135895017248853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604911823966507,0.0,0.2099844377311948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.175455914125932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115395360285767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166065993124333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568767314258387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,milkhsaked,2019/08/15,"Does anyone else feel like they don’t deserve physical affection/ gentle touch? Was scrolling through twitter earlier and saw a video of two girlfriends talking and one was stroking the other’s hair and holding her hand and I just,, started crying because I can’t ever imagine being the receiver of someone touching me in a nice way. I know it’s common for trauma victims to reject or avoid physical affection, but I really crave it with someone I trust, but I don’t understand why anyone would ever want to touch my skin or my body in a kind way. Has anyone else ever experienced something like this? Sorry if I’ve done anything wrong, it’s my first time posting in this sub",7.803950892857141,7.6623810468750015,7.766428571428572,71.95000000000002,62.75,10.126785714285717,38.598214285714285,9.606745405546679,3.878230803571429,546,26,90,9,7,176,89,128,0.11,0.7120000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.882,0,1,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,1,4,10,1,1,5,0,9,5,4,2,3,24,15,9,0,3,6,0,8,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,5,0,2,4,1,0,1,3,5,0,3,4,10,12,5,10,9,0,14,0,1,1,0,5,3,0,3,9,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3187832543937113,0.3114228211065829,0.1250585111588357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926396124639502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880461307338798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693210905247907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299013045324454,0.15551825919516427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539031734915463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41239719046420703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684069025620513,0.10856752844797044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926575924912664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582535588418368,0.08351883771135866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848990931452866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297892840131932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455454260009004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973559900637898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25752768424072475,0.11699407076184973,0.0,0.17011817686424055,0.1075652770673532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214787583327738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861503528671134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484527857677995,0.15820631906880528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963595080651104,0.24125371382174346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371294518837076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10795525711701068,0.16615553743318498,0.0,0.0 ptsd,xyoinkx,2019/08/15,"(TW sexual assault) I could really use some advice/support right now. I just saw my rapist for the first time since he assaulted me. Me and my boyfriend were walking in town and I saw him through the apartment window (also happened to be the apartment where it happened to.) I'm really dissociated - it's been while since it happened now but it's not getting any better at all. It's been a long time since I felt this bad. Does anyone have any advice on how to process/cope with stuff like this? I'm not sure if this is the kind of thing you can post here - I've never posted anything on reddit before, but I have nowhere else to turn. My boyfriend has been trying to comfort me but I'm really distressed.",2.27542857142857,4.591876257142856,3.228571428571428,89.72642857142858,79.28571428571428,5.7142857142857135,23.57142857142857,6.868970318607317,0.7938571428571426,556,19,111,6,14,177,90,140,0.14300000000000002,0.812,0.045,-0.9329,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,2,7,10,3,1,5,0,11,1,0,2,3,18,23,9,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,10,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,7,3,13,5,13,14,2,20,0,0,2,1,3,9,0,2,9,72,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989304812423002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266765875175067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20862386417733925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725536815637192,0.0,0.1262286817506052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280760503923787,0.0,0.0,0.13052543435701178,0.0,0.0,0.13566290446170856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224711619390362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423451708642878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281394708170916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472805332879651,0.0,0.0,0.13047529699745286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014107506697184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069325541762024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973433499120568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493966357169278,0.0,0.0,0.1357472388562213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183054938017194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938145846881192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948008457577647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099607059756346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806627514390837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755973299138369,0.0,0.17406761080762634,0.14457029997902338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019069383689795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788884096551894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041432109562936,0.1668466276065887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248158028643786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,heartshapedplace,2019/08/15,"Weird shit respond if you’ve experienced this/can help me figure it out This is kind of embarrassing to bring up.. I experienced sexual harassment growing up, continuous sexual harassment for about three years. Now as a young adult I’ll be walking down the street and in my head I will have intrusive thoughts about random men fucking me. I went on a date and just as we were walking around I was picturing any man that walked by me fucking me. Thoughts like this come up often",5.0945714285714265,6.985327377777775,5.550952380952385,78.165,69.66666666666667,9.587301587301589,30.63492063492064,9.957137785484203,3.1508253968253968,384,16,71,10,7,123,69,90,0.159,0.7659999999999999,0.075,-0.8414,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,6,9,5,1,3,0,6,4,2,0,0,13,13,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,7,0,7,0,1,5,2,10,2,16,6,0,21,0,0,0,2,6,9,3,3,6,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795801486351005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460500665080343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380897388527281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5110452758282367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28366091469312305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852616801241045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878227630274243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350325903991634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837154003125173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388533653707797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562208480323331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17798925825703188 ptsd,PullingThrough,2019/08/15,"What forms does PTSD show up in? I was diagnosed with PTSD and am curious what forms it shows up in? I feel like all of the things I feel are ""Normal"" so I'm wondering in what ways it shows up for others.",0.8761363636363662,2.4898207045454583,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,80.5909090909091,7.127272727272729,17.81818181818182,8.07648339933343,0.2694272727272731,157,3,39,3,4,52,30,44,0.0,0.88,0.12,0.6322,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,7,7,2,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,9,6,3,7,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,1,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901020263836945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250123648584107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890390999858496,0.20419038796801706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963757223597406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28004363175941394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6682182805748654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18988659395610752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22687119310998574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3099603914326801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,craftylikea,2019/08/15,"Snoring/apnea major trigger I helped my mother through hospice care a year and a half ago. She spent almost a week in her final coma before dying, and that whole time her breathing became progressively worse. She died from a brain tumor, so at the end it was an entirely mechanical process that sounded like desperate gasps. Now I have panic attacks sometimes when my partner's snoring or apnea send me into panic attacks and/or horrible nightmares. Like now. I hate this.",5.989285714285713,8.472911738095242,6.087619047619048,72.79071428571429,68.52380952380952,7.180952380952381,33.42857142857143,7.957251820313856,2.960328571428571,382,18,54,5,7,121,68,84,0.308,0.611,0.081,-0.9719,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,3,2,6,0,2,3,2,1,0,6,5,5,2,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,5,0,1,2,1,10,3,5,3,2,13,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,2,11,36,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16513634764933174,0.0,0.18654422302217846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4238673945986979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852051163364564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079631422716217,0.0,0.0,0.18993679900711447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866827360263343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16499914769477547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20407344629001806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392448097938532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486739647165045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18202542469302044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371463311965952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424725007738246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086281856236032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943196099486925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079880248966032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898471528136154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199657439335943 ptsd,TenebrificCas,2019/08/15,"My PTSD I'm inspired by everyone else's posts, and decided that I should share my own story. As crazy as it may seem, I'm not making any of this up. It was May 15th, 2018. My 19th birthday. My sister and I were involved in a very bad car accident. We were t-boned. The oncoming car hit the passenger side almost directly where I was sitting. Glass cut my right arm, leaving me with staples and eventually many scars. I only broke one thing... My neck. I injured the C1 and C2 vertebrae, and completely shattered my dens. I had been determined as ""internally decapitated."" Now, I know what you're thinking. Paralyzed, right? WRONG. It's been over a year now and I have full function of my body. Save for my mind. I now suffer from PTSD and depression. My mind, evidently, cannot handle what happened to me. I have huge chunks of memory missing, and I actually can't even remember the impact. That doesn't stop my mind triggering a physical response, especially while I'm in a car. Needless to say, I take the bus now. It's been a struggle, I'm not going to lie. My mom tells me I should be grateful to be alive, and that I don't have any reason to be anxious. It's confusing and difficult to deal with, but hey, that's why I joined this subreddit. That's my wild story, folks. 🤙",1.5741417278373788,4.002548581027668,3.605074816487861,85.30959980237157,82.95256916996047,7.4087521174477695,24.845990965556183,8.418075326091056,1.9240322981366464,993,40,201,24,28,336,150,253,0.122,0.8170000000000001,0.061,-0.8846,0,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,1,0,0,0,6,13,1,2,10,0,22,4,3,3,0,36,35,15,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,15,13,0,1,7,0,0,4,6,10,0,1,8,1,32,3,21,19,2,23,0,4,0,0,9,10,0,5,7,123,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.14125081582216406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144941799706756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1968639291752674,0.0,0.0,0.16352131625640573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12085652143831742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077971968728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176299698341458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922634730484818,0.12466916437904445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091636691212347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09560309692099964,0.0,0.0,0.13831061397001387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08226225433495134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799804701210554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954839071845614,0.0,0.0,0.15326467996291515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661880514554852,0.14674930931746222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43845535004287295,0.16952428534843014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980833576797007,0.1100855435131696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386262636318891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383996971994394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488225736369646,0.0,0.0,0.1639685367534549,0.2472238855899612,0.0,0.11510750265500115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177094867083175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210137943338922,0.0,0.15131951807414304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883066970305698,0.0,0.12651402538715267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961625381480123,0.09274712935976577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943027055232508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306103810394543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582565798802116,0.0,0.093211414147238 ptsd,chiefofsheep,2019/08/15,"I don’t want more turbulence. I want empowerment. Pops committed suicide when I was 3. Emotionally/verbally abused by my older sister from 3-14. I kept telling mom, but she had too much on her plate to know what I meant or be able to help. I blew up emotionally in other ways, refusing to eat anything other than 4 specific meals, refusing to go to school, and hoping that people wouldn’t expect me to improve as I thought failure was inevitable. I internalized a lot. My reality was that I was incompetent, perverted, worthless and everything else and the kitchen sink. She was my owner. When my overstressed mother couldn’t handle it anymore, she sent me to a very low-brow boot camp in Mexico (to her credit, the website and touring areas look pretty good). The staff weren’t entirely malicious, but they mistreated most. After a collective total of 3 months in solitary confinement, I learned to just shut up, and my tantrums stopped. But there was no healing. After a year there, I returned to high school, and eventually did a year of community college. I made one friend, and I became infatuated with her, not because we were compatible, but because she showed a basic interest in me. I haven’t let myself build self-esteem since I was 7 or so. I don’t like myself and I don’t trust myself, which has made it close to impossible to like or trust anyone else. Picture a turtle, flipped on it’s shell. Initially, it will struggle to stand up. But how long until it gives up and just sits there, admitting powerlessness, hoping the pain will end? I feel that my submission made me weak, as I still struggle to stand on my own two and I can’t make eye contact with anyone for more than 3 seconds because all I see is how we may hurt each other. I want to get better, I really do. I don’t know what getting better looks like when I’m still standing in the eye of a hurricane.",5.193509749303622,6.411611548746518,6.116249582172703,76.78884791086351,68.6100278551532,9.309459610027856,31.35164345403901,9.592334608150935,2.967941860724234,1482,61,273,32,25,490,202,359,0.14300000000000002,0.691,0.165,0.7651,4,0,0,0,1,1,52.0,2,0,1,2,14,20,1,2,13,0,27,8,2,6,3,59,52,27,1,8,11,3,1,3,1,4,3,0,1,0,14,16,3,5,7,1,1,2,11,7,0,3,18,6,48,13,42,27,9,39,0,2,5,0,23,16,0,8,19,190,62,6,0.11333048837446545,0.13427809678514116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239339165681396,0.15848662507306155,0.1161204781171399,0.09326133554876276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072556414525344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20046321452552895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159653825945176,0.18934616157244907,0.12748154555456284,0.10037717442868344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185413535889423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05730330012229781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755885418968049,0.0,0.11842100526449666,0.1087169312347819,0.06440832824533818,0.09505623671989986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596303745323707,0.11973988324320442,0.0,0.22512549287646375,0.0,0.0,0.12132263176177775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456694512457205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158881027383974,0.0,0.1661026562270391,0.0,0.0,0.10029391590891272,0.1903381344433862,0.0,0.0,0.09634952847935424,0.0,0.3217081449494711,0.07564898101562027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13273129826736255,0.09045931458457064,0.0,0.08331094892835329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767956719386301,0.0,0.12059163002397467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07856909099959382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529784972285545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260241284568998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293930093219391,0.09030972628665558,0.0,0.1182284158356777,0.0,0.0,0.09374815110831036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18101174882161591,0.09474936288440078,0.0,0.2369552662722212,0.0,0.12396515999907785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905584208275997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899717486309308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107074195778251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350952183783537,0.20053577500489367,0.08995646657162826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14596223765427924 ptsd,JoeBlackBoi,2019/08/15,"Does anybody have good book recommendations on social anxiety enhanced by PTSD? Hey guys. I got PTSD at the begginning of the year then started last semester. It went horribly and I ended up dropping all of my classes, except for yoga, mostly due to incredibly awkward situation. My anxiety made me focus on the people adjacent to me instead of the content. My depression was so bad that if I applied myself I couldn't learn very much. I also had lousy study habits. This year I will do a lot better. My schedule will consist of fun classes. Today, at the college, I noticed I'm able to handle the pressure of social interactions. I have a daily reading habit and respect my inner voice of responsibility most of the time. How I experience social anxiety. I'm always aware if I'm in the line of sight of somebody. I used to twitch and still do weekly. I have to squeeze my thumb against my index finger or bite my cheeks so I don't twitch. So if yall have any good recommendations for my situation I would *love* to read those books.",2.8894609620497924,5.549575649746195,4.780246555474982,77.4991201353638,79.30456852791878,7.001111916847957,27.655064056079286,8.11559375814309,2.2615663040850857,821,36,143,16,21,279,122,197,0.11800000000000001,0.807,0.075,-0.7569,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,1,7,10,0,2,10,0,13,5,2,3,1,18,22,13,0,5,5,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,4,26,6,26,13,5,21,0,1,1,1,8,7,0,7,12,99,30,8,0.13610523949106684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10884331084753752,0.11325046241997587,0.0,0.0,0.09255623010145904,0.0,0.31236040702273016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364218985538928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037402385488012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722724333669478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910661227565605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054884401372362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13313704077010874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283172348315143,0.1088557934712555,0.0,0.0,0.1347655855314263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094393590954724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571180744588165,0.12284029254402146,0.12878606849346316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000530114955048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495671726003302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435823581524896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31819948297760914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722841430036585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305975983547898,0.0,0.41622645457250745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633598904160023,0.0,0.10869382007187116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936405967658337,0.0,0.1290118526695951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755122720546715,0.0,0.11230107667392078,0.0,0.0,0.10917541337824567,0.0,0.0,0.12617092058826354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966852570843602,0.0,0.0,0.17529462369336934 ptsd,thelastofthewolves,2019/08/15,"My Childhood Hello everyone; I’ve been reading through many of your stories and I am blown away by your bravery. Your courage has given me the confidence to post a bit about my past and my current journey to recovery from post-traumatic stress disorder and depression. When I was roughly four years old I was sexually abused by a neighbor repeatedly until I was six. The violation of trust broke me; the memories of this incident haunt me. Even as a young girl I would wake up in the middle of the night from nightmares of the Incident. My neighbor’s sick smile as he abused me and made me promise to keep his “secret.” I went from a sweet and friendly child to one that was often irritated and rebellious. Being the good girl had gotten me abused, so I believe subconsciously my mind decided that I could protect myself by becoming what my abuser didn’t want. My issues were not helped my my family life; my parents had a volatile marriage and fought constantly. My father was a philanderer and caused my mother a lot of pain and embarrassment. My father made me interact with his mistress and her family and even made me call her my “aunt.” Weird, much? But it was their screaming and fighting that affected my sister and I the most. You would think it was World War Three in our home the way we would cower. Eventually, my father admitted to my mother that he didn’t want to fix their relationship and so he pretty much emotionally abandoned us and moved out. He and I have not been close since I was a naive little girl. Looking back; it’s easy to see that I had PTSD. I was sometimes a very angry child and had trouble paying attention in school. I would get this empty stare in my eyes and dissociate from the present. My mind would flash to the abuse and all the life would be sucked out of me in a moment. Recently, I have developed a distaste for crowded and loud places—so big parties are a no go. Hell, even theme parks and restaurants can be Hell for me. Depression has been an even harder war to win—I cope with my issues of feeling inadequate by overeating, which affects everything else about me. There’s days all I want to do is lay in my bed and block out the world. I dealt with suicidal urges and the desire for all the pain to just go away. I am doing better now and will be going back to therapy and going on medication in a month. I’m sorry if this post is vague or disjointed; I just wanted to get my thoughts out for now. Thank you for reading.",5.833962264150943,6.449447899371068,6.245381551362684,78.60593396226417,66.86163522012579,9.630440251572328,31.20398322851153,9.642632912329526,2.7865827253668765,1956,73,374,39,30,632,246,477,0.217,0.685,0.098,-0.9965,3,0,0,0,7,0,40.0,3,5,2,1,17,27,8,2,29,0,43,8,2,6,3,77,70,34,3,13,7,8,2,0,3,7,6,2,4,5,13,34,0,4,7,2,1,7,5,19,0,4,27,9,67,8,59,31,8,52,2,4,4,0,45,22,3,5,20,268,80,4,0.0,0.4554735024147805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14446967373138062,0.11823775345378575,0.0,0.0,0.08491208832381797,0.0,0.08662168553967899,0.0,0.06799745052342135,0.08393716887277661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850692973784258,0.0,0.0,0.07898081487302386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308404661661417,0.0,0.06138543773287763,0.0,0.0,0.04958367402307234,0.0,0.13243976438627322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811546630876124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422652796322745,0.08648389787635324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031240314135533,0.0,0.0,0.07346574117805049,0.06909817889596166,0.0,0.14495835996256815,0.0,0.0388747464128736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059400213348290376,0.0,0.08033719767953702,0.0,0.17477928301308054,0.06448646220307798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153357330980534,0.0,0.07712069439794028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604933707900599,0.0,0.068337831242845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10861056710066123,0.0,0.07705773999603954,0.0,0.0,0.06456300678489943,0.0,0.0,0.06536383556690425,0.0,0.2182478588000244,0.0,0.07794807981050329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745231407945186,0.0,0.0,0.15526138999650346,0.0,0.061367895176235615,0.08171528471368264,0.11303684102289112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215021398253775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067658794274046,0.0,0.052098435270725316,0.0,0.16361951324590154,0.0,0.08537033284005935,0.0,0.07339426220233121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22090020958193146,0.07821843873493621,0.0,0.0,0.08987301789642321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380916039264605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759134518479974,0.0825444007080318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778104842761606,0.061266413985180825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359905264152843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604001875019896,0.08606509082320077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880701037605917,0.0,0.0,0.08409837040293328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078424976530903,0.0879232964624154,0.0,0.0,0.049264018175994496,0.0,0.06103712883700476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248171409971387,0.0,0.0,0.06343716576317054,0.1813921684181404,0.06102676143794075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127202909273818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276961643916096,0.0,0.0,0.04951062995111636 ptsd,lovem891,2019/08/15,"Repressed memories? TW: abuse TW: abuse I don’t know where else to ask this question or if this is even the right place. A few years ago i thought I had some memories resurface from childhood, but at the time I was in a downward spiral and going kind of crazy so I didn’t think it was real and I’m still not sure. Honestly if they are real, and I was abused as a child by this person then my whole life would fall apart and I would pretend it didn’t happen anyway. There is no way for me to even verify if it happened. But when I’m around this person, sometimes I feel normal and other times I feel like I’m holding my breath the whole time and want to get away. I hate when they are near my child but I never know why. I tense up and everything in me says get away. But it’s not like that all the time. I never leave my child with them just because I have no idea if they are really trustworthy or not. I don’t know does anyone has experience with this kind of thing? I haven’t talked to anyone about it and I don’t want to. It’s just very strange. Because sometimes it feels like it’s real and other times I can say to myself it didn’t happen and believe it. I just don’t know.",1.3465615797678832,3.1099331832669317,2.722660661701024,94.97977481378834,79.71713147410358,5.6401177897107235,19.279577342802703,6.498293943080001,-0.11037897107223316,923,21,212,8,23,299,124,251,0.142,0.772,0.086,-0.9323,0,0,0,0,3,0,20.0,0,0,4,0,14,9,1,1,7,0,22,2,1,0,4,55,44,25,0,9,16,0,3,3,0,2,1,2,0,5,19,13,0,2,11,1,0,2,15,2,0,0,8,5,30,7,23,34,5,30,0,0,0,0,14,13,0,8,17,146,49,0,0.0,0.3430624574998042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555446955851738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497066257801152,0.0,0.0,0.08591855672534561,0.09022822796673663,0.0,0.18135749954614708,0.0,0.0,0.11766894624697295,0.0,0.0,0.108739030761281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446067559798101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062565807132117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12749411514346548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674120058625122,0.09440990886832264,0.0,0.0,0.14640221624722702,0.1379002602594243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084990791074674,0.0,0.054851535483248566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560429254303093,0.0,0.0,0.09528829741609347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895336297291347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20101044265484866,0.21216784837246214,0.0,0.0,0.10219514526169166,0.0,0.0,0.06817119595040118,0.1414566406256433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148876192954341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456392655874288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685458489928324,0.1008373327969996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811856679835836,0.0,0.0,0.3295646188778301,0.061829796438833434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242303740868158,0.0,0.1535047469173557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19091103772573648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07707677433851405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096397463678578,0.0,0.0,0.07757487025974423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641200866184366,0.0618427308876357,0.0,0.07662190118832372,0.2813925260072549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963474592248679,0.11385375647325885,0.07660888665369868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708951642506045,0.21551046026933973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712256570290504,0.0,0.0,0.062152310702828575 ptsd,cafeaulattee,2019/08/15,"why I'm scared, all the time, like I have to be alert. My heart hurts from beating too fast. Why am I feeling this way? I have ptsd, anxiety, depression and I'm autistic. I have ptsd from rape that isnt important it was my own stupid fault to begin with. i have ptsd from my mum, i almost killed myself 50 or more times, so many because of her anger on me, i had no friends, so many took their anger out on me, students and teachers. i was never loved really. I was born processing disorder but this, i can't process. why are people so violent to me, why did i push the one i love to put their hands around my neck and squeeze, until i almost blacked out i was 14 im 20 now. Im in uni, pills don't help, just make me feel nothing. This isnt a question, I just wanted so badly to explode my feelings, my brain all over this post. am i speaking a different language? am i a person? does anyone understand. im crying alone",0.4850223214285734,2.614413588541669,2.3569642857142874,94.44875000000002,84.98958333333334,5.5321428571428575,21.642857142857146,6.868970318607317,0.4739982142857144,707,24,159,9,21,234,119,192,0.258,0.6809999999999999,0.061,-0.988,1,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,2,1,10,15,6,1,5,0,19,8,4,1,3,23,31,10,1,1,4,1,5,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,6,7,0,0,5,0,0,3,6,11,0,1,7,7,31,4,18,23,4,20,0,2,1,3,11,7,0,4,9,99,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269723548856723,0.1173783419438642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669909014085463,0.0,0.0,0.07924475370348769,0.0,0.0,0.10088999692542602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462794490493356,0.06908647024312238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651660653463978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244904839078813,0.0,0.0,0.09761315879197596,0.0,0.0,0.1184083925941498,0.12988892036593802,0.0,0.09917807777706747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719130268246353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756044658812275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429961679865673,0.07596441896312127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132483820876265,0.0,0.3672558041769964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538567437602408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536855902357198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20457410139233295,0.0,0.07565035681388352,0.22980283383412264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08740904888246175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874563781364907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679706859131016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07857051990474882,0.0989576107582816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854125438344923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3974390565110481,0.1139305148790459,0.12695839278047374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07260373323721622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346565304406228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217024198608293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591663250811105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179831808868394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684647402338613,0.08995810257450386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4090599925903653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,amd2019,2019/08/15,"New Hi everyone, I am new to this page, frankly this is my first post here. I was diagnosed with PTSD during my sophomore year in college and i kept it a secret all along. I was in medications for sleep and for day time use but i soon after tapered my self off of them to replace them with hard core studying and do good in school since that was and still is my passion. I became more and more reserved person and dealing with voices in my head to the point that i get headaches but i kept pushing through for school and work. Family problems did make my journey worst but i dealt with it by pushing more in school. Now i graduated, and stress has been building up from work, grad school prep and family problems. I am starting to feel like my stomach is tied up, want to vomit, shaking, weak and my muscles rust in place when thinking, get anxious and a family problem happens. Idk if those are PTSD ""flair ups"" and i would like to know if someone experiences these kind of symptoms as well. I am very ignorant about my past diagnosis. If someone can share their experience or their knowledge/expertise and educate me about the matter i would highly appreciate that help and guidance. Thank you so much",5.8454730713246015,6.781940563318777,5.770986899563319,80.87907132459972,66.94759825327512,8.55208151382824,33.17059679767103,8.648137234880735,2.6266696360989803,955,41,179,14,15,299,142,229,0.134,0.736,0.13,-0.2742,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,4,3,11,16,0,2,4,0,17,9,3,2,1,43,30,24,0,9,7,0,2,2,0,2,5,1,0,2,9,19,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,8,1,1,7,3,29,8,33,21,7,31,0,0,0,1,12,13,0,4,15,127,38,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277558934664065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0700885381121293,0.11204259576574624,0.0,0.11030622672578236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384681050657177,0.0,0.2126165391423338,0.3073567984952241,0.0,0.05495103376748976,0.07763982730901567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244173988800612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355989349969918,0.0,0.0,0.0911542347937685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610389652495632,0.0,0.09735444540915923,0.0,0.11153532982077037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284479998996847,0.11482463232256793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317176650480384,0.0597267730937354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618949405149622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254363538214402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948199330094546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989108407357083,0.0,0.0,0.2099244346220355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037457720697753,0.0,0.09489373395552117,0.113545733560365,0.0,0.10273615857967164,0.0,0.10408380757919217,0.0,0.0,0.3119714801318584,0.2540783257470774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399531257143415,0.0,0.0,0.11337520975227615,0.0,0.0,0.08989984531777298,0.0,0.10875682549430234,0.0,0.184165608424278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769230879190365,0.0,0.08679066214843102,0.0,0.12449067047938242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295840672290272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005641342966648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06963669158276048,0.0,0.0,0.0633712136123627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386319147470476,0.0,0.08967101163678436,0.06410130027628018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771487877221036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823825072255052,0.0,0.0,0.1544039482059662,0.0,0.0,0.06998528734820306 ptsd,temp9983,2019/08/15,"I am so tired of getting abused over and over again. TW financial abuse. There are details. I have a lot of issues around money. When I was 12, I had to give my mom my entire savings (over 1k) Or risk having us end up homeless. I never got that money back. My mom had a lot of credit cards (all in her name) and racked up a ton of debt trying to live large. It ended with maxed out cards and no food in the house because she didn’t make enough. My husband had spending issues early on, but because we were poor I never realized how bad it was until I was working and he did the same thing. He maxed out the credit card (only in his name), he bought and bought and bought while I had panic attacks over if I was making enough to feed the kids. I confronted him and he got better for a long time. No more sneaking. After we separated for two years (due to an unrelated issue), he went back to his wild spending. It ended with him draining down our account so I couldn’t pay the car payment. The idea of him having the card with him gives me panic attacks. I am constantly checking the account. Yesterday, he snuck out with his card after I told him to keep it at home and bought food for himself. We now have less than a dollar in our account. I wouldn’t have minded if he had told me and wasn’t being sneaky. I am so tired of him doing this. I explain what it does to me but he just calls me controlling (idk, I guess it is) and gets passive aggressive. I really wish I hadn’t come back, but now I’m stuck because he convinced me to put a bunch of debt (because I had amazing credit and he didn’t) in my name and I can’t afford it on my own. I feel like a fool. In almost every other way he is great. When I was separated from him my mom told me that because I’m ace combined with trauma from a terrifying pregnancy, I cannot function having sex that I will end up alone forever because that is all people want. It was definitely a reason why I decided to give him a second chance. It sucks because life won’t give me a fucking break. I keep having traumas happen. I just want it all to stop. I keep getting taken advantage of because I want to make people happy. In the end they take want they want and leave me broken. I want to scream, “I am important, too!” I don’t know the purpose of this. I guess ownership of my own fuck up.",2.2572401247401217,3.803436862785862,3.917213617463621,88.39594516632019,76.42203742203742,6.39004158004158,23.25161122661123,7.066338657993696,0.7590519334719334,1805,54,382,19,40,604,222,481,0.175,0.7040000000000001,0.121,-0.9833,3,1,0,0,2,0,56.0,6,0,2,5,17,26,7,3,22,0,42,9,0,6,5,75,87,27,0,11,8,4,1,1,0,3,3,1,1,1,19,26,3,5,7,0,20,4,14,15,0,2,30,2,72,11,59,52,14,56,0,0,0,3,50,23,3,8,28,270,91,5,0.0,0.16572564109420848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003088337813539,0.07243268881736882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062257939847025434,0.0,0.15912477801795213,0.0,0.16132958933489652,0.05839370682203154,0.34105908928266826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061852780793072326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141255853613701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060243741650047984,0.0,0.07557605885545292,0.07843926219012297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06120153621327115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097130504097885,0.1445253345689663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058924164983833724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03536178415150322,0.049962350598865085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913397471126293,0.0,0.0,0.12930956082705214,0.10961614823831996,0.2683562480857703,0.0,0.0,0.11186854631944006,0.07710477675192896,0.15408495687583262,0.0,0.061844245904696275,0.07444825921495052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015159198597122,0.0,0.0,0.08069684825517949,0.0,0.07894932336657555,0.0,0.2189852973708087,0.0,0.186487207823258,0.0,0.0,0.03843504140691915,0.0,0.0,0.07405221233754182,0.0,0.0,0.04939792262045575,0.034167236813913364,0.0,0.061754841254609436,0.06189123136906295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189143111099904,0.0,0.0,0.14004863239532356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706155057811588,0.2457248802143365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787803495390044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053189541422743083,0.0,0.16410984614392912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696974627910984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030507838476004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04480284462584745,0.07190593962190492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058469695666042175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258322963671537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046462424973429145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04078029153484188,0.1607624753465324,0.0,0.20048076876005969,0.0,0.04748200861484924,0.0,0.06831738951728583,0.0,0.0841244950442205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24750067710735926,0.05551200623958544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483144821190269,0.0631064356938677,0.0,0.08042304227634653,0.0,0.0,0.050914300268112084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04503654354273922 ptsd,Oggleshy,2019/08/15,"Nightmares... So, I keep getting frequent nightmares of the person I trust the most (my partner) betraying that trust through things like cheating, and choosing drugs over me, etc. Any advice on how to try and overcome this? It has really fucked with my paranoia, and making me constantly overthink, as well as always waking up feeling depressed. I mean, witnessing your partner cheating in your dreams almost every night is not something I really enjoy... Please help..",7.6538461538461515,10.116383102564104,6.272307692307695,73.24769230769235,64.12820512820512,7.764102564102564,37.358974358974365,8.344100000000001,3.602189743589743,374,19,50,5,6,111,63,78,0.21,0.61,0.18,-0.7165,0,0,2,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,0,0,3,9,3,0,2,0,2,3,1,2,0,13,8,7,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,4,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,10,5,10,8,2,7,0,1,0,1,6,4,1,2,4,37,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206847249817848,0.0,0.0,0.226142541447195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18791398352874,0.0,0.0,0.15357650226865666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440489280972136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945125680087792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26189853593478224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25186729301034233,0.0,0.0,0.190276914688446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418967393212685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087821208891112,0.117990202562572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15137338441532075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20073377672928086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033226191944484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074755654622402,0.0,0.0,0.2460020554338721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21193217111432616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19719164127888905,0.0,0.24790055950073406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893531727436767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385990089032255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003567509718665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332809730816668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030540534055856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,EvinaRegina,2019/08/15,"Terrible Irritability Days Before Wedding I'm getting married in just a few short days. The man I am going to say ""I do"" to is incredibly kind, supportive, and understanding of my struggles with PTSD. The wedding itself is tiny--immediate family only tiny. This hasn't stopped me from becoming increasingly hyper-vigilant and easy irritated by everything and everyone around me. Today has been a simple day of errands, but that didn't stop me from losing it in traffic or panicking inside of a Target. I couldn't even speak or respond to anything that someone said to me and it all just became way too much. I have so much guilt because it's his day too & I don't want my junky mood to ruin his enjoyment of what is supposed to be a joyous time. So, instead of having compassion for myself I'm trying to stuff it down & be strong. This time has been something I've looked forward to for awhile now, and instead of feeling loved and beautiful, I feel like this depressed grouch who wants to throw things and scream at my noisy-ish neighbors to keep it down. Anyways, I don't really post to reddit and get rid of my accounts if I start posting a lot. I just needed to say this to the void.",6.804355644355644,6.6898624891774885,7.37982683982684,73.80182817182819,64.80086580086581,10.224575424575427,34.65234765234766,9.851270322608157,3.344586813186813,949,39,173,18,13,314,143,231,0.14300000000000002,0.688,0.16899999999999998,0.8354,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,2,13,15,1,2,8,0,18,1,0,0,1,29,35,14,0,5,7,0,2,1,1,0,0,5,1,1,16,10,0,3,3,0,1,4,5,8,0,0,4,8,20,6,32,28,6,25,0,3,1,1,13,8,0,4,13,123,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29431079464552684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176409805143968,0.1209040635776767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08279150803033355,0.14999689672232375,0.11556848444718765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35035752286242844,0.0,0.11697718224063745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970446659364074,0.0,0.0,0.12977696591431004,0.12206168294945766,0.0,0.1280342091306435,0.0,0.1373441976968242,0.09702619823492233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191536895599216,0.0,0.07718674272659809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071853157196866,0.0,0.14143032811996412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635230433536883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405031782831325,0.15194214323218136,0.0,0.11546497897347965,0.12257825807729485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19967917058014906,0.10070503423136036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329335846390124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601462805173321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15876036085844325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700650854194683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291910799043129,0.21601093393711784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507553178801384,0.10455695238093046,0.0,0.0,0.0961304917329216,0.0,0.0,0.22709469087941003,0.0,0.1419832316233909,0.15547557754612273,0.0,0.15412114942561475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902293907694876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15838953144159598,0.0,0.12873665345510632,0.0,0.0,0.09220940818907948,0.0,0.0,0.14138811019672085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021430452101015,0.10780355322078478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shatteringtwopeals,2019/08/15,"is it possible to experience abuse and not develop some form of PTSD? (discussion of family violence and mistreatment by parents) hello. long story short: i was raised in a household where displays of violence occurred, albeit on a relatively infrequent basis, and this violence was never directed at me. as for trauma (or what could be referred to as trauma) directly incurred on my part, i do not remember much about my childhood and early adolescence despite it not really being that long ago, but i know that my mother was highly inconsistent in her behavior and would go from being ""normal"" and affectionate to berating myself and my father, calling me names, generally yelling, etc. i do not know the frequency with which this happened, but i have evidence that it did happen. she also engaged in emotionally manipulative behavior of various flavors. the details are not so important---basically, i have some reason to believe that i may have experienced some form of trauma in my childhood, although the ""severity"" of this trauma---if it be ""trauma"" at all---may be relatively mild to moderate. i do not believe that i meet the criteria for c-ptsd, but i am diagnosed with bpd and am currently in outpatient therapy for this, and discussions of ""trauma have come up a lot in sessions. this troubles me a lot, as my memories of my childhood are so shaky that i feel that i cannot accurately report anything that happened, and fear that i may unintentionally paint myself as having been ""really"" traumatized when i am not fully certain that this is the case. here is my question: is having ptsd a necessary condition for having experienced abuse? that is to say---if i do not have c-ptsd or ptsd, am i correct in thinking that i wasnt ""really"" abused? i am loath to ask my therapist this question because i fear that it would come off as me invalidating my experiences so as to avoid facing genuine trauma. if no one has any answer for this, or if this is too incoherent to respond to, that is perfectly alright",10.700030991735536,8.844167961432511,11.169419765840221,55.39231146694215,58.09090909090909,14.915220385674932,45.00154958677686,13.526455162492043,6.403639256198348,1602,81,248,53,16,551,178,363,0.151,0.799,0.05,-0.9899,3,1,0,0,4,0,60.0,0,0,0,1,9,16,0,4,10,1,44,2,1,2,4,60,55,30,0,6,16,3,1,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,30,14,0,1,10,0,0,3,12,11,0,1,6,5,37,5,47,39,11,29,0,0,0,0,15,16,0,15,10,217,67,2,0.0,0.3307683192926528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248850168591057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07441682464773197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06328124982492883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657713345910819,0.0,0.08699476921728995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056726054880358,0.0,0.0,0.20968442136482696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117200735154224,0.0,0.09502054844954504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603189548052262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429761907224118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444984954281108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046754399351366,0.0,0.0,0.10378200347234308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820531870991184,0.08772488563739061,0.20942767205086485,0.047051893856035865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0528858515578779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24686725772494586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831874018894576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228225368282652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470320821596407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582257139611279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840684424206801,0.0,0.07177049987497416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117509179379413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06305713278201475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332764094673877,0.10077054599758252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490662293193644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5438872389896489,0.0,0.20848796388187607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884210938725167,0.09567703439998998,0.0,0.0,0.10541427249971794,0.0,0.0,0.07400184140132376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512675744178772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064176102574489,0.10804515209192664,0.0,0.05962650738658212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220858069167232,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hiddensideoftruth,2019/08/13,"Seeing symptoms in someone else makes me feel connected I just had a casual dinner with a work colleague whom I rarely see (we work in different cities). During the dinner, I realized that his hands are shaking - and mine too. At one point, I casually slipped it into the conversation and he avoided an answer and changed the topic. From his eyes and face I could see that we share a symptom, experience, feeling... &#x200B; Does this ever happen to you? Do you think talking about it openly would be better?",5.773276397515524,7.7042937500000015,6.081366459627329,74.87108695652175,68.02173913043478,8.300621118012423,31.62111801242236,8.841846274778883,2.8810726708074537,403,17,65,7,7,129,72,92,0.045,0.857,0.098,0.594,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,2,2,0,3,4,6,0,2,7,0,6,7,3,1,1,20,14,4,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,9,2,1,5,2,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,7,13,4,8,10,0,8,0,0,4,0,11,6,0,0,1,48,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20108133249762628,0.2255061584205996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641349021392054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19632438336202485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14817456739187165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19389688554619333,0.0,0.0,0.16240673464206473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503250196644072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678723096483222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153779742587936,0.0,0.0,0.18767476277557307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411225363334345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387946711637893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575723808675476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543786593256586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4436617896613925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724561715567684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.385787868430776,0.0,0.14916623955430502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891541138760392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702162646478356,0.0,0.0,0.13183430030533128,0.0,0.2255061584205996,0.0 ptsd,KhidaTempestas,2019/08/13,"Got fired because I didn’t recognize my symptoms soon enough. I had been struggling, and I recognize that now. Two days ago I was at work, and having been dealing with some really intense triggering issues involving stalking, so I let my manager know not to give any information, I don’t exist. He says okay and “don’t let this effect work”. I don’t want to divulge too many details right now, but having told him multiple times why I had PTSD, this kind of set me off. I told him I’m mentally ill and doing the best I can, and I’ll let him know when I need reasonable accommodation. I was deciding between cutting back hours or transferring back to the closer location, so I could make room for therapy again. Well, he went off. Saying I already get reasonable accommodation and he doesn’t understand what my personal life (the thing triggering me) has to do with work and reasonable accommodation. He brings up my being late (one time I was 3 hours late, and twice I was 10 mins late, but other than that I was consistently an HOUR EARLY without pay, just to make sure the store would look nice), saying I don’t do my job, etc. I told him I’m not in a position to be gaslit (which is absolutely what that was) and he said he just wrote a text as a sincere attempt to get through to me. I ignored it. I ended up fired mere hours later. I’m more just angry at this situation than anything. I had told him easily at least 3 times why I have PTSD. I never had asked for reasonable accommodation so he can’t really say he gave me any. I know being late is bad and there’s no excuse, but I actually had legitimate excuses for the two times I was 10 mins late; sorry I can’t predict a construction truck catching fire on the highway while still leaving 1.5 hrs before my shift as usual? Also yeah my commute was about an hour twice a day. He said “everyone has problems”, that I need to “get my issues sorted out”, etc etc ignorant bullshit. I’m just venting more than anything. I appreciate anyone who listens. I’m looking at a career change while I continue saving for school. I WANT to work. I WANT to take care of myself. I’m doing my best.",4.1555719868209335,5.484098612826604,5.626641636656196,78.91097770285803,71.18527315914491,9.04270937092943,28.54501570760861,9.454032385205345,2.5432373151482652,1680,63,327,38,31,568,213,421,0.105,0.785,0.11,0.0561,1,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,0,8,20,16,1,1,14,2,43,3,0,9,2,55,81,23,0,8,11,0,3,0,0,1,3,7,1,1,14,13,0,2,11,0,2,3,13,6,1,5,26,12,52,10,39,47,10,53,0,0,2,0,36,14,0,3,35,216,66,10,0.0,0.0,0.06555931793931984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955222360844869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741363031475927,0.05372491063696218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137125933371028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046974770107881626,0.0,0.11056907282460086,0.0,0.06280550432252953,0.0,0.0,0.1033166404967824,0.05609363080769983,0.04095313450501451,0.0,0.05716639062030726,0.0,0.14100538857529066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849587560192373,0.0,0.07106897269161959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053638850677793184,0.0,0.0,0.08665284097356793,0.06926103393412615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059502745934459235,0.06941630529107118,0.2247749304812536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06419467004749049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052984659559672,0.06444648372358203,0.0,0.0,0.05373107204310228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308005428365101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023977458701034,0.0666671351802575,0.0,0.0,0.06995905000864486,0.11076335825001693,0.0,0.3789175107584796,0.0711353617610767,0.0,0.20609248188098692,0.047452182520013014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11283084744998935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968816114207932,0.06811135617816003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770301131504737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996282568182706,0.051814407701560115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04552382931915452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586601736840394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428349005488397,0.15706283330213844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607620109599994,0.2762945152514341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573725157736154,0.12780971860618706,0.21370126097568926,0.0,0.06799112462824983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551466527967776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520403414446689,0.0,0.0,0.05365112219281081,0.0,0.0,0.07023254583065397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06331763829332072,0.06982715803494112,0.0505120231347525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682774195680171,0.0,0.04463231150632603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669596893771598,0.0,0.0,0.256778680189962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13125285699049347,0.06993816675225495,0.0,0.0,0.07399077854263145,0.0,0.11887592312497187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060404112277628534,0.062277795307813986,0.1212414589877037,0.0,0.0,0.06476043525500243,0.0,0.19563532562000774,0.0,0.0,0.04772371178643254,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_PuzzleheadedFox_,2019/08/13,"So I was basically fired by my therapist today and I need some help on what to do next I had a bad PTSD episode which came from a previous car accident and now I'm scared to drive a certain amount of miles away from my house. The good news is that the grocery store, vet, post office etc are all close by. Unfortunately all of my doctors' offices are all located outside of that area. I have been requesting phone appointments and was given a few, but now I've been told that I need to get over it and that I am no longer a patient. I called to find a new therapist, but I have been told that I need to have the first appointment be in person at that clinic and that I cannot be treated otherwise. I was told that they were looking in to getting a case manager for me, but I don't know what that means. I've been working on facing my fear and expanding my area slowly driving a little more each day, but in the meantime does anyone have any advice? Any books I can read or workbooks or podcasts that can help out? I'm having panic attacks multiple times a day and counting breaths isn't working for me anymore.",6.303533333333334,5.539560297777783,6.7216111111111125,80.26775000000002,66.02222222222223,9.988888888888887,33.861111111111114,9.2995712137729,2.7933777777777777,877,34,181,14,12,286,130,225,0.12,0.8390000000000001,0.040999999999999995,-0.9534,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,3,3,8,1,3,13,0,26,4,2,0,4,29,41,14,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,14,11,0,0,3,2,1,4,4,5,0,1,14,2,21,3,24,25,9,28,0,0,1,0,10,14,0,3,9,124,35,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107903684078095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18243818189422129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302980166519038,0.0937930779971109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260242912883312,0.12602796619199486,0.0,0.11200042655674408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697087328147015,0.1534192323981458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730170611466483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729690699508176,0.11738590568852525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496003956876283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094362008099754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260057705818135,0.11409852875742775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016413786524773,0.0,0.0,0.11250939340365597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982103142052325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477834715837815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371926302642115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444247502225729,0.0,0.0,0.1126429405727028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611664894244902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983870120389712,0.0,0.12955224106354551,0.14265830311561156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15738316481860096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117124963741931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284680418893529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568012631091408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341752574455562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342964972264968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31149133692316233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821750485768815,0.0,0.12714804728998486,0.3845265669806552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19530951735077104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ufoschaseme,2019/08/13,"Anyone here have a romantic relationship with a combat vet with ptsd? My bf of 6 years has ptsd. There are moments when I don't want to be with him anymore and than I remember he's the love of my life I have to keep going no matter what. There are moments where he is impossible to talk to. He takes out the ptsd card a lot. Blames just about everything on his ptsd. He's a very smart individual. He graduated being valedictorian, and was on the mag cum laude (sorry if I spelled it wrong). He has a pension. I don't know what else to say. I can turn this into a novel. I need some advice. Can anyone relate?",1.162652307692305,3.3244362560000056,3.5472,86.75698461538461,82.44,6.406153846153848,20.015384615384615,7.61054688173877,0.651652307692308,472,13,102,8,13,163,83,125,0.071,0.815,0.114,0.7295,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,9,0,14,2,0,0,0,17,22,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,1,11,2,16,19,2,10,0,0,0,1,13,5,0,3,4,66,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332632316976744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15560818001815835,0.21942406863334646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107448383477396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410166238146422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917306069801832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13946489465649264,0.0,0.0,0.08623120690424199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082705599368567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333955186445437,0.14161341781841147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634350424551075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7336569361614367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684578796233644,0.17774344258723665,0.0,0.0,0.12477762011307507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756429580360131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797347390604335,0.12611476694988186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706682215374762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12946354134399538,0.09254698020065358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17155162738499052,0.0,0.10104205335360256 ptsd,Firyali,2019/08/13,"I might be finally able to work through my PTSD. This is my first post on here, so I'll give a little backstory. I don't know if a trigger warning would apply here; I'm not going to describe anything, and the trauma was ""minor"" compared to what other people have gone through. But regardless... My PTSD stemmed from a very minor car accident when I was 17. It took years for a therapist to put the pieces together and diagnose me, but I've only driven a car a handful of times since the accident over 6 and a half years ago, and being in or around cars causes me to become hypervigilant. It's been almost impossible to accept because when I was 17 I wanted to be a mechanic and work on cars, and I went from loving them to being terrified of them. Recently I've been obsessed with the idea of getting a car for myself. I don't know why, but it just got into my head that I want an adorable, typical girl car with a cute paint job and girly accessories. I'm starting to see myself have the same passion I used to for cars. I want to look at engines and talk about hybrid vs electric. I even drove a couple days ago, and didn't need to stop because I was anxious. I feel the best I have about driving in 6 years. Like I could actually do it. I don't know if anyone will care, but I have nowhere else to share this and I'm honestly kind of excited. I was so excited to get my license 7 years ago that I got a 100% on my permit test. PTSD stole that dream from me, but maybe I can take it back. It won't be easy, but I have a loving wife and an abandonded office complex near the house to practice driving in, so there's no reason to not try. Thanks for reading.",4.519962406015036,4.612396184210528,5.770200501253133,82.69973684210527,69.6140350877193,8.853467000835417,29.736006683375106,8.704169506293173,2.113790142021721,1293,46,273,20,21,435,181,342,0.08900000000000001,0.7490000000000001,0.162,0.9832,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,2,5,14,17,0,1,22,0,29,6,2,5,0,51,60,25,0,9,13,1,2,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,13,15,0,1,8,2,0,16,8,2,0,2,15,4,34,15,44,35,3,46,0,0,2,3,9,12,0,5,18,181,47,5,0.10577534928179654,0.0,0.10322148262146176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2812903950568159,0.0,0.1059187330881718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949603693227392,0.0,0.07396058361720305,0.0,0.08704409981506656,0.09416248653712354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133471447504416,0.0,0.12895934230177253,0.11682056293461042,0.0,0.0,0.11100470325079033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784501815027774,0.10866042087334728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08445300938300843,0.11703841210101053,0.0,0.0682163497104423,0.0,0.0,0.10735975296741293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08836173152857353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986362060954858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053483194790514416,0.0,0.0,0.11587172487998156,0.0,0.0899724580637339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052650856639074,0.10146935338536038,0.060114568590725725,0.0,0.1691964191654045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855602455212984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205055140095016,0.0,0.11940749431938308,0.0,0.0,0.10496571275803893,0.0,0.0,0.1101487491277007,0.1743940971027357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051676492739817885,0.1060146881616752,0.0,0.0,0.08882465319425431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909327649443613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626555552681607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122109300481456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843108121786799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044691954859337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333130883346459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130354560481004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37093716868393706,0.1063334413757136,0.0,0.0,0.10580397359352556,0.0,0.0,0.10875467592123254,0.10444039658255516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428925859695427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749846197820148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486833664439052,0.0,0.0,0.0884329283061951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952989875527103,0.08501821905368939,0.0,0.09738373025231536,0.0,0.12281333315049946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167845678904179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752030503191407,0.07181451888605887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135594017288516,0.0,0.08727574084820909,0.1871671246536128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805480850210273,0.09544580042369616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15401142811095533,0.0,0.0,0.07513977328675674,0.0,0.0,0.2724634278257041 ptsd,pantyloversunite,2019/08/13,"Anyone dating someone with PTSD? My partner of 6 years is a combat vet with PTSD. This past week I've tried to communicate to him how he makes me feel and every time I try he gets defensive, interrupts me, takes the conversation over, he goes on a tangent and starts adding things to the convo that weren't even mentioned. If only he would listen to me. I talk to him with respect, I don't raise my voice. He seems to act up when it's not in a good light towards him. He seems to always blame his PTSD for everything. All his friends have no issue with him so he says, he acts up with me. What I'm I doing wrong? I feel like I have no opinion or voice with him. Someone give me sound advice. Please.",1.5061904761904756,3.5354253333333365,2.7617063492063494,93.58250000000002,80.3888888888889,5.503174603174603,20.007936507936503,6.5431188927421005,0.05261865079365125,544,14,120,5,14,175,95,144,0.11900000000000001,0.799,0.083,-0.6447,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,5,0,7,0,0,2,1,21,18,7,0,2,3,0,2,1,2,1,0,5,0,1,5,8,0,1,4,0,0,2,5,2,0,0,1,8,20,4,21,16,1,15,0,0,0,0,23,6,0,5,8,70,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688291046654326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13358646664731375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122569360627489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603858985847772,0.0,0.13526625448762467,0.0,0.1442876729243117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623529530027624,0.1146935223054952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403682256426818,0.0,0.0838782402637117,0.1540095840003545,0.0,0.13465769597796878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756747689359028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843427482218429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071651670438154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221018583486546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15325855859552978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762304177779849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5630062391579669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767198612565275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923086391838351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720588523934317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363471823468475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071000961613253,0.12904014968128116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665909652334173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361519665734518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21799930343151752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287796747696742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404670316391267,0.17553097239297788,0.0,0.10338584453027916 ptsd,jesseistired,2019/08/13,"I’m scared to be vulnerable with someone new I just got out of a really long and emotionally draining relationship. Girl knew all about my PTSD triggers and such. I was very emotionally vulnerable with her. Today I was sitting eating breakfast and I got hit hard with the realization of how I’m going to have to start over that process of vulnerability. It’ll never be the same again. I’m so scared that if I open up to much then I’ll scare any possible interests away. I don’t know how to go about this. I live life mostly normally despite my PTSD, but I know for sure I definitely can’t be in a serious relationship without it coming up. Thank you to anyone who read this far, any advice is much appreciated.",4.766618705035974,6.097631741007196,6.554741007194245,72.82578057553961,69.71942446043165,9.876546762589928,29.727338129496413,10.125756701596842,3.0257706474820147,568,22,109,15,10,197,91,139,0.095,0.79,0.115,0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,3,4,0,10,3,0,3,3,25,24,9,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,7,9,2,0,3,1,0,3,4,4,0,0,5,1,13,3,22,14,5,19,0,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,7,73,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13704669100441855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19074407124180612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806320894955094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176565953569852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12080944284990013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350658977107233,0.0,0.3155155694221081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940997791838085,0.0,0.22433494970790932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256327982458891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541509810348589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905984167427596,0.0,0.0,0.12383971780158265,0.1241132269377362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2061937778984256,0.0,0.10816630027919574,0.13545038457623054,0.0,0.0,0.13741122570040232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15810620376198525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3278799535355653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402838736900037,0.0,0.08984512829201008,0.0,0.0,0.3011432674928309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212318995156681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11882991387685493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926678483316484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321801209434382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911960156299054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329367347269405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571757269143686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351920633031397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WellThatsFantasmic,2019/08/13,"Do I really have a choice? My therapist keeps telling me I get to choose how I feel in a moment. She says I make the choice to feel depressed or anxious. I don't know if I get that. How can something feel so abrupt and uncontrollable and still somehow be all in my head? The emotions are a *reaction,* not an *action*. It feels like she's blaming me, I know she's not, but that's how it feels. If it's really all up to me, why am I still so miserable? If all I have to do is *decide* to be happy, why can't I just do that?",-0.7256477732793485,1.1983758684210528,2.0107017543859658,96.2658097165992,88.56140350877193,5.612955465587046,18.418353576248318,7.010146845296331,0.05007503373819233,395,11,98,6,13,137,61,114,0.131,0.807,0.062,-0.7555,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,2,6,0,13,1,1,4,3,28,24,12,0,3,8,0,5,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,1,9,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,0,6,18,2,8,22,3,8,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,5,5,72,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21768506676724106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16596377764666706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167505275123518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4871497468780925,0.13765790969931588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013453417744819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20512228951285,0.0,0.0,0.19775572528827765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127189378205346,0.0,0.0,0.2117949774526152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413869330863038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862219758615642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468845386917197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323497250703375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834232167317196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3077652680813007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841971856568827,0.0,0.0,0.2237281613107062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34774584950730697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hotbref,2019/08/13,"Trauma and Family Drama; Struggle with taking steps forward. I come from a traumatic and abusive home life from a child up until I was 16. I ran away at 16 and began a new life with my Aunt and Uncle taking on the role of Mom and Dad, to this day. My real Mom and Dad have suddenly come back into the picture now that my brother is in the hospital basically dying from a brain injury. A year ago the injury happened, and the discussions immediately went toxic and my PTSD became a problem. My real mom didn’t tell me what happened, I got a text on Facebook from my brothers estranged half brother that he met one time. My mom in the midst of this tragic incident has decided to ramp up the drama by pretending I don’t exist. When I visited him in the hospital with my best friend, the doctors told me I had to leave because my mother had put me on a list of people that weren’t allowed to see him and I had to leave. I went ballistic and had to be taken out of the hospital. It was unreal my head was ringing. Since that day it’s been an impossible struggle to deal with and his health has deteriorated. He was living with them when he took a turn for the worst with his lungs aspirating from pneumonia. I find out that she was smoking cigarettes and pot and giving him pot while he was still sick and in recovery. I feel as though she is the reason he has taken such a bad turn, considering she can’t take care of herself with MS and Lupus and my dad being a complete disaster of a person just completely out of touch and whacked out. They quite possibly are the worst people I’ve ever met and abused the hell out of my brother and I and scared us into silence for so many years. It breaks my heart to not be able to see my brother, but the pain of involving myself with their insanity makes it feel like I have to separate myself from caring because I only end up hurt. I just want to be able to conquer these issues with my PTSD and be able to not have such horrible anxiety attacks and flashbacks and night terrors. I want to start school. I want to learn how to do something that helps people. I’m just in so much pain all the time. There’s so many people out there that have it worse, and I do have things I love about my life and to be thankful for, but I feel lost a lot of times. I’m glad this thread exists.",7.086242368177615,5.595154480851065,7.669352451433859,76.47369565217394,64.82978723404256,10.727104532839963,32.98797409805735,9.653516015845867,2.8237382053654025,1826,59,371,30,23,609,226,470,0.15,0.7659999999999999,0.084,-0.9828,2,0,2,0,1,0,31.0,1,0,3,4,19,24,2,4,30,0,34,13,4,4,2,70,72,37,1,4,7,14,4,1,1,0,8,1,1,2,18,44,0,0,7,3,0,10,6,16,0,2,25,7,54,8,70,41,6,54,1,3,2,1,47,22,1,1,24,262,72,3,0.23001735736167125,0.18168863717130684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06796550294931332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058654216265495135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722598346092261,0.07203629298322632,0.05895638322899669,0.06401829518851998,0.09347763073583393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804630085359514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559181404099299,0.0,0.0,0.15634535045565914,0.0,0.0,0.1320930574922365,0.16077921528690262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889477775805296,0.0790459318038715,0.0,0.0,0.07957390062802665,0.0,0.0,0.07847750397654762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790903528456976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935462282528768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227996450000533,0.0,0.11630368713035068,0.0547748153529397,0.0,0.0,0.0700772325042626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05923694657163401,0.0,0.0,0.07355120286333988,0.0,0.0,0.061321964389204515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560239298062507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868805622076004,0.08149923159297037,0.0,0.09085722532132548,0.051391928693909066,0.0,0.0769087213009074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08207944612926969,0.0,0.0,0.0800261202333363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16237011304098548,0.0,0.0,0.16246806192595725,0.037458287393803684,0.0,0.06770318022123188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08369703905511539,0.06518417724345127,0.06919988183204105,0.0,0.05117945738432244,0.15546766514195168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591913985906885,0.0,0.0,0.0563630745990579,0.0,0.0,0.0740507323562595,0.0,0.07195190269360477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051955238081422016,0.05831285508421355,0.16316979044155566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21262009827777414,0.06694742808838114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643666989408867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07336518215748927,0.17925198780502888,0.07707699178962686,0.0,0.08155059098343356,0.0,0.17454007325715107,0.0,0.07883205090152304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676250052381996,0.07759661523021373,0.12219603557973495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06342424498111993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05902619977611617,0.0,0.0,0.05426915647781067,0.0,0.06123071957152131,0.0,0.0,0.16030938935801192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294442672265326,0.0,0.06701510291983964,0.0705896929506818,0.0,0.0,0.05093777050648224,0.0,0.07533029524864332,0.0,0.13412497082817915,0.0,0.0,0.07326381404545787,0.08518591582166309,0.0,0.16679522244173228,0.0,0.0,0.09222751987195613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567019691614648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421522631463744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813577936138114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874909115041536 ptsd,bogwitch7,2019/08/13,"I fell apart at work and now my coworkers are gossiping about me. I’m so overwhelmed. Last week, the flashbacks were so bad the night before my shift (I’m a server) that I was awake all night, and I wasn’t able to call in. Needless to say, I was not in a good head space. Of course, that one day in particular was absolutely CRAZY at the restaurant, and I was struggling to keep up. My coworker asked me why I was so overwhelmed, and said that I should have been handling this better. So I, not wanting to divulge my whole mental health history, just joked that I must have partied too hard last night. I thought I made it clear that I was kidding, but I guess not, because she started spreading it around that I wasn’t able to perform my job and that I was falling apart. When my supervisor came to talk to me, I broke down crying and explained what happened. Now the coworker is accusing me of lying, and I heard her and some other girls talking about how I’m incompetent at my job. I can’t do this anymore. I understand making a hangover joke was probably in poor taste, but considering we’re all college kids, I thought it would go better than explaining the real reason. Just feel super demoralized and I hate myself for it. Why did I have to fall apart at work?",4.326666666666668,5.579760481927714,4.9696586345381535,84.07127510040162,70.68674698795179,7.9429718875502,29.49598393574297,8.344100000000001,2.021668273092369,996,39,199,15,18,320,140,249,0.171,0.738,0.091,-0.9714,2,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,0,6,14,13,1,3,8,0,23,3,1,4,4,39,45,17,0,4,7,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,3,15,11,1,1,7,2,1,5,6,7,0,1,19,6,36,6,25,23,4,31,0,3,0,0,15,15,0,2,11,137,51,5,0.2542754776694915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260864739945378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317954232884142,0.11885662347730205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10615470138011382,0.07750198554383288,0.0,0.10818485161143557,0.0,0.0,0.22488599652115046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298218462016415,0.14541170334686354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965483618167435,0.08199332370570067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428466081647305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225530687012721,0.10663710332542192,0.0,0.0,0.14005655296188874,0.0,0.11242748257273524,0.0,0.11389044159904868,0.12552219569194115,0.13047999928299098,0.13514147115263914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523291762371164,0.11300586390255846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20726845199655325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203008025473572,0.0848654279129143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812493763011645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35793046604935075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615182218496656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370759858260237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471058078721394,0.0,0.1307187702826202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120937103881086,0.10110503285657384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998874592158361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132911969192674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437699716683144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186632642310146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235486988014902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498913238996198,0.0,0.101982225263046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294440685761836,0.14194474505858687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18511557614971266,0.0,0.0,0.09031500190827288,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,asianstyleicecream,2019/08/13,"The uncommon form of PTSD ? Would you consider this PTSD? So my therapist and I have concluded that i like have to have some sort of PTSD, but not like the general type where you’d think of a war veteran or like rape. It’s more of past experiences have created my outlook and reaction to things. And have let others create who i am. about me: -21 yr female -VERY sensitive person (crying is my outlet to any stressful situation and boy do i have have them daily) -depression & anxiety my whole life Some (daily) examples: (to self): “i’m going to be productive today and clean my room!” (in mind): *thinks back to a time where i was in my room & my brother told me i was being lazy, i’m messy, i’m gross, i’m useless, etc* (to self): “yeah he’s right i’m gross” *cries and doesn’t complete task* ^ basically happens with anything i do. But looking up what PTSD is, i keep thinking like “nah i’m probably overreacting to what everyone’s saying and my experiences” but another part of me is like “i don’t think this is normal that you should be replaying bad memories in your head to reassure your lack of ability that depletes your confidence.” I mean i don’t need this clarification bc i’m going on medication or anything (last antidepressant i was on i was really suicidal so frick those pills!) i just want to know if my thoughts/what i’m saying is valid in this sense, or if like i said, i’m overreacting. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯",1.1836992027999216,3.801875147482015,3.384874586817034,84.17712910752479,88.89208633093527,7.609721952167995,23.34085164300992,8.441846121484758,2.0736335601788847,1113,44,220,32,37,378,152,278,0.187,0.682,0.131,-0.9762,0,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,6,1,1,7,15,2,1,4,1,29,5,1,1,0,38,53,17,2,8,10,1,0,6,0,2,3,3,3,4,14,8,0,1,8,0,0,2,4,8,0,0,6,4,34,7,25,40,8,19,0,2,1,1,19,12,0,8,11,135,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22138749748260272,0.0,0.0694744568717969,0.10712698835088913,0.07815454310808014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16814316311985486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855716925294112,0.08530197707134507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107116136844672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244428834332023,0.0,0.0,0.08799298602014323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393893679811001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762128415730813,0.0,0.199870361765648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612336429356145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034255116283599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10484888339756436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080731692726887,0.0,0.0,0.05614620477548155,0.08327661662630463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10446876000507456,0.07216086616293353,0.2994705775580621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579132981349345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128563900170296,0.0,0.1029186426237303,0.0,0.0,0.1031556752063078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575269381210775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009821234780264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063275411318643,0.09752630288728928,0.0,0.08920493679132972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1101491733097555,0.0,0.4776931003460889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544834080584773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724678639227146,0.09718056692938734,0.16248850182616015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2131569282413532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483568015627822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702756260417377,0.0,0.0,0.1117499229249477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861931109110704,0.06787266857097699,0.2618481289358534,0.0,0.0,0.059572164241427875,0.0,0.09683873667303904,0.09762128415730813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08429531215225756,0.060258482842163674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406152747798835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257378261930843,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,starrie_nights,2019/08/13,"Is it PTSD? **Trigger warning** Right off the bat, I was molested as a child. From the ages 12-17 it wasn't everyday nor did it follow a specific pattern but it did happen maybe 10 times per year. Every time I think about it I immediately get anxiety and push the thoughts away. I have had dreams about it, maybe 5 times or so. I try not to remember those dreams so the number may be off. Every time I do remember it the memories are a bit blurry. The only way this has affected my life is I see every guy as a predator. Even my dad and grandpa but I try to calm my anxiety as much as I can when I'm around them. I'm not sure if it's because of my overactive imagination but when I see someone that could be a potential predator my mind creates scenarios where they would molest me and I would think of ways to escape. I do dissociate but that's from some other trauma and its triggered by very high anxiety or stress levels. I think I remember having dissociated when the event happened though before. It is rarely triggered when I think about the event but i think i have forced myself to dissociate so I couldnt think about it. I have never talked about it to family or a professional. If the reasoning why contributes to PTSD, (obviously not sure) it's because I didn't want to be the one to break my family apart over this. In my mind they would take him to court and so many people would be sad and conflicted. I also feared of people not believing me and that I'm lying. I used to have a therapist who I also never addressed this too because of the previous reasons. I have lied to one family member when they asked me if I ever have been molested. Sorry if it's so long and while I could have done my own research there was no straight answer I could find. If you get this far thank you and please comment if you think I may have PTSD or not it would be really helpful. Btw I am a bit dissociated while typing this so sorry if there are any mistakes.",2.306647964420115,4.396362412658235,4.137564146424907,84.41286007526514,78.03797468354429,7.6120424221690035,23.58706808073897,8.524219190627866,1.6099982894286688,1543,51,313,33,37,521,185,395,0.15,0.777,0.07200000000000001,-0.9827,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,3,4,0,27,12,3,2,19,0,44,1,0,7,6,75,67,46,0,18,21,2,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,2,26,10,0,1,16,2,0,2,12,8,0,2,10,2,49,4,33,41,5,38,0,1,2,0,17,13,0,14,20,232,75,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248850875150132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05309877477207375,0.0,0.17919868691747606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695099757977934,0.07299659330049599,0.0,0.07336107521276744,0.0,0.0,0.14279509428781156,0.0,0.06644245295982666,0.08797223422472185,0.0,0.0,0.1704917246583355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18702755802702886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990550296502133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05157275212567138,0.07063008784507795,0.19736361138813807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22082768389938176,0.08786451610890812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136598666515044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815897627388538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731394704943846,0.1380961864986482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233705109063467,0.08249844394050314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515197602500179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910055175500224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079163395306084,0.15688872425636133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576821240747113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573996187705982,0.0,0.12044406893617117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582144001985076,0.05938525666083772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10826514230218512,0.0,0.0,0.08571113276022968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738227776892574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05002164628747745,0.16056362080458428,0.0,0.0,0.26535673973143553,0.06668202485957238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244432797083869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615904538530279,0.0,0.0,0.17481392289468572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08944323523551516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14718365662697036,0.0,0.058708319427189175,0.06275975248873215,0.0,0.07188787150675496,0.0,0.09065979594296228,0.0,0.35022477375957123,0.07671565577121668,0.061988779841900626,0.18212212511874507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602577848731944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743820627441019,0.0,0.06442623657460206,0.04605507912710024,0.12395650160225785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045730759070933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773378239409062,0.0,0.0,0.05028256732175889 ptsd,havnter666,2019/08/13,"I am super uncomfortable when ANYONE touches me This applies to friends or family except for my mom and my boyfriend. Those are the only two people I am comfortable with touching me. But even if my best friend tries to hug me I get super uncomfortable and I don’t know how to react. I’m not talking about sexual touching either, just physical affection in general. I would love to be able to hug my friends and family, but I just can’t. Idk how do y’all deal with it?",4.00221198156682,5.428376225806455,5.578525345622122,78.73064516129034,71.68817204301075,9.185253456221199,28.3394777265745,9.606745405546679,2.674973579109064,371,14,71,9,7,126,63,93,0.053,0.6970000000000001,0.25,0.9481,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,3,7,10,0,0,1,0,8,3,0,4,0,21,12,10,0,2,9,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,14,10,11,10,2,2,0,0,0,3,8,1,0,2,1,54,17,0,0.22702368497250786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874023909637286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382473511303363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340514506301005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994700281297504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4280354512030649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5261938075594796,0.0,0.11861050534108578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476628007861044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489773928412955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658873960224724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266174250063754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573896382121915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824730384765564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15413417987026798,0.0,0.2217691523865187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127111217673867,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Hoffman81,2019/08/13,"This is how I got PTSD... My wife and I had been married for about four years, when she started acting strangely for months . Lying about where she was. Cleaning the apartment like she never does. She would come home from work much later than expected. Locking the door and closing the blinds when I went to work. It was really hard for me to piece things together. In hindsight, it was due to the heavy amounts of gaslighting I would get from her almost daily. One day we were eating at a local pub and I’m talking about a couple who were in an open relationship. This suddenly perked her interest and she asked me if I would be into an open relationship. I said I never thought of it. Though after the dinner she brings in up again and we started really talking about it. I asked her if she had anyone in mind and she mentioned my best friend. A little close to home, but I took no offense. The conversation ended that night l, but she would bring it up occasionally over the next few weeks. Fast forward the a few more weekend down the road my best friend was invited over to our place to watch some GOT. After the nights tv watching was through, we went to bed while leaving him on the couch. While in bed she reminds me of the conversation we have been having and the she was having a fantasy conversation of going out there and “just teasing him.” Over the course of a few weeks I had thought about an open marriage, and how it could possibly spark things again without getting emotionally disconnected. So in the meantime moment I told her to go for it. I waited awhile a snuck out there to see what was going on. To my surprise they were already having sex and I.... started recording it. The following night I was feeling really uneasy about what had happen. Aside from my wife having sex with another “man,” somehow something else was not right. I noticed she had locked her phone. Then she said something about the guy that didn’t seem right. Suddenly it hit me they were having an affair before last night even happened. She didn’t think I knew her password, but I did. I took her phone out of her hand and told her “I hope I don’t find anything” while I was walking out the door. While I was in my car I started to delve through her text messages with him and what I found was horrifying. It happened to be a four month long affair which was uncaring and abuse toward me so she could have more sex with my best friend. For example, she planned to get me really drunk so she could sleep with him when I passed out. Also, on several occasions she had me drive her to a point where she would get picked up by him. I was horrid disregard for my feelings. I felt like a looser that consent to her continuing an affair. Not only did I not see all the obvious signs (which were abundantly clear now) I just gave her to him for a night. And recorded it. I was a dirty cuck. I recorded my own wife’s affair. During the follow weeks, months, year I became hyper vigilant and was obsessed with learning every single detail of the affair. I used a gps unit on the dudes car. My thought became repetitive. And for a very long time I wasn’t sleeping well at all. After a few months, I was at work and a shovel made a loud noise when it fell behind me. It made my heart race and I shuttered and had to sit down. At that point I didn’t know it was PTSD but I knew something was wrong.",3.717104729826165,5.4352001059001545,4.215868466874092,87.0503565209945,72.90317700453858,6.98565352667485,25.33100219792767,7.6368930633389525,1.2271665629549269,2654,85,529,33,53,837,283,661,0.073,0.846,0.081,0.6883,0,0,3,0,2,0,67.0,5,0,2,7,30,16,2,1,44,0,58,11,4,6,6,95,111,41,0,12,12,3,5,2,3,5,1,3,8,2,28,40,3,2,14,5,0,20,12,4,1,3,59,13,102,12,86,41,17,118,0,0,5,3,79,47,0,7,54,396,130,4,0.0,0.07927796759872438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670011721385446,0.0,0.07383736927655246,0.05350827998738657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016146353418957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046785357508744886,0.0,0.055061617008759466,0.0,0.12510451744620896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569358831669277,0.0,0.21065523577882056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576374466500746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026770112267225,0.07403516419965027,0.0,0.04315171883530496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058553804623989764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846611669371805,0.05589511328158965,0.07526527467902193,0.05926281778287201,0.0,0.0,0.04419373546307145,0.0,0.0563749581721607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766388978039503,0.0,0.06424454572669971,0.0,0.06115495888323575,0.0,0.0,0.07336387853725919,0.15508459320520498,0.0,0.13983183919249598,0.0,0.11408028893704783,0.0,0.10702883309876536,0.0,0.0,0.06625188656178034,0.17750612725810938,0.0,0.05993864002331178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928923104137378,0.0,0.0,0.13423331717995962,0.06645719576464129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036772245347130535,0.05454096479907869,0.0,0.07084852834537815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537815331863032,0.06706187058356865,0.0,0.11842732368330405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266246121652018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756050231362637,0.0,0.21362920036358385,0.0,0.0491868954646357,0.0,0.10321096123957912,0.0,0.07116004565987663,0.31395472491941845,0.0,0.0,0.07617801542889881,0.0,0.0,0.04534026723222583,0.050888428774955516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06990720168405677,0.0,0.12650404612967928,0.07543150327826202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642952143248556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145824586357222,0.0,0.0,0.14367361196849968,0.0,0.11428235435661392,0.1272943617254501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10663796592022308,0.060912780389204724,0.0,0.07558978763188455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339175871422063,0.0,0.0,0.1545328500289651,0.0,0.0,0.18943830482041504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075602051430666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890468843038679,0.042873528493243065,0.06573919865218097,0.15935832150294818,0.03901603408645627,0.0,0.0,0.127871646052988,0.1486799918700473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778916434269175,0.0,0.055208146525148334,0.0,0.0,0.16101463308934258,0.0,0.060160549618806014,0.12405335509427608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449930694432192,0.0,0.1461348607367012,0.0,0.0,0.23765639644907224,0.07315609694418021,0.0,0.08617629996580155 ptsd,angelpau,2019/08/13,"How do you cope up with PTSD? I have extreme feeling of dread and exhaustion when I am triggered by someone or by a situation. I get depressed before and after every triggers, e.g. when meeting family members(involves conflict and drama). I am an introvert, empath, anxious and prone to depression. I have PTSD because of my experiences as a child. I’m surviving and even if I think about suicidal thoughts, I don’t go through with it. How do you deal with such intense emotions?",5.519113300492613,7.703471551724143,6.211165845648607,72.66827586206897,69.11494252873563,9.109359605911333,37.71592775041051,9.606745405546679,4.191792775041051,383,22,61,9,7,125,63,87,0.23399999999999999,0.7120000000000001,0.054000000000000006,-0.9563,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,1,7,4,0,1,3,0,7,1,0,4,0,18,13,12,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,8,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,10,0,13,12,0,5,0,2,0,0,5,1,0,2,3,47,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245386217337232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240960123081075,0.0,0.18483027190294335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22393465103210533,0.3741664434451849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443327548461387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346559125284605,0.0,0.1830093478470896,0.0,0.0,0.2124737032870874,0.2047668774034099,0.0,0.1098282352927982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348360392892942,0.0,0.12344582274053377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5078152717021212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24415388071298846,0.0,0.0,0.1840418859128856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375932054773629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917981926462333,0.0,0.1724410000340854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ArcaneHackist,2019/08/13,"Someone finally noticed my flinching. Success story! It’s been a long time, but I’ve never been able to school myself into calm when I see something moving out of the corner of my eye. Walking across a baseball field, basketball court, or anything with moving projectiles puts me on edge and every sound is like something being thrown directly at me. After a year of dating, it finally happened. My boyfriend made a gesture like pointing at me, with something in his hand. I flinched. As usual, jerked my head and closed my eyes. He held tightly to me, and told me over and over again (with tears in his eyes) how he’d never throw anything at me. Ever. It just shows, after the many years of my life, I finally have a shoulder to lean on. And yours may not be far away, so please don’t give up.",4.092843137254904,5.78233300653595,4.498839869281046,85.51727941176473,71.87581699346406,6.668627450980392,28.43627450980393,7.1686216300943375,1.5709176470588235,622,24,116,6,12,196,104,153,0.028999999999999998,0.8420000000000001,0.129,0.9504,0,0,3,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,1,6,5,1,0,7,0,9,7,6,2,3,23,15,11,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,11,0,2,0,1,0,5,4,1,0,0,5,7,20,4,27,6,0,39,0,0,4,0,7,18,0,2,18,81,23,2,0.1459046095052549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401341234888147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13708218351623191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197907249404,0.12293092632238517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4794941038561106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996499640951385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902296432812432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497402228332529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030567406054914,0.14256324455554112,0.0,0.0,0.12912098806184827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13805846933974245,0.0,0.14792437340433096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31014701884161683,0.0,0.0,0.2250612591686285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611336497097326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601594469048498,0.13792701651999453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466744316763357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766325429465746,0.1162670834422149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362450215544855,0.3369734899542687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850781511363026,0.0,0.0,0.13941810698694754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069331412207166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879155697017112 ptsd,nighthawkasaurusrex,2019/08/13,"Practicing Radical Acceptance & To Medicate or Not? My PTSD started in Aug 2018 when my (then) fiancé and I were in a terrible accident. Since then, the year of recovery was hell, and on top of it I lost my job. I’ve been in therapy since October with my PTSD and acceptance keeps coming up. It’s hard to accept all of the horrible things we’ve (and I’ve) been through in a year. My husband doesn’t remember the week after the accident, and I remember everything. I feel very alone in my trauma, and I have a hard time accepting it. I don’t know when I’ll be ready to accept that someone did something terrible to us and I thought my husband’s life was in danger, just a month after we got engaged. Yes, we are healthy but that person ruined this year of my life, which was supposed to be a wonderful celebration of our engagement, moving in together, my tenure year at work, and our marriage. Most of the year was not a celebration. My life has changed and I don’t think I’ll ever be the version of me I was before mentally, or physically, ever again. In the beginning, I thought life might feel normal, but it doesn’t. Right now I’m considering medication as a coping mechanism. It’s been 54 weeks since our accident, and while I trigger less often, my mental health has really suffered. With school starting up soon, no job lined up, and no medical benefits, I’m really anxious, triggering more often again, and having nightmares/barely sleeping through the night. I know this is basically word vomit, but I don’t know what else to do at this point. Everyone around me supports me the best ways they know how, but I still feel so alone, often. I’m tired of feeling like what happened to me/us. I’m tired of being affected by it. I know meds won’t stop this, but maybe I’ll be able to exist without every single car ride looking like a scene from Final Destination in my head. If anyone has any thoughts at all, I welcome them.",4.847400530503979,5.912044257294433,6.059164456233423,77.44747347480106,69.29177718832892,9.831830238726793,31.47612732095491,10.035473477838034,3.2035644562334222,1523,64,288,38,26,511,194,377,0.145,0.725,0.13,-0.5131,2,2,1,0,0,0,55.0,6,0,2,4,16,21,2,0,17,1,30,13,2,4,4,68,58,28,0,2,12,2,6,2,0,2,11,0,0,1,16,18,0,2,21,0,0,4,11,8,0,0,15,7,39,13,44,36,8,54,1,3,1,0,13,20,1,9,31,195,55,4,0.08440885511867978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17484423504835364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145695925544237,0.0,0.05740091598367905,0.0,0.0,0.09535798025871953,0.0,0.05902063410261764,0.0,0.0,0.07514177677212867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182571870005522,0.0,0.08858188583453347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929337650078735,0.07271075461392704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051276734393748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270528390600202,0.07111810096155728,0.08065627832791676,0.07586123626627188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071861340130134,0.06030170296247156,0.0,0.09246577491027093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750947233406987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746424718169236,0.0,0.1512275091950794,0.0,0.08662783730705675,0.08972266585514323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16752552841056012,0.07502646878210363,0.0,0.0,0.23194449645479465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23848188254693856,0.08247580591005371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708821793862995,0.0,0.09214223645336447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480004028795671,0.0,0.09375920942259117,0.25509912381037525,0.17012854557005475,0.08954445626015298,0.0,0.0,0.0673743428482787,0.08971325466571227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921199251622035,0.08270275631942588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370255648831359,0.0,0.0,0.07979365144024914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733886923036992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814894800257806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123755665310174,0.07208470106920373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542626775380664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20947163163363874,0.0,0.08446981418436543,0.0,0.07151934902496923,0.06498206051390798,0.0,0.0,0.11949004420598912,0.0,0.06740902073314083,0.07056958245755307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578616849848952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652888213287744,0.0,0.05607749267360306,0.0540857860798622,0.0,0.2010336072108628,0.049219482217733916,0.19403112382943927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030669194391237,0.0,0.0,0.06964614548334774,0.0,0.06699982028440407,0.13541538422510407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136712419738809,0.09153780273551633,0.061450651831011366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271782676217036 ptsd,babygoyle-,2019/08/13,Therapist saying I have trauma but not ptsd I fit all the “ criteria “ for having ptsd experiences child hood trauma from abuse therapist tells me the psychiatrist got my test results and was basically on the cusp of having ptsd ? Or results showed I did but my therapist decided I didn’t ? Feeling my trauma is invalid do you trust one therapists opinion not results ?,4.081115384615387,7.33362147692308,5.369519230769232,71.0373557692308,80.38461538461539,8.788461538461537,31.20192307692308,9.188382445141503,3.942269230769232,296,15,44,9,8,98,46,65,0.23600000000000002,0.684,0.08,-0.9202,1,0,0,0,1,0,3.0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,3,1,13,10,4,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,4,2,9,1,4,6,1,2,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,32,9,1,0.0,0.18977657373256948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15667807980514412,0.0,0.0,0.0809873257153745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12810346841185635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853608925753236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5616943680685437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737449530605194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999660978767198,0.0,0.0,0.7438840146336465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tuanth98,2019/08/13,"Dealing with Co-Morbidities and Complex Trauma (DV, child abuse, self-harm) Hi, everybody, I (21F) was diagnosed with PTSD, Depression, GAD, and tentatively body dysmorphia close to 4 years ago. I was (and still am, to an extent) abused by my mother and stepfather, had an alcoholic father, and was raped when I was 16. I sought treatment my freshman year of college after a couple of attempts, got my diagnoses, and realized I had been living with these disorders for most of my life. About six months ago, I left a very (emotionally/sometimes physically) abusive partner. We were together about a year. I’m doing alright considering the circumstances, but within the last few months or so I’ve hit a decline. I got back into therapy, and I’m scheduled to see my psychiatrist later this week. My question for you guys is: how have those of you with multiple diagnoses sorted through the symptoms you experience? I’m struggling to get out of bed and having a lot of intrusive thoughts, non-existent motivation, poor sleeping patterns, and lingering feelings of dread. Is there anything y’all have done to organize/prioritize where to start with treatment? What do you do in your everyday life to prevent slipping into the really dark place? Also: how have you dealt with compounding trauma? I had already undergone some exposure therapy prior to this most recent abusive relationship, and now I’m struggling with fitting that into my trauma narrative. I feel like I should be used to these down swings as I’ve had traumatic stress my whole life, but I still feel blindsided. I’m so anxious that I won’t get totally back on my feet in time to take care of the important things in my life (work, school, relationships). TLDR: I don’t know how to tell what’s trauma, what’s depression, or if it matters. I’m trying to be diligent in taking care of myself and not fall back into self-destructive patterns. How do I decide what needs work first, and how do I keep up with my responsibilities in the meantime? I know there are a lot of questions here, but I really, really appreciate any tips or pieces of personal experience or even words of encouragement.",6.563086737122724,8.098547174807196,7.076703798914599,69.9873169570599,65.68380462724936,10.801523374274018,34.9729601066362,10.825029732296443,4.2765406264876695,1717,80,281,49,27,562,221,389,0.155,0.774,0.071,-0.9896,0,0,1,0,2,0,65.0,1,7,0,5,22,16,1,4,14,1,29,13,3,7,1,67,55,30,0,3,9,2,3,1,1,2,9,0,1,4,13,27,1,2,12,0,1,1,3,11,0,2,14,4,37,5,54,36,10,45,0,2,1,1,22,19,0,13,26,199,50,5,0.0,0.3942505577269255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747998477578675,0.0889012860638747,0.0,0.0,0.09179859455314217,0.06652437577239012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656981015553673,0.0,0.0,0.09397729544220132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845556802404416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19189631777312685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09240167315234613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696287741897643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204450385527503,0.0,0.0,0.08576183735237572,0.14329716958748934,0.2532982552954107,0.0,0.0,0.09533916779027404,0.0,0.0,0.08512887825598688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054944032314699735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16274511424631324,0.0,0.0,0.1261850884863148,0.05942859674247208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07075856647788906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08692323709133272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330640101535891,0.0,0.0,0.08236791386874298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394016319967228,0.0,0.0,0.09143447212445203,0.06780826515331663,0.0,0.0,0.0903825954467059,0.0,0.23502891182174196,0.04064082081968192,0.0,0.073455382179295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144471901658315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13279766425207784,0.0,0.0,0.0616818856983545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263541978506231,0.08691239851332767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724080336840303,0.0,0.18637628948766405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987459482614502,0.0,0.08213683279975438,0.1786227730254474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418938385065043,0.0662890315120624,0.0,0.17356374568285032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324677873854279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227377565021161,0.0,0.05887997604542975,0.0,0.13286601582207033,0.0,0.09529008642269464,0.17392960602062416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646283530602354,0.12509209482902706,0.0,0.07270884440990948,0.0,0.19026248773924406,0.0,0.055265548644662967,0.0,0.0,0.06604094957900904,0.048506835079124885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05647831034111831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07184660178222636,0.0,0.06863774141127131,0.0,0.0,0.06672735483812929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287498234620524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112182004213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607085266883158 ptsd,piercingsandpie,2019/07/25,"how do I keep myself from yelling at mormons on the street a lot of my childhood trauma stems from being raised in a heavily mormon household. I had to watch my mother be subject to a lot of abuse at the hands of my dad, and she reached out for help several times from church leaders and family and was repeatedly told to Try And Make It Work, that divorce wasn't an option and her family wouldn't get into heaven if she split from him. at the same time I was being sexually abused by my father and when having church interviews about chastity I was further taken advantage of. in sunday school/young women's lessons it was instilled in me that being lgbtq+ was wrong and sinful and I should push that shit down even after leaving the church, my mums family still remains very active and regularly tries to talk my mum into coming back, and tried to make her choose between her girlfriend and her family this is really the tip of the iceberg, but among the general knowledge that Mormonism is entirely based on the bullshit of a scam artist and rapist, I harbour a lot of animosity towards the whole faith. the other day I almost got stopped on the street by a pair of mormon missionaries but immediately snapped ""do one you jammy cunts"" and quickly got the hell out of there. I know that wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done, I was in public, children could have heard me, and they could have easily called the police. and they're probably just brainwashed kids like I was. But it was my gut reaction, I was so angry and I still am - the second I see their shitting badges it's like a switch goes off in my brain. any tips for how to manage this? I'm really working on anger stuff within myself in therapy but I wasnt expecting this to be a trigger, and it's so inherently public by nature??? I dont want to be that asshole in the street and I know it's likely they truly believe they're in the right and are doing gods work or whatever but. I dont know.",6.404675324675328,6.333345090909095,6.8048701298701335,77.44444805194809,65.62337662337664,9.597402597402596,30.74675324675325,9.218907990703514,2.51151948051948,1560,51,296,25,22,508,209,385,0.17300000000000001,0.769,0.057999999999999996,-0.9948,1,0,0,0,4,0,30.0,0,1,3,5,15,15,6,0,26,0,36,6,5,5,1,59,52,31,0,7,8,5,1,3,1,2,0,2,0,3,18,24,0,2,6,1,0,2,6,9,0,2,19,5,40,6,53,23,5,45,11,0,2,1,29,29,4,7,17,219,58,5,0.0,0.2525224743288786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670872553771577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246735941302357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819413475837277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006144291077843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896097081486705,0.10881403662484547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179568474652576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17016580044596394,0.0,0.0,0.06872513979540149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090522488946401,0.2497850669878578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038469682685382,0.09639348522095467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4018372478128169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567543400200498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704583667900922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142778544859214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471922155856548,0.0,0.0,0.17569481148950536,0.0,0.0,0.11283617770634205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561857620389378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717914006216346,0.0,0.0,0.1422649584994467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221070881992735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148943092281424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653560314737165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100530629245786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784873276915106,0.08491792810543321,0.0,0.0,0.12038729539217585,0.218773388305758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020473103730352,0.08909250328048036,0.0,0.0,0.12199059651216546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565232549707161,0.0,0.0,0.12186553255090182,0.0,0.07079656738778625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427696829819256,0.0,0.0,0.1018267289004224,0.0,0.2170504375006918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792668496629108,0.06285436879146411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189752044006452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327401782404652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651130302743125,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ToxicRuby,2019/07/25,"Accessing emotion after trauma So I have been struggling with ptsd for two years now, with therapy on and off but nothing seems to be helping as I cannot let out my emotions related to my trauma. The only times I really even feel my ptsd are when my boundaries are lowered AKA when I’m super drunk or on drugs. When this happens I get really intense panic attacks where I can see my trauma happening and I usually cry and yell my head off. I know I still have these emotions but I just can’t reach them when I’m sober. It’s like they are locked up somehow. Does anyone have any advice on how to access my trauma with my therapist or friends without having to be drunk?",4.004552238805967,5.3789555746268665,5.046447761194031,82.74892537313436,71.61194029850745,7.748059701492537,28.32537313432836,8.238735603445708,1.9918232835820904,533,20,101,8,10,175,88,134,0.23,0.653,0.11800000000000001,-0.9562,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,12,10,1,2,1,0,14,4,1,1,0,18,23,14,0,0,6,0,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,7,2,0,3,2,0,0,3,7,0,1,1,3,19,3,18,19,0,18,0,0,1,0,4,8,0,4,11,75,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507733725760014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096063520622696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380950560037837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889927337461846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308077169101282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992187797007587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17217114699813615,0.0,0.0,0.5010061717608245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805909526710016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07506787720696997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470294556624144,0.0,0.07756633093511887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625725126108516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236693232471948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951231352536284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815919512550037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15181453507124634,0.0,0.07253202854978913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245524618415062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129135890630051,0.0,0.17419055732604366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34709302538031955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021972559340444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830661461055628,0.13515608202343735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11856357054968758,0.0,0.0,0.1552068449295683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978156339270464,0.17237818810994987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657057303121997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502779004057526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351216029067725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14311403229537345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956059712939848 ptsd,PCbytheBeach,2019/07/25,"EMDR? Hi all, &#x200B; Curious as to whether any of you have tried EMDR and, if so, have had any success with it? The psych I'm seeing mentioned it as an option especially since it doesn't require going into the full trauma 'narrative'. The issue I'm constantly having in therapy is being able to access these feelings that cause so many problems in real life. When I'm in the session, I feel like any traumatic experiences I've had don't actually belong to me- it's like a dream feeling, like it didn't really happen. So, back to the original question... did EMDR work for you? AND, if it did, how were you able to access those traumatic feelings? Please feel free to PM me. Thanks.",4.4381818181818184,6.011671303030305,5.917090909090909,76.15063636363638,70.81818181818181,8.613333333333333,29.10909090909091,9.120678840339163,2.6545400000000003,540,21,95,11,10,183,86,132,0.08800000000000001,0.718,0.193,0.9115,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,3,0,3,6,8,0,0,7,0,13,1,0,3,1,21,25,12,0,3,3,0,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,6,1,1,1,3,2,0,0,6,6,6,7,15,18,2,10,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,4,7,63,15,5,0.31287525548641965,0.0,0.15266055827827352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950010430081733,0.19008884065963447,0.31914885402065485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029087941605054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16070453642009944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905350010498973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302601796012288,0.0,0.0,0.3954978250587521,0.22351814503493025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890710895301221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833727757012093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328023959224208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11049652288531532,0.22928256883660025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860320067503314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172153792411124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496896823871418,0.0,0.0,0.17524594550540512,0.0,0.0,0.1780602689270657,0.10021795014669596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466053526339653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940682225102265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402674956780934,0.1789000609988068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10621088040205977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388845616021084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19008884065963447,0.0 ptsd,roachcocktail,2019/07/25,"Do you guys recommend ""The body keeps the score""? My dad sent me ""the body keeps the score"" awhile ago but I packed it up or gave it to a friend (can't remember) because I felt like he was trying to not do his part in him being a better person and me feeling safe. Ridiculous, I know. I'm working on the suspicion and jumping to conclusions lol. Anyway, how many of you found this book helpful? I'm considering looking harder or buying it again.",2.0312752525252518,4.358545738636362,3.375606060606064,88.27646464646465,80.25,6.1838383838383875,23.41414141414141,7.3871296695380915,1.0639353535353533,347,12,69,5,9,113,66,88,0.064,0.679,0.257,0.9631,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,3,3,5,1,0,7,1,5,2,2,1,0,16,16,6,0,0,4,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,3,6,1,1,2,2,1,0,0,5,3,10,4,7,10,1,7,0,0,1,0,12,3,0,2,3,43,14,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378588353979925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326352691644205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19334408557557256,0.0,0.4856561356337479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053653099229656,0.0,0.20990130017216094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396962001436237,0.16889868435380953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2164597316530919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465306644782822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38862384957549584,0.0,0.0,0.12014315022862102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680252486190583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357858144308228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216377246106081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367349253752414,0.0,0.0,0.19088310892805926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24764418696614746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842284242065493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915175844706425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,djshinypants,2019/07/25,"Survivors guilt problem Whenever I deal with my own trauma I build anxiety about putting my problems on other people which makes me avoid dealing with my issues. So it builds up until I let go then I feel horrible that my problems arnt anything compared to the children saw in other countries, or the danger or poverty they deal with everyday. I'm still hurting but who isn't. I feel responsible and helpless and embarresed. I've done a lot but I didnt do enough. I know that's not reasonable but emotions are the enemy of reason. Internet is helping because responding is your choice. I messaged a buddy who was injured and told him I would have talked sooner but when I think about what happened to him I'm ashamed I couldn't stop it. I want even with him when it happened. Now I feel like I brought up his trauma as my pain and it really hurt to make contact. I think the only reason I'm typing is so that I can Express and let go. I hope this helps someone else too.",2.890520833333333,5.128537843750003,3.9960416666666654,85.41145833333336,76.8125,6.558333333333334,28.375,7.594959193182576,1.8443,774,34,145,11,18,251,122,192,0.256,0.667,0.077,-0.9856,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,10,15,1,3,6,0,15,2,0,5,0,37,35,18,0,7,7,0,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,14,9,0,2,9,0,0,4,4,13,0,0,6,4,29,2,16,25,3,16,0,3,1,0,20,4,0,4,9,104,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408910864667222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121254449086232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07497523208328508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804003397764499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12586427410718395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102744651304641,0.13835027694256788,0.0,0.12708437736127293,0.0,0.08123554410074696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18656647298607906,0.08786603727711828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979921582197066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2175241457178657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487888067776646,0.0,0.0,0.12215954140970198,0.0,0.0,0.2633325416730071,0.0,0.0,0.12837246494137386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675935927859378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25153681716768583,0.0,0.06008803964510896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456402838871433,0.0,0.0,0.1641972165995523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935415202324314,0.13087294586989284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526767895410536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35306232191323444,0.0,0.123641673461744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07879229797697053,0.3793710601403148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421134858121783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822216019733827,0.1028274370079562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988569046815047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576175617731057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752483279957923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254430406149741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873705129121549,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,probelanaticpetunia,2019/07/25,"is there a name for this feeling? whenever i watch certain movies from my childhood i get the worse feeling. it like sends me into panic attack mode and its literally just a movie. it gives me nostalgia but,, worse. my mother was borderline abusive but i dont remeber any of it because i was too young to. so is there a name for what im feeling??",1.9972670807453448,4.290915724637685,3.8166045548654246,85.25608695652177,80.15942028985508,6.8414078674948255,27.248447204968944,7.957251820313856,1.9192012422360247,271,12,53,5,7,91,50,69,0.165,0.721,0.113,-0.6785,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,1,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,11,10,4,0,0,3,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,4,8,2,6,8,0,4,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,3,37,14,0,0.0,0.2976412384030788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708305342470397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857861684961279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15313449541132462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944147322746224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38105600886513386,0.17946354960632216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131246180515431,0.24098228097379146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27134850987760656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12272788460445218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947392902987828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120062651091088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blujjong,2019/07/25,"*triggers?* I'm starting to think it never happened... I'll try and keep this as short as possible. My own biological father sexually assaulted me when I was 11. My parents broke up when I was 5, my bio dad was just a once a weekend, whenever he felt like it kinda dad. My bio dad are no longer in contact. I'm in my late teens now and last December I decided that I never want that piece of shit to harm another human being again. Bio dad destroyed my mental health when I was 14. (that's when I remembered everything and started grieving.) So I filed a police statement on what he did to me, in as much detail I can remember. I remember telling my boyfriend for the first time and I broke down in tears. I'm iffy with affection from my boyfriend too. I called my detective recently regarding what's going on with the case and he said that he has taken a statement from my bio dad. Now it's a waiting game. I'm starting to feel like it didn't even happen. I feel like it's not my memories. I'm scared. I'm afraid they will call off the case due to lack of evidence. I'm scared to see him in court (if it goes that far.) I'm scared for when the result turns up 'not guilty' and what that will do to my mental health. Please tell me what he did to me really did happen. Please tell me my thoughts are valid. My step dad argues otherwise.",1.538636117869693,3.62280304744526,3.2685077047850766,89.70397269532309,80.56934306569343,6.9789672884563405,23.28683427953501,8.045849151850463,1.2530477426331443,1041,36,225,20,27,346,140,274,0.13699999999999998,0.7979999999999999,0.064,-0.9606,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,1,1,12,15,4,4,9,0,16,3,1,3,2,33,43,16,1,3,4,8,3,3,0,2,2,1,0,1,17,8,0,2,11,2,0,2,6,12,0,1,12,5,33,3,30,28,4,35,0,3,1,0,25,13,1,2,23,134,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528816969087685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245347114419191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261842351474765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881254884999162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118419733570167,0.157091164420322,0.1055655870953121,0.0,0.0,0.0935201755553178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06248495516321732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29167516596245235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337353235753829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772522801437757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962082157531145,0.12402409456414433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611424688326553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22159980574154187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082310238769512,0.0,0.16959456393820438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708910723379225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208223601376875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413758072690829,0.0,0.12394781282953828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043434653549921,0.0,0.10855860152835556,0.0,0.3736428116411907,0.0,0.10458400691815804,0.0,0.3302259582274049,0.0,0.0876128809977697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128581870916188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334614437751017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882934561328558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044908100822363,0.0,0.0872849960915866,0.06411050927169577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746462479538729,0.11958988608307612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484911320821704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Albus_Percival,2019/07/25,"How does the anniversary effect work for complex PTSD? I have c-PTSD, and I have been feeling worse lately. My trauma was over several months, but it did start in the summer. I can’t actually remember the date it started, so I don’t even know if it’s around this time. I know I tend to feel sad in the fall (especially when it’s a really nice fall day and everything’s perfect) even though it’s my favorite season, and I assume it’s from trauma-related emotions/memories. Does anyone else have any experience with an anniversary effect for long term traumas? What have you guys noticed?",6.1483312262958325,6.718304920353982,6.891554993678888,74.4057522123894,66.16814159292035,10.350948166877373,32.072060682680146,10.290406445055957,3.3139972187104934,468,18,85,11,7,155,78,113,0.11699999999999999,0.7979999999999999,0.085,-0.55,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,1,0,4,7,5,0,0,6,0,9,0,0,3,1,18,16,9,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,8,5,0,0,9,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,3,2,10,2,9,13,1,18,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,12,53,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.1726538836934769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031548891745993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371050751688392,0.1812812062134864,0.0,0.15750131257549732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11410238847365105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30965760540460885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779865325356747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23371540731228024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900933939546585,0.17306720612669935,0.0,0.0,0.17891781939968182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17518418041321804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944673879462648,0.0,0.19957980616109824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15657360653906935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122034224311109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143099149293867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4136331646801861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133430828746606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20042223833710726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987559118867526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2504577295160271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738285237532801,0.0,0.10316675205975216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880395883311233,0.0,0.1803023223773373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dapuma_amethyst,2019/07/25,"It Was Her Guide Book (TW talks of abuse) My older sister (older by over a decade) abused me as a kid. I remember she was obsessed with Charles Manson's cult. Really, it was more than an obsession because, see, her friends also shared that same interest. She used what Manson put his followers through as a guide book. A documentary about the cult came on the tv, I hadn't been paying much notice to what had been on before it. Well, it was on and it caught my eye because, being an adult, it should be easier for me to learn about the methods used to abuse me, right? Maybe I was being an idiot, I think I was, because all they had to do was describe one of the ways he warped their minds using acid, it brought a lot back real quick. The question pops up a lot, in my own head more than it has been asked of me; why didn't I go to my mother and tell her what was happening? Well, considering it was grooming and brainwashing to a child from ages [unknown]-6, I doubt anyone would even question much. Until I got older, I didn't. After that, manipulation came easy to her and it didn't take much to get me to do what she wanted. And I almost always would. I allowed things to happen to me even when I got older, until almost 17, just because I thought I had to. The mindgames, grooming, whatever, were very effective. There also happened to be the added bonus of my mom having mental illness and would often fall into rages. I loved her but was afraid of getting hurt because I was ""being evil"". Never told my dad either, that one's easier to explain, he wasn't hardly around. I remember her trying to convince me to run away with her. I didn't want to go, I was a kid who never wanted to leave their mom like that, she left without me. Around that time, I think I got happier, getting sleep instead of being woke up nearly every night did me some good. Not feeling weird when I went to the bathroom (and in between) significantly lowered my stress throughout the day. I was a normal kid and it felt great. Then she came back for a bit, she'd found new drugs, and went back into her room down the hall. I was gonna be starting school for the first time soon and had been excited, I remember that. I also remember when she came and got me again. Things changed in the worst kinds of ways. It became more painful, more brutal and generally more sadistic. Using drugs made it easier for her. Hell, maybe it became easier for me, too. I could numb out of pain sometimes, I'd be high off my ass and loving it until I had to puke. Looking back, a lot of what she gave me was what I'm almost sure was something opioid based. There were a few times, though, where it was a hallucinogenic substance and those times got scary. She convinced me she was wrestling with the demon in me because I had been possessed. She told me she was saving me. I'm a kid, I'm tripping on some shit, I believe her and allow myself to get hit when I focus on her. You see, I had to learn that she ""was my savior"" and we could never be separated because I'd die without her. Why am I writing this here? I don't know, this was meant to be a throwaway account. Maybe I just need to talk about it somewhere and to someone. There are things I can't discuss with my gf since she also has PTSD from childhood trauma and this would probably set her off. I see my therapist tomorrow, so that's something. I'll quit rambling now, thanks for reading if you did.",3.9202833802142583,5.032431326979474,4.683324555628705,86.27559907834106,71.50733137829911,7.209575677778442,25.94182775749596,7.447530270364453,1.2024882638099228,2663,82,543,28,49,858,303,682,0.12300000000000001,0.774,0.102,-0.9724,3,0,6,0,3,0,99.0,1,2,3,4,37,36,6,5,31,0,70,13,5,9,5,99,130,36,1,13,8,5,3,1,2,6,6,0,1,6,39,32,0,0,18,4,3,15,14,18,2,3,65,9,99,18,84,45,20,82,2,1,5,3,65,28,3,13,37,401,138,7,0.0,0.20284419965837194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143223458259513,0.0,0.0,0.18254494588922252,0.04748408371034876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03990237845831986,0.0,0.0,0.10160296175669477,0.053349681051929936,0.0,0.0536160632608754,0.1755231448999932,0.0,0.2435114057662137,0.0,0.048559576734254616,0.06429465301201524,0.0,0.0,0.06230207959892463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610765060562065,0.0,0.0,0.0603690244459376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112626692580658,0.0,0.0,0.036803314279932726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05922624712213233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235855863853785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07538406252874037,0.0,0.04808117403264566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02885464899434298,0.0,0.054793001784595737,0.0,0.0,0.048540924055788165,0.0,0.06257071448084484,0.04408960738034328,0.0,0.11926002632210267,0.0,0.06486466573008035,0.04786485838376009,0.22820735117077115,0.06291626178792538,0.0,0.0,0.1513917397596003,0.0,0.05112057331271095,0.0,0.05856691988842309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029412432150391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06109110552245186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942620865665711,0.03136237764837286,0.0,0.0,0.06042541816045476,0.06200315975754716,0.0,0.0,0.027879917516270284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047921673340632576,0.0,0.0,0.14554825738354374,0.10300988816333853,0.053997911588144265,0.0,0.0,0.17199357575357266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575098329178978,0.0,0.0576211207031735,0.13367170874606915,0.0,0.0,0.1258518191927586,0.04231425081565551,0.13204012074693086,0.055115395116901014,0.0,0.053553252212172386,0.05591327054308241,0.0,0.06497084053016987,0.0,0.0,0.07733977461488759,0.0,0.12144603010895252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152757759515005,0.0,0.06670794345310058,0.05736781692407294,0.12785557656326033,0.060697482672347786,0.05708216444821228,0.0649544224290684,0.036558402994831866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585818833375773,0.04873466825377011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05775456868639401,0.1364243654666574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058578169428775126,0.047206181639202434,0.0,0.057107934286646636,0.0,0.04835244783926209,0.08786550029669705,0.056440446640023824,0.0,0.04039211911565421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06536973653584259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0537847095465227,0.0,0.04290707243887343,0.09173613799725573,0.049878829806259586,0.05253936989360078,0.0,0.06625886194276995,0.11373778186279405,0.07313210161795511,0.05606776401517698,0.04530460236342607,0.13310425662725697,0.0,0.0,0.10905939564405252,0.0,0.03874455786104906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971492987703358,0.0,0.047086021651476836,0.10097829245829333,0.09059381439309667,0.0,0.0,0.10261967192198668,0.10580284489801993,0.10298767977481832,0.0,0.0,0.11002056596492238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215424618488994,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,grapesOmath,2019/07/25,"You are validated by your own feelings. You don't need a diagnosis to seek help. If you are in pain and feel invalidated, dissociative, lost.. If you are sure you have PTSD but dont feel like its ""bad"" enough to be considered. You have to be honest with your pain. Is it worth stuffing it down into your subconscious for later? Take a large and scary step further -PTSD diagnosed- or not. There is no righteous heirarchy for pain. If you feel it, find a helping hand in this community or dm me <3 it can be your year loves. You are validated by your own feelings.",2.2541437308868524,4.838889880733948,3.5414908256880717,85.85027905198778,81.38532110091742,6.936085626911316,23.762232415902144,8.07648339933343,1.445292966360857,443,16,90,9,12,144,69,109,0.133,0.6559999999999999,0.21100000000000002,0.8209,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,13,0,1,1,9,0,0,3,0,14,6,1,0,1,19,23,8,0,4,7,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,1,6,14,4,12,19,3,8,0,1,0,1,16,5,0,5,3,63,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314814823945804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740115277659546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200930486822645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17714694907354311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4334348849576075,0.1224792594810869,0.0,0.0,0.15669623874223426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298299073826814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08375862651222214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715081553771,0.0,0.15473443823324973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712317129864714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5472838650626314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40081651732477225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16158345505672805,0.0,0.12890416383201825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104039829308536 ptsd,sofunnyiweep,2019/07/25,"Subtlety isn't my strong suit, here's how it affected me. How'd it affect you? Just got back from another psychiatrist appointment. Realised that this illness has more subtlety than I realised. I've lived with it for two decades, and have been treated for it for five years. I've learned so much and grown so much but the heavy handed illness has yet to relinquish most of its more subtle, insidious, elements. I am moving into my own place soon but I can't stop thinking about all the ways it could go wrong. How terrified and weak I feel in having to get assistance. My last semester's marks came back as full honours, yet I can't accept that because in my mind they were not good enough. Subtlety. The dread of failure, the insecurity of not having control. At least I have some insight now. Hopefully I can navigate my current struggles with some more clarity. How about you? How have you experienced the subtleties and what did you struggle with because of them?",4.034634384140396,6.5639524309392305,4.5999220019499525,81.0470198245044,74.41436464088397,8.236724081897952,30.53656158596035,9.007467420416297,2.8979506662333443,774,36,139,18,17,246,117,181,0.22699999999999998,0.705,0.068,-0.9867,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,4,2,3,16,12,0,4,5,0,16,4,1,7,1,34,23,13,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,10,9,0,2,5,0,0,4,5,6,0,2,5,3,19,6,21,17,13,21,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,4,10,108,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19842860646892568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910189087356205,0.0,0.2307108797894677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643356473664904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122422976966488,0.15108814722416772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19552956152204104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568252058231423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886708312973326,0.0,0.10754618285254706,0.1587207073068734,0.1513479133273367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795230431566395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425116717068094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670973060659478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19107264374410907,0.0,0.0,0.2011260556780736,0.2782178886226997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19770951051427127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582083029249504,0.0,0.3956574419586921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12125366383177552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848543614375239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020533627002808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206897941407188,0.0,0.12186065007416355 ptsd,b_lynn_23,2019/07/25,"Self diagnosed...for now I believe I have a form of PTSD. I had a traumatic childhood witnessing domestic violence, and being a victim of verbal/emotional abuse from my father. Then as an adult I was sexually abused by three different men. I am having a hard time with all of this lately. It is all replaying in my mind non stop. I dont have health insurance right now so going to a professional is not financially feasible at the moment. I hope to very soon though.",3.042421972534336,5.585482505617978,5.2374531835206,75.12586766541824,77.87640449438202,9.798252184769039,26.742821473158553,9.994966539143718,3.3658379525593016,369,15,66,13,9,128,71,89,0.23399999999999999,0.7340000000000001,0.032,-0.9524,1,0,0,0,3,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,1,0,7,0,10,1,0,0,2,8,12,5,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,1,9,1,11,9,3,13,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,9,51,11,1,0.0,0.5050079172812453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401052793074879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22265763991402784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24976675201433465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23972334786408736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111698214933428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909073143502863,0.0,0.0,0.22652906559028155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2116692130109142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404006533760849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21518329491350496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491175960128693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18199726703311545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22232325105178108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781719415138114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20938235931523896,0.0,0.12426785594647605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1758404758478672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheLernaeanHydra,2019/07/25,"Is this part of it? It's hard to describe so I hope it makes sense ... sometimes I'll start to feel the same way I felt at some point in my time in the Army, and I almost want to hold on to the feeling because while none of the feelings are good, they're at least feelings, and I don't feel anything else anymore. It's been almost eleven years and I've been the walking dead ever since. Has anyone ever experienced this? Has anyone ever had this and found a way to feel things again?",2.6237999999999992,4.058050379999997,3.3270000000000017,93.47350000000002,75.2,5.4,22.5,5.148860815047168,-0.008599999999999941,378,10,83,1,8,119,65,100,0.057,0.845,0.09699999999999999,0.4567,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,0,8,0,0,1,3,23,20,6,1,2,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,1,8,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,9,5,2,12,15,5,17,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,4,8,55,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222620173123084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958234150250888,0.22502805861768,0.0,0.13241759216561952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809100002839508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442206598101136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366647457347284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4881743316685232,0.0,0.15450160233307833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643267080749514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496609192555434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414633679040215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15982280076941882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10741059901113532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1742529716046397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211468621631385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133108799768907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914695596636996,0.0,0.11389496690709885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106903369477086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382959619145184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491058759046736,0.2554503135313524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362262101200408 ptsd,mcapik96,2019/07/25,"Acceptance is hard I was deployed to Afghanistan from 17’-18’ during that time, I saw things most people do not. A friend hit by a rocket, countless rocket and mortar attacks, and helping call in allied ordinance to kill enemy. By no means are these very drastic by military means. These are quite literally the job. However, accepting these moments, and issues that they have brought have been harder than I’ve thought. Today I mailed out my disability claim with the VA for PTSD. What hurts me with that, and even with having feelings about what I have done, is that it’s nothing. It’s a scratch compared to veterans past and present. And I feel horrible for feeling bad about shit. Let alone claiming a disability. Honestly I’m looking for someone to validate my feelings, and tell me I’m not being a piece of shit for claiming benefits.",6.242388591800356,7.935664254901964,6.030623885918003,76.59962566844919,66.58169934640523,9.223767082590614,35.4777183600713,9.573946990214177,3.603541176470588,673,33,113,14,11,210,102,153,0.212,0.688,0.10099999999999999,-0.9649,2,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,3,11,4,0,7,0,14,2,2,0,0,23,27,7,1,0,2,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,12,11,0,0,9,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,6,8,10,5,21,18,2,8,0,1,2,0,6,2,2,1,5,77,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269197629508498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969040665274506,0.0,0.0,0.13922063089109452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025981041500052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706325378420106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012995666334087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33723427861918426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288226287419762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936596237135882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176206292914834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17849822835266158,0.0,0.0,0.17403285910446376,0.16546335984767974,0.0,0.18447270210583755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17050257421527645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001929933735105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632566888333055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599911772181091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917184903098153,0.1155962687509462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19490971102253005,0.0,0.0,0.17734812670068084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34231167937648904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127795203592786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14573779074024426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077440480436193,0.0,0.0,0.13237264555838402,0.0972272223222072,0.0,0.15804967806362802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757766164298346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Knightof13,2019/07/25,"Did getting formally diagnosed cause anything to ""click for you"" did confusing behaviors make sense suddenly, did you realize why you clung to certain characters or stories. [M20] I was diagnosed formally a few months ago after what is a decade since the event my therapist thinks sparked the trauma. (Childhood cancer) Finally after having a diagnosis so many things is just assumed we're parts of life or wrote off as bad days made so much sense. I finally had a word for what my panic attacks were and understood that my flashbacks and nightmares were more than just bad luck. What really felt like a ""duh"" moment was my attachment to Iron Man's character in the comics and MCU because I saw similarities that I just never connected to PTSD. Mind you I've gone entirely untreated until a few months ago, so until now I just lived day to day like it was normal, and was wondering if anyone else experienced a sense of self understanding or relief simply by getting diagnosed?",8.457954545454548,8.84379706818182,8.437636363636365,65.91645454545456,61.27272727272727,12.721818181818184,38.054545454545455,12.161744961471696,5.128231363636363,788,36,126,25,10,256,116,176,0.098,0.815,0.087,-0.4485,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,0,0,8,11,1,2,10,1,13,5,0,3,2,30,25,14,0,2,8,0,1,2,0,0,5,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,16,4,13,5,18,9,5,22,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,8,21,83,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24344695253094376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601542927931113,0.14069777243847853,0.11300041456177573,0.0,0.0,0.1562182205207286,0.0,0.0,0.2293083725356148,0.08370733440103813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106266399712875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26567484115115564,0.0,0.0,0.4181224213361652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471096048254885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184611522206338,0.30084871864364005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434852139846701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699125007819516,0.13417256574781086,0.0,0.12125366683304073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129932922839113,0.09166034526142272,0.1392181608813202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386512998379084,0.0,0.21921067265192454,0.0,0.10094399475457368,0.0,0.10590754540986708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345417712182756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111223188410576,0.0,0.1487012239681703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605165424832962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796896057164598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14325186234790974,0.0,0.0,0.11359026629100852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943593637253925,0.09122749380499492,0.08798736318789635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429521227736484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239074795301785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148914723783791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yamaguccci28,2019/07/25,"A Diagnosis Hi, everyone. I just joined this subreddit because earlier today, I was diagnosed with PTSD. At first, I couldn't believe it but the proof was in the pudding. So many of my behaviors now have an explanation behind them. I'm still processing it but, I know first hand how ppl online can be supportive. I haven't told anyone besides my bestest friend. Coming from a Black household, mental illness isn't something that is at all talked about in my family so that answers that. Like I said, I'm still taking it all in myself so I don't want to be judged by them. Instead, I've come here~~",2.6493678160919534,5.164730603448277,3.947241379310345,83.98022988505748,79.17241379310346,7.314942528735633,26.04597701149425,8.344100000000001,2.0248873563218392,474,19,89,10,12,155,81,116,0.047,0.825,0.129,0.8847,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,2,11,3,0,0,5,0,11,3,1,1,3,14,21,6,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,4,3,13,3,12,14,2,13,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,0,7,64,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14249510733289636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422884206795635,0.0,0.0,0.22960219004108465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35109506837737964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20684314230812006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473062619804568,0.0,0.0,0.1921156157653133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466883153640835,0.0,0.0,0.15744809153393532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119979695919082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09956178033504896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661165529722544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2053729659973216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23822027481984315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19385150293604286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688793975921392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254948304307806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312591277394257,0.0,0.0,0.1532251491951557,0.16379914350066488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931696350375948,0.19473062619804568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12020096026077814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bjarkardottir1975,2019/04/29,"PTSD Nightmares - what do I do next? I am having trouble convincing the team that deals with my mental health that my ptsd nightmares are affecting me so badly that I am very often wetting my bed and at many times more than once a night and I also wake up and I’m covered in vomit or actually in the process of being sick that’s how graphic, brutal and gruesome they are and I’m so stressed out and for the most part only get 1-2 1/2 hours of sleep if I sleep at all I’m so scared that these nightmares are beginning to creep into my waking life that when a driver tooted his horn, making my dog jump, to which he found great amusement I found myself thinking of one of my nightmare scenarios playing out on the driver and it really freaked me out I’m terrified I’m going to end up seriously hurting someone and I don’t know what more I can do I know there’s medication for these dreams and I did ask for it but they didn’t know what I was talking about so they cut me off there and then and changed the subject aaaaaaaarrrrrrfh Can someone suggest something I can do?",2.8166553480475365,4.7486634377880215,3.8181275770070333,88.0306500121271,75.91244239631337,6.227407227746787,26.16759641038079,7.0608816371341465,1.1729410138248846,854,32,171,9,19,275,126,217,0.11599999999999999,0.84,0.045,-0.9177,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,3,1,11,13,2,2,7,0,18,9,4,3,1,31,34,22,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,1,0,14,16,0,0,6,4,0,2,2,9,0,1,5,1,26,4,25,28,5,22,0,1,0,0,10,12,0,4,8,121,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.14417900847170315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815260727754348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381227813896552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123361931234818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15629592158454614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523198762926437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085930695793027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239922319018108,0.0,0.0,0.07719130751774388,0.0,0.08396758769586724,0.0,0.0,0.1628907408898851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15704733426368134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14550027598583046,0.0,0.15816539567905674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24359239341484165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435753208851553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09862175623215072,0.1497914881988171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883878369560544,0.14889345021842526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15712979244867173,0.13864982886789667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573449137348797,0.1001166695960114,0.11236766611514896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999477003697807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454148744228632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946500186176354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479197514264685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957058624366018,0.0,0.25036980356288385,0.11374226658787435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692428080357364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875282367473332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09466981887399163,0.0,0.0,0.08615201524008975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121906113529431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,notthelasttimelord,2019/04/29,"Newly diagnosed I figured I presented some PTSD symptoms but of course never want to self diagnose. Saw my psychiatrist today and showed her my thought process over the last week and how my mind snowballed. She immediately pulled out her DAM-5 and we checked off almost all requirements. She stated she wondered about it since she first saw me, but I just now told her about a major trauma that connected it for her. So, hey! Lol I’ll be around I guess. This is my 5th diagnosed mental disorder in 5 years, so I’m not entirely new.",3.540399999999998,6.171036240000002,4.239999999999998,82.47500000000002,76.6,8.0,27.0,8.841846274778883,2.3863000000000003,424,17,78,10,10,135,78,100,0.08800000000000001,0.871,0.040999999999999995,-0.58,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,2,8,1,0,0,2,1,2,4,0,1,2,22,10,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,3,1,1,1,2,1,0,1,4,2,18,0,10,5,3,16,0,0,2,0,12,5,0,4,9,51,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18995959405353366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16887539339026333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5776319588641736,0.0,0.0,0.21741543455539905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16136080097897318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20897862804218087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463281017080588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19117544390241892,0.0,0.19154538919127714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631021871083433,0.18321580141561505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22175200403851444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979010204583998,0.0,0.0,0.15692382105676664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19717347388959175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15060254965468875,0.0,0.0,0.17981573449770438,0.1812688136631036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189141581395368,0.0,0.15216785697959667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572420710677752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216215355672724 ptsd,skepticorange,2019/04/29,"What’s normal for you? I was diagnosed with PTSD around 6 years ago but wasn’t really told much about it or even treated for it due to other issues. I knew a bit myself, the kinda stuff you find in the DSM-5 or Dr. Google, but have recently been looking up certain behaviors + childhood trauma. The amount of things that are connected to PTSD that I just assumed were universal took me for a trip. The one I found the most difficult to wrap my head around was that people do not normally remember, visualize, or think in 3rd person.",8.213009708737863,6.910269524271849,8.139145631067965,73.39978640776702,62.49514563106796,12.123495145631068,34.19223300970874,11.20814326018867,3.6710675728155344,423,14,80,10,5,137,79,103,0.07400000000000001,0.9,0.026000000000000002,-0.6946,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,8,3,1,0,1,21,14,5,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,6,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,9,1,9,2,14,5,4,12,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,6,5,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066482681313035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3226971099825492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19787514738615367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18396222999785536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971215551285548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.165656780797126,0.0,0.0,0.1987283479084352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18601205576891866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917512840895745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220211325710642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323764595498627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35516781207878945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281788504694585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12565408105736114,0.15825818205782768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237368713078182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611168403004038,0.0,0.17895987766494784,0.0,0.2053178987210544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20748483575478852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041267586549408,0.1161359739471828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17318959596401842,0.2013724583574744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671734143913814 ptsd,jspeedy0106,2019/04/29,I would do anything to never remember Ok definitely new to this i was always told to hide my feelings and not talk about them..but it has got way to hard to hide it..I have so much that has happen in the past and i hate who i am to day cause im so messed up and i never know when something gonna trigger a flash back..i wish i could loses my memories and never feel like this again..ive seen ptsd electric therapy and i was trying to find out more on it and if it helped i know im looking for a miracle that probably will neved happen..the meds dont help they just keep adding more i hate this..so if anyone knows about it or could help me with any advice i would definitely appreciate it,0.7720408163265304,2.7795384489795936,2.8415238095238102,92.14514285714287,82.87755102040815,6.096870748299319,19.323809523809523,7.3011,0.3157368707482995,540,14,123,8,15,182,93,147,0.20600000000000002,0.732,0.062,-0.9472,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,1,6,6,2,0,3,1,13,0,0,2,3,31,28,12,0,7,5,0,3,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,7,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,5,14,2,15,17,3,12,0,1,2,0,7,4,0,3,8,75,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153831542507444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200543599121256,0.0,0.0,0.09153870708070808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412171294223462,0.0,0.11077170264788584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350597945089908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828047916112912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21494859876704603,0.0,0.0,0.08681164170694719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776069574868035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612466698100895,0.09616466617917822,0.0,0.0,0.1230301485657386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10765908012545806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380685132401765,0.0,0.12058318608268835,0.2657969548298845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706766404583777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908015463623509,0.0,0.0,0.1196466263900322,0.0,0.0,0.22193268824484996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06576313730422327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11303762222068996,0.15059299187518355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149520206435271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895307211400084,0.0,0.31145617935487624,0.13000617001589193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284994813149532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513122325504652,0.0,0.1573506679863194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248570847088944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036285519306832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081935811924842,0.0,0.0,0.15393707426031428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12862462749163295,0.0,0.0913906462212681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684632498230484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479365804287193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19124468266623332,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AmThyGhostFox,2019/04/29,Help? I think I might have PTSD and don't know what to do about it. I know I can't ask for medical advice but is it allowed for me to ask for respectful and trustworthy websites to help me educate myself so I can figure out if its just my anxiety disorder or if I should seek a doctors help?,2.166612903225804,3.5306392096774215,4.4718064516129035,85.08770967741938,76.25806451612901,8.830967741935485,26.916129032258066,9.3871,2.3165058064516133,229,9,50,6,5,80,43,62,0.08,0.659,0.261,0.9275,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,1,0,15,13,7,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,10,1,8,11,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,4,0,39,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400875314771708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795382698261456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4593780000354574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28158449674334113,0.25147633271016245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4940468199412386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700519672543586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475089992175546,0.0,0.2606405512890572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28720098270254946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574296130605955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ashtenbutwhocares,2019/04/29,I feel constantly broken?? There’s this feeling of just crying almost always there but I just kinda push it to the back but the moment I don’t have something distracting me bang back to crying without a noticeable reason. Is this common for people with ptsd?,3.078125,6.102637229166671,4.000833333333337,80.62750000000003,82.95833333333334,5.7,20.5,7.1686216300943375,1.1132249999999997,209,6,32,3,6,67,38,48,0.233,0.742,0.025,-0.8844,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,1,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,11,5,2,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,6,5,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443111628490879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301126686608328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3752117891526333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636561747026534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5360021030314484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246727677554029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777733424496817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914531369475005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852000723664281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508525221640813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878280587434723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23518843297164185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nekoomancerr,2019/04/29,"Working through PTSD in therapy [tw: abuse + sexual assault] I've been seeing my therapist for a couple years and the main reason was to help with PTSD. I ended up cowarding out numerous times but now we're actually getting into it and attempting to work through it. Logically, I know that my abuser (ex gf) will not come back and I will never see her again and know that what happened, unfortunately happened, but it is not happening /now/. Even though I know this, it doesn't help. I cannot physically speak about it. No matter how long I sit there going through the events in my head -- I can never speak about it. Writing is fine. But I cannot speak like something is holding my mouth shut. This is causing some issues with getting things out there for therapy... [Some background: I was raped numerous times, have gotten blackout drunk to the point I couldn't move and just lay there to try and be okay with the sexual advances, guilted, emotionally and mentally abused, manipulated, was made into the abuser somehow, etc. This happened right after high school with an older woman (I am FTM) around 4 to 5 years ago now. I still have nightmares about being raped again or her coming back. I cannot go to some places without a panic attack happening or being extremely uncomfortable. I cannot say her name.] When bringing it up or talking about it, I disassociate intensely and just forget what I say, forget what happened, and don't remember what happened in therapy once I come back. I've planned on writing about events that I can remember and giving them to my therapist to read. But is there a way or does anyone have experience or advice in keeping yourself grounded through it? Disassociating throughout my session is not helping but I can't find a way to stay.",7.031615853658536,7.689208685975611,7.17490243902439,72.83229268292685,64.27439024390246,9.974634146341463,34.692682926829264,9.888512548439397,3.4589092682926834,1411,60,244,28,20,455,171,328,0.158,0.7809999999999999,0.061,-0.9896,0,0,1,0,4,0,48.0,0,0,1,5,26,9,4,2,10,1,29,5,2,5,2,65,53,23,0,1,16,1,0,1,1,2,0,5,0,1,20,22,1,2,8,2,0,8,15,6,0,0,6,7,29,3,38,41,5,53,0,0,2,2,20,18,0,9,24,177,49,5,0.0,0.3726143965682106,0.07672322453074805,0.0,0.0,0.07682800166259415,0.0696931994845541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497396781344039,0.0,0.0,0.06998978714009642,0.0,0.08944328522238817,0.0,0.18136519847416796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076591864936096,0.0,0.20317633373205524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869931737299133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880218816650109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843858437762102,0.0696352964005979,0.0,0.08768373437603738,0.051928746947129296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690689505798635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185860962269824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215295806626689,0.0754208889957967,0.08936479938908264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4866730142599466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068832218213791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15809496507507728,0.08306791168481878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820604000467147,0.0,0.0698823850792977,0.0,0.0,0.12962493009249113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03841048447229204,0.0,0.0,0.06957753693750174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439354665888841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923196124980987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08356219226409688,0.0,0.0,0.12127546658414068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837293117300195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09224536844159928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214271430091549,0.0,0.07432271260194047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380860880872732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864275745806415,0.0,0.0,0.08083597723618224,0.0,0.0,0.17812562409766336,0.06714231550833377,0.0,0.12504591523906186,0.0,0.07956913654561742,0.12530228298658064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06052665745561984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838000382179987,0.06278721658049527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319296859532128,0.0,0.0,0.26973154762521423,0.18257119923825196,0.05223261871326401,0.0,0.07724520626161424,0.0,0.0916896360865056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053378824999720915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481214476337735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578830242525357,0.0,0.11447474962737225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125931258975326 ptsd,the-secret-history,2019/04/29,"Need to find online mental health resources for my little sister My sister is 16 and her ex-bf sexually assaulted her a few months ago. It was kind of covert assault, if you can call it that. He admitted to her recently that he did stuff even though he knew she didn’t want him to, and even when she quit kissing him and just lay there, he would keep going (she was too scared to say anything). She’s been having trouble sleeping and has been feeling depressed, but she refuses to ask our mom for therapy because her twin sister is already going for anxiety and she doesn’t want to be a financial burden. I tried to explain to her that her mental health is more important, but she did have a point: our parents, however wonderful they may be, are a bit skeptical of mental health, and I also don’t think they agree that what happened to my sister was assault and that she should just get over it. I told her I would pay for her to do online therapy, but I’m having trouble finding places that don’t require parental consent. Maybe if I wrote one of them and explained things, that would help? Are there any other resources I can point her to if I can’t find a therapist? I would just talk to my mom, but my sister really doesn’t want me to.",8.515232815964524,6.299984211382117,8.241574279379153,75.80664079822618,62.57723577235773,11.384478935698445,36.59127864005913,9.800150414767053,3.323915447154472,980,35,193,15,11,315,127,246,0.11699999999999999,0.784,0.1,-0.7522,3,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,2,1,3,2,11,11,4,1,5,0,33,5,1,0,0,42,53,18,0,12,10,9,1,0,0,6,3,1,0,0,14,8,0,3,10,0,1,2,6,9,0,1,11,2,39,2,21,34,3,11,0,1,0,1,49,5,0,5,4,141,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339013102295904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116260966341637,0.08425170614235214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164446064191438,0.0,0.08059566551238047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0866975200293916,0.0,0.09849194408270463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422293518997282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150194868854144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075784053317598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074140781435687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917089521267562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0532702430312672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288875457753038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055043214936865585,0.0,0.11975042594559787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316436057959976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33595972602810925,0.0,0.0,0.07061669149753898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364364309603693,0.0,0.10971017454371224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559257399219636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584244248943199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31851672603862946,0.0,0.0,0.24677910352345314,0.08409270778607125,0.0,0.0,0.0781187955215773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139072442929749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339667160655297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007270304535466,0.0,0.1991875224329531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11205714732402416,0.0,0.0,0.06749259063076829,0.0,0.10402455070281952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837818789668997,0.10547792145253206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543027361239864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060533958035705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467970563117487,0.0,0.0,0.24096339155087015,0.12232433253159752,0.06999264119571791,0.06750670970455352,0.1035099548739537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067044156282737,0.0,0.07152857807425474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864218892834307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425212286153633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29936236980441244,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,madisonmakes,2019/04/29,"Does PTSD have to come from one event? And does it have to be life threatening? Someone suggested to me that I have symptoms in line with PTSD because of my job. I’m a teacher who has gone through a very tough year. Long story short, I’ve had elementary students try and gaslight me, yell at me, call me names, hit, kick, bite, scratch, and throw things at me. I’ve called to my administrators for assistance when things get violent and I was told “we have no one to help you.” After being hit and had something thrown at me (and my emotions are escalated), I am supposed to attempt to deescalate the student who just physically assaulted me. And when I spoke of these concerns to my administrator, I was told “your standards are too high.” I have been having nightmares, anxiety, depression, etc. and was recommended a therapist. Before I go, I wanted to get some more info that Google hasn’t been much help with. So my questions- does PTSD have to come from one traumatic event? Can it come from repeated “smaller” traumas that seem to snowball? And does it always have to be life threatening? I’ve never been in a life threatening situation at school/my job, but the constant struggles have really taken a toll on me. (I’m not looking for a diagnosis, but more info on others experiences in similar situations. Thanks all.)",4.7845918367346965,6.863272306122449,5.514846938775513,77.34247448979593,70.83673469387755,8.981632653061224,31.43367346938776,9.516144504307137,3.12658775510204,1045,47,188,25,20,339,138,245,0.109,0.8540000000000001,0.037000000000000005,-0.9281,2,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,1,2,0,1,5,7,2,1,8,0,26,4,0,0,2,29,45,14,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,12,15,0,0,4,0,0,6,4,6,0,3,13,4,24,1,32,27,6,27,0,1,1,0,15,11,0,3,10,130,36,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906600859643605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335101022230151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06641854116464041,0.0,0.09271349591528527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225124317914839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815677325435709,0.0,0.11774268410109827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384360762128904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813923749923716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225607885286952,0.0,0.0,0.12151469521924152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657983467208873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138499829166685,0.0,0.06192218225174425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606176492139833,0.11511795252231133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162439537689796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308764476383318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642259485445208,0.09149556409510937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800951663185054,0.0,0.08403355231395401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214941323650892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3820910554906049,0.0,0.12205560954861396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979997715547892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026924714147733,0.0,0.09918941275128272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449421254335581,0.0,0.0,0.09231803027799358,0.08387962015642726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390442496604525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324695963835713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031200812724278,0.0,0.12650626589479785,0.1447709951819679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082241755916234,0.0,0.07397394393794124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990007676429641,0.06426504742548095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07016406517704386 ptsd,IrishAnthem,2019/04/29,"Should I get tested? Last Friday I made a post on r/confession taking about my childhood. The terrible memories of my parents fighting, the fear, having to distance myself from yelling or aggressive behavior because it felt like I was back there hearing them. A lot people mentioned PTSD, some even complex PTSD, which I didn’t know existed. I’ve come hear because I don’t want to make a big deal out of it unless i need to talk to someone, but my question is whether is sounds like I may have PTSD, because I figured who better to ask for advice about getting tested than people who know a lot about it. I’m not asking for a diagnosis, I’ll leave that to my doctor, but I just want to know if I should get tested or talk to my doctor about it. Thanks, AN",7.998685714285713,6.181064240000001,8.028476190476193,75.66900000000003,63.26666666666666,10.438095238095238,36.76190476190476,8.841846274778883,3.114390476190476,596,23,114,7,7,194,93,150,0.06,0.8320000000000001,0.10800000000000001,0.8316,1,0,0,0,3,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,8,8,2,1,8,0,10,2,0,2,0,29,30,7,0,6,9,1,1,2,0,3,2,4,0,0,8,2,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,5,17,4,21,23,3,8,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,8,5,78,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689806096177364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428038519715471,0.0,0.0,0.09985461686826863,0.0,0.23748504805555995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485095363705752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186321925153417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388035023472733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658352043719678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577155663510752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612903149491213,0.0,0.0,0.12468633019036975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2035400672010234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927241737724237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141036070843336,0.10585354241228608,0.0,0.13750339268259926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688644490695694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22080530344734006,0.0,0.12287703200379467,0.08668281242401392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628982675014204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14419458470162191,0.0,0.0,0.18005767390407534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12437034787734152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553995068427978,0.0,0.1454733462013811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003027905826104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763884487744093,0.2087537097836252,0.0,0.11955799115187705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531900340729785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anonymous19891986,2019/04/29,"Dream or reality? Sorry if this isn't the place for this post but I have a strange case. I am a 30 yr old male. When I was 4-6 years old I was raped by babysitter's bf. However, I don't know if this was a dream or reality. My mother is exceptionally aware of her children. I told her about this when I was 18 and again recently. She never saw a shift in my behavior growing up. I was super happy and expressive. I am straight and I am comfortable with my sexuality. I don't have trouble with intimacy. I'm okay around straight and gay men, but if they are very touchy/huggy and give me drama I may have a dream of them raping me. I can really feel the sensation there despite never touching myself there - like how it felt back when I was a child. It feels like it was a dream, but how can a child have this imagination? I mean maybe it's because one of my earliest memories is seeing a sex scene in a movie. I'm physically healthy, is there a way to find out if I was really raped? We don't know the babysitter anymore (it's been nearly 3 decades). I'm concerned this could turn into ptsd or some kind of mental breakdown if the right conditions are met. I will be going to a therapist soon to discuss this as well.",2.3541187630430684,3.9547566334661366,4.350313033579969,85.16150066401066,76.29083665338645,7.808840827167523,25.49819768544868,8.563005593585519,1.6743544298994495,949,34,205,19,21,325,140,251,0.08800000000000001,0.723,0.18899999999999997,0.9691,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,2,1,14,12,3,0,16,1,31,5,0,2,2,38,47,22,0,6,12,1,4,2,1,2,0,0,0,5,12,11,0,0,8,5,0,2,6,4,1,1,13,6,30,8,21,30,1,27,0,0,2,5,18,11,0,10,14,142,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231280553525046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569753965350568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584913826338198,0.0,0.09976934328988292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067407346542054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16550900853101413,0.11692310371089633,0.1571451345948529,0.0,0.14958786206896355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700344884850298,0.0930152236108123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422562047116902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17043307089697704,0.17989323075027155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991799127235992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16442460856283855,0.17828037724169638,0.0,0.0,0.16493694705646306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25245879182732284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434801076321959,0.0,0.11090439376884896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17099625335548255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567468946030703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913169275465836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969740558404107,0.0,0.16160054159695011,0.0,0.0,0.13976996610408854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042070200591674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832108137760415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19002897156522672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638998457040268,0.0,0.0,0.17802173285637582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350416835902884,0.0,0.12991054233742175,0.0,0.0,0.1471554909480602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539561066103263 ptsd,Yogabbagaabbaa,2019/04/29,How do I cope with PTSD? I am scared and need someone to talk to I just need a friend to talk to and help ease my mind. I am terrified for tomorrow. I don’t want to explain it in the paragraph box because I am paranoid someone I know will see it.,1.8922222222222231,2.6959102592592608,3.660185185185188,92.86583333333336,76.03703703703705,6.881481481481483,28.314814814814817,7.1686216300943375,1.2347925925925924,190,8,46,2,4,64,36,54,0.157,0.6709999999999999,0.171,-0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,1,0,11,12,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,8,1,8,11,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,1,30,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16441821365382275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20838424895767907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807869764255377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823052188704694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27233932609669553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3999864775551821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31528710555456657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700357959947499,0.0,0.21493114157307325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570641077081659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335798696034409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590872685969357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aldermoth,2019/10/05,"I got diagnosed today. TW: Self harm and ableism Hey, guys. I'm Jackson. I'll be 16 soon. I got diagnosed with PTSD and put on meds today. I used to live in a pretty shitty home. I have really mixed feelings about the diagnosis. I'm glad I can finally get the proper meds and stuff, but most people would laugh if a 16 year old told them that they had PTSD. My own 21 year old brother has been telling me things like ""Everybody has a little bit of PTSD, stop using shit as an excuse"" when I try to avoid my triggers. He also tried to claim that he himself has it and that my self harm scars trigger it... He refuses to seek professional help if that's the case. I don't really know where to proceed from here.",2.0124403183023887,3.8494264137931036,3.5710344827586202,89.32625994694962,77.9655172413793,6.944297082228117,22.188328912466847,7.882392219407189,0.9384748010610084,550,16,119,9,13,182,101,145,0.127,0.759,0.114,-0.4861,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,0,6,7,1,1,7,0,10,3,1,4,0,19,20,10,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,1,3,8,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,5,1,14,3,12,13,3,16,0,0,0,0,16,4,1,3,12,65,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245377875717293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986875283227124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600687152270843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477895752811058,0.0,0.0,0.14034407581875574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693496931322444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049310572031876,0.0,0.0,0.12685431356877908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587300149184146,0.0,0.12851011641038465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040883186840413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06259067622093673,0.12840521230416554,0.11312817876067205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28461448808880546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26887096359939183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881903482037806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13033934335961653,0.0,0.0,0.4492798754803636,0.1287912868645021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414791497633946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26730444884290394,0.0,0.13150853958559802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711014794967827,0.0,0.0,0.1466613952888034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197844056966387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511412888873837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428766950865447,0.12241968287073166,0.0,0.17396379131961567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213010120872407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100945075326634,0.0,0.0,0.16500413717071954 ptsd,11DudeMan11,2019/10/05,"1 year to the day, October 5th. (Trigger warning/venting) 1 year ago today something really fucking horrible happened to me at work...and below is my venting a little bit about it as it's close to the time it happened. I need this, love you all and thanks for all the quiet support this past year. --- A normal day, took all the kids out to lunch even, got ready for work and left around 2:30, like always, another typical day. As I write this I would have been taking my last break there ever. Then came 7:00 PM when my life permanently changed....fuck you for all the physical AND mental pain your negligence has caused me. Always putting profit before safety yet preaching the fucking opposite. That explosion should have NEVER fucking happened and I even ASKED IF EVERYTHING WAS SAFE TO RUN. NOW I CAN'T EVEN GO OUT IN PUBLIC WITHOUT WANTING TO CRAWL UP INTO MYSELF AND DIE! I really hope it was worth it...Your whole company is scum.",3.525973109243697,6.053976434285718,4.2029915966386575,83.26418487394962,76.08571428571429,7.089075630252101,26.294117647058826,8.124751697461798,1.929662184873949,736,28,130,13,17,234,118,175,0.063,0.778,0.159,0.9461,0,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,3,0,1,10,11,3,0,8,0,11,7,0,2,6,29,29,10,1,7,2,0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,8,11,1,1,0,0,2,5,3,4,0,0,6,1,15,7,21,21,6,34,1,0,0,4,8,11,3,2,18,84,23,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557405870109653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1981997823939145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488566372207492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10602334159796202,0.11134146801460516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134445891995048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300252385043286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13621750343796302,0.0,0.12234745856983345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23042696557502776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360593670944628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23599125678046884,0.1077318448862197,0.0,0.0,0.10703848261525208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4404203471279503,0.0,0.0,0.0676866942993892,0.0,0.0952543332596325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159565009153731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829215903015955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708156366573067,0.0,0.0,0.12940138896481096,0.0,0.08412313091449823,0.05818574512874885,0.11936846520015515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749147831795244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002375826990565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831038369596503,0.09185647468369243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11669171213422593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126729710564854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369345161226263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972736907090327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525957110690868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168821254385053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515210977606498,0.0,0.0,0.08954761002044173,0.0,0.0,0.10965033824329193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944757231747037,0.0,0.11289190604152127,0.0,0.1323233476866927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024766345507384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329697565807098,0.0,0.11480716552371048,0.0,0.17341095008318586,0.0,0.0,0.084604497435764,0.0,0.0,0.23008751263642085 ptsd,Michaelaab15,2019/10/05,"I was sexually assaulted for years Idk if Im putting this in the right sub, but here’s a story I’m too afraid to tell. From when I was 13 till nearly 15, a guy 3 years older than me touched me without my permission. I told him to stop every time but I never told anyone after it happened. I did see it as a terrible thing that happened that I needed to get help for. I saw it as something done to me because I had done something wrong. He didn’t just physically abused me, he emotionally abused me too, which kept me mentally trapped in the “relationship”. He told me I was worthless and the only thing that gave me worth was him and pleasing him. He put me on diets, poked at my flaws telling me to fix them. Refused to let me have a safe word and didn’t listen when I said no or stop. I eventually found the courage to block him and avoid him. But my way of thinking was changed. I constantly need some sort of sexual attention. I have no self worth or respect. I believe I am absolutely worthless and let myself get treated like it. I let anyone do what they want to me in return for attention and kind words. It’s really hard for me to talk about this and a lot of this I’m only realizing now. Maybe my mind is right and what happened is my fault and I deserve it. I’m 16 and struggling to cope with the reality that I might have been abused. Maybe I’m right and it’s all my fault and need to stop being annoying.",2.2572696245733788,3.9298197508532446,3.881823890784984,88.10643549488056,76.74744027303755,7.145337883959044,25.03058020477816,7.9765259561132025,1.2988843412969286,1109,39,242,18,25,370,152,293,0.226,0.672,0.102,-0.9909,0,2,2,0,3,0,24.0,0,0,2,0,8,17,2,3,10,0,24,1,0,0,2,47,48,23,0,5,8,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,19,13,1,8,5,0,2,2,6,11,0,0,20,6,45,6,33,23,3,27,0,2,2,0,25,9,0,7,16,162,64,0,0.0,0.34065180986305715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402224428956022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058421052241971125,0.0,0.0,0.10797493815424604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138232925472274,0.0,0.0,0.10356523010538796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614806459939904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10780318422988723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074640035133668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507979606132488,0.0,0.0,0.10014125096838418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948932208519246,0.2542437507914034,0.0,0.0858506964928802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423719829885635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351988576290662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997989864451833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939980003037953,0.0,0.04682088211911185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147678100338833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925613285597185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658066980174228,0.10166740136007624,0.09676756390832096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21318469269955487,0.07391503131094856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577598197286787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519971830288516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926843429192568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061395327876601125,0.0,0.0,0.10289255520600976,0.0,0.24553158983617904,0.0911624755708188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636929736205697,0.0,0.09997839011205097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755926839911232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403708625807268,0.0,0.10018913762405336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702976346191656,0.1675306829179274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273390490718961,0.06140817143700171,0.0,0.0,0.055883044717222365,0.0,0.0,0.2747277016396389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05652686173383679,0.07607056767554098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238298403708342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478218846666988,0.0,0.12343115176397115 ptsd,catmum69,2019/10/05,"Does anyone else try to make themselves as unattractive as possible? My trauma happened a long time ago (when I was 9, and I’m 20 now) but it’s been effecting me more lately than ever. I’ve recently put on upwards of 20kgs (50ish lbs I think) in 6 months and stopped shaving or wearing makeup. I can’t stand the thought of someone looking at me in a romantic or sexual way. It’s like I’m trying to make my outside look as disgusting as I feel inside.",2.4944565217391315,4.314944532608699,4.286304347826088,84.81467391304348,76.5,7.208695652173913,28.89130434782609,8.07648339933343,2.0773652173913044,355,16,70,6,8,120,71,92,0.11,0.8140000000000001,0.076,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,3,1,0,3,0,3,1,1,3,1,13,13,10,0,0,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,3,8,1,13,10,1,17,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,2,11,38,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19026312216728514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500794744891447,0.21992140125660045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18783065247852124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793020225664453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941518344286307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085271285811483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18980316147362186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421203584765429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486100155691634,0.0,0.0,0.18994736227273645,0.3604827496243151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28654428879988403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132154071981878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419714409537588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21576989014696568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211928557996153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181861589267423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17944649377594885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753099192538173,0.0,0.17039813608466636,0.12515680555078434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.291449437740877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036919328361694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwawOwOooo,2019/10/05,"Just venting. I hate when this happens. A friend I have brought up people related to something that happened a long time ago. It wasn't brought up with bad intentions but they had done something and thats why. And I feel so bad because my friend cares so much, and immediately after he brought it up I started getting so spacy and staring off. I was walking with him and he was talking about some things and it was like my hearing was muffled. I don't know what he was saying and I feel so bad. It was like I was going in and out of it and could understand parts but barely much. I thought I heard something about having to go so i kind of turned around and was about to walk away until he brought something else up as if he didnt want me to go. I still dont know anything he said and I wish I could figure that out but I can't for a bit. After that I was standing and just, I felt like I had to jump into the busy street nearby. Like I had to run in front of a car to get away from something and get away from it as fast as I could. I think I scared him with how much I spaced out and I feel so bad about it, theres no way he didn't notice. It makes me sad.",0.960782608695652,2.6446298400000003,2.3843304347826084,97.32799130434786,80.6,4.987826086956521,21.669565217391305,5.511479884284512,-0.15944869565217346,900,27,215,4,23,291,118,250,0.122,0.773,0.106,-0.6166,0,0,5,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,0,17,15,1,1,5,0,24,0,0,3,0,47,55,30,0,6,6,0,4,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,15,22,0,0,10,0,0,13,7,7,0,0,24,9,31,8,41,28,6,43,0,1,1,0,17,18,0,2,14,152,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930990900019264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08642733586245699,0.09349528419362677,0.0,0.0,0.2960257645199233,0.0,0.35076883223954,0.06402279082325374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466104013590135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708086618816964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515638149644153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10747792129984476,0.12308952838531023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773563129992193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931269490905464,0.0,0.10084129803106104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16228544131939154,0.0,0.16461503475595815,0.0,0.17906585354512652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574804629923444,0.0,0.0,0.10369129541740042,0.0,0.0,0.11837177982226385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936827373613096,0.11543893447689815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20524132497008105,0.0,0.0,0.09294458313529493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010557860251855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316182795908817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957264029789527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113732774139776,0.0,0.07281170890673487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990364569653268,0.08352078110429402,0.10514921003924152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.404270199363238,0.0,0.0,0.07433784587784573,0.0,0.08387378927399483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441580978139196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06977451611617,0.06729633178234955,0.0,0.08337880313747201,0.06124142488359512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423797921112168,0.0,0.10933562655608677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194697469143552,0.08336464091618019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476950496823884,0.0,0.12077455842288568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,disappointingalpaca,2019/10/05,"PTSD dreams or just stress dreams? i’ve heard of PTSD dreams and my therapist has always been surprised that i don’t have them, but does that include dreams about getting triggered and not necessarily about the exact event that happened? i’ll frequently have dreams where i’m watching something happen or i’m out of control of the situation and ill see myself have a panic attack, but it’s never the same people that were involved in the traumatizing event.",7.996785714285713,8.687383202380952,7.116761904761906,73.96157142857145,62.21428571428571,9.100952380952384,33.46666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.8338409523809527,375,14,62,5,5,115,58,84,0.19399999999999998,0.6629999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.8364,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,2,5,0,7,1,0,2,2,15,14,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,5,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,3,4,1,7,11,1,7,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,2,4,40,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18386340552252112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513834486258527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24783484360676986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933709309904759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154468659227196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3908032427591857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17042444800540296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592588004896682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319166213866742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5166004564185264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760832014362034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24837773348153805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011226552287784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531185491733629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25656133699783623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,QuintRepler,2019/10/05,"I suffer from childhood PTSD, and I've been writing an english piece about Combat PTSD trying to use my own history as sort of source material. I just wanted to post the work here, maybe get some more insight so maybe I could help get it published for more awareness around PTSD. “Inside every person you know, there is a person you don’t know.” It is 6am, and my alarm is going off. My wife wakes alongside me as our daily routine begins. She knows what I like to eat, she knows how I like my tea. She knows what clothes to iron for me. She knows what temperature to set the heating to, because she knows that I can’t stand the cold. She knows to make as little noise as possible, because I enjoy the calm. She knows that I have a two hour commute to work in the morning if I take the train, and that’s why I take the car. She knows that I love my work, and that my work fulfils me in a way family cannot. She knows that my work keeps me from her, and that perhaps that doesn’t upset me as much as it upsets her. She loves me,but she doesn’t know me. She will never know me the way that I know her, because I have known her since I met her. I have known her since the first night we spent together back in our youth. She likes her coffee with milk and two sugars, and she likes her toast lightly burned and heavily buttered. She sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door. She organises the cutlery drawer with precision, because she likes the order to be tablespoons, teaspoons, then forks and knives. She goes to the beauty parlour on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and then gets coffee with her girlfriends, and they gossip for hours, and then she picks up the children on her way home. She cooks at 6:30 for the children, and then starts to cook for us at 7:00 because I often won’t be home till 8:00. I do not often observe this, but I know this because I know her. She is beautiful, but she is shallow. I am happy to love her and be loved by her, but it was never hard for me to know her. She does not know that I am so hard to know because there is much about myself that I am afraid to confront. She does not know that on the days that I leave as early as 4:00AM for work, it is not because I need to work but because I cannot sleep. She does not know of my racing heart, or the paralysing fear which overwhelms me during my sleep and haunts me while I am awake. She does not know of the things I have seen, when I fought and bled overseas for days upon days in the chaos of battle surrounded by seas of broken minds, broken bodies and broken men. She does not know that I hate the cold, because of the freezing days I spent living like a rat in a foxhole, praying that I would not succumb to the icy winds and freezing rain that I could feel sinking into my bones and ripping at my skin like the inevitable grip of Death itself. She does not know that the reason I enjoy the quiet is because I can constantly hear gunfire and artillery, the thundering orchestra of war. The drums of battle did not come from the marching band, but instead the percussive doom that spelled the end of many of my friends. She does not know that the overtime I “spend in the office” is actually spent drinking away the memories I am not ready to process, reliving seeing my friends turned into bloody messes of bones, blood and meat. Many nights I drive home drunker than I ought to be, perhaps subconsciously hoping that an accident on the road will answer the calamity within my head. She doesn’t know me, but it is not because I do not care for her or love her. It is because I do not know if I truly know myself. Often I try to reconcile the bright young man I once was with the man that I am now, but that young man is unrecognisable to me now. He was a man with no blood on his hands. He had never taken a life or seen a life taken. War changed me, and home is no longer home to me. I do not feel unwelcome in my home, but it feels as though my tainted soul corrupts the innocence of my children, and has extinguished the bright flame that once burned in the heart shared between my lover and I. If I pat my son’s back, will I soil his youthful skin with the blood I cannot wash from my hands? When I hold my daughter’s hand as we cross the road, does she know that those same hands that hold hers once were gripped around the throat of a man fighting for the same reasons I was? When I look into my wife’s eyes, does she see the eyes of her husband or of a murderer? Inside of every person you know, there is a person you don’t know. And as every day goes on, I fear I shall never know myself either.",6.86682622705833,5.42936760365199,6.562122308877786,84.06349635735303,65.2298603651987,9.255695138467287,31.195091766683788,7.505811317475913,1.7866302993508618,3593,102,770,27,46,1125,354,931,0.10800000000000001,0.7809999999999999,0.111,0.4728,0,0,1,1,2,0,92.0,5,4,1,8,24,45,9,7,60,0,60,38,22,6,5,143,131,65,4,10,33,5,15,7,4,7,3,3,8,13,42,40,7,3,42,6,4,5,32,21,0,3,17,32,155,24,107,101,10,86,3,3,9,6,100,34,0,13,47,525,197,8,0.0,0.0,0.03678946395495219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712144248247613,0.0,0.0,0.035420104336323845,0.057977476596404086,0.0,0.2987579930654206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04187586222205993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03843735148148196,0.0,0.039881278380196436,0.0324749489786245,0.0,0.040739977101578326,0.0,0.06020027741662036,0.0,0.0,0.12156592189312958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969213133766324,0.0,0.0,0.03693134855709362,0.0,0.038576199599746966,0.0,0.0,0.03339073979998727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09529085672867706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035539917144433116,0.08484527575453267,0.05718629543882014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032067341204668615,0.0,0.0,0.058253381489829864,0.0,0.059089603729318575,0.0,0.02142560538920388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04013202622103409,0.06754304327263846,0.03722064370048151,0.03869076330747369,0.0,0.04249029605832255,0.0893486398957144,0.02526931080152936,0.0,0.2268952068496115,0.03744430343734514,0.07425321085998271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03350922100426799,0.0,0.0,0.6630005239350999,0.0,0.0,0.03991853347000771,0.0,0.0,0.0532568188100934,0.12892716642709945,0.03778499833336548,0.03328952126805522,0.0,0.031658248787076675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012723261057494,0.0,0.025164839074260082,0.07644314681121668,0.07574882137749722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806594485223293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055427227036224484,0.027953846061234,0.1163053152107592,0.0,0.0,0.07075721959201678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204468339816716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316716776911967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042500741492151696,0.03610588653531042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13220677760360258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07752313042062041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060083551644268735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062371154362619086,0.0,0.1131807634415226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026684038074195858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05669095752727925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025046002109234498,0.0,0.03703975880622176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051191236298936266,0.04100644228779346,0.07365424783255993,0.0,0.04534809109771544,0.03256043202156374,0.0,0.0,0.022236256804693627,0.08977278905435579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03401811081532597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212078810871688,0.0,0.0,0.026780781584527,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shankd123,2019/10/05,95% don’t understand PTSD is a huge reason our society is so fucked up. Including myself. Love everyone who’s suffering. I’m always here.,1.7469230769230784,4.5235994615384625,4.645000000000003,73.33750000000002,92.84615384615385,10.292307692307693,25.73076923076923,9.516144504307137,4.163338461538461,110,5,18,5,4,39,25,26,0.262,0.542,0.196,-0.4967,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,7,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,2,1,0,0,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195117093525285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3669203573111234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549939768975397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34656734294430536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.448865543454654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3948072409444641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997487192540759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MobBap,2019/10/05,"You are what you grow into, and not what you were. To all my survivors out here, may peace constantly lie within yourself. https://youtu.be/nY7GnAq6Znw",6.904999999999998,10.880016166666673,3.7550000000000026,82.39000000000001,74.83333333333334,6.533333333333335,24.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.784266666666667,124,4,18,2,3,33,21,24,0.0,0.868,0.132,0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,6,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,4,1,1,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,17,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,luckyladylucy,2019/10/05,"Paranoia I can’t sleep at night. My ears ring with old, bad sounds. But at least I know, in my google searches, that the antibiotic used to treat anthrax isn’t penicillin based, so I don’t have to choose between deaths. There’s a baseball bat two feet to my left. A very sharp knife under my pillow. My gun on my nightstand, safety on, one in the chamber. And yet, and yet, and yet.",2.1148051948051965,4.036145155844157,2.6454545454545446,95.68818181818185,77.96103896103895,4.919480519480519,22.688311688311693,5.288315135182226,-0.028916883116882893,295,9,65,1,7,91,57,77,0.10300000000000001,0.825,0.07200000000000001,-0.34,0,0,0,1,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,4,3,3,1,0,8,6,5,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,4,9,1,12,6,1,13,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,5,42,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29514636085678964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19426686912008492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840639844561038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317230203366533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3709244913576926,0.0,0.2395315183264929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35374166206936103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3453048281506785,0.0,0.0,0.3052987360424218,0.0,0.29166328229669514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gothtrashcan,2019/10/05,"Flashback of something that never happened? Just a disclaimer, I have not been diagnosed with ptsd nor am I self diagnosing, but I don't know where else to go. If I'm not welcome here, I'm sorry. I still have to talk in depth about this to my therapist. I have two flashbacks. One being when i was a kid, I went to the doctor one time, he made me get on my hands and knees while naked. Doctors don't do that. My mother was in the room and did nothing. The second memory is of my father spanking me as a kid. He says he never did it, but then why do I remember it so vividly? My sister agrees that he never spanked us, but our grandma did. Our mother tried to make my father do it to us. (TMI sorry) It has an effect on me sexually. I can't be on my hands and knees nor can I be spanked without getting these flashbacks. I feel so violated. But i feel so stupid. They're such little things, why do they affect me so bad? They shouldn't affect me like this. I just feel so fucking stupid for it.",0.905093167701864,2.927472014492753,2.847522429261563,92.20391304347828,82.47826086956522,5.295514147688062,20.96825396825397,6.42735559955562,0.21466017943409232,765,23,168,7,21,256,113,207,0.153,0.836,0.01,-0.9873,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,4,0,2,1,13,7,4,0,7,0,24,9,4,5,3,28,38,19,0,2,10,5,5,1,0,1,4,1,1,3,12,4,0,0,6,0,0,2,12,5,0,4,8,7,31,2,18,26,0,19,0,0,1,1,21,9,1,1,9,125,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116131257756002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2823393502750669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28472146018603856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618876338384393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109786495928153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858305077710913,0.14533371097769934,0.0,0.07904595422794612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299356305248495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764381975970994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06795054469379701,0.1394010201582084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13160682783945168,0.0928411907847382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.321815805981228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334570639515104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849696411440986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16258445134910815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15755767400031054,0.0,0.0,0.11060701484197648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509735310923827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707543523881036,0.0,0.3113914698609037,0.0,0.0,0.11107450543951626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179230608162796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16148992396318346,0.0924027629724378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811023448473872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443047344175994,0.0,0.13586711313650926,0.0,0.33460740717655296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893440120075994,0.25100751942200983,0.0,0.0,0.13407423785370684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cris16925,2019/10/05,"PTSD? I already see a psychiatrist and I know not to get a diagnosis from here but I just want to see if anyone can relate. Idk how to say this but sometimes I'll be lying on the floor trying to stretch bcuz my body doesn't feel well and then I sorta go thru these emotions that are tough to bear and my consciousness is altered and I feel kinda stuck at the same time. But when it passes after 15 mins or so I feel clearer mentally and less tense. I started a new medication a few months ago that seems to be helping me feel better than I have in a long time.",1.6412587412587456,3.5800012222222213,3.2829681429681443,90.46986013986016,79.51282051282051,5.9639471639471635,21.747474747474747,6.980632752743323,0.4883572649572656,441,13,96,5,11,146,85,117,0.128,0.802,0.07,-0.6996,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,7,0,7,2,1,1,0,24,20,14,0,2,7,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,7,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,1,7,11,2,13,17,3,18,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,5,11,64,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581987858443432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21887739916833834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868664974128256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17541903997322952,0.0,0.22031533267843614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22311016401103406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4011544928497071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10362648880658992,0.0,0.11272339549996599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294571909401706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900460704408994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17552808863749667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19981058811672156,0.1998839759112446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583161894177938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915617512854369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23185337681825466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15773101104135642,0.0,0.0,0.31610877881902405,0.18056481532766488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616716488674488,0.0,0.14038881621937208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313118181315983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466247208970053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698835690763308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.178334964559518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,brandos__,2019/10/05,"Meds Ive recently been diagnosed with ptsd, depression and anxiety. After suffering nightmares, flashbacks, extreme social anxiety, depression and multiple suicide attempts i finally sought help and went to my local doctor and was put on anti-depressants which the doc said would also help with my anxiety. Ive been on 4 different meds so far and nothing has helped at all. I still cant go outside without wanting to jump in front of a car. I cant even leave my room when my family is awake without feeling like they are judging me, its even worse when i actually leave the house and get away from the cars. Ive seen a psychologist and psychiatrist and they haven't helped. Has anyone that is going through similar symptoms to me been put on an anti-depressant/anxiety that actually works?",8.388982758620692,8.478689441379316,8.649784482758623,65.33053879310347,61.48275862068965,12.767241379310345,40.88362068965517,12.161744961471696,5.453431034482758,639,33,103,20,8,211,96,145,0.179,0.77,0.052000000000000005,-0.9583,1,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,2,2,7,4,0,0,6,0,16,3,0,0,1,16,24,12,1,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,4,10,0,0,1,0,0,9,5,3,0,0,7,3,15,1,17,16,1,24,0,3,1,0,8,9,0,0,7,71,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.23575745066840706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09659990652191948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3696320993862541,0.0,0.0,0.08446283758335545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349110048145512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121222790808708,0.12260462173755192,0.0,0.12620531157945533,0.0,0.12363904249501068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595682281543526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11387499792328593,0.0,0.06107770077113695,0.08629614067621627,0.0,0.13232527652424758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311052512792109,0.0,0.13730143259959204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3238660015275531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13938148397114108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558094267650693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059014450666739424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268352551537663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590628672934335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14120316660532553,0.24286515193228236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927072262368905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149039311891968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313553091616515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646723144209317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213038223471482,0.0,0.0,0.12555250178910332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124815984138469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197839389214544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328845936748042,0.0,0.08794037041299495,0.0,0.12310066522668182,0.08580946981188098,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HagenAndJerrys,2019/04/17,"Girlfriend has ptsd and has nightmares So my girlfriend has ptsd, won’t get into the background, and it affects her sleep a lot. Wanted know what I’m supposed to do when she’s having a bad dream? Do I wake her up or wait until she wakes up herself?",3.0461764705882364,4.475699450980393,3.727598039215689,91.04669117647059,74.09803921568627,5.1000000000000005,26.47549019607843,3.1291,0.4722901960784309,196,7,40,0,4,62,40,51,0.079,0.88,0.040999999999999995,-0.4329,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,7,3,3,1,0,9,12,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,5,11,1,5,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,2,2,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28130438246598993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17602069678763735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851560069817125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28642741378890835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7876556160517241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.337151640670908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1987172617356196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,noahyasmine,2019/04/17,"Therapist hesitant about diagnosing me with PTSD because of other doctor claiming I have post concussion syndrome after car accidents. This is my first post ever and because i’ve been a long time lurker I’ve decided to ask for your guys advise because of the great support Reddit gives each other. English is not my first language so bare with me please.. A little bit of background story. Started grown up job which consited of driving a lot. Had 2 car accidents in a short period of time. After the second one I couldnt take anything anymore and felt like I was having a mental meltdown. Worked since i was 14 and couldnt lift a finger after the accident. Felt like I was losing my mind literally. Couldnt talk to people normally without crying and wasnt myself anymore. Childhood things arose during therapy sessions like arguing of my parents and molestations from family member. I thought that I outgrew everything but after the accidents I cant live my normal life without thinking about the past, crying and feeling worthless. My love for people and life dissapeard as if was never there and was feeling quite suicidal without wanting to be actually dead for a long while. Was going to therapy since the beginning. Therapist was thinking about PTSD but after telling her that my normal doctor suspected me from having post concussion syndrome (because of the forgetfulness, headaches dizziness etc) she is waiting for other test i guess to conclude that it really is ptsd. Im really hopeless and want to do just anything to get better. So my question is can anyone relate to this or what do you advise me to tell my therapist because I really wanted to start EMDR and I feel as if it is going to take forever.. Sorry for the long read xx",7.0550134770889485,8.353336666666667,7.570431266846362,67.75745283018867,64.40880503144655,10.08230008984726,36.21203953279425,10.181067101454742,4.19786055705301,1412,67,208,32,21,465,173,318,0.122,0.79,0.08900000000000001,-0.919,2,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,2,0,7,8,12,2,0,15,0,27,7,1,1,2,51,52,20,2,11,10,1,6,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,13,13,0,1,12,1,0,6,10,5,0,4,13,6,29,7,42,35,4,34,0,3,0,1,16,4,0,6,24,156,42,9,0.0,0.0,0.07732725920739851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1571704892155177,0.055406772652854784,0.0,0.13041629509543276,0.0,0.07407913421086476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415212472280312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008174820655155,0.0865100601394834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408385077797978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042739975551656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221193875417894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837406010811225,0.0,0.0716775334331273,0.0,0.0,0.07121621674992153,0.0,0.07470085426094156,0.0,0.12019907373271925,0.0,0.15216653794298116,0.0,0.0,0.1348037910235283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041399870260267986,0.0760146705081862,0.09006835998671217,0.0,0.0,0.08736288782114511,0.08729230126545033,0.0784605144005827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559329544016077,0.0,0.07863393038149008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193976182235736,0.11613865973061402,0.07941975897917294,0.06997077867557794,0.2103759428785084,0.0,0.08864980675672987,0.0,0.06736740614174037,0.07151760966359211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985574697292858,0.0,0.08001027653372282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06111512842041525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329164818453712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369538702543969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08798715428817086,0.0,0.07564398611824008,0.10987071648599044,0.0,0.0,0.08698223054016356,0.0,0.0,0.2276713721989182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27788357485302617,0.0,0.08876745117386813,0.08428198400604743,0.07926190443556175,0.0,0.15229040484906856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13109705611281933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870320839996787,0.11217361206404214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667620291336664,0.08992113592097899,0.0,0.0,0.11915792991154606,0.06369048084908167,0.13851931088030822,0.0,0.1812367456937691,0.2760128474848709,0.05264384117097535,0.10154817543530777,0.0,0.0629080746627761,0.09241149990315883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14021423056157634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22915492964627426,0.0,0.057687999241939264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,butterflycari,2019/04/17,"Grief triggering flashbacks \*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*trigger warning\*\* guns/ drunk father/ physical abuse suffocation / natural peaceful pet loss / narcissistic mother\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\*\* &#x200B; I have had PTSD since I was about 7 yrs old. It took me into my thirties to realize what it was because I couldn't remember the traumatic event and my mother never told me what happened, she just told me I was crazy. The memory began to surface when I was grieving from miscarriage. I checked the story with my aunt and she confirmed it. The memory was that my dad was drunk and threatening to kill me, my sister, my mother, and my mother's fiance with a gun. I still only remember fragments, but I can tell you it was terrifying to me at that age. Recently, this is what happened. Our beloved cat passed on last week, it was a very peaceful natural death, and last night we were watching a movie called Rachel Getting Married which has some very intense themes. I had seen it before and there was a scene where a woman confronts her mother and they get into a physical fight. The mother reminds me of mine. I started having a flashback of waking up screaming some time after the trauma with my father and doing this on a regular basis as a little kid. My mother's solution was to come in, slap my face, scream at me, and finally cover my mouth and sit on me to the point I felt like I was suffocating. I honestly think if she could get away with it, she would have smothered me to death. I think I was an embarrassment to her. She has narcissistic traits. I vaguely remembered this before this flashback, but it always seemed muted, gauzy, and far away. Any way, last night I had this flashback in the living room right where our kitty passed. Weird. I start to wonder if going through the grieving process can leave someone with their guard down and some of these memories come up. I am doing ok, but still horrified at my mom. We have been no contact for about a year for other reasons. This just confirms for me how toxic the environment growing up was. Thanks for listening. Telling my story really helps.",6.413672137262218,8.25752933681462,5.827149384558003,77.64785574412535,66.33681462140993,8.604587840358077,31.17204401342783,9.04235418022936,2.797487952256621,1708,67,281,30,28,522,209,383,0.168,0.728,0.10400000000000001,-0.9749,0,0,0,2,2,1,121.0,4,1,2,1,11,17,4,1,21,1,33,5,3,4,1,51,55,20,6,5,7,13,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,2,22,23,2,1,10,2,1,7,3,13,0,0,24,6,57,4,43,28,3,54,0,4,2,0,38,24,0,7,22,207,79,0,0.0,0.12869565734111205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037964176401096,0.11768855319430432,0.13198387533680805,0.07386458951996053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20410209955292308,0.0,0.0,0.06621308476707398,0.0,0.1848533995612273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109120604698022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18713116162715507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672336830047203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429119581783762,0.11898671635020952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702467060569345,0.0,0.06173063470685977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19210270244049532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280497171712713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201707404766841,0.0,0.0,0.26561674811207553,0.0,0.11501175172918487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053065717196971375,0.10886469190231643,0.09591249533607296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127213164985428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377360636165827,0.0,0.0,0.20386299458818466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113977283665054,0.0,0.0,0.08260958234194994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267998705122833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696970355123754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06958406076217791,0.1116783390339802,0.10724807848112757,0.0,0.3691321831954201,0.09275996321486793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888258428044812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985069211029345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203245746054296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537620596421644,0.0,0.1734864178060046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898754452964342,0.10000170706580587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919723471971535,0.0,0.0,0.06333656507209094,0.0,0.0,0.20758006344683466,0.12067961545153695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792439670906175,0.0,0.08621664198922835,0.08712754490990231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177925841207921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07715976352255885,0.0,0.13198387533680805,0.06994702252875447 ptsd,ImOkWithSilence,2019/04/17,"Seeking help I keep moving to loud apartments. Moved 5 times in 1 year, I'm unable to find quiet place to live. All the dr.s and my payee just try to tell me to take more drugs. Im trapped,sick, no car and the words ptsd makes people have a dumb grin on their face. I have lost my health and see no end in sight. Im pretty sure my payee is a drug addict. No one believes anything i say, its always take meds. This is a nightmare, trying very hard to stay positive. It's impossible to find quiet apartment online through pictures. The apartment im in now said ""nice quiet apartment"" I want to hurt him so bad.....",1.6009733333333322,3.6081733040000015,2.8213000000000013,93.38848333333335,79.96,4.806666666666667,20.816666666666666,5.46131890053228,-0.11701333333333384,473,13,101,2,12,152,88,125,0.131,0.726,0.14400000000000002,0.4033,0,1,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,1,1,3,7,1,0,6,0,4,5,1,1,2,12,13,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,4,0,1,2,9,10,3,13,11,2,17,0,2,2,0,6,9,1,0,4,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074263617598135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150577668577761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379041226801953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545574566485987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579113291062238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32071546908980725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247261947655352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527658416733433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238692746337623,0.0,0.0,0.14698227322315302,0.0,0.0,0.09268434017241058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14802867881294196,0.0,0.4480895444110211,0.0,0.0,0.12290719216149305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221013638883412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15094597607750904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230115231324512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15359487600142616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939337119185284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937002576563705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09586404916636354,0.0,0.14447031766006665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067769645782144,0.0,0.0,0.1616387304050641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13153335015414686,0.10996363615707604,0.0,0.0,0.11018908238342152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473851727973039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032469172756336,0.0,0.2079345983524024,0.0,0.12086042990730715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063058887381896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776238086753466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11409323036500114,0.08155951723553022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890460290993732 ptsd,jackiesullivan56,2019/04/17,"Im going crazy About 5 months ago I witnessed someone being shot and then afterwards almost got shot myself. The person that committed this crime then fought and broke my foot because I was trying to get the gun from them which now that I think about it probably was not the best idea. This person also stabbed me in the leg twice and cut my artery and tendon, caused me to have surgery and a cast for 6 weeks. It has caused me to get these horrible thoughts and images in my head that I cannot control. The thought literally of a gun just makes me tense up and I almost/or do start crying. I heae things that cause me to freak out and I just think everyone is out to get me now. Therapy isn't really an option for me. Not sure what to do about it anymore its pretty much driving me insane. Any advice? I'll take anything by now.",2.93339285714286,4.658008410714288,3.6995238095238094,89.91214285714287,75.01190476190476,6.704761904761906,22.714285714285715,7.447530270364453,0.7758642857142855,655,18,137,8,14,208,106,168,0.228,0.743,0.028999999999999998,-0.9862,0,0,0,2,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,2,9,6,2,0,8,0,10,4,4,5,2,28,23,11,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,14,10,0,1,5,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,6,0,20,2,19,16,2,17,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,10,92,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292418324552505,0.12965121308038727,0.0,0.2929177634390004,0.0,0.0,0.11696456344796086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946223579481543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505123174963852,0.0,0.0,0.12036002647976199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08915911524865579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534914951275153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4507498323747757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16404371998618594,0.0,0.0,0.16066042110768686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397582884507367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292454088105315,0.0,0.08312327984058072,0.0,0.11697797745220688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010559035467752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16511043492548513,0.15798656599053512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763009831063757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674382995563355,0.0,0.10751838326213768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554182603708165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14879963024383905,0.15769368400469413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936982971687433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123926147078137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10352401828681823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378489016310983,0.0,0.10996978244883114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726176353074354,0.0,0.09716905564137401,0.18743579666055385,0.0,0.2322291865954944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09930135888729456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11732144553122137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,peachybean93,2019/04/17,Nightmares or anxiety attacks? This has been happening more frequently and I don’t know if I’m just getting worse or if the medicine I’m taking is making it worse. Tonight I was starting to get sleepy laying down in bed and I could hear my heartbeat in my head because I have a pretty bad cold. So all the sudden my heart starts racing and I feel like I can’t breathe. I hear birds chirping and it gets louder and I feel like I’m getting sucked into either a deep sleep or death. My fear during is that I’m going to stop breathing because it feels that way and that I’m going to die. So I pull myself out of it and wake myself up because I am terrified and then it happens again and again. I’m just sitting in the garage smoking now because I’m afraid to try to fall back asleep.,3.3168518518518515,4.474383709876545,4.170061728395062,89.2102777777778,73.01234567901236,6.387654320987655,27.08024691358025,6.42735559955562,1.0174469135802466,619,22,129,4,12,199,96,162,0.203,0.748,0.048,-0.9783,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,2,2,5,0,10,7,7,1,1,27,36,17,2,3,8,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,9,11,0,1,4,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,2,6,16,2,13,33,3,25,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,5,13,79,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140201948066969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16956195580897787,0.0,0.1146075888294325,0.12444763485624682,0.3634295484683956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190015338130414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15468677665161787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167718794411939,0.2260872262501071,0.21295775528815905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114826610085738,0.0,0.1694131664240006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636027254020392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15296474951843153,0.0,0.3359725649180889,0.17662086701221105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191208023958417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14563322119706718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948972252305698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516339139328717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491541791904733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21099181568078376,0.0,0.0,0.12460958093617985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206444867999336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119281669086456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11830620555904076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037823144318014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,IzzyScoutC,2019/04/17,"Issues with food aggression? [TW: abuse, food] Long story short, I was mentally abused by my mother when I was younger and my dad managed to get custody of me when I was 13. Up until then, my mother used food as leverage to keep me in line which manifested in issues when I moved in with my dad. I began to hoard food and get aggressive/argumentative when other people asked for parts of my meal (ex. Asking for a taste of something). It wouldn’t even be much but I’d still get upset. I’ve managed to work with through it for the most part and I’m comfortable sharing food with close friends/family and my partner if asked, but I still get unreasonably angry if someone takes my food without asking. Does anyone else have this kind of issue?",3.704374999999999,5.620484020833337,4.495555555555558,84.20500000000001,73.375,7.022222222222222,25.19444444444445,7.793537801064563,1.3743861111111109,585,19,112,8,12,188,90,144,0.08900000000000001,0.855,0.055999999999999994,-0.4234,0,0,1,0,2,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,7,5,1,1,2,0,6,8,0,1,0,18,19,15,0,3,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,9,8,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,4,1,15,3,24,13,4,17,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,3,10,72,20,3,0.0,0.2281452890894327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731920126921123,0.09864728754544574,0.0,0.0,0.3600244451728172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425275702603441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042718024042818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359013013677828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907615008454248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6985120582531456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20120328726106484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014649009358666,0.0,0.08557552844449398,0.0,0.1002578055692194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520222205548181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702469293159237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023273426181172,0.07077476141915867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085174789183244,0.0,0.0667464329952427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157529184257503,0.07411883110266036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377406573452845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238841284617419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315252020545169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092807708589121,0.0,0.07009089044254448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Epyon216,2019/04/17,Looking for help I've been deployed overseas 4 times and would like someone to talk to. If anyone has a free moment they can PM me for my kik. I would like to remain anonymous,2.755833333333332,4.436347361111113,3.5122222222222237,91.255,75.3888888888889,4.800000000000002,25.88888888888889,3.1291,0.3894555555555561,139,5,28,0,3,44,30,36,0.0,0.718,0.282,0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,4,6,2,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,4,5,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,4,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781238361878134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666109064437878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38865200079862106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3340191773269346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33702172155411314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3197053359050028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319377183541119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5651162004063609,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BOOberry94,2019/04/17,Hey guys I need support. I’ve been kinda abusing alcohol and pot and using it excessively the past week and it keeps getting worse . The emotional pain is really bad and I have 0 support system right now. Please help encourage me to make healthier choices I feel like a piece of shit.,2.8694444444444467,5.628871870370372,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,80.2962962962963,8.044444444444443,27.51851851851852,8.841846274778883,2.759429629629629,227,10,40,6,6,75,45,54,0.235,0.512,0.253,-0.1779,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,3,0,3,3,1,2,0,10,11,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,4,4,2,10,1,5,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,1,4,20,6,0,0.0,0.25248212158665245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227733200395227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792499565416656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23970261610323346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774697538307253,0.1522347440669934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11133307428927164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109970447641204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14283274277448632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940817111586405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10410720251341833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224222475579326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15800686197504735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22674755841054636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20342279995309676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339137556155205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651378494678126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198152754069707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187384286208123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4836341970508022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18404521785693853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709315437830328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171614873899622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,spergersnfries,2019/04/17,"I've developed ptsd and do not know how to cope In February my apartment was broken into twice, once while i was gone (cinder block thrown into window) and another time when i was home (door busted down by group, held at gunpoint). I have since moved to another state but am absolutely terrified at night now and every little noise gives me a panic attack. My psychiatrist agrees i likely have developed it. I have been prescribed antidepressants and klonopin but that can only help so much. how am i supposed to cope with this new state of mind?",7.3189438943894425,7.82386289108911,7.097772277227726,74.15708745874588,63.65346534653465,10.297689768976898,30.69471947194719,10.125756701596842,3.001018481848185,436,14,76,9,6,138,76,101,0.168,0.78,0.052000000000000005,-0.9299,0,0,0,1,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,1,0,11,0,0,2,0,16,15,11,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,7,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,2,0,1,6,0,9,1,12,9,1,18,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,7,51,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465394782206515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25246052763676136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869730907740334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128812395851759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487450518703256,0.0,0.2225989961832221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195876662573404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841653627265503,0.22241728637397026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240710475251924,0.0,0.0,0.23586069202428964,0.1631331741749076,0.0,0.0,0.21432704133310476,0.0,0.20825234176504667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23633239952519705,0.0,0.1687764766694995,0.0,0.2603696222797551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594069428948875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18357051095984725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12940051255758073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throw-away7654321,2019/04/17,"For those who experience dissociation how often do you experience it and what triggers it? Are there different intensities of dissociation? I know how dissociation works and kind of what it's like from others first person accounts but I'm trying to understand it more. Any help would be appreciated. If this subject is upsetting or uncomfortable I apologize and please don't feel the need to talk about your experiences if it's uncomfortable for you to talk about, I don't want to upset anyone. Also sorry if this is the wrong flair!",5.294583333333332,8.129711791666669,6.884583333333335,64.70208333333335,71.70833333333334,10.1,28.375,10.25414643259724,3.608675,436,17,71,14,9,149,64,96,0.165,0.6779999999999999,0.156,-0.2597,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,3,0,2,7,5,0,2,2,0,8,0,0,3,0,18,14,11,0,6,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,12,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,6,2,11,12,1,1,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,5,2,54,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050338060663488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364859972727102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403373093811593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20969356895205574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5889827760981587,0.0,0.0,0.1014822664577166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17071921374261187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13452804971641122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20900293545934576,0.11030198862871947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980541201093798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881990340880188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524749825797106,0.0,0.2203133590627808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22467234607439907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32263747869067944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362652356440813,0.0,0.0,0.20894054664922185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838076172412525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611532506900105,0.0,0.0,0.1425747755743916,0.21943895177149245,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mrwasdead,2019/04/17,"Medications that can help with dissociation So I have severe PTSD with anxiety being extremely hard to deal with. I've had MDD for a long time, and I've been dealing with it very well. I've been on all sorts of medication for depression and have been having paradoxical effects. With anxiety meds, Atarax, Vistaril, and Buspar do nothing for me. My doctor is too afraid to put me on a benzo for anxiety because of my past with substance abuse that I've stopped for a few months. However, all the times I went to the ER for panic attacks I was given Ativan and that worked like a charm for me. I've been put on Seroquel and Trileptal and had horrible side effects to those. I recently got started on Zyprexa for anxiety and that helps, but the side effects are awful. Basically, are the any medications that help other people with severe PTSD deal with dissociation a little better? It's frightening for me and gives me panic attacks 24/7.",6.027878787878787,7.304881181818183,6.824318181818183,72.25856060606064,66.72727272727272,9.957575757575757,32.84848484848485,10.125756701596842,3.4990848484848485,752,32,130,18,12,249,96,176,0.213,0.705,0.08199999999999999,-0.9704,1,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,5,3,10,2,3,9,1,16,4,0,3,2,24,21,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,9,16,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,6,2,0,10,1,11,4,27,10,3,18,0,1,0,0,7,7,0,1,9,87,20,2,0.0,0.13485121420742796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739755784687201,0.0,0.34827020137002657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25896016312901354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938007903089455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065940957573603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35201232331967786,0.09802800240929592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164936549028944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091809500798502,0.0,0.0,0.0910276116791174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195516648456043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22886177449724374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05560386841828262,0.1140717269770314,0.0,0.10072198416377294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642191697821187,0.3439674934353619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084540740564698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092077930631736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670728786419088,0.0,0.0,0.10864853082967757,0.07890443470778741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660854149267693,0.22882941040472726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237779038853003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257155296801662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055827550894756,0.0,0.0,0.09515376622284336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327319488498513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09390863336382556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023326330027253,0.10550690228111703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285809204109246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,5657536646755tgdyf75,2019/01/25,"(rant) I am so tired I am so exhausted. I am tired of being on alert all the time for danger. I am tired of having to try and come up with plausible excuses for my behaviour when I get triggered and have to leave a party all of a sudden. I am tired of finding new jobs or doctors every time I have a panic attack in public and feel too embarassed to go back ever again. I am tired of logging onto social media after a long tiring week and seeing people make jokes belittling the trauma I and others have undergone and the condition we suffer from. I hate this new ""that gave me ptsd flashbacks lol"" meme I keep seeing people post when they see a funny 10+ year old video - sorry for my language but I just want to tell them all to Fuck.Off. they have no way of even KNOWING the excruciating experience we go through and I am fucking exhausted of this bullshit. Im sorry for the rant but I am just pissed and exhausted all at once and needed to rant... ",2.5173713235294137,4.425159989583335,4.363664215686274,83.89334558823529,76.70833333333334,6.809313725490195,22.75245098039216,7.724431198458867,1.1385848039215691,746,22,145,11,17,253,113,192,0.281,0.6709999999999999,0.048,-0.9932,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,2,0,3,0,11,12,5,1,10,1,14,12,1,2,5,31,30,16,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,10,0,0,0,4,13,0,1,3,2,0,3,1,11,0,0,1,4,22,1,26,28,4,25,0,1,3,1,10,5,2,1,15,104,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654685493038,0.0,0.0787744748844026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824796120387128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048575883968173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766446605931026,0.09266806568929373,0.08631498115887241,0.0,0.0,0.10021162258500696,0.0,0.0,0.05179966035358364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363357942826474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18941893040845406,0.05352368745202465,0.0,0.11644458591146364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114399020073016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065901328499277,0.0,0.10166162083127007,0.09105850904039946,0.0,0.0,0.056301516971668464,0.0,0.0,0.10847528029360083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066128422839316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06838334815517942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596224167540645,0.0,0.1978855294943117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10749960422985733,0.1091014034575797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12019803998737193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14204599802743675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981147307204918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197536249508397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449080491851233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443056301048152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293593082560039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895421199996227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947390672227345,0.7064780655473017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955395430890803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042517046328665,0.08131668516601996,0.08217581867328999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597171819776809 ptsd,pancakes11111111,2019/01/25,"Dropping my therapist I've been going to therapy with this particular therapist from the beginning of last year. All she has done is steal my money. In all these sessions i've learned ""breathing techniques"" and ""grounding myself"" and having to listen to her insist on me doing an insensitive outpatient program. Which costs thousands. All the therapists i've had have sucked. The only thing they've helped with is draining money from my bank account. This is getting ridiculous. I'm helping myself. I've downloaded some cptsd and trauma workbooks, going to set up a sleeping schedule and some food prep routine. Going to join some womens support group. goodbye useless therapists forever. Also getting my family dr to prescribe ADD medication and possibly getting a full hysterectomy once i find a gynecologist that is willing / won't shove their ""women need to have babies"" obsession down my throat.",7.540686274509803,10.086537660130725,7.352434640522876,65.05845588235293,64.55555555555556,9.544444444444443,38.8937908496732,9.928628108626363,4.745884967320261,734,40,96,17,12,233,107,153,0.11800000000000001,0.8370000000000001,0.045,-0.8885,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,0,1,7,2,1,7,0,14,6,3,0,3,17,26,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,6,8,1,0,2,0,5,3,1,6,0,1,3,1,12,1,16,21,7,15,0,1,0,0,9,6,1,3,4,69,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157348998034992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557327231604035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331464095048152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13894712711364246,0.0,0.18382795182181708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382787024504921,0.0,0.2591961256708861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037968850557413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391980155374956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15314812593005156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272382530239808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190053469130802,0.0,0.11562105691392405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138415045604646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15213372998032745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725149656703821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738526245322811,0.7060460468423687,0.10099795069702877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09789843312946776 ptsd,snow-goddess,2019/01/25,"It feels like I’ve taken 10 steps back. I’ve been going to therapy for what feels like a very long time (7 years, I think). A year and a half ago I tried EMDR, and it was amazing. After a while my nightmares were gone, I had almost no flashbacks, I didn’t have the constant gnawing fear that I wasn’t safe, the intrusive thoughts stopped, I even stopped the desire to contact my abuser. But about a week ago I had a nightmare and suddenly everything is back. Not as strong as before, but it’s back. I know that progress isn’t linear, and I know I’ve made it far. But it’s scary and nearly infuriating to feel like I’ve slipped so far back. I hope things get better soon. ",2.170217391304348,3.910172181159425,3.260217391304348,92.17119565217394,77.18840579710145,6.049275362318841,23.818840579710145,6.816661863887847,0.621640579710145,523,17,115,5,12,168,84,138,0.139,0.684,0.17600000000000002,0.7384,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,8,9,0,1,9,0,10,0,0,1,0,23,23,12,0,2,4,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,3,7,0,0,3,5,1,0,1,11,3,12,8,9,12,0,24,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,21,68,21,0,0.0,0.18052741679537174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701244694145449,0.0,0.15257137505916735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4686366184977728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296512539664795,0.0,0.0,0.13475431640462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16465226004458872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10063553775834527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693569082744114,0.0,0.0,0.17145280141245997,0.23112071870100556,0.3265484096879326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960433863207822,0.0,0.08659244803599232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133266205285587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747145930592494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233132891323138,0.0,0.0,0.1348380859783812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14417129266358428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547676521197301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17424246967542611,0.0,0.10122442735018697,0.09762923523675797,0.0,0.12096066114858575,0.08884516165802232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344572273667163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571694734522654,0.0,0.0,0.12221788162297828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962359189195405 ptsd,SheCriesWolf,2019/01/25,"What happens (TW sexual assault) This is what happens-- I'm sitting crying in the bathroom and they're out having a GOOD TIME. With him, with him, with him. Because I am drifting away, my thread is unravelling, I'm coming apart at the seams and he's JUST FINE. Because he hasn't changed, he hasn't changed. He's had that evil within him always, even when he tucks it away, tucks it deep down, where no one can see. I see it now, can never unsee, because it's left its print on me. I try to scrub it off in the shower, drown it in gin, try to CUT IT OUT! of me but it just won't go and it spreads, to my face, my eyes, it fills my nose, my mouth, my ears until it is all of me, it is everything. But he is just FINE. Because he hasn't changed, even when my whole soul has been beaten bloody, crippled and left for dead. And they all have a good time! with my invisible monster, not sparing a glance for the sad little girl they left behind.",1.2924546485260748,3.05145022959184,2.6240136054421757,95.64400226757373,79.86734693877553,5.375963718820863,21.092970521541947,6.139981653823899,-0.02345941043083899,719,20,167,5,18,232,107,196,0.139,0.8059999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.956,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,2,1,9,9,4,0,7,0,17,5,5,0,3,21,25,10,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,17,12,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,5,0,1,2,6,20,4,25,22,3,31,1,1,4,0,14,19,0,0,7,109,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688154015388776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26395067825868623,0.0,0.0,0.3425146271822123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457930323266037,0.12100168774112942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15429870542447496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18555702549011951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624456548535476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983182405230421,0.2356376254943855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484327143893368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4578602496202473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078693619018084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833842605133166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09518549444150387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387136494727647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16381731835168076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073859034554266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682872862243974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,StarLeagueRecruit,2019/01/25,"I'd like to vent. Please understand. My stepdad was an English teacher at the school I went to. My science teacher had cancer, and she died. There were different memorials, for different people. I got to go to the staff and faculty memorial, because wives and daughters did. My stepdad... You don't forget a memorial like that. Some other students were there. I heard later that they had that reaction people do. Surprised, admiring, saying ""You can sing!"" He can sing. Those are the words for it, but I don't think they're enough. What my stepdad can do is take his voice, extend it out to where you were in the audience, grab you by the heart, and make your heart sing along with him. It was impressive, inspiring, beautiful. I threw out my dresses because I thought that would make him touch me less. Watched my hair fall out from stress. Hated my body because it was something he wanted. I got reminded recently that people think that evil people are evil. Like that's all they are. Like beauty and evil never coexist in the same person. Like the moment I say ""molester"" he becomes incapable of being friendly, and generous, and kind. Like the moment I say ""friendly, and generous, and kind"" he becomes incapable of being a molester. Like I'm not allowed to remember the person who gave me remembrance, strength, and hope, because he's also the person who gave me post-traumatic stress disorder. I hate him, okay? What he did to me. What his job as a high school teacher gave him the opportunity to do to others. The creeping realization that maybe the daughter from his first marriage has a good reason for never speaking to him. I hate him. But it takes something away from me, and something away from that hate, to not acknowledge the other things he was. It takes something away from the betrayal. I wasn't molested by someone twirled his moustache and laughed. I was molested by someone who taught, who inspired, who sincerely gave himself to people. I have to live with that. I have to reconcile that evil and that good in the same person. I don't have the option of thinking that a good person doesn't molest, like my mother screamed at me. I don't have the option of thinking a molester does no good, like my best friend screamed at me. I don't get to separate them. I don't get to have that. Ever.",3.4254085917312693,6.012149539351853,4.006843238587424,84.22945736434113,76.75462962962962,7.074160206718347,28.33354866494401,8.133680483312611,2.187091559000862,1819,79,326,33,43,574,182,432,0.157,0.596,0.24600000000000002,0.9926,4,0,4,0,0,0,74.0,0,5,3,4,5,48,14,2,25,1,39,5,4,4,4,52,70,17,1,3,4,4,3,9,3,1,1,8,0,5,33,19,0,0,12,3,0,4,13,18,0,1,24,12,55,30,47,43,7,26,0,0,1,0,54,14,0,4,17,232,88,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866381041204063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067648088433877,0.0,0.0,0.17887172932610504,0.1620347602585101,0.0,0.0,0.07698396595159691,0.0,0.0,0.08148342878272183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613330110378187,0.1532855411161234,0.08407382706192386,0.0,0.06419547206853085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757977058466819,0.0,0.0,0.06635588227827954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623976862720063,0.0,0.0,0.17002701592656716,0.0,0.07665232844233859,0.0,0.04169064702716025,0.2461145085290345,0.11734107646532432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897006064383845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385751956983508,0.0,0.07750602046913296,0.0,0.07286035607520565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279580612718263,0.0,0.0,0.1527806895406935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225480648088292,0.0,0.0647758444010624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979331416109172,0.0,0.07369727289862105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315535210682195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542835941674968,0.32026384659729257,0.0,0.08052429225135296,0.0,0.0,0.07025602048588167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542352731921306,0.07243148892815457,0.0,0.08309952656432126,0.0,0.0,0.17501002016651346,0.0,0.14848301830953425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431081317241875,0.2258961496219155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680610903640526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16546669209350312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873533393384344,0.1880175963657004,0.0,0.05823750618554545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636754172834781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04326803919001044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800295679419771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05211092484297244,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BigEmotions,2019/01/25,"Does anyone have advise when it comes to cleaning with PTSD? It makes everything look unfamiliar and causes me to panic. (Hear me out I know it's weird and stupid and sounds like a cop-out) Every time I tidy my brain quickly goes into panic mode or having full on panic attacks because even though its the same place with other of the same surroundings its unfamiliar and different from how it should be. The only way I can get around this is by doing so super slowly two or three things at a time before waiting until the things not being there is the new familiar or by just cleaning everything like literally everything; moving furniture to clean under, it wiping down the walls, organizing, just making everything look as much like an IKEA catalog as actually used areas can actually look and dealing with the subsequent downfall of my metal heath. I don't have the time take my time with this (anniversaries are coming and I'm always out of commission for two or three months with them and I want it to be livabley clean before then because it's not going to be after {last year I had dry vomit on my bed for two weeks before I had the energy to clean it and I still slept in it}) and I'm not sure if a big stresser right between the one month of calm (after the winter holidays and before the anniversaries) is smart. I'd ask my therapist but I don't want her to be upset with me for letting it go this far and I'm worried she'll judge me because I can't even pick up my dirty clothes without feeling unsafe because it all looks different or taking the stack of books I was going to read but didn't from my desk to my bookshelf without putting them right back because I can't calm down with them not being there anymore because it's become the new normal. (I know its weird and silly but its stressed me out to the point of making a reddit just to ask for help with this) Does anyone know anything else I can do? Or have slimier problems with stuff like this? Should I Just go with cleaning everything and dealing with the results? ",7.809698492462307,6.793194819095478,7.7956231155778895,74.61589698492466,63.12060301507538,10.573065326633166,33.71909547738693,9.642632912329526,3.0356468341708536,1630,55,301,26,20,527,194,398,0.081,0.8320000000000001,0.087,-0.5188,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,3,1,16,20,2,5,21,0,31,3,2,8,2,75,62,31,0,7,20,0,1,4,0,3,1,2,7,0,25,31,0,2,4,3,0,8,11,10,0,6,5,7,33,10,57,47,5,52,0,0,4,0,12,23,0,7,24,220,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.1469695381182472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0626580462409187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468024356026026,0.10530707888627304,0.0,0.06196787151688839,0.06703554726673397,0.14079609507391874,0.08566792126707863,0.0,0.05790328290097309,0.0,0.2754236980439922,0.08316613819710597,0.25630889061812057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406294197479793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735682273648031,0.0,0.12973356332797614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15526796932683853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573510088297508,0.0,0.0,0.1317961527060548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06290591134845254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994737121719944,0.0,0.06344594210203923,0.0,0.3383869604828669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03807540947787074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03934265789757095,0.0,0.17118549657645935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848718425721808,0.0,0.05047394739992252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241535155803348,0.061381915074139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700231846963124,0.0,0.14715677544362007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25294188616428104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079581399008846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202121147139593,0.08003506680223434,0.05535629689157647,0.0,0.0,0.14545602256482598,0.0,0.0,0.0737808549184643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0510271947505825,0.0572712496896178,0.0,0.2650551891489408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786755044148754,0.0,0.07118558174275369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720547066302598,0.08802506185056731,0.07570021457075557,0.0,0.0,0.07532327929807578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861653246201524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06013699422179234,0.0,0.08625921897544844,0.0,0.08620380588548082,0.0,0.0,0.07097209326766324,0.0,0.11323682037699084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743247233758687,0.10005580310194608,0.0,0.07398471815772296,0.0,0.1756389091866615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206799777849395,0.0,0.0,0.0650375289648064,0.0,0.0,0.08883120439227397,0.05977193796146399,0.060403445192634526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517861925552403,0.0,0.0,0.07647375152294553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04849259951112665 ptsd,FashTheBorder,2019/01/25,"Not There Hello, Fuck I'm drunk and don't think this is worth posting. I was involved in a TDY that some people can call a deployment, it was OCONUS. Just had a moment where I had to draw my weapon against someone who was eventually ID'd as one of ours. I had my finger on the trigger and was about to pull, and it would have been a clean shoot. It's been on my mind for two years now and my therapist thinks it's a PTSD thing. I know so many people that have seen actual shit, I feel horrible about calling my shit PTSD. It wasn't. I got issues but it's not the shit that my brothers and sisters have been through. What the fuck am I supposed to do. ",1.7087712895377116,3.367349992700735,2.815784671532846,95.20912712895378,78.27007299270073,6.026520681265208,21.635644768856448,6.816661863887847,0.2489761557177612,507,14,118,5,12,162,84,137,0.16,0.802,0.039,-0.9458,0,0,0,1,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,7,6,6,0,8,0,20,7,4,1,0,17,29,8,0,1,4,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,13,5,1,0,4,1,1,1,4,6,0,2,13,3,14,0,13,15,1,9,0,0,1,2,8,4,5,1,3,84,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.1601124436494107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350755619382869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296068603752271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303367325343707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312248741313384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125050802657654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017071619852243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663451668007657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566785146904275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118071062476556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22749634582160894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15713742745411033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38358718237095707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5052584549116689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901927017463114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905024262785306,0.10900339853465096,0.21026384076898136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16027634460875373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655338027186884,0.0,0.0,0.10565820245542057 ptsd,ErinF11,2019/05/19,"I miss the mental hospital Does anybody else ever miss being in a mental hospital? I loved the feeling of being cared for in the hospital. Sure, the nurses were shit, but I still appreciated them. The other patients were way less mentally stable than I was, but I still cared about them. My roommate was annoying, but I still loved her. Nowadays, I long to be back in that hospital. Am I crazy? No, really, have I actually gone fucking CRAZY? I know that going back to the hospital isn't very convenient right now. Next week is finals week, the week after that is when I graduate middle school. Gosh, I can't wait to leave this fuckass hellhole of a school. It was one of the reasons why I went to the mental hospital in the first place. During the summer, I'll be doing a ton of Summer camps based on science and/or nature. I'm so excited for it, but I also really want to go back to the hospital during that time. I think it would be good for me. These days, my PTSD is really getting to me. I think it would be good for me to have some time away from such familiar surroundings to clear my head and focus on reducing my flashbacks. I also want to be able to offer help and advice to the other patients in the hospital. I feel like I can reach these goals if I could just go back. Damn, I miss that place. But why? How will I ever be able to go back? And how do I tell my therapist? My parents?",2.466666666666669,4.414093258064519,4.241969892473119,84.52695483870971,76.99283154121865,7.618121863799282,22.98795698924731,8.488131031819089,1.5075111397849463,1085,33,217,22,25,366,139,279,0.08199999999999999,0.743,0.175,0.9796,1,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,2,2,20,16,4,0,17,0,28,5,2,3,4,29,52,15,0,6,7,1,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,14,3,0,1,6,0,0,6,3,7,0,2,7,2,35,9,33,33,3,45,0,3,0,3,9,13,3,2,26,161,49,4,0.1859710393315516,0.0,0.09074045387132801,0.0,0.0,0.09086437364343353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487209729639559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873629566221277,0.35750062484695705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960986891856804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424137115252359,0.0,0.0,0.059967967684313714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137225487787968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767747003947899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822145211832268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940325452905454,0.06642887382861555,0.0,0.10186109169756352,0.0,0.07909343552603414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08596361458230768,0.04858109618957481,0.0,0.2113832547128079,0.15598368445510685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542996950015899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623262337813371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511024098268876,0.0,0.0,0.09845823927691977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04542802802867798,0.0,0.0,0.0822892588205513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784612379086924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3748301335818803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889115506227347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300939460969332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032494154944948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430015418344992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10869509650286513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870671478461775,0.09560460093284867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940912573032477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882126203234696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544829969909603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227750683581428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763775184657006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08127344269057027,0.0,0.0,0.1079633551902678,0.0,0.11916273282221078,0.0,0.0,0.10844120857370973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672279195567655,0.1096905373412325,0.07380757739101462,0.223762125227406,0.0,0.0,0.08619850831223172,0.167809937051953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210849057134846,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,s8n_1,2019/05/19,"I just started a new relationship I feel we might be moving a little too fast and they agree. We have no intention in slowing down, which concerns me a bit. I have former experience with abusive men in my life. Sometimes I look at them and see a brief flash of a former abusive ex. It disheartens me, especially knowing my current boyfriend is the sweetest. I have yet to fully process trauma including my sexual assault, my childhood abuse, and romantic abuse. During moments of intimacy, my brain switches and I dissociate to prevent a panic attack. &#x200B; I have spoken to him about this and he recognizes I am still stuck in the past in some ways. I really appreciate him, but I find myself cornered at times in my own brain. I am scared of own anxieties and insecurities ruining such an amazing experience. We have been talking about the status of our relationship more and each time i am glad to see he is willing to address my anxieties. He's supportive and keeps me grounded, but to do that to him seems unfair. Feels as if I am starting this with too much baggage and I could drown him with my burdens.",5.634054487179487,7.196207245192312,6.553576923076926,72.77475641025643,67.89423076923077,9.392820512820512,35.02051282051282,9.725611199111238,3.673843205128205,889,44,151,20,15,295,127,208,0.22399999999999998,0.695,0.081,-0.9815,1,0,0,0,2,0,24.0,4,0,2,0,8,12,2,3,10,0,17,3,2,1,0,31,29,13,1,2,4,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,5,16,0,2,5,0,0,2,1,9,0,0,2,5,36,3,25,23,7,29,0,2,3,0,18,11,0,4,15,118,41,0,0.0,0.5706502318133312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046089034709654,0.14630763502948305,0.0,0.0,0.18422198894681333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698029898036485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145321467950435,0.0,0.0,0.2688279756194336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613515958259146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355622214121806,0.0,0.0,0.12176275312712298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004977965597704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702323799737994,0.0,0.0,0.06617251604459135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504699637407279,0.0,0.12067940549400775,0.0,0.0,0.10111152073896404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773275630909448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279735426905543,0.088512969458125,0.0,0.0,0.11628979181896762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127162388173736,0.0,0.0,0.11494206720446094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713578147241203,0.0,0.0,0.2585440269807136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12054837165515005,0.0,0.19189751521031856,0.109613973788518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908556177483075,0.0,0.17044933137550847,0.0,0.09615715341802293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663639078954326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677855313701313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14042053278010214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557343999361832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14630763502948305,0.0 ptsd,staceyroseman,2019/05/19,Prazosin Not Working I have tried everything imaginable to stop nightmares. My doctor prescribed me Prazosin 1mg per week up to 10. I am on 10mg and have the nightmares just as bad. The only difference is the morning drowsiness.,2.816428571428574,5.8717854047619085,3.4352380952380983,82.90142857142861,87.8095238095238,5.6571428571428575,33.1904761904762,7.1686216300943375,2.8165904761904765,185,11,29,3,6,58,33,42,0.13699999999999998,0.863,0.0,-0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,5,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,19,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32609881583114597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080489822347241,0.0,0.3997516809964255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510074853754068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297036229013878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32652317443752416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651625941435297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132813004204302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28433017751218564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,editoreal,2019/05/19,"Is 'Get Help' Really the Right Thing To Say? What if you're talking to someone who can't afford to get help? How about someone who can't be helped? Are there really that many PTSD sufferers out there who are completely unaware of their disease? Telling someone with a severe mental health issue to 'get help' is a little like telling an obese person to go on a diet. No shit, asshole. There's no doubt in my mind that people think they're doing the kind thing, but when I read/hear it, all I hear is ""your broken brain makes me uncomfortable, talk to somebody else,"" and my normally elevated feelings of isolation go through the roof. I know I can't expect people not to say it, but it hurts to hear. This disease has no known cure. We need a more nuanced way to approach it than 'get help.'",3.837946236559136,5.390037348387097,4.444919354838714,86.20071236559141,72.29032258064517,7.231182795698925,26.46505376344086,7.793537801064563,1.4456989247311818,619,21,123,8,12,197,101,155,0.188,0.755,0.057,-0.965,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,1,1,0,6,6,1,1,8,0,11,5,2,2,1,20,24,6,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,1,13,4,2,0,4,0,0,3,7,4,0,0,0,5,10,2,18,23,2,10,0,2,0,0,20,5,1,2,2,75,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359341822230478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547371024868148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997051644883563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060509708355052136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25009451380195485,0.0,0.13602459716784635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12720563354086206,0.4046367862110581,0.0,0.4010677598191847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281112440139544,0.0,0.0,0.12490637181635453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461986819405682,0.06576854652420489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058465645456410364,0.11994268269016142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988192248688425,0.1213285233060182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060112802245546,0.0,0.12083450432974766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887351974588157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725305320478333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593085466144125,0.1044928870795436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398900469766167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970428486978373,0.0,0.1533297669694361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219914868463624,0.0,0.19033579624368316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351951836960727,0.12284148557145612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041928374433071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923754801841822,0.20919703062475412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900938553131094,0.07668092135104591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498998391511757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,eleanoradavinci,2019/05/19,"Housemates think I’m weird *possible trigger warning* Backstory: A few years ago there was an incident with my sister’s ex-boyfriend. He broke into her house and basically attacked her and her boyfriend. Me and my other sister were there too and a bunch of my nieces and nephews. It was really horrible, there was a lot of screaming and blood, and after it happened I experienced a lot of flashbacks and nightmares, and a general sense of feeling unsafe. I would freak out if I had to walk home in the dark and would keep the lights on in my house because I was so scared, even though he lived 250 miles from me (the incident happened while I was visiting my family for Christmas). Fast forward 2 1/2 years and the flashbacks are less frequent and I generally feel a lot safer, but I’m still super jumpy. I live with 5 other people and I literally jump every time one of them walks into the room or if I walk in a room and they’re there. Unless they make loads of noise as they’re coming, I freak out, scream “oh my God”, my heart races, I lose my breath. At first, they all found it really funny but now I see them roll their eyes and sigh. Sometimes they actually say “Seriously??” I don’t really want to talk about having PTSD because I don’t like feeling like a victim and I don’t want them to think I’m looking for sympathy, or to make them feel uncomfortable. But it makes me feel uncomfortable knowing they think I’m just weird or something.",3.5522340425531915,5.534142184397164,4.391081560283691,84.50875,73.9645390070922,7.536879432624112,25.934397163120565,8.344100000000001,1.7042099290780146,1144,40,224,20,24,368,154,282,0.138,0.752,0.11,-0.7398,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,9,3,12,16,2,1,14,0,14,4,4,4,1,58,39,29,0,6,10,3,5,2,0,2,0,3,3,0,6,23,0,1,10,0,0,7,3,12,1,2,8,13,38,3,28,29,7,30,0,2,3,0,20,13,0,8,14,145,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.1191404591854192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822381149221803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13889293805915393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488476513598178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516816276730692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063809614421193,0.0,0.10286456325945244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509387723572817,0.0,0.3086572787087753,0.08721982526486237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384814958592124,0.0,0.13386339554716242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2159243613156711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467508955556774,0.0,0.0,0.12246440613239115,0.0,0.0,0.2817467520994398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108517590315604,0.0,0.0,0.06709647475303909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929224261759973,0.0,0.2156122119526018,0.0,0.10252332847570182,0.13658545242587555,0.0,0.3113850322949109,0.0,0.0,0.2444844387761959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273011525200424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846405766048377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376360868779158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14271455735628313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346384567256904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970894266498941,0.12223157375230034,0.0,0.09728847831480084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398945112546894,0.12074833883741215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749978393278616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812986017967806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23468754178306336,0.11995102395876076,0.0,0.07119060371030361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14402155190518834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345589048168078,0.0,0.0,0.15724157935917085 ptsd,kuropixie21,2019/05/19,"TRIGGER WARNING What is this? I have PTSD, and recognize symptoms of it in my partner. I know when they were about 7 that they had a “sexual” experience with an aunt who was about 40, typically I would go straight to this is inappropriate and assault, but this aunt is severely mentally handicapped and has the mental capacity of a child. They often blame themselves saying they were the “adult” in this situation and should have known better. I know they live with a lot of regret and embarrassment from this situation. In simple terms, what do you think this would be classified as? Was there an assault or was it just two “kids” doing what kids often do? I want to offer him comfort knowing it wasn’t entirely his fault but I also want to know for myself what this was. I apologize if this is inappropriate for this page.",5.0779411764705875,7.012105764705888,5.964199346405232,75.01139705882355,69.78431372549021,9.283006535947713,29.08986928104575,9.725611199111238,2.899022222222224,654,25,117,16,12,215,92,153,0.16399999999999998,0.758,0.078,-0.9543,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,5,1,8,7,2,1,7,0,22,1,0,1,0,28,30,12,0,7,5,2,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,5,18,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,5,0,1,8,1,17,2,17,18,3,7,0,1,0,0,19,4,0,5,2,98,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310161966547822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932099799544095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872737646498523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880482430186483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4208612441072041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16905289007558486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627630122277305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38587093270780176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237935241093041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15224785296070562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162827681872624,0.0,0.0,0.4303931798394089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989887161288592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267272755986305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701776096711425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22584304814882394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719996174707248,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kuietgrl,2019/05/19,"Sometimes I just don’t want help/to help myself I have always dealt with depression since I was a teen (in my 30’s now) About 10 years ago, my dad passed away quite traumatically. That was the start of my anxiety and my dissociation kicking in a lot more (I did dissociate a lot as a kid) I do believe I had PTSD from this incident, but I was never diagnosed until after another traumatic event almost a year ago. Two years ago, I was dealing with a lot of stress at work (won’t go into detail about that) and I ended up on medication to control my anxiety attacks. I have been off work for almost a year now. There was a traumatic event *at* work and I have been in weekly therapy since. I still have a lot to deal with coming up...and I just don’t want to. I find my therapist giving me ideas and mental tools to use to help control my panic and anxiety, and I just don’t want to do it. I don’t have nightmares anymore, probably because I’m 1) very medicated or 2) I don’t sleep. My dissociation is taking over more and more as time goes on. I really realized this when my oldest daughter had her 12th birthday and I was looking at her thinking “how are you 12 already?!” I honestly don’t remember vast portions of her childhood. I do see my Dr regularly and I am very good with attending my weekly therapy sessions...but I feel like that’s just as far as I can make myself go in seeking help. Even when I was teetering on the edge of suicidal a few months ago, I was given help line numbers and a bunch of other help/info...that I knew I would never use or utilize. It’s like my brain won’t let me get help. Sometimes I wish depression was all that I had to deal with again. Anxiety is literally killing me. I broke out in shingles a few months ago and my period is almost non-existent. I’m lucky if I get 4 hours of sleep each night. I need help. But I need to fight the urge to refuse help. But I also don’t *want* to fight that urge...is this common?",2.279003511852501,3.91443517661692,4.460977465613112,84.13859525899913,76.58706467661693,7.913491366695932,25.256365232660237,8.671277953709913,1.77331202809482,1519,54,321,32,34,526,186,402,0.158,0.7170000000000001,0.125,-0.9578,0,0,0,0,2,0,55.0,0,1,0,6,16,14,4,2,15,0,40,7,3,6,3,63,66,26,2,9,10,2,1,2,0,3,4,0,0,1,11,20,0,3,7,0,0,5,11,9,0,1,17,3,57,5,48,45,13,58,0,3,2,0,21,19,0,11,36,217,68,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3140714237858944,0.0,0.21287212860498106,0.0,0.07819722882852627,0.056667772096848514,0.05896229492014845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430427265600828,0.21683486373713,0.0,0.07027538855230066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061498150650741,0.06657654286284748,0.0,0.0,0.04319640303291843,0.0,0.0,0.07983644194984951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910466849725202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104075279154227,0.0,0.0,0.15895399194530116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191647285944976,0.12206550236699115,0.07192274830066632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627620968704002,0.0,0.0,0.046803233628890585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03582961259608393,0.05062334125103697,0.0,0.0,0.06476596282676747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404423013701276,0.06797663521060635,0.08054424244560733,0.0594351133223894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42747164264296905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978412639024943,0.0,0.0,0.07999380514365564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839755173250003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246050082194555,0.0,0.06923852333220762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059505662019578666,0.0,0.0,0.24097504135803266,0.0,0.0,0.04730048142591155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277065005975145,0.07141154391854741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312165932346605,0.0,0.0,0.10508554197389136,0.10930523707358653,0.0,0.0,0.06649854865324112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314049123409349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640048817235373,0.0,0.08283309117621412,0.0,0.0,0.07536973643776111,0.0,0.0,0.045395576175372786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027206210485845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05646729768797644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723443252451915,0.0,0.14182499063179188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016731503186644,0.0,0.050156007100710186,0.0,0.056589941781507336,0.0,0.08117140277972199,0.0,0.0,0.0775107829514028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053278893928612514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207219036035972,0.0822754542927308,0.0,0.045405072676893234,0.0,0.0,0.04131980561242786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922121320272982,0.0,0.0,0.12240285785343652,0.0,0.11693602059023415,0.16718337023629634,0.0,0.11368135341938874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148702102287682,0.0,0.0,0.15476365500038836,0.0,0.0,0.0503378487012065,0.0,0.0,0.1825294675053228 ptsd,throwawaymyyear,2019/05/19,"what is the process like to get a diagnosis/professional help? is it more traumatic than trying to repress? what happens if I’m making too big of a deal of things and I don’t qualify for a formal diagnosis? sorry if this has been answered somewhere else",3.0789795918367338,5.659465469387758,5.089142857142857,76.03085714285714,77.9795918367347,8.001632653061224,30.20816326530613,8.841846274778883,2.9825395918367352,204,10,36,5,5,70,40,49,0.163,0.7340000000000001,0.10300000000000001,-0.4648,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,9,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,8,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,26,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4172646795915579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33810469805236104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145767041435265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3579063954821884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712857723438953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977333928608134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701641868189497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4530684199881988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2688883792556497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747889363835613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sasa2110,2019/05/19,"Is it possible that you have a stable life but suffer from PTSD and don't know it? I'm sorry if this upset anyone but I'm wondering whether I have symstoms of PTSD. I'm sorry for grammatical too, English is not my first language. I have a normal life, loving family and ""acceptable"" future. Okay, I quit school since I was 12. I have a chronic disease but I'm okay with it, totally acctepted it. But... now I look back, I always feel trap for 9 years since the birth of my nephew. I never really really happy since then, it was the time I need care and attention because the joy from quitting school disappeared and I was scared for my future. But my nephew took many attention from my mom, she wasn't be there for my as much as she was before. I know it's normal and I have to accept it. So I did. I tried and tried to stand on my own for 9 years and now, I think I'm falling apart. I selfharm, I have suicidal thoughts. Everytime I heard my family talk about kids or they comes over, I feel down. I try to hide. I wanna cry and think there's no point to continune to live. My sister is pregnant. Since then, my selfharm get worse. I don't think this is PTSD because come on, there's no tragic or significant events in my life, no reason to suffer PTSD. People heard story of my life will think it's stable, normal and lucky one. But I wanna ask for opinion from who has PTSD. Do you think I possibly have it? Thank you.",1.4680000000000002,3.583901800000003,3.2837931034482786,89.33051724137931,81.0,6.482758620689657,20.0,7.6298220110432995,0.6677586206896557,1102,29,233,18,29,368,139,290,0.192,0.693,0.115,-0.976,0,0,0,0,0,1,42.0,0,3,1,3,9,15,0,2,6,2,23,6,0,1,2,49,51,24,1,7,11,4,2,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,13,12,0,0,16,0,0,5,8,5,0,2,10,5,42,10,30,39,3,27,0,3,1,1,17,7,0,6,14,153,55,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200554651374108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050853977968334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090022256533037,0.0,0.0,0.06654145445571741,0.0,0.10550405516018144,0.0,0.07363643958162562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823003080344713,0.0,0.0,0.14908757436655426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505660685018366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16315837920913878,0.0,0.0875112083018681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360815439210583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0452119041874583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09212002838937712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511671979675396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444939925880126,0.0,0.0,0.0764135762144681,0.0,0.0726691137138483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07810283692916667,0.0,0.0,0.08773472856363983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135084948041888,0.0,0.0,0.06361450204382288,0.06416593766211291,0.06674251182858992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543630594654097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058639572497224436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059993718283935515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818052432975193,0.19511446998779072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5057844176217509,0.0,0.0,0.1840850689460901,0.0,0.0,0.1108753747200874,0.08897423887655534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663842917013474,0.17515971487611778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28633652728709125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937417162946217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09465720923315908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955499859537938,0.0,0.07967145508699831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2772464230762677,0.0,0.06870054969714524,0.05046030160450416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614556435558057,0.17625841199143216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384546374978954,0.0,0.0,0.08818838807568094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145371868905728 ptsd,TWD-is-awesome,2019/05/19,"Please help me Hi, I'm 15 years old. Female and bisexual. I have anger issues, panic attacks, and i am very sad with my life and often sit in my room and shut myself out from the world. I experienced a traumatic event when i was 11 and 14 where i was sexual abused by my Mom's landlord. And i have nightmares alot from it. I have l told only one person about it. My friend. I started drinking last year 2018, though i have recently stopped through the help of my friends. I cut myself alot. And i just want some help. Someone to tell me what to do. Because i think i need some medication. Or a therapy session. Can someone lead me on the right path?",0.507903008531656,2.9364577786259574,2.2778895374943886,92.4562775033678,89.53435114503814,5.219757521329144,21.446340368208357,6.794906146795322,0.5586143691064214,503,18,107,7,17,165,90,131,0.17300000000000001,0.6990000000000001,0.128,-0.807,0,0,1,0,1,1,18.0,0,0,0,1,6,7,3,1,7,0,9,3,0,1,0,21,15,10,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,1,3,9,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,5,0,1,3,1,23,2,12,12,4,19,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,6,9,70,26,2,0.0,0.20332904446172487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19523043538073828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461148056354462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811185253195418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651699507632773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450784347463154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17911559921803488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988454286252014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212127747824111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728783884203107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098682281780345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724617514256684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800751684769952,0.0,0.11628695198937053,0.1305166606861493,0.0,0.20134662314709184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984268465337253,0.0,0.18837555751223364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16944355208602346,0.0,0.0,0.14655346632864769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29080812859625044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146599701744795,0.0,0.0,0.1434731194430682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149994155422583,0.0,0.19625027318655874,0.0,0.0,0.1099603565186996,0.16860533702484254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163980109437873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415957045755791,0.10121965405715744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22102161871737164 ptsd,graffiti-sky,2018/11/06,"TW: suicide, eatind disorders, childhoos trauma. Drunk right now, mighy need inpatient for eating disorders. Its my mother's fault. I am incredibly wasted, just warning you. Today I had to do an intake appt for eating disorders. The psychologist recommends a daily inpatient program for two weeks. This is just as hard as when I attempted suicide last year. I didn't expect to be affected so profoundly. Just wanted a little therapy for bad eating habits. I hate my mother. She plays the victim, even though she participated in more than 80% of my stepfather's abuse. all of her friends believe that she was an innocent victim. I hate her.the greatest pleasure in life right now would be to watch her life be ruined. I hope her current gold digger husband has to take care of her because she loses everything she has. But instead I'll get drunk and high and hope it all goes away for tonight. Even if it doesn't go away tomorrow.",4.4402647058823534,7.078331070588237,5.07375,77.610625,73.58823529411767,8.25,29.448529411764717,9.017664075816787,2.9119705882352944,742,32,123,17,16,238,114,170,0.254,0.62,0.126,-0.9766,1,0,0,0,1,2,24.0,0,1,0,2,11,15,4,0,6,0,13,7,0,1,2,16,23,9,2,7,5,3,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,5,2,5,0,0,3,0,1,2,9,0,1,3,2,20,6,19,16,4,19,0,2,1,0,14,8,0,3,10,83,25,1,0.0,0.14946817185456376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370458205205356,0.0,0.1053307206884045,0.0769004093646622,0.0,0.0,0.14212884955913713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861923604245604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43373953451047853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872515506952501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666429412147488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337628230076198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746386178196156,0.0,0.06590863137711167,0.0,0.07169445580125812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300641551609797,0.2490957661362682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328533748194402,0.0,0.25059258854364536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282980942404456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820820335932308,0.0,0.1264363290442708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411305735609731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935392836984749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154643351527263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27597718886898925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948497667846189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442645325797289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394260523252365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957628972414848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323108542051313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07440706116396786,0.0,0.10119063164145592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961397014258937,0.0,0.0,0.08123703472240704 ptsd,snickertywicket,2018/11/06,"New circumstances triggering me massively A few weeks ago I helped a friend out of a horrific home situation. I knew it would increase my symptoms for a while and decided I was willing to accept that as a trade off for my friend being safe (she is now). Unfortunately, her family have decided that I am totally to blame for her leaving. They called and texted me horrible things non stop before I changed my number and have now started coming round to my house as well as spreading my address around to their 'friends' who are also coming round. I am in contact with the police and will be pressing charges for harassment. My address has also been marked as urgent if I call. It has completely destroyed all the progress that I made before. My hypervigilance was nearly gone and now I'm back to jumping out of my skin every time I hear a car door. My friends try to help but they can't understand just how bad it is, even when I freeze up in front of them. I don't know how I can help them understand so they can help me. I'm just so upset that I was getting better and now these disgusting people have sent me right back to the beginning!",6.309137214137214,6.4362703918918935,6.5907207207207215,78.22624740124742,65.8018018018018,10.074012474012477,32.842688842688844,9.851270322608157,3.0162975744975737,905,35,175,18,13,292,132,222,0.128,0.736,0.136,-0.5539999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,6,2,18,13,3,1,9,0,23,2,1,4,2,32,38,20,0,2,4,0,5,0,4,3,1,1,4,0,10,12,0,2,7,0,1,8,2,5,1,0,8,6,35,8,27,25,4,32,0,0,2,0,23,9,0,1,15,133,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596849726840128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092414615249982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164620149283162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20119274840195375,0.10923343708990522,0.0,0.0,0.2226449328939897,0.0,0.0,0.11570410935184243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671739694162786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839553699363313,0.2253883619221856,0.13716755692016291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640869974443237,0.0,0.11022573183191643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233301969666907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4043003805506528,0.0,0.06835067957534674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14744931905016426,0.0,0.3507570448968585,0.0,0.13122817383919064,0.0,0.0,0.1509545219333467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189801617434881,0.0,0.0,0.1385248191623496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378980842183936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635163105295255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069760472721694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117238624458333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14705281723465566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925986309473638,0.0,0.0,0.10937558464421393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13597730017736004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691433806124907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628512818094407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08882160909462243,0.0,0.0,0.27238694404738284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493994936380968,0.0,0.11762741515288395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09293434912408037,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,uncouthdrodge,2018/11/06,"Public mental health services never fail to let me down I don't know what I expected really. I have absolutely no faith in the system. Also, and I recognize that this is possibly irrational, I feel irreparable. I guess I hoped for better. After my appointment today with a mental health nurse who is apparently the first base before referring anyone on to psychiatrists etc I feel more depressed and despondent than ever. Pretty much nothing is going to change with regards to my care. I am not going to be referred to a psychiatrist to reevalute my medication and diagnoses. I was in the public mental health system as an adolescent but things have changed since then. One thing that remains consistent is that I feel almost like I'm being gaslit, never listened to or taken seriously. I feel as though unless I am on the brink of death they don't find me worth caring about. I just want to fix my life but I have no community, no support systems outside of my therapist who I find doesn't help me at all and my partner. I hate feeling like if I wasn't with such a lovely person that I'd be dead. I don't want to be so reliant on another person. Everything feels incredibly fragile and like it could all fall apart at any moment. I'm terrified and dysfunctional, I don't know what to do or how to find help, I don't know what could even begin to help me. I feel as though no professional who I have ever entrusted with my care has ever made a significant positive impact on my health. I'm trying to do this all on my own steam but it's too much for me to handle.",5.0497338935574225,6.130049977124183,6.443183940242765,74.82147058823533,68.83660130718954,9.619421101774043,28.95051353874884,9.842372674337009,2.823663118580765,1247,44,228,29,21,424,160,306,0.16899999999999998,0.687,0.14300000000000002,-0.9413,1,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,1,3,13,15,1,0,9,0,28,8,0,2,8,52,57,22,2,7,9,0,8,3,1,0,7,1,0,3,16,10,0,0,15,0,1,3,14,4,0,2,4,9,38,11,40,46,8,29,1,2,0,1,14,12,0,6,14,173,54,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038718903951552,0.0,0.0,0.07218475235624873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138318006754155,0.09465054513733796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311526826247099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680872245487629,0.0,0.0,0.07983190730260924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27609303165676824,0.0,0.1909764440046592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14413824451060034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774496626180558,0.09161690291955447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066914646182434,0.059619069251550985,0.24494912089727924,0.0,0.0,0.08112420936284195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194842732645103,0.0644852129603168,0.0,0.0,0.24750125943406664,0.07677921872976744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025991666783943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943688736639426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891178325543857,0.0,0.3837891754822916,0.0,0.0,0.18150783959275996,0.0,0.0,0.08965334373843094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882157067606475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230190483759614,0.06375671924550519,0.13229651022028738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814675337199185,0.0854107651517277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909323204085956,0.2728971559528313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271007287561426,0.0,0.1392356038969229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08661153934130908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061165785233535275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576315366690892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176003387297164,0.0,0.09183178343269538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782596179514789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466800057839575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243145998914786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480442539665193,0.11993588504750527,0.0,0.17736947537556966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855605049447672,0.0,0.0,0.0612838947850004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064810714453802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Master_Cox,2018/11/06,"I hate it I use to be friendly and loving to African Americans. But, since being attacked by them frequently as a pacifist I've turned racist. I've had 5 guns pointed to my head and 17/18 fights have been ni****s. I listen to lots of rap and it's funny that rappers be rapping about how much they hate their own race. Why are they so aggressive when I've done nothing? Is it wrong that my perception is like this even though it's factual with their violent behavior and criminal statistics? It fucking pisses me off these 20 men have represented their race even though it's a small ℅. But 95% of all violent acts toward me in my life have been fucking black people. I had four laying on me with 2 kicking in my head because I was having consensual sex with a girl they wanted. Having multiple concussions induced by any race would make anyone very angry. I then had multiple gun incidents of them flaunting them towards my head. I just fucking hate it. How do I overcome this racism? I literally have stopped all communication and interaction with them. I'm a pacifist I'm been a wrestler and trained with multiple D1 athletes I swear to God they would have this crazy eye and just attack me like a bitch filled with jealousy and hate. ",5.289184945164507,6.758300156779665,5.5741176470588245,79.82492023928216,68.61864406779661,8.942771684945166,32.526420737786644,9.325443323948027,2.9684599202392823,991,44,183,20,17,315,136,236,0.249,0.6779999999999999,0.073,-0.9933,0,0,0,2,1,0,22.0,0,0,11,0,11,20,15,0,6,0,24,11,5,5,3,32,39,18,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,2,1,1,0,2,13,14,0,1,2,2,0,2,0,16,0,1,8,3,30,4,24,26,5,14,0,0,2,5,18,8,5,1,6,124,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695645630044714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941016188013813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909427472277124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794878776805454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13085611497758035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891477386285436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09879258042790387,0.35464318635769404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5049833458337718,0.3936966659905824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031885224635436,0.12494232347269378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871109072381016,0.11540829308658238,0.0,0.08535468069379397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399967254824318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12269537888978647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864943829563603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12087913660628688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577595885701524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10690562524918272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512646138169798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390865952901395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043922316575644,0.0,0.10550671365487063,0.07542144790948294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153834116673612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18167134342739685,0.1398065296193502,0.0,0.0 ptsd,infectedapparition,2018/11/06,"i feel like i re-repressed things i thought i had remembered... several months back, some repressed childhood memories came back to me which were really hard to deal with. but remembering them made it easier to cope with them and to try and recover. but now that i think on them, they're fuzzy again. i thought i was recovering, but it seems my brain decided ""wait, nevermind, you're not ready to face these memories, false alarm."" is this normal? will these memories come back? &#x200B; sorry if this goes against the medical advice rule. not sure if this counts as medical advice or not...",5.858247663551402,7.704542056074767,5.6169042056074785,78.61451518691591,67.69158878504672,10.583644859813083,31.132009345794398,10.686352973137794,3.598496261682244,468,19,85,14,8,145,75,107,0.094,0.8540000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.3537,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,3,0,5,4,0,2,1,0,5,4,2,1,1,29,14,9,0,3,9,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,8,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,7,2,12,2,10,6,1,10,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,5,8,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31053222554630644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721579623430153,0.193069541798217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3665313264698109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17737452343114976,0.0,0.18172858462513547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687023334981235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380929227843954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08033989118068145,0.11351151833986985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233482091022615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762594997508585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034618309950953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32013124503749835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682500788773096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567910986780406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178942460607013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599842849017068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464808818600802,0.0,0.1795012179295664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1778650838710462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14975256545312146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105559893425151,0.10181071838636717,0.0,0.25228286953518503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787632741644357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193069541798217,0.0 ptsd,ArashiKaji,2018/11/06,"Unexpected Panic I (25M) think I had my first panic attack or something like that recently. Some backstory first, about 3 years ago, I was dating a pretty awful person, she (25F) was verbally abusive, and manipulative. She made my life a living nightmare until I finally was able to leave her. During this relationship, she raped me. She took advantage of me while I was drunk, and had sex with me against my will, I was too drunk and too tired to resist, and it was something that took me a long time to come to terms with. Fast forward to last night, I was watching an anime with my fiancé (31F), where at one point near the end, one of the characters gets drunk, and another character got on top of them, and started to take advantage of them. It upset me, and I couldn't focus on what was happening. I felt short of breath, and it brought back all the awful memories of that night. Is there anything I can do to avoid having this happen to me again? TL;DR: My ex raped me 3 years ago, and an anime scene caused me to have a flashback of that night.",6.659254988913523,6.044943253658537,6.989401330376942,78.14543237250555,65.2439024390244,10.186252771618628,30.831485587583146,9.573946990214177,2.560073170731707,817,25,162,14,11,266,119,205,0.20199999999999999,0.747,0.051,-0.9869,0,1,2,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,2,5,7,10,3,4,9,2,17,9,1,3,1,23,30,12,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,10,13,3,1,2,3,0,5,1,7,0,4,16,2,30,3,26,12,3,36,0,0,1,3,10,9,0,2,25,115,40,0,0.13128205730509268,0.15554777050565965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327472453897868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766068377783353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803394720586723,0.0,0.0,0.14935229267769254,0.0,0.10094779850983386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348628361593625,0.0,0.11308786786055633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627693619326875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12605136278869286,0.143813076761464,0.0,0.22333690175648352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858945647481712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499825407105406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23218457941848214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701239868642726,0.0,0.1390087430534474,0.0,0.0,0.0927283995462728,0.06413778188641261,0.0,0.1159244617991841,0.11618048950958765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422225688942795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.369597952471115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792023927255732,0.0,0.0,0.30806241589620953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463042865379824,0.0,0.0,0.1241039782642798,0.0,0.0,0.13356104903082985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962519360337613,0.14094779860725756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20213468314894725,0.0,0.0,0.09292211586558526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870776883980976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412024138396478,0.0,0.0,0.07655162335693813,0.15088941250140725,0.0,0.0,0.29171839231859403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690826813063138 ptsd,throwaway173688,2018/11/06,"Do I have ptsd? Last year, late at night I stopped for gas, a guy approaches me, so I stupidly open my wallet to spare 5$. He comes up to my window, I roll it down, he lifts his shirt revealing his gun, then he started grabbing and trying to force me to get off my vehicle, so I hit the gas so hard, he started shooting me. I heard around 7 shots and few of them entered my car through the rear windshield, one of the bullets was LITERALLY about 3 inches away from my head. I went straight home, called the cops blah blah blah and tried sleeping that night. After that incident I became so paranoid to the point were I no longer drive alone, I stopped having nightmares, but sometimes I get random thoughts about what if I died that night. Loud noises like fireworks, balloons popping and even a rainy night is like a living hell to me, all of them give me shivers through my spine. The question is do I have ptsd? Thank you for the long read. ",5.742712530712532,5.864007389189191,5.1928746928746925,87.78724815724817,67.0,7.808353808353808,31.95331695331695,6.980632752743323,1.7186216216216217,737,28,153,5,11,223,119,185,0.158,0.7829999999999999,0.059000000000000004,-0.9167,0,1,0,2,0,0,24.0,0,1,2,0,8,5,2,0,10,0,9,4,4,0,1,16,20,11,1,1,2,0,2,5,0,0,0,2,2,1,5,7,0,2,3,1,0,6,1,2,0,1,5,4,29,3,23,14,2,30,1,0,0,0,14,10,1,3,16,92,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451769417203082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247836778168964,0.0,0.0,0.13169713654168294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313229313962486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120746617491923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547743119712905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925829366435304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14646920172119166,0.13446670289591106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387932961944144,0.0,0.0,0.12556746456553042,0.0,0.1438579257086159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060493608090446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425969394892108,0.15812123609336518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369628831585782,0.0,0.12377531658906868,0.12404868349040195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5261714150493563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498484444858828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13250878167745128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32770944388856704,0.0,0.15702582677824506,0.0,0.14021092091102313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14027421936533965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863466945453293,0.0,0.1984303249009328,0.0,0.0,0.2343817891812873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905245461653758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112816950844026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033651545980385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994176431077956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09026680859071666 ptsd,bluemonkey94,2018/11/06,"How to forgive your abusers? Need to let go of repressed anger Four years ago I was attacked and sexually assaulted by a group of people and have suffered from PTSD since. I’ve been through hell and many times I thought I wouldn’t make it, but I’m glad to say I’m doing much much better today. However, I have a lot of repressed anger still, and this often comes out when I drink. 99% of the time my poor husband has to deal with my anger, which is unacceptable. To let go of my anger I see no other way than to forgive my abusers. But here’s where I’m stuck. I’m unable to view my abusers as people. I can only describe what they did to me as pure evil, and so in my eyes they are demons or ghosts or some other creature, because in my mind human beings aren’t capable of such cruelty. It also doesn’t help that I don’t know who these people are and barely remember what they looked like since much of my trauma is still blocked. So if I can’t even begin to view them as people, how can I ever forgive them? Can anyone relate to this? Has anyone managed to forgive their abusers? Or have you been able to let go of your anger in any other way? 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Last year I was finally diagnosed when I decided to talk to a psychologist about it. I go to therapy every week and group counseling. I see my psychologist about 2x a month. I’m currently on Trazedone for insomnia and Ativan (lorazepam) for anxiety. The Ativan I try not to take too often because it’s highly addictive. I’m having issues lately with intrusive thoughts and anxiety. The thoughts come back and I sort of get into this deep hole where it’s hard to get out of. I feel violent rage for no reason at all. It’s having an affect on my life every day and it really has a negative affect when I’m out with my friends and the thoughts come in. I don’t really know how to describe how I feel when it happens, but it just feels *bad*, and there’s nothing I can do but just go about my day as best I can until my mind gets off it, but it never really goes away. I plan on bringing this up to my therapist and psych next time I see them. It just hasnt been this bad, ever. Are meds (besides Ativan) the next step for me?",2.1094805194805204,4.213508497835502,4.034004329004329,84.84243506493509,78.74025974025976,7.6632034632034625,24.35281385281385,8.575989854853784,1.8045826839826848,897,32,180,20,22,304,127,231,0.10099999999999999,0.8640000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.8529,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,3,17,8,2,1,9,0,13,4,0,5,3,43,35,18,0,0,7,0,4,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,13,17,0,0,9,0,0,6,6,6,0,0,6,6,22,2,35,29,3,42,0,0,2,0,4,14,0,2,22,124,35,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233857872103622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18573384004172472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405469350731275,0.09334533942562308,0.2027196773794981,0.07400132684401074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739666905654262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20914226097432528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565795948063979,0.0,0.0,0.12321347220649675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980881888932516,0.20456121670413108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841430317980313,0.0,0.0,0.13298239944117565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378955392818417,0.0,0.19027178968257846,0.0,0.13798326694188956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10734928693418926,0.0,0.1087461661019415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282605892999064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670494604598598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671557277417613,0.09895320973405436,0.13693896156897975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857449499426025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348425906863719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257444619482168,0.0,0.09689641147149786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362738569089216,0.0,0.2582101343020468,0.0,0.0,0.11648187348968488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23330643067196516,0.1248143821923164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19347235690071665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690851730689393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127400817364438,0.09757278384943027,0.0,0.0,0.13882587772460878,0.14094906883140285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38549660103835615,0.07078645964864448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241930502090627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09737582761285432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08837707936414484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634892994714295 ptsd,HuntingIvy,2019/04/23,"NSFW I'm struggling hard right now. (Trigger Warning) I work in a school district. A member of the community violently killed two young girls this past weekend, one of whom was enrolled in our 4k. We started our day with a meeting about the particulars of the incident and how we, as a staff, will approach students in the coming weeks. Later in the day, we had a meeting about trauma (this was already scheduled as an ongoing effort to train staff on trauma-informed practices). This entire day is triggering the hell out of me. I'm jumpy, on edge, and I can't decide if I want to scream or sob. People at work know my background to varying degrees, so they have been awesome. I saw the counselor they had on site and made an appointment with a therapist for tomorrow. I don't want to spiral back into panic attacks and flashbacks, but I feel like I'm losing it right now. I absolutely do not feel safe, and I feel like my fight or flight instinct is completely in control. Two years of intensive therapy, plenty of meds, a boatload of coping techniques, and today, I still feel like I'm right back in the midst of the crazy. Tell me I'm going to get through this...",4.893616071428571,6.208957558035718,5.568214285714286,80.07678571428572,69.40178571428571,7.921428571428572,31.857142857142854,8.278499904357787,2.4669607142857144,919,40,167,13,16,298,134,224,0.157,0.7879999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9375,0,0,0,0,1,0,33.0,5,0,2,5,9,15,5,2,18,0,12,0,0,5,0,33,30,14,1,3,5,0,5,3,0,1,0,1,0,1,6,14,0,2,6,1,0,3,3,11,0,3,7,7,20,4,33,22,0,37,1,2,1,0,13,16,2,3,21,110,26,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493307075298804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394781127439927,0.0,0.20810785499082152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656754259803505,0.14188208209152986,0.0,0.1517746372697008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618136358842155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736905887663828,0.2900212506169857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069993042280164,0.0,0.07690636159393584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122153877849898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971325767178428,0.0,0.07436919095238037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19833383802248405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139021282660034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280445329417427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031174819127222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169739187244057,0.0,0.0,0.15877069515588596,0.0,0.0,0.12917974191323772,0.09381493181293617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34669162108826057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695264418938738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957812973608916,0.0,0.10806797340399428,0.0,0.0,0.14146747700160794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827700883945748,0.0,0.15475199837645007,0.1571187622110953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12826901707823854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26437900417947985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963232545849926,0.0,0.10854679375082177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19703141613706776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714264858219233 ptsd,babyfresno77,2019/04/23,"intrusive thoughts does anyone else get intrusive thoughts? for example when im laying down trying to go to sleep ,all of a sudden ill think "" im going to die someday!"" or "" everybody you love will be gone one day"" .. it feels me with dread and anxiety . i can't stop obsessing over it at the time of thinking it . I do work with a emdr therapist . just wondering if im just crazy . thank you!",1.7331493506493525,4.033703272727276,3.6416720779220815,86.09679383116888,81.20779220779221,8.005844155844157,25.209415584415584,8.841846274778883,2.175468831168831,300,12,61,8,8,101,60,77,0.16699999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.124,-0.5803,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,1,3,4,0,2,3,0,4,3,1,0,1,15,16,4,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,0,0,3,1,2,0,1,3,1,5,2,11,11,1,11,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,3,5,34,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14146634988470325,0.0,0.0,0.12930315688125188,0.1894764860086432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11926067828410175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192191089862476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618282340553826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15448026875061968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350312812972313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661515484156416,0.0,0.2101931356725369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5992489425954073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669011252476753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12530928476651193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18505754472615504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460474002512836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17025316911598534,0.0,0.21471101101174644,0.0,0.23698365796514145,0.0,0.2936179913665965,0.1078306685039728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255512537588445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20054218406221103,0.13462687066942314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lbunit,2019/04/23,"Please help! I need advice before I lose my mind. I have an upcoming appointment with social security to determine my disability eligibility. I have been diagnosed with PTSD by three different doctors. I am absolutely terrified of this appointment. I'm sure I'm terrified for no good reason but I can't help but having negative thoughts. What if I'm making it up in my head? What if they say I'm not sick? What if they deny me? What if I'm subconsciously doing this for attention? Anyone who has been through this please let me know. I'm absolutely sick over this. I cant stop shaking and crying. Thank you all in advance.",2.2474229691876744,5.076142201680675,4.559462184873951,76.50367507002802,84.96638655462183,8.551484593837534,25.58039215686275,9.029198982220553,2.8688482913165263,498,21,90,16,15,172,76,119,0.153,0.618,0.22899999999999998,0.8157,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,2,2,0,6,0,1,1,0,11,5,1,2,2,20,22,7,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,10,3,0,2,4,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,3,1,15,4,12,18,1,7,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,4,1,61,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914216991895905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353399195120759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470319466342948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21261384867387764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964568100307197,0.0,0.20222641341291991,0.0,0.19811432505225712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623468658110604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19864585846803506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594750533699485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063741518834974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19792567971955372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21654135653033252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12920114864083687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954379197297472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352044967912278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4249360688825473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22625838475240825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900936912452846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15392470997546298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973075179581064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618227549571929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824256734121824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820176058032694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15366305153456916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,squirtingispeeing,2019/04/23,"Are there any films about a protagonist struggling with PTSD hey, I’m wondering if there are any films out there about characters with PTSD, where it isn’t explicitly stated but it’s likely the cause of the main characters behavior and actions through the film. Manchester by the Sea is the only one that comes to mind",6.700932203389829,8.10448650847458,6.162500000000001,77.15188559322034,65.27118644067797,10.645762711864409,31.69915254237288,10.686352973137794,3.4803525423728807,260,10,47,7,4,80,44,59,0.034,0.966,0.0,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,6,0,4,0,0,1,1,11,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,7,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,31,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3677525588282497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777677425718144,0.0,0.2329193324302313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321001945050334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730195040227477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322506269324232,0.2056458005616852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6321490944184275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2826731143971037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29322930312708995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sail888,2019/04/23,"Psychogenic Tremors -- Uncontrollable Shaking Does anyone also experience psychogenic tremors at seemingly random intervals? I've noticed that my husband has bouts of shaking. His head will jerk as though his neck is having spasms. Nothing else happens, just a head jerk. &#x200B; I've been reading that these moments of shaking, if they are psychogenic tremors, can be a form of healing for the person afflicted by PTSD. It could be a way for the body to repair some of the damage due to his condition. &#x200B; I pointed out this new trait to my husband who was a bit embarrassed. These tremors happen at any time, and he can't control them. They don't seem to affect his daily life or routine. I've noticed, too, when he is having these tremors, his triggers/flashbacks seem to be lessened. &#x200B; Does anyone else shake? Is it your head, hands, etc.? Do you feel that shaking has helped you to heal and repair?",5.1080000000000005,7.772777739393945,4.361818181818183,83.38272727272731,71.60606060606061,6.096969696969698,33.42424242424242,7.0316486544052195,2.3153515151515154,737,37,120,7,15,219,102,165,0.14800000000000002,0.852,0.0,-0.9636,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,0,3,3,1,5,10,2,7,7,0,19,9,6,2,0,15,25,8,0,2,3,2,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,10,3,0,1,4,1,0,5,2,10,0,0,2,2,14,0,17,18,4,15,0,1,0,0,18,4,0,7,5,79,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853000730262299,0.0,0.34671490024061685,0.3888294564656613,0.07253595214267236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916549038746738,0.10929103988671204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645070562948998,0.11848092336271412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963402317610256,0.08516343397528095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18668676367722173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17821007312710893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895982550861382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043389732612434,0.0,0.0,0.05393309914715097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864726009120109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32840761615622216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149539418742809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534074205469858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301785580399876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234807753120044,0.24287793517601755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313588500484883,0.0,0.0,0.1008330334624744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468583932051865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669400398261572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29131180912494364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479795738227306,0.0,0.06219730025994325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846658223903432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888294564656613,0.0 ptsd,cookiesandcrumbles,2019/04/23,"How do you handle and cope with the paranoia and fear? When the possibility of something very very bad happening is absolutely real and something might happen just on the chance of one person's whim, how do you cope with the paranoia and fear? The endless anxiety? I am doing my best to block him on everything, but he still has private information about me that could allow him to find me again. He is such a sick delusional scary angry person, he's 110% capable of hurting me or worse, I know that completely for sure. He has in the past with others. He can do anything and says he knows I deserve every bit of it, as I am somehow the one at fault, so ""his conscience is clear."" But I know, I know, I did not do anything wrong. I am just extremely unfortunate to have met him and very stupid, naive, and gullible to have kept contact and beloved everything he said. I cannot focus, my mind is filled up with nerves and unease. Fear is eating up everything. I try to busy myself, work and podcasts and music so my mind doesn't wander. I haven't felt this way since I was a child, during the abusive periods. Maybe even worse than that, I don't know. How do you cope/ignore/handle this feeling? I don't know where else to post, I feel as if this experience is the highest level of effective trauma I've experienced in my adult life. So I hope I am reaching out in the right place. I cannot afford therapy, so what are your methods besides that? I appreciate anybody taking the time reading this, or replying back. I am trying everything. I can't function. I want to feel normal again. Please help me.",3.7707692307692326,5.498589769230769,4.78361025641026,82.99472307692308,72.78205128205127,7.6843076923076925,27.22358974358974,8.364918446050245,1.8794765128205133,1256,46,243,21,25,410,171,312,0.21899999999999997,0.6629999999999999,0.11800000000000001,-0.9893,1,0,3,0,0,0,45.0,0,4,0,3,19,13,1,4,13,0,34,3,0,5,2,54,52,26,0,5,8,0,4,0,0,1,2,2,0,4,11,16,1,2,13,1,0,1,8,10,0,2,6,7,39,3,30,44,2,24,0,1,0,0,25,13,0,6,8,165,50,2,0.0,0.11676568764435845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539051425680518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219657913989088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577890104671099,0.08228517067315609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342219159006387,0.0,0.1075911242958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332784660713132,0.0,0.0,0.07868419139893314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008412985124194,0.08232591646798405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509137490807017,0.0,0.08303266287316134,0.0,0.3542817016131228,0.09640085373775298,0.0,0.33268859563038033,0.14948959070616424,0.0,0.0946234973775769,0.0,0.09007295523779786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17429495767172554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06605601744545206,0.0,0.0,0.09788243060987536,0.0,0.0,0.105499860838472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3249631627226916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696088108623029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990067656709014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454602342136296,0.19901490285873036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655811940006748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335601212217506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407716859235947,0.0,0.17210019511326016,0.10296382113689663,0.10817835477727776,0.0,0.1111003676950425,0.0943837008295308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985767134862527,0.11217152592846076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08416119948741588,0.09374365999993828,0.07837095085151577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152161515265385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173727786604668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870219279576028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09288225059719046,0.0,0.07409736871800035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11270056454396687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057465323434125214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381802236617146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24394232298721935,0.05812736955704771,0.0782244381531571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07174560608105211,0.0,0.2008618293098272,0.0,0.10774900295504043,0.0,0.0 ptsd,honeyholeyum,2019/04/23,"Just too damn tired I don't wanna go into detail about my traumas, just wanted to say how damn tired I am of being tired. I'm so scared of closing my eyes when I'm tired, cause i know I'll drift off into my own custommade nightmare world (idk how else to describe it but I think ppl here will know what I mean), I hate waking up in cold sweats, being woken up by my partner because I was making noises, moving weirdly or even screaming occasionally. I feel like Ive done everything to fix it but it's not enough, 2 years of edmr, 15mgs of parzosin (for a 5 ft tall woman) and all the relaxing baths and meditations/mindfullness in the world, even spray my pillow with lavander all the time because it's sometimes comforting. I usually wait till morning when my partner wakes up so they can watch over me when I take a long nap thats still short enough to stop me from going into REM, caffeine might be the only thing keeping me going most of the time tbh. I'm just rambling so I don't expect this to be too coherent, just deliriously tired and frustrated with myself I hope you folks are all managing okay, it's a bitch living like this and I hate thinking bout the shit so many of you guys have gone through and still go through. I feel we should make a discord group (if we haven't already), sometimes I feel like the people who know what ptsd is like are the only ones who can truly relate to what others with ptsd deal with. Best wishes to everyone here.",4.484178082191782,5.410163308219179,5.0560547945205485,84.81736986301371,70.02739726027397,7.757808219178082,26.928767123287678,7.908726449838941,1.5060172602739719,1154,36,231,14,20,370,171,292,0.161,0.708,0.131,-0.7626,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,2,1,1,22,20,7,1,12,1,20,10,5,5,3,52,48,19,0,7,9,0,3,4,2,3,5,2,2,4,15,15,0,3,9,3,0,7,4,11,0,1,4,8,31,9,35,37,8,34,0,0,2,0,14,15,4,5,16,152,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077824387196398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907873802059744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024997471414162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10033507894377136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069456971440917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999514006566402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159163416881626,0.0,0.0,0.2018406193328412,0.0,0.12902162227638006,0.0,0.0,0.09332887933117573,0.0877804470053034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481562613601367,0.13955244342834952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22203484715935545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670970097350452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928598932232159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700939646364387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868145220281704,0.0,0.0,0.16103237369682105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086857705549884,0.0,0.08624533160782022,0.08643581077366526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039237622799155,0.0990231204106442,0.0,0.10639241291833784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361355527839924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380887505201553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06618443509527004,0.1485664781861928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771281209587582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22834447479555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767194372899444,0.09778576561823236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10025793511459756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319834307743866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600046251225322,0.08165737599316948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734364785803765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488830944631026,0.1251673374280179,0.0,0.0,0.1139055560675901,0.5612925527243912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075708690007504,0.0,0.057608919227016775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123168938518732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628969576053061 ptsd,throwawaygc00,2019/04/23,"Please help me find ways to cope while I'm saving up to go back to therapy Hi everyone, I'd like to ask for help. I'm a 19 year old female. Growing up, my parents were emotionally/verbally abusive. My brother was physically violent to me. He would still have several angry outbursts today. My two aunts who stayed with us were also such angry people. I'm the youngest in the family. Most of the times, I never fight back since I never wanted to be as angry/violent as them. During the times that I opened up about how they treated me, they immediately dismissed it and called me selfish. Entering college, I only get to see my family once a week. I developed certain habits from the trauma I got from my household. Because of how they treated me, I often get anxious for standing up for myself. My first kiss wasn't consensual. My close college friend kissed and groped me when I was drunk. Months passed, another close friend kissed me forcefully, but this time, no one was drunk. Then came the time I had a boyfriend. Things were going great at first, and he even helped me cope with the trauma I got from the two guys. Then, he began forcing me to show him my chest and lower private part. There were several times I said no, but I gave in eventually. I didn't see it as a red flag before until he forced me to suck him off. It was a terrible experience. I puked and cried right after. I didn't notice that he was manipulating me that time when he started going like ""Oh no, I'm such a douchebag for doing that! I'm sorry I'm a huge douchebag!"". I ended up comforting him that entire night instead of the other way around. It was our first relationship. We didn't break up that time. He was also controlling, and didn't give me privacy whenever he forced to see my messages. I was wrong to give the relationship another chance because after months passed, he sexually abused me several times. He would apologize, then do so again. I will not go into details with the other sexual things he did since this is all I could talk about without breaking down. We broke up in 2018. I'm currently not seeing a therapist atm, but will do so again next month once I save up some money. I'm in my third year of university and I do freelance graphic illustration part-time so I don't really get as much. Can anyone recommend other ways for me to cope while I'm not in therapy? I've been getting nightmares and intrusive thoughts again. I'm mostly scared these days. All this trauma I got from different events makes me feel so weak. One of my harassers also contacted me. Idk what to do. I'm scared of not getting better.",2.6778134167052627,5.107033269685044,4.0667531264474315,83.64724486645055,78.50787401574803,7.291400339663425,24.52771344758376,8.313332769828598,1.7498329010344291,2063,74,393,42,51,679,242,508,0.18899999999999997,0.7190000000000001,0.092,-0.9958,4,0,0,0,2,0,64.0,4,0,4,5,26,29,4,2,19,0,35,7,1,5,5,50,75,32,0,4,8,3,1,2,2,4,1,1,0,1,21,19,2,1,3,3,2,9,16,14,0,8,28,7,62,15,59,41,7,84,0,1,5,3,46,23,1,4,47,259,83,2,0.0,0.17038223148138262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249799199812407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15078926822976754,0.0,0.0812278435233974,0.0,0.05027496197520128,0.0,0.0,0.06400727520818493,0.06721787747756801,0.0,0.0,0.1105751057525615,0.0,0.08766055800917924,0.0,0.0611825903159286,0.0,0.0,0.06359073191855495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341912210353241,0.08223577090965004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064326340490134,0.05740722460219319,0.0,0.07898004665598048,0.04637029915190946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512140750023663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368308524777802,0.0,0.0,0.047490037230830735,0.0,0.0,0.06870463843114526,0.0,0.07033312999695382,0.13556402683888816,0.0,0.03635538624630285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571635648771078,0.1834772666768475,0.0,0.0,0.11110131376572807,0.0,0.1878269391500101,0.13794828633317302,0.16345234189587415,0.0,0.1725177748172009,0.07927128134263463,0.0,0.07119345143523327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458149327320435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025454858368135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04799458177962655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721724567841177,0.0,0.05285562472618797,0.0,0.1109092123700011,0.0,0.07646769801930407,0.06747436675805357,0.0,0.0,0.08185994578150499,0.07544817101934483,0.1531447749131669,0.09744417195570423,0.05468407121096426,0.0,0.0,0.07983772785069515,0.1557238963941502,0.0,0.0498472102691284,0.0,0.0,0.07892588078218626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046061723422304655,0.0,0.0,0.1543898724554156,0.0,0.06140319670146066,0.06839446716003311,0.0,0.14397120631168164,0.0,0.2291836577608681,0.0,0.0,0.24368353057019226,0.0,0.11895476302919494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804874605732331,0.05089201022837528,0.07663706846170681,0.0574203582471152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057791427826556226,0.0,0.0,0.16445048253129027,0.08348278707677648,0.09553586994433808,0.0,0.0,0.05708148860103724,0.3354091509939804,0.0,0.06815389130231964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14047396888114685,0.0,0.08648824100629593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04240916631878065,0.17121537924959404,0.057674772529023324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931015122512445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215304044567512,0.07861262984760435,0.0,0.09260397771106912 ptsd,TheYellowSprout,2019/04/23,"Was raped 5 yrs ago and lost my first pregnancy 6mths ago. PTSD diagnosed. So I thought people would have PTSD if they experienced wars or witnessed horrible murders etc. But obviously I knew nothing about it. Just to post here now that I am ready to fight over it and be the fully happy me again.",3.7710526315789465,5.948466807017546,4.382315789473683,83.94821052631579,73.91228070175438,8.068771929824562,27.18947368421053,8.841846274778883,2.1373957894736844,236,9,46,5,5,75,50,57,0.28600000000000003,0.624,0.09,-0.9338,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,1,2,6,6,4,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,10,8,6,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,4,1,6,1,4,2,1,7,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,2,5,31,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252030980148147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24343010123734604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26748230658044475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20400572812118486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25531157004711674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618110567609767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23013063221194266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662731837564467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296981101453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5607146069150226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19040425315696888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17037373981009818,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fortnut-6996,2019/04/23,Loss of sleep and mental stability I don’t know how to put this but I have been a victim of knife crime and assaults pretty much most of my life and whenever something like certain music starts playing or someone says something related to it I just kind of zone out my hands start sweating and shaking my mouth feels dry and that’s just during the day sometimes when I am asleep they can cause me to wake up all shaky and stressed out almost feeling like I am back on the day it happened.I don’t know if there is anything the nhs can do to help I don’t want to called a crazy person and be locked away just want something to make it go away,6.303344155844156,5.481412689393943,5.977922077922081,85.79045454545457,66.04545454545453,8.451948051948053,31.73593073593073,6.868970318607317,1.6878385281385286,513,17,109,3,7,159,88,132,0.163,0.6809999999999999,0.156,-0.4569,0,0,3,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,1,1,7,11,2,3,5,0,12,7,6,3,2,29,22,12,0,3,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,5,9,0,0,4,1,0,3,3,6,0,0,1,4,11,5,16,20,3,15,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,5,8,69,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224776684267895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415533529606651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232267438874957,0.13226860373651667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564613123546755,0.0,0.0,0.17670637000575878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218703633851353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17395149276586044,0.12288725918817095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977598569447002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529775538073925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17912672767684076,0.1890694428371208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12149899369536568,0.16807528211814607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482107614918036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335025088582492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645051767435886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501965071806818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17500068084368747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292217612173222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367929080449904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213881929190047,0.0,0.1457474059409289,0.3972757113305936,0.17012683029568054,0.0,0.24350562772473905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19704213442953628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20291732669619925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Uncreativeusername96,2019/04/23,"Am I experiencing PTSD? I was in a car accident several years ago and the passenger side of the car was totaled but I was driving. I was terrified to drive after that but I was able to get in the car and drive again but got super nervous when a car passed that side. Now I'm comfortable driving but I'm a nervous wreck in the passenger seat when someone drives by. When I hear brakes squealing my heart begins to race and I can feel myself getting upset and I might cry. When I see a car accident or a crash happen sometimes it makes me upset, depending on how severe it is. Especially the fake car crashes on tv. I understand that it'll take a long time to recover from it but could I be suffering from PTSD or is this just a long recovery process?",2.459744560075688,4.547074960264903,4.245567644276253,83.83451986754969,77.54304635761589,8.022894985808891,27.34200567644276,8.841846274778883,2.2927422894985807,593,25,119,14,14,200,86,151,0.27699999999999997,0.6659999999999999,0.057,-0.9899,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,4,12,0,13,1,1,3,1,21,26,16,0,1,8,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,8,4,0,1,2,1,0,12,0,6,0,0,6,4,14,2,14,16,1,32,0,1,1,0,1,7,0,4,13,80,22,0,0.1854307979298243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643732141106635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805140350561094,0.0,0.20368702436643868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937593830053942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937598770887774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830594853024676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397584221472913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208993985966809,0.2197363883613241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282008420019589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12377649751190145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671277321753253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335173594347063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776433814373002,0.0,0.0,0.4189680417650324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15711491334025662,0.0,0.18339580060582197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942088289568985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812618946785628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19304000021327086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941135427928624 ptsd,Teabee27,2019/04/23,"My mom showed pics of my kids to my abusers daughter So my abuser has been dead for years. He was related to me through marriage and sexually abused me for years. I haven't spoken to his family in over a decade. For some reason my mom feels the need to tell me when she runs into them. She lives down the road from their house and she saw abuser's daughter (my aunt) at a mutual friend's funeral. I guess said aunt was being polite to my mom for once and my mom not only felt the need to show pics of my kids to her, but to then tell me about it and how she's invited to that house. You know, the house I was molested in for most of my childhood. I didn't say it but how many brain cells do you have to be missing to think it's appropriate to bring up to your daughter, let alone on Easter?",2.84,3.645272523809524,3.9878571428571448,91.40714285714287,73.76190476190476,7.504761904761906,22.333333333333336,7.793537801064563,0.6457404761904764,616,14,145,8,12,201,98,168,0.121,0.879,0.0,-0.9548,1,1,0,0,4,0,13.0,0,3,2,0,5,3,1,0,6,0,12,1,1,3,0,20,23,11,2,2,3,9,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,4,5,0,0,5,2,0,2,3,2,0,0,8,5,29,1,32,12,2,16,0,1,1,0,30,9,0,3,5,97,33,0,0.0,0.5387946551716492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774383655069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691055601966852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717252095374748,0.0,0.057482777475975286,0.0,0.1091558566330899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783309374320457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523733602553844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3935332237246155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06247854811307395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625107118799458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038633182913058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152591988341028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5325880824396863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685926357430858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12107128993626265,0.0,0.08646290471525142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11688757300191732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814089306362124,0.0904072298364888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19873218177614152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07284504352278721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641940008812027 ptsd,Katiejones89123,2019/05/27,"Trauma Recovery Coach I am interested in using my own experience with PTSD to help others and am looking into becoming a trauma recovery coach. Is this something anyone else has looked into before? Or alternatively would anyone consider getting a coach? I haven't come across too many before. I've been to numerous career and life coaches before but really without me going into details of my childhood trauma, the solutions are only ever temporary, so trauma recovery coaching might be a good alternative.",7.496112956810631,10.232998976744183,8.822358803986713,53.69290697674421,65.04651162790698,10.960797342192693,35.54152823920265,10.914260884657429,5.333357475083057,416,20,47,13,7,143,66,86,0.125,0.77,0.10400000000000001,-0.4515,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,10,1,0,1,1,14,16,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,5,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,2,5,2,10,12,1,9,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,2,2,39,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726570047587491,0.19977119040788227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21533053976992367,0.4977187797919549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679505554982039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287354612135418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763627498827495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907193939772282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018644840883354,0.0,0.1108067122559808,0.16353271940606068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13068518718742506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13771403165421128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3274536611829389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19767034860355287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683379302732105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828449867103022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22791107646048134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249036403900853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15009847193414105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839264778776444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879454254161345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13850205420670345,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,definitelycisgender,2019/05/27,"I don’t have PTSD, but I‘d like some advice As the title says. I’m embarrassed to say this is what’s causing my feelings, but I saw my dog get run over about 9 months ago. Again, I know I don’t have PTSD but I keep getting anxious around roads and dogs without leashes. It’s like I can’t take it. Every time my mother takes the dogs out without leashes (and I keep reminding her she shouldn’t do that) I freak out and I feel like I’m living that situation all over again, completely helpless. I was learning to drive around that time and now I don’t even want to get in a car. I don’t want to walk the other dogs. I don’t want to do anything anymore. At this point I have no idea what is because of my depression or what’s because of that. I would just like some advice on how to deal with this.",1.1155588235294118,2.9278480117647057,2.574926470588238,95.52591911764708,80.64705882352942,5.4264705882352935,21.801470588235293,6.322622252153567,0.15032352941176486,622,19,144,5,16,202,92,170,0.131,0.765,0.10400000000000001,-0.8196,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,4,0,16,0,0,2,1,33,32,10,0,5,7,1,2,4,0,2,0,2,0,0,13,9,0,2,5,0,0,4,10,4,0,0,2,5,21,4,22,28,3,22,0,2,1,0,6,11,0,3,11,94,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27000627664768284,0.1224657735022837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15607544570171902,0.13701230302152628,0.0,0.0,0.11368951659912516,0.2459738821797596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16843560124556411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192289596646565,0.0,0.0,0.1448525362777416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142431391816364,0.11899240931506387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124985233737157,0.0,0.11640126264125585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397102979944416,0.09869771927745732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165403288160667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15595979895622594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455964256546256,0.0,0.0,0.07592619005567212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26998156068522744,0.0,0.1219930990658761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102737344098056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060081263168027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3229908171905403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197322672271156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529163033518992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207750226928054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16111819070618827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24446160015815624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26635233129139685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814110916752318,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,weirdo_randomer,2019/05/27,Episodes Today I'm having constant episodes really close together and they're making me throw up. This is in a down moment from them and I so badly need help. How can I make them come less close together? The triggers are the same thing over and over again and I can't stop them triggering it,1.2786206896551704,3.941726086206895,2.089224137931037,92.99693965517244,89.86206896551724,5.658620689655173,19.31896551724137,7.1686216300943375,0.5872000000000002,235,7,47,4,8,73,45,58,0.07,0.8440000000000001,0.085,-0.036000000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,5,0,15,10,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,6,10,2,14,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,5,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29824607836540384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30769513824401296,0.0,0.3860050063382429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23942282666942105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.476865946298448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648583846559616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22883069831477146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2986341916734829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373070112144997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385826968868225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Gokinatzu,2019/05/27,"It's not, ""Happy Memorial day."" Some don't know how much saying it that way can hurt. Went to the Wreath laying ceremony at the cemetery today. One of the speakers said that it's not a happy day, it's a day of remembrance and honor. Remembrance of the ones that served and didn't make it home. I always remember my mentor on this day... Well I think of him often, but it hurts the most today. He taught me so much. He pushed me to be best Airman I could be. He was one of the best men in my life and I will always miss him. To all my fellow warriors, No matter what happens, you are worth it. You are never alone and I love you. You are my family, always remember that. Never be afraid to reach out when you need it. I know I'm not the only one that will catch you, when you fall.",0.8405487804878042,2.716723847560978,2.8696951219512212,92.74466463414636,81.86585365853658,5.807317073170732,16.347560975609756,6.9077264865688965,-0.2361999999999997,597,10,135,7,16,201,91,164,0.105,0.77,0.125,0.5588,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,7,0,3,7,11,0,1,9,0,13,2,0,2,3,25,25,9,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,3,1,1,15,5,0,0,5,0,1,4,8,4,1,4,5,3,21,7,13,14,7,19,0,3,0,1,17,4,0,3,10,99,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13398664761563864,0.0,0.0,0.3229346185072283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715283101935393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329014112455698,0.0,0.0,0.3337276641801402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195701464957286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11440004945806252,0.2754301361967209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12976705391677365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27698309713518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14219497945370976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913767272643962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676003247536622,0.0,0.08635441200274166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020131960833392,0.09592502986844532,0.199553771796054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35065350547135715,0.09839049826544016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930983581708449,0.0,0.1230589740934594,0.10287894467234167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289404747595132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452522343515408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026866148406315,0.0,0.0,0.11631772871380493,0.11992580349849948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Haovu2,2019/05/27,"BPD and IFS therapy I started seeing an IFS/internal family systems therapist the past few months. We did a lengthy “test” (I can look up the name for anyone interested, forget at the moment) and the results came back and said I had PTSD and Disassociative Identity Disorder with mild Borderline Personality traits. For years and years I was treated for BPD. I’ve done two DBT groups and only saw Borderline specialized therapists. I started IFS because I felt I needed to address my underlying trauma as opposed to the daily “dealing with emotions.” I do feel a bit lost about a new diagnosis. While I identified a lot with others with borderline such as feeling empty or being super emotional, there are some qualities I really don’t have at all - but I know everyone is different. Has this ever happened to anyone else in here, and if so, what did they think of it? Furthermore, has anyone ever done IFS therapy and what did they think of it?",6.383992248062018,7.91059305813954,7.4941860465116275,66.86224806201552,66.09302325581396,11.314728682170546,34.68217054263566,11.20814326018867,4.579382170542635,754,35,120,24,12,255,116,172,0.053,0.904,0.042,-0.1926,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,2,2,8,6,0,0,10,0,16,0,0,1,3,36,32,18,0,5,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,6,14,0,1,6,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,12,7,15,4,20,19,5,19,0,1,3,0,8,5,0,7,12,94,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622739834796847,0.12810915051583713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614120800236102,0.0,0.07621780584160373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650159235951784,0.0,0.31494461919899663,0.0,0.0,0.1430022843288309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890158715771993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063090131827554,0.14329648741045842,0.0,0.0,0.2559004764570624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044474510689276,0.2812863462543809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261955993152517,0.0,0.11947258633271038,0.0,0.0,0.11786820562596005,0.0,0.12643897475200047,0.0,0.12004947574630112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056460009198936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871382972675827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499464482790573,0.0,0.1364862293150631,0.10629698091356383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09979864133855716,0.0,0.0,0.09270898584798927,0.0,0.12075582782169025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950917953716259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935634469462633,0.0,0.1091723449871077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615467995604556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800981324386105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189332200713915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963360903690167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699533028612702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859679480209434,0.290341517372838,0.0,0.16022977704296812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213722943517667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610318746226414 ptsd,NotAzakanAtAll,2019/05/27,"just got diagnosed. I should start by saying I'll mention death and army (not American) related stuff so you can skip this thread if you need to. _____________________________ Got the diagnosis just two days ago. Got medication and appointments to therapy or whatever. I'm already dealing with nerve damage in my spine and going to have surgery for the third time in a few weeks - while that fucking sucks it got skyrocketed by this new plot twist. Really, really struggling. It's been years, maybe 15 years since my NCO shot himself. My search team found him. Great dude. A real brotherly authority figure. Trying to not think too much about that. I never thought that that could have been the reason for my decline after leaving the military. Depression, isolation, numbness, severe dissociation, feelings of dread and doom (which I didn't know until very recently is anxiety), can't stand a certain smell of forest etc, constantly think ""If he killed himself being the fucking champion he was. What chance do I have?"", self harmed for a year after I left the army which concluded in a suicide attempt which left a huge scare over my chest which also reminds me. Never thought anything about it, I could not see my own problems and when I did I didn't link it to PTSD as ""I haven't experienced anything traumatic"". Just pushing anything related to that away subconsciously. The psychologist said that they called it ""the evading illness"" internally as it's extremely common to just block it all and say that you are fine. Well, you people know all that. I don't know. I just had to write something about it that says ""hey this happened"" to myself. Between this and the surgery I'm struggling to find the will to go on. All I see before me is a mountain I don't have the strength to climb. I got homework to ready as much as I can about PTSD but so far I've been avoiding it and just shitpost on reddit instead. I remember he asked if there was anything I wanted to do, like a goal, I could not answer because I don't get joy from anything - but today I realized what I wanted. I want to stop. No real reason to post this. I'm going to anyway, not even on a throwaway because this is real and happening no matter what I think.",4.550866841491839,6.417467149038465,5.154248251748253,80.5619638694639,71.01923076923076,8.119347319347321,29.91375291375291,8.754623652393294,2.4820602564102554,1738,72,316,32,33,558,220,416,0.13699999999999998,0.815,0.048,-0.9853,0,2,1,0,0,1,56.0,0,4,1,6,21,22,4,5,20,0,32,8,2,3,6,69,68,25,3,12,17,1,1,1,0,2,4,4,1,1,32,10,0,3,19,1,0,5,16,15,1,2,18,9,40,7,46,44,8,40,1,3,2,2,24,12,3,4,22,221,72,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168730137759306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924320847707341,0.06467254498570504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186612760927938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327498943924269,0.0,0.07560350972187957,0.0,0.07598100832218313,0.0,0.0,0.09859647609200524,0.0,0.06881530234726242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0825783782532954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873928690273825,0.0,0.19370684524067788,0.0,0.0,0.052155133340944834,0.08337449573679724,0.06965411203690987,0.08208240773999065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019259179686408,0.05341456211067852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04089082994970062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391466947559003,0.0,0.0,0.08867092599771736,0.0,0.14952795481120215,0.042251782867727815,0.0,0.13788263461286046,0.0,0.3233998095705512,0.08916061194663248,0.0,0.0,0.14302799495759624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947182858228543,0.0,0.13333383311881533,0.0,0.0,0.08563075915853706,0.17573325272381898,0.0,0.0,0.039509507337725513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124583390310425,0.0,0.0,0.08146906916375071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889904554561224,0.059964854706469416,0.12474546996012595,0.07810575861718523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05606579957018566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745210571008572,0.0,0.0,0.0773826676140132,0.18906784640282825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761468603428979,0.10361612372324304,0.16629780538535205,0.07985039998571633,0.0,0.0916111284329189,0.0,0.07692688250357146,0.19293570128961351,0.08096602350831751,0.0,0.1288875039486491,0.0,0.08436613662461664,0.09136126114005763,0.0,0.06689736362281676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062258480977918036,0.0,0.0,0.057240941464582765,0.0,0.0,0.06761181428084824,0.0,0.16908794917822087,0.09257799760574817,0.08845979666775355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924830872484136,0.0,0.0,0.1554566994582212,0.0,0.12840515173446435,0.047156556335112065,0.0,0.07665629408453728,0.0,0.0,0.05490613063021833,0.0,0.07899925935269987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672708112775648,0.1430995118440958,0.0,0.06486987374839928,0.0,0.07271278113413718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15623490338935445 ptsd,Surewhynot2019,2019/05/27,"Finally made an appointment to see a therapist. Felt a sense of relief, then anxiety, now guilt? I haven't been able to manage my depression and anxiety for about 2-3 years now. Medication helps but I've always avoided talking to a therapist. I've turned a corner in the last few months and don't want to lose this momentum. I've had a few ideas but never really known why I have these issues. I never thought that I may have PTSD and didn't know the symptoms. A few weeks ago I watched a video about PTSD and it brought me to tears. Things that I've always thought were part of my personality are listed as symptoms and my behavior is described to a tee in some of the examples. Looking back on it, I didn't have a stable household growing up. My step father was an alcoholic / addict. In junior high he attempted to commit suicide and I saw it. I never talked about it and tried to just bury that memory. For maybe a year now I think about it every day whether I want to or not. I know that I need to see a therapist either way, but I feel like this is nothing compared to what others have experienced. Is it normal to feel guilty about potentially being diagnosed? Part of me wants to cancel the appointment. Also, is this considered thinking about suicide even though it's someone else?",3.9903571428571434,5.720394305555558,5.104158730158733,80.91028571428575,72.21428571428572,8.532063492063491,28.07619047619048,9.120678840339163,2.410886666666667,1023,39,194,22,20,337,142,252,0.145,0.7959999999999999,0.059000000000000004,-0.9659,0,1,1,0,0,3,25.0,0,0,0,2,14,6,0,2,17,0,19,6,0,1,4,39,39,16,2,5,8,1,3,1,0,1,6,0,0,1,18,7,1,1,11,1,0,3,8,4,0,0,12,9,19,2,31,25,7,27,0,2,5,0,6,7,0,3,17,136,37,2,0.1054178863599077,0.0,0.0,0.11492105639674538,0.0,0.0,0.0934465957067627,0.1126596608923177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430264563558486,0.1754322526044943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128878904777166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105984755298097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679858156979937,0.0,0.09079627105144644,0.10699693562623117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806311712597571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696275197209541,0.0,0.08881911589437927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660490159329676,0.07531055907900773,0.10121770263768144,0.11548014172170193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065938711337112,0.1113797847828279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900396219110697,0.0,0.11002888493302784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586982685500966,0.08592964732119042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150185441233263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08852447436920509,0.11793564998571347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974895297160298,0.0,0.0,0.10590643597549644,0.0,0.0,0.10619742998347627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414355114717724,0.0,0.0,0.07816602699068366,0.2439143183019353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032871462961354,0.10115130509844897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283145960594952,0.0,0.0,0.09204683221204246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24645573573614415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753339738141008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16800881385817876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08932023301877841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306201153248529,0.0,0.0,0.21913909543144755,0.0,0.16946180779505995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3671948734402026,0.07003495950398464,0.1350950499834802,0.10357253811276566,0.1673800529551875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157182502657881,0.11466438885147386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18653460197498786,0.08367581139377996,0.08455986972903592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512324573649224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577132510922374 ptsd,ricej15,2019/05/27,Does anyone else doubt actually having ptsd sometimes because you go through a clear patch. I’ve had no help for it but my doctor diagnosed me with it just over a year ago when my insomnia got really bad and just after a traumatic event/period happened to me. I always doubt that I actually have ptsd because I go through days or weeks with no memories but then when I occasionally get triggered I remember I have it and it makes it feel so much worse because I thought I was better.,5.844609929078015,6.580669489361704,6.8391489361702105,73.93333333333334,66.87234042553192,10.521985815602838,33.751773049645394,10.504223727775694,3.6439347517730485,388,17,72,10,6,130,64,94,0.23600000000000002,0.691,0.073,-0.9566,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,1,5,4,0,2,3,0,5,3,0,2,1,17,13,9,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,4,1,13,1,8,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,8,49,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.3496973689800403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15882758216048645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908772386730754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528313313427736,0.18358567876448945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496034105185954,0.32766974637712026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846548301693794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555287431128253,0.0,0.0,0.18185857339761444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833929224342031,0.1567970085267512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967749081545434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905961241201993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361139819595184,0.0,0.2036582496168883,0.0,0.14330239481244367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15844361681801106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009704074587695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11960051967392545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171403834641882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4188913284694729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478391631121175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20297003441870726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17720838365427888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224471695143145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437231560474763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18259435121738896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153826478681596 ptsd,Tohuvabohu94,2019/05/27,"Does anyone else feel like they don't know who they are outside of their trauma? I've been feeling weird recently, I've been managing my trauma and the effects pretty well and moving forward. It's just now I'm finally mocing forward, I don't know who I am or who I want to be. It's like the trauma has been such a huge part of my personality that I feel like I'm starting to miss part of myself.",6.676428571428572,4.769720928571427,7.771428571428572,76.74857142857145,65.9047619047619,10.304761904761904,32.904761904761905,8.841846274778883,2.5323904761904763,314,10,66,4,4,108,52,84,0.134,0.662,0.204,0.6369,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,3,1,4,9,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,0,11,19,3,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,6,0,0,3,2,5,1,0,3,3,10,4,5,15,2,8,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,9,42,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856559356904012,0.2177030112041412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859359680657064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749336810637698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222971828269837,0.3035805504314702,0.0,0.2327530522711953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23353847219577994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114097445685179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258244617848129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4601736568610902,0.0,0.0,0.18552264337255545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21616074509017386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097907933120232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038900897090066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253216853754282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103814183501747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Dtp117,2019/05/27,"Feel like I started my life again today. Over the past 2 years, I've been suffering from what at times felt time paralyzing ptsd that I couldn't escape. I'm in Mountain Rescue, and over the past two years I've had missions with nothing but fatalities. The ones that stuck with me being a mentor of mine who I recovered,and the other a 6 year old boy who was murdered by his cousin. I had gone through therapy, and it certainly helped, I didn't cry on my way home from work anymore, but part of me still felt empty. I even took a trip to Norway recently to catch a break, and my guide got hit by an avalanche. He was buried but I was able to get him uncovered in time that he survived without injury. None the less, it was traumatic and recently I started getting anxious and irritable. Today I got a mission call out for a missing 7 year old girl who went missing at their families camping vacation last night. Their campsite was right next to a fast river and when I got there and realized this, I was terrified that I might be signing up to recover another child, which wrecked me so much before. I'm happy to say though, after hours of searching, the team was able to find the missing girl in the nearby woods. I cannot say enough how incredibly happy this made me. I cheered out ""fuck yes"" after I heard on the radio ""we've made contact!"". I got back to base and the family was in tears, for once in the past 2 years, tears of joy. I cannot express how impactful this was for me. I had to walk away from my team and I broke into to tears. I was so freaking happy for them. Soon enough, the girl was escorted from the woods and she went running to her parents. They were so happy to have their daughter back, and she too for seeing them again. I'm sharing this story on here because today, I thought my life was going to be even worse, and have to begin therapy again as I was getting worse and this mission wasnt going to help. However in the end, I feel like I was given a gift, and a chance to start over and keep my passion for helping others going. I know that many of you on here are in a rut or hole and feel like you cant get out, but please, don't give up. You never know when you might get your chance to rebuild like I did today. I can't say that tomorrow I will be fixed and everything will be better, but I know that today was a milestone, and my path has changed for the better. I hope that you too get that chance to improve your path soon. Love you all and stay strong.",5.691741953698474,5.1401182391304365,6.126236589497459,83.32767786561267,67.20158102766798,9.204856013551668,30.719649915302092,8.527137837955566,2.0805151891586675,1943,64,412,25,28,629,239,506,0.121,0.679,0.2,0.9942,2,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,8,6,7,23,27,2,0,27,1,42,5,0,4,3,56,90,34,2,2,7,3,5,4,0,4,2,4,1,5,23,25,0,1,11,3,0,11,11,9,0,2,39,10,62,18,66,40,7,82,0,5,1,3,47,24,1,4,48,278,85,4,0.13946828472329115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312232849806602,0.0,0.07877973183418939,0.06915753109972797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655175222563606,0.10724250208876628,0.0,0.042509285934750486,0.0,0.059338618987484965,0.0,0.0,0.12334836406781055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120635609576223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376947620131773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659968092120621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176375194238245,0.14410802034167922,0.0,0.0921174867030136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267255067119047,0.0,0.1314782864776437,0.0,0.10577903296375694,0.14945425571010024,0.13391142488205293,0.0,0.06373574277803637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446809093234164,0.21859926728024764,0.06689534359719265,0.11889456038419363,0.0,0.22309105592698794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969331649803198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402239770771314,0.0,0.06994903056315982,0.0692617379253264,0.06867408335294116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061982909821329236,0.0,0.0,0.11497218280975892,0.05684263331673895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851057406725294,0.1362743182012511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293778608407807,0.13196826320722568,0.0,0.07069947514827017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14795381010113431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126261834906679,0.0,0.053783269562813575,0.0,0.07416305151820664,0.06544076868604863,0.0,0.06691179033621883,0.0,0.14634850372635969,0.07426458573894912,0.04725365959804037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743151261324646,0.07551528063509724,0.1997073884006112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654714754315534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151548069837163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377081055850128,0.0,0.0,0.059552576555964784,0.0,0.1663661667885272,0.0,0.0,0.05556908295238423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807455464970115,0.07432731733463549,0.05568977616927407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949413836262122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06851344081073726,0.05536111965585724,0.12198761759458007,0.0,0.3304990657979655,0.0,0.07747719801564261,0.0,0.0,0.0681201243201375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05535171634952486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292884972114439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722122476795306,0.0,0.050767286168905065,0.0,0.14213009724193862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22453250678617007 ptsd,deadblinger,2019/05/27,"Am I an abuser? NSFW TR This is cross-posted but I need all the advice I can get. Sorry in advance if I'm all over the place. I'm not sure how to ask or talk about it. TL;DR I think I might be emotionally abusing my boyfriend and I don't know if it's selfish to stay with him. In september of last year I was admitted into a psychiatric hospital. At the time I found it unnecessary and completely frustrating considering after being abused by whole entire childhood I finally broke out of the state, landed a good job and got my very own house and everything was going really good. The day I was admitted, I had been broken up with by my pretty mentally exhausting boyfriend. He did some really bad and terrible things and I threw all of his clothes into my fish pond (there were no fish, only really really gross water and muck) and told him to leave. I cried a lot but I honestly handled it better than I thought I would. I've had some issues with my dad because he was never around and left my brother and I to live with my absolutely insane and abusive grandmother our whole lives. My brother was serving a prison sentence at the time and our relationship was nothing to even speak of so he was all I had. He constantly berated me and acted as if I was useless even though I worked really hard to achieve some really great things in my life. He refused to help me in any way (i'm 20 at the time) so after getting a really good insurance counseling job and getting my own house I cut everyone off. I called him that day crying and saying I needed someone to spend some time with and talk to because I just wanted him to maybe comfort me as a dad he used that opportunity to put me into a mental hospital instead. I had self harmed once in the past, and it caused some gnarly gnarly scars on my arm so once that was seen they kind of coerced me into staying. I didn't think it was necessary because i was thriving at that time in my life and had been for awhile and I honestly think just having someone nurture me would have helped. But I was given some diagnoses and put on some medication and sent home and all was well. My dad didn't really talk to me after I got out. At the end of the month I met my now partner and my life blossomed even more. At the beginning of November I got into a really bad car accident. I had to kick the door open and I was so out of it I thought I had already died. I called my dad from the ambulance and begged him to come to the hospital because I was so scared. He said he was at dinner with friends and I was old enough to handle it on my own. I found out I was pregnant afterwards and while my pregnancy was really wonderful and brought my partner and I even closer even though we had just started getting to know each other, it ended prematurely and I gave birth to my daughter Mars at 17 weeks. And then I spiraled out of control. Before I would feel too many emotions, and I would be manic. I only self harmed once but it was bad when I did. I've never taken medication, and didn't have any coping mechanisms besides crying uncontrollably and eating until I was sick and occasionally cutting all my hair off or tattooing my face, which I did three times. I barely feel anything anymore except anger. I've been slammed with the true feeling of losing my daughter and giving birth to her and the whole experience but my brain shuts it down. I'm also afraid of literally everything. Before I would convince myself I had everything wrong with me. Cancer, my appendix was constantly exploding, ect. I gave birth to my daughter on Thursday afternoon and that Monday on my way to the funeral home to pick out an urn for her my doctor called and said that my HIV test came back inconclusive and I needed to get retested. When I left the hospital they knew my test was inconclusive and instead of telling me then and getting blood for the longer test to be sure they waited FOUR days. Then they told me I couldn't get my blood drawn for 12 more days. Then while waiting I was called by the health services concerned I wasn't being responsible. I was in agony. My worst fear. I thought I killed my daughter and ruined my partners life. I thought once they came back negative I would be over it, but my brain doesn't believe I am healthy and I convince myself I have HIV everyday and I killed my daughter. If I see anything or hear anything about HIV I literally break down and don't do anything for the rest of the day, not that I don't already sit and do absolutely nothing. But my main question and the reason for this background is besides all of this: just knowing me, being told I could have HIV, having a miscarriage and a tattered background my completely mentally healthy, strong partner has been nothing but understanding. Never has once broke down, said he couldn't handle this, never blamed me, said a bad word to me, blamed me, always has done what I couldn't and has never wavered. Ever. After years of being the one blocking people and begging them not to walk out doors, I have become that very person. I know that if my partner and I ended our relationship I would be too devastated to live my life, for a long time. Especially after giving birth to our baby I don't think I could or would ever want to be with another person. But I constantly try to leave him, I get mad for no reason. I have started shaking and having tics, I have been the worst and shittiest person to be with. For the most part our relationship is great. Most days everything is normal and we get along great and thanks to his magical ways of resolving issues and working as a team and being really good with speaking to each other in a loving tone always, but something in me freaks out. He is very affectionate and sometimes I want to push him off of me, but when I do I freak out if he's more than five feet away. I've tried to leave and tell him that I'm not good for him and I won't blame him for finding someone who can do more for him right now. But I know and he tells me the same, that we have to grieve together. I mean, I told this person I could have contracted a deadly disease and after he watched me give birth to our five inch baby and he said, ""well you're definitely stuck with me then"" and sat with me while I cried for days. Basically my question is should I leave this person and be thoughtful enough to let them have a better partner, or let them stick through this process with me? TL;DR: I think I may be emotionally abusing my boyfriend and I don't know if its selfish to stay with him.",4.5508815079412415,5.702801036462379,5.4051933946580935,81.53915080264966,70.05508145849495,8.520860365391009,28.749784738147806,8.873149228415572,2.206417072609314,5172,188,1009,92,91,1690,447,1289,0.18600000000000005,0.7120000000000001,0.102,-0.9991,2,0,1,0,2,0,100.0,9,0,8,12,38,63,7,5,45,0,119,30,9,7,17,235,207,115,7,29,33,11,5,0,7,12,17,9,4,13,38,107,3,5,33,1,1,15,26,34,2,5,81,17,194,29,152,92,37,152,0,6,3,5,116,56,0,27,72,735,232,11,0.0,0.2115724075372851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03489867364812462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882114265659422,0.028559954204206074,0.059432738587864235,0.0,0.0,0.04857260721725711,0.03744856283754372,0.0,0.0,0.03541804811571398,0.0,0.0,0.11755618087895192,0.03179245440784592,0.03338716260217373,0.0,0.033553869243132486,0.05492272553154261,0.11927662665395808,0.08708211011353231,0.03944259075543048,0.060778863241606626,0.040236717300577714,0.0,0.06317111418058567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07973582253275363,0.1458692990475648,0.08169311969101863,0.0,0.036687449573575934,0.0,0.030763889946780944,0.07488953891625645,0.11578033635824515,0.04005556035249541,0.0855426151906937,0.0,0.15691775813126396,0.1612251000857663,0.0,0.0,0.036248299901345635,0.037064820332447394,0.0,0.0,0.036554128452579264,0.0,0.036547157883373656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03654367432056045,0.0,0.12051814028632052,0.09489428714341117,0.07380287753421493,0.0,0.11794165886435225,0.06460954192155181,0.0,0.034125637715795284,0.12838742967881792,0.03493451051488157,0.0,0.04018744921716088,0.0541732305877353,0.0,0.0,0.039122230793607216,0.032641356169120714,0.0,0.0,0.07831569288943596,0.02759204669360004,0.0,0.16792876878644286,0.1027785026691869,0.020296720609799184,0.1497733236898898,0.0856896887514675,0.11812228796211732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031992148028897736,0.0,0.0,0.03796162249663592,0.040251542584555634,0.0,0.04787581326399847,0.0,0.07164680666696871,0.0,0.0,0.08241682507688153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455092046365606,0.0708799811893528,0.0,0.0790230638810167,0.03718995975475923,0.11776274363677285,0.029111147980875014,0.0,0.15126113008725953,0.07760532156354458,0.0730386429010041,0.12612698128238614,0.0,0.0,0.09460663073055753,0.03160519214707661,0.0,0.039954105084615416,0.0,0.030362214230779783,0.03223269397237287,0.0,0.0,0.03620773287794548,0.035878861672570296,0.03890230939211212,0.0,0.07195488858186465,0.10797197499557896,0.037886222091333424,0.0,0.0,0.028506056354751806,0.0,0.0,0.07944299260175314,0.13772169125363987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034991501700340384,0.10280377156116056,0.0,0.037475154652125385,0.19016776836659027,0.024200291171087608,0.05432322607564038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03867407931536236,0.034092434952295206,0.024759141123959636,0.15591760453058146,0.037312851003835336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03420351855007893,0.03633331754585307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180356448284593,0.08001425388386316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516677613280879,0.07343854655967892,0.0,0.1150283221346442,0.0,0.030499006953158832,0.16985787723832155,0.02840069045479142,0.035755294986540904,0.0,0.028458917235138083,0.0,0.07451362858589929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077942021721802,0.027493882696989862,0.03532141771336077,0.039978172986663715,0.05055618785979347,0.11419704230941305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731882207102638,0.0,0.0,0.08611511715023724,0.09364512973526927,0.03288005572040705,0.0,0.0,0.0474527275163694,0.11441836764594075,0.07017637282940424,0.14176205892048271,0.14577319676527148,0.0,0.0,0.13650255086318114,0.0,0.04849404261656325,0.0,0.0,0.037178858296626316,0.0,0.030844869009350982,0.0,0.08840176530598734,0.06319397985366088,0.0850427880426114,0.028647096289413417,0.0,0.06422118380250652,0.0,0.0,0.11961804429098975,0.0,0.0,0.038729606153560386,0.05199949031267755,0.0,0.0,0.20295792129433854,0.039046943369825435,0.0,0.04599645477468891 ptsd,stullskull,2018/11/28,"Zoloft Hello, I have been on Zoloft (sertraline) for over a year and it's been great. I had to switch insurance due to my husband's job change. I had to fill at a different pharmacy so now it's the same medication, different manufacturer. I basically feel like I'm not even on medication any more. I went through this big phone call thing to different doctors, pharmacists and insurance company and was finally able to get them to give me a new prescription for the other manufacturer. I just wondered if anyone else has dealt with this, and if so, how long did it take you to adjust once you switched to the other manufacturer? I appreciate any replies :) ",5.539007285974499,7.22277430327869,6.719617486338798,71.03020947176687,68.26229508196721,11.323861566484515,33.22768670309654,11.20814326018867,4.224767577413479,523,24,96,18,9,176,80,122,0.0,0.895,0.105,0.9062,4,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,1,0,6,2,0,0,6,0,8,5,0,1,0,14,15,9,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,1,12,2,16,8,2,13,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,3,7,65,20,2,0.17020026127738702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314840281685441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900798003833532,0.1743902810150185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737934962942219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18004930868219796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5334691432675533,0.0,0.17420717941999062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421804786767433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11241566737682013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605836604749931,0.12159110066418552,0.0,0.18644606690633103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889226117607085,0.1632715994331201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876463889180248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889749698666226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315125051286065,0.0,0.0,0.1506218753406104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3429177145226629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438047292665825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812577235247979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12796941479673046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307349082520385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577773473675887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845749230982636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096033880278757 ptsd,gav102,2018/11/28,"What the hell do I do for College I’m a semester into college, majoring in criminal justice. Like the idiot I was I was looking forward to going into law enforcement (FBI had always been my dream). But I’m pretty much disqualified from every CJ career because of my PTSD and suicidal tendencies. I didn’t label this as advice but if anyone has any input please let me know. I’m not sure how to go on, or if I should change careers completely so there’s an actual chance I’ll graduate and get a job with minimum student debt. I’m already about 7,000$ in debt just from one semester. And 2/5 of my classes were CJ. ",1.6113937282229962,4.111923780487807,4.145371660859468,80.99067073170734,83.5528455284553,7.416724738675959,25.858885017421606,8.418075326091056,2.330068989547039,487,21,89,12,14,170,92,123,0.163,0.747,0.09,-0.8498,3,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,5,0,11,0,0,1,1,18,20,11,1,3,7,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,2,3,2,2,0,1,6,1,9,2,15,12,2,8,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,3,2,57,11,8,0.0,0.0,0.22042053710308465,0.0,0.0,0.2207215545827186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492576840679533,0.0,0.18794534409084426,0.0,0.0,0.15360213232208167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793642128883648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13769075376905635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238944846048436,0.0,0.2368246945176869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903086695950689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800989369468293,0.0,0.2567389105440528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22414518950849174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413449724724925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23097156883765965,0.0,0.11035067503424904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18967735463433408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16604345157650302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530581346011681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24794193109398066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297951610633548,0.0,0.0,0.2640347334564473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470696025702703,0.0,0.2128836644339468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Beanie234,2018/11/28,"Does everyone have trauma? Hi guys, new sub here. I am a young adult and it seems like a lot of people around me have had traumatic events happen. However, it also seems like a lot of people around me have never had any major traumas. I know that you never know what someone is going through (I had one person tell me that ""things have always seemed to work out for you""- and let me tell you that's not the case). Some people hide trauma well and some don't. So is everyone waking around nursing bad memories or is trauma a rare thing? I'm also just beginning to accept that a bunch of stuff that I have been through is trauma. I guess a bunch of crap has happened in my life and it's weird to think that maybe other people don't have this. ",5.178133333333335,5.237781080000005,5.5420000000000025,85.01433333333334,68.2,8.266666666666667,24.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.1072666666666664,582,12,120,6,9,186,89,150,0.17600000000000002,0.763,0.061,-0.9536,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,0,1,9,12,1,0,7,0,19,3,2,0,2,25,31,8,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,3,15,8,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,8,1,1,4,0,13,4,15,26,7,12,0,0,0,0,9,5,1,9,8,90,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21093282767006288,0.10973683218185636,0.0,0.0,0.08968464475106251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522102447470422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11011640615376278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541129319695967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25203882359085683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495188262633275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528347845116227,0.13058444201763542,0.2332465764185851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495838200510236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13485882510644795,0.09315253314889677,0.12886228776739214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22424362645089316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249373041823256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343187919646846,0.1273729719936013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936701737435905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3657229707455073,0.1151547406974996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3601827141080575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117436420693248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509739474403636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305422932562126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17523378931417724,0.08450500183714152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11857823544572195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960120545942593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,carterrx07,2018/11/28,"Everything but PTSD Up until my diagnosis this year, I had no idea why I was the way I was. There exists only four years of my 30 year life not touched by trauma. A list of only some of the things I experienced, feel free to just skip through to some you may experience. Extreme stomach pain - up until my early teens I would wake in the middle of the night a few times a month with pain so bad I couldn’t stand, it felt like I had a giant stone in my stomach and it needed out. I hid this from my parents. Fainting - I started fainting when I was in my early teen years and through middle and high school. You know when you stand up too fast sometimes and get dizzy, it was exactly like that except next thing I know I’m on the floor, waking and disoriented. I hid this from my parents until it happened when I stood up in the tub and fell out into the floor and banged my head on the wall. I underwent some tests at children’s hospital and they came up with Chronic Dehydration (Diagnosis #1) Insomnia and Fatigue - I used to sleep and wake up without moving all night. I could get out of bed and just pull my covers over a bit and my bed was made. Fast forward to about 19 years old and I suddenly couldn’t stay awake for an entire day but also couldn’t stay asleep at night. When I did sleep, I tossed and turned, when I wake my covers are everywhere. I haven’t slept more than a couple hours at a time in over 10 years. Vivid dreams - I remember most of my dreams. Sometimes I will forget what is real and what was in a dream because they feel so normal. However, I also have dreams that maybe some would consider bad. I have found them entertaining because I dream somewhat lucidly. If something really bad is happening I can think to myself that it’s only a dream and see it through. My dreams are like heavy action movies/games but sometimes I do have some reminiscent of my experience and those do mess me up for a day or so. Social Anxiety - Around 20 years old I went to the doctor because I was developing a fear of being in social/public settings while alone or accompanied. I developed a fear of the phone years before as well. I would suddenly forget words when having conversations, among other weird things causing awkwardness. It was just easier not to socialize. My PCP, unaware of my trauma diagnosed me with Social Anxiety. (Diagnosis # 2) Heart Arrhythmia - I had my wisdom teeth removed when I was 23. They put me under and when I awoke they told me to make an appointment with my doctor and to give them a slip of paper from the heart monitor. I had my appointment and had an EKG where my heart off every third beat. They scheduled me with a cardiologist and they did a sonogram measuring my heart and getting a better look at everything and confirmed my left ventricle was beating before it was full every third beat. This would explain why I was fainting ... I wasn’t getting enough blood to my brain when standing too fast at just the right beat. I was diagnosed with chronic PVCs. (Diagnosis #3) Depression - This one was tricky. I just never felt anything except void so I never knew it wasn’t normal. I never really felt joy but I never really felt sad. I always thought about just not living. I thought about suicide all the time. My mind would wander there a lot but it felt commonplace. I never felt like I was so sad I needed to die. I just felt like, life was a lot of work to feel like I’m always struggling to catch up. Plus I had a tough time forming any sort of friendship or attachments which I know is important. But that didn’t make me sad or upset, it’s not like I wanted those things because I don’t know any better. I do see other woman with a bunch of girlfriends and sometimes I feel like I wish I had that but also I immediately think about how exhausting it would be. I guess the best way I can describe myself is numb. My dad took his life when I was 24. I felt nothing, everyone else was breaking down and all I thought about was getting a week off work. I wasn’t close to my dad but wasn’t distant either. He would always tease me about being his only non-affectionate child and about my half hugs, he would give me full dad hugs which I secretly was okay with. He never hurt me. It does make me upset that my relationship with my dad suffered because of the trauma he never knew about. Anyway I contemplated suicide in such a way that I knew exactly how and when. I also knew it wasn’t right and called my doctor and told her something needs to change. She put me in touch with a therapist and I was diagnosed with depression. I saw her a couple times and was over it and didn’t go back. I never told her about my trauma. (Diagnosis #4) Irregular menses - I went to my Gyno with a request for an IUD because I could remember to take the pill daily like I used to in the past. She did routine blood work to make sure I was a good candidate and found that my DHEA levels were 3 times the acceptable range. DHEA is an androgen released by the adrenal glands. I’m a woman and do not need that much testosterone. Later I would find out that DHEA is released after a fight/flight/freeze response to lower the cortisol levels back to normal. I was diagnosed with PCOS, I do not look like I have PCOS but it is normal for women with PCOS to have elevated DHEA. I did not tell her about my trauma. (Diagnosis #5) Concentration problems - I started college when I was 28. I noticed I was having a lot of problems concentrating. My therapists had mentioned in the past that she wanted to test me for ADHD. My PCP put me in touch with a psychologist and after a couple hours of testing, confirmed and diagnosed me with ADHD. His report also diagnosed me with General Anxiety Disorder but he did not believe I was depressed but could benefit from CBT. I did not tell him about my trauma. (Diagnosis 6 & 7) A few other things I experienced but I don’t feel like going into: Eating disorders Alcohol and drug abuse Promiscuity All of these things! I felt crazy. I was on 5 medications and I still felt like something was wrong. Fast forward to this year.... I share my trauma with a therapist at the local rape crisis center and I learn that all of those things, every single one of them can be attributed to PTSD. It has been such a relief to feel like I’m not crazy. That I am experiencing a completely normal. A normal response to trauma. Thank you for reading and letting me get this off my chest. Just now I have felt something new. I feel thankful that my body and my brain have tried so hard to keep me safe all these years. I cannot wait to one day repay them and take over the reigns.",3.626986655813006,5.420159665639449,4.703842195540311,83.14856470040993,73.2989214175655,7.702427537285229,25.496438642904906,8.42223169241117,1.6956624763787542,5218,172,1013,91,106,1707,453,1298,0.132,0.73,0.138,0.5178,4,1,6,0,2,2,135.0,0,4,10,10,58,71,2,6,64,1,106,55,22,11,17,230,194,90,3,31,39,6,22,13,1,11,29,1,2,5,57,70,2,3,41,9,1,17,34,38,1,7,83,32,182,34,150,89,29,165,0,9,6,3,62,66,0,18,89,719,239,15,0.0,0.04045146079833914,0.0,0.0,0.0820616107618009,0.0,0.0,0.03648630869535136,0.0,0.035359743403237144,0.0,0.1365125870312517,0.0852240536623821,0.036991721354935315,0.0,0.046434053939092716,0.0,0.0783532344188561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028095105227682902,0.03039269718891214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250458943673004,0.08551883921348119,0.12487209241380245,0.0,0.05810289329321434,0.03846517633097638,0.035828836477424866,0.06038981828036907,0.03727309138928422,0.03792291562780257,0.0,0.07622521615533911,0.034861742492720366,0.03904816874682609,0.0,0.03507217565586895,0.03611661407999299,0.0,0.03579615228350106,0.0,0.0,0.08177634752215855,0.11332898532967473,0.0,0.06605429411419643,0.0,0.08821668948044308,0.2079141651125732,0.035432931546408176,0.0,0.07825700753652802,0.10483417317943836,0.02987698857682425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03959268040527261,0.03493473053533492,0.028520395416460325,0.0,0.0,0.0352767433396744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629570659727134,0.032623155172905635,0.06136739590838412,0.06679282988982678,0.0,0.0768361548424855,0.12083888421170765,0.09756124897988383,0.3605874850043163,0.0,0.031204223529174555,0.0,0.0,0.07486761193690858,0.0,0.0,0.10702347069652796,0.06550224924615043,0.038806194420103884,0.028635821666919626,0.0,0.0,0.03761012207599987,0.0,0.060381485262007366,0.0,0.030583598705269676,0.0,0.03503847979783585,0.0,0.0,0.16182883181037525,0.0,0.03607180403190057,0.0,0.0,0.06724394677784476,0.0,0.03654860919361763,0.03854099387557037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030346058408531405,0.0,0.0,0.0750519260864752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03709425840910992,0.03491144987270125,0.07234431982428771,0.2168341628817572,0.0,0.03014709762019788,0.0,0.05733962402062912,0.0,0.0,0.08707628274901963,0.0,0.03230500661313608,0.09115743708772282,0.0,0.0342991882384578,0.0,0.0,0.03439343046428695,0.0,0.0,0.03447264219346273,0.0,0.02725099256967801,0.03628644277544025,0.025097537612855398,0.1012603719088854,0.2106529356894822,0.0329735567797037,0.036309303638919724,0.09611694874783007,0.2007053815451184,0.03275917674106316,0.03886971498077301,0.07165039935819599,0.0,0.06940440445499445,0.1038629694493989,0.07265678783529537,0.0,0.07581900272819825,0.0,0.06518282851934093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06533658540701226,0.07981792224995131,0.10296329898359947,0.0,0.0,0.034150204068197604,0.03885989262192507,0.06561472929851464,0.0,0.0,0.03665461955153016,0.07735011600978009,0.05831239519910265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03455247931778209,0.0544118577795874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683312424696706,0.13920965753330722,0.0,0.1051335314521507,0.1350651496199455,0.0,0.04833030155322842,0.07277945226153719,0.02726501878118167,0.0,0.0,0.03569154945615613,0.0,0.07468934889785295,0.0,0.032177455506770127,0.0,0.05133951362639176,0.0,0.05968141653465313,0.06286482724770527,0.0,0.1189208754719702,0.1587721809370495,0.04375230368945038,0.0,0.08131233797256626,0.11944722760882265,0.0,0.0,0.09786946551871692,0.03793186836644746,0.02317947418912833,0.03713556613664516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897366410323535,0.0,0.0,0.0402744514828555,0.0812985267486006,0.02738582280237174,0.0,0.03069682773440355,0.06329803326819013,0.0616138213191105,0.0,0.03926042488591696,0.03291067197363751,0.0,0.0745650874942023,0.0,0.0,0.21827485809890995,0.03732778573078127,0.0,0.2198566212908709 ptsd,Shutthe_frontdoor,2018/11/28,I don't know what to do. Everything is falling apart again and I feel so alone.,-0.002352941176472001,2.162502,1.6073529411764724,98.67808823529413,87.8235294117647,5.752941176470588,20.264705882352946,7.1686216300943375,0.3250235294117654,62,2,15,1,2,20,15,17,0.26,0.74,0.0,-0.4967,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,10,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6632976431909378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5755817938298429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32382324154580205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519663952478089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Polymelus,2018/11/28,"has anyone felt this before? i dont know if this is ptsd but ive asked a couple friends and theyve all said the same thing. i just want to get advice from a community that may have more experience than my friends, you know. i was in a bad car accident on dec 26th last year, was ejected through the windows, but luckily i walked away pretty much fine. the other day , i was driving and out of nowhere i had like, a vision of the car accident and could just *hear* the sound of my head going through the window. it scared me so much it pushed me into an anxiety attack and i bawled my eyes out and couldnt breathe. ive never had an issue when it comes to driving. I didn't react much after the accident, tbh I just kind of brushed it off. it seems weird that this is coming up a year later. im not sure what to do to move on. i dont like therapy because i will just cry (at this point anything makes me cry or i cry for no reason). ive been on prozac and wellbutrin with no good results, and ive been off meds for about 2 months now. i just dont know whats goin on lol",1.031856934913705,2.720173716157205,2.7301060511540847,94.91164483260557,80.39737991266375,5.7592846745685184,20.94843002703265,6.655083550727371,0.14242466209191118,827,23,195,8,21,273,134,229,0.221,0.669,0.109,-0.9817,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,0,10,12,1,1,14,1,24,4,3,4,3,40,38,13,0,4,10,0,1,2,2,2,1,3,2,0,15,13,0,0,6,0,0,10,9,4,0,0,10,6,24,8,30,24,6,34,0,0,1,0,6,14,0,4,12,132,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11498602359458575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001743260528561,0.0,0.0,0.08227778704755671,0.0,0.0968326040448456,0.0,0.11000581584956946,0.13386691678024207,0.1105550898404361,0.0,0.0982497583217725,0.0717307029282976,0.0,0.10012873086835836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20272503252981852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395013372939698,0.13019991293026106,0.3877657906318589,0.0758875879574851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4137260316517185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151041008272055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298191001918505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182351364540755,0.0,0.06147785813861693,0.0,0.06687472476640954,0.09869623760082734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076364238899777,0.0,0.1326229435540426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12710408128348732,0.12281718763676708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253547607452522,0.1940055051219516,0.09591697330234357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149754979494884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854581732052815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070514039558734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392328492610846,0.12506487222578525,0.2595035579121065,0.0,0.09075456448373236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11123643723537373,0.0,0.0,0.11971296533275395,0.0,0.0,0.13755024582175662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098463300649118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119313706691627,0.0,0.11780846557114645,0.0,0.0,0.10712259219993776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090283460435647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456620601972394,0.0,0.07817489714423452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940497253806384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15155158867402665 ptsd,no_next_time,2018/11/28,"Wondering if others relate. I know what I experience is trauma. I'm wondering if others can relate to the type of pain I'm experiencing on bad days. It feels like super high intensity suffering. In the past I've described it as feeling like I have 100 people within me suffering. Or like my thoughts are beating me. Or like the bad days there is a magnet in my trauma thoughts and I can't pull myself away. On good days I'm fine. I've has some years with barely any good days. I've had years with no bad days. This sounds like trauma right? And I don't care about anything except the trauma. ",1.7098642533936648,4.1405025462184915,3.4489075630252124,86.63964447317392,82.36134453781511,6.01447963800905,20.07821590174532,7.321109707123232,0.65510290885585,469,13,93,7,13,156,71,119,0.266,0.56,0.174,-0.9385,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,2,20,0,0,5,0,9,1,0,0,0,17,20,7,0,2,5,0,2,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,7,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,3,4,10,10,13,17,1,17,0,2,0,0,0,8,0,7,13,52,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016541470564544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121094875846593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838817474567344,0.0,0.3689546472164489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017671498288612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749643276689271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440824338545542,0.0,0.0,0.14895320411068202,0.2104546584730468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24708753247918164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15562488749207373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094928897194763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3598036355600924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673189539402632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406094126283028,0.10211556597505056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257888285020098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338710023579113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194695351152091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18970585403779985 ptsd,palemoon713,2018/11/28,"Any advice for PTSD surrounding an anniversary? November and December were the hardest months of my life growing up. I developed complex PTSD from it. Last November & early December, new stuff happened and it led me to attempt suicide. That one year anniversary is coming up really soon, and I've been noticing that my PTSD is the worse it's been in a year. Does anyone have any advice on how to cope with this? I'm seeing two therapists but I've only seen them a couple of times so far.",4.036595744680849,6.1388077127659555,5.186117021276598,78.80875,72.93617021276594,8.955319148936171,28.77127659574468,9.516144504307137,2.955451063829788,391,16,69,10,8,129,69,94,0.057,0.9279999999999999,0.015,-0.5873,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,5,0,6,1,0,2,0,9,11,6,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,2,5,0,11,7,0,17,0,0,2,0,1,6,0,0,8,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208496780776539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17787792136254288,0.0,0.22328220187082592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479134881742856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141775537609094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18165077303960195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436661077116623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517482147064129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338203072172718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595799241365873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310387766724921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15855622623306098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18690841765361493,0.0,0.0,0.11124571251501136,0.1248585388534204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5757171703799681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517138457727347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13082208403389178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1879351560302376,0.17957512712637386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906138036724592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09572873686930676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603700503001701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730306257764446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114399512138101 ptsd,ellie827,2018/11/28,"Was anyone else misdiagnosed before they were diagnosed with PTSD? My PTSD stems from a traumatic event from when I was 15. I didn't tell anyone for a long time, but I started seeing a psychiatrist shortly after it happened who diagnosed me with bipolar disorder. I only ended up being diagnosed with PTSD about a year ago by my current psychologist who basically told me there was no way my symptoms combined with my trauma matched up to bipolar disorder. I've also read that misdiagnoses are really common in people with PTSD. Anyone else have a similar experience?",8.531419141914192,9.337487900990102,9.20074257425743,59.079859735973606,61.07920792079207,12.277887788778875,38.615511551155116,11.855464076750405,5.310028382838285,462,22,66,14,6,156,70,101,0.161,0.8390000000000001,0.0,-0.9461,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,8,6,0,0,0,6,12,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,1,11,0,15,5,0,16,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,0,11,48,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11351225624527453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024048381983866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686152666577628,0.2624131693929647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896462948848087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38991672673801625,0.0,0.0,0.2935222446862522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21394558124578,0.0,0.11341794704793474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12526150676703196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323784060693574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113323871771953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739093306863672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877660736433199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5987536820664353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280887791411154,0.0,0.0820347520494831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020425590996358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063736938602884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330972678342949,0.0,0.0,0.11192495022972736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466939058231974,0.0,0.0,0.12236120491356092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164340469146302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246265864473508 ptsd,itsdanmurphy,2019/07/21,I got shot and I want to talk about it. Three weeks ago I was shot. I'm happy to be alive. I'm still figuring out how to deal with it. This is my first reddit post. I'm having a hard time. If you would like to know more I would like to talk about what happened.,-1.3294430992736077,0.5208805593220339,0.6971428571428575,105.07661016949152,90.86440677966101,4.049394673123486,11.818401937046005,5.288315135182226,-1.690997094430993,199,2,54,1,7,65,41,59,0.024,0.763,0.214,0.8807,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,4,3,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,10,13,3,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,6,3,9,8,1,7,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,7,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313966260697987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26912126196726777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22204089013721204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087779100850107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230837225217831,0.27788243397712736,0.23384098723859045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346101532514474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2550623756214436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500046116803201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20846725626738224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196288829452538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221479708853974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539684323287455,0.0,0.20939091904002413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708713200539933,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tsukiyouji,2019/07/21,"When they have PTSD and get triggered, display the behaviors they experienced... Trigger warning: violence, abuse, ptsd triggers, aggression, verbal/emotional abuse. First time poster. On mobile. I (31f) have a best friend (33m) roommate (PTSD, tourette's syndrome, autistic spectrum disorder, social anxiety disorder, chronic depression, generealized anxiety disorder as far as I know for sure) and casual FWB. He has done a lot for me emotionally and physically in some ways, offered me a place to live when I got my divorce (long story short, he has a disability and I put him up while he was waiting for a settlement to come through due to worker comp. He returned the favor when I got my divorce, even though I had other places to go we thought together we could make something long term and more permanent work between us. He hasn't been able to get disability officially and is talking to lawyers rn. He is without a job and does side work as he can manage, but his injury is spinal and prevents him from doing his past trades as a laborer. There is more, but it's too complicated to get into.) Other times, due to his PTSD he is emotionally unavailable and irritable with my depression or anxiety and says it's a lot to handle. (I get this after having done a lot of research). The thing is, hes also emulating his own childhood abuse a lot. We tried to get him mental help, but without insurance and disability, and due to transport issues, it's a lot to do on a single income. Mainly this happens when he triggers. I'm very physically affectionate to ppl I love which sets him off, and I've asked him to lay clearly defined boundaries but he lies and says it's okay until he blows up. Admittedly, after the divorce I was very codependant on him in extremely unhealthy ways which put a lot of pressure on him. I crossed lines he placed down, which was not okay, but I have since found a much better place mentally and am able to keep those lines fairly well. He also is a huge cuddler, on his terms only, somewhat infrequently but it makes it hard to read his state of mind. He expects me to read body language but I see no outward signs of his discomfort as he poked faces very well, and i'm sure it's due to survivability. Now, I also have a history of abuse physically, emotionally and sexually, including toxic behaviors. I took a hugely proactive stance to making strides in mental health, but this has been difficult. He has a violent past with some juvie behavior, including mutually physical altercations with his ex wife. He projects a lot of his past relationships on me and is very black and white when he is triggered, has gotten physically intimidating and physically aggressive with me on more than 1 occasion, verbally assaults me and more. I admit, when he is triggered, at times I push back due to his untrue statements. He claims this is the reason why he escalates, but I see him escalating even if I attempt to walk away. He wants me to physically leave where I live, but I refuse to just randomly go to a friends house whenever theres drama because it's not theirs to deal with. He triggers bad about once every 3 to 4 months. In between he is a doll, super helpful in fixing things, a little lazy in housework but cooks often, maintains the vehicle and more. He also complains about my negligence (1 car accident, a couple tickets and he let me borrow his car after I totaled mine. I accidentally gouged his utility bed in a minor accident, no major damage. He flipped out hard, said he couldn't trust me and said I should shoot myself. He did get physical with me, then began crying about it. I know he triggered, as these were things his ex did. Ik when he triggers, he doesn't know how to separate the past from the present.) I dont blame him for getting upset and I do try to downplay it only due to the force of his responses. I get defensive, feel it's so unfair when i'm the only one with an income, and attempt to take personal responsibility for everything financially. I also pay for things I have no responsibility for(his car insurance before I wrecked my vehicle, clothes for him, food and presents), do the majority of housework and pay for his medications and physical health needs as needed. I get defensive, and feel he is ungrateful when he does these things so I do bring it up in arguements I do all these things also to defend that i'm not selfish (which feeds into it). He says i'm justifying my mistakes, trying to rug sweep, or manipulate circumstances by throwing it in his face. I can see how its interpreted thatway, but I literally gave him a home after he got kicked out from the last place. He knows its fucked up he reacts in anger to the extreme, and I know its fucked up for me to be so defensive to the point i want it to just go away when I make a mistake because I cant stand the arguements and his explosions. I already feel guilt and try and handle the situation financially, but he says I need to be more preventative and he acts like i'm a negligent teenager hes having to raise. How do i work with his triggers so we can communicate like adults? Thanks for the reas, sorry for the long post.",6.341409432120379,7.048812234086245,7.149944120914268,72.24039367825767,65.77618069815195,10.534729188406773,34.65304473693069,10.4800032231911,3.7571820984953046,4092,182,735,101,61,1363,419,974,0.16699999999999998,0.7490000000000001,0.084,-0.9982,3,0,1,1,7,0,124.0,5,0,3,11,41,42,10,4,46,2,59,14,4,20,5,147,121,85,0,12,23,3,5,2,2,1,4,6,4,2,39,52,3,8,15,6,4,17,13,23,2,2,22,17,100,19,121,93,27,113,0,3,5,3,109,45,2,15,47,484,139,15,0.09634418751644963,0.2283042157777277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053159103337195805,0.2311392358461257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055455961666943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04503440490928304,0.0,0.09051853562842058,0.037041366614182884,0.040221686138417215,0.058730522475609476,0.0,0.04099090374589432,0.0,0.050553640417250266,0.04260430226547352,0.0,0.05350833654421376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041495993324025496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03846149706699816,0.053301505495608935,0.05291478300615003,0.0,0.04966331343519105,0.08298110753339717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656281786442214,0.0,0.0843114477476676,0.09859355381677068,0.05645733511760585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21674848676577144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06363442721094195,0.0,0.04058706663667185,0.0,0.043293971715355865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307177404087611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040975158342020535,0.058249886986218365,0.05281821438914806,0.07443528028311859,0.08906864888940293,0.22651137682941835,0.0,0.08213193302740639,0.0,0.11558287194889623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04259842341961547,0.0,0.08630546808774338,0.0,0.0,0.10240936607266797,0.0,0.0,0.06457747804396402,0.0,0.04832053775194595,0.0,0.0,0.055584128487878526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050279150380713324,0.04780336997903284,0.0428175703063197,0.0,0.0,0.13237061460216346,0.03926668585665998,0.0,0.05100729178871489,0.0,0.04925922962699138,0.0,0.04706890348765107,0.04828109320885096,0.08507368268436515,0.12789236126592615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866793402400767,0.04347719538090783,0.0,0.12862098658421378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852831650011289,0.14563842093276014,0.0,0.04864008237551618,0.0,0.03845050564923275,0.0,0.0354120316644426,0.10715699140602013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05130170768544549,0.032642657434158555,0.10991114406243224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839428571130025,0.0,0.042062014185407365,0.25164792534916786,0.0,0.04553819919825152,0.0,0.046135549823755964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252423989720412,0.09685251889718134,0.0,0.0,0.09637025962186434,0.0,0.0,0.04952893543434101,0.0,0.0517188007935096,0.0,0.0,0.09164538492508892,0.1532335297712318,0.0,0.0,0.11516076558990422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03984845375348499,0.05414745171585335,0.0,0.04910538313169625,0.0,0.03708523125064718,0.0,0.05392471505492825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080325654762886,0.0,0.03621941941514687,0.0387189042363809,0.0,0.044350391807664216,0.0,0.0,0.192020391533624,0.0,0.047328837534376736,0.0382432615689421,0.08426860578041125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053520968646584385,0.13082275825021142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057945097517680635,0.0,0.0,0.15898808936127026,0.05682629798902709,0.07647353159775938,0.0,0.0,0.08662499504906321,0.0,0.043467821926921967,0.0,0.0,0.0928723587155084,0.0,0.10520957394856592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ConfusedRubberBanana,2019/07/21,"Is it common that people around you think that you are lying about your trauma? (Mentioning suicide) I get told that I can't have issues I have since apparently nothing bad ever happened to me. I told these people (my family) about it but they think I lied although I have no history of being a liar. Now I have to live with them thinking I would lie about such a thing to get attention. I deeply regret opening up to these people but I was going to commit suicide and it failed. I wanted them to know why I did it because I thought I was going to die. They just didn't believe anything and I survived my attempt. Now I was diagnosed with PTSD. I am going to get therapy. I deeply regret telling these people anything.",2.5125227963525845,4.8642580283687975,3.9038145896656538,85.01250000000002,78.64539007092198,6.014387031408307,24.965045592705174,7.1686216300943375,1.2893683890577503,566,21,104,7,14,186,79,141,0.247,0.693,0.06,-0.9844,1,0,0,0,0,3,14.0,0,3,4,3,9,6,1,0,2,0,15,1,0,0,2,21,30,5,3,4,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,6,0,0,3,3,6,0,0,8,0,28,0,16,20,0,10,0,3,0,0,11,3,0,0,4,83,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437926241357225,0.1318648807719446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12368027607143785,0.09029714975903554,0.0,0.0,0.16688896872918765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034629548755535,0.1537329597542978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339898051424561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964142496249218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23217151665542105,0.0,0.2525528173073801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098865996355696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460662634390174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140700069808522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079929723242376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14213233226050426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4107718328939042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315312187550716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253259956060335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32405488812432964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294699648854115,0.0,0.1693967068692244,0.0,0.0984093297104077,0.28474236460389285,0.0,0.11759668981657215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2830843502003666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08736943795958474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366202992198495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052255267471381,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,quinnmintt,2019/07/21,i’m 14 and i think i have ptsd tw: rape so last week this guy beat me and raped me and i’m pretty sure i have ptsd from it. every time i see someone who looks similar to him i can’t breathe and suddenly i’m back in the park and my mind goes insane. i have nightmares every night and haven’t slept because i keep thinking he’s going to come find me and hurt me again. i don’t know if this qualifies as ptsd or not.,-1.1966129032258053,0.8029004408602171,1.1357258064516138,100.72358870967743,92.9784946236559,4.390322580645162,16.352150537634408,5.985473137389443,-0.6873720430107529,323,8,81,3,12,108,62,93,0.166,0.775,0.059000000000000004,-0.8979,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,2,0,1,0,6,4,2,0,1,18,18,11,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,3,0,0,1,2,14,1,5,17,0,10,0,1,2,2,4,1,0,2,7,43,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948238660723553,0.0,0.11057736512414856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625665877178566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3056680375125396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657927284745182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309157105938474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961063567443372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941882525771992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16123316823742187,0.0,0.0,0.09969054022054807,0.14786201369110405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232701924460615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831583279627652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022793053050655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845450237804974,0.0,0.0,0.6361269219828801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454918825669416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369630772659212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096365621298162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324625638877928,0.0,0.0,0.10577351147924008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455049916457573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,marcilynette,2019/07/21,"Trouble navigating relationship with veteran I [F28] have been dating a 9x combat veteran [M36] for about 2 months now. Well call him A. Things have been going well for the most part, with the exception of a small misunderstanding that resulted in him going silent for about 2 weeks. We spoke and moved past that but last night marked our newest miscommunication. Early in the relationship, A expressed to me that sometimes he has a hard time with seeing blood. That it makes him uncomfortable but he’s good for the most part. We planned to spend this weekend together, sort of a little stay-cation. Yesterday, we arrived at our accommodations, ate a nice meal and I changed into something sexy for him. Things were going great. We had been very excited, this would have been our first time waking up together. Eventually, we were intimate with each other (not the first time). During sex, I started to bleed a bit. A mild-moderate amount, but enough for him to notice. He immediately went to the bathroom and spent about 5 minutes cleaning himself off. He was very uncomfortable with it. Once we sat back down, he didn’t even touch me. He’s very well endowed, over 8 easily so I suspect that has something to do with it. We discussed this, and that that is most likely what caused the bleeding. He was unable to move on from it. He explained to me that he was having severe anxiety over it, and that he wasn’t trying to be a jerk but that the smell/sight of blood is hard for him as he’s seen so much of it in his life. He shared briefly that he’s smelled blood burning, and seen wounds. I was open and listening at assured him that I want to be there for him and whatever he needs I want to try to do. Eventually, he said he needed to leave to go get his medicine(I’m assuming for anxiety). He kissed me, hugged me and damn near ran out of the hotel room. I’m struggling with a few feelings at the moment. I feel resentful that he left me, on a weekend we planned together, alone in a hotel room at 10pm and didn’t care enough to text me and check on me last night or make sure I was safe this morning. I feel self conscious that after sex, he sat away from me on the bed as if he was repulsed by me. I’m also empathetic to him, and I want to be there for him and his support system but I’m being shut out. I don’t know what to do. I called once when I woke up, then sent a cute little “sending you smiles” gif.... nothing in return from a man who texts me Goodmorning every day. At this point, I suppose the only option is to step back and let him reach out to me when he’s ready, but I’m a communicator and this is 100% opposite of my nature. Any advice would be welcomed. Thanks for reading.",3.90063909774436,5.295050154135339,4.724067669172932,84.88211654135341,71.89473684210526,7.801203007518798,26.269924812030077,8.317959484511023,1.5636096240601507,2110,69,434,33,40,682,256,532,0.08199999999999999,0.768,0.15,0.9909,1,1,2,0,0,0,72.0,11,1,0,4,17,24,3,1,28,0,38,14,4,4,2,73,77,31,0,8,10,0,6,1,0,2,4,3,4,2,32,36,2,1,8,5,3,11,5,5,3,2,28,13,55,19,81,41,12,76,0,0,3,4,65,35,1,8,30,285,87,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08835276867319475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364296595120666,0.0,0.07230506960131576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148549329683312,0.0,0.13833488890043133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494813519906992,0.13904754411921666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871007230056476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464822711053272,0.0,0.09218440745795907,0.09288140225804367,0.09564738137370167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831037803006615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868463149042061,0.0,0.059718442068270025,0.0,0.0761787759832725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371500521383002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538143880245621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04723825390984705,0.0,0.20554035708556712,0.0758360501308018,0.0,0.09968316932513067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16198866940650625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968987528374474,0.14740104734631404,0.0,0.09573673035969256,0.09823647014563844,0.09245575326876744,0.06386298868002889,0.04417234049780135,0.1812397341601109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070580773252172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216861672998802,0.1921942750862768,0.06646563673662258,0.1340835742320769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969723745417836,0.0,0.086755903094933,0.10293839960796798,0.0,0.19257865232358395,0.0,0.06876489742040147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582188239309295,0.08631161886600652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854716677718916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043975122546337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414435514846728,0.0,0.0,0.08600563956254423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07204927489560536,0.0,0.09432285959962396,0.10214353474192164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921220515987345,0.08942302735925177,0.0,0.06399640307268445,0.0963706621447183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452168564556544,0.0,0.0,0.10260219232072484,0.08521533473970537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324224543080846,0.0,0.0,0.1201357936819822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816563684275778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277208505199178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238062339885422,0.15998783047873985,0.0,0.07252568671054044,0.0,0.2438825950936889,0.08381587369733043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845684660765594,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rachaellefler,2019/07/21,"If I'm triggered by a movie, should I keep watching it? Hi, I have C-PTSD from being bullied as a child. The movie *A Silent Voice* on Netflix, depicts bullying very similar to what happened to me as a child. 30 minutes into the movie, I can't really bring myself to care about the protagonist, because he was the main bully. The movie focuses on him and his redemption arc. It shows how he goes on to be excluded and hates himself for what he did. But what I kind of hate is they don't show the feelings (much) of the little girl he was mean to. What she feels doesn't seem to matter as much, she's just a plot catalyst in *his* story. I found myself hating him. Seeing him reminded me of many people like him I knew as a kid. And I hate them. And I started feeling physical sensations like I was being scratched on my arms and face. I keep having a visceral reaction to this main character. So my question is, would it be better if I didn't or did continue to watch the movie? &#x200B; On the one hand, if I continue it, maybe the happy ending will give me a sense of closure. On the other hand, the movie could also anger me or hurt me even more. I think this is why I like SFF fiction, if something is too realistic, taking place in a world too similar to my own, I am more likely to be triggered by any bullying. I was also very upset by the main character's suicide attempts. Where I paused it was a scene where his mother was trying to make him stop trying to kill himself. I want to say, fuck you, I'm the one who should be suicidal, I was the victim, why is this movie trying to make me feel sorry for this scumfuck? People like him are the reason I'm traumatized. Kids who think it's just okay to hurt whoever they feel like hurting.",3.749490084985837,4.7237162776203965,5.093003966005668,83.69753427762043,71.77620396600567,8.254232294617564,27.151161473087818,8.608573733854374,1.870793178470255,1358,46,277,23,25,454,177,353,0.19399999999999998,0.72,0.086,-0.9925,0,0,1,0,0,1,50.0,0,1,3,2,12,23,8,1,26,1,33,5,4,6,0,42,64,20,3,9,9,1,8,6,0,4,0,2,0,5,17,6,0,3,13,3,0,1,4,12,0,2,12,13,47,11,39,41,8,20,0,3,3,1,33,14,1,8,11,195,64,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744623137849115,0.0,0.10666062460241284,0.11961641297118294,0.06694315666530867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060008631140606165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706293599596182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036701178869213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859701202445489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718937819514049,0.0,0.0,0.0650192559061776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24887326897921494,0.07032616604497098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10793531578405906,0.0,0.09100698362790914,0.0,0.09443343755784983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705092243034862,0.10479211999742424,0.0,0.3887598537447311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31614891187706085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17499750893011246,0.10891022015553077,0.10251100135941846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885593740893005,0.09866359743822783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142006942094453,0.0998035754474712,0.09889706958396392,0.10723094935506046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447307094517006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334121412067522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13649298714777228,0.0,0.10284974076876913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507209086001073,0.0,0.1102762861636586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306373204378328,0.1012135936131198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828411853677722,0.0,0.0,0.07844461576771353,0.08961685665589231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07578457909372015,0.0,0.11019647701712022,0.06967694340888722,0.0,0.0,0.08230096215894228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153566342089046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401527138509942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615384925007336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005046349083793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624480288625457,0.05806296643326956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765511918144358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699295585519093,0.0,0.11961641297118294,0.0 ptsd,peekab0owh00,2019/07/21,"Trying to cope- a vent session .... my morning Trying hard to not disconnect from my grounding... currently living in the place where my trauma happened. I moved away for a while but needed to move back so I could take time off work its hard for me to keep my routine up when the people im living with scream, slam doors, and project their anger. A lot of the time the people I live with, who are my support system, cant communicate without screaming/ moving to anger. This really throws me off... I blame myself for their emotions and I stop taking care of myself, I lose touch with reality and fall into flashbacks. Its like walking on egg shells here , but i feel like that in most realms of my life. Today I got up at 8:30 am, ate food, talked to my sister, drank water, took my meds& vitamins, ate more food, went for a bike ride. Came back to family member screaming about the possibility of a bike scratching her car, even though this didnt happen, she was mad about the possibility of it happening... i couldnt handle it. I needed to shower but ran away to a park instead. after 30 minutes of deep breathing I came back to the house to shower, even if the family member was still angry and even if my head is telling me I dont need to shower and to just go to sleep. i wont do that!!! i deserve to be clean, even if its hard and im crying the whole time..... probably going to run away to a beach this afternoon to be alone / get away. thanks for reading, sorry if this upsets/ triggers anyone, hope it helps someone know theyre not alone, also trying to stay out of my paranoid head. ok thanks have a good day",6.0211635220125785,5.766496839622643,6.402515723270444,80.62597484276729,66.45283018867924,8.827672955974844,28.67295597484277,8.167268648758528,1.7977974842767301,1257,35,249,14,18,407,182,318,0.165,0.725,0.111,-0.9471,4,2,0,0,0,0,58.0,0,0,2,2,18,18,3,1,17,1,15,13,4,1,0,37,43,18,0,10,11,1,6,2,0,1,2,3,5,0,13,13,7,2,2,4,0,16,8,9,0,0,12,9,33,9,53,26,4,51,0,1,0,0,9,18,0,7,17,167,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701733769302501,0.0,0.065698462977155,0.0,0.08901374183693721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574439335161923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30874526204745645,0.18951388844001146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18792440495994409,0.08376140032562092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559322302469632,0.0,0.09024222736259452,0.052982484261691394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962837865436778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241210637177567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170475667561888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489481521162746,0.0,0.04153949219331561,0.058690779395332876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986817009017992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04292203427386035,0.0,0.09337993597651982,0.06890681330263856,0.06570599756229219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21794532981875145,0.0,0.22078133646236656,0.0,0.1686272539283812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05506604322150429,0.0,0.0,0.08159738299452067,0.0,0.09479459757345716,0.0,0.0,0.1774806702242769,0.0,0.0,0.07302218199114016,0.0,0.0,0.045149647869354194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580277457796541,0.08027251457776834,0.0,0.21763025885838214,0.0,0.0,0.091909226286518,0.0,0.0698443279454406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261949857785915,0.0,0.18274828001902133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11391037288421565,0.0,0.08583336453272587,0.0,0.0,0.18523240988520848,0.0,0.0,0.0885758246336121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217615556297163,0.0,0.052629907094057286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221325412558722,0.0,0.06960875281971048,0.0,0.0,0.0919645913673004,0.0,0.08756515157110745,0.06560822946520037,0.06868435869240072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322729887027746,0.0,0.0,0.1235390526470824,0.06603221180976797,0.07180615025866532,0.15127259014412733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071581276423488,0.0,0.14371384044948035,0.0,0.07787231351405853,0.0,0.09127603189282683,0.16733136408466226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761575101907067,0.0,0.09172192175170353,0.0,0.07919345062731582,0.0,0.05980903478891528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,uwzerokool,2019/07/21,"A small light on a dark day... Hey everyone, I feel like I just needed to share this with you all. It's a big pick me up and helps me work to maintain a goal oriented personality. I hope it helps someone today. https://youtu.be/TBuIGBCF9jc",2.1020000000000003,4.949599533333334,3.3305555555555566,84.5425,87.0,6.555555555555558,20.833333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.1396666666666673,189,6,37,4,6,61,36,45,0.0,0.7140000000000001,0.28600000000000003,0.8957,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,1,8,3,1,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,3,5,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,3,21,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022384391397115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3262950605614825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266058344607949,0.2439506040695889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4577684824092247,0.0,0.0,0.3391628306369677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16682798067415575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532002117006235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981637713944284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893316032577583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323679428315134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24859867795068294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,greenspoon43,2019/07/21,Putting myself to sleep is the only way to cope. I recently got into a major car accident. I could have killed myself and my best friend. It’s been two days now and I still feel the same. I’m having flashbacks and my chest hurts from thinking about it. I wish it were all a dream. I wish it were all a dream. I don’t know what to do I’m at a loss for words. Not only I’m traumatized myself but I also did that to my best friend. Someone please help me. It’s the first accident I’ve been in and the worst part is I have diagnosed anxiety disorder which caused me to fled the scene. I only called the police less than an hour after I drove away. They told me this is not looking good. I’ve been on r/legaladvice for legal help if you want to read the rest of the story there in full but as of right now there nothing much for me to do but to try and work my way through this trauma. If someone can help me please. I beg of you it’s too painful.,0.6520443349753684,2.5153791674876897,2.319238916256157,96.51304556650247,82.44827586206897,5.636354679802957,18.524384236453198,6.742157984588678,-0.13205793103448205,733,17,174,8,20,240,114,203,0.154,0.6609999999999999,0.185,0.4845,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,1,5,8,11,1,0,13,0,17,4,2,1,2,25,31,12,1,6,7,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,3,3,0,4,3,6,0,2,10,2,26,5,26,20,12,22,0,2,1,0,10,8,0,2,8,125,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450901858444887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997392682621638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278317812548405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2742924018003677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344434287308285,0.0,0.0,0.1342498423452028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043416094298214,0.0,0.0,0.08428123248911898,0.0,0.0,0.13264286843592002,0.0,0.0,0.14977672082952415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607843418086283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116088280704778,0.0,0.0,0.20193433785406786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961266224058704,0.10452100413270138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627868845155196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12869873460622072,0.0,0.1399013585676577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14458396523837916,0.0,0.07182124473597527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974277102787199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606876119801858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125396107615309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29817626822403404,0.13905841496555404,0.0,0.0,0.14151948721648905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869065168555424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137486148108515,0.0,0.0,0.13072070456070606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903600651447175,0.0,0.0,0.11160456566857847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130779718641008,0.0,0.22145852771639546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10436548073971902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373788854991153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487544205238894,0.0,0.08872676694108776,0.0,0.1276605871266379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708159903116953,0.2074638787926746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005633812431042,0.0,0.0,0.0951404834302772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,myformoftherapy,2019/07/21,"Looking for insight Hello, I'm writing on my throwaway full disclosure and on mobile so apologies for errors. I was looking for some insight into PTSD. I, and a few people close to me, think I may be having PTSD symptoms from when my mom died, but seeing my brother in law struggle with his ptsd from his time serving, I'm not entirely sure. I just want to know if I'm having symptoms of maybe minor ptsd, and how I can manage them. My mom died about 3 years ago, it was very sudden and she was my best friend, so devastated doesn't come close to describing how it crushed me. Basically she had a lung disease that already caused struggles, but she caught bilateral pneumonia on a plane ride, didn't go to the ER when she should have, coughed a hole in her long, and was on a ventilator for about a week before we took her off of it. She lived a state away so on a Thursday night, my husband drove 13 hours straight (after a full work day, bless him ❤) to take me to her. She was completely sedated, I didn't get to have a final conversation with her, the dr just said that her low oxygen levels could have caused brain damage and that if she survived her quality of life (which was already low) would be even more diminished. My sister and I signed a DNR on friday and took her off the vent on Saturday, she passed within minutes. My sister, her husband, myself and my husband stood at her bed side as her heart stopped. (I made the decision myself because although I'm agnostic, if there was any chance her 'soul' left her body when it died, I wanted her to see us standing with her, and that she wasnt alone) Within minutes of her heart stopping I went thru what I believe is fight or flight. I looked at my husband and said get me out of here, and he took me to sit in the car. Everything in my body at that moment was screaming to run and get as far as from that room as I could. Long story short, since she has passed I have continually struggled with depression, anxiety, and I've struggled with anorexia off and on (I believe) because of these things. I don't have any nightmares, honestly it feels like I dream less now than before. But I think I'm experiencing flashbacks, but not like vivid real flashbacks, it's more like emotional/mental ones. Where I feel like I'm standing next to her in the hospital again and it's like my mind replays that entire sequence of events which causes me to have a breakdown, but I'm not hallucinating or like reliving it as if it were really happening, but it's like my mind replays it. It happens randomly, recently I was just washing the dishes and my mind seemed to hyper focus on it and so I called my husband to try and distract me from a complete breakdown. I definitely went into the deepest depression of my life and had to claw my way to some sense of normalcy, but those mental flashbacks come back occasionally and it really can mess with me emotionally for a few days. I haven't spoken with a professional, I know this probably sounds dumb, but I tend to have different reactions to medications than most, so I've been fearful of going to someone and getting put on medication that will not only possibly make it worse, but also numb me out to where I'm a zombie, and I dont know that I want to start experimenting with drugs to find one that works. I'm a licensed medical marijuana patient and it helps tremendously with keeping my anxiety and depression from crushing me, and allows me to at least eat a full dinner in the evening. So I guess I know that was a terrible traumatic experience for me, but is what I described like a PTSD flashback? Or is it possible that because of my underlining depression, that it's easy for my mind to go back to that time? I appreciate anyone who took the time to read this and would appreciate any advice, feedback, thoughts etc on how I can work through this or if there is another community I'm not aware of that could help. Thanks again!",8.672596046251401,6.765855159268932,8.62741290563223,72.18914621409924,62.02872062663185,11.835225662066396,38.33480044759417,10.546247564933571,3.851053830660201,3116,126,599,59,35,1018,336,766,0.139,0.76,0.10099999999999999,-0.9873,1,1,1,0,1,0,77.0,2,0,1,5,30,33,2,6,30,0,48,21,6,9,1,122,106,65,3,14,27,10,2,8,1,5,12,4,2,0,44,45,3,3,14,2,0,19,12,19,1,2,30,13,98,14,102,66,14,104,3,7,6,0,55,47,1,16,41,418,142,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414597294768846,0.04911758749760384,0.0,0.0,0.057388009196294124,0.12229254042779902,0.04431132607847015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113042021434773,0.05810217576679786,0.08477693754940259,0.0,0.0,0.03874393332688867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0520594826796966,0.08521368006213705,0.0,0.10133219444046827,0.0,0.09429959195736187,0.12485610361171676,0.058149335921672415,0.0,0.0,0.12309595157296195,0.0,0.061855842049346375,0.05657976575101267,0.0,0.0,0.17076388107121734,0.0,0.09546155075229223,0.11619258052927145,0.0,0.0,0.13272103618295325,0.0,0.0,0.07146968224762221,0.0,0.1908980740965753,0.0,0.1725203753529593,0.05789161620941336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494006203905073,0.0,0.06425796367616476,0.05669822358066993,0.0,0.0623287485502046,0.0,0.0,0.061796753875335786,0.07319551378558355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497989004131257,0.1084031490910924,0.0,0.062351611413344624,0.056033882690744836,0.07916977493036538,0.0,0.060698904249552,0.05064370084460358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04280959869439934,0.0,0.1157976713897643,0.0,0.09447227388746632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06104031940949065,0.0,0.09799769166833784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313221419942365,0.07428025821205814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05456765045032511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925091958842232,0.0,0.0,0.12180746266546487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06020308514220792,0.0,0.07827538874798101,0.21656406603187006,0.0,0.0489280110361634,0.0980721443030582,0.13959123655461794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243024519321799,0.036986579471486765,0.0,0.05566675378854244,0.0,0.0,0.16745911993206708,0.055840208486292786,0.0,0.22379306146637745,0.12979095410963254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589291225159343,0.05199849516022621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509444767373323,0.04214177248081249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03841429044046092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493281186164736,0.0,0.0,0.059741310072568436,0.0,0.3238563982120093,0.05570231549823822,0.0,0.0,0.05542495607990262,0.06306866680910009,0.07099408019744059,0.0,0.05471065213291716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541512400878512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830913049998379,0.05044314776719703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583569262560859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04694868044603055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039219455842295824,0.0,0.0,0.09265041757728408,0.0,0.2317060896128967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222323282942192,0.1151843318913,0.041661395086013416,0.0,0.0,0.05101404785483359,0.0,0.0,0.03681191621065292,0.07100893176332737,0.0,0.0439893199650558,0.0969299821878713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24625002345995745,0.037619726556306916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665136106439377,0.0,0.0,0.04571902112047856,0.0980466924936262,0.04398184820412401,0.04444652872358545,0.0,0.0,0.1027311786139735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101733539299404,0.0,0.05646748442865576,0.0787232935177243,0.0,0.0,0.0356821984272419 ptsd,algorthin,2019/07/21,"Hyper vigilance is getting bad and I'm skipping every other night's sleep. I don't know what to do with myself. I just lay awake in the dark, becoming more and more panicked until I just get up and decide to stay up. And then the next night I'm exhausted enough that I fall asleep instantly. And now I'm on a no-sleep night. It's about 5am. I recently ended the best relationships I've had because he wouldn't answer the phone when I tried to call him when I was hospitalized despite me telling him what time I would call. After several days of that I had to end it. I couldn't deal with trying to beat my eating disorder and its medical consequences and also feeling as if I had alienated him so much that he didn't even want to talk to me when I was sick. I think we were on different life paths anyway. But it's opened me up to some old fears. And I don't know how to handle myself anymore. I really can't keep going like this without regular sleep. It screws everything up.",3.37387788778878,4.560955034653472,4.850118811881189,84.27524422442245,72.91089108910893,8.554983498349836,25.34785478547855,9.029198982220553,1.827814785478548,775,24,162,16,15,260,124,202,0.125,0.845,0.03,-0.9431,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,2,12,6,1,1,5,0,15,9,3,1,0,30,27,19,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,12,12,1,1,6,0,0,2,7,4,0,0,7,1,25,2,24,17,6,28,0,0,0,1,13,8,1,2,18,109,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10554472146422532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088914626582393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019816635009164,0.08045405982387904,0.14576204238087512,0.0,0.0,0.13850534403583528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695335998803817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511647442691933,0.1360660529395521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789148393157993,0.1512610346541848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504895350549578,0.0,0.0,0.2337910169249626,0.13637108968928024,0.0,0.08717184519878174,0.0,0.11119922485343683,0.0,0.11861552200040842,0.0,0.0,0.14851470361805694,0.06673328316422532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379086799545915,0.0,0.07500753355840357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731029174373245,0.0,0.0,0.14506601197765795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322169785981324,0.0644789832852678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295642246239706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702081963256357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14036271022585087,0.3715641467280428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384912850807316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455005845208098,0.0,0.1303147761876737,0.14169761540222442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910034639550862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962273064304387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406736035173136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608088967853188,0.1153567341614136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456774585306343,0.0,0.0,0.07695886414709019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921212982497225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784549132654925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272244480233483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375512789168967,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,saltwaterwild,2019/07/21,"Online resources for chat I’m just wondering if anyone knows of some good online chat options especially for dealing with PTSD, panic attacks and anxiety Even a good subreddit/chat groups etc",6.763636363636363,9.839634454545457,6.578787878787877,67.48818181818183,68.0909090909091,9.248484848484848,35.24242424242424,9.725611199111238,4.37298787878788,159,8,21,4,3,50,28,33,0.204,0.6459999999999999,0.15,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,4,0,11,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21950046231415,0.0,0.0,0.20062794252658386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264239966793679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29581195828217915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3200025015587634,0.18951438421439584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.481326097735801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15768907878279165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33665022217152063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33540550619444937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111630585720262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aajohn390,2019/07/21,I can’t cry anymore Anyone else feel so numb that the emotions you know you feel just don’t work anymore? I can’t remember the last time I cried. I feel like a zombie.,0.33999999999999986,2.4711741111111145,2.0144444444444467,96.65000000000002,85.66666666666667,4.711111111111111,20.11111111111111,5.985473137389443,-0.1165888888888884,132,4,30,1,4,43,25,36,0.25,0.68,0.071,-0.7443,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,7,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,15,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4619932157999575,0.16286488133207533,0.23865670532202354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5117090265557197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19457692484122735,0.2620065482396653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533179599244543,0.16639993531803499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800815668994206,0.18986298775377566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379420559048545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638558738321154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581902757398367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16957040991520742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ThekidAintAlright,2019/07/21,"I want to ask my dying elderly stepdad who molested me (once when I was 12) why he did it before he dies but he’s so senile it’s possible he won’t remember. He came around wanting to reconcile with us after decades. Our phone convos were going ok until my flashbacks hit. He only recently came back int my life. My mom and him broke up in 1999. He missed us kids supposedly and especially my step brother who is his biological son. Anyhow My mom confronted him but he acted shocked/confused as to why she would say that and denied everything anyhow. He did tell her he missed me and wanted to talk again. I also had always assumed he may have been truly sleeping when he molested me. So not knowing how to process it, I repressed it and called him He did however ask me to explain why I told my mom what I had said but I said I didn’t want to talk about it. So we let it go and had cheerful normal conversations. Then the event started coming back to me. I had to stop talking to him. I stopped calling. It made him sad not hearing from me without reason or so I heard. Then he had a suspected heart attack and was in ICU. His eldest daughter called me guilt tripping me for never calling him. He was ok after all but I called him and told him I loved him and was happy he was ok as I felt bad. PTSD of the molestation event hit afterwards and I blocked him for now until I can figure out what to do. My therapist strongly believes he was awake when he did what he did to me. I feel bad being hot/cold with him. He seems confused if anything. I don’t see him as a complete monster. I wasn’t raped or repeatedly touched. Tbh I would personally feel terrible if he dies without at least knowing from me why I am this way with him. But I don’t know if I can even fathom how to face this head on and what to sAy... IDK...",1.5633979947689625,3.6851616155914013,3.4300058122638792,88.37852223190933,80.69354838709677,6.279686137750655,24.570183086312127,7.432916251226849,1.1791829991281606,1419,54,296,21,37,476,187,372,0.175,0.746,0.079,-0.9908,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,4,0,0,1,17,23,6,3,4,3,34,7,4,4,2,68,67,38,3,10,14,6,4,0,0,4,1,6,0,2,16,20,0,4,14,0,0,8,10,16,0,0,29,11,62,7,39,30,2,38,0,4,1,2,75,7,0,11,22,198,78,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541481689881773,0.06806351447068981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731379882945006,0.07281865961630184,0.15294248112418932,0.09305843620492417,0.0,0.12579712168098536,0.13659788522574431,0.0,0.0,0.0696051222953721,0.09215972392697852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4176308118409932,0.18711306146612006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046279603864641,0.08576493927154709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546840675687305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402762178251815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351587597532681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272029976836692,0.0,0.07854009129896243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297677810288224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707680434206826,0.0,0.0,0.08394961190881403,0.0,0.09219368032725686,0.09693248468913918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486415729909348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364525758244529,0.057777217201369475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382700123685335,0.07740041187665771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874068184001952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308861108065489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014588050023327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711351326974645,0.0,0.06221200254179258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142393491771205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922163443959186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09561892574838783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410323493812198,0.08076687403468583,0.0,0.09266258492932468,0.0,0.15561960441421566,0.13010006617073466,0.0,0.0,0.06518339794119835,0.0744669493561932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185830720501501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05789791797816635,0.0,0.0,0.1367756426581375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19724137441975992,0.07149613489455475,0.0,0.0,0.09497521392984752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632534469578238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19678881071459173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19298922734855115,0.06492842353779764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29524433809926964,0.0,0.0,0.15770308276992082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621565606080847,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chronicRose,2019/09/02,"Aunt has PTSD from finding her fiance dead. How can I help her? This was maybe 2 years ago, there are reasons I won't go into on the post on why, but he committed suicide and my aunt found him. I know she's got PTSD, and she admitted it. I'm the only one in our family to really reach out to her because she's become a bit of a recluse and black sheep. (If you see my posts you'll understand). How can I help her? What are the right things to tell her? My family has basically excluded her from a lot of things. Someone even told her to move away since she never comes to visit anyways. (well duh) But she is my aunt and I love her. She's always been there for me.",0.6752887537993892,2.5706991276595765,2.648495440729484,94.01250000000002,82.54609929078015,6.298074974670719,18.58206686930091,7.447530270364453,0.22766626139817656,511,12,120,8,14,171,92,141,0.08199999999999999,0.7979999999999999,0.12,0.5543,0,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,1,2,0,0,7,2,0,0,6,1,11,1,0,3,2,21,22,9,2,1,3,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,6,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,5,2,28,2,16,15,2,16,0,0,2,1,29,7,0,2,3,82,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774485955026022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292978669411444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459950802820647,0.0,0.0,0.09472498957597003,0.17161729284172733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696468662484206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13385569783395826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263437477050552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2929778527726357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202467619741355,0.0,0.0,0.17037835171690188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831235925188435,0.0,0.1242804806202405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20831079570583866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539890033201722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210798051468226,0.14024656024333004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611127445124948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651561776795862,0.0,0.0,0.1198472177707025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10529705014855792,0.11818195533019042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29764349383759353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3632878271013827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954753586150203,0.15976796033698687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270317459918615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382661076665545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128541147168748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316623988184275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16997267345389092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13581869535084207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20646992193823446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14848288231360668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617676448125996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13971528614356696,0.0,0.14021632382472948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006679198249968 ptsd,DommyTrulock,2019/09/02,"How can I deal with the ptsd that was caused by my brother commiting suicide Hello everyone this is my first post and I'm nervous talking about this. Anyway back in 2015 my brother killed himself, and I was really close to him. In the present day I see stuff that reminds me of him and I get flashbacks where I see him and hear him. I was wondering if anyone can help me, thank you",1.794318181818184,4.110064974025978,2.875438311688317,91.59030032467535,81.07792207792205,5.927922077922077,25.209415584415584,7.1686216300943375,1.1278064935064929,301,12,62,4,8,96,53,77,0.13699999999999998,0.8,0.064,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,1,5.0,0,1,0,1,5,3,1,1,2,0,6,0,0,2,1,11,13,6,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,3,17,1,7,10,0,9,0,0,2,0,13,4,0,2,4,47,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092974170941035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697500414846626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23643260517912196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843094797736053,0.23727972006989084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199229851713552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19576974286868146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202464989168567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594014352690053,0.0,0.15426805878636354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25463242988798274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22042488892201728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690389025578263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474431995930338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36680750614656976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634724343745312,0.2517522367634571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849898873664636,0.0,0.21189582058082554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495933019841997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TossRecall,2019/09/02,"Questions about using exposure to cope/recover. I’m 18, and my diagnosis was given at age 7. My father (the cause) has been physically out of my life since I was 6, and entirely out of my life since I was 13. Between 6 and 13 the only contact we had was phone calls on my birthday, which always ended with me performing poorly in school and dealing with night terrors for about a month, as well as vomiting at dinner the same night. Speaking to people I’m unfamiliar with on the phone is a trigger that I need to handle, seeing as I’m an adult now and I have to do that sort of thing for work and appointments and stuff. I always get tremors and an increased heart rate whenever I do it, such as earlier today when I called my doctor to ask a question and when I called my local grocery store to check on the progress of my application. I think exposure would be the best way to tackle this, and I’m fully willing to try that. Problem is, I feel like I can’t just call random people and strike up a conversation or anything. What do you guys recommend I do? TL;DR: talking on the phone triggers my PTSD. I feel like exposure (just doing it often) might be the best way to handle that. How should I go about it?",4.602706611570248,5.300775004132233,5.8145351239669445,80.3145299586777,69.6198347107438,8.694628099173555,29.174586776859503,8.841846274778883,2.2286520661157025,949,34,187,16,16,318,137,242,0.033,0.8690000000000001,0.098,0.9378,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,1,0,5,12,7,0,1,14,0,22,6,1,5,0,39,36,19,0,4,3,1,2,2,0,4,4,1,0,2,12,17,1,0,5,0,3,2,1,2,1,0,7,4,26,5,36,23,4,24,0,0,1,0,20,11,0,7,11,134,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230822878654828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000399077243098,0.0,0.11364944457789927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551557266665257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4965370976641151,0.0,0.0,0.12488357626248625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533102189708592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12442975299117935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767295158690934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293662368872547,0.17369606318112607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351413675116199,0.0,0.06908975918505562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037119464086132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440583801897543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717338072699478,0.11878373321548248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896418150713554,0.0,0.0,0.09703422571203796,0.0,0.0,0.0901409531998543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281662139021682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245775906057717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16855955508963408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632392764093695,0.14210620518985345,0.0,0.2723674251858711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303306268421199,0.0968737647939951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20112421360932214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916599965705656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097711560083755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807642175257903,0.0778957115189203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523202134604785,0.0,0.0,0.08253652870086309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499551198048092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192989657762842,0.0,0.0,0.10930401538246996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850277669275337,0.0,0.0,0.08635824831324845,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,unikekonen,2019/09/02,"Flashbacks without specific memory Hi, I’ve only recently realized through therapy that I get flashbacks quite often. They vary in intensity and lenght but they all have the same feeling to them. The thing is my vision usually blacks out and I don’t see anything. I do sometimes hear something, not quite sure what. What I’m confused about is that I’m not able to pinpoint the flashbacks into any specific memory? I can sense the feelings I get are old and I’m young but beyond that- no idea. What I’m wondering is how do I proceed? How do I deal with them if I don’t even know what i’m flashbacking into? I feel so unstable and tired of having to experience such intense fear and other emotions almost every day. Thank you so much for reading and for any help you might have.",3.364314096499528,5.6763178675496695,4.55815042573321,81.5934602649007,75.62251655629139,7.757994323557239,28.66650898770105,8.634040054169528,2.4663184484389777,622,27,113,13,14,204,95,151,0.14,0.7829999999999999,0.077,-0.9163,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,4,2,9,4,0,2,4,0,14,1,0,2,2,32,29,13,0,1,6,0,3,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,9,10,0,0,7,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,6,16,2,15,28,3,11,0,0,2,0,10,5,0,6,6,80,25,1,0.16328203464503513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350337165596507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207476547634586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13436720198186616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530340436034996,0.16833660802894967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367031181463345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784624393350102,0.0,0.13757215648485066,0.0,0.0,0.15972116124882293,0.0,0.18373768408344324,0.2476809083781911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706162477691576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18403072002176776,0.0,0.10944450598499476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843255423566794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973553604679993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17321643551240976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200310829357996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713370283653161,0.0,0.0,0.12418334511782457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3473410852558281,0.163326221082529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16122131072053822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011464141580245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570248750820456,0.1614901073747548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538913852894394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150328159867942,0.18672723678702027,0.0,0.10847732845877242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876686790668388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17983209284940796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739805466481965,0.17707240142726802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Lotus_Cake86,2019/09/02,"EMDR This month marks the seven year anniversary since ""The Incident"". Somehow I've managed to maintain a full-time career, but I've lost my friends group as isolating seems to be the best fit for my triggers. At the suggestion of my therapist I started EMDR therapy earlier this year. I will say I was skeptical at first, but this therapy has done more for me in a short amount of time than traditional CBT has in over 15 years. While it is an arduous, intense process I have noticed a shift in my thoughts and especially my mood. I struggle with leaving the house for simple things like going to the grocery or to go get my medication. After starting EMDR therapy I am now able to leave the house for groceries during the day. I can even wear earbuds while shopping without being triggered into the horrifying freeze stance when I feel unsafe. I know I have a long ways to go, but I strongly encourage those of you suffering with PTSD to look into EMDR. I have hope for the first time in a long time. Stay well, internet.",6.415910652920964,7.040182360824745,6.833556701030929,74.86397766323024,65.5979381443299,10.178006872852237,35.75429553264605,10.125756701596842,3.719870790378007,814,38,145,18,12,265,123,194,0.094,0.75,0.156,0.9194,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,5,5,12,1,1,16,0,13,2,1,2,0,18,26,9,0,1,5,0,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,1,1,3,1,4,1,3,4,4,20,7,30,19,3,35,0,2,1,0,6,11,0,4,20,102,26,2,0.12768451292684824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399701880829146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234594776161472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066558784017934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843344165668617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456112622616332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21721676293582687,0.0,0.0,0.098648737952154,0.0,0.06670988802035288,0.0,0.21769815356124886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268195316090444,0.0,0.2946615693334421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017206906610331,0.0,0.0,0.2703989260025757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062380203422188016,0.0,0.0,0.2259935518859216,0.10722283269223297,0.0,0.13938272903946408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286287136817444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019165600369003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536966425447026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925636275831106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153984956051887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11623918507367408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056219485484383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807515108764091,0.13609470181498998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348357619112264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380551050424805,0.14825156079104487,0.08482791678812074,0.0,0.0,0.10136724076542132,0.22336159889789486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135002313646242,0.0,0.0,0.11480371141478354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230833140290123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24667392007107924 ptsd,just_another__,2019/09/02,"Who else gets this really cold, dead feeling spreading in their body when their ptsd kicks in? Like I have it all the time. I’ve just gotten used to it. But when I gets triggered it all just comes up again. And then it slowly fades out and become this all time numb feeling",2.4818181818181806,4.494315363636368,2.4309090909090934,97.22636363636366,77.18181818181819,5.127272727272729,18.272727272727273,5.6839178017228535,-0.5350727272727274,215,4,47,1,5,64,39,55,0.11599999999999999,0.7829999999999999,0.1,-0.4499,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,5,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,1,2,3,14,8,6,1,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,3,4,1,5,7,3,12,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,8,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34700973909506777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490058962330436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706558879505663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26247417948911794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31773840159656624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3283135600209383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15350248117730636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36728354121961015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20128486981037869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36642564734313104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713683290665374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,004msnk,2019/09/02,"Flashback reactions Does anybody else struggle with communicating their triggers correctly to the people within the closest circle even? Like I find my reactions during different times, to possibly one and the same thing terribly inconsistent. It’s either me looking batshit crazy, the sweating, the shaking, the inability to speak properly, the flight response... Or I manage to overplay it delivering an Oscar ripe performance where i seemingly show no signs of fear whatsoever and my self esteem doesn’t budge, but internally the stress is still there. So it’s one or the other and I can’t stand explaining myself every single time, meticulously picking these situations apart sometimes only makes it worse, so at least I have to wait, even tho I can tell about a minute later what was happening. How do you deal?",7.421635055591892,9.98797898561151,7.420196206671027,64.37024198822763,64.89928057553956,10.522171353826034,35.65794637017659,10.637119530657019,4.680821582733813,665,32,93,19,11,213,108,139,0.14800000000000002,0.84,0.012,-0.9433,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,1,10,6,0,4,11,0,7,1,1,4,1,19,13,10,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,5,0,2,1,2,12,1,10,12,4,11,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,3,5,70,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048917165641884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207640496890698,0.0,0.0,0.17391829159339536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660213656956898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625311547293993,0.0,0.16744661558566434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236372107658901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164431909654416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757446995308311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709408983518664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16689114139855266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266017158626195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693420818016664,0.15115035907993554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377809582290417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22404894552491728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092499316694807,0.2073286608830118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22339154523218574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965584651822039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587136358971353,0.0,0.2276554465417469,0.2077656953201428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737070986403274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203370494665567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23177322247941726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2025325477616795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MummaGoose,2019/09/02,"Dissociative Attacks Hey everyone, I am 29, F and suffered with 3y constant emotional abuse by my Narcissist ex husband. I have Focal Epilepsy- which began 8 months before we separated, but my neurological team are telling me I also have PTSD from the abuse and that I am experiencing what’s known as Dissociative Attacks. If anyone else here has them, please can you share what your experiences are?Blessings",9.860714285714282,10.647781214285716,9.609285714285717,57.33821428571432,58.28571428571429,12.714285714285715,41.785714285714285,12.161744961471696,5.6761428571428585,335,17,49,10,4,109,59,70,0.20800000000000002,0.7020000000000001,0.09,-0.882,0,0,0,0,2,0,8.0,1,2,1,1,2,4,2,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,0,7,8,6,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,11,1,4,7,0,3,0,1,0,0,10,0,0,1,3,33,15,1,0.0,0.4977166379929596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16796571624356654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686205733991253,0.21520670665699126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4778925518921337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787251692326379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269743032999412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17545812982720854,0.2362622340451005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069840239302172,0.0,0.2054555143294428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16764873426163324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2305564593913377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24552084850456324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835807249110803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fuhspams,2019/09/02,"I was in the Odessa mass shooting Hey guys. I was in the mass shooting this weekend in Odessa, we were at the gym and in the shower when the officer who got shot stumbled into the gym because it’s a gym/clinic. We had no idea what was going on but we heard screaming and I was naked and suddenly getting yelled at to get out of the stall, there’s a shooter and I was trying to get my clothes on. We ended up in front surrounded by officers with rifles pointed at us and we were all trying to comfort each other saying it was going to be okay. You could see all the drops of blood from the officer on the carpet and you could see blood smeared on the glass. I just kept thinking if I couldn’t come home then my dogs wouldn’t know what happened to me. We got word that they killed the guy in the at the movie theater right behind the gym. I just keep replaying what happened and the fear and I feel like I can’t breathe a lot and I just want to cry and I feel like I’m in a constant state of panic and I feel chest pains.",2.014444444444443,3.5108152592592603,3.1298148148148184,93.99666666666668,76.96296296296295,5.911111111111111,23.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.3698722222222224,800,24,181,6,18,257,116,216,0.134,0.805,0.061,-0.9612,1,0,0,4,0,0,11.0,7,2,1,0,5,9,1,2,20,1,15,5,4,0,2,44,37,15,1,6,5,0,3,2,0,1,1,4,3,2,9,22,0,2,6,4,0,4,4,5,0,0,13,9,25,4,31,19,4,35,0,0,2,0,16,23,0,2,8,124,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925158627473588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073398502542508,0.0,0.1640064025917214,0.0,0.2423474836401185,0.0,0.1667091180377737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442067237342575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707802684658899,0.23021413510084926,0.21684500385018374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23787625884160005,0.0,0.17250556888982602,0.0,0.2427641520723854,0.0,0.0,0.3005467330382769,0.2684144276754706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15223485336416495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132667022459264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489764063583706,0.16790789571728154,0.0,0.083407271695246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148291553733092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12902702705841845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149097723354475,0.17806608272220548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14346903821729032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12960834033674656,0.0,0.12069135103042927,0.0,0.0,0.24187758219747899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724627924709636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20607990251634245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825572279236711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895162134370027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Andthentherewasblue,2019/01/20,"Anniversaries are so exhausting Holidays, birthdays, trauma date. I noticed I get more paranoid and emotional during these times but it is intense for 2 weeks I thought it would only just be for those specific days but it's like my mind knew I'm exhausting myself thinking about how difficult I am, what's real, how bad is my behaviour ",3.661797235023037,6.654172000000003,4.61267281105991,77.76758064516129,79.0,8.704147465437789,31.43778801843318,9.23628265651192,3.710752995391706,272,14,44,8,7,88,49,62,0.257,0.628,0.115,-0.8992,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,2,0,12,11,6,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,2,0,7,1,3,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,30,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693605075260634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080526156635556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628855973355765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854705144005927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15760780998212906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257376438593567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3672863050144381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24535455364006986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36719349193645257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067113428271428,0.0,0.2561112010623334,0.18811273718868315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25877312637457434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291683216565201,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RacyJellyfish,2019/01/20,"I’m so exhausted It’s like having your arm cut off and screaming for help and everyone just asks you to work harder. So you grow numb to the pain of your arm and work and hope it gets better while you slowly bleed out. It’s like having bees in your bones and being distracted by their buzzing and everyone telling you if you just focus you’d do better. It’s like floating above your body and everyone telling you to have some control. And I’m so tired...",6.3028260869565225,5.727127108695655,6.079478260869568,84.24813043478264,65.95652173913044,9.53391304347826,30.35652173913044,8.841846274778883,2.1025669565217395,362,11,76,5,5,113,55,92,0.146,0.6729999999999999,0.18100000000000002,0.5906,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,11,1,5,5,12,1,1,1,0,6,9,4,1,0,15,11,13,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,9,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,0,1,12,6,9,9,1,5,0,0,0,0,16,3,0,3,4,47,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826478729763678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455840131164674,0.0,0.2170159431659266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191280219416876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.560063328862781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207460339657316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095475593235612,0.0,0.0,0.19404999432742126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863489077739745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789120612766687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34153014567400136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245531271045713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28446850709162796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SwimmingChipmunks,2019/01/20,"First time visitor to this sub. Not even a lurker, but yeah... I thought it was gone and I guess it's not. So, I've been better for many years after some kind of odd tapping therapy that supposedly helped me reprocess everything. Unfortunately, something happened a week ago that has made it all start again. There have been times this week that I couldn't even move. My husband (who normally drives me crazy) has been a freaking saint for once...to the best of his ability (lots of takeout & even did the dishes). WTF is wrong with me and why can't I snap out of this? Nothing actually happened. Just some creep trying stuff and I got away this time. The fear from before is back though and although I can type my thoughts, I'm not doing so great at communicating in person to people.",2.9112141280353185,5.3635573841059605,3.5744105960264925,87.36567770419424,77.80794701986757,6.675673289183223,23.973951434878586,7.793537801064563,1.2297360706401768,619,21,123,10,15,195,107,151,0.146,0.736,0.11900000000000001,-0.5546,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,10,7,0,1,6,1,14,1,0,1,1,21,24,9,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,12,6,1,0,2,0,0,3,5,3,0,1,10,0,12,4,15,13,5,19,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,4,12,84,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.14700825440154888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353812567897466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632243110805518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415363843186083,0.1158370728026974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281882051199332,0.0,0.1580931337239644,0.1332336820786775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29849974979471083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539044079408702,0.0,0.0,0.1695180432387482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12813896553561024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048494945434572,0.1660871699023839,0.16595297652163732,0.0,0.2664305950876418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10097448757099896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568740820470507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280733971689751,0.0,0.14254439252198536,0.0,0.15273086864541804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16011230098636367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760058211642044,0.14454839783801185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044386055189937,0.13153781959971034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11597424784649375,0.0,0.0,0.10662764378614877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17245302922294625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17227623150588306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14800841600259554,0.2391913624956771,0.2635277667922144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022783900599729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416774292497105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359341113293484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16470718006358312,0.0,0.09701074789781956 ptsd,NiceIceX,2019/01/20,"Hypervigilance is exhausting Every small sound scares the fuck out of me and I worry about getting killed. Tonight I was turning up the thermostat and heard a small sound so I ran to the kitchen, grabbed my biggest knife, and began making sure all the rooms and closets were clear. I have to do this like daily. I also have OCD and harm obsessions so when I carry my knife when clearing rooms, I worry I’ll lose control and cut my eyes out or cut my hand off. This is *torture* and I just am so sick of living like this. I’m always waiting for something bad to happen, all day. I listen for sounds and make sure my doors are locked. Sometimes I sleep with the lights on. I’m just so fucking scared :( and I’m just tired. All the adrenaline and stress just leaves me worn out. ",2.0681127450980377,4.470783764705885,2.638721405228757,93.17612132352942,80.63398692810458,5.13218954248366,21.98080065359477,6.322622252153567,0.2952879084967326,608,19,125,5,16,188,92,153,0.29,0.623,0.087,-0.9886,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,12,18,6,4,7,0,9,9,3,3,7,30,25,18,1,0,5,0,2,2,0,0,3,5,5,0,3,14,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,14,0,0,6,9,17,4,15,19,3,17,0,1,1,2,2,11,2,1,7,76,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699359485099624,0.1425405736433564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303361404392095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19213459402715893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104783986448711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433295522486198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167398478725661,0.08950047698282437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514856048876864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895250517524654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813886484526132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738322087628374,0.0,0.15126661090853674,0.0,0.0,0.19164794332162646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286965853410979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430150034654236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714300261633063,0.0,0.0,0.13187996731862925,0.16942632166666174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1962308002313485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32290834119356937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689140408179767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863320742988082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479397480357929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,petsnackofficial,2019/01/20,"Question about symptoms I'm a 19 year old guy who has medically diagnosed PTSD and I have a question about something I've been experiencing. I want to know if this is a symptom or if it has a name or anyone has any tips on how to deal with it. Thank you in advance! Often and especially when my friends, who I love more than anything, are trying to comfort me/ask me what's wrong/make sure I'm okay I find myself completely shutting down. I physically cannot speak and find it very difficult to move and especially cannot make eye contact or keep myself from retreating to a ball shaped position. These are things I do when I am having a flashback or am badly triggered but there's no accompanying flashback and I don't really understand why I might be being triggered. I hate it a lot because I can't communicate and only worry people even more. Is there a name for this shutting down kind of thing? And is it a PTSD symptom? It definitely seems at least PTSD adjacent. Does anyone know how to break out of it? If it helps: my PTSD is incest and sexual abuse/rape related. (Also: I've been lurking for a while so hey! You're all incredibly inspirational and I wish us the best of luck on our journeys!💕)",2.8812324077596045,5.044288460251046,4.643470901483454,81.12054298212249,76.53138075313808,7.692734880182579,26.763217953594516,8.575989854853784,2.077969037656904,958,38,186,20,22,324,145,239,0.073,0.768,0.159,0.9614,0,0,1,0,1,0,23.0,2,1,0,2,12,13,1,0,11,1,23,8,1,5,2,44,36,24,0,5,8,0,0,0,1,1,5,1,0,1,16,11,0,1,9,1,0,2,5,3,0,0,2,3,20,10,23,31,6,18,0,0,1,2,17,10,0,14,5,128,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09011672466720498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663185031160193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15758843984767146,0.0,0.09273279912714716,0.0,0.10534826905276308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408995237310944,0.06869368981152545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182593291285018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815144924105495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617660134204945,0.0,0.11437616595977468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09861421616918473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442950309147882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20598997362703186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706263522389075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11157904947380576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125628220772643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07553253501882155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016246303025876,0.0,0.11734743479072175,0.12386099161189365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580349045934107,0.10170551350403854,0.0,0.07522025842131476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352152101554047,0.0,0.11954438793821527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976973859553468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824732524077905,0.0,0.0,0.08570446528537948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812381937698443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5269059710413785,0.0,0.2524731809843733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219095595135827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025871184859962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867528932056963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620730884438558,0.3513786081906831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374816805420184,0.0,0.0,0.14973008533994034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650790080456325,0.0,0.0,0.11731240577636075,0.1355500474776541,0.0,0.0,0.09297957887949856,0.06646642874353262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10168358633181444,0.0,0.129585885693885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444035215158165,0.0,0.0,0.12320687279800635,0.0,0.0725675157067958 ptsd,AnnabelStabb,2019/01/20,"DAE feel exhausted after a trigger? Loud noises scare the shit out of me, I’m recovering at the moment and I just feel so wrecked. My stomach hurts and all I want to do is go to sleep. But I have important life admin to do, a house to clean, food to prepare and I just cannot. Any tips on how to deal with this?",-0.4411567164179111,1.6407803134328385,1.941921641791048,96.05676305970152,89.1492537313433,5.141044776119403,18.82276119402985,6.6274283507984215,-0.03514776119402985,239,7,57,3,8,81,51,67,0.124,0.733,0.14300000000000002,-0.0926,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,4,0,5,6,3,2,1,14,10,6,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,5,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,12,10,1,6,0,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,37,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2077487854478402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149545225402787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089374444612002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694088065169191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17362127737552566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352503114226614,0.3270414071423283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21578192874364605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058563059445582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313588807961049,0.0,0.0,0.30571814060939845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801903489003157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sweetcheeks719,2019/01/20,"PTSD/polyamory I am a 34 year old female with PTSD from sexual abuse as a child. I have recently found out that one of my triggers is hearing/knowing people are having sex. I am married, but we also have a girlfriend as well. I want my husband to be able to be free with her, and I don’t want to be put in a horrible spiral while it’s happening! I’ve looked all over for answers, and I’m at a loss. Anyone with similar triggers or experiences?",2.0848913043478237,3.803653141304349,4.158043478260872,85.73423913043482,77.3695652173913,7.208695652173913,26.71739130434783,8.07648339933343,1.7243217391304348,347,14,72,6,8,119,68,92,0.11800000000000001,0.77,0.11199999999999999,-0.3802,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,0,11,1,0,2,1,16,17,8,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,1,9,3,15,13,1,9,0,1,1,1,5,4,0,1,4,51,11,0,0.2259498938711657,0.2677136766372632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180692048495323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798941939142772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210223525913678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477423961597029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199806744939288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12417615257137612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18974100391686252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23709640475454005,0.0,0.153109495716317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15664520666542942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5282466691032088,0.2271420511199681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22309826139947286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665422031302023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031560900815552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455043235947664 ptsd,NaturalPrefN3,2019/01/20,"Help with the 4th F - Freezing up So we all know the typical ""Exposure of people with PTSD to situations causing **Fear** causes them to go into **Fight** or **Flight** mode."" Except I think that often people neglect the fourth F - **Freeze**. As someone who experienced a lot of childhood abuse... I mean a lot. I never could fight nor could I flee so I'd freeze and take the abuse as that minimised the amount abuse I'd receive. I tried to pen a letter to my family today and I'll be totally honest right now so anyone else reading this doesn't feel alone... I wrote four words before I blacked out, felt shattered, started shaking, hyperventilating, got the urge to start stabbing people, and then shat myself. Straight up - that's my mental state in response to fear I froze and shut down. So after that I treated myself to a cheeky relapse today after a month clean and am comfortably high at the moment as this morning sucked... but I'm not going to let myself do that forever. So my question is what exercises or steps can I take to learn to overcome this mental shutdown? I'm already on meds I want advice on mental exercises that have worked for ya'll. I already meditate, practice mindfullness - what can I do when I feel that seizure like blackout coming on in response to fear. It doesn't need to be a quick fix I am willing to work. Show me the way.",1.606877076411962,4.342945069767442,2.9267176079734227,87.20881395348839,88.6124031007752,4.964075304540422,22.875304540420817,6.610729790773281,0.8845183610188254,1060,40,194,13,35,342,157,258,0.07400000000000001,0.857,0.069,-0.5143,0,1,0,0,5,0,49.0,1,0,1,2,9,12,3,4,14,0,16,2,0,2,3,39,36,19,0,4,5,0,7,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,14,11,0,1,8,4,0,7,5,8,0,1,3,9,24,4,35,27,5,38,0,1,1,0,10,15,1,6,15,129,38,5,0.0,0.3788249322048819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414470576667928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038045872880904,0.2352182433330265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452032564768821,0.10919957238871572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068821487246566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21896555036413368,0.0,0.09180567430871904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018431854789234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903046306913273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047024432488837,0.35978244758819033,0.10777592327004944,0.0,0.10232954760998884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211390448387211,0.0,0.08523845836511203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143555849704247,0.112603257065841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857131042661489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10898104683315654,0.0,0.05206758625963442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812139853435012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609236517513202,0.11838176469763495,0.0,0.3222102272521778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506784187752474,0.0,0.0,0.07902465647791805,0.08219788040036605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22165886532444448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458148765756402,0.0,0.11938936436232014,0.0,0.106604709987375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101520984260443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197957421589079,0.0,0.0,0.09030138798890004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150869897304137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16026357998051166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828951353817757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20204292452816602,0.0,0.0,0.0723580192568462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628612088474852,0.08459496414846104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551770039524728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,woowoowoogirl,2019/01/20,"Triggers I've been diagnosed with ptsd about a year ago and it's been really difficult for me to acknowledge the fact. Tonight I saw blood relatives who came into my work. I didn't want them knowing where I worked because I was afraid they might tell my abuser and he'd start harassing me like he did my sister. I told my manager and I kept to the back until they left. My coworkers were so sweet and empathized with me. The whole time they were in the restaurant I was breaking down. My legs kept giving out. Fear, flashbacks, and anger filled my mind. I was nauseated and dizzy. I felt so embarrassed for my behavior at work. I've been doing so well to keep my troubles away from work that I couldn't help but feel disappointed in myself. Recently I've been coming to face the facts that I have ptsd and I should stop ignoring it. Not taking it seriously has only made it worse. I've been scrolling through this sub for a while now and I wanted to share because I feel so alone. This community is a blessing and even just telling random people on the internet about tonight helps. Thanks for reading. Tonight showed me that I have a lot of work to do. ",2.817292839903459,5.176643818584072,3.453531777956556,88.5993322606597,77.6283185840708,7.117940466613033,24.8744971842317,8.150884317080207,1.5152106194690265,917,33,185,17,22,288,136,226,0.157,0.742,0.10099999999999999,-0.88,1,1,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,4,5,12,16,2,3,10,0,22,4,3,2,2,40,40,16,0,4,3,1,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,15,0,5,5,2,0,3,3,10,1,0,19,5,34,6,26,17,2,27,1,1,1,0,15,10,0,3,14,125,44,7,0.0,0.1584381596543894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118536077708824,0.0,0.0,0.13849518806228994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256357895163873,0.10282361081143394,0.0,0.16303082034430108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294181896084172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518926696807512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572454919381413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832181660437306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504739103100936,0.13522725792021612,0.0,0.1283936495987361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827788686693473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17926146026788414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885784968264315,0.0,0.0,0.07348986175640546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14528884544819795,0.0,0.0,0.06532959034618953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11368527214280785,0.0,0.12653055524803966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185742305150326,0.1350206365793529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170125757534124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09270567934554903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3126266507843557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375772784475615,0.0,0.08566544323416572,0.0,0.13203388934858168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946487949076685,0.0,0.0,0.1117971958438686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10054195690320944,0.0,0.2337570415184048,0.12311282880205013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797410585700387,0.0,0.0,0.1277766628375251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577448588530482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202317245775808,0.0,0.0,0.14929532493961722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867543719432665,0.0,0.13627367432456816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611228810453203 ptsd,jonathonApple,2019/04/24,"How do you get people to believe PTSD is real? I have a 10-year-old with PTSD because she was attacked by a fellow student. I constantly get comments questioning whether her (rather severe) mental problems are due to the attack, and not do to other possible trauma. I talk about her elevated heart rate, about her flashbacks, about her night terrors, about her sweat, and it doesn't seem to register. They can't understand how she can still be suffering from an attack that occurred over a year ago by a 9 year-old. I try to talk about ""being stuck"" and how she thinks about him every day, multiple times a day. So then I talk about how in movies you can see Vietnam vets have flashbacks 20 years later to see how trauma can persist for a long time. For younger people, they don't get the references. I'm very frustrated by this. So what is your go-to method for getting them to understand without punching them in the face and screaming ""PTSD is a real thing!""",7.280655737704919,7.001458076502737,6.828967213114755,78.69656557377051,63.86338797814207,9.724371584699457,34.69344262295082,9.120678840339163,2.954596065573772,760,30,141,11,10,237,110,183,0.185,0.815,0.0,-0.9851,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,4,1,16,10,4,1,11,0,17,3,3,5,0,23,29,13,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,5,10,0,0,2,3,21,0,26,25,0,17,0,1,2,0,22,3,0,2,14,97,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911387493745356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3816041156565717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681590645265321,0.0,0.0,0.12597292404836802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082817632625567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421793717893697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420575119114387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23366693082662796,0.0,0.06354487680267266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249680024258356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894938595849606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126793827294908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049272288973449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23465407356306656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550316036475774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260503184428979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698820980613898,0.3921038982418892,0.0,0.12525412364037472,0.0,0.0,0.2545312289572049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1781980867166501,0.101788709380186,0.0,0.12631482057147206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892925619408422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696088011142846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428238733607723,0.0716440967563395,0.0,0.0,0.13039600981660526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591245952918398,0.0,0.0,0.23279878710874355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922559427785204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10778199858600664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880109657326785 ptsd,burnneerr55,2019/04/24,"I have to get up early tomorrow for a doctors appointment. Hello, I hope you're doing well. My ptsd came mainly from school which I'm not going to go into because it's a whole can of worms. I am anxious about the appointment, but I was wondering if getting up early is a kind of trigger for me because of school? (Although it's not as bad as some of my other triggers) I'm sorry if it's a silly question.",3.2188627450980363,4.039067611764708,5.483235294117649,80.98289215686276,72.88235294117645,7.549019607843138,29.46078431372549,7.793537801064563,2.0027254901960787,317,13,62,4,6,112,58,85,0.039,0.851,0.11,0.6678,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,5,0,6,1,0,2,0,13,15,6,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,2,0,7,4,15,13,3,9,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,6,3,48,12,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24379546840363064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801861245263417,0.2631024766060122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24682063955910424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22088306572978586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254958626136955,0.0,0.24529113740842245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143406361866579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247251589011404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522616456836167,0.0,0.2417482572847671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368074261746726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24157329925197304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940324193681163,0.0,0.0,0.2409358528305149,0.0,0.0,0.23402867210480505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,minorluck,2019/04/24,"will i ever be able to be in a normal relationship? (trigger warning) throwaway account. i had a flashback at work today, luckily it was when i was on break. now im worried that ill never be able to be in a normal, healthy, trusting relationship with a man, without fear of sexual abuse or assault. i want companionship but that fear PLUS how i want to, but struggle, to have sex has been enough to push every guy away. and that fear and the embarrassment of not being totally okay with sex is enough to make me not pursue relationships. im scared of the rapist hiding in plain sight! im scared of rejection due to my struggles! i hate that i TRIGGERED MYSELF by myself today, just by thinking “i missed my period, what if i was raped and am pregnant and don’t remember it happening”! i hate my rapist is my half-brother that im currently locked into a lease with, because he guilted me into signing when his last roommate skipped town! i hate that no one in my family believes that he raped me, to the point where i’ll sometimes question if he did! AND MOST OF ALL i hate that i am only attracted to men that look like my rapist. this is the most concerning. im cornering myself. why why why why WHY",3.9655555555555537,5.4619430508474585,5.1733333333333364,81.32467984934088,71.88135593220339,8.125800376647835,29.21280602636536,8.680891452615391,2.2914998116760823,944,38,181,17,18,313,131,236,0.324,0.595,0.081,-0.9979,1,0,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,8,25,10,9,9,1,20,8,0,4,4,38,31,14,0,6,9,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,13,11,0,0,3,0,1,1,6,21,0,1,6,2,26,4,30,19,6,26,0,2,2,7,12,13,0,6,12,126,39,1,0.17442665448660186,0.10333353155450377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819397918322572,0.0,0.0,0.053164434802679024,0.0,0.0,0.09825955438201862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022936126845848,0.0,0.0,0.07888944754878006,0.0734809896824415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221696313762923,0.29441771969093034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635490563064448,0.07712245725481466,0.0,0.0,0.34442041928740474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.471026796524295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109050191101722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042608026375757994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323722964662795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058215573157488126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06726429450111382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090108711148402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059098007638710315,0.06632966535156982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244478408351599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769888622008953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809034243481674,0.09879569854457902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463151011698916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625621068262787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823486113563676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588277857769823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533607327991826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288136005498354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3934823133589572,0.0,0.0,0.08407053524770172,0.0,0.06349234093883736,0.08856936725122004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FleaDG,2019/04/24,"Anyone have elevated heart rate related to PTSD? I have my heart rate spike when I have to do things related to my PTSD. If so, how is it treated? PLEASE ANSWER THIS ONE QUESTION IF YOU CAN, EVEN IF YOU DON’T READ THE REST! Here is the long backstory you don’t have to read, since I really just want to know how other people have treated elevated heart rate related to PTSD: I’m afraid I’m about to end up being treated for a heart condition I don’t have, as I only have heart rate spikes temporarily when my anxiety is triggered. It used to make me agoraphobic because I was so convinced I was going to have a heart attack and die & really interrupted my ability to function & would go months at a time without leaving my house at all. I worked through that and although I still get the racing heart when I have to do things that relate to the PTSD, I am able to tell myself that it’s temporary and will go away when the situation is over. I used to take 6 msg of Xanax a day just to get out my front door and now I don’t need anything. Problem is that I also have ADHD which I do require medication for...I get goldfish brain to the point I had 3 car accidents in 3 weeks off medication. At my last visit the guy I saw had issues with my heart rate and told me to see my pcp & get clearance to continue on the medication I was taking. I’ve been at this particular clinic for years and nobody ever had an issue with it so I started getting anxiety about it again. I went to the pcp, my blood pressure and heart rate were normal because I don’t correlate her or her office to anything that triggers me. But I couldn’t sleep at all last night and was a nervous wreck going to my appointment today because now I was not only triggered by having to focus on my mental health issues, I was stressed that the clearance letter wouldn’t be enough and he’d stop my medication. I track my heart rate with my watch and it was fine despite my anxiety all night and morning...until I started driving to my appointment. As expected it spiked & as expected he stopped my medication. I told him I could show him my heart rate history and show him I only spiked because of this appointment. Now he wants me to go back to my pcp again and get clearance again and come back in a month. But when I go to my pcp my heart rate & blood pressure will be normal & when I go to the clinic again, it will be elevated again so I don’t know what to do. On top of that, he told me with elevated heart rate like that my heart could stop, which seriously triggered the anxiety I had about that symptom. I sat in my car crying for an hour before I was able to get it together to drive home & now I’m having those familiar racing thoughts about my anxiety actually killing me & I’m scared to take my kids out. What if my heart stops while driving them? Or while we’re out and about and there is nobody to help them? Maybe they’d be better off because now I’m going to have untreated ADHD & in one 20 minute appointment I now feel the weight of the PTSD on me after years of feeling it was under control. He made me fill out the depression questionnaire (I was previously treated for major depression with TMS & am on Prozac still) and I answered honestly about thinking my family would be better off if I was dead nearly every day and I was going to tell him that I was feeling very guilty about the impact of my mental health on my family. But he never picked up or even looked at the form. I left truly believing my family would be better off without me because now everything is about to get much worse for me and therefore them. So I’m obsessing about dying suddenly but also thinking I should die for the sake of my family. This whole event just upset me so much it made me start thinking about the whole traumatic event again in detail.and how unfair it is that the person that caused all this did 6 years in prison but got to move on with his life. And here I am 20 years later feeling sentenced to life. I know I’m going to be right back to having flashbacks and panic attacks and seeing his face in every stranger. I really wish I could restart this day and never go to that appointment. All of this could be over if I could just not have situational heart rate spikes but he offered me no solutions to what I can do about that. I’m hoping someone here has had similar issues and how you handled it. It’s not related to the medication because I’ve had this for decades even unmedicated and I purposely didn’t take it the last 3 days out of fear of this exact thing happening. So even if I just didn’t take it anymore, I’m still going to have these spikes that he says could stop my heart.",6.565000000000005,5.81733025159236,7.115137154989388,77.60666751592358,65.48619957537156,10.381010615711254,32.21579617834395,9.74208191438628,2.7930734777070065,3715,126,747,67,50,1226,319,942,0.10300000000000001,0.857,0.04,-0.9945,0,0,0,1,0,1,76.0,0,4,4,7,63,29,3,10,30,0,91,38,22,17,9,131,161,66,5,29,26,0,5,1,0,8,15,1,2,3,51,37,1,7,14,4,0,23,18,17,0,2,34,11,115,12,121,101,13,128,0,2,5,0,38,40,0,12,66,522,166,4,0.06295048420526785,0.0,0.0307152959339124,0.0,0.07565424888167302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050341479475569176,0.0,0.341034116679866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039237028494405,0.0,0.03121498251596201,0.0220082211139925,0.0,0.05180288477206756,0.0,0.0,0.07161526361045922,0.029572026057036217,0.07260755497853567,0.0,0.13430910810191432,0.0,0.02678311276821969,0.03546181943549828,0.0,0.08351188149408291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035136779674082005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03233374389387423,0.0,0.0271131340630172,0.0,0.0,0.035302160412263604,0.15078251793116024,0.0,0.03457407548623618,0.08119570909754957,0.0,0.054219159803749084,0.0,0.09799899600802402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02787772215612345,0.032522338954586456,0.0,0.08315640223484623,0.028471158473450213,0.05303849797505912,0.0,0.028287918066520583,0.0,0.11868822811820813,0.035418398003650126,0.06365931252919911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13155611924732954,0.0,0.21465726520998907,0.0,0.0251736264275628,0.0,0.0,0.031165438212121643,0.02783345264277583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0669134210128481,0.0,0.6340713284630557,0.02109719131176702,0.0,0.03157223416331754,0.03126201736794955,0.030996773266392795,0.03631820343954174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140790092209673,0.0,0.0,0.034822691941474866,0.0,0.05189390973274247,0.07696956977474688,0.0,0.03332773672050278,0.034197942639827214,0.0,0.04446378866117124,0.015377213415457763,0.0,0.0,0.02785459879272426,0.026431276123923802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956527023405591,0.021009968512768592,0.0,0.031621111252175635,0.0,0.0,0.1902479703299388,0.06343928196701047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05024647590999344,0.033453201165308165,0.0462758490664178,0.02333849319775852,0.04855129419335507,0.0,0.0,0.05907476504389433,0.06167810886782187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04265687726882583,0.07181501984334787,0.0,0.036929414887678466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02182096977139013,0.02748296734733637,0.0,0.03455036399088222,0.029754277484320742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03011755586792429,0.1839643683282035,0.0,0.03525947460250358,0.0,0.06296751950031174,0.0,0.06049153818175055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026879684777848325,0.0,0.025030375843727998,0.0315122082451166,0.0,0.050163385684933434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026036645523476024,0.07075898176861681,0.031497973146054764,0.0,0.026668870492540468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683501508727897,0.0,0.07540850700417351,0.13157355882923935,0.03605478348482475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03271482819959212,0.11832732459484835,0.0,0.055021497850310484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273225679682493,0.0605041926743843,0.0,0.024987826410831228,0.018353466787237847,0.0,0.02983484920983783,0.09022782801280267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436900665380556,0.0,0.025970371088690592,0.037129826575073056,0.0,0.025247540657396667,0.038328365401416264,0.0,0.029177864766098474,0.0,0.07028196752378722,0.036194975067464885,0.06068202038061075,0.0,0.02291435111904169,0.0,0.032075960707745294,0.06707732676269328,0.0,0.0,0.08107609583099175 ptsd,dogcatredorange,2019/04/24,"Confused, has anyone had a flashback like this? *potential trigger warning* I've been diagnosed with PTSD, though it definitely has always presented as c-ptsd... I don't have flashbacks in the traditional sense, just intense dissociation/depersonalization. It's all related to childhood trauma, alcoholic/abusive father. Much therapy and time has made my anxiety/dissociation almost nearly a thing of the past. &#x200B; Fast forward to present day, my boyfriend(39m) and I(28f) have been together for 2.5 yrs. It's the first relationship (of many failed) that isn't turbulent and abusive. I attribute this to all the therapy I've done and allowing myself to be with someone who doesn't hurt me, and I've also learned how not to be codependent. &#x200B; The weird thing I'm experiencing is that my current boyfriend, at times, reminds me of the man from my abusive (romantic) relationship. Something about the way he moves/talks at times is similar, even though they are (in personality) SO SO different. They don't even look alike. This feeling is so intense that I have called him by EX's name, to his face and in conversations. Sometimes when I will be thinking about something we need to do together, my ex is the image that pops up in my mind rather than my current boyfriend. It makes me feel like I'm losing my shit because I keep mixing it up. The relationship with the ex was 5 years ago, and I barely think about him. It's causing me a moderate amount of distress, because it just doesn't happen all that much. When it does happen though, I feel very very uncomfortable and can sometimes slip into a period of dissociation. &#x200B; Has anyone experienced a similar phenomenon that can offer some advice or insight? Thank you.",6.0077170418006425,8.308486196141478,6.33555498392283,71.79682443729905,68.06752411575563,9.348990353697749,34.62649517684888,9.791249743138472,3.8006914726688095,1401,69,228,34,25,450,171,311,0.064,0.856,0.079,0.382,3,0,3,0,0,0,65.0,1,1,2,3,18,11,1,2,15,0,29,3,2,7,3,42,44,20,0,2,5,4,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,20,13,0,1,7,0,0,1,6,8,0,1,6,6,27,3,33,34,7,29,0,3,1,0,22,11,1,4,20,156,47,2,0.0,0.3067027072242447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431721485648648,0.07648691034269317,0.0,0.08640248778871705,0.0,0.0,0.06900250190616809,0.07179646767595182,0.2804709857328413,0.31453906613533344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120665688429489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519770840909146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810716671333678,0.0,0.0,0.08863900099532711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055647024383692775,0.0,0.0,0.08757798997694455,0.0,0.09015000703809027,0.0,0.0,0.07550904301414055,0.08830004815417808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139815488836541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088565969559482,0.06164239517306772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07339442214344942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260400679884184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237043742248643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07669453779745637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430949658733136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245810810977908,0.09653142972667644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164544855821185,0.057596256902000986,0.08747997770110258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08712378141806476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12685957570892142,0.06397962229723346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236929551641965,0.0,0.07534119086396962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2017263188682295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27791508209737154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857084983600272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310944398803121,0.13285362291845754,0.1706771779582052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935303528876133,0.0,0.07944011714095009,0.1973500317811066,0.0,0.11464853541042914,0.1105765587036822,0.25432526599862976,0.0,0.15094134779083432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238918674775433,0.0,0.0684894322315583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31453906613533344,0.05556504810151314 ptsd,SmokeyCloudz906,2019/04/24,"My big brother has been opening up to me about some truly horrific moments in his life. I just want to know what to say.. I just listen and say things like wow, and I can't imagine and I'm so happy your here. But he has a great poker face but he is seriously effected by PTSD, such a good person who lived through some horrible stuff. But it makes me uncomfortable as in I don't know what to say, I have TBI and bipolar and can be upsetting to me hearing about what's happend to him and seeing the scars tears me apart man. But he is my brother and I am my brothers keeper...any advice on things to say, I don't want to upset him or act like I get it Cuz I most certainly don't but I care alot. And want him to feel safe and comfortable with me. He self medicates with drugs and alcohol, I don't judge him he is a great person who lived a hard life.",0.7723634131368939,2.69715522651934,2.804594843462251,92.86507519950894,82.37016574585634,6.232166973603437,21.10527931246164,7.3871296695380915,0.5624214855739713,660,20,152,10,18,222,101,181,0.121,0.667,0.212,0.9476,0,0,2,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,1,7,14,0,2,6,0,15,7,1,3,1,37,28,19,0,3,8,3,2,2,0,0,6,6,0,4,10,13,1,1,5,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,9,25,11,20,26,4,9,0,0,1,0,26,7,0,5,3,101,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14495309432388312,0.0,0.15852702568988125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10087417342146396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512393477885297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17202370116814766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500358974851228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749990382324039,0.0,0.0,0.12441794742642735,0.0,0.3270838947704208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790738011763125,0.132880719124569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16718645836714852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304415327579566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954946768408,0.14493982553886975,0.0,0.2619683870361688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901602743435603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943381311329598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590441053909771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17339788900929712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4718538021089536,0.0,0.0,0.11820529788421436,0.0,0.15474772969498046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981025234023464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19709687986882699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2624788269832003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ghostfacek1ller,2019/04/24,"i feel like i was not made for this world and i am unable to keep relationships. im scared i will never get better childhood abuse (physical and sexual) messed me up. really bad. ive not been able to get any therapy because of the household i live in. im a 17 year old girl and i am absolutely not capable to have healthy relationships because, going to be really honest, i see myself only capable to have one with people... lets say older than me because of what happened. its disgusting, i know. i keep isolating myself and rejecting socialization and human contact. i really dont know what to do. is there anyone that feels/has felt this? any advice? im scared",1.3703211805555569,4.0631884453125044,3.9614583333333333,79.32659722222225,90.328125,7.531944444444445,21.95486111111111,8.344100000000001,2.130930902777778,523,19,93,15,18,182,83,128,0.221,0.715,0.064,-0.9661,0,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,1,9,1,2,2,0,13,0,0,1,1,17,25,5,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,2,6,6,0,2,4,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,4,4,15,3,13,18,0,9,0,1,1,0,7,3,0,0,6,59,21,0,0.13714718442842394,0.16249698707412266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401864134159255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652957677735246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589650018322432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451217035601338,0.25081095202027204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212955394792153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607354787311815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934573725882594,0.09797797595896927,0.13168280460184734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433074866451258,0.0,0.07794390546877877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212788022545232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444274812731169,0.0,0.0,0.2438054381049281,0.0,0.0,0.15074501170626084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024228808409653,0.0,0.06700318673985799,0.0,0.12110347650319578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297719819863651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10577636348693127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391289941799254,0.0,0.09293448156573096,0.10430661384663717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508058924170984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635799945976379,0.0,0.0,0.2944895003503276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10906494574239554,0.274616514265239,0.0,0.10928854948362757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980428317258475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568397578895441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831829022483602 ptsd,shnitzel_2,2019/04/24,"Infantile PTSD and Autism Hello everyone, I just had my first appointement with the local Asperger diagnosis center, the pedopsychiatrist (even though i'm an adult) straight away by looking at my medical record tell me she's sure i don't have asperger syndrome or anything Autism related, but that my problem is a development disorder due to infantile PTSD. I'm puzzled by that, not only because she said that without me passing any extensive testing (just the usual boxes to tick to be admitted to the diagnosis center, and if she is sure why allowing me to come to get a further appointment for testing ?), but also because i objectively have a lot of the classic Asperger symptoms, fact confirmed by other psychiatrists. I did have a very rough childhood but i'm well over it now, i have done long therapy work with different specialists and i have progressed alot, but i did no progress on the same symptoms the psychaiatrists told me to get tested for : Being around people exhaust me, i have dyspraxia, i'm too sensitive to my environment, i can't get anything done if it isn't part of a well planified routine,my IQ is above 130, i struggle to look people in the eyes, i spend 8hours a day on my passion, my autonomy is near zero, i'm a loner... etc etc.. i can see how my chronic anxiety, insecurity, and tendency to depression could be linked to a PTSD but the other things are a stretch to me... I was wondering if maybe some other people here could have an helpful point of view or a similar experience to share. The country i live in (France) is notoriously bad at treating psychiatric problems, let alone Autism... I have red studies that linked heavily Autism and PTSD... I don't know, felt for a second that i finally found something that gave sense to how i function and something to build on, but i'm back in limbo... I don't want to be Autistic or whatever, i just want something an explanation that make sense, and to me the PTSD does not explain everything, maybe i'm wrong and the life of someone living with infantile PTSD and someone with Aperger simply are a lot alike ?",8.942394804491947,7.890799838046273,9.169544040048713,65.7873724800433,60.90231362467866,12.71389527804086,42.32458395345691,11.822596298655498,5.1751922879177386,1663,85,285,44,19,553,200,389,0.11800000000000001,0.812,0.069,-0.9653,1,1,3,0,0,0,54.0,0,0,0,4,15,15,0,2,28,0,34,8,1,4,3,60,60,25,0,9,18,0,2,0,0,0,6,1,0,1,13,15,0,0,8,0,2,2,9,8,2,3,11,9,37,7,44,42,8,30,0,1,6,1,13,19,0,12,9,204,50,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518524579786704,0.0,0.0657745626044067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05593219742978831,0.0,0.062920323986449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13536797579351234,0.0732191224063182,0.0,0.0,0.07727572171062749,0.06324446851436256,0.06867454943203137,0.10027655616028312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708503028678393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313384015015058,0.0,0.0,0.05304385475835865,0.0,0.07084101536190908,0.0,0.0,0.08593278675283124,0.09426457576887247,0.0,0.07197672750599883,0.16833873801233712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834589400156683,0.05432474414471186,0.0,0.0,0.07859252428431111,0.07392017307388238,0.08045538632470847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897201883313362,0.0900998510067358,0.0,0.06996102866897702,0.0,0.09018187508341786,0.0,0.0,0.1289152547496982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512982713932348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045201945460769666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08410526073822439,0.058094960287025814,0.0,0.0,0.14525489574869166,0.07278785094116301,0.13813703087300694,0.0,0.0,0.13985045959469514,0.0,0.0,0.054901902115545104,0.0,0.16526051942406642,0.0,0.0,0.08285729889272644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0625541345206242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906774264790193,0.0,0.17106347575824069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775196945060447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574025304431405,0.5768686651709135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782377135508028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554187096912586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393787636020274,0.1899580891230961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859846005853946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503757621969644,0.1709765813736766,0.0,0.0,0.0718893245221327,0.0,0.09405899541164114,0.0,0.05464263658230288,0.0,0.0808093072386309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859252428431111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058574574999584,0.06786410796137769,0.09702528125889147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14790360812010614,0.0,0.07421700510889151,0.0,0.0,0.07928518172421546,0.08919562287730172,0.05987831259310535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992646146509116,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tryingmybest405,2019/04/24,"Nobody to talk to who will really understand I’ve got PTSD. Long story short, for a short period of time in my life (for maybe 4-5 months) law enforcement and other government agencies have been in and out of my house. From the cop knocks and seeing certain government employees call my phone on caller ID, those are triggers for me. I cut the wires from my doorbell because anytime someone would ring my doorbell it would literally scare me so back I’d stop whatever I’m doing, if I’m watching TV I turn volume down, try getting my dogs to be quiet etc. and I’d start shaking really bad, breathing hard. Sometimes it’s happen only to find out it was a friend that was coming over. What I want to vent about: nobody respects what I ask. I’ve asked my friends to text/call when they are pulling in my neighborhood. I said to them “I’ll have the door unlocked when you text/call when you’re pulling in” in reality I wait by my window to see their car. And then I let them knock on the door. But even though I know it’s my friend it still scares me. And I’m 18, my friends are 18 so sometimes they are obnoxious and knock on the door really quickly like they are playing a drum set. I’ve talked to one of my friends but he just didn’t understand. I explained the situation and what caused me to develop PTSD but he literally said to my face “you’re being a sensitive little b*txh, and cops didn’t harass you or over reach their authority blah blah blah” when literally every single government/law enforcement person did exactly that. But nobody understands that except my family, who I lived with at the time when cops/government was in my life for some time. But even my family doesn’t talk about it. My mom has anxiety when people knock on the door, I don’t know if she has PTSD but nobody in my family acknowledges or talks about what happened anymore. No one asks how I’m doing or holding up. I’m lost and angry. I’m angry because nobody listens and understands boundaries and nobody does what I ask them. I don’t know what to do.",4.3699632069821135,5.6040807220843725,5.231144006160693,82.30915632754345,70.56327543424317,8.734799349704799,27.54419440403868,9.130062681391069,2.174781363908617,1613,55,318,32,29,526,192,403,0.1,0.847,0.053,-0.9621,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,2,8,1,19,16,2,3,12,0,28,4,2,3,2,52,61,34,0,5,13,1,1,4,5,3,2,5,5,1,19,16,0,3,10,3,0,5,6,7,0,2,11,9,46,9,45,44,3,45,0,1,3,0,37,21,0,6,19,196,65,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428763154197266,0.0,0.08334154771709157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31425083573849744,0.0,0.0,0.06461881998247307,0.07016690077991736,0.10245564368229547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581058100176348,0.0,0.0,0.08632855258610382,0.0,0.07238993502935201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354083775059983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093722822703108,0.11101052613585792,0.0,0.07080430859717599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23766617413879346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680776574224596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246316494649851,0.0,0.04390556115208514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672116022186503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862625794348108,0.0,0.07528012618910211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969667461260894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855265662911134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593293343888353,0.11871481787608724,0.04105595013436058,0.0842265703400146,0.07420569877843176,0.07436958752859088,0.0,0.0,0.0917356798968036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442587949370307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842243983416854,0.0670770689608274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389050660348908,0.06391348449437373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05826027269134534,0.07337736080467301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947022348661483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161507648235159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987575977910254,0.0,0.16827023406393685,0.0,0.13393229355723393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446045744966272,0.0,0.0,0.07120378624522508,0.0,0.16622833704307527,0.0,0.05948141084942855,0.0,0.06711159383744919,0.07025821030569085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27018116570367834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256535630741524,0.0,0.14700693750897953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057055213115059414,0.09140749366387374,0.0,0.3499395091081299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04956685802485093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939412377308005,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kikidiamani06,2019/04/24,"PTSD yet nothing to show for it along with rant. **Trigger warning** First of all I have PTSD and when I found out I had it I didn’t believe it and was disappointed in myself. I was bullied extensively, and I was almost driven to the point of suicide. I found out I had ptsd when I went to my old middle school and had a panic attack. When I found out I had it I was ashamed because I felt like I could’ve prevented this standing up for myself, I have never been to war, seen a dead body, been in any really bad situation that I was in danger. So I feel like I’m too sensitive about my childhood and people have it in war based situations. I still have dreams nightmares about my childhood, I’m very cynical to teenagers and have a distrustful view of them, I don’t like to go near my old childhood neighborhood. along with being bullied by my peers I was bullied by my dad about grades and I get horrified if I get anything less than a B. Even recently I was contemplating suicide(I had gotten a knife) because I failed my calculus exam after studying for 2 weeks( I didn’t eat for a whole 3 days almost and stayed in bed). I feel like my ptsd isn’t validated because I only been bullied, threatened and betrayed. I didn’t have anything to show for it. Other times I get extremely violent and resentful. I don’t believe in revenge like that, but I don’t believe that people should be forgiven because I forgave a lot as a kid but no one reciprocated it. I do believe that people should move on to understand it, maybe make peace with it and forgive yourself. However you don’t have to forgive your abusers I feel like that’s a bit passive and removes the underlying valid feeling of being angry, because it’s okay to be protective, weary, and oblivious to the fact. I don’t see girls forgiving there sexual assaulter and having lunch with them. I don’t have particular a revenge fantasy but I do want to see the people who caused my abuse to pay. From peers who contributed, teachers who ignored it, and even the one person who was responsible. For violence I want to fight them, I want to see them suffer. I would never do it to strangers obviously, or children. Sorry for the rant",3.127028763586144,5.319192042154572,4.514660421545671,82.19558758181711,75.88524590163935,7.470822074100763,28.74731279649313,8.384062270229773,2.263002690205968,1730,76,326,33,39,573,197,427,0.214,0.665,0.12,-0.9925,1,0,0,0,3,2,44.0,0,2,4,3,13,27,10,2,16,1,45,3,1,3,5,60,71,25,4,7,5,1,5,6,0,3,0,0,1,4,23,24,2,3,12,4,1,5,13,17,0,3,27,10,57,10,55,37,5,40,0,3,5,0,19,15,0,5,24,236,80,6,0.0,0.1896404899829326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602732196427909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05442187109634007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171266046635807,0.0,0.0,0.09104354845909354,0.0,0.0,0.06682014382647493,0.2439220191639307,0.0,0.0,0.3606571798754799,0.0,0.0,0.08736998831118484,0.08889320879028885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221093187838037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389594799566735,0.0,0.0,0.05161152178467709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188875364934463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571564712423112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185850370250576,0.17151633119129245,0.07683955264853617,0.0,0.0,0.068071884512849,0.0,0.26324013394128776,0.0,0.0,0.12543418100364934,0.0,0.04548182920320891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345862048131739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803705231124171,0.0,0.0,0.05341939664764185,0.0,0.08039901075494707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850572346691948,0.0,0.0,0.12344525127179334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678914686892813,0.0,0.16795211561703324,0.0,0.10845826090545188,0.06086499729780795,0.0,0.0938957647961876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22192570897870176,0.06987747425177311,0.0,0.0,0.07565244802403935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3741943946192882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126806782207601,0.0,0.0790181214078614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08099273769883701,0.1913161694266848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799099370940896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958493692611211,0.0,0.08529933601392982,0.06391056613299667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753778257914352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0466650448129388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331210324691933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603158655045499,0.14160798946937198,0.0,0.06419373679381164,0.0,0.0,0.07418687611664941,0.0,0.08934854657321745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684968577689084,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MegaArnie,2019/04/24,"I don’t feel human about 90% of the time I’m just having a real hard time lately especially because I just started a new job. I just want to get this off my chest and vent. Since the age of 4 after my traumatic event it caused me to find safety in my head and hide away from the real world. This behavior followed throughout my adulthood. I’m now 25 years old. I feel like I’m never completely present. But I’ve allowed myself to cope and practice grounding myself through meditation and other tools. I get little glimpses of feeing like an actual human being and seeing myself as an individual. Does that make sense? Feeling like an individual, as in realizing I am a whole person who’s walking around being myself. I realize how many chances I’m missing by hiding myself. It’s just that I’m so afraid of other human beings. I’m paranoid. I have trust issues with other humans because I experienced some significant child abuse growing up and never got the counseling until I was 18 (on my own decision).",4.648670120898104,6.424433590673576,6.180331606217617,73.66963385146808,70.60621761658031,8.048221070811746,28.92884283246977,8.648137234880735,2.475892158894645,805,31,135,14,15,274,124,193,0.091,0.795,0.114,0.3182,3,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,1,10,0,8,2,2,4,2,30,26,12,0,1,5,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,10,8,0,0,7,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,2,6,21,4,23,21,3,28,0,1,1,0,7,10,0,1,18,91,31,1,0.0,0.18566825302000775,0.15292020057070554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394995107781894,0.0,0.0,0.14722827888925674,0.0,0.0,0.1910502347904956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609778597638035,0.0,0.0,0.1643008417532522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713245863262974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23770228832657003,0.2238983006182161,0.0,0.0,0.1432243373951414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16374242482386198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533025925186245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037573008749132,0.0,0.16082319906746412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355794364491105,0.15550423652478115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676859237178433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296725284467238,0.15705826893202782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460093257345153,0.15887295010523805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24171909858820265,0.15134540415398254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16443416646115705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682762126321166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3567262211679709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248725556275078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12962691501345286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11091568116727342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275036830580835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0924278987777354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17495407814669844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091204120775152 ptsd,nachtlibelle,2019/04/24,"Is this common? (NSFW, Triggerwarning) Does someone else feel an urge to throw up whenever there's something sexual going on?",4.7228571428571415,8.251725095238099,5.682857142857145,66.7871428571429,83.76190476190476,8.514285714285714,26.04761904761905,8.841846274778883,3.5058761904761897,101,4,13,3,3,33,21,21,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,7,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4779158188535314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4562155953045844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761361409294633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103742222075822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627281500961825,0.4204320797235017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ContentShop,2018/11/27,"Boyfriends loud voice sets off anxiety. Help with noise triggers! My boyfriend is wonderful and speaks passionately about everything. He has a loud voice and we have spoken about it. I can’t exactly change him, and he is being mindful of keeping things down which is great, but I can’t help put wiggle into a bad mood upon hearing a noise. Does anyone have any strategies for dealing with noise triggers? Sometimes I even get a quick shock when he or anyone coughs. Dogs barking and loud music make my chest tighten. What can I do besides noise cancelling headphones? ",5.3393137254901974,7.932591950980393,4.3319607843137256,84.19049019607843,70.66666666666666,6.494117647058824,30.94117647058824,7.3871296695380915,2.0751294117647063,457,20,76,5,9,134,74,102,0.10800000000000001,0.77,0.122,-0.2148,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,11,3,1,3,1,17,16,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,0,4,8,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,7,8,2,10,15,0,8,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,2,2,46,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589256252290924,0.0,0.17878167296602335,0.0,0.0,0.3268202611555193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951317167453027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472261190612245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24093688107751315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045145184076521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154358210929341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21003662045562405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209984233369947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576576873724106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26339955535321496,0.0,0.3132915440301495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20772540395203945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15599814634374645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23597277209873105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23493543033571065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23113761915087874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552614698163742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25344025060463576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,2creepy4me2handle,2018/11/27,"Squatting/getting down on the ground as an involuntary response to being startled? Hello all, &#x200B; I have PTSD from severe physical abuse from my parents when I was a child. As an adult, I have gotten over some involuntary responses, such as flinching when I saw something out of the corner of my eye as I was used to being hit. Other involuntary responses are more mental than physical, such as being overcome by anxiety in a loud environment as chaos at home connected back with being hurt. &#x200B; But I had one physical involuntary response to being startled several years ago that I don't understand. I saw someone I knew in passing and continued on my way. The person didn't realize it was me until I was fairly far away (all the way across a parking lot), and then they yelled out my name. I had an involuntary response of instantly feeling fear and then dropping to the pavement (kind of crouching down on the ground in the parking lot), and I still don't understand why I did that. Any insight?",7.561158357771263,8.086825467741939,7.879814271749755,68.68517595307921,63.13978494623656,10.849657869012713,38.95210166177908,10.637119530657019,4.4847268817204275,811,41,131,19,11,266,105,186,0.125,0.867,0.008,-0.9641,1,0,1,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,3,13,0,18,1,1,1,2,21,27,16,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,4,7,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,4,0,1,12,6,19,1,34,9,6,32,0,1,3,0,7,18,0,3,10,108,23,0,0.0,0.1677934838809189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553529710095873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.306884828305218,0.3441613293938757,0.096304701083561,0.0,0.10833693779333993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330542267662626,0.10889505357106836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935896818791428,0.07160602209591503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398925630367335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14205381788117538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15160437587586645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14747274905265015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2407961304322513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427170494244697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596362809771944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572493843369881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365486769792094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554318417847508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199747470008751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199919794224001,0.10902400782881504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309585362516733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29485745485060744,0.0,0.12231198035635875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248186306635409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778769332817838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3441613293938757,0.09119697462742232 ptsd,xP_F0X,2018/11/27,"Nightmares and Flashbacks I've been dealing with this (PTSD) since I was 19 years old and have been having a really bad couple of days and wanted to share. Normally every other day I have nightmares and wake up in a panic however lately it's been everyday. I usually get up and sit for a bit while I gather my mind but lately I smell this terrible smell and also start vomiting. It's impossible to escape. Even at work or everyday life if someone says a particular word or phrase, or makes a certain sound my whole world breathes out (not sure how else to explain it) and I lose myself. Sometimes it's for 10 seconds, sometimes it's a couple minutes. I just wish I could have a single solitary moment of peace but everyday that goes by I feel worse and not many people understand. It's honestly ruining my life and making it hard for me to function properly. No matter how much my life changes or where I move to it's like I'm stuck reliving a few moments over and over again and I'm fighting myself to move forward. Sharing this here makes me feel a little better, thanks. ",3.602190476190476,5.630536076190481,4.805714285714289,81.38761904761907,73.95238095238095,7.7142857142857135,27.857142857142854,8.515128840125781,2.2207142857142848,856,34,156,16,18,282,128,210,0.132,0.7070000000000001,0.161,0.769,1,0,0,0,2,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,8,14,1,1,9,0,9,6,2,5,2,41,24,22,0,5,10,0,3,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,13,13,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,6,0,1,5,7,18,8,20,18,5,29,0,2,0,0,7,11,0,5,17,104,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247469292021236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699278088410848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133307231656876,0.13989730461373154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555669179127874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231054247707504,0.2835722141861062,0.0,0.16528130366625884,0.13210823619040096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704576134051773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463623707663373,0.0,0.10796472113182838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958436205887353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06694863292698508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478959390755815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890983351797495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27153034455417496,0.06260345302256487,0.1284314240025316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433575355259109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25660629294625426,0.12991534515339334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293863628162999,0.0,0.0,0.2723882215878627,0.09419872979705757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12555144052126632,0.0,0.0,0.13446292447305316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15034641372328014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883716568678214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979052939310028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08209071146395296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019032457919048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599995401348744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857385769038716,0.0,0.253470394791469,0.0,0.09069919701387212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077182565059735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797545573977045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333997967864312,0.0,0.0,0.14112973330600814,0.0,0.07558116320971182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14306538295767884,0.14735637466090865,0.0,0.0,0.0932885214678396,0.0,0.13058711257153946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251890995260279 ptsd,jtex13,2018/11/27,"I’m angry at my spouse who has ptsd I feel horrible about it, but I’m angry. My wife just got on a plane for 30 days residential treatment. We are lucky to have good insurance and some cash (good bye savings). I know it’s not her fault what happened to her - multiple child and adult traumas. I know she did not choose this. I know she is not “doing this” to me or the kids. She recently did ketamine again and then considered suicide... went 3 nights acute care and now going to residential treatment. This is actually her second time; went 3-4 years ago for 50+ days. We have done couples counseling... I am glad she is gone for now - for me, for the kids and for herself. I’m not happy, she’s not happy and our kids are alright, but all can be better. I am more angry that it took so long, that she never fully commits to doing something, that my life sometimes feels on hold, that I can’t fully rely on her. She does have many great qualities and does a lot... at the end of the day, my needs are not met and our life is not as great as a it could be. Done venting for now... this was tame ☹️ I have talked to others, I do enough self care and I have good friends and family.",1.8389241622574952,3.467890329218108,3.345079365079368,91.69,77.80658436213992,6.439271017048795,21.859494415049973,7.2636822038024595,0.5383025279247504,902,25,203,11,21,297,133,243,0.098,0.725,0.177,0.9768,0,0,1,0,0,1,41.0,4,0,0,1,7,17,0,0,7,1,28,2,0,0,3,39,47,17,1,2,11,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,6,15,12,0,1,6,0,1,5,9,2,0,1,11,2,32,15,22,33,5,26,0,0,0,0,29,5,0,4,17,138,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.1230346508123264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176118463503162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115063886563494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25709133046708643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006636046644824,0.1395037137500192,0.0,0.2439310467113194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22066468785594204,0.2580446233434248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166833027757883,0.13027302831420204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885580342020027,0.0,0.12749838557367138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740811199389177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165344623480321,0.3172465641934304,0.1008366757676434,0.2780044839867445,0.0,0.0,0.11149100220859083,0.26842629936342993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078687139134814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810626742750246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115757062329482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718762536960796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12782404068770656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348577878755668,0.09723968703441188,0.0,0.0,0.11831634480478798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473792853428496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448753300084685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315276093681386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706156395844684,0.1246950851675719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790966430844462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133730526150836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351751981234479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007810511678614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337524867525469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119056675585627 ptsd,flower_babes,2018/11/27,"Mental health deteriorating I have struggled with ptsd for around 3 years now. I don’t know how to discuss this but I need to. I had a severely traumatic event happen due to a bad partner 4.5 years ago, along with sexual assault and harassment during middle school then other random times throughout my life including last year. I try to be a strong women I have stood up for myself and defended myself to the best of my ability but I have health issues that make me weak and very low weight. The ptsd has started to come back more strongly and I’m not sure what to do, I’m scared often and the paranoia has started to hurt my relationship with my male family members, including my dad, even though they have never hurt me. I’m finding myself leaning more heavily on my partner to support me but so much so that I will struggle to do things on my own. I just want this to get better like I was and not worse, I can’t afford therapy and I’m too busy all the time. I fear this will ruin my career and my relationships with all the men in my life. Please if you have advice, I need help. 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Sorry if you can’t understand my English since it’s not my main language. *** I’ve been sexually molested ever since I remember by ""step"" dad (I didn’t know that I was adopted child until he got arrested.) Actually ""ever since BEFORE I remember"" because it seems like abused was already began when I was really young. And it lasted until I turned 10 and asked adult for help. Since I was growing up being sexually molested I’ve thought doing sexual things with dad is normal thing to do and it something like dad-son’s secret thing (because he kept saying what we were doing is secret between he and me and I was really happy to have that secret) and happens in every family, until I turned 6. When I was 6 I noticed it is not normal and I am a victim of child sexual abuse. But I was keep doing everything what he said because when I was 6 my little brother (1st ""real"" son to him) was born and I thought if I didn’t what he said my brother will be a victim too. I don’t know why but asking someone for help was not my option. I’ve just thought if I keep being a victim my brother will be safe. After I noticed I’m sexually molested it was nightmare. I was scared every night if he came to my room with camera. When my brother sleeping with me it was happened at another place like his room. I always wished my mum is stayed at home because when she wasn’t it happened ALL THE TIME. And it lasted 4 years. But one day whilst my nightmare time he said if my brother joined this it would be more fun. And at the night of same day my brother told me (He had been told me his highlights of the day every night) that dad asked him to take clothes off and he danced in naked. It made me realise that only way to save my brother is asking adults for help. Next day the police came, they arrest him, and my nightmare time was end. I’ve been taking therapy and still. I still seeing some nightmares and sometimes had flashbacks when I’m alone in a room with men or touched by men (even just a handshake.) But now I really worried about my mum. As I said I was an adopted child. According to my (""step"" but she is ""real"" for me) mum, my biological mum was the best friend of her. She gave birth to me as ""single"" mum but died from an accident when I was still baby. She was looking for my ""real"" dad but there was no clues since she didn’t tell her who he is. My mum’s best friend’s child (me) got to be orphan so my mum and her bf (who will be a man who abuse me) had serious discussion and made big decisions to grow me up as their child. Because of it, since when she found out what happened to me, every midnight I hear she is crying and keep saying sorry to me and my biological mum in her room. Saying like it was wrong to adopted me or she couldn’t realised what happened to me and helped me etc. But whilst I am awaking, she is completely act normal and being great mum and also she is working for living whilst we are in school. But at midnight she is keep blaming herself. I feel so depressed from it, more than the fact I’ve been sexually assaulted, because it was not her fault at all. I love my mum so much and she is really amazing woman (mum) and I feel like she is superhero for me because she saved me from being an orphan. If she didn’t maybe I was not being a victim but also I couldn’t have great mum like her and could be still orphan. So I want to save her this time but I don’t know how can I help and what I can do for her. I hope someone gives me some advice.",3.508475260939381,4.3901130997340445,4.866191288639103,85.44599056603775,72.25797872340425,7.430790847049378,25.75782818145323,7.6368930633389525,1.2597008932155762,2849,87,595,33,53,951,257,752,0.11,0.746,0.14400000000000002,0.9867,0,1,1,0,3,0,81.0,2,1,2,3,29,37,8,1,18,0,84,2,1,4,5,121,142,69,1,20,27,24,3,6,3,5,0,8,5,11,36,36,0,6,18,1,0,8,16,14,0,1,55,13,117,23,64,66,14,75,0,1,2,1,115,22,0,15,49,415,153,4,0.0,0.18578760037939554,0.0510061658387118,0.0,0.0,0.15322746734746354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541340308216864,0.057679193314901615,0.1253964404032646,0.04349128041924729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05480770317381886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19545462459044655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223035215295844,0.0,0.04447633825414112,0.0,0.10970437856721073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195616578075946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054802151387654686,0.0,0.0,0.0834637149703636,0.0,0.05741409855745694,0.13483450761901508,0.0,0.04501847324759574,0.0,0.054246078275001344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046294058913195116,0.0,0.058292793665747536,0.03452261417297799,0.09455905187054922,0.17615265237051916,0.0,0.046975234854885375,0.0,0.04927375158232007,0.0,0.052856685135462426,0.03734037036872096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573093187628679,0.0807644721481745,0.0,0.0,0.1002807271292661,0.0,0.0,0.08360721427452604,0.1152516199339898,0.0,0.0,0.23110272230747184,0.05564040800866448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890999363134316,0.0,0.21020539885293896,0.0,0.052429207099216536,0.10382811520053063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18583330116063487,0.0,0.0,0.08617561007852707,0.0852110220894963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321344113897273,0.052386408607828096,0.046153726093124715,0.04625565999589914,0.04389207436602152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047174037930215684,0.09891475759579132,0.0,0.0,0.05251037294262477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03842309767888097,0.03875616425874001,0.0,0.0,0.055587760914670686,0.14715032874150147,0.15363504178663087,0.0,0.11901524990176808,0.0,0.0,0.03541824504664907,0.03975227651744567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03623614779150435,0.0,0.054609082630453006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17847776220543468,0.13393723808818592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841922935874907,0.0,0.19887588547093116,0.12469717082043963,0.0523295273844267,0.0528981491472944,0.04165094119200737,0.047582952505497635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25942047811844315,0.0,0.05230588841884287,0.0,0.13285987873928778,0.0402385685263657,0.05169452793450167,0.11701980917077914,0.0,0.05571088380057106,0.16696561965652998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859827435193001,0.0,0.045684659039027985,0.0,0.05977317443859668,0.0,0.1041738910964788,0.0,0.0,0.16598026216020964,0.12191189336796347,0.0,0.0,0.09988889724064316,0.0,0.0,0.1137054564506756,0.0,0.054412978108203995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06165820755644445,0.04148801743815381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471638674564767,0.0,0.06010578262997693,0.0,0.0,0.03805182915310553,0.05308083433383955,0.0,0.0371297877148555,0.0571470069850797,0.0,0.033658969120862595 ptsd,username050801,2018/11/27,"Why did I have to find him? (sorry for the bad Grammar and punctuation) on the morning of July 23rd 2018 (I don't really remember what time it was, Breakfast time I suppose whenever that is) I was asked to wake my brother for breakfast when I entered I turned on the light and I saw him laying on the floor dead His face was very disturbing, I'd rather not get into the details but it is something a 16 year old shouldn't have to see, I was very calm about it I knew if I started freaking out I would cause a frenzy amongst my grandma and my brother in law's kids so I calmly walked into the kitchen and asked for my brother in laws help, he didn't expect to see what he did that day he was showing signs of shock and absolute disbelief (from what I could tell) after he started to freak out I started shaking and telling myself that this was probably a dream but no it was real and I had to deal with it so while he was checking my brother for a pulse, I called an ambulance the lady told me they would be at my residence immediately but a police unit showed up and started to preform CPR long story short I find out he passed away about 30 minutes before I found him. He had a seizure and died due to asphyxiation from his vomit (I don't know what the medical term is, please tell me if you know the term) well in the following weeks alot of the adults in my family told me not to cry because the men in my culture are supposed to be strong men who don't show emotions to anyone so I didn't cry until his funeral, it was sad seeing him being lowered in to the ground. In the last couple of months I have been showing signs of PTSD but I didn't really understand what PTSD was until I talked about the incident with my brother in law I told him of the signs I was experiencing and asked what they might be, he told me I should probably start seeing a therapist. I'm very nervous about going to see a therapist because I haven't been to one since I was in the sixth grade (due to my dad dying on November 22nd 2007 and my mom dying June 17th 2008) I am nervous because I don't know what to expect I'm scared of what I'm going to hear.",6.123582530001968,5.061552660633488,6.828312020460359,80.33523017902816,66.51131221719457,9.858902223096596,32.565807593940576,8.964715089967882,2.486360495770214,1684,59,356,24,23,559,203,442,0.11199999999999999,0.821,0.067,-0.9577,2,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,2,1,10,14,0,5,27,0,44,7,2,1,0,53,77,24,5,10,9,7,0,0,0,5,2,1,1,4,19,18,3,0,9,5,1,7,12,10,1,1,28,9,57,4,60,39,3,55,0,1,6,0,47,24,0,4,24,235,76,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05841711068570461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343119139862562,0.0,0.07849395507372918,0.0,0.06975718736102236,0.15278608830730056,0.0,0.07109125517164372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530952215309248,0.0,0.0,0.08582446923576106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670446007298046,0.09244175126538023,0.18354210311448196,0.053880078505528985,0.08613196991159583,0.0,0.0,0.26012180481269825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09397769122299768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787594704174359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271855094380518,0.0,0.0,0.09160357088310367,0.0,0.0,0.043649191020752896,0.0,0.09496191715747873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09416209952976036,0.0,0.05599893574467109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774363012211846,0.06810091334617598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393533408958376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841635244918298,0.0,0.08862880740226736,0.0,0.09784773874473428,0.06668539746118976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766718032815363,0.0,0.056612742756733024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170811339238696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801528354683697,0.0,0.19532095413239603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950933210291814,0.10704305641692376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464101567296174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364384142958121,0.0,0.3328756148382367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910988378167167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06431757773096776,0.0,0.09352259471498127,0.2956704567967112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715088591601723,0.21906792784615206,0.0,0.0,0.19400604282587874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743236359024177,0.0,0.0,0.3193260669064849,0.0,0.0,0.09087375373343112,0.0,0.08697404200039388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20680190842034515,0.0,0.0,0.06701533801781262,0.0,0.07511763665240176,0.0,0.07538701853266397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869696636548023,0.0,0.0,0.05380070519548503 ptsd,Canadianshoveler,2018/11/27,"Having a bad week cause court and stuff Child sexual abuse survivor here, I’m having a rough go this week and could use like some tips to get through. It’s been over a year since I disclosed to the police, and it’s now going to a preliminary hearing on December 3rd. I’m really scared because I don’t know what to expect and I really don’t want the lawyers to ask me a bunch of questions that pick apart my life which I’m almost sure the they’ll do. I have also been doing a lot better with trying to block some memories out of my life (CBT therapy) but because I’ve had to rewatch my police statement and have had many meetings lately with the crown attorney, I can’t really do that very well. Everything’s just looping in my mind and I find myself staring at a wall or just pacing thinking and such. I also have my girlfriend, who is amazing and really cares about me, but who I feel like I’m hurting by burdening her with all the stress and anger and fear that I project through nightmares and flashbacks which have come back and just the constant anxiety. I feel really bad for her because I can tell she’s doing her best but I want her to still like me for who I am and not just see me as this abuse. With school being busy and me having to work as well this is all just a really crazy stressful time, so again, any tips? ",6.532409066947813,5.495806081180813,6.7637137585661575,81.04727859778599,65.6789667896679,9.956879283078546,31.165260938323673,9.04235418022936,2.333580706378493,1052,32,218,15,14,340,148,271,0.16699999999999998,0.705,0.128,-0.9368,0,0,0,0,2,0,17.0,0,0,1,4,17,19,1,4,14,0,25,2,0,3,3,53,44,23,0,4,10,0,3,3,1,1,2,1,0,1,15,20,0,1,7,0,0,3,4,9,2,0,4,6,30,10,28,37,7,20,0,1,2,0,16,7,0,6,13,153,45,4,0.0,0.2623693256562705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086972134016022,0.0,0.0,0.17708490470362942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752931487457361,0.0,0.0847002179556517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035079129584142,0.0,0.0,0.08513656523462189,0.18489254143548192,0.202480986058988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619342639434065,0.09792251989188787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288604727071695,0.11373956458584075,0.0,0.09537516202908224,0.0,0.11964859189406833,0.0,0.08840061945262923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950766896918334,0.0,0.0,0.12459037160946862,0.11196634872642794,0.07909812958499693,0.0,0.0,0.10119574081380517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784643966264081,0.0,0.12584904055809548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12478907584715893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852765955238065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084861599522645,0.0,0.12489657123233505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640910556963328,0.16227606343622988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412987456501216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225233206573493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179526903834418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403133092094712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.425579001089544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11084967013723836,0.11205418196826816,0.08822921441888562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158842646975664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884208437772647,0.0,0.25365793631944084,0.0,0.12674749298400462,0.0,0.0,0.1043519459622649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677384142237727,0.0,0.1266175522836062,0.0,0.0,0.07094467164076289,0.0,0.0,0.06456150973029175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517136454461769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956262158206197,0.0,0.09135529462519176,0.130610619099902,0.0,0.17762522587306412,0.0,0.19910049806638472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060521316681311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07129981505083274 ptsd,Bell_98,2018/11/27,How do you cope with PTSD? How do you cope with ptsd when you’re not allowed to have/use your coping mechanisms. I would smoke CBD or have a therapy dog or go into some form of wilderness therapy but I’m in a federal program rn that doesn’t allow me to have either and I’m struggling with flashbacks daily and find myself disassociating more everyday. some days I can’t seem to function at all. I’m against taking medication for religious reasons and I’m afraid of addiction.( runs in the family ) how do you cope when everything has been taken from you? ( I’ve also started seeing a new therapist. Doesn’t seem like it’s enough ),2.6002814258911826,5.165133105691061,4.313008130081304,80.99251407129456,79.73170731707317,7.687054409005629,25.72170106316448,8.617729084823388,2.2312781738586613,504,20,93,12,13,169,83,123,0.033,0.915,0.052000000000000005,0.3094,1,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,5,0,0,6,3,0,2,4,0,11,2,0,6,1,25,22,12,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,1,9,1,15,19,7,12,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,6,7,61,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006596964196941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471979444934217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870769001381225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19018993855978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654271363006293,0.0,0.17352155117972962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682334817212219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460925575572927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992561324664801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18542767295375787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777261006336267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4303278673577142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925105801775366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146677200165251,0.3351345275454094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302832434739849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924263113748169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839512973567136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209922571125441,0.2137154383527628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140938253559853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075558796232484,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jessprod89,2018/11/27,"Undiagnosed Docu-Series Hello, I am a producer working on a new docu-series that is focusing on mental health conditions and we are currently casting individuals & families for the series. Please email Jessica at [FightStigmaNow@gmail.com](mailto:FightStigmaNow@gmail.com). We are working with mental health advocates and are looking to help those with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental health conditions. Thank you for your time.",12.498225806451616,16.428376887096785,10.752451612903226,40.058677419354865,54.322580645161295,13.347096774193547,39.81935483870968,12.340626583579946,6.807634838709678,365,17,38,13,5,113,44,62,0.0,0.878,0.122,0.7579,1,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,2,2,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,1,0,8,7,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,1,8,7,0,6,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,3,26,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20486597502864504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17824594658284576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.602943337682291,0.0,0.0,0.12673502318561955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877793128427728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5716385716105115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18261274718796336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20755090650449745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407765382875615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1102529244032469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2753021269457259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,whalecock,2019/09/30,"Triggered by my gyno appointment This morning I got my IUD checked out since I had it placed last month. I was supper triggered having it placed, the only reason I didn’t have a full on flashback was because I had my (fucking wonderful) boyfriend there holding my hand and talking to me. This time I didn’t think would be a big deal because it was just the follow up, so I went alone. It really freaked me out, mainly because I had to see a new doctor who doesn’t know my abuse history and doesn’t know I need a lot of extra little assurances during my visits. Of course I was too shy to speak up so I just tried to get it over with. It was over quickly but I felt so shaky and out of it all day. I’m still having trouble not dissociating and I’m home with my day completely done. I told my boyfriend I feel shitty, which is a pretty good step for me. But I’m still just not doing great. I keep trying to distract myself but distractions just make me anxious about other things, if that makes sense",2.8005389742103763,4.516727906403943,3.831590843233848,88.86051869023474,75.35467980295566,6.35282526803825,24.256447406548823,7.048011613610866,0.8718602723848159,787,25,162,8,17,254,120,203,0.154,0.7879999999999999,0.057999999999999996,-0.9559,0,1,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,13,9,1,3,7,0,20,5,1,5,2,38,40,11,0,3,10,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,14,9,1,2,7,0,1,4,6,6,0,0,15,5,28,3,21,23,5,26,0,0,1,1,6,13,1,4,9,117,42,1,0.0,0.17539691039464553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331930226682655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672370724124526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707217337970013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552115644436778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909402672944584,0.1526172735237451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151978623728432,0.0,0.1514908926703824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485079128691036,0.0,0.14213652508357152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368556929622041,0.07734201983237818,0.0,0.0,0.12416448127865805,0.11839687127000514,0.16320877722560032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849087217119988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13158004142412574,0.0,0.0,0.1627119972299682,0.1206680368513313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836965757221016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585380652438385,0.0,0.0,0.19762862093397285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815988366247612,0.0,0.0,0.10976585287471544,0.0,0.14297283385424495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11258705857778313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093295037981325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506045073672268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09483481822583953,0.1522043247554744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796448824122975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12245583198813667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364414021986369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898468285034405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983476755434592,0.0948546571412438,0.0,0.0,0.08632022290549636,0.0,0.0,0.1414534978891957,0.0,0.20101168546736226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13722964820288855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16053731531458834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515960218274566,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwawayacct4245,2019/09/30,"Wondering Silently Something I’ve been pondering for a long time is if I have PTSD. I don’t like labeling myself with different things. Every day is harder than the last. I get this horrible thought in my head about it happening again. I feel like he’ll be able to hurt me again.. he did enough. I’m afraid and scared. I can’t even take a shower without feeling his hands all over me. I didn’t want to do that with him. It hurt and I didn’t want anything to do with that. He didn’t care that I pushed him.. that he saw my face about to cry. He just didn’t care at all. I can’t think of anything else. I can’t sleep in my bad in certain positions without thinking of him. I hate him. I hate that he took advantage of me because he could. He leaned me over the bed and took everything I ever had. I was ruined. He got on my back and I just lost it. I couldn’t feel anything. I felt like an empty body, like I was just a ghost. I’m truly terrified. I can’t go to school without being afraid to be near boys. There have been times that I will be walking in front of a boy while walking to class and I’m alone. My heart races and I do whatever I can to get away or walk faster. This has left me with a broken sense of safety. I’m scared of what’s in my head. Sometimes I randomly get scared and I’ll start tearing up. It’s uncomfortable when I’m at school and do this. I know I can’t cry or I’ll have to explain what’s wrong. I couldn’t and it’s too traumatic to explain. Thank you if you read all of this, I hope you all have an easy recovery if you are struggling. You got this :)",-0.2888489736070383,1.7994503167155431,1.6456004398826989,98.44840065982409,88.35483870967741,5.169530791788857,18.78892961876833,6.6274283507984215,-0.10569038123167164,1222,35,296,15,40,402,155,341,0.19399999999999998,0.691,0.115,-0.9831,2,1,1,0,0,0,39.0,0,5,0,2,14,24,2,6,9,0,37,7,7,0,6,49,75,16,1,9,11,0,5,4,0,2,0,0,2,2,19,13,0,0,12,1,0,8,15,14,0,0,18,6,49,10,41,48,5,35,0,4,1,0,23,14,0,8,17,186,68,4,0.09867968060737324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220238887468217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24361490725850896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927128082670746,0.07587858325390097,0.08239341145414404,0.06015421738657336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961087941321468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20122102207035186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07878769532629637,0.0,0.21678999101274551,0.06364023042546263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309926333531692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243421084741044,0.0,0.0,0.10196248880877594,0.0,0.06517699837093707,0.08926142062770241,0.0831418869314379,0.0,0.08868693402737005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496862345232121,0.07049678354303994,0.09474796842347948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466818079120073,0.0,0.0560819365633022,0.0,0.15784631028419316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872621156664503,0.0,0.0,0.1948515097648068,0.20254764278341886,0.0,0.0,0.1169358966438749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801118857011944,0.0,0.0,0.211277278063784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054231771765216034,0.08043711029653318,0.0,0.0,0.10721576171275968,0.0,0.0,0.1928396297662544,0.0,0.0,0.08732841206906994,0.0,0.0,0.10772052826546248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153512659287546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870638473038684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963867252923453,0.19973821006275103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098750945892556,0.0,0.0,0.07596843918455619,0.09759672735359172,0.0,0.06984598583542749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031614278265399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741948389789669,0.0,0.0,0.09085099187005828,0.0,0.0,0.06555839501096193,0.12645990964467885,0.0,0.07834064377496776,0.11508183064625928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21927351210224044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164076646491866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28537107213868035,0.10701390422534582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10789073974837897,0.0,0.0 ptsd,assffjskhsjao,2019/09/30,"Feel Like An Imposter? I was diagnosed with PTSD a few years ago because of long-term childhood abuse. I have the textbook symptoms that they show in movies and whatnot. Suppressed memories that come back to me as flashbacks where it’s like it’s happening to me again in real time. The problem for me right now is it feels fake. It genuinely feels to me like I made the whole thing up, none of it actually happened to me, and I just convinced myself that it did after hearing about PTSD or something. I have always been a bit of a hypochondriac, in that I’ve always thought I was having a heart attack when I was having a panic attack, or thought I was having a stroke cause of numbness due to a dissociative episode. What if I’m making all of this up, and feel the symptoms of PTSD because I think I have it? Is that possible? Is it common to feel like that with PTSD?",5.200798097251585,5.792205052325585,5.5326004228329815,83.24664904862581,68.24418604651163,8.115010570824525,31.33403805496829,8.00094639256281,2.1088186046511623,687,27,135,8,11,219,95,172,0.13,0.7959999999999999,0.073,-0.897,0,0,1,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,1,0,7,11,2,1,12,0,15,6,1,3,1,25,30,8,0,2,4,0,6,4,0,0,5,1,0,0,17,6,0,1,8,1,0,1,1,6,0,0,9,7,17,5,23,21,5,19,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,15,100,34,1,0.0,0.1344542881857574,0.11073932340356443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005924582022246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18884755944258094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25819793026425153,0.0,0.08725849524191746,0.0,0.1383517263110662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388988858060365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657439113124245,0.0,0.09775227716994404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517899280699907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868924498150526,0.24320867579105404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069855229641875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278992986273832,0.13447339082183418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217608077908696,0.0,0.0,0.1004255153725658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073767568162516,0.07574824292236045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314338325602199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793074024545928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858426259538767,0.5306044186678153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291641660978143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09691061131250707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873618273411911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358966651587276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07539053384787163,0.07271288518329194,0.0,0.18017960797219645,0.06617063037587424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12669546710214813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307688013037933 ptsd,PastelSprite,2019/09/30,"I'm tired of being tagged in photos in social media posts Idk how to change this besides de-friending/blocking my family or deleting my social media accounts. I keep my disorder private because my family is toxic and I don't need them having that information. &nbsp; There's one picture in particular that keeps coming back to me. When I worked retail, three co-workers and I went out to a festival. I had a great time, my outgoing co-worker took an uncomfortable amount of pictures of me, and that was that. As the day went on, things between one of the co-workers and myself got more and more uncomfortable, and at the end of the day, that person hurt me and caused one of the most significant traumas in my life. &nbsp; My outgoing co-worker loved this one picture they took of me, blew it up, and posted it in the break room. I had to look at it going into work every day until I quit 3 months later. They posted it online and a relative took it and re-posts it and tags me every year or even several times a year. &nbsp; I hate looking at it. When someone on my friends list 'likes' it, I get notifications. I hate social media. I hate looking at my dumb, temporarily happy face. I hate reliving that day all the time. &nbsp; I'm not really sure what to do, or why I'm posting. I guess this is just venting. I just hate it. I hate social media, but I don't live near my friends and family anymore, so I keep it because everyone's forgotten how calling and texting works.",4.3871281296023525,5.644052484536086,5.953117329405996,77.06278350515467,70.54639175257732,8.841826215022092,29.32106038291605,9.23628265651192,2.616244182621501,1167,45,216,24,21,398,147,291,0.11699999999999999,0.8109999999999999,0.07200000000000001,-0.833,0,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,0,0,3,4,10,17,7,0,12,0,10,4,1,3,2,35,37,24,0,1,7,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,1,21,16,0,3,1,0,2,7,3,9,0,5,9,3,36,8,30,27,5,44,0,1,3,1,13,16,1,5,17,146,57,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3012011719704444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892264481027334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05343913209806669,0.0,0.0847298152212574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096451118743548,0.0,0.0,0.07139286862147894,0.07351892592480551,0.059865768233670465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792800305233879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964992409631863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061553977847127066,0.0,0.0,0.04590230966813575,0.0,0.1171089413660926,0.06640764616744359,0.0,0.0,0.19654760143391625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738687957271903,0.0,0.03630946963875874,0.0,0.039496915833198885,0.0,0.05558333764775293,0.07662101603106859,0.07655910858100193,0.0,0.0,0.07398116566949488,0.0,0.4116851602903608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439829453583048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853171741380809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908799662543265,0.03395286919873844,0.0,0.061367387094433824,0.0,0.17508068010993558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272402450519145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547207995938395,0.0,0.0,0.05153136562718067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837267002865066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060682359691990616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3327960017145574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391893066628462,0.0,0.0,0.04452174846908757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851216475074219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28337497190464045,0.05888483479074914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550038058970276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617091649438404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12157329946609048,0.07987692020917997,0.0,0.0,0.2316421645544409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288493824122853,0.06271050153637167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541640229013752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08950796228550942 ptsd,disneyho,2019/09/30,"Has anyone else struggled with telling people? I grew up in an abusive home and left when I turned 18. When I went to college, I was thrust all at once into a less dangerous world, and I didn't know how to adjust to not being afraid all the time. I was kind of a mess emotionally, and didn't know how to hide any of it, so too many people near me knew, even if they didn't know the details. Time passed. I started to feel a little better. I'm happy now, but still very mentally ill as a result of my experiences, I've just gotten very good at hiding it. I transferred schools and am about a month into a new school. When I transferred, I promised myself I wouldn't tell my friends at my new school because I didn't want to be ""that girl"" anymore. I've made amazing friends who I'm really close with, but none of them know there's anything wrong with me at all. I've been making excuses to leave when I'm triggered, or pretending I'm sick or something. It's been really difficult, but it's also nice to just be a normal, happy girl with normal, happy friends who don't pity her or tiptoe around certain conversations. I don't know know if I want to tell them or not. I don't want to hide it anymore, but I also don't want to be treated differently or like it's a big deal. But even if I wanted to, how could I say anything after a whole month of lying about/hiding my mental health and my shitty upbringing? Does anyone have any anecdotal experiences or advice about how I can have this conversation without making it into a big deal?",5.442335818246363,5.1905345559105465,6.233839190628331,81.34054934327303,67.65814696485623,8.872488462903801,29.209975150869717,8.344100000000001,1.902006886758964,1208,37,248,15,18,399,153,313,0.175,0.7040000000000001,0.121,-0.9094,1,0,1,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,3,1,22,22,1,2,13,0,23,3,0,9,4,64,47,31,0,12,19,0,1,1,3,1,3,1,1,2,11,14,0,0,9,1,0,3,13,7,0,0,12,2,31,15,37,29,6,34,0,1,0,0,20,17,0,9,15,161,42,6,0.0,0.10507844421047377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086662962685901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184437325417715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206190839591488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17590542340995308,0.12402266929276892,0.09086931877690747,0.1459620932836957,0.07894936976174792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406218109799224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843558706926787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708085789837637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828628067100666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926580261145178,0.0,0.0,0.07760974302010099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408579862095427,0.09975984760831387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715257358296635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350391087794764,0.0,0.0,0.04484232178693801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555582173223333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438563478459187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832237860418252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426910337891906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889593197057954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235285349275887,0.29243713845644675,0.0,0.0,0.09390570115036324,0.0963576317355291,0.0,0.0,0.043327514845284944,0.08888670131446355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391686648944903,0.11839722816370254,0.08991371520249974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787493193296517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141576687016975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17130704197655294,0.0,0.0,0.17378696031579402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444772818694502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229674540067213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362908427215387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052669112740556,0.0,0.26926499305628426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827483916105255,0.0,0.0,0.06277242892109347,0.0,0.0708247785952281,0.0,0.0,0.09271389498171233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325464992105828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103427075270623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646493445482797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635052639012927,0.26154659310983536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221283887079447,0.0,0.09901478600087683,0.0,0.08549016872718378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09696425229156283,0.0,0.0 ptsd,taydiane,2019/09/30,"New Memories After Being Triggered? Hello PTSD Community! :) I have recently been diagnosed with PTSD. I have very mixed feelings about it. It took me 6 months to open up to my therapist about what happened to me. I recently saw a new med manager and on the intake paperwork I wrote that I have been through trauma and wrote just the name for my trauma. And she continues to say that all of my symptoms are due to my trauma. Every time that I leave her office I become VERY upset and cry out of nowhere for a few days. I never really saw what happen as trauma or myself as having PTSD. It sort of makes sense, but it just doesn't sit well with me. Have any of you experienced that? It also has me thinking a lot about what happened, and I am starting to remember things I haven't thought about in a very long time. I also wonder if this is normal? Also, do you guys find it helpful to talk to your therapist about what happened? I sort of just want to forget about it again, and just deal with my depression without dealing with my trauma. Thanks for any advice! :)",2.928972672064777,5.072452798076924,4.166973684210529,84.68592105263158,76.30769230769229,7.071255060728745,23.92813765182186,8.032893268588372,1.4417461538461538,834,27,159,14,19,273,115,208,0.127,0.8059999999999999,0.067,-0.8729,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,3,0,0,15,9,0,1,6,0,15,2,0,2,2,39,32,14,0,3,8,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,17,12,0,0,6,0,0,1,4,7,1,0,8,5,28,2,36,23,3,22,0,1,2,0,15,5,0,6,15,124,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671251075579848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619902794241491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14852440876036738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060681539545028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995504557848816,0.0704272988402222,0.225168268232516,0.09405691539134893,0.11083937263929858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200875732086533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05521663000775876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09981012763986014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812874989808108,0.3862735918072506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07319688262925687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563086275227485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664176469684344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284101010085398,0.0,0.0,0.07289426239481256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130060040583066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716528530663277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422456169763669,0.21093906777365407,0.0,0.0,0.10699635863553146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38295955354894295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699586334332443,0.0,0.21565079492915132,0.0,0.12370641020238785,0.0,0.0,0.0868430994308546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772948822519261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350437148599203,0.0,0.08777373086618115,0.0,0.10054001865780766,0.0,0.25358763264431816,0.07255003079113669,0.06997326838943914,0.0,0.08669547381568803,0.12735501464748233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213292367212332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703132625085792,0.06441112273424833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818716660086252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052683899450717,0.1184266644314646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Overall_Competition,2019/09/30,"I’m having a pretty bad hypervigilance episode, after not having any for years. (sudden proximity to mother likely the stressor) I don’t have access to outside help right now. Can anyone recommend some apps, or fuck, even vitamins, or something easy to read or watch. Youtube videos. It’s very bad, and I’m trying not to give into it and assume the worst and track everyone down to make sure they’re gonna hurt me. I tried CBT but it’s moved past that.",3.284659090909092,5.496562693181819,4.2545454545454575,84.1518181818182,75.47727272727272,6.672727272727273,22.363636363636363,7.645422480735847,1.010677272727273,359,10,68,5,8,116,69,88,0.13,0.7659999999999999,0.105,-0.4939,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,0,3,0,5,2,0,1,1,14,11,7,0,0,6,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,1,2,0,1,3,5,0,0,0,1,3,2,9,10,2,9,0,1,1,1,3,3,1,5,6,37,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586641870503461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314131523180544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38962143657452597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410428630590955,0.0,0.0,0.2229452720762164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156986582724032,0.0,0.2238198099231624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15638808427412745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24977165996027845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398735082695866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15574152396954394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24798002567107436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272835600848293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23736820490075355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333810600810904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992522296536942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961953442044665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21989937928000436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31681510585283923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19251171980334736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024909145562934 ptsd,risyelis18,2019/09/30,"PTSD and my pet I have PTSD and bipolar after some childhood situations. I was looking for different ways how to feel calm and happy again. PTSD and other issues made it difficult for me to study in college and work. Once, my friend gave me a puppy that he found near his home. He knew that I wanted to adopt a dog. So, Dexter became my first animal in my life. I don't know what happened, but I felt parenting and I'm responsible for his life. I see how I became more focused and less depressive. I get a lot of dopamine every day. A few months ago, I found out about the emotional support animal. The difference between [ESA](https://www.takeyourpeteverywhere.com/) and service animal that it is not a trained animal that helps people with their emotional stability. So, it helps me to reduce rent costs because I need an animal for my health and travel with my dog by plane. It was an awesome opportunity because I travel to my parents to another state. Now, I really can't imagine my life without him. He is my support. I suggest everyone have a pet and get a lot of love. Do you have a pet? What is your story?",3.7221077457795424,5.982169636792452,5.070069513406158,78.58615193644489,74.33018867924528,8.23674280039722,26.72393247269116,8.99025400887824,2.3670622641509422,881,33,160,20,19,293,121,212,0.021,0.7659999999999999,0.213,0.9916,4,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,1,3,7,9,0,0,12,0,11,6,0,3,0,31,30,15,0,2,3,2,2,0,1,0,5,0,5,0,11,13,0,0,7,2,2,2,4,2,0,1,8,4,31,7,23,22,6,16,0,1,2,1,17,4,0,3,8,113,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052431763684315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449425639874966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474817887202696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656825952770177,0.0,0.1022582780634324,0.0,0.0,0.2480861901158344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671008822171003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003152932711737,0.113447501576798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060031285116738976,0.0,0.1139952980602165,0.0,0.0,0.10098802631057074,0.0,0.26035322084105583,0.09172718724990794,0.0,0.1240585640909294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104988751213129,0.12638572353221034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619987541072533,0.0,0.0,0.15915867846900328,0.0,0.11909156511617808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12391879292174662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524854400126043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515784354345534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969969262654163,0.0,0.0,0.20187270201413116,0.107154586551878,0.11234113528436504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476572716931664,0.0,0.0,0.08803360788460217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12643900390256566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636616963003709,0.0,0.0,0.08230945675193854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4163519965641743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605872849209366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460901756021732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345266985638968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694570522480119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002749847293471,0.09423894053798992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444734547698195,0.0,0.08643372921511278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Nobody_2027,2019/09/30,Is it possible to be loved like this? I am scared my boyfriend is going to leave me now that he knows what happened to me. He tells me he loves me but how could he love me when I am so broken and used and disgusted. I thought I could do this. I thought I was ready to feel again. Now I'd rather be numb. But somehow the thought of going back to not feeling is more scary to me then going through life afraid. I don't want either. I don't understand why this had to happen to me. What did I do to deserve this? And now I just make everyone around me feel inadequate and I made my boyfriend feel bad because I asked him if he would ever hurt me. I just don't know what I'm doing. I want to die but I can't even do that,0.09625000000000128,1.9319410573248448,1.8406966560509552,99.34282842356691,84.28662420382166,5.198885350318472,20.00358280254777,6.322622252153567,-0.1914200636942676,554,16,139,5,16,181,84,157,0.247,0.665,0.08800000000000001,-0.9821,0,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,0,15,10,1,2,1,0,21,5,0,4,1,35,46,12,1,7,9,0,4,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,10,0,0,3,5,6,0,0,7,4,27,4,13,34,2,12,0,1,0,3,11,1,0,2,9,98,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13214656652386556,0.13877503281918527,0.0,0.0,0.11414421658075688,0.12394447811946628,0.0904900397868981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237040792633964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406135943213406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980458134443806,0.13427603009325684,0.0,0.1418445331942279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3002308379147216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530923129625275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26253694791841764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15891229350717695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316179971925734,0.0,0.0,0.15718068455119194,0.0,0.0,0.1048503352944902,0.07252220429491439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019293179087555,0.14046123247706094,0.09908747362386554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673482230174815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486182666775585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12974653469077915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3535436888774324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545353626413955,0.0,0.1282078911610615,0.0,0.0,0.17511214779690498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394755468931835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545030632036133,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DesolatePillowcase,2019/09/30,"Experiences with “rehab”/inpatient therapy? I have PTSD and it’s being suggested to me that I go to a facility-not a psychiatric hospital, but a treatment centre for a month. This clinic deals with anxiety/depression/PTSD/personality disorders, and addicts. Has anyone gone to one of these facilities? What was your experience like?",6.794821428571433,9.801758839285718,8.795857142857141,51.94914285714289,67.75,13.765714285714285,37.98571428571428,12.340626583579946,6.861568571428572,269,15,36,13,5,95,47,56,0.0,0.919,0.081,0.5845,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,4,2,0,0,0,5,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,1,7,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638178557909485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692133963342386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494933931278149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2773552107127125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734487042465606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753529005466392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822993301951573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931636545843045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16398679026088184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113067758679077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5657746786178306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2767503304293906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Prudytudy237,2019/09/30,"Coming to terms I have recently come to terms with the fact that I have a very mild form of ptsd and anxiety due to a traumatic childhood. I cope well for the most part now and only have ‘flash backs’ or intrusive thoughts about the events that transpired when I’m under extreme stress. I moved away from home when I was 19, nearly 8 years ago. When I moved away I went through the range of emotions..I guess basically processing everything I had gone through/witnessed. I grieved. I was angry. I didn’t trust. I lashed out. I would get drunk and have panic attacks. My relationship with my SO suffered but luckily we made it through. I’m definitely in a better place now and recognize when I’m feeling a certain way. I usually try to channel it into something productive or just vent to my SO.",3.848733031674208,5.8963952810457565,4.501960784313726,83.74805429864256,73.31372549019608,8.106385118149825,30.72347913524384,8.841846274778883,2.6092206133735547,630,29,121,13,13,201,100,153,0.12,0.7390000000000001,0.141,0.8005,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,1,12,9,1,2,8,0,9,1,0,1,2,23,21,13,1,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,11,1,0,2,2,0,6,1,5,1,0,8,2,18,4,21,12,5,31,0,2,0,0,2,8,0,4,16,81,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913864225183007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287066202203324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140246416103385,0.3161425859346768,0.12936967380949788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148798632198823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898555648146515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512073530404966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850694996471853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08790083332083204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853403398486045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687630014405362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1591970611632449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576346613449933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795756164083827,0.0,0.1973987290746916,0.0,0.1821924523041984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577974569001667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19666887554794224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612119592016827,0.18063168290105305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952287425078465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272356354993952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335673795764051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142270055663144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529760237934045,0.13881937371870204,0.0,0.13354469262581636,0.0,0.0,0.15127205577987132,0.15596438339083407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951610112567575,0.0,0.0,0.1083439740654781 ptsd,dogforbid,2019/09/30,"I am losing. And I feel like everyone is just watching it happen. I've never posted here.. I'm 37. I grew up in a volatile, addiction riddled household and have always had trouble with things like loud noises, conflict, looking people in the eye, etc. Despite that I was able to build a somewhat successful life. I was married, no substance issues, good career, owned a home, had plenty of ""friends"". However, in 2012 I lost my mother traumatically. My father followed 8 months later, and his death was even worse. I don't want to get into details but I will say that I was witness to the aftermath and was never really the same after. The smell never leaves you. I was raised to be a tough guy, but month by month little things would start popping up with me. Fear, guilt, anger, shame. I tried to put on a brave face for the sake of my wife, but it was obvious I was degrading. No violence or outbursts, but I became withdrawn and had a hard time getting out of bed. The carefully manicured ""normal guy"" image I tried to cultivate was wearing off. I went through several diagnoses (major depressive disorder, mood disorder, borderline) before they finally settled on PTSD. My ex and I did not survive it. The comfort she provided me went out the window after our son was born in 2015 (even though she assured me her support of my condition would remain unflinching after his birth). She would make casually degrading remarks like ""I don't understand why you can't just get over it"" and ""You're a kind man but you're just too troubled for me now"". If she saw me begin to tear up, she would quietly get up and leave the room. She didn't sign up for this shit. The worst, however, came when we split. I told her the thought of waking up and not seeing my boy in the morning anymore was making me want to jump on the train tracks. I needed help to make this transition easier. For the first time since his birth, she was comforting. Assured me we could make it easy on the two of us. She didn't hate me and I wasn't sick or broken. I woke up the next morning hopeful that this drastic change in my life would be overcome. After I left for work she took my son out of daycare and fled the state to go stay with her mother. She said ""I don't know what people with your condition are capable of."" She finally came back 6 days later with him but still, to this day, insists she regrets nothing. The person I had put all my faith in had accused me of being capable of harming her and my son and deemed me a danger. This sort of treatment would continue with longtime friends. As I sit here, I can't help but notice that everyone I've disclosed my diagnosis to is gone. People I did a lot for, back when I had money and status. They don't have time for me now, or in a few cases just hit me with ""toughen up and get over it, bitch"" and move on. The last person I confessed my struggles to said ""Nobody's gonna hold your fucking hand through this dude. Get your shit together."" I feel so fucking alone, and I don't want to fight this shit alone. I don't want to be an eternal victim. But I've withdrawn completely due to my harsh treatment when I disclosed my diagnosis and symptoms. I have no more distress tolerance left. Anything which requires adversity defeats me instantly. Most of my efforts to live a sustainable life are being shot down. I feel like a loser. And sometimes I look back at photos of when my life was much cleaner, and all the people who loved me so much and wonder where they are now that they're needed. Stay safe out there. I hope you're all winning your fights.",3.936127801621364,5.500181814020031,4.786516452074395,83.80110991893183,72.0615164520744,7.752885073915117,28.395088221268484,8.344100000000001,2.008109394372914,2804,108,541,45,54,908,330,699,0.192,0.6629999999999999,0.146,-0.9895,3,2,0,0,3,0,98.0,4,6,3,11,25,55,12,5,33,0,54,19,8,4,9,103,109,41,1,18,18,8,5,4,2,8,8,5,4,6,23,37,0,4,8,1,1,14,19,31,0,2,38,17,100,23,83,56,15,97,2,6,6,3,60,36,6,11,46,375,123,4,0.06598655163566355,0.0,0.0,0.07193508126371319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668433398361599,0.0,0.0,0.05490609703331074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06544092810722164,0.0,0.0,0.05430130957757295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522187553032195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056149695302773694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509420721065287,0.06727768716569071,0.0,0.06980502212602585,0.0,0.06918564394331139,0.0,0.0,0.052684892106502484,0.0,0.0,0.08511173374757643,0.0,0.056834120232755726,0.06697496090419862,0.0,0.0,0.1512526099624057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359244783094132,0.08716699004273118,0.0,0.0,0.12610595575884587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425321594348483,0.10009434954308072,0.09428161134650898,0.0,0.14457008383941386,0.0,0.05612812711204989,0.0,0.0,0.10196209221399008,0.12200700738808737,0.20685149841091252,0.0,0.037501677955226784,0.05534638880125727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067412102035295,0.05835168968748392,0.0,0.059110989185929226,0.06514805850223697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845878924914705,0.0,0.06618989150512919,0.13107906948315975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06887281606329944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871483924439871,0.036264483081551065,0.0537878466907924,0.0,0.1397404609525291,0.14338916285238554,0.0,0.18643301149776276,0.12895078407886945,0.06613586002805147,0.05826733402395906,0.0,0.1108241684725169,0.0738220725740857,0.07203211600260069,0.056099406499224236,0.05955543913816856,0.0,0.17618614244310513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580095079014873,0.07013326152900734,0.09701541592430896,0.09785638385056944,0.152678689689889,0.0,0.07017744626563494,0.0,0.06465281033145771,0.06331587596155826,0.07512612639312242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18298706568990555,0.11523382333662865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319687609935408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713474768662952,0.13266942000339674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04227267466002819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12553664274758924,0.05247515436693045,0.0,0.0,0.0525827383459835,0.0,0.0,0.07454602102311987,0.20320274100534527,0.05458475739923052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526238683942764,0.0,0.04670562087864003,0.14066576850710227,0.052696945374544536,0.0,0.0,0.06898347098598252,0.0,0.0,0.07488075682013598,0.0,0.06858529294882211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876770656515245,0.0,0.06483145195001733,0.05238595122937376,0.11543186672564085,0.0,0.0,0.06305297787942292,0.07331348682733105,0.08960107417921398,0.0,0.06445927272708342,0.06869432739345799,0.0793736969078941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568231122926066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12234038891446353,0.05954259929963991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155960045103865,0.048038995486800025,0.0,0.06724593350556085,0.2812497182119112,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,W0lfGirl69,2019/09/30,"Another milestone (crosspost) Posted this also on r/cptsd, thought I'd share this here too. Spread the positivity and maybe hope. I can't believe it.... I had to call my mom from our downstairs garden to come and look... to tell me that I'm not hallucinating this number.... 10 years.... it's been 10 years since I've seen this number... the struggles that I went through to get here.... all this journey.... can say that I officially lost 25kg. I now weigh 91kg (I'm 181cm). I admit, I broke down crying, I'm still tearing up tbh... it feels like a weight has been lifted from me. I only have 10kg left to my end goal. But I'm taking it slow and steady. As I always have. Especially in my recovery. I'm glad I had my mom to share this moment with and to have her support my mini breakdown. I know I still have body dysmorphia and I can't really see the change that much, but I can feel it weirdly enough, and I have the numbers to prove it. No matter how slow the progress, it's still progress, and one day you'll realize how much you've achieved and accomplished.",1.4843849206349198,3.5082038009259264,3.007539682539683,91.82000000000002,80.43518518518519,5.966137566137568,21.85978835978836,7.07126945348624,0.5016232804232805,815,25,181,10,21,267,125,216,0.064,0.805,0.131,0.8945,0,0,0,0,0,0,53.0,1,1,0,6,10,10,0,1,6,0,15,3,1,2,2,25,35,14,0,1,3,2,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,17,10,2,0,7,1,0,3,4,4,0,1,8,7,25,6,17,26,4,20,0,2,3,0,11,5,0,1,12,106,42,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950594678484555,0.12434483690301107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669933941887604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16836606116866787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599252990146807,0.0,0.0,0.15259345800135876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808616092318115,0.12872807038091846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1641512195603448,0.09637549583021914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13235819110517832,0.15440995969582896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15112123232624375,0.1067589231367356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807546952221554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842618941202088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212751366049098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236541141981142,0.0,0.0,0.0730081224179648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549073689636467,0.0,0.16312981982106978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150131099758961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500412248442372,0.0,0.0,0.2197090436580715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10126342248979664,0.11365474394949365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312081309634006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09573415558687913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883952536742252,0.0,0.0,0.11908316884331215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361710489237593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3580254342560131,0.0,0.0,0.15622560903485092,0.0,0.0,0.1695810847441035,0.0,0.0,0.11235918454154817,0.0,0.13061587109915496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186375086481501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197588325685488,0.0,0.1385310241318989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19246704099357395 ptsd,threwyourfriendaway,2019/09/30,"Changed my memories to feel better. Am I a bad person? When I was younger, something bad happened to me (which I don't wish to disclose) and, at first, I didn't really acknowledge it, because I didn't really know it was bad. I eventually found out and was, at first, sick to my stomach and couldn't stop worrying, and I felt like I did it to myself. I began to pretend it never happened, and I made up scenarios to replace the reality (changing ages, changing people, changing places), which, for some reason, made me feel better (despite still knowing what happened, I managed to keep it somewhere away from the surface). Because of my environment, I had no choice but to stick to the fake event because I was always anxious someone would stumble into my messages and find out what happened, and the fake event was far less extreme. I told people this fragmented truth until I finally broke free from that cycle of telling lies that made me feel alright. I expected it to be a really bad time for me, but I felt okay. However, I have to live with the guilt, no masks, nothing, and it's still troubling. I still don't know what drove me to pretend that nothing happened at first. I didn't realise that it hurt me the entire time. I'm worried that it's PTSD, and I'm worried because I don't think I've seen anyone else talk about something like this, I've always felt like an outcast and this only adds onto the strain. I feel like a bad person for lying.",7.748662613981763,6.5833365106383015,7.747983789260385,75.39000000000003,63.326241134751776,10.042958459979737,38.227963525835854,8.841846274778883,3.35246018237082,1144,51,211,14,14,370,135,282,0.223,0.6779999999999999,0.099,-0.99,1,0,2,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,5,5,22,0,2,11,2,18,2,1,4,2,44,46,14,0,4,2,0,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,2,22,15,0,2,15,2,1,1,10,12,0,3,21,8,33,11,32,22,2,30,0,2,1,0,6,12,0,1,21,140,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460599440788826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09137729533826364,0.0,0.056556838754492585,0.08287648442180058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759943432360419,0.0,0.3376789737830804,0.19722756018789192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14307283904747214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3422634252162497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756923698702265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16359202569292172,0.05778442985109429,0.2329875375757104,0.08860582407191489,0.0739276417402667,0.20640282516128056,0.0,0.08868648803336374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576327420886922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658931968118283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189451556638246,0.0,0.0,0.13335723363979235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580657655385934,0.0,0.07142314662279924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296067024144965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06238368159773047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552231337886111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061516867967861134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215127860038904,0.1412517390394679,0.08450785767072486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455051421212138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545146303448135,0.08316349559528867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853379927431287,0.1245388150872738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19378516551892175,0.06762368037395727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501249004605243,0.07069726275996491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182799420470949,0.0,0.0,0.09432966492796566,0.0,0.0,0.07728931071798073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301403134813073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464286549153239,0.0,0.057458552028512765,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,12040701,2019/09/30,"Am I overreacting? I was diagnosed with PTSD after leaving an abusive marriage. I feel pretty good most of the time, but still have triggers. I feel like my relationship with my boyfriend is strained at times because of my triggers/responses even though I’ve tried to explain it to him. For example, he sometimes reaches out and touches me while he’s talking (like when he’s making a point). Last week, I shrunk back from his touch and he looked at me like I was the Antichrist. I told him that I don’t like to be poked or touched unexpectedly, but he still didn’t seem to understand. This has nothing to do with him and it’s a reflexive response for me. One major trigger for me is violence, screaming etc. in movies...especially in the evening or near bed time because I have nightmares. I’ve left the room before and gone to watch TV in the bedroom when he and my daughter were watching a scary movie and there was no issue. I’ve told him many times that movies can be triggering for me. Last night, a movie came on where a woman was getting ready for a bed and a man in a mask was lurking outside. The music got ominous and I knew I had to get out of there FAST. I quickly went to the other room and turned the TV on to drown it out. I could feel my heart racing and my breath quickening just imagining what was happening on that TV in the other room. If he wanted to watch that movie, I was ok with it, I just couldn’t be in that room. He came in and told me we needed to have a conversation about communication and how those situations could be better handled in the future. I told him that I left the room quickly because I knew something was coming and didn’t want to see/hear it since it was close to bed time. I said it had nothing to do with him and I wasn’t angry or anything. He continued to try to have a conversation about communication with me in that moment. I resented it. I feel like I did what I needed to in that moment to feel safe, and because it made him slightly uncomfortable, he was forcing me into a conversation I didn’t want to have. He implied that I wasn’t an adult. I have been suicidal at a number of points in my life, am an alcoholic and have done a lot of shitty things over the years to deal with my trauma. I’m now almost 4 months sober and am really trying to be better. Leaving the room felt like the right thing to do in the moment and was a lot better strategy than things I have done in the past. I can’t always articulate how I feel and I don’t always want to. I don’t want to always have to explain why I need to leave the room. It’s really discouraging to feel like I’m making progress and have someone treat me like I’m overreacting or a child. I know he means well and that he loves me, but it’s discouraging.",4.819793735676092,5.11805798217469,5.700358543417369,82.74247058823529,69.0,8.693068500127323,29.21930226636109,8.591530228387361,1.955761456582633,2172,74,457,32,35,715,225,561,0.114,0.764,0.122,-0.5407,0,0,2,0,0,0,50.0,1,0,0,4,21,23,1,1,35,1,55,6,2,8,0,90,102,35,2,12,10,1,11,8,0,0,3,2,11,4,30,37,1,3,17,3,0,5,11,6,1,1,37,17,61,17,74,57,5,72,0,2,4,1,42,39,0,10,36,310,91,0,0.0,0.08615143267801749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770665645197136,0.07281022894102251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150578932724026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05983550454879789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05591078187133252,0.0,0.17729742347388974,0.0,0.061872271126410236,0.0,0.0,0.1929226755229766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632554743882952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06263466074131074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610869519778735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496253346709403,0.0,0.07380080902310082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14881855571868324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08109272651435523,0.0960507374459528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573564166186828,0.15583568320390898,0.06981460074908181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597768740371648,0.0,0.0,0.060987094503608924,0.058154160535413515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429868489152454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195133055213227,0.08616367267042048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07589208678212263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03996042930209821,0.11853942272752098,0.0,0.23097346229830715,0.15800287272713906,0.0,0.05135839906210908,0.2841859722112107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061059485382032076,0.0,0.0,0.12363371413626326,0.06562511617453362,0.06880153516010411,0.0970712015014055,0.07371821537995787,0.0,0.07920431892857595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058037756991761426,0.0,0.0,0.1617443339737968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823497162476701,0.0,0.1395376064990392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927130574072988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941151137831497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13747205111011507,0.0,0.0,0.07397390323615255,0.0,0.0,0.08499604488323259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09316190849123253,0.0,0.0,0.07806511622348257,0.0,0.062095364297643674,0.0691654438594474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579417826930054,0.06619396861298793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014784035716195,0.08173095753476885,0.0,0.0,0.06160835747618992,0.05597699179675901,0.0719136955438878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161352585856824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953475951605844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05844288175448732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14491919720064497,0.0,0.07143884131410702,0.0,0.21199378186485307,0.0,0.0,0.27791644614609257,0.0,0.14809934207853312,0.07908941142893429,0.0,0.07569540718637642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144361184424622,0.0,0.05832491145999639,0.0,0.0653765188153044,0.0674044415718516,0.06561096774565292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046823928071182366 ptsd,cultyq,2019/09/30,"Why am I attracted to my abuser Why am I still sexually attracted to him, and even more drawn to/attached after he r@ped me?? I try to repress that and keep it hidden but I think about it often and feel aroused. Sometimes my brain will randomly pop in with ‘if you fuck him consensually this time, it will feel nice and validating that he wasn’t just using you, AND it will erase the fact that it was r@pe in the first place!’ I know it’s not true logically, but my brain can almost be convincing sometimes He’s moving back close to me and wants to see me. He wants to hold me and comfort me when I’m going through my suicidal spirals that he caused by being selfish and careless and not listening when I said no. A big part of me...wants that?? To be around him, be held, comforted. By him. A part of me wants him to touch me again too??? But thinking about him kissing me again like he likes me gives me an anxiety attack. Maybe I want to use him for comfort and self harm? Why? Why the fuck is my brain like this? I feel so weak and like I’m going to give in. Last night I had a nsfw dream about him and I enjoyed it, I feel so sick. All day he’s been wanting to come over to see me.",1.3875409258933258,3.2257394210526336,2.9780179545854617,92.8392360499912,79.89068825910931,6.2389720119697225,21.670304523851428,7.255503002510835,0.4982749163879601,915,27,210,12,23,301,127,247,0.184,0.647,0.16899999999999998,-0.8622,0,0,0,0,1,0,33.0,0,2,0,1,16,22,3,1,7,0,15,9,4,3,3,49,44,20,1,6,7,0,5,4,0,3,2,2,0,1,14,16,0,4,8,1,0,4,4,8,0,1,6,9,37,14,28,31,4,23,0,0,2,4,22,7,2,4,16,137,51,0,0.0,0.12603438116037582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10651699990902844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137490560291331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469434988010396,0.0,0.12101442355184006,0.0,0.0817941219814931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3562416940211648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10927417372568483,0.0,0.09163075366633412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06860166000902508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07025823528229788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514114787960806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09048065462992244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19667989056313906,0.0,0.2040849770421695,0.12090823427389885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454903770330364,0.0,0.0,0.058459712409147074,0.08670803445839513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787352008389096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068657813246329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11305745872845648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998236727456964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303827663633313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113694220190183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118489784247624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169530708846941,0.0,0.110970035934186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104108505938348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08494946045442556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163545849992986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363187981598705,0.0,0.0,0.062026838734167665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07222015292880699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837439022799471,0.0,0.0,0.3764486227966099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38393964952676796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Oosterlinckedforever,2019/09/30,"Feeling worse after telling my mother TLDR: I'm very new to this, seeking counselling and accepting I have PTSD. Tried to tell my mum and I have no idea how to handle my feelings or what next steps should be. After telling your parents did anyone feel like it made you regress? I tried to tell my mum in Saturday and instead of acting supportive she tried to blame me for old arguments and refused to talk about it. Yesterday I got a text from my mums best friend saying my mum wanted to have a meeting with me, my husband and my grandmother about it. My husband is supportive of whatever I choose but thinks meeting with the family will be a good idea. I ended up telling my mums friend I don't feel comfortable meeting with everyone yet and would prefer my mum set a plan for counselling first so she can deal with her own issues before potentially bulldozing my own. I feel like I am completely out of control and I'm not sure if I shouldn't have spoken to her about it at all.",5.138052884615384,6.144033718750002,5.473125,82.12860576923079,68.58333333333334,8.824358974358978,30.915064102564106,9.057496981413335,2.544779967948718,782,31,150,14,13,249,112,192,0.076,0.8009999999999999,0.12300000000000001,0.852,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,4,7,11,0,0,5,0,15,0,0,3,2,37,28,12,0,6,4,10,5,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,6,12,0,2,11,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,3,6,30,11,27,19,4,17,0,0,0,0,30,4,0,2,12,104,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444825259230827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277009943438284,0.0,0.1267452575492733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662963653045306,0.0,0.1354587335390599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245130795752879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697025035075282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540509296373935,0.0,0.0,0.1138553340584108,0.0,0.3053357695559372,0.17256247822302842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10273062343912852,0.0,0.0,0.1866199682627992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129981738579884,0.09659430229313873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726791420113246,0.0,0.1260570714940567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800852017510778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427963578702276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166446459681268,0.12844492017063705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673239229921454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13410565305364364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411787837290252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604463217554866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741066637185143,0.11382842108354685,0.0,0.0,0.09707386943772292,0.5278106445318302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738734417160695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24599362257902924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965150959971722,0.07123585675279394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307940827922892,0.08579465228520562,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DoesItGetBetter5,2019/07/05,"Can PTSD cause gastrointestinal problems? So long story short, recently I’ve been noticing I have more stomach troubles. Vomiting, diarrhea, etc. Yesterday I had another “stomach bug” but I noticed as soon as I was home it started to go away. It started after this guy was too close to me and was being generally creepy. I almost shit myself in a McDonald’s and threw up as well on my way home. The last time this happened, a man had gotten too close to me and I almost threw up in my car on the way home. Does anyone else experience this? Is this something I should tell my psychiatrist?",2.7495238095238115,5.388513,4.275000000000002,81.03666666666669,79.71428571428572,7.3047619047619055,27.190476190476193,8.344100000000001,2.276783333333334,464,20,84,10,12,154,75,112,0.083,0.893,0.024,-0.7461,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,4,0,11,4,3,1,0,12,18,8,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,2,6,5,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,1,0,9,0,13,1,14,7,2,25,0,0,0,0,3,10,1,2,9,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113893402154398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303843008361654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087179607564698,0.15931163373744564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608224588920135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972479927189634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606501205132496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298868504123422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340565311249212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209309299249654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883650856889464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395350996130402,0.1374939026857777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678890988485187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12674013380228868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375983621188385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.354038910159306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487770974296517,0.1817523631092432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15352159733919854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15960199294374508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196991054440783,0.0,0.0,0.2201046148401075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1358997852000198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09066391470646762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24683177140068416,0.0,0.0,0.13979870243211207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,begaydocrime69,2019/07/05,"i think i have ptsd and i dont know how to help myself //tw brief mentions of panic attacks and self harm// first of all i want to make it clear im not looking for a diagnosis or validation for the reality of my situation. ive been traumatized on multiple occasions throughout my life and as a result experience a mental “shut down” in reliving said traumas as well as near daily panic attacks attributed to my current situation i will explain shortly. i only include the title i have to specify that i have not been evaluated for ptsd by a medical professional because i lack support and resources to obtain such. i am here for support and advice for obstacles that align with what this subreddit is dedicated to, however i wont lie about my diagnostic history for validation i dont need. finally i’ll explain why im here. as i said the situation im in has become debilitating. its become so unbearably difficult to function ive considered hurting myself to guarantee hospitalization in order to remove myself from my house and my parents. im so on edge my chest hurts and i cant breathe properly. im panting consistently and i feel dizzy all the time. i feel like every second im back in a traumatic situation and its impossible to focus on anything else. i dont have access to therapy or a reliable support network. im all but isolated currently and i dont know what to do to make this better besides hospitalization. i wont be able to convince my parents to hospitalize me willingly and the thought of asking makes me want to vomit. i dont know what to do.",5.468593576965674,6.767831318936879,7.8764119601328915,64.12188261351054,68.03654485049832,11.314728682170546,37.256921373200434,11.20814326018867,4.9133273532668875,1261,69,210,42,21,456,156,301,0.1,0.813,0.087,-0.5387,5,0,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,3,9,16,2,2,11,0,24,5,2,6,4,40,46,21,0,4,5,2,2,1,0,4,3,2,0,1,10,12,0,0,9,0,0,2,10,9,1,2,5,5,35,7,44,36,4,20,0,2,1,0,10,11,0,2,7,152,45,1,0.0728447278251674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07118302495755598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994500422705231,0.0,0.06809998720109597,0.16574278821496224,0.0,0.0560130992608495,0.0,0.044405469961902935,0.16090255752658672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442524209734388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4268673924593616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060852422866611876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061374824960052664,0.0,0.0,0.07125612162038279,0.0,0.0,0.07366496625515588,0.05204028811336443,0.0,0.0797978387103046,0.0,0.061961688275340925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882628556024833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840530355898704,0.15596357549467582,0.0,0.5507936438846472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010067207550072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05145238553745295,0.035588254486048784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611712249596312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458732644156429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338339962980618,0.0734103523849339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401344267016687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540169802019199,0.0,0.17093518565885846,0.16177089931503252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17030317729343747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858403487311516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599293796647133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275221045997635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479900016607604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330429474905904,0.0,0.0,0.046675960249174066,0.0,0.0578305770581256,0.0424763465966386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593141562620507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06549615861494598,0.0,0.06573103658959911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hotsweatyandready,2019/07/05,"Anyone have any hints for how to deal with firework triggers for a soldier? Hey there! So I’ve had PTSD/cPTSD for a few years now. To spare you the details, this post isn’t for me. I hate fireworks, but simply because they’re loud, random booms. I’m lucky enough to where they do not trigger specific incidences; I just dislike loud noises. However, my ex-fiancé is a soldier who served in Syria all last year, and came back with his own PTSD diagnosis. I’ve helped him as much as I can, in a weird “Master guides the novice” way, but last night was hard for him. Hypervigilance, going so far as barricading doors ‘just in case’, the works. Our town has multiple fireworks shows planned, as they made this Independence Day a long weekend of sorts with all of their events. There are shows scheduled from now til Sunday. I was just hoping someone with a similar trigger could help me with guiding my ex through his trigger, as this isn’t something I can personally relate to, and my techniques with loud noises aren’t helping. Thanks in advance for any tips and tricks.",5.549317697228148,6.857167019900497,5.214260838663826,83.25055970149256,67.85572139303483,7.732906894100925,30.27754086709311,7.957251820313856,1.9663600568585649,845,32,159,10,14,259,128,201,0.055999999999999994,0.855,0.08900000000000001,0.8671,2,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,1,3,4,12,6,2,0,9,0,14,0,0,7,2,30,21,14,0,2,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,4,10,0,0,0,3,0,3,4,3,0,0,5,5,19,3,30,15,6,27,0,0,0,0,17,7,0,4,15,100,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23746559572050616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208315666047165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13425527765686732,0.0,0.10643347320339913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19969388555698192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13940249617711173,0.0,0.0,0.112601427695716,0.18000313012340746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804066662631537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922820962071492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15640573824008586,0.1723796256039679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510885816718088,0.0,0.0,0.17341545889082574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28464175564906663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451395778483448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16520908663727027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834980396439116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638486308861419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15245245814193958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721686097480468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40819202392105575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793653141864546,0.1344142636632199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074661143978852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858796470710188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271096061307944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22487109833836955 ptsd,Unicorndaddy6969,2019/07/05,"A horrible 4th I'm not 100% sure if this is PTSD but my boyfriend said it could be. As a child I had a horrible childhood, I got help for it but I still experience the fear and anxiety from time to time. Every other year was great I had a place to escape from the fireworks, but this year I did not because a family member decided to buy huge fireworks in the dozens. No better place to shoot them off then my house. I got my boyfriend to comfort me the best he could but my parents made him leave because we wouldn't go outside. So I sat alone and having a panic attack while my parents were getting mad at me and yelling at me for being a baby. I tried getting them to understand my fears but I get laughed at and made to feel stupid everytime.",2.494223227752641,4.205457738562096,3.730718954248367,89.27746606334844,76.18954248366012,6.7991955756661655,26.148315736551037,7.61054688173877,1.3193513323278032,586,22,124,8,13,191,94,153,0.243,0.594,0.163,-0.9193,2,1,0,1,1,0,10.0,1,0,2,2,2,12,3,3,11,0,12,0,0,2,1,22,25,14,0,4,8,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,0,1,1,4,6,0,1,11,3,22,6,17,9,1,17,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,1,8,86,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822841401819525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094858592784136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628188450664176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448837229530453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019485708936867,0.12657737479122408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285382025010324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058416808083125,0.0,0.0,0.13999812059509653,0.1349201221285726,0.3220979643906415,0.07236540941959582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22432175402348656,0.0,0.08133798635607649,0.0,0.2289311286132367,0.1577895140684716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959298381476736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16514043629240405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15154265523690374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708458509161063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679196410892558,0.31783405209363513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29905837738053204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729878226795558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613921151983974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142952437754646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348882298866718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669080089695565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716859813285962,0.0,0.0,0.14899222031984272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843282509926884 ptsd,suriservshumnty,2019/07/05,"How will I ever feel safe? Catcalling/harassment on the city streets for girls? I walk outside my house to the corner store. It's the morning. On my way back, a druggie said HEY BEAUTIFUL and eating me alive with his eyes. I didnt even acknowledge his presence. He stopped, and yelled back at me, you cant even say hi you white bitch. I'm walking to the subway and a group of younger city kids pass me, they start saying stuff to me and when they pass me, I still hear them. I say ""stfu"" as I pass them, fed up with the fucking day. They stop and threaten to fight me. I'm walking to get my dinner and on my way home a homeless man is screaming MISS MISS following me, I sprinted away. There is a building of projects across from me. Everytime I walk out there are these druggies lingering right across from me. I'm paranoid they know where I live. I'm going for a run and walking through the block to get to the river. I hear a guy say hi and whistling from a car parked on the street, but I didnt see which one it was coming from. I was walking to the river another day and a homeless drugged up man started saying hi and walking towards me and when I didnt respond and walked away he screamed IM GONNA GET YOU til I was out of distance. I go on the subway.. WITH my boyfriend for the first time in a while. A bunch of city kids get on and start doing a very very loud, screaming, violent type performance. I was triggered and they were stomping back and forth down the train cart. It was so long til the next stop. They kept coming over to us and across from me was the only other white girl on the cart. He puts his fist out for her to pound it. She didnt at first but he didnt move, so she did. Then he comes over to me and puts his fuckin fist out. My bf put his hand in front of me and pounded him for me. He walked away. He did this to the only two white girls on the train, even when I was with my bf. I was on a train alone and a bunch of city kids got on and were hanging from the subway handles and started talking shit about white girls and dumb bitches. I was walking to my apartment and heard a guysaying, blondie, blondieee behind me. I was walking on the river and a city guy passed me and said PUT A SMILE ON. Then I gave him a death stare and he called me a bitch. I've been raped by one of these city, drug dealer type guys. I live in this city alone. In my hometown these types of bad people would stalk me and pick on me for some reason. I'm a walking target. I dont feel safe leaving my house to go to the corner store. I'm scared to go on the subway to go ANYWHERE now. I dont have money to uber everywhere. It's so hard cause this could be real danger. It's so triggering and idk what to do. There is no one I know in this city or state. My bf is 2.5 hours away and very busy working full time. I am no contact and estranged from all family members and friends. I have a new therapist but even getting to her office is a fucking long trigger. AND WHAT PISSES ME OFF IS THAT.......if you dont respond to these people.. they WILL retaliate. And how fucked up is that? How fucked up is it to go on a subway and have a stranger shove their hand in your face for a ""pound."" And what if she didnt do it? She had no choice but to touch a fucking strangers hand that was invading her personal space, minding her own business on the train. They get mad when they are rejected because they look like idiots, when they are trying to be cool and have game when they do it. Are they trying to scare me on purpose? Are they this stupid? I shouldnt have to deal with this:-( I need a body guard. So I think.. I moved here bc I can walk places and the water and views. I used to love it. But I used to live in a nicer, expensive area that I cant afford. Even in those places there is crime.. I lived at my bf's before in the mountains and it was fucking hell. I didnt have a car and there were no stores within 30 min drive and no fun or anything. So I guess I need to settle for something in the middle. What sucks is that I am all alone.. I have no money or support... idk where I'll be at the end of the month.... my bf was supposed to get us a place but he bailed on me.. now I'm on my own. I feel bad getting mad at him for not visiting me, and not seeing him, and needing him just for me to leave my house and stuff.. I dont wanna put it on him but I literally have no one else. It's so hard. But then... I have nothing to loose.",1.0347799883822262,2.8104958136315226,2.2564612982863785,97.89011163955854,80.74653887113949,5.162750508277664,20.787600445348044,5.919800608514577,-0.17369020234291765,3415,95,812,21,88,1089,343,939,0.168,0.777,0.055,-0.9988,1,4,5,0,1,0,124.0,2,5,17,4,38,41,23,2,56,1,72,23,8,11,3,111,137,79,1,8,15,0,9,1,6,5,2,15,1,13,36,56,4,8,8,1,6,41,23,33,0,7,34,35,127,8,127,94,8,155,1,3,10,9,97,71,15,6,41,539,163,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16556572945415188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587537215773426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04385011638863333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20025707682564334,0.1229217156732412,0.08898373394088538,0.03248285743289128,0.0,0.0453427494358226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918910965447952,0.0,0.0,0.0544113094942278,0.0,0.0,0.05473974815360686,0.0,0.1377043872620383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425448054340641,0.0,0.0,0.06873056027383585,0.0549358753152677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2498047679964387,0.0,0.1235904709976665,0.05452522735065474,0.04451389835797289,0.0,0.04719587978834505,0.0,0.0,0.17597562049402446,0.04820054397639241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050233617682140984,0.0,0.08082952163498842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065066480665164,0.0,0.0,0.041168893030331465,0.2955741684214977,0.22271930090437253,0.0,0.1817031253093296,0.0,0.04261795278890785,0.0,0.05870090953773294,0.1582855586808376,0.0,0.0,0.09546818578831393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011515270114186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053450542331849496,0.0,0.05247630981880367,0.18445584119771088,0.0,0.0,0.057558389684222375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058569556287696216,0.0,0.0,0.11284507730363197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026033013449639368,0.0,0.1882112529868882,0.09431346569936548,0.04474710392804657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048093001036266785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380401177204354,0.0,0.04253264709999149,0.11326988997818152,0.0,0.118533434679552,0.0,0.051464277881135535,0.056670625635815375,0.0,0.0,0.051129679040177116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443280842322898,0.08105332337993215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738840756377527,0.046527575527435625,0.16701864729627655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678374404603747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065151920634908,0.0,0.05478723092186761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04550624202434282,0.10137502094044548,0.2118771761125036,0.10669784165813842,0.0,0.08492462573892448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469766084152186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0410224267996545,0.0,0.0,0.15086537893573118,0.0,0.04255453884953087,0.133649295255614,0.0,0.0,0.12200021813533793,0.0,0.06046870558694675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04282954052691932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061869546174492564,0.0,0.03414373417549678,0.0,0.0,0.062143385125860776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235585222290533,0.0,0.05205301001758274,0.0,0.12819380875649325,0.09204457551712518,0.0,0.13190042985897155,0.0,0.08459243063302736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03879308914787622,0.0,0.0,0.03785308609130436,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bethybabz,2019/07/05,"I haven't been back to therapy since I was diagnosed with PTSD As the title states, two(ish) years ago I had started going to therapy as I was in a toxic/abusive marriage and wanted advice on where to go and what to do. I was expecting the counselor to reaffirm what I already knew and treat me for anxiety and depression. A few sessions in however, we began talking about my upbringing which occurred in a very mentally abusive environment. &#x200B; After I gave the counselor examples of what I thought to be slightly abnormal (but what I felt, at the time, wasn't THAT different from how other kids were raised) scenarios of what my siblings and I were subjected to, the counselor told me that I was raised in a mentally/emotionally abusive household and then he stated that I have ""at the least, a mild form of PTSD"". &#x200B; I walked out of the therapists' office that day, canceled my future appointments and reverted to only being aware of my previous medical diagnosis of anxiety/depression and tried to forget what was said to me, because I didn't want to deal with my reality. &#x200B; Anyhow, I've since decided to go back to therapy but I have extreme anxiety about setting up a new appointment. I make excuses such as ""it's too expensive"", ""I probably won't find the right therapist right away"", ""getting reimbursed through my insurance is a long process""... Basically finding anything I can tell myself that helps me to prolong and avoid setting up an appointment. So here I am Reddit, asking for advice/tips on breaking that self-inflicted barrier so that I can finally get the treatment that is long overdue.",9.286994350282493,8.765419416949152,9.360000000000003,62.98451977401132,59.91525423728813,13.425988700564973,45.42937853107345,12.573866699077325,6.182724293785311,1308,76,204,41,15,432,167,295,0.068,0.9129999999999999,0.019,-0.8438,2,1,0,0,0,0,52.0,1,0,0,0,11,3,0,1,17,0,23,2,0,2,0,30,40,18,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,17,13,0,2,6,0,2,4,4,2,0,0,18,2,32,1,44,19,3,39,0,1,0,0,13,15,0,1,15,157,49,1,0.0,0.3188878618318701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08766709822859334,0.07952569939160713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900119593996293,0.0,0.0,0.2916139663574271,0.3270355556045147,0.0,0.0,0.1372613272429909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07382665427635222,0.0,0.08387011188249185,0.0,0.08428888675100539,0.13796845183010442,0.0,0.0546885819949096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057857854544620675,0.092490789267788,0.15454039610334686,0.09105742241414796,0.0,0.0937316245059612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091573249399616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613913147069091,0.09827687104920013,0.16399322257604368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374331348867396,0.0,0.1529589305334415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060133139535724016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15878743773634646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598845291560123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903770204698424,0.09041021475784464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664596045855857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823124059792407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672644175212472,0.0,0.2097408108369597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532298599881493,0.08533818424673849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359085767089016,0.0,0.0,0.14842404518862312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634997526246374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721083988300547,0.07841364660356162,0.0,0.30778598387680245,0.2083288242693502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07122258266762205,0.05231272556483312,0.0,0.0,0.08572519586012352,0.0,0.060909650040472225,0.0,0.0876371579165916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402312115356004,0.10583081934374784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270355556045147,0.05777262138322546 ptsd,wereallmad_here,2019/07/05,"The evening after my first memory rescripting session I don't know if anyone here has tried this kind of therapy but i think it will be super helpful. But the evening following it was so difficult, the lowest I'd been for 6 months or so. So I was just wondering DAE feel like this or has experienced this? I really just want to know how long I will feel like this (empty and low). Sorry if this isn't allowed or doesn't make sense, my brain is quite mushy and floaty today 🙈",4.9684375,5.318158968749998,5.7687500000000025,82.20125,68.6875,9.733333333333334,27.458333333333336,9.725611199111238,2.2419708333333337,375,11,78,8,6,123,65,96,0.092,0.74,0.16699999999999998,0.8321,2,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,9,6,0,0,3,0,12,1,1,3,0,21,21,13,0,3,9,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,2,0,1,3,3,7,4,4,15,0,7,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,6,7,52,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554726595725868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482167257612823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2937208543338281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248542163906318,0.3176945242584503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891312461222671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903687243794053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23154385941722094,0.2443960712069137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172584739251356,0.0,0.0,0.19677322093419247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842070448572792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774780706585565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364971569373527,0.0,0.0,0.14244344229429826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24890321277093666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542772076063073,0.0,0.0,0.14247324066850758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21076230244031333,0.0,0.0,0.15096141351356698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311481027293328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24112966353389864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ColdToad67,2019/07/05,"Very new to this, need coping advice So I'm extremely new to having PTSD and I keep hearing different things from different people on how to cope. I understand that there are different coping mechanisms for everyone, but I just want to hear more viewpoints from more people. (Just some background information, my PTSD comes from emotional abuse that lasted 2+ years from someone I considered a friend) I've been told by some people to just let my feelings rage and that I should vent to my friends so there's no holding in anything, yet other people have told me that I should never speak of my abuser and just pretend they dont exist. I really want to hear what people with actual PTSD have to say about these two different views, and what you all do to help cope.",7.609396551724139,7.505472724137932,7.266336206896554,75.24915948275864,63.13793103448275,10.836206896551724,31.91810344827586,10.411451182825502,3.1986034482758634,615,20,110,13,8,194,91,145,0.132,0.7879999999999999,0.081,-0.8983,4,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,11,3,1,0,1,0,10,0,0,1,2,26,23,8,0,5,5,0,1,0,2,2,0,5,0,0,10,6,0,2,3,1,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,7,14,2,20,17,5,9,0,0,1,0,13,2,0,2,6,78,24,0,0.0,0.2547105653228641,0.1048924361141397,0.0,0.0,0.10503568255191144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845317318728678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925910884491642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492068452413779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12597471926167247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209091330375048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027090509553055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434898288873927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16608937558417675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36343916319839775,0.0,0.07204670261418608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553995751959404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08761677675407069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991339939053164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797007267002538,0.08290109812701738,0.20762447442710705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725919949817276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376941914419372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06885933768230176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547848943894969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107393268793257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141001508949281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20541810191061102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049998104725286,0.11189842906527744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868856403474651,0.12679799570659234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692185191755446 ptsd,KingMetropol,2019/07/05,"Am I over-reacting? I had an accident at work this winter, I dropped a heavy metal part on my finger and it was chopped. It took forever to heal because they did not wanted to put stitches. And when it finished to heal, we found out, they should have done there jobs the first time. I had to find another doctor willing to listen to me as I looked fully healed. I had the operation and healed from the same wound again. If I don’t take pills, I can’t sleep for more then 2 hours. Not good sleep, I dream of that accident. I see it while I’m awake. I am scared to hell to go back work in my field. It is not that I don’t want to work. I don’t want to do this. But at the same time, I see so much people who get way more injured then me. And they are going back to what they were doing like it is nothing. Am I to sensitive or over reacting or something?",1.2083241758241776,2.759118664835168,2.8506456043956057,94.8849793956044,79.38461538461539,6.308241758241758,20.715659340659343,7.1686216300943375,0.2681087912087916,655,17,157,8,16,216,108,182,0.135,0.851,0.013999999999999999,-0.9592,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,1,0,4,4,6,4,1,1,6,0,22,11,3,1,0,22,36,14,0,5,7,0,1,1,0,2,8,1,0,0,12,6,0,0,2,1,0,4,7,2,0,1,9,5,24,2,22,25,6,25,1,0,3,0,7,6,1,3,14,113,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051731653216384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500837165607364,0.0,0.09912935643842116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664446221593552,0.0,0.16641288254999292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862830614020242,0.13832129888147218,0.0,0.17830032425804565,0.0,0.0,0.08496027870499896,0.0,0.18483712434039176,0.1363947949324204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16014424935824334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16137153568069262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07944608551593832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655669375868634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954165435974212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560346773256348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609755153531012,0.0,0.1127376322133823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634742458098314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280723453580706,0.0,0.25916819395171153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254673783254769,0.0,0.0,0.12518993369328202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222671818963588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18964568579468144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067263679120776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877458318595561,0.12907720981040846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551596994906043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CajunNativeLady,2019/07/05,"Need some advice First time poster in this sub but I could use some real advice. &#x200B; I was stupid. I didn't fill my meds in time. There was a delay in them and I didn't check on it and didn't get it filled in time. So I haven't had my med today. I'm sure you all know what that means when it comes to anxiety and jumping out of your skin from the slightest noise. Fireworks have just started. I'll get my medication tomorrow but I have to make it through this fourth of july bull first. &#x200B; Advice on how to keep calm and not go nuts would be greatly appreciated. I feel like an idiot not having my meds. And on the 4th too. God, I was so stupid.",0.24012787723785325,2.5399159710144983,1.6845780051150891,97.44341432225063,88.56521739130434,4.406479113384483,16.813299232736572,5.900188976854957,-0.6251207161125318,516,12,118,4,17,165,87,138,0.124,0.746,0.13,-0.0315,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,1,2,7,7,3,0,4,0,14,2,1,3,2,28,27,11,0,3,5,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,3,0,1,5,6,3,0,2,7,2,15,4,15,17,3,23,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,2,11,77,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886944670606529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873211083774735,0.3222212553426245,0.0,0.0,0.10143052433353078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142140236058243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586184308503073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704118202493213,0.0947218903475379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255609434667185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854497302195198,0.0,0.07535360875554661,0.0,0.0,0.14618027617246468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785154647397242,0.0,0.0,0.07286766403124302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06477648109373335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850445079855669,0.0,0.0,0.14442872117011646,0.4418307834287332,0.13356986644505084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831335642783784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091575912932587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384745628117716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496393574475495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319418276043841,0.0,0.12567924327776614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451466648876113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418770209895944,0.0,0.3222212553426245,0.0 ptsd,Altaroa,2019/07/05,"It’s that time of the year again Got everything locked up, doors and windows closed, lights off. Apocalypse now ok at full volume. It’s not loud enough",3.0554022988505736,5.67161431034483,2.421379310344829,94.91988505747128,78.3103448275862,6.625287356321839,20.011494252873558,7.793537801064563,0.5985080459770109,121,3,25,2,3,35,27,29,0.0,0.922,0.078,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5714206877553282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4970214971103116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4423030873216158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3224722129888207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3561287405016785 ptsd,Sasquelch420,2019/07/05,"Experience with meds for night terrors? Hi all. My night terrors are getting very out of hand and disgustingly vivid again, to the point where I am disturbed by them for a few days after and wake up drenched in sweat. I’m currently on 150 mg venlafaxine ER and it’s working ok to control my other symptoms (better than any other med I have tried in 10 years, but I wouldn’t consider my depression and anxiety under control at all). I was wondering if anyone has experience with beta blockers for night terrors? What were the side effects, and were you taking anything along with it? Thank you!",5.620472972972973,7.175332342342343,5.97980855855856,76.90322635135138,67.91891891891892,8.793243243243245,33.69481981981982,9.188382445141503,3.1687738738738727,474,22,82,9,8,152,83,111,0.17800000000000002,0.764,0.057999999999999996,-0.9393,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,5,2,9,1,4,3,1,8,4,3,3,2,20,13,7,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,10,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,3,2,10,3,20,9,3,18,0,1,1,0,4,10,0,2,8,58,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187454812941552,0.0,0.1335814521561404,0.0,0.0,0.12209619799088725,0.0,0.14369483210090478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15443445981208492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3916954073549725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261345615618525,0.0,0.15039728190683338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416176732132678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912301242984288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3879200273323406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4915984012318928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16506941365159633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18149382089567007,0.1312901790347717,0.0,0.0,0.16076378292953636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855341436885415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14407723159077046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18936458166501968,0.12712318440332515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244755990995596 ptsd,ghoulgummybears,2019/04/04,PTSD is ruining my life. I really need some support I’m feeling over the edge semi suicidal because I feel like I’m failing at everything. I can’t even make friends. Maybe I am just a bad person. Maybe everything my ex ever said was true. I just feel like such a failure and just have no enthusiasm to keep fighting. Need some encouragement. I have no one. ,1.0445714285714305,3.6598414571428615,3.1542857142857166,84.91571428571432,91.57142857142857,6.8000000000000025,25.57142857142857,7.908726449838941,2.1165428571428584,282,13,54,7,10,95,50,70,0.268,0.491,0.24100000000000002,-0.5325,0,0,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,6,10,1,0,3,0,6,1,0,1,2,15,17,1,1,2,3,1,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,2,4,8,6,3,15,2,3,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,2,3,32,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16436134010685796,0.11999779604027035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13001742017141488,0.17806189178580498,0.0,0.0,0.3538317705128568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29859948347298537,0.2812590378735764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15208564823041495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749691251492435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390408179624195,0.19234171406855716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313987536977949,0.0,0.39552411575962665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2919232284909146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13339050237883734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188163110108926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23010685340568066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610700680035086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872492146283901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21532170436589465,0.22338279244159864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Piscesthefishy,2019/04/04,"i think I have ptsd I don't like to self diagnose but I was diagnosed with bipolar depression. When I was around 10 years old my mom tired to smother me with a pillow but then she stopped but she continued to call me names and say dark things about me. I always think about what happen to me or could have happen to me. always as in everyday. I barely sleep in fear of being murdered by my family while I sleep. but when I do sleep theyre away from the house. my school counselor wanted to put me through a PTSD test or something. but I wasn't at that school long enough to obtain it. I barely socialize with people , because I feel like if I get close to them I could end up being murdered like those people on the news. I've had a hard life so far dealing with everything mentally and emotionally. I can't maintain friendships or relationships. i have a mental breakdown everyday. I'm constantly suicidal. I get 'triggered' when my family tries to harm me , that I become stiff as in not defending my self while I get punched by my dad. I'm 19 now and i've thought of the incident where my mom tried to smother me with a pillow everyday for 9-10 years. I know this isn't a doctor's office but I feel like someone with PTSD or someone with expierence with it can help me better understand what's happening to me. thank you. -jake. ",2.1411514898357003,4.472228116541358,3.5123725981620737,87.42785157337791,79.86466165413535,7.098635477582848,24.137566137566147,8.167268648758528,1.5588461709830126,1053,38,211,21,27,344,140,266,0.214,0.747,0.038,-0.9943,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,2,9,13,4,1,9,0,16,10,3,1,0,40,33,23,3,4,12,3,3,4,0,0,7,1,2,2,9,13,0,2,7,0,0,1,5,7,0,0,5,4,42,6,38,24,1,30,0,1,0,0,16,11,0,5,22,139,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592605330038192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519350369506698,0.0,0.0,0.08991352623102758,0.0,0.0,0.05833797836555665,0.10569339687207414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08463908574540696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977206455027479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341796187250887,0.0,0.1528177097170068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866274579618296,0.08242647693188289,0.1942674593140618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795325134212447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764988968861966,0.08476200776745565,0.09888393074751167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600920539531577,0.0,0.1804353393243668,0.10768937683944876,0.09677783415826234,0.13673654190348256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499982773751628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538822199198792,0.0,0.08572861806606571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414585394835425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104252286037756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052594349414163334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675959100740385,0.1870172140554972,0.0,0.0,0.08469170135228027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19288666702162466,0.0,0.0,0.22416593012818925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10042130391610013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269299398980602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3356053797331893,0.09620517430983057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274624350693676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610467239061654,0.0,0.1937075052033944,0.0,0.0,0.19967244462569853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2873080622778103,0.0975543433981527,0.16217300647294491,0.07367472064565415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800096862506831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468053035504774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810792374115095,0.0,0.0,0.06357898740918147,0.12264169984211595,0.0,0.07597530115499336,0.0,0.10999334840757093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994836277325456,0.0,0.0,0.09962732543513024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05644648136844513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12325563448289124 ptsd,CoconutSharkFren,2019/04/04,"Question ****I am self diagnosed. I cannot and wont tell a therapist**** I think I had ptsd 2ish years ago. It improved but... Now I think its getting worse I been doing stuff that been triggering me but was ignoring it because it was easy to But.... Now I realized I been getting deeply uncomfortable super fast. Its not a big deal like 2 years ago, but its ruining things. Is that possible? To improve than not. Is it not ptsd and just some other thing going on with me? ",-0.8090890269151139,0.4536903478260896,1.3816149068323007,92.96007246376814,118.34782608695652,5.23064182194617,19.598343685300208,6.655083550727371,0.8835821946169773,360,14,74,8,21,119,59,92,0.14400000000000002,0.7,0.156,0.5062,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,2,0,12,1,0,1,0,18,17,6,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,13,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,6,0,10,2,5,10,1,10,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,2,8,55,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34857108236430145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198534458971782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026993460632415,0.0,0.19955803300708028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20544433118567226,0.0,0.11173968578966187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605516926806716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22165158995010956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4596600973566602,0.0,0.220251531258713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051102147313425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507481944802166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184840798533052,0.0,0.0,0.2282828202668833,0.2612418510595057,0.25196331358378843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20036542070237148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532246219855209 ptsd,AduItFemaleHuman,2019/04/04,Self-harm Compulsions In the past couple weeks my mind keeps pushing me to hurt myself. Usually it's choking or annoying my cat until she claws the bejeezus out of my hand. My regular grounding techniques don't help get rid of my intrusive thoughts nearly as much as the former two. I can't afford any prescriptions or medical visits and am worried that if I *do* seek help it will be used against me in my coming custody battle. I don't know what to do.,4.1375922953451045,5.8539707528089915,5.1460995184590725,80.81314606741573,71.80898876404495,8.231781701444623,30.69181380417336,8.841846274778883,2.679480256821829,363,16,66,7,7,119,67,89,0.195,0.772,0.034,-0.9219,1,0,0,0,0,2,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,3,0,8,2,1,1,0,11,14,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,3,0,1,1,1,13,0,12,11,1,13,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,3,5,46,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16726349467334636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118756244328852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27215373956493233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850568496024156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.329728062611383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633088253372661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21862350358770447,0.0,0.0,0.13517501030230758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2477821721449192,0.0,0.0,0.24835284084674905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081134394719486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23479982396409854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25659338940408394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19526740478287025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402704275521713,0.0,0.0,0.2124333396463285,0.27089385180611664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729694212950355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24978769473381665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NushSaysShush,2019/04/04,"Why do I come back ? NSFW I make the dick appointment, I knock on the door, I lay there and I leave. Why do I always go back to the one that’ll throw me back. That’s hands stay under the sheets like like snakes, not seen but felt. Why do I close my eyes to hear “I can’t help it” and “don’t look at the time” better ? The boys who always go for the wrong hole. When a girl ever so gently brushes up against me, I’ll be dripping in her room yet I always go back to the boys instead, who don’t know how to hold, to be gentle, to be sensual when that’s supposedly the only reason I go back . It’s like reliving the best excuse I’ve never used. Sometimes I can’t recall it fully, cause I was 8 and nobody knows but I wonder if that’s why I do this, so that I can know that it was real in some twisted recreation, or this time it’s not on anything or one but me so I can feel like I deserve it and move on. This is speculation, I realized it’s pretty fucked but does anyone else struggle w like a sexual stalk-homes syndrome too ? If not appreciate the space for a rant and this sub in general, maybe it easier to type this shit ",1.7737516311439767,2.8930505247933915,3.7616659417137903,90.77900608960421,76.80991735537191,6.747629404088732,20.58808177468465,7.273561745256523,0.3429884297520661,865,19,202,10,19,295,128,242,0.11,0.713,0.177,0.9537,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,16,11,2,1,14,0,17,5,4,5,2,36,34,19,0,2,11,0,3,5,0,1,0,1,2,3,21,7,0,1,8,0,0,7,8,4,0,2,4,8,23,7,19,26,2,32,0,0,3,2,9,12,3,6,17,130,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792955382179707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782336269115283,0.1146409188487254,0.09207303805263388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43016897622994427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741795581947374,0.09895449743753534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11493823346031312,0.0,0.0963802936957833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979126108921472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09346679541418784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120772497758812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05657316509201352,0.07993172224299379,0.10742856502793197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343724600125424,0.0,0.0,0.2543506555013399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126104192373557,0.0,0.07499514774124781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184469646682653,0.0,0.0,0.11847162507558333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2733104077455426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395646219493654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07468509288130804,0.0,0.11240500572114892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11891761925724507,0.0,0.0,0.08629374942029866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516343462824639,0.08509470832085886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382877204636133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735130703743794,0.0,0.11503793405609193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484986182059405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065858767712076,0.0,0.0,0.1192560985840988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169680399700412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13048381018427646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663399327172156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4038405742857233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133611263918705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233029946527235,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CaJaSt87,2019/04/04,"How do I get passed it? So I recently had oral cancer. (History:physically and mentally abusive childhood, abandonment, bullied, depression, self harm). After my surgery, a hole appeared in the floor of my mouth. A surgeon came into my 6 bed bay at 2am and using local anaesthetic stitched up the floor of my mouth by a flashlight that her assistant was holding, she stabbed me through the lip (which wasn't numbed) a couple of times and the next day I found out she hadn't done it properly and still had a hole. The surgeon wanted me to go under General and get it sorted but I was too scared and so let it heal naturally which took 3 weeks on NG tube which made me sick. I have bad veins also and was stabbed numerous times every day by people trying to find veins for canulars or to take bloods. 2 doctors gave me a nose bleed because they were trying to very forcefully shove a large NG tube that was the wrong size up my nose. My dietician restricted my water and I had severe dehydration headaches all weekend while she was off and no one would up my water intake because her word is law or whatever. Anyway long story short, it was a lash up and lots of horrible things happened to me along with just trying to deal with getting cancer and going through treatment. So since then I have nightmares every night, I can't sleep, I grind my teeth all day getting angry at how (I've tried) but can't get any help for what happened to me and psychological help. So it didn't really click until I went for an eye test and they did the glaucoma air pressure test and I completely broke down. I was so embarrassed because the lady doing it clearly didn't get it, it's only a burst of air to the eye, it doesn't hurt. Which I get. But to me, it was another test, another thing being done to me in a kind of medical setting and I just couldn't handle it and lost my shit. How am I supposed to move on and break the loop of bad thoughts when I can't get the help I need?",6.066169326856348,5.7182011882951675,6.569693499884341,79.77821825121445,66.3791348600509,9.89354614850798,32.367453157529496,9.457814108942452,2.726303816793893,1549,57,312,27,22,506,207,393,0.215,0.767,0.017,-0.9979,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,2,1,15,15,1,3,22,0,33,26,13,5,3,54,58,35,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,1,11,0,1,1,21,23,2,3,3,1,0,8,10,14,0,1,27,5,42,1,45,27,3,49,0,5,3,0,13,21,1,5,18,207,63,4,0.0,0.1194371527534323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061352736456562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855069117197664,0.21140515306732474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16833552214355202,0.1843489318052068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11529378675857252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569186931427653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153854574573316,0.0,0.1950321857464624,0.10392527764402608,0.08682298907493254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317793975544508,0.0,0.20631652915567705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16986471007324497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213372122173864,0.0,0.0,0.1105272124506364,0.0,0.0,0.4213305977257735,0.0,0.11457933234697028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17828262654518515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20270191025497797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791357674190197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497264165556168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307969326686996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920903737427895,0.0,0.0,0.11004029964967456,0.08570059917607663,0.0,0.0953838979706808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015501869896934,0.10158748503444083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713950307641004,0.0,0.07474544966276889,0.0,0.0,0.10720700215776796,0.09459843528699582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830791186155398,0.07666655976526722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06988532566433593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457810827624111,0.0,0.09953253588122853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092314680256527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516134574469728,0.11388068192775128,0.10347463395844196,0.08338673627606961,0.0,0.10087755650368198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050280876696793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579263159186124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394040203330426,0.0,0.0,0.08002771667162185,0.1175601283474926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11199779357517008,0.2737592507002694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706294394462173,0.0,0.08317448125226805,0.05945725715319545,0.0,0.080859495226427,0.0,0.0,0.09344701920820456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160880679785447,0.11021417665237354,0.0,0.0 ptsd,XXI-X-MCMXCVIII,2019/04/04,"I had a bad experience 2/3 days ago.. Does PTSD tend to develop fast? Hi guys. I'll try not to rant. I had a bad experience involving severe dehydration and an ambluance ride to the hospital, and a bunch of other stuff that makes me sick to speak about. I really thought I was going to die. This was only Tuesday morning, it's now Thursday night. I've been vomiting, no appetite, crying when I think of what I went through on Tuesday morning. I'm agitated, walking around constantly. Anything to keep my mind off what happened. I know a lot of posts like this are looked down upon, but: is this PTSD? Or just general shock? Is it too early to tell? Thanks guys.",2.1286160714285742,4.6662365937500025,3.8319642857142884,83.87375000000002,81.5,7.4071428571428575,26.330357142857146,8.418075326091056,2.142279464285714,516,22,100,12,14,172,94,128,0.162,0.7829999999999999,0.055,-0.8955,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,6,0,8,2,0,1,0,15,20,5,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,2,10,3,0,1,3,0,0,4,2,3,0,0,7,2,9,2,17,13,2,21,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,2,12,62,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462571879561967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426141514852227,0.1452411906520699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724526871997025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763109540715286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17921644026808636,0.10522049935434176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16932755701494942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14277671267620612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191908266620952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272388441240123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230951987708216,0.1442760864276598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501831237473398,0.0,0.0,0.08966488756966569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07970855072200257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370078346869532,0.0,0.0,0.13870725704723794,0.0,0.0,0.10890621698624832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647385082666473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15310849172315594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240855759997638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625593717852915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3814353820228424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452029916259227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843169962955968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677170420834768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260333565356426,0.1502098070276634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454216422662584,0.0,0.12952564129064892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077050546030938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15124491355048658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Pau_Bau,2019/04/04,"Seeking for advice First time writing here. I have coped with my thing pretty well, for almost a year, everything was fine. But recently, there was fireworks outside my home, and it triggered me, I think. I get nightmares again. Everything, once again, all bad things. With only single fireworks. What can I do? How can I get back to normal English is not my native, sorry ",3.21436567164179,6.204246761194033,3.3508768656716437,85.95527052238809,81.38805970149255,5.141044776119403,24.792910447761198,6.6274283507984215,1.1784343283582095,291,11,48,3,8,89,53,67,0.052000000000000005,0.826,0.12300000000000001,0.4257,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,7,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,1,12,10,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,9,2,5,8,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,39,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22434035870365426,0.0,0.0,0.2298885836824783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17653083425121432,0.1916875228433556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126586918115436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195278402145208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398894111823013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23028483073170986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22493708850323973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444924171009397,0.0,0.17460394264014906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335627300141955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22667996632487256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25699308112893965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050420202161793,0.14710391517332816,0.0,0.0,0.13386841648823666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641763575163613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784030572755924 ptsd,outofregsundershirt,2019/04/04,"I need advice about my therapist my insurance covers very little and financially I can only afford to do therapy with someone they cover. I (30 m) did a first session today with a therapist and I felt really uncomfortable. I just didnt really connect with the guy. when I first went in, he sort of opened his arms at me as if he wanted a hug. I didnt because I figured I was misreading his body language and sat down instead, brushing it off. At one point, he reached over and put a hand on my knee. I guess that's a normal thing for people to do, but it made me uncomfortable. At the end of our session, he hugged me. I froze and then sort of patted him on the back. he was blocking the door. he said he likes to hug people ""male, female, whatever."" I didnt know what to say. he said I could tell him if I was uncomfortable. I just froze and mumbled something. I have a history of very serious sexual and other abuse. I'd mentioned that to him during the session. I dont really want to go back, but he said a bunch of times that he wants to help me and wants me to. I really dont know what to do. I dont have a good sense of what's normal or okay because of all my trauma. I'm nervous about going to another person in the practice because I dont want him to be mad at me. i know this all sounds really pathetic but I'm in a really vulnerable place right now and feeling really lost. ",1.9107291666666697,3.5782162256944434,4.3493277777777815,84.39845000000003,77.7152777777778,7.802444444444442,23.672777777777767,8.608573733854374,1.5952759444444444,1075,35,227,23,25,377,141,288,0.16699999999999998,0.75,0.08199999999999999,-0.98,1,0,1,0,1,0,33.0,1,0,1,3,9,11,1,1,15,1,19,7,4,1,2,43,42,18,0,11,8,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,1,3,11,13,0,1,6,0,0,4,7,5,0,3,15,11,39,6,37,25,3,31,0,1,0,3,28,17,0,6,11,150,50,3,0.0,0.11194810749596602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232868582682256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099074727817898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453047505897722,0.0,0.17278973551136276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495044063862337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543779764985195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4429382470508435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368479284498652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0477739568518703,0.0,0.09071947135988144,0.0,0.0,0.16073610958468293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739488608603016,0.0792487089201795,0.0,0.0,0.10408479461570663,0.093554029489879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06333064353855289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155777830827799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04616011709992135,0.09469780475415092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314046349967157,0.0,0.0,0.08940305941024848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005869983317654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514854745908466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402481375027977,0.07185935093133235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100663854592506,0.08249979737753392,0.09871568565532814,0.0,0.08931793399701038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498253161748643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237021553488861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068883245823871,0.26962780432643874,0.07513748094567445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005599919819142,0.07273841072829144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258319355931876,0.0,0.10805070538231556,0.21940644726806527,0.06277098113612875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055094388898627125,0.0,0.08955979838325039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591841489008595,0.27864559987218634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758762839142663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LLAP1963,2019/04/04,"Ketamine Hey, Does anyone have experience with ketamine infusions for PTSD? I’m wondering how many sessions it’s taken to help. Thanks for the feedback. ",4.4642307692307694,7.915821192307696,4.645000000000003,73.33750000000002,87.07692307692307,7.2153846153846155,33.42307692307692,8.07648339933343,3.798338461538462,125,7,17,3,4,39,24,26,0.0,0.797,0.203,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,1,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26280563225121856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289120884038485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676570199331831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519267992036285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3810566391869567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4393528389211916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460355712226829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40759728336649215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,horrorpretzel,2019/04/04,"His death hurts a lot I’ve had a Labrador mix since I was 6 or 7 years old. My siblings don’t live with me and my parents work all day so he’s all I had for several years. It’s been around 5 months since he died and I still feel horrible even though everyone thinks I’m over it. The first month of his death was so horrible... I remember crying for hours every single day, not being able to focus in class, and generally not having an appetite. I’ve improved since then but it still feels surreal. I have 2 new puppies I’ve adopted but I still feel like I’m coming home to my old sweet boy. Sometimes I can’t sleep at night because my dogs aren’t sleeping with my side and start crying. I also freak out when I don’t think my dogs are breathing (which happens super often). I think about him everyday and I still struggle to contain my sadness. God, I remember having to bury his rigid lifeless corpse. I’ll be having a dandy day and then these flashbacks would randomly pop up. I know this isn’t as bad as what others have experienced but I feel shattered.",3.207761969904241,4.722785190697678,4.160957592339262,87.75637482900137,73.83720930232559,7.105335157318741,26.13543091655267,7.724431198458867,1.347820793433653,836,29,173,11,17,270,134,215,0.19399999999999998,0.728,0.078,-0.975,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,13,9,0,2,5,0,19,3,3,0,2,36,32,19,3,1,6,1,4,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,8,11,0,2,10,0,0,1,7,6,0,1,5,6,26,3,18,24,4,30,0,2,0,0,8,7,0,4,23,106,34,3,0.11630793597444945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301141437786734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10353872173163776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09711226835293407,0.07090023823879221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001889882335227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555176125360086,0.22502699036413956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070927488653868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682029478485491,0.0,0.09799445237861924,0.11113721709068293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23523514836456064,0.08309041269957114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893147092393004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028507236693484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666634295182025,0.0,0.11453988848525648,0.0,0.12451005099859662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639197998962555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056822182576344374,0.0,0.10270203832560587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888084795432683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856717697047416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233092932474613,0.0,0.10914711899636086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24409122740891265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914619878338926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26350843716392064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13139486191336264,0.0,0.28863337959333496,0.0,0.2327838643496691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503152266495265,0.0,0.08232335571637646,0.0,0.3715346716411241,0.0,0.0,0.1215903078407965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22357628719142272,0.114271956567251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467356261023105,0.0,0.0,0.08262182067854207,0.0,0.0,0.14979699492415036 ptsd,MANLIKEsquidwod,2018/11/15,"[Xbox] [h] very mixed list [w] keys or respectable offers ♡♡ Exo blk veloce Black wet paint TW northen crl Juggler black dieci Fg mainframe Dissolver TW dune lime apex Z plate wheels 40+ key offers or good offers Striker sb capacitors Crim black lonewolf tw goalkeeper lonewolf Forrest green singularity Goalkeeper Dd Tactician tw troublemakers Tw playmaker og oct rlcs Sweeper og purp dom rlcs Sweeper tw infinium Tactician crim and sb lazerwaves Tactician blk reapers ",4.464466546112117,7.75970760759494,4.086663652802898,75.81382911392409,93.17721518987341,7.8267631103074145,34.756781193490056,8.192908349453996,4.220890777576853,387,23,56,11,14,117,58,79,0.039,0.89,0.071,0.3818,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7128828590206097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7012831306359805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MzFitz,2018/11/15,"Help to be a supportive wife Hello. I want to be as supportive as I can be without losing myself in him. A bit of background: My husband and I have been together for almost 7 years. He has combat related PTSD and has been attending counseling regularly for about two years. He got into some legal trouble due to PTSD before he started regular counseling. Husband also has a JUSTNOFamily and recently went no contact with his parents and biological brother. We have three children - DS is 9 (from my previous relationship); DD1 is 2; and DD2 is 1. We have recently started marriage counseling. &#x200B; &#x200B; I'm asking for support. My husband is trying, but he is still aggressive and willing to fight every time I do something that he feels is a slight against him. The fights and the aggression have gotten more frequent and more intense. It feels like a temper tantrum from my toddler, but more destructive. &#x200B; &#x200B; I don't want to give up on him. I know he's hurting from his family and the war. He doesn't drink, eats healthy, and exercises regularly. If our state legalized pot I'm sure that would help him out, but I don't want to risk him getting into more trouble. He's trying and I commend him for that, but he's not the only one hurting. I'm tired of being the emotional backbone of the family. &#x200B; &#x200B; I know there is no timeline for this. I guess I'm asking for success stories or reassurance that it gets better. ",3.709211913547709,6.48414850184502,4.992022930943597,76.51088099631,76.89667896678965,7.709066947812335,32.18779652082235,8.634040054169528,3.214474855034264,1168,61,191,26,28,386,146,271,0.179,0.675,0.146,-0.9526,1,0,2,0,2,0,56.0,3,0,0,3,4,22,8,1,11,0,27,4,0,0,1,37,52,20,1,5,8,6,2,1,0,2,2,0,0,1,7,17,2,0,4,2,0,2,7,14,0,3,5,2,26,8,30,41,6,19,0,3,0,0,39,6,0,5,11,132,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774824676522695,0.0,0.0,0.054104906539133024,0.0,0.4398349639741808,0.4932605718934709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264994543955826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057570728085368936,0.0,0.0,0.05983670709475671,0.07386341325361137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627764711861797,0.0,0.06922952570488554,0.0,0.07610449547454329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057003548680153775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127561119707405,0.0,0.0684183538230992,0.04833384207173228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069549415986179,0.06490231323421193,0.0,0.0,0.054111111524853935,0.0,0.07453130088954768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906974984487945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485543989458513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436452445152647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03305356550275435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569035671420851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0458458190328145,0.05145584353377329,0.0,0.0,0.07512457542761845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817373757969888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360533219450427,0.07263779876243233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208530598762124,0.0,0.0,0.09577528729811967,0.0,0.05403059618985286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23032750221384,0.06376548348843293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03945106959657381,0.07776123422260035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186869225047573,0.0,0.06609060374666438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971673166459905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271828570105295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521848534253054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048061261252782886,0.0,0.4932605718934709,0.08713718057536299 ptsd,Mind0fWinter,2018/11/15,"What kind of verbal abuse is this? When a parent daily--or at least several times a week--holds their kid as a captive audience and explains to them over the course of 1-2 hrs how royally fucked over they have been by everyone and continue to be, and how there seems to almost be a supernatural conspiracy against them? The child has no idea how abnormal this is and I know my father is a narcissist, but I think this was also a specific kind of verbal abuse whereby you chronically vomit darkness into other people. Is there a name for this kind of abuse? I hope this is the right place to ask. Thanks. ",6.1294505494505485,6.400717085470087,6.863614163614162,75.62384615384616,66.17948717948718,10.446398046398047,30.38949938949939,10.290406445055957,2.969201221001221,477,16,91,11,7,158,79,117,0.187,0.752,0.061,-0.9424,1,0,0,0,3,0,13.0,0,1,4,0,7,6,1,0,10,0,11,3,0,3,0,17,19,11,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,9,5,16,15,1,9,0,0,0,1,12,6,1,3,3,67,16,0,0.0,0.5833958914253516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16435086876494975,0.0,0.0,0.13125340977409627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534378837894677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568317049420894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15173404672612875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630165191291889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18528096830708746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5127433670521799,0.09020066778446753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822451476849776,0.0,0.0,0.11378595611050245,0.0,0.17147922884011293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016474356728567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494163170034334,0.0,0.18541835717992464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15110736508919667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051668415638017,0.0,0.0,0.09570458087826623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165388996172225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,J-coor,2018/11/15,"10-12 hours of sleep The last couple of days, if not weeks, I have been sleeping for up to 12 hours. I wake up and feel fresh, but them shameful because I slept so much. Then I get a bit depreessed. Lately I have been going out once a week and meeting friends at a bar (no drinking), and I also have been thinking about writing a short book. Also I began group therapy 1 month ago, but it sucks so much. I kind of think that the long sleep began with group therapy because it is disturbing, and I have to sit there for 3 hours, which is a lot for me. Does any of you have any idea what's up with the long sleep? Or did I just answer my own question 😁",3.3365125709651267,3.67189767153285,4.213819951338202,91.96400648824007,72.28467153284672,6.9648012976480125,25.441200324411998,6.42735559955562,0.6505205190592047,499,14,116,3,9,161,87,137,0.092,0.863,0.045,-0.802,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,0,7,5,1,2,8,0,11,8,6,0,0,21,20,13,0,1,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,5,7,2,0,6,3,0,1,2,3,0,0,7,1,14,2,17,13,5,23,0,0,0,0,8,6,1,4,15,76,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422604166720665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20609755636778504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17525755787827274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710293134071485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406810393946677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425804233516056,0.0,0.08310362253395663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127656883372604,0.0,0.0,0.1262331088500612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515516075907263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955641661882124,0.0,0.06732369356382778,0.0,0.07323373997818279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807015184321386,0.0,0.0,0.14546652492788806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341871869273401,0.0,0.10503757147194108,0.14535896310743918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22807294519707275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955161402109913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285430631978204,0.0,0.18945290267167547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372310056242919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14435196641200435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5158096554623838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947238011347747,0.0,0.0,0.1651357408125421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20672640089217093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,whoredress,2018/11/15,"Friends Don't Always Get It :( Friends think I'm over-reactive and hyper sensitive when I'm experiencing PTSD symptoms. It makes me feel bad, and no matter how much I explain the pain and discomfort of this disorder, they do not understand. I can't blame them for it, but this sometimes perpetuates my feelings of loneliness and detachment. I hate having to explain things by saying ""I'm having PTSD"". It makes me feel dramatic and also like a total douche. ",5.092142857142857,7.35294011904762,5.9471428571428575,73.79785714285714,70.42857142857143,9.561904761904762,32.23809523809524,9.957137785484203,3.6852095238095215,366,17,61,10,7,120,59,84,0.265,0.6459999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9401,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,3,7,1,1,2,0,5,2,0,3,1,19,19,9,0,0,2,0,3,1,2,0,2,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,0,5,8,3,5,19,2,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665146344868601,0.17325694347671353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385623019647994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386398443060284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158490950577451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217427827144449,0.0,0.10878712415280674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20557559359376468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017264926647228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779788964431937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306673886299293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22156232499304027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4867995119713246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558607049718524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20593635823238784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21642183410994847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833309257598775,0.13341991048669913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21676589379788866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MMNZ91,2018/11/15,"What is this? (IDK where to post this) Every time I touch myself, I feel like a stranger, a different person is touching me. I don't feel like ""me"". Any thoughts or suggestions? ",0.6714705882352945,3.1945926176470607,1.6384705882352968,95.42711764705885,93.41176470588236,5.072941176470589,21.50588235294117,6.742157984588678,0.6146070588235295,135,5,28,2,5,42,26,34,0.0,0.8290000000000001,0.171,0.6553,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,6,2,1,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,17,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275308541393692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495725408069661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819042515132331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33835480896969833,0.4780585029343737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269249321715194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921487461072789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3204421683794756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656249618758222,0.19510055958832992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,vikingqueen111,2018/11/15,"Pretty sure my PTSD diagnosis should include Stockholm Syndrome I've seen two psychiatrists and two different therapists. I went to one therapist for years. I've never been able to be completely honest or even close to completely honest with any therapist or psychiatrist. I've never been able to tell any one living Soul a lot of the stuff I've been through, in fact one of my abusers probably doesn't even remember the stuff he put me through since he was drunk so much of the time. So it's like a burden I carry all by myself all the time. I had a very traumatic childhood and I was in an abusive relationship for 2 years that was very very messed up and I honestly think that I had Stockholm syndrome because I don't think that I ever loved him. I strongly believe he made me feel this way because I didn't see any other alternative. I felt like a hostage in my own home for two years. This led to other problems for me even after I escaped. Later on I was raped and had trouble getting away from my rapist because I relive that submission that I had with my original abuser and when I finally did have the guts to tell him to leave me alone he stalked me for several years. I am in a safe place and I am doing a lot better than I was several years ago but I am still suffering a lot. I ended up leaving my therapist because she kept making insensitive comments and I was getting nowhere because there were so many things I didn't trust her with. She also was not treating my trauma but was rather focused on getting me functional and holistic healing Etc. The problem is there is so much trauma below the surface that I would never be functional if I don't learn to deal with it because I just can't carry it. It's a freaking miracle I don't do drugs or drink because I can see the Allure because you just have to live with all these feelings and memories that you can't share with anyone. To top it off I am disabled with multiple chronic illnesses so I'm on Medicaid and my therapy options are very very limited. My chances of finding a good therapist are slim to none. The mental health system for Medicaid patients where I live is a freaking joke. I'm not in crisis or anyting but Id really like to move on with my life. As it is I'm dreading returning home for Christmas because once again I am afraid of running into my abuser around town who faced no criminal charges for anything he did to me the only thing that happened was a restraining order. Even people who know what he put me through don't care. People even blame me. Most people blame me. I really don't want to spend Christmas holed up in a hotel room in fear because I'm too afraid to even go to the grocery store because I'm afraid I will run into him or one of his Minions",5.764599646095995,6.001262164233579,6.454611811546119,78.36342512718427,66.95620437956204,9.489139570891396,34.30679053306791,9.339509955726095,3.080146472019464,2198,97,418,39,33,723,252,548,0.159,0.74,0.1,-0.9872,1,1,2,0,3,0,24.0,0,2,0,4,24,34,2,5,24,0,50,13,2,4,9,72,76,27,0,7,14,0,3,3,0,3,6,0,3,0,26,22,2,4,9,4,2,8,17,17,0,7,26,6,64,17,66,45,12,60,1,1,3,3,24,27,0,11,25,297,90,1,0.11827025657166647,0.28026182868390226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05241972321592129,0.0,0.0,0.061246158682554175,0.0,0.04729034072524745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064174519296407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041348656657672574,0.0,0.048663171939765666,0.052642801549643535,0.0,0.0,0.055559399633926906,0.0,0.0,0.39653047863689933,0.0,0.0,0.06662503928418584,0.0,0.052300215403592094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060292204437109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400411382959695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06096572064792464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178362278822904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792991274165099,0.06857797465088455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05237617142526192,0.0,0.0659512997039104,0.2343491670966913,0.053491109084523134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654345986585056,0.05980099534622989,0.0,0.056778996780882274,0.06477964253489539,0.05404843593007387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268699145080836,0.0,0.033607856174405155,0.0495997399589987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052292998646402064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285787608457531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186347105086707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03249911998868443,0.0,0.0,0.1252311248324589,0.0,0.0,0.04176888994179502,0.08667130994925394,0.0,0.15665220504649266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082371412924822,0.05337176206751959,0.05595508821164012,0.03947315732259032,0.05995373845643689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959430058150971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285128279654248,0.08694224693030951,0.0,0.1368259694971666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297698166260755,0.16028597342251855,0.044974929792312913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299055643906825,0.0,0.06178362278822904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601616849290661,0.06375767007517097,0.1131686627920434,0.06912580043475015,0.11889427431858353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07576695484281071,0.0,0.0,0.06348899707502248,0.06698857264353425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424608198588033,0.0,0.0,0.1336117256358667,0.0,0.04891718920359555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047225389837025705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539114786358505,0.0,0.0,0.055734158573901016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033734172162104,0.0,0.06762617287238316,0.3433022088973341,0.07857350318373227,0.07578280486747134,0.0,0.0,0.06896433771114767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17329928299514746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439633698372564,0.03487943080132727,0.046938712319641474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548188563704658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04200789846453832,0.0,0.0,0.1904054189736874 ptsd,tallorai,2018/11/15,"Why does every show include rape scenes nowadays? I swear, I can't watch any new popular shows fully because I have to skip important scenes or episodes just to avoid getting triggered. This obsession is turning into a normalization of rape in pop culture which is not something that's ok. It happens so often in so many shows, usually with no real solution to the issues surrounding it either. I'm tired of getting triggered because I want to watch tv. I don't want to have to get my boyfriend to screen episodes for me. If you're gonna include rape, at least don't make it so goddamn graphic so I have to relieve my traumatic experience through the tv infront of me. Just relax with this whole obsession. There's enough horror stories about it in the news these days.",5.8713698630136975,7.1419002465753465,5.864273972602741,79.02284931506851,67.08219178082193,8.579726027397259,36.51780821917808,8.841846274778883,3.292900821917808,620,32,109,10,10,195,96,146,0.244,0.665,0.091,-0.9809,0,1,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,9,10,3,3,4,1,8,4,0,3,0,19,18,6,0,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,3,0,1,0,6,0,0,5,6,0,0,0,3,10,4,21,17,4,9,0,0,3,3,1,6,0,3,3,68,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14299302275674727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25636124693643875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560885284524896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840115408864679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21726848014479244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17716428483657126,0.0,0.0,0.20568758990872127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295772882739972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594394337142645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947064564013355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403590293131554,0.21318407505812514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308321824132314,0.0,0.0,0.2060231429023168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23933699682135745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16187862333917433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416781721144407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22871691800277685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23158628122426514,0.0,0.24804922546532215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18973890510551167,0.23476257791301094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HikeSkiHiphop,2018/11/15,"How great it is to be around people who get it. So I have Ptsd from years of childhood abuse and I often feel embarrassed when my behaviors come out or I get triggered around friends. Today I was visiting a good friend who’s in a residential treatment facility for an eating disorder and her and 3 other people there were talking very candidly about their PTSD. While I’d never wish PTSD on anyone, if was great to be with people, in person, who understand how rough it is and can truly relate. It made me feel much less alone and much less like a messed up, damaged, person but rather just another person who has experience the ugly side of life and had their brain respond the way brains do. ",6.466184210526317,6.8673115112781975,6.5975093984962365,77.37265507518799,65.46616541353383,9.657518796992482,29.406954887218053,9.516144504307137,2.5095872180451124,553,17,102,10,8,177,95,133,0.12300000000000001,0.772,0.105,-0.3378,0,1,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,2,0,11,9,0,1,6,0,12,4,2,4,1,26,20,14,0,3,5,0,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,3,9,11,1,0,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,5,3,9,6,15,13,4,17,0,1,0,0,15,8,0,3,7,74,18,0,0.0,0.1530924336424058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382234074461016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354876963386587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09034646644951336,0.0,0.0,0.23004815577875515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884816423395622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130276473858837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808557585924148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221383877725568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639193586448474,0.0,0.0,0.13066467102972085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965427565282653,0.0,0.13501353031038854,0.0,0.0,0.1083750139505136,0.0,0.2849084267339657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126467263500723,0.06312536068821027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226139634102105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18996807708569102,0.0,0.09965453021397476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26873332966833835,0.3384629281737653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4531178747700659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385390838837193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247574164225213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451191398088186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661158155822206,0.0,0.10256069097671504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858484398335198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320684727212163 ptsd,TheKeepersWife,2018/11/15,"DH thinks I overreact to health issues **TW - very serious health issues** Years ago I had really bad ulcerative colitis due to stress from long-term abuse, and I ended up having to have my colon removed, which meant having an ostomy bag. At the end before I was hospitalized, I was literally dying of malnutrition and dehydration, and was suffering horribly. I met DH 2 years later, so he’s never seen me that sick. I did develop fibromyalgia a year after we got married though, so he has seen me in excruciating pain 24/7. When someone has no colon and an ostomy bag, getting a stomach bug or food poisoning (diarrhea) *can be fatal* because we lose liquid and electrolytes faster than our body can absorb them. So if we take an Imodium and it doesn’t stop the diarrhea within an hour, we have to go to the ER for IVs of fluids and electrolytes *or we can die.* Once about 5 years ago I got a bug and to go to the ER, but DH has some memory problems and doesn’t remember. In May 2015 I had a revision surgery that gave me an internal intestinal pouch that I empty with a catheter (look Ma no bag!) and last night I had bad stomach cramps for the first time since my revision. I was able to go to sleep but was woken up with even worse cramps this morning, and when I emptied my pouch I clearly had diarrhea. I got scared because I didn’t know the protocols for my type of ostomy, and my number for my surgeon was no longer a working number. (Normally)D(ear)H was going on a hike with a friend this morning, and I quickly figured out (and confirmed) he thought I was overreacting. I got triggered and frustrated, things got uncharacteristically ugly, and he clammed up and left. And I’m I’m a fibromyalgia flareup and can’t drive, so if I needed to get to the hospital or go pick up a prescription I’d have to get a Lyft. Finally reached my surgeon and he said he’d call in a prescription for me, as well as telling me that with an internal pouch we don’t need to worry unless I have it for 24 hours. So here’s the deal: DH has PTSD for emotional trauma, and sometimes definitively reacts to situations in ways that someone who doesn’t have PTSD would think is an overreaction — but he still can’t seem to grasp that *I have that around health issues.* He’s tired of me “crying wolf over every little thing.” I got so frustrated by his attitude this morning I told him to fuck off (for the first time in 12 years of marriage) when he tried to give me a kiss — before he walked out on me and after making it clear he didn’t believe me about the potential risk of a stomach bug. (We didn’t know yet so apparently my reaction was totally overboard.) **Hello, that’s fucking PTSD!!** At least he’s willing to go to my counseling session with me tomorrow so he can hopefully figure out how to handle these situations differently, hence why he’s a true DH. 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The first appointment is always the hardest, explaining a past, dredging up old shit I have repressed. Now it's all in the front of my mind and I won't be back in her office for 2-3 weeks due to scheduling conflict. I really hate having this shit in my head and have absolutely no one to talk to about it. My husband has never tried to understand the problems I have from the times I was raped and I wish I could explain how on edge and fucking sad I am right now. But I can't. It's horrible, man. I'm so... inside out right now. I don't know which subreddit to turn to for this shit.",2.470270498732038,4.049862100591716,3.9900464919695686,87.95646449704144,75.92307692307693,7.668808114961961,26.272612003381234,8.418075326091056,1.6890233305156384,641,24,138,12,14,213,108,169,0.256,0.6729999999999999,0.07,-0.9887,0,0,0,0,1,1,21.0,0,0,0,4,9,13,7,1,7,0,16,7,5,3,3,27,30,10,1,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,8,0,2,6,0,0,2,5,11,0,3,2,1,22,2,22,25,2,29,0,2,0,2,6,10,5,0,18,95,28,2,0.0,0.16528034546280182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607212490446668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10726407043428228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113764719691198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014798827331838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557528686615882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07053353798666621,0.09965620905240384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373110212824319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289621131891657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772375004487156,0.14316348362172093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666353715296853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06815086267673891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18622977262147547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408515316456758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758817264066674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637793697374427,0.0,0.09452632627326106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2663300707390418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347915247444195,0.16306374977855756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936492372072748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382582144886799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4295729474377506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873622335743873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525863484852903,0.0,0.13147364414813076,0.0,0.0,0.11212186943338044,0.0,0.0,0.3190524308547523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08134143429405606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09470885416782096,0.15173195427032493,0.0,0.1452206035443455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189554503665587,0.0,0.0,0.1293144993927133,0.0,0.0,0.16041390001982728,0.0,0.0,0.10155499271867917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983106568238322 ptsd,EdelweisAldehyde,2018/11/15,"Diagnosis just confirmed Hey all, I am reaching out because my suspicion has just been confirmed I have PTSD. Now through out my life ( I'm 26 now) I have been diagnosed with multiple things; ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depression and Dyscalculia to boot. I have been going to therapist pretty consistently lately and we have been doing EMDR which she suggested because I disclosed some traumatic events to her. More and more as my depression lifted I began to notice that I would have these period of contentedness and stability I had not had for a long time but there would be certain situations that just sent me for tail spin. I would think to my self ""Goddamn it, my depression just relapsed"", but really all along I was being triggered..... My mind is blown. So much of the past 10 years of my life make sense. Why I just cannot talk about certain topics with out bursting into tears and wanting to run away, why when my Father, the person who in incited the trauma, I was so sweaty, why I barley graduated high school because I was to anxious to go home, abusing drugs and alcohol, feeling like I can never be close of trust any one because it will only lead to hurt. For the first time in my life I feel my diagnosis is correct, with EMDR I am actually seeing the most improvement I ever have. There has been so much pain and there is so much more work to do but I feel hopeful. Thanks for listening. Much love -A",6.866807620817845,7.270252713754653,7.372822955390338,72.14800766728627,64.61338289962825,10.739869888475836,33.91287174721189,10.550175099000144,3.664934758364312,1136,46,200,27,16,374,155,269,0.145,0.731,0.124,-0.7509999999999999,0,0,2,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,0,3,17,14,0,0,7,0,34,8,0,3,7,49,50,16,0,5,9,1,3,1,0,4,7,1,1,2,8,17,1,0,4,0,0,5,3,6,0,2,12,5,33,8,32,31,12,29,0,4,1,1,13,9,0,3,16,155,41,4,0.0,0.13017519828509033,0.1072149767517996,0.0,0.13203956348777807,0.0,0.0,0.1174151038150738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07471376879114032,0.0,0.08404845070656082,0.12411917070218598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032242727867768,0.0,0.0,0.2678971961198537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838865350850918,0.11151335096292107,0.0,0.0,0.1259178441546369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274115920828794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993815784941697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665715334972492,0.07848947034453503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09345336604959616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124880633569955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11608120324164838,0.11020620993220208,0.10912336552220653,0.0,0.0,0.11761559051085725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393549348521987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23280830882412304,0.053675783635393534,0.0,0.0,0.09722941196524024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915984267411708,0.0,0.07333750879363904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093500566805807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3230614539740037,0.0,0.0847367039765861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250850464988602,0.0,0.0,0.07444916230860779,0.08355929783324971,0.11690692470129095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048811026824108,0.0,0.09593219324844096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117748970893822,0.0,0.0,0.12842940218388774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038402922321957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119192626582326,0.08755029158067812,0.0,0.11461591907254765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349584066561416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883074544932518,0.0,0.1011513699458782,0.0,0.1275648084500973,0.07299118402907945,0.07039875316984273,0.0,0.0,0.12812941924066204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06480278590852795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29741539300528713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998495693470255,0.0,0.0,0.23414047661819076,0.0,0.0,0.07075116375526347 ptsd,Slight_Conversation,2018/11/15,"Question about age and PTSD... Disclaimer: I currently know very little about PTSD, but I was wondering something in a general sense: is it possible it could develop from a traumatic incident that can't even be consciously recalled due to age? I'm talking like 1-3 years old. Thanks.",5.816764705882353,7.934435333333332,6.272696078431372,72.7996323529412,68.21568627450979,11.374509803921569,38.24019607843137,11.20814326018867,5.225819607843138,226,13,37,8,4,73,44,51,0.095,0.7709999999999999,0.134,0.2617,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,9,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,5,6,0,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,7,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19917255498649716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476518621503033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137096033831028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121872970151393,0.2500232550801901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617650495231744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28122731771582943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5832079809114254,0.0,0.2794509499013021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920455734624627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20050553595467155,0.0,0.2296681493077961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20582963733409088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705274298908009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606432898510271 ptsd,FindingAWay6,2018/11/15,"Handling Clumsiness in Public Hello everyone, I am wondering if anyone has experienced this and have tips on how to cope. When I am out in public I have trouble when people walk by me or towards me. I get scared and my body automatically moves very fast to get away (whether this is moving to the side or speed walking away). Unfortunately, this almost always results in me bumping into, for example, an aisle shelf in a grocery store. I bumped into my SO last week because there were shoppers behind me and I started to run. For some background, I was diagnosed with PTSD several months ago due to childhood trauma. I have social anxiety and issues focusing. Progress has been made, and my concentration is improving, but I would really like to improve the reactions I have to people. Any help/feedback is appreciated.",6.238552875695731,8.184517938775514,7.040865800865803,68.38519480519483,66.89115646258503,9.699196042053186,34.45207173778603,10.018931242160765,3.931712925170068,655,31,102,16,11,217,102,147,0.057999999999999996,0.8340000000000001,0.10800000000000001,0.8869,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,4,0,15,2,1,3,0,21,20,14,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,9,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,3,0,0,4,1,17,1,23,15,1,28,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,6,12,78,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586865252252268,0.0,0.17925826127079808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14895531703262874,0.0,0.0,0.12173674441152628,0.0,0.13694644143105605,0.0,0.0,0.1251718674802942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363820917249628,0.0,0.0,0.10912624614003696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988459716731716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169706232588986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105707412025173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705652128080175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999038093105807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18684577316458534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14592160414295435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745797808402267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693888859428264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428885413178341,0.3805304973415857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482137490684684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209259652692544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11468197515444464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17922584174517184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20223666942276325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248385679373927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670816067954796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770661524573914,0.0,0.0,0.1435955135584191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941347782459556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716754363416888,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mythicalvisionary,2018/11/15,"My PTSD gave me a horrible flashback, blackout this week. In August last year, my abusive ex broke into my house. He beat me up in front of our child, kept me hostage in my house (wouldn't let me leave next door to get help from my family) and broke my phone when I tried calling the police. I don't know what happened, but I ended up hiding underneath my table while my daughter was asleep crying, hyperventilating and bawling. Once I snapped back to what was happening, I kept seeing him opening the door, hearing my screen door open. None of this was real, I kept saying, ""it's not real,"" over and over again. An hour later I came back to reality again and was standing outside in the freezing cold rain. I think I was trying to run away like I did before last year, I got further away from my house than I did when he took me down to the ground last year. I ran back inside shaking, not remembering how I got out there... Horrifying. The last thing that I remember before I was in bed, I was staring into the mirror, not knowing who I was (due to being stuck in last year, I didn't look the same and didn't realize who I even was) I saw a glaze cover my eyes, I kept asking who are you, where am I? The only way I snapped back enough to get into bed was when I went to my daughter's room and saw she was sleeping safely, she wasn't standing beside me asking her father why mommy was crying then being told, ""she's just crazy, I didn't hurt mommy,"" my daughter was safe, mentally. She was sleeping peacefully and then I came back. The blackouts stopped, the flashbacks stopped and everything was safe/real again. He was put in jail a month after he did this to us last year, now deported to Mexico and we are safe. I hate having PTSD, I haven't had a freak out in so long, but this was the worst one. I'm scared it will happen again, but I feel okay today. I feel okay today. ",4.284682539682539,4.906235436507939,5.1036253968254,85.40248571428573,70.2962962962963,7.635301587301588,25.96656084656085,7.554174236665415,1.206529608465608,1457,41,303,15,25,474,186,378,0.132,0.78,0.08800000000000001,-0.9456,0,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,3,1,0,1,19,14,1,2,16,2,36,4,4,1,0,48,69,20,0,1,7,5,3,1,0,2,0,2,6,1,13,19,0,9,8,0,0,9,11,8,0,1,41,13,60,6,37,23,4,80,0,3,7,0,32,27,0,0,42,204,73,0,0.0,0.09587062776558547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512885482204476,0.0,0.15204395250531832,0.31109185246533233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377048132522817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262290339627272,0.185089605021554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17776188486394942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166636224530132,0.08360646223285167,0.0,0.05344336251903424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272086908561738,0.0,0.0762791298275431,0.0,0.08182575546263418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845491289134454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12942967294688587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146576705726078,0.0,0.0,0.07988646404423236,0.0,0.0,0.09119669008432704,0.0,0.05423538359555002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968463021849988,0.2800939233005125,0.0866208052366563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893714994369406,0.3957374306587933,0.0,0.08567693010395203,0.0,0.08274071070481734,0.0,0.0395308103289005,0.0,0.0,0.0716069181010339,0.0679479262579074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154293483104637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458530083535584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605364713398471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617146038229276,0.05482986022818826,0.06153923669377431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18916978922456396,0.08134157098869338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18419716999293945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18332104782487735,0.0,0.0,0.0643465765354372,0.08100967929145671,0.0,0.06447849917245732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194616911928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529653931052654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05375609737037528,0.051846839868269615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339525223989836,0.07731741460988191,0.08989915223932239,0.10987147054423108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973303599503668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422628208378238,0.06490485070562055,0.0,0.0,0.07500869024237389,0.07301288522492945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26053190522160075 ptsd,goldensnow24,2018/11/15,"Is this PTSD? I have a feeling I may be violating some rule here by posting here, but what the hell. I've always hated sleeping early, apparently since I was a baby. I'm pretty sure I have insomnia. Nevertheless, I have traumatic memories of my parents forcing me to sleep early. Literally, even though my parents weren't abusive, when I think of those memories, I shudder. Now, several years later, into my 20s, whenever anyone says ""we need to sleep"" ""you're tired, go to sleep"" ""now's bedtime"" etc., I get so tremendously stressed and worried and angry and I just hate it. It completely ruins my mood and I'm stressed for the next 2 or 3 hours at least. Is this PTSD?",2.044635416666665,4.710703984375002,4.055187499999999,81.18772916666667,83.375,7.163333333333332,27.28333333333333,8.238735603445708,2.370757708333333,522,24,95,12,15,177,91,128,0.312,0.604,0.084,-0.9909,3,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,0,0,9,9,4,2,4,0,9,6,4,0,1,15,18,9,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,7,0,0,2,2,15,1,9,14,3,13,1,1,0,0,4,2,1,3,9,61,21,0,0.0,0.16121869950461942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321973567660187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09514212740160984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14266503618213708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175213576296118,0.08987183669580097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880022687409762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07109007693682352,0.0,0.07733075732816846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686785753134893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399987831251678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089292913233233,0.0,0.0,0.14471019332941684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021755154533056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303158300109168,0.1384303906074927,0.0,0.0,0.3181131501393472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820698297692316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537184621019331,0.0,0.11255711366559083,0.0,0.5446663150887949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117315830282805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824277363012385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871870800452522,0.13368642555048274,0.0,0.0,0.15639050803115062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13818397561160653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762353166600385 ptsd,USSNerdinator,2019/02/14,"*rant* psychiatrist won't take me seriously As background, I have complex post traumatic stress disorder (only diagnosed as PTSD by a different physician)and before that was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and depression by my PCP in my teens. So basically I had shit health insurance which left me with a doctor who doesn't listen when my symptoms get worse and always tells me to ""think positive"". Thank goodness I've got better health insurance; now it's just the process of finding a new doctor and getting in to see them. But in the meantime I've got someone who 1. Didn't listen or care when I said I was going to end up losing my job due to panic attacks at work (along with some other chronic health issues) and having to leave. 2. Doesn't seem concerned that I've not been able to work since and though some of my physical symptoms (non-ptsd related) have improved, my mental health isn't good. I've been experiencing more dissociation (something I had to look up myself as this guy only cares that I'm not suicidal, nothing about educating his patients or actually trying to come up with an effective treatment plan), as well as more frequent panic attacks. I don't sleep well (it takes me quite some time to fall asleep) and I experience nightmares fairly often which leave me feeling exhausted more often than not. I'm hypervigilant a lot (this was worse when I lived in the city. I got to the point where I couldn't drive because I kept being triggered so badly). I can't deal with loud sounds or people raising their voices without my anxiety getting really bad and having to remove myself from the situation or have a straight up panic attack and possibly dissociate if bad enough. People or situations that remind me of the abuse/abusers will trigger panic attacks. It had gotten to where I wasn't leaving my house unless I absolutely had to. I've been working with a therapist and while I've eliminated some toxic individuals in my life who were partly to blame for the c-ptsd, I'm not really better. If anything I'm worse. I've developed some level of agoraphobia. Going to the grocery store by myself is an exhausting ordeal in and of itself, nevermind anywhere else outside of doctors appointments. But no, this man won't listen to me or acknowledge how much this is affecting my life and limiting me. Thank goodness I've gotten to where I can drive some places again. But the therapy, working on grounding techniques, and prescribed anti-depressents and anti-anxiety meds just aren't cutting it. Oh, and if I mention to said doctor that I have been needing to take the anti-anxiety meds more often due to panic attacks, he just warns me that they can be addictive so try not to take them. Like Jesus H. Christ, are you going to give me anything else, advice, anything? or do you expect me to just hermit and never function normally again? I just want to be able to go places without fearing a complete breakdown or having to run to my car to have a panic attack (assuming I make it that far) until I feel safe enough to either go back in or drive home. This is debilitating. I can't even begin to bring up potentially getting a service dog to help with this and I'm scared to death that I'll be out in public by myself and dissociate and not be able to respond to people around me (I tend to just shut down/almost black out). Has anyone else dealt with similar?",7.261332318233727,7.523679898278563,7.7466573615869425,70.28314046440808,63.78873239436621,10.350987607325637,34.79765681174132,10.094168925368589,3.602510941927843,2721,112,459,55,37,899,304,639,0.156,0.7659999999999999,0.078,-0.9946,2,0,1,0,2,0,71.0,0,2,4,11,29,38,8,9,21,0,46,21,3,6,1,96,93,49,2,8,31,0,2,1,0,3,18,8,1,2,26,31,0,3,9,0,1,14,22,25,2,0,22,14,56,13,85,62,16,62,2,2,3,0,25,30,1,24,18,319,82,10,0.15650158413770426,0.061809595291586174,0.05090765683115976,0.05686994240384505,0.0,0.05097717891269892,0.0,0.0,0.05223790996897324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04340728502769374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963104466889427,0.0,0.0,0.036476515490720327,0.05345145581688147,0.1287874689461578,0.04643986338173275,0.0,0.356086290517786,0.0,0.04011335264520805,0.13067228567944647,0.031800637698385974,0.0,0.0443904404049513,0.0,0.0,0.0922752888023095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637586354147227,0.0,0.0,0.044937419045778165,0.05469631113371391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05378208709482473,0.08986305672919133,0.10589720904486934,0.0,0.05450361525322915,0.11957624938879848,0.2135813372064984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073699170239614,0.0,0.046204650471605616,0.10780531461647276,0.0,0.03445594010712024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051029526528736116,0.0,0.05870259739508185,0.052754602190987626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047679870878869705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902082446303032,0.050043526694583465,0.1482390947431318,0.13126610360733929,0.12516861352671438,0.0,0.0,0.05165372448011155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22180515412583168,0.0,0.0,0.03496657097856447,0.0,0.052327949749773416,0.0,0.0,0.06019393859666889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054448997817233766,0.05176789122202844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571258055697524,0.0566798096943569,0.0,0.07369446478544138,0.02548625626977371,0.0,0.04606458867851019,0.0,0.04380730491483654,0.05836174703174326,0.0,0.04435068342808863,0.0,0.0,0.034822007555544904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158919861468976,0.0,0.05257226241512535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03834889054809229,0.03868131387124519,0.04023455656787436,0.05038340172776412,0.0,0.0,0.05111277467412048,0.05005583028373087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793510046454652,0.0,0.3672417776711276,0.0,0.05649198821769776,0.0,0.10849849305393387,0.0,0.1090072305064583,0.0,0.049314860930853625,0.05881067377338205,0.04996175219011187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829419768996578,0.0,0.0,0.05548623296373915,0.0,0.0,0.06683928150047078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992458966780759,0.0,0.05222846254797912,0.0,0.04157050007644875,0.04749105480351128,0.0,0.0,0.05354887570971941,0.04315324254715186,0.1172762251534069,0.05220486923670003,0.0,0.04420109479101346,0.040160855148273694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05975734528869407,0.0,0.0,0.05706244393722752,0.0,0.0,0.1084433795369294,0.1568929525454585,0.0,0.04559642754096717,0.0960570880153648,0.05965773356992207,0.060570133847472736,0.0,0.03342663195281361,0.05125400393778352,0.0,0.030419110754365455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083620173047565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030769563046881724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380914614964526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10057462822446216,0.0,0.1519133562361597,0.0,0.15948848454070558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yawaworhtymsisihtih,2019/02/14,"Panic attacks at the doctor’s office I’ve struggled for a long time with undiagnosed respiratory issues, chronic nausea, and fatigue. I’m convinced that these issues go beyond just being a symptom of my PTSD/anxiety/depression (although I do acknowledge they can contribute), but at this point I’ve been blown off by so many doctors who essentially tell me it’s all in my head. This has happened often enough that even being at a low key appointment is triggering. When I’m in a doctor’s office, I can feel myself right on the edge of a panic attack. I try to remind myself to breathe deeply, really focusing on what the doctor is saying instead of letting my brain run away to worst case scenarios, and bring in a list of objectives/questions I wrote ahead of time because I know I can’t think straight in the moment. Despite this, every time I leave I have a crippling panic attack (like, locking myself in the bathroom, sobbing on the floor type of panic attack.) I try to call a friend or my parents but honestly that usually makes it worse. My usual game plan is to wait it out for 10-30 min, stumble out of the office bathroom and to my car and drive home when I feel safer after my Ativan kicks in. Does anyone else have this problem? What are your strategies?",9.227438016528929,7.394193644628099,9.080909090909092,69.14136363636365,60.900826446281,11.279338842975207,38.11570247933884,9.800150414767053,3.75534214876033,1010,39,173,15,11,330,149,242,0.196,0.742,0.063,-0.9877,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,1,2,8,18,4,5,15,0,15,10,3,2,1,23,27,11,0,1,4,1,2,1,1,0,7,1,1,0,14,7,0,1,5,1,0,5,1,14,0,0,2,3,23,4,36,22,3,39,0,3,0,0,10,22,1,2,13,121,37,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06875470530051245,0.10075082674791078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474588217786582,0.09238438337017213,0.0,0.0,0.059941127706596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097689322179975,0.10040604518290144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08469158717189698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4025801724689954,0.08604934952979054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08214219674812,0.0,0.0,0.10160129793881033,0.0,0.06494611604334405,0.0,0.08284736596767768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994373250320434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596960580726345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05588327248896163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869529992468647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091507005010752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863312642735783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.205262193960634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0540396616955963,0.0,0.0,0.10411739797972012,0.0,0.10054920846400613,0.0,0.04803912916208832,0.0,0.0,0.08701906080179064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656361177937292,0.09969130686308353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46147683165694603,0.10918396025728837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295374529672867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940886438456545,0.1149426467926468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629927919407758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397338412310999,0.0,0.0781960570907944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279598984734888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220264328359456,0.0,0.0,0.08594485783963951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300596968175502,0.0,0.0,0.1720112489323808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351939210930167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216593467598495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020679155616537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MFBriggs_,2019/02/14,"PTSD in the military. [Trigger warning] The opening line from this conversation from Philip Ingram, a former colonel, I believe, is raw, really, really raw. But I feel that folk can relate to something like this, particularly with armed forces. I've put in a trigger warning as I feel some of the anecdotes may be linked to it. &#x200B; [https://youtu.be/eYPYUbUzbP4?t=52](https://youtu.be/eYPYUbUzbP4?t=52) &#x200B;",10.021505376344088,14.149272870967753,5.949677419354843,70.81118279569894,62.225806451612904,8.004301075268819,34.526881720430104,8.841846274778883,3.5953139784946253,346,15,43,6,6,92,46,62,0.04,0.9109999999999999,0.048,0.1179,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,4,1,1,2,0,10,6,2,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,9,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,2,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4455999511232521,0.499725817021815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316745485911752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207945372355364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046041160116473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403704190464269,0.2067149050024743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26346363544287743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583039892459715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.499725817021815,0.0 ptsd,quivering_crevices,2019/02/14,"Male victims of r--- in childhood- What's wrong with me? I am so embarrassed to even ask this. But sometimes I want to have stuff done to me again. Am I trying to relive it? Am I fucked up?",-0.9051666666666698,1.2225601499999996,0.875,100.66333333333333,97.5,3.6666666666666674,16.666666666666668,5.46131890053228,-0.7590833333333333,146,4,34,1,6,47,31,40,0.303,0.6679999999999999,0.028999999999999998,-0.9229,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,0,8,7,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,2,1,0,2,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412501480976109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3735484559995533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410963101831104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33746076678030595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610201672219123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4178675766476891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478287751184438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21530186358249348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3990987603973397,0.0,0.0 ptsd,manami333,2019/02/14,"(TW: self-harm) I had a major anxiety attack and started hurting myself again because I cracked from stress Thanks to general anxiety disorder, major depression, and severe PTSD I can't work. I applied for SSI out of desperation because I didn't want to leave my best friend alone to pay the bills. But I got denied. Valentine's Day is also extremely triggering because it reminds me that I have no family or a partner to share it with. Plus my birthday is in five days and no one is going to do anything for me. I have no money to celebrate by myself either. I wish I could drink away my worries or get high but I'm 4 years sober and weed is illegal here so that blows. My roommate drives himself and me everywhere for important things and his vehicle needs repairs with money neither of us have. I feel so useless and worthless, I wish I could help him. Im worried about bills and expenses like my cats meds & my own meds. I just fucking lost it and started crying and sobbing like a banshee. In a manic state, I grabbed a razor and cut up my arm. When the pain started, I felt relief. Like I deserved to be hurt since I was so useless and unwanted. Now I'm here feeling numb and hopeless. I am utterly alone and my brain is scarred from years of abuse, trauma, and instability. I try so hard to keep my head above water and to help with bills. I even tried selling pics of my feet and boobs to help but I've been called ugly so thats a no go. I have nothing going for me and no reason to live. Nothing to look forward to. I just can't anymore",3.46511521972133,4.905961581993573,4.792367363344052,83.7838993837085,73.05144694533763,7.49844587352626,30.00013397642015,8.07648339933343,2.1089323687031083,1216,53,239,18,24,404,178,311,0.29,0.5870000000000001,0.124,-0.9953,2,2,1,0,1,2,33.0,1,0,0,3,15,24,3,1,8,0,20,10,5,2,0,45,42,31,0,7,8,0,5,3,2,0,2,0,0,1,7,23,2,1,4,1,8,5,9,16,0,2,7,6,43,8,34,32,6,22,0,9,1,2,11,7,3,2,14,160,50,2,0.0,0.12125369239865028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119824285845003,0.0,0.08183959199372591,0.0,0.11088308589963383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565764465553144,0.0,0.10149171060565997,0.0,0.0,0.08421538258329213,0.0,0.0,0.11642414993479575,0.09614983795262454,0.0,0.0,0.18715272556165266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107397325868973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424295600592503,0.10449845116265434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16341699232023876,0.0,0.11241339193167836,0.1319989752666995,0.0,0.08814349444646076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728811435485445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002521942177031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06759322631617024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647507646618084,0.0,0.10349024737183364,0.0,0.09826044513736516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906601766691572,0.09460975144947484,0.05346733566255442,0.0,0.174482982882933,0.0,0.08184897771365794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091674668767581,0.0,0.10502822315127733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20578483753221924,0.10812562374825399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21910970478195188,0.0,0.11054250723474708,0.0,0.0,0.09096263915222114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10836107336114108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14999140490484558,0.0,0.09036625203166067,0.0,0.0859380723963507,0.0,0.11171392098338104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273487016608477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758822657160816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196391975043679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934681832506227,0.0,0.10889475471324164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11962754374487693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10522041884386557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676076225192163,0.11561271227825105,0.0,0.08465497910368898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173059044993665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172277334936956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421900069058214,0.0,0.0,0.06798876201204115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896145048024658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230999087158174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06036155252799956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23536709867114344,0.0,0.0,0.07450321944921924,0.20785823635492404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318045212889041 ptsd,Depressed_Human23,2019/02/14,"Don't know how to help myself **Possible Triggers Warning** &#x200B; I was diagnosed with PTSD about a year ago, but because of insurance issues have stopped getting treatment for it. I was physically abused by my father as a child, and later got into a relationship with someone who was verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive. I haven't been able to get into a serious relationship since that one ended, and anytime anyone bigger than me (I'm a 5ft 1 F) makes a sudden movement towards me or slightly raises their voice, I get extremely startled or even go into full anxiety attacks. Please can someone help me find a mechanism to cope? I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about this without them discrediting me, so I'm all alone in my treatment.",4.8884042553191485,7.202185021276598,6.1485283687943255,71.90875,71.12765957446808,8.67163120567376,34.445035460992905,9.2995712137729,3.704848226950353,612,32,97,14,12,205,98,141,0.193,0.75,0.057,-0.9620000000000001,0,1,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,2,0,5,4,1,1,7,0,10,1,0,3,1,20,20,9,0,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,8,0,1,3,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,5,2,15,1,20,15,2,15,0,0,0,0,10,7,0,2,7,68,19,0,0.1501187125735114,0.3557322536121442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307118105160345,0.0,0.0,0.1554777127912418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16265356235446396,0.18241066708871956,0.0,0.0,0.11484040422575092,0.0,0.0,0.20993298853064274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1707817073933663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151097383329793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523673332880392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16886334621888272,0.13296062174559412,0.0,0.0,0.09915199385150676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590453163979373,0.10724483825765363,0.0,0.0,0.13720578366240507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352924941948717,0.0,0.08531592384261537,0.0,0.12006364805041522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20124281734274613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668493386077814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08250131848690273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07334042017435267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10020540633372599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017243247426292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647852666023946,0.0,0.16923629267559426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17548074161131333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322342633888192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241797503247805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25439019601980184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550596558243926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12065973477082202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447090819221143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18241066708871956,0.09667152906201644 ptsd,Jessicajf7,2019/02/14,Acting a certain age Ive seen that people i know who have a traumatic childhood tend to act or call themselves a certain age. Example my daughter says she acts like a 3 year old. And she did have a very traumatic experience at 3. When I think I'm acting like a child I go to acting like a 10 year old. Just a observation. Does anyone else had any experience with acting a certain age? Thanks,1.3815471167369928,3.8268977594936717,3.6662447257383977,84.41163150492268,84.0632911392405,6.549085794655415,23.967651195499297,7.793537801064563,1.5074545710267229,309,12,61,6,9,106,50,79,0.094,0.695,0.21100000000000002,0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,9,0,5,0,0,0,3,9,12,3,0,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,2,7,7,4,9,0,17,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,12,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15121841849571133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15548544469481212,0.2278431277073937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22706342085353204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945964471647453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576060989232396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350387375627892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637732117343245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220808442377792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259145099032145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666773265045757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15416253639961516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17683660568395254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20472732722999967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424849567978952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347755944014207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863964504242951 ptsd,boshiier,2019/02/14,Eugh Once i start crying i cannot stop. Its like everything is pouring out of me at once and i can't stop the flow. Im so sad. So fucking sad. ,-2.572727272727274,-0.8623991818181801,0.9294545454545472,100.15418181818184,101.42424242424242,3.852121212121212,15.690909090909093,5.6839178017228535,-0.7805709090909092,109,3,28,1,5,39,26,33,0.34700000000000003,0.5529999999999999,0.099,-0.8864,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,3,5,0,6,0,2,0,1,0,2,1,0,4,15,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315679491262735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25828356820925313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656832757454373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104256694609923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040204516712754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6121123838368087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034129451481516,0.0,0.0,0.4805343139992482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,darkbidoof,2018/12/14,"Is low self image a symptom? Or low self esteem anyway. I was diagnosed with BPD or I can say misdiagnosed and I'm fighting to get it off my record. I'm 34 and have never been diagnosed with it, but an ER doctor diagnosed me, then a therapist based the diagnosis off of a 15 minute meeting with a doctor at the er when I was feeling suicidal. A different therapist told me I don't have it, and I had a 4 hour long mmpi stating I don't have it. When I asked the therapist who dxed me with bpd why I was diagnosed when I have an mmpi and another therapist showing I don't have it, she said ""Don't focus on the labels, focus on how you feel"" but I have brain damage, I told her and she kept saying don't focus on the labels...this just doesn't seem right. She said ""You have bpd and ptsd, because you have low self image and people with ptsd dont have low self image"" I asked her ""How can you diagnose me with bpd when it's such a complicated disorder, and my other therapist told me it takes a year to diagnose?"" she said ""Every therapist is different. And now shes going to make me go to these DBT sessions specifically for people with Borderline personality disorder, even though I don't have it and it takes like 6 months back to back and if I miss 4 classes, she fires me as a patient, which means I won't get paid by the state any more, as I'm disabled and I can't use another therapist for some reason. Ugh I hate this. What would you guys do?",3.8267000000000015,4.393748936666668,5.599999999999998,81.63000000000002,71.3,9.466666666666667,27.333333333333336,9.642632912329526,2.2718333333333325,1131,37,242,26,20,390,137,300,0.13699999999999998,0.845,0.018000000000000002,-0.9872,2,0,0,0,2,0,33.0,0,5,0,0,14,10,2,0,17,0,32,10,1,5,1,38,59,27,1,2,6,0,3,1,0,2,9,5,0,6,15,19,0,1,5,1,1,2,11,9,2,0,13,8,40,1,24,44,2,28,0,6,0,0,32,11,0,5,14,162,55,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04559338016239255,0.14060654017194785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125357371924124,0.0,0.0,0.10310802109155437,0.0,0.04087044096676569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33776688595637605,0.07484518286276573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4082998905741988,0.0,0.14009698867110906,0.1536803786145516,0.1372482450932755,0.0,0.0,0.07857706980295585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044283057448685874,0.0,0.05648890018566339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06780064837131865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005722986791793,0.0,0.07620724122741042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06638579128823971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661937555928142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660265165105649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03275514605137984,0.0,0.0,0.05933334128933341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04475353034242455,0.0,0.0,0.07303243053749099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05351524403454405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051709782823467235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296210341024927,0.05854172567328629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15674568831262492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893415370710021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572566678321843,0.19132746329710704,0.10663487516640333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103589400330973,0.2797731799901577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333712199344361,0.0,0.0,0.06968616138514715,0.10082005612478934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5449166372916833,0.0,0.0,0.0658720671615927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219513995215973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05790596467314585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049832268241578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04762734693832784,0.0,0.0,0.04317523741899544 ptsd,fuckyouray,2018/12/14,"tomorrow is my trauma anniversary so the anniversary of my SA is tomorrow, it happened when I was 14, and I am 18 now. for some background, i haven’t been to therapy since then, i was r*ped last year in March as well, and still no therapy. my insurance is super shitty, and i don’t have the money to pay for it myself. my mom tried to get me to some while I was under 18, but she never really fully believed that it happened or that I needed therapy. im looking for advice on how to cope with this, the previous years I’d just get super high and sleep all day, but i am sober now so I really don’t know how to handle it. i live with my mom and siblings, but none of them support me or even acknowledge what happened to me, so going to them for support is useless. my main support person is my boyfriend, but he lives an hour plus away and i fairly certain I won’t be able to see him. as the day gets closer I’ve gotten super bad, ive left my house once in like a week and was met by super bad anxiety. im super suicidal, though I definitely won’t act on it. i want to live, I just don’t want to exist tomorrow. any tips on how to deal with tomorrow, get through it, etc, are greatly appreciated. thank you. ",3.882771739130437,4.057947798418976,5.781618083003952,81.77503582015811,71.01581027667984,9.170849802371539,28.06546442687747,9.188382445141503,2.13683418972332,935,31,201,18,16,326,136,253,0.131,0.7070000000000001,0.163,0.9031,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,2,5,15,17,0,0,6,0,22,1,1,3,3,32,42,26,1,3,8,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,10,11,0,0,2,0,2,2,9,4,1,0,7,2,33,13,33,32,6,31,0,1,2,0,11,10,0,4,20,141,43,1,0.10663250071149992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104200045577092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725137570680764,0.0,0.0815735711783082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018474454573073,0.0,0.1780673681031443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12013831295901033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13753828294446488,0.10993342601616253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892342532190515,0.07042976104488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228443221103791,0.0,0.06060170750128861,0.0,0.0,0.11756270848022553,0.0,0.0,0.2828843046598134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11266309153224045,0.0,0.0,0.10501153371926693,0.12303958906747398,0.0,0.0,0.2303627979948235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058602433710230425,0.08691972013015607,0.0,0.0,0.1158565240255309,0.0,0.0,0.052095253631979886,0.0,0.2824753551786903,0.0,0.08954444451610122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2497733921372878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07906664814206672,0.08224155823385931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356013314940075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310738661399326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662302087403608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497229731065815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820750649841058,0.0,0.10670950942825076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515685281102031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663864862318185,0.3630158944653196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817288012685976,0.36583067303455696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10476589054627113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239646844192993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257892233449422,0.0,0.08553416009747493,0.0,0.0958754241881566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733566874868294 ptsd,Acctright,2018/12/14,"Resources to help my very macho dad understand? I’ve (m/ late 20s) recently learned that my biological father molested me for a period of about ten years. I’ve found a great therapist and am making progress. I’m also taking legal action against my abuser. My dad (stepdad, but he adopted me several years ago) doesn’t believe my ptsd diagnosis. He was a marine and is squarely in the “suck it up snowflake” camp on pretty much any issue. When I told him that a number of the issues I face are due to ptsd, his response was “who shot at you? Who tried to kill you? What war were you in?” as he’s one of those people who think that ptsd is the exclusive property of da troops, and god help you if you disrespect them. I’m hoping that you can recommend some easily digestible resources (ideally short articles or videos, as he won’t read a book and anything i give him needs to be something I can link that won’t take up much of his time) that will explain to him that yes, civilians can have ptsd, having consistent trauma occur from age 3-12 can absolutely cause it, and that that can impact adult life. Bonus points if it comes from a veteran or a military-linked institute. Thanks!",5.372416302765652,6.191387842794764,6.0286288209607015,79.03190975254729,67.95196506550218,9.600116448326057,30.113828238719073,9.725611199111238,2.751473129548763,932,34,178,20,15,304,149,229,0.106,0.721,0.17300000000000001,0.9232,0,0,1,0,1,0,29.0,0,6,1,3,3,10,4,0,10,1,19,3,1,2,0,23,35,14,2,5,5,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,17,6,1,0,6,3,1,2,3,5,0,2,5,1,23,5,23,26,3,20,0,0,1,0,28,8,1,6,10,109,40,5,0.0,0.15017475025843785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235377831557804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135971982200062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08619246766579551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043021766775118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280073290674153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020432677072652,0.0,0.1091815219080902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897180352918814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158749928643453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397392765054531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991200279917268,0.0,0.0,0.12588860536066146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645823714085501,0.0,0.0,0.14022703883181115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429764043188777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952532201816084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460476506085847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863476061792586,0.09398147039919606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0858872081927578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787057533125638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11981710751192473,0.0,0.0,0.12894750671935892,0.0,0.0,0.5926429505124817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267815368345568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514760586607301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14318830090555038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757621553102597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905962970204924,0.0,0.0,0.11669182701495412,0.0,0.14716331146893272,0.0,0.0812145117892048,0.0,0.0,0.07390733330432335,0.0,0.0,0.12111241680880215,0.0,0.08605305417343978,0.0,0.0,0.13194834394002364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457974476099967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324213041214125 ptsd,jacksamygdala,2018/12/14,"EMDR yesterday for neighbor's suicide (trigger warning) My neighbor shot himself last Wednesday. He was a veteran, suffering from severe chronic back pain. He went to the VA Tuesday night and they dropped the ball. Wednesday, he took a shot of everclear, left his wife a note, and shot himself in his bathtub. I was napping around 5:30 when I wake up to his wife screaming, running into my yard because she just got home from work and found him. ""He did it, he did it! He killed himself! I knew he was in pain, but he promised me he wouldn't do this!"" I tell my boyfriend to call 911 while my mom (a nurse, thankfully) runs next door. He was her friend and I feel bad that she had to see him. I spent the whole week having sudden anxiety every time her scream entered my mind. Even though I didn't see him, I can see it in my mind. On top of it all, I'm feeling guilty because I feel like I have no reason to be so affected. His wife came home the next day and cleaned the bathtub herself, so why am I so distraught? What right do I have? I saw my therapist yesterday and did some EMDR. Super helpful. She let me know I had every reason to feel the way I was and validated that it was traumatic for me. I realized how much I was identifying with the situation. My own suicidal ideation lately has been a problem, so this happening next door was a little too real for me. I guess it kind of put in my head that this is what it would look like if I acted on my thoughts, and I was feeling a lot of guilt as if I had. The good to come out of it though is that I don't feel a certain emptiness I felt before, like it sort of made me realize that I couldn't do that. That I won't let myself reach that point of hopelessness. And that's not to say that my neighbor did anything wrong, I completely understand why he did what he did. His situation and personality unfortunately prevented him from reaching out and getting the help he really needed, and he was let down by the people who should have helped him. But I'm not him and somehow, this took the power out of my suicidality, and I'm thankful for that. ",4.1240963560772785,4.967339073286052,5.134554495801748,84.23000000000002,70.79669030732859,8.293111600228256,29.952637156599003,8.53829466247534,2.0946412162712957,1640,65,343,26,29,539,205,423,0.163,0.7240000000000001,0.114,-0.9752,1,0,0,0,0,2,51.0,0,0,1,4,14,23,1,2,19,0,43,5,2,6,2,66,77,28,4,8,7,4,7,3,4,4,3,3,9,1,28,22,0,1,16,3,1,10,8,12,0,0,33,15,65,11,39,35,6,48,0,2,5,0,51,18,0,7,21,235,93,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644830125006789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936498671847738,0.0750375917713359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648152074787273,0.07038014982977348,0.10276702366950877,0.0,0.07172613145470168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607137383517682,0.09640738785472207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072609940255357,0.08837837080855901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436125138522945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05567395292710309,0.0,0.14203898967386125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557228649055632,0.060218093907152014,0.0809333670741672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09242163119807048,0.06512365196375161,0.0,0.04403899756006401,0.0,0.0,0.07069998042368553,0.06741586961756807,0.0,0.09285694419508682,0.0,0.07453897910861297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650772674158687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694970928638677,0.0,0.1691031387960112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325641128481993,0.08777696060425406,0.046324580509622924,0.06870908455701875,0.09508484580622263,0.0,0.09158331036768587,0.2585822943659888,0.0,0.1235421782810318,0.08448254909777653,0.0,0.0,0.07078390036984837,0.0,0.0,0.0716618920796768,0.0,0.07975895930984264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17022142102847534,0.0987215622344152,0.0,0.0,0.06196418732280996,0.0625013173615652,0.0,0.0,0.2689359243462651,0.0791021641110693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793848815428745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05843733548958345,0.07360036698420523,0.0,0.0,0.07968301655782188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08065588902871396,0.0,0.08473656186263044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09594254635306797,0.053999499075772193,0.17333206195195433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07198475474159935,0.0,0.06703223944373371,0.0,0.0,0.2015090045911195,0.0,0.0,0.09522576524231156,0.0,0.0,0.189495077433974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766047138278633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367476704068485,0.15520916799413909,0.0,0.09786930120405216,0.0,0.0,0.16563257271091233,0.06691829054452665,0.04915123879823873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730262970171188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775075857930949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690692420675855,0.06761381456188119,0.0,0.0,0.07813936273546145,0.15212051575673047,0.09410880813465136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061365449743906814,0.0,0.0,0.059878491329553835,0.0921598741297669,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Telcontar8,2018/12/14,"Truth To soldiers and veterans out there. I‘m searching documentaries about war, war movies or movies about ptsd that show the truth the most about live during serving and after. It‘s not about how good they are produced. I need it for writing a graduation work and wan’t make especially young people aware of things many here don’t know and I don‘t want to tell the false point of view. Maybe you can help me. ",5.354649122807015,7.394290078947371,4.100000000000001,88.22833333333338,69.26315789473685,7.171929824561403,24.508771929824558,7.793537801064563,1.0435245614035082,330,9,64,4,6,95,62,76,0.122,0.7759999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.5583,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,2,7,5,2,0,4,0,4,0,0,3,2,17,9,6,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,5,3,11,9,1,4,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,2,2,38,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640383415628385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100303484904925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1730052163813232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779731537358155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101306781914864,0.31915662633746883,0.3162577587181981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23341935998771024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2182418871342664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975866671612682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679830120295581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751480720061681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091383693600508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856765190916569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2291773135231404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PaintingWallflowers,2018/12/14,"Said something about being raped in a comment but didnt go into detail and now people are saying I'm lying and I feel like shit I realize it's dumb but it's just making me question everything. It happened years ago but I only recently started to tell people and I was testing talking about it on here and now I just feel really discouraged and afraid to tell anyone. Does anyone have any advice?",2.7076923076923087,5.211686115384616,4.399679487179489,80.88490384615386,78.87179487179488,6.464102564102564,23.852564102564106,7.645422480735847,1.560841025641026,319,11,54,5,8,107,55,78,0.24100000000000002,0.721,0.038,-0.9612,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,3,1,1,0,5,2,1,1,0,17,13,8,0,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,4,6,1,7,9,0,10,0,1,0,1,7,3,2,1,7,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083522824943299,0.18900318728463464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14499424365601812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981712767176348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18658682556980155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162486149813504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21561690962530974,0.15232160780673715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117560996271895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1885462724808737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416660512219862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232338685625515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216043422503246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956343623708709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23885080271065776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659167845236522,0.0,0.2105251531754626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281731494484906,0.16955798206929004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188632387490924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414415264910887,0.0,0.0,0.1509154365149655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713750059809004,0.37272049785325656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373041628398483 ptsd,musicforthemassesdm,2018/12/14,"What should I know about EMDR? I was recently diagnosed with PTSD from childhood sexual abuse and my therapist referred me to another therapist in the same clinic who does EMDR treatments and encouraged me to try it. I made an appointment for a week or so from now, but I’m pretty nervous about it because I’m not too sure what to expect. I’ve heard a lot of people say it’s really helpful and not that bad but I’ve also heard a lot of people say it’s really intense and messes you up for a while afterwards. I’d really be interested in hearing people’s experiences or any advice to keep in mind going into it. Thanks :-) ",4.2988888888888885,5.571136129032261,6.436559139784943,73.455394265233,70.7741935483871,10.027240143369175,28.293906810035843,10.25414643259724,3.149047670250896,496,18,89,14,9,175,80,124,0.057999999999999996,0.743,0.2,0.9634,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,1,6,0,3,2,0,1,1,23,13,11,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,9,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,5,7,4,18,7,3,12,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,4,6,61,16,0,0.0,0.1910022514571472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15752822679595696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891604387389333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962532219619456,0.16903810612791706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345999255190254,0.09826942515172192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362027008249608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107208917328395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576899899085344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09161684594871232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169040442852866,0.0,0.1080527020300858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432869262194252,0.0,0.0,0.08859437073345898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741024382530212,0.0,0.15253661733522272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277168098953726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33527895394309426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16400402904481826,0.0,0.0,0.1884406960279438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30981726685336664,0.0,0.15917106200447007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563942946504828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519343511126702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484164391693528,0.0,0.3743442059878002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944800682941268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930939229453606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lucaisteal,2018/12/14,"Diagnosed with PTSD while in the mental hospital, but I have some questions. (Cross-posted from r/mentalillness) So back in August I was diagnosed with PTSD, as well as major depressive disorder. I was also told I have strong symptoms of OCD, but I wasn't diagnosed with that. The PTSD diagnosis came as no surprise. I grew up in an emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and sometimes physically abusive household. I had done a project on PTSD in my high school Psychology class, and during the research, everything finally made sense. The flashbacks, the hypervigilance, the nightmares. All of it clicked into place, but I had to wait until I was out of that situation for any sort of help. Was I supposed to get some sort of paperwork on my PTSD diagnosis, some sort of paper ""proof"", when I was released? I'm new to the psychiatric field (I was denied proper healthcare from my parents for *years*) and so I don't really know how this works. I was also prescribed medicine to help with my depression, anxiety, and the nightmares I get from PTSD. I want to try and apply for some sort of disability benefits (I also don't know how that works entirely?) because the way my brain works makes it *extremely* hard for me to function in most work environments. I'm hyper-vigilant, extremely jumpy, and the most random things trigger me sometimes. Songs played over the intercoms, sounds of keys jingling, even *footsteps* set me off. Add an intense paranoia of people watching me and most jobs available to me are a living nightmare, not even taking into account my misophonia, light sensitivities, and the general exhaustion I get having to be social. Also, on an unrelated-to-PTSD note, I highly suspect that I am autistic, but hadn't mentioned that while I was inpatient. Growing up, my teachers often suspected such as well, but my parents refused to have me tested. How should I go about getting a screening done for that? I'm 20 years old, and I've heard it is harder for it to be tested and even taken seriously when you are older, but after a fairly decent time of research and talking to diagnosed autistic people, my experiences and mannerisms line up a *lot* with someone who's neurodivergent in this way. Any information, tips, etc are very helpful and appreciated!",5.8767302955665,8.036875302955668,6.5931003694581305,70.39117764778327,68.13793103448276,9.508497536945814,34.36237684729064,9.903583721103773,3.898788423645321,1807,88,286,45,32,593,213,406,0.113,0.7959999999999999,0.091,-0.8871,3,0,0,0,0,0,74.0,0,1,0,5,20,10,0,0,20,0,28,7,1,6,2,63,47,37,0,2,7,2,1,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,14,23,0,2,6,2,1,4,6,4,2,0,19,8,38,6,59,25,11,42,0,2,3,0,15,20,0,15,15,211,52,13,0.0,0.08737467015590923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23589244054148364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10029699958564917,0.0,0.056414015529424114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056704641725745526,0.0,0.04495370365290645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08232277633109719,0.0,0.08434357615550674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703132748037374,0.2993947353020884,0.0,0.0,0.08451709883828694,0.0,0.0,0.15093158424417705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295215869508821,0.0,0.0,0.08224413699208362,0.14612179812385254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627641956557359,0.07213585572962772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078302958178475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15411294205447146,0.0,0.04191045725599453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066060206388476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14828729704453247,0.15582932813864234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317961554113983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105563009285309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511736928004679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269457545284872,0.0,0.06977842682316984,0.04922474269535434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486333656191005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712224871644696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773820016250017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637681365316305,0.0,0.0,0.10224971272155806,0.0,0.077046862749864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062643910591238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6034201415767031,0.0,0.08261024112562586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047242342770658585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746329409093686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082891430056847,0.0,0.07517279765326304,0.062483115439854714,0.0,0.14586955161438572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664833002814607,0.055446366837448836,0.05927269410996223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04899228664789785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04300076316727727,0.0,0.0,0.07046562389644795,0.0,0.05006738623752381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060846584980207785,0.043496166078743334,0.11706922846342947,0.0,0.0,0.13260955946670774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21474625955395032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497753301246027 ptsd,rainlynn08,2018/12/14,"Ptsd results in being afraid to go outside Every single time my ptsd flairs up, I end up having a panic attack that results in me being afraid to leave whatever space I am in. As of right now I’m stuck in a car and have been here for an hour. I’m outside of my own house. My home. For the past two days I’ve been trying to listen to a cd that triggers my ptsd. It’s a pretty good cd and my girlfriend likes the band and so do I. But the songs on a certain cd are associated with an ex and the harmful things he did to me. I have slowly over the past year been able to listen to the cd in whole and only recently been able to listen to it on repeat. I guess it was just too much and now here I am. In a car. Outside of my house. Its just super annoying.",0.6263636363636387,2.1780104242424265,3.003030303030304,93.12454545454548,81.12121212121212,5.36969696969697,18.87878787878788,6.079149491110277,-0.24010303030302985,580,13,136,4,15,200,90,165,0.07400000000000001,0.8370000000000001,0.08900000000000001,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,8,10,2,3,14,0,15,0,0,3,1,15,23,9,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,7,7,0,0,0,6,0,3,0,6,0,1,7,4,14,4,27,14,4,27,0,0,0,0,7,13,0,1,12,97,21,0,0.3044964433892928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732043314445757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818750781191984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13484673475512565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827569318969778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652617295071334,0.12769858498951664,0.0,0.0,0.1677185808129389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271737992095738,0.0,0.14993383030040444,0.3513480131961818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612088838668315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438079076527869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191996085047423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579163316640012,0.0,0.17863048444676932,0.0,0.0,0.2906763097058196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15489117568716312,0.0,0.0,0.5339100714489016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150326751561142,0.0,0.0,0.1300191494570777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114695341675388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08877716241791465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336654869492068,0.0,0.14872439006381769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699797024246252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804286311732834 ptsd,n8toxic21,2018/12/14,"Will writing down what happened help me cope? My problem is mostly a health anxiety issue. 6 months ago I felt a gurgle in my chest that felt like my heart skipping a beat. I ended up FREAKING out and going to emergency room thinking I was dying. This all happened suddenly and it started right after taking a bite of my food. Over the course of the months I correlated eating with panic and fear, I’m trying my best now to realize that the food wasn’t the cause and it was just stuck gas in my chest/upper stomach from a tums that I took an hour before “The incident” Are there any ways for mind to calm down? It feels like every morning I wake up and get worried about eating during the day and can’t stop my mind from racing all because of that one time I ended up in the emergency room from panicking about gas. I figured I’d write this down here in hopes of someone knowing something I can do to remind my mind that I’m okay, and that I’m not in danger. Will writing down what exactly happened and how I felt during that day help my mind THOROUGHLY process it with a calm, logical mind? ",7.127970112079701,5.937145931506853,7.315184723951847,78.07658779576589,64.57077625570776,9.972768783727687,33.607721046077216,8.841846274778883,2.6790054794520546,865,30,169,11,11,281,121,219,0.128,0.7559999999999999,0.11599999999999999,-0.4209,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,7,12,1,2,14,1,10,9,4,2,3,39,29,9,1,2,2,0,4,2,0,2,1,0,2,0,15,11,4,1,9,0,0,2,3,5,0,1,8,4,20,7,31,19,4,34,0,0,0,0,5,17,0,2,16,109,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09503173410313548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290382034062208,0.0,0.08201236866189708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535184000112372,0.0,0.09122449010105962,0.0,0.11250618182034812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110130190068008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13827812369903042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126300016747473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193971968880272,0.0,0.0,0.18990555809397947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032575816284527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206366610946447,0.054206622433287485,0.0765880551498442,0.30880398790915803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592680694089042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056010759474959856,0.0,0.060927693925183525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844059852634514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395506500009307,0.0,0.1270397378582498,0.1437159703306869,0.0,0.0,0.1064798411820761,0.10557640780873273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11189530937469212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058917665715802724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475096491882127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5412379708296174,0.0,0.17114176324207034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264562397634224,0.0,0.0,0.12578325275381655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10258175369375472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155341872159173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083537575736808,0.08253248896614099,0.0,0.0,0.07588102529377164,0.0,0.0,0.08962909516044999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060564090964044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869333640021934,0.0,0.0,0.06251273568317943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191099153306296,0.07278590079991265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509520757921346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887299261405532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,joshtho2014,2018/12/14,"Is it possible to start feeling the symptoms of PTSD years after the traumatic experience? Has anyone here experienced something traumatic, but took years to truly feel the intense memory-inspired anxiety and depression that can come with PTSD?",12.836153846153842,13.287277871794878,11.681666666666667,46.04250000000002,52.33333333333334,16.005128205128205,50.269230769230774,14.554592549557764,8.416938461538463,203,12,23,8,2,65,33,39,0.245,0.624,0.132,-0.7657,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,6,8,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,7,0,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,16,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924149244241487,0.0,0.0,0.17297062096863858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21309199007930452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21306405663313085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419805941621974,0.0,0.0,0.25016085492733103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788785777729735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5783371742953228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19044165705454194,0.0,0.0,0.17509357074971982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25711774337672644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748431548756176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31860327486176016 ptsd,a13239,2018/12/26,"Frustrated- Should I Go IN PATIENT? I've been in therapy for the past five years and trauma therapy for the past 7 months. Balancing therapy, a full time job, and symptoms of PTSD is not always easy. I've reached a point where I just think, fuck it, if I keep going at this rate its going to take me at least five years to go through all my sexual assault related trauma. Should I make the move to go in patient for the sake of time? I'm not suicidal, but one hour a week, sometimes every other week just isn't cutting it for me. If anything, its made me better at pretending everything is okay, and choosing to focus on very typical topics rather than unpacking the layers and layers of related issues that I have. I'm incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin and just tired. 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I'd say it was very much related to anorexic tendencies, but I was never diagnosed with anything before I came out of my mental fog and got it together a little. I can't say for sure what started it, but this was just after I went NC with my abuser. One of the last times I saw him he made a comment about how much weight I had lost, which was directly related to his abuse. I was almost proud of it, and his real concern for me. It was one of the first non-abusive things he had said to me for months. Anyways, what reminded me of this is that the holidays are really freaking hard for me in terms of food. I'm hungry, and I know I should eat, but the guilt of the looming family dinner won't let me make lunch. Please know that you all deserve to eat today and every day, and that in the very least you have one person who knows what it's like and doesn't care how you look or what you eat as long as you're making positive progress towards healthiness in your own way and at your own pace. I did have a question for y'all related to this. Has anybody else had a changing or unhealthy relationship with food in relation to their ptsd? I'm wondering if this is something common or just a way my specific mental illness chose to manifest. 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I have an MRI at the end of January and am afraid. In 1993 my first memory post accident was being inside an MRI machine strapped down to a backboard screaming. I need this new MRI to search for nerve damage due to DDD and am so scared of a panic attack. Just getting my xray last month made me cry. Any hints of what to do? Are we aloud to listen to music while inside? Anything?,1.9301582278481035,4.201420291139243,3.048591772151898,90.79415348101269,80.26582278481013,5.468987341772152,21.26740506329114,6.6274283507984215,0.4221759493670887,309,9,62,3,8,99,62,79,0.251,0.7190000000000001,0.03,-0.9664,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,1,2,6,1,3,5,0,7,4,0,1,0,6,11,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,1,2,2,6,0,13,8,0,11,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,7,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897321320880365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22959633130796894,0.0,0.0,0.31740706840867833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064725420189291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471145288696387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237320465535078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14576795516891355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701034691009688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274253119350531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2640001146515526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269814858475287,0.0,0.0,0.2068777613462424,0.0,0.26946358112712965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273508111707602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2672084893607918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793314479039479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,B3TH34,2018/12/26,Diagnosed at 14 I’m very new to reddit and I was just wondering if anyone with ptsd could help me or advise me on ways of how to deal with this condition as it has caused me to develop anxiety and depression. Thankyou!,2.6959090909090904,4.7615813181818245,4.790909090909089,80.30636363636366,76.72727272727272,9.854545454545457,26.90909090909091,10.125756701596842,3.139427272727273,174,7,34,6,4,60,37,44,0.12,0.823,0.057,-0.4574,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,0,11,5,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,9,3,0,4,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,3,1,24,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323817016784764,0.0,0.0,0.2124016605571115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3120534303756537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425340438744724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131714872840334,0.2616349480650629,0.30831814315180395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036092987479745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933810438723408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3550885563523135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506404273180986,0.0,0.24111691278498665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294234567349499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,weaveb1,2018/12/26,"Thinking of trying MDMA for my PTSD!Anyone have experience with this? 14 months ago I happened upon a van vs motorcycle accident. I immediately started first aide on rider including CPR. I looked up for help and saw no less than 8 people recording with their cell phones. Minutes seemed like hours waiting to hear those sirens. He passed away but they paramedics kept up the efforts till they got to the ER. The lady driving the van was found at fault. Pulled out in Front of this 23 yo kid. I sat there after the ambulance left covered in blood. Listening and watching the fireman cutting the lady’s door off. She was joking with them oblivious to the fact that this kid died. I remember that so vividly. Sigh’. I’m also an RN. Was a kickass ninja CVICU nurse till this happened. A few days later I arrived at work entered the icu and my heart race. Sweating. Mind racing. Fast forward. I left the icu and have a much more chill job. Go to see a therapist weekly. Take celexa. Turns out crazy medical experiences dating back 23 years including being an Army Medic has an affect. Haha. Sigh’ Watched an episode of vice last week where is the video journalist was talking about his experiences in journalism in war-torn countries and how he just kind of felt numb to it all until he got home and realized he has PTSD from it. And how he feels kind of volatile sometimes like little things will just make him snap and that’s kind of new to me because that’s kind of what I’ve been going through lately. The vice episode was about the pentagon doing a study on MDMA for PTSD. A photojournalist went to Europe to get the treatment. And he interviewed military veterans that had also had the treatment and how to help them so I’m curious if anybody out there has tried it had similar experiences or have any advice because I really can’t stand the thought of going on like this and I’m feeling kind of desperate to try anything at this point",3.6795601401323488,6.178636185286107,4.222044375243286,83.46883923705724,75.43051771117166,7.246056831451927,27.651926819774232,8.238735603445708,2.068320420397042,1548,63,282,28,35,489,224,367,0.062,0.87,0.068,0.342,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,5,3,15,15,1,0,27,1,20,6,3,5,2,42,51,24,1,1,6,0,3,3,0,1,3,2,2,2,17,17,0,2,9,2,0,10,2,3,3,1,18,11,19,10,52,31,5,54,0,0,6,0,24,24,0,3,24,169,36,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08804537553248902,0.07986884713761595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410701784565613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06127157562140335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300051460276249,0.0,0.07414521104735973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846525873122513,0.06928188795152608,0.0,0.10984911868591213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058107507078679226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09351031669909704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35254315144916365,0.0,0.0,0.09111525706291113,0.0,0.08651081570652229,0.0,0.0,0.07663962182110565,0.0,0.09879078299739352,0.0,0.0,0.047073904614982134,0.0,0.1536189374575681,0.0,0.14412354466448296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15935152873865244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015500536883475,0.10676978063339984,0.1207852195259169,0.0,0.09037836311919384,0.0,0.08873105448610419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941105648420086,0.0,0.0,0.4691301459850593,0.0,0.07344410799107075,0.10163753059337126,0.0,0.19578938011442248,0.0,0.0,0.13205597398979385,0.09030458634838864,0.0,0.0,0.07566190782935245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06014292664711132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18153398179157226,0.0,0.0,0.09097603693172614,0.0,0.07191753079244287,0.0,0.06623439236100999,0.0,0.0,0.0870198316254843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246449077408025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851742984331339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31596874131404395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057720824941184724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206654557093288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07179860416702127,0.08202430663670066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911191062070281,0.0,0.06377374954829806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774452421603475,0.07241954145081925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461387417665396,0.05985891120598698,0.05773289981605133,0.0,0.07152990305454468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18351741256619133,0.09800370442648183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454671694105012,0.0,0.0,0.08352426512587617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559439333196189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05802190614224473 ptsd,PainlessHam,2018/12/26,"it’s been ten years and i still wake up , sweating, terrified, from nightmares. i sleep with amethyst under my pillow and around my neck for insomnia. i take lexapro. i smoke medical marijuana, indica, before bed. Most nights, 6 i’d day out of the week, i sleep fine now. but there’s always that one. does it ever go away? my trauma lasted for 10 years, and it’s been 10 years. does it ever stop? will my symptoms ever go away? will i ever not get fucking triggered over someone’s tone of voice??",0.9465424266455179,3.5108263505154653,2.404536082474227,91.11308485329106,89.61855670103094,5.046471054718478,19.83267248215702,6.67199483983844,0.4124661379857257,384,12,76,5,13,124,66,97,0.10800000000000001,0.877,0.015,-0.8611,0,0,2,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,8,3,1,0,1,0,4,9,5,1,4,15,9,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,0,5,6,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,2,2,1,10,1,13,5,1,23,0,0,0,1,0,7,1,1,14,48,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184223825981914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105317871923045,0.0,0.0,0.297736051099298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482840533781346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021864791504525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27731952732754744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5733046682535594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464835219271621,0.0827830484270467,0.0,0.1801004051377528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915706054625878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15962067018574266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14869362712808595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736912450428568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171268050437384,0.0,0.13425330027122573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653755417035584,0.1324704359428832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164689151527055,0.11913390815382592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709820830003085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061078301421137 ptsd,catstille,2018/12/26,"Trauma related nightmares every night - help? Every single night without fail I get nightmares relating to my trauma. I wake up usually twice a night to my bed and my pajamas soaked in sweat. Does anyone have any practical tips to help? They really ruin the whole day for me tbh, and I just feel so disgusting and it makes the prospect of sleep scary. ",4.203435897435899,6.706192138461539,4.79192307692308,80.0022435897436,73.76923076923076,8.64102564102564,26.21794871794872,9.2995712137729,2.600794871794872,279,10,48,7,6,89,50,65,0.22,0.649,0.131,-0.8469,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,1,0,3,0,1,3,3,1,0,7,4,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,1,8,0,8,4,2,7,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,29,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030320126151214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15454440219438514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425415332097417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193418693661364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3724427758330824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175585645897154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547538132901095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962940805047313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753455116207914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6222452647032362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415929765169093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22118259376705973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434255795506177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467642568599784,0.0,0.21305825934533504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,stormserg101,2018/12/26,"Drinking and PTSD If alcohol reduces stress and helps you speak out your feelings, do you guys think it's more of a good thing to keep drinking (hard enough to talk a lot) more than once a week? I mean of course too much of anything is too much, but do you guys think PTSD needs more emotional release through oral expression or is it more of a chemical thing inside your head that you have to handle sober first?",11.142592592592592,6.913137827160496,9.070864197530863,78.1188888888889,59.617283950617285,12.77530864197531,40.580246913580254,9.725611199111238,3.570758024691357,328,11,69,4,3,97,55,81,0.024,0.893,0.083,0.5703,0,0,3,0,0,0,6.0,0,6,0,1,2,2,0,1,4,0,5,4,1,0,0,13,11,5,0,2,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,5,3,3,1,4,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,7,1,10,11,8,3,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,3,2,47,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183495102021816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129448509336756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364013016852557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931394101537461,0.0,0.17741201698859976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868166881515154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604794766915893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14401382891658246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3400200250828723,0.0,0.0,0.15380949088260995,0.0,0.17621375401048398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508690284058147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526148652122463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597321532416882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18703165527846854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524385386978877,0.1273133878061724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828549155769527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4014162657207971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19668179060128585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800597065473816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22813972521292636,0.2200368772905779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772739772145878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jpurc1111,2018/12/26,"Trigger word r*pe Any r\*pe victims get triggered by the word and find it come up far too often than the subject should ever come up. It happened to me Thanksgiving and now Christmas and it's so terrible... Makes no sense why the word would ever need to be said. Just venting and wondering if other victims have similar experiences with hearing the word? I literally freeze and feel so crazy when the word is said and I hate the person that said it like they did it intentional. Even through I know they probably didn't but I also still feel it was intentional,. But it will set me off for days. I literally feel I don't even want to be around people anymore and I'm already extremely selective to who I associate with.",3.5026923076923064,5.9113676304347855,4.539855072463767,81.42125418060203,75.59420289855072,8.014269788182832,28.73132664437012,8.841846274778883,2.536921293199554,575,25,107,13,13,187,88,138,0.081,0.897,0.021,-0.7116,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,0,14,5,3,0,6,0,11,0,0,5,2,39,29,14,0,5,4,0,4,1,0,3,0,4,0,1,10,12,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,6,8,11,1,14,18,0,14,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,3,7,76,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18532511372259616,0.13430093963155262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420443364491213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655058715589274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495015177418663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.289329548432251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830690853199068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218445519055322,0.3038212921206542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427678959744235,0.0,0.0,0.2547453584410209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349341154459845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774131498147228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14850810433289724,0.0,0.0,0.16580521868265852,0.0,0.0,0.18927971494888288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229500749502276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204662366401558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210073848797043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452480931017094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164279148923947,0.14663805581644848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810668916420496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4792459894120122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411648409191582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990549075898514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15153903162703944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18212292851705972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11929920887041427,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,reemergence111,2018/12/26,"The C word....CHRISTMAS! Regardless of where you are in your healing journey, Christmas and the holidays can be an incredible trigger for most of us. I hope that you’re all practicing self care. Sending much love and warm, heartfelt wishes to the community. May LOVE prevail <3 ",4.905306122448977,7.9394076938775555,5.089142857142857,76.03085714285714,74.10204081632655,8.001632653061224,36.330612244897964,8.841846274778883,3.8433559183673474,223,13,35,5,5,70,42,49,0.0,0.593,0.40700000000000003,0.9761,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,1,2,0,0,1,6,0,0,4,0,4,3,0,1,1,9,9,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,5,7,3,4,0,0,0,2,7,2,0,3,0,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3276619091338837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3191966011596779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5801046293181913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23624664979110466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352628617315225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3865729955877238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695638987277502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway908682,2018/12/26,"Traumatic event happened 48 hours ago. How to begin to cope? (TRIGGER CAR ACCIDENT/WATER) I need advice. Two nights ago I survived a major car accident. (TRIGGER WARNING/TRAPPED IN VEHICLE) &#x200B; I was driving home at night, took a turn too fast and crashed down a ravine into a creek. The water was up to my neck/shoulders, it was pitch dark, and I couldn’t get out. My car was 3/4 submerged and I was in an air bubble type thing in the front two seats. I took turns screaming, trying to save air, trying to break a window or shove on the door- all of it was useless. I even tried to dive to the backseat where my tools were so find something sharp enough to break glass but the second my head was fully underwater I freaked and had to go back to the front. According to police I was in there for 20 around minutes. I ""Knew"" I was going to die. &#x200B; And I didn't. By a miracle, I’m completely physically unhurt (aside from expected cuts & bruises) but I’m obviously not mentally okay. Being trapped in a vehicle in water was my worst fear, ever since I was a kid (we visited a lake a lot, saw a car loading a boat go into the water). And it fucking happened to me! Life gave me my worst fucking fear. For a long time. Alone. In the dark. Afterward I just remember being cold. I’m in the pacific northwest of US (very cold) so had to be treated for hypothermia at the hospital. But other than that, I’m physically fine. &#x200B; I won’t have insurance until late January, so I feel like I can’t see a professional. I can’t drive now so I can’t attend support groups. I can’t seem to find valuable support online. &#x200B; I’m very lucky to have an amazing supportive husband- but I haven’t been able to leave his side since he picked me up from the hospital. I even had him stay with me when I showered. Is that normal? The thought of a bath is terrifying. (rest of my friends and family live elsewhere) &#x200B; I couldn’t look out any windows after it got dark last night. Darkness is filling me with dread. Should I be trying to expose myself to it as “exposure therapy”? &#x200B; I want to move on but feel like I’m unable to and I am prone to anxiety & depression and just want to survive this as healthily as possible. I read you should deal the traumatic event soon after. Not to mention insurance, the salvage yard my car is in, everything is closed- so I can’t do anything with my real life problems either. &#x200B; I just feel like I need to do SOMETHING productive because otherwise my mind is back in that car, in the dark, swimming between driver and passenger doors trying to get them open. Or SHOULD I be thinking about the event and focusing on it? ",2.03044895846811,4.611629580152677,3.4569349204295534,86.09675960667617,82.3969465648855,6.529641609522577,26.629447535256823,7.773731181650412,1.8496382843834904,2116,93,401,39,59,692,261,524,0.153,0.759,0.08800000000000001,-0.9896,1,3,2,0,0,0,104.0,2,1,1,2,22,27,3,3,33,1,45,8,1,4,3,69,84,29,1,12,13,1,4,3,1,4,2,1,8,1,12,22,3,0,10,4,0,20,12,13,0,3,24,10,54,14,72,49,8,78,0,2,3,2,15,30,2,5,28,266,66,3,0.051719761209415016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050539952071818516,0.09169289544064704,0.0,0.0,0.05356607474908446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5043450569590185,0.4399161961558381,0.03517121116858489,0.0,0.039565475761990834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04256095666609617,0.046041552702515184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953860779941048,0.0,0.0315278863877915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422718561843655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332080279981311,0.044546154543960666,0.0,0.053676946638145935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344033889296471,0.0,0.06832082899626701,0.04678348502612578,0.0,0.0,0.04648238646556783,0.0,0.04875678792736447,0.11639822062023245,0.07845319581728126,0.11084582322630904,0.0,0.0,0.09454184952585834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039958559213979235,0.0956281716739502,0.05404288115499383,0.0,0.08818059653302604,0.0,0.04136501772927157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147122806070256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307939615232997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051879137464612944,0.0,0.05093354663874245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04215850833024717,0.05834214339845131,0.05476375937678374,0.0,0.0,0.0730623937545259,0.07580298858261703,0.0,0.04566949669786425,0.04577036114436124,0.043431573461195284,0.0,0.0,0.04397029146408138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052121354681430115,0.0,0.052222215174910366,0.0,0.0,0.054969921130979205,0.0,0.07669909519613305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456064769069799,0.05067438484015832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058306259726696175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0494888265710881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05173375731131837,0.05886841115303084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05858840728537239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0412139535038467,0.047083728146667884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08556624185938681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963279795584659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512638391603855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760729163406341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059146054364850084,0.0,0.034360311204595734,0.033139934630566144,0.0,0.04105971324688737,0.030158208680511986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492511544094194,0.17557161443451705,0.11251249698508807,0.10104538305273386,0.0,0.062212504648690374,0.0,0.0,0.08534843905868304,0.06101131034823942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4399161961558381,0.0 ptsd,throwwwawwwayyy234,2019/07/20,"Needing romantic attention? I’ve always been a sucker for romance, but after my first abusive ex boyfriend, I’ve felt empty and depressed without some kind of romance in my life. I’ll talk to guys just because they’re into me (and half of the time I won’t be into them), I just need the romantic attention. Does anyone know why this is or does anyone else feel this?",4.806249999999999,5.9089215694444475,5.595444444444446,80.59400000000002,69.41666666666667,7.982222222222222,31.06666666666667,8.238735603445708,2.362263333333334,291,12,53,4,5,95,55,72,0.18,0.67,0.151,-0.5283,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,17,9,4,0,2,5,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,2,6,3,9,5,1,6,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,2,3,33,8,0,0.0,0.2671386845420905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18760461004701254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31530018337449484,0.23101512841850155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744112839229106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941923309020212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3946111843169625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18834674357387604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400167697554965,0.0,0.216481375018384,0.0,0.0,0.1917800748637612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22324540298672568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347866870425639,0.12390944857987912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925231582527494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33435829033265896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121990624453488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314702222774061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20344673408524205,0.0,0.0,0.21733983013030628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Mooknown,2019/07/20,"EMDR? Has anybody else gone through with EMDR? (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) for trauma? Ive been waiting nearly 6 years for the opportunity to do this treatment, and will 100% try it out as i've had to do endless CBT and Distress Tolerance sessions since 2013 to get ready for this stage, however I can't help but feel apprehensive about it. Would love to hear other peoples opinions. Thanks in advance.",6.1862612612612615,8.577386635135138,6.44162162162162,70.84639639639641,67.78378378378378,8.176576576576577,35.306306306306304,8.841846274778883,3.3936198198198197,337,17,53,6,6,108,62,74,0.07,0.742,0.188,0.8936,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,1,6,0,2,1,0,9,2,1,0,0,9,16,4,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,3,3,2,3,14,11,0,8,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,1,1,33,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123366446029807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18904973130947605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19534179688492107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4214005641445883,0.0,0.25061020550888097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33744981065817586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592078555860209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3092852024222223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34422715602957793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538463820776953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656003256005134,0.0,0.0,0.2407725362324637 ptsd,denndeer258,2019/07/20,"Is This Normal? I've been SO irritable since my dad died last August and it takes me forever to calm down. Like, I just stay mad for so long and I hate it but it's like I can't control it. Is this normal? What can I do on my own to help myself get better? I don't have access to therapy right now but I am on antidepressants but they aren't helping with this.",-0.8459493670886076,1.2195204177215224,1.979607594936713,94.94055063291141,91.65822784810128,5.185316455696203,15.49493670886076,6.742157984588678,-0.362601012658228,279,6,67,4,10,97,54,79,0.14,0.687,0.17300000000000001,0.5877,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,4,6,2,0,0,0,10,0,0,1,0,10,13,7,1,2,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,11,4,8,12,1,9,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,6,47,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156022163762112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734182451017531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530035291262177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736417133165834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406807361439757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267990943146598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871196217911405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23819566040774254,0.0,0.0,0.21573624477878625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4777022168302307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20818545253379148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165604156317304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598353772383329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329104542321387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2787818872984069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HelpPliz410,2019/07/20,"idk what to do with my life army got me out cause i got mental shit, i cant sleep dont wanna eat always angry when i close my eyes i just wanna shoot and shoot . i see no meaning to life. i love my family but i cant find myself",-1.5503144654088068,0.15335437735849133,1.6587735849056635,98.90312893081764,90.13207547169813,4.2880503144654085,10.720125786163523,5.46131890053228,-1.5646704402515719,174,1,45,1,6,62,36,53,0.21600000000000005,0.731,0.053,-0.6187,0,0,0,2,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,4,7,3,1,0,11,9,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,2,12,1,6,7,0,3,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,28,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20702967131421887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25559618510075965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916032128093696,0.0,0.0,0.2545945235895402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23455572004708405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274076342268129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3979918255773479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3514834160319705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245605434724075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710267949341167,0.0,0.0,0.2507417407263386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19826918365670834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2553996669074373,0.0,0.0,0.24898947059647555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Pinacolada801,2019/07/20,"Can SSRIs treat PTSD if you’re still living in the abusive environment? I have been prescribed an SSRI to treat panic disorder and PTSD, but I’m wondering if it would be better to wait until I live in a safe and predictable environment before starting the medication. I’ve read that one of the ways SSRIs can help are by making certain areas of the brain more neuroplastic, so I wonder if that can reinforce some of the damage that’s been caused by trauma if I’m still experiencing it. I don’t have a background in biolology or neuroscience, so this is just my intuitive guess. I’d love to hear from people who have more knowledge on this topic. Thanks",8.844026666666664,7.568458375999999,9.1494,66.57236666666668,61.24,11.853333333333332,35.23333333333333,10.864195022040775,3.772093333333333,527,18,92,11,6,176,85,125,0.10400000000000001,0.703,0.193,0.9279999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,10,0,1,8,0,13,3,1,2,1,20,24,11,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,2,2,5,7,14,20,3,10,0,1,0,1,4,5,0,9,4,65,13,1,0.0,0.20509670790762008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14729643749769447,0.0,0.0,0.15309401287371616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323827353162826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782269476092286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983890606133896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069057259133612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19509772017036034,0.0,0.11602613737705425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30570319849245586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562306611168673,0.0,0.11554644677229785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438132573359444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172979054161687,0.0,0.0,0.20309705219491314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200066302182954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40469225986922897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314812099562835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252197504269942,0.0,0.2764778073621207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936839927688076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13739973674458894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754419025200204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12296618089810167,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Pete260,2019/07/20,I have a question I have very mild PTSD but I was wondering are dogs to help with PTSD considered service dogs or are they an emotional support animali don't have one I am just eondering,3.958558558558561,5.79637602702703,5.165945945945946,79.99234234234235,72.51351351351352,10.33873873873874,33.954954954954964,10.504223727775694,4.043349549549551,151,8,29,5,3,50,29,37,0.0,0.757,0.243,0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,0,0,6,10,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,5,1,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,0,21,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241940305761448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19317904548177275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19529649023538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6737970102490025,0.0,0.32285774666608713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270538349043952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378009197329726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3125481464878173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,layahuasca,2019/07/20,"""It’s not that nobody loves you it’s that nobody can love you the way I can"" TW: Flashbacks? I'm new at this, sorry My supposed best friend texted me that, about five minutes ago. The reaction in my body was fucking instantaneous, my shoulders tensed, my mouth got that dry bitter taste, my stomach twisted into knots and before I knew I was crying tears were streaming down my face, it went fucking dark for a second and my knees locked so fast I got dizzy. I haven't heard anyone say that to me in a long time, not since everything happened, months before the PTSD diagnosis, and he fucking knows that because the 'everything' I referred to is something we were subjected to together. I begged him, pleaded with him to stop saying things like that to me, I asked him why, and he said ""I don't want you to feel alone..."" Everyone I know has told me to cut him out of my life, but what they don't understand is that I can't, because maybe he's right. I feel ridiculous posting this, I'm sorry. But what the fuck am I supposed to do now?",5.698934959349593,5.671157458536588,5.808109756097561,83.84858739837401,67.09756097560975,8.589430894308942,30.741869918699194,8.07648339933343,1.97040650406504,809,28,165,9,12,256,124,205,0.129,0.825,0.045,-0.8957,0,1,1,0,0,0,30.0,1,3,1,1,3,12,7,0,7,0,15,14,6,0,0,21,38,7,0,1,4,0,2,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,16,8,1,1,7,0,0,1,6,7,0,2,11,8,34,5,18,27,1,18,0,0,0,6,21,7,4,0,9,103,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316677241948002,0.0,0.0,0.13222179889516902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892659047159719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119348964382751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564604548992286,0.0,0.21726597347252044,0.0,0.1339758933582156,0.0,0.0,0.14180634928472718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402333297185461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198878858953845,0.2294730306152545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910189553900034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863318537488633,0.4720946585320536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042097383881326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128931919875562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032201201992506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017312897260306,0.06237036880135214,0.0,0.0,0.112978961309694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23044417944149476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825603166333302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190049226748192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232990563213556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222671889144709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14923283157927444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902468526405527,0.12143806278001153,0.20304768236362508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560529660184416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098282278905993,0.0,0.28581964875099264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673314035476393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0848145431478929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444212819161912,0.0,0.0,0.12198878858953845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329031246981888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529976057591879,0.1013340446850536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11834616176089313,0.11519724844598965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,4TNK,2019/07/20,"The feelings of years ago just keep coming back. Long, long story short. &#x200B; I was homeless from mid 2014 to 2016. I was jobless from 2014 to spring of 2015. Now, I seem to be facing joblessness again and I am on my first week of job hunting, and all of the old feelings and triggers just keep coming back and back and back and back again. &#x200B; I'm so scared. I've got a part time small gig that will help ensure that I likely make rent (I'm going to talk to my new boss on Monday, the hours are slim. She said she's getting more work though and she seems swamped at the moment. She knows I don't want to lose my apartment and she's very sympathetic it seems), but... Jesus Christ in heaven, I've been here before and I don't like it. I don't like it at all. I'm so scared, man. When I got diagnosed in 2017 I was dumbfounded and cried over it. I thought only veterans and trauma survivors got this shit. I didn't think homeless people got it. It's been an albatross on my neck for years. &#x200B; I really regret changing jobs that led me to this circumstance. I'm just, so scared right now. I feel back in 2014 when I'm on Reddit. The hopeless scrolling. The job application process when I'm offsite, and the daily commutes with resumes in hand to restaurants while waiting for the call from other jobs. I'm just so... scared. I'm sick of it.",1.752784150156412,4.0083844087591265,2.5673044838373293,94.08571167883213,80.82481751824818,5.228154327424401,21.46454640250261,6.367922702773337,0.2143466110531804,1064,32,226,9,28,333,142,274,0.149,0.7879999999999999,0.063,-0.9732,7,0,0,0,0,1,51.0,0,0,0,3,23,13,1,4,10,0,13,6,4,4,2,40,44,22,0,2,5,0,4,3,0,1,2,1,1,1,13,15,0,3,9,0,1,4,4,9,0,1,12,5,24,4,30,30,4,48,3,3,0,0,10,16,1,3,31,132,37,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323987513123678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685643841668203,0.3011862006771249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38118968816588594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030567554056567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436682641957834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874036663998059,0.14234396299030733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075695399134598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386011438320408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532927960647675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027866976233574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04316685440570581,0.0,0.046956279786200664,0.0,0.2643230944979191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05538013075695706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08136653506000785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279603924154149,0.14687737670058018,0.0,0.0,0.04540717393798424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210955634389172,0.0,0.0,0.146236653071754,0.0,0.0924334611993768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05515117089485321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979734064785399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669843176669463,0.0,0.0,0.06283814640640213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894721331449533,0.0,0.0572800493357226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05293009931494717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070559177082153,0.0785929329257458,0.0,0.330878207864884,0.0,0.0,0.2256493059971399,0.0,0.0,0.08481082518815666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640884854366946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052941171996714206,0.08117620231140478,0.06559304854917554,0.048177853416620016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817222849451995,0.0487329005156199,0.0,0.06627479849027867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015017555799315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011862006771249,0.10641238262553916 ptsd,geedoll88,2019/07/20,"Hey I don't think people realize how much strength it takes to pull your own self out of a dark place mentally. So if you've done that today or any day. I am proud of you! ~ Do not give up!",-0.17244186046511345,1.2742954186046518,2.049011627906978,99.51909883720931,83.18604651162791,6.16046511627907,17.726744186046513,7.1686216300943375,-0.2385302325581393,145,3,39,2,4,49,39,43,0.0,0.836,0.16399999999999998,0.7835,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,7,7,4,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,5,6,2,6,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,2,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22747931136570054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2157322634741929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423214352277814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32089394070488764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3371089444019338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459044640227105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23190817605045105,0.0,0.34949335181776403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3489684801613401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515110401710876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21434148151255816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170778171401569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,menztruatingheart,2019/07/20,"Tips for treating nightmares that aren't cannabis? Hi guys. First time posting here. Haven't had a flashback in over two years, my life's going great (comparatively), etc, but the nightmares have never slowed down. I've used cannabis with FANTASTIC results to treat them for over five years, with long breaks here and there for various reasons. I take two to three tokes before bed and sleep without waking up in fear and disgust, or feeling disturbed the entire next day. It's fantastic. It's the only time I use except for rare occasions when the kids are gone and I have the house to myself. But I'm pregnant again and I'm so damn exhausted. I'll lay in bed ""sleeping"" for nine hours and feel completely unrested. They're relentless and sometimes I can't get a particularly bad one out of my mind for DAYS. The feelings of worthlessness and paranoia are steadily mounting again and I think this has a lot to do with it, combined with my hormones. I've tried meditation before bed and after waking up at night, sleeping medication my baby doc approved that made them more vivid, incense, various teas, etc. I even re-tried all the diet changes that I tried with no success years ago. No dice. MY OB doesn't seem to be taking me seriously, which I'm used to. Pretty sure he thinks I'm whining because I can't get stoned but I don't even use recreationally save for maybe a couple times a month. Does anyone have suggestions I haven't tried? Anything. I'm so tired.",4.403712014960263,6.438615645161293,4.578145550880475,83.8451893408135,71.75985663082437,7.289449898706561,28.97631291880941,8.04050195162591,1.9620975845410635,1171,47,218,17,23,365,165,279,0.128,0.72,0.153,0.8219,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,2,3,10,15,2,2,12,0,16,11,5,7,3,41,38,17,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,4,0,3,2,8,16,2,0,7,0,0,2,11,9,0,7,3,4,19,6,33,34,7,35,0,2,1,0,7,10,1,3,21,129,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09358032549671033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381612323548993,0.0,0.08687408460872041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881454950161111,0.06435372896044325,0.0,0.17966245817768206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167773752540533,0.0,0.11068682380585564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680981177283142,0.0,0.1361662180212988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923839228378952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354741198384849,0.13945432489508994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1187941914205342,0.16013619300724585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897967231654964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031062733836312,0.0,0.059997152352231964,0.0,0.0,0.11638991742071195,0.0,0.10452965806906522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039639516289608,0.12181216132367688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456632878981427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342501997363216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975077442193864,0.0,0.09989170195488586,0.0,0.0,0.10605799682509172,0.0,0.0,0.10634940726951066,0.0,0.0,0.10659434126803646,0.0,0.08426396751264516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142112660665367,0.0,0.11227356120749367,0.09906911862620432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153611582252956,0.08028979000556835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110567873909264,0.1074013694216258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854225545037766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610582334409724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169349656259713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441019121198307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949729568672733,0.0,0.1587491206886485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352883821484522,0.0,0.0,0.18467395785621266,0.12133574609866205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2866970008580476,0.0,0.20625065422076036,0.0,0.0,0.3647100121869349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10176450589515827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394843761956336 ptsd,Anotherthrowwawayy,2019/07/20,"I still live in the same house and environment I was raped in as a child Sometimes I don’t know what to think, maybe I’ve dissociated and depersonalized so much I can’t even feel anything in this house anymore. I sit in the same spot I was touched and raped at. The molestor even lived next door to us even after the abuse had stopped, he lived next door to us for 7 years after the abuse ended, he worked in our community too so it was difficult to avoid seeing his face at all, but I never remember feeling any emotions when I saw him. I’m tired",4.779196428571428,5.081914955357141,5.505357142857147,84.08964285714286,69.08928571428572,8.542857142857143,28.5,8.418075326091056,1.6843964285714284,433,14,95,6,7,141,73,112,0.192,0.8079999999999999,0.0,-0.9527,0,1,0,0,2,0,7.0,3,0,0,1,8,4,2,1,6,0,6,4,1,0,2,15,13,8,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,3,3,0,2,5,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,5,5,13,0,15,8,4,18,0,0,2,2,8,7,0,0,10,60,16,1,0.0,0.3465820590228157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946000530868344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450479789094197,0.0,0.0,0.1203573273511152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451981970078244,0.12954059010849447,0.0,0.0,0.2898047773543211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1479042094033167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33752266264015324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037920807839759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874437273918797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693515447758476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751597211321384,0.0,0.1128026756475305,0.0,0.3110926767168343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568105294125707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654816249108302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465224720459094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11680129916180515,0.1222776836497782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371579666354003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681012948609827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35185913916732464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064770840777568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418493052285276 ptsd,hPhillyy,2019/07/20,"Wysa great CBT app This app was surprisingly helpful in many aspects, it's helped me reframe constant negative thoughts, mostly dealing with overgeneralisation from past experiences, and the meditations available have helped me sleep quicker and calm myself down during a panic attack. (To get free premium access, use my code QQ596 while signing up.) Here’s the link: https://app.wysa.io/U5Sd",11.366475409836063,13.682512491803285,8.92799180327869,58.21526639344265,55.22950819672131,10.69016393442623,41.47950819672131,10.686352973137794,5.152996721311477,326,16,40,7,4,96,56,61,0.135,0.6679999999999999,0.19699999999999998,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,1,3,0,2,1,1,1,0,8,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,5,6,3,1,6,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,23,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28705059498204905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726684421003073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601309937121778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468175216253259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182686343543712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781838544353196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073746304782195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558130273157665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2960433287939152,0.0,0.0,0.24086813231614174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525023710443518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2003140134358089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21792359507950695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,insufficientbugjuice,2018/12/03,"I don’t think I will ever be happy I have never been truly happy in my entire life. Even as a child, I was abused physically and mentally by my father and later by my brother for as long as I can remember. And for what I can’t remember, my mom and sister are sure to tell me. I’ve heard stories of when my mom went to work (she would sometimes have to go out of state) one of my dads military friend’s wife would watch my sister and I, and she would always call my mom because he would never feed or bathe me. At the time, my sister was old enough to bathe herself and make simple food (white bread with sugar an cinnamon or cereal or toast, basic things) but she was too young to take on the burden of caring for a child. This led to my mom having to quit her job in order to take care of us. What I DO remember was how angry my dad was. All the time. He would scream at us, calling us filthy names like cocksucker or bitch or tell us that we were disappointments, and when we would cry (for obvious reasons as at this point we understood what he was saying) he would get angrier and threaten us and say that if we didn’t stop crying he would give us something to cry about. Then, 17 days before my 13th birthday, he killed himself. And I was the one to find out. Ever since then, more and more psychological conditions are appearing. First it was depression and severe anxiety, then my seizures got worse, then it was PTSD, and now I might have a dissociative disorder from the trauma. Anytime I get close to moving on and getting better, something drags me back down. Whether it’s the anniversary of his death or the holidays or my birthday or whatever it is. He is always there. Even if it’s none of those, I will always have the nightmares. Anytime I begin to get better or if I have fun, I feel guilty. I don’t know why or how to stop it, but it’s like my brain won’t let go and I’m scared I’m never going to be happy. It really feels like he’s still here and he doesn’t want me to be happy. ",3.5484533221194283,4.4642120707317074,4.803305298570232,85.80646341463417,72.1951219512195,7.996635828427251,24.13793103448276,8.326086129247049,1.2706425567703958,1559,41,332,24,29,517,202,410,0.204,0.69,0.106,-0.9945,1,0,2,0,1,0,43.0,10,0,0,5,15,22,2,1,12,0,44,6,1,5,8,77,70,45,2,12,16,12,2,3,1,12,1,4,2,2,17,25,4,2,10,3,0,7,10,8,0,3,16,9,52,14,45,38,5,46,0,2,2,0,50,12,1,15,28,232,69,2,0.0,0.07645536056880782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16107788503302653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04936389334277496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04961819966050808,0.0,0.03933578937183379,0.0,0.05490874209672621,0.0,0.0,0.11413989112353568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203480752703803,0.13178100566629225,0.0,0.13158159286619156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264357999034889,0.041615348155950235,0.0,0.055578040687970696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395490311300228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06667487597478393,0.0,0.08524052979799156,0.11673889523914467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525478953791211,0.046098956138356,0.0,0.0,0.058977602146092864,0.05488765058027968,0.07802775077897788,0.0,0.049854324184943836,0.0,0.13485327649385725,0.061901325506494076,0.11001858257294822,0.0,0.0516090931294039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2747658582904961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403427769742702,0.0,0.07139088826139038,0.0,0.035463008980880686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598445236140459,0.045578173182628856,0.09457565140795393,0.0,0.0,0.05710542290410343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04307307192078227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650292444062247,0.06845421868332159,0.0,0.3022985732076636,0.0,0.06858326031750141,0.0,0.0,0.14930436845013625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771148692428519,0.0,0.0874519512677746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06100000260610462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543000802734487,0.0,0.0,0.0686336794123132,0.0,0.0,0.04133841471676946,0.06634573267641188,0.0,0.0,0.2192936012514657,0.0,0.0,0.10263082291302644,0.06460398126249803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289849429500682,0.0,0.05337839057336186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993539157351804,0.0638200358570048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05153230070534684,0.1078969225276254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060817061100000874,0.0,0.09703434556544288,0.0,0.11280097505406927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042869666163793736,0.041347062482725634,0.0,0.0,0.0752538200561264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.465716848073152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03806040188737882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05981828420167424,0.058226660199723924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046977295238148815,0.0,0.06575974455426907,0.3667118324519657,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BoldnBrashes,2018/12/03,"Finals week, anyone else? Finals are next week and I can’t even get out of bed. I keep having flashbacks. I spent 3 days in the psych ward two weeks ago (admitted myself for dark thoughts). I’ve already gotten extensions from some professors and missed some of the extensions. I had an essay due last night but I just cried all night instead. I am so terrified of my gpa dropping, I just applied for transfer, and I’m so scared that this quarter might mean I don’t get into my school of choice. But I just can’t get it together. I look at the page and the words jumble together, they don’t make sense. I can’t think straight at all. How am I supposed to do finals? Anyone else in school? How are you managing? Thanks for reading.",1.4148438133874244,3.9253409103448327,2.4661257606490885,92.57350912778908,84.72413793103449,5.618661257606491,21.63286004056795,7.048011613610866,0.6796693711967543,572,19,117,8,17,181,90,145,0.127,0.83,0.043,-0.9331,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,1,0,9,3,0,1,5,0,13,0,0,3,2,25,28,10,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,6,0,1,4,1,1,0,5,2,0,2,4,1,17,1,15,23,5,21,0,1,1,0,3,7,0,3,13,74,20,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465322593504385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15518025669380225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196652829288268,0.2881684249319456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544670450459927,0.09068978040862916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23494385328055464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287973394246074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4621347226671982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22040811697853285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499160320656595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462598140717292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180873548240659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386650856271417,0.0,0.0,0.15317896071999215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14917808778555344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14955346134398376,0.2639290932522356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066040138891242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140787501098472,0.2846346452346594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129466163895365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010512186629656,0.0,0.11163843583727598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13736759977787658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33839629362576873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,peachychamomile,2018/12/03,"So I walked past my rapist on the street this weekend I was sexually abused for about 6 months when I was 12 years old by this guy, and I haven't seen him in years (I never pressed charges or anything). I've had lots of therapy and almost completely gotten over it apart from the very occasional panic attack when doing sexual activities with my current boyfriend. We've been together for just over a year now and he's amazing and so supportive, but I do still have some small issues. But on Saturday, I was walking back from shopping in the town centre with my boyfriend, and I walked past him. He looks exactly the same as he did years ago, and I'm pretty sure he noticed me, and did that stupid hair flip that he always used to do. It was so weird, I just grabbed my boyfriend and walked past very quickly. I told him a couple of minutes later and he hugged me and told me it was okay etc, but I just felt so stunned. I didn't really feel upset or anything, it was really strange, I'm still not sure what to think about it. Have you ever seen your abuser in public randomly? How did you feel? ",3.952654109589041,5.181091351598177,4.511595319634704,87.09561215753428,71.55707762557077,7.849429223744293,26.47288812785388,8.278499904357787,1.5327737442922378,862,28,180,13,16,274,124,219,0.11699999999999999,0.7759999999999999,0.107,-0.5413,1,0,0,0,2,0,22.0,0,3,0,0,18,12,3,2,6,1,18,3,1,2,5,37,32,23,0,0,9,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,12,0,0,4,2,1,4,4,6,0,0,18,9,25,6,21,14,4,38,0,0,3,2,16,11,0,6,23,117,35,0,0.0,0.3027381630904694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324732155371366,0.0,0.12792842950263594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630260295376227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21026337196730813,0.0,0.0,0.14534004117066293,0.0,0.09823590203043757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339489498542258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135875510426207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248087525547254,0.0,0.11556193850561708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291937868750459,0.0,0.12266507549946125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12649778397771555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334329001463455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10728223471855522,0.0,0.0,0.1086129456881768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197302235961624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853272530467401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14545019983076196,0.13405764500406747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989326044733847,0.0,0.0,0.3658705281873877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12997301894005078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368657008901155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20405101668864795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14497514467835712,0.24081562397976145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14609926330934372,0.0,0.0,0.08186040620357775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441512340060239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033951796161624,0.0,0.2108229231007913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32908077166700506 ptsd,supersofttofu,2018/12/03,"I’m starting to realize I have ptsd TL;DR: a friend of mine snipped at me in the most minor way and it’s triggered a massive panic attack and flashbacks related to past abuse that I thought I was over About 2.5 years ago I was in a long term relationship with a man that ended up turning abusive in the last year of the relationship, I was unable to get away until our lease at the time broke so for the remaining 7 months of that lease he spent every day making my life literally hell with verbal/physical/mental abuse to try and break me down enough to keep me from leaving him. He did things from faking arguments to get the police called on our apartment from him yelling so loud, breaking/burning things I owned and just damaging my stuff, isolated me from my friends a family and would stalk me when I left the house until I got back, and it even got to the point where he took out all the lightbulbs from the apartment for the last 3 months so I could live in the dark because he paid for them. I was getting scolded daily for the littlest things and I eventually moved into our closet in attempt to create a place I could be alone in and slept on a pile of blankets and clothes for months. I left when the lease was up and got my own place, stopped dating all together and just focus on trying to get better and just be alone for a while. Fast forward 2.5 years later, and I’m living in a much better apartment and have finally started feeling socially brave enough to get back out and make friends that I’ve been regularly hanging out with pretty much every day for months and pretty much all of them are male, thought I was cool because honestly besides little things like still having a habit of walking on eggshells eight people unintentionally and always over apologizing I don’t have any residual symptoms of what happened to me, my friends actually don’t know because I never brought it up because I thought I settled it until last night:/ My friends are in a band and I control their media and take videos for them, but last night one of them was having a hard time taking direction and snapped at me when I was pointing out his markers and where to stand, now by snapped I mean like the most mildest anger you could have like if a dog bit your hand and you were mad at it for a minute and I processed that then but internally I was completely shaken because that’s how my ex would start up his tantrums and ended up getting really defensive and rude with my friend. After everyone else left I was alone with the guy that “snapped” and I broke down crying because I realized I was irrationally afraid of him now because my mind kept having flashbacks of what happened to me, and now I can’t hug him without feeling tense and afraid even though I know it’s irrational and that he won’t hit me like he’s even been trying to help me feel better and has been asking what I needed since he knows what’s wrong but I’m still afraid. I’m realizing I don’t have control over my fear when it comes to any kind of aggression coming from a man, and I don’t know where to start to cope. I’ve been having anxiety attacks since it happened last night and I’ve been crying uncontrollably and it’s just really frustrating that after so long I’m really not over it like I thought I was.",10.194456069432887,6.956751030911902,9.27079598145286,72.91776453453815,60.32921174652241,12.241326833907975,40.18600642016407,9.943994293440598,3.7790616335750813,2635,99,514,37,26,831,275,647,0.139,0.762,0.098,-0.9825,0,3,0,0,4,0,29.0,3,3,5,6,28,40,10,6,31,1,44,5,2,6,4,93,94,52,0,7,10,1,5,5,6,3,2,2,1,4,28,45,0,6,15,2,2,8,9,21,0,2,32,8,72,19,89,53,14,112,1,3,0,1,43,48,1,3,60,346,100,0,0.0,0.20135565099589114,0.055280221641730284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05021498428918952,0.0,0.0,0.1760105571341644,0.0,0.0,0.04713562726241872,0.0,0.0,0.07704508872905955,0.0,0.04333552199949285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295818059735753,0.12889042820343274,0.05322260799131937,0.08711754431654407,0.0,0.2417244255224473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503015086894778,0.06184488300462741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057843884299320025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759437536466696,0.059394291363377635,0.0,0.127070971819432,0.13568632105754536,0.0,0.12445021269203185,0.07306647484249497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047322088188365134,0.0,0.10034652851614452,0.11706493791140993,0.0,0.11224629797712088,0.0,0.09545667181310033,0.05412953795107522,0.0,0.0,0.05340263993187465,0.06374468590664174,0.08592870748533729,0.0,0.0,0.062055053567339126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625963654225454,0.0,0.17757727565035886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591960677533346,0.0,0.0,0.05609037059693688,0.15028076901402646,0.0,0.05074543090707132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03796992268092772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653641215141497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035129531721021,0.0,0.05899011630813961,0.12452891389160245,0.2308781747250372,0.0,0.059981993228738324,0.18464447025564046,0.0,0.04001211802597002,0.13837661985541164,0.056776121695018264,0.10004234453095218,0.10026329541583126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07562588480805059,0.0,0.0,0.06170621777567941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057198274783508016,0.0,0.1808633933397036,0.060207799365586914,0.12492827019581575,0.04200373258756911,0.0436903865386208,0.0,0.0,0.15948077362266438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03838611281881298,0.0,0.0,0.06646415663657408,0.0,0.0,0.054076872261369265,0.03927255163015105,0.0,0.11837008886372108,0.0,0.10710123435970324,0.0,0.0,0.11526264841500193,0.0,0.0,0.06621841493726825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10887037016772824,0.0,0.0,0.12163738360565556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371952908686074,0.0,0.0,0.05774544491992945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16038282491358294,0.0,0.0904782422810211,0.04736021759270173,0.0,0.0,0.0648483428161284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05887890377926834,0.08518440771595055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505375071007366,0.0,0.05565631722363133,0.1798885591475899,0.06606374322914815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293794997493285,0.11538070623363055,0.06161669605144944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0449645010901105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05460659639297948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048214801630127,0.06193563386603498,0.0,0.10943825570719072 ptsd,WatsAJoke,2018/12/03,"Is this PTSD? What do I do? (19 y/o male) About 2 months ago one night I was delivering a pizza to an apartment building for my job. I left my car door unlocked for convenience when i just walked like 30 steps to the door to deliver it. A few minutes later when i got back in my car, i was grabbed from behind and felt a weapon against my back, then a second hooded figure got into the passenger side door. I was robbed for everything and was tazed, then they drove off in my car. Since then I think about the scenario multiple times every day and I think about it going differently or different things I could’ve done. I think about killing them, being killed, avoiding it altogether, etc. I’ve even thought about setting up a bait car running in the same parking lot and luckily finding the same 2 guys and gunning them down. Every time I think about it, my heart rate goes up and pounds, and every time other people talk about the situation that happened to me, I want to avoid it and shut it out. I feel like a weak person or lesser of a person after that, like there was more I could’ve done. I even get mad at people sometimes and act aggressive verbally towards people I love when I’ve just been thinking about it. I also have trouble falling asleep most nights just thinking about it, but I don’t really have nightmares. I just want to know if this is PTSD, or if it’s just anxiety or something. I do have anxiety, which has been really terrible, and within the last year I’ve had panic attacks. If I do have PTSD, what do I do? I do have a therapist and psychiatrist already, and they know about what happened, but they don’t know the details of my PTSD-like symptoms that I’ve just discussed. What kind of treatment would there be for someone like me? I’ve done a little research into PTSD treatment, which involves counseling and therapy, and medication as well. I’m sure I could tell my therapist about my symptoms and could be helped for that, but what about medication-wise? I’ve been on SSRIs like prozac, Lexapro, and Zoloft before, but to no avail for my anxiety. Right now I’m on Effexor, which is noticeably giving me a boost for depression, but not my anxiety/ptsd-like symptoms. So what is left for me? I was on Klonopin and Ativan for like a month each for panic earlier this year, which helped tremendously for my sleep and my bad anxiety. However, i had a different psychiatrist at the time that I cant go back to. My current psychiatrist wouldn’t even prescribe me only a few Ativan pills when i went on a trip recently that left me terrified, and it didn’t go well at all (to be shortened). I know that benzodiazepines are addictive when taken long term, but I truly believe the benefits outweigh the risks for me right now. The only problem is my psychiatrist. I don’t want him to think I’m just after drugs (being a young man with depression), and he’s made it clear before that he doesn’t generally prescribe benzodiazepines. What are my options? I desperately need advice. Sorry for the long and badly structured rant by the way.",6.099393596986822,6.531157088135593,6.421666666666668,78.21282015065916,66.25423728813557,9.741996233521661,32.15160075329567,9.656535879935292,2.901595103578155,2422,93,460,47,36,781,259,590,0.131,0.7879999999999999,0.08,-0.9837,6,2,2,1,0,0,73.0,0,0,5,0,38,31,6,5,30,0,49,15,3,1,3,84,84,45,2,12,21,0,3,6,0,2,10,0,3,5,35,26,1,2,16,0,0,15,9,19,2,2,23,3,62,12,65,52,11,80,0,2,0,1,21,28,0,10,41,318,97,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583487134401113,0.0,0.059013177670657564,0.05353278849658028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664273465945604,0.048294490177830204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18479514562645666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870323798680808,0.0,0.13931036144652406,0.10084756847292063,0.0,0.0,0.1027762227086895,0.06803973614827087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19286851603818755,0.0,0.0,0.038947061313489836,0.0,0.10402899191165504,0.0,0.0,0.18928655523329055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18540222559246192,0.0,0.0,0.07003413958116081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673516905761091,0.11966263485273955,0.0,0.15264552688085647,0.0,0.05427534492218647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03053539621497258,0.04314318997116735,0.05798462561885091,0.0,0.055196084826652086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03155169342960487,0.05793234531772156,0.1029644270915272,0.0,0.09660005759952313,0.0,0.0,0.059796373301007975,0.1068067461882191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715633728207671,0.08095734246987324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05992853719019376,0.0,0.13362691533524113,0.06288771099729598,0.13275678770854812,0.04922655128139803,0.0,0.0,0.19684429883185864,0.0,0.0,0.20652721493055767,0.060527433342438514,0.0,0.1068878914021955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051342087121751125,0.05450504266650806,0.05714322241273165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06083736400655635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964066993097971,0.0,0.0,0.044779003010886866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334532436832895,0.0,0.0,0.06875531074377259,0.0,0.0,0.04092235988566813,0.0918598289541968,0.0,0.14171115216679595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12560210243402456,0.10546181085183992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057785826765365526,0.4235615864381012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737576850459624,0.0,0.05962861610994865,0.0,0.0,0.10314680347183347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049955882687452255,0.06788177434626526,0.06043440004427888,0.0,0.05116891746023757,0.04649177790574485,0.05972803207694635,0.06760254126554889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691760161879888,0.1883074513042099,0.0,0.0485398266588997,0.052784209268042816,0.0,0.06906212751827169,0.14023671558592235,0.040120955141676164,0.2708718427943783,0.0,0.047943538796823205,0.14085741312637404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068601517187014,0.0479353953960978,0.0,0.0,0.10859713948357842,0.05598286415242343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04289988206204279,0.0,0.0,0.0777793730847117 ptsd,_inanity_,2018/12/03,"new GF has nightmares when staying over -- how can I help? So I've been seeing someone for the past month or two who I am really into (read: head over heels in love with).  I could go on and on but suffice to say I am serious about this person and thinking about this long term. She has only slept over a few times thus far (she has kids, and the father is still in the picture so we are taking things slowly), but each time she's been having nightmares.  Meaning she tosses and turns a lot, seems very agitated in her sleep, and sometimes wakes up very suddenly still sort of in a panic.  She says this is due to her ptsd, and is not unusual for her when sleeping in a new place.  But it's really hard for me -- to lie next to her and see her like that, and not know how to help her. I've asked if I should wake her up/hold her/comfort her, and she says yes, but I feel awkward constantly waking her up from sleeping.  I also worry that if she starts spending more nights with me and it doesn't get better, the sleep I'm losing is going to start taking a toll on me.  (I basically can't fall asleep when she's next to me doing this.) Does anyone have any experience they could share, here?  Or just random advice to offer?  I have a couch in my room that I could relocate to in hopes of falling asleep myself, but 1) I'd feel like I was abandoning her and I don't want to do that, and 2) I might still not be able to fall asleep, because I'll just lie on the couch worrying about her. Thanks in advance for any input. &#x200B; **As an aside: I'd never visited this sub before, but I plan to read a lot of these posts now. And just glancing at a few, seeing how people struggle with feelings of self-worth, can I just reiterate how head over heels in love with this person I am? I'm talking 10 years of my life thinking I would never again find someone who I could feel unrestrained, unconditional love for, and then basically as soon as I got to know her going, 'yep, ok, i've found that'. You all have an incredible strength to have survived the things you've survived, and there are people out there who will recognize it. Try not to forget that.**",3.826275862068965,4.637296719540231,4.713275862068965,87.09681034482759,71.45977011494253,7.5471264367816095,24.61494252873563,7.675431598112923,1.0228252873563224,1663,44,357,19,30,540,213,435,0.08199999999999999,0.79,0.128,0.9781,0,0,0,0,0,0,66.0,1,1,1,7,26,17,0,3,16,3,36,19,15,5,3,76,70,39,0,10,18,1,5,2,1,4,1,3,3,3,21,23,0,1,12,2,1,8,9,6,0,1,6,12,49,11,58,55,8,64,0,2,4,3,44,25,0,11,31,243,70,2,0.08116247052979872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931102686258527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06490559835948709,0.0,0.0879395029097149,0.09862128536879997,0.1103865262799378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056750686515870626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587595381719613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947588871214961,0.0,0.06906328452244058,0.0,0.0,0.07178160958539903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08770779714681598,0.0,0.2592065138708401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102582490486402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939247003520232,0.0,0.0,0.16415273503697705,0.057982485163516624,0.0,0.0,0.07418102768210685,0.0,0.0,0.0889904597112076,0.0,0.0,0.04240404099438429,0.0,0.13837950717585587,0.0,0.06491304201546562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07270563166081997,0.0,0.16659222027377646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1088029863293428,0.0,0.0,0.08061264644302557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089209542442403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573274531946097,0.07930376685223821,0.0,0.0,0.0718262323848707,0.0,0.09080004396690797,0.0,0.1380028600940453,0.2197568953426742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840972400050535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610055523325276,0.0,0.0,0.06478310964174945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519500156035385,0.15677443958609066,0.17263441635318766,0.07616548049567869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06172771615890525,0.0,0.09522667173553194,0.0,0.0,0.07747876184565908,0.11253567551455787,0.14173587736838714,0.0847975071523629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07773121138848836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487458475638792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236886849397453,0.0,0.10398951381044708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936309625649892,0.0,0.0,0.1940279426152993,0.07388726492111755,0.08467015763968062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32488434038143665,0.0,0.13753739579545304,0.0,0.08027175867296868,0.0,0.11489442876386954,0.0865083945744392,0.19444936142080346,0.0,0.0,0.08484863645938771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12204815408864665,0.06523531943211032,0.0,0.07472349834202477,0.0,0.0,0.10784147800860497,0.10401126783714333,0.0,0.0,0.09465297851444816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05510398984524565,0.08828146154630677,0.07928394033939214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393507641724542,0.04787172796557654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16484885708616825,0.0,0.05765549039932767,0.0,0.09862128536879997,0.05226597000506747 ptsd,urfavoritehalflight,2018/12/03,"Just got diagnosed and haven’t been okay since I’m 21 and experienced sexual trauma when I was a kid. My trauma symptoms didn’t really get bad until I started college. I have had a really hard time managing it on my own, especially alongside my other mental health struggles like bipolar and an eating disorder. I was on the waitlist for counseling at the overcrowded local community health center for close to a year and I finally had my intake appointment last week. I disclosed what happened to me to a professional for the first time ever, and he was also only the third person I ever told. I had to answer a lot of questions about it for the first time. The experience of answering specific questions about it without giving me any way to cope with it has thrown me into a horrible week-long spiral. Finals are next week and I have no space in my brain to think about anything other than my trauma or the feelings that come with it. Last night I had one of the worst flashbacks I’ve ever experienced and I shook and cried in my boyfriend’s arms until I passed out. I feel like such a burden on him. I don’t even have the energy or motivation to walk into class. I’ve been sitting in my car in the parking lot at school for 2 and a half hours because I can’t collect myself enough to go inside. That feeling that something horrible is about to happen has consumed me and filled me with dread for a whole week and it won’t let go. I feel like a failure for letting this stuff get in the way of my schoolwork but I’m practically incapable of doing anything right now. It’s like I’m just frozen in time. I don’t have another appointment until Thursday and I don’t know how to make it through the next few days without completely falling apart.",5.5624807845216,6.266576577259477,6.453136761197988,76.56591240392264,67.48396501457728,9.385051683010866,31.33434932414525,9.457814108942452,2.8467854227405254,1398,54,257,27,22,464,179,343,0.11,0.8390000000000001,0.051,-0.9356,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,15,14,0,3,23,1,27,8,2,3,3,45,48,21,0,0,7,0,5,4,0,1,5,0,0,2,16,20,1,0,11,0,0,9,10,9,0,5,12,7,34,5,50,33,7,61,0,0,0,0,8,20,0,6,33,189,50,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521969067054607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396397668953438,0.09863003604822658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548066131146539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853611123626753,0.05733805925285464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1050019874575288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08102429958654453,0.09862004524697428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332041451252526,0.06066087236328953,0.0,0.0,0.09546884726834944,0.0,0.0,0.10780082679029164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624678872744527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718904972722736,0.0,0.06212569553519184,0.2552477705123077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920086585527275,0.0,0.0,0.1902381037120616,0.13439286312878584,0.0,0.20607610765730566,0.0,0.16001465390576658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828486070223624,0.09023085404924047,0.10691284971813787,0.0,0.07522831719143662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16635376789821452,0.0,0.08425922049502474,0.0,0.0,0.19996261066332294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263008243588204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051692876708513344,0.15334279113538804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1923652988631509,0.0,0.18381171924786804,0.0,0.0,0.08324007664326577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15993277483447524,0.0,0.0,0.06278573252084575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479028458501867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20006760164593684,0.08826887090581834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373744169933833,0.07153681396719525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212950132220909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21073729262116075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051439720929676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032666482488901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519366904932426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780734466991474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241192814991583,0.0,0.0,0.06657610136741103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983318596485888,0.10767611425129717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776428039655083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060269804074748724,0.0,0.0,0.21938840238307286,0.0,0.0,0.08987829233070713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493207858945367,0.3017968034670981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501455086202288,0.0,0.18134082867026047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060571509942833265 ptsd,mostlynotamurderer,2018/12/03,"[CW childhood abuse] My rabbit is sick and I'm losing it. I'm mostly posting this just to get it off my chest, but any advice you can give me would be super appreciated. I'm freaking out right now. My rabbit is sick, and we don't know what's wrong. She finally stabilised today, and the vet was frankly shocked that she survived. He's running some tests now to determine what caused this episode (GI stasis and hypothermia, in case you were wondering). Thing is, this is a huge trigger for me and I have no idea why. The things that happened to me when I was a child were physical in nature for the most part, the only ""traumatic"" event I can think of that involved a pet was when my mother accidentally reversed over our (very old and deaf) cat while I was in the car. It was upsetting certainly, but compared to the other things that happened it seems ""minor"". We lost another rabbit about 6 months ago to a tumor on her heart, and that broke me. I had to take time off work (I still haven't gone back) and that episode finally pushed me to seek therapy. At the time, I saw it more as the straw that broke the camel's back, but now I'm wondering if maybe there's something more. I fucking hate this all consuming anxiety. I can barely function. I can't eat, I barely sleep, I've had constant nightmares, and I've just burned through my anti-anxiety meds. I'm even doing the hyper-vigilance thing with my other pets now, analysing their every move for any signs of illness. I know intellectually that they're okay, but I can't stop freaking the fuck out about it. Worse still, my partner is dealing with their own anxiety so I can't lay this all on them either without making them feel awful. Rereading this it looks like I've got some serious trigger bullshit going on here, but I have no idea what it could be. I'm just ranting at this point, but it feels a little better to have it written down. If you're reading, then thank you for your time.",4.2303459821428575,5.515257830729169,4.78513392857143,85.18218750000005,70.953125,7.673214285714287,28.037202380952376,8.07648339933343,1.7196171130952376,1533,55,307,21,28,489,206,384,0.184,0.7190000000000001,0.09699999999999999,-0.9892,0,0,1,0,1,0,54.0,3,4,4,6,20,19,3,1,16,2,30,10,3,4,3,53,61,23,0,4,13,1,2,1,1,1,4,1,2,2,34,15,1,1,10,1,0,6,8,13,0,0,14,5,41,6,35,43,11,50,0,4,2,2,21,18,2,9,26,205,75,3,0.0,0.12538402733458384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340989880417298,0.09380650999732684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14392777352045066,0.11096559520966813,0.24286500146690065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627441073128404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935926475405214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871030475367532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143580506529521,0.0,0.08449178011276949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090998031389217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828427754946736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989569363541906,0.0,0.08916120721235486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10701549576462442,0.0,0.0,0.23184983865871495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956649967055549,0.055288624565594816,0.1015159359868316,0.06014216601692239,0.0,0.08463704697104357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715946591736307,0.0,0.0,0.1044792010320066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540184131044385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389246239431212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163161053546692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051700216409935176,0.10606335743770748,0.0,0.0,0.08886543086044138,0.1183898851076651,0.11551929714587154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07063828078136382,0.0,0.10631433997116374,0.0,0.11754650625321154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446763429100533,0.11247406751296893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110443906642644,0.0,0.0,0.08048385116063082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11459698063800465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003779901463054,0.0,0.10135005208716248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058525461346086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903730398024283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633811199605524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590033344327364,0.0,0.0,0.08146841499182042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902222034354744,0.08847352613912478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956640938094431,0.0,0.0,0.09742843722387648,0.12101886222297692,0.0,0.28121881077354066,0.06780768770128442,0.0,0.0,0.18512031649744276,0.0,0.10030869176569088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731580743894213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548961772946288,0.0,0.0,0.10201047163447592,0.22952302963986004,0.07704106587717728,0.0,0.10784360373642136,0.07517426849143555,0.115701831628289,0.0,0.0 ptsd,vaperaham,2018/12/03,"I actually hurt someone this time. I had repressed years of childhood rape until the age of 18. I had dreams, flashbacks, killed libido, many failed ways of coping. I’ve had all kinds of therapists and meds for 3 years now and nothing helps. Meds made me feel like a zombie. Things were getting better. Recently, I had woken up from a dream about the rape. Apparently my family says I got up from my nap, shoved my brother into a wall. Ran across the house(no clue what i was doing/who i was/where i was/) screaming at the top of my lungs. Mother had no clue what was going on and when she came close I shoved her too. I’m seeing a specialist within the month because this horrifies me. I don’t remember doing any of it, only coming to and being very confused. Just turned 21 this summer so pretty young and have a lot of time to figure things out. I’m about to break things off with my current partner until i feel like others are safe around me(and other non related issues). Terrified of ever getting married. Terrified of ever having kids. Terrified of ever hurting anyone I love again. I live in a constant state of panic and my friends always ask me why I flinch to the slightest movement they make. To be fair I’m very lucky to have such a great support group in my life. Rant over. 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I did not get help because i thought that it was my own fault, so I just ignored all my feelings. I had a burn-out 1.5 year back, I had therapy for a few months. I did not talk about the rape, because I thought it was not a problem. But now I was still not getting better and i'm in therap again. I started talking and told my therapist last week. Now it all comes back, and I'm shaking most of the day, have nightmares, can not think about anything else. I had the feeling that he is standing in my room when I'm sleeping. Last weekend, I was out with my best friend. And told her about it. I told that I have an image in my head, but that his face is blurred in that image. Then I try to fill in his face, with another memory of his face that popped into my head. I got really scared to that second memory with his face. I remines me of a face/smile you see in horror movies. The moment I explained this to my friend, I had a feeling that he was standig right behind me and I panicked. It was not just a feeling, but in my head he really really was standing behind me. When I turned my head around he was obviously not there. That moment really scared me, and I have the feeling that i'm getting crazy.",2.5190741724198986,3.7913068624535313,3.706086032926184,91.30693928128872,75.17100371747212,6.610798371393168,25.44892901398477,7.07126945348624,0.9145962471233852,1002,34,223,10,21,326,113,269,0.13,0.8009999999999999,0.069,-0.9602,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,0,2,17,12,2,3,13,0,22,12,9,0,3,43,47,14,0,1,12,0,6,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,17,14,0,1,10,1,0,3,7,8,0,1,21,7,43,4,27,26,7,39,0,0,1,2,20,12,0,2,22,161,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320021885901765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883775768282902,0.09610282810173533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490321689036081,0.0,0.13161671872857786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329210078568852,0.09547741500564524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299366413706556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06962203708762386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018254092636237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32751171709498345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681151359711974,0.0,0.1692060784087271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634146667352198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44317185540031656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235995361222197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759954493830956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616864236323386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329834494608728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27663492149763386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219297085064672,0.0,0.0,0.21616355401427448,0.0,0.08602614934740721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803295291996096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764110969389287,0.0,0.08621299376069871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17354026198131833,0.0,0.0,0.12345593842691074,0.12534406299594034,0.0,0.06917319799534173,0.0,0.1714084053406218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309466855234727,0.0,0.07329435125945613,0.11742402810477165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865949805258175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085584206457311 ptsd,wgesthsru46,2018/12/03,"Isn 't it cool when the ruling class tried to murder you, but they failed, so you're just like, ""yeah, alright"" I'm alive, but I'm supposed to be dead, because I terrify these people. Yup. This is fun. I'm just a dude that can't go down, and they're all like, ""fuck"". These fucks can't even poison me properly. HAHAHAHAHA! ",-0.2792424242424225,1.9912865303030325,1.7518181818181835,95.56439393939397,92.78787878787878,4.751515151515153,16.424242424242426,6.42735559955562,-0.3647757575757571,245,6,56,3,9,81,51,66,0.242,0.499,0.259,-0.2677,0,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,1,1,1,5,10,4,0,2,4,4,3,0,0,1,6,10,5,2,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,4,5,3,9,1,3,0,1,0,2,2,1,2,0,3,27,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401038357240434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601521221575178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7282660987729198,0.0,0.0,0.22384944345875374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848569293897651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730648003519984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674167088239328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Hi_Im_April,2018/12/03,"AM vs. PM What is it about the evening leading into night time that makes all those shitty memories come rushing in. Compile that with all the triggers and recent mistakes and failures, I find myself sobbing and falling to sleep due to pure mental exhaustion. Why is it ..... I then wake up in the morning feeling like all that ache I was only just experiencing hours ago...feels like a blurry dream, and that I was just being a “victim”. That I should suck it up and the answer to all my problems is just another “Personal Growth” audio-book away. This is a cycle I feel stuck in. My PTSD results in the world outside my home being dangerous. People are dangerous, and if I’m not perfect...harm and punishment will surely come for me. I tolerate it enough to get through my Barista job and grocery shop. Otherwise I am absolutely afraid of my impending doom, punishment for noncompliance/imperfect decisions ...and ultimately homelessness. The gym in particular is a place I avoid like the plague...even though I forked out $360 for a year. Now what......?",5.2818749999999985,7.2445471875,5.749916666666668,76.63675000000002,69.3125,9.078333333333333,32.07083333333333,9.558583805096642,3.243962083333333,828,37,143,19,15,266,125,192,0.195,0.701,0.10400000000000001,-0.9505,1,1,0,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,1,7,17,6,2,12,0,14,3,2,4,6,39,23,12,0,4,6,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,13,14,0,1,5,3,1,6,1,13,0,0,3,3,17,4,21,16,5,26,1,2,0,0,1,12,2,1,11,100,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15659382147056827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852379606291001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597299973237176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043449362519545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825316312177856,0.0,0.2333576586746112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679659243078252,0.2524044488527761,0.0,0.0,0.16145928684008762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229484184866008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17719916796474852,0.0,0.17396939361289765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530263072981894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2589138363228045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791845075549635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780264887604348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577856288759912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435393577983834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224701954151464,0.1542481574778309,0.18456666695573726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16903478586031226,0.20650000778717675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442530321869626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678237799660398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16649505838830872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356244408709154,0.0,0.10300883450768934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594034801150414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375989935306767 ptsd,angryiguana2018,2018/12/03,"Hyper-vigilance and the power of suggestion. I’m questioning all of my memories. I feel delusional like my mentor/boss is sending me coded messages through the books she leaves on her desk. But it’s uncanny because of conformation bias it feels like my mentor is actively reading my mind. I’ve never felt this intensely paranoid and I’m looking for tips about how to bring it up to my doctor. Is it ever worth talking about is there stuff they can do to help? I know I am not totally stable but this is something that is new and really worries me, but I also think it sounds worse then it is. I could use any insight you all have. ",3.2742668621700908,5.3784308548387125,4.698299120234606,81.4560850439883,75.12903225806451,8.057478005865104,28.20821114369501,8.841846274778883,2.4703645161290315,502,21,93,11,11,167,86,124,0.11199999999999999,0.82,0.068,-0.7535,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,1,6,2,0,0,2,0,12,1,0,2,5,23,22,9,0,1,4,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,10,3,0,0,7,2,1,2,2,0,0,0,1,5,16,2,12,20,3,8,0,0,1,0,10,2,0,1,6,68,26,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17470534135489654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485628069238725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331734433510471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442548729156998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236068532735284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761292324701726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209236208727064,0.15607051038944386,0.20975941095507314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643161258462964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12006193578397288,0.0,0.0,0.2313215138290581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134606568436987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834544858744808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22058605923406094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16849267271512192,0.21099360206119366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24472934091713236,0.0,0.2185228186214066,0.0,0.13995343981701686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818402884699665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500886686497344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17559284619269958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998271729658618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868249335400264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22186049106035205,0.22263317340335406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cooldude423,2018/12/03,"The only valid PTSD is people who survive death Sexual abuse? Nope. Sexual assault? Nope. People being mean to you? Nope. Unless you have to see beyond the veil of your own death, you don't have real PTSD. Sorry, folks. That's the basic definition of the condition. Deal with it if you've got easy shit to deal with like sex stuff. ",0.8307812500000011,3.3712055156250003,2.3934999999999995,89.3015,95.40625,5.0600000000000005,12.65,6.742157984588678,-0.2885137499999999,259,4,49,4,10,84,46,64,0.221,0.672,0.107,-0.8741,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,4,0,1,1,3,2,0,4,0,5,2,1,0,0,6,8,2,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,9,6,1,1,1,0,1,1,7,1,1,1,1,31,8,0,0.0,0.25711966473024633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474526046345635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17356157401837105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601942362507888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23638594617706585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16504479291767465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30089283091791985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5073428005649422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470032568715784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17292773058781324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227561740893476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429233224338879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484228887651421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mysterioussister,2018/12/03,"I think I’m too broken to ever be ok I do t think I can ever really be helped. My feelings of worthlessness are intrinsic to my personality at this point. They describe it as shame bound. I’m 31 and have nothing to hold on to, because I can’t get over the ptsd and shame bound. I used to have hope I could be helped, but I think the truth is I’m just broken. And life like this isn’t worth it. ",0.6490697674418621,2.2998508255813945,2.872267441860465,93.61677325581397,81.44186046511628,6.16046511627907,18.88953488372093,7.1686216300943375,0.06437674418604677,305,7,74,4,8,104,53,86,0.11900000000000001,0.741,0.14,0.2023,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,2,2,1,12,1,0,1,3,18,22,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,3,4,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,10,4,10,18,0,6,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,46,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14730069051402406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19292881579675214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4371520224501517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217977205720508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624623188474318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32393061415316177,0.0,0.0,0.2400017219358128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067653883097905,0.11805244859431173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318588210393208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109895663364565,0.0,0.0,0.2284266478117353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28246267445854745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479991960947814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4644969086696164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20869822736121216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GeckTA,2018/12/03,"She hit me My dad used to be very physically abusive and a alcholic. He’s Out of my life now but... today I was having a anxiety attack (school and family stuff) and I couldn’t talk really. My mom started yelling at me how I won’t be able to function and I won’t matter she told me to get up and I couldn’t I was freaking out, she came over and punched me in the leg and finally I got up so she’d stop and she pushed me into a dresser... she’s already emotionally abusibe I don’t know what to do... I’ve been having these painful memories of my dad hurting me all day and it won’t stop. ",-0.15279017857142918,1.8181837656250008,2.5413392857142867,93.126875,86.34375,5.8446428571428575,22.424107142857146,7.1686216300943375,0.7009513392857141,454,17,107,7,14,158,76,128,0.18600000000000005,0.805,0.009000000000000001,-0.9663,0,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,4,0,15,3,1,2,1,23,23,12,0,2,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,0,4,13,0,2,1,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,6,1,24,0,14,8,1,17,0,1,0,0,12,8,0,0,7,74,28,1,0.19661219585501089,0.2329533018240009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21696644719796915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040779167783808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22367475664324687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248719739715155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12679860100534374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22116225705880288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534848021477626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21537905023095505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272175746511827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157248733891158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21047742209294548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805292098878362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887300844581033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302698275225327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20920923858024051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595480720772534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19898203882944376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391631241835951,0.0,0.0,0.3287531988922865,0.0,0.0,0.22507392519825686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802943549064585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863653724099069,0.18787137877001306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980981035513426,0.0,0.1622256524752722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Cubasian1987,2018/12/03,"Starting my Substance Abuse Intervention this week (TW) Hey everyone, I'm a long time lurker and first time poster. I've been 33 days sober from alcohol abuse and it's time for me to start working on my trauma that happened to me years ago. I'm not going to lie but I'm scared, I was sexually assualted and drinking made me not feel the anxiety and dissociation I have been feeling ever since I stop drinking. Sorry for spelling and grammar errors I'm just starting to feel an anxiety attack, I just want to know if this a normal feeling",2.6761558441558435,5.234964580952387,4.427965367965367,80.31779220779221,79.38095238095238,6.865800865800866,27.640692640692638,8.00094639256281,2.1130952380952386,431,19,78,8,11,145,69,105,0.20199999999999999,0.721,0.077,-0.9427,0,0,3,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,3,3,1,1,4,0,4,3,0,1,1,21,20,7,0,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,5,3,1,5,2,0,1,2,3,0,1,4,4,9,0,9,16,0,16,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,14,43,13,1,0.0,0.37863903219428335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164007535078704,0.17076194950809942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444707167894217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817789074431679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103048334563906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3130576318380798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453500050202173,0.0,0.1526817531185436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231691038124151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13591334041536096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080969888592147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129766076951264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781385176473848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14140501006463393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15119276532443532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655572119566946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599730140512193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13217609593637775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788666218904085,0.3392906877393343,0.0,0.0,0.13358771058908986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795163744862326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424554163597808,0.0,0.1281701728081958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632564068591075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289652915389692 ptsd,hoppybooboo,2018/12/03,"My god, the freakouts My wife just had a PTSD freakout. She said she was going to leave and never come back, so I restrained her, and she bit my arms. I know she doesn't mean it when she flips out, but I have to restrain her because she might hurt herself, jump in front of traffic, or I don't know. I feel horrible because some of the trauma has been due to severe poverty since we've been together. We've been homeless five times due to chronic illness, and once since we've had kids. We are so ashamed of letting that happen to us again. I just got really sick and couldn't work for six weeks, then i got a job delivering pizza, but my car broke. We were homeless for a month in a tent city in Hawaii. Now we are staying with my sister in Phoenix, Arizona but she wants us out by the 15th, and we're pretty broke, though I do have a pissant fast food job atm. She told me earlier if we don't find a place by the 15th, she's going to kill herself. ",4.375454545454545,4.321835787878786,4.909646464646464,89.25113636363638,69.9090909090909,7.610101010101014,28.62121212121212,6.816661863887847,1.2030424242424251,738,24,166,5,12,236,118,198,0.237,0.7190000000000001,0.044000000000000004,-0.9925,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,6,0,0,1,9,6,1,1,10,0,19,6,1,0,1,32,32,15,1,3,7,2,1,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,13,2,2,5,0,1,6,5,6,0,2,11,2,33,0,20,18,2,26,0,3,0,0,24,7,0,4,12,108,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456992359659834,0.0,0.1816550545476496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266674126936198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283482014639872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07533764125687485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136181066987936,0.0,0.18016843630618687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935748960169147,0.0,0.2383339136519161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175804681710046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595049654819467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957141675253782,0.0,0.16484372003748413,0.0,0.16377032045678128,0.0,0.0,0.15776689839690938,0.0,0.1523600960400524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230201876000494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806286116937038,0.0,0.0,0.1189284277863663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491610069833072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867753452827538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15567073364651365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158408017637992,0.0,0.0,0.17417016973032212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954516497597623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173079598024305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16832482796294326,0.0,0.2465046362642184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588115700829276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638934239950896,0.0,0.08688167318820325,0.0,0.0,0.14237355003580235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584514288874089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788261900125878,0.0,0.11951685213646415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847199541770797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,suidazai,2019/04/01,"Anyone else avoid movie theaters? I just found out the hard way that theaters are now a trigger for panic. It could have also been the movie, Us. But im shocked because i *love* the movie theater, but the other day i went in and it just felt like the ceiling was gonna come down with the speakers and everything. Half of the movie i just kept looking down, but damn was i sweaty. My sister kept asking if i was good cus my leg was shaking like mf. I just felt suffocated, and wanna know if others have a similar problem. ",1.290448717948717,3.7393127884615427,2.4265384615384638,93.10179487179492,84.57692307692307,4.620512820512821,22.128205128205128,5.985473137389443,0.2684897435897433,406,14,83,3,12,129,68,104,0.14400000000000002,0.7609999999999999,0.095,-0.34,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,0,6,10,1,3,9,0,9,2,1,1,0,26,21,9,0,5,9,1,3,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,6,0,1,11,5,10,4,8,8,0,10,0,0,1,1,4,4,1,2,4,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16937474088095664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480940483778316,0.21701202478138495,0.0,0.0,0.19800248887166386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12911006203289258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824451765913165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910342571055134,0.0,0.0,0.1365921535511994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693000654875585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903503370378244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067184849910928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23222551575568146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776460684038406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897293582432197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22877812637008185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163986121166553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20694755615820185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17785693194874047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19115591539225268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484992551925855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20266203036694672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547668510225396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811535113724735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633881783771906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sushisavage,2019/04/01,"I have a scenario going on Part of my PTSD is from physical abuse. I am pretty good nowadays at setting boundaries and sticking to them. So one of my friends has started playfully hitting me lately. I really do not think she means it to be mean spirited. It seems to be something that a lot of women do... she's never mad when she does it. It's more so when she's laughing or shocked or perhaps if I make a joke and she's all like ""omg you didn't!"" The part that freaks me out the most is that this has happened like 15 times and I don't say a single word when it happens. No ""please don't hit me"" no ""why'd you do that"" no ""you don't have to touch me to get your point across."" I just don't say anything about it. Does this say something about myself that I would still allow myself to be abused if it were to happen? I'd always like to think I'd never let anyone abuse me again, but if I let my friend playfully hit me, why the hell wouldn't I let it escalate? I don't even know if I should say something to her, because I'm sure she'd feel horrible if I made it seem like what she's doing is similar to the abuse I had experienced or something like that. ",2.9758515180265666,3.5329137056451607,4.2784440227703975,90.37148956356735,73.23387096774194,7.286907020872866,25.4753320683112,7.285733465282438,0.9358464895635676,901,27,208,9,17,298,124,248,0.111,0.7170000000000001,0.171,0.7569,0,0,4,0,6,0,26.0,0,4,1,0,11,17,2,0,8,0,30,0,0,3,4,36,50,17,0,8,11,0,2,5,2,3,0,4,0,1,18,4,0,0,8,3,0,1,13,4,0,1,4,7,37,13,20,33,7,17,2,0,0,0,20,5,1,12,15,147,55,0,0.0,0.4655871543335698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174246335884508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869077918732412,0.0,0.08084207489359788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059885396199964414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17193868672489707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488573104500564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967243555840941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517979429813917,0.0,0.051325663096267925,0.0,0.05583131385737635,0.08239795583879196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606164586773711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053989417199381634,0.0,0.11081752609728736,0.0,0.0,0.3013671622563025,0.0,0.23997231892722226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351902480764042,0.0,0.09295582781743897,0.06557509125195311,0.0,0.0,0.21402147541008704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515354744675027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656908166536832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212765865177116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783658576705507,0.09286731962422896,0.0,0.0,0.09994406950662124,0.0,0.0,0.11483577648294338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06293422308603262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124934107398822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788656353269823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30251578538701035,0.0,0.0,0.06953385342629831,0.0,0.07845354813306836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258880672924467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589477714946776,0.0,0.0,0.05728377263542207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864514151476426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978594979374489,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thetrumanshow94,2019/04/01,"Veteran with ptsd. Hi! I'm in desperate need of help/answers. My fiance of 6 years has PTSD from the Military. For the past two years it has spiralled down hill. His stance is, he only smokes weed. It's his medicine. Our state is illegal. The past year our fights have grown in frequency and intensity. But the past few months have been Detremental to us and our two kids. Our fights are fierce. He packs his stuff and leaves. When he does return he has smoked and returned to ""normal"" He then gets upset that I am still angry about earlier. Last year I had a depression breakdown and finally sought a psychiatrist. Instead of MDD I was diagnosed BP II And ADD. The switch to mood stabilizers and ADD meds has changed me 360° He's never seen me so easy going and happy. I've been trying endlessly to convince him to get the right help and properly medicated. His defense is ""he's tried all of them, they don't work"" So on top of not wanting to get the needed help, and staying miserable he of course blames me for his misery. That I bitch and he can't stand me. A year ago I would of agreed, BUT like I said I'm a whole different person. In reality, he does nothing but complain. He snaps at everything and everyone. Blames us for his woes. Is constantly paranoid I'm cheating because I work at a bar..And God forbid he hasn't smoked, we all tip toe around him. He doesn't see it but then makes it me that does everything wrong... In my stablish mind I know he's blaming me but he only does so because he's so sick he's making me the target. I'm at my wit's end. My fiance is a shell of a man he once was. I hardly see him laugh. He stays in his phone away from the world. He sees no happiness, and feels no joy. Its breaking me because I know he loves me. Advice, tips anything help me...",0.6030901904419679,3.029767388429754,2.3432560785722854,92.31788807042759,88.61432506887053,5.9113426757695535,20.563480656366032,7.34059242885,0.7271809078931599,1394,46,299,25,46,457,192,363,0.142,0.7440000000000001,0.114,-0.8633,1,0,3,0,2,0,52.0,7,0,2,3,9,20,5,2,16,0,23,5,1,2,3,40,45,25,0,5,6,0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,3,9,18,0,2,3,0,0,2,8,12,0,2,7,7,43,7,33,37,4,43,0,3,4,1,53,15,1,0,22,161,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08924666732498003,0.08095857831272728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515684888688305,0.08130310712063675,0.0,0.0,0.08580758787572565,0.0,0.0,0.1670218513808189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661508240379607,0.0,0.0,0.09869533787944658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866243777878115,0.09269807772666867,0.0,0.09542046308297993,0.0,0.0,0.3196941670040083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089131563298682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726977612910045,0.164163118930889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617921717150851,0.0,0.0,0.1000476050136587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431485440133389,0.0,0.05190497181396907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19444507186619506,0.08181378527260975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448664280119165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038521339996308,0.07444617997500975,0.0,0.09670533536754924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04461924891063488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242893540725825,0.0,0.12192703441749247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014470960721095,0.09200541642958353,0.0,0.0,0.09221731469127313,0.0,0.07289877414514233,0.0,0.0,0.13544014888200034,0.07043936446798292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08948405727217565,0.08763364564873825,0.0,0.0,0.09726352199209708,0.0,0.13892123621875488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26155459928055314,0.0,0.07974587643044348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21351988086144344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799536322599153,0.08687579141409807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183346746517396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19469136176435625,0.07293629548026076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455105611693606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1240142170525268,0.0,0.17843237510826615,0.0,0.2197176086730572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386882945568367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196673864591954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329787274953769,0.0,0.0,0.06487824675429564,0.09985507186091616,0.0,0.294067787417599 ptsd,_Forgotten_Password_,2019/04/01,"Grabbing me for April Fools All I was doing was walking to my next class when my “friend” came behind me and grabbed me. Not the usual thing I can shake off where people just grab your shoulders - they wrapped their arms completely around me and jerked me back. I made a noise that sounds vaguely like a reaction to being punched in the stomach and started violently thrashing to get free (well at least I’m making progress on the whole freeze/flop thing I guess). She didn’t even notice I was deathly pale and enjoying a fun flashback and just yelled “April Fools!” I then had to stave off a panic attack for the whole lesson. This girl knows I don’t like being grabbed. She even knows that I was “attacked” - she doesn’t know about the PTSD, thank god, I don’t think I could cope with that. But for some reason this magical day of the year makes it okay to invade a person’s personal space who has clearly expressed many times that they don’t like being touched. I have my hands full enough watching out for my attackers, I don’t want to have to watch out for you too. Sorry for the bad formatting, I’m on mobile and just need to get this off my chest to people that might understand.",5.346350574712645,6.0590711637931065,4.7851034482758665,88.3035747126437,67.96551724137932,7.738390804597701,27.535632183908053,7.554174236665415,1.3208111494252872,938,28,192,9,15,282,142,232,0.128,0.733,0.139,0.1759,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,3,2,12,20,5,2,12,1,21,5,5,4,2,34,39,9,1,3,5,0,6,3,1,1,0,2,0,3,12,11,0,0,7,0,1,3,7,10,1,0,8,10,30,11,29,26,7,27,0,0,2,0,14,13,0,3,14,130,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165665081156274,0.0,0.4468976914543674,0.0,0.100686632263047,0.10933144458195752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976323591273255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137290627736232,0.0,0.0,0.10454686112980308,0.0,0.0,0.08444702316782783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13529851474640536,0.0,0.17297245640511802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116578272241104,0.0,0.1368240116802433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442478294358546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21588757564541414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919155450924168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390087632364925,0.1748101536372096,0.13275505358038406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890920651253685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09709213935950636,0.0,0.0,0.13925874070969252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14907880398358875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363270740562945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155796263718227,0.22866772701132426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306467247526465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13463060800106225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657930986126835,0.09268171319606347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055418033498072,0.0,0.0,0.17398464038625658,0.08390261040988349,0.0,0.0,0.07635357346924668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13631566886178914,0.0,0.0,0.14421456745315858,0.0,0.07723322721981749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773295397197504,0.0,0.0,0.29238505363042144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843226202356476 ptsd,voodoopunx,2019/04/01,"Medical Side Effects Broke My Brain Hey all. I have PTSD (verbally diagnosed in my latest session as C-PTSD, but that's not on paper yet) and I'm on Sertraline for it. The sertraline seemed to be working for a little bit (2 weeks or so) and then the side effects started. I have nightmares and increased anxiety, my insomnia is kicking my ass (recently been unable to sleep til 4-5am), I've been to A&E and the local crisis support for the suicidal thoughts and the self harm urges. I'm getting increased flashbacks and my (slowly built up) trust has vanished. I'm constantly on edge. They're discussing taking me off of it, which is good I think, but it's left me currently in the worst mental health space I've been in for years. Probably only because I can now recognise there are issues. I'm also on a waiting list for DBT and coping skills etc, with the eventual goal of getting into trauma councilling. I just want to know, outside of therapy and relying on other people for support, how do you deal with being in a really shitty place? I've exhausted my friends and my partner and myself with the mess that I've become and I want to start building myself up again. ",4.312999016715832,6.142602168141598,5.283657817109145,79.54420845624388,71.56637168141594,8.031071779744346,31.13962635201573,8.680891452615391,2.7317225172074737,934,42,163,17,18,306,142,226,0.18,0.7120000000000001,0.107,-0.9744,1,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,1,0,5,8,11,0,0,11,0,13,8,3,3,1,31,31,20,1,2,5,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,7,15,0,1,6,0,0,2,1,6,0,0,4,0,18,5,32,25,6,35,0,1,0,1,7,20,1,2,13,108,25,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161677763945606,0.0,0.15739376522936502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11112676144259777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855174472010797,0.16043296255090694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585909490182449,0.0,0.0,0.16216295615167955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15697905919577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497610737276898,0.0,0.14744016630819207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200804898925636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112230807082259,0.0,0.1517891607801932,0.0,0.0,0.12184076943453155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15440911572310806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161814680282704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983343841398667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783004373820264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559295100476768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463384595701234,0.14639220775685854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11048001573575318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007079475423643,0.0,0.15177023398093342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566194416691184,0.0,0.3396122931172667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930600047842048,0.0,0.14343093213058586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224312673650038,0.15154230434023752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453691683053736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056375820726267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15889552330868215,0.3296883220174307,0.0,0.0,0.1092206453056018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612234143757693,0.0,0.0,0.09307947241852914,0.0,0.11532359641866555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136124865917576,0.0,0.1165222273224767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575411151017576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354542088904437 ptsd,googoth,2019/04/01,"Question regarding something about a parent I have this very early memory when I was probably five years old. My mother once tied my ankle to the bed, I suppose because I couldn't sit still? I'm not sure, but I wanted to know if this is a... normal thing? I find it very distressing to think about and it doesn't help that she also used to hit me a lot. ",5.438150684931507,4.72809880821918,6.39873287671233,81.69207191780822,67.76712328767124,9.491780821917807,27.839041095890412,8.841846274778883,1.882290410958904,275,7,58,4,4,92,56,73,0.129,0.871,0.0,-0.8279,1,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,4,0,5,0,0,1,1,14,11,5,0,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,10,1,6,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,5,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918871368029114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627068952005415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930904832243006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16083276366014912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186970082272104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039960678537405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23509908404277755,0.0,0.0,0.25178612248557514,0.2555378648239585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664349798278212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587056166718961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687978063867933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472447093572467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19162358953760228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261491024774033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594114603878437,0.15374963704955125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723890370922066,0.0,0.3959661258931726,0.1415281431078534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15451929556140215 ptsd,djarjb,2019/04/01,"Advice on starting a relationship I am diagnosed with PTSD, depression and alcholism. I am currently in early days of a realationiship we haven't put a label on it. I am wondering when or if I should tell them about my diagnosis. It is definitely present in my life and I don't want to blindside them later down the line ",4.293709677419354,6.18605579032258,6.375032258064518,71.44254838709679,71.74193548387099,10.121290322580649,31.754838709677426,10.355215969177356,3.726505806451613,257,12,47,8,5,90,47,62,0.087,0.865,0.048,-0.3009,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,7,2,0,0,0,9,10,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,10,0,9,9,0,13,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,3,7,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30962924029873506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204346715129698,0.0,0.272908687568138,0.321603441831019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380564825698807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3703891723993849,0.3185290556559525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401861090242512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242731944093408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27694720502332576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18689061720825653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34361817447009285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,justanotheranon8,2019/04/01,"Trying to get into the discord but since I am on other discords, it won't let me. Anyone know how to get on?",-1.1412499999999994,0.8352707083333364,2.2800000000000007,92.965,91.91666666666666,3.2,16.333333333333336,3.1291,-0.9090666666666664,83,2,18,0,3,30,21,24,0.081,0.919,0.0,-0.2144,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464359109275904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5177129466017012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722908831316478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5066396034282256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098481636795889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336383612072142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bachoffm8,2019/04/01,"How to make a solid, breathable weighted blanket at home for ~$25 I was responding to a comment here last week and someone expressed interest in my making a tutorial for a weighted blanket since I’ve been making them for myself and others! It is time consuming and tedious, but it’s a great option for those of use who can’t afford the $100+ weighted blankets that are on the market but would benefit from one! [Here is the album tutorial! ](https://imgur.com/gallery/v7jtdNY) If anyone physically can’t make one themselves or don’t have the time but need one, I’d be happy to make one for you for $35 and however much shipping would be as well. This method is definitely not perfect and I actually really want to modify it to be more efficient to make, so I can post updates if you’d like. Hope this helps! ❤️",5.950000000000002,6.695439318471338,6.917713375796177,73.42943630573252,66.64331210191082,9.846878980891722,32.89745222929936,9.888512548439397,3.269148280254777,651,27,117,14,10,218,102,157,0.023,0.731,0.245,0.9898,2,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,1,1,5,8,0,0,9,0,17,3,0,8,1,27,27,14,0,7,7,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,9,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,4,2,3,8,8,18,19,2,9,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,5,6,83,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.13327644855802026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549566299031062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505732330864886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14538548141734453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915426222371831,0.0,0.13699478108180416,0.13564872233444086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132597613784784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672312053058274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5469849277159721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039754835586162,0.10126783394128176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701841011850733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13080006643633815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749275273164824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297536104484328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571864239716725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927470647808045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795601992631677,0.0,0.0,0.08055483873813701,0.0,0.1095513636229336,0.4989307377072877,0.12279635932322455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194036393874303,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AramintaDerwent,2019/02/08,"Struggling So I have had PTSD since I was twelve. The short story is that I found my brother after he committed suicide. I'm 25 now, married and have two babies. Obviously mental health issues run in my family. I have been living with generalized anxiety that leads me into periods of depression. For a long time my nightmares became less fiquent and I was thriving for one of the first times in my life, suddenly there has been a huge set back and I feel like I've lost control. My nightmares are back, anxiety through the roof, I'm so angery all the time. It is really starting to take its toll on every part of my life. I'm constantly trying to fight with my husband. The littlest things will set me off and I with blow up and then cry for hours. I struggle having the kids for a whole day by myself and feel like I'm on the edge every moment of the day. I can't seem to shake it this time it's been since before Christmas. I'm physically and emotionally exhausted and I know my husband is hitting that point also. I just can't seem to regain control of myself. I'm lost and don't know what to do.",2.5993243243243254,4.60282041891892,4.047108108108109,85.81714864864865,76.7927927927928,6.962522522522522,24.613513513513517,7.908726449838941,1.3909200000000004,871,30,174,14,20,288,126,222,0.133,0.8170000000000001,0.049,-0.9557,0,0,0,0,1,1,19.0,0,0,0,6,8,10,1,3,11,0,20,4,0,3,3,28,38,13,1,0,1,3,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,10,13,0,2,7,0,0,3,3,8,0,3,9,2,23,2,27,27,4,34,0,3,0,0,6,10,0,2,21,116,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836967578348398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18820199255339734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917154646163453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467098491854457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329282494435977,0.2759284876318507,0.0,0.0,0.13511881778306836,0.15866032667578306,0.0,0.10594684992792223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383677567224277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20727955968721745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596125740573815,0.0,0.12439336307419865,0.175754277314111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463077875618168,0.0,0.13487222814170605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307520477977214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211383760792719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838868408077006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520426571291969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376876962177573,0.12019126286235696,0.0,0.1086185634308214,0.10885845552668197,0.0,0.0,0.2685561332827616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239634127570758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335359291350708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320597842263573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628258286389412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379009482183444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880225294094835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22396423354924166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20350743802647275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870658925616271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571899210589644,0.0,0.1345510915026343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248691677701792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08172123434532358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28690846533260184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835145465485243,0.0,0.12016121418104315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733434993891055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,logdate7112,2019/02/08,"ptsd- feeling like life’s a party and i’m the pinata I feel like it’s so hard to explain to others what I’m going through because of the numbness I go through on a daily basis. Having ptsd just kinda makes me feel like I’m locked in the trunk while my brain’s driving, if that makes sense. Lately my mind’s been so fuzzy I’ve had trouble getting out of bed and taking my medication. I stopped going to therapy and quit in the middle of EMDR and I am having the hardest time trying to get back on track. The more I freak out thinking about, the more my vision is clouded. I start to think “Why did I stop? Can I even go back to therapy? What if they don’t want to help me anymore? Why can’t I get it right? I have a husband, what’s going to happen to us if I can’t get better?” and then I think about the fact that my family has to see me this way, it makes me more depressed, I get back in bed, and the cycle repeat itself. 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Almost every time I finally get sleep I relive the nightmare of her being set on my stomach lifeless. I wake up gasping for air and feeling like the room is closing in around me. It makes me mad because I had so many good memories while I was pregnant, but my brain takes me back to that moment over and over. I want to sleep, but my body won’t let me. I can’t take sleeping meds. They make me feel groggy and makes it even harder to function. Any suggestions? I just returned to work a couple weeks ago and I’m worried my sleep deprivation could be affecting my work. 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This may sound weird, but I can tell when someone is toxic regardless of race. &#x200B;",3.937857142857141,7.2717499285714275,3.1542857142857166,84.91571428571432,85.42857142857143,5.6571428571428575,24.857142857142854,7.1686216300943375,1.6579000000000002,130,5,20,2,4,38,27,28,0.18899999999999997,0.8109999999999999,0.0,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,12,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30081140719857136,0.3373501856381686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941249757557832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924034379841238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24295541400781775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504993569866426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.649067970676381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352345430820404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24266038770047504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3373501856381686,0.0 ptsd,postpunkfaery,2019/02/08,"I can't tell my partner what my nightmares are about Tw sexual assault mention I just got home from drinking at the student association with my partner and realized on my way home that I had a nightmare last night. It was trauma related and I got panicky in bed. They calmed me down but I can't tell them why I'm panicking at times like these. I can only tell them it was a bad dream. I did tell them, two years ago, that I got traumatized by several events that were all similar and told them what exactly (rape) but I was drunk and idk if they know it's related to those dreams. I really wanna tell them because I really trust them but I also don't trust anyone when I'm having an episode like that. Does anyone know how I should tell them? It's important for me that they know because touch is often hard for me, even from them. ",3.380473372781065,4.7816070473372845,4.5616568047337305,85.51218934911245,73.20118343195266,8.276923076923078,26.01775147928994,8.841846274778883,1.8246355029585803,657,22,137,13,13,216,100,169,0.129,0.728,0.14300000000000002,0.6629,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,11,0,7,9,2,0,4,0,14,3,0,1,2,20,23,11,0,3,5,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,3,2,13,5,2,0,4,4,0,0,3,4,0,1,10,2,31,5,14,12,1,13,0,0,0,1,21,5,0,2,9,92,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580437944759606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10447267222291094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18269289616466844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907885068000488,0.15927372784496036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114323847436854,0.0,0.0,0.12797735632573345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628641474605178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134539608084144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117027680465876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2620849212578269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21538879978707004,0.10648894600085564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12764810200975554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259668625892067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993575226226318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16738251653989622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758588967028818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6851101282693196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07617716999150641,0.0,0.0,0.12483201261418815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761618906495198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369586328899846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178821803003196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412780547078617 ptsd,rougejeans,2019/02/08,"(tw: sexual abuse) I don’t feel safe with guys anymore I used to be the girl who only had male friends. I was the gamer, nerd, “one of the guys” I can no longer be that girl. I only have one male friend, and I only trust him because he’s gay. I know I’ll only be a friend, and he’s safe. My other friends are all girls I’ve met this year. This year, I thought I was ready to date again. It had been 5 years. I had one failed relationship two years ago that increased my repressed memories and fucked me up, but I thought I could move past that. Oh boy was I wrong. What I thought was stupid paranoia about guys pushing boundaries with no regard wasn’t stupid at all. It was real, and I was too afraid to stop it like I was in the past. I am no longer friends with any of my straight male friends. I can’t do it for my own mental health. I had my first major panic at the beginning of this school year. A guy who looked just like the man who assaulted me was coming on to me. I couldn’t bring myself to speak for days. I normally can’t shut up. Eventually, I broke down at a Panera and was forced into a mental hospital. It was the lowest point I thought I would go through. I love my job more than anything. I’m terrified of my boss and male customers. My boss is the sweetest man, who only wants the best for me. I’m so afraid of him. I feel gross for being afraid; I shouldn’t be, but I can’t stop myself either. I just wish everything could be over. I wish I could move on but this year has proved I may never be able to, because my fears are real.",0.6852457501847731,2.62651872560976,2.0650221729490035,97.96053954175908,82.78048780487805,5.195269770879527,19.085735402808574,6.273863323946077,-0.2782247967479674,1194,30,285,10,33,383,155,328,0.19399999999999998,0.659,0.147,-0.9625,2,0,0,0,1,0,41.0,0,0,0,3,7,28,4,6,13,0,42,4,0,3,4,49,63,10,0,10,6,0,2,2,6,3,1,1,0,14,18,11,0,5,8,0,0,7,11,15,0,5,21,4,49,13,32,28,8,38,0,2,1,3,32,14,1,1,19,183,67,5,0.08430192563342645,0.09988399672271686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472857058690201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573282002669385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360485762519766,0.0,0.0,0.0693733018067294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027793428079046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846966993678508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261864433056497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192468372450986,0.0,0.0,0.05436776790925898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0757651349397792,0.0,0.0,0.0948631036680398,0.08525117317941942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170717487813387,0.0,0.0,0.3907887517465023,0.07793577182497077,0.0,0.0,0.04791072707611485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33388864122783873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960900481256709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365665319065638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04633013364231132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237132521949803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079238554956574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760857792510929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16991302602795075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919921109053935,0.0,0.0,0.0650188420973626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08259798812715702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713754996805804,0.3205770661723961,0.0,0.09891014586624897,0.0,0.0,0.16095145395764254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969256851402068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919080948222695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050871901535368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531804940603753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409603692397918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677052493458768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235073179496806,0.0,0.0,0.07280979667681146,0.0,0.0,0.04972345992617312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938861081030928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05988566922957745,0.09217092174215663,0.0,0.32572605696434964 ptsd,SurfingToast,2018/11/12,"I miss feeling like me It happened two years ago, and since then I have felt like I’m carrying the world on my shoulders. All the stress, avoidance and denial didn’t help. I started seeing a psychiatrist, which has helped me with my panic attacks. I am 6 months into treatment, but feel like I’m walking up a never ending flight of stairs. This PTSD shit is no fucking joke, and I feel like I cant even talk to anybody. Whenever i open up, all i hear is “I don’t even know what to say” It doesn’t feel worth it to even open up about what happened, nobody understands, or even if they do, I just feel like I’m putting disturbing images in their head. Does it ever get better? I feel like I am never going to be able to overcome this shit. I can hear their screams in the back of my head, and can almost smell the blood.... it’s a nasty metal smell that makes me want to puke. I can’t even describe the mindset it puts me in, besides primal, and I lose control of myself and my rationality. Therapy helps sometimes, but mostly bleeds depression and anxiety into the following days. Somebody help me out here, I know overcoming this is possible, but it doesn’t seem that way.",3.959722292350413,5.181340236051504,4.745852057561223,85.44885130017674,71.53218884120172,7.542438778086343,27.439787932340327,7.928766900206844,1.598125675334512,917,32,185,12,17,296,133,233,0.18899999999999997,0.6679999999999999,0.14400000000000002,-0.9404,0,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,3,3,10,20,4,4,9,0,17,8,6,2,5,41,44,13,0,2,6,0,7,6,0,0,1,4,0,0,15,13,0,2,11,1,1,5,9,12,0,1,2,14,29,8,21,41,3,31,0,3,1,1,11,14,3,5,17,120,44,0,0.09833295337227796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716623009362386,0.0,0.09846624863665072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522444018066342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11186793026703007,0.0,0.07561197141230766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08696750631508418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028876862774953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06341662004285464,0.0,0.08469402865085494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08605183015015958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709380992097307,0.0,0.0,0.3247399415110953,0.0889477859930499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983205747981127,0.3512454076850424,0.09441505590369664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090723087657014,0.05137490959403517,0.0,0.05588488348526528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17391101183507962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018359584353838,0.0,0.22165677014384846,0.0,0.2636420235029628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808243908901646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2882430841701911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000942222822813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563800994389225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07848842523065465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15168087134997502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537253376398054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11085563012950328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149459603455378,0.197703555766208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819831131738712,0.0,0.0,0.07835863262731463,0.08951862762267516,0.0,0.0,0.20187472710826665,0.08134203517425045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725380525229003,0.0,0.06960057051383177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264006585557493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790363031345649,0.0,0.0,0.11245230198306252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605700710775598,0.10236807235839994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0579993236179412,0.07805212136468502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332319799923078 ptsd,funzo1031,2018/11/12,"House broken into and I pulled a gun on the would be robbers TLDR; Shortly after dinner on Friday, two younger men entered my basement via a unlocked door, courtesy of my 21 year old son. I heard whispering and listed intently to discover people in my home. I quietly called 911 and then went into the basement with my firearm drawn. The guys heard me and ran out the back door. I followed and almost shot a guy i the back. At the last second it came over me that this was just a flubbed robbery and they didn't get anything. I fired at the ground and feel blessed that I did not kill someone's son, brother, dad, uncle etc. Now that the adrenaline is work off, I'm a nervous wreck worrying about what ifs since I have a 12 and 13 daughter there as well as my wife. I've been eating xanax steadily. What does the average person do after something like this? Thank you, all. ",4.5492829457364365,5.620185982558142,4.887209302325584,85.55294573643415,69.98837209302326,7.36124031007752,30.031007751937985,7.492282038375204,1.7974635658914724,687,27,134,7,12,217,123,172,0.07400000000000001,0.809,0.11699999999999999,0.8242,1,0,1,2,0,0,19.0,0,1,1,1,7,6,1,1,15,0,9,3,0,1,1,21,19,12,1,2,3,6,2,1,0,1,1,4,3,4,8,13,2,0,1,0,0,6,2,2,1,2,9,6,17,4,18,8,2,27,1,0,0,0,15,12,0,2,10,88,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870575290003095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372402738152585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872819617089336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907480827741548,0.2136543612486976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634737073536866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114744115955604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083361810874172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445387014049428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975975400132944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699312652688956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873799503781597,0.0,0.0,0.2155470887211408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206671287634396,0.0,0.0,0.15227044212767313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126314824088703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601969566541774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12950658517910732,0.1631103149415938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452645260914352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15827868258179367,0.14381108147392244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198430735256842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248066359312848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795950571916085,0.17316946351438334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599575986365947,0.18970884081241046,0.0,0.13270041956566594,0.0,0.0,0.12029584868052465 ptsd,worthlessimworthless,2018/11/12,"Trigger warning. I can't do this anymore. Does anyone else not have family? I mean no one, no parents, no one, no adoptive family, no ""friends who are like family"" nothing. Because I haven't been in touch with my family since I was a teenager. My father sexually abused me from an age so young that I can't remember how old I was when it started. It was before I was in school, that's all I know. It went on for years and escalated to rape. My mother blamed me, made me feel worthless, broken, like I brought it on myself. She essentially abandoned me when I was a teenager, threw me out and refused to help me in any way, knew I was on the streets, living with men who paid to use and abuse my body... and she didn't care. She was relieved to be rid of me, because I was a worthless stain on what could have been her perfect life. I did try to reach out to her for a couple years, because part of me was always like... maybe I'm wrong, maybe she loves me, maybe she cares, maybe if I graduate, maybe if I go to college, maybe if I make a 4.0, maybe she'll love me. I stopped believing that a long time ago. It's been years and years and I will never try to contact anyone from my biological family ever again. All that stuff left me so damaged, I can't form healthy relationships. All I do is repeat abusive situations, push away anyone good, and make it impossible for people to care about me. I'm worthless. I feel like, all the nightmares I have, all the flashbacks, panic attacks, all of it... it isn't worth living through anymore. I'm tired and I've tried everything and nothing makes it stop. And not only that, there's not one single person in this world who would notice or care if I died. Anyone who's ever met me would either be happier for it, or apathetic. I'm completely alone in this world. And like, therapy, even if there comes out some new therapy that absolutely cures PTSD symptoms of nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks... nothing will make it not have happened. And nothing will give me parents who are safe and not abusive who love me unconditionally, like most people have. Most people have at least one family member who is safe and good and loves them unconditionally. Everyone I know. I'm the freak who has no one in the world. I wish I had never been born. I just want this to be over. I don't want to wake up anymore.",3.939154411764709,5.183075864224136,4.965542596348887,83.76901115618664,71.60775862068967,7.700202839756592,27.440162271805267,8.124751697461798,1.6654304766734276,1827,64,371,26,34,599,202,464,0.193,0.679,0.128,-0.9856,2,1,0,0,2,2,78.0,0,0,1,1,14,33,3,2,12,0,45,10,2,8,11,76,83,27,1,11,14,4,3,6,1,6,3,0,0,2,31,21,0,6,7,0,2,6,20,12,0,5,23,3,58,21,42,50,14,52,0,5,0,5,34,22,0,10,29,253,89,4,0.0,0.2744840241488688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051339051916713625,0.0,0.0,0.05998352389903337,0.0,0.0,0.04819076316375831,0.0,0.0,0.03938487551255228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231137003154928,0.16198489428039306,0.059341800492383474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13177565379678996,0.054414001587121535,0.0,0.0,0.10591519364560628,0.0,0.049282262157725965,0.0652515149054624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06433163527066406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361969444989141,0.0,0.0,0.04988951778587465,0.06072383873108796,0.0,0.0,0.04624122447225289,0.06408296785842822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010767872348901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05068269409910416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04838139803685658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038252980996795916,0.1047767007491117,0.0,0.05534123326801948,0.052051178894513786,0.0,0.3275883813679465,0.0,0.058568153671951576,0.04137521193994762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044745768712941385,0.0,0.0,0.055558317947765466,0.0329150054043624,0.0971544093936428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05121493986776456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03881988333528985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365825326753402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06292591861953567,0.0,0.04090779343478119,0.16976903379844074,0.0,0.10228180278152592,0.051253849837431024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20908585513772007,0.05480153275264092,0.15463755615447902,0.0,0.4072909431976926,0.06308751785573392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893368007385965,0.05593564717300576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222879095644484,0.06593776574986014,0.06077311412113035,0.0,0.1962269496627252,0.04404773840653943,0.0,0.1359039273422716,0.12861775919254556,0.06271739923637283,0.0,0.12045501530563255,0.05057002945866637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770072101842271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218012452199806,0.06560755375618599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058614098108508775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047908725229215375,0.06510002626865168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040993252767781166,0.0,0.0,0.09684076194372186,0.0,0.0,0.0662999796908588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060196914142494326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13246401877106556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033771293484043195,0.0665659382487548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796351530056505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050020840787918935,0.0,0.0,0.06832073116291787,0.045971036107070484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053688725169831066,0.0,0.0,0.06660055780311484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228374924070317,0.06332206944904845,0.0,0.14918405653763153 ptsd,hhhnnnnnggggggg,2018/11/12,"How are you supposed to trust doctors if you have medical trauma? I have suffered medical trauma from my childhood. The helplessness I experienced during multiple surgeries and a forced pelvic exam. I now suffer from chronic pelvic pain (interstitial cystitis and pelvic floor dysfunction which I blame on said trauma). I've been doing pretty good. I have been going as needed. But anytime I am given no choices about a procedure I find it really triggering and cant continue. Mostly it has been urologists wanting to use a cystoscopy up my urethra with no sedation and after I inform them I would have to be knocked out they say no and fire me as a patient but I really need meds for my condition. I've been able to avoid that so far.. But it got me thinking what happens if I get cancer? I don't think i could go through a biopsy awake. But everything I've read seems to indicate they force you to be awake for those too (bone biopsies, breast, cervical). I think my main issue is that I've been denied sedation so many times.. I'm also on Medicaid and cant doctor shop like I used to. I literally can't find a urologist to follow the treatment plan I already had without wanting to shove something up my body.. and even when I let a male at least perform a pelvic exam (a huge thing for me) I was denied vagina valium which is the only thing that keeps it under control even though he sounded open to it and is the only reason I let him do it so he could feel the muscles for himself. He agreed they were messed up but was told no valium and given no alternative and I feel tricked. I would have never subjected myself to that if I knew the answer was no. I feel that my recovery was set back from this shit Medicaid doc experience. ...so how the hell am I ever going to get through procedures where they refuse to knock me out? I know this issuance would refuse to pay for it anyway if most people get through it awake.",4.954928013163308,6.101933016042782,5.8900534759358285,78.45440148087208,69.10695187165776,9.06935417523653,29.892636774989718,9.367010060515213,2.6885034142328266,1524,58,281,31,26,503,197,374,0.19899999999999998,0.774,0.027999999999999997,-0.9959,0,1,1,0,1,0,35.0,0,3,5,3,18,15,3,1,16,0,38,12,5,7,2,61,68,30,0,13,10,0,4,1,0,3,7,3,0,1,21,14,0,5,14,2,2,4,12,12,0,0,17,8,47,3,40,42,4,28,1,3,0,2,20,14,2,7,10,209,68,6,0.1146656067051778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653634834010222,0.09169804425458804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817077367078341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12736763953880526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860722813429842,0.18310231305749575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2347302145210627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147110358335447,0.10372160599470774,0.0,0.0,0.10305405362561157,0.11216496596252268,0.0,0.0,0.1739351281983698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20960457437183105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17972414056520578,0.0,0.1955013202814881,0.09617607063144124,0.0917085605846518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013984173204072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968110234031525,0.0,0.10192005980594272,0.0,0.0,0.06301721868048474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345067033771705,0.0,0.05601982345263396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625292772042255,0.0,0.0,0.12736763953880526,0.2310270706436237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17004618889852485,0.0884371848014596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744167218588345,0.12201229006069406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949469394303442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665614504889399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469663684682435,0.0,0.14691544767200607,0.11789534122275147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907325013634747,0.09118669279241284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438726180538746,0.0,0.0,0.11770259749381998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827518609633263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235746796667207,0.22041927234722314,0.11265837639875274,0.0,0.06686243738617177,0.0,0.0,0.10956790109341924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19806853633048832,0.0,0.0,0.13526549143628375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11053355301207393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443654712591407,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ducktheoryrelativity,2018/11/12,"Me After You And Before PTSD. Dear Jeremy, I keep thinking about our break up and what led to it. I also think about us and the happy times. I also have to think about your insecurity and eventual drug use. I also have to think about what led to these things. If I had been a better wife and mother would you have delivered the blow that made me left handed? Would you have been so willing to punch me if I had been better in some way? Is there something I could have done differently? I will always ask but I accept that I will never know. I'm not sure you will either. The worst part is, I truly believe you don't remember the assault that left me with permanent nerve damage to the entire right side of my upper body. The space between my right shoulder and right hip, and everything in between is damaged. I will never be the woman you met that night in 2007. She's gone. I will always ask myself what I could have done differently but I ask that question that while knowing the answer. There's nothing I could have done or changed. The only thing I can understand is that she's gone. In her place is an angry being I don't recognize. I see her in the mirror and I don't know her. I don't want to know her. She's damaged, hurt, and angry. She can't lift her right arm without pain. She wants to know what she did to deserve this and how to work around it. I can't give her the answers she wants. I feel guilty because I think I should be able to do at least that much. I know why you turned on me and yet I don't. I've come to accept that I'll never reconcile the questions and emotions that come with and after a vicious assault. All I can do now is try to move forward but like someone here said, how can you do that when part of you is stuck in the worst time of your life? I don't have the answer to that question. I wish to the Goddess that I did. If I knew that I would know how we could move away from the demon that is PTSD. Pot Traumatic Stress Disorder. A clinical name for what defines my life now. The nightmares and insomnia deserve their own name but I don't have one I can give them. I wish the Stockholm Syndrome had never worn off. I wish I could still defend you and say you didn't mean to be cruel. it was an accident, I told myself. I wish I could lie that way again. As someone here also said, fuck PTSD. I agree with him when he wishes it could manifest itself into a living entity and we could give it a slow and painful death. I think killing PTSD is the only way to get past it. Three years later and I'm sorry I can't do that. I'm also sorry there's no real reason for this post, except to vent. Maybe my words will help someone else. If me posting this is helpful to someone at least that makes it's worth it to go through this kind of pain. ",1.416242559523809,3.4231365121527797,2.802678571428572,93.28875000000002,80.5798611111111,5.364285714285715,20.007936507936503,6.367922702773337,0.03084781746031728,2165,56,472,18,56,702,244,576,0.16,0.73,0.11,-0.9904,2,0,2,0,0,0,54.0,4,13,2,3,26,26,6,2,26,0,73,14,5,9,6,108,126,40,2,24,13,2,2,1,0,11,8,3,0,1,39,27,0,1,28,0,1,10,18,17,0,2,23,6,89,9,56,80,11,61,1,4,1,1,55,25,1,9,23,351,128,1,0.055116667652670134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22038389604368375,0.09172296558241916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04906551962299999,0.15457993215606902,0.0,0.05178392358943513,0.0,0.0,0.03359860902665412,0.0,0.046900224638031285,0.062097610236389475,0.0,0.0974924270605978,0.0,0.06122219259882415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058306126167199934,0.09495625763898764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35204939389273554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517037342464186,0.06316847621410811,0.0,0.0,0.16921046132087986,0.0,0.0,0.0639178360932304,0.0,0.04604290340748602,0.061998832608601735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953530694297365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.027868643235755386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05095447110674328,0.028796183991954626,0.15861878969284726,0.03132407239111694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05867271760653786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388708103618727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05900353267221795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048990226667598905,0.060978426543984325,0.05739552777892474,0.2120347538156576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976884134763828,0.0,0.07786106471318477,0.026927219764674725,0.0,0.04866902732146955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521527235982279,0.03679080364609575,0.0,0.055372100840756576,0.06003820907855543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11716059018919585,0.04051709252977339,0.0,0.17003748771408067,0.0,0.0,0.051723258886568334,0.0,0.05288592911748388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03734848043201973,0.08383741880404227,0.17594406118934686,0.0,0.0,0.119371959975577,0.05261509585541397,0.0,0.0,0.05758518671232093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557306391420873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25771373998690844,0.0,0.18522984543886892,0.0,0.0,0.06273483436291834,0.0,0.056669114014979635,0.0,0.0,0.062436440098244464,0.18827733209209865,0.10485714505516423,0.04383098633845717,0.0,0.0,0.04392084814016123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680069456704196,0.042431503515774543,0.0,0.12339719393824185,0.0,0.0,0.04401624198452445,0.0,0.06313595657635214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194680698367297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323412981115121,0.21189921071000092,0.0,0.0,0.06427794428954409,0.0,0.0,0.052666337915028234,0.0,0.03742059938307852,0.05995110725656511,0.0,0.057378394820113934,0.0662985648498675,0.04760310437918517,0.0,0.0,0.09752771581548823,0.1312471359389486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497342197072875,0.0,0.31690723855039105,0.05313050077430216,0.0,0.040125590487487414,0.0,0.0,0.11745989797802195,0.0,0.0,0.035493326897387566 ptsd,v2180zzzzz,2018/11/12,"I dont know what to do. Please help. I'm a 22 y/o transman who is post medical transition top and lower. I've had four surgerys the past three years, constantly recovering. And I lost my whole biological family because of me being trans and because I finally admitted to myself that my parents had been sexually abusing me when I was a kid. My brother also sexually abused me but that is something that I accepted much earlier in my life when I was about 14. But now I'm 22 and I have no family, I keep having nightmares, I think I have PTSD. I'm ashamed of all the scars on my body and am scared of people finding out I'm trans. I wish more than anything that I was born cisgender. Whether a boy or girl I dont care. I dont know how to process losing my ""family"", accepting the trauma I've had to go through medically with my body, and the childhood sexual abuse. I've began day dreaming about suicide more and more lately. But the only thing stopping me honestly is I dont want my girlfriend to deal with it. I know she'd be upset with me if I died. And I hate thinking about her grieving. But I dont know how much longer I can stand being around with my mind being the way it is. ",2.3122697111631543,4.039559520491807,4.3684777517564415,84.43756830601095,76.74590163934425,7.762373145979702,26.782982045277127,8.563005593585519,1.9413113192818112,929,37,194,19,21,319,135,244,0.23399999999999999,0.691,0.075,-0.9925,2,0,1,0,2,1,24.0,0,0,0,3,10,12,1,3,9,0,27,5,2,2,1,39,46,20,3,3,7,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,9,14,0,2,10,1,0,1,6,8,0,2,9,0,37,4,21,32,7,22,0,3,0,0,12,5,0,2,13,133,46,1,0.0,0.3463018421340455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791158329910906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017334440899361,0.08672984704979751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11878004123293492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643677437628686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933235912975444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052829573427187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06283174748523257,0.1004419877253092,0.0,0.0,0.10111286650357088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5709130713042626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2755338500572806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672548427525848,0.08904565189365055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055369473885788834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618806199168213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06530263295347427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659675671352801,0.0,0.0,0.21417125402899104,0.0,0.10990083688529938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881490592166703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899483816339353,0.10635205098571412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19629300717500572,0.0,0.0,0.09837254542621378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323872507660124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409690721502059,0.0,0.0,0.10818010769514376,0.0,0.09300419624846676,0.06754296145928998,0.0,0.0,0.10694455507198712,0.0,0.0,0.09330723241302114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388584806313945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754048006554003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500333917366679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145254684983498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065682944474401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06472554378460905,0.12485336801390168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05746441316825385,0.07733226994687778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087727143540196,0.11203515845602123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273918704523178 ptsd,KentuckyFriedTukey,2018/11/12,"Need help figuring out what's wrong with me OK. So I've had PTSD for 20 years (I'm 29). It was caused by a single event, but it's like my PTSD behaves like the complex version. I'm extremely avoidant about the whole thing and I've ""forgotten"" most of the things that happened (I'm using quotation marks since it can be recalled if I push myself to do so). Basically what happened is, my brother and a few others were victims of a home invasion and kept as hostages for God knows how long. We had to escape by jumping off the 2nd floor and ran away. The problem is, I dissociated during the whole thing and then right after there's a giant black hole. I cannot recall my life for months after. I apparently lived with my aunt for a few months. But I have no knowledge of this and just learned about it last year. I'm basically missing maybe 6 months of my life. In the past, I was often confused about my childhood memories around that time since they're not in chronological order or they simply make no sense. My therapist told me I just have dissociative amnesia. But I felt distressed by this large gap, so one night I made myself recall the entire thing and WHAM. I was stuck in a dissociative state for months and I suspect that a year later I'm still slightly stuck. I'm trying to figure out how to reverse this damage? I thought that it would've gone away by now. But now I'm wondering if I'm going to be depersonalized forever. Advice?",3.627391304347825,5.3392033566433605,4.6078169656430505,84.1745348130131,73.12587412587413,7.491395560960777,26.42079659470964,8.18289091462,1.6290606871389484,1144,40,228,18,23,372,158,286,0.13,0.8170000000000001,0.053,-0.9715,1,1,0,0,0,0,30.0,1,0,1,0,17,11,1,3,15,1,15,2,0,6,0,47,41,22,0,4,10,2,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,19,14,0,2,10,0,0,5,4,8,0,1,15,2,25,3,35,24,7,40,0,2,1,0,6,12,0,7,23,147,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977076948561785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911035664728626,0.0,0.0,0.23031091548006405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259097726806623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768326165154736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965748526666088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21677067194398286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08215388143679474,0.0,0.12294440258979973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735945786138198,0.0999082265828878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731449825675686,0.11975980585218456,0.0,0.10822864955928856,0.1084676805016511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159755835799312,0.08181422999307361,0.0,0.12313473326006218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913263110264343,0.0,0.0,0.09088166167468403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502055348513862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830543740590819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700379243765892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727978750230418,0.2865478476426487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467129977942127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20277689648237315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788193212068692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230939595897296,0.325711501023325,0.0,0.0,0.09730427609923864,0.07146963366407467,0.0,0.0,0.11711774291536332,0.0,0.08321474991021963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585828370390167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736827069427694,0.0,0.0,0.13291836754764805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706787345172742,0.1340074554299473,0.0,0.23678682623534125 ptsd,lalalandtake,2019/05/07,"Was my husband [30M] sexual abusive to me [25F]? ( I made the same question in other group and someone suggested me this one. I am confused and remembering this sometimes , feeling strange about this and don't know if it contributed to my bad depression) Well , in the past I [25F] was with my ex husband [30M] having a really serious conversation about our future. I was really sad asking him to understand me. He hugged me and started to kiss me desperately, and I can say was not the moment. But sadly I couldn't say no to him. He kept kissing me, touching me. He pulled my pants and wanted to be inside but I told him that I wasn't wet yet but he said it didn't matter, then he put his **** in my mouth, and put it inside of me. Once he finished , I felt strange and un confortable. I put my pants on and went to toilet. I felt he wanted to avoid this conversation, and to make important decisions about us. When I remember this I still feel strange and don't know what to think. Just sad. I am sorry if this was too explicit",1.4257738359201788,3.7402781073170783,3.4704323725055453,86.77802106430157,82.5609756097561,7.044345898004434,23.46452328159645,8.150884317080207,1.5223658536585365,792,29,163,17,22,268,109,205,0.14,0.7979999999999999,0.061,-0.9201,0,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,2,0,0,0,9,12,0,2,4,0,15,4,1,2,1,42,33,18,0,5,7,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,12,12,0,2,12,0,0,5,7,8,1,1,14,9,34,4,19,17,1,18,0,4,0,3,26,4,0,4,9,111,46,0,0.0,0.17654365835127006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392972717086872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244109065922114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12833567919962371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15068033404403602,0.0,0.2861316321608002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377581101050706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098981688145065,0.09946036009441894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15868285434157225,0.10096798505629397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223979531736006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493661568638972,0.16691695842255694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19090969973184332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3375816888872996,0.0,0.14173554763822205,0.23698561882211736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262493782838119,0.0,0.14736733333648766,0.16679615729243266,0.10546477280466143,0.0,0.11899363003581638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547481848848928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237832324271446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511691088199128,0.17923172315402175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577113069711375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339711882106576,0.13812685795596166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,62442fan,2019/05/07,"Trigger for friend with ptsd (sexual assault) I have a friend who has, in the aftermath of sexual assault, developed symptoms that professionals are thinking is likely ptsd (although no formal diagnosis has been made yet), and currently I am a trigger for my friend--although only my physical presence--as are a number of other people. Do triggers like that ever go away? Or will we never be able to see each other again?",8.982999999999997,8.884542200000002,9.343833333333336,61.46775000000002,60.33333333333334,11.766666666666666,40.08333333333333,11.20814326018867,4.9981333333333335,335,16,48,8,4,112,58,75,0.076,0.789,0.134,0.5514,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,4,0,11,1,0,4,2,12,15,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,1,5,4,8,11,1,9,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,1,8,42,10,1,0.22650361585604376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128076031398446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20488548811852533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5249883952316008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287272246688654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22131645113540094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143231979513037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469355205317394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17226620650235466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702908776964392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5295412118405816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804940563152636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23542398355998004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14513437122539752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,janus1969,2019/05/07,"A little encouragement... So, as I've mentioned several previous times, I was raised by a Cluster-B (Narc-heaviest) and an Antisocial Personality disordered step-monster. I learned too well...My children abandon me as my velocity into the earth rapidly increased. I don't blame them one bit. Fast-forward to last July, when my youngest turned 18 and within 3 days had gotten in contact; fast-forward again to last Friday, when she moved home from Utah and her first week she's spending at my place. &#x200B; My disorder completely destroyed my life, eventually, taking away the only entities on earth that mattered to me at the time, and I'd had them full-time for 7 years after their mom abandon them. Soon thereafter, I was in treatment, learned how to live, and go my shite together WHILE being homeless. No, I'm not crowing...I'm telling you how it was. Now, I'm telling you how blessed, amazed, and honored to have a budding relationship with my youngest again. It can happen; it takes enormous work, but it CAN happen. &#x200B; You can't see the light when your eyes are closed, and you can't open your eyes until you have enough safety to realize that you can recover. I know that, now. Once the scales drop from your lids, you'll realize that everything you once thought gone CAN be recovered, not just you. &#x200B; I'll never get back her teenage years; I've lost so much, but I have hope, progress, and joy now. If you'd asked me three years ago, my answers would've been vastly different. Keep doing your work; keep faking it until you feel it. You will feel it. And, if you're very blessed, you might even get some of your old life back...but only the good parts. &#x200B; You are all enough. Your are worthy. People DO love you, even if you can't see, feel, hear, smell, or taste their love just now. I'm not a pollyanna...I'm a cynical asshole...and I'm telling you that hope is possible, as long as you're willing to do your part.",4.451256290773536,6.225954410810815,4.438835041938494,85.96283783783787,71.10810810810811,7.481826654240447,29.7856477166822,8.104835398774808,1.9923494874184529,1532,63,297,22,29,472,202,370,0.05,0.799,0.152,0.9922,1,0,0,0,0,0,98.0,0,24,5,6,21,17,2,0,12,0,31,7,2,3,2,48,61,30,0,5,11,1,3,0,1,4,2,1,1,2,12,13,1,4,10,0,1,4,9,6,0,3,10,11,50,11,28,44,9,48,2,3,4,2,48,14,0,8,29,183,62,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928724902494439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33876058784742463,0.3799089544559219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307234481694415,0.0,0.0734372049668336,0.12020585235553882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08533432540737994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819529691108636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050409007485009545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166424763744372,0.1791643434343563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615276320399786,0.0,0.10325254251174054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024833648967332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185654807664635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664858546555329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08167443173468858,0.0,0.04442213268389153,0.06555985654399316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382394944952271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809597371898452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784043888991754,0.15526803423606295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389506652946667,0.0,0.0,0.04295662932961846,0.12742741086582118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041841892113023,0.0,0.0783403866044856,0.06901982482594983,0.06917226019160416,0.0,0.0,0.08532472116019067,0.0,0.14109126650821893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291914822043005,0.0,0.0915441760959651,0.0,0.08307545739460473,0.05745918467592093,0.0,0.06028452930830055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201947123922794,0.1664832068388767,0.052965627603497815,0.11889376628577482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692869617513417,0.0,0.05418874670899912,0.0682493753485287,0.08166424763744372,0.0,0.0,0.08811763044415377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391837424553511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245724195315412,0.0,0.0,0.08830253517986016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753848684819974,0.0,0.20495509881985446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06205310810522744,0.09115556030599828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08501947026059681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06449309428533773,0.0,0.0,0.06269806521168497,0.0,0.07027839626994196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138079546234316,0.0,0.0,0.05552512572296479,0.0,0.3799089544559219,0.15100424272505636 ptsd,ajkdbi,2019/05/07,"Anyone have experience of the diagnosis process in the UK? Hi, I'm just wondering if anyone here from the UK has been diagnosed with PTSD and if so, would you be able to tell me a little about that process and whether receiving a diagnosis has given you access to services/treatment that has helped you? I'm not currently diagnosed and don't know whether I have PTSD (my therapist says I'm clearly exhibiting post traumatic stress, but they can't diagnose me with the disorder/say for sure if I'd qualify for that diagnosis) but my PTS symptoms have a huge negative impact on my life and I'm wondering if, if I do have PTSD, receiving a diagnosis could help me. I also think there's a possibility I could have c-PTSD, does anyone know if that would come up naturally in the process of diagnosing PTSD? Thank you :)",6.922051282051285,7.066999410256411,7.88666666666667,69.39166666666668,64.51282051282051,12.574358974358974,37.20512820512821,12.06081838636515,4.772043589743589,652,31,122,22,9,221,86,156,0.059000000000000004,0.818,0.122,0.8686,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,4,1,0,6,3,0,1,10,0,17,6,0,0,2,30,29,16,0,10,12,0,0,0,0,2,6,1,0,0,4,7,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,1,0,0,2,1,15,2,14,22,0,11,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,8,1,81,19,1,0.10891573349936616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709987272927244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2284692398390932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382126035157803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392070129069662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4421887073747106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531289235547126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654048665307377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600784063899375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971447747749155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693040359151056,0.0,0.10916217815621583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278612463086225,0.10431116560286513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.636583319959186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322832567227922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476260473567274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026517898583922,0.11320515019537054,0.0,0.0,0.09519715173372538,0.10027497411592756,0.0,0.1264595612721902,0.0,0.06978880420182787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362289338918589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474122426578654,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alexisdr,2019/05/07,"Dissociative episode and all I want to do is exercise I just moved back to my home city after 6 years living elsewhere. I'm at my parents house and house hunting in a rental market with a low vacancy rate. I think my brain thinks I'm at risk of homelessness again (I was homeless and very poor as a child before I was adopted). Housing stability is very important to me and I am really not dealing with this transition well. Anyway, I am not a very active person normally (daily walks but nothing too intense) and all I want to do right now is get outside and do physical activity. I've started gardening in a large plot which involves tonnes of digging. I've also be walking my dog for 2+ hours a day. I'm curious if exercise helps anyone else with dissociative states? Does it help ground your mind at all? Any other things I can try to get out of this? I'm pretty desperate.",2.9251517341040447,5.118154473988441,4.655776734104048,80.94123735549134,76.514450867052,8.024421965317918,28.153540462427745,8.841846274778883,2.495451156069364,696,30,131,16,16,235,114,173,0.059000000000000004,0.8190000000000001,0.121,0.8873,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,1,6,0,12,3,1,0,3,24,23,10,0,4,5,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,6,10,0,0,2,3,1,3,2,2,1,0,2,0,15,1,20,20,3,21,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,1,8,80,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821882933234105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052881600906227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336550148654874,0.15146832040751348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136714062924552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579162433522062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650260978759765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533750076793007,0.15240524838410266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936618850829146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349219334102643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446914324868802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817337790304065,0.0,0.14828457967769107,0.0,0.14558182583455076,0.5117245903939001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13053575007012747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926518838775182,0.0,0.0,0.15711887375504371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484107145331654,0.14184595019553606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414665377378765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290786150994155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15039527848396836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947030679651184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12624519185224636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10463415490019408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09821104500905664,0.1894457586382049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036621394299132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659233180369415,0.17438679501456406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291605989955182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09519705455446563 ptsd,poshwed01,2019/05/07,"keep retraumatizing myself I think I’m healthy. I think I’ve healed. Then I re-traumatize myself. -Through a series of subconscious decisions I slip backwards and end up right where I was. I learn so many ways of coping, adapt new outlooks, eliminate my limiting thought patterns. I go on airplane cruise mode<complacency>with the protection from my newfound knowledge & self awareness. Letting down my guard falling right into the trap again. Worse than before.",5.681168831168829,9.44805841558442,4.45688311688312,75.57675324675327,81.72727272727272,6.955844155844157,32.97402597402598,8.00094639256281,3.3813740259740257,386,20,54,8,11,113,62,77,0.098,0.865,0.038,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,6,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,12,0,9,5,0,16,0,0,0,0,1,8,0,0,4,31,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821334156761811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215734648868424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306290364656355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14798614095417262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314473832931161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662673224715688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26399548795679484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251487139838361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447447869734567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716444827445663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33369593064258196,0.0,0.20672127716269376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20668616473168325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26536055816568777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,emilianarose,2019/05/07,"Therapies - content/trigger warning Hi, new reddit member.. I am looking for advice on therapies that have worked for you. My counselor told me to research EMDR, CBT, DBT, exposure and narrative therapies (also open to hearing about others). What have you found helpful? For context, my PTSD stems mostly from having been kidnapped and raped at 14. Thanks in advance",5.396159250585481,8.853715360655741,5.2184074941452,73.17032786885248,75.72131147540983,6.76440281030445,34.943793911007035,7.957251820313856,3.5866187353629972,291,16,37,5,7,90,52,61,0.10300000000000001,0.812,0.084,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,2,2,2,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,5,10,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,2,6,1,10,7,1,6,0,0,1,1,6,4,0,1,1,28,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21034810796581213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721421390112865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360198268482005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24261196602300045,0.0,0.14428323034488422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807629198096287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20789799381535676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516256589657495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19818109938312128,0.7385005398269835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20568871467784394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15671074655649675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DevronWithTechron,2019/05/07,"Im terrified by people now **trigger warning I was in class today sitting by one of the doors like I always have to. About 10 minutes into class a young woman opened the door and walked in. She had her hands in her jacket pockets and she stood right behind me for what felt like hours. I kept waiting for the moment she'd pull out a gun and start with me. I tried closing my eyes and calming myself down but I couldn't. I ended up staring at my desk wide eyed trying to listen for when her hands came out of her pockets so I could turn around and know if I had to act. Eventually she just moved to her seat. I realized I was terrified of a 19 year old patiently waiting about 30 seconds for the professor to finish speaking so she could take her seat. I used to love being in public. I frequented parties and bars because I loved meeting people and making friends. I was such a social person. It's hard to be social when it feels like the walls are closing in and im looking for a door or a window to break just in case. I know I'm not crazy, but it's hard to feel sane sometimes.",1.811317531496904,3.7985709730941717,3.2617424727738644,90.59119581464874,79.17937219730942,5.503224428784965,22.726670937433273,6.42735559955562,0.4974554345505018,849,27,176,7,21,278,130,223,0.065,0.8009999999999999,0.134,0.9546,0,0,0,1,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,11,0,13,7,4,3,0,39,33,16,0,4,7,0,7,3,1,0,0,2,4,2,4,17,1,3,6,1,0,5,2,0,0,2,9,13,31,7,36,18,0,39,0,0,4,2,22,19,0,2,16,117,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12608147445869247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488994865938975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09236862630733876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733049700973608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419617943142087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420674558641182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15323183710932226,0.10824995050820556,0.1454883808469484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11706833685003842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714744291058341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922223704165566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273473953809668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665490626525622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22208332773231906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724337843751968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2735156197323481,0.0,0.10114454413386507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610477797540356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590006742537116,0.0,0.1026776980390885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21009760569082056,0.13230634791779303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294020722432392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3089226244192902,0.0,0.0,0.14986273663590702,0.0,0.10725063087829806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392842685558804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362859329359387,0.0,0.0,0.20575193204398096,0.16481638922908426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086950581739812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757754691535483 ptsd,tyquent,2019/05/07,"I need some help. Hello all. I have PTSD and have decided to do a final project on non combat-related PTSD for one of my classes. With that being said, I need to interview at least two current college students who also have non combat-related PTSD. Names will be changed, and responses will only be shared with my professor. The interview would have to be over phone (that's a rule of the assignment, unfortunately), but like I said, everything will be kept confidential. I know this might be a long shot, but would anyone be willing to help a girl out? (I'm getting slightly desperate to get this assignment done and my university has been absolutely no help whatsoever.)",5.168292682926825,7.3208840813008145,6.091552845528457,73.29684146341467,69.97560975609754,10.123252032520327,32.62520325203252,10.355215969177356,3.888958373983741,534,25,92,16,10,176,79,123,0.047,0.84,0.113,0.7992,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,0,22,0,0,0,1,19,31,6,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,7,0,2,0,1,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,2,8,2,14,12,3,7,0,0,0,0,13,4,0,2,4,67,13,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514703464787606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816680210498455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17877667549129975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17294285478995214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188382554023505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512821984102384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765881693513532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398258702231369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287646542143273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256351684122441,0.0,0.0,0.14955724255064434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927936904396374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506186295424547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451690594468808,0.12853001906333167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5926462023626153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32151015728115384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508575073480974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24010158616769886,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sparklexfairy,2019/06/04,"Does anyone else have a bit of a staring problem (hypervigilance) that was developed due to PTSD when around people/crowds? Like it almost feel you are the predator in a way since you keep your eyes on people and their movements? My traumatic experiences have caused me to become very hyper aware and vigilant. My eyes follow and observe people like a hawk so I stay ""safe"" and avoid such people who I feel will hurt me again. But the thing is I believe everyone is a threat, so my eye follow and watch everybody through my peripheral vision beyond my control. As if my subconscious is taking over and shutting down what I can control in the present time. The thing is having this issue is nearly destroying my life. Its incredibly difficult if no t impossible to be n a classroom because I am more focused on the people around me than the teacher/board. People notice this and I am them incredibly nervous because of it. I speak or relax in group setting since my eyes will dart around scanning the environment, as if I am still in danger. I have tried therapy and some medications, but it hasn't helped much. Not to mention im always encountering negative social experienced which just amplifies the problem even more Anyone else have something similar?",7.055131578947368,8.325161618421056,7.261684210526319,70.07278947368424,64.39473684210526,9.93964912280702,34.498245614035085,10.047579312681364,3.7131066666666666,1011,44,162,22,15,327,143,228,0.128,0.8270000000000001,0.045,-0.9579,0,1,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,2,2,12,13,3,2,14,0,20,6,4,3,0,31,26,19,0,5,8,0,2,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,12,11,0,5,2,1,0,3,4,9,0,0,1,11,25,4,23,22,5,26,0,1,7,0,11,14,0,6,8,123,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883308134646026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874478967073236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16595674425407664,0.2431874169907204,0.0,0.31693029446838833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446829618078569,0.1310641380745338,0.0,0.13370294828371102,0.0,0.0,0.1295593231528286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12190905476592273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26620196047692324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385085523040312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19827081620978448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838187890844249,0.0,0.0,0.11339638719976107,0.0,0.11608419786822187,0.0,0.0,0.12000847540196875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954348433868247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704106079764807,0.0,0.1281863566591845,0.12386296064853368,0.0,0.10548131751947593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382169514279605,0.11595449995306464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195497718533205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723773276447422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13510910354755584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4113618589355385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271065658075013,0.1387214689836782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19633376545941547,0.0,0.0,0.12097137864138605,0.0,0.09135966905285473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648879155149995,0.09477178434559927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922673688320637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571202045546438,0.0,0.15768109325735366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919872301375585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057064426497514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791700589124586,0.0,0.09419648068059977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hub_batch,2019/06/04,"re-traumatised?? this might be a little ranty and babbly, i need to get some thoughts out + maybe need help im not formally diagnosed with ptsd but my first (and last, since she had to go away and im not in therapy rn) therapist said its extremely likely i have ptsd and we were doing cpt based therapy and i felt like not a ton of progress was being made, but it was definitely better than Not being in therapy. so now im home from college and not in therapy right now, and the other day a Very Bad day happened, and I feel like Ive been re-traumatised again. i went over to my sister's and we just sat around and talked about everything bad that was happening back home and now that im not at my sister's and home again, i feel so sick. i feel between dissasociating and feeling everything, im dead tired (i could hardly sleep last night) and i dont know what to do. i dont know what to do when my dad gets home. im terrified of him right now and i was starting to not be afraid of him anymore, but now i am again and i feel like all of my progress was reset i cant go back to therapy right now either so i feel so alone and i have no idea what to do. i cant seem to self soothe and get myself out of this. i have so little agency and control and i feel sick has anyone else gotten re-traumatised? how did you deal??? idk what to do ha",0.9935690235690232,2.7872676083916086,3.0229292929292946,92.2562457912458,80.95804195804196,6.7545195545195575,20.38280238280237,7.793537801064563,0.6053472157472157,1040,28,243,18,27,351,137,286,0.171,0.741,0.08800000000000001,-0.985,0,1,0,0,0,0,29.0,2,1,0,5,21,9,0,1,4,1,30,5,1,3,1,60,57,30,1,3,12,3,9,4,0,1,4,1,4,1,11,26,0,1,13,0,0,3,12,3,0,1,16,10,32,6,29,35,4,36,0,0,0,0,14,14,0,3,23,160,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655435126343656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330449147048636,0.05168356112665665,0.07573534771223911,0.0,0.06580062501896533,0.0,0.0,0.06944621323284453,0.11367318865537852,0.1234330084003727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537241105866222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290271876677248,0.05901565481646056,0.0,0.0,0.0953389956559772,0.07620381904602955,0.0,0.0750228579016164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17325724972971832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174706484674111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286129169316102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261617916248168,0.1056107511716539,0.07097064301580985,0.0,0.0,0.06287263848700812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585367398882256,0.0,0.08401596711139801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307267810131379,0.0,0.06621392953798567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049544121313341134,0.0,0.2965738095474671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08344180413148182,0.4790497015190003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812442478314973,0.12050228696331422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444458678234864,0.14816585667539084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06994080233068807,0.0,0.0,0.07425823413122523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784128542337974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961507825123748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936485721346683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280694566581722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893707570574065,0.07031073690188562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729005775047525,0.07711017322672034,0.0,0.0,0.061143813190340464,0.0,0.07396905965402621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052317897779695706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059410622610592774,0.0,0.0,0.4226451016714118,0.08582179994555758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058680792374690836,0.0,0.08495519915523872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060988175949891726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06852057462405252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kkigetit,2019/06/04,"Going from full time to part time at work, but feeling guilty for it? Hello everyone. This is my first time posting here, so please excuse any mistakes! I'll also be posting this to r/anxiety and r/depression as well. I struggle with PTSD, anxiety, and depression. I have some good phases, but when I'm in a bad phase, it's really bad. I've honestly been neglecting my mental health and not going to many psychiatrist and therapist appointments as I should be. I've kind of reached my breaking point this week, and had a meltdown this morning. I pushed myself to work today, but told HR I needed less work hours. I'm in the process of getting FMLA stuff sorted out (hoping I can get some time in with my psychiatrist and have her fill it out as it is due in two weeks). I know this is what I need, to give me some time to go to these appointments and be under their supervision, but I cannot help but feel guilty for asking for such a thing from my employers. I feel worried I'm going to be looked down upon by my peers and bosses, as well as my friends and family. I know I have to put myself first, but I cannot shake this feeling. Any advice?",5.1532857142857145,5.329650030434788,6.003229813664597,81.28347826086956,68.26086956521739,9.354037267080745,28.60248447204969,9.23628265651192,2.1951180124223604,897,28,183,16,14,296,123,230,0.16,0.721,0.11900000000000001,-0.9337,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,1,5,8,14,0,2,4,0,16,1,0,1,0,37,38,23,0,5,7,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,14,13,0,1,6,0,0,8,3,7,2,3,3,5,25,7,34,30,6,36,0,2,1,0,9,12,0,5,13,125,39,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117844091345812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909848670181202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474017138776347,0.0,0.17407329167888858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636314497394264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18999274188055426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19598641501874708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087157418838898,0.0,0.0,0.10725581334168156,0.0,0.23010980786708984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355187287771666,0.0,0.0,0.0879013559064196,0.0,0.11888422966340435,0.10914219645702723,0.25864109058193835,0.09542806575494864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093622944744893,0.0,0.0,0.07626018011204906,0.0,0.0,0.11300305523684233,0.11204427533768606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847790505902435,0.12505421043827394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554133761291224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534877602998128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11465723084866128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872366264339736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320593858089116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488946713072442,0.10755301625352412,0.0,0.21792770146476134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299548414374318,0.11437409386560962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728864098357052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894107904480647,0.13024378123397926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321001512973871,0.07558625745429452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317120895838433,0.0,0.10784425949102773,0.1087157418838898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111404709420997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252495978888567,0.0,0.20459262036060194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24848604503778735,0.11554281694625028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Dragon26fly,2019/06/04,"Need help So about two years ago I had a manic episode and was restricted to an psychiatric hold for 42 days. It’s been a rough two years since filled with antipsychotic and mood stabilizing drugs and I’m looking towards psychotherapy and any advice for help. My ultimate goal is to return to my life medication free. I am scheduled to meet with a psychotherapist this Thursday, so letting everyone know that I’m taking the next steps to better myself already.I will get into my symptoms down below but wanted to start out with a bit of background I had my intital outburst in a scientific laboratory. I was working really hard towards my masters degree and studying for my mcat when I lost my shit basically. I wasn’t honest with my advisor about how much I thought the work was pushing me to my limits and wasn’t taking my mental health as a priority. I became paranoid believing my colleagues and friends were out to get me. I stayed up for three days without sleep and I had an extreme accident when could have blinded me with scientific materials from the lab. From my stay in the psychiatric hold, my family visited me but they held me for so long because I couldn't come to about all my paranoid thoughts. Eventually, they did die down with the medication and I never saw any hallucinations or voices. I was diagnosed with Bipolar. Since then, I am quite functional in everyday life. I don't get out of the house much and my social life is lame, and I also don't have a girlfriend. I have a job now but I do still have a few symptoms that I wish would be relieved. I am easily reminded of people from my old work setting and I think things have hidden meanings sometimes. At my worst, I actually thought I was communicating telepathically with a secret society because they wanted my intellectual value in their recruitment. I'll have ideas of reference where I believe people in public are specifically talking about something associated with me. I think a lot of my issue is that I’m critical of people and critical of myself. I know that it could be underneath all this that I have low self esteeem and maybe that I even didn’t have enough confidence in myself to do the work that I was doing before my accident. Am I even more out there to think that this sort of paranoia will sustain ever? I've been medicated which makes me think this is not a biological problem but rather a psychological one. I believe that with the right help and my own willpower that I can overcome my past and lead the life I want to live. I feel like if I were to socialize more and even get a girlfriend that my life would be better and less stressful. Also, what should I expect from the psychotherapist? Will it be one of the therapist who believe medicine is the answer or one like some of my previous therapists that think I can overcome this without medication. I wanted to try psychotherapy mainly because of Jordan B Peterson and is youtube videos I've watched. Plus, I didn't feel that much of a connection and want to be picky if I'm paying to talk to somebody.",6.631200345423138,7.351477918825568,7.271791882556133,71.57362910189984,65.14853195164076,10.371157167530225,34.736183074265966,10.317481424215053,3.6815944732297052,2461,108,435,57,36,814,266,579,0.094,0.8059999999999999,0.1,-0.1059,2,0,2,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,4,12,22,16,1,1,29,0,59,18,2,3,4,96,96,39,1,18,12,0,4,2,3,6,16,1,0,1,25,37,0,5,17,1,2,6,11,7,0,6,24,9,77,9,75,57,16,52,0,3,4,0,20,22,1,7,23,334,102,11,0.0,0.0,0.06746248033776167,0.0,0.0,0.06755461052702635,0.061281002312646035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056904926462896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402373270482052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642596589571448,0.0,0.05882590948815007,0.3115506100355947,0.0,0.12228258466370405,0.07547381468060728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059550761860050476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039193276965012,0.0,0.0,0.08916834043028428,0.0,0.0,0.07016713032685247,0.07174769812339972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08017072134980326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07143143458498794,0.0,0.13698233193319442,0.06253350033941135,0.0,0.06605821722972087,0.0,0.0,0.06517113063940848,0.0,0.06991003975766494,0.049387636972561696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0534109114524999,0.0,0.14447365454545896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06192834495104944,0.0,0.0,0.07348367014148834,0.0,0.0,0.13901238559912402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07976859772781053,0.0,0.07804117450283424,0.0,0.07215544130893126,0.06860245709749192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598585131714833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069175643105048,0.2441485078599544,0.0675484266810869,0.0,0.06104447938544564,0.06117930061340099,0.058053142305669214,0.0,0.07546532021874741,0.05877322381301121,0.0,0.0,0.04614588740213715,0.0,0.06945199553662086,0.07530459140321047,0.0,0.27857130174485323,0.069668404327759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524590662160739,0.0512602138639469,0.05331856051361983,0.0,0.07352225296809095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254199693920042,0.0,0.14053610700399588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659939454531117,0.1437814645172903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066149615648599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735299782653037,0.0,0.0,0.0442874804567282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903801837730964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211934769828172,0.0,0.07096260561859158,0.11437276661557046,0.0,0.06918153738831317,0.1409419436757564,0.0,0.05322089189400206,0.06837293133106567,0.0,0.048931710342852194,0.14737019892378844,0.05520859413731874,0.0,0.07919002724768541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370842845967732,0.10395673642312324,0.11113074111315864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160534258227325,0.045927970760941884,0.22148372575400171,0.0,0.1646483320445137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046935826198927666,0.0,0.1350630781758874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038780776078873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949794132110763,0.13328081277780346,0.0,0.20131454570999616,0.0,0.0,0.09821822646224476,0.0,0.0,0.08903698230076054 ptsd,SLKruzsh,2019/06/04,"PTSD is all in your head (WTF) This may contain triggers involving robberies ect.. So grateful to join this group! I have been struggling for a long time to connect with people that \*GET IT\*.. I will try to keep this short. I have survived multiple robberies.. 2 involving weapons (a knife and then a gun and taser).. I was diagnosed with PTSD after the 2nd robbery but back then (here in Canada: it was treated like ""just get back on the horse its all in your head"" by my then employer..Then the 3rd and most violent robbery happened. My employer did not file a WBC claim nor help in any way..and I was too messed up/confused to know HOW to find help. Fast fwd to today. I worked in the OIl and Gas Industry for 15 yrs after that b/c I couldn't understand WHY I couldn't hold down a REG job.. I felt safer in a remote camp setting.. Recently I took a job at one of the major money lending stores that comes with ALL the safety bells and whistles..It made me feel like I was LOSING my mind! It brought back my PTSD in the worst way! I have been thru talk therapy, EMDR and a slew of other therapy..I thought I was back on track when I took a job at a call center..I struggled with the Anxiety and Depression of handling a ""NORMAL"" JOB.. I ended up leaving recently due to Medical reasons..The BIGGEST problem I have is the following comments: 1. You are just unhappy with life, Why can't you just let it go? 2. It is ALL in your head and you need to realize that. 3. Well I had traumatic things happen in MY life and I am fine! What makes you different? You can't handle the stress? 4. EVERYBODY has bad days and you just need to RELAX. 5. Why are you so TIRED/STRESSED/ANGRY? EVERYONE feels THAT way sometimes. These are only a tiny portion of the comments.. I am a person who believe that it MUST get better! There needs to be ALOT more support and understanding about PTSD! People that don't \*GET IT\* will never understand.. I have lost many relationships in the course of the last 3-4 years because of lack of education and understanding.. But THANK GOD there is groups like this..Where I feel ""NORMAL"" and not judged.. Anyways I hope this story of mine might help someone out there! Keep up the BATTLE!! You are all WARRIORS!!",1.5534246575342472,4.045721639269408,2.8323360730593627,90.35866849315069,83.7488584474886,6.0610776255707774,23.37187214611872,7.404127859558343,1.1013386666666665,1730,64,351,28,50,557,234,438,0.152,0.733,0.114,-0.9688,7,0,0,1,0,0,91.0,0,11,0,5,20,24,3,3,28,0,37,7,3,4,7,70,70,23,0,11,8,0,4,3,0,5,4,0,0,1,24,20,0,4,12,1,2,6,9,13,1,1,16,5,40,11,48,45,12,51,0,3,0,0,25,20,0,5,25,228,64,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05148817980327792,0.0,0.057921074149849434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328778568385721,0.06321810534092066,0.04615460853397847,0.0,0.0,0.08530385555790218,0.0,0.06696296269943293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731255462102052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522098720965296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04882932651959041,0.0,0.06521243763003272,0.07684821094884678,0.0,0.07910511259423728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706021354642512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234806082174361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484996160695125,0.05409016339492554,0.07269740314087322,0.0,0.06920130961639691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15822995509923798,0.0,0.043030064064708065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339074453433327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331135097828259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522486822998326,0.0,0.0,0.07520117851975425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005382189683035,0.1345963299873591,0.0,0.0,0.04161048559308996,0.061717091479766985,0.0,0.08017029257195006,0.0,0.0774227902046447,0.10695820648482596,0.11097024458611056,0.0,0.0,0.06700459000305321,0.0,0.08470470350806536,0.08265087684900223,0.0,0.0,0.0716425057878861,0.05053974521947992,0.07676220682781745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762739834914937,0.0,0.08032068801167602,0.0764496505895972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16842312247699542,0.05839537639280438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14836747165540107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05130582912856047,0.057583979776217466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498123802687273,0.06611062585674636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07244816189387839,0.35402289343249616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14951706587092414,0.08128860101534381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415230556700581,0.0,0.07488317429606996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673023808479924,0.15830561925664674,0.0,0.0,0.08591945584491355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0608561202103018,0.0,0.0697073646181645,0.08658566425804383,0.0,0.05030107928097239,0.0,0.0,0.060108532748371336,0.04414949669046198,0.0,0.07176810744911058,0.0,0.1682422871186489,0.05140489935945482,0.0,0.0,0.31528416538071696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18029496922513746,0.0,0.0,0.06807606279014028,0.0,0.20496057793747213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05512076168616136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04875739371287263 ptsd,officialkodos,2019/06/04,"Trauma without PTSD? TW: drugs, illness I (17M) just started seeing a therapist a couple months ago for OCD. I’m not going to continue going because she’s never treated OCD before and I don’t feel like I’m getting a whole lot out of it. But anyway, she asked when it started and it started with a traumatic experience my freshman year of high school. I have sort of an unstable home life, and my mom’s fond of painkillers. She accidentally overdosed on opioids and I was the only one home for the few days while she was horribly sick (she ended up surviving, thank goodness). I won’t go into detail because it’s pretty gross but it was violent and disturbing. Since then I’ve developed an intense fear of chronic illness/pain and, to a lesser degree, vomiting, as (I think) a direct result of that event. This sort of manifested itself into OCD. If I don’t perform my compulsions, I get very disturbing thoughts about things I don’t want to describe, but basically just being in pain and having no way out. My therapist said some stuff I’d already ascertained about OCD being a way to control what I cannot and then said it sounded like I had “a bit of PTSD”. I know you can’t have just a bit of it so I don’t know if she was colloquially saying that I have a bit of trauma or if she actually meant I may have PTSD. I’ve been trying to figure out the difference between different sorts of therapists but it’s kind of confusing. At any rate, she’s not the kind that evaluates/diagnoses people so I haven’t gotten any official diagnoses though we’ve been operating off the idea that I do have OCD just because that one’s blatantly obvious. Also, she’s the only therapist available to me since we’re on Medicaid and live in a small town. I looked into the symptoms of PTSD on my own and - in my unprofessional opinion - I don’t really relate to much of it. I have an awful time staying asleep on account of my compulsions and just being a poor sleeper, but no nightmares. To my knowledge, I’ve never had a flashback. I avoid the subsequent fears I developed following the event at all costs (the point of my compulsions is that it calms my intrusive thoughts, which are pretty constant), but not the event itself. In fact - and this is a little messed up, I know - I actually enjoy talking about it, in the same way I guess people watch horror movies. The hurt is kind of soothing for reasons I can’t really articulate. So, my question is: is it possible to be traumatized, but not have PTSD? I find it hard to believe that something that’s affected me so significantly could not be labeled as trauma, but the struggles y’all have described on this sub don’t really go along with what I’ve experienced. And I’m not asking for a diagnosis - I know I’d have to go to a professional for that - just some thoughts, advice, insight, something like that. Thanks in advance.",5.136955903271692,6.2225205585585615,6.392178757705076,75.2474146514936,68.63963963963964,9.589853010905642,32.26292081555239,9.811843763644266,3.230927927927928,2270,98,414,52,38,766,249,555,0.163,0.768,0.069,-0.9952,1,1,4,0,0,0,66.0,0,2,0,4,17,28,1,7,33,1,43,10,1,4,6,87,78,37,0,5,25,1,2,3,0,2,9,4,2,0,33,22,0,2,17,0,3,7,22,15,0,2,15,10,52,13,66,55,12,58,0,1,3,0,19,27,0,15,23,290,85,2,0.0,0.0,0.13249234293540724,0.0,0.0,0.0663366406038045,0.06017614185827585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491301625259153,0.054287777146147895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09232854006570808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692701325284889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12414658003627488,0.0,0.057765312914448065,0.07648338391189091,0.0,0.0,0.22233919848280007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335979431410511,0.07613903433921129,0.054200815551811436,0.07511369260975165,0.0,0.043780343830085534,0.0,0.0,0.13780411641424686,0.0,0.14185118964128554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078725290363446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06012614581533406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640476059525151,0.0,0.15277946677183848,0.03432480141489791,0.048497206905060763,0.0,0.0,0.062045851221858586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.070934439733511,0.0,0.1929036435744935,0.05693889255408655,0.0,0.0,0.07478321120798471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060811813289378326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172445051147684,0.13618879938528472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267252031677264,0.07663413799450691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120759962853766,0.1492317421557245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047949330751841004,0.09949585237345927,0.06803881354629207,0.059943883300438774,0.0,0.05700647827008076,0.0,0.0,0.057713577131066465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950633636885401,0.05418532619616006,0.0,0.049903439619521865,0.0,0.10471451641007316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920015490623169,0.10325952100510924,0.14446929737162195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0941261128121554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641734649851662,0.07653037325689639,0.0,0.13812732554165014,0.0,0.0,0.3967708829646177,0.0,0.07604697038909718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046700964091762,0.06979730116271878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291487587143781,0.05398504294447996,0.0,0.06870345577075683,0.05409572248033622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231069285499852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10452270098645343,0.0,0.0,0.14414850109355512,0.07235660042631333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096835995178027,0.07771232296128695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055872497890632,0.0,0.05456355958346276,0.0,0.124999159644276,0.0,0.3152798398079424,0.04509991644185049,0.04349810087072247,0.06669687321358908,0.16167981938824375,0.03958441131188189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046089600838646855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560124069754371,0.040040455139203984,0.1616523574279561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579141157692458,0.0,0.06543891902897546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04371584892025908 ptsd,ozziewilde,2019/06/04,"what do your episodes/flashbacks look like physically? (tw sexual assault, no details) hi, i was just wondering if the way some of my flashbacks present themselves are unusual or abnormal. i was sexually assaulted, and some of my worse flashbacks (usually happen before i go to sleep, so i'm lying down) physically manifest themselves as my body recreating what was happening to me and i usually end up kind of...fully-body flailing and flapping around, totally without hesitation or anything. i don't know if this totally made sense, but i was wondering if anyone else experiences such a full body or intensely physical manifestation of their flashbacks, not just physical symptoms like heart racing, headache, etc? thanks!",10.023270365997641,10.963507785123973,9.777874852420306,55.74785123966944,57.925619834710744,14.187012987012984,47.86422668240851,13.25671669890799,7.337402833530106,586,37,80,22,7,191,84,121,0.086,0.8059999999999999,0.10800000000000001,0.5660000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,1,0,5,6,2,0,2,0,7,5,4,1,2,23,17,12,0,3,11,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,5,1,12,4,10,12,6,10,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,10,6,56,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738230636946867,0.15735441083682133,0.1263780751430144,0.13671315832462533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13067991301561654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5117573017093013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829112565481468,0.0,0.1360207208909085,0.0,0.17127527815237578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022455346623514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08727947652614622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716094429918649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18198558166180392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992338278808998,0.08440009280725856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005671140204555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896323495544534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453151543717211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15368461562013827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596218834024538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413900356908958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382794820169759,0.0,0.0,0.12189965997264895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14803957280050675,0.33308826742331626,0.0,0.0,0.15650472711873345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BlanchedSlate,2019/06/04,"How do you self-soothe? Tw: childhood sexual abuse & neglect Long story short, the sexual abuse happened around 4-5 years of age and the emotional neglect went on for over a decade after. I have amnesia from the sexual trauma, but am currently dealing with crippling night terrors that are confusing me as to what I thought happened. I don’t know if they’re flashbacks, I know they’re dreams, but they’re traumatic in themselves because of the disgusting images I’m left with when I wake up. It’s horrifying and overwhelming. I recently made huge headway in therapy and have finally learned to stop dissociating/going numb, something I’ve done for my entire life. Now that I can feel, I’m drowned in emotion, sadness, anger, hurt, but that’s good because I’m finally really feeling everything. It’s the not being able to calm myself down and help myself feel safe again that’s the problem. I’m going to see a psychiatrist to see if I can get meds for the chronic nightmares (it’s been an entire year now), but in the meantime I don’t know how to calm myself when I’m emotionally overwhelmed. No one taught me how to properly soothe myself and all I’ve ever known is resorting to numbness. So here’s my question, friends: how do you self soothe when you’re overwhelmed and can’t stop sobbing? How do you take care of yourself and help yourself feel safe? Thank you for reading~",6.694103053435117,7.280716148854964,6.739761450381683,75.90750477099239,64.99236641221374,9.908778625954199,35.84064885496183,9.827888789773867,3.5536633587786253,1109,51,197,22,16,354,146,262,0.225,0.599,0.175,-0.9565,1,0,1,0,2,0,34.0,0,4,0,0,15,24,2,5,11,0,16,5,1,6,2,44,41,23,1,3,7,0,4,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,8,10,0,6,11,2,0,2,5,16,0,1,6,6,21,8,29,34,1,34,0,8,2,0,10,12,1,4,20,116,29,3,0.11670925308053128,0.2765627609242716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645442695214476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389597904021802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14228975484353806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899286177957663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032211523992214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11943408648856813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3938466032387712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557020114217802,0.0,0.0,0.10489075121270028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23604682031282,0.0,0.0,0.2556985640930001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016927942019873,0.0,0.060975767737797226,0.0,0.13265711618291726,0.0978901842509422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20641121412177296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15645550442881945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493966926089504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924210598472272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126804944958663,0.0,0.08243519695344352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328401635025627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043311717648273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296376699547264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952372791445236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790852103465782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11167499326915338,0.0,0.0,0.13074107361753365,0.0,0.11674083626191073,0.0,0.07476693603461068,0.0,0.11523630750782292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860043286144978,0.0,0.2435064086106121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984848491960809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951483229394808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775083367080241,0.0,0.0,0.10745019985388628,0.13346720220985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265411039586703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819064686562453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15031386504138747 ptsd,Sempiterna81,2019/06/04,"Supportive statement gone very very wrong! My friend has PTSD as the result of things that happened to her at work. She we work in dimentia care and she was assaulted several times by 2 different people over the course of a year, and was always a bit afraid of what might happen. As a result, she has a very hard time going to the job site, to the point that she actively avoids even driving past. Yesterday there was a union vote on accepting a new contract, and she decided she was going to go vote. She took an Ativan and I drove us up to work. She was obviously in distress but insisted on pushing through it. As we were leaving, we ran into a coworker that asked her some questions about how she was doing, everything started off okay, the coworker was being very supportive, saying that she had been in a similar situation etc. Then everything went a little sideways. The coworker was trying to reassure my friend that she could heal, could get better, that she won't feel like this forever... What came out of her mouth was... ""So you had a few incidents at work, the person who caused the problem is dead now, so the problem itself is gone. There are plenty of people who have been through much worse and gotten over it, there are people who have been to war and gotten over it. At least you weren't dragged into a room and raped, that happened to a nurse I know. You'll get over this."" I knew when I heard it that we were in trouble. My friend was having a mild panic attack by the time we got to the car. All she could think about is how much of a ""pussy"" she is for being so ""weak"" when others have gone through so much worse. I think the lady realized that it came out wrong, we know her well and she just isn't like that, she texted my friend shortly after telling her very supportive things, but the damage was done. My heart broke for my friend.",5.055755064456727,5.886953834254148,5.221781767955804,84.49005755064458,68.66850828729282,8.685267034990794,27.23802946593002,8.841846274778883,1.8685907918968696,1456,44,292,24,24,458,174,362,0.174,0.716,0.111,-0.9856,2,1,0,0,0,0,47.0,7,3,0,5,18,32,4,4,28,1,42,5,2,5,2,49,75,22,2,5,3,0,2,2,5,3,2,2,1,1,26,20,0,1,11,0,0,15,3,16,1,0,34,4,42,16,47,33,9,52,0,2,0,1,46,24,0,3,15,218,68,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694790823969802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780616702697753,0.0949938422530376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07384938253809785,0.09116088979123547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19100459205282666,0.08513429696573396,0.08577798676024763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000049989451768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724022183595234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544997435042856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312509945005512,0.05515127472820925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500896815011069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042220347922117936,0.05965275440439706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3225612905068815,0.0,0.08725110129579608,0.0,0.14236572876936315,0.0,0.06678295595766125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215175768188409,0.0,0.07480002240415189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894846222730562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286133485285896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917793521757105,0.0,0.0,0.08841494410741331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815882264107704,0.08368941003940565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08858080609906623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18414736543811272,0.0,0.0,0.08064527688958452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097969813569876,0.0,0.0,0.0797106494987556,0.1736661423084395,0.07290939202678483,0.0,0.0,0.07893493647032739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979735083998536,0.09760758421670783,0.0,0.09353963944150127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640292738058369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943317667232858,0.0,0.0,0.09385802988417496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05910206437475269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842660407949644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298309360066219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094800755974243,0.10700746265155027,0.0,0.0,0.1460693914302879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09277209758682624,0.05669133987049454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004407875553556,0.0,0.0,0.34448317440691795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507695299030147,0.07740577477861632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431573545408336,0.0,0.17018823071908262,0.0,0.18258931761870964,0.0,0.05377156676929813 ptsd,MattZdeb,2019/06/04,"Question Do you guys think being catfished at age 13 could cause PTSD. I forgot about the experience but now that I think about it, it may of made me fear homophobic behavior and always feel suspicious of men. If u forget something can it still cause ptsd, or no because if you forget it means you don’t care?",5.381,6.3340997666666645,5.796666666666668,80.22000000000001,68.0,8.666666666666668,28.333333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.090833333333334,246,8,47,4,4,79,46,60,0.217,0.721,0.062,-0.8674,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,3,0,18,13,5,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,6,1,5,8,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,5,3,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17701192717488345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12968081649866384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21689673286817024,0.4370733239929204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698509781002089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809490452836416,0.0,0.2393851605426431,0.10756482230129463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064034090479472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129427898285931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2317299495418993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4973498783523122,0.0,0.23831103223527225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16377320908810064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698898366663821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2726230187931864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ThunderSongs,2019/06/04,"Can’t take medication— Hard to cope. TW;MEDICAL What it says on the tin I just need to vent— get my story out of my system. I dunno. Try not to feel insane. Ive had death anxiety since i was a child. I remember being afraid at age 6 that the train that ran next to our back yard would derail and kill me. Fastforward 8 years and I start taking escitalopram. Finally, I feel better than ever and am able to function. Tw:medical, needles, hallucinations Last year, I suddenly became intolerant of my SSRI and developed Serotonin Syndrome/Toxicity. I was hospitalized and sedated (Unknowingly, they didnt warn me, just shot me up with ativan and I panicked further as the room spun and my memory is gone from there.) I dont remember anything from my time there. I dont remember any of the several neurologists that saw me (According to my significant other, who was present) the only thing I remember for myself is waking up to piss a lot and hallucinations— presumably from the benzodiazepines. Words and letters flying back and forth across the whiteboard, vine patterns on the curtains twisting and curling, the wood grain of the doors melting into the floor. I cant stop thinking about it. Burning up super hot, sleepy but unable to rest and forced to just stare and panic at the hallucinations. The Spouse says I was in a constant state of panic, asking anyone who came into the room if I was alive or if i was going to die. I was there for three days. I remember waking up and the nurse telling me i could go home. I don’t remember my first week back at home after that. I cant take any SSRI drugs ( Or anything that even touches serotonin) to help with the anxiety, as even different ones cause the same reaction. I cant take Benzodiazepines to calm down because they trigger me. I’m constantly afraid im going to start hallucinating again at any moment. I cant afford therapy because my insurance refused to cover the hospitalization/first two sessions of therapy that i could afford and im 20k in debt with no job because im too anxious to. I feel like im always going to be afraid. I cant even take a fucking advil because im afraid ill end back up in that place. Every day im convinced im dying from something— or that i have some kind of serious brain damage from this event. My house triggers me. Almost every night I have a session of panic that begins at 8pm on the dot and lasts until 2am or i fall asleep. I havnt felt like myself in a long time, im too afraid to do anything i love. I have weird dreams about decay and death and hospitals that arent nightmares but just vivid and weird. Grounding techniques dont work because when i focus on my body it triggers me into thinking i have some disease thats going to land me back in that hellhole. I panic when i get a headache. I panic when my heart rate slightly increases or i feel slightly out of breath. I feel so worn thin and the worst part is that im doing much better than last year. PTSD fucking sucks. Im just always so scared with no ability to calm myself down for longer than a day or two. Thanks for listening to my soapbox.",4.292303056392599,5.841404386138617,5.495350839431769,79.12783469651316,71.14521452145216,8.239862247094276,28.520447696943606,8.779410014580577,2.2728267757210507,2462,93,460,45,46,819,285,606,0.16,0.7559999999999999,0.084,-0.9940000000000001,6,0,2,0,0,1,60.0,1,0,2,5,27,33,5,11,28,0,36,14,8,4,1,80,73,38,5,6,16,1,10,2,0,1,3,3,7,1,22,30,0,2,15,2,1,10,15,22,0,5,15,16,67,11,78,53,9,89,0,1,3,3,16,35,4,14,44,301,89,4,0.05083431724394959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090322571790325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459644839843071,0.0,0.0,0.10370723672670314,0.0,0.07777622710395296,0.057428309072530985,0.0,0.035544536573717506,0.0,0.12549693518170024,0.0,0.047523224494681736,0.0,0.0,0.19544226072728266,0.0,0.15494063982418765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991764519060055,0.0,0.05646546668153001,0.0,0.056747909962337514,0.0,0.058140916510443716,0.0,0.052220846766680616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10986767543731338,0.0,0.08117413178650552,0.0,0.0,0.09835178761262517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551599119113282,0.05311104198703091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873232364700806,0.0,0.05895166917538847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04502411665340207,0.0,0.0,0.10072676132929352,0.0459825502667386,0.0856602094883048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851679099436694,0.03631604639625445,0.048808916439672737,0.055686509778950136,0.0,0.08647928855796104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399101431751256,0.053117665301786375,0.0,0.14445156983518576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0455375633730975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023891069177498,0.0340731713072007,0.0,0.10198192994512603,0.0,0.0,0.05865597695343765,0.0,0.0,0.5490978583610117,0.0,0.050445216000791916,0.0,0.056240640299733455,0.05293611881407773,0.0,0.12431025995928313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0496701593296964,0.0,0.0,0.04498677109822099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043217518668418525,0.0458799560169189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242045316372976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03736907224581056,0.037693002117093664,0.0,0.0,0.05406287309169582,0.047704563122356526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034446648966971014,0.0386617889460892,0.0,0.2982155921012895,0.0,0.05504861180714505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05311104198703091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942259653275943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455122312769124,0.0,0.0,0.08085097882496567,0.0508940196795376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057428309072530985,0.0,0.04205067253153493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196158277612495,0.0,0.0,0.042499765425990564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911054007930558,0.0,0.04443143388444208,0.04680140951231401,0.1162669440462672,0.0,0.0337720615782211,0.06514515578031242,0.0,0.0,0.0592837983673947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03451316455642076,0.0,0.09931548286429487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04077622301434868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03700798838739163,0.0,0.0,0.03611124046228785,0.0,0.0,0.09820690090963433 ptsd,bebuzzie,2018/11/18,"Surprise triggers. I've got a good handle on my triggers. I know how to prepare myself when I have to encounter a trigger and how to move past it without too much discomfort. That being said today I encountered an event that blindsided me. I was not prepared at all. I know its possible I will come across triggers without warning, but this was something that had not been a trigger before. Today all of a sudden I'm pulled over to the side of the road shaking and confused. How do you deal with surprise triggers? ",4.400102040816325,6.383284469387758,4.840561224489797,82.17676020408162,71.65306122448979,6.53265306122449,33.67857142857143,7.1686216300943375,2.406567346938775,410,21,70,4,8,130,67,98,0.068,0.833,0.1,0.2502,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,3,7,0,8,0,0,9,2,23,14,7,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,2,0,0,4,4,3,0,0,6,1,10,3,13,6,3,16,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,6,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20202485730772488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20451420593448674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447670798470313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19913458550004853,0.18988451159347444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609569644281524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523372936669017,0.17452922454051073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22664192580013334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26765262675594986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22583846805594096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827756372018608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500881735872722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4577241120040368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,leggett87,2018/11/18,"Can anyone spare a moment to talk? (Trigger warning: assaults and threats) Hi all. My heads in a very strange place at the moment, I'd been out today watching England play with my family and as I got home in the taxi my kids were being naughty and my partner was speaking to them, 10 minutes after we got in my front door starts going crazy and I open it to the guy across the road looking coked off his tits going mad at me threatening to cave my head in because his friend was outside his house when we got home, had heard my partner talking to our kids and told our neighbour we were talking about him (as mentioned earlier, she wasn't). Although I don't fully know the guy, he's normally sound, I talk to him most days when I see him on the street and never had a problem with him before (lived here two years) but fuck, he was on a war path tonight. I tried to calm him down but I couldn't so I just shut the door. My kids saw it all and were in tears, I've managed to calm them down and get them all to sleep but I'm hoping seeing that has no lasting affect on them. My partner wanted to call the police but I talked her out of it, round here people end up in more trouble for calling the police than the police can actually do to help. I'm not sure if this was a bad idea of me or not but I'm genuinely scared that if I call the police I'll be putting my whole family at risk for what could be a one off, drug fuelled aggression. I'm hoping it's a one off incident and I can speak to him tomorrow when he's sober and had time to sleep on things and iron things out but honestly, I don't know him that well so I'm not sure how that'll go down. Tonight's brought loads of really bad memories back, last time I had an issue with a neighbour (around 15 years ago, in a different area) my best friend got beat to within an inch of his life and every window in my parents house got put through with bricks that night. I never even realised that was a part of my PTSD and I'm not even sure if it is now but my heads going crazy, I keep feeling sick, I can't slow my heart rate down and my blood pressure is through the roof, I'm having extreme panic attacks, I'm so badly on edge that every noise outside making me jumpy. I never felt like this after the incident, it's not until the intrusive thoughts came back so I'm putting it all down to PTSD / anxiety and hoping things blow over soon however none of my usual coping strategies are working and every time I feel slighty calm my adrenaline is shooting high and bringing it all back, I don't feel safe in my own house right now and I'm sure that's just due to the state of panic I'm in and I'm hoping it'll feel better in the morning but I'm just hoping that talking to someone will help. Can anyone spare a minute or two for a message with a internet stranger going through a rough patch? Thank you.",3.5798195285644137,4.3119258909396025,4.373899165166147,89.59513095432968,71.96979865771813,7.156916025536095,26.449337043706013,7.11905507035037,1.0560204288754296,2245,71,491,20,41,722,268,596,0.15,0.75,0.1,-0.9813,3,0,1,1,0,0,43.0,5,1,4,4,24,39,7,5,32,0,37,13,8,4,12,92,89,44,1,13,21,1,7,1,7,3,3,4,5,8,24,33,1,2,9,1,0,12,16,17,1,4,26,16,64,22,77,55,12,93,0,0,6,2,57,44,2,11,37,312,88,2,0.0,0.0,0.06162989999855688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598285188197717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04831319064751872,0.0,0.0,0.08831850224200118,0.0,0.0,0.056221093531277945,0.0,0.07184761534089341,0.0,0.14568625228599225,0.15819466854891334,0.03849853329022719,0.0,0.053740018169025634,0.0,0.06627698602047853,0.055855220758691634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19346410157321534,0.07223217912167844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05042390780162859,0.0,0.0,0.040729572024641836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598324430364097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323942901095648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055936339743108465,0.0,0.0,0.08342619854616115,0.0,0.1596317352749754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907330545780205,0.0,0.1277317032397442,0.0,0.060638438583474785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758636549290443,0.058385524252883826,0.03299573643558578,0.0,0.17946142395035233,0.0,0.25255300855148005,0.0,0.0,0.12506621095606066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944448994766988,0.0,0.0,0.07483865147535966,0.08466255989147539,0.06672643285701094,0.12669867406798793,0.31363445240530136,0.0,0.2186162149557805,0.0,0.07129399565950173,0.0,0.06591712326550841,0.0,0.056134820068357835,0.0,0.0,0.06941636883990739,0.10295905767072472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04460804894475099,0.03085420785429545,0.0,0.05576677793572222,0.0,0.053034061851676834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04215626836872298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14612644848230108,0.0,0.0,0.05926642982582689,0.06187822005366207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855905502582467,0.0,0.0,0.14819692126228126,0.07012584663570667,0.06839041121306015,0.0,0.04378353338271118,0.0,0.06598324430364097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043054119793712,0.14764898437259774,0.19046382183407265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04045853307009852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05393378883328615,0.0,0.0,0.06322889569610142,0.0,0.10065227598664048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640066625601415,0.0,0.053510792312277684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044701238378576764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380903181313748,0.0,0.0,0.3045682471477029,0.0,0.05814438433273146,0.0,0.0,0.12587157621370995,0.0,0.0,0.05013779604123996,0.11047808152244867,0.0,0.059863293429780084,0.060347044780561375,0.0,0.04287791170005969,0.0,0.12338597632049927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06955600554933189,0.052109261019825104,0.03725029222751226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056783681041610176,0.0,0.0,0.07050999344939572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04597739090767331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08133914270415063 ptsd,SgtReed27,2018/11/18,"Six years mostly stable. Backsliding for no apparent reason. I know it happens. Mostly a vent post. No one needs to fucking read this, the TL;DR is the title. I'm just starting to get this millenial thing where posting it here is mildly more comforting than journaling for inexplicable reasons. Like I said, 6 years managing life pretty ""normally"" since leaving inpatient care after I had reached a nonfunctional point (PTSD is not my only mental illness). I have been in ongoing therapy and taking my meds. It's been up and down but I've rebuilt a full life that moves forward and remained functional to the degree that institutionalization hasn't been thought of again. But then really the last 2.5 years or so something snapped in place and I got my symptoms under control in a way I never had before (therapy, consistent medication, and meditation). I've cut down on panic attacks like I never thought possible and largely eliminated most of my behaviors that scream from across the room ""that dude has anxiety!"". I've been moving past triggers with nothing but a blip in my blood pressure and a few moments of breathing. I've read entire books sitting with my back to an open bay window and completed meals at a leisurely pace in bustling open air restaurants. I've been so fucking proud of myself. I've researched and discussed in therapy and try, in a healthy way, to never let myself forget that I'm never ""cured"" and I understand that. But I had started to think about thinking about feeling that I could someday live in daily confidence I was done with relapses. You know.... just kinda live. How people do. [They do, right?] Then two weeks ago, an accidental touch, fuck, an random ass brush, in the small of my back in a crowded bar launched a full on panic attack (made it to private bathroom to have it out, SO who knows it all was there and drove me home, could have been worse). There have been no life triggers for relapse. This is exactly the kind of trigger I've been handling. But this touch broke a dam somehow. In the last two weeks I've reacted to a host of my classic triggers so noticeably that coworkers and acquaintances and strangers are asking if I'm ok, and circle of friends who know what's wrong are exchanging looks and starting to prepare contingency plans for me in social outings again. It's spiraling so fast and I know part of the reason is that I'm feeding it by panicking about it, but how the fuck do you not do that? I ended up nonfunctional before not just because of the severity of my issues but because I have a lot of ""daily life"" triggers. I'm in hospitality management, low levels of ""normal"" and friendly touching- without warning, I'm ok with handshakes- are basically constant. If I continue to slip at this pace back to where I was 6 years ago I unquestionably cannot keep my job as is. I can't even cook this week- one of my biggest things that had been so much more than a hobby and so healing it doesn't even make sense- because standing at the stove in our kitchen means you have your back to a door. [New apartment, we moved in last year and I said the door situation would be fine because it's a door exclusively to our own gated backyard, at the time I was OK enough for that knowledge to override the problem and I thought it was a good idea, immersion therapy wise or some shit.] Like I said I know this isn't how it works but I'm so mad at myself that there's no *cause* for this. I've felt validated (enough) in the past for back slides after difficult life events and literal triggers like wrapping up legal and practical issues relating to my trauma. But everything is going fucking great lately. It just feels like my brain said ""pushing 3 years feeling safe? Long enough buddy!"" and shut that shit down because I don't deserve it. I know this can be gotten back under control. Therapy is once a month now, I haven't been back since this started but it's next week. I know it will help. I remember this hopelessness before and I can still remember the difference after letting treatment work. I just feel like I either failed, or somewhere deep in my subconscious, gave up. I can't help but wonder if I subconsciously shut down whatever autonomic part of me has been constantly keeping vigilance because I want to be the old me again, and wallow in it because getting better is so exhausting, and affects my loved ones daily while me just being locked up lets them fucking live. [The fact that I have this pathetic narcissistic tendency is the other reason I ended up nonfunctional before, I'm aware of it. I leaned in back then and that weakness is always there.] That's all. Hope y'all out there are doing better.",5.5033801776480535,6.977681346197508,5.896272633911682,77.69650271156516,68.11464245175937,8.771857377078716,32.485829594796684,9.150863307647796,2.954269754788029,3730,163,659,70,63,1197,393,881,0.115,0.76,0.125,-0.4687,2,0,1,0,0,1,111.0,3,5,2,9,46,50,12,3,41,3,71,29,6,21,9,141,134,62,0,12,28,0,8,6,2,2,11,5,10,0,54,37,5,5,29,5,1,8,20,26,0,6,34,15,70,24,97,89,20,134,0,4,1,8,26,61,9,16,67,461,124,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830534967778929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03898018412609603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03583757605125875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04379531472394188,0.10658970539396954,0.0,0.2881775943420818,0.0,0.19990107614739053,0.0,0.15945227067940665,0.0,0.0,0.08286414931290664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05229637936299154,0.0,0.0,0.04776330453256367,0.048124436917226836,0.0,0.0,0.04911784456572549,0.10124922024816536,0.10508505277817,0.0748065116968354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04894480170214064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04794041053562704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298449358056009,0.14521540603751587,0.0,0.06188357040788845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042102768333297264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474834031161722,0.0669345440409342,0.0449801519055018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238724555438793,0.25985396174360903,0.048950905457879335,0.0,0.02662404342536731,0.03929276606345988,0.03746756332849528,0.05164862154609697,0.0,0.0,0.04142635756293148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280067385615369,0.0,0.04699103191747447,0.046529315864785016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05288419078106829,0.0,0.0977915093765052,0.04648809365448565,0.08327894955233388,0.0,0.048783600195015375,0.20596564740690945,0.11455887129336287,0.05284508680277366,0.04960386179416863,0.0,0.14371168902433853,0.1654459501773652,0.1373215064863178,0.0,0.12409940961999445,0.04145783076821743,0.03933940605957974,0.0,0.0,0.03982736549964186,0.04228095072771073,0.04432745399426933,0.031270517501600245,0.0,0.0,0.051029759659923464,0.05203609205071097,0.04719309377856151,0.0472104271796679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03739256685183237,0.14937179632923778,0.034437694355738506,0.03473621388618234,0.1445241665998659,0.045244807985440984,0.04982196740872062,0.0,0.09179958464215107,0.044950645491870576,0.053335246861703496,0.04915770207473008,0.04989017704321037,0.09523355256728012,0.035629005242985526,0.0,0.10992895242724306,0.0,0.10146076175785664,0.08944089896061276,0.032477583996542034,0.0,0.04894480170214064,0.0,0.04428524746505269,0.0528125841273791,0.08973232481093579,0.04765990736756871,0.0,0.044825938568208025,0.05476125293554631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371869926269508,0.0,0.030011177825128563,0.1926647255278049,0.0,0.0,0.10613629490732583,0.04000680214120137,0.17824765238382126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052923405274757016,0.0961748717331007,0.07750410278149722,0.05265762241495549,0.0,0.04775428282497586,0.0,0.03606485702440062,0.0,0.0,0.13263326296666073,0.0,0.03741181297837206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04869162974496925,0.035222867396607536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26786626226651805,0.0,0.06224569487535755,0.060034911992520326,0.0,0.11157307484282564,0.02731667132373685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03180581536584907,0.0,0.09152478341381914,0.048769037955671515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02763138105232229,0.07436941580824158,0.1503102989458882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04515852032788936,0.0508032177169515,0.06820987068784366,0.0,0.047740761252574405,0.03327853187434335,0.051219481998692015,0.0,0.18100632602830768 ptsd,SloppyBoobLizard,2018/11/18,"Jekyll and Hyde I’ve been in a relationship with an incredibly kind, funny and wonderful man for almost 4 years. He has ptsd and agoraphobia, mostly untreated for the majority of our time together. I finally convinced him to get some counseling maybe 6 months ago, and now he talks to a nice woman in the phone once a week, who seems helpful, and he has made some great strides recently in getting out more. There’s obviously a large pile of issues between the agoraphobia and the ptsd, but what I’m curious about today is the personality shift that tends to happen when he gets triggered and depersonalizes/derealizes. It starts with visible agitation and anxiety, which quickly progresses to becoming argumentative and aggressive and eventually be completely unable to listen to logic or follow any train of thought, mine or his. I spent years trying to talk things over or find any way to pacify him in those moments, but I generally found that once I realized what was happening, he was too far gone and too far into victim mode, and any words that came out of my mouth would just end up getting twisted and make things worse. Of course, one of his big triggers is abandonment issues, so as soon as I start to realize that he’s in that place and try to extricate myself from the situation, it tends to escalate things. My latest “solution” has been to just freeze and go comatose while he rages at me and calls me an asshole for ignoring his pain, and wait for him to get some sleep. It almost always happens late at night when he’s overtired, and the only reset button tends to be sleep. Yes, sometimes this is made worse by alcohol but it’s also been known to happen when he’s dead sober. When he wakes up in the morning he can usually barely remember what has happened, is absolutely horrified at the way he’s made me feel, and completely wracked with guilt. I’m always incredibly upset and angry the next day, when it feels safe to do so, but it generally fades throughout the day as it feels useless to be angry at someone who isn’t there anymore and who is punishing himself far more than I could. He is the biggest, sweetest puppy dog, the type of guy who will spend a few minutes investigating each log before putting it into the fire to make sure no bugs will be burnt alive. Animals love him. I have never met someone more kind, more attuned to my needs and understanding of my feelings. He has the most healing hands, he can take away the most debilitating pain with a simple head massage (I get the type of menstrual cramps that leave me screaming and throwing up on the bathroom floor). And yet - every now and then he leaves and in his place there is a man who is my nightmare. I know that at this point I have my own trauma to deal with from these nights. He’s never hurt me and I’m generally not physically frightened, but he has punched a few holes in the wall and there have been bad nights where he uses his size (we have a 14-inch, 100-lb difference) to try and stop me from leaving his house, towering over me and getting obvious pleasure from intimidating me, physically holding my car door closed so I cannot leave, or getting into my car with me and refusing to get out. I feel stupid as I write this, I feel like every stereotype of a girl blinded by love. Maybe I just needed to vent, or see this all written out. But I am still so curious about how, if possible, I can derail nights like these. He claims that all he needs is hugs. Sometimes I’m able to push past all of my feelings of wanting to stay away and try to squeeze the bad out of him. Sometimes it works for a second, but it’s never long before he turns on me again and accuses me of god knows what. It’s so hard to keep track of reality and not get pulled down the rabbit hole of incoherent thought on nights like that. Has anyone out there experienced issues like this, on either end, and found anything in the moment that’s been able to snap them out of it? It happened a couple nights ago and it was the first time I’ve encountered that side of him in many months, so I have hope that therapy is working and that things are on the upswing. But in the meantime, I’d be so grateful for any insight into anything helpful someone in my position can do. I saw a therapist for a while but she mostly just wanted to talk about my personal issues (I’ve been battling chronic depression for most of my life) and never seemed to want to touch much on the subject of how to help the person who affects my life the most. Sorry this is such a rant, and thanks to anyone who managed to read this far.",9.003461538461538,7.058253395927602,8.740085972850679,71.76300226244345,61.420814479638004,11.962171945701359,37.82398190045249,10.63217841822275,3.806398280542987,3638,139,693,69,40,1177,391,884,0.142,0.75,0.107,-0.9893,2,0,1,0,0,0,81.0,2,0,1,4,39,36,6,2,45,1,51,18,6,11,10,160,123,76,1,10,22,0,13,4,0,3,9,2,1,8,53,60,1,8,24,1,2,10,9,19,0,3,22,19,62,17,125,92,23,123,0,4,3,3,70,56,0,21,58,460,115,6,0.10251505498693414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087341084144432,0.05477870848100077,0.10265401930040226,0.0,0.0,0.040990626217691,0.08530073805896025,0.0,0.0,0.13942750556428307,0.0,0.03921186823447996,0.0,0.050833693965014005,0.07168091004061711,0.0,0.08436115540547214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963162687494762,0.0,0.08559578885738252,0.0,0.0566099120171243,0.08723276120330574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05233966650596677,0.0586249562913948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748508472325917,0.0,0.0,0.04092496484056105,0.05671547923776692,0.0,0.06611372960767352,0.052844260135285134,0.0441480333217324,0.0,0.0,0.05355320662206671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079791063803487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637335526455854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814214221195224,0.03661838788307114,0.0,0.05615011592094297,0.04684845152062257,0.04359962670102304,0.0,0.11240246644854834,0.0,0.0,0.2677994253890718,0.0,0.02913083410472196,0.0,0.0,0.0565116050165157,0.0,0.05075301091552509,0.2719611736913328,0.0,0.04591667662970056,0.0,0.052605011005337085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307052064968923,0.0,0.0,0.050910290364528286,0.0,0.05914430476008505,0.05487224331515581,0.0,0.0,0.2139981663178221,0.0,0.04556004557731971,0.0,0.10675365432720477,0.056339593220517376,0.0,0.05782072363337853,0.21709728245149854,0.0,0.0,0.07240941506762781,0.10016735526234807,0.0,0.0,0.04536129885139407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925238395806795,0.1455033356084537,0.06842959524622651,0.05196708769131314,0.10299015169428924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08182653883989648,0.0,0.03768018047440133,0.11402042146389982,0.15813186051719375,0.0,0.05451296199327325,0.2886103036348808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091751878316296,0.034733427184811386,0.03898365941143147,0.10908324635488977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04893110990264365,0.0,0.13426828773688138,0.10710641324413342,0.0,0.048454931378373485,0.0577851606638569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11983461333391435,0.05152797255502513,0.0,0.0,0.05127139850836227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061062464560647,0.05503140193381861,0.05806478659228111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04084561307783713,0.09332585586390624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0576156085088715,0.10258909013362497,0.0,0.13029101012475264,0.0,0.1520850160278696,0.057378605513351465,0.0725606835618443,0.05463370427699093,0.0409343276683303,0.04285358814468772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048309613054671866,0.0,0.038539281597082906,0.12359657699584793,0.0,0.04719104464997948,0.058617449826595815,0.05951394009350167,0.13621289465141914,0.0,0.0,0.0813855026168636,0.059777352967115324,0.0,0.04858614267843026,0.0,0.0,0.13920198614237098,0.055753470943345575,0.0,0.05336089381449601,0.0,0.04427004634726423,0.05645292492511535,0.0,0.09069905325717298,0.08137167896559214,0.04111569674886288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05558660206693111,0.0746321809789002,0.0,0.1044715991378531,0.03641187688104981,0.0,0.0,0.06601633432348193 ptsd,Shadowed-Heart,2018/11/18,"Some things I've realized that help me with flash backs. What helps during a flashback? *If you realize that you are in the middle of a flashback, consider the following tips:* ▪Tell yourself that you are having a flashback. Remind yourself that the actual event is over and that you survived. ▪Breathe. Take slow, deep breaths by placing your hand on your stomach and taking deep breaths. You should see your hand move out with the inhalations, and watch it fall in with the exhalations. When we panic, our body begins to take short, shallow breaths, and the decrease in oxygen can make you feel more panicked. Deep breathing is important because it increases the oxygen in your system and helps you move out of anxious state faster. Return to the present by using the five senses. Look around you. Make a list of the items in the room; count the colors or pieces of furniture around you. What do you see? ▪Breathe in a comforting scent, or focus on the smells around you. What do you smell? ▪Listen to the noises around you, or turn on music. What do you hear? ▪Eat or drink something you enjoy. Focus on the flavor. What do you taste? ▪Hold something cold, like a piece of ice, or hot, like a mug of tea. What does it feel like? ▪Recognize what would make you feel safer. Wrap yourself in a blanket, or go into a room by yourself and close the door. Do whatever it takes for you to feel secure. 1) Remind yourself again that the flashback is simply a flashback, that you're safe, and that it isn't really happening. 2) Take deep breaths. Put your hand on your stomach and focus on the rise and fall of your chest. Focus on making your breathing as even as possible. 3) Use grounding: Identify and desrcibe five things that are in the room you are physically in. Identify four things that you can hear in the room you are physically in. Identify and focus on three things that you can feel in the room you are physically in. Identify two things you can smell in the room you are physically in. Identify and focus on what you can taste. Then, while doing one or all of these, make yourself feel safe. Mainly, go to a safe place and grab a few things that comfort you. Maybe call someone you trust. **If anyone has anything to add to this, feel free to put it in the comments ^.^** ",2.8291116231438838,5.395936877880188,3.179628264208912,89.44404557091656,78.83870967741936,6.161925243215567,23.69974398361495,7.3871296695380915,1.0681962724014331,1791,61,346,25,45,552,185,434,0.021,0.847,0.131,0.9933,0,0,3,0,0,0,70.0,2,36,0,1,8,13,0,1,35,0,26,17,13,7,1,58,56,27,0,4,9,0,12,3,0,2,0,2,7,0,34,26,4,4,9,1,1,11,1,1,0,6,0,28,39,13,58,54,9,73,0,0,5,0,45,49,0,10,14,234,73,0,0.0,0.0,0.08899213098393219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10302319537238132,0.0,0.06376492351933816,0.0,0.07504484275359823,0.3247277649136244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701225111312139,0.0,0.05559097965976574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129590962493537,0.0,0.0,0.0931192092815094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07980443182286458,0.0,0.0,0.08933534373402374,0.0,0.09331416766078984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060232737589103275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227727744992597,0.06514896927068613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365523583278057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064250035716568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20556439729583506,0.0,0.18337612797052089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365825874320214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657994218755669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30436331687630835,0.0,0.09161657046918334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19384945314155266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179537415886671,0.0,0.0,0.10699644027247518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905565162348767,0.0,0.0,0.10280746570308978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833501961521384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058421173399214786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533952722045215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726832979803169,0.1404111013647877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428324699192214,0.0,0.07970752347889358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36351121120841584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991928201978912,0.08908322881062067,0.0,0.0,0.1575245692573552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06478155880554749,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lywitch,2018/11/18,"Could this be catatonia? Sometimes I'll stop and just stand somewhere or stare until I get snapped out of it. I don't know for how long but it can't be for more than 10 minutes. I just found out about catatonia and I show a few other symptoms. When I dissociate it's usually a lot more violent and delusional so I thought maybe it was something else. I haven't brought it up with my therapist because I just had a meeting with her before learning about this, am I just looking too deep into things? ",2.8242555555555526,4.879349270000001,3.847333333333335,87.26922222222224,76.3,7.2444444444444445,30.11111111111111,8.167268648758528,2.185577777777778,397,19,80,7,9,128,70,100,0.087,0.9129999999999999,0.0,-0.8294,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,10,1,1,0,3,0,9,1,0,1,0,22,15,9,0,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,8,0,1,4,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,5,2,11,0,13,7,4,12,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,2,5,62,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057743967065513,0.0,0.22414969579184452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103181945123632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22005231044868812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2888247295299457,0.0,0.0,0.1376252657973102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447678888896236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23311703534331354,0.22120515094114573,0.0,0.0,0.22394894278763744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26463923477130546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279238912939004,0.26052757860619696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22022961588556791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27379262643146696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3058491186870039,0.1750035105955418,0.0,0.0,0.2091248219338153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29011820270214983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,meandthecrowbar,2018/11/18,"Struggling I am sober for the first time maybe ever. I used drugs and alcohol to forget what I went through. I was 13 when it started, and 18 with 2 boys when I was finally free, and was home and safe. I has been drinking and drugging ever since, to be able to sleep, to be able to function, I thought I was doing great, thought I got ever it, until I failed a drug test and lost custody of my 2 boys. I was functioning, barely, but was always drunk or on pills and negligent to my children at times. I deserved losing custody. I changed my whole life, I got full custody back, and have a 3rd son now. I have the life i always wanted. A home, a car, a living understanding husband who works hard enough to allow me to be a stay at home mom. I'm completely sober, and actually taking my medicines prescribed to me for ptsd, Bi polar, borderline personality disorder and generalized anxiety. I can remember everything now. I can hear a noise and be right back in the hell I lived, I can smell it. I have nightmares, i can barely leave the house my anxiety is so bad. The only thing I can do is stay in my house and take care of my children. I take pride in the fact that I do that very well. When it comes to being a functional member of society I can't. People make me anxious, just being in a store with strangers is hard, making phone calls is hard. Driving puts me into a panic attack, I feel like I am 18 again and just stepped off that plane returning to the United States after escaping my hell. I feel like a lost terrified child. I thought I was past this. Apparently I just avoided it with all the send medicating. It's been 13 years almost, and I feel like it was yesterday. I am seeing a psychiatrist and am about to start seeing a therapist that specializes in my particular situation. I feel so terrible. I feel like a burdon to my wonderful beautiful family. I want to be normal. I hate myself some days. I just needed to say that. I just want to be ok.",3.1293653846153866,4.823552971794872,4.745176282051284,82.74930288461537,74.41025641025641,8.157051282051281,26.54647435897436,8.841846274778883,2.038724358974359,1529,56,307,32,32,515,197,390,0.184,0.6859999999999999,0.13,-0.9789,1,1,5,0,0,0,51.0,0,0,0,7,20,25,4,3,22,1,39,12,1,4,5,58,73,23,0,5,7,3,8,4,0,0,8,2,3,6,16,20,3,2,11,2,2,7,1,13,1,1,18,13,55,13,38,47,5,46,2,4,2,1,15,12,2,4,28,212,71,3,0.15737025298348864,0.0,0.07678533298998867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409047054466859,0.07879178813850897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094465715038414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12038781279104455,0.088891796104863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951569073803951,0.0,0.12100801065830448,0.06569879394067725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034631167261443,0.0,0.08022473054711465,0.0,0.08323843055282155,0.06778026921539076,0.08249985807941511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074539712907344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017997191920303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708146822139413,0.2737492975682882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08130276952611189,0.0,0.0,0.2135256051608694,0.0,0.0,0.07071711804453469,0.0,0.07417733445949175,0.0,0.1989278208887211,0.22485068035093525,0.0,0.08619570997310813,0.0,0.06692952839756222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258633673570974,0.0867506297400468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145925400804735,0.07768527217854407,0.0,0.0,0.08868385621700044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367827923928556,0.0,0.0,0.1815841430083301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331618771939059,0.0,0.0,0.11115526367352932,0.15376631305842628,0.0,0.1389608165411092,0.0,0.0,0.08802852966838856,0.17178822104319044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504586586651993,0.0,0.07904978556078361,0.0,0.0,0.07926698684527966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215506915554778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058344024278010866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07709471752768532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059843584384567085,0.0,0.0923200422804666,0.0,0.0,0.0751138566440153,0.054550359327996414,0.06870481742577852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197870214740757,0.07910028510196943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913490956644544,0.06719666809572274,0.0,0.06257357077595999,0.0,0.0,0.12540371683250182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650891497436323,0.08844537895428495,0.07874195194906806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138747504196016,0.16773575090197188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225877858175526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17748426791092803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135949651250967,0.05227490170502075,0.0,0.0,0.187401603661578,0.09176386005272306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191399165793344,0.0,0.06795868562083568,0.0,0.06492346992877157,0.1392315787984838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074737841988127,0.07294190057039608,0.0,0.08784913372016745,0.0,0.0,0.08533066319752138,0.05728370922132343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05067064166747521 ptsd,Angergetic,2019/08/16,"My Iraq war deployment and why being thanked for my service weirds me out Hope this is ok. It was a therapeutic exercise for me. I've always been weird about it when people thank me for my service, and I dug into myself to figure out why. I've never really talked about it, and it's been a decade now. I suffered no combat related PTSD during my deployment. It was more just the anxiety and having to process things after I got back. [https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/thank-you-your-service-glenn-raul-robinson/](https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/thank-you-your-service-glenn-raul-robinson/)",11.474285714285712,15.137765919540234,7.160591133004927,65.86137931034483,56.471264367816104,8.649589490968804,26.221674876847292,9.23628265651192,2.3282295566502467,493,12,65,8,7,132,59,87,0.17800000000000002,0.7120000000000001,0.11,-0.6666,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,3,1,7,1,0,0,1,11,11,5,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,5,0,11,4,11,5,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,5,50,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16895723896487802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533579526528882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15613603348458324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16240087605143608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20167849166663546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566078040666951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14077211391703146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373593225808569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300816262697713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632071567797715,0.0,0.7477795657446857,0.0,0.0,0.13490009064054104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664494007780552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Cakeman1337,2019/08/16,"Panic attack after the best day of my life? Not sure if i have ptsd but 4 years ago had my first panic attack when in bed from a movie. After 2 years i felt like i completely got over it but then one day, it was the best time ive had in my life. When i went to bed that night i suddenly felt all the innocent chlidish aura in me again but when i went to sleep i had a nightmare with that same movie and next day got a stomach ache. Was this caused back then because i reached the peak of joy, so to speak? Does it mean if i experience peak joy again that its gonna happen again?",4.379211428571431,3.6156943040000016,5.062285714285714,90.574,69.96,8.422857142857143,25.057142857142853,7.447530270364453,0.7861542857142858,448,9,110,4,7,145,74,125,0.125,0.6809999999999999,0.19399999999999998,0.912,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,8,10,2,2,7,0,7,4,2,1,2,15,16,12,0,2,6,0,2,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,8,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,4,0,2,11,3,14,6,13,4,4,28,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,23,71,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295853047687625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33261596427729795,0.0,0.1124082153043301,0.0,0.08911379113164693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3068269351738284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501735644297129,0.0,0.0,0.15327351898634228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828341443755727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12792858683851588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429982194621031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28072348157994376,0.0,0.0,0.1243459635011219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338370231827896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927203256976222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065113663673998,0.07141922559834432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15923970005722982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155470752739141,0.13718590806569347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905959742747274,0.0,0.0,0.3430361720058692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170883922446982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629184035043252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13777882601707225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852423875233339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710322670183133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882783252837559 ptsd,KQ2KD,2019/08/16,"Reluctant pride in being a veteran Very few know I struggle with being a veteran. My time in the Army, albeit short-lived, was enough to affect me permanently and while I have a disability rating from the VA and get some monetary compensation and medical support I have always felt like I didn’t deserve any of it. I have false pride in being an Army veteran, I announce it as if it’s something to tout, but inside hate that I am a vet and am associated with the Army even though I know so many are proud. I struggle to be proud of my career field, EOD, because while I feel a deep connection with the people in the field I also always felt left behind. This article touches very lightly on some of that, and the issues within the military run deep enough that nearly all of us vets know SOMEONE who is a suicide statistic because they felt so trapped. I know too many. I know it’s not all women’s issues, but those issues were always ignored when I was in. Hope they work to improve these stats. We want to stop saying goodbye to friends like this. And we don’t want to join them. [Why women veterans are 250% more likely than civilian women to commit suicide](https://www.militarytimes.com/education-transition/2019/08/14/why-women-veterans-are-250-more-likely-than-civilian-women-to-commit-suicide/) Any other vets out there feel conflicted?",6.5216355810616955,8.016330235772356,6.554342419894791,73.84491391678623,65.7479674796748,8.877666188426593,31.137254901960787,9.168548406835145,2.8478563366810143,1082,41,177,19,17,344,138,246,0.122,0.723,0.156,0.6922,0,1,1,0,0,4,49.0,3,0,3,5,8,14,1,2,14,0,17,1,0,1,3,38,33,17,1,4,4,0,6,3,1,0,1,1,0,3,13,12,0,3,10,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,7,8,23,10,28,22,8,18,0,0,0,0,12,12,0,4,8,123,36,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925551202472681,0.2889082503753164,0.0,0.0,0.15741073916198622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110483363024492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391752506300474,0.0,0.07644343082836429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704056748784752,0.0,0.3333780298881306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941839266739046,0.0,0.06046799062644585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426667598081815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149533071655932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623991844693866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31803111505995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12574897385661699,0.0,0.0,0.169630275259546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346790226929473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659320805375208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023770863083803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092038989325884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806388453457328,0.08910026959039795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967616103909792,0.0,0.24198762352731584,0.0,0.25319576087325857,0.13133737786631225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371136275817402,0.0,0.06748738190229099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13921778660008072,0.0,0.0,0.1909908762333017,0.13652978018192194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443496026814096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08425817219934006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jdelac25,2019/08/16,"Need some supporting advice Hey folks, first time posting and I like this group a lot because it helps me get a better idea of how to help my wife who has PTSD. I could really need some advice and words of encouragement. It's been a hard morning ontop of a hard week. My wife has PTSD from her time in military and has been taking medication to help deal with the trauma, anxiety, and depression. The medication has had a side affect of weight gain and she hates how she looks. I still find her beautiful and lovely, but she gets aggressive about her weight and starts throwing fits some mornings and will sometimes punch her self in the face. All the while calling herself fat and no one wants her. I've tried to calm her down in the past but that has ended poorly multiple times. Now, I just sit and making sure she doesn't hurt herself or anyone in immediate area. Though I know she wouldn't hit anyone intentionally, PTSD episodes can come with different results Is there anything I can say or do to make her feel reassured in her self image? Are there any methods you've tried, or someone else has tried, that pulled you out of those funks? I'm not asking for any quick fixes or anything but something I can do to help because I feel like I've done everything I can and I'm just out of ideas and steam at this point. Sincerely, A PTSD spouse",5.547332734620569,6.337426961832062,5.463336326897171,83.34320386169736,67.54961832061069,8.760125729681183,28.00718455321061,8.841846274778883,1.9325722496632245,1072,33,213,17,17,334,153,262,0.054000000000000006,0.7829999999999999,0.163,0.9832,1,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,3,11,15,2,0,11,0,22,7,2,7,2,52,43,23,0,5,10,3,6,2,0,2,3,1,0,2,8,17,3,0,6,0,1,3,4,5,0,2,4,8,28,10,25,35,5,30,0,2,1,1,35,13,0,8,14,133,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18826612202605608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101610235521413,0.0,0.07369257767835778,0.0,0.0,0.1347130669631969,0.0,0.15854360625151726,0.0,0.09005602464926908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744437148402727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519650926248859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836422270384716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298020602608287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691207499889485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099312527564054,0.08296932845570752,0.0,0.0,0.10064488168027563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09857955856936283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080471781550572,0.0,0.0853202408351752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865756523666012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741520210968743,0.06881853670916385,0.0,0.0,0.08804434239525705,0.08193868392598798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065743279403573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17258643424139922,0.09510643680217412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582732453656149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312380498443488,0.2174908443314812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052940729895129886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412444421629763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08089336825458132,0.0,0.0,0.08189675612013435,0.08694204768090621,0.0,0.12860272897548175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940857118341024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428557074506512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527604768909179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195837331254998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106347020110657,0.0,0.0922580018655762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4504208521184515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061711792391707126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660588921942219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20098746493064773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162052984396542,0.07415993408505543,0.0952733391017315,0.0,0.06818323189551624,0.0,0.07692967097031221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931472295477072,0.09079036712441987,0.0,0.07242855621614586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464423851504024,0.0,0.16851328788749995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19620628215359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05681823155801977,0.0,0.07727052580986424,0.2346092229884085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheLoveTank,2019/08/16,"Dealing with some major triggers Hey guys... I'm dealing with a lot of triggers right now. Not flashback level... but I'm sinking into some serious depression. Is there a community here? First time I've posted. I'll make it through this, I mean I'm going to bed right now and I assume I'll feel like myself in the morning, but I know there's rough times ahead. I know I'm in for some losses coming soon. Figured I'd check out this subreddit.",0.9791624106230864,3.467153494382025,2.812645556690501,89.30812053115423,87.08988764044943,5.034116445352401,22.6976506639428,6.574015621080383,0.7435303370786515,347,13,68,4,11,115,61,89,0.121,0.84,0.039,-0.7783,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,3,0,22,12,3,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,6,0,1,2,1,3,0,1,0,2,5,1,11,12,5,17,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,5,8,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057725517698011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4925461913926941,0.20574557780190705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078407417415005,0.17065474509977968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20318980739587408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357600745439577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23652712862434355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625625942565744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11670389842255825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20308583571378525,0.0,0.0,0.1594531574043515,0.0,0.0,0.26020855903467555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287794327612956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4080016212548627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27858378052898203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway49912201,2019/08/16,"I’m in an IOP program, and all of a sudden I’m having panic attacks just thinking about physical intimacy (Trigger warning) TW: sex and sexual assault, domestic violence I’m in an intensive outpatient program for PTSD right now. I’ve been talking a lot about the trauma with my family, but not my sexual assault trauma or my domestic violence trauma. I had an EMDR session last week, but we covered the domestic violence which was separate from the sexual assaults. Different people. Over the past few days, I’ve just become increasingly scared of intimacy- first just of sex, now I’m having a panic attack thinking about just cuddling. I’m out of here and I see my fiancé again in 2 weeks and I don’t know what to do. I’m completely away from anyone who hurt me, and I’ll never have to be near those people again. I just don’t understand how processing unrelated trauma could make me more scared of sex. I thought that would only happen from processing my sexual trauma",5.206861826697889,7.0294785737704935,6.853212334113977,69.21012295081968,69.27322404371584,10.47447306791569,31.650663544106173,10.608840637214634,4.024367993754879,781,34,125,24,14,269,106,183,0.319,0.6809999999999999,0.0,-0.997,1,0,0,0,3,0,19.0,1,0,0,1,14,15,5,4,10,0,12,4,0,3,2,30,26,9,0,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,15,0,1,4,1,13,0,22,19,5,21,0,1,1,4,3,8,0,2,12,88,18,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052661144604962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35965616547023666,0.14851249525116936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457651544787464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657339755971535,0.0,0.0,0.12620648049286376,0.0,0.0,0.10194243487500246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16515009244869294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490148568175386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445473827958382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397812748934178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921780464647426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687144632209813,0.12884860446163468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438593814889369,0.0,0.0,0.10551332678260468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191376124215793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202197844327292,0.0,0.3709234898249296,0.0,0.0,0.15089623635550833,0.21917244785995413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847760266748857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499139525387036,0.0,0.0,0.31651241401792385,0.0,0.12596177150573806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270511291773608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202570465522598,0.0,0.1254903686348078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16455702846704368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2535893384344677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122887911376339,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Mantisface01,2019/08/16,"Black out/turn into little girl Anyone else still have to talk to/be around the person that caused your ptsd? I (39F) have to be aroubd my ex hubs because we share 3 kids together and the entire time im with him i have complete brain fog, almost complete black out memories.he used to beat me(bad) when he thought i was lying. Im in a new relationship now but when ever i sense that new bf thinks im lying or he accuses me of something , I have a hard time articulating what i want to say. I laugh for no reason, cant recall or even make sense of the question hes asking me(making me appear more guilty) I feel like a child, powerless. My brain shuts down, I cant even process words...He'll ask me a question about the day before but I cant even recall! I basically turn into an idiot who looks completely guilty!! At work and other aspects of my life I'm great at being pressure but I think my new bf triggers me with his insecurity and im thinking of breaking it off although I love him. Hes now asking me questions why i stayed in an abusive relationship for so long, and although he says no judgement there clearly is.the guilt and worthless feeling that comes with that is awful. Does anyone else have memory loss, feel substantially small when they are triggered? I have so much anger but it comes out as jumbled thoughts, lame reasonings... I cant even explain my blackouts...",4.40422222222222,5.8318307925925925,5.0150000000000015,83.15250000000003,70.7037037037037,7.474074074074074,27.94444444444445,7.908726449838941,1.7035333333333336,1094,39,211,14,20,351,159,270,0.215,0.691,0.094,-0.9896,1,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,1,1,1,3,16,13,2,3,10,1,17,4,2,7,2,46,39,19,0,1,6,1,4,1,2,0,1,2,0,4,9,16,0,0,14,0,0,3,6,8,0,0,3,9,34,5,26,34,2,33,0,3,3,1,33,14,0,7,15,125,43,1,0.0,0.10425407290204862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08810953782280026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12304967496526943,0.18031284447553567,0.0,0.07832998872942629,0.2467770531447607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346819391193987,0.053638047382433975,0.0,0.07487323268013385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19645246636827066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039023771943834,0.0,0.15159164007230436,0.2767683487413274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05674644012161805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700087175367958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700914747014476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23246695435492154,0.07959223005568895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13347156174034525,0.06286026117987148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700957514501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788219922371035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3801783312342196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215012465277135,0.042987597744568506,0.08818935899259371,0.0,0.07786861350537669,0.07388965966673036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07941464736210907,0.0,0.05873418353841973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468296729743721,0.0,0.0,0.254944631751757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682970335618751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285590830230452,0.0,0.2957076948753785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809372894124676,0.0,0.18893722518317466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13994677697376715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773920296169107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378591245037306,0.07026913737082509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707232400627599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16914182214130855,0.0,0.13970887978703925,0.1026156594373561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914162773289814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0759953355871398,0.0,0.0,0.05189893662821729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939752598304285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405795912886103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,crazybitchgang,2019/08/16,"triggered by dorm rooms?? So a few years ago I ended up in a residential psychiatric facility because of i wanted to die. everyone else was there for drugs so i refer to the facility as rehab, even though i was not there for drugs. my whole stay was an absolutely terrifying experience and i have ptsd from it but it’s usually very manageable. but a few weeks ago i went to college orientation and the dorm rooms are sooo similar to my room in rehab. the mattress, the furniture, the awkward roommate situation, people talking in the hall, just everything. i spent the night in the dorm room and i woke up and thought i was back in rehab. i felt the mattress and opened my eyes and saw the blurry outline of the dresser and i heard people yelling in the hall and genuinely thought that i was back there. i cannot even explain how scared i was. so now i have to live in a dorm for 9 months and it sounds so stupid to say that i’m triggered by residence halls but i am. my friend from rehab went to a different college and said the dorms were triggering for her too. i don’t know how i’m going to cope. like my room is going to be a trigger. does anyone have any advice? how the hell do you make a residence hall not feel like a psych ward?",2.9918990015360976,4.810171181451615,4.431843317972351,84.32252688172046,75.08870967741936,7.949615975422428,26.72887864823349,8.704169506293173,1.9579798003072204,975,37,200,20,21,324,127,248,0.106,0.85,0.044000000000000004,-0.9423,1,0,2,0,1,0,21.0,0,1,0,0,19,7,2,2,23,0,17,7,1,8,0,33,36,22,1,1,6,0,2,2,1,0,6,5,13,0,5,11,0,0,7,0,1,4,4,4,0,0,17,9,24,3,29,18,3,35,1,0,2,0,8,19,1,0,13,135,29,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13829812418520065,0.25090952643823783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624291932498956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895866693247644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21765038960324914,0.0,0.08627328218989337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688223331703662,0.14786514106130247,0.0,0.0,0.12385085330023694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3282517741055285,0.0,0.1182272871881333,0.0,0.1253505318487541,0.0,0.0,0.186953926658554,0.0,0.0,0.13523470061653298,0.12719495354298388,0.13844014022567058,0.0,0.0,0.07156008512794136,0.10110660838629808,0.13588769951385765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934307528791748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16086562003752086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777930047848465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382854645859963,0.0,0.12497055234286016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447008304524036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296515625577774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281309670176533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196233404650568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16543698428456555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13462417533110066,0.11254760725478903,0.14169278397756074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15908179205064918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084849067263914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113753694347126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904913439238148,0.22471257248354706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558715198192395,0.11677424037895474,0.08347603657451419,0.0,0.11352407601861962,0.0,0.0,0.2623930926751195,0.0,0.15800935885553452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09113846959697748 ptsd,agentgrizzly1212,2019/08/16,Went to an inpatient ward for suicide I can't sleep or get their voices out of my head. I close my eyes and it's nightmare after nightmare and I wake up and it's been minutes. I feel like someone is always watching me outsid my room like they did inside there I'm 18 and I don't know what to do,-0.935350427350425,1.1795000461538478,1.3866666666666705,97.98444444444449,94.69230769230772,3.5042735042735047,17.991452991452988,5.033348758259628,-0.6392905982905979,233,7,53,1,9,78,48,65,0.073,0.846,0.081,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,6,4,4,0,0,9,11,5,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,11,2,7,8,0,6,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,1,3,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29761676615309723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808527542526313,0.25552524940561416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1868720031633562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3670808392779656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19657048604997407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494868277304076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.357936331419009,0.0,0.3030594261708626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3912417010774832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3315711085468805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GypsieWitch79,2019/08/16,I did it. I managed to shower today because I realized that I couldn't actually remember when the last time I washed my hair was. I hate feeling like this. When the things most people just do are accomplishments. I really don't like being like this around my kids but it's so hard.,2.0766666666666684,4.548534285714286,3.853571428571428,84.05809523809525,81.14285714285714,7.3047619047619055,21.833333333333336,8.344100000000001,1.4651761904761904,224,7,44,5,6,75,41,56,0.091,0.782,0.127,-0.0385,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,2,0,7,2,1,0,0,8,9,4,0,1,2,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,6,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,3,9,3,2,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,8,32,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.28996202389507203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2645141735797919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811314415581962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15024096740311202,0.2122741277857116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26617563049230525,0.2933604357835772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24220562374133206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4354971477474518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20599679625028852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19035302885622346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33659733924655266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19740405761188845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326248090101334,0.0,0.2816503307701303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Seitaie,2019/08/16,"Is this ptsd? Opinions, i know im not getting diagnosed here but I just want to know because I dont know what im feeling. I used be in a household with a great family and long story short bad divorce and now whenever i pass by my old family house it makes me feel really really bad, it makes me want to cry it makes me want to get away immediately, I dont want to be there heh, idk Just want some opinions not prescriptions. Im not looking for medical advice, thank you and sorry if ive posted this in the wrong place.",2.212436289500509,3.711249550458717,4.397553516819574,85.10552497451582,76.43119266055047,8.147196738022426,24.037716615698265,8.841846274778883,1.6545649337410802,407,13,88,9,9,141,68,109,0.18899999999999997,0.6629999999999999,0.14800000000000002,-0.8338,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,3,1,6,2,0,4,0,28,24,5,0,6,7,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,3,12,3,10,22,1,10,0,0,1,0,2,5,0,4,3,50,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126646177740353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176592528669575,0.0,0.216425544016322,0.07900455262743243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236238952291608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315439285280154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037866046811253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443556266584135,0.0,0.1310619549415099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13542403686157378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428873431999459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14954401967713785,0.0,0.0,0.4199792000767327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21367862733396195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11469423802562675,0.1088335573467397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595322604478331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305610021244436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13599614543446506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540715065212738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412348197856325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15149852422057047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16605351071785987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507951943542333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193206774236004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193504951859656,0.0,0.0,0.3822149080966147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170011674636096,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ASPKYE,2019/08/16,"Do i have ptsd? Three years ago I was accused of a crime that, I did not commit (harassment) the crime didn’t even take place, it was all invented by the person accusing me, to ruin my life. I plead not guilty and a trial date was set. It was between this point and the trial date that I was given the legal advice to change my plea to guilty ( the statements my accuser made were pretty damming and she was continuing to report me to the police whilst i was on bail) this was an attempt to avoid a prison sentence as people who plead guilty get a reduction in the sentence they receive and it was likely that my sentence would be reduced to one that would not warrant a custodial sentence if i plead guilty. My mental health wasn’t great at this time and after discussion with the lawyers and my family i agreed to plead guilty and hopefully avoid jail and put it behind me, ( which i did) so i got on with my life but since then i seem to have this thought pattern which is getting worse and worse, it seems that some days it’s the only way my brain works. I basically hypothetically go through scenarios in my head were I’m accused of things i haven’t done. This can literally happen dozens of times a day and some of these scenarios are completely ridiculous. I feel like I’m suffering from ptsd but at the moment i cant face the doctor, i guess i just need some clarification. Can anyone relate to this at all?",5.301646682653875,6.014382266187052,5.713908872901679,81.60493205435655,68.06474820143886,8.767705835331737,28.394084732214232,8.841846274778883,2.016699600319744,1122,36,223,18,18,360,150,278,0.128,0.78,0.092,-0.9439,0,2,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,2,3,10,2,2,18,0,28,7,3,1,3,39,45,16,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,2,4,0,0,1,22,12,0,2,6,0,0,3,7,6,0,3,20,1,31,4,30,22,5,27,0,2,0,0,6,9,0,8,15,157,53,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356279311941294,0.12303254360176825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704802106937713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494005246759238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14682569267109752,0.0,0.14552291204109882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902134948635384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206158287319914,0.0,0.14203449290725564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916721555361199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13084267014860682,0.0,0.0701784377710097,0.09915449111316324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502831653671333,0.0,0.07887985240035739,0.0,0.11100627421366134,0.15302092094532566,0.15289728469624825,0.0,0.12273511268896913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424427288522973,0.14753157601070974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378538003813076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19606867254119809,0.135615516020316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133027814325532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987174931294827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291402325758887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405043466477264,0.10555912300159888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622231270576066,0.12118960366485765,0.14501023275642252,0.0,0.13120523159259626,0.0,0.0,0.1412034377538077,0.0,0.0,0.3244856147356541,0.13952634706643055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25270576562339786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481186554108636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435584621660196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09220859404938693,0.0,0.0,0.11018696565414347,0.1618638437189757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016824995983812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104371537679653,0.0,0.282885971970414,0.19719061003691832,0.0,0.0,0.08937881230467093 ptsd,aintLikeYou,2019/10/07,"PTSD much later in life I have come to wonder if I have PTSD but from events that took place a long time ago. Like when I was a teenager (15-19yo) I am now about to turn 52. I know I should see a professional..but I am home couch-bond today b/c I did not sleep again last night due to pain from my peripheral nephropathy and am unable to do much else ...so surfing has brought me here. I am trying to find answers for my intractable peripheral nephropathy, RLS and insomnia. This is why I started considering PTSD. Briefly here is why I wonder about PTSD: I had a really messed up childhood. I was out of the house at 15, ended up living on the streets addicted to heroine for awhile and saw things no kid should see (now that I have kids I really recognize this). Oh and my older brother, who I was with through some of this died several years ago from HIV. I have always played down my experience somewhat like pointing out that a lot of people had it much worse than me or emphasizing what a ""wild"" childhood I had, etc. Maybe that is some way of remaining on-guard. Is it possible I would be suffering all this years later?",4.104176008968612,5.252974246636772,4.873427690582961,84.9467334641256,71.10762331838566,8.265582959641256,27.39041479820629,8.660442795831766,1.8183096412556048,879,30,183,15,16,284,135,223,0.11199999999999999,0.8240000000000001,0.064,-0.9145,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,8,0,25,6,1,0,1,25,36,9,1,4,4,1,0,2,0,3,5,0,1,2,13,8,0,0,5,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,10,3,25,3,28,22,9,37,0,1,3,1,4,11,0,8,24,124,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257102929956404,0.0,0.0,0.20443945250880902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09595125805170003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933360006938746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967868972084535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633082572611408,0.0,0.1021347992108039,0.0,0.12860662720569888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280012710057713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053957553818757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11567027531331568,0.0,0.0,0.1330579448070132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337406886084761,0.09399705746235047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145034414267646,0.1126740983939738,0.0,0.1018251943773316,0.10205008281738306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980366283600273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584934488107207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25430922187108546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821524858440168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12270321404347732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994485179616492,0.0,0.1204795565669826,0.0,0.10900988034476576,0.13000025529871162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5391879211915117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774739178343482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18378213599992455,0.0,0.0,0.13027304591650976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539820738592735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162049979025861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07661011441444647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672410620436917,0.0,0.10930506863029604,0.0,0.1281191283542046,0.07829126686115931,0.1254295285010367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09153162263532696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810757344498965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501082415232871,0.0,0.0,0.11751576359188295,0.08191641653429621,0.0,0.0,0.14851806618417265 ptsd,momentumbro,2019/10/07,"PTSD management through substances to alleviate harmful symptoms Hi, I would like to share with you people info about substance called Tianeptine, which is good medication to stave off/alleviate bad symptoms of cPTSD (too high stress, overload of Default Mode Network etc.). By any means I don't say that Tianeptine will take care of you so you can ignore psychotherapy and suddenly be fixed but it can really help out people who really need the emotional balance, to just be calm and get rid off the depression, anxiety, high stress to work it out better and don't ruin their organisms which are pretty much important in the future aspect. Theraupetic dosage is 12.5mg tianeptine sodium 1-3x daily and no more (max 50. which is guideline in therapeutic usage of Tianeptine). There is aswell Tianeptine sulfate which is theoretically longer acting version of Tianeptine (dosage should be 50 mg max aswell.) I have cPTSD aswell and I find it helpful, suddenly I no longer feel stress and it's a lot easier to just function). I advice going for psychotherapy first and above all. MEDITATION is aswell very good tool to take the edge off of the Default Mode Network which is overactive in PTSD/cPTSD people. You combine psychotherapy with meditation and on top of that you add tianeptine to make it even easier. As victim of trauma and my knowledge I think there are no better solutions and these are top tier. Ofc exercise is very helpful aswell but I think I shouldn't even mention that. So anyway, I'm open for more suggestion because there is always room to become better and people can be helpful if you aren't stuck in your ego. My approach is by keeping things simple, effective yet not harmful. PS. Tianeptine isn't as much addictive as you would think, it's more like you just have to submit to it's life changing proporties as strategy to alleviate symptoms, not cause and get more clearminded mindset and motivation to get over it once and for all. Peace. Edit1: This isn't my native language and last time I checked I've learned it when I was 10-12 years old so excuse me any mistakes and feel free to point them out so I can learn my mistakes and improve, thanks!",6.235768025078372,8.04633698989899,6.064810170672238,75.90227272727277,66.72727272727272,8.896412399860678,32.08951584813654,9.314750747691287,3.0409731104144897,1752,73,293,34,29,548,202,396,0.094,0.6920000000000001,0.214,0.9953,0,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,9,2,9,17,25,1,3,6,0,34,7,0,4,2,59,53,29,0,8,8,0,2,2,0,5,7,1,1,0,21,24,0,2,13,1,2,3,11,13,0,1,2,3,28,13,46,42,11,31,0,2,0,0,23,18,0,2,12,187,49,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535535991689164,0.0,0.09443862266918793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041488954978396,0.0,0.0,0.13144138861265062,0.0,0.07393178827917922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069304045335883,0.0589128015377347,0.1067348284638166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25641918698018074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09868351896886617,0.0,0.0985341897332766,0.0992791944446858,0.10223569781110184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323865195523646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871059924368308,0.0,0.0,0.10778272147869228,0.12766385256669704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773141779598776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883301396995015,0.08220466189052608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15147625943826667,0.0,0.054924561271793765,0.16211947244155206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591116160692382,0.2042177070275015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590092222768148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877711191412237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826195467386237,0.09442997790180988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216259798445794,0.0,0.0,0.06451009063788164,0.0,0.0,0.10527278356434353,0.0,0.09735786294490503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420877530494766,0.0716597128940956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014107878524408,0.10292186059385693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680009228768438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135906777831132,0.0,0.0,0.09832088464533928,0.0,0.0,0.2259414728352528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382422526583085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768545566071559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321133988071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013478860393081,0.1453273274524452,0.0,0.0,0.08897607991724517,0.0,0.0,0.06420545195681125,0.18577519290542005,0.0,0.0,0.056353430765234615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594815329506728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035740518598392,0.0,0.0,0.13730512182279436,0.0,0.0,0.06223505627155319 ptsd,peachspresso,2019/10/07,"A breakthrough in therapy today? (Pt. 1 of some rambling) So, I have an eating disorder, anxiety, depression phases, maybe OCD issues and I thought they were linked to my bipolar disorder. I get addicted to things like alcohol, caffeine, other drugs and I binge eat or starve myself and chalked it up to the bipolar. The fact that I have such a difficult time socializing. I just put down to anxiety. Well the psychiatrist I saw a couple days ago doesn’t think I’m bipolar. He thinks I’ve got ADD, anxiety, depression and trauma with a couple borderline personality traits. He thinks the mix together is what the “bipolar disorder” actually is. I think he could be wrong, but I used to think my therapist who thought I was bipolar was wrong too for a while. So today I went into therapy and told my psychologist about my visit with the psychiatrist. Also that I was about to relapse with my eating disorder after about a month of recovery, where I basically just switched my eating issues out with alcohol. So we ended up reaching a point where we realized I use alcohol to comfort myself, I use starving to comfort, I use binge eating for comfort. All to comfort in different ways with different triggers. I cried a bit, tried not to but she started talking about how I didnt get very emotional when I told her about things that actually happened in my childhood, I laughed even. So me crying I guess is new. I don’t know why I cried over her showing me that each impulsive habit was just a different painkiller for each pain. My dad used to stand in front of me and call me down to shit and mock me while I stood there and cried. Then make fun of the crying. I remember it a little every time I have to deal with a difficult manager or customer in the workplace and have to hide my emotional response. Anger will be met with louder anger and I can’t deal. If I win out emotionally or logically they could make it physical. If I cry I’m a loser. If I tell them to go fuck themselves I’m fired. Below likely triggering, not important to overall post. So don’t read the italicized chunk if you don’t wanna hear about verbal abuse. *Not sure why dad did but have a bit of an idea; I hated myself for being a piece of shit, because of how people treated me like shit, so I self harmed, my dad told me I was a piece of shit for self harming because he sure as hell wasnt going to take blame for breaking me down as a person. So he just fed into it on purpose. That I am worthless shit. He cornered me every once in a while to do that. I just wanted to die and shrink under the floor.** I have other related things to say. I think they have context together but I’m going to split it between posts so it isn’t a wall of text.",3.3874344569288404,5.280344672284643,4.837625468164795,81.51505243445695,74.18726591760299,8.192359550561799,28.34606741573034,8.904972459349038,2.402664719101125,2141,88,410,46,45,715,241,534,0.273,0.66,0.067,-0.9991,3,0,4,0,1,0,57.0,2,1,4,2,30,37,11,0,30,0,33,23,5,11,4,81,75,40,1,8,19,3,1,3,0,1,11,2,0,4,19,27,9,0,14,2,0,7,11,23,1,0,20,4,69,14,73,49,8,55,1,4,1,1,37,26,7,9,20,283,88,3,0.0,0.06720687978364287,0.1107059431979303,0.06183589076109329,0.0,0.0,0.05028106828543802,0.18185728627664605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045360957772581145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017765742748796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06915501144300606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385254439400666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05792000809159328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905765914440147,0.1255247209492847,0.3738419755227809,0.036581315945195376,0.11695680079585713,0.09771000153129228,0.0,0.058868993203807236,0.17778879965889324,0.2600355682557212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578008457035996,0.2902063595511253,0.0,0.19141551254843006,0.05023929334986507,0.0,0.0,0.03746467217084092,0.0,0.09558229484039556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052439031473947635,0.059270323717828075,0.0,0.09671010113532202,0.0,0.04536615996427261,0.0,0.062486221835371565,0.0,0.050159513909670085,0.0,0.0,0.05600171930123008,0.0,0.0,0.06393037294122775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403279117781388,0.0,0.11840709305342405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031173199153241012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313523587288192,0.05685084028880472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572541009435084,0.0,0.05698536901078283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04527535336104578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05478293794086308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040760464043391,0.0,0.0,0.06035673260176589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039324235150345915,0.09905578733837214,0.0,0.0,0.05362109094052109,0.0,0.1086489389675095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05702177309422131,0.0,0.0,0.05673784367986191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06425552804923128,0.0,0.0,0.045108003718094695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183478634314124,0.0,0.2911241236409001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782143916386825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04014847303769549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692055818541947,0.0,0.04264825611169612,0.04559139188042427,0.049577959697893435,0.0,0.1297342300749259,0.06585918714986938,0.11305171326641145,0.2180729019137219,0.0,0.09006264817468303,0.06615068453205833,0.0,0.10753258340892086,0.16260232075168593,0.0,0.03851084990583978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449501127750252,0.0,0.04680199781828271,0.033456396453197555,0.045023675337865735,0.0,0.0,0.05100033399461208,0.05258232000080136,0.102366456011258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12403428497698152,0.0,0.0 ptsd,miyonghee,2019/10/07,"Big Day on Friday This is my first post after lurking in the thread for quite some time. First of all, I would like to thank the members of this thread for being very supportive about everyone’s journey towards progress. I have an assignment for my therapist on Friday and it is to write anything that is related to my trauma. Frankly speaking, I am scared because I do not know how to write it. I fear that it would trigger me and it would lead me to self-harm. What do I do?",5.078771929824561,5.5404638421052645,5.24184210526316,85.6820614035088,68.47368421052633,8.438596491228072,31.62280701754386,8.344100000000001,2.18822807017544,375,15,77,5,6,118,62,95,0.10400000000000001,0.792,0.10300000000000001,-0.0276,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,5,2,6,0,2,3,0,12,0,0,3,1,14,15,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,2,0,1,11,3,16,11,2,13,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,6,59,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18280712396205304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541806121443967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432657092697863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21226989980626254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2499758653549664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3779143291589464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208556120802835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852925165844336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21275433784161585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362794785220188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22240677075533224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23174659190044816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25208850211679873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20452207198357056,0.0,0.25792847838206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295350439602208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329360875712072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4734181597223585,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,XenicaFlies,2019/10/07,"Severe PTSD Symptoms I am a 51 yo female in the US. This is not my main account for privacy purposes. I have always had pretty severe mental health issues due to early childhood sexual abuse, rape, severe parental abuse. I went on to have abusive relationships and I have never really had friends because all the people I meet tend to be abusive in one way or another and I can't bring myself to even attempt friendships, I get triggered and going alone is just easier. March 2018 I reconnected with a sibling that had just been released from prison for attempted murder. I guess I am an idiot for attempting that relationship, I should have known better but I just wanted to connect with someone. Thankfully this person is in a far away state. She went on to kind of con me for money and things and was just . . . bad. It made me remember all the things that happened to me as a child and teenager and all the abuse. I used to function fairly well considering but since that happened I don't. I went several months only leaving the house to pay my rent. I recently started going out of my apartment a little more frequently but honestly, it freaked me out and I get that head spinning a million miles an hour anxiety. I stopped seeing my PCP and taking all of my medications last October because he didn't seem to be listening to me, I felt blown off and it was just too much too take. I went off all meds cold turkey and let me tell you, that was rough. A year later, here I am. I am in pretty bad shape mentally. I don't sleep, I can't think, I experience terror and rage pretty frequently. I have tried a couple times to seek mental health care again in the last year but it was pretty horrible. I was told to ""Just forget about all that"" and I did just push it down for most of my life but I can't seem to do that anymore. I can't bring myself to to try to seek care again, I am afraid of being blown off again, it just feels wrong and abusive and red flags galore and it sets me off into the abyss of terror and rage. I really don't know what to do to get myself back on track. I have been following this sub for awhile (on my main account) and I wondered if anyone might have some advice to help me figure it out.",4.546394557823128,5.4391999546485295,5.47497278911565,81.9920510204082,69.86167800453515,8.419682539682539,27.171655328798185,8.648137234880735,1.88565179138322,1744,55,343,28,30,573,216,441,0.16699999999999998,0.7290000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.9806,2,1,0,0,3,0,41.0,1,1,0,4,19,20,5,3,17,0,42,8,2,3,7,68,77,26,1,3,16,1,3,0,1,2,5,1,1,2,22,24,0,1,10,0,5,10,10,12,1,2,19,7,55,8,56,52,12,59,0,0,2,1,15,24,0,9,22,250,77,1,0.0,0.5004300231416581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878789262042778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07290662628056678,0.0,0.0,0.05857318363071446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381391468431145,0.053850975052854536,0.0,0.06981161849226325,0.049220900101986376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613718268403315,0.05412839731930617,0.11755157042823933,0.08582267194518188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06225749240186985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354210324638506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788927166847044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0464943639247571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688585297617468,0.0,0.0,0.035593161372873175,0.0,0.06758897517712298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438598510288034,0.0,0.1103333824052386,0.0,0.08001270489136293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754657841522647,0.0,0.1244978033369921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224422764974428,0.14965038719379134,0.0,0.0,0.04718340208463125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06932359832840061,0.08122485929790857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734727165180331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330418869101865,0.03868652739093713,0.1147604944277544,0.0,0.0745367465752248,0.0,0.07198231049800982,0.04972114030733492,0.0,0.07055296375643158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.066608205191883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07819151303265821,0.07091423013937567,0.2128208280033163,0.07467657376578747,0.0,0.0,0.05618756641967402,0.0,0.05174745683067945,0.0,0.0542919481982558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047700581610766096,0.053537568214819226,0.0,0.0,0.07816385478017875,0.0,0.0,0.04880211661283222,0.06146504905157224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2864627316313325,0.0,0.0,0.08228644876755227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019199211778248,0.0,0.0695052699071196,0.15115294353946662,0.07974232075687585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05609465169371897,0.12816753095926967,0.0,0.31809930148029064,0.0,0.05823038225870311,0.0,0.07044452078188708,0.0,0.05964433942875887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04982501135805384,0.0,0.0,0.05885227126402656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316599021453829,0.10585457848777102,0.0,0.0615271819363436,0.06480904589824098,0.0,0.0,0.09353287055704038,0.045105429889921035,0.0,0.0,0.04104712282654262,0.0,0.0,0.06726418105359404,0.0,0.09558538040364348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467493367110339,0.06079754086643959,0.0,0.0,0.04152001825113008,0.0558752292517886,0.0,0.0,0.06329237523330586,0.26102259867396754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633894675151172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07696444210921502,0.0,0.09066244820257484 ptsd,Knpredwood1113,2019/10/07,"Anyone have to do a trauma timeline? My therapist asked me to do a trauma timeline so that we could work through the abuse and neglect that my parents so wonderfully gifted me with. I have never had to do one of these and it’s causing a lot of anxiety. My parents would yell, hit and scream; then the next day everything was fine. If it was brought up that everything wasn’t rainbows and butterflies; then it was time for more gaslighting and punishment. I felt crazy then; as a child, and trying to remember things has been incredibly hard on me. I feel as though if this much trauma happened; I must have been the horrible child they said I was. I just want to be happy and I feel so damaged that I’m afraid that I will never accomplish that.",4.952344827586206,6.043054200000004,5.364310344827587,82.42922413793106,69.06896551724138,8.83448275862069,30.36206896551724,9.120678840339163,2.4811931034482755,589,23,115,11,10,188,87,145,0.22899999999999998,0.698,0.073,-0.973,2,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,1,0,1,2,5,10,1,1,7,0,20,0,0,1,3,26,31,18,0,6,3,2,4,0,0,3,0,3,0,2,12,9,0,1,5,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,11,7,16,2,14,14,3,11,0,2,0,0,8,2,0,4,8,92,28,2,0.0,0.21004079521168487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561418500053946,0.0,0.0,0.12395415766886878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572733336190276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821093112381511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153892693508952,0.0,0.0,0.11432711525597103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186450225104485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792702013821386,0.0,0.17021091585938422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676288235572672,0.18871155319585994,0.15880275435574995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071208234695396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031684527634554,0.0,0.2734493962187851,0.0,0.1885329938496152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012550363009368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.393683770892188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20081697367375853,0.0,0.16862824421855904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20582886879269335,0.11777302081256935,0.0,0.17417088227303645,0.0,0.10336994090218506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035746287494115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456084464223744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922461763662544,0.1290576406324668,0.0,0.0,0.12593041928110627,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sadly_a_replacement,2019/10/07,"I want everyone's opinion on working in a bakery. Hello everyone. I've recently come home from the Air Force and have been going to the VA for a couple of months for generalized anxiety and major depressive disorder. I also struggled heavily with [possible trigger warning!](#s ""suicidal thoughts."") Recently my therapist diagnosed me with OCD and PTSD which has been an eye opener, seeing as to how I've been feeling like something else was up with me, but couldn't figure out what it was until she confirmed it for me. Since I've been home my wife and I have gotten married and moved into our first home together (we stayed with her parents for the first two months of me coming home). I had a job at a residential care facility, but I quit and decided to work on my health full time until I could handle this stuff better because it was a real struggle working and coping at the same time. But since I quit, it meant it was fully up to my wife to pay the bills and rent. We're managing (barely), but I feel selfish and I want to help. I've gotten better since the start of my treatment and I want to get back into the world to fully turn back to civilian life and learn more about how to live with what I have by getting more used to it. I looked into being a baker as a job. I feel comfortable working with food and cooking at home. It really helps me take my mind off of my struggles and put them into what I'm doing. Plus baking to me is relaxing and not to difficult of a job. I've found a bakery here where I live and have been thinking about contacting the owner about my situation and applying, but I'm unsure if that's the right way to go about it. I want to the owner to be understanding of my situation though and know what they're getting into hiring me. Not that I'm going to be a nuisance and have a lot of problems, but that I may need a break or two every once and awhile to collect my thoughts and catch my breathe, you know? I'm also going to talk to my therapist about this on Thursday during our next appointment, but until then I wanted to get this subreddits thoughts on it and if it sounds like a good idea, or if I should even go for it? Thank you all in advance for any input, and l hope you have a great rest of your day.",7.2999578567128225,5.775477816777045,7.809107967088098,75.74979680915112,64.43046357615893,10.885370258880194,33.83594220349187,9.800150414767053,3.0262105960264893,1773,60,352,30,22,590,215,453,0.059000000000000004,0.812,0.129,0.9876,7,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,3,4,1,11,15,18,0,3,25,0,26,8,2,4,1,92,70,46,1,14,14,3,3,2,0,2,3,1,7,0,23,39,3,0,16,2,3,11,3,7,0,4,17,7,47,11,72,46,8,56,0,1,3,0,20,24,0,9,20,251,70,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117727419485371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005546984142256,0.0,0.05630936248606735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319889908961353,0.0,0.04487031051286343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019930293517107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07504752064173395,0.0,0.0,0.12681229636681582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05876941813015545,0.0814450477052818,0.0,0.04747060180252727,0.0,0.06339783650436871,0.07470983282404528,0.0,0.0,0.08436031206241035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061489431635956375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04861690970736661,0.0,0.062017302282644016,0.1406698077261469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165414686380684,0.0525850506441858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252206178743774,0.08900620686615804,0.08070657574552663,0.0,0.0,0.15382704876615816,0.0,0.20916354805072665,0.06173828844291757,0.0,0.0811522785019031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824108932479623,0.0,0.0,0.09867480723242844,0.0,0.3691704826870527,0.07310863071518696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309365187573621,0.0,0.0,0.2191315824317367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08090526465102432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05199099384994193,0.07192159122602754,0.0,0.12999314147445487,0.0,0.06181157097865899,0.0,0.0,0.06257827140922542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432236280435092,0.0,0.1175052463443816,0.07823288246083493,0.0,0.05457886036468994,0.0,0.0,0.0782821700489463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07838934362084281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173216599709658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298114077807626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043221952302649,0.08604296332230847,0.07399563997875708,0.0,0.15658079098196304,0.0,0.0837811915250446,0.047154704000401684,0.0,0.14535660437162254,0.0,0.0,0.06286020908487637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05865546673298126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826660909531908,0.16547531808385504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056666474995142366,0.0,0.0,0.052099606788537735,0.07845555941618068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308509112393695,0.08426271736837207,0.08051440987978087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055343508868942994,0.05916273796221511,0.0,0.06776768766542107,0.0,0.1709274348092549,0.0,0.047164568501658496,0.07231877214313208,0.17530785860136666,0.08584198581293463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800635763241875,0.14380722062050652,0.07662776724672564,0.0,0.06357305069313446,0.0,0.0,0.217077384006168,0.058426027288140975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143478860398352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thuperthanx,2019/10/07,"Don’t feel anything - for four years now. Anyone experience the same thing? I went through an extremely traumatic two years in 2014-2015 and I got no support through it. To cope, I finally just went numb, I don’t feel anything, I genuinely live my life with “zero fucks,” which on one hand is great! It’s a super power because it doesn’t matter what anyone says to me or does, I just don’t care. But on the other hand, I just don’t care. I don’t get mad, I don’t get sad, I don’t get excited, I just roll with it. I’m not depressed or down, I just am. It’s been four years, and I still don’t really feel anything. How have you coped with complete zero fucks? It kind of sucks because I don’t feel like I’m living but I’m also not a victim to my emotions anymore either and I don’t really know what normal is now.",1.0338793103448296,2.7338500172413798,3.1638936781609215,91.74859913793104,80.4367816091954,6.189080459770117,21.219827586206893,7.1686216300943375,0.4872655172413794,629,18,143,8,16,214,90,174,0.099,0.748,0.153,0.7601,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,2,10,16,5,0,5,0,16,6,2,1,0,27,36,9,0,1,12,0,6,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,11,6,0,0,5,0,0,2,14,8,0,6,4,7,19,8,14,32,2,13,0,2,0,2,2,4,3,2,8,93,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973819428986144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608959656236,0.19190079193072693,0.0,0.3387716308566941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16730127524858834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798185651959645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387702993340193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181910574492426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12008587810620472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435882704421242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134231661398767,0.0,0.0,0.2775388438902959,0.09803304157279906,0.0,0.15032247367012236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537232416083871,0.21508204254788252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975077954270007,0.1512902354308955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289795424807986,0.07541486673331874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692555581984673,0.0670408438926035,0.0,0.2423430782366854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344506431848711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298671263320588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17581875460779978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912624245857933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958747443710362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557204685306401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116570346265296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404816639762585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25441653491485633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651037806968685 ptsd,TallSnow7,2019/10/07,What's the difference between coping and getting better? I'm not so sure I know anymore. I've just been- surviving. Lots of meds.,1.2885999999999989,3.925411360000002,2.895500000000002,85.43525000000002,95.4,5.7,26.25,7.1686216300943375,1.9576,104,5,18,2,4,34,23,25,0.09699999999999999,0.7040000000000001,0.19899999999999998,0.3872,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3958325778761132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530006070875689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4170089202121387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20853046205623893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.219352998783814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393285109820654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4433466640682577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761780264245455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Skapnslap,2019/10/07,"Anyone else having nightmares they can’t wake up from? I was diagnosed with PTSD a few months ago after losing my best friend last year and alot of other issues (also have severe OCD as well, which causes me a-lot of self doubt about my disorder, which is a whole other issue in itself.) Ive been taking prazosin, and for the first few weeks it worked, but now i feel like dreams and nightmares are creeping in. I wake up in fear alot, but generally don’t wake up screaming, what really scares me about sleep is that whenever im in the nightmare, im aware of it, but not fully. I feel trapped, and that sensation of being cornered stays with me for what feels like hours. Its horrifying and I don’t want that to come back. Can anyone else relate? If so what do you do?",5.632941176470588,5.632298176470589,5.9249673202614375,82.86235294117648,67.23529411764707,8.630065359477124,26.15032679738562,8.167268648758528,1.4320405228758162,603,14,122,7,9,193,100,153,0.157,0.716,0.127,-0.7146,0,1,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,1,4,7,10,0,3,6,0,15,5,4,1,0,22,21,12,0,2,5,0,3,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,14,8,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,5,1,1,2,4,13,5,21,18,6,20,0,1,0,0,4,8,0,4,12,88,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638038090549794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401378922566133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19937758758482493,0.2921611938612351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10962811788280001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14961922190378804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464594485341557,0.0,0.1228120899310534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470632533899286,0.0,0.0,0.1633984483910283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381991596789835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604317476071989,0.21626418760130844,0.203705165942652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212706198389952,0.0,0.0,0.11014981934268724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040348478773684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30800178283647384,0.29761367513224296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11621420210539812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930574845968532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595002177960914,0.0,0.12120856598651995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379862438318793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666575947636396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133448276369148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14273820739167895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873240137725385,0.16106438324509328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267372785707047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196146579887096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071954720960526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409193105200996,0.0,0.11436166791147698,0.0,0.12818823975570476,0.0,0.0,0.15917516757747716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379321489735288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918108982653186 ptsd,Warhorse86,2019/10/07,"PTSD What can I say its a good day today, but I only maybe get two good days a week I'm a veteran I served the UK Armed Forces for 12 years, join the army they said see the world they said was so excited. Well they wasn't wrong I did see the world but in a different light a dark one, I left the army in 2015 after serving 12 years for Queen and Country since I left its been a constant struggle and worry in my mind everyone's a emenemy even the parents at my sons school it's got to a point where I don't leave the house isolation is a comman part of my life lit totally sucks",1.2682251082251101,2.8023092857142835,2.9248917748917767,94.49435064935066,79.15873015873015,6.8040404040404034,20.978354978354982,7.686295010490155,0.5216285714285713,454,12,109,7,11,150,84,126,0.109,0.732,0.159,0.6548,2,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,3,1,4,7,1,1,16,0,7,2,1,0,1,6,15,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,2,7,7,13,4,9,8,2,18,0,0,3,0,8,10,1,0,8,61,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838307747890224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20097845410062334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627958480470449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291581510576027,0.0,0.0,0.14889004679696194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140807490836821,0.0,0.0,0.26138421041494714,0.1246212781377349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979217040205206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498795513225895,0.3385917665632745,0.0,0.11005832214412807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653935724044016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573309902796396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558579197761284,0.11850602968835315,0.0,0.0,0.17301660131384186,0.16873488276025694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472976529953167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214201103548627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964357472404461,0.12391212044435138,0.0,0.15769536193875847,0.2483323273967324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889362813464358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16289400705167467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769652089162852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221079884897296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249871883025246,0.0,0.1400984084362723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823996712962954,0.0,0.0,0.17036168742190924,0.0,0.2006823831669508 ptsd,Zebrapotato27,2019/10/07,First time this had happened So a couple years ago I used to work at a funeral home. I was a cremationist there and worked there for 2.5 years. About 5% of the cremations were infants or small children. A couple weeks ago I was eat at a restaurant and saw sole families pass by with babies or young children. My hands started trembling and felt like I was about to cry. This had never happened before and I was wondering if I might have PTSD. I had to stop eating and wait for that feeling to pass. I do not like being around babies or seeing them since working at the funeral home. I haven't been officially diagnosed with PTSD. I'm thinking about going to an EMDR therapist.,3.831950034698124,5.817668572519086,4.637751561415687,83.02360860513535,73.19847328244275,7.511727966689799,27.176266481609996,8.296473431620573,1.929558778625954,537,20,100,9,11,173,82,131,0.10099999999999999,0.847,0.051,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,4,7,3,0,1,8,0,14,4,1,1,1,22,27,10,3,1,5,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,2,3,3,8,2,2,4,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,11,5,11,2,18,14,0,19,0,0,2,0,4,5,0,6,13,69,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558930551845596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849101917731293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282062250005585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3194135033344583,0.1585480190570736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464995730754078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953866913008025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13606859466876606,0.0,0.07298140119507808,0.0,0.1385866813596727,0.0,0.0,0.12277344470867844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08203035486516784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552744342672448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895646586872767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103207049508848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15311932909753892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11132201524923033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33744573950657203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501833841816456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193975113602593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216285947116804,0.0,0.0,0.12067265324835555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675870182001738,0.0,0.09248567275009284,0.0,0.0,0.08416438504927709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124661298701875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577887480712905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652791392472049,0.31523836228233426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858972974129492 ptsd,hukuna-matata,2019/10/07,"Memory loss, sleep terrors and leg spasms I have PTSD with short term memory loss as well as memory loss from the trauma I've been through. I'm often very confused and am lied to in order to protect my mental health. I then confabulate and make things up that I truly believe have happened. I'm often called a liar and am told what I'm saying isn't true. I wake up in the night with leg spasms and screaming hysterically for help. I'm an inpatient and when nurses come and check on me I often continue to scream at them stating I am not getting the correct support for my mental health and take it all out on them. I think I do this as I feel no one knows how to, or can support me. In the day I'm very reasonable and try and engage and accept support from nurses. Despite, feeling the support I'm getting isn't enough. When I do get distressed I take it out on myself and not other patients or nurses. I wake up in the morning with no recollection of what happened in the night, other than my legs feeling extremely achy like I've done a workout at the gym. I'm told I need to apologise to the nurses but have absolutely no memory of what has been said or what has happened.",3.966441053408815,5.023620150627618,5.2477528919517615,82.47910164902781,71.34309623430963,7.799261629337928,27.8663549101649,8.124751697461798,1.7878110263352198,932,33,185,13,17,311,119,239,0.129,0.779,0.092,-0.695,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,3,7,19,1,3,12,0,16,8,6,3,3,42,46,23,0,1,6,0,3,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,11,18,0,1,8,2,1,1,7,10,1,1,6,7,21,9,35,40,3,27,0,3,0,0,8,16,0,7,9,127,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13637336786466084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359785361322305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10426733496472544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806235327217728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238684301506275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12506918609013234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360806743178948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18971902031418397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3211122612956435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25732488417482235,0.0,0.0,0.08113218885748083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652175357961251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05913521683945016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079676143036771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24396459838991624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975142756151944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271802404132964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08202148265855798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149212237485154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445177685115633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11513906864862178,0.09625779802235562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12112984463899874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5494300571545248,0.0,0.0,0.182017685750902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08041521152718943,0.0775591011806018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23132245660435505,0.0,0.08217986402307934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974536143029625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10883168050189664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kindthoughtsandwords,2019/10/07,"Birthday causes anxiety attack {TW} Tomorrow is my birthday and the last week has been absolute hell. I keep having nightmares about my sexual abuse and I keep thinking about it whenever my mind wanders. This year will be the first that I'm not obligated to spend my birthday with abusive family members, but I feel terrible. I had a full-blown panic attack last night and while I was throwing up and struggling to breath, my boyfriend just kept asking me ""What is wrong with you?!"" This morning he told me he's tired of how everything is always about me, and I don't blame him. I'm tired of myself. I can't wait for my birthday to come and to be gone.",4.762248468941387,5.992247937007877,5.336955380577432,81.9326946631671,69.62992125984252,8.479090113735781,29.85914260717411,8.841846274778883,2.374850218722659,516,20,98,9,9,166,85,127,0.271,0.71,0.018000000000000002,-0.9879,0,0,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,1,0,1,5,7,3,2,3,0,13,3,1,2,0,21,25,9,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,9,0,4,2,0,1,3,3,7,0,1,6,1,19,0,13,16,0,12,1,0,0,0,6,1,1,0,8,65,24,0,0.0,0.392415964583153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779180678761865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668294072232753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481290506794573,0.3767860111610512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011600283904538,0.0,0.14264905438659972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882989009591915,0.0,0.15611219518677194,0.0,0.08373193517655562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085860158084765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943843694804091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26997091322092165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672079928771447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540363854720515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19429499004186776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312024746310115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610928577229306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806638575380324,0.0,0.15823713967639044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328336957282053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810567375591441,0.0,0.10664046045698353 ptsd,morotssoppa,2019/10/07,"How am I supposed to manage school I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now and I can't keep up with school. I have so much work to do but I just can't bring myself to do it. If I don't keep up I'll get failed so it's kinda important... Does anyone have any advice?",-1.2175847457627107,0.8166691694915258,1.4862500000000018,97.54259533898306,94.59322033898306,4.3059322033898315,14.154661016949152,5.985473137389443,-0.8224084745762714,207,4,49,2,8,71,40,59,0.086,0.866,0.048,-0.6064,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,10,14,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,6,0,6,14,1,5,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,31,8,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745518629658407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19106313229933605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196454482105224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24587088728661025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206233672092627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679053988872529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4994621387206756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20653868195968447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799908277258662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23993918112838825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5686951163749683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454297321679152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,theendisnie,2019/10/07,"Struggling PTSD is kind of a soldier thing. I've felt inadequacy about the diagnosis. I was used for child sex trafficking when I was 5-7. It fucked me up a lot Recently something set it off and I'm struggling",0.7978571428571435,3.3518492619047637,3.1542857142857166,84.91571428571429,92.09523809523807,6.609523809523811,26.04761904761905,7.793537801064563,1.9615904761904759,167,8,34,4,6,57,35,42,0.29100000000000004,0.7090000000000001,0.0,-0.9136,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,3,0,3,2,0,1,0,4,7,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,1,3,1,5,4,1,5,0,0,0,2,1,2,1,1,2,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762921534214643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660270053336524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996549673253532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24464098302997994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33637290797519337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841256380416036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22152964336454492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6016528590213956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911731769432325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485299332427768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,humanoidcarp,2019/10/07,"hardly sleeping lately so, about 2 years ago, i {20m} moved states to run from my trauma, specifically my triggers surrounding my abusive ex {20m}. i've been doing a lot of work in therapy and on myself, and i decided it's time to move back and work through those feelings in the places where they happened, as a kind of closure deal. well, my brain cannot stop spiraling into thoughts about my ex finding me when i go back. i know that rationally, even if he ever ran into me, it would be in public, and he probably would put as much effort into avoiding me as i would, but i think it's the prospect of us going from being 300 miles apart to 5 that's stressing me out so much. if he isn't at a distance, then i know me and my stockholm-y cycle too well to trust that i won't try to reel him back into my life because when i'm not doing well, i start convincing myself i need him. and because i'm not sleeping, i'm becoming more depressed and i find myself missing him. it just makes me feel stupid because none of my anxieties even make sense, but it's getting to the point where i'm anywhere from sleeping 5-6 hours a night on a good day or the worst was when i was awake for almost 3 days having slept 4 hours. anyway, i'm really just rambling at this point. i guess i'm just here to see if anyone has shared experiences in any of these areas? advice and/or kind words appreciated.",8.409105263157894,5.379373814035091,8.619166666666667,75.56875000000002,63.49122807017544,11.324561403508776,36.381578947368425,9.075114841892004,3.0124210526315784,1087,36,227,13,12,361,163,285,0.096,0.7929999999999999,0.111,0.324,0,2,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,1,3,24,16,1,2,9,0,15,6,5,3,1,46,40,22,0,7,11,2,3,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,11,12,0,2,9,0,0,7,6,7,3,0,6,4,35,9,35,28,6,49,0,2,1,0,13,22,0,7,19,149,46,2,0.0,0.12259526627155905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110988096739648,0.09172008840041393,0.0,0.10361045808348407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703632834807876,0.0,0.07915441904314731,0.0,0.0,0.07234876895969962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23868658864622835,0.0,0.18922341884851515,0.1142747055815864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11550696176038497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345943698926974,0.10667323183278868,0.08911873080320172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668218120963188,0.09359471879810492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10121370902024956,0.0,0.0,0.10463528311654684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913977477488128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054058908415185285,0.0,0.11760899715428465,0.08678589383118222,0.0,0.0,0.11398408955857425,0.0,0.09149835528154697,0.0,0.09268897470741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379460710894515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154965797210485,0.1137290308084816,0.0,0.11671889134397302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308406154813513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796666308106829,0.0,0.0,0.1381343226158734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21994489327739852,0.15212500343299368,0.07672184151033551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970997725207312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810433547106246,0.0,0.19562556520365645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115583749157026,0.0,0.0,0.1040161286800862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628565900079059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245235229048394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106347718935657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323673942754191,0.0,0.0,0.0865057194730739,0.1185247633929451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11832719010146807,0.0,0.0,0.06629952559120575,0.0,0.08214378029185249,0.060334305136327614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024947317520834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446190947656648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2790964055824081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506550744275248,0.0,0.0,0.22050678204532084,0.0,0.0,0.0666314157678733 ptsd,mrhappyface47,2019/10/07,"I need help understanding trigger warning Hello, I am a 20 year old male and I'm not sure what is wrong with me. To start off the year 2018 was my senior year of course so all in all it was great, but after that it started going down hill. I have a family member that was a heavy drug user meth and all that jazz. He was a marine, and was suffering from schizophrenia also PTSD. Things started getting rough when he got back on the shit. Threating to kill my grandparents while I was present calling me the devil. I know it sounds crazy, but please bare with me. I would go up to my grandparents thinking ""Today's the day I'm going to find grandma with her brains blown out."" Luckily that never happened. I'm sorry for the description it's the only way I know to explain it. I'm skipping over a lot of things cause it was an everyday thing it seemed like. One of the memorable experiences was when I decided it was no longer safe for my gf to be present there due to the fact he was carrying a firearm and mumbling he was God and he decided who died and who didnt. Everything came to a head the day he used said firearm. Me my brother and his friends were all having a shooting day. My little brother and gf are in my mother's house. I decided to go in for a little bit and saw the figure of said family member walk by with a hand gun in his hand. I also was armed. I remember walking out to where we were shooting and as soon as I walked up to him he let off three rounds into the brush I was standing a few feet away from him by then I felt the muzzle blast and the ringing in my ears then he said ""Y'all like that."" I'm not entirely sure that's exactly how it happened, but it's as much as I remember. One I have never seen someone look at me like they were going to kill me Two I have never felt like I was going have to kill somebody before and I never want to feel it again. I know it's a lot different from actually killing someone, and I'm not really sure why it messes with me so much. No more shots were fired and no one was hurt and he just turned and walked away. We later found his gun after he was locked up it had a total 5 rounds left. Why would he come all the way to our house shoot three rounds and leave. My brother and I speculated he had ill intent, but we think he chickend out. We talked to one of the officers that locked him up and the officer told us if they didn't lock him up sooner or later he was going to kill somebody. He had shot up his own house threatened my grandparents killed his own dog etc. He was just crazy. All the stories I've heard about him in jail are nuts but that's a long story as well. After all that things settled down for a bit then my grandpa went into the hospital. I didn't think anything of it just went in for some minor pain so before I went on vacation I told him I loved him and gave him a hug goodbye. Four days into vacation I get a call he has stage four pancreatic cancer. That fucked me up worse than the experience before. So I asked my brother how long he says 6 months from what the doc said. I say fine the old timer can last 6 months I'll finish my vacation, also because grandpa said he would put a knot on my head if I came home. Then I get a call about 2 hours later he's got 30 days now. I was like Jesus fuck dude can this get any worse. Yep I get a call the next day ""You need to come home now."" Got on a plane that night. I arrive around 9:00 P.M. I get to my grandparents house he now has a week. I have no idea if it was my family trying not to freak me out or just sucky doctors. I sat down with him for a while I could tell he was dying. I tell my grandma goodnight and to call me if she needed anything. I get a call on 9/11 4:00 AM from my mother. He had died in his sleep. I go up to see my grandpa dead in his bed where he would want to be. I sat down with him for a bit. He was so so so cold. I can still feel it a year later now. The rest is just nasty and I don't want to go into detail. After the funeral things got better. Then 3 months after that I started having these symptoms. Anxiety, not trusting people can't sleep with out having a loaded gun, I can't sleep if nobody is home, I feel on edge out in public even more so gun violence is through the roof, I almost have a fear of seeing dead people now too. Its strange. I feel like I'm overreacting but I'm not sure or I wouldn't be posting here. I feel much better talking to people on Reddit vs my friends cause it seems like they think I'm crazy. I appreciate if I get any feedback I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes wore me out typing all this. Also kind of southern rasing too. Not the best schools haha. Please, no politics I know I'm a gun owner, but i started having a gun with me all the time after that incident. Thank you for reading.",1.7621549166069777,3.3521442898120704,3.368181725161161,91.61210682492585,77.91196834817013,6.309996930318223,21.6107984583376,7.0983637204850245,0.4635777277533344,3731,101,836,42,87,1236,377,1011,0.19399999999999998,0.706,0.1,-0.9989,5,0,2,11,0,1,86.0,6,3,3,3,41,45,10,1,58,2,69,22,12,7,20,154,165,66,12,19,29,9,14,7,4,5,6,11,4,1,44,51,0,1,29,2,0,21,23,19,1,9,59,32,117,26,120,96,27,145,2,2,8,4,100,52,3,15,74,540,161,6,0.0,0.0,0.04175818470975464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04284935565922065,0.0,0.0,0.13688090800272315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872987557913164,0.0,0.032735265496519034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042726970511702,0.038093373643612434,0.040004135685440464,0.0,0.0804077635448067,0.032903906668531734,0.0,0.0260852096827285,0.0,0.1092368609259608,0.0,0.04490688163235337,0.07569094304875337,0.14015121346280274,0.0,0.0,0.04776929836174221,0.2621685152301149,0.09788380892462133,0.0,0.08791700739484415,0.0,0.073721917750678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03416541087714485,0.0,0.0,0.1655812836101381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13323199572872604,0.04470785290005054,0.0,0.04379875977795111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04962438045085417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04772366644533065,0.028263282989302564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03845810602697027,0.08371630230421437,0.12101962886742547,0.048152165264573325,0.10818296105668067,0.030570148870203318,0.08217281283724769,0.0,0.03911051851591838,0.0,0.0,0.046918506402881685,0.06612098146357127,0.07911982677839399,0.17885371311572282,0.0,0.21887379212988792,0.0,0.13689660609988194,0.04717761425667997,0.0,0.0,0.0756804986719329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08783254046502094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028682139789547582,0.0,0.12876963862514607,0.0,0.04214085992364857,0.197501889718782,0.045809025027063716,0.04830622537949324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840537311400282,0.0445606059398589,0.09406802710908778,0.03488066139858313,0.0,0.04530986088909082,0.04649292679842984,0.04375705440602443,0.0,0.1463398443739323,0.08577634844554763,0.0,0.07573799607240375,0.03593395658215786,0.0,0.0,0.07275935078828448,0.03862086390935573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246694154819178,0.0,0.0943696972873375,0.09518773107994094,0.13201330797437086,0.0,0.045509086003770134,0.04015678305193651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980464673801802,0.0,0.11598610438040935,0.03254474979942272,0.045533013235895176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899840212058305,0.0,0.0,0.09394410422903204,0.0,0.0,0.0409822845175754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050020798036204704,0.04301712563143994,0.0,0.0,0.04280292977913318,0.0,0.027413234437609842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694851536941816,0.0,0.2035218640544285,0.06805879781109034,0.0,0.043307130551270966,0.06819833120296727,0.07791127551296984,0.0,0.0,0.04392470567448065,0.0,0.0,0.12846675969971438,0.0,0.07251394369920226,0.0,0.0,0.09580282551536026,0.15143968828532015,0.0,0.03417322725179428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613213632079072,0.044476596990822063,0.0,0.06878813217511731,0.0748030517167794,0.03939652572627925,0.0,0.0,0.14214335707622267,0.10967587653385837,0.0,0.0,0.02495198020604592,0.0,0.04056119617967145,0.0817779370952581,0.0,0.029052517638055036,0.04654470077194682,0.0418009309596922,0.04454730429327256,0.051472725088137036,0.03695798710877506,0.0,0.0,0.07571834044993833,0.06793156344674987,0.03432463970091785,0.0,0.03847456253362205,0.1190040300077732,0.07722507490963686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721608249250216,0.12159098870781328,0.04678562354281962,0.0,0.11022490528956064 ptsd,BowlingBallGalaxies,2019/02/03,"Anyone else's PTSD manifest after childbirth? Honestly, I'm not entirely sure what my PTSD stems from exactly. I had a kind of traumatic childhood and was in an abusive relationship/raped by said abuser a few years before having kids with my now husband. But I had my first child and got PPD pretty badly, struggled through it without seeking help, my father died when I was pregnant with my second and already worried about having PPD again I sought therapy for a few months after having my second. PTSD amd anxiety was confirmed during therapy but the trigger really wasn't ever found since I moved and didn't continue therapy. It's been 5 years since my last (and only) go at therapy and while it did get better for a little while, it's been getting worse and worse in the last year or two. While I intend on getting back into therapy, I've been curious about how and why everything seemed to come up and surface after I had kids. I feel like these should be some of the happiest times in my life and its just... hard instead. Has anyone else's PTSD surfaced following having children? 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I hate this time of the year. So many triggers. So little control...",0.2528378378378377,2.295166648648649,1.0931756756756776,103.70030405405407,85.21621621621622,3.7,17.35810810810811,3.1291,-1.1932648648648647,134,3,33,0,4,41,27,37,0.075,0.626,0.299,0.9022,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,3,2,5,1,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,6,6,3,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,4,2,2,3,5,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.54312666175171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902327517997371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998503862733496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25548197169598696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593556939106057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623523390290371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17534936570927465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508909683860213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075698233648733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676458117077661,0.0,0.0,0.16663950678521028 ptsd,Weezerismyjam,2019/02/03,"Why I have ptsd.. When I was in middle school, I was bullied a lot. Physically. I've been assaulted a few times from women when I was a teenager. I remember in 5th grade I got off the bus and two women jumped me, broke my nose and left me bloody.. a few months later another woman assaulted me at school, and would throw me against the locker(she was much older than me). I also got in multiple fights with people and I saw some fucked up shit like a cat getting ripped to shreds by my own dog.. After that I would see dead animals on the side of the road and break down in tears. I was a bully in school too. always built with rage. One time a kid jumped on my back and bit my shoulder and In response I body slammed him on the concrete because he freaked me out. I put him in the hospital and his dad threatened to kill me (I was 13, He was in his 40's). I was going to be charged with assault even though I was defending myself unless I wrote my bully a letter saying that I'm sorry. The reason I was in the wrong is because I'm a huge dude and he was half my size. It was fucking stupid. I also had my nose broken again in high school when I got drunk at a party and this guy jumped me on the side of the road, he bloodied up my face pretty good... a few months later I was assaulted by a couple claiming to be part of the neighborhood watch, they had their 5 year old kid with them and they pinned me down in the woods, wouldn't let me go for an hour. It was completely dark and I was terrified. They told me I was going to murder their child and I had to be stopped, when in reality all I was doing was fucking around at the lake throwing leaves at my buddy. I grew up around drugs, and meth heads which is why all the teenagers around me were so fucked up, they had fucked up parents who didn't give a shit and were abusive. I left town when I was 18 and moved to Seattle, got a job at McDonald's and started therapy. I had a suicide attempt that same year and that put me in the hospital for a few weeks. I left my job at McDonald's a few weeks later, got a job at amazon and started making something of myself. But I struggle around people, I always have. My coping mechanism is painting, I'm an artist outside of work and it's something I care deeply about. I'm thinking of leaving Amazon to become an artist because that's what I want to do. I don't care if it's hard, I've had a lifetime of hardship so I know what hard is. Anyways this is more of a rant than an explanation. I had a very abusive childhood and it's made me have thick skin, It's why I am the man I am.. ",2.896952826179344,3.7527094106814016,4.182541436464091,89.87434764130897,73.67771639042357,7.042527270151581,25.341124805213198,7.2200825789825185,0.9426438022382766,2002,62,449,20,39,660,240,543,0.212,0.7490000000000001,0.039,-0.9984,4,0,4,0,1,2,55.0,0,0,7,2,20,24,16,1,41,0,50,16,9,3,2,50,82,34,4,5,3,2,4,1,0,3,1,1,0,8,17,30,1,1,4,3,0,12,3,20,0,3,39,10,76,4,69,36,15,88,0,1,3,5,32,49,7,3,27,308,93,9,0.0,0.17167714411341692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587265633690935,0.12056443165687496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07596763672938256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257974933528756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05570774076788953,0.0,0.1324901732964639,0.0800126941899696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07909402720820201,0.08047296343501298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14773033514655987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07595994153235558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801619033556579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401622791396847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047850963652390735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3348832438175475,0.03785088646918173,0.06949834976074601,0.1235209402912401,0.060765618671053186,0.28971486279126124,0.0,0.0,0.07173452487217599,0.0,0.0,0.12979765820093864,0.0,0.0743521497994343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654487844193983,0.0,0.0,0.07134630316125057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567922455678154,0.0,0.08015254732469225,0.0,0.0398153122175576,0.0,0.0,0.1534231184197096,0.23614362328328664,0.07408259050128227,0.0,0.03539424315833547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06159236793651161,0.0,0.06855168103269041,0.048359342762478406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565398347271433,0.077000344892097,0.05325732985433969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602158051672843,0.0,0.04909237602537199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044449817767069,0.0784537025097084,0.0,0.10045210262385874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07370526555239383,0.0,0.0,0.08468738007541259,0.14565971800228947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448821001732017,0.0,0.0,0.08206902019930115,0.0,0.0,0.0576132479287088,0.0,0.293283399622408,0.057731365970153714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873286273693434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115474205013406,0.0,0.08109916889815917,0.10255758359583343,0.0,0.0,0.06056944660374309,0.0,0.07573797285297597,0.0,0.07924592747340561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285015680209053,0.0,0.0,0.04642150368334877,0.0711794097575517,0.0,0.08448956891148048,0.0,0.0,0.0692267967771789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07077078868528444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977686622345396,0.042731477892603606,0.0,0.11622620679499188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19611810067957208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05274272349680426,0.0,0.0,0.1029294081532918,0.07921008937458691,0.0,0.0933077721118825 ptsd,Feellikeaghost1,2019/02/03,"Just need some advice here Hey, Just feel like i need some advice explaining my ptsd to a friend. I have just recently been diagnosed with ptsd and i don't know how to tell friends about it. We are really close and she helps me out a lot. But i'm lost and just feel numb to everything and everyone. Don't know how i should tell her. Thanks for hearing me out.",1.1439189189189207,3.4075708918918965,2.2093918918918938,95.69760135135138,83.32432432432431,6.943243243243244,18.70945945945946,8.07648339933343,0.5951135135135144,282,7,65,6,8,89,49,74,0.061,0.753,0.18600000000000005,0.8625,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,8,6,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,2,0,27,17,7,0,3,5,0,2,1,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,10,4,8,14,3,4,0,1,0,0,11,3,0,3,2,42,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659233933577121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19003732114703445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17890893618718912,0.16827274155973646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893410292674467,0.13375912887313987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28931114854415485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21102494035922406,0.0,0.12549817957239118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20579646854763256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914724743221977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2043866868584992,0.15917860623017965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27766145426644584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4377301791541787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994610734604065,0.0,0.1848697732390185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272993886019729,0.17237877984008354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lifesucks1994,2019/02/03,"Witnessed a rape So basically I was living at a homeless shelter for all men. Imagine 50 bunk beds on one floor, with one worker sitting on his phone not caring who is smoking crack or shooting up. The bathrooms/showers are upstairs. Yes if another dude is in the shower you share. So im upstairs taking a piss and then before I know it 6 guys are up there, 5 of them pushing on one. There were stalls. Im at the urinal. I look back and dont like what i see. I hear the kid screaming. I saw them trying to undress. Its unreal. I still hear the screams. I didnt do anything about it and i feel like a piece of trash for not saying anything but i didnt want it to happen to me. He got raped. I didnt do anything. I have the nightmares... Its getting worse and this happened last year. Is this normal? This kid is like an angel in my mind and i just want to keep him safe when he comes in the dreams.. Any advice please... I dont know how.to.cope. i feel so crazy because it was years ago. Ive gotten guns pulled on me and everything else but this was different",-0.16589041095890522,2.1351757671232896,1.6433013698630177,96.28303424657535,92.6986301369863,4.015890410958904,19.62876712328768,5.6839178017228535,-0.18307013698630129,819,27,178,6,30,267,133,219,0.155,0.8109999999999999,0.034,-0.9712,3,0,0,2,0,0,32.0,0,1,2,1,11,11,3,0,12,1,19,4,2,0,1,27,39,15,0,4,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,2,4,12,8,0,2,5,1,0,3,7,5,0,3,10,10,24,6,21,29,2,24,1,0,3,2,17,12,1,2,11,114,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843019514743548,0.1165032412213363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08937573798119529,0.13781401212292754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3244628306643898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106023554313656,0.0,0.08011746025434135,0.0,0.1118357870225005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399989176534188,0.0,0.0,0.11321382666849927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373145806126438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3080659331256104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109791464307863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811926446246407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290817575285785,0.0938923902421024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866585234590808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511520255694462,0.0,0.0,0.13013466136353852,0.2324431897663433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962584493177486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28393019347861703,0.0,0.0,0.1168194949611994,0.0,0.0,0.14445909223621642,0.1071315905540313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262765826509087,0.0,0.11605358004410195,0.0,0.11036665502284453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270509786820575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287718105618616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671776138885921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14426878541985902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451704423519767,0.0,0.0,0.1047313239192375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049587950186576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988177108975476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08923117565340415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550396107042291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393664662122634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16927100790035132 ptsd,anonymous_homosapien,2019/02/03,"Anybody else dream about your friends turning into your abuser? Hey everybody. Just wondering if anyone else has this problem, and if so how do you deal with it? Little background, I (21 f) was in an abusive relationship in highschool and have since been diagnosed with ptsd. Since then, having guy friends has been ... Difficult in some ways. One of which is why I'm posting this. I've had 3 male friends now that as I get closer to, I begin having dreams that I can't tell them apart from my abuser. Or dreams that they are hurting me and acting like him. And it's totally distressing. I've lost friends because I can't Handel it when it seems like they are even remote acting like my abuser after the parallel is made. I'm just not sure what to do. I don't feel safe, I'm not sure how to keep normal guy friends.... Any and all advice is appreciated ",3.8612805158912953,5.450607251497004,4.5409580838323365,85.38657300783052,72.29341317365271,7.29415016121603,26.618608935974212,7.882392219407189,1.5173080608014742,669,23,132,9,13,214,107,167,0.182,0.6609999999999999,0.157,-0.7159,0,0,0,0,3,0,25.0,0,3,3,1,9,16,0,1,2,0,19,1,0,3,4,30,31,14,0,4,7,0,1,3,5,0,1,0,0,3,11,8,0,2,3,3,0,2,5,5,0,1,6,1,16,11,14,25,3,16,0,2,0,0,19,7,0,6,8,85,27,1,0.0,0.5468301650083691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274891473155667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846299267196093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067703279168753,0.11822140343419148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703351473098341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11895267806647845,0.0,0.11710922070989188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19277193238380247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620801966672902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058340067761646436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457151224847507,0.0,0.06028177658868133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22849053247725434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12351767774102802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255587684222868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16910789080198524,0.1156420089582771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259519207964222,0.0,0.0,0.10917623089635717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11304881902733308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818510792814694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050304190369427,0.0,0.0,0.11040397266897603,0.13487413907051693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387594454008688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503847020885072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908886041995929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174903323273681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084802318473236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550132527608646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158401600233408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041133478673677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512570265057082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PixelatedFoodie,2019/02/03,"Can PTSD surface years after an event? Hey, Just wanted some advice. This has been happening for the past month. About 4 or 5 years ago I was a victim of police brutality and was assaulted, robbed, and thrown in a jail cell by police over fake charges. It was all very distressing from being thrown in a pitch black van in handcuffs and not being told whats happening, and also being told ""Better hope somebody finds ya!"" before throwing me into a cell after I explained I cant call anyone to bail me out since the cop who arrested me took my phone. I mentioned I am diabetic and needed my meds... had to scream from my cell for my medication, I could hear them right around the corner but no one came to my aid and was never given insulin, I rushed home after i was released 6 hours later to take it. Its giving me a lot of anxiety just writing this. While it was very distressing at the time, I thought I had gotten over it maybe a month after. For some reason now ive been having nightmares of it. I wake up drenched in sweat and just full of anxiety, sometimes it feels like my heart is going to jump out my chest. It feels like the anxiety is constant, and im not getting any good sleep. No matter what time I sleep i seem to keep waking up at 4am with the anxiety, nausea, and thoughts of the situation. Im just wondering if its normal for this to happen for an event that happened years ago? Also, I am not anti-police for anyone who might interpret this wrong. I understand some abuse their power when they shouldnt, but theres plenty out there who do their job well. ",6.435509049773753,5.918015801282053,6.771493212669686,79.20291855203622,65.66666666666666,9.520663650075416,29.570889894419302,8.841846274778883,2.1560797134238308,1238,35,243,17,17,402,176,312,0.147,0.7979999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9789,2,0,0,0,1,0,35.0,0,1,4,2,13,14,3,2,15,0,26,10,7,1,2,54,53,17,0,7,11,0,2,2,0,2,3,2,1,0,19,16,0,1,11,0,0,6,8,8,1,1,18,5,32,6,42,29,6,48,0,0,1,0,21,19,0,10,25,171,51,1,0.0,0.11824512732485365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752212391551547,0.17693103267348295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596179511580781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786653079859324,0.0,0.3053828958566606,0.0,0.0,0.13956312764126289,0.0,0.0,0.08884199180752926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492133386293678,0.0,0.0,0.08826383041252497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190561968499368,0.11414311360197893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784692873197113,0.0,0.07968113251521221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092243160010593,0.14259240679970406,0.0,0.0,0.09121419378832256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05214069599096028,0.0957359962942718,0.05671789485024741,0.08370640546053501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3530066045556991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124803757099985,0.11826192703920728,0.0,0.0,0.10010622220742442,0.09912261644519224,0.0982816058017168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155994194355227,0.0,0.09903479969429907,0.08870566030266995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09751319688913967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484527659757206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026119700878852,0.0,0.1108538455333932,0.10053667986583784,0.0,0.1058706380286835,0.0,0.0,0.15931672293340365,0.0,0.0,0.07399946338785741,0.07697090139134027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977815260034658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762617451237106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526914115769122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665932691902033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260967379419622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08522753516009215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085297833679902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255450687545374,0.11217790789620727,0.19974152494446848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870345531882864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503619406740933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845802297193998,0.11638683629266207,0.0,0.0,0.1907238483371196,0.1108800156073554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10389395489349272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16468874046514742,0.05886385249805885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973100679896033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082274211504194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091141998182748,0.0,0.1928012511638532 ptsd,obliviouswander,2019/02/03,"Medsications I have a moderate case of depression but recently have been diagnosed with ptsd and I’m not sure if this really applies to the subreddit but the medications my psychiatrist prescribed to me gave me horrible chest pains When I brought this up with my doctor he then said I must have anxiety, I don’t think that’s the case because I am not really an anxious person and was quite calm when the pain would come. After a good while of me thinking I had anxiety I went cold turkey on the meds and the depression worsened. When I told this to my psychiatrist he said he would no longer see me. I have a hard time with my depression and I think that my ptsd is not exactly helping is there anything I can do now that the doctor won’t help me? (small town only one physiatrist)",4.795525846702315,6.12943551633987,5.799251336898397,78.25844919786098,69.65359477124184,10.26951871657754,30.248960190136657,10.436869588844218,3.26027320261438,626,25,121,18,11,207,90,153,0.245,0.679,0.076,-0.9822,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,11,0,17,7,1,0,3,22,29,12,0,4,6,0,1,0,0,4,6,2,0,1,6,8,0,0,3,0,0,3,6,5,0,1,9,5,21,3,11,16,0,16,0,3,1,0,10,4,0,1,9,85,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134728187267773,0.15762378131354055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481736554711165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505327746071302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018862032640586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605185957250613,0.14161515861151336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856199442625708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702713257087073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12498718918586252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704162422758616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498106274965487,0.14055697766692027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454589820669504,0.1061152150297858,0.296929337005799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182803803775538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3261950251445781,0.0,0.0,0.14840224313345118,0.0,0.0,0.17876685394339684,0.0,0.1377643196699348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654408652762984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11118353382461388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150086612441014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682063764593081,0.0,0.0,0.08135827625967762,0.0,0.0,0.13332232438470829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934127431218756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982294224404013,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hockey375,2019/02/03,"How do you get rid of symptoms like heart palpitations and eczema? I've been told by a therapist recently that I have trauma from growing up which accumulated in me getting heart palpitations and eczema over 6 months ago now. These are a pain in the backside because of having to take medication every day (for the heart palps) and the risk of something serious happening if I forget to take them or something. &#x200B; Has anybody else had symptoms like these and got rid of them? How do you go about doing that? Thanks in advance",7.40299319727891,8.18707610204082,7.035102040816327,73.71585034013606,63.48979591836735,9.798639455782316,35.72108843537415,9.725611199111238,3.4809333333333328,430,19,74,8,6,135,69,98,0.114,0.794,0.092,-0.327,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,2,1,4,7,0,1,5,0,9,7,3,2,0,9,18,8,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,4,0,7,3,15,14,0,13,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,7,50,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14129615719208755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270699134606068,0.19368525992481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971671615249023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279812152644116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315605502958505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13429916484551216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665571011601906,0.0,0.09058920264320518,0.0,0.1274846435864148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14095457403223122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5666599775159301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557470138251879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16057608783767652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722946555378473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696100474414496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573856799101015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454237764778267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33134981366445715,0.239693980458718,0.0,0.0,0.14675168899638816,0.0,0.18507264020812544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231102451458392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19368525992481,0.0 ptsd,Parzival_Wade2024,2019/08/24,"Is it possible to have PTSD without nightmares? I think i have PTSD but I'm not having any nightmares and I sleep without any problems. I saw a girl cutting herself in class and after a few months I started feeling bad and only about 3 weeks ago i found about PTSD.",1.7377987421383665,4.2581560188679255,2.771981132075471,90.92199685534591,83.15094339622641,4.2880503144654085,27.701257861635213,5.46131890053228,0.9462729559748432,211,10,40,1,6,67,37,53,0.13,0.778,0.092,-0.4335,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,2,0,4,1,1,0,0,11,10,4,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,2,7,0,7,8,1,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,5,27,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17134623841069854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26289734685001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139502532923494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09773683431697316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2119403204491559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428792099425442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701117384682166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179134649845036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18495924325575072,0.6778619852398757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19343672184863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136816699953346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385699268924474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505129415346305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37266306130708426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,The1TruWoo,2019/08/24,Thank you. Thanks to all who have reached out or just listened to me vent. We all are in this together. Much love to all.,-0.7837999999999994,1.338276920000002,0.06350000000000122,105.73925,99.8,4.1000000000000005,18.25,5.985473137389443,-0.508,93,3,23,1,4,28,21,25,0.0,0.6559999999999999,0.344,0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,7,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,5,6,4,2,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,0,18,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41431084295870413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33745480961309393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8452637321427192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thegoodguy101,2019/08/24,I just had my worst flash back in a while I once went to a hospital with an anxiety attack and I thought I was dying and I said I just dont wanna die and them is nirse not even checked on me said I'm pretty for sure no one does. I wanted to beat the shit out of him he has no idea how much I suffer and to hear that smart remark woohoo it's bad.,-0.7103749999999991,0.8644707125000011,1.7324999999999982,100.4525,85.625,5.0,15.0,5.985473137389443,-0.9728750000000002,267,4,71,2,8,91,63,80,0.218,0.581,0.201,-0.1665,0,0,0,0,0,1,2.0,0,0,1,1,5,7,2,0,4,0,5,1,1,1,1,15,12,6,2,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,1,1,4,5,0,1,6,3,12,2,10,6,2,6,0,1,0,0,6,3,1,0,2,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589466710386573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23637311316940485,0.0,0.1597655112858619,0.17348275288048368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312735694612383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182457597959886,0.0,0.2435097793462045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723287945383725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23417658970230465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345517471159664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15273792145602255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22127270960528608,0.14079315455657967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21138102664227892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.395281630185324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2132771992960904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582469593870885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649494820599175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255058847131485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926087368165832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,takenbydaylight,2019/08/24,"I am too scared to live my life how I want to. I know that the title seems dramatic, but please look at it in a literal sense. \-Backstory Time My mother was married four times, and her third husband, was addicted to pills. I didn't know it at the time, because he had been in my life since I was two, I just remembered being afraid of this man. He was 6'3 so being 8 (when the abuse started to get really bad) he looked and had this ..presence about him. You would get a feeling in the pit of your stomach in the same way that people afraid of heights would look up at a skyscraper. We moved around, a lot. 13 times in 10 years, mostly because he would lose his job because of his addiction to Oxycontin and Valium, he'd run out and not function. When his job prospects dried up, we moved. That marriage lasted 10 years. My mother, who by the way has her own issues like bulimia, body dysphoria, and being bipolar didn't help, claims that she didn't know what was going on. If I did ANYTHING outside of what Jim (his name) thought I should be like, I was beaten, like if I glanced at the TV for a second before my chores were done, my mom would inform him and I'd get my ass handed to me. On the weekends, females stayed in the house and did housework, males went outside and did yard work. Females were to wear only pink or clear nail polish, and the boys only received military style haircuts. Cartoons were on Saturdays only, the day we had our GI Party, aka a General Inspection Party or for normal people, a cleaning day. Everything was routine, anything falling out of line was ..taken care of. My mother acted like the Warden and He was the Judge, Jury and Punisher. I know, it doesn't sound too bad so far compared to what some people go through but when I turned 8 or 9, things got physical. He would drag me and my brother around the house by our necks, by my hair, choked us and stared us in the eyes while he screamed at us. I remember him throwing tennis shoes and glass ashtrays at me because I had a sinus infection and couldn't chew with my mouth closed. I cleaned my room, which Jim checked, and there was 1 sock on the floor, under my bed. He got in his truck and told me to go home, when I did, he started SCREAMING at me and TRASHING my room. He went through my stuff to see if I had a diary or something. I was a good kid, didn't do anything wrong (I was too afraid to) and we were poor, so no money (because of his addiction) to do anything. He was screaming that I was worthless (his favorite insult) that my father didn't even want me, and that I was a lesbian, the last one was kinda sprinkled throughout my life, which I'm not a lesbian. He also had two daughters who he cherished. This was a literal Cinderella scenario where my brother and I, although he won't admit it, were cinderella and they were the sisters with the big ass feet. My mother on the other hand has enforced his rules and ideals. Kept his addiction a secret from EVERYONE, and she KNEW that I was being beaten and berated on an almost daily basis. She mocked my weight, if I was talking to her about something the conversation would morph into something about her or what's going on with her. That part is still true to this day. So after she and Jim finished their super ugly divorce, I became mom, she worked two or three jobs. I was in high school, making dinner, making sure homework was done for my three siblings, baths and then bed. Everyday. I didn't get to see friends outside of school and Jim would frequently call the house and YELL that I was a fucking fat lesbian d\*ke and I wasn't worth the air I was breathing, saying that he would show up randomly and beat my ass if the house wasn't perfect. &#x200B; \-It's all downhill from here folks. So how do you think 16 year old me handled this? I had a nervous/mental breakdown. I was in and out of hospitals for 2 years because of failed suicide attempts, I was in the oldest mental hospital in the state and they diagnosed me this PTSD. Shocker. I was put into foster care for 9 months because my mother didn't to deal with me, so I went to go live with my real father. That didn't turn out so well, his girlfriend framed me for stealing her makeup, which she was darker than me.. so.. yeah. He sent me back because it was easier for him. That was almost 10 years ago, and my mom is still trying to control me. I'm 25 and live with MY family, in our own house, with my own job, my fiancee's family basically adopted me. I have a 2 year old son and I decided that the cycle ends with me. No more abuse, or so I thought. &#x200B; \-Almost up to speed I have issues with who I am at this point. Growing up, I was told what to do and what I could look like. I walk on eggshells all of the time, and I'm terrified of making men angry. I feel like I just realized that I am out of prison but I'm too afraid to express myself in what I want. I'm always on edge, always on the defense and I even get emotionally and sometimes verbally abusive because I feel like people are out to manipulate me or get me to do something for their best interest. I studder and getting my feelings into words can be very difficult which cause disagreements to escalate. I get frustrated because I can't say a word and then, finally, it comes out aggressive and loud. It finally came to my attention that I was starting these arguments based on assumptions and paranoia. I ask if I'm going to be fired or demoted at work from time to time. It was a week ago that I realized, other than the PTSD, that there's something else going on, that I am sick. I need help. I've tucked my pride away and I understand that my family deserves the best of me, and that I deserve to live without these mental shackles. I don't know why I can't let myself get a haircut or piercing or tattoo that I want. Buying things for myself can take a week unless it's a dire need. I can't be me, and I thought I was my own person, until I realized that I wasn't happy. I'm being walked all over at work, I just rolled with the punches. I feel like I'm awake and out of a trance or brainwashing. How do I know who I am? How do I know what my personality is? &#x200B; TL;DR abused as a kid, trying to find out who I am. &#x200B; thanks for reading guys, I feel a little better, feel free to inbox me or comment!",4.368521286967827,5.116438213891083,5.143262547007755,84.73694219787362,70.17600631412786,7.919732578114119,28.87589024560101,8.008105612284727,1.7951561892381265,4935,177,1000,62,85,1602,484,1267,0.133,0.762,0.106,-0.9932,4,0,5,0,4,1,184.0,10,3,4,18,40,52,9,5,58,1,115,36,16,10,7,192,199,95,1,25,29,16,12,8,3,10,14,8,11,9,64,79,4,3,32,6,6,24,23,25,1,9,79,30,175,28,142,97,15,148,0,3,10,7,115,70,4,28,58,690,239,15,0.0,0.18496823860036726,0.0,0.17018608560887108,0.0,0.0,0.06919232573839737,0.0,0.11724337640713572,0.0,0.0,0.03121085403544525,0.06494921230368862,0.16914824351903032,0.18969424026478887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284676010382756,0.06948678186645646,0.03648611798126264,0.0,0.03666829812764876,0.03001029269054898,0.06517386823730853,0.23791241124011994,0.0,0.03321014129628234,0.0,0.08191541966022113,0.034517289661065716,0.0,0.04335155497371425,0.0,0.0,0.039852177005204825,0.044637887304473337,0.07958374430392676,0.04009273353123946,0.0,0.0336193563836344,0.0,0.0,0.043773468211149566,0.031160858515823626,0.0,0.0,0.0755099209840845,0.04023638187263557,0.0,0.03961282252642158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987884027771719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0326030704469964,0.0439014952919136,0.03456741939726751,0.0,0.0,0.05155554344651517,0.0,0.0,0.03729313744688408,0.035076048258346364,0.0,0.11037699930891252,0.0,0.1381368875558074,0.08364530611185886,0.0,0.08550701630049892,0.03567108671215486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03015310653986673,0.03608096119352218,0.18351571061601424,0.0,0.15526446081631096,0.03273501988599278,0.062428866863540364,0.0,0.0,0.038644074553322166,0.0,0.04154626671809023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052319587381930384,0.041235458023262665,0.03914848758159428,0.0,0.0,0.22516663359710026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147064523151742,0.1549179477752942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014222614683018,0.06362641788140737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03990899996251618,0.08270035955777863,0.15253773814562813,0.039116530275708265,0.13785053581922255,0.0,0.13109550369486958,0.043662595990056764,0.0,0.033180397621583965,0.0,0.0,0.07815492123463147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07866253396651615,0.0,0.0,0.13712814134686258,0.031151953453878705,0.08296164431127022,0.0,0.05787786232671002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03823936986178781,0.0,0.0,0.08190710485319819,0.0,0.026446532440337515,0.0890481616842864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04226375980285159,0.0,0.10822901663464,0.06815587394525419,0.0,0.0428412664317604,0.036894283647104516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912438030415995,0.039234141523391185,0.0,0.0,0.039038782343535035,0.0444226595815052,0.025002477588902627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08842273203178441,0.0,0.0,0.062073615241288786,0.03907405750163518,0.07899728603803823,0.06220087787829162,0.035529826375819834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032284547513157937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022915540897985,0.03859990827346421,0.0,0.08287312657778262,0.04159889045239613,0.06233597501586605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044677975341862235,0.04269053896692455,0.0,0.03678363617942155,0.0,0.029344364884046206,0.031369405478312434,0.0,0.03593194206228099,0.0,0.0,0.05185723133544263,0.025007707967861142,0.0,0.09295214334930066,0.1593036856428532,0.0,0.0,0.07458627489376815,0.0,0.05299520002281079,0.08490299388649923,0.11437470195940452,0.0406297542077156,0.14083843244235222,0.0,0.0,0.03220236948692915,0.0920794231451537,0.06195757003873523,0.06261216908369914,0.047525858612930134,0.035091057557584265,0.10853865493435984,0.03521689877792235,0.0,0.0,0.037621812080320116,0.0,0.11365203812739405,0.0,0.0,0.2217962259870184,0.04267123264036746,0.18969424026478887,0.1507973674456403 ptsd,DaddyIssuesIncarnate,2019/08/24,"Abandonment issues So during the trauma period of my life a lot of friends/family just stopped talking to me abruptly. Combined with my Ndad(Narcissistic dad, for those unaware of the abbreviation. Also hence the name) being a big fan of the silent treatment has resulted in me over reacting when people do similiar things now. I just got kinda kicked out of a 8year friendship via this method. Its taking a lot of strength to not blow up on them right now, cause honestly I just want to know what I did. Just knowing would really help me stop thinking about it,its 3AM and I've been trying to sleep now for 2 hours meanwhile thinking about this. Any tips on how to deal with this in the moment and future?",5.228646616541353,6.9529028796992485,5.4782030075187995,79.47534962406017,69.07518796992481,8.327518796992482,28.33759398496241,8.841846274778883,2.2462036090225563,565,20,102,10,10,179,95,133,0.091,0.797,0.113,0.4706,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,13,4,0,0,9,0,6,2,1,4,0,27,13,6,0,2,5,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,9,2,24,8,2,20,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,3,11,71,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709583948616589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14537654550729592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196091578376166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22039599596263965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20153111489214787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709780011130479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432910593936511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105285207632797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22312895894015208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349738784908225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150997905070924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3634932585834111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14820692618905035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13695182551906784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825654633864477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139326450689012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35745639036451443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16073464420788006,0.1718268651747362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14202477479483236,0.2739609501553115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514140370819612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609195476360174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518619401525033,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,King_FatCat,2019/08/24,"i feel like i could have ptsd from a shooting hey guys. a couple of months ago there was a shooting at where i work, and 1 person was killed. i remember the whole night vividly, hiding under the tables with everyone else, fearing for my life. the weird thing is i was pretty fine on the way home, and thought i was coping fine. &#x200B; recently though, i have been really paranoid. my cats have been fighting and every time they fight and make loud noises i get really scared and on edge. i have been home alone a bit and i constantly feel like someone is home like an imposter. i don't know what to do. thanks for reading",4.342204007285979,5.728713803278687,4.495027322404372,86.9793897996357,70.80327868852459,7.38943533697632,25.850637522768675,7.793537801064563,1.337882331511839,492,15,97,6,9,153,80,122,0.18899999999999997,0.68,0.131,-0.8169,0,1,0,2,3,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,3,12,3,2,9,0,16,1,0,1,0,14,23,7,1,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,3,2,2,7,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,8,4,14,6,10,14,2,12,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,9,61,16,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269990530680642,0.0,0.0,0.14838315961153958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523157030637438,0.17408714499045275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641230779761067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15482256129183894,0.0,0.11438839443725815,0.1585240851158388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968261016502245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12071005398982652,0.13689937695108154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121711204054906,0.14488191305810258,0.20470236752280774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485197952110514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14185853192791562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4311305450873403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15850558310694104,0.0,0.07873672753111237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119491567061543,0.20998154161143606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563296587672736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435570484567564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444796421720032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509669764244166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14575576802454393,0.0,0.0,0.16747343669908688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14330746474122055,0.0,0.18356318821548406,0.0,0.14146055145635372,0.0,0.16229550196339312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343695631785816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139109966937794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190256486128996,0.0,0.0,0.09518135434892668,0.0,0.14076076463452486,0.11373933992468,0.08354112772310268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137200208454778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15995438065189918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430131569796892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408714499045275,0.0 ptsd,thespicyfoxx,2019/08/24,"I’ve been writing poetry to deal with my assault. POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING. NSFW. I was sexually assaulted about eight years ago. He was 21, I had just turned 16 about two months prior. He had invited me over to watch tv and didn’t mention his family wouldn’t be there. He was my ride because I still wasn’t very good at driving. I blamed myself for a long time and my parents still don’t know. I was a child and he took any feeling of security from me. He knows what he did and now he has a daughter. This is how I deal with it all when it gets overwhelming in my head. I hope it helps some of you who are going through the same things. Red streaks across my skin Which makes me come to realize That I am just a clump of raw meat Chew me up and spit me out And that’s where you’ll find me A spill on the floor Visceral Warm A mere open wound for you to squirm into But am I sleeping because my eyes are closed? Am I here because I’m present? Did I say yes because you didn’t hear no? My legs are heavy They throb I shake I shatter I suffocate Bruise Choke Spit Push Squeeze Rip Ache I am dazed My mind is in a cloud But still yet there is a carnal fear That has been instilled in me Which reads the tales of stoning Being tied and torn by horses And I had heard before Of such trials and tribulations Yet I am the one who must forgive the sins of the flesh And be grateful that a split second had occurred And let some small light into a wicked heart So that some latex was thought to be hastily grabbed and worn How jubilant am I! Blessed be the fruit! Tell me How am I supposed to forgive your sins of the flesh When my flesh was not yours To sin against? I have burned in your place at this stake For far too long You Though Slithering worm Will burn for much longer I will expose you just as soon As you crawl out from beneath my skin",1.836128310331965,3.7098737989556128,2.5727534502051483,96.10763446475195,78.63446475195823,5.839283849309959,22.431107795598656,6.742157984588678,0.3259511973144353,1447,44,331,14,35,451,216,383,0.114,0.797,0.08900000000000001,-0.8708,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,10,1,0,26,16,2,3,18,1,45,16,12,5,2,50,60,23,0,3,6,2,6,0,0,5,2,3,0,1,16,21,2,1,8,2,0,7,7,9,0,4,21,14,52,7,44,28,6,46,4,1,3,0,35,22,0,4,17,223,68,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12450963981464175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551786566233683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424933423158714,0.0,0.11952142631039847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209941683403617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2896169400836373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241353267734013,0.15805696237252645,0.07102098155351058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283782301268293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338474409404352,0.0,0.07982686306795538,0.11781149113963868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14415285862105284,0.0,0.15830904114726774,0.1664462103333891,0.09414762274076599,0.0,0.0,0.13950883668725067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438668790433085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436302410033872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2486060082576133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375838518524753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418249291944254,0.0,0.11211412429550636,0.0,0.10325453079348376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09517957933491863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15596461439149314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467511872987079,0.0,0.0,0.1583479584240876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14049837685101432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11169972093301887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405618050777948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336515489856394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12276855117092432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331562606772503,0.0,0.13800159671494,0.11150984125202244,0.08190356913084855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560566351454157,0.0,0.1527805443042996,0.13720936816715734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589451238146592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904518707110198 ptsd,SwimmingCampaign,2019/08/24,"I don’t believe I’m going to be alive within the next month and I’m so fucking scared Basically I’m planning on killing myself if certain things don’t work out the way I feel like I need them to and nobody in the world is either aware of it and if they are they don’t really believe it’s going to happen/take it seriously. My PTSD (probably C-PTSD) symptoms first started happening 5 and 1/2 years ago after me and my ex girlfriend broke up. It probably wouldn’t have been possible for me to develop PTSD symptoms from that if not for the fact that I grew up being violently abused by half my family and coldly abandoned by the other half. My ex girlfriend was the first person I ever had in my life who ever truly loved me and she was the first person in my life I was ever close enough to that represented a real “family” to me. But she also broke up with me suddenly to get back together with an ex that was abusive to her. Since like April 2014, I have felt completely incapable of loving anyone, having feelings, just being attracted to anyone on a basic physical level, etc etc, until about a year ago I reconnected with an old friend of my who was somebody I also had strong feelings for back in the day. She was the first person I ever dated and the first person to ever have feelings back for me the same way I did for them. She’s always meant a lot to me and I’ve always felt some kind of unexplainable inherent connection to her. We hung out a few times and I realized that she was the first person I had felt capable of loving or trust since me and my ex broke up. We hung out off and on and she’s acted kind of strange and was sort of come and go. We talked about that and sorted it out and we’re fine friends and all.... But basically, I want to be with this person more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I feel like this is the only thing that could ever make up for me losing my ex girlfriend. But I genuinely love this girl and feel I strong connection and attachment to her. The problem is, I’m almost certain she doesn’t feel the same way. And even if I talk to her about how I feel about her, I don’t believe she’s going to tell me she feels the same. I have been alone and in pain my entire life. I am sick of my whole life being about managing the pain I’m in and being alone and hoping that one day for some inexplicable reason it’s going to end. I haven’t felt this way about somebody in over 5 years. I don’t think I will feel this way about somebody again if it doesn’t work out. And if it doesn’t I am totally prepared to kill myself. I don’t want to do that, but even more than that I don’t want to continue living a life like what mine is.",5.687067624177139,4.8688321921005375,6.671107719928187,80.30329832435669,67.29443447037701,9.724691801316578,28.620526630760022,9.029198982220553,2.0266536684619987,2109,56,446,32,30,709,212,557,0.076,0.831,0.09300000000000001,0.6597,1,2,0,0,1,2,39.0,3,0,4,12,25,34,4,1,25,0,48,16,0,3,12,105,90,41,2,15,14,5,14,4,5,2,11,0,0,7,29,39,0,1,18,0,0,8,13,14,0,9,19,15,75,20,77,62,16,76,0,5,0,5,47,27,1,14,40,334,104,3,0.0,0.1309137005019085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794355482097412,0.0,0.05532035979415914,0.11443529519966765,0.0,0.08835956764302448,0.09193731628412748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772578367772523,0.0,0.045462316054325234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744107309428662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18672818513466247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047589082168675634,0.0579238260705207,0.0,0.0,0.04410901385006515,0.0,0.0,0.07125751790638205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04893109027085426,0.057083340392523524,0.12322660902762103,0.07297822615430168,0.3498088446053075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416102814311418,0.0,0.279337704718332,0.07893475215404974,0.2121772662164377,0.0,0.0,0.2819506204350446,0.0,0.0,0.08536502890727994,0.05107354844541799,0.02886347883143135,0.0,0.1569863737201828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09770677648525597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054871218864779164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224185845027408,0.11505931490982775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23412906311852996,0.10796058781734894,0.0,0.048782763724251305,0.0,0.0,0.06180555167558125,0.0,0.04696772450919209,0.19944478082876954,0.0,0.036876781400171615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04409640850093896,0.0,0.0,0.04096381731082,0.0,0.0,0.058754185982494336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797082934274485,0.0,0.03743576144106157,0.04201667074374157,0.11757015413509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894292902380631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062280968645429924,0.0,0.0,0.11912792497096622,0.05286245542795179,0.19373700038065936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288144165676085,0.0353916638623684,0.056801546108481725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05531035490060899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139925029201852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03910302927160325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484239658211205,0.0,0.08880843510833035,0.04828697737701985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07340527328666295,0.035399067601190465,0.0,0.0,0.03221407886627492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303408424627688,0.21925642016306945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061679596310997314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043872285007315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672881759396068 ptsd,sparrow_304,2019/08/24,PTSD dreams So nearly every night for the last 5+ years my dreams have taken place in the house I grew up in. It’s the house where the trauma that gave me PTSD took place but it’s also the only home I knew until I left very suddenly in the middle of the night 13 years ago. I’ll even have normal dreams but they always take place there. I’m begging this house to release me but it’s obviously my brain’s way of processing the trauma of leaving my home and not getting any closure.,1.4806930693069342,3.566623059405945,2.8361287128712886,92.71815346534656,80.78217821782178,5.228118811881188,18.020792079207922,6.2581,-0.2390522772277226,383,8,82,3,10,124,64,101,0.057,0.87,0.073,0.1655,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,8,0,2,1,1,0,1,8,9,7,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,1,2,0,0,4,0,9,0,11,5,0,22,0,0,0,0,2,11,0,0,8,45,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619822860048813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384946091487795,0.11845931545518215,0.0,0.0,0.09681327055665276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892673262097642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403092305473958,0.0,0.1199488863875321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437998154002669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856079620080617,0.0,0.0,0.4928112474320891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160467023349693,0.0,0.15074427286085734,0.15468029046828985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26720033753415634,0.13948774485776633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827520870040244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4462242419868654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328347816535873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10704097103988383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817306150770993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746626356667385,0.0,0.113002930655069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833571420546144 ptsd,MercuryPrincess,2019/03/03,"How do you deal with traumatic images/flashbacks and memories? TW DEATH I think I'm struggling with ptsd. There are a few situations that I struggle with but the most recent and currently most traumatic is seeing my uncle die, twice. First on boxing day and second on NYE. The first time, he'd collapsed outside my cousins house and we were only alerted because of blue lights outside. It was dark. We had a horrible feeling that we'd know who the body on the floor was, and we did. I cant get that fucking horrific image out of my head. They got his heartbeat back but he never regained consciousness. He was taken off life support 2 days later and died again on NYE. I was watching something with my boyfriend last night and a character shouted ""don't let him die"". Before I knew what was happening I realised I was crying uncontrollably and my boyfriend had wetsuits his arms around me and was trying to calm me down and comfort me. All I could hear was mums voice that night screaming ""don't let him die"". Please, please can anybody help me with advice on how to get rid of these flashbacks? I was in a first fire at the age of 11 and even now I'll get flashbacks but they've become easier in the last 13 years. I always struggle on the anniversary though. Please, I'm desperate. ",3.3897676465411024,5.72527122267207,3.7901637035733167,87.01656398521385,75.63967611336031,6.562858651645838,26.93346241858828,7.586124646067393,1.5758862524203487,1020,40,192,14,23,318,148,247,0.20600000000000002,0.6970000000000001,0.098,-0.9867,1,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,4,1,1,3,9,9,1,4,11,0,25,5,3,2,2,36,41,17,5,1,3,2,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,8,21,0,0,5,0,0,0,4,6,0,5,16,10,30,3,24,20,4,33,0,0,3,1,19,14,1,2,19,128,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527807964123324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964473334197905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590761473880086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284210355561833,0.0,0.0656746830574158,0.11898561683675685,0.0916751460151457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967007597898305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601819031451136,0.0,0.1183426081191106,0.13896122813912826,0.11107077655547196,0.0,0.0,0.4472505913767973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115841409983029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447440726776703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2749197954222728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959991908114016,0.16886237065061455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616608153238763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527032414842523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11056791046205862,0.0,0.12142596445429832,0.0,0.07221296907320851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431253350351593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920872346213332,0.17563795039774974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22033410615399454,0.07609691138544993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309241391989221,0.0,0.0,0.20220531340313752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193785498589162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3547843401718725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12593726856188073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637600691075864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585140470933443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210994413094906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829402057340356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3378862382691746,0.0,0.0,0.12225719620016312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903268670267396,0.10584977873598804,0.0,0.06282155334837125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07314546868153332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937825886750143 ptsd,leviathan-lavendar,2019/03/03,"Therapist recommendation (A story from my past) ¡ trigger warning ! Contains talk of bullying and sexual harassment Some context: My name is Katherine, and I’m a 21 year old college student at Oregon State University, or at least I was for the past two years. Currently, I live at home where I’m taking online courses and attending various medical appointments that were interrupting my school life. The primary appointment has been therapy, though, which I attend every week for an hour. Recently, my therapist has been informing me that I have some really bad ptsd, which has been a hard reality to come to since I live with my dad who is a war veteran and has incomparable ptsd. I’ve always felt like it was an insult to him and others to even consider myself a victim of the mental condition. My therapist has started giving me ptsd treatment, however, and a lot of things have come to light. So, here I am. My therapist has recommended I share some of my stories anonymously with other people as a means to cope. I also want to bring to light for other people that it’s okay to be haunted by a past experience, just because somebody is worse off than you doesn’t mean you don’t need help too. Hooooo... so here I go. I grew up with anxiety my entire life, which in my early years caused me to cry as a response to any confrontation. Of course, as you can imagine, this made me an easy victim. I also have mild ASD (autism spectrum disorder) which made it only easier to mess with me. I experience a plethora of things that moulded me into my current mindset. Girls from my sports team who would rake their cleats down my legs and tell me I’m worthless, boys who would tell me how ugly and disgusting I am, and ‘friends’ who would hit me and force into uncomfortable situations. These were all classic cases of bullying, but it was when the bullying turned into sexual harassment that it really began to hurt me. Boys would spread rumors about me, saying my vagina was disgusting and nobody would ever want to touch me. I was ugly and worthless, and people would talk about it right in front of me. They went as far as playing hangman games in our class free time where the answers were “(boys name) licks Katherine’s vagina”, and a chorus of “ewww”s would ensue. I was hit, harassed, and made a spectacle of in front of my peers for them to laugh at. I became isolated, bullied by even the ‘friends’ I held dear who would regularly start fights and leave me threatening notes in my locker detailing how disgusting I was. And I would cry. I would have massive breakdowns where my anxiety would take over and I became hyper sensitive to all the things they did to me. People spread rumors that I stalked them, took pictures of them in their sleep to save for later. I was lured in when people were nice, then beat down relentlessly later. The worst experience I had occurred on the bus when I was about 12. This older guy, in early high school I think, sat near me and my brother and always looked at me. Then one day he started making rape jokes and threats towards me, telling my brother how I was ‘hot’ and how my brother should fuck me. I was terrified, I barely understood what he was implying, but it scared me enough to send me shaking and crying home. My brother told my mom who called the school. The guy was banned from the bus, but never suspended or reprimanded further. Some days he would still climb in the bus, and nobody cared enough to do anything. I was conditioned into thinking I was nothing but a monster, a disgusting glom of oil and dirt. I was an ogre, bumbling around covered in rotting flesh. The rumors kept going until I would sit all alone whenever I could, and I stopped trying to interact with anybody. To this day, my body is like a giant ball of mucus, a deformed disgusting creature. I have ptsd episodes where I have severe panic attacks where all I can think about is how much of a gross, awful failure I am. I can’t breathe, I can’t speak, and only recently have I developed coping methods beyond self mutilation. Sometimes I lose consciousness all together, and I faint and crumple to the ground. I have a hard time trusting people with my emotions, and struggle to be emotionally involved with people anymore. 1 year ago my ex broke up with me, saying I was disgusting and they never wanted to touch me in any way shape or form. Then when I had a panic attack they began to accuse me of committing domestic abuse because I yelled at them. I lost all my close friends because my ex spread rumors about me. They follow me to this day, and I can’t feel welcome in my own town I worked so hard for. So, since I have to get all this off my chest somehow, I agreed to talk on the internet with some support groups. I want to spread awareness of the lasting affects that bullying can cause, and how much it can interfere with daily life for many years after. If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear it. 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The noise, people, space make me feel overwhelmed, dizzy, disoriented and I panic. I may been in a postion where flying alone will be expected of me in the next couple months. Has anyone ever looked into accommodations like having whoever drops you at the aiport, being able to go to the gate? If so, what was the accomodation and did it help? I'm guessing I will need medical documentation, and I have no doubt my psychiatrist will provide this. Thank you in advance for any sharing.",5.616372549019609,8.278465539215691,6.298627450980394,70.09049019607846,70.07843137254902,8.062745098039215,28.98039215686275,8.841846274778883,2.7078745098039216,463,18,72,9,9,151,80,102,0.16,0.7340000000000001,0.107,-0.7171,0,1,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,0,1,5,7,0,4,6,0,12,1,0,1,1,16,20,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,3,2,10,3,12,11,0,17,0,1,1,0,6,11,0,6,4,52,13,0,0.21366858299962235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212962129145565,0.0,0.0,0.17778937768899372,0.0,0.0,0.14530196344765808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940204127534365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23642022304768165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327546608039356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803725558719238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143277971311288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23538003338313165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321754724421892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438767683660466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794277959119479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262543831598626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21524861829710132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17054822443310982,0.0,0.0,0.15843254690943545,0.0,0.0,0.22723896203732225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5013880893640598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813089206835228,0.0,0.22323819219491972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23935771331200226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19671732394657868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TherapistWow,2019/03/03,Kava Kava as a treatment? I have PTSD with debilitating anxiety. Has anyone ever used kava as an effective treatment?,4.275833333333331,7.690396250000003,7.66,52.01833333333333,86.5,8.666666666666668,31.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,4.749666666666666,95,5,10,3,3,35,16,20,0.08,0.7559999999999999,0.16399999999999998,0.4137,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,9,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822724425379101,0.0,0.0,0.3494048842650141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.452011172542336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5841276175086713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43158409712175305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,InspectorLynley,2019/03/03,Better off dead I just want to kill my self now. Thirty plus years of bullshit. How do you fucking cope???????,-1.7628571428571431,-2.9838053809523792,-0.3723809523809525,103.07571428571433,150.42857142857144,1.2000000000000002,12.523809523809526,3.1291,-1.7853047619047622,81,2,17,0,7,25,21,21,0.41700000000000004,0.455,0.127,-0.9111,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,1,3,3,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,3,2,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,2,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40744193158202463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4258995033033213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5096840574185462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.48059903888088895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717262739456764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29666857427510923 ptsd,guessitwasntaphase,2019/03/03,"Help with flashbacks I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 15, and just given pills for my nightmares and went on my way without any sort of trauma therapy. The flash backs stopped so I thought it went away. Well here I am, 21. My therapist said I’d probably been walking around with PTSD the whole time and that normal people don’t see the world as dark as I do, and they don’t live one day at a time struggling to survive. I got a trauma therapist after I was raped in November. I really thought I was doing better. The nightmares sure hadn’t stopped but the flashbacks were much less frequent. Then all the sudden it’s much more intense and nearly constant. The past couple days it’s felt like I can’t even close my eyes. It’s always there, waiting for me to lose focus at any moment, to stop controlling my thoughts. Please make it stop",3.4236919104991443,5.329549596385547,3.8198278829604138,88.7951807228916,74.12048192771084,6.670567986230638,26.314974182444054,7.447530270364453,1.3149841652323584,667,24,132,8,14,208,108,166,0.132,0.777,0.091,-0.7053,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,4,9,9,1,1,9,0,13,4,1,2,2,28,25,11,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,10,0,6,4,0,0,3,5,5,1,1,16,4,17,4,20,9,6,30,0,1,2,1,3,9,0,1,18,87,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025757665899644,0.0,0.0,0.16766423822848212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974205329071574,0.0,0.0,0.11582215261998845,0.09479187411630677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902787953875112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13321789797086658,0.1382648656943019,0.0,0.1364028938720314,0.0,0.15900604498735332,0.0,0.0,0.12512286118084726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142284106943927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11836459130399665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859532777592744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262951301516168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06022657884989641,0.0,0.10885524154148248,0.0,0.0,0.1379146596588861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228789515245405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18124454654722302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078461118664872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353521905791972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768118828918488,0.08546427242771745,0.0,0.0,0.13532037079603376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291271401053809,0.0,0.28820682227255434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897396178843076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726400218496826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823525959178056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4122580652967947,0.0,0.128875166889586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618646463111085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097720578585887,0.28626659824024336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936028635929517,0.14376681714248413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09785099799299243,0.0,0.0,0.11084020888787112,0.2285567515425852,0.0,0.13763359928861413,0.0,0.1188339651171798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,xenonscreams,2019/03/03,"Multiple traumatic events and PTSD I have PTSD from a traumatic event that happened in 2009. Recently, I had another traumatic event happen. The two events are very different, but cause anxiety over similar things. My psychiatrist mentioned that because of this, my PTSD (which had not been much of an issue for a while) might resurface in this context. I realized yesterday that it had, though with the flashbacks and triggers instantiated to the new event. Does anyone have PTSD from multiple traumatic events? If you have it following one traumatic event, is it more likely to experience similar symptoms following a different traumatic event? In this case, does it make sense to even consider them the ""same"" PTSD? Just curious what people's experiences here are. I know medical advice isn't cool here, but I'm also curious if people with relevant experiences can share how they personally coped and healed.",8.202467532467535,10.339648337662341,8.029740259740263,62.42889610389614,62.376623376623364,13.392207792207792,38.675324675324674,12.563389971838223,6.142423376623375,740,38,108,30,11,237,96,154,0.161,0.787,0.051,-0.9614,2,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,2,0,7,3,0,0,8,1,13,3,0,4,0,19,20,11,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,13,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,4,1,9,3,14,15,3,18,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,3,13,78,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445636377832075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366741386357684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281917571785828,0.0896027855436352,0.0,0.0,0.08189879109476206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140028998117705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12032297034640045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447481695815541,0.0,0.0,0.20499943008054614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736210004830557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437216913362889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071522374870509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225145515029355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06437061935899636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057222943308737284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07818401193001344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799438262601432,0.0,0.12425455653684807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610273578662171,0.0,0.0,0.11312318726813075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936912897456591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624039521900277,0.10227186421771403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6845832424417242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565000981927424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217410924100523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781480032234653,0.0,0.11507790436667477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441727432159927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664306739874767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anklet73,2019/03/03,"Question for those whose PTSD was caused by someone else’s purposeful actions. Did you seek any type of justice? Did you get any? For those who didn’t receive any justice ...were you able to make peace with them getting away with what they did? I’m in the process of trying to get justice through a different state agency and I’m trying to be hopeful, but I feel like nothing will happen; just like when I went to the police. I’m really torn up I don’t know how I’ll handle it if he gets away with it a second time. Is it possible to really just “move on” ? It’s always on my mind and I’m so sick of reliving what he did and the processes I’ve gone through trying to get something done about it. :(",1.5716071428571432,3.6170899305555584,3.007539682539683,91.82000000000002,80.25,6.0587301587301585,23.48015873015873,7.1686216300943375,0.8398408730158731,546,19,117,7,14,178,89,144,0.084,0.794,0.122,0.4231,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,3,2,0,6,3,0,0,5,0,12,1,0,3,0,18,28,8,0,2,4,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,6,0,0,3,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,10,1,9,3,24,16,0,14,0,0,0,0,11,6,0,3,4,72,20,1,0.15890971032635862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222560898300847,0.0,0.0,0.32419215680425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29860180767879824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324404619948096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602682508329908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626198059368578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327486721290135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034952424356114,0.11352512880881205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4151188244455078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405233320342213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15783319816760788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733262094741467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15527051525189084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060734655969678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045350736335384,0.0,0.0,0.16889587344027654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247815287672892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791468217702453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575694754678326,0.0,0.1780152437612089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036032591015067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346436818780224,0.12233645863524815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09266153000933856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3236677866127657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14731089352079574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tomiek,2019/03/03,"Can you get PTSD from hearing/seeing your dog get beat in the past? Someone I know said they get shaking up, anxious, or cry whenever they hear their dog yelp in pain. It also takes them a while for their sounds to get out their head and gets uneasy when people walk around their dog. Is that actual PTSD or...something else entirely?",4.325156249999999,6.050202453125002,3.9676250000000017,89.41487500000002,71.34375,6.995000000000001,23.7375,7.554174236665415,0.9339100000000004,263,7,52,3,5,79,52,64,0.192,0.8079999999999999,0.0,-0.9013,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,7,1,3,2,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,5,11,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,3,10,0,8,10,0,10,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,1,3,29,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.19217616557204686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748558170584567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224758799766104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17531026627272472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21631936314204486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164510509994721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.514441375741745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021079335265787,0.0,0.2219554538904968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082280807846572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095483783942247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18799284171962027,0.1365271006586441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4604034026989712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18732639704483592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685892535176086,0.15160703966570307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480675398470134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,soullessmindwanderer,2019/10/03,"Feeling it all and nothing at all NSFW?? *Possible trigger* It can sneak up on you out of nowhere the exhaustion and the realisation. The realisation that you have been fighting yourself, your own thoughts. Fighting a battle that shouldn't have to be fought a battle you didn't choose to fight. It's not just the images of what happened it's reliving it. Feeling what happened, your own mind tricking you. Feeling its real yet knowing its not. Not anymore at least. No one else understanding your situation because its not even something you even know how to explain. How do you even get someone to understand what you've been through, what you're going through? Waking yourself up screaming in the middle of the night because your partner has tried to hold you in your sleep in attempt to comfort you from a nightmare you were clearly having. Not even knowing where all of these feelings came from yet also feeling nothing at all. I am broken. Not any kind of glue in the form of love, friendship or support can glue the pieces back together. Only I can. Only time can. Feeling it all and nothing at all is too overwhelming for anyone to handle, especially with the Stigma. being called a nutter, or some people just not understanding. feeling ashamed and disgusted. You are no longer a person. You're a statistic. You are a mindless, soulless being with no being within. Having to try and carry on with everyday life with a smile. Like nothing is wrong. Like this thing hasn't eaten away at your insides leaving you as a hollow mass of nothing, pulling you into the darkness. You can feel it slowly pulling at your soul like a toy to use you and drain you of all of your being whenever it wants with no notice or care in the world. I just needed to bleurgghh on some page here on reddit at midnight... Can't sleep as per usual.. An I'm assuming some of you can relate. There's more..but I'm just too drained to keep writing. It was a bad one tonight.",3.67825698757764,6.166843013586957,4.126332298136647,84.2059347826087,75.38586956521739,5.944844720496894,29.536024844720487,6.9916214562510826,1.765570093167702,1551,70,273,16,35,487,185,368,0.105,0.772,0.12300000000000001,0.4482,0,0,1,0,5,0,47.0,0,25,0,1,19,22,8,2,23,0,30,7,3,4,8,69,62,14,0,3,14,0,8,3,1,1,2,1,0,2,21,14,1,2,18,1,0,4,15,14,0,2,9,9,28,8,55,47,16,38,1,1,0,1,35,26,0,7,11,213,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779699893088833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06615562204218974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964783707876729,0.06802237726473452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140036818583933,0.07480444802025675,0.08122705248343286,0.11860535172714395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933658875039053,0.11126557661509004,0.09918627128077487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126727432155867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570174179684339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39351274697269467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050826234027365164,0.0,0.05528804214078678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172053670893309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864693990827648,0.0,0.1013050384672776,0.16039220468111345,0.0,0.0,0.10300841075885238,0.0,0.0,0.06871370001382489,0.14258234777024895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878015013812257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822786917281696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213394398691478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09129329294330127,0.0,0.4667272251821423,0.11075708257257123,0.0,0.0,0.13184265022995162,0.14797586616250952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744362619694705,0.08494356556906464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967171027133718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110729094309459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934991355737443,0.19470606018704545,0.0,0.08242737840881513,0.07489303195271522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039533867120396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646303520913042,0.0,0.0,0.0772316556771867,0.0567263676355707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13209723498224699,0.0,0.0,0.3038243946548398,0.0,0.0840210815530814,0.10714323115535243,0.0,0.057379900401355224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636344126733206,0.0,0.0 ptsd,andilyne,2019/10/03,Survivor’s Guilt Does anyone else suffer with survivor’s guilt? It makes my anxiety so much worse because I usually feel useless then I feel guilty that I’m the one who’s still alive from the accident. I’m working on my anxiety and I’m going to therapy but I wanted to know if anyone else who has ptsd also suffers with survivors guilt and what you do to maybe help lessen the guilt.,3.0323376623376603,5.181570675324679,4.024675324675325,85.79987012987014,76.01298701298701,6.997402597402598,26.584415584415584,7.957251820313856,1.7364077922077925,310,12,59,5,7,100,52,77,0.301,0.636,0.063,-0.9348,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,3,7,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,11,11,7,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,1,0,2,6,0,7,11,1,5,0,3,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,33,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304448494332635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119385796158983,0.0,0.0,0.2851182852336445,0.41780272103096655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12428466875086852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17841864695783613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406347562655332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206177886134765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587092661990135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665791021685034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120482998938826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609292100770656,0.0,0.20482702738002145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498768422173769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815582410448732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383273276388522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16282055159976572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23315701167658198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22454738844626956,0.0,0.12025497687062905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842863638236148,0.0,0.2077733331295812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,llumiina,2019/10/03,triggered by catcalling i was feeling really good today- i exercised & took a shower and i felt really proud of myself. i even went out to the grocery store. but while i was in the parking lot this man cat called me and now i’m back to feeling like shit. i was even wearing the least sexy least attractive outfit possible and i still got fucking cat called. i fucking hate feeling like i’m just some sort of sex object it’s a fucking reminder that people don’t fucking respect me and it just fucking sucks i was doing so fucking good,1.7535268505079813,4.422793075471702,3.174905660377359,86.82299709724239,85.22641509433961,5.525689404934689,26.078374455732945,7.010146845296331,1.5021910014513793,430,19,78,6,13,140,67,106,0.171,0.63,0.2,-0.1103,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,8,16,9,0,5,0,6,10,2,1,0,16,23,7,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,5,0,0,4,1,1,2,1,9,0,0,8,4,12,7,7,15,4,9,0,0,0,7,3,2,8,3,7,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14239803132422355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105707300749177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683975396475079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360884719582148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19935602487215776,0.1877789040278653,0.12618781152309974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7289971544987716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22046471379882773,0.10511191312690214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975415725694728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841442017187482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173212802146376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09111297037616277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14816100278884145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838737489992056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349050200298497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049555104831655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457474441843115,0.0,0.14601708658013204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183152059349794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,A_T_ohgeez,2019/10/03,"It's been a rough day. Tw: chokeholds and talk about sexual assault, mentions rape. Context: More than a year ago, I was assaulted. The assailant had been groping me before he tried to get me in a chokehold and render me unconscious so he could rape me. Thankfully I was able to get out of it and escape. When I reported what happened to me, the case resulted with my assailant being found not guilty and was free from any charges. It has left me so mentally scarred, and I no longer believe in the justice system at all. I was diagnosed earlier this year with PTSD from this and other events. One of my triggers is people touching my neck with little to no warning, and people coming up behind me and touching me. Last night I was hanging out with some friends. We were goofing off and ended up rough housing and play fighting. One of the bigger guys came up behind me and grabbed me, putting me in a chokehold. I started freaking out and went straight into a panic attack. He didn't know what was happening. In a matter of seconds, I was reliving the assault and the time I spent during the case trying to have the assailant found guilty. I smelled the bedroom we were in, I felt his arm around my neck, I felt everything again. I went through the assault and the months that followed all over again. My boyfriend was with us last night and held me while I just stood there crying and trying to breathe normally. I pulled away and went to find my shoes. All I could say was ""I'm sorry."" I was so shook up. I went home after spending some one on one time with my boyfriend and felt a bit better. Waking up this morning, I just felt like I did before, just so sad and weighted down. I've wanted to cry all day. It's been playing in my mind on repeat. I won't let anyone touch me anymore today, I just cant stand it. I know I'll be better in a few days. I'm just so shattered all over again. It hurts.",3.2407777872850185,4.973765251989391,3.8324788226234285,89.24619748438438,74.19893899204244,6.243826473859844,27.28065371780611,6.828538100315305,1.2018160177975532,1488,57,298,13,31,469,189,377,0.159,0.755,0.086,-0.9864,1,0,0,0,2,0,45.0,3,0,0,2,17,21,8,2,19,0,28,10,6,2,5,65,55,26,0,4,6,0,11,1,1,1,1,1,2,1,13,34,1,1,9,2,3,11,6,13,0,5,32,13,48,9,51,17,10,66,0,2,0,2,13,29,0,2,25,211,61,1,0.09239867939584093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190585426711539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628342704748975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09163466169487523,0.0646073050098763,0.0,0.0,0.08225441431991735,0.0,0.10511683691922603,0.08681160087092349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572489413631099,0.10410167058062472,0.0,0.1634382464531703,0.10087542685210647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567947393978712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959328076131103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754565389721594,0.0,0.2029912212171996,0.17876851277486988,0.0,0.0,0.093782714609857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183780456368364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304197513974088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35486888907154435,0.0,0.08445071902458251,0.0,0.0,0.2026207655452146,0.07138699049639237,0.0,0.09654899273894553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09148921950156316,0.16341569407683462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926834091618527,0.0,0.0,0.10661567033863502,0.0989146973281897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155979552346063,0.15063451199013975,0.0,0.0,0.1003914355184683,0.09448390988430666,0.0,0.0451413275152348,0.09260775075867758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09311613642968024,0.0,0.09329632628715183,0.0,0.07375174435893878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734198027095921,0.09053108771072396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25044694582095955,0.0,0.0,0.10840994186338776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811522042871212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080091116312248,0.09288619347931434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347913846700757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343275679234257,0.06540026084976909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426655849860785,0.0,0.08506828983360566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077568260124228,0.0,0.08758314417325408,0.0,0.0,0.18819791430350213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111442345638707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05449913507490155,0.0,0.0,0.1125166991549762,0.0,0.34261800601080405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190034402424404 ptsd,NolieMali,2019/10/03,"The Past Won’t Go Away! I agreed to be disposed in a case at a law firm I already dealt with and thought I could write off. I want to scream, “JUST GO AWAY!” Luckily they get 30 minutes before I head off to my anxiety group.",1.3493749999999984,2.680558520833337,2.8566666666666656,95.955,78.375,6.466666666666668,24.5,7.1686216300943375,0.6976499999999994,171,6,42,2,4,56,38,48,0.094,0.75,0.156,0.4374,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,8,8,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,1,7,0,10,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3296960965777832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22855544002995395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5614016413204899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542281587123906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385406196769771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15609308677556782,0.0,0.3395916036150384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30662046924693903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852062872413422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23718710941576385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762201340296015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,capaldis,2019/10/03,"I’m done letting one stupid event ruin my education. Today’s THE day and for the first time in 4 years, I’m not hiding in my room. I’m going to class and tbh it’s not going great. I just want to email my professors and go back home and cry. But I’m so fucking over letting my PTSD wreck my college education. I skipped so many classes my freshman year because I was too scared to leave my room after getting triggered and wasn’t able to recover. Took a year off and now I’m at a new school to get a degree in photography and follow my passion. Honestly I would’ve stayed in if I could, but midterms are coming up and I need to be in class. But fuck it is going Very B A D. I can’t take 3 steps outside without something triggering me. The fact that the accident happened at a school event is super duper not helping. It’s like every little thing is setting me off and I’m just so frustrated. And it’s like once one thing triggers me, it will keep getting worse the more it happens until I have a full on flashback and flip. (I’m calling it if/when that happens) If I can make it a few more hours I’m golden but man I don’t know if I can do it. Am I just being too stubborn? I know a single day won’t wreck everything but I feel like I need to do this for me. Thoughts/tips for not losing it?",0.7070783909231579,2.668818819494589,2.7945680763280047,92.64717960288813,82.82671480144404,5.401186178442496,22.88924703455389,6.5431188927421005,0.4953312016503353,1011,36,226,10,28,341,146,277,0.18600000000000005,0.7609999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9885,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,10,15,5,1,13,0,22,3,0,4,1,42,54,23,0,7,16,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,3,1,15,12,0,2,3,0,0,8,9,8,0,3,4,1,27,7,25,43,5,42,0,2,0,3,4,16,2,3,19,143,42,8,0.11740716785644086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027886496963416,0.0,0.07157031979135273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11988584528973585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113587916721567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937400700251702,0.0,0.12896626087441915,0.15143582082949258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014829561515825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892060264867933,0.0,0.10551799201148326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059364591758897564,0.08387570417570273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986647700120907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170820696187627,0.18402119820851964,0.0,0.2669007965682413,0.0,0.0,0.1294418170454394,0.0,0.0,0.3114683123769731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07869554977728982,0.0,0.117768962155347,0.0,0.11562241046561725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043568853243112,0.0,0.0,0.1290478179824015,0.0,0.0,0.12431723850320744,0.0,0.2401135674244052,0.0,0.17207763524861502,0.11767282616185212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313485892408974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837019622577382,0.11903244042276548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411185460945752,0.0,0.11339257432612085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12503480201166825,0.15911627092182176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13724269634835354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754505687033047,0.2376446438805178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038577381113423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12514041941420911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08827557872572088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15600021078454415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846106374052399,0.0,0.11128826706810008,0.0,0.13044368345845392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968732093548789,0.06924978951655694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317632012905368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196479344206763,0.08340268346900535,0.0,0.0,0.2268191002630342 ptsd,MariaJane83,2019/10/03,"Therapy It feels like I’m shedding these hardened layers, these armadillo shields that have fused with my flesh. Every attempt to loosen them is painful and real even though no one can see the hold they have on me. I’m left feeling emotionally raw and vulnerable but also incredibly hopeful and alert to keep those shields from fusing to my flesh again. Slowly I can see this foreign underbelly as the layers peel away. I can see a softness I miss, a new carefree and joyful feeling, and I feel lighter all over. My muscles ache less, my steps aren’t weighted down and my mind feels sharper. Some days the very shields I have loosened from my flesh suddenly surround me, blocking my vision, shortening my breath. They threaten to overtake me and fear multiplies and captivates my thoughts. They can render me powerless if I allow it. These looming towers of shame, guilt and anger...they look so powerful hovering over my tender, pink exposed flesh. Yet when I uncurl my body, my long lines stretching and flexing new found strength, I suddenly see I am the powerful one.",6.9562375448385785,8.376177186528505,6.218652849740933,76.92055799123159,64.69948186528498,9.04726982861698,37.125946592267844,9.265573868473778,3.57800231167796,859,43,143,15,13,262,124,193,0.152,0.669,0.17800000000000002,0.873,5,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,4,5,7,10,0,3,6,0,10,9,6,1,1,29,27,17,0,2,2,0,7,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,11,1,3,7,0,0,1,2,5,0,2,2,13,29,5,14,25,3,18,0,1,6,0,4,8,0,3,10,92,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207239230776858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14183337621984324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16768428643449276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735773204766246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981146157030347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970870156575956,0.0,0.12719164427426946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987375026205162,0.3816535602952947,0.10784698478494628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655215834128953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993891396510045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418159089549106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16402020122071245,0.0,0.0,0.07375220390246158,0.0,0.0,0.1335962501318451,0.12676970875193266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15242816413315252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915992743848124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204590950595132,0.0,0.16063376748716776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718273307142891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4811873451341961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17263772615461834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14831898844712282,0.11984663402527652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455911563471544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838305383400413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ifailatlifelol,2019/10/03,"Mom with PTSD Dear redditors I hope this is the right place for this Last summer I learned that my mother had been raped, twice. She never told this to me or my sister and I'm not sure if even my father knows. My mother was in a fight with my grandmother when she said she was raped. My mother does not know that I am aware of this. I know that she struggles with depression and anxiety, I found a note (she writes down most things as she is kind of forgetful) where she had written she got diagnosed with ptsd and that she is on medication now. There are times when I actually see she's feeling good but right now she is just lying in bed all day. I don't say this as an insult but I know my own struggles with depression and how hard it can be, sleeping most of the time is one of the best ways to ""avoid life"" in my opinion. Our family doesn't really talk about mental health or anything actually. I have a very ""bland"" relationship with my parents. They support me and they want me to have a good life but fail to see past my own struggles. I have been lurking around this forum a bit, trying to understand what PTSD is and how to help her with it, but as I've said before we do not really talk. I just wonder what I can do for mom, and I thought this would be the best place to ask. Thank you for reading this",3.5732631578947363,4.46056194814815,4.3743274853801175,89.0113157894737,72.1111111111111,7.906432748538013,23.840155945419106,8.20500826718156,1.0515185185185183,1026,26,229,15,19,330,139,270,0.153,0.733,0.114,-0.8635,1,1,0,0,1,0,24.0,2,1,2,3,13,21,4,4,10,0,26,8,1,2,3,52,48,21,0,4,12,8,2,0,0,1,5,3,1,0,17,16,0,1,10,1,0,0,6,11,0,2,13,7,43,10,31,32,8,23,0,3,2,2,37,11,0,8,11,165,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.19326931888168056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575428038716084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148959623851164,0.08815374074781704,0.09257552872705846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426345579385923,0.0,0.20784242625752256,0.0,0.10811026131630608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386329236076324,0.0,0.17058113501745475,0.10050885631729524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665793262625297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540544674858294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335248249371886,0.0,0.050070297220424616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857641248605886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16611587866885927,0.07919978443159367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870744885331176,0.0,0.0,0.10525953690159526,0.0,0.0,0.06637474377448317,0.0,0.0,0.09835472229489392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311987959739667,0.21768742648037007,0.08071904606849348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13988935948938047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09975783109117824,0.09979447082723623,0.0,0.0,0.2319550720644666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07637461462005353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710228051443752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099561626386022,0.0,0.09453109953991992,0.0,0.0,0.20692126199242308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472667322671146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905235514968434,0.0,0.1268766155647338,0.0,0.0,0.10631638939680144,0.0,0.16913456995324808,0.1883919634760412,0.07874909786118386,0.0,0.0,0.1578210967751404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909707250077687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105690401305081,0.0,0.0,0.11237302906276964,0.093330415956076,0.0,0.0,0.15918598407753984,0.0,0.09116942877600648,0.0,0.0,0.06578818020137657,0.0,0.0,0.07861523133532562,0.11548519775681615,0.0,0.0,0.09462316376900236,0.0,0.06723185328495929,0.0,0.0,0.10308909760587076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170645567301853,0.05840783943445822,0.07860187822564807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1073889928826463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034491481444735,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kanijn,2019/10/03,"why does everything fucking suck my sleep meds arent working and no matter how many things or what I do my brain keeps going to truama I've tried everything to make my brain shut the fuck up. I was drawing, sewing, watched a movie, read a book, played like 4 diff games, held my snake, played with my bunnies. fucking everything. literally teeny tiny things keep making my brain go back to it. ik I prob didnt eat enough today (recovering from anorexia) so I had a brownie and half a bag if gummy bears but I has so little apitite I semi-involuntary purged not to mention my fucked up leg gave out when I threw up and it's really really weak now no one is up but idk who I'd even talk to because I cant tell anyone. I just wanna fucking sleep but it's not happening the only person who knows about it is my bf, who has similar trauma so it's hard for us to help each other with it. which is prob a good thing and for the better but I have _no_ idea how go tell anyone else. I only told him to begin with because I was black out drunk and even then I literally just said ""this thing happened by this person"" and nothing else. the only person i feel i could tell is my friend sofi, I've known her for like 10 years. but I dont even know how to start. I dont just wanna dm her and be like ""hey what's up OH ALSO I just got a flood of repressed memories that are making me wanna kill myself and I'm paranoid I made it all up, how was class?"" god everything just fucking sucks rn",0.2900446077145133,2.5583517961165043,2.2929169946645693,93.49818420362112,87.67313915857605,5.023388436980671,17.736464619959765,6.5153245180268975,-0.1141233097174843,1151,29,252,13,37,383,171,309,0.129,0.763,0.10800000000000001,-0.8906,1,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,1,0,0,2,20,20,9,1,10,0,20,15,6,8,1,51,51,25,1,5,14,0,2,3,2,0,1,1,0,3,21,14,2,4,5,6,0,4,10,12,0,2,12,5,34,8,29,37,3,22,0,0,2,6,23,10,8,2,11,159,55,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632594901738192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598516108596595,0.08498037202563345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377464521571738,0.0,0.10111717186972187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335243026922791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777606397240429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06621970391810475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07258010650276876,0.0,0.19440678603750805,0.0,0.0,0.08486686857279149,0.1385690750930293,0.0,0.0,0.08569771957038921,0.0,0.16434044110008614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981593756931131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04193623589610945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407813784293184,0.4600522606466156,0.0,0.0,0.14140771166089566,0.0695649422978171,0.0663335555653441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466846171541995,0.0,0.07429667302508175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05559197901735451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362755664007401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14743923374787235,0.09175924563278423,0.0,0.09116174434025427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155879608401456,0.08312624159073224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847848569225828,0.16608642991244946,0.08408669802922585,0.0,0.0,0.0921260604322256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958180024387589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056201325357271334,0.1892355725112828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172562956172668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296102005018514,0.0,0.10626515070600068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889357822745018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599694588236752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05870435075851794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06666288548519847,0.21747591246602446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204028174192883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861607200453094,0.07925136332992253,0.0,0.05630984866493996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997648946020602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748391642933604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060380270898693675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340972349873445 ptsd,ilikeacid123,2019/10/03,"Physical issues caused by ptsd Can anyone relate? I’m talking poor posture that can’t be corrected no matter how hard I try. My shoulders are hunched forward and my left shoulder rests up higher than my right shoulder. When I try to correct it by tucking my left shoulder down - it hurts like a bitch. It also gives the illusion that my shoulders are uneven and my posture in general looks extremely poor. I’m not sure if this comes from muscle tension or what but it’s damn annoying. I’m wondering if anyone else has similar issues or any issues with their posture or physical comfort level that can be attributed to ptsd. The trauma I attribute this to is 2 car accidents (1 major one) and a history of drug abuse. (Cocaine, lsd, mdma, weed, and alcohol).",4.992291933418695,6.834479253521131,5.9811651728553175,75.1731177976953,69.84507042253522,8.82560819462228,34.03585147247119,9.339509955726095,3.5382591549295777,602,30,98,13,11,199,97,142,0.21899999999999997,0.742,0.039,-0.9776,0,0,3,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,3,9,3,1,4,0,9,7,5,4,3,23,16,13,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,10,6,1,0,1,0,2,3,3,6,0,1,0,2,10,3,12,14,2,11,0,1,1,0,3,8,2,6,3,62,20,0,0.0,0.187243356326138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16888930004598604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637899582378034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746791260183153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210008059539768,0.1619235644636805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623435038898373,0.0,0.13613150396910956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326819894068555,0.0,0.13201635877006188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159972907905486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415665975242492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16917767910983056,0.0,0.0,0.4948364271824265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434068044947333,0.0,0.0,0.0772069796223065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270798433739453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070873039563464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3694644238329519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495938560696494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489443062923944,0.0,0.0,0.12702100235500852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145881735487621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17138013245191508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thisyellowlifeofmine,2019/10/03,NSFW I’m waiting for the gun to go off I was carjacked at gunpoint about 3 years ago. And at times I have panic attacks where I’m just waiting for the gun to go off,-0.38364864864864856,1.5005921891891916,2.0499324324324317,96.84084459459463,86.56756756756758,3.7,22.763513513513516,3.1291,-0.22704864864864804,129,5,30,0,4,44,25,37,0.282,0.718,0.0,-0.875,0,0,0,3,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,9,7,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,18,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3778664974006706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4849486198503979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4845230809578506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5001411117907795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485640054710688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745067098402456 ptsd,R_Lau_18,2019/10/03,"NSFW: Do I have PTSD? NSFW: MULTIPLE TRIGGER WARNING So I had surgery for an anal fissure three times over summer, and had multiple traumatic experiences; a couple of times I took so much paracetomol/cocodamol that I thought I was going to die as I drifted off to sleep (wasn't trying to kill myself, more that I took dangerous amounts out of desperation because the pain was not being treated properly), aswell as the image of the sheer amount of blood that was pouring out post-first operation (not to mention the sheer amount of sleep-curbing pain I was in for about a month) burned into my mind. I'm not sure if I have PTSD, but I feel like I may well do - I've been experiencing really bad mood swings, losing my temper and finding myself in totally uncontrollable rages at times, finding myself hardboring violent impulses (particularly toward women, which I personally find incredibly disturbing), and generally feeling overcome by emotion at least once a day. I've also been feeling incredibly anxious about socialising due to the fact that I don't want people talking to me about my illness as I'm shook to discuss it, aswell as general anxiety/panic attacks which have often come at random. I guess I just need some reaasurance here because I'm not sure if I do have PTSD and I don't want to make anyone feel less valid here because obvs, my experience has been incredibly trivial compared to some of the stuff some ppl have seen. I feel like I'm fucking losing it, and every time I drink now I begin to feel suicidally depressed. I don't know what to do.",9.291929307805596,8.154078941580758,9.466256750122728,64.21585051546393,60.271477663230236,12.30054000981836,40.71698576337752,11.35114627814755,4.7652511536573385,1256,58,209,29,14,418,162,291,0.225,0.726,0.049,-0.9943,0,0,1,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,0,2,12,23,7,3,10,0,25,8,3,2,4,48,49,15,3,5,8,0,6,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,10,9,1,1,11,1,0,6,8,16,1,1,14,8,29,6,38,33,11,27,0,3,1,1,5,11,1,9,12,142,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154492762355851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151964474091712,0.0,0.07129940623754384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11600496347531974,0.0,0.0,0.08514022657507271,0.18647888007123328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878376471191932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282725043080978,0.0,0.06576185573684246,0.0,0.08782613280470904,0.0,0.10582818409927636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09989123506642428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470189992492523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08591365457857454,0.0,0.0,0.19949136550652616,0.0,0.0,0.30935288872141403,0.14569398250996676,0.0,0.0,0.2795946737849193,0.08673515707878257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426910797675699,0.0,0.0,0.057951584981110166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233083883680643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281408189058542,0.0,0.0560397397579281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963423944455607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22815545039698956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806539575692863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296007034190968,0.0,0.08139103745267838,0.0,0.07495927418404685,0.0756090507660875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859413006694156,0.0,0.0,0.2170053558516568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069277340358691,0.08903578546223596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765854051077112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575904702900249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532423698118847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040861704694494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673061754355525,0.11153802155862423,0.0,0.19220998865175384,0.0,0.0,0.08195917665110937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095234853517337,0.2378368115355869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22658360872321576,0.06923055910851275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028844016032485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168277630332113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sprinkles523,2019/10/03,"Harassment at work triggering PTSD Hello everyone, So very happy to have found this group, thank you for all the support! I was hoping someone is going through what I am or has in the past and can help advise me what to do. I work in retail as a key holder and have been with the company for 3 years now. There is constant harassment on days off to go in and cover for people. The harassment triggers my PTSD. Even when I say politely no, I'm sorry I have other obligations like my therapy appointments or doctor appointments my boss and co-workers will not accept no for an answer. They keep pushing and I feel forced to tell them why I cannot go in just so they leave my alone and still they ask again for me to come in and use guilt to try to get me to come in. I cannot afford to quit, but this is in no way a healthy work environment and my boss I have seen him act in a retaliatory manner to others. Can I go to HR or should I seek outside advice?",4.006669269816477,4.5424145634517785,5.3545177664974615,83.66399843811014,70.87817258883248,8.701132370167903,26.321358844201484,8.841846274778883,1.7448144474814526,747,22,159,13,13,251,118,197,0.11199999999999999,0.81,0.078,-0.4191,1,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,1,4,4,10,10,3,1,8,0,18,1,0,5,1,30,35,16,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,6,11,0,1,4,0,1,8,6,4,0,0,4,3,25,6,30,29,1,28,0,0,1,0,13,11,0,4,9,113,31,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394109820523075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775833334478414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337289471914468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24578722689997204,0.0,0.15417061936504114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200738343674676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460240866751141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422915411022308,0.0,0.0,0.13632290771531774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213591509074564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642525223032214,0.0,0.0,0.0745367855122576,0.0,0.32432014823067284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186997585796866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562561332535892,0.0,0.0,0.14169893709646667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680756652825656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510620640230254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696991102918963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361902714462988,0.09890622817547598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33353644646687863,0.0,0.0,0.15174221863287593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11345325576517533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208799341986984,0.0,0.0,0.15970224005998354,0.0,0.0,0.11393277625857505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618950102747783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469585169570085,0.13134713668875672,0.1631503233680496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968604447983775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232171034127391,0.0,0.11771389977669992,0.0,0.11324115750096993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873333730529335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4154484542193705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09187184297774187 ptsd,queen_angela,2019/10/03,Has anyone seen the TLC hoarders episode about the principal with PTSD? Is it just me or does anyone else feel like the show is trying to demonize him as a victim? His children and his ex-wife and even the licensed psychologist were painting him as the victim who “enjoys” his trauma. I felt that this episode was rather abrasive. I was actually turned off. Did anyone feel this way?,4.719765258215965,6.957377338028174,4.6475352112676065,82.81853286384978,71.39436619718309,6.986854460093897,27.32629107981221,7.793537801064563,1.7160685446009385,305,11,54,4,6,94,53,71,0.1,0.823,0.077,-0.1877,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,0,6,0,7,0,0,0,0,9,12,5,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,4,8,2,6,6,0,2,1,0,1,0,7,1,0,1,1,38,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.2550752745861091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5483020306119235,0.2678211023292096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287408688312113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21835467152909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726431529366071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643294835622975,0.18673438923181496,0.2509717908436478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770011862351854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055465385477048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774641059100821,0.28431318105547937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074762387263892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kvranesic,2019/10/03,"Therapy! I went today! After almost two years since my trauma! Oh how nice it is to hear, “you’re taking the right steps.”",-0.7787500000000023,0.8196019583333367,1.5236666666666672,92.68800000000005,112.75,3.586666666666667,8.966666666666667,5.6839178017228535,-1.1782733333333333,93,1,18,1,5,31,24,24,0.109,0.7809999999999999,0.109,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,1,2,1,2,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,9,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33975568622670504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824109737587129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897567198357842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806689537009286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551081809545828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880142643497345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3216127017591407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33144264982825306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31453056299991183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21849534117714076 ptsd,randomassthrowaway55,2018/12/31,"Idk if I have ptsd but I need some help with trauma Today I’m remembering a trauma of being catfished. I’m a straight guy and this dude catfished me and did manipulate me. They attempted to change my religious beliefs and tried to make me hateful like them as they were a very hateful person. They thought if I was hateful like them I could better defend myself(I’m a very empathetic person). They tried to change me in so many ways. After I cut them off I got better. But today I’m remembering the trauma and all of the feelings are coming back. How do I undo this and ultimately stop it? Also, has anyone gone through something similar? I do have a therapist but I haven’t told them about this. I’m too scared to do so.",1.980176056338028,4.550451577464791,3.6599823943662,84.62969190140845,82.52112676056338,6.085211267605634,23.663732394366196,7.413659706084162,1.2663647887323952,572,21,108,9,16,190,82,142,0.21100000000000002,0.643,0.146,-0.895,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,8,3,7,12,4,1,7,0,13,0,0,3,1,26,28,15,0,5,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,7,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,8,0,0,7,1,22,4,13,19,2,11,1,0,0,0,13,3,0,3,7,77,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115061145970955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10060455785321414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063518684803847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545011360280747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3044128819918548,0.12394026987899215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148768337514129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07275027996433361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507434168301604,0.0,0.0,0.142464268938062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4261564778756626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644003451580893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14058544292733136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604131936829624,0.1458721960181954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668553250893792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25126172298543537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818854954740392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32597700998202256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404943321215327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11076620178336187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202905009235268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16705629506703354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422500777113008,0.0,0.0,0.2727636911521873,0.1374839383317632,0.0,0.19537076552469934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374328835691743,0.0,0.11420560619931275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SalmonBarn,2018/12/31,"My psychologist has confused me, I “endorse symptoms of PTSD”... help me out here I was diagnosed with severe high functioning anxiety at a young age as well as OCD and depression. My family and I took care of it through therapy and I managed to get on top of my mental illnesses for quite some time. In my adulthood, I was deteriorating so I eventually sought out a new psychologist. She has officially diagnosed me with “Major depression and Generalized anxiety” which I wasn’t surprised with. However, I’m posting here because she told me that I endorse all the symptoms of PTSD, but she and I couldn’t pick out a trauma that it could have come from, there for she couldn’t diagnose me with PTSD. So I’m just utterly confused because how does one “endorse” symptoms of something like this? I’ve been trying to search the web to see if any psych journals could help me out but basically I’ve only found things that tell me that this means I technically HAVE ptsd. Idk, if someone could share an experience of this language being used with them or what it might mean, it could be really helpful. It helps my anxiety to be able to understand my mental illnesses, so that’s why I saw this lady for some time now but I’m questioning if she even knows what she’s talking about, given what she’s told me recently. ",6.636867469879519,7.093312847389562,7.280787148594378,72.42937349397593,65.10441767068275,11.137991967871487,35.47550200803213,10.93419730881044,4.016262971887551,1045,47,191,28,15,346,133,249,0.11199999999999999,0.764,0.124,0.6105,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,2,12,10,0,2,6,0,18,8,0,3,1,45,36,18,0,9,8,0,0,1,0,1,8,0,0,0,19,15,0,0,6,0,0,2,3,5,1,1,10,2,33,5,31,16,4,19,0,2,2,0,18,9,0,10,8,134,52,2,0.09511994770189754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06468482623928241,0.0,0.21829949891161698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596847449528333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969811260942818,0.0,0.0,0.08193741244941577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037821530375072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16385334315003924,0.28963423397476995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324010723594655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282582835951098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304556093940332,0.08967062123479345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10429411301113678,0.0,0.0,0.049696246743179996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25502758360854993,0.10049944719457443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05227543565542463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04647080175300253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207227016831128,0.0,0.0,0.19171706966609803,0.10090723283102176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186743822040368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445573828640118,0.07234300649629577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910986163163125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447605146249726,0.0,0.1065561106488158,0.10117177292676303,0.0,0.0,0.060936274183298986,0.0,0.09391947299962963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579828309726791,0.0,0.0,0.10745846608646492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059482301192045,0.07322798288110634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965981393192867,0.0,0.0764538108832048,0.08313902687286459,0.0,0.10877794998276176,0.0,0.06319346664359894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093041287866608,0.0,0.0,0.1817823726099398,0.1056817618135768,0.06458020065223681,0.0,0.0,0.09902322014280304,0.0,0.08215309436938904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552425643048972,0.0,0.08583095783953275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HappinessEm,2018/12/31,"Got into a car accident, Im so shocked about it and I feel really anxious. The events keep coming back. Hi everyone >< Its my first time posting on here. I just needed someone to talk to and get this off my chest. So today, I was driving to the vet and when I entered the round a bout, a car suddenly comes fast into our right side and slams into our car causing the side mirrors to flip. Went to the side of the road. Called the police, told them everything. Our car at the right side near the headlights, got damaged and we got a flat tire, while the other car had just a scratch. He was driving this huge pickup truck while my car is this tiny Yaris Toyota. One of the things that annoyed me the most when explaining about the incident to the police, is that, they wouldnt even look at me! They would dismiss me and tell me to keep quiet. Unfortunately, in our country we have a lot of discrimination towards women. Anyways, Im glad that my dad was there to help me. Long story short, turns out I did nothing wrong. Sorted out everything. Right now, Im just so shaken up about this I just feel so scared and overwhelmed from all these emotions. First, I had to be brave and hold my ground. Second, I had to speak in a language that I couldnt converse properly in so it added to my already present anxiety. Even when driving back home, I felt so anxious, drove slowly and made sure to check my mirrors so many times. I even put down my windows in order to see clearer cause it was already dark outside and the windows are tinted. Im just so so scared and i cant seem to rest. I feel scared that someone will call me and tell me to kind of ""discuss"" this again or something. The events are so fresh in my mind they just keep coming back and I cant concentrate and I have this tension in my body that I cant seem to relax. Thing is I love driving, it gives me freedom in a way, and Im afraid that this incident would change everything >< Im so sorry for the long post >< I hope any of this made sense, my mind is so jumbled up, I cant seem to form proper sentences >< ",3.184654862160801,4.645221866983377,3.848162383934355,90.1957993234003,73.79809976247031,6.528208450298713,25.584179082991433,6.980632752743323,0.9314158353127472,1630,54,345,15,33,516,198,421,0.09300000000000001,0.8290000000000001,0.078,-0.6569,0,0,1,0,0,0,61.0,6,0,4,2,35,17,1,6,25,0,26,4,2,4,2,61,56,33,0,6,7,1,6,0,0,4,1,2,3,1,24,25,0,4,8,1,1,17,6,10,0,4,17,10,48,7,48,33,5,75,0,2,3,1,27,32,0,8,22,230,72,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16493365792016376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050819218759392944,0.0,0.05716853361774549,0.16884810899532068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1723891405189743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300860173919831,0.0,0.0,0.15261613990413492,0.0,0.0,0.15353736456966222,0.07905482963806014,0.19312080730225648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840616153365518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14807612700379175,0.0,0.0,0.0714080774221501,0.2014885317650589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335777154507135,0.0,0.07175288090531054,0.0,0.0,0.127131240463919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03904353743519387,0.07168818682165318,0.0,0.0,0.17930612695371093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05009019624300861,0.0,0.07496066095721153,0.07422412594038237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4843297836988769,0.0,0.0,0.199271377352232,0.0,0.07782018749690063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322680634762627,0.06275469508882235,0.0,0.0,0.0635330938737566,0.06744708262662963,0.14142337864792304,0.0,0.07576487256184324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091275443163185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055411627406526665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170581191835666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05063923727889013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314208695965253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512466923664518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047874192884865566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914580001066309,0.0,0.0,0.22445443164295398,0.0,0.05955043484320546,0.20409518477121927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663761131138435,0.05753109496774166,0.0,0.08365453843244798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07043249562763182,0.0,0.0,0.060065446042789634,0.1306352861941931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09929508332126216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715176722121548,0.08589157471653243,0.07083565910348562,0.0714080774221501,0.0,0.0,0.08128519046506276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05931749459958551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927580787830602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617263095508883,0.08170593553363069,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ccbe,2018/12/31,"I lost all empathy for other's problems because of mine. Hey everyone, I hope you are having a happy holidays. I'm sorry if by any means my post upsets or trigger you I just came here to vent because I was kinda looking back (classic end of the year) and I realized I became what I used to hate being a girl with PTSD. I don't know how to change it. I lost all empathy for my fellow humans who had not suffer ""enough"" in my book or don't have to battle mental illnesses. I don't want to be like this. I used to be very social and outgoing but I can't stand people crying and making a big deal over parents not giving them money or failing at college, I just cut them off. Eventually I made myself a loner and I'm kinda okay with it but at the same time I miss when I was normal. Now I don't talk to anyone besides my family. A little background on my life I'm 20 years old, I was pretty normal until recently when I cut off all my friends and stopped doing basic social things like going out because like I said, I can't stand people crying over ex boyfriends or college. Last year I had to take over basically everything in my house because my mom became disabled. I run finances and everything needed for my mom and dad. I was raped by my brother at 10. My second mom got sick this january and I left my city to see her everyday for the 7 months she was in the ICU. She had like 90 machines on her and an open stomach visible until she passed away. I've seen non deadly plane crashes, rescue the people inside. I've seen some gore shit, like people run over by a train. (Police had to cut little pieces of body bags to cover everything) Last year I was on the highway and two buses that were less than 100 ft from me crashed. (I actually measure it from security cam footage) I stopped and help but there were three people dead and a lot of injuries. We destroyed what was left of the buses to take people out It was horrible. I was there for almost 5 hours and return home covered in blood, but glad that I did something to help. This year a facebook friend posted a picture like a memorial for his friend who died at the crash. I could not help myself but cry because I had seen his body under the bus screaming and I saw him die. Seeing his casual picture on my Facebook feed just broke me. I always seem to get myself involve in things passing by, car crashes, fires, deaths, accidents, it is like they follow me. It is insane the amount of shit I've seen and done. I developed some kind of insensitivity for other peoples suffering. I'm not moved by death or illnesses because in my head it is what happens every other day. I just don't have any respect for my life either, like nothing matters. I've seen it all and shit happens every day. I've become this insensitive asshole I was always afraid to become. I know I'm in the wrong because everyone deals with their own problems and have different tolerance levels and I would never judge anyone. I just don't care and I hate myself for that. I wish I could go back when I was angry someone didn't reply to my text, now that shit seems so basic and irrelevant. I wish I could go back and actually enjoy life. Sorry for formatting and my english. ",3.2602731847591637,4.919142049844236,4.737772585669784,83.08496225736882,73.98442367601245,7.056841600766835,25.58602923556194,7.748469712250963,1.4660214713635278,2524,85,484,34,52,844,298,642,0.209,0.652,0.139,-0.9952,2,0,1,0,0,0,58.0,1,2,4,3,18,46,12,2,22,1,45,17,9,6,5,91,92,40,6,14,21,7,1,8,4,1,6,2,1,2,26,30,1,3,6,3,2,11,14,25,0,3,33,12,87,21,71,52,14,77,0,7,9,1,43,32,4,15,38,323,113,5,0.0,0.0,0.11535915755225402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05918678703183559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836296038988684,0.0,0.0,0.08038911807305099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265750889708309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05553265741591815,0.1363481307859557,0.0,0.2522161205213221,0.13055733537889272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130836028560372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760227853554407,0.06026318419416345,0.0,0.06252701427886789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157558728696484,0.0,0.1947776881177624,0.07623781827224378,0.12187275244739625,0.0,0.0,0.12268677300908508,0.06175388468593025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048663966461198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235096137972603,0.06107298512607987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959982898104544,0.11295790268711647,0.15936377777780394,0.0,0.055720503379430686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699698821649167,0.0,0.030880792911513067,0.056700498901152876,0.10077503945580953,0.0,0.047272999476663365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453565726827732,0.06292014394926071,0.0,0.1167111895432274,0.060660490537033526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885385485202653,0.0,0.05928880423225149,0.05870625493418824,0.05820815886884139,0.06820115556775704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06155049599221784,0.06496695459424534,0.0963596416313093,0.0,0.0,0.12843912887699366,0.0,0.1252463563895938,0.2310122473083362,0.11848081236485712,0.0,0.0,0.049634712184563265,0.0,0.12904381400238665,0.05025037288692729,0.0,0.05592815553818586,0.03945415784121418,0.0,0.0,0.06438448586975938,0.0,0.0,0.05956561625826773,0.0,0.0,0.20767503495764816,0.04717837607212129,0.06282103080106105,0.0,0.04382684314071489,0.045586703838601667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582396428341753,0.056714439158545016,0.0,0.06202250207942772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563095665191017,0.0,0.0,0.2868398348907085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132156929084588,0.06013272750863415,0.0,0.11311419170214528,0.0690925283469048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05836070098106605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05622397368077831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942007188378344,0.1076169758032876,0.0,0.0,0.2426885688426552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050360292720855,0.05008088542446547,0.04550319838770521,0.0,0.13233014460990064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09883163707978404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888171229112499,0.047507698385778674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853568366506045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034465571669804615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057738623145698977,0.0,0.0,0.10209836196972956,0.0,0.04876918875463284,0.03486264240280864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593949543548278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04198767894477695,0.06462385942983542,0.0,0.19031377177703315 ptsd,etherealsilience,2018/12/31,"Should I delete the photos and notes? To start my New Year's Eve, I'm decluttering everything. I'm starting with my phone... I'm going through old photos and old notes I haven't looked at in a couple years. I found some things to be extremely triggering to me, but I'm tempted to keep it in my phone ""just in case."" I don't know for what, though... I have photos of when my ex-boyfriend keyed my car, had strangers leaving creepy messages to me and a photo of the expired restraining order. Things I probably don't need to hold onto since all of that is over... In my notes, I have a detailed description of another event that happened to me. I read the entire thing and it felt like I was in that situation again. I couldn't breathe, I wanted to scream and cry. I have notes of when I wrote things down, so I could have detailed information in case I needed to write a police report but it's been almost 3 years and I acknowledge that I'm safer now. I don't want this extra junk in my phone... I need to let go... What would you do? ",2.3112532912058974,3.996303161137444,3.46602685624013,91.09144681411271,76.6303317535545,6.774196945760926,22.62269615587151,7.594959193182576,0.7644342285413375,801,23,177,11,18,259,113,211,0.05,0.912,0.037000000000000005,-0.3491,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,0,7,0,19,1,1,1,1,33,40,12,0,9,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,14,7,0,3,5,1,0,3,5,1,0,0,6,3,29,1,29,28,3,29,0,0,1,0,8,11,0,2,15,116,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021950266237216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15730501156571347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977568743477456,0.16599001466125848,0.16478569461254222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482484093001942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440390279722126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644849634042409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051526832264052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326587844418575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13334124537047048,0.0,0.0,0.08244495180475908,0.0,0.0,0.15884544035134945,0.0,0.15340167546787575,0.0,0.07329031241573661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259757819789164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337052191894833,0.0,0.14488653076814498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.314833424265322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617427806771818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005674472797362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409490803809214,0.1686244360382039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236440368895126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3986562519458621,0.0,0.14739010396017266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17696682201820213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656716752742668,0.0,0.0,0.2898164429581419 ptsd,dimsimprincess,2018/12/31,Dickheads setting off illegal fireworks can eat a bag of dicks Fucking bogans. One went off next door and I about went through the ceiling. ,2.9842000000000013,6.042157720000002,2.4235000000000007,88.81925000000004,91.8,4.1000000000000005,34.25,5.985473137389443,2.2212,113,7,18,1,4,33,23,25,0.141,0.8590000000000001,0.0,-0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,5,2,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,1,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887190843790228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35119926957845743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040139725905426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25742115976658186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7043178280741788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,paint_the_town_pink,2018/12/31,"My neighbors are scaring me. It's almost one am where I am right now. I live alone on the top floor of my apartment building and they're just being so loud underneath me. They keep opening their door and letting it slam shut. I have no idea what they're doing. To the average person, their noise might seem normal and at the very most, a slight annoyance. But to me, they're scaring me. I feel hyper vigilant and extremely anxious. I have the TV on in my room so I can try to distract myself, but I keep pausing the show every time I hear them. Most nights, I'm okay but tonight I'm just really worked up and scared. I even brought my taser with me to my bed (on my nightstand) and aside from that, I'm not really sure how to keep myself calm... When you find yourself scared at night because of the surrounding noise, what have you found helps you? ",3.0381344537815096,4.728602729411765,3.5833613445378165,90.99941176470593,74.6470588235294,6.739495798319329,24.495798319327733,7.447530270364453,0.9751092436974788,664,21,140,8,14,208,105,170,0.14300000000000002,0.805,0.052000000000000005,-0.9107,0,1,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,3,4,2,9,9,1,5,7,1,11,0,0,1,1,29,22,13,0,1,6,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,4,1,5,8,0,3,5,2,0,1,2,6,0,1,2,3,29,3,17,17,2,24,0,0,0,0,11,17,0,5,6,92,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14444414982518314,0.14939806055685742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16295987460303674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793261596741324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527484882447408,0.0,0.12153567832768508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293643320884119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318406195225542,0.0,0.0,0.15816115934927272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257867116767047,0.0,0.09668680504829816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16283912672332346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846443867037218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750398052187286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737416854284886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15302498358250755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27073510434004,0.1413330144217981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977465937411245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12595232544431506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18481871110455836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318752783106153,0.0,0.0,0.5776721062462175,0.0,0.0,0.13131852019862114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135952611181164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08411252659155284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793533988899017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11902021313536998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501470867448247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,donglords69,2018/12/31,"i am having a serious panic attack i was linked a post about a redditor who told congratulated a 14 year old girl for not reporting a sex crime because she wanted it, then he wrote about how sex abuse diminishes the sex value of girls. it brought up horrible, horrible, horrible memories and insecurities and i can't get it to stop. i am in tears and i am shaking and i have no one around to comfort me and i don't know how to stop myself from feeling pain except swallowing as much alcohol as i can.",5.602033333333331,5.76696767,7.43,71.47833333333334,67.3,11.466666666666667,33.66666666666667,11.20814326018867,3.9206666666666665,397,17,77,12,6,140,70,100,0.337,0.583,0.08,-0.9807,0,0,1,0,1,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,3,6,0,9,6,0,2,0,17,16,10,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,6,2,2,3,0,0,2,4,6,0,1,4,1,11,1,14,12,1,11,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,5,56,15,1,0.0,0.2977653169573706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685776251057374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237222323505652,0.0,0.28590530499352274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319833302638355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707162025778335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313008934860598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811528754678495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847442859825782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637111670870905,0.0,0.1702964827714988,0.0,0.26741520617432724,0.29486215910966884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406887944574421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4202185575496555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401407501359895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823117106773429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16183760791783486 ptsd,AnchoredNest,2018/12/31,"Anniversaries? Today is the 2 year anniversary of my trauma that gave me PTSD, and it got me wondering about how others deal with it. Do you do anything special, or feel any different during anniversaries of your trauma?",6.446153846153845,8.608728999999999,6.423589743589744,72.16307692307696,66.69230769230771,10.328205128205127,30.948717948717945,10.504223727775694,3.843471794871795,177,7,27,5,3,56,33,39,0.13699999999999998,0.802,0.062,-0.504,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,7,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,5,1,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,20,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23975396534604865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29012814147078064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36347550971200304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3683518138741158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826572895186438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819757039263055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41212562207490816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3341871554218374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3823379959850212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270380993708288 ptsd,ForsakenEconomics,2018/12/31,"Is it possible to have PTSD after car accident? Obsessions with accidents now I had an accident recently and it has really affected me. No one got hurt but I've been more depressed than usual and have severe anxiety when I think of my car and I get sick to my stomach. Also, something else has happened that is strange. I have been watching car crash compilations (not ones involving hurt or death at all...just traffic collisions) and although I feel sick watching them I do it every day for sometimes over an hour. I know this sounds dramatic but I'm not sure I'll ever be ""right"" again because I have been feeling incredibly ""off"" since it happened. I'm not really sure what to do from here. Will it just go away? It feels just..bad.",2.6778723404255302,5.279935226950356,4.0603971631205695,82.69400000000002,79.70921985815603,8.01531914893617,27.839716312056733,8.841846274778883,2.642140992907801,581,26,108,15,15,191,95,141,0.325,0.665,0.011000000000000001,-0.9936,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,7,6,0,1,2,0,16,3,1,1,3,21,28,10,1,0,7,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,5,0,0,4,4,4,0,2,5,6,12,2,13,21,1,18,0,3,2,0,2,5,0,1,9,74,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340143437287926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12819889015395805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15744772327113474,0.0,0.13992300835745294,0.10215572960954523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080757834459635,0.0,0.14433713896216024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999229513347355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515864713459434,0.14119409227807714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542017362133833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08755407651951172,0.0,0.09524005791186843,0.0,0.13402971307590775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963823811684555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503337884703068,0.0,0.3587975278910713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920980515313054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22711423948021384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18892222681602752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589304365161253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147131649691706,0.0,0.16546587045449798,0.0,0.0,0.1431131286830116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893186584295696,0.0,0.13862460933120574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901192417356427,0.1657417438620917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31588593230710843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737904088328157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845666286050776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway_rel_issuez,2019/10/14,"Just diagnosed, a bit confused Hi all, so I have been seeing a therapist/counselor, a few different ones, for the last 4 months or so. It started with marriage counseling and then individual after my wife of 8 years revealed she had been having an affair for almost a year. Before my counseling, I was pretty sure I had anxiety but never saw anyone for it until recently. I’d have obsessive thinking, periods of great sadness, and bad fatigue. I am ex-military and asked my therapist to fill out a form for a VA claim for what I thought would just be anxiety, and she said she definitely thinks I also have PTSD. I am a bit confused, and I’m sorry if I sound ignorant, but I thought that was mostly only a diagnosis for veterans who saw combat or had some other violent experience. Here are my traumatic events I could think of, besides childhood issues. I am wondering if these could contribute to PTSD. Before today I admittedly didn’t think so. - Joined military at 18 years old (9 years ago) and was hazed and bullied almost daily at job as Air Traffic Controller for two years, job was also stressful to include a few close calls. Had high blood pressure , headaches and nightmares during this time. -was deployed to Turkey for a few months a few years ago. Non-combat but worked on the flightline. -1 year ago my Wife fell asleep driving and car flipped over near our house into ditch. She called me at 3am hysterically and I went and picked her up from the scene and returned to deal with police and first responders, and then went to the hospital. - my wife revealed to me that she had cheated on me and was in an affair for 8 months. After the cheating I have had trouble with depression, anxiety, catastrophic and obsessive thinking, etc. Before that, it seems my mentality and mental health dropped significantly after joining the military and especially with the Air Traffic Control situation. Anyways, I just wanted to get some perspective from folks who may have gone through similar thoughts on their initial diagnosis. Want to understand what is going on. Thanks",6.5589920424403205,8.048754037135282,6.904257294429712,71.38858753315652,65.65782493368701,10.044031830238726,35.45490716180372,10.214889679676881,3.969718302387269,1660,79,271,40,26,538,211,377,0.192,0.763,0.045,-0.996,3,0,0,0,0,0,48.0,1,0,1,4,10,18,3,6,20,0,31,5,2,3,3,69,58,34,0,7,10,3,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,13,25,0,3,14,0,0,8,2,15,0,3,24,5,33,3,46,29,12,57,0,3,3,0,24,17,0,14,31,194,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22289674798293665,0.0,0.16786169432523676,0.0,0.0,0.13405721500720855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235985159731425,0.0,0.0,0.05860695514990767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783577943339468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06998388491082272,0.0,0.0,0.21396686456189687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830134105220903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17117352364740768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801629820603447,0.1338424736830621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641188238050576,0.07219165625484641,0.08507272278477297,0.0,0.0875711643966227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09347836607668793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198933292714035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712948919083666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04379104256364784,0.0,0.04763526263512663,0.0,0.0,0.09240879053504047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890937946305344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855750399952789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671382839538888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748341035600997,0.16635133253485046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832222832143214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893610500028516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2007063368396671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464501393642492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795208193801131,0.0,0.056796723369426136,0.06374677937014013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527225441860628,0.0,0.0,0.19595570996762374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275940154870094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972937843945223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667914794152821,0.07630405704731501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421407685535016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382652530442913,0.05932626587394035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09601235227918094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899674610716406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771676429808571,0.0,0.19463652545023505,0.0,0.2685334787761455,0.0,0.1996245513212581,0.04887450009129052,0.0,0.07944893230982375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187725331356592,0.08725669104293167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887514622550052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553988214549149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089620911415397,0.06101994074700981,0.0,0.0,0.059541354429859986,0.0,0.0,0.3778288305583313 ptsd,Drunken_Cossacks,2019/10/14,"[Personal Breakthrough/WARNING: Panic Attack] West Wing's ""Noël"" episode - S2E10 - is maybe the greatest mainstream TV-show ""coverage"" of PTSD. I've been rewatching *The West Wing* recently, early into season 4 but i keep re-thinking about that episode-long conversation between Josh Lyman and the psychotherapist. From current conversation to the last few days back to current conversation, to Josh's injured hand, to ""the event"".... And as the episode was coming to an end i was heavily shaking. I had to put on pause and get up. I couldn't think straight, i was pacing around for a few minutes,i wanted a drink so i served myself a glass of water. At one point Josh inadvertedly cuts his hand by putting a glass down too violently while reliving his trauma. I didn't break mine but the scene flashed in my head while i put my glass down. ""Wasn't i...wasn't he just reliving his trauma? Did it just triggered a reaction from me? Holy hell was this what some call panic attack? I just...had one?"" Those questions might seem strange for some of you, but i have no memories of my trauma. I was born prematurely, 2 months early,and my right lung tore itself at first breath. I was urgently put in intensive care where ""skin-breaking"" invasive medical procedures were done on me multiple times a day, for 2 months. I owe it my life, but back then we didn't know how traumatic all of this could be to a newborn. I was never given painkillers, only paralytics. I don't have the memory flashbacks, nightmares or ""conscious relivings"", since we don't remember our birth (thankfully, good god). I only know about it because i figured it out/was told so 20+ years after event. Which means growing up, i couldn't make a difference between normal reactions and trauma reactions. What i thought was me being a turbulent 5 yrs old kid in a hospital was me having a PTSD ""crisis"", what i thought was me being a moody & sad 9-13 yrs old was me having a comorbid major depressive disorder. What does all this have to do with *The West Wing*'s Noël episode? well on top of being a wonderful piece of television, it's an honest depiction of PTSD, where i learned that what i thought was younger me being on edge and shaking due to fatigue or whatever, was me having panic attacks. Go watch it.",3.555967021642047,6.058010107981224,4.444824229932441,81.70157849536244,75.8544600938967,7.91196610557655,28.700103057368608,8.771748573748791,2.566896667811749,1790,78,324,40,41,577,231,426,0.18,0.731,0.08900000000000001,-0.9912,3,0,1,0,0,0,87.0,3,1,0,2,14,24,6,5,25,0,40,11,5,3,3,48,60,18,0,5,8,0,2,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,19,11,2,1,14,1,1,9,9,19,1,3,26,3,44,5,45,25,9,62,1,3,1,0,17,24,1,8,28,211,63,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189471658976323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371752254371702,0.0,0.3209598379832598,0.0,0.14462533951812742,0.0,0.057327270356837816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602763107554388,0.0,0.09588232076543517,0.0,0.0,0.08100905381864677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508506812975177,0.0,0.0,0.12129891647418455,0.0,0.08099843463937315,0.0,0.0,0.09825411416845647,0.10778054267314637,0.0,0.08229698895006786,0.09623785174808794,0.0,0.09212558285545057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329350230179085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999227254151453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491331835684753,0.0,0.053446366342670734,0.0788781604691799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651445885635436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835890547370046,0.0,0.0,0.10336630005293007,0.07665696885487842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06642480799641139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08322441394831169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06277391857478035,0.0,0.09447805986866628,0.1024395575678822,0.0,0.0947376526786226,0.0,0.09976394434160883,0.0,0.0,0.1501272210630243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253116506437493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214141805024734,0.0,0.0,0.19736300092919806,0.0,0.12745089735381104,0.14304670678437864,0.0,0.33101488206865404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211404759633789,0.0,0.0,0.08890030420164786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32979100195444666,0.3781536619474345,0.105348819839589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285535648984468,0.0,0.106531513813297,0.08031155032597732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561251393994758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779270421361174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08658145013593348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205169270661964,0.0,0.22397707728895092,0.05483678040577813,0.0,0.0,0.08986138056977971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05546854362734626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455525851825564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198478653695296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060560112631328974 ptsd,Pheliont,2019/10/14,A lot of being in my head today Good morning. More or less the title. Today (and to an extent last night) I've just been deep in my head about everything that happened and cant seem to shake it/get out of my head. Even my medication isn't helping today. I just keep replaying what happened to me and how I feel so alone and scared and that I'll be alone dealing with it.,3.881538461538465,4.163559974358975,5.0170769230769245,86.87792307692308,71.05128205128204,7.778461538461538,25.856410256410257,7.554174236665415,1.124730256410256,290,8,64,3,5,96,55,78,0.131,0.813,0.055999999999999994,-0.7065,0,2,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,2,3,0,5,4,3,1,0,15,10,8,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,7,1,10,7,4,10,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,3,5,43,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507493994906831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457168226345762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184079594872633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15218278748313951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561828063108387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846787915976811,0.0,0.0,0.1420258786815013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29947572659797245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5213439592027233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349825654683415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050818726709358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802646123990905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395821794577596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058205066992674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589046318847239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16952876062543254,0.0,0.0,0.15415157308599128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4815148120355179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,goldn90s,2019/10/14,"Can your bully give you ptsd? (graphic stuff kinda) Hello everyone ! I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask this question but I hope you can help me. when I was about 10/11, my older sister started bullying me to the point of depression, self harm., eds, suicidal tendencies, etc for about 6 years. my mom kicked her out a few years ago because of how much damage she was doing to our family. now, she's apologised to me and I have forgiven her to the best of my ability but I've been noticing that I can't stand being around her. currently she's visiting and so we spend the days together and I find myself cringing at the sight/sound of her voice, when I'm cleaning up, I hate to put her stuff away, I give short answers to her questions and don't contribute to any conversations involving her, and I just need to stay away from her as much as possible. it's not that I don't want to be around her, its that I can't bring myself to do it. she terrorised me so badly when I was younger and I had to put my guard so high up that I can't bring it down no matter how hard I try. does anyone feel the same way ? and if so, how do you deal with it? thank you :)",1.5953198653198657,3.370328893004121,3.2370688365132843,91.52756734006736,79.0,7.051926674148897,21.745043022820802,8.00094639256281,0.8884255144032918,903,26,204,16,22,299,138,243,0.16699999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.114,-0.9615,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,2,5,0,1,16,9,1,0,7,0,19,0,0,3,1,35,33,23,1,5,7,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,13,12,0,1,5,0,1,5,8,5,0,0,5,3,44,4,32,26,6,33,0,2,0,0,34,14,0,6,11,147,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405391312027342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749673011587178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08996568094510338,0.0,0.0,0.2290785660816777,0.12028456872701045,0.0,0.24177033185622784,0.0,0.10743004554802964,0.07843309555573237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13502616160729727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297839272135983,0.13264814423860458,0.11081912542478027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259576041369665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14349567958638654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229450871309258,0.0,0.0,0.12129407469504125,0.0,0.06505697769168302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759763763847965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468547170914955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525872306549645,0.12703022122579374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086241553670392,0.13594182004059965,0.0,0.12779354885875252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506910961836184,0.0,0.0,0.1891674138954456,0.09540359586055198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648615284870845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13442772135058045,0.0,0.12163017724338306,0.14505065085530638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15040270252246865,0.2586880739101467,0.28826888151937113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987935517838683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422583682142533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09106987205916467,0.1371399555348218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945816816330938,0.14073881663698032,0.0,0.12126540336040058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845760507338644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735520702173716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758900529465387,0.1021284258756994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657123065972872 ptsd,MrWhiteWasLate,2019/10/14,"Advice on adjusting my emotional reactions. Now that ive been interactimg with people on a daily basis again for over 2 years. I find i tend to have more aggressive and more confronting emotional and guy reactions then the people around me. This was once apropriate and beneficial and was for years of my life. but now is making things very difficult and hurting relationships. I need to tone it down and most of the therepy ive had has done nothing to help this in particular.",5.515487012987013,7.6368269772727295,6.074220779220783,73.90454545454547,69.0,10.483116883116883,30.75324675324676,10.608840637214634,3.7341019480519484,386,16,67,12,7,125,63,88,0.147,0.8029999999999999,0.05,-0.871,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,3,0,10,1,0,1,0,14,13,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,5,0,8,0,14,8,3,12,0,1,0,0,3,6,0,1,6,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21492395361386635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19579426041568268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250761660699088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4948083978528415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102223339260866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777632503279626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474219217172266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235451558043912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15535094398092836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468124305079047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16308358142815785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110394724750876,0.0,0.0,0.2342301546435412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049590108838436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23613449248355284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461191320680417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814744890457933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28326978876255304 ptsd,mostly_ok_now,2019/10/14,"Finally went to trauma therapy, drove home, and fired my therapist. I've been seeing a psychiatrist and have been on every anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication for 4 years (since being committed after a suicide attempt). I wasted all those years, still being miserable. I finally fired him and tapered off all my meds. I felt free, like I broke up with a controlling boyfriend. I knew I needed to work on the core of why I'm so miserable (lots of trauma) so I scheduled an appointment with a well regarded trauma therapist. She spent the whole appointment covering herself. She said I was ""passively suicidal"" (I said I have no intention of hurting myself again but see no meaning in life). She said I needed to be ""stabilized."" She sort of threatened she might need to commit me (which was a very traumatic experience for me). And said she'd need to discuss my history with my old Psychiatrist and she probably wouldn't be able to work with me unless I was at least on anti-depressants again. She forced me to sign the release form to get on the books for another appointment. I left feeling really pissed off. Drove home, wrote her an e-mail explaining what a disappointment it was, revoked her rights to discuss anything with my old Psychiatrist, and cancelled my next appointment. I'm just venting. All I wanted was someone who could to talk with me and help me that way. Most of my trauma is centered around horrible medical care, so it's a big deal for me to reach out for help, only to be screwed over again.",5.171963249516446,7.0992658546099285,6.062991618310773,74.4245454545455,69.53191489361703,10.233655705996133,32.3217279174726,10.436869588844218,3.8561078014184407,1209,55,208,36,22,398,157,282,0.223,0.6990000000000001,0.077,-0.993,0,0,0,0,0,2,42.0,0,0,0,4,10,15,2,2,13,0,19,5,1,2,5,44,44,13,2,7,3,0,4,1,0,2,3,4,2,0,7,16,0,1,5,1,2,3,3,11,1,0,18,10,41,5,42,17,8,33,0,5,2,1,25,16,2,4,14,149,48,3,0.10324153286317196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082577490021144,0.07897949005582446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495898479768918,0.09190685272427128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526162344147796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579415791177307,0.08242996315125517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643748706143497,0.17784356194749992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698544420802277,0.0,0.0,0.1009900296371383,0.0,0.0,0.052202021076592935,0.0,0.09912806198301112,0.2261921056906928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053939439783880036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840124648014393,0.0,0.2071193505236384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052219622219704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217222753648456,0.0,0.07292254787611782,0.05043859802568889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08777225928811577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246029558046736,0.1146780688734316,0.2080099655990308,0.0,0.10952295124367327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30620915379731656,0.0,0.0,0.10979854144963724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21666924328951426,0.0,0.0,0.07851983798408868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131183411877313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0661391696026849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816770496299706,0.3928253593040536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16454026993125614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540246285297882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747621576352825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244882150705385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258589603469276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298163339565902,0.0,0.0,0.11806569041784427,0.23974275398918574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08518507694012145,0.06089453097857979,0.08194832328898798,0.0,0.0,0.09282653685364263,0.09570593529681733,0.09315942521582013,0.1152654844740378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032213105022216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296832451453258 ptsd,rcnans,2019/10/14,"(TW: sexual assault) How do I stop associating a physical sensation to someone? Hello everyone, I'm new to this subreddit so I don't know what terms are used here or about tws or anything. Long story short, my abuser choked me during consensual-ish sex once but since he abused me so many times I can never separate the choking sensation from the trauma and everytime my partner touches my neck or accidentally puts pressure on it I panic. Lately I've been having neck muscles issues so I feel a lot of tension around my neck area and it's an instant trigger, specially when my partner makes me look at her or really any forced movement (like turning my head or sth, nothing more than that). She knows about everything but she doesn't know about the choking and I'm too embarassed to tell her because there's nothing either of us can do that I know of? I also feel like I'm exaggerating bc someone literally tried to actually choke her once and I don't want to trigger her and I feel like my trauma is Nothing compared to that. Anyways, advice?? how do i stop feeling like anything near my neck is him? I'm not in therapy but I'm on meds.",2.879778869778871,5.316243513513513,4.663472563472563,79.60083538083539,77.82882882882883,7.27960687960688,29.00982800982801,8.296473431620573,2.4192270270270257,908,42,164,18,22,307,131,222,0.191,0.7340000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.9802,0,0,0,0,2,0,21.0,1,0,0,0,15,11,1,3,6,0,13,6,5,6,1,35,31,20,0,1,10,0,5,4,2,0,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,2,8,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,1,6,29,5,20,30,4,19,0,0,1,1,13,8,0,6,13,104,36,0,0.0,0.28326369499854154,0.11665090921307987,0.0,0.0,0.1168102136188754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559372901032542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128928741362679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19673760010400052,0.10641331038231026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07286867107978731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11422276593244135,0.10743218523124994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417660797535021,0.25619185929234645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12267949115788472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476561477160066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627777276820282,0.0,0.13484298963465452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335990419804149,0.0,0.0,0.10578652023825587,0.10038100880263767,0.0,0.0,0.1016261181155242,0.0,0.0,0.0797919035136725,0.12119179814030755,0.0,0.0,0.13277870556272156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219433573605153,0.11544961969638648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34409704615036396,0.0,0.0,0.25460609615483115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1402509626677077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12016774319858207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657848979415778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888227610461696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20256669493494686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19987663864746533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448064319995463,0.0,0.13670102486947538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06970301027051354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115780465467637,0.1300219753764828,0.0,0.0,0.14378834288271852,0.10324162386102986,0.0,0.0,0.07050604425601821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway182152019,2019/10/14,"[TW Childhood? and death] I'm unsure Hi I'm not sure if this is where I should post this. I hope that getting this out there will help me think more clearly about this any advice is appreciated. My physiologist suggested that I may have PTSD but I am hesitant to let them look into it further as I was already miss diagnosed with OCD and feel a lot of my past ""trauma"" isn't valid or may never have happened. I have trouble telling what is real. Most of all I worry about how this would affect my relation ship with my parents as I am a teenager who still lives at home. Just to clear things up I don't have major childhood trauma and I genuinely believe my family loves me. I have always been sensitive a few years ago I saw someone die jumping into the harbour and as well as this my relationship with my family has caused me a lot of stress. I used to be very sensitive when I was under 8 and would react to most things that didn't go my way with a tantrum. My Parents reacted as expected with yelling a wack on the hand or just picking me up and caring me outside and locking the door so I could calm down. My mum was also fairly unpredictable and became angry easily and as eldest I was always blamed for anything happening to my siblings or anything they did. In her anger I was screamed at, mimicked, called one name over and over (Barracuda, wolf and flock of sheep were common) told to go leave and live with whoever she disliked at the time if I wasn't happy with this family. when I was 8 we sold our house and having grown up there and knowing all the hiding places where I felt safe I was fairly attached. So when we moved I became very homesick for a long time I can remember crying myself to sleep for the most part of 2 years and off and on till I stopped crying. I am aware that that this is all common stuff that as a kid I definitely overreacted to. As I grew I started hearing about all of the family's problems from my mum. I ended up taking on the role of reassuring and comforting her, this quickly moved on to hearing about her own issues, drama within the extended family and my parents deteriorating relationship. I would let her speak and rant and try so she could get it all out and it was clearly helpful to her so I let her talk. At first I was to scared to say anything to her though it soon became clear she wanted me to agree or justify her so I did. As my parents relationship got worse and our financial stability all but disappeared I took on more and more. I soon realised as I matured that I needed to protect my siblings from this and therefore take more on. So I did and things kept getting more intense. I learnt how not to show ""negative"" emotions and lost my ability to cry. I am terrified of losing my control of what emotions I display. This has somehow lead to me reliving random moments of stress from my childhood I'm just swept back there and it's like it's happening again. things like a article in the news paper about some teens getting injured when jumping into water, someone yelling, a smell or sound even just seeing a mother and daughter together. Most of the time I can't remember my childhood with my family the negative stuff is just blocked and I'm glad for that. Take care and stay hydrated <3",4.863092469153315,5.898625355694229,5.720608069777337,79.99618937030209,69.23400936037442,8.69778754786555,30.48081832364204,8.97023862654752,2.498288299531981,2587,102,493,46,44,849,291,641,0.17300000000000001,0.708,0.11900000000000001,-0.9908,4,0,0,0,2,0,44.0,4,0,2,5,38,28,2,3,23,0,50,6,2,11,12,119,90,64,2,13,16,8,3,2,0,7,2,8,3,1,34,45,1,6,6,2,1,11,10,14,1,2,24,15,87,14,87,53,22,76,0,4,3,1,46,31,0,19,33,381,121,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644407391859287,0.058456307515852776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727720019890128,0.0527362322875618,0.10974312792119104,0.0,0.0,0.04484489503566027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16280147065391734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0507076725471582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429748853517844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733726867341484,0.0,0.13447074601545522,0.06774373127199815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396298047447691,0.10530351211178443,0.0,0.21731262111849947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693283714527253,0.06844055003634504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835860953092486,0.058407740359991175,0.0,0.0,0.04355608327505546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3730027424528833,0.0,0.033343798471751014,0.0,0.06331758911799769,0.0,0.0,0.056092825446120986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781426640121427,0.0,0.07495618270959811,0.0,0.052742280307773816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494496854983596,0.07019973147283817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14864972713150884,0.0,0.08840315328216895,0.0,0.06614826151392854,0.06549831379087964,0.0,0.07609173321114214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882949865241568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036241674612202464,0.0,0.0,0.0698262857437114,0.0,0.2022998431889136,0.0,0.06443484037901914,0.0,0.11646137381680385,0.05835929366846788,0.05537723292397028,0.07377564233886716,0.07198681155675309,0.11212824579412714,0.059517981871645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14017830272726825,0.0,0.0488974186432473,0.05086088758446395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04468607223596857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928966937510453,0.07141206234785116,0.06295201161870385,0.0,0.0,0.06889854107537928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06315712855881428,0.0,0.0,0.06310050633117661,0.07708623395145879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505990357908897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124009118630767,0.14940577180724654,0.0,0.0,0.052442150230424506,0.06602249879108067,0.0,0.052549666544763216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599267426074973,0.0,0.1117500529418531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04667624547792574,0.07028864853589076,0.052663801743057036,0.055133014234810526,0.1510796628737314,0.0,0.15098260900458516,0.0,0.0,0.06215242875879424,0.0,0.14874741086212212,0.05300413286186443,0.057638879938991874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752438426958743,0.04225492499740311,0.06479067634647981,0.0,0.11535926609906795,0.0,0.0,0.06301332084336189,0.07326737646603404,0.04477235988728176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05695534962436988,0.0,0.10882314438073087,0.038896098792849366,0.052344110831201864,0.0,0.0,0.0592925192137109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697039885130752,0.06720363931899463,0.1405364134005155,0.0,0.0,0.0849328996138618 ptsd,supersteph13,2019/10/14,"Going to therapy Going to a psychologist on Tuesday. Never really talked about what happened to me because I always just feel like I’m about to (or actually do) have a panic attack. Even right now. How do you bring this up when you aren’t ready to talk about it, but obviously you can’t get over it. Saying the words out loud terrify me. Should I write it down. Do I wait? I’m so tired. Not sleeping. I have bulimia so I’m coping through that mostly but it’s not sustainable. I’m scared.",0.5516317016317025,3.0019075353535385,2.994141414141417,87.1599300699301,89.80808080808079,6.278477078477079,19.736596736596734,7.61054688173877,0.9576862470862472,382,12,78,8,13,131,68,99,0.138,0.795,0.067,-0.8463,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,0,10,4,1,2,3,0,8,2,1,1,2,16,19,7,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,7,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,5,3,0,0,0,3,9,1,14,18,1,13,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,2,5,55,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.2296376426382667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958044669026232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26770961848794284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14344843055084658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542614517353615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898448327367213,0.16811211910786172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294459559984533,0.0,0.2674747052416472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809203548366192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149650990395475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814927124516049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760964373276281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507515371441026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20096135360459635,0.0,0.18713531249937607,0.23559562086931135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354891945923737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782813985803709,0.0,0.0,0.2691080704730717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704648608360797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,honey_graves,2019/10/14,"Sleep troubles I’ve been struggling with sleep a lot the past 2 years. I don’t have any actual trouble with falling or staying asleep but the second I actually start to drift off I can’t stop thinking about how vulnerable I am and how easy it’d be for someone to sneak up and kill me. I don’t really know what to do anymore because it’s really effecting my sleep schedule and I just want to sleep. And sorry for the formatting/grammar it’s late and I’m on mobile",1.62125,3.901610291666668,3.641500000000004,86.05350000000004,81.5,6.756666666666668,25.225,7.908726449838941,1.6129325000000003,372,15,75,7,10,126,66,96,0.204,0.74,0.057,-0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,1,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,4,0,9,5,5,3,0,18,14,9,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,1,0,8,0,12,11,1,12,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,6,48,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.33326251711561705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611856573065815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16934207092408127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040900448472326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18891398595226586,0.0,0.0938419249794147,0.0,0.1926179334742861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516893248557305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16300400063844175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21877875138629446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6835092090455558,0.0,0.14467929802951365,0.0,0.0,0.1911451072403718,0.1208605499974732,0.1820010292953915,0.0,0.1427579779652371,0.0,0.1785091405971124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941225934085283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071512489330446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995996844975553 ptsd,leoshi_03,2019/10/14,"How to deal with intrusive memories? (TW: CSA) I can't go an entire day with thinking about the man who molested me I can't get these memories out of my head I can mostly deal with them but its hard and I need some tips",-0.376950354609928,1.81474580851064,2.026702127659576,94.4841666666667,90.91489361702128,6.5375886524822695,18.471631205673766,7.793537801064563,0.6783503546099294,171,5,40,4,6,58,38,47,0.083,0.917,0.0,-0.3716,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,3,1,1,1,0,11,7,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,7,0,7,7,2,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,2,1,27,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268886467593449,0.7254022873761484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838064486454397,0.0,0.1999419959579533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3151530759502041,0.0,0.3610590366203174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26086300361906256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254259418670359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,justanotherday360,2019/10/14,"Cancer, amputee and devastating traffic accident survivor (Just wanted to Introduce myself) Hi Everyone. I'm new to this reddit and just wanted to introduce myself. I'm a multi-trauma survivor (cancer and amputee at 12, intense traffic accident survivor at 18 that left me with three of my limbs receiving serious compound fractures.) Actually been through a lot more trauma than that but I think you get the picture LOL :) I'm also a father of 3 beautiful intelligent children and a professional martial arts coach that lives in Tokyo currently and a humble student of life. I recently started a channel to share my experience of learning to live with and thrive after unexpected deadly surprises aka traumatic experiences LOL :) My first video is a music video/highlight reel/ motivational speech using Eluid Kipchoge footage and Denzel's speech. I'll be posting regularly and my wish/vision to inspire but also share skills and thinking processes that will help us all heal and live happy healthy successful satisfying lives. Please contact me if you like I'd more than happy to chat with you and help in any way I can. By the way that me at the beginning of the video ;) Wish you all the best and remember the truth is (even through we are force feed an opposing story) the truth is: ""You are magic in action."" One Love! [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pC6LlkHA-x0&feature=share](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pC6LlkHA-x0&feature=share)",7.703170261941447,11.114375580508478,6.693636363636365,66.17902157164872,66.5,9.036671802773498,34.03235747303544,9.573946990214177,4.033938983050846,1191,55,159,28,22,362,143,236,0.057999999999999996,0.596,0.34700000000000003,0.9983,1,0,0,0,0,0,58.0,2,5,0,5,5,14,0,0,15,2,9,6,0,2,4,37,22,17,1,4,5,1,0,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,6,16,1,1,6,6,0,2,0,2,0,3,1,2,19,12,27,19,6,19,0,0,0,1,18,7,0,2,8,105,25,5,0.0,0.0,0.12867654046522334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21089711897143928,0.0,0.28574095727026794,0.0,0.08966946208847769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837915157702427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08709242277965917,0.0,0.0,0.12599807804076238,0.0,0.2579691678630541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121602242747336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889151555872909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280735283466242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676623382513884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326650016295636,0.0,0.09313676340945423,0.06442023637193356,0.0,0.4657399124664564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210283218735106,0.11900898451826634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12735140909549791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935188848273247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474290984292199,0.0,0.0,0.126285628284297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13019604616941335,0.0,0.14937190933568206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333133283035047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16898139206672896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861159288161744,0.1138848816530234,0.0,0.0,0.15554913232918166,0.20932898863967306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30326545991465875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,simulationred,2019/10/14,"How do I deal with nightmares? Every night my past comes to haunt me through the form of nightmares, so as a result I barely get any sleep because I’m terrified of reliving my experiences over and over again. I’ve come to dread each day as it comes to night because I know there will be nightmares waiting for me and as much as I try to run away from my past, I’m confronted by it in my dreams. Is there anyone else who has nightmares, and if so how do you deal with it?",6.104591836734698,4.8290798673469375,6.262163265306125,85.07569387755103,66.65306122448979,9.47265306122449,31.84489795918368,8.238735603445708,2.0105893877551027,369,12,83,4,5,118,62,98,0.11900000000000001,0.8540000000000001,0.027000000000000003,-0.8466,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,7,2,1,1,2,0,6,1,1,3,0,15,14,12,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,1,1,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,11,0,20,12,3,14,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,6,57,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289152832567788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255296771739747,0.19423864922474454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810888917251788,0.0,0.0,0.2311223451866821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4898978021291721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225808881886302,0.39088027781974855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836286267535654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15972236632513273,0.0,0.0,0.1854375367712532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09904340937697624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418367006137204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13935704061733842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558004703432221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36193535085569417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1897086455087436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870676701001646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,succmyjollyrancher,2019/10/14,"I know I've already posted here but I want to know Am I alone here? Are most people with PTSD overage? I'm 16, I already have a number of mental illnesses with PTSD, which I've been dealing with for about 10 years.. am I too young? Is this normal?",0.20352564102563875,2.3824240961538483,2.0861538461538487,95.54217948717951,86.88461538461539,4.235897435897436,18.28205128205128,5.46131890053228,-0.4478564102564104,191,5,42,1,6,63,37,52,0.156,0.785,0.057999999999999996,-0.782,0,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,0,9,10,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,7,9,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453703346886704,0.5228785942383678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24424681648121616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260402288739203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387524996467656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321243590577757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164245587784083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268970874399649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5538770480679406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13973737771589956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256415221814798 ptsd,sciencefox03,2019/10/14,Help with compulsions? Hi guys... so... I suffered a rape several years ago and I’ve had an on again off again relationship with her since... but I have an issue with looking at her social media all the time. It doesn’t help that she’s a name in the field I’m trying to get into and is praised all the time but I can’t get myself to not look. Recently I’ve been able to make a rule that I can’t look on weekends and I’ve more or less been sticking to it but... I know this isn’t a healthy habit and it just makes me hurt more and lose more and more faith in people around me and I just don’t know how to stop. Does anyone have any advice?,0.6214056447150007,2.2864758776978458,2.2476258992805747,97.99237963475376,81.58992805755395,5.4280022136137225,17.886552296624238,6.297961479604792,-0.4673900387382406,493,10,122,4,13,161,81,139,0.114,0.76,0.126,0.4267,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,2,7,6,1,0,9,0,11,1,0,3,2,28,21,13,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,12,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,4,0,0,3,3,12,2,16,18,7,17,2,3,3,1,11,8,0,1,9,79,18,0,0.18111242539522435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698096597977264,0.1605452374144297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316265987845346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663801890998047,0.0,0.0,0.16122845666573962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849270395845788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924753425862734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932977559623012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427916821126807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938845972418664,0.0,0.0,0.1890343176272556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906930499620265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4562664690062037,0.20261847725300494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24178790062468736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556055158799315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788266705119822,0.1944469654413908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20460548909429094,0.0,0.1498180698510924,0.0,0.0,0.18462130966488804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141809730798325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21121622343099808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122963448311521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166304639504089 ptsd,QuercusCat,2019/10/14,"Physical PTSD Trigger Response There's this feeling that I get when I see/hear something that reminds me of my trauma. Like a very real physical feeling that feels almost like I just swallowed acid and it's sliding all the way through me. Anyone else feel that or any other physical sensation that just feels weird? It's.....unpleasant to say the least.",3.0261805555555554,6.130323562500003,3.2239583333333366,84.61409722222223,86.8125,5.969444444444445,28.98611111111111,7.3871296695380915,2.3125715277777785,284,14,46,5,9,87,49,64,0.07200000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.127,0.3521,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,13,6,3,0,0,3,0,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,8,1,1,0,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,6,2,3,6,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,28,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233288978790966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15842974590833125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629002587151221,0.23870854614621964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946191906897385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5889911789622209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12171886672454772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26257769674854337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22763784775890897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723331707711284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651744739837772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526961718353727,0.0,0.0,0.18564945489635026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793541297972575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922272657732289,0.0,0.18492325987585487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,celestineleh,2019/10/14,"does anyone ever feel like theyd be better off lying to their doctors instead of going into detail about your trauma? i go to a theraputic/special ed school and have group therapy every tuesday, wednesday, and thursday, and art therapy on mondays, along with private meetings with 2 different therapists on alternating days. i also see psychiatrists and psycholgists outside of school. so theres a LOT of therapy. its great most of the time but sometimes i just cant handle the questions. if i had a dollar for everytime i had a panic attack or flashback while talking with them id be absurdly rich. im a super non-confrontational person and am bad at self advocating. sometimes i just want to lie and say “im over it” or “im learning to cope with it”. it just gets so tiring hearing the same questions over and over. i know they are trying to help, and they help a lot and i am eternally greatful for that, but its just so tiring. i wish i could go back in time and erase the moment i told them about my trauma. ive given them all the answers i can and its so exhausting and mentally taxing. i know i need to talk about it to recover and cope but i hate it so much. does anyone else feel like this? if so, what did you do? i jusf cant stand to confront people.",3.249340952380951,5.092152056000003,4.817657142857144,81.72606666666667,74.44,7.481904761904763,27.104761904761904,8.269060116576782,1.9567561904761903,994,38,187,17,21,334,143,250,0.11699999999999999,0.7509999999999999,0.132,0.2553,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,2,7,2,18,15,3,1,11,0,16,4,0,0,2,48,32,28,0,6,11,0,2,2,0,0,4,2,0,2,11,19,0,0,8,1,3,3,2,8,0,0,5,5,27,7,31,23,6,25,0,0,1,0,22,9,0,9,14,136,38,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08351253745331473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460396006799997,0.10700075320034172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11880406469579352,0.0,0.08030013178934965,0.08719458791426146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235974261815934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337876178988182,0.0,0.0,0.0673486334499597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091069980248371,0.0,0.10688840744078372,0.1827745837783508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723776474381895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446280534949997,0.08798667807844758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056057703752438,0.14920945453842088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054560302211554786,0.0,0.17804972248754752,0.0,0.0,0.2302686231444717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310288649639043,0.0,0.0,0.11770006469938032,0.0,0.13999429479928044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384065725669623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147838621431534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020383290013755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756509936841114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10524075705507373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676797779093203,0.07743343292990107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12252596372075047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239852997110444,0.09118414332802856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23397073141283456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830468322304405,0.0,0.21137722798195668,0.08321709392412945,0.0,0.10894314034204317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065676435333216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787356391597755,0.0,0.0,0.3582740074326045,0.12125113982542267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178780587576593,0.2400535700300629,0.0,0.0997872257595879,0.0,0.070901033687266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061595449017160825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200892084393504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwawayc0nf3ssion,2019/10/14,"Nobody’s fault I didn’t serve in combat I haven’t been abused Nobody set out to hurt me I feel extremely guilty because of something I’m having trouble explaining. Nobody seems to understand. I feel like everyone I know with PTSD can say that their trauma was caused by the decisions of another person, for example domestic violence or child abuse But mine, I was a witness. I was in the wrong place at the wrong fucking time. I didn’t make any conscious decision to be exposed to what I saw. Neither did anyone else... unless you believe god or some deity thought “hey you know what would be fun? let’s traumatize this kid” I can’t put my blame on anyone. I don’t have an abusive family member or violent partner that I can resent. I can only blame myself for becoming traumatized in the first place I hear similar situations being described as “just a sad situation for everyone involved” and that’s exactly what this is. No party did anything wrong. Nobody could have done anything different. Nobody’s fault. Nobody to blame. Just “an act of god”. I’m going to the doctor tomorrow to talk about starting therapy again and I’m scared that anyone who hears about what happened to me is gonna think I’m overreacting. Like my psychiatrist is acting polite on the outside because the job requires that but on the inside they’re thinking “other people have it so much worse, and she’s traumatized by THIS?”",4.1588636363636375,6.587898674242427,5.193181818181817,77.42227272727277,73.62121212121212,8.33939393939394,28.803030303030305,9.075114841892004,2.8379121212121214,1126,47,189,26,24,369,158,264,0.21600000000000005,0.745,0.04,-0.9891,2,0,1,0,3,0,22.0,0,2,1,2,6,16,3,1,12,0,28,2,0,2,1,33,51,11,0,2,8,0,2,2,1,2,1,3,0,4,15,5,0,1,13,0,0,4,7,13,0,1,11,6,24,3,29,33,3,20,0,2,1,1,16,10,1,5,7,125,39,3,0.0,0.3806479095334039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07282401020155768,0.1122918730681618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246367947096973,0.10972506141497987,0.1762498042835838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305605945119608,0.11827109130468196,0.0,0.12065232974084245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000962703381516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855016388620201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188493259168107,0.0,0.1096098552598967,0.0,0.10958895356933396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945889452103903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465574582266166,0.0,0.0,0.10095372617105228,0.0,0.10829456142709548,0.07650421176134109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108962099864944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900180741799937,0.0,0.0,0.06086099443395905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469821231791303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413935685762138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464070280230032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062690427576173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770633333322987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950548427305554,0.0,0.1046362906940929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148256037618206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872254003710065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08144580652669682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742418432565606,0.09350575045025296,0.22376986518336214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518099737365224,0.10765375408032833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516125816183051,0.10721450282514187,0.0,0.0,0.0974895599257314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24074444392233854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0824421380162053,0.0,0.0,0.0757979559134189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08607386658364831,0.0,0.0,0.12246529827482852,0.0,0.0,0.13723627122462873,0.0,0.08501649152859317,0.062444300996151225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148314702422828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913256707271968,0.07607276290891933,0.35125415313842256,0.0,0.0 ptsd,keirstenmk,2018/12/15,"NSFW - Domestic Violence/Suicide TRIGGER WARNING (I've never posted here, or read much either. Please let me know what to edit.) (Backstory) I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years, I left 9 months ago. I haven't talked to anybody about it, not even friends, especially not a therapist. I've been generally pretty accepting of my situation, and have been very careful to understand my trauma. I don't want this to ruin my life, I don't want to forever be known as the domestic violence survivor. I've worked hard to fight against the eating disorder, depression and anxiety that have come from the isolation and abuse. So I used to get beat for hours, by a 250 pound man sitting on my chest, getting hit repeatedly, spit on, gagged, choked to the point of passing out, you name it. I'd go to take a shower once things chilled out, and would end up getting beat on my way in, or in the shower. He'd grab my hair tight, bang my head into the shower, bang his fist into my head, push me into the tub and tell me he wish I'd just die. That it was so hard to kill an idiotic whore. There was very, very extreme verbal abuse during all of it. (Moving onto last night's incident) My roommates are out of town so I'm home alone. I work 6 days a week and am exhausted, I almost felt drunk because I was so tired. I messed up my back a couple days ago, and went to take a bath. As I got ready for my bath I started having very intense flashbacks. I felt like I was about to get pushed to the floor and sat on and degraded for hours. I reminded myself that I'm safe and okay, that I don't have to worry about that shit anymore. I started thinking he was right though, that I am a stupid, attention whore, just like every other bimbo. I wanted to smash my head into anything around me, just like he would, and fucking end everything, my family doesn't love me, I don't have anybody. I already knew all of that and he just reassured it. I was in complete shock, I had a massive headache and wanted to smash my head until it went away and hopefully leave me dead in my bathtub, where I wouldn't even be found for days because I have nobody. It was the first time I've actually scared myself that bad, I couldn't see straight and it felt like my body was floating and like I didn't have any control over my limbs. I got out of the tub, got dressed and laid on my bed where there was nothing nearby. I had awful thoughts of finding any blunt object and hitting my head on it until my brains spill out. It was the only time I haven't trusted myself to stay safe. This morning I missed work, I wasn't trying to suppress that suicidal episode with my god awful customer service job. But I'm doing okay. Learning that I actually do need therapy. I didn't know the trauma was that bad until now. I called a suicide hotline when I woke up, just to feel a little better. I've never had a flashback/suicidal episode like that. I cannot imagine those of you who deal with that constantly. My heart goes out to you guys. (Sorry if I was a bit too descriptive or 'dramatic', this is currently my only place to vent)",3.846453060491832,5.0167276930533165,4.891629509962307,84.49217411595767,71.74636510500808,7.893175372464548,27.972033746185602,8.309216665352881,1.8368998097289533,2418,88,490,37,45,793,295,619,0.205,0.703,0.092,-0.9976,5,2,0,0,5,2,81.0,0,3,0,8,27,38,6,1,26,4,50,21,12,3,4,87,96,34,5,12,13,0,9,6,1,3,3,0,7,2,31,32,2,5,17,4,0,8,17,20,0,1,34,10,75,18,75,52,5,80,0,3,1,4,22,38,2,6,36,309,106,8,0.0,0.23354378626991354,0.12823431777748473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164844145210591,0.0,0.06579258567340689,0.0680490328651177,0.07250546951598576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936129503339928,0.0,0.05026301391437589,0.0,0.06516023801273264,0.0,0.0,0.054068399682235986,0.058490063863939436,0.0,0.0,0.061730621037825874,0.05052195220147525,0.10971939160418474,0.08010451342646457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058109425201641925,0.07173122813729843,0.07298180030517896,0.0,0.07334685916909826,0.06709064128574008,0.0,0.0669891188199515,0.0,0.0,0.05659776576565164,0.06888889196412319,0.07100216486285625,0.07369208596065976,0.0,0.07269969655721971,0.0,0.12712000705999454,0.0677374453721935,0.0565903465724526,0.0,0.06818988180463592,0.0,0.07530192763349397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723110513622675,0.0,0.0,0.11638763597044745,0.0,0.0,0.0867931122359964,0.0,0.05535805041898451,0.0,0.059050088307965674,0.0,0.06193943236663065,0.0,0.03322167451165805,0.0,0.18925705225124195,0.0,0.06005182809875485,0.05588738160677895,0.0,0.07204051973919526,0.05076237752965648,0.060741846659045876,0.13730951215180018,0.0,0.03734082526206965,0.0,0.1576473242128025,0.0,0.0,0.06505681592595867,0.0,0.0,0.1177148990983875,0.0,0.33715384132120296,0.0,0.0,0.07785898902606052,0.0,0.0,0.0659059889469266,0.06525842170221043,0.12940946692070354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06520060661653344,0.0,0.07269121147161534,0.0,0.07221787396202338,0.05355713914726151,0.0,0.0695705421594635,0.07138706807916481,0.06718630202330214,0.046408340139678435,0.1925965300050593,0.0658521892223751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05929999316081876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05244392381001636,0.0698324450159355,0.048299648059504055,0.04871832847725748,0.10134921215629332,0.0,0.0,0.061658303810326186,0.0,0.06304430066884259,0.0,0.0,0.0699721057955169,0.0,0.0999409772425528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864619541992309,0.0721227359304529,0.06211106483189008,0.0,0.06292581122242147,0.0668441019489607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572130155148426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054099296128122,0.0,0.05611044814573219,0.0,0.0,0.06578068683871925,0.0,0.05235719976910632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744372037355421,0.0,0.07385351074958924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07354971280784522,0.09301058102349237,0.07003121151604859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874759525183057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880174214504213,0.05281000157199748,0.05742777356850934,0.0,0.0751377026629063,0.07628685226450498,0.04365050001087061,0.04210016342221887,0.06455337602872395,0.052161256714400236,0.07662450322396694,0.07551653229329372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04460837803330149,0.0,0.0,0.06839968277571455,0.0,0.05674674673077632,0.0,0.21684914422780568,0.15501455660057306,0.05215239691751361,0.05270340156784836,0.0,0.0,0.12181564490001495,0.0,0.0,0.07555580686469751,0.0,0.0,0.14349883797569699,0.0667251151496424,0.0,0.09334779273339668,0.0,0.0,0.04231091350755261 ptsd,_Mephistopheles__,2018/12/15,"I don't suffer from PTSD, but I believe I've blocked out all my memory. Can someone with more experience help? First, I should say I don't have PTSD. I don't even suspect I do. I'm being treated for schizophrenia. My mom has PTSD and she's been through a lot of messed up stuff, but I've experienced no significant trauma that I know of. The closest thing I've had was my parents going through a pretty nasty divorce and a seriously strained relationship with my brother. That said, I do have some serious mental issues I have trouble making sense of, and now it's going into a realm that some of you might understand. I'm really looking for answers, so please read everything and try to help me out if you have a minute. I had a pretty major episode in which I cut my tongue off with a miniature guillotine. It was reattached at a hospital. Recently I've had a lot of temptation to do it again, but I think I've resolved that today. That said, schizophrenia doesn't seem to sum up my problems. I don't have a lot of psychotic symptoms. Just some delusions occasionally. I looked up depersonalization/derealization disorder, and that sounded like a page out of my biography. I realized that I really like who I am, but I don't ever *feel* like who I am. So I thought I'd found my problem. And then I did some more research into it, and I found out that dpdr is a method of coping with trauma or anxiety. That part confused me. I'm not anxious, and I don't think I've had significant trauma. Recently I've been thinking a whole lot about cutting my tongue off again. I've been miserable, and for some reason it seems like it would fix me, though I'm not sure how. And then I had a long talk with my dad today. We talked about my entire life history, and I swear, it's like it was all new to me. I remembered these things he said as *facts*, not memories. And when I said I had no trauma, he mentioned everything from nearly drowning to kawasaki's disease to cutting my tongue off. I know a lot of you have been through much worse, but these things must be causing me to block my memory. So I've come to realize that memory is the key. My former counselor told me once that people think of things, especially there own lives, through stories, but I don't feel like I have a story. And without a story, I don't have an identity. I want to remember everything: the good, the bad, the funny and the tragic, but I just can't. I really like who I am. I'm smart and funny and tall and skinny, but these things don't help me when I don't feel like it's me. I believe that if I can reconstruct my story and hold it in my head at all times like I used to, I'll be better able to address my problems. The problem is I've written off so many parts of my story that didn't seem ideal. When you read a book, every piece of lore you come across is a golden truth that you hold onto, but as you go about writing your own story, you're tempted to just write things off. Things that ""don't count."" I realize now that none of my life has counted, and now I'm 18 years old and don't feel like anybody. My memories don't haunt me like they haunt some of you, but I just don't think about them. I want to though. I really want them back. Are there any medications that will help make things clearer that I could talk with my psychiatrist about? What about ways to remember my story? I believe my problem is kind of opposite of most of yours. You guys have things you don't want to remember, but I want to remember everything.",4.066739011542556,4.952275942172079,5.231622578509544,83.32600443280276,70.9605077574048,8.552212083705133,28.150628939869318,8.841846274778883,2.0179064563484066,2749,97,572,49,49,912,269,709,0.13699999999999998,0.7120000000000001,0.151,0.7864,1,0,1,0,1,0,88.0,1,12,3,4,30,42,3,3,27,0,66,6,2,6,8,135,111,48,1,17,22,4,4,11,0,5,4,6,1,1,46,35,1,4,31,3,0,5,25,22,0,1,24,13,96,20,78,78,27,52,0,3,2,0,45,23,0,20,34,404,142,4,0.054538431484092785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03708800361168802,0.0,0.04172175080707951,0.06161290382969231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041936687354799766,0.0455373122174125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843384082585673,0.0,0.04823481062905605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0560259924365346,0.0,0.09396005912158777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043544499707488186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250576746888617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036022119631045686,0.04933313366149049,0.04595098074861024,0.0,0.19606250223815885,0.05334905109595005,0.0,0.0,0.11030507861947916,0.15584906539811907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04639036195939869,0.0,0.1195971502103474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298634235317008,0.0457442487705014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400162168923516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055972165040543295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462238440119662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692395294005136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056793383790730415,0.05994579128090927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07704421410050223,0.2930919505859938,0.0,0.04815843419083804,0.04826479563907024,0.09159709318335164,0.0,0.0,0.2318331206750477,0.0,0.0,0.07280965302698587,0.05529340937956384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494173198622679,0.054961911359981463,0.05785665716776139,0.0,0.06387475180050711,0.0,0.0,0.04009202241316275,0.0,0.0,0.05267355697781426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057228909490894736,0.0580816495887085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06055847397486449,0.11811961313184502,0.0,0.03781008136213294,0.0,0.0,0.0598668201859363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097038347873156,0.0,0.260929566771096,0.1912575235774128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109106380716406,0.0,0.13975486298024728,0.05607459092858424,0.10770024305028547,0.058553864975708525,0.30890705619825365,0.0,0.2075141500660593,0.04337114972850406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489492191086476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04621023601257218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06243345584387418,0.0,0.0,0.051401826237932775,0.056686312704422814,0.0,0.13150777604353978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3260961943993924,0.17473012364831142,0.10716746405275973,0.04329742259645657,0.0318017979848225,0.0,0.10339211207101832,0.05211380847618596,0.0,0.03702801498103347,0.0,0.0,0.05677643057603116,0.0,0.04710369398554403,0.0,0.0,0.16084089965676646,0.04329006835704437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06089021107231681,0.0,0.05257310174219938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05557932103084372,0.038742536942256135,0.0,0.0,0.03512096176304122 ptsd,MiserableGarden,2018/12/15,"conflicted about my ptsd? are my problems valid? long text post hi, this is a throwaway so yea ^^;; i got told by a therapist two years ago that I had PTSD, which i kind of suspected, but i was never officially diagnosed I don't think. Part of me knows I have PTSD because it's greatly affected my life and changed how I view the world, yet I'm so conflicted because it feels as though my problems are stupid and aren't that bad because it was online and emotional trauma? I'm not sure if what I write next might cause triggers for some, but it's about pedophiles and abusive relationships. So I guess a warning! When I was around 10 I had recently gotten minecraft and used it as a way to try to make friends. At some point I got into a group where someone was alot older than me (19-20). He and his friend started to harass me and break down my walls. They took advantage of the fact that it was two, and ""if more than one person says it, it's right"". They pressured me into saying things I didn't really understand, and then one of the guys kind of took over from there. Alot of what happened after was... very fuzzy. I remember being groomed and threatened, being forced to send nudes and being very degraded. I was very scared and uncomfortable during all of it, but was coaxed into staying. I think this went on for maybe a month before I just shut down and stopped replying and hiding from him. He threatened me to try to get me back, but I was too scared to even reply to that. I must've repressed the events very shortly after, because I had no recollection of the events until a year later. A year after I got into an abusive online relationship which contained grooming and manipulation. He would degrade me, call me a bitch, and objectify me. I would be forced to sit in a webcam and show off my body or he'd guilt trip me. He forced me to watch him masturbate and feel himself, which became a source of trauma. I wanted to tell him to stop, but I couldn't even get the words out of my mouth (something i still struggle with). I got into the habit of lying and playing along to please him and lost all sense of self. When I got out of the relationship, I got into a major depressive episode and pushed everyone away from me, and went months with little to no contact. Not even 6 months after, I got into another relationship which was very toxic and I got even more used. At this point I'd get ptsd attacks where I'd just go numb and shut down, and couldn't speak. I could go hours without speaking to anyone, and just was very not mentally there. I also started to hurt myself during this. I've been out of those situations for a while now, but the effects are still very much there. I became very physically violent and would lash out at others because I didn't want them to get close to me. I was very scared of being lusted after, so I tried to overeat and hide my body. I wanted to buy a chest binder to hide my breasts, and I went months without taking care of my body (my hair got so matted I had to cut a lot off because it was so damaged, even after brushing). I ended up dropping out of school because the hypervigilance was too much and I'd have panic attacks and not go to school because I felt like I was in danger, like maybe someone would rape me. When I was still in school, I'd constantly dissassociate and couldn't do my work. there was also a guy who kept getting really close and making degrading comments about how I was cute and weak. I got so scared I went home early and didn't go to school for 2 weeks, and went home before I had that class. whenever I do end up having a ptsd attack, I get into a state where I'm in a kind of flight mode, but I get into a mindset of ""play along and it'll be over soon, don't fight it, ect"" which isn't healthy. I just shut down and can't really move, but I feel so sick and my heart races so much. I guess kind of like a deer in headlights. I also get frequent nightmares and can have off-days solely because of my dreams. So, I want to know if this is valid...? Do I really have PTSD or is it not possible because this stuff was online? I can't do anything to get justice on some of the people who hurt me and it's not like I was in life-threatening danger, right? I plan on going to a new psychiatrist to get a second opinion, but I'm kind of scared of not being taken seriously. ",5.1243856105213395,5.222711564920278,5.77531052563717,83.16238513774877,68.31662870159454,8.63097090299566,28.411140241543823,8.334251077139745,1.7602743112562864,3406,104,709,44,53,1109,346,878,0.235,0.7090000000000001,0.055999999999999994,-0.9995,0,0,1,0,1,2,103.0,0,0,3,5,49,56,12,10,37,1,69,17,9,11,5,150,134,79,0,17,27,0,5,4,2,6,5,4,2,4,38,62,1,7,13,4,1,16,24,38,0,5,52,12,99,18,118,64,15,124,0,5,2,4,40,54,1,15,51,487,137,6,0.0,0.09843445194128002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036822044228452436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965678437051108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04355753193209497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02904521372546043,0.0,0.03418326842516778,0.0369787447939418,0.0,0.1417707019661275,0.03902749852760292,0.031941123902617136,0.03468354377690399,0.2532194498650876,0.0,0.07069369492034577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384222476333197,0.0,0.0,0.0424162248811773,0.0,0.042352040076011406,0.04267225856544973,0.04394302508211018,0.0,0.0,0.044889178790924016,0.0,0.03316571594382665,0.0,0.0,0.026789383750207296,0.0,0.03577770044107624,0.042161470582633934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046726072120942166,0.07358290286249485,0.0,0.0,0.13718143455582688,0.0,0.0,0.03969253936278303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301048805067562,0.0,0.0398842001149254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418625249476564,0.0,0.21702546861008354,0.0,0.11803858267049658,0.0,0.33222737814488384,0.04579717653538232,0.0915203476198735,0.08226078873255117,0.03673302701475125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04922421852379032,0.0,0.0,0.08333452161481712,0.0,0.04090779984710416,0.0,0.08893726565586706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21628371515865394,0.04565777765288373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058680810139913185,0.08117592927490618,0.04163324740149397,0.0,0.03676093451538665,0.0,0.0,0.045345005041401036,0.03531519010818848,0.0,0.0,0.05545555205555225,0.0,0.08346353208638667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0418618000468485,0.044066586365105416,0.0,0.0,0.13262495175760305,0.0441496553771642,0.09160839848205858,0.0,0.03203763514528511,0.040118872422749134,0.044177470152243964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056296150003057585,0.0,0.0,0.0487373669417954,0.0,0.04498296642333205,0.0,0.028798089923945763,0.036270476213351034,0.0,0.0455976292318147,0.07853604744358854,0.04682926990437922,0.039783124866449054,0.0,0.0,0.07949491624438375,0.29134300504995275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064444446143038,0.0,0.0410150041001918,0.17839046182575138,0.04705587960700881,0.07094859554543786,0.0,0.06606736748454947,0.2079402098651916,0.16815977953497974,0.0,0.0,0.04333450352402704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046691864322436334,0.0,0.0,0.07039215384654436,0.03197894879722329,0.0,0.0,0.05880339858757538,0.04427532006609948,0.0995199108237588,0.06945735626738124,0.0,0.043425849651838384,0.04755251009470875,0.0,0.0,0.0391502573104095,0.0,0.031232350989369217,0.0,0.03630714077888772,0.0,0.0,0.048230278010714916,0.02759683599909856,0.05323335609942074,0.040812108246393114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03969253936278303,0.09230328398704787,0.08460728462200211,0.0,0.08115563470797142,0.04324383059716782,0.0,0.07175316033592358,0.0,0.3084681298884529,0.09800371805394292,0.03297192802680591,0.03332028566225663,0.0,0.0,0.19253653300609064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008472116481051,0.0,0.03024107319649115,0.0,0.0,0.11803318295551465,0.0,0.0,0.08024975709894631 ptsd,nudlezjr,2018/12/15,"I don’t know how to talk to my mom about my ptsd I’ve been diagnosed with ptsd for about 2 years now. while i don’t struggle with it as much as i used to, i still have periods of time where it affects me very badly. my mother is a correctional social worker, so she was basically a therapist for prisoners. she doesn’t like to give me much advice because she knows it’s very unprofessional due to her career field, but i can also tell when i talk to her about it that it hurts a lot. Because of her education and her field, she knows how bad ptsd is, and I can tell it really hurts her that her daughter has to go through it. while she never says that it hurts her, i can tell by the shift in her attitude. Because of this, I avoid talking to her about how i feel. Whenever i’m having a panic attack or I am super depressed, i usually just keep it all to myself because i hate seeing her sad. Right now I am home from college for winter break, and my mom is expecting me to clean up for guests. Again, I have been feeling really depressed the last few weeks, and today is especially bad. She expects me to clean up my room, but I can’t seem to get myself out of bed to do it. How can i talk to her about how i feel without making her sad? 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Boyfriend has ptsd from military, its affecting the relationship but he refuses to get help. He doesn't see the problem no matter how hard I try explaining to him what he's doing / acting. I love him so much and I just hate that he's not willing to give it a try. I've been in therapy for a while and its been so helpful to me. He just says he doesn't need it. Any advice would be appreciated ",1.80681818181818,3.8837118508771935,3.771116427432218,86.48433014354067,79.6140350877193,7.654226475279107,26.15311004784689,8.575989854853784,1.9354315789473688,437,18,93,10,11,148,74,114,0.075,0.73,0.195,0.9447,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,6,4,1,0,5,0,12,1,0,4,0,19,24,8,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,2,4,10,2,13,18,3,5,0,0,1,1,19,2,0,0,1,62,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570445692733063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928874053821734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225115643142765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839646719610463,0.1541682820096248,0.0913355555562164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439651591915468,0.15866847674962167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544189754781465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832236021990676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504761964446786,0.0,0.2145511891569222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181408058799829,0.2383297940530798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15377837006362316,0.18786212822418444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725430741390279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556070895133803,0.0,0.0,0.1280655661656386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723391933771402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5513598401564068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32733590874371754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1141642217253284,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Str8OuttaFerngully,2018/12/15,"How does anybody work? Really. I used to have a job as a pastry chef. I was the only pastry person in the kitchen, and laid out my own tasks for the day. I had a lot of responsibility, but I also had a lot of freedom. I just moved to a new city to go back to uni. Jobs aren't as flexible or plentiful as they were back home. I got a job doing reception in a gym and quit because the environment was hostile. Now I'm in retail. Very easy and good pay-- but I'm under a microscope. As soon as someone passes me, a manager buzzes in on the walkie talkie to ask if I've seen them. I'm not blind. Why did that person need so much help? Why aren't people buying anything? These people flip from obnoxious pep to harsh critique. I can handle a rude customer treating me like a moron, but I'd expect my manager to know that I'm not a fucking moron. I was recommended a supplement to help me with the social side of my PTSD. I took it and for a few hours I felt emotionally ""clean"", like I could see what was really important and what wasn't. But that wore off after a few hours. My depression has been horrible this month. Sometimes I want to shake my coworkers and ask if they think I could do better, having been raped and disowned by my family, then relocating in the span of a year. How concerned they'd be with yoga pants if that had happened to them? Sometimes I catch myself wishing my trauma on other people, to knock the happiness out of them. I would find a more solitary job if I could, but I am not qualified to the standard of the city I'm in. ",2.5626487663280098,4.097657877358493,4.505157232704407,84.54718432510889,75.57232704402516,7.659603289791969,24.18045476536043,8.384062270229773,1.4672173197871317,1207,38,252,22,26,413,173,318,0.138,0.716,0.146,-0.3219,4,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,0,6,3,9,15,6,1,27,0,27,4,0,3,0,43,49,27,0,12,14,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,3,2,10,11,1,0,4,2,3,6,6,9,0,0,17,4,34,6,42,26,7,32,0,1,3,2,13,14,1,7,14,176,44,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880110937487818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09056604207161577,0.0,0.20577348806483625,0.0,0.0,0.1692512919009977,0.0,0.06708862085565873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733486987776277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636103360402218,0.0,0.0,0.07097649135293371,0.0,0.09479037180033116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09631003630325284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379727300830301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375023619297703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567023903839427,0.0,0.1005884476336022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10174424751539607,0.0,0.0,0.06254689932656793,0.09230906981213743,0.08802118724334494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732143891736213,0.11715579365066772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1475353447470303,0.0,0.11039432649788307,0.0,0.21676438168108766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368511675308854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06048345290415641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10753481110221796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871299697456948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784500074151505,0.116971247354208,0.0809032259861474,0.08160452708904052,0.0,0.10629198596554768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370192943403497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288952294901664,0.19219188954309396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286486248400898,0.0,0.0,0.11705723895599687,0.0,0.0,0.14100834258041686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769973561097966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121874041649258,0.09324940329702387,0.0,0.21769478924813235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051892036988236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227536286092053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505234632522927,0.0,0.09080705566814523,0.06491340106841025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986153776096673,0.0,0.12655803433204346,0.0,0.0,0.08012148731183788,0.0,0.0,0.07818004762181684,0.0,0.0,0.07087193250279376 ptsd,ninageb,2018/12/15,"Questionnaire Hi, currently I'm writing a seminar work for my school. Therefore I made a questionnaire about it, to find out what struggels people with ptsd have. If you know someone who suffers from ptsd oder you are the one who suffers, feel free to answer my questions. I would look forward to it. Thank you and for your future all the best. [https://www.survio.com/survey/d/E2A7N3R9U7T3Z5A6O](https://www.survio.com/survey/d/E2A7N3R9U7T3Z5A6O)",11.087282051282052,15.299820523076928,5.518076923076925,74.79608974358976,59.153846153846146,7.410256410256411,30.833333333333336,8.344100000000001,2.5034102564102567,374,13,50,5,6,93,50,65,0.087,0.772,0.14,0.5859,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,4,0,2,1,5,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,2,1,14,9,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,1,2,8,4,9,7,2,4,1,2,1,0,9,2,0,2,3,34,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267597429876214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893116281006478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330572476991066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013644108046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21412830455235027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412787461645932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17278856995489225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17677872377136702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5961419055738644,0.0,0.2856483917250953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25806460857626146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216053133269834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23476154761120505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18563655920481692,0.0,0.0,0.18113836282765208,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Alkaline_canine,2018/12/15,"(Long?)I really don't know what to make of my life. (Trigger warning: child/domestic abuse, gun violence) Please let me preface that this is going to be disjointed and sloppy as fuck. I apologize in advance. I was abused by my father from the ages of approx. 8 to 18. My childhood previously was pretty normal. I think it's pertinent to note that he's an alcoholic combat veteran. The first time he threatened to kill me, I was around eight or nine years old. I talked back to him, so he pinned me to a couch by my throat. He said he would snap my neck like a toothpick. I think I may have dissociated, because when I was let go, I felt a mental fog/confusion I'd never felt previously. I went to the other side of the house with the full intention of telling my mother who was out of earshot. I couldn't articulate what had just happened, so I made some sort of inane small talk and left. Like a lot of kids, I had friends around the neighborhood that I walked around and played with. One weekend two of them came to knock on my door to ask to see me. Lucky me, my father was the only other one there to answer. ""Come tell your little shithead friends to leave."" Naturally, I obliged. As soon as a shut the door, he berated me for what must have been more than an hour about how my shithead friends weren't supposed to come over. The next time I saw one of them they told me they heard it. Henceforth, I had to do what I could to shift my social interactions to not interfere with my father noticing. I couldn't maintain this and I grew apart from them. I became permanently withdrawn throughout grade school. I didn't realize that this was as bad as it actually was. The actual physical abuse I endured was pretty infrequent; however, when it happened it was pretty egregious. He always favored strangling me. When I became a teen, the abuse took a strange misogynistic bent. ""She'll be pregnant by the time she's fifteen!"" ""I've seen streetwalkers with more clothes than you!"" (No the fuck he didn't) As I was wearing a bulky ass bathrobe to pick up mail on our porch, he saw me and asked, ""Are you really going out in that?"" I decided to not entertain it. ""Yep."" ""Well don't come crying to me when you're on the street sucking dick for crack!"" I can't figure out where tf to put this in my post, but he was obsessed with guns. He had a .44 magnum and AR he constantly fucking cleaned and played with. He had accidentally discharged it once when I was about twelve. My first assumption was that he shot my mom. He got hammered once and decided it would be funny to follow me with his new laser scope for his AR at me as I walked past. As most people would, I got irate and told him to stop. This sent him into a rant asking when I would move out. (I had just turned 18) I had one fucking friend through high school that I constantly had to debate whether I could leave my mom to hang out with. I spent all night waiting for his fucking chainsaw snoring to start so I knew I could sleep without worried that we were going to be fucking murder suicided. It was so fucking frequent that I felt I had to press my ear against my bedroom door to monitor his freak outs at my mom to make sure we weren't in immediate danger. He constantly threatened suicide at that point to manipulate her. Every fucking time I was paralyzed with '911' inputted on my phone and my thumb against the call button. It came when I heard, ""I think you should know what it's like to have bullets flying past your head too."" Fuck that. A police officer pulled me out of my bedroom window and walked me to his car to have me write a statement. They took him away and and placed a no contact court order and I haven't seen him physically since. The fucked up thing is I was euphoric. I naively thought that my life would all be better with him gone. I hadn't the slightest clue the long term repercussions this would have psychologically. It's been a few years and I still live with my mom. I don't have anyone else to talk to but her, and I'm pretty sure there's nothing to say between us. I'm so deeply dysfunctional on such a fundamental level. Sorry about the formatting. This was rushed and I didn't proofread dick ",3.629560164754338,5.320202082524272,4.243896734333628,86.87283024418949,73.07766990291263,7.372580170638423,26.80523683436305,8.05143319584413,1.5536923948220058,3292,118,672,49,66,1045,368,824,0.11800000000000001,0.8009999999999999,0.081,-0.9859,1,0,1,2,4,3,103.0,4,5,6,4,30,33,14,1,36,1,73,22,9,8,6,108,135,42,4,14,9,8,4,3,4,10,3,5,9,1,40,46,1,3,16,4,1,26,19,17,1,9,61,14,118,16,112,52,10,106,0,0,5,13,83,41,14,7,40,446,158,3,0.0,0.24539309694590336,0.10105540660090756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055334764864932426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308331114574249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0362042699836345,0.053052516430879965,0.0,0.1382797667970575,0.14521587416367174,0.0,0.0486469855871868,0.03981396330154705,0.04323233406912494,0.031563290994092025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045793292254938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052870964276588564,0.11844011155269965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380607464396901,0.0,0.16786035354929968,0.0,0.12402117735270307,0.0,0.056875526506884426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043253741763846894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362506379478904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14914454023551948,0.0,0.0,0.08808440938459537,0.0,0.0,0.16001372456909962,0.4786777922015518,0.0,0.0,0.1177061599444774,0.0,0.0828229381129936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157394673893812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313900227689944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05470613130599996,0.0,0.0,0.050990743056670805,0.059744676129673865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728450900579767,0.0,0.05691149408030575,0.0,0.0,0.10965051395320906,0.056256775220691405,0.10589269996753203,0.07314444001840913,0.07588811242930184,0.05189499872393324,0.04572078178975538,0.09164351900630877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440196684137144,0.0,0.04899344463217035,0.06912422121207455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217988496219962,0.0,0.0,0.2425663240937652,0.0,0.055031650242536985,0.0,0.0,0.0399342626086561,0.050007361018624186,0.055066320795697316,0.04858999579727806,0.050731290229334085,0.04968223443130732,0.058949414608829714,0.05433213365140198,0.11028342060754054,0.14034401901909735,0.039379380911369034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885561511484132,0.03589623517576609,0.0,0.05409682298776725,0.056836520293021685,0.04894679536482107,0.0,0.04958885849736444,0.2107067130983176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05205103085422206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634042096402569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04925258333701104,0.041175816988771485,0.0,0.10480387777859866,0.041260235191744966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04283116473238264,0.0,0.05181523385331725,0.0527809878689836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057961053343567485,0.03664862201639906,0.0,0.041349850320344265,0.043288593129708425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327310728213398,0.0,0.09760000384175907,0.0,0.0,0.12485120069137512,0.09051222962359796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03439889651525053,0.09953144851550752,0.0,0.041105821728897166,0.12076830076527452,0.0,0.0,0.09895189100754023,0.11505417193449125,0.0,0.05631942210035666,0.05057942656977366,0.0,0.06228236690355149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046554496892665165,0.047998576898438436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04991199056100122,0.0,0.0,0.052582910400318816,0.0,0.22068895394303575,0.0,0.0,0.06668646337840607 ptsd,saijanai,2018/12/15,"The main and supplemental (appendix) charts from the new PTSD study on Transcendental Meditation Because these secondary tests were not completely specified in the original study, the editorial policy of *The Lancet* was not to allow them in the main body of the study, but only in the appendix. Since other TM studies show exactly the same pattern (the effects occur extremely rapidly at first — within 2 weeks or a month — and then level off), the finding reported in the main body of *The Lancet* study — that only reported effects on PTSD at the end of three months — actually misses the most important comparison: by the time Prolonged Exposure Therapy has a clinically significant effect, TM has had that same effect for 2 months: [Non-trauma-focused meditation versus exposure therapy in veterans with post-traumatic stress disorder: a randomised controlled trial.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/30449712) [Full text (CAPTCHA input required to access)](http://cyber.sci-hub.se/MTAuMTAxNi9zMjIxNS0wMzY2KDE4KTMwMzg0LTU=/10.1016%40S2215-0366%2818%2930384-5.pdf) . [Main study graph](https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10217758678669428&set=a.2219338093698&type=3&theater) Appendix graphs: [Figure 1](https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10217731200302486&set=pob.1555020826&type=3&theater) [Figure 2](https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10217731201622519&set=pob.1555020826&type=3&theater) . TM is a hyper-efficient relaxation practice. Until you see those last 2 graphs, you really don't understand just how important this study is for people with PTSD.",17.992153518123672,22.390504736318405,11.202320540156359,40.31921641791047,41.43781094527364,14.698081023454161,44.20788912579958,13.371156678226304,7.728200852878466,1376,60,123,45,14,361,132,201,0.057,0.868,0.075,0.5165,0,0,0,0,0,0,128.0,0,2,1,7,2,3,0,1,20,0,8,6,5,8,1,27,11,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,4,0,2,8,2,0,0,3,2,0,2,3,1,3,1,24,8,8,25,0,1,1,0,3,13,0,2,12,80,9,4,0.0,0.0,0.08216850846601721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8210905174904759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05132844704699102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705774804049186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828366073410758,0.0,0.09443913133524856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650220292818606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745775282102883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695863683065847,0.07162174476053465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686354529381696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016264790390348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132232416716828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807805550003232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837471152011755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064175240722303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2952811092351941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05394163088323802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06709768628316637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965234301260144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645252282079768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19258348511939816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909856621055272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765672108119563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754135668160444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Foxienerd,2018/12/15,"Quit Job Over Toxic Manager and Co-workers Before I started my job, earlier this year, I had my complex ptsd symptoms under control to the point that I did not need medication and individual/group therapies was working for me. When I started working the director, who hired me, was very impress with my work 2 months into it. I was happy and I worked very hard to learn everything as much as I could even though the training was barely existent. My director then left as she had an opportunity elsewhere and things started going downhill. My coworker became extremely lazy with her job so it meant more work for me. My manager also became toxic and would get annoyed with any minor mistake I would make even though I had no proper training. Whenever I am triggered I could easily forget what people tell me the second they either stop talking or say something different. I started to write things down and ask them to slowly explain and I'd repeat what they said to ensure I got it right. They later got annoyed with this. They would say I got it right but complain afterwards that it was done incorrectly. Later their complaints turned into forms of scolding via email, using all caps for certain words. I tried my best for the longest time to not let it get to me, in other words I would suffer on the inside so no one would notice. After awhile I'd approach the new director and explained what was happening and for now I was just making them aware. The issue ofcourse kept on going. I kept getting harassed on a daily basis ended up with panic attacks at work and overall anxiety. My director and HR were the only ones aware of my ptsd and while in their office I broke down and showed them the hostile emails, which my director saw as they were in the email chain. Between the director and hr they put me on short term disability leave for 6 weeks. I had to go back on daily medication and sleeping medication for my night terrors, insomnia, and my depression and anxiety. A week before my return I had almost everything ready until a small mistake had occured(don't want to reveal too much) my hr understood and it was not going to be a problem however there was no communication from my hr to my manager and director. My manager texted me and after I explained my situation the harassment began again, erasing how well I was recovering. I then(normally I would not do this) I sent an email to hr saying I quit and why. My insurance with them ended two days later and the insurance I have through the government keeps screwing up by not removing my expired insurance when they said they would. So now I'm running out of meds and I can't schedule anything with a counselor nor a psychiatrist and I'm spiraling down my depression, anxiety, and complex ptsd. I'm sorry for the long rant and wording. My symptoms are really bad right now. Any kind words, advice, or internet hugs are welcome! Thank you!",6.148611180496577,7.4775024103512076,6.798199530399161,72.36558824998751,66.48613678373383,9.767317779887096,33.84528151071589,9.966358637471284,3.6376648948393857,2328,104,384,53,37,765,269,541,0.166,0.7659999999999999,0.068,-0.9948,6,0,1,0,0,0,47.0,0,1,14,11,20,28,7,2,24,0,37,9,1,6,2,88,76,46,0,14,10,0,1,0,0,7,6,5,0,0,20,36,0,5,9,1,0,9,10,18,1,4,32,7,75,10,60,33,8,72,0,4,1,2,37,26,1,3,37,287,95,23,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06671269186915389,0.0,0.0,0.06836258235507386,0.0,0.0,0.0545955254297962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285193504024318,0.0,0.15667917864753902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618042501676477,0.0,0.0638232705781885,0.07766702501272045,0.0,0.05249544584335243,0.057002630826237875,0.0,0.0,0.1161855495276864,0.0,0.07164519388147897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657065372700554,0.10901614172959688,0.0,0.0,0.044028527240413236,0.0,0.11760176890646695,0.0,0.0,0.07132766009611036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0698639526289804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093398165924465,0.0,0.0,0.09018343362487316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227134177418217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700483272395436,0.0,0.15519774552447518,0.0,0.1638053600454684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060370969919354575,0.0726747258676298,0.061156545237326124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712561834813592,0.20324243805598707,0.06068154737840317,0.0,0.07109273982046628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072288113762123,0.07417559700228847,0.06981074019496003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06041683607900177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114156216046378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758326228209173,0.20632464540808676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544924937025934,0.0,0.1003726676613514,0.050621368785544386,0.0,0.06593562897115934,0.0,0.06406680675283635,0.0,0.0,0.07772589175956024,0.0,0.0,0.09252309037981624,0.051922440936624695,0.0,0.08010018102810032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047329848962222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06453725357153219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06532520714130155,0.239412066245205,0.06863024538911723,0.0,0.14522717975544566,0.0,0.0,0.04373553506298244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490672055589188,0.12988088131948422,0.1628732252364728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673838410747913,0.06831934268904509,0.0,0.0,0.052557611304792716,0.0,0.07642271917959696,0.19328753962262427,0.0,0.0,0.05707680943653321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191742106181324,0.0,0.05487287123139314,0.05967102310789089,0.06285387943487078,0.07807273925609191,0.0,0.09071116057502633,0.0,0.13414993315410687,0.0,0.0398088086860397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046350875038803266,0.07425819807000472,0.06668990796448045,0.0,0.0,0.058963393930468885,0.0,0.11265986379140445,0.04026743774916449,0.0,0.10952421441405233,0.0,0.06138296385827183,0.0,0.06160309136703152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3479098097956496,0.0,0.0,0.33947953801779224,0.0,0.0,0.043963666719783634 ptsd,Sammy_the_Lamanite,2019/01/03,"BCBS insurance is screwing us in 2019 I really just need to vent about how livid I am with my Blue Cross (PPO) insurance. I was informed today that my psych doctor - who has been amazing and so helpful in getting my PTSD under control - will no longer be able to accept BCBS insurance. Why, might you ask? Because someone thought it was a bright idea to make each and every psychiatric visit (even my follow ups for medication refills) require preauthorization with the turn of the new year. And for smaller offices, it’s completely unreasonable to call for preauthorization on every single visit. Just one preauthorization takes about 40 minutes. So my doctor is in an awful position of sending patients to new doctors or work out cash prices. This is crap. I pay hundreds of dollars a month for the luxury of heath insurance and in turn, my insurance is making it impossible to receive the healthcare I need. I am really looking forward to the day when mental health services are taken seriously. 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I’ll give a little backstory. I was always kicked out of my house living at different cousins, aunts, and finally my grandmas house. One of my best friends died in my arms as I performed CPR on him waiting for the medics to arrive. I became a paramedic after that saying to myself I’m going to be better so nobody has to go through that. Turns out it’s really hard to save lives. I’m not going to go into calls I’ve ran or things I’ve seen. But friends and family always ask what’s the worst I’ve seen/done. Not realizing that to them it’s just a story but to us we relive it. It makes me just want to be alone. But at the same time I want to have friends. It’s weird. Is that a form of PTSD. I’m sorry I’m super new and don’t know how this works. Thanks for listening or reading. 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I have ptsd from being abused from a former partner, including 2 incidents where I was almost killed. My boyfriend knows about my ptsd. He went to visit his parents over Christmas. We ended up getting in a fight. Unbeknownst to me, he apparently shares a lot with his mother. ...Just not my ptsd history. I was stunned when his mother, who has texted me only once ever, texted me to say “There are no words to describe you. You’re a piece of work. There’s a word for it Bipolar Disorder”. While I don’t have anything negative about someone being bipolar, I do not have that diagnosis. She clearly thought this was an insult. I haven’t responded to her, and don’t think I will. My concern is that my boyfriend clearly never shared my ptsd or trauma history with her, but must have told her a lot more things about me for her to text me something like this. ...I’m left with a ptsd episode worse than I’ve had in years. My boyfriend and I made up, or so I thought. I haven’t been able to work since the holidays. He’s vague about what his mother said, only indicating she was really upset that I was hurting him. As anyone with ptsd knows, yes, I didn’t pull any punches in the messages during the fight. But, he apparently shared everything with her(btw, he said some pretty crappy things too). I don’t know why Im posting. I’ve never done this before. I guess I’m lost. My boyfriend never took the time to understand ptsd symptoms? I don’t feel like I can ever see or talk to his mom again...Our relationship must be over.. Maybe someone has some thoughts. Should I confront his mother????",2.7388322026232497,5.119964411940298,3.4096879240162856,88.69777928539123,78.01492537313433,6.329262777023972,25.375395748530078,7.463857097105799,1.2880945273631847,1358,51,267,19,33,427,171,335,0.14800000000000002,0.7829999999999999,0.069,-0.9683,3,0,1,0,3,0,58.0,1,1,0,3,13,14,5,1,13,1,34,3,0,1,9,45,56,12,1,3,8,8,1,2,1,4,3,3,0,1,11,9,0,0,9,1,0,4,14,9,0,0,21,5,48,5,33,28,6,28,0,2,1,0,46,10,0,9,15,170,59,2,0.08331123453850199,0.09871018977423808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342416710741395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665449635014466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058253152272007676,0.0,0.06855804744795849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07089172442989962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548189252799276,0.0,0.0,0.08525631797570524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0737890257166168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071956259653216,0.0,0.0,0.07487476566379167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042124663405179126,0.0595175626006776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04352668150196788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177671743579248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08918639965740335,0.0,0.08999042958120616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217153743053956,0.0,0.13735702717605375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051790009146478,0.0,0.0,0.08140332196501808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09094405392982924,0.1416564647333881,0.0,0.07883110450170952,0.0,0.0,0.08369733288493487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757311098858364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19276428015236444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872374579894783,0.0,0.1900858440436161,0.0,0.0,0.09250726673511388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07978913333559279,0.0847574764551179,0.0,0.0,0.6817046242618133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05337131015144589,0.0,0.0,0.08944508753519713,0.0,0.0,0.15849612425371848,0.06625243757312274,0.0,0.0,0.06638826758528889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891591412479174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117867733859607,0.06413705856639737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08659227198747871,0.0,0.06696241454857199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106965646647606,0.053382475132060805,0.0,0.198419442805105,0.09715890166120277,0.0,0.0,0.07960745482606031,0.09256184699013836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672993328307102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772303490767337,0.07517543093740515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130314195208786,0.0,0.08490126547262107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729940715335404 ptsd,CDRChakotay,2019/01/03,"Reaction / Anxiety as-if I'm a young boy. Mindfulness to counter act / accept? NSFW Trigger I grew up with an alcoholic father that would beat mother. When I was in my teens I had to fight him make him stop. I'm not a person that likes to fight, not my thing but had no choice. As kids my sisters and I would tackle him to the floor. This could be anytime of the night, no telling when he would explode. Now in my late 40's I still have instant sense of dread if I thing my boss is pissed, or someone is angry or slamming something. The fight, flight, freeze response kicks in and a flood of anxiety and brain foq. I have working more so now on acceptance of the feelings instead of pushing those down, still I find my inclination to thing WTF is wrong with me (I know the cause) and want to battle these emotions and get them out of my life. Any suggestions on acceptance or other techniques to work through these issues to bring some peace wound be appreciated. ",3.77687943262411,5.483015978723408,4.110765957446809,87.9136666666667,72.72340425531915,7.14099290780142,27.42695035460993,7.793537801064563,1.5203073758865249,756,28,153,10,15,236,119,188,0.214,0.684,0.102,-0.9745,0,0,2,0,3,0,22.0,0,0,1,3,9,11,5,1,9,0,14,5,2,4,0,33,22,14,0,6,7,3,2,1,0,3,3,0,0,3,10,8,1,1,6,0,0,4,4,7,0,0,3,2,21,4,26,13,2,23,0,0,0,0,16,9,1,5,11,104,31,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18457317835270015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744790341631638,0.0,0.2642435117540407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928001340706336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741950786522528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789391981037186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942741490342582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0873267563527406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785271025626274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023321738633433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18026311140864887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491623731340618,0.0,0.19482304405492232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12198932990842025,0.08437679365135099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152844621406644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17438664977017734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16207550501640516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080265859235242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463356020149704,0.13295966860878522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27585093445914577,0.1443922864743324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509550997658992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3442201486069241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018681223506361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514681202359352,0.0,0.0,0.3680621193206955,0.18882995566160607,0.0,0.0 ptsd,broccoli49,2019/01/03,"My mom has ptsd and I don't know what to do. Hello everyone, I'm a 21yo guy and my mom has what I'm pretty sure is ptsd. She shows a lot of those symptoms like anxiety, panic attacks, tensed up muscles, stress, depression... She has this feeling for more than 10 years but last 3 years it got worse. All of this happened because of many traumatic things that happened to her in her life I love my mom so much. She is without questioning the most important person in my life. But it really breaks my heart seeing her like this. She has been to many therapists but they don't really seem to help her. The thing with my mom is she understands that all the things that happened to her in the past are things that are just so unfair but are things that sometimes are part of life (how bad it could be). She is just really depressed because that feeling of anxiety and constant stress won't go away. She is always tensed up and no doctor can do anything about it. She take anti-depressants and they help her a little bit. I'm clueless, I don't know what to do and how I can help her. Has anyone here got some advice for me? Does ptsd get better? I would really appreciate it. Thank you",2.930805084745764,4.737825555084747,3.812000000000001,88.74952542372883,75.22881355932203,7.262372881355933,23.24067796610169,8.07648339933343,1.151349830508475,925,27,192,15,20,296,118,236,0.168,0.6709999999999999,0.161,-0.4999,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,2,1,8,13,1,3,7,0,27,7,1,2,3,31,47,14,0,2,7,4,2,2,0,2,5,0,0,2,23,7,0,0,7,1,0,1,6,7,0,0,3,3,30,6,23,40,9,14,0,2,1,1,30,7,0,5,7,136,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542788964088605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0727422119867947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337553740526484,0.0,0.0,0.06112758309285475,0.0,0.07194096076535854,0.0,0.0,0.09945528887570533,0.08213596504063926,0.0,0.07299382349935714,0.1065834330479504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731776607219118,0.09544231934742847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447226081545122,0.0,0.06979945392562757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258896468025716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894802502482361,0.07650369149977533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353558768748448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840650718900156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04567445256599958,0.0,0.049684008790947226,0.0,0.13983892048603427,0.0,0.0,0.08656164912508456,0.23192129164413894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359564010907048,0.17579162462830358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09608982821377034,0.07126070068176743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18524649870139911,0.0854200697022564,0.08761993676532531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432316519282328,0.07890188180972009,0.0,0.0,0.17726462842865245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095509490530391,0.0,0.0,0.0642653214530227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257102859085,0.0,0.0946696431224741,0.0834543111884216,0.0,0.07633362830467108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893973085883164,0.0,0.0,0.3065753607125622,0.0,0.0979327884980497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22401940968435705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06966411575911373,0.07958582007120403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08646271789010443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028349969296505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239431905956009,0.09086506214114712,0.06573055885673662,0.0,0.0,0.08048654799292235,0.0,0.10150382622618234,0.290396879427342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09100951616563832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427180969887071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909061497020511,0.06210216997390139,0.0,0.0,0.11259396566136505 ptsd,Lemons-are-evil,2019/01/03,"Does it ever get better?? And when I say “it” I mean the nightmares, flashbacks, the isolation, the constant anxiety. I mean *all* of it. Does PTSD ever get better?? My incident probably wasn’t even that traumatic but I still have fits and panic attacks and flashbacks and oh my! I just need to know one day I’ll never be reminded of that time. That I won’t sleep deprive myself because I’m so scared of falling asleep because the nightmares are so horrible. I refuse to go to a therapist and “talk it out” or seek some mental help because those were *massive* factors in what happened. The whole thing is barely a year old, but it feels like it’s everyday now. That I can’t escape it. Does time actually heal all wounds? Can the mind eventually get over it, make it less important? Or do I get stuck with it? Ta. Apologies, I did try to write in as few triggering words as I could. ",1.0943629929221428,3.693791034883724,2.7625682507583416,88.57596056622852,89.23255813953489,6.014560161779578,23.75733063700708,7.423996415210882,1.4017024266936295,686,28,134,13,23,225,111,172,0.204,0.7190000000000001,0.077,-0.9801,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,1,2,8,0,12,4,2,2,5,30,26,14,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,17,7,0,1,4,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,4,2,14,3,14,19,6,20,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,3,14,91,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.13482868822286967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10569551660831666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15718214257334215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526715153917509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24439066574729265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930681451519648,0.0,0.1103131652675682,0.0,0.0,0.08910471651081599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3627262344911486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125639432858866,0.2499555242716992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986015713432461,0.09870479522986844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887411377050262,0.0,0.07852210819229262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217847148903635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926087977753092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07593163344495735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750022912981896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09222592223351436,0.0,0.0,0.3010034385104237,0.0,0.0,0.13923738823510773,0.0,0.13950682773402576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244727674845268,0.10656103268054816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1449804726925392,0.0,0.09362388723544272,0.0,0.0,0.16210635172967314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14896477305040964,0.0,0.16150698671312533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987401026500153,0.13832683591382802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826434914054864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033840275209887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105144645219583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16041971287784254,0.09179039992945454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16112974178009706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380467254352927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542558064122734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08897345210871854 ptsd,catabear11,2019/01/03,"Does anyone experience sudden panic from hearing a noise while trying to fall asleep? I'm bad at explaining, but every night while lying in bed, if I hear any noise (car, door shutting, etc.), it feels like my brain has an electrical shock and my heart does a weird skip. It's like a mini panic attack but I calm down fast. I'm very jumpy and startle easily, but it seems silly that normal, faint noises affect me so much. I'm just wondering if anyone has this problem too. I have a hard time falling asleep because of this. Any tips or advice would be appreciated.",4.568188073394495,5.9786052110091825,5.420997706422019,80.4643405963303,70.28440366972477,7.651834862385322,23.716743119266056,8.07648339933343,1.3171366972477072,444,11,82,6,8,145,82,109,0.27399999999999997,0.5920000000000001,0.134,-0.9576,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,3,12,1,3,5,0,5,5,4,1,0,17,14,11,0,5,7,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,2,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,8,0,0,0,4,6,4,6,12,2,13,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,5,8,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253513749880247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226219353558626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23260272879810245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892236729755206,0.0,0.0,0.13887807821197956,0.10139284148517654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856785878112829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29111190898787564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550121719691345,0.0,0.0,0.14013966981306547,0.0,0.0,0.16270204212459416,0.0,0.0,0.0841011282273097,0.11882573674027518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899844708105014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37493058186016304,0.19710110691234425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16252025928039224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227122667645295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560888483574472,0.16296746969522807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3903033612439472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915474593161338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15142001356471685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698799452043526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292672558315772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13723915149344212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803771090246485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11815561379443405,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cassidylmc,2019/01/03,Episodes Just joined an honestly need to know that there are people out there going what I am in order to just relate. I was raped by my ex step father when I was 8 and later diagnosed with ptsd from its been years and the episodes still happen. Just the heart racing flashes of images and tears begin to well and I just break down. Some are better than others but they happen way more often sometimes 4 or 5 a day. I’m a high schooler and dealing with it and my depression cutting etc it’s just too much. I think I’ll break once he’s released. He was a cop so they cut his sentence by a few years. I’m so scared of my own brain ,1.7324999999999982,3.558884522727276,2.9136363636363636,93.76545454545456,78.77272727272728,5.3090909090909095,20.090909090909093,5.985473137389443,-0.09239090909090876,495,12,108,3,12,159,91,132,0.147,0.8,0.053,-0.9358,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,1,14,8,3,1,7,0,7,4,2,0,0,21,16,11,0,1,7,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,4,0,11,3,14,12,6,17,0,1,0,1,8,4,0,3,7,73,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18443805474073494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23280133953396734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344920480594223,0.2149971818547804,0.17961653213242,0.21166528430545345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325789546208445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851896916638613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3688252093217901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471227417964733,0.0,0.22033559815481132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460898249162862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15330203494260913,0.15463091750409586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220899455510943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457645350057405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437739130937864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20878647272697565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625292614323806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654155185975889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362500521932005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553057622158554,0.0,0.0,0.18750389901024986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685878428346935 ptsd,haykorr,2019/01/03,"Torn About College Hi everyone! I've been attending a four-year university four hours away from my hometown, so i've been staying in the dorms up there and trying to soak up that ""traditional college experience."" Truth is, I really hate it. I was diagnosed with PTSD at the end of 2018, alongside depression and anxiety. My trauma happened in February of 2018, so it is pretty fresh and still hurts. It's terrible timing that I also had to go off to college for the first time a couple of months after. My hyper vigilance intensifies when I am at my college. I don't feel safe at all, but I've been toughing it out for 2 semesters to see if I still like it and get acclimated. I like the school and it's objectively a good school to attend, but don't know if it's the best option for me right now. It has a few cool things that I like (great academics for my major, amazing recreation center and yoga) but it all boils down to my PTSD. My other option is a school 20 minutes away from my home, and commuting there because I feel safer staying at my house. I'm kind of upset about leaving the ""Traditional college experience"" behind but then again it's for my mental health, and i really didn't like it anyways. I'm not into partying, drinking, sports, or greek life, so it was hard for to meet people since my school is big on those things. I'm anxious i won't make friends as easily at the commuter school, but i also don't have many friends currently at the university that I am attending. I've had my first long break since the summer before senior year and it's the best I've felt in a while, since I've been away from the university and am now getting anxious about returning next week. It might be a long shot that anyone has experience with this. Regardless, can anyone give me some help/advice/reassurance? I'm not sure what to do. (I've also never posted a text post to reddit before let alone this sub so excuse me if I'm doing everything wrong haha)",5.8569217839533865,5.979869100515463,6.74273868220529,76.7670304796056,66.75773195876289,9.840609592111162,30.52935903182429,9.653516015845867,2.685050067234424,1553,53,300,30,23,518,193,388,0.114,0.759,0.127,0.9234,1,1,1,0,0,0,45.0,0,0,0,4,19,25,1,1,19,2,29,5,0,1,5,41,46,30,0,4,11,0,4,4,2,2,3,0,2,0,26,14,2,1,4,3,0,4,8,8,0,3,10,6,28,17,49,32,7,57,0,2,1,0,6,22,0,8,30,200,54,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669834398743774,0.0,0.20082863884074967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403794274095734,0.1891370103711203,0.0,0.11706399667956628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23594498225583266,0.0,0.0,0.05102885645531312,0.0,0.14246213757703105,0.0,0.1756970209973334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262355443601172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209932495634049,0.08496391692867201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200395926983316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414223887098799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998851962475492,0.07523317603587706,0.2456534119455376,0.0,0.0,0.08465261131218403,0.0,0.08037475492438935,0.0,0.0,0.14240741509745902,0.0,0.0,0.1293483208618038,0.0,0.08747006986036353,0.08030228715649748,0.047574338341628684,0.07021200037934194,0.0,0.09229060203423446,0.0,0.0,0.07402450181862265,0.0,0.07498774328437235,0.08264632268417385,0.0,0.08897984592546494,0.0,0.0,0.056109067626975456,0.0,0.08396798396648353,0.0,0.08243751605229149,0.0965901338602794,0.08961331692923427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717111312210032,0.046004842502401215,0.0,0.0,0.08863683349459567,0.0,0.0855991757532535,0.059126868787261436,0.16358596643357431,0.0,0.0,0.14816148218853425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055877094097641834,0.08486883017382849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436002000200908,0.08880311173958741,0.0,0.0,0.06681654617405282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645623346021593,0.0,0.08902656506673619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803399374333914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16034213558519567,0.08516319336660318,0.0,0.0,0.1957050875814702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107253575655085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148790702537143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4235950899515935,0.06670605480607553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20773740203628246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844750498982395,0.13370187391679053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889571127122581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122644674957703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762398168899426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05683361453672212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06714713561755305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152377523419383,0.0,0.10781302773168157 ptsd,shonuph,2019/01/03,Trauma has destroyed sex for me I guess I should be happy that I’m numb to this,-0.4450000000000003,1.491198944444449,1.6866666666666674,99.00000000000004,87.33333333333334,3.6,14.555555555555555,3.1291,-1.3746444444444441,63,1,15,0,2,21,16,18,0.364,0.47600000000000003,0.16,-0.5719,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7191102737618021,0.0,0.0,0.6948959736321876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Threshbp,2019/02/06,"Does Anyone Feels This Way Hey people, I wanna ask if anyone relate to that. I live in a house with 2 rooms and one room with curtains and the other is not but when I am in the room that doesn't have curtains or the bathroom I feel afraid for some reason. keep in mind my bathroom does not have any windows or something like that but for some reason, I still feel afraid. So the moment I wake up I stay in the room that has curtains and one more thing that I find really hard to get a shower now because I am afraid of the bathroom so the last time I got a shower was 2 weeks ago. Last time I took a shower I did it really fast so I wasn't that clean and when I was taking the shower I was putting pressure on my teeth so when I finished the shower I came out of the shower my teeth hurt. &#x200B; I appreciate Any advice \^\^",2.2873714285714293,3.6380610228571433,3.512428571428572,92.14407142857144,75.91428571428571,5.685714285714287,20.5,5.773587663045528,-0.08774285714285668,649,14,143,3,14,211,89,175,0.078,0.88,0.042,-0.7115,6,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,4,14,0,12,3,3,2,0,26,22,16,0,2,7,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,15,0,10,8,0,1,6,0,0,3,4,5,0,2,8,4,21,1,16,14,3,30,0,1,0,0,2,11,0,5,15,98,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14641479963889592,0.1328176656675004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16234368924737827,0.18206315450210198,0.20378277482289528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2095330428639502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007336703385564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913366352612821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136871549958746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622392455124995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22727977522209375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13694439140097436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828141195081642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198349134618155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422068674866894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17288684166302118,0.16039902540412368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317820570953606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24426732900246545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0732006985258045,0.0,0.1323050366000558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128833443823828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20306105720485695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387514217436464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15062326742150242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919733539131044,0.3081059810101102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11534854782629828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15970174337352155,0.11965660353747085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126555583383592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954220125499967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17473732761560548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664696647006243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893023879682753,0.1201867700114162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18206315450210198,0.0 ptsd,Taye_Carrol,2019/02/06,"The Only Way Out is Through: Using Virtual Reality for PTSD in Veterans In 1997, virtual reality, then a newly developed technology, was hypothesized to be an effective method of delivering exposure therapy. In virtual reality exposure therapy, the person is immersed in a computer-created virtual environment. While initially developed for advanced game play, it was quickly realized that the technology could also be used therapeutically. The first study with ten veterans demonstrated that this therapy was effective in symptom improvement in all participants. This success was considered so significant that after the September 11 terrorist attacks on New York’s World Trade Center, burn victims suffering from PTSD were treated using virtual reality exposure techniques. The outcomes for this treatment situation was also extremely successful. To date, virtual reality exposure therapy for PTSD has primarily been used with Vietnam War veterans so the virtual setting includes such imagery as helicopters and jungles. Research has shown that this type of therapy helps to reduce PTSD symptoms in these veterans. A few subsequent studies conducted with small numbers of Iraq and Afghanistan War vets found that virtual reality based therapy was also helpful in reducing symptoms in these former soldiers. [This article](https://medium.com/swlh/the-only-way-out-is-through-using-virtual-reality-for-ptsd-in-veterans-a0a3a0b1b3db?source=friends_link&sk=67afc5dbc04e6a71afec35e744d68eb1) discussed an amazing personal experience working on an inpatient PTSD unit at the VA Hospital in New Orleans. A more complete discussion of virtual reality exposure therapy is also presented. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; # ",14.033809523809525,16.22385888888889,13.063587301587305,31.32585714285716,49.39682539682539,18.466031746031746,59.65714285714286,15.817742638202086,11.461817142857145,1448,108,132,74,15,472,143,252,0.078,0.7979999999999999,0.124,0.8795,0,0,1,0,0,0,61.0,0,0,0,7,8,10,4,0,15,0,16,3,0,6,1,17,21,11,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,13,6,0,0,4,2,1,1,0,5,0,2,9,0,0,5,32,9,3,30,0,1,0,0,7,17,0,1,10,93,13,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207866373757817,0.0,0.2991400993238937,0.2516069012605293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07852219184880592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236797962681922,0.0,0.0,0.055108241844631096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06751650448912197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058709855510841624,0.0,0.07567877369121664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09252763280545068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332325029565878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249414237015245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053423953643545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4840963122649813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758332597479999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21522004276869766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5525266129759979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384504842051925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957248665233202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050248647675088944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2516069012605293,0.0 ptsd,lifesabeachblonde,2019/02/06,"Tomorrow I will have my first (much needed) appt with a therapist and I think I stumbled on a conflict of interest. Kind of panicking..... I've waited weeks for this appointment and I have been in a major crisis mode for months where I am crying every second I am alone and in a constant panic. It's been a really dark last few months for me. I ended up finding a therapist who can see me after I get off work and who, coincidentally, I used to see her when I was a teenager a loooong time ago at the beginning of her career. She was actually really excited to see me based on that knowledge. Now, I have this appointment tomorrow. I can't wait. This morning when I was looking through my emails from my kids school, see her name as one of the moms who will be helping at my son's Valentines Day party. She has a child in the same class as my child. She has a very unique name and her child does not have the same last name (I have no idea who the child is to be honest). This would be considered a conflict of interest right? I'm crushed.... I don't want to say anything, because my son and I have different last names too and I never go to the classrooms, but I know the truth. :( ",3.2606043700604346,4.506193807531382,4.646910739191075,85.39571245932125,73.26778242677823,8.15629939562994,26.666899116689912,8.680891452615391,1.8036636913063688,916,32,194,17,18,305,130,239,0.08199999999999999,0.863,0.055,-0.5946,1,1,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,2,5,7,0,1,18,0,25,0,0,1,2,31,41,12,0,3,2,3,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,5,10,8,0,4,5,0,0,1,5,1,0,3,5,6,34,6,28,30,5,32,0,0,5,0,26,11,0,0,20,138,44,5,0.0,0.0,0.13382224670824738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156033055638005,0.0,0.0,0.14202866474690792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284896035321247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359514164376539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819229965545305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506344092983422,0.08843958591415177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14327503367714645,0.0,0.0,0.12000621005175313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214593347909681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155406572725988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533728403433414,0.11664545183978035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164645053304748,0.0,0.07793597247783879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09191751063212894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480672005286336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280315207667058,0.07536483457463264,0.3353456459474141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11515737181500756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606087766990243,0.2189168650666704,0.0,0.10080869973911682,0.1016825493470468,0.10576559775831967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292502286083494,0.0,0.0,0.16089629351198126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17570211193226953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711102557894044,0.0,0.10905384530777863,0.0,0.13878614573742834,0.4371097051640911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31844448947124737,0.0,0.0878694339173988,0.0,0.0,0.07996348677994061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11843907734704265,0.0,0.11314927306620295,0.08088472959620546,0.0,0.11000000201529166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983462165592126,0.0,0.0,0.09741550908794472,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SparrowE343,2019/02/06,"My head is on fire, my brain is filled with acid I never thought I had a problem with PTSD, I’ve seen things, repeatedly, death, people injured ETC over the course of nearly 10 years and until about a year or so ago I though I had no issues. But I start dating a girl, and she’s wonderful, she makes me happy, she’s beautiful, she’s supportive and loving, the best possible thing that ever happened to a mutt like me. She tells me I have PTSD, she tells me that’s why I fly off the handle, why I’m irritable and why I blow up and get angry for no reason, and I realize that she has to live with the things I’ve seen just like I do. I come to terms with the fact that I have PTSD now, but it’s destroying our relationship and at this point I’m just wondering if I should spare her the mess that I’ve become. I can’t control my temper, I can’t communicate effectively, when I’m angry it’s like I’m not in control. It might cost me the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I’m wondering if it should, for her sake. ",2.585074884792625,3.531938921658984,4.381402649769587,87.80638968894009,74.52995391705069,7.8213133640553,22.77908986175116,8.278499904357787,1.0046776497695853,794,20,182,13,16,270,112,217,0.135,0.72,0.145,0.2799,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,1,0,0,5,9,12,2,0,11,0,13,4,2,5,4,39,32,17,1,5,8,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,1,15,13,0,2,7,0,1,2,6,4,0,0,5,4,34,8,20,24,4,23,0,0,2,1,15,8,0,7,16,121,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808591094250872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12220592882252718,0.0,0.0,0.23224392219416026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352370960446818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531650110034308,0.0,0.0,0.24821021457418066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340571282024013,0.0,0.20018129970922785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781086094589032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956975769223384,0.11779061836168014,0.0,0.0,0.11356039961132322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549145613084623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217625480271586,0.0,0.09770733412591424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986733198563463,0.0,0.07386075996271707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11738379430896027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534128654489136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671184321189486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460146790785901,0.1247429819171854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058785767942754,0.3880371750921329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376820870300385,0.0,0.11879834022165205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07831972718832632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556605255387024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934286404589862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29404785690969376,0.0,0.10871457298773612,0.08784496023393806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29953740334694895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3599906143798278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14251192354828554 ptsd,idkidk122,2019/03/27,Why did I dream about enjoying sex with my rapist? Long story short. I was drugged and raped. I don’t remember much of it but I usually always have repetitive dreams of me being trapped in either a scary basement or a scary attic with the guy and I find myself being nice to him in the dream so that he doesn’t hurt me. Usually every time I see a crack in an exit door so I try to run for it but he always catches me every time. It makes me sick just talking about it. Anyways this dream I had last night was like no other. I had a dream about me having sex with my rapist but I was actually enjoying it. Idk why I dreamt this but i remember feeling aroused. I woke up hating myself. I’m not sure why I would have that dream but it’s making me so sick. ,0.37515723270440304,2.5570670503144695,2.475125786163524,93.05029874213841,86.04402515723271,5.545911949685537,18.89622641509434,6.937597516519254,0.20709056603773626,587,16,130,8,18,197,89,159,0.272,0.574,0.154,-0.9818,0,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,4,0,7,0,14,9,1,2,1,22,21,11,0,1,9,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,1,1,11,5,0,0,4,6,0,2,4,5,0,0,7,2,25,5,15,11,2,16,0,1,1,6,5,6,0,1,9,89,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.15667257484965913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26717910569237663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18618576249408267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705387589880365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08117835189158132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467387934170141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896866048489042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585088082081505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187092667526824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308687882808889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784360868603103,0.0,0.0,0.14208073149124434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21433528568229787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802192044949596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066427437293198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36374123148198856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793669342052102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131544586836276,0.0,0.0,0.12904313084827146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18723471882941975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900216989451517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35364388019212045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4346112533320072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11404933794283745,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,meowthofteamrocket,2019/03/27,"Targeted Advertisements knowing about my trauma (trigger warning: childhood sexual abuse) I googled a few things a long the lines of ""therapists who specialize in child sexual abuse trauma"" and now my Facebook is cluttered with advertisements that say things like ""Are you a survivor of childhood sexual abuse? Our lawyers can help!"" How messed up is that? I feel like I've been exploited. Not to mention that when I look up those things, I do it when I can feel safe and be able cope with any of the emotions that they bring up but these ads just pop up whenever which is not good for my mental health. ",5.917499999999998,7.54613375675676,5.341970720720724,81.47619932432436,67.28828828828829,9.153603603603603,30.992117117117118,9.516144504307137,2.8158009009009017,481,19,88,10,8,146,75,111,0.157,0.78,0.062,-0.8739,0,0,0,0,3,0,13.0,1,1,1,0,6,8,0,0,5,0,9,1,0,2,0,14,14,6,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,0,1,12,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,1,4,11,5,13,12,1,12,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,0,8,61,23,1,0.1860437532533746,0.6612942765167552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651613192443334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927418160544736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188138623268456,0.13290969449751042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604467344284334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977558099102236,0.0,0.0,0.1247012061717285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022447813235758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178316081327325,0.0,0.0,0.1646428671737423,0.15622989641625645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18748834532164085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794945983656382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2160111368481972,0.3707976086881053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,eternalyouth1818,2019/03/27,"betrayal and fear? There’s this somewhat new friend I have.. a man in his 30s like myself... he was being hurtful and condescending the other day, so yesterday I told him that I don’t want to talk to him anymore, how I won’t tolerate him being that way. He said “okay, goodbye”, and then i replied with how there’s some divide with us, how he seems different.. then he said “you remember that girl you asked me to text? sure you do. I know all about you. (I said he’s creeping me out) you creep everyone out buddy. trust me” ... and then he blocked me. Some context; Last summer I was close with this girl for a few months, and then she backed away abruptly because she had a nasty breakup with her long time (now ex) boyfriend, and needed space from all men... and when I tried to continue talking she blocked me... I then asked this man to send her a text of mine to her. He doesn’t know her, he actually doesn’t even live in the same state. a day or two after the text was sent, i visited her at work as a surprise... she got scared and called the police to warn me not to contact her, per her request. She also most likely blocked my friend who texted her. Anyways, what on earth does this mean, like what he said to me? why bring up a text he sent to a girl like 4 months ago? why say he “knows all about me”? those are scary things to say to someone. it’s been stressing me out all night and now all afternoon.. 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I have lived a life of crime, seen a thousand things I wish I hadn’t. Been close to death violence and fear most of my life. I recently changed my life and now I’m trying to do the right thing. But I have big issues with my nerves, get spooked super easy, I get severe anxiety when simple discussions get a little heated. Could I have gotten ptsd from the type I’ve lived? I feel so shitty, like if I died it wouldn’t really matter because I don’t matter and I don’t even feel sorry for it. I’m just numb with a bad feeling at all time",2.5170774976657317,3.603307075630251,4.043977591036416,89.61948646125119,74.88235294117648,7.305695611577962,21.625583566760035,7.793537801064563,0.7083605975723621,438,10,98,6,9,146,77,119,0.27699999999999997,0.597,0.127,-0.9666,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,6,0,11,4,0,0,1,19,22,7,2,4,3,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,4,15,2,10,16,2,9,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,2,5,59,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721919012262636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885371223868634,0.10137505224658999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592355034123808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327771696997335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725933417467076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983970704279222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871339478905796,0.2522591183901421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26065495637372754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357419215453945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523882267125628,0.08124587265900722,0.1666764789501885,0.29369222896046904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874784770978464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3887920454550833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653616003710936,0.0,0.16420137496413986,0.0,0.0,0.14201945356237414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18787187916827972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18615944744391105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22096491345666672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969709781063642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290691274001445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19123701126961645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Leperosy,2019/03/27,"Nightmares Sick of the nightmares. Every single night. On a shitload of meds so I don't wake up 1,000 times. Nightmares every fucking night for 3 years straight. Sweating so much and waking up feeling like my brain is melting. I just want them to go away. Will they ever go away?",1.5223113207547172,4.251060735849059,1.6880896226415096,94.7596816037736,92.58490566037734,2.6500000000000004,23.60613207547169,3.1291,-0.03277169811320757,221,9,40,0,8,66,43,53,0.062,0.804,0.135,0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,1,8.0,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,3,6,4,0,1,5,8,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,1,9,7,2,13,0,0,0,1,2,6,1,0,6,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4430772690117365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26322694883726283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21329149240038545,0.39733755120377023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922582801817773,0.1684531129527571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217990124511532,0.0,0.0,0.26801724333251553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11519829097929768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26191682687724904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333760617214414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.442558205391051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374948731159404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390789231521762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15184525678780106 ptsd,Christia68,2019/03/27,IPTSD I just was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety and panic attacks because of the treatment that the narc has dealt to me. I’m super startled by just about anything that I come in contact with. I can be going down the hallway and either him or the kids will suddenly be right there and I absolutely jump out of my skin! I’m afraid when it’s time for him to come home from work because I don’t know what kind of mood he is in and I start feeling anxiety and panic. I was prescribed Propanalol to take before I get to the full blown attack. It kinda helps me but I guess I’m so conditioned to having an attack that it feels like it doesn’t work. ,3.3163157894736837,4.565594954887216,4.324819548872181,87.74452255639099,73.13533834586467,7.124511278195487,26.08195488721805,7.554174236665415,1.2487600000000003,511,17,107,6,10,166,86,133,0.128,0.807,0.065,-0.7342,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,3,6,11,3,4,6,0,11,2,1,0,0,21,24,10,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,8,11,0,0,3,0,0,4,2,7,0,0,2,3,14,3,18,19,2,14,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,3,5,72,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24681666051833065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275150861300636,0.0,0.0,0.5505697796080761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966767107325309,0.0,0.1372702945396811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2779234759553772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16373504006617146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16313511907110628,0.11524608004926888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08428233955598363,0.0,0.09168110977072302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177710686763642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10812849463721096,0.0,0.16181576504494036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16798855579648178,0.08865651446710326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881214678094088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3785453694407658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18857287607871626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776525075782992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418217498952107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12129155292584735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406620557928004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348838056664469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yelbesed,2019/03/27,"Peter Levine explains how trauma may heal itself by simply allowing body healing in meditation. Peter Levine on trauma self healing. It is six one hour programs. &#x200B; [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9zJjxp-Rgs](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a9zJjxp-Rgs) ",19.550172413793106,26.751492896551728,8.803017241379315,44.86245689655177,51.06896551724138,7.037931034482759,34.836206896551715,8.07648339933343,4.225475862068966,230,8,15,3,4,53,25,29,0.18100000000000002,0.8190000000000001,0.0,-0.7149,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,2,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,10,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3860277150033295,0.4329174964827256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3957452081129378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508626548274115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24142360039479396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3716762820023493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329174964827256,0.0 ptsd,kittyditties,2019/03/27,"Just received my diagnosis letter After 6 months of tests and trials, I finally spoke to a private psychiatrist last Tuesday (UK based, the NHS failed me). At the end of the consultation he verbally diagnosed me with complex PTSD. I was relieved. I had an answer! I can start to move on! However, today I received the letter from the psychiatrist which has written, in black and white, ‘Diagnosis: Complex PTSD’. I already knew this but seeing it written down along with a 4 page letter detailing my abuse and my personality profile has made me feel sick. I feel shaky, obsessed and suddenly, completely alone. I’m taking a big step today of going to a department store with my Dad. He, along with my family and husband know the diagnosis and have been brilliant but now I feel terrified. I was feeling excited. A step forward but now I feel like crying and just staying in bed but I know that will just mean a day of hallucinations and flashbacks. I don’t know what to do. Where do I go from here? I’m so tired of being scared and tired of thinking about the past. I don’t even know who I am anymore. ",3.6311483253588506,5.9291115406698625,5.0732057416267935,78.28244019138758,74.74162679425838,8.036363636363637,29.181818181818183,8.841846274778883,2.6250612440191383,868,38,157,19,19,290,122,209,0.196,0.737,0.067,-0.9861,1,1,0,0,1,0,27.0,0,0,0,1,10,7,0,3,14,0,15,4,0,1,0,39,38,14,0,0,7,2,5,1,0,1,4,1,1,1,6,15,0,0,15,0,1,9,2,4,0,0,9,9,23,3,25,27,1,31,0,1,3,0,13,8,0,1,16,105,29,3,0.0,0.16792240690073154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467856315316958,0.15639841867409734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055433684726812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14859725534256638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556796083288003,0.0914016934112806,0.0,0.0,0.14384913978966807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552737290378604,0.0,0.0,0.09360883803752536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360687601059432,0.0,0.35830520056030585,0.1012492467862636,0.0,0.15525415706749726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16109256479432593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115561174367817,0.11552579311955945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06924027694275871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341047852997336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15438141256603075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312452436630342,0.15063255290320113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352937228661812,0.0,0.1237498771022758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313407563906218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189268022881274,0.0,0.1129374556810042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031455481317866,0.15106130354105773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656048665627636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081244531082444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3257869044436316,0.26867978820636296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,devyn_nicole,2019/03/27,Needing support in AZ I recently was admitted to the hospital for suicidal thoughts due to inaccurately being prescribed lithium. There the dr went over trauma I’ve been through. I’m really needing a PTSD support group in ARIZONA. MUCH LOVE ❤️ ,4.3790909090909125,7.563600545454545,5.8101818181818174,69.08027272727276,77.63636363636364,8.974545454545455,40.61818181818182,9.3871,5.2065872727272735,200,14,29,6,5,67,37,44,0.14,0.634,0.225,0.5319,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,4,12,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,3,7,7,1,6,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,16,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399911209909861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547197332443067,0.3943328031204337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31083062827769725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034660017216688,0.0,0.2625507241765923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29085870176965084,0.6034953995797366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21110016719965968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2464981158978505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,theflexorcist,2019/03/27,"EMDR, Horrible nightmares, feel exhausted. I've been going to my EMDR therapist for almost 2 years now. It was all trust building and working up to EMDR. Yesterday we started EMDR for one of the traumatic events, the slightly less gruesome one if you will. I didn't get very far and had to stop but afterward I thought I was fine for a bit. I went to bed at night and ended up having the most horrific nightmares. One my husband woke me up from. But after he went to work I had another. I usually have nightmares, generally replaying of the event, or some other fucked up version of it, or something kinda symbolic of my state of mind etc. You probably understand. These yesterday were so bad though and so intense and now I'm afraid to sleep. I don't understand why this happened. Ill put what the dreams were below as I record my dreams to discuss in therapy etc. •(Day after EMDR) Horrible night of nightmares. In the dream I shot up heroin, started dying, and fell into a hole. Kept dropping until there was fire and demons that at first looked like the people but as I fell closer they changed into devils with red skin and bright green eyes and had tons of sharp teeth. Husband woke me up right as I was about to land on them. In the second dream I accidentally shot the neighbors porch light out with a bb gun. Then the police came, found the bulb, and then we're searching everywhere for the bullet. When they found it, it had went through their window somehow but it wasn't the one I shot. The cop was holding a straight up shotgun slug. Husband also got arrested and then they arrested me. They took him. He kept apologizing and saying I'll make it. I can't talk about the rest of the dream. Would like to make note I've never shot up heroin, nor do have i ever been in trouble with the cops, nor do I act or intend to act irresponsibly or violently with guns. Idk I'm just afraid to sleep even more now and I don't want to do EMDR anymore if this is the result. Anxiety was severe all day, Ive been on edge and paranoid. I feel like shit and it's exhausting and scary. 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I went through lots of therapy that helped a lot and my life has completely turned around. My boyfriend has been a constant support for me, however we were apart for a few months and it has left me feeling like he will leave again, even if it's irrational. I hadn't had a PTSD episode in months, and at their worst, I had visual and auditory hallucinations, I was completely convinced that I was back in that basement. Last weekend after a drunk argument with my boyfriend I became terrified he was going to ask me to leave and he was going to break up with me. That started the cycle in my brain which eventually pushed me too far down the rabbit hole. Tunnel vision, heart beating out of my chest. I thought I was back being hurt again, something I hadn't felt in months. The next morning, I woke up feeling nothing. I was completely numb. I've felt this way in the past, but something always kicks me out of it fast and I usually feel a flood of emotions that end with optimism, a goal for progress and love for the man I'm with who helped me through it all. This time is different. I don't feel angry, or sad, or happy, or depressed, or motivated. I feel nothing. I'm completely numb. It's been a couple days, and I've slowed down a little at work. I get things done but the spark isn't there. I feel drained of all my energy. I DO NOT feel depressed, this is more an absence of any feeling whatsoever. I get to see my boyfriend again next weekend but I've lost all my sex drive as well and I don't want him to take it personally. I just don't feel anything. Any advice? Anybody have similar stories/experiences? 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I don’t know what else to do so I thought I’d write here. I can’t sleep. I can’t remember the last time I slept properly, without nightmares. I’ve had massive anxiety all day long. I’ve had it -once again- for the past few weeks, but I’ve kinda just pushed it aside... You know, happy thoughts and everything’s dandy, right? Well today (yesterday if you wanna nitpick) something triggered it good and I can’t stop shaking, crying, feeling like I need to run away. Drenched in cold sweat. The goddamn fear. It’s killing me. I’m terrified, nonstop, for no reason. I don’t know what I’m afraid of, but it’s the kind of fear that can drive you insane. It squeezes my throat and my heart, I keep heaving and retching and hyperventilating. I jump at every sudden move or sound. My mind’s a mess. My thoughts run in a circle and I hate myself for being like this. I want to hurt myself just because the physical pain is so much easier to handle. I called the psych center, they gave me sedatives that ease the physical symptoms (by making me feel heavy and sleepy; yet I can’t sleep) but do nothing to the fear and self-hate. I’m wait-listed for intensive psychotherapy (trauma therapy) and all I can do is wait. I’ve had PTSD diagnosis for years, but now that things have really gotten out of hand, I still need to wait. It’s just... I don’t know how long I can take this. I have my past haunting me every moment and this constant lack of sleep combined with the senseless dread... I have a weak heart and it’s not taking it too well. My relationship is strained, too... My SO tries to understand and tries to help, but I can tell it’s getting on his nerves. Plus the fact that I apparently can’t have sex right now. I want to, but when he touches me I just freeze and start crying. I can’t control it and it makes me feel even worse and cry even more. He says it’s okay, but I feel so damn guilty for pushing him away like that. I don’t want him to think I don’t want him. I long for intimacy, but this thing is getting in the way. It’s getting in the way of everything. I exist, but I do not really live. I just struggle to keep myself from falling to pieces. I feel like I’m drowning but I don’t know how to get out of the water. 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What are some of your top go-to reads for Trauma and PTSD, primarily for mental and emotional abuse? 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How do you guys get through the day/your classes? I’m taking 19 credits and working part time (not every day) and I’m exhausted. Even when I manage to get good sleep, I feel wound up like a spring. Like there’s always this tension and I can’t relax. The only thing that seems to help is exercise, and it only really helps while I’m working out or for a short time after. The other day I skipped a quiz I knew we had, and I can’t even explain why. I’m so tired of this. 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I live in Florida and have lived through many hurricanes as a kid. I don’t remember much, but I remember crying and feeling terrified anytime a small storm would hit long after the hurricane was gone, especially at night. After Hurricane Irma hit in 2017, I began feeling terrified of the sun going down and going to sleep at night, since that’s when the storm hit Miami. It’s only intensified whenever we would get rain or wind. Even power outages trigger memories. I can’t talk about it to anyone here because they laugh it off and go, “You’re so weak, when I went through Hurricane Whatever, we partied and drank, etc.” Well that’s good and all except I have an abusive/lazy dad who obviously didn’t install the shutters the right way. Actually, he almost didn’t install them at all, believing there was no hurricane and it would just be a regular day. When the transformers exploded and the power went out, the entire storm was spent terrified the shutters would fly off with every gust. Hurricane season doesn’t start for us until summer, but I really want to evacuate or seek help when the next major hurricane hits. Obviously, leaving isn’t going to happen because my dad doesn’t want to spend money, and he doesn’t care if the storm affects anyone else, as long as he’s fine. I heard him talking about selling our shutters before the next major hurricane to make money. I can’t afford to leave on my own. Has anyone else gone/going through this? I’m looking for every possible way to cope during the next storm, but I couldn’t even fall asleep last night with all the wind hitting the walls outside. Therapy also most likely isn’t an option. It’s for “crazy people” according to my family and I’m already enough of a disappointment as it is. If anyone has overcome ptsd on their own or learned how to cope with it, any suggestions would be much appreciated. Thanks all. ",6.313601036269429,7.279904525906732,6.8782321243523326,73.24941036269433,65.91709844559585,10.424704663212434,32.79751295336788,10.444984826868176,3.615713077720208,1641,67,283,41,25,538,198,386,0.10099999999999999,0.792,0.107,-0.4126,3,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,4,0,3,2,16,11,0,0,21,0,27,4,2,4,7,57,58,34,0,11,11,2,2,1,0,6,1,1,0,1,12,18,1,0,5,0,5,10,13,3,1,1,12,4,23,8,45,31,15,50,0,2,1,0,20,15,0,9,24,179,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0822746075771273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08442450135940911,0.0,0.09303841834249596,0.0674228481733676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466767412783332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358066494974171,0.17277155640242792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278944858981057,0.0,0.07174178290323054,0.0949887406035138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08595988278914161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926108118603996,0.05437311362163847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408607317337119,0.0,0.0,0.08711498924627463,0.09402817570309964,0.11137220321950288,0.0,0.14206998417880504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948016692937579,0.0,0.08525955550353086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04404860736460239,0.0,0.23957718949882206,0.07071540795451914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455524435213373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565113596785755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872407765198425,0.0,0.17854468770302442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04118971219123703,0.0,0.14889492829324025,0.1492237737067963,0.07079934621295801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056277722940228085,0.08547732461601933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239554172106892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268994609189461,0.23735827527862804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412171738437214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845008717338444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504709914461858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29566238746212464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05401128237375896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910140757469445,0.07200046262463794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06974228077365291,0.0,0.08437110245144415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967520385227209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553071379918696,0.0,0.0776215181900533,0.1928321562583431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08235882893309503,0.0,0.10141480734823624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945669797366702,0.1338430481001364,0.0,0.0,0.07580500819557771,0.1563128272463603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593493449385997,0.0,0.0,0.0542930139980809 ptsd,PDXGalMeow,2019/01/24,"I think I may be having PTSD I’m the youngest in my family. My brother is a few years older and we grew up in a one parent household. When our mom was at work he would watch me. I remember some good times like when he took me fishing or hiking. They don’t outweigh the bad. Thinking back I never told anyone except a therapist how awful my brother was to me. He would do things that weren’t as severe such as make food that was horribly spicy and make me try it as a “joke.” He pushed me down the stairs as a “joke.” He stuck nasty bugs in my shoe, etc. I guess “normal” things a brother would do? What really sticks in my mind is when he would pin me down and suffocate me with a pillow. I remember screaming and he would do it until I stopped. I remember him saying he wouldn’t let me go until I stopped screaming. I remember the feeling of being crushed and not being able to breathe. I honestly cannot remember how often this happened to me when I was younger. Another thing he would do to me was pin me down and grab a knife and pretend he was going to stab me and then at the last second turn the knife. All of this happened at least 20-25 years ago. The reason I think I’m having PTSD is because if I feel at any time that “crushing sensation” I feel major anxiety and feel like I need space. It happened to me yesterday when I was at the dentist and I had to sit up and just take a breather. The same happens with me if my husband and I are being intimate and he is on top and everything is fine then all of a sudden we have to stop because I’m feeling that crushing sensation. I’m fully estranged from my family for multiple reasons but wanted to share my story. I see a therapist for this and many reasons but lately I feel like this is coming up more and more. I do feel like it’s PTSD and a mixture of anxiety and depression. TLDR: my brother used to suffocate me and now I think I’m having PTSD",2.7487219584083853,4.122171027918785,4.341393482888488,86.57427132798428,74.76142131979695,7.5204191910921905,26.669068282298998,8.155646560271837,1.64982963812019,1491,55,312,24,31,500,178,394,0.099,0.8340000000000001,0.067,-0.8537,2,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,3,0,1,2,13,14,0,0,21,1,40,4,2,8,3,78,75,39,0,12,8,7,8,4,0,8,1,3,1,0,16,24,1,3,19,3,0,6,6,4,0,2,12,13,52,10,42,50,10,51,0,1,2,0,26,19,0,7,29,222,68,1,0.07413534462982008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571650994360141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041457655756855,0.07773737282414205,0.11342667144890164,0.0,0.0,0.05183715669779016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700550391860641,0.06189991613048584,0.09038443597389426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06386103500656119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0638526636980794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268050605557345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666280674786652,0.0,0.13977641008057154,0.0,0.2623954043389445,0.1588869150494572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964475299839045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426564960562835,0.062181209747890785,0.0,0.0,0.08166844020240384,0.0,0.2622305616816576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060430200585942825,0.08362789785075829,0.0,0.0,0.07580841270726248,0.0,0.14487513866091678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897183642158074,0.0751616034521877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485556446497732,0.08682641962770751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054970418677470684,0.0571777480775431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263689731315674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050236028158965385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08231852688488167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3466410025034182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749300011385476,0.22867044451100196,0.0,0.0,0.4199044682192637,0.0,0.0,0.05895540162448552,0.0,0.0,0.05907627133454073,0.0,0.0,0.08375183764480756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18594140301455486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05574055290414803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721536981928185,0.14775668641004064,0.19001174153909192,0.0,0.0,0.08645783126859398,0.0,0.0,0.07083949879419146,0.08236709567681755,0.05033303263181881,0.08063796645712938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402913490415313,0.0,0.0,0.043726947043215066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397141383820213,0.0,0.0,0.3159817306684471,0.0,0.0,0.09548146263770772 ptsd,Rocketyank,2019/01/24,"Hey, guys. I’m writing something about mental illness and one of the characters has PTSD from combat. I wanted to ask you if there’s anything you wish movies/tv depicted more accurately about PTSD? The character as I’ve written him is someone who was (still is, I guess) a mellow, intelligent, decent man. Since he got back from combat, he’s prone to bursts of anger or agitation. I tried to research PTSD on my own to try to get a feel for the symptoms and I have depression/anxiety myself so I have a base understanding of certain things. Is there anything you think movies/tv gets wrong or anything you wish was portrayed better or more often? Thank you to anyone who responds, I know it’s very personal. ",3.9423631840796,6.253738932835822,4.703805970149258,81.22769900497514,73.85074626865672,7.451741293532338,28.33084577114428,8.344100000000001,2.197589054726369,563,23,101,10,12,181,89,134,0.121,0.762,0.11699999999999999,-0.1234,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,5,0,1,8,5,1,0,6,0,8,2,0,0,1,17,23,8,0,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,1,14,3,16,19,3,3,0,0,0,0,17,1,0,6,2,64,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495176572803514,0.0,0.0,0.10506828097157432,0.0,0.3709641063794932,0.0,0.1404768210587532,0.0,0.0,0.115543958893518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328965478224022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07597813676797639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570137725922371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12018007456690792,0.0,0.16553304942479966,0.14878526536574813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258132056308028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143105541835422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182296749557458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120497655063335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5269527193538662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243001682529712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731843994075767,0.1156807868298439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12000125105558967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618212591594458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834316377447226,0.0,0.0,0.09982891315886776,0.09628328557987127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040391700317469,0.0,0.0,0.15643041867127336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398377098945765,0.08862976773109794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.345593020939768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642904053277386,0.0,0.0 ptsd,6meMasterXD,2019/01/24,"Does anybody know of anything that can stop daydreams? I really need something to do that can stop my mind from idling. I’m usually doing a lot better than I am currently, but there is too much arguing and yelling going on recently. Card games don’t really help too much because I’ll just stop and start daydreaming, whether I want to or not",6.373636363636365,6.816318030303034,6.578333333333338,77.28750000000002,65.66666666666667,10.842424242424245,34.68181818181819,10.686352973137794,3.767436363636364,274,12,51,7,4,88,52,66,0.14400000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.106,-0.384,1,0,1,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,15,13,5,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,6,13,3,9,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,7,33,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18546832076951694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13738939638106934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1993300629641398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19723132752440087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12808849897918062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510672875753248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238628098112704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19160979358543664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22756928683115066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313600798988699,0.1671162199450733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28876806267190464,0.0,0.2225353012533086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350833336430013,0.0,0.0,0.1595249385741653,0.0,0.0,0.5652826583948015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24822393998908165,0.0,0.13293480885557513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ISTJ_PHD,2019/01/24,"Survivor's Guilt Hello everyone, First time posting. Does anyone else struggle with survivor's guilt? My trauma was just over a decade ago and I still feel that guilt in my stomach everyday. Only recently have I started to seek professional help and open up to a therapist about it. He's a wicked nice guy who specializes in our type of disorder and he said survivor's guilt is common with ptsd sufferers who experienced my type of...trauma, particularly when it takes place in an....academic environment. I'm avoiding specifics as to prevent triggers for anyone reading (aka I'd have to mark this post NSFW, which I have no idea how to do). Part of it involved my breaking routine, where if it had been followed, I wouldn't be alive to post this. My mind constantly questions why I managed to avoid death and not someone else who maybe would have done something amazing with their life like cured cancer? My trauma left me confused about what my purpose is on this planet and what I'm supposed to be doing. Self-medicating with drugs dulled the pain from my experience, but exponentially increased the guilt as I was definitely not being a productive member of society while under the influence. Even though I've been clean for months, my existential crisis is still ongoing. Basically, I'm wondering if this guilt is as common as my therapist claims and if so, how do people cope? Most specifically, HOW do you find your purpose for existence when you're lost and broken?",7.313435030728709,8.364865317164181,7.245548726953468,71.19427129060581,63.73880597014925,10.335733099209833,35.540825285338016,10.328600350310266,3.871567778753292,1187,53,197,27,17,379,166,268,0.19,0.7440000000000001,0.066,-0.9807,1,2,2,0,0,0,33.0,1,2,1,2,14,20,0,10,7,0,23,5,1,5,0,37,33,23,1,5,7,0,1,1,0,2,4,1,1,1,15,12,0,3,5,1,0,2,4,16,0,1,8,3,21,4,32,20,3,32,0,3,0,0,15,11,0,7,16,128,36,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389898194841412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796869425977052,0.13165359333151164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13885246927262931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726112384172255,0.0,0.11244281000077316,0.13149028435971602,0.0,0.0,0.1490080644769124,0.0,0.2146744739493318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486669366421737,0.0,0.0,0.12277807816207567,0.0,0.12568826107430373,0.0,0.0,0.06496860410137255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743789266078647,0.10929386381770126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722569166422584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612440288961141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505001534704084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960518944839653,0.0,0.09075656546085778,0.06277391639207253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026244383983644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290858714344901,0.0,0.14272386206687807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297386698266825,0.0,0.10255980692182903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977227349226058,0.13672283886348427,0.0,0.0,0.13914257581273207,0.0,0.08907906101154994,0.0,0.13424511433755093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691748393627107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019839504791455,0.0,0.1439386481103914,0.0,0.1285251657024979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268687632505789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222237890567425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13404350404893545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10886949418851576,0.0989181830640932,0.0,0.0,0.09094616247644892,0.0,0.20522518985451207,0.0,0.0,0.1343260584584107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966087857445987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2983745025358843,0.0,0.0,0.1262411600940065,0.0,0.07492378225359053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159425955228373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934235166856068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127588959588466,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aquilles22,2019/01/24,Idk what to do My entire life ive had horrific fear of any sorta sexually related parts of life since i was like 4 i just recovered a memory of being held down and molested while someone put a girls hairpin in my hair so idk if i have ptsd or something cuz its not like im kinda nervous or shy but i can be completely confident and myself one second and then the next one im on the verge of tears im so scared. I once went i track club or running group for kids my age wen i was like in the 5th grade and the first day i went a girl came up to me and told me i was sexy and my reaction was to get so angry i wanted to literally kill her my face started twitching and i was almost about to cry i wanted to tell her to fuck off but i jus sorta looked away i dont think she noticed cuz she jus ran away after saying it. i pretty much am able to keep my composure in situtations like this other than obviously seem uncomfortable or scared asf. But situtations like this keep happening in my life im 22 ive never had sex never done anything sexual and my fear of it ruins my ability to make friends away from that because im just scared theyll talk about it with me. It ruined my chance to play basketball in my life people told me i could have easily played pro overseas or something if i tried. This fear has completely ruined my life thus far. Now after dropping out of college after 1 week i work at kroger and 2 girls who work there have already tried hookin up with me and i literally just dont have the ability to do that kinda stuff. So idk what to tell these people or what to do i have no kinda sexuality its not even like im gay or something i just wanna torture someone sexually this life is hell please help i really dont know what to do.,1.6826614450127906,3.5629634266304397,3.7980242966751945,87.11053069053713,79.13586956521739,7.155498721227622,21.964833759590807,8.124751697461798,1.1077375959079283,1383,41,297,26,34,473,187,368,0.20600000000000002,0.659,0.135,-0.987,0,0,3,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,3,13,24,5,7,8,0,30,12,2,4,3,55,50,30,1,6,18,0,1,6,1,1,7,1,0,4,20,14,0,3,3,3,0,6,8,15,0,4,15,3,47,9,46,31,2,38,1,3,1,3,19,17,2,16,20,196,67,4,0.07478917600375512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07489055649366982,0.0,0.08253171547081728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050859204312677535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061545119400307914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108006782939633,0.0,0.0,0.045590787523854516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553889328447215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683005623263668,0.0,0.0,0.05971307138835971,0.0,0.08215239801097034,0.04823283136826269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653529329913325,0.2629570718270482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939754539696243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2524758468985093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06361563490272583,0.0,0.0,0.05778193185792872,0.069141388078745,0.03907425765255742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613582134507387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05012960818714717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847108638265565,0.0,0.0,0.13295211197440426,0.08274314230985916,0.0,0.041102175225739064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169548407409227,0.2192292818894129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280407170785722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992235572997583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054978649715642834,0.0,0.1153640462810949,0.0,0.07953913714469646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514797257959615,0.0,0.079648031589345,0.10135816243846543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08098938946006956,0.0,0.10369879561107803,0.0,0.0,0.0820960564840789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608747918993354,0.0,0.0,0.08742454451313847,0.07518377879279503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791186123430672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059475354575908426,0.2246310367710044,0.0,0.0,0.0680852569488097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186637924032616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673725225586446,0.17272908466871795,0.0,0.0,0.052936163713234216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561571337070971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06011270670818236,0.1307380725873035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04792188412863679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14292852538262873,0.0,0.10155388243220426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822518745549743,0.0,0.05999136577665879,0.0,0.0,0.1386606308723448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889482173104184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,letrangerdesign,2019/01/24,"How do you guys unwind? In the hours before bed, I find myself struggling to find an activity to help me unwind a bit. Reading has been suggested, but I find it too stimulating (a good book can be exciting, haunting, but rarely relaxing). What have you folks found success with?",5.0779411764705875,7.012105764705888,5.809950980392159,76.11727941176474,69.78431372549021,9.02156862745098,30.39705882352941,9.516144504307137,3.006211764705882,218,9,38,5,4,71,43,51,0.07,0.633,0.297,0.9494,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,1,2,5,0,1,4,0,6,0,0,2,0,9,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,6,4,4,4,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,1,26,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385124523759047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27437177585040634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6890942960149036,0.0,0.0,0.2755548154870011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079177902445406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488421651252456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845169088749454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24749545053743102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513838210516373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627298526130172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Grmmff,2019/01/24,"The cost of having fun I stayed up too late last night celebrating my birthday and drank too much and ate garbage food and didn't get enough sleep. As a result today has been really trigger-y and gross. I need to learn how to celebrate in ways that don't fuck up my self care. Instead of treating my birthday as a cheat day for all the rules and habits that help my take care of myself. ",6.68879746835443,5.47622493670886,6.302373417721517,85.05457278481015,65.45569620253164,9.418987341772151,29.87658227848101,8.07648339933343,1.7021367088607589,306,8,67,3,4,95,59,79,0.069,0.685,0.24600000000000002,0.9459,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,7,2,0,4,0,5,5,1,2,1,10,13,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,3,0,1,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,4,0,7,4,11,9,3,10,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,5,41,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4764310678946435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150680990637567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24141661208428145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825231388318085,0.0,0.0,0.2160000264180431,0.12206929770639666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15660658534101102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19045096761081928,0.26356050303497736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175515448839893,0.1732439959752751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925897852068016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967826912241694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437415500361036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23381264106067146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490333167258315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567114013893406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22146710383721346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545565753341486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,withouttheinternet,2018/11/20,"what medication/supplements have helped you? i’m having a flare up in symptoms (nightmares, headaches, anhedonia, no energy/motivation/appetite, flashbacks, body tension) after starting exposure therapy and i’m interested to hear what, if anything, has helped you guys. ty :) ",7.665714285714285,11.756113190476196,7.6336190476190495,55.29471428571429,71.85714285714286,10.97904761904762,44.11428571428571,10.355215969177356,6.900908571428572,222,15,25,8,5,71,37,42,0.051,0.759,0.191,0.7269,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,4,7,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,2,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27665253123609884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3734269907609048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328771131724589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3789061896674376,0.0,0.4506769384796659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379542655517458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34942610127578944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3844581262831033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Zeldew,2018/11/20,"I don't know how to control my paranoia Last year (I was 15), I was the victim of a terrorist attack. I wasn't hurt, but I lost some of my hearing and I suffer from a lot of symptoms of PTSD. One of the worst things is leaving the house and thinking I am going to die every time. I could be sat on the bus, and I'll be thinking about all the ways it could crash, or how the bus driver is going to kill me somehow. Sitting in a classroom, I wonder if someone will pull out a knife. Walking on the street, I wonder if someone will jump me. There's all these thoughts rushing around my mind every time I leave my house. Sleeping is the worst. I developed insomnia a while back because I was too afraid to sleep due to night terrors and extremely vivid nightmares. I told my teacher about this a few weeks back and she offered to get me a school nurse, to which I agreed to, but I am unsure as to whether she will be able to help me, since bombings aren't common, so maybe she won't be able to help me? If anyone has any advice, I would greatly appreciate and benefit from it. Also, if anyone wants more information or context, I will happily expand.",4.388297567954218,4.829658416309016,5.205339055793992,85.40943919885551,69.98712446351932,7.586723891273247,29.696423462088696,7.3011,1.627151874105865,893,33,185,8,15,291,133,233,0.18600000000000005,0.698,0.11699999999999999,-0.963,0,0,0,0,0,1,27.0,0,0,0,2,12,12,3,2,15,0,24,4,2,3,2,37,38,21,2,8,9,0,0,0,0,6,2,1,0,0,6,8,0,1,7,0,0,6,4,10,0,1,8,2,31,2,26,18,8,25,0,3,1,0,9,6,0,11,11,136,37,2,0.2423526651807702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841210976515396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690466939272784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240406147496432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16945861847453245,0.0,0.0,0.10787262687984144,0.0,0.13785557190492442,0.0,0.18635423998676606,0.0,0.07386796762904291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359095608328174,0.19349888273099786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12576190195317985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20419257299953866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06330963240978832,0.0,0.13773460464159248,0.0,0.0,0.13359733447093336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13657453365696315,0.0,0.16244388289573988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796424367269219,0.12972177026652953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13406365824393673,0.0,0.06659534335680299,0.0987748842508303,0.0,0.25661647946406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13227828140064268,0.10301978466168486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173791329314525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12235355242687455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137157794261852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211221903138154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164864822090148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263691787711185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002383145204361,0.0,0.2425276893771661,0.0,0.20534462674354206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12594860715048622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08050417096046608,0.15528980207611925,0.0,0.09620047254906768,0.14131778801541353,0.0,0.0,0.11578917868776302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147294053232818,0.0961841325162374,0.09720034476030133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628211273159958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608018995338006,0.0,0.0,0.07803358526608484 ptsd,butterfly-catcher,2018/11/20,"Just diagnosed sort of, struggling [20F] I had my first intake appointment with someone whose job is to diagnose every mental illness i may have (my family doctor is horrible about mental health issues). She thinks it is very likely that I have PTSD due to a very messy breakup i went through last June. I had never considered it before, and it would make sense. I still have dreams about my ex where i tell him im happy and i've moved on, and he reacts in the dream by threatening to kill me or my current boyfriend. My ex had red hair, and every time i see someone with red hair i freak out a bit and have to tell myself multiple times that its not him. I cant speak to any of my loved ones or anyone who knew him about our relationship or about how it ended without breaking down. I cant speak to anyone who has the same name as him. My best friend inherited his cat, and i also cant be around the cat and actively get angry at her when shes near me. I've blocked out some memories from the night everything changed too. I constantly think about and relive that night and the few days that came after. Anyway, now that its come to my attention that i most likely have PTSD, i'm having a very difficult time going about my daily tasks like i did before my diagnosis. I cried in a lecture at school yesterday because it was about suffering. Right now im laying in bed and i just want to lay here all day but i cant because its almost the end of my semester and everything is due by the end of next week. How do i cope and live like i did before? 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My son was in a horrific work accident 3 years ago. He ended up with a crushed pevis, and a long list of other things. He was hospitalized 2 months and he just had his 21st surgery. While most of it was going on I did see a councelor who told me considering what I was dealing with I was coping very well. Now my son who was hurt said I probably have PTSD, How can I find out? What should I do?",2.057661290322581,3.719300935483872,3.662029569892475,89.51304435483874,77.27956989247312,7.230645161290322,24.528225806451612,8.07648339933343,1.2128935483870964,349,12,79,6,8,116,67,93,0.155,0.818,0.026000000000000002,-0.9161,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,4,0,14,0,0,1,0,11,19,5,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,10,2,12,1,9,7,1,13,0,1,1,0,11,4,0,1,8,55,19,1,0.0,0.0,0.2099387857792468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190702434189199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176620404002724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2217926882552999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905439932058724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19662767492166927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222650480991656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190241411459656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303043381496981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19038594521422667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171711718042604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2064259265711544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319497726358466,0.0,0.5029579554964067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046407587690692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17143315669056533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429248134160257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20556881167896668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17750726492517568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934304136503681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566193944932693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853860590422926 ptsd,paperazzi,2018/11/20,"Skin memory years after abuse DAE experience their skin reddening in an area they used to be regularly hit when stressed or in an argument? My cheeks will literally ""bloom"" a handprint and will feel like I've just been slapped, even though I haven't been slapped in years and am not at risk of that anymore.",13.128103448275859,8.2190000862069,11.182068965517242,66.54482758620689,56.75862068965517,15.737931034482761,46.24137931034482,13.023866798666859,5.449144827586206,247,10,49,6,2,76,48,58,0.146,0.785,0.069,-0.6990000000000001,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,2,3,0,7,3,3,1,0,7,10,5,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,4,1,7,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,5,30,5,0,0.0,0.3850737850821008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223142849034897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2146605104437089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179139555706291,0.0,0.0,0.164330588562755,0.23218122832021176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877937920603286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37228826735106996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193124498522941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28069705776021875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41858078628059664 ptsd,aiming4perfection,2018/11/20,"I feel like maybe others with PTSD would get this I cannot drink. If I do I will 100% black out and have PTSD. My in laws offered me wine. I don’t mean cheap wine but very potent expensive wine. I told them no thank you but they wouldn’t take no for an answer. They were offended that I wouldn’t have their wine. I drank the glass and they continued to pour me a glass over and over again until I was singing to myself. They took me to bed where I proceeded to vomit. Then I woke up several times and I have no idea what happened 99% of the time I was blacked out but I do remember screaming because I felt like I was back there again. I never ever drink. That’s the first time in 5 years I drank and I knew it was going to happen. They wouldn’t let me say no. I was offending them in their home. I hate myself. 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This time after I had a trigger way worst than usual within the same week I had another trigger and it’s taking everything in me to not kill myself. My mom talks about how I’m her miracle etc and I just couldn’t do that to her I don’t want to kill my self because I love her and don’t want to hurt her but when my ptsd gets really bad like this it’s really hard to resist the urges to self harm or kill myself. I’ve tried to stop making friends because if I do kill myself I want to hurt as few people as possible... I know nightmares and flashbacks are a normal part of ptsd but does anyone else fall into severe depression after a bad flashback? I find after a flashback I stop eating and start sleeping almost all day. I basically loose the ability to function. ",3.7364062500000017,5.315221078124999,5.012416666666667,81.92425000000003,72.59375,7.620000000000001,25.82083333333333,8.238735603445708,1.7278683333333331,765,25,143,12,15,254,105,192,0.239,0.607,0.154,-0.9638,0,0,0,0,0,3,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,16,4,0,9,0,10,3,1,7,1,34,22,15,5,6,6,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,6,8,1,2,4,0,0,1,4,13,0,0,3,2,27,3,25,18,6,21,0,4,0,1,10,3,0,3,17,98,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012804412328092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060576070160185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07072177247768567,0.1036333006600985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25335138328418394,0.12331207812449713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039020676487334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522908456820235,0.0,0.17422921478801945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08851121523537879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034948835506655,0.08449227909343593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280155606704895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090110895405124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05114110987727146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244317706055824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814309076939219,0.0,0.10568643741430853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060456279634573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21655206692413528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4476004641701391,0.0,0.05558573253281885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04941352519479191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091285809958034,0.0,0.0675139624064696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11845785311416522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09909899486221402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952837692406528,0.0,0.07012005429341832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402391467240412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364622953126662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943850335725256,0.0,0.0998668426255186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2110291167162776,0.22852636154546854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012163808608442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158977405251035,0.0,0.0,0.16912071617973345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11063439374235047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604720149389697,0.08129518251901055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058977492800567737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866968616068342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22279019113968307,0.0,0.1789708809433542,0.08028287256217911,0.24339325065099865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307370066061766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,imanapline,2018/11/20,Projection Dreams? I'm wondering if anyone whos been a victim of sexual assault has ever had a projection dream. Like you were raped but have a dream that it was a different male figure in your life?,4.393076923076921,6.045717025641029,5.818461538461541,76.50153846153849,71.05128205128204,10.328205128205127,25.82051282051281,10.504223727775694,3.0106512820512816,160,5,29,5,3,54,34,39,0.166,0.639,0.196,-0.1306,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,0,0,1,4,3,0,4,0,6,2,0,0,1,5,9,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,0,2,1,2,5,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,2,2,19,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3367123240104265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5031193005141541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43559131322838057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3401343874379005,0.2352619613872921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5222225542391571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,zapotes,2018/11/20,"Can PTSD cause Light Sensitivity and Disassociation? I have PTSD that has been manageable. When my PTSD was not manageable I had frequent panic attacks that involved my skin feeling inflamed, clammy, tight chest, and difficulty breathing. However, lately I have been very sensitive to light and feeling disconnected. The light sensitivity has been more constant at night and makes it difficult to focus. This sensitivity and feeling of dissociation has been growing worse. Is there something else going on or is this a possible symptom of PTSD? I read that this could possibly be photophobia, which is linked to anxiety. 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I am really looking for beat recommended treatment. I know everyone is different but I wondered if meds/therapy types/emdr has worked for you. Thank you. ,3.5805882352941154,6.8262652941176505,4.414941176470588,75.52123529411767,87.23529411764706,8.60235294117647,30.329411764705892,8.841846274778883,3.851077647058824,156,8,24,5,5,50,25,34,0.0,0.782,0.218,0.7391,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,3,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,3,8,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,17,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33227642862937223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33080376889526664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30254695818283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740077854431764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26588367585604306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028368772225382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915040277324026,0.3620861298280697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34336426562821937,0.4610108022648418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dariask899,2018/11/20,"need help holding on This is the time of the year where everything is worse. I'm convulsing in my sleep (trauma related) and it's happening during the day now too. I have several trauma related injuries for which I've had multiple surgeries but right now I'm having to wear a brace that feels like it's advertising my abuse to the world - breaking important trauma rules. My SO lost hope that I'll ever get better and I tend to agree as the physical toll of my past is only going to escalate as i age. I have desperately been waiting for an appointment that's scheduled tomorrow but now that I'm near the finish line - I'm not sure i can do it. I'm putting all my hope into a shrink I've never met and my supports, as supportive as they are, just don't know how to effectively help. &#x200B; I really didn't want to put this out there because I'm terrified of being reported or something so i have to keep this vague. How do I make it through the night? 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I would accept depression, social anxiety, OCD ... but PTSD I rejected. I rejected it for all the reasons anyone rejects it. I had a less than stellar childhood, I didn’t go to war. I wasn’t kidnapped. Then I hit a crisis of my own making, caused completely by behaviors related to PTSD. Everything came together. I accepted it and started the heavy CBT work, in combination with medication, that I needed to make the kind of life for myself I wanted. I cut off my family fully, no more being drawn into the patterns that were continuing well beyond childhood. It was painful. CBT was so painful. It was hard. But sticking with it when it was hard was worth it. For four years things were beautifully stable. Then I started a family. Then my marriage hit a rough patch. Then my spouse lost their job. Then a relative became ill and died very quickly. Then another relative that was like a mother to me died, but I wasn’t told by my family that they had been ill. It has been a very rough few years and I’ve known that I need to get back into therapy. Then last week I was in a moderately serious car accident. It was night, someone walked on to the road. I was looking at them and trying to avoid them. The guy in front of me slammed on his brakes. I saw his brake lights too late. It was my first accident after 21 years of driving and it was my fault. No one was seriously hurt. Airbags went off. My car is a write off. But no physical injuries. I couldn’t remember the accident until the other driver mentioned the woman and it all came rushing back to me. I was in shock. I felt dizzy. I was checked out by my doctor the next day. No concussion but he said I seemed to still be in shock. I needed to take it easy. My daughter’s first ‘big girl’ birthday party was in two days. An hour after we left the doctor we found out that my MIL was in the hospital having routine but emergency surgery. I went into mom and daughter-in-law mode. I did not take it easy. I went back to work on Monday and it didn’t go well (shocking). I couldn’t focus. I was constantly on the verge of tears. I was tired, even though I got lots of sleep. I was incredibly irritable. I leaned back in my chair and it popped. I jumped and yelped and felt out of it. I went back to the doctor thinking I must have a concussion. I was seen by another doctor that thoroughly examined me. No concussion. I had compartmentalized over the weekend and everything was coming up now. My brain was going to make me deal with this one way or another. He ordered me off work for a week. I have been off for a few days now and despite my initial belief that I was fine adjacent, it has become apparent that I’m a few miles from fine and likely have been for a while. So, with two small children, a job I need to keep, a marriage I’d like to maintain, and aging in-laws that I’d like to not neglect ... how do I get better? How do I not just cope, how do I find a new normal when I have so little time to myself?",2.119597026999699,4.299599108150471,3.7188370917180715,86.72856709475175,79.07836990595612,7.125533420972798,23.76994640509657,8.155646560271837,1.4459494589948436,2493,86,508,48,62,827,281,638,0.193,0.727,0.08,-0.9977,3,3,0,0,0,0,89.0,2,0,4,10,28,35,3,1,36,0,57,13,2,10,3,84,102,45,3,10,11,4,6,4,0,2,11,1,0,4,34,31,0,6,14,1,2,17,15,21,3,7,54,11,77,14,73,40,9,109,1,7,3,0,27,35,0,3,59,362,111,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19436569220648325,0.047266526403622035,0.0,0.0,0.043202578449083415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375501389313387,0.10317834360436677,0.0,0.06823836816607656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929032967548072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897420161562108,0.0,0.14133466061286995,0.0,0.06347178628805869,0.0,0.05322362472145849,0.0647820012640984,0.06676928896308487,0.06929884731407396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954160131275647,0.06369919948797492,0.05321664783201383,0.0,0.12824932680198234,0.0,0.0,0.2529645266766589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040809420403477945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11105949845742864,0.0,0.23298736684354365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11864951662129256,0.0,0.05647176914720858,0.10511118186609916,0.0,0.06774574111659909,0.0,0.0,0.09684273548509678,0.0,0.10534412676820283,0.0,0.049416332421944036,0.0,0.0,0.061178378856036136,0.10927524901536488,0.0,0.1106971897031878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084728619244835,0.0,0.066143758363473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262719459770055,0.054918706865821065,0.0,0.06434116312396207,0.03395626108150195,0.050364268563737366,0.06969789717620334,0.0,0.06713124573049004,0.0,0.04364165344913778,0.12074311058011633,0.06192633505659041,0.0,0.0,0.05188512394248896,0.0,0.06744729634604044,0.05252869837745088,0.0,0.0,0.12372896585111524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224342879558786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236363728990909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832557166773484,0.0,0.059673815779612165,0.06571067570631571,0.05798247295751166,0.06053768096820498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373630367734221,0.0,0.13149044858547235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3611257363041593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06352684346718482,0.0,0.0,0.06999209403063864,0.0,0.05877313909102683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056248136456465515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183115158564,0.06298358646813322,0.052351526442539084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746564802604749,0.0,0.04934280274481573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291156240208674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065828191030914,0.0,0.12314467541539614,0.03959031365255964,0.06070495210857092,0.0,0.036028222571072084,0.07101452717561864,0.0,0.059039677306997725,0.0,0.04194899815847978,0.0,0.12071292393289874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196071627048678,0.036443296282374,0.04904327166120838,0.09912285506838298,0.0,0.1666605324514598,0.2291069296341577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1799253191255588,0.0,0.0,0.04389137823558743,0.0,0.0,0.19894249814316334 ptsd,Diabeato,2019/03/22,Warning for movie “Us” Ptsd is a topic in the movie and it definitely hit a few triggers for me just by explaining them. Be safe fam,1.0377777777777766,3.3422631481481524,3.216296296296296,88.03333333333335,84.18518518518519,6.562962962962962,23.814814814814817,7.793537801064563,1.3201703703703702,103,4,22,2,3,35,24,27,0.08,0.733,0.187,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,5,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6969198764347482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7171489983470488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kkisaok,2019/03/22,"Thankful to this sub Hey everyone, thanks for being a part of this sub. I'm so thankful I have found a place where people understand there are many reasons for ptsd and are supportive of one another. Where we can discuss the wide range of symptoms and how to cope. I pray for all of you all the time! Personally I suffer from panic attacks, other anxiety, and depression, stemming from abuse. I'm happy with my life as a whole, but still have painful daily symptoms. Last night I had a nightmare of my abuser and have been unsettled all day. But I can come here, I can vent, I can even try to help each of you with techniques or coping skills I've learned over the years. Y'all give me hope, I feel the love, and thank you all again. You're all beautiful. We don't deserve this pain, but we do deserve the love we can give and receive! ",3.613426573426577,5.209303666666671,4.092121212121214,88.33048951048954,72.93939393939394,7.258741258741258,27.237762237762237,7.882392219407189,1.5335174825174818,655,24,134,9,13,206,101,165,0.151,0.6409999999999999,0.20800000000000002,0.9229999999999999,0,0,0,0,2,0,21.0,4,4,0,1,9,15,1,1,9,0,15,7,0,2,5,31,31,13,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,14,0,0,5,0,0,2,1,6,0,1,3,2,19,9,18,27,8,14,1,2,0,2,17,5,0,3,7,93,23,1,0.0,0.3020917849749567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367649548472849,0.09752374812104556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14502972475412196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098148682875672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822156531161155,0.0,0.10980047305989467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420097559971451,0.0,0.0,0.12181497260171495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445897221271969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397779590679312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244585621929586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570747028661592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544881900242729,0.0,0.0,0.12661886713966194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391523590644544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004464559582122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301158305567249,0.0,0.0,0.1292472253626383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196336714032446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638542759290559,0.0,0.2713006934055183,0.14957322242429258,0.0,0.13805110255908448,0.0,0.08838029996025963,0.11131278414308853,0.1331920581405067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902019685819426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310732214234399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180767305344217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14466560735456294,0.0,0.2650062173881207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4694749583970849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433605916513794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655223562238099,0.0,0.0,0.1327137573950838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423296360479268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820945373214423 ptsd,Corab4444,2019/03/22,"Therapy Appointment Scheduled I scheduled a therapy appointment today for next Saturday at 10am. I am so excited to get back into therapy. I feel like my C-ptsd makes me feel like my life is falling apart all the time. Yay me.",2.2381818181818147,4.8909410000000015,4.737454545454547,76.77118181818186,82.18181818181819,9.883636363636363,31.52727272727273,9.888512548439397,4.244314545454545,180,10,32,7,5,63,33,44,0.035,0.716,0.25,0.8725,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,1,5,6,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,4,4,6,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,9,18,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16647878040578415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189426027594104,0.3093420578901616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311479032909087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292370010367226,0.2115465589938944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451859460370092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302552463332668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530824541863738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7427761135553164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262456545132534,0.0,0.20522117752812036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ineedcoffeeasap,2019/03/22,"Recently diagnosed with PTSD Hi, this is my first post. I’m not sure where to start but I will just wing it.  I (f/30) had a nightmare a couple weeks ago regarding to something that had happened a couple years ago, I’m going to spare y’all with details.  I told my boyfriend (m/25) next morning about my nightmare, he said it seems like I’m experiencing PTSD.  So I called my dr, set up an appointment and met up with my dr the following week.  She confirms I have PTSD, prescribed me to Prazosin for night terrors.  I’m going to see therapist for PTSD in a couple weeks.  Have anyone tried this medicine and how do you cope PTSD? And most importantly, how do my boyfriend help/what can he do?  I think he feels helpless because I do not like to talk about my traumatic experiences and I feel like it might put a strain on our relationship or I might be overthinking.  I do love him deeply although I don’t show it enough, I don’t want to lose him.  He tries to support me, assures me I’m safe. Mind you, I live in protected building with security key to enter into building with front/back door cameras.  I’m kind of in denial, I’m not sure how to process this..5 days later I’m still digesting with the new diagnosis of PTSD.  I already have anxiety and was diagnosed it earlier this year.  I’m on Buspar for anxiety, it’s been helpful.  I hope I’m doing the first post right lol Thanks in advance! :D ",2.0693216855087364,4.3578764100719445,3.4778263103802693,87.81217625899285,79.86330935251799,6.849126413155191,26.115621788283658,7.957251820313856,1.6300211716341215,1094,45,225,20,28,358,155,278,0.08900000000000001,0.716,0.195,0.9884,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,1,3,0,4,9,17,0,2,9,1,21,6,0,3,3,35,49,12,0,2,6,0,2,3,0,3,5,1,1,0,10,12,1,3,4,1,0,6,5,4,0,2,7,5,32,13,32,38,2,37,0,2,1,1,20,11,0,6,20,126,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544375253505582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675562440882028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134147929209187,0.0,0.0,0.06130698484115681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741950730390843,0.0,0.053448120991985926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08952975455401689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29104443768237515,0.0,0.056545507256440614,0.0,0.0,0.17798406734563926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059553386712102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857665916620934,0.0,0.0,0.08866596913970383,0.06263767995085336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149158912838864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996596501833736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07753398379675581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753836725305873,0.0,0.0,0.0870847314262183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913038724517802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12850615025327894,0.0,0.0774218973998763,0.0,0.0,0.09809003662887583,0.0,0.0,0.07913344888344988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602648738087185,0.0885304914134351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468063367389787,0.09324729088049924,0.08228051931780866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16794391366335712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6149502414753322,0.08814130932591249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657213744054082,0.09413410968785127,0.0,0.07487712971780816,0.08340252079091423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986857115435023,0.07981939441748791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06749934593970419,0.0,0.0,0.062059434299443036,0.0,0.07002032213104606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994967483731074,0.1652722719924565,0.0,0.0,0.07047281689559759,0.0,0.08072276586207636,0.0,0.10180172715671094,0.0,0.05618096988851396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08378075410366373,0.0,0.119056162225808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05171516823650813,0.0,0.2109916904699863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129244147526898 ptsd,vinesalm,2019/03/22,"Just diagnosed with PTSD Hi, this is my first post. I’m not sure where to start but I will just wing it. I (f/30) had a nightmare a couple weeks ago regarding to something that had happened a couple years ago, I’m going to spare y’all with details. I told my boyfriend (m/25) next morning about my nightmare, he said it seems like I’m experiencing PTSD. So I called my dr, set up an appointment and met up with my dr the following week. She confirms I have PTSD, prescribed me to Prazosin for night terrors. I’m going to see therapist for PTSD in a couple weeks. Have anyone tried this medicine and how do you cope PTSD? And most importantly, how do my boyfriend help/what can he do? I think he feels helpless because I do not like to talk about my traumatic experiences and I feel like it might put a strain on our relationship or I might be overthinking. I do love him deeply although I don’t show it enough, I don’t want to lose him. He tries to support me, assures me I’m safe. Mind you, I live in protected building with security key to enter into building with front/back door cameras. I’m kind of in denial, I’m not sure how to process this..5 days later I’m still digesting with the new diagnosis of PTSD. I already have anxiety and was diagnosed it earlier this year. I’m on Buspar for anxiety, it’s been helpful. I hope I’m doing the first post right lol Thanks in advance! :D ",2.5972661870503586,4.59256143165468,3.857591366906476,87.21150935251802,76.76978417266187,7.181812949640287,26.947338129496398,8.109356740369918,1.701206446043165,1090,44,226,19,25,356,154,278,0.08900000000000001,0.716,0.195,0.9884,0,0,1,0,0,0,39.0,1,3,0,4,10,17,0,2,9,1,21,6,0,3,3,36,49,12,0,2,7,0,2,3,0,3,5,1,1,0,10,12,1,3,4,1,0,6,5,4,0,2,7,5,32,13,32,38,2,36,0,2,1,1,20,11,0,6,19,127,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602955227456328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712025417778952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346534742742322,0.0,0.0,0.061538024140995115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767358203622963,0.0,0.05364954365995199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0898671531695327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921412572907475,0.0,0.05675860262296986,0.0,0.0,0.178654811705494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909369489402545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608980855717424,0.0,0.0,0.08900011252454973,0.06287373406045989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497210277573553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000352239595127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782617558169662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798131811982608,0.0,0.0,0.08741291581544326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164795694424774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12899043391290366,0.0,0.07771366678004996,0.0,0.0,0.0984596952157818,0.0,0.0,0.07943166835503522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18672754011584508,0.08886412424179056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08499975806673128,0.0935986992698152,0.08259059872593437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857682106086522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6172677208554382,0.08847347549663924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448886011065437,0.0,0.07515930897794834,0.0837168285334693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013187534068442,0.08012019891876153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775372154903904,0.0,0.0,0.062293309253268515,0.0,0.07028419820065743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987170824333866,0.16589511113717642,0.0,0.0,0.07073839822071702,0.0,0.08102697477651091,0.0,0.10218537348715036,0.0,0.056392691472619084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409648724268838,0.0,0.11950483300016353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0519100601609983,0.0,0.21178682617212835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11334997764387925 ptsd,charlie175,2019/03/22,"Is anyone childlike? [Many children trapped in adult bodies](https://www.reddit.com/r/nevergrewup/comments/8x30t4/many_children_trapped_in_adult_bodies/) Not everyone is like this or wants to identify like this, but some do. In the post it says ""I don't know why, but this thread helped me resolve a lot of my issues"". That person could have thought ""I am a child"" by themselves. But they didn't. They only benefited when it was suggested to them. This strikes me as similar to [this video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eXfQuXUQ8X8&t=87) at 1:27 and 4:45, where an unrecognised transgender child needed 14 medications, 17 doses per day for psychological issues. After transitioning all the problems went away.",9.105462885738119,13.147927302752302,6.0286738949124254,69.48919933277732,64.96330275229357,9.468223519599666,32.84487072560467,9.800150414767053,4.019414678899082,592,25,80,15,11,164,88,109,0.11599999999999999,0.853,0.032,-0.7947,0,2,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,3,1,2,5,0,0,5,0,9,2,0,0,1,16,14,7,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,5,8,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,1,8,4,12,9,3,10,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,3,5,53,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401926600906009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550054060483994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827780141350996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17699526384453312,0.0,0.0,0.14296673266849744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118269205788992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485889608625424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4627574153970849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218307847765818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166055309068572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884663488496812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22475103968910004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2233215771062254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437460328751216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16859936496055736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935644180883082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231034765609588,0.0,0.0,0.21212000517047105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762906484402031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599096987512813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075395360138173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20550169649190309,0.20003377916623585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Maruu3,2019/03/22,"My PTSD is bringing us down. I was finally given a PTSD diagnosis after keeping things to myself for so long. I realized it’s the reason my sex drive is so low, why I’m hyper vigilant, and why I have recurring nightmares. But how do you explain it to someone who doesn’t understand why I still can’t be touched in certain ways at times and why I cry randomly? They of all people should know what it’s like to be hurt in this way by someone else. But they don’t understand. ",4.813539518900342,5.039820680412376,6.164484536082476,79.66088487972509,69.0,9.765635738831616,32.66151202749141,9.725611199111238,3.0012625429553266,374,16,76,8,6,127,70,97,0.098,0.836,0.067,-0.6048,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,2,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,11,1,0,2,2,16,19,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,1,6,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,2,1,12,2,11,14,1,15,0,2,0,1,6,5,0,1,7,52,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759193961225806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378640337011996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543863226550593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714459740404632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14235041105334287,0.0,0.0,0.08801532298632292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824215282841866,0.0,0.0,0.1417294354205813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102919661641346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744181168026097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646628771243543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27139245381625465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278975535678524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639783882288156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933858895302079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.333447654514579,0.1926430759886072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542423257499765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5780488967144947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hasty_pudding,2019/03/22,"thanks well-meaning brother, no sleep tonight Hi r/ptsd, this weirdly isn't a throwaway because I don't roll like that, I just generally browse anonymously. I am self-diagnosing at best here, but everything is terrible and I can't really talk to anyone so maybe this is a place I can connect. &#x200B; My brother tonight brought up a thing that I thought I was over, but apparently that's not the case since my brain has been buzzing in the bad kind of nicotine-withdrawal way (quit 12 years now!) and my leg won't stop bouncing and I can't imagine trying to lay down in bed any time soon because it'll all just be reliving this shit until god knows when. &#x200B; So, background: I'm in my late 30s, whatever, middle-class white guy, nothing to write home about. Four and a half years ago I was hospitalized for some shit. Not important. What's important is that in my post-surgery stay in the ICU, there was a particularly bad encounter that I thought I was done thinking about. Well, the whole hospital stay was horrific but we'll focus on this since it's what's currently relevant. &#x200B; I realize I'm not giving any details, but I really don't want to. Suffice it to say that the nurses were not just insensitive to my situation but actively hostile, and the doctors didn't want to deal with anything besides giving the nurses orders to ""get it done."" Yeah, as my brother described to me in way too much detail half an hour ago, ""I've never heard any kind of pain like the screams from your room that night. We were all cringing..."" Thanks, man. &#x200B; I don't even know what I'm hoping for by posting this here. I just know I can't go to bed or I get to loop back over the whole experience another 20-30 times in between listening to podcasts and reading books before falling asleep eventually at 4am. I'd rather try and type out this rambling thing here and hope I'm not just shouting into the void. &#x200B; Thanks for reading.",5.222201591511936,6.379936909814327,5.495769230769234,81.48673076923079,68.49602122015915,8.664721485411139,33.06763925729443,8.950670267944501,2.7586572944297085,1553,70,298,27,26,493,209,377,0.163,0.747,0.08900000000000001,-0.9833,2,0,0,0,0,0,70.0,2,1,0,2,21,20,3,0,16,1,28,8,6,0,3,48,53,19,0,5,17,3,0,2,0,3,2,5,4,2,22,12,0,1,8,3,0,3,16,9,1,3,15,6,28,11,41,34,7,46,0,0,1,0,17,18,2,4,21,183,50,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12040433173987515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36792702457500587,0.4126181623150452,0.13855270324547667,0.07121434502636499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047487444303182455,0.0,0.05588790190302373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05222210986786383,0.1134116532183727,0.0828001793039671,0.0,0.057790294329515664,0.0,0.07127214801732723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581511741107143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001693640594951,0.0,0.06893185586298714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951343705906525,0.0,0.13900036284598413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04485693095238005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103723361734228,0.06643347825993985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096511632110597,0.13029968212004386,0.038597413489013306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724609879266706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812384806531924,0.13490897795658455,0.06688216809719137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144514100481653,0.11197220962766566,0.0,0.07661058966896256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06635925382814649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06822931083865419,0.07397887324516576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992502105785463,0.0,0.05237990083143346,0.0,0.0,0.06373322042284342,0.0,0.06516585865371217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07226588756689789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095626758313184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008676363403862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938849441313083,0.0,0.0,0.07223550171971035,0.1358658911909743,0.0,0.08701562127900665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400838952908577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084970494465441,0.0,0.1394266540295088,0.1123592631802194,0.07633881875965776,0.067963614037185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447757840942619,0.0,0.05677961898249523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458715635565611,0.0,0.18757982591083786,0.0,0.0,0.09023884105920647,0.043516912230995256,0.0,0.10783316005376843,0.07920306028506245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221906585843492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011554238473134,0.10781484416270486,0.0,0.0,0.1221267037977813,0.0,0.0,0.15164837725944075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4126181623150452,0.08746950889742446 ptsd,A_Wild_Nudibranch,2019/03/22,"Positive EMDR I've had experience with EMDR- some of it really negative, as I don't think I was quite ready for that intensity yet. A few weeks ago, my therapist and I were brainstorming about how to approach my difficulty with connection of my physical sense of body and my cognitive thought, and I told him I felt like I needed to anchor a feeling that had as strong as an impact on me as my trauma. He brought up the idea of using EMDR as a way to reconnect that feeling of being in my body, and the strong positivity of the feeling. He's never used EMDR in that way before, but we figured it was worth a shot. We tried it yesterday, and I was really surprised at how well it worked. I closed my eyes and went back to the memory, and initially, I was seeing it from a visual/cognitive narrative, but I started to shift more towards how my body felt; I'm so used to a huge vocabulary for negative body sensations that it was hard to verbalize the positive, so I stopped trying and really dove into the feelings I remembered. Once I stopped trying to verbalize it, I started feeling echoes of these strong positive feelings, and slowly building them up was such a strange experience, but good kind of strange. When I came back to reality, my therapist was visibly excited, which fueled my excitement as well. Using EMDR this way was very strange, but surprisingly effective. Has anyone else ever had a therapist utilize EMDR in a very different way?",8.996923076923078,7.666570597069597,9.716483516483516,62.8035164835165,60.97802197802198,13.967765567765568,41.146520146520146,12.896187039172386,5.582939926739926,1155,55,197,38,13,396,138,273,0.087,0.6990000000000001,0.214,0.9885,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,2,0,1,6,14,13,0,0,16,0,15,5,5,8,2,47,38,25,0,1,4,0,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,15,16,0,2,14,0,1,4,4,1,2,0,19,11,30,12,38,18,3,32,0,0,2,0,7,11,0,1,14,146,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377735138264103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608354118432047,0.09683659292333953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453446062985458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042099025157717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4199169101785258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809418327184016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09874276242744258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07895092005775038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548964333829542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848976950024737,0.0,0.0,0.28672236475856394,0.0,0.1814887096931886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792704460860367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08466233448728741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669020825217053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098417549502526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04617277838027607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007791626709406,0.07289188509967214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064999198934983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10052294502074567,0.0,0.0,0.1816364454915013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706132815433082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753121787236961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378923113014374,0.0,0.0,0.15802906829451285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32919994254941026,0.0,0.06055814760784485,0.0,0.07503032831113071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030828915510597,0.0,0.19249811795705654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32650494301632066,0.0,0.15596118182586116,0.0,0.3000703364459527,0.07581016585548138,0.0,0.16995155621767424,0.0876116528434502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880435533812526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TakeAFuckingBreath,2019/03/22,"Is pathological lying normal for PTSD? My daughter is 18 and away from home for the first time, going to college 200 miles away. She was sexually assaulted at 14 and is recovering. She has PTSD, anxiety, insomnia, depression. She's been seeing a therapist for 3 years and on anti-depressants and anti-anxieties, with mixed success. I am supportive through it all, of course. She's my only child (bit like ""Gilmore Girls"") and I want her to thrive, but also just be okay in her own skin and in her own time. About a year ago, she started inventing wild stories. I believed the first: she was attacked by a mugger on a city street. He grabbed her, said vile things and she got away. She was alone and, afterward, rang me in hysterics and I rushed to rescue her. I was horrified, she was terrified, but police had no camera footage. They didn't outright accuse her of lying, but their investigation just went nowhere. Two weeks later, a near car accident when a child ran in front of her car. Then she hit a dog with her car. Then someone was outside her window, peering in. Then someone was threatening her in anonymous phone calls. Then another dog. Then someone grabbed her in a mall bathroom. Then a man tried to get into her car at an intersection, but the doors were locked and she sped off. Always no evidence, no damage to the car, no bruises. I've begun reacting with no reaction (""Oh, gosh, that's scary. Glad you're okay."") because I dont want to encourage it...? Can I confront her, gently with love, and say, ""Sweetheart, I don't think that really happened."" She's so terribly fragile and I don't want her to think she hasn't got me in her corner. I can't confer with her counselor because she's an adult. Her grades are good and she likes school, but these ""events"" give her the permission to cocoon in her room, away from everyone. My deepest, darkest fear is that she genuinely believes these things have happened. What do I do then? What do I do now? ",3.4250237191650896,5.6940464327957026,4.188349146110061,84.52164136622396,75.26344086021507,7.6022770398481985,27.60784313725491,8.4952907291091,2.11853137254902,1531,62,291,30,34,489,203,372,0.21,0.696,0.094,-0.995,0,1,0,1,0,0,77.0,0,0,2,3,7,19,4,1,16,2,30,4,1,1,1,34,50,28,0,4,7,1,4,2,1,0,2,3,4,5,11,19,0,0,2,1,0,10,11,8,0,3,16,8,54,11,44,32,4,58,0,2,1,1,52,25,0,0,25,197,65,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693354415219096,0.0,0.0,0.1132552188868538,0.0,0.08744838868723052,0.09098924297316803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466462639892508,0.16730726075325755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12440316560789967,0.4109574936365732,0.0,0.0,0.13331937016535692,0.0,0.0,0.2464034829216173,0.0,0.0,0.11938356214136517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11166015069070652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18836864590419186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815919290041336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449008460703298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305088636917567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18602873164810052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713166741408157,0.10489996337579284,0.06214700136670553,0.0917188853410906,0.1749168352966655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19339841503023808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10968851267781836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684727979312074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098694036089088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714129369964501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316677531484426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556522017827915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005339795748834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10401835776149168,0.08696073530505012,0.0,0.11066959857691293,0.0871390212393816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27795962021492304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739958430775018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12409083406872833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126965568614781,0.14529661113775813,0.14013610547578698,0.0,0.0,0.1275275271277994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424251904304184,0.0,0.10682056720367547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19349511814420545,0.0,0.08771521106669729,0.0,0.0,0.10136997504682016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140837615726262 ptsd,stuetel,2019/03/22,"(NSFW) I have successfully intended sex with my BF for the first time and it was heavenly! I have been physically, mentally, emotionally and sexually abused from the age of 8 to 16. 7 months ago I met the most amazing man online. I'm 21 and he's 25. He's very understanding of my situation and he's been very gentle with me. We've had sex around our first month anniversary and it was quite nice even though it was hard for me. Up until that point I had been a virgin apart from the abuse and he was a virgin too so it was fairly awkward but very chill. Since then we've had sex quite a few times a week and it's nice, but he's always the one that has to ""start"" it. Like, if he's in the mood and we start kissing and touching 99,99% of the time I go along and love it and we end up having sex. Sometimes I want to try to start it, starting my kissing him, but then I don't know how to let him know that I want more. I get super shy and if he doesn't make the next move I'll just agree with not going further than that. He moved in with me on new year's Day and we have only grown stronger since then. He's kind of shy about it too, afraid I don't want to have sex when he wants too. So yesterday I asked if we should brush our teeth and go to sleep and he softly muttered that he hoped we could be ""sexy"" and then we'd have to go to the bathroom anyway.. I agreed happily. And I kind of took it as a learning moment. This night I decided to take my chance when we'd go to prepare for bed. I know he loved it when I gently touch him, just softly moving my hands over his back and arms and stomach. And then I grabbed his ass, which he thought I was just joking about until I started to massage it a bit more. He was turned on within a second and I playfully just let my fingers slide over his bulge. I slowly undressed him, knowing very well that he was really tired, so I told him that he could ask me to do anything he wanted me to do and I'd do it. Him being shy blushed and said I'm all his. That gave me some more confidence. So I decided to ride him if he had the energy. And he did have that. He comes rather quickly normally (he always goes on until i finish too though) but now we went really really really slowly this time, making me actually orgasm twice! I am absolutely exhausted but it's time to sleep anyway. I feel so proud of myself for daring to do this. Usually I'd never admit that I'm turned on or whatever, but I trust him and he trusts me and together we are gonna be okay. I wish I had taken action sooner, but this is very promising for the future!! Also, I get no one is probably interested in my sex life at all but when I first met him and realised I was in love with him the first thing that scared me was sex. It is part of a normal and healthy relationship but I'd only known pain and have terrible flashbacks. To think that I now have a normal sex like and even dare to take control is such a win for me. And he seemed to love it too. We've never moaned this loud and stayed entangled this long. It was amazing. I'm so happy!!;",2.454173737501179,3.5330283863987653,4.040581017569316,89.61152793111064,75.02782071097373,7.3218181244677165,22.16853294640886,7.817275551320576,0.7379774721635175,2374,58,543,33,49,794,272,647,0.064,0.726,0.21,0.9988,0,0,0,0,2,0,66.0,11,0,0,11,37,36,0,3,22,1,53,29,9,5,4,105,108,69,0,18,20,0,9,2,1,2,4,2,1,1,37,47,0,1,14,2,0,15,7,6,1,8,29,12,76,29,63,68,10,83,1,0,0,18,64,18,1,9,51,355,113,2,0.0,0.16303534732331632,0.0671396364409955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060987740080286686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055019958739186914,0.11449552059784447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566171795589205,0.06124728062342455,0.1286388833578445,0.0,0.0,0.05290355283805268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07511263228243126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059265779749727264,0.0,0.0,0.07716592478095581,0.10986364858014999,0.0,0.0,0.044370811216565775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773916169293711,0.060937069738556275,0.0,0.0,0.0908845323483362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034787741492791506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23408763256209325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189113558321568,0.0,0.19550534333971265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323970942930877,0.06163198483941144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833469828883616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432908495992986,0.15124443710194446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070691745673838,0.04859602544483837,0.06722517148529566,0.0,0.0,0.0608865250778356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483815596807387,0.0,0.0918501095102012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933500390989644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10983225205763107,0.21937302204662684,0.0,0.0,0.1061268056116191,0.06644822184375608,0.07317040983204841,0.06456487113811582,0.20223046920972135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09324237792464367,0.10465218662084133,0.07320888050976296,0.0,0.0,0.07450453992303346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06503897527668502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741788771881225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635619631919952,0.0,0.0,0.17630216510661312,0.0,0.0,0.07386628951893258,0.0,0.0,0.06544529679814394,0.0,0.06888158296056428,0.0,0.0,0.0626336459421462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382543201605334,0.07733495912104714,0.1377009337760911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680457304414196,0.0,0.2434877302470225,0.07333247701865203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034592480753201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04570818096108886,0.04408476163423022,0.13519283364155352,0.05462013402975598,0.20059143987711464,0.07907637536239384,0.0,0.0657420934797921,0.0764401978531266,0.046711213274052435,0.1496709835355194,0.0,0.07162403814881471,0.0,0.0,0.07577433883519785,0.2838392436270316,0.2029024124276184,0.0,0.05518783554663112,0.0,0.06186016367062785,0.06377901214871527,0.0,0.0,0.07911750133383624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04430544646110735 ptsd,edgysaltines,2019/03/22,"Fear of abandonment I just started dating again. He seems really nice, but there’s something eating at me. “He’s going to hurt you” “you’re obviously not good enough for him” “see that girl liking his posts? He wants her. She wants him” “There’s no room for you in his life” . It all sounds so stupid and childish when it’s typed out, but my mind and heart are racing. I feel myself starting to dissociate. I start crying with such grief that it’s comparable to a death in the family. It’s like the sadness and fear inside me is growing and nearly making me explode out of my skin. I can’t get hurt again, I can’t take it. I want to run away and just stop trying. I haven’t felt this distraught since I started therapy and I don’t know how to handle it.",1.6563852813852795,3.729477409090908,3.1256883116883145,90.93900865800863,80.10389610389609,5.924848484848488,19.357575757575766,7.0316486544052195,0.224768484848485,587,14,126,7,15,192,100,154,0.317,0.616,0.067,-0.9942,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,0,10,13,1,3,3,0,6,4,2,2,2,28,22,11,2,3,5,0,3,2,0,0,1,1,1,1,9,9,1,2,4,0,0,3,6,9,0,0,1,5,23,4,17,21,2,21,0,5,1,0,12,8,0,1,11,80,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14838264231577702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348127133318975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616042226403378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318633627142534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14888456463880914,0.35543560473246555,0.07985534185981905,0.0,0.15163982379034996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251313483339931,0.0,0.08975659446618058,0.13246616273365006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18715059601689116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33813969575898184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08679548966749058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11155228992747797,0.15431553818047164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542107046987786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946665277404426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512555354550103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10117550795969428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585163595283674,0.1437756805705067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064327254281535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158403946019898,0.0,0.0,0.44714132284963454,0.0,0.0,0.13203851694380347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874547281729204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180609406988268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10722569918657444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794577770209127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ConejoMuerte,2019/07/18,"Why are ex-gang members and people who have been involved in that lifestyle for the most part shunned by society when they wish to seek help for trauma? Its difficult for me to even say this, but I feel it to be very true. I lived in that world for many years. Lost ""brothers"" to violence, constant worry and fear that you will be next, things of that nature. Much of which begins at a fairly early age. 15 years old for myself. It often times feels as though society as a whole does not give a damn about those of us who survive to be productive adults. Which leads many to go undiagnosed, and afraid to seek help. At 35 years old, I have been fortunate enough to reach out to deal with the many traumatic events that have plaqued my mind for years. Just yesterday learning a name for what I have been experiencing since I left all that behind at 29 years of age. While it feels good to know a name for this...""hypervigilance"". I think in todays day and age people who have walked similar paths should not be ashamed to ask for help, and also be accepted in a sense. We know the things in are past are wrong and immoral. Many of us have payed for our sins in more ways than one would think. Just a rant and I appologise to anyone I have offended. Thank you.",5.13579268292683,5.842027731707318,4.988363821138211,86.68303353658537,68.4308943089431,8.589024390243901,25.944105691056908,8.660442795831766,1.4682203252032529,986,26,209,15,16,304,144,246,0.152,0.722,0.126,-0.8832,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,4,2,1,3,8,14,2,3,10,0,21,0,0,1,2,35,35,14,0,3,5,1,3,0,0,3,0,1,0,1,20,10,0,0,9,0,1,3,2,10,0,1,4,5,18,4,44,23,7,38,1,1,0,0,22,12,1,2,22,139,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929797520916356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0780783403232657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439113441975148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12066953996614554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201429609952341,0.115121086622255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09771826332200938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153791683504288,0.0,0.0737532788329576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256534873359511,0.16938261761328216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711866129949132,0.06346144818307317,0.0936587954604222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245388677131069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122735660879677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12132369035906887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860170532481267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12189487634856727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4528406747148946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274920558356573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208617755704628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875634938586208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343459941957628,0.0,0.07566668299251199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092165664018635,0.1065962987693351,0.1548280613112412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880000766183277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923699402840744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280557103149757,0.0,0.0,0.14836972269163842,0.14310006920130786,0.109709699749208,0.0,0.06511240588248292,0.0,0.10584478854667627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686370332246546,0.0,0.0,0.09213481915151643,0.0,0.0886339980805345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075974692788214,0.12466930767571432,0.12840854182044195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340061200736093,0.0,0.07932318139701403,0.122087485018403,0.0,0.3595410420488945 ptsd,some_dude38,2019/07/18,"Best course of action for PTSD Hi Guys. First time posting here. Long story short I was randomly almost assaulted by a crazy homeless person walking to my bus stop. I tried to walk away, but it continued and he was kicking scooters at me etc... Good thing that was the end of it as he just disappeared after that. It happened so fast, so sudden and so randomly. I didn't process what just happened until after he left. This took me back to my younger days of being bullied and the trauma associated with them etc... and I was affected by it the rest of the day. If you dealt with something like this, what would be the best way to get to the root of your trauma? Therapy? reading? subreddits? I feel like I have not properly dealt with earlier trauma in my life and it rears its ugly head whenever I face stuff like this as an adult. Any constructive input will be welcome thanks",3.1092973372781074,5.439317662721894,4.0299667159763315,84.98270155325447,76.51479289940828,7.301923076923077,25.947115384615394,8.278499904357787,1.840162426035504,691,26,131,13,16,222,112,169,0.153,0.7,0.147,0.5773,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,1,3,7,12,1,0,8,0,11,3,2,2,0,21,17,13,0,2,5,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,3,15,8,0,1,1,1,0,5,2,4,0,1,6,1,15,8,24,6,5,26,0,0,0,0,11,5,0,4,17,94,30,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948528818227498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10830864712848268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963883521403884,0.12246833019119685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342867984042611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20543116170500494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14106540633425252,0.0,0.3552549427664725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053138935275353,0.11378208440551615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354744622069566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321168294100376,0.0,0.0,0.13358760827666627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770173690508285,0.2816827920695746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345634388589514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17304665880756126,0.0,0.11249668067429808,0.2334329375899454,0.0,0.0,0.1409483986879515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13906788848856588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15253604998485007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18617739443638068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931249107130435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261335801476987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315634207950125,0.0,0.0,0.18232534726875535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.146633856266261,0.182138428515834,0.0,0.10581150599691286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287126241823247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1769541531400429,0.10813346144048198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642062880875596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314040535788332,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,insanElf83,2019/07/18,It is hard living with cptsd... It's hard to live with cptsd I wake up in the morning and think and feel like I am going to have a great day. Then minutes to hour usually everyday the flashbacks come and it ruins my whole thoughts of being happy and just feeling great. The depression of having these flashbacks and anger and thoughts that I cant do nothing to change what happened. Then I have to spend all day meditating and trying to get my mind back to some sense and mode of being able to handle what I go through everyday usually. I know there is always hope but it will get hard and it will be a long bumpy road to my goals of being healed as of for everyone that goes through what I been through.,6.0220744680851075,5.78968265248227,5.845452127659577,84.54562500000002,66.44680851063829,9.03581560283688,31.10017730496454,8.472884824447931,2.090056028368795,558,19,116,7,8,174,84,141,0.076,0.8370000000000001,0.08800000000000001,0.4118,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,8,1,0,5,0,15,2,1,0,1,24,28,13,0,1,2,0,5,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,11,12,0,0,6,0,1,3,1,3,0,0,3,5,10,5,23,19,3,17,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,12,82,21,1,0.15212776713838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265824889604689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11697686264275495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16093100621033438,0.13104460107664104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19621964917616966,0.0,0.13102742292128586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14536460079296004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15384073998625333,0.1086801072402238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896095897553034,0.0,0.17291543170102158,0.0,0.0,0.3354428006565209,0.0,0.0,0.13452608207080313,0.16194283692314096,0.40882979525192653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15109719832876015,0.14981520682620464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360544233443852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432194275348157,0.0,0.2686632109861703,0.13462828673581373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536056780581759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14597069547784414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747733053226376,0.0,0.2415449085427743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032847679580605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350944861077417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984521921423393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Therocker355,2019/07/18,"Can the amygdala decrease in size? I have a few questions on this [Jordan Peterson Clip](https://youtu.be/xw1m87XsMgI) . Firstly I have seen some studies stating that meditation and other ways can help quell, desensitise and shrink the amygdala which is in direct opposition what Peterson said. Ive read that is trauma is healed due to any therapy/medication the hippocampus increases back and amygdala reduces back into its original size.He also said that there is a permanent transformation after ptsd which I think doesnt seem to be the case if the PTSD is healed. The person is still exposed to the evil and he knows about it but can now face it; overall life would become normal again. Ive read studies that if ptsd is healed than the and the person does become a way stronger individual having faced that evil and developing their shadow. Anyone with a background in neurochemistry will be appreciated.",8.71,10.140957101910828,7.9699426751592375,65.88548726114654,60.783439490445865,10.865987261146495,36.08216560509554,10.793553405168565,4.300167388535031,743,32,111,18,10,232,98,157,0.07400000000000001,0.8540000000000001,0.071,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,1,8,3,2,0,13,0,20,6,2,1,0,19,26,10,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,13,8,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,3,6,0,12,19,3,18,0,0,1,0,8,5,0,5,9,81,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210340867181205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10383211518649252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676201195578973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2348131216526976,0.0,0.0,0.33726067931692216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361706145250474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12987513312777454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234260094871657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0839125552617136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784705206423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1696003777244426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496004370878101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666400772074598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5354473491292184,0.0,0.171043921704059,0.0,0.3054558128482548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29047981873168144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900013453904092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193570582327025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978353999053432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24239101199090854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10846417080097427,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tropicalsadness,2019/07/18,"Terrified of going out after being beat up at a club Hey everyone, so I don’t have a PTSD diagnosis and I’m sorry if this post doesn’t fit here very well but I feel like this community might be able to relate to my feelings at the moment. A month and a half ago, I was beat up badly by 3 other people at a club downtown with little to no motive. I ended up with a lot of facial trauma, and multiple hospital visits to deal with the broken nose. It was only a couple weeks ago that I got all of the matted tangles out of my hair. It was just bad. I thought I had gotten over the worst of it emotionally. I tried to take what lessons I could from it and moved forward. Then I visited a club last Friday, for the first time since the incident. I wasn’t worried beforehand and I actually had an amazing time. Until now. My friends and I are planning to revisit the same club this Friday (it’s a local club, where everyone is quite nice and there’s even some familiar faces) but all of a sudden I’m having flashbacks. I’m dealing with a lot of hyperventilating and heart racing as well. I’m suddenly scared to be getting back into these outings. I don’t want irrational fear to take over my social life, because I am very familiar with this club and I know that everyone’s really nice there. I’m just terrified to enter an atmosphere where the same thing could happen. I’m having these vivid visualizations of scenarios that could possibly take place and I’m just scared shitless. Any advice on how to calm myself down, or how to approach this issue? Thanks.",3.2913368185212875,5.152940828478967,4.969271844660195,80.60318334578047,74.37216828478964,7.99009210853871,25.15322379885487,8.730908602173464,1.9116869803335816,1232,41,235,25,26,417,171,309,0.157,0.7340000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.9594,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,7,16,16,0,3,21,0,22,6,5,3,2,45,43,20,0,5,7,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,18,18,0,0,6,6,0,7,5,7,2,2,9,5,21,9,43,27,8,44,0,0,1,0,7,20,0,6,19,167,39,1,0.11156374708563142,0.0,0.10887012389158304,0.0,0.0,0.10901880246179248,0.1977890608401998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586717370212934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578563508971998,0.1863021375913466,0.06800822472613803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26722372206946354,0.123443164173868,0.0,0.0,0.2300346489951809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12549419940150092,0.09881236604337336,0.0,0.0,0.07368680276730165,0.0,0.0,0.3198118238990069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12554023203928882,0.11281996528405447,0.07970116320946577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489606627867148,0.0,0.0,0.08619387425251858,0.0,0.05828745322839012,0.0,0.06340424845632484,0.0,0.08922772008663166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865545310289103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322035774549723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644356678593824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06131251775421918,0.09093934408975934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880077389855507,0.054504411523504936,0.11181618342778338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18969501642970785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11835150538509452,0.0,0.0,0.08904911854351841,0.11857460736414398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484925691360454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734425504339039,0.0,0.11656037057133302,0.0,0.0,0.12577136207802386,0.10684723063994406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304120501695405,0.0,0.0,0.11866177767863888,0.0,0.0,0.07147059313606667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22338954657150945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228668445718613,0.0,0.0,0.1137251905998423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12488648100386103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25164616058627964,0.0,0.0,0.1027129092543152,0.0,0.0,0.07411799628176326,0.0,0.0,0.08856915339451359,0.13010743619503995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574446103445187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18410355049286276,0.06580318854812185,0.0,0.08948970849060728,0.0,0.20061841379476494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329840059861394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,menace64,2019/07/18,"I'm flashing-back unexpectedly hard tonight. I always feel like I'm ""over it"". I feel better. But I'm crying and I can't stop it and I'm terrified to fall asleep. I simultaneously wish for anyone to be in my head with me right now while also wishing for nothing more than to keep every single person away. It's dumb and it makes me feel dumb. I hurt but I don't, and I'm being reminded tonight that some things just will never go away. Anybody got a vacant shoulder tonight?",1.62876288659794,3.880343680412373,3.5208350515463955,87.09671649484541,81.26804123711341,5.5294845360824745,22.07113402061856,6.742157984588678,0.5535410309278346,375,12,77,4,10,126,65,97,0.135,0.772,0.09300000000000001,-0.5867,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,2,0,1,0,5,3,3,1,1,18,19,8,0,2,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,2,3,0,0,2,3,3,0,0,1,4,9,2,11,15,3,14,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,1,8,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558516961717303,0.16216225437233991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627007493900986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662069901986401,0.14985668168901856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236241388391976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2140750873527412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420136948548406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956233687852831,0.13922787693806676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075922290152193,0.0,0.15586956992128806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745811810071632,0.0,0.2000110988491298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208631411191372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322522332732965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521233059337623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300891139212038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030947898619573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870000917613324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170168502059751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664331087934017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16293491989912198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129474788694023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4482226836337223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway20190717,2019/07/18,"I don't want the label but I don't know what to do Throwaway account obviously &#x200B; &#x200B; To make a long story short, a few months ago I was involved in a robbery where multiple people surrounded a car that my friend was driving and forced him out. Within seconds I knew he was going to be killed by the gunman, and I was able to exit the car and shoot the gunman (who shot at me but missed) before he could kill my friend. I was shot by his accomplice during this, but I managed to get my friend back into the car and we got away alive. The gunman died from his injuries later. &#x200B; &#x200B; I can't stop reliving the experience and I can't sleep at night unless I take seroquel or drink a 12 pack. I feel like I'm on red alert all the time, and even though it's been a while, anything that reminds me of the situation sets me on edge to the point where it causes my friends to ask what's wrong. I have to leave the room/area sometimes. I haven't had panic attacks or anything but I do get this ""fight or flight"" adrenaline-dump feeling a lot with anything that seems like the situation I was in; feeling trapped in small rooms is another big problem. I've spoken to a psychiatrist who says this is consistent with PTSD but I hate that term... I have always loved studying history and when I think about the soldiers from WWI/WWII who were shelled daily it just makes me feel pathetic to compare my experience to their trauma. I know everyone is different but I know a lot of Iraq/Afghanistan vets and I think I'd feel like a poseur trying to tell them how I know what being shot at feels like. It's so frustrating. I know something's wrong. &#x200B; &#x200B; My psych is great I'm sure but shes not the kind of doc for this kind of thing, I think. I don't know how to explain it, I just think that when I told her about my situation that it freaked her out as much as it did me. &#x200B; &#x200B; I don't know how to find a doc who knows what I'm going through. I don't know what to do. I'm so glad my friend is okay and survived, but now I feel like I'm in eternal vigilance mode, and I don't know how to turn it off.",4.862352693602696,5.034402556818186,5.3278282828282855,85.89016835016837,68.88636363636364,8.336700336700337,29.7053872053872,8.045849151850463,1.7632634680134678,1695,59,364,20,27,543,208,440,0.142,0.688,0.17,0.8955,1,1,2,4,1,0,70.0,1,0,2,1,18,30,6,1,25,1,33,3,1,7,3,72,77,34,3,3,15,0,7,5,5,0,0,1,1,0,28,16,1,1,25,1,1,6,10,13,0,1,13,9,53,17,48,61,6,45,0,1,1,1,28,24,0,6,19,231,81,2,0.048562148486445696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043047414560860885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040407597773327995,0.4209365407681006,0.4720666064244976,0.0,0.05092164689976618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198875313233984,0.0,0.04539905342665167,0.05524645456271236,0.04562573707119029,0.03734129462354325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04132281159072208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04988670355503412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03877292402844042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05039984315446047,0.050737109241907385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04757241771370005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032074841074767116,0.0,0.0,0.04640321396395275,0.0,0.09500619913090633,0.0,0.0,0.17188136982832972,0.13877123432757152,0.0,0.0,0.04438492393911293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875949772850508,0.0,0.050743436510808905,0.0,0.05519797619999625,0.0,0.03883958638130118,0.053539940145750836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479450677777105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10745364443872832,0.10114000940777243,0.2668848679825048,0.0,0.0,0.05142030342644412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862506390804453,0.0,0.0,0.042975973248811035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257160408862481,0.04382923500188051,0.0,0.06483122241193097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03876184361195948,0.0,0.03569876676995719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045572286664371985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056977217949434826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033666879215769864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04590692699325025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046467417640119496,0.0567665528470824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03861856961833963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044209156115316665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375766871907824,0.048597219489307404,0.0,0.0,0.037385514436781474,0.04802920658401631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04060013060373525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04576925023905451,0.0,0.0365126920278591,0.0,0.04244545824049173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03226253361847134,0.12446665558600395,0.047712064324437725,0.0,0.028316979308899707,0.0,0.0,0.04640321396395275,0.0,0.032970511119150024,0.05282167258127235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02864321337918775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619017191228658,0.4720666064244976,0.0 ptsd,shouldistay320,2019/07/18,"Help Me Understand Husbands PTSD Please help me understand this. My husband was wrongly sent to jail four years ago. He spent a night in jail before the judge released him and he has had a really tough time with it. I think something happened to him in jail that night he won’t tell me about. His therapist has indicated his. His PTSD seems to “flare up” at random times and he wants to be completely alone. He has not slept for the past two nights. He didn’t come home from work and I got worried and called him a bunch of times. He said he couldn’t talk. He finally answered and just sounds.. off. It’s hard to describe but it’s not him. He isn’t making sense. I’m worried. I’ve put in a call to his therapist but haven’t received a call back. If anyone has experienced this, please help me understand this and how to help him.",1.353479357075326,3.789043497005992,2.252265994327136,94.56997163567604,84.08982035928143,5.910999054522534,20.765521588402144,7.273561745256523,0.5260970059880239,652,20,142,10,19,204,99,167,0.053,0.851,0.09699999999999999,0.8498,0,1,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,7,0,12,1,1,2,0,25,27,10,0,3,6,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,7,8,0,0,6,0,1,4,7,2,0,2,8,4,16,0,18,16,1,21,0,0,0,0,33,6,0,3,11,77,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10074691491648692,0.0,0.0,0.11771068520023845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946912609672686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739247805442063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671070436889063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481586008101548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09790237287108472,0.11916346690562353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245017854806474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089903643379786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050335946369307,0.0,0.101811156218878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30471801386539904,0.0,0.11400366457990885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075864552086308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199681560875663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849506627922582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495146898477463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26570957295015285,0.1142530960101834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280930234587275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10811044546866323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346582100494037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749596881704555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913503279728756,0.09933811388138801,0.0,0.0,0.2639208016261852,0.0,0.07282453364611573,0.0,0.0,0.1988167002056943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1110228939788159,0.3549517100250583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06703574211566071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827410561295226,0.2308411653666676,0.0,0.0,0.12426219232619465,0.0,0.07318908749656962 ptsd,infinitestrength,2019/02/09,"TW- flashbacks and death. Just had my first major flashback in a while I had been holding my PTSD from my mom's death in for a while, but I've been doing trauma work with my therapist. Yesterday was a hard session, but today I've been really bad. Really foggy. Then I was driving and had a really bad flashback. I immediately pulled over and I got out and started screaming for my dad (I was calling him and he didn't answer). When he finally answered I was just not making any sense and I felt horrible. Foggy vision, couldn't feel my body, felt like I was back watching my mom die. I wanted to call an ambulance because I thought I was dying. I took my anxiety medication and my friend picked me up and took me home. I'm finally feeling better (super mentally exhausted) Just looking for support and seeing if anyone has gone through this before. I'm doing EMDR and my therapist told me I need to keep pushing through it but that was a scary event.",3.0831688804554105,5.2672830537634425,4.7275964579380165,80.65551233396587,75.98924731182795,7.6022770398481985,27.60784313725491,8.4952907291091,2.267966856419988,752,31,137,15,17,253,110,186,0.198,0.7090000000000001,0.094,-0.9727,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,4,6,10,0,0,6,0,18,3,1,2,0,34,38,18,4,4,8,3,5,1,1,0,2,1,1,0,3,12,0,2,7,0,0,6,3,5,0,1,22,9,27,5,14,15,1,23,0,0,3,0,10,5,0,1,13,92,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695105296853002,0.0,0.09781465193836753,0.0,0.0,0.08940460607897102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831856040810806,0.21352010683114314,0.07794394415792177,0.0,0.10880178067135704,0.0,0.0,0.11308420959634335,0.0,0.14202668799064525,0.0,0.0,0.26112432242387235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654026901690105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930249406465252,0.0,0.2455365785051203,0.2801347802284262,0.0,0.10875998778995392,0.0,0.0,0.09878644161859967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10226351974010768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11453990704659675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825676113412926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11365028500537065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06246727988057137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737250492823837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534937689359222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12880826636383502,0.1288555759417402,0.0,0.0,0.29950260926998545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09480860720250284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946470955340269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24573645067624186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189005539156397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050191085732076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509713073451352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969170099683177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150873918699922,0.0,0.0,0.12119893412626498,0.12217833476959253,0.28412043452872177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541676134411378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09308560309086727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ruckinfok,2019/02/09,"I'm just so tired of being paralyzed by fear. My life is a mess and it's making things worse again. I keep replaying crap in my head from my friend's suicide again even though I thought I had moved past it. Kind of just venting here, but I just hate how frozen I can get. It's like I'm watching a video on repeat in my mind and it just kills me every time. Idk what to do anymore. Crap keeps happening and I feel like I can't deal with anything. A couple months ago I was fine but then everything just started to happen and I couldn't control anything. Now I'm worried about money and my dog and a new job. It's just too much. I just want to be normal.",0.1028571428571432,2.2372497857142903,1.72964285714286,98.24660714285716,86.85714285714286,4.642857142857143,18.75,5.985473137389443,-0.34164285714285736,510,14,119,4,16,165,91,140,0.213,0.715,0.071,-0.96,1,0,0,0,0,1,12.0,0,0,0,1,17,11,4,1,4,0,9,5,3,3,0,27,23,12,2,3,9,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,3,2,1,1,1,2,6,0,0,3,2,16,5,12,17,1,15,0,0,1,0,2,3,2,0,13,74,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13958110152652148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561605959894873,0.0,0.0,0.2591566199290404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766077045494597,0.0,0.17422938112061392,0.0,0.0,0.16233703501911853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10400256773085456,0.0,0.13266903881713082,0.0,0.14151723911140238,0.0,0.0,0.17718921157218573,0.07961782598914903,0.11249131884710624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216552205859887,0.0,0.08226771381828335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27848732902018675,0.0,0.0,0.15546172613258866,0.1616020641010427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562573418796353,0.2799200024912253,0.1742090460809423,0.1639730755674133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122049697975167,0.15385655336423745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051075137715223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15899234686044675,0.0,0.1256851516809855,0.1673578330232723,0.11575313499592794,0.0,0.0,0.15207836832813074,0.0,0.0,0.15427992367732885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150315876907999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145284462526743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17223853628777402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461116019258096,0.0,0.15470621319414452,0.12500772226291915,0.0918177131927826,0.18098010457966346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287552610328634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991092216696995,0.16046785028617244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OnlyLongComments,2019/02/09,"Could I have PTSD? Before I'll start I want to mention that I don't intend to insult anyone that suffers from ptsd. So after I've read a lot about ptsd I realised that I suffer from some of the symptoms of ptsd. However the 'problem' is that I can't tell if my traumatic experience was 'enough' to let me suffer from ptsd. I should also mention that I suffered from chronic depression for a long time and that I still suffer from anxiety. So it could be that the symptoms are from these illnesses rather than ptsd. As I already said I'm not sure if my traumatic experience is 'enough' to trigger ptsd. The main reason why I think that is because whenever I read stories from people that suffer from ptsd they had to experience really awful things that can't be compared to what I experienced. So I kinda feel like I'm a bad person if I just diagnose myself for what I experienced while other people had to live through way worse things. So here's what I think might have been a trigger for my possible ptsd: Some years ago I was playing soccer in a good team where only the best of the country could play. I had chances to eventually become a professional player. At the time I was only 11 years old however the pressure from the coaches and the soccer club in general was almost unreal. We had a list of foods which we should and shouldn't eat. I wasn't allowed to go to skiing holidays with my family because the risk of getting injured was too high. We had about 6 times training per week and whenever someone misbehaved the punishment was getting screamed at and doing push ups. And with 'misbehaved' I mean not looking at the coach or not having your hands behind your back while he was talking. For us 11 year old kids this was quite extreme. Everyone was somehow friends but behind the back there was always this envy and fear that the teammates could take your place in the start formation and stuff like that. All this pressure from the teammates, parents who wanted their kids to be stars and also from school was simply too much for some of my former teammates. Crying kids before, after or during the training became a normal thing. Then after I played there for about two years I suddenly got the message that they don't want me to play there anymore. It was a huge shock and the message came out of nowhere. I didn't really know what to feel/do when I got the message. Everything I worked for since I was 4 years old was suddenly gone. My whole world collapsed that day. I locked myself in my room for some weeks or even months (I can't really remember). Shortly after that, my parents divorced and my grandmother died. I somehow couldn't shed one single tear even though I was really close to my grandmother. I was just so numb. Some time later I became really depressed and got suicidal thoughts. I had nightmares about this topic for a long time. It was just too much for my 12 year old self. My anxiety got stronger and stronger and I wouldn't talk with anyone if I wasn't asked something or spoke directly to. My whole life felt like a film. It felt like my body wasn't even my body. I had trouble focusing on things and my thoughts were a mess in general. Before all that happened I was a extroverted and a joyful person. I was quite cheeky and had a lot confidence. Now I am very anxious, introverted and people always tell me that I look really exhausted and depressed. It's like I'm a whole different person after all that happened. Now after 5 years I can't remember a lot of the things that happened back then. It seems like my brain has deleted most memories. So my question is: Could I have ptsd and should I seek professional help? 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After the event I tried to pretend like it never happened and moved on with my life. Over the next couple years my mental health quickly deteriorated, and I eventually told a friend of mine what had happened. It's been five years since I told that friend and soon after confided in my family, but there's always the nagging thought in the back of my head that by not reporting him I could have allowed him to hurt others. It feels like that fear has been growing in intensity of late. Being it seven years since the trauma, I don't think there's much anyone could do about it. So I'm left here just ruminating on the terrible things that could and might have happened. And all of the people I may have allowed him the opportunity to hurt. I recently started seeing a second therapist to focus on processing the trauma, so hopefully that will help me with this and with the other symptoms. But I thought I might as well reach out to you all to see if you had any thoughts or things that helped you cope with or get past these thoughts. Thanks all.",6.65436234817814,6.624748828947375,6.5692982456140365,79.20188259109314,65.09649122807018,9.646963562753037,30.25775978407557,9.265573868473778,2.355544804318489,935,29,183,15,13,296,129,228,0.13,0.7509999999999999,0.12,-0.6771,2,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,3,0,1,13,18,3,2,13,0,21,5,1,3,4,42,40,16,0,5,9,0,1,2,2,4,3,0,0,1,18,12,0,0,7,1,0,2,5,10,1,3,13,3,24,8,31,19,4,28,0,2,2,1,13,10,0,7,18,141,42,2,0.0,0.13331322215990418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936224384734475,0.0,0.0,0.07651483069335041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867389828866156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651796323114168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2695049367684309,0.12449696418241392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607019916181024,0.12661193413378086,0.05689153899703541,0.08038154990429286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385937483658476,0.0,0.0587850370283621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2984929419190272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547401624679995,0.1195993908740814,0.0,0.0,0.1508343881898858,0.0,0.0,0.11175391059392424,0.0,0.0,0.2409017009968805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06183592568989363,0.0,0.1269231020513441,0.0,0.12224911077509472,0.0,0.07947347421990103,0.10993940109422133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338980081868336,0.23872367863334534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958684585535492,0.0827123060927015,0.0,0.08677938033625035,0.0,0.11966218690142988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740938309657556,0.07800452146779037,0.09824474983942516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109611006439148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932158545436444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18614902050302853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963950004353416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169473467653122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358974083404952,0.0,0.13063990585556295,0.14950144206229532,0.0720957966244667,0.0,0.3573009746345348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21502797907862764,0.0,0.0763910704617101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116551873767857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737010742523688 ptsd,ChickenWingDings,2019/02/09,"Seeking Advice On How To Stop Replaying An Event Does anyone have advice on how to break the thought cycle of replaying an incident over and over? As if the past wasn't bad enough, a new incident happened yesterday where I was the victim of an extreme road rage. I was already dealing with issues from a different past traumatic experience in the days prior to yesterday, but now I can't stop replaying the road rage incident over and over in my head. I did file it with police right after it happened, but I haven't slept. I've been petrified of the person finding me from my license plate number (he took a photo). I don't want to eat, I don't want to do my errands, I don't even want to pet my dog or talk to people face to face. All I've been able to do is replay the incident over and over and cry non-stop. I don't know how to get it to stop. I can't see my therapist until at least Monday and don't know how to manage myself until then. Any advice at all is greatly appreciated.",4.4056233421750655,4.810080665024637,5.962068965517242,80.13021220159152,69.935960591133,9.201818870784386,28.423266388783627,9.265573868473778,2.2817543766578248,777,26,158,15,13,266,103,203,0.127,0.809,0.064,-0.8927,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,7,5,3,0,13,0,19,5,4,4,2,27,31,17,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,7,1,3,4,0,0,1,9,4,0,0,9,1,17,1,35,22,4,35,0,0,1,0,4,16,0,2,17,108,20,1,0.13524368547884566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3964756925950008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14924476997318914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197034382920267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456552945912414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292282824231972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855883794428704,0.08722098870291065,0.13943030119838873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14130086617427134,0.0,0.0,0.11835266055365125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838805386795294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13974288001560534,0.0,0.08932717874520175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229427562690302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361027838171801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706592436854301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14910664069257945,0.0,0.0,0.23919108883962575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879903910550093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115927022731428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865278522248065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061919419221574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25821080186309825,0.09376094274294168,0.11808956956799728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549736843999125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777170726765342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522791074867052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087037514481416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15702834274708746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736837940393956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026071082754114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393106892154635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lunamoon1,2019/02/09,"It was my first time going out with friends since I was r*ped and nearly killed and i had an amazing time [tw; rape] my trauma happened quite recently as i was raped and nearly killed by two of my ex’s friends however i managed to go out and have a lovely time with my best friend and some other friends. my paranoia was really high that i would see them(they live local and have them around town before which has led me to have panic attacks public) but they’re on bail at the moment and reminded myself that they were not allowed to speak to me. i had a really lovely time and it was nice to see friends as i rarely go out anymore. just sharing my little victory as it’s a massive thing for me especially after being diagnosed. i’m going to hopefully start trauma therapy soon so hopefully from now i can start managing my symptoms a little better. trying to stay positive after everything! ✌️ ",6.590628571428571,6.565484662857145,7.148142857142857,74.98335714285717,65.22857142857143,10.2,32.92857142857143,9.888512548439397,3.1896285714285733,716,27,129,14,10,236,108,175,0.08800000000000001,0.672,0.24,0.9866,2,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,4,5,22,5,1,6,0,15,6,0,2,0,23,29,13,2,3,3,1,0,0,5,1,2,1,0,0,8,14,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,8,0,2,8,3,21,14,26,19,2,32,0,0,2,4,13,13,0,3,13,94,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955987444030218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10732104278396552,0.0,0.13715067629618638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025848916638457,0.0,0.12651684279920442,0.10662262436102292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236253592293528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083486088925821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10254548681050044,0.0,0.0,0.4657091248309286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27406065514726524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660791180993608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12737479664077775,0.0,0.2394800554093729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667563035838367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24165901522666966,0.10645379491656262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21761429831587992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14144733878568985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282269142971872,0.0,0.0,0.154463447288761,0.0,0.11903521967415034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921361990487809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972576688267007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17066133777189907,0.12849742590143548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253045953134581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137867119121855,0.0,0.08009252973471813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811903781787252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185010121670967,0.0,0.11776640057940775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564003692177592,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Awkward-Octopus,2019/02/09,"Nightmares are back I'm sorry this is so long I used to have frequently recurring trauma nightmares. I did a lot of work with my therapist to get over them. We did one-on-one trauma therapy, and then I went through group therapy as well. In a one-on-one session with my therapist, well after I was finished with group therapy and was still having some nightmares, she told me that she used to have a recurring nightmare, too, where a monster would show up, but one day she was absolutely sick of it and told the monster ""Go away"" basically. She said that it had worked, after a few tries, and she no longer saw the monster. So I tried it. Whenever my abuser showed up in a dream, I would tell him off in different ways - fuck you, I hate you, you're not welcome, etc., etc. He never *stopped* showing up in dreams, but I stopped being afraid, at least for a while. About 8 months ago some things happened, and as a result I cannot see my therapist until I get those things fixed. I thought I was fine, honestly. We had cut back on sessions a bit because I seemed good, and a few times she had mentioned the possibility of graduating me (although I do remember at my last session, she had decided she wanted to try EMDR therapy). A few nights ago, I had a very abuser-centric dream. It started off with me just being annoyed, but then every time I tried to tell him off - I was suddenly powerless. My mouth would fill up with goop and I couldn't speak. I tried and tried to spit it out and speak but I just.. couldn't. I could talk to other people in the dream fine, but as soon as I tried talking to or about him .. nothing. The dream left me feeling really gross, and then it happened again the next night.. and I just don't know what to do at this point. I'm absolutely terrified to go to sleep tonight. And I know, nothing that I have described is very ""nightmare""ish, but it's the tone of them, I guess.. the way they leave me feeling. I hate it.",3.379654576856652,4.8402250310880826,4.284994818652852,87.2582348877375,73.30051813471503,7.63371329879102,27.37443868739205,8.238735603445708,1.6840786873920548,1506,56,316,24,30,486,181,386,0.15,0.768,0.08199999999999999,-0.9859,3,0,0,0,2,0,70.0,2,2,3,2,16,16,5,1,20,0,31,5,3,3,1,56,59,31,0,7,11,0,2,0,0,3,1,3,0,0,18,20,0,2,8,8,0,4,7,9,2,1,18,7,56,7,50,33,10,61,0,0,2,1,32,22,1,6,33,226,74,6,0.0,0.09651875942803158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444217124571161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653592146194213,0.1252779933455304,0.0,0.04965827854378985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893504634791996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06504051569973131,0.0,0.0,0.05253603864130688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511010796572095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817025931781016,0.0,0.0,0.06863497123344107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237893701734955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531000218678183,0.08512072178561299,0.0,0.09259308983237542,0.06832618471486472,0.0,0.0,0.0897392146802613,0.0,0.14407257327404618,0.0,0.0,0.16085307010807326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953840795346914,0.06640213441218086,0.0,0.08625614745587476,0.08850834389884672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07209101538873439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.069255799590184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06502192860525376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282826263055663,0.0,0.08663541127464383,0.15289251974354984,0.0,0.15632934072239302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656016095495976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056475265692833926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07700760983723548,0.09183579421537158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052186432390090375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09228019324316747,0.0,0.0774887036592071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06491440491162549,0.07415964579511711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152050164798275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911896713230912,0.057658990017139276,0.0,0.06505539569166027,0.13621120914205145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095161087858684,0.14240218205095925,0.0,0.3726340809897347,0.2837498360781389,0.10823902900829004,0.0,0.0,0.06467146741976375,0.09500191091899653,0.0,0.0,0.15568023521396812,0.0,0.3871498912875901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071345721100434,0.0,0.13442881986833505,0.04804820415693446,0.129320965427677,0.0,0.0,0.1464876507709344,0.0755157851497272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861013338861555,0.0,0.0,0.17360410149391864,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tinysunflowers,2019/02/09,"Do you guys have any tips for possibly self soothing after nightmares? I've been having a really hard time with nightmares the past couple of weeks. I was recently put on prazosin but I haven't noticed a difference. I am very uncomfortable with taking a sleep aid. I don't want to be groggy if I actually need to wake up in the night. You know? I have started to accept the fact that I might be struggling nightly for a while. I'm constantly waking up sweaty, crying and nauseous and honestly it sucks a lot. What do yall do to possibly help get back to sleep afterwards?? I am so exhausted. Even when I do sleep I don't feel very rested, but having some bad sleep has to be better than having no sleep I'm guessing. 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I’ve been using Reddit for a long time now but I’ve never really interacted with it so this is my first time- I hope I’ve gotten everything right. Anyways, next week is the anniversary of when my high school was shot up. It’s going to be one year. It’s been a really really rough year for me. I used to be perfect in academics and a social teenager but now my grades aren’t great and I’ve isolated myself. I lost a really good friend in the shooting and it hasn’t been the same since. I also lost my mother when I was young, so I think those losses have kind of compounded together to create one big ball of gross sadness. I was also diagnosed with depression recently and ptsd about six months ago because of the shooting. This part is kind of triggering. I have never had to be scared for my life until a year ago. I have never had to worry about telling my dad goodbye forever until a year ago. There’s a part of me gone but I’m not sure what that part is. Sometimes I’m walking to school and I smell gunpowder, sometimes I’m in Walmart and I imagine a person shooting up the place. It’s so hard to return to school everyday, where it happened. I see the building everyday with locks on the doors and the windows boarded up. I can’t help but think of the horror that ensued within those concrete walls. Lately, I’ve been pushing everyone away. I don’t know why. I don’t want to. All my loved ones have good intentions and want to help but I don’t want them to... even though I do? I feel like a burden all the time to my father because he is a single parent and doesn’t make enough money to pay for the amount of therapy and support I need. My dad always tells me I’m not a burden but I can’t help but think I am. I just don’t know who to talk to anymore. There aren’t really any support groups for school shooting survivors. The school admin seems to have moved on. It all just feels so isolating. I’m just a kid. I don’t know why I have to deal with this. I wish I could reverse time and do something. Thanks for listening to me vent. I hope whatever you’re going through gets better too, you deserve it. 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Hi, all. I was diagnosed with PTSD years ago after being raped and have been picking up the pieces ever since. Today I met with a gynaecologist to talk about pain I experience randomly and with intercourse. She has referred me to receive pelvic physical therapy and it's sort of freaking me out. I 100% plan on making and attending the appointment and will of course ask the doctor about what to expect and will share my concerns and hesitations with her. To clarify: I'm not looking for medical advice, just some support. I am just wondering if there is anyone who reads this sub who has had any experiences with this type of PT?",5.2505785123966975,7.508685504132234,6.195115702479343,72.19812809917359,69.99173553719008,10.129256198347107,31.10826446280992,10.355215969177356,3.7939877685950414,530,23,88,16,10,175,89,121,0.107,0.8540000000000001,0.039,-0.8609,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,4,0,11,5,0,2,2,27,18,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,6,13,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,1,10,2,19,11,3,10,0,0,1,1,10,3,0,5,5,66,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905725585715747,0.17287461672034024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262117247229901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636342836363946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231859080648352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19794251568756724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996125656751536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640793223654802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3815365087162459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376877575047274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301782330054709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19646344381221806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075164146431669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279694649744849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507407686752296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16132363575776126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.221307861646508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567507347364332,0.0,0.0,0.4460477087000673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848573904221223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114922822446588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255873240343797 ptsd,hrasdg4,2019/02/09,"Childhood PTSD - and no one to talk to without being judged Hello everyone, I would like to share my traumatic childhood experience with you guys in hopes of getting judged by those I talk to about it. First things first, this is a throwaway account, and I apologize for my bad English , as it is not my first language, and I'm not the best writer out there. A little bit of background first, I was born in 1985 in Indonesia (the country with the most Muslim citizens) to parents of Chinese descent, and I'm currently studying for my masters degree in Australia. In May 1998, when I was still 13 years old, a massive race and hate fuelled riot broke out in my country. I was living in Jakarta (Indonesia's capital city) at the time, and my big family from my mom's side all live not far from each other (family from dad's side live in a different state/province in a different island). My family were merchants, and they live off opening different kinds of shops in the city - one of my uncles owns a car workshop and spareparts store, my dad owns an electronics store, my other uncle owns a restaurant, and so on. I lived in a riverside home near the local river in an area called Glodok (which is sort of a shopping district in and of itself), and I went to a primary school not far from my house, which was a few houses down my uncle's car workshop (I'll refer to him as Uncle A from now on). I vividly remember I was in school when the riots broke out. I saw one of the shops near my house's area was burning,and I immediately started getting worried. I remember the teacher telling the students ""Finish whatever work you can, and go home immediately."" After I finished my work, I went home and as soon as I get home, my parents locked all the doors and windows. From my house, I can see one of my classmate's house across the river, his house was looted and his family car was burning. I also heard the masses shouting ""Kill the Chinese! Burn them alive! Loot their houses! They have no place in our Muslim country!"" When I asked my parents what was going on, they only replied with ""You wouldn't understand - this is a political issue."" As the day goes on, I saw lots of people taking various items from the houses they looted, I saw a guy carrying a fridge on his back, and I even noticed some stuff from my uncle's car workshop getting taken. The next day was even worse, the masses started burning the cars on my street, including my uncle's car. Many people died during the raid, and unfortunately my aunt were among the victims. She was raped before she was beaten to death and burned alive as I found out years later. I remembered having to carry a machete with me all the time, and taking turns with my dad watching the house entrance in case someone tries to get in. Schools were canceled until the situation died down, and it was a very traumatic experience overall. Thankfully nothing else happened to my family, and when I returned to school some of my classmates weren't there - either dead or fled to another country. Lately I got triggers from this traumatic event approaching my home country's presidential election, because one of the candidates is the mastermind who orchestrated the May 1998 riots. There has been a string of hate crimes towards the Chinese descents in Indonesia which I won't go into. I'm really worried about the safety of my family, and everytime I try to talk about this to a friend they judge me as being Islamophobic with the political situation in the West nowadays. I really don't know who to talk to about this without getting judged, and I hope this subreddit can give me some advice and input. Thank you very much.",9.16796038350217,7.548217989869759,8.866584207670043,69.95439150687412,60.852387843704776,11.589743125904489,38.95988603473228,10.341088651717358,4.002551700434154,2905,120,510,51,32,939,301,691,0.11699999999999999,0.8370000000000001,0.045,-0.9947,7,0,0,0,0,0,85.0,1,4,7,10,19,18,6,0,52,0,37,1,0,1,3,68,76,39,5,4,8,8,0,1,1,5,0,2,7,3,21,37,0,0,7,3,7,13,12,9,0,9,28,8,79,9,103,41,19,101,0,2,6,1,44,54,0,11,35,365,100,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05007872435072184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0409828203926178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05373775159998998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04790974378181951,0.0,0.0,0.039406369139078704,0.04278974444640904,0.03124016282270042,0.0,0.04360807475544563,0.0,0.05378136925551872,0.0,0.055949288014553636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052329699488654915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610113960220464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637418139456477,0.16062902553269706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042810932980548194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769733295067114,0.0,0.0,0.048969437110792456,0.0,0.1002602987174649,0.28987100019858386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17436529618101185,0.0,0.056190530850684726,0.039593897308910934,0.0,0.16064905708461474,0.04916152741931619,0.08737586020232914,0.0,0.04098752048049531,0.0,0.0,0.10148669208853583,0.04531823070948465,0.0,0.0,0.10119311921528294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2570284416724097,0.10180119108524384,0.0,0.5321973774492921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05348935368769588,0.0,0.0,0.05669806069634939,0.053366662640289435,0.02816443224955047,0.0,0.05780971286101581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025037070110364816,0.051363725351800615,0.2262635838196445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356901848109327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051957191624004286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002076479771666,0.0,0.0,0.0376730050559057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450258111635565,0.0,0.0,0.04917361416210148,0.058345921882081986,0.053775910189220295,0.0,0.17363406457557873,0.038976235772073965,0.0,0.0,0.17071373995969702,0.0,0.0,0.07105749725672028,0.0,0.053543008510899034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05990589664330408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566126304860212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17416118802938246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074619029344346,0.04083783486754583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520927359296496,0.0,0.0,0.043422066290292036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725468658660602,0.0,0.040926532564162565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05866643177600653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706388516075417,0.1647640540795011,0.04479280679914078,0.09436411616446193,0.0,0.0,0.03404673892398597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059765969594777424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695877389878263,0.05574285383691016,0.0,0.05335073232536302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845695490037369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501438603761536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988020363416872,0.0,0.07461796880886751,0.10408918910926654,0.05222585233094516,0.03640494298499243,0.0,0.0,0.06600376286494976 ptsd,Arequin,2019/02/09,"I don't know what to do anymore I'm so sick of the therapy, the adjusting to meds, the hurting my girlfriend with my meltdowns, watching her feel helpless while my shame compounds on itself, watching my friends slowly get sick of my shit and put me into the too hard basket... The list goes on How do you get through days where you desperately want to die? I'm not gonna kill myself because I fucking refuse but how do I stop feeling so shaky and nauseous and useless? Why can't I stop crying? Why does my throat hurt so fucking much? Why can't shit that happened in the past just fucking stay there and why does it have to completely rule how my life operates now? Fucking why man?",5.882388888888888,6.0088341555555616,5.763101851851853,83.80020833333336,66.7037037037037,8.231481481481481,34.65277777777778,7.645422480735847,2.3771666666666667,541,24,107,5,8,169,86,135,0.27399999999999997,0.659,0.067,-0.9842,0,0,0,0,0,2,13.0,0,2,0,0,11,14,7,2,6,0,7,10,3,3,0,21,21,12,2,1,3,0,3,0,2,1,3,0,0,1,4,6,0,3,4,0,0,1,4,13,0,0,0,5,16,1,12,20,1,13,0,4,2,4,7,5,6,1,6,64,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147609145830485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466810662443232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842729854761872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13454832318758145,0.07899521791588507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712415686714226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21438175261245265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386815316996305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463463307529048,0.4529561183406821,0.12799080670168805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831654437433318,0.0,0.10972600994863342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262253837073569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551583791353627,0.0,0.06731670517088079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651754418291259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605757313119832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09004344741548917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169295307514107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231351927928602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514662252395485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305568873673708,0.0,0.2048124378434271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400767510834226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07224713655626994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5526359762454276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mama_madness,2019/02/09,"Nightmares I don’t even have nightmares about my specific abuse but the nightmares pull the exact same emotions (fight or flight, literally seeing people I know being attacked and being forced to take drastic protection methods to save them, etc). I have had a significant relapse since I was struck by my ex (separated 5 years, unrelated to abuse) last Thursday. I’m taking prazosin and it’s doing nothing. I know I am over medicating because I can’t make it through the nights. My work performance is declining due to my “attitude problem” aka the face I make when I’m trying not to break under stress (Employer is a narcissist, so that’s great and helps a ton /s) and the significant ups and downs. I jump at the sight of my shadow or if anyone moves to quickly. I can’t listen to unfamiliar music or sounds that are unpredictable. I usually sit in quiet darkness or with white noise. I can’t keep doing this. I can’t handle it anymore. There is so much more to my store and I swear to god I am doing my best to fix this (CBT, Medication therapy) when does it end? When do I get to stop fighting every single day of my life? When? ",3.6032948810382126,5.6886397260274,5.015765440999762,79.63167988464312,74.11415525114155,7.898197548666188,27.964671953857252,8.6894789155246,2.310967123287672,896,36,165,18,19,299,137,219,0.133,0.7509999999999999,0.11599999999999999,-0.2784,1,0,1,0,5,0,27.0,0,0,1,3,10,8,3,1,9,0,21,4,1,2,1,24,33,18,0,2,7,1,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,8,7,0,3,2,0,1,3,6,5,0,0,2,6,25,3,23,29,7,25,0,0,3,0,6,6,0,5,14,115,33,2,0.0,0.3709729236525575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15525579413324347,0.10946358354567916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17809852397350853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543158699982518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428984215627426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096196826079958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699818972586553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609797427273371,0.13865706603428715,0.0,0.17459492492957518,0.10339997194962858,0.0,0.13190034815078688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179105080544027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725972171257477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10493234104534327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13914906639918412,0.0,0.0,0.17207186030225208,0.1276093584585726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105760801761272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20899703176167544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315415839180308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1663881538476972,0.11508245587392073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691181639192924,0.0,0.15021419909490671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853224053168324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497974586798453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475029061675733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949999492218034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088302934351992,0.17932779681603814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354126290250665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902886870974186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10628735203826048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724179969377274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397045563666727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081323637636867 ptsd,ItsTooPeopleyOutside,2019/02/09,"Feeling the need to reach out to abuser during a bad moment of PTSD... Does anyone else randomly have an overwhelming urge to reach out to the person(s) who abused you? Every few months, I'll have a really bad episode of PTSD. I can't sleep, constant high anxiety, panic attacks, high alert all day long, can't leave the house, etc. Sometimes, in those really bad days, I get the urge to reach out to him via Facebook or something. I know it sounds crazy... I'll start to fall back into my old way of thinking: maybe I just overreacted, maybe he didn't mean it, he's going to be upset at me that I haven't talked to him/I blocked him, I should tell him I'm sorry for running away, It was all my fault anyway.... The next day, after I survive the night managing to not message him, I feel like shit. I start to second guess myself all over again. I start to tell myself I must have wanted it *because* I thought about reaching out. No one would ever *want* to reach out to someone who did what he did to you! It makes me feel absolutely crazy...I just needed to vent it off my chest. Even if I am the only one who goes through this, I at least know I won't be judged here. Thanks for reading.",1.9491814409656705,3.8465958174273887,3.077293474160694,92.51115711052437,78.37759336099585,5.87559411542814,21.327989437947945,6.782984794422108,0.3245253112033195,916,25,199,9,22,294,141,241,0.17300000000000001,0.76,0.067,-0.9839,0,0,1,0,2,0,47.0,0,2,0,1,9,11,2,3,10,0,17,3,3,1,5,34,38,2,0,8,5,0,3,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,1,8,1,0,3,7,9,0,3,5,4,28,2,36,27,6,35,0,1,0,0,16,14,1,4,18,125,41,2,0.0,0.2600930084404464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396535855913409,0.0,0.0,0.07674606674457106,0.11246109834039597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486674348895828,0.10312222299977522,0.08439792008753792,0.2749326196185527,0.06690808676451394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11861052027919368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212356485248078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605086798751808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168958672170936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241033344497575,0.07249480504465182,0.0992833276792847,0.09247671778065067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664923924214812,0.07841187392739121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573445637434615,0.0,0.0623785869141226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209119473747273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319328856206956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664718564836072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064138636671208,0.0,0.0,0.11621896624670885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362271857482925,0.0,0.0,0.0971332888295332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07326500571902714,0.0,0.2205353992153466,0.11955976210286727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760861166139662,0.0,0.0,0.1627698619889014,0.0,0.0,0.1167299750298761,0.1030014156413594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1151736399455182,0.0,0.14875112045774944,0.08347668927311483,0.0,0.12877857438490534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583735257169604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566048681029073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978873370275632,0.0,0.14062889204697454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126660684011983,0.0,0.0,0.10983829800987016,0.0,0.09299847108140656,0.08449786467439786,0.10855448853639728,0.1228662494921688,0.23306402194866974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822015180098383,0.19186846245021968,0.10105136947622878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032915541369286,0.0,0.08713641068919252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294774408974468,0.0871216102233149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796966673064562,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Ahzidahl1997,2019/02/09,"Not letting PTSD affect relationships? I have PTSD from a couple different sexual assaults, and with that came severe trust issues. I find myself questioning whether my new boyfriend hates me, is cheating on me, or was using me whenever he doesn’t text me for a couple hours- how do I get over this bump? It’s affecting my mood badly. ",4.0960215053763465,6.752040967741934,4.807741935483873,78.99827956989247,74.80645161290323,8.004301075268819,26.46236559139785,8.841846274778883,2.443862365591398,268,10,45,6,6,86,53,62,0.254,0.698,0.048,-0.9211,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,2,0,6,0,0,4,0,12,10,4,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,10,1,5,7,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,2,31,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039853539467895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334135083742301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516219653013586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21322048890263215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18652570719159134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662353948712673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20148705641253745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009779976637512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21300682314208694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868594504526197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710203624217604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4771179254089089,0.0,0.22861665449449295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191058792825137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23055266248187295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762598641855442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Chatting619,2019/07/27,"I went to treatment for PTSD. In April this year I went to a treatment center for PTSD, anxiety and depression. I’m doing so much better and and learned a lot of coping skills but still struggling with addiction :(",5.25416666666667,6.969516750000004,5.245000000000001,81.20666666666669,69.0,8.333333333333334,30.833333333333336,8.841846274778883,2.6228333333333333,170,7,30,3,3,53,30,40,0.254,0.6990000000000001,0.047,-0.8466,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,7,2,2,7,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,21,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759262932870438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19362777852069915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22385444159946305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180025079913976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21518431645593195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606432103385126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5917420162431728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021332644560822,0.0,0.0,0.2646046006044918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.469269366760159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16299397015079653 ptsd,_georgie,2019/07/27,"May be triggering, contains a bit of a rant - Do any of you have access to printables and PDF resources r.e PTSD, specifically flashbacks? Hi everyone. My PTSD is quite disabling already, but never like this. It has never really been addressed medically due to more pressing issues regarding my mental state, which arose way before the trauma did. I have been accepted for EMDR therapy though, and had my initial assessment a few days ago. I never talk about my trauma. I used to be able to get the flashbacks out of my head before they caused any real damage, I was really really good at running from it, blocking it out, and being in complete denial. I've struggled to leave the house lately, and have completely shut down, but NEVER have I suffered this badly from PTSD in eleven years. I took a bunch of Valium before the EMDR assessment appointment and let it all spill out, everything I could remember. That night, I had my first in depth, distressing, full on and unstoppable flashback attack that I had refused to let happen when it should have happened years ago. Full on pale, sweating, shaking, dissociated, banging my head to stop the visions kind of thing. Could hardly walk, thought I was dying. This has now happened two nights in a row. If it happens again tonight, I don't know how I'll cope. In the past, I've had a lot of issues with Valium, Xanax and Klonopin. I have stopped buying street Klonopin and Xanax, nobody will legally script them to me either. I've also stopped buying street Valium, but I still get it prescribed by any means necessary, and currently have a surplus from a script happy dentist. These days, I'm doing better with the benzos. Recently, I've had two small slips after almost a year sober from alcohol. But I'm terrified if it happens again soon, I will either get completely and utterly fucked up, or I might break completely. I've been having thoughts about refusing to drink any liquids and waiting to die, and it scares me, because I love control, I have to be in control all the time, and I am controlling enough of myself and others to be able to stick to dehydration as a method of ending my life. Obviously, I will sedate myself to within an inch of my life until I can see a mental health professional. But until then. I need something. A PDF of a workbook or popular self help book, resources that have helped any of you guys, printable. I'm so scared. And almost angry at myself for seeking treatment. Because although I can't bare living with such anxiety and avoidance, I also can't bare facing up to and reliving my trauma. Thanks for reading. <3",6.581558693615309,7.560120773858928,6.729472627492977,74.50898875652527,65.32780082987551,9.455869361531256,32.76830410922233,9.536714749202195,3.176433061169856,2071,83,346,39,31,664,256,482,0.18,0.7440000000000001,0.076,-0.9948,1,1,4,0,0,0,70.0,0,2,2,6,14,23,2,6,22,0,46,15,4,7,7,73,69,37,2,6,11,0,2,1,0,6,8,0,1,2,19,23,2,12,6,3,2,4,7,14,0,4,14,3,42,9,61,40,12,67,0,2,1,2,13,25,1,9,36,249,61,4,0.1377191914662903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12207975373434475,0.07358996629843842,0.13790587675749885,0.0,0.07598827619384513,0.11013398765901893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341344319734561,0.0,0.05267740225885425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833773104045752,0.0,0.0,0.05749488616994091,0.08395234085452992,0.0,0.17578333266010174,0.0,0.0,0.06090071661027459,0.07517684406166061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073777306656244,0.0,0.0,0.2887919040702777,0.0,0.2316956755949804,0.1099575680732312,0.0,0.0,0.08881748527131175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293077768578275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06745618869659402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06098916320872282,0.07115036972254893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579829463616653,0.061886564552586426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857193695367247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365958666654961,0.10792889008669228,0.0,0.0,0.057756161879570875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0681818258660328,0.30446156547256525,0.07330232009691277,0.0616846723739009,0.0,0.1413396224321138,0.07319453024446923,0.0,0.0,0.09231027104389007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945472820975341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374305532155948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170667255598848,0.037843432980932686,0.0,0.0776766232998619,0.0729123693406785,0.0,0.14082720403497734,0.0972751377730003,0.03364132024268398,0.0,0.06080428459864324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585419658498739,0.062148473607276385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500828663561426,0.0,0.06936879830425359,0.1387885530984935,0.07304914928118593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05105851771935775,0.21243506115529825,0.0,0.0,0.12924013183722866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573427575295306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414795474692811,0.0,0.0,0.07324065615737807,0.06887823011768922,0.07837729522835367,0.13233966083212065,0.0,0.06799054350295362,0.0,0.07800449858970318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788093596495826,0.0,0.054872182517403084,0.0,0.07183557606947745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053011480970842295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054991362102055685,0.17270911608450076,0.0,0.07198700048142223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553467346951747,0.0,0.06339666417262431,0.07874694889412595,0.0,0.04574725566178385,0.0,0.06765420318855135,0.10933365464126853,0.04015258402619707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07650554453263501,0.0,0.0,0.13453163868137566,0.0,0.0,0.05947258175784511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05465754194261607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302996600485176 ptsd,its_guyhorn,2019/07/27,"What is wrong with me ? Hello there, I would like to ask a question... I’m really frustrated, I wanna know what’s wrong with me and how to cope with it... Please do not make fun of me even if it sounds bizarre... Lately I’ve been experiencing something very weird. Every up and then, I will get these feeling as if I forgot how to breath... I start to shake and In my mind I immediately start panicking... Sometimes, when it’s really severe, I will notice small visual changes to my surroundings, like a very odd colour change... I soon start getting something I’d like to refer to as ‘ticks’ (small movements of random body parts of mine I cannot controll). But worst then all I get these pain In my left testicle as if someone was pressing on it! Now I don’t know why it happens, and what it is that i am experimenting. I did a little research and I think I catch some kind of PTSD, but I’m still not sure! It’s not that I’ve experienced anything traumatic lately or before, the only thing I know happen is that i fell down the stairs, but it wasn’t really that bad after all... It always catches me in a bad timing. Before I go to sleep, during my sleep, after watching tv, after leaving the house, when being in poky rooms... But worst then all I am a diabetic and I start to get it every time I’m on a hypoglycemia... This makes it difficult for me to take care of my glucose levels since the shaking and weekends and stress becomes much stronger... I’m a diabetic for 5 years and Ive never experienced something as odd as this in my entire life! It has certainly nothing to do with my diabetes (remember I have it under almost perfect controll)... I’ll be get if some of you can help me out, maybe give me some advice... have you ever experienced a similar thing? Feel free to share!",3.339973694860383,4.905343150141643,4.803839538648322,83.07614376770542,73.58923512747876,7.535774989882637,25.638304330230675,8.192908349453996,1.5722910562525296,1384,46,276,22,28,463,181,353,0.134,0.763,0.10300000000000001,-0.8816,0,0,3,0,0,0,65.0,0,2,0,3,10,24,1,3,12,0,23,9,4,6,8,58,52,30,0,6,12,0,3,3,0,3,5,1,1,0,26,14,0,3,9,2,1,7,7,13,0,0,5,10,39,12,44,42,10,49,0,0,2,0,8,19,0,11,26,188,65,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09199847389666407,0.0,0.0,0.0942737142227323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833709247395297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747421397034206,0.0,0.08801388952799984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721611277189598,0.0,0.1039769646439062,0.16022278438946755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457508722311754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959882178063932,0.0,0.1991881692160805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21118570067509307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06218260747536719,0.08516053240127544,0.1586442901342415,0.0,0.0,0.09209294559734016,0.0,0.0,0.0952061882613802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24593724308310985,0.09031351248748222,0.05350539507706584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650616081076072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310414259950271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086319527058712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980386697848061,0.1552206941401824,0.0,0.2124017905236897,0.09968712040622538,0.10229000709443356,0.0,0.06649817074521505,0.13798507874517044,0.0943591197115815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568649821185754,0.0,0.09458240597643336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09506071736609184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920821201378463,0.0,0.07261127196725589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033571676494824,0.1071859525345148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160234721944721,0.10017808229461583,0.0,0.0,0.10195104582615212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334414017136502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005174632639833,0.0,0.10546517213686732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093719657153406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664917233461303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10635828911515073,0.0,0.07787862221307798,0.0,0.18842817127939945,0.0,0.07976968031712793,0.21743478922324805,0.09311289472659974,0.0,0.26654836089359485,0.0,0.07518519264620227,0.0,0.1078440331131459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873157985172173,0.0,0.07078614640505483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12509296363974626,0.060325015874863525,0.0,0.0,0.10979468956051186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15536077540602924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495220675848797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687868431828567,0.20586794997273175,0.0,0.060626998128848725 ptsd,Maldfriend,2019/07/27,"A commitment to getting help I’ve realised that I’m not getting better. The more time goes by I think that I’m getting worse (other than the first few months - at least I sleep now). The reaction to being triggered is what is getting worse. There’s the day to day triggers which have my heart racing, I’m always on edge, I’m irritable, no sex drive etc, but I feel like I’m just like that now, but it’s the irregular yet serious incidents that trigger me which are terrible. Out of control. I had my first full blown panic attack a few hours ago and felt like abandoning my car, my life, walking for however many hours it took to reach the airport and leaving my entire life. I was screaming about how I felt like I was going to snap, that I was losing it. A day of small triggers over and over, then a big trigger, and I was in meltdown. I need help and this post is my commitment to get help. It has been 2yrs and 2months and I really need help",1.775756578947366,3.933213812500004,3.2239692982456165,89.94690789473688,80.14583333333334,6.333771929824562,24.167763157894736,7.475848149327749,1.1072562499999994,740,27,155,11,19,242,109,192,0.16,0.69,0.15,-0.2507,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,5,7,12,1,1,10,0,13,5,2,7,2,28,31,11,0,2,4,0,3,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,14,8,0,2,4,0,0,5,2,7,0,2,9,4,18,5,18,21,6,29,0,2,0,1,4,9,0,0,18,99,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157360405668839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863870508395733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14853402862108414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547218261099927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14643727721461475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25260660586139216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14561202977989324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601647241461553,0.09327408724480647,0.2507215174605598,0.0,0.0,0.22211329443218225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34106835953033765,0.0,0.07420184554476178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471754138898308,0.3500539589070315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571561075334354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824714873202362,0.0,0.0,0.184440727427154,0.2551455477410873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606637157612956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237018206961884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421397778438928,0.0,0.0,0.19362131712394107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1531873092787224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504306726846454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364187009531393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065708646219246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083659367508354,0.0,0.0,0.0761322160566218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14506006990952114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2661092859604966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dead3ye108,2019/07/27,"Been dealing with ptsd for quite some time. But it’s recently been triggered I’ve been dealing with ptsd since for a few years. Domestic violence between my ex husband and myself and my daughter. We got away. Child custody battle. I won full custody but he and his abusive mother have her across the country alone. I have tried my best to protect my daughter. And I did everything right. And I have proof of things not being right with my ex and they still let her go across the country. I’ve been an absolute mess for a few days. For the past few years it has not been that bad because he lives very far away. But there are times where I have a severe anxiety attack. There is someone on my block that bought a truck, which is the same as my ex husbands and it was parked near my house and I blacked out. I don’t remember pulling into my driveway. All I remember is not being able to breathe and I snapped out of it and i was tearing really badly. My daughter is there now. And it’s been awful. One second I’m fine. The next I’ll be tearing up even if I’m not thinking about her. I’m getting sick for no reason. I’m not really eating if I do I get sick again. I have a support group here plus my parents as well. But it’s not really helping. I reached out to a therapist because It’s like I can’t function. I feel broken, and my head is so cluttered I can’t focus on anything.",1.0784972739663807,3.3502989964788727,2.6082553384825107,92.67995229441163,83.6830985915493,5.3546569741026815,24.302135393003184,6.6834051587181325,0.8129297137664704,1081,43,228,12,31,352,150,284,0.18899999999999997,0.723,0.08800000000000001,-0.9852,1,1,0,0,1,0,27.0,1,0,1,3,12,11,2,0,12,1,29,5,2,2,2,44,42,22,0,2,12,10,1,1,0,0,2,0,1,1,11,21,1,2,5,0,1,2,10,5,1,2,12,2,36,6,30,26,8,30,0,0,1,0,23,17,0,3,12,164,47,0,0.1240468172602003,0.14697519416766971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847509211887687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489547567298354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10207996113132577,0.0,0.0,0.14112116261346094,0.2330921363749625,0.0,0.2071478219464976,0.1512355768817736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017948163413218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07999993499568077,0.25577364343559794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693086237906356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08193175288696566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148528076851724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272179799658098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12961868434976226,0.0,0.0704986649089974,0.0,0.09921157165539693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273078220166115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314596681482711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313337227377862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684627507755686,0.0,0.060603009066569374,0.0,0.10953561228380164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13192519743668224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08405733373237546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377393106163616,0.0,0.1184167232648048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2900081823801088,0.0,0.0,0.13193905938077272,0.0,0.0,0.2384027026115267,0.12754078811172614,0.12248126692490773,0.0,0.28104172494794,0.2118706083198333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013759498128095,0.0,0.10261280910207736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051044657174306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09906394850180217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076685820558407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440279157466976,0.08241119342647307,0.07948419170938624,0.0,0.0,0.14466539340500448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08421964627273737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235161547331847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153298614078012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976416656181824 ptsd,splitters_throwaway,2019/07/27,"Podcast interest I am starting a podcast dedicated to revealing the stories of people who have been abused physically, sexually, systematically, etc. I have a firm belief that in order to achieve justice and social change, people have to be shocked into action through exposure to the injustices that are occurring in society today. Those of you who have shared your stories on this sub are active contributors to this cause and I commend your bravery. If you would like to share your stories on my podcast, which can be completely anonymous (fake name and distorted voice if requested), then please PM me and we can chat about it. Thank you",7.529932432432433,9.55905572072072,7.468096846846848,66.23295608108111,63.864864864864856,10.595045045045048,39.100225225225216,10.686352973137794,4.888773873873875,519,28,77,14,8,166,77,111,0.064,0.706,0.231,0.9628,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,1,6,0,1,1,7,0,0,4,0,13,0,0,1,0,13,15,7,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,1,12,5,15,11,1,10,1,0,0,0,15,5,0,2,4,61,21,1,0.0,0.3276289463460516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840604450227362,0.29251967625112096,0.0,0.2899241566170531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083909775885356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13509286460427705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38340591825267,0.0,0.0,0.3035340356242168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28187556468112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957210625026587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545808817148809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621069979260389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19643065310433594,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blame_stamos,2019/07/27,"Insomnia, Meds Not Helping Hi everyone. My wife and I have been experiencing some PTSD over the past 2 years. Our daughter was born a trimester prematurely and we had a 10 month NICU stay. Our daughter's home now but since we are responsible for her care, which is quite intensive since she is on a ventilator, we are constantly on high alert, day and night. We've had a lot of scary moments at home. We do not have a night nurse half of the week and so my wife and I need to take turns staying up. Since I work, I go to bed at 9:00 and wake up at 3:00 a.m. and then my wife can go to sleep until 10:00 a.m. Over the past two months however, She has been unable to get more than 2 hours of sleep, if that. She is incredibly exhausted and has a hard time getting through the day. Even on nights when we do have a night nurse it's difficult for her to get a good night's rest. She has recently had a QEEG and has been prescribed many different meds including Xanax and Valium, among others. Nothing seems to be working for her. She might get an hour or two and then her eyes will open and her heart will race and she won't be able to fall back asleep. She is in a very fragile place right now. Looking for advice. Thank you.",2.5819449225473363,4.2787328514056275,3.345932300631098,92.19277108433737,75.90763052208834,7.313138267355135,23.10212277682157,8.11559375814309,0.946470109007458,956,28,218,16,21,302,146,249,0.057,0.8740000000000001,0.069,0.5949,2,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,7,1,0,3,6,5,0,0,15,0,29,9,6,0,0,29,42,21,0,2,5,5,2,0,0,4,3,0,3,0,4,19,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,3,7,5,27,3,29,29,4,48,0,0,2,0,27,16,0,6,27,137,31,2,0.10177781525534822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994561031353586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782608575617548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376926578863686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998566105974757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13127654194224378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063361546381043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722328708672079,0.0,0.0,0.0972530640689379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21269883098603404,0.0,0.11568535576057475,0.08536640262044799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911729312685411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060720111866198,0.0682195241813907,0.10753384980708912,0.20418289431386616,0.0,0.20046129289374667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546773141670921,0.0,0.0,0.08652785892098104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031867300091496,0.0,0.0,0.22610441716530755,0.0,0.0,0.10797017817114783,0.0,0.0,0.1624761622396438,0.0,0.0,0.07546696038982631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775579249942799,0.0,0.09765855870036357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943168821221482,0.0,0.0,0.1063361546381043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897281954001496,0.0,0.0,0.10825323460297401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10049331399753578,0.0,0.0,0.08691769812353273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265470050105833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525749815664399,0.0,0.2037026359526437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169632181859577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652425066662985,0.0,0.0,0.0937033380063964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059347462550902716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107050367624439,0.1988442732190132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397735662075807,0.0,0.0,0.08164002425466263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14819092334764564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06554157610769466 ptsd,bambiprincess,2019/07/27,"4 years. It’s been 4 years since it happened now and like no matter how hard I try I can’t make myself feel normal. I do so many things to cope and it’s so hard. I went on a date a few days ago. The guy used listerine mouth wash (my attacker used the same thing) and I got up and I ran for the HILLS. And I really don’t know. He could’ve been a nice guy, but because of the smell my brain was telling me there was no way it was possible and that I was GOING to get hurt. I hate living like this. I hate the flashbacks and the night terrors and the tons of medicines I’m on.",0.09395833333333314,1.6373763125000025,1.9371875000000005,100.17239583333335,82.75,5.5166666666666675,17.697916666666664,6.42735559955562,-0.5127833333333336,440,9,115,4,12,145,80,128,0.22,0.7190000000000001,0.061,-0.9712,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,3,1,10,0,9,3,2,4,0,18,23,12,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,8,8,0,0,2,0,0,3,4,5,0,0,9,4,14,3,8,14,3,14,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,9,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14765910469589422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895036461903919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154286119121624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859533157580817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299695944310716,0.0,0.0,0.10742739852704253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422556330920956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702880859181092,0.0,0.09466867905845404,0.0,0.13322562133699226,0.0,0.0,0.32987181103978336,0.14730213912396425,0.0,0.2984378070096753,0.3289175833141659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783224871950321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09154552268746166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276072242518244,0.0,0.14708919293935532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111904205553602,0.16888138281814627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15631979565908766,0.1632085945275101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18778881543735612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106712512307063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13779295118156482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14559430400487758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22133068282600224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113093810694176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877354485962148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13221985564760266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15441713071955473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2145382842186545 ptsd,soilderkingpoet__,2019/07/27,"My family will never stop bragging about how i was in the army It’s so tiring, i hate it, I don’t want to be reminded of the fucking hell i lived in while serving i hate the fact that they mention my prosthetic, and they mention what happened to me over and over again i tell them to stop, they never do they try to drag me out for fireworks, saying “it’s not THAT BAD!!” my only escape was the army, it hurts too much to go back i want a personality other than “solider” i’m so tired...i hate this so much...i’m tired of being constantly reminded of the shit i had faced",1.4337967914438536,3.2542734033613456,3.4038808250572963,89.9268143621085,79.67226890756302,6.3440794499618045,21.742551566080976,7.348242739294969,0.6608588235294124,441,13,97,6,11,149,72,119,0.195,0.687,0.11800000000000001,-0.934,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,5,0,8,8,6,0,6,0,8,5,2,1,3,12,17,7,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,9,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,3,1,18,0,16,11,1,14,1,1,0,1,10,5,3,0,8,71,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13135646643558047,0.14263454748455426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18460477236643655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104177717164006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792806877464946,0.0,0.0,0.09708569535582401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510629571098183,0.0,0.0,0.5059729248640226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828752956003528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150844574128121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25115700493431586,0.0,0.26350672934788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992266777764344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14916073729425633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584957069654507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535285960863484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2856403210812773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14931151870655032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926841464857652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159812449152737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2015179888529227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,girlpearl,2019/07/27,"I lost my only friend because I flipped out... My only friend in the world since we were 12 (now 24) was going to move in with me. She was supposed to come see the place at some point but then I saw a comment on her fb of some random dude saying ""can't wait to move in with you!"" I messaged her asking if she was not moving in and we got into a huge fight about how I felt it was unfair that I had to find out that way and her telling me excuses about the landlord I had never heard of like move in date problems, apparently he called her a bicycle and said she was his long lost somebody... I've been living here for 5 years and my landlord has never been even remotely creepy. I asked her for context but she just kept the argument going and didn't give me context. In the end she said I was making an enemy out of her by not being happy for her that she found a place and that she doesn't even know if I'm her friend because of how I messaged her while she's feeling super emotional. (She has BPD, moving stress, new job stress) I havw serious trust issues so when I was the random fb comment about moving in I just flipped out. Apparently it cost me my only friend in the world. Mental illness fucking sucks.",4.20514,4.554966264000001,5.0885500000000015,86.41002500000002,70.36,7.690000000000001,26.425,7.413659706084162,1.1927,946,27,202,9,16,309,131,250,0.156,0.738,0.106,-0.9306,3,0,0,0,1,0,23.0,2,1,0,3,13,17,3,2,12,0,18,2,0,3,2,41,42,16,0,3,8,0,2,1,4,0,1,4,2,0,6,16,0,2,5,0,1,9,7,9,0,0,23,8,43,8,32,18,2,42,0,2,2,1,42,21,2,6,12,139,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17979208847480949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11723573692576934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110937895317166,0.0,0.09818948315785717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283279548260906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816636521530827,0.0851686733268121,0.0,0.0,0.12702473353650498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04862107422770444,0.0,0.09232808922575607,0.0,0.08788793564497495,0.0,0.0,0.10543380215264787,0.297170008691534,0.08889780176796733,0.0,0.092244844050748,0.109299188766281,0.0,0.07690744436196201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236345320997092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036541475231163,0.09542335179045174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284668310807699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697861822150787,0.0,0.08491049851150767,0.08509802960016423,0.0,0.0,0.2099386553743684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418713605256121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690604296285804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6132132487356249,0.0,0.0,0.14832809121169635,0.092871333059483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21940063577443808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009321812956988,0.0,0.09090170010826376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920115446574902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293919046949694,0.07646980235842332,0.0,0.0,0.07662657989846815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954403680100708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22030050082936775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404754072304409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07632684381364678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619234911103229 ptsd,kairosc,2019/07/27,"My husband ghosted me 16 months ago I never saw him again. He moved in with his girlfriend the night he left, they are raising her 2 children. I attempted contact for a few months. I served him divorce papers. I spent 30 days in jail fighting stalking charges for attempting to reach contact. Will it ever stop hurting? Will I always live in a constant cycle of confusion, frustration and fear?",4.253690476190478,6.965338416666667,4.3186507936507965,82.42000000000003,74.55555555555556,6.336507936507938,33.8968253968254,7.447530270364453,2.66588253968254,314,17,51,4,7,97,59,72,0.243,0.742,0.015,-0.9456,0,0,0,0,3,0,9.0,0,0,1,2,2,5,2,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,2,6,5,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,5,0,0,2,1,12,0,8,1,1,15,0,1,1,0,14,4,0,1,10,32,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23602686314463464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215528771458464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2877366610453868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17171817438787051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24085092230156616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996208894547777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850409892940589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2892964834324954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351158831922493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4250585755620222,0.2829963649746741,0.0,0.0,0.20535911800548484,0.0,0.0,0.24987061307741115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22260852521384208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Voldo_ate_my_sister,2019/07/27,"Something good is happening. it’s fucking terrifying So things in my life are hectic but things are actually coming up Milhouse for once. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, watching my 6 waiting for it to all crumble. Help. How do you stop this thought process? Something awesome just happened and all I wanna do is hide bc I know for a fucking fact it’s all gonna go and I don’t deserve it. I worked so so hard for all of it. What do you do to not ruin it?",0.2863058419243991,2.603509443298972,2.4037371134020624,92.2262929553265,88.58762886597937,4.470446735395188,25.609106529209622,5.985473137389443,0.7523065292096227,364,17,77,3,12,122,63,97,0.122,0.73,0.14800000000000002,0.7004,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,0,1,5,4,2,0,2,0,9,4,1,1,5,19,21,7,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,11,3,0,4,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,2,9,1,12,19,4,6,0,1,1,2,3,2,2,0,1,56,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.2224778570343434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963865813568472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4215319615288176,0.0,0.0,0.12956760605401302,0.1912207530893713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032080245070843,0.0,0.2042273780242425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281174313229656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026411607695152,0.0,0.0,0.12529312057110095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16103065453527735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24279372978112795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3510238555935932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906034275150329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029226456445865,0.0,0.0,0.1809924958492752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597384388760947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chey_1997,2019/07/27,"I need advice I was diagnosed around this time last year with ptsd. I didn’t tell anyone in my family because I felt like I was better off keeping it to myself. I told my dad about 2 months after I was diagnosed and instantly regretted it. He didn’t seem to understand (and still doesn’t). I feel like he thinks I’m just being over-dramatic about it, but I know it really messed me up mentally and I still have frequent nightmares because of it. My doctor wants me to see a therapist (for this and other reasons) but I have a really hard time opening up to people and telling them how I feel without being judged or feeling uncomfortable. Any tips/ advice? I want to try therapy but I’m just super nervous to talk about it because I don’t want to relive it all over again out loud",4.349947552447549,5.443860673076923,5.6742424242424265,79.64045454545455,70.47435897435899,9.006060606060606,28.284382284382282,9.339509955726095,2.464341025641026,619,22,118,13,11,208,93,156,0.09,0.8059999999999999,0.10400000000000001,0.0054,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,10,7,0,1,2,0,11,3,0,2,1,33,28,10,0,5,7,1,5,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,10,9,0,1,9,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,7,7,21,4,22,19,1,18,0,1,1,0,8,8,0,2,12,82,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27971590218867803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732841702252973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007479480827493,0.0,0.0,0.12740964251460765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617390051893432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12658049252421988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905332738986636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14649225815754593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492344535215225,0.0,0.21710157556572304,0.10224696230925852,0.13742033989905034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128209923378245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272141274440402,0.0,0.0,0.07865655204335646,0.11666419049791232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398451487109602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442341271643367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423925951322195,0.0,0.0,0.10612374829399847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922333391139253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673029030117654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833762707677988,0.1471540832288171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140503474430373,0.13029362867456493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2285961179734809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503669131112634,0.2501912843793158,0.0,0.16367340370698294,0.16617661075213302,0.0,0.09170731603079142,0.0,0.0,0.16691212008821166,0.0,0.0,0.13675997600485612,0.0,0.0971709914969585,0.0,0.0,0.1489958901539041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25325262022686906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13796527912654008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921663955950531 ptsd,sassinash,2019/07/27,"New to PTSD! And I need help I have been recently diagnosed with severe anxiety, depression, and PTSD! I have tried therapy and they make me feel pathetic and that I’m worthless! And my husband has done every thing he can to help but he is at a lose! I am currently on meds but my dr suggested getting start in therapy again and maybe listening to podcast! I don’t know what to listen to or anything to do to get me out of this awful place I’m in but I need your help!!!",2.4528092783505144,4.005454525773196,4.466585051546391,84.63534149484539,75.90721649484536,8.973711340206185,27.5889175257732,9.516144504307137,2.5233309278350515,367,15,78,10,8,126,65,97,0.18600000000000005,0.7440000000000001,0.07,-0.9005,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,1,10,2,0,1,0,17,22,10,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,3,12,0,14,20,0,11,0,3,0,0,11,6,0,1,5,52,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316935433996185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432515345805596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14993330737719168,0.17668571904869812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814244771160853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666840003612938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801917354869393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818973600462954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3500428646838447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09566883179459264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19474898974670146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11619855705665995,0.0,0.1748849598607389,0.0,0.1933616484233343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581535742719543,0.0,0.16812582017374178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818746790142521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069762243876927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17188123163361838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966588281481715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321345316442095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981472088901299,0.0,0.11564982778323935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181876779408296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,princessmisery,2019/07/27,"I freaked out at kids Scooby Doo graham cracker snacks, and also, do you 420? For a few days I couldn't figure out why this package of snacks was making me so upset. A few days later I realized it made a connection with things that happened with myself and my younger sisters. I hate how this disorder follows you for so long in your life and the strangest things can sometimes set you off. Just wanted to vent that. *sigh* I'm also here to ask a question. Does anyone use marijuana to help them stay more stable? I have been using it for a few months and I ran out. I'm starting to realize that I'm wanting it more and more often because when I'm not high, it's a lot harder to stay happy and calm. I'm dead broke and can't get anymore, so I'm just wondering if anyone else uses it to keep them more level headed? Now that I'm out I feel like I'm going to panic because I know tomorrow is going to be so hard. I wish so badly I lived where it was legal so I don't have to feel like a criminal for making myself feel better. Just wanted to rant a bit and ask if ya'll smoke. I hope everyone has a wonderful night.",2.2796896086369784,3.7080496410256414,4.1396536212325685,87.31908906882593,76.09401709401709,6.635717498875394,22.99955015744489,7.273561745256523,0.8394991452991447,872,25,183,10,19,296,132,234,0.14,0.736,0.124,-0.6998,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,4,2,1,17,13,1,2,10,0,13,4,1,7,0,46,49,20,1,8,6,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,14,14,2,1,10,0,0,4,4,6,1,0,5,4,22,6,24,42,9,27,0,1,0,0,12,10,0,8,12,119,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19269570376948209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948383493545252,0.1684849035210923,0.12344604816570648,0.0,0.0,0.2252651649400936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059580869771366,0.14688703957714475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655481288497264,0.13153300975971713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539932944568624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808057438224294,0.0,0.10543290302977598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10064562151511708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512385015062655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18275499881636234,0.17214194256410031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06294585312060763,0.0,0.13694317694465394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654010969099753,0.1282532527809888,0.10792645946571593,0.11894910560700743,0.12364728906117435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075523742509923,0.12729378688301218,0.0,0.11966387362322747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708820352813136,0.0,0.0,0.06621268426138646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509862182814837,0.11772093279631025,0.0,0.10638609081522664,0.10662105233091942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242782949452796,0.0,0.11400113571891615,0.16084273688091993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616602589233936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130623647113354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135737895883393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13496522835346786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915784940946315,0.0,0.08527639899112945,0.2568314043137239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160083182542387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3121682390806691,0.0,0.0,0.2131867637956908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10871450500655212,0.0,0.13854611080567866,0.0,0.2613109482289047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ImThatMelanin,2019/07/27,"my mind is against me... (16F, TRIGGER WARNING) i was diagnosed a few weeks ago due to an abusive dad and being raped as a child. the flashbacks are so frequent and won’t go away and it seems like my only escape is through death. i don’t know how to deal with ptsd, i didn’t even have it awhile ago and it’s so horrible now that even my thoughts scare me. all i hear in my mind is “kill yourself, it’s the only escape from them” “go pick up that knife” it’s all so bad i wanna tear my hair out, i don’t get it, i don’t get why it had to be me...i’m tired and the urges are so strong and there are so many options i can do it and now i feel like i can’t trust myself...i’m so scared. so fucking scared.",-0.7794570135746639,1.026740692307694,1.2260030165912532,102.61703619909504,87.58974358974359,4.183408748114632,17.509803921568626,5.0885558068054335,-0.9254377073906483,532,13,139,2,17,175,90,156,0.226,0.6809999999999999,0.09300000000000001,-0.9797,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,13,11,3,3,6,0,19,5,1,3,2,22,29,16,2,1,0,1,2,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,10,9,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,7,0,0,4,3,18,4,13,22,3,13,0,0,0,2,5,4,1,2,9,89,28,0,0.0,0.18789089697340572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811424976533832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489907559876282,0.0,0.13240734360661352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348860622169473,0.0,0.16095495772586987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20948066274331467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801826114406637,0.11328929919280425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466042865220876,0.16570259359008752,0.0,0.18024888431265407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873073641331508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17544483383985665,0.0,0.08715120191993511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494796652304632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077482614579006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202403836569938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412138660388037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537106831396136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4762975374319051,0.0,0.0,0.1443649136214222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589449029487604,0.0,0.18226392423701165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272029911687056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14309342512152412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thecynicalone26,2018/12/10,"I feel like I’m losing my mind. Not sure if it’s due to secondhand trauma. I volunteer as a first responder at an agency that gives assistance to survivors in the immediate aftermath of sexual assault or domestic violence. My primary role is to provide emotional support and empowerment based options to survivors and their families. I love what I do, and I am thankful every time I am able to be there to make a difference for someone who needs it, but I took a really difficult case yesterday. I very much felt like I was in shock after, and I came home and just kind of numbly stuffed my face with about 4,000 calories of Taco Bell. I couldn’t get to sleep despite being exhausted, and when I did, it was fitful. I’ve been consumed by anxiety today and just randomly had a meltdown because I have such horrible bags under my eyes. I’ve been lying underneath the covers all day playing mindless phone games and trying to force my body to get some rest that it so desperately needs. I know that trauma presents itself differently in everyone, and I’m wondering if maybe this is a little bit of secondhand trauma. I finally gave in and took some anxiety medication, so I’m hoping that will kick in soon and give my brain a much needed reset so I can finally get a little bit of rest.",8.48329268292683,7.303096882113824,9.097682926829274,66.3494512195122,61.886178861788615,13.240650406504063,39.19918699186992,12.311054993355176,5.023616260162601,1027,46,180,31,12,348,155,246,0.19,0.726,0.084,-0.9833,2,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,0,1,2,10,17,1,0,10,0,17,8,5,1,2,37,41,20,0,7,7,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,12,13,0,0,4,2,0,3,2,8,0,1,11,3,23,9,28,26,9,27,0,1,1,1,10,11,0,9,15,123,35,0,0.12052478423125852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844022600921428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347078979677257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2631636974701934,0.1338758649132585,0.0,0.13454551914139595,0.0,0.13784824499168194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772851506253604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25184549425796005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557416006770573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015473289061549,0.11516659630912605,0.0,0.0,0.1136200401421246,0.0,0.060940952271896276,0.08610292993680167,0.1157226936721227,0.26405801984086497,0.0,0.10251831989699396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889076758514345,0.23123671074391886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089618557419085,0.11970830551898035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550801592336444,0.06623726941808868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776464326677695,0.2415949935932567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483640450893394,0.0,0.0,0.1087783233704577,0.0,0.08045122936465253,0.0,0.12108334539235095,0.0,0.0,0.1214160402625992,0.0,0.0,0.12169567431971552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771991683387739,0.2681028010304473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721126299202548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12061182578902364,0.0,0.10212025856143743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13677009686232064,0.11359318278572865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109630283046988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027897091988695,0.0,0.11424340285811276,0.0,0.2678149399257188,0.08182841703840582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944556936730334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070398725571736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fuckrelapser,2018/12/10,"I'm Becoming Impervious to Mental Abuse So a little backstory is that my mom is diagnosed with bipolar and more than likely a personality disorder. She is the definition of a narcissist and I don't blame her for how she is honestly I blame her dad because he is like an evil genius when it comes to this shit. I had to grow up with this woman my whole life telling me all kinds of absurd lies and insults and things that gave me a complex and when I finally became aware of what's going on, it was difficult but I learned what's going on and honestly most of the fight was just trying to not copy her behavior in my relationships with other people. I have PTSD from lots of other things, but I don't really think my mom is a factor in that. I think she very well could have fucked me up a lot worse though, and that thought is scary. My mom is sadistic in ways that I don't want to start ranting about because this would turn into a 40-page thesis paper. She will never change her ways and at this point I look at her the same as how I look at my dogs when they tear up the couch if they're left alone. Not in a negative way, it's just her nature. The other night I called her out for ""gaslighting"", because she had blatantly lied about something so small but when I pointed out that she was lying she basically argued with me to the end of time that I was wrong. I couldn't understand why somebody would defend an obvious lie so much that I'll admit at a point or two in the argument I wondered if she genuinely was innocent like she vehemently argued. But then I reached a point that night, when I told her about gas-lighting and she laughed. She said ""that's funny, I didn't know there was a term for that. I used to do that to grandma"" and she proceeded to give me an example of a time she made my sick and dying grandma think she was wrong about her Comcast or some shit.. She said it so casually like she thought it was a funny story. That was a glory moment for me because I snapped and laughed in her face and pointed at her and said ""I knew it all along! All the times you picked arguments or judgments of me at the most embarrassing time in front of people, all the times you played on things you knew I cared about or was self conscious of so that you could motivate me to do something you wanted, all the times you did absurd and borderline illegal things to me and denied it so much, I thought you were clueless but you are just a mastermind!"" And then I was raising my voice at this point and happy and giddy as all hell, and I said ""Thank you for letting me know! I will be alright for the rest of my life now!"" I know that sounds weird lol, but you don't understand the things this woman has done, it just felt so good for her to expose a little tiny window into her mind. Last night she was doing it again, because she knows I have a fear of being stagnant and not progressing or moving forward in life. I love it when people notice I'm doing good and moving forward. And I believe I have been doing exceptional this last month. She tried to say ""You don't want to slip back and be a lazy bum do you? You're really starting to slip back.."" And I paused for a moment, checked my brain. I realized I had just finished an intense workout no more than an hour ago, I was on top of my diet, and so I had that hallelujah moment where I just said ""I am impervious to your manipulation mom. I am invincible!"" She didn't really care as much as I did. But now I have a new catchphrase. My only problem now is to stop looking at everybody I meet as my mom and stop assuming everybody is toxic. Other than that, yeah. Sorry for this whole shit-show of a text I just felt really good and wanted to share this somewhere",5.206836133215447,5.227547290450929,5.968539345711758,82.11458325965224,68.13793103448276,9.195590922487474,29.089773062186858,8.96741613852259,2.091290162098438,2923,93,609,47,45,960,294,754,0.151,0.713,0.13699999999999998,-0.8314,0,1,2,0,2,0,66.0,0,13,1,4,38,39,9,2,39,3,65,13,4,7,9,121,113,66,1,12,25,6,2,4,0,4,6,8,2,4,47,38,1,2,24,3,1,9,14,16,1,1,39,13,114,23,88,63,21,93,1,0,3,2,78,41,4,14,48,457,161,3,0.0,0.06782511070970026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05074359997132097,0.0,0.0,0.05928780972700056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803463511655893,0.0,0.17447790770648372,0.06322180939858678,0.0,0.06449470035514099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063903547888918,0.058452809798129765,0.0,0.11672871643154828,0.0,0.060556857529743914,0.049310878147797714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140979855298667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058101738843566335,0.059410524551514785,0.0,0.0656069038697459,0.0,0.0,0.058580772852619624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05070144075132375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441572944274515,0.0,0.0,0.10992697109651743,0.06270831025825607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052921414097483466,0.0,0.05491392917801551,0.06506648661928582,0.14404135745588212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0609376001210104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05637408445521171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05961110824934297,0.1258398360733718,0.0933234563841392,0.0,0.0,0.0621960773143552,0.05853615434202895,0.12129998285505032,0.11186665403120677,0.11474761360565765,0.0,0.0,0.1442123326512143,0.0,0.0,0.09733407893613748,0.05166519733351359,0.05416592149630146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057688769870503816,0.0,0.05780040391825585,0.3352190422400411,0.04569183785974717,0.12168321983598115,0.12624339642162005,0.0,0.04415031744987415,0.055286881979990564,0.0,0.1611596358015289,0.0,0.0,0.06517299177323325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04353685418594902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905792730890835,0.049983496959613266,0.0,0.0,0.3246860834298905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477504459871496,0.06691549954412858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668860542250978,0.0,0.0,0.06145893325084941,0.0,0.0,0.27226209368945176,0.045522948780281985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059718268169367324,0.0,0.1762812912586453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813888632591295,0.0,0.06408028438949838,0.0810355915160301,0.0,0.0,0.09571756200254954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05003402354187396,0.052702841673357516,0.0,0.0,0.19015277882512904,0.11003946889588864,0.05624221409307291,0.13633669133848209,0.200277598797317,0.0,0.0,0.05469936233780967,0.0,0.07773021651345745,0.06226533813060139,0.05591934328102662,0.119186627849123,0.0,0.04944067801035806,0.0,0.047232525802109376,0.1350566370997055,0.13631353400927765,0.0,0.0,0.051469482150518574,0.0,0.05165405858949771,0.12782238779544774,0.0,0.0,0.06207897938310784,0.0,0.0,0.05833681146034071,0.08132938766349558,0.12517526683941949,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Shattered_Persona,2018/12/10,"trauma story, possible triggers for sexual abuse. I really wanna get this out because I just can't say it out loud. I hate my mom and family for never truely acknowledging the extent of what a step-dad put me through for years and nobody noticed a thing. I remember one time I forgot to feed and water the dogs after school, I think I may have been 9 or 10. It was kinda cold and raining. When he got home after dark and found out, he made me go do it. on my way back in he poured a gallon bucket of ice water on my head from the window and locked me out the house. After about 5 mins he told me ""now that's how the dogs feel, strip naked and you can come in""..... I didn't wanna take my clothes off but I was cold and I was scared he'd come outside and beat the shit out of me if I didn't. Once naked he opens the door for me but tells me to sit down at the table and gives me a napkin to cover my penis and what not. Then he says that's probably too big, you've got a tiny dick (as an adult I do not have a small penis, it's slight larger than average and was probably average at the time, nevertheless I'm still self conscious and ashamed of my body to this day 20 years later). I know he didn't sexually abuse me but it messed me up, I don't really remember what else happened besides he made me eat like that and I'm sure he beat me after. It was like that for about 3 or 4 years, it's all a blur. yes he went to court, but for beating my mom. nobody ever really talked about it, nobody ever got me any help. I just sank further inside myself and continually ruined my life into adulthood. nothing has ever changed.... I finally realized today that I guess my mom and family were always too self absorbed by their own problems to think I ever needed help.... If you read this long, thank you. I've never told that story to a soul and probably never will in real life. Not even sure if I'll live to ever get past it. This along with many other incidents has completely defined my life. I live in constant state of agitation and fear. ",2.9601247717589807,3.9467405754717007,4.689004869141815,85.80572124163119,73.66981132075472,7.640779062690202,22.403834449178333,8.049812674583475,0.9711569689592204,1580,37,340,23,31,537,216,424,0.10800000000000001,0.826,0.066,-0.961,0,0,0,0,2,0,50.0,0,3,1,3,18,14,2,3,18,1,22,11,4,4,11,78,50,31,0,7,14,3,1,2,0,2,3,3,3,3,24,29,4,1,10,1,0,5,11,9,0,1,20,6,48,5,52,27,3,60,1,1,0,1,30,21,2,9,33,215,72,2,0.0,0.19076420625859614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698439162305785,0.0,0.0,0.05474434833898232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061901326498217064,0.0,0.04907347621701368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941994622659581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516079619553295,0.13869126686782748,0.08440516662076,0.0869944251506489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05191734627946944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237398612938016,0.06724937105393412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05317103302829152,0.3640948542411029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15178087381702876,0.09058750785021803,0.04070439939776499,0.0,0.0,0.08818637306347323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826665516988794,0.0,0.0,0.08411829484660427,0.07722517517901141,0.04575133215443623,0.0,0.19315521397017624,0.0,0.08868239790998594,0.0,0.07118794897262949,0.0,0.0,0.0794793893572185,0.08261862062860839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10791803646089748,0.0,0.08075040575871614,0.0,0.0,0.09288888613330976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04424197799506016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058353983059246,0.07865874909665314,0.0,0.1421700733426563,0.0712420332094224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15234651167372998,0.0,0.08161673234336228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28285008537350986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059691461357070076,0.18626509067796646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724416158724434,0.09165244195716996,0.0,0.08573235945719454,0.054550465609106806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07684858778136383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075428700824743,0.0,0.0,0.2603853985090201,0.07702986251195786,0.0,0.08092708156363755,0.0,0.0,0.0805241200696796,0.0916292814278314,0.15471557153280507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823869051129776,0.0,0.0,0.12803737582958674,0.08059688107542347,0.08147266082902363,0.0,0.0,0.1679629846123946,0.0,0.08263449002225863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428926871574671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174499605270927,0.0,0.06052773727669136,0.0647047274943607,0.0703625890692754,0.07411573423316672,0.0,0.0,0.053482174287485855,0.10316529144536772,0.0,0.0,0.09388311783589318,0.0,0.07630680068386284,0.1538468618781223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389900644340803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07462647105832255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15552259309126765 ptsd,TellingMyTale,2018/12/10,"My Trauma Story - Part 1 The following story is mine and is 100% true. Trigger Warnings: None My story began in high school. As a freshman, I was shy and desperate for friends. I made a few friends that year that stuck with me all throughout high school and then some, but one person in particular really took a liking to me. His name was Nick. He was the complete opposite of who I was. Loud, odd, and playful. At first, I didn't really think much of him. But as the first year flew by and I steadily became more comfortable at my school, I too became more outgoing and loud and Nick and I became really close as a result. We were a part of a small group of people that stuck together through most of high school. Everyone knew how close Nick and I were. They even thought we were dating, although I never regarded him as a romantic partner. Someone saw *me* as a romantic partner, though. About halfway through my freshman year, an anonymous love letter was left in my locker. It was from someone who had been watching me and was very interested in me. As a freshman, I was excited to receive a love letter. I didn't question how this person knew where my locker was. I didn't question the implication they'd been watching me. I didn't even question if they were right around the corner watching me open that letter. I didn't question any of that because 15-year-old me couldn't imagine a love letter being the first sign of danger. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and rip up that letter the moment I found it. ...But looking back, that was the only thing that happened in high school that pointed to something odd. The rest of this story happens after graduation. That's when things really began a painful tumble downhill.",3.265613636363636,5.722599209090912,4.022178030303032,84.59326704545455,76.60606060606061,6.428030303030304,26.97916666666667,7.531066641456977,1.6774621212121217,1369,55,247,19,32,436,159,330,0.073,0.763,0.16399999999999998,0.9896,0,0,1,0,0,0,45.0,2,0,3,3,12,14,1,0,22,0,28,4,0,5,3,47,50,27,0,4,4,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,4,18,18,0,0,10,1,0,5,8,3,0,4,34,7,40,11,35,12,11,45,0,0,5,3,32,23,0,7,18,185,58,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585109417788352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07659487746018466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323206877299063,0.0,0.05244989477341395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021252311562322,0.0,0.0,0.06869686796434676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136587542726688,0.0,0.0,0.0822160191081987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195597096132234,0.0,0.0943396949339564,0.13295037924787775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04889917613808119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15217183377178714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3636288536575406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348397609010944,0.0,0.0,0.04203536646643217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225290746942015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23296652847440316,0.08141422946122476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325015532712719,0.0,0.0663602496986118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028572759933376,0.0,0.0583037192716017,0.06543818214108595,0.09155386450738168,0.0,0.0,0.18634839122798927,0.0,0.05965010930207066,0.15025565072394267,0.0,0.0,0.08133671063835599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3855431790626479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204806906503146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07347868366080013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43539125580743065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580479754190706,0.06623869139090208,0.08509691094523361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11432385190024436,0.055131703495483485,0.08453500645961359,0.06830707306975453,0.05017129446584245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559489871217622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07099297099466352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989430919697598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22163075375525426 ptsd,Mechilian97,2018/12/10,"I had a serious traffic accident in May and my psychotherapist found I have ptsd and several triggers regarding cars and traffic. My friends don’t stop making fun of the accident though.. I happened several times since then. They think that just because I didn‘t have any fractures or other physical damage, I‘m fine. They continue to crack jokes concerning my driving now and my car back then and my new one. I tend to get really angry and yell at them but they don’t understand. Do you have similar experiences or any tips for me how to deal with it?",4.549795037756205,6.902967582524272,5.484983818770228,76.12180151024813,72.20388349514563,10.014670981661274,31.832793959007553,10.25414643259724,3.868414023732472,443,21,77,14,9,145,75,103,0.109,0.8220000000000001,0.069,-0.4848,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,4,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,3,0,19,17,13,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,1,3,1,0,3,3,2,0,1,3,1,16,4,8,13,0,13,0,1,0,0,7,2,0,3,8,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997410698543209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16946379300276573,0.0,0.1343457060779737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22720904321576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21558051248373847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416426759640963,0.1702702422049867,0.0,0.11514297117721015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19488725898849046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14710985472909727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21285087877562334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14933975304151892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257620295657701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411853836406077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4979485524241948,0.0,0.18230618186142286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18425317595118207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412149188359586,0.21652884491351745,0.0,0.12850927554722366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294303600370388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Mucheng,2018/12/10,"Pregnancy and PTSD Pregnancy and stress don't go together very well. Reading some articles, more than likely my symptoms will get better, but it's possible that they will get worse. There's also an increased chance that baby will be born premature. Has anyone here gone through pregnancy with their diagnosis? How did it go? Just trying to make sure my baby is as healthy as possible.",5.549130434782609,8.128326159420292,5.654420289855075,75.0059782608696,70.01449275362319,9.817391304347826,31.78985507246377,10.125756701596842,3.833742028985508,311,14,50,9,6,98,55,69,0.076,0.728,0.196,0.8228,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,1,6,5,0,1,1,0,8,1,0,2,1,9,14,7,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,1,0,2,0,4,4,6,8,3,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,34,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493536604943345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16169959525278949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045271683771932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416434650163083,0.0,0.2628562657165252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11298001653638474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436519776823654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5214128607278286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27032592725718224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313186141791143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649030044830141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179560743113597,0.2403635646533604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15700766637066554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19081044632617306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2079269464111286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23566965439515625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BallpointLifeForm,2018/12/10,"Final at 3 and I haven’t studied Just panic panic panic and remember Fuck me It’s an essay type final—no multi choice or matching to help",0.2229310344827553,2.623828448275866,3.5133620689655167,82.78659482758623,92.10344827586206,4.279310344827587,17.594827586206893,5.985473137389443,0.2037517241379309,111,3,19,1,4,40,25,29,0.382,0.541,0.077,-0.8934,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,11,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4926596959067706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20788510859922166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1507230232368612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7914958407474936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547294839579766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwitinthebag3,2018/12/10,"Questioning my therapist’s expertise So, I have PTSD and OCD. Here's my dilemma-- therapists who are well versed in PTSD are normally not well versed in OCD. PTSD requires a therapist with a trauma informed approach while OCD requires more of a CBT style therapist. I've been able to calm my OCD related intrusive thoughts with self administered CBT but I'm having a hard time confronting PTSD on my own. The therapist I'm seeing has a trauma informed approach and is very well versed in treating PTSD but it seems she knows next to nothing about OCD which worries me. My PTSD and OCD are tangled up together so I don't want to talk about intrusive thoughts with her if she doesn't know what they mean. She referred to my compulsion to step on leaves as an ""intrusive thought"" and when I asked her what the nature of an intrusive thought was she told me it was an automatic thought. She also implied that I actually want to carry out my intrusive thoughts. (I have carried out some in the past but I don't want to) &#x200B; This kind of made me lose my trust in her. The next session, she gave me an article on OCD and had me highlight the symptoms I identify with. I sent her a link on an article which I felt best described my experiences with Harm OCD so that' she'd be better able to understand it. This made me regain a bit of my trust in her but as of now, its shaky &#x200B; I'm at such a cross roads with her. We have a good relationship, she's trauma informed, anti-oppressive and I can tell that she really cares about me. I feel connected to her. But this is driving a wench in the whole thing. I feel like she doesn't know anything about OCD. I might be wrong and it might be a misunderstanding. I don't need her to know everything, just the essentials. I don't want to talk about my most horrific intrusive thoughts with someone who doesn't know that they are ego dystonic and that I don't intend to carry them out. Is this worth calling it quits over? Or should I trust that she's educated herself enough. I’m here to fix the PTSD since I covered the OCD part myself",4.972672473867596,5.999168368292687,5.3743728222996525,82.6115243902439,68.97560975609754,9.27177700348432,31.47212543554007,9.516144504307137,2.7519930313588845,1661,69,333,35,28,530,182,410,0.114,0.775,0.111,0.4377,0,0,0,0,0,0,42.0,1,0,3,6,18,22,1,1,25,0,32,1,0,3,0,69,67,23,0,8,9,0,4,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,23,19,0,2,24,0,1,6,9,8,3,0,17,5,61,14,49,43,9,31,0,1,1,0,40,18,0,9,8,227,84,3,0.13222059593402186,0.0,0.06451411429067111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286838139922585,0.0,0.1432609604533312,0.1606624963252495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05440314226440108,0.0,0.06180420436492639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937867903511907,0.05846918615544203,0.07217532296292059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06750600579874745,0.0,0.06740385479776001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830961019651427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05941567299612833,0.06466855698333103,0.0,0.0,0.06685470608863474,0.04722921007709474,0.06347625352748806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05545018135288652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592218415925599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884370200589847,0.18166245414506715,0.0,0.0,0.0700012599736017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032298152226545064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396051306577774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511032483303544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201349538403587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026515763848169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04901994826199473,0.0,0.0,0.14061810378578876,0.0,0.06477405546234423,0.06343461390394307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159101029676622,0.06310975994565135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5409558036810729,0.0,0.07405866377551076,0.0703164395653431,0.0,0.0,0.042351949728595226,0.0,0.0,0.07097771892822538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05268134815057583,0.06018433234002085,0.06896745889983634,0.0,0.0,0.05468712164328037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601504093142262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871391276871608,0.0,0.10627390658460892,0.057783314352503175,0.0,0.0,0.3837957569523517,0.043920744389700186,0.0,0.0,0.3673893439570496,0.038549446389497234,0.0,0.0,0.06317122280205788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06882315168853938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054547919453286936,0.15597426639880296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832329219985266,0.0,0.0,0.07380978674531848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06713821665572954,0.0,0.0,0.07228123265848528,0.1606624963252495,0.0 ptsd,cheesypizza05,2018/12/10,"I’m terrified to go to class now. Thanks, teacher. A little background: I’ve been physically and mentally abused by my peers in grade school. Teachers weren’t so kind to me. Was in an abusive relationship a few years ago. My parents were also physically and mentally abusive. So basically, I’ve been abused in every way possible. Too much detail to go into, but my teacher triggered a flashback in class last week and I’m terrified to go back to class because of it. She triggered one of THE most traumatic times in my life and I couldn’t snap out of it. I couldn’t move. I just couldn’t do anything. I don’t even know how I got home safely after class. It’s something I DON’T want to experience again. I’ve been having nightmares every night since it’s happened. I don’t know what to do. I have to see that classroom 3 more times. I walked past it a couple days ago and I couldn’t look at it without crying. I’m so scared. I just want to skip my finals. Any ideas on how to help me get into that classroom without having a panic attack? 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I took the diagnosis as BS because I only thought PTSD happened to soldiers. But now that the nightmares have gotten worse I’m living near a hospital, and I’ve accepted that men who’ve never been in the military can have trauma, I could use some advice on how to sleep through the night and not freeze up when I see people in scrubs. 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To take chances. It's just an amusement ride, I said. It's called a rock and roll ride. See? We needed eight people so the ride could start and we've only just gathered five. Come, you will be the sixth. The seventh. The eight. Come, come.. I remember the operator telling me to shout ""Stop"" if I couldn't bear it as he strapped my seatbelt. Ridiculous. I remember feeling insulted. I remember telling my friend, as the ride started, that it felt like I was in a movie. Like time stopped. And then the ride turned. And I am taken back to January 1st. Time stopped there too. There was smoke everywhere. Shattered glass. I had struggled to get out of the car. My knees felt weak and the smoke.. the smoke. It hurt everywhere. I wanted to close my eyes but. My brother.. my brother. I think he is hurt. I look at the other side of the street and my father seems half dead. No, no.. no. Papa, are you okay? Papa.. Help, help. My father. Help, help.. he might faint. Help, I can't get my father out. Take the gun, he says. Take the gun. Call someone. Call someone. My arms and knees are weak. I carry my brother, see? His arms are wrapped around my neck.. his legs around my waist. Help, help. The smoke, the smoke.. hurry. Time stopped there too. Time stopped there too. I shouted as the ride took a second turn. And then a third. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Fourth turn. I was blacking out. Stop, please stop. The motions seemed all too familiar. I could not breathe. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Could they not hear? My voice was hoarse. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. ""Have you no trauma or phobia from your accident? Really?"" The police officer curiously asked a week after January 1st. I remember laughing. ""That's a funny question, Sir."" No, of course not. The police officer shakes his head. He calls me fearless. ",-0.41755462528078624,0.8312986242937903,0.4067068273092378,99.74325199101492,119.25423728813558,3.5139337009053166,17.541896399155945,5.637321469439857,-0.2995372949424815,1419,47,296,16,83,430,166,354,0.26,0.618,0.12300000000000001,-0.9948,0,1,5,2,0,0,115.0,1,4,2,0,14,19,2,3,27,1,19,13,10,0,1,67,50,17,1,7,8,6,3,2,2,2,3,6,0,1,8,18,1,22,11,2,0,13,10,10,0,6,11,14,46,9,21,32,1,57,0,2,5,0,46,10,0,6,36,161,54,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08030377129133921,0.04216590256413253,0.0,0.0,0.034681987219375765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302797756441226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655861878228665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803498399043453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02280580303438753,0.0,0.08661331535222082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06969406572762109,0.0,0.047129678664796316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046289443325683535,0.0,0.050835186053393516,0.0,0.211624574230194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09656895982142552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440708121326089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03787577674221546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047847933897870135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033443847119356884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034303422021337966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031269249940290456,0.0,0.0,0.04951035533605806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050526504351541913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02889460683147996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20437495187738774,0.0,0.042903979512863066,0.035868299464083715,0.0,0.0,0.0718836725070741,0.08212149058185557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076432494595162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06384930988928182,0.0,0.0,0.8295923038498731,0.0,0.04715221565801536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564957841143566,0.0,0.07884530277046926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02890065142218297,0.0,0.0,0.10520139961761174,0.0,0.0427530658191212,0.04309855054198063,0.05011190785435868,0.0,0.14717973159516884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026603350803817958,0.0,0.03617949465421432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Pohutukiwi,2018/12/10,Advice needed I'm trying to put together a support package for a friend who is going through a rough patch with their ptsd and spending Christmas without their fam. What are some comforting things that you would appreciate if you got a support package? ,11.485999999999995,9.93152037777778,9.705000000000002,65.55750000000002,56.33333333333334,11.666666666666668,46.944444444444436,10.125756701596842,5.094777777777779,207,11,31,3,2,63,38,45,0.0,0.7140000000000001,0.28600000000000003,0.9186,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,9,2,0,3,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,4,5,7,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,0,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717724193422988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21487227165518152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806012917445775,0.0,0.22243533053704206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20622000821446698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251035379735221,0.2795840987205032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6312070681105221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476837675187127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18882298247887944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680945731012717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975661233253285,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sympathyforthemartyr,2018/12/10,"Trying to prove that I experienced trauma brought up way more trauma TW: medical/psych unit trauma, gun violence, abuse I recently had to access my medical records to find proof of my PTSD diagnosis in order to seek further treatment. It took over a month, but I finally got them yesterday. I assumed it would be as simple as Control+F searching through the pdfs and finding my discharge paperwork from my time spent in a psych hospital almost 9 years ago, rather than reading every word of 238 pages, but I wouldn't be writing this if that were the case. For background information, my stay in the unit was awful. They didn't have room for me in the adult ward, so they put me (20F at the time) in the geriatric unit for the first 24 hours which was terrifying. When I got to the adult ward, the staff kept confusing me with another patient, and told my family and social worker that I was refusing to participate in groups. I developed PTSD from my time spent there, which is terribly ironic since I was there following a suicide attempt after a traumatic event at a doctor's office the day before I went into the hospital. So I had to read through 238 pages of documents from my stay there, and, boy, were those notes detailed. It brought back a lot of memories of my experiences there and then some. The notes from the meeting with my family were much worse than I was expecting. I experienced a lot of verbal abuse as a kid and occasionally physical abuse. When my family was questioned about my claims, they denied them and said that I ""interpreted"" being spanked as physical abuse and I ""interpreted"" my parents yelling at each other as verbal abuse. No the fuck I did not. I was thrown into dressers, down stairs, and had been hit by many different objects that were thrown at me. I was belittled regularly, constantly called fat and made fun of for my weight, was told that I should be more like my (skinny) sister, and was always made to feel like I wasn't good enough. I didn't interpret shit. I remember what happened. Yet in these notes, the staff say that I am a ""compulsive liar"" and make things up for attention. Wouldn't it make more sense that my parents just denied being abusive to a social worker to cover their own asses, than me making this shit up? My parents then went on to say that up until I was 16, I was smart, determined, had several interests and friends, but by the time I turned 17, I was unmotivated, lost interest in doing things or seeing friends, and never really left my room. They mentioned that I witnessed a shooting while working at a convenience store (when I was 4 months away from turning 17), but didn't see any connection. They also said that when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer (1 month after I turned 17) that I ignored her so I didn't have to cope with it. I admit that I wasn't there for her as much as I could have been, but I still took her to several chemo treatments and doctors appointments. I did what I felt like I could. So I uncovered all of this, yet it took until I reached page 211 to find what I was looking for: "" PTSD"" was handwritten, next to Bipolar NOS(which was a misdiagnosis) by the intake psychologist from the emergency department. I don't know yet if it will be enough ""proof"" to get the treatment I'm seeking, but I'm so angry that I had to relive all of this in attempt to find it. I had a rough relationship with my parents for most of my life, but things have been going well for a few years, yet I find myself once again feeling invalidated and gaslighted. I really just needed to get this out and I thank you if you took the time to read this. ",7.9486661177439295,7.0059076253602335,7.887811445039112,73.82773198847265,62.80403458213256,11.50491560312886,35.3905310827501,10.732481090015153,3.6241699958830793,2868,108,544,62,35,926,307,694,0.172,0.753,0.075,-0.9976,5,0,0,2,6,1,87.0,0,2,8,7,27,23,4,1,35,1,60,15,6,5,6,89,105,50,1,12,15,6,5,3,2,5,8,5,3,4,39,26,3,3,19,3,3,12,12,11,1,1,60,15,88,12,95,31,19,85,0,1,3,3,43,30,4,12,42,394,127,11,0.0,0.4205403254830614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05243812560674917,0.0,0.059236076958796714,0.0,0.0,0.04730694240261276,0.049222437842557316,0.0,0.0,0.04022803250211638,0.06203010665036018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055578904234933946,0.045487226532956934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05033730380148015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060404775853390325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392649960491413,0.06634835871763456,0.09446232630160732,0.0,0.0,0.038150654029558084,0.0,0.0,0.060041981277863914,0.0,0.061805312455849526,0.0,0.12109711639728075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12224769170477193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04984138716155295,0.0,0.0,0.057865809761963274,0.16730071990179882,0.0,0.059821988995580624,0.042260978333464455,0.056798929531867486,0.06480238398079559,0.27033705047194195,0.05031796826344992,0.0,0.0,0.09140738492585578,0.05468866539423775,0.06181302000634449,0.0,0.03361965449889575,0.0496171523706577,0.09462473553655043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052311356549489214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058256633807980136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03251052908188263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427304559196688,0.0,0.041783553266780335,0.08670173665167434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04967604727742778,0.0,0.0645756399413134,0.10058444138679716,0.0,0.11194946344499294,0.11846104413319054,0.059974785727558926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05959333382312253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928266127232688,0.14165299668806292,0.0,0.08697276874746744,0.04386334152161502,0.045624667806833205,0.0,0.06291295818502532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299909026903687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26274245277216085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2074502029093248,0.05946800658370855,0.06626813321910878,0.0,0.17751568980102744,0.0,0.07579355347838747,0.0,0.05840930295513856,0.06351128542882839,0.06701208955318504,0.0,0.1125415924365866,0.09408627324349032,0.0,0.0,0.09427916787661572,0.0,0.0,0.13365863117148374,0.12144533824121242,0.048934361999991634,0.0,0.0,0.12060395663932405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610461171034906,0.047241968712827855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470694027632956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446279398903657,0.0,0.0,0.11790163062305414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724713705749329,0.0,0.0,0.11305197244579647,0.2628974735676527,0.04016296497761451,0.19303385788658228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0469551905548566,0.0,0.07203593511037129,0.053188247807577985,0.10967620199489088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0430661911359924,0.0,0.0602849038811496,0.04202264569550362,0.0,0.0,0.0761889049678565 ptsd,CessPoole,2018/12/10,"Just talk for awhile I really don’t know if this appropriate here, but I’m just looking for someone to talk to for a little while over PM. Things have been getting a little worse with depression and my moods so I think before I go to therapy I’d like to speak one on one with only one person about some things that I’ve been going through. Someone who can’t really do anything to me as I reveal some really deep secrets that I don’t want to discuss with friends, family or my girlfriend. If this isn’t accepted here, PLEASE let me know and I’ll remove this post as soon as possible. Thank you. ",3.7040404040404016,4.9833613140495885,4.8665564738292035,84.11781450872363,72.22314049586777,8.352984389348027,25.841138659320478,8.841846274778883,1.825638383838384,473,15,96,9,9,156,76,121,0.067,0.7829999999999999,0.15,0.8568,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,7,6,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,0,20,19,11,0,3,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,8,5,0,0,6,0,0,3,4,1,0,3,2,2,10,4,19,16,2,11,0,1,1,0,10,5,0,5,3,66,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368804950578593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14153982933711678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432650993899881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568069374306396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285109122409665,0.0,0.08690378349438457,0.0,0.1890653571320843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282801780788796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17009000333105712,0.0,0.08126345064293243,0.33342508061558224,0.0,0.0,0.1396804898712697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33814108059060793,0.1265061525949083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14523832766127398,0.0,0.18258716472296715,0.0,0.1875190390802449,0.15930407118878218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196776291344339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818721939301125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26738942530811743,0.0,0.15313999726390026,0.19021990660818308,0.0,0.2210127204106652,0.10658150130423433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810938262165844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951076761269646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bob74932,2019/05/13,"Nightmares that meds dont seem to help Its really weird before PTSD I used to never dream (or never remember them, if you believe everyone dreams). I would have maybe 1 or 2 dreams a year. Now pretty much every night is some form of a nightmare. Some are violent, some are just shitty like putting my dog to sleep, naked in school, that kind of thing. During shitty times I'll wake up 3 to 4 times a night. I've tried a lot of meds, prazosin, trazadone, gabapentine, hydroxyzine, vistaril. Probably some others I dont remember. The psyc isnt giving up and thinks there is something out there. I'm starting to give up and think it will just be like this forever which is a depressing thought. Im just tired of being tired. For those that prazosin helped (since I keep hearing great stories of it working). Did you tend to wake up paniced and moving around? Most of mine I just wake up calm and remembering a shitty dream, my hearts not pounding, no adrenaline, so maybe thats why it doesn't work for me. Also gave me heart palpitations which weren't comfortable. Any thoughts on what to do or some other med that helped anyone?",4.726944444444441,6.234709472222222,4.6981481481481495,85.4241666666667,70.01851851851852,7.992592592592592,27.38888888888889,8.472884824447931,1.8187277777777773,890,30,173,14,16,275,139,216,0.159,0.7559999999999999,0.085,-0.9407,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,2,1,2,10,10,1,1,7,0,17,8,6,1,2,35,31,10,0,2,9,0,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,17,6,0,1,8,4,0,2,9,4,0,0,5,1,13,6,24,22,9,20,0,1,0,0,10,9,0,12,11,108,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233061813130364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001084014092811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719863805021763,0.0,0.0,0.0916490413322778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760450636966534,0.11599156578630693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867234311953293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413177813587493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674143804537326,0.09837497732585936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752173725166106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350486201144698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603430306750658,0.2439970563184192,0.20701951785605632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120574686049936,0.0,0.0,0.0915084023003343,0.0,0.10720858839601027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059422160971747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875260460006978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20685809495557392,0.0,0.3430691432428309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942160457351273,0.07568151150659069,0.0,0.15880574443401385,0.0,0.0,0.19322681703805286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207919030828428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047391207605817,0.11099958907883466,0.0,0.12034529232257588,0.10349512127426676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595364011413067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3498733890829069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10419284558539807,0.0,0.09372356694555968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516289717125697,0.0,0.10302627678061783,0.0,0.0,0.07925742251153073,0.0,0.0,0.07286990320604424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839668510154072,0.13193487449609054,0.0,0.16346465901224405,0.12006419208866995,0.2366561884944477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06989759990090329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891740909531866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928981001853106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990045674950647,0.0,0.0,0.07313409448826473,0.0,0.0,0.06629766501675595 ptsd,president_gore,2019/05/13,Any sub Reddits for childhood sexual trauma? Im having a hard time coping lately,3.0440000000000005,6.125569733333336,5.428333333333337,69.5025,85.0,5.666666666666668,20.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,1.6543333333333337,66,2,8,1,2,23,15,15,0.276,0.7240000000000001,0.0,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3381548711415285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4454486309892397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5371277494187071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5609326300552777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899571789363596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,my-physics-book,2019/05/13,tribute to my father who fought in vietnam I am the Lorax I speak for the trees Unfortunately they aren’t trees they’re the Vietnamese,1.9280769230769224,4.749747576923081,2.8296153846153835,86.35288461538461,92.46153846153842,4.138461538461539,21.884615384615387,5.985473137389443,0.43603076923076944,111,4,20,1,4,35,21,26,0.19,0.81,0.0,-0.5719,1,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,4,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BufufterWallace,2019/05/13,"First Steps I’m coming to terms with the idea that I likely have ptsd. The online checklist of symptoms seems to be there. I’ll skip the story of how I got to this point and cut to the chase. Where do I start for treatment? Who should I talk to? Do I see a family doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist? Do I call a therapist or counsel or and just lay it out? Where am I supposed to turn? For what it’s worth, I live in Canada. I have bipolar so I see a psychiatrist twice a year for medication updates. I recently moved to a new city and haven’t started the process yet on getting set up with a new psychiatrist.",1.565833333333334,3.4748297500000014,3.596562500000001,88.27552083333336,79.625,6.766666666666668,23.947916666666664,7.793537801064563,1.157997916666667,480,17,105,8,12,163,80,128,0.027999999999999997,0.9540000000000001,0.018000000000000002,-0.2869,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,7,2,1,0,13,0,9,4,0,1,0,14,19,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,1,0,2,1,2,11,1,20,16,1,21,0,0,2,0,3,7,0,3,11,73,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1972245750259883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637894774339598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976940314810045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820817030773582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642906503124302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091128085147892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447721632506675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218039334659644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436181672480497,0.0,0.17055224699832694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945751767405577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20528458257889565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37308494974571743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825862464737655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257783844065052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070925750724127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3078261371815969,0.1758336792191562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734207329626092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075357864580268,0.0,0.1552441580160115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242584320197168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008835835382272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438026788189405 ptsd,SCAREWARE_,2019/05/13,"PTSD from bullying? apologies if this belongs in the CPTSD subreddit, i'm still fairly new to...well, all of this. from when i was 11 to 14 years old, i experienced a lot of emotional, verbal, and physical bullying. i knew this had caused my depression and generalized anxiety disorder and was diagnosed with these by the NHS at 15. but from 13 years old i was also displaying symptoms of PTSD - nightmares, self harm, gaps in memory, and hypervigilance. i could never figure out what was so traumatic in my life to cause this. for context, i'm 17 now and i live in the UK, and it's no secret young people's mental health services are a shambles here. i recently began seeing a counsellor privately who is very experienced in her field and is immensely helpful. after discussing my issues with bullying, she said i was almost certainly traumatized. however, she can't diagnose me since she isn't a psychiatrist and i'm not prepared to deal with the NHS a second time. i'm just really struggling to understand how the bullying could have traumatized me when it wasn't even that bad compared to some stories i've heard. i was verbally abused in all kinds of ways - called disgusting, gross, ostracized for my sexuality, just being ""weird"" in general. i was also punched, kicked and hit by people who were supposed to be my friends yet made no secret of how much they hated me. any tiny mistake or flaw, they'd point out. the one person who i call my ""abuser"" rather than just another bully emotionally abused and controlled me alongside the verbal and physical abuse - using her status and power to ensure everyone saw me as the bad guy, that i deserved what i was getting because i was ""coldhearted"", ""a backstabber"", ""not to be trusted"", and then whenever i tried to stand up for myself she would play the victim. i am not the only person she did this to. i remember wanting to attack her and get my revenge on her but telling myself to hold on for ""one more day"". but it just doesn't seem bad enough to be called traumatic. even though i display the symptoms - irritability, nightmares, flashbacks within the nightmares, constantly on guard, dissociating whenever there's a chance i could be criticised, self-harm. maybe it's from how my abuser controlled me in the past, telling me i was making a big deal out of nothing. am i making a big deal out of nothing?",6.856023615358481,7.599069075688074,7.352273190621815,71.11206082229019,64.6651376146789,10.95467210329596,34.955487597689434,10.825029732296443,4.046438260278626,1871,82,319,49,27,615,230,436,0.23399999999999999,0.701,0.064,-0.9982,3,0,0,0,5,0,68.0,0,0,2,3,21,18,4,1,22,0,33,6,0,11,4,69,54,30,0,8,13,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,0,4,17,21,0,4,7,1,0,0,10,13,0,3,20,6,49,5,54,23,7,43,0,1,2,0,34,21,0,6,20,231,66,1,0.0,0.4615531808836311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078015632994039,0.0,0.0,0.12460923295509707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298148663592958,0.08169545120926422,0.059600953611756276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886338975268615,0.0,0.0,0.19515484229968116,0.047493226301114314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386645300975896,0.0,0.0,0.16007010787744305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08419305578321114,0.17476542908377546,0.18661443900907146,0.0,0.0,0.05024551888071251,0.2409654351180252,0.06710378782067586,0.15815406475574084,0.0,0.0,0.08929163506599941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17527657678621794,0.0,0.08050187942933658,0.0,0.10291766954146067,0.0,0.0,0.07444636482019511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019308976420505,0.0,0.0814095417970117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771431708161581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692001700315784,0.0,0.08281471019200914,0.0,0.0,0.05222144550086255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131782135092251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08113129883781446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550301526401797,0.0,0.0,0.0687959768393975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623631464994806,0.0,0.07372034664009905,0.10401108938633294,0.0,0.07827108895823418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07851497758391933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05727283064168396,0.0,0.06008901199802125,0.07524598477464194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495135347852512,0.0,0.1635069245099581,0.0,0.1055876945235131,0.05925408252173394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07437393174025822,0.10802599899229684,0.13605605223197878,0.0,0.0,0.07365015357273433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18214529304464555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04991115511917639,0.0,0.07692674762974873,0.0,0.08825686732059303,0.0,0.07411027217589569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06208420052159759,0.07092635796974159,0.16255428906504465,0.0,0.0,0.06444797533172672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06221904424189807,0.0,0.0,0.08144847111593392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195668822913006,0.0,0.0,0.13619358657297773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654620108385136,0.0,0.04542996038752593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05289579081723282,0.0,0.0,0.08110708058850051,0.0,0.06728924423992289,0.0,0.06428392758086249,0.04595334957846232,0.061841349082602574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05534504430972599,0.0,0.0,0.10034299962714396 ptsd,IsaacTH,2019/05/13,"Recently Diagnosed I was recently diagnosed with PTSD, granted I sort of always knew it was there. I've been out of the Marines for a little over 5 years now and the memories haven't left me. What's worse, there are things in my current life that are bringing the past that much back to reality for me. A fellow Marine put a gun to me and expressed the intent on pulling the trigger on me. Just a young 20 year old high on power I guess. I had a panic attack about a month ago at my job reflecting on that, in addition to other failures. Since then I have a couple co-workers I see 6 days a week who have labeled me a freak for breaking down and crying. Last night things got about as bad as they've ever been before. I swore I would never go to these extremes, but I cut my wrist. Not really that deep, three cuts in relatively the same area, and afterwards I immediately panicked and bandaged my arm up. I'm so ashamed of myself. I didn't hurt myself to the point I have to go to the ER. However I can't stop looking at my arm and all I can think now is that I'm a cutter... I don't know why I did it. I don't know how I could have prevented it. All I can do now is apologize to myself and express shame for myself. I feel so alone.",2.460769230769234,3.633470461538465,4.320769230769233,87.2392307692308,75.15384615384616,7.507692307692308,24.92307692307693,8.07648339933343,1.2950615384615385,960,31,212,15,20,327,150,260,0.157,0.802,0.040999999999999995,-0.9808,4,1,0,1,0,2,26.0,0,0,0,1,13,9,3,3,18,0,24,6,3,3,4,33,38,14,0,2,3,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,14,10,0,2,6,0,0,5,7,9,1,1,9,3,34,0,33,27,4,48,0,1,2,0,5,19,0,2,23,150,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638049852779049,0.0,0.0,0.1476604528286104,0.0,0.0,0.11863040795826835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16219497827580753,0.0,0.1096282199137518,0.11904074434435045,0.0,0.0,0.12131733305427515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138312606711043,0.15775198650390204,0.15660743645094147,0.0919464343858288,0.0,0.0,0.28941292003450464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12896353925907778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208812962617038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620526533601216,0.0,0.11402697094716906,0.0,0.15705791734260827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15063398104884745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262509465188664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147961686363006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670647359072415,0.11621431026602225,0.0,0.0,0.1549036974496035,0.0,0.1007020413299924,0.0,0.14289349416038066,0.0,0.0,0.11972364662484003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11379873029563248,0.0,0.10480601418781894,0.0,0.10995946548192942,0.0,0.0,0.1337931294236485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496041740734665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727622977207066,0.0,0.0,0.13610005403679473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347755812624539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16665774987195806,0.14332313048076806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133456776874664,0.0,0.2815431230890933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136105467078174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793611982008638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191956543345736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894355386527291,0.09135367445126416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436177434794648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286480596412931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379331149775713,0.0,0.14529192487419915,0.1012782751290964,0.0,0.0,0.18362196742754786 ptsd,Dayumson112,2019/05/13,"My life went to shit. I could use some advice, please. Hi. I'm a 22 year old male who experienced a lot of emotional and physical abuse throughout my child hood. These past experiences led me to develop PTSD and I just recently found out I have it after being diagnosed by a psychiatrist. I got a new job 3 weeks ago and I thought everything was going good until last week when me and a coworker got into an altercation and we almost broke out into a fight. He continuously goes on these white-privelege talks and I told him that I don't want to talk about that anymore and he kept yelling at me to ""stop cutting him off"" so I got in his face and told him if he spoke to me like that I'd beat his ass. Long story short, he started taking off his apron, acting like he was going to fight. I asked him to please touch me so I could beat his ass without going to jail. My managers saw this go down, asked us what happened, and I'll be honest, I might've initiated it, but I don't take kindly to blatant disrespect. So now I'm here. I'm about go to homeless because my ex girlfriend and I are not in a healthy relationship, about to lose my job because I've called out twice since that incident, and I don't know what to do. I don't want to go back into work and work around a coworker who is so hostile and doesn't understand boundaries. All I did was literally ask to stop talking about that subject before he got all aggressive and asking me to stop cutting him off. Since the first day of work I knew this guy would be a problem, and he's also tried to fight a person while at the bar with a couple of co workers before too. I seriously think I'm on the verge of being homeless right now. I have no family or friends to go to, but I do have $2,500 saved up. I am seriously considering moving to Colorado to get away from everyone and anything here. How stupid of an idea is this? I am in therapy for my PTSD, and today I will be going in soon for a visit with my therapist. It took me 3 months to get my first appointment with her which is another reason I'm not too sure about moving to another state, since I'll have to wait longer to get treatment for my PTSD.",4.771613519348946,4.8068423878923765,5.9593971101145975,81.75794137186514,69.06726457399104,9.297990367048664,29.298787576814483,9.150863307647796,2.184609300780601,1699,57,363,30,27,571,226,446,0.15,0.805,0.045,-0.9906,2,0,0,0,5,0,39.0,2,0,0,9,22,22,9,0,17,0,30,7,4,4,4,66,75,30,0,7,8,1,1,2,2,2,2,2,0,4,18,28,1,5,8,1,0,15,9,14,0,3,18,5,51,8,66,48,4,68,0,2,1,2,45,24,3,5,30,230,69,7,0.0,0.08978701425374107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405142628838833,0.06717447691920274,0.0,0.07588281309468965,0.0,0.0,0.06060131009208605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589240621882183,0.0,0.0,0.07515348593943844,0.0,0.0,0.062360556670969285,0.06746034585288778,0.28337661601029496,0.0,0.0711978884928645,0.05827021110120281,0.0,0.09238967823145457,0.0,0.1289665491762816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737994397059329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210084701628773,0.08384922752962981,0.0,0.04887188851447418,0.0,0.0,0.07691519555409049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08524240082216507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241112287920022,0.06810625799905952,0.07412746846477061,0.07143872400454968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891701061485888,0.0,0.08308895658471208,0.0585475090680614,0.0,0.11877590696685712,0.0,0.3445405691429936,0.06356074360313002,0.24243304045435066,0.0,0.0,0.07503420260682267,0.06701208276394938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554649691665189,0.0,0.0,0.15040009128392096,0.0,0.0,0.07891330172645898,0.04164675529822739,0.061770887071863664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05352571820683767,0.07404464773385012,0.0,0.0,0.06706299443375441,0.0,0.08477853621095745,0.0,0.0644255220623167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039069939532355,0.0,0.0,0.06048694435239611,0.16108448448565213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318888253097038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951845621264587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234067000128608,0.0,0.06616825106520277,0.0,0.16636756359312174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251131120425497,0.2657486076394535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791455303033666,0.07482369607661335,0.08135945607862499,0.0,0.0647157822681966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0777871727510708,0.18805821905472173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05363753729538357,0.0,0.0,0.1900666437679798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142183741246028,0.0,0.11395439251831008,0.18272749601500687,0.0,0.0,0.08666113649700005,0.08798652451061015,0.0,0.0485568214035917,0.0,0.0601609262431348,0.0,0.0,0.07183066399125007,0.14482224575840044,0.08419446760323385,0.05144970634778508,0.0,0.0,0.07888974556449957,0.09115411695804454,0.06544966627818218,0.0,0.0,0.08939412021187679,0.0,0.12157243341916275,0.0,0.0,0.07024890205594392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304930193567975,0.0,0.1655064227976725,0.0,0.0,0.053832001252789266,0.0,0.0,0.04879989300765444 ptsd,idkimtiredlol,2019/05/13,"i had a panic attack because something reminded me of my ex? ptsd-induced maybe? i just had a full-blown panic attack and i cried just because something reminded me of him. i also try to avoid anything that reminds me of him, but i saw him online. for reference i was already told that i meet criteria for ptsd and im just curious if thats what could be making me feel this way.",1.6108116883116883,3.8809798701298703,3.794918831168832,84.99809253246755,81.46753246753245,6.447402597402598,26.508116883116887,7.645422480735847,1.7598844155844162,298,13,57,5,8,102,49,77,0.16899999999999998,0.79,0.040999999999999995,-0.7359,0,1,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,2,3,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,12,9,5,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,5,2,15,0,6,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,41,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398591148206985,0.14782399985275413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521153075096781,0.0,0.0,0.4205857605970877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253649592810712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14758720602209532,0.0,0.20304838804218325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934654116642483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996690742843032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338841109527235,0.0,0.18570606957842825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4337618900189669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321581175596214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846122008944201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663152498794754,0.0,0.12550061000368426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467248511348264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Renee_Away_,2019/05/13,"!7 yr old went thru an extremely tragic event and can't leave the house with out a panic attack-every time My 17 yr old daughter's first cousin was killed in a mass shooting (family dynamics not part of this issue). She was at the staging center/family reunification center when the police told her aunt and uncle her cousin was murdered. That same day, she had a psychologist appointment and I made her go. (She has 24/7 migraines, goes to children's hospital, has a psychiatrist, goes to another big hospital for her medical issues, so she's covered there). This past Thursday, I went with her to her college (she graduated early. She was on independent study due to her med issues). We were waiting in a room, and she turned to me and said ""I don't feel safe. We have to go. I have to go..WE HAVE TO GO..I DON'T FEEL SAFE! WE HAVE TO GO!!"" On our way home, I asked her if that happens often. She said every time she leaves the house. OMG. Every time she's in class, every time she goes to the store, every time she leaves the house, she has a panic attack and doesn't feel safe. (I don't leave often- I am disabled). She has a psychologist appointment this Thursday and I am going with her. She's a suffer in silence type, because she's trained that way due to growing up with 24/7 pain. I can't believe she's been struggling this whole time. It got triggered more, I suppose, by a dog attack,a month or so after the shooting. She was babysitting a 4 year old, and a pit bull attacked the little girl. It lunged at her, and bit her on the neck. My daughter scooped her up and ran away as the dog let go to get a better bite. She said since then it got worse. This poor kid. She's been dealt such a shitty hand. She just want's to go to college and get her PhD in Psychology. I told he she sure will have a lot of experience and empathy with the people she will be helping due to her experiences, but that doesn't help in the moment",2.0371423608698684,4.118390200514138,3.495360244563333,88.72830820537762,78.87146529562982,6.261960675328286,22.338706315570068,7.329194593529364,0.7719083026471205,1504,46,314,20,37,494,182,389,0.10300000000000001,0.8640000000000001,0.033,-0.9742,1,0,0,2,0,0,65.0,4,0,0,2,8,16,4,3,27,0,31,6,3,3,1,42,58,20,2,2,5,5,4,0,0,2,3,3,2,3,12,21,0,4,3,0,2,10,8,10,0,1,20,7,55,6,42,34,6,58,0,2,0,0,58,20,0,5,25,198,67,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664686848259543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833430356398924,0.3326261419103742,0.06867550602989353,0.0,0.0,0.04455825895117711,0.0,0.0,0.0823534508517079,0.0,0.06464691450914904,0.0798012122291165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04714046645785607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307930007947156,0.0,0.0,0.14300259502901672,0.1378156185526216,0.0,0.11087764564285774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217488416614971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763786275855261,0.0,0.33233426488615564,0.0,0.11692208915182065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06463799406625034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09798857111451373,0.0,0.07332061568856303,0.0,0.0,0.25302672814807337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288777257283288,0.0,0.0,0.08086919664521494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30958976969614943,0.0,0.07474496792929135,0.0,0.0,0.07326076332930066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062143069443879526,0.0,0.06916460622686739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119247761754456,0.07363589499734895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05834402676168025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23010388375492435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777862701773662,0.17152333424214367,0.0,0.0791551623443948,0.06977780133715285,0.05067512581731498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20859130590239336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046524520156207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764151511660117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688915209385327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557349875017783,0.0,0.0,0.13969151645333586,0.0,0.0,0.07950677242110347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04311354291260368,0.11603940439178348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355202801335851,0.0,0.08160836993656377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744904264845005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047071021591338434 ptsd,RedShirtCapnKirk,2019/05/13,"I’ve been having nightmares and flashbacks So recently I have been having a rough time with depression and having a lot of panic attacks. I was in a small car accident which triggered a chain of events including ending a relationship I’d been in for six months. I’m a recovering addict and while I was in the throes of addiction I did and saw a lot of things that most people would have a hard time with. I won’t go into detail, but after everything that’s happened lately I’ve begun having nightmares about these things along with intrusive thoughts about them. I think I want to talk to someone about them but it seems like whenever I do I have more nightmares. I won’t see my therapist again for two more weeks and I’m having a hard time coping with this newest problem.",5.583841059602651,6.5379656953642415,5.9281390728476815,79.45551986754967,67.54304635761589,8.953907284768214,29.00728476821192,9.120678840339163,2.372700132450332,624,21,115,11,10,200,89,151,0.11,0.855,0.035,-0.7992,0,0,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,5,5,1,1,10,0,18,2,0,1,0,23,28,9,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,3,2,0,0,0,8,11,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,4,0,2,8,5,13,1,21,17,5,21,0,1,2,0,4,5,0,4,15,87,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36785977380001855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191943548071163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453184332711032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943598984412354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163480765129306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958875595007479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919868715095622,0.0,0.30228026060491925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19032369817633132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242815158693023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2868797062933169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467082822868792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979567640856327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696932048051592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144241439827872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659081111889526,0.18114231842346246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444812943789944,0.15359650405029046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14295605063278602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561087984612022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589711888526287,0.22418036493057225,0.10810907088440376,0.0,0.13394496698273078,0.2951462599127414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648150879107983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951552633879612,0.0,0.13533714154042156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985396636478818,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,smzzzy,2019/05/13,"Is this PTSD? Hi everyone, I would like some advice right now... as this week has been very tough for me. Before anyone asks, I have made an appointment to see a therapist... but the earliest appointment I could get is only in a couple of weeks. Recently, my health anxiety has been extremely debilitating and I’ve had more panic attacks than ever before. This week, I found out my bfs brother, who just turned 18, was arrested. Finding out sparked something in me that I don’t understand. I cannot stop thinking about it, my heart races and I am constantly anxious. I’ve been aggressive when speaking with my bf which isn’t in my nature at all and I hate myself for it because I know he needs me. When I was 11 (I’m 25 now), my brother was arrested shortly after his 18th birthday. The cops at my house, the visits from parole officers and surprise calls during the night to make sure he was respecting curfew made me so anxious I wouldn’t sleep. When he wouldn’t make it home in time I would physically throw up from stress. This went on for a couple of years as I was transitioning to highschool. It’s been around 15 years since this happened and I thought I put it behind me. Also, from everything I hear about PTSD, there has to be a traumatic event and I feel like I can’t even compare myself to those who have experienced horrific traumatic experiences. But I’m feeling so sick and I can’t shake this feeling and I just want to know why. Is this just my anxiety? Is this PTSD? I’m just scared. Thank you everyone who takes the time to read this, I am truly so appreciative ❤️",3.287482676224613,5.312348706451616,4.456164874551972,83.56387694145761,74.83870967741936,8.07646356033453,26.64277180406213,8.841846274778883,2.112090800477897,1249,47,245,27,27,409,170,310,0.195,0.701,0.10400000000000001,-0.9886,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,1,0,0,19,14,3,4,10,0,32,4,2,4,3,44,60,19,0,7,6,2,3,2,1,4,2,2,1,0,20,12,0,1,10,1,0,5,7,8,0,0,15,7,38,6,34,39,3,37,0,0,1,0,17,13,0,1,21,163,58,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09945742646373952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813927650578559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572157213403076,0.2299629824373167,0.0,0.07116636178091912,0.0,0.0,0.0906050392703118,0.09514978428176024,0.115788498596497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06204363703224384,0.0,0.17321315366742066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10392791162795396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099871244907708,0.0,0.0812623849798905,0.225233430308072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0672241815364414,0.09206508575812236,0.0,0.19450871616889168,0.09147255476595843,0.09955955763858323,0.0,0.0,0.15438781862623666,0.0727110590098259,0.0,0.0,0.09302431701559837,0.0,0.0,0.11159560596834392,0.0,0.0,0.05317541527070956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000298343642582,0.0,0.0,0.10048585845063923,0.0,0.10818649774405677,0.11471252108375332,0.12060880587620985,0.0,0.0,0.10209280555028667,0.0,0.0,0.11743949644199896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187033957714076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944832228272232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926118221504016,0.13587677190636555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075467964527002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551285584284798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07740764473124093,0.0,0.11941592583251807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569232076531468,0.10231617691824214,0.0,0.0,0.10180671236434467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004946511266844,0.0,0.0,0.08691885462024945,0.0,0.0,0.10189870416477292,0.0,0.08110482067857892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841927807471534,0.0,0.10185267317459996,0.0,0.0,0.07835457714266153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509194305114873,0.11658769475840974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592566272378183,0.0,0.07652526887174292,0.0,0.0,0.09370458479048167,0.0,0.1181734603900022,0.0,0.06521598213723971,0.0,0.08080129172009312,0.11869650441527248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107065097652305,0.0,0.1059557048593224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397847399431152,0.060031991164075475,0.0,0.24492333158544916,0.0,0.0,0.09435030978576912,0.09183986971463323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460200361690426,0.0,0.0,0.13108489636230564 ptsd,nattikuva_ja_nimi,2018/12/11,Can somebody tell me if sleep paralysis can cause ptsd. Everytime time when I talk about my sleep paralysis or I draw something from my sleep paralysis I get this uncontrollable fear and panic and I start crying. It goes for 30 mins or less. It horrifying and my gf is worried too. If somebody knows pls answer asap. ,3.683785310734464,6.4039184237288165,4.445000000000004,80.7084039548023,76.62711864406779,8.001129943502825,26.78248587570621,8.841846274778883,2.4411672316384183,253,10,45,6,6,81,43,59,0.26899999999999996,0.7120000000000001,0.019,-0.9501,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,0,0,3,3,3,1,0,10,6,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,0,3,6,1,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,4,27,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312477233208144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472703522473565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533088629914669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760953651361003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371336190142485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26411550559610103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26313897634420513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6758111219491597,0.0,0.0,0.17329898515234218,0.0,0.0,0.15933246216680402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093312577789133,0.19675414256614931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312621706760353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2286079017713214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RemarkableRaccoon0,2018/12/11,"I'm not convinced life is worth seeing through Today I went to the doctor because my body has been in overdrive, reacting to emotions I don't even feel. I'm shaky all the time and it's come to my attention my thinking is sometimes distorted and I've made some bad financial decisions. I love my partner very much, and the cats.. They are why I am still here. I would never want to break her heart. But I'm having such a hard time living this way. I suppose I don't really want to die, but if this is it, man I can't live in torture. I have impulsive suicidal thoughts. My doctor gave me some meds, but only a small amount because of this. I'm going to start them tomorrow. I have a hard time eating consistently, and most foods I'm not terribly interested in. My parents and my brother abused and neglected me as a child. I saw domestic violence, my parents broke up and I was later molested for years by her boyfriend. I eventually told the police, and he killed himself shortly after. When I met his daughter she revealed he had molested her and he even went to prison for it. But of course she did nothing to protect me. It's been swept under the rug since, so I'm the only one really dealing with it. Last year in remembrance day I was assaulted by a solider in uniform while I was out at a pub with my friends. That's really fucked with me. Last month was the anniversary, and I've been struggling more so since. I've thought about suing the children's services, and other players involved in permitting my childhood suffering but fuck that's a lot of effort and most of all money. I'm just seeing barriers ahead, pain everyday... I've been using medical cannabis to deal with these symptoms, but my partner doesn't want us spending too much on it, so I've not been using as much. Especially with fucking Christmas and all this other garbage. I like having baths but seen our water bill increased. It's like the things that help me I should be discouraged from doing because of cost. Here I am the world's fucking punching bag. Completely on the hook for all of this, no accountability. Great. This is why I'm not sure life is worth living. It's been so hard and I'm not sure I see it getting better without me having to.. I don't even know. Fuck everybody ",2.9335086951766414,5.104161273542601,4.156474898829707,84.6377266761457,76.39910313901345,7.310860767800503,27.918407524882426,8.25429008570747,2.0561864377119115,1792,76,345,33,41,586,227,446,0.21899999999999997,0.6920000000000001,0.09,-0.9962,2,0,0,0,2,1,51.0,2,0,2,3,15,29,10,2,18,0,35,18,2,5,7,70,75,30,3,6,15,4,4,2,3,2,7,0,2,5,22,21,3,4,8,2,7,5,13,19,0,1,22,9,49,10,46,50,15,43,0,4,5,6,32,15,5,7,23,228,71,3,0.0,0.09914312829333476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986649414967767,0.15302549814155386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07400518279463011,0.0,0.09294587674072106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208001088842912,0.08773335865281301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396450648459091,0.1725338706901822,0.0,0.0,0.08684313517445898,0.0,0.0,0.17129316100382494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856220863969391,0.0,0.0941249505954214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580288259738982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042309420312584486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118211788378699,0.0,0.06464835979940314,0.3867884985686509,0.04371758759863079,0.0,0.04755535938675442,0.0,0.0,0.09225378430365988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22487348468510035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991572140850552,0.056086683890287765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092575797710145,0.0,0.04598648967059552,0.1364152496362513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182065623025722,0.08176035332866645,0.0,0.22166400234082648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113888185588263,0.07552142906866523,0.07917685423352326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294587674072106,0.08429540544821787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678989087502196,0.0,0.18453586166907573,0.0,0.06453657858163005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802899870196184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056701452713969126,0.12727970142268946,0.08903783813453843,0.0,0.18582599901715016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608161830596279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000383307569628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384363525417892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827583305550149,0.0,0.059226752171382825,0.0,0.0668242679397591,0.0,0.0,0.08747698592049058,0.0,0.0915286562436023,0.0,0.1577284743987176,0.08697206185603451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055591037446541584,0.053616608302934535,0.0,0.13285980112698634,0.14637755444904582,0.0,0.07931566490622224,0.07995660959600125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065268777617807,0.14453949080511705,0.0,0.0690419863118196,0.14806394002237264,0.06641861718070556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15513815593234664,0.1510102940938534,0.0,0.0,0.08066128909332658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0594414799383962,0.0,0.0,0.10777001759933913 ptsd,gracoy,2018/12/11,"Does anyone else feel like they have to mimic other people’s emotions? Or have other issues with reading and understanding other people’s emotions? I only recently found out I have ptsd, and my therapist and I are trying to figure out what is a part of my ptsd and what isn’t. I’m wondering if anyone else feels like emotional growth was at some point stunted and thus feels either confused by people who have subtile emotions, or attempts to mimic people’s emotions (with varying levels of success). I’m having trouble figuring out if this is related to certain events or if it’s something I’ve always had, so I think knowing if other people have this kind of symptom will be helpful in figuring out if it’s a product of ptsd, or if I was just too young to know that reading emotions was something I had a hard time with.",7.01352201257862,7.0053333710691845,7.4786163522012625,72.91088050314467,64.34591194968553,9.079245283018867,35.905660377358494,8.515128840125781,3.1763509433962267,662,29,109,8,9,218,86,159,0.042,0.8640000000000001,0.095,0.7941,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,2,3,7,0,1,3,0,17,1,0,1,1,40,28,16,0,6,12,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,12,12,0,0,12,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,6,4,9,5,19,20,3,13,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,13,6,81,21,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032953170613291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350068959978328,0.1978345529807613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448334940767327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129460471012014,0.6515712384332891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644151851382872,0.13793728014158246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058518097016365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864814353333332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470914433568704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007633279468211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053220236025792,0.1061124028443921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432974348832203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734234937697054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10454408645417057,0.0,0.33464556054293154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126209303809607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33855246473876244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931334957148184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953222180639592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486433756416886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034267161922528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209110369932268,0.0,0.06185933281866534,0.0,0.0,0.05629361339360865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655447456483389,0.0,0.0,0.10050219280814032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046941870558104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bigpapa211194,2018/12/11,"I am a male who was molested between the ages of 2 and 4 I live in Africa. Here it is common for us to have live in helpers. We had 2 female helpers and 1 male helper. All of whom lived with us. The male helper and I used to spend lots of time together. I grew attached to him. I don’t remember exact moments but I remember singular pictures here and there of it. He was a well loved member of our family. In the beginning I never told anyone what he was doing to me. I loved and adored him, but absolutely hated what he did to me. He basically used my mouth as a whole. Slowly after he left us, I was always confused as to what to make of it. Never telling anyone as I was scared that nobody would believe me. Eventually I told my older sister. This was when I was about 18 years old. She then forced me to tell my parents. After I told my parents, nothing was ever said about it. My biggest fear of not being believed was coming to life. This year when I am 24 years old I found out through my counsellor (whom I begged to see) that my dad doesn’t believe me. I have lost my ability to do anything. The whole in my body and feeling of worthlessness has never been greater. I have this hatred that has built up for my father. I love my mother with all of my heart, and she really tries to love and support me. My biggest fear is losing my mother. My girlfriend and I have been together for over 7 years, she gives me an infinite amount of love and support. I constantly don’t understand how I deserve it. I hate myself. I have a about 7 friends whom I keep in close contact with who would do absolutely anything for me. I don’t understand why. I am worthless in my opinion. I don’t deserve the love and support that I get from these people. I won’t commit suicide because of these people as I feel like it would be unfair on them. However I constantly feel like a burden to everyone. This writing is terrible, but I don’t have good words for how I feel. If there was a way of wiping myself from history I would.",2.307474870958977,4.136761496332522,3.987532599837,86.70934019288241,77.06845965770171,6.98943221950557,25.297541428959516,7.8897218956490685,1.4404701983156754,1568,57,322,25,36,525,185,409,0.15,0.679,0.171,0.7714,3,0,0,0,0,2,43.0,5,0,1,2,13,32,3,4,12,0,44,10,3,5,8,55,76,24,1,5,5,7,4,2,2,5,1,1,0,3,24,18,0,1,9,0,1,2,11,13,1,1,20,6,72,19,56,49,7,41,0,4,1,6,52,14,0,4,26,245,96,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154924407248584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10344355577271358,0.0,0.12174256547931216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0450916294375448,0.0,0.0,0.25001771003511153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216436638285107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637188935237843,0.0,0.15987130663734345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691040257655413,0.0,0.07068182469140337,0.0,0.0,0.06973264832104342,0.16647438292690342,0.1496064950447102,0.10568884371425924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110465394811885,0.05714929706269972,0.0,0.0386464468439896,0.07095908525050014,0.0,0.06204280720941771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14606078269122186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765520271882983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06574823217247577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08036898503636669,0.0,0.052247434929142536,0.07227633825250407,0.0,0.19595148209776875,0.0,0.0,0.08275388359953123,0.08074735827993618,0.06288693331903633,0.4005666901220841,0.0,0.04937577277092496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711514466360471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097653109192786,0.0,0.15523884614052127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642706056697529,0.0,0.0,0.10256343263138032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047387290498327655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675879390171211,0.0,0.07036272729260068,0.0,0.07405720921834506,0.0,0.058944779748105275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091154024086541,0.2518219775333265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930666572497732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04313269699069898,0.0,0.0,0.21204547407421007,0.0,0.05022100169009967,0.0,0.0,0.15401145415854556,0.2669316145867512,0.12777323853140124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058714208613053126,0.0,0.0,0.06650821433444051,0.0,0.06674672167610783,0.16517047401756227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21018561370383124,0.0,0.0,0.19053788121918816 ptsd,Geister1902,2018/12/11,"I'm a 17 year old venezuelan with flashbacks and recurring nightmares I am from Venezuela but I moved away with my brother and father for a year now, In Venezuela I took part in the protest against Nicolas Maduro where I was severely injured due to a molotov cocktail and had 3rd degree burns in mi right arm, apart for the protests my mother and grandmother got killed when getting mugged in Caracas in a zone called Petare with me watching from a far. I've always been a happy guy even after the things that happened and tried to be thankful for the things I have left like my father and brother and tried to make the most out of this but lately I've been having terrible nightmares where I find myself being the murderer or see myself burning in the ground, I've also been having a lot of flashbacks of the incident wich have seriously affected my life, I recently broke up with my girlfriend and my grades went down by a lot, I believe I am going crazy, that I've lost control and that no one is trying to help, I've been thinking of ending it all each time I look at the scars. I came to reddit because this is a place where I found some confort by reading other stories and I need to tell mine and I hope to get some comfort or advice or anything really. The fact that you are taking some time to read my story is making me better so thank you for it, I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes please understand english is not my first language. ",10.667365556978233,7.007391517605632,9.561485275288096,72.49644686299615,59.88028169014085,11.876568501920614,42.015364916773365,8.841846274778883,3.7934901408450687,1157,46,217,11,11,363,167,284,0.16,0.7290000000000001,0.111,-0.9222,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,4,8,16,4,0,19,0,19,3,1,4,2,43,42,19,2,3,6,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,11,18,1,1,4,3,0,5,2,9,0,2,12,3,29,7,38,28,9,39,0,2,3,0,12,20,0,10,15,153,40,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12127599565930387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924838167267544,0.10326702698899982,0.0,0.0,0.08439706565119988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021295467110556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11660268071252787,0.0,0.0,0.07565451995837734,0.0,0.0,0.13982617224628324,0.0,0.10976262087212288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672719783341116,0.1419454293440658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13919663573521696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992203000543456,0.0,0.0,0.0819715514274447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11343161659935468,0.10556541314174284,0.0,0.1360770000413039,0.0,0.0,0.12968164692866674,0.0,0.07053290980026647,0.0,0.09925976390823402,0.0,0.0,0.12288551464499292,0.10974747504189518,0.1321142872806034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08318635516255979,0.0,0.0,0.1232663268507162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13730608860451746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999818439658598,0.0,0.1348426982637645,0.0,0.0876604961480864,0.06063244711988204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421868439985513,0.0,0.13547753108006338,0.21102279120322828,0.0,0.0,0.16568487025877773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190617804701527,0.0,0.09202382229073684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13022949636274014,0.0,0.08409816477871866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439586622884456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966547674572035,0.13623229781957735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482813168564675,0.0,0.07950616909386092,0.0,0.12254076248661452,0.0,0.0,0.10598676248153442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889726921649253,0.0,0.0,0.14020566714561253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13892770775424787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933130737994727,0.0,0.10847505229757982,0.2285222375515717,0.0,0.0,0.16490244971262968,0.07952280134130213,0.0,0.0,0.14473566495800405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788752491845382,0.2527816684883293,0.0,0.0,0.129199840167617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504850031691324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984177237917185 ptsd,ms_noms,2018/12/11,"I think I have PTSD but it's just now showing 10 years later? When I was 8 years old, 2 weeks from my 9th birthday, I had gotten bitten by a dog on my face. My eyebrow had 16 stitches and my nose had 4. I've never really been around too many dogs since then, I am 18 now. No dog has ever gotten close to my face or tried to lick my face. I recently thought it would be good to foster a dog who was going to be put down for not being good with other animals. She's around 6 years old and loves licks, she tried to lick my face and it felt like when I was 8 again. I remember thinking about if I was going to die, I have nightmares she's gonna bite me in my sleep and things of that nature. Are these signs of PTSD? Should I speak to a doctor about this?",0.9621298701298712,2.2860563515151533,2.7373376623376657,96.42886363636364,79.42424242424242,5.683982683982682,17.846320346320347,6.1826913282559595,-0.4634588744588744,578,10,142,4,14,192,103,165,0.051,0.846,0.10300000000000001,0.8552,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,12,4,0,0,3,0,18,8,6,0,2,23,28,10,1,3,5,0,1,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,9,8,0,0,5,1,0,3,3,0,0,0,12,6,23,4,20,10,0,25,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,2,17,92,32,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2869793926012685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16728560005823082,0.0,0.0,0.1649806813562827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458019476809986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547638188795948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321141481169684,0.2703903065111604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874732838745735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14547664076875014,0.0,0.0,0.163417285364062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431656517288335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33827514484227644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3768355717758229,0.1620364305437821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325986668629712,0.0,0.1591517103920186,0.0,0.182592294887064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333470894563584,0.0,0.16130238736091893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10708480340354344,0.20656293614976348,0.0,0.1279636640852285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21886940083881806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929367118785678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145018960896335,0.0,0.0,0.3113954607841089 ptsd,spoppysnek,2018/12/11,"TW: abuse. There is so much to say. But I am scared to reach out on Reddit, because I worry my abuser will find out and kill me My therapist is out of office until the end of December. Even then, most she could advise was to go to my mother’s city where I felt safe. My family can’t handle my flashbacks or terrors. Everything is a mess. There’s no way to control how scared I feel. No one to talk to.",1.0047352941176475,2.7894985764705886,3.130220588235293,91.54474264705885,80.88235294117645,6.132352941176473,18.86029411764705,7.1686216300943375,0.2257352941176469,309,7,69,4,8,105,63,85,0.315,0.645,0.04,-0.9812,0,0,0,0,2,1,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,1,3,2,0,8,0,0,2,0,14,11,7,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,2,3,11,1,14,7,2,10,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,2,3,50,11,1,0.0,0.4872081424397137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533272179132046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23059948342131956,0.16415600980146886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821018388985598,0.0,0.0,0.13579780369383224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847813056488796,0.0,0.19382272765056235,0.0,0.10395825930167464,0.0,0.19740961286886127,0.0,0.18791597981730915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168480292518229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274675169810367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114070590835338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932084818158486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350250726864926,0.41168579247997295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16525463926320186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23871910388619794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631968430746072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20879822960839745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shouldhavebeeninat10,2018/12/11,"Look For Me - a new musical dealing with trauma, PTSD and healing methods This is an excerpt from a longer show that hasn't yet been performed, the longer show includes representation of a wide range of trauma experiences and a few different healing methods. The healing strategy included in the excerpt is EMDR. Content notes: explosion sound effect, old fashioned airplane engine sound effect, conflict between a couple, staged suicide attempt with a firearm. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eqNEAOi30A https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nKxBGgMfhZs",14.591168831168833,17.63341175324676,9.725090909090913,52.7676363636364,48.35064935064935,10.835324675324678,50.46493506493506,10.793553405168565,6.640918961038962,463,27,44,9,5,126,57,77,0.162,0.838,0.0,-0.9146,1,0,2,1,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,4,1,2,0,0,10,0,4,3,0,2,0,7,5,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,4,0,1,2,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,8,4,1,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,29,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3564182158769121,0.0,0.0,0.3320902365612337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365454830894625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315093899324826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704985811842558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111042486884617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33800939051683504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765395237666607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35234557692907953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JonUnit,2018/12/11,"first time being triggered this badly some context: this summer starting two days after my birthday i was admitted into the hospital for an ileostomy surgery that had complications (post-op ileus) that preceded a two month hospital stay. it was basically severe intestinal blockage that caused me to be unable to consume anything whatsoever, not even my own saliva. que the NG (nasal-gastric) tube. the tube entered into my nose and down my throat and into my stomach to suction out any gastric juices that entered my stomach through swallowing and general hydrochloric acid production. it was there to prevent more vomiting bc of the blockage. i had a dream one night while the tube was still in my face that i pulled the whole damn thing out—and sure enough, because of a mix of opiates and trauma my dream became in instant reality. i woke up screaming with the tube in my hand and nurses came rushing in so they could shove it back down. bout to trigger myself again. jesus christ anyway i was watching Iron Man 1 the other day after the hype from the new avengers trailer. and sure enough when he’s in the cave after surgery was performed on him to remove the shrapnel, he wakes up and IMMEDIATELY yanks his NG tube out of his nose. a long fuckin tube of plastic just keeps coming out of his face. it was horrifying. everything in my immediate vicinity lost color and i couldn’t breathe. it took about two minutes for me to breathe normally after an intense wave of anxiety forced its way through me. the pain in my throat returned full force. even now as i’m typing this i’m recalling the intense pain i endured just to swallow my saliva or say simple phrases to my family. i’ve never been triggered like that before and i can’t stop thinking about it. for days now i’ve been trying to forget the pain but it keeps me up at night. what the actual fuck. i was never diagnosed with PTSD, and the last thing i want to do is belittle those with a serious condition. but i’d be kidding myself if i didn’t take this seriously. should i mention it to a psychiatrist? i’ve suffered from onset depression and anxiety due to crohn’s disease but everything since this hospital stay has been worse when it comes to my mental health. i want it all to stop. what do i do? ",4.815589609675643,6.7557435303738345,5.337636063771303,79.21541781198461,70.47196261682242,8.212864211105003,31.279824079164378,8.841846274778883,2.7539819131390884,1813,80,319,34,34,581,230,428,0.136,0.823,0.04,-0.9916,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,1,3,16,17,3,0,25,0,26,23,13,4,5,56,43,21,0,7,8,0,1,1,0,1,6,2,0,2,28,23,2,5,2,2,0,9,6,14,0,5,18,8,39,3,59,19,8,65,2,3,2,2,12,21,3,3,33,224,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.10181768656687827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095261616870006,0.0,0.15963476502509602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586031364195694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022857505153425,0.08711688741580312,0.06360275768613396,0.0,0.08878294993437147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933352762256433,0.0,0.10718265610735593,0.0,0.1797538654235197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833044616354011,0.0,0.0,0.20186585400131346,0.0,0.0898651510748188,0.10589967708195597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156156542476179,0.0,0.13782697254478904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875424141459448,0.0,0.0983594691364787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874884667545119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09645770978960204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11090516175495503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18547872105396895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504843479694486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05097370050335194,0.0,0.0,0.09233480333140627,0.0,0.0,0.11389596531630375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514697532530223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328065512215069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16094197709283325,0.1007691519235405,0.0,0.1958260771503841,0.10222793181373996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070133019431207,0.0,0.3330652016356629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992583319433376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196416035981793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297282786372412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178709094789214,0.0,0.0863084965505824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07385013895021432,0.2224183375440157,0.08332352005926882,0.17446050856470213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966724381077716,0.0,0.07844830454388484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386334954830534,0.06685482198573309,0.0,0.0,0.06083963940244427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592204722406753,0.07083785263680759,0.0,0.3057657402667301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308112064547487,0.08281771206164848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11648833460757395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632813438293692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,unpaidlibraryfines,2018/12/11,"Finding support I feel so stuck at the moment. I so badly want to build a support network but nobody wants to hear about my trauma. Nobody wants to be dragged down. I have a huge group of friends, everyone is so “pro mental health”, but even mention the r-word and people get uncomfortable. I tried telling my SO about some things that trigger me (because of a violent abusive relationship from my past) and he’s asked me not to talk about it because HE feels traumatised just hearing about it and he can’t cope with how angry he gets. If I ever mention it to my mum she gets angry and upset. It’s not like I go around crying about my symptoms all the time. I very rarely talk about it. I’m just going through a rough patch with nightmares and sex aversion and have nobody to talk to. It’s just so lonely. Therapy starts in 2 months once it’s free through uni. Fingers crossed the student psychologist is any good.",4.013359936153233,5.667297698324022,4.36067438148444,86.57146648044693,72.01675977653632,6.678531524341581,28.986831604150037,7.1686216300943375,1.5449501995211483,724,29,141,7,14,227,110,179,0.26,0.645,0.095,-0.99,0,2,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,18,11,1,1,8,0,6,4,1,2,2,28,24,15,0,4,8,1,4,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,9,9,0,0,3,0,1,3,3,5,0,0,1,6,15,7,24,22,2,14,0,1,0,1,18,5,0,2,7,86,24,1,0.0,0.17200260352006833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872051604429516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923199660331144,0.13571426819231422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12121081006248705,0.17698845792201445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594623281178178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588335560519304,0.13131449360649122,0.0,0.13871606893883404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680453547235184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326826666309308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11215791139754687,0.0,0.22753585697840065,0.0,0.16500680917901167,0.12176163192724025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15430882455966502,0.3272340755976118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092268460423773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14629712370196854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11587323616958488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546012149948736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858110422787412,0.10064253613721713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15585815368525938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027520086049229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3294741842365499,0.0,0.15088711976573832,0.0,0.35004622116582457,0.12688489887795928,0.0,0.16601444234872695,0.0,0.09644443682366223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464974122275798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856083884416834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978037814879255,0.2568749202258072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chosbully,2018/12/11,"How do you not scare off a new partner? I had a moderately severe flashback/disassociation period earlier and I'm still trying to recover from it right now. I'm doing all the methods I know so far but I keep kicking myself for making myself look fucking stupid over something that shouldn't have even triggered me so much. Luckily he wasn't there to see it unfold of anything but I know I looked a mess. I just don't know how to not freak someone out or make them feel bad about me if its a new relationship. I'm not used to this and I feel like every avenue for me is fucked. I hate feeling like an obligation/needy but every bone in my body feels so hollow, fuck. I was having an alright day too.",2.0170623742454765,4.221840605633806,3.822052313883301,85.72591549295778,79.56338028169014,6.310663983903421,22.818913480885314,7.447530270364453,0.99898430583501,554,18,111,8,14,186,99,142,0.196,0.674,0.129,-0.9394,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,0,12,12,5,1,7,1,10,5,2,6,1,28,31,12,0,2,9,0,4,2,1,1,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,7,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,3,7,17,3,13,27,2,12,0,0,3,3,5,6,3,2,8,75,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639742669248066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282472649323657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17061188805611846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099057501658048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10144951677630193,0.0,0.25882456890881944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3106534828748307,0.21945977272601827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4259944711906336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164545777538482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652426862308728,0.0,0.0,0.25323904952750104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15007968872520974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25796596471119904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20505467728978005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11291163157691053,0.0,0.0,0.2966903090112879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16490593468716486,0.0,0.1311711886770073,0.0,0.0,0.153777614860862,0.0,0.1223970999425278,0.0,0.0,0.1735211415854597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014242808615714,0.11824664587437797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266294020738712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428243161387964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13265868422395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yellowmady,2018/12/11,"I need a hug after this weekend. (triggers) (Sorry if formatting is off, im on my phone) My PTSD comes from some major traumas that happened this year and i can tell it as just emotionless events as though they never really happened to me. Almost a year coming up to the first major assault that started this whole down spiral. I used to love drugs and being fucked up and i went to a party with friends as such. My ""best friend"" at the time decided to drive one of my friends home but promised to be right back to get me (she wanted to stay at the party but was DD and decided to drive our friend home and come bacm.) She never got me. I was assaulted that night and when i told her about it, her response was that i shouldnt have waited for her and that i should have taken an Uber home. During the summer, I saw the fucker and it sent me into a deeper whole of depression and non stop flash backs. I decided to spend the night at my guy friends house because i felt safe around him. Until he did the very exact thing to me. Now it gets TMI but i need to get this off my chest. This weekend, my girlfriend and i were messing around and i wasnt really into it (i disassociate like nobodys business-also how do you guys stop disassocaiting?) And when i got up to shower and get on with my day she asked if i came. I told her no and that it was ok and she got off the bed and said ""were not done until you cum"" and pushed my head into the couch to take me from behind. I couldnt stopa screaming no even after she stopped and locked myself in the bathroom for an hour. When I got out, somehow i ended up COMFORTING HER ON ALL THIS SHIT BECAUSE SHE DIDNT MEAN TO FUCKONG HURT ME. I can no longer make eye contact with her and have been on fight or flight ever sense. I guess i just need to vent ans a hug (Thanks for reading this far if you did) ",2.1085192292316317,3.8392128654353614,3.2421252098824667,92.27392100423764,77.33773087071239,5.860430159110898,20.983529223634765,6.574015621080383,0.18935637642919945,1432,36,313,12,33,461,194,379,0.138,0.7390000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.8431,1,0,1,0,1,0,37.0,1,3,1,2,18,26,6,0,18,1,24,10,4,4,5,72,61,36,0,10,10,0,1,1,6,2,1,2,6,2,20,32,0,5,5,3,1,9,10,11,0,2,25,5,59,15,57,31,7,64,0,2,2,5,37,24,3,8,31,231,79,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922500924659507,0.0,0.0,0.07125661573161354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15864330108562194,0.0833004212437296,0.0,0.0,0.1370312963442234,0.0,0.10863421581649774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09350938578280027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019114946074096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302661974182627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574648530644376,0.0,0.07674533755611311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911845574666446,0.0,0.0,0.10333261110849916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891989491948154,0.0,0.0,0.058852499582849535,0.08059987191123674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555402843781648,0.0,0.0,0.07579200740621424,0.0,0.0,0.3442085121069702,0.0823754192715859,0.1862131175723318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850591509994159,0.0,0.09815834842303132,0.1764543813906962,0.15758914200468416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144664038205944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26813640532624844,0.0,0.08774971195017031,0.10281431112130544,0.09538791467772577,0.0,0.09624785226983233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04353182301287135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08042004101133386,0.0,0.059477761418362626,0.0,0.0,0.09706062172248964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820895915718448,0.13744534128312114,0.0,0.0,0.16723655625619813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06037932821045595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415806955878984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912833685756244,0.0,0.11416489506294268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609452042948266,0.08475852167561361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914642054627056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997448836855325,0.0630684283564087,0.09497324707813276,0.0,0.22348536323377385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699528728230476,0.0,0.07788101919412346,0.08203519791912134,0.0,0.0,0.0591968871146321,0.0,0.08754444766243473,0.0,0.05195738956523198,0.0,0.0,0.17028580899843074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695744056786999,0.0,0.07352031654025236,0.052555979919609225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260050833491553,0.0,0.19896336797708414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476039770448432 ptsd,couchsitting2019,2018/12/11,"How to deal with eyes not being able to hold direct contact? I have had ptsd for awhile from childhood abuse. I am having a hard time figuring out how to get my eyes to stay focused or to even focus on what I am looking at. I think the reason and so does my counselor, is because I don't feel I can trust the people around me which would make sense. It happens when people yell at me. I flash back to memories where I feel I need to defend myself and I shouldn't have or future events that . Basically I disassociated when I am trigger or if I am in the moment, my eyes cannot maintain contact. Does anyone have suggestions on what I can do to fix this?",3.2664179104477604,4.457486388059703,4.6061492537313455,85.90564179104479,73.17910447761193,6.852537313432838,24.59402985074627,7.1686216300943375,0.9282411940298504,512,15,107,5,10,170,85,134,0.07,0.909,0.021,-0.7237,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,4,0,18,3,3,5,0,23,26,11,0,4,5,0,3,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,8,20,1,18,22,0,17,0,0,4,0,4,8,0,4,8,81,26,0,0.22071007192613445,0.2615053444544264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432561405553336,0.0,0.0,0.19647875726682948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16971242169150616,0.0,0.13454281128934786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275423928091081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862897425629768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457769209409482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22319528792301252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531190310912436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19517318769807465,0.0,0.19771287256963208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18534087316591508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14732568685249067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163653721726062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060251477677116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579982630994025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226926713150637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23524757026375656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14142210220816245,0.0,0.0,0.1286978178435109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678610261500284,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JoShmo27,2019/11/01,"I'm struggling. I've been battling PTSD for 7 years now, I'm 27. I keep having constant flashbacks, almost every waking second. I have an issue with noise. When I get flashbacks I feel as though someone is going to attack me from my left side, I can physically feel it in my left hand, left arm and side of my head. I start to feel disconnected from my body and I feel like I see things in my peripherals.",1.9031707317073163,4.0432755975609735,3.5172560975609737,88.10198170731708,79.60975609756099,5.5634146341463415,21.22560975609756,6.6274283507984215,0.3781902439024396,317,9,65,3,8,105,56,82,0.102,0.826,0.07200000000000001,-0.3182,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,1,1,0,5,5,5,0,0,9,16,5,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,1,6,14,1,10,15,0,13,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,1,6,38,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121083219273326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20587440894769432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20101190176465264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19555944261184985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15247125922041635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36600642601143335,0.129281806734315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454701738171364,0.0,0.10284687782438223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18572283650948435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888099107298925,0.0,0.16085047288104795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5898587150217517,0.0,0.0,0.08841061426205711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211539013822598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14420609319928018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533315015027749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280883295396098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18918445784926105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202254532427648,0.0,0.17779770883429047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653586447564443 ptsd,UnderFiveNine,2019/11/01,"I got shot with a paintball gun in a random drive by. I was running late, I like night runs they help decompress. I usually just wear my shorts and no shirt as I sweat a lot and it’s less laundry for me that way and so I was almost done with my run when I car driving towards me turns on it’s brights and I hear three pops. Something hits me and stops me in my tracks and I look down and it’s paint all over my crotch. I realized I got shot by a paintball gun and I try to run after so I can get a look at the vehicle and I straight collapse. All the pain hits me and I realized I shot in the right testicle and my inner leg. I’m screaming at this point on a dark street and I’m in the worst pain I’ve ever been in. I’m so angry all I wanna do is chase after this car and hurt who ever was in it, I’m screaming and half growling and then when the panic sets in. My brain replays the moment really quick and I almost start to forget where I am. I start sobbing, I’m not in Afghanistan I’m home. I have to repeat this to myself over and over again. Half crying because I feel like I’m somewhere I’m not and it makes me feel crazy, half crying cause I REALLY wanted hurt these people and the intent behind my thoughts scared me. I’ve been arrested once for defending myself and my future was almost taken from me so my “fight” response scares me so I end up collapsing. I call the police and the ambulance takes me to the hospital to make sure nothing was seriously damaged and luckily nothing was but I’ve been working so hard at not being crazy and have something like this happen and undo all my work even if it was for a little always makes me feel terrible. Happy Halloween and don’t be assholes.",0.6587184873949568,2.888242879551825,2.5994334733893574,92.32234348739496,85.19047619047619,5.362717086834735,20.409593837535013,6.742157984588678,0.35437484593837576,1336,41,286,16,40,445,172,357,0.172,0.763,0.065,-0.9834,1,0,2,2,1,0,19.0,0,0,1,2,15,21,1,3,17,0,20,8,6,5,7,61,50,37,0,4,6,0,4,3,0,0,2,3,1,0,13,27,0,1,6,0,0,8,5,15,0,4,15,10,49,6,38,31,7,56,0,4,3,0,6,27,1,6,22,195,62,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32792850365713233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083113544298152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06654385382804827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186036632693475,0.11146612434133724,0.0,0.0,0.11213895844118063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23981762376906895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117101424782262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09668471231049047,0.0,0.0,0.07210015924028362,0.197485702076794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16558604438608898,0.07798501689895954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057032392526906825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17461289091914226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965311780605195,0.11620447563785995,0.09778728693205757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12303297486053455,0.0,0.0731686707082533,0.0,0.10949791234680524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23371934536716985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313895751111685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15999242479902326,0.1094085280948222,0.0,0.0,0.1833363797608108,0.0,0.0,0.09280522683866063,0.0,0.0,0.21859850133379372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244069854581288,0.0,0.2094868590519641,0.0,0.0,0.11625346390430248,0.0,0.0,0.2323111229676008,0.12807753209584452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567885829651072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319292740157247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398633392299816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09322334784702226,0.0,0.0,0.2185794643755092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16807575369671182,0.0,0.0,0.15453018171743446,0.0,0.0,0.09126392473409564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288344758597308,0.0,0.08207588319341938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08666205919786824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411351147096895,0.1187363951568858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022600007238722,0.0,0.06438629706625458,0.08664733930247777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894178393190386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BopTwistPull,2019/11/01,"Night terrors and broken bones My ptsd causes terrible dreams and night terrors. I lose paralysis and act out my dreams. Well, I broke my hand this time fighting in my sleep. Punched my wooden night stand. Yeah. Broke metacarples in my hand. Y’all struggle with hurting yourself in sleep mode?",3.4604411764705847,6.651485117647059,1.7040931372549046,94.19966911764706,89.98039215686275,4.1186274509803935,25.98284313725491,5.985473137389443,0.9281549019607841,235,10,40,2,8,64,34,51,0.373,0.42100000000000004,0.20600000000000002,-0.9201,0,0,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,1,10,1,3,0,1,0,5,5,1,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,9,1,0,0,2,9,1,5,0,0,10,0,4,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,19,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357206857145379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24564382049080385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25670928770255963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6460036380388119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26822880265085225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4592554362387199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398835075009554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380113946985076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063138983396316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cpolak02,2019/11/01,"Question and Advice Hello. I have something I would like advice about and a question. 7 years ago, when I was in elementary school, my friend's mother, who suffered from paranoia and schizophrenia, had a bad episode and killed my friend and his sister, due to the belief the sister was raped, feeling it necessary to protect them. The day he was killed I was going to call. Try to hang out, try to reconcile. I pushed him away, I abandoned him, and I hurt him. But I didn't, still holding onto the idea that I was too cool to be his friend, even though he was there for me when I needed. I even noticed something was wrong. His mother was acting even more off than usual, more paranoid. And he had stopped smiling, the boy who always smiled, wouldn't. That day him and his sister missed school, they weren't sick at all the day before. I knew something was off. But I didn't care. And the next day, it was too late. He was gone. And I wasn't there. It was only a street from my house. I haven't been diagnosed with PTSD but suffer from major survivor's guilt, especially in my choice not to reconcile, and for ignoring that something was wrong. How do I deal with this. Also, is PTSD a possibility? I was 10 at the time. Thanks a ton.",2.6807519640852995,4.725356283950617,3.2856285072951765,91.17941919191921,76.6954732510288,5.735054246165358,22.156565656565647,6.574015621080383,0.3855037037037037,959,27,198,8,22,300,125,243,0.166,0.75,0.084,-0.9602,0,0,4,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,2,0,15,20,3,1,13,1,28,3,0,1,1,35,36,19,2,3,4,5,1,1,3,2,2,0,0,1,9,14,0,5,8,0,0,5,7,13,0,0,23,2,32,7,25,10,5,30,1,5,0,1,30,10,0,2,16,139,41,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21817073167175835,0.09895491223933504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927196156605778,0.09288665375730888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10488181122588464,0.0,0.09320794384198462,0.0,0.0,0.09499049446189788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398861466245115,0.0,0.11381612554905797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879732696534263,0.11508755037628385,0.0,0.1133039924535768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22119538067658967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05644442476294615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25873950437888044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344296105097255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288081834454819,0.11950421958081266,0.12601878694123372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24700823646906675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259256052958973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453769016399345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277361291183796,0.0,0.0,0.11872175414132005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270936174205244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490106314061659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258481540261497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26098335114508553,0.0,0.2501064723838057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259548128673953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3437586519751368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08914935104754408,0.09332923711639086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277562245284463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967773990949348,0.0,0.06509343780527381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158141633192956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294672731863247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793000735390134,0.24410383874283184,0.0,0.07188726062831391 ptsd,Izgoy,2019/11/01,"How can I help my girlfriend with PTSD? I searched through the posts and didn't really find relevant responses to my question, so I decided to post this. My girlfriend is sweet and I love her very much but she has PTSD from a past relationship and some family stuff. Past week it got a little bad, she started dissociating when we were hanging out in the bar, and this morning she was not feeling well either. I don't question too much why that happens, mostly I think it's random things and maybe some fatigue that causes it. She also is trying to eat better and PTSD is causing some bingeing type behavior during the day when I'm not there. She has been spending a lot of time at my place but I'm wondering if she needs more time alone? It would mean less driving around, more sleep. I think we will try that. Is there anything else I can do so she feels better more? Thx",2.5783584131326966,4.931016534883722,3.3116963064295497,89.34000683994526,78.4186046511628,6.140082079343365,24.071135430916552,7.285733465282438,1.0153333789329686,692,24,138,9,17,218,110,172,0.076,0.82,0.10400000000000001,0.7073,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,2,0,0,2,11,7,0,0,6,0,16,5,1,3,0,38,29,15,0,3,6,0,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,11,11,2,0,10,1,1,2,4,2,1,0,5,3,22,5,11,22,12,19,0,1,0,1,17,6,0,10,9,99,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279998346523822,0.0,0.0988332317274082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10170234502763574,0.11001946961143744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319076842232892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21860698100730527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539177184435985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797039977381258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264613173561385,0.10324186620633884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650771168351448,0.0,0.12497955269390106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11295713904486815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884456635176757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10928840802751176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283839169745649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386758454993688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10507004784993447,0.11154294190363244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416069803356113,0.1346234987420151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817027136194283,0.09163889223804056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23595734780944125,0.0,0.0,0.12912309394141858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23672616913754094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43340306802205786,0.0,0.27689355658822745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791735996232918,0.0,0.0,0.1326871970856075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367719468389796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747618070874719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14147862423306182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210633639657948,0.1583803245981067,0.0,0.0,0.14413024447282471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781619876042228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197299446079974,0.0,0.0,0.09913479152119943,0.0,0.11112040122996483,0.0,0.11151889383373692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13402585005274156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779332734032501,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Rot-iron-imagination,2019/11/01,"Dealing with poverty anxiety and homelessness trauma is hard this time of year I don’t really know where else to post this, I guess I’m just hoping I’m not alone. This time of year is getting to be the worst time for me in terms of dealing with poverty-related anxiety, financial stress, and trauma from the time I spent as a homeless teen. I was fortunate enough to be able to stay in crisis shelters and group homes, but the constant threat of those places turning you out on the street with no support even as a teenager were very real. I’ve had many close calls with staff in these places for discriminatory reasons, and as the weather gets colder I can’t help but feel anxious for those without a warm place to stay. I can’t escape the need to ‘nest’ and pack go-bags, even though I’m in a stable living situation now. I keep coming back to “what-if” scenarios and trying to think of as many resources as possible that I can access, even though I haven’t been in an insecure housing situation for a while. It still feels like I am. There’s no reassurance anyone can give me to make it better. I am completely unattached to anything that I own now and I don’t really see these things as ‘mine’ since I’m living with in-laws. Everything feels like it could be taken away and I have to live without it. The holidays make this especially hard. Christmas season is already here, and the focus on gift giving and commercialism is a huge trigger for me. I’m still living in poverty and relying on food pantries. I can barely meet my basic needs, so trying to think of ways to give gifts fills me with anxiety about money. I had to help my sister-in-law with a school project about financial independence and finding an apartment, and now I’m in full panic-mode. I know she’s a teenager and she hasn’t been through what I’ve been through, but even just her saying how much she hated the assignment because she would have help figuring these things out or that she wouldn’t have to worry about it because it sounds easy fills me with anxiety and a little bit of anger. I’m so used to functioning constantly thinking about money, cost, and how easy it is to lose these things. No one should have to deal with that, but it’s hard interacting with others when that’s been my life. It’s so hard to explain why I feel this way with a topic everyone seems to forget that I’ve dealt with. Even I have a hard time connecting the dots on why I’m upset when it comes to talking about money, apartments, houses, career paths, etc. It’s the time of year where there was a lot of instability at home and it’s just hard to deal with and identity all these feelings. I think I might be overdue for my counselling appointments. Thanks for listening. I don’t have a lot of people I can vent to about this kind of stuff.",6.180054347826086,6.184477730072466,6.357789855072465,80.20451086956524,66.08333333333334,9.581159420289856,30.655797101449274,9.271962702966755,2.432497101449276,2225,74,441,37,32,712,249,552,0.14,0.7559999999999999,0.10400000000000001,-0.9146,0,1,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,1,0,2,34,19,3,3,26,0,42,2,0,8,1,85,86,39,0,7,11,0,12,2,0,4,1,3,2,0,37,36,1,1,16,1,5,4,14,10,0,1,11,16,40,9,86,66,11,58,0,1,1,0,26,27,0,7,24,297,77,5,0.06370144744083457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597548819733258,0.07029613128779771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1949257317348376,0.07196450371201259,0.0,0.0445415331830582,0.0,0.05242086352872448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059849606794085436,0.04898248102631378,0.0,0.07766362220894793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05633875361820069,0.06954548207515246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650463000858868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097463129172919,0.06678975567095986,0.13767726865948404,0.0,0.05086042234755217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26269358076131905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053214385345615206,0.0,0.0,0.0658206236766398,0.07104395261369273,0.2103710262600599,0.0,0.0,0.06086946289527492,0.05725075346677959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104682920211325,0.09101665355976653,0.0,0.0,0.05822196891189856,0.0,0.07702804310127379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656275421510298,0.18332469877210003,0.03620300058105864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017432612076598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34238390800540996,0.06289199119642605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280932123521264,0.0,0.12779549136341622,0.06326991067345111,0.0,0.14700583525334693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05662077339012419,0.0,0.06633525486679184,0.07001729915342103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499421620307336,0.062242619070390436,0.06384558530642102,0.224998180619502,0.0,0.0,0.07126562548708805,0.0,0.1083133852577599,0.0,0.0,0.08504242163320612,0.12916653873495335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757716907845987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04682789345149668,0.09446763223853832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043165749392327146,0.0,0.0,0.07473992332822645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044162562895232765,0.0,0.19966336324114728,0.0,0.0,0.07181381067118417,0.06100837794184962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250619320932955,0.08161755679876742,0.06549569743026737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050657947793835895,0.0,0.06446926566809345,0.05076180615614225,0.057991405291088566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0526944955956528,0.14320619181903993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579453444930228,0.1017441164255294,0.0,0.07296979281875128,0.0,0.07292291688198288,0.0,0.07228764765955388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0512008104850001,0.0,0.0586477342441437,0.0,0.0,0.12696123340870108,0.16326926147349705,0.12517269736141112,0.0,0.22286895765732612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08649820267899386,0.06928888248451479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05501759777533143,0.0,0.05256036549395608,0.0,0.10112648784044027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496129637805536,0.0,0.0,0.12281184428302305,0.0,0.0,0.06469191201801035,0.0,0.04525168057815431,0.0,0.0,0.12306493085371208 ptsd,imjustherekinda,2019/11/01,"Things i once loved now triggering me? This'll be my first official post on reddit, so sorry if I'm not doing something right... I just wanted to make this post to find some insight on something like this. It's kind of peculiar, or maybe not and a lot more people have experience with this than I think, but it's becoming increasingly difficult and at times debilitating to consume media that I once loved. The media in question also being something I used to cope with trauma frequently. Namely, a certain character I've been leaning on for about 2 years now as a sort of emotional crutch to get me through the worst of times now makes me have flashbacks, makes me uncomfortable, forces me to feel like I'm back in the time trauma once occured etcetc. basically it's hell and I'm sad that my favorite thing and favorite character is now kind of.. scarred and tainted. if anyone experiences this, how do y'all cope with it? is there any chance of redemption? i feel like avoidance cant be helping but it's so hard to face things.",6.5138605442176845,7.077104229591836,6.613673469387756,76.73727891156466,65.37755102040815,9.798639455782316,33.68027210884354,9.725611199111238,3.149504761904762,823,34,152,16,12,263,118,196,0.17800000000000002,0.6809999999999999,0.141,-0.9105,0,1,3,0,0,0,21.0,0,1,0,1,12,16,1,1,6,0,11,3,1,6,1,35,25,15,0,3,8,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,1,6,0,0,1,3,8,0,1,1,3,14,8,26,21,5,21,1,1,0,2,6,7,1,7,14,99,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10155507551246316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635859074765774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08879542597516099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764864290091654,0.0,0.0,0.14025216055791198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14284837141646414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484441556147348,0.0,0.0,0.128421459963483,0.18144553961485851,0.0,0.0,0.11606795189104567,0.10801892506893776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06634782967976185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11375946143506525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08511974137776998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644842596171824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861249314695972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796365207330484,0.2292296161912168,0.0,0.25430348425069565,0.0,0.12758005423980984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4057254841184898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880399327144982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432455517476737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225956976591392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10845006725280516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2932928372496206,0.0,0.1421566136794795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531025763420616,0.0813710406061157,0.0,0.0,0.22214933588489064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10967990281144607,0.0,0.0,0.07490289083430983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177837759384776 ptsd,H3LL0FRI3ND_exe_file,2019/11/01,"Feeling repulsed by potential partners I’m a young male who was most likely sexually abused by my own grandmother. I generally function well on a day to day basis. However, there is something that has been bugging me for the past year. I might have a problem with intimacy, especially with women. I’ve been flirting with several women this past year and the same thing always happens: I start the conversation, we keep in touch, for about two weeks it seems like everything is going well and that I kind of like them, but eventually I end up feeling repulsed by them and I feel like I never want to see them again. Because of this, I’ve never been in a relationship. It also seems like I’m not capable of falling in love or be truly interested in them. I guess what drives me to flirt with them is the sexual attraction, but that attraction eventually goes from 100 to 0 real quick and I don’t want them near me at all. Why does this happen? Does it have to do with what I experienced as a child? Why do I crave sex, but can’t seem to actually let someone get close to me in that manner unless I’m heavily intoxicated?",5.022354740061161,6.11432667889909,6.478917431192659,74.49742813455659,68.90825688073394,9.850030581039755,30.58837920489297,10.047579312681364,3.0700650764525985,888,35,168,22,15,303,128,218,0.07,0.7509999999999999,0.179,0.9748,1,0,1,0,1,0,20.0,1,0,6,0,7,15,0,0,9,0,17,3,0,0,3,36,37,11,0,3,6,0,4,5,1,1,1,0,0,5,14,11,0,1,6,0,0,3,5,1,2,1,4,6,23,14,33,30,4,27,0,0,1,2,16,10,0,7,19,118,37,0,0.0,0.15157298397136074,0.12483863413904735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10230345088959784,0.10644579837005544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798332160884809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16500510760988749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22390016188752535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11330565606030328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497284810994468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19405172695084508,0.09139132021445452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683675730655057,0.0,0.07270405776136295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092639222612469,0.0,0.2262514558722925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137077013777253,0.0,0.13321664293133953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081437672552915,0.0,0.31249419243441123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545942270301165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357106959416033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19733090854220106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24424225052400755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240919137643502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456093244907903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734609213392165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10194153047021706,0.3493807484691057,0.0,0.14452148580699178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10839242354959856,0.09848471948325574,0.0,0.0,0.09054763262046762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498924305581383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12496642665430785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090972411351936,0.0,0.10261559901037856,0.0,0.2300440916758885,0.0,0.2308690605210297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476203072640055 ptsd,luchry,2019/07/29,Drinking led to intense panic attack I got blackout drunk the other night and don’t remember much of what happened. I do remember after throwing up crying really hard and almost hyperventilating. The episode lasted for about 10 minutes. I have never been very emotional when I drink and have never cried this hard before. I also never have had a panic attack this bad...any thoughts? ptsd related?,4.543714285714287,7.781109300000002,5.522500000000001,71.05375000000002,77.42857142857143,6.928571428571428,27.32142857142857,8.07648339933343,2.599857142857143,321,13,44,6,8,105,53,70,0.303,0.652,0.045,-0.9597,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,2,2,3,0,7,3,0,1,3,11,10,5,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,3,0,3,3,0,2,4,4,0,0,4,2,5,0,6,6,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,7,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022597480573496,0.0,0.0,0.11997302830257547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202052038913384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413447573468196,0.0,0.0,0.1252626142454002,0.0,0.0,0.12765819279237076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295855886681762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29393009034546164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16875524556939595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199867873306402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266449998914676,0.0,0.2687815851165389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12228845171312025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028388135603724,0.0,0.34712006002204604,0.0,0.0,0.14078605818525158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35203842109305894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17536840472728635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610832654567353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398927475868727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910119592974493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12378436621688647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,depressedafplzhelp,2019/07/29,"Advice needed on a friend who is keep setting off a trigger as a joke So I have been dealing with major clinical depression and PTSD for almost three years. I have been seeing my therapist for almost 2 years and about a year ago, my therapist suggested me to try opening up to a close friend and that it might be helpful for me to deal with depression and PTSD rather than keeping everything to myself. After that, I decided to open up to one of my close friends but for past years he has keep setting off my trigger by sending stories and photos related to my traumas and it has been really rough for me as the unpleasant feeling lasts me for days and I cannot even eat properly from really bad nausea. I have told him multiple times to stop and that depression and PTSD are very serious issues that should not be made fun of. I have been trying so hard to repress and seal all the traumatic memories but this friend of mine makes my life feel like a living hell by bringing it up almost EVERY SINGLE DAY. When I get mad at him for setting off a trigger he says some bullshit like ""you're being too sensitive/bitchy, man up and grow a pair"" or ""I'm helping you to overcome PTSD by training you through exposing you to all the traumas you cannot face."" When we talk in person, he even purposely talk ambiguously that implies the traumatic event and when I confront him, he is like ""oh I didn't mean THAT. You're falsely accusing me"" like a sarcastic sicko. Some might think that I am being too sensitive and stretching his meanings, but he always crack up when I confront him or tell him that he REALLY needs to stop. Thank you for listening. tl;dr: I have told my friend to stop setting off my trigger and that depession and ptsd are something very serious that should not be made fun of. However, he is keep setting off my trigger by bringing up my traumas including stories and photos. What should I do?",7.19875,6.8455770271739125,7.297956521739131,75.51226086956524,64.05434782608695,10.838260869565218,36.33478260869565,10.355215969177356,3.7310723913043473,1518,66,279,32,20,490,174,368,0.21899999999999997,0.69,0.091,-0.9958,1,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,1,5,0,0,12,27,4,1,13,0,31,4,1,8,2,68,54,29,0,6,8,0,4,4,5,5,2,2,0,2,16,23,1,8,6,1,0,4,5,14,0,2,9,7,42,13,52,35,6,47,1,3,1,0,40,19,1,10,23,195,58,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806738098989728,0.07081748111137694,0.0,0.23999426252957465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647470751171508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06670464005359604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304461457627592,0.16472573701474874,0.20642688462445294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174720262204646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10553290947363744,0.0,0.06731059611756622,0.0,0.07179979451445806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078935939682537,0.0570732839942172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30861327900867985,0.0,0.041739119448741854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07156556246347097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709688832207503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338418774400214,0.0,0.2840388744940857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06512084394354553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056428523331039565,0.15612046964199044,0.0,0.07054415075943578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118730734960106,0.053327057099948866,0.0,0.0,0.17404680987720444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950089072688454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847453827712882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05413539121769082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07626384701978907,0.0,0.06975668564742221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4669344634301589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353834103661226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353156983745385,0.0,0.0,0.06366182155678768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06150306561902226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037433222042672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842477868627106,0.06982720025984407,0.07355178774916007,0.0,0.18551641407138744,0.0,0.05119015346726678,0.0,0.0,0.046584380683399464,0.0,0.0,0.15267624139207714,0.0,0.10847985051979184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13183489171930854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057856292927156 ptsd,angierecio,2019/07/29,"What is happening to me? Few weeks ago my best friend died in a car accident. She was 17 and I’m 18. We’ve had a friendship of 6 years. When she died I started feeling disconnected with myself and the world. Sometimes I can’t just do something because I keep in thinking the day of the accident. I see something that reminds me of her and it’s like I am in a bubble, I don’t know how to explain it. I’m afraid I will be like this my entire life. There is no day I don’t think about her. I can’t stop dreaming about her (the first 3 dreams were kinda happy, but the next ones always had to do with her being dead, like she is always dead in my dreams). I sometimes get lost out of nowhere when I’m at family time or anything. I feel angry, with guilt, sad, I don’t know... my sleeping schedule its horrible too; I sleep at 5 am and wake up at 2:30 pm. Do I need help? Omg",0.3412665353222621,2.22840455080214,2.3831804109203496,95.50622572473968,83.70588235294117,5.220264565156207,21.072051787222065,6.339386263674448,0.10257860962566934,669,21,157,6,19,224,111,187,0.21100000000000002,0.677,0.11199999999999999,-0.9737,0,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,8,10,0,2,8,0,20,4,3,1,0,23,37,9,4,1,3,0,2,3,1,1,1,0,0,0,6,8,0,2,7,3,0,1,6,4,0,2,5,3,28,6,21,29,2,24,0,2,1,0,10,10,0,2,16,100,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13896831717009928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26089259579139484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900943953428648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095566342281721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164521829537899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022090655637006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254077607336913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779004930149994,0.0,0.1585365808615792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333496056939552,0.0,0.0,0.12112113384188873,0.0,0.08190654480962006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13863236155855108,0.1668859865281017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508051197744336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934555345611838,0.0,0.0,0.17231483637307246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073222041568012,0.2297716460837329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17113441620940692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162439481996212,0.0,0.0,0.16672807858792946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10623230449323147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492644571495007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137690790710261,0.0,0.0,0.2413804443689717,0.3101016905235629,0.0,0.1109635480162122,0.0,0.0,0.13106784424673007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090546490455005,0.0,0.0,0.09141461809128486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575249753605006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10095559087883284 ptsd,strayaway91,2019/07/29,"Gilroy garlic festival shooting. Long story short, I was at the Las Vegas mass shooting when I was 25 weeks pregnant. Scariest thing that has happened to me.. my husband, baby, and I made it out alive. I’ve had really bad nightmares ever since and other mass shootings just make them appear again. I don’t really know why I’m posting this, I just honestly can’t stop crying. Gilroy is an hour and a half away from me. Ugh. A kid died. I’m just very distraught right now.",1.643013833992093,4.244901858695652,2.8066007905138366,89.83721343873518,84.76086956521739,5.084584980237153,21.40711462450593,6.574015621080383,0.5684,369,12,70,4,11,118,72,92,0.195,0.716,0.08900000000000001,-0.8906,0,0,0,3,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,1,4,0,7,0,0,2,1,13,14,4,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,4,0,9,2,5,10,0,17,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,8,41,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340730837882995,0.0,0.2080195850324472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27366608065960296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585656137719774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22535932607567105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22031165805157854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453504637104479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369195723186338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22047903733493007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23574012926063004,0.1663013589462425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386050623674617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31920799875734795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276224682993367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206089291867534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20829028488451115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16551602712995386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055647061899537,0.0,0.0,0.19984324673422804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248080363509704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,19missingpilots,2019/07/29,"I (16,M) have ptsd, but my mother (who also has ptsd) doesn’t want to get me help because she’d have to admit she was neglectful. warning: Wall of words and triggering topics. I’m going to start this off by doing some explaining. I was raised in a cult. My father physically and emotionally abused my mother and sister. Later on he emotionally and sexually abused me (not physically, but with the use of pornographic material). When I was about 6 or 7, my sister sexually assaulted me. She also physically abused me from about the age of 4-12 (?). My mother and father divorced when I was 5, my father had a PFA against him, and when I was able to see him again I had unsupervised visits. During these visits my father very much involved me in the sex cult he was part of. My mother was very emotionally neglectful when I was growing up. I was given all the things I needed to survive but none of the things I needed to be stable. When I got older, my sister began abusing the medications she was on. This progressed from pills to heroin and she was put under professional care by my grandfather. My mother avoided this for months upon months and made me be her drug dog. I don’t remember a lot of it but I walked in on my sister passed out from an overdose and my mother never even asked me how I was after she used me to see what my sister was doing. Me and my mother, as you can imagine, have a horrible relationship. I cut my father off a year ago. I’ve seen and heard a lot of scary shit that still takes over my thoughts to this day. Now, I’m older. I’m still living with my mother, my sister is on her own and clean, and I am safe from any and all harm. Throughout my entire life I’ve suffered from extreme anxiety, depression, and intrusive thoughts. When I was younger (toddler-elementary school student), many of these thoughts were things like having sex with my mom or feeling like someone was watching me. In middle school, the paranoia of being watched increased and my intrusive thoughts become more serious. I was obsessed with the idea of me killing someone, but had absolutely no desire to actually hurt people. It was terrifying, especially because I look just like my father, to think that I was broken enough to hurt another person. I never ever wanted to do these things, but the image of it happening was always picking at my brain. I also began talking back to the people I thought were watching me and started checking my windows at night. This paranoia started one of my biggest fears/reoccurring thoughts. When I was 15, I became obsessed with the idea of getting murdered. My bed and bodies of water are my biggest triggers. For example, I recently went on vacation to Vermont. I went to a lake to go swimming and as soon as the water hit my toes I felt an overwhelming feeling that I was being watched. I stared at the water for a while, imagining my own dead body floating around, and tried to pretend like everything was okay. I still managed to have a good time, but the imagine of me dead was still in the back of my head the whole time. Every time I imagine myself dead, which is normally a couple times a day, I’m almost completely decomposing. At night I find myself spiraling thinking about it, which drives me to spend hours looking at crime scene photos online. Sometimes looking at these photos is a way to cope, other times (with the more graphic ones), it almost feels like I’m making it worse. I look at videos and images online that make me feel physically sick, but my fingers keep typing away and looking for more disturbing things to look at. I never know how to stop, and almost always feel like I’m in danger or someone is going to kill me. It’s like an overwhelming feeling like this is the moment I’m going to die. It drives me insane not being able to sleep because I feel like there’s cameras in my room or people outside my window. And Lately, ive been unable to cry about it. I just go into these laughing, hyperventilating breakdowns that leave me feeling hopeless. I’ve talked to my mom about all of this, but she just dismisses it like I’m just saying it to get her attention and validation. This only makes it harder for me to want to get help because she always finds a way to convince me that I’m faking it. I don’t know how to prove to her that if I don’t get help soon I know I’m going to kill myself out of fear of someone else doing it first. I’ve already been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and PTSD, but ptsd is the only one that’s not on my paperwork because the people that have diagnosed me with it did not have the personal connection with me where they could legally put it on my papers. Since I’ve tried talking to my mom about it, I’ve stopped seeing my therapist, and she pretty much denies me the opportunity to go back to MY OWN psychiatrist. I know it’s because she doesnt want to admit to her neglectful behavior. She’s always been a self victimizer. Originally I planned on just trying to suck it up until I’m 18 and can care for myself, but I don’t think I’ll make it that long without help. what the fuck do I do (Unedited) Sum: My brains reaction to trauma is only making everything worse. As I try to get help, my mom always finds a way to convince me that I’m just faking it.",5.7089746093750025,6.242627729492187,6.5753906250000025,76.418046875,67.115234375,9.05625,31.0390625,9.017664075816787,2.5960007812499994,4161,154,764,68,64,1382,385,1024,0.205,0.696,0.099,-0.9993,0,1,1,0,4,3,116.0,0,1,1,5,41,51,11,7,41,1,71,22,9,15,8,151,164,63,8,10,27,24,10,10,0,0,7,2,5,3,56,41,3,8,37,3,2,20,16,32,0,4,48,27,136,19,134,108,19,120,0,11,15,3,69,41,3,11,66,545,192,8,0.08632478096376943,0.2045614990188436,0.04212026686063937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038260854892572284,0.0,0.12966269781966006,0.0,0.04763077119759096,0.1035508442226631,0.17957283273969182,0.0,0.0,0.02935190562911835,0.04525952981841038,0.06603822115596765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03842367848706298,0.04035100860613725,0.0,0.04055248667674122,0.09956764207561776,0.0,0.15786835571359506,0.04766946919044579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588737112192172,0.0,0.09636700487471488,0.0,0.0,0.08801386743762442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525494522141229,0.0,0.0,0.03446165664410625,0.04775836410641779,0.04741185919463363,0.05567234225068407,0.0,0.07435140735115392,0.087617835555862,0.04479574685757039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005466980693746,0.0,0.03605663877063756,0.14565563937956078,0.0,0.04459828740204042,0.0,0.0285083518390852,0.03904285328435465,0.036366175559624715,0.0,0.07758314687622679,0.0,0.0,0.048569689150966815,0.17459361209893248,0.15417610192255926,0.041442663629313946,0.0,0.11834892884342572,0.03671390729437373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039902934491008166,0.13530340538888475,0.0,0.17171126831973846,0.03620256531045888,0.03452090662777245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038168359357147054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044297064984369215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465420257932055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04250626022319087,0.0,0.09241246343330177,0.0974501702196432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03836471585234719,0.1432583700840739,0.0,0.09488368405926133,0.0,0.04868905648496419,0.04570273936312031,0.0,0.0,0.030486872860890087,0.2108696377289255,0.0,0.03811318156715551,0.03819735733524954,0.2174732236737612,0.0,0.0,0.07339024177201643,0.0,0.0408412974969009,0.14405615404056474,0.04375988934356388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04348156749671553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20220508028002868,0.06890361657883047,0.0,0.06345864666497163,0.06400873126730715,0.09986848924979784,0.0,0.0,0.08100995913346082,0.042289978429019714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774385852591195,0.09848082879983594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046740662747634006,0.0,0.1196934676333851,0.07537546903554099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04391166827955552,0.0,0.0,0.20181809880015425,0.08678024793307862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0426176534512747,0.04634025430383395,0.04889457441080757,0.0,0.0,0.034324465322696104,0.0,0.0873652869954365,0.1031845108815841,0.0,0.04502778664019176,0.0,0.04430557356943681,0.03570437543445123,0.0,0.043193561844093516,0.0,0.14628541355219868,0.0,0.04268870784605083,0.0,0.09165168641604783,0.0,0.13787816317586346,0.07217138225352837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03245274601660443,0.1040768835211383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0501148620904239,0.14337587167957208,0.08297015099955106,0.0,0.20559670054088536,0.12584168496368303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721771953391033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745568941980391,0.0,0.0712269849575333,0.1018331848207676,0.10278088956184316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800239368043863,0.0,0.048189267555196834,0.0,0.041607004171040636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797232673444233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02779516433577432 ptsd,Benkrida91,2019/07/29,Why is my mother acting this way? My mother abused physically for many years and now have ptsd. I have been diagnosed by 2 adolescent physiatrists and now I am being forced by the court system to attend reunification therapy with her which is terrible. I always feel unsafe and am on red alert. My mother has narcissistic personality disorder and cannot accept that I have ptsd. Is it because deep down she knows that she abused me. Also she has never admitted to anyone but me that she has abused me and claims that I am making everything up. My personal therapist says that I am being revictimized by having therapy with her while she claims that nothing happened.,7.113409090909091,8.435075743801653,7.764948347107443,66.33105888429752,64.2892561983471,11.339256198347108,30.827479338842977,11.20814326018867,3.925057024793388,539,19,86,16,8,179,75,121,0.141,0.846,0.013000000000000001,-0.9151,1,0,0,0,3,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,18,1,0,1,1,14,23,8,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,9,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,3,20,1,11,20,0,13,0,0,1,0,14,4,0,0,5,70,29,0,0.0,0.5627702923864806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12661302707295832,0.13173968848201262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110705029918157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651389395217608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069728067287598,0.0,0.0,0.18145500040232215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422929549669737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08005424497522948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000691794145312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701167925351404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568365251959433,0.16051743747021158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211056151247385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191780559599674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27648783667410776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701486057262549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590697323014755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3621185352196173,0.18382837257130852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12567159302626216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286434306894816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019565775912574 ptsd,wellsfargostillsucks,2019/07/29,"I am suddenly terrified of driving half way through a road trip. I just got to Colorado from California. I’m here to pick up my mom. I’m utterly hysterical inside. Im the most physically un fearful person. I flipped my truck 20 years ago and know that is that cause. Shoot me.",1.167298701298698,3.7391334181818174,3.5651948051948037,83.49636363636365,87.54545454545455,7.5064935064935066,27.857142857142854,8.418075326091056,2.5276233766233767,218,11,44,6,7,75,46,55,0.204,0.7959999999999999,0.0,-0.8822,0,0,0,1,0,1,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,6,6,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,6,0,6,5,1,8,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,3,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305948744108049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3545572819193255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883822104649685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760426565975287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728140316032225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18968175211834803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.404227705690601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013658496749353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739587163612024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22226099350586856 ptsd,galacticduchess,2019/07/29,"How to deal with dreams about abuser? (TW: Sexual assault) I was sexually assaulted at knifepoint a few years ago by someone I trusted and deeply admired. He was an abusive and cruel person and I didn't realize it until it was too late. I haven't seen him since January, because he was staying in an apartment across from my boyfriend's and saw him as I was leaving and got upset. Luckily, my boyfriend is very sweet and understanding, so he comforted me about it. Now, I have occasional dreams that I run into this guy again. I feel so paranoid that he'll just show up and I won't be ready to deal with it. I feel exposed and afraid. I hate having these dreams, as they happen even when I'm not thinking about it. How do you all deal with dreams about your abuser?",3.6704746136865367,5.328353569536425,4.477764900662255,85.37152593818986,72.90728476821192,7.417439293598234,27.81512141280353,8.07648339933343,1.7591320088300222,603,23,120,9,12,194,98,151,0.18100000000000002,0.6609999999999999,0.158,-0.6276,0,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,2,1,0,14,10,4,2,3,0,13,0,0,2,1,22,24,16,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,9,12,0,0,5,5,0,1,4,6,0,0,9,5,19,4,19,12,2,15,0,0,2,0,14,6,0,0,7,84,28,0,0.0,0.5885272350791216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676958762811826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009311541899689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5120923841255172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10935874420809473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16743635578852842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13242305339315716,0.0,0.0,0.16394231082519822,0.14641477246181006,0.0,0.0,0.16346807115646722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18677242738994956,0.1753168408974244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457108366611554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369628690667663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14028861798402367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647772154874414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609185185780116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236629082375288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661423979630954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662293926969577 ptsd,dietdrpeppr,2019/07/29,"anniversaries I've realized I basically have what looks like PTSD, but only in the summer. I was sexually abused in the month of August when I was a young child. Summer is always hard. Any tips for getting through the next month or so?",3.767666666666667,6.003263044444449,4.793055555555559,80.73625000000003,74.1111111111111,8.055555555555555,24.583333333333336,8.841846274778883,1.9120000000000008,187,6,35,4,4,61,36,45,0.135,0.826,0.039,-0.6486,0,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,6,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,1,5,4,0,10,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,9,21,4,0,0.0,0.3709452494459784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605052839516389,0.0,0.0,0.21290321018433989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356989855080806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804556479984465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295369019706662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629059707077895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4997904173005666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.332961120061747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381092941406777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36597045563906494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,scaredtospeakout,2019/07/29,"Sexual assault? Ok so a few months back I was dating a guy and I would invite him over without my mum knowing (bad choice, I know. I regret it very much) and he would touch my 😾 and when I told him not to he would keep doing it. I had to physically push him off of me. He would also try and lift my top up and pull down my bra to see my boobs and once again, when I told him no, he would keep doing and I would have to push him off of me. He would make me feel incredibly guilty afterwards and even pretend to cry and say that he couldn’t help himself. He also would tell me to sit on his lap (which I did after him begging) and he would eventually kind of hump me almost? I also didn’t tell him to stop even though I didn’t like it and it would make me feel uncomfortable, which is my fault. He would also always grab my ass in public which I didn’t like and would try and touch my 😾 In public which I didn’t like. He always tried to make me have sex with him. I think I have ptsd but I’m not too sure, here are my symptoms; I always get flashbacks to it, I can’t sleep sometimes because my mind goes to what he used to do, when I smell certain scents it reminds me of him, when I see a guy that looks similar to him I feel very anxious and I’m always afraid that I’m gonna see him when I go out in public. When I was a child I had similarish things happen to me but I’ve never told anyone because I’m so ashamed of it.",2.2062937062937067,2.7677746410256425,3.8588578088578096,92.65583916083915,75.02564102564101,6.6983682983682975,21.23310023310023,6.574015621080383,0.08757820512820524,1096,22,269,8,22,368,138,312,0.102,0.85,0.048,-0.9421,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,21,13,1,2,4,1,31,6,3,4,3,53,58,29,0,14,5,1,6,3,0,13,1,1,0,3,16,16,0,3,6,1,0,4,11,6,0,0,12,13,55,7,31,32,2,30,0,1,4,4,38,11,2,1,17,178,71,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897646089511957,0.0,0.0,0.2522878001746397,0.262503132348834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910014133238714,0.0,0.055147422646774025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0606458150496078,0.0658527792438371,0.09615629036912672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663449642682397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418518689169716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963644160291093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04120608426462781,0.0,0.04482338239053781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561865072287077,0.06974408193464733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05286459636622592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14020575842773478,0.0,0.08213049877483522,0.08668928330621532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559503373210908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623055756982021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793810967744418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963576156538936,0.0,0.06295292175517128,0.0,0.0579781935483542,0.0,0.06082905853818681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08399349593190496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219428248739382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0627202311587127,0.0,0.0,0.1885464584414776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892650789926138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07800400090138254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593847472100349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07433361678914213,0.08197566028598573,0.0,0.0,0.13787092472823628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052397423993542025,0.05053642254915865,0.07748893169950513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260897025775021,0.0,0.1606417404309009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811796767427973,0.0,0.13015127604393342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07602743101445096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6723199789457137,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Heidi_Trismegistus,2019/07/29,"A cow down the road from me is helping me work through my depression and PTSD. I recently experienced a violent trauma that left me feeling hopeless. I had to move. Cow friend is close and I see him every day when I am driving or going for a walk. He is a beautiful young Jersey. Cow friend is very sweet and moos back when I talk to him sometimes. I was out taking pictures of him tonight. While I was getting pictures, his owner drove by. I learned his name (cow) is Mason and I am allowed to feed him treats like apples and slices of bread. I am so happy about this. Something as goofy as a cow gives me hope. Mason is truly something special. I wish that anyone struggling right now can find at least a small shred of hope and hold onto it tightly. Hope can come in unexpected places.",2.48550537634409,4.741511270967745,3.361290322580647,89.36860215053764,78.2258064516129,5.681720430107527,25.17204301075269,6.742157984588678,0.9525397849462368,617,23,122,6,15,196,102,155,0.092,0.6729999999999999,0.235,0.973,1,0,2,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,1,6,15,1,1,7,0,14,2,0,1,0,21,26,13,0,4,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,9,2,2,3,0,0,6,0,5,0,0,4,5,22,10,18,22,1,26,0,2,1,0,14,11,0,4,10,79,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11873783521218967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13057641586973606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627964830895507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095159244905092,0.0,0.14626047304722506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430755443578458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08586301593461787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15520683856970882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623956133926044,0.0,0.08872075988920564,0.16290097741408266,0.09650915920459577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18077006634876255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382268527936446,0.0,0.0,0.5059905906174553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845033115912333,0.0,0.0,0.08296249947191067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18048531349774344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741939435122045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985033750645208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16767075099216394,0.0,0.0,0.1450201524774105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353197014945524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261462090686238,0.16795030049263165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752637073520355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767892776131412,0.1364899895365722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14011426124612178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1952776175234598,0.0,0.0,0.12362654996396695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ayoitsjo,2019/07/29,"I was really triggered the other day and now I've been having anxiety attacks for no reason I was at a friend's place until really late the other night, like 4am, for a birthday. I called an uber and forgot to check that I didn't want to walk, so even though her neighborhood is really nice I ended up having to walk and wait on this semi sketchy big road Uber is taking longer than expected and a man yells over that he wants to talk to me, I shake my head and he presses but I wave him off and he went away briefly. A few minutes pass, my uber hasn't moved (it's waiting on another pickup) and I hear the guy yell ""Miss! Miss!"" I ignore him but he starts coming to me and I get scared. He starts calling me beautiful and says he'll call me a cab and I say I have one coming and I start to call my friend because I feel like hey my chances of being murdered lessen if I'm on the phone. He starts pleading with me to talk to him and saying he loves me and reaches his hand out and asks me to take it and I say no ans he just keeps inching closer to try and touch me. I say no again, I'm on the phone with my friend but I don't want to talk about this guy while he's right there. This guy starts accusing me of thinking he's dirty, and continues insisting I touch him. My uber finally comes and I cry in the car to my friend until I'm okay to hang up. At work yesterday I thought I was okay but then I just kept having random breakdowns throughout the day. I don't have any meds for it and it's making it hard to function.",1.7227115188583042,3.0998888960244666,3.2067278287461782,93.64313965341488,77.47094801223241,6.434658511722732,21.285423037716612,7.093109894594671,0.3391520897043829,1187,30,277,13,27,390,165,327,0.11599999999999999,0.7559999999999999,0.128,0.8514,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,1,9,17,2,2,14,2,16,3,2,3,0,49,49,30,1,5,7,0,6,2,4,1,0,8,0,4,12,25,0,6,4,0,1,11,7,7,0,1,9,14,45,10,39,38,1,49,0,2,0,1,43,19,0,2,21,165,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632177098467204,0.09747932076412852,0.07111608282921755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690741876584332,0.1057583011012988,0.08734135932046555,0.0,0.0,0.056669096898318776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797005576203524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402369705681853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021149766469163,0.11990628558711312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233721095666151,0.0,0.0,0.06140087589350975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047004649588285936,0.06641245171468277,0.0,0.10183591026128792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28729048768598,0.0,0.048569086287093804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761425678458393,0.0,0.0,0.08327616931979852,0.0,0.09540637792406548,0.0,0.10477553031533736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262937015917385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486578569956724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083359521438114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390231498216327,0.0,0.06205321223666273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326041658325748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880445992315727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872390391939883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06299381783716236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712606028182548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17866253607343985,0.09558096618550872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938949472297982,0.0,0.3696376849994656,0.09307171236795234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32899679450820224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397925100557523,0.22415928653242487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956663709339938,0.09133521607727016,0.07380186670255362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311545727236974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16449513054052706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617719887790362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06767783075882065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,avocado425,2019/07/29,"EMDR questions I am dealing with many terrible symptoms of PTSD and seemingly losing myself in the process. I go to talk therapy and also regularly attend a DBT group but more than one person has suggested EMDR to me. I am incredibly anxious to do it because I know they focus on your triggers. But I also know my current method of avoiding everything bad isn’t working. But I’m so scared of going and getting worse. For those who have gone: Did it help? Did you see improvement? Did you feel comfortable enough with the therapy? What did it feel like after a session? Is there anything I should know?",4.2270796460177005,6.557210867256639,5.3161150442477885,77.07523451327434,73.07079646017701,8.059823008849557,31.653982300884948,8.841846274778883,3.0516166371681424,480,23,80,10,10,158,82,113,0.188,0.696,0.115,-0.8628,1,1,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,1,2,4,7,0,2,4,0,12,1,0,1,0,18,24,9,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,5,0,1,7,0,0,4,1,5,0,1,5,3,13,2,13,18,2,8,0,1,1,0,12,2,0,2,3,61,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28213206044841754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992803967766215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451611550769797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472856022483655,0.1075310510779311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818593831143475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822670806548752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585358375050664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17838503355179394,0.1260193143779225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216107515736448,0.0,0.20050296877384965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11823637518146235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2908324473206653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617952730140925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973450991954856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884066283825198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953236974282458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540245993108633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062007188752406,0.0,0.19760698977392369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17660593876246702,0.0,0.14056697885912608,0.1605868123858531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334586077562956,0.0,0.1417826470334186,0.0,0.0,0.4034547266972881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842040326190948,0.0,0.17976541372270316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kawaiiBMO13,2019/07/29,"Do you ever get the half awake half asleep dreams? Most nights I get the dreams where I’m between awake and asleep. And they’re so much harder to wake up from. My partner usually has to shake me and talk pretty loudly at me to get me to wake up. Sometimes I get them a few times before I finally fall asleep for the night. Am I the only one?",1.9708333333333317,3.4563721944444485,3.0205555555555565,94.78000000000002,77.05555555555556,5.911111111111111,18.944444444444443,6.42735559955562,-0.20082222222222249,266,5,61,2,6,85,48,72,0.024,0.851,0.125,0.8053,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,1,0,3,1,0,1,5,0,3,5,5,0,1,5,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,3,0,1,10,0,10,8,3,12,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,6,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2099768195768476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321092240694296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27031639483410325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5156931487852402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813989227890357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4631400161927852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16721274146700596,0.18767409642351712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510463031408361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440545465588661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983384513660572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388927148028705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717741698892149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dr-pamela-isley,2019/07/29,"I just want resources to try to understand myself better. A little over a year ago, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I had essentially gathered as much from independent research I have done on the symptoms (tried not to self-diagnose, but I knew I had a lot of the symptoms that are under the PTSD umbrella) and it was relieving to finally have a better understanding of myself. I mean, I have been depressed for as long as I can remember, and the anxiety kicked in right around the time I turned 13. OCD tendencies came about around the same time. There is one thing that I can't seem to find anything about that I know can be a part of PTSD. I don't have DID, but I have some of the...shall we say, symptoms? I don't lose time, but I am aware of more than one personality in my head. They are incredibly distinct, and I have been at least acutely aware of them for a while, but I can't find anything about anyone else with a similar experience. I have talked to my therapist at length about it, and have been reassured that it is a part of PTSD, but I can't find anything anywhere about it. Maybe I'm just using the right search terms? I don't know. Everything I find is about DID, but I know that I don't have that. Does anyone have any resources or experiences similar to share? It would be greatly appreciated.",4.882164433340903,5.594960741312743,5.705432659550308,81.29318419259597,69.0,9.491801044742221,29.521008403361343,9.627879704456738,2.4795998637292747,1028,37,213,22,17,337,125,259,0.027000000000000003,0.868,0.10400000000000001,0.9543,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,2,3,11,8,0,0,15,0,38,5,1,2,1,41,51,15,0,2,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,12,10,0,0,13,0,0,1,8,2,0,2,12,1,31,6,38,36,9,22,0,2,0,0,9,12,0,4,9,160,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191755958654144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06284325023847352,0.0,0.07069483851997495,0.0,0.0,0.12923307632229386,0.09468689616032658,0.22814132024080006,0.1645323389054301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16346160371985516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056945767918398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959422050464658,0.1875922345473911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087026267265722,0.09456944232360884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771982712690905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830538428243341,0.1807931105222036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012327021546614,0.337851152141638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188442864434123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484125408474386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236146443680307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262098550622597,0.0,0.0817816095417714,0.0,0.1033852604475672,0.0,0.07856527932151565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284015874527056,0.10066363343635544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06793336798217063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524136883212267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20014613037238024,0.0,0.0,0.08069049284731393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320981896646969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468465025159387,0.1578384884640366,0.0,0.07348963950865599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412830868685604,0.09640574957105984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881539948883434,0.0,0.0742771720719315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729732027656763,0.0613943496273721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16165833861414114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254832066805401,0.1005175933393066,0.0,0.1924080611991965,0.0,0.0798141970455685,0.0,0.0,0.05450692364862689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656467511550885,0.0,0.0,0.05951022362376774 ptsd,2dina3dworld,2019/07/29,"Maybe PTSD? Okay, I'm gonna preface this by saying that sometimes I can be a hypochondriac, so there's a chance I'm overreacting. My trauma comes from someone close to me attempting suicide, blaming it on me, and then continously blaming his suicidal feelings on me and saying he was thinking of killing himself and only telling me that and guilt tripping me when I tried to call him out on it. My symptoms aren't severe, however, I've found myself avoiding the places where the catalyst for all of this happened, and I've had strange instances where I've had nightmares involving the catalyst playing out wordlessly, then turning into a fantasy situation of me running away. I can talk about it, but I will only talk about it if I'm the one who is in charge of the conversation. But the worst that's happened is when I walked past that spot, as I need to to get home, I don't remember what happened except for a few splashes, which I remember as the guy who traumatised me. When I looked in car windows for my reflection, or thought, all I could hear were the words he said and all I could see was his reflection, and I could only picture myself as him. My therapist said that it happens to a lot of people and that it's nothing to get caught up in, but should I push the possibility of maybe being a bit more traumatised than I've let on? I've only told her about the catalyst, and not everything about the catalyst.",11.67076086956522,7.221799916666669,10.950086956521735,65.71447826086957,58.89130434782609,14.518260869565218,46.80289855072464,11.979248473330829,5.389357681159421,1131,53,213,24,10,369,145,276,0.128,0.8490000000000001,0.023,-0.9819,1,1,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,0,0,1,12,7,1,2,17,1,19,1,0,0,3,40,43,23,3,6,7,0,1,0,0,3,1,5,2,1,18,14,0,1,8,2,0,7,3,5,0,1,11,8,32,2,38,23,8,29,0,0,2,0,23,16,0,3,6,156,50,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308001320170447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11977938694050135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120303679628828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450898669455253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2627933559397108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09860396315496543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05547474802085759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029585319129713,0.0,0.0,0.11464218314484705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863421316301833,0.3880792828104109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365577009733895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11005219284215144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1213824016698391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121901057060806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213221598469748,0.0,0.0,0.09327500864545828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22044513007259986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08135161866464101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052736427397102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743451169617754,0.3337700829946622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473452761875164,0.07606194610307064,0.0,0.11462788825332824,0.0,0.0,0.12368616852436735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12824991753584955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485693869248456,0.0,0.2087264762375893,0.17449811977297405,0.0,0.0,0.08742793694067519,0.0,0.0,0.12394570975563125,0.0,0.0,0.12332325084491005,0.0,0.0,0.09296040511879397,0.0,0.10851005521341893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400188470694445,0.0,0.0,0.11403496386082328,0.0,0.17636808338240745,0.09589496360257137,0.0,0.0,0.12738653210249004,0.0,0.07030036841354738,0.0,0.08710074417432495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483652900866948,0.0,0.07448867546240531,0.11933744102627862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throw_away867-5309,2019/07/29,"Diagnosed with PTSD for a trauma from 10 years ago I’ve done nothing but avoidance and flight for a decade. It’s when my panic attacks started. It’s when I stopped drinking. It’s when I would start getting a panic attack just looking at the weather report. I could no longer do things on my own. I just got a workbook but like I haven’t even forgiven myself or started to work through those feelings. Has anyone else waited this long and had a successful recovery?",3.7153333333333336,5.937931366666668,4.137500000000003,85.43625000000003,74.22222222222223,6.277777777777778,30.13888888888889,7.1686216300943375,1.8815555555555559,373,17,67,4,8,117,68,90,0.226,0.629,0.145,-0.8081,0,1,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,2,6,8,2,3,6,0,7,2,0,0,0,14,15,8,0,2,5,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,3,1,3,1,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,2,8,2,8,10,1,12,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,11,48,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157865190852594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745317584862811,0.1867655861845492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4147355998975551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553433368709628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18500856543860808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865339138459917,0.0,0.17856327030608107,0.0,0.0,0.1522700708405584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039305110214825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216534939559808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523285136010276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578455110940078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905193542681022,0.0,0.0,0.16131049664277192,0.15306780435717748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490087673052154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4277284552247373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130734952631784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38705240585523054,0.0,0.0,0.15239276126529902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109755585567145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270072158515409,0.0,0.0,0.12948522401485646,0.0,0.0,0.11738120320521715 ptsd,FaceBadger,2019/07/29,"Recently diagnosed with PTSD - looking for support/advice from people wit more experience. Hi all I have been undergoing treatment for major depressive disorder and severe anxiety on and off for several years. I was recently referred to a therapy group for my depression, after having to move home with mum after my now third mental breakdown because i couldnt take care of myself any more. During the recent group therapy, one of the therapists noticed that some of the things i was talking about sounded like maybe PTSD was an underlying cause fdor some of my issues, and I was referred to a psychiatrist. As a result of that consultation I was diagnosed with PTSD and related depression/anxiety. I have also been referred onto therapy to help with my PTSD. Without going overmuch into detail, I had a pretty unpleasant time from when i was 9 til somewhere around 24. I'm more than a little afraid of talking about those subjects, and was hoping some of you might be able to offer some advice/support/guidance/reassurance or something about how I can do this without triggering panic attacks/anxiety meltdowns (or at least knowing that these sorts of reactions are normal so i have a way to talk myself down). sorry for the long post, I waffle when im nervous.",12.403918387413961,9.5843391460177,11.746696165191741,55.57023107177976,55.76991150442478,14.646214355948873,47.23500491642085,12.838901577100673,6.277737069813175,1021,50,148,26,9,336,139,226,0.102,0.835,0.063,-0.7598,0,0,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,3,11,0,20,2,0,4,1,33,27,14,0,3,4,1,0,1,0,1,2,1,1,0,7,11,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,5,0,2,10,2,19,3,43,14,10,25,0,2,1,0,11,9,0,9,13,124,26,1,0.09641247895146124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421315859526903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771010245846143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556379181177087,0.0,0.22126584751592485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08582754689934202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877215230053436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829894784590408,0.09904217392276128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607985369260847,0.19571327333798946,0.0,0.0,0.11049705366383004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430990451877813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054793433614564735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646232523533306,0.0,0.0967095773813518,0.0957593457625995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414202173203084,0.10062957927690692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298577702757242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047102267233264106,0.09663063237638723,0.0,0.08532200994826322,0.08096220021592195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968592938246876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09716110232601484,0.10227840422978918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247120713773224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446375906489356,0.0,0.1097662463038465,0.0,0.0,0.06533159091207719,0.0,0.0,0.11311927082048184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684027344172742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923365039647568,0.09808615200548387,0.0,0.0,0.4508041140761247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2855870750293259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21783731698815748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07422303658438394,0.0,0.10792587678024984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21881547714910368,0.0,0.0,0.07249018549044851,0.23247809562417165,0.0,0.0,0.3307682163355596,0.11194231905381248,0.064052166972799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621889180521459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652773816016692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18587637844374805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062086475437452014 ptsd,Lunar537,2019/07/10,"I feel trapped and I don't know what to do Yesterday I experienced something traumatic and what happened keeps replaying in my head. Yesterday my brother and his gf got in a huge fight and they were yelling and screaming at each other. My brother was driving and his girlfriend was punching him continuously so we almost got in a wreak because she broke his glasses. I honestly don't know what to do anymore I want to call CPS on them because I don't want my nephews to live like this, but she has threatened to kill/hurt me. I am terrified of her I have called the cops many times as well nothing ever works though I have been dealing with this shit since I was five.",5.083273960983885,6.179614053435117,5.309567430025447,82.92065309584396,68.77099236641222,8.264970313825277,34.40288379983036,8.515128840125781,2.718536217133164,535,26,104,8,9,169,86,131,0.18600000000000005,0.738,0.076,-0.9588,0,1,1,0,2,0,7.0,1,0,2,1,4,7,2,0,3,0,14,2,2,0,1,18,23,10,0,2,1,3,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,6,9,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,4,1,1,7,4,25,3,13,16,1,12,0,1,0,0,19,6,1,1,6,74,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18966192377569405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878390394401569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309192740196567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3868077219753252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19526841922149896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713278249208256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576894773840453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3029692427321236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749037120391227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438435349164535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027621577794302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835202265614352,0.2095487640162,0.0,0.20818426219968766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253380154061773,0.0,0.16724824005959404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19202711967296573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173937421004832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944216908594389,0.1566779184602363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14581335762519387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18608962329887965,0.0,0.1104436810095497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22343215969686692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702979994515913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1378892235930065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pinkcoralsunset,2019/07/10,"Losing friends after PTSD? Hey yall, I hope you are all well. I just wanted to ask if anyone has been through the same thing as me. I had trauma from an abusive relationship. After dealing with it and living with PTSD and all the side effects that come with it I just feel like a different person then before. I feel like none of my old best friends get me anymore. Like I don’t gel with them. I “broke up” with one today. I am just a completely different person now! I tried to explain but they dont get it. The thing is I like the new me more then the old me, so I don’t even feel sad that I want to move on. I want to be friends with people I can be myself around. I feel like this fake weird version of myself around my older friends which is natural with time anyway, without the PTSD Am I just overreacting though and pushing people away because of the trauma? Or is this a legit real feeling I am acting on? I feel like I have no real idea on why I’m doing stuff. And I’m just cutting people off willy nilly and doing irreversible damage to friendships I’ve had for years. Like should I be doing that?? I have no idea I wish I could move away to a different country and start again! Has anyone else dealt with this kind of thing and know any advice on what Im doing?",2.3485655029381256,3.9469212243346017,3.654021776702386,90.15741012789495,76.30038022813687,5.9985482198409965,21.840477013480807,6.574015621080383,0.371138403041825,994,26,211,8,22,325,136,263,0.128,0.69,0.182,0.9092,3,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,2,3,15,24,1,0,12,0,27,0,0,1,2,50,47,15,0,8,9,0,6,7,4,1,0,0,0,2,15,18,0,0,11,0,0,5,7,9,1,1,3,6,35,15,35,39,7,30,0,4,0,0,15,11,0,3,21,157,50,0,0.0,0.10196583653152956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409585384485381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852306764709166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534739823755855,0.1203489004650672,0.08817761029634702,0.0,0.15322150212405347,0.08045354315743894,0.0,0.16171051726783545,0.0,0.0,0.05246076454400304,0.0,0.07322986614846859,0.0,0.0903136057702521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741322039556275,0.09023121885247393,0.0,0.0,0.06871110477450983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872304494415426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26973999896313805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10086050113436723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189124742236208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05684115451539039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26108408174730546,0.2459222527188223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659558640447142,0.0,0.08992454580302962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547600001529693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19430026029816175,0.09295848233162024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961720011385857,0.04729577298123297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943085454356175,0.0,0.07599166920487019,0.0,0.0,0.09627800229818496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293418429542385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311631357946958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18060887701431516,0.0,0.058315802194850865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898741375775826,0.15028678986083016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017950792802654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19590795390423532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923951538845338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060912999560925066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851695977082167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17152131674081764,0.0,0.0845525255820243,0.0,0.050181692016940636,0.0,0.08157386458786113,0.0,0.0,0.05842840850267909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15227947477980106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07737737171981755,0.0,0.0776548573119174,0.0,0.0989635970387544,0.08295780009864306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05541917118562943 ptsd,Electronic_Yesterday,2019/07/10,"What am I actually supposed to do? Early years: Removed from school/kept from people by age 8, endured emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, medical neglect, exposure to domestic violence, exposure to police raids/arrests, exposure to drugs including meth, exposure to alcohol abuse, made to take care of fetal alcohol syndrome children while myself a child, exposure to dangerous/drunk/high driving, experienced multiple car accidents including one that resulted in the car catching fire, witnessed other people being abused, witnessed animals being abused, threatened with abuse of other people/animals to gain compliance, forced to stay in an evacuation/disaster area during a hurricane, made to do lots of manual labor/farm work, periodically not allowed to sleep at night and made to ""stand watch"", etc. etc. etc. Never taken by CPS somehow. Texas also does not care if children are or are not in school. &#x200B; 2016: The hellhouse explodes in the middle of the night while I'm inside, catches fire, and burns down. No insurance. Bunch of animals die. Sad. Those were basically my only friends. I run away in the middle of the night and don't tell my family. Got 850 miles away. Drove from South Texas through Oklahoma and Kansas, to Eastern Nebraska in two days. Stayed in my car. Stayed on the couch of someone I only knew from the internet. Rented a room in a house with strange guys from craigslist. Got screwed out of that and given the wrong date for move out. Had to leave asap. Rented a room in another house sight unseen. Hoarder lady. Cat shit in a room. No cat. Doors don't lock on the house. Random people show up and drop things off for my landlady. I have no idea who they are, they just walk in and leave shit. Can't find/afford anything else. &#x200B; 2017: Finally manage enough money for an apartment. Worked 6 days a week. Worked sick. Get apartment. Calm down. Have safe/private space. Hate Nebraska though. Feel anxious. Tornadoes in the summer. Hail every spring. Ice/snow in winter. Icy roads I'm not used to driving on. Scared of the environment all the time. Car engine dies that fall. Sink my savings into having to buy another car off craigslist. Can't afford to be without a car. Had gotten a better paying job at a call center during this year, but still struggling. &#x200B; 2018: Start trying to recover savings. That fall apartment building gets struck by lightning while I'm inside. Lightning. It also burns down. Insurance doesn't cover everything. Now in debt. God is pursuing me with fire. Reality isn't real. I am destined to die. I am being pursued. Something is after me. Why is this happening again? Brain goes to space world. Resume brief homelessness and stress of recovering after fire #2. Red cross offers no help to even transport me anywhere because I have 2 dogs. My phone is in the burned building. I have no family or friends nearby. I don't even have shoes on. Mental state falls apart. Can't take time off work long due to money. Cause problems with boss/at work due to emotional instability/unwillingness to take a schedule change. Boss says I should bring him a doctors note saying I have problems after I oversleep one day due to having a panic attack the night prior. Ignores that he gets medical insurance in this company and I don't. Tells me he thought he had been very lenient by letting me have 5 days off after the fire. Never get doctor's note. Live in fear. &#x200B; 2019: A chaotic mess. I want to leave Nebraska so bad. I am scared all the time. I am scared every time it rains/storms. I am scared every time a machine in the wall hums weirdly. I am scared when I hear sirens or alarms and sometimes mistake phone rings and stuff for them. I hallucinate smoke when I walk into rooms sometimes. I am scared when I have to drive, and terrified when it is in snow. I am scared of my bosses. I am scared of losing my job. I am scared of calling in when flashbacks and panic attacks interrupt sleep. I am scared of becoming homeless again. I am scared of wasting time feeling miserable only to die before anything gets better. I am indignant and frustrated that I cannot motivate myself to try any harder to get out of here. I am angry I do not have any parents to fall back on or ask for help or money. I am angry there is no way for me to easily get to Oregon. I am angry I feel as tired as I do and people are still mean. I am angry my job doesn't give me insurance. I am angry I make too much for assistance despite how like a stupid feral child I am, but seemingly not enough to afford consistent care. Don't want to do call center work but don't know what else to do that I can survive on. Want a hug from someone safe and somewhere to sleep.",3.0864076073108038,5.902361215664022,3.9886651300701916,82.47766701799905,79.86265607264473,6.864930853158518,25.675380481363945,8.025739664096186,1.9684230489471608,3745,147,648,72,98,1200,404,881,0.256,0.6829999999999999,0.061,-0.9996,12,0,6,0,8,0,153.0,0,0,3,12,23,50,8,18,37,0,72,18,7,12,4,83,117,40,4,8,17,1,8,1,2,1,9,4,8,5,21,25,2,3,10,1,8,25,28,37,0,3,16,16,63,13,125,95,10,147,0,4,3,2,31,63,3,10,53,396,84,17,0.0,0.33624154569274745,0.03956220976406785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08665209110393775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484131473553734,0.0,0.17570481221893125,0.19704721829397934,0.05513859878031538,0.08502163665882602,0.0,0.045799838938822564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672364798782922,0.0,0.03790040248200547,0.09224257800940916,0.07617928868627542,0.031173559548283637,0.03385007742906093,0.024713443469364417,0.044774396745727515,0.034497441527206664,0.0,0.0,0.07171051584135038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525721161504706,0.1241908127132398,0.0,0.12400288549577232,0.041646818612441135,0.04288704784795134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458247519968857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16830080773998035,0.0,0.0,0.08299095057820108,0.035477739851498435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04701473884591513,0.0,0.06773367847601199,0.09120643319631196,0.0,0.08377946925908555,0.13564193815490727,0.0535539529802788,0.0,0.10247273151666003,0.0,0.036435675265652605,0.0,0.07643697438958684,0.04561994435419281,0.06149630825148289,0.0,0.0,0.04441073087699535,0.037053778756497915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06264381837117505,0.0,0.1482671515531545,0.0388906624987897,0.0,0.0,0.0648487510191906,0.0,0.0,0.04014200633423624,0.03585031035614982,0.0,0.0,0.040025886635237706,0.0,0.0,0.045692701792422366,0.0,0.05434761298765594,0.04283383769175142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14033676111935375,0.0,0.04576590277228741,0.0,0.0,0.12069218850684305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02228029694327449,0.0,0.0,0.12878133233048847,0.0,0.041455963114806565,0.0,0.019806305758477128,0.0,0.035798483635555066,0.03587754722281593,0.0,0.04535505701873198,0.0,0.034466544920367284,0.0,0.11508274512754828,0.02706146094854624,0.0,0.0,0.04416108074258926,0.0,0.08168167119487342,0.040855835897867364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308871269315166,0.029802331250773126,0.0,0.0625355031358742,0.0,0.0,0.15218008978055614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054943319772026857,0.09249986994643704,0.0,0.09513235759760612,0.0450160304421984,0.0,0.0,0.11242421824078556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758460575418473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046144582395002715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06447972904012901,0.4464752203414117,0.08205939961509022,0.0,0.03690704284985556,0.0,0.0,0.08322959591262155,0.0,0.0,0.12171096349796433,0.0,0.06870058819337271,0.03121047548799845,0.08019225613884612,0.0,0.02869515883505027,0.1296340727528482,0.06475225847328693,0.0,0.04643962767911368,0.0423823004532873,0.04640979477200867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09144545661903478,0.0,0.0708693168436591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02693366748724917,0.0,0.03983136882060963,0.03218505959182204,0.1418388488582733,0.046595964996303835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0550494139034028,0.0,0.039602708078791335,0.0,0.0,0.035014444440481664,0.0,0.03345060620194351,0.07173647247093576,0.03217959283145756,0.03251957922410709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03658198547011095,0.0,0.0,0.03908011865440896,0.0,0.1770861724782786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04432526618216151,0.19704721829397934,0.05221420488701762 ptsd,skemez1,2019/07/10,"Alan Greenblatt shares his story [A Requiem for PTSD (Video)](https://challenge.musicbed.com/submissions/a-requiem-4-ptsd/DyjWzs) At the tender age of 19 year old my Uncle Alan Greenblatt was involved in a devastating motor vehicle accident that changed the course of his life forever. He suffered many life changing physical injuries as well as emotional trauma that still affects him to this day. Despite everything he has overcome all odds and is fighting to live everyday. He is a PTSD survivor and a true inspiration. This is his story....",8.983940886699507,12.028879183908053,7.296223316912973,64.88896551724139,61.75862068965517,10.028899835796388,41.164203612479476,10.290406445055957,5.234206568144499,447,25,57,11,7,133,65,87,0.16,0.693,0.147,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,2,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,2,8,1,0,6,0,5,3,0,1,2,6,5,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,5,5,9,4,1,8,0,1,0,0,10,2,0,0,6,34,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4147033066612859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12640966346615926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22048387178215992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17616035343202982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768940685935193,0.0,0.0,0.17307963921598976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19872247732376688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20567859345586886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6873724973479294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565331320883928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623573374394638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262234433698054 ptsd,HowlingBukowski,2019/07/10,"I’ve taken time off but still not ready. I’ve been going through some stuff recently, this segment of the year (April-July) is generally difficult for me due to anniversaries of certain things etc etc aka I’ve been feeling rough. I work full time. I have a 5 year old and a fiancé. The past two work weeks I’ve taken time off using my ADAAA accommodations and sick days to try and assist and just relax a little. It’s been nice, mostly. I have to go back to work this Friday and I feel like I’m not capable. I do well in my job, I excel, I’ve been with my company for about a year and have been promoted 3x but I feel like I can’t do it atm. I don’t know why. Things are tight financially and we could really use the money, I NEED to work to earn but I just don’t know. I slept ok last night, got up at a reasonable time, but I haven’t been able to unclench my jaw all day or bring myself to do anything productive; like get dressed. I’ve worn the same clothes for a week or so. I’ll change if I have to leave the house but when I come back I will put the same stuff on, dirty or not. I just got new clothes online so it’s not like I don’t have anything to wear. In two weeks I’ve showered maybe 2x, cause my hair got so dirty it itched like crazy. I’ve been taking my meds. I’m not sad, I’m just indifferent; I can’t. Someone bought some of my art which was wow so that was nice. It wasn’t even up for sale anywhere but I got messaged asking if they would purchase it. I want to help and earn. I want to make art. I want to get dressed and clean my room. I want to be able to peel myself off the couch. I want to be able to sleep at night and at the same time not sleep so much. I don’t have a therapist atm. I do have a psychiatrist. I don’t know what to do. It’s so foggy.",-0.033769230769230774,1.7893113025641052,2.0094230769230776,98.02182692307692,84.69230769230771,5.438461538461539,17.442307692307693,6.6274283507984215,-0.3955692307692309,1368,30,345,15,40,456,173,390,0.083,0.753,0.165,0.9835,3,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,1,0,1,8,17,15,0,0,16,1,37,8,7,5,2,63,72,28,0,10,21,0,6,5,0,2,2,0,4,0,16,13,0,1,7,3,6,5,15,2,1,2,19,6,41,13,39,48,12,45,0,1,0,0,5,15,0,8,30,205,57,9,0.263777273468525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14471081385620946,0.0,0.0821987144595172,0.0,0.0,0.13521896086526908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032397354874244,0.09301379323713364,0.07574025488571524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07020156303750902,0.0,0.0,0.11340967975854935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19612092419377988,0.05807413379441525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337371508595694,0.1256283579140704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918751589212209,0.0,0.09994046884121018,0.0,0.2812890428070575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893478207322055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10145451938933994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08725274747217113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496509112664438,0.07167122792018574,0.0,0.09310068205718856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147804198533151,0.08812470826387249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058691126101445674,0.0,0.08833324175813934,0.0,0.0976656954979534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646355488671481,0.0651958353224051,0.0,0.08491924480537688,0.0,0.1650247349251068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226329213060312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393508484877732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08838967186922184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632749192901566,0.09040232305616748,0.08681607840759584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17597851350720026,0.0,0.07449920927342497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07021762377565292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013079133077996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610922738720272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208858170951132,0.11682793311670545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563510823335654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059695817963384135,0.0,0.17178137856123013,0.0,0.0,0.15187924834773348,0.0,0.0,0.2593044502087236,0.0,0.21158621797658936,0.0,0.07905581574174726,0.0,0.07933932045833894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560439955430011,0.0,0.0,0.06245993564411314,0.0,0.0,0.16986391583610894 ptsd,throwaway4565445644,2019/07/10,"a lot of repressed trauma and shame TW: sexual assault hello everyone. i made this throw away because this is something i rarely tell anyone but i need help. &#x200B; some backstory: C is a very manipulative and terrible person. C would constantly pit our friend group against each other and then was the ""ring leader"" sort of deal. C honestly never cared about any of us and just wanted our fully devoted attention. &#x200B; i'm 21 now living in a different country and this happened to me when i was around 13/14 yrs old. i was at a party with a friend and we and a couple others had a sleep over together afterwards. the next morning i awoke to my friend (let's call her C) lightly caressing my private part down below. i thought i just had morning wood and ignored it until i was certain it was actually C doing it. i didn't really know what to do i mean i was never taught about sex (due to our school system failing us) and it felt sort of good but also sort of weird. this went on for about 20 min. and then i held her hand and C put her hand down my pants and did things for a bit then abruptly stopped. C had a partner and C told me C felt like C cheated and i reassured C that it was ok and that we don't have to talk about it ever again and we can pretend it didn't happen and this relieved C. &#x200B; then a couple of years later i decide to end it with some of the people in the group, including C, because they're toxic. C then, after telling her this, tells me that I r\*ped her that night and told everyone imaginable that i was some rapist monster. everyone shunned me and i was completely alone. C told their relatives and they wanted to talk so then i told my parents and it was the most embarassing thing to have to explain. we eventually moved away and i'm starting to find peace but being told i r\*ped somebody when really i was the one who was sexually and mentally taken advantage of has given me severe PTSD (i've seen a therapist about this for about a year now) and also developed into a host of other problems. &#x200B; the biggest problem i have is that i fear so much to go out in public. i fear that everyone knows and thinks i'm disgusting and ontop of all that i feel disgusting. my body was basically used and thrown away by C and even after C did this to me and told the school i was a r\*pist, one of our mututal friends who still talked to me told me C said that i ""had a nice d\*ck"" like what the fuck. i feel so much shame and violated, uneasy, disgusting, etc. and i've felt like this for almost the majority of my life now because i had no way to cope with it or deal with it healthily until seeing a therapist recently. i feel so damaged and i blame myself honestly for even getting into that situation to begin with. i wish i could've gotten away but it seems like C will always loom over me and have power over me because C is a ""victim..."" &#x200B; if anyone has any helpful advice of how i can move past this please help. it's becoming unbearable to deal with. thank you and sorry for the long, drawn out story",4.829117647058824,5.496562859477123,5.801836601307192,80.71726470588234,69.09803921568627,8.995816993464052,29.352287581699358,9.120678840339163,2.348241699346406,2418,86,477,44,40,800,279,612,0.158,0.693,0.149,-0.6151,3,1,1,0,0,0,81.0,10,1,2,3,26,42,9,5,28,1,42,8,4,4,5,104,89,57,0,8,8,1,8,4,5,2,1,2,0,2,42,50,0,4,17,1,0,6,6,22,0,2,43,14,69,20,73,42,13,67,0,2,2,3,54,21,1,12,42,335,111,4,0.0,0.0,0.05227249066768791,0.0,0.0,0.052343876635628,0.0,0.0,0.05363840788054726,0.05547801083262914,0.0,0.08567309661434555,0.04457103396145641,0.2901925919884957,0.32544153059168063,0.07285315727715477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490890110704841,0.0,0.0,0.047684915714770765,0.0,0.0,0.201307317294553,0.0,0.0,0.13061285007311035,0.059159214058060926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05847997662989199,0.059499524643368974,0.0,0.0,0.054696667495568035,0.0,0.054613899758546136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616271875911597,0.05788559668745625,0.0,0.042767930015312455,0.11853907052947242,0.0,0.0,0.16567195314510555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05596485670375271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04744339674857048,0.0,0.059740022853739014,0.07075940712295496,0.048453329858968434,0.0,0.20473765722081674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205528270405586,0.08125342892480461,0.0,0.15429469535235693,0.0,0.04895816780211257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553920676946987,0.04952071594645457,0.027985917954483696,0.0,0.030442676716575683,0.04492844890082441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473611432228908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771207332642137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058876722052993866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054774656369344456,0.037835106372440364,0.10467817031410584,0.0,0.0472995799000213,0.04740404450530737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04553972486475428,0.0,0.05068525205043326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058348856010783524,0.0,0.0,0.053981724312870405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138639295210018,0.07875404793977323,0.039718359559439725,0.08262648935849128,0.0,0.056967832532992764,0.05026787160209994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056208292950908297,0.0,0.07259514034131546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947847820480848,0.05800653793009133,0.05113461409290577,0.037135778902769014,0.04677158759189669,0.0,0.05879915932324097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251046653934101,0.06261554990265226,0.05384842070481408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686312420557096,0.0,0.05288976206350412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0509533391520748,0.0,0.0,0.1084228921022441,0.04268500482165647,0.048764289569417286,0.0,0.06051410342820671,0.0,0.0,0.060210199864481465,0.0536044813265294,0.0,0.0,0.04123756732522701,0.0,0.059962523963834766,0.03791414664039632,0.0,0.04277771447729895,0.0447834045995457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916247517094104,0.14045660209936728,0.049316188854473766,0.0,0.1243880372174064,0.07117347037841901,0.034322799664513286,0.0,0.042525259260935436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3582909001364293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12886611621225902,0.046263649860926286,0.0,0.04419739218176085,0.06318898952868257,0.04251803617653649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965603023882922,0.0,0.0,0.06159802270836395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038051605132510685,0.0,0.32544153059168063,0.06898923376510441 ptsd,crappy_bob,2019/07/10,"Crying Does anyone here cry at ""inappropriate"" times? I find myself welling up with tears when I talk to other people. I do not sob but I have to wipe the tears away to continue talking. This does not happen all the time. It happens at times when I have been thinking about the trauma or I'm n a cycle where I am having bad dreams. Yesterday I met a guy who casually mentioned in detail some horrible stuff he lived through. He began to well up and wipe the tears away and continue talking. This continued well after we changed the subject. How do you all deal with this?",2.7524815724815745,5.157328621621623,3.8661752661752686,85.31705159705162,78.09909909909909,6.55888615888616,24.505323505323506,7.686295010490155,1.3685063063063063,451,16,86,7,11,146,75,111,0.192,0.6940000000000001,0.114,-0.8943,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,1,0,0,9,7,0,0,7,0,7,0,0,1,2,15,13,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,3,3,0,3,0,10,4,16,10,3,19,0,1,0,0,12,8,1,2,11,64,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216129168245713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3014179676807832,0.0,0.13393432415105874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969083099993468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35240221780555736,0.0,0.16537402974986926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807489654566116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14661038295687245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588295477229165,0.28369725878584695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141643567031977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120699590603914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362925490509766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3867906173492889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027832337048604,0.0,0.0,0.2806063058498006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4326792812672592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sassubus,2019/07/10,"84 hours of being triggered but I'm doing better. 2 months ago today I finished being in labour for 84 hours. The pain of the contractions was similar enough to abuse I've suffered that I was triggered horribly. I had to have my husband talk to me through them so I didn't risk lashing out at the midwives in blind panic. I know I'm not the only one that hates seeing a loved one having to see us go through that. He knows a lot of my history but until I was pregnant my husband had never seen a panic that didn't have an outside trigger. There was nothing he could do to stop it though he did admit after that if I had said no to the epidural in the labour room he was going to find a way to go around me, for my own sake. The midwife honestly looked like she would have been tempered to help especially since she told me to get one instead of suggesting it. Not that I needed convincing. I hadn't slept in 2 days and still had to give birth. It took a long while to shake off the feel of that panic and helplessness but seeing my healthy, happy bub helps a lot. I don't regret going through that for him, but I've never wished more that during that 84 hours that I didn't have to go through my abuse to begin with. Luckily, I'm doing better and am stable when dealing with my mother (abuser/enabled other abuse). The labour made me realize her behaviour put my son at risk and if I get blinded by panic and rage when even hearing about her she still controls me and that just gives the triggers more power. I just wanted to share cause I'm happy with my progress, even if it's only a little, and wanted to share with others who could understand.",4.8519218194740565,5.196906811940298,5.49590618336887,84.07258706467664,68.94029850746269,7.9331911869225324,28.191186922530214,7.62386473244151,1.5730739161336178,1302,41,262,13,21,422,167,335,0.174,0.657,0.16899999999999998,-0.7015,1,0,0,0,4,0,24.0,1,0,1,5,14,24,3,7,18,0,30,5,1,7,2,51,66,20,0,11,11,4,1,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,19,13,0,2,7,0,0,8,10,14,0,3,21,10,35,10,45,40,6,41,0,3,7,1,31,11,0,5,22,188,54,3,0.0,0.3205367756648742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993691299206485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027709398233293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950934158741967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09263713331498027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114173450347808,0.14399879231434146,0.0,0.0,0.058157027476944026,0.0929690430996304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931774637462192,0.0,0.11912277689072395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045596453668211516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242060154539818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422804390605376,0.17301295064742586,0.25624975772929004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19199125176658768,0.0,0.08903161201300377,0.0,0.0,0.10163659670757652,0.0,0.1208881551443272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26642001868120097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911839160818373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04405617159139255,0.09038154575184497,0.0,0.07980425002023192,0.07572638844463872,0.0,0.0,0.15333137190656929,0.08138871476010938,0.08532813115805724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197882037353334,0.0,0.0,0.06686547381669336,0.13910089495255645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08652774361156698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18331982398897,0.13716810502121826,0.09595521827586112,0.423215466965113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065329496601256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577945319839927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21557937718927495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459576009353157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403173640840902,0.0753924281085175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248125885559352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885989361610131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547772607946273,0.08616846598172279,0.10019052086267892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387795806345643,0.10847242956440112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10637805215772704,0.07157870229873929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369967491739714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640595088743121,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,imcoping,2019/07/10,"i feel like an animal!!! cw: sexual assault, csa, psychosis a few nights ago i had the worst trauma nightmare of being sexually assualted by my neighbor (who is an old man). the nightmare took place in my living room, in the exact same spot where i was sleeping irl, and in the dream he smashed through the window to get in and assault me. when i woke up i thought it was real and because i had been on the edge of a psychotic episode before then, it sent me full off the cliff. i desperately called my psychiatrist sobbing when i woke up because i felt so scared and unsafe and ofc she didnt answer, because it was 2am. i wanted to run away to a safer place (not in rhe same room where i had jsut been assaulted in my room) but i felt like if i moved i would be “found”/“seen”. i didnt sleep for the rest of the night because i was paranoid and having flashbacks and phantom hands. ever since then, my paranoia and my delusions and hallucinations have gotten so much worse. ive had persecutory delusions for a while but i cannot shake the feeling of intruders being in my house to harm me, and i am terrified to move in my own home. i always feel on edge and like a scared animal. im hallucinating sounds of the window smashing and the garage door opening (a common trigger for me as it signaled my dad being home: he abused me), as well as voices of intruders/their footsteps. i havent slept soundly for days and i just want to be able to sleep again and not feel so scared. ive called my psychiatrist 3 times and she wont answer and hasnt called me back. i dont take sleep aids because theyve worsened my nightmares before. i guess this post doesnt rly have a point, im just venting... spending hours alone in a dark house every night in the peak time of my paranoia, silent because everyone is sleeping, is driving me crazy. i cant keep functioning like this.",3.96969534050179,5.160178801075271,4.850537634408603,84.82636200716846,71.47311827956989,7.446594982078854,28.025089605734767,7.793537801064563,1.5932949820788536,1462,53,298,18,27,475,187,372,0.171,0.774,0.055,-0.9928,0,1,0,0,1,0,43.0,0,0,0,0,13,16,3,4,23,0,34,7,7,1,2,44,53,30,0,4,7,1,7,4,1,2,0,3,9,1,7,17,0,1,9,1,1,7,11,11,1,0,21,10,47,5,39,25,8,52,0,1,0,0,12,26,1,2,22,193,54,0,0.087202886760633,0.10332116128978264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773000975921921,0.0,0.0,0.09031589166938553,0.0,0.0,0.07255978746245596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192998265511102,0.06705363720596384,0.0,0.3189484222880983,0.0,0.14840646767440624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671316917495191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05623864784578099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022011338302501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07888000353447802,0.07347219312549946,0.08332609529739861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763695987990177,0.062297759725756865,0.16745689305798914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956134643304623,0.0,0.0,0.04555990916600925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606381110722076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17494321101940466,0.0,0.08587727777534944,0.20124084647615556,0.0,0.0,0.18838816358396365,0.0,0.0,0.07750993248347095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704117027331824,0.0,0.07700174664058552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853657362498841,0.06410415546181429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455020058178978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150476055081624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822169129530514,0.0,0.08243491445273257,0.0,0.08351626041236014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09925597627511157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619159069419612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213512905816293,0.0,0.4363293182127773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06556571831083549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922935143096882,0.10169740907432824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688561580138128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028690439206213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0784058678434971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886719156012328,0.06194642878170409,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,whoreofgralea,2019/07/10,"tw: suicidal actions Can a suicide attempt cause ptsd? I hesitated posting this here. But I'm hoping for some answers if possible. A few weeks ago I survived a suicide attempt. The details don't matter but I was legitly close to going through with it. In the immediate aftermath I kind of assumed I was 'better' because I calmed down and knew for sure that I didn't want to do that; I took my meds, only stayed inpatient a couple of days, that kind of thing. But in the weeks that have followed it's like I'm in a fog. I can't sleep until the wee hours so I get up late and feel like I'm just kind of...drifting all day long. It's like my mind's been replaced with syrup. I know that's the depression but honestly, even at my lowest I've never felt it as viscerally before. But what really makes me wonder, is that a few hours ago I was watching a movie in which a possessed man slashes his wrist and is hospitalized. The scrubs they put him in were blue instead of green, but suddenly it was like I was wearing them again, those awful little papery things that rip at the crotch, sitting in that stupid chair in front of the door wondering what my mother would say when she found out.... I'd never reacted like that, before or since. I didn't start crying then but I did breathe faster and my heart rate picked up. I'm misting over now remembering it. I feel like maybe there's no way it can be since I'm not like, having nightmares or disassociating or deliberately avoiding things. I don't know. Just confused, I guess is all. Thanks for reading.",3.1648626373626385,5.010977788961039,4.2780519480519485,85.49037462537464,74.68181818181819,7.0761238761238765,26.131868131868128,7.882392219407189,1.4776249750249757,1221,44,246,18,26,398,178,308,0.11699999999999999,0.737,0.146,0.8848,2,1,0,0,0,2,37.0,0,0,2,4,10,20,1,2,16,1,23,6,6,4,5,52,47,20,3,4,14,1,3,7,0,1,0,1,1,1,24,8,0,1,12,1,0,6,9,4,0,0,14,7,29,16,29,31,5,47,0,1,3,0,8,16,0,11,28,156,53,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825581221540882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061291869653399264,0.0,0.17111437279733258,0.0,0.0,0.08892471005051543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328837343273524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125216631687744,0.11044498996574598,0.12968762216231186,0.0,0.08660006777130083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06640964278329965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167809311795832,0.14366007424338434,0.09653986674311717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11024342965821247,0.0,0.0,0.05253110193788127,0.0,0.05714257279183482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107626846977933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191474188557808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986480176127012,0.1980349880210168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31410936130032724,0.11051483438793573,0.0,0.11342019583851636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34385166059848177,0.10077344273276204,0.0,0.08897998980152097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671151933620648,0.0,0.10101190750111556,0.0,0.11168386898652856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10152273343486214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509444936983996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646971547748208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113350436092974,0.09629521369778048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753281919079366,0.10107643715096752,0.0,0.0,0.10057314565285172,0.0,0.0644123015442178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389894578933295,0.0,0.0,0.07995816431880932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16634527536256274,0.0,0.10061854956735576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07116693135789554,0.10716859024058928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299428057773631,0.0,0.0947633552337759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09256918955152993,0.0,0.0,0.20039475748851554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11171023501016714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059304598399837885,0.0798086843612119,0.16130377083696812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180755582515569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142494848183735,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sidthewanker,2019/07/10,"will this leave a permanent mark on me? possible trigger warning! hi, im 14 y/o and ive just realised my sister's boyfriend has been grooming me. ive talked to some people on r/SuicideWatch and r/survivorsofabuse and they were all very kind and helpful and i appreciate the time they took to warn me, a lot. long story short, I met my sister's boyfriend when i was about 10-11. hes probably 30 right now and my sister is turning 30 soon. he has been touching me inappropriately for a long time now and it was until recently that i figured out this was wrong. he seemed like such a cool and nice guy to whom i could talk about videogames and tv shows with. will this leave a permanent mark on me? i don't want to develop ptsd, i want to live a normal life. a few years ago when i started researching more about mental health and i came across ptsd it seemed like such a serious thing to me, which i guess it is, but i never thought id get to the point of thinking im at risk. i understand you guys can't diagnose me and im ok with that. i just want to compare my experiences to someone who has gone through the same things. somehow this is all my fault. i did this to myself. i think it was like 2 years ago when i told him the tv in my living room had some porn channels in it. he didn't believe me so he started searching for them until he found one. we ended up watching porn together, another time i woke up before him and saw him stroking himself (he probably thought i was asleep), today he asked me if id wear lingerie after touching me on my thighs, waist and resting his head on my shoulder while playing a sexual hentai videogame. i can't help but think im the cause of this. im a teen, sexual thoughts do cross my mind but for some reason i think im the one who kickstarted the situation im in for even daring to think about anything sexual. ive never been so ashamed of myself. can i live a normal life after this? i feel like im overreacting to this even though ive been told my reaction is perfectly normal. i wish i could forget all of this. i don't even feel like a normal person anymore, everything feels like a bad dream that im going to wake up from any minute now, the world doesn't even look real.",3.0230905695611585,4.283957098039217,4.33241456582633,87.35929411764704,73.880174291939,7.598655462184872,26.186181139122315,8.146662555663855,1.4655517086834733,1744,60,377,27,35,576,219,459,0.076,0.8170000000000001,0.107,0.9492,0,0,0,0,1,1,43.0,1,1,3,1,23,18,0,2,21,2,36,14,7,3,6,69,71,26,0,11,6,3,6,6,0,2,5,0,1,3,23,18,1,0,17,6,0,5,8,6,0,2,25,10,62,12,47,42,11,52,0,0,3,2,36,19,0,9,34,236,85,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161494047584278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0428128332318393,0.06601577174412797,0.0,0.0,0.06243630203307628,0.0,0.0,0.0518081430633436,0.0,0.058856178676088125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525663601147807,0.0,0.0,0.053571662816962816,0.07093083802898131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200589200156532,0.0,0.06467405191035233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053188215032734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06389990192095943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05576110381108966,0.0,0.0,0.16632968617758734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056581578906380575,0.06158390329017304,0.0,0.0,0.09549866147430816,0.13492921018519613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06902896284966405,0.0,0.0,0.03289236823785438,0.0,0.03577984235986574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06935409457812942,0.1246744067346619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461191582581112,0.06692021311061466,0.0,0.0,0.08439733119296176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6120380467737981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06555989625006725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332447871121478,0.0,0.0,0.08893660398381299,0.18454529149461624,0.0,0.16677621960776792,0.11142970477996407,0.05286791810147791,0.0,0.0,0.0535236829514855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344572141964701,0.0,0.06356849579515407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971124448589055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24673747820496605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532241437528783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04364636945109477,0.054971514053740414,0.0,0.0,0.05951459542984009,0.07097441603833707,0.0,0.0,0.13575631677805605,0.0,0.1471864334172262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07165870567372509,0.0,0.06473015196785945,0.062162317942712375,0.0,0.0,0.05376482644145087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146271472662313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076616421295696,0.0,0.0,0.05334315507310595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0891223989685231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120470118209716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08365149930977737,0.2017011139951553,0.061854809096869474,0.1499421769151028,0.11013197861918138,0.0,0.05967575523786301,0.1203159822096132,0.06994740354460323,0.0,0.06847900043634192,0.0,0.0655403261712552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05194601446197816,0.11140078639920188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07239729813195624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06883345862939293,0.0,0.08108432552185316 ptsd,Socl_suicd,2019/07/10,"TW I’m cutting bc of the flashbacks I had some violent flashbacks and brutal compulsive images last night and I know I shouldn’t cut but it’s the only thing that gives me some sense of control right now. I’m losing everyone and everything because of what happened to me when I was younger and what I continue to allowed to happen to me as I got older. I’ve dumped all my trauma on the only person who has loved me unconditionally and now I may lose him too. Fuck what happened to me.",4.169693877551018,5.3052304591836785,5.523061224489798,80.40051020408163,70.93877551020408,8.048979591836735,29.306122448979593,8.418075326091056,2.1331469387755098,387,15,75,6,7,130,65,98,0.247,0.703,0.049,-0.9607,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,3,4,10,6,0,3,0,5,2,0,2,1,14,15,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,7,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,3,0,14,1,10,10,3,9,0,2,0,2,5,2,1,3,7,52,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261261482657144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255947627709036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19219716506652307,0.18077098089675456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859499878267712,0.0,0.19295108863422689,0.0,0.0,0.16086942599797774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5336003014586813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054086698657906,0.16395532767337834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4500467240486897,0.0,0.0,0.18153601862448004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887555527790668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30595091397144275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562702754047366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177181339612352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336279746517236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,This_IsFrom_Mathilda,2019/07/10,"Anyone else randomly check your abuser’s social media? Why do I do this? Sometimes I get urges out of nowhere to just see what he’s doing even though I have him blocked on everything so all I can see is what he changes his profile picture or bio to on instagram and he has a facebook he hasn’t used since before I knew him so I’ll look at that sometimes. It just makes me uncomfortable that’s he’s still out there just living a normal life and I don’t know. I know I shouldn’t care and I don’t think I do care but I still do it. I think part of it could be because I don’t remember a lot of my trauma because I kind of blew off my treatment for it right after it happened (I’m great at avoiding things that make me anxious, probably my best talent) and maybe I’m trying to remember it by looking at his face or something cause I forget what he looks like until I see his face but then I automatically get anxious and repress it again. Does anyone else do this or know why?",2.290631276901003,3.8309106829268313,3.7909899569583954,89.36114777618364,76.3170731707317,6.384505021520805,24.741750358680054,7.048011613610866,0.8774791965566706,770,26,167,8,17,255,111,205,0.106,0.8,0.094,0.4291,0,1,1,0,1,0,10.0,0,1,0,1,11,10,0,2,3,0,17,3,2,4,1,37,39,15,0,3,8,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,16,7,0,3,8,0,1,0,5,3,0,0,1,6,28,7,19,35,4,15,0,0,6,0,13,9,0,5,7,109,44,0,0.0,0.1348653334601624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2571822215916899,0.0,0.15917973259373314,0.2332566126235791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13877468659052844,0.0,0.0968576402970263,0.0,0.11945348532916103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321066210020355,0.1169307750981483,0.12041293701685653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088089082626208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961000042214307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19017422670750805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075181075532179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229957274010043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893889432495505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254936937864551,0.0,0.0,0.10065605770428514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11853238288673645,0.18766756821725566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039875136352549,0.0556096902796268,0.0,0.10051054506221913,0.0,0.2867558066409803,0.0,0.0,0.09677089263403553,0.0,0.0,0.15195963146421504,0.0,0.11435363193070194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152542526738983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326259042573742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227238040329656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25788559876358164,0.09720688039664872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27211402995608075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415813869276596,0.0,0.0,0.11603138992742715,0.0,0.08762890447778918,0.2251538768049704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180336517649973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756210130917186,0.14587035697287573,0.11183358020107602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728046043954911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983092169934318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542072879350445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Maritime_Fiction,2019/07/10,"Dating With PTSD Recently I started dating someone. I haven’t really dated anyone since I developed PTSD, and it feels weird. I’m worried to show that side of myself to this person that I like very much. I get panic attacks when we go to certain parts of town, and I just stifle them. It’s very frustrating, and I’m wondering if it gets better. I really like this person, I just don’t want to freak them out.",2.1903658536585344,4.4018030975609745,4.092865853658537,83.97515243902441,79.0,7.0268292682926825,21.22560975609756,8.07648339933343,1.2456292682926833,322,9,61,6,8,109,53,82,0.192,0.6759999999999999,0.132,-0.7316,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,0,2,1,3,9,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,13,11,5,0,2,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,7,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,12,4,8,11,2,10,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,2,8,38,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355893765982521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22060549322834655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17150142654541345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804888881977393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20262442048405535,0.0,0.11020595675496386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894734490371503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254931132260282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22751663193600905,0.0,0.2099902735276916,0.0,0.0,0.3386369475655865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4533508435546127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2484529124836356,0.0,0.19146696215373096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16040790016387454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16430294415590332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372535287863765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199991864587395,0.11437566926557652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102917699342706,0.0,0.19692936894249827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Tyrienne,2019/01/13,"I just published an article on Managing PTSD with Cannabis! My article got published! I have been on disability since 2012, I am so excited!!!😄😄😄 https://www.monroeblvd.com/blogs/marijuana-effects/managing-ptsd-with-marijuana",12.978275862068967,18.432116482758623,11.899586206896556,20.07903448275863,73.82758620689654,10.595862068965518,36.83448275862069,9.3871,5.755449655172415,194,9,21,6,5,62,22,29,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,13,4,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069388322104466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8972216783381898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31746151451993243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,stellabella00,2019/01/13,"Husband is a combat vet and I’m not sure how to handle his issues anymore My husband served in Afghanistan years ago and the first time we hung out he told me some of the awful things he had seen (this was after we had a few drinks). Since then he has never spoken about it again and if I ask anything he changes the subject. I’m sure he’s still affected deep down but he would never go to therapy or anything like that. He does not want to be around anyone else really anymore, not even his own family. And barely goes to anything with me and my family. Since we got our two dogs, he has put all his focus on them and I feel like I am just left out in the cold. We used to have a great love life but he has no interest in sex anymore and the only thing he likes to talk about is the dogs. We don’t have kids but I want a baby so badly. We were talking about it earlier but when we got home today, one of our dogs had eaten the stuffing out of the couch and when my husband saw it he picked the dog up and threw him in the floor and punched him (not super hard but still!). I cried and begged him to stop- I’m so upset about that and I’m so afraid of his reaction if we were to have a child and they did something wrong. He’s never hit me but I feel like I am emotionally shut out and forgotten. I have been dealing with my own depression lately and I feel so lost and hopeless at this point. It’s hard for me to feel like eating anymore and I have lost a lot of weight, which was a red flag to my parents. They are concerned and want me to come stay with them for a while. I have tried SO hard to make everything perfect or at least to cover up when he isn’t dealing well but I guess I’m not even able to do that effectively anymore. I just miss how our relationship used to be so much, it’s like I lost the man I married and it’s breaking my soul ",1.8847727272727253,3.1895810505050517,3.300896464646467,93.43801136363639,76.87878787878788,6.364141414141415,21.718434343434343,6.9077264865688965,0.30723131313131313,1440,37,337,14,32,472,185,396,0.146,0.735,0.11900000000000001,-0.2472,1,0,2,0,1,1,26.0,11,0,4,7,24,24,0,2,19,1,29,7,0,8,7,81,61,43,0,6,18,4,8,6,0,1,1,0,2,3,14,36,4,1,5,1,0,4,11,10,1,3,19,12,48,14,45,38,8,45,1,6,3,2,50,20,0,7,25,226,62,0,0.08270141156106738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330981143124886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100878886818902,0.05782674986709493,0.08473736934497528,0.2041686452934448,0.07362179000679786,0.07731465593966362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06905222421322259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748712761576975,0.0712399431764288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084361724071867,0.0,0.17052304782532984,0.07123060459398188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237256257206781,0.0,0.0,0.08101589857363567,0.0,0.08462419045700223,0.06908641734592426,0.09302795670052268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10924700472099284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432669609328603,0.0,0.15592706116526392,0.0,0.16726527433863156,0.17724571483124973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07034577842580822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04700111804493192,0.0,0.1322877474862197,0.09117859820770732,0.09110492867409783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222526616380373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295625885668455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08631878716847789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329079446081816,0.0,0.08985532564216411,0.0,0.05841445275688801,0.2424223936744973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708350803374599,0.07030978267875519,0.07464125281254742,0.0,0.055203834403997766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079505324375877,0.0,0.19135328092858955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056040616803133214,0.06289815016052386,0.0,0.0,0.09183013048635652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07817956538377481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08313776090201876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0529806419366915,0.0,0.0,0.08879036587731068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13682292451224212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366758704511315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08814870095115188,0.13209090820487362,0.06914208318912762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558902033306051,0.0,0.0,0.13294452387798775,0.0,0.0,0.0945762716195661,0.0,0.1098862860867322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822385814839277,0.0,0.07839126813765503,0.07902474283773196,0.0,0.05614882978673468,0.0,0.08078726211006383,0.0,0.0,0.14285493280023145,0.0,0.0,0.14633830577521806,0.0,0.0,0.10070803939138706,0.07435850103364908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058748709953565674,0.09042101085694032,0.0,0.05325699757304082 ptsd,KittenBurglarr1975,2019/01/13,I am pretty sure I accidentally caused damage I was watching the movie Lolita a few days ago and it triggered me worse than it usually does. I remember having a relationship like that with one of my abusers and I still think I have Stockholm Syndrome over it. I still feel like I love him sometimes and I feel as if he loved me because of how he'd treat me after my other parent would beat me. I know it was just grooming but I feel like it wasn't. My therapist told me this is normal but I feel guilty over it. ,2.525619047619045,4.286570133333335,3.90666666666667,87.83333333333334,76.23809523809524,6.571428571428571,24.04761904761905,7.3871296695380915,0.9557619047619048,404,13,85,5,9,133,68,105,0.113,0.722,0.165,0.5499,1,0,0,0,1,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,3,0,9,2,0,3,1,21,18,8,0,3,4,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,5,22,7,8,12,1,8,0,1,1,2,8,2,0,1,9,62,31,0,0.0,0.20749211751117072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15523597231199712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675335476823407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989955984132885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293984680212925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532513165733894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35418980064273337,0.2502158109788434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096243020398005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566687545469605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31611068774356005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715833569039445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866787635318066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944533659993931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17816304785552578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18801656299209893,0.19838021969855466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732011239119221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27970690646215185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505135407854893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20333129946343376,0.0,0.11221174661371687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16733753029259255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928732422269707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846529717532572,0.12440235397781747,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Standard_Inspection,2019/01/13,"Having a flea problem with PTSD is a fucking nightmare tw: suicidal thoughts mentioned, pests My family and I had a really bad flea infestation from September-December and I still put the meds on the cats about every 3 weeks to ensure the fleas can't mate again. Wearing socks 24/7, having to put on clothing to a half-dried body out the shower every time, being so fucking paranoid about getting bitten. Your home, your bed, clothes, fucking violating. I brought them with me to school by accident, on campus, driving, they'd hide on me. They're so tiny and hard to kill, they're terrifying. It was so fucking stressful, oh my God. My grades were shit too this semester because of this, I couldn't focus. I couldn't relax knowing I'd be getting bitten, it was horrifying. I already have a lot of problems and this made everything a million times worse :(. I totally fell into being a victim to all of this, but I still took charge and vacuumed, called pest control, put the meds on my kitties, I changed and washed sheets. I even got the opportunity to throw away a ton of junk I didn't need hanging around. I still feel like I'm a victim to it, I feel weak, defeated and so upset just replaying this all in my head even though I won! But wow, it's really been an experience from hell. I'm fucking drained thinking about it! I wanted to curl up and die every second deep into the infestation, now I'm on maintenance in terms of preventing another one. What a horrible time. I always think ""If I were okay, if X and Y didn't happen, maybe I could've handled it strong, maybe I could've had good grades still"". But I know that X and Y did happen, and I just have to suffer the consequences of X and Y, and keep going.",4.2084179104477615,5.6334565880597,5.275402985074628,81.10743283582092,71.17910447761193,8.345074626865673,28.92238805970149,8.841846274778883,2.2946143283582088,1347,52,259,25,25,444,185,335,0.212,0.696,0.09300000000000001,-0.9893,1,0,0,0,0,0,52.0,0,2,2,5,20,27,11,2,19,1,22,11,4,2,3,47,50,23,3,8,7,0,3,1,1,0,2,0,4,0,13,19,0,3,7,1,0,10,5,19,0,3,16,3,32,8,38,28,6,36,1,2,0,5,7,15,7,3,12,165,45,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10443753250351094,0.0,0.07874801555574071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923823397474038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842496157421036,0.0,0.0,0.08891734353473077,0.0,0.07902040082921667,0.05769163195895057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512364367017016,0.0,0.0,0.0966379650629811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011651283306756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614674553719138,0.1511245900665036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982213210247827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12501758199399352,0.0,0.2392147059480396,0.0,0.08505628000434735,0.09257602603625678,0.08921811725683379,0.0,0.09570559944770472,0.06761079550446697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4374655199894083,0.09889093011964546,0.0,0.053786061631605736,0.07937949557097985,0.07569220941295607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673795813396086,0.0,0.08477880139804382,0.0,0.09712788703175942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949315811451042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412033141760507,0.10470507689233877,0.0,0.10402327727262538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04623629660111842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045949674748445,0.0,0.08955060410682325,0.0,0.0,0.1901570901321892,0.0,0.21024728734034034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017431992132002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413047592538157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18111529161847792,0.1106290309986831,0.2854178528805353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212575441190466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578067676475012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971465433668809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023183288061462,0.0,0.10840973706053213,0.0,0.0,0.10352073897159196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12128291052143884,0.09298326529317644,0.07513354481944409,0.16555593873343727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514846097368173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055821091503725516,0.0,0.07591445515809261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096446189109809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway63937294,2019/01/13,"I’m such a terrible person.... I really hate myself.. but basically I’m in an abusive home and I really needed someone to talk too, so I forced myself to have a Ptsd attack so someone would call me... I feel terrible, I wanna die. I’m alone and I had no one to vent too and I feel like a worthless peace of shit.. I hate that I’m doing this for attention, it’s not right!! I’m sorry..",-1.3560162601625976,0.6639451463414652,2.4725609756097557,89.50648373983742,97.53658536585364,5.660162601626017,16.589430894308947,7.1686216300943375,0.3965577235772355,290,8,64,6,12,107,52,82,0.426,0.498,0.077,-0.9902,0,1,0,0,0,1,19.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,4,0,4,0,4,1,1,0,0,11,14,6,1,3,2,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,7,0,1,1,2,11,1,7,12,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,2,1,0,1,41,14,0,0.0,0.2398375660465776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20964866599359308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302848201735591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20669600806950075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21008260004134272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20470179957583784,0.1446106768087359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3997006287115161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20304627533941594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889341036041256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500937213162117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716672697665644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674752208809388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366210740170511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593540778863037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286771180675306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20778379075551173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430238603330186,0.0,0.0,0.22659541987819795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1626995405303425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14379513856423115,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,clambarf,2019/01/13,Not sure how I'm feeling. Had a situation two nights ago trigger an episode at a friends house. I cant stop thinking about it/ get it out of my head. It feels like there are more bad days than good ones now. ,1.4113636363636353,3.157985590909096,2.1090909090909093,99.53363636363638,79.45454545454545,5.3090909090909095,24.63636363636364,5.985473137389443,0.19988181818181872,162,6,40,1,4,50,41,44,0.11599999999999999,0.645,0.239,0.6289,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,2,1,9,8,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,2,2,4,5,7,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,6,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441327775792189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22995436717234835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761552357052746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27850935106507424,0.19675169362720232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21277971432992848,0.0,0.14388943245109467,0.0,0.0,0.2309993555959776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28264829794330204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31778411892703395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13455054914593734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584519659892678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866237434020977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095703882344583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2302536111746153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595689962467108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17647047246732173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690338210792788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SuperSonicSP,2019/01/13,"I know i don't suffer with ptsd but can you guys help me out? Sorry if this is the wrong sub... So, my mother does this thing i despise where whenever i do something she doesn't like (for example, staying up late)' she just whips out her phone and takes a picture of me. I absolutely hate it because photographs of me make me highly uncomfortable. She uses it as a way of shaming me, and i feel like shes sending them to other people as well. She does this so frequently that now everytime i see a flash, or generally anything that lights up similar to a camera (like a lighter flicker), a complete sense of dread and fear comes to me. I get nervous, my breath hitches, my eyes widen, i become extremely nervous and anxious, my hands shake even more. And the reason why i request help is because i know that i don't suffer from ptsd. There's no way such a miniature thing such as having a photo taken of you can lead to ptsd. That's why i'm ashamed of posting this here. I truly feel ashamed that i'm posting such a stupid thing here while people have suffered trough genuinely horrifying things. But i don't know why i act that way. Can anyone help? ",4.824078947368419,5.5399690394736885,5.5020350877193,82.68857894736844,69.1315789473684,8.185263157894736,30.55087719298245,8.238735603445708,2.1086329824561405,903,35,179,12,15,293,126,228,0.26,0.652,0.08800000000000001,-0.993,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,2,1,1,13,19,3,8,11,0,13,3,3,4,0,24,28,15,0,1,5,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,17,9,0,0,6,0,0,5,5,15,1,0,1,6,34,4,20,27,1,21,0,3,2,0,17,6,0,2,7,119,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13204269370971772,0.0,0.08172618054850891,0.0,0.09618341918429524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142499612319449,0.12908630450492742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068296198011496,0.12254790620525485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045673716443374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07719905106833737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152405071688902,0.11819747816981732,0.08350008329502058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061065698462066574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573094513203915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539616758251528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2350293816044526,0.12349159826301125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19270485398248344,0.0,0.13184729090156086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1713070193291065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801923068199858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206166832323954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22388011163224789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098842455992314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12017352818408365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313932948458184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998099886118026,0.0,0.13083913893249058,0.0,0.12458000260446372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878802538703346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31060318891065986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094798736838766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2783250040872403,0.0,0.0,0.10509040011343433,0.0,0.316401804982901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277914438500715,0.0,0.0 ptsd,plausiblewaffles,2019/01/13,"I saw my mother's body and I can't make sense of anything. My mother died on Wednesday night, I was called in to sign some papers at the nursing home she had been living in (She wasn't an old woman, she was just ill) and I... just walked into the room with her dead body, she was there, but not there... It's been creeping at the back of my mind since that night, and it isn't the first time I've thought about it, but tonight I went into a near catatonic state over it, losing my mother was a very traumatic thing, but that's to be expected when you lose a loved one... Not only did I lose her, I saw her body, I've never seen a dead body before. I'm going to be looking into therapy, but is there anything I can do in the mean time to calm these horrific memories? ",5.819629629629631,4.116072537037038,6.438364197530865,84.9701388888889,67.45679012345678,9.58148148148148,28.891975308641968,8.07648339933343,1.603145679012345,589,14,136,6,8,194,92,162,0.19,0.762,0.048,-0.9792,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,4,8,5,0,0,10,0,16,6,4,1,1,23,27,8,3,1,8,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,8,7,0,0,2,0,0,3,6,3,0,2,14,4,20,2,19,11,1,27,0,3,4,1,14,12,0,1,11,93,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21920406425100267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241302980617713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333282302556907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5917655169108457,0.0,0.0,0.13599941305338956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822768308493735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11328928968261676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07569357247521254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335980047546556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760707550594428,0.0,0.11184402519661728,0.4470085104454493,0.0,0.0,0.12020699324654552,0.0,0.0889037455741802,0.0,0.0,0.14508032268046844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448149086894956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10272247442065346,0.0,0.0,0.249975047707712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139757963328861,0.0,0.09025135286118964,0.10129515819562054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017414461223307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15231160806488392,0.0,0.08848391172297752,0.0,0.0,0.10573606335155712,0.1553255009083061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10989370414014693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346622337803916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Stigsonic,2019/01/13,"My friends can’t deal with my PTSD anymore and don’t want to be around me. I’ve been struggling with PTSD for roughly 10 months, I am now 0/4 on suicide attempts, I just want it to end I can’t deal with it anymore. One of my two best friends (they are married to each other) told me that he can’t be around me anymore because he is frustrated with dealing with my problems. On one hand, I get it. It isn’t his problem, he shouldn’t have to help me. But on the other hand, if has to leave because he can’t deal with it anymore, how the fuck does he think it feels like to be me?!?!? I don’t really know what to do anymore, I just feel empty now, and a part of me really wants to hate them but I can’t because that’s not who I am. How am I supposed to feel about this situation? I don’t even know what emotion I’m feeling but it’s awful.",2.7700819672131125,2.950981158469947,4.220887978142077,91.9628073770492,73.48087431693989,6.97431693989071,27.818306010928964,6.42735559955562,0.9403191256830596,644,23,156,4,12,215,89,183,0.13,0.767,0.10300000000000001,-0.7767,0,0,0,0,0,2,24.0,0,0,2,2,10,10,3,1,3,1,22,3,2,2,0,33,37,8,1,7,7,0,7,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,15,11,0,0,7,0,0,0,11,6,0,3,2,7,23,4,24,31,3,9,0,0,0,1,17,5,1,1,5,107,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5287511183698831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18985005349759854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19500550804821495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190363395054928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4397313587352766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331432225973248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994657121713392,0.0944442417042364,0.0,0.0,0.0704293854062018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21566523497016016,0.07617787351594726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16476713227889245,0.09857950287580768,0.055710783391322564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527695675783978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147313630469547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11720424230572493,0.0,0.0,0.1129078195362864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05209497578079987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851125907822269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451311353786536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11547199113353053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20406471590479602,0.24929404447112866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662229219215202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985875925363225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114748475850222,0.0,0.11663802652838633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832543640710231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189138062244953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416390332335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18868282866803304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,-Sapphire_Diamond-,2019/01/13,"Anyone else have ""smell or taste"" flashbacks So I know that sometimes if you smell something familiar it can trigger a memory. But have you ever just been sitting around and then all of a sudden you smelled an old odor that could no way be made? I'll be in my apartment alone then I'll smell or think I smell something. It's almost like an olfactory hallucination and then I have a memory. Same with taste. Like all of a sudden I'll taste a mint Oreo blizzard even though I haven't had one in 10 years. I think there might be something like olfactory flashbacks. I've never read anything about that though but I wouldn't put it past PTSD to do something like that. Anyone else experienced this too?",2.4628186274509787,5.10381003676471,3.0430588235294134,89.39409803921568,80.98529411764707,5.685490196078433,22.301960784313728,7.0316486544052195,0.7086672549019609,559,18,110,7,15,174,80,136,0.025,0.909,0.066,0.6159,0,1,4,0,0,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,10,4,0,0,7,0,14,3,0,2,4,24,18,13,0,3,6,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,4,3,0,3,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,3,11,10,4,8,9,3,17,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,5,14,71,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15099766009532298,0.15617633247291146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21087629619182607,0.3090110137190193,0.1240899981898155,0.13423796453481945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12039614176868114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519368257865938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959752095077956,0.13640112974316035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08287202785626446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29467986476574776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268422131397182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996781098472268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630105224980065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823215208849706,0.0,0.1021814102894508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439492218915451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17626924240440295,0.15158886789412498,0.0,0.0,0.15083405905271166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.464352050717065,0.14913838225574488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932444545633731,0.2963072094468753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969266479353605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09710591050259312 ptsd,lalanooneimportant,2019/01/13,"I was raised in a religious cult. I don’t believe my ptsd can be cured . . . . . . My title says a lot. I was raised in a very damaging religious cult from the age of 11 till I ran away at the age of 23. I ran straight into the arms of an abusive man and marriage... I was able to break the cycle after 5 years. I’ve spent many many hours with several therapist and have found them all very inadequate in dealing trauma from cults. I have found so much healing in publicly speaking out against the cult but there are still very clear triggers for me. I can’t go to church. I feel panic at the idea yet so much pressure to “conform”... will my kids resent me for not raising them in church... I struggle with nightmares and insomnia even 13 years later... I look like I have my shit together from the outside but on the inside... so far from it I struggle secretly with addiction. Addiction to numb the pain and quiet the voices. I am currently sober and have it under control but fear the relapse. I may delete this. Idk. I never trust the internet ",2.5706269349845208,4.703516769607845,3.694427244582045,87.69886996904025,77.38235294117645,6.8437564499484,26.423116615067077,7.85451343220497,1.6070627450980388,807,32,161,13,19,261,124,204,0.213,0.748,0.039,-0.9890000000000001,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,2,1,7,13,2,5,16,0,15,8,2,2,3,26,23,12,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,2,6,4,0,2,3,10,0,1,5,0,1,3,4,11,0,0,8,6,24,2,31,12,4,30,2,1,1,0,10,14,1,2,13,110,27,0,0.1407471589304488,0.16676236818683518,0.0,0.3068703565902525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322365889283104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585738505132351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1578599067143402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510414067028327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296217105549134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15837968383615628,0.07116599253418067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3086439901227117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998985393972444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386076001903411,0.0,0.0,0.15888641062941078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876195243981141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819216542379422,0.0,0.0,0.11965820135663414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853910560307085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069307127790934,0.0,0.1085528857542812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976490051454175,0.16513646533538842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452589690779562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11192778995880204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15900422750539636,0.14447493605108416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124008629323734,0.0,0.0,0.2942789799972081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1634182996045779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3483934390576256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127311154867934 ptsd,PucciSlayer3000,2019/05/04,"Apparently have almost all the symptoms of PTSD but still hard for me to believe On Tuesday I saw a therapist. Im well aware that I have anxiety, not being able to handle crowded places, but I kept explaining what I was going through further like always being on high alert, aware of my surroundings at all times, hard to concentrate, easily irritated by loud sounds, avoidance of people and relationships, isolation, guilt issues, unwanted thoughts, See heres the thing though, I wasn't shot at by a tank, or watched my friends die in war, I wasn't amputated or even shot at, I wasn't apart of gang wars, I was never raped or sexually assaulted, nothing that traumatic has happened in my life so I'm sitting here for almost a week now thinking how the fuck did I get PTSD? Maybe it was from unjustly going to jouvey at age 11 or getting jumped at age 16, or having to abandon my dog at age 17 because I was too fucking stupid at the time to know how to care for a dog. Maybe it was always moving and never holding friends, or being told by my mom that she only had kids to clean up after her. Maybe it was when my friend broke someone's skateboard and they all blamed it on me and i lost all the few friends i had in just 1 day. See but to me that is some pussy ass excuses to have PTSD. There has to be something that I'm just not remembering, something I completely blocked out of my head because there is no reason for me to have strong symptoms of PTSD. I start trauma therapy on Tuesday, I don't even know what that means but basically I'm going to lay on a couch and relive my past. In a months time i see a psychiatrist and start taking pills. Honestly I'm scared to death about taking prescription drugs I've heard too many bad things. I am however starting to accept that I have a problem. I can't keep self medicating with cannabis because every time I have to take a T break my symptoms magnify for a few days and it's unbearable. Life is feeling a lot more serious now and I'm finding it hard to laugh or smile. In fact I feel more angry then ever.",5.481021897810223,5.732906416058395,6.181697323600974,80.02431240875913,67.56447688564478,9.398384428223846,32.01177615571776,9.281916038205594,2.672989411192215,1631,64,325,29,25,535,217,411,0.217,0.6459999999999999,0.13699999999999998,-0.9906,2,2,3,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,1,2,21,28,7,3,16,0,31,14,2,3,8,59,68,25,4,2,15,1,5,1,4,0,9,3,2,2,17,10,0,6,12,0,0,5,10,17,1,0,18,13,37,11,55,46,10,57,0,3,5,4,16,24,3,11,27,211,54,0,0.08064885450083886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16151635615938792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421261517945934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061696152947519685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733842480329745,0.1474883794443219,0.0,0.0,0.0908636415460389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222688212799774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455878953546189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402367847954906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370077815983959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352706690426477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065356155606843,0.07295150613006604,0.0679501382735294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155696812513442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371159193657645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492364197168585,0.1491171328553951,0.08427139563594517,0.0,0.1375038076992241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131751568815961,0.0,0.21673659775002396,0.0,0.08276899191294748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852099427095068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711460227382171,0.08417645086866521,0.0,0.0716844074713739,0.0,0.0,0.08864500256780948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139293420078496,0.039400956578117034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803775161576333,0.06856477206628397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176528012560133,0.2430678428667092,0.08785024557326962,0.0,0.08124523621977786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09445496366610412,0.06437314622761643,0.08571696905684673,0.0,0.0,0.12440273687043853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738475100518903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613370880244566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698845722915182,0.0559117610730873,0.0,0.08426088771969907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717006189159231,0.3770967804158293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08292045447461176,0.0,0.0865866877426615,0.09135943059485227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074357266176108,0.0,0.19280008618433053,0.0,0.08413434410598178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06833351270313583,0.12417485668256838,0.0,0.0,0.1712510229392094,0.0,0.06440627938274228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25147511916371146,0.18191370513254693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922289937390732,0.09363953608539152,0.10715903067389,0.051676529506120464,0.07923709007047425,0.06402618190919987,0.18810798248138755,0.0,0.0,0.0770634366062832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469164641666107,0.0,0.07251300573431035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,onenonanon,2019/05/04,"Im unraveling myself I was diagnosed with ptsd and tbi after my Oef deployment. VA just wanted to medicate me. I thought eventually science would find a cure. I’m in college now doing a research paper on ptsd tbi in vets. I found out there is no cure, they don’t even know the long term effects yet. This cost me my career. Cost me wife, and now I fell like I’m losing my kids. My new friends think I’m just quirky funny and weird, but it’s just the personality of adapted to socialize. I know I’m not and never will be my old self. I feel like I’m unraveling my old else, pulling away at the string of who I used to be, and it’s scary to accept that I’m fucked. 33 yrs old and I will have to live the rest of my life this way. Thanks for hearing me out, I have a huge headache feel like screaming",0.7753529411764717,2.719217829411768,2.7476470588235284,93.17441176470592,82.47058823529412,5.882352941176473,21.176470588235293,7.048011613610866,0.3680588235294122,621,19,145,8,17,208,103,170,0.106,0.7659999999999999,0.128,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,2,8,10,1,0,7,0,11,4,0,2,1,28,29,7,0,2,5,1,2,3,1,3,3,2,0,3,6,9,0,0,10,0,2,2,4,4,0,0,3,4,22,6,18,21,2,22,0,1,0,1,9,8,1,0,14,83,28,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223622828628218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15365803038684325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12646722121624887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999190610857077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530950312972643,0.21630660930022635,0.0,0.0,0.13836804792923074,0.0,0.0,0.16599171754983338,0.11696381791199545,0.13995794992297847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062794035604856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16352756935614055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16640036718435205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693148961598746,0.22188505111717102,0.0,0.1336804629840788,0.13397570613062698,0.0,0.1693670905912765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525098623423113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676157986539748,0.14621375470617085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4765761540232265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13218822444091788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539344627872889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793316426767126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543234087187844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393799051199047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700483090463674,0.0,0.12018703672497676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307526651571625,0.0,0.0,0.08929395772166877,0.120166622478832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754336935240066,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Destructiveduck,2019/05/04,"False memories are causing a strain on my relationships and it’s starting to scare me I hope this fits in here, I’m just looking for a little comfort since I’m now heavily questioning my reality. Please forgive me if this becomes a ramble. I’m not totally sure how to explain what my mind is going through but the external events that have lead me to feel this way happened today. I know this is a small incident and may not be a big deal but it made start to question other times this has happened. Today I told-off my boyfriend for ignoring me. I asked why he hadn’t answered my texts and if he was mad at me. He said he wasn’t and hadn’t gotten any texts from me in the past two weeks only the messages I sent on insta (I only send him memes on there if we want to talk to each other we’ll call or text). Now I vividly remember texting him at least three times and never getting a message back. I not only remember typing and sending the text I remember checking my phone hours, even a day after sending a text and seeing it in the log and him not having answered. But during this conversation I opened my text app and the last message in the log was from him not me. I had never sent or even wrote those messages. I almost broke up with him over these memories. Since then I’ve been thinking and questioning so many things. How many arguments in my past had I started because of a false memory that I was utterly convinced was real? I already have very real feeling dreams that require a lot of mental energy for me to sort though and assure myself they aren’t real. Now I have to do that with waking memories? Between forgetting things because of dissociation, and my brain just making up its own memories I honestly feeling like I’m always going to be struggling to know what’s real. If you read all or even just some of this, thank you. I don’t have anyone in my life that I feel comfortable talking to about this so hopefully someone on the internet will understand.",4.747109027185754,5.795792450127884,5.7508724069337855,79.62478734488965,69.51150895140665,8.759344510751161,30.594013450790943,9.049649993220411,2.595766619304726,1572,63,296,29,27,520,198,391,0.066,0.816,0.11800000000000001,0.9678,1,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,2,2,1,2,18,17,1,3,18,0,27,3,2,6,6,82,62,28,0,7,18,0,4,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,25,17,0,2,18,2,1,8,12,6,0,2,16,8,48,11,41,41,7,51,0,1,3,0,38,20,0,17,23,214,73,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08723382511314079,0.0,0.09613438023093496,0.0,0.07248727050892992,0.0,0.0,0.05924168736522367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06091334769986417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814414527942878,0.0,0.0,0.06698662315227008,0.0,0.10620988738312956,0.0962124853605758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0972499715563157,0.08895490591752653,0.0,0.0,0.0894918573402421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618244239707691,0.0898124979088221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17261736477580933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17619333331579626,0.062235498742024685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045514376152046766,0.0,0.0990197599669154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407231413530093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305116336934606,0.08579145119317262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575305975232956,0.07101095149420095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06153242019749649,0.04256034790723131,0.08731285294756312,0.0,0.0,0.07315527703709156,0.0,0.0,0.0740626829081041,0.0,0.08243101516043443,0.058150429812239626,0.1766433645832121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779217139520122,0.0,0.0879620588009439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437805123640587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19876632696175775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16632365348883565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562691705216536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927686829006788,0.0,0.08713931010720971,0.3966271155689196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352969761422444,0.29605543786845434,0.0,0.0828670136224277,0.0,0.08721804855027178,0.0,0.06941996216327592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14412607302470848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381287986251367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849828975931507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910722814439378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210554959689212,0.0,0.0,0.1400406563810845,0.0,0.0802044647439654,0.0,0.0,0.1157516472433925,0.05582024563434845,0.08559076767260486,0.0,0.10159577169988886,0.0,0.165151061876276,0.08324281839167014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509941502748339,0.09069055280286294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187960516327849,0.05138311780149113,0.06914841581871978,0.06987898815923285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860840116935128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,That_Girl_From_TX,2019/05/04,"Is it worth getting diagnosed? I'm pretty sure I have fairly ""mild"" PTSD. I have repeatedly sprained my ankle. I have lost count how many times, at least 50 within a 2 year time period. I was a professional dancer, until I quit because I couldn't take the sprains. I could be walking normally on a flat surface, and it would just give out from under me. I was constantly on edge. I still get flashes between steps of my ankle spraining. Each step is a chance for it to give out. I think about it and my heart rate to just spikes through the roof. First day at a new job teaching gymnastics I sprained my ankle for the first time since reconstructive surgery. The fear, flashbacks to previous falls, and constantly watching every step is back. It's exhausting and awful to live every step this way again. So to my question, how beneficial is getting a diagnosis? I don't have money for counseling. Is there a point besides having someone acknowledge how fucked up my brain has become over walking? This whole thing makes me feel dramatic. I have spent years minimizing this. So thank you for reading at the very least. I think it helped to type it out.",3.365757575757573,6.011714296296301,3.863164983164985,84.8528787878788,77.33333333333334,7.075420875420876,26.94781144781145,8.150884317080207,1.952757407407408,912,37,169,17,22,286,133,216,0.076,0.852,0.07200000000000001,-0.4305,1,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,0,4,12,6,1,1,12,1,19,5,2,4,1,25,34,10,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,11,8,0,0,6,1,3,7,2,4,0,2,4,2,23,2,28,26,4,39,0,1,1,1,5,14,1,1,17,114,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513225637262304,0.0,0.08334563368188083,0.15100082973554865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262911400456827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954999747280186,0.0,0.10916292620192616,0.0,0.0,0.08817561865005656,0.0,0.0,0.13877190257469585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2303916018814225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385242349758746,0.06913172293816239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23259459601432164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639906253105745,0.2142978181500476,0.2623160883498805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201850559056627,0.0916431627419482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567739550372676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072972781613388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14925031159720242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912642794562398,0.13861659700079712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320488156205245,0.0,0.0,0.1339604140916324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292482991441531,0.0,0.0,0.13909738157130602,0.0,0.0,0.15982294795817736,0.0,0.1531620831153275,0.14542272047638907,0.13676092119914865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11309944094934984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158457352248907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918790053436113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288606782015859,0.0,0.10279937366465278,0.0,0.0,0.12587701772224394,0.0,0.0,0.09083329835781824,0.1752143367929792,0.0,0.0,0.23917445485603425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128115543428856,0.0,0.10852508512168567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264737595696784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971247512203158,0.0,0.0,0.17609144589254452 ptsd,damiwolf,2019/05/04,"*trigger* I’m working so hard in therapy and I’m so tired. I want to give up. I feel like such a failure and a burden. I can’t help but wonder how much it’s even worth it anymore, or if I’m just going spend most of my time suffering and needing to lean on my husband even with al the work I’m putting in. Suicide seems like a very real option right now. I don’t want to cause my family pain but I’m so tired of hurting.",-0.8726982591876187,1.066126797872343,1.927833655705996,96.46136363636364,89.53191489361704,4.69477756286267,20.24758220502901,6.1124844417494595,-0.02428510638297876,325,11,78,3,11,113,63,94,0.294,0.5920000000000001,0.114,-0.9734,0,0,0,0,0,1,9.0,0,0,0,2,9,6,0,0,4,0,2,3,0,3,0,21,15,11,1,4,5,1,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,0,2,2,2,4,0,0,0,2,7,2,10,15,2,9,0,2,0,0,3,5,0,6,4,43,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222950374712304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18876070492925207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24272879065210584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732220809313805,0.0,0.09290894945357496,0.13127022908357466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762686590001425,0.10442871702962983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16460289511335233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12316299396405203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967069651812874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17954083224487175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13507656149635666,0.13624745845871788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19552175240361014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18471836562300895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20914644123488105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692053056386074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727806966536746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099143958162694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101328461428387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107145443473095,0.4223845898727832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15161206107357847,0.2167596879970181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1992678107677408,0.26754273086490044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cursed_jelly,2019/09/24,"I got prescribed Prazosin for PTSD nightmares, I was wondering who else has been prescribed this I’m not looking for medical advice, I’m just asking how it affected people. I know it will affect each person differently, but I’d like to hear anyone’s experience . My first night taking this medication I actually had a lucid dream nightmare, and I’ve never had a lucid dream before. My psychiatrist says it might help my nightmares stop so that’s the end goal. Has anyone had luck with this? Thanks ahead of time!",6.962771929824562,7.892404242105265,7.353421052631577,70.54311403508774,64.47368421052633,9.701754385964913,31.62280701754386,9.725611199111238,3.109070175438596,413,15,68,8,6,135,70,95,0.040999999999999995,0.757,0.201,0.9505,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,3,0,9,2,0,3,1,15,19,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,1,8,3,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,3,7,3,6,11,1,7,0,0,1,0,6,0,0,3,8,42,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.18832594848815667,0.0,0.0,0.18858313596763854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2698798100299973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1804153329167492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421639323915033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162870730116264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16121456965698072,0.0,0.17092781648718144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887767888492472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16415331452660772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434808390118673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21750861378476366,0.0,0.12935407077871958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605974942913582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942829366776027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16205916285164307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3888250503095912,0.0,0.20472705192147106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884226655286642,0.0,0.0,0.1811037598749468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13379180321004952,0.1685074402047896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255896490659047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15346976574562618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16134446704204394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510103164454416,0.0,0.0,0.17767506241252987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11253136053741357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20928447473024397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rosewoods,2019/09/24,"Just need to vent. I had a melt don yesterday and to be honest my summer was emotionally draining. I felt like I’ve been dragging all this new weight because things keep changing around me. My reactions to certain situations have gotten the best of me and yesterday was the day I was finally fed up with myself lol. I realized that this PTSD really isn’t going anywhere and i need to stop fighting with old manners. Even in my awoken self I still tend to let my ego get the best of me feeling the need to control all my feelings because I’m just so afraid. I’ve told you a million times how frustrated I get but I’m coming to terms with this roller coaster.",3.9959541984732856,5.504913366412215,5.01212977099237,82.46063740458015,71.82442748091603,7.9880916030534355,29.893893129770994,8.548686976883017,2.3017322137404577,525,22,101,9,10,172,86,131,0.044000000000000004,0.847,0.109,0.7391,0,0,0,0,2,0,7.0,0,1,0,3,7,8,2,1,6,1,9,2,0,2,3,25,26,6,0,3,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,8,2,3,4,1,0,2,1,3,0,1,9,4,17,5,15,15,5,16,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,12,67,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15226920875881406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085388538099645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35900917560924744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18094637059768046,0.14734292358955234,0.0,0.0,0.1918451593268684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031197217512337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924062612160048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297575735797795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297427143524818,0.0,0.1642331460226538,0.18737499947006767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787313039959226,0.0,0.09721066351172084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520355457133164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17490842670845874,0.0,0.08356553602501161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3804903348989617,0.0,0.16519946780639855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794863672301151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994625337508012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957789027527258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844063124177936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226540207000384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659935512795926,0.1430039978404823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363685828833026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099739611368795,0.0,0.0,0.16344393505182547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20829069046490248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BPD_Queen_,2019/09/24,"Feeling like a completely different person after trauma Hi all. I recently had a pretty severe car accident, my car drove under a semi trailer completely and everyone said i’m lucky to be alive- if i didn’t duck i would’ve been decapitated. This has been pretty hard to deal with, nightmares and i get triggered driving down the same road and everything. Not sure if it’s PTSD but i don’t know where else to do. After the trauma, i feel like a different person. Not in a bad way, kinda a good way. I’ve always been shy and socially awkward and anxious but now i’m very outgoing and loud and can express myself clearly for once. I feel like i have a purpose in life and i am trying to pursue it. Problem is, that i don’t feel the same way towards my significant other as i did before the accident. I don’t want to be intimate or even around him. Every little thing annoys me and i just don’t feel love anymore. Has anyone else gone through this after trauma/near death experience/concussion? I love being around my friends and being social but when it comes to me S.O i feel so irritated and annoying constantly and out of love. I’m sorry if this wasn’t the right place to go. i don’t know where to go.",2.6918370426254263,4.773709253112036,4.595135797812149,81.6289994341758,76.80082987551867,7.535345152772539,25.062429271972842,8.438071523408619,1.856019087136929,954,34,181,19,22,325,135,241,0.17,0.624,0.20600000000000002,0.8937,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,9,17,2,1,12,0,23,4,0,1,3,45,45,22,1,5,10,0,7,3,1,0,1,2,0,2,9,17,0,0,8,0,0,8,9,7,0,0,10,9,23,10,24,31,3,32,0,0,0,3,13,14,0,6,10,122,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966342326190206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173605112436835,0.10686714140270603,0.07534701249979453,0.11041097142602233,0.0,0.19185522079828846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997356436061581,0.0,0.0,0.09169425925330348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09282411516012624,0.2259647657262126,0.1164482915304025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109393356472637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251686886492102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003623455557302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117324982984805,0.0,0.09079089920984852,0.10296754183959064,0.09684608788286714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3269145874186299,0.2309473577819827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325368879621507,0.0,0.056299192186021724,0.0,0.12248289371182375,0.09038243388697287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653014745506673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11844213563176785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07611277673667761,0.1579355849014802,0.10800198759142292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29176784558667795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475892587797833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18818054158267614,0.1125843443246051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21925758139559334,0.0,0.1031100081505899,0.12596352506772324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10639818511327846,0.0,0.0,0.09202488172292199,0.10250268860602492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173605112436835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21969175207860805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12062644027218747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10156079259116677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715897347712113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316071869011079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891176914792874,0.06355855597271662,0.25660024023169986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654830668145407,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jazzyjbox,2019/09/24,"Setting Boundaries When No Hasn't Worked? In group today, we talked about setting boundaries and limits. The therapist used the example of being in an argument with someone and they lock the door. (This should have tipped me off since that was how my first assault started.) The therapist continued to say that setting boundaries was to emphatically and sternly say no without any passivity. ""Say it often enough, and the other party will stop."" Which got me thinking... Saying no in the past didn't work for me. It got me hurt. Being firm about my boundaries just prompted others to violate them. So how do I set boundaries when I've learned that setting them doesn't work?",5.050909090909091,7.701506818181818,4.790909090909093,80.30636363636367,71.72727272727272,7.044628099173554,31.66115702479339,8.00094639256281,2.5451090909090905,539,25,88,8,11,165,79,121,0.152,0.8270000000000001,0.021,-0.9447,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,3,5,9,3,2,0,7,0,11,0,0,3,0,17,16,9,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,9,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,5,4,11,0,13,7,1,17,0,1,0,0,10,4,0,1,8,67,20,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769791838557472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788342350615355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721873662819318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27685008954518425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852819151917764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16522105180119456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5505493468432799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317062472846964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14664711111794249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225043993622332,0.0,0.0,0.14469965878166133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391122913480586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4019101875533126,0.0,0.11090039813401713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16405623359586716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14948247925166006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16683951778358527,0.0,0.3780051422526016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,soft-n-sapphic,2019/09/24,"PTSD from my dad's funeral When I was 16 my dad died and the funeral was the most traumatic part of the whole experience. His body was cold in the casket and now when I touch cold things I get flashbacks, or if my body is cold I will think of my dad lying dead. I have nightmares about his sunken eyes and the layers upon layers of cosmetic makeup the funeral directors put on him. I will smell formaldehyde out of nowhere, I don't know if it's a hallucination or not. I can't cope and I feel so alone",3.0042307692307686,4.311914807692311,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,74.0,8.276923076923078,24.538461538461537,8.841846274778883,1.5481192307692306,396,12,87,8,8,132,65,104,0.237,0.763,0.0,-0.9761,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,0,9,3,3,0,0,14,13,11,6,2,5,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,7,16,0,10,8,3,8,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,5,3,60,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27179368651989794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5829911673578433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27235624929121544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567025057539088,0.0,0.0,0.1326902236183905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710649854480467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14422219809996215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841812557742828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067613796185918,0.26381012146938626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743438490875729,0.16815167149099258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29298871183361525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,levissy,2019/09/24,"Can self-studying in general help me with treating PTSD? I am a college student. I have PtSd and I find it really hard being attentive in class and really understand the lectures. Can self-studying somehow help with PTSD and curing it??",3.572093023255814,6.602810860465118,4.777953488372091,76.12460465116278,79.93023255813951,8.091162790697675,31.85581395348837,8.841846274778883,3.6238502325581408,189,10,29,5,5,62,29,43,0.040999999999999995,0.8170000000000001,0.14300000000000002,0.6425,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,10,6,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,4,5,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,21,6,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913645216602848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875584480226564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806786598232504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.734242842014588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682613626397876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4368465825265635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179662633178229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ConfusionIn20s,2019/09/24,How am I supposed to know if I was sexually abused? Ive recently been through something traumatic. Brought lots up. Having a difficult time with physical & mental health. I have a weird feeling. Idk maybe I’m losing it.,2.3200813008130083,5.253097146341467,3.76768292682927,80.22111788617889,89.73170731707317,7.611382113821138,31.22357723577236,8.344100000000001,3.398021138211382,177,10,30,5,6,58,36,41,0.348,0.618,0.034,-0.9136,0,0,1,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,6,1,0,1,0,6,10,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,3,1,4,0,4,7,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,19,5,0,0.0,0.3714929257360113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33971981537735807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853494446546842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3332777267866559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17231305775941408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507703950107986,0.0,0.26655999068376146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149924758612929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31597397596639515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30958233772346466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241377952868157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18282734904050196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ladyintweed,2019/09/24,"Episodes When I come across a relatively large trigger, I like to call what happens next a “ptsd episode” where I’m screaming, yelling, throwing myself into walls, and feel 1000% out of control. Like a small child throwing a temper tantrum, but it’s me, a grown adult woman, absolutely knee deep in tears and trauma without any idea of what I need to contain it. What do you call it? What are your experiences? It doesn’t feel like there are enough words in the English language to describe what an “episode” feels like to me.",8.315408163265309,7.589009928571433,6.8642040816326535,80.7593673469388,61.95918367346939,9.064489795918368,38.98775510204082,7.554174236665415,2.87303836734694,415,19,79,3,5,123,69,98,0.11199999999999999,0.787,0.10099999999999999,0.1556,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,2,0,1,3,8,2,0,7,0,4,1,1,2,0,16,11,4,0,1,2,0,3,4,0,0,0,2,0,3,9,5,0,2,4,0,0,4,2,4,0,0,0,5,8,4,12,11,1,15,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,6,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14225602609187127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42721171458840096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019822207122027,0.0,0.0,0.23462379991843005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21614866225324544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046274607860088,0.0,0.0,0.3173174735916519,0.2988900258125745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849855744700867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361494707122234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40879767148052815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511135563607914,0.0,0.0,0.22247539500259986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24453131843887166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20165120267654454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sweetwill_petal,2019/09/24,"Need advice about starting career I (F22) was diagnosed with PTSD this year after battling symptoms for months and being misdiagnosed. I also have another health condition that is manageable provided I take regular medication, am conscious of my diet and make sure I get enough rest overall. I also graduated with uni and somehow managed to do well getting first-class honours. Prior to getting diagnosed, I felt I was an ambitious person but now I feel my priority is just getting by alive. People around me expect me to land a prestigious, high-paying job and part of me wants that for myself but truth be told, I also know I need to prioritize healing. I never thought my priority choosing a job would be whether I would be able to get paid medical leave, whether they would let me take half the day off to go for therapy etc. Has anyone been in a similar position? How do you negotiate your different priorities while job hunting? Thanks for any help",6.105753668297022,8.044346734104046,6.993063583815026,68.6282703423744,67.20809248554913,10.409782125389064,35.85104490884838,10.560738912317856,4.4475028012449975,767,39,121,22,13,255,121,173,0.017,0.857,0.126,0.9559,4,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,1,2,10,6,1,0,5,0,18,8,0,2,3,31,38,13,0,7,5,0,2,0,0,3,7,0,0,1,3,7,1,0,6,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,7,2,23,5,20,23,4,14,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,9,92,26,8,0.12142027060519815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865048316999675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912992396051244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08256994769002814,0.12731974055797154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489987636906485,0.0,0.0,0.10808978343088747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830602969198774,0.0,0.0,0.2464780375753177,0.0,0.12685833979518785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254595972194099,0.13541569772381346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139373708891512,0.0,0.11658250102212085,0.0,0.0,0.10328002014920756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171853997717893,0.0,0.06900593791616824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12906406978549784,0.0,0.0,0.08138544795720648,0.12828718232983868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614726493616581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06672940531021403,0.0,0.0,0.1285665348678482,0.0,0.12416045316883678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104897347282287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24463629714879745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096916501580117,0.0,0.0,0.18006318428618398,0.09364679801297608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13148632074643635,0.0,0.0841775273998074,0.10601949689429584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419337987062257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594189248106232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11443716809552082,0.12620215215007466,0.182585865111974,0.0,0.0,0.11178747184543376,0.13885466131855495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639413208468857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11602227191465085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161682149368093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091714052623608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25876042956053896,0.0,0.0,0.07819067334980248 ptsd,gcracker121,2019/09/24,"I hate that my own body is a trigger right now. Last night I was in such a bad place that I slept in my clothes and shoes because I didn't feel safe. I just want to be able to shower and put on clean clothes but it's going to make me have a panic attack and/or flashbacks and I can't deal with that. Anyone have any tips on how to deal with this? I have an audition tomorrow and need to shower before then, I don't know how that's going to happen.",2.343367346938777,3.025288234693882,3.596530612244898,94.2127551020408,74.81632653061223,6.416326530612245,21.142857142857142,6.1826913282559595,-0.01573061224489747,349,7,84,2,7,114,64,98,0.16,0.807,0.032,-0.917,2,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,1,4,0,9,3,3,4,0,17,19,8,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,6,6,0,1,2,0,1,3,3,4,0,0,3,1,11,1,12,15,1,14,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,5,54,17,0,0.21705030351277715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760164936074094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176661888705986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469260546449768,0.0,0.0,0.1812279372359344,0.1323118504333075,0.0,0.1846938217791358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410939567143574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4475386645496569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097471550879758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467093788250371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193686657671352,0.0,0.0,0.21429223865573652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192851704548006,0.17692496668102053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488276301800718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609400498203147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20368700645594506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546617650718284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267713703686454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21819550472643676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18535977325720174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280218925912882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pentalith,2019/06/25,"Possible to prevent a PTSD attack with known trigger? So I have a limited form of PTSD that (so far) is only triggered when I'm in an operating room. The initial trauma was two years ago when I had a near-death experience in an OR - I was in septic shock and having a fever-induced psychotic episode while simultaneously giving birth. Then this past January I had to have a surgery. It didn't go well. I started sobbing uncontrollably the instant I was rolled into the OR and then when I woke up I was apparently screaming that I was being assaulted, disturbing all of the other post-op patients, so they had to re-sedate me (I don't have a memory of this). My system was so amped that for three days afterwards I couldn't even pee, so I ended up in the ER to get a catheter. So, fast forward to now. I have to go in for another surgery in July. I absolutely can't have a repeat of that past experience. It's just too risky, given the type of surgery (I'll be under light sedation, not general anesthesia, so I can't be thrashing around in a panic). I'm in therapy now, so I plan to talk with my counselor about how to prevent another attack, but I'm hoping y'all have some brainstorms for me as well. Does visualization help? Should I try desensitization? I've gone through about 3 EMDR sessions targeting this trauma, but I have no idea if they ""worked"" because my PTSD doesn't effect my daily life. Thanks so much.",4.052857142857143,5.491600430107528,5.705407066052227,77.82096774193552,71.58064516129029,8.755145929339479,29.77316948284691,9.23628265651192,2.6294180235535083,1116,46,215,24,21,381,158,279,0.11599999999999999,0.8270000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.8425,1,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,1,2,4,23,15,3,3,17,0,28,2,1,4,1,28,41,24,0,4,7,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,10,6,0,3,3,0,0,4,8,11,3,2,13,2,27,4,35,23,4,39,0,1,0,0,6,16,1,5,20,155,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204668245608698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724719511399875,0.0,0.0,0.285005228118955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209794853847577,0.0,0.3092109023182755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284315464138893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764402031314579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892668427562672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036673731120875,0.0,0.0,0.08976042561415275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26587183550168275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100194896862816,0.13036731087220518,0.15446978599838662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109065907201416,0.0,0.0,0.13497899904709007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341414341418294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09598992951554187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09990186675289696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10335779444334048,0.0,0.15944893761219509,0.0,0.0,0.2594631533087384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320641643044294,0.1301542818762487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4765781940111521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619045940636066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10923097687515827,0.0,0.12511812298126115,0.15541307361703233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226692983053383,0.0,0.13275419403435604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443801811447999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893655106956648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751490773219253 ptsd,alyoshas88,2019/06/25,"PTSD ""attack""? What do you do? So does anyone else get these ""attacks""? Feels like hypertension, sometimes it's like someone is flooding your brain and you have no control, like a floodlight. Super anxiety What do you do? Meditate? New here. Bear with me.",1.3394545454545472,2.8380941777777795,2.0010101010101025,88.00272727272728,118.33333333333331,4.303030303030304,24.09090909090909,6.1124844417494595,1.2950000000000008,198,9,33,3,11,61,37,45,0.073,0.695,0.23199999999999998,0.8577,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,4,0,2,2,6,2,0,1,0,6,1,1,1,0,4,8,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,8,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,21,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780935912679496,0.0,0.0,0.16278120973668564,0.2385340957875345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5296938442112639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25988504350140385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611082626107044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20372739803467396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19447696122970887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771214777918182,0.16631444759381278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162991347883592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3412072319496952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2248425041032586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2721341472334717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19725315274693744,0.0,0.2302480337541457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mcgirl76,2019/06/25,Animals My ptsd was really bad a month ago ever since then my pit bull wants to sit in my lap. He’s definitely been a wonderful companion even when I can’t stand to be around humans. I would recommend a pet for anyone suffering from ptsd! 🐕🐶💕,0.6441176470588239,2.969540372549023,3.689705882352944,83.74867647058825,86.45098039215686,8.890196078431373,20.264705882352946,9.2995712137729,2.0991411764705883,193,6,41,7,6,69,44,51,0.13,0.6970000000000001,0.17300000000000001,0.318,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,5,0,0,0,1,5,7,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,6,3,0,9,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,5,23,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435706570631221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212843664401136,0.0,0.0,0.24460720081016676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294248927247327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181485698861911,0.24854890082279596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932206182080494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6423924278483213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760273218032763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22729597153580516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16206888089188987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29798078588624743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519163404778933,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,a-forest-of-bubbles,2019/06/25,"I want to make a GP appointment but I'm scared (suicide tw) Things got very overwhelming for me today. I talked about my trauma on another subreddit and someone downvoted it and nobody commented. I don't expect anyone to comment, but the downvote really knocked my confidence and I ended up getting myself into a state. I've never been diagnosed with PTSD but I need to know if I have it or not, which is why I want to make a doctor's appointment. But I'm scared. I don't know what to say. My trauma occurred when I was 14 and my close friend told me that she'd attempted suicide. I'm 19 now and I have been so, so ill ever since. Especially anger. At times I felt so angry at suicide I literally saw red, started shaking, and thought I was going to have a heart attack. I have a lot of triggers that send the memories and emotions flooding back. Sometimes I am a danger to myself and gave gotten incredibly suicidal over it in the past. There's a disconnect between current me and 14 year old me. Current me understands suicide and normally feels sympathy for those who die: but 14 year old me is still trapped in there somewhere and starts shrieking in my head whenever I hear about suicide. I also feel...I feel as though my trauma is harking other people. I want to talk about how angry suicide makes the 14 year old me in my head and let all her feelings out and show her she doesn't have to be ashamed of having extreme emotions over the event that traumatized her. But I don't want to hurt anyone who has attempted suicide in the past. I'm afraid that if I talk about being traumatized, they will feel guilty. It's exhausting. It's just exhausting. I also feel like if I do get a PTSD diagnosis, I'll be betraying my friend. I'm afraid it'll ruin our friendship. I don't want to lose her but I don't want to act like everything's okay either. I feel ashamed of myself for being so messed up. Everyone else dealt with her suicide attempt just fine. It's just me who couldn't. Thank you for reading.",3.239272834762044,5.161496427135681,4.510972509606859,83.5706148389004,74.678391959799,7.697428318060893,28.03754064439846,8.4952907291091,2.1448617203665385,1590,65,306,30,34,524,193,398,0.314,0.5920000000000001,0.094,-0.9991,2,1,0,0,0,8,40.0,1,1,1,4,22,27,3,8,14,1,31,8,3,5,3,64,69,34,10,13,16,0,7,2,2,2,5,2,0,0,19,18,0,0,11,2,0,4,9,20,0,0,11,11,54,7,41,49,3,42,0,4,2,0,25,15,0,5,24,204,73,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916799240827374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157197091982137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545183576330636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765062365655416,0.0,0.05248436010259895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927801949801714,0.0708385593992084,0.0,0.0,0.06986252129239308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057018813759502136,0.15355677545050933,0.060454221695582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06174111775147088,0.0,0.06522117179264926,0.061343751850409314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241584653128506,0.048761829950978434,0.0655361009718367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546824838857956,0.0,0.07132149063191617,0.0,0.03879124289907112,0.0,0.05459025613394178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009991971260222,0.0,0.07692904659218497,0.08088324063512213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730690549815088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750230095573437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697959978919816,0.0,0.06669249830902464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636058183724803,0.0,0.058028488927969,0.0,0.0,0.1366834729726063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05061067880354828,0.052642943464586416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687601745898958,0.0,0.0,0.2148683801789644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031542884979885,0.047319854067863695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957433888920589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827409287915191,0.0,0.0437262991988873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427961014555467,0.1366715696999064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564617558016576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05783276697062102,0.0,0.06750655538890461,0.0,0.09662336103564872,0.0,0.05450902784946274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6719451485848876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645838503114651,0.0,0.06284060624894823,0.0,0.0,0.04534600230990552,0.0,0.06706080200184933,0.05418733959220898,0.039800402049507536,0.0,0.06469834867730104,0.06522117179264926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07105650960176696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563180364062626,0.2415536055690545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061590082316636076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186314803976235 ptsd,Pinniepie,2019/06/25,"Will be starting Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PE) soon. What should I expect? My doctor warned me of the risks associated with the therapy, and that many people drop out by session 8 because of the pain/stress associated, and then that stress becomes the patient's new baseline. I need to confront my past to move forward in my future, so I need to complete the therapy. Any tips or advice as well as expectations?",6.7940000000000005,8.098055066666667,7.409333333333333,68.65800000000002,65.0,9.733333333333334,37.66666666666667,9.888512548439397,4.068066666666667,330,17,53,7,5,109,56,75,0.146,0.826,0.027999999999999997,-0.7941,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,2,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,6,7,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,7,1,11,3,0,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,7,36,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17467210997431493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155590603724653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089641404993891,0.1974149682469287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741562945056275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829578627962348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18122411077697148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18998261208134007,0.0,0.2650812326056753,0.0,0.17263754635272285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19020225299862945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17063678715478905,0.1239225153620204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12651993733008984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4095142889690072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6132474817872641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16071742142605644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,huynhing_at_life,2019/06/25,"Can’t handle the nightmares anymore I’m new here and newly diagnosed with ptsd. A little background: I gave birth to my boy/girl twins in December at 26 weeks, 14 weeks early. They spent 96 days in the NICU, working their way from the highest level down. They had issues learning to breathe, keeping their heart rate up, learning to eat, etc but a lot of that is pretty normal for their birth age. We were pretty lucky that it wasn’t worse. Now, every night I have nightmares. Things have gotten a little better, some nights the feeling associated with the nightmares are more hazy than others. But some nights...some nights I feel it all over again. And what’s worse, in a lot of my dreams either my babies or my husband don’t survive and I feel that grief just as intensely as if they actually passed away. The nightmares aren’t always the same, but I hear the alarms from the NICU over and over again. I’m just tired. I’m tired of feeling like this so often. The grief is physically painful. I’m tired of feeling guilty for giving birth so early. I’m tired of trying to just be ok or faking being ok all day everyday. I successfully shoved all these feelings into a box while they were still in the NICU but now that I’m in therapy they’re just rushing out. Does anyone have anything that helped them sleep? Or helped them go back to sleep after a nightmare? I’m just so exhausted and I need sleep.",3.672584806497852,5.635119153846159,3.90799490364708,88.18519350215004,73.57875457875458,6.213027552157987,23.591176939003027,6.895973343053719,0.7394447842013063,1111,32,217,10,23,344,150,273,0.16399999999999998,0.705,0.131,-0.9344,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,9,4,16,12,0,1,17,2,15,13,5,0,3,45,36,19,2,3,14,1,6,1,0,0,7,1,0,0,12,10,1,1,8,1,1,3,4,6,0,0,7,7,21,6,34,27,11,44,0,2,0,0,16,17,0,10,24,140,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.1001948188656857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08543282742761987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10182482128160894,0.07179190891785621,0.0,0.08449178981744172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09646541581924684,0.07894981526476265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080663325351886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13243221525854973,0.0,0.0,0.10421174671054503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985053512893833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506093092728801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145084286669032,0.0,0.0,0.08650710559574584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31148975261548456,0.07335018392290323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849406562147732,0.05835188720573821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572083578945205,0.12166894849580198,0.13764016902883625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10716477271404536,0.0,0.09126119187178096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016123289633342,0.2058122438797959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457918785713142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07613132243878712,0.0,0.09916299677066473,0.0,0.28905722066822986,0.10059852523130634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925216326546087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20891233495349013,0.0,0.0,0.12002017888444813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082438522613184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08199543007791732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741643951125665,0.0,0.06821191109816467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4720337211210878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697087711683281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149768413208798,0.16471745988804962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474774993986721,0.0,0.20926674969828452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fireflynightlight,2019/06/25,"Tell me your recent successes, no matter how small So many times we focus on what's going wrong instead of what's going right. A little glimmer of joy or progress can go a long way so tell me what you did right recently however small. Let us celebrate the small or big things with you.",6.827368421052633,6.05821945614035,6.93228070175439,79.20263157894739,64.96491228070175,10.40701754385965,31.280701754385966,9.725611199111238,2.670922807017543,227,7,45,4,3,73,43,57,0.08,0.6970000000000001,0.223,0.8568,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,2,3,0,2,4,3,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,1,0,6,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,0,1,0,7,2,4,4,0,16,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,2,4,28,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747900747360221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22478309803299626,0.0,0.0,0.22031959878557755,0.0,0.1945357340326579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228652134209868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43409581579835216,0.0,0.0,0.3754539239812018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842685924696319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604010531387465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12818009550480142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2644190466330659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448463445568607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2403410729108073,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CrazySalart,2019/06/25,"Having trouble sleeping. Around a month ago I was playing the piano at my grandmas when I suddenly hear a loud noise coming from the kitchen, my grandma had fallen down and is now crying on the floor. I suddenly rush to call my father since only me and my grandma were home that time, and I did help her in what I coukd, I think the adrenaline took over that time ( she's fine now, only got a couple of stitches in her eyebrow ). But I can't sleep properly anymore, I will wake up multiples times at night felling dizzy, like I'm going to faint, and SO scared that something's going wrong again, even during naps I feel like this. Have any of you had any success in getting over problems similar to mine? I'm 17, male, and have been taking anxiety meds and going to therapy for around 4 months now.",5.229999999999997,5.796608592356693,5.5648471337579615,83.12879936305734,68.171974522293,8.318216560509553,30.349681528662423,8.238735603445708,2.0950718471337573,627,23,122,8,10,200,108,157,0.133,0.775,0.092,-0.7668,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,1,9,9,0,1,7,0,12,5,3,0,0,13,25,9,0,1,1,1,1,2,0,1,1,2,2,1,5,9,1,0,2,2,0,8,1,4,0,0,8,3,19,5,20,16,0,35,0,0,0,0,9,13,0,0,16,77,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638660835608965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20925862052918348,0.0,0.11770161736611252,0.0,0.15258665974795252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739340354066537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15710711265570834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325357962272985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1702419174740929,0.16900674826970216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162233510129287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779566956119849,0.10991681022194202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803849112965565,0.0,0.2623246310667777,0.0,0.12305499669462845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341013295294633,0.0,0.10312835993676814,0.0,0.15433299535879447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15033534810383298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090252384872076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456173704179176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14438613042364445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340332134208505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14722216318106068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403957362287324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272736503836625,0.0,0.30793997778019144,0.0,0.0,0.1184480779553298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568272516319378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1759510311829645,0.0,0.0,0.09858655381498208,0.0,0.0,0.2691490399292284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709428700511274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682205253859179,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HemmsFox,2019/06/25,How do you allow yourself to feel your panic attack without losing control? I see over and over that supressing it doesnt work and that you just have to accept the feelings but how do you do that without losing self-control?,5.562480620155039,6.88503765116279,5.641860465116278,80.14248062015506,67.83720930232559,6.663565891472868,30.6124031007752,6.42735559955562,1.8015333333333337,181,7,30,1,3,57,30,43,0.091,0.736,0.17300000000000001,0.4172,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,4,0,4,3,5,1,1,1,0,5,0,0,4,0,13,8,5,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,3,5,1,6,8,0,2,0,2,1,0,4,2,0,0,0,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563025280750716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5053689676765181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22782912348830475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5040889370504914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26433198507874583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17952880321417353,0.0,0.23502901485399785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43434749655748206,0.0,0.1640154856639386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BrokenAndDestroyed,2019/06/25,"I'm falling apart Something happened to me without consent. I hesitate to call it assault, but I was told that I could press charges if I wanted to. I'm hurting a lot tonight. I can't stop crying, and I just feel empty and unable to do anything. And somehow, I feel guilty because I was hard on him about it tonight, and he may or may not be feeling guilty right now.",4.093599999999999,4.726940493333338,4.734666666666667,87.83400000000002,70.73333333333333,6.533333333333332,35.0,5.6839178017228535,1.9126000000000003,287,15,59,1,5,92,53,75,0.29600000000000004,0.617,0.087,-0.9315,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,0,8,0,0,0,0,20,16,7,0,3,6,0,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,5,10,0,7,9,1,8,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,6,4,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22071616480746445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16349994720729755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2738751123778313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414598320930636,0.0,0.2946190111482183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068491371922821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371795681917764,0.0,0.2402658597479251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871271983104589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280248109448477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22905214493379936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648320825578734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22423779233636645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25628868926917964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15819877517777306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585474316750533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,1nighthalfthebottle,2019/06/25,"ptsd from suicide attempt idk if this is the right sub,sorry. i’ve been thinking about it a lot and i’m just having a really hard time dealing with a suicide attempt that left me panicked and black out for over 2 days from an overdose suicide attempt. i don’t know what it is, but i feel sadder and more on edge ever since i attempted to kill myself, everything has gone completely down hill since. idk if i pissed anyone off from this but if this is stupid pls send me to the right sub thank you",4.157949080622348,5.08583297029703,4.641103253182461,87.48702970297029,70.78217821782178,7.355586987270155,27.299858557284303,7.447530270364453,1.3507244695898164,394,13,81,4,7,125,71,101,0.308,0.652,0.04,-0.9852,0,0,0,0,0,4,6.0,0,1,0,4,3,4,3,0,6,0,7,1,1,0,1,16,13,8,4,3,6,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,2,3,8,1,13,11,2,13,0,0,1,0,3,8,1,4,3,53,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717099728770911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069213002548954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729411532099185,0.1875047975403044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16451605053636442,0.0,0.0,0.16345722505601562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196129731540563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16292397950381812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012173741577186,0.0,0.09995356159090647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976073599119593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546233395943853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126017551761777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651357006086847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31063994697916864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30089721110097906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20359380152892184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5968241049519101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.167445759485646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165379440503286,0.0,0.0,0.10605258202971901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,boxofmixedbiscuits,2019/06/25,"I need noise but noise is driving me nuts About a month ago I had a home invasion. So far I have been diagnosed with acute stress disorder by my psychiatrist and psychologist, and I have an appointment next week to discuss what PTSD symptoms might look like. I’m taking my regular anxiety medication (lexapro), a relaxer akin to Benadryl (hydroxysine hct), and something to help me sleep (trazodone at a low dosage). At this rate, even with all these meds and therapy, it’s feeling like it’s heading toward PTSD. To fall asleep, I have to keep the lights on and listen to something. Jeopardy! was too alarming (Daily Doubles were too loud), and recently I’ve settled on How It’s Made (highly recommended, educational and relaxing). I need veeeeery consistent, normalized programming. Music hasn’t helped, podcasts have. It has to be human voices so I don’t feel alone. This is my first week home alone since the incident, however, and I’m struggling with being in any and all silence whatsoever. However, I used to be someone who really enjoyed silence and being in the dark. Now that I can’t be exposed to either without feeling freaked out, I am beginning to get kind of overwhelmed. I feel like I need noise to function but I get irritated by it. I try changing what I’m listening to, adjusting the volume, even changing the type of speaker in case it’s a certain frequency. It’s exhausting. I would appreciate any advice with this. Been a long, frustrating, and scary month. I’m making very non-linear progress (last night I slept through the night for the first time, today I nearly had a panic attack, of which I have never had.) It’s still progress. I’ve really just been told that time will heal this, so I’m just trying to pass the time. Anyways, sending love to anybody else who needs it and reads this. Thanks.",3.8577816743098623,6.496301649851635,4.674626382519559,79.73675928423701,75.52818991097922,8.001762431436022,30.39016275514792,8.841846274778883,2.8991432245301687,1444,68,252,33,33,465,191,337,0.153,0.7,0.146,-0.191,2,2,2,0,0,0,58.0,0,0,0,4,14,20,2,5,16,0,28,10,4,4,4,44,56,18,0,6,6,0,4,3,0,3,5,5,2,1,22,17,0,1,5,3,0,4,5,10,0,2,11,11,23,10,37,37,4,38,0,2,1,1,11,13,0,1,24,160,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741785742287097,0.08837093278238405,0.0,0.0,0.20650166922176094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13558794160081628,0.0,0.07626409837453954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11341402898248415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210921810407536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118526988204088,0.0,0.0,0.11425565579127984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08327986423997269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13169123644424555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20162905928722052,0.14243995308420024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695959090720493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416989876834516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10231274139539782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13364287702111075,0.10533005937687004,0.1999983858143512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886108199966335,0.0,0.10381386506206472,0.0,0.08126227638365785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611340991133615,0.0,0.0,0.08822427274601609,0.08371616231612762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08997591190473199,0.09433097002086704,0.06654517648051249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110735325332993,0.10042919033863257,0.0,0.10575744566106396,0.0,0.0,0.1591463882928838,0.0,0.0,0.2956813852796061,0.0768886073886921,0.0,0.1060235608077158,0.1871083558741008,0.09767698216918018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11696706872878583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330691994914013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971896662153053,0.0,0.12773048125340575,0.0,0.09843381176557747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246624312013033,0.0,0.09976398491548484,0.0,0.08446869838874299,0.15349552659692148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961415083630433,0.0,0.11419683606409012,0.104219711887566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361814748786732,0.07495596857125855,0.0,0.0,0.09178298901909113,0.11400647715400615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17439360068203535,0.0,0.094496348470563,0.0952599672692874,0.0,0.1353686325478119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610186970648838,0.0,0.08225633114638023,0.0,0.0,0.15993379977931058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609951944877232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07081832836559905,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Grady_H,2019/06/25,"NightWare treatment for Nightmare Disorder clinical trial. Hello PTSD group, &#x200B; NightWare is a non-invasive treatment for Nightmare Disorder. It's a smart watch application that after a learning period can detect a nightmare and then intervenes to arouse a sleeper from the nightmare without waking them. &#x200B; Please excuse us reaching out on the forum but we believe this will help people with PTSD: NightWare has launched a virtual randomized clinical trial in which anyone in the US can enroll to be candidates for the trial. To apply for trial please visit this site and fill out all required measures: [https://redcap.ciems.org/surveys/index.php?s=9RYLFH99JX](https://redcap.ciems.org/surveys/index.php?s=9RYLFH99JX) &#x200B; If anyone has questions please email me at [grady@nightware.com](mailto:grady@nightware.com) I'm the CEO. &#x200B; &#x200B; Kind Regards, &#x200B; Grady Hannah",14.321451612903225,18.704448241935488,9.32503225806452,50.29254838709682,50.45161290322582,9.153548387096777,42.23870967741936,9.642632912329526,5.251021935483871,778,37,70,13,10,211,83,124,0.027999999999999997,0.8009999999999999,0.171,0.9478,0,0,0,0,0,0,67.0,3,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,11,0,7,4,2,1,1,15,8,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,17,6,1,12,0,0,1,1,11,7,0,3,3,51,10,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4801142544031728,0.5384324828596808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327862770010947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08320636247876488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692824928075015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049501705651727235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690590782565518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119995390363272,0.0,0.0,0.2432032667044302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726590023632095,0.0,0.08273158769879382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776706832266245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07119107626325814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5384324828596808,0.0 ptsd,M_A_P_,2019/06/25,"May I have PTSD? For some reason I can't get over my mother's abuse and the abuse I experienced as a child. I don't like talking about this topic, but I'l keep things short. Yes I do remember the abuse. No I do not have nightmares, panic attacks, or daydream about those events. It's just when I talk about it or somebody talks about it I feel uncomfortable. I feel like I'm not myself. I don't try to avoid situations that influence my abuse. Maybe I start away from my schoolwork because I know I will be abused because of it. And I have a huge phone addiction. What do you guys think?",1.3932255979314796,3.7452184453781534,2.556470588235296,93.037963800905,83.03361344537817,5.6783451842275365,20.91855203619909,7.010146845296331,0.4091365223012282,461,14,100,6,13,147,77,119,0.264,0.64,0.096,-0.9716,0,1,0,0,5,0,14.0,0,1,0,0,6,5,1,2,4,1,12,1,0,2,0,19,20,7,0,0,6,1,2,2,0,2,1,0,0,2,9,2,0,2,6,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,3,19,2,11,17,1,7,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,4,5,66,28,0,0.0,0.7663091630242348,0.0,0.1410135683922178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471574038323215,0.12153114744604955,0.0,0.0,0.15770444665315148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308092533527888,0.09240961583820397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06758146235415423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807953906414565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497464942517495,0.0,0.0,0.07108887729592812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12639041960121047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12995220302403734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517675575273247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151206418721484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13299614964665538,0.0,0.0,0.14653142677536068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14539788768392484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155652775210522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31190647265997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593620578779357,0.08288400606294408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782201242997921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,acasteph,2019/02/20,"Complex or not? Hello all! Does anyone have good resources to read or personal experiences on C-PTSD versus PTSD? I have C-PTSD from childhood, but trying to determine whether my separate adult traumatic experiences reflect PTSD better. Thanks! ",6.00225,9.753044725000002,6.115000000000002,65.47000000000003,76.75,9.2,35.5,9.3871,4.8881000000000006,199,11,25,6,5,63,32,40,0.10400000000000001,0.6779999999999999,0.218,0.6751,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,9,3,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,4,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,1,14,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457883333069596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575746431586815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591554827312562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348563934621717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14943841558759274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15556895720299618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8330729235058459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1782156785059133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403266316847698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209640127413691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,onisshi1807,2019/02/20,"I'm not sure but i think i might have ptsd (TW: blood) I have recently decided to see a psychologist but i am not sure. When i was 8, my mom was robbed at knifepoint by a couple of druggies on a motorcycle right before my eyes. She took 2 knife wounds. I was unharmed but my mind somehow blocked out all memory of ever seeing a knife. What i do remember is us running to a nearby establishment to ask for help. Blood fell in thick dark drops - i can still see them in my mind. And as the drops fell, a waiter at the establishment mopped them up silently, and the drops turned to streaks of dark red on the tiled flooring. This is probably what i see in my minds eye the most. Whenever i hear the sound of a specific type of motorcycle engine running, my mind goes blank. My first instinct is to run and run and run and my heart beats like crazy. And sometimes, i think about that memory and i can't stop crying. I don't even know why - my mom is alive and well, and i wasn't even harmed. I am typing this while sobbing. Is this ptsd? 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It’s late and I’m tired but basically found out that the man involved had other victims, and hunted one girl down IRL (this all happened online). Of course right after i got this info a slew of other things happened. I had my life threatened by a customer at work. Trafficking is high in my area and I’ve had sketchy groups coming into my store and asking if I’m alone, loitering around the building, etc. I was in the immediate vicinity of a shooting (no one was injured). I’m totally convinced that 1.) someone is after me, or 2.) I’m going to be killed or hurt in some sort of malicious act. I can’t hardly leave my house and I absolutely will not leave after dark. I can’t go anywhere alone. I can’t be home alone after dark without my roommate home without locking myself in the bathroom and not coming out until she gets back. I’ve nailed blankets over my window in case someone could possibly peek through the gap in my curtains. I can’t undress in my own bedroom. I’m 20 fucking years old and drafting a will because I’m certain that someone is going to kill me. I’m constantly looking over my shoulder. I feel like everyone is watching me, and not watching me at the same time. Like, there’s constantly eyes on me but if someone were to try and grab me, no one would be paying enough attention to stop them. Shit, I have to check my fucking trunk before getting in my car because i’m terrified that someone will be hiding in my car. I can’t sleep at all, and don’t even get me started on the nightmares. It’s ducking exhausting. I feel like i’ve 100% gone crazy. I don’t know what provoked this particular reaction out of all of the ways i could have reacted. I haven’t been to therapy in 2 weeks and I’m going back thursday so i’ll have a chance to talk about all of that, but her office is in a semi-sketch area and I’m afraid to drive there. Don’t even know what this post is for. I’m just scared and tired.",2.9851975683890544,4.6866649125295545,4.3267382640999665,85.56800000000001,74.81560283687944,7.0092266126308695,28.397771023302933,7.760100539840176,1.7624690172239097,1650,69,330,23,35,545,210,423,0.17300000000000001,0.777,0.049,-0.9951,0,3,0,1,2,1,46.0,0,0,1,1,12,16,6,2,16,0,36,11,4,2,6,60,74,24,2,6,13,0,5,3,0,4,5,0,5,2,18,24,0,1,7,0,3,12,16,11,0,3,11,9,40,5,55,52,10,66,0,2,4,2,9,31,3,6,23,214,58,2,0.0,0.10318220109925788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705832681425022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775246513081164,0.08141328460196331,0.0,0.0,0.13392690891689832,0.0,0.10617315252106704,0.0,0.07410343535078608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22504961181136932,0.0,0.18821720167441747,0.0,0.1390615380947397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998270899405042,0.09712346916113837,0.11503844101955547,0.0,0.0,0.08321402716020708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806619662372726,0.12442794664352952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09548487048720468,0.0,0.16101847633498015,0.1364959022221897,0.0,0.19797102391498603,0.0,0.06965031341440071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540190250739257,0.0,0.15602319271870174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201072258397656,0.17470792386592315,0.0,0.0,0.10048509536323293,0.0932269408641202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926946373527852,0.0,0.09571994159799636,0.0,0.0982363551628436,0.1844221621906692,0.0,0.0,0.061511137951332576,0.12763688262102166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312997478814548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138169264486808,0.0,0.17703437839613187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09817593432607367,0.08340393651555192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598652844996668,0.0,0.0,0.07437063049476135,0.0,0.0,0.08718788240414548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939212166094805,0.0,0.0,0.08714849677514222,0.0,0.36893675084089617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06163963915807138,0.0,0.0,0.07280746487499096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547753671672027,0.06999611022777978,0.0,0.0,0.09958997843779087,0.0,0.05785580608425335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050780316362058285,0.20018418333938884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05912540906942713,0.09472413053630524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185474413154369,0.0,0.13824899884937192,0.06985481908181129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789483034120742,0.0,0.06339935732824785,0.0,0.0,0.0618631148948064,0.0,0.0,0.056080274144189715 ptsd,KrazyKano,2019/02/20,"PTSD since 1976 Hi, all I'm new here. I've been suffering from PTSD since 1976. Some days are good, but most really suck. Without going into detail I'll just say my PTSD is combat related, although we were not in a ""declared"" war at the time. Not Vietnam, BTW. It took the VA and social security until 2014 to finally recognize my problems. I suffer nightmares almost every night and only get about 4 hours of sleep. Writing fiction has become a release for me. My current wife, my first wife passed away, is supportive, but doesn't really understand why I have so many bad days. She doesn't understand why we sit in the back of a restaurant and I always have to face the door. She doesn't like when I drink but she knows it keeps the monsters (memories) at bay - flashbacks are less frequent when I've had a few adult beverages. She also doesn't understand the mood swings and the anger that sometimes wells up. I try to warn her that this is not a good time for a discussion and it pisses her off. There are no support systems for families where I live - the Philippines - so she just puts puts up with my bs. Damn, I'm rambling now. Anyway, I look forward to reading posts here about how people cope with their monsters. Sorry for the rambling, but it's been one of the bad days. BTW, I never physically abuse my wife but I can get loud sometimes and I know that can be just as bad. She loves me and puts up with my shit. I sold all my weapons but there are days when I wish I hadn't. Oh, and I was in counseling for a year. Useless. I take no drugs, like xanax or any of that shit but beer, brandy, and gin are great pacifiers. ",2.446574074074072,4.525344830246915,3.335580246913583,90.38411111111117,77.54938271604941,6.418765432098766,23.76296296296297,7.42949916751922,0.9729822222222224,1271,42,263,17,30,404,181,324,0.204,0.687,0.109,-0.9890000000000001,1,0,3,0,1,0,45.0,2,0,1,1,21,26,8,0,17,0,24,10,5,1,3,46,44,27,1,2,15,3,0,2,0,0,2,2,1,1,9,15,2,2,5,3,1,7,12,15,1,2,8,3,36,10,33,35,6,43,0,3,1,1,21,13,5,4,24,170,45,1,0.0,0.11391231347320233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627212647969913,0.0,0.0,0.07688456387009009,0.07999768055055324,0.0,0.0,0.06537972181660602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032838723993274,0.07392711082196744,0.24082316504996104,0.0,0.10618106620391968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2480140332433972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09418236383728036,0.11149396665929316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08100361426835025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063393398887608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531864409462252,0.0,0.08177816718399274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046024628339688,0.0,0.054639601342486084,0.16127836324856765,0.0,0.10599667548914922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946803081194003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545525056169705,0.0,0.0,0.10567403948340467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09394005573940484,0.0,0.08489497206390656,0.0,0.0807348992714454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08677172941891488,0.0,0.0,0.0974726965996179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07415048421840878,0.09285435092050524,0.0,0.09022256781968577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514817281969748,0.07312017230452733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665261973120751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207726972328514,0.0,0.0,0.09199471973652204,0.33715386295107985,0.2899471949486778,0.0,0.0,0.09616781876886077,0.0,0.12318179969771892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645581934807477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19737635515026425,0.15905898329301768,0.0,0.09621123389118864,0.09800445913737137,0.0,0.0,0.1901733999114799,0.10762287545790207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21820115386627006,0.0,0.0,0.07228666968204267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212211513376552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681707890658966,0.06527397225873235,0.0,0.0,0.3002610177403248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08644302565354668,0.0,0.1735060437835303,0.0,0.11055832690421176,0.09267726575225818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06191216798942669 ptsd,ineedanswers421,2019/02/20,It’s like I feel the crying coming on and my body can’t do anything to stop it I hate how out of my control it is. It’s like the harder I try to maintain myself the worse it comes out — I just start balling. Then the heart racing and sweating follows. My chest tightens. The room starts to spin. I hate feeling like I have no control over my own body. ,1.2317953667953638,3.092281986486487,2.4058301158301165,96.64283783783787,80.48648648648648,4.228571428571429,22.73359073359073,3.1291,-0.2255652509652513,273,9,61,0,7,87,48,74,0.22,0.6709999999999999,0.11,-0.875,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,0,5,0,4,5,5,3,0,13,13,4,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,3,2,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,0,2,11,3,8,13,1,12,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,7,40,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15550024168304788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4197900308726112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32554935256095224,0.0,0.0,0.4238755814618791,0.0,0.0,0.2075667066702273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910904870881778,0.1349950255776558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731231869392416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239217672781969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769529627205028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26749761252848026,0.0,0.0,0.15798131928033046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12829330266910316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19256918467829434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Schemp001,2019/02/20,"How do I know I have PTSD vs Normal feelings of three coworkers dying on the job? How do I know I have PTSD vs Normal feelings of three coworkers dying on the job? I work for a medevac service that three weeks ago had a fatal crash with three of my coworkers are believed to be lost at sea. I was on duty when the accident happened. I dont know if I have survivors guilt. I have never been shook to the core like this did to me. I love my job but this was the first time I actually thought about walking away from my almost 20 year career of EMS and 10years as a flightmedic. ",3.031615312791782,4.245643739495797,4.143137254901962,88.90856209150326,73.78991596638657,6.969561157796452,26.66760037348273,7.3871296695380915,1.227184126984127,451,16,97,5,9,147,72,119,0.087,0.863,0.049,-0.4959,3,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,4,6,0,2,8,0,14,1,0,2,1,19,23,7,3,3,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,6,0,0,2,2,4,0,5,7,2,15,2,17,15,0,14,0,1,0,1,1,5,0,2,8,69,18,7,0.0,0.0,0.15549066275850046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124330466938,0.0,0.15955374393155866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970306457778304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951908451450002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3307348640829529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18674266052414615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113191155985152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13553261180761805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090184928038507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4743544026640156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26270358699572266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784437794423273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17393598037526328,0.0,0.14380854357801556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12289109843106948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122343358235383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725146144363739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264963781522519,0.09291112547976134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781113482635895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599978231845542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260828921978436 ptsd,DystopianAlice,2019/02/20,"Depression, anxiety, intrusive thoughts I'm not really sure what's going on with me right now but I just feel bad. I have been dx with PTSD but it's been in remission for a little over a year. A couple of months ago I guess I fell into a kind of depressive episode, I had a lot of stuff going on and it sort of got overwhelming. I was suicidal at one point but not bad enough that I felt I was going to go through with it, more like a wish if that makes sense. Things in my life improved and a lot of those feelings went away I think? But I'm still just so tired all the time I can sleep entire days away. I struggle to find motivation for basic tasks and have fallen out of all my hobbies. I worry constantly about dumb stuff like what other people think of me and convince myself that they must be mad at me or not like me anymore. I worry about embarrassing or dumb stuff I did 20 years ago. I've also been having intrusive thoughts related to my PTSD, not really flashbacks, but just remembering and thinking about things when I don't want to. Most of all I feel like since I've been doing so well for so long that I need to hide all of this. I don't want people to think I'm weak or broken or crazy for having all of this come up out of nowhere. I've never felt exactly like this before but it's like I can't allow myself to be sick in this way again even though it's happening anyway and I'm scared that if I admit it or reach out for help it will change the way people see me now.",2.980418113626893,4.004046575079876,4.231768301152936,88.96147103764412,73.66453674121406,7.616002222530906,22.554382553132378,8.04050195162591,0.8848467564939573,1170,28,261,17,23,385,156,313,0.249,0.626,0.125,-0.9935,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,1,19,22,3,4,9,0,21,6,1,3,9,69,52,25,1,7,20,0,5,6,0,2,5,0,0,0,25,14,0,0,15,0,0,8,8,12,1,1,14,6,31,10,45,34,10,43,0,3,1,0,3,18,2,12,21,182,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659703418407835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486489373099696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161618690034152,0.0,0.09284217997631672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17591112627070907,0.0,0.15633134274643354,0.0,0.0,0.07966054681214373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903359586918936,0.08064212341344211,0.0,0.10116592526284668,0.0,0.0,0.10358461721195833,0.0,0.06037474659391965,0.0,0.16126310466745472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09673062750967353,0.0,0.06183266047420245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200559013565614,0.06687947880833747,0.17977259182165167,0.0,0.08556357070337868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21281712437992226,0.0,0.0748734795622332,0.0,0.10312887088517936,0.0,0.08278455444597717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274900944635349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748693450250932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612393691392314,0.2744170716204221,0.09382809194809164,0.0,0.08284744907224563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15917840242827375,0.0,0.0,0.06248958419123731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472361000403885,0.0,0.0,0.06941527469170718,0.07220263524539176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343680433898727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19470519341830875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849763038797075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188648093565029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199459537748676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604897945833357,0.07994777926194667,0.0,0.0,0.09372621329671507,0.0,0.07460004309790093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744034225981125,0.0,0.09368387408898353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07476207059058641,0.0,0.0,0.09786804701452337,0.3215046796495233,0.10240099996777284,0.0,0.08823222236996899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438897406340242,0.2399420915997401,0.09197750557888572,0.1486417156033993,0.054588397279375284,0.10759812573108317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043459786048583,0.14861646821688912,0.0,0.0,0.08417226558341967,0.08678321605829863,0.0,0.0,0.1076540852692612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19014372379833974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057161135792575 ptsd,mithril_mind,2019/02/20,"The man who gave me PTSD just got engaged I found out yesterday that he got engaged to a woman he’s been dating for less than a year. He and I were together for more than two before I finally was in such a rocky place myself from the building trauma that I had to leave him. I was absolutely numb yet simultaneously melting down from panic attacks and disassociation’s and nightmares every single day. I’ve been in therapy for a year next week, and it has helped so much I can’t even believe it. I don’t even recognize the woman that I was a year ago, 18 months ago. It’s absolutely incredible, and I am so grateful to have found this therapist and have these resources. But hearing that he was engaged just rocked me to my core. So many things that I thought were settled came flying up to the surface. I know it’s kind of stupid but I ended up calling in sick to work today because I just couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t stop thinking about all the screaming, the holes in the wall, the meltdowns, having to scan him every time he walked in the room to see where he was at and what his mood was and if I needed to keep the boat from rocking. I was so upset yesterday, and I think all of my friends thought it was because I was upset that he had moved on. And of course that is a small part of it. But the anger and the sadness and the fear went so much deeper than that, and it took me a few hours to figure out that it’s probably my PTSD. I feel embarrassed because they all just think that I am still heartbroken and a little in love, when I’m actually just still traumatized. I’m so angry that he has moved on with apparently no consequences, and I am still ponderously reassembling myself day after day, week after week. It’s really hard. I just want to be well. I want to stop thinking about him, and I want to sleep through the night, and I want to not get stuck in fugue states for thirty minutes at a time. I’m just really tired. 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I fell for that trick everytime because no one else wanted to be my friend and I was so incredibly lonely. I'm 18 now, and I'm proud to say I rarely get flashbacks and it's now more of the depression and anxiety that have stemmed from it that I need help controlling. But as I've gotten older, I've become alot more numb to things, like I dont feel things as much, in terms of emotions or hunger or thirst or anything like that. It usually comes and goes abit but at the moment it's been almost a full week of this. I still smile and laugh like I'm supposed to and it comes across as genuine but I dont feel anything. It might be my PTSD resurfacing or it might have something to do with my boyfriends lack of contact over the past week (He's pretty much my safety net). 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I really want I be involved though and volunteer. I had an interview today with an organization that I thought I could do outreach and education with, but they really need volunteers to answer the hotline and go with survivors to the hospital. I’m afraid of getting triggered by this, but I really want to give back and help others. Are there any other survivors who are involved in activism that can give some advice? How do you know if you’re ready for that and what do you do if you do get triggered badly? Also, I’m hoping that helping others will maybe reduce the helpless feeling I have, but idk if that will actually happen, so just looking to hear from others who are further ahead in this process than me. 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I had an “episode” at work three weeks ago where I couldn’t control my thoughts, everything from noises, to lights, and interacting with customers cause me to freak out. I couldn’t hear anything. It sounds like I was listening through a cup. Ever since then when falling asleep and waking up I get this tingling through my whole body. I easily get startled when sleeping and wake up feeling startled. I was wondering if anyone experiences this too. I should also mention I have bipolar 2. 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Researchers recruited over 250 military veterans who were treated at the Indianapolis VA Medical Center and followed them as part of a 10-year study. More: [http://www.mentaldaily.com/article/2019/03/researchers-develop-new-blood-test-that-may-help-diagnose-ptsd/](http://www.mentaldaily.com/article/2019/03/researchers-develop-new-blood-test-that-may-help-diagnose-ptsd/)",28.184583333333336,29.923536069444445,17.697777777777787,10.925000000000038,21.63888888888889,18.48888888888889,58.72222222222222,16.32212239822248,9.761272222222221,575,25,48,16,3,146,55,72,0.076,0.8859999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.4215,1,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,1,6,0,4,5,2,1,0,4,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,11,2,3,8,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,29,4,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10992192693206132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27947354410090364,0.0,0.0,0.15778696392660088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27684105004961895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13869262684105108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5318677601314947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490881233122678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185416386323684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6437367343938212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393339965151289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15770573393314471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865789752171269 ptsd,myfavoritebandis,2019/03/15,"“Screwy in the head” I grew up in an abusive household. Regularly hit, screamed at, doors slammed on me, verbally abused... etc. my boss has a disabled vet friend who also has ptsd. He said something like “He has like... Really really bad ptsd” then he went on about how he’s a veteran and that is a more valid reason to have ptsd than other things. He knows about my ptsd. I’ve told him this. He then referred to his friend as “screwy in the head”. Yep. All of us trauma survivors are fucked up. Yep. And half of us are invalid and just being dramatic. Yep. Of course. How silly of me to even tell him about my illness. 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A few years ago I was stabbed multiple times breaking up a bar fight in which a friend's boyfriend was slapping her around and stabbed me several times while stopping him. For a while after that, anytime adrenaline would flood my body I'd automatically go into a fight or flight response, one time even slamming a 10 year old in a grocery store against some shelves after hearing him run up behind me. (I apologized profusely to the kid and his parent, who understood thankfully, but I felt and still feel awful about it) About two days ago I was walking to the store and a security guard was pretending to draw his gun on his security guard buddy behind me and I snapped. I almost took the guy out and realized what was happening before tackling him. I screamed at him about what an idiot his is and how all three of us almost got into a situation where none of us would walk away unharmed. &#x200B; That night I broke up with my girlfriend who launched into me about what an idiot I am for doing that, and I've been on the edge of rage or tears ever since. I can't think, I'm snapping at work, my heart is beating a hundred miles an hour all the time. I don't know what to do. I don't know if this is PTSD, I don't know what this is, but I feel like I'm losing my mind and anyone around me right now. Does anyone have any experience with something like this? I'm not trying to claim that my trauma is the same as those who have experienced combat PTSD, and I certainly apologize if I'm coming off that way, I'm just kind of lost and scared right now.",6.9131540185718885,6.0143649855907775,7.060898174831895,78.77526016650657,64.85014409221901,10.131860390650017,33.398815241754725,9.2995712137729,2.731011015049631,1378,49,278,21,18,445,178,347,0.17300000000000001,0.725,0.102,-0.9857,1,0,1,1,2,0,36.0,2,0,0,4,14,21,5,1,22,1,26,4,2,2,4,59,52,23,0,4,11,1,4,4,2,2,1,3,0,2,20,21,1,5,11,2,2,6,7,11,0,3,12,8,38,10,41,38,6,50,0,3,0,0,25,21,0,8,25,187,58,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1557338692434477,0.0,0.1759228301327521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903542781503391,0.21347611671071448,0.059735803684022426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284281362558545,0.0,0.0,0.15639661314829145,0.0,0.0,0.08253077035712424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474736174855233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757303749698937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07566839812398908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05665104251387006,0.0,0.0,0.0891581263942137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687142400428654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801903734404265,0.07945842592055083,0.0,0.08393712061058822,0.0,0.08592666449137859,0.0,0.0,0.1332471799524282,0.1255091710035655,0.08434242225989451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06786677425640351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992282635162538,0.0,0.07025554413289467,0.0,0.0,0.08697772750513866,0.07767869147268862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09900470176761757,0.1040935962657856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865070107582916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09147427993684892,0.1448275589513511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17166132163902556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827310965747107,0.09589029118193823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886957227227821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243408582041785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217575953107986,0.0,0.05952424320260341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09753852352479966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5134149755956909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15003375740260808,0.0,0.0,0.08794550691614827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923684127374198,0.0,0.07266409167986533,0.09873847100949926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06762532519421435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015100647857309,0.07344012985692489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08087342500882405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257164956326897,0.0,0.0,0.20488630028299698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09759607227395832,0.059639182978805376,0.0,0.08580920253616924,0.0,0.21132703941142247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972516104990252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06395026997611394,0.0,0.0,0.12480135653752247,0.0,0.21347611671071448,0.1131351743295196 ptsd,MagikarpIsBest,2019/03/15,"I would be happier never interacting with people ever again. How do I combat this? Long story short, I was in an abusive relationship for years, and was very fragile/vulnerable before that happened in the first place. Now I have zero desire to socialize. I only go out to get groceries at late hours. The rest of the time, I work. I play video games for fun, sometimes, but only light and/or stress-free ones. But I can't keep doing this. I mean, I can.. but I shouldn't? It's not healthy? I guess what I mean is that in order to get better, I need to keep moving forward. However, again, I have NO desire to interact with others. But I think it's something I need to do. But how? I have nothing to say, talk about, and I'd rather not. It's draining, and I don't want to talk about myself. But I know I need to start interacting with others again to get healthier. This is so frustrating. What in the world should I do?",1.3444565217391329,3.671742793478263,3.0686521739130437,89.44808695652176,83.02173913043478,5.853913043478261,20.069565217391304,7.1686216300943375,0.5122073913043477,710,20,147,10,20,235,103,184,0.084,0.809,0.107,0.461,1,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,3,11,4,1,0,5,0,18,0,0,2,2,36,35,12,0,10,9,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,12,7,0,2,4,3,0,3,7,1,0,3,2,2,23,3,24,29,1,26,0,0,0,0,9,10,0,1,14,108,35,1,0.0,0.17777354220448094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767347518742495,0.0,0.0,0.13269869241937138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572028674839176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762443332088655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23517001746350302,0.0,0.08527151437038932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528660503820325,0.0,0.13268038170620824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775973938372422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2667259074831829,0.0,0.0,0.08245837410035754,0.0,0.1692522997620155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278118412130144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3268763361475508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946938228878665,0.0,0.3337595474412036,0.11572053831375337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439679748030398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167137421040848,0.2282252311596808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040192402870697,0.0,0.15676046252701611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16108742248687058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193182845053059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294746741126858,0.0,0.11550856212516812,0.14839396156801934,0.0,0.1061994886385031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17187096751875178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411938555906074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613993973240052,0.0,0.0,0.0874898637339904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379918486302807,0.08849781638471384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109231322899268,0.0,0.0,0.10658451699506942,0.0,0.0,0.0966212086600145 ptsd,anxious_shit,2019/03/15,"I'm angry. TW: sexual assault argument I'm panicking right now. Full-blown panic attack, literally can't breathe. All because of a graphic video someone shared comparing rape victims to animals in the meat industry. For reference, here's the video-- WATCH AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. It is so triggering: [https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1318403484921842](https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1318403484921842) Now this is the argument we had. I hate confrontation. Hate hate hate it. But I couldn't not say anything. I'm just feeling really frustrated right now because I feel like she isn't listening to me. I didn't edit out her name because it is only a first name, and Ariana is a really common name anyway (I spelled it wrong in the text). Am I in the wrong? Am I being too sensitive? I'm just, idk. [https://imgur.com/a/htW7cXB](https://imgur.com/a/htW7cXB)",6.455073529411763,10.414703772058829,4.5884705882353,74.27711764705887,81.13235294117645,8.60235294117647,27.388235294117646,8.841846274778883,3.3974747058823542,707,28,99,20,20,202,89,136,0.361,0.599,0.04,-0.9944,0,0,0,0,0,0,63.0,1,1,0,1,9,15,10,1,8,0,12,2,1,1,1,16,23,3,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,2,0,0,5,13,0,1,2,5,12,2,9,19,2,12,0,0,1,1,10,7,0,0,6,61,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370520443265944,0.0,0.0,0.1894685658141903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045721915963525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16841994342478592,0.11897952073315385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14166278170400634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6577133900525883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0813652963114975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666469993183144,0.0,0.19540424547438964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213385515980362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844564171179088,0.0,0.13244297860012827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14111272902912436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641808281641787,0.0,0.0 ptsd,safestwordthrowaway,2019/03/15,"Am I alone? I have PTSD from a very messed up young adult-hood. There's a variety of traumas, but that's not too important right now. I need to know, does anyone else get auditory hallucinations? Not just during flashbacks, but during the course of an average day? ",3.2578,5.818245180000003,4.3580000000000005,81.62900000000002,77.2,8.0,24.0,8.841846274778883,1.9318000000000004,209,7,40,5,5,68,42,50,0.172,0.828,0.0,-0.7072,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,23,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575129265529703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24136500261736896,0.35368813603990995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22261911170990994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3020782560801114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883621047672304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803476238606269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189707497539112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25595414743361483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035088525606368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947905309182193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28481805291435075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Restlessh8rt,2019/03/15,"Having a hard day due to my customer service responsibilities at work I work at an after school program at an elementary school. Our policies state that only adults over the age of 18 listed by the parents can pick up from program. Students 4th grade and up can walk home. We cannot release any student to Uber Driver’s. Yesterday evening, a student was not picked up from program. I informed the parent who then told me that all she could do was send an Uber Driver to get her. I told her this was fine, but she also much be present as I cannot release her student alone to the driver. Mom flipped her lid and started verbally attacking me. I told her that if she did not get her daughter that my only other option was to call the local authorities, which only made her attitude worse stating that I am prejudice and that how dare I treat her like a criminal. She finally hung up after threatening to fight me my stating “Get my hair down” to someone else she was with. My supervisor was well aware of this whole situation. After being threatened I did call the police who then tried to mediate the situation, which of course, failed. My supervisor then called the mother where she continued her threats and stated she was coming to her her daughter. I then had to call the police again and was on the phone with dispatch when she arrived. I stayed on the line in case things escalated and you can’t never predict anyone’s behavior. The mom came in, said nothing and left. I’m lucky because nothing escalated yesterday but now I’m having bad anxiety and other PTSD symptoms. Part of my PTSD is from dealing with these bullying and manipulating type personalities trying to get their way by putting me down and making threats.... it’s just going to be a very hard and exhausting day of staying hyper vigilant. 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He refuses to just let me be when I leave the room because that’s even more worrying to him. What can help? Ear plugs? ",2.998750000000001,5.494853375000003,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,77.75,7.0,30.0,8.07648339933343,2.3080000000000003,165,8,31,3,4,52,37,40,0.285,0.6559999999999999,0.059000000000000004,-0.8538,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,4,2,2,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824076941554197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049077798063266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201725183794388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253075078120723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559236483448491,0.0,0.3437258499455256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857741457997281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39438777941308745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363826836376534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3413664128972202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Aileks,2019/03/15,"Really having a rough time lately. This year has just been constant stress so far. I knew that it would be, it's my last term in school, until the past couple weeks there were ongoing housing issues, I got pretty sick unexpectedly, etc. But I mostly had things under control -- it was a lot of stress but I knew there was an end in sight. Then one more thing happened and everything fell apart. It hit all my triggers and I've just been a wreck. I can't eat, can't sleep, can't stop crying for more than a short period. I know everything will be okay and that things won't feel this way for long, but right now it does and I don't know what to do. Friends have tried to help, but this reaction is so disproportionate to the actual situation I know it doesn't make sense. I've never really felt like a support group for PTSD would help me, but right now this seemed like the right place to reach out. Thanks for listening. 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(flashbacks?) I've tried googling this, but I can't really find anything useful. I keep getting these images in my head, and it feels very similar to when you're trying to remember a dream you've had. The images are accompanied by a really disgusting feeling, and sometimes sensation of touching this disgusting thing. Is this what flashbacks are like? The twist however, is that the images I'm getting are really specific and weird (in lack of a better word) I can't think of any sort of situation in real life where they would belong, traumatic or not. So are they still flashbacks if they are fictional? Thank you for any insight you might have!",5.285901639344259,7.5104061147540975,5.804065573770496,75.17986885245901,69.81967213114754,9.47016393442623,30.2327868852459,9.888512548439397,3.3654957377049186,534,22,88,14,10,172,82,122,0.156,0.7070000000000001,0.138,-0.6719,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,3,1,4,6,2,0,6,0,14,2,1,1,0,21,23,8,0,3,4,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,6,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,3,9,3,11,20,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,4,3,60,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715753318078334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961927275241176,0.0,0.1643177124786934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17659867646725702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20192606374702346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18250177703323228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086466870755374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20492690105457684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1774826917366896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410382466746189,0.0975524256551494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21182645785058107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22727690859512065,0.38375589398459176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22619588037999425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444607231236688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974863258322479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15946284879538344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838363751443244,0.0,0.0,0.13265697436008927,0.12794539119290754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27113606760679204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724573996680074,0.0,0.16475499340598254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14184529093734602,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wolfbladderr,2019/03/15,"My father has PTSD and often expresses his feelings with aggression, but the next minute he’ll be the sweetest person in the world. I told a few friends some things he’s done and I feel guilty for painting him in a bad light He is stressful to live with because the unpredictability of his nature makes it impossible to know what his moods will be, all I can do is try to calm him down. He is literally Jekyll and Hyde. The smallest things will set him off, and then when he gets angry, he doesn’t stop being angry. No, often, it escalates into hitting and screaming. He has gotten much better, but I have told three close friends about him in the past few days after I’ve had too much to drink and I feel guilty. Like, about how abusive he can and has been but half the time he is so sweet and undeserving of what I say about him. My closest friends would never want to meet him and I feel like I just make him seem alot worse than he actually is. I feel like I screwed up and I wish I would’ve never told anyone anything.",4.921523525018671,5.3376681650485445,5.139514563106797,86.43853248693054,68.80582524271844,7.891859596713965,27.011202389843174,7.61054688173877,1.2437487677371175,806,23,172,8,13,254,119,206,0.21899999999999997,0.633,0.14800000000000002,-0.9588,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,1,10,15,2,1,10,0,22,2,0,3,3,39,40,17,0,3,4,1,5,3,3,4,0,2,0,1,6,14,1,1,7,1,0,0,4,5,0,2,7,9,24,9,22,25,7,21,0,0,0,1,31,10,1,5,13,116,30,0,0.0,0.16037382514135834,0.1320871883480533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09464353049842968,0.0,0.11138582894631774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301597103985495,0.08251129756740014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197107096514542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729293170166501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851540415942168,0.0,0.13259660425554498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421983798497322,0.19339562003054808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137253664057155,0.0,0.07071752596307959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0743876996848079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983831986231881,0.0,0.1195211561422668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807013465931628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19900335014689974,0.0,0.20878860989839645,0.0,0.14395183258824815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12921189169525782,0.0,0.11818697407902927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582230314236983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763991906855556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12322232628942252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131630408777098,0.1550489693231393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17984801311696616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07892672854533794,0.0,0.0,0.3880131950740664,0.0,0.09189732254684174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0798360270841045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15565184523294145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793855258841514,0.19230495696240388,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shieldedsunshine,2019/03/15,"Please tell me it gets better. Today was so hard. People kept coming up behind me and it made me shake and want to puke every time. I had to go to my boss and ask her to address a coworker that grabs me every time she talks to me. The jets flying overhead remind me of my abuser. I’ve had a constant sick feeling since diagnosis. I can’t sit still. I’m constantly shaking my leg or tapping my fingers. My hands shake if anyone talks too loud too close. Someone please tell me it gets better....",1.7034999999999982,3.877894350000002,3.2960000000000003,89.24300000000002,80.5,5.2,21.0,6.2581,0.2862999999999998,385,11,77,3,10,127,68,100,0.159,0.746,0.095,-0.7886,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,3,3,0,4,4,3,2,0,12,14,6,0,2,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,4,5,0,1,1,0,0,5,1,3,0,0,5,6,16,2,8,9,0,14,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,6,44,20,1,0.0,0.20593155707033192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152911851417098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624850437932068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30743436860459195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971838322453454,0.0,0.3756448398590351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29287791470463204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788147957097905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161280646517425,0.0,0.09877789186335308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569593725151604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445933426670287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204951189696738,0.0,0.0,0.3815733455609538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437740271303535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726516540977588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138801607169428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793971792520125,0.30382801492421724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20269522273329235,0.0,0.16474765982651682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251521626579303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fireflydoesreddit,2019/07/08,"There's a new guy at work, and he reminds me of my abuser. (Triggers?) So recently my company hired someone new, and the person looks a lot like the person who abused me when I was a kid. It kind of freaks me out, he has the same eyes and nose and he just looks like him. I feel like it's stupid, but sometimes when I see him around at work, I tense up and my brain just goes on red alert and I feel like I cant breathe. I feel bad, because it's not the guy's fault, and he's been nice so far, but I just cant look at him without being reminded of it. The real guy is dead so I dont know why I cant just focus and be okay... I don't really know what to do. I cant do anything like switching jobs or anything at the moment, and I'm trying to deal with it somehow. I've never been here before, I'm kind of new to reddit, but I thought maybe I could post this here and maybe ask for help? Or at least just get it off of my chest",1.4470015948963315,1.9377874162679447,3.281320574162681,96.35391068580543,76.7511961722488,6.338883572567784,21.1103668261563,6.079149491110277,-0.12300216905901128,706,15,184,4,15,238,108,209,0.08199999999999999,0.779,0.139,0.8951,1,0,0,0,2,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,15,13,1,0,9,1,16,5,5,1,1,38,30,20,1,1,12,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,6,9,13,0,0,6,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,4,10,24,9,21,23,3,20,0,0,6,0,17,11,0,4,13,113,33,4,0.0,0.2708962747292077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188147948036944,0.10176725741122312,0.10687189882160432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545075548523957,0.06968719214117422,0.0,0.0972761986432804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12761669596959155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127362138684242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117856838994164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397984537778224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17340784801625952,0.1633376050270128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05972643704350952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3395783811123547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07662494612253966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344297609843222,0.0,0.0,0.2380892119195174,0.1256523669777628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792500034867335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2879949864913084,0.0,0.0,0.09718907611096332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22969559409373835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816908959038612,0.3312271121946908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19963613745139666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948504421842993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13011891214678634,0.07323503850266729,0.0,0.11287523422564665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109664572478728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686127098350444,0.0,0.1130634257567052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075572307965904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07761441841767185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10315421456833623,0.0,0.0,0.11019847318912393,0.0,0.16644973200297206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MissyFae,2019/07/08,"Married to PTSD I apologize in advance if this is a long post, but I have just recently decided to try and reach out to others who may be in a relationship with someone with PTSD because I don't really have anyone I could talk to who understands what I'm dealing with. For starters, my husband is amazing. We met online, dated for a couple of years, then he moved across the country to be with me. We were married in November of last year, things are wonderful. He was a marine in his 20s. Now I've been able to see the PTSD from the first time we talked about his time in the military, but it was a delicate subject and he was very against the idea that he could even be suffering from it so I never pushed the issue and I let him lead the conversations. I never wanted to make him feel like he had to tell me what happened while he served, and I never wanted him to feel like someone was forcing a diagnosis on him, especially since I am not licensed to do so, I was just going with what I saw. Sure, we have occasional issues. He is angry and distrustful of the world and tends to be very on-edge. He will lash out over small things and sometimes I have trouble taking it too personally even though I know better. Overall though, he knows I support him and love him, and he does a wonderful job of loving me even though he doesn’t think he does. Lately, he has had a few set-backs in his professional life and has been dealing (poorly) with stress from that. He’s had a couple of stressful dreams and has been feeling even more on-edge than usual. He’s fatigued and getting more stressed from not being active, he’s been having issues with dissociation as well. This past Saturday, he was messaging me at work and I was very bogged down and stressed and couldn’t dedicate the time to talking, so I told him I would talk when I got home. I got home, sat down with him, and just blurted out everything I have been thinking. I told him that he has PTSD, I explained to him the anxiety and the depression are stemming from that, I told him what dissociation was and how it’s something that happens to him all the time. Honestly, I expected it to go badly, but he just listened to what I said, was calm and rational but didn’t really talk back about it, and we went to bed. He just told me that he has been thinking about what I said nonstop and actually agrees with me, he knows it’s true and has been just denying it for so long that he didn’t quite know how to stop denying it. I don’t know if this will open up his viewpoint on getting help, he no longer associates with the military and refuses to even acknowledge he served, so there’s definitely no VA help in our future. But we have other insurance and it’s possible he might agree to at least go speak to a professional. For now, though, just the fact that he’s talking to ME about it is actually huge and I’m feeling hopeful. I’m not sure what I hope to gain by telling strangers on reddit about this, but just anyone who understands and could maybe give suggestions, advice, or just someone who has dealt with this and could say whether I’m doing things right or not would be fantastic. Thank you all in advance.",6.3058573699750164,5.960073748807634,6.558125823302294,80.05314149443561,65.8839427662957,9.986663638428343,32.43883715648421,9.534367207540994,2.7084715057915054,2504,91,510,44,35,807,260,629,0.105,0.7509999999999999,0.14300000000000002,0.9778,1,0,1,0,0,0,61.0,7,1,0,8,38,26,1,4,24,0,66,4,0,4,9,121,120,53,0,14,24,1,4,2,0,6,2,5,3,1,40,48,0,2,20,1,1,9,15,10,1,1,34,11,60,16,78,68,6,64,0,3,2,2,89,26,0,10,30,356,100,5,0.05969656999423459,0.0,0.11651048196124858,0.0,0.0,0.05833479729622866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04566771264889203,0.0,0.0,0.08348245950871347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180595495242012,0.0498441424177914,0.03639047498495515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052796764969596614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065141434514332,0.13210623850342498,0.0,0.0,0.12308908479292748,0.05141656826179335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448174138008166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971451073471573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365142785376401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073751788127395,0.08529448306363975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05077787194108903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06237798787384774,0.05726638954886758,0.10178080930715667,0.0,0.09548960081968423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10557895938990333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002670503489254,0.0,0.11976105413004146,0.1185843274457677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739016123201738,0.0,0.18692312825454652,0.05923963438741733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16403836834326335,0.04866067214036133,0.06734033115306244,0.0,0.0,0.06104378738546507,0.042165452824242805,0.058329457417920214,0.0,0.0,0.10565917180678568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775697025899923,0.0,0.039847924022614535,0.0,0.05997322832357235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332862699315224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344800648027142,0.0,0.0,0.1381250248690743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05698713086718911,0.0,0.05212474231492049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729891309403646,0.057172812398383836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791283829885013,0.0,0.0,0.06349465038491432,0.0,0.0,0.07648630271268768,0.0,0.05894316102144124,0.06409177535615168,0.0,0.05098054459855945,0.11357021688298627,0.047473108504289055,0.0,0.0,0.04757043734443302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04938161958656368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15174213010026955,0.0459573360920947,0.059041434161640274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04990900555063847,0.2735288769389578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774296019309714,0.1125266214793592,0.0,0.0448843913058624,0.28789105017290684,0.10435486681558599,0.05496058116356868,0.0,0.0,0.1189792455465998,0.11475345483137005,0.23460630769317806,0.0,0.1392382001229491,0.0,0.0,0.22817052347918446,0.0,0.04053005244031544,0.0,0.0,0.1242924693532273,0.0,0.0,0.06574733798076665,0.14776776652744425,0.07042116733479094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367438569466064,0.05533931845899763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947676734712374,0.04345981393851995,0.0,0.0,0.08481346109127416,0.0,0.0,0.07688526769471696 ptsd,Z16_189,2019/07/08,"Stress makes me a bumbling idiot. Diagnosed with PTSD last year after a lifetime of denial. I was trying to figure out what's wrong with my wife's car this morning. Remote start won't work, yadda yadda. I got so mad all I could think about was how mad I was. I'm sitting in my living room waiting on the tow truck full of anxiety and adrenaline. PTSD sucks ass. I really don't know how I made it this far lol.",1.0793986928104573,3.2715095411764707,2.9474509803921585,90.75241830065364,83.0,5.660130718954249,18.8562091503268,6.937597516519254,0.2578758169934643,321,8,67,4,9,107,66,85,0.276,0.693,0.031,-0.9695,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,4,1,3,1,6,2,1,4,1,14,15,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,4,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,5,0,9,0,10,8,2,12,0,0,0,1,1,6,2,0,4,38,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18730725310911028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19549037301752192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2485145089322443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19582647994145208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456148511358626,0.19958295050004488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21620435019690284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23168011232432165,0.1634372460946441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5724259838053479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685523130676224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330393747647813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804713637584554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568880445469079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16623501267361726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17825150193185105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26770171244630125,0.0,0.1576734136782461 ptsd,littleletto,2019/07/08,"Can't process the good things Over the past 2 years I have suffered from anxiety, depression and ptsd after grief and trauma. Life has taken a turn, from lower than I ever though I would ever go, to where I am now. Things are not only better than before, they are better than they have ever been and yet I am struggling to process the good news. How did you respond to things looking up in your life? I feel like I am still caught up in the trauma, waiting for it all to fall apart again.",5.096054421768706,5.307149081632655,5.1085714285714285,87.52809523809526,68.38775510204081,7.34965986394558,25.51700680272109,6.42735559955562,0.805933333333333,382,9,79,2,6,119,65,98,0.292,0.685,0.023,-0.9788,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,2,2,10,11,0,1,5,0,12,2,0,1,4,13,19,5,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,0,3,2,6,0,0,4,2,11,5,16,14,1,20,0,3,1,0,5,7,0,0,11,63,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373680938375036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279810254160886,0.0,0.0,0.31762444598092343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466060295357925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4872852938587482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907943584427832,0.1282825422349207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020519381768056,0.30122418815492685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25366665174556075,0.08772725756683955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079086865067706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13656862642035295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714168082093347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20990395447365026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14340226103722886,0.0,0.0,0.187722184716318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3578885654426845,0.0,0.1764234478845122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1953170907979717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12755908722036982,0.0,0.0,0.1156351178414637 ptsd,getwelded7018,2019/07/08,"I'm ruining my marriage. So to provide some background I was a first responder, I experienced things like you do in that line of work that change you. I had seen a trauma therapist once and swore I would never go back, she Dredged up everything and I was having more severe outbursts and episodes. I saw her about a year after I left, after my psychiatrist diagnosed me. Fast forward to present day, I'm newly married and going into it my girlfriend now wife knew how bad it was. She supports me the best she knows how, shes in the medical field so she is very understanding. I've been adopting more and more reckless behavior as time goes on, driving too fast, drinking too much, not taking my meds like I should etc. It's taking a toll on her and I hate myself even more each time she see's that side of me. I just want to be happy and live life again but I just don't know where to start..",2.3326388432467984,4.481606575418997,3.480716398291161,88.86161353927048,78.21787709497207,6.446401577390734,24.495892211633247,7.510576382923642,1.1473612224778171,703,25,144,10,17,227,117,179,0.07200000000000001,0.861,0.067,-0.184,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,3,14,9,1,0,6,0,13,4,0,2,1,24,30,13,0,3,4,1,0,2,1,2,3,0,0,0,7,9,1,0,4,1,0,4,3,4,0,1,8,4,29,5,16,19,9,28,0,1,3,0,14,10,0,1,18,103,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312204784286596,0.14248688373904694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790882326496565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805266712735999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1100561070809136,0.0,0.0,0.17320769168851238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671735132735316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1903215446850008,0.1127137136991634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337057459944298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14515608825488865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19397037296855213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18166170693128186,0.0,0.16848303722493452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875712152730439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541336624545104,0.0,0.12053620912991465,0.16674341686942715,0.0,0.1506884108759634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895553583210674,0.17191344409101794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12544849615132125,0.0,0.13161696577441634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173828997210453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13598716010594744,0.0,0.0,0.19278763364188045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207880179704724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936533126052412,0.0,0.0,0.2566173971693619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813955747483,0.1133732812270346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19901653705522715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776542415147554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080536881741468,0.100654682737793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423633260802508,0.0,0.0,0.12122593733005027,0.0,0.0,0.10989397818741788 ptsd,MindlessSomewhere3,2019/07/08,"Can childhood abuse legitimately cause PTSD? I’ll keep this short but basically I’m wondering if emotional abuse from a parental figure can legitimacy cause PTSD? My (22M) father was emotionally and sometimes physically abusive growing up. I was constantly scared of him and I remember my childhood being filled with fear and anxiety. I don’t speak to my dad anymore but I know I have a lot of issues still and I think it stems from my upbringing. I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember. I’m a good person, but I have a lot of major flaws ranging from addiction tendencies, impulsive behaviour, nihilistic views, pessimism. My mental health issues, specifically depression, make it hard to maintain healthy relationships. Could my upbringing be a direct influence to all Of these feelings or could I be exaggerating it? FYI the abuse was mainly name calling and straight verbal assault. My dad parented off of intimidation and fear. He was a bully narcissist.",5.3464804110468815,8.548726156069367,6.369894026974951,66.51209216441879,73.5664739884393,10.318432883750805,35.0446371226718,10.25414643259724,4.894289916506102,807,44,120,28,18,267,108,173,0.327,0.594,0.079,-0.9957,2,0,0,0,3,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,1,8,1,4,7,0,15,2,0,4,1,32,23,14,0,3,5,5,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,5,9,0,1,7,0,0,2,1,7,0,0,4,5,17,1,18,14,5,11,0,2,1,0,12,4,0,5,5,79,22,0,0.0,0.5132415321838929,0.0,0.11805617006900385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16568884160193526,0.0,0.10739829861006572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058002466686416,0.0,0.0,0.22249502014745384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11702706952071118,0.0,0.1729274916585065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18654649292250156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24363178110234715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2437211478905062,0.05475657284788101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083165785373802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700992714108864,0.0,0.0,0.11511119007169222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260610746095484,0.0,0.09625645901257568,0.0,0.0,0.059515411770303076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958365591675354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841349438436912,0.0,0.0,0.07228691769949107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913462701472172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24049478288848936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945579236621575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531791924371112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11626695753974745,0.2453514117411761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842093373722032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071052858281971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648352703526375,0.0,0.0,0.11321213849492726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06939026100347434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743995019547306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shorthairdontcare420,2019/07/08,"Is this normal/has anyone felt this? Triggering material NSFW I'm extremely paranoid as a person since my PTSD. Lots of stalking and manipulative behavior has made it worse. I'm terrified currently of someone who just won't leave me alone. They haven't really shown violence or anything but they won't go away after a seven month break up. The paranoia of them trying to control my life is so scary and so much. I feel like idk who to trust anymore. I just want him to go away. I have PTSD from some child abuse and he knew this and abused that to make me this scared person against him. I just want to be alone but he keeps sending manipulative messages to try and get me to respond, making fake accounts, contacting friends. He doesn't seem to know why this behavior is bad and instead flips it on me being bad because of my PTSD and past. Has anyone else dealt with this? Anything that helps? I'm trying for a restraining order (after many chances for him to stop) but idk if it will work. I feel so hopeless.",2.7175380710659915,5.192366578680208,3.6454086294416257,86.4707525380711,78.64467005076142,6.579593908629441,25.078426395939086,7.734863291789972,1.4511078172588827,804,30,155,13,20,257,118,197,0.22,0.6629999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.9839,1,2,0,0,2,1,20.0,0,0,3,2,7,8,0,1,4,0,13,1,0,7,0,36,31,16,0,3,8,0,3,1,1,3,1,0,0,3,13,8,0,4,6,0,1,3,4,5,0,1,3,3,18,3,25,23,3,15,0,1,0,0,20,4,0,5,7,96,31,1,0.0,0.2866120760450075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505355620095841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994995493585113,0.1691421822512137,0.12392762520959105,0.19906318034229692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22727311739415146,0.0,0.20197648872828347,0.07373003129443105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565577198141526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103825150699912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231196453850335,0.08640674390928438,0.11613102090670965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09344571295042148,0.0,0.06319141203740601,0.0,0.13747740781970502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107027277127063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750596676361993,0.0,0.0,0.0664709874572203,0.0,0.0,0.12806864510316435,0.0,0.0,0.08543060120981022,0.05909008775769544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282741208200193,0.0,0.11444586708743515,0.16147020265166245,0.12262437254728273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654118047330412,0.0,0.08891220758007197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11850537438937513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546051388322842,0.0,0.21121784663058735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241524276905128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748370273997866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109210559378078,0.0,0.0,0.11010838807946748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005113588081176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102480589637828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111966229195517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463514452085192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267895303732872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913861262867827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805308100710342,0.0,0.12325843973965793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,deebeezkneez,2019/07/08,"Help me help my 7yo with a recent exacerbation of fight or flight, please. TIA! I'm raising 2 grandkids with PTSD. The oldest, 7, who felt responsible for 2 younger children during some hard years, has pretty bad fight or flight, much worse at night. Over the past couple of weeks, his hyper-vigilence and just plain panic has increased to the point where if I even say his sister's name, he jumps and runs. If I say, ""Darn, I forgot to buy milk!"" he might crumple into a heap and cover his head. They've lived with me 2 years, and we've been making slow but steady progress, so I think this might be a two-steps forward/one-step back situation. It's summer. I'm retired. So our summer is calm, lazy, low-pressure and unscheduled with plenty of hiking and camping (Montana), and so far it's felt like a sweet, healing summer. Thanks all. I learn a lot from this sub. My question is: Is there anything I can do to help when, as he describes it, ""My body is so afraid even though my mind tells me not to be.""? Currently, all I know to do is hug him, remind him he's safe, tell him that's why we're a team - so we can help each other as we need it, explain that his body and brain are learning to feel safe, so if he's up to it, trying to act as though he is safe will help his body learn. Sometimes we do a ""do-over"" if he wants to repeat the trigger and response in a calmer way. Sometimes he's just not up to it. But it tears at my heart that at any moment, something I say causes him to panic. (We don't fight or argue much. The house is pretty chill.) He's the sweetest, most empathic, most delightful companion. It's hard to watch him suffer for things he just cannot even fully comprehend at his age.",3.6075816522574438,4.3844115389048985,4.365176512968302,89.51829310758889,71.93948126801152,6.936071085494717,24.25660422670509,6.816661863887847,0.6663238232468784,1312,34,287,10,24,421,185,347,0.083,0.721,0.19699999999999998,0.9927,1,0,1,0,3,0,67.0,5,0,0,2,18,17,4,3,14,0,23,9,6,3,2,62,36,30,0,6,14,2,5,1,1,3,1,3,0,1,16,19,1,4,10,1,1,4,4,9,0,0,4,10,32,8,34,27,10,34,0,1,1,1,49,12,1,14,18,166,48,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865981496988942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830857770472742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763602550241454,0.08430174521683627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3364488106344128,0.0,0.11271058185292855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10371909781050116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1117161006254485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20005973585847456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051051051220951965,0.0,0.1938848981461195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808900192924396,0.0,0.10361944890279047,0.0,0.0,0.11964427727404693,0.3383743089532201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650031333244905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548784696884782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0493265087867841,0.0,0.08915414308632404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583702340033475,0.0,0.0,0.06739507142518814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214216295786972,0.10194609489108936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14844211457037915,0.0748644347117079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474902371081237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06841664918633343,0.0,0.0,0.2369218737793841,0.0,0.0,0.09638273132951926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108294973177432,0.09544477208721036,0.0,0.0,0.20543586213376672,0.0,0.0,0.1180229445430531,0.0,0.11310415852390047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969097875241713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408747971367223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11348914272221118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07772796260804746,0.1997143775977421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764961130374329,0.09295521370163276,0.0,0.0,0.06707680887949025,0.0646944391235888,0.19839564107289687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06854875996881245,0.0,0.0986283536086916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955190538508207,0.08014149573938878,0.08098821304189413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09110541106117802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289218956307497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13003658872892454 ptsd,RockClimbRanger,2019/07/08,"Help understanding a ?double episode? Can someone help me get a little better understanding on something I think I witnessed. I can only describe it as I think I saw 2 episodes triggered within a day of each other with the 2nd occurring while the Vet was still in the 1st episode. I volunteer in teaching and mentoring Vets in business concepts, management and networking. I visit the center every 3rd week for 5 hours each of Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. While at the center on a Wednesday, one of the regular clients was out in a common area and had a big trigger, I believe from something he was reading. It’s effect was dramatic and pretty debilitating. A couple friends got him home. I have read and heard often that it is not uncommon for the really bad parts of an episode to last 48 hours. To my surprise he returned the next day, still showing signs of the bad episode. I asked a therapist if that was unusual for him to come back the next day. The therapist told me that when this Vet has episodes, they are intense and long. But that he drives himself to try to carry on and will usually come back the next day and push through his activities, sessions and classes . On that next day, the Vet experienced another big, and I think different, trigger. His resulting emotional state was definitely worse than before. My question is, can I get some info/description on what it is like to have bad triggers so close together with the 2nd coming while the individual is still in the episode from the first trigger? Is it a compounding of the mental/physical health pain level... e.g. it the pain from the first is an 8 out of 10, and the second is a big trigger, does the pain stay the same, go to 10, or somehow go over 10? Does it turn a 48 hour episode into a much longer episode than just adding an additional 48 hours? Is it more incapacitating with the 2nd? Is a double like this rare? Anything else anyone might offer? Thank you very much in advance.",6.233516260162602,7.212399509485095,6.427388211382116,76.36596036585367,66.10027100271003,9.510433604336042,34.887195121951216,9.621722640351123,3.361878861788618,1565,72,281,31,24,501,192,369,0.065,0.853,0.081,0.2705,1,0,2,0,0,0,46.0,0,1,1,5,11,12,0,0,40,0,25,4,0,8,0,50,44,21,0,1,5,0,0,2,1,2,4,1,1,0,17,25,0,0,7,3,0,9,1,6,0,4,11,3,23,6,44,31,10,71,0,0,1,0,19,26,0,7,36,192,40,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883305026956415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890091140315145,0.0,0.06932039419685954,0.0,0.0787508153256693,0.0,0.0,0.12954707972804294,0.21100471407721025,0.0,0.0,0.07168002102898446,0.09490696562644277,0.0,0.07450134062048416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176897849720624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932073383520962,0.0,0.2716315214153191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880103971005293,0.0,0.0,0.14743384007829435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036973298008144,0.0947559987069522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097383868519436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433049746758112,0.0,0.0,0.06508178605999512,0.0,0.08802137260656234,0.0,0.09574837583562347,0.0,0.0673725301207192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895406644259345,0.0,0.0,0.11292541908529545,0.0,0.08449721391025057,0.0,0.3318283993042215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866491369382972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230850465559696,0.08442823798095526,0.0,0.07454765413173138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08489172085432048,0.08936281632712449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384870507474728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3583507121067245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057081600001482775,0.06406651555797095,0.2689043411478788,0.0,0.0,0.09122114731175444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569995642684791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436542730676782,0.0,0.16852085719031806,0.0,0.05396478453254505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137427282137497,0.1297004902546164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978610827964079,0.20181684685423426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755469450305756,0.0,0.19561276834869976,0.0,0.16192822099407814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049266796491178,0.0,0.05719182309675321,0.09162635492745216,0.0,0.17538869287120692,0.0,0.0,0.09277585141089408,0.06950486905229171,0.0,0.0,0.06757034781258657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584534433892439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,eemrhs,2019/07/08,"Confusing dreams NSFW, child seuxal assault TW, CW My dreams usually consist of flashbacks of my assault or end of the world apocalypse scenarios, I've never remembered any other dream I've had besides these two. However the last 3 nights I've been having vivid sex dreams about my rapist. The assaults occured as a child and I've never really dealt with them, but in the dreams I am an adult and it is consensual, where we even joke about what they did to me. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this. It's bringing back a lot of dark emotions I thought I had long burried. I feel embarrassed and disgusted with myself, how can I dream of this with someone who violated and fucked me up so thoroughly. Please help me, I'm too ashamed to confide in anyone I know.",5.164934210526319,5.9654845723684256,5.70905263157895,81.20436842105265,68.40789473684211,9.237894736842106,31.647368421052622,9.3871,2.7457163157894744,613,25,120,12,10,198,100,152,0.196,0.6659999999999999,0.138,-0.9198,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,2,0,9,11,7,3,7,0,10,3,0,2,2,23,17,11,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,9,9,0,0,5,7,0,1,3,10,0,1,5,2,17,1,19,12,1,14,0,0,1,3,9,5,1,4,8,80,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319937967474612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575223039141414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322783279562676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322556898463358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534117532382683,0.1995328472558333,0.0,0.0,0.14879653377477986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390926966848665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20826943532961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15100167179954666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24761802049256001,0.18363477143986975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19936734339897827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19152656825284084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34750249371532066,0.0,0.0,0.21141175028872414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472918146690068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14432131841922394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25520041403258736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908805759908483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17884862050655365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200676275900164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481161244146412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,s0ciety_a5under,2019/09/28,"The fire is the only thing left. I think we all have it, that burning rage inside us, the primal anger that makes no sense. Irrationally saying or doing things in a blind rage. These days it's all I've known. A seething black fire behind a smile. I'm trying, but everywhere I go, everything I do become so much more difficult. Little things just become the biggest insane issues. Its ruining everything I am. I know it, but at this point, there isn't anything else. I don't have fun anymore. Life isn't what it used to be, and it's looking more bleak as the days go by.",2.137344497607657,4.296332973684212,3.35708133971292,89.45275119617224,78.91228070175438,6.250717703349283,20.889952153110045,7.348242739294969,0.6312210526315796,445,12,91,6,11,144,79,114,0.252,0.733,0.015,-0.9737,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,0,0,3,6,3,0,8,0,10,2,0,2,2,13,18,6,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,14,2,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,5,0,0,0,6,8,1,6,17,5,10,0,1,3,0,3,6,0,1,2,59,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18631910428357906,0.0,0.0,0.15460311542864924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149809812311527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24232452770059246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15694342302363354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3376954994933116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135446194864717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960901498428711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324984991030356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20412409450287505,0.0,0.13269995061133652,0.0,0.18829766871981288,0.0,0.0,0.15776563994431764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12540639778745688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381079541468284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428855535903612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17760030224744952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494038064797874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3744425578356492,0.12038115541394045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275531411822641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22598756679190676,0.16226157767900334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Cannibal_Girl6666,2019/09/28,"Why cant I be normal?? I started work at a fast food place recently. For money and to learn how to deal with people better. It's already been about 2 months but every moment feels like I want to have a panic attack. I cry so much because i have to deal with really nasty people, and not the customers. My hands hurt and crack and bleed. And my body hurts. But it's nothing compared to what my boyfriend has to deal with everyday. Hes so strong and cool and I'm worthless. If i was stronger i wouldnt feel pain or cry everytime someone tells me i fucked up and i need to stop. I wish i didnt have the memory of a goldfish and i could remeber all the stupid sandwiches. Why can't I remeber the right things to say?? Why cant I remeber to get the paper work from work and not feel like my job is at risk?? Why cant i not freak out when i mess up? Why do I cry myself to sleep because when I finally not a burden to my boyfriend I still feel like I am. And maybe he should be with someone who would vent to him all the time and take better care of him. I feel so selfish for wanting him to stay. He wants to. He loves me, but I dont want to be a burden anymore. To anyone. I want to be useful. I hate being useless.",0.4622192749778975,2.315638164750961,2.4759578544061287,95.19078912466844,83.06130268199234,5.547951665193045,20.000147362216328,6.67199483983844,0.09304762746831716,935,26,219,10,26,313,133,261,0.239,0.5760000000000001,0.185,-0.9753,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,6,8,25,4,2,11,1,25,9,3,2,2,49,46,23,0,13,9,0,6,3,0,3,2,1,0,0,5,17,2,1,6,0,1,0,11,16,0,0,3,8,36,9,32,34,3,20,0,4,0,2,14,7,1,2,15,139,41,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022217061099314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186604465366836,0.0647704422891147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538226317055363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11293520453313885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638509377246262,0.0,0.10289326021845677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944444889784017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07395910771466503,0.0,0.3052556791457796,0.0,0.2864985474763638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856400420327797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804644806141926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341875910245485,0.1985289398047763,0.0,0.1014738189212093,0.0,0.0,0.11201097186821043,0.0,0.0,0.08563678353102089,0.048396392337631725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09145491398991704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198328925617974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192295825730876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13576593613830135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360398896347654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306128609252098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393797189020578,0.0,0.06809517215888368,0.06868544799466926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090759684079716,0.08888289418573751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09856697004453714,0.10868368340012703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12843871896322884,0.0,0.09678071544979357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059342425761220126,0.0,0.09146291644363387,0.0,0.0,0.0791072146465446,0.0,0.07366467765221979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269888926113774,0.0,0.15697357166724754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655654003895608,0.09873337790796093,0.07397602810519434,0.07744449271735529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06964772944800376,0.0,0.08096444353034044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06154057912388253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054014459196439775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08000429906504086,0.0,0.0,0.27318374312594906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4179298219222974,0.0,0.10652221874818713,0.0,0.0,0.2023115792586415,0.0,0.0,0.06580310905165743,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LeonardoMcdouchebag,2019/09/28,"How to deal with mocking for PTSD? This sounds ridiculous but it's happened for maybe the third time in my life today where someone found my trigger, I told them I have PTSD and it's why I can't do x, y, or z. And they just mocked me for it incessantly. I've had this happen with anonymous people online a few times but it's just so egregious sometimes (movie villain levels of mean) that idk what to do. I get the shakes and I feel unsafe, not as bad as a full on attack but I have no idea how to cope/avoid it.",-0.2959501965924005,1.922486174311932,1.3033093053735278,99.58571100917429,90.92660550458716,3.4812581913499345,16.96002621231979,4.65589566412798,-0.9657973787680209,399,10,92,1,14,128,78,109,0.18100000000000002,0.785,0.034,-0.9352,0,1,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,2,0,6,7,5,1,4,0,6,1,0,3,0,19,13,12,0,0,7,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,9,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,7,0,1,3,2,11,0,13,10,2,9,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,1,3,61,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346261508649781,0.0,0.0,0.1722005942386369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21262291332016534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428041951140203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22612995072197475,0.0,0.0,0.10775114244370046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3647521787745477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328182459780626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14567240362598965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719436737750613,0.2246542673951355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14297985897114202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4821637116012756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17474527401355575,0.0,0.2039752226473618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405187414091385,0.0,0.1954900527858686,0.19706979509006367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18609823417934332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,QuotesAreNice,2019/09/28,"PTSD over neighbours downstairs Every few days the neighbours that live directly below me yell at each other for over 30+ minutes. I can hear the yelling through the duct/ventilation system. It triggers PTSD memories of my dad yelling at me as a child as he abused me, and makes me extremely sick and anxious. I've filed a dozen complaints with the landlords over the last 6 months. I just phoned and filed another one 30 minutes and they said they'd go talk with them. I went downstairs to talk with landlords afterwards and he said ""Yeah, that isn't an issue, that's just how they talk"". I said no it isn't, they yell at each other, my walks shake sometimes from them throwing things. He said ""If it's before 10pm we don't do anything about noise complaints."" I said well I'm going to have to phone 911, as I've threatened to do in the past over this same issue. He said go ahead and basically he didn't care. I phoned 911 and told them I was having a PTSD crisis from the people downstairs yelling multiple times a week. They instantly freaked out and the lady on the other end started yelling frantically at me.. ""Sir do we need to call an ambulance for you? Are you going to harm yourself?""... I said no, the issue with is with the people downstairs... She continued ""Sir, are you going to kill yourself?""... I Said please lower your voice and calm down, the 911 dispatcher was talking so loud and frenzied that it was making my anxiety worse. Finally of the same exchange back and forth over 10minutes I convinced her I wasn't in any harm, and if they could PLEASE just do something about the people that live below me. I've been wanting to move out of this apartment for over a year but I live on disability and have no means of moving out, housing is so unaffordable and beyond my reach. I contemplate jumping off my balcony to escape this apartment, I have to hear daily yelling and screaming from these people below me and have PTSD triggered almost daily. I don't know what to do. The police and tenants won't do anything.",4.246477188350795,6.034476634271102,4.41854632456068,85.84876000330007,71.65984654731456,6.88659351538652,28.46968071941259,7.4822170145007005,1.6305270357231247,1608,62,305,18,31,500,184,391,0.109,0.86,0.031,-0.973,2,0,1,0,6,0,53.0,2,4,9,1,11,11,1,2,22,1,29,1,0,5,0,48,55,26,1,5,6,1,0,0,2,1,1,20,3,3,18,29,0,0,2,0,1,12,10,7,1,2,16,20,44,4,56,36,5,52,0,0,0,0,47,25,0,3,14,206,62,0,0.0,0.09094609433402774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768624008204337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05219831084603807,0.08048782372287411,0.05871992842943308,0.08671508825068709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12633116529953325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059022433920091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653157031938582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07837885848418373,0.0,0.07826025453545833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061285297401404974,0.0,0.0,0.049502786344566105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798511591344199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06467222129045462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408502161809504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21811769889286012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17302448044128854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885688312975336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24034732804116066,0.0,0.0,0.0849217427019674,0.0,0.04218438231340277,0.06256830087765408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20333709067259925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247359068141028,0.0,0.0,0.08361234673673276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126778346258345,0.16316395910414114,0.0,0.056915344675898184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05201344516932832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327453143202843,0.2128583032636065,0.0,0.0,0.1685152386279732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35890561889365485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.584118154404297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909232868488488,0.07591597185953466,0.0,0.054329955921299966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24678181996396464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050994837693451436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04475841175100444,0.0,0.0,0.07334589380145498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04527406416879496,0.0,0.06157091919166807,0.0,0.06901497586962517,0.07115576039967887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822331733340981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049429861432102144 ptsd,onelongclimb,2019/09/28,Zoloft and increased stress symptoms Anyone experience a worsening of symptoms at 150mg of Zoloft after increasing from 125mg? I’m 4wks post increase. Thanks!,4.296666666666667,7.4660082962963035,3.9974814814814814,76.02066666666668,95.66666666666669,6.604444444444448,31.325925925925933,7.554174236665415,3.3604725925925933,132,7,18,3,5,40,23,27,0.185,0.573,0.242,0.2003,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23512021740217184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289259736012519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3220433168766077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38518372236593656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6990040202451795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095822492000061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WOTBOI9000,2019/09/28,"So I was just berated by several people and called manipulative for telling the story of what caused my PTSD saying I was manipulating for sympathy. I guess I dont deserve sympathy and I'm not allowed to bring up what happened even after the person told me ""you can tell me about it if you want"" I bought a gun last week as flea market. Im Gonna visit my bestfriend and then my sidter thi next 1-2 weeks for thr last timr and then I'm going camping for a week and blowing my brains out. I dont care anymore.",1.7324528301886808,3.7070007358490606,3.7949433962264174,86.73449056603776,79.37735849056604,6.504150943396226,23.807547169811322,7.554174236665415,1.083452075471698,402,14,85,6,10,137,75,106,0.076,0.86,0.064,-0.3022,1,0,0,1,0,0,7.0,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,5,1,1,4,0,15,16,10,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,4,1,14,1,12,11,0,14,0,0,0,0,9,2,0,2,9,50,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721236993102396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19374902729031504,0.1772229463763063,0.0,0.176954770216925,0.1782927031504052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4068192570137922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11463395475772616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863746934363192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911945924468086,0.0,0.15347747931625885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747329375698296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829471836090767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18458175959233772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203238232687772,0.15154485527669598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288095693617594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802092899283322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960720496863235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.303396093422222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658428772182301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236948077067116,0.0,0.417655216774309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,g10644278,2019/09/28,"I don’t know who I am without trauma Tw: hospitals/medical stuff/death At the age of 6 I had an NDE and it caused me to develop PTSD surrounded anything to do with hospitals and medicine. Now I’m 18 and in college and I’m trying desperately to recover from what happened but it is still as clear as it was almost 12 years ago. It happened when I was so young I don’t even know who I am without trauma. My parents say I was a completely different person before I got sick. Can I ever even really get better and recover when it’s ingrained into my the way I developed as a child? I just want to be able to live my life. I’m scared I’ll never recover.",1.4071869736103328,3.323058927007299,4.195912408759123,83.75014037057835,80.16788321167883,8.01100505334082,25.86692869174621,8.841846274778883,2.1811913531723754,511,21,106,13,13,182,87,137,0.078,0.816,0.106,0.3983,2,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,9,4,0,1,5,0,12,2,0,1,3,19,22,12,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,8,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,1,15,1,16,16,0,15,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,10,72,23,1,0.1766029264511935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654783868814307,0.0,0.17684232060099794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14532916092479442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15027608298981468,0.0,0.0,0.15619093696148914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814198529803764,0.0,0.0,0.18516480837279345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18451247012466265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2332891346782918,0.15974745768345466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226774005376268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124549326737867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123387692413384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411269962409547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473986972149652,0.0,0.0,0.15594361957200478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19616603900738824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620706410423172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19609665027676604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.154202863484759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643937036968668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11313635686101445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1404417354364278,0.17681033800725926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410353251912232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20216809890664855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119901794539809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10416498164496203,0.14017918282736286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3404778380176473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372649448018354 ptsd,kittenattack776,2019/09/28,"Random severe flashbacks I've never been professionally seen(I've tried but it just never worked out). I can't say that I have ptsd or what is wrong with me but I didn't know where else to go. My mother died 2 years ago. It was unexpected. She had cancer but was doing very very well. One day she just didn't wake up. 2 months later my sister was in a fatal car crash and died. I've been up and down and all sorts of everywhere struggling with anxiety, depression, even suicidal thoughts. But I feel like I am in a better place now. Things are going well and I feel okay. But over the past month I've been having severe flashbacks. I'll be laying in bed and out of nowhere I'm at the grocery store holding my phone and hearing the words ""she was in an accident, she didn't make it"". Or I'll be driving and suddenly my mind changes to my boyfriend sitting me on the couch, telling me while I was gone he went into mom's room to wake her.. And she didn't wake up. Every detail of those moments are tattooed into my mind but it plays out so vividly. Having those strange flashbacks were normal for awhile but they would happen far in between. I used to have nightmares very regularly as well. But that all finally slowed down. But now these flashbacks are coming back and when it happens it sends me into a panic and I feel like they're dying all over again and I'm helpless to do anything. I get sick. I don't understand why this is happening again. For the most part I have felt so happy with my life lately. I guess I just thought I was over this part of the trauma and now I'm concerned my mental health will go downhill the way it did before...",1.8667505315379167,4.157265512048198,2.826066619418853,92.19310063784552,80.6265060240964,5.3516654854712975,21.81289865343728,6.522977012572876,0.3702190644932673,1298,40,269,12,34,411,179,332,0.19399999999999998,0.7190000000000001,0.086,-0.9925,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,1,2,17,16,0,2,11,1,35,7,3,2,5,61,60,28,5,2,14,3,4,2,0,2,4,2,3,0,16,22,0,1,8,1,1,9,8,7,3,1,21,7,34,9,37,35,6,58,0,2,1,0,16,25,0,6,24,183,50,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943024520686098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717828479767737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830214112575679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757588158526398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584741292582025,0.0,0.0,0.08922635986933808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672507707184188,0.08690522404038242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506377383226629,0.0,0.08689383195381435,0.0,0.31411435815628186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08427814944666387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06663491713845111,0.0,0.0850016552600439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15303450731889845,0.14414739700601076,0.09686734864658003,0.11051678568476164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270929759770535,0.0,0.17200923435862975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113841315113797,0.0,0.2676421433371505,0.1073960957484218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723817156132336,0.11370698999161613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055444861042541566,0.0,0.11380493908374127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712594771652395,0.09857659198535447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06734286108126697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167037494614373,0.0,0.20373423637214064,0.1181576441658818,0.1610540941540908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556205597448554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09884784726632727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836364743548708,0.0,0.0,0.11836916628799307,0.0,0.21850159607717426,0.09630806451124367,0.0,0.0,0.10540545040576134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793151325000935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08022939787994729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22794720485090586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546900543015847,0.0,0.11035401186714164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08817969155843401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06702484509064524,0.0,0.0,0.16018602994904504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849565587295414,0.0,0.0,0.10502693305116406,0.0,0.0871339826137424,0.0,0.24972704143631946,0.0,0.08007941085741704,0.0,0.0,0.2721286080604742,0.09352326693860599,0.09103483253452918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344694320884798,0.0,0.0,0.07166723572412048,0.11030410547941387,0.0,0.06496792528793857 ptsd,RolltehDie,2019/09/28,"Does anyone else get triggered by a concept? I get triggered by negligence. When someone neglects to do something, especially when they neglect to take care of someone they should be responsible for. Or when someone is intentionally cruel to others, especially when they should be taking care of them. For context I lost everything I owned, and almost my life in a house fire that was caused either by the landlord’s negligence or intentionally",8.666447368421053,10.336689592105266,8.348526315789478,62.280684210526346,60.97368421052632,10.290526315789474,40.2,10.355215969177356,4.7514400000000006,363,19,51,8,5,116,51,76,0.175,0.7240000000000001,0.102,-0.7402,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,4,1,4,6,1,0,3,0,7,1,0,5,0,14,14,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,8,2,11,8,2,5,0,3,0,0,4,1,0,3,4,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20676130995844053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437660561190566,0.2115646095038696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42104312570810604,0.21211329011749366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18069327685898745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.172488726293915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18557218091903505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21575603323442466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382518290490063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14584392910028515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22539885473775936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5248530961144107,0.15895948027859935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31049665282180944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NotACombatVet,2019/09/28,"Going Back to the Stressor So I'm not a Military Vet, but did a decade in the intel community - which definitely has resulted in some PTSD, then anxiety, then depression. I eventually couldn't take the months of nightsweats, waking up screma etc, and walked away from that life (benefit of no contract for sure). I'm just starting to get better, find medications and strategies that work etc. There's definitely been a time in the past month where I went full PTSD-rage-panic and blacked out etc, all caused by new triggers etc. But we've moved passed the all morning and all evening, and then all day crying etc. Losing it and ending up walking around the city for hours just out of it etc. Generally on the right path where I'm starting to look for work again. The problem is, with the very specific skillset and limited amount of financial runway me and my family have - I'm faced with the reality of having to get back into that life. There's not much support on the civilian side once you leave if you have any issues like this - so my question I guess is to all you combat vets who suffer(ed) from PTSD, and went back. I know with the training I've had and my mental fortitude (I hope) I'll be able to accomplish the mission for the length of time I'll be on the hook for - and we're not talking a 2 year stint down-range. But have you found going back/re-upping to be a mistake? Did it make things worse on the other end? Or did it help you cope with the ""I left everybody behind and everybody down"" part of it?",4.230143380109824,5.59349729194631,4.8189017693715686,84.63938377059183,71.0469798657718,8.236973764490543,26.968273337400852,8.710501217029153,1.838826845637584,1195,40,242,21,22,382,168,298,0.126,0.805,0.069,-0.943,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,5,0,6,14,10,0,0,22,0,16,5,2,4,6,52,36,22,0,5,10,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,13,20,0,1,4,0,0,8,5,4,0,0,8,2,15,6,42,24,16,49,0,2,2,0,9,21,0,6,21,160,28,3,0.08999260934411336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06119806033206504,0.0,0.06884409982764303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011250185740601,0.0,0.0,0.08455101885434269,0.2767950466934477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959114979304092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244719940154283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885265563712277,0.05803778812413474,0.0,0.07751050256062261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594134813145606,0.0,0.6021932873438007,0.05943926973127427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483702295250256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225161458693779,0.0,0.0,0.09867225115089934,0.0,0.0,0.09403484814864856,0.0,0.1022897475415116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913700504902946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060320149080568736,0.0,0.0,0.08938296668629415,0.08862459257325661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09392890334132332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049457584585468777,0.0,0.0,0.0952891793884148,0.09777723336720036,0.0,0.12712888275477802,0.04396584322325346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755711266312267,0.10067871063809188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060070765541259626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065808621151128,0.09069138373125464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366248439779425,0.09564790173695556,0.06615492255026684,0.0,0.0,0.08691542288398811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583919191043952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745322620391413,0.08590812849495558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611077337495082,0.3155896334944068,0.0,0.100812318241589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685319666860926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273944641663635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212254662303033,0.084816969288042,0.0,0.0676632425083535,0.07233265053134295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05978709086952338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495082841989252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07425332749737965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668481009187305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103138281863774,0.0,0.09171015720535776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057952289894013014 ptsd,tinyshardsofme,2019/09/28,"Emotionally exhausted :( I am so, so tired. This illness, condition... I feel so worn down. I wish I was somebody I’m not, someone who could take all of the trauma and “turn it into something good” but I’m drowning. I spend most of my day talking myself down off of whatever ledge I’m on, trying to seem like I’ve got my shit together. I’m going to therapy but I still feel so fucking anxious and genuinely scared most of the time. I’m trying so hard and today it feels like it’s all for nothing. I know I’ll feel better after I sleep but getting there is also very difficult these days.",0.9475630252100836,3.3483543025210096,3.1939075630252134,87.30329831932775,85.80672268907563,6.089075630252101,23.62605042016807,7.447530270364453,1.3083008403361345,458,18,91,8,14,156,78,119,0.228,0.664,0.10800000000000001,-0.9309,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,8,10,2,1,2,0,4,6,2,0,2,20,23,12,1,2,4,0,5,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,6,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,3,5,11,4,13,19,4,12,0,0,0,1,2,5,2,3,8,55,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009902934621452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19791433920525756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15494093085967825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987460986180392,0.0,0.0,0.2259655486916077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1970646772516861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35432442538826564,0.12515545801608965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16195992699687686,0.09152931540306772,0.0,0.09956426526501218,0.14694069269774768,0.140115096511509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693543671330196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627960160984912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711775415421172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809910951850027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753953135143412,0.0,0.0,0.15948599748148098,0.0,0.0,0.17982956773461714,0.0,0.0,0.1753160816927107,0.0,0.14843754727463054,0.1348694837276627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13990661042396765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172074792849764,0.14081073378153394,0.0,0.0,0.20034453193867552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215444237302827,0.20135462996263254,0.16605922029039444,0.0,0.0,0.23788442555184186,0.19055593638318133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14454973589134498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014593503007068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ProtectorOfTheWolves,2019/07/09,"I think I might have ptsd I was stung by wasps once and was very afraid of them ever since. I would break down if I was near a wasp (I would start crying and screaming), and I sometimes refuse to go outside because of the memory. Before the stings, however, I had no fear of wasps what so ever. Another thing to add on, ever since then, I have also been very afraid of spiders and hornets too, and I have a very large reaction to suddenly seeing a bug. Honeybees and bumble bees don’t scare me though. Could I have PTSD?",2.64431623931624,4.479717961538462,3.666666666666668,89.35611111111113,76.11538461538461,6.92991452991453,22.132478632478627,7.793537801064563,0.9041081196581192,404,11,84,6,9,130,67,104,0.141,0.8590000000000001,0.0,-0.9169,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,4,5,0,14,0,0,0,3,17,18,11,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,2,7,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,5,2,13,0,11,9,0,11,0,0,1,0,2,3,0,2,6,61,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116195727869098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198300683279494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998142788309576,0.0,0.13956385586166276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095185376145654,0.0,0.18016170597754075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450802292986003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845613777834609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321295064009408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399296258894725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466958477552008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834472386720398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642066524329723,0.0,0.13069794369779691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27134819424509754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16221406547144746,0.0,0.11608997172802088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10896363094207606,0.1050935652191227,0.1611429477304318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40598624498904734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330217164551645,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,c21h30o2--,2019/07/09,"Anyone else have “nightmares” from their childhood that turned out to be real events? Trigger warning: vague mentions of domestic violence If this isn’t the place to post this, I’m sorry. I was diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety disorder a few years after a trauma I suffered when I was ten, but I had symptoms before then and I didn’t know why. I had “memories” of my father yelling at and abusing my mother from my really early childhood and my mom said I was afraid of him for most of my childhood because of it but until she told me this I had always thought the memories were bad dreams or that I had made it up. Her telling me that these things did in fact happen confirms that they weren’t dreams at all because I never told her about them but the stuff she described is exactly what happened in those “dreams.” I’m sorry if my writing doesn’t make sense. Has anything like this happened to anyone else?",5.8917045454545445,6.470743397727276,5.8693181818181825,81.4802272727273,66.72727272727272,8.445454545454545,32.47727272727273,8.296473431620573,2.4371318181818187,722,29,134,9,11,227,109,176,0.134,0.789,0.077,-0.6662,1,0,0,0,2,0,10.0,0,0,3,0,2,5,0,1,5,0,17,2,0,3,4,24,30,13,0,2,6,3,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,15,6,0,0,2,3,0,0,5,4,0,1,16,2,26,1,21,13,3,19,0,1,0,0,17,7,0,4,12,101,41,0,0.0,0.16801308785394342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799125942265842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847872650535936,0.0,0.0,0.1983035796573924,0.290587378859779,0.11669159258343224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839938502733305,0.17288329781889553,0.0,0.12066370809335432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439268207695658,0.0,0.0,0.16251825302389614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369160275631725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3761871482955356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793109075860838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06927766786889958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341772041626221,0.09465444624059613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607768363328546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936703363794592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14815370744135675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13580785022866634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16575984301475338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16140259027061812,0.09084248183357477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13488690128979688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3174731699862506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16233023903020954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473873673445394,0.0,0.0,0.12394186614758998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420745561672543,0.0,0.0,0.11257555527681737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709972360930544,0.0,0.0,0.1542406877943518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12795493870928282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131633097841277 ptsd,slayinscience,2019/07/09,"PTSD rearing it's ugly head -- advice? I was abused sexually as a child and have dealt with depression, anxiety, and PTSD symptoms my entire life (24F). Through a combo of therapy and meds, I have been PTSD symptom free for at least a year. However, I recently saw a picture of my abuser and now I'm having flashbacks, nightmares, insomnia, the whole package. For a bit I was unable to leave my house without hyperventilating. However, I've been self medicating (on top of my normal meds) with wax (marijuana) every night to at least help with the nightmares and insomnia. It's definitely helpful, but I can't shake the anxiety during the day or the occasional flashback. I'm also a terrible skin picker and it's very clear from the open sores I have all over that I'm struggling a bit. I've been recommended by friends to unpack my trauma with my therapist, but I just don't know if it's worth trying to do that. It's pretty well buried, minus the small blips of PTSD. Idk what I hope to gain from this post. Support and advice, I suppose? Idk just feeling more on edge today.",3.726688241639697,5.875420805825247,5.198576051779939,78.17519956850055,73.95145631067963,8.072923408845739,28.434735706580373,8.841846274778883,2.488365480043149,850,35,154,18,18,285,123,206,0.127,0.6779999999999999,0.196,0.9471,2,0,0,0,2,0,33.0,0,0,0,2,5,10,0,2,14,0,12,9,2,0,2,25,20,13,0,3,7,0,2,0,1,0,7,0,0,2,9,12,0,0,2,0,2,1,3,5,1,0,6,3,15,6,26,14,7,16,0,1,1,0,5,8,0,3,6,97,24,0,0.0,0.2727917281517845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249837208332412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205972737640916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1761297268509622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.251357820285682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424150940262095,0.0,0.09915086171699504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699177924255803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05820705924278397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893978884587579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11814415681442425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432217732192585,0.0,0.0,0.11433803003452407,0.0,0.1328305779756734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326577648306514,0.0,0.0,0.12189321364904275,0.0,0.0,0.08131116337683708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557400273437672,0.115969153502193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803033246977983,0.11279108096574204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11025110791565956,0.11711627000645315,0.0,0.0,0.5382665673458935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136650189845955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009305554899408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120346203380614,0.0,0.0,0.13063440648559926,0.0,0.2393031111993524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316473288765659,0.13366073187091534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091182902523503,0.0,0.0,0.07815748426521123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498430746157577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10350479959415193,0.0,0.0,0.1285250023861032,0.0,0.11096952872828868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413214069887378 ptsd,ga2elle,2019/07/09,"Fear when attracted to someone So, ladies and gentlemen, is there anyone here that experiences some symptoms of great fear when being around a particular individual you fancy? I haven't had that issue before, but since I was attacked 2 yrs ago (and successfuly fled the attacker, fortunatelly) by a man, I have been living in celibacy. I used to have this crippling fear around men after that, like my limbs would feel cut by fear and I avoided them. Thanks to therapy, I no longer feel like that, however, a part of it shows up if I find someone sexually attractive. Has anyone dealt with this? I would like to overcome it, but I get scared and just act totally disinterested and aloof.",6.9557800000000025,7.988799248000003,7.30695,70.50522500000002,64.52,10.73,33.225,10.686352973137794,3.7022200000000014,546,22,95,14,8,178,87,125,0.22399999999999998,0.629,0.147,-0.912,1,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,1,0,8,16,3,6,4,0,11,1,0,1,1,21,17,11,0,3,4,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,8,8,0,1,3,1,0,2,2,9,0,0,4,2,12,7,14,10,3,10,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,2,7,67,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221839392898776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19275728465672576,0.0,0.0,0.2454078149972801,0.0,0.31361834475461386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728890002324133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483076492736673,0.0,0.6204185418451827,0.13938877843290015,0.0984705832117359,0.0,0.0,0.1259802686708429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720139993219658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196547488591555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438657288166687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020201829260591,0.0,0.12171235263353868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926374006959908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13799860659806054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401996251037493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335772180031237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326513304056596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690153656935965,0.1576283065557352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11904667394276555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1958305080911818,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,StonedApeHypothesis,2019/07/09,"How do you deal with this? I've read that this is semi common symptom, where you just feel worthless as shit. I've been experiencing this the hardest lately and I wonder how you people deal with this, if you have a way?",2.5888636363636373,4.627948340909093,3.7181818181818183,87.99727272727276,76.95454545454545,5.3090909090909095,20.090909090909093,5.985473137389443,-0.01807272727272702,173,4,35,1,4,56,32,44,0.153,0.847,0.0,-0.782,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,4,0,0,4,2,1,0,2,0,4,2,1,2,0,9,6,5,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,2,5,0,3,5,0,4,0,1,0,0,6,1,1,2,2,25,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6160899607434126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15107995314302072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3370542728978229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20714713744888555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29887630003154303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30670922714181464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105628707007673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23716991387141656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.324030910808498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,geminthesurf,2019/07/09,"Triggering noise. My son has recently taken up making a specific noise that is triggering the heck out of me. It's a a funny noise and meant to be endearing. He knows I have PTSD, he doesn't know all the details and I'm not sure how to go about telling him that that particular sound is triggering me, without hurting him.",3.8100000000000014,5.407093750000001,5.073875000000001,81.48362500000003,72.4375,9.495,29.9875,9.888512548439397,3.0050037500000006,256,11,51,7,5,85,48,64,0.032,0.884,0.084,0.4932,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,5,2,15,13,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,1,6,1,7,10,1,4,0,1,0,0,6,2,1,0,1,33,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20036336469387672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3774140918657584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3875065994528936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353311254131169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4121142952525484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3481024610142841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33227598577839185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081458928213001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398474428895998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tootoestoo,2019/07/09,"I want to see a therapist and I have NO clue how to go about it. A year ago, I was stuck in a very abusive relationship. I have been experiencing nightmares, flashbacks, and panic attacks every day and it hasn't improved, it has only gotten worse. I've decided it's time to see a psychologist/therapist/counselor, I don't really know the difference. All I know is that I want to improve. I strongly believe I that have some type of PTSD as it's getting really hard for me to function every day. How can I reach out to find help? Where should I check, who should I call?",3.371491228070173,4.918563342105269,5.083333333333336,81.17833333333336,73.47368421052632,8.224561403508767,28.456140350877188,8.841846274778883,2.265498245614036,447,18,89,9,9,152,73,114,0.209,0.6890000000000001,0.102,-0.9317,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,1,1,5,0,12,0,0,2,1,16,22,6,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,4,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,4,4,13,1,12,16,2,9,0,0,2,0,4,3,0,1,5,59,21,1,0.0,0.20564502351129968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385406230760287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19745416883396008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554725428543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772283055561421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2238689134755788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813374960202479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.292470403818704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15863440169192658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906800550309258,0.0,0.09864045211729396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15547930162916554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163363273464962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907725308310153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200328475685108,0.0,0.2036400218208808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028870920081613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223791557087537,0.0,0.0,0.18634284030063147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2766161604931747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.403042490098351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120659610799697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14320852229266898,0.20474515279894592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17687659981394285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176956075794522 ptsd,LadyInTeal,2019/07/09,"Memory loss or Repressed Memories So I don’t know if I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD. I saw a therapist specifically about my traumatic experiences but we never discussed a diagnosis. Not sure if that matters. I feel like this might be convoluted because I don’t know how to ask what I’m curious about. Anyway...I know that memory loss can occur with trauma. I remember bits and pieces of what happened and have like “flashbulb” memories. However, in the years immediately following the events I remembered everything clearly. At that time, I would intentionally push the thoughts away. So I feel like my memories are “repressed” not really lost due to the trauma. I guess it’s sort of semantics but it’s helpful for me to have words to describe my internal experience. So I guess that’s my question. If the memories are “gone” because I intentionally tried to forget them, then it’s repression not memory loss, right?",5.079454545454546,7.737142278787888,6.578787878787883,67.48818181818183,71.66666666666666,11.187878787878788,33.42424242424242,10.93419730881044,4.7978969696969695,736,37,119,28,15,250,99,165,0.16899999999999998,0.6970000000000001,0.134,-0.6399,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,1,4,7,13,0,3,7,0,11,1,0,3,3,40,26,13,0,4,9,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,5,0,3,9,0,0,3,6,9,0,0,5,3,18,4,15,18,2,13,0,4,1,0,6,4,0,9,9,79,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14688325257230042,0.0,0.14761666061721854,0.0,0.0,0.1915542169118329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17153114907286526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15947052024658115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412066928637003,0.30738128858622754,0.0,0.0,0.1588862243429601,0.2244889344932968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34616433550353193,0.0,0.13893810740764131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531226111592867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2590423005290212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23027839448099696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715118435056332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16667638381733238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117837147248753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18366144864601866,0.0,0.17600707796957948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006532191917496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559660276499487,0.13417712055631553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808098044972146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824250297657776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247334045944408,0.0916162278720991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667217808794577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161145965831673,0.0,0.0,0.10117824273664326 ptsd,SlowPomegranate,2019/10/28,"Over a year into PTSD I think i've been trying to make mine less of a big deal or look at things, its led to and see them as ""Oh, I created this interest or discovered this bit about myself"" In order to cope more. Thing is, I know I did. Fight/Flight tries to throw it away and i've been letting myself see it as a bad thing to open up about. Its since led me to some really dark corners of my mind. Today i've only just started putting my focus into better areas of my life to at first I thought it was just to get to a certain place. Now I realise that's it's so much more. The clouded judgement of toxic thoughts and completely accepting that im going through the paces of my own PTSD. I think its been like not wanting to tell those close to me to not burden them, even my own little sister, whom I have just told and so I thank this subreddit for helping me harness my own power. That's what triggered all of this. I think or I know that i've been building up the biggest excuses to not be real and serious with it. Slowing down has been a big issue with it. I keep saying how the work i've been doing is so powerful. I get it, it is tremendously powerful, but if you're only covering a tiny percentage like i've been doing. It's not cowardice, its like less than cowardice. It's certainly not a weakness. But you're not being honest with yourself. It's only honourable to admit defeat and work through the pain. Through this, I discovered a spiritual gift that i'll be honest im not super comfortable with yet but spending quality time around those that have either been where I am at open circles, places of spiritual natures etc. I'll reach for what im aiming for, even if I don't wholeheartedly understand what that is yet. &#x200B; I think thats all for me, thankyou.",2.8838581952117863,4.5681801298342535,4.273458563535911,85.9160626151013,75.04972375690608,7.257605893186003,26.15506445672192,8.021203637495839,1.5803643462246777,1405,51,284,22,30,465,178,362,0.078,0.797,0.125,0.8740000000000001,3,0,0,0,1,0,39.0,0,0,2,10,16,20,0,0,13,0,25,3,0,5,4,60,47,20,0,3,19,1,0,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,37,16,0,1,11,0,1,5,8,6,0,1,13,4,32,14,49,30,14,39,0,1,3,0,11,24,0,6,12,204,69,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886611808735426,0.13330447597150785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766136315709567,0.0,0.0,0.10307214936732187,0.0,0.09159970635147616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702580750585303,0.11977024913354835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502437595637514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11310179566937065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223508939772538,0.14491920667640226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331564218660124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146334372482032,0.0,0.06234829739608048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353344170343103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3555030583437536,0.1145042849428462,0.0,0.09751149798258828,0.0,0.0,0.12058280585648005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121815468750984,0.07748840504674898,0.16079004207770173,0.1099539672464122,0.0,0.0,0.09212518734291424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07322943002194318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077151880645204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064633816218636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25030846509583377,0.11673463691796836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292382868944445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564802670472149,0.1102845646481856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486914412387523,0.07028030304611617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08724240377405867,0.0,0.0,0.17484253436391808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907497176975197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765028391760727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958876479058764,0.10100230139966036,0.0,0.0,0.21865084692677175,0.28118002117520474,0.0,0.17418819875340222,0.06397029633525064,0.0,0.10398820926834153,0.10482853117207863,0.0,0.14896598564479133,0.0,0.0,0.11420753916303357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06470728490748942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973416340441526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13330447597150785,0.07064689652556742 ptsd,thepennywitch,2019/10/28,"Major flare up coping I had a massive episode earlier and I’ve managed to calm myself down enough to get out semi-coherent thoughts. I currently live with my abusers and I am stuck continuously living through one of the sources of my CPTSD. This house has become my own personal hell. I can’t let the other people in my home know that I am distressed, it’s hard to explain. Sorry for the vagueness but I am really desperate to calm down and not immediately breakdown every time my fears creep back into my head aka every five minutes or so. I don’t know how to cope, I usually talk to friends but currently that is just making me even more upset. Any suggestion or comment is appreciated, thank you so much. I’m sorry for the mess of a post",5.017310344827589,6.124155593103452,6.178103448275862,76.59474137931036,68.93103448275862,9.110344827586207,31.74137931034483,9.3871,2.906296551724138,591,25,110,12,10,198,103,145,0.162,0.731,0.106,-0.561,3,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,6,9,1,3,6,0,10,1,1,2,0,18,19,10,0,0,6,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,5,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,3,1,17,4,19,15,5,13,1,0,0,0,7,6,1,2,6,77,22,1,0.0,0.20806494429975375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941841723112465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503053117284716,0.0,0.0,0.1939435426408424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1814484197403181,0.0,0.11598641319949746,0.0,0.29591203930359844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19760609335232454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567311837221452,0.0,0.09174712948048301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573088989992476,0.0,0.18022289439258246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17614760133349386,0.0,0.0,0.20262628192622345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19301744006996224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17956950700493546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3101274497065012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721867823710395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909095648022026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11899548464661715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174341112884868,0.15333279079073409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818245027352227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249799741306583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3931541183701013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14114582380087615,0.0,0.16167483845533312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13941191687725474,0.10239754127004687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19340571045407107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,greyetch,2019/10/28,"Help sleeping? Reoccurring nightmares stop my partner from being able to sleep. And my partner wakes up in an awful mood (obviously). My partner just can't shake the thoughts of what happened afterward. It just sticks with my partner. Partner and I have tried melatonin (no help) and cannabis (big help, but hit or miss with blocking nightmares). Are there any dream blocking substances that we could try? I'm being vague on purpose because I have posted enough stuff on here that someone could identify me if they wanted too. I don't want any info on my partner in the public. Thanks. Please let me know if I am breaking the rules or need to reformat or anything. I just want to help. My partner is an amazing person who has been through a lot.",4.0487792642140485,6.5930894855072495,3.855797101449277,86.32560200668898,74.43478260869566,5.695429208472687,31.6298773690078,6.67199483983844,1.862211148272018,591,29,104,5,13,179,93,138,0.105,0.742,0.153,0.8861,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,1,0,6,5,0,1,6,1,14,3,3,0,1,29,25,9,0,8,9,0,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,8,6,6,0,3,3,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,15,2,14,17,2,12,0,1,0,0,16,7,0,6,2,73,21,0,0.1710534199657691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326443824968598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14076238993588713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427257715068926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731444741984107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767439082860125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126197436313502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586140070068431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400648617979117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491371113877272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14542350072671292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268339434946034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493572484761301,0.0,0.18776528874445106,0.0,0.0,0.1638218927946678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423539053999368,0.0,0.14493300764766762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300831835651132,0.0,0.0,0.19581524168863168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15748300735272738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135797308600399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322680878307575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026752168113107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RainbowSparkle717,2019/10/28,"Managing PTSD in a Child Hello! Please let me know if this doesn’t belong here. We have had a foster child since April. He is 4. He was finally diagnosed with PTSD, and I am looking for some things we can do to help him. He came to us not speaking one word. He was locked in a cage, locked in his room, abused, molested, and involved in some serious car accidents. The first four years of his life have been TOTAL and absolute Hell. He had visits with mom at first. But it caused him so much trauma that we recorded and the judge ended up suspending visitation. We have a very VERY strong bond at this point. He calls me mommy, and the love there is real. He is also talking in sentences now and starting to potty train. However, when something triggers him, he goes into black out rages. To the point where he doesn’t realize it’s me. He had to have an MRI, and he bit me so hard on the arm that I now have permanent nerve damage. I don’t care. It wasn’t his fault. He felt so bad afterwards he showed every doctor at the hospital and cried and cried. When he gets angry he is incredibly aggressive. He is literally fighting for his life in his mind. And he is STRONG. He will head butt, bite, throw things, kick, punch. He used to hurt himself but has stopped doing that. He also wouldn’t sleep. Sleep was a big trigger. He would wake up every hour. Night terrors. Banging his head, throwing things. All while asleep. He refused to sleep in a bed. So he slept on the couch. And my husband slept in the living room with him. We got him a Thomas the train bed and he finally started sleeping in his room a couple months ago. But still wakes up crying. Even though he is starting to talk, he doesn’t know how to talk about things. He will try to talk about trauma and finally say “no, nothing” and stop talking and stare off into space. We know a couple triggers right now. Cigarette smoke, touching him when he’s angry, looking at him when he’s in trouble, driving through certain parts of town, and babies. But there are a lot of triggers we don’t know. It can be something as simple as a certain color T-shirt. Right now we have him in play therapy and speech therapy. We also got him enrolled in special ed pre-k. He has gone from black out rages 3 times a day to maybe 2 or 3 a week. My heart hurts for him. I help him as much as I can, but I don’t know if I’m making it worse sometimes. What are some things I can do to help him when he has a flashback and goes into a fighting rage? What are some things I can say or so to bring him back down? Any help is appreciated.",1.873988439306359,3.9618522543352586,2.9637876685934508,92.30161213872834,79.4431599229287,5.924639691714837,22.13337186897881,7.003673034542,0.5458153834296726,1996,61,428,23,50,638,243,519,0.147,0.7759999999999999,0.077,-0.9885,2,0,4,0,5,0,72.0,10,0,0,4,28,26,8,1,25,0,49,20,14,8,4,78,73,47,0,4,10,2,3,0,0,4,5,4,6,2,18,36,0,3,7,2,0,9,10,18,0,4,15,13,45,8,58,52,11,81,1,3,6,2,87,39,2,9,33,265,63,2,0.0,0.08559674215251564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06403950980966641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331931874015288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049128061925067884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555079736482596,0.0603203105225423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788711984662543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07376869769952292,0.08262732583163536,0.07365706990844888,0.07421398182155166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15987213224973212,0.23806829961178144,0.04659108529723312,0.0,0.0,0.07332563863687541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394429037760887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398630397121377,0.0,0.0,0.04771615486330758,0.0,0.12173654054670642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936509577425519,0.2374176912281055,0.0,0.1229005798710298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037744250535834564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155594638350323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06471599197669675,0.0,0.14828536035438422,0.0,0.0,0.08560890333708449,0.19369319898570794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114530180201782,0.0,0.1546763363021787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985157098930234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07387388029870055,0.10205545062298353,0.0,0.0,0.06379234002221118,0.0,0.12133270135494095,0.0,0.0,0.06141884598617844,0.06520258541624642,0.0,0.048223101735316964,0.0,0.07257831271716181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294534750821441,0.08461072196710863,0.05766407784419544,0.0,0.10621457981061837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779563717504747,0.0,0.0693195931443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0489540698501135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782326777313726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930167609304005,0.13658693008656714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16889758676549793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222892679737133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339112006452226,0.0,0.11490187241849012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059760575326988766,0.0,0.28918272058434863,0.0,0.0,0.11123316198833813,0.07145067543694304,0.0,0.15340297773776093,0.0,0.0576937578108953,0.12079761298536135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2903329709492609,0.0,0.0,0.16523349210420146,0.0,0.2879722546714735,0.0,0.0709788785810685,0.0,0.042125769752526986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490485988945836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690004351127972,0.06239519439358495,0.0,0.11921691804085713,0.0,0.0,0.057949383453300224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07362230531319347,0.05131971442737791,0.0,0.0,0.04652244975027114 ptsd,Jconsuelos,2019/10/28,"Exercise When There’s No Motivation Hi everyone. Does anyone have recommendations, resources, or perhaps link to a similar post, about somehow summoning the energy, focus, or motivation to exercise when all three are completely gone? Thank you so much and wishing you all the best.",6.617608695652173,10.25461945652174,7.493652173913045,57.723086956521776,71.82608695652175,12.375652173913045,37.46086956521739,11.20814326018867,6.4025878260869575,229,13,30,10,5,76,38,46,0.04,0.67,0.29,0.9159999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,3,6,2,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,2,2,10,5,6,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,3,4,4,4,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,3,2,24,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472736415396493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3711238589316188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3707853080500484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094731613981745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33791862724658395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25996643833056426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3386898182446577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3255846347946324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4066690917003981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,F0urF1ngerFury,2019/10/28,"Does anyone have PTSD from two totally different traumatic events? TW: abuse, death I have had PTSD for about 5 years from losing someone in front of me, and a few months ago I was in a relationship where I was abused. I'm used to death, and being in dire situations. Before the second event my fight or flight was more of ""where is the person who needs help?"" Fr the first time, I'm going ""where is the threat?""",3.9274074074074083,5.236586617283951,4.388580246913584,87.64361111111117,71.71604938271605,7.8691358024691365,20.907407407407405,8.344100000000001,0.7921999999999998,320,6,68,5,6,101,59,81,0.301,0.6990000000000001,0.0,-0.9818,1,0,0,0,3,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,2,0,6,0,9,0,0,1,1,6,14,3,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,0,3,4,0,5,0,10,9,3,15,0,1,0,0,5,6,0,1,7,43,6,0,0.0,0.4718358682530013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17650284902024455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13922537654724712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694316383386387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080321065411958,0.0,0.0,0.17424630121775067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16936655634895684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316126832282575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346214531635198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22275801559271088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893116696045298,0.0,0.0,0.1476407605445872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17385896196471246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4655080175559768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21377428528229767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22381286133507775,0.0,0.0,0.16870893459231262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11610517320620616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19450577826603765,0.0,0.0,0.17197085999520556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822310709012585 ptsd,clockworkaves,2019/10/28,"prescribed prazosin for nightmares but i already have low blood pressure on a scale of 1-10 how fucked am i lolol just kidding but actually i dont know if its wise to take this. like. yeah. doesnt really seem like the best idea. i wish i knew it was for high blood pressure BEFORE i left the psychiatrist's office, but all he said was there wasnt really side effects and it was super effective. anybody tried it? i dont know what the dose/mg is yet, i literally just got home and started doing research. he mentioned he wanted me to take it for a month, when the nightmares were gone we'd do one more month and then i should be good, like id stop taking it after that. and if nightmares resurfaced in a year id just do another small run of taking it. everybody on here seems to have a consistent dose though, so i have no idea what?? what. im far from a medical professional im just very very confused. thanks for reading",0.9462869100209268,3.4192186577540085,2.5990513833992104,90.90988142292493,87.02139037433157,5.605115089514066,22.03417809811672,7.079830092131019,0.7854782143687515,727,26,151,11,23,238,115,187,0.113,0.662,0.225,0.9793,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,0,0,4,11,13,1,3,9,1,19,5,2,3,1,29,36,14,0,5,9,0,0,3,0,1,2,1,1,1,12,4,0,1,9,1,0,2,5,5,0,1,9,1,12,8,14,24,3,20,0,1,0,1,7,9,1,5,12,91,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.12877895822669555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562683362511702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837697465519996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229262995807007,0.0,0.13848929195605292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3093243652338386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199966232270225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110686113676347,0.10554459228082116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942843505685762,0.1323718134830755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979452015682054,0.2850900324401787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504919954912546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338053053856012,0.0,0.0,0.1934145314764004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294101347499804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21066666055160801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942300649980557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200086987305154,0.0,0.16908051904252966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552908519110986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402722475704156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934056182140664,0.0,0.0,0.1103287812864646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39688550288073104,0.0,0.0,0.12149578761732678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965509793439742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959568001569408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21777015209348605,0.07783646942168218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517534192819879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498123525057087 ptsd,lizzystreech,2019/10/28,"I need help! I have been diagnosed with PTSD a while ago. The root of it is that my mom is an addict and she would abuse me from ages 0 to 8z sexually, physically and mentally. She is out of my life, but the scars remain. I am now in a relationship, and I am constantly severely anxious that this person would cheat, and I am always extremely jealous. I am super afraid he will leave me and I know I will not be able to deal with that. I have started a new special kind of therapy (EMDR) and my therapist promises that I will be way better in the future. But for now, does anybody have any tips on how to deal with extreme jealousy, flashbacks, nightmares or feeling that randomly come to you and destroy you? I am tired of living like this.",4.407551020408164,5.2658710136054445,5.635517006802722,80.84103061224491,70.15646258503399,8.873197278911565,30.346258503401362,9.120678840339163,2.5019556462585038,577,23,115,11,10,193,93,147,0.18,0.682,0.138,-0.8067,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,2,0,2,3,10,3,1,7,0,19,4,0,2,0,24,24,12,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,5,4,0,0,1,8,12,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,1,20,6,17,16,0,15,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,2,10,86,28,0,0.16705571986101836,0.1979337108818407,0.0,0.1821153929988907,0.0,0.0,0.14808481609143562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390037414790635,0.0,0.0,0.11360361809022156,0.0,0.0,0.18872541292279446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477472085779934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439037105359264,0.0,0.18052788553800875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3444542235693332,0.0,0.1695580391636562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14619158621900724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446839142448544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11197392763939792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396282500846807,0.09180945475110996,0.0,0.0,0.17688788639106862,0.0,0.0,0.11799639536241345,0.08161498641374511,0.0,0.147513261239947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16835287369526222,0.0,0.0,0.19565364005911867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386969952160486,0.0,0.16134345523185156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458666109431431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19527919677080935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935532427284606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18872541292279446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11824289834870015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1910427747114248,0.1939645665771257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19200597509109046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326010546219697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373431806530201,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sertzul79,2019/10/28,"Advice Needed, Please Hey, this is my first post ever on Reddit so please be gentle. I have CPTSD from 4 years of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse from an asshole that I'm no longer with. I have mental and physical scars from the abuse. I managed to get out. I have a new home, new relationship (which is healthy, thank God), new job, new friends. Everything down to the furniture and my car is new. But I'm still angry... The thought that he could experience any joy at all makes me sick. I want him to suffer. I know life isn't fair, that I didn't deserve the abuse I got, and that I'm a survivor and victim all in one. I just really kind of wish he was dead or suffering, at least. I dont want to act on it, but I do fantasize about it. It's been 4 long years since I got out of that abusive relationship and I'm still so damn angry at him. I hate him and everything he stands for. How do I cope with this anger? I've tried playing video games but I get overwhelmed by the emotions and just end up quitting the games. I've tried drawing and I snapped all the pencils in half. I've tried typing it all out to write it out and I almost broke a key on my keyboard. I dont know what to do. This anger is consuming me. I just want him to suffer for what he did to me. But I also just want to live my life. I dont want to get in any trouble or hunt him down or anything. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you for listening/reading.",1.09091379310345,2.9965434500000043,2.8798160919540234,92.84100000000002,81.16666666666666,6.271264367816093,21.344827586206893,7.372421405659032,0.5447551724137929,1105,33,254,16,29,367,142,300,0.203,0.685,0.11199999999999999,-0.9915,1,0,0,0,3,0,42.0,0,1,0,2,12,17,5,1,11,0,21,3,0,2,5,47,44,21,1,8,11,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,16,16,0,0,3,4,0,2,6,11,0,3,7,0,34,6,39,35,5,33,0,5,0,0,17,16,1,4,13,158,50,5,0.0,0.4101385648754409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691299457796238,0.0,0.0,0.08665637319616787,0.0,0.0,0.06920525912716864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654859553962846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0712142770044257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909440176688357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30426941950608005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946896008867072,0.07664792555912148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827953887457842,0.0,0.0,0.1555514633543287,0.08465181125210365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361008460002214,0.0,0.0,0.06685986705813099,0.0,0.1356392693031774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384263917738446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0854394105882667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680573830001975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587666895515526,0.0,0.0,0.0901171193537154,0.09511921401831193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225020194590645,0.0,0.0,0.07641557998824755,0.07658434942379119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05776549796814905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872110234562954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0641676202691808,0.0,0.41789984185879503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058641110187823774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18998781266151624,0.0,0.0,0.08288050279753355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204494808102294,0.08656248384056553,0.0,0.05543914108842323,0.0,0.0,0.1858211392397614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158600895425993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13822041841656954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15934708858261407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687023512141915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762630339709527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552149138487065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09951565407849963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114566413115832 ptsd,Exkaizer,2019/10/28,"Is it possible to have a PTSD from a suicide attempt ? Back in early March 2019, I tried to kill myself after an episode of emotional abuse (in 2017-2018) and years of clinical depression. Because of substance abuse (alcohol and benzodiazepines), I have partial amnesia on what happened that day, and some part of the month before. As of today, I've been to therapy for 7 months, treated many problems but I feel really uneasy with this particular event. I repressed that memory for months, but now it keeps coming back if I'm not keeping myself busy. I need to remember that event for my therapy, but everytime I read something I wrote that day (like my suicide letter or messages I sent), or try to remember what happened, or anything related, I have a panic attack (sweating, shaking, palpitations, short breath...). Is it possible to have a PTSD from a suicide attempt ? I'm functional (I went back to college, I'm not self-destructive anymore) but it's really painful and stressful to have intrusive thoughts about what I did that day.",8.62385026737968,8.463178470588236,8.551128342245992,67.06198663101604,61.0855614973262,12.185882352941176,42.229411764705894,11.602472056035307,5.2716400000000005,822,44,132,22,10,267,111,187,0.267,0.726,0.006,-0.9951,0,0,2,0,2,4,37.0,0,0,0,2,5,11,2,4,7,0,9,5,2,0,0,27,23,13,4,3,10,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,13,6,1,3,4,1,0,4,2,9,0,0,6,1,15,2,25,17,2,25,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,5,18,89,28,2,0.0,0.2577850048317919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625814096325016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788554390100416,0.0,0.0,0.08952083180597152,0.0,0.0,0.12375870565164193,0.0,0.2509469789443504,0.0,0.0663143602871026,0.0,0.09256807005686253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09370869305320527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104720842131844,0.0,0.09369640912487724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12236854566583265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05500499281927111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19239653108715948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933863118681315,0.12035454635548908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05314688330067612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029097205462064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26049358092158204,0.0,0.0,0.08066274043826625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11575496924917668,0.12763582388891964,0.0,0.11780361436567363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452776102369328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040926066230652,0.2543278174234945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881449454463768,0.0,0.1393809846454197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24646452360182144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134865383005184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374805068377393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246129138308563,0.0,0.0,0.35697958342904146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488103839545696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08636318286764612,0.0,0.0,0.10311551296118356,0.0,0.0,0.14771582404975042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084483656368518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005400925359856 ptsd,Androgynewitch,2019/10/28,"Morning Panic Hey everyone, To give you some background, I use to work in a locked mental health facility for children and it wasn't the best run facility. I worked there a year and a half and I had my hair pulled, been spit on, punched, kicked, slapped, insulted, ect. There were periods of time where I would get hurt everyday at work for weeks. Not to mention hearing/seeing all the stories of what the kids went through and having to do ""therapeutic holds"" on children that are going through a mental health crisis. I ended up leaving that job shortly after I got divorced and I have a great new job that is way lower stress/anxiety/trauma. &#x200B; Well now here I am about a year later and every morning when I wake up I panic about having to go to work. I get so worked up I generally throw up every morning while getting ready for work and sometimes I have to pull over to throw up again. I have talked about this to my old therapist and I am finding a new therapist (just changed over insurance due getting a new job). I don't know what to do about this. The thing that has helped most is deep breathing exercises, but it usually takes me calming down on the hour drive to work to just get to a point where I can function. Any suggestions?",4.5020156106519735,5.979534417355371,4.915316804407713,83.76822773186409,70.5289256198347,7.8571166207529854,29.973370064279145,8.344100000000001,2.135225160697888,987,40,191,15,18,313,140,242,0.067,0.8909999999999999,0.042,-0.555,4,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,0,1,0,8,16,8,1,2,14,0,20,7,4,1,1,21,33,12,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,11,8,0,1,2,1,0,9,3,4,1,1,6,1,21,4,38,26,4,48,0,1,0,0,12,18,0,2,20,132,32,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10670246755393628,0.1196633384770856,0.06696941845844567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334813092491194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1041782242316317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722358257879917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594640631235638,0.09410135643443296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000845396515463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25725729954400434,0.09447048378521493,0.1119363076206357,0.0,0.07876303060973235,0.10857396634309206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209358148799188,0.0,0.0,0.06600871470980042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969824434556128,0.0,0.10542431235369316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931770431448076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054121742749301066,0.0,0.0,0.10427554230311196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984882917765156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28533626526856404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333764059515003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310888853115733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309493310435672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973987166392502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11280790327980808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07404430756807796,0.07915406984073874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22868451627831865,0.06542538579047676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742417249725886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850546453371879,0.10846122613217696,0.0,0.0,0.07816842160746522,0.07899429283028098,0.0,0.0885448728895653,0.09129145784028148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.501859603203851,0.0,0.0,0.0699569919101842,0.0,0.1196633384770856,0.12683510331793388 ptsd,Jerome_Doe,2019/10/28,"6-12 months+ of Repressed memory So much to say, but its all so scrambled. Still living with my abusers, What do I do? I am 23 and jobless failed in college twice due to depression which now I know why. Always daydreaming and having dreams of sorts murmuring nonsense in the middle of a crowd. I can't tell anyone I know because everyone has a hand in it and its seems impossible but now i know why. Disconnected, But what can I do, authorities will find my story outrageous. Let me tell you how REPRESSED my memories are, I went to a country and had no recollection of being there. Once they brought a fake psychaitrist to pretend to help me. Its like i am psycologicaly under influence or something. And no I am not on drugs except when they drugged me with sleeping pills and forced me to stay awake in order to penetrate my subconcious. Its an insane emotional rollecoaster, i laugh, cry, get angry. Im recollecting memories from athe ages of 3,4,5,8,10,13,14,16,17,18,22. It's like a black box everything u try to do to escape is counted for in the black box so when u really try to escape again you'll use the same methods and fail. I like Nas rap and I started rapping as well down to earth things so you can imagine suddenly rhyming crazy shit like ""Sparked a part that was dormant/ Woke it up from its coffin/ Simplified what the core meant/ My devilish offspring/ Concious signals abortion/ Hopping aboard as an option/ Two dimensional portions/ Raise the bar like an auction/ Incredible forces/ Host cant manage to bartend"" Or ""Weak primitives my pillars are bound to fall/ Strong sedetives killing memories i cant recall/ Indicate to a desperate moment and here i crawl/ Like here i lay here i dissolve, this is solution/ That disentigrates the confusion"" This is me at 19 clueless of my repressed memory and there are many more. Heres another crazy thing I am only regaining my memories because they want me to. There are actors (literal actors) that have been around for years in my life to act THE SAME way so i could recall. I want to talk to someone about it but family friends colleagues they are all out of the question. I cant seek professional help where I am, although i am keeping it together started learning web dev online how long do i keep this to myself till I go mad.",4.87455399061033,7.150611877934272,5.312323943661976,78.0523356807512,71.06572769953051,8.864788732394368,32.725352112676056,9.444778638647367,3.3631577464788736,1844,89,319,44,36,588,247,426,0.203,0.675,0.122,-0.9935,1,0,4,0,1,0,59.0,0,3,4,3,24,23,4,4,18,0,36,9,3,4,2,53,53,29,2,3,8,0,1,6,1,2,5,1,0,0,22,14,1,6,11,7,1,5,7,13,1,2,7,4,48,10,50,41,8,39,0,3,2,0,16,15,1,7,22,224,70,6,0.0,0.13836118291126218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971674911486692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224504535549175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165291825594685,0.0,0.0,0.10395593760842207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237187053318587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323661786270092,0.0,0.12827361851875022,0.0,0.0,0.10057951981741327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708475781782392,0.0,0.0,0.13135796428890922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11158505158869847,0.1049512838658276,0.0,0.11008659148646133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10673170249271437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09022131628379992,0.0,0.061010956969974224,0.0,0.06636683642918588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15654579519964482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613877367702014,0.0,0.0,0.2075928263273524,0.12919601288181767,0.0,0.19253210640886825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941199171063073,0.08248277046326181,0.34230690709073264,0.0,0.10311588273329148,0.1033436217536216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11839314988757872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320997296595714,0.0,0.08584424205558339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243632744414436,0.0,0.08881387118092128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12645768473222374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081652454115925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07481008417638722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928654443308973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630903647433954,0.0,0.0,0.11986950815342892,0.0,0.0,0.11686094088211615,0.0,0.0989444394904484,0.08990033665208948,0.0,0.0,0.1653101658478858,0.12446832460193215,0.093257948568744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386061265533867,0.20413580193606773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15516237651106798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856730040268627,0.0,0.11407377596624015,0.0,0.0,0.10085749395569543,0.0,0.0,0.13775573584474649,0.09269183450882207,0.0,0.0,0.10499619329272032,0.10825308389484414,0.2107454473373503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07520030573018825 ptsd,DarkwingLlama,2019/10/28,"How can I best support my partner? My fiance is a lovely man, who unfortunately has PTSD connected to sexual trauma he suffered while in the military. Halloween in particular is the a hard time for him, and I'm not sure how best to help him through it. He's been having a rough time the last week or two, and I'm just hoping someone here may have advice for me. I obviously do the best I can and support him 200% of the time, but if there is anything in particular I should do/ avoid doing or something, I'd appreciate it. I have asked him personally how I cam best help and he doesn't have suggestions, I really just want to do what I can.",4.016299145299147,4.901346253846159,5.83717948717949,78.94004273504277,71.07692307692308,9.162393162393165,28.290598290598286,9.444778638647367,2.3572649572649573,503,18,104,11,9,174,79,130,0.08,0.688,0.23199999999999998,0.9692,1,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,4,7,12,0,1,8,0,19,1,0,3,2,21,27,12,0,4,7,0,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,2,15,9,10,24,4,9,0,1,0,1,16,3,0,5,6,78,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543391946241169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299728928302655,0.0,0.1476545452345819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6630019693430435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14148510086259236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21173052407787454,0.0,0.0,0.15687214528304866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287438938010522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254891399086134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790895180490426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18462586579503934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10118175520956003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382383091916938,0.1215915468687558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584616524700657,0.1488585624520542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762919303391096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15428648427172115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315834420191313,0.0,0.12669162771649314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mramnesia,2019/10/28,"Starting to think I may have a bit of PTSD I (25M) recently had a baby with my partner (25F). We didn't have an easy time as she was already being induced a month earlier due to her having ICP but things just fell apart from there. &#x200B; When my baby came out after a forceps delivery, he didn't cry. He was wheezing, and struggling to breathe. My baby was on my girls chest for all of 10 seconds before he was rushed away to be resuscitated. Whilst this was happening, my girl started bleeding out. She started crashing and needed a blood transfusion there and then in order to keep her alive. All the while, my baby was on a resuscitation table trying to take his first proper breathes. I stood in the corner of the room, helpless as 15+ doctors ran around the room frantically trying to save my girl and my son. I genuinely had the thought of ""I am driving home after this alone with an empty car seat."" After about 4 days, my baby was brought down from the ICU and my girl was taking of monitors. On day 6, we were allowed to go home. Everything's great now, but I cant get these images out of my head. The image of her bleeding out whilst my son struggled for air is something that currently haunts me. The problem is, I can feel my mental stability slipping away more and more as time increases. I am becoming increasingly angry and frustrated at the littlest of things, I feel sad 90% of the time without an actual reason as to why I am sad, and keep finding myself crying at night when im laid in bed. Not sure why, I just do. I mentioned this to my doctor as I thought I was maybe a little depressed but after I explained this he has suggested that its possible I have a slight variety of PTSD. I have counselling scheduled for a months time. I am basically looking for advice on the following: &#x200B; \- Does this sound like PTSD? \- If so, is there anything I can do in the meantime to help? \- If not, is it depression? I just need to understand what is wrong with me right now. My relationship depends on it. Thanks to anyone who reads :)",3.821442669172932,5.566732343358396,4.8582761591478745,82.43936912593988,72.68421052631578,7.594016290726818,28.759476817042607,8.278499904357787,2.075764974937344,1611,65,306,26,32,527,216,399,0.136,0.7829999999999999,0.081,-0.9721,2,1,1,0,0,0,63.0,2,0,0,1,13,16,1,3,24,0,37,10,5,4,3,52,63,23,0,5,11,2,2,1,1,1,5,1,5,5,15,19,0,2,10,1,0,11,6,11,0,2,20,4,46,5,62,40,7,67,0,5,1,0,25,26,0,4,30,218,61,3,0.0,0.0,0.08841989185881728,0.0,0.0,0.08854064255358762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093842088940208,0.099987677010153,0.0,0.0,0.19634647038323425,0.220196164932863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335490092920247,0.0,0.07456228778287324,0.08065992335435315,0.0,0.0,0.17025753889106096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006891278092099,0.07710034569433648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891997001622732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363089128515668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990562631849072,0.11686873916586164,0.0,0.15608028836311388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854813196519101,0.0792912716395799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08143221741162752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09162779257848204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281365298218908,0.07707072995106592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04733870162867127,0.0,0.05149435484688788,0.0,0.0,0.09989513624039786,0.0,0.0,0.08012395120746843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298947959043087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06073232627564041,0.0,0.1817735070154154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09787169497835647,0.0,0.0,0.16107229510593365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04426626883915366,0.09081256173269264,0.0,0.0,0.07608751618725483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102745561653663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131109241456024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464415305675293,0.0,0.0,0.1343686903836839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502904136110075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102146390913906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08669918201743829,0.3177461077722418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09063206287861986,0.0,0.0,0.0931596450649773,0.08946401792529048,0.09727859246029696,0.0,0.07737834681359394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975411343219523,0.0,0.0,0.19239745627438246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894453542992512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539653716094182,0.0,0.13625119246294676,0.0,0.0,0.08341925226258698,0.0,0.0,0.12039125118571473,0.05805765510431435,0.0,0.1438645366651473,0.21133594832407102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230331483821966,0.0,0.0,0.0943256479080824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16351842925547694,0.0,0.0,0.08734243829804947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0990651246685324,0.220196164932863,0.0 ptsd,ButaneLilly,2019/10/28,"Remeron / Mirtazapine experiences? Psychiatrist is suggesting Remeron / Mirtazapine. I've had some luck improving my mood and sleep the past week or so fasting 16:8 and speed-walking 2 hrs a day. Trying various SSRIs in the past turned my life upside down, and in one case lost me a job that I fought super hard to get.",6.4465517241379295,7.908386241379311,7.1546551724137935,69.59336206896553,65.89655172413794,10.627586206896552,33.46551724137931,10.686352973137794,3.920262068965518,254,11,43,7,4,84,48,58,0.09699999999999999,0.746,0.157,0.6908,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,0,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,6,6,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,4,2,4,3,2,8,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,3,5,23,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18228804105673369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764892339066431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14767472033411613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25320190176329554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804898567279649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996464350909923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3085495440200541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19153323941268324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5396492513016177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828575000264493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919030851509718,0.30744570184394465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267274849417367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,r_runner1966,2019/10/28,"Anti anxiety meds question I have been taking Sertraline/Zoloft for 10 years and think I need a change. Can anyone help with choosing between Cymbalta and Efexxor? Admin, delete if inappropriate for this sub.",7.28047619047619,10.222419714285714,6.491428571428576,69.30190476190478,66.14285714285714,9.23809523809524,34.52380952380953,9.725611199111238,4.009380952380953,170,8,24,4,3,52,32,35,0.115,0.807,0.078,-0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,6,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,4,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,14,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876740572250725,0.0,0.0,0.2629400121114025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3978066629674475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25205561641261903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177021822277957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788332438271867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4212574306212117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2827396907812609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24095500604360606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421612077292385 ptsd,ApprehensiveWombat,2019/10/28,Looking for someone with a similar trauma as me to talk with (sexual assault trigger) I’m 21F and I was assaulted a little over 3 years ago. I really want to hear some else’s similar story because I feel so so alone with this memory.,2.9843617021276607,4.825223978723408,5.813776595744681,74.30875,75.17021276595744,9.806382978723407,28.77127659574468,10.125756701596842,3.4715148936170213,185,8,33,6,4,67,38,47,0.267,0.7,0.033,-0.9076,0,1,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,8,6,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,8,5,1,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,2,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005227272562648,0.0,0.0,0.35112475824101225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20666478807003866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832095479693418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17141981215793367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821026618158001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397893114245931,0.0,0.0,0.28469326533674383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2171863042034144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2872524121713484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724932045901314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19996407890946954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21831918325339292 ptsd,psmrfister,2019/10/28,I have alot of symptoms but idk what the traumatic event was I think I have ptsd I have alot of the common symptoms and I've had a few counselors and my old probation officer suggest that I should get checked for bipolar 2 and ptsd. But I dont know what the traumatic event was? I've heard stories of me being abused as a small child but I dont remember it and I dont get panicky when my parents get mad at me and that seems like something that would happen if I had it from abuse. I just want to know why I cant be happy.,1.3927433628318582,3.018893451327436,3.0187699115044246,93.54603097345137,79.08849557522123,6.289911504424777,24.574336283185843,7.1686216300943375,0.8431210619469023,412,15,95,5,10,136,66,113,0.251,0.688,0.061,-0.9796,1,0,1,0,2,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,7,0,15,3,0,0,0,20,25,11,0,4,5,1,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,1,7,5,0,0,5,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,5,1,15,2,8,16,3,7,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,4,6,64,22,0,0.0,0.3714460315446325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5511291942529059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456860808472384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861343099050838,0.16686319786254175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722913063855713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658009007887501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16448266623094807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740522290372837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36646452168545335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17756709562717088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14269923429699444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12067374165686978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258463575619307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10043901540045982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245516033723644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414424162045548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135064130179112,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blackkitten69,2019/10/28,"Dissociation and depersonalizing How normal is this? I feel like I'm dissociating alot of the time. It feels like I've lost awareness of what's real. This happen a lot to you guys? Is it a common ptsd thing?",1.6248780487804881,4.2538061219512215,4.588487804878049,76.77053658536586,85.34146341463416,6.206829268292682,17.956097560975607,7.554174236665415,0.5453082926829271,165,4,33,3,5,59,33,41,0.057999999999999996,0.8029999999999999,0.139,0.5007,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,7,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,2,3,6,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,4,20,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2907290097965835,0.41076843449089134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28466210618064064,0.2542280714182297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809079678739044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138312879985601,0.24441526883606596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816809482358594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33606255874900165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32722863685526604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19099679398810665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16763879512335889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Chimmychimmychubchub,2019/02/17,"Can someone make sense of me? I have PTSD due to childhood trauma, and have been in and out of therapy for about 4.5 years. I graduated from therapy a couple of years ago after extensive EMDR around a parent's psychotic breakdown when I was three. I had life changing benefits and I no longer find myself returning to that trauma or that set of negative cognitions about myself. However, this winter I have been descending into worse depression than ever before. I returned to therapy and it seems I am now dealing with trauma from time spent in foster care after the original event. My PTSD episodes are worse than they ever have been. I am dealing with intense feelings of worthlessness, of being unwanted. I am aware that I'm re-experiencing the time in foster care. My little girl is in my head constantly screaming for mommy and daddy. I can barely function. I mostly can't. This is coming up a lot in my work life. I'm approaching the end of a temporary position, and I really love it. I'm feeling horribly abandoned and unwanted as this job comes to an end. I can't reasonably blame my employer or colleagues. I have applied for permanent jobs with no success. I've seen jobs created for other people in my position when they were being timed out, but no one has offered to do this for me. I have mentioned to my boss that I would like to stay, and his response was something about needing me to do more ambitious projections. I can't tell if the projects are a test, and if I do well I might be able to stay, or if he just wanted me to be able to accomplish some good stuff before I leave. I don't like the idea of being tested. And doing projects for their own sake might be fun if I were in a different mindset, but feeling like it's a test is really stressful. My T wants me to have a conversation with the boss where I specifically say that I want to stay and ask if there's any way it's possible. I really can't do that. All I want to do is hide. And throw up. And sleep. I am now triggered over and over again at work. Where previously work was a situation where the ""little girl"" would not take over, I am now seesawing. The trauma feelings will recede for a time, then I remember I'm at work and have to leave soon, and ""Nobody wants me. Nobody cares about me,"" comes back up and I feel like I'm dying. The other day at work I caught myself seriously considering crawling under my desk which is humorous, but also this is how intense it is. I'm feeling really invalidated that my T and others think I can navigate this situation by having a conversation and advocating for myself. I have grown a lot in this job and have gone way out of my comfort zone in self-advocacy. I have pitched projects and thrown my hat in the ring for jobs, volunteered for things, spoken up about ideas, etc., etc. And I'm just so tired. I feel it has stretched me but not really gotten me where I want to be. It has not changed my belief that I am dispensable and not the kind of person that can receive mentoring or support in the workplace. (Why? I don't know.) I am struggling because I don't want to live anymore. I don't want to commit suicide, but I keep imagining my death like, ""I know it's not my time to go but I wish it were."" I am not in danger of killing myself, but going on day after day with no will to live is exhausting and I'm so mad at myself because it's like I'm watching myself waste my life day after day. I had a therapy appointment this week that triggered all of this. It's been four days and I can't get right. I've tried texting my therapist and it sort of seemed like it became an argument? At any rate, I didn't feel like she understood how desperate I am feeling. She made some self help suggestions and offered an early appointment that I can't use. I don't feel like I can keep contacting her because I feel stupid and ashamed for not being able to cope. I also tried a suicide prevention chat line, but it didn't work for me at all. The counselor just kept rephrasing my statements back to me, and when I pointed that out, they said that was how they do things. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I feel like I don't make any sense and no one can understand what I'm going through. I'm crushed all day long with intense feelings of fear and grief. I wake up in the morning disappointed to be alive. I just want to be accepted and have meaningful work in my life, but I don't seem to have the skills to do that. Or the world works in some different way than I understand and I can't make the leap. I just really don't understand how people can march into someone's office and demand a job, but that seems like how it works at my job? I feel so broken. I hate what happened to me in childhood. I'm so angry that this is my life. I feel cheated out of normal human experiences of fitting in and being able to make a contribution to the world.",4.128942428683517,5.164819920326867,5.395572234311854,81.65011132329647,70.94075587334014,8.862287752957025,28.59085727820461,9.20300075937882,2.3283841867625945,3838,141,772,78,69,1282,348,979,0.14400000000000002,0.735,0.121,-0.99,12,0,1,0,0,5,101.0,0,0,5,13,40,47,6,4,37,0,100,11,3,17,7,175,183,72,6,21,33,1,15,11,0,6,7,4,0,5,51,52,0,5,37,1,1,12,31,22,1,4,24,22,117,25,123,142,14,120,1,5,3,1,33,54,0,23,58,550,168,32,0.17372457473510194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03849908839040815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06946373982535045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860400106703219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043072024237864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038662925815733384,0.04060225657088965,0.0,0.0,0.0667917372966296,0.0,0.07942566622898428,0.0,0.07391340884002097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328428365588055,0.0,0.09188878250658623,0.11223625388188772,0.0,0.04693363712569881,0.0,0.0,0.048055734412542336,0.0,0.19606646295014746,0.08955120416570594,0.03740718041455757,0.0,0.04507467025047453,0.09075260260364046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693420451483356,0.0,0.0968744114235217,0.0,0.07857191188375208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042483992305812616,0.0,0.04887211122093165,0.3294013680955909,0.15513608862821024,0.0,0.0,0.03969527850546197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022690980020422708,0.0,0.07404875947976569,0.036427982745295566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03840601692600799,0.0,0.0,0.04287926281027903,0.04457288330480977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029110980122017144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09805694952400824,0.0,0.0,0.3016909599951742,0.07720719209330285,0.0480501256268172,0.045226852782197284,0.07160586223821322,0.0,0.0,0.0919746203980474,0.0,0.0,0.15338350597680986,0.23340089313296586,0.08705883148395813,0.07670099113642395,0.03843519546175282,0.03647122228132494,0.0,0.0,0.07384721049510062,0.03919830283966822,0.041095598274710515,0.11596250262911145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214716016352197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03220364272749613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04255329950516496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886013393391875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822514533150162,0.0,0.0,0.060219373078706825,0.037922399447367285,0.0,0.0,0.041056468967408534,0.04896208885420558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153736562221516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693861657091733,0.04465444915368722,0.0,0.0,0.04919901939824418,0.03708995940220683,0.041312963275100166,0.03453818865580332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815232820011588,0.09061630968531853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09763685038830182,0.04346250913633255,0.0,0.07359813420774923,0.03343541626147189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13887546140808174,0.0,0.0,0.049750228351247566,0.04540366129056073,0.049718268707834586,0.09501324406037286,0.049285147170010514,0.0,0.0,0.03265481497767764,0.0,0.03796073388476665,0.0,0.19866919145640466,0.050426905271970315,0.05770744404266043,0.027828923199843297,0.0,0.0,0.12662524573007555,0.04991771068516667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058973791332275836,0.0,0.0,0.1356400567690729,0.0,0.03751056357606181,0.0,0.0,0.230551324261402,0.1034208609085303,0.034837843736922294,0.0,0.03904981404238682,0.0,0.03918985189234348,0.0,0.0499436718440425,0.0,0.0,0.28456550877792,0.0,0.08852009168035248,0.06170447674513261,0.0,0.0,0.05593646517274427 ptsd,captainreynolds5,2019/02/17,"Does anyone else get tense when they read or hear ""PTSD""? Almost like you're bracing yourself for a trigger. Which in turn makes PTSD a kind of trigger in and of itself. But not a full trigger, I usually just kinda brace for impact, like a trigger warning. Anyone else ever feel like this? It feels redundant and makes me feel like I can't escape my anxiety. I also don't feel like I can talk about it, especially to people who don't have PTSD because I assume that would make them feel even more awkward about talking about it. It's hard enough trying to explain to someone and have them not pity you, not to mention it always seems to end any conversation when you bring it up. I get that it's not the greatest ice breaker, but I'm talking about trying to talk to your long time friends about it. My experience has been everyone goes silent. No one knows how to deal with someone else's trauma. And that just makes me feel more alone.",5.230253623188408,5.9807290543478295,5.332391304347826,84.14231884057972,68.23913043478261,7.655072463768116,28.920289855072465,7.492282038375204,1.6102007246376813,742,25,145,7,12,233,108,184,0.105,0.813,0.081,-0.6617,0,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,3,0,13,10,0,1,5,0,9,0,0,9,1,37,28,11,0,1,9,0,7,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,15,5,0,0,10,1,0,1,8,3,0,1,1,8,16,7,21,26,5,12,0,1,0,0,17,4,0,5,12,92,31,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540499708678068,0.109020006395723,0.0,0.08417823026329578,0.08758667325332592,0.0,0.0,0.07158197953659065,0.0,0.08052537806488774,0.0,0.0,0.14720370747294112,0.21570734924153465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416692639401217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10852081825092223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211575572214503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637994559451245,0.0,0.09323116202864873,0.10876410330962684,0.0,0.06952476216545465,0.09521578462961053,0.0,0.10058264691121137,0.0,0.1029667361940007,0.0,0.0,0.3193427164424101,0.2255982431730811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08132539861241837,0.0,0.1099904235424946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09429435299995646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863827217329982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1096144963445977,0.05784941203228435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25712923521098185,0.0,0.0,0.09315383081673537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810536338171348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07132846460722278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729756311145334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691380178420515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052907942083456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09582685249439428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837682520018575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33842342597574543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613792987190864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293239606014335,0.11449516506828528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593156172207887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477532400051347,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AutomaticSquash,2019/02/17,"feeling like an imposter trigger warning for attempted suicide about a year and a half ago i tried to kill myself because of a disagreement with my mom that, to anyone else, would have seemed like a really small thing. even to myself i feel like i overreacted really badly, but after three days of panic attacks and high-key anxiety and spiralling (over such a tiny thing!), i really found no other way to go on. on the morning after my attempt, my psychiatrist asked me what was going on, and i explained something that my mom did to me when i was 15 (i'm now almost 25) that was extremely upsetting and has followed me to this day. my psychiatrist said i had ptsd. but it was one event. it was horrible, i'm still fucked up over it, but my mom didn't hit me or even verbally abuse me. she's done a few terrible things, including one thing in 2016 that was almost as bad as what she did a decade ago. but no actual physical harm. just a lot of emotional distress. to this day, if my mom is even slightly displeased with me, i get incredibly upset and usually start crying. but i still feel like an imposter for saying i have ptsd when others have been through so much worse. i don't know what i'm looking for. reassurance, commiseration? how do i deal with feeling like this?",4.9320208728652775,5.974948596774192,5.943766603415562,78.43197343453511,69.08064516129032,9.383681214421252,29.910815939278933,9.627879704456738,2.736411005692599,1004,38,192,22,17,333,140,248,0.289,0.643,0.068,-0.9971,1,0,1,0,2,2,32.0,0,0,0,2,13,17,3,4,11,0,20,1,0,2,0,31,41,19,2,2,8,4,4,5,0,1,0,2,0,0,19,9,0,0,8,0,0,3,4,11,0,4,14,7,29,6,29,25,3,28,0,0,1,1,12,8,1,6,21,142,48,0,0.0,0.113373260479641,0.09337655441845134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16964122334710746,0.0,0.19163309987343088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07320017192519675,0.0,0.0,0.06690646448354977,0.09804247697716664,0.0,0.0,0.0894542801311487,0.10885759613226677,0.0,0.0,0.15978903180450152,0.0583298105122617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051075024005785,0.18513029059052136,0.09864893210472643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979208607287812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993407789776225,0.10763481771439586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18960076931779596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935285687435277,0.2734347950610875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10491568292090353,0.0,0.08846094319116009,0.04999242541244588,0.0,0.10876207438211152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10109840173305036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586331305634653,0.0,0.052586985721725016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337387874077591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035284760547358,0.0,0.0,0.0813495309429287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44826908967425305,0.0,0.0,0.07034083845240685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967976053963273,0.0,0.0,0.11226789174749907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237055945964504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18389832281080595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09102009843729464,0.07609401703682192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710970685524479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366440550744334,0.0,0.0,0.06772763898898225,0.0,0.1528312706268511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046658741184291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25428034306575115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496508440390017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10538553749818476,0.0,0.0,0.07595176101410073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975130663561012,0.06797318689009135,0.0,0.0,0.061619188780463276 ptsd,pm_me_blurry_cats,2019/02/17,"Had such a good week last week and now going downhill since vday I had such a good week last week, I was sleeping ok, eating ok, had positive one on one and group sessions, I really felt like I was finally getting a grip on things. It's been almost a year since my diagnosis. Then after Valentine's, the nightmares started again much harder than before. I am used to waking up scared once a night, but now it's two or three dreams a night. They aren't memories or flashbacks but feelings. Dreams of powerlessness, loss, not being able to save someone or save myself, not being able to fight back. I didn't have a good Valentine's day but I had to pretend I did for my kids. In reality I felt so isolated and alone but I had to act like I was having so much fun. I'm feeling so tired. I feel spent. I feel like I haven't even slept at all. I don't have any energy to get out of bed, to make breakfast, to take my meds. I don't even know what the dreams were last night but ive been crying for hours. I feel broken. Dammit I was doing better. I just want to stop feeling scared. Thanks for listening. I will get out of bed. I'll have some coffee and do my CPT exercises. I'm glad I found Reddit, found this group. Just having some people that I can relate with helps. 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I was a virgin planning on saving myself for marriage, I had never been kissed before, and that night I was raped repeatedly in every way imaginable for about three hours and forced to perform oral sex on my attacker. 9 years later I still have horrible emotional flashbacks where out of nowhere I will feel incredibly disgusting, filthy, and shameful. I’m so angry with myself for not being strong enough to just get over it when I know other people who got over it much sooner and I’m still struggling. I’ve had a lot of people tell me I need to grow up, stop wallowing in self-pity, pray more and try harder spiritually (I’m a Christian), and so I try to stop feeling emotions about it and be strong but that makes it worse. why can’t I just let it go? what’s wrong with me?",2.6329411764705877,4.682973684491984,3.907486631016045,86.64005347593586,76.86096256684492,6.752941176470588,23.834224598930483,7.724431198458867,1.1790128342245998,737,24,148,11,17,241,115,187,0.209,0.768,0.023,-0.9834,0,0,0,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,4,12,11,4,2,4,0,15,5,0,2,1,28,28,13,0,1,5,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,13,11,0,2,4,0,0,2,4,7,0,1,9,2,16,4,22,15,4,26,2,0,0,5,5,10,0,1,13,96,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293110935324255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934766052483787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419772086418004,0.0,0.15706495712339802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807334401708653,0.14525021255858586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371968182955048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15883587168926913,0.0,0.08638968178024736,0.0,0.12157472932702434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969731638453065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08353965273449096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554385370716619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12923181414215246,0.0,0.0,0.10146655836254262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174341211459417,0.1127120481263451,0.11723798450371575,0.0,0.0,0.14264926412043255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15950688524034926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107664941516157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17768928405825782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15857755510315102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24278766124188755,0.2541710841270597,0.0,0.15891182559060293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328617417829572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20640698516882736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206569201982184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743272560766976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15490919642307366,0.0,0.16619694762817816,0.0,0.29366461464861954 ptsd,danndaman,2019/02/17,"What does this mean? I guess I was abused as a kid by my parents. I don’t remember much about the physical abuse of the emotional abuse but I know that it has affected my self confidence a lot and how fucked up it has made me mentally as an adult. It wasn’t until recently when I got blackout drunk (twice) that my friends started complaining that I was screaming and crying about a man trying to hurt me/kill me over and over. And that I was scared and I just wanted to go home. I don’t know what this means. Does it maybe relate to whatever happened during my fucked up childhood? Or is it just alcohol making me paranoid. 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It's ""Is this what it is?"" Hey. So I've been experiencing some things for a while now and I'm just wondering if they seem similar to PTSD. I know the textbook symptoms of PTSD, but I feel like there's more to it. I've been experiencing things like dissociation (like not feeling a close connection to things and people around me), feeling lost/very alone even when physically around people, having a ""blank"" mind but still feeling scared and not knowing why. I feel like there's more, but those are the main ones I can think of that I haven't found a textbook answer to. (And maybe those things are in ""the textbook"", but I've been looking in the wrong places.) Does anyone have any insight into these types of experiences? ",4.887379310344826,5.961952806896554,5.120172413793104,84.17956896551726,69.20689655172413,8.006896551724138,26.91379310344828,8.238735603445708,1.4982965517241382,587,18,121,8,10,185,83,145,0.111,0.82,0.069,-0.6066,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,1,0,10,6,0,1,8,0,13,1,0,0,0,32,26,12,0,1,9,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,15,8,0,0,13,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,8,8,4,13,22,4,11,0,0,1,0,2,7,0,4,8,83,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14681108845990856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639541105635137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911546161991557,0.0,0.0,0.2523765460994892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404708831869705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362507255206973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865949118490012,0.0,0.0,0.3583673411777065,0.202533612742982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542244571047062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580507519688766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770091409399812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903497882255296,0.0,0.15473775298462247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14240774038304502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312790861621208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605401681182864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965443259301392,0.0,0.14809942542763968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313982205835499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191728857594327,0.0,0.0,0.12904461285136246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320237928476252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733336611005066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37669175584713616,0.09082819484895688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695926288470106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790805731928498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372270582570852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15498225737782198,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bigkimchi,2019/02/17,"Coping with hypervigilance Hello, as a result of my trauma and other issues, I have hypervigilance. I get startled easily by loud noises (I physically jump) and in quiet places like examination halls, I get sensitive to sounds such as pens clicking or erasers rubbing against paper. When people approach from behind me, I get a shock and my friends always ask me why I get shocked so easily. Yesterday, I was at a party and someone I met for the first time jokingly grabbed my arm. I know I shouldn’t be scared but it gave me quite a shock and I froze. Are there any tips you guys have for coping with this without making myself look like a huge scaredy cat? ",5.32445340501792,6.85142626612904,6.055913978494626,76.1844265232975,68.59677419354838,8.414336917562725,29.10035842293907,8.841846274778883,2.367918637992832,523,19,93,9,9,171,90,124,0.099,0.777,0.125,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,4,10,0,2,6,0,6,1,1,2,0,15,16,11,0,1,3,0,3,2,1,1,0,3,0,1,3,7,0,0,2,1,0,2,2,6,0,1,3,8,19,4,15,11,0,11,0,0,2,0,7,5,0,1,6,61,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924114904722407,0.0,0.0,0.157252180748466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161796300005955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669394072015134,0.0,0.0,0.1786566446587845,0.0,0.4832566541321578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289654860772753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413560953662427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12708430607794474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259458776238139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418465879305544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435552743562145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031377182563106,0.0,0.2415981980975916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24595384803338066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315131277507635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19593021134165967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13483880494606915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20865952775489588,0.0,0.0,0.22290859826886095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheMiyo,2019/02/12,"Wife is dissociated from reality, has been for 6 months My wife has PTSD. She was diagnosed \~8 years ago, went through CBT, seemed to 'recover', but we appear to be dealing with a relapse now. I believe it's been happening since September 2018. &#x200B; She spends every moment of the day she can on the internet talking with a new group of friends she found on Twitter (none of whom know her in real life). She's built up this persona of herself that is effectively what she would be like if she were healthy, and interacts with people through this persona. She is so removed from reality that she's just completely unaware of her own emotions, body sensations, or literally anything going on around her. &#x200B; I have no idea how to help her. She sees a therapist, but I have no idea if she's told him she's having a relapse (this is a new therapist, she's only been seeing him for about 8 months). She won't make an appointment with her doctor for some anti-anxiety medication, the mere mention of it sends her into a panic attack that lasts hours. She doesn't leave the house unless she 100% cannot avoid it. Groceries are the exact same groceries every few days, she only buys enough to last for 2-3 days, and gets the exact same things. Self-care is going down the drain, her sleep is disturbed, and she can't even verbalize what is going on around her or inside her at any given moment. I have compassion for her wanting to escape feeling bad all the time, but by doing this she's making it worse because she's never coming down from panic attacks, she's just dissociated constantly. &#x200B; I don't even know where to start. I'm the only one that works, we have a child, and I'm going through my own trauma therapy right now, and it's all I can do to hold life together as is. Help?",7.012577288493439,6.630110203438394,7.228125471271301,75.95666867742428,64.44412607449857,10.098084753430856,33.55466747096969,9.549672527348893,2.9854550143266483,1427,53,268,24,19,463,188,349,0.11199999999999999,0.797,0.091,-0.8976,0,1,0,0,0,0,57.0,2,0,0,2,12,10,2,4,17,0,33,7,2,4,5,50,57,16,0,4,10,2,1,1,1,2,5,0,0,1,17,15,0,2,8,0,2,9,9,8,0,1,9,3,44,2,44,44,10,43,0,0,2,0,50,14,0,7,21,190,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756862434055099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775350082680785,0.311246463132039,0.05806288124242313,0.0,0.06531721382743826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07026234497931529,0.15201667033694388,0.0,0.19426934927361028,0.0,0.0,0.07129064101324449,0.05204824805106648,0.0,0.0,0.09619659606735534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484046985653116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735492777048333,0.08952170067678676,0.09226791677193416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651935297200378,0.088025386043047,0.0,0.0866612213339789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739238599110323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604357775433786,0.0,0.08822272385855684,0.0,0.11278838710955195,0.0,0.1438765141480202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04317184841880105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361726775996157,0.06596614109018634,0.0,0.044608719549919414,0.0,0.1940988793302763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07550327207285744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445989083922782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840843511349487,0.09851969249689292,0.0,0.19277241253132968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384774108007322,0.13919591513659754,0.0,0.090407510899795,0.0,0.0,0.12061606498343624,0.04171347130845608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139866756180868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601366881241343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630264954998975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06585208134287437,0.16492548455506573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785724558757869,0.1948112241675953,0.0,0.2003554280916364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05919332533725346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980732129688433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718373215311968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729160043154504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13607725229332107,0.07772882493942578,0.08907234376309048,0.0,0.0,0.07062910793188255,0.0,0.08544394641630604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060434020324317814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06862704593842381,0.0,0.0,0.0976420832960006,0.19827082594256065,0.05672419580213772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04978709663160105,0.0,0.0,0.08158643167543224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05036068348932237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915023300250063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215931990611445,0.0,0.08701184216697477,0.06065312506601174,0.0,0.311246463132039,0.05498339175432184 ptsd,4q420,2019/02/12,"Considering a medical marijuana card Been thinking about getting a medical card for awhile, but for the sole purpose of getting stoned. Now that I’ve discovered my CPTSD diagnosis, I’m wondering if I could use it to ease symptoms. Anyone have any experience with utilizing pot medicinally? Particularly for flashbacks, anxiety, and night terrors. Not sure if it’ll be worth applying after hearing others claim that pot only exacerbated their symptoms. 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I am in therapy, and I was talking to my therapist about losing days and feeling like I’m in a slow hell when I recognize that I’m dissociated, but have a hard time doing anything about it. She suggested that I be less hard on myself, and plan to do life-giving things on those days. Then she asked me what I like to do. And I realized I have no idea. I came up with some things that felt right, but I honestly am not sure if I like them because the excitement isn’t there. I have CPTSD and have had it all my life basically. Can anyone relate to not even knowing what your own interests are? I am feeling pretty down about it because I feel like this is just another thing that’s been stolen. Anyway would love to hear your thoughts. 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I'm always... focusing on one person with my peripheral vision. I'm focusing on them so much, I can't even see what's directly in front of me. It pisses me off, and I'm sure it pisses them off too. I don't even want to be looking at them through my peripheral vision, but I almost can't stop and I'm kind of afraid they'll ""catch me"" looking at them. Or... it'll annoy them bad enough to spark something. Do you guys have any thoughts? 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The combination of psychological problems I have and symptoms lends me to believe I have permanent brain damage. It falls in line with a lot of the research I have done and my experience is similar to a store I heard of someone who had a rare neurological disorder and lots about 10-15 iq points. The description of their struggle to do things they used to is basically my experience and it's kind of making it difficult for me to move on. I hate it. I hate that I am damaged beyond repair, I hate that I am partially responsible for putting myself in this situation. I hate my daily existence and I cant stand the idea that after all these years this is as good as I have gotten and the improvement has seemed to plateau. I know I need to let go of the thought, but its overwhelmingly disheartening. 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Last thing I needed to read before bed and it’s messed up my brain and now it’s 2 am and I’m overwhelmed. Also I was kicked out of the house by my mom, and she threatened me with calling the cops, so I’m not even in the same state rn. 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Does anyone else experience this? Is there anything I can do to stop it? I wear depends sometimes if I’m having a rough time and I feel like it’s going to happen. ,2.030054945054946,4.866437500000004,4.780219780219781,74.02192307692309,87.46153846153847,6.817582417582417,28.582417582417587,7.957251820313856,2.644557142857143,218,11,37,5,7,77,38,52,0.049,0.888,0.063,0.168,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,4,3,1,0,7,10,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,1,3,10,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,22,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051167364685059,0.3005711491120489,0.2414015791886273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567120559042938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24505580017667114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286952023906182,0.0,0.0,0.1483262818492423,0.2095688855807604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667172366751547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25940792493706466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331570986230585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34290977596531363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901300791309769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452532519808429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30490237078551674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18796646458840824,0.0,0.0,0.17105440693195606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,prodromal96,2019/02/12,"I feel like no one knows how much I suffer. Do you guys hit yourself/curl up in a ball/screech when you have intrusive thoughts? It’s like I can’t even control these impulses. Sometimes I start hyperventilating. And it can be something so small, just remember something my ex boyfriend said, or remembering the scene at a party. I can control these impulses when I’m around other people, but I’m so nervous to be in a relationship because I don’t know if I can really control them at home while in bed. Would medication help with this? I just feel like such a mess.",4.7131818181818215,6.1013297272727325,5.54159090909091,79.82238636363638,69.9090909090909,8.772727272727273,31.931818181818183,9.188382445141503,2.7493636363636367,450,20,88,9,8,147,76,110,0.102,0.779,0.11900000000000001,0.2018,0,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,3,10,6,0,1,5,0,10,1,0,4,0,20,20,10,0,2,5,1,2,3,0,1,1,1,2,1,6,3,0,3,7,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,2,3,12,3,9,14,1,12,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,2,7,59,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14663003144625206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040788594480186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5542209480342157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879178390099536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656829746923366,0.2353428673496423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163092367059246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040405868573873,0.0,0.16522117763906485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18104458142952248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414122449650101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593163019314738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12108345325596954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11161420285152053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419167564151494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10551975430782633,0.0,0.0,0.17684077145519214,0.3731768152193821,0.0,0.15668035919052667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536091635280785,0.16290596893199116,0.0,0.1165851387342826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307642051836425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700782047166568,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pretty_bee34,2019/02/12,"First post, a bit shaken up Hey everyone, first time posting here. Diagnosed with PTSD 2 years ago. So last night around 1am, I was in bed getting ready to sleep and I heard keys jangling outside my door, and I just assumed it was my neighbours. I live in private student accommodation, so we have 24 hour security, I generally feel very safe. But then, after hearing these keys, my door began to open and a security guard walked in. I jumped out of bed to speak with him, apparently he'd had a noise complaint, my TV was on but it wasn't loud enough to be heard from where the complaint was, so he apologised for disturbing me and left. After he was gone I just broke down, it scared me so much This morning I found out he filed a report himself because he's new to the job, and had thought that my flat was one with a communal living space, ie. A flat he would be allowed to enter without knocking. He had no idea he was walking into a studio flat, essentially my bedroom. I know that this guy made an honest mistake, I'm not upset about that. It just upset me so much to have someone walk into my space like that with no warning. I don't necessarily want to go into my PTSD diagnosis on this post, but I'm so shaken up by this event. I really don't feel like being in my apartment at all, and I can't sleep because I feel like someone could just walk in. I'm so on edge and I'm so tired. I feel like I'm overreacting, but when I think about it I start shaking. I just don't feel like anyone understands, so I guess that's why I'm here, I wanted to get it off my chest to people who would understand. Sorry for any mistakes, I'm on mobile and I'm pretty sleep deprived. 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I just want to forget forever, I don't want this to be a part of me anymore",2.685585585585589,4.207227108108114,4.368648648648648,85.70855855855856,75.21621621621622,8.176576576576577,28.54954954954956,8.841846274778883,2.2521333333333344,282,12,59,6,6,95,51,74,0.24,0.669,0.091,-0.9127,0,0,0,0,1,0,2.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,19,12,7,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,2,0,7,0,11,7,2,8,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,40,10,2,0.0,0.284512788617084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381427652611082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256084576050935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637696797820817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158118470319848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041485073583172,0.0,0.2272152188425803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600355661045484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720185720301732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404103352336824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20075802457244785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15953058329203024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759921751627218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.424901707204149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22260135485452165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17481627410369802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,musician1023,2018/11/09,"Who else can’t get a therapist to listen? Hai. I have posted about this before. But I am at a loss. I have called every single number on the list that was sent to me to find a psychiatrist. None of them will see me. I have been trying to see someone for over a month. But none of them are open after 4pm or on weekends. How am I supposed to see a damn psychiatrist? I’m at the point of giving up. Kaiser is my insurance. I have contacted them multiple times. They referred me to Magellan health services and out of everyone they gave me no one will see me. Does anyone know where to go from here? I am at a complete loss. It’s been like a month and a half of solid calling people and I keep getting turned down. This is why I’ve never seen a professional before. No one will fucking help. 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(possible triggers: rape, stalking, break-ins) I have rape-related ptsd from a very abusive relationship when I was 15 years old. My rapist stalked me long after the trauma, showing up in the cities I lived in, stalking me online, etc. I'm 26 now, and it's been 5 years since he directly contacted me. As of a year ago, however, he was still stalking me online (his linkedin showed up in my and my significant others 'who has viewed your profile' feed a year ago, and we blocked him). &#x200B; On and off, I have had issues with paranoia related to my trauma, but lately I've been getting more and more intense paranoid thoughts about something not directly related to my trauma. In particular, I've been waking up at night, convinced that someone has broken into my home. The house I rent has pretty much the easiest locks to break. Last night I was up for a significant portion of the night in my room, with a baseball bat in my hands. Even the faintest sound registered to me as two people speaking downstairs. Eventually, my significant other woke up and did a sweep of the house. Of course there was nothing. &#x200B; I hate being this way, and I want it to stop. My instinct tells me to put super heavy duty locks on everything, but A) it's a rented living space and B) that doesn't seem like a very mentally healthy coping mechanism. I don't understand why this is happening, and why it's getting worse. &#x200B; How can I cope with this in a healthy way? Has anyone else experienced paranoia like this, even though it's not directly related to your traumatic experiences?",5.803949579831933,7.071594745098042,6.057563025210087,77.58617647058827,67.23529411764707,9.227264239028944,34.179271708683466,9.48565724429506,3.269382072829133,1296,60,232,26,21,414,166,306,0.147,0.7340000000000001,0.11900000000000001,-0.8062,4,0,1,0,0,0,57.0,1,2,0,1,10,10,3,0,18,0,21,5,2,3,0,29,31,17,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,0,15,15,1,3,3,2,2,1,4,6,0,1,11,5,32,4,39,19,5,43,0,0,1,2,13,20,0,1,20,152,47,1,0.0,0.11153129436778292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668850762339561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30597668036089964,0.3431428710832157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06581944061459202,0.09644958885389532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704619095448384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863539545670516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498231394202273,0.1243468940599597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459997442074185,0.09207937890348547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983604051122124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324081595833731,0.0,0.0,0.0929360842311803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09442229705068113,0.0,0.0,0.21723189912861973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824958689563408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673032728208855,0.1061852502520804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197650096064686,0.0,0.1662409590484124,0.08330405722411471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948631429689985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919801658981886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26501015026304026,0.0,0.09032240893767067,0.0,0.09877593571004324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06525943267207898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10611994040154472,0.0,0.09576631427825813,0.0,0.0,0.1100355340276072,0.09462888592385416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10106278197272553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08569444255604025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07786714950560257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797579290279849,0.07246758592211222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517411672193447,0.07869875531471908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227571395995126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248443342405427,0.07473047221839177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195350617300667,0.09799496629087534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15533788839700502,0.055521625365131146,0.2241533368514972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987938400849634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592877952399093,0.0,0.0,0.3431428710832157,0.2424722673936668 ptsd,zrokaway,2018/11/09,"How do you deal with PTSD?(combat enginner) When i served bulked of my service was policing a group of hostiles and civilians we had to deal with drive by, stabbing, makeshift bombs, and car drive attacks. we would go on raids almost twice a week and had to deal with riots(moltovs and rocks) to make things worst, when i got out i started working high profile security. our course was for a month in which we trained on QCQ, dry drills and combat drills, we also had to shoot a lot with an automatic rilfe and our glocks. when i worked there it was 90% of the time to watch and locate ""hostile"" activity among civilians near our posts and facility. &#x200B; I have trouble being in places with many people, its hard for me to sit with my back exposed in coffee shops, i keep imaging people looking to stab me, bikes and cars that drive fast makes me super nervous(when i was conceal carrying i went for my pistol too many times unaware) the worst of all is whenever someone makes eye contact with me i am subconsciously ready to fight, i starting imaging throwing elbows and punches and throwing their heads against a glass door or stuff like that. its incredibly hard to tone it down and too many times i start to grind my teeth and tuck my chin in an anticipation for a fight. because i was a combat enginner we were dealing a lot with make shift bombs, either pipe bombs or gas chambers inside a burning tire. every can or a heavy bag makes me incredible stiff. i just feel tired, i feel like a daily routine exhausts me. i'm only 25 and i feel 40. i can't see a therapist(just started school and i'm broke) what is there for me, will i ever feel alive again? i can only go on with THC. i can't smoke while studying so thats out. ",4.625868263473056,6.172948317365272,4.776687425149703,84.61172574850303,70.31736526946108,7.140407185628742,28.9288622754491,7.554174236665415,1.6526243353293406,1374,52,265,15,25,429,190,334,0.125,0.8220000000000001,0.053,-0.9681,0,0,1,2,2,0,42.0,8,1,1,3,14,14,5,0,16,0,21,8,4,6,2,54,43,25,0,1,5,0,6,2,0,2,4,0,1,0,11,31,0,3,4,3,1,10,2,10,0,1,11,10,41,4,42,29,6,43,0,1,4,0,18,14,0,6,19,171,52,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009378854016242,0.0,0.0,0.08061071860409648,0.0,0.10921810602494796,0.1224845450034528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11467596746858714,0.0,0.07750993473478995,0.0,0.06144750288831945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41568662659451294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118049639958392,0.08492939579827656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20387255131474194,0.0720124290295407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457534013983335,0.0,0.08061996339148979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805962309224064,0.0,0.1034511577548545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10650204891699752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959677742220178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849279254100332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08464765772355981,0.0,0.0,0.1713952263406803,0.0,0.0,0.33642806633953565,0.3065899208500666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08045859145624956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15332777705243147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13976578139811513,0.0,0.10531584578464703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653972794901586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11783126028850192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10201624069734899,0.08032554088203445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540856713623493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853905579905631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539330817392796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117038013823458,0.06696786762101277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17633404842386385,0.2317124035947265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085667789587253,0.0,0.0,0.09344376329940003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676901269450807,0.0,0.0,0.07160631178253445,0.0,0.1224845450034528,0.0 ptsd,nothingiwanttodo,2018/11/09,"Fake sufferer ... Not a real victim of trauma? Does anyone here ever wonder why their trauma affects them so badly? In my case: 1) Others have been through much, much worse... Nobody even got hurt in my case 2) Everyone else involved in the incident seems much better than I am 3) I wasn't even the one who's life was threatened I had a trigger today after a couple of weeks of signs like more jumpiness at loud sounds, and depression settling in. After the triggering event, I still havd not composed myself completely. I feel like I'm paranoid with worry about my neighbors and the normal noises they're making... And I feel like I have no real reason for this. I feel like a faker.",3.4063589743589766,5.71114043076923,4.428846153846155,82.60532051282053,75.46153846153845,6.17948717948718,23.14102564102564,7.1686216300943375,1.111564102564103,536,16,92,6,12,174,92,130,0.228,0.6709999999999999,0.10099999999999999,-0.9614,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,1,7,13,1,0,8,0,7,1,0,5,1,21,15,4,0,1,2,0,3,4,1,0,1,2,1,0,3,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,8,0,1,5,5,14,5,15,10,4,12,0,3,0,0,5,5,0,2,11,64,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066212040515968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12731878075416536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486077636464475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598778411753982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16872198417312365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13133528764090455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344083455266575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273818261957184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20143008571558693,0.13793160207996438,0.0,0.14570615243969046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23130331101515386,0.3268063927460569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121956351953651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632385707145447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077048131058556,0.2979862844565989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178506151473078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3362825228183348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940312979070333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332792441347674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471231037065817,0.0,0.15678019190570475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881680792999312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12177488540719973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14453814912956736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231443742274073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13759418416049185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16536370529210292,0.0,0.15485613221737446,0.15539545581887768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,miss_smarty,2018/11/09,"Is healing possible when living in the same place that broke you? I plan on starting emdr tomorrow and I was wondering if I could even get better while living in the same toxic environment that has created all my issues (ptsd, depression ect. ) ? Has anyone else been through this? I come back home and I get so depressed and anxious from just how tiring it is being there. ",4.45695652173913,6.7648824492753645,5.141376811594203,78.6842391304348,72.33333333333333,8.078260869565218,27.44202898550725,8.841846274778883,2.42852463768116,295,11,50,6,6,95,55,69,0.177,0.759,0.064,-0.8640000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,2,7,4,0,0,2,0,8,2,0,1,1,12,13,8,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,1,5,9,3,10,0,3,0,0,1,4,0,2,5,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23709932079599805,0.0,0.14674967129874975,0.21504201994191366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613811307407551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856176243613657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807889647699432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16756832843952887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615305316173804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753238606704347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386206389778557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21930233657787987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2105220118262206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21905525856103664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37064742375423576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192749914678584,0.0,0.0,0.2366028368937109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453329639230305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855079903253934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24122075335712445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276007817789786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LRACGaming,2018/11/09,"PTSD Awareness and Discussion Stream Hello Reddit. I am planning on regular PTSD Awareness and Discussion Streams. Please feel free to share the link and stop in to ask questions or talk. https://www.twitch.com/lracgaming",9.242272727272725,13.753837393939396,5.1487121212121245,72.8430681818182,69.0,8.148484848484847,35.52272727272727,8.841846274778883,4.108036363636364,186,9,23,4,4,49,27,33,0.057999999999999996,0.737,0.205,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,4,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,1,11,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898859936054585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15678741519972536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3403783075323287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7249414837346719,0.0,0.3473642214839325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2592434932501458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492331817970628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thedonuthasbeeneaten,2018/11/09,"I completed EMDR for my main trauma this week. May remove if not allowed. It was a unique experience and I have learned a lot. I am an open book about my trauma and EMDR experience. I know some are interested in the therapy, so does anyone have anything they'd like to ask about my experience?",3.440526315789473,5.535845684210528,5.62442105263158,75.04294736842105,74.6140350877193,8.770526315789473,27.18947368421053,9.3871,2.6489747368421064,232,9,43,6,5,81,44,57,0.099,0.81,0.092,-0.1027,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,4,0,7,0,0,1,0,11,9,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,0,8,2,5,6,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,4,2,33,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17629045913599506,0.0,0.207475976675612,0.0,0.23570123212649305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643464616366854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22063478085837174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7398748378417831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385603607815844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317469909095513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143461961579629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28832494279038223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20223808691731768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hisonmanny,2019/05/10,Anyone here tried the Comprehensive Resource Model (CRM) for Trauma ? Anyone here tried the Comprehensive Resource Model (CRM) for Trauma ?,9.945999999999998,14.167633600000002,8.370000000000001,52.86500000000001,63.0,8.0,30.0,8.841846274778883,3.6910000000000007,112,4,10,2,2,34,10,20,0.23,0.616,0.154,-0.4515,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7174388899703786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6966214460939822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,smallbadger24,2019/05/10,"How do you stop the nightmares? Do they ever go away? The nightmares are starting to get bad again. This morning my husband said I got horribly mean with him when he tried to wake me up and I have NO memory of it at all. In my dream I was reliving some of the bad things. This isn't the first time, but it hasn't happened for awhile. I don't want to end up getting physical in my sleep again, it's been 8 months since I had an episode like that. I'm so tired.",1.0069696969696975,2.653149898989902,2.4070707070707087,97.39727272727276,80.31313131313131,6.016161616161617,22.11111111111111,6.937597516519254,0.3134929292929294,356,11,87,4,9,115,74,99,0.16899999999999998,0.784,0.047,-0.8839,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,1,1,6,3,0,0,5,0,10,3,2,1,2,10,20,5,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,1,5,1,12,1,13,15,2,17,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,11,59,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239641151028921,0.0,0.39807158970912543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21113228298048609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562668047031866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027643292185601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490854851876833,0.0,0.13547579380266814,0.0,0.1906527796203672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21079700725863285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164595211940808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596636839504452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19027116188312174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267522048994244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19718886570930508,0.0,0.2385502998538148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687252786697866,0.0,0.0,0.19929480392918494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15836784798816486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13900021392332054,0.2739806119938912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184311358672065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406016066800989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ohthreefiftyfun,2019/05/10,Any GWOTs vets want to bullshit? Rough day and I want to talk about some stuff with people who were there. I was a grunt in the Helmand in 2009.,-0.09600000000000007,2.205669066666669,0.3150000000000013,106.1625,91.66666666666666,3.0,14.166666666666668,3.1291,-1.6993333333333331,112,2,27,0,4,33,26,30,0.125,0.789,0.086,-0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,2,0,6,2,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134403356495937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972542543224581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31954280195741164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5276413246816262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37046877201579853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.543723259978457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,crystal_scars,2019/05/10,"Does anyone else experience sleep issues due to their PTSD? I have chronic nightmares that constantly interrupt my sleep. I wake up twitching, sweaty (even in the winter), and really disoriented. I spent the past 2 years on 2-3 hours per night. I'm on about 9mg of melatonin to keep me asleep, but I'd like to know what everyone else does to stay asleep.",4.764117647058826,6.234811882352942,5.158117647058828,82.30452941176472,69.88235294117646,8.969411764705884,26.835294117647056,9.3871,2.178037647058824,280,9,55,6,5,89,54,68,0.055999999999999994,0.893,0.051,0.1664,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,7,5,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,6,1,10,4,0,12,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,8,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460022321585494,0.2118922912003412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234786541596068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36194628702725584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3455117706723789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659025714419534,0.0,0.0,0.19760743047421145,0.0,0.20229127775463726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2036575473354348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21584674775896806,0.0,0.18381442859673372,0.0,0.0,0.11365254362648355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10103263143332072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940689383191512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19741516702599296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24173956255927725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13248215865101232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4139011439566795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204225875225477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317320711551905 ptsd,lenzel816,2019/05/10,"Been a long time coming, but I finally did it! Well it cost me over $15,000, hundreds of therapy hours, a wrong diagnosis, multiple years of effort, and an intense dedication towards becoming a better version of myself..but today I was told by my psychiatrist that it’s time for me to try to manage my life on my own, unaided by mood stabilizers. I’m thrilled, I’m terrified, but most of all I’m proud of myself for fighting so hard to be healthy.",4.796856060606056,5.768101943181819,6.757272727272728,72.73924242424245,69.3409090909091,10.412121212121212,33.984848484848484,10.504223727775694,3.829198484848485,353,17,66,10,6,124,63,88,0.149,0.657,0.19399999999999998,0.5563,0,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,2,7,1,0,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,6,9,4,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,4,1,8,4,15,4,4,11,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,7,43,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914740203984813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334118813015819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273399012119937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891066149045996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364165190107934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25990368195332586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641137719909828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335569810232763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30181046317994364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30778259102105,0.0,0.2501611084972623,0.2521826440195343,0.0,0.1791813531528592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372917990318522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885502536799736,0.0,0.1699529790067054 ptsd,Amber423,2019/05/10,"""Triggered"" Jokes Does anybody else get like, irrationally mad when people make stupid jokes ab getting ""triggered?"" I just fucking hate that because for me personally anyway it makes me feel stupid whenever I'm talking about being actually triggered or what my triggers are bc the jokes stigmatized the whole concept of being triggered. I also worry that it makes people less inclined to air on the side of caution and use trigger warnings on things they think might be triggering bc they're worried ab being made fun of.",15.785677655677652,10.749247494505497,13.097142857142858,55.18952380952382,52.07692307692307,14.770695970695973,54.5091575091575,11.20814326018867,6.416183882783883,426,22,61,6,3,130,68,91,0.218,0.675,0.10800000000000001,-0.92,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,5,10,5,0,3,0,6,1,0,12,0,18,18,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,6,5,8,12,2,5,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,2,2,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.20271376410415934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612099093920474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12662981111333918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178524986582836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17353111722495287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503414073270564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920423267078789,0.2170598989257803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20508960924636493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014860094328046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965584210063784,0.4159826241065967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22036788685845354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880265863808745,0.1813811519744854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16696488719318178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800607069297094,0.13310450345323513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941135929653326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319222679157571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42191823489054747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Potatogatato,2019/05/10,"PTSD from a sports injury Has anyone experienced PTSD due to a sports injury? My therapist recently brought up to me that I suffer from several symptoms of PTSD. I am having a hard time validating this because i just don’t feel like it is that serious. Has anyone had a similar experience or know someone who does? While i understand that trauma is still trauma, it is really difficult to comprehend that my injury has caused me to develop ptsd. It was, however a very serious injury and I have been out of sport for the past 3 years (I was 16 when it happened). I have not been able to step into my training school or look at my coach the same way anymore.",4.947681539807527,6.2237381338582685,6.3590026246719145,74.605135608049,69.23622047244095,10.368853893263342,30.646544181977248,10.504223727775694,3.4683935258092733,521,21,95,15,9,177,82,127,0.20600000000000002,0.757,0.037000000000000005,-0.9615,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,7,0,16,1,0,1,0,12,22,5,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,10,3,0,0,3,4,0,2,2,6,0,0,6,4,13,1,14,16,1,15,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,2,9,69,23,1,0.1506211999351474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14937575721190086,0.21063569022398068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181728546503214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472946285244096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13180962708160213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14733643547884573,0.0,0.0,0.07615860434789276,0.10760381532920807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319382966849913,0.0,0.13492701012316885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277747239967807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358591011763098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648387302696765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378497848211844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7042724897887076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649179755470512,0.0,0.1487202638590043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524366956164539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015908330667429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12762085392078198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202862848335444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15655309856003974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748828222526769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782843294578838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680198107440413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12427826427464707,0.0,0.11955609766874907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09699511444821474 ptsd,Xauxtrate,2019/05/10,"Trigger Warning/im kind of doubting myself about some stuff I went through TW for suicide that is kind of described/death Hello, this is I think the 7th time I’ve tried writing a post. Everything else ends up a book long and as much as I like explaining everything so it makes sense, that would take a while. Also I’d like to say thanks to this subreddit, helped me realize some stuff. Anyway, I’ll give a bit of background first. Currently I’m a 17 y/o senior and I’ve been professional diagnosed with Clinical Depression, different types of anxiety, OCD, and PTSD. I hate listing this shit because I feel like I’m trying to win some sort of contest for how many mental disorders can you have or something stupid like that. So to put it bluntly and shortly, my 14-15 y/o sister who is severally mentally ill, that including Aspergers, attempted suicide 3 different times (one at her old middle school) and was hospitalized multiple times for fear of self harm, and for being a danger to herself and others. This was an incredibly stressful time for my entire family and unfortunately my mom is not exactly what you would call responsible or a mother figure. Because of my depression spiking when my sister attempted to end her life, I missed many days of school and was left with my sister several times at our house with no adult. Because this was still during her phase of intense self harm, letting her out of your line of sight for even a minute could have fatal consequences. I basically had my sister’s life in my hands and she kept trying to end it. The worst part was at one point while I was at school, my mother didn’t want to take my sister with her to go shopping and left her home by herself while she was STILL trying to harm herself. And as you already guessed she tried to make an attempt on her life again because of my mother’s stupid fucking attitude that still irritates me greatly. Now with that said, the notion of leaving my sister by herself for less than a minute was incredibly stressful. My stupid fucking brain kept putting these scenarios in my head of me walking out of the bathroom and my sister is just hanging from the ceiling fan or doing something awful with what we have available in the kitchen which I will not describe. I hated it so fucking much. So we’re going to fast forward to me staring off my junior year. At this point my sister is now in highschool and going to the same highschool as me which I did not like. She seemed to be not suicidal now which was good but I still had my doubts since her mood could change with a snap of your fingers. Because it was my junior year of highschool, everyone stressed to me that this was the most important year because colleges would notice you so take hard classes work hard get good grades then maybe you’ll be worth something. So naturally because I did not want to end up being what my dad told me I would be when I failed algebra I in 8th grade (someone who works at mcdonalds the rest of their life) I decided to just overburden myself. AP Physics, Latin3, Trigonometry which all had to be learned in 90 days plus APUSH which was year round was my schedule and it did not work well for me. No matter how much I tried, no matter how much I studied or how much work I got done, I kept getting fucked to put it simply. There was so much stress and I was not handling it well. That’s when it got really bad. I had to use the bathroom a lot because I’m a really dry skinned person and drank a lot of water, and whenever i would go into the bathroom, every fucking time without fail there would be this realistic dead body leaning against the wall. There are more gory details but I’m not going to describe them aside from there was a lot of blood. But then I’d just blink and the body would be gone. At first I didn’t understand what that was except then it started happening every goddamn time I’d go to the bathroom. Sometimes the person wouldn’t have a face, sometimes it was my sister, others it was a stranger. But it always had the same hair as my sister, just the face would change. The rest of the details of the body stayed the same. I didn’t tell anyone about this for a while. I thought I was just overreacting or faking it, after all the whole suicide thing was done so why did that stupid fucking image keep popping up????? It even started to happen at home! Like what the fuck! When I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom I don’t want to see THAT!!! Anyway, I had a mental breakdown. Classes were killing me, the image I kept seeing was terrorizing reality and my dreams, and I eventually crumbled. Till this day it still really just doesn’t feel real. I didn’t see my sister hurt herself first hand, the worst I saw were her self harm scars and something else after she did an attempt. I talked with my therapist and apparently it’s PTSD??? But I never witnessed war, I never witnessed truly gory awful stuff so why??? Like yea sure middle school was technically worse than this, best friend tried to end her life, I really wanted to end my own as well, I was getting bullied and hit at school everyday, my parents were verbally/emotionally destroying me but that stuff needs to stay in middle school. At this point I think I’m just rambling, it’s late but I just keep thinking like, was the whole bathroom thing that bad????? At this point I’m not exactly good at figuring out what’s considered really bad or whatever. I don’t know. I’ve rewritten this post a lot and just thanks for reading this.",5.105026469768738,6.272793898781633,5.394390562070974,82.06915062438259,68.7750702905342,8.31677094151321,30.070277869246944,8.605353355243054,2.252263112034247,4378,167,831,68,74,1389,404,1067,0.157,0.768,0.075,-0.9985,5,0,4,0,0,3,109.0,2,7,2,15,49,67,18,8,51,3,84,32,14,9,7,144,158,71,8,16,33,17,10,8,1,11,8,2,3,6,68,39,3,6,15,4,2,14,23,43,3,5,59,18,114,23,122,76,31,119,0,6,7,7,68,43,8,19,68,579,182,28,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04291724633038922,0.031101162669176383,0.03236047329556958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029751550660539482,0.0,0.0,0.027193529950094664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09741721944836956,0.1896610094575876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040813762883147614,0.0,0.042458959415069296,0.1295975843853574,0.0,0.04341527947524746,0.03971211548239212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228315893717401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210268572024321,0.0,0.0,0.07524453938349801,0.0,0.06699361744665548,0.03947360222121127,0.0,0.08126574996749254,0.044572518445484696,0.0,0.0,0.07959810399552239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497697219916443,0.04374720233362585,0.2066755877632407,0.0,0.0,0.051374350134952486,0.0,0.06553478246707589,0.03716206973581294,0.06990554513092154,0.0,0.03666302548192015,0.043763249283435966,0.03932897195322595,0.02778377749552092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924213466336257,0.0,0.0,0.03004713265495309,0.2516790759541213,0.08127588436931815,0.03730784379126679,0.13261609696346582,0.09785991539642863,0.062209458971237835,0.04287752548548168,0.042842881749265774,0.0,0.06878246307464138,0.0,0.06967749267865317,0.07679373043546754,0.039913442546644834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026067854408944432,0.0,0.07802179838748688,0.0,0.0,0.04487505590985248,0.041633678790463216,0.0,0.0420090131880184,0.0,0.0,0.06913631332149618,0.04302719021899317,0.08099809822682053,0.021373506764216014,0.0,0.04387080406678633,0.041180011868458134,0.08451049020190951,0.039768738733927535,0.1373495116199435,0.1520016402584715,0.0,0.0,0.034417359885403585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225513697060415,0.0,0.0,0.05192016247412854,0.0788588512479635,0.03907129210659413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757910863719802,0.0,0.0,0.045548733630797436,0.0,0.0,0.17153640192486316,0.028837224529692763,0.05999035841762981,0.0,0.0,0.03649662060816418,0.0,0.0,0.04427772393782242,0.04080962009093998,0.0,0.05270717081490164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04318391418229797,0.042115222708955694,0.0,0.0,0.06791633833614164,0.0,0.0,0.1470584708727548,0.0,0.07449376050662809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092312429926733,0.11728875630753655,0.0,0.0,0.0389015795176248,0.04426653497763317,0.12457302862359887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036994299310550205,0.030927727945071717,0.0,0.2361589440041191,0.09297340688889892,0.03540495586782179,0.12171555671013724,0.08787164460610285,0.039921109125037074,0.03217108262296081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032952264734063874,0.11976093687718935,0.07692849576400075,0.0,0.055054577865160347,0.08290538011859076,0.155292233986005,0.0,0.1781982886232273,0.0,0.1780838136961779,0.17016200778578822,0.0,0.03665435912393709,0.0,0.0877237000287713,0.03125915687883321,0.033992496302670434,0.07161131661628238,0.0,0.04515551243598148,0.051674977733870385,0.0747594531641222,0.0,0.03087515353336235,0.15874380865550816,0.0,0.0,0.03716206973581294,0.0,0.18483131450139206,0.0,0.0,0.0404869598694014,0.0,0.06717876938528022,0.0,0.0,0.0917558075940198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049031873423668,0.03605239766026557,0.07018625612437246,0.08684094815798478,0.0,0.03748958923361705,0.0,0.11325260505429464,0.0,0.039633307647457344,0.2210167173252508,0.0,0.0,0.10017825742468003 ptsd,hateswasabi,2019/05/10,"I just remembered something about my childhood. It hurts my heart. When I was younger, I lived in Brazil. Brazil is one of the most beautiful countries I’ve been to, people are so warm and friendly. However, there are many drawbacks. Pedophilia and sexual abuse is engrained in the culture, songs and others. (There’s a genre called funk. Most teens and young adults dance to it at parties. The lyrics are full of hate towards women, explicit sexual sayings like “even if you don’t want it, I’ll give it to you,” they also often include the word “novinha” which means “young girl”.) The worst thing is: people dance to it like it’s normal. When I was 13, girls were already having sex with their boyfriends (usually 17 year old boys). And I hadn’t even kissed anyone yet. Looking back at it now, I realize it’s FUCKED UP. I felt wrong for being a virgin at 14. At 14, I was attracting 22 year old men. They honked at me as I was walking from the grocery store, some even stopped to talk to me. Some Brazilian men grow up with a misogynistic view of the world and it needs to change! There are so many domestic abuse, domestic violence cases in Brazil that it I NEVER WANT TO GO BACK. Ever. Again. Fortunately, millennials are working their hardest toward feminist rights, equal rights, freedom, etc. CHILDHOOD STORY: I remember being at the doctor one day with my mother. She’s someone who takes a lot of medicine daily and it makes her perceive the world differently from other people. Anyway, she sat down to talk to the doctor about getting me an inhaler. I must have suppressed this memory since it happened, because I honestly don’t know how old I was. I just remember being FURIOUS. (Possibly younger than 12). Anyway, there were 2 male medical students (residents? I’m not sure.) and 1 female in the room with us. My mother was speaking to the actual practitioner. I was laying on the hospital examination bed. And they were doing a thorough examination: checking lymph nodes on my neck, respiration on chest, (they saw I had a surgery on my stomach, and naturally wondered what it was). I just said I was born premature and had to get surgery done. They stopped examining me. And out of nowhere, one of the fucking residents came back, decided to lift my pants and underwear up. He clearly saw inside my underwear, and private parts. I remember the feeling of anger, embarrassment, sadness that went through my veins immediately. That lasted 5 seconds. He didn’t touch my skin, he didn’t sexually abuse me, but he looked at my private parts without consent. As young as I was, I knew it wasn’t okay, it wasn’t part of their protocol. I didn’t have a rash anywhere down there. How can someone disrespect someone else like that? How can I forget that for so long? Why did my brain release this memory of my childhood? I would have rather never remember it in my life. My mother didn’t see it because she was talking to the actual doctor. I didn’t tell her because she had so many problems and didn’t need one more. TL;DR - a resident looked at my front private parts without my permission when I was around 12. I didn’t tell my mother because I was sad/embarrassed/angry. I suppressed this memory until now.",3.667847999077385,6.22548444816054,4.5129742820897265,81.07066889632108,75.75585284280936,7.669288432706723,28.872217737285204,8.590058470249806,2.5106287856071976,2532,111,450,53,58,815,292,598,0.09,0.858,0.052000000000000005,-0.9728,2,0,1,0,4,0,99.0,1,2,8,1,37,21,5,1,25,1,54,19,8,4,7,78,85,32,0,10,9,4,5,3,1,2,6,4,2,8,31,22,0,4,17,3,2,8,17,11,0,5,40,17,70,10,67,40,14,72,0,2,7,5,46,32,2,8,35,320,101,5,0.0,0.2445514288494753,0.1342783986715793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592287704475159,0.05501960053780744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048106791729363114,0.0,0.0,0.06124688187975205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870962524590196,0.0,0.16776017490008074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680392400033201,0.07025283117527753,0.07868925103922593,0.0,0.0,0.07278162851768592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04437052234528796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188170339766888,0.0,0.2112601649591322,0.0,0.07040662646578273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05747384900978876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07673055657899114,0.1363259109819025,0.06223383906776335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034787515011033304,0.0,0.06605910792589771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315496573446294,0.1272095963560135,0.07189066754389818,0.06599954748176548,0.03910081410474298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060839906254113625,0.0,0.0,0.06792608394275472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152872452403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365217822679339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037810863110425065,0.05608145313023155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048595709065768836,0.100837100734835,0.0,0.060751953519782485,0.060886128682822324,0.1733248528877885,0.0,0.0,0.05849158183085657,0.0,0.0,0.04592475576509148,0.2092582136246016,0.0,0.07494373091246008,0.0,0.06930909619479704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202914862827372,0.10612611468474382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0674097175368442,0.0,0.0,0.21658312450117728,0.0,0.18648354176083065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2980162194777397,0.0,0.14309246204241188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0775620367411289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06583262590971191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896868209153577,0.11751021499295555,0.06544487072374965,0.0547127853443973,0.0,0.0,0.05482495688964454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05691234548405955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748828937782234,0.052965856751932036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504031623282933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484349856692229,0.0,0.051729287257642136,0.16589730193526595,0.12026904509967964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04570788338301268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827583280755367,0.0,0.0757738455147134,0.0,0.08116043658152695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377859692248362,0.062081598303628235,0.0,0.0,0.13264212954998955,0.07461102508496606,0.05008746100775895,0.0,0.0,0.048873781780932164,0.07522236244040592,0.0,0.08861031603075918 ptsd,meticulousmayhem,2019/05/10,Knock on the door A church group just knocked on the door asking for the ex roomie who raped me and I'm shaking and want to cry. This is a ton more reactive than I expected.,0.5074324324324309,2.6129964324324355,1.7310135135135134,99.12733108108112,84.67567567567569,5.8621621621621625,20.06081081081081,7.1686216300943375,0.20322162162162186,136,4,33,2,4,43,30,37,0.237,0.73,0.033,-0.8442,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,4,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,4,2,3,1,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,0,20,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5999055318413283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7048804376457851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37849296095232704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shabadadu,2019/05/10,"Cop triggered me I was pulled over for a late turn single on a very dark road and only a male officer was present, and it pulled out some heavy repressed memories and I became disoriented and shaky the cop took it as me hiding something from him and I couldn’t talk only stamper out yes or no’s, he searched my car while I waited in the cold and he found an old pipe and grinder, more cops arrived all male and it just made it worse I wanted to throw up but it was stuck and it felt as if I wasn’t there but rather back in the room where ‘that’ happened and I can’t even remember any of the cops faces they’re all blurred out just like ‘his’ face is. It’s been 3 months and I’ve laughed the whole thing off but the repressed memories keep coming back at night.",2.9685849056603786,4.154310716981133,3.3070597484276725,94.95228773584907,73.90566037735849,6.557861635220128,23.94182389937107,6.816661863887847,0.4769408805031441,600,17,139,5,12,185,105,159,0.091,0.85,0.059000000000000004,-0.2144,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,3,10,1,8,2,2,2,2,39,19,19,0,4,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,9,15,0,4,3,0,0,6,4,3,0,0,10,2,12,2,16,8,6,27,0,0,0,0,7,13,0,5,9,87,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395825514790533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315661629180686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17681168453592305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557104395342798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19707997165707566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250549200594204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18150906629908006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18244283669701733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23154008530665834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027874317798144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942201839418947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383506287009764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19262082901773672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153838553495364,0.0,0.0,0.3122160795814704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23251742275201465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1580177189067247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16497869150793168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636436586055578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280493094960547,0.0,0.22326187925659893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16935943478691398,0.12106654966568604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22916334647070666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20917554690147103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NEPat10,2018/12/05,"EMDR therapy for help with panic attacks? Some backstory: Three years ago I experienced a random panic attack while I was driving. I didn't know what it was at the time but I thought I was about to die (heart attack or suffocation) It took me a bit to get back in the car and drive anywhere. I transferred schools and lived away for three years without a car and I didn't think anything of it anymore. Now, I am out of school and living back home and I am severely limited by where I can drive and I still don't drive in the same place anymore as where I had my first attack. So I started seeing a CBT therapist in August and just went to see a psychiatrist last Saturday. My psychiatrist treated veterans at the VA suffering from PTSD. He asked me if I've ever had a near death experience or been through something traumatic. I told him no and that I didn't know if I could call my first panic attack a traumatic experience but it was to me and I've never felt so scared in my life. He told me that counts. That's when I sort of reassessed what I've been dealing with. I've been sure I've had panic disorder, except I only ever get them when the variables are the same as the first time. (Me driving, hot day, etc.) I haven't ever suffered a random panic attack since then. It's for this reason why he suggested EMDR for me. I was wondering if anyone here has had success with it and could share a little about their experience with it?",3.1048817762399064,4.854614740484429,4.5809904844290665,83.66668757208767,74.60553633217994,7.584832756632067,25.88249711649365,8.344100000000001,1.7154600922722034,1136,40,226,20,24,379,146,289,0.255,0.695,0.05,-0.9969,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,5,17,18,6,6,16,0,24,2,1,1,5,46,40,25,2,5,10,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,13,15,0,1,7,0,0,9,8,14,0,5,21,5,33,4,33,17,5,47,0,2,2,0,14,13,0,10,25,164,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858292568007661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345846152200635,0.054098184281576873,0.0,0.06366807185826691,0.0,0.07232954496497898,0.5281102513609064,0.07269069621424394,0.1189839278428012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08446687925604951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07900237098752354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354565746485133,0.0,0.0,0.0498965864946694,0.07976401307969863,0.0,0.0,0.08029677815988105,0.0,0.08867154507645747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628685556897309,0.0,0.2099539944408448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270451022649477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428634638860176,0.0,0.0,0.1974300246922142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084418937755819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168260457599388,0.05185879119880436,0.0,0.07760738739862659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503992749717015,0.06306603864348052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054647993138341504,0.0,0.07754403570431287,0.13663643983861642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967172100772975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05884258973874189,0.0,0.4538790940114323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083410880437494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044018821435428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954818920738664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745983830014717,0.1566030608006563,0.12330610770018045,0.0,0.0,0.08740491638544398,0.0,0.06400041331407623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05956241470679253,0.0,0.0,0.054762156740219364,0.0,0.0617869611417874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291934067584868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08847816248533684,0.08983133993908937,0.0,0.0495749133646221,0.0,0.061422321730026125,0.0902289397511123,0.0,0.0,0.1478587370262183,0.08595977488967305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172181235746293,0.0698134634381484,0.0,0.0,0.0745809282841478,0.08390335001326198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964616291289394 ptsd,peachyscars,2018/12/05,"i am the most touch repulsed person i have ever known sometimes. I'm not sure if I have ptsd, but I thought it'd go here because I know I've been traumatized but I don't know if its PTSD. Whatever i am so fucking touch repulsed. unless its with a few people. my whole life I've been lonely, I've craved love and affection. but whenever i receive any, my skin retracts so hard it gives me a cramp. i hate being touched by people I don't know, or haven't approved to touch me, and i push and hit people who try to touch me. i don't even like cuddly animals. i get disgusted by it to the point where i avoid people sometimes just so no one touches me. does anyone know why i would be like..this fucking anti touching? I've never beeb physically or sexually abused (that i know of) and I have a good relationship with my parents and whatever. or does anyone know how to not be so disgusted by affection??",2.3920652173913006,4.1871216847826105,4.158043478260872,85.73423913043482,76.71739130434783,7.208695652173913,26.17391304347826,8.07648339933343,1.6360608695652177,706,27,145,12,16,238,98,184,0.265,0.644,0.091,-0.987,1,3,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,0,1,11,11,5,1,5,0,16,6,1,3,3,36,32,19,0,3,12,1,9,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,7,0,1,8,0,0,3,8,7,0,1,3,9,24,4,11,23,3,7,0,1,0,3,7,2,2,6,3,93,31,0,0.0,0.15864633930105915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105471756717677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724813277814475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08162251725623178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343487613800755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843786695874503,0.1211177231129036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2475716892858817,0.06995578367343518,0.1284464374561473,0.07609688952453658,0.11230665569737047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994563067652825,0.1321958077849638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4415185420795173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457558336862766,0.1308308601800103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12084749056010788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326980920652537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09073223793693892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486770439793306,0.0,0.0,0.3713099594863089,0.1169139089510424,0.0,0.0,0.1265761751539205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31303742623038344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1437555305929038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648555964539354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261965680206383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629945540300316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090743954491703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082143647860268,0.14949149136860868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511676055815843,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bakingnomad,2018/12/05,"One of my traumas I am a 43m. When I was 7, I was sexually assaulted by two older boys and a teenage girl in the woods. I was alone, and they suddenly attacked and assaulted me. Then they laughed and walked away. As a result I became very religious, and insecure and girls and women. I was a virgin til 29. I used to have flashbacks, sometimes the scene playing for hours. I blocked the memory for a long time, but recalled it when I was about 23. I bawled uncontrollably, almost like seizures, for 45 minutes. ",2.4075757575757564,4.7893782929292925,3.765949494949497,85.69559090909092,79.20202020202021,7.192323232323233,28.081818181818186,8.238735603445708,2.125734545454546,397,18,78,8,10,130,69,99,0.177,0.758,0.065,-0.8235,0,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,0,3,9,3,2,8,0,7,1,0,2,0,12,8,13,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,7,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,6,0,2,5,0,14,3,11,3,0,12,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,1,10,54,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31047185067852545,0.3211199097021729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527284102164253,0.29130364707485856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053383316597028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514755310012137,0.0,0.0,0.27438587401747844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100989613844364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066489210290529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18079355811731976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028753220551218,0.0,0.0,0.26778499882868906,0.0,0.2558250083856867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Throw_Away_3_1415926,2018/12/05,"Does PTSD ever occur only once? So I’ve been going through something traumatic and have not been able to get it out of my mind these past few weeks. Recently Ive been having trouble sleeping and get extreme anxiety lying in bed. Last night though, something weird happened. I was turning on my side after at least an hour of replaying the event in my head when all the sudden it was like I was being pulled in the past. I froze, and even though my room was still technically my room, there was a few seconds of holy shit, I’m back in the room where it happened. It was like a spike of adrenaline, and I blinked a thousand or so times until it faded away. Was this a possible flashback? And if so, is it possible for that to be the only one or is it likely to happen again? I don’t really want that to ever happen again and surely don’t want it to last longer. Any advice or help is greatly appreciated!! 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You can get better for good, get peaceful & restful nights, but it will take some consistent work to get there. There are a some things that I recommend to everyone I work with…. * **Make sure you have an ideal sleeping environment**, clean everything up, make sure it is the right temperature, comfortable pillows etc. and only use this space for sleep. This helps clear the mind as much as possible * **Meditate every single night before bed and every single morning when you wake up**, do it for a minimum of 5 min…up to 15 to 20 minutes. This is a practice that has a compounding effect, it is likely that the effects in the beginning will be hardly noticeable…but your brain actually grows, and create more and more neural pathways that make it easier and easier to calm your mind and your thoughts before going to sleep. * **Awareness, awareness, awareness.** Your mind is going crazy, you can’t calm yourself down and get to sleep. Start becoming more and more aware of EVERYTHING you do, your thoughts, your feelings, your actions. Everything. Know that you are separate from your thoughts. This again takes practice, do not give up on this. You can’t solve a problem you are not aware of. If you commit to these practices you will see a huge difference in how you sleep. Never give up on yourself! To your recovery! &#x200B; \-Kayleen",2.8987307488050966,5.923623026022304,3.1115177907594287,86.44366542750929,84.53903345724908,6.494360063728094,24.786086032926182,7.760100539840176,1.778267041954328,1170,46,206,23,35,358,141,269,0.03,0.759,0.212,0.9942,0,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,20,0,7,8,12,0,0,12,0,23,11,10,8,5,39,46,16,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,3,1,0,3,0,20,8,0,0,8,0,0,4,5,2,0,0,4,3,25,10,28,37,12,25,0,0,1,0,24,13,0,4,9,141,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.08279325793988886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838518870163579,0.1030919485276596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083927335158256,0.0,0.09370098892299024,0.1443880709222841,0.0,0.0,0.15007117323481226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471139294873032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864151597633567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462091930740674,0.0,0.0,0.14296557822661365,0.08106987751958114,0.2287507405531508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04289851133004073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773051403745267,0.16277577369502247,0.09643498343323086,0.07116119035407735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600149611535564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373520254146678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09325355599712948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04144936774960602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16989747513381911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569977856759942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062368409478893674,0.0,0.06543514723274647,0.0,0.0,0.23885455656398466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452593386089707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09564626593377132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118204613288428,0.0991754038868256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07245434587196016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760784820512397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5943207822621099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005138998110699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992459116843194,0.0,0.1275807952831971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273010748577225,0.0,0.0,0.2020644920863308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327598603492742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353153209436435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030919485276596,0.0 ptsd,almojoye,2018/12/05,"i spill everything that happened, or why im excited to leave public school (tw: r.pe, abuse, threats) i was a year behind my ex boyfriend. he was a junior and i was a sophomore when we met. at first i was scared of him and i should have trusted my gut but no other guy had ever shown me affection AND accepted my identity (im ftm) at the same time. we started dating and it was okay. he acted weird towards my friends. he'd pull me closer to him when they were around. i didnt notice. the first time he threatened to kill me was about a month into the relationship. he told me if he even got suspicious that i was seeing someone else, he'd kill me and hatefuck my corpse and watch the light fade from my eyes. i had a panic attack and i had to tell my friend about it. he told me to break up with him. i didnt. i couldnt. one time we were in the movie theater and i had my head on his lap. i turned to look up at him and smile and he put his hand around my neck and squeezed. i'll never forget the fucking look in his stupid eyes. he looked like he wanted to kill me. i was terrified. i didnt tell anyone. he always talked about how we were gonna get married. just us two, in his hometown. he wanted kids. i told him i wasnt comfortable having or raising kids because my parents were abusive and i was trans. he ignored me for 2 hours and then took me home. he stopped making efforts to call me a boy. i was his ""wifey"". he called me girl every chance he could. all he wanted was sex. and it hurt, it always did. he guilted me into it nearly every time. the worst was last december. i said no. i said i wasnt feeling it. i said i dont want to. i said not right now. i held my shirt down and he made the conscious effort to pry my hands off my shirt and take it off. i couldnt move or resist after that. all i could do was avoid crying. ill never forget that day. the anniversary is coming up. i dont know how to handle it. i broke up with him 6 days before my birthday this year. every day at school is fucking awful. everytime i pass certain spots i want to puke. the staircase where we met, the corner we used to hang out in before i had band practice, the bench we used to sit on, the table we sat at in lunch. and i see him. everywhere. i hear his voice. i hear his name. i see his truck. i even see his face in my current partner because of the slightest similarity in facial hair. he contacted me again recently. lied to me about getting ""rapist"" tattooed. i told his mom what he did to me. his family is ostracizing him now. he's legally not allowed to talk to me anymore. i still live in fear that he's going to come down and get me. i'm always afraid. i never feel safe. he's in my head all the time. part of me hopes he's alive and suffering, but part of me hopes he's dead in a ditch. sorry for just. Dumping this all out. i havent gotten to write it all out before. 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Before I go on, consider this your trigger warning if you are sensitive to some topics. Now that's out of the way, is it worth it to go out of my way to get a PTSD diagnosis? I have been formally diagnosed with major depression and GAD but over the last 2 months I've been digging in my brain and I feel like I know why I deal with those. I was molested when I was 8; my parents separated and my mother dragged me away from my dad when I was 12, and then I had to put up with her abuse (I still do); through high school I had suicide attempts and bullying for being gay, and I had a scary encounter with psychedelics about a year ago. At this point it feels pretty natural to look back at my life and say ""Well fuck, that's probably the issue right there."" It feels right to associate my previous mental health issues with a PTSD I never realized I had, but is it worth it to go to a doctor and get an official diagnosis? I'm kinda scared they will keep me on a involuntary hold again, they did that before and it cost me 21k.",8.553942652329752,5.35344211059908,8.984761904761909,73.59079365079369,63.3778801843318,12.962416794674859,37.47516641065028,11.20814326018867,3.8124607270865334,826,29,178,18,9,279,129,217,0.17,0.75,0.08,-0.9774,1,0,0,0,1,1,21.0,0,2,2,1,9,6,2,1,11,0,18,7,1,1,1,30,32,15,1,1,3,3,3,1,0,1,4,1,0,0,14,16,0,2,5,0,4,4,1,4,1,0,10,5,29,2,29,20,2,32,0,1,1,2,10,14,1,3,13,124,43,2,0.0,0.15898882952453264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894806334827847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607245101289322,0.10318098598252087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283653251171648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14979629483849746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13834018870783038,0.1155744681668839,0.13619627532369874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13734536947925985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20354588348645605,0.09586272334879492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12405307704036893,0.21032041861876,0.0,0.22878350895329416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14263376774517936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177519893436474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2801112801631378,0.0,0.1192709536772428,0.0,0.0,0.07374528414150837,0.10937974846221694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477975582432854,0.0655566507785432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268270080361227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352282348299916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071062287128264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034927510039159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899801220489564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268494313961122,0.0,0.0,0.13651571338148955,0.1446755326769191,0.0,0.31371322031764404,0.13489429937603228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22918874316296525,0.0,0.10671033585275322,0.13434390063866725,0.13580370487214513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1071613567825084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677803872668346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130216866458976,0.0,0.0,0.12064960363086352,0.0,0.12108226922748455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641158117011483 ptsd,n3ssypoo,2018/12/05,"Today I cried about my abuser for the first time in months I should asleep because I work tomorrow but it was so startling. It felt like it just happened yesterday. It started with me thinking how I haven’t really found anyone that I can fully trust since him. I haven’t ran into anyone worse but still haven’t been treated any better. In fact things have happened recently that remind me of how he emotionally abused me. My thoughts kind of spiraled after that and I just started crying. I feel so pathetic. Here I am crying and he probably hasn’t thought of me once. At least I don’t have the nightmares anymore. I haven’t been to therapy in a while. I’ve been so busy and also haven’t been able to afford it. Thinking about getting a journal so I can use that until I can go again.",3.0116208791208763,5.101022634615386,3.9595604395604416,86.52115384615387,75.85897435897436,6.508424908424907,25.88644688644689,7.447530270364453,1.3772523809523811,625,23,120,8,14,201,93,156,0.163,0.75,0.087,-0.9244,1,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,14,6,0,1,4,0,19,1,1,3,1,21,34,14,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,5,0,0,7,0,0,2,7,1,0,1,10,2,20,5,16,23,1,21,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,15,89,30,1,0.14257266341854125,0.3378505849930435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401530742572287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695430014955804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14139377169370465,0.1993802424835684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08691097230832412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609393474910047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4698281282062537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037505658999018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208902245363287,0.0,0.1368921152610822,0.0,0.0,0.1212722346705323,0.0,0.15632356650859972,0.0,0.0,0.07448833216651185,0.0,0.0810273302090748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521530708151287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14846748927785988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06965380172289998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380013971812868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518352334723793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15371744510369867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133569896761116,0.0,0.14077330503153593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793758048506885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20182732997022976,0.0,0.11385871317466427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16304426594992572,0.0,0.0947189424269302,0.1827096117735384,0.0,0.22637353846655564,0.0831352665783392,0.0,0.13514221433681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313700496373277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103794597000924,0.0,0.1452937243468901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Drcure,2018/12/05,benzos and PTSD did it help anyone?,0.91,3.4918457142857164,2.3114285714285714,90.95857142857143,91.85714285714286,2.8000000000000003,7.0,3.1291,-2.040314285714286,28,0,5,0,1,9,7,7,0.0,0.69,0.31,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605915087738103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4415253339579749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7700070399150669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,meghans5,2018/12/05,"Stress Effects on PTSD I’ve noticed that the more stress I have in my life the more frequent my episodes happen, and they’re more severe. I looked online a bit and couldn’t find any information. Does anyone else experience this or have any information?",4.988617021276597,7.327288234042555,4.8095212765957465,81.50875,70.91489361702128,7.253191489361702,26.643617021276608,8.07648339933343,1.6821531914893622,205,7,37,3,4,63,36,47,0.188,0.812,0.0,-0.831,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,3,0,3,1,0,1,0,8,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,4,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,1,1,20,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31193971369562634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037095740196622,0.2350021932896228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503972078719477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20071086782486847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1915973994509798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22435405123234364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20962711045115406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281863877159556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16200083415140554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19260116641841712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2611231786575696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2681047388958181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25910685004535383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5254527493551713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,7booksinthelibrary,2018/12/05,"How has your support system been able to help you? I've been having a really tough time with my symptoms lately. So much so that I get a flashback and I completely black out. Every time my flashbacks has gotten to that point my support system has tried to help, but I guess they don't know how to. Have you guys been able to steer your support systems into the right direction in order for them to help you? What seems to work? What doesn't? What kind of experiences have you all had? ",2.6942708333333343,4.883544052083336,3.3200000000000003,90.25833333333335,77.22916666666666,5.933333333333334,21.08333333333333,6.937597516519254,0.4429458333333338,383,10,77,4,9,120,62,96,0.013999999999999999,0.828,0.158,0.9196,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,6,2,1,4,5,0,0,3,0,12,1,0,2,1,11,20,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,5,1,14,4,13,15,2,12,0,0,1,0,12,5,0,2,3,55,19,1,0.34120115473907525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788714595601475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373834437640348,0.0,0.0,0.1668801003516326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08913176039641979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18793576965170533,0.16892139338040796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3430499127149073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17765424860622056,0.09375761573175936,0.0,0.19244488211094604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254110539206275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16127268859399094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092910983403734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145691960927867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15530835832764167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.58078654047193,0.0,0.1773193216813605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895713719535715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1158265935179063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419925216809345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bileaf,2018/12/05,"My relationship keeps triggering me and I dont know what to do My boyfriend is a good bf. I just came from super shitty relationships. And now i dont know what to do with them. My first boyfriend played so many mind games and raped me a lot. It was my first relationship and I felt really scared to leave or he'd kill himself. When i broke up with him he wrote an 11 page letter on how I should go to hell and that hes going to kill himself because of me. Then my next relationship was hard because i was really really in love and he was an abusive narcissistic person, i felt like that whole relationship was a lie. After that I was in a bunch of pointless shit. I struggled with sex addiction, borderline drug abuse at 19, losing jobs, etc... Now im diagnosed with bipolar too. Its been a fucking struggle. Some days i want to end it. Now im in therapy and I take meds. However, My relationship now triggers me so much. My bf is good to me, hes smart and creative. Hes very optimistic and funny. He treats me well and likes to spoil me. The catch? I can't even take half of it. I feel like its all a lie and I always think about leaving. That's not fair to him. I want him happy. And i do love him, but I just dont love myself in the slightest. I compare myself all the time to him and I think why cant i be better like him. Then i start hitting low lows. And it doesnt stop. We broke up briefly and he'd message me everyday and i ended up getting back together and now i just feel sad again. I want to be happy for him and be a good partner, i just keep fucking comparing so much. He doesn't understand mental illness much nor really understand a lot of my struggles but hes still supportive regardless. I wish i was more normal, im so confused. What should I do? :-( ",0.8039577656675759,3.0038388474114437,2.9070510899182587,90.5621570163488,84.2316076294278,6.394795640326978,21.98153950953679,7.645422480735847,0.9473433787465936,1375,47,302,25,40,464,173,367,0.15,0.682,0.168,0.8026,2,0,1,0,1,0,45.0,1,0,1,5,22,37,7,5,13,0,32,13,1,3,2,64,63,30,2,8,8,0,5,4,3,2,5,0,0,2,13,24,0,3,10,2,0,4,9,18,1,3,12,5,64,19,32,43,13,37,1,6,0,7,38,11,4,5,26,209,77,1,0.0,0.17195417802637314,0.0,0.07910603648452888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060379492715345574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05579763586421456,0.0,0.08846931435716457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417742004010192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08299447816939258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04679811155293431,0.0,0.0,0.0736514591735091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551352270207481,0.0,0.0841518041695675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12854125084236465,0.0,0.0809286200950867,0.04792818033588001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733816021126288,0.05184010677387902,0.13934663548678244,0.0,0.0,0.1234466853483305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416945679713588,0.03791196611517405,0.0,0.08248017663820152,0.1825910268627608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544925593200623,0.06500355577602553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351463975137915,0.0,0.07200908808129944,0.12899735700505469,0.16056377758511764,0.0,0.07975912368055836,0.0,0.0,0.15367069597031052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418054341616115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0811811353211742,0.0,0.12338351800894252,0.1964769341419765,0.0,0.0,0.07356903267417315,0.0,0.0,0.08060282195556745,0.0,0.07312796765561612,0.0,0.07326947823127236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600298122317152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717318903594192,0.0,0.07109782157829482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0633605389260706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859467556140324,0.0,0.0,0.46744282046631896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07264974236323378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448643583138502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136153993784419,0.0,0.05795011849836847,0.060667186992452875,0.0,0.2275805716813431,0.0,0.0,0.08234535607581027,0.0,0.0,0.1091189748364099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298385137888731,0.0,0.0,0.09299282731945974,0.0,0.0,0.042312954496663314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108444652048364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059873327632103714,0.1284012999194668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06524421710505025,0.0,0.06547819158379116,0.08101569388072903,0.0834456155227551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,abakesacake,2019/04/20,"Dizziness - anyone else? How to help? Hi there, I’m not sure if the “advice” tag means I’ll be giving advice or asking for it, but I’m definitely looking for it. I have a lot of trauma. A very unstable upbringing and three separate accounts of sexual abuse, two of those instances were performed by family members when I was a child and the third when I was 18 years old. I have been working very hard in therapy (once a week for three years) and feel like I’ve finally broken really important ground on the unstable childhood aspect. I think that my body and my brain have made enough room for me to start really dealing with the sexual trauma in a big way. And it is ruining my life. I’ve found that my more recent symptoms with vivid flashbacks and memories that were foggy before is a VERY intense dizziness. It is completely debilitating. I cannot drive, leave the couch - anything. I feel like I’m going to be sick if I try. The dizziness has occurred before, but never like this. I need advice on how to bounce back. I’ve tried appealing the young parts by watching TV shows from my childhood (this usually works, but isn’t now). I’ve tried drinking water. I’ve tried grounding exercises. But I am still unable to move. Does anyone have any advice? Thank you so much in advance.",3.860679442508712,5.933813418699192,4.855807200929154,81.11329268292684,73.34959349593495,7.937746806039487,26.34843205574913,8.704169506293173,2.095701742160279,1015,36,185,20,21,331,145,246,0.13699999999999998,0.76,0.10300000000000001,-0.9151,0,0,1,0,1,0,32.0,0,1,0,4,9,8,0,0,13,0,18,8,2,3,2,28,34,18,0,3,8,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,2,1,10,8,2,0,5,4,1,4,4,3,0,4,7,6,17,5,22,25,5,31,0,1,3,0,7,9,0,4,20,113,27,2,0.0,0.1287527737307396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4247530274880544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07389737134618424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15196516085591769,0.11134231123668883,0.08942378482583,0.0,0.1015890928799762,0.0,0.0,0.08355831149428157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493543930531392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207046786116774,0.0,0.12130844986231062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393541307111313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203103430495212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509533337163646,0.0,0.0,0.1064524124814674,0.0,0.0,0.0907774390663664,0.0,0.0,0.11228218866590248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244169431201794,0.0,0.10989072695119252,0.1552636316079724,0.0,0.11903952381700345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191478936635755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042434081439944,0.06175803136543179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09734439959045936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283728327462123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150627950678587,0.0,0.0,0.07675480404754803,0.15926780484158104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125301647495583,0.0,0.0,0.09238490369144464,0.0,0.10282346112459632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11837035597099654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549595648598955,0.07988284026566901,0.08057529626229566,0.08381078590633223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140278678966979,0.11572694160068303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767590682773735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392298856958667,0.0,0.10729567622579037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07691515037297146,0.0,0.08678170638628659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241747927838038,0.11294675076133055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004608880006326,0.12427032785737255,0.0,0.0,0.06962950590597332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.295111379077108,0.0,0.10615199116223296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968148579825623,0.2689852759706841,0.0,0.08625490577697363,0.08716621296526005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582219224206279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13995613140097352 ptsd,dasisteinwug,2019/04/20,"I need... a mom? Currently in my 20s. Had a traumatic experience in 2016, death & separation related. Can't even go to an airport w/o havign a panic attack and take a plane w/o crying. Still have flashbacks occasionally, minor anxiety attacks multiple times a day, full-blown anxiety/panic attacks several times a week. Feel really helpless in general. Recently went back home for a few days, tried to tell my mom about my symptoms and tried asking for consolation/help when having a bad moment. My mom just either dismissed my feelings or said ""I don't have the correct words to say to you"" and then leaves right after. All I wanted was a hug, or even just a pat on the back. But alas.",4.2229386892177585,6.380739891472873,5.81464411557435,74.26205073995773,72.56589147286822,9.342071881606763,28.7815362931642,9.800150414767053,3.1649472868217052,542,22,94,15,11,184,91,129,0.24100000000000002,0.736,0.023,-0.981,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,0,9,7,3,1,13,0,7,2,0,0,2,17,16,8,1,2,6,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,6,0,0,4,4,9,1,12,12,3,21,0,1,0,1,8,5,0,2,14,59,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14725563875202868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396880851555483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705509669234571,0.4638429502312468,0.0,0.2090088422956607,0.11347702343885906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14928792519505546,0.17529809221854692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953114554382998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329435407331997,0.0,0.0,0.1374377557920684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723932190175585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109588250973408,0.0,0.13632622899462613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143906340125613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4775194025030212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077363393445804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15945808093823546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706577688636571,0.0,0.13419218669119007,0.0,0.0,0.1160641987948334,0.12927908414155828,0.10807903968538997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353670630882565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853584556624876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14125985312243775,0.1021854700911906,0.0,0.11878908025273212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849742549985832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845444414389687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016172080221713,0.0,0.1090167389297522,0.0,0.0,0.12598754504041107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BentNeckKitty,2019/04/20,"TW suicide, relationships, assault... does this happen to anyone else? My main trauma is childhood abuse, but recently my ptsd symptoms have been linked to my ex boyfriends death. He killed himself two years ago, and I have close relationships with others who have been suicidal or who have serious mental health issues. I worry about my siblings killing themselves for no rational reason. My current bf was hospitalized for wanting to kill himself twice within the past year, my mother has been hospitalized, many friends struggle with thoughts and I’ve been hospitalized for ptsd episode/suicidal thoughts last fall. Everyone currently in my life who i worry most about is recovering and thriving, and I still completely freak out when something is even a tiny bit off. When I call my bf or my mom and it goes straight to voicemail, all I can think of is the scene of my former bfs lifeless body on his bed. I think immediately of for example, my mom in the same way. Dead somewhere. I think of the funeral, the grief feelings come back, how I would probably have to be sectioned again.... picturing the dead body the whole thing. The flashbacks for this are more intense than the ones of abuse i faced as a kid or the time I was assaulted, and I wasn’t even close in proximity to my ex when he passed. I just called my current bf, it went to voicemail because he has no service at work, and all these grief feelings come flooding back. The phone going straight to voicemail has become a massive trigger. I haven’t got to a place with my therapist yet where I can talk about it, and I’m so stuck. I’ve been able to prevent myself from crazy behaviors used for contacting my bf and family when I worry about them (for the most part) but it still will send me into a panic. I don’t know if this is really part of PTSD but I didn’t really know where else to put it",6.754361471861472,7.156146568181821,6.468165584415589,78.5438257575758,64.85227272727272,9.772943722943724,34.375541125541126,9.606745405546679,3.123045021645022,1480,62,277,27,21,463,189,352,0.265,0.706,0.028999999999999998,-0.9987,3,0,1,0,2,1,40.0,0,0,1,1,21,13,5,2,17,0,30,6,3,4,2,48,49,23,11,3,8,5,2,0,5,2,3,0,1,1,14,18,0,1,11,0,0,8,6,12,0,3,14,2,39,1,43,32,12,48,0,2,0,0,29,17,0,6,22,192,53,2,0.08639077142220693,0.20471787482366127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07658020634491297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060406436063893176,0.08851755451109015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285834127920476,0.0,0.05266301240882723,0.0954118196576288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431634737942103,0.19192134328952365,0.0,0.0,0.17642927337873698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14883600003710598,0.0905790801829753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07560114624870841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433680820317796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412057950719508,0.0,0.0,0.08255008428909424,0.0,0.0,0.08144153071509519,0.0,0.0873635395666211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674529569922283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04909786627534888,0.0,0.06909459185350048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639507385875356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182935020720802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016952033772344,0.0,0.0,0.28673576616303165,0.0,0.09495621731957668,0.07042000913176265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102035673414431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08758668265437138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706157826729329,0.0,0.0,0.20235965473474604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058540622526425036,0.0,0.0,0.1013609563324153,0.0,0.1871055734620652,0.0824697666420399,0.0,0.0,0.09025996879780916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314386324238556,0.0,0.3029585661438181,0.08684658657049524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106882806703918,0.08882410138469095,0.08530046451910821,0.18550271532758025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650783651203307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798356330656653,0.0,0.0,0.09031439173796024,0.0,0.28349244643890353,0.0,0.0,0.08979308994326128,0.0,0.06943762964491013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003063441893079,0.05739418980016015,0.1660671540626686,0.0,0.13716924513284426,0.050375153552469326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843912306094424,0.0,0.0,0.07461388876637598,0.0,0.0,0.05095551529252408,0.06857297319553346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008511062048798,0.0,0.09645221110058401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289351050448838,0.2632020656612681,0.0,0.06136952534601357,0.0,0.0,0.11126564872640043 ptsd,RonnyronDaDon,2019/04/20,"Will everything work out? I dunno how to move forward in life. I'm a loser, 25 but turning 26 in two weeks. I use to think highly of myself and went down hill quick. No job, can't get a decent one after hundreds of applications. I have no criminal record and have attended college. I have no wife, no kids, no ambition besides take of my grandmother ( my mom's mom) that is very crippled (post cancer and early onset dementia) and can't take care of herself across the country. with my past life and I've been chasing thrills to hopefully get hurt and either die or suffer from some sort of Trama to induce a brain injury to stop thinking for awhile. I wrote a short poem to express my current state. I feel like suicide is my only option. Mom you spent 9 months forming my heart to break it each day you never called to say you loved me. You made me question my role as your child each time I came home because you never hugged me. My fears and insecurities free to great heights because you never gave me strength to overcome them. Your boyfriend physically abused me, and you watched, this was the first of many times I felt that I was jumped. When I fell I didn't have you to kiss my wounds, but when I touch my scars, I dunno if I ever healed You left me in life me in life, like being dropped in the woods without a map or a compass. I never had parents and I never will and I can't get over the fact that you'll never love me. You said I should've been aborted, and I'm now know I'm living proof of your cowardice ,a living breathing regret. Maybe now you'll love me.",3.4869811320754738,4.801464128930816,4.2347327044025125,88.30134433962264,72.80503144654087,6.557861635220128,25.828616352201266,6.816661863887847,0.9581672955974851,1235,40,255,10,24,395,183,318,0.237,0.675,0.08800000000000001,-0.9955,3,0,0,0,1,1,33.0,0,15,1,4,7,19,0,2,11,0,20,15,3,4,9,51,47,20,2,3,7,5,3,2,0,4,7,2,1,2,5,16,0,1,7,0,2,7,16,6,0,3,14,6,55,14,33,28,5,48,0,4,1,5,35,15,0,10,26,164,60,3,0.0,0.11587980891666885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11923882699872038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091797837258221,0.0998671488947666,0.111859849894811,0.09971602857436468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307443397604733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150341312578186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846783778673405,0.0,0.0,0.08789845868643006,0.0,0.0,0.1100548504963308,0.04945181401469784,0.06987002858698163,0.09390560717235068,0.0,0.0,0.08319064109839007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532930960854393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782745189679864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589627257765173,0.0,0.10333356758942523,0.0981037456951319,0.09713981550743236,0.0,0.0,0.1046994537636156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0970537554004038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053749621658198465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626255496141887,0.0,0.2763228090158873,0.095562590002742,0.0,0.17272255897191865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648113566791405,0.09254296184862708,0.0,0.09915624669683597,0.09825562045543076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436348410216377,0.0780649140832389,0.10394843528756564,0.0,0.0,0.4525872759662138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627341318454248,0.07438310518200321,0.0,0.0,0.1085979514089234,0.0,0.0933634232781446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366762991441603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095610311216728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303244495102213,0.07777636557883169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176715584216893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10697991256163693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14707041257568768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533561189478082,0.0,0.0,0.11405869024062973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638088768609916,0.09553869866701484,0.0,0.0,0.08446984104563303,0.0,0.08069719322724647,0.0,0.0,0.07845115728168922,0.0,0.0,0.09066377153207753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427798908515232,0.0,0.0712012860199569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anon16218,2019/04/20,"is adulthood better than childhood for kids with ptsd? if this is in the wrong thread then let me know, i have no experience with reddit at all and im sorry as a background, ive been abused (a lot) and all ive been talking about and looking forward to is moving out and being on my own away from my family and town. im so so close to being able to move out, just one more year! i keep getting the inevitable “youre not going to like being an adult as much as you think you will” but i think im in a different situation. so adults, i know the symptoms of ptsd wont magically go away once i grow up and leave, but was it easier to cope or recover once you moved out?",3.574100156494524,3.6901649859154944,5.188685446009392,85.96421752738655,71.67605633802816,8.282942097026604,25.63693270735525,8.167268648758528,1.2783261345852883,516,14,118,7,9,176,93,142,0.077,0.882,0.042,-0.204,1,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,4,0,1,5,3,0,0,7,0,15,1,0,0,2,26,24,17,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,12,0,1,4,0,0,7,3,1,0,1,3,1,14,2,25,15,6,22,0,0,1,0,8,13,0,3,5,85,16,0,0.1333742521854165,0.1580266793206048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25061900068020765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795868751436175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934770627123189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13046561114980462,0.1257333749559423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968254194762713,0.0,0.1515993222556399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43220123849050224,0.0,0.0,0.118549163519114,0.0,0.0,0.1465980019261518,0.0,0.0,0.14122407534261766,0.0,0.13638420924164113,0.0,0.0651599226240934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120007806719806,0.0,0.0,0.11339001969964795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252671678345477,0.09804542159442502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840784514255364,0.09037784503361518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118147269467189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991824761851538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14930155581071766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13862691610972044,0.0,0.1072011717797578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709216707682993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458238073238782,0.0,0.08588864556078182 ptsd,FirmPotato,2019/04/20,"How do I sleep? tw I have never been a good sleeper. I have two major traumas that I can think of associated with sleep. One, I woke up to being sexually assaulted when I was 19. The other is from childhood. My parents were abusive and my dad was an alcoholic. They always fought, especially at night. I can remember being three years old and them waking me and my sister up with their screaming, fighting in our bedroom doorway, my mom breaking a porcelain wall decor thing over his head. So when I lay my head down to sleep, it all comes rushing back. Sometimes I hear doors slamming or yelling. So I avoid it like hell. I do whatever I can do avoid it and sort of just tire myself out until I pass out every night. I’m up until 7am. Every night. I’m lucky because I work from home and it’s not a big deal if I sleep in, but I don’t want to continue wasting my days and I feel like I’m missing out on regular life. I’ve even tried Ativan, it used to work but lately it does nothing. I also have bipolar disorder and fibromyalgia so maintaining a healthy sleep schedule is a big part of keeping my symptoms at bay but I’m doing a horrible job. How do you sleep?",1.4514406779661009,3.7372570593220367,3.3416,87.91865423728814,82.22033898305084,5.979389830508474,25.117966101694908,7.24861992348623,1.2531985084745758,910,37,184,13,25,305,145,236,0.146,0.7979999999999999,0.055,-0.9521,2,2,1,0,3,0,25.0,1,1,3,2,11,13,4,2,8,0,20,14,9,3,2,34,34,22,0,2,7,4,1,2,0,0,5,3,3,0,9,13,1,3,3,0,0,3,3,9,0,3,6,4,33,4,26,26,3,36,1,1,0,0,14,16,1,4,18,126,42,3,0.0,0.1275670517899766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11506261428156045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610076331539739,0.08958705118627193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278879857117298,0.0,0.06563242449795664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274505092093692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943590657309473,0.11099930775201933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339499657513905,0.0,0.09421957264061928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111262701821425,0.0,0.18142713358160065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054439355557254536,0.07691688171260451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030544938398008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2209935304584152,0.0,0.12134783257607833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799815537218564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684226663230277,0.09569882343486896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145236361707287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07604794661387075,0.10520070737112264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609756025449664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303894787253924,0.0,0.0,0.3031128057385851,0.0,0.10330879314241677,0.0,0.11297775191934198,0.0,0.07295752392973552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955077093395793,0.1165921949931742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196501758207764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6464647981780534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648480052725284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11190659110779427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152875721269987,0.06898826742632815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12374666275545106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309840302406002,0.0,0.10517440643664122,0.0,0.0,0.09298918153298176,0.0,0.0,0.0635044190831456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15676481047276275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06933361723177456 ptsd,Shadowhull,2019/04/20,"I'm not really sure... [NSFW] Preface: I'm not looking for an official diagnosis, I understand that a doctor is only good way to fully diagnose. And note that I am currently in a safe environment and in no way am in danger. The only issue is the mental issues. Also here's my trigger warning if you're reading to read. I've been having a lot of issues recently. I... need a public place to vent where things can stay anonymous. It's been getting worse recently but I've had what I can only assume is depression anxiety and PTSD which left untreated for the last 7 or 8 years as I do not have a good way to get to a doctor. I self harmed for years but stopped after Thanksgiving (American holiday) in 2017. But since before that I've been having an issue where occasionally I would have violent flashbacks of my abusive father and self harm and feel like I'm back in those moments and then to only get shot back into reality starring into nothing while in the midst of a panic attack. It didn't happen all the time and would usually be a few days up to a few weeks apart but recently it has become common and happens 1 or 2 to 3 or 4 times, if bad, a day. This mixed with a constant depressive feeling of dread, depression, and regression has made everything incredibly hard to deal with and I've start to crack recently and break down more often. I... don't really know what else to say. What are your opinions? I'm just sort of struggling right now and need to vent. Thank you everyone.",4.7671501706484625,5.739125945392495,6.313261092150171,75.89289505119454,69.40955631399318,9.682525597269628,29.667064846416373,9.888512548439397,2.9383707849829355,1174,44,218,28,20,402,171,293,0.215,0.7340000000000001,0.051,-0.9951,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,2,0,0,9,18,3,3,18,0,24,3,0,2,2,48,43,25,0,6,13,1,3,1,0,2,3,1,0,2,13,16,0,2,5,3,0,0,6,12,0,0,6,5,12,6,34,34,5,46,0,3,1,0,8,16,0,10,26,142,25,4,0.0,0.1059022866074208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147823505991985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06837648978373291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016841916358608,0.0,0.13745748531686747,0.07462969562351685,0.0,0.09871468116617918,0.07605694747259921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658948841862924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528715566550007,0.0921482493938399,0.2309520830283416,0.0907201910179981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18297120277308915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466665059658274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540771237861615,0.08033019601244648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038779456061166,0.06385405586928647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14009420233211894,0.0,0.0,0.1499376751078233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15807926912398193,0.0,0.08006813528239243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731636387603045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04912165364356382,0.07285773161130105,0.0,0.0,0.09711310068912464,0.0,0.0,0.043667213857314466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07505782457729854,0.0,0.0,0.07598882933109558,0.0,0.08457479660016205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900753802969006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255028021520915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576381806210727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719141840973922,0.0,0.10486975851585023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338448919554382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448201760454387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881108012201427,0.0,0.11451996591636775,0.0,0.3530132089942791,0.0,0.0,0.07633118640543765,0.0,0.07107963877241219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18648848738161095,0.0,0.0,0.07393717817935813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06326458112883795,0.09526862887543563,0.0,0.07472681266930709,0.0,0.09344079608922236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424086666149304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822903403402656,0.0,0.0,0.0593809987823765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423797050456364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09304913984050912,0.0,0.0,0.09844093174346004,0.0,0.0,0.21284027104516487,0.07169632933295425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910872339520192,0.1269878962499611,0.0,0.0,0.11511732066517087 ptsd,chickennugget103,2019/04/20,Getting triggered/ coping Does anyone else have it where if they get triggered they feel the urge to cut their hair??! J thought it was just me.,2.9566666666666634,5.737758000000002,1.905185185185185,97.43333333333337,80.1111111111111,3.6,23.814814814814817,3.1291,-0.11316296296296267,114,4,22,0,3,32,25,27,0.099,0.9009999999999999,0.0,-0.4122,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,6,6,1,0,1,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,13,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133235776045548,0.4591338053926149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3921373806690992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37433200891381546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265740089372077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4682299596687746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557432073701533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,IamnotCountOlaf,2019/04/20,"A 5yo with PTSD My 5yo daughter was recently diagnosed with PTSD and severe separation anxiety. Her father killed himself in front of her nearly two years ago. She was alone with him for at least an hour before I found them. She has severe behavioral issues at school now, and severe anxiety at home. At home, if I’m out of sight for just a few minutes she will have a panic attack. I mean, just taking out the trash or doing the laundry sends her sobbing in fear that I’ve died. At school, her anxiety seems to manifest as anger. She pushes, hits, throws things, hurts other kids, tries to run away. She’s already had to leave one school and was suspended a couple of weeks ago from her new one. Yesterday was so bad she bruised a teacher’s stomach, pulled another’s hair out, threw a chair at the kids, scared some of them so badly they hid under tables, and then she *choked* one of the kids. When they removed her so she couldn’t hurt any of the kids or the teachers, she started clawing at herself and digging into her own arms. I have her in regular therapy, music therapy, and a sport (I thought physical activity would help as an outlet). But things seem to be getting worse? I’m so alarmed and shocked by the choking (where would she even learn that) and self harm. Is this kind of rage “normal”? Her next therapy appointment isn’t until Wednesday, so I have what feels like ages until I can bring this up. I feel awful and so incredibly sad for her, I feel horrible for the people in her school that she’s hurt, I feel like I’m failing everyone at every point. I’ve suggested taking her out of school, but her therapist and even the school director think that will hurt her more, but I’m concerned about the physical violence to those around her. Does anyone have any experience with this? Any suggestions I might look into for her?",4.709980443285527,6.160083635593221,5.120000000000001,82.60521512385921,69.98870056497175,8.609995654063452,28.022164276401572,9.057496981413335,2.232594002607561,1453,51,278,28,26,462,191,354,0.209,0.7759999999999999,0.013999999999999999,-0.9954,0,1,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,4,1,16,22,4,4,19,1,21,4,3,0,0,46,43,28,2,5,8,2,5,2,0,5,1,0,2,5,12,21,0,0,11,1,0,9,2,19,0,4,8,7,45,3,52,27,5,51,0,7,2,0,45,25,1,7,19,188,57,9,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725947700179067,0.0,0.0,0.0801856171054977,0.08543686180209335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579484002763683,0.08118348909955977,0.1776823542648365,0.0,0.0,0.05413511021587144,0.0,0.0,0.06892180047240769,0.0,0.08807845415152661,0.0727403128863722,0.0,0.12928790834779338,0.0,0.0,0.0658802342143799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566572934809934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785814791527387,0.08035158653457555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775232328374968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227271383775392,0.0,0.06523119062400287,0.07397983066891728,0.0,0.07573335900463535,0.0,0.08712102944013768,0.1565871172497333,0.1106202732557005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488898796457818,0.0,0.0,0.04044968570005514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189418858490582,0.0,0.15532072013815182,0.0,0.07624485997397104,0.0,0.33152647620962056,0.0,0.0,0.08080822573991661,0.0,0.0,0.08565573094258593,0.0806228721102397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197848845960931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756487440531507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501479782048476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08433501771971838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213227598394555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747744396329995,0.0823389436330335,0.0,0.07585690829285605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573890098012926,0.0,0.0,0.09083777988222183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053674515421892194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318860905042587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18100384040414289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07644466962630705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07751271025763565,0.4701298612423171,0.0,0.14096376539640265,0.08076780383154454,0.26239372974000585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054799535883872194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642308981380935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656156657445885,0.08989265634370137,0.10287118370287332,0.049608751838461314,0.0,0.061464246919319315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05256430797136533,0.0,0.07562983132232727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062103083619915386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07889941032488777,0.10999642538050584,0.0,0.0,0.04985708932300748 ptsd,LuciferisaWoman,2019/03/31,"Trauma recurring, seeking advice. NSFW Tw* [sexual assault] Recurrent smells tastes and feelings. Unending. It's clear to me that I am blinded to of and from myself but that seems to be of little concern to doctors or anyone else and I've lost hope. So depression, yes. I feel abandoned and abused. Continuously. Everyday is traumatic or in fear of more. Every time I lie down it begins again and I don't even make the decision to lie down. But it becomes total blackness. The the tastes and feelings of begin again. It also happens when I sit or any other time. I feel kept from reaching out or contacting others, even reporting it. It’s not only interoception of, but that happens as well. There is no reprieve. There isn’t a single moment where my body, if not my mind is over focused on the awareness that it *will* happen again, even if the situation is safe. It’s become so bad that I can’t talk about it or at all. But I keep trying. I’m working on developing my treatment plan and finding a therapist, but anyone with real resources or coping skills would be awesome. I’ve been trying so hard for so long and I’m exhausted physically from constant fight or flight responses, emotionally, mentally I’m not a part of anything anymore. Just a hollow formless response, continuing to try to make it back to some part of life instead of like like absence and what feels to me, not only like derealization, depersonalization, and possibly an abduction, but is hopelessly ignored every time I talk with any professionals or have. And I make a point of mentioning it every time because nobody seems to ask about it. I’m kept from appointments, making phone calls, hearing my voice and it’s articulations, and interactively. I’ve tried calling crisis lines and feel kept from hearing or feeling present, even when I know I have. I know I’ve called again today, in tears, gasping, but could hear none of it. At all. I feel worse than forgotten, I feel I know I am and have been abandoned. Even if a part of my blinded soul feels and know that it could be untrue. The days look and feel, and artificially so, extremely short, uselessly almost present. Just like me. Only for use by someone else, no matter how unwanted it is. I know in another life I’ve written similar and made progress. And in yet another, still kept from progress. I need more than the tiniest amounts of motivation I try to continue to want to exist until the next task and goal I set for myself. Unable to remember them cognitively anyway. Guidance, coping skills, research on helpful medications (ideally non-sedative, as I’m exhausted all the time anyways), suggested routines, social advice, seeking therapy and topics to touch on would be amazing responses.",4.132280816326535,6.8417153040000045,5.239991836734696,75.66905714285716,74.96000000000002,8.001632653061224,30.40408163265306,8.841846274778883,2.999502448979592,2172,101,359,49,49,714,251,500,0.157,0.73,0.11199999999999999,-0.9839,1,0,0,0,3,1,77.0,0,0,1,10,32,23,2,1,16,1,25,11,1,8,5,107,74,53,0,12,25,0,13,4,0,3,8,4,0,0,25,25,2,9,22,0,0,0,10,14,1,0,9,24,32,9,60,56,13,51,1,6,4,0,18,19,0,17,34,247,57,7,0.0,0.08244058069506248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359849781230025,0.0,0.0,0.06967403057442073,0.0,0.0,0.055642870368249935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463317999437562,0.14592078912646364,0.0,0.0,0.06900437745480957,0.0973035045643398,0.07129263726371668,0.05725817421540835,0.0,0.0650476379392387,0.0,0.0,0.05350250345591459,0.05809615298587303,0.0424151464826871,0.1536906501109959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07728737415916181,0.0,0.0,0.21314599560218625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519094978363601,0.0,0.11110747619980116,0.0,0.0,0.04487315790913196,0.0,0.05992890379591545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121778334685415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624984182931287,0.07826781057404136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22978371702847544,0.0,0.1758717243571555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07829652005855768,0.3869975220101032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06359459601986249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845873279971125,0.0,0.06232975490246605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23526417621054946,0.0,0.04663781412560674,0.0,0.0,0.06910835350792507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06184564482052845,0.0,0.0,0.1911959496251976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829241628687113,0.1359725302656582,0.06973715044500567,0.0,0.06157585537530105,0.0584294337930474,0.0,0.07595447474962648,0.0,0.0,0.06583800564883728,0.1857799916213174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07009423945667459,0.07011998414663813,0.0,0.07025567394685693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05159247464005833,0.0,0.0,0.0739988128376513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15875551856102946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260441420777073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577531777803508,0.07844067048284788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079196944937791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882024968723178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12668551273803472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821051131108,0.0,0.0709277537751976,0.05895466399251259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556644770353236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11185107338469577,0.0,0.0,0.07957046434706537,0.08078740822693985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20286244740698686,0.0,0.06595343102083198,0.0,0.0,0.23620028481597025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060094530808463414,0.0,0.0,0.04103991675324183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256051707345094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05065485886278607,0.0,0.07090767066010907,0.09885486181143097,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Herondale36,2019/03/31,"I feel dumb asking this So, during my early childhood my parents were always fighting. It would be so loud and they would sometimes drag me into their arguments. I always hated it and stayed away from them while hugging one of my cats. Now years later, every time I hear someone raise their voice I want to run away and hide. I can’t stand it. I know I can’t be diagnosed through here, but could this be some form of ptsd? I’m too scared to actually bring this up with my psychiatrist ",2.6942708333333343,4.883544052083336,3.442916666666669,89.37708333333337,77.22916666666666,5.933333333333334,22.125,6.937597516519254,0.5780500000000006,383,11,77,4,9,121,69,96,0.158,0.81,0.032,-0.8735,1,0,0,0,2,0,9.0,0,0,4,0,5,5,3,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,0,13,17,7,0,4,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,4,0,1,1,4,16,1,11,10,2,15,0,0,0,1,8,4,1,1,7,55,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.20207461255511008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3446047549637579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358648550996674,0.0,0.3891061782899803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533195141915338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21017602086245896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744689999385898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047029706513397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044429667155876,0.0,0.0,0.2333877472053155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380260099915268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403188815998312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22993146653396015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420587353861261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20731746441867252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754533533929744,0.0,0.20480174370714005,0.0,0.0,0.22071361518726296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074666960898002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213776705163285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2941992342830999,0.0,0.0,0.13334903794984998 ptsd,dataposer2000,2019/03/31,"I watched “dirt” the Motley Crue Netflix biopic and lost my shit during the scene when Nikki six fought with his dysfunctional mother. It brought me back to a hazy onslaught of painful memories of my own mother and her screaming, yelling and violence. Instead of leaving and becoming famous, I left (or she left me?... can’t remember details of this final departure) and moved in with my best friends older sister who needed a roommate. I was 15, her sister was a stripper, and I received $450 a month in ssi benefits from my fathers death which my mother agreed to pay to her sister for my rent. I don’t like to walk down memory lane ever but for some reason this scene had me afraid, anxious, and balling in empathy. ",9.63688888888889,7.6231344296296335,8.918333333333333,71.19750000000002,60.25925925925926,11.666666666666668,41.018518518518526,10.125756701596842,4.156629629629629,568,25,100,9,6,180,93,135,0.14400000000000002,0.785,0.071,-0.7906,1,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,2,1,6,0,5,2,1,1,1,16,9,10,1,1,2,7,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,0,5,9,0,0,2,2,2,4,2,6,0,1,6,3,19,4,17,3,3,16,0,1,1,0,16,6,1,2,7,69,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469949522300985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811657049177378,0.0,0.0,0.24146482261901944,0.0,0.0,0.2294436039940348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19776758170272654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395036010087163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16891660849252246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23150255375050294,0.475094430835613,0.0,0.0,0.10681385913178387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386655760684712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17451211265376199,0.23237406025635776,0.0,0.1621148420992546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326427103774915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2247928606970373,0.0,0.0,0.2476704678621509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22442535326410096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,k_gohar,2019/08/14,Failing my class in college I keep dissociating in class and im absorbed by traumatic memories or feelings when im home. Its really hard for me to practice advanced music theory and i feel incredibly stupid. Im managing panic attacks all day and can hardly think straight or ask for help. Im do emdr once a week and its been real rough for me,2.5442016806722703,5.018724176470588,5.030924369747903,76.29558823529416,79.29411764705883,8.003361344537815,28.831932773109244,8.841846274778883,2.8643756302521006,276,13,49,7,7,97,50,68,0.242,0.6759999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9226,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,2,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,12,8,7,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,5,5,0,7,7,1,7,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,2,3,26,7,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16273627445504246,0.1980350142522493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226373120552427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603471981309796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3118733415039039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667855067416184,0.0,0.17461104036471892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7521218581530685,0.0,0.0,0.15472552345042745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18538379265205066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423906399027886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19813503112036415,0.11151666113268703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153998979665003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963216280590696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throaway-ptsd-em,2019/08/14,"Would any shooting survivors be willing to message me? Just going through a hard time, and desperate to find somebody who understands. Thank you in advance",5.909871794871794,9.506089730769233,4.582307692307693,77.64602564102567,74.76923076923076,6.5435897435897425,43.28205128205128,7.793537801064563,4.414066666666667,127,9,17,2,3,37,25,26,0.131,0.78,0.08900000000000001,-0.0516,0,0,0,1,0,0,3.0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982352199603007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40083506299581984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24924323738527346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39286280276142893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40376628770294304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557273321162976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4565554791972455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115397945861004,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,goodgonegirl123,2019/08/14,"I’m just so sad and I feel so helpless. I’m currently sitting waiting for someone to see me so I can get some government assistance. Just some food stamps and Medicare. I feel so defeated. This is my third visit here and it just feels like they don’t care. I keep getting turned away. I just need help so desperately and I feel so defeated. I feel alone. Today is also the three year anniversary of the assault that put me on this path. I feel like people look at me and think I’m fine and I don’t have any problems. When in reality I can barely get out of bed. I just stay in bed and watch YouTube to try to get over it. I didn’t want to post this because I don’t want people think I’m just attention seeking. Seeing people shame other people for speaking about their struggle has really effected me. I just want help. I’m barely living.",1.0514912280701765,3.4672422631578965,2.8567807017543885,89.80938157894741,85.43274853801171,5.993099415204679,22.000292397660818,7.365786028017652,0.9430980116959068,661,23,136,11,20,219,94,171,0.184,0.71,0.106,-0.9588,1,1,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,3,17,12,1,2,2,0,10,1,0,1,0,34,38,15,0,5,7,0,6,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,7,8,1,2,10,0,0,2,4,8,0,2,1,11,21,4,16,37,2,16,0,4,4,0,6,7,0,2,6,83,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462851149335965,0.0,0.11167282543475776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09496234216448723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311996285378212,0.0,0.0,0.08512535779702572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14237581539748506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4236475786624403,0.19952263310403268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16885742752918334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2918317795310505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720013691024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412152450502932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13644548291440647,0.0,0.12330773458766275,0.0,0.11726533726674712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354385703139292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3872447728565728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13373983476958595,0.0,0.0,0.1336199330650382,0.0,0.14038024824467898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945917699179466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22255551768313064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831945147742247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884134943870247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598566544639902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789557827060286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13236567309466707,0.0,0.0,0.09480874368747456,0.15189198610854468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470959942816072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08992581059382608 ptsd,WtchyBlkLdy,2019/08/14,"Having A Bad Day (Trigger Warning) I’m really struggling today. It’s really bad. It’s been a while, but all of the pain and hopelessness and anger and bitterness and misery cane flooding back after some random correspondence I received... I had a fairly bad panic attack/break down. I’m struggling to get my work done for the day (I work from home) and I’m so incredibly triggered. I’ve been doing better the last 4-6 months or so. It’s been hard but I’ve been doing well with managing my depression; the anxiety and PTSD have been moderate but somewhat manageable. Today, I felt for the first time that in a while that I wanted to die. I’m sorry if I trigger anyone. It was fleeting but it was there. It terrifies me. I’ve been terrified of falling back into that really low, dark place I had been in for the last 5 years. Today, I felt like it was trying to come back... If anyone could comment/relate, it would be really appreciated. It’s been 45 mins to an hour since my partial breakdown and I’m still not okay.",1.6624010382868268,4.18672589552239,3.7277136058836255,83.9020960415315,83.57711442786069,6.679731775903092,21.674453817867192,7.893859768569023,1.3476253947653043,799,26,151,16,23,271,111,201,0.321,0.618,0.061,-0.9965,0,0,0,0,0,1,32.0,0,0,0,4,8,16,2,3,11,1,21,1,0,3,1,30,31,18,1,5,8,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,12,10,0,0,2,0,0,3,1,12,1,1,16,4,12,4,16,12,3,29,0,3,0,0,1,6,0,6,21,101,24,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09511954513670466,0.0,0.0,0.1738824459287835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145438127327847,0.0,0.2868287079447212,0.3114554164970515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996837759772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107107658616603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09927514845994496,0.0,0.0,0.1603776655059545,0.0,0.10709361826710112,0.0,0.1290449982015003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12724270294657836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23877125971419785,0.0,0.0,0.10576330194552472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06496237154158441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1113839659229947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472287676770892,0.0,0.12244957744525647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2027069336983657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06074610633906977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09924677788901932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323062282223572,0.14588587042379694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299085425882285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14534647831357006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.318620833022854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10285510091781844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918813621354578,0.0,0.0,0.09929786066312997,0.0,0.0,0.2599737438798127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07250349039361019,0.0,0.3535785464658525,0.0,0.0,0.08441850771308829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07333878813222752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179634049160188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1810415934487636,0.0,0.0,0.08832736930023717,0.0,0.0,0.0800707027639218 ptsd,j_miles,2019/08/14,"Health trauma? Not sure if this is talked about much, but anyone have trauma related to stuff like a previous illness/hospitalization? I don’t know if it’s necessarily a trauma response, but ever since I was hospitalized in what was basically a kind of ICU for something that nearly killed me (that came out of nowhere, not a chronic condition) I’ve been incredibly on edge and anxious. Anything as small as a cough or fatigue sends me into a panic. I’m fully convinced I might die, to the extreme of spiralling into a full blown panic attack over like, any small “symptom.” I’ve been in and out of clinics/emergency rooms way more than normal because I get everything checked out; I’m terrified that the one time I don’t I might end up back in that hospital again. It’s taking up a ridiculous amount of time and energy to be constantly hyper vigilant of my body, and it sucks. Whether this is some form of my old OCD coming back or something, it’s been incredibly difficult to relax and *not* be convinced that I’m not going to die before tomorrow.",7.39580909090909,7.208471290000002,7.961909090909092,70.36345454545454,63.6,10.872727272727275,36.18181818181819,10.436869588844218,3.83765,838,36,147,18,11,279,121,200,0.264,0.637,0.099,-0.9919,0,0,2,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,5,18,4,2,10,0,14,6,1,0,2,30,24,14,3,3,11,0,0,2,0,2,5,0,1,0,13,12,0,0,1,1,1,4,6,11,0,1,6,0,10,7,30,14,6,32,0,1,0,0,2,17,1,7,12,103,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948414857724616,0.0,0.0,0.16526926989774715,0.0,0.10229135601002584,0.0,0.12038654330851145,0.0,0.0,0.16642922632833348,0.0,0.22498032945227786,0.0,0.08917875812394957,0.0,0.1244844328417248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249836715731725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673200374179748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260183289972645,0.0,0.1580905897991398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036577449054097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957203524311978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13233025024334782,0.0,0.0,0.13147857260872325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643197148649945,0.0,0.08314159294536386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555024491807348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185135364475953,0.152341481908749,0.08039871960769494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14294258529806145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103871719882201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10754207091525446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433359234157331,0.0,0.0,0.15350972768218024,0.0,0.09913181525169333,0.0,0.0,0.34328625707197663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101494994774607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252467526775825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674703028610987,0.0,0.0,0.13787927147916795,0.1520542764832406,0.10999401017604338,0.11758464424199715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17060906426080094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612044793357727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,M30W-M30W,2019/08/14,"Being monitored by people Have any of you ever had the experience of someone feeling the need to monitor you once they've learn your diagnosis or have seen you in a state of hyper arousal? A big part of my trauma is having people look over my shoulder or having someone monitor me to closely. I was in an abusive relationship when I was younger where the guy in question would control me in various ways. Such as convincing me to shave my head, controlling the way I dress, forcing me to cut myself, trying to convince me to commit suicide, ect. when we broke up he stalked me for almost a year afterwards. He would do things like follow me downtown or walk behind me quietly and brush up against my back. He would also have his current and ex girlfriends keep tabs on me and he had a page in his notebook that was dedicated to things he had learned about me. This is a huge part of my trauma as it is also paired with some childhood experiences that I won't get into here. Anyways there are people in my life currently who have only known me after a retraumaization event where I kinda lost my shit for a few months after being assaulted. (Different trauma event) It was difficult for me to recover from this incident because people felt the need to monitor me without my consent or knowledge and would actively gaslight me if I brought it up. They would rather convince me I was going crazy than own up to the weird things they were doing in order to make sure I was safe. Idk has anyone else had this sort of experience? How do I convince people that this is not the right course of action to help me?",7.769025974025975,7.097938857142861,7.855162337662339,73.03131493506496,63.02597402597402,10.687012987012988,36.45779220779221,9.978442167317967,3.5785350649350636,1280,53,230,23,16,416,173,308,0.12300000000000001,0.7859999999999999,0.091,-0.9109,3,0,0,0,0,3,19.0,1,4,2,3,15,17,3,0,15,0,34,5,4,4,3,43,47,16,1,9,8,1,2,1,1,6,1,1,0,1,14,8,0,4,7,0,0,5,3,10,0,0,15,6,43,7,48,24,7,43,0,2,2,1,21,20,1,10,15,184,57,2,0.0,0.1295683198938658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10950368138663788,0.0,0.0,0.17490301904479688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436545227306607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764638694917738,0.11204757600180047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408758677404353,0.0,0.06666206401604259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453028595595841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425316446723095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135244176327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891826034087747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209118253945835,0.0,0.0,0.05529339854362367,0.0,0.10499837602152473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713370631404924,0.0,0.06214921925259635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10827908297370363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223023518663998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07329864938880981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09720014372276932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077240984532276,0.053425546465414184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918310315755507,0.0,0.11937438575465502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07299560841676674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728647255276308,0.0,0.0,0.16217135303802147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645997950315295,0.0,0.0831697433489167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368425797419041,0.0,0.3790664806895045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12250312509993015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740682234733048,0.0,0.09338895216418323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122517923824402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853130266433152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11961710726475044,0.0,0.10306621234907304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21795269466768302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424516859059625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17360252366288145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541474621795187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3884148513468231,0.0,0.0,0.07042132095108335 ptsd,heyrainyday,2019/08/14,"Facing a trigger in a few hours... please send your thoughts/prayers It’s one of those ordinary and somewhat unavoidable things that (non-ptsd) people wonder how it could possibly be a trigger. I’m doing lots of deep breathing right now. Just gotta get through this.",5.169081632653062,7.343260142857144,4.3589285714285735,85.62982142857145,70.0204081632653,7.348979591836735,32.65816326530612,8.07648339933343,2.4689142857142854,213,10,38,3,4,63,44,49,0.0,0.946,0.054000000000000006,0.3182,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,0,3,2,2,3,0,9,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,4,4,3,6,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559366766142004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747649069533554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31568160199525397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27252396437324106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21721601852890154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22223212188318486,0.0,0.0,0.35187256945826323,0.0,0.36137702342672096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747110449516189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273751783092811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129621595577557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476276706091693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,harisjabbar20,2019/08/14,"I am worried about living in my home town with my parents after years of bullying in this area I dont know if anyone here has had a similar issue, but moving back here just filled me with fear seeing places where I walked to school and kids would beat me. I have mild ptsd from school bullying mainly from my skin colour and the fact I had ocd which was fun for bullies to mess with me with. Took me years to stop panicing, any sudden movements and I would flinch (even my own mother thing to give me a hug). Anyways I dont want to get into the details of it. But I am soo scared I will run into the assholes I went to school with living back here. I applied for a retail job too and got the interview today and I am worried they might see me working there. I dont know its irrational to some extent but I cant get over this anxiety as well as anger I feel. I would be happy if i never see those people again, but i avoid places because of it use a train station that is out of my way because the closest one is too close to my old school. I dont know has anyone here delth with something similar.",3.891542940320232,4.342701065502183,4.688890829694324,88.63714992721981,71.09606986899564,7.329374090247453,25.31033478893741,7.0316486544052195,0.9014731295487626,860,23,187,7,15,278,130,229,0.17800000000000002,0.7609999999999999,0.061,-0.9806,2,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,1,2,16,10,1,4,9,0,22,2,1,1,2,37,37,13,0,6,7,2,2,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,9,15,0,2,4,0,1,7,6,6,1,1,6,6,32,4,32,25,4,32,0,0,4,1,6,13,0,4,11,135,41,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871338690892151,0.0,0.07729838563812579,0.0,0.0,0.14130463241583693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539320229038767,0.0,0.12319097260545099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736912753832995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673861093745842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370259515162782,0.05109088389170314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558264214093498,0.0969306147974744,0.0,0.0,0.08081411965319578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756321997765388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135537351898656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546368695677992,0.10027058151885036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659342437139724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844741152042168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719171921058476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739378410714674,0.0,0.0,0.07793136419080432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060286835979555,0.0,0.06847003139484359,0.0,0.0,0.11855336623998262,0.1121974074532648,0.0,0.0,0.07005118897462798,0.0,0.21113895379209255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181150321490599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116267415762352,0.40904770160960174,0.2415569642667551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07778860998491198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447731086356941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712914567529045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577789997070034,0.0,0.1122636050972771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726957599432818,0.0,0.0,0.05959837086195429,0.08020402627964109,0.0,0.0,0.09085069349134656,0.09366880299178798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735612375292112,0.2052301794465303,0.0,0.2153362816682437,0.0,0.0,0.13013805000152456 ptsd,darcythewrestler,2019/08/14,"My PTSD and how it affects my life I've had PTSD ever since my rapes, it's been a long struggle, my recent break up because I don't know how to cope, and my seizure/panic attack. So I drown myself in drinking, smoking, drugs and stuff etc. My family is up my tail about everything and, it's getting to be to much for me to handle. Please help.",1.9708333333333317,3.4563721944444485,3.5122222222222237,91.255,77.05555555555556,5.911111111111111,23.11111111111111,6.42735559955562,0.4758444444444443,266,8,58,2,6,88,52,72,0.18100000000000002,0.754,0.065,-0.8718,0,0,2,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,2,1,1,0,5,4,0,3,1,9,7,7,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,11,0,9,4,2,7,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,40,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24644891219102186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13205618036603234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21221580079007105,0.2512230576283083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24160070708596815,0.0,0.19595504312505885,0.0,0.0,0.19469387625418386,0.0,0.2042203242364402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318069935806813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14520311975257472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190546722231212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15301280474288093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917115214243704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15924863064343955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2377956651160939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5064598374223984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21389687016752532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791993115117644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22646964272399805,0.2479905415350255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,snicklesnickle,2019/08/14,"Does anyone have tips for getting through jokes that trigger my trauma? I don't want to go into it, but I lost someone I loved a whole lot to suicide when I was a kid. Just to clue you in, he had PTSD from war that led to his suicide. I'm now in highschool, and hear nonstop jokes about suicide. Whether it's my classmates making fun of PTSD from war or joking about ""war flashbacks"" nonstop or threatening to kill themselves in vulgar descriptive ways as ""jokes"", it makes me go into a trance-like state. I usually have to excuse myself from class and cry in the bathroom, or if that isn't an option I tune myself out and just stare. It affects me the entire day and I think about it nonstop. It's a bit of a pain in the ass because suicide jokes are so prevalent with people my age so this happens a lot. I'm sort of shy so asking them not to make the jokes will make me come off as a bit of an ass, you know? If anyone has some sort of advice, that would be really helpful. Thank you.",4.220007578628266,4.578362399014782,4.857635467980298,88.04843880257675,70.33004926108374,7.0343311860553275,27.930655551345204,6.297961479604792,1.0887987116331943,769,25,163,4,13,247,118,203,0.3,0.585,0.115,-0.9958,0,0,0,0,0,4,23.0,0,3,1,1,10,16,4,0,13,0,11,4,2,7,0,36,30,17,8,4,10,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,11,9,0,0,2,6,0,4,3,7,0,0,3,2,20,9,32,24,6,20,0,1,1,3,12,9,2,11,5,110,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387961296188604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17728311835094593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11851421124926036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727871125947812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.276803222709729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109202396006075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925250670087014,0.08175711039395392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093856740447748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623286060216628,0.0,0.14409429532417625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11210359195835816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14288065978580766,0.0,0.08497224389068392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025384843198474,0.0,0.06967028436927991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13838603446619166,0.21555314024245092,0.11441620086415635,0.0,0.3384837616004034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13489378178012332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08788737505127668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963781280982365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08121304963843567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074130548608753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5546696478994163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671413698635374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08123003895577338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962086370116247,0.0,0.07477309734581096,0.10062529189639216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415358186143353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005481480111595,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ZRudd97,2019/08/14,"People suck lol That’s pretty much it, some people just really suck. It’s a wonder how they even exist.",0.46142857142857,2.9318599047619074,2.873333333333335,86.93000000000004,92.8095238095238,4.704761904761905,7.0,6.42735559955562,-1.1188857142857145,82,0,15,1,3,28,17,21,0.225,0.5429999999999999,0.233,0.0516,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,10,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28110748913385825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3128679786280357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5901205783846062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329923695140154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27265287987637543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4615494832700386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,truesilk,2019/08/14,"I had to serve on a jury selection today. Am in a bad place. IDK I was fine with the questions at the courthouse but when I got home it hit me. I tried really hard to bury my memories and now they're raw because I had to consider them in detail for three hours. You couldn't leave either, you had to sit through everyone else recounting their victimhood and after you mentioned yours. And the courthouse is where I had to have a court hearing related to what happened to me. I'm just really sad and wish I didn't feel this way. I don't understand why I can't bury it away like normal people do and move on. I'm drinking for the first time in awhile.",2.6924762550881947,4.280565276119404,4.0429986431478975,87.77343962008142,75.34328358208955,7.857801899592942,24.86838534599729,8.575989854853784,1.5913522388059709,513,17,109,10,11,169,90,134,0.111,0.8140000000000001,0.075,-0.6836,0,0,1,0,1,0,10.0,0,4,2,1,4,4,0,0,7,0,13,1,0,0,0,15,22,7,0,3,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,6,1,0,3,1,0,1,4,2,0,2,7,3,18,2,19,13,1,19,0,1,0,0,9,9,0,1,8,74,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190048392234071,0.0,0.1688950606741712,0.1233077987184326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19815705085639446,0.0,0.0,0.1689786937690945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19328687654037602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227867016590436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17205896914648006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16178151676290373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788752287340859,0.0,0.1812028369351422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22798386969042986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029029844084166,0.0,0.19920471165418635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141849452017818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882362070868632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21499125843753414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19819111148758287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14023524171263987,0.0,0.2113391839124402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2265995047582972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591710502133425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117950892106902,0.0,0.1917374587030204,0.0,0.0,0.1373346061139381,0.0,0.0,0.21058025210664327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16056017287195692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825259238624862,0.0,0.2326116176570621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dirtyreeds,2019/08/14,"I’m finally deleting WhatsApp because it’s triggering my ptsd A couple of months ago I signed up on WhatsApp and I thought it be real cool to get clear videos. Although some videos were funny, people that I thought were my friends started sending me videos of horrible motorcycle accident. It kicked up my PTSD and I started having flashbacks a couple of times a day of my accident. I Know that this sounds crazy, but my Trumatic motorcycle accident was 24 years ago. I lost my leg and I was awake during the whole process. So seeing videos on WhatsApp that showcase motorcycle accidents only kicks up my PTSD. So what I decided to do is Simply delete WhatsApp.",4.230628415300544,6.977173237704921,4.914344262295085,77.9371448087432,74.81967213114754,8.001092896174864,33.11748633879781,8.841846274778883,3.3461781420765018,533,28,88,12,12,171,74,122,0.146,0.7929999999999999,0.06,-0.8922,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,4,1,8,1,1,1,1,13,17,7,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,8,3,0,0,4,4,0,1,0,1,0,0,7,3,16,2,11,9,2,15,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,1,9,56,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3003491921342917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032727253378584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374905007148772,0.0,0.10925751049059083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18558389961313804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13088823208268655,0.0,0.08851141420230735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09310507414804582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849345401223883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13522401441819554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884638644290733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11744979434064567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5941049582814528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19282933151006373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500040084952158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23982309552061634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689903431166264,0.09878620987895856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914380795182406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090965580477708 ptsd,abra7774,2019/05/18,"Don’t want to self diagnose, but confident in possibility. What do I do? ((Possible Triggers Below)) I’ve experienced a lot of abuse in my childhood and witnessed my mother figures experience the exact same things. It was almost entirely sexual and psychological abuse. Everything constantly reminds me of that time, and i don’t go a single day without being reminded of it. If i don’t have medicine of some kind and/or melatonin, I can’t sleep. I can’t talk to my friends, because they all remind me of the person who abused me and my loved figures. I have trouble being in specific public places, and certain sounds are triggers that send me into having an anxiety attack. I’ve been diagnosed with major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety, but I don’t know if these are resultants from my childhood or if it’s PTSD. I’m still young, and I absolutely do not want to discredit or invalidate the suffering that diagnosed people endure, so I don’t want to claim I have PTSD if it isn’t so. And although the explanation of my symptoms are crappy, they’ve been getting worse as time goes on. I can’t afford to see a therapist for at least several more months if not longer, and more than likely would be put on waiting list thereafter. Is it possible I have PTSD? And should I refrain from saying so/acting upon finding treatment until a confirmed diagnosis? Your opinion/view? * TLDR; experienced childhood trauma, daily triggers, have other diagnosed mental issues Impossibly confusing for PTSD, can’t afford therapist. *questions above",6.664494584837545,8.490419447653434,7.532799638989173,65.72454241877257,65.71480144404332,10.594151624548736,36.232671480144404,10.686352973137794,4.5929582671480125,1245,62,186,35,20,416,159,277,0.183,0.7340000000000001,0.083,-0.9871,2,0,0,0,3,0,39.0,0,1,1,0,3,11,1,1,9,0,31,7,1,4,3,49,41,24,0,10,12,1,0,1,1,2,5,2,0,2,13,12,0,2,5,0,0,3,13,6,0,0,3,5,25,5,29,33,9,24,0,2,1,1,13,10,0,12,12,140,38,0,0.0,0.3466215008698459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09764817620053336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919892838516813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093851463980678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059444841401688875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053801402420013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288974520434804,0.0,0.0839903778943539,0.3959067020139193,0.0,0.0,0.11176177106484086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08764108248270193,0.09538934848020217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08912784672211994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07534061071835077,0.0,0.050948079101060965,0.0,0.05542058344938569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017813564125679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154789572621116,0.05359223694655564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04764138619636522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0829046061102432,0.08801198678529161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09827318027505187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783633156277872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676053079300429,0.08514719968055863,0.10188345262998674,0.0,0.0,0.32980387453323906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4559638879218049,0.09803050241189384,0.1092402245604652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07754862795963334,0.0,0.0,0.0777076172959517,0.0,0.10173044332017883,0.11016531003929826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09758641325387783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787639428146233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1013564501249468,0.0,0.07837965761447817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22644715709111898,0.06478528959875972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372471404656395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17255236948414895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400193292571016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937712317636054,0.06927256027000875,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KindaTiredToday,2019/05/18,fireworks outside rn help im 17/f and as a kid i lived in a scary neighborhood also i hate loud noises and i’m panicking becukse its so loud and i t won’t stop,-3.3349849849849846,-2.9744335675675657,0.6836036036036042,97.48384384384386,127.91891891891892,3.806606606606607,17.624624624624623,5.82211442006289,-0.04032492492492469,126,5,30,2,9,46,29,37,0.327,0.599,0.07400000000000001,-0.8519,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,14,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685211227979168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549687107351554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30888089547975817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4977694522984534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069164062340407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3852698501147563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,laceleatherpearls,2019/05/18,"Graduation right now I was diagnosed with ptsd about 4 or 5 years ago. I was an extreme case. Now I'm about to walk to to the stage to get my art degree. Hang in there. It does get better and it does get easier.",-0.2426086956521729,1.6904886521739149,2.363217391304349,94.50569565217394,86.3913043478261,6.288695652173913,15.72173913043478,7.554174236665415,-0.07241217391304389,162,3,40,3,5,56,34,46,0.0,0.872,0.128,0.6908,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,8,4,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,4,22,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719024217212677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2712825316952737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113299708083577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5368524252166117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4807697540432405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3585572641085776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.261950352713186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19752753868823844 ptsd,Rebbeccaanne,2019/05/18,"I just want to sleep... It’s been a difficult time since I had my daughter. Nightmares and flashbacks are hard enough without having this little person you’re responsible for. I love my daughter, she’s the reason I’m not treating my ptsd with drugs and promiscuity anymore. But somedays I wonder if I’m enough for her. I’m laying in bed now, after a sleepless night. It didn’t start out bad. Watched a movie, ate some pizza... but when I was just about to fall asleep for the night a man outside my apartment building started yelling. “Fuck you bitch I hope you die I hope you get herpes” This guy had nothing to do with me, I just live in a shitty neighbourhood. It was just another random trigger. The world doesn’t stop for anybody after all. I was in a kind of sleep/dream state when he started yelling. My brain added his voice into a nightmare, which turned into a kind of sleep paralysis. I eventually go the ability to fully wake, and cry. Out of fear I haven’t been able to fall back asleep. My day hasn’t even started and I’m already drained. In an hour my daughter will be awake, and ready with bells on as I promised I’d take her to an amusement park today. How am I supposed to explain to her that I’m hyper sensitive today? That being in such a large crowded place is going to be too much for me today? Because of some random moment that lasted 10 minutes 6 hours ago? She wouldn’t be able to understand even if I tried, she would just be disappointed and heartbroken. She might even think that I don’t want to spend time with her... My only solution is to smoke some weed, and put on a brave face before she comes out with her bright, happy, innocent face. It’s a hard world out there and it broke me... I don’t know how to prepare her. I barely know how to smile some days.",2.476065699006877,4.55541690196079,3.3047211611917504,90.63773873185642,77.4593837535014,5.89590017825312,23.9834479246244,6.850034144686104,0.7713350140056017,1402,47,287,14,33,444,191,357,0.151,0.72,0.129,-0.9046,0,0,2,0,2,0,47.0,0,3,0,0,19,18,2,1,17,0,28,13,8,5,1,57,56,18,1,8,11,3,2,0,0,4,1,3,1,3,12,20,2,1,7,1,1,6,9,7,0,0,9,7,43,11,46,38,8,50,0,2,2,2,25,18,2,12,25,185,55,0,0.20087479373664915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903169227801445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083516497828398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10531736791439547,0.0,0.0,0.09960690935975776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723015856122281,0.08386103111218113,0.061225704904716786,0.0,0.08546482717112014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212135154650124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651792406716598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032576428303073,0.12954762400307607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423816092936522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647549360414383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20755735914702475,0.0,0.1990138601516356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130199947353287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285275497811453,0.05247439446301735,0.0,0.11416177444197595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994488136446826,0.0,0.1069174765921374,0.17994435935754174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995139948439953,0.19782120868475506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091801862306362,0.11039553330796684,0.08186988364847274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006646575129607,0.08868806153314238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906486720114456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654820608707696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383304317321758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850738629013206,0.0,0.09637239110673053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638716620079987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769806089442718,0.10493570271717532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740594217614755,0.10096732484782467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326637180546433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308285258089924,0.0,0.3015297946655091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28436042580737914,0.0,0.0,0.08397016107084564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551642285671457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435622842888511,0.0,0.0,0.11713170762014015,0.0,0.28560872518381786,0.0,0.0,0.06819039958971032,0.10924704646819153,0.0,0.10455887225497047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848115783232074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09681806646419948,0.10892007253119178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134784504556296,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hostilebowtie,2019/05/18,"Sometimes I swear I still see him I was just wondering if I'm losing my fucking mind or if this is normal ptsd. Some days, I feel like I see my past abuser everywhere. He's long dead, and would be 20, not the 15 year old kid i see out of the corner of my eyes all the time. Sometimes, I swear he's sitting on my couch, I walk over, and he's gone. Normal? Ghosts? Schizophrenia?",0.5848750000000003,2.481429737500001,2.1750000000000007,97.28,82.875,5.0,18.75,5.985473137389443,-0.36387500000000017,289,7,68,2,8,94,55,80,0.172,0.795,0.032,-0.8732,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,1,0,3,0,4,2,1,0,1,16,12,5,2,5,5,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,5,13,1,5,8,2,14,0,1,4,1,5,4,1,5,8,36,14,0,0.0,0.2295012800468429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12491963415423506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793988032179964,0.1383783866018714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17907132255553332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463139840864082,0.0,0.0,0.17141724996919194,0.0,0.2166992937968384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558046492900288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379567190469966,0.0,0.0,0.2032541970554574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18490732209696625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264234092603563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4630583456205416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3831459249645757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546880282513634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129472668940752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100579723843665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375979956309063,0.0,0.0,0.12473560909103318 ptsd,liam_meyers0718,2019/05/18,Coping I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years that has left me with ptsd and depression. Most of my known triggers like tv shows I can avoid but how do you cope with triggers that could come up while trying to go about your life?,9.059787234042552,6.334463595744682,7.885638297872344,80.38250000000002,61.97872340425533,11.102127659574473,34.138297872340424,8.841846274778883,2.4744127659574464,187,5,40,2,2,57,43,47,0.136,0.828,0.036000000000000004,-0.5859,0,1,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,5,1,0,3,0,12,7,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,1,8,5,1,7,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,1,3,27,8,0,0.0,0.3914598338164708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846029731923521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637906829515249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2845656656341018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18776907086835345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3589712694126387,0.0,0.23336524694920324,0.16141257027980735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3862099163156156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35471676411837005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243141022586236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276125691240488 ptsd,MildlySatanicMonster,2019/10/10,"Discerning traumas from life right now. Hello. I have traumas that are based around relationships. I've recently been diagnosed and going into treatment has really kicked up the symtoms for me. I have for a long time however had attachment issues. So I have a happy and healthy almost relationship right now, (almost meaning not being bound cause it scares me off) But lately with being triggered alot by relationship type situations and things like that, i've gotten into a state where I no longer really know what is ""real"". I have alot of anxiety lately and I can't discern what might be lingering traumas and emotional flashbacks, and what might actually be something aloof with the current relationship. It is very tiring to like someone and have daily routines in which they are a part, but wake up with anxiety, fall asleep with anxiety and not be able to get the person off my head in a very unhealthy way. Most tiring is that I cant understand where the feelings might be coming from. Does anyone have any advice on how to detach oneself from a situation like this, or how to make things clearer. I struggle daily with the feeling of just ""giving up"" and ending contact with the person. But closing myself off does not seem like a healthy way of doing it. Or is the situation in itself so triggering that I just need to get away from it, no matter if the relationship actually isn't bad?",8.319107142857142,8.305489750000003,8.365647321428572,67.65390625000002,61.65625,11.064285714285717,35.863839285714285,10.608840637214634,3.964324553571428,1120,45,181,24,14,365,138,256,0.094,0.7909999999999999,0.115,0.6624,2,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,1,0,11,11,0,2,17,0,28,7,3,6,0,57,42,19,0,2,11,0,2,4,0,3,4,0,0,2,16,20,0,1,8,0,0,3,8,6,0,0,3,2,15,5,35,30,4,34,0,0,0,0,11,19,0,12,13,143,31,1,0.08946634620722901,0.0,0.17461249644532156,0.0,0.0,0.08742547806912464,0.0,0.0,0.1791752446792112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084018335265175,0.0,0.2053245299051161,0.0,0.0,0.06255694946425623,0.0,0.0,0.07964401609131469,0.0,0.0,0.0840565773137167,0.0,0.0747006620712586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190658219410976,0.0,0.07706733536584681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908064581485446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565852049380279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006375976421442,0.07924062772117536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047374561060036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348494661202432,0.08582427154377277,0.05084578630232566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523858915754307,0.0,0.0,0.09181828225012263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337962135387146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04916836412840715,0.0,0.20184387080300226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06319272616035762,0.17483495054859835,0.0,0.0,0.07917490105166787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05971948081088909,0.0,0.0,0.09745507897779848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28472896522924274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06633816208870377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688333451063666,0.0,0.0,0.15623712526061925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183228865967396,0.11462886459414867,0.0,0.08833722357921081,0.480266869905859,0.0,0.15280754165032587,0.0,0.0,0.0895714200837227,0.0,0.0,0.08144680146609064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016917648896649,0.0,0.0,0.0758045448121181,0.06887556424053211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352965028214401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887493005125813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052168545942732944,0.20565680786802568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09313762160188756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763821058943147,0.0,0.14202844260732286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jjudaah,2019/10/10,"Had a Nightmare... (TW Sexual Implications - nothing specific is stated) I couldn’t sleep last night because my sleeping schedule has been jacked for months now. But around 6 am I actually got to sleep! The only bad thing is that I woke up an hour later after having a dream that left me crying and in a panic. There were a lot if triggering things (that are sexual in nature) going on that I’d rather not type out, but one thing I want to talk about is how I smelled a familiar sent that just sent me overboard. I have no idea why it got such a bad reaction out of me, but I’ve smelled it before in the past. I just can’t remember where exactly it’s from. My brain is probably blocking it out for a reason, but I can’t stop thinking about how awful it made me feel this morning. Like, I felt like I was about to be sick.. I guess I’m posting this just so I can get a bit of reassurance and advice on what I should do with this information. Should I tell my therapist about it even though I’m not sure if that smell is tied to anything specific (I really don’t remember where it is coming from. All I know is that I know I’ve smelled it before..)? I’m scared and I don’t know what to do or think. If you have any questions please feel free to ask.",3.8274153985918673,4.278237351351353,5.113154667272315,85.53951623892802,71.23938223938224,8.719600272541449,26.43220531455825,8.841846274778883,1.6801790143084254,970,29,215,17,17,324,145,259,0.121,0.8,0.079,-0.893,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,0,0,19,9,0,2,11,1,28,5,4,5,3,52,51,15,0,8,14,0,3,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,23,9,0,2,14,1,1,4,8,4,0,1,11,7,26,6,28,36,3,29,0,0,0,0,9,13,0,7,12,147,49,1,0.0,0.0,0.11639417841913885,0.0,0.0,0.11655313222032394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08111038213601356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098152305381648,0.1061791109761964,0.11150505077839036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19917754722377626,0.07270829828967412,0.0,0.20298670817768005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302162714434091,0.0,0.0,0.1331491844082695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027439543614672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13101684318719692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877932495947389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206169948110853,0.0,0.11452170520653493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062315720678508026,0.0,0.06778613951708228,0.0,0.19078856164504307,0.0,0.13139371280258602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746082361533552,0.0,0.0,0.13464578153136164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19664954559759446,0.09722419579354626,0.0,0.0,0.1295915053448261,0.0,0.0,0.11654246312449484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014024545867532,0.0,0.11285990384276624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520333606070827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193053059593147,0.0,0.11444658040903145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080823121390623,0.09071322044024024,0.0,0.1399422917688731,0.0,0.0,0.11386048990779304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13092698958374308,0.0,0.0,0.11423148226671588,0.0,0.12859750102986556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361413110520354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640995226096334,0.12263349480759768,0.0,0.0,0.27022828874892885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941404037763295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35808029140510617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997183703817296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124142947218058,0.0,0.0,0.09586789015327572,0.10425069729845124,0.0,0.0,0.1384862593321849,0.2377209552515881,0.15285187359420013,0.11718605904049648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07035087124586684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762619603725164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,trash1007,2019/10/10,"How does one know that they have PTSD? Sorry if this is not allowed. I'm asking this because I am experiencing pretty severe mental health issues at the moment. It was suggested by a mental health professional that I get therapy specifically for trauma. I have experienced multiple traumas, including child abuse and sexual assault. I think that the sexual assault might be what brought on the problems I am now experiencing, but I don't know. I have had such severe issues that I've been hospitalized. I don't think that they know what is causing this. A lot of times something will remind me of bad things that have happened and I will become very upset and suicidal for days. It's not something that I seem to have control over and it's extremely debilitating. I don't know what is wrong with me, but I am just looking into different things at the moment. PTSD is one thing that I'm researching. Is anyone able to tell me how they experience PTSD?",5.169558587479936,7.1422527134831455,6.2067736757624425,73.20865168539329,69.61797752808988,9.130658105939006,29.006420545746387,9.606745405546679,2.9140869983948634,765,29,131,18,14,254,99,178,0.20800000000000002,0.7809999999999999,0.012,-0.9868,2,0,2,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,3,1,5,8,2,1,6,0,23,2,0,5,0,27,37,9,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,20,6,0,1,7,0,0,1,5,8,0,2,4,4,18,0,13,29,1,11,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,4,5,97,38,2,0.11976204049805053,0.1418984343564034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08374040332237682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11196134117858016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09999630135209864,0.07300582829654036,0.13226776450444305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123028605563854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343233119915666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723660845483156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512584226950585,0.0,0.0,0.10480456870199296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171502561409246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06257072316429695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590517689221347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546028974478711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500009102500119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632723416391578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056995117771073,0.0,0.0,0.10181740410034584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24138393697898095,0.12704859913010613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230771621489715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218410504172672,0.0,0.11459609853977297,0.4199862493463121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10902686372175184,0.0,0.27059403370653595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843973396386268,0.0,0.1340637992748966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13100023413912956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10467730212090824,0.0,0.1369583306748448,0.0,0.23869373441314215,0.15347735954380676,0.0,0.0,0.06983420891523075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09881622590642088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094099072453355,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sad_Tangerine,2019/10/10,Took the first step today I'm feeling very proud of myself today. I finally went to the doctor and asked about diagnosis. I have been debating and stressing about doing this for years and finally I did it. One step closer to getting real good help.,4.387340425531914,6.57666895744681,5.562712765957446,76.10875000000001,72.19148936170212,8.104255319148937,26.643617021276608,8.841846274778883,2.3721531914893608,199,7,33,4,4,66,36,47,0.049,0.745,0.20600000000000002,0.7902,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,2,0,4,1,0,0,0,5,10,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,1,0,2,4,1,4,2,6,6,0,11,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,6,23,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21460470201994328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349612016342401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607085979189788,0.0,0.0,0.5029366994648954,0.0,0.19526097133786469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993399916877093,0.0,0.0,0.19254142608041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386714291818718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15555368802825395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612859945066809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2629566391735571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43518617615722704,0.0,0.2550461486358259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940847342618247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128015346530404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478271093071748 ptsd,MyrtleLoadTheShotgun,2019/10/10,"The last few days have been rough For some background, I'm 18 years old and a freshman in college. College has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I go to school about 10 hours away from my family, and it is the freest I have ever felt in my entire life. Through college I have been able to escape the man who mentally and emotionally abused me my whole life, my father. I've been so happy the last 2 months. I finally feel like I'm not walking on eggshells every single damn day of my life. The flashbacks have been so much better, since I've been removed from my trigger, my dad. Recently, however, I've been falling into the same old anxiety cycle. Being alone, it's hard to remember to take my meds consistently, so I think that that is a factor. But I've been having the same panic attack for the last few days. It starts by overthinking how I'm doing in school, then I start to worry that I'm not doing as well as I could, and then it turns into ""oh my god, what i have to go home? I can't go home, I love it here. I don't know what I'd do to myself if i had to go home again. I can't go home."" and then it just becomes a giant panic attack. I know it's probably just my mind trying to freak me out, but how do I stop these panic attacks from happening??? I was doing so good and now I just feel so freaked out. I can't lose college. I can't lose this, I just can't.",1.5696949152542388,3.038648274576275,3.4920000000000013,91.04376271186442,78.11864406779661,6.347118644067797,21.29152542372881,7.087006719466742,0.4336210169491528,1071,28,242,12,25,362,143,295,0.141,0.774,0.085,-0.9043,1,1,0,0,1,0,38.0,0,0,0,4,18,18,4,3,12,0,33,4,0,3,2,37,55,21,0,2,9,2,5,1,0,0,3,0,4,1,17,10,0,1,7,0,0,8,8,11,1,0,11,5,34,7,30,42,9,41,0,2,0,1,5,10,1,2,24,166,51,6,0.0908251071625997,0.10761290015624983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940674196013066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948095838013832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30998001400695235,0.08533317795896299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030919509482716,0.0,0.0,0.09531534650333393,0.08032742646127446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07251645756310285,0.0,0.0,0.17572404103869674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216602083271152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16431301852817712,0.07652407003924132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085621827805363,0.0,0.09184780634106857,0.06488547470467572,0.08720634615489567,0.099494465400463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580900073296067,0.07617979071996629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063268461872846,0.09668501546059252,0.08136145614855339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644199516426968,0.0,0.08944443523055036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983020722962006,0.22210375380927014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245737761941395,0.044372559606276805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032201255045663,0.0,0.0,0.08197320526318258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008862190029034,0.0,0.09153034572671226,0.0,0.09170746690659792,0.0,0.07249573401512044,0.0,0.06676690423528098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19061134307924796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31969108167827137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792482716913893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08967883610049633,0.0,0.10288714111872777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18383971473920352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513146720566262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12857295664789825,0.0,0.0,0.07593385646701832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06828917726222339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603401654284819,0.05819706131270368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061664285846790776,0.09879163550683652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08166267899604751,0.0,0.0,0.10140298859547378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223730507923733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058488391194605076 ptsd,PsychedelicSkater420,2019/10/10,Do i have ptsd? Not sure if i have ptsd because ive never gone to a therapist. Quite a few people ive met told me i do and that i need to get help but im afrade. Everything ive been through from the time i was old enough to walk tell i was about 18 messed me up pretty bad. Is there anyone knowledgeable i could talk to before i go to therapy. Im only 22 but i know ive got alot of problems in my head. I dont mind sharing details i just want some help. any takers?,-2.1657075471698093,-0.3529735377358492,0.9088443396226432,100.34647405660378,100.41509433962266,4.159433962264152,15.115566037735848,5.985473137389443,-0.7431490566037735,359,9,91,4,16,125,73,106,0.156,0.738,0.107,-0.726,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,5,0,0,4,0,14,1,1,0,2,17,23,4,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,7,0,18,2,11,15,4,8,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,3,3,55,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147619851700726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800029702555205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14090681191944066,0.10287399011471232,0.0,0.14360157713562025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347404212421437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977844258819123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17437327790963378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15166981087633974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816967229148362,0.0,0.09590969408763048,0.0,0.13497208067280367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17319553895576553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262313549376904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645776067346673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274559615039443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1703985982946329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125132745404553,0.1301574331273054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17708430281277593,0.0,0.0,0.12834891150475886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699632155969925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17168868991225586,0.0,0.16147968160130946,0.39454074897574615,0.0,0.0,0.17949609173101702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905346866859313,0.0,0.0,0.13564218412394113,0.14750290483494696,0.0,0.19299075546053585,0.19594233957729626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09840479705857468,0.0,0.0,0.16125656635816565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995384984018602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,diadcm,2019/10/10,"As a veteran As a veteran, I just want to say that even if you do didn't serve, I know your PTSD is real. I question if I had PTSD prior to my military experience. I've had childhood trauma that feel a lot like my combat trauma. I can easily see how the two are similar. Unfortunately, it's much easier to get taken seriously if you are a Veteran. The VA is very aware of the issue and has plenty of resources. I thank God that I found this path to help me with my mental health struggles. If you're ever doubting yourself, or finding it hard to find people that relate to you. Just remember at least one person believes you.",3.224047619047621,4.763751880952384,5.525587301587304,77.88885714285716,73.84126984126985,8.532063492063491,26.092063492063488,9.120678840339163,2.231402539682539,491,17,94,11,10,173,86,126,0.141,0.735,0.125,-0.2732,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,5,0,0,5,7,0,2,7,0,10,1,0,1,1,22,18,9,0,5,7,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,7,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,1,5,0,2,5,4,16,2,12,13,3,4,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,8,4,68,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022363695194589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11855884129735725,0.1623691005521258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17558660475931953,0.0,0.0,0.09076119370741004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3281216665127792,0.0,0.0,0.1968137868708916,0.0,0.0,0.0937819617273224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607978061967918,0.0,0.0,0.1908013682487373,0.0,0.0,0.12031586212630214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873526036713645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864915817991678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08769521316086415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260549042147611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18089497767120424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13195402633874018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216346500434891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12444352196836993,0.15673351306908329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4196545644174576,0.0,0.20108241055550047,0.0,0.0,0.2043116489614347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033398535486426,0.0,0.0,0.14274654879314672,0.0,0.0,0.14303920618311594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876536148548578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526057652315404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753465774520141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14810727840975774,0.10587445098647673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mbrooks420,2019/10/10,"PTSD? What's wrong with me? Approximately 2 months ago my boyfriend and I were victims of an armed robbery in our home. During the robbery I was held at gunpoint, strangled, beaten, and thrown around. My whole body is still sore from the ordeal, but that's not really my main concern. For about a month after this happened I was completely fine. No bad dreams or anything, it barely even crossed my mind and I felt safe. Now all of a sudden I'm having horrifying night terrors to the point where I haven't had a restful night of sleep in over a month and I'm starting to feel kind of crazy. Whether I'm in public or at home, I'm looking over my shoulder and around corners to make sure no one is there. I've removed our decorative shower curtain so I can see through the shower liner and feel more safe. I barely cook anything anymore or lay around my own apartment in comfortable revealing clothes because I'm constantly preparing for another robbery. At this point I am almost afraid to go to sleep because I know I will have night terrors and I'm scared. I spoke with my victims advocate about everything and she told me I wouldn't be able to get any type of counseling or help until the trial is over and they are convicted. It's starting to essentially ruin my life being so terrified all of the time. Since I never want to be home (or really anywhere else alone) it's caused a huge inconvenience in mine and my boyfriends life. I just recently started a new job and I'm scared about going into work. I'm stuck between wanting to be at home, but then when I'm home I don't feel safe. And if I go anywhere else I don't feel safe either. I guess what I'm looking for from this post is advice? I need to get over this. I feel like I'm turning into a scared puppy and almost violent at the same time. Please help",3.1706433790768145,5.08742655801105,4.121652111923009,86.31114863660669,74.8563535911602,6.880912493316702,27.147032614507214,7.717688229018142,1.5784866155765458,1442,56,285,20,31,465,188,362,0.201,0.687,0.11199999999999999,-0.9891,3,1,0,1,0,0,30.0,2,0,1,2,15,22,4,6,15,0,22,9,5,2,4,60,62,27,0,5,12,0,6,1,0,2,3,1,8,0,10,20,1,5,8,2,0,5,8,13,0,1,9,10,36,9,49,47,9,54,0,1,3,0,9,25,0,9,24,178,46,4,0.08615450302481553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418918324110276,0.07637076866624487,0.0,0.17254257957435007,0.0892300822950704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058588016420668736,0.09034050837102063,0.0,0.0,0.08544211659506076,0.0,0.0,0.14179563030003786,0.23008732052231265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0719354113497255,0.10503797077348284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569823071815747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850440695658016,0.0,0.0,0.0903313572635048,0.09310241082189497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14394206434573412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05690423670542085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743011204427994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21781152691259215,0.0615487941754119,0.0827218337340855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900243438689752,0.0,0.14689076850091198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490889822639036,0.0,0.07618614249522873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11549509463710472,0.0,0.4320999557134624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549505039422912,0.0,0.0,0.08971665708822474,0.04734826172753442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170694675556028,0.04209073834588317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14469616794958784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05750879976974432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699148816700948,0.0,0.2063031070575114,0.0,0.0,0.06388247233315678,0.06644766398937536,0.08320855588405597,0.0,0.2425504944680896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058380520945678464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457177260955348,0.16288770590962956,0.0,0.08251219859347847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071000360161918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038556149965778,0.0,0.08506717798031604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587670619072371,0.0,0.0686539844496689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126789519819614,0.0,0.1724334455530841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18294180202727375,0.0,0.06880309740592616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119959950422632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10047476709986056,0.0,0.0,0.08232431971032704,0.0,0.0,0.09371135940266803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10163231614047907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618842587252742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06272150429724442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419642429716954,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bethmadgwickx,2019/10/10,"I want to finish uni but I can’t function I’m in my final year of uni and have been struggling with ptsd for about 3 years now. I’m a prop student so it’s a very practical course but I have no motivation or energy to do the work. I feel like I can’t function like everyone else and I don’t know how I’m going to hold down a job after uni, I don’t know what to do.",-0.4359705882352927,0.99095591764706,2.713750000000001,94.530625,83.94117647058823,6.132352941176473,18.86029411764705,7.1686216300943375,0.07185294117647079,283,7,73,4,8,102,54,85,0.08199999999999999,0.748,0.17,0.7096,1,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,4,0,9,0,0,2,0,13,17,7,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,1,8,2,11,16,0,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,8,43,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2341866281685137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2678752029416697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174743788967242,0.20027369541063192,0.0,0.307096840230408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593226827782849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781924473284108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081331315904582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27391820827773666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277004018735408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2930703974890516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313084082507121,0.16535075787663994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20408957828683424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3610572719543384 ptsd,Rheinys,2019/10/10,"I feel so weak Therapy is rough. I am only crying. It seems endless. Whe're is the end of my pain? When will I heal? Will I ever heal? I was horribly abused by my family and broke up with them but why am I sad like I had lost something?",-1.7113235294117644,0.1951781372549064,1.241348039215687,97.51731617647059,100.9607843137255,4.9029411764705895,14.21813725490196,6.6274283507984215,-0.4106686274509803,179,4,43,3,8,62,40,51,0.35,0.595,0.055,-0.9366,0,0,1,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,3,6,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,0,1,6,11,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,3,2,10,1,4,6,0,4,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,29,11,0,0.0,0.3414368882066746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31654358704161656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552350003794571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260668217549419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716630664723613,0.0,0.14570850307058852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14078636159544533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31457395478338884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21916791377138412,0.3066354966665923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26234111214073635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22184900814926026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32954998024958504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.260030552748084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tandicegs,2019/10/10,"PTSD SOs/Spouses If they have PTSD, for the significant others and spouses: how can you tell what is the right or best thing to do in your relationship? How can you tell what actions are due to PTSD and what needs to be addressed even as treatment is ongoing? How do you know what is most loving for you & them? What is the balance between feeling guilty and uncompassionate versus not letting an unhealthy relationship stay that way? How fo you get them to have real conversations about it?",5.566263736263739,7.510295296703298,5.42945054945055,79.29054945054949,68.56043956043956,7.837362637362638,30.582417582417587,8.418075326091056,2.3035450549450545,396,16,71,6,7,123,60,91,0.027000000000000003,0.8220000000000001,0.151,0.9123,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,6,3,1,6,2,0,0,4,0,13,1,0,4,0,16,18,10,0,2,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,9,2,10,16,2,6,0,0,0,1,16,2,0,3,1,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973296924019698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911263661772651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029021783808999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920866267149728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515150858440867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000897832431068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623263293390396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16437269989158712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504155328137712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6386744980568141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072953184384587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910628938736673,0.0,0.15553165122344095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941183919255072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3183662488668075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12099412084157295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456039250968167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ImaginingInfinity,2019/10/10,"Should I share? Within the last 2 months things had gotten so bad that I was seriously considering suicide. Two weeks ago that changed when I decided to try living in the present more and to not fall so easily down the rabbit hole. Is this something I should share with my spouse? I see my psychiatrist tomorrow, should I share with him. I do not feel I am at risk now but I thought they should know.",2.5265384615384607,4.985538000000002,3.1894230769230774,89.56182692307692,79.25641025641026,6.976923076923077,22.57051282051281,8.07648339933343,1.139558974358974,316,10,66,6,8,99,57,78,0.11599999999999999,0.794,0.091,-0.44,0,0,1,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,1,0,4,6,0,1,3,0,9,0,0,0,0,14,14,5,1,4,3,1,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,4,2,13,3,8,6,1,13,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,8,47,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26979268863524497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25412403691967483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32196764552544177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538912295574926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672657622382012,0.2480902638445135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687513845761548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242933567816118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425318400439927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343076479459845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329153967369168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022001965949959,0.0,0.0,0.24162418207505476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206637330749274,0.0,0.2973109905294852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441355346580234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,naturehatesme,2019/10/10,"So angry. So lost. I've been battling myself everyday since I found out how inept I am at life and relationships. Crying almost every day. Being told I'm hurting people by shutting them out (which is the last thing I want to do). Every time someone hurts me (which I'm beet sensitive about right now) or tells me I'm doing a basic need wrong, I shut down. I don't let anyone in to help and my brain goes straight to ""I hate being me. No one should ever be connected to me."" etc. I feel like I don't know who I am. FYI I've been on Zoloft for just about 3.5 months. ""Change your meds"" is a valid reply but if you have more things I can work with, please let me know. 😓",0.7086930091185408,2.6124001985815646,2.4811195542046605,95.21250000000002,82.47517730496453,5.163323201621076,16.454407294832823,6.1826913282559595,-0.5508443768996961,512,9,118,4,14,169,101,141,0.131,0.789,0.08,-0.7011,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,1,2,8,7,2,0,3,0,18,3,1,1,1,19,30,8,0,4,4,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,6,0,1,5,1,20,1,15,19,2,17,0,3,0,0,8,10,0,3,8,76,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15823509900938446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104918830715027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640357806063184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716515275370594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17357853168340434,0.10191040371966127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17623506745643988,0.0,0.14293894525435366,0.26627883672172203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990011187133733,0.11289015806162594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17326175369068442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601291740116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591807413616112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383292700281709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17368830119176984,0.1288081191654961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32317414018366275,0.11161483048129224,0.07720102673750702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724984722876836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755255896842019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613076977567034,0.0,0.0,0.11717049043242694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707904721081564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10955179103295767,0.0,0.0,0.17345948854227405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965530220771194,0.0,0.13494897984210974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307165162442423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13389059046836665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811722618122538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.209964120434958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214325390991633,0.0,0.0,0.1509957358048023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320481730778796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11504109266217788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17277104076874936,0.0,0.0 ptsd,deffzombie,2019/10/10,How to deal with being so tired? I am sure all of us struggle with exhaustion. I find that no matter what I am tired all day from the morning on. Any way to cope with this? Caffeine just makes me anxious.,0.4885714285714258,2.79634023809524,1.7336190476190474,97.59471428571429,87.09523809523809,4.312380952380953,20.304761904761907,5.6839178017228535,-0.1907580952380945,158,5,35,1,5,50,34,42,0.327,0.602,0.071,-0.9213,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,3,3,0,2,3,11,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,8,3,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827903336430484,0.0,0.0,0.30366269820458325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17335102775400604,0.27711662493439176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456744542465217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17942325648721535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810036893132668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25333682196182505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6178823674521725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233282023469582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133575622258833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,angstitty,2019/10/10,"I’m struggling but I feel like I have no right to (trigger warning) (TW: Guns, Violence) I was involved in a mass hysteria/stampede in Chicago on the 4th of July this year. 10+ people were trampled and 3 stabbed. Everyone at the time believed there was an active shooter, as there had been a supposed threat earlier that same day. No one knew exactly what happened, but at the time, I thought my family and I were going to die. My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD a few weeks afterwards. Nearly every night since, I have had nightmares about being in an active shooter situation, I have to plan escape routes when I walk into every single building, and I am so uneasy in crowds. The thing is, no one was shot, and the gun-like sounds were believed to be firecrackers thrown into the crowd, there was no active shooter. For this reason, I feel stupid to feel this way. I feel like this fear is not validated and shouldn’t be taken seriously, I feel embarrassed to talk about it. I panic at the sound of loud noises now, especially fireworks, but when I have told close friends about it they tend to reply with, “but there wasn’t actually a shooter, no one was shot” and I feel guilty and embarrassed for being so hung up on this. Any advice or comments would be nice. I’m tired of repeating the event in my head. Planning to see my therapist on a more frequent basis. Feeling alone.",4.957858715229137,6.3636055703422105,5.556710026015612,79.87803882329398,69.34220532319391,8.426575945567341,30.19191514908945,8.841846274778883,2.4836205323193923,1087,43,199,19,19,351,150,263,0.22699999999999998,0.677,0.096,-0.9911,0,1,0,6,0,0,38.0,0,0,1,2,12,12,2,5,15,0,26,3,1,2,1,33,43,17,1,2,6,0,7,2,1,2,2,3,0,0,10,12,0,0,10,0,0,2,8,8,0,3,16,11,21,4,34,20,4,34,0,0,1,0,8,18,0,1,15,140,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.12410885152789294,0.0,0.0,0.12427834087846885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171961239156607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648642492788038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28657550249222724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082020259765459,0.0,0.0,0.12908452100002615,0.13199224768023915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143084372233363,0.12152546768683987,0.0,0.0,0.11989351912256747,0.1431123017225288,0.45014045516909207,0.1817141283170468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825857048599117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07227904384255067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246441671873872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305228639565901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426696462883012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11934935055896685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585403731250611,0.0,0.0,0.14921774737799334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881702557376969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866603612996293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076171339614132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086106028210946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134559991710984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10520420120679147,0.1429550928221767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13295563280555084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222206906671916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2953304165474529,0.08449241230990688,0.0,0.0,0.10096632129800204,0.1483187848439053,0.14617413273961055,0.0,0.12152546768683987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10094917176680902,0.10201572798241172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903446717664824,0.0,0.0,0.08189943181403755 ptsd,Akspiker13,2019/10/10,"I feel like if I try to tell people I have PTSD no one will take me seriously I was recently diagnosed with ptsd after an incident at work where I had to clean a red Jeep Wrangler that was t boned it had two car seats in the back that were a mess (not to go into detail). Longstory short I found family photos and such, a happy family, and then was informed what I feared the kids didn’t make it. Ever since I’ve had nightmares of driving the Jeep and visions of getting into a horrible accident while driving. I feel like if I explain why I stay away from vehicles, tv shows/movies with gore and in general I stay away from the world. I don’t want to just labeled as a sissy or something. I don’t know how to explain to people why I’m absent in everyone’s lives",3.0692194092826988,4.317823158227848,4.780443037974685,84.2404535864979,73.74683544303798,8.051476793248945,26.457805907173,8.59863814320734,1.831150210970464,601,21,124,11,12,204,102,158,0.107,0.7959999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.3818,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,1,10,0,12,2,1,2,1,25,24,11,0,3,5,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,5,8,0,0,7,1,0,4,5,3,0,2,9,3,14,3,22,14,0,23,0,0,1,0,5,11,0,3,8,82,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909696216669135,0.11906856816594633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716747943341966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14006889811101453,0.0,0.14796391771329612,0.0,0.0,0.2919538617785569,0.17424707132499906,0.1565916218123785,0.2212469109679344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978285995500586,0.0,0.0,0.08090169864319917,0.0,0.0880036974889423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16483859527039554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851004214401261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130184050147416,0.0,0.13673363744026742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10336225488242262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10492902495472577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214704237935562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3620180947318888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15289373744078275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280918812060696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920956996837236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33009476945346344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164264389724798,0.0,0.13534399352764753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513164019175343,0.0,0.1512640139516972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0913333733903612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2794525035774033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11273120182889824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mattluttrell,2019/09/04,"Mandatory Active Shooter Training at Work I've asked to be excluded. Isn't it weird that your job might submit you to a situation where you have to think about getting shot? I understand their hands are kind of tied. And that's a bad choice of words.",2.7906122448979573,5.299474591836738,3.4034285714285737,88.11657142857145,78.59183673469387,7.185306122448982,24.08571428571429,8.238735603445708,1.5266212244897959,201,7,40,4,5,63,42,49,0.11900000000000001,0.769,0.11199999999999999,-0.3361,1,0,0,1,0,0,4.0,0,3,1,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,5,1,1,0,0,5,9,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,1,7,7,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,0,24,8,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3239810141162825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893579406864797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18106005279469067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34390116434713824,0.0,0.0,0.3608824451439358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3676388077789444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3895409821458191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220576766295682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3607747192581837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252295287949001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BabyBlue227,2019/09/04,"Tips for calming down after being triggered indirectly? Hi, I just searched up this sub cuz I really have a problem and was hoping I could get some advice. Some quick backstory and a trigger warning for sexual abuse; My brother molested from when I was 6 (possibly younger) until I was 9 and could speak up enough to say no. One of the recurring scenes for us was that my parents would go out of town for the day, either taking our other siblings with them or having them spend time with our grandparents, and my (6 years older than me) brother was left in charge of me if I didn't wanna go with them. When I had figured out that this would lead to bad times for me I started locking myself in the bathroom, but my brother would knock and bang on the door over and over again, saying I'd get in trouble for not obeying him while he was in charge and he'd tell my parents blah blah, so I'd eventually open the door. Now, as a full-grown adult, I cannot hear knocking of any kind without getting triggered. The louder/more aggressive the knock, the worse it is. I live in an apartment - have for several years now - and I still cannot handle knocking. Even if it's on someone else's door, I'll still assume someone is coming for me. I *know* I'm safe from my brother, but I can't help but feel like *someone* is coming to get me and do *something* bad to me when I hear knocking. It ruins me for hours sometimes. I'm a housewife and do a little online work to make a bit of money, so when I hear knocking anywhere in my building, I tense up for a long time and even have panic attacks if it's intense enough, and can get nothing else done for a long time. Are there any tips y'all have for conquering triggers, even a little bit at a time? This is easily my worst/most sensitive one, and it's a massive pain to deal with in a busy complex. My husband and I are moving soon and hoping we can find a house to rent in our new town but it's not very likely, so I need things that could help me in the moment. Thanks.",3.2072690794649894,4.463294875609755,4.21733280881196,88.38300157356413,73.41463414634147,6.656176239181748,26.396538158929978,6.968188349444268,1.0973060582218723,1569,54,327,14,31,509,202,410,0.133,0.8,0.067,-0.9759,4,0,1,0,1,0,49.0,5,1,3,3,19,18,3,1,23,0,35,1,0,8,0,67,58,34,0,14,13,7,1,4,0,3,1,6,4,1,14,25,0,1,6,0,3,6,8,10,0,2,9,7,47,8,56,41,7,63,0,1,0,0,31,27,0,10,32,228,61,2,0.0,0.1044761375029094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08616621300412451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992769873856685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003148461430479,0.0,0.0,0.14724936715797912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925343878461493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191453524665513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112081185597512,0.0,0.0,0.05686731190365112,0.09090732110451524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023638613392887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473222817846814,0.0,0.0,0.18222223944812335,0.0,0.17472158745457098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04458528685081986,0.06299415560164652,0.0,0.0,0.08059280638486642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23034600440165345,0.0,0.10022682059397646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981479778047486,0.0,0.11820728675953747,0.0,0.0,0.17516067409569036,0.08683725743334439,0.10174520923490547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0918234895157858,0.048460149491008735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580531248151462,0.0,0.0,0.08615832548050108,0.17675441044994622,0.07786251112124844,0.1560689524214987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05885928927924384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937189241149482,0.0,0.06538263594415618,0.0,0.0851625573981189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460886667959218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950296248131625,0.0,0.09382727355932348,0.10345751410650972,0.1958217675711216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940709061110782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437413564597229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05648888276727989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14024486820709126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996156849834728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241379984149649,0.0678834896897736,0.08720998491186645,0.0,0.062412619111637674,0.0,0.14083762588465526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629864508111437,0.0,0.07707118305723633,0.08118216506902473,0.0,0.0,0.05858133561219009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25708558540925525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606689771809782,0.0,0.0,0.07275582463008268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08500014146762465,0.0,0.06419440468662138,0.0,0.08986059398706125,0.18791669190766744,0.0,0.0,0.11356707591560306 ptsd,rosie2290,2019/09/04,"why can't i remember? possible tw ok so basically i have always had this strange memory where i am at the church that i went to as a kid and some old man who was like up there in the church was trying to get me to go with him into a van and i was like oh i should to go help him but then i got scared that he was going to kidnap me. fast forward a few years to when i was 19 and i was raped and on my way home from that i thought about this memory and i was like i was molested. like the thought just popped into my brain i hadn't thought about it in a really long time. i cant really remember clearly like what happened i just know i get like spells of thinking about it and like getting body memories from it and memories about the floor in the van and his beard and the hairs on the back of my neck standing up take over. but i cant like put my finger on like what he did exactly. like ive even passed out when getting these spells. am i making this up? i feel like i cant talk to my therapist about this because if i did i would explode probably lmao pls help",1.5256941923774967,2.8117736293103484,3.3117604355716885,93.0671778584392,77.79310344827587,7.298003629764065,22.124319419237754,8.032893268588372,0.7870310344827582,830,23,201,14,19,278,117,232,0.077,0.731,0.192,0.9753,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,14,15,2,1,11,1,22,6,5,1,2,32,40,17,0,3,5,0,3,11,0,2,0,0,1,2,14,13,0,0,8,0,0,7,5,3,0,0,17,3,33,12,32,21,2,34,2,0,0,1,11,17,0,2,21,135,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979011785809331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047201404770996,0.0,0.07172344246618853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306919106392827,0.0,0.13134563855805031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07771223524919771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949160062384545,0.08405515387237254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458865418094261,0.0,0.20060386745493192,0.0,0.09410213652530557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040448966738201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772783336028853,0.0,0.11802092551879755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646619560694365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6323012317674597,0.0,0.0,0.1041239436039538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0785378670439074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346265358517305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132642119217535,0.0,0.0,0.12685560910343954,0.0,0.0,0.1182791464133886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150749912836613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665679650980489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177965411947569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08846444182954054,0.09456933067487104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661042119287573,0.0,0.07539072443908157,0.0,0.2802227790837599,0.06860753424998399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988230122185505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093391727376783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907047586636202,0.10616836676026056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08358112115125252,0.0,0.0,0.07576812443749878 ptsd,symptomatic_basic,2019/09/04,"Flashback? Re experiencing Trauma? TW sexual assault It's been four years. I haven't had a flashback in so long, until last night... I wasn't in my bedroom, I was in *his* room. I wasn't with my boyfriend, I was with *him*. On *his* yellow sheets (ours are grey), with *his* body against mine. Inside me. My body froze and tightened, and I bit into the pillow so my boyfriend wouldn't hear me sob. Of course he knew. He knows my past and we'll usually talk about it after. This time I couldn't. I know, healing isn't linear, be kind to yourself, it's not my fault. Gag. I've never had a flashback this intense and it's scaring me. Why would it be more intense now? Why did my brain decide last night that my bed was no longer safe? Will our bed be safe tonight? I'm disgusted with myself and I don't want to look my boyfriend in the eye. I'm sick of this hurting him too.",-0.669666666666668,1.5165527000000054,0.9733333333333364,99.95833333333331,97.0,3.5555555555555562,17.777777777777782,5.3279370663704135,-0.6687222222222222,666,20,153,4,27,213,106,180,0.145,0.774,0.081,-0.9256,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,3,0,0,0,5,10,2,1,4,0,21,6,4,0,1,22,29,8,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,4,2,1,5,0,9,10,0,2,4,0,0,0,10,7,0,1,10,7,31,3,18,11,2,21,0,2,4,0,12,7,1,0,14,96,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20279211928656207,0.4126552503717752,0.0,0.20735968698938606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20935501775866994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885042101661804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193431212444744,0.20416792088233332,0.3028239173546516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643839003019031,0.1559841623115413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326271872732074,0.0,0.0,0.34862969521106196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17732046690833325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18596928058468826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14929971807834416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083129747083506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204578621371548,0.0,0.10956082611999483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352229969912867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319522696787972,0.0,0.0,0.11961763435478487 ptsd,BlueSwitchez,2019/09/04,"One heartbroken mom, here There are times we just cant stand the world we live in. Not on our own behalf, but in the suffering of others. I think some of us feel for people more than most, having survived our own worst nightmares. And it can take a toll on our personal wellbeing. My daughter went out to the bar with her friends Saturday. First time without mama there. But, her best friend's dad works in the kitchen. Big tough (but sweet) guy everyone knows and respects. Her other friend's dad was there watching out for her. She was with the two most responsible 21 year olds I know, her best friend & her protective boyfriend, who I love like my own. She was less than a minute from our house! My nervous mommy-heart tried to rest assured, she was safe. And, she was. But. A 20 year old kid, not a local, was here for labor day. He was staying in a summer cottage by the lake. There are 2 bars on my road. He, with the big holiday crowd, managed to slip into the bars, looking for a girl. He came up to the kids' table, chatted and asked if they'd seen her. He left on foot. Mag and her friends left the bar after 3. That kid was dead within the hour, found unresponsive on the road near the last bar. They had JUST talked to him!! It was initially believed he was the victim of a drunken driver, hit and run. But now, there are more questions. Cause of death is pending autopsy. The kids are devastated. My town is upside down. Her friend worked there that night in the kitchen & joined them after. She worked last night as well, came here in tears, just heart torn. My babies are hurting and I can't bear it! And the world feels that much more dangerous. So difficult to ever feel the same. She was safe.. And..where one of my best friends lives, a 2 year old was hit by a car and killed. This on the tail of a 10 year old murdered, strangled by her stepmother, all this weekend in the same area. I'm shook. Anxiety is BEYOND. All these young ppl lost in the space of days, it's stomping my heart. In times like these, dark dark days, how the hell do we have Faith in this sometimes ugly, evil world again?!😔💔",1.822720930232556,4.101440995238097,2.3231118493909197,95.80390365448505,80.71428571428572,5.526024363233667,20.71982281284607,6.7210904114959815,0.17456866002214833,1638,46,358,17,43,502,222,420,0.18100000000000002,0.6679999999999999,0.15,-0.9534,0,0,0,0,0,0,78.0,8,0,3,9,18,34,6,2,32,0,28,11,3,2,4,53,47,18,4,1,12,4,3,2,7,0,0,0,2,7,15,20,7,3,8,8,0,6,5,14,1,4,19,7,40,20,54,25,20,73,2,3,3,1,58,37,1,5,30,226,55,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785587621677243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06303507936919282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703202738025278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928355591555358,0.2594182883489383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1884852183397908,0.0,0.08464656472123645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942179169934892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453469558989316,0.0,0.07873586294873043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499036925166793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008862503392563,0.0,0.09034635064450973,0.4456293352008775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158805523253494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29292996006308697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114650697596124,0.09507748833832462,0.08820993154044703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116238617051,0.0,0.0905687713996892,0.13433251426926304,0.0,0.0,0.17905370776093066,0.0,0.0,0.08051206781843842,0.0,0.14551981461911329,0.0,0.0691944840174372,0.0,0.08994834192182846,0.0,0.0743683970454404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650481994512204,0.0,0.0,0.060572813125003025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546519307845201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3458559415352991,0.0,0.11167151364817916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05712515494947229,0.0719477083115844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09230584026315172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149480831377398,0.0,0.0,0.08782646786272935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619538620240396,0.06622926842884673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05279801062658792,0.0,0.0,0.14414271845822224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055943574228362734,0.0,0.08049193922164881,0.0,0.09911596139717824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740866788833508,0.07638478323009648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794297836715391,0.0,0.17996255967845734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21224925315262985 ptsd,buurd,2019/09/04,"Best treatment for ptsd? I'm suffering from ptsd from several bad experiences and its been nearly ten years, but I think my symptoms have been getting worse recently. I signed up for a research study for ptsd treatment because I don't have health insurance right now and free therapy sounded great. I know that treatment wont make it all better right away and that it is likely to get worse first. But after 4-5 weeks of treatment I stopped going, I haven't officially ""quit"" but I probably will. It was so intense and so hard to handle. My symptoms got worse to where it was affecting my job performance and I've been taking unprescribed ativan from time to time just so I can function. I feel like I can't handle it anymore and ever since I stopped going to therapy I've felt so much better (go figure). Its just difficult when I'm also having to go to work and be a normal person. What else can I try as far treatment? The research study was on exposure therapy. I'll have health insurance in a month and I could find someone in my network... I just don't even know where to begin. How can I go through intense treatment like that but still live a normal life at the same time and go to work? Any advice is appreciated, thanks.",4.802448529411767,6.039323779166674,5.501715686274512,80.76308823529412,69.54166666666666,8.480392156862745,30.367647058823533,8.841846274778883,2.4567205882352936,977,39,184,17,17,317,130,240,0.10400000000000001,0.74,0.156,0.9453,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,8,16,12,0,0,6,0,23,5,0,3,2,35,43,21,0,3,7,0,3,3,0,2,5,1,0,1,11,9,0,2,7,0,1,6,5,3,0,2,8,4,19,10,26,31,4,34,0,1,0,0,1,12,0,0,19,120,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477267475244752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755891464618657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06595316418174056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618311538947202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112065313795767,0.0,0.08097847111198266,0.05912119026184048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177983329803182,0.17155080214081694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07743467587224524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810185698581166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405771513277,0.08772853610677121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486999523378004,0.0,0.0,0.04903855864310835,0.06928614374469658,0.0931208635313022,0.0,0.08864258461183985,0.08249543951711613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134137822507663,0.0,0.33071305579497257,0.0,0.07756780943944455,0.10692636718253687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08687956082072512,0.0,0.0,0.20618115967523049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09624270354009734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10660090135205356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850341359735868,0.14214599910967746,0.0,0.08563958174127582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473827831745355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07741254680975561,0.0,0.07129517577376546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900495269925125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468361045091809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10456629441791856,0.0,0.3401110231104215,0.0,0.0,0.10315554571814524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09576104293290036,0.0,0.0,0.16564941667344335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956550815026572,0.0,0.08022704095569137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217512364708919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745239140447317,0.16216769988072116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20160921724425615,0.07292069255149514,0.0,0.0,0.08929080967522507,0.33273259333002897,0.0,0.0,0.06214410812255855,0.0,0.0,0.16965829914122593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06584648709963009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07779556227875496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121255244212585,0.0,0.2965081747270191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06245519660833166 ptsd,Fukyouronnie,2019/09/04,"How to help mother with PTSD who is constantly reacting to things and has zero composure to control her emotions? To start, my mum clearly has a undiagnosed Anxiety disorder like OCD and GAD, i know as i have them two which are treated. All she does is worry excessively, and when i ask her to describe her feelings, she always speaks fast and says she is anxious. All the damn time, she's been abused all her life be it from her dad, and previous partners. Her behaviors almost cross into the territory of a personality disorder like BPD/ASPD, although she has a lot of empathy and is affected by a lot of emotion to things out of her control and for other people. But yes, she is generally a toxic person, she seems to be as provocative as the other person in arguments. It's causing me a lot of stress because we have a neighbor who is causing public nuisance, and although that nuisance affects me, what affects me is my mothers response to the nuisance. We are awaiting the verdict of a landlord to see if those tenants will be evicted. you see she had been in a relationship with someone who had NPD so she has lots of traumas from it, and this tenant who is 12 that is causing the nuisance has the exact same traits as her ex. All day today she has been telling me ''Will the tenant keep provoking me'', and you can clearly see that she is extremely affected by this. I think the nuisance does need to stop and it affects me, but the police cannot do virtually anything as he isn't really committing a crime and is 12, it annoys me every bit as it annoys her but the difference is i try put headphones in and ignore it, my mother on the other hand reacts and in retrospect just causes more of the trouble, practically giving the person fuel.",9.223412935323381,7.201178943283588,9.49910447761194,66.73681592039803,61.05970149253731,12.037810945273632,41.73631840796021,10.650279960617883,4.534804975124377,1386,65,240,26,15,465,169,335,0.115,0.8170000000000001,0.068,-0.889,1,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,2,2,1,2,4,10,3,1,24,1,36,2,1,16,8,64,48,29,0,2,5,6,2,2,2,2,1,2,5,5,24,20,0,5,4,0,0,2,2,7,0,2,5,7,40,3,38,38,11,17,0,0,3,0,50,7,1,7,10,198,64,0,0.0,0.11951759094800048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10100938416110446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393412239036896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07716729825415954,0.11395737796612194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08300959292874542,0.0,0.09430230740503737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061491028866817926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012680388083328,0.0,0.12704556669383507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144959772495208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900749489468944,0.2262745002114147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06505451182308175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539044564670333,0.2312175835180065,0.0,0.17654866494361932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269362998105159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498955503797949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05100424081036842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967662338648696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06761280845401646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0896602427743203,0.0,0.0,0.05543696831234834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124933318045172,0.09856255933328756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34303326628926284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479578901601414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06993239183506804,0.3523124153435583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11791472537106333,0.10140487065824973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06462160015727325,0.0,0.0,0.10829947150126734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802179770019953,0.0,0.0,0.2411473170242784,0.09183066860280482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546906579414645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139817817987712,0.0,0.0,0.08433404901412468,0.11554927542657402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816713893406257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403060783502446,0.06463511863585311,0.0,0.0,0.058819651204496275,0.0,0.09561547388320456,0.0,0.0,0.0684859053258151,0.0,0.09853791798362248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10244106870644523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Crip_ima_crapple,2019/09/04,"I don't know what to do from here. Figuered I am dead So I was in a car accident, caused by myself. I broke my neck and debris cut my throat from my pharynx back beyond my left ear. Luckily my juggler vein was not cut during the accident. I never lost conciousness. I was told during the 40 minutes of my stay inside of my car they weren't sure if my juggler had been cut. I expected to die, thought of my mother and stayed strong. I never lost my cool. Some people screamed and said my ears were bleeding. My neck was stabilized by a nurse and doctor traveling behind me in transit ti my luck. It's been 5 years, my 6th year is October 21st 2019. I havent been able to work since 2017. I have realized after so many years that I have PTSD unfortunately. I own a property so I am able to repay my parents help/support and thank god for them. I don't NEED help but I'm open for suggestions. I have always admired the responses on reddit and here I am... just looking for anything if not nothing",1.4967020273455915,3.740341282178221,3.2327157001414437,89.01820132013205,81.72277227722773,6.421876473361621,23.48043375766148,7.62386473244151,1.1701364450730782,777,28,161,13,21,258,121,202,0.122,0.7909999999999999,0.087,-0.3977,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,4,8,13,3,0,6,1,21,8,6,1,3,24,31,12,2,4,6,2,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,7,0,0,3,1,0,3,8,7,0,0,15,6,35,6,20,16,2,18,0,3,1,0,8,6,0,4,7,107,38,2,0.3130639580914037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024714608142052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288124813656258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203634297437086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080146119802116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16245548103710106,0.0,0.0,0.16021711338115185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20984017200365404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08602588201861075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700724532395444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314474388120744,0.0,0.3417462920321089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869885808673753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160664790528833,0.2414542242609149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019665558517148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17381023841945298,0.0,0.0,0.10851956505606357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829775069205672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14889775753498344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294848706234435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33368452484037525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1776306348331874,0.14752953777069447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411361557064672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12426890657055675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14957301400876094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395714503214364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024043872087191 ptsd,LarryfromFinance,2019/09/04,"Friend is sleep walking and having a ptsd flashback What the fuck can i do, we tried to get him back to bed but he got back up",-0.27833333333333243,1.6086087857142848,1.114285714285714,103.69738095238097,86.14285714285714,3.733333333333334,16.476190476190478,3.1291,-1.3076809523809525,98,2,25,0,3,31,26,28,0.079,0.847,0.07400000000000001,-0.0387,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,4,2,1,0,0,3,7,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,3,6,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,0,2,17,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5593904564243569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2810262499582398,0.33627371712755977,0.19004023827032174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2909177918468714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.425195058539104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3640047977064326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24695701433791914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,greenbagg,2019/09/04,"PTSD symptoms have gotten worse since diagnosis suicide mention tw (i am very new so i’m sorry if that’s not how trigger warnings are done here) honestly, i was expecting it. i know the whole “it gets worse before it gets better” narrative, i just really wasn’t expecting how hard it actually is. i’ve been in and out of derealization more than i’ve been in since middle school (when the abuse was at its worst), i’m having more flashbacks and hallucinations, and my depression and anxiety are through the roof. i’m going to therapy, i’m trying to cope, but it feels like i’m taking one step forward and five steps back. been feeling very self destructive, going through the whole “i wish i was never born, should have offed myself when i had the chance” rollercoaster, which is also super duper fun. the worst part about those feelings, is that it’s so hard to talk to people about without them wanting to put you on a watch. no, i don’t actually want to do that, my brain just won’t let me think anything else than the phrase “kill yourself” i dunno, i think i just needed to get this off my chest. i’ve been venting so much to my boyfriend that i think he’s starting to resent me, and with the financial turmoil we’ve been going through i don’t wanna put anything else on him right now. thanks for listening, the wonderful void that is reddit.",6.484898218829514,6.451073164122143,6.670091603053436,78.35137150127227,65.45038167938932,9.734758269720102,31.9704834605598,9.3871,2.6848923155216275,1067,38,206,18,15,343,153,262,0.152,0.723,0.125,-0.7822,0,0,0,0,1,1,28.0,0,1,1,2,16,13,3,1,10,0,27,3,2,3,1,36,55,16,2,9,7,0,5,1,0,2,1,1,0,1,15,8,0,0,8,0,0,8,8,7,0,2,12,7,23,6,29,40,8,25,0,1,1,0,8,10,0,3,10,139,38,1,0.0,0.1362415936514887,0.2244227700576589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195560330117376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796525773767133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18925012024203333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841842541284592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978460434036406,0.0,0.0,0.10169725543235633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12836427560928768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903871722038077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11767231586155465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19211489753016325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17442367259591615,0.08214721902079485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18022894498790312,0.0,0.19605043923017748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2060127444087075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272168271337059,0.0,0.06319421978114909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758268980822985,0.0,0.05617717045425924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452917283135519,0.08526190507300181,0.08868558483207475,0.111055814434497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791862545681877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452044811184775,0.0,0.07971797654133878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344144403523058,0.2311887492530514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07366404995199992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819884739350812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637366745128808,0.0,0.0,0.11995722440211155,0.0,0.0,0.1902379883938024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871928958926507,0.08138886921902222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257778547648067,0.0,0.0,0.11951622381093052,0.08645642228622702,0.09242273866269143,0.0,0.10586520337980664,0.13149842927880334,0.0,0.0,0.22103838018203426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07806908431005424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18975375108511572,0.135645421578671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2567592685860485,0.13223015308538644,0.11084401673854648,0.12469923004789005,0.0,0.0,0.23436453191860546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,baby-maybe,2019/09/04,"I feel like my anxiety about the anniversary of my trauma is getting worse over time. Is this something anyone else can relate to? I’m 25 and female. I’m not sure if that’s relevant, but it’s just some context I suppose. I had a really rough childhood with a lot of major traumatic events, but some of those events have effected me on a much greater scale than others. A lot of the major trauma happened in the fall and winter of 2009, making this year my 10 year anniversary. Historically, these anniversaries have been extremely difficult for me and I’ve done a lot of not-so-great things to try and make it through over the years (likeeeee dangerous casual sex, a suicide attempt or two, relying on my eating disorder and lots of drinking and drugs). Overall, I’m doing really well currently. I’m getting help for my eating disorder and completely sober. I’m proud of myself! However, I have this huge cloud of fear hanging over my head. It’s only the beginning of September, but I’m already worried to death about how I’m going to cope with a major anniversary at the end of November. I feel like I’ve become more and more anxious about the specific time of year these past couple of years. I’m worried about the inevitable barrage of flashbacks and nightmares and dissociative episodes, but I’m also worried about my ability to stay healthy and clean during this time. I think the fear that I’m going to fall back into old destructive habits and amplifying my anniversary anxiety. I’m know I’m getting way too inside my head way too early in the year, but I can’t stop. I’ve been stressed about this since early August. I have at least 3 more months to get through and I’m so scared I’m going to mess up and I just want to do a good job and be a good person. The last thing I want to do is let everyone rooting for me down by doing things that are bad for me. I guess I’m just venting here, but if y’all have anything that you feel might be helpful I’d definitely like the read it.",4.329678862858646,5.7148521424936405,5.338429411248576,80.92580152671758,70.8320610687023,8.779468281126611,29.582258489076075,9.223106411051027,2.573672703342986,1584,63,303,33,29,521,193,393,0.19899999999999998,0.6759999999999999,0.125,-0.9891,3,0,3,0,0,1,36.0,0,2,0,3,17,20,2,4,21,0,23,7,2,5,1,53,57,27,2,4,13,0,4,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,20,18,3,1,6,3,0,6,2,11,1,1,4,4,27,9,52,49,15,48,0,0,0,1,5,13,0,11,29,192,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695060059537726,0.07025791861804735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13441825614709407,0.09925157656064314,0.0,0.06143052703507754,0.09001822288805325,0.07229749503612214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755536708998269,0.07335557568274084,0.0,0.09702936886964156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211469830974996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721031104791553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20137976234875,0.0,0.0,0.08990656028127804,0.0,0.08606482914978413,0.10188435287462502,0.17979598132830651,0.07339189973981948,0.0,0.07781379311476075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394958410235175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19772346386678588,0.1332669653002906,0.12552780736501884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18360324758175994,0.0,0.14979071758523746,0.14737785518450214,0.0,0.09686087070589887,0.09678261006897118,0.0,0.0776902256750097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032993994706767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11777522358840005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718291203206623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0482830212746622,0.0716138636320725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983808223606389,0.0,0.12876510821338302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29876602199532754,0.0,0.0,0.11728830168006447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320067845368472,0.0,0.0,0.07012532909449383,0.0,0.06458381580277671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09218944634582113,0.0,0.0,0.06681797823278804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386790480275612,0.0,0.0767119323224769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787915863259782,0.0,0.1125648169509062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795856559737435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07267488128405439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763536661185453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364214951267738,0.0,0.07345103469196003,0.10063804521666753,0.0,0.0,0.09609953028175687,0.0,0.08280265942850203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751016393905035,0.05629418244161218,0.0,0.0,0.15368754228082354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964803856570701,0.0,0.08582194400598933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363876314281484,0.1394710285277629,0.0,0.0,0.07899254096994783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26766422030246684,0.08953214170410408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394559199751304 ptsd,j00mie,2019/09/04,"Hallucinations? Hello all, has anyone experienced slight hallucinations from being hyper vigilant? I sometimes feel like I see something out of the corner of my eye like a bug or spider crawling on the wall and I look and there's nothing. I also feel like I see someone coming toward me when really they are walking just close by. I asked my therapist if I should have some other diagnosis for this issue, but she told me that it most likely is related to my diagnosis of PTSD Any thoughts?",5.462747252747255,7.381067802197805,6.8558241758241785,69.06417582417585,68.78021978021978,9.156043956043957,29.48351648351648,9.606745405546679,3.050468131868132,394,15,64,9,7,134,72,91,0.0,0.9159999999999999,0.084,0.6298,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,0,3,0,6,1,1,0,1,16,15,7,0,2,4,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,7,14,4,10,11,3,9,0,0,4,0,5,6,0,4,5,49,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16933757483817208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439982615330328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480615519754193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19795904101790132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18240514249175852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141358122935452,0.3025505863546218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101352094272225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41380429096150345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781790465158884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20318124737306226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24752613799880385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13565341451541982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3374770136297217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17941633420097378,0.1630166276004667,0.2094276192692808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24585977854976815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810701508845732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023376049303253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bilebitch,2019/09/04,"A Letter to my Rapist (TW: rape, self harm, suicide) Don't expect any replies, reads, etc. I just feel better getting it out somewhere. An open letter to my rapist I won't say your name. It was enough hard for me to type just that. My fingers just sat above the keys, ready for when I’d finally be able to get passed the word “to.” I know that it’s fact and I know that it happened, but part of me *still* doesn’t want to believe or accept it. Maybe this, getting it out by indirectly speaking to you, will change that. I know that most people write open letters and (allegedly) it helps them, so I’m giving it a shot. I think that it’ll help me. I want this to be a good school year- I want to do well in my classes, be able to handle stressors at my job, and actually be able to make at least one friend. I don’t blame you for my shyness and I don’t blame you for my general inattentiveness. I was like that as a kid. I think that if we had never stayed at your house, I would’ve still had some academic difficulties and I’d still need to take a stimulant. Those two things, my slight social phobia and attention-deficit, were part of me before I went into seventh grade. It’d be unfair to blame you for something you didn’t cause. You’re, quite frankly, pretty pathetic, and I wouldn’t dare add any unnecessary burdens to your life. However, I do blame you for everything else that’s wrong with me. I blame you for every fucked-up thing about me. I blame you for every fucked-up thing that plagues my mind every day. I blame you for all of the times that I’ve dissociated, because it happened that afternoon. I know my mind disconnected then because it happened several times after the rape. My dissociations were what prompted me to undergo hypnosis therapy to uncover the root of the problem. I didn’t know why my high school best friend wouldn’t talk to me anymore until I was told I went ballistic, just screaming at her. I feel awful, but I have absolutely no memory of this. I told her and she didn’t believe me. I wanted to remember and to make things right, but I don’t get that luxury. I’ll never remember the night I was told I got violent with a nurse during my second hospitalization. I *never* get violent and when they ask me about it during a crisis screening, I say no. I’ll never remember the times my mom said I would just scream, and she would call my therapist for help. I’ll never remember the times I, again, just screamed in therapy sessions at residential treatment. I don’t get the luxury of trying to right situations that I made wrong because it’s as if I wasn’t even there. I blame you so fucking much for that. I blame you for my fear of men. I try to think about how you were such a short, skinny guy and how pathetic you are compared to most men, but I was twelve. I was scared shit-less. You taught me that a man would force his way with me when he saw a small window of opportunity. I don’t trust them. I dropped all of my friends that were boys from elementary school. I’ve never been able to be friends with an actual man since then. I’m scared of sexual advances. I’m scared of being overpowered again. I’m scared of submissiveness and not being in control, yet I lack the confidence to assert dominance. I know it’s not uncommon for women to carry mace, but I don’t even feel safe with it. I’m not going out to parties or late at night and I’m still scared by men. I sit at home like a loser and I’m *still* scared of men. I blame you for my addiction to self-harm. I remember the first night that I started cutting- it was that night, a few hours later. I broke my shaving razor and made some superficial cuts. It wasn’t serious and I had only done it a few times after that before the middle school counselors found out, but it’s spiraled since then. Because of you, I’ve been actively self-harming for seven years. I’ve cut myself with skinny/flimsy razors and tiny blades I would unscrew from pencil sharpeners. I would hit myself on my arms until I developed large, lumpy bruises that matched the size of my knuckles. I would vomit every meal I ate the summers we went to your state, where I haven’t been since 2015. I would hold metal up to an open flame and press it to my skin to burn myself. I would desperately find anything to scratch myself with when I was closely monitored in treatment. I would burn myself by rubbing an eraser against my skin and would claw at my skin with my nails. Not even two weeks after starting treatment away from home, I jumped off of a balcony to hurt my leg. Now I struggle to make it through the day without cutting. I’ve gotten much better tools since I’ve started, as I’m currently using a utility knife. It feels amazing when I do it and I hate you for that. My lower arms are covered in two-year old scratching scars and my upper arms are crowded with puffy lines of recent cutting scars. I get high from it and it’s one of the only things (that isn’t a substance or booze) that can calm my nerves. I blame you for not being able to make friends. I was never the most outgoing girl, even in sixth grade prior to the rape, but this just accelerated my social phobia. I know it isn’t a big deal, but until April of seventh grade, I felt so scared of the cafeteria that I sat in the bathroom for the entire period. Some girls called me “crapper girl” and threw toilet paper over the stall. Like I said, it isn’t the biggest deal, because so many other kids deal with bullying. Besides kids making fun of me about cutting when I’d hold a pair of scissors, that was the worst of the taunting. But I’ve become just so incredibly socially inept. I suck at communicating. I just can’t do it. I don’t understand how my roommates can talk all day. I just know the depressed version of me is moving me around like a marionette and whispering, “you have nothing important to say,” “they know how judgmental and awkward you are.” People don’t like me. Old ladies have grabbed my scarred arm before and told me I was scary. People just don’t like me. I blame you for my suicidality. I blame you for my three inpatient hospitalizations, three outpatient hospitalizations and seventy-five days spent at a treatment center three hours from home. I blame you for thoughts to kill myself. I blame you for almost throwing myself in front of cars and attempting to poison myself at fifteen. I am really trying to get through it. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still passively suicidal, even after years of medication and therapy. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dangerously close to driving off a bridge last month. I didn’t do it though, like I never did it. It’s you that’s controlling me. It’s your actions that lead me to these irrational thoughts that life isn’t worth living. I know for a fact that I cannot kill myself. I haven’t had the highest self-esteem since the rape, but I really think that my life might have worth. I think that I might be able to live with myself one day and not feel like I’m constantly at war with my mind, my body, and everyone around me. I just hate you. I don’t like to think about what my life would be like if you hadn’t raped me, mainly because my therapist says that isn’t a good idea, but it just isn’t fair. Why me? Why did you choose me? I get it was probably an impulsive act, but I don’t get it. I can feel it happening sometimes. It’s like I’m here and I’m being pinned down and everything is painful and hot, searing white and I can feel the tears streaming down my cheeks. It wasn’t very long, and I know you ran out suddenly because you couldn’t get a twelve-year old girl pregnant, but it feels like it’s still happening. Some days I feel like I’ll never be fully clean, and I’ll still carry the used and discarded feeling around with me after three showers in a day. I can’t wash you off of my body and it scares me. I can feel… I can feel you still inside me and it scares me. It really scares me. But if I’ve learned anything from treatment, it’s how to power through it. I’ve met others like me who were abused by sick bastards like you. If it amounts to anything, before relapsing tonight, I was eight days clean, with my longest being 200+ days. I’m studying to help others who’ve suffered like me. I found an internship at a charity that is pro-recovery that I’m looking to apply for. I finally found stability on five medications and weekly therapy sessions. I haven’t been psychiatrically hospitalized since I was seventeen. I volunteer in crisis intervention for a text line. I hate what you did to me, but I’m living with it. I talked about myself a lot here, something I’ve been trying to do less. I always thought of myself as a victim, someone who was always on the shitty end of something, but I’m not. Things got rough sometimes, but I got through it, no thanks to you. I’m not ending my life over you. I’m not putting things of halt over you. I will find happiness. I will find peace. I will find love. You’ll only find hell.",3.211893172041372,4.877974686525615,4.272901729871556,86.33808509015469,74.12806236080178,7.459523446319065,25.274643805107235,8.177118450240906,1.447156524392105,7051,233,1453,114,146,2293,583,1796,0.205,0.696,0.1,-0.9997,7,0,3,0,1,4,216.0,2,43,4,13,63,94,28,13,67,1,132,39,13,20,14,253,255,96,6,29,50,1,24,16,5,22,13,13,7,17,106,74,5,6,50,1,3,18,61,57,1,14,76,41,262,37,200,138,27,175,1,5,4,9,118,62,4,22,106,950,368,20,0.17217585538551994,0.034000039037936365,0.05600626606351241,0.03128284941349767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028734874736302724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04775470146698462,0.0,0.0,0.03902849527460369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02845869725166234,0.0,0.0,0.07084302932432311,0.07663650734711804,0.026826863792240672,0.0,0.026960813969545392,0.0,0.0,0.12244960392525055,0.03169245085055936,0.09767264772141178,0.06466107631435647,0.030114656303494983,0.05075851745533834,0.0,0.06374952035505199,0.0,0.0,0.058603599587762886,0.0,0.0,0.02947867191717995,0.03035653754902868,0.0,0.0,0.031010155513087632,0.06436995407500179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16655877445579562,0.08875287334301564,0.024715801991966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029365946373261027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02397180567523155,0.0,0.050832234456731434,0.02965061402008594,0.03200359856446467,0.09476710721080844,0.0,0.09671038936403488,0.027420234709174925,0.05158018561908706,0.0,0.0,0.032290950840972985,0.17411457157706492,0.061501232744889014,0.027552636991635304,0.06287007789517117,0.13113801049478882,0.024408782439141127,0.0,0.09439096926147876,0.11085219897514743,0.026528967316523617,0.1649170932613749,0.02752779488662115,0.016308584401622563,0.048137646223081566,0.06885238005776056,0.0,0.0,0.02841352771351455,0.12687878358160065,0.0305473999424846,0.02570595794015041,0.08499400575788059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693723103576437,0.06063774810840775,0.08635321065641997,0.0,0.056519511789930414,0.03311130339034075,0.03071963570265676,0.03239426390218425,0.0,0.0,0.028476328216635413,0.0,0.06349569133627263,0.0,0.17347613677581744,0.023391050357416416,0.03237031072120913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134408208647136,0.22431046934128387,0.0,0.07601721735665659,0.025395035659664496,0.02409739248776436,0.0,0.0,0.024396292530319108,0.02589923861327245,0.05430565246793344,0.09577393369771883,0.02909321554863835,0.02882896479043778,0.0,0.0,0.05781635349407796,0.0,0.06088379127974228,0.08692426606012718,0.033608380150542065,0.022904854185874245,0.03049928102876985,0.042189688172062034,0.02127770252267018,0.1991889509671652,0.0,0.0,0.10771691784466543,0.0,0.027534562808484167,0.0,0.09033479856538644,0.0,0.05833540777769446,0.06547374828093745,0.030534541571766056,0.0,0.0,0.062149890989298365,0.0,0.05968252958118266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02919412387740215,0.03093911549358548,0.02745817345779375,0.0,0.028847381658800568,0.0,0.030521702624575632,0.028703741436202586,0.0,0.055150130887355285,0.0,0.028333814290539695,0.0,0.162534733728912,0.04901241324878102,0.10918577756385714,0.0912807672235884,0.2872967792695472,0.1161674384535764,0.0,0.0,0.1197446448839222,0.032418284779474435,0.029456006886618463,0.14242564679109854,0.03225547922314607,0.0,0.08775580097439642,0.024314007256063648,0.06627469261349886,0.05676210783383391,0.0,0.06093347831306765,0.030586092185742382,0.2062497907792432,0.0,0.0,0.029999264572506356,0.0,0.0941662202598125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02157580261672101,0.06919421532669726,0.0,0.026419399180546563,0.13126539727195194,0.06663647951849437,0.13345031906040886,0.11032333597470753,0.028193650621951262,0.06834419847321407,0.08366427156404006,0.0,0.0,0.1096809388366997,0.0,0.07793073592452905,0.0,0.08409539629068769,0.02987352292733238,0.0,0.0495682193460483,0.0,0.0236771854012231,0.06770252028598105,0.02277752997977125,0.04603636190092186,0.0,0.025801128580092723,0.07980437144922915,0.0776809646221307,0.0,0.0,0.027661896746985618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446175753985021,0.06274908974849165,0.0,0.0923963382175968 ptsd,Unlikeablegrl,2019/09/04,"Sharing my PTSD story I’ve had anxiety since I was about 9 years old . My anxiety always manifested with physical symptoms but never to the degree it has now , after the event . At 20 years old , I was in a really dark place . My mom’s husband sexually assaulted me in my sleep and she stood by him . Ironically , the sexual assault is not what gave me PTSD. I decided I didn’t want to live anymore and attempted suicide using my mother’s medication . She has battled depression for many years and has been off and on medication . She had a high dosage of sertraline laying around . Being young and dumb, I thought if I took a handful of those , I would die in my sleep . I can’t quite describe what I felt half an hour later that would accurately paint the picture of how horrifying it was. My heart was racing faster than any anxiety I had known , my limbs felt on fire , I thought I was going to collapse and be paralyzed . I looked in the mirror , terrified of my reflection . My eyes were wide and crazed . It was the scariest feeling ever . I was sure I was going to die a painful death. The ambulance picked me up and I was in a mental ward for a few days . I would never attempt suicide again , because of the embarrassment , as well as the fear . But now I believe I have PTSD. I can’t take any medicine without feeling I’m going to die so I just don’t take medicine . It’s been 2 years now . And it hasn’t been just medicine , I have this irrational fear of being allergic to things , even knowing I have no allergies . I start to feel the way I felt that night , on a lesser degree but still terrifying , and I’m convinced I’m dying . I’ve had to call the ambulance for panic that I was dying because I thought I was having a bad reaction to something. If I eat too much sugar in one day , if I start bleeding from a minor injury , or I’m sick , i start to panic and I literally feel my body in a way I never did before . Like I’m conscious of its internal working.... i don’t see myself as person anymore ... but like organs and tissue that can shut down at any moment . Has anyone felt this",3.2731620553359697,4.848902231884062,4.9790557751427285,81.71005928853756,73.78260869565217,8.013350900307422,27.76284584980237,8.666027191798058,2.125571014492754,1620,63,319,31,33,550,206,414,0.29,0.6679999999999999,0.040999999999999995,-0.9991,0,0,1,0,0,3,49.0,0,0,0,4,15,18,4,5,22,0,42,15,6,3,5,54,74,25,8,7,12,3,10,2,0,3,7,0,0,1,16,14,2,0,16,0,0,4,12,12,1,2,31,14,53,6,46,37,2,54,0,1,3,0,11,20,1,4,30,221,69,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337151827721739,0.0,0.0,0.15537496365693512,0.0,0.1747873944153404,0.0,0.1510612189064863,0.053253092577308384,0.0,0.0,0.06779886484974472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0635907170495891,0.09285329371992318,0.0,0.06480685450982149,0.08580664214418192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0845969877361085,0.0,0.0,0.07776823994919524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823425962180382,0.0,0.06559680406557714,0.0,0.3952121330682025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07793105887922024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05030319765136185,0.06889140335862487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140315140046966,0.1540358598710143,0.0,0.2925035458396644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12985105835463934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025038999094197,0.0,0.0804675988854822,0.0,0.0,0.0750026105155577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041855740556865806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744162070485348,0.0,0.06725099073831221,0.0,0.06395551857977369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07721464836957241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534470948250019,0.07675172695986959,0.0,0.0,0.0891980898865089,0.0,0.0,0.05598662567191109,0.0,0.17621868785090353,0.0,0.0,0.07147133599691798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15983496668037728,0.0,0.05160822909061485,0.0,0.08103998977522286,0.1787155390390942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06650028627331182,0.0795713633780783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670821458971793,0.0,0.0,0.08100591465585055,0.0,0.0,0.048790275025733486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06068994418119005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06300063450301732,0.0,0.15243071861705204,0.0,0.0,0.0586319638381845,0.0,0.0,0.16172007848402614,0.0,0.060821759647757476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666141389217788,0.0,0.07178023534903878,0.07915977242049674,0.11452622069610903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05059755718073978,0.0,0.0,0.1813884492893904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08461695916258792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06577809559607256,0.0,0.0,0.0449213519289082,0.12090509315995815,0.0,0.0,0.06847730762243731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341586656116053,0.0,0.055445647113907516,0.0,0.0,0.1623063978424407,0.0,0.0,0.19617909210978865 ptsd,shams25,2019/10/30,I think I have ptsd from smoking weed... last year i smoked weed and had a really bad experience with it at this a few towns over from me. every time someone smokes weed near me my heart rate goes up and i feel low key anxious if it’s a lot of weed. whenever i drive by a place that looks like the place i got my bad experience my heart rate goes up and i feel anxious. What can i do to overcome this? my friends always want to go to the place i had my bad experience. do you think i should try to drive there by myself and see if i can handle it.,2.789237288135592,3.2212204237288167,4.162500000000001,91.4908686440678,73.57627118644069,7.594915254237289,23.224576271186447,7.645422480735847,0.6282338983050839,422,10,104,5,8,140,67,118,0.149,0.792,0.059000000000000004,-0.8905,0,0,2,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,1,6,0,0,6,0,8,2,2,0,0,14,17,6,0,4,2,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,3,4,20,2,15,13,2,16,0,1,2,0,2,10,0,3,4,65,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199961531659249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258376114832421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3612336407800774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12150504911946765,0.0,0.0,0.4232017881851053,0.0,0.0,0.14583610379406226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141803456732023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195915089656547,0.0,0.11533971859589555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3417844456010421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755223989164368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07045482593584514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110197785909285,0.0,0.0,0.12260410662069753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4520133539693034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685764149690764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238606670877746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491850022813252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219058015860937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848107867180253,0.0,0.0,0.08409132870031534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791065839662036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506012753081812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928679674431178 ptsd,karma_ra,2019/10/30,"Advice for overcoming driving PTSD? Hello guys, Soo 3 years ago i was involved in a car crash with my best friend next to me in the car, a huge truck smashed us off the road one night and gave total damage to the car, we lost consciousness a few seconds but we got out the car alive and with a few scratches. However since then i am unable to drive the car off the parking spot without another driver next to me in the car.. when i try to drive alone I start getting hardcore panic attacks and my legs start shaking really hard and stop responding all together.. its getting in the way of my day to day life not being able to drive myself and I really don’t know what to do anymore. Any advice is appreciated!",3.652069632495168,5.201867127659575,4.723984526112186,84.02454545454547,72.75886524822695,7.68046421663443,27.002578981302385,8.296473431620573,1.7919588652482266,559,20,110,9,11,183,92,141,0.157,0.76,0.083,-0.8854,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,3,0,0,2,1,7,1,2,12,0,6,2,1,0,2,18,14,8,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,10,0,1,2,0,0,11,3,5,0,2,4,2,14,2,20,9,5,33,0,2,0,0,9,9,0,0,12,70,16,0,0.16461186183543602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3217136124789872,0.14591848340571245,0.0,0.0,0.17048824452147274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194171082936298,0.17260988990709042,0.0,0.0,0.16325073441398882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726975697776654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17274999325147414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21232206576859988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271787161166794,0.0,0.17200580740994018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13165514348955806,0.0,0.0,0.16299162345713233,0.0,0.0,0.14745989513977253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046637429265872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627022616547647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796932925454723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35013316508568504,0.15447708121921985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11154525776816036,0.0,0.0,0.1931365522569028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19242245751845305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21090914763880506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13616863316231653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330262461194495,0.0,0.0,0.13762288732567318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11176064877986336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980078016640648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066123387349018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15867996062137213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600464201013207 ptsd,brightnight3952,2019/10/30,"Cant stop thinking what I did wrong When I was young, about 5 or 6, my “Father” started getting abusive yo me and my sister. 4 years after that started my parents got divorced and they had joint custody. It continued to get worse and worse, starting from disciplining for no reason and then at the time they divorced it it got to hitting with a closed fist every night. Then, 4 more years passed and my mom finally got full, but he had visitation every other weekend. As you can probably guess, it got worse. I was 16 when he finally tried to kill me by abandoning me up in upstate New York on a mountain with no food or water on a 12 hour hike (normally 12 hours). I got lost and too a long trail around and was out on my own for 36 more hours before I finally made it to the trail head and called the police. It took me so long because I had to free climb, I had to swim, and I had to drink from a river. That resulted in a very nasty virus that emptied my guts. The worst part of it though, was when he came to pick me up. He yelled at me and nearly decked me. He would have if it hadn't been for the officers there. Its been 4 years now and I still remember every little thing about that incident. I think back to see if I did anything to deserve all of that but I cant remember anything. Recently though I have found the love of my life and they are helping a lot. Should I tell them About my past though?",3.604310344827585,4.36020029310345,4.550517241379311,88.26370689655174,71.93103448275863,7.868965517241381,26.568965517241374,8.07648339933343,1.3981241379310347,1095,35,241,15,20,356,158,290,0.138,0.8140000000000001,0.048,-0.978,1,0,1,0,2,1,27.0,0,1,4,2,16,7,1,0,13,0,22,7,2,4,1,42,43,28,1,5,6,4,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,17,18,3,3,6,3,1,6,5,5,0,0,24,2,34,3,38,16,8,53,0,2,1,1,21,15,0,6,32,166,51,0,0.0,0.10858229396183336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15082921182644454,0.0815819432804004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704680208334833,0.0,0.05586488917215,0.0,0.07798167624957401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357802899226124,0.1048154913039192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08977551947099814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316402324282381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011721812348473,0.0,0.0,0.11081541057724367,0.1004821196455734,0.0,0.0,0.09575965636048746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3664774895827784,0.0,0.10095539816362648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09405243811468432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061426554743169964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707504940026394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138970449846066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06473035457475347,0.0,0.09185063600763453,0.0,0.1622028271257123,0.0,0.0,0.1000394591528458,0.07791183428202235,0.08271163269419296,0.08671508161333284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733149479668057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850964500565063,0.0,0.08600100447694965,0.08979095072032914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175901042446757,0.09924073507042487,0.08748387459769373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09880694930071213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422454874305354,0.09048667705712456,0.0,0.20762792909819205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302782420993813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1945967428720954,0.0,0.07318643692330458,0.07661788050118447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010026073632424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088371905922065,0.11744261905395426,0.2701171539486337,0.0,0.053437929991392366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181904930504447,0.062219767360984876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561529863409469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28017697624827465,0.06510075241020279,0.10019753361615152,0.0,0.17704579126181502 ptsd,lout15,2019/10/30,"Mentally I'll and pregnant... TW: CHILD ABUSE AND PREGNANCY Okay, so I'm new here. I dont know if this is the right place, but theres no harm in reaching out. My story summed up is that I've been abused for 6 years since age 9 (now 15) by being raped pretty much every day, along with physical abuse, emotional abuse and kidnapping. I've now been diagnosed with cptsd, gad, depression, self harm, dissociation and emotional deregulation. I've recently opened up, literally only a week or two ago, but now I've found out I'm pregnant with his baby. I dont even know what to do. I'm no where near old enough to have a baby, and my mental health is pretty unstable as of all that's happened. I'm having flashbacks 24/7, and though this has added to my problems, could talking about it make it EVEN more worse? I just have no idea what to do, to even think about this. Someone please help... ""Everyone wants happiness, No one wants pain, But you cant have a rainbow Without a little rain."" ♡Stay strong and keep fighting y'all!""",3.535965346534653,5.142187683168316,4.4050371287128725,85.96715965346534,73.15841584158416,8.020297029702972,25.496287128712872,8.660442795831766,1.6711475247524756,800,26,165,15,16,258,131,202,0.28300000000000003,0.605,0.11199999999999999,-0.9938,0,0,0,0,6,0,40.0,0,2,0,1,14,10,2,0,5,1,17,4,0,1,1,33,30,15,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,9,14,0,1,5,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,3,0,9,3,22,25,4,22,0,1,0,1,8,11,0,2,11,96,18,0,0.0,0.5248242648291944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816228927263093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08841504241897019,0.0,0.0,0.07141665521903287,0.0,0.09537821850457498,0.1123964342070416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595675186844581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2491300145995459,0.0,0.11442164586533887,0.0,0.2194236188217656,0.0,0.0933012880931779,0.10581461764374596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12141817198576528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792498214684058,0.11788234051268108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11770899647564702,0.0,0.0,0.07422514587278414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12500938394642105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842875560241324,0.0,0.0,0.12171708745177948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098826695848066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391827445642267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22319511106863293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08140495093832742,0.0,0.0,0.10695116044129498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620058777156493,0.0,0.07503873124547349,0.08422101067005214,0.11783272009201234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156973268910203,0.12155674038707988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253201030768577,0.0,0.105961023180444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093401189793308,0.0,0.0,0.09456939050163744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552357180442632,0.0,0.0,0.09160336954142713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382769361659686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803165378331955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900676836661801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095624658919064,0.10879922773034864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817464181079052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063192882119934,0.0,0.08882710312149875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674719084748263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285117660255395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07131144794253604 ptsd,FazeKyoWard,2019/10/30,"I can't stop seeing it A couple of months ago I lost my girlfriend to suicide. I loved her more than anything she meant everything to me anyway here's the story: So we talked for countless nights and we cried together and she kept telling me I want to die and shit like that. So I spent nights staying up on like 12 hour phone calls and she kept asking if we could do this everyday and I told her of fou e baby. So it made me happy and everything was going well and she was getting better. After a.week I got a long ass text while I was at work and she said on ton of shit but the end of it said thank you for everything you changed my life in so many ways. You were always there for me when I needed it the most. You were the first relationship I was in that I truly enjoyed. You didn't use me or take advantage of me and that means a lot. But I'm going to end it all and there nothing you can do. I love you forever and I'll never forget you BBY. I freaked the fuck out so I ran out the door ditched my shift and raced to my car.I called her and she was crying and in tears . I said hello... And there was no response at first. I said ally I saw your message and I'm on my way there. I love you forever and you mean more to me than anything you changed me and made me better. She said I know but I can't take it. I told her ok as soon as I'm there we will go get ice cream and go do something special and talk about everything. She was still crying and she said I'll be in waiting.. if im still here. She hung on me and I kept calling but there was no answer. I was panicking.So I ran red lights and raced there. When I finally made it the door was locked and nobody was answering. I called her and again no answer. I broke the door down and sprinted upstairs and she was bleeding out. I died.... I was in tears and crying. Her last words I love you. Keep going and don't forget me. I love you babe. She died in my arms and I remember hugging her and feeling her body so empty in the bath filled with water and blood everywhere. I remember her squeezing her so tightly and crying and crying feeling her empty body. She died in my arms and I constantly have nightmares about it and I constantly see that moment over and In my head. I remember every detail of it. It scares me Everytime I see it... Anything would be helpful :)",0.1518362597842149,2.369562284253579,1.959453141527394,96.03087423312886,87.71165644171779,5.0084056131443475,18.860482335519357,6.48374012150746,-0.04956416331711422,1803,51,408,20,58,591,204,489,0.146,0.706,0.14800000000000002,0.037000000000000005,0,0,1,0,0,2,48.0,4,14,0,7,26,24,3,1,12,1,29,19,9,4,2,86,83,56,5,6,7,0,4,2,1,2,2,6,4,1,16,45,1,7,12,1,1,8,8,7,1,2,37,17,99,17,44,41,6,58,0,2,6,8,70,21,4,5,28,281,115,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05423722939247199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050911214343250036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15105129086187544,0.0,0.057200157083096025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822715596707937,0.0,0.1359265326920436,0.0,0.0,0.24990883228209934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945223338447598,0.0,0.0,0.13223951783979265,0.0,0.048851620851102666,0.06770056123214968,0.4032562090339711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540034408476135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838433513241286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155139924322976,0.0,0.21995822863501432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187442633246298,0.0,0.0,0.06702569408188562,0.0,0.1040886628074518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05656498312696461,0.06393376778315027,0.0,0.17386556937854888,0.0,0.048935611524197314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513307290491653,0.0,0.0,0.06279394649482564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04101133228679021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06025536525031674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06609080946465737,0.0,0.0,0.054384459001325484,0.0,0.0,0.033625935387319665,0.04987432616591656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043217108490072695,0.059784262246746114,0.0,0.0,0.054147217509777655,0.0,0.0,0.06679117066327607,0.0520177004582637,0.27611138754136777,0.17368551961882345,0.0,0.06203246537956539,0.0,0.13329783274120685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488376601731718,0.0,0.0,0.04536825236411533,0.04719000813171803,0.0,0.0,0.11483684169977272,0.0,0.05870911076512834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06569029912790733,0.2079336378509216,0.0,0.3492083724131979,0.0,0.061257331572387615,0.0,0.1462706989205554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256120159258174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047103565757625816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06521557238787447,0.09772559428401256,0.05115379447018464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06692697579183818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200772094927287,0.09835712979299582,0.05347879956886548,0.056331362281914425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169306814815841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052844602986044896,0.0,0.0,0.03608877676934892,0.09713235977920652,0.04907929515466941,0.0,0.05501308759502953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044543752483064164,0.0,0.0,0.04346440395978336,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nevermoreravencore,2019/10/30,"Constantly on edge I have anxiety that is very closely tied to my PTSD. Long story short, I work in retail and it is the worst environment ever. My bosses give me too much to do, my body is breaking down and hurts constantly, and my anxiety is at a high pretty much all the time. I dissociate at work frequently, but I can usually catch myself before it gets too deep. I am constantly having days where I feel like I'm on the edge of a mental breakdown. My friends at work notice and give me advice on how to calm down. But some days all I want to do is cry and feel like a chicken with my head cut off. I go to therapy 1-2 times a month, which helps. But the anxiety at work is constant. My therapist has agreed with me that it's okay to leave my job because it's too physically demanding. I'm looking for another job but I need to figure out how to calm down when I feel like I'm about to lose it at work. Any advice from people who have been in the same situation?",3.992560275545351,4.371598313432841,5.5862686567164195,82.55049368541907,70.84079601990051,9.368694986605435,27.40183696900115,9.466822959209583,2.1310647531572906,755,24,164,16,13,258,110,201,0.109,0.748,0.14300000000000002,0.8519,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,6,9,11,1,0,9,1,15,2,2,3,3,27,28,12,0,2,4,0,3,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,9,9,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,4,0,0,1,4,22,7,30,27,7,37,0,2,1,0,5,20,0,1,17,109,31,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20584260384237973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716238677565806,0.11044129874903158,0.2417174993024596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06420447548592431,0.0,0.08962288649116408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169911159354081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4552709013151552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569336505638185,0.13585041221672334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952715028391222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976479443270078,0.2257302583660187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08137298846966877,0.0,0.055027393774930086,0.20207257561093864,0.05985800294170879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10809271345222762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705963940255833,0.11128048931980107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275141968023325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20903544982001512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115228088294969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436782099345026,0.0,0.0,0.093208342415652,0.08844555449439265,0.1178305099462033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614172475046972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406853688055631,0.0,0.15485037919427333,0.07809634170750468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199119650061406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07301833486916298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10715227697876016,0.0,0.0,0.12311800979803154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11838848318638932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044706552316307,0.1222891726472075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12283043310363548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11599940235449265,0.08690325282044656,0.062122768577574386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833852896660638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,little_tor23,2019/10/30,"My favorite movie is a trigger. DAE struggle with having something they love, trigger them? I really don't know much about PTSD other than the fact that I have it and it sucks. So I don't know if it's a normal thing to not absolutely hate a trigger.",3.1385294117647082,4.590990647058824,4.42171568627451,86.0702205882353,73.90196078431373,6.668627450980392,26.47549019607843,7.1686216300943375,1.231113725490196,197,7,40,2,4,65,40,51,0.092,0.7090000000000001,0.19899999999999998,0.7659999999999999,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,2,0,2,4,2,1,4,0,5,1,0,3,1,11,10,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,6,1,4,10,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,30,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3406160515127846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37920592942814907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113759487499753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25361467914561103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33802672682179674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4032865106878435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2210158193599728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655978373056081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3606688832651137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292026546687038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,_This_Clown_,2019/10/30,"Dissociation I’m losing time. Some things and memories are at the very surface at the moment and despite all the practices I’ve been taught to ground myself and keep myself safe, I’m still slipping out of my body. I’m still panicked internally and it’s getting through into my life again. It is out of my control MOST of the time, I can definitely take myself off into fairyland if I need to, normally during painful procedures or when I feel unsafe. I am in therapy. If you do this too, how long are you in and out for? I have found myself zipping back in from a flashback while driving. I wish I knew what I physically looked like too, like to I freeze? Blink? Swallow? Tremble? Look around? Focus on one spot? Is this different for everyone? I’m so sick of this merry-go-round, this is just ONE part of it.",2.0864705882352936,4.5551801257861655,3.5683388827229017,86.1379911209767,81.0754716981132,6.256899741028488,25.07621161672216,7.510576382923642,1.3949123936366994,636,25,124,10,17,209,103,159,0.099,0.8109999999999999,0.09,-0.5108,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,0,2,11,6,0,1,5,0,10,5,1,2,1,28,25,12,0,5,4,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,9,11,1,3,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,2,4,4,18,3,25,21,4,26,0,1,2,0,2,15,0,5,12,92,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555586506651648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300216052116793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065746604712609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2085851208532329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943027501680875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17770567193424255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09403380163048004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039103700246949,0.0,0.0,0.09716349053333703,0.0,0.1056930394697504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16530181312819772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313585999153348,0.18171453991438866,0.0,0.0,0.16458071652408993,0.3123418431183945,0.20805680320829886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13789701160883344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822145676348503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25204094583538944,0.0,0.19788894167996066,0.0,0.0,0.20139120354060452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970373930498084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982894538251622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21267693248557729,0.0,0.12355254572291627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21688531484673126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344763405063486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386037456518436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bayfarm,2019/10/30,"Help- I might have PTSD from experiencing the mass shooting at the Garlic Festival I was there a few months ago when they had that mass shooting. Although I did not see it I heard the loud gunshots going off. Even though they killed the gunman almost instantly I didn't know at the time and thought he was gonna blast everyone away. Now I'm scared of going to public events and anytime I hear a loud pop sound I instantly want to run. Even though it's unlikely to experience that again the thought that someone is capable of doing that scares me. I feel paranoid at times.",3.6389189189189177,5.900625369369369,4.047108108108109,85.81714864864865,74.58558558558559,7.322882882882882,26.41531531531532,8.238735603445708,1.7400190990990985,460,17,89,8,10,144,76,111,0.107,0.805,0.08900000000000001,-0.4588,0,0,0,4,0,0,7.0,0,0,2,0,8,4,1,2,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,10,21,6,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,8,8,11,1,11,11,1,18,0,0,1,0,7,7,0,2,8,58,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854542257278435,0.0,0.19039524214590456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17864044132049564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25116805262524505,0.0,0.0,0.18168453055948952,0.0,0.18599096069885396,0.0,0.0,0.09613923359902543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21611904730393647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21429878262422566,0.0,0.12744515912734547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035897386248276,0.0,0.10449459813387096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20170584159224292,0.0,0.0,0.15176593943966793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22226056396685154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807216169114373,0.0,0.15151497127053554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1611028877466114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736182590948804,0.30189587477444585,0.22174141198912667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121480245001056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tashcan4,2019/10/30,"Not recognizing hypervigilance Today my therapist told me that I’m actually always in a state of hypervigilance, and I just can’t believe how out of the blue it feels. I’ve obviously read a lot about the symptoms and recognized a bunch in myself but I always thought of it as a more situational thing for me, not my almost permanent state of being. Like obviously I’m aware of people raising their voices but I didn’t realize how *constantly* I’m monitoring my surroundings. Now I’m seeing all these little things like how I sit in a room or position myself in public places. How did I not realize this earlier? Somehow I never even considered all of it hypervigilance, or even realized I was doing it but now I’m suddenly aware that this runs my life",4.521130536130535,6.674875699300702,6.881276223776226,66.95217074592077,71.72727272727272,10.640792540792539,30.09848484848485,10.686352973137794,3.9390750582750576,607,26,104,21,12,216,82,143,0.0,0.9520000000000001,0.048,0.7255,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,11,2,0,0,7,0,6,2,0,4,5,29,15,12,0,0,9,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,1,0,11,3,0,0,5,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,5,4,16,2,14,9,5,19,0,0,2,0,3,9,0,5,8,80,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.19900950793958885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20420976736754426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33937772712679043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297630226869879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203794762104398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26939207628652223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311481687712584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14404413881651376,0.19926304352572094,0.20439476734504164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337682060444032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572859527064156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413816902924383,0.0,0.2130669201383217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398851274126945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16250845707659803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2292296023189429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21196480985686275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23678230905026665,0.2709684795470752,0.0,0.0,0.16190028086328667,0.0,0.0,0.19330494726395334,0.1948670318736371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pixeltune,2019/10/30,"I’m supposed to start EMDR tomorrow, but I’m terrified I’ve been having PTSD symptoms for the past five years since breaking up with my abuser. I got formally diagnosed earlier this month. I trust my therapist and love her. She’s fantastic. However, I’m really terrified to start EMDR. I’ve heard so many positive things about it but I’m sitting in bed trying not to panic at the idea of talking in detail about my trauma. Everything in my brain is telling me not to do it, but I don’t know if it will work for me unless I try it. My biggest problem with my PTSD is avoidance. I avoid anything that I know triggers me and find new triggers still, all these years later. It’s not as bad as it was 5 years ago, but when I get triggered it really effects me. Does anyone have any positive EMDR stories? I also have to work right after my session, which probably isn’t the greatest idea, but I need money :(",3.6554047619047614,5.188706238888892,5.223174603174602,80.515,72.7222222222222,8.476190476190476,29.523809523809533,9.04235418022936,2.61454761904762,713,30,134,15,14,241,109,180,0.154,0.667,0.179,0.8207,1,2,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,3,6,8,0,3,3,0,11,4,1,4,1,28,24,14,0,3,10,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,12,4,0,2,6,0,1,0,5,6,0,1,4,1,22,2,21,19,2,23,0,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,14,87,34,3,0.0,0.1700889837519506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725268356698913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480073519841165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09762219818657096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037686578209093,0.0,0.1181333826336601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986227581068964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602546520726233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14570511733363165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562578765534518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12901781294866396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13120650191856412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500146681611107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481390104543407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241118294227371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15778794615495328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12956382699342225,0.0,0.0,0.14554205250244004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458408524516868,0.0,0.0,0.10644407774412214,0.0,0.13864613669470532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1684306470019463,0.0,0.0,0.1370393162833265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547763726569999,0.13736257225792844,0.3356157976189536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839297832560502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259502925002795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875002798223527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20321767652829625,0.0,0.11464306220208105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920842090171574,0.0,0.1153839240527522,0.12547323739261348,0.0,0.0,0.16667820689061633,0.09537144154885983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19492859495918533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2090192328445302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27733378633414196 ptsd,brookalaa,2019/10/30,"I don’t know if I have PTSD or just vivid memories It’s very painful to talk, think, or write about and I don’t want to go much into detail, but my father passed away from a sudden and unexpected heart attack about 3 years ago. He was 65, I was 21, and I watched everything happen that morning from him falling to the paramedics “trying” poorly to save him to me staying with him until they took away his body. I can’t express how painful it is to think about but I still am in so much pain looking at photos or videos of him as it makes me think back to that moment I lost him. I feel like a horrible daughter for not being able to honor him and reflect on the happy memories of him like my sister can, but it’s just easier not to think about him. Lately I keep having flashbacks of that day, and of other intense moments that happens after my dad died but were so emotionally intense that I pretty much lost my shit and wouldn’t be able to stop crying and ultimately ended with me crying over my dad.. my family knows I was there as my mom went through it too but I couldn’t really process what had just happened before me as my mom was in so much pain and screaming that I feared I would lose her too from a heart attack if she didn’t stop panicking. I don’t know what to do. I can’t imagine going to therapy for this as it’s too painful and I do think I have gotten better with time but it’s still very raw. I’m more worried about the fact that I am being a terrible daughter by choosing to never think about my dad. And I’m also uncertain why at different times of the year I get very vivid memories of that day. Would anybody be able to tell me if this ptsd and I need help or is if this is just grief?",6.2316246498599455,4.8597801876750735,6.754523809523814,81.96130952380955,66.45098039215686,9.726050420168068,30.757703081232492,8.515128840125781,2.0597887955182075,1345,39,291,16,18,442,170,357,0.22899999999999998,0.675,0.096,-0.9958,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,5,22,22,3,2,8,0,31,9,4,2,2,64,59,35,2,10,20,9,1,2,0,3,5,1,0,0,21,15,0,3,13,1,1,6,11,16,0,0,12,6,48,6,51,39,5,36,0,4,4,0,27,9,1,9,22,208,69,0,0.2393871290524802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0707340820373895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06381260020502694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155827889681544,0.14994139192481135,0.06135797525191064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06790027170949497,0.0,0.0,0.07057282068607365,0.0,0.08863504480403463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17530368034036942,0.10292326282385283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281534853432264,0.08336953296888774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975943318578243,0.07067531415872891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171523860706032,0.0,0.07522429345392834,0.08979235792250805,0.04034710840912087,0.05700607094230064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04168996486351168,0.0,0.09069948141271893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21168924763297373,0.08494401675398075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891166003541845,0.053485382179921936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092609315867332,0.0,0.0,0.13156090561296765,0.0,0.09001303618020151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796830622939405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700829907166944,0.08927098818452299,0.17421288653528424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053264255838017284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869115415359045,0.0,0.0,0.23463611211955554,0.0591675076430386,0.061543370557886924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4245413055989625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118092382425318,0.0,0.0,0.18655382893615674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05111917490959578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08190914929563002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505160936630543,0.127449913660181,0.13342557262263166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06413676883636664,0.0697449674022302,0.0,0.09125334828889298,0.0,0.0,0.3067792125364232,0.0,0.0,0.0930590400338652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865596952402971,0.054176048947595166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975194521165867,0.0470655770072664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397142231622236,0.07200321656127348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08103641656018779,0.0,0.11336916541774072,0.0,0.0,0.1027716416629814 ptsd,xenaaaaa13,2019/10/30,"Uncontrollable crying Hi everybody. I'm diagnosed with CPTSD and depression and have a lot of anxiety. For a long time but especially recently, I cry at everything. Any slight positive or negative emotion, watching an advert, seeing a cute animals, hearing something happy or sad, my eyes well up and I just can't help it. I rarely cry, like really cry about anything. I'm so frustrated by it, it's embarrassing and it happens in public a lot. Does anybody else have this experience?",3.871379310344828,6.9535584942528805,5.842080459770116,68.6734655172414,79.0,10.376551724137933,32.83793103448276,10.125756701596842,4.791364137931034,387,21,60,15,10,133,68,87,0.375,0.488,0.13699999999999998,-0.9814,0,0,1,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,2,5,0,3,2,1,0,0,11,8,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,1,0,0,4,4,4,8,8,2,6,0,2,3,0,4,3,0,4,4,38,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944807853427244,0.0,0.12312243890856195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13244397258191098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7071618387110488,0.0,0.0,0.13862164136337898,0.16335572667908235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140844001965154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344488457313553,0.18104139539477296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464693467502676,0.15743503466005787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232307929953106,0.17132888185409725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813966449943772,0.0,0.10787800100111992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862956825451697,0.0,0.0,0.1424312076447499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27365926582785105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10310545007461787,0.0,0.15891371213916056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825227991653373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390327820669733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09384828905368796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447088301630929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,madhatr,2019/10/31,"Getting work after/with PTSD I was diagnosed with C-PTSD 5 years ago. After close to 40 years of pushing down my feelings my body finally gave out. My body became weak, I had really bad vertigo, I couldn't stop the nightmares and the flashbacks. The furthest back memory of my brother was that of him laying on a slab dead. I could only remember the last year of my dad's life when I was caring for him daily. I could only see my niece the way she was found when she ODed. All 3 events happened in a span of a year. After seeing about 10 doctors about my physical symptoms they finally figured out that it was ""all in my head"". My short term disability turned into long term which turned into disability. I was technically fired from my IT job at Pfizer because the disability insurance company didn't turn in my paperwork in time so I was classified as no call/no show. They did however after enough fighting and statements on Twitter that the company was waiting for me to kill myself so they wouldn't have to pay out, honor the disability and sent me the money I was owed along with helping me with SSDI so they didn't have to pay long term for long. Fast forward 5 years, I sold my family home and left all my triggers behind to move from Memphis to St. Pete Florida. I am now feeling so much better I would like to get off disability to earn a living wage. The problem is when I submit my resume, like I have done close to 50 times all they seem to look at is the fact that I haven't worked in 5 years. Did I throw away 17 years of hard work and experience? Will I ever be trusted to work for anyone other than Uber now? Will I ever surpass the stigma of PTSD? Will I ever stop feeling bad about being diagnosed with something that normally seems to only apply to Vets? Will Social Security's Ticket to Work recruiters ever call me back? Will I ever stop believing what the world seems to say, that PTSD just means that I am weak and should have ""sucked it up""? I felt so much better, but now this backslide of no one wanting to hire me feels hopeless.",5.866021703521702,5.945001911547912,6.592791769041772,78.00017864455367,66.73955773955774,9.436895986895989,30.226146601146606,9.188382445141503,2.4581974610974617,1626,54,312,27,24,537,204,407,0.083,0.855,0.062,-0.9185,4,0,1,0,2,2,36.0,0,0,5,9,23,17,3,0,17,0,37,11,3,1,10,57,64,16,2,9,2,2,7,2,0,8,8,1,1,0,14,18,0,5,13,2,6,5,7,9,0,1,20,11,51,8,62,31,10,70,0,1,3,0,18,25,1,3,43,217,65,13,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484526965057821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051149922703933336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872917348392198,0.11249950054686507,0.1221585490852851,0.0445930796383783,0.0,0.0,0.08241780713087014,0.0,0.12939486752570975,0.0,0.1625118532752171,0.0,0.0,0.14939374484017368,0.0,0.07458384010247215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168126234485438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849647737282734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07487467444563314,0.0,0.0748603964660433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558607826875109,0.0,0.0,0.33085308159743143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155717322361001,0.0689616582670256,0.0,0.1479523900813522,0.0,0.07023786336260825,0.1602699568153197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020793077706315,0.0,0.0,0.07643831475380003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646885063489488,0.0,0.06553026347181867,0.0,0.07507556043130252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049032572840741265,0.0,0.07337791312980925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725925598684452,0.0,0.08093239303275064,0.0,0.0,0.05962904383384,0.0,0.0,0.07948039569397902,0.0,0.05166976788725914,0.07147722421804266,0.0,0.06459498991601048,0.1942129581237821,0.06142966865438601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07968450826823541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774952118764089,0.10755099608215264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167390959890163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04957002121594451,0.16690729772944854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06999705458685562,0.34204539009408425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04686335901801359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08286751226603134,0.0,0.0,0.05817379710180622,0.0,0.0,0.11658612874988834,0.1997858416283633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0745697524340672,0.0,0.05631636160752965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18347627450139165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603344791086715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531161175217039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387067123683717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043147234605843764,0.05806504251998031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662794240568102,0.0,0.0,0.05196543087735612,0.0,0.0,0.32975464138929284 ptsd,fardsnif,2019/10/31,"Has anyone had Audible hallucinations? A few weeks back I was at Kroger and it was pretty crowded. I'm always stressed out and on guard but it's worse when I'm around my girlfriend, because of a need to constantly protect her. All of a sudden I heard gunshots and screaming (if anybody has been in a situation where there's a crowd in a panic you know what I'm describing perfectly). As quickly as it started it stopped but it really threw me for a loop. I haven't had another situation like that happen to me. For frame of reference I'm a medically retired Marine. I don't talk to anybody about what's happened, not my friends, not family, not even other Marines. I wonder if it's taking a toll on me. The only person that knows other than the people who were with me is a single therapist who prescribed me some stuff for nightmares. I stopped needing that medication but I couldn't sleep well for a week after that incident at Kroger. Has anybody experienced something like this before? Any closer would help, I'm a highly rational person so knowing that I'm sane keeps me that way.",3.586744360902255,5.853635042857146,4.959573934837097,79.19086466165416,74.76190476190476,7.659147869674188,29.14786967418547,8.532816995589336,2.472809523809523,869,38,155,17,19,289,128,210,0.11900000000000001,0.805,0.076,-0.8299,0,0,1,1,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,1,10,8,0,2,14,0,14,3,1,0,2,30,33,12,0,6,8,0,0,2,2,1,2,3,0,2,20,6,0,5,5,0,0,1,6,3,1,0,8,4,17,5,24,23,4,24,0,0,0,0,13,11,0,4,13,112,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481989072363798,0.0,0.0,0.09383887711320199,0.144696004085602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648678833406688,0.0,0.0,0.12284159295632725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610686119491343,0.0,0.08411827054240159,0.0,0.11742050932738272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1491196702296365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911420116543962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008600155450634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661180559657338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440506608725724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249271997033756,0.1457954797675441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265308773614565,0.0,0.0,0.22750937744018165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348312458603693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27802361594988856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2046377343761317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494867021043083,0.0,0.16190316423633805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956658550762009,0.2409775183100625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038685241046386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840081789305912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31021620790159754,0.13809104571215294,0.0,0.0,0.10623251365642113,0.0,0.0,0.09767101606605944,0.0,0.0,0.2307339617384224,0.15806867099854424,0.0,0.15796712737699126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375235202504199,0.11091225224546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602186394529373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095311423960981,0.2213767390602208,0.0,0.12407083169228487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496457761153673,0.0,0.0,0.1406250153244948,0.09802512427582764,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cuddlesnakes,2019/10/31,"Probably destroyed a close friendship (TW: hurtful therapy experiences, sexual abuse, suicide) Long text, I'm sorry for that :/ I didn't know where else to talk about this. I think I was an asshole but I didn't know what else to do. Sorry for my English, I'm not a native speaker. So, I have/had a friend that was very supportive and understanding and really helpful in the past. I absolutely honor what he did for me. But a while ago, he was less and less understanding, to a point where I felt he defended my abusers by making excuses for them. For context, for a few years I was kept in hospitals that did a lot of harmful and highly unethical ""treatment"" and I couldn't get out of it, I had no chance to get out of there. When that started, I was already slightly traumatized by events before, and the longer I was kept in hospital, the more suicidal I got. It was absolute horror for me and ever since I am terrified by doctors. He told me things like ""they surely had their reasons for that"" or ""oh, people simply make mistakes"". Especially the ""they had reasons for that"" really really hurt me. I then decided to talk to him an tell him, that it hurts when he does that, and ask him if he either could stop talking like that or that we might not talk about this topic at all. He apologized that he made me feel that way, but that we just have different opinions on parts of this. Now, this is the point where I probably got unfair. His girlfriend was sexually abused, and I am really really sorry that has happened to her. What I shouldn't have done, but did, was asking him directly if he would tell her, that the guy surely had his reasons for that or just made a mistake. I know he is very emotionally involved and takes her pain as well and hates that asshole. It was unfair to compare it and remind him of that pain and hate. My trauma isn't that obvious, and I absolutely don't want to compare it. Whatever reason caused it, is valid, and the outcome is equally bad. Absolutely no discussion on this. But I felt like he didn't take me that serious because they were medical professionals who just made some mistakes. I apologized for what I said to him, but got no more answers. Think I fucked it up completely and hate myself for that. I'm sorry for this wall of text.",5.50532320620556,6.097046445701356,6.317559793148027,77.88489819004525,67.57466063348416,9.93419521654816,31.17032967032967,9.957137785484203,2.958511700064642,1787,68,345,40,28,590,198,442,0.237,0.672,0.091,-0.9976,1,0,0,0,3,1,64.0,2,0,5,1,15,26,5,0,17,0,39,5,0,10,5,80,78,33,2,10,17,0,3,3,2,3,4,2,0,1,41,21,0,3,16,0,0,0,12,17,1,0,34,5,52,9,44,39,11,31,0,3,0,1,49,17,1,9,16,251,93,2,0.0,0.2577398101110293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427632128232713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08001731171500079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557534981987726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06054336878155536,0.04420182272739219,0.0,0.06170122738356635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448841743761757,0.0,0.0,0.07602604298395617,0.0,0.0,0.057893858372930276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07575820215540834,0.0,0.07421772870265565,0.06345456349004701,0.07420357599717188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114669703484507,0.08156472805456443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06559003944188199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07092933503029822,0.0,0.0,0.03666356625009571,0.0,0.13924320142414412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602155276423012,0.06703493282241346,0.07576764972787935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17398018614016986,0.0,0.0,0.07179694930442641,0.06412093341216933,0.0,0.0,0.21476778188567516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04860236409214299,0.07661148891419052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328724700535907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195498802529608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627513123850993,0.0,0.0,0.06416964856404679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06164596651552565,0.0,0.2058340071231025,0.09680285153905756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304685716315898,0.0,0.07692234698991272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431290020487345,0.0,0.0,0.07852197406856848,0.06921962566785927,0.050269758756049394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709201440336058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15635750189232572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322609140838097,0.298212122986563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06897423839409429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059981563743238285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3246789703221811,0.05132341535219795,0.0,0.0,0.06062215502165898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15862977687602173,0.0822842328582416,0.13668086983748745,0.0,0.10903797812745578,0.23312527375742506,0.12675501832911398,0.0,0.08292225421974883,0.0,0.04817285770579555,0.09292380070900537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928703894777988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15097229972877613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11965776985267194,0.042768663449368916,0.05755558344344028,0.0,0.0,0.06519578770153249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150948941450998,0.0,0.0,0.04669448494963305 ptsd,ck_296,2019/10/31,"i dropped out of high school because of my ptsd (tw for physical/emotional/s*xual abuse, drug use) i just need somewhere to yell. as a child, i dealt with emotional, physical, and sexual abuse from older kids/teens. this mostly took place when i was 10-12. ive dealt with emotional abuse from my parents, which still goes on. my symptoms manifested when i was 12? but not for the reasons people thought. got diagnosed with a panic disorder, which wasn’t too far off. but constant panic attacks, disassociation? im still angry no one really paid enough attention to look into WHY I felt like this. anyway im in sophomore year of high school. one evening as I’m being driven home, I suddenly remember that “huh. I was sexually preyed on by teenagers far older than me.” and then it went to shit. constant panic attacks, missing school, suicidal thoughts. i pulled out of public school and enrolled in online school. was too depressed to do my work, and emotional neglect from my parents didn’t make it any better. got back in school junior year. failed. was put back a year. started the school year again, but i. got real into abusing drugs. i have a habit of getting self destructive when im upset, so I guess this triggered my downward spiral. started missing school, became violently suicidal (and almost committed), went to the worst mental health facility in the state, and pulled out of high school entirely. if I wasn’t enrolled in a program through my moms college, I would’ve stayed a dropout. i just wish things were different. that i wasn’t so fucked up. but idk",3.677151095732409,6.458006017301043,4.254197231833913,81.72014244521344,77.06228373702422,7.313540945790081,28.31845444059977,8.344100000000001,2.3890151326412914,1245,54,216,25,30,394,164,289,0.312,0.644,0.044000000000000004,-0.9986,3,0,2,0,3,0,52.0,0,0,0,5,16,18,6,4,10,1,14,7,1,4,1,39,38,19,2,3,8,3,1,1,0,0,5,1,1,2,10,14,0,1,6,0,1,7,6,16,0,2,21,3,25,2,38,16,3,51,0,5,1,1,6,21,2,4,21,131,35,15,0.0,0.3073509518065286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493883058773728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04410085072564858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14755457169122788,0.0,0.09973271186693802,0.0,0.0395325200664434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05735537036729465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016161572611002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055856004006470034,0.06582232062848109,0.0,0.06775541057157326,0.0743247749190992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15041296120054906,0.0,0.0,0.2188456753300026,0.0,0.06700833806803283,0.0,0.042833422292095635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06226705500771732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059953632303775664,0.03388193007025528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556016194664197,0.0,0.07144060183169518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893349741509314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20555567865373134,0.06505076228781892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101503723819246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03168288469430552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05445844127492065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04328849394467619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653544761767389,0.0,0.0,0.07595261593978818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048086136866651835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878893260705336,0.0,0.0,0.22826575181788025,0.1440185483640822,0.0,0.0,0.04495946375368031,0.0,0.06775541057157326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.075807257298571,0.06519308845547056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381454679714898,0.041545161172634765,0.06667754862016817,0.0,0.0,0.0734634525823089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5906933567049679,0.0,0.0,0.06765365500342461,0.0,0.06656853939873696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09180363261498822,0.06912245405689924,0.10358006000321164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418727656586108,0.0,0.0,0.06740493882979877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308407089131459,0.0,0.0,0.10296877614247774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07205176040704478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05601037464385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023490863189247,0.05851787010014331,0.0,0.07457535969572908,0.0,0.0,0.04721224351478615,0.0,0.0,0.04606823425472588,0.0,0.0,0.1670474699333753 ptsd,Bpentiumquadcore,2019/10/31,"I might have ptsd, what to do? I might have ptsd and am not sure what to do. Who do i contact, where can i get help. Short backstory; i am a 23 old guy who studies molecular biology in the medical field. As a child I was often afraid of the dark and that just weren’t there, i was in fear so bad i was terrorising myself for as long as i can remember. I had psychological help for my fears from when i was 5 years of age to around 10ish years of age. It didn’t really help because i was too stubborn. Later panic attacks including seizures for bloody subjects start to form. Usually i try to flee, but when i cant i am having a hard time. I am basically 24/7 on tension. I know the triggers but none of the next is related to it. Need to know where the exit routes are and need to make sure i am not blocked. I get spooked when i don’t expect someone to be there. I need to know who is where in the room and what they are doing. My life is just starting to be giant control freak shitfest. it is going downhill and i cant get it to stop evolving. I need help. While on elementary school i had a few knock-outs caused by stories of extreme trauma my teacher had, stepped on the head by a horse, pieces of plastic to close his skull... this was not really that bad, generally lost conciousness for a few minutes. but the mental impact really was big. since then all bloody stories caused panic attacks. Had a few instances of lost conciousness after. Fast forward since elementary, high school, got hit by a car minor brain injury (nothing to write home about). Few years pass; biology class lessons on vascular system, i get light in the head and lose conciseness, this time with heavier physical backlash than before, heavy sweating, tired for days, muscles remain sour for a few days. Had to have my wisdom teeth removed, while discussing the removal i passed out.. After highschool i went to “uni” and started studying molecular medical biology. Went ok for the most part until my third year. Medical microbiology class, got forced to watch cerebral injection because there was no way to get out off the college benches. I blacked out and had a heavy seizure again, my classmates (~100 persons) and professor thought i might have had a heart atrack. Making gorgling noises and flexing hands and arms in a hands up motion. Pased out for about 10 minutes. Medical staff on the way. This time the backlash was even worse. This really made everything worse while i thought i was doing a lot better and might have shed the trauma of elementary school. I feel ashamed and am afraid of large masses of people now.. A few months passed, was on the bus to uni and a story came on the ready about a guy with a tumor in the throat. Graphical explanation how they were going to save him. I got light in the had and had to lay down in the bus, literally no one helped me even when my borther asked for help. Almost passed out but this experience really spooked me. Now i just don’t want to go on public transport, i am so scared for another seizure. Last year i had a seizure at home, my mother and brother witnessed it. An ambulance was ordered and drfibs where brought in. They thought i had a heart attack. Literally bathing in sweat, muscles where flexed, heartbead of 10-20/min and gorgling noises. My body kept sour for more than a week. Not even talking about the mental backlash, i am so so scared for it to happen again. Tldr: i might have ptsd from childhood fears and blood related lost of conciousness/seizures. The fear i starting to lock down my life. I need help. What do i need to do? Next week i have a colloquium i have to attent but injust can’t go there. Classmates will discuss their medical internships, which are to much for me now. I feel on edge already. If i go i get blacked out for sure. What to do?",4.021769500762018,5.8289833664850175,4.534343970812358,84.7117990578673,72.283378746594,7.537579088348036,28.6532120260472,8.227898612235593,1.9451358518450104,2997,119,584,47,59,950,314,734,0.165,0.782,0.052000000000000005,-0.9981,1,0,0,0,0,0,97.0,0,0,4,7,36,32,4,12,44,1,73,23,15,8,4,90,120,42,0,9,13,2,5,0,0,6,8,0,4,4,22,30,0,5,11,1,0,21,14,25,0,2,41,12,67,7,104,70,15,114,0,4,3,0,29,45,0,10,46,393,89,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0547522800582412,0.0,0.060338710389035766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057334819348780874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04867515578730704,0.05111669958252424,0.18661290540634232,0.0,0.0,0.09130796115466128,0.06666259895646108,0.0,0.04652708782575996,0.0,0.0,0.04835839008451856,0.0,0.06073511062932624,0.0,0.06103891089725112,0.0,0.06253724982507372,0.0,0.11233906640388724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06132620700792555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0705257809454323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834322909562494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0491412054931355,0.053485733433828,0.0,0.24611253050749696,0.055293842254363706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17140249437790192,0.0,0.15537429494742158,0.0,0.1311933610358249,0.0,0.0,0.10827995187656186,0.048351717248534085,0.0,0.0489808924249927,0.0,0.11223113579615253,0.0,0.0,0.1295877682439061,0.25654733154950016,0.05777047919993498,0.10969330745716588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901490620844614,0.04456999906137312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07724160436493796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048388451917291284,0.0,0.061170876094931215,0.1790630155403235,0.046485417224222746,0.0,0.05173779805821396,0.07299619418172754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754124741715629,0.11020545181681082,0.29002444083604106,0.0,0.0,0.04364358649852697,0.0,0.040194739729424486,0.2432589816120595,0.0,0.0,0.11630168919643112,0.0,0.0,0.052465170215853736,0.0,0.05737553217644827,0.0,0.037051337016628036,0.0,0.0,0.12830608187348164,0.0,0.059211120080787674,0.0,0.03790695225692424,0.04774286120317185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917475327701216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17514115044892786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0619396976112386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10948475580806326,0.16601165436323825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046067971579336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0463286284293507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480593530271833,0.0,0.0,0.045713390972685904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15460055913062304,0.0,0.0,0.04394823468862213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302250568168969,0.095649826273768,0.06284450265679199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03712288219142648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0602202695358986,0.0,0.03225059605587607,0.08680195838208035,0.08771904533404415,0.0,0.0,0.10137440620055677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144343481357732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760547151456543 ptsd,Ellejayy91,2019/10/31,"My professor singled me out in front of class for my startle response After a long hiatus, I've returned to school. My anatomy professor can be a bit abrasive, but it usually comes about in a general manner when speaking to the whole class (not that it makes it ok). My startle response is exaggerated because, well, PTSD. It's worse this time of year. A few weeks ago, my professor made a loud sudden noise to demonstrate something and when he did, I jumped out of my skin and started tearing up. He asked if I was ok and moved on. Fast forward to yesterday. I was the first person in the classroom. We are learning the nervous system and my professor asked me about my jumpiness and what (regarding the nervous system) was going on. I answered the question and he asked if I was always that jumpy. I thought he might be taking note to be more aware and told him yes. Then, during he warned me he was about to make a loud sound. I still jumped. He used it to make some kind of point about the intensity of our responses based on frequency or input. He said that even though I still jumped, I didn't cry like last time because I knew it was coming. I didn't explicitly say I had PTSD, but it still felt like my trauma response was being exploited as a teaching tool. I was incredibly embarrassed and now I'm anxious about returning to class. I don't remember much of lecture or lab after that. I want to address it with him but I'm not sure I have the courage. TL;DR: My professor intentionally startled me and then drew attention to the severity of my response in front of the entire class and now I don't know how to move forward.",4.286792452830189,5.799929393081765,5.088191823899376,82.18247641509437,71.1069182389937,8.067295597484277,30.54559748427673,8.59863814320734,2.3824125786163526,1289,55,247,22,24,418,164,318,0.136,0.8079999999999999,0.055,-0.9733,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,2,0,0,1,16,15,0,6,17,3,23,1,1,7,2,47,45,24,0,3,9,0,2,2,0,1,0,6,1,1,14,16,0,0,9,0,0,12,6,7,1,1,18,8,36,8,39,22,7,51,0,0,0,0,21,13,0,7,30,168,50,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084024802501339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175486412513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815260326507425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34297321053970586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490933867910548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1335087285873005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068357379273447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343295424108823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077122311765825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741733262896305,0.0,0.0,0.1040195944800027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06950008015473008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12734595078670322,0.06720724560502964,0.09968246383064537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948918445991336,0.0,0.0,0.10822257594002538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11571351339975235,0.2448880628068376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12973009397569032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599492909942878,0.08989703328786929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677868824954112,0.0,0.0,0.115603336402339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28590033509092433,0.0,0.13699250153161646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13853044193048691,0.0,0.11632555140238933,0.09724971343916086,0.0,0.12376375050507105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13815260326507425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09414462010592003,0.0,0.0,0.08655731081199533,0.0,0.29298224456619226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525663726187135,0.0,0.09194666896506087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014905339577595,0.09708439749736103,0.14261626727600907,0.0,0.0,0.11685309179621793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561907559968392,0.13468487696438802,0.0,0.07212965991831857,0.0,0.09809345689831624,0.0,0.10995316700942698,0.0,0.0,0.13653213288328184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462369748617468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07875058624325038 ptsd,positivelypeaches,2019/10/31,"Sometimes I get turned on by my trigger (TW r*pe) I was sexually assaulted and abused by a few different people growing up, when hormones were confusing enough and ever since then I get very slightly turned on when I see a r*ape scene or hear about it and it makes me really sick. The idea of r*pe is horrible and sickening and I hate that it happens to so many people and happened to me so many times but, does this happen to anyone else? I've been working on having a healthy sex life that's wholesome and doesn't involve that shit, I definitely used to through myself into sex after it happened because I was super numb and I thought that's the only place I could regain control. Ever since meeting my now boyfriend, it's been really pure and healthy sex wise, but this still happens every now and then.",5.84403846153846,6.613497891025642,6.000410256410259,79.82792307692307,66.88461538461539,8.547692307692307,32.90769230769231,8.548686976883017,2.621012307692308,645,27,118,9,10,205,96,156,0.10800000000000001,0.741,0.152,0.9079,1,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,10,8,3,2,5,0,9,7,1,4,3,25,24,19,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,11,11,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,6,0,0,6,2,14,2,15,17,2,18,0,0,1,3,3,6,1,2,11,80,25,1,0.0,0.1517433616516031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955032071941325,0.1312240203573995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07807097982527418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14364267655401095,0.10225438613506199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13380708548040618,0.0,0.0,0.11207591995936024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698700592549068,0.0,0.0,0.13233172589660291,0.0,0.0,0.2316953614147131,0.1079054613169703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382377215064442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5662644422689129,0.0,0.0,0.1264437386826337,0.0,0.0,0.1443454856552299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457673114027605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046043554325613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548848218482334,0.2596880741036362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740387506609302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17757680925826724,0.0,0.13380708548040618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640913068175335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205611923812806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146318746343266,0.2118835452450596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266656348177466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227777992928427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10167418155156052,0.07467931318016874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2786092532233761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061234703673332,0.0,0.1056721053532038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323731714431048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cryingcatmeme,2019/10/31,does anyone else cling onto stuffed animals because of trauma? i’m almost 20 and i still am very attached to my stuffies. i feel like it could be because they were my only comfort during domestic violence disputes in my home as a child. is this a bad or weird thing?,2.1056410256410243,4.756979307692311,3.4476923076923067,85.78064102564106,82.84615384615384,5.7743589743589725,27.89743589743589,7.1686216300943375,1.7950282051282054,212,10,38,3,6,69,46,52,0.252,0.665,0.083,-0.8803,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,5,7,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,6,2,5,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29954136089580835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916275358866854,0.3065000461687796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24976595418305425,0.3647008963102401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23883564903740165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617758132115889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24988963275406406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15125208247411845,0.21370272328465426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30005766483085594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14614267476860535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22750630656997786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23889028994071845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198732578195716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2468184184671093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PaulJozsef,2019/10/31,"Recruitment Opens for New Trials of MDMA-Assisted Psychotherapy for PTSD Phase 3 clinical trials of MDMA-assisted psychotherapy for PTSD has officially launched. Trials are taking place at 14 locations across the United States, Canada, and Israel. For further information: [maps.org](https://maps.org/research/mdma/ptsd/phase3/timeline/7525-phase-3-trials-recruitment-opens-for-new-trials-of-mdma-assisted-psychotherapy-for-ptsd)",17.877183908045982,19.67133005172414,13.71896551724138,31.139252873563237,41.58620689655173,17.388505747126437,48.64367816091954,15.4700424275458,9.138395402298851,365,17,30,14,3,107,35,58,0.0,0.8959999999999999,0.10400000000000001,0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,12,0,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3700230623831893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20014125620106216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8957017352210458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14403059533597318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sleeplessknights_,2019/10/31,"I need to let it all out (wall of text) TW: domestic violence/psychological abuse Hi everyone, this is my first post here. I want to apologize in advance for the possibly mistakes but english is not my first language. I hope you'll understand and I'll do my best to be as clear as possible. Sorry for the wall of text. First I think that a little context is needed: I'm an extrovert person, who loves joking and funny stuff, but there's a dark place of mine that no one knows about. I have a lot of mood swings and everybody call me a moody person (for a long time I was convinced about it too) but I realized that there is a more deep reason for all my strange behaviours. I always lived in an tormented family with a complicated background; around march I randomly discovered the PTSD: I tried to study deeply all the symptoms and I felt that I'm living that kind of situation. At the moment I'm not able to go in theraphy but I'm saving all the money I can to seek someone specialized in traumas and stuff, so it's a work in progress! I don't know how to properly bring the trauma up because I've never talked about it, except with my boyfriend in a very superficial way. Maybe I'll explain why later. I don't remember much about my childhood and I don't know why, the memories reappear at age 10 when the trauma occured. At that time I was living is a very bad situation: my parents were splitting and my brother (8 years older) was often drunk and very violent. At a certain point my father leaved the house with the classic excuse to go buy cigarettes and then never came back: he found a new house and I went back and forth on the weekends (or when that was possible due to his job) to see him because my mother didn't want to made me cut all the communications with him. He is always my father, after all. I was very young and I was not realizing deeply what was going on. Here is when the shit hit the fan: during that time my brother's situation got worse. He continued to be very violent against my mom because he though she was someone fragile to beat when he wanted to. I don't remember why that evening they were verbally fighting for but I remember clearly what happened later: I was in the bathroom near the bathtub and suddenly she were threw against the door and then on the floor by him. I was completely terrified and pietrified and the only thing that I was able to do was burst into tears screaming to the fear I was feeling. Due to the terror I was feeling I also peed my pants and it was so humiliating for a 10 years old child but I was attending the worst domestic violence episode of all my life and I wasn't able to control myself. After all this thing the memories tend to blur again so I don't know what happened after this episode, except the fact that my mother kicked out my brother out the house and he went to stay with my father. My father never helped my mother and never believed to what she tried to explain him, he always ignored everything looking the other way. After some years my parents got back together and I didn't understand why. I was shocked. During the middle school and the high school I grew up extremely angry and sometimes was very difficult to not burst in anger, because I felt a visceral hate towards everything and everyone. I felt betrayed by the whole universe; despite this all the symptoms that now I'm experiencing were silent. Long story short: after the graduation at the university, this year, I felt that something really bad was emerging. At the beginning I was freaking scared and sometimes I'm still afraid of what I have inside me. I think that everything appeared because once finished the uni I had not a very busy life anymore and so I was not distracted from my feelings. I live in a state where the flashbacks are in loop in the back of my eyes, even though I don't see it clearly but I can feel them because I know they are there. With time I learned that are some things that triggers me the trauma, like hearing someone puff or people talking throught a door without distinguish the words. I usually live in a very hypervigilance way and when I feel triggered my heart start to bounce very deeply and faster, the sight blurries, my muscles tighten up, breath speed up and sometimes I sweat a lot. Like I have to fight for my life. The flashbacks often appear without triggers too like intrusive thoughts, for example while I'm walking and listening to music or while I'm talking to a friend: sometimes I can overcome it, sometimes I feel trapped and confused, not knowing what I have to do to come back to reality. At night I often experience nightmares and relive the trauma in a very vivid way. The only person in this world that knows partially what happened is my boyfriend: he is a very understanding person and knows what means dealing with things because is in teraphy too. Despite this I feel very uncomfortable to talk about the symptoms with him because I fear that he will change his mind about me, I fear to expose myself this way and that he could change his behaviours towards me if he knows. He always gave me all the time I needed to feel free to talk about what is happening to me, but I progressively closed myself talking less and less. Yesterday he said to me that I cannot keep everthing inside me forever and that is important to let him know to give him the possibility to help me overcome this problem. The fact is that I don't want to involve him into all this shit, but I'm afraid that I'll be forced to not having big ""couple problems"". He feels taken away from me. I feel very guilty and I don't know how to manage all this things. I do not expect someone reading all this shit but I needed to drop it somewhere. Sorry.",6.7797217199115964,6.772217223327306,6.9295418927064505,76.64956499899539,64.83182640144665,9.915531444645367,34.64416315049226,9.566635760418476,3.166165923246936,4563,189,849,80,63,1469,412,1106,0.14800000000000002,0.762,0.09,-0.9975,3,1,2,0,6,1,90.0,0,1,3,10,44,51,10,9,71,0,74,15,7,8,23,185,161,71,0,15,27,13,15,3,1,2,6,4,2,5,61,54,1,3,43,4,3,15,28,36,0,4,45,26,126,15,130,107,24,140,0,0,6,1,76,53,3,17,66,594,187,8,0.1149868413674548,0.04541353474432925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03065164516598402,0.12757101789537278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03801201625017775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03412088914769697,0.0,0.0,0.036011307533359266,0.14736297216240346,0.06400613969216809,0.1869197632755336,0.0,0.0,0.0431835980030978,0.040223865296929694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03913814044525231,0.04383810456010101,0.0,0.0,0.08109388763713747,0.03301699406910255,0.04018717181918981,0.0,0.04298917337439327,0.03060254542249123,0.042410250962803916,0.0,0.0,0.0395154614648616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050631816170983286,0.0,0.0,0.07324990305295595,0.10334275862673553,0.0374930650341095,0.03613312015814122,0.1293921647831991,0.19380267321130712,0.0,0.14720720007661106,0.0,0.0,0.0978077485261019,0.0,0.04202571215995931,0.0296128494677676,0.0,0.0,0.03676861865139245,0.06534967182192374,0.0,0.061310320859613035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13557664542848666,0.0,0.0,0.03784190001702133,0.0,0.0,0.04319950907006685,0.04541998688682978,0.05138217063334349,0.04049663704012914,0.0,0.038069292897927286,0.0,0.1326793765091983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038035565765502925,0.03406852931120522,0.0,0.03991370021077365,0.23171045644948654,0.0,0.0,0.04058482073964265,0.0,0.07838789059671848,0.08121860662273167,0.05617676248243295,0.038415674392434984,0.16922581264009065,0.0678398241235462,0.03218666219088103,0.0,0.0,0.06517180037483347,0.034593371240049915,0.0362677765224656,0.0,0.0,0.03850657914518248,0.04175145993226902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038701310239108284,0.04489039962466774,0.0,0.0,0.02817618632020615,0.11368171450798825,0.11824658770199516,0.037018335973683036,0.0,0.03596912040036646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040219782382149454,0.0408190777639365,0.02597268653114402,0.05830178291031145,0.0,0.0,0.0851195197088852,0.0,0.0,0.02657246587021374,0.133869432843776,0.04004559184245318,0.0,0.0362332440413171,0.17284051540188364,0.03670853624375814,0.0,0.0,0.07335125191768138,0.04480448806767397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03833931947992104,0.0,0.024554504995447105,0.03940854131904322,0.0,0.0,0.1302576759242378,0.0,0.036459605954056784,0.0,0.0383739626084952,0.07758188154556046,0.06108641678221545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803234025838115,0.0,0.12925002745681338,0.0,0.0,0.12990397005898716,0.029507496077819693,0.18954154386388888,0.08581223653300378,0.027129426051303,0.0408535578038788,0.030609546683535875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775494866997849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951535585599962,0.0,0.1848441349340457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12732024669840625,0.04911928332207177,0.07531599188229496,0.030428902630313205,0.11174958650174366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204567823599996,0.0,0.0,0.11970535709228422,0.0,0.0,0.04221392018255539,0.4111301416056032,0.09042962432647457,0.15211867080096245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106263596766538,0.1383436523667498,0.0427929006566405,0.0,0.07389547450881552,0.0,0.02790393000072604,0.0,0.03906047165137425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09873034113194497 ptsd,tavahouse,2019/10/31,"Panic attacks and intense flashbacks every night for 4 nights I saw my sexual assaulter at a party Sunday night. He did not approach me or say anything to me but we made eye contact and this snapped something in me. I was absolutely out of commission from that point until now. On Sunday, I got no more than 30 minutes of sleep. Monday night, I woke up with an intense flashback after about 1 hour of sleep and had a panic attack so bad my eyes rolled back and I completely went unconscious. I went to the hospital then and they gave me a chest X-ray and oxygen as well as pain medication and a prescription for long acting anti anxiety. I have been taking these meds around the clock. Tuesday night I still woke up every 2 hours having intense panic attacks and by the time 7 am rolled around, after not being able to sleep or eat, I began to have a panic attack but passed out a total of 4 times going completely limp in my roommates arms. I have managed to sleep throughout some of the day today but I am scared to fall asleep at night. Is this normal? Will this pass? Please, any advice is appreciated. My body can not handle this for much longer.",4.780050448430494,6.096719681614349,5.4025756726457415,81.15301149103142,69.67264573991032,7.548094170403588,26.493553811659194,7.865858978985527,1.5895204035874433,911,28,167,11,16,294,141,223,0.20800000000000002,0.727,0.065,-0.9908,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,1,0,8,13,5,5,11,0,15,13,10,1,1,26,26,18,0,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,6,14,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,12,1,0,13,5,21,1,35,11,4,46,0,0,3,0,6,12,0,3,26,115,27,1,0.08704976447999242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08506402237373492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059196824910012436,0.0,0.0665928315615111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163453904640987,0.15498549201799136,0.0,0.3961266960320768,0.0,0.06693589562382556,0.07268291726970222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669266437261097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825400437323916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613989664225804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907364106055883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14668636199989993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049472387216589364,0.0,0.06962164880197304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17145296634610613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07703630226845562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08236859192622009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669266437261097,0.08769347961389147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399159296706805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4901418423102351,0.08529028677536256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09262708687144924,0.4085365707909612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955545008453684,0.08229016440403222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922546663620037,0.08715200019866802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484505231153402,0.0,0.0,0.06701516156340423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951805436048679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06545058941209672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151883540789168,0.0,0.08251299826523457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826819252395457,0.16139200757444813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway_cusreasons,2019/10/31,"Husband thinking of leaving me over my PTSD NSFW. Trigger warning: sexual assualt (not graphic) Two years ago I (30F) recovered memories of being raped at 21 and drugged and molested at 16. I'm doing EMDR therapy and it's really helping. I have accepted what happened, I have much fewer intrusive thoughts and my hypervigilence is decreasing. I still have huge problems with sexual intimacy, but I've slowly been making progress with my husband (30M, 3 years married). I'm not up to having sex yet (last time was probably a year ago), but I'm able to give BJs and make out sometimes. Sex is my biggest trigger now and it's gunna take time, bravery and trust for me to get there. My husband is very supportive most of the time. He reassures me that I'm safe, stays with me when I need him, listens, is sympathetic, etc. But every 2-3 months he has a breakdown where he starts saying that our relationship is totally different now and that makes him really sad all the time. I'm trying to be understanding - I realise that sexual intimacy is very important to him and it helps him feel close to me. But what I can't deal with is that he keeps saying he has thoughts about leaving me. A few days ago he said this again for what is probably the fourth time in a year. I got upset and we argued about it. He said that he thought the main point of being married was to be happy. When I reminded him that we promised in our vows to love and support each other through all our ups and downs, in sickness and in health, he implied that he didn't know if he could commit to that anymore. I do realize that two out of the three years of our marriage have been way harder than predicted. But vows are vows. It upsets me so much that he feels he can just change his mind like this. It feels like we're not even really married. Also I'm angry because I'm working so hard, I've come so far and I'm really positive about the future, but apparently that and his love for me might not be enough for him to stay! Even if he does stay, I now feel doubtful about the security of my marriage. I'm sure life will throw other bad things our way - will he leave then? I want the commitment he promised. I just can't see the point in a fair weather marriage! Had anyone experienced something similar? And do you think I should consider leaving him since he's apparently unsure about upholding the commitment he made? Thanks in advance for any responses!",4.034013000342114,5.6819488649789065,5.139549549549553,81.03202702702704,71.9535864978903,8.668628121792679,29.47747747747748,9.21561531244674,2.597558284867145,1918,79,369,42,37,632,233,474,0.077,0.732,0.191,0.9965,3,0,2,1,0,0,54.0,7,1,0,3,23,25,3,3,15,0,38,9,0,6,7,78,81,31,0,7,14,3,5,2,0,4,4,5,0,0,26,27,0,3,13,0,0,3,7,9,0,3,13,12,45,16,47,58,11,56,0,1,1,5,55,21,0,5,29,232,71,1,0.08005375504095091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21288847102985609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401895898362336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054439298588078264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939181391495242,0.0559754468671491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06684154161161206,0.048800026040873086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468625808421269,0.06895922152387852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391640936686546,0.0,0.0,0.05162804931949679,0.08253190629863251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363913544457967,0.0,0.0,0.07005558050907146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09283694046236901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271692867491462,0.08928109812512244,0.10574950039920566,0.0,0.06744874131214458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16191033557963908,0.057190418596751925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04182478291200556,0.07679485641247848,0.0,0.0,0.06402630095594658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079127120112685,0.08521871083461853,0.07171244035672801,0.0,0.0,0.08509339812617836,0.0,0.0,0.10731668908643234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115545572825697,0.0,0.0,0.04399545018394569,0.06525449499072944,0.0,0.33906147095455313,0.0,0.0,0.05654433465622408,0.07822044208330119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1445032788634603,0.07574879863856747,0.16030950935229066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08492438330844107,0.0808314718310624,0.0,0.06389814351631389,0.0,0.1176974421164189,0.05935884500541816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513533483480953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17262297555215608,0.07660063207841711,0.09357855568124053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20513794149114,0.0,0.0,0.08594777363249756,0.0,0.0,0.15229890633877818,0.12732391826203338,0.0,0.0,0.06379247817303295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06622129342255317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162929170313336,0.07917521070471653,0.0,0.056662459852401,0.2559799541478517,0.06393103218535444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168810508110736,0.07544971672882063,0.0,0.060190460978054826,0.0,0.0,0.07370274208051743,0.09154844564325916,0.0,0.05318415769875631,0.10259042760257456,0.0,0.1906612182339107,0.2333999416981157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054351244806314064,0.0,0.15640177281889853,0.08333878224493567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210546363248798,0.047217778844426295,0.127085889111851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05828008710543318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577599679045733 ptsd,hecapes,2019/10/31,"I can't stop drinking, he won't stop calling [TW: rape, kidnapping, suicide, pedophilia] Sorry this is so messy lmao, I'm drunk and traumatized and just need to get this off my chest right now It's been a month and a half since I was kidnapped, raped and tortured for two days. I'm not a stranger to trauma. My childhood was violence and sweetness, blood and sugar. This time is different. I have loving people surrounding me, trying to help, always there for me. I should be doing better. I should be able to show them how much their support means by working through this in a healthy way. I haven't been able to work myself up to calling a therapist. I haven't returned his calls or messages, like everyone wants me to. But I'm drunk now and I want to call him. I don't even know what I'd say. I can't do this. Whenever I'm alone I think of killing myself. I know how much it would hurt them, but it's hard not to do it anyway. He made me do and say so many awful things. I can still feel him. I want to hurt him worse than he hurt me. But I'm worried he'll retaliate. Dox me, like he's threatened to do so many times. Come back over here and break in. He knows how easy it would be. He talked about keeping me in a basement forever. I signed a declination form after I went to the police, telling them not to prosecute. I was scared he'd hurt me. I still am. Now it's too late. I hate him. He told me no one would love me like he did. No one would treat me how I deserve to be treated like he did. I kind of believe him. He sent me detailed descriptions of the child pornography he watched. All the horrible things those children went through. That's why he chose me to stalk and kidnap me, you know? Because I look and act so young. He decided he had to have me. He's still convinced I'm the one. I'm sorry to everyone. Things were going so well in my life. I had just started a program at university that would land me a respectable job. Now I've dropped out and am turning into an alcoholic just like my mother. The panic attacks won't stop. The nightmares won't stop. He won't stop.",0.7761111111111099,3.0156047592592614,2.2602777777777803,94.88750000000002,84.74074074074073,5.4518518518518535,22.19444444444445,6.816661863887847,0.4968138888888891,1624,57,362,20,48,525,210,432,0.182,0.669,0.149,-0.9643,2,1,2,0,0,2,60.0,0,1,4,3,27,29,6,2,16,1,43,12,2,5,1,57,78,25,2,11,10,1,2,5,0,12,2,2,0,2,18,15,5,6,8,4,0,6,14,13,1,5,15,8,57,16,38,46,4,45,0,4,2,4,46,13,0,1,28,227,75,4,0.15497067809423046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280826264502149,0.0,0.08025144289723361,0.0,0.0,0.06447400930829242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815075931283467,0.0,0.05958144284269167,0.0,0.047234343490206235,0.0,0.0,0.0872994429471672,0.0,0.06852948560788585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3164847781894801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06674675856828344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0499716334832265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08095568739049952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590613328950828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05117833565898252,0.0,0.0,0.1480811240415477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039178915596160636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04048289156268723,0.0,0.044036703830814664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941164411456564,0.07650073046973473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05193678944243367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317986321593491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07689224282030765,0.06887252958134939,0.08572604724754865,0.08068905685234498,0.17033566369445888,0.0,0.08740683746895334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05473018648269303,0.18927711361382749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506816961826557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13986708743927598,0.07331850132349947,0.0,0.1571159439778199,0.0,0.08440424982783021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061848058374152165,0.0,0.11392127955401665,0.0574543970902699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751821322398465,0.0,0.0,0.09091235022284057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05371857778121829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617205617353672,0.0,0.12323890328809807,0.07757634181285074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409667317117376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734769864902036,0.054844521792399535,0.0,0.1856396755647572,0.3239060650359868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475638453811384,0.08792944450785553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06227978043359431,0.06772560163174507,0.0,0.0,0.08996645081568609,0.1544334487163774,0.04964947654052977,0.0,0.0,0.09036464863792654,0.0,0.0,0.07404056202077385,0.0,0.052607458941753366,0.08428179840803336,0.07569191718891224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13710858163769468,0.061504255489942684,0.0,0.0,0.06966862541848015,0.14365937117813776,0.06991846641650512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282049934446788,0.07869012303020924,0.07896418024672175,0.2752168084804282,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,imreallyscared14,2018/11/25,"My husband has PTSD and refuses treatment. I’m getting scared and don’t know where to start. I’m a bit cloudy right now because I’ve taken anti anxiety meds. I don’t have the energy or see the point in describing this past weekend, but he’s the most distant and unpredictable I’ve seen him in five years. We’ve been to marriage counseling, he was an asshole to the doctor and eventually begged me to stop going. All he does is sleep and drink and go to work- he’s a cop in an extremely fucked up area, in a very understaffed department. I work 50 hours a week, raise our three kids, and do literally everything else. I won’t leave him. But, this is exhausting. I hide his guns regularly. I think he wants this to be his life... it was so much better and could be again. Please give me something. Any idea, something to read? There’s got to be something I haven’t tried. Thanks. 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There has been no anxiety that I can’t handle. I haven’t taken my meds at all and I didn’t go to my psychiatrist appointment (but I go to therapy once a week). December 26th will be three years since I was assaulted - I’ve been doing pretty terrible since then up until the past 2 months. I recently got married, moved to another state, and have been doing very well! However, I’m starting to notice that I’ve been withdrawing from my husband, not wanting to have sex at all, or any form of intimacy (I don’t want to be touched for the most part). I get frustrated easily. This is not something I usually have problems with. Last night in the shower, my husband was hugging me, and I pushed slightly trying to “get away” and he almost fell out of the shower. I felt so bad. I don’t think he knows I did it to get away, I didn’t even really think about it. I just didn’t want to be touched. I didn’t mean to nearly push him over, and didn’t push that hard, but damn. Why am I doing this I feel horrible. I hate doing this to my husband but I don’t want to talk about the assault and why I’ve been acting like this...I have been doing so well that I’m afraid talking about it will bring the anxiety back. 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I also can't walk on the floor without socks on. Is this a PTSD thing?Anyone else here have sensory issues other than being sensitive to sound? ,2.4333333333333336,5.084441222222225,3.915555555555557,83.02000000000002,81.22222222222223,6.266666666666668,22.333333333333336,7.554174236665415,1.3238,185,6,32,3,5,61,37,45,0.20199999999999999,0.7979999999999999,0.0,-0.8347,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,4,0,6,0,0,0,0,1,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,6,5,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20285622192147973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17736882717416727,0.2599102984879125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885811453948004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27693704525698004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21190498941190505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5295217897722956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2976218283580988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2965214142770003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21662896511100085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508816820577243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852409767559234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244524505858968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,EdgyStepmom,2018/11/25,Anyone have trust issues so badly that you destroy your friendships/relationships because of it? Have you found anything outside of therapy that helps you cope?,9.163461538461537,12.000950730769231,7.180000000000002,66.74000000000002,60.92307692307693,8.276923076923078,39.92307692307692,8.841846274778883,4.266676923076924,133,7,16,2,2,39,21,26,0.212,0.615,0.17300000000000001,-0.3298,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,4,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564133727868421,0.0,0.30177251345518513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30618898260129984,0.22354407100891974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4020804913790964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457991471714221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827517784348706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3937111672003904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4193668301834949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,foxydreamweaver,2018/11/25,"Portland's Psychedelic Conference focused on therapeutic use. I wrote on article here: [https://medium.com/@manicesoteric/inaugural-portland-psychedelic-conference-2018-660c28a014a4](https://medium.com/@manicesoteric/inaugural-portland-psychedelic-conference-2018-660c28a014a4) &#x200B; Dennis McKenna was the keynote speaker and focused on the exploration of the world to identify and learn about all sorts of psychedelic substances from plants and animals. The rest of the conference revolved around clinical trials (and legal defenses) involving psilocybin and mdma for ptsd and depression, as well as therapeutic methods of integration after the use of any psychoactive substance. It seemed like too much to try to reformat all the links with a copy and paste to here, so I am sharing this one link to the article where you can find out more about the research being done in this area. ",17.049928571428573,19.810325183333333,12.139047619047625,38.565000000000026,43.0,13.523809523809526,44.64285714285714,12.785403640627713,6.575785714285715,762,33,81,20,7,214,84,120,0.028999999999999998,0.8440000000000001,0.127,0.8617,0,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,1,0,0,9,5,1,0,10,0,5,1,0,2,2,23,9,10,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,10,0,1,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,3,1,3,3,24,5,5,12,0,1,0,0,4,9,0,2,3,64,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2659010182286254,0.2981993226127591,0.16688682995337806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21846642527674145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21137078512368945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25113905439257017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242997758830748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198946529014671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18040417049689747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16629578311195295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2342710725463744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28687049455625985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234115309569589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666168959739706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4239099117140999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206525528414649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981993226127591,0.0 ptsd,hoarderline,2018/11/25,"Feeling like my brain is fried, unable to learn anything even remotely technical I know it is from trauma, but is it a ""thing""? Has anyone else experienced this?",4.029885057471262,6.88813520689655,4.862758620689653,77.4164367816092,76.24137931034483,8.004597701149425,26.90804597701149,8.841846274778883,2.611266666666668,127,5,21,3,3,41,26,29,0.065,0.82,0.115,0.1179,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,4,6,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,1,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,15,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2776019866410624,0.4067885905219793,0.3267093612877469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431998293352747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316549304469082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26222453807999824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074261721082928,0.2836274600356913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21818895708359096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939613824772356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2637589990133875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,andthensheappeared,2018/11/25,"How do you cope in social situations? Hi all. Does anyone find forming new relationships and daily interactions with people difficult? It may sound trivial on the surface, but since PTSD I find it hard to navigate social situations with dignity. This leads to other problems and leads to further isolation. And because the anxiety I experience is so outward and obvious it seems like people look down on me, and view me as incompetent. I consistently feel as though I have to explain that I’m not actually nervous, but that anxiety is a constant with PTSD. How do you all deal with this? How do you accept that people who don’t understand PTSD are misinterpreting your symptoms? Any thoughts?",6.289672131147539,8.763489114754101,7.158163934426232,65.47167213114757,67.68852459016394,10.45377049180328,35.97049180327869,10.577609850970193,4.665905573770493,560,29,85,17,10,186,80,122,0.152,0.757,0.091,-0.7422,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,4,0,2,5,5,0,1,3,0,9,1,0,5,3,30,16,14,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,8,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,5,10,2,14,14,3,11,0,0,2,0,12,7,0,2,3,62,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.1408224685834193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09813346677018804,0.0,0.2207883761707958,0.0,0.0,0.10090256115619274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796799110330683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15594421686875296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877381403313614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262837170987857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115958863031394,0.0,0.0,0.07296577540693197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26378731754125223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927040879063034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050093731012952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211812368531144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393722565245048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001321722606549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808196978292672,0.5060602352998491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549313309775706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313713494070584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11937194758391168,0.3244134293397493,0.0,0.29420490228040996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998985770026405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14178054557178366,0.11456335655298365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15022830620915306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pokefan0208,2018/11/25,"Diagnosed with PTSD at 19. My whole life I've struggled with depression and ptsd. I grew up in a home of nothing but violence, and I was bullied a lot in my school years. I'm 28 almost 29 and wonder... does this ever get better? I have very little trust in people, I have a job in retail that causes me immense anxiety. I do have a college degree but with no job in that field because I couldn't handle it. I have a very supportive wife (I'm a female btw), but there's a lot I feel I can't talk to her about because she has depression too and I don't want to burden her with every little thing... I thought at almost 30 my mind and heart would be more at peace... but it's not. I still have so much hurt in my heart from everything. my ptsd makes me flinch at every little thing and it makes people give me weird looks.... this post is kind of all over the place but I'm just frustrated I can't be.. normal.",1.751210732984294,3.2083034240837733,3.460389397905761,91.51529613874348,77.586387434555,6.4503926701570675,20.31446335078534,7.1686216300943375,0.3300075916230365,698,16,157,8,16,233,108,191,0.162,0.741,0.09699999999999999,-0.8964,2,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,7,11,1,1,8,0,16,4,2,3,2,34,29,12,0,4,7,1,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,9,10,0,0,3,0,1,1,6,7,0,0,2,2,24,4,22,23,6,21,0,3,1,0,6,16,0,5,3,104,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22464737188212114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581099118667859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675757103148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09920669266541672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523116480482434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932265239506824,0.11385184493269017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816215077012996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014656627765264,0.18901887517956945,0.0,0.10081262966043833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05671734734377381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05860504782491398,0.10760525027061987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658478471864213,0.0,0.0,0.11251729246296788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200820516725519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22262607209621488,0.0,0.0,0.11680949293002987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923014074520758,0.0,0.33727633038148386,0.0,0.0,0.09419591944051693,0.0,0.0,0.19072861987039194,0.0,0.0,0.14975087030968146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132613714309999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245905589772758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990438272668414,0.10763170585592492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553137132409348,0.0,0.11719548056176644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107429416019906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3933679040933845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352367978963313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958040993545359,0.0,0.0,0.11726614447523265,0.0,0.0,0.12729103830494592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09015930853615282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904369555346594,0.0,0.0,0.08905174583900709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851066873533511,0.06616173461523231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523562085977874,0.0,0.0,0.12164534960536535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0796835087643875,0.0,0.0,0.07223485309261324 ptsd,jrwilde,2018/11/25,"My miserable life. I've been depressed for a long time.since 18 i wanted to commit suicide. I grew up in middle east and my parents and society could never accept me as a lesbian, so i was always in closet and this led to so much depression and self harm. alongside this problem,I've had another problem and that was my dad.he used to beat me a lot since i was a kid till my teenage years.he is a very strict religious Muslim and wanted me to pray and i didn't like praying and i hated being religious.he used to beat me since i was 8 till i was 19. at 19 i got accepted into college in a different city and i was lucky to live in another city.i then found a job and never got back to live with my parents again. but this horrible physical experience caused me some kind of PTSD which is some kind of urinary urgency, I'm urinating a lot and i'm an anxious person. I've had this since i was a kid. I've been to some doctors and at first they thought i had diabetes or diabetes mellitus,but the tests all came out negative. they said it's psychological. I've seen some psychiatrists but none of them were helpful. When i was 10 i used to wet my bed a lot because of the fear i had from my father,till this day sometimes i wake up sweating with fear. When i was a teen, i used to exercise so much so i wouldn't feel horny, i even took some drugs to kill my sex drive for girls, i blamed myself so much for loving girls, but it never stopped, i just fall for girls and i can't do anything about it. When i see a girl that i think is attractive my heart rate increases and my head becomes hot and i could not breath . I feel very strong feelings and i suppress them. I'm still a virgin because of this. I've liked so many girls but i couldn't tell them because of living in a fear of being arrested,cause in my country being gay is a crime and you could go to jail for that and receive lashes as punishment. There were countless times i wished i was born a straight guy. I'm 31 now, 6 months ago I immigrated to Canada to at least have a normal life. but I'm so damaged emotionally and physically i feel like a wreck. I've brought some savings with myself and I've been applying to jobs but still I'm unemployed.this makes me more depressed since i'm highly educated and i don't know why i don't get any reply. the other problem is that girls are so hot in Toronto and every-time i'm in a public transit I feel like shit being around them. my heart rate increases and i feel my heart is in my mouth. It's very embarrassing to be like this. This only happens to me if a girl,which is my type(looks attractive to me) is standing near me. don't think i'm attracted to all girls.only certain types are my type. The other problem is i'm so horny. I'm so ashamed to say that but i feel like a guy. i feel like a straight guy. i enjoy looking at women's beautiful bodies and i feel so aroused by some certain type of women which are my type. I know this sound perverted but i don't know what to do. even masturbation won't decrease this amount of arousal. I'm so ashamed of writing this,but i feel a little bit relaxed sharing it here. I don't have anyone to talk to. This reminds me of Harry Harlow's experiment called Pit of despair. I'm like those monkeys who never felt a warm touch of their species. yesterday i wanted to jump in front of the train but i thought to myself,this could leave a big mess and i didn't immigrate to just leave a mess. I hope i die somehow unexpectedly or got hit by a bus or a car and get some peace cause it seems I'll never get some in my life. I'm always under stress and so much pressure it's like living life is a torture. Thanks for reading this. I hope your life suck less than mine.",2.244853072300834,4.006333040259744,3.7416999418491934,88.70591878270983,77.03896103896105,6.83078115913937,25.38864120953673,7.705687417285907,1.2667470440007755,2931,107,627,43,67,969,319,770,0.207,0.6990000000000001,0.094,-0.9983,7,0,1,0,0,2,65.0,0,2,7,4,30,55,6,9,35,0,56,28,13,8,10,124,121,61,3,17,16,2,16,9,0,2,10,3,2,15,31,34,0,2,22,3,0,14,19,26,0,1,33,22,91,29,80,75,26,69,2,6,3,7,38,29,2,21,34,392,122,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04878292873330109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09158278064171546,0.0,0.0,0.03742393954636477,0.11541260245404793,0.0,0.06217098154810725,0.0,0.03847995462777122,0.0,0.04528700082782846,0.04899053025784731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04231654172526638,0.0,0.10064177561692186,0.06077899526294324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008116029190092,0.061128623563144587,0.0,0.0,0.05619426403043861,0.06294243911997413,0.0,0.1696003949893811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17575566932011166,0.0,0.0,0.035491364634383904,0.0,0.14219805397249968,0.0,0.05711497384581667,0.057497176300387365,0.0,0.056328024034639386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382014716651786,0.0,0.0,0.06190407659392485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726968019912149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766455288208432,0.0,0.185780351048312,0.27826050150428394,0.15726071596850769,0.052839763043022604,0.0,0.0,0.04681055684958448,0.0,0.06034021898632245,0.0,0.0,0.08625651989470169,0.0,0.03127619819513053,0.0,0.1320433847513291,0.0,0.0,0.16347227367612,0.04866499610671795,0.0,0.0,0.054333131231530274,0.0564791500423688,0.0,0.0,0.1956410835829979,0.036887077799034905,0.05814478379117551,0.0,0.10931924062926372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922239027496057,0.0,0.060885230068543385,0.11461561446504888,0.09073315292638537,0.0,0.0,0.11654279464103436,0.0,0.0,0.1943551640769448,0.24197458954869805,0.05515695240389786,0.19437857574383255,0.04870196878553433,0.0924267618663682,0.0,0.0,0.1403598120377748,0.04966891668973401,0.0,0.036734574362678886,0.05579424634441826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043926360590603744,0.0,0.1618206726671978,0.0,0.21222201331075194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392009691441089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041854642875665565,0.0,0.0,0.12221400174482365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04805219518126574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106344128940555,0.06432996569536625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055047322562903435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05234844323516022,0.043763997180596585,0.0,0.0,0.04385372164187274,0.0500994574037374,0.05741082662304006,0.0,0.056489998563661374,0.2276169739510963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054428480451305564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789793938180361,0.04600957567392462,0.06303946263644596,0.0,0.0,0.06019654630149247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044232982647245365,0.04810076947758987,0.05066646770916757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07052511807114363,0.0,0.08737920448500784,0.06417970499089551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06114305464212212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190121400394809,0.0,0.13622255465124766,0.09737865917550996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049658208333294734,0.0,0.06328457857340636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LovePAKK,2018/11/25,"Tired of being a guinea pig. Can CBD help? I am 47 yo F diagnosed Manic Depressive, PTSD, ADHD & Anxiety. I've tried so many meds for the depression. The psych always wants to try mood stabilizers. Neither one seems to work well. Apparently I am very med sensitive. Every one we try is a lost cause. This last attempt was Prozac which made my anxiety go thru the roof. I think the psych is now attempting Latuda? I'm curious if anyone has had any luck with anything more natural as far as CBD? Can it help on its own? Or with another medication? ",1.4178840970350386,4.0881975,3.5043665768194074,83.42358490566038,88.15094339622641,7.93423180592992,22.66576819407009,8.634040054169528,2.161320215633423,429,16,83,13,14,145,86,106,0.127,0.732,0.141,0.3925,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,4,3,6,0,0,6,0,10,4,0,2,0,11,17,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,3,1,2,4,0,5,2,10,12,3,5,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,4,2,45,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942671477627549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450246850770442,0.1751434350787332,0.0,0.10992486174800373,0.16949998480278747,0.2473175821147489,0.0,0.0,0.11302668141836728,0.0,0.13302093166362905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660550278564984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27845102383189285,0.16406734509569135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361937746464284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186717925149186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2166958891285746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13176311095717494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1764557660746718,0.0,0.0,0.15295340744425706,0.0,0.16388373030973416,0.0,0.0,0.359104657365082,0.16284139626427774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21907110312975805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889555902193588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715649916901338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357626625769213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578836327128812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3292411856574336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337492585859012,0.09534303244417684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14533921803307132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768025459331155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,yoozer_nayme,2018/11/25,"The holidays are awful So I'm 33 years old and I'm struggling financially. I graduated college in 2010. Neither of my parents showed up. I was pre-med, on my way to med school when I hurt my back. Ever since then I've had enormous pain in my back and can't sit in a chair. I took a job in construction and make $13.50 an hour. It's very physically demanding. My body feels wrecked and I've only been at it for 9 years. I have terrible join pain in my hips, knees, elbows, neck and lower back. I don't have health insurance. I have tried finding other jobs but after years of resumes and applications, I have not had a single job offer or interview for a position that pays more than $13.50. So I'm forced to live with my dad. This is the same man that used to hit me so hard when I was a child that I would see stars. He also left my mom and I when I was 12 to do god knows what until I moved in with him a year after graduating. Of course, he demanded rent immediately, and I pay $600 a month plus $720 a month on my student loans. He constantly criticizes me for my lack of maturity, independence, financial management, having to need a place to live or have financial help. I do everything I can to be responsible but the cost of living is just so high. I don't see any way that I can have a future I would want to live at my income level. I haven't dated anyone at all in 8 years. I doubt any woman would be interested in me with my problems. Anyway, I'm so tired of taking crap from my dad constantly about my immaturity but I don't know how I can escape this situation. The only thing I need is money, but money is so difficult to come by in my experience that it seems hopeless. Just had thanksgiving. Dad cooked himself a ham. I'm a vegetarian but I was afraid to go into the kitchen to even eat potatoes. He always reminds me that I cost him money at every turn. He's retired and living off savings and SS. Earlier today he ranted and raved at me for ""doing laundry again."" I shower before work in the morning, and I come home filthy so I need to shower again. This means I do laundry 3-4 times a week so I'll have something clean to wear before I go to work. I just can't take this shit any more. I don't know what to do. I feel like the only way to stop the pain is to jump off a bridge.",2.053027950310557,3.5274822091097318,4.315109213250518,85.63229114906835,76.80538302277432,7.480103519668738,23.048084886128365,8.238735603445708,1.1884534575569354,1789,53,393,32,40,622,235,483,0.14300000000000002,0.8009999999999999,0.055999999999999994,-0.9903,10,0,1,0,1,2,56.0,0,0,0,2,25,16,2,3,23,1,42,16,8,4,2,57,71,35,0,9,11,5,3,1,0,3,5,0,6,3,17,19,3,1,8,3,9,7,9,13,0,0,9,5,57,3,59,56,7,67,0,2,2,0,20,26,2,4,31,250,74,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06612445149263119,0.06880188272936176,0.0,0.0,0.1686891890744943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05781639970265672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1907426955740041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14072042852243094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184618244454287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14245438448293965,0.0,0.17870969914916282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460904393244925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054613725531729086,0.07479477190694495,0.069667034483876,0.0,0.07431339267352817,0.08088337010077902,0.0,0.0,0.08361766811867585,0.05907133012443368,0.0,0.0,0.07557406280227331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939854110287403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740709605259233,0.0,0.0,0.08789199896513482,0.0,0.0,0.05542309117882458,0.08736294241545138,0.08294141086812704,0.0,0.08142965409971213,0.0,0.08851772529932488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24616110259363036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632719390184006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983924281893467,0.0,0.0,0.04039650058658821,0.0,0.3650689540031263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519395370406195,0.0,0.0,0.09006995781426033,0.09184618244454287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684155732561893,0.13199932515286714,0.08788277979800642,0.0,0.183933218980808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676568695647187,0.0,0.0,0.18866067686303775,0.2639531460417009,0.0,0.09181369420119266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638990765228616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07911991792103178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08368326292416448,0.13178104410059266,0.07527478351157497,0.0,0.0,0.08487661609148632,0.06839921757895287,0.09294321315879396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365619145402744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691297077412207,0.0,0.08644199710940029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434007926560105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05493330900347008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048215226764771385,0.09503609356834243,0.07837723721740429,0.0,0.09186786524116716,0.05613877994608755,0.08993928673741414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141468190117113,0.0,0.06822511222115156,0.04877070443439658,0.19689834488227587,0.06632621031006693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203936725611348,0.0,0.0,0.17621458431421813,0.0,0.0,0.2662373266458175 ptsd,BathT1m3,2018/11/25,"Did you tell family after diagnosis? Hello beautiful humans. I’ve been lurking for a while now, but recently got a formal PTSD diagnosis. I’m wondering if you told any family members about your diagnosis? For me, I feel like it may lead to a lot of defensiveness, etc... but also feel like they should know how terrible my childhood was. Any thoughts? Stories of how it went? So appreciated! ",3.5059507042253517,6.455192042253523,5.820545774647889,69.13955105633805,79.28169014084506,9.747183098591547,28.59330985915493,9.827888789773867,3.8153788732394367,309,14,51,11,8,108,55,71,0.087,0.7240000000000001,0.188,0.8776,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,1,1,6,4,1,0,3,0,5,0,0,3,0,15,14,8,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,7,2,7,2,7,5,2,7,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,4,7,35,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18037955871775244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067758930204878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515580593206087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252741563414742,0.0,0.2280989518368261,0.32227898213729395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18040024542913927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12396140168100918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22039359979756445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917623104534024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26366655826978946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271243409461008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19714862585723714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17906875794101107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155314195577562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20909557786792055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446092601318922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anon_caique,2019/05/29,"What makes you happy? I’m really struggling right now, as I can’t move out of the house where most of my trauma happened and I get triggered nearly everyday. My therapist said it’s important that I find things that bring me joy or make me feel safe, but I don’t know what. I know my birds make me happy but they go to bed at around 9 pm and I need something I can find joy in at any time. Thank you in advance :)",1.9829870129870133,3.2269387272727315,3.3924025974025973,93.1318181818182,76.5,6.846753246753247,21.662337662337666,7.447530270364453,0.4986474025974026,320,8,75,4,7,105,63,88,0.042,0.693,0.265,0.9703,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,1,1,3,8,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,4,0,19,17,6,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,6,4,0,1,5,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,1,2,16,6,11,16,1,16,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,2,3,45,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414430100688304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560418590495086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09974113074298913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605861128795029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306077436721926,0.0,0.112108019516242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17443732448719404,0.4199761824308668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276128053347913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21681906510459603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3950199145572521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20965731351057654,0.0,0.14626659377223286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637050111326228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16845988731204,0.18764046254080646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518612192199804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062201142260296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18161150262958609,0.0,0.22903532159449044,0.1310514985345874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150245239970724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anonymous_pickle_,2019/05/29,"Facial tics and stuttering after PTSD I’m wondering if someone can put a name to this, or at least relate? I have some weird tics that seem to come on strong for weeks at s time, then go away, then come back. I know they’re anxiety related, but it seems neurological too. I have a few old surgery scars, and the other day I just became hyper aware of them, as if they were a seam on my clothing! I’ve got a blinking tic, where I’ve got to just blink hard and frequently, and I’ve been clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth (I’m awake and aware of the teeth grinding too, it isn’t something I do in my sleep). Even my speech patterns change when I’m put on the spot. Sometimes I’ll try to say two words at once or begin stuttering if I feel self conscious. ALL of these tics are new as of the last few years (I’m a 27 year old woman, these all seemed to come with the PTSD). I can list other weird sensitivities too, but those are the biggest ones. I have major decision anxiety and the last few days I’ve been fairly isolated and doing a lot of budgeting and planning. I get so embarrassed by the blinking tic because it is very noticeable. I am otherwise functional and feel like I’m on the other side of my PTSD. Is there anything I can do to stop this?",4.577965116279072,4.767014034883721,5.4258817829457415,84.88207848837213,69.50387596899225,8.93062015503876,28.5281007751938,8.841846274778883,1.9174565891472881,983,32,214,16,16,322,142,258,0.09699999999999999,0.8809999999999999,0.022000000000000002,-0.9367,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,2,2,11,7,0,1,15,0,18,6,5,0,2,39,38,23,0,3,9,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,12,14,0,1,9,0,1,6,1,5,0,2,5,5,19,2,27,33,9,37,0,0,0,0,6,12,0,11,20,131,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578211488013524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09992378947133976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140843379269715,0.09336960119276326,0.0,0.07402056083009942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284532986262278,0.3137949299860595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566202920462545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020115932413525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279392877533045,0.08674722540299662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344041466598406,0.0,0.06900956536723647,0.0,0.19423197441191792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877443076063348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673291309026723,0.1979578581311875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059322929321132326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323259840515514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727461844598748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13824504962959594,0.2548336930217744,0.12931542286195502,0.082281842844653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4258237793189617,0.2441346497318988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965633484390742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3316267941834993,0.12667448159497213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151434620943677,0.0,0.10288440932432184,0.0934801701049688,0.1200940650174201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10151811931166407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080485804551401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08244072695796899,0.0,0.11861619632313562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100189705827277,0.0,0.0,0.0974011369605857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13168202582495386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156389567233957 ptsd,silverlinin,2019/05/29,"Which professional should I see? It's so confusing! Australia here The professional titles duties It may or may not be the same in Australia and America. I am wondering whether it's psychologist or social worker. Many who treat trauma are social worker, however only psychologists practice EMDR. I am just needing one to treat childhood trauma, I'm an adult now and want to move on.",4.899201680672267,7.958649676470588,6.072100840336138,68.83088235294122,74.29411764705883,8.591596638655464,30.302521008403357,9.23628265651192,3.532022689075632,310,14,45,8,7,103,50,68,0.11800000000000001,0.7879999999999999,0.094,-0.3986,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,16,12,6,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,1,3,2,4,8,1,5,0,0,1,0,4,2,0,6,2,34,8,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.319642119368908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3350903172241543,0.0,0.2337744316463421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364033990603287,0.2397829100803852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512355206178831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6427718554858515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18595896554171293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3419052343039047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheMusician00,2019/05/29,"Dating someone with PTSD Hi everyone, I'm not sure if this was the right place to ask, but I've started a romantic relationship with someone who has PTSD from combat situations. He struggles a lot with it, and some days are much worse than others for him. He withdraws and does not want to talk about anything, responding with short snippets. He pushes me away, believing he is a burden and will only drag me down. He sometimes asks loaded questions that indicate this. He has a self-sacrifice mentality for sure. He finds it very hard to trust me, which is okay. I do my best not to push him to talk about things he doesn't want to. He won't help me help him. We talk about how we can better communicate and figure these things out, but I'm not a mind reader. When he withdraws, I don't know how to approach him. He's extremely alert all of the time, jumping at slight sounds and disturbances. I remind him it's okay every time he apologizes for this. His nightmares will wake me up sometimes, and I try not to make him feel guilty and be supportive. I just don't know what behavior is a result of PTSD and what is his personality. He's a great person, and I don't want to give up just because of this. I understand that it's something no amount of love and care can just fix, and telling him to get over it isn't helpful either. It seems to me that there's a lot of guilt he carries, and it's hard to see that I can't convince him he's worth helping and fixing. How can I stay his partner without becoming his therapist? This is tricky territory, and I don't know how to handle it. Any advice would be helpful. Thank you!",3.5832515337423314,5.016764343558286,4.4808760736196325,86.1625901840491,72.74233128834356,7.66998773006135,26.536932515337423,8.238735603445708,1.5848278773006137,1280,44,265,20,25,414,166,326,0.156,0.69,0.154,0.8672,0,0,1,0,0,0,37.0,2,1,0,2,14,17,0,3,10,2,26,2,1,6,3,60,48,22,0,5,13,0,3,0,1,4,0,1,0,3,25,21,0,0,9,0,1,4,15,4,0,0,1,5,32,13,38,41,8,21,0,0,1,1,52,10,0,6,6,170,57,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718849874891453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763435801835392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184486360053363,0.0,0.1859582540877188,0.0,0.09344338446319908,0.0,0.0,0.06062823214397916,0.10984274706079264,0.0,0.11205429147413364,0.104374274831734,0.08796187805603481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10140332106667099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414171493805322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870357322048924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379704434310863,0.09503568908916707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028858695592768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09090214817880156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05196232161099145,0.0954084815065396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10965199758570268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818836727330475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333205771963071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397735309385145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16911003836622818,0.08976407439990049,0.0,0.06638850383507011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022954131514736,0.0,0.1004234963851975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311254134793005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756417398942193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1736845138086613,0.10391168471526016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487806989767965,0.0,0.11141491066244366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10677989326654884,0.0,0.08493597003132808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925457196426465,0.09054216845267402,0.10375562939176222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179414499494766,0.0,0.0,0.16853965391666384,0.07656706988469729,0.196731577587008,0.0,0.07039637165158373,0.10600822269563576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10397433906218252,0.0,0.0,0.11286293785407965,0.18747461065701365,0.0,0.0,0.2398199725240335,0.08693004272773402,0.09156689696769443,0.0,0.1154775627685872,0.13214998929064115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598867456187435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752496166029699,0.0,0.0,0.10353853156370343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820626684695841,0.17598743418939336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09587326464362968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10135546082163524,0.07065159509599694,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,extratalllesbian,2019/05/29,"A year afterwards and feelings of guilt tie me down. Trigger warning (car accident) About a year ago I was driving some friends around at night. Normally I’m an excellent driver, never been pulled over and I’m damn good at parallel parking even with big trucks. I still don’t know exactly what happened. I swear the light looked green to me, and I KNOW I was looking. Apparently it wasn’t green, my friends confirmed that. It’s like some signal just didn’t get through to my brain. I don’t understand how or why. The moments right before and through the crash are hazy, but still somehow clear as a bell. Hearing two of my friends screaming is the worst sound I have ever heard. And the gentle “oh my god” right before getting hit is also played out in my head day after day. My friends have all forgiven me, they say it’s not my fault. No one got hurt anyway, the police said they couldn’t believe no one got hurt. I feel so guilty. That’s the biggest emotion that’s been gnawing at me for the past year. I can’t get past it. I almost got people that I love killed. How do you get past that? I’ve been in several car accidents before where someone else was driving and always walked away fine mentally. But this crash, oh god the screams of my friends. I did that, all because something in my brain went wrong and I couldn’t see a red light right in front of my eyes. I don’t know what I’m asking. Or why I’m posting this exactly. Therapy hasn’t helped. It’s just made me feel like I’m sucking down more resources I don’t deserve.",2.5429870129870125,4.570677064935069,3.1818181818181834,91.84272727272727,77.05194805194805,6.218181818181819,26.259740259740266,7.1686216300943375,1.1368623376623388,1208,47,253,14,28,378,164,308,0.154,0.677,0.16899999999999998,0.4904,1,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,2,1,15,23,3,1,14,0,23,5,4,4,7,42,55,16,1,3,7,0,3,2,5,0,0,7,0,0,15,10,0,0,7,1,0,8,14,11,0,3,16,19,33,12,26,36,6,45,0,2,7,1,15,19,2,6,19,148,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414755596046046,0.0,0.09505624091428122,0.0,0.0,0.07591353689861452,0.07898733593051578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450565584002563,0.08874445603161693,0.0,0.08918756916300294,0.0,0.0,0.057866960605448714,0.0,0.2423290901146499,0.10695085509019073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21194110686249398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224408484374666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929979706980747,0.10678073015759727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269875930518287,0.08586741438020193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14399468254516826,0.06781626913837102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3667039939571095,0.0,0.19838293226100648,0.0,0.0,0.07962073505486318,0.2277667289784141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08394412942268077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09742306503924963,0.0,0.10699026130681992,0.0,0.06362794370714503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20324383655388228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502328247588123,0.0,0.1565091162337309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927536234670048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943048763870468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856758307705241,0.08982275425543251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956646551232454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07321398778141648,0.0,0.0,0.0890830862075285,0.09300885556306393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286507452804681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718572971311201,0.0658108188778156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09091436383085903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432028573808512,0.09029784949271846,0.07549020728010902,0.0,0.0,0.07564497646519698,0.0,0.0,0.10724112481104202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08043181508649745,0.07307987483736021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516185469998323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10855793997100413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09273043439314133,0.0988229396647158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08799880085443032,0.17131471902668444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10378838688217552,0.0,0.1833907124873592 ptsd,BlondKillerRabbit,2019/05/29,"Is it normal that it sometimes takes over? Sometimes when something triggers it, I become like 'not myself' and become really impulsive. Last time (in front of my boyfriend) I heard that I might fail school. I went in a frenzy and said: "" fuck it, it's not worth it anyway"". Threw some stuff on the ground and went for a jump to the balcony. Luckely, my boyfriend saw the madness in my eyes. And gripped me before I could enter the balcony. I didn't understand why I did it. Had it a couple of times. I'm diagnosed with PTSD and anxiety. Is this normal? Do others have this too?? &#x200B; I just feel like a bad person, toxic..",2.102771773680864,4.588395132231408,3.0581818181818186,89.71496503496503,81.14876033057851,5.70654799745709,22.530832803560077,7.010146845296331,0.8154610298792115,485,16,94,6,13,154,79,121,0.16399999999999998,0.795,0.040999999999999995,-0.9328,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,2,0,8,0,9,3,1,1,0,18,20,6,0,3,3,0,2,2,0,1,1,2,0,1,14,6,0,0,2,0,1,6,3,4,0,0,9,6,13,3,10,9,1,16,0,1,2,1,3,6,1,3,6,66,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1720611411260167,0.1929609599600734,0.0,0.0,0.12148255908096585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259245153493207,0.0,0.3507671167343852,0.13512820918537544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678991547661572,0.17571061690064585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16117997574953594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08029470822235768,0.11344767973955505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680924204057716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12944425361655099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155164586661318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846308308368316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111831126342749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13865916903999087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185630220514218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173217848260407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510564004858279,0.0,0.0,0.16071539259033416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225299830398124,0.3141170905103537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817894944834227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11939881378665701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851966289926927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16531775269336715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.294420790280534,0.14329347239049542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1929609599600734,0.0 ptsd,MrsRibbeck,2019/05/29,"I think I exaggerated in my first therapy session Had my first therapy session yesterday and my head is still spinning. So I am not really sure, but I feel like the way I told the therapist about my problems, especially my coping strategies, made her feel like the problem is worse than it is. I *do* have problems with disordered eating, self h\*rm and so on... But not all the time or often, more like every few months or so. But I felt like she thinks it is a regular problem and prioritized my case because of this (I have my next session in a month instead of 9 months, which is the regular waiting period). So now I feel guilty and like I lied. Maybe I even did a bit? I don't know, it's all a bit blurry in my head...",2.7695287356321856,4.4184328896551746,4.584568965517242,83.71524425287359,75.27586206896551,8.14367816091954,27.25574712643678,8.841846274778883,2.098574712643678,559,22,116,12,12,190,82,145,0.191,0.7070000000000001,0.10300000000000001,-0.9183,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,10,10,0,0,9,0,12,3,2,1,3,29,22,13,0,4,7,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,1,1,7,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,5,4,22,6,9,17,6,16,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,3,16,83,27,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568411988394354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2710915846083758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229310870821754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12704220532420432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08200362289947481,0.0,0.104606473349294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18833045147653305,0.1773936142437372,0.11920887532855333,0.0,0.0,0.21121343148336214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548389912566973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823268748424298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30328084820329904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174790593846058,0.0,0.0,0.12473101832677168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.297299518869085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320409213807693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4752006826023446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953727598196922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952139978074514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915084676733607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701521227326532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839655671269453,0.1441542561183074,0.0,0.15910782947359606,0.0,0.0,0.07239614648398075,0.0,0.0,0.11863602536185767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09854896039443588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12652519422799585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Bscatay6,2019/05/29,"10+ years of repeated traumatic accidents/deaths and experiences. PTSD, disassociation, isolation, anxiety, detachment, over emotional. 0-100 and 100-0 in seconds. I need any and all advice. I’ll start by explaining myself and personality first. I was raised to be very independent, having a single mom who was rarely home because she supported us and made sure we had what we needed by overworking herself, and a younger brother that I mostly raised. She was not emotionally available ever, working nights and commuting. Graduated high school, went to tech school, always worked I was stable. Was. Warning: this post will get a bit graphic) I don’t know if reddit flags these type of things I haven’t posted on here before so my apologies in advance. These stories are going to be less detail due to privacy. My dad died when I was 14 in a very very traumatic accident, a drunk driver of a boat slammed into reverse instead of drive when my dad was waiting to water ski and he fell off the back into the propellers. I was not aloud to mourn over this death. My mom instead decided she would keep my brother at home with her and send me away for two weeks the same day as my dads funeral. So we went to the funeral and I was dropped off at a troubled kids camp for two weeks. Life goes on. My brother became addicted to drugs and I was blamed due to I was the one raising him “it must have been my fault” I also was not allowed to eat in front of my mother as she didn’t want a fat daughter. The food was separated from my food in the house and my mom my brother and my stepdad were allowed to eat the other food....I was 5’4 and 140lbs. Fat......? Life went on. A few years later I moved out because I couldn’t handle the blame from my mom and her enabling him giving him money for drugs daily. At this point he had two duis. I moved out and didn’t speak to anyone until one day my brother was on the news. I will not disclose the crime but he is now a two striker under 25 years old and does not remember the crimes he commuted due to being inebriated. He ran from the cops for a week and my mother advised me to find him and take the iPhone she bought him because it was worth 1000$ to her and to tell him that he should overdose because it is better than going to prison. So I was the only one there for him, to go find him and take him to turn himself in. I was the only one that visited for two years. He went to rehab he’s fine now. A year later after his accident the same month, I was in an accident that involved the death of two teenagers that were driving the other car. Only I survived. I had a severe head injury and was taken to jail on suspicion of a dui. Only to have the courts formally write me a letter stating they wrongfully accused me and traumatized me after taking me to jail after such a horrific thing happened. I was not at fault for the accident nor guilty of a dui. But they put me on the news for at fault and dui and murderer. Everyone in my town and my job and my family saw this. I’ve also been in 8 other accidents in which I was at fault for none of them. I forgot to mention a year before this my friend had cardiac arrest in his sleep on my couch and I woke up to find him. I was the only one home. There are many other events that have happened to me but I cannot discuss them because it overwhelms me. I need help because I am at a point where it’s been 3 years since any “really bad” event. Small things have happened but I’ve made it through. But I’ve found myself at a point where waking up is hard, conversations are hard, grocery shopping takes everything out of me, I think about this shit all the time. I can barely work. I just want to be by myself all the time. And one good day ends with five consecutive bad severe depressive days. I sleep for 12 hours. I don’t want up to alarms. I go to yoga I take baths I take every vitamin in the book for anxiety and seratonin, I take cbd, I take my dog on walks and make sure to spend time away from my phone and admire the world. But my happiness is gone, my excitement, my reactions. I don’t want to see my family, I don’t want to go anywhere. I just want anyone to tell me they can relate to me. Because it seems I’m surrounded by people who have no idea what the fuck I’m talking about or think that I am crazy. And I am a good person I am a hiker I’m a snowboarder I was a gymnast I wakeboard I paddle board I used to LOVE working and driving to the beach and enjoying my life and it feels like everything has been taken from me no matter how much I eat healthy and meditate and workout and SELF LOVE. I feel like I am lying to myself",2.450239231966787,4.2743697893617005,3.9822210690192,86.9296341463415,76.63829787234044,7.096004151530877,24.229372080954853,7.9748835959250775,1.3063850544888431,3622,120,749,59,82,1203,391,940,0.149,0.752,0.099,-0.9945,3,1,2,0,1,0,91.0,4,0,5,9,24,31,3,2,54,0,73,25,7,8,7,116,136,59,7,14,16,15,4,2,1,5,10,1,5,4,35,49,9,3,14,8,5,24,19,15,0,15,51,7,128,16,122,75,12,123,0,3,2,3,81,53,2,4,44,516,163,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052820169077010114,0.0,0.04734703598109675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749458864593188,0.04031620285554808,0.0,0.0,0.06589846378688195,0.0,0.07413176814454332,0.0,0.0,0.06775796261153799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09104507927022502,0.03725683514710867,0.08091130899171403,0.20675254665113652,0.0,0.08245869323876577,0.0,0.0,0.04285213023038325,0.05289737282822048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249909248174358,0.0,0.04173190308956524,0.0,0.050285847525542784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04240094247152024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237859263095076,0.14873642594981848,0.0,0.10900465314805108,0.04291436472229231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04382788780063394,0.040823160401652334,0.046298258011145316,0.08709162293407359,0.0473956558638149,0.09135305031707228,0.0,0.048997886924710084,0.06922867903518512,0.0,0.0,0.13285359901586427,0.04121350962496094,0.1757661745627083,0.05312545637848199,0.03743413405237496,0.04479337929148637,0.025314331866911483,0.046479870200098014,0.1376828200836325,0.08127899664329775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853865156235866,0.05157838432482745,0.08680750444039831,0.0,0.04972604793744175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032476561660913096,0.05119252509896507,0.14580485066832655,0.0,0.04771576478589716,0.05590745971763545,0.0,0.054696759678815536,0.0,0.0,0.04808144076690562,0.04306663884510888,0.0,0.0,0.026628122109652076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266989710570552,0.04734270190568854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746020187845327,0.09169349336687813,0.032342292763786015,0.04912303684235142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269870366975092,0.0386741711022056,0.10299427391494456,0.0356180224042048,0.10778032045247476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045469210123764515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05084254816104437,0.0,0.19699523283608966,0.18425082322224687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03359073062423289,0.08461337535322128,0.0,0.0,0.1374092806642695,0.0,0.09280783790232797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05663815683455,0.048707953566066234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031039790094829087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054887021338559515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09807264771912956,0.038610217451273986,0.0441091627375627,0.050546325761698964,0.10947463644406237,0.04973559932214637,0.04008025102919178,0.0,0.0969746021595852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03429479397698198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054983106522870105,0.09133145640259073,0.0,0.29144085364440736,0.038944130955988816,0.08469890807762416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965686842330521,0.062092566891828925,0.0,0.0,0.08475879376532901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0527021991978348,0.2839851953355454,0.0,0.05828216243438367,0.041847238595454084,0.0,0.119934688777491,0.17147056464598734,0.0,0.11659656001067145,0.0,0.0,0.17966310495207122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410954332337693,0.0,0.0,0.034419130434087584,0.052974994159479184,0.0,0.218411890781984 ptsd,logintolifenow,2019/05/29,"Stress is the keyword I always thought about my problem as an anxiety disorder or an obsessive disorder, but something didn't fit. Reading through the book 'Principles' by Ray Dalio, in the chapter where he talks about the mind I found d this (page 220): 'That damned amygdala, which is a little almond-shaped structure that lies deeply embedded in the cerebrum, is one of the most powerful parts of your brain. It controls your behavior, even though you’re not conscious of it. How does it work? When something upsets us—and that something could be a sound, a sight, or just a gut feeling—the amygdala sends notice to our bodies to prepare to fight or flee: the heartbeat speeds up, the blood pressure rises, and breathing quickens. During an argument, you’ll often notice a physical response similar to how you react to fear (for instance, rapid heartbeats and tensing muscles). Recognizing that, your conscious mind (which resides in the prefrontal cortex) can refuse to obey its instructions. Typically, these amygdala hijackings come on fast and dissipate quickly, except in rare cases, such as when a person develops post-traumatic stress disorder from a particularly horrible event or series of events. Knowing how these hijackings work, you know that if you allow yourself to react spontaneously, you will be prone to overreact. You can also comfort yourself with the knowledge that whatever psychological pain you are experiencing will go away before very long.' This is exactly how I feel a lot, 'hijacked'. I can not related it with another feeling but with stress. The 'fight or flight' feeling. Sometimes I feel a lot of fear, and sometimes I am confrontational to an irrational level. I was badly hurt physically when I was very young, which led to some physical growth problems. Since then I really didn't understand why I could be so stressed all the time. I'm glad this group exists, and I'm glad there is a way out. Just needed to share this is my first post here.",9.798105330764287,9.646110300578032,8.719961464354531,66.78166987797047,58.710982658959544,11.850738599871548,41.765574823378294,11.20814326018867,4.951209890815671,1588,78,246,36,18,493,208,346,0.24,0.691,0.069,-0.9967,1,0,3,0,2,0,49.0,1,10,0,5,21,22,4,9,26,0,23,6,5,10,2,60,37,26,0,6,13,0,4,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,20,10,0,2,12,2,0,7,4,18,0,2,6,7,23,4,36,23,7,34,0,1,1,0,20,12,1,11,13,170,43,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07687352706623714,0.07998619685780031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079858981215148,0.07353765707390107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031542057091443,0.0,0.08026286493574054,0.0,0.0,0.08179784804715612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106776537766335,0.0,0.10731063971239853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280576045665781,0.0,0.0,0.1078157262050991,0.15350077237892412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33051304926216063,0.0,0.08412226081000004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06349163755739101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21634145090214976,0.19442082098943347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176642790181135,0.0,0.1053993905942702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463175781015312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290701242939908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105658869941075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634550997777737,0.0,0.08507025524551112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163449176477811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412375447087502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127769414857052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21888473082319693,0.0,0.0,0.06513882077855168,0.0,0.1022869697891626,0.0,0.0,0.1040972566606381,0.0,0.0,0.08393526198455402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18412810400324855,0.0,0.0,0.18396302772987666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615401384756976,0.0,0.061582058455391886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951807516242354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22201209293449067,0.1901461004588041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44045719799444305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726404533340146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444527217268904,0.07631489459310338,0.056053009984051966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10007263839157646,0.11563014836684653,0.0,0.0,0.15863133508227958,0.0,0.07630193220476943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674056846759164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399646581153639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mock7360,2019/05/29,"new to the community In November of 2016, while serving in the USAF as security forces I had a day that changed my life forever. November 4th 2016, I responded to a report of of a 3m old in respiratory arrest. I cant tell you how long my response time was or how fast I was going all I know is I got there....and I got there quick. assisted the medics with CPR and escorted them off the base. It turned out to be a homicide, which was unheard of where I was stationed. I returned to the squadron....and attempted to choke out a radio transmission to have someone meet me outside, I broke down and cried for i dont know how long, afterall a 3m should never die, they are supposed to grow up and prosper, not be murdered. I had been a first responder in some form since I was 16. That day changed me in ways I never imagined.....3 years later I remember every moment from that response. Being a military member at the time led to a feeling that I wasnt suffering from PTSD.... that I couldnt be dealing with it. After a year of flashbacks, crippling depression, alcoholism, loss of sleep and fear of encountering another incident I started to accept the facts. But like many others.....refused to get help as I was ""better than that."" 2 years later, a freind committed suicide for unrelated reasons. In another sleepless night, I accepted fate, realized if he was capable of doing that why cant I. I laid there deep in misery and self hatred, made a plan to end my own life. Luckily by some power at be....I fell asleep, woke up in the morning realized what had happened, snapped to reality and got the help I needed from the va (as good as that can be I suppose) I've since moved on from that deep dark time in my life. I dont deny I struggle daily with it, I dont deny that I still think about that fateful day frequently. I accept it's part of me now, it will forever be a part of me. I do my best in the civillian sector within the fire service, to open closed eyes to the realities of PTSD within emergency services so maybe just maybe I can change one persons life, maybe they will do the right thing and not follow my poor examples, I've been told I'm a heroic figure, I've been told people idolize me for how I've dealt with everything. How I continue to be a first responder after seeing the worst of the worst. I fail to accept that as I failed to do what i should have done. I do the job to protect others, I'm a shell of who I once was because I failed to do the right thing to save myself, I just portray a hero so others may just listen to me. I just needed to get all this off my chest to a group of strangers..... just know in all the darkness there is always a light, sometimes you just have to dig deep to find it. #22ADAY",3.9734839816933634,4.808338365942028,5.3810602593440136,82.35600686498857,71.13768115942028,8.564149504195267,29.01906941266209,8.841846274778883,2.194597101449275,2126,80,434,38,38,716,262,552,0.105,0.769,0.127,0.7433,2,0,1,0,0,1,83.0,0,2,3,12,21,23,1,2,38,0,48,10,4,8,7,64,73,23,3,6,11,0,2,1,0,5,6,1,0,2,27,15,1,2,15,1,1,6,11,12,0,3,23,6,59,11,83,37,12,71,0,7,2,0,21,31,0,5,34,305,86,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09085562450740373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073963627654065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829215191156933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182460830504956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08921843370647213,0.07518922645154583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26980511139637936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338544209203242,0.1644837298629133,0.08764716053662086,0.07322365293827361,0.0,0.08823257925752195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700028694753989,0.29891230199410673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529842436726414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.071629154382885,0.0,0.07640637377438653,0.0,0.0,0.0956659783160118,0.04298634858783674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770254973403178,0.14462813826963564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08883409160654776,0.0,0.04831621990365216,0.07130689713103547,0.20398378264085368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517885130516411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396808214489305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436468195404159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14016674731347215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401956091559515,0.041534237799582666,0.0,0.0,0.15047193516947588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08044364188932708,0.0,0.08619228778755993,0.2562282356531548,0.0,0.0,0.08564408720750871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035793253415172,0.0,0.1260757069789017,0.1311382591905242,0.0821084182142001,0.0,0.0797812084997501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920937760858197,0.0905386430806062,0.05760864587110505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841268209476349,0.0,0.058938984783248036,0.07423218176155186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875694287009826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741000660148394,0.0,0.0,0.0963058931840381,0.14520540092377196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774627930232778,0.0,0.08868961971219133,0.0,0.0,0.1406512607269163,0.0,0.08507681278182756,0.0,0.07203328580781583,0.0,0.08408241993159989,0.0,0.06017434877989136,0.0,0.06789342076925321,0.0,0.0,0.08887657127916329,0.0,0.09299306617759304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430722049766103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296092909718945,0.054474445586339376,0.0,0.0,0.14871951765101776,0.0,0.0,0.1624717458477194,0.0,0.0,0.09247235945275986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06748127981329666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07671318933598499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642414210458195 ptsd,Party_End,2019/05/29,"Trust issues I haven't been able to get proper diagnosis for my disorders because I'm afraid of trusting the world again. It took me so long to accept this and now I'm just wondering what I should do next. I'm 17, female, and I certain have PTSD and schizophrenia. For the past 2-3 years I've been struggling to talk about my issues, and I thought the first thing I should do was get psychiatric help for my schizophrenia. But that didn't go as planned and I road a rollercoaster of emotions. My anxiety was to strong. I've went through a lot of interpersonal growth since then, and I think I'm ready to talk about everything now. I've been through plenty of traumas, but the two that affect me to this day...how do I say this?..Were hallucinations. So that's why I thought getting help for my schizo was the right direction. Apparently not. How can I handle my distrust and detachment from people, the constant thought that everyone is against me gives me overwhelming anxiety and I have a very hard time handling it.",4.23188775510204,6.173289790816328,4.419132653061227,85.19818877551022,72.01020408163265,7.961224489795918,29.5969387755102,8.660442795831766,2.2345775510204087,813,34,160,15,16,253,112,196,0.071,0.8290000000000001,0.1,0.5334,1,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,3,9,10,1,3,9,0,17,0,0,2,1,24,33,15,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,10,8,0,0,6,0,0,4,3,5,0,2,12,2,21,5,21,19,1,18,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,2,11,100,31,0,0.14891773753199794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22784332321241274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09077887059503864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092717027660994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09603962105109196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067262883940132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675124109440014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14229727994126534,0.13383766022261218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666935147005598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334101145225499,0.1428554633719665,0.08463338205004259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13340104240406195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199632840833028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3108628558810993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13178751154790644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660453510101544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583757033001778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14215883086752373,0.10324080871287752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17407686605623718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717493417963222,0.0,0.11842536200576595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318629135990693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15568115277575134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393888730491591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893432772756668,0.09542047317580872,0.0,0.35467214798311897,0.08683513031963018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545308579221815,0.0,0.0,0.1454709909751864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287272939103387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380482346351317,0.13437509545027365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16149493394807032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589814051079523 ptsd,TugMyJohnston,2018/11/11,"PTSD Medication Coverage Hello reddit, I am doing some research on PTSD medications that are prescribed and I just have a few questions. What were you prescribed and what additional treatments did you undergo while on the medication? What medications did you find to be the most helpful? Were these medications covered or did you pay out of pocket? (Really curious for people who live in ON, Canada) What were some side effects of these medications? If you live in ON, Canada can you explain your treatment process? Thanks for taking your time to read this and respond!",6.8031632653061225,9.383208448979593,6.767091836734696,68.36451530612247,66.55102040816327,9.389795918367346,34.69897959183673,9.827888789773867,3.9877918367346936,460,22,68,11,8,146,64,98,0.013999999999999999,0.893,0.094,0.846,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,8,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,12,6,0,1,0,15,15,6,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,10,1,13,8,4,10,0,0,0,0,14,8,0,6,2,58,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276044383818058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093580153838769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465629985678152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8438769913917079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09679059538977018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264020055485452,0.0,0.15639935235057092,0.0,0.13965153168038755,0.0,0.08944014340326988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10497216501743352,0.0,0.0,0.12853758350071778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814099004954514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CrystalSplice,2018/11/11,"Support Groups? Hi there! I have Complex PTSD, and I feel that I would benefit from the community of an in-person support group, but I have a couple of concerns. First off, I'm having difficulty *finding* such a group even though I live in a major metro area (Atlanta). To be clear, there are trauma support groups, but they tend to be tightly focused on specific issues that I do not have: there are multiple support groups for women who have suffered from abuse, as well as support groups focused on veterans. I am not a veteran, and I feel it would be inappropriate and disrespectful for me to attend a group that is focused on Combat PSTD, something that I do not have. I'm also concerned that ultimately, it may be counterproductive; I have issues with emotional boundaries and taking on other people's pain whether I want to take it on or not. I simply have very few people to talk to about things that share a common understanding with me, and it's getting lonely. At this point, I'd settle for a chat room but it looks like #pstd on snoonet is pretty much dead.",6.7127062706270575,7.067050386138615,7.039356435643565,74.575899339934,64.94059405940594,9.307590759075909,33.16996699669967,9.075114841892004,2.859285808580857,846,33,151,13,12,275,114,202,0.14400000000000002,0.6559999999999999,0.2,0.7871,0,2,1,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,1,1,9,13,0,0,9,0,22,1,0,0,1,27,38,14,1,3,9,0,3,1,0,3,1,0,1,1,15,7,0,1,5,1,0,1,4,4,1,1,0,4,15,9,27,31,3,15,0,2,1,0,14,12,0,2,3,113,30,0,0.0,0.14857290599552336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027856280054342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387474959836731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410528160385572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08282240202953428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680724594907306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460901726579174,0.10666116396952836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655138600571987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2617601942251038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126180149026721,0.0,0.1107263325567572,0.0,0.10530045641498023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217996143731293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342942252203213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17386660148921776,0.10949032471016763,0.0,0.0,0.118539074114588,0.0,0.0,0.12757208359729566,0.0,0.0,0.14658037590186246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965354153913467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7114854077894429,0.0,0.0,0.18856329490535906,0.10078797887748307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08330705438607693,0.0,0.12320022923656128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054091228205408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034642412301186,0.07396138700668675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274541911058912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815442306788395,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,witchywoman730,2018/11/11,"Messiness Does anyone else find it very difficult to clean or even see mess? I think I've been in denial for some time about how awful my car and house have gotten. It's not exactly hoarding either, because once I get into it I have no trouble throwing things out. It's just getting to the point where I can see how bad my mess is and cleaning it that I find extremely difficult and embarrassing. I worry it will impact my ability to stay independent if it gets worse/doesn't improve.",5.844609929078015,6.580669489361704,6.462553191489363,76.63333333333334,66.87234042553192,9.245390070921985,32.687943262411345,9.2995712137729,2.957977304964539,388,16,70,7,6,127,69,94,0.28300000000000003,0.667,0.049,-0.9716,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,1,1,6,0,0,3,1,18,13,7,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,9,5,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,7,0,0,2,2,9,0,8,10,2,9,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,3,1,47,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540247634989515,0.22772154869243386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855695965079504,0.13548163198571514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19449260885898187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856614864638655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679413166458724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062652315846675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.348349599749438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564468396537389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2366891622244549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100982346149536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3542091983334929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.236889094516277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476531277827209,0.14240892562298815,0.0,0.0,0.12959585300281015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337965426666405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22570582126329264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheBookyWookie,2018/11/11,"Ecstasy during therapy? Just heard on the radio that they're attempting to use ecstasy in a controlled environment during therapy to help people with ptsd. They said it helps patients calm down and speak about their experiences without being overwhelmed or cutting off emotion. It's in the second stage of clinical trials and is apparently doing great. They're also recruiting volunteers I think? What do you think? Seems kind of odd, but the more I think of it, the more sense it makes. ",5.632906976744188,8.521553627906982,5.890872093023257,71.9749127906977,70.86046511627906,9.41627906976744,30.51744186046513,9.827888789773867,3.6798418604651166,396,17,60,11,8,126,65,86,0.047,0.8029999999999999,0.15,0.8469,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,2,2,3,5,1,1,5,0,4,1,0,3,0,14,12,5,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,3,5,3,13,9,2,6,0,1,0,0,8,5,0,2,0,42,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731588538160627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346618449355612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353481755417833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20466064179856516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306695481415498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28047608295711657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21787398534264632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13965825081718264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14504916880550728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445709699925603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19901937458278207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1904691345765104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4785304066575066,0.0,0.0,0.4021857391587695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18070185025083765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016839010791065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,UnexceptionalSalesmn,2018/11/11,"I wake up not sure if the world I'm in is real... Like the title. I've been robbed a lot this year. (Due to being a delivery driver and maybe just bad luck) Because of this, if I hear any sort of noise at all, I wake up KNOWING that someone is in my house and they have a weapon, and they are currently robbing me. I recently described it to my friends as feeling like I'm in my childhood pool that had that dark spot in it. Knowing it's crazy to think there's a shark in it. Getting out anyways in a panic to just double check on the shark. Then slowly sliding back into the pool. The problem is, is that if someone is robbing me in my home.... I have to go find and fight that shark. I swear I'll spend an hour sitting in silence just trying to hear something down stairs again. Even though the noise I heard was most likely in a dream and I know it. I also have pets that make noises because they can't help themselves. I guess I was just venting. Thanks for listening to me ramble reddit.",2.267655667144908,3.802228482926832,3.3305021520803457,92.6626111908178,76.36585365853658,5.604017216642755,24.25394548063128,5.900188976854957,0.4366499282639875,769,25,167,4,17,247,119,205,0.109,0.818,0.073,-0.7473,1,0,1,0,1,0,26.0,0,0,3,0,11,12,2,1,13,0,15,2,2,1,2,31,31,12,0,4,8,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,2,0,13,7,0,0,6,3,2,2,2,5,0,0,5,5,21,7,27,25,4,30,0,0,0,0,10,18,0,8,12,114,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13288315003816425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299879906048715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12777164706094055,0.13874194057154488,0.2025868987939809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975129048570803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401868664040002,0.11870925575471572,0.0,0.0,0.15187301065880682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837969047253278,0.0,0.08681504653069133,0.0,0.09443615178057392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18305094070316874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3745630496664691,0.0,0.11137778498647093,0.0,0.1666783723112557,0.0,0.16364035843070387,0.191733629088724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739619997234895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24354141897400516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412686673189906,0.0,0.0,0.11091731221503867,0.0,0.16693640769677953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19496037980856384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589987317366154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18913365624534206,0.0,0.0,0.16406919944552564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28158437582101337,0.12792295510816112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566097947793497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529836268755147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10647267153375352,0.1632575706030111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281602720540915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700566529879928 ptsd,providethemeaning,2018/11/11,"Forcing myself to throw up Hello. I’m 18, and have had PTSD for a couple years after a traumatic assault when I was 14. For some reason I’ve gotten into the habit over the past few months where when I feel any symptom come on I freak out and force myself to throw up to “get rid of” the sick feelings. It’s nothing eating disorder related, but it’s also concerning. It works most of the time, but can’t be healthy. Has anyone else experienced some similar? I find that I can’t help myself from doing it in the moment, and don’t know how to stop. ",4.568928571428573,4.8194216071428615,5.821428571428572,81.82357142857144,69.53571428571428,8.542857142857143,26.714285714285715,8.418075326091056,1.6863607142857142,428,12,87,6,7,144,80,112,0.106,0.815,0.079,-0.2313,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,1,0,7,0,9,3,0,2,0,18,16,9,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,6,1,1,5,0,0,3,3,2,0,0,3,3,8,0,17,12,4,20,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,3,9,60,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590440144998974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808606356693303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16254687847072033,0.23819071465200786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002504102750767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25722117941432865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664282184838942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378725768526141,0.19419700242734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235085391127647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21247134143662755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12145482145408165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558182542089712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277582135482946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18555356589295088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22305910672719054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22191680240319686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27174239723151045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23901559757269636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19435347515096607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416230360466836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555383326664305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16923931413130894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14970162999159767 ptsd,oKayLJ,2018/11/11,"Is this PTSD? When I was young I was constantly sick. I vomitted a lot. I now have an intense fear of vomitting, and am constantly afraid of it. I can remember countless different situations from my childhood and sometimes the memories will randomly pop into my head. At night if I'm not feeling well, I'll be reminded of all those memories and it's stressful. Whenever I am put in similar situations I'll panic and worry it'll turn out the same way. Everyone thinks my fears and worries are stupid... But I wanted to ask, is this a minor case of PTSD? Or something else?",2.5071515151515165,5.132335018181821,4.612272727272729,78.32174242424244,80.63636363636363,9.121212121212123,30.07575757575757,9.516144504307137,3.5705757575757584,452,23,82,15,12,155,78,110,0.225,0.764,0.012,-0.972,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,3,7,1,5,5,0,12,4,1,0,1,19,18,9,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,2,1,10,1,10,13,3,13,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,7,57,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14635260148090534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3383486766709192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635608535576837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1307769760168391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958970657112303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35232330521134725,0.0791561048140084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16066489840963016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13309274263114165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469110522213881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18367704704497256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36599585494426207,0.157375434727452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.177340007363162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3519362779697053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12051941356805622,0.1548314072669211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17932686403184894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031056524157486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17028084537779256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09233692062742144,0.1242616652347198,0.0,0.0,0.14075675479934724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179671275545388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sitm273,2018/11/11,"POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING: A Beautiful song about PTSD. Thank you all for your service. My hats off to all of you. My freind TN Jet wrote this and I always share it this time of year. Hope its okay. Delete if not allowed. I'm not associated with him in any way. This is just for y'all to enjoy. It's a beautiful song about PTSD. https://youtu.be/Qx-ysLwxoSA",0.9359803921568606,3.3619992647058865,1.7170588235294133,92.8450980392157,100.47058823529413,5.207843137254902,18.901960784313726,6.816661863887847,0.4708490196078428,282,9,57,5,12,87,51,68,0.04,0.696,0.264,0.9466,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,4,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,12,5,2,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,8,5,11,4,2,5,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,2,35,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24963268758201,0.0,0.0,0.2040173609799824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2979780221946796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3382166505735547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7013922100232914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762092702558875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493847787583056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381342925684982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19319686249481624 ptsd,Typicaldrone,2018/11/11,"What has helped you cope with nightmares? I’m curious to know what everyone here does to help minimize and/or cope with trauma nightmares. I’ve found gabapentin to help reduce the severity of my nightmares (they’re still nightly, but I only wake up screaming every 2-3 weeks), and keeping a dream journal has helped me understand my nightmares better. I’ve accepted that there’s not a lot I can do to get rid of my nightmares, but sometimes reading or stretching after I wake up can help me calm down from them. Does anyone else do things in the morning/night to minimize the impact of nightmares? ",10.122432432432433,8.398761603603603,8.695027027027027,72.2641621621622,59.0900900900901,11.402522522522526,42.019819819819816,9.888512548439397,4.212065225225225,482,22,82,7,5,147,74,111,0.046,0.77,0.184,0.9314,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,1,3,5,0,0,5,0,6,2,2,0,0,13,12,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,10,3,16,11,1,9,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,4,50,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12286150952813348,0.18003711318887008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540247090323614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30753249340348066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14678434362158108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804444872142775,0.16789979062338864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926585013322068,0.0,0.0,0.09180196410850383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5888783009635301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15618038249314256,0.0,0.0,0.09656640052911594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938356477513798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32978652707638106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13363645186717454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757589688185172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19850388899194532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378308613554702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032336603987136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673485900630386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292178378049453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14094510142250907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,xSlumberWolfx,2018/11/11,"Sad realization Well, today was rough. I've been trying to put off thinking about it but as winter nears and my child will want to do all of the fun activities that include a lot of walking and carrying going up and down hills. The more I'm beginning to realize how crippled I really am. Ever since that man tried to kill me I've been relearning my balance and how to manage getting around. (I'm missing a chunk of bone from my pelvic/hip area). I'm not sure I can actually cope with the potential of never being able to show my child all of the wonders that nature has to offer. I've spent most of my day crying not knowing how to approach this or what to do about it. Feeling like a terrible mom for not being able to give my child those experiences =(",4.629019607843142,5.246765267973856,5.956084967320262,79.61138235294119,69.52287581699346,8.995816993464052,29.02549019607843,9.120678840339163,2.311199215686276,598,21,119,11,10,202,100,153,0.135,0.79,0.076,-0.9134,0,0,0,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,0,8,8,1,0,7,0,11,1,1,3,5,27,25,10,1,1,5,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,4,8,6,0,0,5,1,1,4,4,4,1,0,4,2,9,4,27,18,5,16,0,2,0,0,7,6,0,4,7,82,17,1,0.40524215084465376,0.0,0.1977289411706718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803757152884752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225697369987077,0.13067383122405885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832823629949847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19820229169910966,0.0,0.0,0.1024513038156499,0.14475253676731553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10586114903168273,0.1943725985775412,0.11515422656702386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241701991449206,0.0,0.11135524405320388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899042266550036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1722611925258365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23730735464821465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15627386455877576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20369014511599354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980424932470294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16761024741776814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19096796566361254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12983140365018853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920610876398764,0.0,0.0,0.2751328196301109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11951116001513185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18218068061758394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197339130591117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,brainworks17,2019/05/24,"Fight OR FIGHT! I ended up with ptsd about 2.5-3 years ago... and just when I think I can handle it, I can’t. Right now I’m in this hyper state, because I don’t know where my dad is and I don’t know if he’s alive and I don’t know when the news is coming. I’ve been dealing with this for 3 years or more now, but now I found something in life that I want to keep and actually try and somehow that triggers that change feeling in me and that’s where I believe my ptsd stems from. I had one good week and now can’t get back on track and finding a familiar soul seems impossible, that would definitely help. So now I’m in the heightened anxiety state in which those ptsd feelings don’t go away and on top of that reality.. some fuck twat has me playing a part in his deluded reality, Im not doing it by choice, not at all. So in his reality, he gets to play with my brain .. well my brain has clearly had enough and anyone with any sort of compassion or moral compass would know when enough is enough. However sadly I’m dealing with a rich sociopath, who can get in places he shouldn’t be and take what’s in fact mine and give me back, GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT!!!! Sooooo trusting the blue place, a mistake. A huge mistake and now I’m stuck 2 weeks like this.. I will talk to my doctor about it, but nothing will change, unless it’s my dose, even then though, how do I get past the sociopath? Fuck I wish someone who has my best interest at heart, just take over. Take over this shit show I am forced to call a life. Ugh",2.5877944269190323,3.6979046813880174,3.6319124605678255,92.54904639852785,74.74132492113566,6.797528916929548,23.618427970557303,7.1686216300943375,0.5896793901156685,1172,33,274,12,24,378,169,317,0.133,0.684,0.183,0.9407,1,0,1,0,2,0,41.0,0,0,0,2,24,18,5,0,10,0,26,10,4,2,3,58,56,28,0,8,11,1,2,1,0,5,4,0,0,0,20,19,0,1,11,3,1,2,9,9,1,1,5,3,28,9,34,45,8,47,2,1,1,2,16,24,3,8,20,171,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0957104100531138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694061988892135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669670286985861,0.0,0.07502973861642735,0.0,0.0,0.06857872611392131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921479235007254,0.15083253362107474,0.0,0.059787707066494965,0.0,0.0,0.1105008164890794,0.10292727246438868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21897595242371104,0.10014905369289516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20750797086279227,0.08448589212944238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20222913132419992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003874399067516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686838715961827,0.30402374151893824,0.0,0.06477988502506526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991828130026564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964191787949115,0.0,0.0,0.10753794778465207,0.0,0.18134387586351366,0.20496774872770074,0.09408577724030777,0.05574023801890355,0.08226354268606491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622342435565315,0.06573991133807743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059415462069202,0.0,0.0,0.08717662444894601,0.0,0.0,0.2695067299403901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385514062580488,0.04791617195010492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09410890895831886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646048964934438,0.07459307366996518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620939350958436,0.09362696937196116,0.0,0.0,0.204942191017157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34394534564938506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837584523919841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928692876543486,0.0,0.0,0.1006761098641536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08310154445480247,0.07550557526293858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212283439852558,0.0788317354194077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0628447045109348,0.09636156993080396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06658882313828213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057849205398305036,0.0,0.15734521811877586,0.0,0.08818429685826187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278536638627895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13934422040704553,0.0,0.0,0.1263186002535342 ptsd,onirroc,2019/05/24,"Dealing with family who are still close to my abuser Why do I need to spell it out for my siblings? I've never told them the extent of the abuse, but it's quite obvious my dad did something very bad and traumatizing to me. Why do they still love him?",1.613653846153845,3.629854596153848,3.216000000000001,90.529,79.96153846153845,6.467692307692308,20.015384615384615,7.554174236665415,0.5233030769230771,197,5,43,3,5,65,42,52,0.235,0.6759999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.8589,0,0,1,0,2,0,4.0,0,0,2,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,2,8,7,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,8,1,7,5,1,5,0,0,0,1,8,2,0,0,3,29,11,0,0.0,0.5387139340699424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898167556892484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234374287557334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143129291763049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20518036328141512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685673775428305,0.1753361767860477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24180070024407824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501499702817752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363102969342069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172300816598911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18757669191150556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4102722549547989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sloppytoppy100,2019/05/24,"Trigger Warning NSFW- A little bit of writing I did in therapy about my trauma Denial. For so long I was in denial. In my head was a clear picture of what was supposed to happen, how it was supposed to happen, and with who it was supposed to happen. To have that picture ripped out of my mind, taken not by consent but by pure, raw, overwhelming force; of course I was blind to the evil that had stolen what was rightfully mine. I remember feeling cold, so cold, and so alone after. I was a rag doll, old, used, dirty. I was worthless, and completely utterly in denial. I tried to convince myself it was special, that he cared about me. Of course he didn’t, my body was an object, a toy, to be played with and then replaced when broken. And he did just that. He broke me. I shattered into a million different pieces in that moment and every single day I still fight to put myself back together. I tried to cut corners; by lying to myself I could fix the problem with duct tape: not permanent, but in the moment it worked. I was temporarily alright, suspended in my own bubble of disbelief. I had blinded myself, because I knew if I opened my eyes and faced reality the tape would come off, and I would be broken once again. December 6, 2016 is when ________ raped me, stole my virginity, and destroyed my self confidence. That day I lost what I held most precious in many ways. I would never be the same person, and the happy innocence inside me was gone, much too soon.",3.9527079303675055,5.577176765957447,4.9332043842682145,82.52454545454547,72.12056737588652,7.538620245003225,27.002578981302385,8.150884317080207,1.8045120567375887,1136,40,213,17,22,371,156,282,0.22899999999999998,0.662,0.109,-0.9922,1,1,0,0,1,0,46.0,0,0,0,2,14,18,5,1,12,1,27,8,4,3,3,42,39,20,0,6,6,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,14,17,0,1,3,2,0,3,4,11,0,1,23,6,36,7,37,9,7,34,0,4,3,2,9,15,0,2,15,162,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379869145082564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11418546026259697,0.0,0.09052273651497132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212087900711805,0.16494731686944716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514031630159098,0.0,0.0,0.12791750223770804,0.15569687023444104,0.0,0.0,0.11856322124200835,0.0,0.0,0.19153728735375636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15514834795064025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511560204807806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07508483004932444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3939477154253276,0.15807841783868207,0.0,0.0,0.15240134188417212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488335705174307,0.0,0.1314156709112756,0.0,0.0,0.16210263255132087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15055322195760112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499402074202187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10916279565370553,0.0,0.1145304756946825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582321310355968,0.15814505888335256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1296623447876147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420921134080352,0.0,0.14928106680102954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682187917798159,0.12681610800609416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549153450338272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859034617723024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16981990575945302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20164019620570864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825421646453142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787045405680205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810799495672392,0.0,0.0,0.31646522590577464,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,unxile_phantom,2019/05/24,"My grandpa got PTSD from WWII. It doesn't run in our family though. Am I at risk? None of my aunts (his kids) have it, he only has it in dreams but out family doesn't have it in our genes. We have diabetes and breast cancer but not PTSD. Would I be at risk at all, in terms of genetics? I know I can get it from a traumatic experience though.",0.6241487279843447,2.38454053424658,2.863444227005872,93.10753424657534,82.01369863013699,7.4590998043052865,17.277886497064582,8.418075326091056,0.4805749510763211,261,5,64,6,7,89,48,73,0.2,0.7759999999999999,0.024,-0.9419,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,1,0,10,3,1,0,1,9,13,5,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,4,2,0,0,1,0,10,0,12,10,3,10,0,0,0,1,8,8,0,0,1,46,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435127988106731,0.4693602516340821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006178922064726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991014580286016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368118749242648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18933141794657507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.581999165910434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.489168009117801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768410760833736,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,aconra04,2019/05/24,"This is new to me so I'm not sure what to do This all started about nine months ago when I was present at a police shooting :/ I woke up in the morning and heard what sounded like gunfire off in the distance but I put it off thinking ""it must just be firecrackers"". I live in the suburbs of a medium sized city and most of my neighbours are retired seniors with a few middle class young families mixed in i.e. not the place you would expect to have a shooting. I then hoped in the shower and heard the same sounds off in the distance. Still not thinking anything of it I got dressed, got in my car and headed down the street. I then noticed a police car at the end of the street. I thought ""hey it could be for anything"" but in the back of my mind I was thinking ""wtf is going on?"". It sounds really dump now but I kept going down the street towards my work. When I got closer I saw a police officer crouched behind a building and almost instantly I heard the shooter fire a couple shots off in our direction and saw a bullet take a chunk out of an electrical pole sending shards of wood in the air. I instantly backed up all the way down the street into my drive way, went in the house, and hid in the basement. It all sounds do fucking stupid now but I cannot describe how much my brain took all those obvious signs and dismissed them. &#x200B; After the incident I had a hard time processing what had happened because two of the four who died in the shooting were police officers and my father is a police officer so it hit close to home. I thought I had move on well but about two months ago I've started experiencing really fucked up dreams where I'm trapped in my house or car. I can remember why I can't leave but for some reason I'm trapped. I've also started experiencing really bad anxiety whenever I heard any noise that even remotely resembles a gunshot (fire crackers, someone closing the lid on a dumpster etc). It's not normal ""anxiety"" like I've experienced before, it's like hard to breath have to stop what I'm doing anxiety. It's to the point that I don't leave my house or car until 30 or so minutes after the noises have stopped stopped. I thought I was doing fine. &#x200B; I've seen some pretty screwed up stuff before (volunteer firefighter, ski patroller, worked at a nursing home). I've seen bad accidents, dead people etc and none of that has bugged me as much as this. Is this normal? Should I see someone or is this just to be expected?",5.035,5.77845049180328,5.49438524590164,82.83247950819674,68.67213114754098,8.47704918032787,31.438524590163933,8.567472430010655,2.3512344262295084,1952,79,384,29,32,626,232,488,0.165,0.78,0.055,-0.996,1,2,0,6,1,0,54.0,1,1,1,2,19,14,5,0,40,0,32,6,3,2,7,66,69,32,2,9,16,1,4,3,1,3,0,8,3,0,25,15,0,4,8,2,0,12,8,7,1,4,25,20,39,7,62,36,14,88,0,0,5,3,12,46,3,9,31,259,64,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337137557838955,0.0,0.08097884639451101,0.0,0.0,0.06467108929039679,0.0,0.1752435410371964,0.1965299177027652,0.05499384550749716,0.0,0.1855942052483852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330969618491388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1243668831373424,0.13504484841679873,0.04929712840645087,0.0,0.1376275068076925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027679914660933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456749505007585,0.08948025830233047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392948700524197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07162612928952458,0.0,0.1803811233566447,0.05341335981799816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623630729880171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952458913041258,0.0,0.0,0.09191968736877383,0.0,0.1940355181555696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151238779124637,0.0,0.14488588090689145,0.0,0.08299515469173764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16223685087873665,0.08032138656480127,0.0,0.27993668068240785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17125766344189094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852585408950927,0.0,0.07140900646750603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08165486311013058,0.0,0.12909808626820127,0.08595118705882213,0.1188963692819397,0.0,0.0,0.07810400055761928,0.0,0.0,0.15846933889932618,0.0,0.09207014762815886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056064537601580505,0.0,0.08449112704084556,0.0,0.0764475560116817,0.0,0.0,0.08227307391403861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129590644362833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15542068718754934,0.08314703111846224,0.0,0.0,0.0916090663849529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444230142885095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370404622878925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717189591351622,0.0,0.06458226682417513,0.20283087727917376,0.0,0.0,0.09257591379480813,0.0,0.0,0.07621828666025174,0.0,0.060803592219262514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554532003290608,0.0,0.19260339225096207,0.04715549490204452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984868353262243,0.0,0.0,0.15799496236317692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283804518658984,0.0,0.0,0.07271114446351644,0.07496658092884316,0.07297189634129764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774751657588575,0.0,0.0,0.057447176544695215,0.0,0.1965299177027652,0.0 ptsd,feliciap1090,2019/05/24,"Pulled over today and had a panic attack (NSFW) Not sure if this needs a TW or not but my post talks about cops, car accident and depression. So, quick background, I have PTSD and panic disorder (r/t PTSD). Some of the PTSD is r/t a bad car accident I was in and the other part was childhood trauma (not getting into that now). Just started therapy a few months ago for the first time after really bad depression, dissociation, and day/nocturnal panic attacks and flashbacks. As the title says, heading back from work and I got pulled over on the highway. Officer said I was speeding. I've been dissociating (nightmares/lack of sleep/stress from PTSD) more frequently and have no clue what happened before that time. Anyways, officer walks up to my passenger side and I started to hyperventilate, shake uncontrollably and cry. So bad that I couldn't even form sentences or pull out my wallet. I have the say, I got lucky with the most understanding cop (not enough to get out of the ticket). Not only did he wait patiently, but he kept asking if he could do anything to help. If he could call anyone, get me an ambulance, do anything, etc. I managed to tell him in the midst of it all that I have PTSD and panic disorder and I was having a panic attack. He kept telling me it was okay and to take my time. Honestly, I dont know what I would have done had he been a douchebag because I literally could not control myself and I felt like the panic attack would have been way worse than it was. I kept having bad flashbacks while he was back in his car (from the cause of my PTSD) and was still basically hyperventilating when he came back. I felt so stupid the whole time because I couldn't calm myself the f down, but having him say ""it's okay, just breathe,"" was really helpful in the moment. Took a while to actually start driving again and semi process that but I guess I just felt like I needed to share this to people who might get it? Idk. It's frustrating losing chunks in my day, especially for something like this. I'm still feeling ""off"" even though that was an hour ago. Kinda glad I have a therapy session at 1. How do you move forward with your day after a bad panic attack or flashback?",4.581964394400488,5.971406250000001,5.3569293974437,81.01704199634815,70.22641509433961,8.206816798539258,27.59251369446136,8.654491914285503,1.9873597991479,1726,59,331,29,31,561,212,424,0.27899999999999997,0.647,0.07400000000000001,-0.9988,0,0,1,0,0,0,62.0,0,2,0,4,21,36,7,9,25,2,40,2,2,3,2,71,69,35,0,12,19,0,4,3,0,3,0,4,0,0,19,22,0,5,6,1,0,13,10,25,0,1,28,8,37,11,41,33,10,63,0,3,0,0,26,17,0,12,36,228,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.05732248597685032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414023848891102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04107288918513646,0.0,0.09667724323074743,0.0,0.05491465979144936,0.3341303428161443,0.0,0.1355040029900944,0.2452303094688322,0.07161561627424444,0.0,0.04998404083021045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599808602086231,0.06718375455544642,0.0,0.06034291790395229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588273150740702,0.140699096441396,0.0,0.06452394147484597,0.1136487478292347,0.0,0.10118662161726183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464394759882733,0.0,0.0,0.060112168423056785,0.06884370642757383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060694883834745875,0.06551144930247192,0.077595405742606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02970108165002253,0.0,0.16920095824140846,0.0,0.0,0.04996484098736252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12275844284472336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09396066708816707,0.0,0.06470954442798894,0.0,0.05194423984179464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028494298916669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874535578115473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784779364370873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03228237291868586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609327114417308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571585953969697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062314639363616135,0.0,0.0,0.04688629595062265,0.06243210740359196,0.0,0.08711102454801728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044674977539474386,0.0,0.4824371902881474,0.0,0.06361049405894648,0.0,0.04072343097110637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05625738872238945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4119886696096835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526164068443933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05587589249547609,0.1401389755173977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058783158978795776,0.0,0.0,0.04522148924847285,0.0,0.0,0.12473098821337422,0.0,0.09382085708659184,0.0,0.06728731590781671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055362449568428417,0.0,0.04416572394002289,0.04721357943824587,0.10268398669300996,0.0,0.13435030440762186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057712475978323186,0.0,0.137008784782888,0.0,0.05567935041655102,0.0,0.06526312029339527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061151178946269966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04662566297035662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558193524288435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04276395622285584,0.0,0.05986182948781794,0.08345546859328437,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,zobop12,2019/05/24,"Coming to realise I might have ptsd Hi, sorry if this is inappropriate to post here since I don’t have a formal diagnosis yet. I got off the phone yesterday to a healthcare provider who’s hooking me up to some therapy for the first time in my life. She mentioned after the assessment that I answered positive to ptsd related questions, and after some thought I’ve realised that perhaps that explains my situation better than anxiety. But I’m still not sure. Is it possible this sort of experience could result in that? Very Grateful for any input. When I was 14 my father died, and a new father figure entered my life in the form of my brother in law. Loved him. 4 years later, he died suddenly at age 40. I had to go to the house and keep his 3 young children (all under 3yrs) distracted while they removed the body from the house. The children were telling me they found their daddy asleep underwater. I saw his father unzip the body bag to look at him, outside the window. My family was so distracted looking after my sister that I was left alone for the next two weeks, looking after the children, and the only person who was paying me any attention was a creepy older friend of BIL who was just trying to get me into bed. He was the only person talking to me, making sure I was eating, etc. But there was a time he made me cry just so he could comfort me, and the worst part was hearing from my younger sister that everyone thought it was weird I was hanging around with him. I felt extremely judged and spied on as older relatives kept sending her to check on me, as if I was trying to seduce him and not the other way around. I told my boyfriend of the time, who wasn’t staying there, and he was just angry and jealous, also acting like it was my fault I was stuck in a house with this guy for 2 weeks. I broke up with him a couple months later as I felt very betrayed. I was still naive at 18 and didn’t know what to do about the attention. I wanted to see the body but no one asked me. The children’s reactions at the burial were very upsetting and difficult. I went back to school and began having panic attacks (I didn’t know what was happening until it happened in class once and my teacher told me). Since then at every traumatic event (one horrible breakup with an abusive partner and another close bereavement) I’ve had other extreme attacks of anxiety that have left me bedridden or feeling on the verge of psychosis. I’m about to have a baby and I want to get my emotions, worry, and panic under control. Again, really appreciate you reading and having any input as to whether this could qualify as ptsd.",5.72400908644401,6.309014988212184,6.308132981335954,78.16717000245579,67.09430255402751,8.955820235756386,31.623342337917485,8.930421266530582,2.6298688113948923,2075,80,381,33,32,677,255,509,0.156,0.8029999999999999,0.040999999999999995,-0.9954,0,1,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,1,3,3,19,20,3,5,31,0,39,9,4,4,3,71,76,36,3,7,12,6,3,1,2,1,2,1,2,8,23,26,1,3,14,1,2,8,7,13,0,4,39,9,57,7,69,33,7,70,0,1,5,2,50,26,0,8,34,274,80,5,0.0,0.08951958361357579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07825154997296506,0.0,0.06042080907768566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541387044651018,0.07922535341837893,0.11559778528840142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345188303981654,0.07063314467550855,0.17190802553808987,0.0,0.05809665326561956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682170779825225,0.0,0.25177164552878434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06508340691553488,0.0,0.0,0.08474065985026738,0.1809720696149315,0.08359948258842657,0.08299293686849872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682703248002494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731099123382107,0.0,0.08498850631402746,0.0,0.0,0.08426310376968311,0.0,0.0,0.06365782240216991,0.07219544633501816,0.0,0.07390667978491383,0.07122594375061299,0.0,0.03820256385402919,0.0,0.1450881034692425,0.0,0.0,0.06426651563629784,0.0,0.08284147611067247,0.058373125300427625,0.0,0.07894808860257754,0.0,0.04293929437349022,0.0,0.060427738398546815,0.0,0.0,0.07481071321913989,0.13362497452369124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851552755370175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615388255083007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671562030006224,0.0,0.0,0.08304542085824973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418010631518365,0.0,0.10673258368860512,0.036912052867778586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19033994689864675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819077631004727,0.07149137963295732,0.05043313424486223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015125568086981,0.0,0.0,0.06030678397637459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07297088942950777,0.08035293853191182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046294712556043,0.10239520427923834,0.11492501870737733,0.0,0.1772935678111662,0.0,0.08181802904378077,0.0,0.0,0.13194233783196976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517620934728334,0.07236020930996613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2649570753577005,0.0,0.08463819519532659,0.0,0.07557482444810029,0.0,0.04840206945803459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646506455637171,0.06020705749481561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499872507408365,0.08492628688133523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457694084629037,0.0,0.08053091450215842,0.12067564831220727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424182149104831,0.0,0.0,0.060727747377021836,0.06603785688092981,0.0,0.0864030162843672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996347382423568,0.1321690968423178,0.0,0.0,0.14439089267003632,0.0,0.10259292677398643,0.0,0.07380564917745391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870208245255804,0.08912785980669488,0.059971548775569324,0.12121032990156655,0.0,0.0,0.07003966568692248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767291387216846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048654542516433585 ptsd,LDeep_12,2019/05/24,"Girlfriend has a CPTSD diagnosis, but won’t acknowledge it or seek help I wasn’t sure where to post this so I apologise in advance if this isn’t the right place, but was hoping to get some advice from people a better understanding of this. My girlfriend in the past has received a diagnosis for CPTSD after she experienced a sustained trauma as a child. She told me this early on in our relationship but it has never been mentioned since. But I feel that it is still affecting her everyday life in a very significant way. She doesn’t sleep from nightmares, she’s hyper vigilant at all times, often descends into the deepest sadness for days at a time, says the most awful things about herself, she gets faint, sometimes disassociated or shuts down completely, and is so incredibly anxious most of the time. She just isn’t happy or enjoying her life at all. I have in the past gently suggested that she talk to a therapist, not with direct reference to C-PTSD but because she has told me she wants to die, or because of self harm, and this is met with quite a lot of hostility, saying that I thought she was crazy or just shifting my responsibility as a boyfriend on to a therapist, and it has almost lead to break-ups, so I haven’t suggested it in a while. Another part of it is that within our relationship when I have made mistakes, nothing that I felt was too major - getting a bit cross, or being late to a meet up, it’s been world shattering for her, sent her spiralling down for days. She told me that sometimes she almost cries when she sees me because of the relief and safety it makes her feel. I was so touched that she felt that way but it also made me realise the responsibility I have, how careful I need to be to not make any slip-ups, and why she finds it so hard to forgive little things - if they’ve made her feel this awful I don’t really blame her. And it also made me realise that I actually never talk about how I’m feeling or if I’m upset, because of fear of upsetting her. There have been times when I’ve felt more like a carer than a boyfriend, I feel awful for saying that but it is how it’s felt. It is beginning to really affect me too and I don’t feel that that is sustainable in a relationship. I think that I need to encourage her to seek help, but to be more upfront and talk about the C-PTSD and how I see her feeling, and to say that I don’t think things can continue with the way they currently are, with her whole world being dependent on me. Because I’ll inevitably slip up from time to time with little things as people do, and I don’t want her to have to feel so so sad when I do. But I do want to be with her, I love her and I want most for her to be happy. But I know that me suggesting this will not go down well. She doesn’t see the symptoms I mentioned as anything more than just situational - she doesn’t like work or she’s just tired. But while the situations have always changed the feelings haven’t. What I was hoping was if anyone with more experience of the condition might be able to make clearer is whether I am doing the right thing by suggesting getting help, and if so whether there are specific things I should avoid saying that could make the CPTSD worse, or if there’s a best way to go about it. I don’t want to bring up her old trauma with her anymore than I need to, I really don’t want to upset her with this, but I just don’t feel things are sustainable as they currently are. Thank you for any advice",6.0220693598966974,5.686057030215827,6.589640287769786,79.55840250876224,66.46762589928058,9.83324109942815,30.77015310828261,9.40045753921074,2.439078952222837,2736,90,564,47,39,897,248,695,0.12300000000000001,0.741,0.136,0.6443,2,1,0,0,0,0,59.0,2,1,2,6,36,29,1,5,34,3,65,7,1,16,5,128,124,67,1,20,37,0,16,2,2,4,5,5,0,2,47,23,0,1,23,0,0,8,21,12,1,0,24,25,86,17,89,88,16,71,0,2,3,1,76,30,0,27,30,416,133,2,0.0578577411664372,0.0,0.05646080929894137,0.0,0.0,0.11307583009502027,0.0,0.0,0.11587234048958192,0.0,0.0,0.09253762941474736,0.04814227553748472,0.0,0.0,0.07869049603932253,0.06066888632239378,0.0,0.06536277896680369,0.05737933239828074,0.040455477883060975,0.0,0.047611991180939055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763477099946099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060718129815210874,0.051170470302249485,0.06316566833016615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058989823135495986,0.0,0.06120581849138799,0.0,0.06066274082341869,0.0,0.0,0.04619469839415313,0.0,0.06355401188110693,0.07462691320169751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600472007714754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0565959728908741,0.0,0.0651060442217714,0.29254612364359833,0.0,0.2222100193008464,0.0,0.05288092724476477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091312707704305,0.0,0.06576377527410933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12318128266399553,0.05182917166659681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11634247294506544,0.0,0.0,0.11493158358036132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03179710143442356,0.0,0.06526605214156088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173326728508093,0.056532739653060174,0.11597731284550533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049188582527301225,0.052218870319741775,0.21898557453335665,0.1544819660052797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137792019456927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870234588641052,0.08924691360831863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551606308110485,0.0,0.060711966634526465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06265429548753428,0.11046352136647533,0.08022254551160962,0.0,0.06044902512644947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055411722680590116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352652064994235,0.0,0.0,0.0615388295806374,0.0,0.0,0.11119545157006104,0.0,0.0,0.18635268407272615,0.0,0.09882038965362096,0.0,0.2300539900761983,0.0,0.0,0.13831538652794814,0.0,0.06035824234107656,0.0,0.0,0.04786052137827688,0.13006905043080472,0.057899525335162474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11444557086443455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04620526683340782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05453023633112585,0.060136346405356686,0.0,0.13951158221189686,0.0,0.05326763463337726,0.0,0.1343545937584888,0.2690667864487908,0.07414580869251586,0.0,0.04593258371374858,0.2024238849226734,0.06649896225326396,0.0,0.1658566533706724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023194901709492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773869581514812,0.20475596869409066,0.18369912752696466,0.0,0.0,0.05202105774400635,0.0,0.05220761220675065,0.06459610179327173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042121124651537806,0.0,0.05896198117371225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,assmurderrrr,2019/05/24,"LONG DAY, LONG VENT N: niece M: mom s: sister (Sorry bout this I just got tired of typing “my niece”, “my mom”, “my sister” without using names) TRIGGER WARNING deadass don’t know what all I typed but I know this probably needs a trigger warning So today my mom drove two hours to pick me up at my house (one working car between me and my husband right now) and two hours back to her house. I was supposed to spend the night and watch my niece tomorrow (she and my nephew live with my mom ~ my brothers kids) just to spend time with them. I told her before she left that I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay the night and asked her if that was ok. She said it was fine she would have someone to watch my niece. After she picked me up she pretty much spent the entire day guilting me and telling me to stay the night. It was obviously making me uncomfortable and feel like shit and I asked her to stop - she wouldn’t. I mean that was just when she was being nice. My niece was in the car too and my mom kept finding reasons to raise her voice and get frustrated with her. I was constantly having to tell her that N wasn’t doing anything wrong. Like my mother fucking pINCHED HER ARM and held it as tight as she could when she wasn’t walking fast enough to her liking at a gas station. I was just in shock because N was saying over and over M was hurting and it wasn’t until I said something that she stopped. I think it’s just because I’m an adult now and she knows she can’t scare me into shutting up when I see something shitty. Not even the worse part of the day? For me at least. Poor N probably is just tired of feeling like everything she does is wrong. Maybe I’m projecting. I don’t think so though. We were out to eat with S who I haven’t talked to in months. I texted her months ago when I was in a deep depression and basically went off on her about the dent in the back of my skull. It wasn’t a lot. We were in an argument when I was probably 16. I turned around to walk away and she grabbed a can of food and just started hitting me over and over again in the back of my head. It hurts to this day. Every time I think about it I cry. ANYWAY, out at dinner. First time I’ve seen in S in months. M has convinced me to try and mend the relationship. I start off by saying I’m sorry. I was immature about the way I went things and I should of just tried to talk to her about it because she’s my sister and I love her. The entire time I’m saying all this she’s looking at me like I’m the most disgusting person on the planet. I finally stop and ask if everything is okay. Honestly I don’t even remember what she said. It’s fucking cliche but it’s literally all a blur. This always happens. Whatever she said is just not even a memory. Whenever I’m in conflict of any kind I can’t remember what was said. My body like shuts down. I can barely hear my own thoughts. My vision has blurred in and out before. Lately when I’m panicking I can’t hear anything. It’s scary. I don’t know if these are symptoms. I got diagnosed with PTSD and haven’t been back to the doctor since. It’s fucking terrifying. I remember what I said before I walked out of the restaurant. Something shitty about her creepy ass boyfriend? (I only feel this way about him because he tried to fuck me when I was 16 and he was 20. She knew this. Is now living with him) I just stood at the back of the restaurant and trembled. I called my husband and just balled and asked him to pick me up. Felt like 5 minutes had passed but it’d been 20. My mom texted me my niece was upset so I went back in because I honestly hate that she even witnessed this disfunction. I don’t even know anymore. I just miss my family, but I hate them. I’ve had so many traumatic experiences in my life and almost all of them (including being molested) were caused by FAMILY. It fucks with me. I was raised to believe the most important people were family but at the same time they caused me the most pain. And continue to do so.",1.4741854445797813,3.5034542192448264,2.785091199756394,93.3734955085262,80.49817295980513,6.05384287454324,21.34654384896468,7.1686216300943375,0.4769923142509138,3098,91,689,40,80,1000,312,821,0.168,0.7490000000000001,0.083,-0.9978,0,0,3,0,0,0,78.0,2,0,4,2,49,40,11,4,31,2,63,22,6,10,6,125,130,54,0,9,23,14,6,7,0,3,7,12,0,3,36,45,3,7,20,1,4,10,19,23,0,4,53,23,132,17,96,69,14,111,0,4,5,7,88,45,7,10,59,457,168,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0433112907777691,0.0,0.04892606141067984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04065529218525835,0.0,0.0,0.03322635950382747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048455821790783685,0.0,0.0,0.08041495302713123,0.04349560709966701,0.18270937979025165,0.0,0.045905418139491685,0.22542115747816716,0.0,0.14892249267381955,0.0,0.12472834850722835,0.055048296184845615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05427225586357258,0.0,0.0,0.04989134872920457,0.0,0.0,0.10038500781791156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052800117867619206,0.0,0.03901059805870371,0.0,0.05367022837464279,0.12604219170058126,0.0,0.04208289951392785,0.04959169840472386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05001010581466059,0.04275756601598614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049995803401483366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048526488192191,0.0,0.16135728273249733,0.0,0.04116651362236235,0.0,0.08782412842696206,0.04779428867245571,0.13818209638798182,0.0,0.07411499353702927,0.06981094384952982,0.04691309852051815,0.05352355491752445,0.044656998950731885,0.04156014597372146,0.059081499719730875,0.0,0.0,0.22585062506821266,0.02552724427474835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815533808984113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04320658582432006,0.0,0.0,0.09647793220865336,0.0501442810811895,0.0,0.11013715763834096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623417989855426,0.11275536628783694,0.10461091594758663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050879993623462925,0.13426042236560304,0.0,0.055116015808755366,0.0,0.05308634766396377,0.0,0.03451114250035295,0.16709311266218854,0.0,0.08628824912333281,0.08647882307567124,0.041029951079066825,0.0,0.0,0.041538879757959335,0.044097903697556215,0.0,0.03261431556349907,0.04953619821312555,0.04908626589422088,0.053222678025494435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433442504097305,0.11699834916123344,0.0,0.035917596532897465,0.03622894443966826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375549202615567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03310868494051844,0.03716010200818799,0.051990303413426496,0.0,0.0,0.052910433943320505,0.0,0.0338732537173094,0.042662518467965774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049708011980725136,0.1580374800853628,0.0,0.057114525968465335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050236042272063484,0.0,0.052457171553131066,0.1660459863514082,0.04172602738834878,0.2788613195960701,0.11656589241590752,0.04891721294985884,0.0,0.03893495817158512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05015391280016194,0.040417355828093686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04139877494043838,0.11284405136749832,0.0,0.10938915772173397,0.0691664775357469,0.10415615438210143,0.0,0.12254701566624912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0460498110282915,0.0507840708975225,0.0,0.0785433602757462,0.0854112890543282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03246029962616223,0.0939222175224996,0.048004534363887234,0.03878924689075579,0.14245279737553873,0.1123143727727567,0.046313405292716416,0.04668766088551824,0.0,0.0995178508679722,0.05314546399299126,0.09545790753179724,0.0,0.0,0.04219920507742661,0.0,0.0,0.02881879332664101,0.07756531676583042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13588065422929624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0470991320268077,0.0,0.03557053776044729,0.0,0.04979234042588041,0.0347086209873007,0.10684110672737124,0.0,0.0 ptsd,artsyChaos,2019/05/24,It's officially been seven years and I just had the worst realization I was raped on my step-dad's birthday. I just realized that. He had to live with knowing that I was raped on his birthday and I was hundreds of miles away.,2.6480434782608704,4.506678804347832,4.029782608695655,86.65380434782612,76.17391304347827,7.208695652173913,26.71739130434783,8.07648339933343,1.5821478260869568,179,7,38,3,4,59,32,46,0.275,0.725,0.0,-0.9359999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,1,0,6,2,0,0,0,7,7,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,6,0,7,0,6,1,1,5,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,1,29,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6091151297252526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35629804890432937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5724757576416423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41749486942881625 ptsd,biggerperspective,2019/05/24,"Can't process PTSD event because I blacked out While I was innocently trying to make friends at college one year (about five years ago), I was drugged and raped. Of course, this isn't an easy thing to process. Thing is, I LITERALLY cannot grieve and process it because I blacked out from the drugs and only remember the aftermath. Like, wtf do I do? *And please don't say I should be grateful for the lack of memory. It still haunts me, nonetheless.",4.100531561461793,5.994036627906978,3.745614617940202,90.09058139534883,72.25581395348838,7.70498338870432,30.890365448504987,8.418075326091056,2.1284737541528247,354,16,74,6,7,106,60,86,0.16,0.677,0.16399999999999998,-0.1586,0,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,4,0,11,3,0,1,0,10,12,5,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,2,3,8,2,10,8,1,10,0,1,2,1,2,3,0,0,8,47,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20346822487340224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798438438008157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5323736147996532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733755865589046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11213881913739268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321586528592349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553831880249086,0.174571107347404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519596310479696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26831320435396305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600175110890905,0.0,0.0,0.1825348139383432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330631391383534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3049846552799592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558386592787761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956250069865746 ptsd,Matt2473k,2019/05/24,"Lost my best friend I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right place but I just need to get it off my chest. I've lost too much recently to lose her too. She's only online but so important to me. I really wanted to meet her this summer. I called her a week or two ago. I though it was going alright at first. She mentions an old friend she's had since second grade with my same name. And explains that it makes it weird to call me by that name. I say that seems like unfair treatment that she can only call me by my last name or nicknames, she just hangs up. I try my best to explain over message the next day but she just says goodbye and that was that. Basically my last name is a trigger to my past. I believe I have undiagnosed PTSD. I went through severe bullying and my reputation for years was based around my last name. Her nickname for me is a wording of it as well. I really try to identify with my first name at this point. Hearing my last name constantly is just too much. I tried to explain these things to her but I guess it came off in the wrong way. Honestly she's the only friend in my life that wasn't a part of my painful past, and made me hopeful for a future for myself. Recently she went an entire month ghosting me out of the blue. She because paranoid I would kill her and that made me feel terrible. She's had some bad experiences recently that have caused trust issues which I get, but I want to believe that she is the same person I used to know. Our strong relationship as friends is what got me through last year. I cannot take her screensaver off my phone. Her smile makes me too happy and I just can't feel like she's gone for good this time. I love her so much. I know I'm often too much and can get suicidal, but that's why I can't lose someone who understands me so well. She just said recently that she was in it for the long haul. People have said I need to let her go but I don't have it in me to do so. I miss you tar. Thanks for reading.",1.684289890852391,3.405062430288464,2.9775571725571734,93.74041580041582,78.54326923076924,6.324220374220372,21.820166320166322,7.2228458231874715,0.4621058471933472,1545,44,356,19,37,500,186,416,0.132,0.6990000000000001,0.168,0.9524,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,1,1,0,9,20,31,1,0,14,1,25,4,1,7,1,65,67,24,3,7,17,0,2,2,4,1,2,5,0,1,29,12,0,0,9,1,0,7,6,11,2,4,18,8,76,20,46,47,10,52,0,5,1,1,56,17,0,8,28,241,105,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695032646197872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723524149687465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306207673629871,0.04604069434550994,0.0,0.0,0.17018663422715685,0.15852232252625018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313652185191737,0.08638302284870489,0.0,0.07758726332796267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08161809692087278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0487088108597111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388011698975692,0.0,0.0,0.07637766694588978,0.05395666346365157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848683522386875,0.0,0.0,0.2334085816764641,0.0,0.11837957081248945,0.0,0.08584772312877262,0.06334865159447507,0.06040602006887018,0.0,0.08320175155199183,0.0,0.0,0.08040013369601208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851246698847652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750155744924414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883079860533214,0.0,0.0,0.08355968236525813,0.0,0.0830155735087355,0.30782383763713983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723170301757347,0.05334711146869012,0.0737975726183342,0.0,0.0,0.06683921597570673,0.0,0.1689912876618095,0.16489377244276165,0.0,0.06816626786740061,0.14293136984135382,0.10083001615047812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06028510911891925,0.0,0.22208479779054807,0.11200495824768464,0.0,0.0,0.08032405888730204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925311587602886,0.0,0.0,0.17232557027039244,0.08036629072650141,0.0,0.0,0.08178862283108179,0.14419856157241978,0.05236106691762075,0.06594745822229284,0.07890987326730745,0.0,0.07139763863678743,0.0,0.07233420233166588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08828728238394183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07554766210517437,0.0,0.09676934654655872,0.0,0.2982960856068305,0.08108797262068225,0.0,0.064499836080741,0.14368736996218373,0.1201245589226757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687571475481858,0.0,0.08532426443404667,0.0,0.062476899645063186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399397126282315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261452379789952,0.0,0.07118351419438687,0.0,0.05678707249223396,0.0,0.0,0.06953531987284048,0.0,0.0,0.050176931188129936,0.0,0.07420511348433817,0.0,0.04404053131849733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538340807848913,0.0,0.07377912269370132,0.07862650313449394,0.0,0.06523127123747259,0.0,0.0,0.0890958263681788,0.059949994404976524,0.0605833828522406,0.0,0.1358160885216556,0.14002898547012113,0.06815157157961928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05365237249723364,0.0825771622884551,0.0,0.09727411118070448 ptsd,joe11999,2019/05/24,"PTSD from a bad trip Hey guys, was wondering if it’s possible to have PTSD from a bad trip from marijuana and a drug they knocked me out with when I broke my arm . I think I’m experiencing depersonalization for about a month now, any tips?",5.115624999999998,5.501904312499999,6.383333333333333,77.795,68.375,10.566666666666666,28.5,10.504223727775694,2.5077000000000003,189,6,43,5,3,64,38,48,0.209,0.7909999999999999,0.0,-0.8689,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,3,3,0,0,4,0,2,2,1,0,0,6,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,1,5,0,8,4,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,24,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17835998174224166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43798713248231297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30416253396585563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2596992914309373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20935008360722526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956822661143049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6131845896495999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16805898742908376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28443240921928525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Beefsis,2019/04/27,"Is my daughter lost forever? Long story shortened. We have an amazing daughter who married a borderline (BPD.) Married for 7 years before we found out. Divorced now and has PTSD. She started EMDR about 16 months ago. She was initially getting some help from it. Last summer, she started pulling away from me and my husband and has completely rejected us the last 6 months. I recently learned that she had increased the EMDR therapy to many times per week in this time period even though I don't know how long that was sustained. She just keep getting worse and cutting off more and more people. I guess she has no plans to come back to us. We were incredibly close and had a supportive and fantastic relationship with her. I would have never thought something like this could happen. We have givien her the ""space"" she requested, but that hasn't helped. Could this therapy be doing this to her? Will she come out of this state that she is in? This is absolutely not like her. And no, we are not monster, clingy parents. Is this something she will go through and come out the other side in a better place? I can be patient is it will help her, but don't want to sit idly by if it will destroy her.",3.561722257184812,5.913938132158594,3.804568911264948,87.03866372980913,75.16740088105726,6.9669813299769245,27.990140549611912,7.957251820313856,1.846361191525068,944,39,180,15,21,292,133,227,0.09699999999999999,0.831,0.07200000000000001,-0.5872,1,1,2,0,1,0,29.0,7,0,0,3,7,9,2,0,8,0,31,0,0,1,1,41,48,14,0,5,6,4,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,16,22,0,1,4,0,0,6,8,4,0,0,8,0,31,5,21,31,4,39,0,2,0,0,34,12,0,3,21,133,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841140523860526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1149047003494638,0.09404100722108827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040681332121962,0.0,0.0,0.10816424617181218,0.0,0.0,0.15403233339656186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3160513796758842,0.1282290272714701,0.0,0.0,0.19529289840113676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077787317062272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340954326148701,0.0,0.0,0.12779320929936766,0.0,0.0695058022324234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13472703242436365,0.0,0.10814932089673936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2459249604222272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10870569329438036,0.0,0.0,0.06721277890916467,0.19938134176617905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949902223845214,0.0,0.0,0.2164629722332452,0.0,0.0,0.13350469318298716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12399281485324605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195237088149414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09432515547136043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13579946933306145,0.0,0.0,0.0847872914787896,0.0,0.12777727458830698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429619369126794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075631115920332,0.1313042299315757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883047424336924,0.0,0.0,0.17312887448977982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878437868215882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797209898192345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201589455026164,0.09709239064591642,0.1426280091525633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942232337615968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07213559849446305,0.0,0.09810153312470808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12463395799922528,0.08687827833242037,0.0,0.0,0.07875706993322419 ptsd,PM_ME_LARGE_BOOBIESS,2019/04/27,"I’m sorry if this is not the correct place to ask this, but is what i’m experiencing ptsd, or some other form of mental illness? when i was at a convention for youth group, we were staying at a hotel and this girls room snuck into ours, and i was dead asleep and wasn’t expecting it. This girl came onto me quickly and kind of forced me to do some stuff that i one don’t really feel comfortable explaining and two took advantage of me because i hadn’t fully woken up yet and was easy to take advantage of. Least to say, we made out and did a little more, and that was it. fast forward around a year and me and this girl are making out and i just get these chills. i can’t explain how bad it was but i just couldn’t stop shaking. this exact thing happened with that original girl because i was worried about getting caught and was uncomfortable. i was shaking so badly the girl i was with asked me what was wrong and if i was ok. i’m just really confused at what’s going on and since that whole thing at the convention was pretty traumatic i was wondering if it was ptsd?",5.187871443624869,5.156818401826488,5.958995433789957,82.34437302423605,68.17808219178083,9.295539164032316,28.718299964875307,9.057496981413335,2.0756038637161924,846,26,177,14,13,278,120,219,0.207,0.6970000000000001,0.096,-0.9828,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,3,0,0,2,10,11,0,3,7,1,25,2,1,4,2,49,45,23,1,5,10,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,5,22,23,0,1,4,1,0,7,6,6,0,2,23,3,20,5,23,21,6,30,2,0,0,0,14,15,0,8,9,134,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1377547556302005,0.28932905691692595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2584091549889232,0.18866072188958494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17698563934918726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824309552175074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616944575079774,0.0,0.08794444593140112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1368393975558525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16114181535633634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15509390201973736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464222890111932,0.10329266264064756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559453158247459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485837783037484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167429560364285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574300371892106,0.0,0.0,0.3617743534280232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1982656325646578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305845038385126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800563888118555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732229723339841,0.0,0.16493626082066648,0.0,0.12937271387454466,0.0,0.0,0.17714458519891202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163480508132896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560975881719787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17192601317803394,0.0,0.0,0.15116217018055686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276588388848724,0.0,0.0,0.16781300880063466,0.0,0.1571498016007961,0.0,0.0,0.16918801150153245,0.0,0.0996499091586202 ptsd,traumatalker,2019/04/27,"not sure.. I had several traumatic experiences as a young child, many of them ongoing for several years. I recently started to realise that I was really traumatised by it and its been on my mind all the time. but what I think now is that if I have diagnosable ptsd, how can I know what I am without it? it all happened when I was so young that I have no memories of before. I'm scared. I feel like I'm broken.",2.4007142857142867,3.9930252619047657,4.823333333333334,81.85500000000002,76.14285714285714,9.561904761904762,27.47619047619048,9.957137785484203,2.795090476190476,318,13,68,10,7,112,61,84,0.185,0.7759999999999999,0.039,-0.9051,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,1,2,0,9,1,0,1,3,13,16,7,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,9,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,4,1,12,2,8,12,2,9,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,9,51,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19424628972622388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23169560564929426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22329799173579015,0.0,0.0,0.11542333944088642,0.16308061063124368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20186394885903866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545466630667074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152425329087437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314363051832953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23049395524411306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26684274004165565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14623962187571504,0.0,0.22539527403525755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22854436620814406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5157744105114964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16157511658994386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514767994352899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14627021438953458,0.0,0.0,0.13310972693452933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2200501751613289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470024315036399 ptsd,purrbby,2019/04/27,"PTSD and phallophobia Hi! So I have a problem, I have PTSD and phallophobia (the fear of erect penis) and my boyfriend used to be really patient with me but lately he’s been trying to do “exposure therapy” and he doesn’t seem to understand how bad it makes me even though I’ve told him, he said that I won’t get better if I don’t get exposed to it. I love him so much but this is getting hard",1.9198967297762481,3.4522477710843416,3.9619965576592087,87.77590361445783,77.31325301204821,7.634423407917385,23.9053356282272,8.418075326091056,1.350526333907057,307,10,69,6,7,105,58,83,0.14,0.7490000000000001,0.111,0.2623,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,1,2,0,9,1,0,3,0,14,19,11,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,3,2,10,2,6,14,1,1,0,0,0,1,9,0,0,2,1,44,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721796465815449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823790698798191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620206211511884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23204750158802134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232141045751057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472677826414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326177933092473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18611572148616212,0.0,0.1376491026310256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15159063883437035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19731845557693625,0.4821050579123177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210563900382138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19615624681830407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1877290120702201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358230919857741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20260370218544554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19704582217342545,0.0,0.14000542022795645,0.0,0.0,0.21467551058063164,0.0,0.17810224161660132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,donutnose,2019/04/27,"First time feeling attracted to someone after long abusive marriage and several years post divorce For the first time in many years, I have feelings of being attracted to someone. The thing is, I didn’t think that I was capable of getting those butterflies in my stomach...being excited to hear from someone. It probably won’t go anywhere. Maybe it will. It’s ok either way. I was sure that I was broken after so many years of being in a really unhealthy relationship. And I’m starting to feel like what I went through didn’t break me because I have worked so hard at getting healed. I never imagined that I could be open to other relationships in my lifetime. Maybe I am.",4.295325697924123,6.544863385826776,5.172569792412316,78.54156048675735,72.62204724409449,7.767788117394417,32.805297065139584,8.575989854853784,2.993352755905512,538,27,91,10,11,175,81,127,0.099,0.754,0.147,0.5008,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,3,2,6,0,0,3,1,15,1,0,0,2,12,26,4,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,10,3,0,0,5,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,6,5,13,6,18,14,1,23,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,13,67,23,1,0.0,0.17553147308739064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030980956893514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11828433766443228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22472464811585344,0.10583715279812476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520296834383942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480271165763893,0.0,0.08419607521017128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271174951659628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16697386597214378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07237776085431025,0.0,0.0,0.1311065558917158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30039818344934605,0.29766969688498346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426107791290305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418850895008416,0.0,0.1597288906801088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490757451600304,0.0,0.0,0.31811159539643263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736537496202428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3765766420637671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10486010713788983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962799003637547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09842312686136767,0.09492742865161773,0.0,0.0,0.17277289377266306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759320000134095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13733492936744895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078537040890984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2862078835342405 ptsd,HighOnDissociation,2019/04/27,"What does a person need to do, for you personally, to show they care you? What makes you feel cared about? For me, it's when people really take me seriously and show that they are listening. Also, what caring doesn't do much for you? When someone gives me a gift, I appreciate it, but I don't feel cared for. What about you guys?",2.267727272727271,4.227049409090913,3.7181818181818183,87.99727272727274,77.63636363636364,7.430303030303031,18.575757575757574,8.344100000000001,0.6381393939393938,255,5,56,5,6,84,40,66,0.022000000000000002,0.764,0.214,0.9017,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,5,2,0,5,5,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,16,5,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,3,7,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,12,4,8,16,1,2,0,0,0,0,12,0,0,0,2,40,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188886879682972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7745949459256527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16621112003945698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207105292041246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18220046147407915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18806293358517265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12678134945994654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962216527073093,0.14083246532118202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13167520895903467,0.3316832850407548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12167555664397026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092910313321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428055247298717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JadeyKayk,2019/04/27,"Auditory Hallucinations? I don't usually do this sort of thing/ask people for help, but I'm kind of desperate. &#x200B; I was recently diagnosed with PTSD after a flood destroyed a lot of my things and from people placing blame for the event on me (because I didn't unpack my belongings so that's why they were on the floor and ended up water-damaged) While images of water damage and floods are tough, I've gotten to a point with the help of therapy that I can handle them. But my biggest trigger is fire alarms, since the building alarm went off when the event happened. &#x200B; I was starting to get better with fire alarm sounds where the panic attacks were manageable and I could keep from crying if there were other people around. Until last night... the fire alarms went off down the hall (not even in my unit) and I just panicked and burst into tears just like I used to before. Well... even after they shut off, I can still hear them. It's like there's this echo of them playing in my head. It's getting bad enough that trucks backing up and certain bird calls sound like them and make me panic and shake and shut down. I can't see my therapist again for almost a month and I don't know what to do. They don't go away. I've been listening to music and it helps, but I can't listen to music all the time when I'm at work/have stuff to do... but the echoing of them in my head makes me so anxious I shake and feel nauseous. &#x200B; I was wondering if anyone else has had a similar experience and can help/tell me what to do? It doesn't help that my family aren't able to be supportive right now because they're dealing with something else.",5.171752786220871,5.74069077507599,5.404498480243163,84.21904761904763,68.30091185410336,8.21195542046606,27.520770010131717,8.11559375814309,1.6089651469098274,1311,39,263,16,21,415,175,329,0.20199999999999999,0.7020000000000001,0.096,-0.9911,0,1,1,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,8,1,17,22,2,8,15,0,28,4,2,4,2,43,50,26,0,3,9,0,4,3,0,0,1,5,0,0,15,20,1,1,3,1,0,5,9,13,1,0,12,10,34,9,44,36,3,50,0,1,1,0,17,25,0,6,23,177,49,1,0.08926385505778484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08938485670322319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901520489831954,0.32539606293308426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084274826911764,0.0,0.062415362944411135,0.09146136822105566,0.0,0.07946375603769269,0.08344965474433995,0.10155052167675196,0.08386633021321288,0.06863839461049279,0.07453159041953368,0.10882883505215467,0.0,0.07595696606059163,0.0,0.0,0.07894662584837224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114837631130138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07126992479764817,0.0,0.09805215327325588,0.0,0.09202711500185363,0.0,0.090600933894264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14913699362614902,0.0,0.0790612806653252,0.09223342400722692,0.0,0.11791586879639927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731717863738371,0.08415001826882257,0.0,0.045134487195962934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09327336007588316,0.0,0.050730705915686174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07893573222919069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322093582418975,0.0,0.10060685214950167,0.0,0.2991584022196189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07934181580175267,0.0,0.0929545687505801,0.04905708028827368,0.07276195576012331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308294320692626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588893746446414,0.0,0.0,0.11916863279253112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124955748027112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376808107235495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094638018766297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856529531886277,0.0,0.09326172969230788,0.0,0.08438319565736585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10434466973565563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813728799784898,0.0,0.0,0.07623084448993046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113173545078062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383998333102566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871967666086749,0.0,0.0,0.06318141604844069,0.0,0.07128622995596921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021857578509511,0.0,0.10129556489503368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020809976806843,0.1036422157331157,0.11860587780707214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05205047172510136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0770953105579911,0.09831152524369746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08025892585497882,0.16549697586972384,0.0805467450851642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680284306904399,0.06498514960945005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32539606293308426,0.0 ptsd,DemBears1,2019/04/27,How do I get help if I don't remember what my Trauma was? Something happened to me when I was 3-4. I don't know what. All I know is that afterwards I was left with bruises in places and a chemical burn on my genitalia. Apparently it was bad enough to where i don't remember anything before a specific period of time. I think this is the source of my problems. How can I treat a trauma i don't remember?,1.3372058823529436,3.204546882352944,4.10198529411765,84.57768382352944,80.17647058823529,8.485294117647058,25.919117647058826,9.188382445141503,2.3179705882352946,315,13,68,9,8,112,53,85,0.155,0.7759999999999999,0.069,-0.7757,1,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,4,0,12,0,0,2,1,13,17,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,4,0,14,1,7,13,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,4,50,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756115576573667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17818164933740327,0.0,0.0,0.18158927530136632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22050117971636013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11149367029478148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887105706598018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14303877649889415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23456017584594865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318617583588923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22295953599132207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041967709740677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7252281623813541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428718695579175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673930280267912,0.0,0.0,0.12443634770924915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheShrubberyDemander,2019/04/27,"Abandonment PTSD is horrific Title. I’ve been struggling to get over a certain event from last year, but it’s impossible to do when damn near everything triggers me to some extent. Especially the phrase “move on.” Like, bitch, if it were that goddamn easy, I wouldn’t be in this situation. Let’s see you goddamn “””””move on””””” after making your first real connection in a decade and then having them ghost you over (more likely than not) their own abandonment issues. It hurts goddammit. Not even cuddling my therapy dog or seeing my therapist is helping the pain much anymore. I just want to finish remodeling my room so I can get blazed again. Smoking was basically the only thing that seemed to ease the pain. The worst part is being called an entitled incel pussy for not getting over it immediately. It ain’t easy when everyone abandons you. Even before birth.",4.913736263736261,7.475577846153848,5.321098901098903,76.7596153846154,71.8205128205128,8.303296703296704,28.45054945054945,9.04235418022936,2.682893406593407,688,27,115,15,14,219,117,156,0.259,0.626,0.114,-0.9858,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,2,1,7,13,2,1,8,0,14,3,0,2,1,19,22,8,1,3,7,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,2,0,9,1,0,3,1,0,0,2,5,10,0,1,3,2,13,3,17,15,7,22,0,4,2,1,8,9,2,4,13,83,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15925949914116347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13664800621710402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16397763811327026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21213285901298526,0.0,0.0,0.15344809382872446,0.14432555458637888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365955170585391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25170078562719617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763831502642032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17191207849538312,0.0,0.0,0.1676114704961239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309001227767118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16421144452061687,0.0,0.15690973432263086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719330246634352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34135787579129256,0.1180501789626366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213391528908475,0.3417525232600338,0.0,0.0,0.1739004498889246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771801742825533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827835602540283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25593465174367075,0.14619269132827056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805069086687158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16788076446969252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364562895509728,0.18645428950592446,0.10668709908079517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471857913936997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034129877196151 ptsd,itsgunnabeweird,2019/07/06,"Anyone else wonder what your experience would be like if you were ‘normal’? Like you remember good feelings from the past from similar experiences and feel sad or angry, no one really understands how much it can f with your life",9.957560975609756,9.143538048780492,9.673292682926833,62.22262195121951,58.75609756097561,14.053658536585367,35.134146341463406,13.023866798666859,4.889673170731708,184,6,30,6,2,60,37,41,0.17,0.6729999999999999,0.156,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,4,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,1,0,12,8,4,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,2,4,3,3,5,1,1,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,3,3,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175871082116226,0.2516894231565915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20520250586209987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805703380642145,0.0,0.0,0.24840811520257305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20603299069551992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350432320520134,0.24001670453789556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18057525268930535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24067716355069305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16645348593603193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344932381903204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736465871656796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2782646839596471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557221532106503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266388445808935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17449714374787406,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TerriblyGentlemanly,2019/07/06,"15 years ago today, and it feels like it could genuinely happen again at any moment TW home invasion. TW gun violence. &#x200B; Today it is 15 years since the event my family called The Incident. When I was 16, we went through a home-invasion in the middle of the night, in which I and my parents were shot. My parents and brother were also beaten. Though we all survived (by mere heartbeats, and with some permanent injuries), the level of violence and disregard for human life we experienced is grotesque. &#x200B; We live in South Africa. Today, I board with my parents because they need the financial support, and because I frankly don't think it is safe to leave them alone in the old house. Yes, we still live in the same place. This time of the year is always the worst. July (midwinter here) gets freezing cold, just like that night I spent lying on the concrete in a pool of my own frigid blood, convinced that I was dying. We cannot go to bed until at least after midnight. We listen for the slightest sounds and stare out of the windows at shadows in the blackness. &#x200B; My parents are well into their 70s, and my father was disabled by the attack. They are struggling to live on a puny pension (equivalent to about $70 a month) and my rent. I cannot get them to a safer place. I feel trapped here, playing the one younger stronger man in the household whose presence can hopefully deter an attack. &#x200B; The usual July crime-wave is sweeping our area again. Yesterday a next-door-neighbour's house was broken into and ransacked. There is a small minority of people in this country who want White people dead. A month ago a young couple was shot to death in cold blood in a racist attack a couple of blocks away from me when their car ran out of fuel. They were executed, and the car was torched. These incidents constantly remind us of the hatred we tasted on that night. My nightmares of being shot are increasing in frequency, and last night I dreamt a man was slicing into my chest from all angles with a knife, in exactly the place where I was operated on after being shot. It seems at any moment it could all happen again.",5.9450370370370385,7.038230071604942,5.760246913580249,80.48111111111113,66.80246913580247,8.271604938271606,30.80246913580247,8.401726058763845,2.318876543209877,1709,64,305,23,27,532,216,405,0.14800000000000002,0.777,0.075,-0.9871,5,2,0,1,0,0,67.0,10,0,7,2,15,14,4,1,35,1,28,5,3,0,4,47,45,17,3,5,1,6,3,2,0,0,1,2,5,3,15,28,1,3,4,2,2,6,3,6,1,1,14,12,38,8,57,27,9,75,0,0,3,0,30,36,0,3,35,208,53,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12541354315492922,0.0,0.0,0.0732653407322379,0.0,0.05657077931265924,0.058861374821565435,0.30658718740512353,0.3438275348285849,0.09621129725492557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414310017502361,0.06646259018719036,0.0,0.0,0.08624493579523708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223348351602753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0764448454648099,0.0,0.11296032132217228,0.15654500336404722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341698646636657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668740797679741,0.0,0.07153657297721304,0.05053669413873282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391749573810495,0.0,0.04020319129988502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12511035618076827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14191604298220267,0.07026081489118964,0.0,0.1632490020725477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05766256893093032,0.0,0.07490348152842627,0.0,0.0,0.0499657777633759,0.06912001440018774,0.0,0.18739423706024086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292803984128237,0.0,0.0,0.05245283857106857,0.0,0.0,0.07523282826232837,0.265538917891134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742297655092509,0.0,0.04793527753416613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31419374317922083,0.0,0.0,0.09808446459541108,0.0,0.22172483659164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439906978005032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585168868016804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05649308221199548,0.0,0.0,0.07395284242722766,0.0,0.0,0.08027495182253615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0453273571738429,0.06950172384573475,0.0,0.041249082468739436,0.0,0.2011598413147892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509155043080954,0.0,0.07791015293429482,0.0,0.041724304628653744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360378574336575,0.0655767198617442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3438275348285849,0.13666278700687282 ptsd,UnderstandME_m,2019/07/06,DAE.. stomach issues (trigger warning: discussing a detail of trauma that some may have experienced) DAE vomit during a traumatic experience? I'll avoid details about what happened. Someone attacked me and I just froze. I sat on the floor and endured until suddenly I felt sick and just... blah. I didn't even consider moving toward the toilet. Has this ever happened to anyone?,3.7033846153846177,6.965999107692312,4.7357692307692325,72.68673076923079,88.69230769230771,5.676923076923077,29.57692307692308,7.1686216300943375,2.7313384615384617,302,15,39,5,10,98,54,65,0.27699999999999997,0.723,0.0,-0.9528,0,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,1,4,0,4,3,1,1,1,11,8,4,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,3,3,5,0,6,4,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,3,30,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100374327119584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3433055452072168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19931542919389003,0.27296713269324285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29518776588348633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897453467264274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5337062605258284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3149681980923945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207324496479411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2556877029540143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BabiiCakezz,2019/07/06,"A good night’s sleep is the one thing I desire above all else right now. I go to bed each night wondering if I’ll get any sleep at all and if I do then I’m terrified of the nightmares that may or may not come. The nightmares that wake me up screaming and shivering with my heart pounding in my mouth. I can cope during the day when I’m around people I trust but it’s a whole different ball game when I’m alone. All I need right now is rest and I’m sure I’m not the only one. We all need rest, we all deserve it.",-0.8735714285714309,1.1451488859649182,1.1453634085213054,101.35421052631581,90.84210526315788,4.660651629072682,16.037593984962403,6.1826913282559595,-0.7077248120300754,399,9,101,4,14,131,70,114,0.064,0.853,0.083,0.2732,1,1,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,7,0,6,5,5,0,6,27,17,10,0,5,6,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,5,9,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,1,11,3,7,15,9,16,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,6,8,61,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983257414988697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302196692047544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17046657090814146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16495155610662754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234951161832914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000661439923465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996520405441148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004554681302866,0.0,0.10882809860000027,0.16061260684944073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269164024939608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2839746051641664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.359400517770294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25951696575498123,0.14563666508705986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275495599957712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32706258313453745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3832562973037813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18047692400230608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12721735220854208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2137915868069525,0.0,0.0,0.2076625814706206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OsoGordo09,2019/07/06,"Biting myself is the only thing keeping me sane, but I wan to stop hurting myself. (TW: some minor descriptions of injuries) Since I was a kid I bit myself on the wrist to the point when it will get red, or even bleed if i had a panic attack. I never knew why i did it, my little child brain only knew that it was the only thing keeping me calm after I had a fight with my parents or when I was lonely and stressed. Now that I got diagnosed I know that those attacks and constant stress is linked to my PTSD, which has been getting worse and worse as I spent years without treating it. Sadly, even though I started taking medication, my stress levels will never go down. It’s gotten so bad that I can’t partake in any activity I enjoy (read: playing video games, reading, writing, drawing, etc...) it’s so bad I get chest aches and start hyperventilating and sweating if I spend too much time in front of a computer or a sheet of paper or a book. So, like I did when I was a kid, I turn to the only thing that soothes that restlessness: biting. I want to enjoy my life again. I really hate harming my body and worrying my friends and family. Do any of you guys struggle with anything similar.",4.957344632768361,5.439418576271187,5.896000000000001,80.81397175141244,68.7457627118644,8.15774011299435,29.292655367231642,8.021203637495839,1.9082404519774008,928,32,181,11,15,307,139,236,0.28,0.628,0.092,-0.9955,1,2,0,0,1,1,32.0,0,1,0,0,12,23,4,6,12,0,16,9,5,0,2,29,34,22,0,3,8,1,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,4,17,9,0,3,4,6,2,2,4,16,0,0,14,1,34,7,18,18,4,23,0,3,1,0,10,7,0,7,15,128,51,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662546892356762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871631117691017,0.0,0.0,0.24529298086147386,0.0,0.0,0.18002936548714166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176977679001157,0.11974972708971465,0.0,0.12034872162182013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650150900021855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942225001314326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023375776441328,0.14241155274419828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016312298542944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329173616137914,0.0,0.16897476362164818,0.0,0.06126943451298024,0.0,0.08622343274609162,0.0,0.0,0.10674628359238376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106437496178602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11541006022320845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916483557506859,0.0,0.0,0.0592481321493108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614756066820094,0.05266925409277975,0.10805134505677673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10860462186504333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07925084951959507,0.0,0.16629543866722726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279695677506001,0.0,0.12648876514008628,0.11970736867947628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019128471998327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260210910483411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567316486744972,0.0,0.06906418627090077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08917940212893716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526132768367544,0.0,0.0,0.0901318205664276,0.3704790656114848,0.11270371056729342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08105775418243252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214867354947686,0.0,0.10592023120606496,0.0,0.06286336669612044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11726350246459108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06358760256060192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09727941754706076,0.0,0.0,0.10392249440580724,0.0,0.0,0.10948365614149487,0.21972991843736653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06942443628766444 ptsd,Robodix,2019/07/06,"Cut myself for the first time in years tonight. Im under a lot of pressure with my divorce happening right now and some of my doctors fighting my transition and some even denying that I have PTSD. I can’t even get any one doctor to agree with my full diagnosis. Family court is a nightmare because of my medical issues and my doctors not agreeing on a diagnosis or treatment plan. I can’t work and I’m worried that I’m going to lose my 2 kids who are literally the only thing keeping me around. Last week I found out that my new medications are going to increase my medical costs to over $40,000 a year. Even though I’m working through some of these issues they just keep piling up. It feels like I won’t get my doctors to actually listen until I do something really drastic. I’ve been telling people for nearly 15 years now that I need help and I’m not getting it. But what do I do? What can I say? I don’t want to lose my kids. I am not able to continue without getting some sort of financial assistance and apparently they don’t think I deserve it. I don’t want to hurt other people to get what I want so the only option then is to hurt myself. Hopefully just enough to get people to believe me.",3.743802367941715,4.981683553278688,5.3171584699453565,81.08512750455374,72.07377049180329,8.045173041894353,29.539162112932605,8.515128840125781,2.2273085610200365,953,39,187,16,18,323,134,244,0.11,0.82,0.07,-0.8859,1,0,1,0,3,3,17.0,0,0,2,6,10,9,2,1,7,0,17,7,0,0,0,35,41,12,0,5,8,0,1,1,0,1,7,2,0,2,14,10,0,2,3,0,1,3,10,7,0,2,2,3,31,2,32,38,8,27,0,4,0,0,11,10,0,9,15,131,45,6,0.10031325824994923,0.0,0.0978912696904826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682164554981645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08930006748823294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06115003115516818,0.0,0.0,0.11301869067270892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4106994818221126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10365041119638624,0.0,0.19876788299166248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094566412226694,0.0,0.05072139744733999,0.07166381173730046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532640622235509,0.0,0.10998830997282863,0.0,0.0,0.3144572229512925,0.0,0.11402067276677935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870668298080724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723786249220846,0.0,0.0,0.0996336997637611,0.0,0.0,0.214774835369452,0.0,0.10835553275148622,0.2094019588205,0.0,0.17832606609671622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08176869410593615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04900799096253226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444975368794434,0.0,0.08528274492804494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031651625904221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07438100992765738,0.0,0.09688316990927837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797485991769438,0.15258550637525012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2086337479601422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172608307743665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06426324190269757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856669744431255,0.0,0.07977312923972907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722604706319389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767820919628998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06664367140944542,0.06427668541472792,0.09855726691234401,0.0,0.0584934675833991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1775020762281657,0.0,0.08046524496564827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669840126598256,0.0,0.14605849346220526,0.1018729830742547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19379534824081585 ptsd,fatcatvapor,2019/07/06,"Lost Biz 2 1/2 years ago. Struggling So in 2016, a biz I opened to help ppl was forced to close by an outrageous state tax. About 150 similar bizs were also closed by the state tax. The biz was more a mission to me than a ""job"". It operated very successfully for 3 yrs. Until about a month before the tax passed, I was the President of our state's, state trade association for similar sml bizs, and managed our state lobbying. When the biz was forced to close (happened pretty quick-10 weeks), I was certainly angry, but otherwise alright (shock maybe). My landlord, who was going to expand his biz into my space told me I could stay for several months rent free, as he didnt need it yet. I continued to get up every morning like I was going to work, and going into my closed biz for about 5 months. I typically didnt do much there, but very slowly got stuff thrown out or moved out, and continued to fight my state legislature to amend what they had done. I've been quite angry since this all happened. I haven't personally felt any angrier lately but had a couple friends suggest privately that I may be suffering from PTSD. Went to the doctor for a routine checkup 2 weeks ago, and he also told me he thinks I'm suffering from PTSD. I dont generally agree with what my doctor says. This time, in thinking about it I do. Even though it makes me feel awful that there are ppl that have been in horrible combat situations that struggle with this, and also ppl that have experienced unspeakable violence. This is what I think my symptoms are: -I have nightmares 20+ nights/week. Sometimes they are so horrible and vivid that they haunt me for weeks or months. -Ive lost interest in pretty much everything I've ever been interested in. Nothing makes me happy anymore. -I feel like the only emotions I have access to anymore are rage, fear, and anxiety. -I dread being around large or even medium groups of ppl. I used to love to go to parties, and talk to people I've never met before. Last night though circumstances required me to go into a huge 4th of July crowd, and I felt the need to take 2 low dose Ativan, and carry a concealed firearm. -I frequently experience thoughts focusing on self harm -Im hyper vigilant, and fly into rages when I see other sml bizs like mine being threatened in the same or similar ways to the way mine was hurt -Over the last few months a feeling of hopelessness has settled over me, and I feel my situation will never improve. I apologize for the very long post, but hope that others can see this list of symptoms and maybe realize they arent alone (even though we all are really), or that someone can confirm or refute my diagnosis. Again, Ive never been in the military, or survived a sudden physical attack, and I feel guilty that I'm having these feelings.",6.7816912702751955,6.998940416195861,6.97921146953405,75.53377802077641,64.80037664783427,10.241443411700383,32.19494562906263,10.011982343527217,3.0826276775408537,2215,80,406,45,31,715,276,531,0.20199999999999999,0.6859999999999999,0.11199999999999999,-0.9958,3,1,0,1,1,1,73.0,3,0,4,7,23,31,5,4,24,2,45,7,0,3,7,71,84,37,0,4,11,0,8,3,1,2,6,1,2,2,26,29,0,1,13,0,6,8,8,18,0,0,28,13,51,14,61,50,7,74,0,7,3,1,27,26,0,9,33,258,77,20,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270624031237552,0.0,0.0,0.07422858827629737,0.0,0.17194361115777754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04873811204649117,0.0,0.054827415001933416,0.0,0.14215492199631302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380156610625756,0.0,0.08153506258640678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219719185951108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05722272700283984,0.07930158029216955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467147275265612,0.0,0.07334337512225701,0.0839967999455396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08061919342915225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420122356364903,0.06482969051589818,0.060385133473890774,0.0,0.06441244655716245,0.07010709061376877,0.0,0.08064876542648419,0.21743127524498104,0.05120111944580847,0.13762903226745066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05537212599396615,0.0,0.037444658707118265,0.0,0.2036587904026002,0.0,0.05732111013268376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675523003412228,0.07629413282015958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04803894385864122,0.0,0.0,0.0711845607812811,0.0,0.0,0.0767243029160662,0.0,0.0774159850073312,0.0,0.0711214954883565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684136169571605,0.08084697192702854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504314262280567,0.0,0.0,0.0634257654412189,0.0,0.0,0.15647271711675312,0.0,0.06468504535320192,0.0,0.09568066980496799,0.0,0.14400445687231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28603187026943794,0.07617395268040868,0.10537151047555277,0.10628491232831293,0.16582915196285494,0.0,0.0,0.06725751498075526,0.0,0.06876937467708596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05450832538922835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049687009341582336,0.06257954937969334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0686401251644454,0.14582847436209978,0.0,0.0,0.16755697631048827,0.0,0.0,0.07622995208499521,0.0,0.0,0.04591368844147459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056994924212820625,0.0,0.0,0.11422354914769214,0.0,0.07476752406487899,0.08096679028080354,0.0,0.05928623076342796,0.16112034547372636,0.0,0.0,0.0607258261743099,0.0,0.07088354168244328,0.0,0.0,0.07639076923280935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149850257639685,0.08204509464104598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898531012976515,0.05388698068054861,0.05760569545974896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13776987998758006,0.2112464690238416,0.0568980378648732,0.04179139998184474,0.0,0.0,0.13696766551658188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06189993776175079,0.0,0.17740596560194816,0.0,0.11377674701374207,0.22995766029442244,0.0,0.0,0.06643888215735347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05217667179947656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046153181700192565 ptsd,shallowhearted134,2019/03/17,"I feel so alone I know so many people with disorders of all kinds, most of my friends have anxiety/depression/bipolar or something similar. So I can relate to them with that. I understand them. They understand me. But no one will ever understand the flashbacks. No one will ever understand jumping when the floor creaks. No one will understand that feeling of grime that seems to constantly coat my being, the feeling that I contaminate others when we touch, the feeling that I will never truly be clean again. No one understand what it's like to fear every moment, what it's like to have to constantly glance back, check the surroundings, survey the area, because you never know who could be lurking, he could be right there. No one will ever understand those night terrors where I wake up, a sweat soaked mess, the layer of filth somehow thickening by the moment, trying desperately to recall why exactly my heart is pounding and my breath short, why he seems to chase me even in my subconscious. I would never in a million years wish this pain upon anyone, but I can't help but wonder if it'd be easier if I weren't so Goddamn alone.",6.954010207801678,7.679148928909953,6.846161137440755,74.88778344877873,64.45023696682463,10.283776886620489,32.344513306598614,10.214889679676881,3.3452301130149475,908,34,156,20,13,288,124,211,0.14800000000000002,0.763,0.08900000000000001,-0.7839,0,2,1,0,0,0,25.0,1,1,3,0,15,8,0,2,10,0,20,5,4,0,8,40,37,13,0,6,6,0,5,2,1,6,1,0,1,0,14,4,0,0,16,0,1,1,10,4,0,6,1,6,22,4,18,22,2,27,0,0,1,0,10,10,0,8,18,121,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18982665520642356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407811819911402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046693242440592,0.0,0.055864026314760735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980645852094101,0.0,0.1463371339935338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502950924810026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060528583203275824,0.24868592265744785,0.077212218214868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10312256869585043,0.18534750862380636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708022725016559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108596043487246,0.061425605983449115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543089333394147,0.10072793751163807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954316604736746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291046069757793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21203955230601004,0.0,0.0,0.08599967615421787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31049447493726384,0.0,0.09751339860935064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06353292585475917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782616463833515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668546121887205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055037984160696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062218806349751875,0.0,0.0,0.6678168459029649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538504652189054,0.0,0.10538361453995117,0.0,0.09938168629593652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509974690090893,0.0,0.0,0.05901435223765032 ptsd,fracure84,2019/03/17,"for those with PTSD. this post saved my life - MDMA works great!! google: mdma ptsd then visit this thread: [https://www.reddit.com/r/mdmatherapy/comments/76voek/how\_i\_found\_a\_therapist\_advice\_for\_those\_searching/](https://www.reddit.com/r/mdmatherapy/comments/76voek/how_i_found_a_therapist_advice_for_those_searching/) &#x200B; It works, i pledge. GL ",40.22615384615385,52.233620076923074,12.761076923076926,12.833923076923128,21.30769230769231,3.6184615384615375,12.892307692307696,5.6839178017228535,-0.9047907692307692,326,2,21,1,5,58,22,26,0.0,0.677,0.32299999999999995,0.8889,0,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,9,6,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28608051466325063,0.3208299699399457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2910981993435295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18649488309122084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252871397081323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6172827713942246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.384439505650016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3208299699399457,0.0 ptsd,lola__bun,2019/03/17,"i don’t dream anymore, i’m just fucking rattled by night terrors every goddamn time my eyes shut. i wake up in the middle of the night panicking and tired and scared and i’m fucking tired of it. ",6.821249999999999,5.5042546250000015,6.960000000000001,80.78500000000003,65.25,9.0,37.5,7.1686216300943375,2.68825,155,7,31,1,2,50,29,40,0.379,0.58,0.040999999999999995,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,2,0,1,6,2,0,0,4,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,5,5,0,7,0,0,1,2,0,4,2,0,3,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538637740230271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567452837072693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4732995122264657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4804405319111684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25628103776172523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926423049033985,0.5884236299247789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,asexualmaybee,2019/03/17,"After an intense PTSD episode, I arranged a visit with my childhood sexual assaulter and I am so grateful that we got to chat For background, it was a one time occurrence that happened when I was 7. His parents are friends with my parents. He had always be at the back of my mind, for years after the incident. When he showed up to the event that was hosted at his parents house, (I should note that he has moved out a long time ago and so I was not expecting him t show up) I locked myself in the bathroom and bawled my eyes out. How would he react to seeing me? Would he even recognize me? What will my parents think of us being in the same room again since the incident? What will his parents think? So I stayed in the bathroom, constantly psyching myself up to get out, but then failing to open the door. My mom knocked on the door and said, “is it because of ___”?!? as if it shouldn’t affect me anymore. (Cue eye roll). I said yes. We left the house.... ANYWAYS... after that event, I decided that I had better meet up with ____ to see him in a different way. Holy cow, he is nothing like he was 11 years ago. I see him in a completely different way. It seemingly didn’t affect him at all, he never thought of me, which was a disappointment, but I think he was sorry once he realized how much i was hurt by the incident. Yay me for being so brave!",2.2612670384138798,4.138940843866173,3.564149628252789,89.47266806071875,77.36431226765801,6.713816604708798,25.334727385377946,7.645422480735847,1.2723418835192066,1033,38,217,15,24,337,140,269,0.063,0.847,0.09,0.823,8,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,3,0,0,2,12,9,1,0,18,2,25,2,2,5,2,38,38,17,0,6,4,6,0,1,1,6,0,2,3,0,13,13,0,0,7,3,0,2,4,4,0,1,15,7,36,5,37,14,3,44,0,3,5,0,32,19,0,2,21,155,49,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633430656121244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745382025501705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104233581937874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081744642223075,0.0,0.06406959687746515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092954748445433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019812364326646,0.11357862086926092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2196197881790332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941930578987482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120204282502506,0.0,0.05491179407189811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840601865328301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09294192188546542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425486820065376,0.11251455527984422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11419433134176428,0.0,0.0,0.05134784341771382,0.0,0.0,0.09301253345643756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612371007529264,0.12309494757410645,0.0,0.11170747838686933,0.07726253735594146,0.0,0.08106163921291783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1008488225318897,0.0,0.0,0.11193088676836052,0.0712202723442237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5835202461831447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285936761285465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19995336735746055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512596011898106,0.09568150064805163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08694199406233365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11765380622099005,0.0,0.11202543524074077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20203659321242426,0.0,0.08343976006748945,0.1225723950499318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12642554101319284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16685117498484134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14932380696176856,0.0,0.0,0.13536531493620405 ptsd,bigtitsRmarvelous,2019/03/17,"Can someone please reassure that I’m not going to get killed? Long story short... I met my friend Timothy four years ago on this gaming chat site. We became great friends.. no odd behavior was shown by him.. we would text for hours about games, our scores and how we can work our way up the leaderboards.. well, that normality went on for about two years. On the third year, Timothy started exhibited odd behavior. He insinuated he was into illegal porn and stuff like that, but I took it as a joke because he would always joke around all the time. (By now he has my phone number) That went on for the rest of the year. On the fourth year, he would joke around about raping minors every day of the week. He did it for about six months.. then some idiot leaks my first and last name to him and state, so then that makes me paranoid. By then, I block him and I haven’t spoken to him in a year. It’s been a year.. blocked Timothy on all social media, I removed all my online shit, I’m totally ghosted. He never said he would hurt me... and he probably understands why I left.. I think. Maybe not. Anyways. I’ve been having paranoia all year that he’s going to come after me and kill me for leaving the friendship. He never said that though. Is this a form of PTSD? Will he really track me down with my first and last and kill me? His toxic behavior makes me paranoid enough to believe that even though I know he won’t... but I need reassurance. Please help me. I’m tired of being paranoid. ",1.9396814562002265,4.247695146757682,2.9589317406143363,91.24401763367466,80.46757679180887,6.090967007963598,20.346871444823663,7.3011,0.4972358134243455,1150,31,241,16,30,366,160,293,0.191,0.711,0.098,-0.9893,0,0,0,0,0,2,52.0,5,0,0,3,14,17,6,0,12,0,18,4,1,3,7,44,38,19,4,6,4,0,0,1,2,6,1,2,0,0,14,17,0,2,3,6,0,7,7,7,1,6,11,2,32,10,36,20,9,51,0,1,0,2,37,15,1,1,28,154,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391479528843859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876884895032299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16854380925485385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05770689472492905,0.0,0.0,0.10665501818061007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154550027203884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06105108231783112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0978142325378022,0.0,0.06252532817953414,0.0,0.07975933068086663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16104397162564074,0.0,0.0,0.14627586141098556,0.0,0.04945854623877849,0.0,0.1076005822976923,0.0,0.0,0.1043684774781068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06345194236322478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932259390209971,0.0,0.10134082174691944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3141983322828005,0.0,0.052025398716270696,0.15432919111987678,0.0,0.10023654799521048,0.10285378054627113,0.0,0.0,0.046248528769819004,0.0,0.0,0.083775530639517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263792218997233,0.0,0.0951036988281506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07556068592926435,0.0,0.0,0.07019288507862775,0.14602294093519833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09275158363783988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078274469981357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206486231122973,0.0,0.11065829876167098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06064481186855775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009615297034098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09717224423382954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09649902828584347,0.08020933253049464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700436189971186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108368756641858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065749842519251,0.18601572946563208,0.0,0.05519991261109896,0.10880347168056298,0.0,0.0,0.10517627880961987,0.0,0.0,0.09247393260910412,0.09854958539334106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514065687033784,0.07593453891242784,0.0,0.08511518813611432,0.1755107744970609,0.08542042257160486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689172347640976,0.0,0.0,0.2689891501814403,0.0,0.0,0.4876891604840358 ptsd,Laatikkopilvia,2019/03/17,I’m so sick of having ptsd. I wish it would just stop ,-3.325384615384614,-1.808547769230767,-0.34730769230769104,109.12980769230772,103.6153846153846,2.6,6.5,3.1291,-2.8066615384615385,41,0,12,0,2,14,12,13,0.35100000000000003,0.485,0.16399999999999998,-0.4754,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,4,4,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5924950769096997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4237597017631895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5828668000012504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3600605399868806,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pericat_,2019/06/22,"Do you dissociate from reading/watching fiction? Like watching a TV series or reading an engaging novel I can't seem to come back to reality for some time after being immersed in a work of fiction",8.18756756756757,8.026266270270277,9.484459459459464,60.01425675675677,61.972972972972975,10.643243243243244,45.52702702702703,10.125756701596842,5.259821621621623,160,10,23,3,2,56,32,37,0.0,0.8009999999999999,0.19899999999999998,0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,7,4,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,4,18,2,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3720589508586533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4168030813167442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23638985883119765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4839915608723529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44048853711249214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28214301939367825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3522562950705793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Lyfs2Short,2019/06/22,"Out at Night Hey, PTSD with a side dose of Panic Disorder here. I've been having issues with high anxiety leaving my house to go do the things I need to do during the day. However, I am totally comfortable being out at night. I don't see an association to and specific trigger or anything like that. This has been going on now for about 3 months. Has anyone else experienced something related, even if metaphorical in nature?",4.242910714285717,6.5261776125,5.8296428571428525,73.62250000000002,72.875,9.571428571428571,28.92857142857143,9.957137785484203,3.3536071428571432,339,14,58,10,7,115,66,80,0.094,0.831,0.07400000000000001,-0.1548,1,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,4,0,10,1,0,1,1,10,14,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,2,4,2,14,11,1,15,0,0,1,0,1,8,0,2,6,42,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670346588713979,0.0,0.0,0.15267311779979809,0.22372203870672666,0.1796807631159901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081558427281152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502442813327171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824006840789476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14421596284917707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481829689024022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23069531944788824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25194282278802066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278972688590908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2311976714508264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667318830771803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428228514920396,0.0,0.0,0.16190134144852655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4098072495649202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561828545897112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2552356551786944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399408276217568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809398832388125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505987228108413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lazy_yellow_lizard,2019/06/22,"Please help with your perception Not sure if I'm in the right place her. But I need some advice. I do not feel good since my son's birth more than six months ago. It varies from day to day but never stops. I'm often triggered by people talking about their experiences or media and now afraid that this is no longer healthy coping and I might need help. How long am I allowed to think about bad experience s? Could you please read and tell me what you think? Months before birth I realized I'm in big fear and reached out for help. I received some help (calming talk) from the hospital staff, and it helped but I never lost the fear completely and before delivery I knew (or had the idea) that the experience will have a big impact on my mental health. My birth was ""uncomplicated"" speaking in medical language but dramatic from my perspective. I had a very rushed delivery, hyperactive labor with no breaks. Less than two hours and no time left to receive pain medication. I had minor birth injuries and the baby was healthy, and I had a quick recovery. Everybody told me to be proud and that I ""did a good job"" but on the morning of the next day, I was not proud, I was in tears. My husband mentioned ""it wasn't that dramatic as expected"" and I was furious. I told the nurse I felt like meat and cried. I felt terribly embarrassed and unable to explain the exact reason. This feeling lasts until know, and I still think every fucking day about it. I feel, that everybody expects me to be thankful for the short time of labor and the healthy baby and to shut up about my feelings. Some feelings I have in varying strengt (it is not always as dramatic as it sounds below but always at least a small voice from the background): I suffer from the temporary loss of control and the brutality of the process. I'm ashamed and feel dirty because everybody knows what I have gone through. I feel weak because I begged for pain medication. I'm hurt because I do not remember everything properly. I feel like an object, not like a person. I'm afraid that this feeling will repeat as soon as I'm old or sick and dependent on medical staff. I feel mutilated when I look at the scars or touch them. I'm confused because often, I think I shouldn't make a fuss. I know that some of my thoughts are bullshit and wrong in many ways, but I feel that I'm brainwashed (especially with the ""dirty"" and ""ashamed"" part)I never expected to think this way. I'm battling these thoughts but I struggle really hard. I talked to many women about their experience and I have the strong feeling that many of them have similar feelings. Right now after writing this down I feel silly but better than before.",4.652573636409251,6.323462827788648,5.01471624266145,82.44666064529079,70.42857142857143,8.293863214411159,29.540920266947666,8.841846274778883,2.3521283656982286,2119,84,402,39,39,671,235,511,0.19,0.688,0.12300000000000001,-0.9932,2,0,0,0,0,0,60.0,0,3,4,7,14,36,4,9,27,0,29,10,0,7,5,107,77,44,0,8,20,2,18,3,0,4,9,3,0,2,23,26,0,2,33,1,0,4,14,23,0,2,20,22,55,13,58,50,7,62,0,4,1,1,29,24,1,14,34,258,78,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0643477468843752,0.05837195114991265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10958476123927532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054981904602866345,0.16056591824211025,0.0,0.1681002097912592,0.0,0.0,0.05823887329762072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06904235305701649,0.0,0.0738562469411412,0.05257577604637767,0.0,0.07233300815170655,0.16987091644358562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548136938486604,0.0,0.05918163188239136,0.25765529805594123,0.0,0.14819885914452308,0.4661395359302938,0.04704317201053812,0.12645243519439514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06087715889744723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104635209922544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058988563989783624,0.0,0.0,0.06999534997700403,0.0,0.0,0.2206889540314189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06484887366683625,0.0,0.07049366534435429,0.07433650648401989,0.0,0.0,0.06534585146027241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856812634705727,0.053676446293471056,0.0,0.0,0.07154609426137692,0.0,0.0,0.09651278488475848,0.0,0.0,0.05827507730000552,0.055297319868839005,0.0,0.07188292976748857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043955310513109205,0.20028434782182405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26534733120483833,0.06636119744524979,0.0698563233124292,0.0,0.0,0.10512150217983286,0.0,0.0,0.09765371278801416,0.15236247575420706,0.0,0.07003210125039515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06909837864675886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013784381025024,0.0,0.0,0.07130900996017991,0.0,0.04565201996450928,0.057497580866894125,0.0687991158672079,0.1445668018623843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658677063269844,0.0,0.04218512341857332,0.06770465051517173,0.0,0.0,0.07459508463720975,0.11247088639726144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0544717065143918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052587804350809335,0.055053453603600436,0.0,0.06884059882155807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620627386424108,0.0,0.0,0.15878293304707186,0.057555703175779585,0.060625728197398164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109697415563536,0.0,0.10455490861571244,0.07679519663580582,0.0,0.0,0.12584477680411132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432577066231178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05433305264833275,0.0,0.1045371495486925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199651350374686,0.0,0.0 ptsd,adamsarnovsky,2019/06/22,"In need of guidance. I am a 28 year old male who has suffered with severe PTSD since I have been a child. My father was an abusive alcoholic. My parents had always told me that mental illness was not a real thing and that I had to ""suck it up."" My dad would come home from work, check my mother's shopping receipts, and then direct his angry tirade at me. Mental, physical and verbal abuse. He would constantly compare me to my friends and tell me that I was not up to par, regardless of me being super advanced in my studies. He had been taken away by the police for punching me in the face repeatedly, but I dropped the charges due to feeling guilt that I would be the reason my own father would be in jail. My home was infested with fleas, and I didn't have a proper bed until I purchased one myself when I was 16 years old. There was never a meal cooked for me to eat when i got home from school. Even to this day, my father tells me that I needed to be beaten. He has rejected any wrongdoing to me in my life and still to this current day blames me for the disability that he has caused in my life. They even allowed the family dog to pass away due to neglect (being eaten alive from the inside by maggots.) Due to this, at age 28, I still have not had an official diagnosis. My PTSD has been so bad that I cannot maintain a job due to having severe mental breakdowns. The longest I have been able to work was a 6 month stretch where I had a job as a delivery driver. I am in great physical shape due to using the gym as one of my outlets in trying to cure my PTSD, but mentally I have always been extremely weak and fragile. Due to this, my father has deemed me as lazy, stating that I am ""able bodied"" and should be able to tough it out. I have a strong will to be normal and functional, and I wish very deeply every day that I could rid myself of the plague in my mind that brings me back to the panic and fear that forces me to stay inside and miss out on living. The largest problem in my life is that due to the fact that the people around me have neglected to accept that I have a severe disability, I cannot be free from it. I am 28 years old, possessing many skills and talents, but still living at home unable to make it longer than a couple months holding a job down before I mentally go off the rails and break down. I truly feel as if my mind is a prison and there is no way to escape. Living with my abusers who still deny my condition has made it feel almost impossible to make anything happen in my life, and suicide often crosses my mind due to feeling helpless. I feel as though no matter what I would never act on these thoughts, but some days it feels as though it would be the best option so that I no longer have to suffer. I have tried to contact other family members, but they all just treat me as though I am a burden and I am a problem. I do not wish to be a burden or a problem to anyone. I wish to be able to be free of my abusers and free from the torment that is inside of my mind from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to sleep. I do not have any money, nor medical insurance, and I have nobody to reach out to. My peers have no idea what I have struggled with my entire life, because I have done a great job of covering up what I deal with due to feeling ashamed of myself. I hold myself back from making new connections with people due to feeling embarassed of my situation in life. I have tried to work in order to remove myself from this living condition, hoping that if I escape the house that my abusers live in, that I will be free from the mental torment, but as soon as I get to the point mentally where I feel as though I am able to make it through, my father will say or do something to derail my life. He does not understand that he has severely damaged me due to the abuse he put me through as a child. When I try to tell him what he has done, he says ""you don't know what being beat means,"" or ""other people have had it much worse."" instead of acknowledging what he did to me. I cannot go a week without having flashbacks to him holding me down and beating me. I truly need to escape this home because every day longer that I live here is one day longer that I feel as though there is no end in sight. I am a good looking man, so I have never had a problem finding a relationship with a woman, but every time I find someone that I love, my disability destroys what I have spent so much time building. I have found that cannabis helps me cope with the past and the issues that still haunt me today, but I get called a drug addict by my father and threatened to be kicked out to the street if I bring it into his home. In the past I have abused alcohol and prescription pills as a way to try and combat my mental illness. I recognized that those were just creating more problems for me, and I have not drank alcohol or done any prescription drugs in 3 years. I do not wish to take any psychiatric drugs because I feel as though they numb the person that I am inside, and I live my life 100% clean from all substance other than cannabis. I feel as though I have an entire life to live, but I am trapped in a prison cell to watch everyone else around me succeed and get to do all of the things I have always dreamed of doing while I waste day after day after day with no end in sight. I have cried and begged for help from my parents but they offer no solution. My extended family has written me off as crazy, despite never being around to witness what I have dealt with. I am at the lowest point I believe that I have been at in my life to date, and I am having a very hard time seeing an end. My credit history is bad, so I can't buy or rent a vehicle, let alone a home. I have an actual net worth of 0$ at age 28, and I am unable to leave the home that the abuse still haunts me in, with the people who still abuse me. I feel as though even despite my repeated outcries to my parents for help, they neglect me, or make me feel as though I am an extreme burden on them. This only makes me feel worse, because I do not want anyone to have to take care of me. My only wish is to be able to escape this and to be able to take care of myself so that someday I may be able to have a wife and children. I do not have any idea where to start and I feel truly hopeless. If anyone can offer any suggestions, it would be of great help. I am so damaged mentally that I genuinely feel as though I can't even take the initiative to try to help myself anymore. I feel as though my willpower is at it's end and I can't fight this alone anymore. I do not want psychiatric help. I want to conquer this without being forced to take prescription medications. I strongly believe that my problems would be much less magnified if I were living away from the people who abused and neglected me. I am not looking for pity. I am looking for guidance from someone who has dealt with a similar situation, and to see if there is any option available for me to escape this neverending trap. Are there any programs that exist to help someone like me?",7.210342560553631,5.296774849134953,7.45362456747405,79.47233996539795,64.86851211072664,10.243944636678199,32.807093425605544,8.627809220192981,2.4023252595155697,5527,167,1157,63,68,1807,453,1445,0.19,0.703,0.107,-0.9993,12,4,7,0,10,2,118.0,0,1,6,14,51,59,4,5,74,0,153,34,4,11,8,192,229,104,1,36,38,12,20,1,1,13,24,2,11,7,76,57,8,7,30,4,13,12,34,36,0,3,37,30,194,27,208,155,11,152,0,13,8,1,69,59,1,19,75,851,270,12,0.21978040951250705,0.3255048081422509,0.02680924699737338,0.029949135896937856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807940685435202,0.027509791614049667,0.05690655548786756,0.0,0.0,0.06857809010847284,0.0,0.0,0.14945821505988116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054490777369666205,0.05762833968007398,0.0,0.022607568815533986,0.07336918523205886,0.0,0.0,0.07743409854962721,0.042249392170015686,0.045876865427276266,0.06698804885540756,0.0,0.023377117612887213,0.06190431492296757,0.02883074755120612,0.0,0.0,0.030515811127714506,0.0,0.0,0.028052546379396536,0.0,0.05602019377361404,0.02822187773368044,0.0,0.02366517026345115,0.0,0.02968806803276425,0.0,0.02193459666263125,0.0303978553544238,0.030177307469564468,0.1594577049254259,0.028322993960249725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024041414679804824,0.08434187439736653,0.0,0.0,0.09557831226469472,0.02811127839633499,0.022949791317690104,0.0,0.0973301042732247,0.0,0.0,0.07258144384230117,0.0,0.06944042777460856,0.026251199971466858,0.0,0.0,0.07769602879981923,0.030914257911568925,0.2500370521018789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05021882815914973,0.0,0.0,0.03012223437502225,0.021225224900060614,0.0,0.04305982232565192,0.0,0.04683985183780594,0.02304267251102361,0.02197230885120672,0.09086575401770394,0.0,0.0,0.024293886286995144,0.0,0.024610009706416174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889990375852792,0.0,0.22045767054030144,0.02728644213804195,0.0,0.031699635536850526,0.0,0.06202633264405761,0.0,0.028674205848503775,0.1090490718838218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.015098195664226512,0.0,0.0,0.029089464985974513,0.0,0.02809254491310733,0.19404675364697224,0.013421700818814792,0.0,0.2183288941837179,0.0,0.06921007157997372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024795050048140487,0.025995192193590082,0.11002884747933556,0.027852854918296758,0.0,0.029925662099246988,0.0,0.055351410128018065,0.2491728298701868,0.0,0.11095778062779144,0.0,0.04385665651136706,0.0,0.060586458468645764,0.061111645809775086,0.08475410042425725,0.026533161130699503,0.0,0.0,0.026917267190362047,0.0,0.0,0.08648346327716362,0.0,0.05584833504276738,0.04178822627970353,0.0,0.03223311952853912,0.09151505081465043,0.0,0.05245131738784685,0.09523003938853808,0.023987972032592352,0.0,0.0,0.051940881573914466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577251274331174,0.09634182655778244,0.02761750191456277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031269777760034666,0.0,0.028246358169296455,0.0,0.02949523866178375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04369455074601437,0.0,0.027803688492840616,0.04378413282898113,0.0,0.0,0.12414465237136567,0.0,0.022725578237103868,0.06176059718256004,0.0274923915369763,0.0,0.06983221041208534,0.021149712092755055,0.0,0.0,0.019445213132064026,0.029282084228293724,0.1535773040712897,0.0,0.0,0.028720275433174874,0.0,0.030050512025345026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327969746497546,0.0,0.07203666192285314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03650308456059019,0.0,0.2969080626324304,0.02181013693036993,0.04805839658024162,0.0,0.02604076624613692,0.026251199971466858,0.0,0.11191235347051187,0.0,0.0,0.02859989465936995,0.0,0.02372746353347681,0.0,0.045335463778581636,0.04861206744170112,0.04361286478375652,0.02203682344512437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579603902783945,0.05296511797196343,0.0,0.0600010333864309,0.0,0.05599375341473079,0.1561256971096796,0.0,0.0,0.07076568897114019 ptsd,thr0waway265,2019/06/22,"How can I advise a friend to consider therapy? I recently came to understand indirectly that my closest friend might be experiencing some symptoms of PTSD for a trauma that might not have seen any resolution. They're a very private person in general and I understand why they would not have wanted to disclose what they did. But their coping mechanisms had gotten pretty disruptive to our friendship, so I found myself asking after what was up and accidentally put them in a position of having to disclose some details to me in order to answer all my questions. While they have never mentioned PTSD specifically, it seems like a strong possibility to me as an outsider. My other best friend has talked with me in depth about his own experiences with PTSD, so perhaps the thought started there in my mind. I don't want to pretend I'm diagnosing her, but I am looking to suggest therapy in general without being insensitive or trigger them by accident. They cited extreme dissociation and emotional numbness and specific flashbacks as things interfering with our friendship and their life right now, and while I recognize that I shouldn't and will not come in to their space claiming to know how to do best for them, based on what they mentioned as their plan to deal with this ongoing stress, I am very concerned that they're entirely avoiding the possibility of professional therapy. Even if they do numb the negative emotions after the next few months of cutting themself off from others for a bit, I'm worried that that could mean there will still be a lack of healthier mechanisms in place. I definitely don't want to come off to them like I'm digging into their past. This is their fight in the end, but this person is very dear to me. I stated when I first found out that I would be there for them if they needed me, of course, but I know they're not in a place to reach out actively to me. And like I mentioned, they're very private and I've always respected their natural distance. But this flashback-induced isolation felt so different from that that I ended up digging into their privacy way more than usual and accidentally realized it might be partly due to that traumatic event. I'm not sure how to reopen the discussion briefly just to suggest with the best intentions looking for professional help. I'd love to hear any advice about how to open this discussion or phrase this or even what to avoid saying that would sound too preachy or unhelpful. I have my own struggle with depression and anxiety that gets in the way of things, but I was really lucky to have my parents' insurance for therapy when I needed it. TMy friend is not necessarily in that same position, and I know that not everyone might be ready to talk to a therapist right away. But I feel like I want to suggest therapy as their best friend who wants simultaneously to give them time and to just make sure they know they deserve help as much as anyone else. I'm just not sure that advice is solicited in this situation. And if I could give it without overstepping, I'm just also not sure how to do that. I would really appreciate even a short anecdotal tip if anyone has one. And thank you for your time reading this.",10.466511266511263,8.462674117845117,9.907542087542089,64.72191142191143,58.663299663299675,13.582905982905984,41.53302253302253,12.230961643895464,5.052301165501167,2582,111,448,66,26,835,264,594,0.113,0.725,0.162,0.9892,2,3,0,0,1,0,39.0,2,2,24,7,26,33,2,4,19,0,43,6,0,8,6,118,85,49,0,19,30,1,2,4,5,11,5,3,0,2,37,29,0,2,16,2,0,4,16,10,0,2,11,9,67,23,91,55,16,62,0,1,3,1,61,32,0,18,26,341,104,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964788697759975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895799489637485,0.05094034275506156,0.0,0.0,0.08326405004864745,0.0,0.04683349882740903,0.0,0.0,0.08561356465497098,0.06272761538372669,0.0,0.0,0.05723288365920885,0.0,0.057518655226589326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25698846261015473,0.0,0.06683690704619556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001991859484165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054720435640844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775914176855292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06311562561318998,0.05272910881067562,0.062137497451273574,0.0,0.06396237038594184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0511418545207851,0.13772959753064115,0.10844634629416536,0.0,0.0,0.12130664688322013,0.0,0.0,0.058498791180813324,0.0,0.05988537570004378,0.0,0.0,0.03095491362568883,0.04373592239288941,0.05878126044322709,0.0,0.0,0.0520741081186823,0.0,0.1342501905070422,0.2364939508563472,0.0,0.031985173468249674,0.11745652375483745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689999291432922,0.0,0.08206959313308149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.134580696703945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04324183478563726,0.1196369345926437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10281956708942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05525387245766106,0.0,0.040865145082607496,0.0,0.0,0.06668704897277916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2597810142870973,0.061815231740708965,0.0,0.04886560221886422,0.0,0.04500409614537814,0.09078841883615674,0.04721700748751777,0.0,0.06510867389240106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04148458093362088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797809691654275,0.06629581280857451,0.058441874397461374,0.0,0.10691072166689976,0.12792474077188368,0.0,0.0,0.13803378293578394,0.0,0.06228323624959711,0.0,0.0,0.2146903912928796,0.06154349055249851,0.06858094738657705,0.0,0.06123704607906324,0.0,0.07843881290810431,0.0,0.06044783726754978,0.0,0.0,0.10456390903717552,0.0,0.04868498206955904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055732824753882367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881438337508168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04333217009947832,0.0,0.048890753569598426,0.0,0.07012785179253983,0.0640009369875239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23079830757557016,0.06363151852971251,0.0,0.09841340397577006,0.0,0.05636359178458135,0.3500547654734808,0.07108169462664388,0.08134433182050899,0.0,0.0,0.04860222189086327,0.07139630719327139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274653552820621,0.0,0.0,0.06742570839711645,0.2020532266373484,0.18054712325726274,0.0971879332203898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05524196001421836,0.0,0.0,0.11802871409599415,0.0,0.0,0.06217236808447187,0.0,0.1739570869732649,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Neuronrse28,2019/06/22,"PTSD and n children Apologize in advance for the length...... My son (10) has PTSD (diagnosed) from physical abuse in 2015. He was dealing “ok” until another “Trauma” hit him last year (extreme bullying by best friend) and that seemed to be the point where he started getting angry, getting triggers/flashbacks about abuse and having reactive attachment issues. He’s having a hard time working through everything to be a “normal” kid without outbursts, reading situations wrong and feeling like he will always be like this. He has so many supports set up mds are amazed at what I have been able to get him) but he is scarred to do the work. He freaks out if he is told he has to do something more than 2x (trigger from his abuse). Hence we remain at a standstill while this is affecting every aspect of his life & mine The Psychiatrist won’t go up on his klonopin (.25mg) but added In Atarax BID in addition to his cymbalta. This kids brain is on high alert 24/7 and he totally has a toxic stress level. There is not a lot out there about PTSD in kids and how to help (besides CBT, trauma focused therapy, etc...) I wanted to try Ketamine but he is too young (I found an MD who does it for kids his age near me but for consult only wanted $2300!! - insurance does not cover); MD won’t give him a faster acting benzo to help him calm down fast when he gets worse . We tried SSP listening therapy which he could only get through 1.5 sessions. Inpatient is not appropriate for him but I am at a loss of how to help him and how to get his brain to relax to allow him to heal. Does anyone else have a child with PTSD who can give some insight or suggestions? I’m in eastern part of US. Thanks",4.971451209341119,5.889849232415905,5.398867111481792,82.82914303586324,68.90825688073394,8.514261884904087,30.154156241312204,8.710501217029153,2.2660409785932725,1317,50,257,21,22,421,202,327,0.08900000000000001,0.785,0.126,0.8787,0,0,1,0,3,0,51.0,3,0,0,5,11,16,0,1,13,1,29,5,2,6,1,41,50,21,0,5,11,1,2,2,1,3,3,1,0,6,9,13,0,0,4,2,0,3,6,6,0,0,4,3,23,10,49,38,7,36,0,1,0,0,50,21,0,5,13,157,32,5,0.09271795099356687,0.3295668317274964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714876270684122,0.10045986116437897,0.0,0.0,0.09722285584382713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483054713444067,0.09500049769343734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730176932474983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20700779395248373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740277393400258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558813624280137,0.0,0.09410676856093453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434143111891486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745395074751056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10340502424130396,0.0,0.0,0.07811887260451618,0.0,0.08332891586502551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04688098188506482,0.06623772271572677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10166044760021667,0.07163365894080799,0.0,0.29064781561101205,0.17788701428853318,0.05269374823566318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305707242868161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18644066442138305,0.0979616057934526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677345195736303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07557750495982904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548943078232591,0.09059461498170476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882548630942647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400144964962792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084390608871662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103235952298646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040450562766733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876484327791519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335292921744232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274304178787897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440694034183754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421886164663204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137880846409178,0.0,0.0,0.06562624292992142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620809960187412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521523203007044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08536223222529978,0.2120621148213936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05406458284235958,0.0,0.0,0.0885959755148524,0.0,0.12589880511697046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152827898506004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937489947056438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893767961100015,0.0,0.13499954517756685,0.0,0.0944875131786018,0.0,0.10137252430367548,0.0,0.05970732056242521 ptsd,Fashiiiin,2019/06/22,"Am I overreacting? TW just in case My mother has a new boyfriend and he’s staying over at our house tonight. He just came into my room in the middle of night half naked and just weirdly stared at me. I told him to go back into my mum’s room and he just laughed and left. Obviously he didn’t do anything and was most likely sleepwalking or something but I’m freaking out. I’ve been sexually abused in the past and this just triggered me really really badly. I can’t stop shaking and don’t know what to do. Am I overreacting here? I feel crazy but my mind instantly started panicking.",1.7489743589743585,4.2301038974359,3.3507692307692314,87.0692307692308,82.67521367521368,6.676923076923077,24.384615384615394,7.882392219407189,1.4864666666666664,464,18,94,9,13,153,78,117,0.22,0.764,0.016,-0.9784,0,0,1,0,1,0,9.0,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,3,0,10,0,0,1,1,26,17,10,0,0,8,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,11,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,4,0,1,5,2,13,2,12,12,1,24,0,0,1,0,9,13,0,2,8,59,15,0,0.0,0.2829356164710449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965097368681359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18362029561674395,0.1993856753684729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731203639721768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12074303206628212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357139436309074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275539890599916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123668809191694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594538408103341,0.0,0.0,0.11666424274758275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411170839791673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23063180984286025,0.0,0.2240949820729317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2279589340714656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059591836284308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838377400106992,0.0,0.0,0.16902187701408825,0.2545260268188939,0.0,0.1996451397492787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281809442208226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RottedEden,2019/06/22,"Just got diagnosed one week ago. 20, male. Not related to physical trauma. Psychiatrist noted that my upbringing with an incredibly over-protective mother who never let me leave the house conditioned me to fear everything and live a withdrawn, secluded life as a child for years. I was never abused physically, but I was humiliated and yelled at and never told why I was being punished for my wrongdoing. I was always told how gifted and intelligent I was and how I’ll become a scientist or a doctor one day. Haven’t told anybody in my family as I don’t think they could handle knowing it. I have some members I plan to tell (one of which also has PTSD from combat overseas), but I haven’t gotten there yet. My girlfriend knows. I never thought I’d be diagnosed with PTSD, I thought it was completely normal to feel like an experiment when you leave the house; to look around at every corner of every room; to close your eyes and see anything from creatures to childhood events replaying in my field of view; to always replay the same scenarios 10,000 times in my head everyday; to have constant flashbacks to childhood emotional trauma; to never being able to hold eye contact with anybody; to feel adrenaline swelling up in my chest when I’m around my family. This is just a bit of it, but I won’t allow PTSD to rule my life and by all measures, I’m doing well. I have so much going for me; from a 3.5 GPA in engineering to a brilliant research position at the center of all materials research engineering in the tri-state area. I just feel I could slip off the deep end at any moment and I’ve been taking steps to combat that. I start medical marijuana next week and I’ve been trying different medications without giving up. Thanks for reading.",7.241815709486481,7.475406875379942,7.733370660694287,70.45947368421055,63.832826747720354,10.93847384418493,34.03311470164773,10.65788864234165,3.733968996960487,1398,55,241,33,19,462,187,329,0.08199999999999999,0.846,0.07200000000000001,-0.6329,1,0,0,0,1,0,35.0,0,2,1,1,14,7,1,1,15,0,24,11,4,3,7,48,46,21,0,3,9,1,3,1,1,1,7,1,1,2,8,15,0,1,8,1,0,2,11,4,1,3,15,9,31,3,50,24,6,46,0,0,5,0,14,21,0,2,24,167,39,5,0.09167082314867901,0.10861493530725233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812606536203393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0733091241522424,0.1525549369124636,0.0,0.0,0.062339303267573164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07543727659102277,0.16321293589091534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124322195692123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10008079634332093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611511396099333,0.09906359316716473,0.0,0.1463833859229021,0.0,0.0,0.059120097192915486,0.0,0.0,0.18608791168048255,0.0,0.09577649905024864,0.0,0.09382897191804664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311733748679096,0.08119313996787801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15447324446588906,0.0,0.08238782487723349,0.08967165529124363,0.17283818714048654,0.10315516204815572,0.13905456775205435,0.06548965437411282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793900670012705,0.052098641350342735,0.0,0.07331753156106488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408071158366332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2115516439065211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075977400675087,0.0,0.0,0.1941323309850113,0.0,0.09373962755781408,0.12949962683646446,0.044785733718310634,0.0,0.08094701632761939,0.0,0.07698040355811467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846974201251287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738860279437779,0.0,0.35351095069623706,0.0,0.09749296040143424,0.0,0.08981794312701921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18635556667528572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32147485988541996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091695630575325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304977738801402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06488508045177234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892505043310193,0.0,0.08012433998703304,0.08439817759178983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058738961968068465,0.0,0.14555278769947966,0.0534539941752264,0.0,0.0,0.2627861999561522,0.0,0.1244769429741666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14706560966211682,0.0,0.08242307923393964,0.0,0.08271865940725877,0.0,0.0,0.08836740223437388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05903300456175236 ptsd,VictoriaGraceVGrace,2018/11/10,"perfectly preserved brand new memories I’m recovering from an addiction, and I’ve essentially been drugged constantly since my trauma about 6 years ago, when I was diagnosed with PTSD and put on some heavy medications. It was about a year’s worth of traumatic experience. Now that I’m clean, I’m having all of these extremely vivid new memories come back with no warning. It’s just been so long, this seems excessive. Anyone else go this long from the time of their trauma and still have this issue with new repressed memories surfacing? I feel so isolated by them. I can’t tell anyone about them or anything because I don’t want to dump on anyone, I’m already in therapy, and I can’t go back on medication. Is this normal? 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He use to do it every night while everyone in our home was asleep. I did tell people but no one believed me. My brother caught him raping me one night but didn’t say or do anything. When I did tell someone my dad would beat me everyday until I told them I lied. Now when I’m sleep I wake up to every moment because I think it’s him. I have moments where I feel like I’m getting raped again and it can happen anywhere, at home, in a store, in class. I have nightmares of him raping me almost every night. I have episodes where my body feels dirty like he’s touching me all over so I sleep in the shower or bathtub sometimes because it helps me feel cleaner. I always feel like someone’s following me to rape me. Waking me up abruptly is triggering. Even alarm clocks are triggering. On top of this I also was assaulted by a Janitor in elementary school, a boy at a party, and a nurse who was suppose to come by my home and check on me while I was passed out from being sick. I hallucinate people saying their going to rape me. I don’t trust anyone, sometimes I even think my long time gf will hurt me. I’m losing sleep and my hallucinations are getting worst. I’m also disgusted with my body and over compensate will my sexual past by having a lot of sex with my gf but in recently found out she struggles with being turned on because of my sexual assaults and now I hate myself even more. 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How do you know how you feel about someone when your either feel nothing at all or just panic? He’s been very understanding and never makes me feel bad for being a little messed up at the moment. But he sent that text finally being like “yo we never seem to talk and it’s like your keeping something from me”. And yeah I was keeping things from him. I mentioned the PTSD due to a series of medical crisis but I didn’t mention it is so bad that sometimes I sleep in the closet or hide in my car or depersonalize for no reason. I didn’t tell him my memory seems so garbled I forget random things like what day it is or if I called someone back yet. Or that I have multiple panic attacks a day and avoid going places that remind me of trauma. I don’t feel like myself right now so how can I know if the person I was (and eventually will be again after a shit ton of therapy) actually likes this guy. He seems like everything I’m looking for but I can’t figure out what I feel. I was just wondering if anyone else started dating with PTSD? How did you handle it? ",2.6949600563909795,4.447733933035714,4.337359022556392,84.96421992481206,75.74107142857143,6.6800751879699245,22.057330827067666,7.475848149327749,0.8526732142857143,867,23,173,11,19,291,130,224,0.174,0.7490000000000001,0.078,-0.975,0,1,1,0,0,0,14.0,1,5,1,0,15,15,2,3,8,1,19,3,2,6,3,49,40,25,0,3,14,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,1,2,13,8,0,3,14,0,0,3,7,9,0,0,9,6,29,6,19,27,3,30,0,0,1,0,20,9,1,13,24,125,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.10491911991286697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503539601308831,0.1101618116301924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231382120660995,0.0,0.0826723899363141,0.17954104960361053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10978482453198073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386765466552181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981497717828148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662753938925124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.271814044181462,0.07680872953075989,0.0,0.11777741501521315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06110324585833101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645674246310724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19112852424479546,0.0,0.0,0.11817485224542935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.315158356618182,0.10775826404810153,0.0,0.0,0.09028551230835648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07176708993784861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831004013534556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16584437500969418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316353151540708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522913480794076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938779412342554,0.11233027996955718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37703780543448095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054331515378107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181721304248908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2936328236581669,0.0,0.0,0.1103625910424616,0.0,0.0,0.10759263490847433,0.0,0.18219420233931405,0.08277029113871741,0.1063350731429142,0.0,0.15219932499664504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864164754577724,0.093972839186755,0.0,0.1229527597962699,0.0,0.14285636245498856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119268951327051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871112569772037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659541914642065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GayGermanTortoise,2018/11/10,"DAE check out during sex? My girlfriend is aware and incredibly supportive, especially of my issues with my sexual assault and still asks consent before she touches me during sex even when we’ve been having sex for over a year. Last night I checked out during sex. It was just as consensual as ever, and then halfway through, I apparently stopped her and froze up. I just remember panicking, and then coming to in her arms with tears on my face, feeling scared and embarrassed. I hate that I can’t even have sex like a regular fucking person. I can’t be around lots of people, certain cleaning smells, and now not even sex with my girlfriend? She was more than ok with it, just trying to figure why the fuck my brain freaked out on me. Thanks for letting me vent...",6.3912499999999985,7.094363958333332,6.301388888888893,78.38250000000002,65.66666666666666,9.177777777777775,32.66666666666667,9.150863307647796,2.7849916666666674,606,24,111,10,9,191,96,144,0.162,0.738,0.1,-0.8954,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,11,12,4,2,3,1,10,11,3,0,2,27,18,12,0,0,4,0,3,1,2,0,0,0,1,1,3,16,0,1,3,0,2,1,3,7,0,0,3,4,19,5,23,13,2,20,0,0,0,8,8,9,2,1,11,80,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709907918869805,0.1795676829152327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344485113279048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442338584073886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16545881724142114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3805985669486933,0.17374620711722735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971207767147294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551473797350801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896379787293779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004802894808579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15656980056124442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19641351415936908,0.0,0.09383996472989896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16329846661608982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18025287541933635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316320573798088,0.16771573736204376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21758775647406628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19230431615850369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533943211169973,0.1605864181804432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21796866546082985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17684028709444247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040884862857233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17332117700927754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369240394313155 ptsd,BadGurrrrl1994,2018/11/10,"TW: suicide. I want to kill myself more than ever. Have you guys felt this way... and made it past it? I’m just so tired from fighting and the PTSD/bipolar symptoms in general. My mind and body feel so sick and chaotic everyday. I’ve been fighting so hard for so long and I’m just exhausted. I don’t want to be here anymore. The reasons that I normally would hold on to, that have been keeping me alive are still there but are not having the same effect. I don’t care anymore. Being dead seems so calm and relaxing to me. When I think about it, I imagine how it feels to float in the cool ocean. My mind can finally be at peace instead of on fire. I have already been kind of formulating a plan and what I would say in the note. I’m scared that I feel like this, I don’t want to view death as so enticing and the answer to all of this but I can’t help it. Will this pass? Have you guys felt this way before? I am scared that I will do something irreversible before it passes.",1.2088916256157631,3.2105339655172465,2.6098793103448266,94.42930172413796,81.26600985221675,5.833399014778327,21.480049261083746,6.961326702584282,0.39493714285714265,757,23,171,9,20,245,114,203,0.193,0.667,0.14,-0.9037,0,0,1,0,4,2,25.0,0,2,0,2,16,12,3,2,7,1,24,5,1,4,2,40,40,19,4,6,5,0,7,1,0,4,4,1,0,2,16,8,0,2,11,1,0,2,5,6,0,0,6,10,20,6,21,27,3,17,0,0,1,0,8,6,0,1,8,117,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14775552159681435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655740323927198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22786811603203086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872621394153945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651400726907406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12111492227842592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20310271260462812,0.09565400594850547,0.2571187586070542,0.14667449423119425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2651525142789023,0.0,0.0,0.11994285694656362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974642490928122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190112706376636,0.148134036482928,0.13943015075712725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06541391736513501,0.0,0.0,0.11849210740839633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266938800825142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270389840713424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118783643406287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278171145228993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15651509363658175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13766548398711265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064780004557902,0.2681027999607326,0.0,0.0,0.12189220345337005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030782564600516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10692803939888106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14645846580414976,0.0,0.0,0.139167286727743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579396350767153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389162628232092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369227123675827,0.2125578845433824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19022912198635425,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,musiclovermina,2018/11/10,"[Advice] Moving is a huge trigger for me and I'm about to move again. Help? Like the title says, I have C-PTSD from moving. I've moved so much, I have never experienced stability. It's only getting worse as an adult to the point where I can't even pack because I have terrible breakdowns, leaving so many things behind because I just can't handle the moving stress. Like, I have entire boxes of my belongings spread over 3 US states, including video games, bed spreads, books, and clothes. I'd do things like blindly shove belongings into trash bags and drive them straight to a donation center so I don't have to look at it. But I CANNOT do that this time around. I'd love to face my triggers, but this time is more sensitive in the sense that the person I'm currently living with may threaten violence if they see me crying, which has happened in the past. So I need advice on very low-key, easy moving. Most of my stuff is still in boxes because I never unboxed it in the first place, and my clothes can be easily packed by throwing trash bags over the hangers. It's mostly the little things I have to worry about, like my makeup and little trinkets. But even that can just be shoved into one of my boxes. I guess I'm asking more for emotional help. How the hell can I prevent a breakdown when doing something I HAVE to do, something I have to do strictly alone? How do I handle the flashbacks that have already started? How do I handle seeing all of my belongings packed and thrown in the back of my car? But most importantly, **how do I handle knowing that my life has never been stable, and will not be stable for another few years?** I'm emotionally exhausted and I just want to put my things down without having to pick them back up. I guess it's called C-PTSD",4.164517845267124,5.603354541786743,4.849582132564844,84.06444635335849,71.30547550432277,7.2981157171358895,26.314453557969408,7.748469712250963,1.4703385945466645,1394,45,267,17,26,448,180,347,0.115,0.785,0.1,-0.9033,1,1,2,0,0,0,44.0,1,0,3,1,22,9,1,1,16,0,36,5,1,7,4,43,53,23,0,3,10,0,0,4,0,2,3,1,1,2,18,12,0,1,1,3,1,10,9,4,0,2,1,6,36,5,40,47,8,48,1,0,4,1,13,22,1,7,19,192,54,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733843309800288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188293273802904,0.09790021838931262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09302637228019704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897597331773741,0.08293740486338523,0.0,0.0,0.13643412523212028,0.0,0.16224119526647865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905888683653701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09745026697431962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995869273351199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719205046618952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546171207544833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046350404032717236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19546116483762652,0.0,0.07845119074652841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892881569940747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048755946825053936,0.0,0.0,0.09393734453885164,0.0,0.0,0.0626626744863477,0.17336845964300635,0.17783330690282506,0.07833777839660021,0.0,0.07449902502161558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08006957709099352,0.0,0.0,0.08994401341214768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5657458669000776,0.06521640539283527,0.06578172694177513,0.20526954869587394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0601162000671966,0.06747245113646252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08468937939137845,0.0,0.07746331514520552,0.09268924907415703,0.0,0.08386521530067664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20740831452725125,0.08918399818977514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055045649477737,0.0,0.0,0.1413901965152646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13659569144448405,0.0,0.0,0.06279358133602014,0.0,0.07084864440908434,0.0,0.10162378102333333,0.0,0.10155849770883567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357556478094245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346192707496413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067143225796592,0.0,0.0,0.0731999210513253,0.052326945284357565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855189763351121,0.0,0.0,0.09009531817129714,0.09040909671386413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057130140667904374 ptsd,throwaway101118,2018/11/10,"What is the likelihood that I have PTSD? I am 22, female, and have experienced a lot of bullying that started from around 11 years old. And I mean A LOT of bullying. There got to a point where it was literally impossible to leave me house without getting laughed at. I was threatened, manipulated, physically attacked, insulted and everything. But I don't know if I have PTSD or not. I don't experience true flashbacks however the smallest of things will remind me of my past and I will feel ashamed of myself. My symptoms are that I have completely changed since it started. I used to be happy and felt pretty and confident whereas now I am completely unemployable and I basically never leave my house. I hate myself beyond words and I also question if I have body dysmorphia. I also have bizarre dreams every night. They're not always nightmares though. Just random. Right now I am extremely angry and upset about some things that happened five years ago. I know it was a long time ago but it still hurts me they got away with it. I'm too shy to tell a doctor even though I really want to. I've been to a couple of therapists before but they never suggested PTSD. What could be making me feel like this?",3.5833971291866082,6.101550385964912,4.7026953748006415,79.80538277511963,75.84210526315789,8.005103668261562,27.03030303030303,8.841846274778883,2.4053877192982465,960,38,173,22,22,314,133,228,0.14800000000000002,0.784,0.067,-0.9193,3,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,0,15,10,3,2,8,0,22,3,1,3,3,41,39,19,0,4,10,0,3,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,14,11,0,0,7,1,0,0,7,6,0,1,7,4,30,4,20,27,3,23,0,1,0,0,6,7,0,8,17,129,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19050684789519093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17186534370559495,0.08941215356766719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956587861622726,0.0,0.12224692264906067,0.10095862249797093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09143729841411743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193595966209052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11367439492812703,0.0,0.2253315298366344,0.0,0.0,0.08579501946504557,0.11889822420448275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998595805583933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097379636184681,0.0,0.09053646991578584,0.0,0.0965746897362774,0.10511276758179497,0.0,0.0,0.1086661510733142,0.07676671961591862,0.10317478841715558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614142126571088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1718850539698173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09502314899754907,0.11438910644802926,0.0,0.10609073538597028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.247980018939878,0.11503406787654973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11811021746355573,0.0,0.0,0.2275611676918849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05249766388301113,0.0,0.0,0.0950953417572136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1827108106380429,0.0,0.0,0.07172783750710131,0.0,0.0,0.11705128668644875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657536677669937,0.0,0.0,0.1008403497907068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11275718946634948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257908694359784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10158082717922767,0.0,0.0,0.10932157074437696,0.0,0.0,0.37683158764914576,0.0,0.1203755190464525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688391833082834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176699435869567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888886616859512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15211608080394626,0.0,0.0858146476796046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168811984401496,0.0,0.0,0.0939214415006359,0.0,0.0,0.12476491228901285,0.14277822832026282,0.0,0.21115031120325306,0.0,0.06265856527138132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092807642056118,0.0,0.0,0.0633804416609462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10358392719193787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839651934607358 ptsd,ContessaX,2018/11/10,"Help - fresh after an accident Hello friends. I'm hoping I can find some helpful info here. One of my best friends was at the scene of a horrific traffic accident yesterday morning where she was running between victims trying to help and performing CPR on a woman who later succumbed to her injuries. Nobody else in the vicinity was doing anything to help her, one man even stopped and was taking pictures on his cell phone. Now she's suffering from some major psychological damage and I don't know what to do to help her. She'll be seeing a therapist this morning. What can I do? Any helpful advice is welcomed. ",6.022368421052632,7.499094701754387,6.632412280701757,72.89230263157896,66.89473684210526,8.857894736842105,36.17982456140351,9.188382445141503,3.642161403508773,492,25,78,9,8,161,80,114,0.15,0.605,0.244,0.9042,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,8,1,0,6,0,13,0,0,0,0,10,18,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,4,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,2,4,1,11,5,14,12,4,11,0,2,1,0,22,5,0,3,5,59,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17676610185375227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301313398380925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14885915187140364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18983556627912093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15111251010898935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947782023937704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16533250940743008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795142638010537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7274907610315401,0.0,0.0,0.1796671135848145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941381223711987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451549406817536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414793849634613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123426783817767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13600868183232176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2100301875730244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12281416427011214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ChooseYourClass,2018/11/10,"[TRIGGER WARNING] Flashbacks and Hypothetical Scenarios Hey, guys. This is my first post here, so I'm sorry if I'm breaking any rules. I have very unpleasant flashbacks of the physical and mental abuse I've experienced in childhood, but most of the time they extend towards vivid scenarios that haven't even happened. One trigger sets off a cascade of reactions where I start from a flashback of a painful memory to a vivid and hypothetical mental simulation dealing with a similar premise as the memory. I experience more or less the same symptoms as a flashback i.e. blood pressure spikes, visual and auditory hallucinations, soliloquy (where I speak out whatever I would speak in that situation, as well as what others would say), and profuse sweating. Have any of you experienced similar problems? Thank you. ",8.796884057971017,10.433224920289854,8.774057971014493,59.46731884057971,60.66666666666667,11.930434782608698,42.869565217391305,11.645159339076185,5.837139130434784,661,38,94,20,9,215,92,138,0.11800000000000001,0.825,0.057999999999999996,-0.8093,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,0,2,1,1,6,5,0,1,10,0,6,4,2,2,0,17,11,13,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,0,7,9,2,17,9,4,14,0,0,2,0,9,7,0,3,4,67,14,0,0.0,0.2364582101294793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27142933943053965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20574824978996675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318143224789445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19521807981134368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16975442294520046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976060056609215,0.1764793860126803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4022399116025283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352340222795634,0.0,0.2123569046237838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113321227998084,0.0,0.0,0.19096185572052685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15870633863723202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243254154933068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.223402648263746,0.14125690858565482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20742998967010454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18373754912333887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637106583169585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646664250776361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17943769642623245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28353807662987457,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Oregonfarms,2018/11/10,"Anger My husband is working nights. My 12-year-olds anger has been scaring me. Skateboarding makes him angry, video games make him angry. Oxygen makes him angry lol. Literally anything. His anger, is physically making me sick. My knees get weak, feel dizzy, heart races. He kicked a new hole in the hallway tonight. I'm embarrassed to talk to my friends or family about him, like I should be able to control him. Is this my problem that my body just over reacts? Is his behavior normal (ish) for a 12 year old? Thanks ♡",2.538437500000001,5.4289043020833345,2.7716666666666683,89.44000000000004,84.10416666666666,5.7,23.625,7.1686216300943375,1.1097875000000004,407,15,76,6,12,124,73,96,0.306,0.602,0.092,-0.9782,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,2,10,3,2,3,1,8,5,3,6,0,12,16,1,0,3,2,1,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,7,0,0,1,1,16,3,7,13,0,7,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,1,6,38,18,1,0.18988851938838774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562620719062238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21092333773807592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129761210426124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17900999643392546,0.0,0.09601334091438724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14670739904062982,0.0,0.09920891402081992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2250188097528138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276993893356517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5070082448010679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339551529556444,0.0,0.17819751204492346,0.18605043185047335,0.0,0.0,0.3985121168219758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18169766804998194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19011153422781768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526251990351121,0.0,0.17482383632565995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382411036760971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24456396149292425 ptsd,shadowspawn,2019/01/23,"The spiral, or perpetual circle of intensifying PTSD because you know it's PTSD, anxiety because you know you are suffering from anxiety. I'm in a panic, I start to further panic because I'm in a panic. The more I try to hide it the worse it becomes obvious. The more I tried to write or draw not looking like chicken scratch the more it looks like chicken scratch. The more I tried not to think about something the more I thought of it. If I wake, the more I try to have the images go away and sleep the worse I sleep. There are only a few things that helped me. A regimen, a hobby I would pour myself into by myself (coding, drawing, creating) during those periods of intense effects until I could get through the time until the next does of meds and the next session. Might help, I dunno. Someone gave me an small sand game timer and said ""just breathe 20 deep breaths until it runs out. Time it until you reach 20."" Just saw the same advice on a streaming show. It sorta works too.",4.2784529977794215,5.541906886010366,5.010262768319767,83.69534974093266,70.81347150259067,7.37957068837898,29.32975573649149,7.7094869923839395,1.8238574389341224,771,30,149,9,14,249,111,193,0.149,0.8240000000000001,0.026000000000000002,-0.9708,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,4,0,2,5,6,0,3,21,0,6,5,5,1,1,25,20,10,0,3,7,0,3,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,11,5,0,0,5,2,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,7,19,2,23,13,8,21,0,1,3,0,10,9,0,6,12,100,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123518902587554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898192513553392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11656344654402875,0.0,0.0,0.2268871917633795,0.13702039206758884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09905605799404343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10857039239927004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481900599171718,0.0,0.07050917706915832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16631672966574998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13636610404320335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12122409134171268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083672343328264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780859540270915,0.0,0.0,0.13161369234346065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638897379958621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435726194324216,0.0,0.4366917440685081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29005142592897737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11801452434642018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2483098251012008,0.0,0.10512013799971676,0.09551154004971578,0.0,0.0,0.08781406785554306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242348188137462,0.07949604371473401,0.0,0.09849400113717846,0.14468696467571127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3369288175548669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09032102624973858,0.0,0.2528663084561313,0.08813243950368642,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Blue-Princess,2019/01/23,"Tonight I had a very public meltdown at a concert... PTSD has ruined my life. Quite literally. The life that I once had is gone forever and I’ve spent 3 years now fighting a horrific battle to try and win back the me I used to be. But tonight I think I’ve proven to myself that I’m never, ever going to be me again. And that breaks my fucking heart. My favourite artist playing live and my best friend by my side, and still I was unable to smile, to dance, to sing, to endure more than 40 mins of a 3 hour concert. I say endure... I never would have used that word in the past to refer to a concert. Ever. I was out at a gig probably once a week. I adored dancing and loud music and big crowds. But tonight instead I stood frozen in place, unable to move, to feel a thing, I hated every moment. Tears streaming down my face. Panic attack. I had to leave. Only like 6 songs in or something and boom I bolted. I legit adored the person I used to be, the life I used to lead. Now I’m just this broken abstract entity living in the carcass of a once awesome human. And that realisation kills me. I used to be strong and beautiful and brave and a force to be reckoned with. Now I’m just a hollow black hole of shame and weakness and exhaustion and terror and pain and loneliness and... and nothing. Rest In Peace, old me.",2.0375561797752795,3.8919077790262193,3.5097986891385773,89.71391151685394,77.95131086142321,5.798314606741574,21.986423220973787,6.6274283507984215,0.4496692883895128,1015,29,212,9,24,334,146,267,0.185,0.685,0.131,-0.9309999999999999,0,0,1,0,2,0,40.0,0,0,0,5,11,22,6,3,17,0,14,9,2,6,4,42,30,22,1,1,5,0,1,1,1,1,6,7,0,2,7,21,0,0,4,9,1,6,2,13,0,0,8,9,28,9,32,16,3,39,0,1,1,1,7,12,1,1,21,136,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420298513138185,0.0,0.09070832231345073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379769776988787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134134129879888,0.09939116881360092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059646989636873836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911399877026663,0.10905736545354727,0.0,0.0,0.06704261149321053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646668132868647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397898925879016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161724272752098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051154106689394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249086166852012,0.0,0.0,0.2499679342536936,0.057632070017413724,0.0,0.20833170411080032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12537884334281205,0.0,0.0,0.181964801475326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319124649598328,0.0,0.12378513171124947,0.3768887809484895,0.0,0.08971821140132044,0.12552379515634274,0.1384073022209173,0.0,0.0,0.1126115846646072,0.0,0.10300307706309048,0.12324902242318116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12718694945550593,0.0,0.1378955610454431,0.0,0.0,0.1254710158023981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381103937452052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09081573972123724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420754025573208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0783711525702627,0.07558764114899083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08009094970021394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5094223370632845,0.0,0.09733403605214108,0.0,0.0,0.09462494872262713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08379943075777356,0.0,0.0,0.07596602689686939 ptsd,madethisjusttoconfes,2019/01/23,"How do i get over this? i always hate seeing a certain movie playing or just get,,triggered seeing it? it's because when i was watching it when i was younger my dad choked my mom and used that to make me look away. is this dumb? how do i get over this fear?",0.5144444444444431,2.6889463703703704,1.4681481481481493,100.56666666666668,85.2962962962963,3.6,20.11111111111111,3.1291,-0.7146444444444446,200,6,46,0,6,62,38,54,0.255,0.68,0.065,-0.9258,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,5,2,1,1,0,5,0,0,4,1,8,13,6,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,4,8,2,4,11,0,5,0,0,4,0,2,3,1,1,2,32,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2357941236763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662440056480627,0.0,0.0,0.17274527751861166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31888028706391075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4441616726949283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797782066794453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2379670847053473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18915775891007053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3318901931051023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516329288992893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24474856891266605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mentallydivergent_,2019/01/23,"stopped taking my meds a month ago i was on sertraline 175 mg and I’m wondering if I should get on them again and gain even more weight or stay hopeless and unmotivated im afraid of trying new meds and experiencing other adverse affects idk idk ",4.096875000000002,6.110471604166667,5.315000000000001,78.33000000000001,72.54166666666666,8.133333333333335,28.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.316816666666667,199,8,38,4,4,66,39,48,0.242,0.6920000000000001,0.065,-0.7351,0,0,0,0,0,1,0.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,1,0,10,6,6,0,2,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,3,4,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,3,5,20,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23130251101328864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234464268363328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632740086863376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818538180380923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5796783625780739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20827526694488965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25201197067796954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2781212429073296,0.0,0.21815275671979004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619011817674653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17715725994342832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31774767845772633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829721151154113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,serial_skeleton,2019/01/23,"*Trigger Warning* Child abuse, animal abuse. I need help, at the end of my rope I don’t feel like I can keep going on like this. Not suicidal. But I’ve been out of the mental ward for 2 months now after I had a breakdown. And now I just feel like I need to stay somewhere like that. I constantly have heart palpitations and PVC arrythmias. I was horribly abused as a child. I remember some of the hitting and being yelled at, ect. But that isn’t the worst of it. I was made to kill kittens as a kid. My mom would tell me to put them in a freezer and I’d come to her proud of what I had done only for her to parade me in front of my grandma and say what a bad kid I was for killing kittens. I didn’t remember much of this for a long time and now that I remember everything, I just want to give up. I can’t even tell this to anyone except my wife and counselor because it is so disturbing that I don’t want to tell anyone else. I skipped work today because I just couldn’t go in like this. I have a wife and kid, neither know I skipped. But I just had to calm down today. I can’t keep up at work like I’ve been since I got out of the hospital. I’m on meds and I do counseling. But I guess that isn’t enough. I just don’t know what to do anymore.",0.6574907749077497,2.2770377306273097,2.745349077490776,94.68701254612549,81.28782287822878,6.254819188191882,21.541107011070107,7.24861992348623,0.4421343468634689,959,29,233,13,25,324,125,271,0.135,0.7559999999999999,0.11,-0.9294,0,0,0,0,3,0,27.0,0,0,1,3,10,13,2,1,12,0,26,1,1,2,0,42,45,16,3,6,11,3,2,6,0,1,0,2,0,5,14,12,0,2,7,0,0,5,11,5,0,0,12,4,36,8,39,29,5,30,0,0,0,0,17,13,0,2,17,156,50,2,0.0,0.3692061711160679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301092728662296,0.1452563533375109,0.106426881077998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08672694126947986,0.12663612748454728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08947463225551157,0.0,0.1122463493833664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629486444191197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676988653077193,0.0,0.09199780933635444,0.1073252657286828,0.0,0.0686050208393567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09335147535483074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503937989887477,0.1484092064673686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09964137333310873,0.11806319783982132,0.0,0.0830741647907139,0.0,0.1144242910131438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308620873371096,0.06962173498117781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18464849496755295,0.229833080039269,0.0,0.11416824723756885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30447321484814577,0.0,0.0,0.09192150113709407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828411272937213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11537592792424405,0.0,0.10467632423752916,0.0,0.0,0.1216510500566376,0.08290788043412539,0.0,0.07635625169531816,0.1540362756598875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07899766064140949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441783431567964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35299269301699865,0.0,0.0,0.08260143104922849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08592216886345763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11071138254381674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361669840635515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2723603406486518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06056731352358859,0.0,0.19691284343923005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12253019406735027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15123689758510855,0.0,0.0,0.07378612312425634,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cuttingmat,2019/10/11,"What to do when my trigger is being (mis)judged about my mental health Pardon for the unclear title. When I was in music conservatory last year, I was physically attacked by a guest faculty member (also a traumatic experience), made an enraged response, and the principal took over my complaint by accusing me of being mentally ill, ‘in denial’, and ‘a threat to other students’. He threatened to expel me if I don’t see a psychiatrist or take leave for reason other than mental health. I was too helpless and decided to quit the programme myself. Now I’m on a different master’s programme in a university, and I had difficulty managing anxieties (arisen from the escalating situation of Hongkong) during my dissertation semester. I applied for an extension which requires a doctor’s note, and I had a meltdown in front of my dissertation advisors when I said seeing a doctor is overbearing for me because the situation brings me back to my memory of the accusation I faced. Before meeting them I wrote a list of my thoughts, which I read to them, entailing that I know it’s normal to see a doctor for mental health condition, but I can’t stop it from triggering my past traumatic experience. I recently started working on these with a counsellor at the university, but I honestly don’t know what else I can do. My emotions have been heavily desensitised coming from a family with once-over-demanding parents, and out of a toxic relationship with a controlling partner. I don’t feel suicidal and keep a fairly routine life (eating and sleeping fine), but I definitely lost my energy for academic work (extended my degree for a year) and worrying about the impossibility of following my plans for further studies. What options do I have in this nearly ironic situation that my trigger is my own mental health?",12.281261347348304,9.62835164596273,12.576211180124226,49.01410654562829,55.83229813664597,16.243096034400384,48.682274247491634,14.44419872828201,7.279769421882468,1458,77,212,51,13,505,177,322,0.15,0.812,0.038,-0.9768,2,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,2,8,9,7,3,0,26,0,21,12,2,6,0,37,40,18,1,2,5,1,1,0,2,0,9,1,0,1,13,14,1,4,6,1,0,5,4,5,0,0,12,5,40,2,44,26,1,29,0,2,3,0,10,12,0,4,12,166,53,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570136922358578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07241636415605295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769197824729812,0.0,0.07278942911639287,0.0,0.05770523057686323,0.0,0.08055060477942022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08154314866765601,0.0,0.0,0.10617176561352164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890190615956918,0.0,0.2906724802339727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686311689252647,0.07907816527313566,0.10648229301211602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851956946585591,0.08923914704999901,0.0,0.047864079209583625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40248619173499856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414015960077117,0.0,0.0,0.10404779682171107,0.07716237029183022,0.0,0.10023365737948306,0.0,0.0,0.06686274852435202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333503104983403,0.0,0.0,0.08957171227117472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4769864292322261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274890887307824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511122901761126,0.0,0.09036583138759707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068495787355312,0.09468786957482524,0.0,0.0,0.0973285616742867,0.09346755432781928,0.10163183296003384,0.0,0.0,0.0900454796839905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22630067813659635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31921301442981515,0.09473061657161884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06700242963182966,0.0,0.0,0.0791418818894839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10354514006630028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07117423311121249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515125470792755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051732457422232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783049466579853,0.09613411255565506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191877413311435 ptsd,breadandbunny,2019/10/11,"Do you ever have illusions? I'm asking because I remember talking to someone about the characteristics of PTSD and they mentioned that sometimes people who suffer from this unfortunately can convince themselves of something that isn't true. Growing up with my mom (who was in a fire when she was a child and other traumatic events), I noticed that she would sometimes convince herself that certain things happened or were true that never were. As far as I know, she has never had a formal diagnosis of PTSD, but an anxiety disorder that was contributed to due to a parathyroid issue.",10.545145631067962,9.821652058252427,9.743029126213596,61.90075728155343,57.54368932038835,11.735145631067965,44.87184466019418,10.793553405168565,5.217572427184465,474,25,69,9,5,151,75,103,0.168,0.7879999999999999,0.044000000000000004,-0.8733,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,0,3,6,0,0,6,0,12,0,0,0,6,14,16,7,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,11,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,6,1,10,5,13,9,0,10,0,1,0,0,13,3,0,1,6,60,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523061811904105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18612578959288906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136570796256314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281786972359379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18009170393833876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17605795414327308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078021588943177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10941672355326304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331762050496156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071067623695927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266695649486753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802654470070852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4654599016342941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255344186771001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869149646970708,0.1532721030213671,0.3938176382207155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16002402247092518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226904727665345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414304945779547,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KLWK,2019/10/11,"Does anyone else here have PTSD from childbirth? I get poo-poohed in real life if I mention this because ""no one gets PTSD from childbirth"".",5.1780769230769215,7.025692192307695,4.003076923076924,89.51692307692308,69.38461538461539,5.2,28.384615384615394,3.1291,0.7786,111,4,20,0,2,32,22,26,0.091,0.909,0.0,-0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20030831748289485,0.29352505406977913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17463105087072614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25069412121647777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23931111555273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2993402415911024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023440842742994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19412126201695512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6697423277558324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32606855963311765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Soalone497,2019/10/11,"I was doing so good for 3 months but this week I had 2 attacks. Hi my name is Don and I'm 22 years old. I've recently been diagnosed with ptsd and didn't know I was struggling with it for 2 years, till I went to the doctors cause of my attacks. When I get triggered I blackout and when I wake up from it I'm bruised, my nose had even been broken once. Since I started getting help I've been so good I but then this last Monday someone threatened me with my trigger just cause they were mad at me. I ended up having an attack because of that and then my abuser came back into my life and I ended up having another attack last night. My whole face is messed up, my knee dislocated and my back is killing me. I hate feeling like I failed. I hate how this makes my family sad. If there is anyone that would to talk to me I would appreciate cause my next appointment to my therapist is on the 22nd.",1.370273321449794,3.3299169037433174,2.975035650623888,92.23680184194893,80.49732620320856,5.866785502079622,22.153594771241828,6.937597516519254,0.5227708853238262,699,22,154,8,18,230,108,187,0.27,0.63,0.1,-0.9926,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,0,1,1,10,15,8,1,3,0,19,7,4,7,0,27,31,17,1,3,4,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,0,7,11,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,12,0,0,11,2,32,3,20,18,1,30,0,2,0,0,5,7,0,1,22,103,39,2,0.0,0.13518938124130794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964339058465348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0797811009078186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192191175336284,0.0,0.17547111570744267,0.0,0.06955406378642036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13049955841659844,0.0,0.35163519181720576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580870331233277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167857865976358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20211677744402126,0.0,0.0,0.07536171691781376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075629585760643,0.0,0.057692191594092126,0.08151278484398522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192246748425207,0.0,0.0,0.1914026804513448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252994873487739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647856408737698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623431422625772,0.0,0.06270616220252515,0.1860128231544132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059192952367827,0.05574330650466382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616237629135689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107322086765066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134623065206755,0.10707475553478787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972834804676362,0.12151236182813265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337633929626572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265960071017254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438437723114616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667623007068822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076029188116536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928168702177995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170894524617768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247844251226956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152382550270588,0.0,0.0,0.10577148244383912,0.0,0.12738814086728575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210617984866718,0.0,0.0,0.14695281706779675 ptsd,blackalma,2019/10/11,"Got triggered by the news and can't stop being depressed since (sexual assault) Not sure this is the right place to talk about this, I've never really used reddit before. Hopefully someone can help or at least understand what I'm struggling with. I've been through major trauma 8 years ago, as I was walking home from school a man attacked me. He had a gun, started taking my clothes off and I just couldn't move, it's like I was not even there in control of my body. I just kept thinking he would kill me after he finished what he wanted. He eventually let me go and I called the police as soon as I ran out of sight. They arrested him. What followed was a series of exams, questions by the police, having to identify him, working with a lawyer, going to court and many things that make me understand why so many victims don't even report their abuse to the police. To be fair, they were extremely professional and did their best to not make things worse. I've had to take a lot of medication to prevent STDs and they made me throw up twice a day for 6 months. At one point I'd feel sick just by looking at the pills. My family and I have been through so much because of that, it was also right after my grandfather committed suicide (he was schizophrenic). I couldn't stay home anymore, we had to move to my grandpa's apartment for a few months so I could breathe. I kept going to school and trying my best to not let that control my life, and I think on the outside it looked like I was ok, but I just felt like a ghost. I couldn't hold memories for a while and if you ask me about my last year in high school it's pretty confusing, I just remember parts and not in order. Depression, anxiety, fear or strangers, panic attacks and dissociation would come and go. Sometimes I'd just not feel anything, and sometimes I'd be angry at people for not understanding me. I started doing therapy and slowly healing but still found it hard to deal with my emotions. Eventually, I went to this Buddhist temple and started meditating, which really helped me and brought me back to reality. I stopped having panick attacks and was able to not think about it so much. Going to college also helped, cause it felt like a new stage of life and I quit therapy because I felt no need to keep going. Now, I've been doing pretty well in my life and most of the time don't even think about what happened. But the other day I read on the news about a 3 year old who was sexually abused, she was found with her diaper full of blood. Just typing this makes my eyes well up. I can't stop thinking about that, about how fucked up the world is, and keep having flashbacks of what happened to me. It's making me depressed, affecting my relationships, my sex life and daily life. I'm living far from my family, and I don't wanna tell them what's going on because they will just feel upset and powerless. I try to forgive myself for not doing anything like running or kicking him, or just paying more attention because I didn't even see him approach me.. I guess now I'm just having a mix of emotions, I don't wanna live in the past but I'm not feeling connected to the present no matter how hard I try. I feel very lonely because the people who love me can't really understand my feelings and I know they hurt too, but in a different way. I feel helpless. I'm not even sure this is just PTSD or something else, if there is anything I can or should do... Thank you for reading. Any advice, comfort words or even just a ""I understand"" is welcome.",5.258185736677118,5.77210721408046,5.820757575757575,81.50454545454545,68.09482758620689,8.626123301985372,30.0423197492163,8.575989854853784,2.1708775862068963,2775,99,544,40,44,899,305,696,0.14400000000000002,0.768,0.08800000000000001,-0.9894,3,2,1,1,2,2,76.0,1,2,8,6,43,37,7,5,28,1,54,17,4,13,4,142,123,51,3,14,37,1,12,5,0,4,10,0,2,1,29,32,0,11,27,2,1,18,25,19,2,2,30,17,79,18,80,80,12,79,0,6,5,3,40,27,1,15,35,373,108,13,0.05369324976473923,0.12723544197208034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05246842224778312,0.0475958262511327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08587694487605024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0365132510600115,0.0,0.04107518910513813,0.0,0.053249275960017536,0.0,0.0,0.13255490878501633,0.0,0.05019594047409825,0.18325146904980824,0.0,0.04128679478257095,0.0,0.16365453346929304,0.0,0.04568900085508334,0.0,0.11269550603566135,0.0,0.0,0.059641096211925725,0.0,0.0,0.05482681127501145,0.0,0.0,0.055157757994738967,0.0,0.046251980347074666,0.0,0.0,0.12044309048170533,0.0428696908776468,0.0,0.0,0.06925540833306269,0.0553553828447607,0.1387377520346409,0.0,0.0,0.05609801797848714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044853820411113764,0.1207953581429788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127833104590678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10123443460268106,0.06041983359733352,0.19004244267886772,0.0,0.15466182000035952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177437539484096,0.0,0.04963854420600141,0.0,0.0,0.2136057784190939,0.0,0.04294339680857482,0.0,0.05914916804636405,0.0,0.09496152688455688,0.0,0.09619721072029863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796836053652464,0.05672986634042125,0.10771741478804904,0.053329512167484334,0.0,0.0,0.0574797343833589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545005489340913,0.05940362554789429,0.0,0.029508405870909405,0.043767164900845125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980997142683288,0.18962565103439372,0.13115904842123194,0.0,0.09482424649640388,0.0,0.09017761362374836,0.0,0.0,0.04564808086119944,0.048460254237109514,0.050805851175862976,0.1433626446115233,0.10887305554531136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05409030032160465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08571487939746343,0.11413485429226584,0.07894143320316573,0.039812864355856736,0.04141154430241853,0.051857275206601945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056342033451301426,0.0,0.03638393563281325,0.0,0.0,0.06299745974198143,0.0,0.0581445571262199,0.051256282418292685,0.07444827755247224,0.0,0.05609801797848714,0.0,0.05075747621973968,0.0,0.0,0.10925067616494064,0.0,0.0,0.06276453565789812,0.0,0.0601487280139865,0.057109380357552524,0.10741555984134596,0.0,0.10319181208058738,0.0,0.0,0.05764645610955145,0.060823985109952676,0.09170748384830972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302130592313513,0.042786568374015496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04441561105612561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04549411628448225,0.04133568688373927,0.10620799390033717,0.0,0.11401307562336692,0.0572298601350066,0.04287949862051897,0.13466988308368455,0.0,0.056131842708494264,0.0,0.05873170047554506,0.0,0.10121050493951368,0.0,0.08074128323140553,0.043156600296744715,0.04693026692016393,0.0494335304677592,0.1228058210381927,0.0,0.0713428186194595,0.17202233205421294,0.0,0.0,0.0313089657274961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093625762183326,0.0,0.0,0.2794828329962493,0.0,0.046373728345035684,0.0,0.0443025542679253,0.031669669855375296,0.04261920244819234,0.0,0.0,0.09655335967713706,0.04977418046156374,0.04844980646191943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03908932531224847,0.0,0.0547180086529281,0.07628428819655109,0.0,0.0,0.10373007733844604 ptsd,Infernodred,2019/10/11,"It feels normal to me. Since 3 years ago, I have always been thinking and relieving my own tramautic experience over and over again, till the point that I think it is becoming a part of me and that it is normal to think and feel this way.",8.919374999999997,5.873312187500005,8.765833333333337,74.96250000000003,62.54166666666666,12.933333333333335,34.416666666666664,11.20814326018867,3.376341666666667,187,5,40,4,2,61,35,48,0.0,0.945,0.055,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,11,9,5,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,5,1,6,8,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,30,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215558735592121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20796929884004445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760380268095761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444883352080164,0.0,0.0,0.2527533712658021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4897743733091888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2706596179009832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362731749668435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2067521520749295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4804525234906327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19838997182198195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095254359645392 ptsd,audropody,2019/10/11,"Purposefully Triggering PTSD In my recovery process, I often find myself poking at it like what you do with a bruise. I see what hurts the most to relive and what doesnt, if that makes any sense at all. I tend to especially prod the parts that make me relive the worst of it. I don't know why I do this, is it normal? Does anyone else do this?",3.3822535211267564,4.227137084507047,4.573352112676059,87.56566197183098,72.52112676056338,7.933521126760564,21.242253521126766,8.238735603445708,0.7393808450704227,267,5,60,4,5,88,52,71,0.10800000000000001,0.856,0.036000000000000004,-0.7236,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,6,0,0,3,1,12,11,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,9,1,7,11,4,3,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,3,1,43,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906905753173584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19607141244616255,0.2873164362968224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24539145980826155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23424922654296404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2562925625625877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30018810433058724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15410774797822285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699571347626868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3743559445728079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27474537492340234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30366014332026425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3277879965950005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22345299589145756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2530292756745604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BaluDaBare,2019/10/11,"Is emotion shielding a positive or negative trait to deal with PTSD? Going to try and condense as much as possible. But I find myself feeling super down/triggered by things that happen around me in a public setting often. BUT I never let it show. Everyone knows me as the “Carefree, jokester” that gets along with everyone. I mean they aren’t wrong, but sometimes I feel as if I should show my true emotions more? My traumatic incident effects me to this day, and it has been years passed. The only person I feel comfortable talking about it to, is one of my best friends, and my fiancé. Other than that, I feel as if I shouldn’t be putting the burdens or bad energy into someone’s life who might not be prepared for it. What say you?",4.320154738878145,6.035888546099295,4.89136041263701,82.82454545454549,71.34042553191489,7.68046421663443,30.54867827208253,8.296473431620573,2.34465390070922,579,25,106,9,11,185,99,141,0.12300000000000001,0.6859999999999999,0.191,0.8757,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,1,3,3,8,0,0,5,0,11,1,0,1,2,30,20,15,0,4,8,0,4,0,1,3,1,1,0,1,12,8,0,0,8,2,0,3,5,3,0,1,1,5,18,5,20,13,3,10,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,6,3,84,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854885125110262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13932870393752514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17511879473226746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10761674588993116,0.17203468473091085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3754104892267348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189010962073853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33749606407165594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525153075631792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12892263011280922,0.0,0.08718220219184351,0.0,0.09483553839763237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14756176815690558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170687727244464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706349305514155,0.11786455956444812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.181769337374188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1770217139486667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226679671911822,0.0,0.12869971450230902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307480093515808,0.12691144770186175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457036361252165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18811980471449194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950610139301113,0.16774950563472282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13270098268211275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413876221226979,0.0,0.16503777778746195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412303816829474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11086039584834098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11329314545521073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18244513330254167,0.0,0.10745821053559668 ptsd,salmonallard,2019/10/11,"Do I have PTSD? I served in Afghanistan and saw a few things you wouldn't normally see outside of a LiveLeak video. These things never really affected me until I had my first child approximately 8 years later. My whole life I have been a big fan of nature. I enjoy hiking, camping and hunting and by myself I still do. I want to make sure my child can enjoy these things the same why I did and still do but almost any time I'm in public or in the woods with him my imagination runs wild. I'm never seeing things that genuinely happened to me but those moments where your mind plays through a scenario so in depth that sometimes you can't help but verbally or physically respond accidentally are disturbing. When I'm by myself and my mind says there's danger, I can just kind of employ the built in fatalism and say if today's the day there's nothing I can do about it and move on. It's not the same experience as before I served but still enjoyable. When I'm with my child it becomes a hellscape of animal attacks and torn flesh that makes the experience extremely anxiety provoking for me. I decided a long time ago especially after the Chris Kyle murder that I didn't want to be diagnosed by a psychiatrist because I don't want to be labeled as dangerous, but I do sort of want to know if this is PTSD or just normal parental anxiety.",7.831459790209787,6.595733049242426,8.242121212121212,72.14087412587413,63.20454545454545,11.759440559440561,35.45920745920746,10.891193690592663,3.6930976689976687,1071,40,206,24,13,356,148,264,0.155,0.768,0.077,-0.9816,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,1,12,12,4,1,14,0,21,3,1,4,3,46,36,24,2,9,13,1,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,15,10,0,0,3,2,0,2,7,6,0,1,5,5,30,6,28,28,4,30,0,0,3,0,13,9,0,7,19,145,45,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10642558984603133,0.0,0.12022234505066758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08164464381297454,0.0,0.18369052805118904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658512534883924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318721672588717,0.13259639363743805,0.10216187528338908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07742850857325484,0.0,0.0,0.12185796496506725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23488264939212655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021226329188681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616830620865852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0804734179434144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502359628401427,0.06598161535546176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480164481141993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10624896637510188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16028142818830918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242451938128784,0.0,0.0,0.12760435259547742,0.0,0.0,0.18519472718325025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23526583039095186,0.1152004225234632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331197573484238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806864910195821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769132529255194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19095242269804855,0.0,0.0,0.19134391123565306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11874201256184813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876392506926308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315475048136255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31904904908226955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001543443900838,0.0,0.11380246091824132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2832570466833472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833511332336887,0.13404225384429844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731444494922736 ptsd,soapyhobo,2019/10/11,In a dark hole and can't get out I've been recently diagnosed with ptsd it's been effecting me and my loved ones for years undiagnosed. I am a firefighter paramedic. And recently everything came to a head I couldn't make myself go to work anymore my wife is on the verge of leaving me and I don't know what to do guys. Any advice would be great.,3.759583333333332,4.602288013888892,5.103777777777778,84.119,71.6388888888889,9.648888888888887,28.288888888888888,9.888512548439397,2.4903188888888894,275,10,60,7,5,92,55,72,0.0,0.8809999999999999,0.11900000000000001,0.8402,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,4,0,10,3,1,2,0,12,16,4,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,0,8,2,9,10,0,9,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,38,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272183185150327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1549941434208689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22603645732995944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26068098533918826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313350884601371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20484076137882815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907935203687085,0.0,0.1295327965862553,0.0,0.0,0.2512837844276001,0.0,0.2256776931078353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2339127731624933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525945948116027,0.0,0.0,0.2413355040412357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057076644063684,0.0,0.1521390841340937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15444521574974054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266427534089358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45008912026037795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1659292535664375,0.0,0.0,0.16190858883070125,0.0,0.0,0.14677369646459398 ptsd,nobokeisbebsiok,2019/10/11,"PTSD from a lost loved one... It was October 23, 2014 and I was in the cafeteria at my college, eating, when my mother called me and told me my father died of a liver failure due to his excessive drinking. I swear my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. I didn't absorb the thought until I was packing to go home, my mother was picking me up and I was dropping out. Mind you I had severe depression and bulimia already so his death was the final nail on my coffin. I began to sob uncontrollably while packing and texted my roommate that I was leaving and I wished her well. A 2 hour drive later we finally get to the hospital so I can see him for one last time. My eyes started to water when I stood next to him. I grabbed his hand and began to sob. I laid my head on his cold, still chest and fucking sobbed like I've never before. My brother, sister, and sister in law were two rooms over and they could hear my screaming cries. They cried, my mom cried next to me while running my back, I swear even the doctors had looked away. I fucking screamed and stuttered out, ""He's so cold"" repeatedly. His body was yellow from the hepatitis c in his system and he was cold. That's all I could think of. It's been 5 years since then and it doesn't feel any better. Everyday feels like the first day. I can't listen to the music we used to jam to or watch our favorite movies. I stay away from any hospital because they trigger me. He was my best friend, my biggest supporter, and the best person I've ever met. Each year I feel more and more hollow inside. I really did lose my other half and I'll never get that back. It hurts so bad, I will never be the same again. Sometimes I can't cope with it and I think of suicide just to see him again. I'm just not sure how long I can keep holding on.",1.6560287267080724,3.6423417690217437,3.0681801242236046,91.79234782608698,79.67934782608695,5.727453416149068,22.199068322981372,6.742157984588678,0.4866570496894407,1393,43,298,14,35,454,201,368,0.17,0.75,0.08,-0.9834,0,0,1,0,0,1,42.0,3,1,3,6,17,24,2,1,14,0,25,16,8,4,6,51,54,29,4,3,4,7,5,2,1,1,1,4,2,1,9,23,4,2,6,1,0,3,8,14,1,5,23,18,63,10,36,27,7,56,0,7,6,3,35,15,5,1,36,201,72,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082869269876271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346110431942013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1843893791143612,0.15090908274464282,0.0819329619343386,0.059818049967102764,0.0,0.08349988473155194,0.0,0.20595901831139912,0.08678643316302959,0.0,0.10899832707558807,0.0,0.0,0.10019988040847383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15669479217173582,0.0,0.3233677141395908,0.06328458167852344,0.0,0.08451768905716289,0.0,0.10184159624875633,0.0,0.0,0.10043838760588272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612829433869076,0.0,0.10040966318518828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481276150936519,0.08876258974377851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14884972401113006,0.07010281745330853,0.0,0.21498932934771492,0.0,0.08346781080079248,0.0,0.0,0.07581361662736817,0.18143590981950805,0.10253588602588426,0.0,0.055768526785692704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070786008963824,0.0,0.11059763170354103,0.11628240898621604,0.0,0.0,0.0984306020054075,0.0,0.09663652679926686,0.0,0.10504828526747473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722086751797749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998759342185942,0.0,0.10390361264608428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09588097983941288,0.0,0.0,0.0868403836613015,0.08240298761218863,0.10978037400455708,0.10711854001618816,0.0,0.08856454654578295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908152542490818,0.11492658114843934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270475898635973,0.0,0.2087209429129612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329884381169215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568177364008958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11470663386329626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286344818744521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639096764758714,0.0,0.0,0.1108569535250688,0.0,0.08117267469322005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705131522109917,0.0,0.06945565668081835,0.10459162238265964,0.07836532043054552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10733634196446692,0.11135473717849116,0.09248468272349293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575319774086433,0.0,0.07790284284925286,0.057219352150029976,0.0,0.0,0.09376571602967954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958570089039336,0.0,0.0,0.08475127271144874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822905133181548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11284260616566147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638270829380652 ptsd,shyghst,2019/10/11,"How to deal with Hyper vigilance while sleeping? So I’ve always had an issue where I will wake straight up from a dead sleep if I hear any noise or if someone enters my room. It’s been going on for years now. I will also have full conversations while I slowly wake up, thats hard to explain but its kinda like my body is talking and giving my brain time to wake up and be alert without anyone knowing I was asleep. On top of that, even though I sleep it isn’t restful. I haven’t had nightmares (or really any dreams) in years now, so thats not the issue. I don’t know any way to deal with this. I am so exhausted throughout the day but I get a full nights sleep every night. Sleeping meds knock me out through the next day so I cant take them. Anyone have a similar issue or have any advice? Sorry if this isnt coherent I’m very tired gjfhdbdb",2.598498376623376,3.9953283465909095,3.7946753246753246,90.2477272727273,75.19318181818181,6.392207792207793,22.798701298701296,6.868970318607317,0.5562042207792204,663,18,143,6,14,216,110,176,0.08199999999999999,0.825,0.09300000000000001,0.2545,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,11,2,0,0,7,0,17,13,11,1,0,20,26,19,1,3,10,0,1,1,0,2,2,1,1,0,8,5,0,0,3,1,0,2,7,1,0,0,4,2,16,1,18,19,3,28,0,0,0,0,8,13,0,7,13,93,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131418843687754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09109595843355002,0.09478450569775043,0.0,0.0,0.30985821450797435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1593008403155574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653134853119674,0.0,0.1271642650960365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692855708626087,0.23487801816787204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523827508034785,0.0,0.09597637688138852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059514692930557674,0.10927545775074453,0.0647392220515307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204341947478493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12838791070711658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566858425182598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12520690010742824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05565199945298311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653134853119674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12114746658068115,0.21379873603126706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729754032551563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5699749157842242,0.0,0.09651787524588748,0.0,0.0,0.12751596023589032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564818638734388,0.09155872679075694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191866584546624,0.0,0.0664234212017209,0.1309259106724456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09398992122777612,0.0,0.09041861235970294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10980779396717268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14671210963036635 ptsd,wbfuture,2019/10/11,"Feeling Alone I have never posted on reddit before, but I wanted to reach out because some of your posts really have helped me feel (not better or worse, just feel) today. I'm not certain if I should trigger warn so I'm adding NSFW in case. In February 2019 my therapist diagnosed me with PTSD due to a sexually abusive, manipulative, compulsive liar relationship I was in in 2010. It was short, but very intense and I did not go to therapy properly for it til this past November. (2018) 2018 I was in a serious relationship for the first time since that abusive relationship and so some of the things that trigger me would not have come up until then because they are related to being in an intimate relationship. This relationship was so good and I was so excited because I felt like I learned that I could love and trust. Then for some reason, it started to become rocky and this is when my episodes really ramped up. I did not truly understand that I was having flashbacks until after it was all over but essentially this SO told me that ""whatever I was doing"" to address my PTSD wasn't working and that I had ""lost the ability"" to control my emotions and I was not as resilient as I used to be. I would get so mad and upset and irrational and he would too. After my worst flashback he did not speak to me for 2 weeks - because he needed space. (I don't blame him, but it was excruciating and I felt so much shame because I was reeling from the trigger) After the 2 weeks he broke up with me. This all cut me to my core. Now, 7 months later, I'm finally coming out of the haze of sadness from that relationship ending. I'm in grad school for Social Work, I have my own apartment, I have two jobs and an internship. I'm doing what I wanted to do!! But I still am feeling so dejected and also really struggling to make friends because I'm nearly 30 and it's hard to make new friends but also I'm realizing, because I'm afraid to get close to people in case I have a trigger moment and they can't take it. I don't know if anyone has any thoughts but I just feel really small and alone and I have appreciated reading your posts so I thought I would reach out. Peace and comfort to you. <3",3.512327188940091,5.2105966382488464,5.042774193548387,80.99416129032261,73.40092165898619,8.093640552995392,27.83778801843318,8.759644201051973,2.184846820276497,1727,67,336,34,35,581,204,434,0.177,0.701,0.122,-0.9846,1,2,0,0,0,0,44.0,0,3,2,6,17,22,3,4,11,0,42,2,0,10,4,84,77,47,0,11,19,0,8,1,2,5,1,1,1,0,21,26,0,1,14,1,0,3,12,12,0,2,22,9,50,10,54,47,8,54,0,3,0,1,23,22,0,6,27,243,71,7,0.0,0.1840149583833851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16085257694973065,0.0,0.12420000427967445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280749035103344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054297592860226215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33136077792772123,0.08576291659292055,0.06607796900466996,0.0,0.0,0.06867879230024351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337843623883304,0.0,0.0,0.08709574132426348,0.062000526429497486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07881733581727919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735047584643882,0.06877853506030596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963213777915659,0.0,0.14912033905935235,0.08506633444252573,0.0,0.06605258717079804,0.0,0.0,0.11999081976557972,0.0,0.08114218505171851,0.0,0.044132647562669484,0.06513262349883547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695628727849974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05204994526396859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07705976963510314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0426766944346132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0379378991619858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0847686866846723,0.0,0.07008590946417857,0.0,0.10366950699047488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061982808094548786,0.0,0.05708474117138247,0.05757957424452486,0.059891673917974925,0.07499886974191161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741296806133533,0.053835615624061056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231136534704652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18154711042816168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07767517237166753,0.0,0.1989889683901352,0.07984140776092277,0.0,0.5002290269535017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859015370794101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423632199791494,0.0,0.0,0.07915863491698856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05496401275413847,0.0,0.062014710931618,0.0,0.0,0.0811809865230227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05838626267714168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880429736134073,0.09016246269400817,0.051589972085348615,0.0,0.0,0.1232974548819579,0.045280764039285916,0.0,0.07360706197249489,0.07420187581610681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07585682882794527,0.08084071715483272,0.0,0.0670682599064392,0.0,0.06407281299560247,0.09160486873981574,0.0,0.12457896312807824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11306630383924618,0.0,0.07913622123700192,0.220653143498724,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Dandeliondust814,2019/08/31,"Question regarding a response that I’m assuming is related to ptsd, but can find no evidence of on the internet or anywhere else. So a bit of background info for context here, I’ve been seeing someone for about a month now who has PTSD from a sexually abusive relationship 10 years ago. I’ve been doing my best to learn their triggers, preemptively avoid them and shield them, and respond accordingly when that doesn’t go as planned. But, I’m new to this and I’ve made several mistakes. I’ve misspoken and triggered them multiple times now and made things worse by not responding correctly after triggering them. It’s been a rough roller coaster so far. But I really care about this person and I’m trying my best to do things right. We’ve grown really close in a very short amount of time due to the level of trust that they require for any kind of relationship to go anywhere. I am 100% willing to go as slow and be as patient as necessary in order to give this a real chance. Unfortunately, an incident occurred and I’m unsure of how to repair it or if it’s even possible to repair, so I’m hoping someone here has maybe encountered something similar or has at least heard of someone who has. A few days ago, they found something on one of my social media accounts that reminded them of the man (I use that word generously here, because he’s hardly that at all) who traumatized them. The response was more intense than anything I’ve witnessed so far. The hatred and terror and intensity that they were exhibiting was unprecedented. After hours and hours of failing over and over again to deescalate the situation, I finally got them to calm down a bit and fall asleep, but the response since then hasn’t been like the other times they’ve been triggered. They told me that this has happened before with people who have set off an exceptionally intense trigger, and that there has never been any going back from it. It’s almost like I am now a trigger, because of how intensely I triggered them. They said it’s something they can’t control, that their body just has an uncontrollable reaction to being around me now. Despite cognitively being able to acknowledge that I didn’t do anything wrong; me and her abuser happened to have similar tastes in music 10 years ago, she can’t control the way her body physically reacts to my presence. So that means the end of our relationship, because they think it’s something they’ll never be able to overcome. If that is the case, I’m willing to accept it. I’ll be their friend and be there for them in whatever way I can, because I’ll never be able to stop caring for this person, but I’m also not quite ready to give up entirely. So if anyone has ever encountered anything like this, is there a term for it, so I can do more research? Is there any kind of therapy that can help, some sort of cbt approach that may help them to disassociate me with this traumatic experience? Is there any hope at all, or is it truly over for good? I appreciate any and all responses, advice, or recommendations. Thanks for reading.",8.457568965517241,7.546995963793107,8.445172413793106,70.13706896551729,61.77586206896552,11.517241379310345,37.75862068965517,10.704944029454452,4.015620689655171,2449,103,436,51,29,798,265,580,0.10400000000000001,0.762,0.133,0.9573,0,1,4,0,1,0,55.0,1,0,21,8,31,23,0,3,25,0,51,4,3,15,8,83,82,46,0,6,17,0,2,3,1,4,0,2,0,3,39,21,1,5,10,2,1,7,11,6,0,1,17,6,43,17,74,54,14,66,0,1,1,0,48,22,0,16,36,307,82,5,0.21658511791600016,0.17107863231325904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07054815685518652,0.19198963903430435,0.0,0.07229290331247018,0.0,0.0,0.057734346849125824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454755120050647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05048045010056317,0.0,0.1782310977968352,0.06426889121892483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05551352889197615,0.0,0.17603770348161182,0.0,0.06143266103293892,0.0,0.1515284793419604,0.0,0.15763656914035767,0.1603848269232828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721530823786386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16194575089945246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04655982780535521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030969147450056,0.0,0.0639433762015789,0.0,0.0,0.04768414257354077,0.06530454629567747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706206015825323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908613669335042,0.0659849580016599,0.0,0.0,0.07915813423017365,0.0557777082797624,0.0,0.0,0.13851212036987445,0.16412041829021856,0.06055377369887395,0.05774096807482825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12768366965985511,0.0,0.06467257466669682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09678162608049966,0.0,0.0,0.1434119277166268,0.1421951422650674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503600475290739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581254847687786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13662538358745813,0.0,0.0,0.07252962065502595,0.07864156250451669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057625391592665484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16704379498580985,0.06972641883685582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04892122705559672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05005095005112517,0.12607584725787424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08138905931277826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687842750683601,0.0,0.0808749666329058,0.0767883109642649,0.07221457630827781,0.08217376023503217,0.09249998167726244,0.0,0.0,0.23253136192411966,0.0,0.06165416909976173,0.0686740148770214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057530099203102036,0.0,0.0,0.08155984491409057,0.0,0.059720482556322736,0.08115024903276552,0.0,0.07359375083610457,0.1835118675649538,0.22231707355096825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06035828553912623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646749248291851,0.08256131930571291,0.0,0.09592635232460052,0.046259666078937084,0.0,0.0,0.12629252398820015,0.0,0.0,0.06898545390668648,0.0,0.04901569268147889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062353334083408964,0.0,0.05956846830306708,0.0,0.11461012359620025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357291284689485,0.0,0.07893394211324307,0.0,0.09298247661058673 ptsd,grozzjob,2019/08/31,"Anything can be a traumatic experience After I got diagnosed with PTSD part of dealing with it was getting pissed when I heard someone else say they had PTSD. If they had not gone through something I considered to be traumatic I mean. I have gradually learned that anything can be a traumatic experience according to the people involved. To some people a traumatic experience is getting left by their partner or getting slapped in the face. Also some people can go in to combat and watch horrific stuff and come back the exact same. And while it may not always qualify for a diagnosis the experience was still traumatic if they felt it was. And you can always find someone who has gone through something way worse than you and who will say “That’s life.” Sometimes people just need their feelings acknowledged no matter how things seem. That’s something my parents never understood. Mom and dad if you are reading this, I hate you. - “We suffer more often in imagination than in reality”",7.23214015151515,8.808252176136364,7.226590909090909,69.37446969696971,64.17045454545455,10.412121212121212,37.96212121212121,10.504223727775694,4.475107575757576,797,41,125,20,12,255,107,176,0.21899999999999997,0.775,0.006,-0.9921,1,0,3,0,0,0,12.0,1,4,5,0,7,3,2,0,8,0,18,4,2,1,2,36,34,14,0,4,7,3,2,0,1,2,2,3,0,1,11,10,0,0,9,1,0,4,4,3,0,0,11,6,17,0,18,18,5,16,0,1,1,0,21,5,1,9,6,99,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524061235688926,0.198193959860114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960108649543938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09157707282253123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259021061664952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278221045228065,0.0,0.12087940529652175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948899157198084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659929284250053,0.0,0.0,0.06021825312505843,0.0,0.11435033749997953,0.0,0.10885111115649286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18666741850265145,0.0,0.06768470586095275,0.0,0.09525153496405238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758213012229965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12939758752793756,0.0,0.08412065962130483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12972989179570424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13948318682559607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08830778939344966,0.09185377620732584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13224143658029774,0.12896879910933345,0.0,0.3302632413506149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784324858776445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912770896442253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1894190117345804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10842005211148856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20181842751036164,0.2750565570316104,0.11778847501928162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09510980419876447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136335831297423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912174498511708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453244861439143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12136846876833432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,floridaxkilos,2019/08/31,Does anybody get really tense? Hey guys lately I’ve been having like all my muscles become really tense when I’m anxious (most of the time). It usually starts in my neck and then makes it all the way down to my lower calf.? Has anyone had this before?,2.127400000000001,4.40708094,3.649999999999999,86.705,79.6,6.4,18.0,7.554174236665415,0.5104000000000006,197,4,38,3,5,65,42,50,0.182,0.773,0.045,-0.7668,1,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,4,1,1,1,2,5,8,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,4,6,3,9,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,7,22,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3259774522416697,0.0,0.2017596836914953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3186789323937564,0.2455333546678168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525105658893728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075457978601906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857081871004436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254950559214017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097012651271718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19260823396623344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36970286531707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20423597517917827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16825483688371187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3177951917713389,0.0,0.0,0.2290362134108088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tml1211,2019/08/31,"How did I not realize that something was terribly wrong with me? My routine mental evaluation did not go as I expected to. I thought I was going to go in and do the normal routine “these pills don’t work and I don’t know why you’re giving them to me” I ended up talking to 2 social workers a therapist and a psychiatrist. A crying spell and a panic attack later. Long story short they diagnosed me with PTSD and Bipolar. So now what? I understand they’re going to to the whole therapy and medication thing. I spent this entire time trying to figure out how to get a grip on my life after separating from the Army and being told that just made me feel like not even trying anymore. If anyone of my family members found out they will use that shit against me in any shape, way, and/or form(Ihave a very very very shitty group of people I call “family”) anyyyyyways I’m going off topic and... yeah. How do I not PTSD I guess. I have no guidance and no one to talk to for answers really.",3.334673076923078,5.079854169230772,5.077996794871794,80.36314903846154,73.97435897435899,7.951923076923077,25.00801282051281,8.660442795831766,1.8657243589743595,773,25,146,15,16,263,123,195,0.149,0.815,0.036000000000000004,-0.9716,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,2,7,6,2,1,9,1,11,6,1,5,0,35,29,15,0,3,6,0,2,1,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,13,0,0,8,0,1,5,8,5,0,1,9,2,23,1,26,18,1,21,0,0,0,0,10,9,1,2,7,101,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629348945109179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258465269439254,0.0887284876739444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14436228174949886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957479060468274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393890680545793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287965569221268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11239200632778996,0.0,0.0,0.08381347329808808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23925211699489105,0.0,0.06416232481742529,0.09065437858090064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913468527603404,0.0,0.0,0.06629781346598285,0.12173000577894208,0.3605890122388141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13979002035345367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06973860822622277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963025007167202,0.06199487382129185,0.0,0.0,0.11229878202521147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1200718658355669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1278341595093041,0.12788111131060514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433093283835038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598787219903023,0.0,0.0,0.14888486973552287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879735639407645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2966687785097929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129269318856072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13025670611470985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293542787540991,0.0,0.09769057962527164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2039880604622859,0.0,0.0,0.1451163963032851,0.14733579406349478,0.08430392511243485,0.0,0.0,0.1007410838071997,0.07399395631163576,0.0,0.0,0.12125436648142332,0.0,0.1723078251186166,0.0,0.0,0.1321029938489158,0.0,0.10959722077809614,0.0,0.3141069520015315,0.0,0.10072397253349022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450371417098805,0.14167461915334334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238164730768147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387406272309088,0.0,0.0 ptsd,materialogist,2019/08/31,"Well my psychiatrist triggered me yesterday which made me cry 3 times. I had a nightmare last night. I told my psychologist about yesterday today and cried bc yesterday was traumatic I guess. HOWEVER, how I feel rn is the best I’ve felt in a month. Maybe the intense crying rebooted my brain. I cry once a year basically so this is the most crying I’ve really ever done. I think some connection happened. Thoughts?",2.666883116883117,5.632415233766237,4.270142857142858,78.16235714285716,84.97402597402598,8.794285714285715,27.180519480519482,9.120678840339163,3.240232207792208,331,15,58,11,10,110,57,77,0.22699999999999998,0.68,0.092,-0.9022,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,6,0,5,1,1,3,1,12,13,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,7,2,11,2,2,6,3,11,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,3,10,34,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521117679989769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16180754854819893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7960812643673802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14832996853035535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311118548611447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328899658817742,0.0,0.13917078393968782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15967423801893088,0.0,0.12817517090452055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118150245161748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1371513047664548,0.0,0.0,0.14561762749870116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11569442569290585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13602189787278948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436264120629026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09285604801093708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09287547297864122,0.0,0.11507084521086453,0.0845191134688507,0.0,0.13739175464363765,0.1385020084082928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303237614646579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09334040024410953 ptsd,moritzferr,2019/08/31,Will PTSD qualify for disability? Ive been Suffering from Complex PTSD since 18 months and several Symptoms haven’t gone. Besides i was diagnosed with bipolar disorder.,6.786666666666669,10.428385285714286,7.014285714285716,61.39738095238097,71.14285714285714,12.304761904761904,45.04761904761904,11.20814326018867,7.361961904761905,140,10,18,6,3,45,26,28,0.201,0.799,0.0,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,3,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994650772768114,0.0,0.0,0.338147823598593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23550258611759026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6897850439881567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3333175509919249,0.0,0.2440647724465015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066653533751326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,amarviere,2019/08/31,"Does it actually get better For the first 14 years of my life, I learned that footsteps up the stairs meant you were supposed to run and hide. Loud noises unequivocally meant that someone was getting hurt. My name was my greatest enemy because every time I heard it, it meant I was next. I still can't sleep unless everyone is in bed. If I hear people moving, my heart starts trying to rip itself from my chest. The moment someone starts to raise their voice, I think of all the ways I could lie my way out of whatever was my fault this time. And holy shit it is so fucking annoying oh my god. I was so disciplined and so focused. Anything I wanted, I could do if I wanted it badly enough. But this? This I can't control. I do drugs, I cut myself, I go between eating a thousand calories in a sitting to not being able to eat for days. It's so stupid and so useless. When my friends laugh too loud, my first instinct is to want to recede into my own body and whither to a husk! How incredibly senseless is my body? Why can't I quiet my heart or still my hands? Does this shit actually go away? I'm in a good environment now and my life is, by all accounts, fantastic. Everything outside of my locus of force is pretty great. The only issue is me and I don't know how to fix that. It's so frustrating to know that the only thing keeping me from enjoying my life as much as I should be is myself. Sometimes, I think that it's getting better and it's nice to not be so anxious all of the time, but also this morning I spent an hour in my room crying because the wind whistling through the trees was too much for me so that is really great for me.",2.398518785383427,4.174412608955226,3.885321667524448,87.78164179104479,76.6417910447761,6.4117344312918165,24.68605249613999,7.237678284180719,1.0299109624292333,1284,44,266,15,29,425,171,335,0.091,0.804,0.105,0.6799,0,0,1,0,0,1,34.0,0,1,1,5,17,20,7,0,14,0,28,16,9,3,3,41,51,28,0,8,8,0,1,0,1,1,4,6,2,0,22,10,2,3,8,0,2,4,6,11,0,3,12,7,46,9,37,33,8,33,0,2,0,1,6,10,3,3,16,190,68,1,0.09947125909592604,0.0,0.19413919995198836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079547129961036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237420941017086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185637073539029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0934565223142404,0.0,0.08305434642783009,0.12127351257205853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17594849044843494,0.0,0.22098028933080094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115654752889212,0.15883941267615592,0.0,0.10926450730638576,0.06415073306492472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17409593831966186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153550805166038,0.20356786216437872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278040098971894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838088259485439,0.09504905081331734,0.08939835373160572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692204043441569,0.0,0.0,0.07685124802838564,0.09195957617566876,0.15590888205841544,0.0,0.1130636177205604,0.08343177274774044,0.0,0.2193348286353031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11211133835201573,0.2357478419282236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097959153250199,0.0,0.10648604017570347,0.0,0.0,0.10382215105169776,0.0,0.08841462551273811,0.0,0.0,0.10933360520191754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107784760422104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057222063567238,0.14624564149053562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057888125253479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15130474977811084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06896084645756166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10119803106371636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06372383568400979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042116360431306,0.0,0.0,0.09954309604962644,0.0,0.16856335007108325,0.0,0.09837961871938002,0.0,0.1408125383277146,0.0,0.15887575201254026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608428458534353,0.1274743327105312,0.0,0.0,0.1740074733165311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06753445546120072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17601217747869954,0.15791131092869345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975733956945131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06405622956444101 ptsd,pav2593,2019/08/31,PTSD and Gun ownership I am concerned that because I have PTSD and have been hospitalized in the past that I will not be allowed future gun ownership. Is this a reasonable fear or not?,4.319904761904763,6.526513371428571,5.142857142857146,78.9704761904762,72.42857142857143,9.23809523809524,31.666666666666664,9.725611199111238,3.3585238095238106,148,7,27,4,3,48,26,35,0.222,0.778,0.0,-0.7906,1,0,0,2,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,7,0,0,2,0,7,7,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,2,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2023888766386409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3736010848349757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31693901780171657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7761987153830597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34135931986053825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,frootlooproyalty,2019/08/31,"so....im unsure So I experienced a traumatic event when I was 5 ( im 14 now ) and I think I have PTSD, but I have only had a flash back once. I have a majority of the other symtoms, but I feel like since I dont have flash backs that I'm just being dramatic. I want to go to a therapist but my father doesn't believe that mental illnesses are real and I'm afraid of what will happen when I ask. I'm very irritable, I can barely sleep, I am always very nervous and anxious, I try to avoid things that remknd me of it, I feel numb, I feel guilty and lonely, and am very untrusting of people. I dont know if this means I have something else, but I am beggining to wonder if I do have PTSD. Does anyone know of not having flashbacks is common?",2.8101398601398597,3.5216016923076943,4.993473193473196,84.52122377622379,73.74358974358975,7.980419580419578,23.7972027972028,8.296473431620573,1.239469230769231,568,15,125,9,11,199,92,156,0.213,0.747,0.04,-0.9794,0,3,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,3,5,0,21,3,1,0,0,24,36,14,0,3,8,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,5,0,1,8,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,2,4,21,1,9,32,1,8,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,3,8,83,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204760074155818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635703039707022,0.0,0.10123980221179228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535812566665253,0.0,0.0,0.2226675346161219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16312756797220535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12670578818966222,0.0,0.33938314837498623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095259103611945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21962893466082692,0.10343725671161688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822868984602862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280363926657554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31279382956700336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15914444364911154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07073656869794356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771761578438753,0.0,0.0,0.14591320955774295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541955091843348,0.0,0.11011852293919952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10037842914621073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3385010749773581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16480152646462015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197709178493924,0.0,0.14489351751157686,0.0,0.0,0.11146560950708226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681111336476189,0.09619134652023352,0.0927749145438562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830219466073176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35839814841476514,0.08540027563219588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15701744287824784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PandaFaceGirl,2019/08/31,"LCSW or Psychologist? Hi there, first time poster! I just recently started seeking out therapy, because I've finally decided I'm done being a dark, brooding, hateful type and I want to get better. However, it looks like my insurance only covers LCSW? Or that's all I've been able to find in this area. I've never had a psychologist or psychiatrist, so I'm not sure what the difference is. The LCSW I go to has a religious theme I'm not sure I'm a fan of, but I'm wondering if it would be any better with someone else or should I stick it out. They also focus on ALL of me, instead of just the PTSD. I get that after it being in my life for a while that it's a part of me, but sessions are all over the place. What I'm saying is will the experience be the same with other types of therapy? I appreciate any help in the matter!",2.3753571428571405,3.8403702732558167,5.049102990033222,80.74523255813955,75.9186046511628,8.40265780730897,25.657807308970103,9.04235418022936,2.072485382059801,645,23,133,15,14,231,101,172,0.042,0.841,0.11699999999999999,0.9065,1,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,1,3,6,6,1,0,13,0,14,1,0,0,6,30,28,11,0,4,11,0,0,1,0,3,1,1,0,0,12,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,3,2,11,5,19,18,5,18,0,0,1,0,4,9,0,6,9,93,23,3,0.16527951181126949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321739658816293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22479147141524589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075285633118423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2923525938000132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268191189189427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16913832440376042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380698239145824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616750772032176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18105562639053294,0.15106247950467966,0.14058666831358807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17270344652221306,0.0,0.09393215543018882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16317929999060896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078337282451003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11674180708816315,0.08074722088037191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13879316321272775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12747374866755254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570251651251418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17898160492075718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268191189189427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932029046118736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16319357844475374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13143690162617566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14004079400540026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698568914899525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31154796775888804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3780230520169409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637581247977672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974861383107778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17923858020737793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11740982308986699,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hairykn33s,2019/08/31,"suffocation i have this really burdening feeling in my chest, most of the time i don’t know what it is. i change it ALL the time and it definitely gets worse when i’m around multiple people in a setting. but it is always there. it is definitely debilitating and uncomfortable for me, i can’t look people in the eyes or really have anything to say besides “okay” one word responses or nothing at all. i am a very standoffish person and also have adhd, i just don’t understand why i can’t stay still in front of someone without feeling this desperate urge to leave. it’s honestly really strange and i do it compulsively. i wish i had a definite answer for this feeling but i can never find one and stick to it",3.027232982844496,5.2898530071942504,5.303741007194244,76.0815882678473,76.4820143884892,9.16900940785833,27.95849474266741,9.661875296680813,3.048581184283341,564,24,105,17,13,197,83,139,0.10300000000000001,0.731,0.166,0.8402,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,6,1,14,2,2,0,3,25,23,11,0,1,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,12,6,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,1,0,2,1,6,13,2,14,22,3,14,0,0,2,0,2,6,0,3,5,79,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158975069700728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14366146087788798,0.14947842682900322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478319306776786,0.15992149050617704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900398217311228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2725006276642622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16419161174987948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385671853202583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987277947931458,0.0,0.0,0.1902173474001552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085594545041142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855273869562112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17237352577241355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2434632183546491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24908544029990065,0.15685845070539606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452541656094253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286033694252712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15221201024816508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19147689347121066,0.14346414913633249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20950404146210885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701602455226346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14822533977980487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210101525191595,0.0,0.20658204918884926,0.1731706693509279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830728624720985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alucyxoxoxo,2019/08/31,"Found a new trigger :) My sister was in hospital for 6 months on the brink of death... that was around 3-4 years ago so I thought I was over it, but today a friend mentioned prolonged hospital visits in a humorous way and I just felt complete fear and dread take over my body. I have ptsd towards other traumatic events from my life but I didn’t realise that my sisters illness still stung so much.",3.0418131868131866,5.1387139871794885,3.5813553113553134,89.23269230769232,75.7948717948718,6.508424908424907,27.809523809523807,7.447530270364453,1.5428293040293042,313,13,62,4,7,98,60,78,0.193,0.696,0.111,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,4,0,5,3,1,1,0,10,9,6,1,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,7,1,9,2,10,2,1,17,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,0,7,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22406837934575216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22502192884273076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.280774278402032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650281145472052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2844403650660937,0.0,0.0,0.2427021168571497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771530006234243,0.1952921120232959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17854133715621168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20176132683429532,0.0,0.1858175431994244,0.0,0.0,0.2441301376200697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2954785932499536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018651743193438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19005414870307924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20067385503354854,0.0,0.0,0.2395996397144659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20063976978123596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277779061269407 ptsd,gayprincess96,2019/08/31,"My eyebrow wax artist told my family member I was having a bikini wax & my family member made me very aware of it in front of other family members, loudly, in a restaurant I am mortified and i cannot undo it, my family member had no right to know what i was going into the waxing salon for, i had told her it was eyebrows, and the salon stylist has destroyed any sense of safety I had going there, as she fucking told my family I wanted my fanny waxed What the fuck do I do now I need to take back the information, it is mine and not my families information But now I cannot undo it I am beyond hurt by this, I feel sick, I want to cry forever",2.2903636363636366,3.739824325925927,5.104511784511782,80.32484848484847,76.1111111111111,7.872053872053872,21.161616161616163,8.575989854853784,1.3409999999999993,504,12,100,10,11,182,78,135,0.141,0.828,0.031,-0.9393,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,3,0,6,0,15,3,0,1,0,16,29,5,0,5,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,9,4,0,0,4,1,0,3,4,4,0,0,10,2,24,0,13,19,0,11,0,1,0,2,7,5,2,0,3,77,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462697773112505,0.0,0.09180295591223593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380477473650354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1482884578043946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.763581992851485,0.0,0.06825881203678838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24960609932002514,0.0,0.0,0.15344442508265135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451765778866987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07419111704830501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12773793568574934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009896476195604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11528716085444372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150134882001577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3869878016661673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138710791797966,0.15925009256007727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,visconder,2019/08/31,"From ok to 0 in about 2 seconds I have a bunch of traumatic things that have happened to me while I was growing up (sexual abuse from family members, a long-term emotionally abusive relationship that has thankfully ended, and continually high pressure from my family to perform and has been very verbally abusive). Previously I’ve been able to cope extremely well and sort of swept all of this under the rug. I graduated in the top 1% of my state, graduated in the top 10% of my medical school, and had previously set myself up really well to follow my new life’s dream or pursuing anaesthesiology. I had also found who I believe to be my life partner, who is amazing. 2 months ago I had elective surgery, which was extremely traumatic for me from the start and essentially the control behind organising it all was taken away from me. Essentially I had very little say about what happened and the surgeon belittled me. I believe this has set off ptsd (I’m seeing therapists but they haven’t put down a diagnosis yet) as I’m getting nightmares and very distressing flashbacks about everything traumatic in my past. I’ve had to stop work for the moment because I can’t cope. I am currently extremely distressed because a bunch of my trauma happened in my family home and I cannot afford to move out by myself. My partner’s home is slightly better but his dad is always home, and it unsettles me because he is an older male and I subconsciously do not trust him. It’s father’s day tomorrow. My dad came home with a new piece of technology. He has previously always asked me for help and more often than not yelled at me either out of frustration or because it looks like I haven’t put in enough effort to help. Either way, he takes him frustration out on me. And when I was growing up, it’s occurred to me recently that he has been a continual source of trauma through his unrealistic expectations (even though I managed to time and time again meet them) and vicarious life through me because of an unresolved inferiority complex and his own trauma. My mother is a refugee, which carries a hell of a lot of psychological issues in itself. Neither of my parents have sought any psychological help or therapy, and so you can imagine what sort of a household we have. My partner brought up today that it seems that my family just don’t resolve any issues. And it’s true. For all the times my dad has yelled and abused me, whether it be because I didn’t attain the highest music diploma the first time (at age 15), being accused of lying about my exit high school mark (which ended up being in the top 1%), not being accepted straight into medical school after high school, and not being happy with dentistry instead on a scholarship (only a few examples), I can count on one hand the number of times he has apologised. Everything is swept under the rug. And for my mother, she has lost control of many things, so the only thing or person she can control is me. And it’s taken a full toll on me. The relevance is this: today I was feeling good because I hadn’t felt suicidal in 12 hours, which is actually an achievement for me these days. As I said before, for father’s day my dad brought home this new watch. I could sense myself being triggered so I left the house quickly and as soon as I was in the car, every flashback of my dad’s abuse growing up haunted me and I just couldn’t shake it. I have absolutely lost it. I feel like a victim and so fucking frustrated because previously I was so high functioning. My future was clearly set out and I was going places. And now I’m on the absolute opposite end of the table. I’m terrified about my future and whether I’ll ever be able to work as a doctor again. I have fallen in love with helping people even more since this has happened, but for now I’m far too unwell to work. I am ashamed to tell the majority of my friends (1) that I have stopped working for now and (2) the immediate reason for this (even though I know it was just the trigger - this was probably bound to happen at some point). I am filled with resent, and so fucking frustrated that my new major goals for each day include just forcing myself to get out of bed. I have intense suicidal thoughts every day. Everyone says it will get better, but my baseline evidently wasn’t that good to start with. My parents don’t take my mental health issues very seriously (my psychiatrist knows my dad and told her that this was all stemmed from vanity from my surgery, which I realise now is 100% absolute fucking garbage, and my mother decided to joke about it one day). Right now I don’t feel safe and I don’t know what to do. This post didn’t really have a question - I am just massively triggered right now and want to vent my story anonymously. Thanks for reading.",7.4528216406912895,7.0266115634573305,7.977472870986471,71.09120193810568,63.56236323851204,11.006082257848435,36.37735006475239,10.474059496144276,3.806745884874737,3795,162,685,81,49,1262,367,914,0.14800000000000002,0.753,0.098,-0.9963,4,0,0,0,3,0,94.0,1,1,2,21,41,43,10,5,41,1,80,13,1,7,7,113,128,59,2,4,21,13,5,2,4,1,8,5,8,5,47,47,0,7,17,3,1,15,18,22,2,4,36,13,100,21,118,81,21,128,1,3,3,4,52,53,4,13,56,492,147,16,0.099236205684372,0.2939466912788536,0.04842011087658984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043983454384584654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039679578916369335,0.08257247277608737,0.0,0.0,0.06748402281986579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638622820590882,0.0,0.046617840948300106,0.0,0.0,0.2419738796321312,0.0,0.04222135097274382,0.11180522125828804,0.0,0.08776635958311081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056749891238039724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695276435129908,0.03961601765771111,0.0,0.0,0.19199742917986776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05078623075801747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558136872833974,0.13184073505499755,0.05126876399092305,0.0,0.09831686690337263,0.04488241471075488,0.08361078331153911,0.04741222360279239,0.08918710288163241,0.0,0.1871021258461828,0.0,0.07526521096256329,0.03544718258462341,0.047641159886092375,0.0,0.0,0.04220513293014383,0.0,0.0544036887135286,0.03833482317284709,0.1376134096264309,0.07777023247010993,0.0,0.02819911129484302,0.08323462109816247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21938562238522005,0.0528193931203803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052741723074151536,0.0,0.0,0.1330318737215915,0.2096969995026084,0.2488550138176657,0.0,0.04886383649386119,0.0572526288258738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553652245382433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08180643508971965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053910213918644624,0.0,0.1051402002572014,0.04848179748301774,0.04973037419119678,0.0,0.04391045962469549,0.041666709748908334,0.0,0.10832804112847842,0.042183536676277715,0.044782275035146736,0.0,0.0,0.05030496841278801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09997003704866517,0.05000337736258671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0396046963043192,0.052736190889591104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19168589165980907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724502122491978,0.07547360617765618,0.0,0.0,0.11019006259932794,0.0,0.04736609356822991,0.03439894500898735,0.04332461354235183,0.05184035679522802,0.0,0.04690514517403575,0.0,0.0475204268123611,0.0,0.05349670699075617,0.0,0.05800090698106331,0.09975979593672116,0.05558363081954072,0.0,0.04963153020548759,0.0,0.06357325444968168,0.05101567360512596,0.04899189058413003,0.053271273395891036,0.0,0.0847471774370378,0.04719817823413988,0.07891661380985751,0.0,0.2008646762415082,0.03953920388779126,0.04517045730191063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04104460741038325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07023989714934607,0.0,0.0,0.08296591145528052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10854830233076368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461327657646957,0.0,0.043368408890481006,0.09136336538945657,0.05674262486058083,0.05761044171472041,0.09889218831479002,0.0,0.09749906823515896,0.03939123126082522,0.14466357392745932,0.0,0.09406431960381753,0.04741222360279239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376052509163078,0.02926604261703736,0.039384540503545416,0.0,0.0,0.08922526669944485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444902792714565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kroliz,2019/08/31,"Has anyone tried an inpatient/long-term treatment center for their PTSD? I have been struggling with PTSD for a little over a year now, but it has gotten worse over the last few months. Some days, I feel completely paralyzed, unable to do anything but sleep. After a recent ER visit after a pretty nasty panic attack and an urgent phone call to my therapist last week while dealing with some suicidal ideations, my therapist, partner, and I have all agreed I need to apply for FMLA and seek long term treatment. Have any of you done this before? Did you find it helped you in the long run? What is your best advice for me as I move forward with this? Thank you all in advance. ❤️",5.2481452991453,6.439153438461537,5.201794871794874,83.49542735042738,68.46153846153847,7.623931623931623,25.982905982905983,7.793537801064563,1.4394957264957269,537,15,99,6,9,167,90,130,0.175,0.7020000000000001,0.12300000000000001,-0.8749,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,5,1,2,1,5,1,2,8,0,10,1,1,0,2,15,14,7,1,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,2,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,4,1,14,2,18,10,7,25,0,0,0,0,12,7,0,2,15,68,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442676735217121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039718286677883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323015396824957,0.0,0.1214914132160388,0.0,0.0,0.16795666152872796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562691189314135,0.0,0.15493431835377774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15075232245227418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15479298238520062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09521266517051884,0.1522056878745719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510823446996059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464893005055327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13493614578574925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895694414059987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406852268996081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147969527099299,0.0,0.39195823786074907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784122436985099,0.15691314119113334,0.0,0.10946983101054904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732184152943037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019834984323258,0.0,0.0,0.3451559300286789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14577221666507356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774209149905992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434064931089675,0.0,0.16148924298822276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359229061790517,0.0,0.3428323214997212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10023479371300256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184242695437864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15045315772635773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507240285831907 ptsd,lmaonerd101,2019/04/13,it ruins things i was diagnosed with ptsd from emotional and sexual abuse from my childhood. i am in a relationship that has had its ups and downs. every single day i just shut down and have such a hard time coping and try to isolate my self. it’s ruining all sorts of relationships in my life. therapy just seems to be brining more issues out and i feel like shit. i had a wake up call earlier today but i hope it lasts. i hate ptsd.,2.321249999999999,4.293865897727276,4.120454545454546,85.11318181818183,77.52272727272728,8.036363636363637,22.363636363636363,8.841846274778883,1.558859090909091,341,10,71,8,8,115,66,88,0.17800000000000002,0.745,0.077,-0.7964,0,0,0,0,1,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,2,0,3,0,7,4,2,0,1,15,11,6,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,6,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,2,10,2,13,7,3,13,0,2,0,0,4,8,1,3,6,51,16,0,0.0,0.2223903478641433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19165970491786508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104908908983672,0.0,0.0,0.1905085856510713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2111339521552935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15814288557688855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490528353520274,0.13409083176785722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813971660775084,0.18531200788497007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18642555216579312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959069867438029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15299817215178302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325759987747979,0.09169931255578403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4388156853828287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030328414358431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17087237262052835,0.19580899010800135,0.0,0.19266835578907845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21464796944249465,0.0,0.12469760001204375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944767702276334,0.0,0.17791488541073638,0.0,0.0,0.12743399685679166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,atomicrae,2019/04/13,"My ex fiancé keeps messing with my emotions I was diagnosed with PTSD in May 2018, and I'm in counseling for it while we work on finding me a psychiatrist who can prescribe me something other than Zoloft. However, I'm still losing my shit.. I left my ex back in March and moved in with my aunt. He almost got our baby taken from me because he was addicted to drugs. He tried a million times over to get me back, and I was working really hard on moving on, so I started blocking him on everything. He passed his next DHR drug test, and seemed like he was doing really well, so I unblocked him Tuesday and offered to help him go get the parts he needed to fix his car after he messaged me on Snapchat. When I took him back home, we started talking about everything. We slept together, and then talked some more. He fed me all kinds of bullshit about how he wants to stay sober for me and the baby and how he doesn't want anyone but me and wants to work on getting our family back together. I was seeing another person at the time, but I wanted to get back with him because we've been together for 5, almost 6 years and I love him so much. Well, I went over to his house Thursday and we slept together again. He was hugging me and kissing me, called me ""babe"" and stuff. I got the feeling he wasn't being honest, so I admit I snooped through his phone because I just had to know the truth and he just lies when being confronted. He had been talking to another woman, was ignoring my calls the day before because he was seeing her, and had her nudes saved to his phone. He got angry with me when I ran out of there crying, he says he was only talking to her because I was still technically in a relationship with my now ex boyfriend, and he only talked to her as a rebound in case I didn't want to get back together. I confessed everything to my ex boyfriend and broke up with him, I felt like it was the right thing to do. Now, my ex fiancé is doing this thing where he tells me to call him but then he won't answer. He won't answer my messages on Facebook. I know he's online because it shows him getting on and off Messager. I called him 20 times in a row last night because he told me to call him when I got off work.. He finally answered and yelled at me the whole time, telling me this is all my fault and I'm doing this to myself, not giving a straight answer on if he still wants to be with me, telling me to call him tomorrow because it was late. I messaged him today, begging him to block me because I can't trust myself to leave him blocked. He answered a couple of times but is now ignoring me and refuses to block me for some reason. He knows I'm driving myself crazy over this, he knows I was getting over him and he drug me back in and now, I'm reattached to him and he knows it. I know I'm being toxic and I know I'm letting him play me like this but I can't stop. I want to stop so fucking badly but I won't let myself. He's stringing me along and I don't know what to do. tl;dr: my ex fiancé keeps bouncing back and forth between telling me to call him and ignoring me. I begged him to block me but he refuses to do so.",3.5252559493237503,4.299054389830513,4.671030303030302,87.26115939051535,72.12788906009244,7.4946207841123105,27.51929464132854,7.635375032292933,1.4297237527820577,2445,85,524,28,45,805,245,649,0.114,0.8140000000000001,0.07200000000000001,-0.9764,1,0,4,0,0,0,60.0,6,0,0,5,36,25,3,0,15,0,44,15,4,3,3,106,100,52,0,9,11,7,3,3,0,4,6,2,1,3,16,42,1,14,20,2,0,9,10,11,2,1,33,7,110,14,81,57,8,86,1,2,2,5,112,31,2,7,48,349,126,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059601926782057224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949475078096556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146593666782195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038228816728949185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363229159424482,0.04564989092834538,0.2999548231711242,0.0,0.046522919964488985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39079260075353495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06049492564328634,0.060056012182458665,0.035259731649708484,0.0,0.0,0.05549221111475725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19021088251615934,0.0,0.0,0.061500062091446824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14741041038355426,0.0,0.05154108659115954,0.0,0.02764444453693706,0.0,0.05249490642369329,0.0598918872440281,0.049970371921955664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05054455068024577,0.19995166365106085,0.052447575782401806,0.03107207532716338,0.0,0.17490881177860887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897650475376512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03664633574770596,0.0,0.05484174060690264,0.0,0.0,0.06308560496660076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09719221653581188,0.0,0.056933790099872025,0.2403759642661104,0.04456600651463065,0.06167382210028144,0.05789109135534494,0.0594026602565293,0.11181423135509383,0.0,0.08013178399335405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611653964542036,0.0,0.0,0.04934475447346093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162180523106563,0.04019113911509757,0.04053953177613651,0.0,0.0,0.058145635489620935,0.051307153687513145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08316296041548184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059205815993518776,0.0,0.0,0.04773858443384298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391011872381168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005018457495438,0.05621322021642382,0.0,0.05869862359930999,0.0,0.04669066790004985,0.0,0.04347837318747328,0.0,0.0,0.08713502413121779,0.04977248528055776,0.0,0.0,0.05612131882687451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042090148976313635,0.0,0.0,0.07739603395216997,0.058274423883436316,0.13098641544606268,0.09141859200352488,0.0,0.0,0.06258780570853968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197214891953051,0.19114736684778916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726449731567043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940209672468364,0.0,0.051823860577881034,0.05224264579868847,0.060744006919251324,0.03711955675177008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257339495034376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831565892214501,0.050682662579033484,0.0,0.0610407456809082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15921114657207724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03520778885953582 ptsd,cell_culture,2019/04/13,"It’s only been a few days, but need to vent about what happened *trigger warning* (NSFW) I just need to put this somewhere and let it all out. I know I can’t *technically* have PTSD unless you’re still displaying symptoms 1 month post-trauma, but having a really hard time coping with it all. I know I can’t think about all the ‘what if’s’ but it’s so fucking hard not to.. My life was changed the morning of Wednesday April 10th, 2019. I am not the same person I was prior to the explosion, and it’s so fucking sad/scary/idek how to really describe it.. I was kind of a mess of a person before everything happened. Super fucking anxious and the weirdest ambivert. I avoided eye contact and got spooked easily and idk man people just make me nervous and it gets even worse in social settings. I’ve been on SSRIs for years and have seen multiple therapists and have honestly just been dealing with the highs and lows of mental illness. I’m just a research technician in an academic lab, enjoy my quiet work days and just keep to myself, while helping my bosses and post-docs with whatever’s going on that week. I’ll try to keep it short, but there was a natural gas explosion directly across the street from our vivarium right after my boss and I finished an experiment. As soon as he opened the door, jokingly said ‘Hmm it smells like gas. Best walk briskly so we don’t get blown up!’ I saw the construction workers across the street crowded around where I occasionally park when running late. I have a HORRIBLE sense of smell, so I was taking in the air, trying to remember what natural gas smelled like. Continuing down the sidewalk, I remember saying, ‘good thing you’re here because you know I can’t smell, I wouldn’t have had a clue!’ There were 2 seconds left on the crosswalk; knowing he’s a stickler with the rules I quickly paused as I watched my boss step into the road, speed walking through the white lines of the intersection. As soon as we crossed the street.. BOOM!!! It was almost an out of body experience, the whole thing really. The shock wave from the explosion pushed us down the sidewalk, I felt it go through my body and down the sidewalk in front of me. All of the windows outside the building next to us instantaneously shattered, raining down on us and into our eyes.. I remember looking at my boss as he screamed at me to run. My ears.. it was like a tornado had just ripped through my head.. then then the pounding and ringing started. I turned around to see what was going on.. the amount of fire and smoke and debris everywhere and people screaming was unreal. Meanwhile we had coolers full of tissue from our experiment, glass in our eyes and didn’t know what else was going to happen. After made it down the block and around the corner to our office building we were just screaming ‘WHAT THE FUCK’ at each other out of shock. People starting to come outside the building to see what has happened.. as my boss was dealing with everyone outside, I ran up the stairs to grab saline from my desk on the other side of the building to rinse the glass out of my eyes. All of the employees in the building were trying to go see what happened as I was running by them repeating ‘don’t go outside there was a natural gas explosion.’ I remember the confused look on their faces.. It’s so fucking hard processing it all. Normally I’m by myself in the vivarium, and walking those two blocks between my 2 buildings is a normal, daily routine for me. If we had finished our experiment a minute later, or stayed at the crosswalk, or happened to walk at a slower pace.. it’s so fucking terrifying. I’m so fucking lucky to be physically okay for the most part. I have minor damage to my ears, but mentally I am a wreck.. Begging our colleagues not to call an ambulance to take us to the ER.. waiting in the car while our coworker navigates the streets as they’re being blocked off by police, black smoke filling the sky, power-walking through the hospital to get to occupational health to get medical attention.. it’s all so vivid. I remembered seeing people in the coffee shop I walked past every day.. I broke down... It’s only been 4 days, but it feels like it’s been an eternity. I didn’t sleep the first night. I can barely eat. My body is so weak and sore, it takes so much energy just to put one foot in front of the other. Taking life hour by hour, minute by minute because I now have triggers, and since this is all so new it’s fucking terrifying and sad when it happens... I do have a good support system. My lab and my PI have been incredible during this, including my direct supervisor that I was with when this happened. I live with my boyfriend and our dogs, and his family is close. My family has been doing the best they can although they are a few states away. The occupational health team and particularly the psychologist have been so helpful. But at the end of the day no one knows what it was like. To be so close to death, and come out somewhat unscathed? To have such a strange series of coincidences happen? It’s all so surreal and yes I’m extremely thankful to be alive, but the survivors guilt immediately crept in. I’m a trained BLS instructor, and I just ran.. I understand there was nothing I could do to save anyone, but I still feel so much guilt and shame.. I just needed to get it all out. Advice on moving forward is welcome/appreciated. RIP Mr. Lee, and condolences to the Kaffeinate family. [Brightleaf Explosion - Durham, NC](https://www.wral.com/crews-maneuvering-through-durham-explosion-debris-after-61-year-old-coffee-shop-owner-killed-and-firefighter-duke-employees-inju/18317583/)",4.979798918156163,6.647956969896523,5.432764698965193,79.77885542097836,69.61147695202257,8.438236124176859,30.973294920037628,8.947974472352879,2.6504329350893694,4461,188,813,83,80,1427,454,1063,0.113,0.799,0.087,-0.977,4,1,2,0,1,0,169.0,18,1,4,7,49,44,8,6,80,2,72,31,13,10,10,147,147,80,1,9,27,0,8,5,0,1,9,10,2,4,47,62,1,7,17,3,1,29,12,25,1,5,41,38,91,19,138,99,24,146,0,4,16,8,42,69,8,9,51,554,138,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0471241147196789,0.0,0.0,0.04828955455361473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05447960172992476,0.0,0.03371947089309504,0.0,0.0,0.12878924429977595,0.0,0.0,0.04530820854240261,0.0,0.0,0.05879403023160922,0.0,0.04103522891453869,0.0,0.10121661234136227,0.0,0.0,0.16069859200027373,0.0,0.0,0.04924228390242835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05101479263386865,0.08308172933406519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038503087083026535,0.0,0.0,0.1555030467579643,0.09943403288207188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049345379664685766,0.040285117945556434,0.0,0.04271231354593866,0.0,0.0,0.031851618881519515,0.0,0.04063095511945825,0.046080274649284735,0.043340787287158435,0.1886900227530652,0.13638440719456182,0.0,0.048767193059006925,0.0344513668611524,0.04630277943834567,0.0,0.0,0.04101946648450499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3566598500918784,0.1259757294442497,0.0,0.16444149140335818,0.08089631552962183,0.03856928550477762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3838003817951212,0.0,0.12959819066852202,0.0,0.04949192571412105,0.10252010557843916,0.0,0.0,0.0646473083561394,0.0509514983475802,0.0,0.0,0.0949822149207215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08572774145093927,0.0,0.05021806695503722,0.15901650294212932,0.0,0.05439898032736009,0.0,0.0523957172855847,0.04931249568021244,0.06812433498334232,0.11779950262535678,0.0,0.04258283819743073,0.0,0.08099233839134448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045630889145774886,0.032190017451284365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04858079218657809,0.097197270542026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03849208377978408,0.05125467602001147,0.07090064833346556,0.10727286471647307,0.0,0.046575217648918775,0.051286967037304884,0.04525513011925252,0.09449892319499598,0.04627240539769652,0.0,0.05060316918546747,0.0,0.06535591059388289,0.07335333036844782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0522220921262156,0.046035440543210564,0.13373030946107511,0.08421499518061464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237087622424296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563714907359376,0.09695724955304497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268094183683234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731430000404249,0.04118318985381197,0.04587224244523653,0.038349806889626616,0.0,0.0,0.1537137249522446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039891543543448885,0.0,0.04825901117535657,0.04915848282430492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826665163598762,0.0514005639745948,0.0770237916655108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054724232800180385,0.0,0.050123392142193586,0.14503433991753406,0.0,0.0,0.044398349730439116,0.0,0.05599199478854593,0.06407601038910032,0.030900110057766945,0.0,0.0,0.02811990964259193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822316675379128,0.05245406453678935,0.047108020760530916,0.05020307651752416,0.23203102384405996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038682531764371225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05384057952600869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035107780478515815,0.0,0.04914456365422565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062109587125166885 ptsd,IlliaMaeMae89,2019/04/13,"Going completely numb after therapy sessions. I finally started treatment for my PTSD and damn is it hard. On my third visit with my current therapist we talked about opening up to more people about the traumas I enduring from childhood and more recently. I am terrified of talking about my traumas to people because of the shame, guilt and causing pain to the people closest to me(my family). As we were talking I started slipping away from reality. I couldn't hear her talking to me, panic started setting in and the world just seemed to slip away. It's as if a part of my brain takes over that I have no control of and I'm taking a backseat to reality. I have no idea how I got home and I've spent the last two days in a constant state of numbness only broken by episodes of hyperarousal, hypervigilance, nightmares, and intrusive thoughts of self harm. I've keep my traumas a secret for so long I dont know how I'll ever be able to talk to my family about them. How can I heal when I'm so terrified of the process? Do any of you experience this after therapy sessions and how do you handle it? This is my first time posting and I want to say a huge thank you to every one in this sub for your posts. I wish that none of us had to experience the things we have but I'm so grateful for a community of people that understands what living with PTSD is like. This is my small attempt to talk about what I'm going through so please forgive the lack of detail.",4.683892733564014,5.732073885813152,5.724392733564018,79.75856141868512,69.65743944636678,8.548166089965397,32.09705882352941,8.841846274778883,2.6683756401384087,1159,51,221,20,20,384,157,289,0.125,0.8,0.075,-0.7728,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,4,4,1,3,16,14,1,3,14,0,16,5,1,6,1,37,38,22,0,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,1,1,13,15,0,2,7,0,1,3,5,11,0,4,5,3,32,3,52,31,5,37,0,0,0,0,22,13,1,2,18,160,45,2,0.0980806216440292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669818604576745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18429994530239535,0.0,0.0,0.05978903660278311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10949041096382432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075581597908137,0.0,0.0,0.10283566573184832,0.10599030821800508,0.11000575713831623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06325388695301726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11494975810044837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871953749858483,0.08263715391761932,0.0,0.0,0.19188333632719246,0.18492336226840414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107442526868123,0.0,0.08342732666590245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148295509822913,0.0,0.07844403296403257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087860971995633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105439888752765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838286051403901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11072108342181088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717856304956091,0.0,0.0,0.05390254462570752,0.07994879728607306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04791723749171075,0.0,0.08660698583196587,0.08679826373779667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646196757243346,0.07459473244236431,0.10436469662724156,0.1150764768487887,0.0,0.10621175535367808,0.0,0.27198701418400417,0.0,0.0,0.10766306950724404,0.0,0.0,0.18786824709401284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2293019961167695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09684278133911893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07799764699922974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928891429419446,0.10231947896348023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082659064534991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474888423846801,0.4730009306973274,0.0,0.09029945886272113,0.22432747732176386,0.11387916129197068,0.06516040685461567,0.0,0.0,0.07786505787360815,0.057191599224099166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09581051567449113,0.10210538613033664,0.11797891148934453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05785049182693045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11278787446435623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,radiscool299,2019/04/13,"I’m behind because of memory loss help! Ptsd has ruined my life. I was diagnosed at the age of five. I’m now 15 I’m behind in everything. I can’t spell simple things. I don’t know my multiplication division etc. I try and I try and I try and I fail and fail. I’ve been trying for years and I want to give up. I know I’ll never be able to be anything. I won’t graduate anytime soon. Please help.",-2.199181034482759,-0.6288721034482734,1.4501652298850587,94.3504202586207,109.11494252873564,4.9336206896551715,14.632902298850574,6.6274283507984215,-0.14493045977011487,305,8,72,6,16,110,55,87,0.153,0.738,0.109,-0.69,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,3,2,4,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,0,1,9,15,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,2,0,12,0,10,10,1,8,0,4,0,0,3,3,0,0,5,42,13,3,0.2166742433213224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830444041143872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208260763106122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991979601415126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24164905655283625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19473283866134272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078536777647917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2904643560025081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381569952168015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530434258764965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16711253399280132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23784325311271265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532805954319439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.143948739445952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5884303533772208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780008254698466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1395311087548164 ptsd,nnonononofuck,2019/04/13,"The scent of autumn finally has bit of happiness too it. It's been a few years (can't even remember) since my traumatic experiences, most of which happened on gloomy days or fall days, beautiful or not. Spring and fall are serious triggers for me, along with their scents. I have to avoid soaps and candles that once reminded me of my favorite season, because they give me flashbacks. Until today I guess. I smelled my parents soap, ""Crisp Fall"", and smiled, picturing a beautiful fall day in my head. Then some anxiety hit, but that little bit of happiness at the beginning is something I haven't associated with fall in a long time.",7.279248768472911,7.910007146551727,7.148719211822659,73.32534482758622,63.74137931034482,11.45615763546798,36.39901477832513,11.20814326018867,4.29384630541872,503,23,89,14,7,160,84,116,0.065,0.7979999999999999,0.13699999999999998,0.8909999999999999,1,1,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,1,5,0,7,1,1,1,0,16,12,8,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,0,5,3,2,0,0,1,3,13,2,15,10,5,24,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,5,14,58,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422261590288932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11333340739308435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4059468888106331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597036654162467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12279656572642154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186270898117832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20366321922505398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17834873162156056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048087705562521,0.0,0.16440597741058272,0.39582466060341787,0.0,0.0,0.19080469760384464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633788958014544,0.0,0.16453088298716936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197995764110225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643906316210206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21060795987758532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15379263976763488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431281536220566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10840982197771558,0.0,0.17622777914740087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972458960448006 ptsd,Playful_cookie,2019/04/13,"Survey about mental health (since the post is archived) My friend and I are working on a project to raise awareness around mental health, but we need your help! Please fill out this anonymous survey that takes less than 5 minutes. [**https://forms.gle/72FWXYaCmMEnE97w6**](https://forms.gle/72FWXYaCmMEnE97w6) &#x200B; **Who I am**: Incoming graduate student **Affiliation**: Carnegie Mellon **Target group**: General **Compensation**: None (keeping it anonymous) **Link**: [**https://forms.gle/72FWXYaCmMEnE97w6**](https://forms.gle/72FWXYaCmMEnE97w6) **Background**: Personal project to discover how we can help people (early ideation stages) **Link to results**: N/A",11.388141025641026,9.464391250000002,5.122500000000001,61.990448717948745,167.75,5.320512820512821,32.05128205128205,5.8734145424116955,3.3694743589743594,540,24,53,9,39,135,67,80,0.0,0.851,0.149,0.9089,0,0,0,0,0,0,85.0,2,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,2,0,13,7,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,8,7,2,7,0,0,0,0,9,3,0,0,1,29,10,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22903367027488586,0.2568537938909345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18817591427929167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16331417973579748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4493810342033164,0.0,0.0,0.2833714823412389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878871509923592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260492096791322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673800638502702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654653453309105,0.184571706282221,0.0,0.23203533861080666,0.0,0.0,0.2024467281501058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174858414282513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15893390203658692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538895284100881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568537938909345,0.0 ptsd,snow_banksy,2019/04/13,"therapist told me that what i described to her as my sexual assault also would be kidnapping in a court of law. i don’t know what to think. I know she’s right. TWs for SA & kidnapping & drug use i was 17 and already considered “at risk” (addicted to multiple drugs and extremely unstable). i was dating a 21 year old i met online. he convinced me my parents were emotionally abusive. my parents are and never were. i just believed him and i don’t know why. i was really naive. i took a greyhound bus to his place when i found out (my psychiatrist told me for some reason) that my parents wanted to send me to wilderness therapy (i did end up doing this still). it was really bad. i won’t go into the SA details but he made me change my hair color and take out my facial piercings. he said there are posters of your face everywhere and if you leave the house a cop will pick you up and i’ll be arrested for harboring a minor. he locked me in a cellar when the cops came the first time. i only left once in 5-6 days and it was in his friends car and they were changing my hair color. i think he believed he was helping me but my therapist says a lot of his behavior said sex trafficking too like him giving me drugs and then saying i owed him and planning a trip to NYC right after and it’s just confusing. i feel like it’s my fault for making the choices that got me there. thanks for being a space for this.",1.0781509515570953,3.3845335224913526,3.03945393598616,89.35686256487891,84.01730103806227,6.519074394463669,22.180038927335637,7.756953410329674,1.1327412629757785,1104,38,231,21,32,370,161,289,0.077,0.8440000000000001,0.078,0.5035,4,0,3,0,0,0,29.0,0,3,1,2,9,10,1,2,14,0,21,9,4,5,1,40,45,20,0,3,5,3,3,2,1,3,4,4,0,0,11,16,0,0,8,0,1,6,4,5,0,1,20,9,48,5,28,19,2,34,0,0,2,1,32,15,0,4,15,151,59,0,0.0,0.12088069671264992,0.0,0.11122024383681496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1125850335462244,0.08158784036329039,0.0,0.22108398370465707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851850313286019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2298902053126479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668725307599427,0.0,0.0,0.21585383502742164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06579646268888427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549432354967369,0.0,0.0,0.1147622614081183,0.090362189139466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051585947437139616,0.07288532673539984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678080115904356,0.0,0.11186306889215476,0.07882279799322507,0.0,0.0,0.09786985894765768,0.057982081804834426,0.0,0.0815971972112518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.068383936856428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772096550896345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16820769143889466,0.0,0.0,0.10802773742642012,0.11084840230828903,0.0,0.0,0.09968667162286894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08673639565472639,0.0,0.09653672894955098,0.0681012149390407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868650825013948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070560867670068,0.10865127735710146,0.0,0.07759316883683161,0.0,0.0,0.33985375409060176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10659243041614616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13071722727570867,0.104896744063069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17425434878090545,0.1940946721900081,0.162265736314906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147578359612777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670867817339276,0.0,0.0,0.09392916802568227,0.11667231219052306,0.2369133771195437,0.0,0.13074457259109304,0.0,0.0,0.05949049308639466,0.0,0.0,0.1949748982329774,0.11335142378682544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08811520602476706,0.0,0.0,0.06017587077062095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205998375822064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07247428674355634,0.0,0.0,0.06569953478570266 ptsd,NextubeGameArena,2019/04/13,"House fire causing me to wake up running. When I was 15, I woke up to my house on fire. It was such an eerie thing to wake up to and with the crackling sounds, hint of smoke outside of my room, not knowing what was happening and then running, it left a big impression on me. Everything was fine though, just lost the house. I am lucky I woke up. Turned out a stereo in another room randomly decided to catch on fire. 15 years later, and I sometimes will wake up in the middle of the night and just start running because my brain thinks my home is on fire. Last night I ran across the room into my tv before I realized what I was doing. Anybody else have a problem like this? Or maybe some advice.",3.1344220779220784,4.5959053642857155,3.7864935064935072,90.58396103896106,73.92857142857143,7.090909090909091,25.584415584415584,7.686295010490155,1.1786428571428569,541,18,116,7,11,171,84,140,0.11900000000000001,0.8190000000000001,0.062,-0.7964,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,9,0,10,4,4,1,0,20,19,8,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,6,7,0,0,4,2,0,5,1,2,0,0,9,5,15,4,23,9,1,33,0,1,0,0,0,20,0,4,9,76,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660143889234422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814431397079855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356327179098143,0.0,0.14456374391550852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965325138931846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17452366767652516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14192116452953746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15268603685691745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15023302761541335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17041336509033764,0.0,0.0,0.5880902089620234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09336701503295007,0.13848289741993014,0.0,0.0,0.18458581214978956,0.0,0.0,0.08299959610983346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545483310891225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17067718263156836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3188602191082079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16256163618957264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802539938099753,0.0,0.12024890571010832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286726310591486,0.10885855192023527,0.16691590874777065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847913647275244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940348921362328 ptsd,poopoopanther,2019/07/28,"How to know if it’s my PTSD talking? I have PTSD due to a really fucked up psychopathic relationship. I was a grad school at the time. I was working towards a field I wasn’t really sure about. But the relationship mainly took place on campus. And whenever I’m back at school, my body keeps telling me I need to gtfo. I have severe anxiety on campus. But I was having serious second thoughts about my career path the year before the relationship. But there is a dramatic difference in how I was feeling on campus before and after the relationship. I’m looking into different career prospects now because I just can’t be at school. I’m still not sure if it’s my PTSD telling me that I hate my major just to get me away from campus or if it truly is just me not feeling like this career path is right for me.",2.6596480331262957,4.815937863354044,4.500347826086959,81.91457971014495,77.19875776397515,7.523146997929608,24.39792960662525,8.447377352677275,1.7561350724637683,640,22,123,13,15,217,86,161,0.102,0.813,0.084,-0.5882,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,11,6,2,0,9,0,13,2,1,2,2,25,27,11,0,4,12,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,7,3,20,3,20,19,2,21,0,0,1,1,7,13,1,4,8,89,25,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08960479760621383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11004831134127893,0.090066411644074,0.0,0.0714018933002112,0.0,0.19933949245958585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010599516421528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24475366548918925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118449778034708,0.08367831941359012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828560510484586,0.06119604699157835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156424878758141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411130218212496,0.0,0.0,0.06437206482426387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057224228270384085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836043355375017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08685105852096821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237683274459465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41075916900188586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500740737095853,0.0,0.0,0.5030188924209434,0.0,0.1000291259544681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35562809182334176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323245470478651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935408668603525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22078892412435386,0.0,0.0,0.09414535925966916,0.20475509233679226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298882989272553,0.0682999542641482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013671023323242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08527267091094982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07542844223063827 ptsd,freckslj,2019/07/28,"I’m terrified of saying “no” to men who seem interested in me because I don’t know how they will react and it’s ruining my relationship I have PTSD and a few other disorders after sexual and physical abuse that was pretty bad and happened at the hands of a few different perpetrators throughout my life. My boyfriend tries to understand but the two things really struggles with are that I seek validation from others constantly. I want to be told I’m pretty. And I know it’s because that for awhile, when I was pretty young, that’s all that my value was. And that’s all anyone complimented me on and being petty meant I got attention, even bad attention. That’s something I’m working on and doing so much better with and he is learning and understanding it more every day. But the other thing is that I struggle to say no to men that may show interest in me. For example, this front desk employee at my gym asked for my number. I said “oh yeah yeah” and then went on with my workout. I hoped that not giving it to him and walking away abruptly was saying enough. But he took my number from the system and texted saying “hey I never did see you again to get your digits”. It’s awkward and I hate being at the gym when he’s there. So I avoid him. I hide by the women’s locker room if he’s near by and I never speak to him and stopped responding to texts. Well my boyfriend and I ran into him today and he just couldn’t grasp why it’s so difficult for me to straight up reject someone. But I’m honestly terrified I’ll be ridiculed or even physically attacked (I know that sounds ridiculous even when I say it, but hey, PTSD is hard). And I just can’t figure out how to explain this to my boyfriend so he’ll fully understand. I feel absolutely absurd that this is hurting my relationship but I cannot get over this fear. And he’s really starting to take it as me wanting to appear single. And because people will probably ask, I want to marry this guy. I don’t want to appear single. But I want to be better at this. I feel so strong knowing what I’ve been through and I stand up for my friends in tough situations and I try to appear super tough and strong. But this is something I can’t figure out.",2.373533721180781,4.534659755656112,4.025145442792502,84.94835595776773,78.14027149321267,7.014953673777202,23.872225813402284,8.037061389416179,1.4280198664081032,1740,59,344,31,42,581,207,442,0.159,0.6809999999999999,0.159,0.4298,2,1,2,0,1,0,33.0,0,2,1,6,18,29,4,5,8,2,28,2,1,3,4,81,70,46,0,8,13,0,4,0,1,4,1,8,1,4,34,30,0,2,18,4,0,8,11,17,1,1,13,13,52,12,53,47,9,45,0,3,1,0,37,20,0,8,15,243,86,3,0.0,0.10538754830594604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219375034209559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16630671515684214,0.10118995539445172,0.08356855359527092,0.0,0.14853391564125698,0.1626636394780641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15733263436239134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961200149936292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057363401093464425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929305936764528,0.10194086936871817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09190593910366368,0.0,0.17624579332718351,0.0,0.07494161123915935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009000689090147,0.08994846448251193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872016506380317,0.0,0.0929421827650736,0.08532598477704695,0.0,0.0,0.07113897252902499,0.0,0.0,0.08807142900951499,0.07865546224100567,0.0,0.07967896393134984,0.08781666277431976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834435519808331,0.0,0.0,0.0952195110112233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19553159094361924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282583578502861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538621610529559,0.0,0.13720268685992762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06166459066159648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714729653939449,0.0958998172027212,0.0,0.20794836504748326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11396334136529215,0.0,0.0,0.19099139622574834,0.0,0.0,0.08460888379050285,0.35367078014403713,0.0,0.0,0.07087917441040811,0.08097392983394402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998005799251773,0.0,0.0,0.07536443153346023,0.13695135980037515,0.0,0.0,0.06295708349043014,0.0,0.0,0.07436360282879996,0.0,0.1859732537806968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06687700969908215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11818475460934028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431127412069649,0.08499258800112673,0.09882329416315913,0.12077823186615247,0.0,0.08688821042238466,0.2777906228631301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26231597186962297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799739577224757,0.08245468033872162,0.08026075501886805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06475441269729525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Pizzaandpushups,2019/07/28,"How do I know I have PTSD? I've dealt with depression, anxiety and codependency issues my whole life. After years of therapy, CoDA, medicines, working out, meditation, I'm not much better than when I was a teenager. I still get so anxious I get panic attacks, bursts of anger, extremely fear of abandonment, etc. After some research I think I have PTSD, or CPTSD, from years of abuse and secrecy in my family. I'm afraid to bring it up to my therapist but I want to know if it's possible to get a diagnoses. I've asked her before if I might be bipolar, have BPD, etc but she tells me I'm not apparently. She seems to get annoyed if I bring up what I might have and just stresses I keep journaling and going to CoDA. &#x200B; Has anyone asked to get an official diagnoses, if so what does that entail? Did your life get better or worse after having the label? I'm worried that I'm fighting my mental issues all wrong and I just want an answer. I want the fear, self hate and anxiety to stop.",3.030522208883553,4.972360887755105,4.679939975990397,82.04489195678275,75.3265306122449,8.081152460984391,25.81512605042017,8.841846274778883,2.081340096038416,778,28,150,17,17,262,111,196,0.281,0.6990000000000001,0.021,-0.9946,1,0,0,0,3,0,31.0,0,1,0,3,7,15,5,5,6,0,12,5,0,1,1,36,37,18,0,7,12,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,1,6,8,0,3,5,0,0,3,2,13,0,0,2,0,23,2,22,32,6,15,0,2,0,0,9,4,0,10,8,98,29,2,0.0,0.12609071924371695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11530641068711332,0.12931238018141664,0.0,0.0,0.16282256129467576,0.12022471032844068,0.0,0.07441158693940833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989773333402715,0.12106851768565315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055588427332066,0.0,0.0,0.188240312505148,0.0,0.0,0.13403271229020094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165969622490873,0.21602884133731665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312917022375516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373736545936309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032363996569513,0.2395049730418731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3336014603615536,0.0,0.06048114047025115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506806874994154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2221504044634684,0.0,0.09459130165951073,0.0,0.0,0.1169716884644434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503356885810571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10724668797653393,0.2257903593634519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0782312061516727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486135759463288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997296083740536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24879940121837724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968810947486119,0.11101964016975463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08498743334514633,0.08897218235893302,0.12190415763120613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301608134566117,0.0,0.12170095110306413,0.1235622350459828,0.0,0.06818986671797568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883084487332508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11881452638950317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747528624067786,0.10807503674426094,0.10845143396673383,0.0,0.11635395255646275,0.12931238018141664,0.1370624395853591 ptsd,gab5e,2019/07/28,"Scared of females and intimacy (Anyone else?) Hi, Not sure if this is the right place, but anyway... I’m a 28 male struggling with lots of issues (won’t go into details) but i randomly stumbled upon a video on YouTube depicting a love story and there was a scene where the girl very lovingly gets on top on a guy , me feeling sad and hurt because i never had any experience with a girl, i noticed that I associated the girl getting on top on that guy with my mother when she was pushing/hitting me to the ground with her foot in my back, when i was a child. I felt hurt in my stomach area (heart?), and it triggered fear and painful feelings pushing me towards the point of crying. I feel so defenceless, i have a hard time standing up for myself, and when/if i do, it is in a very aggressive way, not asserting. I feel like i don’t deserve anything, not even own opinions. I can’t open up to people, i don’t trust anyone, i feel like i don’t like people yet sometimes/often i find myself longing for someone/something to hold on, as i’m mostly all the time alone. I’m trying to come to terms with many things, maybe i can find happiness inside myself, but maybe this is just a cheesy bullshit thing to believe and in the end we all need someone? I don’t know... My emotional state is a rollercoaster. I feel angry, bitter, hateful, disgusted with others, then with myself, and i turn to sadness, loneliness, pain, despair. Then i move towards in between and i try to rationalise, find ways, hope. I wish i could find a way out but time is flowing so fast, i hope it won’t get to late for me and somehow i manage at a point to live my life freely at least for a bit.",4.366328252585735,4.977541751497007,5.3458791507893295,83.77575394665216,70.10778443113773,7.869134458356012,30.151878062057705,7.84624498591911,1.9089389221556887,1291,50,262,15,22,425,178,334,0.231,0.65,0.11900000000000001,-0.9912,0,1,1,0,0,0,55.0,1,0,0,2,13,24,4,3,21,0,20,8,3,1,4,59,44,22,0,6,9,1,8,3,0,2,3,0,0,7,10,22,0,1,12,1,0,5,11,14,0,0,5,9,42,10,46,36,8,55,0,5,0,2,14,30,0,8,18,178,52,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661550647473822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343724822660966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130454594735883,0.09558188210724464,0.07676590834041931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07173068880660284,0.0,0.056865893678097884,0.0,0.0,0.10510066349964434,0.0,0.0,0.10184345970466564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08035708333468577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744807745860154,0.0,0.1024695949427997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07792795373534453,0.104933481635803,0.08262314630518734,0.0,0.0,0.06161410488978511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125098866096212,0.0,0.10497197237860227,0.2830073057977053,0.13328616917560238,0.0895685811014801,0.0,0.3410445405150921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621326161946535,0.0,0.053016223640246427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18473435861400156,0.0,0.09930400745374857,0.08356536542228596,0.09209998665675884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105436086545756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1853068353520443,0.0,0.0,0.1997278287865272,0.0,0.0,0.09736568650354298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05126719789831381,0.0,0.10522995682746984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658902132545275,0.13672355438613726,0.0,0.08237268783608145,0.08255461398298038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930788282590544,0.1683873710457357,0.0,0.0,0.09457672008534652,0.18743537844947186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914758167036954,0.0,0.06916991737065084,0.0719474256357533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620600824417466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985244144868995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934465505078,0.0,0.09746335339116144,0.0,0.1763696479952311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07966519343294529,0.0,0.0,0.09339492579969992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904038845638844,0.07181563277264512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752211966727674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792035409878962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394930504846745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16318634245763813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12666928111224546,0.10146769136875704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15394039427210282,0.0,0.2221367459569011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727356789639553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,stainedblur,2019/07/28,"I have an irrational fear of redheads A little over a year ago I was sexually assaulted, manipulated, drugged, and raped by a male with red hair over the course of about 5 months. Aside from no longer being able to have sex, I can feel myself disassociating from my body when a male with red hair from my work talks to me. If I am in public and see a male with red hair I am immediately stricken with fear. Has anyone else had any irrational fears like this? How were you able to overcome them?",7.158556701030928,6.254099494845362,7.425484536082475,76.37905154639176,64.36082474226805,10.64659793814433,30.74020618556701,9.888512548439397,2.471566597938144,389,11,82,7,5,127,67,97,0.282,0.695,0.023,-0.9798,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,1,1,3,6,2,3,7,0,10,7,4,2,0,10,12,5,0,1,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,1,6,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,3,8,11,1,17,8,0,8,0,0,4,2,7,4,0,1,5,52,12,1,0.3935858481663823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444505339416014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382593669348258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760218818236114,0.2016376066350641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21859257486738196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228217314318123,0.0,0.16439523615503154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6643402538496084,0.09950441538222887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09614308231249392,0.1972382092875221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15707823448919184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681848162853124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817469799459352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14326759252497698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267281910001156 ptsd,goghsyrup,2019/07/28,"TW: suicide, triggers, flashbacks So this is my first time fully explaining my situation, but hopefully someone can offer words of advice or comfort or even just acknowledgment. A few months back, my partner killed himself by hanging and I found him. I've been through the majority of the grief stages, but I've been told I now have PTSD from it all. I haven't sought counselling because I feel as if it doesn't really matter. As my brother put it, I've now got a life sentence. The reason I'm posting is because I've been eagerly binging Orange is the New Black and one of the characters tried to hang themselves. It triggered a flashback and now I can't stop thinking about it all. It's so fucking hard.",3.769313725490196,5.972641617647064,4.534411764705883,82.73901960784316,74.0,6.886274509803924,31.92156862745098,7.793537801064563,2.37596274509804,564,28,102,8,12,181,91,136,0.12300000000000001,0.778,0.1,-0.6383,0,0,0,0,0,1,15.0,0,0,0,1,9,6,2,0,8,0,11,2,0,3,2,23,20,12,3,2,6,1,2,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,6,0,0,3,3,3,0,2,6,3,11,3,10,14,4,14,0,1,1,1,7,0,1,4,9,68,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20179901069021725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587933081415435,0.0,0.251772944824677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13639779160643464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10441757231926077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565715143624525,0.0,0.2264273637725532,0.0,0.19091500532583552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651647718836063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18499224031207495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20511085210771604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22847252410917845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586399644157722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648341718963185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994484755871377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993640176646405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19777932752184504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24139893405561394,0.20759941226947148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13229548172074232,0.21232649400512454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321256954408004,0.0,0.0,0.17497510436045408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726514603883355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258882303749838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323231571981601,0.0,0.0,0.12041753951939314,0.0,0.0,0.19732898733216814,0.0,0.14020661534392695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,snowwhiteeee,2019/07/28,"I hate my life and my stupidity.. So for once in a long ass time I decided I wanted to go shopping, something I haven't done in so long due to having bad anxiety. I went to an h&m, tried on the clothes in the dressing room. For context, the dressing rooms were curtains and I'm rather tall. As I went out to show my guy friend that joined me, I turned and walked into the wrong stall. Of course, I closed my eyes the moment I realized someone was in it and quickly closed the curtains. I apologized so much, but she clearly was upset. I understood this. I was molested and raped a lot through my childhood to teenage years. I've dealt with so much pain and agony. So for her to say I violated her tore me to shreds. I went in my stall and the episode began. Everything I went through hit me all at once, I felt it all. I wanted to die in that stall. I felt like a disgusting human being, even though I never meant to walk in on her... I left the mall and I'm now buring my pain with drugs once again. Next time I'll crouch down to make sure it's empty... Or just stop shopping out in general.",1.925533333333334,3.7035879866666686,3.1672777777777803,92.39225000000003,78.02222222222224,6.455555555555558,24.13888888888889,7.365786028017652,0.8768888888888893,847,29,189,11,20,274,126,225,0.245,0.7,0.055,-0.9936,0,0,2,0,1,1,33.0,0,0,0,0,12,14,6,1,12,0,8,7,2,1,5,36,26,17,1,3,4,0,2,1,1,0,4,1,4,2,6,15,0,1,6,4,2,7,2,11,0,0,14,4,34,3,34,10,5,43,0,0,1,2,9,21,1,2,16,122,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669695741551552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965139257867427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534037251220348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093670035606553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910798481469762,0.0,0.0,0.14630838331084012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332910564630433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338667136762301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24227146594260435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09747279273785496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170102541599382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492065666607212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245592958280018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707586660964385,0.0,0.08911226660138198,0.061636598352279234,0.0,0.0,0.22329958903024286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10725879988691088,0.0,0.0,0.08421441230137215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548782833762734,0.0,0.09730425594116296,0.0,0.13417519248950105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030766621393807,0.0,0.0,0.2684914750890452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10032944076431864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689703099296777,0.09712601458826148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547745394735282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890661218342465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395396252865787,0.0,0.1471326735440512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856560192412505,0.13722851267381686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488277586885162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4678154052430038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793882927200748,0.0,0.08124447875715746 ptsd,CantSeeShit,2019/07/28,"Might lose my job because of my Ptsd.. So à few months ago I got a new job and felt great, so great that I stopped going to therapy. Yesterday after a few weeks of making mistakes I got blown up on and sent home. I realized that I still need weekly therapy sessions because if I don't, than I just snowball until my mind is engulfed and eventually collapses. So now I may be jobless. I texted my boss after apologizing for my behavior and opened up about my condition, he seemed supportive but now I just feel really awkward. Over the winter I spent time in outpatient after I got raped and was going to take my own life, it's been a long road since that shit happened to me in October and it's fucken hard to live with everyday. If I don't get the weekly help I need I just harbor everything until it collapses. I don't know what to do now, living with the shit is all so new to me, it's awful.",4.288606557377051,4.846670825136613,5.897390710382518,79.94313524590166,70.2568306010929,9.597267759562843,28.91120218579235,9.725611199111238,2.583215300546448,703,25,143,16,12,241,106,183,0.187,0.758,0.055,-0.9739,3,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,12,9,3,1,6,1,11,4,2,2,1,30,29,15,0,5,6,0,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,8,9,0,1,5,0,1,3,3,6,0,0,8,3,25,3,24,18,4,33,0,1,0,1,4,8,2,5,22,98,33,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11388104704226035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566284365049946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546069767528115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0649583739325197,0.0,0.12335150219664055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06712035716109467,0.0,0.14602510716136324,0.0,0.3082479732345467,0.2832776139787811,0.0,0.0,0.1136057398529533,0.0,0.11508403091449487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08611084145950071,0.0,0.12886604716160954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549736247483642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07060384117288379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907422746352812,0.0,0.0,0.2268830132084717,0.11369205052524987,0.0,0.14372524972582407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575483062823812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628653976138336,0.12971824075147875,0.0,0.1025436575192547,0.0,0.0,0.19051799435832056,0.0,0.24815456574392114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15017474431747302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230127535357014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169544103548672,0.0,0.0,0.2637455499654753,0.10627184546403387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10259643721250976,0.10740680782742516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14578641723763655,0.0,0.0,0.09659357340927913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938336527434694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491198450983184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3091530439284749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alexolliexx,2019/07/28,"Got hit by a car a few months back .... I had a concussion , broken foot, and scars. I get nervous walking the street and when I'm in a car I get nervous when I think a car is getting to close .",1.6064285714285695,2.105311547619049,3.6366666666666654,93.925,76.38095238095238,6.552380952380951,25.904761904761905,6.42735559955562,0.6677047619047621,143,5,36,1,3,49,28,42,0.196,0.804,0.0,-0.743,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,2,6,0,2,1,1,0,0,4,9,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,3,6,1,11,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35336097794400434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7202783351702728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36753932516266186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3668036446973858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2944572462115441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lolo_now12,2019/07/28,"Symptoms of PTSD? Few months ago I suffered a psychological trauma. Since then, I developed weird symptoms and I’m still wondering if they are PTSD related or if it’s something worse. -Constant rocking/swaying sensation (I feel like I’m on a trampoline or a boat 24/7) -Disorted vision. My vision is kind of foggy and just « weird ». Almost as if I was half asleep. -Brain fog. Zero concentration. -Panic attacks Can someone relate to this? Are those symptoms « common » in the PTSD spectrum? Thanks :)",2.1294827586206933,4.093397666666668,3.196155172413796,79.89561206896556,112.5632183908046,5.41816091954023,26.18908045977012,6.742157984588678,2.246572873563219,395,19,59,8,20,126,67,87,0.195,0.679,0.126,-0.7808,0,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,0,2,9,1,1,4,0,5,5,2,0,0,11,10,9,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,0,2,1,1,6,3,6,9,1,8,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,7,7,37,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451131292097149,0.0,0.16392524313439846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18623617657694685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18274706183646355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690514849178224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277332492582964,0.11694969525462358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170471832085429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07997718052061567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066644019971427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920705918032972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5740813149028319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541709040007707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13870530453318386,0.1260268251271218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073369481886196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5104513379497411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15071603665856315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17752928372286406,0.0,0.0,0.16682768396234507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bbellacruz,2019/07/28,"my friend had a ptsd attack Hello everyone. My friend just called me and told me that she had an “attack” (in her words) a few days ago, probably relating to ptsd, where she also hallucinated. Our conversation was brief so I have no idea what triggered it. I also don’t know where these issues come from. She once mentioned having had an attack in the past but it always remained vague and it was always something she’s never been comfortable talking about (which I can understand). I don’t really know what to do, I want to help her, but I have so little information on anything. Obviously I don’t want to push her into telling me things. That’s why I want to ask all of you who experience/have experienced attacks like that (I know it’s so personal and different for everyone, but in general terms), what is the best thing I can do right now? Or in the future?",3.6845252352438,5.625524796407189,5.10166381522669,79.7322904191617,73.49101796407186,8.60376390076989,25.70102651839179,9.23628265651192,2.2141278015397785,679,23,130,16,14,227,100,167,0.098,0.777,0.125,0.6826,1,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,1,1,0,1,11,9,4,0,7,0,17,0,0,1,3,25,27,12,0,3,5,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,15,5,0,0,6,0,0,3,5,4,0,0,7,1,24,5,15,20,4,20,0,0,0,0,23,10,0,1,8,99,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873414494946804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618855070821886,0.20413237998918654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009419368660886,0.0,0.11467418673618628,0.558191571749161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128728193768289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252535550667607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10566408719796262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07910806683435426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815766630599298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234421223423027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953964747932536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221902555482657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13847261076320186,0.0,0.1280292410060516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20223861211688735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059927384839249996,0.12294145131065605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946059605521258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13063304864040398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709657087650352,0.0,0.10710538484773574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322524293201222,0.0,0.2867750664481651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858163440050116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047542991385279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443266192054743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859259522952014,0.1072136539638891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16298488737102876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172106117115135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127697444366475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21705103643247867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11068508929348922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WarriorsRoundtable,2019/07/28,"Warriors' Roundtable: ""Not Forgotten"" // Interviews with 2/7 from 2008 deployment to Helmand Please share this podcast with someone that might find this helpful, particularly those who have done a combat deployment...or seven of them: [https://www.facebook.com/warriorsroundtable](https://www.facebook.com/warriorsroundtable) **Warriors' Roundtable**: ""After an intense combat deployment in 2008, veterans of 2/7 were featured in 2015 in a series of articles in the *New York Times* and an article in the *Psychiatric Times*. This publicity dubbed 2/7 as “The Forgotten Battalion.” Many of these Marines and Sailors desire to be remembered for the mission they accomplished and the honor of serving their country and their Corps. They reject the moniker, “The Forgotten Battalion”, which inadvertently feeds into a narrative in society that paints veterans as broken. The majority of 2/7 veterans have continued to live their lives, finding ways to thrive and continuing to write their personal narrative. As you listen, enter into these stories and conversations, discussing healthy coping skills and providing tangible examples of hope. "" You can watch on YouTube or download as audio podcast on iTunes, Google Play, or Stitcher. [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7OQ9BKVj2\_o8QSq0HZu8vA](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC7OQ9BKVj2_o8QSq0HZu8vA) iTunes: [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/warriors-roundtable/id1461732654](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/warriors-roundtable/id1461732654) Google Play: [https://play.google.com/music/listen?u=0#/ps/I74pq647ewtdrqtnuk53r74slqi](https://play.google.com/music/listen?u=0#/ps/I74pq647ewtdrqtnuk53r74slqi) Stitcher: [https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/warriors-roundtable](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/warriors-roundtable) \#warriorsroundtable #notforgotten #afghanistan #usmc #marines",23.03067708333333,30.271025713541675,11.248124999999998,33.41770833333337,34.05208333333333,11.975,44.52083333333333,11.319583603955671,7.001539583333333,1595,65,119,37,18,369,121,192,0.049,0.795,0.156,0.9584,0,0,0,0,0,0,156.0,0,2,7,3,0,6,0,0,13,0,7,1,0,0,0,21,9,13,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,10,11,1,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,1,2,3,9,5,31,5,1,18,0,1,1,0,19,10,0,4,6,81,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20987305622081004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37488776556941855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746408518052242,0.0,0.0,0.20369557989389314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.362187447307332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20792389882054652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21756266915041805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807227397378005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790722238149595,0.0,0.2251216338931181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323212123058461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17376776988367046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2391733083817251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4933837655004952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278684736577986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Shius,2019/07/28,"I woke up from a nightmare screaming ""Please help me"" Vent. As the title suggests. I was asleep on the bed, planning on just taking a simple nap. When I woke up I was in a dream, but my legs wouldn't move. I was alone in a foreign room, on the ground. I was a kid. Something sinister happened, I don't remember what, but I needed to get out of that room. Immediately. I couldn't use my legs, so I used my nails on the carpeted floor and I crawled. I fucking crawled. When I got to the carpeted living room, there was a red sofa on which my grandmother was sitting on. She was oblivious to my screams for help, as she sat and watched TV. Loved ones came out of the doors leading into the living room and each of them hurt me. Physically. Continuously. I escaped and crawled to the kitchen. A loved one, a person I trusted dearly in childhood was cutting up lettuce. I raised my arms at her, screaming for help. She turned to me, and stepped on me. As hard as she could, she stomped on me, making me throw up. It hurt. It hurt so much. The last memories of the dream include me raising my arms at her, still believing she would help me. And screaming. I was screaming ""Please help me"". In real life, my boyfriend had approached me, and woke me up. I started, apparently screaming ""Please help me"" in a high pitched voice. He asked if I was okay. I couldn't answer. I took a shower to wake up, and while I was there, I kept seeing solid hallucinations. The tiles. They were filthy. They continued being filthy no matter how many times I scrubbed them with my feet and poured water over them. I left the shower feeling more awake, but shaken. Someone, anyone, please talk to me. I think I really need help.",1.7122176859639069,4.198093740181271,2.7291303992814555,91.42978933616398,82.89728096676738,5.391067200130644,24.05168612721483,6.766488616294105,0.7993724340654862,1312,50,269,15,37,416,165,331,0.124,0.6970000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.9486,3,1,1,0,0,0,64.0,0,0,5,2,9,16,2,0,22,1,20,13,7,5,0,39,45,23,0,8,5,0,2,0,0,2,1,7,12,2,5,15,2,1,4,4,0,7,5,11,0,2,21,12,62,5,44,18,3,51,0,3,3,3,28,33,1,1,10,182,67,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10763671283271496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266796119816382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09715743026861406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708979591797634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11886445210065448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297700895217333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254845937812402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607855439661904,0.05429740845097145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311967146186806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919020327076878,0.0,0.093097904973166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4876191084164027,0.10980425869222228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33376702771958433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471412691436747,0.0,0.0,0.1129166576406309,0.0,0.07340649779047946,0.0,0.0,0.1835383505066948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759579867901094,0.0,0.06937187557107127,0.10536535626554132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045762906704913,0.07639807840335931,0.1541206542168062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408468356506593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09074478098263454,0.0,0.4563212077646015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829133077004628,0.06657810168058685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11772868555035496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08281612006805175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805675098014408,0.08000784681152665,0.0,0.0,0.0735598492624683,0.0,0.08299599246130167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813994041412198,0.0835323403518071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659202944838068,0.0,0.0,0.06060049130907885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11546638152905454,0.0,0.11304240029537188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17951859195878114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738265419578277,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sunlovepixiedust,2019/07/28,"How do you get the nightmares to go away? Hello first time ordering to this sub. I've not been formally diagnosed with PTSD but I've had a long history of anxiety and depression and bipolar 2 asking with what was 10 years of anorexia and bulimia. Recently a couple months ago I had a trauma and the nightmares that had once gone away ( they started when I was extremely young) are back. Full fledged. I don't fight the sleep as I'm pregnant and exhausted, but every night for the last two months I've had nightmares. I wake up soaked in sweat and feeling like it was so real and I can't normally get my head right for hours, and even when I think I'm okay for now my body feels so strange, almost foreign. I'm exhausted all day and extremely emotional. I feel like I can't trust anyone, I'm so tired of isolating myself from so many situations but I'm afraid to go the store, I'm almost to afraid to leave the house by myself. Is there any hope for getting these nightmares under control without seeing a therapist or taking medications. I have been a long time user of marijuana but recently decided to quit/ slow down on it due to my pregnancy however I feel that all my symptoms are only exaggerated now.",3.9648167888074615,5.743575932489453,5.207226293582057,79.94636242504997,72.37552742616035,9.040106595602932,29.35132134132801,9.549672527348893,2.8341864978902964,964,40,183,24,19,320,140,237,0.131,0.789,0.08,-0.9239,1,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,1,1,3,12,12,1,2,11,1,17,12,5,2,2,33,39,22,0,2,7,0,4,2,0,0,7,0,0,0,7,11,0,1,6,0,1,3,5,7,0,2,10,5,18,5,28,29,3,37,0,1,1,0,5,9,0,4,26,113,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10685884287547326,0.0,0.24142352790294225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08197701490268006,0.0,0.092219161308537,0.0,0.0,0.0842902124205058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269643871306095,0.0,0.2265182946992055,0.09269424367641194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13390204627195612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13520523011106111,0.0,0.13338446149116456,0.0,0.07774371599614124,0.0,0.10382812116999612,0.12235404238929505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13560067355254604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962105129028148,0.0,0.10156718795277693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.243811480620668,0.1722395372163425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025383688349264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18894461947548055,0.0,0.13702081590661624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371739001389315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197317162068434,0.11871584665756435,0.13909661606879295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982629983681192,0.0,0.1276433017060076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11778767384341793,0.0,0.0,0.21336300075919826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221711074521192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12143978492265292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19244109307600704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312646461634007,0.11811179266229813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283800633692046,0.0,0.09168245578512524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14091457554767756,0.0,0.0,0.12821801370026878,0.0,0.1372104189206764,0.0,0.0,0.2380539141980977,0.0,0.0,0.10294763615768003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960614311627967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13550140134096073,0.1206354131733233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08532474584013114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529589756305973,0.09063736022634462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1399659309464684,0.0,0.0772425180941834,0.0,0.0,0.140585429975111,0.1385526002256857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11775822607666912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620431204989948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762918802504525 ptsd,taqciturnium,2019/07/28,"Invitation: Mental Health Sub For Over 30's: /r/MadOver30 /r/MadOver30 is a sub for general discussion of mental health issues for people any age over 30 years. It was started about 12 months ago because some people in the community at /r/mentalillness expressed an interest in being able to discuss their mental health issues with older people. Its a relatively small, and close-knit community of 3.5k members. The sub supports all approaches to mental health, but tends to feature posts relating to more progressive thinking. All are welcome.",9.01873188405797,10.710174423913042,8.09,64.37166666666668,60.19565217391305,10.915942028985507,39.2463768115942,10.864195022040775,4.9356898550724635,445,22,61,11,6,138,65,92,0.0,0.914,0.086,0.775,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,1,1,1,3,0,0,5,0,4,4,0,0,2,8,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,16,6,4,14,0,0,0,0,5,6,0,1,6,34,3,0,0.141706827749499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256145526992037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636550220383908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863831669208721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6025109255508404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958102231615958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5712286102796181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131090379476533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29472501542372365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571596959883386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10030082204213507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080722882824766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080001335095894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912545510298298 ptsd,oharacopter,2019/07/28,"Could I have ptsd? I'm 18F, when I was little my dad would always call me names and yell at me and he's publicly humiliated me a few times too. He's a much different person now though, over time he somehow changed to be a lot better person but he's still scary sometimes and I'm uncomfortable around him because of the past. I tend to have flashlbacks a lot of him yelling and calling me names and it really messes with me a lot. I know he's a better person now and I just want the bad thoughts to go away because it's hurting my relationship with him. I can't go to therapy either, I've been asking my parents for years since I also have depression and anxiety but they don't let me go and I don't know how to drive myself. I just wanna figure out what this probably is so I can have a little bit of peace at least.",1.8970712909441223,3.5558127341040486,3.7773641618497122,88.52288631984587,77.72832369942195,6.694258188824662,23.09402697495183,7.554174236665415,0.894298188824663,645,20,141,9,15,218,100,173,0.142,0.79,0.068,-0.9259,2,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,1,2,13,6,0,0,9,0,15,0,0,1,0,32,26,15,0,4,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,4,12,0,0,4,0,0,4,3,4,0,0,3,2,24,2,18,19,8,20,0,2,0,0,21,8,0,4,8,99,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589483015297567,0.11018259541468754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129960212413212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788032066134235,0.12379319265597018,0.0,0.12441130889325396,0.0,0.11056371125833794,0.16144187756570622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23422637021393325,0.14456643771028246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2704276858556833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14008095505602988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057252011177455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405164842724635,0.0,0.0,0.13834889199481015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22576903656104794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175648000867488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455472190956563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540663667217312,0.0,0.0,0.2654357567412694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3377317935506189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973426531783042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470348007988545,0.0,0.12640820720374227,0.0,0.3468675362342107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427692746555985,0.0,0.15478985314898164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483052449233155,0.0,0.0,0.1421676490110993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953774836116116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13096503946661775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574938896623337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143181420119306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010026256322274,0.10512530268210178,0.15442829796816235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.078103717247423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940661286166374,0.0,0.0,0.08527301429088738 ptsd,SOfoundmyotherone,2019/07/28,"This might be oddly specific, but what do y’all do for sweating during night terrors? Does anyone else drench their bed every night? I was fucking golden for months, but the past three weeks have been absolute hell. I. Can. Not. Sleep. Every time I manage to fall asleep (after weed, CBD, meditation, journaling, wine, you name it, I’ve tried it), it’s straight into nightmares that leave me exhausted when I wake up. I don’t just mean physically exhausted —I mean I wake up literally dripping in sweat and unable to catch my breath. I can vividly remember last night’s scenario, like I was there irl. It ends up being on my mind all day and feeling like real trauma. Outside of even what’s causing the flashbacks (probably a combination of PTSD medication withdrawal and recent environmental triggers), does anyone have any practical advice for regulating sweat? When I say I wake up soaked I mean my bed, sheets and body literally look like I either ran a marathon or visited a waterfall. The smell is awful and I’m tired of washing my sheets every night.",5.55162348877375,7.5516589119171025,6.058051813471504,74.54631778929192,68.68911917098445,9.084490500863557,30.483246977547488,9.558583805096642,3.0601926770293613,842,34,142,19,15,272,129,193,0.153,0.774,0.073,-0.9647,0,0,1,0,0,0,30.0,0,2,1,0,5,9,2,1,6,1,14,17,10,2,1,24,22,10,0,0,6,0,1,3,0,1,5,1,2,0,8,6,1,0,5,2,0,4,2,6,0,1,4,5,20,3,16,15,2,28,1,0,2,1,6,9,2,2,18,81,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146934055913185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08453161612110445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17383379688941575,0.12736509215469288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13807475652448173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12769540617593494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016639742512909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21756016672965747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384081993481174,0.0,0.11009727378525057,0.0,0.0,0.08210223500842312,0.0,0.31419679843368564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06285230838855116,0.0888034680094978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11491790628930272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132511005461127,0.0,0.13162097440425094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821873321616425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438483559066536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062135354253885,0.0,0.12522414109733065,0.0,0.13186788873732416,0.1255125456157799,0.0,0.0992190105064129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4666070308336408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186631226580422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340217405579616,0.0,0.1453058131014627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1414862260328456,0.0,0.0,0.12273612374767046,0.0,0.14081325576350018,0.0,0.0,0.09885227088430992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12439470318703695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07248320528006916,0.1428702329398385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843948890017045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970991821335293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,garethh,2019/02/24,"I need some help, family member with PTSD I don't know what to do. My brother, he has had it rough for the past decade, the short of it is, was in a bad car accident (someone blew a stop sign), one person died, he didn't through luck only. After that he got PTSD, he lives another state over so I only heard about the months right after, but it was allot of randomly breaking out into screaming and crying in public, or getting extremely furious over random mundane things. At that point I thought he was working through it, he had a therapist, was doing stuff for it. I was hearing things were getting better. But 2? years later, it seems like he is somewhat ok on the day to day, but also has stopped trying for any more. I visited him for a month and he still routinely completely breaks down, you can tell that small things that irritate him just build up and build up until he just freaks out and screams at the nearest person. I've tried to have serious talks or help, I've asked if there's anything to help on a day to day like, meditation, just simple breathing exorcises, exc, exc and it always ends up with either ""you dont understand"" ""you cant understand"" ""this is its own animal"". I even straight up asked ""do you think you can get better?"" and he said ""no"". I don't want him to be like this for the rest of his life. What can I do?!?!!?",5.868988764044943,5.505845411985022,6.2898277153558055,81.67137078651686,66.79026217228464,9.666816479400751,30.53408239700375,9.21078282632365,2.351646891385767,1043,34,215,17,15,338,153,267,0.132,0.773,0.095,-0.8311,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,5,0,3,9,13,1,0,11,1,27,2,1,0,0,38,44,15,1,3,10,1,1,3,0,0,1,5,0,2,20,11,0,2,6,0,0,2,6,6,0,1,13,6,19,7,38,30,7,43,0,0,0,0,34,22,0,10,19,144,39,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178530626908532,0.09550176577128804,0.0,0.0,0.07805074892359863,0.12035130675646635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444981939265104,0.0,0.2145977492110236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583210139185536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20301783472644733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120339115683296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607464621752787,0.2960808106909489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911804415713262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451512312748778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165633957683068,0.0,0.0,0.07580762352310977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10819939622207167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989517028221882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179583260673596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935945686434164,0.0,0.2307932368464975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307718734715344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106878269499533,0.16821939970053934,0.0,0.10134818511498928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18322418126702547,0.0,0.0,0.0851040044246141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777432418334175,0.17458270091144285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956546222663216,0.0,0.200433725940274,0.0,0.0,0.1084992137761502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683310234900413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801698819553356,0.10917704680520814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448659917759688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724825219713006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165924379889677,0.19191361906502585,0.0,0.0,0.13138960073243525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225157652001924,0.10031816871860952,0.0,0.0,0.1332623022090964,0.22875368237208066,0.0735430095027592,0.0,0.09111831134124418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584900878909044,0.0,0.0,0.2389690733459376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06769710662883874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08355736690016377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391115998647507 ptsd,effycode21,2019/02/24,"contacting abusive ex im starting to break down i feel like, all i want is closure/tell him how bad he was to me. who knows is hes a legit narcissistic, or it was the alcohol that took over him. i never want to get back with him but i just want to look him in the face and tell him everything. i just one day up and left without saying anything, he went to work and once he was gone i went to a psychiatric hospital and never went back. He finally got sober literally the day when he got home and saw i was gone. Im so frustrated. this wouldve been the week we met 3 years ago, we were so fucking happy. idk if it was all a lie, or he was just too damaged. Why did me trying to kill myself have to make him ""change"" (who know if he actually changed) i know i probably shouldnt contact him but fuckkk this hurts so bad. I hate the PTSD. theres no excuse for what he did to me",0.4032194848824204,2.288883521276599,2.705117581187011,93.29184210526316,83.46808510638297,6.2983202687569975,20.53303471444569,7.475848149327749,0.5083893617021276,674,20,160,11,19,230,110,188,0.203,0.735,0.063,-0.988,0,0,1,0,0,1,20.0,2,0,0,1,12,10,4,0,8,0,15,3,1,2,4,32,38,16,1,6,10,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,8,8,1,0,4,0,0,6,5,8,0,1,20,4,24,2,16,17,2,24,0,2,2,1,27,5,1,4,13,99,32,1,0.0,0.14993672896307025,0.1234909807842994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121757018292972,0.135239560444809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413686167509148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946126602185772,0.2113218289002569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677385127509685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632238506428068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11373169751959362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398563566829753,0.09040473605217768,0.0,0.13862533832295762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699005926933118,0.066115243643526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242134890225766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13471094020193258,0.0,0.12493831934120088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12693630465969016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547048246192436,0.0,0.2733835418662929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14000478428255522,0.0,0.2086396896001511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749297700025598,0.0,0.0,0.061824153362877415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626706052082066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447066971034578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195200689297763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347677302299854,0.08575108021841876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643836611313526,0.0,0.14792590846654574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006347348562851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08957015620295455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110607085609326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059764849224934,0.08591666333949828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22392094365486406,0.0,0.10150784693339107,0.0,0.0,0.35192919627828473,0.1141883957362772,0.0,0.0,0.1219861633255628,0.0,0.09212724825489993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149169890690114 ptsd,fishonthesun,2019/02/24,"Am I overreacting? I'm stupid and don't know how to tag/mark things, so potentially NSFW or triggering content I've never posted here so I'm pretty anxious about this. But I need to know if I'm overreacting. Basically, when I was 13 I was in a sexually abusive relationship and I developed PTSD from it. I am 19 now. The person who abused me still lives in my hometown. Last year, a girl he had been dating broke up with him, and she told me that he would still talk about wanting me, that kind of thing. I was in the band in high school, and so was he. Anytime I happened to look up, he was staring at me. When I started a job in fast food, I (stupidly, in hindsight) put it on my facebook. He started showing up there the next day. Recently, he sent me a friend request on facebook. I thought I was okay but the past couple of days have been worse than usual. For context, I have nightmares every night and flashbacks every day. So you can imagine that it getting worse has completely derailed everything for me. I'm pretty much just floating around, dissociated, at this point. I have very little memory of the past couple of days. I told my boyfriend I didn't want to come home from college for spring break because I knew that if I ran into the guy who abused me, even just saw him like at a store or something, I wouldn't be able to handle it. Instead of support, I was told that I'm being irrational. He said that I spend too much time thinking about it and that its ""unfeasible"" that I could run into the abuser. Then when I pointed out that every time I come home from college, I see the abuser at some point, my boyfriend said that I shouldn't act like its anything more than an interaction with any other person. That really set me off. I told him, how can I act like I'm fine when I spend each day and every night involuntarily reliving what happened to me? Then I told him not to talk to me. I feel like I'm completely overreacting, but my heart hurts so much from this. I feel completely alone, nobody in my life actually knows the pain I feel from what happened to me. I literally can't even say the words ""I was abused"" out loud without having a panic attack or flashback and I feel so pathetic. But I feel like I've done something wrong here. Can I please get some advice as to if I overreacted?",4.300565217391302,5.289668176086959,5.253641304347828,83.00002717391308,70.5,8.01086956521739,28.28804347826087,8.278499904357787,1.8036086956521733,1811,64,369,26,32,594,216,460,0.149,0.763,0.08800000000000001,-0.9867,1,1,2,0,5,0,57.0,0,1,0,0,28,18,3,1,17,1,31,4,1,3,1,58,74,33,0,10,14,0,5,5,1,3,2,4,2,4,28,18,1,0,12,2,3,8,8,8,0,0,25,13,62,10,54,43,7,69,0,2,4,0,35,27,0,8,36,245,90,4,0.0648045970390557,0.4606971033909182,0.06323993853461002,0.0,0.0,0.06332630220634446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06711801848857797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406934823088018,0.0,0.0,0.07321074875895323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053328661653623086,0.05768983073718816,0.0,0.07372458462731236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03950428086048518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164684431594506,0.2038391611091859,0.0,0.0,0.05174119753763196,0.14341010804115978,0.0,0.20896801969820136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0663176024464722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560565031517077,0.0,0.21840267201902475,0.0,0.058242193194164016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16383575711609988,0.09259283414654428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836197597427251,0.0,0.05006787091762095,0.0,0.06771545448360287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416673963289772,0.1719194734235058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07679375951325039,0.0,0.0684696147910343,0.1300085893480886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06937466145086515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06430856304789928,0.0,0.0,0.06748401541610533,0.10684473523811548,0.05282439594117843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045773403388306405,0.1583012635332376,0.06495123101163655,0.057223646460742274,0.0,0.054419540057979714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291650600862638,0.04805178756839231,0.049981300313202776,0.0,0.06892042414315994,0.12162944867471258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895666031337201,0.07603423169487995,0.0,0.0,0.12372664133355706,0.0,0.11316974900934085,0.0,0.07113598709362924,0.18378387269640376,0.0,0.062064890318231376,0.13185914572380386,0.0,0.0,0.07575310601379623,0.06514651917405738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04151548427976403,0.0,0.06398672149122779,0.06957588477653279,0.0,0.0,0.12328802377508274,0.051535216631524085,0.0,0.06558571195583948,0.05164087356066453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977948973364074,0.0,0.0,0.09173805466334814,0.0,0.10350606981380102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07353948875070103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417496069097228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610658942273035,0.04152416908768587,0.0,0.05144761130527673,0.07557616335647566,0.0,0.0,0.3096178480540633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137310811401193,0.053470579443660536,0.07644686072569641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062469318988211474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13208284158882258,0.04603532640182238,0.07085365366613182,0.0,0.04173203579097815 ptsd,devils_ivy1,2019/02/24,"How do you deal with your triggers? I am in counselling but I realized today I've never actually asked about this and I don't have an appointment for a few weeks. So in October a coworker and I were cleaning a huge piece of machinery when the catwalk broke and he fell 40' to his death right in front of me. I had to run for help and was first on scene where I had to roll him over and tried to help him by clearing his nose and doing chest compressions but I also knew he was already dead. This whole experience has been really hard for me to deal with and I've mostly been off work since it happened. I'm doing a lot better now but still struggling. I've found that any mention of CPR is a trigger for me. I never noticed how much it gets mentioned online or in shows or even real life until this happened but damn it's kind of everywhere and it's driving me crazy. I don't have a full on panic attack or anything debilitating but it does cause me a lot of distress to the point where I will exclaim something nonsensical or make distressed noises, twitch, have flashbacks and generally make me feel terrible. I don't know what the best course of action is here. Would taking a CPR class be a totally terrible thing to do or would it maybe help? I'm also absolutely terrified of heights now. I was already scared of heights before this happened and now I can't imagine ever doing so much as climbing on a ladder. Is there any hope I'll overcome this fear? ",3.380422374429223,5.145813434931512,4.551575342465753,84.10021689497721,73.89726027397259,7.3324200913242015,27.235159817351605,8.07648339933343,1.7531707762557076,1161,44,228,18,24,381,165,292,0.207,0.711,0.08199999999999999,-0.9927,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,2,0,5,18,15,2,6,14,0,29,4,2,7,5,48,44,29,2,3,10,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,14,12,0,0,6,1,0,6,6,11,0,1,10,3,25,4,34,30,11,35,0,1,0,0,16,17,1,9,12,167,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.11706924278196786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26477032235680825,0.19187309461088348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16316161422138264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987215703087482,0.0,0.1121517591196346,0.1364783315216387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10208199647061478,0.0,0.1258966275698999,0.10609993525533544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12323784612417298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24735879053742485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10498281478207076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923623024056413,0.10851586684314476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734949911473623,0.0,0.13499479359597133,0.06065827535773233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204278478910037,0.0,0.13153622589736713,0.0,0.0,0.06267714014849715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31825588448587155,0.0,0.10746572633947132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241231491014348,0.0,0.0,0.11915303401201535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492584224012815,0.06593002533633864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08473533969818611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20398113953699412,0.0,0.0,0.1601561065831807,0.0,0.1205216957108782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17637722328817906,0.0,0.18504992624945354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658177356012913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14075393076412931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340638690601387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13654725940964824,0.07685311562563862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245007405858536,0.0,0.0,0.12010661937234927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992368877895293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235547645176476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580478331590699,0.0,0.0,0.12541422359907206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019929562482673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07969989737371433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11371348050902574,0.0,0.0,0.08144885282818254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622926874049777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13393744824956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733647691750084,0.0,0.0,0.1704404187595029,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BetrothSword,2019/02/24,"It's all a revictimized PTSD invisible person (tw sexual abuse) I have been on my own since 16 when I left a very abusive family. I did things on my own, I was my own advocate and fought for help and developed independence at an early age and adulthood while navigating the system. I managed to complete high school alone and went to College and never finished, I have worked minimum wage jobs. Throughout age 16-23 I was always revictimized because of my health and mental health. Nobody understood me or heard me. I was always unheard and felt invisible. Jumping through hoops and navigating the system while I was in extreme pain physically and emotionally. I never had any breaks. Hospitals suck for mental health and the Canadian Government sucks for mental health for help. I learned to shelter myself and do my own things. I became angry and bitter because that is how I found results. I knew when I was angry people heard me but when I wasnt nobody did. Its sad. I am 25 now. I struggle with PTSD all stemming from my childhood. Mostly from my father who sexually abused me, a teacher assaulted me, being revictimized again and again. Being attacked three years ago in broad day light by a group of men (I am lucky I am alive), and last year fled family pyshcological abuse. I havent worked in a year. I am on social assistance. I have been denied disability and have a lawyer fighting for me to have it and have a Tribunal in the summer. All my life I am always fighting for everything including my own life. My PTSD comes and goes. I go to counseling weekly. Its very helpful. Lately I want to give up on life. I cant do what I want anymore. I was recently revictimized and its not the doctors fault because they are doing they're job but for me its a big deal. I saw a specialist because I have bladder issues. They ran a bunch of tests, very uncomfortable ones. After all the tests and after hearing the results is when I told them I was sexually abused as a child and teenager. This opened another area. My treatment used to be covered by the Government. I need to get pelvic floor physiotherapy because my pelvic floor is completely messed up. I cant afford it and again I am stuck and left cleaning up the mess of my father in what he did to me. At my last appointment the doctor is sending me to another hospital and specialist for a different treatment for pain and pelvic floor dysfunction just to manage my symptoms. I have felt useless. All of this. I am alone. I am in a relationship and letting my loved one know things that are going on that has taken me years to tell my counselor is draining. When I react to something and talk about my feelings sometimes its dismissed when I was asked to express my feelings and open up more. It is frustrating. When I am frustrated with it, it somehow becomes about me and its not okay. Sorry? I am in a loving accepting relationship and the family is wonderful. My relationship issues are around not understanding my trauma and sometimes I am too ""emotional"" and sometimes its hard to get my thoughts out. All I want to say is, ""imagine what its like inside but add physical pain to it, and sometimes I can see my abusers in my head or their voices."" Its not fault. I own up to my mistakes. I have been trying to change and be this super person. I am exhausted. I have been a horrible person. I am not used to having people around. I have gotten upset when I come back and ask for a tea to be made and no response and I break down. I never had that ever. I rely on it and I shouldn't. Obviously I have attachment issues. I am done fighting. I am done trying to communicate my feelings when something comes up for me and its dismissed, I am trying, I am fed up with my life and I am sick of proving myself and not being believed. I have no idea what to do. I feel so low. My soul is sucked from me. I dont know what is wrong with me. It all happened when I never got around filling my Effexor up and went through withdrawal symptoms. I went back on it and felt better. Since I havent felt the same. I was off it for fivr days and it happened two weeks ago. I dont know what I am looking for or asking. I just am tired of fighting off my PTSD and its exhausting because I dont want to feel the physical pain so I just make myself go numb or step out of my own body to protect myself as I am so used to it and that is what I have been doing for years in order to function and now I am taking time for myself I havent been needing to do that as much.",2.789223606289569,5.003542846327687,4.288433734939762,83.30800285889322,77.03389830508475,7.1125178680825,26.029882240827718,8.106197680908142,1.7695352937172424,3549,136,679,63,83,1179,334,885,0.17800000000000002,0.7509999999999999,0.07,-0.9986,9,2,2,0,13,0,88.0,0,0,4,4,32,40,13,2,30,1,98,28,3,10,14,135,165,72,0,8,16,2,10,1,0,1,21,5,1,5,44,61,2,1,23,0,1,15,22,32,0,4,47,20,133,8,103,110,19,114,1,3,3,2,42,46,3,8,49,525,177,17,0.0,0.3430682737680639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555592004584088,0.0,0.0,0.0999618298970332,0.0,0.0,0.12046400136708504,0.0,0.0,0.03281721354957794,0.1012058074846623,0.0,0.0,0.047859141813151714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288800200780843,0.13534463653918186,0.05490064034741268,0.0,0.07421511488694067,0.0,0.17650641180292584,0.05329736235816847,0.0,0.0543704371594003,0.0,0.04268043374646173,0.0,0.05360395291837576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051050749887378094,0.12471043295866573,0.10119555576876854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06224506059441046,0.049752058970302576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05041952119471158,0.0,0.0987885730886437,0.0,0.09876973492686583,0.16967466355679667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856790203262263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043652281729416036,0.0,0.0,0.04337133559668442,0.0,0.1364805363455598,0.0,0.12200391528750427,0.0,0.1853416619106749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052912597554011134,0.0,0.0,0.050425808858184165,0.046293638378165684,0.08227869815123914,0.0,0.03859647067019673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08534908879087656,0.0,0.04322984554146128,0.0,0.04952680959049679,0.20518473164733905,0.05439047003546398,0.0,0.09703931152286267,0.05098741098876095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054477605082106736,0.0,0.15110698914495438,0.09577758380055153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07956429204687875,0.07867370641140461,0.054437322890865635,0.0,0.1048652957393513,0.04934725308716855,0.13634470344468932,0.023576506479385768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04052471250530365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710977334514901,0.045663051610114434,0.032212706255025585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1458986685623377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03547531096423294,0.07156564993016641,0.148878716995829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06540197603734027,0.0,0.20540040077869226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06691228394924968,0.1264115298847079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22564489441271826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04764912547636855,0.15543365810518373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03837683735779425,0.0,0.04883984904382378,0.03845551712379462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983932137777762,0.0,0.0,0.049193131676878714,0.0,0.07430300092712325,0.19091427442443346,0.054021075473963336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050449922031549584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031744220241286,0.036284141471229985,0.03878809273061767,0.04217977163760197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09618176056203266,0.0,0.0,0.03831160011660616,0.02813972967257692,0.055465672601686486,0.0,0.046112753858388665,0.0,0.0982923983457496,0.0,0.04714122436594341,0.050238461641251904,0.0,0.12503870529259895,0.0,0.11945414407055092,0.11385568674564962,0.0,0.07741959350051049,0.0,0.0,0.13420743390757267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052333931763122364,0.07026505167521922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05276273819497882,0.0,0.15538341107703355 ptsd,darkndarker,2019/02/24,"I’ve become violent towards my boyfriend. I don’t want to be this way. Please help. I’ve had PTSD for a while now from childhood sexual abuse, and later domestic violence from my ex. One of my worst symptoms is my anger. I develop this temper very quickly over the smallest things and I feel I lose control. I start knocking things off of counters and tables, and I throw things at the wall. However, the worst incident is when I shoved my boyfriend. His yelling was very aggressive and triggering, I felt I was having a panic attack. I immediately threw my hands out and pushed his chest, then he got pissed and stormed at me so I put my hand around his throat. This is exactly what my ex did to me. He would push, shove, grab my neck, and pin me down on the ground. He would even take it a step further and squeeze his legs around my stomach forcing me to throw up and not breath. I don’t understand how I’ve experienced this before with someone else that now it seems I’ve become exactly what I hated about them. I have never been abusive and I feel disgusted and ashamed of myself. I love my boyfriend so much he has been everything I never had and has never laid a hand on me. He’s the most patient guy I know and he fully understands my diagnoses, but I can’t believe I actually hurt him... I’m on anti-depressants and I see a counselor for treatment. I’ve been hospitalized before as well. But I’ve just never stooped this low. I don’t want to be like this and I don’t want to hurt ANYONE. Please help. ",2.9637439304881137,4.869872275747512,3.978820598006647,87.1561838742653,75.41196013289036,7.4214669051878355,26.527089189879888,8.263242389622931,1.6989339637107084,1189,45,244,21,26,384,162,301,0.152,0.752,0.096,-0.9514,1,0,0,0,3,0,34.0,0,0,1,2,15,19,8,2,10,0,24,13,10,3,6,46,42,25,0,5,4,2,8,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,14,20,0,1,7,0,0,7,10,16,1,1,11,11,47,3,28,27,4,38,0,4,1,1,18,17,1,2,14,163,61,0,0.0,0.2647689874623038,0.10903459802380712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812581547468678,0.0,0.0,0.1989308544646444,0.0,0.12711161072542498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24679907315808575,0.19015189961330486,0.1258840297570878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12531726466855592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623485814869252,0.11340592298664788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333799160042663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379812415197821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041777822847073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129904065880997,0.0,0.10728052091428526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08936251971123939,0.0,0.0,0.1106325341942308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11031250493452928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14978359831266433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23922345592391825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06140514484778381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05458675335859498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12499985313954347,0.0,0.0,0.100842754563157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08213608965421641,0.0,0.34469932227241096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571269174753584,0.0,0.0,0.1310937689220411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452970049468257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060906848840048,0.11232181269287804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890361695592693,0.10171688096746134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467040721859432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908469035141426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613263143664194,0.08400877725672272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226899072594023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326345098773682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438168255172616,0.1977077995936024,0.08868789154782017,0.0,0.0,0.10046074773493092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874282693587416,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,oct-1-en-3-one,2019/02/24,"How do you find a good therapist? What to look for, to avoid, etc? I have had a few before as a kid but they were pretty bad. I want to find a therapist with experience with PTSD and ideally, EMDR or something else useful. So far my local search on Psychology Today finds people who basically just check every box when they make an account. Is there a better way to find someone?",2.759362934362933,4.999260689189189,4.638262548262549,80.63743243243248,77.24324324324324,7.4718146718146725,22.73359073359073,8.418075326091056,1.564299613899613,297,9,56,6,7,101,61,74,0.075,0.6940000000000001,0.231,0.9229999999999999,0,1,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,2,2,5,5,0,1,6,0,5,0,0,3,0,16,9,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,6,3,9,7,2,6,0,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,2,38,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448234067593962,0.0,0.0,0.14759307469601074,0.0,0.0,0.1534023256871782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448951201042168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19344246823077324,0.0,0.0,0.14613900671556368,0.0,0.0,0.16966726736546947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6341202006489879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548153204483896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565421670845172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577914333189025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12024830904754673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646088671260302,0.0,0.0,0.2027536305510152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14696352245263694,0.13353019343087388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4027773641236629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164410207509443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980500828351673,0.0,0.0,0.1023052345440457,0.13767644318535366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ejakt,2019/02/24,"Marijuana Post EMDR? I'm in EMDR therapy which is going great. Far less flashbacks, I don't feel on alert as much, and less somatisizing symptoms. I know that you can't smoke for as long as you are in this therapy. It messes up how the information is processed, as I understand it. However, is there harm associated with smoking weed after doing EMDR therapy? I suppose this is a bit of a silver lining question, seeing as how I do not know when this will end (if it ever does), but I would love to have the antidepressant benefits after I make it through this therapy.",5.75745740498034,6.519766082568808,7.587444298820447,68.39880733944955,67.07339449541284,10.632241153342072,33.002621231979035,10.608840637214634,3.749643774574049,449,19,79,12,7,158,74,109,0.034,0.853,0.11199999999999999,0.8864,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,4,0,12,2,0,3,1,16,21,11,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,10,2,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,0,2,9,3,16,19,4,13,0,0,1,1,5,5,0,2,6,63,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831127778493264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677769318720152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14855498702093936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171729432583753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08480703959218426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953222525039761,0.0,0.0,0.18491792797364826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18435506898399928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.148431767091764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513787893515431,0.0,0.11195805676824684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12329752264093485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606346411538505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878909174360044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365548784111825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743309891448631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7672347909329795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17460813431355718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1191473649440237,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lordsamethstarr,2019/07/02,"For those who dissociate: how do you detect an episode before it starts? I am 28 with diagnosed PTSD and I started Wellbutrin 8 weeks ago. It has been very positive for me, but my therapist and I have noticed a sharp increase in sudden dissociation episodes. I am having a really difficult time catching myself before it's too late. I am usually ""gone"" for about 1-2 hours, and have really morbid intrusive thoughts. I can prevent them with heavy distraction, but I am not detecting them early enough. This has become problematic because I am at risk for self harm during an episode. I am coming up on a major event anniversary in a few days, and there are multiple triggers I am trying to juggle. I have DBT starting in October, and major anniversary dates have had very busy events booked to keep me occupied. Until my therapy starts though, I am at a loss on how to keep my dissociation episodes under control during regular days.",6.8629027113237635,7.912815385964914,7.51717171717172,68.85636363636365,64.73099415204679,11.130462519936206,35.428495481127065,11.022393298168332,4.346363742690058,745,34,122,21,11,247,110,171,0.125,0.836,0.039,-0.9497,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,2,2,6,5,0,2,7,0,20,1,0,4,0,19,29,11,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,8,0,4,1,1,0,4,1,5,0,0,4,1,21,0,20,25,5,31,0,1,0,0,5,9,0,0,18,89,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108239461327166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09702016033650096,0.17577555133608058,0.27086045797847963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709899915469964,0.0,0.0,0.17850724483827554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20528520286620486,0.0,0.0,0.1615402228434344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644509303306828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673682658635066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829307393315798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17953515935926273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18120042229316516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18604511539907576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20391911223469986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660346581687853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4506063939667633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1820090191637843,0.184792649544364,0.0,0.0,0.15637018751305712,0.12635226838822713,0.0928052773870037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805663261696613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17528810149439605,0.2626411152366358,0.0,0.0,0.12766552723862712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ESD562,2019/07/02,"It’s not letting me outside the house again Unemployment aka being laid off between jobs suck. I have been staying in my room all day, again. It’s like a force that only imposes it’s will when I’m completely sober. I feel like my cat when it stares out the window on a beautiful day. Hang in there people.",1.3827649769585264,3.8090828064516167,2.899769585253459,90.04822580645161,83.83870967741936,6.123502304147466,21.76036866359447,7.447530270364453,0.8907529953917049,242,8,50,4,7,79,47,62,0.11199999999999999,0.7490000000000001,0.139,0.4019,3,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,0,1,4,8,2,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,2,5,2,6,4,1,14,0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,8,32,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3308866484571754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40705462461533776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595701167761933,0.2254552000350668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3641446778924008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131711018367818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3227087802529869,0.0,0.3083594393855967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24001790463218145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218788080251002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363734298122964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fstRN,2019/07/02,"Pregnancy Related PTSD So I've never posted to Reddit before, so bear with me. I'm also on mobile so forgive me for formatting errors. Long post. I had an extremely traumatic pregnancy. I was 19, had only known ex for a few months, and had just gotten out of a long term relationship. I found out I was pregnant and he immediately washed his hands of me, claiming it wasnt his. I was living with him at the time and came home to find the doors nailed shut. I didnt have a key and one door didnt lock so I would simply come in that door, that's why he nailed it shut. I ended up moving back in with my parents (mentally/emotionally abusive alcoholics) while he went about his life. I dropped out of school and became extremely isolated. I was convinced that if I could prove it was his kid he would come back, stupid I know. So I got an amniocentesis for paternity as soon as I could and low and behold it's his kid. That turned out to be a mistake because him and his family spent the next 5 months calling, texting and harassing me every chance they got. He had lawyers calling and sending me letters stating he would be taking custody of my kid as soon as he was born. His mom would call me, provoke me into saying something, and then record the conversation to prove I was an unfit mother. He saw me at a gas station and spent quite a few minutes berating me and saying he would be taking my son as soon as he left the hospital. Me being the 19 y/o I was refused to listen to anyone when they said it literally wasnt possible for him to just take my kid. I spent my entire pregnancy in a hyperactive state of anger, fear, and intense self hatred. 9 months like that. I have not recovered. They did everything they could to tear me apart and it worked. My ex got back with his ex and proceeded to move in together. He never came to a single doctors appointment. He never asked how I was or how the baby was. I was an incubator. I labored alone. I was a secured status patient because I was so afraid ex would find me. My parents wouldn't even walk in the hospital halls with me while I was trying to help labor along, opting instead to stay in my room. I finally had him with just my sister in the room. I had a major complication where basically the uterus turns inside out and you can bleed to death. Finally get that taken care of and on the way to recovery. My parents immediately picked a fight with me saying they were going to tell ex son had been born when I preferred to be the one to do it (why I wanted to do it idk). Get pissed and leave when I refuse. When I tell ex he says he doesnt want to see the baby because hes at a party and doesnt want to leave but send pictures. I do. His girlfriend posts then on her Facebook with captions like ""so blessed"" and that BS. We ended up in a nasty custody battle that I eventually won. That was 8 years ago. We are just now getting to be on good terms after 8 years of almost constant fighting. I'm happily married now to a wonderful man. We have been discussing having kids. I always said I would never have more kids after what I went through, but I am willing to consider it. Problem is, when I think about being pregnant I have flashbacks, panic attacks, nightmares. Remembering how out of control, alone, terrified, and hopeless I felt completely overwhelms and incapacitates me at times. Remembering how it felt to go to all the appointments alone with all the other happy women and their partners is physically painful. I have been diagnosed with PTSD. The idea of getting pregnant and possibly having to be a single mom again terrifies me, even though I know in my rational mind that would never happen. I love my son so much, but I wouldn't be able to do that again. My fear is bad enough that even seeing other pregnant women makes me nervous and horrifficly uncomfortable. I'm an ER RN and when we have pregnant patients come in, I shake so bad I cant even start the IV. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to carry a pregnancy again and that upsets me. I want to expand my family with my husband but I dont know that I will ever be able to. Thanks for hearing me out, just knowing someone is listening helps.",3.725163043478261,5.239926211352657,5.060697463768115,81.8230027173913,72.51449275362319,7.928623188405798,27.551026570048307,8.520386068161287,1.988053381642512,3285,121,640,57,64,1095,349,828,0.139,0.7909999999999999,0.071,-0.9929,3,3,2,0,4,1,84.0,4,1,6,4,47,36,8,8,38,0,83,11,2,8,12,131,142,66,1,22,14,17,3,2,2,13,8,9,6,11,27,57,1,4,19,0,3,15,17,23,1,2,50,15,109,13,95,65,12,112,1,3,3,1,98,37,1,5,54,453,136,6,0.16936432387045566,0.06688967637576752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05004375141753552,0.06033298507920905,0.0565313019101218,0.17541036192219472,0.0,0.04514686286985284,0.0469748949844422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039474491055632034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05277759343857176,0.06422545621009898,0.0,0.13023071082056986,0.09427475738619752,0.10324291984860932,0.0,0.0480388551139596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293991073833986,0.12913844489140416,0.05755940524213785,0.0,0.0,0.14589236847228754,0.059191757095689024,0.06100755544187024,0.06331883018716117,0.13522363131009776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057300407879167466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05778385402076516,0.0,0.0,0.06616457540550276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06350402284649427,0.10000434730307524,0.058332873498568825,0.0,0.14915138480460718,0.10213315148757236,0.04756558249475023,0.0,0.05073791120670667,0.0,0.10644107433749532,0.12705463362606767,0.0,0.0,0.1084108738588876,0.1236868922248902,0.1031972824827772,0.0,0.0,0.06189974644490439,0.0,0.0,0.11798115862350793,0.0,0.06416909883863678,0.04735158647553934,0.1354561215246324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04992277075479161,0.06009715735896853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362863400871098,0.0,0.07568089082909317,0.0,0.056628741988320914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373056885113004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12410427085264795,0.0,0.0,0.119554909800639,0.061338277812857875,0.0,0.039875676882603565,0.05516190248044225,0.0,0.049850600291955406,0.09992139802726148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05095263823925668,0.0,0.037684000439685734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700322892252696,0.1322382994487275,0.13518498748349647,0.1200049820785044,0.041500755117883835,0.0,0.21770701258045427,0.0,0.06004029327753072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651043269184922,0.042936400050735415,0.0600718605569524,0.06623751415994998,0.18805903874171745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272885518044431,0.1622042056446435,0.0,0.0,0.05401959493082365,0.13198522087747758,0.0,0.0,0.060046601967642686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061130033601655,0.12790450889562674,0.0,0.10740283736048062,0.1795804108373219,0.0,0.05713524589553855,0.08997429230121462,0.0,0.05889464226114394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783394733581084,0.04346164363589974,0.0,0.0,0.039958980049633164,0.06017327820185572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05320795696782064,0.0,0.12734089390041198,0.0,0.09868792273168624,0.05197597153512671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03617394003484041,0.05546652943102736,0.0,0.06583846616045105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038329086180613516,0.12281316678744485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13319395506282253,0.044811172342663165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10466828334430986,0.10188330623844567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612227948797163,0.04109974829901788,0.0,0.0,0.3208308170072783,0.0,0.0,0.07271004783006423 ptsd,OliverCreed,2019/07/02,"Help with PTSD from toxic EX T:LDR &#x200B; Met a girl on Tinder, she was in poly lifestyles before she met me, we ended up going out and she became monogamous for me. In 3 short weeks she put me in her Instagram bio with my initials, she paid for a full Disney World Vacation and a cottage retreat. She would call me boo and do all of this extra stuff. A little disclaimer this chick is on all sorts of bi polar medication and is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. So one week, she tells me she is angry because she has a bump on her lip, she was like "" I have herpes on my lip I can't go to work"" I played it off but later asked her, "" oh did u just get herpes?"" And she said "" I have been having herpes 1 since collage"" So basically she withheld that information from me and told me when I OBV would see the bump. Another week she told me she was on this medication Triliptoial (for seizures and Bi Polar) A thing she did not mention to me is that the ENTIRE time we were using BC and having unprotected sex, her Triliptoal meds reduce it's effectiveness by 49%, she later retracted the statement and said her doctor upped her BC to counter act it. In May (on my birthday ) we went to a cottage resort and by the end of the night FLIPPED out on me for letting her pay for everything, We ended up getting into a fight and broke up. We later got back later that week. She told me she had an ex once that wanted to move in with her after 4 months and they got into a fight and broke up ( I wonder if she love bombed him as well) Everything was good until June & she randomly tells me she sent her Ex a love letter and that she misses him. It ends up in a fight because I felt betrayed. She then starts drinking every single night again. Mid June she tells me she wants to be poly again & I agree with her because I just wanted her in my life. Everything is fine until last week when she trys to pick and create arguments. She would rage on me for speaking to loudly to the waiter, and would rag on me for not saying please and thank u. we end up breaking up today due to all of her emotional abuse, she then texts me saying it is fucked up of me to call her out on her behavior. I did consult my doctor for an appointment due to all the stress but I don't know what to do next.",4.605577179221548,4.830061903433479,5.5155231611662,84.13959227467812,69.45064377682404,8.23016131419269,26.36939470179074,7.990435384864732,1.3952718070149484,1781,48,374,21,29,586,220,466,0.11800000000000001,0.812,0.071,-0.9809,0,0,3,0,4,0,50.0,6,0,1,2,10,17,5,1,21,0,32,17,2,3,4,63,63,30,0,8,7,3,1,1,0,5,8,6,0,2,16,33,2,1,6,2,2,7,4,9,1,1,23,8,84,8,70,33,7,81,0,3,1,6,83,37,1,5,37,266,100,5,0.0,0.0952283011500042,0.0,0.08761791718694448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08589378785637312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26125079626712433,0.09766141676563866,0.0,0.08427760172129273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513746267371034,0.0,0.0,0.06180151168784916,0.0,0.14698303827510933,0.0,0.06839110023487642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16413867124655127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452937285523425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07873447771408576,0.09320661401488804,0.0,0.0,0.09040827433354902,0.35593101272414346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771731991554979,0.0,0.21670093278541416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717022942204961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430310553460658,0.08398265556189806,0.0,0.09135511785707856,0.06741266188061124,0.12856250303554406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05387201025377048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0441706385764452,0.06551433617960226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08218635363095145,0.05676949228165944,0.03926595661716895,0.08055438605514202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14507868602554524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892757581214189,0.1619337294226626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06415258375955543,0.08542327599758509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547709361378505,0.15084834285067708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855941175214283,0.05446250393383624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822489855084004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395118232044247,0.08079658805474425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1529053554254307,0.12783091779207115,0.0,0.0,0.06404649766045646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664849843700359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056888087848366624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920664574202636,0.0,0.09200731374902912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21074739186133926,0.0739962239031583,0.0,0.0,0.05339593521335677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04686586647213279,0.0,0.07618375729738129,0.230398179741113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941605734758373,0.0,0.0,0.14221739532153307,0.0,0.32234996333828114,0.0,0.07226455356988253,0.074506137174083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716057639894151,0.05851215643833106,0.0,0.0,0.228377346965602,0.0,0.09766141676563866,0.0 ptsd,Babyhandgrenade,2019/07/02,"Does anyone else jump out of their skin from loud sudden noises? I feel like I'm going fucking insane! My roommate is constantly banging pots and pans around and slamming cabinets in the kitchen. She watches TV insanely loud and when she watches sporting events she screams out randomly and it triggers my PTSD. Also, my upstairs neighbor's stomping around from about 5 p.m. until about 3 in the morning and I feel like I'm going insane from my constant noise. I realize that people are allowed to live their lives but I'm just sick of being surrounded by the constant noise and it's triggering my anxiety. Sometimes my roommate is so loud that I scream what the fuck was that?! Then she gets mad at me for saying something to her. I'm like well you don't have to slam the fucking cabinets. You could just shut them like a normal person. Then she yelled at me it's not my fault you're sick. And I was like yeah I get that but I still think that you could be a little less noisy. Does anyone else suffer from this? Am I just being petty?",2.1710730349111174,4.8008183497536985,2.907346326836585,89.9385907046477,82.2512315270936,5.303833797387022,23.60441207967445,6.7026698264267655,0.8624458770614694,827,30,156,9,23,259,117,203,0.175,0.7170000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.9506,1,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,3,0,12,14,4,0,7,1,13,7,1,3,0,28,27,15,0,3,6,0,3,5,1,0,2,7,2,1,10,11,1,0,4,2,0,3,2,8,1,0,2,12,29,6,22,20,1,24,0,1,2,3,15,11,3,1,15,102,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296299245165554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09849498935684953,0.0,0.0,0.18005289697805454,0.26384344387205444,0.0,0.2292332977713637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4174057777987786,0.0,0.20559611963890195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253436270026527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151116847057463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020184117954753,0.18396102441436826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570876718847309,0.13453529628192104,0.0,0.14634554915584178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3145088156560128,0.1290434092876385,0.22738089228337266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614970247093896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926048138691671,0.11242135070369408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15050429240358545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10238882233529067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911964201188968,0.12733910003493418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282157799552892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249913455760906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576358308936015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheCravening,2019/07/02,"Lead-up to the first anniversary. The first anniversary of my trauma is next week, and this last week has been awful. Everything is triggering me. I’m averaging at least one PTSD panic attack a day. I’m so tired. I just want to get past this. Last night I ended up sobbing in a bar bathroom because someone was bleeding from tripping on a sidewalk. Will future anniversaries get easier? I’m just so tired. (And yes, I’m in therapy.)",2.013975903614458,4.720600096385546,3.712060240963858,83.23218674698798,84.18072289156626,7.175421686746991,25.16746987951808,8.238735603445708,2.122880481927711,340,14,62,8,10,113,58,83,0.24100000000000002,0.68,0.079,-0.9428,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,1,1,5,2,6,4,0,1,0,6,13,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,4,0,3,2,0,4,0,9,10,1,18,0,1,0,0,0,5,1,0,12,36,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22027270714873967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803002937339754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12487001897432595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149141171555726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17401475545791895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3293891447805044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20231875907218969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31565515780877323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20591894115913487,0.18170090794015994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312031173357787,0.0,0.0,0.2271734203192929,0.0,0.0,0.1848338811994287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22633347913638385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1640550911588933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22142335988330236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4450794664865851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420313217223267,0.0,0.3106233978109893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,grainia99,2019/07/02,"Medical marijuana - how well does it work for you? I had to go off my meds in the last year (stopped working, side effect issues). It was hell getting off of them. I have been through a number of meds now and they either have major side effects or work for a while then things go haywire. I am currently dealing with sleep and anxiety issues. While I have a sleep aid that works (and is not addictive!), I need help with my anxiety. As marijuana is now legal here I am looking at trying it but with my history of bad reactions to meds am a little leery of anything. Anything to look out for? Good/bad. Cheers",2.21001400560224,4.537366689075633,3.746407563025212,85.8653816526611,79.58823529411767,6.991876750700281,25.883053221288513,8.07648339933343,1.7618061624649852,472,19,93,9,12,156,77,119,0.105,0.828,0.068,-0.6631,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,2,6,5,4,1,0,5,0,11,4,2,3,0,16,17,10,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,0,2,1,2,1,0,3,2,12,2,20,14,2,19,1,0,2,0,5,8,1,1,9,68,17,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355782197328866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21551450997266025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2318309976869543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352238661648499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452201251904314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12326723843023933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359335901641109,0.0,0.16010758272551545,0.11814640046420627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441526146120613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940417788387794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481942386624748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14117838531393695,0.0,0.0,0.2365732773728719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4693899859393805,0.14190128909992572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444565368035208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2819227759881112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11776498373331153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093580899624622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563446343368287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12664975165281242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101900428634827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09070900331016328 ptsd,furfagcatrick,2019/07/02,"How do you guys cope with fireworks? The 4th is coming up, so people in America are going to have to deal with sudden, inconsistent, and repeated loud noises, bright lights, along with the relative frequency of holiday/family gathering related flashbacks and stressors. How do you guys cope, other than earplugs and music to drown it out?",10.324942528735633,10.243293103448275,9.650000000000002,60.31166666666668,57.620689655172406,13.940229885057473,40.022988505747115,13.023866798666859,5.844774712643678,272,12,39,9,3,87,46,58,0.11199999999999999,0.843,0.045,-0.644,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,11,7,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,2,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,12,7,0,7,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,2,29,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162581862697293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37850472233580296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3461064632826084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20865384898928213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7270516894401458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2545283148199236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Its-A-TA,2019/07/02,"Is it normal to have PTSD from witnessing a pet being attacked? When I was younger, I saw my dog who I had since I was a toddler get almost mauled to death by another dog. All I remember is lots of screaming, blood, freaking out and calling 911 because I didn’t know what to do, and having a panic attack during the incident. Now I get really nervous around dogs in certain situations. If one of my dogs starts barking a lot, I automatically assume they’re being attacking and I get extreme anxiety, sometimes even a panic attack. This also happens if I see my dog playing with another dog in a way I deem as “too rough.” If one of them gets out of the yard, I automatically assume the worst is about to happen and it’s all my fault. Sometimes I’ll even think I hear my dog screeching loudly outside and then when I go and check on them, nothing happened, even though the sounds seemed so real. I don’t know if it’s just paranoia or anxiety or something else. Is it normal to experience PTSD over an incident with a pet?",4.133432835820893,5.5398470199005,5.721572139303483,77.90862686567165,71.33830845771143,8.146069651741294,30.315422885572143,8.648137234880735,2.4668730348258703,805,34,150,14,15,274,118,201,0.21100000000000002,0.77,0.019,-0.9890000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,0,13,13,4,3,12,0,14,1,1,0,3,34,30,19,1,6,7,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,7,11,0,0,7,2,1,1,2,11,0,2,5,7,22,2,22,23,5,14,0,0,2,0,5,7,0,12,5,108,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863982045699813,0.0,0.0,0.08676161543520625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227528222509098,0.16599331828639574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658155203444356,0.0,0.4937046765720889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613617528003493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078323110462183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906317737065693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21497532055577756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10612673063260536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2267319424297848,0.0,0.06165893178791861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878193497191697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12227921772650208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11924955951672768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844733178503702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125997256380889,0.10410172263937108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470349945937028,0.0,0.0,0.2545857393235234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2536444450174438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234885050836018,0.06950323573434332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229011398335888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645467759516849,0.09876772769491286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0897463264752439,0.12195040012232555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352302179201679,0.21460421388361806,0.0,0.0767917290342759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06951777542387776,0.10659357904652636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861164974674477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NTBPCgamer,2019/07/02,"I’m scared I’ve lurked this sub for a bit but i’ve never posted. I just need to talk to someone who understands. I’m scared. I’ve lost so much already, i’ve lost loved ones, friends, my home, my spirituality. Every day i’m scared i’ll be next or that i’ll lose the little things that remain, or that i’ll lose what remains of myself. I feel like everything i do is wrong. I feel scared and alone, and i can barely speak to my family. The only things that have helped is therapy/physical therapy and weed. Thank you for listening i just needed to share",0.8856680161943302,3.2099038421052657,2.8387719298245635,90.32896761133604,85.14035087719299,6.3147098515519575,18.418353576248318,7.61054688173877,0.5042855600539813,434,11,94,8,13,145,69,114,0.249,0.609,0.141,-0.9239,0,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,4,3,14,0,4,3,0,6,1,0,0,1,14,19,7,0,2,5,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,9,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,9,0,1,2,4,11,5,7,16,2,5,0,4,0,1,9,1,0,2,4,48,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14398241516418442,0.15341162355998933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177343505194085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965616341413347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713003789348266,0.0,0.12494188340768506,0.0,0.13105533893072632,0.0,0.14058500850315295,0.09931565462994846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074062247245051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318193056505272,0.0,0.13944802832351205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791797124027549,0.13933419548930487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110548222129579,0.3035127063701193,0.0,0.1254706477818439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10219542712637608,0.2061625948695388,0.10722051237799904,0.0,0.14784895838307366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09420330216109668,0.10573069646539976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314238122866984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5567316250310853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779088513541805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173871620236173,0.0,0.12799060152646902,0.15898106767714618,0.0,0.18471693571742395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14472434225527053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199614660543706,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sassafras-bitch,2019/07/02,"Curious Question: Was anyone else genuinely frustrated when they were diagnosed? When my current therapist gently eased me into my diagnosis by listing situations and knowing exactly how I felt and reacted, I was frustrated. My first thought was, “How is he already in my head?” And then, “Great... another thing to add to the list of things wrong with me.” But then he (my therapist) explained it was more of a header to the list instead of another bullet point. I felt kind of defeated in a way by the label “PTSD”. I’m just wondering if anyone else had a similar experience.",5.585673076923079,7.534525451923081,7.06653846153846,67.55346153846155,68.51923076923077,11.73846153846154,37.03846153846154,11.45678717892309,5.284080769230768,453,25,73,17,8,155,69,104,0.12300000000000001,0.81,0.067,-0.7994,1,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,6,6,2,0,6,0,7,2,1,3,1,20,14,11,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,7,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,9,2,11,2,13,5,1,11,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,3,6,55,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17408316512250413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33083328296577025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22060761905006213,0.32327096609657424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601148769088058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26356297171139864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543116467857296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30293316166432954,0.0,0.0,0.13418370152574868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173922047366961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16189898009684675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16427434788895193,0.08669632899181003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912655317238624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184403551185384,0.0,0.17671825225504004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773197662538105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3663242728608195,0.2096067304107836,0.0,0.0,0.1252374024501455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521613037929813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17107522666942082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1724769588736662,0.0,0.0 ptsd,theclumsyscout,2019/07/02,Sleep problems Long story short I'm out west for work for a weeks. Wake me up in constant cold sweats and Nightmares not sure where I am. The fun part is I know the fireworks are coming so I'm not sure I'm going to handle that any suggestions.,1.4941176470588218,3.549683117647064,2.50172549019608,95.29376470588235,80.56862745098039,4.864313725490196,20.003921568627447,5.6839178017228535,-0.21152078431372606,193,5,42,1,5,61,41,51,0.13,0.805,0.065,-0.3235,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,3,0,3,3,3,0,2,9,9,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,3,6,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,3,22,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1996930075779032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529546614942948,0.0,0.31733281933093155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688884598721734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16138311835082866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598722299051279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3179958275349584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809847113911447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938634506950845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5535258993134244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355494236008112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378170141477126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cryingwthewolves,2019/07/02,"Nightmares despite Prazosin I started Prazosin about a year ago for my nightmares. It worked at first, but eventually my body would, I guess, get used to the dose and it would stop working. I was put on 50mg Seroquel and for a few months it was great. I wasn’t having nightmares. I wasn’t even really remembering most dreams. But now my night nightmares are back with a vengeance. They aren’t always directly related to my bad life experiences directly, which makes me question if they are really due to my PTSD. They tend to fall into four categories: -Gruesome dreams where I or someone I live is a victim of something terrible and violent (mass shooting, stabbing, et cetera.). This is the most common type. -Dreams indirectly associated with my ‘trauma’- e.g., in one I was diagnosed with HIV as a result of what happened -Dreams where I experience the same sort of trauma, although generally the perpetrator is a different person -Dreams where people tell me what happened wasn’t bad enough. In one the perpetrator cane out as gay so someone said it wasn’t possible he hurt me (I know that makes no sense). In another my sister told me that I was just making to big of a deal about things and that the incident didn’t last long enough for me to be upset. These tend to shake me up the most, strangely. So, what do I do? And since 75% of the dreams don’t even really include the the ‘traumatic’ incident, are they even due to my (diagnosed) PTSD? My psychiatrist said he wasn’t comfortable increasing my Prazosin dose past 5mg since my natural blood pressure is pretty low. So any non medication (or different medication) suggestions would be appreciated. Aside from advice, I really just wanted to get these dreams off my chest. They all really shake me up.",5.21076923076923,7.3042624320987715,5.7681481481481525,75.90320512820516,69.74074074074073,9.552516619183283,31.288698955365625,9.943994293440598,3.3673037986704646,1404,61,247,37,26,453,170,324,0.161,0.703,0.136,-0.7692,3,0,1,1,0,0,49.0,0,0,5,3,15,15,2,4,17,0,27,12,3,5,1,39,44,16,0,5,7,1,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,1,15,10,0,1,3,7,0,5,9,13,0,4,13,2,37,2,35,26,10,36,0,2,0,2,16,16,0,10,15,169,52,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986116068671994,0.08945382204616485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08396820337300187,0.0,0.0,0.06862471186896303,0.10581671365255227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759633321311941,0.1685172900070645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11209226580141222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403749564437297,0.0,0.20485036970268494,0.0,0.2108664776996374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20854145972573832,0.0,0.19995745307338075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974257389679719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08583706085375199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10544638710487952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125760575908863,0.11116771299820076,0.0,0.17847513524279016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10803010128787176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055459478184382134,0.08225805682724499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07127826357511813,0.0,0.0,0.08910856203015402,0.0893053648512312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20208184481577698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20331968075781795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054827673200339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947005822091355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367633408132856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09633345457648833,0.06996078749304044,0.08811386745909411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376492707977558,0.0,0.102665415371891,0.0,0.0,0.2359252079763263,0.10144604554085257,0.11304633275356304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232391969894093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431544252338308,0.0,0.19198389465924573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669535537222354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17100754006398852,0.07768822331487532,0.0,0.0,0.07142716901222604,0.0,0.0,0.08436829238473441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820293870947253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06704251510819259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09642727412660036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715695408051227,0.0,0.0,0.059521458805142875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14693261261761612,0.0,0.0,0.21505838889886605,0.0,0.0,0.06498505303181175 ptsd,Flipperjack_Salsa,2019/07/02,"What is an appropriately therapeutic daily use of medical marijuana for someone with severe childhood trauma. Tldr; what is an appropriate therapeutic daily dose of medical marijuana? And I would appreciate answers from people who use it and it is helpful. I know it is controversial for some people. I can look at pros and cons in another place. Background: A person has come to live with us who has severe childhood trauma. She has been diagnosed with PTSD. She has every ACE. She has self-medicated with marijuana since she was 12. Constantly scrounging for the next person who will give her a smoke or a dab. Because she has a PTSD diagnosis, I am getting a medical marijuana approval from my state, and will become her provider. That way, she is no longer scrounging, and we can start working on therapy. I've done a bunch of research and see that it is the one mental health condition approved for medical marijuana. Here's my question for those of you who use medical marijuana and it is helpful. How much are you using? If she does two dabs, she becomes stupid. My word for the stereotypical pot head. I can't tell how much she is blowing through and how fast. I know it's too much. - how much do you take at a time? - how many times a day? - what kind? I’ve read that some people recommend two types. One for sleep and one for the day. What she does for sleep is very helpful. She has horrible nightmares that are solved when she does dabs before sleep. - how many days should a 1 gram wax last if it is not being abused? TIA",2.7221780303030307,5.512527493055559,4.038636363636364,81.6518181818182,81.3611111111111,7.240909090909091,25.74116161616161,8.296473431620573,2.0729847222222224,1210,49,223,27,33,396,151,288,0.083,0.8220000000000001,0.095,0.5744,0,0,1,0,1,0,39.0,2,3,0,4,9,4,1,0,15,0,32,12,4,10,0,38,45,19,0,4,4,0,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,20,15,0,0,4,1,0,1,3,3,0,5,3,2,28,1,25,37,7,21,0,0,2,0,31,5,0,6,13,155,48,4,0.0,0.10057305252720636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900773785128244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05174418616641223,0.18749428614201216,0.07222959596308373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311960844926202,0.0,0.09172889465846612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16422848175281166,0.0,0.0,0.08615495310647976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22284633599301773,0.08686527870787894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715179992777591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04434811882182087,0.08142797595029906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08711494713995321,0.09022717796268677,0.0,0.0,0.17068683736562973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0883930900876321,0.0932994897538162,0.06919137162278259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495367466737983,0.0,0.07128075111138844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17211706682417593,0.0,0.0,0.09428641908468234,0.4275559176861141,0.08554259066747552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24959652075110025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09027455201947347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725577439507012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654256737256824,0.14823397448560865,0.08868517798775886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984485091175353,0.0,0.0950889325840946,0.0,0.08490645825345995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676411496960576,0.0,0.08855198994275433,0.19178835967394867,0.0,0.07021649808480092,0.0,0.2548343682473496,0.0,0.07192150356599666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060080969399356476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06382181877694172,0.0,0.07419190953277263,0.0,0.09707166571269557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989924884412294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16583766661763047,0.0,0.10210438412602127,0.2932483178862127,0.0,0.07003776696834484,0.0,0.0673765614368716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06179618991294089,0.0,0.0,0.060298794147905774,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DogGoSchlopSchlop,2019/07/02,tomorrow is the anniversary of my trauma I hope my mom celebrates. That cunt.,1.7619047619047592,3.8984047142857183,3.93,75.19833333333334,109.0,10.438095238095238,26.095238095238088,8.841846274778883,4.495266666666668,62,3,10,3,3,21,13,14,0.278,0.41700000000000004,0.306,0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,7,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6467844974018521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7626728092181035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,floppylobsterspicy,2018/12/01,"Bad Night/ Worst so far I had a skydiving accident in October and it has greatly affected my sleep. Last night I had a confusing and awful night. I don’t remember the dream, but I remember waking up in agonizing fear. I looked frantically around the room and turned the lights on from my phone. I checked my phone for the time (4am) and remember going back to sleep. Usually my dreams are vivid and it takes a while to go back to sleep, but last night was so different. I woke up in a panic for no reason. I turned the lights on for no reason. I went back to sleep quickly after. it was all bizarre. Has anyone else had to deal with something like this?",2.500589743589746,4.580399853846156,3.7934615384615378,87.16070512820515,77.38461538461539,8.025641025641027,23.91025641025641,8.841846274778883,1.7271025641025637,511,17,107,12,12,167,75,130,0.257,0.685,0.057,-0.9796,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,4,9,1,9,5,5,3,1,17,17,10,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,7,0,0,5,2,1,3,3,6,0,0,7,4,13,2,19,10,2,27,0,0,2,0,3,10,0,1,15,72,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120179255888803,0.118990368702218,0.0,0.10338158955303477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26789369240872485,0.09696488907260137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972639987416092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12133262182425528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09701290393899037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306801395971067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320003301687239,0.0,0.0,0.12803530605626276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893252224800714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056735948236264926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975211485637513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4359259016631297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625520533887345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23880489314881326,0.0,0.0,0.3946627982125927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4648611749552482,0.0,0.0,0.08940364464273752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731637887525777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06771716782898896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25263528487092085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279023577271601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076549944575781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,confusedsmol,2018/12/01,"Fear You know it’s bad when you’re terrified of being in your own home, in your own damn room. I’m tired of this...",-2.2384615384615363,-0.4516590769230717,0.10653846153846304,105.87596153846157,101.30769230769228,4.138461538461539,10.346153846153848,5.985473137389443,-1.5635846153846154,88,1,24,1,4,29,21,26,0.475,0.525,0.0,-0.946,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,13,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896138644164928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5250848495561482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4680646997102629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2564458710798573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5363188319575201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,well_shitttt,2018/12/01,"(NSFW?) Advice pls? Hello everyone, i have a big question i couldn't even ask my therapist... So, the situation is that i cannot remember much of what happened, except that he touched me. I was definitely too young to give consent, but he was very young too. Is that an excuse for what he did? I experience situations where i cannot see properly and i feel like theres someone behind me (dont know if its him) and i feel the need to protect my body, but i can't. It hurts and i feel helpless and as if i have to endure it. Since I've been put on antipsychotics it got less severe and often, but it still occurs sometimes. I have difficulties showing my body and being intimate with partners, but it is getting better as i get used to it. Should i adress the matter or just try to forget and not think about it? I fear that when memories come back i won't function as well as i do now (job-wise) and i don't want that. Can you give me reasons so i can write down the pros and cons of telling my therapist? Idk, I'm sorry if this does not belong here, i just wanted to tell someone and get some advice... ",2.315333022822544,3.930321814159296,4.086115510013972,86.95299254774103,76.43362831858406,7.058779692594317,24.284117373078715,7.85451343220497,1.2003929203539818,854,28,182,13,19,288,133,226,0.109,0.797,0.095,-0.6241,1,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,1,0,1,17,6,0,1,6,0,22,2,2,2,0,44,42,25,0,8,13,0,4,1,1,2,0,0,0,1,16,12,0,1,8,1,0,2,9,3,1,0,5,5,29,3,19,33,3,12,0,2,1,0,15,4,0,7,7,131,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471503257064008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822294730652645,0.0,0.0,0.0972398667687866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11184351590541734,0.0,0.280936908768722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893401704897407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066592158248807,0.0,0.1482100755660209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352557950076789,0.0,0.0,0.12083786566557195,0.0,0.12370206012987887,0.0,0.14230255945363834,0.1918257942884059,0.09034298672149713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821025444269533,0.2426237423464445,0.0,0.0,0.10114154431837254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182808293843352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537795178284395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254919500210969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949906066958275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061781925485702424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929625863140798,0.09376842271324916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712714047350024,0.14166404365351945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130021851866315,0.0,0.0,0.14325442891815973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10077217740184592,0.0,0.0,0.1428637056844603,0.0,0.10460894637854364,0.2842924801107549,0.0,0.0,0.2142981468803312,0.0,0.1250720869837135,0.14156151856120375,0.0,0.0,0.10099104943675144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22106307485350227,0.0,0.0,0.2936594105005293,0.0,0.08103040566989743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08585797950624803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092207614950722,0.0,0.10434267172390403,0.14917866565162247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370264851665113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,saylormoonpies,2018/12/01,"My mother says something offputting every day only towards me despite changing variables Wednesday November 28th. Necessary backstory: my parents have custody of my oldest sisters children. Theres only 2, 8 and 2 years old. The 2 year old his dad earned his rights back but my 61 year old mother still will say yes to caring for the kid even after she for example.. had carpal tunnel surgery and had the baby over and gave me work all day for no real reason. Anyway I arrive home from my caregiver job at about 2 10 pm. Trying to grab food before my 3pm. Firsts she asks if I can watch the baby while she gets my nephew at 3. I said no, i have a client every week day at 3. I say this because she creates her own negative opinion of why I do things unless I comment. Making a sandwich and the whole bag ripped at the seam upon my initial approach. Told my mom. When she said ""oh can you watch the baby 15 minutes so I can switch the bread at kroger"" I'm just like.. what no? I have to go soon I dont have the time to wait on someone. She walks away and says ""okay nobody talk to me today I am having a good day"" very passive aggressively. I told her to start with not talking to me and for good reason at this point. This is my life every day within moments of coming home. I am a problem just because I didnt bend over backwards. I plan on posting at least once a week to further comment on the things she is doing. I just am honestly so confused and have no way of a dealing with it. A stranger sure. Your mother the cause of your ptsd? Idk. My therapist regularly asks if I was a wanted child. Discuss:",1.6241193473193505,3.8278524953846182,3.1733706293706305,89.85232634032634,80.96923076923076,5.17016317016317,23.38694638694639,6.273863323946077,0.5975435897435899,1251,44,251,10,33,411,185,325,0.087,0.8220000000000001,0.092,0.4108,2,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,3,0,4,13,10,1,1,19,2,22,4,0,4,2,30,38,15,0,4,8,8,1,1,0,1,1,6,2,3,7,10,3,1,2,0,0,4,8,3,0,1,9,9,46,7,39,28,4,53,0,0,2,0,42,21,0,4,27,167,53,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802715704986569,0.0,0.09058584547661226,0.07413782136575785,0.0,0.11754838932824865,0.0,0.08204276940393672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830236378668818,0.09904561569104732,0.10199516315521903,0.08305369973237814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31090116819728913,0.09940048644101726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11299863391468774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368174595737988,0.0,0.2437034837897327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201125517953227,0.11658640354555135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050373291411689884,0.0,0.05479533771556161,0.16173804645874434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19342587618133167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09567783340989854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810135161515676,0.0471039040621335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06435831476326273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11292105403328002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035165820011395,0.10267971157105174,0.0,0.14665716574806653,0.0,0.0,0.10705836843399467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114412307308288,0.0,0.09233971270744087,0.0,0.0,0.0922569274328056,0.1127049449397881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10974232189620332,0.0,0.19826306118313444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233859144618409,0.18342706540343556,0.3066949493454785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169281931557905,0.0742256158744307,0.0,0.0,0.06824362025388711,0.0,0.07699780585349034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087077811512992,0.0,0.0,0.15499078290786295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11194620910901144,0.1281087856394211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056220845441642665,0.0,0.09139093260393467,0.18425891348113801,0.0,0.0654600192181911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07955315668507101,0.056868554190636876,0.07653039753982077,0.15467792516104906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700028945321897,0.1076448302463748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701918720639184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862658989266078 ptsd,Graphic_Materialz,2018/12/01,"How do you deal with your ptsd? --possibly NSFW I don;t know if this will trigger anyone so NSFW just in case. I have ptsd but I have only recently gotten confirmation form a Dr. I think it's pretty bad but I have had it since I was a little kid, I hid it as much as I could but also thought it wasn't too abnormal. It's getting worse and I can't sleep--I barricade my doors at night, I stay up really late listening for any sounds/trying to find out what made the sound, if I hear a noise that startles me it's like a punch in the stomach, all my energy drains, my stomach is in knots, I check and check and check my whole house looking for people who might be hiding and (if I sleep) I sleep with a loaded snub-nose .357 magnum, sometimes in my hand. If I dream, they are stress dreams at best or night terrors. Some times the stress causes me to vomit uncontrollably for hours on end. I wake up crying/screaming. I don't want to live like this. Does anyone else who has this level of ptsd (I don't even know if this is severe or not) have any suggestions for quick relief, even if temporary? I'm in therapy, for the long haul, but I don't think my therapist has a lot of experience with this, tbh. Thanks in advance for your help--sorry if this is the wrong place to post this :/",2.95738636363636,4.163081784090913,4.173909090909092,88.64836363636365,73.96212121212122,7.40121212121212,21.91212121212121,7.908726449838941,0.775524848484848,997,23,219,14,20,327,152,264,0.151,0.7170000000000001,0.132,-0.5347,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,3,1,2,8,12,0,5,11,0,22,8,6,4,1,39,36,22,0,9,15,0,1,2,0,2,2,3,1,1,17,8,0,0,6,2,3,1,6,7,0,0,6,5,31,5,29,26,7,27,0,0,1,0,11,15,0,12,11,143,48,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08794048130069616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14956251071600762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378281111312228,0.11267407293468094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181775888779042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11540346545287328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11296628664482042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08779961267680618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11337103379675913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623276550534636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186322500926286,0.0,0.09739802363839284,0.0,0.0,0.14526418595455834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10756871830804526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10050774421049946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05745316071946423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12394067590836633,0.0,0.07370848760811795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10829523439564406,0.1268870253207348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12086985248250312,0.0,0.12404744046772627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744853452113116,0.11021571198764422,0.09710277756044387,0.09731723619520287,0.09234449078348936,0.0,0.0,0.0934899164654961,0.0,0.10405332913846953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665749116944517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083831627304675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063929516893433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08363477428466595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623719462099872,0.0,0.1148919936116424,0.0,0.0,0.1239711443740876,0.10531788188330693,0.11187585979261792,0.0,0.0,0.3856362251128183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07044760487428292,0.0,0.10857903625640723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423128359447025,0.0,0.09096574684108287,0.0,0.3301389169308843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10876006494010512,0.12309892896998882,0.0,0.1172100719770151,0.0,0.0,0.2519333993262248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124273675552566,0.12575672113409878,0.1276800336771764,0.0,0.14092468424115587,0.0,0.0873014263433862,0.06412257723133948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466029912766789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0648613202003314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277410428116675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206565449433276,0.0,0.12023153008970068,0.0,0.0 ptsd,180K,2018/12/01,"Strange sort of flareup, premonitions For me the PTSD symptoms come and go. Naturally, when bad things happen, the PTSD gets bad and worse. Around 10,000 people or more are getting laid off in my industry, 10% of the employees/contractors where I work were laid off around thanksgiving. Now i’m super paranoid about getting laid off at the end of the year. It’s consuming me. I wake with dread and premonitions of being laid off again. I was out of work a year, ran through savings and options. I then got a job and worked almost a year, and the thought of being unemployed again, when I was not able to get any kind of savings together makes me feel like I’m dying. I so dread slipping back into that black hole of despair. Everywhere at work, I see signs that more layoffs are coming. I ask for reassurance, but don’t really get any. I am working so damn hard to stay positive but some days I just can’t do it. That last recession/depression nearly did me in. Stuck in high-alertness-survival-mode. Can’t sleep. Images of the boss walking me out with the cardboard box, as I saw many last week go out. Still stacks of boxes laying around the office. I’m so afraid. Financial insecurity.",3.4579777637927407,5.7844259955947175,4.168445563247328,84.42985315712191,75.38766519823788,7.495615691210406,26.66855464652821,8.418075326091056,1.9450836584854203,939,36,179,18,21,299,138,227,0.12300000000000001,0.828,0.049,-0.9118,4,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,6,16,14,1,4,12,0,13,3,2,2,0,33,35,16,1,0,5,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,17,0,0,2,0,0,6,4,8,0,0,9,5,17,6,36,24,3,41,0,1,3,0,2,18,1,5,17,110,23,9,0.11912285899419947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928433602136003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201525802589606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3181338000526562,0.11136379275564,0.0,0.0,0.09159812555127686,0.19892522299002452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052275903294385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682438926301413,0.0,0.10260034389926884,0.0,0.12363072056200915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550749553108177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023209674889901,0.0851013942673288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111838860488924,0.0,0.1354005319075327,0.0,0.09527343241792806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10533995079928732,0.0,0.10671068354475756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258598408261684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11821105659306355,0.0,0.0,0.12404812652303528,0.0,0.1942020583929382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05819741177654041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951543338278774,0.12077188194808047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258479145983992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27849649495129664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631315378681812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949254957298314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11920888809832465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12696911788709012,0.09513166907003773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1238142618230522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913993434828091,0.0,0.0,0.09457024388892282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09555317210505912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336143004709023,0.0,0.1213963702656469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301336467877533 ptsd,eternalflyfree,2019/05/05,"overcoming trauma I went through some abuse a few years ago to the point where I’ve had a lot of fear thrust upon me... I know it sounds silly, but I’ve had this fear of people thinking I’m incompetent and what they’ll do to me... this is a very natural normal response to what was done to me. Like coworkers, police etc... basically any authority figure. When i say them doing things to me, I mean things like involve police, find ways to get me on medication etc. I know this sounds extreme believe me, just asking.",2.413366336633665,4.73094999009901,4.004445544554454,84.34191584158418,78.8019801980198,6.812277227722772,22.971287128712873,7.908726449838941,1.266492277227723,403,13,79,7,10,134,69,101,0.141,0.74,0.11900000000000001,-0.5204,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,2,0,3,6,0,2,4,0,8,1,0,0,0,12,16,3,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,8,1,0,0,6,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,3,13,3,11,10,5,9,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,5,53,21,0,0.0,0.2170240137575172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236729469439565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456045544477234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712372638814373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063675029897039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18744435977270954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4085612612029518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41222963019162345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674121453919476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569766957906814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20132857896924355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17897317092033774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572280137163466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995235443739298,0.0,0.18452239249060912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946565515809476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698556126614932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315287386397926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566246864911794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433772321546561,0.11736659653848902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15113270324545516,0.0,0.14539015599883762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697984815839271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179541244297172 ptsd,luke-stol,2019/05/05,"I think someone I love has PTSD, what do I do? Hia, this may be a naive thing to say, but I believe someone very close to me is suffering from PTSD and is unaware of it. This person is my ex-girlfriend (we broke up recently and on very good terms, still very close). We mutually agreed to break up due to her mental health issues, which did not allow her to be in a relationship, no matter how healthy it was. She has suffered from multiple types of traumas in her past, and I know that certain things trigger responses e.g. vomiting or panic attacks. She has been very standoff-ish and irritable recently and I’m very worried about her. Asking her how she’s feeling tends to upset her, because she doesn’t want to talk about it. (I try not to ask but it’s hard because I care very much). I just don’t know what to do in this situation and I thought maybe someone here could help? I’m really sorry if this is off-topic or not allowed on this sub.",3.7247142857142848,4.9504995315789495,4.794436090225567,84.86105263157896,72.10526315789474,7.744360902255639,28.83458646616541,8.192908349453996,1.878037593984963,741,29,152,11,14,243,113,190,0.217,0.657,0.126,-0.9698,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,2,0,0,0,7,11,1,2,2,0,19,3,0,5,1,34,32,13,0,3,9,0,2,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,15,10,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,3,23,4,22,24,2,16,0,3,0,1,20,9,0,4,6,102,38,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21993933339251967,0.13382292659971928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14341426281861785,0.0,0.0,0.13253053106729334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993325571163335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391926065453804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05947807128325235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866380490264168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537480820266633,0.0,0.0,0.12503688986534287,0.0,0.0,0.07884598176533136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277682852201803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929450181479682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061671114464099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817675274139296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854498533145455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08647276070419267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801533719866418,0.0,0.0,0.11229267228367973,0.0,0.1027113756662326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750100905154349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07535781494880693,0.0,0.23229402720310505,0.12629231576723096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354536953235183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13222284672438928,0.0,0.0,0.29900661829577624,0.0,0.0,0.13167894531362762,0.0,0.0,0.09394074753583778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09454782409796024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562984159805131,0.07537357938368212,0.0,0.0933863506487134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07986413471012467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.582350335181072,0.0693821652803443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946059955108446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Jubanime,2019/05/05,"Writing A Character With PTSD In A Movie- Any Advice? *Potential trigger warning* Hello everyone! I don't have PTSD personally, but I came here for some advice. I'm writing a movie right now, and one of the main characters has PTSD. I just wanted to get some feedback on how to make her as authentic as possible. The character with PTSD (we'll just call her A for this) lives in a dystopian world where human rights are only given to rich straight white able-bodied males who worship a fictional religion. The rest of the people, including A, are forced into poverty, violence, badly-run schools and having to adore their tyrannical leader. A got her PTSD from a government-enforced massacre where her parents died, and she's sick of the government, so she starts a revolution to get everybody human rights, falling in love with another girl along the way. Does anyone have any advice on how to authentically portray A? I have a couple of scenes written dealing with her PTSD and I don't want to go into spoiler territory (the movie probably won't even come out until at least five years from now since I'm just a teenage filmmaker writing stuff to direct later in life), but if there's any general advice you guys have for writing a character with PTSD I'd gladly take it! Thanks in advance! ;)",5.548541666666669,7.337007437500006,6.0808333333333335,75.21416666666669,68.375,9.333333333333334,32.5,9.725611199111238,3.4045000000000005,1035,46,174,24,18,335,145,240,0.105,0.773,0.12300000000000001,0.6811,1,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,1,1,1,1,13,6,0,0,21,0,12,3,0,4,0,34,29,13,1,3,6,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,6,4,15,0,0,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,2,4,1,15,6,37,23,5,30,1,0,1,1,26,18,0,3,6,115,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35209154565031303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837677757164773,0.09445432299804744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298442260339543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10005601869619403,0.0,0.0,0.09197940350546953,0.10302489240358442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759396295968042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966926230265416,0.0,0.0,0.09286615392127648,0.0,0.0,0.09348643168852808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882760273413925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059495471639999215,0.0,0.0,0.08607310302681559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09412376138692534,0.0,0.051193233037960924,0.0,0.07204336584775367,0.0,0.0,0.08919108549505947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362454378020442,0.0,0.0,0.07954025984518663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08129864157327478,0.0,0.06012756455136273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06103898109085978,0.06850815029008789,0.0,0.0,0.10002062643276467,0.0,0.0,0.062448535689390273,0.07865237362139223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154907289528413,0.0,0.0,0.09711899637922757,0.0,0.7370720805752395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307775921631852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116344192916656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07451320469434904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375746004425452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311741617628206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06772722047101487,0.0,0.0,0.08293144430353333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626032318024722,0.07149948588839868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800708581128705 ptsd,CrownMelp,2019/05/05,"How can my partner help with an episode? Hey Reddit, &#x200B; I don't come on here very often, but I was hoping to get some advice for a situation me and my partner are having. &#x200B; I don't want to get into my story or anything, because I'm not really 100% sure how to share it yet, and every time I've tried to share in the past, I feel like I've failed to tell it correctly. &#x200B; Long story short; My abuser was sentenced to 5 years in March 2018, and he was able to apply for parole in November 2018. This Thursday is his parole hearing, and I'm traveling to attend and give a victim impact statement. &#x200B; I'm really struggling with this, I haven't showered in over 2 weeks, I'm falling behind on my chores and taking care of our bunnies. I sleep to much or not at all, and when I'm awake and alone while my partner is at work, all I think about is that he's going to get parole only a little over a year into his 5 year sentence. I'm a mess. &#x200B; I know I need help from my partner, but I don't know what to ask him to do, or not to do. I don't want to ask him to do my half of chores, or do the rabbits litter or anything because I feel like I'm using my illness to get out of doing them. Or even worse, that he feels like I'm using my illness to get out of them. I don't know what I need from him, and he doesn't know how to help. &#x200B; I need some help, Reddit. &#x200B; Any advice would be absolutely fantastic &#x200B; Thanks :)))",4.246009911141488,4.3089053474026,5.4054818865345196,85.18066643882435,70.20129870129871,7.523171565276829,27.57416267942584,6.8360192770164,1.231958441558441,1149,35,243,8,19,383,140,308,0.127,0.731,0.14300000000000002,0.8062,1,1,0,0,1,0,68.0,1,0,2,2,9,13,1,1,8,0,23,3,1,5,4,55,61,22,0,7,11,0,3,3,4,1,2,1,3,4,8,16,0,0,9,1,0,5,10,4,0,1,3,4,34,9,44,56,5,33,0,1,0,0,28,16,0,10,15,152,42,2,0.053960576799414586,0.06393445980849027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054593022642821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055886883905700985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4677300993413988,0.524544056725949,0.03669504261062537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880991393360746,0.0,0.1008917103300453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578773354591376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05501640433092676,0.0,0.0,0.046482258916694164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03564045206169307,0.0,0.04546411325410067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08185226689111776,0.11564834054200453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096087118509454,0.05176390220703304,0.030667039317087638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06081749178820705,0.0,0.1446745487540229,0.0,0.0,0.053595028231624285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862128727184422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07908723651053605,0.05408267390518138,0.0,0.047753412427156514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0396672327311121,0.1200332518943399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04103945021267125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0515114763215748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691370544744842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06065394918208284,0.05399954648264185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056411310968058986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050857205036252864,0.0,0.04057163827651868,0.0,0.04716392253138621,0.049679649284768465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034575758780470006,0.0,0.0,0.03146484627120237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03663568958151468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09320922614301518,0.0,0.0445231270682844,0.06365469253326292,0.0,0.04328391985667328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03928394257734175,0.0,0.0549904377396498,0.0383320455537216,0.0,0.524544056725949,0.10424652687545548 ptsd,VerlanderFan_23,2019/05/05,"Any of you on Gabapentin? Hey :). Are any of you prescribed Gabapentin for PTSD and/or Anxiety? If so, what’s your daily dosage and how well does it work for you?",0.1452688172043004,2.181702290322584,-0.25241935483870925,106.07470430107529,106.741935483871,3.3569892473118284,18.06989247311828,5.46131890053228,-0.6669397849462366,125,4,28,1,6,35,25,31,0.051,0.87,0.079,0.2359,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,4,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,17,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5596623581246316,0.0,0.3147930754948988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36010265014769144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4810164394176207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699840427311516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2995737622185175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,girl_bean,2019/05/05,"Learned something disturbing about my childhood ***trigger warning I’ve been undergoing treatment for PTSD for a while now. The wierd thing about that diagnosis is that I don’t know what caused it. I have substantial gaps in my memory of my childhood. I know that there where instances where I was not safe at home but no concrete memories of any abuse. Yet somehow I’m exhibiting symptoms of PTSD from something that happened to me. Yesterday I was having a glass of wine with my dad and he asks if my trauma could be from being molested by a family friend when I was 4. Turns out my dad just assumed I remember this. I don’t know how to feel. I have no memory of this event so I can’t really feel scared or upset or anything really? It feels weird knowing that this happened to me and that the memory and trauma of it is just buried in my head somewhere. I’m worried about what else is buried in my brain. How am I supposed to feel? Open to anything advice/guidance/shared experience etc.",3.2584895833333327,5.587901203125004,4.18041666666667,84.08958333333338,76.03125,7.6,27.333333333333336,8.515128840125781,2.144977083333333,789,32,149,16,18,254,112,192,0.205,0.767,0.027999999999999997,-0.988,0,0,3,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,15,9,1,3,5,0,17,4,2,4,0,31,31,12,0,2,7,2,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,15,6,1,1,11,1,0,0,6,7,0,0,4,4,21,2,25,24,1,16,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,5,8,107,36,1,0.0,0.18199777372152395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445722200132523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2528089964118269,0.0,0.14360070236009648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714748907446533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577954853289366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264174476752633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12831794869732996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131108829936956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15025596233854724,0.14480589241548034,0.0,0.31067086289857465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867547212579167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716662309543973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576438821229057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15407915733703131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33767095654087426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3591139569714937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680763759810324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740054454530302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15378621820428132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365065227577498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15965525706367178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204887850831128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707901839320785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559941619835554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GiveMeYourHamPlease,2019/05/05,Serious problem that is plaguing my existence and makimg me want to end my life :( Yall ever been takin a shit and then someone walks in on you mid clench and you cant even get up cos theyll see ur dick? So you just lock eyes for a second and then they walk out awkwardly tryna act like they didnt see anything and your just sat there about to have a heart attack. Happened to me and now i cant shit when friends or family are in the house cos its scary and i dont want them to see my PP :(,-0.03955974842767064,2.0393443207547186,1.5474528301886783,99.70124213836479,86.92452830188678,5.042767295597487,17.323899371069178,6.42735559955562,-0.4356138364779869,382,9,93,4,12,123,75,106,0.261,0.6970000000000001,0.042,-0.9785,0,0,0,0,0,1,6.0,0,5,4,0,9,8,3,1,4,0,9,6,5,2,1,17,17,12,0,3,3,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,6,0,1,3,4,16,2,11,13,0,15,0,0,4,1,11,6,3,1,7,60,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16675660144494522,0.0,0.0,0.23053384041854386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23749420507026986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1794801283069956,0.0,0.0,0.13384272986037365,0.1833007426950489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19103227204044404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565602386580697,0.0,0.10587176487128597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17919511585543224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2401310280724071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338209620105827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313160969948954,0.09900034950323908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390044714542148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4844368658578267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4160169586817705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169739589905594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23904628937722655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tinatidy,2019/05/05,"How do you cope? How do you all personally cope when you feel like you’re constantly in crisis? These past few months have been the hardest and I’m so close to giving up. I’m doing everything I can. Therapy twice a week, medication, EMDR. I’m so tired. I feel like my brain is too exhausted to keep going. Exercise is a non option, since I’m completely drained all day every day. Any tips would be helpful.",0.8010774410774388,3.3376205555555565,3.015151515151516,86.5609090909091,90.35802469135805,6.896071829405162,20.94388327721661,8.00094639256281,1.4449654320987648,319,11,64,8,11,108,59,81,0.153,0.728,0.11900000000000001,-0.6162,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,3,0,0,6,3,0,0,3,0,10,5,1,2,2,11,19,6,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,6,2,4,16,3,11,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,1,9,35,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14684722829874827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24106147900777555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22640994273241985,0.2333554165575658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27852805387538365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819395357914612,0.0,0.19407377199670434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21837243158379854,0.3085364681027449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20715020406678072,0.12272419933201187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14474064463784475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19193820866599234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21099564862415365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21753775545814225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17236197952890564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20614003923269855,0.0,0.18855127924993587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862855778214648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469472577061319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24819231757682966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732147780369971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339823158988405,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,s4lly2,2019/05/05,Journal prompts I was just diagnosed with PTSD. I find the best relief from journaling but I can’t come up with or find any useful prompts. If you guys have any I would be grateful if you want to share them with me.,1.1677272727272765,3.55461122727273,1.7874545454545439,97.92118181818184,84.45454545454547,5.3381818181818215,22.43636363636364,6.742157984588678,0.42045090909090943,170,6,38,2,5,52,34,44,0.0,0.6629999999999999,0.337,0.9408,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,2,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,0,14,8,4,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,8,3,6,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,3,0,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3924531642923093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30281957002765736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248563679144344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928761870424263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5274661686602832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857137786485989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33730412807935595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24921796745966726,0.0,0.0,0.17019659693418274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2049804483262679,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,madame_ray_,2019/05/05,"Shane Meadows interview He talks about his diagnosis of PTSD and success with EMDR. Please note there's a description of the trauma he suffered within the article. https://www.theguardian.com/film/2019/may/05/shane-meadows-interview-the-virtues-stephen-graham-trauma",21.895402298850573,29.19101831034483,10.966206896551723,33.65781609195406,38.31034482758621,10.763218390804601,37.25287356321839,10.504223727775694,5.625749425287356,237,8,18,5,3,56,26,29,0.171,0.657,0.171,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,11,1,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6119699100213405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6516901411669833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4480990840586821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SirSandwich2020,2019/05/05,"My ‘’Fire’’ ptsd No I didn’t get burned and there isn’t a fire But this is my story I got ptsd because I was in the hospital when i was 4 because of my asthma And when they did breathing treatments I thought that it was smoke and they were burning me I nearly died thanks mom and dad 4 taking me to the hospital when I was 4 :D Also I went when I was 6 and 8 But those weren’t important And I also have the asthma where it builds up and slowly makes you can’t breathe I don’t have the one where BOOM CANT BREATHE ON THE GROUND PANTING FOR AIR Also asthma inhalers (rescue inhalers) dont work for me :/ And I still have asthma:D Thank you for reading :D Sorry for click baiting you XD I got a sorry joke for you Two cows were at the slaughter house and one cow said to the other ‘’DONT be concerned but I think are lives are at steak",0.2194382022471899,2.346148528089888,1.8686404494382032,97.51723033707864,86.19101123595507,4.234157303370787,19.0123595505618,5.341637118332708,-0.4680997752808991,650,18,148,3,20,211,96,178,0.059000000000000004,0.851,0.08900000000000001,0.7095,1,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,4,2,1,11,3,0,0,9,0,22,6,3,1,0,15,33,19,2,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,6,9,0,0,2,2,0,1,8,0,0,3,15,6,26,3,14,17,0,16,0,0,1,0,9,10,0,0,5,104,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.366834317076205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18641898702314186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586912915077804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3584071375159655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988657276933075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445842581528433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17643188738151855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13501795216391846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10206530190031918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908053548642494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072248253928416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574756198403337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294641883465301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544770847369934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3423293487717936,0.0,0.0,0.12211016290601577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11496556123337855,0.0,0.0,0.2815488358135337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979753759553565,0.0,0.12138952254518065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14936600665490635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174450448836462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131669061729196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,iNfPcOs,2019/05/05,"Could you have PTSD from knowing that something traumatic happened to somebody close to you? (tw:mentions sexual abuse) I have never considered that I could have PTSD, because nothing traumatic has happened directly to me. But years ago when me and my siblings were young, my sister told me that my dad (not her bio dad) was sexually abusing her. I remember hearing noises at night all the time and I would think ""why is my dad tucking her in so long? Why does it sound like they're having so much fun in there?"" little did I know.. (The sicko went to jail for +4 years. He deserves to die in my eyes.) But I think about it alot though, like could I have stopped it if I just walked down the hallway? Why was it her? I feel guilty about it alot because I didn't know what to do about it. Sometimes I still cry about it, thinking about what she must have had to go through because of MY dad. I have been struggling to cope with depression and anxiety for years now and I'm just wondering if I'm trying to treat the wrong thing or what. I have never brought this up to a doctor or psychologist or anything because... I feel like it's not really my story to be telling.. My sister went to therapy and she's doing really well now. I just can't get over the feeling that somehow in some way, I could have done something to stop it. (I might not reply very quick, writing this kinda messed me up but I appreciate anything really. )",2.6936868131868152,4.845212907142859,3.5285714285714285,88.94565934065935,77.07142857142857,6.593406593406595,25.76923076923077,7.61054688173877,1.3491510989010989,1114,42,225,16,26,354,151,280,0.096,0.847,0.057999999999999996,-0.8140000000000001,0,0,2,0,1,0,40.0,0,2,0,0,19,10,0,1,8,0,30,2,1,0,4,50,51,17,1,8,14,6,3,3,0,3,1,2,0,0,19,7,0,2,11,0,0,5,7,4,1,0,12,6,38,6,33,31,5,34,0,1,1,0,19,11,0,12,20,163,57,1,0.0,0.2384850792633517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892117339333553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769897096097293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656371182869931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453980669618485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32141301098146596,0.0,0.1105488672334524,0.0,0.0,0.08668151807906094,0.0,0.1044489534074505,0.0,0.0,0.10300981969824934,0.08807118269986844,0.10299017657974373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526605872317152,0.0718975957135103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05258050922508015,0.0,0.057196317324141564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799212951216795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342916162234246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592816602004345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14750359918916486,0.1008682235815058,0.0,0.08906367850685737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10676366998433293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07398234981865623,0.0,0.15524032097200108,0.0,0.0,0.09444429483421324,0.0,0.0965672772689505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352867256056824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934186505106648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11400607161991075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495595268237927,0.09953603119986608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08037163599063221,0.16827993439462302,0.0,0.10521130551399907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796423585152854,0.0,0.11509118650572607,0.0,0.06686107852349113,0.1934591126143191,0.09887878357723484,0.0,0.05868428684213566,0.0,0.0,0.09616631382012368,0.0,0.06832829556929193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08303895520301274,0.0,0.07988374714199767,0.0,0.0,0.09048789896449498,0.18658950978846225,0.2724372019763257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091403328638509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149212607401846,0.11003459161969603,0.0,0.1944275536173424 ptsd,kamiisamaa,2019/05/05,"How were you able to treat your anxiety? Does your anxiety feel like a completely different experience than what others experience? My panic attacks can last up to 10 hours. My doctor says this isn’t possible, but this is my reality. I have tried reasonable doses of ativan and xanax and it doesn’t help. I’m sure that if i took an entire bar of xanax it would help, but i’m not trying to add drug addiction to my list of issues lol I am a young woman, healthy weight, but I have stage 2 hypertension. I don’t know if this is the cause of the uncomfortable heart palpitations that I have. I always feel like I am having a heart attack. My chest is always tight and i’m always reaching for my inhaler or an ativan to no avail. Does anyone else experience this? What helps? Buspar and gabapentin was really helping me for about 2 months. My anxiety was almost wiped out. But now its back and I don’t know what to do. My doctor didn’t have any helpful med suggestions. Just told me that my symptoms didn’t make sense :/",2.504200000000001,4.877469020000003,4.004000000000001,84.16700000000002,78.8,7.4,22.0,8.395991825355821,1.41485,804,24,158,17,20,266,115,200,0.10300000000000001,0.7240000000000001,0.174,0.9542,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,0,0,5,7,2,1,7,1,22,13,3,4,1,28,32,13,0,3,9,0,4,2,0,1,8,1,0,1,14,7,2,1,5,1,0,1,8,3,0,0,7,6,23,4,16,24,0,10,0,0,0,0,12,2,0,4,8,100,37,2,0.10948502546395723,0.0,0.0,0.11935483835243868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963343792299146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27330093554561075,0.0,0.0,0.07445357171698913,0.0,0.2512672344187034,0.0,0.0,0.07655447545803729,0.11218034692954193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24911004447343085,0.0,0.08418722647448068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247128018976067,0.0,0.0,0.11479296615918025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143885489100275,0.0,0.2241251256802378,0.19162216718015151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269678703431076,0.0,0.0914606899635181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3212920902990216,0.0,0.0,0.11071783706302506,0.15643224813518708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259480564649268,0.36692752361601344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078206960030828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427392148174274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12034021342842788,0.08924490852481587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069777062788796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308210466234717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161318165824983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738990277725918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845708751540225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234279157832492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07013891083651297,0.11256884088218942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08706688665608876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318834079772564,0.11379686252458078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10461763370850123,0.12164189176698315,0.14866629100841205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13332326557751095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07777502081075435,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Brandon8x8,2019/05/05,"Depersonalization/Dissociation As the title suggests I suffer from quite bad depersonalization and dissociation, to the point I've stopped walking halfway somewhere because I'm just completely out of it. I'm currently undergoing therapy and other treatments, but was wondering if anyone had any tips for this?",11.728503401360538,13.58693926530612,11.97183673469388,38.321972789115684,54.3061224489796,13.880272108843535,48.98639455782313,13.023866798666859,7.64307619047619,260,16,30,9,3,88,41,49,0.129,0.871,0.0,-0.6245,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,5,5,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,3,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,2,19,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356579724795025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423076832263818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28934506105202273,0.2112465717230513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3633388840337897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275907673754169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3685862089492427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2897215912965668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962968231310928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3758060760565904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,heldtjoshua,2019/05/05,"Just want to be alone I am sitting at McDonald’s only a couple people here, I sit as far away as I can from everyone, just to enjoy my time. A couple comes in and sits at table next to me! There are about 30 tables open. I am here venting and going to make it through this!",0.251073446327684,2.1186032881355916,2.8450000000000024,92.17959039548029,83.91525423728814,5.289265536723164,18.30790960451977,6.42735559955562,-0.08069717514124307,210,5,47,2,6,73,45,59,0.036000000000000004,0.8740000000000001,0.091,0.4738,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,9,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,1,13,8,0,13,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,2,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2970769263652183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694930756309681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2470849266311507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6347600102917502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2740853222994579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1630162418146979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914661180973972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3050547115261081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181526840800493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885686038556394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672571302163685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16918406506983413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,halofitall,2019/05/05,"My husband (20) has ptsd and I don’t know how to help when he’s having an episode. My husband was diagnosed with ptsd a couple months ago and while it has explained a lot of his symptoms and behavior, we are unable to fully rid him of his triggers yet since we currently live with his parents and a lot of his trauma stems from childhood abuse. What can I do to help him when he has an episode and is panicked and can’t feel his arms or legs?",7.886086956521738,5.153968043478264,7.616956521739134,81.41826086956524,64.21739130434781,10.504347826086958,37.130434782608695,8.07648339933343,2.7329913043478262,348,13,76,3,4,111,60,92,0.106,0.8370000000000001,0.057,-0.6808,2,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,2,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,11,4,2,2,0,18,14,11,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,13,0,9,13,2,8,0,0,0,0,17,0,0,3,8,54,15,0,0.0,0.2678315479824504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20037913375019956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501193362208025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294353594430456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429735707987995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030322650924064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12423082594603373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19960574138591214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38435819359721796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18043045615536304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510010821168258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5284792502184509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869903806575988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349518555558143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DizFrost,2019/05/06,"Emotional shit show I had to watch my boyfriend attempt to kill himself, it was the most traumatic thing I have ever seen... every time I see an ambulance or police car the images come bombarding into my head again. This was only a few weeks ago. I haven't been diagnosed because I am too afraid to seek therapy, though I am having disgusting nightmares every night to the point I will only sleep when faced with exhaustion due to fear..... My boyfriend spent a few days in the hospital and left me the day he was discharged. I feel empty and lost... I just want these horrible thoughts and horrible images out of my mind. It's driving me crazy. Nobody should have to live through these sorts of things.",4.973409090909094,6.679836189393939,4.9337575757575785,83.20063636363638,69.68181818181819,8.613333333333333,29.10909090909091,9.120678840339163,2.4563581818181817,555,21,103,11,10,172,94,132,0.21,0.77,0.021,-0.9808,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,6,7,3,2,8,0,13,6,4,0,1,17,21,6,1,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,0,2,1,1,3,1,7,0,0,9,4,16,0,13,10,3,18,0,1,3,0,2,5,1,3,10,70,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16113046095168201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080690258680867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15658101771213434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23445660569529,0.0,0.0,0.18449538399422274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20446973265789756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644237423403273,0.3063025459010163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454473438058207,0.0919096988152426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18655115051084947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011044732416118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974964845362275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16050855453946303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19842628830833844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18353852962355208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058129115909434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764925384613193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17183388091379245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448492447272455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865869832761612,0.0,0.0,0.18190389497634832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078728337126288,0.0,0.24152330477658596,0.0,0.17859067718651872,0.1443071568461348,0.10599307706044503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10721420141041818,0.0,0.14580703218135202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DiethylMalonate,2019/05/06,I got diagnosed with PTSD from the psych ward Has anyone else been traumatized by this?,3.470625000000002,6.592624812500002,3.017500000000002,87.67750000000002,82.125,8.200000000000001,20.5,8.841846274778883,1.8457250000000005,71,2,13,2,2,21,16,16,0.162,0.838,0.0,-0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,2,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045030730151737,0.4462085353935701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4420107724666902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36379403016411627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34829923629108234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5090617291700876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pxxd,2019/05/06,"How did you get through Labor with PTSD? My due date is fast approaching and I have recently learned that while Ativan is safe in moderation during pregnancy it is not at all safe during labor because it can make the baby not breathe. However, no-one seems to have a good alternative aside from an epidural (which I really think will make everything worse, being trapped in a bed with people touching me sound especially triggering) and nitrous, which I'm much more open to but worried about it being enough. Has anyone on here with a sexual trauma history given birth without having a horrible panic attack? What worked for you? Did you use nitrous or morphine? Did the pain and hormones lessen PTSD symptoms/reactions?",7.985781249999999,9.084938515625002,7.612500000000002,68.9825,62.28125,10.775,36.3125,10.686352973137794,4.2774656250000005,582,26,89,14,8,184,98,128,0.136,0.77,0.094,-0.7865,1,1,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,3,0,1,3,7,1,1,7,0,14,2,1,5,1,23,22,7,0,0,5,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,7,7,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,2,7,3,14,15,4,12,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,2,6,63,14,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1468096317004994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2388609788208001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279902930840192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169458666936978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18869943242615886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969597062508647,0.0,0.0,0.17610534765631766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28030123138281154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543455130444263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234133357539937,0.2463440261933777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556053934994134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4908664088822236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13450641005863714,0.0,0.2073111839719533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19114063311627028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13453454804994044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18133891424992146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20239493725496152,0.0,0.15285412805597562,0.2132256143571106,0.21396822367209975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,The-Mad-security-guy,2019/05/06,"Feeling guilty from having Ptsd. Possible trigger warning I have Ptsd and I haven't been in any war or anything like that and that makes me feel weak from having ptsd diagnosis. My psyciatrist is surprised that I am still alive but still I feel bad about having ptsd. I just want to ask if some of you feel the same kind of guilt?",2.27024175824176,4.803655276923077,2.7360439560439573,91.98538461538462,80.84615384615384,5.560439560439562,21.59340659340659,6.868970318607317,0.4503406593406592,263,8,54,3,7,81,47,65,0.221,0.6709999999999999,0.10800000000000001,-0.879,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,4,7,1,1,1,0,8,1,0,2,0,15,15,5,1,2,4,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,8,3,7,14,2,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,3,37,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156045494284929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13989396597818735,0.0,0.15892529186486934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419413273412097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34382462445244005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17702687942949202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305249330598298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11347506353209325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916473348687524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7948748089173961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2715214325669097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1002692942395755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,EyeSalsaYourFace,2019/05/06,Thinking of trying therapy/counseling. What do you talk about during your sessions? I'm nervous about doing it because I have no idea what to expect.,4.177777777777777,7.2621638148148175,4.9644444444444495,75.50000000000003,77.51851851851852,6.562962962962962,31.222222222222207,7.793537801064563,2.8864666666666667,121,6,17,2,3,39,24,27,0.163,0.8370000000000001,0.0,-0.5106,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,4,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,14,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3427304479997155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6346897137058856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4518995178530531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3602545537912554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3817175520809816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hiiamsad,2019/05/06,My PTSD is acting up again It hasn't been bad for awhile but recently it's been getting to me. It's making me really suicidal and has affected my sex life with my boyfriend. I really don't know what to do since there isn't really medication for this kind of thing. I'm trying to get back into therapy but there's not many options around where I live. What do you do to cope?,1.2743354430379732,3.3827068607594946,3.4966930379746834,87.58149525316459,81.65822784810126,8.000632911392406,20.00158227848101,8.841846274778883,1.3585050632911393,298,8,65,8,8,102,53,79,0.111,0.8640000000000001,0.025,-0.8255,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,2,0,11,15,3,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,0,8,1,11,13,0,8,0,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,3,45,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20723950849611028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790072338928118,0.19437654266746449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432546139492553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424232140650453,0.12793965090668089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1644320584610744,0.0,0.0,0.20556483205687126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15539442205804574,0.2360205559823679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23451941697080755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.272128315454268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4474089339754391,0.0,0.22985986512128004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19257284850245626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25464314435923835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662247147756628,0.0,0.15466059652294942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805450922288386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,candy4dinner,2019/05/06,Panic just from seeing photos I just need to talk. I was in an abusive relationship years ago that took a long time to escape from. It was horrible and traumatic in so many ways. Luckily this person lives out of town and I have no chance to running into them but unfortunately we have one mutual friend. That friend started posting photos with the abuser on Thursday of them hanging out and having a weekend together. I made the mistake of looking at the photos and at first I was slightly anxious and now it’s spiraled into escalating panic attacks the passed 4 days. I’ve since unfollowed this friend so I can’t see the photos but the damage is done. Any advice on how to move forward? I know I just have to be kind with myself but I feel so stupid for looking at that photos.,3.364314096499528,5.6763178675496695,4.636296121097447,81.03319536423842,75.62251655629139,6.698391674550615,26.017502365184484,7.7094869923839395,1.6751263954588458,622,23,110,9,14,205,95,151,0.23600000000000002,0.639,0.125,-0.9644,1,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,1,0,2,1,8,10,2,2,9,0,11,0,0,2,0,24,21,12,0,2,6,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,7,12,0,0,2,1,0,6,2,6,0,2,6,5,13,4,24,14,0,30,0,1,4,0,9,13,0,0,11,83,20,0,0.0,0.3598498062950329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839223481939734,0.13461146195947862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326750249376457,0.0,0.0,0.17155441329486107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17275848253907058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09793476128689296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15540173501415028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678311631892604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291689051124638,0.0,0.0,0.3519714399510853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15813498520018196,0.08345626008083527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340919094747633,0.13438806133118453,0.25504211948880456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14369011826359154,0.0,0.15395846998875354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139923189639288,0.0,0.1125995344099894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10290177003190493,0.0,0.0,0.3563413359338292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259507806666054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14543637410144591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16303685312123284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420196464566408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256171141255556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10748468231352376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12205635486803686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854863926051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16871795498464714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053647558984502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977904889252462 ptsd,Roseyreid74,2019/05/06,"PTSD - family doesn’t understand So I experienced something along the lines of my “boyfriend reached onto my steering wheel on the 401 highway going 120km/h and crashed us into the median then flipping us into an suv with 5 children. He then fled the scene and left me there alone. Four weeks before all this I had a miscarriage, and he tried committing suicide in my bed and then the accident followed. He went to jail for a bit and this happened in July 2018. But now I’m starting to experience things I haven’t before. And we are currently trying again to make things work and I’m feeling super overwhelmed and experiencing a lot of “triggers” I guess my question is, does this qualify someone to have ptsd? What types of things are people experiencing? Is there suggestions for what he can do to lessen his triggers around me? It’s been 10 months since the accident, and I find myself having huge melt downs and I can’t really explain it but I can not stop reliving it everyday. Multiple times a day. And what are some things that people do here that are diagnosed to get through those really rough days. My family has pushed me away since the accident and don’t really understand everything specially the whole ptsd thing. And now I’m more distraught then ever.",5.117348349687777,7.2051699364406785,5.504210526315791,77.7233942908118,69.97457627118644,9.375200713648528,29.793933987511156,9.811843763644266,3.1066305084745767,1019,41,179,26,19,325,142,236,0.079,0.873,0.048,-0.9052,2,1,1,0,0,1,18.0,3,0,0,2,10,4,0,2,13,0,19,1,0,3,3,38,35,20,1,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,17,19,0,1,6,0,0,5,5,2,0,1,4,5,20,2,23,31,6,33,0,1,0,0,12,11,0,4,17,126,37,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932605406600386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10256411045233428,0.0,0.0,0.10824652626714247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1960757720278768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1257828957525086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860587233108966,0.0,0.0,0.11693889962372515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10082378465227007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10421687028166986,0.0,0.0,0.10354613039108364,0.11270054677383788,0.2172253665984669,0.0,0.058255219244612765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10530271165907476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019410409284876,0.0,0.06547827568575128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269202496491789,0.0,0.101882588524388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517940059651406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09795008129899606,0.0,0.0,0.07690565753265717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196201951012953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15974855243111025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4040339432282971,0.0,0.12906507103585546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214254398430951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1906109799936846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761970940773364,0.0886966946786494,0.0,0.0,0.0815484449420359,0.0,0.0,0.09632333384531097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602446209951718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3827124137553486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718170141085628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644430214164118,0.0,0.0,0.2398818587523598,0.27717441414420696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241702167043,0.0,0.0,0.10680372385479876,0.0,0.1286313428271164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08387652930907986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,my_thoughts_2019,2019/05/06,"I’m not sure I will be able to go back to university (TW: abusive relationship) We dated very briefly, but before we dated, she was always very inconsistent with me - sometimes she’d talk to me, other times not. Once she disappeared for four months and suddenly contacted me, apologising for not responding. She has broken up with me twice; the second time was very traumatic and sudden, and I am still getting over it. I have developed PTSD as a result of being involved with her. The mere thought of returning to university induces a panic attack; she is likely to ignore me (which she’s done often in the past) and this too causes panic attacks. She acts very charming and happy with everyone in the class, and even seeing her do this makes me feel anxious. Her entire presence causes me stress and anxiety. The sight of the university building causes me anxiety. Everything to do with her and the university makes me ill. I am worried about going back there, and I’m starting to think I’m not able to. I have four months’ holiday, and we don’t go back until October, but I’m worried about making progress with healing and then seeing her - I think it would be a lot better for me never to have to see her again, if I’m honest. I don’t know what to do, I feel like I’m trapped and no one understands.",4.900804444444447,6.2703785560000025,5.96906666666667,77.0049777777778,69.44,8.915555555555557,29.488888888888887,9.2995712137729,2.6630622222222216,1029,39,186,21,18,342,132,250,0.20600000000000002,0.682,0.11199999999999999,-0.9792,0,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,3,0,0,2,11,13,2,3,10,0,21,2,0,8,2,49,45,18,0,2,7,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,7,21,0,1,8,1,0,5,8,6,0,5,4,6,34,7,31,35,1,28,0,0,4,0,21,4,0,3,21,139,41,1,0.20983398421670926,0.12430947949489045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729934215915311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16052242358491114,0.11852633764794032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23871644966402106,0.0,0.2420240723756809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927663278260631,0.0,0.0,0.09279055353091137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3233359548325713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736650932847017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0692966837918495,0.0,0.0,0.10025268207845413,0.09429262742028482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10609836722574972,0.07495272012561481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481479808745782,0.0,0.17888023328462965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11168608902288443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765963504636761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10251428556433943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919667482338049,0.0,0.0,0.2100987207783663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748748426879498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08091845224136293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173317247519506,0.07109446912571861,0.0,0.0,0.2461949692207443,0.0,0.0,0.10015514057253352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12264234929264245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11264158543616876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2508157771847969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10376558791570444,0.0,0.07426078701908823,0.0,0.08378684542453567,0.0,0.12018205998260592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888302342052434,0.0,0.0,0.08432830407166865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445314436113662,0.0,0.08329237239229145,0.12235588363696455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922228888125296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3462700251427366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21309659655604965,0.0,0.07453002097821404,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,not_radica1,2019/05/06,"At what point does a bad memory become PTSD? Preface: sorry, your sub probably gets this all the time. I have chronic migraines, anxiety, and depression so I follow those subs and see similar questions there quite frequently... But this has been on my mind for 6+ months now so I'm hoping your community can give me some advice/support. At what point does a really bad memory of a situation become PTSD? I don't feel like going into the extreme details of mine, but I will say that every time I visit my boyfriend's house (drive down his Street, park in his driveway, open his door, cook dinner at his place, sit on his couch....) or any time we are intimate, the bad memory comes to the forefront of my mind. Yes, it has to do with infidelity... I haven't been able to climax during any type of sex since that day (other than by myself, and that's been like a handful of times). I have gotten to the point where I'm no longer worried or untrusting with him. I don't compare myself to her consciously, but I know I do it subconsciously all the time. I can't seem to stop myself. The smallest things remind me of her and that moment and the words that were said. It took a really long time but I know this situation is now about me and my subconscious thoughts than anything else (aka nothing to do with him anymore). Is this PTSD? I have had a number of panic attacks over it, at least that's what I've been calling them. Or is this just a bad memory I can't move on from? Are there techniques I can use to cope until I find a therapist? I was seeing one up until that night. But he actually scolded me for my response so I stopped seeing him because I didn't feel comfortable. I haven't found anyone in my town taking new patients since then. Not sure what to do. Are online therapists even real? Sorry for all the questions. I just can't let this memory of her run my life and everything I do.",3.3685057471264344,4.9586675702917775,4.647870026525201,84.12227365163572,73.56233421750663,7.78528735632184,24.76825817860301,8.447377352677275,1.5757487886825818,1482,46,296,26,30,490,196,377,0.132,0.8420000000000001,0.025,-0.9893,0,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,1,2,1,1,12,12,1,1,17,1,35,7,1,1,4,49,58,21,0,1,11,0,3,2,0,1,3,2,3,0,24,14,2,2,11,1,0,8,10,7,0,1,13,8,52,5,43,43,5,50,0,1,3,1,23,21,0,8,22,206,76,1,0.08605856295255765,0.0,0.08398074334474585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170455477632162,0.0,0.06583456510606138,0.0,0.0853469698232474,0.06017414817768274,0.0,0.07081886464517463,0.0,0.0,0.0979040391760636,0.0,0.0,0.2874212215872386,0.05246050120917657,0.19008984300639012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08787541469872298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07413183183769834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05550065365711905,0.0,0.07412211416819031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506208567564099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189088655325677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056840869192526886,0.0,0.07250805096291484,0.0,0.07734388729358611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08702759039861642,0.06148025456862113,0.0,0.0,0.07865596745631549,0.0,0.0,0.09435877233951663,0.0,0.0,0.04496204720651331,0.08255521532531726,0.048909064546300014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547557095544947,0.0,0.09930002720341426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459107114574226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08800071126501828,0.06078570806745937,0.0840877337453964,0.0,0.0,0.07615912010796891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378923208693858,0.0,0.06869112390214922,0.09146663301466176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08311589636442887,0.0,0.08076013156404124,0.0,0.08257551216525696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831550946976793,0.0,0.0,0.10097118127159528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08991288165399412,0.0,0.24405947572787764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09278568632423133,0.0,0.3017935643737343,0.0,0.1928105718684679,0.0915338748579444,0.0,0.09795348525715768,0.11026263816570908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0818614005805026,0.06843722339766804,0.0,0.0,0.2057325979004472,0.07834448357842598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423770651580141,0.1934668609422328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926710310141308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438976241514038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765823739845182,0.08110917712152738,0.0,0.0647053292200179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19984124910215906,0.05717348525445017,0.0,0.0,0.06832088614956673,0.3010886407336025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0956142299454762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432696731176228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739664806037765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,faith_191,2019/05/06,"How to tell a person you started dating about your triggers? Hello all, After doing my research on Google, I decided to post here since I am hoping to find someone with a similar experience who could give me some good tips for what I am going through right now. My PTSD is related to a relationship I had couple years ago and is associated with violence, anger and disrespect that I faced at the very beginning of the relationship with my partner at that time. I did not know about my PTSD for several years and only found out why exactly I struggled with certain things (especially physical part of my following relationship) last year. At that time, I was with a long-term partner - our communication and trust was well developed so sharing this with him and developing coping strategies was quite manageable (although not completely easy as I was still trying to make sense of everything and had to go back to my past experience) I recently started dating a new person and unfortunately, since my trauma happened right at the beginning of the other relationship, I find myself easily triggered (sometimes by suggestion of being alone somewhere with the guy, sometimes by specific touches). I know that with time, and trust that will hopefully develop between us, they will tend to affect me less but in the meantime, it is truly hard to hide my fear, not to snap... and explain it somehow. And for the other person not to take it personally, thinking they are doing something wrong or that I am scared of them. Lot of websites recommend to wait couple of months before telling your new partner but that will not likely work out for me as it is getting in the way now... If you have experience with this, is there anything that helped you when you start reliving the trauma? I wish I could control my physical response but my body just reacts on its own trying to protect itself (becoming jumpy, pushing the person away..) Or would you just go ahead, even so early in the dating stage and try to explain? If I decide to do so, I will most likely not share details but then, I actually do not even know what to say. I just feel like the most beautiful part of relationships is now ruined for me and I find it difficult to even ask my friends what they would do. Thank you for any experience you might want to share! Sending a lot of love to all of you.",10.306997332039778,8.265838285714286,9.876485568760607,64.93735993208831,59.0,13.099975745816153,41.2752849866602,11.723238792162213,4.833554838709677,1872,80,321,43,19,609,221,434,0.105,0.778,0.11699999999999999,0.8272,0,1,1,0,0,0,48.0,2,10,4,4,23,25,1,3,18,0,33,3,2,7,4,81,64,29,0,10,18,0,3,3,4,7,0,1,0,9,24,23,0,3,13,0,0,6,7,9,1,0,8,4,53,16,67,46,11,54,0,1,0,1,48,14,0,13,34,255,77,3,0.0,0.0,0.0713564060804005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481813393373698,0.0,0.0,0.07573221438160797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049725385269630974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017307614234349,0.0,0.06835908626552226,0.0,0.06870041247482384,0.05622621151256324,0.0,0.0,0.08075737061317746,0.06222133346519933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08122192357418093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07666689907378135,0.0,0.08201240513237845,0.11676374101979516,0.16181593693072066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488893462450989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06571723004286968,0.2861089151403483,0.0,0.08228244312226568,0.03697261915859761,0.052238285066327585,0.0,0.0,0.20049621845163487,0.0,0.0,0.08017436626711948,0.05649378243502851,0.0,0.03820316385511996,0.07014516940658629,0.12467054702475368,0.06133116297654224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240215655166299,0.06466143623264539,0.0,0.06550284110649142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049012054242857823,0.0,0.0,0.145253049881053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12055761741500336,0.05960409094432768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10717096985351636,0.0,0.0,0.06471056202541013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12433121355925053,0.06599535079043105,0.0,0.04880942212502986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757075841022737,0.0,0.0,0.05836518630419488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412431330446833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05561248408219625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583677388617852,0.06980310754990365,0.0,0.31923602210286856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003054745948997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17095112739914387,0.0,0.0,0.07777411921282641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219903415912919,0.3925276654720616,0.0,0.1248913705046626,0.0,0.05814945318752781,0.07320775723166757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260691011005672,0.0,0.12097434808650707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061955930903802685,0.0562927949719008,0.14463881637734444,0.0,0.15526812722947128,0.0,0.058395227134651215,0.0,0.0,0.07644286453667883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05497855298131826,0.0,0.1278234906870566,0.06732080207559017,0.0,0.0,0.048578927363156985,0.04685354761928688,0.0,0.0,0.12791386726709006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489348682646244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08795661734299337,0.0,0.0,0.06033320823118799,0.04312917883790485,0.058040744116092315,0.0,0.0,0.0657453509293371,0.0,0.06598112254092013,0.0,0.08408655233343916,0.0,0.0,0.0532335988895337,0.0,0.0,0.10388736994026164,0.07994729597204751,0.0,0.14126427830886285 ptsd,o277006173,2019/08/19,"I had my first (consensual) kiss and hated it I’m (16m) currently in an outhouse hiding from her because if I have to kiss her again I’m gonna vomit. I really liked her. We’ve been cuddling, holding hands, everything and last night we finally kissed, which led to making out. I hated it. I kept thinking about the guys that touched me. I wanted to vomit and brush my teeth and I was just waiting for her to finally be done so I could go to bed and cry. I knew it was her first kiss too so I kissed her back as much as I could so I didn’t ruin her first kiss but I wanted to puke. I’m so tired and sad. I thought I wanted this. I thought I liked her. I can’t even look at her now and the smell of her perfume makes me wanna puke. She didn’t force me to do anything and it was completely consensual, but now I can’t stop freaking out because I wanted to love it and I couldn’t. I think I’m really really broken. Camp isn’t over for another week and I just wanna go home and go to bed. (Please delete if not allowed I just wanted to tell somebody.)",-0.32826666666666426,1.7900533288888916,2.1346666666666683,94.60066666666668,89.04444444444445,5.28888888888889,18.555555555555557,6.775458762138228,0.07242222222222239,809,23,187,11,27,276,112,225,0.177,0.723,0.1,-0.9672,2,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,3,14,14,2,0,3,0,17,13,2,4,0,45,43,21,0,12,8,0,2,2,0,1,3,0,3,1,8,14,0,4,5,0,0,4,7,5,0,3,12,6,41,9,24,26,1,23,0,2,1,8,15,5,0,2,16,126,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13693927872408712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074677998255719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004187857953024,0.0,0.15921787707115134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692540736022898,0.0,0.0,0.2085374913709964,0.0,0.14345146374985346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336430842933995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625615763398455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11736953760900287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28611886069939424,0.0,0.3332497711005465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226588742132235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293086703566158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2578692324221468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13099650940439586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645160468840742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760334104780066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10966613554895628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786625519006122,0.0,0.17434512385991713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960016745420658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255369662160495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335308226984605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25098573351894216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1091824978073278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414498136730505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16735882555700507,0.0,0.2073542227318836,0.0,0.1500986828482623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3851388573710981,0.0,0.10475469300196658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cfbuzzkill90,2019/08/19,"My therapist is leaving I've made a lot of progress in therapy with my therapist in the last year. She's now leaving the clinic to work in a school. I've been crying all day. It took me years to find a therapist I could talk to. It took me months to trust her. And now I feel abandoned. She said she would recommend me to another therapist but it feels like I have to start all over again. And I'm devastated. My mother took me to my appointment today and told me to stop crying, they're giving me another therapist, it's not a big deal. But it's a big deal for me. I don't want to have to tell my story all over again. It's really hard for me to trust people. Just looking for some support. And to hear that it will be ok.",0.922359307359308,2.8131369935064967,3.1256883116883145,90.93900865800863,81.66233766233766,7.223549783549784,21.305627705627707,8.238735603445708,1.0419762770562777,563,17,129,12,15,192,83,154,0.121,0.7390000000000001,0.14,0.4727,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,5,6,0,0,7,1,9,1,0,1,3,23,24,6,0,3,4,1,3,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,8,5,0,2,3,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,7,6,21,5,22,13,5,22,0,1,1,0,13,7,0,2,13,84,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22623677601225986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08613096652224461,0.0,0.2369955280573409,0.06957170829204304,0.2224327971123375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909165448712367,0.07706731461206871,0.0,0.0,0.09859757791514392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348540026362477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09663655797905027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158516287199855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793411236874255,0.0,0.2284522276286452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270322867921131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058946846911962,0.0,0.0,0.09171312514667014,0.0,0.1020757784153773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610635225842814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478829413316666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06910873649676219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1026156829926684,0.0,0.0,0.10917723264324207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635586042705954,0.0,0.0,0.0901899605834226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241748442414395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08670740607814831,0.0942892091411909,0.0,0.12336669385797483,0.6262672676409796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225473484911386,0.10308104865968068,0.3595657821670579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0636286200866023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07853570438507469,0.0,0.0,0.07663269011646144,0.0,0.0,0.13893843778948448 ptsd,Loonelle,2019/08/19,I just had a panic attack!! What should I do? I just got off the phone with my mom. Her husband got home and started berating her on the vegetables she got. I heard the conversation. I felt scared. My stomach dropped. I'm terrified for my mother. What if he is beating my mom? What if she is in danger? He knows where I live. What if he comes to get us too. I'm terrified. I feel like throwing up. What should I do? I've known him 4 years so far. I can't shake this feeling of dread. It's just her and him in the house. My father was an abusive alcoholic. This situation triggered me and I cant stop thinking about it. What if her husband is the same? Please guys I need someone to talk to.,-0.9641485507246372,1.1145681527777782,1.2739613526570075,97.08021739130436,100.11111111111113,4.448792270531402,19.45531400966184,6.280692351149826,0.07605350241545894,530,19,121,7,23,176,88,144,0.21100000000000002,0.723,0.066,-0.9784,0,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,1,7,7,2,4,7,0,11,3,1,1,0,24,26,8,0,7,7,6,3,1,0,2,1,1,1,1,10,5,2,1,6,0,0,3,2,6,0,0,7,4,26,1,12,17,1,14,0,0,0,0,23,7,0,4,4,80,36,0,0.0,0.20493661674563315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18484822337662252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19677397795589904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899503193764113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17491377576216655,0.12356705973543393,0.16607463894926858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09036768002958573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4150105183166984,0.0,0.0,0.17126369275396522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349916194021506,0.0,0.0,0.199579726519823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505767844258584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450252923999639,0.0,0.1527322887493188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4051517537769994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12825221648277013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20293852189272688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18986490364093905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1731693010108718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19442121157934505,0.0,0.0,0.1465536666304043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242633876675126,0.0,0.0,0.14460745522334556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13902364809640375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11082973168315824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080569945117541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11138453654639577 ptsd,phdstudentlife19,2019/08/19,"Anaphylaxis and PTSD Hey, i had an anaphylactic shock recently and needed to call an ambulance. Two weeks later i thought i was having another. Went to a&e and they told me nothing was wrong and was most likely a post nasal drip from spicy food. I now feel like im having another even though logically i know im not. Has anyone else experienced something similar? I read online that many people get some form of PTSD after having an anaphylactic shock. For people who have experienced this, how did you stop it? Thank you in advance!",4.025151515151514,6.8087210606060635,5.196252525252528,75.44104545454549,75.76767676767676,8.404444444444445,26.061616161616165,9.120678840339163,2.6152294949494945,431,16,73,11,10,142,74,99,0.07400000000000001,0.843,0.08199999999999999,0.2037,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,1,1,4,6,0,0,4,0,10,2,1,1,0,14,18,6,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,1,1,4,1,0,2,1,3,0,1,8,4,10,3,7,10,3,10,0,0,0,0,7,1,0,2,8,48,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17396272709465252,0.0,0.0,0.33671464289300657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226472590970192,0.16450894379654574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639459742117688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13412421976419656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604594819565567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118210958161935,0.1147014812345075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19414536339791694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388406082747606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468567971826344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823756544359619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568794352255748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277892824421206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190504915604464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405813826748918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226191001790241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537685916577827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753635385712575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16059978862675825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15853001589232896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12360411445186407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342322893106283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1478187062642053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.157745788665419,0.1274637994848044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341846317063906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15684021423694786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878861117923873,0.0,0.0,0.14883733554066247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554315301591678,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mt-traveler90,2019/08/19,"Is this ptsd? Hey guys, forgive me for not doing a lot of research before posting this here. The thought just popped into my head, and I've got to get back to work so I wanted to ask while it's on my mind. My previous job had me on call 24/7 for a little over 3 years. It was in the medical field, and if a patient or nurse called me any time, day or night, I had to respond to the call. I would work my 9+ regular hours at the office or in the field, and then several more hours a day after hours on call, not to mention every weekend.. It was a good job, but I absolutely hated that part of it. It caused me to lose a lot of friends and put a lot of hardship between me and my family because I was ALWAYS at work. Anyway, about 2 months ago I decided that I needed to leave that job for my own mental well-being. I should note that I had always kept the standard AT&T ringtone on my phone. After my last day, I changed my phone number, ringtone, etc. I needed to be free. Since leaving, I have noticed that almost everyone has that ringtone. When I'm out shopping or at a restaurant and someone's phone rings with that ringtone, an almost overwhelming amount of anxiety washes over me to the point that I almost feel sick at my stomach. After 10 minutes or so, and as quickly as I can distract myself with something else, it's mostly gone but I still feel ""off"" for a while. I even still hear ""phantom"" ringing a lot, where I will be alone and think my phone is ringing but it isn't. Typing this all out makes me feel like I'm crazy or something. Is this PTSD or something else, and if so, how can I get over it?",4.603468468468467,4.529009369369374,5.467463963963965,85.51903378378378,69.42042042042041,7.861201201201202,29.562912912912914,7.1686216300943375,1.552693813813813,1252,43,266,10,20,411,169,333,0.08900000000000001,0.8590000000000001,0.052000000000000005,-0.9199,3,1,3,0,0,0,47.0,0,0,0,4,15,9,1,2,18,0,20,5,2,3,1,56,39,31,0,7,15,0,3,1,1,3,3,4,0,1,20,14,0,1,7,2,2,2,3,4,0,0,10,7,37,6,45,24,11,47,0,2,0,0,16,20,0,17,25,190,57,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772429500446962,0.0,0.2617696159290181,0.0902491216151478,0.0,0.0,0.14501228880162192,0.0944144396423868,0.0,0.059257112434954275,0.0,0.0666606513643437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08146265813370647,0.0,0.0,0.0670040648116673,0.0,0.05311877090506787,0.0,0.07414837578446905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3559122702970125,0.0,0.0,0.08951515880583481,0.09218089224409486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685912127453137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14558593398709965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09718237022023553,0.05755410335566174,0.0,0.0734178755272421,0.08326449276212397,0.0,0.0,0.08214634549633291,0.0,0.13217940727553196,0.06225170332616992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732292569431053,0.0,0.09105245393911154,0.0,0.0,0.07308757087674224,0.06969255322792868,0.0,0.0,0.08628073383546647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08603114758511997,0.08942915643995572,0.0,0.09821133026459987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574413674936618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594143029591797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07102944098913518,0.0,0.18453400601964104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042571429568869015,0.08733558705432129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09748560074806424,0.0,0.2963278679935906,0.0,0.0,0.05816557074550153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778278884369385,0.08781503030462465,0.0,0.08798496194484473,0.0,0.06955305400573714,0.0,0.0,0.12922406583928234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177350250064037,0.0,0.0,0.09920766659536244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09436241526250852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08237397076267591,0.0,0.08345451728903609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037202954234333,0.08759817801748143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984416095270632,0.0,0.07208179994419826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07383209891027437,0.2012502344329756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917770656655187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05583477984529996,0.0,0.06917817054281672,0.05081111236266296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051396496694131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834790280598597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19031341864580184,0.0,0.0,0.061900632119199474,0.0,0.0,0.056114284333179866 ptsd,k_getaman,2019/08/19,"Mauled by a dog at work ... do I have PTSD? Hi everyone, thanks in advance to whoever reads this. I was diagnosed with bipolar II about a month and a half ago. On August 1st (only 2 days after my medication dosage was increased), I was mauled by a dog at work. Granted it’s a work-related risk as I am a Veterinary Assistant - but this was like anything I’ve ever experience. The pet was doing that plucky puppy thing where they jump up to bite the leash. He wasn’t growling, or barking, or showing teeth ... as a matter of fact, he was wagging his tail (which yes, I know, does not always mean happiness). Suddenly, he went up for the leash (or so I thought), and got my arm. Then he bit my ankle, knocked me over, bit my inner thigh, and finally my breast. I was sent back to work light-duty a day and a half later, and have been working ever since. Every time we have a big aggressive dog come in now, I can feel myself having trouble breathing. My heart rate quickens, and I get a weird tunnel vision sensation. Not like I’m passing out, but almost as if the entire world around me (including sounds) gets loud and bright, than suddenly everything starts fading out (like portrait mode on the iPhone). I do have an anti-anxiety med that my doctor gave me when I saw her after I was attacked. It helps. But I’m just confused, am I experiencing PTSD? If so, what can I or should I do?",3.470602240896355,4.915477558823532,4.775399159663866,83.89495098039217,73.04411764705883,7.828011204481792,26.555322128851557,8.418075326091056,1.7747557422969185,1064,37,213,18,21,353,172,272,0.06,0.845,0.094,0.8377,0,0,0,0,0,0,56.0,1,0,1,5,11,12,2,2,17,1,24,10,6,0,3,36,40,23,0,3,12,0,1,3,0,1,4,2,1,0,9,13,0,0,4,2,0,7,3,6,0,2,16,6,30,6,27,23,3,43,0,0,2,1,12,16,0,8,23,137,39,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406534230481405,0.0,0.12885249647881786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070704598347828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09843836896099788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589108496592502,0.11455076086362642,0.0,0.14638987765255268,0.0,0.0989454906128558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2809662434263746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108447606882137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16597341574215174,0.0,0.0,0.1306055292380112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317074540151365,0.1126070434787757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23279335691482986,0.10841682119159456,0.12295740728768972,0.11564754930815033,0.1258718408003901,0.0,0.0,0.06506349696124028,0.0,0.0,0.14096053254020352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445795791393664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10291560505444472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698019495986466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524841288215217,0.08625019581694357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07071810033877841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859681110192472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401681381076038,0.14293232391749386,0.12962961476915627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270960532862734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786546832313313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30083554833762244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12871288899911446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10644382665116317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09107899804480933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184694755457936,0.0,0.0,0.08548798989097542,0.0,0.0,0.10215601162852024,0.07503321560325983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928585717439333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4683958262096295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lkaaaa93,2019/08/19,"Injury causing issues My partner has ptsd. My partner is currently off work injuried and his ex is being an asshole about his child *legal stuff happening there* . These two things are taking a HUGE toll on his mental health and I don't know what to do. I'm sitting up at night calming him during his panic attacks. He kicks the bed, punches pillows, tosses around. I'm trying to keep him busy during the day, but it's limited due to injury. I would love to send him to his dad's but that's 12hrs away and he's got so many appointments for his injury and is possibly having surgery next week. I'm seriously lost as to how to help him. I'm here 10000000% for him. He won't go to his Dr for it because he wants to focus on his injury, so he'll only talk about things with his psychologist.. but he's had to cancel his appt because of specialist appts, can't get one for 10 days. He's having panic attacks, he's snappy, he's miserable, he's shut down, eating terribly (Even if I cook good food), he won't go out unless I am going. Please give me some advice on how else I can help.",1.783416988416988,3.780913184684685,3.522046332046333,88.64013513513517,79.31531531531532,6.0303732303732325,21.83268983268983,7.07126945348624,0.6617770913770915,845,25,174,10,21,282,136,222,0.17800000000000002,0.725,0.09699999999999999,-0.9583,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,3,10,11,2,3,4,0,17,6,0,3,0,21,35,14,0,3,5,2,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,3,8,7,3,2,1,1,0,4,4,8,0,2,3,0,23,3,30,27,1,24,0,2,0,1,37,12,0,2,7,100,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661219928767127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12445278468748465,0.0,0.3180882918029638,0.1313479107582533,0.0,0.0,0.17044313347221005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436144313974831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18032052879854152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305161764371047,0.11678603606334648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092337431316455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16904827070892045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304040217464636,0.1341101329590304,0.23835687872748776,0.11725868639136458,0.11181186000214527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362581605894167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14860223027623448,0.0,0.0,0.18741171107607876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14591622171875304,0.0,0.12426180703068995,0.0,0.0,0.07683113100791764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15260961886394073,0.0,0.12617611938294826,0.0,0.0,0.14173656195505482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088681530138075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14868025433344978,0.13119403709581126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947329699007616,0.10632517816323092,0.0,0.3280533759618527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345983117243295,0.0,0.1576049451369322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163420222796145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003902601734007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511316905490836,0.11236697860809733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18575552565615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491589681882892,0.0,0.1365655431081859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245842097605834,0.0,0.1121401594445054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177700168605944,0.0,0.0,0.09931082292135922,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,redheadedalex,2019/08/19,"I wrote about some similarities/common symptoms [Check it out.](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/csiskq/cptsd_and_adhd_symptomssimilarities_overlap/) I figured you guys might have some good input....hope you enjoy!",14.915,20.974852259259254,8.457314814814819,46.450416666666676,63.444444444444436,7.1444444444444475,28.972222222222207,8.07648339933343,3.1058222222222223,189,6,18,3,4,49,24,27,0.0,0.715,0.285,0.75,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,0,10,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4252852183733612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5020541836383136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5378945274932841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5270138110307598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ZaneyFlywuff,2019/08/19,"How long until I figure this all out? A year ago my boyfriend of 5 years almost died after being hit by a car. Miraculously, he recovered enough to come home in a month. He lived, and yet I still feel stuck in that time. I still remember the first night vividly. I still remember when he woke up. I remember how scared I and his family were, I remember when it felt like I had to push against their wishes out of respect for his. I remember all of the friends and loved ones who came to our aid, and I remember feeling alone when all I wanted to do was hug my boyfriend. It's nights like tonight where I'm up into the morning, and left with these conflicted emotions. He lived, so I feel like I should be feeling better a year out. But, I'm not. It got so close to him dying, and while I know that everyone dies eventually, the thought of losing him, for real, scares me. I feel angry, scared, itchy for a fight I don't want to participate in, and just sad. I want to be able to move on, and enjoy the second chance with him that I'm so incredibly lucky to receive. I've already started therapy. I have a willingness to grow from my experience, and a desire to turn this pain into something constructive. So I just want to know, what am I not doing right with processing all of this stuff?",3.688310893512853,4.901568418604652,4.753076295389636,85.17097307221545,72.17829457364341,8.377315381476949,26.757241942064468,8.841846274778883,1.855322480620156,1004,34,211,19,19,329,144,258,0.135,0.71,0.154,0.7338,0,1,1,0,1,0,34.0,1,0,1,3,17,18,1,3,12,0,12,3,0,2,4,58,38,21,3,7,5,0,6,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,13,20,0,1,16,0,0,7,3,7,0,3,9,7,31,10,39,24,5,44,0,2,1,2,17,15,0,2,25,144,44,0,0.08759073685143047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07764390329614868,0.0,0.08770947050098347,0.0907175873939844,0.09665855619720323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07746688875936067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018046851949007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545166398362863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2727160681736234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09852778956698842,0.0,0.0905046456473746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836967026801061,0.0,0.0856805479853563,0.08257275132757881,0.0,0.22144254179626469,0.0625748399081187,0.08410084343917648,0.0,0.0,0.07450463602007809,0.0,0.0,0.067672386013198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07005431382617867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786065077413563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09627515655576503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09516759187611633,0.0,0.0,0.12837722893978332,0.0,0.15468845075300552,0.07751504579377055,0.0,0.09799162969396956,0.0,0.0,0.07905405977910439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991409049043787,0.09309509139131514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.164395945951654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05935375015661633,0.0,0.09320271961604744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09969743458963004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5953393803539019,0.0748020106834664,0.0,0.0,0.2630808237476122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743162852445603,0.0,0.0,0.061997174370490925,0.0,0.2098502267853592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10027043779469913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016764119802056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953726107978647,0.05107486304411593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09527356938109964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20665314397084936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10072502464446816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692166882716246 ptsd,horehoundtea,2019/08/19,"i think i’m just stuck disassociating hi. im going through something really scary and id just like to let it out. so back in 2016 i was 13 and experienced my first ever breakup with someone i was unhealthily obsessed with, and it completely broke me. ever since then i’ve been stuck in this state of dissociation. you’d think it would stop but it just hasn’t. im stuck here. feeling like nothing is real now matter how much i remind myself that it is. not even physical pain can make me feel like im real. im really scared. what im stuck like this forever? this is gonna sound dramatic but if this is the way im gonna feel for the rest of my life then i want to die now. i don’t want to go through this any longer. i want it to stop.",-0.3093670886075941,1.8893768607594976,2.2036582278481056,93.33422151898735,90.51898734177216,5.6916455696202535,18.026582278481012,7.1686216300943375,0.1899939240506332,576,16,135,10,20,197,91,158,0.16699999999999998,0.6990000000000001,0.134,-0.7491,0,0,1,0,0,1,14.0,0,1,0,1,12,8,0,2,2,0,13,2,0,2,2,31,31,10,1,5,7,0,3,4,0,3,2,1,0,0,13,6,0,2,5,0,0,2,3,4,0,1,7,5,13,4,14,19,2,17,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,14,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07499296874122406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479714133003036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156246117461069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11445137791997148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07283772186196386,0.1995059205298864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16727993907783367,0.15756555963647054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09380259451923936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12534730346525402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7147163851797779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11276694782878355,0.07789276554522218,0.21550546462633274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07361156575965408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106717781528834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10581492283888168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734379742326925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510415064345589,0.14129409849939778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11040773278920256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912232801751876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343837487449183,0.08489755867738139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18439505365472786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413236564372912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513484769725933,0.08753371513591487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833848088147595,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ChokeOnOscar,2019/08/19,Sleeplessness In Iraq I saw a man burned alive in a bus. When it happened I remeber the soldiers who did it were laughing at him. 15 years later and I just had an incredibly vivid recreation of the dream except I was in the bus with him as we shot it up and it caught fire. I literally woke up patting off the flames and lathered in sweat. Fuck war...,1.1841197183098586,3.556673943661973,2.6627992957746507,91.77898767605636,84.2112676056338,5.803521126760564,22.959507042253517,7.1686216300943375,0.8084774647887327,274,10,59,4,8,89,52,71,0.114,0.7809999999999999,0.105,-0.1779,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,0,2,3,2,0,7,0,4,2,1,0,0,7,9,5,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,7,3,8,1,12,2,0,12,0,0,2,1,5,8,1,0,3,41,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6454758605411646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6174171126950732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4496187522890056 ptsd,wordsmith8015,2019/08/19,"Learning with memory loss? It should be noted that I [22M] have cerebral palsy, the result of brain damage at birth, in addition to trauma: When I was 18, my older brother died suddenly. The trauma of his death and burial completely changed me, but I went to college anyway; I graduate this semester. In my four years there memory loss, panic attacks, and insomnia have been the worst symptoms. I'm realizing now that I'd love to get my Ph.D at some point, but the memory loss and sleep difficulties have made learning extremely difficult even as I've made major strides--therapy, meds, maintaining a job, etc. Any suggestions for how to combat persistent retention issues?",9.517465564738297,8.778340264462809,9.731198347107444,61.21376721763086,59.57851239669422,14.017079889807164,40.00137741046832,13.023866798666859,5.704883195592287,536,24,83,18,6,179,91,121,0.28800000000000003,0.6709999999999999,0.040999999999999995,-0.9849,1,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,4,6,11,1,1,5,0,7,5,2,4,0,16,13,8,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,10,0,1,5,0,9,1,13,6,4,12,0,4,0,1,4,5,0,1,6,53,13,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421399178986052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23778900362070665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23333405220950726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211141231321108,0.0,0.2191521831514772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169284632145028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331111584193208,0.13805491340269874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092036702056509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181612707461313,0.2074188577493085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18864758296343584,0.39555719117078497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321727119015752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24523846810651834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19759028005357604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091697013422222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21725051362004533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23903115736188865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19376247578308087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13460122237330427 ptsd,soimlazy,2019/08/19,"Med-evacs. They're the worst trigger. Helicopters in general, but if I see the bright yellow and it's not just sitting there,l it's a shit show from there. Even when I'm doing ""well"" My apartment is way too close to the local hospital. A rural hospital where anything requiring a specialist other than a ""normal"" cardiologist or orthopedist requires patients to be transferred to the city 100ish miles away. Almost every night, I have to hear at least one patient be transferred. It's a small town, though, and I have a very limited budget, so finding rentals is extremely difficult. I hate this.",3.6801070336391466,6.619028256880736,4.515802752293581,78.86495795107035,78.35779816513761,7.670030581039757,29.266819571865447,8.59863814320734,2.8442837920489303,476,22,79,11,12,153,83,109,0.17800000000000002,0.787,0.035,-0.9481,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,3,9,6,2,0,10,0,7,1,1,1,0,16,11,8,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,4,1,1,0,4,5,2,9,9,2,14,0,0,3,0,1,10,1,3,2,54,10,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25772530956647915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179886613729468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418136216089659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16999469993700006,0.0,0.21685073683000544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23523738774474526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541059327880147,0.0,0.0,0.2900819341337528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858871844578354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415303377152934,0.2521742482330083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744049250972719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20509568639709275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2641931994871428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252871028707553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21236250351506866,0.0,0.2042934245953019,0.0,0.0,0.2314123138343816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,handgrenade-princess,2019/08/19,"Ptsd and paranoia I've been abused most of my life. Mom, neighbor, ex's pretty extensive and painful events. Now I have such a hard time believing people. I'm not sure if it's years of being told how awful people are,that no one will ever believe more or just the fact everyone who was suppose to love me and keep me safe didn't and were the main ones to inflict pain. The manipulation I had to weave my way threw makes me look for hidden meanings behind most kind acts or words. I just want to know that I'm not alone in this. *this is my first post sorry if it's a rough read",3.843657024793391,4.3531957107438055,4.546766528925623,89.4037861570248,71.23140495867769,7.372314049586778,24.21590909090909,7.1686216300943375,0.7161314049586771,455,11,102,4,8,146,90,121,0.17800000000000002,0.6940000000000001,0.128,-0.5467,0,1,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,5,1,9,4,0,3,3,26,20,9,0,3,8,2,2,0,1,1,3,0,1,0,6,4,0,2,2,1,0,2,4,2,0,3,7,3,9,4,9,11,4,11,0,0,1,1,6,1,0,6,6,62,15,1,0.0,0.19912604987545895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1740616009789571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786967624598026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15202174774177754,0.0,0.16059049279925056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429534955519465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505505878147816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1493812737766177,0.0,0.175010765042399,0.09236250856086717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11870719749243056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411297961462081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516825634843718,0.0,0.1121827247138266,0.0,0.0,0.1830688436751637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683224406369426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277663917912071,0.0,0.3576597451055634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330261317017095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16095698914611406,0.17097952625276594,0.0,0.0,0.19645554515489688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810753194901235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881317077386196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839649504992773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799833402347853,0.0,0.0,0.16059049279925056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09912735259008387,0.1333998342099251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822645133847268 ptsd,gravymaster000,2019/08/19,"Just diagnosed this year and constantly feel in danger. How do you cope with this? My trauma started 11 years ago and ended 6 years ago. During this period I had a severe drug addiction, was in an emotionally, sexually, and physically abusive relationship, was present for the death of two members of my family in one night, and was raped and sexually assaulted by people outside of my relationship. Everything happened one after another. I got sober 6 years ago and turned my life completely around. Today I have a good job, amazing husband, and a generally very content life. I’ve suffered from anxiety for years, however this year it turned to a constant fear of danger. I’m afraid of people when I’m out and have fears of getting kidnapped, getting in a car accident and dying, etc. it is CONSTANT. I have a lot of nightmares, most of which are about my ex. I wake up terrified sometimes which I’m sure a lot of you can relate to. I started therapy and am going to start EMDR soon so I’m hoping that will help, but some days it’s absolutely unbearable. I’m on higher alert at night (I think because most of my traumas occurred in the middle of the night) and a lot of times cannot sleep due to fear. I was diagnosed with PTSD 2 months ago and I’m starting to understand more about it, especially because I’ve had some serious anger episodes since my trauma in which I was a threat to the people around me (luckily this part of me is under control, I haven’t had a serious anger episode in almost a year). It’s so confusing to me that the irrational, crippling fear is coming back to haunt me 6 years after everything happened! I’m thinking it’s because my life is comfortable now so my brain has decided to start processing? My psych prescribed me Prazosin which has been helping with the sleep issues. I think I’m kind of ranting because I’m in a lot of pain, but I’m really curious how you work through the fear of danger and impending doom feeling? I’m hoping it will subside with therapy. Thanks for reading.",5.03877630121816,6.4743296356589175,6.113018641565152,75.85276162790699,69.18087855297158,9.559579180509417,33.20127353266888,9.871247098662263,3.4744699889258026,1607,75,287,39,28,535,188,387,0.213,0.7090000000000001,0.078,-0.9952,2,0,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,3,0,2,14,31,8,7,20,0,26,13,4,3,1,48,60,21,2,2,3,2,2,0,0,2,8,0,0,0,18,21,0,1,7,1,0,3,2,23,0,3,10,2,29,8,54,48,11,56,1,2,0,1,9,16,0,12,37,186,47,4,0.0,0.08164155839096025,0.0,0.0751169895475126,0.0,0.0,0.24432169954032285,0.0,0.06899874294330151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225325516561218,0.05271239519068477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226807197187411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052983951873354695,0.0,0.1680162186647396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769211458967286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059355847642386314,0.0722459362195678,0.22338657486919444,0.07728319603359868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044438242801516224,0.0,0.0,0.13987493583950564,0.07151286239649851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990831642090929,0.0,0.0,0.0775092311727969,0.06102967753818949,0.0,0.0768476664984494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385535002882328,0.0,0.06495782052302873,0.3876883120106754,0.06968121882774538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07200039058855247,0.0,0.039160491675123234,0.05779452856715948,0.05510989365404589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186552617534845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237159158900776,0.0,0.0,0.13687709695034464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07191927100726503,0.06837791598605457,0.0,0.0,0.07175430639131344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14600963462440375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23432341814839094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054999583628889334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19398897663243567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09338408102079217,0.0,0.07332013812957809,0.0,0.0,0.07461776659334368,0.0,0.1433108567400656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054665309246482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892398505448871,0.0,0.044142524131470316,0.0,0.0,0.14795709244386798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784341914446463,0.0,0.056999207882730635,0.0,0.13791020180520958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06814914147509173,0.0,0.2438577654822678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494246587842284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343877777452088,0.15759851899189334,0.0,0.0,0.13245527550446146,0.0,0.0,0.04017925687974333,0.0,0.06531420381047746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14989844279001968,0.06731050317340885,0.07173288723857674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0568541204411768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05016390693472742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549822296750251 ptsd,smashedbutter,2019/08/19,"I'm getting slowly more and more scared of my son, the love of my life. I love my son. I was in abusive relationship with his father 13 years. My son is 12 now, and we divorced when he was 10. I basically raised him alone, as my partner wasn't interested. However, today... I see my son looking a bit more like my ex. I've seen a few expressions, I don't know. And makes me feel so so so so scared. I'm not triggered, but scares me a lot. Sometimes makes me sick. I know it's something horrible to say, but I literally get stomachaches out of being worried and scared. And I know it's irrational, since, of course, they will look at least a bit similar. Obviously, it's not his fault and he's awesome. I just can't help myself or my body reactions (I have NEVER said anything to him or make him notice in any way this, of course) Any advice would be appreciated :(",1.8930681818181831,3.7593339886363673,3.9193181818181837,86.55522727272732,78.43181818181819,7.127272727272729,24.63636363636364,8.07648339933343,1.3767,666,24,144,12,16,227,107,176,0.18899999999999997,0.695,0.11599999999999999,-0.9197,1,1,1,0,1,0,32.0,1,0,1,0,7,9,0,4,5,0,11,5,1,4,2,28,29,16,0,1,7,6,1,1,1,2,2,2,0,1,4,9,0,0,4,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,5,7,29,4,13,20,8,10,0,0,4,2,24,4,0,3,6,88,33,0,0.0,0.15974558923008106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13174943864751154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13963804850297293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18337125929321904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094949478960738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2943879814917505,0.14976019117051764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817157572252386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14088100528759412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037036172095099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2222888973399335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523089129292762,0.06586868925249306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264381024722546,0.0,0.0,0.11462340148894698,0.24336966956251985,0.0,0.2699902218527584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398535884316057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15349916666208094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475160309919008,0.0,0.0,0.12824945842725094,0.1072182588469686,0.5399334187482615,0.0,0.10743807653122428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11152864090701722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10379487908600216,0.13334538162941398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12779834410845334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1070178167667551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692134147006152,0.0,0.09577581826319588,0.0,0.0,0.08682288555494383 ptsd,Oopy-soup,2019/08/19,I'm discovering what my triggers are but I'm not sure where to go from there. I have found that certain dates such as anniversaries and family events set my symptoms in motion. Now that I've found that out how do I stop myself from allowing the triggers effecting me?,4.634615384615387,6.347247846153848,5.1376923076923084,81.38230769230772,70.53846153846153,9.046153846153846,28.384615384615394,9.516144504307137,2.576292307692308,216,8,41,5,4,69,41,52,0.10099999999999999,0.848,0.051,-0.3804,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,5,2,14,8,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,6,2,6,6,0,10,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,4,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3198284517938086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7439722003981769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928118788945325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2836403797380577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31975285116292834,0.35262580020506057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HappyyItalian,2019/01/31,"I have CPTSD and I feel like I'm no longer in control of my life I was diagnosed with CPTSD (Complex PTSD) which I didn't know existed. My psychologist helped point out that a lot of what I'm experiencing and how I act has become a part of me now because I grew up with constant trauma. Not only that, but the weird thoughts and reactions I have are of my brain trying to stabilize itself now that I've moved out on my own, trying to get used to the fact that I'm not in danger anymore. Ever since she pointed that out it gave me a whole new perspective on who I am as a person and why I react and think the way I do. Now that I'm aware of the way that I act almost every day, it makes sense as to why I feel so exhausted and overwhelmed all the time. I'm only 20 and I am already so exhausted and broken and feel like I have no control over who I am or my life. I don't want to be acting the way I do yet it's become apart of who I am so it's instinctive, so I'm now dealing with hating myself every day. I'm extremely hypervigilant so I have to be aware of everything that's going on around me at all times, I have to scan the room and all the people in it, I listen closely for every single sound no matter how small even if it's all the way down the street and very faint, I need to know what roommates are in the house at what times and where so I am always actively tracking them and if I am caught off guard I jump and get scared real easily, etc. I feel like I'm being watched most of the time. I always feel like I need to be ready to fight so I need to know what I have around me to use as weapons. I always feel like someones going to get mad at me out of nowhere and start screaming and hitting me just for sitting on the bus, opening the wrong tab on my computer, or slicing cucumbers. If my emotions get too overwhelmed and intense I completely shut down and disassociate to the point that I can't remember anything or anyone's faces and I don't know where I am. The list goes on but I go through this every day and I can't even relax in my own home or get schoolwork done. I feel like therapy is useless and I've had a lot of therapists tell me that they either couldn't help me, that I needed constant long term therapy that I can't afford, or they literally didn't know what to say. I'm so depressed I don't know if I even have a chance at a norma life anymore at this point.",4.344093567251463,3.971090884990257,5.685237816764133,84.75920175438596,69.97465886939571,8.711345029239766,28.01617933723197,8.238735603445708,1.6088958284600396,1876,56,423,24,30,635,211,513,0.128,0.789,0.083,-0.9812,1,0,0,0,1,1,29.0,0,0,3,2,25,23,5,3,23,0,36,9,2,8,6,91,82,45,0,10,15,0,7,6,0,0,7,4,2,1,30,32,0,3,17,1,0,10,14,16,0,0,8,14,63,7,61,68,15,74,0,4,2,0,16,40,0,13,25,287,93,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947955614429345,0.0,0.0765686253008975,0.0,0.1732028845877048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762354432624468,0.04851595531848395,0.0,0.05709835497273118,0.12353561224332572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042296757157812684,0.1532616681596173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745716584151174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274937727328286,0.14996215301351745,0.15564347780188495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13424372331908266,0.07153340441992424,0.059761630002254075,0.07042482256398742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07100545725343317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07804934915113805,0.0,0.0,0.0773831744068796,0.1374854062843813,0.06276315769497483,0.2338411073379718,0.0,0.062359213943724234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455837573596405,0.29741409299016736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812553014342287,0.0,0.11830013695535037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850381692601615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301527694816172,0.0,0.06959931445792125,0.0,0.0,0.08006155182620169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22879473927990185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702709315777313,0.20338950480086354,0.0,0.0,0.061403984603867486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1179781427361818,0.0,0.0,0.04631536044320128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07374580637798381,0.0,0.20579387808191385,0.0,0.06701294885579982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105541599685847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07513773559098318,0.0,0.04810316967243068,0.06058474280754079,0.0,0.0,0.26236690180203354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08110793714563083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897589011137117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07860024629408746,0.0,0.0,0.05517813501369665,0.06946699050723465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05739640311306435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879010950084955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04911141445568041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06064598582128353,0.0,0.15869673390358166,0.08056191409308731,0.0,0.044459427126000615,0.0,0.055084337047266084,0.1618369735521758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421640065814864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985358943205705,0.0,0.05725030463921889,0.0409253659750357,0.22029992301424192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1252192441492823,0.07746643352995264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586215259667774,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kalayle,2019/01/31,"TEIGGER WARNING: SEXUAL ASSAULT. Do I have PTSD? I was sexually assaulted by one of my best friends two years ago. It wasn't rape but it was two incidents of him trying to kiss me and touch me after I said no multiple times. I would always end of freezing so he would always get his way. For about four months, we were on and off friends and I would always forgive him after he assaulted me. It took me a while to realize that what he was doing was wrong. I told him I didn't want to talked to him again and to leave me alone. Unfortunately, we are in the same major so I still had classes with him and we were in two musicals together. Plus, he would always still try to talk to me even though I told him not to. I found myself disassociating and having multiple panic attacks that's semester. In one rehearsal, there was a possibility that I would have to dance with him and I had to leave the room because I couldn't breathe. I played it off that I was afraid of heights and didn't feel comfortable being lifted. I luckily didn't have to dance with him. During his last semester, I only took a few classes and I went to an IOP eating disorder clinic. I wasn't eating and I was planning on killing myself. I only saw him twice that semester and everytime I did, I would have a major panic attack. I luckily haven't seen him since he graduated last semester but ever since he assaulted me, I have been having vivid nightmares every night. My psychiatrist says it might be PTSD and gave me pills for it but I don't know if it is. I do have dreams about him sometimes but not every dream I have is about him. Most of my dreams are about being stalked, killed, or assaulted by someone else. A lot of them have to do with my family abandoning and choosing the side of my assaulter. I never feel well rested. I feel like I could sleep all day and never feel satisfied. The reason I want to figure this out is because I don't want to say I have PTSD if I don't. It isn't fair to the people that actually have it. Thank you if you have read this far. Sorry it was so long.",2.829299384825698,4.551931342105263,4.368192754613808,85.01634928229667,75.29186602870813,7.647956254272042,24.143814080656185,8.418075326091056,1.4723720300751884,1623,51,335,30,35,542,184,418,0.2,0.7070000000000001,0.092,-0.9929,0,1,0,0,0,1,38.0,3,2,1,2,15,26,11,3,11,0,58,8,2,1,4,64,78,28,2,14,10,0,6,1,2,7,2,3,1,0,19,23,2,1,11,7,0,5,16,16,1,7,29,12,70,10,46,37,9,37,0,1,3,2,37,12,0,7,20,257,89,4,0.0,0.0,0.07977238561496001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246297086736868,0.0,0.0,0.0846642893185708,0.0,0.0,0.2720771605113988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859959427687948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996633076902702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578747144400249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06526759604443452,0.0,0.0,0.05271946126081816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368809399606133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16729330298472295,0.06828836345000679,0.0,0.07240276657890321,0.0,0.0,0.05399251727627677,0.07394401270088652,0.13774920228697146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706293243742186,0.0,0.16533310432655424,0.058399418483603964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963036135941839,0.12631364287536873,0.0,0.042708954754928516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18087985970789616,0.0,0.04492550972188055,0.13326793733649225,0.0,0.1731145987368753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039937007310649836,0.0,0.0,0.07234271161912799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949759704019562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671967651192038,0.0,0.0,0.06524894405557881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12609523837344824,0.0,0.0,0.0767131618613455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11078652375482274,0.12434316045043407,0.0,0.1918228319397142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05667244160176953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215642672546416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28667039174095377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817682052877516,0.0,0.0,0.08404858876939575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775924520316982,0.13001553351069495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524241024977748,0.0,0.0818051196805344,0.0,0.06926319138919595,0.0,0.0808489669585119,0.09150804798069674,0.0,0.0,0.1305650559757683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13140881108091967,0.0,0.0752608108798441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031511212539147,0.0,0.04766679875307349,0.0,0.0,0.1562237721323879,0.1816458134974387,0.11100044967074296,0.0,0.23956213662721354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464787429052964,0.06488623622371413,0.0,0.0,0.07349954649925262,0.07577943851006494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34842043443419074,0.08937650974139025,0.0,0.05264179771131952 ptsd,ggaunted55,2019/01/31,"TW: Suicide. I feel like I have PTSD from an attempt and am struggling Hi, i’m a 21 year old guy and a uni student in my second year, in my first year of uni i attempted suicide due to how bad everhthing became, i lived in student accomodation and everything was so bad, i was accused of being violent due to being cornered and shaking because they twisted a tweet what I had posted, it was a stupid mistake and was meant in a light tone. I was labeled as violent as I was shaking so much in the corner of the kitchen and ran out, I didn’t hit or touch anyone. I felt so so unhappy and so low, I barely ate, slept or drank and I rarely left my room. I attempted suicide because of everything, being labeled as violent/aggressive and having no friends and for feeling so low. I can remember the blood so much and I used to have flashbacks frequently. I am currently in the uni toilets, crying, breaking down because of how they mentioned about PTSD and right now it feels like they don’t understand how it feels to be so weak, broken and to live with no support. One of the people who cornered me is still in my same class/course and it breaks me so much knowing nothing happened",4.630606223175967,5.611149214592283,5.586370708154508,80.9484831008584,69.72961373390558,8.40010729613734,33.87580472103004,8.660442795831766,2.8264165236051504,929,45,177,15,16,306,124,233,0.26899999999999996,0.684,0.047,-0.9954,1,0,0,0,0,3,22.0,0,0,3,4,15,16,3,3,11,0,20,6,2,4,0,33,37,31,3,1,2,0,6,2,1,0,1,0,2,1,6,16,3,0,9,0,0,3,4,12,0,3,14,7,25,4,27,18,4,34,0,2,0,0,8,17,0,2,13,128,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857195474254913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21153153140865474,0.23165408798893106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1391431607930105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276891154238567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256196523974997,0.1809888960665636,0.12162491214259245,0.0,0.0,0.1077470741029058,0.0,0.0,0.09786641449425404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542512039288528,0.11201556432189094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961557684066383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376294163937351,0.0,0.0,0.12377100753813412,0.0,0.22370725979596984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2793553182663549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154512773072387,0.0,0.13292087604620734,0.0,0.08583617420380214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08781836282993816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131668812956715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2961454016916932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434945970209677,0.10817713123228756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10116036237825683,0.0,0.0,0.13242499870633676,0.0,0.4156755765111232,0.1437457985703702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186994052618534,0.0,0.10940387166676888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2447176984494976 ptsd,0seagirl,2019/01/31,"I'm 31 and I haven't felt the same since a near-drowning incident when I was around 8. I haven't felt ""real"" since. Is this normal for PTSD? It's like I don't feel like a real human anymore. This is going to sound like some kind of stupid artsy shit, but seriously, it almost feels like I became a ghost or something, or like there's some kind of veil between myself and reality that I can't get rid of. It's like some kind of constant derealization or something, but is that normal? I feel so upset that it seems like I'll never experience what life felt like ever again now. I feel permanently changed. ",4.523109756097561,5.0771690650406525,5.755843495934958,81.18059451219513,69.73170731707317,8.101219512195122,25.944105691056908,8.07648339933343,1.4050495934959353,477,13,98,6,8,160,72,123,0.10400000000000001,0.7190000000000001,0.177,0.8387,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,7,15,2,1,4,0,8,2,1,0,2,27,19,9,1,2,5,0,7,8,0,0,1,1,0,1,10,3,0,0,8,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,4,8,9,11,8,15,4,8,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,8,14,57,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384758064529384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226572530863502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010135606002737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083696263570213,0.0,0.0,0.13365406221444973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11187557413347284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209827002231236,0.0,0.0,0.25014514758110856,0.176713928099707,0.3562563745058928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06461765678278993,0.0,0.07029015231233314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3863808325355023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08735878958449561,0.483390117344615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538958377597967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24236013604746806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14457521527275854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815496661863821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259355979596708,0.0,0.0,0.1269556670024378,0.20461862619077384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.190429699416152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sunshinegal91,2019/01/31,"First time on reddit, needing some support Hi, i stumbled across this when trying to google how I'm feeling. I got diagnosed with PTSD in 2018 after I was involved in a terror attack. The person is going to trial soon and I have to speak and so I have been feeling pretty emotional about it. I don't know about the rules on this forum regarding triggers, but i generally don't talk about the trauma because i don't want to upset anyone. The scene was incredibly graphic and I can't see any blood on movies anymore without feeling sick and remembering what happened. I have been feeling isolated and alone and like my friends arent supporting me. I have deopped hints about being scared about the court case but no one reached out to me. I decided to message a friend and try and talk about how I'm feeling. I said i feel alone and scared about the court date. He told me i need tougher skin and then mocked me and minimised the trial by saying it wasn't like i was snitching on a mobb boss. I immediately started crying and felt so hurt and bad. I am sick of the nightmares, sick of the triggers.. I'm sick of needing to wear my noise cancelling headphones and getting overwhelmed in crowds.. I'm sick of being afraid when I'm in the city and feeling like no one understands how i feel. When another attack happened in our city, my friend said dont worry, the likelihood of it happening and you being there is low. But here we are. And i have to see that monster in two weeks. It feels weird asking for words of support from strangers, especially when i don't talk about this with my closest friends. But i just really need to feel supported right now and for someone to tell me it is going to be ok.",4.593962075848303,5.8742374131736526,5.029116766467067,83.79341566866269,70.07784431137725,7.602594810379242,30.084331337325352,7.937092434478242,1.9783936127744512,1352,54,261,17,24,430,165,334,0.159,0.636,0.204,0.9102,1,2,0,0,0,0,28.0,2,1,0,1,22,26,3,6,14,1,27,9,3,6,0,57,68,32,0,5,6,0,12,3,4,0,6,4,0,1,10,22,0,0,15,0,0,2,11,14,0,4,11,18,34,12,45,53,1,30,0,3,2,0,24,15,0,1,16,174,44,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965280645059478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897955769860452,0.09094425023254707,0.0,0.0,0.0860131227079997,0.06064382135388445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108109471167049,0.19733640579623227,0.0,0.0,0.07241615271305267,0.05286996758259813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0952691290406006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08802939837860584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10164723049100456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975598801597807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4385343045828193,0.06196012220798795,0.0832746603097606,0.0,0.0,0.07377272334446296,0.0,0.0,0.2680303657917865,0.0,0.045312986408139536,0.0,0.09858162226653527,0.0,0.06936611986926727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23008587395423002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09284654781881564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047664688192150084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271160870009642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572375849593524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754135107996305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07572952640987694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08823586467131264,0.0,0.0,0.10138304436865878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05556163180893377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09824848883917447,0.07406717668245236,0.16500069557856922,0.06897139179152209,0.17366426094912846,0.0,0.1382255923468974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348627630932188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0613881314947985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3936819303225916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20913151719308995,0.07580607875972159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05057311789556945,0.0,0.0,0.08287448971630806,0.0,0.11776832039298102,0.0,0.0847228713758295,0.0902892697633512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051155760341935315,0.0,0.06956979109404905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08360488529022572,0.0,0.0,0.08807879915893073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HarpyDarp18,2019/01/31,"I have PTSD. Diagnosed correctly after being seen by 3 psychiatrists. It took years, and I was on a host of different meds to treat me for Bi-Polar II disorder. Being misdiagnosed for any ailment is tragic. My therapy is writing - check out my free download on Amazon until Sunday. The Bar Is Loaded by CL Harper Trigger warning - abusive mother, sexual abuse ",4.877552083333331,7.6090999843750025,6.823125000000001,65.14270833333336,72.59375,9.266666666666666,30.979166666666664,9.725611199111238,3.9690916666666674,285,13,39,8,6,99,56,64,0.21899999999999997,0.6779999999999999,0.102,-0.8689,1,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,1,1,5,9,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,5,3,11,4,0,8,0,1,1,0,2,3,0,0,4,27,6,0,0.0,0.6104198512545794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751745656352901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2614551927111696,0.0,0.2691336883760656,0.2952280953351706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28613182391689623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011167165887945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29458423631592945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2861993731386559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16588380668717162 ptsd,Bakedbrown1e,2019/01/31,"EMDR digital tools for eye tracking? x-post from /r/EMDR Hey, I'm doing EMDR over Skype whilst I'm travelling and my therapist and I are trying to find a good tool to use for eye tracking. I've found a couple of youtube videos and the easyemdr website but am finding the speeds and framerate uncomfortable. Are there any other good tools anyone would recommend? Thanks",2.7450724637681145,5.734124666666666,3.646376811594205,82.57507246376814,84.94202898550725,6.544927536231885,25.057971014492754,7.793537801064563,1.97556231884058,298,12,50,6,9,95,51,69,0.047,0.7709999999999999,0.182,0.8708,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,4,0,5,2,2,1,0,10,10,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,3,7,8,0,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,25,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946784562303006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845320038571103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29201138845840924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824179063465887,0.0,0.0,0.2893636863772951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4427103632991787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527528225715303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24297286483769945,0.0,0.30641984362818325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791775622629935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22793350024933595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1874740876267107,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,madanggirl,2019/01/31,"Bad day, big trigger, but I am ok. I was pulled over by police for failing to wear a seatbelt. $395 fine. 3 points off licence. But that was not the worst thing. I mentioned that I was the one robbed just up the street. Where it all began. He remembered the perp, the day. I explained to him that ptsd is an insiduous injury, esp common among police. As I drove home (seatbelt on), I felt horrible, awful, you know that feeling. It was the cops, the place, and took me back to the incident that happened earlier in 2018. im now in my safe place with my dogs, and my potted flowers. I am ok. The bad feeling has not lasted. I am trying to learn to sleep without medication or alcohol. Just not today. I wanted to touch base with you all and say hello. I hope you are ok as you can be. ",0.6713836477987414,2.9268690000000035,2.623553459119499,91.98614779874217,85.41509433962264,5.29433962264151,20.78301886792453,6.691623216298621,0.3712415094339625,597,19,128,7,18,199,102,159,0.133,0.72,0.146,-0.1677,1,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,0,4,0,1,5,10,0,0,11,4,12,4,2,1,2,27,23,8,0,2,9,0,4,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,8,5,1,1,7,0,0,3,4,4,0,1,8,5,20,6,20,14,3,24,0,1,0,0,10,13,0,2,8,89,28,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20065044469872892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14437017056409324,0.3135311798110239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2421698067429293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898667255194787,0.0,0.1802719525762339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16602901612427493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1883311798308776,0.18648070910483416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2028050411742179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318392626729356,0.15304343907338644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891410056028287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722603003611382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3923230401639541,0.0,0.1774869068387976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21947275796115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126871109989548,0.0,0.0,0.1493084141551374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878882062698621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473449376315528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779675243348275,0.0,0.2086000619994491,0.12747170021405535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074135599063677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18098681952131007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,galaxygazer28,2019/01/31,"Help...I’m stuck and feeling desperate Long story short, or as short as it can be, I was sexually abused from the age of 2 or 3 until I started my cycle around the age of 10. Sexually abused by a family member growing up, never got the help I needed or deserved as a kid or a teen because I was always “just being dramatic”. When I was 19, now I’m almost 30, I said enough is enough and sought out help. I’ve been on meds and going to therapy on and off ever since. I recently opened up for the first time about all of my trauma as a kid to my therapist. After 5 different therapists and never being able to talk about any of it, I told her almost everything. I don’t know why, but I felt like I finally found a therapist I could really open up to about my trauma. Things were going pretty well; all things considered. Then, a bomb landed on me; my mom told my fiancé and I that we had to pack up ourselves as well as our 3 large dogs and our toddler and move out of the house we were renting from her in a matter of a week. She had been planning to sell the house and finally found a buyer to flip the house, but said we had to be out in a week. We had nowhere to go but her house. So, since September of 2018 I’ve been stuck living with this bitter, self centered, hoarding, anxious, fucking mess of a person whom I have never gotten along with. When I was 13, my mom had a severe mental breakdown and never got help. She has gotten worse ever since. In 2014 her codependent died; my dad. So naturally, she still hasn’t gotten help and is now developing what I’m 99% certain is COPD, still won’t go to a Dr. Anyway, I live in a 13x10 room with my fiancé and our 2 large dogs sharing a hallway and bathroom with our toddler who has a room about 10x8 in size. We can’t get approved for a home loan, my only running vehicle is on it’s last leg, and I legitimately cannot get ahead to save my life because everything has to be put on hold now that we are in this situation. Did I mention that in the same week we got evicted my therapist also had to leave the practice and I could no longer see her due to insurance? Yah... awesome. I suffer from PTSD, anxiety, and severe clinical depression as well as CFS and Raynaud syndrome. Can’t have another child, get a house/better vehicle, continue with my plans for nursing that have been put on hold for 6 years now, or function like a normal human being because every single thing that I had to help me has been taken away. It’s easier to stay in my 200sqft of space every day than it is for me to go out into the rest of the 2,500sqft of house that this selfish asshole that I call my mom has because I’m sick and tired of being constantly nit picked and blamed for things I didn’t do and her making shitty comments to my toddler or under her breath. My child is coming to despise her own grandmother at only 3 years old because she sees what an absolute bitch the woman is. I can’t stand the level of toxicity I have right now. We need to get out of here but are stuck because of shitty credit scores. Every single day I’m backed into a corner and fighting my way out. I am a first responder so my career choice in helping the sick and wounded has not exactly helped my health. I am so lost right now and desperately searching for the light at the end of the tunnel but all I can see is darkness and a tiny speck of light. I’m not suicidal but I do feel stuck and hopeless at the moment with zero motivation. Can anyone be of assistance? ",5.995851742031134,5.190966684507043,6.98698295033358,78.24799110452187,66.66197183098592,9.896219421793923,31.078576723498895,9.206073818396263,2.4769295774647886,2726,88,554,43,38,920,309,710,0.177,0.743,0.08,-0.9974,3,0,0,0,4,1,68.0,12,0,0,8,29,22,5,0,41,1,64,11,2,3,11,99,109,54,2,5,15,4,3,2,0,1,8,2,4,8,23,52,0,2,7,0,4,11,15,13,3,3,39,11,76,9,106,59,10,106,0,4,3,1,56,47,2,8,47,392,99,3,0.0585256222903673,0.1386865844670128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117209913430357,0.0,0.0,0.046802919000881786,0.0486980061354359,0.0,0.0,0.039799430086553365,0.06136921791446245,0.04477194086045837,0.06611729453204092,0.0,0.040922475893922526,0.0,0.0,0.05210021199090376,0.0,0.0,0.05498674868747621,0.04500259097022436,0.0,0.21406005679812787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976120391531596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050414641390397696,0.0,0.06324540608765812,0.0,0.09345589425125933,0.0,0.0,0.07548836934671371,0.0,0.050408032720258934,0.0,0.06074035593328415,0.06114681874970543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05183633002424316,0.12094522542186552,0.0,0.0,0.10587955203349482,0.14793108290707774,0.0,0.1051981111213438,0.0,0.05517274804836147,0.0,0.059184626256402625,0.0,0.056193775441931035,0.12822391701856034,0.0,0.09956372884471686,0.0,0.12834064804846204,0.0,0.054105994738131095,0.12230888836294967,0.0,0.16630729935555344,0.0,0.140424859688853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220999971318032,0.0,0.0,0.31382792763249834,0.0,0.05870597104480179,0.0,0.0,0.33765355161310545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03216415143353521,0.047706193477401335,0.0,0.06197018357274928,0.0,0.0,0.04133837783196369,0.05718532561540736,0.0,0.10335839344300064,0.05179333403304567,0.0,0.0,0.06388763027382796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0390663073377252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06500877270749368,0.0,0.058980061895420134,0.0,0.0,0.20563350445040526,0.0,0.062203474382192675,0.0,0.08679201470568004,0.1805542716019979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057342683678360415,0.0,0.0,0.061412795524393264,0.0,0.0,0.08902274603473805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05110231594546201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05954159821031652,0.0,0.0,0.06841332054288772,0.11766883057432588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037493012273416886,0.0,0.05778699142805585,0.0,0.0,0.09996112331481267,0.11134253806157852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13991203088268325,0.0,0.061054988012796435,0.13223458906408184,0.0,0.14523899863705492,0.06578525158182194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041424736686846764,0.0623805262797025,0.09347727512343124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401753169278357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047040678285826636,0.0,0.0,0.06692914964759365,0.2718110333642416,0.15552729156634798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03412676100810027,0.06726659335593929,0.0,0.11184748031777897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04645491483060946,0.14083717197064907,0.0,0.15786468925115402,0.0,0.052810271038834115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05964260909767776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537716383419289 ptsd,themarketcrashof1929,2019/01/31,"(NSFW, TRIGGER WARNING) i am 14. recently (at the age of 13, so a few months ago) i was in a relationship with a 20 year old. i feel like i am traumatized, could that have something to do with age, or am i not actually traumatized and it is me overreacting to feeling bad about my ex? i feel the same way about him as i do my previous (and oh man do i not wanna use this term) ab*sers. (more ab*se entailed when i was a younger child, however it’s harder to talk about) he was manipulative and didn’t listen when i said no, he also forced me into uncomfortable situations (being with his friends, doing drugs, etc) and got angry when i expressed discomfort. he tried to get me to run away from my family and shut me off from my closest friends. he hit me and yelled at me, and r*ped me. although occasionally i gave consent i took it back quickly, and he didn’t stop, i still feel disgusted by those times. could it be that there was no consent because of our ages, or could it be i am just disgusted because it was an ex i dislike? i have breakdowns where i shake and cry and can’t stop thinking about it, to a point where i have to leave classrooms and disassociate. i am not sure whether or not this is trauma or me just being unhappy with an ex? i’m not asking for a diagnosis! i just can’t tell whether or not this was a truly traumatic event or if i am just exaggerating",3.0165990843688704,4.488837762589932,4.788541530412033,83.2378678875082,74.25179856115108,8.076128188358405,28.10398953564421,8.710501217029153,2.0355338129496396,1070,43,227,21,22,364,147,278,0.20199999999999999,0.743,0.055,-0.9902,1,0,2,0,1,0,38.0,1,0,0,0,19,10,2,2,11,0,32,1,0,3,1,51,47,27,0,5,19,3,4,1,2,0,1,3,0,2,13,16,0,2,5,0,0,3,12,6,0,0,12,7,37,4,29,27,5,34,0,0,0,0,23,11,0,7,20,170,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.14698163855132942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351394859608826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204493219980314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14080768722933062,0.0,0.14151075915068176,0.11581610049612776,0.12575990763113468,0.1836309163231807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36076913597221855,0.0,0.16544702278950338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466929660515798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16797910973781446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14198943649365425,0.0,0.3046283547039565,0.10760167384984387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23273449901349624,0.0,0.07869179418794713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046313564952618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948292873123066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735844456462502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022201212990273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15804846665178168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1423828853209207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487173040998627,0.1617075820292991,0.0,0.0,0.14327240165089342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693011700905041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595325070437708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12028389095377373,0.2518471227932984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195587321647532,0.0,0.0,0.1210612057283988,0.13164694761508314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651006236589424,0.0,0.0,0.08782668502657039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734236476711212,0.10225987255344507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13008576739059566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955371832081202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969931840981116 ptsd,nikkweedx12,2019/01/31,"My PTSD stops me from having a healthy relationship with my mom, and she wont try to understand.. I'm 23, I have delt with depression & anxiety as long as I can remember. I was diagnosed with PTSD at 18, due to constant yelling for about 8 years of my life, from my parents & sister. I was blocking out every bad memory I could and replaced it with my own happy lies in my head. I was scared to have friends over due to the constant arguments. My mother always made sure I was okay, and wished she could stop it all. My mother was my best friend, now we have no relationship. She doesn't understand how much the arguing affected me, how much it hurts when all those memories I blocked out comes rushing in my head. Basically anytime someone yells or shouts at me or someone I care about, I react with yelling. I start to shake, my thoughts are not clear, and I defend myself or whomever anyway I can by yelling. Its not like I react to simple loud noises, sirens, nothing like. When someone is talking down to me or someone I love, I become very sensitive to it. Yea so does everyone, which is why its hard for my mother to understand the way I react to yelling. I've asked my mom to come to therapy and let my therapist explain my triggers, but my mom sits there and just tells my therapist the ways I react a re wrong. My mom . will get into arguments t hat . a re preventable through understanding PTSD. These result in me being called crazy, unstable, and that just makes me worse. Mentally I can't process anything. Im trying to move out . because my mom no longer wants me home. I have no credit so I am being denied, the state housing sign-up is closed. Yet my mother picks at me daily, making me feel worthless. Which sets off my PTSD. I understand it takes 2 to fix something. I'm confused on w hat to do to fix our relationship. Sorry for my grammer, I have a crap keyboard &#x200B;",3.81924714192769,5.421696309973051,4.761574495770984,83.71037735849059,72.42318059299191,7.920475880658053,29.235151965796078,8.53829466247534,2.1965405892740963,1485,61,290,26,29,483,203,371,0.187,0.76,0.054000000000000006,-0.9917,1,0,1,0,4,0,56.0,2,0,0,1,14,21,2,3,9,2,28,6,3,13,4,65,51,20,0,4,9,11,2,2,2,2,2,7,1,0,12,20,0,5,9,0,1,5,8,10,0,0,7,9,60,11,47,37,6,38,0,3,0,1,28,15,1,5,15,191,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05942981716666231,0.2321609954111901,0.08678699568974653,0.0,0.0,0.05463854622987309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058775201197558136,0.0,0.06677104290684559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05963538180073375,0.0435389147925882,0.07888130390321138,0.0,0.0,0.0749542333288756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0729310644150269,0.0,0.07282070414196788,0.0,0.0,0.12304951098086113,0.0,0.15436619355492592,0.0,0.1140512137817848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151669043624808,0.0724930362263062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06250291645285347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06017711954491911,0.06824792053447759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03611371179872399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103627616170118,0.0,0.03731566982974767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07603131577542671,0.06398115090440806,0.0,0.14660160074753514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07164328486223581,0.0,0.0,0.08241277387099911,0.07646000402693508,0.0,0.07714930342065307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303505268044552,0.0504483126000579,0.06978752757326395,0.0,0.0,0.06320727718246283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446221914324664,0.06758235101766566,0.09535107026766834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07197777841611974,0.0,0.0,0.4182498950381388,0.0,0.07591154963067119,0.10500852805529902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853247882215352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930700212429112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339595563991307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23004533581583014,0.08090855318544457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07150707486409183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24206655452607165,0.05498506246580436,0.0,0.07995241571249974,0.05055370276617989,0.0,0.0,0.11942597292013543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731551300873577,0.0,0.05370135150450931,0.057407256103000515,0.06242701773409249,0.0,0.08167864441132253,0.1658556612337762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05670203623788054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09698331777574076,0.0,0.0,0.3717703076675857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05893161327324721,0.0421272490322214,0.11338481034306835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444832142883172,0.0,0.08213314572310994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07278633429384801,0.0,0.0780900480281615,0.08678699568974653,0.045994193815133866 ptsd,95girl,2019/06/07,"Help. Past flashback haunts me. I have many reasons for flashbacks, most of these being Nmom's and Nfamily's daily abuse. But this is different. I used to be afraid of doctors until I realised I wasn't: when I recalled a memory of my childhood, I got scared as fuck. Maybe it was her ways (tone of voice only?), maybe the place ... whenever my pediatrician comes to my mind I feel scared, wanna scream and whatnot. This happened back in my childhood (I was mainly just anxious over it) but now I start struggling to breathe despite I know that it is impossible for me to be sent back there... first off because I am in my 20s and second, because no one could force me anyway (Nmom enjoyed bringing me there for the silliest reasons and confirmed that me being scared was her greatest delight). It took me years to realise that I still fear those memories/ her / the place but not doctors. I lied to myself and avoided situations where I could meet the doctor for adults and heal easier BECAUSE OF THIS / BECAUSE OF HER. And I only realised it 3 years ago when neuralgia hit me painfully. So sad and annoying. Please help me...",3.3520000000000003,5.9358422,3.93095238095238,84.6907142857143,77.0,6.285714285714287,28.57142857142857,7.447530270364453,1.851142857142857,882,39,158,12,21,278,122,210,0.185,0.7020000000000001,0.113,-0.935,1,1,0,0,2,0,36.0,0,0,0,1,12,13,2,7,5,0,14,7,1,3,0,25,26,16,0,3,5,0,1,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,13,9,0,1,4,0,0,4,3,12,0,3,7,3,33,1,23,12,3,27,0,1,0,1,9,7,1,1,15,119,46,3,0.0,0.14192369271020158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618072000152548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532110013463056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18421201781172064,0.0,0.2920752942259469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318275700974766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1912745298133379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251481150507925,0.0,0.3678100292599951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13478958007551253,0.06056606514799361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10188766355407952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073778477572596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580169421551267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10592402833648157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605765205638474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06582980122959492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214415247838262,0.2406769671944263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209470456941968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116830374153512,0.18220128357775853,0.12745793880539108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434676946376846,0.0,0.0,0.25029623010158497,0.13148615737242494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463144848692741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3597721147218713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464151368703614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478327767230341,0.0,0.09565914483358233,0.0,0.0,0.12522357406619153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330837187018111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345436254957034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507845452587653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427311125273308 ptsd,HeresyBaby,2019/06/07,"Phobias - Dolls, Mirrors, Roaches TW: child sexual abuse It’s only been a year and a half since I discovered I had repressed my father’s sexual abuse. I pretty much blanked on much of my early life before going to school; my elementary years were marked by extreme fear and neuroticism; from junior high on I was numb and depressed. Understanding my father now as a pedophile, narcissist, and abuser has been the missing key to explaining so much about my life. Now I’m trying to recondition my behavior to be adaptive instead of maladaptive, which means piecing together the origins of my fears and anxieties. As a child, I hated dolls and sought the comfort of stuffed animals instead. As an adult with overt PTSD, I notice I have a heavy preference for non-human animal company. I struggle with some misanthropy. Was my doll phobia related to the sexual abuse? Did I see myself as a doll in some way? I was super triggered by the movie The Exorcist, and as an adult, I see so many commonalities with child sexual abuse. I also had a phobia of mirrors. Whenever I would brush my teeth, I was terrified that when I looked down to spit and looked back up, my face would be different, or someone would be behind me. As an adult, I realize I never had a stable sense of self. My existence was always conditional (on appeasing my abuser). And I wasn’t allowed to have my own will, not when it conflicted with his. As I’ve become more comfortable with myself, mirrors scare me less. This one makes sense to me. The cockroach one can probably be explained by some traumatic instances with roaches. I remember being at Fuddruckers, there being a cockroach on the wall and me being concerned but my family ignoring me, and later the cockroach being in my burger. Things get foggy after that... I don’t remember if I took a bite of the burger. Another possibility is that my father abused me in a roach-infested place, like the office building he forced us to work in. I remember having to spend nights there and being terrified of the giant flying roaches. Has anyone been able to figure out their childhood phobias? I also had some OCD behavior in the bathroom, like counting down from flushing the toilet and washing my hands, or getting up from the bath to dry off and get dressed— I had to do it within the countdown otherwise “the monsters would get me.”",7.227154023805294,7.8023651431870675,7.692066974595843,69.57661174276072,63.849884526558895,10.910961094332919,35.36054361343045,10.727762888450028,4.0956431693018285,1869,81,304,46,26,616,223,433,0.152,0.81,0.038,-0.9919,2,0,0,0,7,0,55.0,1,0,1,2,14,16,1,6,31,0,39,8,4,4,1,52,57,31,0,6,5,3,1,2,0,5,4,0,1,7,9,21,0,3,10,1,1,2,4,11,0,3,17,6,53,5,61,26,11,39,0,2,4,0,16,21,0,7,17,240,62,3,0.08111521769436135,0.6727578823648421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297356205681196,0.06749435912631689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505637831865727,0.062052919514072186,0.0,0.0,0.05671764623464968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062372595463386735,0.0,0.0,0.08958538504442952,0.06902307583981912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06986441814086061,0.0,0.0,0.08474813799658418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646820817274053,0.18255434255809566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1695174133526285,0.0,0.046099647516630884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08008448413779277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0857026810285794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11458815423901585,0.07925759615511463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362327069473084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05414503768097427,0.0822380992052355,0.0,0.08835825181007066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788870547257731,0.0,0.06256105648044273,0.0,0.0,0.07612113691061556,0.0,0.0,0.09235021297307336,0.0,0.0,0.10993154157606656,0.061691778248260824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474813799658418,0.0,0.0,0.09144522016497586,0.0,0.08252333784232044,0.0874559240462784,0.0,0.0948193487204292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275663187543126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.081210483576194,0.08209293084148643,0.1292766529595361,0.0,0.08462086262685893,0.0,0.0,0.0670993462983067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06872866072360168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479923753609804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0538893463200951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09012199147435944,0.05507190827174125,0.0,0.0,0.084443802301627,0.09757161943298663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438548420318306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05905284455907516,0.0,0.0,0.23048769336313216,0.0,0.0,0.10447108145658172 ptsd,Tahliea,2019/06/07,"Wanting to be wanted. My PTSD stems from 18 years of abuse (from birth to the time I could leave at 18). I'm not 22 and am always finding myself gravitating towards people who want things and I'm able to give it to them so it makes me feel happy. It takes me so long to realise that that is what's happening. But I don't know how to stop it. How do I create any relationships (friends, partner etc) that aren't like this anymore. It hits my trigger so much when I realise this is happening and it makes me feel worse. How do I know from the start and how do I easily break away from these relationships? Thank you!",2.24012987012987,4.0156118730158745,3.393145743145745,91.13720779220779,77.09523809523809,6.486580086580088,22.56565656565657,7.348242739294969,0.651787301587301,480,14,106,6,11,155,78,126,0.10099999999999999,0.807,0.092,-0.2737,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,1,1,0,8,4,0,0,2,0,10,0,0,7,0,23,28,13,0,4,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,15,4,0,1,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,14,4,14,25,2,11,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,8,71,29,0,0.16890400332941632,0.2001236245583429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054166138767218,0.0,0.0,0.11486051422907292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675073854431931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586908711077794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348561028147012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18837261146920087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17080587816162374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543751990890656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304948139878112,0.0,0.0,0.16202811069312256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987225046603314,0.1798014523013435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18565044601710584,0.0,0.0,0.17884495171303702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251796435600021,0.0,0.0,0.1494747278475151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254894675669317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416387679082733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11709676891125638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1974397412371335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626793780342537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11955112290069506,0.0,0.0,0.1412113098040145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12699479014114856,0.0,0.0,0.15550411329720626,0.0,0.0,0.11221231464317624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984892826313968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29887187194655385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212760926537454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087686404088688 ptsd,AvoidAwfulThings,2019/06/07,"PTSD RAPED AT 13 EFFECTS LATER IN LIFE HELP. SEX MAKES ME CRY AND SICK When I was 13 I got raped in a bush by the man I thought I loved at such a young age, I had put my all into him and well my innocence was surely enough shred. But since than I’ve been unable to enjoy sex, it scares me when women try to touch me and it consistently has me thinking that all men want me for is sex. It’s just how I think now because of the incident I think that every time a male wants to hang out with me it is purely to have sex. Than during sex I never really enjoy it and majority of the time bullshit how I feel because I know they’ll be upset and leave me. Than I also have this trouble.. when I was 13 I was so afraid I was going to get pregnant from him even though he probably had his dick inside me for like a total of 30 seconds, but since than every time I have sex weather it be protected or not I have this gross gut feeling I’m going to get prego which makes me hate sex even more and gives me these fake pains that my appendix hurts and make me feel so fucking ill every time. It gives me a really negative outlook on one of the fundamentals of a relationship and I honestly don’t think it’ll ever be fixed and that upsets me because I feel like I’ll never truely be happy with sex. Side note I also have tendency to cry either during or after sex because of the thought that they’re just using me as a sex doll and that they don’t love me. I’ve gotten to the point with this now that I’ll ransoms I have no connection to because I know for a fact they don’t love me.",4.643198500702795,4.009101818991102,5.9285553646728095,84.14901920974546,69.38575667655786,8.875152272372326,26.935655161642977,8.20500826718156,1.4668611275964394,1231,31,276,15,19,417,161,337,0.17600000000000002,0.711,0.113,-0.9775,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,3,1,19,24,4,4,14,0,26,23,3,7,9,53,58,25,0,2,8,0,5,2,0,2,4,0,0,4,20,15,0,1,13,0,0,4,8,13,1,2,12,5,46,11,36,40,7,29,0,1,0,17,18,9,2,2,18,186,66,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16637828577117947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170648510680393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22853422153852165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074861339178425,0.0,0.13741570369864428,0.0940970068833814,0.26293787344642017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21039364361788385,0.07431582737152798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09616988477048946,0.10869804498744368,0.19958144850841,0.11824016095017513,0.0,0.08319868337788068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073706328089987,0.0,0.10270363011613333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972608992832409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136143335198057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11433937226640475,0.0,0.0,0.1101479686722646,0.0,0.0,0.07347627655567661,0.10164319502143594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816611853033347,0.0,0.2083134573125121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16046173422024373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07049036093370188,0.0,0.110690450534328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833770746852523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121570672698496,0.0,0.12160022535801053,0.1045743446006372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328277901494492,0.0,0.0,0.1116844405926872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414765802088398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210191256020158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980427886563532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666213220589077,0.10220451098689028,0.16516923088839747,0.2426323877510065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062647600000417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08984461939117198,0.0,0.0,0.12271385268960637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353140410221028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,roseygirlnibbles,2019/06/07,"Unable to Trust Therapists The post is pretty self explanatory. I can't bring myself to trust therapists, psychologists or psychiatrists anymore. Throughout my abusive childhood, I was constantly trying to find ways to bring awareness to what was going on. I've had therapists side with my abusers, downplay me, manipulate me, break patient confidentiality, push me until I was psychologically hurt in therapy and the list goes on and on and on. This has crossed state lines, situations and beyond reason. The ONE psychologist I trusted and made progress with, the ONE person who I respected with my entire heart- turned out to be an abuser himself. He had his license revoked for actually abusing a patient of his. Logically, I can think, ""It's not all therapists! Maybe it's just me."" I don't know what to do about this. I've become absolutely cynical. Any session I have, I put up this mental barrier and detach myself from whoever is trying to ""help"" me.",6.501893491124259,8.67831303550296,7.354556213017751,65.48852071005919,66.57396449704143,10.170414201183434,35.485207100591715,10.389873798559362,4.336173964497041,769,38,118,21,13,256,111,169,0.124,0.772,0.10400000000000001,-0.5697,0,0,0,0,2,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,4,6,1,0,6,0,14,1,1,3,1,22,21,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,8,10,0,1,5,0,0,6,3,2,0,2,6,0,22,4,24,14,1,22,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,1,3,86,30,1,0.0,0.5642753017627542,0.11618719263944008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08096614214122935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11807736427551545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13149446128096315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286635644765977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882037570890607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766559425329609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14108886783926533,0.07980464965616786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745817502457368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06543328010366398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265920312464694,0.0,0.0,0.11961363329966525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11998634313450897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135878447317695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10396021670632424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11402834244697352,0.12112870695706845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11969004632923075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241541354370035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420747802479976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383051010496502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615760406553007,0.5529599472922873,0.0,0.07629002723244649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167036411833838,0.12950510546671354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09450575621696186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gammaxgoblin,2019/06/07,"support groups or forums for partners of people with ptsd? I have looked and cannot find anything other than articles for people who have partners with ptsd. I am looking for forums, support groups, reddits, etc...? Any ideas?",5.062692307692308,8.15161161538462,4.2483974358974415,81.96951923076925,73.87179487179488,4.925641025641027,30.262820512820515,5.985473137389443,1.7318666666666664,179,8,26,1,4,53,28,39,0.0,0.851,0.149,0.7131,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,8,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,7,8,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,18,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262173952005867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846887561216388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503014707302137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20512716299301514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533568805272577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376933410678876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3111863582252835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5246989700551822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5093664938154503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwawaynumber45679,2019/06/07,"I survived an explosion. NSFW graphic I survived an explosion that almost took my leg and life. In short, I was mishandling an explosive that detonated, horrifically injuring my leg. I will heal and I will walk again in a years time, I still have all my fingers, my eyes and hearing. I am extremely lucky. I keep reliving the blast. The oh shit moment half a second before it detonated, the blast and its heat and light and pressure. Laying in the dirt with nothing but fear, where are my hands? Is my leg still there? How many minutes before I die? The absolute isolating panic of what just happened. The moment when, after a seemingly eternity a coworker gets to me and calms me down. That is what happened and that is my dream. That short movie between the oh shit and the coworker pulling me close. Never mind the horrific pain or that I seriously touched death. I keep feeling that fear, over and over and over again. Its eating at me.",3.374596825396825,6.0529020057142855,4.3845238095238095,80.94408730158732,77.51428571428572,8.003174603174603,28.007936507936506,8.841846274778883,2.6272984126984134,741,32,133,18,18,240,101,175,0.172,0.703,0.126,-0.9049,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,2,9,10,2,4,16,0,9,13,8,1,2,26,18,15,2,0,3,0,4,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,12,13,1,2,2,1,0,3,1,8,0,2,2,7,22,2,13,14,1,27,0,0,1,0,1,12,2,4,12,98,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16846882240620664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863209965925837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1746073508141326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17215230250398952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3786352655077129,0.08506758513981816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789885509369225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975495032357954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1896195679308026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29908024174769265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883342679323315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17056972784700875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16987521117411405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975764859374464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16143155014191368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902003431425695,0.19739428657388167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15316007249004082,0.0,0.0,0.3453934522782773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2687145822548961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09810254220499498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869216787276293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834153576106356 ptsd,warrior-not-worrier,2019/06/07,"So I have PTSD So I’ve just finished my assessment with my psychiatrist, I have being diagnosed with PTSD, generalised anxiety and gynaecology issues due to a sexual assault and rape while I was blacked out 7 years ago at a party ( I only found out about the assault the next day by the guys friends messaging me having a laugh about the fact I was calling him by a different name) I was only 16 , I have issues with guilt and embarrassment that linger in my day to day life, I have flashbacks and nightmares to this day but am happy to have the support of my psychiatrist long term. I needed to vent this out as it’s eating me up day to day, I can’t have a drink without feeling his hands on me like it was yesterday, I feel ill and it’s hard to live my partner when I feel no trust or safety in the world, anybody else have triggers that include social media? Like the sound of messages, I now don’t answer unknown numbers and have emotional flashbacks when I get texts from unknown or unsaved numbers, I’m constantly worried somebody knows something about me that I have no recollection of.",15.609874213836484,7.5468676603773615,14.053207547169812,57.240534591195,56.35849056603773,16.96352201257862,53.729559748427675,12.161744961471696,6.319903144654088,872,39,160,15,6,285,121,212,0.125,0.7340000000000001,0.141,0.8222,1,0,2,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,9,12,3,2,12,0,18,7,1,1,1,28,27,15,0,1,5,0,5,2,2,0,3,1,0,2,8,12,2,0,7,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,5,7,26,7,29,21,1,28,0,0,1,1,10,9,0,2,21,111,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12022190175044625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375147860494167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13848658669388728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656064201049096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5247949800707381,0.0,0.0,0.13765482824886538,0.0,0.14169751713563214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285923409689807,0.0,0.13877652816463473,0.1132958919999576,0.152557995337139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20572569672333926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14870398450722913,0.10478225072567303,0.0,0.07085759389867144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342884224401278,0.0,0.14437355999173462,0.12149186732111295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28311104741876275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453503701577899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095794771027759,0.13251741990804594,0.0,0.11975788786290335,0.12002238197705688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056298301743936,0.0,0.0,0.14423695336616998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2062953124896476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31707283741488285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825090864748354,0.0,0.10440946777777277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539037511938986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13073605337951624,0.0,0.0,0.13773207807740254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733697993145682 ptsd,sargentodiaz,2019/02/10,"Zap the Brain to Cure PTSD **MeRT or magnetic e-resonance therapy, is being studied on Navy SEALS to see if it will cure their PTSD.** **This indicates the FDA has yet to approve it. But, a search of the internet shows a number of companies claiming to use it to cure PTSD.** [https://americanmilitarynews.com/2019/02/zap-how-electric-therapy-is-curing-navy-seals-of-ptsd-and-could-remake-brain-science/](https://americanmilitarynews.com/2019/02/zap-how-electric-therapy-is-curing-navy-seals-of-ptsd-and-could-remake-brain-science/)",21.118034188034194,27.59949644444444,9.84851851851852,31.852179487179512,75.2962962962963,6.846723646723647,22.672364672364672,7.321109707123232,2.1863749287749297,464,10,42,7,13,109,40,54,0.0,0.975,0.025,0.0772,2,0,0,0,0,0,62.0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,5,0,4,1,1,1,0,4,6,3,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,8,4,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,26,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4707315965125363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2244501379095772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.82153080625497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200746932878844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074167380160398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139800298690505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Tie_Guy_,2019/02/10,"I never really talked to anyone about this (TW- Victim blaming(?)) I was diagnosed with PTSD about a year ago, from my bullying as well as PTSD from being groomed and tricked by a pedophile online and doing other things I'm not comfortable discussing right now. Either way, for the second PTSD thing I used to talk about it a lot. I'm not sure why, I think it may have been my form of accepting what happened. And it got to the point where my family started to blame me for what happened. I was standing in the kitchen with my brother talking to him about it and out of no where he gets irritated with me and tells me it was my fault I didn't see what he was doing and got in the car with him in the first place. And deep down I guess I agree. I was 14 or 15 at the time and I should've known better. Was it really my fault? I'm still not sure. I'm at that point where I don't trust people like I used to. I don't really know I guess.",2.4399999999999977,3.5171890606060607,3.7418383838383846,91.74609090909092,75.06060606060606,7.098181818181819,21.785858585858588,7.554174236665415,0.5506258585858586,726,17,168,9,15,238,106,198,0.163,0.7859999999999999,0.051,-0.9601,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,2,10,12,2,0,9,0,15,2,0,2,3,31,32,11,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,14,13,1,0,4,0,0,1,8,4,1,2,10,1,25,8,30,20,3,26,0,0,1,0,10,15,0,5,9,118,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11510133611903185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079188778661257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11483892517841905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179174862471718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12240798828180904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044760488488356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678395834133989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20770066367065526,0.0,0.2860817348371434,0.0,0.2296461577669479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136039459769912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343657797946232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039108914027146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1001458416713045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001940813923942,0.0,0.13566224880484504,0.0,0.2454943549081885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4553518123835133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495495168914521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088844079898473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347107248044243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0919062193258136,0.0,0.10369580637794812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.244758107283465,0.0,0.0,0.3130977701889633,0.1134918091017512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17252886213740454,0.08320057375316799,0.0,0.0,0.07571470172038489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22429185555771708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306633023305713,0.0,0.0,0.11674784934903246,0.0,0.1171665227335499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361706923900361 ptsd,especiallygirlgiants,2019/02/10,"(tw - sexual abuse) Nightmares I was sexually abused over the course of a few years when I was younger. I keep having nightmares about sexual abuse, but it’s not congruent with my actual experience, it’s sometimes more horrific and violent and it’s me now not my younger self. I’m afraid to go to sleep and have found myself forcing myself to stay awake later and later. I wake up from these nightmares into a panic attack. It’s been exhausting. And I’ve found that I’m more fearful when I’m awake. Fearful that these nightmares will come true. I guess I’m just asking if anyone knows any ways to stop the nightmares, and has any advice on ways to cope with being fearful to fall asleep and being fearful when I’m awake. I’m so tired and I feel like such a baby. ",3.3112684666327037,5.288168960264905,4.25655629139073,85.23346408558332,74.62913907284769,7.030259806418747,24.198166072338253,7.882392219407189,1.3186817116658172,607,19,117,9,13,196,86,151,0.31,0.6509999999999999,0.039,-0.9947,0,0,0,0,3,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,8,11,2,6,5,0,9,5,3,0,1,25,24,14,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,8,12,0,2,4,0,0,3,2,9,0,0,5,1,11,2,15,16,3,18,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,2,9,70,19,0,0.0,0.4589421621969154,0.12599807515458367,0.0,0.0,0.12617014452488934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17560589649748307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028053982959977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12070553664203824,0.14688748866396806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122154612147343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12629970654502892,0.0,0.5811632071682833,0.06528466192871124,0.09224011871222268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831369005612044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07337929797963187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14223524857853026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476376365899672,0.0,0.0,0.07095848653213581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06307929755121612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148918644456724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346955959207643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292087172532135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276985028901864,0.0,0.0,0.13761991336947574,0.0,0.10794631566885828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839924095536608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20497170305711432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08314613049580606 ptsd,Away_Tomatillo,2019/04/26,"flashbacks during sex (cw sexual assault) hi everyone, I'm 25. I was raped by two strangers about two and a half years ago. I'm in therapy, did EMDR, and haven't had any dreams or flashbacks for over a year. Everything was going really well, until last night, when I had a pretty intense flashback to the rape during sex with my partner. I've been with my partner for about six months, and everything about him is wonderful. We have great sexual chemistry, and I feel so loved, respected, and safe in that aspect and in other aspects of my life. I really don't know what it was that set me off last night, because we've had sex many times before and I've never had flashbacks or dissociation. He handled it really well- he has some experience with PTSD-but I feel so worried that I've put him off, and I'm worried that the flashbacks are going to start happening all the time again. Does anyone have any experience with / advice for this situation?",4.5310989010989005,6.218020351648357,5.4942857142857155,78.82571428571431,70.75824175824175,8.716483516483517,27.83516483516484,9.23628265651192,2.444369230769231,752,27,138,16,14,247,107,182,0.08800000000000001,0.767,0.145,0.8769,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,0,0,0,9,9,3,0,6,0,16,7,0,0,2,23,28,14,0,0,2,0,2,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,9,13,0,1,4,1,0,3,3,3,2,4,9,2,12,6,21,19,2,25,0,0,0,6,9,6,0,4,15,87,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13318969821672644,0.12082074251874338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537583869505345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530335326179727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08308653849600088,0.0,0.1159803168270306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927607747486592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13023943072015173,0.244993308143415,0.2666529369992931,0.0,0.0,0.13783362860063564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15492360082593773,0.0,0.0,0.1502700078229583,0.0,0.0,0.12052865863036392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07490630562974783,0.2222035744629834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962719371135209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301507003327446,0.0,0.0,0.13818568189007815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879247393524988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512210682227566,0.0,0.0,0.2558145509659773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13866497185358534,0.0,0.0,0.15932610901677388,0.13701803083953915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26194967793283114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15320566348845202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647305613856573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15586965971732922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1589539581361903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26628842179871304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450981425833189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14781033249733774,0.0,0.2768362785759967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554403334206178 ptsd,Remy24601,2019/04/26,Did I have a flashback? (tw: sexual abuse) For years I've been thinking about sexual abuse done to me when I was about 8 or 9. One of my major triggers is when people or myself touch my thighs. Just thinking about it now makes me want to die. Last night I just wanted to test myself and see how long I could keep my hands on my thighs. I can't tell if it was a dream or a flashback but in it I just looked down to see my abuser's hand on my thigh and I jolted back into reality and immediately took my hand off my thigh. I felt like crying but I couldn't.,0.9020454545454548,2.5564947500000024,2.922878787878787,93.53727272727276,80.66666666666666,5.696969696969697,16.742424242424242,6.574015621080383,-0.4289166666666673,430,7,102,4,11,145,73,120,0.078,0.8,0.122,0.6486,0,0,0,0,3,1,10.0,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,3,0,10,7,7,3,0,24,21,12,1,5,9,0,5,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,7,8,21,1,15,12,1,15,0,0,3,0,1,6,0,4,9,70,24,1,0.0,0.6328136230453224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13689501282208527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14214343625559706,0.0,0.1955589266874181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184768290559238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1821877409991925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17093788254845846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15824232127142518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511919929460845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697705748248925,0.0,0.0,0.15755202031019822,0.1495013797789338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188372164493344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1670702323030218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206385567395634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234244261851757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837356523808674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556071263369616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281504241369457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779922715700315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21001484294213066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146462635495986 ptsd,askingtoday,2019/04/26,"How to overcome PTSD when people resemble my attackers? I was robbed outside my parents house at gunpoint ~4 years ago. Anytime I see someone that dresses/acts like my attackers (baggy clothes, gang related tattoos, hoodies or clothes that help them easily cover their face, doesn’t appear to have somewhere to be, etc), I get extreme anxiety (sweaty palms, heart thumping, etc) When it first happened I was traumatized & my mom & sis would just tell me to “get over it” so I tried and now 4 years later I’m still learning to acknowledge my own feelings so I can move on finally. I live in areas where people sometimes look like my attackers. My brain subconsciously stereotypes & I get super stressed even if I know I’m safe. How do I overcome this?",6.690927258193443,7.7487268057554015,6.393045563549162,76.73586730615509,65.11510791366906,9.343245403677058,37.74660271782575,9.444778638647367,3.7316276578737013,602,31,102,11,9,188,99,139,0.124,0.7609999999999999,0.115,-0.3313,1,0,0,1,0,0,25.0,0,0,2,2,11,8,3,1,0,0,8,4,4,2,0,13,19,9,0,2,3,3,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,2,3,20,4,9,15,3,18,0,0,2,0,7,6,0,3,12,60,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11816097982317793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4332862490808016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197290336923062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4549384860494317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880508747900248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29732588100576657,0.08804232931826513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06739967106851917,0.0,0.0,0.1460218704892665,0.0,0.11338354229723972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20892872100025925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11787532590546487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15795923375994875,0.08934710089622812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15380844488396936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325730899867912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13024572022223976,0.0,0.1177049203630852,0.0,0.1119370754031661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15611746312385014,0.0,0.14167509293767988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480120871097066,0.0,0.0,0.1848246393566636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558186844441541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10622155849694387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294329313667682,0.0,0.13183551597677415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645226630993826,0.0,0.15269285518653644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165086680792284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050085676113688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469135162039184,0.0,0.0,0.1716795853873583 ptsd,emptyshell9,2019/04/26,"I want to inflict self-harm to ease mental pain and tension Hey guys! I'm diagnosed with BPD-ADHD-PTSD (I'm only humaaaan after aaaall). Today I am having horrific menstrual cramps, and what I've discovered is that - menstrual fatigue and stomach cramps relax my mental tension, just by changing my focus on physical pain. There's a House MD scene where he needs to relieve his leg pain immediately and takes a knife/nail or something and sticks it into his arm. For a few times me and my ex bf have willingly tried whips and it literally made me the calmest, happiest, person. So I'm thinking doing something similar to ease my tension and get those happy hormones flowing. But I don't want to aesthetically ruin my skin, I wanna work in public service, so I need a less 'dirty' method. Less blood, just some regular type of pain a gurl can inflict on herself without looking ugly in public. Any suggestions? Any methods? I've also read this: http://www.selfinjury.bctr.cornell.edu/perch/resources/how-does-self-injury-change-feelings.pdf",6.071693693693696,8.434363232432435,6.314054054054058,71.76099099099098,68.02702702702703,8.176576576576577,32.873873873873876,8.841846274778883,3.1576738738738745,838,38,128,15,15,268,131,185,0.16,0.7040000000000001,0.136,-0.775,0,0,4,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,1,7,12,0,3,6,0,8,13,5,1,0,23,20,13,0,5,5,1,1,0,1,1,8,0,0,2,6,10,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,9,0,0,1,2,15,3,17,18,4,10,0,2,1,0,12,6,0,2,3,73,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457993861634135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951397607427757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1862530768299545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247603033756442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14486847316631662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13899516153791944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154752823001914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559597732375056,0.0,0.14577931299711647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801485788549127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499837395334273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957961599908907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2760144548741824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030843123638744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415199615146983,0.5828717994192599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957411899215215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008007425679008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369809448560268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2857246786818027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.210852187670785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10296475931663696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774811253016701,0.0,0.0,0.0798530811393039,0.0,0.1298067914007773,0.0,0.0,0.09297590929037937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1615461039899703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13200901914942964,0.0,0.0996967799258329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Turing45,2019/04/26,"Intentional Spoilering Does anyone else here deliberately seek out spoilers for movies or do you have a friend fill you in beforehand so you dont bug completely out during the high stress scenes? Im a huge Avengers fan, but I always have to be filled in before I go so I am not pacing and anxious the whole time.",5.575491803278692,6.4531874918032806,6.026352459016392,79.01854508196723,67.52459016393442,9.378688524590164,28.364754098360656,9.516144504307137,2.33512786885246,251,8,49,5,4,81,49,61,0.033,0.8390000000000001,0.129,0.5588,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,7,7,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,1,6,6,1,10,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,1,1,30,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22027174971534985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2990630070667354,0.0,0.1851013230966618,0.2712412372740085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22526080524030176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775582980762723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316619405167115,0.0,0.3102548030936563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114310916884986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20452526832300305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1504488693750678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796956627165156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28594757419715755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032406886698188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1543628159737291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2955551271297097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,accroducafe,2019/04/26,"EMDR Vivid Dreams I had my very first EMDR session yesterday. I spent about 40 minutes building a safe/calm space with my therapist. Last night, though, I had crazily vivid, traumatic dreams, to the point where I’m scared to go to sleep tonight. I’ve been on the medication prazosin for years because of nightmares related to my PTSD, but it didn’t help a bit last night. How long do these vivid dreams last after a session?? Does it get any better??",4.368016806722686,6.388795952941178,4.138655462184875,87.01823529411767,71.82352941176471,7.210084033613445,28.61344537815126,7.957251820313856,1.8137563025210084,356,14,68,5,7,108,62,85,0.068,0.7559999999999999,0.17600000000000002,0.89,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,1,5,0,5,2,1,1,0,3,9,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,5,3,6,1,10,4,1,16,0,0,3,0,1,4,0,0,11,34,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13790629376537392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362081991306767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17935405836272866,0.22139759312924176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17746564919378868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17249574690611627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595104912316322,0.0,0.11525201858607365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13592797147391822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.495910442773781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17946555321812366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20429276028444016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38061526101041615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19170507208037688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370543361986419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20303131730304336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20293960139116615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354584734899473,0.0,0.0,0.19924323690332732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16732558416634738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059213757976618 ptsd,ContinuousGas,2019/03/05,"Do I have ptsd?sorry of this os offensive for some people I just moved countries last year due to my dad having something like cancer and needing better medication,so I was under alot of emotional stress and I was at a point in my life where I was kind of suicidal. I changed schools and was introduced to a subject that I never took in my country(ICT)back home all we used to do was play online games,I was basically computer illeterate.Im usually a straight A student but My first term there I got an F.I was very upset and frustrated though I gave myself a pass since the shit was extremely card to me(making excel spreadsheets with codes and other complicated stuff)well the next term,which was the last term.I studied extremely hard and was at the ICT teacher's desk every single day. Exam day comes and Im feeling extremely anxious,my stomach was in knots,though i kept trying to calm myself.I do the paper and the question before the last confused me and my asshole of a teacher was no help and didnt want to answer anything I ask.I start shaking and feel dizzy and almost about to cry,begging help from the students sitting next to me,and they obviously dont partialy due to them not wanting to risk failing heloing a kid they dont know. Ever since that day everytime i sit an ICT exam i get a panic attack and my hand keeps shaking and get uncontrollable diarrhoea,funnily enough this only happens in ICT. During ICT tests i score full marks but i fuck up in exams due to this,I honestly feel like next time I'll take an ICT exam I will fall unconscious.The feeling is too overwhelming and it just happened to me today.Sorry if this isnt the right sub or if it its offensive because of how stupid it is,but words seriously cant describe the anxiety,panic and freaking out I go through.Its so stupid yet affects me greatly.Even thinking about it makes my stomach turn into knots.I apologize for my bad english its my second language. And yes I have tried taking private lessons though only i groups because one on one turoring is too expensive and it isnt helping because everytime he tries to test me I panic again.",6.466569343065692,6.963240201946473,6.870748418491488,75.08416642335769,65.4720194647202,9.690355231143554,35.66141119221412,9.592334608150935,3.4705806520681275,1717,79,302,32,25,559,229,411,0.19,0.6970000000000001,0.113,-0.9894,0,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,3,5,15,30,8,10,22,1,27,7,4,4,4,58,54,27,1,5,8,1,6,2,0,1,2,0,1,1,13,23,0,2,9,1,1,8,9,22,0,4,17,6,38,8,36,36,7,49,0,2,0,1,14,17,2,8,24,184,51,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000366145940776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154087516171696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07396508118419916,0.0,0.08402737053605634,0.10225354843233812,0.0,0.06911357314305865,0.0750475671110972,0.16437337354990672,0.0,0.07648281052236329,0.0,0.0,0.07949316750387769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508304990767208,0.07742523108328825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738990186058274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21068165225949234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10110495213206834,0.0,0.09287194918430876,0.0,0.0593660958202351,0.08130325394667763,0.0757293117144807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18178779965904168,0.06421159168785316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07645343198637046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309429622143212,0.0939190846535027,0.0,0.05108191084304268,0.0,0.0718867040168917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15896439693795145,0.0,0.0805164580380824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18073767223575585,0.0,0.09015879611073342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19417558339383767,0.0,0.0,0.0798910933280954,0.0,0.09359808635941763,0.0493966988291156,0.2197970442052203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06348618909064943,0.0878234363715876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059996814214575374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09553015245967768,0.0,0.06664623221986604,0.0693224022640876,0.0,0.2867710125621688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181249766825275,0.1367183519175302,0.0,0.2109139042947621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062312738287080886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496737428382159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506704017172756,0.0,0.10068821120528096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675858499182506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09096520255553037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226239877843682,0.14870234415566946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919541790306022,0.0,0.20123068227943636,0.06361881632176733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029593235692441,0.0,0.10289318229961852,0.09831612499855166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515988861973535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575926423510468,0.2649253016590066,0.0,0.05241081329360758,0.0,0.08519745777223132,0.0,0.0998620115659212,0.18307157168252305,0.09776561226087596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07762903569457894,0.098992128666384,0.0741619164419407,0.1060292548982269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057880946559473526 ptsd,honestduane,2019/03/05,"Job Interviews, Reasonable accommodation, Employment Law, and PTSD? Given that a company will just lie and say some other random reason why you didn't get the job, is there any point on being honest about anxiety/ptsd in a job interview or asking in advance for some form of reasonable accommodation?",13.670769230769231,10.651293769230774,13.157692307692304,47.037307692307714,53.61538461538462,17.323076923076922,45.23076923076921,15.247664890283005,7.1145076923076935,244,10,35,9,2,82,43,52,0.0,0.9279999999999999,0.07200000000000001,0.5661,4,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,3,0,11,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,6,3,3,5,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,4,0,24,3,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289937615438516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17733187234802092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910370290399173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5647056591512551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1793156619577867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4434682374767936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5850899244922936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084682919406955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711631421514025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Gayestbassist,2019/03/05,"Scared of having exposed skin. Every since I was sexually assaulted, I'm scared of wearing shorts or tank tops and even when I'm wearing a sweater lifting up my arms and exposing my sides gives me anxiety. I'm very concerned because of living in a very hot state, I'm a generally self conscious person so I had a hard time last year with not wanting to take my shirt off at the pool, not wanting to wear tank tops but now even wearing t shirts or shorts gives me anxiety. Does anyone else experience this or am I alone? I don't know what to do. I'm male btw.",3.1649122807017567,4.660675140350879,4.462280701754388,85.63096491228073,73.91228070175438,7.522807017543862,28.456140350877188,8.167268648758528,1.8399719298245616,442,18,92,7,9,146,76,114,0.14800000000000002,0.812,0.04,-0.7743,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,1,2,5,0,6,8,8,0,0,14,17,8,0,2,6,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,3,9,0,11,15,0,15,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,3,5,46,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19431762424924687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2870574067028357,0.0,0.0,0.1311881904179801,0.1922387505902862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11437134434758126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16418743127640678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15673234437182929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478423375145773,0.0,0.1580778504495281,0.0,0.0,0.18352825518364774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35996419180261124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680705703553346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311098560686106,0.15293525275091646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16567180142576132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16382245229811904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37568048361010375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19572846506532526,0.0,0.0,0.15520111294263442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410668087183995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10940266745063802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096121190315216,0.221326145974622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082105867543505 ptsd,muckducktothemind,2019/03/05,"TW: violence/sexual abuse. Is it possible that my anxiety is ptsd related? I (24/f) grew up in a favela and had some life events happen to me Why I want insight: from the age 15-18 I tried to self-diagnose a bunch but then by 18 I felt like it was just a regular “growing up and figuring it out” phase. The one label I have identified with since then is the good ol’ “anxiety”. Everyone has it. So in a sense I have felt “normal”. I have worked through a bunch of things that I attributed to how my parents raised me and I would honestly say that I am a generally happy, positive person. Now, here is what got me started on thinking about this: A few days ago I did coke for the first time ever (I’m not a druggie. All I have done is the somewhat regular weed and occasional alcohol). No big deal. I didn’t trip out or enjoy it. I simply felt nothing from it. I snorted my last dose of it close to 10PM. At around 3AM I tried to sleep. I was at a cheap motel and in the room next us there were some people having a party and talking a little too loud, walking in and out of the room. Sometimes it sounded like they would be walking into my room — a thought which I could easily dismiss but a feeling that I couldn’t shake. I was on full-on alert. I felt as if I was going to be “disturbed”, that something or someone would be making me get up and I was scared. The more I thought of it, the less what I felt seemed cocaine-related, and the more I could think about other times I felt the same way. So, here is my background: I am from a neigbourhood called Piedade, in Rio de Janeiro. Born and raised there until I was 8/9 years old. I moved with my family around Brazil until I was 15, at which point we moved to Canada. Rio is a dangerous (!!!), violent place. My neighbourhood was a favela. Not the worst one but a favela nevertheless. I can recall most nights falling asleep to the sounds of gunshots. I can’t really recall the sound of gunshots nowadays until I hear one. I have been caught up in the line of fire quite a few times. Most of them were on the streets and we would just stay put in corners of the house. Some of them were while I was out on the streets and had to just scoot down in the car or run and hide inside nearby stores. One of my earliest memories is of me being woken up in a hurry by my parents. They just grabbed me and my brother and took us to the bathroom. Our doors and windows were gridded and someone — or in my memory as a child, something scary — was banging on them. I honestly don’t remember much of that anymore. Just the paralyzing fear, attentiveness, confusion. What happened was that someone was getting followed by a gang to be killed. We had a big yard and this guy jumped into our property. My parents, who were outside, heard neighbours yelling to warn them and they ran inside to get us. The gang arrived, our neighbor was an ex cop, and a shootout happened all around us. But like I said, it’s mostly a feeling to me. We left Rio when I was 8/9 and I witnessed a lot less of that type of violence. I continued to witness robberies and assaults. A lot of noisy situations. Looking back at it, robbers tend to make their presences known when they are trying to intimidate people with noise. Anyway, that was until I was 15 and we left to come to Canada. 15 was also just about the age when my dad stopped hitting me. He had some anger bursts for no good reason. In a few instances in Brazil, and once in Canada, I was groped very indiscreetly. Then in Canada, once I was 18/19 I was living alone in a basement. I got out of my shower, heard some loud bangs on my door. I froze. Some people burst through, looked at me, ran away. I was shocked but still managed to call the cops right away. I just couldn’t think properly enough to explain it to them in as much detail as they wanted. So here I am today. I have recurring nightmares quite often. I would say I could go a week having nightmares only. Someone usually dies in my dreams. Most times I am killed in it, other times I am the one killing. Occasionally, in these dreams, someone else will die in front of me. In real life when I hear loud noises my mind freezes. If someone is talking to me after a noisy disturbance I can “go with it” but about 30 seconds to a few minutes later I have to ask them to rewind because I wasn’t “there” anymore. I have really, really, really light sleep. I feel tired all the time. I don’t like spending nights alone at home. Sometimes not even days. If I do, I keep checking on doors, windows and peep behind curtains. If I’m alone I barely sleep or sleep super late until it’s light out. I don’t feel comfortable in loud places (unless there’s rythm/music). Anyway, like I said in the beginning, I am still a generally happy person. My anxiety, other than what I just described above, is not a big part of my life anymore. But also, what I call anxiety I have usually attributed to that “worrying” feeling that I will fail or something will go wrong because of me and my decisions (money, school). So, I guess I am wondering if what I described is something like ptsd or if I am just being dramatic and trying to label myself again. But also, part of me feels as if I have made huge progress with my anxiety and that it shed a light into something hidden deeper — I have made peace with the things I used to blame for my anxiety, yet some feelings of uneasiness linger on. I was wondering if I could have ptsd to any extent (none or mild to moderate maybe?). Please tell me what you think. Personal experiences relating to it and even not relating to it would be appreciated. I’m obviously not going to use your opinions as diagnosis but it would help to have a frame of reference. Thanks for reading this long ass post.",3.3698216220399284,4.996529271126762,4.433677062374247,85.5098293607801,73.63028169014085,7.563829128617861,27.008164370840426,8.245749519724045,1.7431066321002944,4476,165,902,73,91,1459,445,1136,0.125,0.775,0.10099999999999999,-0.9753,5,3,9,3,2,1,151.0,12,2,12,7,48,33,7,6,64,0,102,13,6,10,5,181,172,82,5,24,41,6,17,6,2,10,6,16,13,5,50,54,2,2,31,5,5,25,17,17,0,7,57,39,144,16,152,91,36,156,0,1,2,1,59,75,1,37,59,661,194,6,0.0,0.0523923634953844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03919753476173241,0.04725673461587671,0.0,0.13739285253910916,0.0,0.10608591541984996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03007048181361497,0.0,0.20296479077365334,0.0,0.13156029697647262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809303352466402,0.041338858395897536,0.0,0.08309053786954672,0.03400173294925884,0.0,0.053911065484865316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.135457833812228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0380908106918362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122130705620795,0.0,0.0,0.0570352799686631,0.0455879162987506,0.0,0.04488142207736436,0.09178482025859057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04525145794853885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03693935631003556,0.0,0.0,0.045690116586877036,0.0,0.05841255326624584,0.03999867758071995,0.0,0.04225321336863511,0.0,0.04325473238060243,0.04168580085662955,0.04975874387038731,0.1565094219355459,0.0,0.2547434320727911,0.0,0.0,0.037612715697306925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930791210759359,0.0,0.12565357367848864,0.0741777106760929,0.07073205454232119,0.0,0.04871228746805778,0.04378382832124497,0.11730832441413988,0.09414403788417984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09967620423132632,0.0,0.029639108430556036,0.0,0.04435532948120655,0.0,0.0,0.051022866211920065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039303938384772065,0.1467655377028637,0.0,0.0,0.036044441345999836,0.04988103348563285,0.0,0.09608829109289428,0.0,0.09369970394780026,0.12961921491218073,0.044319121777679,0.03904624618434289,0.03913248269435359,0.07426575864228915,0.0,0.0,0.07518693874216148,0.0,0.08368230050499016,0.059033141015808525,0.0,0.044423996125738836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0446486521080193,0.0,0.0,0.0939957401945488,0.06501220413309723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04702747927938048,0.0829931975669682,0.04332529694380202,0.04242938726449632,0.0,0.04640047224101967,0.09418372614219683,0.14981992057569252,0.033630592948366005,0.0,0.0,0.1473001223835803,0.09576988062503912,0.0,0.09196779982083048,0.11583115076746794,0.09239902667825667,0.048539256695737235,0.04180131106545722,0.049850353868324634,0.04234964279028343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506916858256492,0.044452375600851586,0.0,0.09406484131506762,0.04423103318572924,0.05033097889317998,0.11331146614447025,0.04546456542601556,0.0,0.0,0.05009158278112098,0.03776284150513709,0.08412491733125663,0.07032955360991965,0.04427100002370151,0.04475205642408637,0.0,0.04025537773394038,0.04613013057414534,0.0,0.0,0.036578469068905765,0.04970408387741248,0.17700400543800482,0.0,0.22480003121780265,0.17020999015506086,0.08746757564237591,0.0,0.03129848313070376,0.04713164175813881,0.07062680785811341,0.03696911990895098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108322193648586,0.03864941348584591,0.040710975762481616,0.0,0.0,0.05875436636147657,0.1133351702716382,0.0,0.07020999956723695,0.15470696098209386,0.050823312489014984,0.04191450500078955,0.0,0.049129010332195085,0.1200873751781596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21276037161766587,0.07638215247045588,0.09740210988732856,0.03648536116986123,0.05216310264260282,0.03509903705980047,0.035469868196724236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039900830021731136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09590738354068316,0.03219200733390068,0.044906608859434316,0.0,0.21988369482303244,0.048346608005939117,0.0,0.028475629290528163 ptsd,AlexKeris,2019/03/05,Is my ptsd valid (13F) When I was 3-7 my dad was a abusive drunk to my mom at 7 my older sister got it by a truck and is now in a wheelchair. And the rest on my siblings are autistic. But I don’t remember anything if the abuse except what I’m told (and one memory of a verbal argument) when they fight I get “heavy” and a sense of dread... and my anxiety goes through the roof... I don’t even remember my sisters accident. Because I don’t remember does it even count? (Note I am already diagnosed with massive depressive/anxiety and I’m on pills),1.7678761061946917,3.4872001681415945,4.063017699115047,86.05930530973455,78.29203539823007,8.059823008849557,28.1141592920354,8.841846274778883,2.3031210619469022,421,19,90,10,10,146,73,113,0.171,0.8290000000000001,0.0,-0.9531,0,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,5,2,1,1,8,0,9,3,0,0,0,13,14,10,0,1,3,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,7,1,0,3,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,14,0,11,10,1,8,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,4,60,17,0,0.0,0.4302385815980399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20035632842702805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777862964211456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494086738086633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11067748617931154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1842799034669367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15888465996067902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2398377586745399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09485777382206866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14521037413441176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21264125299449302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302997197157466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122342986951638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6170173500852532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348866681002484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rustisstardust,2019/03/05,"I don't know what's going on anymore, self blame (Advice?) I'm not sure if this is the right forum for what I'm going through, but I dunno where else I can go. Over a year ago, I got out of a relationship because he would always guilt me into doing sexual things I knew I didn't want to do. He'd say stuff like 'don't you trust me?' and I felt like it's what I needed to do to be a good partner. But after every time, I'd have to hide in my bathroom for a few minutes and calm myself down from a panic attack. I was and still am full of guilt from the situation and can barely think about it without feeling disgusting. For the most part, I've kind of willed myself to stop thinking about the details but I remain hyper vigilant and paranoid that he's watching me (we still live in the same city). I've always suffered from anxiety and depression but my list of triggers has almost doubled in size, but for the most part, I can function like a normal person. I've found it really hard recently to keep everything straight in my head, and the fact that I still have feelings for him makes it to where I can't even take myself seriously about what happened. Maybe it was my fault after all and I'm just over exaggerating. I can't seem to be mad at him for anything but the few people I've confided in seem to be pretty pissed. It doesn't make sense. ",4.214623655913978,4.629558078853048,5.427043010752686,83.76056451612907,70.36200716845879,8.063799283154124,26.61111111111111,7.984000788550335,1.4573885304659502,1060,31,222,13,18,354,154,279,0.205,0.7,0.096,-0.9831,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,1,0,0,10,19,4,3,14,0,25,2,2,3,3,48,49,15,0,5,10,0,4,3,1,2,0,1,0,3,15,11,0,2,10,0,0,3,8,11,0,0,7,6,29,8,41,36,10,30,0,2,1,0,12,17,1,7,13,156,44,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12215496983617308,0.1108107785779761,0.0,0.12517601900828315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080309544907834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562968107670236,0.0,0.12397292352294495,0.0,0.0,0.10286975283153604,0.0,0.0,0.14221301572273815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620284255960884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076679723974108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10442694566803423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.082565658089286,0.0,0.10532342361350877,0.0,0.11234784133839547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641415191679195,0.0,0.12002590731450095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13706324771918854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21313233725114536,0.1048495769327614,0.09997917065318104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11054289375615928,0.0,0.11198132963068627,0.0,0.12829280143947014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111115798498982,0.0,0.1301751022934716,0.06870033964527668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18321568193501805,0.0,0.1103830882869312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16688570742085315,0.0,0.1255858978928436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269078497375276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247989358636195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14666827140704458,0.0,0.2707398590469769,0.0,0.08666381329163693,0.10915091198249613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717661861915155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800824073605961,0.0,0.12342890333636833,0.13421026982609646,0.0,0.10675492461291736,0.0,0.09941023893376434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276025661186916,0.13040911159074184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051261811337648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2994912160219016,0.10451108686694252,0.0,0.0,0.14310261087732132,0.0,0.0,0.1178172093645575,0.0,0.09398938061343153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08304880805574312,0.16019832030774198,0.0,0.0,0.07289233409730854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373211162392795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12050186906265828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08880107810005053,0.0,0.0,0.08050013020874447 ptsd,shibasign,2019/03/05,Anyone gone through a legal name change? I already know the legal process but more or less want to hear other people's opinions. Im changing it due to trauma reasons. I have no criminal history and am not running from legal issues. I'm afraid of telling the judge it's for trauma and them belittling me or something similar. ,4.673548387096774,6.660237322580645,5.4234193548387095,78.26512903225809,70.93548387096773,7.540645161290323,33.36774193548387,8.238735603445708,2.8982799999999997,262,13,43,4,5,85,50,62,0.21899999999999997,0.6970000000000001,0.084,-0.9208,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,0,11,7,5,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,1,4,0,6,6,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,3,1,27,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031184429320118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19206405725199213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5811543178832193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30958660335587834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2967037206589346,0.28669666752415623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15095805636016502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19042992915050608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28241886801037885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114636411597296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400841953213029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620145740115586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,euphorixmisu,2019/03/05,"i can only help myself Hello xx &#x200B; Thought I would share some of the eternal pain I suffer through everyday, which I would love to just get off my chest. I am trying so hard to be strong and keep it together without the harmful coping methods I know so well, like the risky sex, drugs, alcohol, you know the BS. But it isn't easy and I have no support system. I have isolated myself in a way that is for the best yet here I am feeling so god damn alone. I don't know my father and my mother was extremely abusive which kind of led me into some of the trouble I got into in the past. I let it go. I don't act out in anger and I am taking better care of myself. She lives here, with me and my grandpa and she is so ill. She has schizophrenia and psychosis. Her room is next to mine and she has no clue who I am or who she is nor the year or state we may be in. She deteriorated from an abusive crazed women to a person I can barely recognize by eye who talks to herself and laughs all day. I just don't understand how my grandpa has got it in his head that I can live like this. I suffer from PSTD from, I don't want to begin the things she did and said to me growing up that I have reoccurring flashbacks of. It just continues and it is worse that I am here around here. I feel like I shouldn't feel this way and that I should ignore how I feel because my grandpa makes it seem like it is so easy and that I won't get anywhere in life if I don't do just that. Which is to drain out the pain I am feel. I want to leave and I feel weak and crazy . Can I have someone who doesn't know who I am tell me I have a right to want to get away. People say I have it good because I don't have to pay rent , that I am not like my grandma and uncle living on the streets cause I am ""spoiled"" but what I have is someone who wants control over me and to not feel alone. He doesn't love either one of us especially not my mother because he would of taken her to a psychiatrist, yet he will let her sit there because he feels ashamed that his daughter is this way. I have been considering leaving to a new state. No contact with family or friends. They all are bringing me down down down. ",3.7249568965517237,3.7658276163793123,4.815086206896551,89.03853448275862,71.32758620689657,7.606896551724138,26.77586206896552,7.0983637204850245,1.0190793103448272,1690,50,392,14,29,557,206,464,0.127,0.77,0.10300000000000001,-0.5933,1,2,3,0,0,0,38.0,2,1,1,4,20,29,2,1,17,0,60,13,3,6,2,77,96,31,0,10,15,7,9,5,1,8,7,2,2,2,32,25,1,3,15,0,2,5,19,11,1,1,8,12,75,18,50,76,6,45,0,2,1,3,47,22,1,8,16,290,107,1,0.0,0.20695486905204052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333432080342573,0.0,0.1809049888757332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09462719884438063,0.1061213183165592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774647123655773,0.0,0.0,0.08205390173784856,0.0,0.0,0.21295388780960786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09165246464692424,0.07724051670590998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904362989948228,0.0897168776724194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979533832418095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05632370878964552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10128061912944453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233145903384591,0.0,0.3532727155653945,0.06239198507515449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747463524213887,0.0,0.13688645555912926,0.0,0.049634368735519005,0.07325227082427466,0.13969920527518734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823480957514785,0.0,0.08963068150361353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05853866283972223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776271662411886,0.0,0.09094573508764944,0.19198764678441024,0.0,0.0,0.184949846096754,0.0,0.17861146159444538,0.06168713869417348,0.21333681300028493,0.0,0.2313546353019457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15764609945820449,0.0,0.05829664455648002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434847581331087,0.0928815305017605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059180307921899884,0.06642203648996213,0.18586072932145906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08337093070576876,0.06054694074707094,0.07625736220553192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458342587863118,0.08307537629905608,0.0694521232999521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07950630465737625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799695324451095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910647463941943,0.0,0.0,0.06566488644695373,0.07019638887334488,0.0763344481262624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058021347889975476,0.0,0.0,0.06933406081146452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059294583567958165,0.0,0.0,0.09091858716178182,0.10505298842711253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20604926665885304,0.2079668524365288,0.0,0.0,0.0785244567032715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08418761244091412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08900160316997249,0.1861203682293527,0.0,0.1061213183165592,0.056240735651435884 ptsd,shep435,2019/03/05,"Fuck it all. fuck this. I didnt ask for it. This is not how my life was suppose to go. Cancer taking my right eye wasn't enough. Dad leaving during treatments wasnt enough. Getting drugged, raped, and molested for over 10 years by my step father wasn't enough. Having the entire family take his side wasn't enough. What more do you want from me?... Im just so tired of this shit. i tried to be a good person...i really did. i took the abuse because all i ever wanted was to have a family.. all i feel is hate now. i just fucking hate myself.... why the fuck was i born if this is was my destiny? why did i go to college if i cant escape my trauma long enough to hold a career? what's the point of all this? im just so tired...",-0.638149405772495,1.4363555483870982,1.5993208828522931,98.1263497453311,90.29032258064517,4.2954159592529715,14.60950764006791,5.750287758089431,-0.9174516129032262,550,10,130,4,19,184,89,155,0.26,0.7,0.04,-0.9906,0,0,1,0,1,0,32.0,0,1,0,0,8,11,9,0,7,0,19,12,2,1,5,17,35,6,0,4,6,2,1,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,9,1,0,1,1,0,0,4,7,10,0,0,12,2,18,1,12,22,10,13,0,0,1,5,5,4,5,2,5,87,27,2,0.0,0.13215544515857525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427388400102301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799312326073183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934979851691372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5762478817564591,0.0,0.0,0.10089338767662298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102980358763514,0.0,0.05639745660705334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41246393645614654,0.058274510294471664,0.0,0.12678033864007238,0.0935535994296828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202432896074104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409624641288968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11810366847073465,0.0,0.0,0.07878327590966032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09870848203074746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09739152980601418,0.0,0.0,0.1054403829778408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07145472283958194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525367432610224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11449315391525484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677268544477166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25639528504992376,0.0,0.0,0.12392390412437625,0.07572764171057407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315771534375031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20129315044865528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182744228348928 ptsd,MentalHealth_Help24,2019/03/05,Gabapentin for PTSD? I was recently prescribed Gabapentin for Anxiety. Does it work for PTSD to? I read online that it might. How well did it work for you?,1.2844827586206904,3.8338657241379335,0.9133793103448262,98.84455172413792,98.65517241379312,5.078620689655172,23.04137931034483,6.742157984588678,0.8464841379310344,122,5,25,2,5,35,20,29,0.057999999999999996,0.852,0.09,0.2359,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,17,7,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21343969304747626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441610222596891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2959824769516778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6522888155571938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27908263626462243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2754858841385308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25086091995146514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062410315250671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AlianneVsPredator,2018/11/14,"I’m so frustrated A little while ago I got a call from my psychiatrist saying that their therapist, that I just got an appointment to see after finally deciding I’m ready for therapy, is leaving the practice. The solution they’ve offered is group therapy. This is problematic because I’m an introvert, have several different types of anxiety the worst of which is social anxiety, and just in general don’t do well around people, especially groups of people. But all of this is in my file! Why would they suggest group therapy???? So, per the title, I am so frustrated!! I’m not sure my options but I’m going to call my primary care provider and ask for a referral to a different therapist organization. Once I stop freaking out. ",5.625333333333334,7.356236607407408,7.418703703703708,65.9191666666667,68.1111111111111,12.511111111111116,37.2037037037037,11.979248473330829,5.571237037037037,582,32,96,24,10,203,83,135,0.157,0.7759999999999999,0.067,-0.8875,2,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,2,0,7,7,2,0,10,0,10,0,0,0,2,16,21,8,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,4,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,1,0,2,2,10,3,15,18,2,11,0,0,1,0,12,5,0,1,5,64,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733112796375598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197734789805167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787300064286433,0.13428710505086305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08756362893282653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29335176094929305,0.0,0.14645392854853392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001533734509688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15735422560475965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08163580371273196,0.0,0.22976935521109315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520975255382858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396833373879034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15297543784849724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19916837047217908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142309260617226,0.0,0.0,0.11446512103846725,0.0,0.0,0.16227605460945574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642626579505866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009223963823655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13538212035370306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4928059331547825,0.3335619099802473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915258715660508,0.0,0.12961574558809258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10204008656901847,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Allelomimetic,2018/11/14,"Nightmares Have any of you found any medication, holistic therapies or anything else that helps with nightmares? I’m currently prescribed clonazepam for them, and although it enables me to go to sleep, my nightmares are just getting increasingly worse. I wake up feeling absolutely exhausted. It’s been over two years since they first began. The cause of my PTSD has recently resurfaced and as a result, my nightmares are becoming unbearable. ",9.29095890410959,11.410833164383565,7.723178082191782,65.69545205479454,59.821917808219176,10.771506849315069,44.73698630136986,10.793553405168565,5.665572054794519,363,22,49,9,5,109,61,73,0.079,0.867,0.055,-0.4201,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,1,2,2,1,1,0,0,2,0,5,4,2,2,0,9,11,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,2,3,1,8,0,9,8,1,9,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,5,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32527049795140456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19680618193260607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26413058451089705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24568055278540515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19978533924803096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120925179152201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2034271821781772,0.0,0.2622237705875675,0.0,0.0,0.12494988287263388,0.0,0.13591867510839226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16030217968901345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409259434476638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2795622297995228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23613910344997416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19783349202865166,0.0,0.23933014004012884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734973564444595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336220517379439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24372184624418894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540095395913481 ptsd,moisiny,2018/11/14,"Abuser learnt nothing I’m so angry right now, I feel sick and shaken and like the system has completely failed me. I was sexually assaulted about a year ago, at my best friends house. She just told me that my abuser has been messaging her. I did everything right. I filed a report the next day, I told everyone who needed to know, I went to councilling, I didn’t contact him or post about it online. But he’s been messaging her this whole time. He said that he ‘acknowledges that (he) did a really bad thing but (he) should at least get to tell his side’. I’d love to know his side. I’d love to hear his excuse for assaulting me whilst I was unconscious. He learnt nothing. No criminal record, he’s not on any list, he changed his name and moved to a new town and no one there knows what he did and he’s been messaging her. I feel so hopeless. ",3.283520361990952,4.625946682352944,4.155882352941177,88.55839366515836,73.3529411764706,8.289592760180996,24.253393665158374,8.841846274778883,1.4901085972850685,656,19,143,13,13,211,101,170,0.155,0.7070000000000001,0.13699999999999998,-0.0816,0,0,0,0,2,1,23.0,0,0,0,2,7,10,2,0,6,0,12,3,0,0,0,19,27,10,0,2,5,0,2,1,1,1,1,2,0,0,8,5,0,0,6,0,0,2,4,5,0,1,13,4,23,5,12,13,3,20,0,2,0,2,34,8,0,1,9,81,31,2,0.0,0.3553101567900269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291328442551195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019647415685727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519412801482266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573533965789531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586172607642155,0.0,0.15720985385097197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09669927502895563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432746574623876,0.1347569323312229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15162893307624414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584372639817266,0.0,0.07833776869634806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899394010344335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17301130722257818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24721027775226134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325339753872151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27065446960682915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15936311591030813,0.0,0.11117904616265342,0.0,0.14481355429570056,0.15946351644995418,0.0,0.0,0.28774407634389443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10160362296827533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360163596306216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09605578016500052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560968858984427,0.14262783530251547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105468287099015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09961386417428006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743156269313135,0.0,0.0,0.2865493149247752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138996427330162,0.0,0.16740331189161162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965568227209637 ptsd,spot_removal,2018/11/14,"Wim Hof Method Just wanted to share that I found something that helps much better than expected. I have recently played around with the Wim Hof method. This is about exposure to cold, breathing excerscises and stretching. I get a lot of relaxation out of this and it helps breaking out of a triggered moment. &#x200B; There is a one thing that is special about. Since I am doing it, I like the guy that I see when I look in the mirror. That's a big deal for me. Just wanted to share. &#x200B;",2.8045263157894738,5.408760663157898,3.020263157894739,90.32934210526315,79.21052631578947,5.905263157894738,23.184210526315788,7.1686216300943375,0.8906631578947368,393,13,76,5,10,120,61,95,0.0,0.759,0.24100000000000002,0.9661,0,0,3,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,7,0,6,1,1,1,0,14,12,3,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,8,7,15,11,2,10,0,0,2,0,6,6,0,1,4,55,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3905673142966075,0.4380085090828538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16044663076647764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15940248434449453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18581352401971507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19761747393040552,0.0,0.0,0.09416491939636784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784601731329339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.241614341405422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0880533156552028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135131683677716,0.0,0.0,0.15322865336047786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249285923812834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213134387669393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1779595076960848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362330529954587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1490915749778588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13875307608625953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.119739579602924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21261357642024495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380085090828538,0.0 ptsd,ItsMeKate17,2018/11/14,"I need help understanding my boyfriends PTSD. He doesn't remember a lot of his past, even things from a couple weeks ago. My boyfriend was repeatedly beaten as a child by his step father. His 2 half siblings weren't beaten because they were his kids I guess. It went on for a few years I believe. He exhibits emotional withdrawal, he's very reserved, and had trouble remembering things. He remembers essentially nothing from his childhood and relies on looking at pictures to remember things (good or bad). Lately he has also had anger issues. We have 2 cats that have helped him with his anger issues but they cant live with us at the place we are renting so my parents are taking care if them but he told me ever since they've been gone his anger is back. I don't know how to help him with the anger and the memory suppression but I want to understand it at least. I also booked him a counselling appointment and he seems willing to try it out so that's something!",4.319032258064514,6.217667892473121,4.662129032258067,83.7231935483871,71.68817204301075,7.755698924731183,27.99139784946237,8.447377352677275,2.0061294623655916,772,29,146,13,15,243,120,186,0.111,0.818,0.071,-0.8605,2,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,3,0,3,2,8,10,6,0,8,0,16,0,0,1,1,30,29,15,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,8,10,0,1,8,1,1,3,4,8,0,1,9,1,26,2,19,19,3,19,0,0,1,0,31,7,0,5,9,98,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709787117930776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323622897267945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09290158775056606,0.10087798712138096,0.07364953410378898,0.0,0.0,0.13612051794288835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1231820076066478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368282389833813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590399331650654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07979915245933134,0.10928680196145277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133640993820817,0.0,0.0,0.13309465301365514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24294528489053366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522052142282054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639841556683082,0.0,0.13628797145045088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668451139352904,0.0,0.10145669492294772,0.0,0.0,0.10271514686729527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08958501939991696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11592813372299828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341540960643458,0.0,0.11533445606344295,0.0,0.0,0.12622909982010302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122978176807408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5474529877932581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10998817361934972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09994190175710996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930116024380931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09084010333955787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24079834094361666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11544678076754353,0.0,0.08202749430078772,0.0,0.0,0.2515516069592171,0.14532918339175768,0.0,0.0,0.0996875067335897,0.07126158929495363,0.0,0.09691291551805503,0.0,0.0,0.1119995005234584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778028336742247 ptsd,fluffybuttdog,2018/11/14,"Any Suggestions??? i have been dealing with PTSD for over 5 years (i’m 17 now). i’ve talked with many people and i’m on several meds, but i still find myself in a horrible state. i get countless flashbacks throughout the day, and i usually have at least 2 panic attacks a day, if not more. this is a lot better than it was a couple months ago, where i got at least 4 a day. it has been mentally wearing me down, and i can’t even sleep to escape it. i have nightmares no matter what, one of my attacks is usually caused by this. i’ve found myself scared of sleeping, so i usually don’t. i stay up for 3 days, and sleep one night for 12-18 hours. i take a sleep aid when i sleep as well because the exhaustion i already have plus that makes me have little to no dreams. i was functioning okay, but i think it’s catching up to me. i can’t focus on assignments anymore. some of my triggers aren’t avoidable throughout everyday, and it’s hard to let people know or even mention it. i know people close to me have noticed some things off, as i go into the bathroom for long periods of time because i’m on the verge of an attack and need to calm down. i’m don’t have the slightest idea on how this can stop or reduce.",1.9037012987012965,3.5956225158730177,3.48679653679654,90.46577922077923,77.80952380952381,6.486580086580088,24.549783549783548,7.348242739294969,1.0129380952380953,942,33,204,12,22,312,144,252,0.155,0.772,0.073,-0.9736,1,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,1,9,11,3,3,12,1,21,7,6,4,0,34,35,17,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,12,11,0,2,6,1,0,2,8,7,1,2,6,1,25,4,36,28,6,42,0,0,0,0,4,18,0,6,20,137,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884164259686905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006922263624068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782887100624473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891856149242112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34041724291970993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160519173744964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821485196193811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246385472139427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103640751430415,0.0,0.25730473304540835,0.10283097268735468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175903083959542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116357815264936,0.0,0.0,0.10936339091295336,0.0,0.0,0.05211176261598412,0.0,0.056686421543488234,0.0,0.07977383656994705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935041399605276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09822706839096927,0.0,0.0,0.1125980559641659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10963262910378588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10199429208410402,0.0,0.0,0.09996899992494183,0.0,0.08826969043201778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08479819513546079,0.0,0.0,0.06657943380943396,0.10112406080331532,0.0,0.0,0.11079233166558976,0.0,0.10051779639921046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07961415827381191,0.0,0.0,0.07395840037207782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09360233944799788,0.0,0.0,0.11355841929884555,0.0,0.0,0.13517729619208682,0.0,0.0,0.11702728315090245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20744835647930476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165945915336162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09986045346854104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268154926698015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4990767161156335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631309697465124,0.07965513604809953,0.08338987320061096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749945557597789,0.08016989420593759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626502298313436,0.0639114854600128,0.0,0.0,0.058161126057467025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3295594923403783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968121419804925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06423142129682705 ptsd,ractsaf,2018/11/14,"Parents aren't understanding I was diagnosed with ptsd after an incident that happened about a month ago. I've moved back interstate with parents because I felt safer and because I sustained physical injuries, but some days have been so hard. They don't understand how ptsd is affecting me (even rejecting what I say when I try to explain, retorting that I'm exaggerating) and they have been pushing me to do things I am not comfortable with doing just yet. Examples: 1) Asking me to move back interstate by myself because that was my place of employment and they are worried about my job security, even though that was where the incident happened. 2) Leaving me to walk by myself rather than escorting me for an appointment because they judged the situation to be safe and that I should be ready to do this by now. Already explained to them that psychologist had said I had been pushing myself when I wasn't ready and I need to stop doing that. That was a week ago. Apparently they've forgotten all about that. Tired of explaining to deaf ears. What can I do?",7.234778911564626,7.977081423469392,7.215714285714286,72.4209523809524,63.8469387755102,11.227210884353745,36.74149659863946,11.038039088145766,4.287668027210883,853,40,149,23,12,273,111,196,0.107,0.8170000000000001,0.076,-0.7432,5,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,5,0,19,4,0,0,6,0,26,4,1,2,1,26,38,11,0,3,4,2,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,13,8,0,3,6,0,0,5,4,1,0,0,12,6,26,3,23,23,2,20,0,1,0,0,13,2,0,1,13,117,39,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24218515779333205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074762274256034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770775004683188,0.0,0.0,0.2100824735437785,0.0,0.3330939045178285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809927947613512,0.0,0.0,0.13865175901836765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045335651705566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116275183372686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415996756888408,0.0,0.1223717418763137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355599310566252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14464555451417258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090372477335504,0.2903801643304127,0.0,0.10129128534666657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033685970243897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14272372607135653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3193691583780736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994316161760155,0.10863421731805996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355036317967827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11420835765634504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907546582635682,0.0,0.13421426054197472,0.0,0.0,0.1570079857005261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274620229083587,0.0,0.0,0.2844223930585228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095767333117952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872956830952587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anonymoustradamus,2018/11/14,"I feel like I can't do anything... I've been working on processing trauma for the better part of four years now, and I still can't seem to get my shit together. Every time I start putting together any kind of a happy and fulfilling life, another wave of emotional agony floods through me. I don't know what to do. I've been on leave from work for the past two months and it's my only source of income. I'm about to run out of money and I can't go back to work; I just can't function. Even when I'm relatively relaxed at home, every few hours I break into convulsive sobs that take time to recover from. I want to process my trauma, but I can't even remember most of it. It feels like I'm trying to pedal on a bicycle that forgot to put gears inside the chain. I'm not going anywhere, no matter how much I keep pedaling. I have another therapy appointment tomorrow, and we're going to adjust my meds. But I can barely even afford whatever medication may be prescribed. And on top of that I'm about to lose my health insurance, so I'm double fucked. I don't know how I'm going to afford rent if I can't function well enough to go back to work, let alone medications. I'ven mentally preparing myself for homelessness and hunger during the winter. I never thought it would come to it, but I just have no idea what to do. I feel like the world is closing in, and choking me with its emptiness. I'm not sure if I'm looking for support or advice, but anything is appreciated. I'm just so lost...",3.63738038277512,4.7263841973684215,5.247775119617227,82.05033492822969,72.15789473684211,8.685167464114832,27.305023923444978,9.095868883498916,2.1414526315789475,1172,41,239,24,22,398,164,304,0.127,0.765,0.10800000000000001,-0.8378,4,1,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,8,18,17,2,0,7,0,22,7,1,2,2,46,55,20,0,4,12,0,3,3,0,2,4,0,2,0,11,13,1,2,10,1,2,9,13,7,1,2,5,4,26,10,40,46,6,36,0,3,1,1,0,11,3,6,18,150,37,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169096774028846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777980104813796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07076766703793091,0.218242139161496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17127301051562194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16003889335596425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203690373776173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08964265437955975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705895033477265,0.0,0.10752680910088994,0.0,0.206201557361286,0.0,0.17535825005470113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785494599679822,0.22303185048206006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09620627762902953,0.054369589392518965,0.0,0.2957122642504282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077896868911308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11061607004316218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438553021995613,0.0,0.10248291570950968,0.0,0.0,0.11747654966653945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09249762082739722,0.0,0.10836752811340944,0.11438264086977662,0.0,0.0,0.11018965115376003,0.0,0.10641336048941198,0.07350408163982664,0.15252248865646773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738826521790688,0.11642194921840696,0.1135990776055916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559258942913295,0.2096687778828424,0.10487289323024344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08306357102283989,0.0,0.07649963914794908,0.0,0.08026122828404086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914600832835947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269209230406413,0.0993416752131506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20922783579355853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788518965639988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947367317098256,0.0,0.0,0.10682107383092712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07365763697151986,0.0,0.08310632422577134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809155939371455,0.098079890264065,0.0,0.07824381672484224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190072261610853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261586732969926,0.12136210266589922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0706532026551976,0.0,0.10165623795724073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06138014519284745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356679850001652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030418029759188,0.0,0.0,0.07392468419816177,0.0,0.0,0.06701435197540638 ptsd,Alexhasissues,2018/11/14,One step forward. Twenty steps back. I’m really tired. It seems like the moment that I’m starting to recover or I’m starting to get some sort of progress. I get triggered and I have to start all over again. It’s so hard to see the point in fighting all of this all the time. I still live with my abuser and sometimes I can make it. I can force myself to keep going and to see the light in things and then it gets triggered and I’m right where I was trying to figure out if it’s even worth continuing on. I’m tired.,-0.2457012987013023,1.9751781181818195,1.5270129870129878,98.10909090909094,90.54545454545456,4.233766233766234,16.948051948051948,5.773587663045528,-0.6191038961038959,403,10,93,3,14,131,68,110,0.13,0.807,0.063,-0.8149,0,0,0,0,3,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,6,2,1,0,4,0,4,2,0,3,3,20,21,9,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,2,0,1,4,0,1,0,1,1,4,8,1,15,20,4,22,0,0,2,0,1,9,0,5,12,58,16,0,0.0,0.2289566085014863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858885799113392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763253265841176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028781952139206,0.0,0.109822173141904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17310418207731307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17175969612673742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440681129522704,0.0,0.1706335714720872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12898852861791796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13094374299031009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18267330912272894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379384733738162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650250445211741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079729180012961,0.17591752203966138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19111830557796694,0.0,0.4103266623662558,0.0,0.15432090974388216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837940073043835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126792110366506,0.44419959261128666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311965919759432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GloryfiedAsshole,2018/11/14,"Just tried EMDR on myself and holy shit I've felt emotionally numb since I was 12 and didn't know what was going on at the time and until literally a couple minutes ago I had no idea that what I was feeling could have been trauma related. I just read a thing on EMDR and i know this has to be done by a professional but i decided to give it a shot anyway, I sat there for a couple of minutes tapping my finger and drawing up images of my trauma until I was starting to become overcome with the strongest I've felt any emotion in a long time. I started to feel this uneasy feeling (cant describe it i haven't felt something like this in a long time other than it was uncomfortable and felt hot almost) as I was drawing up more images my thoughts were going wild. Until a couple seconds later the feeling disappeared I don't know for sure if this will help fix myself a little but at the very I've pinpointed my problem. I just wanted to share cuz this was pretty crazy to me",4.566810977966757,5.165275824120606,5.9156783919598,79.91477773482801,69.6532663316583,7.731117124081948,28.37301894085813,7.61054688173877,1.7249486664089675,775,26,148,8,13,262,111,199,0.157,0.747,0.095,-0.89,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,5,8,1,0,13,0,20,3,2,1,1,33,39,14,0,4,6,0,10,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,13,7,0,0,14,1,0,3,5,5,0,1,18,10,20,3,26,18,1,25,0,0,0,0,3,10,1,2,13,110,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11003244316086963,0.0,0.12429678207648973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441164989301271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709019764283467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910652249064517,0.4120375380072099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12702657207743795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792557546713015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2510524366675377,0.0,0.4767313791634888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907538673714475,0.14109019649099358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832007301874479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140125989680795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465336443327992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06064292471485145,0.12440938639597734,0.0,0.21969966754204465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12628332946651308,0.0,0.11877422935795907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12416211056483772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12741614161985687,0.10268039414216762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955601987777721,0.0,0.0,0.1757176101525008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698966074546215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246547284695044,0.0,0.0,0.0985441792917137,0.21714101402458647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.084275116815056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10241902848048198,0.07321421693361524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,unwashedace,2018/11/14,"My brother has changed but I still remember the abuse he doesn't seem to. When I was growing up from about Grade 7 until Grade 12 my parents were abscent. My Dad lost his job and my Mum had to work all the time in order to make things work while my Dad had to travel to look for work. I have two older brothers. One went off to school and was dealing with his own suicidal feelings and anxiety. My other brother who is 8 years older than me was living at home (and still is). During that period of time the house was basically his. He was a drug addict. Lied and stole. We constantly had a parade of different people in the house that abused me in some way or another. My brother's abusive girlfriend lived with us. It seemed like it was just me, him, her and whatever person was staying in our basement at the time. They used to beat the crap out of each other. He was abusive emotionally and verbally and I remember mostly just hiding under a desk when I got home and just zoning out or not going home. I was a pretty square kid because I didn't want to be like my brother and got bullied a lot for that and I guess my ""dyke"" vibes or whatever (kids threw rocks at me at school-- kinda biblical). I put all of these feelings aside for the longest time. And by ""put aisde"" I mean, I didn't deal with them and they caused a lot of problems in my development and relationships. My therapist told me that I have PTSD. I thought other sexual trauma was more responsible but, this was what my therapist always wanted to focus on. That and later my cocaine and alcohol habits when I finally snapped. Now. My brother only drinks and smokes cigarettes. Lives with my parents and is pretty nice and gets help for his OCD. I do not live with my family. I moved across the country and it proved to pretty much help me to be away from them all. Problem is for me. Right now. Is that my brother has changed. But he teases me for being over sensitive and having a temper with him. He loves to tease me and I get so frustrated that I cry and feel myself since it's the same house wanting to crawl under a desk when he does this. How do you tell someone that you recognize that they have changed but, you are unable to forgive them (at least mentally because I know I can never physically forgive him due to my body having a will of its own) and that they can not have that teasing sibling relationship with you because you traumatized me too much. My brother is not a responsible person and is pretty condescending and problematic and we fight constantly.... I don't know what to do but, I am staying here currently until January because I live very far up North (the last town before the next town is a fly in town in the Yukon) and I need to wait for the river to completely freeze to cross it to get home. Wasn't planned. I can feel myself just getting worse. 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I'm gonna put the chorus here first to provide some context. Although there's a very specific subset of the chorus that is what jumped out to me, if anyone else has their own thoughts/feelings/interpretations they'd like to talk about after reading this, I'd love to talk with you about that! >Oh how I wish >For soothing rain >All I wish is to dream again >My loving heart >Lost in the dark >For hope I'd give my everything >Oh how I wish >For soothing rain >All I wish is to dream again >Once and for all >And all for once >Nemo my name forevermore I've never really had words for these feelings before, and now they're easier to describe: I really just want something to come soothe my soul and take this away. I feel like I've lost so much of myself since the incident and that I just can't be gentle with myself anymore. For more than a year now, I haven't had a dream that wasn't just reliving or twisting my trauma in some way (nightmares suuuuuuck) Recently I started having nightmares that aren't related to the incident; it feels like a step in some direction but I really do just want to dream again. I'm an artist and I've never been able to visualize things in my mind, dreaming was the only place I got to see the fantastical places I'd later doodle about. I feel like my creativity has withered; life drawing hasn't had the same appeal to me. It's nice to have a song that feels like it understands. 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THIS FEAR of becoming my abuser! It follows me and has done so for years and years and I can't get rid of it. What a fucking nightmare! I swear to something holy, if that were true I would kill myself. I'm not kidding. ",2.3200000000000003,5.112238196969699,2.8244696969697003,89.50670454545454,83.6969696969697,5.118181818181818,26.431818181818183,6.6274283507984215,1.2648545454545457,275,12,50,3,8,85,53,66,0.326,0.637,0.036000000000000004,-0.9694,0,0,1,0,1,1,11.0,0,1,0,0,2,7,3,3,2,0,5,1,0,0,2,9,10,7,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,6,0,0,3,0,7,1,5,6,1,5,0,0,0,1,4,1,1,1,3,34,13,0,0.0,0.2565329424732528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4782440197678312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22156835241391631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436377389229238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2001631244861541,0.11311930113126065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316552325911758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23953996809669675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5080635856005286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18345107832830893,0.16668257241980636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924223121300748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538048881052581,0.0,0.0,0.2788550270811995 ptsd,w8s_b4_d8s,2019/04/03,"Overcomjng fears? Long story short I have PTSD from a cooking related accident, I've gotten myself back into the kitchen in the past few years and can do almost anything that doesn't involve visible flames at this point. I'm moving to a new city in a few months and started looking at apartments. I found an incredible place that is perfect for me.... Except it has a gas stove. How do I start to overcome my fear at least enough to cook? Any advice would be appreciated. ",4.571238095238094,6.332010600000004,5.157619047619047,80.985,70.77777777777777,7.365079365079365,29.523809523809533,7.957251820313856,2.040714285714286,374,15,68,5,7,120,73,90,0.10300000000000001,0.82,0.077,-0.3527,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,2,7,0,9,3,0,1,1,9,15,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,3,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,1,6,1,12,11,4,19,0,0,1,0,1,10,0,1,8,46,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20648056114208602,0.0,0.0,0.2115870904067709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436916957858703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738824406218582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16247716606007892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21833006779591824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4755439790574605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23168026924299726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18699443638834432,0.17743933842295498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865817226819954,0.22457916352852603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040754957980686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20171039079097675,0.0,0.0,0.2207642184561069,0.0,0.19974742374592275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24699916611296305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29911939186421865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010192758191804,0.0,0.0,0.13607069839077846 ptsd,FyeFlourite,2019/04/03,"No idea how this works [abuse/rape] My father sexually abused me more then once, from an early age on most likely. If I put all the clues together he must have raped me as well. I have no idea what to do with this information now. It just feels like a story.",1.5547169811320742,3.4851195660377385,3.0156981132075447,92.32128301886793,79.75471698113208,6.504150943396226,16.260377358490565,7.554174236665415,-0.111359245283019,199,3,46,3,5,65,47,53,0.205,0.718,0.077,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,2,11,5,4,0,2,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,1,5,3,5,4,3,6,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,6,32,9,1,0.0,0.34631304386399964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778940693923534,0.20881033979114244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6599143091089831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28559394197116666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31127678450344204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2938297964487307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628016798371497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21278887425793444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,queensammii,2019/04/03,"Emotional Flashbacks I recently discovered the term and have been researching bits and pieces about it when I'm able to. So many things clicked into place. Long-asked questions have been answered, countless unexplained feelings have been validated and identified. The relief of being able to name and pinpoint these events is palpable. All is not lost, afterall. ",8.259491525423726,11.39002986440678,6.412000000000003,70.10884745762712,63.91525423728814,10.82169491525424,38.918644067796606,10.793553405168565,5.294570169491525,298,16,41,9,5,87,47,59,0.0,0.8590000000000001,0.141,0.7623,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,1,11,12,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,1,1,5,7,4,6,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,1,4,29,4,1,0.5279211637548056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24676751199603605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881765902187987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969201264890584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13346640132528698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23359680860640056,0.0,0.0,0.28814415638641755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676145997721279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27578262691588423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956962619197617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26062923016206313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753636816366948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,microwavednachos,2019/04/03,"Advice for going on a flight for the first time in years? Hi all! I’m flying for the first time since I was 17, about 5 years ago, and I’m extremely nervous over the 10,000 different made up scenarios I’ve gone over in my head lol This will also be my first time flying alone, or even being at an airport on my own. Anyone have any advice on how I can make sure I get to the right gate? Is my social anxiety going to make tsa suspicious of me? Is it weird to take a comfort object like a stuffed animal with me to grip onto for dear life? Thank you to anyone that has a suggestion on how to keep my cool!",2.9756423611111096,3.7089182656250017,4.522291666666668,87.97131944444445,73.375,7.876388888888887,22.034722222222207,8.167268648758528,0.8920180555555559,470,10,105,7,9,158,86,128,0.077,0.782,0.142,0.8674,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,3,5,8,0,1,9,2,9,2,1,5,2,11,21,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,3,3,2,11,6,24,15,2,24,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,1,10,67,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33687815406147353,0.15279660986175045,0.0,0.0,0.17852451023447505,0.0,0.13784513344836224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11721828186285453,0.0,0.1318634455798748,0.0,0.0,0.24105180920569755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800911475272976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11384950822423626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398563951414432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005680307030632,0.0,0.1959249753005455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690251238351842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321138372383875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12175082944460143,0.08421182918735648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631017345901784,0.2301181406314424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472040064714654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14258718313882754,0.0,0.0,0.1757106637315662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624577537067718,0.0,0.1296016407883303,0.0,0.0,0.15869618123903045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015329829257007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22200271755459575 ptsd,HobnobA,2019/04/03,"Hospital related ptsd Has anyone got ptsd as a result of hospitals/chronic pain/conditions? I used to see a private therapist who confirmed I probably have hospital related ptsd. Unfortunately I can not longer afford therapy and I have to go through more and more hospital tests. I was wondering if there’s any support out there? ",6.2146551724137975,8.91891184482759,7.447793103448276,62.32651724137932,68.48275862068965,12.915862068965518,40.910344827586215,11.979248473330829,6.670726896551724,269,17,39,12,5,91,43,58,0.047,0.894,0.059000000000000004,0.168,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,8,11,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,5,1,6,9,2,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,27,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177457124821685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457751144089006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11848484267390832,0.0,0.16674170318253284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22183901834488265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22477832173849727,0.0,0.7311111616328192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661327657851854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23658233910838736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.238416768146166,0.2420630938178299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006108090712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260892968941763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Governorimpressive,2019/04/03,"Do I have ptsd? I get flashbacks, cant sleep, cant even look at some people without wanting to break down, I get episodes of severe chest pain. I've had these issues for years and always brushed it off for some other reason. I thought I got the chest pain because of my caffeine consumption and I haven't even touched it for a couple months, I thought I was an insomniac and that's why i couldn't sleep, I thought I got those flashbacks because I was weak and couldn't get over stuff that happened years ago. A big part of me feels like I haven't been through enough to call it ptsd and that it's disrespectful to people have have seen really terrible things. I don't know anymore, sorry for the word vommityness I'm a bit shitfaced.",3.47091836734694,5.223313863945581,3.716751700680273,90.23390306122452,73.62585034013605,6.53265306122449,27.215986394557824,7.1686216300943375,1.1902068027210886,586,22,122,6,12,181,84,147,0.11800000000000001,0.8540000000000001,0.027999999999999997,-0.9148,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,6,0,15,7,4,1,0,18,30,5,0,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,12,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,10,5,16,1,16,18,5,10,0,0,2,0,1,5,0,2,5,76,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290085696082327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536415008267455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749906585293867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690340014502527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136496062883148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157254156225255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15340859194615766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432578481606258,0.0,0.1831480703398721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010332298864169,0.09904836210463387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21730963041340512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22177491953748474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12260374440019887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470986499227073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07619593260020878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773518066093835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11642728854588308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11066550328025004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29505714230262675,0.0,0.0,0.15013954922675404,0.0,0.19223864424957454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32413830483383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08881984783797163,0.1425506498348411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15662993405194975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774912259924424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1552022692558996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15871590955186704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921098995116561,0.0,0.0,0.3302070844436091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817766991659137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12510598518319085,0.0,0.0,0.13364929985362542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785662931905239 ptsd,Guinevere_roundtable,2019/04/03,"Scared Just had a very dissociative period that ended up in me in the ER, and got officially diagnosed with PTSD. I’m now going through therapy to work through my issues about dealing with parental abuse, especially of my dad. I just moved in with my loving, gentle husband and I walk around scared of him. It’s been really hard, and I feel lost. Any advice ",3.907843137254904,6.145578411764706,4.968235294117652,79.62872549019609,73.70588235294117,8.650980392156864,26.03921568627451,9.2995712137729,2.3705215686274514,284,10,53,7,6,93,53,68,0.185,0.726,0.09,-0.7346,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,2,2,0,2,2,0,0,0,10,8,3,0,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,3,1,0,4,2,8,1,14,4,0,11,0,1,0,1,6,5,0,0,3,34,10,1,0.0,0.25104398098295005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2070473665642346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440861408214643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886187431685307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21843969671962013,0.0,0.21505444913685207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1876634095337069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10713324757038327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041668386943907,0.0,0.16946035042847218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898034884335038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22114840111938133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312928117906525,0.0,0.19123060296044544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2251956510413721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352684415271541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476771983008099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357362011089106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4242590845906545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24230404456073384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748237663775108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425167214773036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,UtahIsMyCity,2019/04/03,"How long can untreated ptsd last and can it get worse? I was diagnosed around 8 years ago. I've never gotten help for it. There was a point in my life where I would just knock people out for small stuff and wouldn't really remember it, like them walking up behind me and slapping my shoulder. I'm not in that place anymore but I still have that anger. I still wake up and get panicked and swinging. I've hit my SO on many occasions, she's understanding but I don't want to take advantage of that. I only sleep a few hours a night if that. I feel like it gets worse when I'm stressed. I haven't really told anyone about what I've been through. I feel like it would put a weight on them. What do you guys think, is it ptsd or something else? It's impossible to find a doctor anywhere near me unless I drive like 4 hours. 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Suppose I am a Perpetrator ( I am not. Just suppose I am. I am experimenting with an idea right now), and my victim has developed PTSD. And suppose that now I am looking for information and advices on how I should try to fix things with the person. What would you advise me to do? And where do you think I could get proper information as to what I should do in my situation as a repentant perpetrator? 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It took about a month to actually hit me, and now I’m starting to have flashbacks of everything that happened when he passed and the funeral. I am on Zoloft and vistaril but it’s not really helping anything. How can I try and overcome (?) this, it’s starting to affect my work, school, and home life. **i was “diagnosed” with a form of ptsd by my GP. She couldn’t actually diagnose me, because that’s not her profession, but with everything I had told her, she said it is most likely ptsd, of some sort. (Had this issue a few months ago, also.) 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I’ve also been diagnosed with autism, ADHD, dysthymia and anxiety, and I feel like PTSD is the one diagnosis that is mostly overlooked by the people in my life. Maybe it’s because the events happened so long ago, and the nightmares and flashbacks have been so constant, it’s nothing new anymore, and people have moved on with their lives, while I feel like I’m still stuck. I have been seeing a trauma therapist and been getting EMDR for the past 1,5 years, although this is intertwined with therapy for my other diagnoses so the trauma isn’t always the most pressing matter. I booked some really progress when I started EMDR and my friends were supportive, but now I’ve been in therapy so long again and told people I had processed a lot of my trauma, it’s not really on the table anymore. Everyone cares more about my recent autism diagnosis (I self diagnosed myself as an adult and this was finally confirmed after a long process of testing) and my recurring depression. I feel like no one close to me realizes that PTSD is a really serious and “bad” thing, but I also don’t want to keep bringing up what happened all the time and saying it was bad. This is the one diagnosis I feel most alone in. I live alone, and have no partner, and I experience the moments my PTSD is worse alone as well. In my dreams, when I’m confused in the mornings, when I watch tv, when I get random flashbacks. I just don’t want to keep reminding people, but I don’t really know what I expect of or want from them either. Lately my nightmares have gotten worse again. I feel like I can handle my other diagnoses, but they might be more serious in people’s eyes because things like autism and ADHD can’t be “cured”. While to me those diagnoses are just part of who I am, and I can accept that. But the PTSD is what’s been making my life truly miserable. 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Maybe he can help. If you need any advice, once you've spoken to a licensed doctor, our church can assist you in your first experiences with cannabis health.",6.381610169491527,7.705852542372884,4.962500000000002,85.75527542372883,65.9491525423729,7.933898305084746,28.309322033898304,8.07648339933343,1.6734033898305087,256,8,48,3,4,74,44,59,0.0,0.9520000000000001,0.048,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,6,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,4,0,0,1,5,5,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,9,0,9,4,0,4,4,0,1,0,13,3,0,1,1,27,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529425609425845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760250229717756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24198725992711545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5298823076799914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25320230344583994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22017535953320294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2751425486438426,0.0,0.0,0.17349987189062532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600468787630373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919319742658287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756638995761171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690414291492552,0.0,0.2080516343541345,0.2262439271462347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,elasticheart1388,2019/07/17,"Need to ask some questions I suffer from PTSD due to being abused for 17 years of my life. I am safe now. I just have an extremely hard time working anywhere, especially some place that we are supposed to be quiet and the only reason I can gather is I get left alone with my thoughts and my mind just races. I am working now, but yesterday afternoon I had a meltdown before time to leave to go to work. I couldn't stop crying, sobbing and just had this feeling that if I got away from my husband's reach I was going to completely fall to pieces. This has happened about ten times in the past few years, sometimes we have worked together and sometimes we haven't. One of the times we worked together, they wanted to sit us far apart and I completely freaked out. Where I am working now, if he drops me off from work or even if I drive myself in that day I have a very hard time leaving him. I don't know if it is the fact of leaving someplace I feel safe, or leaving a person who I feel is my protector in the case that something happened to me (not saying anything would happen, just using an example). I don't really understand what is going on here. I don't mind to work one bit in the least, I do enjoy the work I do, the supervisor's aren't the best but I mean you will find that anywhere. I have had to run some nights to the bathroom and just cry for a few minutes, go back to work and try to get through the rest of the night without breaking down again. Is it just me? I just have a hard time figuring out what is going on here, we aren't supposed to talk very much at work at all. I mean they will have a hissy fit if you even turn around and ask the person behind you for something. I miss the job that I had talking on the phones to people honestly. It didn't pay as much but I felt like I was actually helping someone. I have thought about going back to call centers, I really do like the call center atmosphere. I can talk over a phone line, that doesn't hurt my anxiety. Mine is the face to face kind that throws me into a mess. I just wondered however through all my rambling, does anyone else feel this way when they work somewhere? Atleast this time I signed the ADA form so they know that they hired someone with PTSD and anxiety, and I even told them so before I signed the paper. Never can tell when someone might not want to hire another person due to those problems. I know they aren't supposed to discriminate but places do this all the time. I just don't know if this is some sort of seperation anxiety or if its something in my mind causing my thoughts to race and over think things? I have thought about applying for disability because this makes the fourth time that I have lost a job due to my anxiety if I do lose this job. I am trying my best not to do that but its hard when you fear something so much that you can't force yourself to walk one foot in front of the other to do something. It is like being thrown into a dark room if you are terrified of that and I apologize if anyone is, I am highly terrified of the dark. I don't see how sometimes I even function with the fears and anxieties that I have, but I am trying to make it work. Just looking for maybe some reassurance. Thanks for whatever you might have out there for me.",4.691906916612801,5.081597064856716,5.16069704804999,86.17901583710406,69.30165912518854,8.365567765567766,28.907886231415645,8.269060116576782,1.765683645765998,2566,87,546,34,42,820,267,663,0.102,0.8,0.099,-0.6356,4,1,5,0,1,0,51.0,6,7,7,17,35,23,0,2,36,0,67,4,3,6,5,114,112,40,0,16,33,1,9,3,0,5,1,2,1,3,35,27,0,3,22,0,1,12,18,11,0,4,15,13,87,12,79,88,20,80,0,6,2,0,44,33,1,23,34,394,122,20,0.0,0.05972341387337921,0.04918943481037783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052205891902295125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285556947958175,0.19280402384987846,0.0,0.0,0.07049073921399923,0.05164737615295155,0.04148022257327079,0.044872437165883884,0.094246473505579,0.0,0.04735852947903184,0.077518914355509,0.0,0.03072731082833388,0.0,0.08578437156301423,0.0,0.10579694217770888,0.0,0.05503080035799118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294126511868236,0.0,0.0,0.0517813206444529,0.0,0.0,0.1057004308724405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11073826121802696,0.032507997384510136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044111033788356034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04210813022998723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13317196863730502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344256512697368,0.1019480850995547,0.0,0.0483981074409463,0.0,0.04607059225180926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05267059094552028,0.0,0.17188292074963887,0.0,0.04031465165641585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372280123219712,0.0,0.18061715321659386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03378638835012674,0.053257193654798224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05396115913461499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006190438005396,0.0,0.0,0.05249057247638443,0.11080829110232927,0.0,0.0,0.2134926567294564,0.054766767468242036,0.0,0.035603574168339584,0.07387815228859297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0423287321291076,0.05639193649314729,0.05502460672597806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729340838848183,0.0,0.050640065259904325,0.10981482658819362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694657911196276,0.15268846932076338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116364624217527,0.03737575220481881,0.03887657025708026,0.0,0.0,0.0946060982227655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247016770457952,0.03833638506572349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811867072619959,0.03494549335869932,0.1320389326838579,0.1053280467541626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048232175727713086,0.11784491118409175,0.0,0.05646677248820184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06458333941874729,0.05182623719104528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040085241030835314,0.0,0.0,0.04016742334708431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12812769273476432,0.19402678194332745,0.14955983674178747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04214205852826955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154441219873614,0.04405746875271031,0.04640749705567297,0.0,0.0,0.03348781296518286,0.032298424946696935,0.0,0.16006839861588884,0.2645317154084955,0.0,0.0,0.04816553369877094,0.0,0.10266803495176577,0.054827755092893095,0.0,0.05247490368038246,0.060632766314766676,0.04353499823437504,0.0,0.08318121879190682,0.05946207348172376,0.0400103025904569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859002973789457,0.05466365686306315,0.4770545522083235,0.0,0.0,0.035807303730657734,0.0,0.0,0.06492021661030642 ptsd,Moderatelyfuckedup,2019/07/17,"I feel so traumatized but also like I’m over exaggerating the whole thing. Sorry this is so long, just need some support and validation before I go crazy lol. I want to preface this by saying I’m 19 (female) and I’ve never been in any sort of emotional or sexual relationship before. Never held hands or kissed or anything. I just started a new job about a week ago and started occasionally talking to one of the higher up guys in my wing, asking for tips and advice. It all was very innocent, we briefly talked about music but other than that it was all work talk. Guess I should also mention he gave me his number at this point to “send me music”. Then yesterday his ride left without him so I offered to take him home since it was on my way to my next destination. Once again everything remained very innocent. I took him home and left with no issue. Then today, I hadn’t seen him all day so I assumed he wasn’t there. Until the very end of my shift when I was getting ready to head out. I offered if he ever needed a ride again that I was available, and he asked if I could take him home today so I said yes. The car ride was again fine, we talked about music and movies and his life aspirations. Then once we pulled up to his place he asked me something about if I wanted coffee or something and that’s all he had in his apartment. So I knew at this point he wanted me to come inside and since things had been so innocent so far I thought nothing of it and took his invitation. Things were fine, he showed me some of his music and then eventually offered for me to sit on the couch and gave me the remote to pick a show. This is when I started to be suspicious because of the whole “Netflix and chill” thing but I wrote it off. Then he offered to smoke a blunt which I knew was a bad idea for me because I’ve been trying to quit, and hadn’t smoked in several days so I knew my tolerance would be really low. But regardless I smoked and I feel like this is when things went south. He kept putting his arm up behind me on the couch which just made me feel uncomfortable, and I’m sure it was obvious because he asked me if I was nervous. To which I was honest and told him yes, that I am generally anxious especially around new people. He agreed and made it not seem like a big deal. I don’t really remember any other physical signs but I just felt very pressured for some reason. I knew that he wanted sex by his body language but I was just so nervous and paranoid about anything happening. Basically ever since it happened I feel extremely traumatized, almost like I was forced to do something but I know that wasn’t the case which makes me feel like I’m over exaggerating things. As soon as I got home I tried to nap but I just kept playing the situation over and over in my head, my heart was racing and I felt so sick. I’m already not going to work tomorrow and now I’m contemplating just never going back. If anyone could provide some insight or related experiences so I don’t feel so crazy and alone that would be greatly appreciated.",3.3767980295566535,5.029056564860426,4.564203612479479,84.47615763546798,73.66338259441707,7.533004926108375,25.236453201970445,8.225684150193146,1.4831064039408863,2404,78,488,39,49,790,256,609,0.095,0.784,0.121,0.9511,2,1,6,0,0,0,43.0,3,0,0,3,40,18,0,3,17,3,38,10,6,5,11,119,99,68,0,17,28,0,9,5,0,3,2,2,6,1,33,31,0,3,20,5,0,14,13,5,0,1,45,12,75,13,61,46,10,82,0,1,1,2,54,30,0,19,41,322,108,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06289965423830356,0.057058338827962574,0.0,0.06445524341013574,0.06666582461005692,0.07103167687340173,0.10295011567597964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08754488007834589,0.0,0.0,0.07271750636032111,0.0,0.04500759479283159,0.0,0.10593874147504884,0.05730115733919874,0.2407015240577888,0.0,0.0,0.04949501062119765,0.053744582465302025,0.11771438662062315,0.0,0.10954483604277702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07149832545769046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055447323304842235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10278520367060864,0.0,0.0,0.08302405621633162,0.06636057064421225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240532433874015,0.05701093314407961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644906303134454,0.0,0.0,0.057849798367452576,0.06296424484569238,0.0,0.0,0.19527833678134932,0.09196900892436333,0.12360672807411495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033629617751322616,0.0,0.1097454351474836,0.0,0.051480961221237256,0.07096593551155174,0.07090859719451176,0.06373442939013353,0.1138408008301101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212025450341364,0.0,0.0,0.0762763773148111,0.0,0.0,0.2582653663041481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266362509211052,0.0,0.06718345756620503,0.06387529729897531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03537496358549548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13987201756195194,0.0,0.04546501447460823,0.15723474124989487,0.0,0.0,0.056963645043658966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218130957760794,0.0429661327253585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09545609701750377,0.14893368467200507,0.12433401045801913,0.06845608692635256,0.0,0.0,0.06176282180796699,0.0,0.0,0.13709961585512706,0.043617415448953034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0446246591385318,0.0,0.06725084885604818,0.0,0.12169711104150592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0647076078676624,0.0,0.06846327989985622,0.0,0.0,0.08247156444486871,0.0661810135385416,0.0,0.06910713152819324,0.07291638415853822,0.0,0.06122869800535684,0.051188008683288884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058598200023364785,0.0,0.07271750636032111,0.0,0.15973759788429587,0.07235231695692305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14866086884096275,0.0,0.0720546942068489,0.13667998251383173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07304403153382426,0.060666068210660784,0.0,0.09679343461155676,0.20694620653515886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25657939183065165,0.0,0.0,0.05110099357995256,0.0,0.0,0.12202665512914933,0.061506372265826274,0.14303040917530233,0.0874032791032246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124413295422788,0.15186363137332548,0.05109231387297575,0.05163211844964551,0.0,0.0,0.05966977101468999,0.0,0.1437291228204916,0.0,0.06204844476876986,0.0,0.0937213257504758,0.0,0.0,0.09145034567112223,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,firstdaygitters,2019/07/17,"Flare ups Lately I haven't been able to get a grasp on my flare-ups I'm getting over emotional I'm stressing out I'm shaking and I can't control it. Usually I have a good handle on things I've been in therapy on and off for a while now, and lately things have been getting very stressful in my personal life. Unfortunately they won't be getting less stressful anytime soon, and I really need to get I grasped on these flare-ups. Any advice?",1.9913333333333327,4.2372185777777815,3.6500000000000017,86.70500000000001,79.8888888888889,6.666666666666668,26.66666666666667,7.793537801064563,1.669,352,15,71,6,9,117,53,90,0.16399999999999998,0.7829999999999999,0.053,-0.8514,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,0,4,3,0,9,1,0,1,0,9,18,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,5,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,3,0,8,1,13,13,1,17,0,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,6,45,12,0,0.16539397477556125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162107795274894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247357444844364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550340644592347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860459602021051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4320576271783218,0.0,0.0,0.13872461897775756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3731432152025891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682265566491447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226375365966339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441563923101788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10595561539599314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5683747178924871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18914242438368434,0.0,0.21976081527688168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215809653052828,0.13646735064812776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,preheating4hell,2019/07/17,Advice for CPT So I recently started going to therapy for PTSD related to domestic abuse and I'm supposed to start cognitive processing therapy in the next few weeks. Has anyone else done this? Is it effective? I'm honestly hella nervous because I usually just cope by laughing about it and I really don't want to go into detail about it.,3.306116071428569,6.136199343750004,5.860089285714286,69.33312500000002,79.0,10.532142857142855,32.58035714285714,10.290406445055957,4.8733732142857145,274,15,42,11,7,97,50,64,0.11599999999999999,0.745,0.138,0.375,0,0,0,0,1,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,6,11,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,11,10,1,10,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,6,28,7,0,0.0,0.26087100173880073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21515215665202855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153951260983267,0.2255949866289649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13421644605784847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253151485753551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18392769940669695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502606979389681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23415827823731344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573724276344234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14104954286040308,0.0,0.2173959420695672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116815544284787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.503577887686657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2424913124984201,0.0,0.12986473535764892,0.0,0.17661085377142507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DiogenesObserves,2019/07/17,Calm Ptsd Symptoms in 1 Minute [Found an unconventional holistic way to manage my symptoms. It’s basic breathing and mental focus exercises. Try it. HooRah!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5rAbXINW2Q),8.921839080459774,12.951288827586207,6.2329310344827595,58.98433908045978,91.75862068965515,7.450574712643678,35.86781609195402,7.793537801064563,4.710374712643679,172,9,17,4,6,49,27,29,0.0,0.899,0.10099999999999999,0.3802,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655541166296629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359871522045274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897248663932858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6930571482418245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22635561605163595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26463611665101244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,firefox5018,2019/07/17,I think stress is really hurting me. Every morning I wake up very hungry and very weak in my arms and legs. I no longer have as much energy as I once did. I’m also a lot more jumpy and it’s super easy to startle me now. I have constant headaches and insomnia. This has been going on for weeks now. May someone please help me find out what’s wrong?,0.6175684931506851,2.7846943698630184,2.355051369863016,94.43065924657536,84.75342465753424,5.293835616438357,18.71404109589041,6.6274283507984215,0.0019328767123290007,271,7,60,3,8,89,58,73,0.223,0.613,0.16399999999999998,-0.6097,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,2,1,0,7,5,3,0,0,9,10,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,9,1,8,7,3,9,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,2,4,39,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19816062568450954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677770854797561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20877697782412016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22647905929454526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082693643777475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660909720603035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2652684057642198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21066544176224086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18215696679183854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638923276634712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720031996430856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15874306409729075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20995489676324108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2838469798147153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15877627226153426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4089116996802875,0.0,0.0,0.19876525305907292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709236392295298,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Cxdhd1,2019/07/17,"Good days and bad weeks So iv I'm now 21 and iv only just been diagnosed with cptsd for something that happened 15+years ago my mother had PTSD before I was born and from what I can remember I spent my childhood careing for her while she had a number of abusive boyfriends and family members. So recently I thought it was time for me to try and deal with it all. But I feel like I messed up and made everything worse. Because of what happened I struggle to be around men and me being a 21 year old male I think is just pethetic I shouldn't be like this. I should be able to help and provide for my mother in her times of need yet I'm somehow worse than she is yet she got ""the brunt"" of the abuse. I'm at a lose of what to do I feel like I should just give up trying to get better and just block everyone and everything out again. That part of my life was simpler. Sorry for this being so long I just needed to vent I'm not expecting any help as frankly I don't deserve any but I'd like to somehow know I doing the best I can",2.03959225280326,3.4954752018348643,3.314984709480125,92.86699286442408,76.79816513761467,6.4958205912334375,24.037716615698265,7.1686216300943375,0.7507117227319062,806,26,183,9,18,262,120,218,0.092,0.8,0.107,0.6369,0,0,1,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,15,12,0,1,6,0,21,4,0,1,1,39,40,17,0,6,8,2,2,4,0,3,4,0,0,2,9,14,0,1,6,0,1,0,3,4,0,0,10,2,27,8,29,22,3,22,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,2,20,123,36,0,0.12629721516274314,0.2992830953887896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119548609038647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17177287445342726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11243129805939236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054528992226889,0.07698961011483876,0.0,0.10746962787405502,0.0,0.1325411353943336,0.11169962337712064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287684281265673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145125547204747,0.13020688314068038,0.0,0.1281890148546906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12068240143625268,0.2270155865936567,0.0,0.11906177429113148,0.0,0.12771933358599594,0.18045351149528108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06598508219721162,0.1211557971110452,0.0,0.10593211194772166,0.10101142043582123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22336842053091086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693087221850994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940964649592203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08920745812183528,0.2468097592390523,0.0,0.0,0.11176906107744254,0.0,0.14129427819061674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195054787258962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18729556947394307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132527681834943,0.0,0.0,0.0960547233017468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13676757644747994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14763468591131798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470326336364294,0.0,0.1430701246086979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09722976655594044,0.0,0.14137939226938975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13203327135344212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08092615581825104,0.0,0.10026588130338593,0.14728984363339107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17149503745713204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10130800787297188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574153042475754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16266253149590654 ptsd,Porgarama,2019/07/17,"Is it ever a good idea to bring up your PTSD to your supervisor if someone at work is triggering it? Pretty much the question. I’m having a really hard time with what to do. I love my job, but can’t get away from bullying behavior by a co-worker which then triggers my PTSD and anxiety.",3.906864406779661,4.61643930508475,5.962500000000002,78.5857838983051,71.20338983050847,9.967796610169492,28.309322033898304,10.125756701596842,2.768149152542373,225,8,46,6,4,79,49,59,0.142,0.7490000000000001,0.10800000000000001,-0.47600000000000003,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,1,2,0,0,4,0,5,1,0,2,1,9,9,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,9,9,1,7,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,3,33,9,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17539537277844766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154121777738802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20739310315371204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11978715159679072,0.0,0.0,0.192305677742812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538609805722188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588244903300658,0.0,0.0,0.22752087096028656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693037675614584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685441066247237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23325593247056084,0.0,0.0,0.5360223224197468,0.0,0.2568413877574318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14687995958850072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942646560802968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369257293072062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338310515017056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HunniBeee,2019/07/17,"I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m falling apart. I found the shirt I was wearing the day of the incident my step father killed himself. It will be six years soon and it still feels so fresh in my mind I am haunted every day by the site of him and struggling to help him. In between then and now some friends, some family, and even my dog have passed. It’s like my heart has been in constant mourning and everything around me has been in a blended manic haze. Dealing with work and customers everyday has become more of another chisel breaking away at the little sanity I have left, instead of being that busy distraction to focus on. I have no passion for anything I just go though the motions to get to the next part till I can go to sleep. Though sleep is not always easy. I’m constantly having nightmares that have been happening since I was a kid. I have no real peace of mind I’m a constant wreck it feels like. Most the time I feel like there’s no real point I’m just going though the motions till the end and just waiting to fade away. My friends and family care about me and try to keep me going and I do my best not to worry them I have mostly isolated myself from talking to them about my problems cause they have their own. But this constant crushing feeling in my chest and in my mind are getting to the point I feel like I’m going to fully crack. I feel alone and like I have no where to turn I just have to keep running head first though this wall till ether it breaks or I do and I’m already coming apart.",3.0242122186495166,4.583950353697752,3.7554906752411585,90.29457363344056,74.40192926045016,6.390790996784568,24.980192926045014,6.918507183188421,0.8767043344051442,1204,39,251,11,25,382,164,311,0.124,0.7490000000000001,0.127,0.4267,0,1,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,4,3,19,15,1,2,14,0,29,8,7,1,0,46,57,24,2,1,8,1,6,5,2,1,0,0,0,1,10,16,0,3,8,0,0,12,7,5,0,2,6,6,38,10,40,48,8,54,0,1,0,1,14,20,0,5,25,179,48,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935203716847774,0.09520357798400407,0.0,0.07178542675540991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0904639809150166,0.0,0.0,0.08555889428084781,0.0,0.0,0.070994714467481,0.07680059716229025,0.0,0.0,0.16211124576415364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528092687607423,0.0,0.0,0.09053740837783046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796031306643502,0.08862537001599648,0.0,0.07431590806542693,0.0,0.3729186327419728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127693387595698,0.08894290604527456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641161040301503,0.0,0.0,0.05698201035311067,0.0,0.07268809519182891,0.0,0.07753593935351685,0.0,0.16265960675701435,0.0,0.2617310639798706,0.18489874726273392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338313548813984,0.0,0.0945930739402566,0.13330745942504646,0.0,0.09014738429634828,0.0,0.2451525514941137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629026961384634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08854022252142722,0.0,0.0,0.10223303680371314,0.05782647355779452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533654872952309,0.09544746715368642,0.0,0.04741297478300314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373505679355336,0.0,0.0,0.21074132850697805,0.08646746340519225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26133115035138466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175152125140383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342444430426254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16311033205815345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255089610201075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19639342572827756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0713653003211474,0.0,0.17266911830472492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889713377593001,0.0,0.0,0.09019049197384912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934237012128514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3390482075301298,0.0,0.050306045301590316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857319765230975,0.09383943904440804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06280722867314709,0.08761366205952313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055556503262179736 ptsd,magic_waves,2019/07/17,"i want hormone therapy but then ill look like my rapist. everyone used to say all the time how i looked exactly like my oldest brother, just female. im so fucking exhausted trying to decide between dysphoria and ptsd. why couldn't i just be born male i doubt i would have been raped in the first place if i were male too",2.669739583333332,4.852919828125003,3.6887500000000015,87.61458333333336,77.28125,7.3916666666666675,24.729166666666664,8.344100000000001,1.6383104166666669,255,9,51,5,6,82,52,64,0.304,0.6,0.096,-0.9668,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,3,1,2,0,6,5,0,2,2,14,11,6,0,4,4,1,0,2,0,1,2,1,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,2,3,8,2,4,6,1,7,0,0,2,3,4,2,1,2,7,31,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2463482086109943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21929279205790012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2383409056866479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784787074012411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519055857881977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4329904199959641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2693562558307655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3013657332822569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20502061456319307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948278507964026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503309044809062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17503585759169693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.222664797902878,0.0,0.0,0.15206283578346133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326331470269137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831406080622832,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Reccykins,2019/08/27,"Not sure how to help when he is like this (Support Advice) TW: Childhood trauma/abuse. My partner is seeing a counsellor who believes he has an element of PTSD from childhood trauma (emotional abuse of being made to feel he was always to blame, always wrong etc and was sent into care). He keeps going into states where he keeps saying stuff like ""mummy I'm sorry, mummy I'll be a good boy"" which is really upsetting to see. I try to tell him stuff like he is safe, no one wants to hurt him and things but I don't know how to help him with this. I want so badly for him to see that he isn't bad and never had been (which I know is more for his counsellor than me) but I don't know how to help when he is like this and it's killing me. What can I do for him? Is it just time and waiting for the therapy to help? He's the kindest, most lovely person so to see him like this is heartbreaking.",2.1572905525846733,3.490148614973265,3.659165775401071,91.03267023172907,76.21925133689841,6.697896613190732,20.48805704099821,7.3011,0.3846673083778964,689,15,154,8,15,228,102,187,0.15,0.6679999999999999,0.182,0.7919,0,0,0,0,2,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,9,19,1,1,5,0,20,1,0,4,2,29,40,14,1,2,4,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,0,3,14,8,0,4,4,0,0,2,6,8,0,1,6,6,16,11,22,32,3,12,0,2,4,1,28,3,0,1,11,100,30,0,0.0,0.2826249349304443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11654680640742167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19848020438550207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1991667370475581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13437361399414058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1216011501521308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13415986813859027,0.0,0.0,0.13301477318496155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06030522421790936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778246048737467,0.10003590816706992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31976992571905066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767830989639484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2120208421115608,0.131951801674805,0.0,0.19663887262631446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2913403447266195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10764356210969296,0.11285377847640088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09198643736710152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08081873479084352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413976791184504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394173080339163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640580518183585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09484629145639624,0.0,0.0,0.3801629770817048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351018536056866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.273065472631748,0.0,0.13534332907677715,0.11240819354046126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10424503918876787,0.0,0.13639276384804433,0.0,0.07923601772257655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06954582987509716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097479368029749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406941060354577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13040027238883767,0.0,0.0 ptsd,corgiliciousesther,2019/08/27,"How do you deal with rage? Hi! First time poster here. For reference, I (21F) developed severe anxiety and depression when I was 19 (which also had some C-PTSD mixed in from being ostracized at school for years growing up), got put on the wrong drugs that made me suicidal, and was sent to a Christian inpatient mental health facility for seven weeks. The things that happened in that place are what really led to the development of full-blown PTSD, and especially as I’ve started therapy and started to fully grasp what happened, I can feel it kind of getting worse. The hardest part for me right now is the anger. I used to be such a nice, friendly person who never got mad. Now it’s like any minor inconvenience sends me into full-blown rage. I feel like I can’t control my emotions anymore and I’m really scared that everyone around me will start hating me for it. I hate feeling this way, but I just can’t stop being angry. Has anyone dealt with this, or have any advice?",5.806158645276295,6.574584299465244,6.199799465240643,78.36871880570412,66.96791443850267,9.441889483065957,29.487076648841356,9.516144504307137,2.5679130124777187,772,26,144,15,12,249,132,187,0.183,0.7559999999999999,0.061,-0.9707,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,0,2,9,14,6,1,7,0,15,2,0,5,1,25,32,11,1,0,3,0,3,2,1,1,2,0,0,1,14,9,0,2,5,0,0,5,3,9,0,2,7,3,15,5,22,21,2,27,1,1,0,0,8,9,0,2,14,93,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12523566524523475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248884814937348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430527128000384,0.0,0.09804142019675728,0.0,0.12709946693626084,0.08961187693676978,0.0,0.0,0.11408883952698122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14374141545018235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321264848165159,0.1103833120083372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862395835168335,0.0,0.0,0.14416182522251764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246158648740385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19440339307861085,0.09155694219677966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090121311296773,0.0,0.0,0.09901546282221736,0.0,0.06695788080286642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050012040314092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266614752760782,0.0,0.0,0.25306131031637663,0.0,0.13622721296200738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13345806196795282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522420136358464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126731275264195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915430781841786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988442586486393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387839004897726,0.0,0.0,0.11190365068719507,0.13389906346520292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996224410867335,0.12883537144787088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420410194844567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10944723755434586,0.0,0.0,0.12830969448375254,0.12970392998170358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14478339180541444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27213517694351685,0.0,0.0,0.10714681119268084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14018533938953215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14656118894784495,0.0,0.08514326300954891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473064717872087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1106883811326674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172678998454583,0.10280156195396777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306051510789139,0.0,0.1401219421121432,0.0,0.08253030861160063 ptsd,aquarae,2019/08/27,"can't cope. TW: miscarriage I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2017 due to an abusive relationship that ended in 2015. Despite an occasional depressive episode, I was mostly ""rehabilitated,"" that is, my PTSD symptoms were gone but generalized anxiety remained. In June, I found out I was pregnant. My current partner and I were so excited, even though the prospect of becoming a parent gave me a lot of anxiety (the hormones didn't help). Unfortunately, my pregnancy ended in miscarriage in July. Now, PTSD is back in full force. I am having panic attacks for the first time since 2017. I can't sleep. I cry every single day. I have meltdowns about small things. I have to force myself to shower and go to work and eat. I think I'm about to get my first period since having the miscarriage, the cramping is causing flashbacks which send me spiraling. I never liked to drink but I find myself looking for wine everywhere. I purposefully dissociate so I don't have to deal with real life. I owe hundreds of dollars in medical bills due to my miscarriage and I can't afford a therapist. It feels so fucking unfair. I felt hope for the first time this year, that I could move past my PTSD and live a happy, fulfilling life. Now that hope is gone and it was replaced with grief, anger, confusion, and anxiety. I don't know how to cope with this. I feel such a strong urge to be self destructive.",3.860582368082365,6.293644934362932,4.974734555984559,78.61736566924068,74.55984555984556,8.486550836550839,28.55228442728443,9.188382445141503,2.7755056628056627,1094,46,196,27,24,359,145,259,0.152,0.732,0.11599999999999999,-0.8824,5,0,2,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,5,12,14,4,2,13,0,24,11,1,2,1,32,41,14,1,3,2,1,3,1,1,0,6,0,1,2,10,12,3,0,7,2,3,5,7,8,0,3,12,4,31,6,30,27,4,34,0,2,1,1,8,10,1,5,20,135,41,1,0.0,0.12748107976368536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469269274721234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224035000555758,0.0,0.08273300422092729,0.0,0.0,0.11882891811620858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052848856463016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08590490821601493,0.0,0.11818675621220286,0.0693891112172274,0.11092450132457224,0.09267039727941763,0.10920545984256204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540097967106317,0.0,0.11009533603989743,0.0,0.0,0.19059237338270565,0.0,0.0,0.07106470166010756,0.0,0.09065243165410414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10880533383343886,0.0,0.1033069376806138,0.0,0.09833879988951837,0.2745577383825958,0.0,0.11797106730738327,0.0,0.09946875045503524,0.05621332882746679,0.0,0.06114804593654455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145356193354958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211786783188548,0.0,0.0,0.2137298755443728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591307482290046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15199339033261391,0.05256490441455811,0.0,0.0950073119861681,0.0,0.09035170843191988,0.0,0.0,0.09147241597357228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838945160033753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11435520039331265,0.0,0.0,0.08298298493767853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262381623516403,0.11947020136777566,0.0,0.1027104732153196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5030856593112433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224653195008294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115515494039909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224381690186423,0.0,0.0,0.1780054352164309,0.0,0.10767152038160084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11183117322944806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492471480973873,0.07148055140948202,0.06894177375058869,0.10571037932504072,0.0,0.125477640360655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07832958051315389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06928689081237491 ptsd,throwaway452097409,2019/08/27,"Just need to put this somewhere. Tw. abuse, sexual abuse, guns, hacking, violence. child abuse Alright, here goes. I haven't told many people this, but I figured it may help to put it out there in some way. I would say I have had a lot happen to me in my life. Some info, I am 22 male moved out, living happily with a wonderful girlfriend, life right now is pretty okay. I have had multiple therapists, but currently don't go to one. But I still feel like I need this. When I was a child I was abused sexually for about 5 years straight, from two separate people. One was a karate instructor, and the other was a teacher while I was 5-10 years old. During that time, my mother was a drug addict and was wasted most days when I came home from school and she would verbally abuse me, in fact she has done this my whole life up until I moved out. While I was 5-11 I was physically abused by my uncle who would slap and punch me and throw me around, just treating me like shit. Everyone was to afraid of him, or to drugged out to do anything about it. A few years later my mother got back together with my father, and we moved away from that place. But while we lived with my father he verbally and physically abused me as well, and my mother also began doing the same. That was when I was 12-16 parents then divorced after that. Through those years I became a bit of a loner, and spent a lot of time with computers and picked up hacking. I was bullied throughout middle and high school, but met someone while I was in 8th grade. We become ""boyfriends"". But then he used me. I ended being forced to hack people for monetary gain. While doing so, I was raped at gunpoint a few times by him and his ""friends"". This continued throughout highschool, which were the worst years of my life. To this day I feel like actual trash, I may have ruined other peoples lives through hacking, and I regret that everyday. I have never wanted to hurt anyone, and even now never want to. I feel so weak, and stupid. I still have pretty awful PTSD and the flashblacks honestly suck. I always feel so bad, for my girlfriend when I have those attacks. I feel like I am just placed right back into one of those memories and go through exactly the same thing as then, which I can't imagine are good for her to witness. I never had the courage to report any of this ... and honestly I don't think I ever will. I'm just to scared, and feel like that window has already passed. There are somethings I didn't mention here but I think that would be too much to write. Sorry if this was too long, or doesn't belong here.",3.699108597285069,5.144757064705885,4.248431372549021,87.89486425339369,72.47058823529412,7.191553544494723,24.44947209653093,7.702957570686157,1.0997752639517344,2013,58,411,25,39,637,242,510,0.193,0.6940000000000001,0.11199999999999999,-0.995,2,0,3,2,8,0,74.0,3,0,0,1,31,27,5,2,17,3,52,10,1,2,6,86,77,48,0,10,14,6,6,5,3,7,8,1,2,3,27,33,0,0,12,0,1,10,9,13,1,4,28,7,63,14,57,40,13,74,0,3,0,1,31,21,2,11,47,300,90,6,0.0,0.5346763300198222,0.06291006389631415,0.07027806685880994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07114045287000069,0.05155388535499038,0.05364134286743055,0.0,0.0,0.04383947197476015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04507651821113745,0.0,0.05305048660504734,0.05738890678803906,0.0,0.0733400195684115,0.06056845595088646,0.09914161189445304,0.05382688547118316,0.0,0.07119825148773527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038078766573129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07373257143076987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315119701962022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06597167397742873,0.0,0.0,0.14952148742466645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057098238151405224,0.0,0.0,0.04257955538860588,0.058313694994853726,0.0,0.061600561467530277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19557738076612585,0.18421969557456147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04980670493308799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327566423378623,0.054071492576884456,0.05155979777851991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05700756678299811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04321057678596717,0.06811246091111567,0.06466521673231694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06901278663119753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18213855349237335,0.15747552629724662,0.0,0.17077546272069222,0.057050877635261385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10961432923773773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06535897419187081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055532553592153,0.047390339781982906,0.09560227591319606,0.1491617577049172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06764681108318021,0.0,0.13105262995217593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158248662968357,0.0,0.0,0.17877198455796692,0.0,0.1347076699889294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13117133689587718,0.0,0.0,0.07535795970238078,0.1296133987106721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010818131302487,0.0,0.05126639662094612,0.06454227361115736,0.13048720240513936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06617399821891365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05462230773677405,0.04962950803035334,0.0,0.0721650368246355,0.0,0.0,0.10296615740824784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07485064581130914,0.042828718433312894,0.08261513818891568,0.0,0.0,0.11277291003039425,0.0,0.0,0.061600561467530277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297446251262352,0.0,0.0,0.05567841003272997,0.0,0.0,0.07604809562384635,0.051170555266178176,0.0,0.0,0.057963180253079526,0.0,0.0,0.07197461286378926,0.0,0.0,0.06991123519345596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318078053420944,0.0,0.0,0.20757175757665314 ptsd,KawaiiTerrorizer,2019/08/27,"I have a problem with creating memories I have PTSD that came from a tragic car crash about 4 years ago. I have been to therapy and on meds (still). I feel ok. I have noticed something though, I have a problem creating memories of ""exciting"" events, for example if i try to remember ""x"" concert i went to (that was fun, and looked forward to it, had an amazing time) , i can't really remember how it went, as if i have blank moments in my memory, i often have to look for videos of such event to try to recall the feeling. I can look at the pictures and I can't quite ""replay"" the memory on my head. Mind you, I don't get drugged or drunk during such events. Do you have something similar happen to you? How do you deal with it? Have any tips?",2.2058307692307686,3.9391998600000018,4.09266666666667,86.27146153846157,77.06666666666666,8.082051282051282,26.205128205128197,8.841846274778883,2.017497435897436,569,22,120,13,13,193,87,150,0.092,0.8009999999999999,0.107,0.3049,0,0,3,0,0,0,27.0,0,4,0,1,8,7,0,0,7,1,18,3,1,2,0,19,28,10,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,5,6,1,0,4,3,0,5,3,3,0,0,6,6,20,4,21,22,0,17,0,1,3,0,5,5,0,4,9,84,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841838667362769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10618799382258097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785950762390869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098476254292227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18108551572125167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790921411786735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08158242124125092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13808376051788648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16025591395511568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39338238586350655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17344849259560655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15766793573910334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17777888011577975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2988307218098525,0.1825320926302625,0.0,0.0,0.16608574565579387,0.0,0.0,0.10003429061725863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3537771503559113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2404252448651317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12470234236736312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17857220854352054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341750569758122,0.0,0.09105286882832034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21203247644363896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895069715205413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005560857301476 ptsd,arinyblack,2019/08/27,"Flashbacks and horrible anger keeping me stuck. I left an abusive ex almost 5 years ago. He gaslighted, belittled, insulted, beat and stole money from me. Since then, I fell into 2 more less than ideal situations, on a smaller scale within a few years. A toxic friendship that I left since I was better at recognizing the signs, and a bad job situation that messed with my confidence and made my anxiety spiral. Now, my life is fantastic, at least on paper. I am close to my family, have great friends that I don't beg to stay in my life (door is open, just a matter of who chooses to stay), have an amazing job that will fast track my career, a wonderful puppy, and live in a beautiful apartment in a nice part of town. This is far more accomplished than I thought I would be at this age. But I keep getting debilitating flashbacks during work. I'll be sitting there, perfectly fine, but suddenly I'm transported to being beat up at the hands of my ex or being a helpless passenger as he drove drunk. If I tried to drive, I got hit. Then, after the flashback ends, I get SO ANGRY. I fucking HATE my ex, I HATE my ex-friend, I HATE my old job. I blame myself for getting into all of these situations. My therapist is not very helpful and I'm working on getting a new one. But I look at my life and how great it is and I'm so MAD that these people tried to bring me down and I almost didn't have all of this if I had listened to these horrid people. I'm proud of who I have become, but falling asleep either means I don't or I make up a fantasy in my mind of me getting revenge on my awful abusive POS ex. I'd never act on it because I'm afraid of him, but it helps me feel powerful. I've turned to the gym to clear my head as well, and try to stay away from alcohol when I feel this way because I know it could be a slippery slope to something worse if I self medicate. I guess all I want from you lovely people are some good mantras and helpful anecdotes on what helps you cope with this feeling. I just want someone to say ""it was never your fault, you never deserved it"". Reading this back, I can tell myself that all these people felt threatened by how far my star could rise and attempted to hold me back and belittle me as a way of maintaining false control. But I am tenacious, I am strong, and I rose above. By definition, I'm already better than the people that tried to kick me down. What mantras or calming down techniques work? I'll pick my favorites to repeat in the mornings before starting my day.",4.560411255411257,5.174686325396831,5.514379509379507,82.7296103896104,69.67460317460318,8.331313131313133,29.95526695526696,8.391295532112219,2.088639682539682,1964,74,396,28,33,647,253,504,0.183,0.664,0.153,-0.9857,4,0,2,0,0,0,59.0,0,4,0,15,12,28,7,1,21,1,29,11,3,6,9,76,69,36,0,9,16,4,5,0,1,2,5,2,1,1,27,20,2,4,9,4,1,8,7,12,1,1,10,8,65,16,64,49,12,69,0,1,1,2,24,33,1,11,22,263,92,10,0.0,0.1808809488194883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06766336547989144,0.08157527571917589,0.1528701599640001,0.0,0.08423382824771511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05839347168619589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171605900681159,0.11738859076114433,0.06373370484686698,0.09306208029373478,0.08430226468075422,0.06495257687001504,0.0,0.0,0.13501820965187653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856123897060965,0.12188915669029494,0.0,0.0,0.04922757282092168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760714883951449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07195864729324204,0.0,0.11578666452050985,0.0,0.0732903146958918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11794722298394385,0.07056734220304642,0.19940057523560745,0.0,0.0,0.06402333180450617,0.061049360460203185,0.16831173601525595,0.08408787262638183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2260849816716505,0.07833825214150532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465387309946312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2272420302653045,0.1356940819821306,0.0,0.0,0.041949855868397716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658690322765938,0.0,0.16174581774380511,0.0,0.0,0.0674022088952474,0.0,0.06409932665664055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0688922569889406,0.07222681372292761,0.050951941496563666,0.0,0.0,0.08314749919450705,0.0,0.07689606521938938,0.0,0.0,0.07707316503789008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17661492684904764,0.0737215432836848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800971829164317,0.0,0.051724273496802683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265969370379855,0.0,0.2645936319501043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07635226506440965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060701958922572935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07963051512414955,0.0,0.0,0.12628459092384445,0.2573997788649629,0.0,0.0,0.06467552430121634,0.058763801561491816,0.0,0.0,0.05402790547701849,0.2440780157221789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0667171904093658,0.0,0.0,0.08862688089745231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060598770942336275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20729660693185728,0.08302687103479124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298157122657401,0.09004472092763649,0.12117695600020785,0.0,0.0,0.06863128323137431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277837348930457,0.1667109606003801,0.0,0.07778843040311388,0.05422378472202452,0.0,0.0,0.09831010667721654 ptsd,DaviLean,2019/08/27,"Is this PTSD or something else? So, I had this friend for four years, and we started dating for almost one. She was my best friend, and I never ever loved someone like this before. I still love her more than anyone else in this world, and she's the only one that really makes me happy or loved. I can't picture me loving someone like I love her. We break up six months ago, and every day to me is hell. I got more depressed, lazy, unmotivated, hopeless, etc. The only thing I think all day is the relationship we had, and our breakup. It makes me suffer like nothing else, and it's the reason I want to die. I try to fight my own thoughts, but I just can't stop thinking about it, and cannot focus without this disturbing me. I feel guilt, shame, and lost all the interests I had. I hate going to places I used to go with her, or doing things I used to do with her. It makes me feel a ... Incomparable despair. I'm stuck in the past, and just can't escape from the good and bad moments we had. Today I couldnt sleep very well because all I had in mind was our lastest days.",3.5872424242424223,4.2580493,4.504545454545454,88.89015151515154,71.9090909090909,6.957575757575757,24.21212121212121,6.742157984588678,0.6229939393939392,826,21,183,6,15,268,125,220,0.21,0.6509999999999999,0.14,-0.9453,0,0,1,0,1,2,35.0,6,0,0,2,7,27,3,3,8,0,17,6,1,6,5,44,41,15,1,2,7,0,2,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,12,16,0,1,6,0,0,2,7,12,1,4,11,2,37,15,18,29,8,24,1,5,0,5,21,6,1,4,18,125,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455841757759426,0.0,0.10681674136741998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07458764187677444,0.10929821532092446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08906678279944846,0.06502634761545929,0.0,0.0907701359939143,0.0,0.11194583179008012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063841203043102,0.0,0.09187655952189784,0.0,0.1107088419469859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26733266009539525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11896763574084095,0.0,0.09649105945616136,0.08987588029389977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787328018143932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648292644613999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124847301986195,0.08947153161157066,0.08531545657386103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355447862736565,0.0,0.10531665573785258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634386096280373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644524391858085,0.0,0.4813788641771852,0.0,0.21361344915010352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.107708454523231,0.0,0.0851446859637781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08227213197266317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023547971296035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14456760811467126,0.1622579415120922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183062966090813,0.0,0.0,0.1114496842915704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469402549056692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0683369056061059,0.10967672810725068,0.0,0.11452595948044292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674917925867723,0.0,0.18076591935828945,0.08212142637436165,0.0,0.0,0.07550309108489385,0.0,0.08518851032616367,0.08918268710203547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14173646232311965,0.13670240261175626,0.0,0.08468576528546053,0.0,0.0,0.10111271768785217,0.0,0.0,0.0724233822159877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426096214163096,0.0,0.08801568868910678,0.06291799308049326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591106638949357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282813820037633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869336200875738 ptsd,webstbre000,2019/08/27,"Car accident guilt Just over a year ago, I caused a car accident. I was driving to a campsite with my boyfriend. We were waiting to turn left into the park, and we were arguing. I don't remember what I was thinking or why I did this, but I turned. We were t-boned. I found out after that there were vehicles in front of me waiting to turn, but I don't even remember that. No one was injured. I can't get over it. It has made me feel suicidal before. I can't stand the idea that I could have killed my boyfriend and someone else. I've been getting better, but today I rear ended someone. Absolutely no damage to their car, minimal to mine. Barely touched them after sliding during a storm. It made me feel terrible again and brought back guilt from the first accident. I feel like I mess everything up and I'm too stupid to drive. I'm terrified I'll hurt someone one day and can't trust myself. What can I do to feel better?",1.7013734871939228,3.9263294385026763,3.203501266535324,89.62494230227979,80.81818181818181,6.717590768364763,24.815367295243448,7.85451343220497,1.4173379679144382,723,28,151,13,19,237,108,187,0.311,0.638,0.051,-0.9956,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,3,0,2,3,6,13,3,2,7,0,19,1,0,3,0,31,37,9,2,1,5,0,5,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,11,0,2,9,0,0,8,7,9,0,3,13,5,27,4,18,23,0,26,0,2,0,0,6,7,0,1,11,100,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204711325369922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450216579989162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564471322450265,0.0,0.0,0.24039295879706984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13961135034754027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10850867856124184,0.0,0.0,0.08764715452331659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353076454700975,0.0,0.1203710417081426,0.0,0.0,0.08976363550842607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214219462954715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27486957939570256,0.09709019655154252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560029183953205,0.0,0.14901226120624686,0.0,0.0,0.14200897609386776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548856999670098,0.15341962960898453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035818495509193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766062868329138,0.0,0.0,0.0663960702033363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25719223355289184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841848026215839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3079065938658757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3454543062437601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865745653367946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0870821111703356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12882156793447713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4434751854400433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263266583226112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751803732520902 ptsd,whycincy,2019/08/27,My cat died I have PTSD ptsd is absolutely real but it’s been hijacked anyone feeling their life isn’t going the way that want suddenly says they have and I just went through this r/reddit and it proves it so much me me me I have ptsd bullpoo. If you have the last thing you do is wave it like a flag. I came here to investigate and the omg the bullshitter here. Anyone with ptsd would run from this site,0.7128571428571426,3.0763331428571448,1.87409523809524,96.58757142857144,86.61904761904762,5.2647619047619045,17.923809523809524,6.742157984588678,-0.15563904761904726,320,8,73,4,10,101,59,84,0.027999999999999997,0.892,0.08,0.4854,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,2,2,0,4,1,0,0,5,0,10,1,0,0,1,13,15,6,1,3,3,0,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,3,2,12,1,4,11,1,8,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,3,49,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2418452577540152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977955868176948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17948287238086366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744290808037643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828494195531123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096796938572456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221515856936319,0.08448902168734249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271297051597944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8086234656666967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19684188814747006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13752764628844905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489266318510236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10200361528425944,0.13727054150232984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16031573357336107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12285055734665093,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,xpizzacrust,2019/09/20,"When people call you crazy for how you coped I have a friend I was close while I was experiencing my trauma. I coped by drinking A LOT. Everytime we talk at some point she will mention how crazy I was back then. It used to be something we laughed about but now after treatment and therapy and knowing how much pain I was in at the time it makes me so angry. I keep her at a distance and learned I can’t have her visit, we only talk in the phone every few months. I just ended a convo with her that went really well until at the end she said “and you so crazy and that’s what I needed crazy.” And it makes me want to cry. I wasn’t crazy I was hurting. It’s not funny it’s tragic.",0.8669852216748808,2.7127101862068983,2.6906650246305444,94.21905172413796,81.6206896551724,5.246305418719213,18.633004926108374,6.1826913282559595,-0.2648719211822659,527,12,121,4,14,175,87,145,0.23,0.6940000000000001,0.076,-0.9773,0,0,2,0,0,0,10.0,3,3,0,0,11,7,0,0,7,0,11,2,0,6,0,27,20,16,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,8,11,1,1,2,1,0,2,3,4,1,0,8,2,26,3,14,10,4,21,0,2,0,0,19,8,0,2,11,90,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880658244422396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976077449246076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125749868231902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895780253457384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428063563034484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16305075189441284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149514727515044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716945644325385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201137237223582,0.0,0.0,0.10635470867021056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16452560543547454,0.0,0.0,0.2583550661555882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15446752811554895,0.0,0.14226104193938335,0.14349421681460894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471823100807057,0.20592120432012886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341638871433915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829409768796564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12397524012868398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840838739770768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489828002039626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.311091535871948,0.0,0.0,0.2213094359732771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128443177608643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714099669308086,0.0,0.0,0.11414437383995442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17399964749901098,0.17939696523921214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Linus_Oredsson,2019/09/20,"Don't know if I have PTSD or not Some background first: My sister has had a very bad childhood. She got massively bullied by her classmates in school, had a very hard time studying school and in turn got bad grades. Our parents started getting very mad at her and screaming at her rather harshly. Me and my sister didn't have a good relation to eachother at that time either. All of this made my sister very depressed and she started thinking of self harm. After a few years of this torture she apparently (based of what I've heard from her and believe in myself) got diagnosed with PTSD. After a while she started meeting other people who understood and respected her for who she was. This is also around the time I opened up to her a little more. I guess I opened up to her because I also started to feel affected by my parents towards my sister and me (although still mostly my sister). I started getting worse mental health as well, got worse grades, started feeling more and more disconnected from my friends and other classmates. I also started having some self harming thoughts of my own. My sister helped me through some of it, so I wouldn't really say I have the same self harming thoughts anymore. One day I was sitting in the living room downstairs and my dad walks up stairs into my sisters room and starts screaming on her about something (can't remember what exactly). A few seconds into their argument I hear a big bang of someone hitting the floor and my dad saying something along the lines of ""Ridicilous"" in a sighing tone. Worried I go into her room to check what happend. She's lying on the floor clearly unconscious but with wide open eyes. Not knowing what to do I try to get contact with her but nothing. I had stuff to do that day so I'm forced to leave her there. Layter the same day she tells me that she had got an anxiety attack during that interaction with our dad. She also said she had had enough of our parents and our town and she was escaping to her boyfreind in Stockholm;Sweden which is at least 500 kilometers away from our home. Now I'm alone with my parents without anyone to talk to. My parents started acting like nothing was wrong anymore and that almost all problems were fixed. I get increassingly uncomfterable around my parents and try to avoid them as much as possible. They keep acting like nothing is wrong even though I actively try making it clear to them that I don't want to see them. I am currently having guilt thoughts over the smallest of things, having trouble controlling my emotions like I want to and I've decided to ignore my parents as much as possible because they won't leave me alone. I have recently tried to figure out exactly what is wrong with me and I'm suspecting it could be a type of trauma or PTSD from my parents. I want to resolve my emotianal instability but I don't know how. Anyone got any tips?",5.8062904662904655,6.984338201465199,5.725574695574696,80.29645233145236,67.16849816849815,8.1005049005049,33.438075438075444,8.27314431278463,2.628978081378081,2302,102,409,30,37,720,248,546,0.142,0.7879999999999999,0.069,-0.983,10,3,2,0,0,0,43.0,5,0,6,3,17,29,3,2,19,0,35,3,1,5,6,88,81,39,0,8,11,18,3,3,1,2,2,7,4,3,24,34,0,4,15,0,1,4,10,20,2,3,25,12,82,8,78,51,19,67,0,1,2,0,69,37,0,9,28,302,106,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055809330958678606,0.11544677740557005,0.0,0.17828113816699945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03790088228308458,0.0,0.04263618992651783,0.0,0.11054586930663056,0.07794071112148636,0.0,0.0,0.09922976270246386,0.0,0.06340522189459358,0.052363721907608615,0.0,0.09307075829211332,0.06794959120915757,0.0,0.0,0.06279288567096462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251017454807517,0.04449888904155567,0.0,0.0,0.10783103404231097,0.0,0.04800342392083385,0.05656861454349695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269300208019657,0.0,0.057587894367411824,0.0,0.036811636722694815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056361348588007634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04740712565986591,0.0,0.0,0.04305978095867848,0.0,0.11647440101372905,0.0,0.03167479213639362,0.04674685124417245,0.2674523763336025,0.0,0.061397043270211775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049926520559327774,0.0,0.0,0.05924240299000121,0.06281602181189061,0.0,0.0373571785967682,0.0,0.05590552661292871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04953874537881155,0.0,0.0,0.09188948544488773,0.0,0.0,0.11802805354468895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168613054593785,0.05585989036680388,0.049213949726574516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052736651182977164,0.037202731607510565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05616654253807047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194148371432984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043419809724974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037766652417451085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4950861453521339,0.0,0.0,0.0386387862184213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12566292788019334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05332970141995442,0.1954494224805721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035704487263327034,0.0,0.05503038497901348,0.0,0.06313550923886645,0.0,0.05301558865283243,0.0886434793068255,0.0,0.11281112374377032,0.04441260759211619,0.0,0.17442746605434126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722305179117568,0.08581317506327532,0.0,0.0,0.35503791356443704,0.0,0.04450906951295357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06380184507205766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04479670202186975,0.04871378117307288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03702704760246482,0.035711956443061035,0.054758156871516216,0.1327391898068178,0.09749644772737356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135831539125194,0.06062234938637325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394482500491696,0.09861968416561646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05011136249063362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05372537603398487,0.0,0.0,0.05660036000298909,0.11359496864910383,0.0,0.18280842091361726,0.0,0.03589072766996411 ptsd,kelseyiam,2019/09/20,"PCL-5 Scores in Cognitive Processing Therapy - Help Me Understand & Support Tips Wanted for Loved Ones w PTSD Hello! My loved one is currently undergoing Cognitive Processing Therapy and they're using something called ay PCL-5 to asses the amount of PTSD symptoms they're experiencing and document it as it decreases over time. As I'm not in sessions with them, I'd love to hear an explanation of what the PCL-5 is (everything that turned up on Google was totally inaccessible to the everyman; it was mostly studies and research articles), maybe even how it was created and any useful info for supporting a loved one with PTSD. Thank you all!",8.52417193426043,9.684247460176994,8.666776232616941,61.67831858407085,61.12389380530973,13.536788874841974,39.15170670037927,12.785403640627713,5.918068015170671,525,26,80,20,7,172,82,113,0.0,0.7509999999999999,0.249,0.9851,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,1,0,2,7,0,0,5,0,5,6,1,3,2,16,19,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,3,2,4,7,16,16,4,7,0,0,0,5,10,5,1,1,2,49,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615625173581745,0.0,0.0917317041226457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774059235649727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890953973813862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123291693697726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203394696649916,0.0,0.09041577523974932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4869839386342847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355179106809909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27422048062506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4730472620668149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103847038783084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061494165090903,0.0,0.14020522968152332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419113223178573,0.3085232597201254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865705455206931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14672459009252012,0.0,0.14042812293889814,0.0,0.2330080726374751,0.0,0.0,0.0795632462324554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tierannical,2019/09/20,"How did you get yourself to put your phone down and actually follow sleep hygiene? I get scared when I even think of practicing proper sleep hygiene because I’ll start thinking about dying or how I’m wasting my time every day etc etc. I have trauma from a near death medical experience, and now I feel like I’m living on borrowed time. How did you personally get yourself to even start on the road to sleeping well?",8.234250000000003,7.268209925000002,8.140000000000004,72.32500000000003,62.25,10.5,37.5,9.516144504307137,3.4956250000000004,334,14,60,5,4,108,56,80,0.152,0.7929999999999999,0.055,-0.8426,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,3,0,0,9,4,0,1,2,0,3,4,3,3,0,9,14,7,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,2,0,2,1,0,2,1,8,2,10,12,2,14,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,8,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.16720322072958474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444733416153283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050018938238054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17782397187450413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3821790046740077,0.22633703917206704,0.0,0.1443614234284189,0.0,0.0,0.16760349462181456,0.0,0.0,0.08663470235819326,0.12240540111617568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685543901176362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08370811775484059,0.0,0.1512964467049701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1726071240687126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1496075657407911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17224412416629187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154132983845005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5143915169633357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2425508082172442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21957563433687333,0.0,0.0,0.1998195794683164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15405532631500296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,philadrew,2019/09/20,"Progress in the past two years Hey all, Posting here just to keep myself accountable for my own therapeutic journey. I got mugged by three assailants back in December 2017. I struggled all through 2018 with serious self loathing, weight gain, terrible habits and just all around depression. I didn't get help until September 2018 in the form of Talk therapy. In may of this year I joined a BJJ/Judo gym to get some of my confidence back. I'm feeling the best I have since the attack, but there are still days that I get freaked out at the loss of control. I hope everyone finds their own ways to health here.",5.62141304347826,6.938582913043482,4.9971195652173925,84.83915760869569,67.69565217391305,9.228260869565217,31.76630434782609,9.516144504307137,2.7654565217391305,485,20,95,10,8,146,86,115,0.156,0.73,0.114,-0.473,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,5,9,9,1,1,6,0,4,2,0,1,3,17,12,3,0,1,3,0,2,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,4,1,2,2,1,1,1,1,7,0,2,2,2,11,2,19,9,8,18,0,2,0,0,5,7,0,3,8,62,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16693826428327235,0.0,0.21333836545225102,0.0,0.28839247050015704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19679739957441367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21032681636839085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12093902184616015,0.0,0.16151622357551285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17918952260661994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481898827228416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17139574292761553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939244306715895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998200226627353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19933180646163906,0.0,0.0,0.1256950008469555,0.0,0.0,0.1862560395587008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16668209099938602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17901517898290958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17959846527991782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19563094534954567,0.0,0.0,0.15512378556760084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497588345874678,0.0,0.0,0.19604332181366846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15072662631612255,0.0,0.0,0.21445279481924925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18318605553609274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488497369377914,0.0,0.2283566494894683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415217216251049 ptsd,______flatline______,2019/09/20,"Advice needed. Recent accident. On 9/14 I was struck from behind and run over. The car was going around 50mphs. Luckily only my legs were run over. I was completely alert and remember it all. Sleeping is becoming an issue... becoming scared to sleep because of the nightmares. The nightmares aren't always about the accident. When I wake from them it takes a good 30 minutes to pull myself together. Uncontrollable tears (not quite like crying), shaking, can't focus, and fear... Jesus Christ the fear... I'm mostly fine when awake unless I start talking about the accident or think about it too much. I'm afraid of returning to work because I know absolutely everyone is going to ask me what happened. It's only been a few days and I don't want to explain it ever again. I'm barely able to type this. Should I seek therapy now (as soon as I'm able to move about without horrific pain) or should I give it more time to see if my brain mellows out? How do I get the message across to people (co-workers and such) that I don't want to talk about the accident without seeming like a high dick? Will this be... forever?",3.2435915492957754,5.575365131455399,4.296833333333336,83.22525000000002,76.08920187793427,7.452488262910798,26.142957746478878,8.395991825355821,1.9877926760563376,875,33,161,17,20,284,135,213,0.136,0.775,0.08900000000000001,-0.8102,0,0,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,1,2,15,11,0,6,12,0,16,7,6,1,2,28,36,14,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,3,1,0,0,0,10,7,0,0,5,0,0,8,7,7,0,0,5,1,15,4,31,27,5,26,2,0,1,1,7,7,1,5,13,107,25,2,0.25644903976111594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12529951681245666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669307239274714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414700787057615,0.11987261705047915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15632895436444605,0.283227816238368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14314097058148098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444096952118487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408486141291926,0.08269420757309684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598641922426815,0.0,0.1225240236869539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2885764668082732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699201936570114,0.12300464341428195,0.14574589916668265,0.10754864370467172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338851946239745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354762452684646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383308497917604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704688427654603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12528804708593153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628237215466582,0.09425977581456066,0.0950768567644418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1950410507746434,0.13643992965375734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889473711245979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638256036110324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12660624426071146,0.0,0.14525338514838107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12837511334878998,0.0,0.10217834106025167,0.11673078712308865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566342441906493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075797513944084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0964088812117871,0.20612402404301045,0.0,0.0,0.1466359133611333,0.0,0.0,0.08216109486027308,0.0,0.0,0.07476874869662732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15126028801661598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24720772292439086,0.0,0.1866979552394148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway3451230,2019/09/20,"[TW: sexual trauma, minimizing of trauma] I (22F) keep telling myself nothing really happened to me, that I shouldn't be affected like this. But I'm being eaten up inside. Hi y'all; I just really need some listening ears right now. I feel horrible. Not sure if this was the most appropriate sub to post in, so I'll move this post if needed. *Tl;dr: I experienced a few betrayals and close-calls that left me feeling wounded, but nothing ever physically happened to me, and I feel weak for not being able to get over it.* So, I started wondering a few weeks ago if it was possible I have PTSD from a cluster of minor things that happened to me over the course of a few months. I relate to a lot of the symptoms, albiet not with the intensity that would probably warrant a formal diagnosis--for example, my ""flashbacks"" are usually just emotional and easy to push through, and although I have constant nightmares, they aren't the kind that wake me up screaming in the middle of the night. But I keep telling myself that I can't possibly have PTSD because nothing has ever ""really happened"" to me; I just had a few bad experiences that I should be able to brush off, but I can't. Here are some of the things that happened to me within the last several months *Biggest one: an uncle, who I already had a strained relationship with, confessed to having sexual and romantic feelings to me over text. I wasn't surprised; over the past 2 years before his confession, he had made ambiguous comments that could be interpreted as flirting, probably to test the waters with me. He had done the same thing over text (I have a folder of weird texts he's sent me on my phone, just in case I ever need them). After he confessed, I immediately cut him off and told my dad (my uncle's brother), and my whole immediately family cut him off. *There was also a period of time after we cut my uncle off that we worried about him stalking me/my family. He has a history of doing that when women reject him. He did end up finding ways to get 2 letters to my dad, one through email and one by taping it on our front door in the middle of the night. He initially accused me of leading him on and insisted there was a mutual attraction; I was obviously horrified. Thankfully he never came to our home or my workplace to try and confront me, but I worried about it for a few weeks. Haven't heard from him since, but I dread the day a funeral or a medical emergency in our extended family will force our paths to cross again. *Around this time (a month or two before that incident), I got high with a coworker (who is about 10 years my senior) and he maybe, sort of, came onto me. I'm still not sure. I was extremely high and he kept talking about sex, making ""jokes"" about us having sex, and bringing up how our coworkers already thought we were sleeping together. I was at his house, and he was my ride home. I was *extremely* out of it and really uncomfortable. He never made any physical move towards me, and once I didn't reciprocate, he seemed to get the hint and dropped it. He's never made any similar insinuations again. But the thought that he'd been harboring those feelings for me and wasn't telling me, and the thought that he might've actually fucked me while I was *that* high if I had shown any interest...Jesus. I'll admit, I kind of nursed a crush on him when we first worked together, but part of the appeal was that he was older and unobtainable; it was just a bit of fun for me. But I got so worried that I'd lead him on somehow, and I felt sick and stupid and for agreeing to go to his house in the first place knowing what the connotations were. *Around this same time, I got into a brief but extremely stressful fling with another guy I met through my job. I work in retail usually never give out my number to customers, but I made an exception for him and felt like an idiot afterwards. Long story short, we went on 2 dates (neither of which went great) and he became extremely attached very quickly. Red flags all around, but I was horny and desperate, so I agreed to hook up with him one day. As soon as we started kissing I panicked; I felt like I was making a huge mistake. I backed out, and although he said it was okay, he seemed upset. He later had a very entitled attitude about the whole thing and felt like I had lead him on, which pissed me off. I was stupid though, and I didn't immediately break it off because 1) he had a minor medical emergency right afterwards and it felt unconscionable to break up with him then, and 2) it sounded like he didn't really have anyone else in his life, and while I know he wasn't my responsiblity, I was scared he'd hurt himself or worse if I was too harsh with him. I ended up ghosting him and he ghosted me in return, which I'm still not proud of. I just feel like I strung him along and then left him in the lurch, even if he was shitty to me, too. I feel so stupid because nobody ever raped me or even tried to, and my physical boundaries were never violated, and yet, here I am: I have near constant nightmares about my uncle. I avoid going to the campus where my friends live because I'm worried about running into the guy I had the fling with, and everytime I see a guy who looks anything like him, I can feel the anxiety flood my body. I'm constantly paranoid about the motives of my male friends, peers, colleagues, acquaintances. I'm in a good relationship now with a great guy, but sometimes I'll get set off for no reason during sex, and even though we've had tons of conversations about boundaries and he's proven time and again he respects my boundaries, I often end up crying during or after sex and he has to comfort me. I can't even articulate what's wrong to him, and that's the worst part. I wasn't raped, or assaulted, or molested; I don't know why I'm being so affected by this. I am currently in therapy for depression, anxiety, and burnout (and I'll be talking with my therapist about this at our next session!), and I'm about to start psychiatric meds. I have a support system. I just really needed to vent. Because this fucking sucks.",5.225335243615447,5.901063598154366,6.147738167872398,78.55884990848081,68.21979865771812,9.6150265841541,31.08454632615707,9.70415907336062,2.8417153403643343,4787,186,930,102,77,1586,448,1192,0.182,0.7490000000000001,0.068,-0.9994,2,1,0,0,0,0,168.0,13,1,2,10,63,63,17,6,59,1,82,23,5,14,13,191,163,93,3,15,40,3,13,7,2,4,7,6,3,6,50,73,2,4,30,1,1,19,26,35,0,7,69,24,152,28,150,80,20,165,3,3,3,9,107,67,4,25,78,653,202,12,0.08995183478657323,0.0,0.043890007521765605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03986843707757765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926408648105277,0.035967224890059914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175549835207786,0.0471611709093396,0.06881290740272968,0.0,0.0,0.03144820718355272,0.04608314237744115,0.03701134781815523,0.1201143057847306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03458370427773839,0.03755301237806975,0.1370845089578744,0.0,0.07654238613768917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049102053132991916,0.049958105129151484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10288093555362646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14580896614429792,0.0,0.03590961031483283,0.0,0.04940393335014531,0.058011491907716324,0.0,0.03873769174698041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04602597879832165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03757160779842328,0.05059185347446506,0.1195059397527444,0.0,0.0,0.11882467704114602,0.16273316880837108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04399507741254926,0.12719787649274458,0.0,0.18192940167326505,0.032130804372377184,0.2159196693162856,0.0,0.04110717369001975,0.07651298471754309,0.0,0.0,0.06949656442093262,0.08315902179563177,0.09399224210183472,0.04314499821363922,0.05112170065005568,0.03772366564154127,0.10791404930297027,0.09917221541007004,0.0,0.17813291729205336,0.19886027607817575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14255857822566842,0.09022902451524227,0.0,0.0,0.10379234017918587,0.04814764978356236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04463165811493528,0.07995332379545889,0.0,0.09367099376894017,0.07415276393248726,0.03666137553125853,0.0,0.0,0.09773293169112823,0.0,0.03176782055077574,0.15381072991914632,0.0,0.039714559055276634,0.039802271583476434,0.03776844313611385,0.0,0.0,0.03823691661374605,0.0,0.1702292020388626,0.06004354820748195,0.0,0.045184354195730386,0.0,0.049958105129151484,0.0906170101344906,0.0,0.04771234086898723,0.0,0.0,0.10769804450412084,0.0956045648351656,0.0,0.13339629143736811,0.17344100085530095,0.0,0.04783239838841849,0.0844137034427979,0.0,0.12946681723817538,0.0,0.0,0.04789788416869844,0.1219073824463278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740907133154976,0.042934602283023066,0.0,0.0,0.046990261039935366,0.0,0.0,0.10140717821032884,0.08614899274179158,0.0,0.09698329184740367,0.0,0.105148881222363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1728763461379434,0.046242733808762655,0.0,0.09657460702635867,0.0,0.07681837541925837,0.04278239682246527,0.0,0.04502873942290685,0.0,0.035839983110794615,0.08188877203504978,0.0,0.05080998476850216,0.0,0.037204543636032886,0.0,0.045008398462942086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04448233233319037,0.0,0.09550255746223402,0.0,0.07183565145607926,0.0,0.051519761416247006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051038138069167065,0.08477853975010748,0.046747199142823735,0.0,0.07229987748650496,0.11793280258661032,0.04140778203066645,0.051433881229290865,0.052220506612136,0.11952000413058345,0.0,0.08837722096739745,0.10711756365463676,0.10490327647508857,0.0,0.0,0.04297641646988205,0.0,0.061071391226573075,0.0,0.043934936036841794,0.0,0.05410049088547609,0.0,0.0990692377179139,0.0742196842171519,0.0,0.03569978977015579,0.07215393605475676,0.0,0.0,0.08338625203602272,0.04058376989099712,0.10042801117399466,0.0,0.0,0.048774463868832316,0.06548600704580702,0.18270090918346515,0.04583430222387822,0.03194960129408005,0.04917410523176242,0.0,0.05792603241580354 ptsd,jackify01,2019/09/20,"PTSD and undiagnosed ADHD until now Hi everyone! I recently had an extremely traumatic event happen and I sought out a psychiatrist because my life was completely messed up. After being in therapy and dealing with the initial trauma, I’ve been diagnosed with ADHD. I’m female, 35, and ADHD has been under diagnosed my whole life. I’ve learned that PTSD can eliminate the coping skills I’ve learned to deal with and function in society in regards to ADHD. Just wondering if anyone out there has experienced the same?? I can’t find many people that do..",5.085055555555557,7.701677750000003,6.4433333333333325,68.65722222222222,71.5,10.044444444444443,32.111111111111114,10.25414643259724,4.224577777777776,445,21,67,14,9,150,69,100,0.10300000000000001,0.897,0.0,-0.879,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,5,0,10,4,0,0,0,17,13,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,10,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,4,1,5,0,14,8,2,12,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,2,5,47,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6822570037742091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992360853328768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08651513868093462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880390097677132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29263342249234364,0.0,0.2880983649867435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13561381439692838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12971534346255684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255023233027678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004892763912501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14388797088971347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839176038189884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331801532873905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14013215689465214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16230168533551192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15845231857741418,0.0,0.0,0.15390978666294713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,carsandbands,2019/09/20,Does anyone else have repressed memories to the point where they can’t remember something until just suddenly pops into your brain during a conversation? This would be every good memory I had during my childhood and then in the last five years as I moved across the country and back five times. I don’t really think as I don’t have any thoughts anymore.,7.372727272727275,8.063559151515154,6.935909090909089,74.72386363636366,63.54545454545455,10.236363636363636,31.65151515151515,10.125756701596842,3.180315151515152,288,10,49,6,4,90,53,66,0.038,0.915,0.047,0.1531,0,0,1,0,0,0,3.0,0,1,1,0,3,2,0,1,4,0,8,1,1,0,0,9,10,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,2,2,0,7,1,7,6,0,14,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,0,8,35,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573981206648806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25629100335408744,0.18069877400890533,0.26478989029417616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19871507864340784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2884909678452354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2261519687465089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21588332292179785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177366246396359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167570345985712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106532042768775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746679254963127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442978664695074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555550962431947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927483968707602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989503983813499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16559014291419755,0.0,0.20516286046916374,0.1506913680160407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835797427248249,0.0,0.0,0.16641907406108178 ptsd,makeupandjustice,2019/09/20,"I opened up to a therapist which has caused my nightmares and debilitating panic attacks to resurface. Has this happened to anyone else? I just started seeing a psychologist who works with CPTSD. For the last fifteen years, up until a few months ago, I was having the same 2 awful nightmares over and over again every single night. I opened up and told her some of the more difficult experiences which led to my CPTSD, though I was ok but now realize I’m not. My nightmares started back up last night and I had a very debilitating panic attack today that I couldn’t get myself out of. Has this happened to anyone else when they started disclosing abuse/trauma to a therapist? What did you do to cope??",6.927805343511452,7.572464480916032,7.009990458015268,73.97010019083974,64.49618320610688,9.298091603053436,31.642175572519086,9.188382445141503,2.7511442748091604,561,20,97,9,8,180,83,131,0.141,0.847,0.013000000000000001,-0.9464,0,0,0,0,1,0,13.0,0,1,1,1,6,6,2,2,8,2,10,0,0,2,0,17,19,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,5,1,14,1,19,13,5,26,0,0,1,0,5,9,0,1,16,75,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.126782038926515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000112429567323,0.2930897310764538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254206193042811,0.0,0.10997653440569016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14692492119562411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389561965101679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205037863987688,0.0,0.0,0.13990479752791352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472407354317376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25295108723346665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2331671006144197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11416029547435505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2684364429684421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33561541094538205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397151398327353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036991125134508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321234935384841,0.0,0.0,0.1405202346796708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13556991369221622,0.1366654452795459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800967862400495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412308712112657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09210268867962836 ptsd,toufiq97,2018/12/19,"Hopefully Wholesome Thread Hi all! I'm a 21 yo and I'm just looking for some advice, possibly from older members of this subreddit or anyone my age who has struggled with similar stuff. I'm going home for the holidays to a family environment that's especially fragile after a difficult year, and unfortunately my childhood has left me with little idea of what I can do for fun that's not on my phone or on a screen. Does anyone have any meaningful things they've done with loved ones on the holidays that have become fun, wholesome traditions? I really would love things that are hands-on (but truly am open to anything, doesn't need to be hands-on!) because I have an 11 yo sibling (and two other siblings) who similarly are struggling to find things to do outside our phones. I would just love to come with a couple of good ideas so that we don't sit around and waste our only time together, but I'm struggling cause I feel like my generation didn't learn how to have fun off-screen. And I would love to have these things intentionally planned to limit the amount of time that our usual family conflicts can surface. 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My mental health has slowly been degrading over time, and at this point I'm finding it hard to even leave my bedroom, let alone the house, or doing things like working. I've never had a social life thanks to my PTSD, so you can add that to the list as well. I'm in a spot where I'm afraid I'll lose my job. I don't know what to do. The job I'm at now is extremely accommodating, but even that isn't enough. Disability doesn't seem to be a viable option because they'll say I'm currently holding down a job. But if I were to quit my job I would also not be getting treatment, which is required for disability. I don't see how that could possibly be a realistic option for me. I'm extremely afraid I'm going to end up homeless. I live in the North, so it's not as simple as just camping out somewhere. I don't think switching jobs would help, and honestly at this point the idea of having to be around new people I'm not used to is making me physically sick. I feel like I'm out of options. 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Is it possible I have PTSD? I feel alienated and alone. TW parent loss Hi. After a recent breakdown, someone recommended I try to find a reddit group where I may be able to find people that relate to me for some advice/community. I have an inkling I have some degree of PTSD, though I’ve never been diagnosed. I would just like some feedback. I watched my mom die in a violent car accident when I was 6 years old. I lost my father to a drug overdose 3 years later. I never went to any kind of counseling for it but had severe night terrors and sleep paralysis my entire childhood and sometimes in my adult life, too. I’ve developed severe anxiety and manic depressive episodes that often cause me to make dramatic decisions (I.e. quitting jobs, ending relationships, moving cities). I can’t seem to keep steady work, focus on school or furthering myself professionally. The part I struggle with the most is my inability to be a good friend and good partner, because it seems like everything around me triggers me into anxiety and even angry bursts (anger is a new development). I am 24 years old and have never been able to see a therapist. I’d like to, but until I can afford it I just need some support. I’ve become an outlier and have completely isolated myself (I feel very, very misunderstood.) Thanks so much if you’ve taken this much time to read. Any and all feedback appreciated. 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So in the past I had a very abusive ex who sexually assaulted me. I'm just starting to see this guy, but I can't help falling for people way too quickly. He says he's not ready for a relationship ( which I understand btw) but he's ok with ""fooling around"". I know it's really not good for me but I feel like I can't say no. Should I tell him what happened? Because I don't wanna scare him away if I ever start getting upset in the middle of things. Has anyone else ever been in a situation like this? 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I’ve been in many situations and relationships where I was manipulated and emotionally abused into having sex, or I was even harassed by my own partner. I’ve been in many sexual situations where my own pleasure and desires didn’t matter. And ever since the relationship I was in before the one I have now I’ve had breakdowns during and after sex, I feel anxious, I feel objectified (even if my partner is not actively objectifying me), I feel sad, depressed, and scared. It worries me that this will always continue, I don’t know how to get past it and I don’t know how to cope with it. My girlfriend feels like shit every time I have a break down because she feels as though it’s her fault. It’s not. It’s not hers and it’s not mine. I’m just really scared this is always going to affect my sex life. Especially because I’m a very non “vanilla” person and some of the things I used to pursue during sex I’m starting to feel as though I cannot anymore, some of those things make me feel disgusting, or like a toy or an object, or like my only purpose is to be used for sex. I have no clue what to do. I can’t afford a therapist just yet and I was wondering if any of you lovely people could help me figure this out a little bit?",5.171615168539329,5.218856318352064,6.563068820224718,77.73089536516855,68.21348314606742,9.221816479400749,29.047050561797754,9.017664075816787,2.190543258426967,1035,33,209,17,16,354,139,267,0.162,0.769,0.069,-0.9749,1,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,1,0,0,13,14,4,2,9,0,25,9,1,7,1,50,45,23,0,4,12,0,7,3,3,1,1,0,0,3,15,14,0,0,11,1,0,1,10,9,0,1,10,7,31,5,23,32,6,20,0,2,0,7,12,10,1,9,11,144,46,0,0.0,0.13533152038524154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19007967455153274,0.0,0.0,0.0776732285214004,0.0,0.0,0.129035609711885,0.11327512780069199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13925438691648034,0.0,0.09719244661338654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12469819451803317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09119503740459878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983771535491847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848164960637504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15088190560063902,0.1033181457995263,0.09623491913553626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042699472227216,0.08159848800610475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059675014286344974,0.0,0.06491361730320455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655897423149358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255441838770441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067666449150834,0.16740574632362354,0.1144780218369105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030876268831205,0.0,0.07624245399321923,0.2316014454395019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739814080840539,0.08686913457455507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903550962608348,0.07918547249947347,0.09973212821823134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13351657219410495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07317198522530345,0.0,0.0,0.24525815855109226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.228707442935282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11724475351326455,0.18896722736685265,0.2567751783550818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084520386645896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261773135459906,0.15176482217051732,0.0,0.2244403072373976,0.0,0.06660235336819477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19729808190529094,0.0,0.0942431123451219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12386625802703648,0.0,0.11599552390546368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SupIWannaDie,2018/12/19,"Do I have a weird form of PTSD? I haven’t experienced trauma, but I have panic attacks daily about thoughts of things that haven’t happened. I’ve taken multiple screenings online, and they’ve all come out positive, but I’m just missing the trauma part. What’s wrong with me?",4.834811320754717,6.484063000000003,5.1624056603773605,81.65040094339625,69.9433962264151,7.564150943396226,28.34433962264151,8.07648339933343,1.9254943396226407,221,8,40,3,4,70,41,53,0.361,0.56,0.078,-0.9490000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,1,1,2,0,5,0,0,0,1,9,11,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,2,2,4,0,5,9,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,26,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3791941148282205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871214976507646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947494962777502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3910735249297381,0.0,0.36094783827729854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3896275865859291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22143978241508566,0.0,0.0,0.2646150063448916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3644278041048573,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WhiteKittenYT,2018/12/19,"A story-ish of why I have ptsd. I grew up in a family where my mom was not often home. I was left with my abusive stepdad. He threw me across rooms. (Once or twice) but the one thing I can't just shake off is when he grabbed me by the neck and pushed me against a wall ( I wasn't on the ground so I couldn't breathe while he pushed.) This caused me to have bad reactions to any kind of thing involving an arm or hand around my neck. I was also sent to my room when I was with him. One year for Christmas my only wish was to be allowed to eat or be allowed out of my room again. He promised he would allow that. My mom heard this but only the part about being allowed out of my room. She never knew I wasnt allowed to eat for months on end. When Christmas arrived, my mom asked about it. My stepdad said he didn't remember that happening. I was sent back to my room and I just sat there sobbing. (Im not an ugly crier) Everyone else was getting presents and stuff. While I was not allowed to step a foot out of my room. I have 5 brothers btw. I missed 4 or 5 birthdays because of him. His only wish was to remove the fun from my childhood. My mom divorced him 4 years later. She said she wanted to leave him to die. I'm glad my family left that shell of a human being to rot, but I can't forget the things he has done to me.",1.1164436619718288,2.650345531690146,2.6347661971831013,96.40600845070423,79.59859154929578,5.5299154929577465,21.219154929577464,6.152001189255117,-0.01786152112676076,1017,28,243,7,25,332,143,284,0.065,0.821,0.114,0.9346,5,0,0,0,1,0,31.0,0,0,0,0,17,8,0,1,13,0,26,8,6,7,1,38,42,17,1,5,12,5,2,0,0,1,0,3,7,1,10,9,2,0,2,0,0,9,10,4,0,3,21,5,43,4,39,15,1,45,0,2,0,0,29,21,1,5,15,163,53,0,0.0,0.13084263097405344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08831159960965752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750968403152384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830696800839034,0.10323804144586028,0.0,0.0,0.08491459250831697,0.09220523972604676,0.0673176888390966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344301654951493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460990271199137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11300921390805688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259968844339237,0.09225089771945197,0.0,0.09780905379531528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10552151564506744,0.0,0.0,0.20820896384345652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057695619249771624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09765373410354633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1107712578676344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11928438792205925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11499685230160098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11693044272111534,0.2399671244742105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5173416273747876,0.08814493949295027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517116497172209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.117605369382414,0.14966175429115186,0.2519631661379035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195859693384043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290878838483734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125096751577429,0.0,0.2100902646826776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641702996271126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22009627061278508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06513504196206979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996467658602905,0.0,0.253980310419024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07844698627140298,0.0,0.0,0.14222783651830315 ptsd,mechawhale,2018/12/19,It came back. I thought it was gone. No more. No more. I cant I need someone to talk to. I cant be going out in the streets no more I'm an adult. I cant. Why is it following me? Help,-5.3592121212121215,-5.524360577777778,-1.145656565656564,110.56272727272729,132.55555555555554,2.525252525252525,12.979797979797981,4.851557810540192,-1.6601111111111106,134,4,42,1,11,49,29,45,0.16,0.775,0.065,-0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,4,13,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,0,0,4,0,6,0,4,8,3,8,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,28,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3131387159192241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4657685566749505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2314411372565129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2729611566794356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019597255518149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34504904607456993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32732021149936125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323299243923582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36746640813166176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mechdude1010,2018/12/19,"Didn’t know I had PTSD until last night when an argument occurred above me in my apartment complex. Was studying and learning some new methods for fixing issues at work in my apartment until I started to hear a heated debate above me on the second floor. It involved the mother screaming (not just yelling) at her son for tearing up his clothes that she had just bought him, with scissors. I tried to cover my ears but just as I put headphones on I heard a loud slam. It was the kids dad. To which immediately entailed more screaming, yelling, and eventually what sounded like slapping and glassware breaking followed by crying. I went through something very similar as a young child all the way up to highschool. Long story short, dad caused 2 divorces, on the second one he ended up leaving us all together, all the income stopped coming and it resulted in my mother going insane and losing her job, my older brother vanished and I lived in my car for 3 years (17-20). I never had any developmental issues or anything like that. I got along fine with people and never caused a fuss. But something about last night really hit me hard and I haven’t been able to sleep since. Maybe I care for this kid that much. To hope he didn’t have to grow up like I did in the time of my life when I needed my parents the most. I haven’t been able to sleep or eat since. I ate earlier and my body rejected it completely. I’ve just been in total shock and can’t focus on anything. I need to know if this is normal or if I should go see my doctor. 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Have a unique situation. I need a treatment center for myself. I have PTSD with borderline traits. I have an MSW and have been super traumatized by the medical systems in our country, who send me to ERs who just discharge me with no plan, and put me in rooms locked on the outside and won't open the door for me to go to the bathroom. I've been a social worker since 2006. I will not go to inpatient. All of the cool wilderness therapy programs are for youth or under 30, or for Vets. And they all usually get sued anyways. I need basically adult horse camp for adult women who have been mistreated and misdiagnosed by Western medicine/Kaiser/Premera. I have Premera Blue Cross that will cover treatment. I also have rich parents who will do anything at this point to keep me alive. I have a rich socialist boyfriend who wants me to stop trying to break up with him and stop feeling so much pain. I have been sober since 2016 but I don't go to AA. Any leads in a sunny area? Literally anywhere in the world for any price? Okay with hippy/white lady bullshit, just need it to be güd. 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I can say it's gotten way better in the past few months. My abusive ex passed away in September, so the reason for my stress is no longer a threat. I'd say it's a bit bittersweet. I wanted peace, but not like this. But such is life, ya know? &#x200B; So I started dating again! I've been on a couple of duds, and canceled about a million more because of some internal gut instinct to flee. More often than not I talk myself into just staying home, because let's face it....it's easier to hide under our covers where it feels safe, and go about our lives without the potential stress of dating someone new (who we actually like. YIKES!) That just sounds complicated. And the last thing I want after last year is complicated. &#x200B; BUT. I met this really great guy recently. We talked for a month and a half and are finally deciding to meet up for a date, and lemme tell ya. I'm terrified. I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack every time I think about it. I. want. to. puke. It's a mix of first date jitters and my past life creeping up on me all at the same time. &#x200B; And I think to myself, how will I ever be able to separate what happened to me, and my future with another person? When I look at this really great guy, how will I not simultaneously think about how secretly evil and malicious people can be? What if he IS secretly malicious and evil, and I have to find out too late all over again? I feel like a little child, and I hate being in this mindset. I don't want to feel like small and closed-in. I don't want to block potentially good things from happening to me. &#x200B; People don't want broken people. And not that I'm broken, but I have some internal issues going on. &#x200B; What have you people done when starting to date again?",1.9957444444444403,4.566426530000001,3.1871666666666663,88.04427777777781,82.45,6.155555555555559,21.63888888888889,7.471455274886353,0.9475222222222222,1612,51,315,26,45,519,200,400,0.162,0.727,0.111,-0.9777,0,0,0,0,0,0,91.0,4,4,0,4,21,22,6,3,19,0,25,4,2,4,3,65,53,27,1,7,12,1,4,5,1,2,2,3,1,4,22,21,0,2,13,0,0,4,9,10,0,5,6,8,39,12,49,41,10,63,0,0,1,0,28,23,0,5,39,210,61,0,0.054783226468610266,0.06490916514581775,0.05346052645793935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155032209338428,0.4659733153761682,0.0,0.0574449895898474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06232382887140207,0.05147064462079831,0.0,0.0,0.06679069275148079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845131189980835,0.05980909457246453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061659809389661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056062261007360295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0495545647397639,0.04615723108098733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080018141723254,0.11741144380614425,0.0,0.060012346813407925,0.05007087651048103,0.13979575334452704,0.0,0.0,0.04232538487397934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062269140164121224,0.04594957118929529,0.0,0.12079740116684375,0.0,0.1084880144210402,0.09688925248361653,0.0,0.0,0.05408709433134525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0367200419210568,0.0,0.05495204289927541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717945530415398,0.0,0.0,0.060609523277243574,0.0,0.030107428562003526,0.08931128278350556,0.061797865645977994,0.0,0.05952213585170235,0.05601956074130564,0.07739002597452714,0.1338215862245392,0.05490718499153801,0.048374592647019,0.0,0.04600411272547823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745489740955452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05290998149927535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06427631255537376,0.0,0.0,0.10459357703114483,0.15191916552733728,0.047834600264839815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0640386600961868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019107536095508,0.0563262809432153,0.05409182704006677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0871316410510872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04531725104907621,0.061578641877928775,0.0,0.0,0.046417650008564085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755169932440308,0.05839163027531799,0.0,0.0,0.12550800165318346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806536456746507,0.047882954602015165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918662419755897,0.10530863841405848,0.0,0.0,0.06388907981776752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19387539813384636,0.04348437522148572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05280907537174484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4659733153761682,0.0705572034143033 ptsd,kitcatso,2019/01/08,"How do I (21F) carry on? I’ve been dealing with PTSD since I was a young adult. It has worsened significantly since graduating high school after to being assaulted on more than one occasion. I pulled myself out of college for a year and a half and am just now getting back into it. Since then I have filled my time with work or isolating myself. I have no hobbies, hardly any friends and no idea how to open myself up to either. I am not sure if I have any interests or how to find any. I have no idea what to study or what I would even be slightly interested in, academically. I constantly fear abandonment and rejection. My PTSD has consumed me and made me into something small and weak. I am embarrassed by how jumpy I am, how I have a serious tremor and how I get very dark and scared very quickly. I do not want to live like this anymore. Therapy is not in the budget (yet) and I fear opening up to people due to the underlying causes of the PTSD. How do you carry on? How do I reclaim my life? Sorry this is kind of all over the place. TL;DR: 21F consumed by PTSD, needs advice on how to reclaim my life and find meaning. ",3.1994666666666665,4.776698835555557,4.703666666666667,83.60350000000003,73.97777777777776,7.666666666666668,26.277777777777786,8.344100000000001,1.7050444444444441,878,31,178,15,18,294,124,225,0.183,0.775,0.040999999999999995,-0.9824,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,1,15,15,1,4,8,0,22,3,0,11,2,48,28,24,0,4,9,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,0,1,6,17,0,1,5,0,1,2,6,9,0,2,3,1,27,6,32,22,3,31,0,2,0,0,4,18,0,4,12,136,33,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11265798993677525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351991518470822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143346061925407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864926963442488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184324185652245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12458525023843865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885675033300402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614656276875892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2594618520543614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21074208217200294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907113634416497,0.0,0.12046632637605045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327530286782304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180798349742288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602919854974828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12005459445378915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286248963310349,0.05632383869816283,0.0,0.10180131734383842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10908818724278503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125582307918152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08548450820142234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812205663483507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07992610549358611,0.0,0.1204513052641004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5390614867846624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542328809956412,0.11667749766031572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28610199710787804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875424869812525,0.0,0.12905535194356155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10865747013627262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13184174745489596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06722529465821944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19024916317548496,0.06799978339387958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08393095559203112,0.0,0.0,0.08189720791865653,0.0,0.0,0.07424162005957355 ptsd,desperateforsun,2019/01/08,"Ketamine infusions New here. Has anyone had ketamine infusions for their PTSD symptoms? If so, how helpful were they?? I'm desperate. I've tried a dozen medications, EMDR, mediation, you name it. Thanks in advance.",3.811666666666667,7.033945722222228,4.777777777777779,71.495,91.77777777777777,7.955555555555558,33.77777777777778,8.344100000000001,4.238477777777779,170,10,24,5,6,55,33,36,0.059000000000000004,0.773,0.168,0.6391,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,2,1,3,1,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,0,3,5,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,3,1,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,15,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713279007851475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600962886293886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3909113640677843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.374773260035948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4536001853055005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4033240857571429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572568225900516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2634549607680145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bucket1999,2019/01/08,"Terrified of the dentist after being in a sexually abusive relationship Before you say these don’t relate, please hear me out. I was in a sexually and verbally abusive relationship for a year when I was 16 (now 19). The idea of lying down horizontally while a man sticks his hand in my mouth and I feel restrained absolutely terrifies me. I have to get a cavity filled in an hour and I’m hysterically crying on the train there. Has anyone experienced this? Does anyone have any advice? I’m on the verge of cancelling the appointment but I know I really need to take care of it. Thank you and so much love to this community. ",2.818099547511313,5.52399689915967,5.233781512605045,73.84300581771174,80.00840336134453,8.70355526826115,24.27989657401422,9.265573868473778,2.583338202973497,497,18,90,15,13,174,82,119,0.125,0.7340000000000001,0.141,0.7254,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,4,3,0,0,11,0,7,4,2,0,0,11,18,8,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,4,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,12,3,17,15,1,16,0,0,0,1,9,9,0,0,6,62,16,0,0.0,0.450567248370925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580163099315505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12930104068641646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658992206190761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16179428527948195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938593834131064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20885876413633425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16639192092195054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09613999184092574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933978021880814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21430047278036785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872486152004331,0.0,0.0,0.2146437881015832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10449542227381564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160787174190914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139774043259945,0.140985659848767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087155252052622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12180791269820962,0.0,0.0,0.4082762586436468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120616505480125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296086550905654,0.0,0.0,0.17505444595387193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244328256153293 ptsd,Solumnist,2019/01/08,"First time EMDR Hey all. Hope this is allowed. Just wanted to say that I had my first EMDR session yesterday. First few minutes I thought that t would never take. But then I slowly started to get into it. Thanks to the pointed questions asked by my trauma therapist, I started to feel, and with feeling came the imagery. And vice versa. Yet it was so much more difficult than I imagined. I resisted so much her (gentle but direct) attempts to have me state directly — I can’t even say it now.... My pain. We concluded with an empowering exercise: I had to say “I can do this. I am going to overcome this” and repeat it. But all I felt while stating that was my absolute lack of belief that in fact I can. I was shocked to find this out actually. That was around noon. The rest of the day went fine. I actually felt somewhat relieved. But then somewhere around dinner time I burst into tears. I felt so alone. I felt I wanted someone there for me. Who would hold me, and take me through all of this warmly and safely. I have friends who are there for me, but it’s not the same. It’s been almost five years since I’ve been intimate with someone. I yearn for it so much. But there is yet this hell to go through. A hell there because of the darker side of love. I hope to find out what it means to feel at home in the world, with someone. Good luck to all of you.",1.2853186274509838,3.6338472867647087,2.6526176470588254,92.19336274509806,83.48529411764707,5.391372549019609,22.66960784313725,6.742157984588678,0.6140716666666668,1050,37,220,12,30,339,144,272,0.114,0.75,0.135,0.6463,2,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,1,1,0,5,15,18,2,0,9,0,20,4,0,2,6,61,45,18,0,8,8,0,8,0,1,2,2,3,1,0,22,17,1,2,15,1,0,4,3,7,0,4,15,11,33,11,38,28,13,37,3,1,0,1,13,12,2,6,19,168,55,1,0.0,0.0,0.21308214594160474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932506668505787,0.11307452017104247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19438148134442687,0.10206582419280252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665533295468434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12486948489001297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041017923521745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07211042616644947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16560962352529926,0.0,0.4193084402284465,0.0,0.19957173119917748,0.2785978841754496,0.0,0.0,0.0843499347490291,0.0,0.05704051383162107,0.0,0.12409569163660045,0.09157254784812843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951350464220687,0.2168749329832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09853656974224044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11892583740706412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24077312926330585,0.0,0.08420408822709748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617210181583397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10320762187905537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12230330662026564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604659683231857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09031240189253276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27751613560632044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15455218652273314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417514128757751,0.0,0.0,0.10051557919420567,0.0,0.12676299503427466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667439971101745,0.12732405694241564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287909311061036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120823923903292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511251854639418,0.0,0.0,0.0703064546464325 ptsd,stefioan,2019/01/08,"Emotional Pain Relief & Healing Aid subliminal program available for free to current or past military personnel in the USA I have been using the subliminal programs of Indigo Mind Labs for years now. I did use an emotional health title with great success and many other individuals did and have journals in the forum section recording their great results. &#x200B; I was considering the ""\[Emotional Pain Relief & Healing Aid Version 2\]([https://www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-2-0/](https://www.subliminal-shop.com/product/emotional-pain-relief-healing-aid-2-0/))"" (the more powerful and paid version) for being my next program and I noticed in the description the following: &#x200B; "" It should also be helpful to those who have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, regardless of the source or type.  For this reason, we at Indigo Mind Labs have decided to make this program available **for free** to anyone who can prove that they are a current member of any branch the military of the United States (Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines or Coast Guard), or have been honorably discharged therefrom. To take advantage of this offer, you must send us an e-mail requesting it for free, and show verifiable proof that you are currently a member of, or have been honorably discharged from, the United States military. "" &#x200B; If you know anyone that can benefit from this please share. Hope it can help someone in need.",8.79530131826742,11.491281788135595,7.573333333333334,64.11790018832393,61.62711864406779,10.498681732580039,39.38229755178908,10.62613485830676,5.11861845574388,1186,62,155,31,18,361,135,236,0.06,0.708,0.23199999999999998,0.9915,4,0,0,0,0,0,87.0,2,3,2,5,2,17,0,1,15,0,21,5,0,5,3,30,30,12,0,6,6,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,14,7,0,1,4,1,4,2,0,3,0,0,7,0,12,17,25,19,4,19,0,0,0,0,15,7,0,7,7,102,26,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332726725279054,0.0,0.4967494018176379,0.3342529549915791,0.062354731473275575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12822846910309166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10508870703477613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094285732532039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20218483815901112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746591392469456,0.0,0.0,0.1229204546006204,0.0,0.0,0.09107234536138344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0503923554016284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061206130298818676,0.09296282782441403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18516861353240507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798957622292343,0.0,0.0,0.09751708870202104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043936694929986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3902734403610954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753183114968591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065193953110242,0.0,0.0,0.08781703667221047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427620037018497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0776916139258724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10503460652626566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06894210852968613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029600325831136,0.15838750559991452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342529549915791,0.05904761449946215 ptsd,Asher_the_atheist,2019/01/08,"Struggling and wondering if I can join you here? Brief background: 32F, have PTSD as the result of childhood trauma/abuse, coped for years through elaborate dissociation but that stopped working (quite dramatically) about 6 years ago in grad school, have struggled ever since to keep a job/maintain any sort of stable or normal sleep schedule/engage in social interaction/bring myself to even open my blinds, much less leave the apartment. I've been trying *so hard* these last two years to resolve the problem. I finally found a therapist that seems to be helping, started doing EMDR, I'm on various medications (though, those never seem to do anything 😕), I've been making myself do hard things and face the demons, etc. The problem? It never seems to be enough. I work on one thing, and everything else seems to spin out of control. I make progress in one small area, but it doesn't seem to make up for the fact that I may, at any time, lose all control and completely shut down. I need a job, but applying for jobs is triggering, interviewing is triggering, *working* is triggering (lots of psychological abuse, so anything that puts me on another human being's radar is accompanied by wildly overblown anxiety). And I'm just so tired now. And frustrated. Don't know of joining this sub will help at all, but worth a shot?",5.235125,7.531435595833336,5.265833333333333,78.6825,70.125,8.3,30.33333333333333,8.982922981607832,2.722608333333333,1053,44,182,21,20,329,160,240,0.136,0.782,0.08199999999999999,-0.9505,3,0,0,0,2,0,45.0,0,1,0,9,10,7,1,2,10,0,19,5,2,9,6,48,35,17,0,5,7,0,2,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,11,8,0,4,9,0,1,2,4,6,0,3,3,3,11,1,31,27,8,32,1,1,1,0,6,16,0,11,14,116,22,8,0.0,0.22562590292243415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440141447072247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949749081480588,0.09984011976939024,0.07283840481797631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15670592259444488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998300063918271,0.0,0.21358106373117566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953903073641189,0.0,0.0,0.09838145410689096,0.10618871370732297,0.06288791053424493,0.08612646140356231,0.0,0.0,0.0855721514042093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430221915388373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439717262080288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058597974729206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763979624720062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283455436269872,0.08463052623359085,0.0,0.0,0.05232709231981563,0.07761207055244207,0.0,0.10081781649324742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652004602237096,0.0,0.08094748838334241,0.0,0.0,0.1906681363765815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09591802928688438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699932026343873,0.07059993134766411,0.146869723244186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328944706979178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1290388621564513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18221376664017952,0.11130000265514098,0.09571630971441954,0.0,0.10127174715470386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636159226916476,0.0,0.4333959828660957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07876195651985866,0.0,0.0952827041085758,0.09705862302803688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0673929180260185,0.0,0.0,0.07960311869152109,0.0,0.19907657013653704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11055072497238176,0.12651182420994905,0.0,0.09354721433054412,0.0,0.055520015117988535,0.10943441949181427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464401643319721,0.0,0.09301018595172553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325545826063556,0.2079506507347252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18394397030378112 ptsd,gen92,2019/01/08,"Sleep problem Hey, I don’t know where to put this so I’m putting it here.. I’ve had ptsd all my life according to the several psychologists and psychiatrists I’ve seen. Because I’ve had it all my life I don’t know if this is normal.. I grind my teeth in my sleep and I’ve destroyed several night guards. Has anyone else had a similar experience?",0.2966197183098593,2.7232294366197216,2.6353380281690164,88.81441549295776,92.66197183098593,6.783661971830987,22.592957746478877,7.908726449838941,1.511979154929577,274,11,59,7,10,93,45,71,0.092,0.9079999999999999,0.0,-0.7096,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,7,5,3,0,2,10,11,4,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,4,1,7,0,3,7,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14259595521525728,0.20895530445591406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431676238946912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17036135865293967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19948736828764846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241544675469788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.288090363314186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1913789966694596,0.19981280641273474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1951380634305365,0.23838887015410185,0.4100216061780408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4607765568478257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4081641623684508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Distantstallion,2019/01/08,"Got a final Exam on Friday, shaking with worry I'm in pretty deep in the whole PTSD thing. High TES, High Anxiety, High Depression. Last time I had a University exam I blew my lid and had a ton of flashbacks during, granted I was just uncovering the extent at the time after repressing it for 6 months. I'm worried it's going to happen again. Studying is already difficult, I barely get sleep, can't concentrate, when I do I just stare at a page. The rational part of me knows I'll have tried my best fail or don't every single day is a fight. I take my pills, go to the gym, clean, practice hygiene, attend classes. I can handle failure, if I dropped put I could find some peace working the lowest job, eventually find my place. These Grey areas terrify me. I can't deal with them. What do? ",2.3433333333333373,4.517277006369426,4.2002802547770735,83.59095116772825,78.29936305732485,6.7344373673036095,24.47940552016985,7.793537801064563,1.4672559660297242,618,22,118,10,15,209,111,157,0.19899999999999998,0.6990000000000001,0.102,-0.9325,2,0,0,0,1,0,24.0,0,0,1,3,4,7,1,2,11,0,13,2,1,0,0,13,22,4,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,5,3,0,1,3,1,0,5,3,6,0,0,4,2,18,1,13,17,8,26,0,2,2,0,3,11,0,3,9,73,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1701910616424463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798166064631382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618495646536269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.123136069031663,0.0,0.0,0.09946233069017324,0.15899914610302746,0.13283371897559024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299411676685417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689458885820347,0.2819176110691468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08057616826261974,0.0,0.1752991804999088,0.0,0.12334777708023975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363806093585107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4888413651818643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304446042312442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475799633603709,0.12571391414815988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12310087955439546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16701058611651678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161132242218716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.156902213738804,0.0,0.0,0.1802807073549734,0.1550386667481918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433632421926305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595796496484033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246020041889088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17985961112405172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10470861393375727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721866431884614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11227759663086173,0.3132458354201369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AnonLad,2019/01/08,"I couldn't help it ... what if the abuser couldn't either? My dad was abusive towards my mom, and I have PTSD because of it. As a result, I have had to come to terms with the fact that my actions towards men are sometimes downright hurtful. For example, shutting down emotionally (a switch flips), physically pushing someone away for no reason, rejecting people after a long time spent building up trust. I hate that I do this - I admittedly have sabatoged my own relationships. My question is.. after doing this, my explanation is that ""I genuinely couldn't help it."" The part of me that acts out of PTSD doesn't feel like me. It's hard for me to feel responsible for ""her"" actions, because sometimes in that state of mind i'd have disassociated. I know that I have taken certain harmful actions but all without consciously deciding or meaning to. Of course, I have not done anything physically harmful or directly abusive to another person. My actions do not compare to the way my dad treated my mom. But when I hear my own justifications, I can't help but think, what if my dad couldn't help it to?? Does anyone relate? I know this kind of reasoning is flawed, but it also scares a part of me.",4.578427579365076,6.522270781250002,5.593690476190479,77.12353174603176,71.09821428571429,8.013492063492063,32.53373015873016,8.680891452615391,2.8419164682539684,941,45,167,17,18,310,120,224,0.154,0.8220000000000001,0.024,-0.9784,0,0,0,0,1,0,38.0,0,0,0,0,3,11,1,1,8,0,22,0,0,4,3,38,34,12,0,6,12,5,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,17,4,0,0,13,0,1,7,10,6,0,0,5,4,29,5,30,25,7,23,0,2,0,0,16,8,0,5,7,126,46,0,0.0,0.4199842987160548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09448878894807612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12389618432386415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261696643110501,0.0,0.09723178375210152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11101083869520942,0.0,0.0,0.14405280668235254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178036994103896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033985410954578,0.12091394346092953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290886300104424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948578803827666,0.08441020407756045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10584398355418023,0.11665394417623708,0.0,0.0,0.13316966424079396,0.0,0.3167881560925779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648774356795614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230406124999098,0.12987017824422484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05772473467840152,0.0,0.0,0.10456376467188844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12870581218238422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930321897551315,0.2767642306284577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2559014550277017,0.0,0.08191404101946766,0.10316869223557808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762345573314437,0.0,0.13236103065873764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2429667525695481,0.0,0.1268546251337129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182941155158405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10011264276315712,0.0,0.2337173203991389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570917596701528,0.0,0.0,0.06889733348287673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09378621540565896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11389753889670633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Throwawaybassett1995,2019/01/08,"Invasive flashbacks after car accident. Help! Hey all. New redditor here, sorry if this is in the wrong place. 4 months ago I fell asleep on the motorway and ironically hit an accident that had just happened (overworked, wasn’t drunk or on my phone). Fortunately nobody besides me was hurt. When the police saw the state of my car/me they said they couldn’t believe I was alive. I got a new car pretty swiftly and started driving again And I’m not scared of driving. But atleast 8 times a day I’ll be doing something such as the gym or reading and suddenly I’m flashing back to hitting the car in front and being whacked with an airbag. I find myself losing track of conversations and lying in bed thinking about it. Does it go away in time. ",3.0770729270729302,5.520946482517483,3.906858141858145,85.24512237762238,77.18181818181819,6.603196803196802,27.69680319680319,7.7094869923839395,1.8027586413586416,589,25,110,9,14,188,104,143,0.149,0.764,0.086,-0.862,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,1,7,4,0,1,10,0,9,2,1,0,1,17,20,12,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,4,7,1,0,2,3,0,8,3,4,0,0,7,2,10,0,15,8,1,30,0,2,1,0,7,8,0,3,13,66,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17781119653325994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18846118829901728,0.1542415577066988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259965758575081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936414799405144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17553792181263536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183335898663401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140000891396096,0.0,0.16043038583774027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17738133834336528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13445144870083345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147360630571211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22440923480714708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16010926237470596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38746272014643335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957416827408776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20407244690382376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2006445809019354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080730841695415,0.0,0.20082588187723135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15442421160084266,0.0,0.22454441639789055,0.141978845582393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853016368120487,0.0,0.0,0.23393163210786455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21931400201864573,0.0,0.0 ptsd,VanillaMast3r,2019/01/08,"School Paper Over PTSD - Survey? **Who I am**: Student, Highschool, 12th Grade **Affiliation**: None, as this is for a paper. **Target group**: PTSD Sufferers, Others. **Compensation**: None, besides knowledge and maybe a decent grade. **Background**: Chose to do my Psych semester test over PTSD because I was ignorant, and thought PTSD was cool because I saw it in action movies. After a bit of research and reading here, I realize I was in the wrong. I have a few bullet points which I need suggestions/answers for, if at all possible. \- (Why it affects those people) \- (Can it be treated?) \- (How can it be treated) \- (More in-depth analysis) \- (What the Future looks like) \- (What can we do now) \- (Do you know anyone with PTSD) \- (What should you do for them) \- (How serious is PTSD in comparison to other mental illnesses) I came up with these bullets on my own, so if any of them seem ""weird"", please forgive me.",0.13184056122449306,0.0172110437500006,1.687219387755107,88.78196428571432,138.5625,4.3061224489795915,20.76530612244898,5.956176228190532,0.9598966836734696,677,28,119,12,49,217,109,160,0.062,0.897,0.040999999999999995,-0.5514,0,0,0,0,0,0,85.0,1,2,2,0,5,10,0,0,6,1,17,1,0,3,1,22,24,9,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,14,7,0,1,6,1,0,2,2,5,0,0,6,3,16,5,19,15,7,14,0,1,2,0,8,9,0,3,4,88,30,11,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289796703728079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523715164666291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14862142074110615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308609691582793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942413082805732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06699449614028921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05955546634176365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023675052845292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246757432494468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284917689098335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09038925379739944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451193305662923,0.0,0.0,0.13381247851357952,0.11523738556295565,0.13742689649562234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.8549858898393642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193561625591598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233719672763852,0.0,0.1109755738915546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677706971720476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999816073462418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13328138676600967,0.0,0.0 ptsd,quartermooses,2019/01/12,"Is it possible to suffer the extremes of hyperarousal and hypoarousal back to back? It seems that I have days of hyperarousal, but my tolerance for anything those days is low. After even a short period of hyperarousal I find myself in deep states of hypoarousal. Sometimes it's hour by hour and sometimes it is day by day. Does anyone else experience this? Suggestions for dealing with it? ",5.8221739130434775,8.469187086956527,5.483405797101451,76.23206521739135,69.43478260869566,9.237681159420287,31.78985507246377,9.725611199111238,3.5533072463768125,315,14,50,8,6,97,47,69,0.077,0.883,0.04,-0.3899,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,6,5,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,13,5,0,15,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,10,37,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744020444181285,0.2014002411237346,0.16175317025559088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30228695445465403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5070630106978568,0.2026460298133626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17201208469686038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420171194126376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298268595245128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19227463106947945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965343216564136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3871464970025197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2215932886689986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789419903064055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.388808227714791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,laylaadams1,2019/01/12,"Triggers Hey guys how do you pin point triggers? My psychologist and me have figured out at least 3 ... men, noise and mess. Tonight I had an episode and although I felt a little bit edgy on and off all day I couldn't tell tonight's episode was going to happen. My kids had been very clingy (touching me) and loud all day, I had a few twinges in my back and thighs, like radiating pains but nothing to make me think I was overly stressed and should take time out. I thought I had been coping 'normally' until I was in full blown rage and really wasnt coping at all. Now the guilt has set in and I feel like a failure and upset. How can I pin point what triggers out bursts like these? I'm exhausted now Thanks L",3.2358712121212143,4.560149986111114,3.609898989898991,92.49772727272727,73.44444444444444,6.625252525252527,26.285353535353536,6.980632752743323,0.9038694444444446,554,19,123,5,11,172,92,144,0.17,0.7509999999999999,0.08,-0.9282,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,5,11,1,3,5,0,16,3,1,6,3,31,26,15,0,3,1,0,3,3,0,1,2,1,0,3,2,13,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,7,0,0,12,4,17,4,14,12,7,26,0,0,0,0,6,15,0,0,12,77,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15907082371353307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258492605408513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668290165941373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460005798346844,0.14778849243695494,0.1986283445998823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175694044619099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048345490738927,0.1829351053063345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3031997709639017,0.20733882058177425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380878201383925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202689394766105,0.19849804690531334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201250445595265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3911194169668253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252668829179404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23696972482159576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15554104525364146,0.0,0.1808141381621096,0.19045877627424845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13255441213633784,0.0,0.16423225370238995,0.12062798757131933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17069001934214914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Debauchery_,2019/01/12,"I keep having “flashback” dreams of my childhood abuse I call them “flashbacks” because even though the things being said and done to me are carbon copies of things I actually experienced as a child, instead of my parents being the abusers, it’s people who I have completely loving and healthy relationships with in my waking life. This is the 4th night terror I woke up from in tears this month. I think it’s because I recently did a lot of self-introspection and have recently began to accept the role I played in my abusive childhood. I am afraid that I have now opened Pandora’s box and will forced to keep reliving these same scenarios via dreams for a great period of time. It is beginning to change the way I see my healthy relationships and is starting to open up trust issues I’ve never had before. I go to therapy bimonthly and I am on prescribed medicines that I take daily. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to cope?",7.287232767232767,7.93338396703297,7.201188811188812,72.90290209790213,63.725274725274716,10.574225774225775,34.67732267732268,10.436869588844218,3.7133230769230776,790,33,136,18,11,252,116,182,0.105,0.7490000000000001,0.146,0.7894,1,0,1,0,2,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,5,7,0,2,8,0,18,3,1,1,1,17,30,9,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,11,9,0,2,2,3,0,1,1,2,0,0,6,4,21,5,23,21,2,25,0,0,1,1,11,9,0,1,14,95,32,0,0.0,0.4778124917215216,0.1311787392850083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914131429598886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798521139766866,0.13773359497298826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16388762796798895,0.0,0.11438519018741385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726225388366922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14220309992541794,0.0,0.14094133544306947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763562283692162,0.1375627440967792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229426519154276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08878599144962487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07639643531678897,0.0,0.0,0.1482032804749782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403040590276207,0.0,0.238965012980076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094947868204774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428274449599407,0.12132319143996935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729620475689663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036763177643364,0.0,0.0,0.12614811230680942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1492622923805044,0.0,0.0,0.09319289355851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26545558552706355,0.2886428121567387,0.0,0.0,0.12786830523961085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10711877408857864,0.0,0.1402338761004952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10348640410677414,0.0,0.0,0.09514622115430392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10107035463189187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15372591797454788,0.0,0.1786110819577072,0.08613367243864503,0.13207120575528014,0.0,0.07838389836254016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669976332235734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RunawayStagecoach,2019/01/12,"Uncomfortable I stumbled into finding out that one of the coaches who sexually abused me has a prestigious coaching job. I had made a report about the abuse months ago. Investigators were supposed to call me back...no one did. I had been told they were backed up a couple months. It has been about 8. This was my coach after my previous coach repeatedly raped me. I did not adequately protect myself from either of them. I couldn't comprehend what had happened and what was happening, and blamed it all on myself. My symptoms have been crippling since reporting. I wish I had not found out this information today. I wish I could forget it all and have a new life. I am angry and sad. I moved in with family after making the initial report. I was not ok. I don't know what will happen to me if I have to go through reporting again. I want to forget. I want to be able to feel comfortable and relax. I want to be able to get in bed and sleep instead of feel tormented at night. How do people do this? People shouldn't have to live like this. I am waiting to hear back from a trauma treatment center to see if they can help me. I had gone to a therapist for years, but after the reporting process discovered I needed more assistance. I feel like I've become a container for bad feelings and discomfort. 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Like here I have to deal with my mentally ill parents in addition to my own struggles. I find my self checking behind me and locking the doors and keeping my dog near me. Today I went out to dinner and I made sure I could see the door and I scanned all the people to make sure none of them where my abuser. I feel like I take a step in the wrong direction every time I come here. I wanna be back at school with my boyfriend so all the nightmares go away and I don’t have to keep looking over my shoulder. 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I recently came down with the flu and have been in bed, which seems to have worsened my symptoms. Just curious if anyone else has been sick and had tremors or other physical things amplify. 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I don't want to get into details because the incident is still fresh, it's been three days now and my brain keeps going in and out of craziness, I do smoke but I refuse to do that because it is just temporary. I am religious too and I'm deep in my prayer as well but when I close my eyes everything just come rushing back and I feel like I can't do anything. 😥",0.6395121951219522,2.465754597560977,2.509939024390245,95.32393292682929,82.29268292682926,6.051219512195122,22.445121951219512,7.1686216300943375,0.5729463414634148,295,10,70,4,8,98,58,82,0.07400000000000001,0.828,0.098,0.4289,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,0,1,0,10,2,2,1,0,17,17,9,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,0,2,1,0,0,3,2,0,1,1,1,2,11,2,8,16,0,14,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,6,49,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25827923131939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413382133749211,0.0,0.38265109148030574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3503704662468534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703617551519672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024131032897196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2820762498456982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15869655115450176,0.22422094693078126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639783841385777,0.0,0.1783733142131009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27897231833842856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1533356637667469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2506482191699949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18512218207591094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282196952349317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheWordsmithBookworm,2019/01/15,"It's All in My Head I am fairly new to reddit. A friend of mine suggested reddit knowing this has helped him through his trauma. I've been listening quietly to people and their posts for some time now. It seems like a place that is relatively safe to talk about internal turmoil. My husband was brutally murdered in front of me and took his last breath in my arms about 16 months ago. He was beaten to death with a baseball bat by a couple of teenage boys over a neighborhood noise complaint. I have been going through the motions of life, having to deal with court dates and victim's advocates, my 12 year old son's emotions and reactions, my own depression and anxiety. I have reached out to counselors/therapists and tried to stay committed to going to sessions, but every time I attend a session I come out of it feeling worse than I did. Dredging up the past trauma does not seem to help, but hinders me. I have become agoraphobic and shelter myself in my apartment. Just going to the grocery store, picking up my son from school, doctor appointments, etc. are a hard commitment for me to keep. The anxiety of public places and feeling vulnerable around others is so overwhelming to me that even talking about it right now gives me adrenaline rushes. I'm not sure how to confront this growing problem. Is there home therapy? Any suggestions?",5.896666666666667,7.539710815261049,5.9174497991967865,77.27609437751008,67.35341365461846,9.067469879518073,33.512048192771076,9.444778638647367,3.296648192771084,1079,49,183,22,18,340,162,249,0.157,0.775,0.068,-0.9651,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,1,11,15,5,2,11,0,15,5,3,2,4,34,29,12,2,1,5,3,3,1,1,0,2,2,1,1,9,14,0,2,5,0,1,10,2,11,0,0,6,5,25,4,42,23,4,38,0,2,0,0,20,14,0,3,13,125,34,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002547481374475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207782784035716,0.0,0.20716392439100612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12053625742156937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149540586319026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11663661164200324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981945239580408,0.0,0.0,0.13959325076914508,0.11662132217705445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13858942063604401,0.11849097708219156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1523087354331026,0.0,0.0,0.1510087344211916,0.08943157373903236,0.0,0.11408180765849338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13692637847781958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046110501687774,0.0,0.0,0.12988968908797907,0.2308557913319837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121293365425996,0.0,0.1389612509321214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18151386734181066,0.0,0.13581898744049006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035128982876718,0.0,0.0,0.07441325646843472,0.11037049174769573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563825484267936,0.06615045184766664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807637884045118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13077184638792372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14208135144630268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12925628398554315,0.093870519393371,0.0,0.2829320036782709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967744055829486,0.0,0.0,0.12956118090991767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11563234804233752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703379189133125,0.0,0.2465293215857995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443202414427021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1276145396384929,0.0,0.0,0.21766158295615304,0.0,0.0,0.15484369261947692,0.1572118588180368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790768953319936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043631769434446,0.09192889497075273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798594302738873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08719428267597418 ptsd,MrSadBanana,2019/01/15,Dose going outside your comfort zone cause immense disoceation for anyone else? Just in search of some advice.,6.881666666666668,10.637633833333336,4.308888888888891,80.20000000000002,71.77777777777777,3.6,31.222222222222207,3.1291,1.5136888888888893,91,4,11,0,2,25,18,18,0.0,0.872,0.128,0.3612,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571202392787576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270905500229572,0.4793074625540745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4805505188161096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907796011487854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26585657309712896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,matts2,2019/01/15,"Looking for an honorable animal using organization in L.A. So I ""have"" a well trained guide dog with endless love. For irrelevant reasons she can no longer work as a guide dog. I know that my Jaycee can offer comfort for someone in need. Does anyone know some worthwhile organization in the L.A. area that can help her transition to a new career? TIA",4.583177083333332,7.241609296875001,5.348125,75.71770833333336,73.21875,8.016666666666666,29.416666666666664,8.841846274778883,2.7019041666666674,281,12,48,6,6,91,49,64,0.028999999999999998,0.6809999999999999,0.29,0.9613,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,5,0,4,1,0,2,0,7,10,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,5,4,9,10,1,5,0,0,1,1,5,4,0,1,1,29,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22365714696287206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799161443529664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143988645551969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515790375320185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2686061621175827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886907821753302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2371759523855556,0.0,0.3089277507217681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3288746430302232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27102069977348897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762607856494225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875971800567185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328656354934559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TTthrowawaY3123,2019/01/15,"How to release traumas when you feel watched? I always feel watched; in fact, I **WAS** watched, it's a part of my traumatic experiences, but I can't shake off the feeling. I'm not paranoid, this feeling isn't really scaring me, but it's limiting me from doing normal everyday activities because I feel like my abusers are always watching me. I can't turn off my mind, it's full of my abuser's words, so whatever I do, there's their 'voice' in my head, judging me, and that's limiting me from doing things that I want. I don't know what to do, I feel really helpless. My therapist says that I'm not clinically paranoid, but this is a consequence of long term extreme abuse. Anyone else feels this way? What can help? I thought about dancing to release traumas, but I feel watched when I dance and I expect someone to come in the room I'm in. I used to write, but my abusers read every one of my writings and from then, I can't write at all even if it's not happening anymore. I used to paint, but they always abused me into telling them why did I paint the thing that I painted. They find every razor I take, I know that's not a good coping mechanism, but it's still a release... they stalk me on the internet. Whenver I got out of my house, they followed me (no guys, this is not paranoia, I 'just' have overcontrolling parents (if that's the word)), so now even though they let me go out of my house, I always expect them to appear out of nowhere (as they did maaaany times). I really don't feel free even inside of my own mind, because I've been so abused that they were yelling at me - You think this, you think that. They behaved as they know what is going on in my head, which is why I, for a long time, had to tell them every thought of mine just to not be abused (not literally every thought, but I did that when they get suspicious). So yup, I feel like they know my thoughts, but I feel like that for a reason. I really have no idea what to do. I'm constantly whining about this on the Internet and I don't even know why. I can't talk to my therapist because I also feel watched in their office, but they say I'm not paranoid because my abuse history is that specific that even if I got paranoid, it would be an understandable reaction to this behavior of my 'parents' (I hate calling them parents). I have no friends (they stalk everyone new I meet, everyone I follow on Instagram etc, **especially** those of the opposite gender of mine). I have no hobbies (for obvious reason; they destroyed my every opportunity to have one). I have no life basically. I don't know what to do. I don't want to study, I don't want to live in this environment. When I get angry, they threaten me with hospital... (hospital was my escape for a long time, but meds physically destroyed me and they are required when you're in hospital, and besides that, I was also abused in hospitals... so no thanks, really). I feel helpless and I feel like my life is basically pointless. I see no point in going to therapist. I see no point in living and trying to find life inside of myself because every time I do something new, they have to ask questions and be suspicious and stalk, stalk, stalk. They blame me, of course. Ahh I know I'm not going to get any help for this anyways, i don't know why I'm posting. i guess i'm venting. ahh",2.82472077922078,4.611270156060608,4.22127705627706,85.78977272727275,75.46969696969697,7.502164502164503,27.69480519480519,8.306716005460428,1.8916168831168831,2573,105,528,46,56,851,232,660,0.16899999999999998,0.748,0.083,-0.9972,4,0,1,0,10,2,113.0,0,3,24,4,27,19,3,2,15,1,49,6,2,5,3,101,113,41,0,10,25,3,14,4,1,1,4,4,1,1,37,16,0,3,35,3,1,11,29,10,0,2,15,26,114,10,70,93,6,60,0,3,8,0,46,27,0,6,24,359,151,2,0.0,0.5151468382476891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07726574703746797,0.16078859625053568,0.0,0.0,0.032851932774161874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047909774761939236,0.033778936635417194,0.0494985147243182,0.0,0.0,0.045162608480976696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724429010398687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049329124795489225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041614123774862635,0.0,0.0522051151121457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04035616248984253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053877561057559004,0.1595389529309945,0.0,0.24421565737516546,0.09232307840509762,0.0,0.047255696438110575,0.0,0.0,0.3419723727620166,0.1380484933344175,0.0,0.0,0.08830752145785119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0373235910119165,0.0,0.07571873584829877,0.0,0.10982099404738883,0.0405194898368554,0.07727460820899103,0.0,0.05321806291948804,0.04783373254610538,0.04271969225933733,0.0,0.0,0.047695362814931946,0.0991584137225838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476131667473714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11148472985092793,0.0,0.054535240085236525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21239591387806572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04939946039477392,0.10236671278270923,0.09440579770616564,0.0,0.08531586974111073,0.12825644418296828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05366066363445006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755710112004072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09331471011105097,0.0,0.0,0.04733278806240978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06547116856311164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609250476319341,0.052314188039693815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133567393472647,0.0,0.04626688812569135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541173933243897,0.0,0.048322302840235615,0.0,0.1547406477967716,0.09933986799677366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683487685866708,0.048365966519534107,0.0,0.07699240287040028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040932253535608434,0.03719080518046807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03857981322330963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036322528558990264,0.03882912889295553,0.0844487921056796,0.04447664813651344,0.0,0.1682722172642579,0.06418901119907479,0.0619092074711331,0.0474635728779044,0.15340852867960872,0.11267800126784065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03279879584929228,0.05254656954362602,0.0,0.050291611809831535,0.0,0.08344732730451516,0.0,0.0,0.0854821059367231,0.03834561790773525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.174366263052516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034317490702745125,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,8Erinyes8,2019/01/15,"I couldn't stay quiet after my male co-worker admitted his girlfriend is trying to frame him for assault. Now I may lose my job for stepping in.(Trigger domestic violence) Background - I have C-PTSD from years of abuse starting from when I was 3 to 25. I am thankful for the few times people stepped in to protect me. For the past few weeks, a co-worker has been emotionally, verbally, and physically assaulted by his girlfriend. I let him know if my background so he could come to me for advice or just to vent I was hoping my bosses were doing something about it. He is currently sleeping in his car in below 20° F weather because she kicked him out of the house. She calls the work phone number if he doesn't answer his cell phone to scream at him. A few days ago I noticed scratches on his face and neck. He admitted to me that she is trying to set him up for assault charges and is laying the foundation by telling everyone he abuses her. I know abusers. This guy is far from one and is more of a push-over. I immediately went into action as I know male survivors are rarely listened to. She was on the work phone berating him as he sobbed listening to her. I took the phone from him and walked outside. I uttered the word ""bitch"" to shock her into silence. As soon as I said that she stopped and asked if I called her a bitch. I continued as I knew she would start up soon. I told her that she is abusing him, needs to stop calling work, and I would be going to the cops. My goal was to make sure she knew she wasn't working in the dark. Someone knew what she was doing. She started screaming that she will have my job for calling her a bitch and hung up. Later on she did call my boss to complain about me. After she hung up, I went to the cops to file a report. Now cops trigger my PTSD hard and I had to go to these cops before to drop off a wallet I found. The same one who dealt with me before took my report. He knew it was bad if I felt like I had to come to them. I told them what I saw on him and what he told me about her trying to get him in jail. The cop said I did the right thing. My bosses want a statement from me on what happened. I fear she will succeed in getting me fired for saying the word bitch to get her to be silent so I could say my peace. From the few weeks of seeing him breaking down, I know she is tenacious. She wants me fired.",3.087490892531875,4.1623600532786895,4.011420765027324,90.4466029143898,73.46721311475409,6.733697632058287,25.235883424408016,6.937597516519254,0.8337224954462656,1838,57,404,16,36,592,221,488,0.151,0.7979999999999999,0.051,-0.9944,3,0,1,0,4,0,49.0,0,0,2,7,11,20,7,1,24,0,40,3,3,5,1,57,83,23,0,13,6,0,5,1,2,5,0,9,0,3,14,16,0,3,14,0,0,13,3,15,0,2,29,16,93,5,78,43,6,63,0,2,2,0,81,24,5,7,23,280,107,13,0.0,0.3686200428436071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07600442045526244,0.06894610196630321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07271256122251482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494194431354812,0.04741315800375726,0.0,0.13236784650284852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971036137401063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339988820165496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12419988521341385,0.0,0.0,0.05016081052417566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08749053998599017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07432085652901729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752263246800329,0.0,0.0,0.07467972475692344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08528030191963704,0.0,0.0,0.12190844154584105,0.0,0.0884068261530086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701311601000928,0.06877942491126195,0.0,0.06967441498126979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725177338685406,0.0,0.08974614750248161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15436666580783248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098050146700527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953396424892492,0.0,0.03799873156330953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701444164850186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051917869128859526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05767190154376557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855153632745713,0.0,0.0,0.10540968541398762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07424854556319717,0.05392193958631236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18183821633873345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664225629692498,0.14797066099907202,0.12370544739379932,0.0,0.0,0.061979533464509885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783484523679136,0.0,0.06590161842483243,0.059877823481752177,0.0,0.0,0.16515643821255072,0.08290171813734475,0.0,0.13005290900770786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07330548015704087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06798198966671888,0.07160815350071525,0.0,0.0,0.05167269521856102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0453533705270232,0.0,0.0,0.22296256958705185,0.17282993823244105,0.1584198431909211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917517546839898,0.0,0.12477872214607615,0.0,0.0,0.14420322081541687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397428078527969,0.0,0.0,0.11050347744096796,0.0,0.0,0.05008691624494994 ptsd,squidkidqueer,2019/01/15,"voluntary hospital admission I have so much anxiety and fear about going back, I haven't had a good experience once. But I know right now if I don't seek help, I'll end up dead within a week or two. Ain't life a bitch : / Currently uninsured, chronic pain & hell brain, and unmedicated. Not doing well my dudes. I'll post again on how I'm doing after I get back 👍",2.718,4.175647400000003,4.8610000000000015,82.47550000000003,75.0,8.733333333333334,24.5,9.2995712137729,1.9178,285,9,61,7,6,99,59,75,0.306,0.654,0.039,-0.9627,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,8,6,2,1,3,0,7,4,1,1,0,8,11,7,1,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,1,0,6,2,5,10,1,14,1,0,0,0,1,4,2,2,8,36,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569069634581668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813873554619776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3646436052646255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.264691505344045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21000775573381109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23193761305573715,0.0,0.2668129854647985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12387940629374895,0.0,0.13475422617101376,0.19887536240852408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15892883123156662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030863208255827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16747674748784985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430203143373246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525128168393505,0.0,0.0,0.252300164113607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22708440260622975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024893656452587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23162055378574944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901941385872296,0.0,0.21318901938560086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CarefulShape,2019/01/15,"people with PTSD are weak i grew up abused as hell yet still I didn't get it, why? because of my thinking and not being weak-minded. Just change your way of thinking and you should be good, the past is the past has already happened no need to dwell on it move on to the future or choose to suffer like a pathetic person all your life instead of processing in life.",3.00382882882883,4.604514337837841,3.5713513513513497,91.4247747747748,74.54054054054055,6.014414414414415,23.144144144144143,6.42735559955562,0.4609171171171176,287,8,60,2,6,90,59,74,0.23199999999999998,0.6890000000000001,0.079,-0.9359999999999999,0,0,0,0,1,0,6.0,0,3,0,0,4,6,1,1,4,0,7,3,0,0,1,12,12,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,1,0,6,2,12,8,1,12,1,1,0,0,4,4,1,1,6,41,8,0,0.0,0.2598992409975311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24206317106115105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13371648143072465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23204800028325115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460368490199314,0.0,0.0,0.1839841669420907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939744805278287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3098731737863799,0.10716554006113073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22148553759097586,0.0,0.0,0.2331391437963713,0.0,0.16264859959845734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4187974259496828,0.15207280714839572,0.19153190885021265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25641369929975466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517680566194754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811070427708389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411341048567114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1979333388678487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kward94,2019/01/15,My PTSD has manifested itself as Schizophrenia.. I think The flash blacks seem to make make me blurt out random words or sentences. It’s happens mostly when I’m alone and the things I say are usually unrelated to the flashback. Has anyone had similar experiences?,5.890531914893613,8.453217148936176,6.064840425531916,72.50875,69.0,8.955319148936171,30.89893617021277,9.516144504307137,3.2661957446808523,214,9,34,5,4,68,40,47,0.045,0.9279999999999999,0.027000000000000003,-0.2023,0,1,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,4,0,0,2,0,10,10,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,4,0,4,9,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,4,2,22,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3279230526089866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2213882144469444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097153225928043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279986208361021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226929010333412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3701120850712192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2517891012761459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28823915014103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21034840039307487,0.2028774476797604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34871243242857386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,99999speedruns,2019/09/29,"Fear of Objects Involved in the Abuse? First time poster here, also on mobile. I was curious if anyone else has a fear of certain objects that they were abused with. For me, it would be belts. I'll have panic attacks from anyone picking them up or bracing it like they'll hit me. Even being too close to them is mental agony.",1.981428571428573,4.4824912500000025,2.725714285714286,91.805,81.8125,4.2821428571428575,21.642857142857146,5.288315135182226,0.07368571428571391,256,8,49,1,7,80,54,64,0.287,0.627,0.086,-0.9517,0,0,0,0,3,0,8.0,0,0,4,1,4,6,1,3,2,0,9,0,0,1,1,7,10,3,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,2,0,7,2,9,3,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,2,3,36,10,0,0.0,0.5176880783844711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747055296910394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3055101254339212,0.22384211802516493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24853426425619046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18249858480412195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442933685201917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4916653263667942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.185825311296327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067304434794556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2201602629625628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563203567452992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738807719337628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551905112101762,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Sarah_Harrison224488,2019/09/29,PTSD from a mental hospital? I’m currently a junior in high school. Back in my freshman year I was admitted against my will into an inpatient mental hospital. During my two weeks there another kid got extremely angry and told us that he was going to kill us. He had to be restrained by security. Keep in mind this kid was about 18 and over 6 feet tall. My therapist says I have ptsd from this experience. I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this too? Or am I just being over dramatic. I get flash backs. I have a hard time sleeping because I can’t stop thinking about my time in the hospital. Whenever someone gets angry or loud near me I almost completely shut down just from anxiety and a feeling of panic. If anyone has had a similar experience please let me know that I’m not the only one.,3.4671428571428606,5.6420130254777074,5.318603275705192,76.90472929936305,74.79617834394905,9.326478616924476,28.411737943585077,9.784248007369934,3.135378889899909,643,27,117,19,14,220,103,157,0.14,0.812,0.048,-0.9376,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,2,0,0,0,9,3,1,1,8,0,16,2,2,0,0,22,29,7,1,2,8,0,2,0,0,1,0,2,0,2,5,4,0,4,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,2,8,5,17,1,19,17,0,21,0,0,0,0,9,12,0,6,8,82,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768382980140512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441780598089203,0.10518516915333498,0.0,0.0,0.19228282117548773,0.14088238119978302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21145409614002306,0.0,0.08381716632693187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14416345518746615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11486147209304355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2689977699950804,0.0,0.0,0.0695228395777981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14367348013245718,0.0,0.07814296667937266,0.0,0.10996926747596376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12317070355773345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14527359988019772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221404682957925,0.15212055106022668,0.0,0.07556499995732475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406004533501886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27713016983023064,0.0,0.13883322343394489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09317182726062692,0.1045730028696196,0.0,0.16132362634361738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093090501037845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3214543106841449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109343487085715,0.0,0.1391547550779874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.137596744109012,0.0,0.1165011390359286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11495402083042595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964513137407366,0.0,0.08810281091565385,0.0,0.0,0.16035173192425745,0.0,0.0,0.13138470111522702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343150247011025,0.0,0.3307849936793414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11029215674002232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14911011396105728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0885438466126511 ptsd,throwaway_mugged,2019/09/29,"Just wondering about something I was mugged a few months ago at a party on a beach (I’m 16M, had just finished exams) and I got mugged outside the toilets on the beach by a decently big group of guys around my age. The thing is, I’ve not gone a single day since it happened without replaying it in my mind and thinking about the people that did it (one of the guys was someone I went to primary school with). I just can’t seem to get it out of my head, and I obsessively check the guy from my primary school’s Instagram story whenever he puts something up and I don’t even know why. I reported it but asked them not to investigate because I was scared they’d find out. All they took was my headphones and £20, but he slapped me, choked me, and threatened to kill me, and I can’t stop dwelling on it. Is this normal for someone who’s been mugged, or should I talk to someone about it? Thanks in advance",6.831720430107524,5.148921741935486,6.997956989247314,81.70026881720433,65.45161290322581,10.41720430107527,35.182795698924735,9.150863307647796,2.7785311827957004,708,27,155,10,9,229,113,186,0.124,0.838,0.038,-0.9565,0,0,2,0,1,1,18.0,0,0,3,1,8,5,1,3,11,0,14,1,1,0,1,30,27,10,1,2,9,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,11,11,0,1,5,2,1,5,6,4,0,1,11,0,21,1,26,14,3,22,0,0,0,0,12,11,0,3,6,102,32,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115815029664718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13171630932205355,0.13832319393397768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901954124474618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542235076533986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772658519311657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13523331387721346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730331008664358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833761353672426,0.0,0.0,0.4395127885282323,0.1308410757469244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185026898204895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1636964889876463,0.0,0.08131527986950529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14939803381317265,0.0,0.11810074454169135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14496997943221945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026193626586097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102577254621368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487412766016978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481343791181546,0.2994880661875041,0.0,0.1346977792141922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239454274161513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3760996254022126,0.2278146072853857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237016923341498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189251309168746,0.0,0.13622224739989572,0.0,0.0,0.09829845244943956,0.09480718230586144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16438967808165253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13716096464897184,0.1335114336338403,0.0,0.0,0.1426287447518059,0.16045696625375164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,beelzebubskale,2019/09/29,"Accidental panic attack We have a fun fun thing going on at my house: a rat infestation! It’s an older house, so it was mostly due to old holes and gaps that come with the territory. I had spent most of the day clearing off areas my dad needed to caulk after he finished up in the crawl space. I went to join him after finishing everything else up, and put on an extra breathing mask (the kind with multiple straps and filters). That mask gave me the biggest surprise panic attack I’ve ever had from my 4 years living with PTSD. Breathing in it was so difficult, my brain just automatically thought it was the result of another panic attack and rolled with it. I was gasping for breathe, took me a few minutes to remember it was cuz of the damn mask, not an attack. I took the thing off and needless to say didn’t join him down there. I’ve never had such an unexpected trigger like that in years. This is such a weird disease.",5.760364635364635,6.027278423076925,6.552837162837168,77.55125374625378,66.96703296703296,9.035764235764237,30.281718281718287,8.841846274778883,2.3271142857142864,731,25,140,11,11,242,110,182,0.156,0.7490000000000001,0.094,-0.9106,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,0,0,7,15,5,3,16,0,11,4,4,3,3,24,20,8,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,12,11,0,0,2,0,1,6,3,10,0,0,15,1,13,5,27,5,4,32,0,0,0,0,7,14,1,2,13,98,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320405296386127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5730192611778696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14057095173543094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847092690682772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120947772210667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051919385677422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390394568729748,0.0,0.0,0.11317085976885505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715645551171334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905948962979782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311287165961424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06151928392129205,0.0,0.11119171366850443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0933698031325208,0.09711905439332402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13213429017347353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4432281255663351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1471964510189767,0.12658670942039713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14264543903925922,0.0,0.0,0.10013848130891102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16731438536745616,0.0,0.0,0.09996825471633247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798086568365145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167312502119709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16217968834466434 ptsd,trashbin438,2019/09/29,"Is it a PTSD thing to dream about objects from a traumatizing moment? Like not even in a negative way I often just dream of ciggeretts and butterfly knifes and locks, when I wake up I don’t feel bad or anything its just a constant image in my dreams.",9.8158,6.4175117800000026,9.264,73.17200000000003,61.2,12.4,39.0,10.125756701596842,3.6657999999999986,199,7,40,3,2,64,41,50,0.126,0.648,0.226,0.5264,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,2,1,1,0,0,8,3,4,0,0,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,4,1,7,3,0,7,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,2,4,30,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3384854218141409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434391878305869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4444961912053244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716762783661177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20797827523171905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2009526145950789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4808169049760714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27326604810595123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264906335861625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,afatcatfromsweden,2019/09/29,"I’m feeling like shit A lot has happened to me recently. My best friend died, my father almost died a week later and today he went out hunting and told noone. All of the trauma i am experiencing right now brings back trauma from the past. I don’t know if i would ever be able to get over it, all i can do to cope with the anger and hatred growing inside of me is writing rap songs about it.",6.338902439024391,4.62609154878049,7.083048780487808,80.7933536585366,66.4390243902439,9.175609756097561,29.03658536585366,7.1686216300943375,1.4997951219512196,305,7,66,2,4,102,63,82,0.244,0.624,0.132,-0.9217,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,2,0,5,0,8,1,1,0,3,15,16,4,2,2,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,2,0,3,1,4,0,0,2,3,8,3,10,12,4,15,0,0,0,0,5,3,1,3,10,44,10,0,0.2236543786988956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2239575534588759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719764118585486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23471147206585824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4642358692337856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20230818998797914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308637393233432,0.15977873283074895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17279481818409265,0.0,0.11685018187611147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977768284535049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291459746560453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10926623221324576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901429548135322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21350341148854568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22083171709986998,0.0,0.0,0.1909996173820932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295780057346331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21199819978646425,0.21371134334463146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940205196809678,0.0,0.0,0.2073298497512132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15887765367008413,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Tenspeedhero,2019/09/29,"Medical emergency This is my first post on r/ptsd. I was diagnosed with ptsd from my work as a first responder. I have been working on stabilization with my therapist so far. I think I've gotten myself into a pretty good routine that keeps me in my window of tolerance. The my of times. I've had to resort to clonazepam to calm myself has decreased. The other day while grocery shopping I heard a ""code 66"" being called over the PA system. I never heard that code before but I could tell my the tone of the voice it was an emergency call. I immediately felt like I had just heard the pager/tones go off. I froze for a few seconds (felt like forever) debating if I should intervene or just standby. Of course the part of me that made me become a first responder won't let me standby and not do anything. So I dropped my cart and went searching. Turns out that is was not a serious emergency and already being handled by staff and an off duty RN. I still did a proper assessment of the situation and patient. I felt meek and dumbfounded while talking. Like it was my very first Rideout as a student. Afterwards I felt like a was in a daze and had so many of my hyperarousal symptoms. Luckily I was heading to my therapist appointment immediately afterwards. I almost swerved off the road while driving by over reacting to someone crossing into my lane. My therapist successfully brought me back into my window. Made me really appreciate his expertise. I was critical of myself. ""If I can't handle a minor emergency how am I ever going to handle a real one again"" he said to me ""as soon as the announcement was made you were triggered. You didn't know it was minor. Could have been a massive heart attack. You still responded anyway. Your body could not tell the difference"". Just wanted to share that with you guys. I'm discovering new things about myself everyday. The next time I doubt my injury I'll use that situation to remind myself. Don't minimalize your trauma/feelings just because you feel the need to be strong to help others. I know I will always respond no matter what. I cannot stand by and do nothing. But maybe one day I'll be able to do it without being triggered. A lot of work a head for me.",3.4679729075955517,5.773712584905662,4.930660377358488,79.07607160135461,75.27358490566037,8.122302854378328,27.852926947266567,8.914623046629139,2.549037687469763,1752,72,314,40,39,585,218,424,0.08,0.8109999999999999,0.109,0.8757,0,0,0,0,0,0,46.0,0,7,0,9,16,13,1,1,30,0,41,7,4,8,2,59,67,24,0,8,13,1,6,4,0,3,3,5,2,1,15,15,0,2,8,1,1,6,11,4,0,7,31,11,58,9,49,24,3,48,0,0,0,0,26,15,0,6,27,239,73,7,0.08646516359673316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0865823714751239,0.0,0.09541645812149273,0.0,0.07194594269232082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115346233071093,0.0,0.0,0.0983666061075881,0.0,0.06648637362985818,0.0,0.052708361187935225,0.09549397996969672,0.07357548576060283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09604330458014522,0.0,0.0,0.17658119883420706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20710619219278573,0.0,0.0,0.11152575487076044,0.0,0.0,0.087760320973289,0.0,0.09033769278662186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821269069728241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08743876940397152,0.0,0.33208046640483896,0.0,0.0,0.2941888959385277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09828029012500096,0.07252287691303884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08561410599442144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17747640610109966,0.0,0.0,0.10246163517565997,0.05795577655146494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07685421023906491,0.0,0.0,0.09503798530676903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884164879717242,0.0,0.16897004563700202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07350959006643175,0.0,0.2454462853062665,0.0,0.08766210464302747,0.08686587854080614,0.0,0.0,0.08710455572713999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411282321086788,0.06668726457405501,0.08350859380026257,0.09195668241101984,0.0,0.0,0.08296565644942339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718206517833725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363334620658004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08280972554686182,0.08796615616530272,0.0,0.0,0.20214629837127385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841628580643892,0.05539179786711791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224817090372415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943809332621377,0.0,0.0,0.07326165252545065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381023826799124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987041189684893,0.0,0.06949742325686882,0.1511487281797996,0.0,0.0,0.3011781577131276,0.05744361265533456,0.0554033855225016,0.0,0.0,0.10083706445536318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404926889648553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0746781397198495,0.0,0.07134281533178707,0.050999393724494434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015407291157711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833493321906924,0.0,0.18884300668065004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Amyhindsman,2019/09/29,"Suicide Has anyone wanted to commit suicide but didn’t because of your children? I want to so badly but I have a daughter that is more important. I stay alive because of her. I don’t want her to grow up with the mom who committed suicide, I want her to ha e a normal life.",1.8705263157894727,3.575895350877193,3.968280701754389,86.91663157894739,77.94736842105263,5.963508771929827,27.18947368421053,6.742157984588678,1.29108,213,9,43,2,5,73,39,57,0.235,0.504,0.261,-0.4947,0,0,0,0,0,4,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,5,1,0,0,2,10,9,3,3,5,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,9,1,8,8,1,3,0,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,0,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588139031642233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17420025327064606,0.25436208354767753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736400718237178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443490271916678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20441652751309636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223755455545299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6846335411506107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4922297622260383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kupkake2128,2019/09/29,"Something i need to get off my chest Warning. I am going into brutal detail about my childhood rape. I was raped when i was 2 years old by a family member. After my parents found out that night, they called the police. Sadly we werent lucky. The officers were corrupt and sent us to a run down building they said was a hospital. There, they questioned me, abused me, and violently violated my body while my parents were locked out of the room. My parents, especially my father, are extremely traumatized from hearing my screams and cries for help. They did what was supposed to be a “rape kit” on me. It was violent. I was restrained and held down on a cold metal table while they used a dry cold speculum to get “samples”. I remember very vividly that they forced me to watch the backyardigans while they hurt me. It all happened 14 years ago but it still feels so fresh. I remember one of the doctors was messing around with my labia and touched me a lot more than he should’ve. Sadly, we were never given names. If we were, we wouldve taken them to court. After they were done, i had passed out from pain and shock. I woke up in my mothers car to my parents sobbing and holding me. I remember asking my dad why they hurt me, and if i did something wrong and he just lost it. I’ve never seen a man so heartbroken. I bled for 3 days after the assault(s) and wouldnt eat drink or sleep. The little food i did eat i would throw back up. Everytime someone said the word “doctor” i’d go fucking insane and sob so much i’d vomit. I’m in therapy. My parents have gotten help too. Im putting this out there because i know my story is a very strange one and i need people to know how corrupt the CPS can really be.",2.9118924949290097,4.745343394117646,3.9753549695740378,87.44323529411766,75.3529411764706,6.689655172413794,25.841784989858013,7.503015589744147,1.3063052738336705,1334,48,268,17,29,432,191,340,0.217,0.757,0.026000000000000002,-0.9962,6,0,3,0,1,0,38.0,5,0,10,1,13,21,8,0,18,0,26,15,3,2,3,52,52,24,0,6,5,8,2,0,0,2,4,4,1,1,8,23,4,3,8,1,0,8,3,20,0,2,28,12,53,1,36,20,4,43,0,7,3,4,36,17,3,6,18,179,61,2,0.0,0.11086261831775246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294226573056973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329523635496831,0.08747332195539807,0.0,0.0,0.07194791169189976,0.0,0.05703810133015388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10393280335908224,0.0,0.0,0.09554325049296893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10277990481768036,0.06034353149929085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154134689620275,0.0,0.09575241077476193,0.0,0.09166088490347801,0.0,0.19148656789825416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08820745469987226,0.0,0.04731072335625256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314263236019187,0.1025923331656775,0.0,0.08650198238579421,0.09777069396842394,0.0,0.10635354658284953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274175297936041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545778285067606,0.0,0.125433133609431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033266691041687,0.0,0.10106934927112844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10284490190869316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377958072553201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021403764104918,0.07954805181662405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878314597735524,0.13875877088361346,0.1443306097354584,0.0,0.0,0.08780710175107087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818373328916166,0.0,0.12680801218400636,0.0,0.0995628041485833,0.0,0.5194801989100224,0.0,0.0,0.06486817549252452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09406154677463124,0.10481742151021292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059941969516731225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31798244929061525,0.0,0.17800893067038673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363543743028334,0.0,0.07927974739077394,0.1440662257894992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747234169275934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10700300681898726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11255061948994922,0.08081259224320468,0.0,0.15440657377161507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443044356360055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646792587737806,0.10230177057755006,0.0,0.1205092731375536 ptsd,0ctodad,2019/09/29,"Exactly who can diagnose me with PTSD if not my therapist or psychiatrist? (more details and story inside) So after spending some time with my therapist, she thinks I may have PTSD but says she's not qualified to actually diagnose me with it. So I talked to my psychiatrist and he pretty much said the same. He also said that only war veterans get it. I promise you, I'm not exaggerating. My ""clinic"" feels very ghetto and bootleg and probably shouldn't be treating people if they're all the same. But anyway, that's a bit off topic. I was told that I would have to check somewhere else for help and/or proper diagnosis regarding PTSD but I'm kinda stumped. What do I do?",4.037713068181817,6.1865425156250025,5.6341193181818205,75.39440340909094,73.0625,9.029545454545453,28.04261363636364,9.573946990214177,2.8879437500000007,534,21,95,14,11,181,87,128,0.042,0.857,0.10099999999999999,0.7641,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,4,3,1,0,3,0,10,3,0,0,2,27,18,13,1,4,9,0,1,0,0,3,3,3,0,0,7,7,0,0,2,0,2,0,4,1,0,0,4,4,15,2,9,10,7,3,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,6,2,67,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.15869295180241555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004657342823134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17753812749677272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33011027686274536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584753528551216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08222519031484643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08496185799393204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900027045834593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954387646652714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12367928460585155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127397278432179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16544226276883053,0.17533108021395602,0.0,0.5702796814841071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309376335083671,0.1293213725145808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070721128945625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37762701839537305,0.0,0.10419986350968902,0.0,0.0,0.0948246055171046,0.0,0.0,0.15538968372501147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341779306419811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552006537600785,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway12038204r4r,2019/09/29,"Worst Flashback Yet (TW for.... Flashbacks?) Hi all, I'm not sure what to even say. I'm posting during a brief reprieve in what I think has probably got to be my worst flashback ever. The trauma was more than six years ago, and I have come so far in my treatment and recovery since then. Tonight my boyfriend did something that set me off big time. It wasn't really his fault but it's really bad. This is the worst things have ever been. I can smell the smells from what happened, which I've never even remembered before. I cant stop shaking and I've bitten myself and hit myself to try to keep from screaming. I'm normally not like this at all, and I'm embarrassed and ashamed and feel out of control. &#x200B; I was able to get up and eat a few bites of ice cream because I thought the cold would help, and that has snapped me back to reality for a minute. I took a xanax (though it was a tough choice... I'm a student and my university services won't prescribe benzos for long term b/c they think students abuse them so I am almost at the end of what they'll prescribe me. So I didn't want to take one because I try really hard to save them and stretch them out, but I think I really really had to tonight.) And frankly I am drinking a little bit, too, right now which I know is not the right thing to do but I'm just trying to do anything I can to keep my shit together right now. &#x200B; I don't even know why I'm posting or what I'm hoping to get out of it except that i need to say all of this to someone who I know knows what I'm talking about. I feel like I want to crawl out of my skin. I'm with it enough right now to know intellectually that this is just a flashback and it will end eventually but at the same time I feel totally out of control and I can't see the end of this.",2.1663480790622067,3.6324729814323646,3.456882005647301,91.93903568067086,76.48010610079575,6.56212886112775,24.362881834516983,7.233258080335977,0.7952112432617442,1402,46,319,16,31,457,180,377,0.142,0.802,0.055999999999999994,-0.9856,0,0,2,0,1,0,45.0,0,0,5,2,18,17,1,3,16,0,29,5,2,2,8,67,66,24,0,6,11,0,5,2,0,4,1,3,0,0,26,21,2,5,13,1,0,4,10,12,0,2,11,13,39,5,46,49,13,48,0,0,2,0,12,20,1,3,23,209,65,3,0.08882816612566025,0.10524685156969142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07874080968554334,0.0,0.08894857717283627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19249056177027413,0.21587188913993333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07309801207115392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830337671516178,0.0741678083599485,0.10829765119394533,0.0,0.07558622686935974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697735111589853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651759973390157,0.0,0.0,0.19925668304440744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08701778556711337,0.0,0.09089338992253457,0.0,0.0,0.23602616877236746,0.0917832408733494,0.0,0.1760104979028346,0.16070032353828972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13474256934267922,0.06345885962887851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092818101106608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104399905809572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855045394539771,0.0,0.079572589218649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05953964733664921,0.0,0.0,0.08822641182960486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15790911092036627,0.0,0.0,0.2440881852271397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867939101700323,0.08902915845446413,0.0,0.07861013176183554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586495964457101,0.06850975779884866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08703274279769503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06019226425775575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17014565755068767,0.0,0.09577178697994132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28452798897643233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10062499620426543,0.3034350740898398,0.0,0.14127944600930167,0.0,0.0,0.07078454778071354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09118083603294314,0.07347957694408701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526381689997752,0.06838426203508265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426432434303641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08371949533526937,0.0,0.06678772612482334,0.0713967151806755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180269730733251,0.1707525063875336,0.08727322221322785,0.0705196417013337,0.10359283601012388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986913609777099,0.18092548189608373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478630767868012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015360359100009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06310098061107637,0.0,0.21587188913993333,0.057202426639099774 ptsd,mikehiler2,2019/09/29,"Interesting thought... I wasn’t always so closed off. I wasn’t always “ant-social.” I was the guy the crack a joke (sometimes dark) at any moment. I would talk to people all the time. Now. I’m not saying that I *don’t* still talk to people (and that’s how some have always been surprised to learn that I do, in fact, have PTSD). I’m a very outspoken and talkative guy. I’ll say my peace with no f**cks given. That’s just who I am now (Infantry, what can I say). But, just a few minutes ago I had a moment of clarity. I describe myself as anti-social. I don’t associate with people. I won’t talk to my neighbors, except to say a quick hi, and my name is... blah blah blah. And I quickly forget them. Some people find that upsetting (and believe me, I understand fully). But, during my time in I was told never to get too close to anyone, that in war anyone could die. Obviously (and understandably) I ignored their advise and made friends. Many of them died. So I closed myself off, understanding that they (those that told me no to make too many friends in the beginning) were right. Then I met my wife (future, at the time), and I slowly let my guard down. I was an NCO at the time, so my choice of friends were limited anyway, but I made a good friend. Could draw so much better than me it was silly. He was a mechanic, and I was regular grunt, but we made a connection. We even lived next to each other. Literally the next house over. Well, he got killed in Afghanistan (I wasn’t with him, I was back at the FOB) and that really hurt me. I lost more friends than most people know exist in a short amount of time, but loosing *this* guy hurt me. So I shut up again completely. I made another “for life” friend who was in my old unit when I was there in my last duty station, but that was because of my wife. I swear, I wouldn’t have been friends with myself if I heard what I said. I was like “Who are these people? I don’t know them? Why would I want to talk with them for??” Little did I know that they (the guy that was in the same unit and me and his wife and two kids) would become the longest lasting friendship I have had in a long time? But you want to know the kicker? If it was up to me, I would have never talked to them. At all. Not ever. It was my *wife* demanded that we talk to them. It took me quite awhile to open up, and at least three months before I even found out that he was in the same unit as me at the same time. Well, I guess the moral of this story is to find someone that understands what’s going on with you, that gets you and at the same time helps you. A long lasting friendship could form if you just reach out. By myself I would have never known them. But now, even though we live many States away, we know that either can come to the other (they’ve asked us once, and we said “Of Course” and they lived in our house, no questions asked for about 5 months once) and ask anything and it will be given freely. I swear, if it wasn’t for my wife, I would’ve been dead a long time ago.",1.3841875104451022,3.2459738788368355,2.5644869366609093,95.68521405492731,80.0016155088853,5.625992980892431,18.265305554008133,6.566583216259969,-0.2491507659740404,2297,47,530,21,58,734,254,619,0.086,0.802,0.11199999999999999,0.9535,0,0,0,0,0,0,113.0,8,5,11,4,30,23,2,1,30,0,56,1,0,6,8,113,96,42,5,15,19,5,0,4,8,8,1,7,1,5,35,39,0,4,16,1,0,3,17,7,2,2,44,7,94,16,72,39,17,83,1,3,0,0,74,39,0,9,41,374,129,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986886673767805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13895510392994972,0.0,0.0,0.03785462268995275,0.05837039836694422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07784558126255706,0.0,0.045808173855484635,0.0,0.1561199015741973,0.0,0.05229980982101859,0.04280353003908168,0.0,0.03393332796248892,0.06147845365939381,0.04736745806631999,0.06271624435900211,0.0,0.04923183722697914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0479511194942352,0.058364485694978686,0.0,0.0,0.13333372892551065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11554453171352055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110300119796352,0.0503528628939252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175498435516772,0.0,0.0,0.0610346278463416,0.30105057301560223,0.0,0.058166119596914666,0.0,0.03163613174358743,0.04668979478035195,0.0445209899425759,0.0,0.06132210564158445,0.22047139933381016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0373115826164548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846161634415,0.1191826854214975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061585911039116,0.0,0.1529622175507412,0.13612506134888505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692200660419557,0.0393183694349531,0.027195476415938818,0.05579171106212552,0.14746164620130014,0.14778732610581125,0.0,0.0,0.060765747984618874,0.0,0.0,0.21068913568317896,0.0371573241361303,0.16930901737548806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08886375012657559,0.0,0.04092073537355682,0.0,0.1287985872854639,0.0,0.1184023252580208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0584118465479376,0.11856442602899865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315497558982491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06507028946107409,0.0,0.06235838601465068,0.059207383148080286,0.0,0.0,0.035660908461085813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047538251157326655,0.1059017618718812,0.1770705725540392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04716541410490793,0.0,0.055054855689872936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04445474435421538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26845215477460577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05469132227809948,0.04419239204667722,0.2921323478512484,0.0,0.0,0.1063820300201213,0.061846702716083335,0.0,0.0,0.05437735470195475,0.23180005908548126,0.0669590500817507,0.0,0.0,0.04593007818605732,0.0656662098436668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010039900358766,0.0,0.05022968620358773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372601340351161,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Wattsherfayce,2019/01/01,"PTSD make me a POS I just want to go die in a corner. Go to sleep and never wake. Fuck a 'new year'. no such thing. Just one big blur of shit.",-3.979090909090907,-2.8280472424242404,-0.9298484848484848,111.52522727272726,112.33333333333334,2.2,5.5,3.1291,-3.027218181818182,103,0,31,0,6,35,28,33,0.256,0.634,0.11,-0.7615,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,3,0,0,4,3,1,1,7,5,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,5,0,8,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,1,3,17,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32366838958896005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28831573201900346,0.0,0.0,0.3544820568284125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20817343904071547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405308193576246,0.301202795143511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2113289421255546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3645554746315846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201266783793185,0.0,0.0,0.31209191906410283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20719037296103449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1839470555232108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20083192512728906 ptsd,wrigglegrrl,2019/03/23,"Recovery isn't a straight line? I had EMDR a year ago and felt incredible afterwards. My symptoms massively reduced and I felt able to get on with my life. A few nights ago I felt like I wanted to get my story down and I wrote every night since until I was 'finished' at least up until a point that I was satisfied with. I wrote just about the trauma, the lead up and the day or so after and didn't really speak about the development of PTSD symptoms as such which happened a few weeks later. It was tonight that I finished and I had a major dissociative episode afterwards. I could barely move and any attempt to ground myself I found myself just slipping back. I hadn't had anything like this since EMDR finished and I'm now sat worrying about if this is going to be a regular thing again. The past couple of days I feel like I've been reliving - though I'd say not flashbacks like I used to get - the times around the trauma and found it difficult to stop thinking about the city I was in at the time. This seemed like it would be a good idea to get things out but now I'm worried I've pushed myself too far. I know recovery isn't a straight line, we go back and then we move forward again. Has anybody else experienced a brief resurfacing of symptoms that had reduced or ceased, only to then move forward, and not backward?",4.331052631578949,5.581115893536122,4.928573143886332,84.38146087652594,70.67300380228139,7.970302181308786,28.290774464678808,8.371475516178862,1.8919855513308002,1052,38,209,16,19,337,138,263,0.064,0.884,0.053,-0.4102,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,2,0,0,2,18,9,0,0,19,0,19,4,0,2,0,43,42,22,0,4,8,0,4,5,0,1,4,2,0,0,12,17,0,1,10,0,0,10,6,3,0,0,19,7,25,6,30,19,4,55,0,0,0,0,6,17,0,4,37,139,37,1,0.1077166644958283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909686476478408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325102561897999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864163682543849,0.09589066866033813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656549320887956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08600299161515614,0.11918644046093115,0.0,0.13893667484498434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08998345128576968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0907559356193804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05446478209272452,0.07695280663862697,0.31027467043414897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362115255849013,0.0,0.0,0.22511004543078533,0.0,0.12243572552897328,0.09034762759656892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525349067391348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12159900289832495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059198261772764875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608346569362846,0.2631246064688735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434573022013456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021695854047315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08192337724787843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10282774465591096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018270650514282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591501649315562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0690060535188591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856606150374205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806120580201293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17820867596849288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09005595475146673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3358765751561195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312433110475886,0.06902048920064513,0.10583107595977356,0.0,0.12562090660397424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303261321394804,0.0,0.0,0.06353407956218304,0.0,0.0864038108895118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187830029736721,0.0,0.07651882791575036,0.0,0.0,0.06936600030574303 ptsd,Oldsilvernail,2019/03/23,"Do I have ptsd? 3 months ago my dad had as stroke. It hit me very hard at the time it happened. My mom called me to their house and my dad was just laying on the floor pretty much motionless. I thought he died because I didn’t know what happened by then he lifted his head and greeted me. My family is like that. So we go to the hospital long story short he’s alive but lost a lot of mobility on his left side. He is making progress. He was in rehab at the hospital for 2 months and came home in January. I felt fine about the whole situation because he was doing better and getting better. Still is too. Then a month ago I had a health scare. Which I think was more of just me scaring myself. I had a blood test done and a ct scan of my abdomen and everything came back totally normal. After that I just get anxious on and off and didn’t know why. My wife finally suggested I may have ptsd from my dad and then the “health scare” I had. I’ve always had anxiety but it was more situational like having to talk in front of class, flying on a plane, riding rollercoasters. Now it just seems totally random off and on. My heart races liked crazy, I get nauseous sometimes, loose stools a lot. I think a lot of it has to do with googling symptoms which just makes it’s worse. I don’t know what to do from here. Also I’m 22 year old male if that helps",1.490774047428726,3.5125310323741066,2.9421023181454835,92.30800026645352,80.40287769784172,6.276791899813483,20.727950972555288,7.3871296695380915,0.5029076472155607,1049,29,233,15,27,342,155,278,0.113,0.782,0.105,-0.4848,0,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,1,0,1,4,13,10,0,3,14,0,26,9,4,2,2,40,47,19,1,2,8,5,3,3,0,1,5,0,1,1,13,14,0,0,8,0,0,5,3,4,0,0,18,4,30,6,30,27,9,38,0,1,1,0,20,16,0,7,20,150,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792663661393986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08086238361455382,0.0841365653563899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0773534201351478,0.11423223482931925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775191916159284,0.0,0.1232786814645562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17885767013859605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325068391945404,0.2312994039098265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10494238537278466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10347671707231923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087649016998592,0.0,0.0953231125962822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09708716301327083,0.11076757377376606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848672147064385,0.0,0.0574665210011189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788329900800723,0.0,0.09058002432599613,0.0,0.10377413014796846,0.21496303943665115,0.0,0.11982288009410755,0.06777588560422215,0.0,0.10142753598339056,0.0,0.0,0.11667422289981988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671203467925516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098627686503427,0.0,0.0,0.14820042752939575,0.0,0.0,0.08948442820794912,0.0,0.0,0.11037999718200753,0.2578954780839604,0.0,0.0,0.13499135514550606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11842577112594516,0.24212934458661275,0.0,0.0743318531413813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09907215584139598,0.0,0.0,0.10610417334102773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287126654248926,0.0,0.0,0.2363982541336875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30370409827485684,0.0,0.0,0.09205215746090208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22731711453676626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000062538099953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08075132322549876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10509818206846536,0.0,0.08127316531188279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12958202763188656,0.0,0.08027476450735238,0.05896151990236356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834312432396892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0912414115762803,0.1128923400404263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304578516862233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06511535250208157 ptsd,0suomynona,2019/03/23,"PTSD (sexual assault) Hi. So.. this is my last hope before I just give up. I’ll try to make this short.. I’ve been sexually assaulted (1 of the 5 was penetration) by 5 different men in my life. “1” happened regularly from my ages 6 to 9 (moms boyfriend). “2” and “3” were a few separate occasions sprinkled over my late elementary years (uncle and cousin). “4” drugged me and I woke up during penetration (friends friend, the only situation where I was penetrated). And “5” was violent sexual assault with no penetration (dads drug dealer). *sigh*.. I’ve tried going through court and got trashed every single time. Authorities don’t believe me, flat out said it wasn’t important to them. I even had a therapist tell me that what my problem was is that I self medicate with marijuana so my brain isn’t developed right I guess? I don’t know what calming down to go to bed has to do with being hyper vigilant and having panic attacks every 5 minutes that I’m outside of my home because no one has ever believed a word I said and if my brain is underdeveloped it’s totally because of the 2 years I’ve been lightly smoking and definitely not because I was being sexually stimulated for a very long time before the age of 16 but *shrug* what do I know I’m not a psychologist. (For the record, I agreed to a psychiatric evaluation and I also agreed to stop smoking for a month and try actual medication again to see if that works, which they never even tried.) I guess I should also tag on that I got in a horrible highway accident 2 years ago, my friend fell asleep at the wheel doing over 80 so I have PTSD from that too I am like an old cat that has never even been outside. Good luck on that car ride 👍🏼 Anyway.. I’m trying to get help.. I’ve been with my significant other for a very long time now and I feel horrible because I know if that person didn’t exist I would not care so much about living and having a future. But I can’t work. I have tried I can’t even get a job because of how horrible my anxiety is during the interview. And even jobs I’ve gotten I mess up way too much I can’t keep a job longer than 2 days.. so my significant other spends every second they’re awake working and every penny they have goes to feeding us and paying bills.. every night we cry together because we don’t know how long we’re going to have a place to live we don’t know how much longer we are going to be able to live like this .. this isn’t even living.. this is surviving on the absolute minimum.. and I feel horrible because my love has so much potential to do so many great things but I can’t get anyone to help me so just my existence is taking that opportunity away from them.. I’ve been trying to get government assistance with PTSD from sexual assault.. I have every single symptom.. every one.. I’m a hermit and I am happy that way but I know there’s so many people being fraudulent .. I am not but I am too scared to talk to anybody because every time I’ve tried I immediately get shut down. I am a very sweet soft spoken person that never lashes out and I cry a lot and get scared very easily. So it’s hard for me to fight back I just kind of say “okay I’m sorry..” I know it’s pathetic but I shut down. As soon as I think they’re not listening with an open mind I’m no longer interested in talking.. I’m a very hurt person and it makes it that much worse every time I have to talk about it and it hurts that much more every time it gets rejected.. I just need someone to listen.. I need someone to help.. my other half needs it.. I can’t keep holding them back like this it’s tearing what little happiness I have left apart.. so if you’re reading this.. and you think there’s any way at all that you could help, I am desperate.. I live in southwest MI I am willing to travel long distances to see a professional.. if any one knows someone that could help me, you will be helping save two lives and we will be eternally grateful to you and I promise we will pay it forward every opportunity we have. Thank you for your support.. -Anonymous",1.6766140166140175,3.943026756756762,3.816312741312746,84.96132882882884,81.18673218673219,6.972013572013572,22.958289458289453,8.07648339933343,1.3886628524628524,3156,108,641,63,84,1078,332,814,0.11599999999999999,0.747,0.13699999999999998,0.9490000000000001,4,1,2,0,1,0,98.0,8,6,5,6,41,41,7,3,28,1,71,11,3,6,6,104,128,53,0,14,20,3,4,3,3,6,6,5,2,5,44,40,1,4,12,2,4,9,24,15,1,6,20,13,88,25,76,94,13,76,0,3,2,1,50,31,0,10,38,411,132,12,0.044764075399118114,0.0,0.04368328029403218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03968065193156178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07159562984771951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06088221259390639,0.0,0.034244395155662966,0.0,0.0,0.0313000823356584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05092559811824367,0.04205732238072536,0.06884162172089746,0.0,0.21830211902540853,0.0,0.07618186226941466,0.10086756783787967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0999430250279909,0.0,0.0,0.04563995823863565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07148094344045848,0.0,0.09834246973376984,0.028869125392870395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046768931244299365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10382423161924326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17739749772640584,0.04049166899018431,0.4148723060074768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0452681230635336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375384083380554,0.0,0.16371167278873056,0.04294178006958112,0.10176182255136483,0.03754598262760806,0.07160384074557151,0.049352551158596304,0.09862535159722632,0.0,0.03958472403981088,0.09530438129392198,0.04009981899713773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18002649692289974,0.0,0.0449020174649297,0.04446082727574404,0.0,0.0,0.09584173709476927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326431287043694,0.0795767339995216,0.0,0.046614896046667964,0.1968093212611801,0.03648869603183688,0.050495826836087866,0.0,0.04863629889905874,0.0,0.031618190285382465,0.06560839835766785,0.044865363494478464,0.23716499215980355,0.1584591923396644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03805681612584539,0.04040132575389365,0.0,0.059760735855306925,0.09076749291050032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09019019309005732,0.0,0.0,0.04519895534964512,0.05242714408704301,0.035730257909385485,0.0,0.19744047623328573,0.09957598411471874,0.10357444369653826,0.0,0.0,0.042008052360442055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04697236700338398,0.0,0.0909998879814584,0.03404509648752123,0.0,0.05252099752201804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03103377355901718,0.11725879202289435,0.046768931244299365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042833174636521566,0.15698042596925502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04477618919365707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03822827580409428,0.08516177314936497,0.03559818945580539,0.08963329726121899,0.0,0.0713423449374355,0.0,0.046698693323366965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050316696289845635,0.0,0.0,0.11378536746227255,0.0,0.0,0.05010971752048091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037424771436274366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05079774228462585,0.0,0.0465270141980318,0.03365701374221655,0.10793900451831588,0.03912577495531965,0.04121274638430562,0.0,0.051974541729186086,0.029739262624818363,0.05736602404322226,0.0,0.0,0.15661375409030584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24313495043935865,0.0,0.04372799719038484,0.0,0.053845671049908166,0.0,0.0,0.1846752513874927,0.0,0.10659491836685404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977663400843686,0.0,0.04561841713365264,0.031799114819466484,0.0,0.0,0.08647979072750958 ptsd,serendenne,2019/03/23,"Crippling fear of abandonment Hi guys! I’m 19 years old and was diagnosed with PTSD a year ago after a suicide attempt, my two traumatic experiences are my father and my first boyfriend. ANYWAY I have actual friends and an actual loving boyfriend for the first time in my life but every so often I have a mental breakdown and am literally incapacitated by my crippling fear of abandonment. I was so convinced a few days ago that my boyfriend was going to leave me (there was literally no trigger to this, it just happened out of nowhere) that I ended up having a huge panic attack and sobbing and not being able to move or function for a couple days. I really just want to be normal and I want to be able to accept that I deserve love and good things. Does anyone have any tips for overcoming this? When I’m not actually going through it it seems ridiculous but in the moment there is no way I can rationalize. ",5.526206896551724,6.759449839080464,6.408678160919544,74.94163793103449,67.85057471264368,9.018390804597699,31.16666666666667,9.2995712137729,2.8436528735632187,728,29,129,14,12,241,106,174,0.21,0.653,0.13699999999999998,-0.9345,0,0,0,0,0,1,11.0,0,0,0,3,9,14,2,3,9,0,15,4,0,1,0,26,25,14,1,3,7,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,9,10,0,2,2,0,0,3,4,8,0,3,4,0,15,6,20,18,1,23,0,3,0,2,6,5,1,3,14,96,24,0,0.2647027779360941,0.0,0.38746759114628654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23464304138864386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000348302078617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254316848953026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505688118180343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644429452949326,0.0,0.17071139345433187,0.0,0.0,0.13433387382771664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11582159238620915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11722404665219335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151175347417898,0.0,0.0,0.1294650546511542,0.0,0.2978642169309271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22515604768896488,0.0,0.0,0.10225435480489768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15043668877899366,0.1110100656972799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13104868333409825,0.1170378961672696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14014101088521286,0.0,0.0,0.0934837001237118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389045917737731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13337907070088584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066858088711942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12967626032804258,0.0,0.0,0.13888051882195718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15528583825420395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15471169110930938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08478768882393405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048773374597545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14477093803136562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879283818594806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0771751592489443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292880756128007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561285566392004,0.10505437211276687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1704599103693676 ptsd,wikitoinia,2019/03/23,"TRIGGERWARNING:I had this very heavy flashback/dissociation(?) I suffer from c-ptsd, and have a lot of heavy things past me that keeps blinking back. I dont remember, because I really wasn’t «in myself» But I remember beeing really scared. I live at a place where some people care for me and some other girls. Its the only place I’ve got after the, I dont know the english word, but where children taken away from their parents, and there arent any new family, so you live with other taken away kids. Anyhow, someone came into my room. And then I «woke up» and just started crying, because my face hurted and there was a lot of blood. And I said: «my face hurts, and I dont remember, I dont want to see it» So now, half my face is just (not deaply, but) cutted in really small squares but like a web..? I don’t know what to do. I can’t show up at school? And it looks awful i dont want to go out so people can see me.",1.2499883040935702,3.1206926421052685,3.2456140350877227,90.59374269005852,80.47368421052632,6.116959064327485,18.450292397660817,7.1686216300943375,0.16278362573099425,702,15,155,9,18,237,109,190,0.098,0.857,0.045,-0.9095,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,1,1,0,11,7,1,1,7,1,15,4,4,0,0,34,31,17,0,2,7,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,3,8,13,0,1,5,1,0,2,10,5,0,1,8,5,21,2,18,23,4,23,0,3,4,0,7,14,0,5,8,100,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972986803176265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926770670401556,0.07884597147790194,0.0,0.12501334381710238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11727701644011933,0.10454509221544787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263400497930873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6008732724100787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666441031932634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827513615929698,0.0,0.08200960761823209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195397110197026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114115476054004,0.0,0.0,0.11270523371498192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500952551310899,0.0,0.18108719444177296,0.0,0.0861067272134775,0.0,0.0,0.17434956143035188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09903256630586137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798534199268205,0.0,0.0,0.1138571502172058,0.0,0.097884841942781,0.14217492056223088,0.0,0.21426234459671945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11986231467877186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19706685188102074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3484692541821743,0.0,0.09753783494475833,0.0,0.1026591794711173,0.10377469200339348,0.1634202203111711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688075240204626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07257745691690856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06812219102556304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460520969483515,0.12096002604617788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WinPeaks,2019/03/23,"I just want to be normal? I, the other day, had a girl sleeping in my bed. I had fallen asleep turned away from her. At some point she put her arm around me and I started screaming and crying and reaching for my pistol (I keep it unloaded because I know this is a thing, but I can't sleep if I don't have it near me). I don't remember this happening, but the girl's recount, and the fact that police showed up to my house make it all the more real to me despite my amnesia of the incident. I don't want this to be a thing anymote. Every girl I've been attached to for any long period of time has gotten acclimated to how I am. But I know that such an acclimation is too much to ask. And I don't want to always be this broken. I'm crying now just thinking of how I'm fucking doomed to repeat this cycle over and over again. I don't want to be scared anymore. I just want to be normal. 1. Is there somewhere I could go to deal with my issues? 2. If so, do I have to go into detail for whh I am this way now? 3. Please help me! I'm not suicidal or anytjing, so it's not so urgent of an issue. However, I am really done with this shit. I don't want to live THIS. Not any more...",0.01487379807692335,1.8196527109375042,2.677343750000002,93.40443509615385,84.390625,5.657211538461539,18.830528846153847,6.844919456158928,0.06002692307692304,898,23,212,11,26,313,132,256,0.132,0.7859999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9629,2,0,0,1,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,0,15,5,2,1,10,0,27,6,5,3,2,43,49,17,1,11,12,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,3,17,10,0,1,4,1,0,4,10,5,0,0,5,1,32,0,33,38,5,24,1,1,0,1,9,10,2,4,9,153,49,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045743528997096,0.0,0.0,0.17093100836627492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246390306311028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11188026753567376,0.1174921771144038,0.0,0.11807883152463505,0.0,0.0,0.07661228079538131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034383788536247,0.0,0.2761032623591873,0.08105205944091574,0.12956873372635205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12861246096970955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10588932686988796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618749589047225,0.0,0.0,0.14285166554242226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111368412504578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423946650596181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14501580030208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623508339276315,0.0,0.11170858289728516,0.0,0.0,0.13813893379436215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097617714568296,0.11122127620504428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838911925605724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09238795771101492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2462759572751285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795695299759494,0.11880654749296092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12634133089097516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304933701424313,0.0805126905165097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14236893190655575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258258301669189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12900689417175484,0.0,0.0,0.25153798101672786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895569607141747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374715821504253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669900593934216,0.08052953332262258,0.0,0.0,0.07328398495535618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670182177751233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.444769647663739,0.09975752690800843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BewBewsBoutique,2019/03/23,"I disclosed Wednesday evening I had a guy I’ve been seeing the last month or so come over to my place. We’d slept together before, and I’d already felt relatively safe, but this time I got triggered. I don’t know why, maybe it was the stress, but when he bit my leg (something I usually enjoy) I triggered, and I started flailing and kicking, then rolled over on my side and covered my face. He was gentle and checked on me and I apologized, and he pulled me in to cuddle. After I calmed down a bit, I said something about how we should talk about it, he said that we didn’t have to. I don’t disclose. I was in denial of my rapes and abuse for years, and when it all came out I told my boyfriend at the time. We’d been together for years, we lived together, I completely believed that he was going to be supportive. Instead he verbally abused me for hours, told me I was a slut and a liar and other horrible things. I have struggled with disclosure ever since, and have missed out on potential relationships because my fear of disclosing makes me disconnected and withdrawn. Disclosure is a huge barrier for me. But I disclosed. I had to work myself up to it, and he was patient. He already knew I had ptsd, so I said “my ptsd comes from sexual assault and domestic violence.” I talked a little about it and explained my reaction. I had to work myself up to it, but I did it. I was still very activated so I put on music and told him we should talk about other things to distract me, so he let me show him all my gemstones I recently got. He literally listened to me talk about rocks. I managed to pull myself back and finish having sex with him, and he was gentle even though I knew it wasn’t his preference. I kept apologizing to him about everything that happened and he told me it was okay, and to stop apologizing. This is a huge event for me. Disclosure to a sexual partner has never been successful for me. Most of the time it doesn’t happen. Potential relationships have been impaired by my avoidance. Disclosure itself carries trauma for me. I’ve been talking in therapy about how to disclose for years. So this is a big deal for me. And I’m proud of me. I hope that this means I’ll start being able to have this discussion with more serious romantic partners and I’ll stop ruining relationships. ",4.006038095238097,5.626428480000001,5.078952380952384,81.54899999999998,71.97777777777776,8.6984126984127,29.523809523809533,9.23628265651192,2.598514285714286,1816,75,352,40,35,597,200,450,0.174,0.746,0.08,-0.9937,0,1,2,0,3,0,51.0,6,0,0,4,23,21,3,5,13,1,41,7,3,5,4,66,73,39,0,4,5,0,1,0,2,2,0,4,0,3,24,35,0,6,7,2,1,7,6,13,0,0,36,6,70,8,57,30,6,54,0,2,1,4,48,21,0,3,26,253,94,4,0.08634708240570771,0.20461434614271984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19057230518184265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06639557648267654,0.0,0.0526363799898761,0.0,0.07347500736413085,0.09728359308782124,0.0,0.0,0.18853730057751994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875805914690793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14876073159865766,0.0905332730803942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890200504726195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406286714048147,0.07810587949972413,0.0,0.0,0.07760318997423568,0.0,0.0,0.09716447362428413,0.0,0.0,0.08290674014022179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0490730368004586,0.0,0.1381192995118769,0.0,0.0,0.08549718705060784,0.152712879611497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576213587291565,0.08503448287440757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047454098318886855,0.07038439675222044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829574195365522,0.0,0.0,0.08654246076299127,0.07624605571612389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05763734800189325,0.0,0.08674725011323027,0.09405728625442376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06892141737701746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659619308006165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021432307430063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018702371845468,0.0868026670419262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08525732688599745,0.2781133560306839,0.0,0.0,0.24640754595221484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880744528290346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142719885213056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13294840514535952,0.0,0.0,0.12223381870550808,0.0,0.06895689154827159,0.14438005451516256,0.09891029115939956,0.0902687184920128,0.0,0.0,0.09798564585477633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470125703417929,0.0,0.0,0.0987454139537769,0.0,0.11473032951779738,0.0,0.0848355700555246,0.0,0.15104903440683262,0.0,0.0,0.3300333502463103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509911224597092,0.07124538598272834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077914811441629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12572340876028654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668140702069262 ptsd,georgesclemenceau,2019/03/23,"Can PTSD cause chronic fatigue? Hello everyone, &#x200B; Does anyone suffer from chronic fatigue that is almost 100% to be caused by PTSD? Since high school(5/6 years ago), where I was bullied for \~1.5 years I have PTSD and at the same time I developped chronic fatigue. I still suffer from the bullying(I dream of it on \~1/3 of my dreams), so I guess my brain is more focusing on it than normal regeneration. I don't know for 100% sure that it is from PTSD, can anyone confirm if it is common? &#x200B; (I also do EMDR and Ericksonian Hypnosis for treatment, hope it will work).",7.867320872274142,7.982815934579445,7.465934579439256,73.29865264797509,62.55140186915888,9.750155763239873,35.59034267912773,9.2995712137729,3.2614062305295946,463,19,79,7,6,146,70,107,0.152,0.7859999999999999,0.062,-0.887,0,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,0,2,0,12,7,1,2,1,12,15,5,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,9,2,14,12,2,11,0,5,0,0,1,5,0,4,6,53,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142083665474198,0.0,0.12901406203715804,0.0,0.0,0.10303283261253504,0.0,0.27919490189868396,0.31310797972025395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18017502749303224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382739547653245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647071367039082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274823918976205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12311158111204995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419311397089847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612591438180513,0.0,0.12796660869553006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080677234497328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262352702589926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6024255199835079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303923651041103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657729442830936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289132223448412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142962268993422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07512729824584949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937966276664094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31310797972025395,0.16593671655371972 ptsd,procrochetnator,2019/03/23,"i have so much work to do and i cannot focus. fuck this TW: child sexual abuse, police loooooooong story short: i was sexually exploited by multiple men online from the age of 12 to the age of 17. the most siginificant period was age 13 to 17 where i was consistently in contact with the same guy and was mentally abused/coerced into sending him videos/pictures/voice clips etc while also being forced to allow him to have passwords to all my social media/email accounts, even shared my school's grading system with him. he would sometimes invite friends to watch/listen to me, and he has 1000s of pics/videos from that time. i was able to shut it out to some extent for my senior year of high school and some of my freshman year of college, but im having trouble recently. &#x200B; a couple of months ago i submitted a cyber tip to the center for missing and exploited children, then was contacted by a detective about two weeks later. since then, i have shared identifying documents, emails, chat names, etc with the detective as well as made a sworn testimony to be used in prosecution/justification for a search warrant. this guy works at a gamestop as a manager so i know he has access to some adolescents more than some people might and i know how he rolls online so i couldnt avoid testimony anymore...i was also killing myself by searching his information compulsively and personally notifying his girlfriends if i could contact them. &#x200B; i was told that the case would take around a month or more...it's been a couple weeks and i haven't heard back from the detective who said he would contact me that day or within the week with numbers for the other departments that will now be working on my case. i sent him an email to see what's up, but i can't get this shit out of my head. i have three midterm projects i need to complete this week that i've only barely started because iw as on vacation and now that im back im so depressed and living in such a fog. i dont know why i try. i cant even really focus my vision let alone my mind for fucking coding. how am i supposed to be normal?? &#x200B; do any of you have any tips for getting out of this fog just long enough to focus on a task? i can sink back in a bit if i need to but i really just feel stuck right now and i need to get good grades in these courses or i'll lose my scholarship/ all sorts of opportunities which i cannot afford because im a 1st gen student. my grades so far are ok but this has really been taking a toll on my ability to focus. 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He’s suffered from insomnia for the whole time but didn’t want to take any medication. Then he started experimenting with drugs, to alleviate the anxiety and chest pains, first mdma but then he switched to cocaine and now he’s hooked. I found out about it through reddit actually, that’s funny.... Yesterday he told me he has spent all his savings on drugs and more, he’s now indebted. The way he put it was that it also means he cannot come see me (we live 3 hours apart) because he cannot afford to buy a ticket (approx. 200 euros). His family doesn’t know. He has one friend who knows probably way more than I do about his drug consumption. Otherwise none of his friends know because before this he was very anti-drug and says he actually hates taking them. After yesterday I feel like I tend to be the first person to be thrown overboard when shit hits the fan. I feel really shitty about how he’s treated me. None of my friends know either. What are your thoughts please? Is this some kind of a pattern to kick the closest person next to you? We’ve been together for 3 years so things have not always been like this. They’ve just been getting worse and worse.",3.8352083333333336,5.783813215277783,4.4545833333333364,84.49875000000002,73.09722222222223,7.716666666666668,26.23611111111111,8.472884824447931,1.7886569444444445,1178,41,229,21,24,375,172,288,0.149,0.7859999999999999,0.065,-0.9816,2,0,6,0,1,0,31.0,1,2,1,3,12,13,2,0,12,0,22,10,2,2,1,33,48,14,0,1,6,0,2,2,5,0,8,1,0,4,14,11,0,1,9,1,3,3,8,4,0,4,16,4,19,9,35,29,8,36,0,1,1,0,35,7,1,1,26,134,33,1,0.0,0.106399159575051,0.17526508229727325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960291305486898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07181359706118473,0.07472138629275253,0.0,0.0,0.06106756365872579,0.09416387655620824,0.06869729899837172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094833612515026,0.0,0.0764137919035386,0.0,0.0,0.07942143231802815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07735536201761123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114583254075567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5207015812662023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784232788706485,0.08465611935504808,0.0,0.0908118765437266,0.0641536467020379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276887975788095,0.0,0.0984618457809216,0.20813942233728489,0.0,0.04691716570996785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865961174794801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884356124904876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935136227969382,0.19740849162158508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08774418389331952,0.09000390506652382,0.07929567405258636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497160512545124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781930151075828,0.0,0.09046476997570722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14335614337659458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867300873768382,0.09550407613697401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12170257322526708,0.0,0.09555428914715018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568210361465541,0.0,0.09857421529149166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968203560837069,0.0,0.20994445389152105,0.09027451883253527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05752863568108831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141313063728433,0.0,0.0,0.07155954104509127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217914054969696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19068421878166456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503791939855586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20538988110333328,0.0,0.11931920579945747,0.0,0.0,0.07129173460915553,0.0523635174120847,0.0,0.0,0.08580842878302566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07409499221403569,0.0529667866815076,0.14255925084904167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08324615983665005,0.0,0.10025928814567207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18302919513792226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565742878348355 ptsd,Peachcats,2019/03/23,"PTSD - attention span & reading Hey all, I was wondering if anyone else really struggles with reading? I can’t seem to get through a magazine article never mind a whole book. Reading used to be a joy and now I can’t stand being in the silence, with just words reverberating around my head. How do you combat this? I would love to be able to read a whole book this year. Thanks. ",2.1622972972972967,4.678890027027029,3.485067567567569,86.55165540540544,81.16216216216216,6.943243243243244,24.114864864864863,8.07648339933343,1.5613297297297302,298,11,59,6,8,97,56,74,0.069,0.782,0.149,0.7945,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,4,4,0,1,5,0,8,2,1,2,2,16,14,3,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,3,6,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,9,9,3,7,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,3,3,39,8,6,0.16364817804101428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17731273253595234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144266110959402,0.16767689744998018,0.0,0.14568157388503858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13670705387771148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549941869696652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795024317058851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769886993346582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523800896985136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621556349539484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19129596273292707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6547698542484441,0.0,0.10483721330416207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14897915509281154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17108060751730308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066525551404295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413394828192681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3654146931388668,0.0,0.0,0.1774694683215758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11625097038473015,0.0,0.0,0.10538406124213877 ptsd,LooksLikeTreble617,2019/03/23,"Relapsing. Cw: self harm — while I personally don’t consider it self harm (I view it more as OCD/addictive) some do consider it self harm. I have trichotillomania that comes and goes in waves based on my stress flareups. For years it was so bad I barely had hair. I have mostly a full head now but have some bare spots, and have been in a pulling funk. I need to wear a hat to avoid pulling. I’m 7 months out of an abusive relationship and just had a major setback earlier seeing my ex on Facebook. I must have pulled for an hour, but I know it was related to flashbacks. I don’t know if I’m necessarily asking for advice, I just need to get it off my chest. I know I should be angry with him, but I’m angry with myself for allowing myself to pull when I knew I wanted to stop. (Yes, I frequent r/trichotillomania often but decided I should post here knowing tonight’s flare up traces back to my PTSD, thanks for reading.)",2.6820608108108104,4.524040540540543,4.163699324324327,85.80500844594594,76.02702702702703,7.435810810810811,24.53547297297297,8.278499904357787,1.4138716216216218,720,24,152,13,16,239,111,185,0.175,0.804,0.021,-0.9795,0,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,6,1,17,4,4,1,1,33,33,12,0,7,7,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,7,7,0,2,6,1,0,5,2,6,0,0,6,3,23,1,23,23,6,24,0,0,2,0,8,8,0,5,10,98,30,1,0.0,0.19839287631168934,0.0,0.18253786319022824,0.0,0.16362361059048444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653683997909834,0.0,0.0,0.12875352721928027,0.13980812357622802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14423753749653187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748218962225032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17184508671605464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648978770175158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680897350841647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365160841036605,0.0,0.0,0.2483141034083495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620499142828572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1603643524247022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19573220427481813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674885672360948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17977139167338374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13343059505527344,0.0,0.5240394980488758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999005855299246,0.19180568254244204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415925222930127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876236993507223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782796619264873 ptsd,bobabutch,2019/03/23,"PTSD and dissociating while smoking weed? [Tw for drugs (just marijuana)] I'm 17 and recently got high with a friend. This was not my first time smoking, but I felt like I was dissociating. The first time (and only one before this week) was before my trauma, and I felt exactly the same as this time, but with hallucinations and paranoia. What's the point of smoking weed if I feel exactly the same for hours at a time on a daily basis anyways? I just kinda assumed that's what feeling high is supposed to be like, and I don't really know why people enjoy it so much. Does this happen to any of you and is it normal? Would a person with good mental health feel like this while high?",4.819295190713099,5.687515141791046,5.8912935323383095,79.34367330016586,69.22388059701493,8.343615257048093,26.08291873963516,8.515128840125781,1.6591983416252072,535,15,105,8,9,178,80,134,0.044000000000000004,0.7929999999999999,0.162,0.9478,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,2,4,7,0,0,8,0,8,2,0,0,2,30,17,14,0,3,6,0,5,3,1,1,2,0,0,1,10,10,0,0,7,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,6,5,9,6,12,9,3,17,0,0,0,0,3,6,0,3,14,70,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812828599766653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455756862343792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12627705018653854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734105841023236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188857699465701,0.1030872531046408,0.2770993884014176,0.0,0.0,0.2454813558340222,0.0,0.0,0.11148506964429936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12103117690286115,0.11540911316872975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12760315225817034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338311705705046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4573795310403537,0.0,0.0,0.14210547391971146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07930297101939046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21149164603569087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14541947885302164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10607638746950153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14138240803013388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09778075459863653,0.10974591174040248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003877578164293,0.1259963437499985,0.0,0.0,0.1364092212666643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867783959928287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09244165113115282,0.0,0.1424778799461457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3365676902502484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574797478408835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020742681096456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250588802646632,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,alithrowaway101,2019/03/26,"how can I still be affected by something that didn’t even happen to me??? I can't even type it out still bc it just- ruins my day/night/gives me nightmares. Suffice to say something awful happened to a friend of mine aged 15 and I read too many details on it in the news afterwards whilst raw with grief and never gotten over it. As a young highly sensitive girl with a far too vivid imagination...yeah not ideal. It's Affected my relationships/body image etc etc. But I feel- this didn't even happen to me or my family. I wasn't there. It was 7 years ago.What even is this?? Why do I feel like this? Transference, from what I've read is repeated exposure like in healthcare professionals. Am. I going to be laughed out of the room by a therapist or something? Struggling to find resources for this kind of thing and I feel kind of.. .. unentitled to these feelings.idk. apologies if wrong place to post , thanks friends. x",1.1770656871218677,3.826289792134837,2.327191011235957,90.57154710458084,92.08988764044943,5.65980985306828,21.452895419187552,7.1686216300943375,0.950351080380294,725,26,143,13,26,230,116,178,0.114,0.782,0.10400000000000001,-0.4003,0,0,3,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,1,11,13,0,1,6,1,12,0,0,3,1,23,21,9,1,2,6,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,1,1,14,7,0,0,4,2,0,1,6,4,0,0,5,5,15,9,25,14,2,21,0,2,1,0,5,10,0,3,11,94,29,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11612590682068633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14551436390338635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448584391076126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2922050714603283,0.3461039455153042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12349759890381178,0.0,0.19871656279324,0.09358828858427563,0.0,0.0,0.11973400944462205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20242457833497268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445180048884026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34753551806290095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384114467902733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2728381118388689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12800251312196853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13281608178025225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010372865383114,0.0,0.0,0.12293707226738107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13686984178449788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12546428499771414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26207611624204424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417853111032016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3025566211270008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2092377022746036,0.0,0.0,0.13695236850489384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060959972892472,0.0,0.15210412369990975,0.08703231102255858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11820947662492247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14323078557162294,0.0,0.08436138378989552 ptsd,taxidermies,2019/03/26,"Do you hallucinate? I have c-ptsd, for years I have felt like I have auditory hallucinations. I feel like it used to be worse because I would have more vague visual hallucinations but I was in a more constant-panic state at that time. Now it’s like, I can hear arguing mostly, particularly my mom screaming and It scares the shit out of me and makes me feel deeply disturbed. This especially happens if there is white noise, like if I have my space heater on the constant fan noise is going and suddenly I have to turn it off and check if around even though this will be so late at night and nothing is actually happening. Another thing that happens to me is that when I am dissociating sometimes the floor looks like it’s waving slightly, if that makes sense, imagine the floor is actually water and that’s what it can look like to me sometimes. I’d imagine these things might be because of my c-ptsd? Have any of you experienced this? It’s not something I got to ask in therapy, I was mostly trying to focus on my symptoms that make it hard to function in public with my therapist. 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I finished Cognitive Therapy in January, and I was doing really well. I was barely using my anxiety meds, I was doing well with work, and I was able to overcome most of my triggers without avoidance or running away. Then about a month ago, I saw my psychiatrist for the first time in a long time (we were corresponding via email as needed, just to maintain my scripts). She upped my anti-depressants in an effort to eventually get me completely off my anxiety meds (my antidepressant also work as an anti-anxiolytic in higher doses). Since then, I feel like I’ve been on the road to a full backslide. My depression symptoms are heightened, my anxiety is crazy high, and my thoughts towards myself are so negative and destructive. I was supposed to do training for a promotion I got at work today, but I had to have my husband call me out of work because I was so panicked and distraught that I could barely talk. I don’t know what to do. When my PTSD was first diagnosed, I ended up having to leave a job I really loved because of it. I don’t want that to happen again. Does anyone have any tips or coping mechanisms to avoid letting your symptoms ruin all your hard work? 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It’s hard for me to sleep or look in the mirror any time without feeling anxious or disgusted, I’ve tried to cope by cutting but I’m trying to stop myself from doing that by listening to music. I can’t even do that without hearing someone screaming at me, even when I’m alone I still hear it, even when I’m not listening to music I still hear it rattling in my brain. (I’m sorry if this is jumbled, I’m not a very good writer).",2.7110344827586204,3.2450561379310368,4.5098275862069,88.55543103448278,73.82758620689657,6.834482758620689,27.431034482758626,6.6274283507984215,1.1053482758620692,416,15,93,3,8,142,71,116,0.16699999999999998,0.7959999999999999,0.037000000000000005,-0.8675,1,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,2,0,2,0,6,2,2,0,1,16,20,9,0,2,11,3,2,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,11,13,2,15,19,0,10,0,0,1,0,8,4,0,4,6,60,19,0,0.0,0.18515231149472364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16184676883754145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626776201919866,0.0,0.0,0.1765386314679426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17444703710088824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096410966029488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0790139175929501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13107038580417713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998564903100394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5283769918895548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312259646268913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830194742871664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17351738767029942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18266921035261344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563810952790782,0.0,0.1324055728329218,0.0,0.0,0.17492950106247326,0.0,0.0,0.2495920370069853,0.13064724605659175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728096705327698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112126755101807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21219175479198546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12893766391956654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30127401426322736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,xQueenKushx,2018/12/30,"EMDR Symptoms Unbearable I’ve been seeing a trauma therapist for just a over a year and we recently started EMDR treatment. I knew it would be difficult going in, but I truly didn’t realize how hard it would be. Since starting, I’ve been sleeping restlessly- waking up often, many times cold from sweat. I can’t remember the dreams, but I know they’ve been more vivid. More troubling is the emotional instability. My mood swings are unpredictable: crying fits, racing thoughts of anxiety, bursts of anger (something I’ve never experienced), complete numbness and generally being a negative Nancy. To top it off, I’ve been feeling flu like symptoms for weeks: exhaustion, headaches, sore and painfully knotted muscles. I have BPD (borderline personality disorder) as well. These symptoms have been heightened. All my insecurities are amplified by 1000: Jealousy, the fear of abandonment, and self punishing. I broke my laptop today. I been able to stop from hurting myself, but it’s been running through my mind a lot. Please tell me that it gets better. That this is temporary and will subside when the treatment is over. ",6.28341359341664,9.103453476683944,6.262517525144776,70.38430356598596,68.63730569948186,9.308015848826576,35.705272782688205,9.773937934552695,4.251191039317282,903,47,132,23,17,285,134,193,0.307,0.579,0.115,-0.9943,0,0,1,0,0,1,35.0,1,0,0,2,5,18,2,3,9,0,22,11,3,1,2,27,31,11,0,2,4,0,2,1,0,3,8,0,0,2,9,6,0,2,6,1,0,2,4,14,1,0,10,6,14,3,17,15,4,19,0,3,2,0,4,7,0,2,11,90,23,1,0.14670771158389903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1122309978050177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12975104882023455,0.0,0.0,0.18477322699300885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538202443646999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16115153231149348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813974763521106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16502642921375044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16508696270356635,0.07417982705033345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664872416509212,0.0,0.08337737337366999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13142129324790064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705363953162646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08062672154839415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167397738714316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472565007121755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14873859286022048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14813296703230694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11315003141703728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610734878802188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12809951497482952,0.0,0.16104101182017305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14485616623889908,0.0,0.16619123826537946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169070518209176,0.0,0.15304813894501754,0.0,0.0,0.12135813505786147,0.0,0.14681366213866556,0.0,0.0,0.11294276386758073,0.0,0.0,0.20768094671906248,0.0,0.0,0.12265421602060947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.457456457145497,0.0,0.0,0.12822900632846887,0.0,0.0,0.17033896064478926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646953558720967,0.0855464464167358,0.0,0.13906175649907798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11768007695985774,0.0,0.1319078516017877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20843389811864566,0.0,0.0,0.09447495625876644 ptsd,fluffypupwigglybutt,2018/12/30,"NSFW: PTSD and nausea Hi! I was diagnosed with PTSD from sexual assault last year. One of the side effects I have is extreme nausea, and sometimes vomiting, every time I get aroused. Recently this has gotten increasingly worse and I cannot even kiss anyone without getting Nauseous and often vomiting. Does anybody else experience this? If so, how do you deal with it? Thank you in advance! ",3.3173913043478263,6.498336753623192,4.373463768115943,75.99671739130437,87.2608695652174,6.8179710144927546,30.08840579710145,7.908726449838941,3.069259710144928,312,16,46,7,10,101,57,69,0.14,0.826,0.034,-0.826,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,2,4,3,1,0,1,0,6,5,1,2,0,11,10,7,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,1,2,0,6,2,6,8,1,8,0,0,0,2,4,2,0,2,4,32,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15894306746241008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343505069599271,0.0,0.2307186831700193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19892380467098106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898914796039376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501385957307246,0.0,0.19152164816253567,0.0,0.0,0.22235647699668967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375241168779305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18529105491829465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403368782868365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5314352460277498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22444491630486246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22481912268173068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20927997117149105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254848243406472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21912235453183945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316521430917187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1463826097360171 ptsd,BoomerangBananas,2018/12/30,"I hate my family. I'm a child to them. TW It's so much to type out. My step dad was sick and aggressive and violent and verbally abusive. My mom was absent and savored my sister. My extended family thinks I'm lazy for my recent trauma. My mom thinks I like to her constantly. We got into it and I was called childish, she said she would kick me out of the car if I kept acting out. Yes I was yelling but I was so triggered by the lack of love and understanding I didn't care. She said if I talk at all on our 4 hour drive in a few days she will kick me out on the side of the road for me to figure out my own way. What a horrible mother to leave her child. I could punch her in her face and not give a shit. She doesn't care about me, only when it's convenient. She forgets important hurtful words and says I'm a liar when I tell her. They all think I'm a fucking liar. They kicked me out, I was homeless and left with living with an abusive ex after I was raped and had a suicide attempt. Fuck them. They said I couldn't act appropriate for their house. I'm sorry I've been abused by all of you. FUCK YOU! I still need you for loans for school but fuck you.",0.6589733333333321,2.4322031040000027,2.5853,95.08048333333336,81.96,6.086666666666666,19.216666666666672,7.1686216300943375,0.12462666666666687,896,22,215,12,24,299,133,250,0.295,0.6509999999999999,0.054000000000000006,-0.9971,0,0,0,0,2,1,24.0,2,4,6,1,6,17,11,0,12,1,15,9,2,1,3,42,39,18,1,7,5,6,0,1,0,2,1,5,0,2,4,20,0,1,5,0,1,5,4,13,0,0,15,6,50,4,32,20,7,29,0,1,0,6,40,15,5,2,9,140,54,3,0.0,0.405607422189572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651974346902147,0.0,0.23268684843456985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12331308625192132,0.0,0.09110807773598016,0.0,0.0,0.07359193636425022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2151467516680481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4219738702692051,0.0,0.10946534414335556,0.0,0.0,0.09126472000577766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126606535773358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11237601548509976,0.13166838228732508,0.12215782295675875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082671398081285,0.12398156732715306,0.0,0.0,0.05574870513269596,0.0,0.10076180448451524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10298932695225184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26729005461079075,0.0,0.0,0.08388446575683008,0.08461160942302874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08678629990097217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11267051156775568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32563610977053803,0.09074537788945737,0.0,0.11548608125848378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11713295395483515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277375428875481,0.0,0.0,0.09112892147386857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481854249344157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09171782707457377,0.09973774756006117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2193525124197974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11879322268578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057573148305673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08106093975439921,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Mlkia2727,2018/12/30,"Anxious to eat in public places Hello! To make a long story short, I was in France and was in a terrorist attack. It’s be several years since the event and I feel like I’m mostly ok but I lost a crap ton of weight in the following months and I’ve been unable to gain weight since then. I have always loved food but I now have a reduced appetite and when I’m traveling or meeting friends in a public place to eat, I get nervous for no obvious reason. I end up being unable to eat normally because of this. I’m usually ok at home but I hate that I can’t enjoy food when out in public or when traveling. It’s not a social anxiety thing; it’s just that I get sensory overload and it makes me feel nauseous which makes me even more anxious. I’m not afraid of crowds or anything but the sensory overload only happens in connection with food. Does anyone else have this issue by any chance and if you do, how do you manage it? ",1.317157894736841,3.5519656105263167,3.2686842105263167,88.54828947368422,82.36842105263158,6.326315789473685,22.657894736842106,7.554174236665415,1.0949263157894733,726,25,148,12,20,244,110,190,0.159,0.701,0.139,-0.4861,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,0,2,7,12,3,2,9,2,11,10,1,5,1,29,27,19,0,2,11,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,11,8,8,0,3,2,1,3,4,6,0,0,4,4,14,6,21,21,3,27,0,1,0,1,11,13,1,5,12,94,25,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891822728480876,0.0,0.0,0.08084292116926732,0.0,0.09094337475952996,0.26860260150232235,0.0,0.08312411724361253,0.1218072784746822,0.09782864878190813,0.0,0.0,0.13524390585578108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07246854314071652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10403326125517684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649337622481377,0.09930953181014833,0.0,0.10529297361144506,0.0,0.0,0.07851955063887038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202192610415156,0.08492836282183676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4312528753432127,0.0,0.09184689822278866,0.0,0.124220469975616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10512576953807788,0.0,0.0,0.1173700336809337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192469886885057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12408051639440093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580790825485614,0.0,0.0,0.10520563764911056,0.0,0.0,0.12977227680612874,0.0,0.10729443145707288,0.0,0.23806127858688575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09488940366845837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11647779996252156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041409417555413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24840996150867264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222291116421762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13430130075116115,0.0,0.19667861058954805,0.0,0.0,0.12118385554627445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897902397361171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093024481863136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895292193659149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655524338612862 ptsd,itsforachurchnex,2018/12/30,Positive or neutral flashbacks? I've heard of flashbacks that are of positive/neutral events. Does anyone have any experience with these or insight on them? Thanks. ,5.495000000000001,9.215150259259259,4.523981481481481,74.65041666666669,83.44444444444444,7.1444444444444475,36.37962962962963,8.07648339933343,4.066562962962964,135,8,18,3,4,40,22,27,0.0,0.77,0.23,0.782,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,4,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3623742550474582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725995996552712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4663237671554312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5212554132272366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4906010354481545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Fenki7,2019/04/02,"Didn’t realize I had PTSD I recently tried a new doctor who said I have PTSD. I also have depression and anxiety. He prescribed me Zoloft. I was previously taking 3 other medications that I quit cold turkey. What should I expect?",2.1982170542635617,5.094290255813952,4.7677906976744175,73.64455426356591,88.30232558139534,8.448062015503877,23.44573643410853,8.841846274778883,2.853266666666667,183,7,30,6,6,64,35,43,0.14800000000000002,0.852,0.0,-0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,0,4,8,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,2,8,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,21,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102660524967642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011417122758902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22646232928371154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691213101123092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648756064483639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539406721249447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6147052002665802,0.0,0.0,0.2796597849551051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25961292228402955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501078613572985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976916030617373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785130822985166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Throwaway5468432,2019/04/02,"Leftover symptoms of PTSD years after being cured in therapy First time posting so trigger warnings might be unneeded, adding them to be sure. TW: Violence, Racism (sadly) and Sexism (also sadly), Ridicule &#x200B; I'm a 21 year old white man and have been treated for acute PTSD 3 years due to several violent encounters on the street. At the time these encounters made me radically racist, and very sexist as well, (policewomen didn't intervene and just walked past), large parts of my day and of my energy where expended in revenge fantasies. The good news was that I managed to get therapy after I realized my behavior was not healthy, picked up some healthy hobbies to channel my anger and was cured, or so I thought. &#x200B; Last week a colleague of mine was pestering me, no big deal, I can take this when its from friends. But it was different. The moment he touched me, normally this is not a problem, I got extremely angry. I got physical with him, and considered doing something that would definitely have landed me in jail. Of course the fucknut also just had to say I was ""triggered"", (I was, but we're not speaking English, the word ""triggered"" is just known because of memes surrounding PTSD and only used mockingly.) After this, my symptoms have come back, albeit in a milder form. &#x200B; I hate what my PTSD has made me, I used to be a sweet, albeit dorky guy. While the racism and sexism is not as bad as it was before, some days I still feel filled to the brim with hatred for these people. But worst of all are the violent fantasies. They are very, very, extreme and sometimes I'm left ruminating for almost 30 minutes. &#x200B; Anyone else here has experience with non-combat PTSD caused by violence? Tips for not ruminating on revenge so much? How do you handle it when people ridicule your condition? What should I do to prevent my condition from slipping further back?",6.7229701718908,8.030787773255819,6.3994388270980815,75.82099089989892,65.16279069767441,9.587259858442874,35.305358948432755,9.761364909221204,3.594247876643073,1510,70,254,31,23,471,203,344,0.185,0.76,0.055999999999999994,-0.995,1,0,1,0,0,0,71.0,0,2,2,1,17,18,7,0,14,0,32,2,0,10,2,54,46,26,0,5,12,0,2,0,1,3,2,2,0,2,13,14,0,1,4,3,0,3,7,12,1,1,16,6,30,6,39,23,7,42,0,2,1,0,12,15,0,5,23,174,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07651512398531209,0.0,0.0,0.1222125687296852,0.0,0.33116750527073685,0.3713935599079996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05342872842696698,0.0782926570273061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751152191722987,0.06380044777279904,0.046579768175051633,0.0,0.06502059621766709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07849570451809743,0.0,0.06582177946839521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855824940003524,0.07877694694702679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07983380041861475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06383204034207507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474515254490686,0.0,0.0,0.03863597270484915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06499562054126072,0.0,0.0,0.059035369574186224,0.0,0.03992187812320733,0.0,0.0,0.06409037803228816,0.12222658459797495,0.0,0.0,0.07565944225652123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07544058045902978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062285607112226526,0.0,0.0,0.08302136645213211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14460490152886046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810605732792686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617127708074954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07486708970068924,0.0,0.0,0.08018106193083395,0.0,0.0,0.058114422671322885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08274625621931049,0.0729434651746761,0.105948287404966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318113733149778,0.0,0.0,0.07311552828448564,0.4466050311261636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06076552695706953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632329537037695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05882533992748715,0.07557297114447564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06102235797766588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201697620321397,0.15884170395758082,0.057451971774749575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17476652046364494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066223091677675,0.08911237192589241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13199008117486,0.0,0.18914257951947944,0.0,0.0,0.06129273175900689,0.0,0.06870315497748322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05428056871184834,0.0,0.3713935599079996,0.14761958782252688 ptsd,Slumdunder,2019/04/02,"EMDR? Have any of you participated in EMDR therapy? Thoughts? Did it help? I was diagnosed with PTSD almost a year ago and EMDR was recommended but I'm not sure about it.",0.4454545454545453,2.6954491515151524,3.7186363636363673,78.19795454545455,102.93939393939394,7.048484848484849,20.651515151515152,7.793537801064563,1.8779333333333343,134,5,25,4,6,48,28,33,0.073,0.802,0.125,-0.2853,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,4,1,0,0,1,7,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,2,1,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,2,16,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069884367574113,0.0,0.3467856727297323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2355069077843157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3515036771248902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321284646927032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40482513285425736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32639894232396205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3960427835237759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27493639769569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22301629361949285 ptsd,zer0hash,2019/04/02,"It’s getting harder I’m an alcoholic and severely depressed and have been fighting anxiety for about the last decade or so. I’m 47 days sober for the first time in almost 20 years and fucking miserable. I’m tired of being told all the tools to help with sobriety because they’re the same tools I use in CBT and EMDR. So on top of having to deal with al the cravings I don’t get a sense of enjoyment out of anything in life. I just don’t know how to be happy anymore. I’ve got a wife and six kids and they’ve put up with this for so long they’re just angry and resentful. It was easier being drunk al the time because they felt sorry for me and just helped. Now there’s this anger and I can’t fix what I’ve fucked up. I don’t think we talk about what PTSD does to our family enough. I’ve missed the birth of three of my children, deployed five times, missed birthdays and anniversaries and all I can think about is wanting to go back. I feel like a duck out of waste and that life is just trivial. What’s the purpose? I’m tired of listening to someone bitch about cell service or tell me about what they read on facebook. I feel like my life would be better had I not come back at all. WTF is wrong with me right? More importantly I know there isn’t anything wrong with me, but why doesn’t that make anything better? Anyways just needed somewhere to dump this and figured y’all would understand. Much love ",3.3262787039949657,4.652460899653981,3.864669707455175,90.75210994023277,73.22145328719724,7.053853413022964,24.90106951871658,7.520522993642371,0.990811764705882,1116,34,241,13,22,351,157,289,0.154,0.755,0.091,-0.8914,0,0,1,0,2,0,20.0,2,1,2,4,20,20,7,1,12,0,21,10,0,3,3,52,49,20,0,4,9,1,3,2,0,2,6,1,0,2,11,22,2,0,9,2,0,3,7,13,0,4,6,4,21,7,39,37,7,27,0,4,0,3,18,12,3,3,14,147,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266245697019028,0.11493328863001545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08780462762645982,0.0,0.11382863838022045,0.0,0.0,0.2833568063712647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765139355777296,0.0,0.139934843234655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20302309965373844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988708268869106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402212226263764,0.11833077056232802,0.09885786627342172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004427402153316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859604785130175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820220219207337,0.0,0.1160701093091149,0.16399442603079387,0.11020459316208307,0.0,0.0,0.09762985441662043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21222027140380526,0.11993322370797367,0.0,0.0652308129191389,0.0,0.09179821317780723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12218299772333875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386614805486115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615764629658316,0.0935591460467275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2432126552340161,0.11214917479249288,0.0,0.0,0.10157465414506636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035913569888034,0.0,0.07661500713629503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0843748172279986,0.08510621145433679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13416899110270988,0.1153832920044858,0.0,0.0,0.114808762158289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801953010184852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966613272693822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09725077416756528,0.0,0.0,0.12848424004432485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225396891004507,0.10032077030218464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14708983343490906,0.0,0.0,0.200783402606064,0.26384016720325304,0.0,0.10967501264764057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11948763530417447,0.0,0.0991310822346796,0.0,0.0,0.06769886223984059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10356902323867163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306957228371813,0.2509827973679237,0.0,0.07391307674853616 ptsd,dissociated101,2019/04/02,"Help me understand my friend's PTSD & support her Hi, so my friend has been going through a lot - depression, anxiety and PTSD. She had also just gotten out of a relationship where her boyfriend cheated on her, which has increased her PTSD symptoms. She can't fall asleep at night because she would imagine her boyfriend fucking someone else, and would also wake up during the middle of the night because the sounds of her boyfriend fucking someone else would wake her up (apparently she was downstairs at a sleepover, and somehow her boyfriend was upstairs fucking a girl and she heard all of it in the middle of the night??) I've never heard of something like this and I don't know how to support her. She doesn't have money for therapy and is on medication of anxiety right now. ",8.064155172413795,8.073182475862067,7.022198275862071,76.99950431034483,62.17241379310346,9.45689655172414,39.5043103448276,8.841846274778883,3.5152931034482755,629,31,110,8,8,191,84,145,0.068,0.823,0.109,0.7301,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,4,0,9,0,14,8,3,1,2,19,25,10,0,3,1,0,0,1,2,3,2,3,0,1,3,7,0,0,3,0,1,3,4,5,0,0,7,3,19,5,18,15,3,20,0,1,0,3,23,12,3,2,6,80,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20062793230667464,0.0,0.13591370454004947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192183120076856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293357587393422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804090420217392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20957730292164445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19382857677800255,0.3479005395850163,0.0,0.0,0.07129018939306589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08407948901089189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893829844659212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0612834299730693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664422319830842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263671539204588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09674671728264453,0.0,0.0,0.3531495722531644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4398963783378996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346751367408299,0.0,0.10712469387499927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125690543707401,0.09656949722571644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28469463910265297,0.0,0.13037972673483986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14345106236416286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058699975920265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673259807469369,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,5orry,2019/04/02,"I've lost control Please forgive me for the following rant. I am in pain and I have nowhere else to go. PTSD has become so, so painfully unpredictable. I have lost control over when and where I will get my dissociative flashbacks, and this has destroyed my ability to function in every single aspect of my life. Working has become nearly impossible, and my interpersonal relationships have suffered greatly due to my difficulty in actually pushing myself out of the house. Even when I do accomplish the rare act of miraculously forcing myself into going out with my friends, I find that they always end up having to take on the role of a caregiver because I'm constantly slipping into a flashback—I don't want to do that to the ones I care about. I hate the feeling of dragging my loved ones down the PTSD rabbit hole with me. Something that would really help is if I could at least be able to predict my episodes, but lately it feels like they've been happening without any specific trigger. I am so, so fucking tired.",7.5958297258297245,7.987649650793653,7.7183164983165025,70.32878787878789,63.074074074074076,10.25897065897066,38.34583934583935,10.018931242160765,4.027852910052912,820,40,136,16,11,266,123,189,0.125,0.773,0.102,-0.6833,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,6,10,14,3,0,9,0,18,6,0,3,0,23,34,12,0,4,3,0,2,1,1,2,4,0,0,0,5,10,0,2,4,0,0,5,2,8,0,2,3,2,23,6,30,27,2,25,0,3,0,2,7,14,1,1,7,103,28,2,0.1336522361125091,0.0,0.13042530287896725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11120936710301227,0.0,0.0,0.09088810368696967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147316261897974,0.2952167885267341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.136267362171304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443058641087633,0.2998046949609767,0.10671043515440594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11164929339164524,0.0,0.11837621111029815,0.0,0.0,0.08827604144805289,0.0,0.11260777329846552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351571727577044,0.09548118418375601,0.0,0.0,0.12215572249242256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10325938608181816,0.12355933864257401,0.06982777707616952,0.0,0.15191529159945755,0.0,0.0,0.14735206214788354,0.0,0.0,0.1181882310010037,0.0,0.0,0.13195391305319532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895842765979901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542167359811214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15076554381655224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09440252693246584,0.06529573152936033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2917944077095861,0.0,0.12062636122322695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1811324282737874,0.0,0.28443080481400296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467100202382907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124646236164408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08562104481477127,0.0,0.0,0.14349248363176592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028920210168824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10048984833059484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361358437314465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883155166919124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288359862212909,0.0,0.09730041968035616,0.0,0.0,0.09494271386433796,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PM_ME_YER_SHIBA_INUS,2019/04/02,"""Home is a sanctuary, to decompress and feel safe at the end of the day."" Just read this in an askreddit post, tried to write four replies, and deleted all of them. I'm at a loss for words. I've never once felt that way about the place I lived, in my entire life. I don't remember the last time I felt like that in a house. I'm not sure I've *ever* felt that safe in a house, even as a kid. The maximum safety that I've ever felt in my home is ""the dogs aren't barking, so nobody unknown's in here right now"". I got my dog in 2015. What's your home mean to you? What level of safety do you feel there? Sometimes it feels like this garbage lives in the cold, tiny, alienating details more than it does in the grand paradigm shifts of worldview, the hypervigilance, and the flashbacks.",2.461376015289062,3.905253236024848,3.385341614906832,92.84970855231724,75.64596273291926,6.692976588628763,22.943621595795523,7.321109707123232,0.6036580028666991,605,17,138,7,13,193,97,161,0.027000000000000003,0.848,0.125,0.9382,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,3,1,1,9,7,0,0,16,0,5,1,0,0,5,23,16,5,0,0,2,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,3,1,10,3,0,2,9,1,0,0,4,1,0,1,5,8,11,6,22,11,2,24,0,1,0,0,6,14,0,0,10,80,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717501108751491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182902722089544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11972261909234636,0.0,0.0,0.08928009087415363,0.2445423368484205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050416704492081,0.0965671847181086,0.5191467813750484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081097110833397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067667950194012,0.0,0.0,0.311941586343382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018354168532957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547625884697153,0.13207680700241034,0.0,0.23871939935535405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14724236335088478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425328275744214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395418721921865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14122638092735249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12945778759475385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352089727795393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312397122393748,0.11543648523212667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368895323406085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1273983809010762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07882010950847558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09177318204082104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729355397327148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,grumpygaysloth,2019/04/02,"I dont know who I was (this was longer than I intended) I was looking through some old pictures of me as a child (ages 5 to 16) and I could not tell you who that child was. It feels like I am looking at a different person. That it can't be me. It doesn't feel like me. I couldn't tell you what I was doing, where I was, or literally anything about the photo (any of them). I do have diagnosed PTSD, and disclosed to my therapist 2 of my previous traumas (for the first time ever-to anyone) about one year ago. She thinks there is more that I cannot remember because I have continued nightmares (I cry in my sleep, say ""no"" multiple times-most nights. I wake up breathing heavily and sometimes sweaty. But i do not remember the dreams), flashbacks (I feel unsafe, and kind of a familiarity, like my brain is trying to warn me of something but I can't remember exactly what), and I have a very difficult time with intimacy and sex (those are among a slew of other issues I have tbh). I have tried EMDR but due to how much I do not remember, it was unsuccessful. I have also come to realize in the past 6 months that my mother was emotionally abusive and neglectful when I waa growing up (locked me in my bedroom, called me fat, made fun of me, refused me medical attention, etc etc). And I am already aware of 2 instances of sexual assault or abuse/rape (disclosed one year ago). I am not sure how much of this is ""normal"" or how to feel about it at all, actually. I don't know much about PTSD, and there aren't any support groups or anything near me. I feel like no one can understand me. Like I am a freak. I feel alone. I reported the 2 assault/rape instances but one was by an ex gf and bc she is a female and I am a female, they didn't consider it rape. The other was by a pediatrician, and the police told me it was my word against his, and he is very well known and respected in my city. Maybe I don't feel like I have closure? Maybe there is something I haven't remembered? I have no idea. But I just want to feel normal for once.",3.7992685025817536,4.447201373493979,5.260236660929434,83.74787650602411,71.40963855421687,8.916523235800344,28.79733218588641,9.140100540675403,2.182203098106712,1570,58,340,31,28,530,192,415,0.11699999999999999,0.797,0.087,-0.9251,1,1,2,0,1,0,67.0,0,2,2,1,15,18,2,0,17,0,49,9,5,5,3,68,68,29,0,5,14,2,8,6,1,0,3,1,1,3,20,16,1,2,21,1,0,2,18,6,1,5,14,11,62,12,40,51,8,28,0,1,2,2,23,11,0,5,21,242,82,1,0.0,0.09417650545003907,0.0775657112522958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1409169810192509,0.0,0.0,0.08232229446368157,0.08771346719289108,0.0635639759001013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810479640433457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055577629067211816,0.0,0.13081845641050055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048453203995083294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0887313380408062,0.08116288057509008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846912796808917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346215510401756,0.0,0.08731033429567485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806754116226647,0.0,0.08304471166212751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315560836729124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08940971578491436,0.0,0.0,0.17729315376751426,0.0,0.07189856356655648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32151927591931617,0.2271358639449651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760974097246547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08972867847387114,0.0,0.08296149352691047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08277120084559207,0.0873655485688797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329935869505521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1334944476048115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0752104515219503,0.0,0.0,0.159706355435434,0.0,0.0,0.08007258644410807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344401906896345,0.0,0.1752914486497369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07459111215387636,0.15575648020200453,0.0,0.0,0.08340594001405842,0.08464873128998082,0.21544386433895665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07587724749797807,0.0,0.06940307246937974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18582698477212886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4502039900531417,0.0,0.0,0.06320951324735438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954221555723262,0.0,0.0,0.12238258399548138,0.07861251205923939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901984233738077,0.07491349518893388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389464592530261,0.0,0.0,0.09228799369234196,0.0,0.05093065844275351,0.0,0.0,0.09269646682620512,0.0,0.0,0.07595114466335325,0.0,0.10792994043820106,0.0,0.0,0.08274649307427806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13116658939666986,0.0468822018379149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07146639224822908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237122657423042 ptsd,beeeeeeee123,2019/04/02,"Struggling to find the use of exposure therapy. I’m in a PTSD treatment program. I have a therapist that does EMDR with me twice/week and an Occupational therapist that does exposure therapy with me once/week. I also have a kinesiologist who works on physical health everyday and we do 3-4 educational classes/week plus 2 group meetings/week. I’m finding EMDR therapy really is helping. I’ve created a container, a calm place and started other folders for stuff that’s stressful and other motivational folders for things I have trouble doing (like going to this program). We’ve come up with my First trauma, my Worst trauma and my Latest trauma that we are going to process. We did a practice one on a minor event that happened just to practice- I chose when on the 15th birthday my bf at the time didn’t even call me and blew me off the whole weekend. It’s never something that’s been earth shattering but it makes me sad. So we started processing it and the first time she did it I had the biggest rush of a wave of sadness flood over me that I just hurt into tears- and then I had to laugh because it felt like she brain Ninja’d me. I felt like the gates opened and just a flood of emotion. We did it a few more times and by the end I left so relaxed and free and my calf muscles had completely relaxed in the most amazing way... I didn’t even realize they were tense. I think this is how it’s supposed to go??? It seems surreal now, even though it was only a week ago but what a cool therapy. Physical health directly correlates with mental health I believe, so working out every day with my trainer and feeling stronger physically helps fill me up my tank before the stress of the days agenda and more intense mental therapies. It’s nice doing group educational classes/meetings because it’s reassuring to hear from other people in the similar situations reacting similar. The exposure therapy. Basically my OT takes me to someplace where it’s disturbing enough that it triggers my anxiety. We started with the local coffee shop last week. Now here are her rules: -sit at the table with no distractions. No books, phone, making convo etc -no using calming techniques such as scents, headphones, closing eyes and deep breathing -no safety behaviours such as fiddling or hats, sunglasses, hoods -be present and acknowledge the anxiety and think about how it feels Do this for 45ish minutes while my OT sits beside me, watching me, occasionally asking how I’m feeling. First one last week was at the coffee shop and honestly- it was super annoying. She made me take off my hat, sit there and just think about anxious I am. I got to about a 7/10 just from sitting there being watched not allowed to do anything. Today was the second and we started out at the mall and there was nothing going on so we went to the hospital ER entrance. Again, sit there and think about how anxious I am. With her sitting beside me watching. All above rules apply. I got to a 8 when this (for lack of better terms/description) homeless/addicted looking male kept hovering around, asked me for cigarettes. Otherwise it was an easy 4-5/10 on the anxiety scale. It’s just fucking annoying. Of course I’m going to be anxious just sitting there in silence with a stranger observing me while I’m not allowed to even so much as fiddle with my fucking keys. How is this helpful????? I understand the theory- basically to make my brain remember no matter how anxious I get it will pass, I won’t die and eventually my system wears out and exhausts itself and gets too tired to be anxious. But the things that are causing me the anxiety aren’t able to be produced- my triggers aren’t going to recall on demand. She’s asked me what my triggers are and it’s not like it’s a solid object or place- it’s conflict with people and intense, random, traumatic events that I deal with everyday at work nonstop, could be 10 bad calls one day and only 1 the next... you can’t reproduce that, you literally have to jump right in. She asked me what would be similar to that and honestly nothing touches it- I function with high anxiety on a regular basis, I can do anything running at up to an 8/10 anxiety, which is a lot- heart palps, excessive sweating, mind racing, trouble concentrating, disassociating. This is me most times when I go out and socialize with my spouses friends and family or anyone who isn’t super close friends/family that I trust completely. The only thing that has taken me to a 9-10 is after a really bad call at work (which happens a lot being a paramedic or a dispatcher), a truly traumatic event in my personal life (sisters death/ex suicide attempt), or having to deal with my family (incredibly abusive, manipulative, possibly narcissistic people who I chose to go NC with after my sisters death). I guess I’m just frustrated with the exposure therapy because I never feel better after, I always feel wiped and it’s not the “triggers” that are making me nervous it’s the therapist- And not her personally, because I enjoy her when she’s teaching but anyone sitting there observing you doing nothing but being anxious is going to make you anxious so I just don’t understand how it’s going to help me. Any advice you guys have or related experiences would be awesome to hear from you- also thanks for listening and letting me vent. ",6.229108537734412,7.3405053039117405,6.918414789824016,72.36654106258169,66.17151454363089,9.893978906416221,35.46714385580985,10.018931242160765,3.806390304246072,4256,203,716,96,66,1404,425,997,0.14300000000000002,0.735,0.122,-0.9303,4,0,2,0,0,1,125.0,8,6,1,14,52,47,5,6,56,1,66,15,7,26,3,158,132,72,3,4,25,3,8,4,2,4,6,3,1,4,62,70,0,3,20,7,3,17,20,23,1,7,24,18,98,25,104,92,14,117,0,3,5,2,58,44,2,13,50,514,160,10,0.044177074662337085,0.052342609586161916,0.0,0.04815953216307795,0.0,0.04316932607378752,0.039160311196003175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065678129346699,0.03675886507072968,0.0,0.0,0.03004192566682913,0.0,0.20277204719230293,0.34935263904850666,0.0,0.06177927554410832,0.0,0.07270793663279135,0.03932696253320436,0.16519840537025732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07377202413082012,0.10771973870951283,0.0,0.03759143674235383,0.049772435101721656,0.0,0.07814206505388813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863245111789712,0.13532919756989545,0.0,0.0,0.04538202481349729,0.0,0.03805463811608402,0.09263764455888443,0.0,0.0,0.035271799396594264,0.0,0.0,0.0854716754370179,0.09108924833606123,0.0,0.0,0.04584882883890789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731931148212769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04969326292343892,0.03912777570037801,0.04564672740262639,0.04926911593080628,0.11671416468223828,0.0,0.037221090744625686,0.0,0.0,0.04321365593577861,0.12493864299807413,0.0,0.1116862816092581,0.0,0.08483383913255309,0.0,0.08075409181237636,0.11273099141974463,0.0,0.0,0.03413109829814978,0.08168198733086665,0.04616139633911074,0.0,0.25106849591691266,0.0,0.0706648845200883,0.0,0.04866602830800063,0.043742249425498064,0.07813128245375024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14087449365876129,0.09958154767288713,0.05235004617919086,0.11844384773358715,0.04667550487046525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04729247211802255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07202042417083132,0.0,0.0,0.04799852088100518,0.04517405193062128,0.03120357430531985,0.08633074883913562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03709761643579915,0.0,0.0,0.07511553818155832,0.0,0.04180141620248203,0.14744270188858352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904020140156925,0.0,0.044606251940596336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03247523295617647,0.0,0.06814416681971934,0.0,0.046982820081380466,0.0,0.0,0.12716728380241438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980658730863451,0.10079596792779902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188046347525636,0.07714743521189632,0.09231128082220263,0.0,0.0,0.04980301395434476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05164063620762199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0566019304946809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05004401378640056,0.03772698038220081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040217149597703165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04965688286733701,0.0,0.04503296426805665,0.0,0.03400967037165898,0.0,0.0,0.12507504329663047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120937953390437,0.04618347030833245,0.050572181215864584,0.048322549451235916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643132448260056,0.0,0.0,0.04067231497191385,0.35364234462631017,0.15387896589211644,0.08804785625519705,0.11322754260613105,0.04340375155648689,0.0,0.10304002999292963,0.05077504861414345,0.04187470129013812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197978542341824,0.0,0.07630961688651401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03506570559339652,0.2480532920184297,0.0,0.0,0.0409525908031583,0.0,0.04932212620621077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128645746002405,0.0,0.0,0.0627642526758623,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MelodicSass,2019/04/02,"Recovery and Self Discovery I am a 22 year old who has a lot of mental issues. I am going through therapy and taking medication to try to help. It is a long road ahead but I am ready for the change. I want to be free from the pain. I know I can't be happy all the time, but I just don't like feeling numb or so depressed and scared. I am nervous and excited to change.",1.0047857142857168,2.48378005,3.4696428571428584,90.54250000000002,79.75,7.071428571428572,22.67857142857143,7.957251820313856,0.965732142857143,284,9,67,5,7,99,56,80,0.257,0.568,0.175,-0.8689,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,1,2,9,0,2,6,0,10,3,0,0,1,13,15,8,0,1,4,0,1,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,5,0,0,0,1,8,5,9,13,2,7,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,46,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695093906976379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19113347685172224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11220595986490084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12611836104792876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23623068196148594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14874371133081074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316196809387874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12195766749306518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10841555918703699,0.0,0.0,0.19638616064260875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886626302932556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22355415911252666,0.22363626760761876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328605283388428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361312449655559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22217378310418487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315038200912765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1668510765436968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2537770348203361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293993463574407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15066446676209824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13089012950186785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429047973247028 ptsd,b_hills,2019/03/07,"Trauma from being held at the throat? Ok, so I have been seeing a body therapist and it's clear that my body is holding onto trauma as I shake violently and get really anxious. I remember when I was 14 being held down by the throat from my boyfriend and it's not like I forgot it exactly, but I never thought of it for years and years until one day it popped up and I was like, oh yeah that happened. I have always had issues with my throat since then and I feel disgusted that he did that to me, but I'm not sure if it has caused me PTSD.. I would like to get an opinion on this, thanks.",2.128629032258061,3.483221056451612,3.7105161290322606,90.54577419354843,76.33870967741936,6.895483870967742,21.27096774193549,7.554174236665415,0.568925161290323,457,11,103,6,10,152,80,124,0.17800000000000002,0.7390000000000001,0.083,-0.8542,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,2,11,2,1,4,2,12,5,5,1,4,26,23,14,0,2,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,4,3,0,0,1,3,5,0,1,9,2,15,6,15,11,0,13,0,0,1,0,1,5,0,2,10,73,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662393125333506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257031542318845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4438380353181112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20523692969983998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884649311473312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101862850446658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2087615811377108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17667154110265154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20852637891294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29281843257182977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408853651317636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353812684044816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335410477288037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279890714170717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263204381379343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15920487425019697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16526639180604402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18829747656836915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18393760707957155,0.0,0.23196883666953175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860906145802608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419233999258202,0.0,0.0,0.2573133664171075 ptsd,sweetsamurai,2019/03/07,"Coming out of hypervigilance For those that have started the healing process, does anyone else feel exhausted? I feel like I was on high alert mode (hyper vigilance/hyperarousal) for so long I never felt tired. I was gung-ho about everything in my life. Now, that I am in therapy and making active moves to better my situation, I find myself increasingly exhausted by the day. Is this a normal reaction in the PTSD recovery process? 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Hi, just curious if anyone has had success on a medication. I’ve had bad luck with SSRI. Benzos is help in an emergency but no one likes prescribing them. I’m looking into getting my medical marijuana card. Just curious what has helped others? I’m also doing yoga and acupuncture ",3.7965873015873015,7.0409096111111165,6.4296825396825446,62.70500000000001,82.51851851851849,9.752380952380953,31.78835978835979,9.606745405546679,4.763902645502645,245,13,33,9,7,87,46,54,0.107,0.624,0.26899999999999996,0.8559,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,2,3,5,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,0,0,8,10,4,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,1,2,4,4,8,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,3,0,2,1,24,4,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21050355709767649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1840553308384956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21978461528460705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375259097866227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.352872729380343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12860003940785542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22104545598096734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7955243847074588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17837029211913785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway002288,2019/03/07,"Can PTSD be because of manipulation? Hello, I was severely manipulated by my ex to believe things on top of being sexually abused and emotionally. Right now I am suffering from feeling guilty (blaming myself for being manipulated), ashamed, feeling like my life is unclean etc.. mostly due to the manipulation. Is PTSD a possible culprit? I have a supportive boyfriend who does everything and more to reassure me that manipulation wasn't my fault, that I was young.. that I was dependent and would believe anything my ex said. I still feel guilty, like it's all my fault. I am looking to know if anyone else had experiences like this. 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I’ll try to make this as short as possible. My brother has been sick for about 7 years and has gone to every doctor imaginable looking for a cure to his illness. He has gone to at least 500 doctors across the US (no joke) and has had every test you can think of. The thing is, about every test has come back normal. We can’t figure out what’s wrong. His symptoms started as being unable to eat, brain fog, and fatigue. About 2 years into him being sick he started thinking something was wrong with his abdomen. One day he was pushing around in his abdomen area and hurt himself. Ever since then he swears he pushed something out of place in that area. His symptoms have also gotten worse. He now barely eats because he says when he does he feels severely sick. He claims his blood sugar dips into the 40’s sometimes after he eats. He’s so skinny and malnourished it’s probably making it worse. There’s a lot of other symptoms too but eating is the main one. Anyways my brother was in the army right before he got sick but was never the same when he got out. We want to believe “there’s something out of place in his abdomen” but it doesn’t make any sense, and every test says he’s normal/healthy. My family and I think he has PTSD but we’re not sure, and he sure as hell doesn’t think he has it. He hates my parents so much and blames them for every thing wrong with his health. He wants them to help him but as soon as they try, he writes them off as incompetent and says they aren’t doing anything?! I’m so lost and don’t know what to do to help. Or even if he’d accept my help. Does this sound anything like PTSD? Can PTSD cause any sort of symptoms I’ve mentioned above? 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And I knew that things about abuse tend to put me in a bad place, but I decided to stay up and watch all four hours until 2 am, when I had to go to work the next morning. Then at work, I read as much as I could about it when we weren't busy. Then when I got home I ate junk food, rewatched the documentary, fell asleep, woke up, and watched the Oprah special about the victims. And today I've just been searching every website to see if I could find more information about it and rewatching interviews. I managed to leave the house and go to yoga, but towards the end of the practice I couldn't stop worrying that the instructor was going to touch me. And then I went home and watched more interviews about Michael Jackson. I told myself I would work on applying to jobs tonight, but I feel way too distracted. Does anyone have any experience with these kinds of obsessive tendencies? I'm very moved by the victims, and it's really validating to see someone talk about their abuse. However, I don't know if I'm watching this stuff as some kind of emotional self-harm and purposefully triggering myself? What is everyone's thoughts on the documentary? 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I was in a abusive relationship that lasted 3 years and 3 months. The trauma from that relationship is ruining my life. I don't enjoy my hobbies anymore. Every little fucking thing seems to remind me of him. My family is sick of it, they tell me to just forget him. How can I? I have all of this anger and rage when i have these realistic flashbacks. I stress out everytime I get this because I don't feel I have a control of myself. I feel like im playing a victim card though.. In my head I was always to blame so everything I screw up I feel the need to blame something. I can't live like this. I'm draining my family by my mental health ( I was diagnosed with major depression, extreme anxiety, Ptsd, pychosis, and ocd) Im only 20 and I feel like my life has been rip out of my hands. Im taking therapy and pills but nothing seem enough... Not being to explain to anyone that im losing my mind and common sense is breaking me apart. ",1.7036247334754788,4.013078850746272,3.8761904761904766,84.32000000000002,81.38805970149255,6.8136460554371014,23.004264392324096,7.957251820313856,1.422507036247335,783,27,153,15,21,268,117,201,0.184,0.782,0.035,-0.9617,0,1,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,1,2,5,17,6,1,5,0,17,11,2,2,1,27,29,13,0,1,3,0,5,3,0,0,7,0,0,1,9,11,0,1,7,1,0,0,4,12,0,0,4,5,33,5,19,24,3,13,0,4,0,2,8,7,2,2,8,100,42,0,0.0,0.1298763605043507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352852754748274,0.0,0.0,0.09120881915140563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08385550417899923,0.0,0.10870905235188247,0.07664565757899744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682054892124555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229430259148439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0944116095302447,0.11125735440778917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11326204159210775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09235572773567224,0.0,0.09851528074528462,0.0,0.3100070166014832,0.0,0.221699420619018,0.15661857067330373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133769902924447,0.05726953814228211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11249705558062267,0.11651607660215085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4736138994752664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08935120590319251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322738604863192,0.16065768712370038,0.10986345820686526,0.09679243323745262,0.0,0.0,0.12263162800857567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046657195772956,0.0,0.11068033679613076,0.0,0.08749399070468672,0.0,0.0,0.08127845266457592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517896175514002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08336747423356551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25626914430908604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.235371899509736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995795418266497,0.11435280008103235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438731360064775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556410510188004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08241716180658977,0.0,0.0958087176122843,0.0,0.12535479767256166,0.0,0.07282362120808003,0.0,0.1076966037605026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058874325550694 ptsd,throwawaygainesvill,2019/09/21,"Anyone else have nightmares about or fear of locks not working/someone breaking in? I don’t know if these nightmares will ever go away. (trigger warning) They’re one of my worst types of nightmares from PTSD. I still have a lot of other horrible nightmares that make me afraid to sleep sometimes, but this is probably the most frequent theme that I find in some. It doesn’t sound scary but what it feels like is *(trigger warning)* being powerless because the only defense you were relying on is just nothing afterall. There’s no running, there’s no fighting, there’s no hiding, because you’re in a room and something much more powerful than you is coming in, as if it was never locked in the first place. This part of the dream will usually focus on the visceral sensation of watching the door handle, listening for the click and the thud of the lock working, but instead it just opens after no resistance at all. You know it was locked, but the lock was never strong enough to work, so there was no point. After that I just see whatever it is this time enter, and it usually has a satisfied and happy look as if it made the lock this way to give me a false sense of security so that it could trap me, like the room belonged to it to enter all along. *(end trigger warning)* Anyways I’m hoping that someone can relate and give me advice on how to deal with this fear, since I’d like to rely on locks which I know will work. Sometimes I tie up the door handle or I block the door, and I’d like to not worry that much. Usually I’m fine at home, but it’s when I’m out in a hotel or at a friend/relative’s place that it really gets to me. Sometimes hotels will enter for cleaning for example, or indoor locks will break easily, so I really don’t see how I can relax.",4.275428571428569,5.437227114285713,5.0751428571428585,83.61185714285716,70.71428571428571,8.0,28.0,8.364918446050245,1.910685714285714,1390,49,271,21,25,451,172,350,0.094,0.747,0.158,0.9707,2,0,1,0,2,1,41.0,0,3,0,6,18,16,2,3,20,0,25,1,1,7,5,52,44,26,0,5,17,0,1,4,0,5,0,2,7,0,28,11,0,3,5,4,0,6,12,6,0,2,6,8,18,10,45,31,11,45,0,0,5,0,8,22,0,11,18,193,46,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10459080432306206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483952967681172,0.1096673232094762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056044558239736,0.0,0.0,0.13049189248218382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921989192507002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545664721533651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034568541060287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941182053475569,0.0,0.09479892099496576,0.1105930615084392,0.0,0.0,0.09681691666357696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408823716164892,0.05411878798106723,0.07646395463280901,0.0,0.0,0.09782565751198223,0.09104168891104204,0.0,0.0,0.08269295233683455,0.0,0.05592000166427023,0.2053504262019979,0.0608289688915855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393796022144904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736220539544587,0.10630730509510188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17646659297784678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20916246048094128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988024355202208,0.0,0.0,0.09099510312183537,0.0,0.10127662718171053,0.07144494568079976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15736223121295084,0.0,0.16509994169047368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270045659843123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252791163231981,0.08140294909144903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590563878822405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22365211568935528,0.0,0.1011801963123748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115399009965895,0.0,0.12511512613094514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13713536844559146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058190083659516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08853829190674292,0.0,0.1071096788701769,0.0,0.18137637879370236,0.08239875630335358,0.3175732859408922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547619801697393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062411442305192626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3536431399558405,0.0,0.0,0.08495732237978994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337625451483805,0.10869657875097788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lynthecupcake,2019/09/21,"Any young people ashamed of their diagnosis? It just sucks when you know that so many young people (middle school to early high school) tend to pretend they have mental disorders for attention. Then, you're suddenly professionally diagnosed with something like PTSD and you can't tell teachers or anything because way too many people will assume you're pretending for attention. I hate my peers. I'm fourteen now, was diagnosed with PTSD a few months before my birthday. That's so young for a diagnosis like this. I shouldn't be having constant memories of the past, I'm fourteen! I should be out having fun or doing classwork. This disorder is ruining my life, and people constantly make fun of it. I just wanted to know if I was the only young person here. If you're older now, how old were you when you were diagnosed?",6.051583383503914,7.782781635761591,6.2523780854906725,74.6859241420831,67.0794701986755,9.464419024683924,30.945815773630343,9.800150414767053,3.193511258278145,661,26,110,15,11,211,92,151,0.10400000000000001,0.8109999999999999,0.084,-0.4682,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,4,2,0,11,8,2,1,4,0,15,4,0,2,0,21,24,12,0,5,6,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,4,0,14,4,12,15,1,21,0,1,0,0,8,3,1,5,19,70,20,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09141752062286404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11062505397104344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08194773817245285,0.0,0.11439066795347473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905437692321789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4093331480791143,0.0,0.0,0.30813857475111345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13272253549655155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14203346937209566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1477592503509521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09495241514139363,0.1313521493248202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08973357027824007,0.2725833638924561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547457872981067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730134304016492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.141062459667124,0.0,0.0,0.10224064394686194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12832936314885734,0.3727894258062101,0.11737974668634135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3142847084999382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27210219419977233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349135994337544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749840179827716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929074002106005,0.10670487304277897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lavendermerwitchmama,2019/09/21,"The seed must first split open before it can sprout ""Healing doesn't have to be a tight ropewalk. We don't need to drag ourselves through the mud and endure constant suffering in the name of growth. Life will always be serving up lessons and we have to make a choice. We can see the challenges put in front of us as evidence there's something wrong with us, or we can see them as opportunities to sharpen our inner-trust and and deepen in self-love. Life isn't trying to break you down, it's trying to break you open."" -RisingWoman",4.2723076923076935,5.89495161538462,4.23,87.89000000000001,71.30769230769229,6.7384615384615385,26.461538461538463,7.1686216300943375,1.1161961538461544,424,14,85,4,8,130,70,104,0.06,0.861,0.079,-0.0088,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,7,2,1,4,1,4,0,0,6,0,12,3,0,1,1,18,16,7,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,2,11,0,1,1,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,0,3,10,2,17,12,0,14,0,1,2,0,11,7,0,1,2,54,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441946067181667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859647806221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23951049758007803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852403448461355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.313097062890675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147944195284418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1643407791494236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228060653248171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3532314540780536,0.0,0.2312153793181858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17062673331995526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009534945767698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5332032384819257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2423249006606125,0.0,0.0 ptsd,061300,2019/09/21,"Does anyone else have wildly common triggers? How do you deal with them? I can’t handle guns. Like not just the noises but seeing them or seeing people talking about them, or talking about people getting shot, just all of it. Even as a joke. But guns are in everything, and people use shooting mentions and references in conversations and as jokes constantly. I’ve had so many breakdowns and panic attacks over this and never learned how to cope with it because it’s so bad. Bunnies used to be a trigger of mine too, and I actually learned to cope with that one because it was manageable. But when you are constantly being triggered by something you can’t exactly do that... slowly getting used to it thing? And especially with something that’s explicitly used for violence/death.",6.466971830985919,8.078025415492963,6.401521126760564,74.45861971830986,65.97183098591549,8.778591549295774,34.6225352112676,9.120678840339163,3.3211414084507043,627,29,101,11,10,198,89,142,0.102,0.851,0.048,-0.9006,0,0,2,3,0,0,18.0,0,3,3,0,11,6,1,1,3,0,11,0,0,9,4,35,19,19,0,0,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,11,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,3,0,1,2,2,9,3,19,15,1,8,0,0,2,0,11,3,0,2,6,77,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.1481352882362604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061423658526138,0.1555374438140505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269486414646834,0.0,0.0,0.12674698927783262,0.18507222389634287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3280845982464273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649954190904805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284154879655044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268097515809053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026272936010323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642840705178194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861888231418944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07416200535624058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539017747096319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11707782296890308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286387640660133,0.0,0.0,0.1781050565344782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31571784171976863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24193052260778866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337267210288411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2440228151156826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084943738676062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5244272097595747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,caineapple,2019/09/21,"the child of a parent with cancer im going to start therapy soon and i have something i really need to address but haven't with anyone except a friend that didnt even care to listen. but i have a question. during my moms cancer treatment, i was the only person in the house to care for her. i have no father in my life (im 20) and i watched her go through chemo and almost die in the house, all by myself. while we had support from afar, i personally had no support. not one family member ever reached out to me. not my dad, not my siblings. mid treatment i began hearing her scream my name from the other room while i tried to do my own thing because my biggest fear was her calling for help and me not hearing. everytime i tried to listen to music to soothe myself, watch a movie take ashower, go to sleep, i heard it. she has never once screamed my name, its not a real call for help because its not happening. she is no longer going through chemo and is NED. now she is on radiation and doing a lot better. i still hear it when i listen to music, i freak out when i hear people spit or gag, certain facial expressions or anything that points to unwellness in my mom makes me panic and feel deeply sad and scared. is it possible to develop ptsd from something like this?",2.5286547314578023,4.5196038705882415,3.8656777493606143,87.09468030690539,76.96078431372548,6.160272804774087,23.63597612958227,7.079830092131019,0.9276410912190958,997,32,196,11,23,327,143,255,0.188,0.6920000000000001,0.121,-0.9714,2,0,2,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,0,1,7,15,0,3,11,0,16,6,3,1,4,37,39,16,1,1,11,5,1,1,1,0,3,10,2,3,10,13,0,0,2,0,0,4,12,7,0,1,7,13,37,8,33,32,3,26,0,1,2,0,33,11,0,5,12,142,47,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309959512951658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07199204526104673,0.0,0.08472732997925901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12552695440959954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09105977748370776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102673996694817,0.0,0.20994922019645385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068562533913178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06800412721261084,0.09313323956709496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706155084482206,0.11585865567896328,0.05205968357405588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07954666194605338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2340582256749632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0910472124053652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.464173736198191,0.0,0.13802387243665445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376040964216825,0.0,0.0,0.22242899574670344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272371240712143,0.050301068789724776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875329336083538,0.0,0.0,0.06872661794290795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24117107997009524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634355588827779,0.07940912059512499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10964906917761406,0.06976837935074534,0.0783057405716174,0.0,0.12080140845038165,0.11432492618893453,0.0,0.0,0.0713795192844129,0.17980144955190158,0.0,0.0,0.0973305057353802,0.11607196112806015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203547625453797,0.0,0.11533879445850745,0.0,0.0,0.1171910522652974,0.06595883014404004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308094918292164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303438413385893,0.0,0.0,0.15852731888781438,0.0,0.0,0.07287563749116446,0.0,0.08222401106679872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336756384533546,0.0,0.0,0.07741312724666215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774376465399827,0.0,0.06840206737977078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398062005785173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,uhhhj_what,2019/09/21,"Family dinner My therapist told me that we should, as a family, try to eat together once a week. It would help with food issues and with my avoidance of the dinner table. Well it started Well today, then my Sister played some christmas music and made jokes about my brother Who had a panic attack over that. Then my Sister said she was goin to leave and that just broke me down completely. I don't know why but we as a family just can't do normal family Things yet. It makes me so sad that a simple family dinner at the dinner table can be so Hard for us.",3.947410714285713,5.027737491071432,5.357500000000002,81.5875,71.41071428571428,8.457142857142857,20.25,8.841846274778883,1.1768714285714283,437,7,85,8,8,147,75,112,0.14400000000000002,0.7859999999999999,0.07,-0.8653,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,3,0,0,0,8,9,1,2,7,0,9,6,0,2,0,18,15,10,0,3,3,3,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,9,7,6,1,1,2,0,0,2,5,2,0,5,2,13,4,12,7,1,9,0,2,0,0,11,3,0,1,6,64,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16453594972857144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164037041609507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799119851790196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6817150196239251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17488551756123275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12955884754300487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694152430879237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509547175422075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948411453596442,0.0,0.0,0.1531408400153077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13685110987105326,0.09654073583584187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14170535313853355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540247743736725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969053928266786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13757494996097233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10236889110049807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16792499059633692,0.09608483750825024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13709103345484172,0.13819885711127938,0.0,0.09819334838705056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17397043829309536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1160123658266834,0.0,0.2600770212048468,0.0,0.13050484607374122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274003154956472,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DistortedPancake,2019/09/21,"I’m worried for my friend Disclaimer: I apologize in advance if I seem harsh, feel free to give me any constructive criticism on the situation if there’s anything I did wrong. I’m not the most educated person about PTSD and I don’t have it myself so I can’t even imagine what it’s like in your shoes, so thank you if you take the time to help me. I will be giving fake names to spare the confusion I’ve been friends with Janet for years since the beginning of her abusive relationship which is how she found out about her PTSD. I’m so proud that she’s accomplished so much regarding her progess with PTSD but this is the thing I’m worried about. I’ve been noticing that she has this pattern with pleasing people and this obsession with keeping an image (or at least keeping an image around me). I’ve tried talking to her about it and she has no idea it’s happening and she thought I was “testing” her. What I mean by this is that when she’s in a relationship, all she does is talk about the guy she likes to point where I feel like I’m not allowed to talk to her about anything else. She does anything her s/o at the time does and wont do anything he wouldn’t. She’ll talk to anybody she wants now which is great but she’ll want to be closer to the people he’s close with and I’m worried it’s only because thats her’s s/o’s group of best friends (because it’s also my group of best friends). We’ll call the friend group the A team from now on. I’ve gotten used to this but I think its also gotten to the point where she’s hurt me by cutting me off and then finding out that’s she’s compared me to her abuser because I’m very blunt and she’s very sensitive due to me telling her that I feel like I’m putting in more effort into the friendship and how I feel like the s/o at that time is an asshole. (She’s even admitted to being very sensitive when it comes to constructive criticism of any kind so I don’t want you guys to think it’s me being mean to her). When I learned she had PTSD, I had no idea what it was about, I knew nothing and tried researching in any way I can to help. I never had any luck finding stories through the best friend’s eyes but I’ve learned a few things about it that I would like to think helped us. What I meant by keeping an image around me is that she’ll only tell me good things about the relationship unless its stuff that’s very obvious to me, but she wont tell me anything else until that relationship is over. For example she’ll go on about how she’s met the one and that he treats her like a queen, and then when they break up she’ll tell me how he manipulated her and it was just a sexual relationship and he wanted nothing else. To be honest I dont even think she should be in a relationship for a while because she’s had a record of going to the first guy that gives her compliments, then as soon as they start dating they’ll go super fast and next thing you know it all goes down in flames and she’s telling me that he’s a dick, but the thing is I know she wont do that which I’ve accepted, I’ve done all I could to help her and she does the exact opposite of what I suggesty. Currently: She’s in a LDR with a boy I introduced her to named Mark and (this isnt a bad thing, I also have this) he has Aspergers. He’s very smart but I also think in certain situations that he doesnt know any better given that also he’s very young. I can’t really blame him for anything because he’s just trying to be a good boyfriend to her and I’m glad she has someone thats good to her. But the problem that I fall into with Mark currently is that I cant trust him with venting about anything because he’ll tell her immediately, making her freak out because it’ll usually come out different than how I worded it and that I’m not telling her any of this. I know why this problem occurs and again I dont blame him but it’s something I worry about when I hang out with the a team because he’s also a big part of that group too. She’s currently with him IRL, and I feel bad saying this but I’ve been kind of over it since she landed (She’s from UK and he’s from alaska). They’ve been together three months and she plans on spending thousands of dollars to see him continuously. Some friends who drove almost an hour to meet up with Mark (whom I know from a team) have told me how uncomfortable they felt because when they hung out with Mark and Janet, they felt third wheeled the entire time from their already big hickies and them leaving the conversation to cuddle and make out. A few days ago they even admitted to MY boyfriend that they had sex and what they don’t know is I heard the conversation, I don’t plan on taking it out on her I just feel really hurt because if Mark told her so called best friend about that, all hell would break loose and she would only reach out to do damage control. I’ve been going back and forth with myself asking if I’m selfish for feeling hurt and not trusting her anymore because of all this. So this is why I came to reddit, My question is what do I do about this, I don’t want to “fix her,” I know that this is most likely her PTSD doing this. But the thing is, it feels like she only wants to talk to me in hopes that I tell her what she wants to hear, and that’s not the person my mom raised me to be. I want a friendship built on honesty and trust, and this friendship feels like nothing of the sort.",3.9078115050391418,4.367937164747566,4.647646206880044,88.9152023436191,71.06377325066431,7.767893136715102,26.505649582266056,7.681894048564974,1.1715187465587815,4245,127,956,47,74,1367,346,1129,0.099,0.743,0.158,0.9969,5,0,1,0,1,0,69.0,2,5,11,18,57,61,2,2,51,0,82,5,3,12,9,182,168,84,0,22,26,1,11,10,8,18,0,3,0,6,84,64,0,4,41,3,3,12,24,16,0,5,30,16,156,46,137,111,18,102,1,4,2,3,168,48,2,16,49,629,240,8,0.0,0.08872378948367103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03318951074601933,0.0,0.03749211837813996,0.0,0.04131747701253085,0.17965107506025174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527684715925502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0371317730123593,0.0,0.0,0.21567737070343426,0.06666150527104613,0.03500262180514165,0.0,0.0,0.028790098355992364,0.06252395123702055,0.251062992599822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716960932092894,0.03311384445901521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646363915948036,0.04282294675200588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06450484085113986,0.0,0.0,0.041993674242930136,0.029893883101321832,0.0,0.0,0.0241465828007917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03911825714934565,0.0,0.0,0.13106076233494318,0.03831551547783344,0.0877620012178889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09383236757020813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989186731317186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17038331092877365,0.13374059220332632,0.07189916345208501,0.0,0.06844145810223913,0.03184760570813931,0.0,0.041052523873922636,0.2314168440735989,0.0,0.0,0.1077515062149686,0.0851151616391829,0.09421212101339134,0.0,0.04127923678892117,0.0,0.111218512802125,0.033109275174295336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04219913920055683,0.0,0.10038463018023687,0.0,0.0,0.0371877233063176,0.03687220226552136,0.0,0.120245265956451,0.08453348679185296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998388158830696,0.0,0.07797883945726633,0.1440375641359936,0.0,0.0,0.039644999137467635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18291959568242824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049984803381774134,0.0,0.0,0.08156924499538368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04385087384806816,0.029885340112024657,0.0,0.027523711131501632,0.0,0.02887708866282506,0.0,0.03981931614803973,0.0,0.0,0.10777799775843183,0.04262724189908605,0.0,0.0,0.02537123772778277,0.11390338018343925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040545349362798064,0.0,0.05191425598566228,0.06538471099418625,0.0,0.041099375037221365,0.07078838356738393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716526589501022,0.21883475871344374,0.03763891292293469,0.04194289735083842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047971793967520514,0.0,0.0,0.24118808205024375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029774876015646736,0.0,0.0,0.029835920135977963,0.03408521224630792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06194376761778411,0.08417132536513212,0.0,0.0,0.031723946829655965,0.028824191784869075,0.0,0.0,0.026501190661988618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04286140484207603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630249327570716,0.15046975356125716,0.2618032245166907,0.03447097823276727,0.0,0.0,0.17412065323856593,0.11995457349861086,0.0,0.02972426135061145,0.0873294434664639,0.0,0.0,0.07155365701831105,0.0,0.07626068679760188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04503735173050648,0.03233731771184275,0.04123637356840208,0.1853582824502078,0.1766710958968338,0.02971921256661429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757001606510253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209409330125026,0.0,0.07979181376617919,0.0409362546828642,0.0,0.024111011319526084 ptsd,bistrmungle,2019/09/21,"Nightmares I am undiagnosed but am pretty sure I have ptsd (I'm not self diagnosing, please dont leave a bunch of comments about how I am self diagnosing). I recently started college and my nightmares have gotten so much worse. I have nightmares almost every night, but they usually arent about my abuse. Now I'm starting to experience extremely realistic dreams about my abuse. The dreams about my abuse are so much more realistic and terrifying. When they happen, i wake up and cant go back to sleep. I also cant stop thinking about it for at least the first few hours of my day, and then I get anxiety to go to sleep that night. I have these dreams around 3-4 times a week now. Yesterday night, I woke up to myself kicking in the air and yelling which I have never done before. Being an architecture student in college doesnt give me the free time I need to be able to be affected by these dreams for hours after I wake up. They just keep getting worse. Do any of you experience this? What can I do?",5.106466224131196,5.915374695431472,5.833705583756345,80.22846544318628,68.54314720812182,9.10722374072628,29.367044123389306,9.265573868473778,2.336286528699726,793,28,159,15,13,259,112,197,0.095,0.701,0.204,0.978,1,0,0,0,4,0,21.0,0,1,3,1,15,2,0,0,7,0,21,6,4,2,2,19,36,13,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,7,6,0,2,1,4,1,2,7,0,0,1,3,1,25,3,26,30,6,33,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,1,23,112,32,3,0.11465360604838296,0.4075373246127907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11480902477837522,0.0,0.0,0.09168844733368488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796838375257897,0.0,0.08770969480629294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020660173591266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881615459064645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09756177411006813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394209084503373,0.0,0.0,0.2327419933993227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733044586927495,0.1343731723932037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660060806524357,0.0,0.0,0.22430645403486366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752429873393273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11980355401440425,0.10998618627139237,0.1303205730213685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10138780517923628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22582141349493545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10190939307078656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140161413141252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16856718531710682,0.08501419611430881,0.08842792915512236,0.0,0.0,0.3227839272843902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585522960941267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11664393606661964,0.0,0.0,0.13402392994763598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320660405868226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23921743226163214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22947281502296055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623048249598344,0.0,0.0,0.0958555485050834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805966683090816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07346540124609885,0.0,0.0,0.13371087941337592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262747489228398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196820697310702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23368363938979755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,peri_5xg,2019/09/21,PTSD denial & misdiagnoses Is it a common occurrence with sufferers of PTSD to be in denial? I am positive my close friend suffers from it but he is absolutely adamant he doesn’t have it. I’m worried he is never going to get well if he doesn’t disclose his past to his doctors and get treatment specifically for PTSD. What can I do as a friend to help him?,1.779166666666665,4.2677952500000025,3.817222222222224,83.72500000000005,82.6111111111111,6.933333333333335,25.66666666666667,8.07648339933343,1.8606333333333345,286,12,56,6,8,97,51,72,0.076,0.74,0.184,0.8523,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,10,1,0,0,1,6,14,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,0,6,3,10,13,0,6,0,2,0,0,10,2,0,1,3,37,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.230390209162498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21764119287162206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285629399675037,0.0,0.22218628831826331,0.0,0.12084551518248657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14252492877778405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1639974166399498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20298441038038653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7456777001117648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911846300553636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21594142227113572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JME_AS,2019/09/21,"Panic over things not related to traumatic events I don’t understand why low flying jets cause my fight or flight response to kick in with a vengeance. I’m not a veteran and the events that caused my PTSD have nothing to do with jets or similar sounds. When they fly low over my house it’s loud it shakes my house. My anxiety gets so bad I start to see stars and feel like I’m going to pass out. I ran to the closet at one point yelling. My tiny anxiety ridden dog didn’t even care. It will be happening all weekend and I guess it’s supposed to get louder and last longer. My husband is going on a trip and I’ve texted family members and friends to see if anyone will take me out of town or at least sit with me. No one is available and I’m afraid to drive. I don’t want to panic and crash. I don’t understand why my reaction is so strong and it feels embarrassing especially cause I can’t pin point why the hell its messing with me so bad. At least my usual triggers make sense to me and it’s allowed me to find ways to cope. Everyone is so happy about the jets and have been bitching about people that don’t like it. So naturally there is a small selection of people I feel comfortable telling. TL;DR- don’t know why I’m frightened of jet sounds but I am panicking so bad to the point of almost passing out. I am wondering if anyone had pointers on how to handle sudden triggers or panic attacks from things not related to traumatic event they weren’t prepared for.",3.4846822742474903,4.9116989397993365,4.476655518394646,86.1216053511706,72.97993311036791,8.009364548494984,26.7123745819398,8.587818076936951,1.789503010033445,1169,41,242,21,23,380,155,299,0.147,0.773,0.08,-0.9571,2,0,0,0,2,0,18.0,0,0,2,1,12,23,4,6,9,0,23,0,0,8,1,48,48,26,0,3,10,1,3,2,1,2,0,4,1,0,12,18,0,0,8,1,0,9,12,16,0,2,5,9,26,7,39,40,3,38,1,2,2,0,6,18,2,9,11,146,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10196945606589683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15580151278818447,0.0,0.0,0.14240579096587924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11584793935473255,0.0,0.0,0.25507494272904074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038239178243026,0.3138267525289343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725869149529505,0.0,0.0,0.09730428422440207,0.0,0.0,0.09599759855628542,0.0,0.15446707458958978,0.07274838569194064,0.0,0.0,0.09307207163721257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0786747012954528,0.0,0.10640542641305567,0.0,0.11574628362915874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11217878800505976,0.0,0.09004918703733414,0.10840143849408518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349995695008455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055963884461828685,0.08300619730011917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09949937470807883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797326255339184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977099924172025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13800720912739842,0.0,0.0,0.3584316862604174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14119416757230294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2887908157928545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903547881323367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229291270269094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07207680210668507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656455360261907,0.0,0.08900514813211402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530453918341692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21202019578138093,0.0,0.0,0.1121529207949944,0.0,0.0600628089665035,0.08082904010810313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675480651709306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043182947818994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,26624,2019/09/21,"being witness or in multiple verbal abuse situations i among others have witnessed or been on the receiving end of a friends temper. (some friends 20+ years). i've known him 4. countless times have i been involved with his fits, and others that have known him longer have witnessed way more than i.. my childhood was great. i only me this friend 4 years ago. took 2 to change my life. i'm 30. i'm not sure if me not being desensitized to his violent outbursts over the past 20 years.. but i am the only one that his outbursts of impacted to the point of getting ptsd from it? &#x200B; i feel alone. no one understand me.",2.258474253019706,4.782770371900828,3.155702479338842,89.01579148124603,80.81818181818181,6.037126509853784,25.010171646535287,7.321109707123232,1.2428990464081373,489,19,96,7,13,155,80,121,0.113,0.813,0.07400000000000001,-0.5727,0,1,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,0,7,2,0,5,0,10,1,0,0,1,14,16,5,0,1,6,0,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,3,2,0,2,4,1,16,5,13,10,2,17,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,4,8,62,22,0,0.0,0.2050086813556898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337798064033714,0.0,0.0,0.1792037722521712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18747466386587872,0.21024672317648668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18303960552830534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153250549870108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748764151907147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4010406537224881,0.0,0.09039945722844102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19076285967301904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12221407515778725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2344951234028046,0.2631896350376277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16517383375105202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16356642626407467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20225928391794126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944895785165069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16307588385275745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10089342527395656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1922393446785556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18012719149963347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373407654174275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21024672317648668,0.33427111255282016 ptsd,datkaynineguy,2019/09/21,"I’m alone, and really not doing well Hi everyone, I am a combat vet, and I just have to do something to get my thoughts out. I was a K9 handler, and I live with my family going to school full time. My parents took the dog and went out of town for the weekend, and I thought I’d be okay. I was very wrong. Not having a dog, being alone in a house, and not armed is really getting to me. I set up noise traps on all of the doors to the outside, double locked them, set up cameras outside and inside the house, barricaded my room, locked it, and am just sitting here getting ready for someone armed to come through the door. I can’t help it, I feel naked and exposed. I don’t know how to calm myself down from this as I’ve always used my dog to calm my senses when the shit got really bad. I don’t really know what else to say, I’m sorry, I just hate this.",3.793551448551451,3.571956027472531,5.126463536463536,87.77762737262739,71.14285714285714,8.156643356643357,25.886113886113893,7.686295010490155,1.1161252747252743,655,17,152,7,11,220,106,182,0.121,0.7929999999999999,0.086,-0.6444,1,2,1,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,0,7,8,2,0,11,1,14,3,3,2,1,27,31,12,0,0,6,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,5,13,0,0,5,1,0,4,6,4,1,0,7,2,21,4,24,22,3,20,0,0,0,0,5,10,1,0,3,97,26,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166479631862289,0.0,0.0,0.1271974869789196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763745644394928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1316812781609095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12770065968664882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14607085125599578,0.0,0.0,0.14410928615752971,0.0,0.07729408578519836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23959990053317354,0.0,0.08687776861108215,0.0,0.12226160561970208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092439220388906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10246344487810803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3527757018654744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802327478364928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1349842524103009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16974057553891367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3917217413119643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12156587564865486,0.0,0.15470943997303396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15691565175009767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952360820417433,0.11768438976373895,0.0,0.17112195260510854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2427184487483793,0.08913790488440251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16984072425401342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13202789968640388,0.0,0.12613118244919508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374456803536584,0.14170912582351794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16713593177293512,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Odd_craving,2018/11/03,"[Trigger Nightmare Warning] Artificial heart and heart transplant-induced PTSD. Need help speeding up the process. I'm seeing a PTSD trained therapist, but nothing's changing the nightmares. Dreams of dying, getting shot, fighting siblings, burning in fires etc.... How do I move this process along faster? ",6.806874999999998,10.757519270833335,4.24666666666667,78.86500000000002,75.04166666666666,4.866666666666667,45.5,6.42735559955562,4.0207250000000005,247,18,31,2,6,68,43,48,0.067,0.8220000000000001,0.111,0.2846,0,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,1,2,2,2,0,6,5,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,4,5,1,5,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,2,14,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2375690753217353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330719254239729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25045891039609564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11733042912412975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5322415585308785,0.15052694008218748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386861802101156,0.0,0.1665184675662542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2154844113968832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5250290057928592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895607144407125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2607472409581672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RegularConstant,2018/11/03,"PTSD and repressing memories? Hi all, I have a feeling that I am repressing a lot of memories. To be honest I forget almost everything related with myself. It's especially true with people that hurt me, they just disappear from my mind as if it never happened. I cannot remember anything from 0-14 years old. The only things I remember are mostly false-memories from pictures. Most traumatic events I've had (loss of a close family member, parent divorce) were met by a non-emotional reaction from me. A kind of ""yeah, wtv"". This lead me to believe I'm internalizing a lot of stuff. I wanted to know if this makes any sense to you?",3.1164999999999985,5.641849650000001,5.223333333333333,75.42500000000003,77.5,9.333333333333334,27.5,9.725611199111238,3.2760000000000002,498,21,87,16,12,172,87,120,0.147,0.7859999999999999,0.067,-0.8504,1,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,1,1,2,1,7,0,2,7,1,7,0,0,2,3,26,14,4,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,2,4,0,0,2,2,4,0,0,3,1,13,3,16,10,5,7,0,2,0,0,6,1,0,7,4,61,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19164370973025305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13014787237205627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1574929543842198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156245442820524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152815539335363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17200384917858152,0.0,0.1804200652069088,0.0,0.09676964177193824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692404856104726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20488082866710186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19929727527431,0.1051797944499096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32541613959208043,0.0,0.0,0.12775049216485135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932435639760129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14760735421074345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20082560620938014,0.0,0.0,0.1455563680678628,0.0,0.0,0.2125095927094695,0.0,0.0,0.13268176133225876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371798016204714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4336021592949592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908921083997704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12714721070834786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288340618117625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324520071173807 ptsd,ReeferMaaan,2018/11/03,"I feel like I can't connect to other people. In social situations I can't connect with other people. I'm so quiet and introverted, I've always been a little more quiet than everyone, but lately I will be hanging out with my friends and I'll lately say two words to them. I just don't know what to say. Small talk seems so meaningless and fake to me I just think ""what is the point of commenting on the weather?"". I can't talk to women, I've never been the most outgoing or confident with women but I had my own charm and I could talk to women. Now I'll go to a party or something and get an opening from a woman to talk to her and I can't even ask her how she is or where she's from or anything. It's not really that I'm nervous, I just don't feel anything, I'm numb, there is no connection. After I got back from the war I was able to connect with my ex, but she cheated on me and better betreyed me. Now I can't connect with anyone. I can't tell if it's from the PTSD or the the broken heart or the meds I'm on, but I find it impossible to really connect and conversate with other people. I'm just so depressed all the time. Also does anyone else feel like they've been wrestling a gorilla for 5 hours straight after they wake up? And that's not the worst of it. I get night sweats every night. Every. Night. I wake up soaking wet. Also I'm having body temperature fluctuations. It will be room temperature and I start shivering uncontrollably, I'll be cold and sweating, or hot but shivering. I'm fucked up. I'll have a flashback, and a tinnitus ring in my ear all at the same time my back is hurting. I'm fucked up mentally, physically, and spiritually",1.7221032608695666,3.627871915942032,4.005991847826088,85.54420516304349,79.1159420289855,6.979166666666668,23.24501811594203,7.972316293177498,1.2466105072463771,1301,43,273,23,32,450,157,345,0.16,0.7440000000000001,0.096,-0.9817,0,0,1,0,0,0,38.0,0,0,2,1,17,16,4,2,18,0,25,10,7,1,3,55,47,32,1,2,19,1,5,2,1,2,1,6,1,4,12,21,0,0,7,0,0,2,12,11,0,1,6,12,34,5,38,35,7,36,0,2,0,2,24,18,2,10,18,182,46,0,0.10914260148775692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456259795524673,0.09081538766932544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.152630089304248,0.11182949310013134,0.17963012294417996,0.0,0.10203359922284788,0.0,0.0,0.1678478471467065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0965277616364888,0.0,0.12123282581465092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08714148627366207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400436273318442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551142606094838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117463867028763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0720876589342735,0.0,0.18391469807047686,0.1042904329249847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16555733604136905,0.15594299262115294,0.0,0.0,0.09975436047486873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432330316951206,0.2018011527499626,0.11404500916520015,0.0,0.06202825561773055,0.0,0.08729130877615184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12933450826412946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1074834773625828,0.0,0.1168394122336195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05998191945205486,0.0,0.24623521679058274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066431241623429,0.10938955948094238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12123282581465092,0.0,0.109990071685826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841775026953131,0.0,0.0,0.30726881392100946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2269972126094553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10317503641236812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12758186052975168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13983909053818405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17358915473264444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935932528501668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12268085696798085,0.0,0.11125713756486397,0.0,0.08402330685034046,0.0,0.0,0.07725169508692127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.350898755310375,0.09539544435519023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0699341720482608,0.0,0.0,0.12728385725812444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661646261327562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thepollypockette,2018/11/03,"Therapy? So after browsing this thread, I have come to the conclusion that I don't have borderline or bipolar, I have PTSD attending from childhood trauma, experience emotional flashbacks, and suffer with sensory overload when I am triggered. I want therapy. I want to heal and become a whole human being. I want to work through my traumas, remember it, reconcile it, and move on. I want to be able to trust people who deserve it, and walk away from people who deserve that without feeling guilty. I want to be the best version of my self so I can raise my son's to be healthy human beings. I want to be able to like myself. I want to feel like I deserve things. My problems, and their dads, have affected them and I want to help them heal to. I can't fix the past but I can give them a emotionally healthy and stable ready of their childhood. So I need therapy. Probably specific therapy. I don't know how to really go about it. I've tried it before but it's been nothing profound and I have a hard time taking these people's time as if my experiences are as horrific as others who need help more. I tell whiney, complainey, undeserving of telling my story and it holds me back. I need to be able to unpack my trauma. I need to. Then I need to work through the emotions. The abandonment, fear, shame, unworthiness. Then I need to put it to bed healthily. Then I need to work with someone to difficult or how I feel about my abusers and what I should do next. How do I find someone like this, who can handle the fact that I am so emotionally fragile I may as well be porcelain? 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I recently left my SO of 3 years. We started seeing each other shortly before the year anniversary of when I was drugged and raped. Looking back on it now, I feel that I used the relationship to make some aspects of dealing with the trauma easier (even though it definitely complicated other things) and to completely suppress others. Eventually I came to the realization that I didn't love him as much as I should and that I dont think he is really able to love me due to traumas from his childhood and previous relationships. Now that I'm out of the relationship I'm living in an apartment on my own (first time truly living alone) and have recently started a position that limits my interaction with people somewhat. With all this change and the nature of this ending relationship, I feel like my PTSD has flared up again. I can sense the consistent, underlying physical tension again, almost all of my dreams are nightmares of one thing or another, anything sexual seems to stand out like neon and feel prickly, overwhelming, and dangerous to me (from conversations that coworkers have had, hearing someone watching porn through the walls of the apartment - even something more benign like a coworker giving me his number and expressing an interest in hanging out). Loneliness, a sense that there is something fundamentally wrong or broken with me... All the fun stuff that comes with the condition :) I lost pretty much all of my friends slowly but surely after the rape. Most of them were women and people I thought I would know for the rest of my life, but the emotional complications I went through and similar unacknowledged situations in their own lives drove us apart. Since I am not really talking to my former SO, I have 2 people who I consider friends. One moved several months ago to Seattle with his new gf and I dont hear from him often. The other is a good friend but has a very strong romantic interest in me that I can't deal with right now. This causes me to avoid opening up to him past a certain point as well. Not having a friend to walk with me during this time is hard. The situation would still be difficult but maybe a bit more manageable. Posting here is a possible coping outlet I'm trying for the first time. Just to get a little bit more out in the open to maybe another person. I currently take medication. I am on a waitlist to see a therapist I've worked with before and had a good experience with. My mother is spending a few days with me to try to help. Just needed to get it out. Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read.",7.992708098987628,7.974450143700789,8.163667041619801,68.84755905511814,62.326771653543304,11.666591676040495,35.859392575928005,11.20814326018867,4.175513273340833,2195,90,375,56,28,718,264,508,0.071,0.7759999999999999,0.153,0.9908,1,2,3,0,0,0,48.0,2,1,2,6,20,34,4,3,38,0,29,10,1,3,7,76,62,27,0,4,10,1,4,4,5,3,4,2,0,2,27,36,0,3,7,3,1,8,7,12,1,4,10,11,50,22,74,48,20,74,0,2,4,5,38,30,1,9,37,283,77,3,0.07217339946570568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397736393261133,0.0,0.07227123413895138,0.07474987548805137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136020450883586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050465319021544136,0.0,0.11878511637619722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05549688919105002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424274136979568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1575893189399494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08254714177576447,0.0,0.07414196232915146,0.07634988678346358,0.062170992970173776,0.07567243618340475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046545871899014594,0.14881521145161358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691733733087518,0.0,0.08369822984239744,0.0,0.0,0.08118536012492866,0.06392420972671344,0.0,0.0,0.0953396993271137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07059943366701672,0.0,0.0,0.10947911801362148,0.05156069099922722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12278131343146205,0.0,0.0,0.22304395757338386,0.0,0.07541524474724355,0.06923530127892276,0.0,0.12107124645617892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465318962088806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268933320149984,0.0,0.04837630831189561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039664612848893416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841660969600596,0.0,0.050978206463626864,0.14104110943888415,0.07233670689699702,0.19119130201857887,0.0,0.06060747821605115,0.0,0.07878579125213701,0.0,0.13027862171089605,0.0,0.048176304578990116,0.0,0.14501576105505554,0.0,0.0,0.07270710693497395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05760811887913075,0.07670890165792725,0.10611150597014103,0.053515661197996736,0.05566457501689525,0.069705518944897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09781312668044304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889767638039017,0.15010784313311168,0.06301902855566173,0.0,0.0,0.06822719099941818,0.08136466364504366,0.13824433223566862,0.07342629406209683,0.0,0.0,0.08436684171968016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219293061260218,0.0,0.13870838340973785,0.0,0.1425250498171921,0.3099488835417211,0.0,0.061635688794957726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11502571010527647,0.06570395223026564,0.0,0.0815353980548467,0.0,0.05970258185736275,0.16225184989270047,0.0,0.0,0.061152287155758635,0.11112521796393947,0.0,0.0,0.10216940723254972,0.0,0.11527554008698662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262127505369678,0.0,0.0,0.06802257485932947,0.0,0.1085308286156446,0.05801024461075244,0.0,0.06644756942599345,0.0,0.08379887954396212,0.09589759922881512,0.046245800143482056,0.07090999853069152,0.057297617328818426,0.16833955852622726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09800200130169608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681571308095345,0.0623346442099384,0.0,0.059550613169066874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06489255379649504,0.06690546437905684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05254309439207271,0.0,0.0,0.10253982444888876,0.0789102823456891,0.0,0.09295460591612624 ptsd,shrugiguess,2018/11/03,"Sigh... don't want to be cliche but here it is. A friend asked me if I have ever considered that I may have PTSD Backstory: 10 years mechanic in the Military, deployed once doing security detail, have had a lot of peer issues (mixed with hazing and supervisory power abuse) in the military, I am married (great supportive SO), Have a BS, also was injured in the mil and have a VA disability. It's weird because I have never considered it. That being said, I do odd things out of natural habit. I deal with hyperarousal (especially in public places), I am always assessing my surroundings and the people, I always have an exit strategy, when I enter a room I look for things that I can use as a weapon in case I need one, I typically always carry my knife and sleep with it close by (in college it was under my pillow), I am very uncomfortable if my back isn't facing a wall, I have a really hard time falling asleep, I worry about the doors being locked and the windows being locked (im on the 3rd floor), I want all doors closed, I have set up booby trap type things so if someone opens my bedroom door Ill hear it. I need a fan to sleep, I typically try to exhaust my mind every night to fall asleep, and when I am in my apartment alone it's hard to fall asleep. After writing all that it, sounds like I am paranoid but I do all of this so well that it doesn't seem weird to me. I don't act jumpy in public, Its more of a weird calm, like I can process things better and more efficiently but when I get home after being in public I feel exhausted. Also, I have a very very hard time trusting people which has led to me isolating myself (except with my wife) away from social groups and friends. I now work from home and I have gone days without leaving. &#x200B; Idk, I dont FEEL like I have PTSD, this is just my life... My question is, does anyone else do these things? &#x200B; Please comment, I have other habits to list but I would really like some help understanding PTSD more from another person point of view. My goal is to see if I should go and see a doctor.",3.9276642335766425,5.14406452798054,5.0556763990267655,83.21709124087594,71.60340632603406,8.010413625304137,24.89221411192214,8.447377352677275,1.5055913381995127,1615,46,325,26,30,533,212,411,0.12,0.735,0.145,0.9520000000000001,1,1,0,0,1,0,65.0,0,0,0,4,15,20,1,0,20,0,45,12,6,2,5,52,64,27,0,10,11,1,5,4,2,3,6,3,9,1,25,18,0,1,5,0,0,8,7,6,2,1,5,12,50,13,43,51,8,48,0,0,4,0,17,25,0,9,18,225,75,5,0.0,0.10245744409502362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08956089252283067,0.0,0.1383063106051862,0.21585966344195212,0.1873888926581158,0.2101505335634308,0.0,0.09067543537524964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046456911812977,0.08860274072852968,0.0,0.0,0.08084143356928154,0.0,0.08124508583530993,0.06649309976423406,0.0,0.05271369346131288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647914696103622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055768518720749546,0.08915080507867029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850971201697069,0.0756739021638327,0.0,0.10134677954782506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223785646499889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07822060313164768,0.07285799952036598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08744761520019359,0.06177697922350148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336190581032457,0.0,0.04517904936490834,0.0,0.04914511635512626,0.0,0.0,0.09533779204425252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323909168712983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746238231393176,0.0,0.05796163968280544,0.0,0.17348076656390704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340666276694694,0.09025629634964934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09156338579343297,0.0,0.0,0.06107908060429304,0.16898713959431094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261630614294767,0.0,0.0,0.07351702670876477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731399906550412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823861844714762,0.0666940110316853,0.0,0.0,0.08114990747395855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920918929027249,0.058596959986572064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11990024347110788,0.07550568354149306,0.0903468318541889,0.09492238653741253,0.08174579663628043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032501229365157,0.0,0.09687057068944832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11079480322399456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225649158989587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13781702234069498,0.07872260074815306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307272264360915,0.08814926224365069,0.07326906408503171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812956932431326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28724711986651685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10084726569824302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871010920283424,0.0,0.0,0.09002239091059401,0.0,0.07468569457921805,0.0,0.21405009831311345,0.10200910621828103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775043099608789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335776427651463,0.0,0.06295403703271164,0.08781845405996848,0.0,0.06142858524389666,0.0,0.2101505335634308,0.05568636345947501 ptsd,FatalFeralFemme,2018/11/03,"Unsure where to start I hate strangers and this feels strange. Not sure what I'm looking for. Camaraderie? How long did it take for emdr to positively effect you? My therapist is amazing and I'm going 2x a week, but it's killing me. The emotional hangover is real. I can't connect. With anyone. With anything. I feel like my dog hates me (and everyone around me) and I obsess. I always think I'm wrong. Everything is my fault. Nothing new right? How do you deal. I'm on meds. I have breathing exercises. Great resources and literature. I can't stop. Negative self talk is like a literal obsessive chant. I'm acting out all over the place. I feel disgustingly alone (and guilty for feeling this way). I'm a grown human. Ive done the work before. It keeps coming back. I keep getting assaulted. I'm stuck in a cycle. I want out. I'm trying. So fucking hard. And it feels like nothing. I have no goals. I don't want to feel this way, but I also have no dreams/passions/aspirations for my life. What are my options?",0.12345551285840985,2.3975639246231166,2.1690289683712685,89.93647576115875,100.70854271356785,5.155246822347031,21.43083062370677,6.794906146795322,0.921953473248596,787,31,156,14,34,261,120,199,0.22699999999999998,0.607,0.166,-0.9498,0,1,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,2,0,3,7,16,6,2,7,0,15,4,1,3,2,35,44,13,1,2,3,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,9,13,0,3,8,1,0,4,7,10,0,0,3,8,24,6,15,41,1,21,0,0,1,1,6,9,1,1,9,89,33,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315103521769114,0.0,0.10281065717118444,0.10697354183435027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989325301797653,0.0,0.1057952345116133,0.11444707184699145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885592716914957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939644418384367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11074442626748833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1325413542935555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156314232378266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446144849683831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12284610874585965,0.11554286750094445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3900276168503753,0.18368885133953192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11885311845235765,0.06716812465390766,0.0,0.07306451436837608,0.0,0.0,0.14173960696991908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516593267801505,0.2538559081111769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22854289669435585,0.14223435148385702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09080685311988416,0.1884260971080916,0.0,0.0,0.11377296165916002,0.10795935663720058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280294448779274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1241655848561651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2467166260913839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343194987360954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14633123527089698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979089551414596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341177767364494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09099655519002453,0.0,0.0,0.10748324594751216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116777722446373,0.0,0.09666231608316768,0.10333293631221983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14926991501336653,0.0,0.082377075859603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08728488068727433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516579135377987,0.20409241237609035,0.1031243528789358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09359436876873016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1405619168600264,0.0,0.0 ptsd,robotbotany,2018/11/03,"Sexless I've been living with my boyfriend for a few years. He is generally very supportive of me and my needs. But lately it's been bad. I've been triggered somehow and my PTSD is at an all-time high since my diagnosis almost 5 years ago. Yes I'm back in therapy, yes I'm on medication. I've had trouble having sex ever since I was sexually assaulted. Sometimes I can manage, but generally it is to please my partner. This is a particularly bad swing for me and it's been months since my boyfriend and I have had sex. I can feel him wanting me but being too afraid to trigger me. I brought it up today. I told him I know it's been a while but I'm just not comfortable at the moment. I also told him that I don't know when I'd be ready, and I might go through bad swings like this a lot. Months, or longer, without sex. He didn't seem okay with it, and I am devastated. A lot of my self worth is wrapped up in my ability to have sex. If this person who loves me and has supported me since my diagnosis can't deal with it, who will? ",1.6776677933365534,3.3058101467889927,3.7700579430226964,88.46902704007728,78.26605504587154,7.1582810236600665,24.31772090777402,8.032893268588372,1.1919321100917433,804,28,184,14,19,275,118,218,0.12,0.755,0.125,-0.1992,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,0,7,12,1,1,7,3,27,6,0,2,1,35,43,16,0,3,9,0,1,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,13,10,0,0,4,0,1,2,5,6,0,0,12,1,29,6,19,27,3,22,0,0,0,5,14,8,0,8,13,120,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172919505493877,0.0,0.13249739438620706,0.0,0.0,0.1058146812977584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017443980576928,0.3314400859701364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641407952478987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968923406425355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690397200365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07519938608302289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13980126413533392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454370584487794,0.0,0.149260501929857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464390612889834,0.0,0.11683924523397117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22498411582544325,0.11942218869358392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13329649530713206,0.0,0.14036852046422887,0.0,0.0,0.21122997933867685,0.0,0.0,0.09811214312400968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553500061063585,0.0,0.14524546328404922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546726970091473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12045736557712987,0.13803656344790793,0.0,0.0,0.437819369129405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086591566641362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30030586626172745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.151317199667753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12542202150565526,0.25287109728263113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10917623274333632,0.07804460271353547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.127549859757192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.170416947030457 ptsd,JewishFentanylSeller,2018/11/03,"I don't fit in here, but it's not my fault. You know, I came here to tell a heartfelt story about my wartime experiences and how rough my deployments were. Maybe we could've talked a bit about substance abuse and the strong pull of escapism. Nope. All I found here was a bunch of fat chicks crying about post-sex regret and imaginary stories about domestic abuse. Thanks. I don't really know what else I expected from reddit, but thanks. I hope you all feel as fraudulent as I'm telling you that you are.",3.787803030303032,5.565278424242425,3.7776641414141423,90.01982954545456,72.83838383838383,7.77828282828283,24.49621212121212,8.472884824447931,1.3598575757575757,400,12,84,7,8,122,70,99,0.209,0.595,0.195,-0.3956,0,0,0,0,2,0,12.0,1,4,0,1,8,7,0,0,4,0,5,1,1,1,2,18,14,8,0,3,3,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,5,1,0,4,0,0,2,4,2,0,0,4,2,14,5,11,10,4,4,0,1,0,0,9,2,0,1,0,51,17,0,0.0,0.4768435536618653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21968839942066445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301507434063943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.160663848261465,0.0,0.22103904725495288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680998217842469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19683918537933948,0.0,0.0,0.10174671045044394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22063565459444887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998643907927561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22117883036817226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021601505181612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19272039680180086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891154020882584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16173910610520112,0.3517635480438133,0.3705266390078776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thisisnotamainacc,2018/11/03,"I’m scared about addressing my ptsd As a child I am 99% sure I had ptsd as a result of sexual abuse I endured. Background: My in my 20’s, a woman and I have been formally diagnosed with anxiety/depression I was adopted at the age of 4 and I’ve repeatedly asked my parents about potential sexual abuse that occurred prior to my adoption, but they just say that it was suspected. If I wanted I could probably get a hold of the reports, but I fear what it may open up emotionally... the trauma it’ll bring up. I firmly believe I was sexually abused, I have certain memories and did certain actions that are the markers of a sexually abused child.... Bringing things into the present, I live day to day relatively well, I deal with my anxiety and depression. I think my ptsd lingers in the realm of anything sexual or intimate. I panic whenever I’m going to have sex (which isn’t often at all). My issues have even impacted my sexuality, I noticed that I much more comfortable with women, but I have come to the conclusion I’m pansexual. Anyways, I know I need to address this... I can’t run forever... I’ve been to therapy, not in a few years, but I never discussed this. I know it’ll be best if I see someone eventually... Eventually. ",3.2581330942418774,5.315695933054394,5.684554692169755,74.5778940027894,75.02510460251045,9.573301454473002,31.46463438932058,9.957137785484203,3.639903606296075,964,48,177,30,21,341,135,239,0.159,0.7559999999999999,0.085,-0.9563,1,0,0,0,4,0,41.0,0,0,1,2,7,11,0,3,13,0,21,2,0,1,5,36,36,13,0,5,9,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,2,4,13,10,0,1,5,0,0,6,4,5,1,0,7,2,34,6,26,24,5,23,0,1,1,1,10,9,0,5,8,128,47,1,0.0,0.5731691184024241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251757828911772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09952203441461076,0.0,0.11306111922506902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625621159103316,0.12691743519181758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10417776049269452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09655950632024794,0.0,0.0,0.1559905821978905,0.1246822249060224,0.20832820842554914,0.12274997446429516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603947111903958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07987870136407921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13608937187723194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06318534520226689,0.0,0.06873210449434886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622831426728193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292921151797782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067908613455444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889036713614965,0.08967432348342476,0.09327518328072686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376892195509902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189520585713467,0.13428782945725118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13039209699011492,0.0,0.42411170597264497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09617510442095467,0.12108047987095548,0.0,0.09637228155257584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247075075589378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11398305179380508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383036500839765,0.0,0.08034612804943257,0.07749247134354117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133262741007514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873818487045564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07788039252058238 ptsd,throwawayacct654987,2019/08/25,"Best type of therapy for working through trauma? Brief note ahead of time: I have not been diagnosed with PTSD and honestly I don't know if I have it or not. But I did experience a few significant medical traumas a couple of years ago, and I've never talked through them or about them with anyone ever. I now have nightmares and unexplained anxiety and insomnia (partially from the nightmares waking me up, partially from fear of going to sleep and having nightmares) and a bunch of other things and am generally in a bad place. I want to see a therapist, but I really don't know what type to use. I'm sorry for asking this here, I just thought that people on this sub would probably have an idea of what type of therapy is good for trauma-related mental health issues. Does anyone know what type of therapy I should be looking for? Because when I look online there are so many different types recommended, and I don't have the money to go try 5 or 6 different types of therapy.",7.511489361702132,7.020531000000003,8.123914893617021,70.30300000000003,63.46808510638298,12.200851063829784,35.289361702127664,11.602472056035307,4.218891914893616,780,31,141,22,10,261,116,188,0.063,0.86,0.077,0.5283,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,3,8,7,0,1,8,0,17,6,2,1,2,31,30,16,0,4,9,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,9,10,0,0,5,0,1,3,6,4,0,0,3,3,14,3,28,24,3,15,0,0,3,0,4,4,0,4,8,103,23,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893549274148263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09401130975242426,0.0,0.0,0.1718565460045718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11488653396447535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10260888580537708,0.0749132377649632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289665654186783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359765990871719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12473181945384305,0.0,0.2567899629712433,0.0,0.0,0.10754277784694184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11116198193967347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202110187266694,0.0,0.1382865865077251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968362088687006,0.10307517439622496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306274295984171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13872902657853406,0.0,0.1282663183749117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20261310623765094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20639504654297885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245922267377074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379979469163123,0.12384526472392762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09478114656455497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519717418226583,0.0,0.12839498148562167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.132497326952274,0.0,0.14365305021720834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07872714746437627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792824866507267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297979111960433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375664588032701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09877516346848207,0.0,0.0,0.5621464603106658,0.1426859700553008,0.0816433468227909,0.0,0.0,0.09756175923725624,0.07165875408392164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834349498417661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613840215466162,0.0,0.0,0.07248431978997916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946614124007479,0.0,0.0,0.08729826938267299,0.0,0.0,0.07913780105671069 ptsd,wendigobones,2019/08/25,"*Possible TW*: Workbook/Book recommendation? I wanted books on a certain topic but didn’t want to include it in the title incase it was triggering to others. I was a victim of s*xual abuse from a family member from age 4 to 11. I also had a diagnosed autistic, narcissistic father who was physically and emotionally abusive toward me during my childhood until I was 16. Because these happened during young ages, I didn’t get to work on it until I was in my teens. I’m still struggling, and wanted to know if any y’all with similar experiences had some books or workbooks that helped you? I’m in the first few pages of The Body Keeps Score, but other recs would be great. If I formatted anything incorrectly, please let me know and I’ll change it. Thank you :-)",3.831586538461536,6.149998173611113,5.446666666666669,75.7419230769231,74.20833333333333,8.041880341880344,26.35470085470085,8.841846274778883,2.34379764957265,603,22,104,13,13,204,98,144,0.12,0.763,0.11699999999999999,-0.5439,0,0,0,0,1,0,21.0,0,3,0,2,2,5,1,1,7,0,12,2,1,1,1,19,23,11,0,6,5,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,9,0,14,3,18,11,3,14,0,0,0,0,6,6,0,4,8,73,23,3,0.0,0.4328794457159241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14608494190588378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12422510296787022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15032576498188266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135683994815054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029104805229796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19324567735666565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854110390868651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548452093035255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17869097067128253,0.17220950884027114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553830600174702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544002400116376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2013995710141893,0.0,0.0,0.16153868955453868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12244304296430115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1623697226786861,0.0,0.0,0.20078654468245932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679732167613924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005220334807453,0.0,0.20593834780105025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14588430163586044,0.0,0.0,0.1909713251438093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16818237856524634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32323892432446794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298940304925874,0.0,0.0,0.12976691038100432,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MalmulaatPallasCat,2019/08/25,"How do I trust my body again? TW: near-death experience About a third of a year ago, my then-partner had a near-death medical issue that I saved them from, but the panic I felt from that moment quickly morphed into Acute Stress Disorder and then PTSD. The panic attacks I used to have pre-PTSD were all sort of average - a psychological feeling, not a physical one - and now they're 90% physical, thundering heart, shortness of breath, numbness in arms and face, etc. I was a nervous person before, but seeing that accident happen to my partner (and the terror of losing them) and doctors not knowing why the hell it happened has pushed me into a state of panic whenever I experience anything slightly out of the ordinary, basically 0 to OMG-gonna-die. I'm feeling exhausted? Couldn't be because I spent yesterday moving a bunch of stuff, NOPE GONNA DIE. That bruise on my shin isn't going away really fast? Can't be because bad bruises take a while to heal, NOPE GONNA DIE. Doesn't matter I had an EKG and all readings say I'm really healthy - partner was too and nearly died, NO HOPE FOR ME. Add to this the fact that partner and I separated suddenly just over a month ago (after being together nearly a decade) and I get the added thought AND NOBODY WILL KNOW YOU DIED flavor on there, and waking up in the middle of the night in a panic is much harder when I'm alone. Feeling crappy for being rejected by a partner and adding the physical fears onto it, and being nearly 40 - I feel like a stranger in my body. My trauma therapist has emphasized mindfulness, and my physical therapist is recommending good exercises to help work out pinched nerves and such, but I still feel remote from myself, tired of thinking about my body, and just exhausted at it. I fear that if I don't get over this, I'll be unsuitable for any kind of physical relationship with a new partner for a long, long time. I just want to feel even semi-normal, to work out and be physical and not be basically SCARED of myself so much. I didn't even think I was someone so frightened of death - I'm just FRIGHTENED, I guess, and god I am so sick of that. I guess I just want to feel like there is some hope, that it's still really early for me, etc. I know time is relative and PTSD doesn't really care about that, but it's so hard to be patient. I've had to be so damn patient for so many things, and this just wears me out. Any hope would be great.",6.594941577409928,6.1825022721519005,7.153755274261607,76.24469328140216,65.30801687763713,10.499058747160014,32.57676079195066,10.035473477838034,3.046391366439467,1903,68,368,38,26,628,230,474,0.242,0.635,0.122,-0.9975,0,2,0,0,0,0,64.0,0,1,2,3,29,31,3,10,27,0,36,18,9,2,3,76,73,36,5,8,14,0,9,2,5,4,9,2,0,6,19,29,0,0,14,2,1,3,13,20,0,2,11,13,39,11,60,46,8,51,1,2,1,0,12,23,2,8,26,250,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988037180406384,0.0,0.0,0.07587481746607902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09963803545350916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060286381508231415,0.0,0.0,0.08334333353884353,0.0688297747389982,0.0,0.061168678377530414,0.08931670412552843,0.0,0.06233849568136441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24412459119635024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469301103444137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041274573418616,0.0,0.08396181067496154,0.07498427108183331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16340756495836414,0.0967745061310762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14332382783834094,0.0,0.16487476045811034,0.2592956678958423,0.10467329858272796,0.07034067293894929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655020014409858,0.0,0.041635100184423283,0.061446649009613726,0.0,0.08076893122891393,0.1614073447791021,0.0,0.12956638628113248,0.0,0.06562618237228797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08681293960717007,0.049104343504017885,0.0,0.0,0.21828984011840868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07646395449831249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628856552799493,0.1207846263337342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158184788949395,0.0,0.0,0.12966482287352155,0.0,0.08195871638366102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07427370237812088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0738013064390945,0.0,0.0,0.07397127869889983,0.0,0.05847508742963625,0.07786332583589382,0.10770842217419044,0.0,0.0,0.07075454630245898,0.0,0.06874914087536832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049642578560892735,0.0,0.0,0.3438172688011849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396742813725192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25690954027181834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327939206330968,0.0,0.1877278181136428,0.0,0.0,0.07865335831329337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05825894808943392,0.07334560678583273,0.0,0.058378389938181625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06207259336931094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11701036965341703,0.0,0.08391858646199762,0.0,0.08386467699890711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055082077106407036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012000749824446,0.04867040105026422,0.09388354486343893,0.0,0.05815991301230027,0.08543648529247061,0.0842010953305121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327274420675227,0.0,0.0,0.08642078139425527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06610536440639346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666767456325044,0.0,0.0,0.05204149446581267,0.0,0.0,0.04717675922848048 ptsd,DarkVikingMermaid,2019/08/25,"Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault I just want to get better I have PTSD from childhood rape from ages 6-11 by a close family friend, and it got a lot worse when I was raped again last year by someone who wanted to “do a photo shoot of me” (yes I know I was dumb for falling for that), so that’s that. I went to the hospital got diagnosed and thought I was getting better. I was telling my story to others and helping people get through their trauma, I wasn’t having flashbacks or as often as I used too and I could go out and party and even have my photo taken by loved ones. Today, someone on tinder asked me to do a photo shoot of me and I flipped. It immediately sent me into a panic attack and I feel like I overreacted because it’s not fair to blame every stranger photographer or assume they’re all just trying to hurt me. I don’t want to be afraid of the world and everything anymore. I thought I was getting better. Am I going to get better?",3.5951369356032568,4.688871507772023,5.132542561065879,82.81866580310881,72.2642487046632,7.1723168023686155,26.73908216136196,7.447530270364453,1.4214740192450042,743,25,147,8,14,251,114,193,0.214,0.642,0.14400000000000002,-0.9503,0,0,0,2,0,0,16.0,0,0,1,4,8,16,5,2,7,1,15,4,0,2,1,31,37,15,0,4,5,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,8,12,0,0,5,0,0,5,3,9,0,1,13,1,26,7,25,22,2,17,0,1,0,3,8,5,1,5,8,104,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13456857979800865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1268523618292322,0.15436760714172226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271570927275827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4800291135054206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083378752814628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772306768232667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962233876098598,0.0,0.11432515368979533,0.0,0.12194993086116705,0.0,0.1279169889686955,0.0,0.06860922694407515,0.09693736707997144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048341942827373,0.0,0.3544636001677617,0.0,0.15423215068736934,0.0,0.21704828154175512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09095052579637426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525955674858768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07457198616433902,0.11060592123194833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06629155629066555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11535926641723004,0.12246603304493285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194743885806306,0.0,0.0,0.15920364240681914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407075305743608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15861500974222895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22994035157079035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859953501959025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21544630439086432,0.0,0.0,0.12861879017880604,0.0,0.0,0.09212498698763304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719308198698845,0.0,0.0,0.2401014333965559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578651361103346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13828027857746775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738027536908556 ptsd,Eagle1111222,2019/08/25,"30 year old male improving his life but has serious issues with relationships and social interaction &#x200B; 30 year old male who could be described as good looking. Suffering from PTSD the last nine years (outset was six months after turning 21). Doing EMDR therapy which is helping but therapist had to take two week off so some issues, so I am seeing myself start to fade into my old ways and I'm not happy about it. This treatment seems to be one of the most effective treatments so far so I am hoping it helps me. I have had really bad social issues the last nine years since the PTSD. It got progressively worse around 24 years of ago. I used to maintain somewhat of a network of friends. However, I deactivated all social media platforms which may be actually a good idea and have not made much of an effort to make friends. Lot of my former friends are screw ups and other ones are narcissist kinds of all people. In order to better myself and try to meet people, I Joined the gyms, worked out, went to only one meetup (thinking about going to others) and just job hoped leaving jobs after no time at all due to this PTSD bullshit. Resume is completely bullshitted by a few people I know who own other businesses. I do make money though and I do so by my online business in eCommerce which has been growing but my B.A degree hasn't done much if anything for me. Didn't meet many women the last three years of school unless they were online I was so psychologically fucked up. So as far as relationships since this is a relationship sub-reddit, I have dated all the wrong kinds of women. I am guessing that is because of my own problems and maybe I can contribute some of it to bad luck, I am not sure. I have dated mostly narcissistic women who don't give a flying fuck about anyone but themselves. I have met a lot of them online and have not met many women offline in probably five years or so. My two close friends I still keep in touch with can't introduce me to any women. I had a girl I went to high school with who apparently suffering from Boarderline personality disorder call the police on me and lie saying I was suicidal. Well, she technically had someone else (a third party as the police said) call the police and tell them I told the individual I was suicidal. It was big pile of shit and all lies. She was projecting her feelings of suicidal on to me after I told her I will never speak to her anyway because she has no empathy at all. So all these years, I've spent time having sex and or going to strip clubs and engaging in sex with escorts. I have completely fucked up the way I look at women. I went from a kid who had good morals to a complete con man and liar. My grandfather was in organized crime and I have been having the worst feeling that I could end up like him due to the way I am turning out. I have no criminal record but have gotten into issues with the police and other law enforcement tasks force. I always managed to escape getting any record. I almost feel like the way I look at most women is that they only give a fuck about money and that is it. I never wanted to believe this shit but I am from Connecticut and people without money here, don't make much of any good life for themselves. For the past decade, I planned on moving down South as much of my family is living down there. I don't fucking know. For the most part, I have lots of issues with relationships and I think by reading my post, you can tell them. Obviously, goes back to my childhood so I am hoping this EMDR therapy helps (have an appointment this Wednesday). If anyone has any positive or constructive criticism, please let me know. Please don't respond with completely negative bullshit. I really don't need to hear it from you trolls. If you want to say something that you would think could help, then do so. I don't want to sound like a wimp but enough is enough. I am really tired of all this bullshit.",5.172931871019916,6.2531738659658345,5.871507884362682,79.03263936621855,68.55321944809461,8.744779136763368,27.643813807742852,9.004326427715196,2.16114553724856,3116,99,581,55,52,1016,331,761,0.16899999999999998,0.7,0.131,-0.9934,4,0,1,0,0,0,70.0,0,4,5,6,24,40,9,0,32,0,77,13,2,6,12,110,132,52,3,15,20,0,4,3,4,3,3,6,0,13,32,33,0,1,12,3,4,7,20,18,1,11,29,14,79,22,100,93,29,83,1,2,4,8,69,32,8,24,41,423,111,8,0.0,0.0,0.047805598356144376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043425248653072436,0.0,0.0490547925083959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04076226176834099,0.05307889607451194,0.05952625138442789,0.1332551302332167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850763745675735,0.0,0.040313267832930925,0.043610049936190616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03766904518185247,0.08180651260627088,0.059725731173224376,0.0,0.0,0.055193135711898315,0.0,0.043326246671604465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004523925733036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20545356391422548,0.0,0.0,0.11733972068598307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05614493483931212,0.0,0.0,0.050132127575731794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040923510690110514,0.0,0.043389169726618,0.10123619691052804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04618189073637529,0.0,0.07431000012861153,0.03499731295156359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513932228966439,0.2264448686685885,0.02559440991372286,0.09398824799266428,0.055682457729077504,0.16435653671616945,0.039180487687731635,0.0,0.05396623049430933,0.0,0.0,0.0521490481375377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05521347171258267,0.0,0.13134353078845373,0.05175891976094712,0.0,0.1459695634361393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530192523081568,0.0,0.2556557385049419,0.09722682871508954,0.0435431286120079,0.0,0.10202773156323024,0.08076820783857251,0.11979621964944838,0.0,0.05187162771303757,0.0,0.05009394404287199,0.06920389198599804,0.07179975312213628,0.0,0.04325764260000189,0.0,0.12341371932141128,0.0,0.0,0.12494452253905153,0.0,0.04635399559410607,0.09810038474228554,0.09933306932690132,0.049215418511643017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03910206255757966,0.05206690184841454,0.14404840238678698,0.036324267702002117,0.07556572708504891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1542152120229826,0.0,0.09958739513181772,0.07451575054453817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304964846510644,0.04676495786210865,0.1358495153524988,0.04277476933540458,0.0,0.10754907441299208,0.0,0.0,0.04691733242194271,0.0,0.05281776603722944,0.04687526965029417,0.17179440607824267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049001643239762256,0.0,0.09414964402375488,0.0,0.0,0.21038077392058085,0.0,0.0,0.04659917358623607,0.07791506205007491,0.0,0.09915772457453327,0.0390374013227492,0.04459718700029941,0.0,0.0,0.10057174908254847,0.08104739873675404,0.0,0.0,0.14981247169901535,0.04150770072740188,0.03771365311951496,0.0,0.0,0.034674231955569394,0.0,0.039122188569439935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16075603038245112,0.0,0.04617097432148058,0.0,0.03683316980770444,0.0,0.08563601773021765,0.0,0.1120449781980898,0.056879292258406274,0.0,0.09416933960453497,0.04813084079906377,0.0,0.05713104399588756,0.05630494355382094,0.0,0.09362100489623798,0.0,0.033259898606541216,0.10657059382137528,0.0957090702223539,0.0,0.0,0.04231023690454967,0.0,0.0,0.08668385843166172,0.15553880325078645,0.03929552854528498,0.0,0.044046442540425834,0.13623817464424418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04722305622574111,0.0,0.03566412866558508,0.0,0.049923350821078016,0.03479994407260695,0.05356111007879463,0.05952625138442789,0.25237531697041776 ptsd,sketchnscribble,2019/08/25,"Needing a haircut, but PTSD is getting in the way I am a 26yo woman from Washington state with CPTSD from domestic/child abuse. I have gotten away from my abuser and have been away from them for almost 7 years now. Here is my problem, I need a haircut. It's not like I haven't had a haircut in the past 7 years, I have, they just all made me experience a lot of panic and fear. My mother (my abuser) used to cut my hair, she would often yank on my hair or hit me if I moved while she was cutting my hair, screaming in my ear all the while. I got my hair cut at a place called 'Sports Clips' and thought that the VIP treatment sounded nice. Boy, was I wrong. I let the lady know that I have PTSD and that I get spooked when people around outside of my peripheral vision without letting me know where they are going and loud noises scare me. She said that that would be no problem. I felt nervous the whole time and I felt scared to tell her that she was making me nervous because she wasn't telling me where she was moving, my bf, who was with me, had to tell me when she was moving around. And then, the washing part, we went to the back, in a dimly lit area where my BF wasn't allowed to accompany me to. Did I also mention that I am agoraphobic and my BF is the only person who makes me not fall into a panic attack in public? I was too scared to argue and went along with it. It was so scary because it was dark, I couldn't see well, I couldn't hear her voice and I wasn't allowed to move. After that ordeal was over, I told myself that I was never going back there again. Where are some places I could go to where I can get my hair cut where the hairdresser will accommodate my needs and do so consistently?",4.681029055690075,4.518374245762711,5.317619047619051,86.96228813559324,69.2542372881356,7.759806295399518,26.461662631154155,6.868970318607317,0.9746442292171102,1329,34,293,9,21,430,175,354,0.225,0.7440000000000001,0.031,-0.9974,2,0,0,0,4,0,35.0,1,0,3,0,23,21,6,8,18,0,41,7,6,6,3,54,68,22,0,11,7,1,7,1,3,3,1,7,0,3,15,19,0,0,5,1,0,10,11,18,1,0,28,16,62,3,35,30,6,49,0,0,2,0,32,22,0,6,16,219,77,0,0.0,0.3135275780566905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832515037000567,0.0,0.0,0.0705379730693909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570433395513082,0.0,0.10034658473562448,0.16574409805582793,0.13564929785044788,0.0,0.10753860972769774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09006776248920531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042498088363862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628198575781193,0.0,0.09925580378522217,0.0,0.0,0.1693823848344011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825133011463991,0.0,0.15038779700425278,0.0,0.07054606267056895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09941410292642146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969509635745485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18039236999956892,0.0,0.04309279254727635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07498923263057652,0.0,0.08346225560732436,0.1177558235142167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3749943033006968,0.0,0.1962099670268032,0.06802958351585542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06708432076900235,0.0,0.2069804940142535,0.0,0.09551805110488454,0.08420220989642903,0.061150645317418234,0.07701771305923441,0.18431212182147808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16880166152117249,0.2062152132840647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390370856054177,0.0,0.2649275293106719,0.0,0.07028842984701131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312867027767584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07002538045331849,0.05143338493245609,0.0,0.0,0.08428421477713899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618130351168649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001348636397317,0.0,0.0,0.07930741242012325,0.16353491876155185,0.0,0.0984783837126324,0.0,0.08502703464408573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253174312195784,0.0964389585560732,0.0,0.11360300737830455 ptsd,Noaimnobrain118,2019/08/25,"Not sure where else to put this, but I need advice A while ago I had a really vivid nightmare about being raped by a family member and I recently had it brought up again wondering if it had actually happened. I know for sure it didn't and that's a relief but I'm having some residual anxiety and sadness about the whole ordeal. Any advice on helping me get past this?",3.385720720720723,5.081259013513517,5.165945945945946,79.99234234234235,73.72972972972974,8.717117117117118,25.84684684684685,9.2995712137729,2.2956468468468474,293,10,56,7,6,100,56,74,0.25,0.715,0.036000000000000004,-0.9498,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,0,5,0,6,1,0,0,2,13,13,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,5,1,5,3,7,7,2,10,0,1,1,1,1,3,0,3,5,41,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.2191369515942361,0.0,0.0,0.4388724322886234,0.1990577869387324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270765364160985,0.0,0.17178683269867906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18759002479910028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21169400871073185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173226810082516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19857656516166666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1505169997778415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341161886255388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16650747123399676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21436674071078216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257435720144698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385808841428566,0.0,0.22172467929302545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4232879375159872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507118301634749,0.0,0.0,0.2435243904334869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kagenet,2019/02/04,"Combat PTSD So I was recently discharge from the military because I have PTSD and I don't know how to kinda treat it. Any advice? Thank you guys",0.14758620689654833,2.414591344827585,2.134068965517244,90.09282758620691,101.06896551724138,5.078620689655172,19.593103448275865,6.742157984588678,0.7375186206896553,115,4,22,2,5,38,26,29,0.08199999999999999,0.7509999999999999,0.16699999999999998,0.3626,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,4,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,4,2,2,4,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036024455234357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112796962614795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18939359886840754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076317169181175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074697126584035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7263594254041392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3067686640294221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2860413959084329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mollAcado,2019/02/04,Is it possible to have ptsd from watching someone you love go through a traumatic event? I don’t want to sound selfish and say that I have ptsd from someone else who went through trauma because that person is the one who went through it and has had ptsd from it. My boyfriend was hospitalized with a life threatening illness and watching him go through what happened to him has haunted me ever since it happened 11 months ago. I have vivid and weird dreams about things happening to him and I worry like no other since this happened. Is it possible to have ptsd from a loved one almost dying in front of you? ,8.091752873563216,7.455432715517241,6.903448275862073,80.00304597701152,62.36206896551725,9.802298850574713,38.298850574712645,8.841846274778883,3.224774712643677,489,22,92,6,6,147,70,116,0.193,0.6990000000000001,0.109,-0.885,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,2,6,0,0,4,0,12,4,0,0,1,9,23,5,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,1,13,6,0,0,0,1,0,5,2,3,0,2,4,5,11,3,17,19,0,10,0,0,3,2,11,1,0,1,5,66,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060222084369767,0.0,0.12494042435543998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07605942066154299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949290079143566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10423040298991547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11286277563449305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14182079960146765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44133936083904174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08812965247278104,0.06095695014345553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252219223170632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959125376548694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1690965112272854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089454782946399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.281321765830216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5834038469977632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09922313823415584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.206424201862468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2114366192462274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289250131857458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359333990567828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313284728235145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12671130214193066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,stellaluna_shade,2019/02/04,"how do you get through this? I dont know if this belongs here or if there's a more general r/mentalhealth where this should go. I just got home from driving my mom home from the doctor and I'm just...ugh. there's a whole thing. I just want to know if it gets better, if it ever goes away. Can PTSD be beaten? I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2014. It was a relief for me then because up until that point I didnt know I what I was experiencing and I was seriously taking steps towards suicide because I thought I was just going insane, that everyone dealt with these symptoms and I was just a wimp about it. Finding out it was PTSD presented a light at the end of the tunnel, I guess, ""Oh. I know what this thing is now. it's got a history of medical treatments that have worked. Entire communities of people struggle with this and help each other through it. I'm not alone"". I spent the next however long fighting. Like, actually fighting. I got medicine, I started trying to find coping mechanisms for the panic attacks. Panic attacks, for me, on a bad day happen a bunch. I'll have one, it'll last about ten or twenty minutes, I'll get some time as like a break and then I'll have another one. it's SO exhausting and I hate it, but the knowledge that what I was experiencing had a name gave me hope that it could lessen. Rewinding the clock a bit, my trauma came about through some childhood nonsense (who doesnt have a little bit of childhood nonsense that induces trauma, amirite?) which really kicked into high gear around the time that I was 16. I was sexually assaulted (I'm a guy), but I didnt want to admit it. To be honest, I dont think I ever thought about it at all. I got super depressed after that. I stopped doing EVERYTHING. The next year in college, I was assaulted, left unconscious inside of a car wrecked in a ditch, raped, dropped out, was homeless, got three jobs, raped again, maintained the three jobs, went back home, went back to school, got diagnosed. FOCUSED, got all A's, got scholarships, took out a small loan, went back to school and graduated in two years with a degree in psychology. I skimmed over all the nonsense there. maybe I'll make a longer post about my story if I ever find the right subreddit. At any rate, I'm posting today because the panic attacks never stopped. I was diagnosed and the medicine they gave me induced more panic attacks. The only reason I'm here right now is that I was determined not to fail a second time. But I'm burnt out. When I went away to college the second time I got a single dorm so that I wouldnt wake anyone up/be embarrassed by someone else seeing my night terrors. I would pretty much go to work, class, then back to my dorm to have panic attacks where no one can see and to study. After graduating, I've opened up more about my PTSD, the assaults, the trauma or whatever it's called to my friends and to professionals (until I lost health insurance). I didnt want my friends to ""fix"" me, I just wanted them to know that I need space sometimes/talk about what some of my struggles are. I dont like how this opening up has affected my friendships. The PTSD is starting to cost me things REAL things. All my relationships have started to fail in ways they never have before. I dont have a handle on this. I've lost so many friends and I dont want to lose any more. what do I do? I dont think the panic attacks are going to stop, and that's fine. I can deal. I just dont want to be alone and I can tell that's where I'm headed. Does anyone have any tips? How do you get through this? How do you not drag the people you love down with you? I know that no one is going to endorse ""going it alone"" but like... I feel like I have to go through this alone. I just dont want to be alone while I do. does that make sense? I dont know if any of this was coherent. I'm in sort of a panicked state right now. I just wanted to get this out.",2.450703303170748,4.2921207715736065,3.6139130434782594,89.49340579710146,76.69035532994924,6.446288530861473,24.364452291620694,7.312421594763829,0.961909011991466,3040,102,641,37,69,985,302,788,0.196,0.6990000000000001,0.105,-0.9974,4,5,0,0,4,1,114.0,0,5,3,10,43,53,15,10,44,0,66,13,2,10,9,114,141,41,1,20,24,1,1,5,3,4,8,0,5,1,54,29,0,3,20,0,4,16,21,38,0,10,41,6,78,15,88,91,18,109,0,6,2,3,26,41,0,15,51,427,132,19,0.0,0.0,0.03969862994237525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21066539912790475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065746031754392,0.042657406031441705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056889976093619225,0.0,0.0,0.03621457096484226,0.0,0.27768195895762016,0.07644197351121032,0.12512421443333088,0.033966800777582934,0.0743959844060463,0.0,0.03461639714551909,0.0,0.0,0.035978895622107085,0.08882587845403396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04153968433973885,0.04652804156667497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03248033918783212,0.0,0.0,0.026235775290166585,0.04194015804316489,0.035038346455569615,0.12387058378306964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04163856183991881,0.07120015155653328,0.0,0.4290987560780504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033983620385346074,0.0,0.03603114806035119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11039444191260173,0.0,0.03887228437682928,0.03656131438809125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02056945418921106,0.029062399041451376,0.0,0.0,0.11154464775298292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428974437444096,0.0,0.10627029497558327,0.0,0.16183900544873533,0.0,0.29282564420186163,0.0,0.044814529834310834,0.040280425792966965,0.035973930997168814,0.0,0.0,0.040163905684837166,0.04175027656320808,0.043241828838030905,0.0,0.0,0.027267508426790918,0.04298153924356934,0.1224185933158851,0.04040525155325292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073890980040319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1564998740066435,0.033160312849619115,0.0,0.0,0.044199849891407135,0.0,0.0,0.09937301373209144,0.0407728872605013,0.0,0.036001261783214784,0.0,0.04551145235161496,0.08881588123791484,0.0,0.036716044891534697,0.0,0.05430955097316662,0.04124398497087448,0.0408693699929754,0.0,0.0,0.04098166479043811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047644906198389216,0.0,0.0,0.029905096980176318,0.03016432616713006,0.06275114085022875,0.0,0.0865290661860294,0.03817621099038528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026555556137428,0.030939610709482517,0.0,0.2863811917232571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05640594222514024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03845654144418136,0.0,0.07792199582259668,0.041387037621345935,0.0,0.0,0.23776861523840526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04630370020454338,0.02606118673563971,0.04182667720180842,0.0,0.04367599600283114,0.0,0.10422364100864873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234236050109857,0.06483472238872735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03446874231465818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08638232028927069,0.0,0.0,0.1020330072691178,0.0,0.0850568899884735,0.0,0.0444982343812174,0.0,0.0,0.042282967454338384,0.030586927641975424,0.03269771689823085,0.035556845793288216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810616544866616,0.05213327718130188,0.0,0.06459208310297694,0.09488529594035694,0.0,0.03856067806464576,0.0,0.04519790824247463,0.02761961887529219,0.0,0.03973926790519597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19195689967629007,0.032290555940396794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084617883549334,0.0,0.04541870321471248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059232269641923525,0.0,0.0,0.02889850036938645,0.0,0.0,0.05239425223986634 ptsd,11_29_77,2019/02/04,"Informal diagnosis today by my therapist, will follow up w/ doctor It all makes sense now. All of it. My whole life to this point. On one hand, I'm happy to have a term for what I've been battling for years, yet on the other hand, it's so scary because I don't want it to beat me. I'll just check the sub for answers to the 100 questions I have, instead of annoying anyone with questions that have probably already been asked/answered. &#x200B;",2.8137359550561776,4.860871988764046,3.995941011235957,86.22851825842697,76.30337078651685,6.6971910112359545,26.85533707865169,7.645422480735847,1.5772348314606741,353,14,69,5,8,115,66,89,0.10300000000000001,0.7879999999999999,0.109,0.3788,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,4,0,7,4,2,1,2,10,11,1,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,8,1,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,2,0,1,2,2,5,1,14,8,4,10,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,2,5,47,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24011742873496386,0.0,0.0,0.2357601007413173,0.26439726635318384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214490789033674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264164705386336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271393278124732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23163000272670506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15369118192856238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14524389352493952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474455075069344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056941260153609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23460024157978004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4875041456439089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2526402895439267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625112595160608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834099618930686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24293293446737885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26439726635318384,0.140121673946557 ptsd,Lady_Bernkastel,2019/02/04,"I've been trying to type a post here for the past hour, and now I'm just sitting here crying. Everything I try to write stops making sense halfway through composition. I can't even explain what the fuck is happening to me. This is hell. ",3.285,5.200533617021278,4.056329787234045,86.90875,74.53191489361703,7.253191489361702,26.643617021276608,8.07648339933343,1.6125787234042557,188,7,38,3,4,60,39,47,0.257,0.743,0.0,-0.9153,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,3,0,4,1,0,1,0,6,9,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,3,0,5,8,0,6,1,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,4,23,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3495720906884073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21019475556861725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286013914202062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942080836223168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2814188982518223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134026487459102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21242791065316968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3037964320892983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30478629393746365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660631897883233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4321286275126109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,grossguts444,2019/02/04,"i feel like everything is happening again hey so i don’t think i have ptsd but i wasn’t sure where else to post this?? about two years ago i was emotionally abused by a significant other who i trusted with all my heart and he was my whole world. over the course of the past two months i’ve been emotionally (and kinda physically?? i’m not sure?) abused by a kinda significant other and just realized it about a week ago. the similarities between the two are striking, from the manipulation techniques to everything they said near the beginning of the relationship and even the advice they gave. the thing which i don’t understand though is that starting last night i started feeling as if i ‘went back in time’. like my mind went back to two years ago when the first relationship was happening (it’s probably triggered by the most recent one?) and it feels so strange. it’s exactly the same feelings and fear and anxiety and i feel as if i’m being split in two. i feel like i’m simultaneously that scared sympathetic girl who would give him as many chances as he asked for but i also feel like ‘now me’, like the present me who’s angry and bitter and rough. i’ve been fluctuating between the two ‘me’s’ throughout the whole day. it also feels like i’m fluctuating in and out of the ‘past’ too. it feels like the guy from the first relationship is going to text me at any time and i know it’s irrational but i don’t know what to do. thank you so much if you read up to here. i really want to know what’s happening right now and WHY i’m feeling this way but honestly any comment would help. i legitimately feel like i’m going insane. ",2.879057971014493,5.089843965838512,4.2438260869565205,83.75371014492755,76.73291925465837,7.895817805383023,24.39792960662525,8.745826893841286,1.7333089855072463,1295,44,266,29,30,427,154,322,0.11199999999999999,0.718,0.16899999999999998,0.9437,0,0,0,0,2,0,25.0,0,2,2,2,19,16,1,2,21,0,18,1,1,2,4,55,56,31,0,6,9,0,12,8,0,2,0,1,0,2,20,15,0,0,17,1,0,4,5,3,0,9,10,14,28,13,33,43,6,44,0,0,0,0,22,11,0,6,35,173,48,1,0.0,0.1665093957570106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06866392845728576,0.18686190294456184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123847096307252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09556770152864562,0.0,0.05375392903497979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06568999634261509,0.0,0.0,0.10806170270541617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045316289296868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05869891610614969,0.15808144163992194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04641057541641369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630258351888524,0.0,0.0,0.0790697138163652,0.3908191997562073,0.3011918042575369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11953785142925538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740634162184211,0.07986851224895537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957520439349381,0.18641016469114427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08326652631638345,0.047098371845576116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11585042866584105,0.05727684101758624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746305722643045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07123953205211175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094946274494965,0.0,0.05608630957948217,0.0,0.051654201608919134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594065555009511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047614619351195285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341552712347773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06729619510443119,0.0,0.0757595222220951,0.0,0.08213815856166265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028584051292973,0.0,0.045014727579809566,0.0,0.0693800129427067,0.2263208212796725,0.0,0.06000748488510237,0.06683984181287238,0.0,0.07034935028417404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09947044123450527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245130256582402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06469225210164746,0.0,0.0,0.046682156464450016,0.0450241444099265,0.06903679910495633,0.0,0.08194630182062458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4118428689650896,0.07315024324256228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041445194119730334,0.05577453528122628,0.056363808835782576,0.0,0.0,0.13027610207498655,0.06340488053862033,0.15690080217586974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998310732959817,0.0,0.0,0.0904990634252296 ptsd,Jakeap38,2019/02/04,"Parents had sex in bed next to me when I was 10... I’m sorry if this post isn’t worthy of this sub but I need to post it somewhere. Just to start off, I want to give some backstory. I am now 14. When I was seven, my parents who were together for 8 years split up(never married) but there were no harsh feelings. They split up because they were shouting at eachother a lot and they disagreed on how to parent me. When I was six, I was diagnosed with high functioning autism (I’m like any normal person but have a difficult time socially and have anxiety). That’s the backstory. Here’s where it gets weird. It was 2014, I was ten, it was the summer and the world cup. My parents decided to take me to a hotel with them as a holiday. It was fine the first day but on the second day there was a match. We watched it in our hotel room but I got tired and fell asleep halfway through. I can remember this perfectly. The match was nearly over when I woke up. I heard moaning and squeaking next to me so I slowly turned on my bed to see what was going on. At the time I had no idea what was happening but a few years later I understood. I watched for what could be 5 seconds or 5 minutes. I was really confused. I got up (I used to sleep walk so I fake sleepwalked to the toilet) and thankfully they stopped. I heard them talking and saying (i’m paraphrasing btw) “never again” or some shit. It stayed in my head for 2 years until I understood. One day, when I was twelve, I confronted my mother about it and she just said (again, paraphrasing) “sex is a natural thing” and “it was only a one time thing”. Only until I started crying and screaming at her why she didn’t even apologise to me. We never spoke of it again. I had forgotten about it after getting kind of closure but recently I had a dream that they did it again and it’s really bugging me. My questions are: Am I in the wrong and do I not deserve an automatic apology? What can I do to forget about it? I really don’t want to talk to them about it again. Thanks so much to you guys who read all of this :) (please don’t repost this anywhere else, I will be deleting this post after 48 hours because i’m paranoid they’ll find it even though they don’t use reddit)",1.6473059866962316,3.72386018847007,3.2948614190687384,89.69643847006655,80.1529933481153,6.672062084257206,23.332039911308204,7.7669595915474945,1.140573835920177,1719,59,364,29,44,569,217,451,0.133,0.774,0.09300000000000001,-0.9537,4,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,3,1,10,2,28,14,2,1,19,0,43,8,4,3,4,55,74,35,0,6,13,5,1,1,0,2,2,7,3,2,32,16,0,1,8,5,0,3,10,8,0,8,33,11,61,6,52,36,6,64,0,0,3,2,37,21,1,8,37,271,93,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06394492313908016,0.0,0.07193415360178047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146419588533092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507682850978616,0.0,0.10328963749032072,0.18192840821862624,0.0,0.0,0.09544040906621794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07855159470650191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12421437914161858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047545358925371935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594346200334069,0.07998349441901502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0982555836677366,0.09020397613734177,0.05344050129176014,0.0,0.15041181645217613,0.0,0.0,0.09310637435377077,0.08315210726952962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650386763652903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993498753881541,0.0,0.0,0.09260248984329142,0.0,0.0,0.1061505805334067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791976401129472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045939241381196975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0799425670784133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912427313537163,0.06972346962470348,0.1450464114048097,0.0,0.20000800563049967,0.0,0.09213130671537427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274369112579783,0.14303100924916168,0.0,0.0,0.4176452315187259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210503663633101,0.0,0.10321879968121027,0.0,0.0,0.2701697302335265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053372591623342,0.0,0.09405735614595216,0.0,0.1807177476809836,0.0,0.09284516680941547,0.0,0.10651982335059856,0.0,0.0894458792873926,0.07477794881816513,0.0,0.0,0.07493125773885985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09652240410993708,0.0,0.0,0.09409981849640567,0.09585369029873396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10526102448809098,0.13311253943769452,0.10022550447722724,0.0,0.07861488704271342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07070029373579016,0.15115857442459554,0.0,0.1731438978719768,0.0,0.0,0.12494124518380365,0.0,0.0923858739285746,0.0,0.16449228832445162,0.10807584763447543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227971589337394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624267578815238,0.0,0.0,0.11092491333700373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08484917284464268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280913196326877,0.0,0.1816604008149277 ptsd,caroljcruz19,2019/02/04,"Help I don’t know if I have PTSD three days ago my boyfriend had a seizure while we were at my apartment. We were alone and it was a very violent seizure, he stopped breathing for a little and I thought he was actually gonna die. I called 911 And he has a appointment for the neurologist in two weeks (it’s the soonest one) but I think I might be traumatized from the event. I have barley ate, I only sleep from being so tired from not eating and by smoking myself to sleep. I already have anxiety and depression which was going on before this and I could force myself to eat if i smoked weed. Now I can’t even if I’ve been smoking all day I don’t even feel hungry even if I have barley eaten anything for days! I keep having flashbacks of the event at random times of the day and start to tear up and sometimes if I’m alone I’ll cry forever about it. We got in a fight about it last night because he doesn’t understand why I was “acting strange all day” he doesnt remember what happened luckily BUT I DO and I know if he saw what I saw he would understand but he didn’t and it was horrible. He wants me to be able to get over it but I can’t. I usually am really good at quickly getting over traumatic events and can push it under the rug until I forget about it but I’m honestly broken. I feel an overwhelming dark cloud over me and life feels dull and meaningless. ",2.1446830985915497,3.9339749753521134,3.6319492957746498,89.25671267605635,77.41549295774648,7.2200563380281695,24.38816901408451,8.109356740369918,1.325906084507042,1079,37,233,19,25,356,156,284,0.203,0.748,0.049,-0.9925,0,2,1,0,1,0,15.0,3,0,0,0,10,7,2,1,12,0,31,9,3,0,2,48,55,27,1,9,12,0,3,0,0,3,2,0,1,0,12,16,4,2,10,0,0,3,8,5,0,3,16,5,32,2,29,32,2,36,0,3,2,0,15,13,0,8,20,153,44,0,0.1205943236867034,0.0,0.11768266397789358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068995917031372,0.0,0.0,0.2497986999886345,0.1330788349561027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225432753914886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923885309185497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07351318040336988,0.0,0.10261688726574973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314028773781822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962847546144046,0.0,0.1324672018966543,0.38886681129221184,0.0,0.1038677142827641,0.0,0.12515786859851386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24679619907482145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23895424032874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292834052998813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12601111355829253,0.0,0.06853653324843346,0.10114879714947292,0.09645029715338126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10664116216728176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083183314795325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10718977586721318,0.0,0.0,0.1325509729683746,0.0983004693146361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517933721777067,0.0,0.12086719359965455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12793152006864514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316960349644432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171783473573799,0.09171741735208652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14096831095786744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725581174784298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13660986027859742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413628309300632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927086971502182,0.0,0.08535728300102627,0.0,0.0,0.10082225445844632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0772719732330699,0.0,0.0957384224905698,0.07031951993557835,0.1386054349361978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1178031312013297,0.2510858878902149,0.0,0.0,0.13281761010318366,0.09950294670080627,0.07112965660160596,0.0,0.09673349232400373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10881761988010344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0856667475268558,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,UncomfyPerson,2019/02/04,"New to Reddit and this diagnosis // I have questions *Hello, before i start this weird post that i'm pretty sure nobody will end up reading let me get a couple things situated. Hi, i'm Uncomfy and i'm new to Reddit. I made this account because specific people in my life say that i have too many issues and i'm uncomfortable to be around. So i made this account specifically for asking questions about things that relate to mental health, and occasionally things i like to indulge in to keep myself preoccupied from the outside world. Hopefully this will cause my issue of being an uncomfortable person.Before i start i must specify that i am not making anything i say up or am doing this for attention. I have no idea how Reddit works, so i apologize if i don't do things that people may find mandatory. (I would appreciate They/them pronouns if you end up responding to this post please.)* &#x200B; **TW// Slurs, cutting, depressive thoughts** &#x200B; Okay, lets get this thing started. Im a 16 year old that has recently been diagnosed with PTSD. My whole life i can only remember my mom being an unreliable black blur. You can't approach her and get a read on her emotions, she'll completely switch up on a word, or even a pen dropping could send her into a rage. I can't approach her without preparing myself first. My Dad tells me i remember a happier time, when she wasn't like this, that it wasn't my whole life. But i honestly can't remember anything other than fear and anger. It started fairly simple. When i was 8 years old my mom was trying to help me study for a spelling bee. She would yell and hold me down in the chair until i correctly spelled a word several times in a row. If i messed up any word she would call me retarded, which is a word i grew up with and was called a lot. But whatever, she was being a mom. That was fair, she was parenting fine, im just being paranoid. When i was 7 i stole from a bookstore, a turtwig pencil to be exact. I still remember it because of its figurine of turtwig standing on a pokeball. I understand that it was wrong and im sorry that i did it, i still heavily regret it. I remember i was caught in the parking lot of the school. I had to go back inside and apologize to the librarian that was running the store. I was bawling as i gave my apology, the librarian accepted my apology and said i could have the pencil free of charge. When i got home my mom took me into her room, made me show her the pencil and asked if it was worth it. Then she hit me various times with my dad's belt. i remember this specifically because of the scars it left on my back. After the belt she told me to go outside and pick the biggest branch i could and if i didn't pick one big enough she'd find one herself and beat me several more times than she already would have. I remember crying in my backyard not wanting to return, and looking into the forest/cornfield behind me and thinking i could hide in there. I dont remember much after that, it hurt. 10 years old. Birthday party argument. She pulled my hair, slapped me at home. I cried. 11,12,13 years old. It all got increasingly worse. Slapping, hitting, belts on back, belts on legs, sticks on head, sticks on back, glass. I didn't think i did anything wrong to initiate these things but came out of all of them feeling like i caused it. I still feel this way. 14 and 15 were the same. All throughout the year, months, weeks, days. More and more and more belts, sticks, glass, pulling hair, yelling,, yelling, so much yelling. In my face, i couldn't get away. Placed in corners so many times, i couldn't get away, i was trapped. I remember the things she said about my appearance, my personality, my art, the things i liked to watch and read. Retarded, you're so fat, obese whale, failure, you're the worst child i ever had, i hate you so fucking much, i wish you never existed. I heard those things multiple times every day, (i still do lmao). I remember the first time i truly wanted myself dead was 14. I was so broken inside, school wasn't helping either (but i won't get into that because its a whole other can of worms). I remember every day i walked home from school i was stop at the church, go to its kitchen area and cry. I would cry and cry and bang my head on the hard tables. I would take their best knives and cut as far into my skin as i could go and thoroughly wash the knives afterwards. Then i'd finish walking home. I will never forget what happened next for the next of my life. Its probably why i can't recount the rest of everything so well. But i do know that this will always stick with me. I don't know how it happened, but me and my mom got into an argument. She grabbed a pillow, told me she just wanted me to shut up and threw me against my bed. She got on top of me and put the pillow on my face. She held it there applying more pressure as time went on. I was freaking out, i didn't know what to do. I tried to throw her off of me, didn't work, i was too weak. Tried clawing the pillow off, nothing was working. I thought i was gonna die. I honest to god can't remember what happened next. All i know is that i woke up on my bed, by door was closed and the pillow was beside me. I genuinely thought i had a nightmare. I doubted myself so much that i didn't know until that night that it was real. How do i know? Did she apologize or approach me about it? No. When i went to go brush my teeth that night i saw in the mirror scratches on my face and neck that weren't there before. I've never been able to forget it. I have nightmares and panic attacks of the exact moment. I get flashbacks of her hitting me in corners where i cant get away. I fucking hate it, i don't know what's wrong with me. I know im exaggerating, i know she was only parenting. Im sorry. Im sorry im really getting off track here. I need to finish this before i regret what im doing. After that moment my mother kept putting her hands on me and yelling at me. All the time. But slowly i started taking care of my other siblings, even my mom. She was becoming so inept, forgetting things, snapping, changing emotions, not able to parent. So i had to step up at do the job. I realized this on my 15th birthday. Where nothing went right (as expected, they never do haha). After that i did everything, cooked, cleaned, disciplined, i became the parent. My siblings didnt take me seriously (They were 17, 13, and 11) but it didn't matter as things were being taken care of. I tried to explain all of this chaos to my dad which didn't take me seriously and said i was exaggerating (which i still probably am) and to forget about it. Conditions in the house became worse than they were. Nobody took my mom screaming about her screaming she was gonna kill herself and leaving seriously anymore on the account of they happened so often. My brothers became rowdy and often fought and argued frequently they resort to trying to suffocate people with grocery bags to pulling knifes on each other to try to end things. But it always results in me having to stop it. It always makes me want to pull my hair out. We we'rent a family. We didn't feel like it, we never did. I had an older sister that would always run away and would snap at me when i would say anything to her. I had to become her therapist. I had to become the family's therapist, always being the middle man in situations and fights. Giving as much advice i could give to them about their frequent problems, which i couldnt blame. I was snapping, everything was getting to me. Frequent panic attacks, flashbacks, stress of being family/mom's therapist while afterwards being hit and called names. I couldnt take it anymore. My dad gave me a doctor. I couldnt open up to any of them and gave the most minimum details without going into family life (i couldnt because my dad is a respected gov. official and known throughout the entire state). They diagnosed me with depression. That started the influx of meds. After that mess they put me with another doctor because the previous one wasnt even listening to me but putting me on a new med every time like i was an experiment to them. After this doctor i was given a therapist. Flash forward to a month ago. Im diagnosed with PTSD. &#x200B; ***I skipped A LOT of other issues/things. Involving internal hate, friend debacle, school, more family issues and dynamics, ect, ect, This basically scratched the surface of my issue. If i don't regret doing this maybe i'll follow up venting about all of those other issues. (im making this account/making this post at 6am because of not being able to sleep for 23 hours lmao).*** &#x200B; Here are my questions. **Am i crazy?** i gave the rundown of my life for these questions. I feel so alone and scared constantly and i always feel like there's something wrong with what my mom has done, but then i immediately flip on myself and think im exaggerating, its a constant battle. Im so scared, i don't want to offend people that are older and went through so much for me to be popping in the subreddit to be just an entitled kid with a tiny issue. **Should i say i have PTSD?** As i said before, i dont want to pop in here being the most bratty entitled kid or whatever. But i dont know if ive been misdiagnosed. I think im shaming this safe safe by putting myself in it. **Ways to cope.** I haven't been coping well, i know it sounds edgy but cutting is mostly how i handle my pain. Cutting and hitting myself. Is there any smart ways that y'all cope to get out of a panic attack or a flashback ect? **im sorry.** I feel apologetic. I feel as if i have more questions but can't pinpoint them. Im sorry i had to waste your time if your even reading this. Im sorry if im a misdiagnosed snowflake, i probably am. But regardless, thank you for taking the time to read this. I know its been a messy read with tons of grammar mistakes and cringe like wording but i truly appreciate it. I hope you have a good rest of your night/morning and have a wonderful week. <3",2.0367512145798905,4.405445281597576,3.54046625070902,86.86474361883154,80.51162790697674,6.407540506547632,23.75393721176848,7.607813458561782,1.2560718508471234,7829,279,1539,126,205,2576,618,1978,0.133,0.782,0.085,-0.9987,6,2,1,0,7,1,308.0,3,10,14,8,66,85,20,10,85,2,169,36,15,15,18,283,306,123,3,50,41,20,16,8,1,20,18,18,15,5,116,83,4,9,53,9,6,39,50,54,2,5,105,39,289,32,214,147,40,240,1,6,4,2,133,94,2,35,108,1070,405,22,0.06625247269829786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02158038318115758,0.0195762732005276,0.0,0.0,0.022872527005033585,0.024370417031556662,0.0,0.11025472931982933,0.09571270198482,0.10733867469725092,0.04505395332893678,0.023157164761225237,0.0,0.0,0.043803100230822525,0.0,0.0,0.07269351993890404,0.019659582347126427,0.04129141236433447,0.07537175221181709,0.0829951719974514,0.06792541597854845,0.0,0.09423608232188077,0.0731706509028472,0.0939599575684396,0.0,0.02317596088137361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06765118209547932,0.025258392968912868,0.045032540941170776,0.04537302636312143,0.02336211045013945,0.0,0.02315481903937451,0.047730257576489285,0.0,0.10579441687364433,0.02443570029949873,0.12129205047105192,0.042727363960086716,0.0,0.03804210510289647,0.06724486518517805,0.022919868914787787,0.0,0.0,0.067812213164351,0.0,0.02259976064585625,0.07764740457973551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04968340963103361,0.058680026034962376,0.022818838233211645,0.0,0.05834551116703238,0.01997638486041831,0.05582056569403285,0.0,0.059543450477129424,0.021602543717240547,0.08327591325451003,0.02485081702313485,0.07816489534076708,0.04733077973353398,0.0,0.0,0.04036903985433385,0.03756954628805386,0.0,0.0,0.01706216535344686,0.04083289562096946,0.12691866922126852,0.042370272535288175,0.07530561404655031,0.018523143590685187,0.07065087292718815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07811579040660488,0.0,0.01978306740860993,0.0654106004977807,0.04532943388485988,0.02347442679099864,0.0,0.0,0.029605090604987918,0.0,0.08860884268377274,0.043869102905496414,0.021748446687829888,0.02548215275552625,0.023641547429920175,0.024930325799228343,0.4055295571414889,0.1383007371284572,0.02191511874293929,0.01962941395049597,0.02443284830673035,0.0,0.14564250537255313,0.0,0.0,0.02338393416187465,0.023994501812939825,0.04516509471757833,0.09359216157039882,0.08631363098327674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.018545130318313417,0.0,0.0,0.05632548307724874,0.0,0.0626896915849026,0.04422403998499557,0.04477973905286515,0.022186504587672868,0.0,0.049061041077979976,0.0,0.02225563657733424,0.0,0.0,0.2327822858826416,0.0352547277482148,0.0,0.09740638108092063,0.016375123007918168,0.08516331880052239,0.06398705097730455,0.0704602563325552,0.062173457561768036,0.0,0.04238068959539106,0.0,0.09269443364183158,0.0,0.04489439012783685,0.033591993958543134,0.023499100699209952,0.0777330018187625,0.0980873739732324,0.0,0.0,0.0612414968062969,0.03856606912210205,0.023073244283238762,0.024241773259525614,0.0,0.0,0.06345155496998664,0.02246752764268221,0.07143137113941626,0.02113155626013054,0.0774455951784656,0.11100339019589367,0.12369655335461326,0.0,0.1325408031166451,0.02513660614760897,0.014147676834016562,0.0,0.0218054413439028,0.0,0.3002045456779318,0.01885974989566189,0.08402836426622727,0.07024883395896955,0.04422018867220417,0.08940138589517976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049897624088316994,0.0,0.0,0.04964703678845138,0.02210010648057977,0.0,0.0,0.017001463428703217,0.0,0.14832843803182785,0.0937876823509216,0.0,0.08818218379778088,0.03692668917675078,0.025297327877386932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02081405715077922,0.0,0.09962722849431928,0.0,0.019302527111417632,0.02033212518672115,0.0,0.10256563628214788,0.17606079585480322,0.05660254579662865,0.0,0.05259706284943446,0.1545293984745982,0.0,0.0,0.042204717900377865,0.04907262327494838,0.08996216007123739,0.0,0.0,0.02299038686595676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07815484987966807,0.0525881290291427,0.03542915820735098,0.0,0.0397126197052511,0.08188894126192385,0.019927517232430657,0.07396851975544798,0.025395691314604358,0.04257667963743835,0.02394932683334416,0.04823258918750237,0.0,0.045011286524438116,0.14119156718569778,0.09658223787757908,0.10733867469725092,0.07110736707510322 ptsd,Seizensha,2019/02/04,"I'm... honestly just a wreck at this point Heya. i'm Zenny. i'm 18M and i'm a hot mess. a total. mess. Since I was 5 until i was 9-10ish (my memory is still quite messy about the details) i was sexually abused by my eldest biological brother. who was a solid 10 years older than me. My family knows about everything (since I was 15/16. when my PTSD finally surfaced despite the abuse ending.) We disowned him and basically pretend he doesn't even exist. but I digress. Since that time I've been struggling with the physical symptoms of it. the flashbacks. the intense irritability. little energy/trouble sleeping. it even got so bad that when I left for college after graduating. I ended up dropping out a few weeks in due to a near suicide attempt which landed me in the Behavioral Science Unit at the hospital. Which is an entire story on its own. I've been off and on antidepressants and sleeping meds. and found a set which work. yayyyyy. But now. I face a sort of crossroads. i still want to be successful and happy with my life. but considering the poor house life and financial struggles. Leaving would screw my elderly parents who cant work and my elder brother. (not the same one) who's schizophrenic and just won his SSI case. I'd love to get a job but considering all the stress and sadness i have pent up in me. I'm sure it'd probably backfire. I've always hated showing off my weaknesses to those around me. especially family. I always end up blowing up randomly on them and I know they don't deserve it but I'm barely keeping the lid on the cracking pressure cooker and I don't know what to do anymore....",1.6799999999999995,4.38020946815287,3.6683152866242033,82.74432006369429,86.48407643312102,6.452101910828026,25.684394904458603,7.734863291789972,1.915991337579618,1279,56,234,26,40,431,190,314,0.175,0.7290000000000001,0.096,-0.9782,2,0,0,0,2,1,47.0,1,0,2,6,13,17,2,4,22,0,18,10,3,0,3,38,35,21,1,2,8,3,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,16,17,0,1,4,2,1,0,5,11,0,1,10,1,30,6,34,22,5,41,0,1,0,2,13,23,1,2,16,153,46,7,0.0,0.2739846111128465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19241232775708011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146652374512714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292744879458708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09653893597537573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30721839703077114,0.0,0.0,0.15273352472608642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10391294758666078,0.0,0.2179948980090847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12665745635999967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267727613332793,0.0,0.0,0.06040734462989464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247289664026036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308099829549815,0.0,0.11415207292611668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341142892100358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147362757973789,0.10276950260607867,0.0,0.0,0.19062728863413472,0.0,0.0,0.12242623691414023,0.12562285470240306,0.0,0.16333345316497352,0.0,0.11588289337424153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435271576686643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12842917271080834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834796893540583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283837441681597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929947794095406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12465929108533115,0.0,0.13515508436463086,0.0,0.0,0.12297745915476252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28692934297086065,0.0,0.23140955265179197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18467060077230216,0.0,0.13244378104096452,0.2417449235396061,0.0,0.12647090987682055,0.0,0.10897168433019001,0.12017477638392232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06741969585075043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06819642424239987,0.0,0.09274441345788456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16834733197515908,0.0,0.0,0.08213403715035106,0.0,0.0,0.07445631096644707 ptsd,matchstick462,2019/02/04,"Regaining Independence My partner was diagnosed with Complex PTSD a couple of years ago. It has been a long journey and he has vastly improved where previously he was in a state of catatonia to now being able to do some things for himself. Lately, he has expressed that he would like to be more independent and that he feels that he is dependent on me emotionally and financially. I do look after all of the things around the house and I am the breadwinner (he is doctor says he is not well enough for work yet) which does place an extra stress on me. Does Anyone have any suggestions in how to help my partner regain his independence / interdependence? Are there things that I can do / not do in order to stop enabling the total dependence on me?",6.487617905675457,7.494920287769787,6.902398081534772,73.08406874500402,65.54676258992805,10.206554756195043,31.27178257394085,10.25414643259724,3.2153686650679454,596,22,106,14,9,194,91,139,0.048,0.8909999999999999,0.061,0.4303,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,7,3,0,1,8,0,20,2,0,6,2,21,22,5,0,1,2,0,1,1,2,1,2,1,0,2,9,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,3,3,10,2,19,16,6,21,0,0,1,0,16,10,0,3,9,84,19,2,0.18700441730336234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576813273854507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716941642099894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075783664778606,0.0,0.0,0.16647357863880755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20691683086530702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18980554715085304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140694516563544,0.3272976515654045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21035479935983745,0.0,0.19322555250610585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09455505224262684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253451190345062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21577798987440133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21094912805727545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136091233644517,0.0,0.0,0.16549302462764678,0.15703661226882265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19537981422070255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21859815655504028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1487134184473457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15634406636911988,0.21421292819902804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3727122762125932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681394294833913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13614144300870853,0.0,0.0,0.13284257263346036,0.0,0.0,0.12042471356270695 ptsd,Crochetcreature,2019/02/04,"I can’t stand feeling safe Note: I’m not suicidal and I’m not actually putting myself in harm or anything. I’m 19 and for 18 years of my life I lived in constant fear. At any moment my life could have been pulled out from under me. The only thing I ever aspired to have was to feel safe, live in a house with a backyard and have a dog. And I have all that now but I still feel this urge. It’s like, I got addicted to that rush of having my life in danger. Everything feels so painfully dull and empty I can’t stand it. It’s like, was that it? What do I do now? I can’t even sit in a stupid classroom(I’m in college). The whole things seems so god damn pointless. Is the fear of getting a bad grade on a test the closest I’ll ever come to how it was before? Is this it? Oh boo fucking hoo my life is ruined cuz I got a bad grade on a paper, time to go home to my house with electricity and food and without bedbugs or rats or literal shit smeared all over the floor. It’s like once you go through some horrible shit it all breaks and you don’t even want a normal life anymore. I don’t think I could stand the dull ness of it. For fucks sake a sick part of me got excited when my mom was having money troubles because we might lose the house and that’s a challenge. A rush. I need this pressure to live. It feels like I’m wilting without it. There is a part of me that wants to be a social worker, someone who can help people who are in crisis. I think I might be good at it because I know what it’s like and I would do my god dam best to help and make a difference unlike the social workers that terrorized me as a kid. Maybe that’s why I went through all that so I could go out and help others. But then I ask myself, do I want to spend the rest of my life doing an impossible job: fixing the world? I’ve already been miserable do I really want to spend the rest of my life being that way too? There is another part of me that wants to live in the happy cushy world. I want to like feeling safe you know? I don’t even think anyone would hire me for a job like that cuz of, Well, the ptsd. But you guys get the point. I need pressure. And help because I KNOW this is not a good way to live or think. Do I try to ignore this feeling, or do I use it to help others? ",0.4303090498494484,2.301824440573771,2.2703111408497847,96.52396955503515,83.28278688524591,5.131214452994313,19.38541318166611,6.1826913282559595,-0.21295973569755766,1749,46,415,14,49,578,204,488,0.191,0.644,0.165,-0.9828,2,0,0,0,0,1,45.0,1,4,0,5,17,40,7,6,33,0,44,15,2,5,6,79,86,30,1,14,13,1,7,7,0,4,10,0,2,2,38,19,1,4,15,0,3,9,11,23,1,0,10,7,50,17,53,66,12,48,0,5,0,2,18,21,5,9,18,274,88,11,0.0,0.0,0.06397387649585648,0.07146647278888657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07234344179439578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04458079982845456,0.06874190945758807,0.0,0.0,0.06501462465454129,0.04583876458392037,0.0,0.05394757321674298,0.0,0.061286659213086514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947420205980224,0.11988825622165306,0.0,0.055783917957206365,0.0,0.06879770563137345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056471286934532974,0.0,0.07084349657096763,0.0,0.15702505684166498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06849279200478821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989873395306226,0.11859956549293495,0.0,0.0,0.058918129280155815,0.0,0.0,0.1475390127734307,0.23203203905487801,0.046833715159689114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927141438010404,0.0,0.0,0.1212122141294172,0.06850133353029696,0.0,0.11177213954758207,0.10997168891010764,0.15729503028342764,0.0,0.0,0.06491143368474643,0.0,0.06978631958695099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197063499391985,0.0,0.06575870906170568,0.0,0.0,0.22693086855406555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130109806093526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808473339383257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32413242107899104,0.2241938244076465,0.0,0.2894388084610949,0.0,0.0,0.07334117162520568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04375960217702796,0.0,0.06586051035487285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909058459682874,0.0,0.0767792074743335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721891559471034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642316409338503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06981573937305824,0.0,0.049858819743437366,0.0697569443088579,0.0,0.0,0.21297453284270773,0.0,0.04544875713319934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061972265450444514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07663226689652579,0.06590258416356938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04199729673244017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968035191119143,0.0,0.0,0.1345860082504809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365358718884546,0.055545973929233015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05235366036302898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170838275073607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710590877937736,0.16802432933136674,0.0,0.0,0.038226635356008426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04450869184542063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056619934972410926,0.0,0.0,0.2320022191617932,0.1040717042735249,0.0,0.0,0.05894334078135999,0.06077171195014505,0.059154719475848126,0.0731917074790145,0.0,0.12638862688156932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931391887443044,0.0,0.0,0.042216361455689716 ptsd,adogslove,2019/09/11,"I spent my life terrified of my own shadow...and no one but myself knew why I was sexually abused for years as a young girl, ages 8-10. My entire life I was literally scared of everything. Every guy that passed me on the street (still dealing with this one). Stair wells, parking garages, elevators, being alone, being with people, family, friends, friends of friends, the dark, I could literally go on and on! I spent every second of everyday scared, all because someone decided to hurt me as a child. PTSD never crossed my mind. I thought that was something only service members got diagnosed with. I never told anyone of my abuse until I was in my 20s, but even then I didn’t deal with it. I didn’t date until I was out of high school because I was so uncomfortable around men. If I ever met someone that didn’t scare me, I KNEW they must have been a good person, because that NEVER happened! It wasn’t until I turned 30 that I went to a therapist and started to deal with what happened to me. I am finally living a somewhat normal life. I still have many fears, but I don’t spend everyday terrified of life and things that COULD happen. For that I am very thankful!",5.193421828908555,6.067046955752209,5.8452920353982325,79.9901209439528,68.38053097345133,8.681533923303835,30.55339233038348,8.841846274778883,2.419456401179941,916,35,174,15,15,298,126,226,0.19399999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.098,-0.9771,0,1,1,0,2,0,35.0,0,0,1,0,7,11,0,4,7,0,21,5,0,0,6,29,37,14,0,5,4,0,0,0,3,1,5,0,0,5,12,10,0,0,4,0,3,4,9,5,1,3,20,0,32,6,29,12,3,31,0,1,0,0,14,9,0,2,18,125,44,2,0.0,0.23975775609915764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478945095290862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07074571078417782,0.0,0.0,0.09006948990225262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18503072624369327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16156411657287334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3129289018805449,0.0,0.10269310573053317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06682683202663403,0.09152090632952592,0.1704929361957887,0.0,0.09093187767675688,0.0,0.09538121023555587,0.11385289745258174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11083508452083518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345086232573205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057501545761814425,0.08486294699149875,0.08092094701379599,0.0,0.0,0.10018170331881704,0.26841297812193543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689965977065677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10831268334772463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2858588449015614,0.0,0.0,0.08934164966692214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10257817748191066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216050515848264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23410314259907436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09913253845181824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13712108246212842,0.07695010268333026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014378892692814,0.08834435320215422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11827116720548125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038892001947054,0.10239710439868864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714548567131962,0.07789143795513684,0.0,0.0,0.07161400616509651,0.0,0.1616010792679681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315071459106516,0.0,0.11747495926310113,0.0672178830083532,0.0,0.0,0.08032369046228716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667950584187096,0.0,0.0,0.1100521443808955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08348209300887817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909707880965471,0.09379262282719714,0.09129702149576573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06515503908131516 ptsd,CheesyMerc,2019/09/11,"A toast to those who find Sept a difficult month and today the worst of all I know us with PTSD need to be careful when alcohol is concerned. But part of my PTSD is related to an even 18yrs ago today. I still can't watch TV nor read the news headlines. I spend every 9/11 wondering if I or my friends are going to be forced to relive something happening like that moment again. I mourn for my friends I lost. I mourn for the families of those that were lost. I try and often fail to celebrate the bravery of everyone that survived and helped others do the same. But most of all I pray! So a toast to everyone that survived and remembers. To those that we lost! And to those that gave up their lives so other could survive. And to those that still fight for their lives because of that terrible day. A remembrance to all of those who went to work or boarded a plane thinking it was just another day. You all have my prayers and I salute you!",3.9122612681436233,5.283408144385028,4.321959511077156,87.86680481283425,71.83422459893049,8.123605805958746,27.79564553093965,8.634040054169528,1.8832340718105425,741,27,154,13,14,233,107,187,0.154,0.721,0.126,-0.7015,0,0,2,0,1,0,15.0,2,2,2,8,9,14,1,0,11,0,11,1,0,0,4,30,23,16,2,3,6,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,19,9,1,0,5,2,1,2,2,10,0,0,7,1,20,4,24,13,8,14,1,6,1,0,13,1,0,6,12,115,39,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12139720458571175,0.1463570480921418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360317918263066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834829624602984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962883868780535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10934279418830466,0.0,0.0,0.17664181161001988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09045365636309248,0.0,0.11538560930766667,0.2617216627982256,0.0,0.0,0.12910351953694746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12516908964044396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161322759143028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07783138752728598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110372710151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09179416337669906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526369992208627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690646255597107,0.0,0.2418573088924148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4484886949620435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931154651407954,0.0,0.0,0.10154609805174064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14830264023054626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201725771409517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698626246075846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1551367492845129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10543018647978188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2187356193420009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775151891474751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25962366100927725,0.0,0.0,0.09297951861820004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473302796976907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12695328234657532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485155677741155,0.09970065015807007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Duck_Walker,2019/09/11,"Newly diagnosed, would like to particapte I don't see on first glance any real introduction posts or 'my story'. Is that taboo here? I am really in the initial phases of things and don't want to cross any lines. I'm here more to read and learn and try to begin to understand, along with help from my counselor.",5.1122131147540975,5.8748414918032825,5.832909836065571,80.40543032786887,68.50819672131148,9.378688524590164,25.08606557377049,9.516144504307137,1.9098819672131144,245,6,49,5,4,80,48,61,0.021,0.892,0.08800000000000001,0.6096,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,12,10,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,2,4,1,11,9,1,6,0,0,2,0,1,2,0,1,3,31,6,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030162565053083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3007591102857625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520500996838663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986174115844941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1447672479633391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837931664591649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2964007282351506,0.3372776469879015,0.18983052544570506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2361291053823613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19686219970727747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011821954576134,0.0,0.0,0.308480132121139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17477753170889984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21049760954329289,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,someflowername,2019/09/11,"After a bit of scrolling... I’m crying because reading some of these posts really make me feel validated and like I’m not alone. This week has been god awful, but finding this sub and being able to relate / not feel so alone is really helpful and I’m really happy that this community exists.",3.5987500000000026,5.811859946428572,5.424428571428575,76.12057142857145,74.53571428571428,8.051428571428572,23.7,8.841846274778883,2.0108542857142857,231,7,40,5,5,79,42,56,0.062,0.662,0.275,0.9154,0,2,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,4,0,0,1,0,11,10,5,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,4,8,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,23,6,1,0.23287114372585396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4823685492752479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14195608778346927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25423497585119315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557980165963545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23549329452553505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21284000654895166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478956627174938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608861892640405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376907804863352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15544329671107354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22302618415967893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23293416196456426,0.0,0.4475496530316316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18679518492602654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CardiographicDuck,2019/09/11,"Small Town Hi, y’all. I’m from a small town. It’s close to a big city so we often get people in that don’t know anyone yet, but all the people who have been here a lifetime know me and my family. They also know what happened to me. Assault happened to me from some members of my family when I was younger, and after I came out about the things that were happening to me, my parents and I moved across the area to get away from the eyes of the people who want to harm me. Some family had stalked me to try to get me out of testifying against my abuser. Ever since then, I’ve been pretty paranoid about seeing them around and often have panic attacks in grocery stores and theaters where I might see them (or where they might see me first and hurt me). After a few years of virtually being able to avoid those people, I recently found out that they often shop around in the shopping mall right next to my house. This sent me into a pretty big breakdown... me staying isolated in my room, having horrible nightmares where I’m sobbing and crying out in the night, anger flashes, etc... My parents and I have been talking about moving again- this time far away, and I don’t know how I feel about it. I think it would be exciting to live somewhere new (and not worry about seeing old faces), but I also feel afraid to leave everything I’ve ever known, and the town/city I love. I don’t want to feel like I’m running away and letting the bad people win, but I don’t know how else to view the way I’m feeling.",5.731439628482972,5.290383552631582,6.017670278637773,83.76928018575853,67.09210526315789,8.60030959752322,28.73761609907121,7.724431198458867,1.5984162538699689,1176,33,244,11,17,377,153,304,0.174,0.7240000000000001,0.102,-0.9808,2,1,0,0,1,0,36.0,1,1,5,2,24,14,3,3,15,0,20,3,2,2,3,55,50,23,0,3,5,2,4,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,13,22,0,1,12,3,3,5,5,10,0,1,9,10,38,4,45,35,5,53,0,2,6,1,15,30,1,8,17,172,51,0,0.091049596620039,0.10787888345452763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14562465904346394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366399496529866,0.0,0.0,0.1621068892545913,0.0,0.1035820605018383,0.2566322795819048,0.0,0.07602261003354102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413648264402199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10001370652742823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0760602547469854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154436810525858,0.0,0.16471914566121276,0.0,0.0,0.08182950653020966,0.0,0.25750036946036003,0.0,0.18414964714147625,0.06504585001792547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07744674037229718,0.0,0.09983118314224358,0.0,0.0,0.14270896890136328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415445727855699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10505900994668033,0.0974704763143001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25019238574856084,0.0,0.0,0.09640837629670554,0.0,0.09310438134289467,0.0,0.04448223381578115,0.0,0.08039846192143266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217581576317512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931784671308352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935426238704254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08793626778158169,0.0968322789405643,0.0854438785590795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554123546201512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10682708390210646,0.20219960410650084,0.0,0.0,0.31561163041488993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18526034536685426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990049235710769,0.0,0.0,0.07775585802696937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2902189611006309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531716720466644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704675546264932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07318221686576556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060489306248922514,0.05834090509254376,0.0,0.0,0.05309175199060501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06181669945251706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10740682220040826,0.07227093178710929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246528502024452,0.0,0.06467902109832849,0.0,0.0,0.05863295504502001 ptsd,ImNotAJellyFish,2019/09/11,"I don’t know what to do Okay, so a couple of days ago I was diagnosed with PTSD and since then I can’t stop crying, getting angry easily, being constantly anxious. Is this normal after being diagnosed, I wasn’t like this before being diagnosed, I had flashbacks and nightmares about the trauma but it didn’t affect me all day everyday. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat and I can’t hold a conversation with anyone. I’m scared that the diagnosis has made it worse. Is this normal?!",2.6322222222222216,4.885775319148936,4.676950354609931,80.13388888888889,77.72340425531915,7.582033096926714,22.14657210401891,8.515128840125781,1.6355664302600474,376,11,69,8,9,129,61,94,0.198,0.747,0.055,-0.9117,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,4,1,16,5,1,2,1,14,20,6,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,5,1,2,1,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,5,0,9,2,6,12,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,49,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16131214049371442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055828620899153,0.0,0.12724295175146913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15484951319186824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966531100457954,0.0,0.0,0.2013547256619204,0.1998938213206967,0.23472096271690845,0.0,0.0,0.5541102246131291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620849015508428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507577218130826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000101161912365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890505118794594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721915816639177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35659877234695764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127220471107729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18219129899446107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053373068882067,0.0,0.18210899720306584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214140126240186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854506958821281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,username11813,2019/09/11,"What is one thing, no matter how small, that brings you joy? Mine is looking at pictures of my kids after they go to bed and reminding myself that they are the reason I keep fighting",6.41,6.074862222222228,6.18,82.81500000000003,65.66666666666667,8.311111111111114,29.11111111111111,7.1686216300943375,1.569877777777778,144,4,28,1,2,45,33,36,0.11599999999999999,0.764,0.121,0.0516,0,0,0,0,2,0,3.0,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,2,0,5,7,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,0,1,7,1,4,7,0,5,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,0,1,23,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29247300454113795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4574219663305127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43215503007129735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34872292946483024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5291197719663555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34189369941082826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lizardjeans,2019/09/11,"does it ever get better? It’s been five years since I left my abusive ex-boyfriend. He abused me and gaslit me to the point where I still think I was wrong about things to this day. I came home to visit my parents not too long ago and being here has made my PTSD much worse. I’ve been in therapy to treat it for years. I’m so tired. I want to give up. Does it ever get better?",-0.21712737127371184,1.7464066097561002,1.2023577235772365,102.67014905149051,86.56097560975607,4.132249322493226,13.989159891598911,5.033348758259628,-1.3940612466124662,290,4,73,1,9,92,59,82,0.19399999999999998,0.6970000000000001,0.11,-0.8665,1,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,8,4,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,1,2,9,13,3,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,1,5,0,10,3,9,7,1,15,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,8,43,16,0,0.0,0.39199397838514266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466358508095845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2926030933677633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891977040338579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10668294390458403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895222912413995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29926576525589105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17285142584451166,0.1586870212374873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16593088100953587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17973054176612754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14639249455503936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15652547292632618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160356415284113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18368058859966244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15637643668916565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933684487018516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13683806815492713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321055281051785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18917347875515034,0.0,0.10989844836625087,0.10599518069472773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1901272545094801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975696683906415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16857826379760282,0.0,0.18086203741643225,0.0,0.21305156835686545 ptsd,_unemployed-imbicile,2019/01/21,"Fantasies as a side effect I witnessed my family member pass away. I was told to give them this medicine every 30 minutes while they were actively dying. They ended up dying in front of me. It was a experience that shook me hard. I can only imagine what others must go through in war and other events. I’ve always been a slight conspiracy but, but mainly in a fun way. I like to bend my mind. A year after I had this experience, I’m convinced that this was all set up and some sort of weird ritual. Someone wanted my family member dead and masked it as this terminal illness Everything in my life connects to it and makes sense. I’ve told my doctors this and they say it’s ridiculous. But it’s so believable to me. Has this happened to anyone else..? It’s scary ",2.349757174392934,4.662647993377483,3.965139072847681,84.56435320088299,79.0,6.675673289183223,23.311699779249448,7.793537801064563,1.3170870640176604,601,20,115,10,15,200,95,151,0.165,0.755,0.08,-0.9134,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,4,1,1,7,2,1,5,0,9,3,0,2,2,17,17,12,4,2,3,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,17,5,0,0,2,1,0,4,0,4,0,0,8,2,17,3,18,8,3,20,1,0,0,0,8,9,0,2,6,79,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14680489856167894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12336480277636062,0.1807746221438412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16576292755911254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19877755399184727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3662154777584402,0.0,0.0,0.1805848172908273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14738563502174312,0.0,0.1562656826206549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14865090205058812,0.0,0.15856499328841436,0.34516715159320044,0.33264728161898804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924889117989905,0.1002699212943465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15601753445116645,0.0,0.1580477076353862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12461857981306172,0.08619537628335916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177692012675826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17814522507035474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13418388388392327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403051779326438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1494895898918802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33717515983642743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10406369757985888,0.14004288061470574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361591334735965 ptsd,kennaks3,2019/01/21,"Horrible Car Crash months ago when I had a learners permit Hello, I’m an 18 female, was 17 in November. I was in a horrible car crash, probably the worst you could get in and walk away from just to give some description. It was on the 19th of November. My 14 year old sister had emergency surgery on her intestine. My dad got banged and bruised badly and still feels it a bit. I felt only a little sore, but I can’t get it out of my head. It’s like an ongoing battle. At first, I thought of the crash itself, then I thought about other crashes, then I thought about scenarios not even related to cars (examples would be: what if I randomly lost the ability to use my legs and fell and busted my teeth out? Or What if the entire world collapses?). I get very nervous when others drive, I can’t help but think of how close we are to the other cars and how fast we are coming up to a red light. I end up pinching myself or doing this weird slurping noise with my mouth. The images have gotten better, though if anxious they could get bad. I had managed to drive and pass my drivers test with an 84. Haven’t driven on the road since I took the test, only an empty parking lot and I felt fine. Yesterday, my dad surprised me with a 2019 civic (he wanted to get something with high safety ratings) and today he wants me to drive 5 minutes up the road to my job with him in the car. I’m trying to think like “I pay the insurance, it’s a smaller car than my dad’s, I like the way it drives, very good safety ratings, I drove from Kilgore through Dallas for hours so I can do this” basically to hype myself up. My dad does not want to enable my behavior because he knows it can get worse with time. Anyways, I’m just trying to get some advice. Please help, I’m really tired of being this anxious all the time. ",3.3770400728597463,4.523826303278688,4.559508196721314,86.5170947176685,72.85245901639344,7.717304189435335,25.577413479052826,8.167268648758528,1.4431828779599272,1401,44,293,21,27,461,196,366,0.13699999999999998,0.754,0.109,-0.6308,1,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,2,1,1,5,13,14,1,1,25,0,21,7,5,4,1,56,53,24,0,9,11,5,3,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,16,21,0,0,9,0,1,17,5,7,0,1,17,5,40,7,46,31,6,56,0,1,1,0,18,21,0,9,20,185,56,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10751513269745497,0.09753050227180704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248593809948066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033720863022628,0.0,0.1837325176267012,0.06707020386241769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730814976311752,0.1201187770496026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477677413381573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17569198027881675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628359752324782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09744947116829762,0.0,0.0,0.07267045866105698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05563193350380313,0.0,0.21128246143988866,0.0,0.0,0.09358718797148388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4023845601725772,0.10554598210369877,0.0,0.09228372936701973,0.0879970238965679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112917367090277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749484372893862,0.11624742742777977,0.0,0.0,0.1083524380441575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918281107190296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06046684914439623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16125793638946131,0.11027393006976376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010525786583512,0.09353929965720244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782088576099703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545270361578415,0.0,0.0,0.1673579035972956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207743832414984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11862553261675585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0704848166689693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101379671731334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470260148966936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08786608757575559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14099912339952864,0.10809897982161454,0.26204262196284084,0.12831289604688045,0.12645752403311492,0.10429081191075644,0.0,0.12224179614718228,0.14939947229874204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950262528029972,0.0,0.1815642551040666,0.19468674363249772,0.08733270432713848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11212484975205483,0.07815858583902459,0.0,0.0,0.07085247692470563 ptsd,chrisjanzen4,2019/01/21,"Has anyone gone through the PTSD recovery program at Homewood Health Centre (Canada)? Hi. I’ve recently been diagnosed with PTSD and considering an intensive PTSD recovery program (3 month in patient), at the Homewood Health Centre based in Guelph, Canada. If anyone has been there or knows someone who has and would be willing to share their thoughts on the program, I’d be very appreciative. Thanks in advance, Chris If anyone’s interested, here’s the link to the program: [Homewood Health Centre](https://homewoodhealth.com/health-centre/post-traumatic-stress-recovery)/post-traumatic-stress-recovery ",10.287370820668695,13.209139500000004,7.974802431610942,61.805000000000035,58.255319148936174,10.903343465045593,41.088145896656535,10.914260884657429,5.4769592705167165,499,26,62,13,7,146,59,94,0.0,0.865,0.135,0.8995,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,1,1,2,3,0,0,6,0,9,4,0,0,0,10,13,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,10,5,0,10,0,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,2,34,2,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29659864724322904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435122869559373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6011823203711616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770663591357213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11285961964283442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27083340087237745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4958472791098011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1396098607706095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198029722714745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323933495968243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13017691876630866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225131845979656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11666514516573055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.100442488061669,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Fingers_inbutts,2019/01/21,"Bright Lights trigger my anxiety Hey everyone. I've been struggling with PTSD for awhile and I feel like my symptoms are getting worse. I finally decided to go back to school but I've been having a hard time with the crowds and bright lights. I don't know why bright lights are a trigger for me, but they are hard to avoid. It's hard for me to go get a haircut, go to the grocery store or sit in class. Does anyone have any suggestions? I get the urge to run out of the room and my vision starts to get fuzzy.",2.3461904761904755,4.062575809523807,3.0076190476190483,94.27904761904765,76.61904761904762,6.571428571428571,23.095238095238088,7.3871296695380915,0.6765238095238093,400,12,90,5,9,125,65,105,0.11900000000000001,0.754,0.128,0.6124,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,1,6,0,2,7,0,8,1,0,2,0,15,18,6,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,6,0,1,3,0,1,4,1,2,0,0,2,10,10,4,15,16,0,12,0,0,3,0,4,3,0,1,5,48,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283594393340604,0.0,0.14439657086164645,0.0,0.0,0.13198143919352767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14514045384458155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518021483722384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803628824997674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543987724128797,0.13484615446472525,0.0,0.2067711781541345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3944654559549746,0.0,0.3218203625933768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5072605016709013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10373446141529737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09221584728934798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22064374913834112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19102949221921356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360130946903234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973270429140396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19618805565371247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.110064186842897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17032145352038006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19235682138033933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,InitializeMarzipan,2019/01/21,"Does anyone else feel guilty about being triggered by their partner? I’m currently in the most supportive, loving, understanding relationship of my life, but some days my PTSD flares up and I flinch when he hugs me or accidentally steps on my toes. My partner is a lot bigger than me physically and it pains me that I have these subconscious reactions to someone who would never hurt me. Feeling guilty for projecting these feelings on to someone who has been so supportive throughout my recovery. Every time he accidentally triggers me I can tell he’s upset. I wish I could stop these reactions. ",7.647466307277624,9.092940566037742,7.570431266846362,67.75745283018867,63.150943396226424,10.962803234501347,35.89757412398922,10.914260884657429,4.346508355795148,484,22,77,13,7,155,79,106,0.184,0.665,0.151,-0.4881,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,3,7,0,1,2,0,8,5,1,2,1,18,17,6,0,3,2,0,3,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,7,2,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,3,16,4,11,13,3,12,0,1,0,2,11,5,0,4,6,54,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13399252063259834,0.1963481215251483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530013832882423,0.0,0.0,0.12358583719897705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769716620698236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16008271644060684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145698458397348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2906824580464129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20514444335030865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13535430893589098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1629174219182154,0.17295403304724402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14779727664600695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20390839247989745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240058321043287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057394710775779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32473584859140553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16021170184374814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43492010392623576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16749352770853632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174130178132094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19949413759845708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22036564965444685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361288287632263,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwwwwdatmush,2019/01/21,"Feeling irritated that I can't find a good job I'm posting this here because I'm dealing with a new symptom of my PTSD which is irritability and anger. Due to unfortunate circumstances I had to quit a few good paying jobs in the past. Long story short I recently lost a job a few months back due to my narcissistic mom who I live with. I used to live on my own for 5 years until I got severe PTSD. I've been struggling with finding jobs but the only one that has called back so far is a housekeeping hotel job only paying 8.89 an hour. That's the lowest I have ever been paid since working as a teen. Almost 4 dollars lower than what I'm used to. I'm very upset but other people told me just to take the job. What makes it worse its a job where I have to stand outside in the freezing cold because it's one of those outdoor motels and the hours are uncertain. I have a clean resume with hospital cleaning and other cleaning services but I'm not getting callbacks anywhere else. Like I said circumstances led me back to living with my mom. I got very sick, had panic attacks, and can't live on my own right now. I want to get away from her but my disability barely allows me to feel anything but negativity and hopelessness. I'm very frustrated with the whole job search. It feels like I'll never land a decent paying job again.",4.224630396215257,5.348875161048691,5.3144963532426575,81.98955647545833,70.79775280898878,7.718430908732508,27.16124581115711,8.032893268588372,1.654225468164794,1056,35,207,14,19,349,153,267,0.226,0.728,0.045,-0.9939,11,0,0,0,0,1,18.0,0,0,0,3,10,13,3,4,18,0,13,2,0,5,2,33,35,13,0,1,7,2,4,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,15,11,0,0,5,2,5,1,5,9,0,2,10,6,22,4,28,25,5,31,0,2,0,0,8,10,0,2,20,126,37,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693801518895428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322772259847123,0.0,0.0,0.08740961128520147,0.07218794352615829,0.17724149397994518,0.0,0.09367441950530024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845596468729972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921233901304607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418483344970148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695006279259214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165485292310181,0.05489012709571922,0.0,0.0,0.1404495176803476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08028504445747267,0.0,0.0,0.12888919789140155,0.12290211833281718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15133175614899033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6862117805164093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750742888893559,0.0,0.2713828348435212,0.06799555095463418,0.0,0.0,0.08387323775841987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05128720019253584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17997378351065402,0.061328056427098335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059259011820698274,0.07420662368965934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412922812069512,0.11687123019082728,0.0,0.0901479834768204,0.0,0.0,0.07334661618821263,0.05326692633453569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358560193454752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1796293484401548,0.0,0.0,0.08172227099203618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586417042885092,0.0,0.0,0.06561569920849455,0.07308659851240673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08680039532630915,0.0,0.06355776547180754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032343605176716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985980284155117,0.05776950290101561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07341804876128158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13271957674893214,0.0,0.1901879510610369,0.0453186031076772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08578226416967596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055935967367591495,0.0,0.07830027052093212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049478488689621465 ptsd,SkippyDontCare,2019/01/21,"Like a ticking clock, the nightmare are back In 2 weeks, its gonna be the 4th anniversary of me burning alive in my tent while on an army excercice. Face, neck, chest, arm and hands. I was suppose to have facial surgery and skin transplant, but i was a miracle they said. Even the 3rd degree burnt has left nothing but some dark spot here and there. But you know what didnt leave. The fucking nightmare. Always this fucking nightmare. I, wherever im sleeping, am waking up and start burning. Then i wake up again, and start burning again. It goes on and on and on... until im not even aware anymore if im in a nightmare or really woke. I had my dog who was helping me at first. He died. Then the presence of my girlfriend helped me, but she left me (not related). Now im in a mission, somewhere. And god i could use some Seroquel. I dont know why im writing this, its been a couple of days with only a minimum sleep... i talked to my medic but i dont want him to write a report on that, i dont want to be sent back as i know its just gonna be for a couple of week. Maybe i just needed to vent. I just wake up from another episode of sleep paralysis. Sorry, my english suck. Not a native speaker ",1.0151821862348172,3.057581497975711,2.6907303643724703,93.36874331983809,82.19838056680162,5.409489878542511,23.645182186234823,6.55674776486733,0.5930898461538471,918,34,202,9,25,302,142,247,0.055999999999999994,0.878,0.067,0.3728,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,1,1,1,12,4,3,0,15,0,17,16,13,1,0,34,34,20,1,5,13,0,2,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,9,9,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,9,4,26,1,28,19,2,32,0,0,0,2,14,15,3,4,17,131,35,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581621888009258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814558243721137,0.0,0.0,0.10228177403975107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15860822663381444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234455692493894,0.2282328660178009,0.0,0.06651326143356145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10703739420313713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3626188214143448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362388131884088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08772620713971177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19069248438054287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382578480394866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5570151335167963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700401769121421,0.0,0.0,0.10920461143169484,0.22411201030931446,0.0,0.0,0.0503863382629355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036125313966456,0.0,0.0,0.10389722255361196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647297212038293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0989603953601989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843848306414436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0660706423745811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098104587592187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30962713854356594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545070023578825,0.14599834993991062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08289565558017857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08907514925703745,0.0,0.0,0.12166287551001452,0.0,0.16545665193044806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09306290212337533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,oldschooldyingcat,2019/01/21,"My doctor violated medical confidentiality I needed to send a medical report to a disability rights organization I joined some years ago. I told my neurologist I was enquiring about disability rights and that my general practicioner is and will not be informed about any of this. How my psychologist and psychiatrist are responsible for my treatment. He was the only doctor who knew of my autism and PTSD diagnoses. I told him I had a deadline. For weeks, I made appointment after appointment and call after call, because he wouldn’t write the report he agreed to write. He now not only sent my GP a copy. He addressed the report to him and I was the one merely getting a copy. A report that is highly confidential and was written to be send to a court of law by me and me alone. It starts of with “Presuming you are familiar with the following diagnoses and treatments of your patient...” . He was not available to personally speak to me today, but his practice confirmed in front of a witness that I never signed a release clause with them, which is irrelevant anyway, as I verbally withdrew consent. My first step was damage control. I showed up at the GP 10 minutes before they opened up, after a sleepless night. When I explained the situation to them, the nice lady working there immediately informed the GP and handed me the original report. My diagnoses and treatments were highlighted with a marker by my GP. He read the entire report. I am not someone who cries easily, but I had been feeing very sick all morning and outside the practice, I just started bawling. I still feel completely powerless and violated. Drained. I am writing a report to the state medical board. I was also adviced by multiple people to get the police involved, as these seem be two reportable crimes in my jurisdiction. And no, I don’t live in the US. The sad part is that I only told him of my diagnoses because he claimed I “seemed heavily depressed” and that “his intuition” is never wrong. That I “must be suicidal”. I’m not. He said I need therapy. I told him I am already getting it. When he asked what for, I told him autism. And I think that he was very embarrassed there for a moment. He started stuttering and said that my “autistic body language” must have thrown him off. To add insult to injury, the report itself also includes many mistakes and omits important details and won’t be very useful for the court. I know this is bad for my health, bad for my recovery. Every other patient would feel violated now. But I feel like a little child again. Every single time I ask a professional for help, it backfires horribly in some form. I rarely ask any longer and I end up regretting it every time. ",5.231353391232421,7.217779705645166,6.213548387096775,73.16660463192723,69.48387096774194,9.119437551695617,32.072787427626146,9.59751140882722,3.365352315963607,2138,96,356,50,39,708,241,496,0.155,0.779,0.066,-0.995,2,1,0,0,0,0,54.0,1,2,3,3,15,16,4,1,33,0,36,13,2,5,5,71,69,30,1,8,9,0,4,1,0,6,11,3,1,2,21,26,0,1,12,2,1,6,11,14,0,3,23,7,65,2,51,35,6,46,0,4,0,0,55,14,0,4,26,259,86,14,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07864746632133915,0.07134369553642199,0.0,0.0,0.08335655035462661,0.08881545506568396,0.12872512342800682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946297067837554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257233990719849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440058743026492,0.0981238913461288,0.0,0.06848546234221149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08939893567875225,0.0,0.0,0.16436514034648986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08438533437005571,0.0,0.0902689989186606,0.0,0.0,0.088407257409565,0.0,0.0,0.06932025151632194,0.3267559076245959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16475638102278553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07128442117360116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20343225713863616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208450587909395,0.05749737116663749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06845915574329517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12614779500104234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555011164351235,0.0,0.0,0.053946339755656894,0.08503515183574754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044231582683559915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039320133526155626,0.08066553036481301,0.0710683341834944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615535779617387,0.0,0.08159755527681171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24323573440599866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935487191881723,0.12414754994759597,0.0,0.0,0.07552823735987173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054537648164946585,0.18363380237575336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715570056133666,0.0,0.05579706946245331,0.07027501775490393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408081075922954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805051997286519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746480146312073,0.15311632544216108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14653816522960186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09046673594709942,0.0,0.0,0.06819334039445188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708997362820436,0.0,0.06427416299478421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803579824321045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09203980470914336,0.0,0.0,0.05157052561199728,0.0,0.0,0.09386105859942263,0.0,0.07628887126482142,0.38452678316779776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07862060641919356,0.0,0.09681164432390364,0.06951183363180365,0.0,0.19922175065307046,0.0,0.0,0.06455894465624983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859288814709548,0.0,0.0,0.05717311222407754,0.0879959850220442,0.0,0.051828683580754674 ptsd,astral_berry,2019/01/21,Therapy Has anyone ever found anything useful for PTSD outside of medication and EMDR? EMDR was amazing but it's not offered by any therapists in my area. I have never found CBT particularly helpful. ,4.0051428571428564,7.355747800000002,6.357142857142858,61.95285714285717,85.28571428571428,7.371428571428572,32.714285714285715,8.238735603445708,3.9734,163,9,20,4,5,57,33,35,0.0,0.779,0.221,0.8171,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,2,8,6,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,0,2,1,4,3,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,15,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121173048439995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863250970256805,0.0,0.21928572694203172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2410413516622824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5843508531095446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17861217395871684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26844492449026497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055214856858132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3114943147879192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047367010309903,0.3093973180870284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301483247439632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,vario_,2019/01/21,"Does anyone else feel like they're making a big deal out of nothing? My trauma (sexual assault) happened a long time ago now, and I feel like it was a very minor thing to have happen in comparison to other, much worse things that could've happened. I'm annoyed at myself for still feeling this way after so long. And I'm also annoyed at myself for feeling this way at all. Part of me feels like it shouldn't be such a big deal. So what, somebody did that to me? Why should it affect my life and relationships all these years later? I feel completely pathetic.",4.370636363636365,5.673704200000002,5.112500000000002,82.89875,70.63636363636364,7.3181818181818175,25.56818181818182,7.645422480735847,1.3392727272727272,442,13,84,5,8,143,74,110,0.107,0.7759999999999999,0.11699999999999999,-0.45899999999999996,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,6,7,3,0,4,0,6,1,0,2,2,16,18,6,0,2,0,0,6,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,12,4,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,6,8,3,13,13,4,18,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,12,56,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260257398793113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11369385058549647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09940905309313186,0.14567067434271067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906326507182638,0.0,0.0,0.11351172858616412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2931434803759702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12441453015685686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11876536975949314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313146400821997,0.30470031113085266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37716321876260894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10041936385603492,0.20837225556632247,0.0,0.0,0.2516331761600963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490004051453993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451181658313402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641661280837258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15395700440461116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526381167183451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353769783912948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18890378022125245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290087348929663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11730570976327474,0.0,0.225696954739672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12828693579465958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488408056670116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09155326404280204 ptsd,HonestAdventure,2019/01/21,"Thoughts on EMDR TW: Sexual assault I've was diagnosed 4 years ago with PTSD because I was sexually assaulted by several classmates when I was 13. I am trying a new therapist who wants to try EMDR. Can anyone tell me about their experience? It seems really intense!",3.9440816326530586,6.739438102040817,6.293224489795919,67.39820408163266,76.14285714285714,10.450612244897961,32.248979591836736,10.355215969177356,4.6321314285714275,213,11,33,8,5,75,43,49,0.153,0.815,0.032,-0.7845,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,1,0,2,2,2,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,0,4,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,4,0,5,0,5,4,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,19,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23865029948731065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18824726056078075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16411608538458106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732560832023612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633521444555767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2600176367010106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147077467025358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17247140346390066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450908714177281,0.0,0.3041458098383395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353131175078616,0.0,0.0,0.3125891170028917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21373330651502045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655700317012257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587949362570358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17337104232658715 ptsd,s6n6nd6,2019/01/21,"i feel like there's something behind me there's definitely something terrifying behind me, almost touching me at all times. sometimes i definitely see something behind me but i think i made it up in my head",4.267105263157895,7.234609131578949,5.504473684210527,72.51881578947369,76.10526315789474,6.957894736842108,30.552631578947373,8.07648339933343,2.7341894736842103,169,8,26,3,4,56,25,38,0.066,0.782,0.152,0.2732,0,0,3,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,6,4,1,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,9,1,6,3,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,3,0,1,2,20,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2933286977242153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14811502574310967,0.20927040370565111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30063234692853524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431115901443727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2771789761337993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23342857052304805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6765392038347768,0.2897168566728596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18769875031082106,0.0,0.0,0.17081077992604216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BeardedBiscuitBandit,2019/01/21,"Let's share secrets. I've been known as secretive or mysterious by those around me. So much of my life has been hell that most of their normal stories I have a fucked-up counterpart for. So I stay silent. But I've never really told anything about what I've seen or experienced to anyone no matter how close. To most I'm. Just a cynical hateful old man despite being only 26 lol Lately I've started waking up in a panic again, running through the house like a maniac checking the rooms and making sure everything is okay. I've started attacking people when they wake me up or I hear a noise. I think sometimes I'll imagine a noise in my sleep. The anniversary of my child dying is coming up and while I acknowledge it I think I've suppress it. I want to cry but can't, I want to scream but hold it in. Every day I have to restrain myself because I just want to start punching holes in walls and breaking shit. Everyone sees me as moody but there is so much to unpack underneath it all. Surely they know something bad has happened in my life previously, that this isn't normal behaviour. If only they knew of the monster right under their noses. I've contemplated killing myself more and more recently. It's just been a fleeting thought but it's become evermore pervasive, popping into my head for no reason all the time. My SO doesn't know and I wouldn't burden them with it. They must know something is up but not the extent. I can't find the will to get help. I can admit to myself something is wrong but not others. It's exponentially harder to carry something like this alone. There is a sadness in me that I can't feel. A part of me broke as a kid and it's beyond repair. One thing after another. I've seen too many people die to count. My only solace lies in the fact that as long as I stay silent those around me don't have to imagine the horrors. That's all I feel like saying for now but if you're so inclined do share. ",2.2257218238398053,4.4504434061696685,3.6604661074279536,87.05180320660266,78.94858611825194,6.254119875524286,23.090312542281154,7.3759095455046575,1.0096334190231362,1531,50,302,21,38,503,200,389,0.161,0.7440000000000001,0.095,-0.9872,0,1,4,0,0,1,33.0,0,0,7,0,19,23,7,1,19,2,27,8,6,3,8,70,54,32,3,9,18,0,2,3,0,3,2,3,1,3,21,12,0,3,18,0,1,2,12,15,0,1,8,10,39,8,47,41,11,41,1,2,3,0,19,21,2,7,18,204,60,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10567972406192376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10699485813195103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134675414604848,0.0,0.08396788783485416,0.18166940951996816,0.0,0.11608199907332199,0.0,0.0,0.08519676577884268,0.06220090513117979,0.11269202560700167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789597760325371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11208302800879676,0.06580552631550267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117969231748804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597070739389161,0.0975008782554221,0.0917044192323401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10318610705977434,0.07289536687069731,0.0,0.0,0.09326011488612383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05331020421716362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09023112283605927,0.0,0.0,0.10074056982289918,0.104719562988842,0.0,0.11500329417472502,0.0,0.06839335691405779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11773718186517668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11288899851485007,0.0,0.1682308624673549,0.0,0.11510235992483105,0.0,0.0,0.10433990843980467,0.1441437261820998,0.14955060556527047,0.0,0.0,0.09029967490820047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811059605102217,0.10344966399275198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001810501359555,0.0,0.07869734751263995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19994950281501425,0.0,0.0,0.10707083400960968,0.0,0.06914301976914693,0.23281157246731396,0.0,0.1197186211053403,0.0,0.11049629988958017,0.0,0.14147943692894852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653676169496754,0.10491119385083604,0.10074938478660364,0.0,0.0,0.08713917637573766,0.0,0.08114404441212401,0.0,0.0,0.08131040503134716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10473967753390832,0.0,0.0,0.10211084914635013,0.0,0.0,0.3142127607323563,0.10091735946330108,0.0,0.21666727924447365,0.2175160703138211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.192337629840322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06778895455365748,0.1307625829816205,0.0,0.08100610668820638,0.0594986880499937,0.0,0.0,0.0975008782554221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18055248044010933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156161544742542,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cariethra,2019/01/21,"For those with physical scars related to their traumas, do the phantom pains trigger you? To kind of explain, I have multiple traumas. Some of which (4 to be precise) stem from catastrophic pregnancies and miscarriages/births. The pain in my incision and old PICC scars seems to be worse when I am not mentally well. All of a sudden it will itch and burn which throws me into a panic. I end up having dreams around the events. Then it becomes a cycle of the incision hurting more. ",5.090176565008028,7.043154101123594,5.411268057784913,78.91202247191012,69.7865168539326,9.130658105939006,31.815409309791328,9.606745405546679,3.2233004815409307,381,17,67,9,7,121,68,89,0.263,0.711,0.027000000000000003,-0.9716,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,0,3,8,0,1,7,0,7,3,1,1,2,13,9,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,5,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,6,1,0,0,0,7,2,15,6,3,11,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,2,6,51,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448993669996253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785083714638893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22335291933039325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2699594219410104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626023019210401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25413390570799216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26461609373577594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5366656865162511,0.2958739805976043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295713878186889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22673633972505505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2569886960017729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jentgregs,2019/01/21,"Combat related problems My PTSD stems from a 6 month tour in Afghanistan back in 2009. Specifically one day where I lost my best friend and I nearly lost my own life. Lately I have been having nightmares replaying the events of that day. I usually wake up screaming and clutching my left leg which I sustained a GSW that day. It has been really hard for me to cope with it. There are times I wish I would have not made it home. It is really hard for me to go out in public and not get scared. Also I have a massive fear of people in traditional Islamic attire. When I see people dressed like that I have flashbacks and just start crying. Which makes me feel worse because I feel like an asshole for assuming people’s intentions just because of what they wear. I see a counselor once a week and we are going through EMDR. I also take Paxil for my mood and hydroxozine for anxiety. Any other veterans have these problems and what are some of your coping methods?",3.159915915915917,5.602629102702704,3.9177927927927954,85.27981231231233,76.89189189189189,6.921921921921923,24.87237237237237,7.984000788550335,1.5861471471471478,764,27,142,13,18,243,117,185,0.152,0.758,0.09,-0.8393,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,1,1,1,3,8,12,0,2,7,0,14,4,3,3,0,25,28,10,0,4,4,0,4,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,13,10,0,0,3,0,0,2,2,7,0,1,5,7,24,4,21,22,3,23,1,2,2,0,5,9,0,2,14,100,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21800845572328495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09269306783699614,0.0,0.10427406981324044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10481125504992987,0.0,0.16618230732474645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14304522170210826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497262472882341,0.26371917357391683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338266442319615,0.13784128477622334,0.09737736319357797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053100338835738,0.0,0.0712145001915798,0.0,0.15493220628965976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442076320284707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13672649444121202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537596254467,0.0,0.14809736903819742,0.0,0.09627728468263153,0.13318490377932718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2975892083900795,0.0,0.0,0.12897646944175215,0.09098562135994387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087985169763533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516193273110392,0.09236478582107936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28349321306025005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608537497636465,0.1593349590244151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17464281888033067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646654662349422,0.0,0.21723720401048527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09647841487913417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10248549535501753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07948139373607642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501223098986874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10933682138207892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567457035749267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890792905937446,0.09682819928959853,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blueyellow155,2019/01/21,"I think I have acute trauma. What's next? I think I just got PTSD, or at least acute stress disorder from an assault two weeks ago. &#x200B; I feel depressed, I'm extremely exhausted even if I sleep a lot, it feels like I'm only half sleeping. I feel on the edge, but numb at the same time. I have his video tape of the assault playing on repeat in my head throughout the day and even when I sleep. It's super tiring. &#x200B; I know it takes time to heal. 2 weeks is not very long. I have seen a school counsellor who taught me some basic grounding techniques (which don't help much). But what's next? Waiting lists for therapy are 6 months long... I can't afford private therapy. Maybe see a doctor? But I don't think pills are the remedy... I don't know.... In the meantime I'm going to be out of school, and I won't be able to go to work, nor go to my long-awaited job interviews. ",0.8730769230769226,3.110361857142859,2.2875714285714293,94.86992857142859,84.27472527472527,5.398241758241759,20.63846153846153,6.742157984588678,0.2805859340659338,686,21,151,8,20,221,112,182,0.132,0.813,0.055,-0.8785,2,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,2,4,10,2,1,10,0,13,10,4,0,0,22,33,9,0,1,7,0,3,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,8,2,0,3,7,7,0,2,3,5,19,3,16,27,5,24,0,1,2,0,4,8,0,4,14,85,26,7,0.11026670304637748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0977447791384604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389478533636161,0.2679722269868781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711129013281706,0.0,0.09497254975846216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637519475029033,0.1128626429682412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566023482417614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672624746119028,0.07877455468866111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1880013253152756,0.0,0.08819035548121233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11316544927018232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390944672964267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094226883421306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211993925417545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053870741322150514,0.0,0.0,0.2927476869157698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374480775541397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077772406231423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801383036590782,0.0,0.0810587141885506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2345397792765888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08386279647470904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889587509710002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22319158068250455,0.0878682860497931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33103900902177474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631013578732456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290683783036325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521991695439844,0.0,0.0,0.21196335281337986,0.0,0.0,0.12859480257535827,0.1267353542645131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771454649770304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098157807660624,0.0,0.0,0.17689859599761626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027547308785775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679722269868781,0.0 ptsd,RomanianChic2,2019/01/21,How to handle emotional triggers? I just experienced a really bad emotional trigger from my childhood which brought back so many memories and feelings..that I feel like I'm in the moment again. How do you guys handle these when normal ground g techniques aren't quite doing it?? I feel like I'm losing my mind,4.671724137931037,6.992753758620694,5.209862068965517,78.3713448275862,71.75862068965517,8.088275862068969,28.84137931034483,8.841846274778883,2.600899310344828,250,10,42,5,5,80,47,58,0.11,0.74,0.15,-0.18600000000000005,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,2,7,4,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,4,0,10,8,5,0,1,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,1,3,6,2,3,7,0,8,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,7,25,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856795556039091,0.20162174051541712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5432542907998213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441942755950059,0.3450199220503677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390984541128756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23594521156257645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701490286530909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24481799419589495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438211574128393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23659446696254094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.256838643480298,0.0,0.0,0.15469522325472565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,QuietChameleon5,2019/04/14,"Husband to trauma survivor Hello. This will be a lot but I hope this is a community that can help me with advice. I’m married to an amazing woman, but I worry about her often. She has Severe PTSD, anxiety and depression. This comes from over 20 years of abuse in all forms. I knew this getting into the relationship and have always loved her through it. Recently (last 6 months) it seems to have gotten worse. She’s been cutting herself (thighs) and is sick nearly every single day. When it started she was having such severe panic attacks she would just slam her head against a wall or anything she could find. I fell asleep one night and woke up to glass shattering and her using a broken piece of glass to cut her thigh this was the first time she cut. She ended up in hospital for a few days cause I called 911 worried she might kill herself. She got somewhat better but now she’s walled herself off from everyone. Our daughter stays at her grandparents most days and with me being away for work for a month she barely texts or calls. She’s started drawing dark images of cuts on thighs and said she’s been have terrible intrusive thoughts. I can’t get her to talk to me about it and I’m so scared... how can I help? She is on new meds now (changed maybe 2 months ago) she will not go to therapy again cause she feels it won’t really do anything and we will most likely move out of state by the end of the year so she thinks it’s pointless. If you read all this, I appreciate it and any advice you may have. I love my wife and I’m so scared for her and I am willing to do anything to help and support her.",2.4287822497419995,4.5154585913312735,3.2585356037151705,90.87711197110424,77.63777089783281,6.040412796697629,22.84097007223943,7.0316486544052195,0.6774776883384934,1267,39,262,14,30,401,189,323,0.203,0.6829999999999999,0.114,-0.9878,1,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,2,2,0,3,13,19,6,3,11,0,30,8,5,4,2,49,53,24,1,4,8,3,1,1,0,8,1,1,0,1,14,19,0,0,6,1,0,4,3,12,0,2,10,2,47,7,41,32,10,44,0,1,0,2,48,15,0,12,24,186,61,2,0.0,0.11908058871600492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19642233369651688,0.08909056977462697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08362722699083619,0.0,0.0,0.06834604202680508,0.0,0.07688514496352962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.248118233892405,0.0,0.0,0.11433760111333507,0.09442664451572984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888745883775556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20525126844711386,0.0,0.0,0.20649021035222964,0.10631971212399084,0.08657513918518576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08024411985621932,0.0,0.0,0.19444994260038198,0.0,0.08656379036822877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1780331016121376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08467880057118249,0.0960357042018786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081774970978166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185866801706412,0.08548849545292242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501819254856933,0.0,0.05711863534930053,0.0,0.08038208370513959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314591166041273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202096770146992,0.0,0.0,0.09982296766391384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119258270286972,0.0,0.0,0.08192402497358793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04910108837397213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08544475121798564,0.18141723766396944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10096959287275784,0.0,0.11163708379529096,0.0,0.0,0.10661866741924364,0.0,0.0,0.24066356375634054,0.10681965206770633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09706721280011096,0.0,0.09431602400003324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810398750233998,0.0,0.0,0.1179195745684462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11748358383144912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10053101482504792,0.0,0.06438531875903004,0.0,0.09923539448065896,0.10790348702404852,0.0,0.0,0.09560214517115463,0.0,0.2012437078290264,0.0,0.0,0.0914949003964114,0.0,0.2270814120181213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14227423801754974,0.10712369653271037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11405054058102156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08078116113976112,0.0,0.0,0.11493487380811135,0.0,0.0,0.06439878780885831,0.0,0.07978880436414719,0.05860458396077355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0868030288839597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316797581786047,0.2041330096013668,0.10242197587033844,0.07139502804745249,0.0,0.0,0.1294423260853095 ptsd,Mewzeltoebeans,2019/04/14,"I don’t know if anyone cares but my dad died 5 years ago today. At 7:23pm my dad passed away five years ago today. I have been on edge all day. Sneaking off to the walking fridge to cry when I don’t have too many tickets in the window. Sunday’s are always hard because of brunch. Staff and guests are always trying. I needed a moment and my boss told me to deal with it. I’m trying ok. I really am but there is a lot I didn’t get to say to him and a lot he didn’t get to do. He was an amazing scientist. It’s part of what killed him. He wanted to do a lot more work and research into diseases and the blood/brain barrier. But his lab forced him to retire early and he took it personally. He made the test for AIDS/HIV, Hepatitis A,B, and C, West Nile, and Chagas’ disease. I just want to tell him I love him one last time...",0.8556460674157299,2.416439550561801,2.868974719101125,94.30829353932585,80.46067415730337,5.573595505617979,17.866573033707866,6.322622252153567,-0.3342258426966298,632,12,149,5,16,213,114,178,0.12300000000000001,0.7829999999999999,0.094,-0.7506,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,1,4,5,1,0,9,1,14,2,0,2,1,26,26,13,2,4,5,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,4,10,1,1,1,1,0,3,4,1,0,2,7,2,18,4,19,19,6,23,0,0,0,1,20,7,0,4,13,88,22,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26946070333040617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529364382731785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10627524738016793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14280001861423347,0.0,0.0,0.09265195956293697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16967159374963708,0.0,0.0,0.15496437997243714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695435792873964,0.09802125789557772,0.15669546648660335,0.0,0.0,0.15774207722675684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15881746013193004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13615357742895615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1681548990877193,0.0,0.08352996918448398,0.12389249190394007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3876505024718209,0.13717730333540604,0.14381702629673518,0.0,0.15409444709593526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269898304026088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299265353453936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16459083171912925,0.0,0.0,0.13271218688921088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09736896576623824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208688958109165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284634103279294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08862684598607956,0.0,0.2881383246653801,0.14523337579124487,0.1688669677635485,0.20638305937673646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792957951490148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11065084820435124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19575371622331347 ptsd,Dbdjles10,2019/04/14,"How are you sure? My boyfriend died in front of me about 7 months ago. Obviously the whole thing was upsetting and I’ve been in therapy ever since to work though everything, but how do you know if you have PTSD? And even if you do have it, how does it change things? Does it change how you cope with the experience? Could it help me to heal better/ faster? I guess I’m just wondering how this “title” could change anything.",2.021111111111111,4.51034072289157,2.365702811244983,94.52745649263723,81.5301204819277,6.5804551539491305,20.065595716198125,7.793537801064563,0.5961121820615789,332,9,73,6,9,101,58,83,0.051,0.877,0.07200000000000001,0.4234,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,5,0,2,10,3,0,1,2,0,9,1,0,5,3,20,13,11,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,9,2,7,9,1,7,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,4,4,49,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079019219996614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998412428909082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15044641690156774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5398541012717002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716342770429228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17654491247934442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977247494485958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11235451652060326,0.15387213294927807,0.0,0.0,0.15288181173410698,0.1663979494852515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739278463449452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11401959036572976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348673073372997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577832508404916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988467716740363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071482849134773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032447269598238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19453295400227485,0.0,0.2260239642642953,0.0,0.16712992924505227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18991914678922636,0.0,0.0,0.18447451970390588,0.12384041503346475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MassiveCook,2019/04/14,"Has anyone successfully recovered to the point of living a meaningful life? Before my trauma, I was incredibly happy, joyful, and high-functioning. I had dreams of going to grad-school for neuroscience and doing and seeing so many incredible things. It has been almost 5 years since my trauma now and I don't feel like I have grown as a person at all since that day. I have since developed severe chronic psycho-somatic pain in my head that is almost 24/7. I am finally doing EMDR now which I have had some progress with but my rage and frustration at my brain not being at the level it was before really drives me insane. I can't even read a book because it hurts so bad, and I have spent half of the past 5 years unemployed because everything I do feels like torture because of the pain. I used to meditate every day and be such a light to the world, now I am mostly isolated and I can't help but feel the pain I'm in subliminally transfers to the people I'm around because very few people want to stick around at this point. I grew up with ADHD and depression and I spent a lot of time feeling empty and wishing I could feel things, but now that all I feel is pain I would do anything to get back to that emptiness because at least I would be able to relax. &#x200B; My question now is: is there any hope for me? I can't imagine having any healthy relationships when I'm in this much pain and suffering, and my cognitive dysfunction makes me feel like I'm mentally handicapped which might be the most torturous part of all. I also feel so vulnerable and even a slight perceived negative comment or opinion towards me makes me feel so small and weak and triggers me hard. I have been feeling desperate for human support and companionship but I have no idea how I'm supposed to meet people when I am like this and there have been no peers around my age at any of the support groups I've tried going to (I am close to 26). I am working towards bettering myself everyday with healthy habits but I still feel so unbearably stuck and I am struggling to find motivation to keep pushing forward. Any advice or support is appreciated.",7.006715913887717,6.866085961165052,7.3203588011819365,74.48432883073029,64.3883495145631,10.466188265090757,33.93246095398902,10.074871250255047,3.310376403545801,1704,66,313,34,23,556,201,412,0.253,0.639,0.10800000000000001,-0.9975,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,5,25,30,4,1,15,0,44,10,2,6,3,75,77,36,0,6,8,0,12,4,0,3,8,0,0,2,14,26,0,1,18,4,2,7,8,17,0,1,10,14,43,13,43,59,11,46,0,3,1,0,9,22,0,12,23,222,57,7,0.07371474655813298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859080041661954,0.07203319719419153,0.0,0.0,0.14762934120978224,0.0,0.0,0.058949656190134564,0.0,0.07986989709804128,0.08957148554921429,0.2005142217835956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051543064746674284,0.0,0.060660955513882675,0.19686525861169288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05668208996344861,0.061548734309020324,0.22467912653148425,0.0,0.12545163994668654,0.0,0.0,0.06519470296532953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08229003608925912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058855226903150135,0.0,0.0,0.09507982652233347,0.0,0.0634904031952437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973757897626289,0.0,0.062107853266176426,0.0,0.06625006105215307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4099962981411367,0.15798548901009904,0.0,0.08075090170608873,0.0673739428989005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038512912612659864,0.0,0.08378757845197607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847071843127508,0.06603393386428012,0.0,0.07565259667354134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049409440777747365,0.07788367695909422,0.0,0.07321537606160332,0.0,0.0,0.07891316079513301,0.08321497627434286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552105372888216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05206690549805723,0.1440532067705284,0.0,0.06509147172759408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06266964145944204,0.0,0.0,0.09841033146388337,0.07473518302297473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428712663717336,0.07819969705337526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05418882044767409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39218843806960535,0.0,0.0,0.07982588707284594,0.0703690665871709,0.15331357113368474,0.0643648733842404,0.0,0.0,0.13936852441834108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08257738655738492,0.0,0.07373469481544279,0.0,0.04722355421910286,0.0,0.0,0.0791420508296507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07460325895932562,0.058741109126422025,0.0,0.0,0.08327668154228253,0.0,0.18293280030017997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05886869182254498,0.0,0.0,0.07706265828996121,0.0,0.0,0.2509518625047031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794560426718568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04298366151633616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0500474741499258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366587321289167,0.0,0.06082238594324552,0.04347886740321374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08476832060817867,0.0,0.0,0.05366521343271507,0.0,0.0,0.10472968195099246,0.0,0.08957148554921429,0.09493975990107366 ptsd,Ophoe,2019/04/14,"When my s/o shuts me out and I think it’s the trauma So, my s/o is an incredible guy who’s given his whole life since he was 18 to the military. I could write a litany of things I adore about him but I won’t subject the reddit community ;) Anyway he’s been through some shit and I think only recently (a few yrs from retirement) has started to realize he may have some trauma related issues. We don’t know if he has full blown ptsd or just some of the symptoms, but in my mind the label doesn’t matter, what matters is that he (and I) are living things that I feel convinced are tied to the trauma he experienced. He’s hesitant to get help or be diagnosed (not unwilling, just hesitant) because he’s worried he wouldn’t be allowed to keep working and he loves what he does, and of course the whole army mental health stigma thing. You know the drill. And I get it. But we’re already trying to navigate a long distance relationship, and when he’s not doing well he goes through periods where he shuts down and shuts me (and everyone) out suddenly and for indefinite periods of time. That’s happening right now. And the thing is, I know I’m just going to have to wait for him to resurface, there’s really no other choice. I have almost only compassion and love for him, and while I feel upset and hurt on a personal level, I don’t feel like it’s about me — in fact I know it’s not. I just want to be able to be there to support and love on him, and I don’t want him to feel like a burden or a failure (got this from him, not my assumption). He’s been infinitely patient and compassionate with my anxiety issues that would have thrown any guy for a loop, so I want to be able to do the same for him. It hurts when I can’t. But I just don’t know how to handle these situations. Of course my anxiety and emotions go haywire when I just get shut out and don’t know when I’ll next hear from him. So I guess I need insight. He’s not telling me what he needs from me right now, or anything for that matter. I don’t know what helps or hurts. The first week I was pretty persistent trying to get through, but then eventually realized it was no good. This past week (second week) I’ve periodically reached out or tried to call, still to no effect. I’ve tried to stay gentle in my messages and say that I love him and am here etc but just need to hear something from him. But he’s not even opening messages and I have a hunch he’s leaving his phone off now. My best guess is that he’s getting messages from a lot of family and loved ones and can’t bear to answer or have to constantly ignore notifications. Which would mean he’s really not in a good place. He’s such a gentle and loving soul so I know it gives him pain to shut people he loves out, which tells me his overwhelm and/or depression is even more painful. So I have only been able to respond to what I feel in determining how and whether to reach out. Not his needs since I don’t know what they are. And so I don’t know, does being persistent help or make it worse, or does it have no effect at all? I don’t mean eight messages or calls a day. I never sent more than about two a day and now it’s only every few days. I don’t want to leave him isolated but I don’t want to pile on more guilt that will push him deeper into a shutdown. And I’m losing my mind not hearing from him. I miss him badly so it’s pretty hard not to make efforts at contact in hopes of finally getting through. Last time this happened I just let him do his thing and waited for him to reach out, and it was almost a month before I heard from him. I don’t think I can bear to do that again. I don’t really know what to do. And yes, therapy is on the table and will be a discussion, but I just need insight on how best to deal right now. Or is there no definite answer and I’m just gonna have to weather the suckiness of not knowing until he finally makes contact and I can ask him directly? I hate this 😖",2.8204805312168477,3.973094615103534,4.306388943459981,87.77324181761033,74.22533495736906,7.684106714863857,24.447782012494613,8.207736516917482,1.2349346823307532,3073,92,681,49,62,1025,307,821,0.135,0.721,0.14400000000000002,0.9492,1,0,1,0,0,0,77.0,1,1,1,10,46,38,2,3,30,1,68,14,1,9,3,165,143,75,0,16,43,0,6,2,0,8,6,5,0,3,42,46,0,4,30,0,0,4,35,19,1,6,11,12,85,19,91,115,17,81,1,7,0,7,90,36,1,23,42,457,127,1,0.15996543769548602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067881859282856,0.0,0.05884194609652125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03626066102717468,0.0,0.08158208132825975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04387930842825387,0.0,0.0498486968328298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04452148623831149,0.03250448202455178,0.0,0.04537293515588555,0.0,0.11191590518545702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10889506473014912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762193646198474,0.0,0.042573128497904386,0.0,0.0,0.10316447370311063,0.05497244740174929,0.045925999029156686,0.054120517338302636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13998683251538152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0599798622160453,0.0,0.0,0.05946791599475066,0.07043710861859641,0.0,0.044925926837067344,0.05095127696208922,0.0,0.0,0.05026705936664333,0.0,0.1348055528707502,0.07618622710150731,0.0,0.1168228786310552,0.0,0.04535550652846623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1671506777318607,0.05115114134871026,0.060608029764868676,0.0894476130867918,0.04264632454863898,0.0,0.11747997618965915,0.10559395536587944,0.09430460550676498,0.0,0.04776587058702937,0.05264425065914504,0.0,0.056678593316400336,0.1802926742167017,0.0,0.1072214609605752,0.0,0.0,0.05296059121855495,0.0,0.0,0.1712463095368938,0.0,0.0,0.11130823775241218,0.0,0.04739487699721191,0.0,0.0,0.3516512843993247,0.04346439400812705,0.0,0.11292020088913028,0.0,0.054525166011208506,0.037662773128114335,0.05210068846110123,0.0,0.04708413739593029,0.04718812618058118,0.0,0.059653469068987226,0.0,0.04533229823683884,0.336875123638302,0.0,0.1067781718137177,0.0,0.0,0.11616617141691983,0.0,0.0,0.05373584564152284,0.0,0.10767966070141972,0.0,0.04256096206974677,0.0,0.0,0.19768724189416945,0.04112506903572756,0.0,0.056708352585824365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03613224017350945,0.16221456491481345,0.1134763360732949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05090170358230104,0.03696663099035427,0.046558550013710814,0.055709945161306944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10849490583283322,0.0,0.0,0.062330345448520175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247795553686063,0.0,0.05264885711669858,0.057247671563696964,0.0,0.13660960975564287,0.0,0.04240364553266249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054734074343102686,0.08821670873261844,0.05993595141961065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04104973638072501,0.0,0.0,0.03774145337948477,0.05683395750154925,0.042582868393131613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06050896100687887,0.0,0.0554217798125896,0.0,0.0,0.09321122887195232,0.0,0.06097813971030686,0.0,0.1771232146948279,0.10249939335399083,0.0,0.0,0.06218475541880756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1448080423841709,0.0,0.05208766291376515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15725293285729322,0.0,0.12831462515286152,0.0,0.04794271318833421,0.0,0.0,0.11906379899459392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03881891460716056,0.05415088896229806,0.054339482413791176,0.07575657153749954,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,korenic,2019/04/14,"PTSD and marriage- TW My husband and I have been together for almost six years and married for three. We were together for only six months when his mother died. At six months, we were starting to get comfortable and a routine with each other. Exchanged house keys and I love you’s. I was really starting to get to know him when she died and to this day I feel like I never got to know the true person my husband is. Of course he was consumed by her death. She was a single mom and his best friend. I didn’t get a chance to form a relationship with her and I’ll always feel that loss. I supported him through what I thought were the stages of grief after death but his anger and depression never seemed to subside. I never put a time limit on how long he “should be sad”. But his anger and depression got worse. In 2017 he was diagnosed with PTSD. We felt better that there was a reason for his emotions and our household seemed to feel lighter. He tried medication but he didn’t like the way he felt on them. I didn’t know how to handle that so I went along with him off of the meds. He tried medical cannabis for a year but gave that up too. He also isn’t seeing any professional to help him. In January of this year I found out I’m pregnant. He also found out his job will be absorbed this summer. The news was exciting but bittersweet for him. All good news has a twinge of heartache since he can’t share it with his mom. I understand that. The stress of his job stuff has overcome him and looking for work is crippling him. He’s indecisive, angry, so stressed he developed shingles (I’m fine, he’s not contagious), and completely unhappy. His moods are affecting me. They always affect me but I’m starting to feel hopeless. I go through waves of hardcore support when I try to make everything perfect to avoid him being triggered by anything. I will also back off and be there to listen when he’s triggered or down. I let him do nothing or I get him out of the house to do something. I’ve read about enabling a spouses’ PTSD and I don’t know if I’m fully doing that or not doing enough to help with enabling. I went into a panic when I found out about the shingles because while I believed him how stressed he was at work, I didn’t know he was internalizing that badly. I looked and found 8 potential jobs prospects. I found a counselor for him and made an appointment. I planned a weekend trip that we didn’t end up going on. It all felt like the right thing AND like the wrong thing at the same time. I feel joyless myself when I’m home. I’d rather be at work, honestly. I’d rather be around my parents who are states away because this feels like too much at times and I just want someone to baby me. Make me spaghetti and watch my favorite movie with me. I don’t need him to be sunny or constantly happy. I’m a realist and life is allowed to be shitty. I can get through my day coping with the daily annoyances without them making my week completely negative. I can understand him but I feel he’s changing who I am. I just want him to feel content and looking to our future with some positivity. We’re having our first baby. I’m tired of having the same fight about his moods and I’m worried to have that fight around the kid. We fought tonight and it made me sick. I screamed “should I get rid of it!!” in anger and I want punch myself for going there. I’m in love with my kid already and ended up in bed repeating to myself “you’re wanted. You’re wanted.” I can see my priorities on happiness changing and I don’t want to be consumed by his mood swings anymore. My pregnancy is my happiness and I shouldn’t feel like I’m not allowed to see light in our future. I shouldn’t cry so often about how depressed our household feels. I needed to get all this out. I’ll take any advice. I don’t know how to TL;DR this so I’ll just say I’m married and pregnant to a PTSD spouse and it’s getting to me.",2.0223686932536498,4.18427958533502,3.1999287438225497,90.4175370647052,79.31605562579014,6.081278014021377,24.052752557177328,7.194767674117456,0.9422839443742096,3076,109,639,39,77,991,308,791,0.16,0.713,0.127,-0.9885,6,1,1,0,3,1,69.0,10,1,3,12,36,50,7,6,29,0,59,8,0,17,8,152,144,61,5,15,21,8,13,6,1,6,6,3,2,3,27,55,0,2,30,2,1,7,21,23,0,5,34,24,107,24,101,94,12,78,1,7,7,2,88,31,0,11,43,420,134,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225094390293704,0.0,0.0,0.053543176802111264,0.0,0.05900624110877091,0.12828148542613296,0.0889838026872776,0.0,0.0,0.07272381181353807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05302856102513066,0.0,0.0,0.04400182564588466,0.09520050925432856,0.0,0.0,0.05023747771123716,0.04111566358767987,0.04464579650695722,0.0651904782452395,0.0,0.0,0.06024316223902682,0.05611419508837282,0.047290484111466906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131298098219382,0.0,0.11212601190189976,0.05778282503527125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05873504721240256,0.06896834897563081,0.0,0.13816269268679796,0.05427162945557471,0.11098827809275333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060147334450586176,0.09471832892052284,0.055249521125035984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048056012483662695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703638979732152,0.114598424688699,0.15402075638183266,0.0,0.0,0.04548214549938776,0.0,0.2931392835401828,0.041311325997399034,0.0,0.2234898479974812,0.0,0.0911658838976988,0.04484868171886759,0.08553079820276907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076164601116758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07168055893433936,0.0,0.053635466403771634,0.0,0.0,0.1233960048788767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15918424113942478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631657219017646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467740796464478,0.0377679329024408,0.15673848279384742,0.0,0.0,0.047319882084034134,0.1347057495412193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09651877899843887,0.10119052816927987,0.10707631152883444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059393887579889476,0.10773219878616024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12524846250048968,0.0853595965568244,0.0,0.039307112937728386,0.07929568502170872,0.1237196880855944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051306573567934735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04066687271447899,0.0,0.0627363391919963,0.05937287850774457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04668854805171385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500175222549819,0.05375281676393622,0.0,0.0,0.053485164515404165,0.0,0.03425469614721776,0.05497677956607983,0.0,0.057407515136603166,0.0,0.045663681017585764,0.0,0.04252204249136931,0.0,0.0,0.12782766213277874,0.09735542426461824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04423151111250245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0453055460038083,0.041164353034131636,0.0,0.0,0.11354049852050907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837514999691467,0.0,0.06121115254944419,0.0,0.12135582111972995,0.0,0.0,0.04020330781867158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07104710707630044,0.0,0.0,0.04244975876678938,0.09353757603920504,0.06145669756974601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089092751460849,0.0,0.0,0.11132975761883487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892304062687154,0.04244254850644962,0.04289096589436181,0.0,0.0,0.09913573916249097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05154384147477823,0.0,0.11678190747465725,0.05430208588142777,0.054491205912435656,0.0,0.058461810559598336,0.0,0.10330012262351702 ptsd,orangecrowest,2019/04/14,"Is it okay, just for now, to heal not for myself? (Just in case, TW: Suicidal Thoughts) I struggle a lot with wanting to die. It's all very passive. But like still there, ya know? At first, I was going through the motions of therapy, medication, etc. to get better for myself, I just want to feel better. That's what I thought, though. I don't know if I ever truly believed that. I've made progress, that's something not even I deny. But my motivation for anything has just been plummeting for months now. I feel momentary horrible anxiety about consequences, but ultimately I feel like I don't have consequences. Maybe, because I don't see a future for myself. Or maybe because I didn't see myself living past eighteen, so I don't know how to see a future for myself. It's all just speculation, really. The trauma I felt, the abuse that was done to me, it destroyed me as a person. I have come to realize that the person I was before my abuse...I can never get her back. She is now a ghost. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't who this person is, I don't know whose body I'm staying in. My trauma...it's been like my birth. I hate it. I hate it so much, but...I can't do anything about it. I don't even know if it's worth going back to who I was before. I think I have different hobbies I want to pursue, and I think I have a different favorite color. My favorite flowers are different, but my least favorite foods will always be the same. My body seems to remember my old self, but my brain does not, cannot. And I don't think I want to push it. I think, just like you do with a kid, I'm going to let it figure out who this new person is. But for the time, I have no hopes for this person. I have no foreseeable consequences...or more so, I just can't feel them beyond that insane instantaneous anxiety. But I don't like putting the people I love through this. Just because I don't see much potential for myself, doesn't mean I don't see futures for anyone else. So is it okay, while I'm trying to figure out this new person that I am, that I just get better for my hamsters? My lovely dog? My parents? My boyfriend? My boyfriend...I want to get better for him the most. I love him so much. But he tells me the same things everyday about what I need to do, and he tries so hard, and I know he is so tired. Is it unhealthy to try and get healthy for these things in my life? At least for now? I want to do it for myself eventually, but how do I get to that point?",1.131718750000001,3.0836364218750028,3.0153187500000023,91.68280625000004,81.265625,6.049125,21.3728125,7.1686216300943375,0.5370694062499997,1896,57,421,25,50,634,189,512,0.11599999999999999,0.721,0.163,0.9581,5,0,1,0,2,0,92.0,0,2,1,7,35,20,3,1,16,2,50,11,3,4,4,78,102,29,3,10,24,1,6,5,0,1,4,0,0,8,37,10,1,0,25,0,1,7,23,5,0,1,12,12,78,15,51,87,13,39,0,0,6,3,28,9,0,7,27,300,115,1,0.0,0.07968047993431407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05595754651580802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289242464401686,0.0,0.06669411916814763,0.04702289744692244,0.06890576831291208,0.11068235481071888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342249210551466,0.0,0.12298527738635236,0.0,0.11444991928117565,0.0757679364433745,0.0,0.2379093169324252,0.0,0.14939960427119475,0.0,0.07507345453645055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057930085121660764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979508120046482,0.21078640950705296,0.0,0.0,0.05885109565415541,0.06882029453366144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05617890552900071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07500174015672087,0.08883623428924302,0.060831648235346876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360148695842994,0.04804355014805439,0.06457072994827615,0.0,0.0,0.0572029784199056,0.08131919834016879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21081269603211644,0.0,0.11465950060121688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024296217886916,0.1327912822447321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06679461411546687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587126250065721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06876787701011274,0.04750079898521598,0.16427523281170278,0.0,0.05938315105551421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05717370780853472,0.18208776998781834,0.06363375711073355,0.0,0.0,0.13512371253153402,0.07325517346515051,0.0,0.06774749272081569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05367846114292918,0.0,0.1483098856773986,0.04986516477272928,0.05186749342312779,0.12990130776468867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07056776313725523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467337898674782,0.0,0.06419791717522381,0.04662281510340256,0.3523216388323014,0.0,0.0,0.06357316802233234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06760501694885906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04308219462769401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07618135717471049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.267948478029573,0.0612220484777337,0.0701566163149767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051772482859510326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07167975607192263,0.05370608969433905,0.0,0.0,0.07030450159620916,0.0,0.07356079420507232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05877963142478303,0.0,0.07690645473764987,0.0,0.08935607782480366,0.1723648287307539,0.06607297156779378,0.10677828004835603,0.0392141273963791,0.07729420207074815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13697539655408114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05548845088554635,0.2379954315551145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,qpwoskalzmxn,2019/04/14,"Triggered 2 decades later - why are brains so strange? (sexual assault trigger warning) Welp, the human brain thoroughly confuses me. Through a series of triggerings, heavy therapy, and increasingly corroborating evidence, nearly 20 years later it appears I may have found my trauma. Yet... I’m still constantly questioning if it’s just false memories or me being dramatic. I had plenty of “symptoms” of young trauma and my therapist gently suggested perhaps there’s something to uncover, but I dismissed that as baseless conjecture. Background facts... * knew that I remember 1st grade and 3rd grade vividly, yet had no recollection of 2nd grade (teacher, life events that I know happened that year, etc) * knew that I was given paper bags for “hyperventilating” by my third grade teacher randomly and didn’t understand, and was yelled at and punished by parents upon them finding out * knew that my uncle (mom’s side) was suddenly cast out of the family at some point in my childhood, assumedly due to his alcoholism * knew that when my mom found a suicide hotline card after seeing the school counselor in middle school for anxiety and depression, she panicked and screamed at me yelling “what did you tell them?” and scolding me to not talk to her again, before consequently moving out of the state in the following months and blaming it on me * knew that I was prone to knee-jerk panic reactions from sexual partners touching my butt, and jumpy to touch in general Then how we got from point A to point B... Long story short, was traveling for work, ended up meeting a bunch of people, ended up at a club with dancing, and a wonderful young woman I had met said, “c’mon, just dance with me and this guy.” So... I did! Nothing sexual, just goofy friendly dancing. Harmless! ... until he suddenly got a little too friendly and got up on me and grabbed my ass. I was somewhere lightly past tipsy, but suddenly my whole body shut down - I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t support my own weight, I couldn’t speak; pure and utter dissociation like I hadn’t felt before. This woman and her brother kindly took me back to her place, and comforted me for multiple hours before I returned to my hotel, confused and disturbed as ever. In the proceeding weeks, I started dissociating hard more and more, without prompting - to a point that my vision completely blurred out and started seeing blurry objects as other things. Most often, it was a nondescript man making various brief, photographic motions while laying or standing, and consequently screaming and reeling. This continued until one night, while with my ever supportive significant other, I dissociated staring at her, her face blurred, and... saw my uncle’s face. I hadn’t thought of him in many years, and panicked. This continued similarly for a while. After tying together those background facts to this, I said just enough on the phone with my mother to get a reaction which clearly implied, yes, something happened, and yes, she knew about it. I had already accepted that they were ashamed about my mental health, and that I could never have them be part of my life in that regard - but this is a whole other barrel of monkeys keeping me from seeking help to protect a molester. I feel like I’m going insane. I’m alternating between doubt and telling myself I’m making all of this up for attention, and it just going blank in my head, and feeling angry and perturbed and distressed. I’ve had horrible memory issues despite being cognitively strong since I was pretty young, and my therapist believes it’s likely related. It’s terrifying that the brain could possibly repress something for so long and suffer such damage, and STILL not be able to truly recall details and circumstances. Can anyone here relate, or do I sound like I’m false memory-ing myself to the moon and back? Thanks for reading.",8.339208394698089,9.023778721649485,8.043799337260676,67.6268772091311,61.48895434462445,10.73698085419735,38.32993372606775,10.522638547272203,4.393278910162003,3068,145,467,67,40,979,359,679,0.163,0.7340000000000001,0.10400000000000001,-0.9933,1,0,4,0,1,1,108.0,1,1,4,2,26,32,3,8,22,2,35,15,9,6,8,116,81,58,1,6,15,5,8,4,3,1,5,8,0,6,35,46,2,3,22,7,0,14,11,18,0,2,38,22,70,14,82,33,14,102,0,3,5,2,41,37,2,18,53,335,105,9,0.0746856028036788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981619605494955,0.0,0.0,0.08241741986902228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05713428172132989,0.0,0.0,0.05222191000709198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11485723697778745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065584139408448,0.08414509894536347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08295886805095322,0.0,0.2501214982221785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07830643358660093,0.0807086040842943,0.0,0.11926075323185352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06432660025692273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1322985524454041,0.0771701924162672,0.08329418937360519,0.0,0.1351148071347642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07040693947487643,0.0,0.07552656965763507,0.05335540956583719,0.07170989095806574,0.0,0.0682612879187855,0.0,0.0,0.16377781710988815,0.11540382292094835,0.0,0.039020144930343725,0.0,0.08489109840744535,0.0,0.17919869766528165,0.0,0.0,0.07395048882938793,0.13208846381260428,0.0,0.06690363036468845,0.0,0.07664897527350496,0.07938730332407368,0.0,0.0,0.050060185254365376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355027449259162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07795236539826021,0.0,0.0663839953680732,0.0,0.07777356238982673,0.0410452541036503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10550529995183293,0.14595045205745044,0.07485459462114351,0.0,0.13218881652479156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997064396293316,0.07571947887404495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526552138485759,0.0,0.0,0.17494175070097712,0.059613335615683015,0.07937897623143914,0.0,0.0,0.057602141103563334,0.0,0.0,0.07008737888976763,0.0,0.07166285017197628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050608897338365516,0.0,0.0,0.08762746297804054,0.08292952346828725,0.08087722977752157,0.07129585872821838,0.051777593189688186,0.0,0.07803055890959203,0.0,0.2824081406787288,0.08419679544312067,0.0,0.07598210801021836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366496774328595,0.0,0.07470581378847667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08460422888841437,0.0,0.1420862221945005,0.0,0.0,0.15117163462271846,0.11902951171388038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061780702418927115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17248987754007553,0.0,0.0,0.10572570813826372,0.0,0.119288037748688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816939275033746,0.16950467399435878,0.0,0.07762693791959313,0.0,0.0600294584932441,0.1305570175032229,0.06876046873443603,0.08540949572083202,0.17343148249480855,0.049617795883598916,0.0,0.0,0.059292026163333164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297845275459853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775034644787865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059908285602996686,0.09094694379633993,0.0,0.0,0.06739213992791929,0.16676761670733495,0.0,0.07199425594079516,0.08099335036607241,0.054372008342314496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14428523862568796 ptsd,awkwardnoodl,2019/04/14,"Why, just why So there’s this guy that I’ve been talking to and it’s been going pretty good. We had our first kiss tonight, and then for some reason he told me that he loved me. I bursted into tears because of the situation with my ex. That’s another guy I can’t date because of this awful disorder. I hate having ptsd.",1.7982587064676598,3.577090343283583,3.5590298507462705,89.4351616915423,78.40298507462687,6.257711442786071,23.106965174129357,7.1686216300943375,0.7716189054726371,251,8,54,3,6,84,51,67,0.156,0.675,0.16899999999999998,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,2,0,0,1,3,4,1,0,1,1,5,2,0,1,0,8,9,4,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,4,0,8,3,6,5,1,6,0,0,0,2,10,1,0,1,4,34,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229375537417828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26669255497763306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507032702190109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18606627709441514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431908850250438,0.18347479320504745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4331882865484436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21596759644663088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19742791023545594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225445679826596,0.0,0.0,0.2557037990599013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22490857870015146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458810450669176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17582073275481386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20902234685864013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3947706916388471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,neverwhattheyseem,2019/08/08,"PTSD from abortion? Anyone here have PTSD from abortion? I am interested in hearing your experience. Would you say it was worth aborting despite the mental health effects to you? The following describes some of my thinking, you don’t have to read it to answer the above question which is what I’m actually interested in. My situation is pretty complicated and it’s not that I wouldn’t want a baby (I have three) or that I don’t have money (we are well off), but regardless I don’t want to be pregnant with this child at this time. If I wasn’t so afraid of some kind of everlasting trauma, I would get the abortion. Birth wouldn’t traumatize me, it would just make my life incredibly difficult, I would probably lose my marriage. Adoption is out of the question. It would likely tear my family apart too. I have to either keep the baby and deal with the potential consequences to my family/marriage or abort and deal with the mental/psychological consequences to myself. I don’t think abortion is immoral I just have some religious trauma that makes it hard for me to do things that I think are rationally okay to do.",6.720494505494504,7.426967452380958,7.173809523809522,72.4017032967033,64.95238095238095,10.461538461538463,33.2967032967033,10.389873798559362,3.5084945054945056,895,36,159,21,13,293,111,210,0.132,0.815,0.053,-0.9621,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,4,0,2,6,11,0,1,9,1,29,2,0,3,0,39,41,8,0,11,8,0,1,1,0,7,2,2,0,1,15,8,0,1,7,1,2,1,8,5,1,1,2,3,26,6,24,31,4,9,0,1,0,0,13,6,0,8,3,122,41,1,0.0,0.0,0.13087999428915906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377854798832112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2765399034245574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13119331268398748,0.12643468136954095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07007121212848286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014354338812536,0.0,0.0,0.14256135084735516,0.1511609332570706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11921039836413301,0.0,0.13966344302241265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473163499009807,0.06552336686999774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500439343251126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1790498496177964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2703191556225089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364464026942405,0.14460207915021814,0.0,0.3135539443020064,0.0,0.3004861059807869,0.0,0.13415447160813956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665615771800717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.150754450644221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910215753718873,0.25781253772491103,0.0,0.0,0.07820538774779726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821275173642893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12058834836041255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4763685256645736,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nootdoot,2019/08/08,Anyone here have experience with medical marijuana for PTSD? My doctor recently prescribed me my MMJ card and Im interested in what good it could do for me but I was wondering if anyone else had some experience they could speak to?,4.537558139534884,7.154146418604653,6.439709302325583,68.04002906976747,73.18604651162791,10.811627906976746,29.3546511627907,10.686352973137794,4.05193488372093,188,8,32,7,4,65,36,43,0.0,0.904,0.096,0.4871,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,0,8,7,3,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,6,2,5,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,3,1,24,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3339985878610118,0.24471513413192425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3813813317175701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444581947478816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995163647183067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4672537815227954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20032383689912409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2579832612386521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24060158059610964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791858502334745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358211852056273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25900684832024146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,evfields24,2019/08/08,"Questioning my PTSD Since I got out of the military, I finally started seeing a psychiatrist and going to counseling. What I perceived to be REALLY bad anxiety was actually diagnosed as PTSD. I almost feel ashamed of it because it isn’t combat related, I was never shot or anything like that. I had never dealt with the death of a friend or family member... no one, until I joint the Army. I was stationed up in Alaska, I had a friend kill himself in April, another friend died in a training accident (truck rolled over and killed him), and have also been to countless funerals and memorials. My life wasn’t necessarily in danger but I’ve gone through some really shorty things. I went through the nightmares, survivors guilt.. intrusive thoughts, i self medicated with Alcohol for a solid 2 years (now two years sober), but I still find myself questioning it. I’ve been doing better since starting therapy and getting the right medicine, yet I still can’t shake the feeling of being alone in this and feeling ashamed of the fact that it wasn’t caused by the war. Has anyone else had similar thoughts?",6.346034115138592,7.851768681592038,6.623216062544419,73.14906716417913,66.16417910447761,10.31997157071784,34.75515280739161,10.451354775682146,3.9938227434257283,879,41,147,23,14,283,129,201,0.2,0.7170000000000001,0.083,-0.9668,0,1,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,0,0,1,5,14,4,4,13,0,17,4,0,1,3,28,30,13,6,0,4,0,3,1,3,0,4,0,0,1,9,9,1,0,9,0,0,4,7,9,0,2,15,4,18,5,24,13,1,26,0,0,1,0,8,9,0,6,14,102,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.12071031693133193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13219435216456268,0.12386456302827815,0.12811266853343412,0.0,0.09892035478614487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.129706969963401,0.09462777897031158,0.0,0.0,0.08649173856181941,0.12674207719864244,0.10179199725517736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328173271866134,0.07540447339625045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10939984326129128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12707077546652584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1255497351640578,0.1283778381139857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10333287554617697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116610415076198,0.0,0.18763458622287316,0.0,0.0,0.13550389200411,0.11305671255154935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2867037210940093,0.0,0.06462651736601098,0.0,0.07029979072658696,0.0,0.0989316994021551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737045535684767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737076850579581,0.0604320501711735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246115987480702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19080532781178766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382021103589313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891900797928097,0.0,0.27713764264281465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848678481005884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056364645006068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0985704027954918,0.0,0.1290428290503816,0.0,0.0,0.20464668416217371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17510658469435675,0.0,0.19756898537626846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14145816906313494,0.0,0.082178714432221,0.0,0.0,0.19640302030404955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083388344681753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466825228945993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15931347762970188 ptsd,th3_unloved1,2019/08/08,"PTSD and sleep (trigger warnings) Some days I tell myself that I was misdiagnosed, that I just am hypersensitive to everything and that I can’t possibly think this way. Then I have days like today where I wake up in a cold sweat, after having hyper realistic nightmares. I woke up at 5 AM today swatting bees off my body that weren’t there, i was shaking, cold, and it felt like I was seizing. I couldn’t say what causes these even if I wanted to, but it’s the most exhausting thing to do. Even the days where I don’t wake up shaking I still wake up 3-4 times a night from my nightmares. Just kinda needed to vent to people who might understand; and if you don’t I am truly happy that you don’t. When I’ve slept next to people in the past they tell me the same thing, I constantly wake up in a panic and then go back to sleep almost instantly. I hope the next person I get that close with doesn’t see me shake like I did today.",5.1314914772727285,4.7679022343750015,5.967272727272725,83.36863636363638,68.32291666666666,8.85681818181818,26.30871212121212,8.296473431620573,1.4249104166666662,727,17,157,9,11,240,108,192,0.075,0.82,0.105,0.7574,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,2,1,0,10,10,0,4,8,0,18,10,9,2,0,27,29,11,0,6,5,0,1,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,14,7,0,0,3,0,0,4,7,5,0,0,8,5,26,5,20,19,3,36,0,0,1,0,8,13,0,8,21,109,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369618671935696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10517265489651052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15192781281714804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050710104759284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14780676234059442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646285040539743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18067912348652287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122925862691442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313268508428006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714600550170734,0.0,0.07773321413189327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14560108482901146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13584988635053408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004662082703136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509820926698092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141801187017126,0.0,0.0,0.2909266334327171,0.12835544205194588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16047770546715345,0.0,0.0,0.13056860747962112,0.1896471509571182,0.1194279290030337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541949074091683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15988436213688545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877013065598684,0.0,0.0,0.1089931299706009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737504762920788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092298574956226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390973091027712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173640461855986,0.08764083266288407,0.0,0.0,0.07975545364966631,0.0,0.3889442731802463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14238911835617785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067429975920253,0.10856678738695562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ImNobodyUK,2019/08/08,"It's been tough This is my first post and I'm not sure how to begin this so I will just dive into it. I grew up in an abusive household with my mother and step father. Mother would beat me and my step father would molest me since I was as young as 7 or 8 yrs old... or well what I can remember up until I was about 12. When I turned 13 I moved in with my sexist father. Fast forward 2 years, I met my now ex of 4 years. I lost my virginity to him, however, he turned out to be very abusive 8 months into the relationship. He raped me, beat me, and verbally abused me. Took 4 years to really get out of that toxic relationship. Shortly after the break up I was raped by someone I thought I was becoming friends with. BUT then again... what did I know about making friends. I was an outcast and had no friends growing up and my ex wouldn't let me have friends. Anyways this person stalked me and threatened me after. I quit my job and moved shortly after not too far but where he didn't know I lived. In between and after all this... quite a few men has looked at me or/and treated me like some sort of toy for their pleasure. I'm so emotionally broken. I don't know what to do with myself sometimes. Since then I've met an amazing person who treats me right ... but I don't know if I really want to be with this person. I've made friends that don't hurt me and seem to care. But I have no one I can really talk to about all this. I mean they know the gist. But I'm that ""happy friend""-- you know the one that is never sad or cries, the one who listens and is always smiling. Keeping those happy, positive vibes. Deep down though ... I'm sad. I struggle with a lot of anxiety and depression. I have PTSD and try so hard to push through each and every day. Some days It feels easier than others. Most days I can't focus on anything and am completely overwhelmed with my memories, thoughts, emotions. I don't feel like anyone around me truely understands what a toll all this has taken on me and how much it actually hurts me. To them it seems like because it is in the past I should be just fine and dandy now (like out of sight - out of mind type thing) or they simply have nothing helpful to say. I can't really blame them for not understanding. But I'm just going through it right now. My anxiety has been through the roof and I stupidly start to shake uncontrollably and breathing sounds like I'm shivering. I don't know how to keep living like this... I'm now 20 going into 21.",2.214499731038192,3.9563416706114443,3.4967630446476607,90.51576317912857,77.06706114398422,6.502582033351264,23.15980814057737,7.348242739294969,0.7809293885601578,1925,59,418,24,44,627,238,507,0.111,0.7240000000000001,0.165,0.9877,2,0,0,0,1,0,68.0,0,1,5,6,25,37,4,4,13,0,41,4,1,5,5,92,84,43,0,6,17,7,3,6,6,5,0,3,0,4,28,35,0,2,17,1,0,12,15,15,1,4,18,8,63,22,64,57,10,69,0,7,2,3,37,28,0,12,35,281,91,2,0.0,0.2623912332471743,0.07203694288692565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06142353247149523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11294305379181052,0.0,0.0,0.05161613844915236,0.0,0.060746955844616674,0.06571478622954133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04499953178446569,0.08152756583627398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07526364876603435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07739808285289529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08108698371420857,0.14282193483114944,0.0,0.06358041489431719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16607344883577002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06219590489472104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465046520720177,0.05273648946940995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06279061933940787,0.0,0.0,0.34219543294989696,0.0,0.03856751319048063,0.0,0.08390636588941798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15716393608567825,0.06612755158104515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04947948959600733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15805007533335014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07325421862778134,0.13122788864907556,0.0,0.0,0.2839839183869101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07548518813871115,0.0,0.21638615111235876,0.0,0.1303675065913641,0.0,0.06198958110852663,0.0,0.08058243538221252,0.06275848954709308,0.0,0.06984956256204332,0.049274924945111334,0.0,0.0,0.08041080794653052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07453640255848433,0.0,0.05892182388842169,0.15691636811282902,0.054265645094452336,0.0,0.05693395913258172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07083156467534897,0.0,0.07746088884146264,0.0,0.15006550994139775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07046883031408012,0.0,0.1933683745150686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069843935238589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08629075704171561,0.0,0.0,0.1570317254347874,0.0,0.0,0.18916201623742532,0.0,0.0,0.1585085044069554,0.08362282404253543,0.1260824783408676,0.0,0.058704033292484824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13440455190726402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221280986891578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06254681396082015,0.0,0.07300912929154074,0.0,0.05224964759196081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717191166462427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957377283413335,0.0,0.0,0.059333119761306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04904223191993202,0.0,0.07252704178936889,0.11720848321946666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08201590683098628,0.050118427521708905,0.16058830021002024,0.0,0.15369689259463154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060908615137343074,0.043540508321081584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637237425664584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10487815945533033,0.0,0.0,0.14261153703610416 ptsd,BastionOfUgliness,2019/08/08,"Anyone else get PTSD from a parent with BPD? I havent figured out all of mine yet either. My mom had BPD and abandoned me when I was 3, thankfully my dad was amazing and held onto me. Whenever i would see her (starting again at age 6) her symptoms would have her be extremely volatile. She wouldn't give me affection unless it was a show for someone else, called me her niece in public for a while, drank all the time, and made her adult problems mine. I had to escort her out of family parties at 10 when she would get drunk and belligerent. When I was 13 or so I remember she spit on me. When I was 16 she chased me into a bathroom and told be she was going to beat my ass because I started calling my step mom ""mom"" too. I never called her by her name to her face, she just didnt want to share. Following 16, she started with a lot of false suicide attempts for attention, which I always treated seriously. Our relationship was so weird. First she didnt want me, then we were familiar strangers, acquaintances, distant cousins, and then friends. Until her last suicide attempt, that accidentally went through. The table broke under her. The police I called called me to come down. It was the day before her dads 70th birthday, and I had to tell him to his face that his daughter was never coming back. I did her makeup for her viewing. It's the least I could do. I loved her so much, in the most damaging way to myself. I put up with everything because it was obvious her BPD made her suffer and everyone except her family left her. I couldnt stop grasping for the love she wasnt able to give. Now I struggle to get and keep jobs. That was only the worst thing that happened to me. I had a marriage with a man that was practically the Male version of her, and I was raped after I left him...I got catfished...please dont call me stupid I was vulnerable. It took 9 months to meet. Now the obvious triggers get to me, cluttered houses, crowds, loud places, and the month of July is awful for me. Sorry this was so long. TL;DR Mom had BPD, was abusive, killed herself and involved me. Now the obvious triggers get to me, cluttered houses, crowds, loud places, and the month of July is awful for me.",3.417886904761904,5.117320914351854,4.301492063492066,86.20700000000002,73.65277777777777,7.066772486772488,26.694708994709,7.760100539840176,1.4991886772486769,1713,62,341,23,35,552,214,432,0.159,0.7859999999999999,0.055,-0.9921,3,0,0,0,0,2,65.0,2,0,0,4,16,19,3,1,20,2,40,10,4,5,7,60,70,27,3,9,5,9,0,0,1,4,1,2,0,3,13,23,2,4,4,2,0,8,9,12,0,1,34,4,79,7,50,28,9,55,0,4,2,4,69,16,1,3,30,246,92,1,0.07256876786329372,0.08598212338526648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060383028225047215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050741769797910834,0.07435527845617255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580090308416051,0.0,0.08847449466102503,0.0,0.061750676509354216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3655912909346732,0.0,0.4446049539784541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12502313567277096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057940256164456076,0.0,0.0,0.04680085180744743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505005547179892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212437874577506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934256755960308,0.06522012929436435,0.0,0.13682275177313308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0617269568727454,0.0,0.0,0.05606645003656879,0.0,0.18957093021566354,0.13922914934449593,0.0412425031246215,0.0,0.058039872943382635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06417232175947436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746922968992378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07201330455974382,0.06450245521036857,0.08028658968327397,0.0,0.0,0.0591532314330081,0.0,0.0,0.15769235723363542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06422107595306582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06169537135367562,0.1309922925409682,0.13733264558329925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33996665540984494,0.17377109448615302,0.0,0.05334639424896863,0.0,0.11193901499760747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05519181803395492,0.0,0.0,0.08057902877751523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163783388448002,0.07965871512190273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06943851021899787,0.0848290062188891,0.07295165533078779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791169858194756,0.08220626755326786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05782791247699692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06148728151601605,0.0,0.0,0.0812347943304251,0.154093642209113,0.0,0.0,0.06067073934803813,0.0,0.07586463253946461,0.0,0.15875690730961392,0.0,0.0,0.07542673589491047,0.0,0.0,0.06342830171043809,0.06681157152707308,0.0,0.0,0.04821146480975876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04231543212365883,0.0,0.0,0.06934256755960308,0.08062657124737213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08560587895542672,0.057601710131776576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727197484464742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1546523117712523,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,neude,2019/08/08,"Long and short term memory loss after EMDR treatment for PTSD (I am new to this thread so please warn me if I wrote anything wrong or triggering for the others so I can correct.) Hello all. I had to undergo a medication and therapy treatment after an event that took place 3 years before and it took 2 years for me to recover fully. A short summary of the event: I have witnessed a suicide bomber from a very close distance and I was alone at that night. I was not physically injured. The worst part came afterwards, I had experienced an abusive relationship which fueled my attacks. Immediately after the event, I started to suffer from severe depression and had to visit a few psychiatrists. My PTSD was not officially diagnosed at first but later it was determined as the source of my major depression. I was also suffering from self-harm, ED and anxiety problems. I was being medicated heavily and they only worsened my situation. Then I went to another therapist who started EMDR treatment and it was successful. No medications and therapy sessions left. The problem is about my memory. I am not sure when it started but I became aware of it after EMDR treatment. I cannot recall most of the things about my childhood, my highschool period is almost completely vanished, the people I used to be friends with and the list goes on. They come and say ""hey we did this together and we were this close"" etc. yet I cannot even understand what they mean. I cannot ask my therapist about it as she is now aboard and we have no contact anymore. Is this normal? I cannot understand if the event or EMDR caused this.",5.056892419175032,7.113556086956525,6.23864966555184,72.5242398272018,70.07023411371237,9.665607580824975,31.52187848383501,10.02789654360092,3.6052239687848378,1286,57,214,35,24,430,164,299,0.16899999999999998,0.7759999999999999,0.055,-0.9846,0,1,0,0,0,1,31.0,3,0,3,3,10,13,1,0,17,0,27,5,0,3,3,45,41,26,1,5,9,0,0,0,1,0,5,1,0,0,18,21,0,0,3,0,0,6,9,10,0,1,17,2,36,3,30,22,8,41,0,5,0,0,17,9,0,6,26,167,54,3,0.0,0.12647840213356012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10689226086183223,0.11055827792695558,0.0,0.0853659845062514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193412328722624,0.08166159058875545,0.0,0.10586489477782253,0.0,0.0,0.08784414572038056,0.0,0.0997945579683428,0.12144075914074932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09083431052957452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209076982314965,0.0,0.10965914824228,0.0,0.09195357015531072,0.1119227848387787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838830325991917,0.10834652554521644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11905174592420315,0.07050575607556904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09079941930312704,0.0,0.0,0.08247289942064187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1159815353839144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09446823072101077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11627938606201832,0.0,0.32261080637117506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10309745783836742,0.0,0.10017535300874283,0.10458994333967853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08118632898262415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11559720411395305,0.0,0.0740053167614939,0.0,0.11152847927915717,0.11717676428490187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20428599511741444,0.2495643684692116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460692939626628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08488994359008854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136098499821236,0.12059435738422912,0.0,0.0,0.11998872906127622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.226669415434427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11676450390864845,0.0,0.10060831121795004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2441502741196725,0.2478842875415833,0.07091833503964765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372009319933281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22225594751426495,0.0,0.0921956173711871,0.0,0.08807791582902003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09895605681422412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671169844642452,0.0,0.13748385650633568 ptsd,noralindell,2019/08/08,"Remembering traumas I forgot about I don’t know why I’m writing this tbh but okay, here we go. I’m diagnosed with PTSD but I think it would be classified as cPTSD if that diagnose was used here. I have over 10 traumas that I remembered when I first was diagnosed. The thing is, after accidentally reading notes the doctors at different ERs wrote when I was a kid, I remember a lot more. And not only the things they’d written about, but also other stuff that I had completely forgot. I get flashbacks to traumatic events that I didn’t know about, but seeing them in the flashbacks is making me remember it all. I know it’s real, but at the same time I’m scared my mind is playing tricks on me. And I have flashbacks constantly nowadays. I don’t know if this is normal. I suffer with a lot of dissociation so that could maybe play a part in it. I don’t know how to deal with it. And I don’t know how to break the news to my therapist.",2.403287925696596,4.328599031578953,4.108823529411769,85.51088235294121,77.10526315789474,7.628482972136222,24.86068111455109,8.4952907291091,1.6629690402476782,736,26,153,15,17,247,106,190,0.13699999999999998,0.821,0.042,-0.9598,1,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,1,0,2,1,11,8,1,1,10,1,19,4,0,4,1,44,38,17,0,5,8,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,1,16,7,0,2,11,3,0,1,6,5,1,1,9,1,24,3,19,25,6,15,0,1,1,0,7,6,0,4,7,113,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09602354486388194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589584262886405,0.1297578915703581,0.0,0.09586972827764152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12379155070602955,0.0,0.3656193101987225,0.0,0.12545230978831412,0.0,0.12290135230361875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10213531962991368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06273397728008136,0.0,0.06824111299792288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3959388735726382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20416611451895872,0.0,0.0,0.08015066998790353,0.0,0.12063098767062044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12124102898594695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1176475287513732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132207809102227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002899667329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140360680373661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010700711805375,0.13667108373430856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5440840655368459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021553493092815,0.0,0.09568384096019772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13745659009505268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394157646249458,0.15954434229837128,0.07693889969392231,0.0,0.0,0.07001641428942826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370582676577894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10834857181185023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529748910634194,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Thot_patrol_nanoda,2019/08/08,"My ""friend"" gave me PTSD by wanting to drag me in filth It was hard moment of life, and help required so much, when my crush, cute young girl, failed, so need to find other cute girls to replace and forget her. So had hopes in my social friend for helping , because I no very social, and even have some level of social anxiety. Instead he wanted me to go after ugly old females, what made me feel like total trash. Even tried ghet rid of him, but he was clingy ""friend"", not wanting to let me go, untill our ""friendship"" ended atlast (and only after twho year after he emigrated to other counttry), but all that shame he forced me to feel, of his attempts to insult and put me down and rag into dating down ugly old females left marks, of ro few years after that I can say I had PTSD because of him. Now more time passed, it is not so horrible, but stull disgusting to remeber, and still anger, that he wanted to harm me, instead of helping, while thinking he really is friend whop can help. I told many times: want to help me-lest go hang out in streets ans search for cute young girls, no more than 20 year old, and for ugly females you can go without me, i refuse",9.803139252789908,6.144961851528389,9.018922852983989,75.720679281902,61.48908296943232,11.22581271227559,35.92479378942261,7.793537801064563,2.6752936438622026,900,24,180,6,9,285,131,229,0.182,0.6759999999999999,0.142,-0.9209999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,38.0,1,1,0,3,11,15,3,1,1,0,11,1,0,1,2,34,28,18,0,7,6,0,3,1,4,0,1,1,0,3,8,10,0,2,4,0,0,7,5,6,0,0,7,4,23,9,36,20,7,39,0,1,0,0,32,10,0,2,23,113,31,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255546422259752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156921515913422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09558156752875137,0.0,0.0,0.14255503428769392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10913117013771184,0.07709523026785645,0.0,0.0,0.0986332923559602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335026147968373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24532465714980664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09667156209074966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3616691860152056,0.0,0.0,0.1071849632263921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725107759763755,0.11035144773415488,0.07622428035370094,0.0527223190704896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211275274501176,0.0,0.1094099118919394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793306958101052,0.08001836560060814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3397191463862646,0.0,0.0,0.08207500036880197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522961179650608,0.10848541235759818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06913376936198762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581915500767719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33002039381187115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618187746350169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914823176121619,0.0,0.0,0.12585340475715598,0.0,0.0,0.10311838712264784,0.0,0.07326789760418713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904202301963067,0.31825833960188143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402719770841112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848314700637965 ptsd,katiemih,2019/08/08,"I feel like I have no one to relate to I have PTSD from my parents divorce which happened last May. They fought a lot leading up to it, but I was never involved. Most nights I closed myself in my room and cried myself to sleep listening to them yell. After the divorce, my mom and I moved into an apartment and I had to get rid of a lot of my stuff in the downsizing. We also had to let my dad keep our dogs, but I was never too close to them. I feel like no one understand what I’m going through. Divorce isn’t usually the kind of thing that gives people PTSD. I don’t have flashbacks or stuff like that. I used to have night terrors but they went away. My therapist and I talk about it sometimes. She said my main symptoms are avoidance and anxiety. I just feel really invalid because I don’t think anything bad really happened to me. Divorce is a pretty common thing. I feel like PTSD is for people who were assaulted or abused or something. Idk, thanks for reading. I just needed to put this out somewhere.",2.133564356435645,4.38165191089109,3.2450396039603966,89.78647029702972,79.3960396039604,5.822178217821782,24.456435643564358,6.961326702584282,0.9801556435643564,794,29,158,9,20,255,118,202,0.163,0.747,0.091,-0.9403,1,1,1,0,5,0,20.0,2,0,4,1,5,11,2,2,7,0,17,2,1,2,2,35,37,12,0,1,8,3,4,4,0,1,1,3,1,0,12,10,0,2,6,1,0,5,7,5,0,2,8,7,33,6,26,27,4,23,0,0,0,0,21,10,0,7,12,120,45,3,0.0,0.13268741154076644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955672531190317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08567047728893362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09215654307791424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052163679770952,0.0,0.09350526276234183,0.06826681652968107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301350748885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264978949809708,0.2400126473496205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058509083152049474,0.10742904868007473,0.063645334281262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980611534486697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995400378929768,0.0,0.11661821956378353,0.0,0.0912851282812434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11451526904892748,0.0,0.21884662783166534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19041630531232784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13115893670821396,0.0,0.11902547079568004,0.0,0.08303764793085668,0.1727440259169117,0.0,0.0,0.21018621466891035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517718700373817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434936858967514,0.0,0.0,0.1552766916041165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11393200828889664,0.0,0.0,0.3927237714865057,0.11257882374087858,0.0,0.0,0.1120182582277508,0.0,0.14348470022662255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652618799826401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206882905743347,0.0,0.0,0.08621379722273459,0.11075894874217204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563988259109526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11639836227375196,0.0,0.09001167434984159,0.0,0.10310346078772438,0.0,0.13002664455227306,0.14879963928157214,0.07175735821309394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658340822517065,0.0,0.09672163482479472,0.123338908357298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381395410969076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rrosea,2019/08/08,"Idk Sorry if this triggers you. I dont feel like myself I haven’t in a while, I am so close to ending it all, idk what to do, I’ll probably be fine, but I just can’t take this shit anymore",-0.5154545454545456,0.7525920000000035,2.3772727272727288,97.61090909090912,83.54545454545455,5.3090909090909095,17.81818181818182,5.985473137389443,-0.5357999999999996,144,3,38,1,4,51,35,44,0.265,0.701,0.034,-0.8215,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,6,1,1,1,1,7,8,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,6,2,3,7,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,3,26,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467334878265422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4097572282743842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.309663471088254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17678061692491745,0.24977176276075785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1708088363614592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3769542692166795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3588844533157005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3913759253844564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2628740601791153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,abbyskata,2019/06/13,"my PTSD as a young teenager (TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM) hello people of reddit! today i have come here to discuss my experience with my PTSD. i was diagnosed over the summer after my father died. i was left absolutely distraught, and had literally no one to go to. as anyone would, i attempted to isolate myself, and attempt to recover as best as i could manage. however, when school started up, i couldn't balance that recovery and the stress of my classes. i am currently 16, and my birthday was in may. thankfully, i've always been the type of kid to put their mental health first. so, thats what i've done. i've usually just been crying over my loss, but i've started to get extremely violent with myself. last night, i had an extreme trigger from i don't even know what. my dad popped into my head, and suddenly i started to flip and freak out. i began to hit myself and punch myself in the face, and i couldn't stop until i bled. my mouth was bleeding like crazy, and now i have this bump on my forehead that hurts pretty bad. i was hyperventilating, crying, and screaming. i felt so lost. i have never cut myself, nor do i plan to. the only form of self harm that i've done is non-suicidal: punching and hitting myself, as i mentioned earlier. does anyone have any advice for coping? i seek professional help, but it's only once every 3 months. i can't see my therapist anymore, and i don't want to because i don't feel like it helps me anyways. for me, breathing and meditating hasn't done anything at all. i do listen to music, and i'm planning on getting an IEP or a 504 plan so that i can listen to music in school to calm myself down when needed. my entire family is suffering, and so am i. i would really appreciate it if anyone would share their experiences with me or give me any sort of advice. thank you!",3.494696955143599,5.197513849582176,5.212304293535683,79.74186629526464,73.45682451253481,7.7372394582652975,26.585438478532318,8.433251757073789,1.9528429737777344,1428,51,267,25,29,486,197,359,0.155,0.745,0.1,-0.9685,2,1,0,0,0,1,53.0,0,1,2,9,11,20,2,2,9,0,35,8,5,2,2,45,58,33,1,9,6,2,2,2,0,4,3,3,0,3,11,21,0,1,3,0,0,3,10,13,0,2,15,6,54,7,44,34,3,37,0,4,1,0,17,13,0,5,23,192,65,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977712620974621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08420153613103061,0.0,0.0,0.13763081556592988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003572821634986,0.21227164760936695,0.0,0.08327406112265394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449278484738604,0.06168693901132308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619688713017576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08716969308272329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079519554219579,0.0,0.22231377174983308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10270980629032696,0.1050234225299521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08855557410248889,0.31066986729415863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683769980102018,0.0,0.08526033138236269,0.0,0.0,0.1979743501127718,0.0953967216916893,0.0,0.05116674009476284,0.0722930324064793,0.09716213431928887,0.0,0.0,0.08607558683555865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10573940392957028,0.0970745306556217,0.057510897003033586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385426517124664,0.10756451761069354,0.0,0.0,0.13565644512212294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10833029779644354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055613590246850725,0.0824866373910606,0.0,0.0,0.1099476053578212,0.0,0.0,0.09887657920899337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11046523329654796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197977713678703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077210611990694,0.0,0.0,0.07503408806718534,0.07804707127857577,0.0,0.0,0.09496373834617497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10776833509298554,0.0685716909514878,0.1539252335276429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015519612444937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029507043689233,0.0,0.0,0.2365808023234041,0.10172794612519646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06482748428798743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20482751364199284,0.08063853710129366,0.0,0.21113487746670773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21487695737410306,0.0,0.0,0.08460273691923106,0.11591741490420927,0.0,0.0,0.11068984000819117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18633172662162828,0.0,0.11749406373528055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592010435777278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145092307405056,0.0,0.059686858391974615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156559980533227,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pleasedontstopnow,2019/06/13,"I feel unease when I see certain people, is this a PTSD sign? Without going into too much detail, I had a terrible time at school and knew some very shitty people. I can't really type exactly what happened as it makes me feel uneasy, but there was one particular person who caused me a lot of problems. I couldn't do anything about it and any attempt to stand up to him caused me to get in trouble, and this included being assertive and not being a push over. I could go into more detail, but again, I feel uncomfortable typing it. &#x200B; But what's basically the issue here is, after some time, looking at this person caused me to feel a mixture of stress, unease, fear, and aggression. Like, looking at him even when he did nothing wrong made me want to violently assault him. I was insanely hyper sensitive around him to the point I kept thinking he was looking at me. &#x200B; After I left the school, while I tried to move on from it and him, I sometimes feel uneasy about him to the point if I see anyone from the same school, I assume he might be nearby and become very uncomfortable and want to stay away from him. Even if he isn't even there. I'm worried that if I encounter him again, I might accidentally kill him in a fit of rage. &#x200B; Does this sound like a PTSD sign? He was so traumatizing to be around that even things associated with him even vaguely will trigger feelings of panic?",7.016875768757688,6.796924291512918,7.174819188191883,75.80139237392375,64.38745387453875,9.440688806888069,32.08880688806888,8.841846274778883,2.549768806888068,1117,38,206,15,15,361,141,271,0.252,0.691,0.055999999999999994,-0.9966,0,0,0,0,0,0,41.0,0,0,0,1,19,17,5,5,12,0,20,0,0,6,2,52,43,19,1,8,8,0,6,2,0,3,0,1,0,2,14,13,0,1,9,0,0,4,5,14,0,1,9,12,32,3,38,25,6,33,0,0,5,0,18,18,0,9,11,153,46,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27381773987923386,0.30707766783028434,0.05728519444047842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05890164717110289,0.0,0.06932126012105691,0.14998057850569246,0.0,0.0,0.07914501748797732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09303500924110553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259609002203307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06725773537647918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07371784088308578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27819428471101626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09479194032862194,0.2555616612307133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0440112360681614,0.0,0.0957495718881915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449199090770921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08792330120092623,0.0,0.0,0.09319762390885346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09152557768824147,0.0,0.0,0.08230953282236746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21221783793468926,0.0,0.0,0.07161671754921703,0.0,0.07970868051546226,0.05622997633499232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1787278652273871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895323907178544,0.06192512607301045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08082929014913696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057082313043282935,0.0,0.0,0.09883594656209402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168009950234964,0.14710794093926513,0.0,0.0,0.15926557127311752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08060504482393581,0.19694102961249174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053965458640262906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25576213940519416,0.1342546509878231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08331421340316067,0.0,0.0,0.08978722985381311,0.0,0.0,0.09649512900901594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055964439181689175,0.05397674791343016,0.0,0.0,0.09824050925961696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057192537515418675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1390114745617587,0.0993723178771012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120308623707757,0.0,0.0,0.08554847362008235,0.0,0.0,0.09210177799358872,0.30707766783028434,0.0 ptsd,dontfindmeirlplease,2019/06/13,"My Mother is crossing boundaries and I can’t cope. I’m waiting for my therapy which is in late October. The only time I feel safe is when I’m in bed. I secretly get food and drink (don’t care what it is it just makes me feel better just to know it’s there) and stay up on my phone which is my only way I can cope right now. My Mother walked into my room without knocking to me sitting with cereal, watching random animal videos late at night (she knows I do his. We haven’t properly discussed it, it she knows and hasn’t acted apon it within the last three years.) Today I’m scared to do anything. I’m awake and hungry and on edge, crying. I can’t not have this time to myself for the time being, and I have no other way of getting it.",2.9611013986013965,3.710058455128209,4.539627039627039,87.77506993006996,73.42307692307692,7.211188811188811,23.156177156177158,7.348242739294969,0.7842128205128205,573,14,125,6,11,193,92,156,0.055,0.885,0.06,0.2023,0,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,1,5,4,0,1,3,0,16,2,0,1,0,24,30,8,0,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,12,10,2,2,6,2,0,3,8,1,0,1,0,3,20,3,17,29,0,28,0,0,1,0,9,10,0,1,11,83,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14467713363957346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549017771981274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17925061131586614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19311967515307346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17222744415071572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777902313107556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21259086050063344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18370755151180654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898627034582533,0.14330909409747752,0.39664400137888695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735493247758495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498632681534312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26742374854014583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15014128127826873,0.0,0.0,0.17601706868707415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739069413917572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20105472907317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075497025476602,0.0,0.16664788014182833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791005224050737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1694751327219289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321625429864154 ptsd,Reddawg475,2019/06/13,"Sound Off Perhaps I am misreading this sub, but how many folks here are former or current MILITARY? It seems to me that there are not many veterans here who have been diagnosed with PTSD.",4.589047619047619,6.8625048571428575,4.46857142857143,83.80476190476192,71.85714285714286,9.23809523809524,28.809523809523807,9.725611199111238,2.8945238095238097,150,6,28,4,3,46,32,35,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,1,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,0,6,6,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,2,21,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3747149900399868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7485912609228978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4315574928438716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.336092146113994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Bear-14,2019/06/13,"CPR TO NO AVAIL I’m notorious for downplaying things I’ve seen, thinking it’s not as bad as some have experienced or, it only happened once others do this for a living there’s no reason I should be this bad about it. I was training to become an EMT, didn’t end up becoming one due to grade circumstances not being enough, but I lost a pt while I was training. Doing CPR and vents on her to no avail and her dead eyes staring at me. We also got there late and the family member hadn’t started compressions. I’m haunted by that experience and her death idk what to do.",4.050948275862069,4.917772370689658,5.425344827586208,81.9916379310345,70.98275862068967,8.558620689655173,26.568965517241374,8.841846274778883,1.855779310344828,449,14,92,8,8,151,82,116,0.228,0.741,0.031,-0.9763,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,11,1,1,1,0,13,19,10,2,1,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,7,4,9,0,14,9,2,8,0,1,3,0,4,3,0,2,5,65,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17347063867831344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36223784634097306,0.0,0.4791416233058394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19212650552577454,0.22413607897648774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121891305427331,0.20449262665447454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349053304473686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19182141076755965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24469491644886185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19154410564631574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23679352193900735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2310124448989747,0.14699043057399105,0.16497723797154992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230296219004161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15353690931142308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411183733761532,0.13899341133501072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,muellest,2019/06/13,"Daydreaming Anyone else experience dissociation and rumination which feels like daydreaming, imagining people screwing you over and you going through traumatic degrading experiences trying to combat the abuse? I feel like I can explain it to people as ""daydreaming about people being abusive to me"". It's not memories, it's daydreaming and imagining interpersonal abuse. Can anyone relate?",11.889915254237287,14.582288457627122,11.562500000000005,38.43663135593224,54.254237288135606,15.391525423728812,45.25847457627118,13.816669648895859,8.366115254237288,325,18,32,14,4,107,40,59,0.327,0.607,0.066,-0.9673,0,0,0,0,2,0,8.0,0,2,0,0,1,4,1,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,9,7,4,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,5,2,7,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,0,2,24,9,0,0.0,0.6567379571104003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583796485844594,0.18931041225424985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15434486874003506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3614652045171493,0.0,0.0,0.1868423476303268,0.2639878926647593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10500445201777248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053067432915493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842719367527127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125441209665671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sina_pancreas,2019/06/13,"How long does it take after distinct trauma to identify PTSD? Hi all, First off I'd like to throw out there that I've not been diagnosed with PTSD in any form, nor am I certain I ever will be. Apologies if that disqualifies me from posting here. 2 days ago I got into a taxi in Dar Es Salaam (I'm a dumbass I know) and was promptly kidnapped and robbed. The whole ordeal lasted a few hours and came with a number of experiences that I won't describe here because I see the ""please respect triggers"" rule in the sidebar and reckon descriptions would definitely be triggers for some people, but suffice to say the whole incident was proper traumatic. I've since been entirely unable to focus on anything, and am only able to get through more than an hour without starting to panic and obsessively checking all the locks on my doors with the help of excessive alcohol consumption. &#x200B; My question is, at what point should I start worrying about PTSD? I expect that anyone would be shaken up for some time after the fact so as of right now I'm not pursuing any sort of treatment, but is there a decisive point that I should start to consider it? &#x200B; Thanks in advance for any insights",9.874133333333337,7.919304702222222,9.232999999999999,68.9415,59.75555555555556,12.2,41.16666666666667,10.793553405168565,4.443533333333334,958,42,166,18,10,306,148,225,0.07400000000000001,0.828,0.098,0.669,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,2,9,7,0,2,13,0,17,2,0,3,6,40,29,13,0,6,6,0,0,1,0,6,2,1,1,0,8,12,1,0,5,0,1,3,5,3,0,1,6,2,12,4,36,14,9,33,0,0,1,0,5,14,0,5,16,116,20,0,0.11324461473893087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10038451817699903,0.12102405326940086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2454009855130626,0.275209204297138,0.2310306640373424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07918326769390352,0.0,0.09319066886362576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903286604633985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952167055174132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303340801337989,0.0,0.0,0.11494090017960155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991011255000302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102436237407912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11077496315255274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09632581144589633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916563720198511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09057206349915756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590547816547681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22304626825468649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06223627865798581,0.0923094755696156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05532559855500238,0.0,0.0,0.10021792044375034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861276325067361,0.0,0.13286815548082226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850955703321323,0.0,0.0,0.1243085802637835,0.214105529645167,0.0,0.10845703721707038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3971306835210935,0.0,0.12685988575520749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671028222898437,0.0,0.09005666294641199,0.0,0.0,0.0902412961172316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936771155496025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24046536353714565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08514585681748058,0.0,0.0,0.10426042635778204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603384554333849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25286713631534874,0.0,0.10916376746482843,0.0,0.0,0.11500540329179705,0.0,0.16089145032761934,0.0,0.275209204297138,0.0 ptsd,PermanentSelfSleep,2019/06/13,"How do I handle these nightmares? I'm sleeping like 3 hours a night if that. Most of the time I'll go over 24 hours without sleep. My area/state is weird about a lot of meds and basically won't give people anything stronger than an aspirin lol. I keep jumping out of bed to attack someone who isn't even there. It's weird, I can sleep through an alarm but got forbid I hear the slightest creak of the wood floor. I'm at a loss. I have no energy and I've been having headaches daily.",1.3407920792079224,3.391974019801985,2.3688019801980182,96.06864851485149,81.07920792079209,4.832079207920792,21.98118811881188,5.6839178017228535,-0.01410178217821789,380,12,85,2,10,120,78,101,0.157,0.758,0.084,-0.7227,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,4,7,1,1,8,1,8,4,3,1,0,11,15,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,6,0,0,2,1,6,1,12,12,2,10,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,3,5,48,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528878494917787,0.0,0.0,0.2285046471460325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13266462617497052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19268102222066896,0.1141520679887046,0.0,0.160644263086289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263812422753694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3956087783983647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17853156561238528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981289336502627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17076204623353092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231076408168569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849135869994024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392494489754981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6030083149902655,0.0,0.1701860897930477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712174865224427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19361966927333493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,srslymeowing,2019/06/13,"I want to help people like me Hi all! I was thinking about starting an instagram page to document some of the wins I have found to cope with my mental illnesses. I suffer from anxiety, depression, OCD and bipolar disorder. I think this could also benefit those suffering from ptsd as well. I know there is a lot to be said about influencers, but I want to help people know there are simple ways to bring light into their life as well as spread awareness of the struggles people with mental illness go through to find hope sometimes. What are your thoughts on this? I would love to hear any feedback and if you think this would be valuable for the world to have haha",7.419285714285714,7.334830293650796,6.695079365079366,79.12214285714286,63.52380952380952,10.057142857142855,33.87301587301587,9.606745405546679,3.0321396825396825,531,20,98,9,7,163,87,126,0.124,0.635,0.24100000000000002,0.9561,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,2,1,1,7,13,0,1,5,1,11,5,0,1,1,25,27,8,0,7,2,0,0,1,0,2,4,2,0,0,5,5,0,0,8,0,0,2,0,4,2,0,4,3,13,9,24,18,4,7,0,3,0,1,9,3,0,4,2,70,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12787736476539902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087420688127869,0.0,0.1223282208650242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767252271615456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13772744360567069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18326698137927405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14615186633111724,0.0,0.0,0.1753294902868309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09087868721366646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1802265212560168,0.0,0.2143642385567561,0.0,0.0,0.15882347677936712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17576112828168775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129468617273275,0.07812235752658704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359469947505312,0.1443220789152937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32229677335912965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3325776047974505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18692242562285893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210793106021386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815185783096464,0.0,0.11318281587340108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16716924747028242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073853528763716,0.0,0.12694809234532167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18863428036201715,0.1269265297069926,0.0,0.0,0.2875507323316856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.227186324843275,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,joet540,2019/06/13,I’m really not doing the best recently My gf broke up with me because I was too difficult to be around because I was overly anxious. I just feel like a failure as a boyfriend. Any advice on mentally getting over this feeling because I’m really upset by it. We were totally fine (or so I thought) for over a year. The day before she even texted “I love you” that’s why I feel so lost as to what I did wrong. Thanks in advance!,2.5717370129870107,3.961920102272732,4.465129870129871,85.44090909090913,75.25,7.755844155844157,28.48051948051948,8.418075326091056,2.045692857142857,331,14,69,6,7,113,67,88,0.23600000000000002,0.629,0.135,-0.8728,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,1,0,3,6,10,0,1,5,0,6,1,0,0,1,11,16,5,0,0,3,0,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,6,3,12,5,14,9,2,11,0,2,0,1,5,7,0,1,4,50,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20660004211690086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377484368023058,0.0,0.0,0.2388477338803816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1882112336384905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866443707535682,0.0,0.17990534299586575,0.0,0.22187532325061324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363503004803853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13964285253013756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32070536072181466,0.15104058477997412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045975574802963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10329056513218894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307931052214583,0.0,0.19081745052483576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130645881316114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708858879128891,0.0,0.20875463897978289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19464983010915046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16784619174272936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19077631128904735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23115778628382586,0.0,0.13614943635815674 ptsd,AloofNerd,2019/06/13,"Help letting go of anger after surviving domestic violence, infidelity, sexual, financial and verbal abuse. Hello! I am having so much trouble not being angry. He used me for so much money, i gave him everything to help him in his career and got him further than he ever would have gotten on his own. I bought him a boat and funded his schooling for captain's licensing and got a job on a yacht as the chef so he could be the captain. During the time we lived on a a boat together, nearly 5 years, he beat me, verbally abused me, cheated on me (i found all of this out when i finally left) and raped a friend of ours. He discarded me when he found another financial supply to buy him another boat after I said no. He had my ""replacement"" fly in 5 days, FIVE DAYS, after I left. He beat her too and eventually she left a few months ago. Since the day I left him, Friday the 13th of July 2018, I have been no contact, I never looked at his social media and i blocked him everywhere. I said no more. Every now and then he would pop up on ""friend's"" timelines and I would get so upset to see people who knew about the abuse continue their association with my abuser. I know he is not doing well as the only crew he can find is his cokehead best buddy to run the charter yacht I used to work with him. I guess my nex is also the chef, so I obviously was not replaceable, and the company he works for, which rehired him after firing him when i went public about the abuse could never find a new social media person. So I know I was 100% irreplaceable. I've left and moved to the other side of the world, Im literally living in the Philippines after leaving the Virgin Islands, I can't actually get further away. I'm just so angry that he took so much money from me, beat me and tried to control me when all i did was bolster his career, he cheated on me literally to ""Even the score,"" and skipped along like he had done nothing wrong. I have had other friends come to me and ask if my story was true because i guess he had a party on the boat and raped another girl and now the mutual friend is dealing with the reality that they ignored me and now he hurt another woman. I'm just so fucking angry. I get to have ptsd, can't date bc im so fucked in the head, and see my friends make the choice that it's easier to turn their heads than acknowledge what he did...and by doing so enabling him to hurt more women. I don't know what I can do to be less angry; I feel so betrayed and so scorned. I left everything in my life behind to heal and nearly a year later I still have so much hatred in my soul. What can I do to recover, is it just time? Please help, i'm so lost and so sad. I know I should focus on all of the good in my life as I completely turned it around, but i'm just so incredibly resentful.",5.121870537839122,4.803761155322864,6.462097413929875,79.65907663017613,68.33682373472949,9.598159606536573,28.8819609709662,9.259372276320047,2.220189528795811,2174,66,453,38,33,742,259,573,0.11699999999999999,0.816,0.067,-0.9802,1,0,0,0,6,0,64.0,2,0,3,10,37,26,8,1,32,0,43,10,2,4,8,71,83,49,0,7,9,0,2,1,5,4,3,2,0,4,14,29,0,3,11,0,5,6,11,16,1,1,24,7,77,10,65,49,13,69,1,4,3,5,67,32,2,3,32,311,91,6,0.0,0.37927997712834943,0.062476561535449726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05675193519081183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05119863645475151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26853199284051393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05699344976512065,0.05985223884121725,0.0,0.06015108920505233,0.0,0.0,0.039027419875543534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718748846890109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055149570831148576,0.06712619792423727,0.0,0.07180649022808124,0.10223324648263453,0.0,0.0,0.12386732477107636,0.06600421396390138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06551707459144608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042286147042749786,0.057911865416478775,0.053941576692217864,0.0,0.1150782891752277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032371615148136475,0.0,0.0,0.07013333625744379,0.11703050473706655,0.0,0.0,0.14039436689144588,0.24731747775353746,0.11837523016750645,0.1003470794796175,0.0,0.0363853671576172,0.05369889528106584,0.10240901627358782,0.0,0.141055635166237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13141076790859382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12873846054266636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707446292864095,0.0,0.13831021154510253,0.0,0.06353228655210619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073999923723712,0.0,0.0,0.06779040639998601,0.4173627118527579,0.06546717299158357,0.09044173412380507,0.0312780779407655,0.0,0.11306578571169165,0.0,0.05376263516294397,0.0,0.06988793917498325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042735404323309405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05110201527741448,0.06804560781895523,0.18825512461438754,0.0,0.09875593990119497,0.0618331680212638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06143115506772567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0486918690942156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04438502443924824,0.05590183159384282,0.0,0.07027729593076351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483868104619072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217997990265669,0.0,0.0,0.06479401884005251,0.10203502057458573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295993532747125,0.0,0.0,0.13052541164952433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051128317720259865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07466387428523404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711311674907545,0.043466961473296026,0.1392758273444936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105894794937464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05756376601111762,0.05934934397032793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09321804164374567,0.0,0.0,0.13643888511247926,0.06999837058445088,0.0,0.0824565666099667 ptsd,IndyLife317,2019/06/13,"Is my apartment changing who I am? Hi all. So long story short my girlfriend and I (of 2 1/2 years) have had some rough times that were magnified by 10 due to multiple lies. There was no cheating involved. But to keep it short we have been through a lot recently. We’ve been through therapy and I’ve had 3 sessions of EMDR that have helped. However no matter how good a session goes with my therapist I go back to my apartment and fall into the same depressive trap every time. All my bad memories are there. We are moving to a different state in less than a month but being at my current situation is eating me alive. I’m fine when I’m not there, whether that be with her somewhere or at work. My therapist thinks I’m a sense it is “ptsd”. I hate most moments I’m there and sleeping helps me get through them faster. Whether it be at night or me feeling down when I initially wake up for the day before work I am a mess. Has anyone experienced anything like this to a degree? I can’t stand the fact of going back home today. I’m scared and I think this is what is causing me not to be able to completely get through the issues the girlfriend and I are having because I am constantly reminded of them by where I live. Any help would be appreciated, thanks.",1.919725274725273,4.245954769841273,3.267777777777781,88.89730769230772,80.66666666666667,6.575335775335777,25.56532356532357,7.748469712250963,1.4754744810744804,990,40,203,17,26,322,151,252,0.098,0.789,0.113,0.7149,3,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,0,2,2,11,10,2,1,12,0,29,3,2,2,3,34,44,16,0,1,8,0,2,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,10,11,1,1,3,0,0,4,5,6,0,0,6,3,27,4,28,32,7,36,0,1,0,0,13,12,0,5,19,140,37,4,0.13901050545692026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453191058405437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971993775707208,0.0,0.1143938015283622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21378099617990964,0.11606796558383642,0.08473951387767482,0.0,0.11828770153632445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1428020813103114,0.1470546826381796,0.0,0.1457498701860376,0.15022097201212625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08965027596752702,0.0,0.1197295446559564,0.0,0.0,0.14523639132459526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224245109316172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712234632139375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07028788835736624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525450330842574,0.0,0.15800574749904633,0.11659541666850487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372440947048726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.279527434776236,0.0,0.13943887119710974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14509085163386984,0.0,0.12355892439702128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06791351127440065,0.0,0.12274882310898175,0.12301992292387467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181817606767561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11095685921813214,0.14774616786036954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13045194254142614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16249584193175512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13725610378637373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13917376654112587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625363244544047,0.13911089718147604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798219677431455,0.15897062787566746,0.322803822138513,0.0,0.17814463779719375,0.0,0.0,0.16211628724960506,0.0,0.13176570510139124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024026071595348,0.0,0.0,0.09874907467034973,0.0,0.0,0.08951820787580797 ptsd,neosick,2019/06/13,"feel like I lost something, irreversibly I know how much better ive gotten, how much more functional I am 2 years later, but will it ever really go away? Will I ever be as strong and confident as I used to be? I feel like I've been made fragile and quiet. i feel like a beautiful part of me died and I wonder if I'll ever be like that again. I was joyful and powerful and chaotic, I was outgoing, I did things just because I could. I want to be like that again, without fear. I want to trust myself to be able to handle things and laugh off shame. I want to trust others to be kind and to appreciate who I am. i want to be a whole human being.",2.5476470588235287,3.4678231764705885,4.637529411764707,86.03688235294119,74.58823529411767,7.792941176470588,22.423529411764704,8.238735603445708,1.0607582352941178,496,12,109,8,10,172,75,136,0.085,0.494,0.42100000000000004,0.9956,1,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,4,8,15,0,2,2,0,18,0,0,4,3,28,32,13,1,6,4,0,4,5,0,2,0,1,0,1,7,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,7,5,20,12,15,14,5,10,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,2,12,83,27,0,0.1470897468931392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13819565910448636,0.0,0.0,0.08966454446838604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300889280054874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11743919409253532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15265593479894424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3991532913353319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655168586385998,0.22311898674468586,0.3152428337111393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359449284391834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15317133660912086,0.08083667816326609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593031027094453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1605658342248245,0.0,0.0,0.1391798749915818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2162557766592971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15928386209407333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09422945830797147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11323687331319032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954397839460035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12703831477233407,0.0,0.0,0.34702937472602474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642204495284979,0.0,0.14178926709512785,0.15951255607708795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947209744723975 ptsd,pinetree1209,2019/06/13,"At what point do you tell a potential partner about your trauma? Not sure if this is better suited for r/relationshipadvice, but seeing how amazingly supportive and understanding this sub is, I was hoping for the perspective of others dealing with similar issues. For some background, I am late twenties, female. I was raped when I was 15 and dealt with PTSD for years (diagnosed at 18). I struggled and came close to suicide a number of times in my early twenties. I have overcome so much, and no longer have flashbacks. I still experience sleep terrors with varying frequency. I started seeing a wonderful guy a couple of months ago. It is going amazingly well, and I'm interested in pursuing a relationship with him. It is difficult for me to be vulnerable and share these parts of my life, but it is important to me that I do so. I have opened up in previous relationships, but this one is different and I want to make sure I do it properly. Due to the nature of my trauma, I am concerned it could affect how he feels during sex. I have spoken with him a little bit about the sleep terrors and he was sleeping over when I had an episode. He handled it beautifully and I felt so safe. I was able to fall back asleep within a few minutes, which has not happened in years (maybe ever). How have you shared your trauma in new relationships? Has your partner reacted well? Thank you for any and all advice. Much love.",5.101415094339623,6.816884754716983,5.9193867924528325,76.2232311320755,69.37735849056604,9.073584905660377,30.23113207547169,9.516144504307137,2.9250792452830185,1120,45,198,25,20,367,152,265,0.15,0.675,0.175,0.7751,1,0,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,6,0,1,15,23,1,3,11,0,26,9,4,6,4,43,43,22,1,4,6,0,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,3,14,18,0,1,4,0,0,3,3,8,2,1,8,4,30,15,34,33,7,32,0,0,2,3,22,14,0,4,15,152,44,0,0.11821827488795612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11552153001361365,0.10479336780562867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803924808011918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909025562102203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455445723218912,0.12906373791289294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13521021276404413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438767298945533,0.13080627261599864,0.0,0.0,0.12187785046245195,0.0,0.11998906053613854,0.0,0.12351293578071815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10693519776012267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564015714885666,0.0,0.0,0.05977471184507111,0.0,0.11350808299358606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718616996003934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11705467838977784,0.1045400300615712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741742130863705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338916491096462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335536329922434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835010636831044,0.0,0.11848576849289325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669660863599016,0.0,0.0789116164676596,0.0,0.11876614674107687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943606991474355,0.0,0.17380806882338642,0.0,0.0,0.11417594655148612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0801077625770806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12801887141686805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11175448129244417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.138190837062968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807665558260263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18840931862810892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3549109521367741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08367550343181693,0.0,0.09440926703429284,0.0,0.0,0.12358740885224045,0.0,0.12931160512498382,0.1341526973929134,0.22283865005216602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332798293346213,0.10883950439068928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06893402677335053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306939334975005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06972820145880321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21258485313666733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282026762620072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522573861789039 ptsd,jadekelly287,2019/06/13,"Emotional flashbacks make me feel like I’ll never get a normal nights sleep again Unfortunately the trauma I endured happened from 1am-6am approx 2 months ago. It seems like no matter how “ok” I feel during the day, my body just resorts back into that place of being attacked and feeling so confused and heartbroken as I was the night it happened. I’ve tried non habit forming sleep aides and I really don’t want to get a prescription bc honestly I can’t trust myself with one yet. I just want someone to tell me this will all go away on its own and I can forget my abuser ever existed but I have a haunting feeling it’s not easy ☹️ I can’t seem to find peace til the sun comes up and as a mom of two this is seriously starting to catch up to me. Thank god it’s summer at least. Please help. 🙏🏻",2.5491550522648083,4.296537835365854,4.016376306620209,87.13158536585371,76.1341463414634,6.636933797909408,24.519163763066203,7.447530270364453,1.0962505226480834,631,21,130,8,14,209,118,164,0.133,0.6659999999999999,0.201,0.8588,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,1,1,8,1,9,3,3,2,3,30,26,11,0,3,4,1,4,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,8,0,0,7,0,0,3,6,4,0,2,1,4,15,6,18,23,4,23,0,0,0,0,3,7,0,3,15,81,23,0,0.0,0.17766998244374582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13292443494305506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059337547376371,0.14088593661005874,0.11530472941317015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16656416408289454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12917137566208076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09670738743824016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867712979893168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564122458735095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3032833074179812,0.10712657251031564,0.0,0.0,0.13705447806292306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15668868140110598,0.0,0.08522184051276004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26520618080790337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10051044700377157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1465190859977656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10009490341852842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17562333692167328,0.11969118731129065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156531267568293,0.0,0.0,0.28144177836093603,0.14692226564761704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161214681888396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666914367388016,0.1646035473418536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960638385894573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27302346289018353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3001229228894541,0.0,0.1270548318342205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613762345036984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13106567746454614,0.1380567293862413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180835724990132,0.0,0.1464824551710592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17689252617013584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FRG2015_kd,2019/07/14,"Sexless marriage because of ptsd I’ve been married for over 18 years and most of our marriage has been largely sexless. We have been in therapy for over 10 years and less than a year ago, my wife revealed she was molested as a 5 year old. The therapist said that she has ptsd around sex because of this. I feel hopeless, like things will never change and I’ll either have to get a divorce or be abstinent for the rest of my life. I am really depressed because of this. Any advice.",4.195714285714286,5.5384846315789495,4.732330827067671,85.3063157894737,71.10526315789474,7.533834586466164,31.46616541353384,7.957251820313856,2.1863533834586484,380,17,74,5,7,121,66,95,0.1,0.8740000000000001,0.026000000000000002,-0.7902,0,0,0,0,1,1,8.0,2,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,5,0,11,2,0,0,1,11,14,5,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,4,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,5,2,8,1,15,7,4,11,0,2,0,1,9,4,0,2,8,52,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18574768660976287,0.1684978171570932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12926350030060546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16921487955233733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476199553121373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20108345315314266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1637188959368941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611207920877356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931093858183447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426180735974785,0.0928653417750181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14660434264224426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994609695531924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44439557357123055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217725478162779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18081321982366388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21737738798712056,0.22070193917712227,0.12628322853127558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4896309328425246 ptsd,anotsoseriousserpent,2019/07/14,"Can’t sleep due to awful memories / Need advice It’s been weeks now since I haven’t had a decent nights rest / sleep. I’m loosing my sanity and I feel helpless and hopeless. Every time I try to fall asleep, my mind is currently on a loop remembering all the fuck ups and terrible memories I have accumulated over the years. So I stay up restless until I’m so exhausted I pass out. It doesn’t help That I have social anxiety and depression too. I’m only on depression medication . So I’ve just been downing allergy pills and mixing melatonin drops with water lately (from time to time) ... but that doesn’t help either. I don’t know what do and I feel like I can’t talk to anyone close about this as well. Does anyone have a similar experience or can offer advice on how to stop overthinking ? Thanks in advance. I just want to be better. I feel a failure in every sense of the word atm even though I know better.",2.677950980392154,4.891579938888891,4.469411764705882,81.8779411764706,77.3888888888889,7.790849673202615,23.366013071895427,8.671277953709913,1.7656307189542484,719,23,138,16,17,243,112,180,0.14800000000000002,0.72,0.132,0.2258,1,0,0,0,0,1,20.0,0,0,0,3,12,13,1,1,7,1,16,8,3,1,1,27,28,15,0,2,5,0,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,6,9,1,1,6,0,1,3,6,8,1,0,3,3,15,5,22,24,3,28,0,4,0,1,5,11,1,1,13,88,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28592017156150457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11191707900420572,0.0,0.0,0.2045890296309546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587762501572184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25201140142585504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280258045156909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662802568588784,0.0,0.24652366898707975,0.0,0.0,0.1431068891119431,0.0,0.0,0.22191702097134827,0.10451486231693123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13524955075281414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961200714976828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16080240471636073,0.0,0.1650297929254732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07147349971634953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14737919766988944,0.0,0.0,0.1477186276405082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847763778014533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729016072456265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11126573373481312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16572638848909602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101868694663352,0.0,0.292806025889849,0.1491317335767269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1559335189360813,0.0,0.12231114267045876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758827531142207,0.0,0.13469095225966854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14373641217182478,0.0,0.2559214991240903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993263033750265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08628997261993811,0.0,0.11735091666224655,0.0,0.13153889511559072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421070248257672 ptsd,andro1ds,2019/07/14,"Ptsd? Common question but I need your experience please My Gp doctor thinks I’m experiencing ptsd - but am I? I’d appreciate your take on the following I’m (F42) 4 months pregnant and I’ve twice disappeared into an anger/deep despair state where I’m re-experiencing situations and emotions during and ind the years after my first pregnancy/birth of my daughter. During 5 years I was crazily wrongly over medicated with psychopharmatics, benzodiazepines and antipsychotics which all made me so sick that I hat to spend 6 months in a psych ward and had an awful lot of unnessecary electric convulsive ‘theraphy’ (didn’t work) and extreme ocd fears and anxiety. It was actual true madness and grief for thinking I’d hurt my child - an ocd induces by the meds. I don’t remember much of these almost 5 years - also means I’ve lost the first 5 years of my daughters (F7) life. It Took me 2 years to get off the meds that made me so sick and get an adhd diagnosed which I’m now reasonably well treated for. But I’ve never recovered. During this extremely traumatic time my husband (M39) together now 19 yrs cheated on me repeatedly w massage girls, one night stands and one affair w a call girl (hooker heart of gold) he fancied - we have since ‘worked it out’ (don’t want to go into details - v painful) but I had to confront him 3 times over 2 years while in process of going off meds and drag gradual truths out of him and he had been living double lives for years as a coping mechanism - (husband is adult child of alcoholic. He has since then also received an adhd diagnosis and is well treated for it.) I don’t want and ‘leave your husband comments please. I know it was despicable and so does he. It’s connected but a different story.we’ve taken 3 years in therapy to heal and we have gone a long way. This pregnancy was supposed to be different - it was planned and happy but twice I’ve had ‘episodes’ lasting about 3 days where a particular trigger immediately sets me back to then - I rage and I despair. I want a divorce and I can’t imagine having the baby I so want when I’m not like this. There are other things. I had a v traumatic and unpredictable childhood w sick parents (depression, anger anxiety). I’m very codependant in my husband. It’s problematic - there’s love and resentment but at times I retract from the world and can’t even go to the shop or pick my daughter up from school. These episodes can take months and I slowly train myself to get a level of independence back. So... common question - what do you think? It scares me. These episodes are so intense and I fear for my unborn baby. I wouldn’t hurt him but the midwife says he feels what I feel. TL;DR 4 months pregnant experiencing extreme maybe ptsd episodes over trauma connected to previous pregnancy / illness - is my doctor right? Is it ptsd? What to do?",4.0258818850666165,6.2733330747663585,4.994408431099623,79.52950089481011,73.39252336448598,8.216742891230862,29.700735732750047,8.962127807601751,2.682533107973752,2245,98,408,49,47,732,266,535,0.19899999999999998,0.731,0.071,-0.9979,3,0,1,0,1,0,66.0,2,4,0,6,21,28,6,3,23,1,33,14,1,7,4,71,67,46,1,6,10,8,2,1,0,1,12,1,0,5,25,31,1,0,13,1,2,8,9,19,2,6,18,5,45,9,49,47,4,69,0,7,0,1,36,22,0,5,36,243,70,6,0.0,0.0,0.07069757764788825,0.0,0.17413383046065484,0.0,0.0,0.07742354352431187,0.07254495543653462,0.0,0.0,0.11587127995742835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1108431312496098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141415810031552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07397623200952569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046722160523460204,0.0,0.062398279809452575,0.07353192648381561,0.0,0.15138286895566833,0.0,0.1483046373689503,0.06339863932982177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149284293441596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04785039526044565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07086682315914612,0.0,0.16304547079178447,0.07326250738765022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324633745978875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11355131058587005,0.0,0.12351947306253347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712091275379204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584974783126986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511148898521754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03981483927613641,0.059053770770355875,0.0,0.07671064800077933,0.0,0.0,0.05117128218715557,0.035393822732053985,0.0,0.12794361546507727,0.06411309418071304,0.0,0.0,0.07908418589378928,0.061591636318940275,0.06538602058586099,0.13710173349950264,0.0,0.0,0.07278249810365561,0.0789157494849916,0.24141602263964276,0.07298247906457536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23130521938142554,0.0,0.053256697243520695,0.053718347320610586,0.05587539997214301,0.0,0.0,0.06798636740644769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818358577491723,0.0,0.07708845011251299,0.0,0.08044354262732645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15904955278723668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33874549650601393,0.0,0.1623138809339626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07448732521803203,0.0,0.0,0.08206804535226649,0.06186912884777261,0.0,0.05761256357663828,0.07253183541057233,0.07331997897266121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11985740085637026,0.08143318265003442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894188011615373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284917267641823,0.0,0.04813040171107,0.13926285681321854,0.0,0.0,0.12673284796837145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049100515893752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977615617110245,0.17092388124742974,0.05750485820803854,0.0,0.0,0.130276657910078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054841939973506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792091484870199,0.0,0.37322665506671293 ptsd,iplaymusicloud,2019/07/14,"Please help me... Dear friends, I need some help... &#x200B; I am recently out of my own 20 year marriage, which I had filed for divorce as my wife was neglectful, spiteful, and abusive. However this post is not about me... (For context, I'm in my early 40's, she's in her late 30's.) I started dating a woman a few months ago that I am absolutely in love with as she is with me. She told me early on that she has some history of sexual abuse (she was raped as a teenager by a neighbor), and the last relationships she has, she hasn't picked the best of companions. (From what she tells me, I am the first person whom in her entire life treats her with love, respect, and appreciation.) She has a family history of addiction (alcohol, drugs), and she is a functioning alcoholic to help numb the pain of her past. She also has bouts of panic attacks which are triggered by certain events. Events which are triggered by sexual actions. (Orgasming, etc.) She's had mini panic attacks that last a few minutes in the past, and she's told me what I can do to help her through them. (Essentially hold her, talk to her in a calm voice.) However, recently the panic attacks have gotten really bad, to the point where she crawls into corners, screams and cries. I love this woman more than life itself... What else can I do to help her?",4.5856862745098015,5.745377313725491,5.483235294117649,80.98289215686276,69.98039215686275,8.960784313725489,29.46078431372549,9.2995712137729,2.5061372549019603,1025,39,200,21,18,336,132,255,0.187,0.679,0.134,-0.9479,2,0,3,0,2,0,60.0,0,0,1,2,3,23,5,3,15,0,22,13,1,3,1,21,31,10,0,1,1,1,0,0,3,0,8,2,1,3,13,11,2,2,0,0,0,1,2,13,0,1,7,2,41,10,35,24,8,31,0,1,0,5,46,12,0,2,17,144,54,0,0.0,0.24295105987566445,0.0,0.11176753962635097,0.0,0.0,0.09088235364410543,0.2191363968949729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198932016559761,0.0,0.11108595007990146,0.12457927121264124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34991145501104043,0.0,0.0,0.0856042122921506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10759381273889172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261905585616512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889661680863667,0.0,0.0856466016029089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434263623045395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09665158072870908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720783463288301,0.0,0.0,0.0792106714951429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3436022125441861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16714335150023052,0.11565282747833686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14483308167712602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775988344033906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08183459134483176,0.0,0.0,0.07602109476747793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10909398117750456,0.3608734966428784,0.0,0.0,0.19574370074563252,0.0,0.08952100067042973,0.0,0.11254181977155127,0.09691939960333966,0.0,0.0981907468457838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656802321923541,0.0,0.20246242083799307,0.11007363508797112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256782421902927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240582671159571,0.08961149434293304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1959343363459228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12457927121264124,0.06602283095483755 ptsd,anelmi,2019/07/14,"Panic attack because of co-worker who acts like my verbally abusive dad (tw verbal abuse) I have a coworker that reminds me a lot of my abusive dad. She is constantly screaming at me or other people, & loosing her temper. As of lately i have been getting panic attacks at work because of her. Yesterday was the worst one. My panic attacks include a lot of physical symptoms such as vomiting, chest pain, dizziness, & hyperventilating. Yesterday, when i had a panic attack it went black for just a moment. I went to the bathroom to throw up & then when i came out i almost collapsed. One of my coworkers came in and she went to go tell my manager. I felt like i was dying. She called the paramedics & they came to check me out. I didnt end up going to the hospital, but just going home insteas. Idk what to say to this coworker. She seems oblivious to how she treats other people.",3.9801344537815098,5.904572929411768,5.388067226890758,78.06058823529416,72.6470588235294,7.915966386554623,29.789915966386555,8.634040054169528,2.577109243697479,698,30,122,13,14,234,101,170,0.192,0.787,0.02,-0.9709,0,0,0,0,1,0,30.0,0,0,1,1,6,15,5,4,9,0,8,4,1,1,0,16,20,9,1,0,4,2,1,2,0,0,3,2,1,0,7,6,0,0,2,0,1,11,1,12,0,2,12,4,25,3,24,8,3,27,0,0,1,0,14,7,0,5,11,88,32,2,0.0,0.3234541464164133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09112160498642263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3943862732995353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4140945956032602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094337994723656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09291938979069493,0.31223327518612826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833678299147808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09444181909367312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059744180634429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08737259261876039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04754283100106211,0.0,0.15514921147593574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09127866657912437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10264999217481556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08891429912783334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15472691991745113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332554159412852,0.0,0.0968285562779512,0.4270673695193893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261734607625613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236546261412061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284139121883713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458202672566662,0.0,0.0,0.07953648340157199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25306887460342103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324956228851314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,abukharma48,2019/07/14,Fk ptsd I'm done for good. I cave live like this anymore. I'm done. ✌️😭,-5.668684210526315,-5.318549578947367,-1.316447368421052,112.96111842105265,123.73684210526315,1.9,10.013157894736842,3.1291,-2.4960631578947368,54,1,18,0,4,20,15,19,0.0,0.69,0.31,0.6597,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34505005983740616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7121001684421027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29182463207685944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699795412803147,0.0,0.3072258855893966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4067080048315764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway9fd328,2019/07/14,"Can't hear people tell me ""I love you"" anymore I can't listen to people saying loving or sweet things to me anymore because of trauma. My abusers would constantly tell me things like that and then they'd hurt me, over and over. Every time someone tells me ""I love you"" or any other similar sentence I get an episode and it lasts for the entire fucking day.",3.3779047619047624,5.350543171428576,3.962857142857143,87.43047619047621,74.42857142857143,5.80952380952381,25.952380952380953,6.42735559955562,1.00552380952381,282,10,53,2,6,89,50,70,0.115,0.66,0.225,0.8519,0,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,2,1,0,0,8,1,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,0,6,11,6,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,13,5,6,9,0,7,0,1,0,4,12,2,1,2,6,35,18,0,0.0,0.20624611571499812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183745045646385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3452640604274259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1061122948890244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881093170262592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11226163669148573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466626415734543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16092618178638501,0.09094510921594498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19619109141484894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863470078014736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189140410480738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08504248142963296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4713186380171475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24135834841111034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842854458449386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749011165646514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4564381643226018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23129057432994102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150241895284222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365531086907812,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thedevilisaredhead,2019/01/18,"Does anyone have any tips on how to get through situations where you must be exposed to a trigger for prolonged amounts of time? So I was planning to do research with my academic advisor in the fall, but I have to take a specific class first (taught by him). This class is first thing in the morning, two days a week. Now, there is a girl in this class who suffers from Tourette Syndrome. Her tics consist of very sudden, very loud, very shrill meowing sounds. One of the stimuli associated with the trauma I experienced is loud, sudden noises. To say that I was totally unprepared for what I was going to have to deal with in that class is an understatement. I have worked very hard for years to control my visible/perceivable reactions to my triggers, and I am at the point where loud noises, usually just make me flinch or cringe or grit my teeth or squeeze my eyes shut. I used to go straight into a full-fledged panic attack like the flip of a switch. By the end of that class there was so much cortisol in my bloodstream and I felt so anxious and stressed that I had tears in my eyes by the end of class, just like the old days of being exposed to loud noises I'm not prepared for. I have worked so hard to get past that, but at that moment, I felt like I was right back where I started. I know this girl cannot control her tics just as I cannot control my hypothalamus, amygdala, and HPA axis' responses to my triggers, and I get even more anxious because I don't want her (or anyone else) to feel hurt because of my reactions to her tics or report me to the dean of students for being rude or malicious toward an individual with a disability because that is not my intention at all. I have no intention. My brain does what it does, and I can't help it. In other circumstances I would probably drop the class for another one, but I need to take this class if I want to do research in the fall. I've already explained my situation to the professor, but that doesn't prevent me from being exposed to the trigger every few minutes, for 75 minutes straight, first thing in the morning, two days a week. I don't want to take my xanax that often, but I also don't want my stress response to be triggered every four or five minutes while in class because it is obviously very physically and mentally taxing, and I'm concerned it might affect my ability to learn the class material. Does anyone have any tips for how to calm myself down and get through this class? Again, I COMPLETELY understand that this girl cannot control her tics, that she has a disability, and that she is not doing anything of malice towards anyone, just as I have no malicious intentions involved with my reactions. I have no issues with her. I just need to get myself through this class, and that's my problem, not hers.",9.084028290282903,6.885793217712179,8.740378228782287,72.62177275522755,61.472324723247226,11.911562115621154,39.92650676506765,10.411451182825502,3.978571709717096,2212,94,425,39,24,713,223,542,0.131,0.8270000000000001,0.042,-0.9917,0,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,1,0,10,22,13,2,3,27,0,43,5,4,17,4,79,71,34,0,10,22,0,6,3,0,3,1,6,0,3,30,18,0,5,7,0,1,4,15,9,0,9,9,15,63,4,77,54,6,54,0,2,2,0,20,26,0,10,26,308,93,24,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08493869141256241,0.0615531583315616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10468495016635096,0.08071011953125924,0.0,0.17390916573851012,0.0,0.2152778238443349,0.07886521598052061,0.06334003691635971,0.0,0.0,0.0875648810065346,0.0,0.05918544540498714,0.0,0.1876816353884536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859243623775327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807019439409868,0.0,0.3453151543322105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891851779059315,0.07935304754182068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26942907585782033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0642988479277093,0.0,0.13634576207732707,0.0,0.0,0.05083818797507283,0.0,0.12970167335313942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03891851991844796,0.0,0.14780720651035598,0.0,0.0,0.1964128123785632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20106914620592609,0.0,0.08748804345928875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379006239932618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05159160083066903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08239834792589848,0.0,0.0,0.08033704427977112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04230088951826736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281147021345266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051378304010122534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07756800570891102,0.08165337417204657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05658206103964442,0.1141450733659004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08076743090373438,0.0,0.10431419766803908,0.0,0.0,0.09030811749489216,0.0,0.0,0.07347690516317572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07276185650929982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08298705191805172,0.07365022658095156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06573225539929993,0.0,0.06120990894418146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17303578891825994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054480007455959885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763385438466197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17361636459504004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227135622120062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04488202805545915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037768871126553,0.08012884526901322,0.0,0.06647766632515288,0.08477196244188348,0.3175429844741384,0.1815964185246509,0.0,0.12348193845367356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207065800915632,0.0,0.0,0.05467752580567521,0.0,0.0,0.04956637960959999 ptsd,skitzzxo,2019/01/18,"Hypnosis therapy was effective Has anyone here tried hypnosis to assist with recovering from trauma? I did when I was 18 (currently 21) and barely remember even going to the sessions but have improved tremendously because of the sessions. I was repeatedly sexually abused as a child by a family member. My boyfriend at the times aunt ran a hypnosis therapy clinic in Chicago. She offered a few free sessions with a great hypnotist there which was extremely kind of her because there was no way I could afford that at the time. I wanted to forget every memory of being molested and abused and pretty much trick myself into having no memory of it so I did not have to actually recover from the trauma because this family member is someone I see frequently. My family is super Muslim so bringing up something like this in the open wouldn’t be appropriate and I would be somehow blamed for it even though I was around 4 years old when it started. Even just bringing up a very small part of my trauma once to my mom when I was 15 years old resulted in her saying that “we don’t talk about these things”. Police involvement, etc isn’t an option or something that I wish to pursue. After the first session, I was already starting to disassociate with the memories. By the 5-6 session I was completely forgetting and could make myself believe that it was a memory someone told me about but never actually happened to me. I started to even forget I sought out hypnosis a few months after. I have not even thought about this since but recently had a dream about the same hypnosis clinic. I make daily entries in an online journal so I was able to go back to entries made 3 years ago and read my daily experience and pretty much watch my progression with disassociating the memories. Just wanted to share my experience of hypnosis being extremely helpful and was wondering if anyone else has ever thought about seeking out help in this way? ",8.102661971830987,8.320836583098593,8.683485915492962,64.42100352112679,62.04225352112676,11.945070422535212,37.18661971830985,11.505630337794996,4.7099830985915485,1557,69,244,43,20,522,182,355,0.096,0.773,0.131,0.9552,2,0,2,0,2,0,20.0,1,0,0,4,26,11,2,0,22,0,33,2,0,5,2,51,53,21,0,8,9,2,0,1,0,2,2,1,0,1,15,18,0,0,5,2,1,5,8,5,0,1,20,3,33,7,48,25,7,47,0,0,2,0,15,15,0,5,26,197,48,6,0.09303323137226346,0.22045833253911712,0.18157402722872715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08246834630753859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10266448423714204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010199701171854,0.0953235396995234,0.0,0.08281930011176486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07153681232661255,0.0,0.17013658302389234,0.0,0.0,0.10481659336142364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09754357306252046,0.0,0.0,0.14855893013563426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.077717327048017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10375664520415497,0.3072378595203904,0.0841538840292262,0.0783845099214993,0.0,0.0,0.1820087039191016,0.2631103523766357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913401907919904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10574585868103127,0.0,0.0,0.1025694660240791,0.0,0.0,0.08226897925552769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12471642786495238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09687979413485456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045451337558456484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08803029297386393,0.12420080871173365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10895939617984284,0.07425823769254028,0.0,0.13678025919882347,0.0,0.07175296335107857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19524545290238648,0.0990773551352516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007459235539471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892964847120111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930584074859236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185909236744977,0.0,0.10538851540018752,0.0,0.0,0.0739837596677102,0.0,0.0,0.0741354403506235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07695805037002244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15765351007494388,0.14324305340563614,0.0,0.0,0.19754820001410625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07477658734085464,0.0,0.0,0.2127832160013876,0.0,0.06180714503643564,0.0,0.0914046774677331,0.14771598759358112,0.10849685073319043,0.0,0.0,0.0888972394277408,0.0,0.0631634572400726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07676215911030303,0.10974682054254076,0.1476908974456548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698362474813122,0.0,0.10089057089126766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06608813831304734,0.0,0.0,0.17973105236829767 ptsd,chelmoore2,2019/01/18,"Flashbacks Was watching tv, seems like a simple task, but then (medical drama) during an episode a similar trauma occurs and it shows the whole ordeal, as well as what happens after (having to tell relatives that a certain person is dead, etc.) and just kinda went into a panic attack., having flashbacks and anxiety through the roof. This is hours after my most recent therapy session and now I just feel so mentally and physically drained. Just kinda sucks to continuously go through this after 2 years. I feel like I’m becoming a burden. ",9.315937499999997,9.056272885416671,9.352166666666667,62.20950000000002,59.72916666666666,11.43,38.99166666666667,10.793553405168565,4.604406666666668,431,19,62,9,5,142,71,96,0.22899999999999998,0.679,0.092,-0.9543,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,6,9,2,1,8,0,5,1,0,0,1,17,13,10,1,0,4,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,6,0,0,3,3,0,2,0,5,1,0,2,3,3,4,10,11,3,12,0,0,1,0,2,1,1,4,11,47,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698762506056722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25262673289611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2452492072828573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476569961453524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22456168324869827,0.15864060339084746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262025273861997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19636803250797855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2186856032033555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21697582277004854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237033501963736,0.22378551348738368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605410344248638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.193895320668318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192586974993103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20215622453797166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940913227183071,0.0,0.25394639543984154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19965973477747406,0.20585300610881074,0.0,0.24792345851885944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14300016625760228 ptsd,ellieisherenow,2019/01/18,"NSFW Missing Gap in My Memory So, I have this gap in my memory from when I was around 7-8 years old. My parents have filled in the more significant parts of the gap, but most of it is totally lost to time minus a trip I took that I only remember because I threw up on a stuffed tiger that I kept by me at all times and it got a bit discolored from it and I had to leave over it (totally... Sanitary?) Most of this filling in had to do with a number of disturbing things. From me seeing people in the shadows (not monsters like, living breathing people that radiated malicious intent), I wouldn't sleep, I constantly cried, I started peeing my pants, and a couple more things I think were genuine hallucinations. I even slept walked into my parent's bedroom and asked my mom if killing her would break her love for me (my parents aren't liars by the way, and they never told this story with a light heart). However, I remember one thing. A church, and I remember one person there: P. P was my brother's best friend at the time. He had a history of coming on to random people but never anything too serious. He would always come around with my brother, my parents filled in a couple gaps including one where I spoiled a movie for him on accident. P was in this church, and I was in the kitchen. I walked around the table, I saw him, and then my memory cut to a bouncy castle outside, but I can't remember anyone else. He was wearing a red shirt and khaki shorts, it was summer, and I had gone in with a crocodile ZooPals plate to get some grapes while everyone else was still outside. About the time my memory stopped being a worthless POS, he stopped coming around. I later figured out that he tried to come onto my brother, and when my brother declined he started attacking him. I tried to force myself to remember something about the church, but when I tried to remember past walking up to him in the kitchen, the details got extremely weird, like it was a mixture between what actually happened and a placeholder, like when you write over a deleted image and the recovered image is messed up to an extreme degree. This cause a panic attack the likes of which I hadn't felt before, and I tried to kill myself over it (obviously failed, thank god). I'm not saying I have PTSD, nor am I asking if I do, it just sounds a lot like PTSD and I didn't know where else to post this. Its been weighing extremely heavy on me and I just needed to get it out.",7.41,6.239236000000003,7.6975000000000025,75.49750000000003,64.0,10.833333333333336,34.791666666666664,9.928628108626363,3.2374791666666667,1920,71,370,34,24,630,232,480,0.12300000000000001,0.7829999999999999,0.094,-0.9498,5,0,1,0,0,1,59.0,0,1,1,3,19,24,6,2,33,0,30,11,7,2,6,72,60,30,2,6,10,9,1,5,1,3,0,2,3,1,25,31,3,3,10,0,0,14,10,15,0,3,27,7,58,9,65,29,12,73,3,4,3,1,31,33,0,7,28,267,83,1,0.0,0.0,0.06864292155300004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058529562082710665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04918424353453521,0.07207293198939904,0.05788486237083761,0.2504745334963553,0.13151916285335066,0.1600466729211163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04287937836356226,0.0,0.05985523019702454,0.0,0.07381881119845267,0.0,0.0767944361738313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07225984898200177,0.0,0.24237106340086625,0.0,0.07601391136546375,0.0,0.0,0.15566252947556405,0.07726656960999413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17628328672180907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046459737906464564,0.0,0.0,0.06721408700848862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0675386392461993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434548191161015,0.0,0.07350080878873454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251666061038122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06220254268160137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08335473013059758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15564436145079166,0.0,0.03865771614819637,0.0,0.0,0.07448123639006435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17182592940861122,0.0,0.0621126200625831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07678579307805182,0.059801622641425974,0.06348573219993722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238283193458731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052157151967081934,0.10850303007927398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381131823592714,0.0,0.1429951718368643,0.053497696869996766,0.0,0.08253031110581957,0.3124225734304447,0.07617272836700091,0.06714869062078145,0.1462973157853401,0.06141927382779984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06736748162679378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16445033420313318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4780976027649186,0.0,0.0,0.05593819213658072,0.0,0.0,0.05605287599723231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039205822386282,0.0,0.0,0.05415213743950953,0.0,0.0,0.09957580977462074,0.0,0.056174619987965975,0.11761688373893005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06476078028023131,0.0,0.0,0.14019481991683386,0.045071838260557336,0.0,0.0,0.16406621425528764,0.0,0.0,0.06721408700848862,0.07815172650419808,0.19102838909377293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558336169670544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09993682385183336,0.0,0.0,0.04529746431488633 ptsd,CcPerzina,2019/08/23,"I'm not sure if this is what I'm suffering from Hi, I did not expect this morning that I would be writing this post today, but here I am. My mother came in today, and raged at me because I didn't dare to go outside and talk to the neighbours. They're just neighbours, nothing wrong with them. And she's right. I yelled back at her, saying that I didn't want to, because of that problem that I am having and that that is causing my hypervigilance. She didn't believe me. I had to fix my problems. Otherwise I wouldn't be ""normal"" (everyone has to ""be normal"" here in the Netherlands). I seem to have PTSD, although I haven't been diagnosed by anyone. I just hope that somebody in this community can help me in any way or shape or form. Let's go back to, let's say, primary school (we have a different school system in the Netherlands than the US has, you join primary school when you're like 5 and leave when you're about 12). During my time there, I suddenly developed a fear of failure. Sadly, I didn't know how to cope with it back then, so I always cried when I failed. Some of my classmates thought it was funny, and found a way pick on me and trigger my fear of failure, causing me to cry. They succeeded in this almost everyday, for 5 years. This time and experience certainly left a mark on me, and possibly a trauma. After that I went to, let's say, secondary school (you join it when you are like 12, and my study takes 6 years. Currently I am starting my fifth year). I moved to a school in a different town, half an hour by bus. I just wanted to get out of my home town, where my primary school was located. During the 2 years after that, I kind of tried to forget what had happened in primary school. I didn't say anything about my bullying, as I basically got bullied. I also always denied that I got bullied when people asked me. The town, where my current school is located in, is my safe place. I like it there, I can feel safe. In my home town, however, I don't really feel safe. I am constantly conscious of my surroundings, hoping that not one of those bullies will show up. This is everywhere in my home town, even getting to the point where I don't even trust my own neighbours. So the feeling of hypervigilance is one of my issues. My second issue, is quite difficult to explain. I feel like I'm disconnected from reality. Like I'm in a dream. It's like I'm thinking, but then in a constant state. It feels like I'm not really there with my head. Is this a PTSD symptom? 'Cause I'm not sure. I also have difficulty on concentrating, which I' ve never had before. And one significant thing, I can't seem to remember much from the bullying. It's like I forgot. Are all these really symptoms of PTSD? Is it possible that I am suffering from PTSD? I would really, really appreciate it if you would take the time to help me get sense of my symptoms, and how I can help myself. Thanks",3.231664789366977,4.778969191709847,4.705786964030938,83.74317695426902,73.83592400690847,8.143590898851093,26.403882255763307,8.779410014580577,1.9219052789667344,2258,80,461,45,46,755,242,579,0.157,0.701,0.142,-0.93,5,0,0,0,0,0,89.0,2,4,2,3,29,32,1,2,21,0,52,5,1,7,5,79,91,33,0,15,14,1,5,8,3,5,4,5,3,0,35,18,0,4,14,2,0,5,16,12,0,5,19,10,79,20,65,61,5,74,0,4,0,0,27,34,0,10,38,316,114,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05754561720962825,0.0,0.0,0.0919138247710854,0.09563548808888107,0.0,0.0,0.039080018095619305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040182763797724834,0.0,0.0472910343833584,0.0,0.053724557663471215,0.0,0.0,0.1325673809128476,0.0,0.0700635735656467,0.0,0.04890079432403356,0.06474643756229033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572775847779344,0.0,0.17710552618325331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420437222318602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12625117692086907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05832852289537928,0.0,0.12008306541230593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07591376994906181,0.0,0.0,0.05491286615489768,0.0,0.0562144542489424,0.0,0.1293343168176029,0.14528702170185906,0.08210989677029212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063010385289813,0.0,0.0,0.09007353045164716,0.0,0.06532045563581533,0.0,0.09192436584779616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05081851220173098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05897845690313944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555819766875625,0.0,0.17293441683177913,0.11415681923860885,0.056594125086429636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996273157557208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059843783706754736,0.031582754258520834,0.0,0.0,0.060850014438526334,0.062438842482850365,0.17629390204340992,0.0,0.22460658908872694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061079088297995236,0.04224538418947441,0.0,0.04432264599079902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11261232188140438,0.05514182421020608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682483659835538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039840878988787964,0.0,0.060041532706152964,0.0,0.05432556761092664,0.12957243208288666,0.055038187177897054,0.0,0.0,0.1099776876411108,0.2687067426828061,0.0,0.0,0.061123990688602775,0.0,0.0,0.18407645472785936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06509972050524611,0.04907711617359512,0.0,0.1828025400303405,0.0,0.4652831798864279,0.0,0.10463290212903033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04067594575619792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832528601745704,0.1791928853429556,0.08641714221943232,0.0461903739486314,0.0,0.052908552624778775,0.0,0.0,0.038178997510501134,0.03682299249924506,0.0,0.04562294795587102,0.10052966347817346,0.0,0.10894535206004832,0.0,0.0,0.03901680744680529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0691265875318004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06779189664575247,0.09123039743345683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053273149244791436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247025161767595,0.06283192691905785,0.0,0.14802930193877162 ptsd,glitterpoptart,2019/08/23,Woke up not knowing who I am I had a great day yesterday I was present and interacting with the people around me and I felt great. This morning not so much. I woke up feeling completely lost and alone. I don’t know who I am or why I am even alive. I feel myself depersonalizing even though I am just laying in bed. I feel like I need to shave my head or get a tattoo or something because I am not a person right now. I hate not knowing who I am and doubting every single little part of my personality like what if it’s all a big fat lie and I was never real in the first place. I feel like a fraud like I am lying my way through everything when in reality I am just a piece of shit.,1.315590094836665,2.9496497054794517,3.742054794520549,88.23713909378294,79.34246575342465,6.410115911485772,22.189673340358272,7.321109707123232,0.6418257112750267,531,16,121,7,13,185,87,146,0.147,0.7020000000000001,0.151,-0.1171,0,1,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,9,10,2,1,8,0,12,3,3,0,2,30,26,12,0,2,10,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,6,7,1,0,8,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,7,5,24,6,11,19,5,18,0,1,0,0,6,10,1,5,11,89,30,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15569791790318496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382675371287864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09164058201877494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15761953688205266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695126974256127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19858484822653788,0.0,0.1266606272935532,0.0,0.1351081038840501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040481448707814,0.21479346104094613,0.14434164965733878,0.0,0.0,0.12787175051383726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07854191400748127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33148163893058513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14842106287687729,0.15428331277190244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2478544985400997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29377717267100656,0.15067148377572506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16410440255881792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051082317697804,0.11146877462119996,0.11594478752652396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16279417817870845,0.0,0.10422081412251216,0.2625270335324185,0.1570642410163619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17110996259721625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283821324282684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15431294752742622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11573240055957465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14769976615561567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932601055201356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356506406741364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,officerfluffybottom,2019/08/23,"Fantasies about being raped So I was in an abusive relationship/marriage (I know it's a long story but I'll get to the point) for about 11 years, We met in highschool and he was cool at first, helped me get over a bad breakup and started out as just a friend, and then we got serious, after highschool ended we move into our own place, and that was when he started changing, he'd call me names, tell me how stupid I was and how fat, and that no one would want me but him, I told him that I thought I needed therapy and he said ""you're just saying that because your mom has depression and you want attention like her"" HE WORKED AT A MENTAL HEALTH FACILITY! So after about 8years of dating and 3 years of marriage where it got increasingly worse he started spending his nights watching porn and then in the wee hours of the morning coming to bed and then proceeding to tell me that he didn't want my physically anymore just emotionally... He told me I was too fat and unnatractive to be wanted by anyone and that the only way someone would want me was if they raped me. SO? I started wishing someone would rape me, all the time, I'd wave at passing cars, bend over when someone whistled at me, go to bars with friends and sit in random guys laps, I did this all because I just wanted to be wanted, I needed someone to want me, physically, and so I started cheating on my husband with friends from highschool who (besides one) were comeplete jerks and just wanted an easy fuck, they were dominant enough that it made me feel like this is what I was supposed to have... I'm a bit messed up now sexually, I have a boyfriend and he's amazing, never treated me bad the entire year and a half we've been together, but sometimes I wish he'd hurt me because I feel like I need it. I don't know how to get passed this point in my life, he knows I have a rape fetish now but wont indulge because he doesn't want to hurt me. he lets me be the dominant one because he wants me to feel in control but it only makes me feel worse. I'm at work typing this now in tears because I've never laid it all out before, not to anyone, not really in all the context. Sorry for wall of text (TL;DR bad relationship makes me think I need to be hurt in order to be happy)",5.8681978021978045,5.291714808791209,6.316351648351648,82.19364835164838,66.84615384615384,8.862417582417581,32.04615384615384,7.9765259561132025,2.099007032967033,1758,63,366,18,25,571,210,455,0.184,0.718,0.098,-0.995,0,0,0,0,0,0,47.0,4,2,2,4,22,27,8,0,18,1,32,11,2,7,6,85,80,37,0,21,13,2,4,3,3,4,4,2,1,1,19,27,3,1,10,2,1,7,9,17,0,5,20,8,56,10,51,47,8,65,0,4,1,6,45,27,1,2,31,236,75,6,0.0,0.08202597709914282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06865734614103483,0.09681415353663196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17341194133484292,0.253211013657068,0.0,0.058909449752910015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07558099708570262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069135291800148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323593514194471,0.059635331507264286,0.0,0.0,0.07764709288918277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962751413073085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07787419234094345,0.061317042824477634,0.07153287629680058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400186417910873,0.09891554738260888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058886821486792924,0.0,0.0,0.16046028519637168,0.06400182256088227,0.10850911911671456,0.0,0.03934488337364343,0.0,0.1107387699082307,0.0,0.0,0.06854837345728126,0.0,0.07369639562251162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0735880262885087,0.0,0.0,0.04640326694897014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06817739495185225,0.0,0.2223357565997436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11414064131897562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07079214770591526,0.048899045951584286,0.10146653104256373,0.0,0.0,0.06126618299253535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550689839971256,0.09242284084931128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06976734231262971,0.0,0.0,0.08108108986262418,0.0,0.0735803074936128,0.0,0.20533203951907575,0.10678855928635657,0.0,0.0,0.06496746537892394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14073568612975187,0.10530474530916267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07233039264359074,0.0,0.1308890515875049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04435037430529082,0.0,0.0,0.14865376550431286,0.0,0.0,0.0658533809329755,0.05505430533123805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2346326955859069,0.0,0.06847002957970323,0.07749707866068857,0.24500599793929745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12101977059174232,0.0,0.07917029491146525,0.0,0.0,0.04435965215640554,0.0,0.054960717864354,0.040368445551908085,0.0,0.0,0.13230405658054306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4491687428336049,0.05495138256785823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922167699452094,0.0,0.0,0.1008002189700261,0.0,0.14110213491176962,0.1475365632323052,0.0,0.0,0.13374513919042694 ptsd,OfficialNeeuq,2019/08/23,"♡ A fun & aesthetically pleasing Discord server ♡ **Invite:** [https://discord.gg/CPPdQNC](https://discord.gg/CPPdQNC) &#x200B; At 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒚 𝑪𝒐𝒓𝒏𝒆𝒓, we make sure that everyone is having a good time. Whether it means having friendly discussions in the main channel, sharing funny memes or having deep political conversations, there is a way for anyone to have fun. ♡ - we have two venting channels. One is for regular venting, whilst the other one is for more triggering subjects. ♡ - we have a selfies channel that is only accessible by active members to ensure privacy. ♡ - we have a taggable role called 'Emotional Support'. so if you ever need advice, encouragement, anything, you can tag this role and get some help! &#x200B; Our goal is to have an aesthetically pleasing Discord server that spreads positivity as well as fun. Although it has a very cute and innocent look, we appreciate midly offensive memes just as much as you. So come join us and be yourself.",7.413477088948787,10.512539157232704,7.095889487870622,64.41693396226415,66.23270440251572,8.819586702605571,36.51437556154538,9.424239791934726,4.175675292003596,782,40,106,17,14,246,107,159,0.044000000000000004,0.644,0.312,0.9934,0,0,0,0,0,0,50.0,7,3,0,1,6,12,1,0,9,0,17,0,0,2,2,20,24,13,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,10,11,13,23,4,9,0,0,1,0,19,4,0,3,3,76,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13959620749523294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4643498482177657,0.34716881019943496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09988750522789737,0.0,0.117557454932153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587087995335812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12305689344162572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16069259525428858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12922048429679464,0.0,0.13650403025380595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11036938292538608,0.0,0.07463581723061655,0.0,0.0,0.11981995752545214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957526642672751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11996218223788505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09535679093676733,0.0,0.0,0.15561092403398147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10501482813184654,0.10592513812123566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19360442759667687,0.10864762964240983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3136236814315551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16211010864467795,0.13463910332114673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329987235972867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13954853220893831,0.0,0.17183692013391014,0.0,0.0,0.11787029785168394,0.0,0.1133916129618434,0.0,0.0,0.12844375964079013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34716881019943496,0.0 ptsd,Cyber19,2019/08/23,"Can anxiety attack induce you ptsd? I'm very scared that I may have PTSD because of my anxiety. Is it possible? Thanks for the help.",0.6600000000000001,3.166710769230772,2.8296153846153835,86.35288461538461,95.15384615384615,7.2153846153846155,21.884615384615387,8.07648339933343,1.9244923076923082,104,4,20,3,4,35,23,26,0.299,0.535,0.166,-0.5351,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,12,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4130081191802016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307096758481723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1645534750685082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18093570387880825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043178200486706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6310929636120546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2702579454937031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24852532499202185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22272952373073573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,vindikater,2019/08/23,"It's almost impossible for me to sleep alone Bear with me, because this is a very long story. I just feel that the details behind the situation are important. During my spring semester of junior year in college, I slept alone in my campus suite many times because two of my roommates were studying abroad, and my other roommate would sleep at her boyfriend's a lot (there's 4 of us total). I never had any major issues with sleeping alone in the past, but starting in around February/March, I would hear extremely disturbing noises that sounded like it was coming from one of the other apartment units near me. When I say extremely disturbing noises, it was pretty much the epitome of a girl getting raped by her boyfriend (the noises were so detailed that I could even hear the conversations and name of the boy, and it just sounded like it was a relationship). The first night it happened, at around 3am, I tried to ignore it because I couldn't tell if I was actually hearing what I was hearing (I was also really high and sometimes my hearing is altered when I'm high), but when I heard the loudest coherent scream, I immediately jumped out of my bed and tried to see where it was coming from. I roamed all the hallways on my floor and the one below me (I'm the top floor). Literally no sound from anywhere. The noises were pretty consistent, I got many of my building's RA's involved, and it was just a really black and white situation where they couldn't do much about it. The sketchy part was that when I described the situation to the RA's, they all gave similar reactions, the ""Oh, I think I know what you're talking about"" type of reaction. Because of confidentiality reasons I guess, they really couldn't do or say much to me, other than that ""they were there for me if I needed to talk about it."" It was frustrating, but I kind of just let it go for a bit and continued hearing the noises. I started to think I was maybe crazy or even schizophrenic, I was getting absolutely no clarity or solution to what was happening. It sucked because there really wasn't anything I could do. The worst nights where when I thought this girl was in real danger (her screaming things like ""somebody help"" or ""please stop"" at the top her lungs). I would up crying traumatized by the noises and my helplessness. Every time I called the RA's, nothing would be resolved, I didn't even know if they checked the halls to try to navigate the noise. So, a lot of this continues, where I would try to ignore it certain nights (this wasn't something that would occur every single night, but at least a couple of few times a week), hear too gruesome things some nights that resulted in me calling the RA's, and then nothing really getting done. I lost so much sleep that semester. Throughout all this, I mentioned it to my roommate and asked if she could stay with me a few nights instead of her boyfriend. She doesn't have the best hearing, but when there were extremely bad and loud screams, she would hear it as well. She even cried the first time she heard it because it was disturbing and distinct. We had absolutely no idea where it was coming from. This experience is what traumatized me the most: when I was alone in the apartment one Thursday night, many students were going out, and typically they'd come home around 2-3 am ish. During this time, I hear some girls in a suite near me, and I have never heard the loudest cries for help in my life, along with a guy's voice yelling ""shut the fuck up"" and loud and consistent banging. The sound was so loud and clear that I was almost sure it was next door. I broke down and thought I was going to die or something (sounds dramatic, but damn it was fucking scary), but my resident director, who lives across from me, knocked on a door and I could hear her yelling to open the door, and then another man's voice. I thought the situation was gonna be taken cared of, but an hour passed and I STILL heard screaming. I called my campus police. I have never called my campus police or 911 before, but I actually thought my life was in danger. It was a very scary moment. The police show up, and they get some info from, I tell them how I've been hearing concerning noises the past few months, but it escalated extremely tonight. I also told them I heard my RD get involved, but the noises continued for a bit and stopped again. They tell me to get some rest and that I would get an update the following morning. I heard them knock on my RD's door, and they went inside so I couldn't hear what was discussed, but they literally didn't even knock on any door around me. They did, however, go immediately downstairs to the suite below me, and I hear them knocking for what felt like hours, banging on the door, screaming at the boys' suite to open the door. It was SO loud and clear, I also heard a girl scream, ""just open the fucking door."" I didn't know if campus police didn't have a right to go into the suite or whatever, but the whole situation was just fucked. I didn't sleep that night, couldn't study for my Accounting exam, and couldn't even make it to my class because of how sleep deprived I was. It was really taking a toll on my daily life, hearing the slightest banging noises in any environment made me so jumpy too. I never got an update on the situation from the campus police, so I call them myself in the afternoon, and they literally said that THE NOISE COMPLAINT WAS FROM A TV. Wtf?? None of it made sense. Then, one night AGAIN, (I was probably seen as the crazy resident of my building by my RA's), intense noises occur, and I call the RA on duty. He comes upstairs and stays for a bit, and hears some of the noises. He literally looks at me, points up the ceiling, and goes, ""these are coming from upstairs...you live on the top floor..."". I'm lost, and he goes ""I don't wanna freak you out or anything but...you have been reporting these noises a lot at 3am. 3am is witching hour...you have, like, a LOT of mirrors in your suite...those are portals for spirits...the full moon was last week, when you called the police..."" So, as he's saying all this I'm like what the fuck. I'm not a firm believer of ghosts, but everything he was saying was freaking me the fuck out. He suggests I buy some incense and holy water, bless my room, and this guy literally asks if I want a hug and leaves. (that part was kinda funny tho lmao). So I live the next few weeks of school believing I was truly being haunted by a bunch of ghosts. This all happens close to the end of the semester, so I was moving out soon. This entire experience was extremely traumatizing for me, especially that one night where I called the police. Still don't know whether it was spirits or real people, but I have an irrational fear every single night that my place will be invaded or that I will be choked by a ghost or something. I rarely slept alone after moving out though, because I spent a lot of time staying at my boyfriend's place. But the times I did sleep alone, I would always hear the SAME noises, or I just could not fall asleep because my heart would be racing so much from fear that I wasn't safe or something. When I would sleep with my boyfriend, I would still get jumpy from any slight noise, but having his presence obviously made things much better. I interned in another city this summer and got a place alone (yeah sounds really stupid now that I think about it, but I don't think I understood how bad it was to actually sleep alone after the experience at school), and every time I would sleep alone, I would be scared out of my mind and couldn't fall asleep for hours. I got lucky because my boyfriend moved to the same city full time to start his job (he's a year older), so we were able to spend a lot of nights together throughout the summer. Now that I'm back home, I have not been able to sleep alone in my room because I am the only one sleeping on my floor (parent's master bedroom is on the third floor and my older brother has already moved out of our house). I've been going upstairs to my parents' room every single night to sleep with my mom since my dad is out of town on a business trip right now, and it's so embarrassing. Thankfully, my mom is the sweetest and most caring woman on this planet, so she takes it all ready well and is understanding. She was actually the first person I called before calling the police the night of the incident. Last night, I went upstairs to sleep with my mom again, because I thought I heard footsteps near my bedroom (we live in a house, not an apartment btw), and was almost convinced we were having a home invasion. I had to call my mom to come downstairs so I could go up with her (damn, typing it all out actually makes it sound so much worse), and slept upstairs again. But the scary thing is, even when I had earplugs in last night, I started to hear the same girls' voice in my head. It sounded so real, I even got scared for a second that it WAS real, but obviously it wasn't. That also wasn't the first time it happened, where I think about the noises before sleeping, and I hear it again just by thinking about it. So, given the past situation/incident and what's been going on with me after it, does it sound like PTSD?? It's taken a huge toll on my sleep when I'm alone. The only thing is that it hasn't really taken a toll on my daily life after moving out, as this is only something I fear at night, alone. I guess my biggest fear is a combo of having my home invaded and coming across a spirit of some kind. Not really sure what to do, not really sure what I wanted to get out of this post, but glad I got to really write out in detail what i've been going through. TLDR; I consistently heard disturbing noises last semester at school and can't sleep alone now because I have developed a fear of a home invasion and ghosts.",7.289804833009647,6.296385953198133,7.1701913994927144,78.6055777802541,64.14300572022881,10.178672779564243,32.57096692030946,9.23628265651192,2.596965513069503,7720,249,1538,112,98,2462,526,1923,0.147,0.7859999999999999,0.067,-0.9995,5,13,5,0,2,0,258.0,6,3,17,13,95,72,14,12,126,1,153,39,25,10,21,274,291,140,5,37,55,8,2,7,0,17,5,57,19,12,104,97,1,6,23,2,5,30,37,45,2,13,116,64,208,27,202,136,55,258,3,5,5,8,134,117,9,41,114,1051,312,19,0.03974556287881509,0.0,0.09696484000837677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059699159982705724,0.2675687073010428,0.021930108486401454,0.06356902454902415,0.016535746132916033,0.0,0.0,0.054056691382039945,0.04167668815790501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03270721170783191,0.07076395502162428,0.03715673603508921,0.0,0.0,0.015280942253313229,0.03318588483054006,0.1574854204686652,0.0,0.0507308199162632,0.04477963885313015,0.02085525806747571,0.017575860238702057,0.06508779097969739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22321564935781152,0.0,0.04052325025786024,0.0,0.0,0.1369491324297982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520079349854296,0.021988854676360463,0.06548795177178825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020624809626546246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.017390804957936417,0.020336755094858397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01760138580128062,0.0,0.0,0.10500627772850528,0.0,0.08371837734368105,0.0,0.017860374553395057,0.058318180606577986,0.0,0.11181202040723726,0.010048275406036087,0.0,0.019080986650123054,0.0,0.0,0.06761511096137983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11023239728999036,0.09344437274956,0.0,0.10164743694398967,0.0,0.09536447238136772,0.0,0.04378421846539503,0.03935435603852118,0.07029373998399807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020395207054416217,0.0,0.4255633108475069,0.023549341689409985,0.02664061299716129,0.041993369364294035,0.09967010055641493,0.0,0.07828274660334983,0.04586104322073222,0.0,0.02243395132182063,0.0,0.020742020712031458,0.01972066915813176,0.0,0.0,0.04138888752628566,0.04368624384385955,0.06479587703169291,0.0,0.021042406141214245,0.0,0.020321265443930387,0.056146932954489984,0.06796186038831513,0.0,0.0701921203889229,0.017586786213913578,0.016688131321201612,0.0,0.043386976965896405,0.1013707687343694,0.0,0.05641231890516185,0.026530471850962817,0.06044364366952445,0.01996488003925762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.020065844160622025,0.09309904575441397,0.015862264547540937,0.10560810827743726,0.10226146664652393,0.014735415630221403,0.06130845665674362,0.0,0.042269857025199774,0.31703740574974315,0.0,0.03813693952598171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079786608981182,0.045342437359493414,0.0,0.0,0.04413274400667523,0.04304057142092883,0.056912455608015965,0.013777284433547428,0.01735214622397728,0.06228848069478614,0.02181434633620568,0.01878620191086345,0.0,0.019032631274779492,0.040435526235537055,0.021426219562176337,0.0,0.02323021803933399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09047830393434993,0.14004113927909478,0.02043252912678584,0.0,0.02133593008508561,0.0,0.03394249353244205,0.018903565970035403,0.06321453374263415,0.039792242111198486,0.06033694732153811,0.0158360338695213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.016438970166334922,0.13402703384877915,0.33808126651643394,0.0,0.0,0.0764951902415666,0.0196546889892797,0.0,0.05626422794982956,0.06354522257010416,0.047611286784687484,0.03322907025518571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05618958396580119,0.0,0.029883716888537942,0.031945977906828,0.05210906071902231,0.018296187157015968,0.0,0.0,0.0660129647538526,0.07640205551176515,0.01952490686459541,0.07888384325830962,0.11587978669993496,0.0,0.0,0.018989294294693,0.0,0.05396925645489541,0.0,0.019412819838219315,0.020688266329702856,0.023904509200566228,0.0,0.0,0.03279425186709957,0.023442962757950825,0.0,0.04782223968898525,0.0,0.03573603427826658,0.036844534982416695,0.0,0.022187250779158958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02025206206597229,0.1976387525924116,0.0,0.0,0.02559483938449088 ptsd,maddiokii,2019/08/23,Nightmares Had a traumatic accident and since then every night I have nightmares. I am going to psychotherapy but not as much as I think I should be and idek if it's helping cause I'm still getting them on a daily basis.,4.850378787878785,5.834918431818185,5.952727272727272,78.50742424242426,69.22727272727272,8.593939393939394,30.57575757575757,8.841846274778883,2.50749393939394,177,7,33,3,3,59,36,44,0.109,0.821,0.07,-0.1531,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,1,0,8,9,7,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,5,0,4,6,1,5,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,3,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206450015988484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450014810958229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21393448966489526,0.0,0.23271484315741675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27446336255390297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30101222840790864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3842658109419919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33872306386165696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270083379296602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623759078419535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,flightrescue1,2019/08/23,"A box to store the bad shit in So I was raised in a cult and was physically and sexually abused as a child. I’m also a flight paramedic on a helicopter and a few years ago, 4 months after I got back from the Middle East on a contract assignment I lost my partner, my pilot, and nearly a good friend when my helicopter crashed (I was not on board). Ever since the crash, shit got crazy for me and I was diagnosed with CPTSD. The stress of the crash was a catalyst and all my trauma from childhood, my job, and the Middle East came screaming to the surface with nightmares, flashbacks, disassociation, and anything would set me off into violent rages. I mean 0-60 in a flash. I’ve been working with my therapist and working towards EMDR but I guess I need some sort of imaginary box to lock up and store the bad shit. My therapist said that I need to imagine a safe place to store this stuff where I can recall it and safely place it back in the “box” when I’m done with working on it in EMDR. my problem is that this imaginary box is hard for because visualizing this and working it the way she wants me to work with it doesn’t seem to work. Do any of you have experience with this and can give me advice....or even know what the eff I’m even talking about.....",4.7949851778656125,5.196733169960474,5.6416971343873525,82.77819787549406,69.0790513833992,8.696541501976284,29.25123517786561,8.660442795831766,1.996557509881424,984,34,206,15,16,323,135,253,0.159,0.7929999999999999,0.047,-0.9711,1,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,0,1,0,7,11,16,5,1,22,0,15,4,3,0,2,39,31,19,0,5,2,0,1,0,2,1,1,2,0,2,13,21,0,2,4,0,3,1,2,12,0,0,12,3,24,4,37,18,3,35,0,1,0,0,8,22,3,4,10,139,37,8,0.0,0.13544967505881308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133716046329763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914211016853076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07774104313646621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09407504200661786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580896803097573,0.19090367820698506,0.06968798327491661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13075082244289318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11603168154633828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169883331491068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510136369390098,0.10340835037090933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11182621005873623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832280641787138,0.0,0.0,0.10966548798129852,0.0,0.09588560371559277,0.18286317250878886,0.0,0.12593559573813054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024076368319435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344426397592408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06282689673204901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12479301864883513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452722988630732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09124857337029886,0.0,0.0,0.16953262256422927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23887867056089265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938812947881917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10874383170242033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10407199579595906,0.0,0.0,0.35204135120588315,0.09456610503873547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13095237015461772,0.0,0.13086824609744402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09188552177340424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654670333693577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742848414943632,0.0907413380014062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4993548649415573,0.0,0.0,0.08120914965330987,0.0,0.0,0.07361788011027696 ptsd,ZEE5Premium,2019/08/23,PTSD Facts How is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder detected?,6.463333333333331,9.636767,5.831666666666668,61.26750000000001,101.22222222222223,15.133333333333335,37.833333333333336,10.125756701596842,8.470733333333335,49,3,6,3,2,15,9,9,0.605,0.395,0.0,-0.8481,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5172560332620371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4322433239840194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5275732250170223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5169897457110796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sket0,2019/08/23,"What can I do to help/be there for people in my life dealing with PTSD Just looking for advice. My partner of 2 months and a friend who I have known a few years but am just getting close with are the people in question. I want to be really sure that I don’t try to take on their trauma and keep in mind that I’m not going to cure them. Just now thought about texting my friend something like “hope you’re doing alright” but I don’t want to invalidate them being not alright if that makes sense. I guess I’m just looking for some guidelines for how I can do the best I can to help these people, how I can be there for them, important things not to say, etc. Thank you.",3.9093492063492055,4.22060101428572,4.468095238095241,90.73468253968257,71.0,7.079365079365081,25.555555555555557,6.42735559955562,0.6813888888888893,522,14,118,3,9,166,82,140,0.024,0.7140000000000001,0.262,0.9871,0,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,4,1,10,10,0,0,4,2,15,1,0,3,1,29,30,7,0,4,10,0,0,1,3,0,1,1,0,1,7,5,0,1,3,0,0,1,5,1,0,0,1,3,17,9,20,26,4,9,0,0,2,0,13,5,0,5,4,84,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17269901439866595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18546777266911196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1822014013267745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971012414463048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27308311583828704,0.0,0.09233440009469177,0.0,0.10044002474649268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19468858765883204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369174785148725,0.0,0.0,0.17553327878227448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708620250237088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12482998967909252,0.08634160289723869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968182446977061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11796899146820825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17844744050422226,0.0,0.14106461140889273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3675680611169945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20658851520481755,0.0,0.1979786241006664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132180937083083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054319941318594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13605578514637448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665664193912734,0.0,0.13287935331366313,0.0,0.0,0.16270971422986036,0.0,0.0,0.11741190159881384,0.0,0.0,0.14030428836087638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199884191664319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20848047400874697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11380865768015305 ptsd,SpaceCommanda,2019/08/23,"I Developed PTSD After Being a Pedestrian in a Vehicular Accident and I Want to Drive Again Three and a half years ago, I was struck by a van and lay in the street while oncoming traffic did not stop--and six high school children risked their lives to save me. In the end, I had to crawl from the street, as I had too many broken bones for them to help me to my feet and I bade them to get out of the street. I have high vigilance and a startle reflex that is off the chain and I do not like being in cars. Some situations make me feel more uncomfortable than others, such as being in small cars and on narrow one lane streets (going either way). Something about seeing headlights coming towards me sets me off, and my therapist says that is from my time laying in the street while traffic went around me. Because my job was walking distance, I stayed there long after I wished, but grew so unhappy I found another job (with great benefits). They asked me if I had a good driver's license, which I do. Now, I did not expect beyond going to work (in which I told them I only had one car and that my husband would need it for our family), that I would be expected to drive. And indeed, I wish to do so, but our present car is manual, and I have only driven an automatic. My husband tried to teach me how to drive clutch in an empty parking lot, and I was surprised that driving did not feel too foreign to me, except for the clutch part...but a security guard said we could not practice there. Meanwhile, I am trying to find an inexpensive automatic. The rub? I am in training for a position that I am expected to make visits to our customers once a week. We have a fleet of vehicles. I was supposed to have three months of shadowing, but things are panning out far differently than what I expected. I may be expected to drive a fleet vehicle in a high traffic area, and the thought of doing so without having time to practice is leaving me sick. So much so, if demanded of me (this next month), I may very well quit. A friend of mine said if I provided documentation, that they probably couldn't force me. I *do* want to drive, but on my own terms. And I wonder if I inadvertently falsified my application. I get to see my therapist for the first time in three months next week and intend on asking for documentation of my condition to cover myself. Just wonder if some accommodation will be made, if they will allow me some time. I really want to drive again, I do. I appreciate any thoughts.",6.448765432098768,6.1232560576131725,7.114773662551443,76.11314814814816,65.5843621399177,10.492181069958848,31.991769547325106,10.082433333333334,2.9582213991769533,1948,68,384,40,27,646,235,486,0.063,0.853,0.084,0.905,3,0,1,0,0,0,63.0,5,0,7,4,19,11,0,2,26,0,44,3,2,6,0,78,74,35,0,21,19,2,3,1,1,6,1,3,0,1,14,22,0,2,8,0,1,19,7,2,1,8,20,8,72,9,69,40,9,80,0,0,2,0,24,33,0,14,26,289,86,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297669594155052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06365576920669527,0.09815479175110757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08332981308778523,0.17501926611139765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570617784487549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08063388772166659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473733697349368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09779908339365756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08290775655252768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08824407054643305,0.0,0.09466072507492894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555483240178519,0.07962181532391563,0.0,0.1026349203272988,0.07232030796337999,0.0,0.09781127961666276,0.0,0.10639769506390616,0.07851286288569685,0.0,0.10320172255459928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06274260111434107,0.2967018691069731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18578042161843555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911598469185727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04573150773098584,0.0,0.08265643533430089,0.08283898815844441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958107305354148,0.0,0.0885729274417402,0.12496640470679755,0.09490250656165307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22414793624663892,0.0,0.06881169858810275,0.06940818555785658,0.0,0.0,0.19910358509955725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968808566977758,0.12686065152988255,0.14238423423173893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136693944258704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092385993679412,0.0,0.10942122873797316,0.0,0.0,0.09956225288191567,0.0,0.0,0.05996685206170255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808282405858222,0.07443980879242107,0.0,0.0947349827287048,0.14918484892437622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10521785821530318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07206301460110791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09977229259859513,0.0,0.07825939668294002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21736919812720232,0.06218813533108064,0.0,0.0,0.14862653535636616,0.21833128944603994,0.0,0.0,0.08944521790859015,0.0,0.1271056161713657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07723533478602433,0.16563497935470084,0.07430064527414064,0.15017130471785725,0.0,0.08416366937084427,0.08677435319868516,0.0,0.0,0.2152861818847736,0.0902335231095292,0.20302495682392271,0.06814679597914547,0.0,0.0,0.13299103483159289,0.0,0.0,0.06027964890514548 ptsd,maaaaachellevee,2019/08/23,"Rage outburst seemingly out of nowhere anyone? Possible triggers. So, a little background. My PTSD stems from the very intensely traumatic and unexpected death of my 5 months old daughter. This was 5 1/2 years ago, her 6th birthday was on Monday. 2 weeks before her birthday I was camping with family having a great time. I had felt off for most of the summer as I usually do. All of my kids have summer birthdays and it’s always a major push and pull of my emotions. Long story short, my 17 year old nephew and I were having a conversation that turned a bit heated, but nothing crazy. And then he suddenly shouted something that triggered me. Like, TRIGGERED. I lost it, screamed at him (completely out of character for me) I don’t remember almost any of it, drama ensued with a few other members of my family, things got a bit physical with my sister (again NOT ME), I was completely out of myself. I made my husband drive us 3 hours home at midnight. It wasn’t me. I’ve never had that type of episode before and I’m terrified it will happen again. Any advice? Or has anyone else ever experienced absolute black out rage?",3.855409632571991,6.148580514150942,5.014409136047668,78.9852085402185,74.04716981132076,7.859384309831183,28.1390268123138,8.6894789155246,2.476024528301888,887,36,153,18,19,292,137,212,0.11,0.851,0.04,-0.9390000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,31.0,1,0,0,1,5,6,2,0,9,0,15,0,0,4,3,28,23,11,1,0,3,4,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,1,11,13,0,0,3,1,0,3,4,4,0,0,12,5,25,2,25,10,6,33,0,1,1,0,11,10,0,4,21,103,36,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13076542619386008,0.11862160587535585,0.0,0.13399942300195886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134731751801084,0.0,0.0,0.18200169290539533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871373503182524,0.13711238145498095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277385678178667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2921892515163749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28061130840060444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178778951619747,0.15052726776507935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104606568645065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252303450707885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12848629036816905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10702649985101473,0.14753484601451028,0.0,0.0,0.11833483839514015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13423039086957855,0.0,0.1317837999591984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653767280631664,0.13412081724553296,0.0,0.11842474194641504,0.0,0.0,0.1460781830325655,0.0,0.0,0.1266218517259542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681227160435727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032087112221195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840200497852636,0.0,0.28083901521164745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15085971771593304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15642611124087222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15158973712132193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182290495934248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10301965412341896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890275029223939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803036705983607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14555558540581193,0.0,0.0,0.16096660862307735,0.0,0.14738164990113958,0.11041388595531176,0.0,0.0,0.10734074862764872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17234884261402367 ptsd,cherioous,2019/07/19,"Sudden feelings of anxiety (possible trigger warning) So my day today was going pretty normal. I got to work and come lunch time I was just sitting eating. I started to feel physical discomfort and waves of anxiety. I decided to go out and get some air and boom, all of a sudden I’m in high alert mode. All noises appear very loud, all my senses were sharpened. I found a silent space and sat down to relax and it helped a little. There was nothing to start this? How could it happen? Besides the fact that I felt some discomfort prior to the anxiety attack. I don’t understand what happened",2.78523598820059,5.409133238938054,4.268340707964601,81.23283554572272,79.44247787610621,6.952507374631269,25.34587020648968,8.07648339933343,1.9915905604719768,468,18,80,9,12,155,80,113,0.124,0.804,0.073,-0.594,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,2,5,0,6,2,0,2,4,26,23,8,0,2,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,8,2,0,6,1,0,4,1,3,0,0,8,5,9,1,12,14,5,20,0,0,0,0,1,7,0,3,8,52,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4177778792363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20709557757766986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15681043050440668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453432832858109,0.0,0.0,0.1174000584836894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18627128468906556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18408871840704166,0.0,0.17478593273095286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19959630492905825,0.0,0.0,0.09510783430050627,0.0,0.20691385271213453,0.0,0.14559317223484228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3219528720798865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12201686622958652,0.19233413783679315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245084416185872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1783595135439042,0.17467127535854307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2052215562995194,0.0,0.1851990491408808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576962015099593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614837154074197,0.0,0.17255163264250487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18950895953801009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15020119257742431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13252651852620986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,animatedahegao,2019/07/19,"Talking about my traumatic events has made my triggers worse. Anyone else? The past few months I have avoided really talking about what happened to me and I am close enough to someone where I have begun discussing what happened with them. The thing is, I have been having the worst night terrors and panic attacks the last few days when I am alone. I think telling someone in detail has some correlation to this. Honestly I just don't know where to turn to talk about it as I dont know if anyone will relate to this. I guess trying to remember everything has really fucked with me. Thanks for reading.",4.938220255653885,6.92311336283186,4.761533923303833,83.28757128810228,70.23893805309734,7.500098328416913,28.484759095378564,8.167268648758528,2.0003065880039337,482,18,86,7,9,148,74,113,0.23399999999999999,0.715,0.05,-0.9732,0,2,0,1,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,7,8,2,3,4,0,14,1,0,2,0,16,24,5,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,1,4,1,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,0,14,2,15,21,5,12,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,3,8,65,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16528964193384085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22318149580012167,0.16352131914766596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18155944512639904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10292392394575088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18704115636562724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333190089203733,0.0,0.0,0.1649016569128433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343139853187456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14754064329723215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17580907022252149,0.0,0.2822541432095626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754156675829113,0.13008914278324082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101022976503786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12738516659517027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497666980698707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18724734750177616,0.0,0.0,0.15234904653197312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963563247699394,0.0,0.2044780130831774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18078712892508056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.270444320647102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3848230848921679,0.13949083081035762,0.1469312809698541,0.0,0.0,0.10602612870826493,0.10226039437192087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835279388891078,0.17359075148646594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16263833530437155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,booboopidoo,2019/07/19,"Everyone understands 9/11 I suppose I am speaking to Americans on this one but every country probably has a major tragedy that most the country witnessed in some way or another. We become hypersensitive around the anniversary. We don’t make jokes about it in mixed company, or any company. There is a respect and reverence. Should someone say they are a survivor of the attacks, our hearts soften for them. Anyone who made fun of a survivor would be labeled anything from asshole to pure evil. Why is abuse and rape treated so differently? If everyone has a grasp on what even the slightest PTSD feels and looks like, where is the disconnect? Why is it funny to trigger a Vietnam solider but not a NYC firefighter?",6.164999999999999,8.347019250000002,6.272312500000003,72.89143750000002,67.4375,9.495,38.58125,9.888512548439397,4.426175625000001,576,33,90,14,10,183,97,128,0.18100000000000002,0.664,0.155,-0.8496,1,0,0,0,2,0,13.0,3,0,2,0,6,8,3,0,12,0,12,2,1,3,1,23,17,9,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,4,7,5,13,13,3,7,0,0,1,1,8,6,0,5,1,66,13,0,0.0,0.2276566367667965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066302603904842,0.20147745083070015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13435002766827273,0.0,0.15811634585038625,0.17104695572782605,0.0,0.2185890581001712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2122055437490832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20074730600720614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12690785960368434,0.0,0.16188776988210074,0.3671994850524633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0971526771216812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276889811564125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938707875174063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16135073617100382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18180923534355128,0.1282561564780615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13020026951803956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20716137913695346,0.0,0.22460350472539226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15279888682207413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1628011400828938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2000264102762941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15251323280140364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3467562125824379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364920357079961,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,molllyyyy,2019/07/19,"do i have ptsd? i’m not sure if i do or not, but a lot of things have happened to me in the past. my brother was physically and emotionally abusive to my family. he would fight every night, hit my dad and sometimes my mom, smashed her car window, and threatened to kill us. he finally got help and is on medicine, but i have extreme anxiety from it. anytime he raises his voice or i feel like he’s in a bad mood i instantly become so scared and nervous and just i feel like i shut down. he has ptsd from when he did all of this and is on medicine. i think back to it and i just feel so horrible and i don’t know what to do. anytime someone fights i get so upset and i just think about those times and how hard it was for all of us.",1.0971428571428596,2.6833618853503225,2.9135077343039164,94.1480414012739,79.828025477707,6.269153776160145,23.3161965423112,7.1686216300943375,0.6206018198362147,564,19,135,7,14,188,92,157,0.27699999999999997,0.669,0.054000000000000006,-0.9925,0,0,0,0,2,0,14.0,2,0,0,0,10,11,3,3,3,0,14,0,0,1,3,33,25,21,1,2,10,3,4,2,0,1,0,1,1,0,7,11,0,0,6,0,0,1,3,7,0,0,4,5,21,3,17,19,3,13,0,0,0,0,16,6,0,4,8,92,28,0,0.0,0.18737305333210594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097861224095445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12160185370997367,0.13204241746036288,0.0,0.17465601368343106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17788907503116785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332419127802852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14908271484619898,0.0,0.2398848635850441,0.22595412807694196,0.0,0.17323742548209378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08262295142062773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1264810379208732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984492815565264,0.0,0.14166465581696633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10599961280929614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17496129263021662,0.0,0.08691100563329829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452091646107524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444713449560172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18521463458694376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14840606336921128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15096495112227748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3697203390788811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832827334154273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339936631609273,0.0,0.15640701833495954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14904747486916595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506287832112114,0.20266271157610394,0.0,0.0,0.09221418834413288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38045201436262377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233992493845073,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tilvalhalla_,2019/07/19,"6 years of civilian work I have had several jobs since I’ve gotten out of the military. I have performed well in all of those jobs getting promotions and bonuses rather quickly. My most recent job, at a VETERANS HOME is by far my worst job yet. I have been bullied, strong armed, and even sexually harassed (I’m a guy, a fat unattractive guy). By my boss. I am HR. My boss is the HR supervisor. She tipped me over the edge. I am in the midst of an anniversary that I always struggle with. When she called me a liar to my face, I lost all respect for her. I eventually left work for the day and went to the behavioral health clinic. Apparently I am a high risk for suicide. I cannot return to work under her control. I don’t know what to do. I am 90% disabled veteran. I was medically retired. I am a two time combat infantry veteran. I was so happy to get this job. But now, I work under an evil manipulative woman. What are my options?",1.4085106382978732,3.6952945319148967,3.7047234042553217,85.24400000000003,82.40425531914894,6.7387234042553175,25.35744680851064,7.908726449838941,1.6330629787234048,724,30,148,14,20,249,117,188,0.182,0.733,0.085,-0.9587,6,0,0,0,0,1,29.0,0,0,0,10,8,12,3,2,14,0,18,6,3,4,2,16,25,6,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,3,5,5,1,1,1,0,1,1,2,7,1,1,7,0,28,5,22,18,4,20,0,1,0,0,8,10,0,2,9,104,33,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10866563040138666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13335225427798714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464735706348046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842230708606396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625686795255376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646115634271835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586194704243673,0.0,0.13902097049725196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881654245354685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13798095102481406,0.13099758815930085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6479776989741637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177168161937278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14189201760806738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256003827443126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13156087896993615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289469600678346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753535228478967,0.0,0.10802966143260176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13652641085414904,0.0,0.1428499027001243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07615108487581786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12757248984304778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742072784860168,0.1210630167071937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3802993117689994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840989978432703 ptsd,Rodentomancy,2019/10/23,"Medication for Twitching, Hypervigilance and Sensory Overload Does anyone know or use medication for the stuff thats mentioned in the title? And if yes what Kind of side effects does it have. I appreciate every answer.",5.981216216216217,9.446336783783787,7.15263513513514,60.25706081081082,73.05405405405406,9.105405405405406,33.57432432432432,9.516144504307137,4.320248648648649,179,9,24,5,4,60,32,37,0.063,0.802,0.135,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,3,0,2,0,8,3,4,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,16,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2038606509196952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5102800260632845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2456459943989767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036076055238198,0.16022991532860614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5874179905579895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3337584550901433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2518081999652209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,prodbyschneider,2019/10/23,"I can’t talk about police officers Hello, i am 22. When I was 18 I was homeless, selling drugs to get by. I guess I wasn’t completely homeless since I was staying in my car, but you get it. While I was staying in my car I would get searched and hassled regularly by police officers, it made me feel unsafe at night, maybe I’d wake up to a cop banging on my window. I ended up getting arrested a few times for weed residue in my car. My car ended up breaking down so I had to sleep in a tent for a good while. While I was in this position I was consistently getting in trouble by law enforcement for trespassing. Throughout all of this, I had some of the weirdest feelings I’ve ever had. I felt like the biggest piece of shit in my entire community. I felt unwanted. Not once, even after running into the same officer twice, did they try to assist me in anyway. I felt like they were using me as an example. I ended up going through years of probation, completing it, and removing myself from the system. Since then I’ve been unable to hold a conversation about law enforcement without getting emotional and feeling weird, I feel like I’m about to cry as I’m typing this. I understand this is not normal, and I want to fix it. Where do I begin?",2.9918990015360976,4.810171181451615,4.8600691244239655,81.25236559139788,75.08870967741936,7.949615975422428,28.745007680491554,8.704169506293173,2.390883026113671,975,42,187,20,21,333,137,248,0.11,0.8270000000000001,0.063,-0.8793,0,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,0,1,2,0,9,7,1,0,10,0,18,4,3,2,2,31,40,13,0,4,4,0,7,3,0,1,1,0,1,0,8,5,0,1,8,0,1,7,5,3,0,1,17,7,35,4,42,22,5,43,0,0,0,0,6,18,1,2,17,136,43,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635016345912737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380302454866986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14572426558605042,0.0,0.0,0.14134918985528425,0.3338890870141902,0.0,0.0,0.08299642472606295,0.113665540961334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541473752325745,0.08977064202098121,0.3619563416123751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39390908895485627,0.0,0.07141476813610784,0.10539660460344223,0.0,0.0,0.13842728913592092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1841715660754508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11890135538347732,0.0,0.0,0.12624111237443125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792223228534188,0.12311890323097645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13382247650691267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289869096065851,0.2078924467372234,0.0,0.12574950752954112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26787103378722354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10099975003398347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327263247235406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531404841263815,0.0,0.0,0.1308151989606092,0.0,0.10852882151946873,0.0,0.0,0.07411679133800902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.121130558835897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926437655416035,0.0,0.0,0.08092012044624282 ptsd,glhfggbg,2019/10/23,"how do i get thru it? i got into a freak car accident and had a near death experience, driving is super hard for me to handle without getting extremely stressed out and i can never bring myself to take my mind off the crash. any advice?",3.084574468085105,4.950327191489362,4.8095212765957465,81.50875,74.95744680851064,7.253191489361702,26.643617021276608,8.07648339933343,1.821302127659575,186,7,35,3,4,63,42,47,0.259,0.63,0.111,-0.8024,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,1,1,3,0,1,3,0,4,0,0,1,1,8,9,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,2,1,6,1,9,7,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3199297939238355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22264204614256947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3202583245010153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34210415962401586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618502997188434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29328453652037617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3305789153779486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525097242713512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750336046721655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461627489328692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156002427765083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,some-unnoticed-guy,2019/10/23,Naturally... 🙄 Naturally I make a post this morning and then “brag” about how shit hasn’t been that bad lately. Then a few hours later I get triggered into what turned into a 30 min daze of just staring at my desk in class and I don’t even know what we went over. Yay me! (Insert sarcasm here),0.5967142857142846,2.8947854333333325,2.5028571428571422,92.38500000000002,86.33333333333334,4.761904761904762,18.57142857142857,6.1826913282559595,-0.1703571428571431,226,6,49,2,7,75,50,60,0.182,0.762,0.055999999999999994,-0.7644,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,3,1,3,1,1,3,0,10,8,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,1,6,1,7,6,1,13,0,0,1,0,1,5,1,0,6,32,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287922645192995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277601260283279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016194480702047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33959280564770505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18951218191558966,0.0,0.3889886621229404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2301798994528481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302564068790119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3539679556675519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3750812288077725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3196653043067472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ladycocacola,2019/10/23,"Careers for people with PTSD? I’ve been working a hectic retail job for two years and recently started having disassociative episodes at work. They began in February about once a month and got more and more frequent to the point where I had to take FMLA time for a month and attend an IOP program focusing on trauma. I tried to return to work this week, and it felt like all the healing I had done in IOP went right out the window. I haven’t been able to sleep and I’ve been feeling what I can only describe as terrified for days. I’m realizing my work is my #1 trigger and it’s sad because it was at one point a place I loved. I’ve tried many different careers and all of them have seemed to make my symptoms worse (especially retail.). Wondering if any people here have found careers that you’ve been successful with while having PTSD. I’m feeling like I’m running out of options at this point and it feels scary.",5.107799263351751,5.951924563535918,5.612941988950279,81.68563766114181,68.55801104972376,8.24327808471455,30.00046040515653,8.344100000000001,2.1033974217311235,730,27,141,10,12,235,109,181,0.08900000000000001,0.826,0.086,-0.3612,2,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,2,5,3,6,0,0,8,0,15,4,1,2,2,27,32,12,0,1,1,0,4,2,0,0,2,0,1,0,8,13,0,0,8,0,2,3,1,2,0,2,13,4,11,4,24,19,4,29,0,1,0,1,3,14,0,4,14,85,19,10,0.13260999682468186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901793452313391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083782322283559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08552247740060116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13854922208272588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357060679591464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20115479663742014,0.09473660822828296,0.12732639297622395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454000168143906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10606032861445328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13159495979030994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12957309211773568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11968569957422424,0.0,0.08851820261397632,0.13444572281820116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21169606858458734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1412253186961825,0.08985996582209717,0.10085587822048753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838701492849438,0.0,0.13854922208272588,0.0,0.3760779310148299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3100279797093754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093637367515312,0.0,0.0,0.11324821271956564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072316062602392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1327057661784498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09386203829241767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13783256216176593,0.09970621409442852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732595556981732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18006696619030202,0.0,0.1295406979115416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063717405410592,0.0,0.0,0.12293079561918682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380988479263046,0.3861666282632316,0.0,0.13514091595332867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539649016556497 ptsd,maemolly,2019/10/23,"Telling parents about my PTSD Alright, so I'm 18 and I still rely on my parents for health insurance. This summer at my job as a camp counselor for people with disabilities I was strangled by a camper. At the time I passed it off as not being a big deal as well as many other bad incidences that happened at this camp. But throughout this job my parents kept on freaking out about it. They eventually said that it was my problem and they would leave me to my own devices (ik smart on my part right).Now it is a problem because the counselor I went to for through my college said they can't help me. I keep on getting triggered (for reasons I have no clue of) and will have a panic attack randomly. I also haven't been able to have anything near me neck and it keeps getting worse. So... What can help with making this stop How do I tell my parents (cuz they will freak) Any advice is appreciated!",4.164471968709254,5.479083943502825,4.653333333333336,85.95097783572363,71.14689265536722,6.802086049543678,30.564537157757503,7.010146845296331,1.669288917861799,706,30,140,6,13,224,107,177,0.187,0.76,0.053,-0.9729,6,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,4,0,8,10,1,1,7,1,16,2,1,5,0,22,27,14,0,3,2,4,0,0,0,3,1,2,0,0,13,7,0,4,1,0,0,2,4,7,1,0,7,2,24,3,28,16,2,17,0,0,0,0,15,11,0,1,4,104,37,3,0.1261990177350424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12332021955813972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10092130888826413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581965960854382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385103874275588,0.0,0.0,0.1435696013553424,0.0,0.0,0.10537090847226806,0.07692974987434796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010564590455548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186755618837467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115973746044416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13414365452023208,0.0,0.0,0.16917708285334962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25046610454828905,0.22434297091502586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13362653808173866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08423882428957352,0.1279459962642637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480673562147081,0.5605162981916773,0.1366612382025495,0.0,0.08749050895926372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415108328456192,0.14751989837323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297536086483468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077732716060082,0.24008833030059865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10078269858112177,0.10550802964444443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2206070078945912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358766210692043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346807283654947,0.11698775377424005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286075805557197,0.08964816137226772,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,luftherz,2019/10/23,"Stuck reliving the same moments over and over... This is going to be a struggle to put the right words together, so bear with me. I’ve never been formally diagnosed with PTSD, but mostly because I’ve never spoken to a doctor/therapist about anything that’s ever happened to me in my life. So I’m just throwing this out there to the universe... I’ve never served in the military, but I’ve been through some personally traumatic experiences that haunt my every day functioning but I just don’t know if it would even be considered PTSD. But everything I’m experiencing is lining right up with the signs/symptoms and I just don’t know how to heal myself. I’ll try to explain: my traumatic memories invade every little thought and poison them. It’s like my brain relieves them over and over again. I feel like I’m watching the world through a lens that replays these events and taints my world view to the negative. These memories bring me right back to the events like I’m reliving them all over again and the anxiety that accompanies is just beyond overwhelming. I carry this weight all the time. It’s crushing me and I feel like it’s ruined me as a person. I can barely function. I’m socially, spiritually, financially, mentally, and physically worn down and unable to function like a normal human. I’m going down a path of self-destruction and I don’t have the strength to stop it anymore.",5.149068441064639,6.921811844106468,5.959792775665402,75.75543060836503,69.34220532319392,9.366463878326996,31.02072243346008,9.766711354998122,3.1910564258555136,1117,47,196,27,20,366,136,263,0.15,0.763,0.087,-0.9549,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,3,1,15,11,1,2,17,0,13,6,1,1,6,43,31,19,0,3,9,0,3,5,0,1,4,0,0,3,14,14,1,1,6,0,0,5,7,4,0,0,5,6,21,7,31,23,5,36,0,2,2,0,8,18,0,3,18,133,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891805807778356,0.0,0.12823592749702148,0.0,0.0,0.10640709108791703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942765092801514,0.0,0.0788231971615346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434727068837294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833911012089968,0.0,0.0,0.13124196858202686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13234926302677955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540480811136097,0.11696387822388145,0.2178902703982818,0.0,0.1162110985763024,0.12648521293138967,0.0,0.0,0.13076110136903307,0.1847511981664434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469741519375674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143440850324238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421254177674034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133202583216496,0.3158597355680907,0.12959769362706305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13030914174987387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991842253418812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266915573776615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258084755520114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3023015167400143,0.1299873536080705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33127758183612604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348934340150995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181027966811806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810486497580817,0.0,0.13517778001799355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343975232065292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15013320322825488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10265381677817537,0.07539885165861318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778968441030525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15745879351949027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09185464284697473,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,breatheoutdoors,2019/10/23,"Recently diagnosed, taking medication, hard to swallow. I’m only a young adult, barely out of my teenage years, and two days ago I was diagnosed with PTSD. I always thought I had a mental illness, or a few, but I never expected this. Two and a half weeks out of a long, loving relationship and my entire life has changed and I have no idea how to swallow this. I’m so alone. I’m not comfortable taking medication but this hurricane in my brain is going to make me lose it. I’ve already lost the love of my life. I know it’s probably necessary, but it’s scary. No more wine over dinner, no more weed for stress relief. I can’t try shrooms for grounding myself. I haven’t opened up to anyone about it because I don’t want to be ostracized. There’s so much that I am losing that I already feel numb to the whole situation. I feel like I just have to go into full on adulthood without getting a few experimental years and it’s not fair. This illness is not fair. I know there’s no age to PTSD but I feel like I am just too young and it makes me hurt. How do I cope?",0.9831849315068516,3.2411211598173573,3.055507990867578,89.40874143835617,83.9771689497717,6.2070776255707765,22.36700913242009,7.492282038375204,0.9473666666666664,830,29,178,14,24,280,121,219,0.233,0.67,0.09699999999999999,-0.9825,0,1,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,10,12,0,1,8,0,14,16,1,5,1,37,34,15,0,2,11,0,4,2,0,0,9,0,0,1,12,11,4,0,7,1,0,2,12,6,0,3,4,4,24,6,23,29,7,23,0,4,0,2,4,10,0,1,13,119,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549114932332634,0.0,0.0,0.12325375402018725,0.26265094237430164,0.0,0.09902206610983527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321137629488012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254461656598575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328494374945841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258919844834043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674866892070385,0.0,0.0,0.24157604946261801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805181907514334,0.17003503173849374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06217543484025466,0.0,0.1352670772231104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066055064055224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12739779347261038,0.1343426654617128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308045639799075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16811413474160372,0.11628010144507407,0.0,0.0,0.1053160766460428,0.0,0.266273311918758,0.12990850448746158,0.0,0.2148141263059434,0.0,0.1588741213389615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2397709378155472,0.11992950125981976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748269726312784,0.0,0.09178433799354442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905090058370621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830800091604466,0.0,0.27822200074272274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750352303055772,0.12776731466592722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337671097471722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632033867011265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895457305394474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09447703271850767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08079688750689723,0.0,0.2325020611645643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07019249658796155,0.0,0.09545899213213598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286533282438184,0.0,0.11471700520616428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327121360170087 ptsd,ThrowawayHarassedGuy,2019/10/23,How do I get a formal diagnosis for my PTSD? I grew up in a severely abusive home and witnessed many traumatic things early in life on top of the abuse I personally suffered. Every therapist I have spoken to tells me they think I have severe PTSD or Complex PTSD but I have never been formally officially diagnosed. I live in a state with free healthcare for poor people and I'm currently on that plan. I have not been to a doctor for over 10 years. How do I get formally diagnosed with PTSD? My family will think I am making it up and seeking attention if I tell any of them I have PTSD without having a doctor to back it up. My family has pathologized me for a long time and my mother has been trying to convince people that I am autistic for years to explain why I was often so withdrawn and disassociated as a kid.,4.218148148148149,5.59954038271605,6.136728395061732,75.11027777777781,71.09876543209877,9.350617283950617,28.93209876543209,9.725611199111238,2.8726320987654312,650,25,120,16,12,226,95,162,0.115,0.8320000000000001,0.053,-0.8229,1,0,0,0,1,0,8.0,0,0,2,2,5,3,0,0,8,0,17,6,0,3,1,22,24,12,0,1,5,1,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,2,5,7,0,0,5,0,2,1,3,1,0,0,4,0,22,3,25,19,0,20,0,1,0,0,8,10,0,3,8,92,27,2,0.0,0.2681154512465408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07694213681893301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08700113303399676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296785624859071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316163709405287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09532911732702476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2133251214794556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182266580467088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11349315420834533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991730324033751,0.0,0.0,0.09990866241528587,0.10012931805336836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07552482931672164,0.11471075968960845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726401005386095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15688029389553934,0.09879340926965983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6612993022765467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25564214919252065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1977865521963829,0.0,0.0,0.1313694798677089,0.07516817527758436,0.14499684826282366,0.0,0.0,0.06597546520042827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07681768543363525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209530867347136,0.0,0.0,0.10906725607547152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1457226910069016 ptsd,NewDayTomorrough,2019/10/23,"""Stress tears"" as I call them? I almost never cry or if I do only for less that 5 minutes. But almost every day for no reason a few tears come out the outside corners of my eyes. Just enough to make my skin a little moist but easy to wipe away no one notices. Usually whe sitting through a pause at my desk at work or while falling asleep or wake up at night with these tears. It happens while reading or posting on this sub. No emotion not choked up no lump in my throat maybe slight sniffles. Anybody have this? Is this technically what they call ""weeping"" in the symptoms commonly defining ptsd?",4.098065134099613,5.727165396551722,4.1866666666666665,88.00277777777781,71.75862068965517,6.1900383141762445,29.26819923371648,6.42735559955562,1.3395911877394644,470,19,91,3,9,145,88,116,0.146,0.785,0.068,-0.6875,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,1,1,2,0,1,5,0,3,7,5,2,1,17,6,10,0,1,9,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,0,1,1,0,2,6,2,0,1,0,2,9,0,18,6,3,23,0,1,1,0,4,12,0,7,7,62,16,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3656487046349824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715369702206234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3728627751618631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727379860227528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005521077808246,0.117746970622214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20537439355145512,0.0,0.1886507024577212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15382887919391586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16145211450552466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829899785825848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12187147191605785,0.0,0.18342299606884285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14081453009264935,0.0,0.0,0.1713360152020039,0.0,0.0,0.20786496544898805,0.0,0.0,0.1237188055978048,0.13885792941051847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17485816316597433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21342257923557054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18262626809131835,0.0,0.0,0.18771942041873213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2091411764962869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189767265179012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2010826172457862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291812870551428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Equilibrium132,2019/10/23,"It's really hard to not dissociate sometimes... And it's really affecting my personal life. I see my doctor soon. I've not received a diagnosis yet (haven't seen a doc in years), but I usually screen very high. It's hard to even hold a conversation much of the time. I'm starting to isolate. Does anybody have any tips for the meantime? Anything helps <3",2.132065217391304,4.799482115942034,4.191141304347827,80.37627717391305,82.91304347826087,8.08768115942029,27.46557971014493,8.841846274778883,2.7424623188405794,282,13,53,8,8,96,52,69,0.08900000000000001,0.857,0.054000000000000006,-0.048,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,6,6,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,1,5,4,0,6,5,1,9,0,0,3,0,4,2,0,0,6,28,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1680724814667063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20338581933331676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529715174397701,0.21628521237650114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1632421927442982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4428009954348652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1656614128520167,0.26113066167234283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17457143800593816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18168585628252912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158044231028141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3166650174010352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19694890242028798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2444405875704136,0.0,0.17493613033960362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411687289438188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2722040572932228,0.2039270679810367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15915839679090735 ptsd,throwawayptsdgal,2019/10/23,"How can I minimise PTSD's effect on my relationship? Hi all - I'm new here, so if I've done anything wrong then please let me know! I only recently got an official PTSD diagnosis, although I've had symptoms for years. I'm now in therapy specific to PTSD, and while I'm sure it'll help in the long run, having to explain everything that happened to me to trigger the PTSD has really taken a toll in the short term. I'm in the ""worse before it gets better"" phase right now. Onto the main reason for my post: I want to try to minimise PTSD's effect on my relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and he knows all about what happened to me. He's been absolutely amazing and supportive in every possible way. But, I know I can't be easy to love or stay with. I find it so hard to trust people, and my PTSD episodes often lead to me starting arguments over what seems like nothing (but is often a trigger that my boyfriend had no way of knowing about). I'm still learning what triggers me and what my reactions are to being triggered. Usually, it goes one of two ways - either I just cry, or I get angry or frustrated and start arguments. I'm trying my absolute best to get help that will enable me to manage my symptoms and stop putting my boyfriend through all of this. But, I just feel so horribly guilty that he has to deal with me. He says that he wants to stay, and that we're going to get me through this together, but I feel like he deserves better than me in my current state. Has anyone else been through this? I need all of the advice and support I can get right now.",5.813399512365027,5.477702128526652,6.376839080459771,80.90901340996172,66.89968652037618,9.5967258794845,32.76924416579589,9.150863307647796,2.6389706025774995,1245,48,255,20,18,407,163,319,0.079,0.813,0.109,0.8923,1,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,7,15,13,1,0,9,0,20,3,0,9,5,53,52,24,0,4,11,0,3,2,0,2,2,1,0,0,17,12,0,1,13,0,0,4,2,2,0,2,8,4,32,11,42,39,8,41,0,0,0,1,15,13,0,7,19,162,49,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216663877345956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05879400814182556,0.08615475700494601,0.06919457990910909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07154992409436392,0.0,0.08824175131562739,0.14873224616294495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923631430775416,0.0,0.08668767901752925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0860478868130603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07024201417616155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084502344883355,0.0,0.07556994618074303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503154616083766,0.06007015798537919,0.0,0.0,0.0768519327830702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21965404160995705,0.0,0.047787297805251136,0.0,0.06725025114366938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871172302554286,0.0,0.0753234147859584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11272046307868665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848431054035051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08598234775711898,0.0,0.08215911736475669,0.0,0.0,0.07441235253518512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07588976443710063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623477723156168,0.0,0.08120956981619121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08068157974125051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056977998731884576,0.06395023689110868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0582937743017297,0.0,0.0,0.09229979884614396,0.0,0.0947929150068657,0.0805299416769291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5897433970663376,0.0845283921818309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05386684018285935,0.0864531212283091,0.08302354073882648,0.1805510946509826,0.0,0.1436158240589238,0.0,0.0668675634221729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.076547593025761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11903122931040218,0.1792462987570542,0.06715018525429559,0.07029861113251899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908367423088969,0.07924887621140386,0.1747924891850847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615823293552192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417604355155855,0.0,0.08213857699371871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09260746622207712,0.0,0.09919072126058796,0.20022766812974965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568953779772064,0.0,0.0919334678281846,0.0,0.10829563674649073 ptsd,WhateverIlldoit,2019/10/23,"Question about meds I don’t know if this is the right place to ask this question. If not, maybe someone could point me in the right direction. I’m 32 and have never really sought treatment for PTSD related to childhood abuse and neglect. I developed some dysfunctional coping skills along the way, but as I’ve learned in therapy (I just started) those strategies are no longer working for me. So my question is about whether it’s worthwhile to pursue medication. I have an intense amount of anxiety about seeing a psychiatrist. I’m worried that I won’t be taken seriously or that I won’t be able to express myself properly or that I will be seen as a hypochondria or a drug seeker. Right now my symptoms are pretty intense. Something will trigger a negative emotion and I will feel a sense of agitation and panic for hours or even days before the tightness in my chest loosens and I feel like I can breathe again. This will usually lead into a depressive episode. Has anyone found medications effective for reducing these types of symptoms? What was your experience like meeting with a psychiatrist? Did you stay on medication long-term?",5.994836956521738,8.073332671497589,6.158040458937203,73.95561141304348,67.69565217391305,9.232971014492751,36.12590579710145,9.673873057562805,3.873367391304349,921,48,151,21,16,293,136,207,0.129,0.774,0.098,-0.6898,0,0,2,0,1,0,18.0,0,2,0,4,8,6,0,1,12,0,21,8,2,3,1,34,32,16,0,3,10,0,3,2,0,6,6,0,0,0,10,8,0,2,9,0,0,1,7,4,0,0,5,5,18,2,23,17,2,21,0,2,2,0,8,10,0,10,10,107,28,4,0.1238075390674484,0.14669168863631835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09471242851046156,0.0,0.0,0.08656910998462672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11574333623880285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535109689026824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885024563421432,0.0,0.0,0.0798456203563468,0.0,0.10663525198182916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14357743902603326,0.0,0.0,0.139266817411698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177371189733942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12110753001210935,0.0,0.0,0.1252016235056407,0.08844813064770116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13574857622502254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192548685185885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680413856246029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097221965599833,0.0,0.0,0.10956577607864444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12438131385754317,0.0,0.13752226549216218,0.3741692111902071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0954880066214959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14526147127115047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12935252723404794,0.0,0.1170381425519034,0.0,0.0,0.12595677684533366,0.0,0.0,0.14472438778735594,0.0,0.4160783353258333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931427979983041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3171928856721011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865857922063703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104901726081199,0.09531309226321363,0.0,0.0,0.08763161338584641,0.13196236352865592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25736687630224275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158471085764762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13635651288542466,0.0,0.0,0.09827266174514987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09013336298177606,0.12573256568395516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,popcorndream,2019/10/23,"Went in for an evaluation.... Hi everyone my name is N. Today I went in for a psych evaluation because of some dissociative episodes. My actionable item that I listed was overcoming anxiety . . Walked out with a complex PTSD diagnosis.. NEVER have I ever thought that I have ptsd. Everything makes so much sense. I have this urge of telling absolutely everyone I know about this finding “Look! I am not crazy or weird!!! I have ptsd! And it’s treatable!!” Honestly would tell my friends that I am bipolar to explain my emotions-didn’t know any other explanation Should I make a huge announcement on fb, insta, etc Or should I just keep this to myself",2.582202111613878,5.5805643846153865,3.9368526897938665,79.09556561085974,88.91452991452992,7.881146304675718,28.249874308697837,8.4952907291091,3.0683789844142786,511,25,88,15,17,167,82,117,0.015,0.865,0.11900000000000001,0.8866,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,4,0,11,1,0,2,2,23,21,4,0,3,4,0,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,8,3,0,1,6,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,4,1,16,2,12,14,4,12,0,0,1,0,6,5,0,3,3,63,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136252090082483,0.0,0.12782145691310495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185497062440944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634669619300606,0.0,0.15114018220037534,0.0,0.31931847517704354,0.1501674438231983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1527149201787672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12909136454226733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14851502019482146,0.0,0.0,0.18365380716560312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031139241782214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2230643668402288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228285154939796,0.0,0.12886815717896685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5859489315848458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2920836262348877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264878701884153,0.0,0.0,0.15837938416522648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3097835166123204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1186941444372146,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Rynoc114,2019/10/23,"Possible PTSD I’ve lived in an area with some not so great people around me. I’ve witnessed countless bloody brawls, fellow students lashing out in class, a childhood friend of mine having a full blown seizure that was unexpected n undiagnosed, guns pointed at me, etc. I’ve also done work as a drug dealer which has led to me being robbed and beat by my own friends, guns pointed at my head, fights, an unreal amount of stress and paranoia. Recently my paranoia has gotten so bad that I’ll be in any situations and not trust my friends with any of my possessions and I’ll start freaking out and grabbing shit as soon as someone has anything that’s mine. Everytime they simply ask to see my paper or smth I immediately think back to getting robbed and I get extremely panicked. I also can’t go to certain spots without feeling like someone is out to get me. This was basically just to vent, but also I’m wondering if I could talk to someone about possible PTSD based on my paranoia alone, as I’m not having flashbacks or nightmares?",9.334698251551046,7.5906221878172575,8.759864636209818,71.24518894529052,60.62436548223349,11.395149464184998,41.178228990411725,9.994966539143718,4.090304455724762,829,38,149,13,9,264,124,197,0.151,0.81,0.039,-0.9451,0,1,1,2,1,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,10,12,2,1,5,0,13,3,2,1,1,28,26,19,0,2,9,0,2,1,4,0,1,0,0,0,5,12,0,0,3,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,4,3,18,7,29,19,5,21,0,0,1,0,8,14,1,5,6,95,23,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451024928026778,0.0,0.31158046429353103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663748571967752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068751988563642,0.11561535468625606,0.12141461608152565,0.0,0.0,0.099865054632242,0.10843932745386188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10369378500098073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290614707677534,0.0,0.0,0.1506125553642914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484379027770045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566817384353599,0.09278197928874853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3010208860326033,0.0,0.20356134316449104,0.0,0.07381036148283872,0.0,0.0,0.1431864937079953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332881463041684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06344985414866139,0.0,0.11468108152612175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003824763108663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455457325943278,0.2928267403267957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30363140638320024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12823486229523925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10349272717098873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13331374830582998,0.0,0.14598376674714555,0.0,0.0,0.3301253414406473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192545369432906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14877017647254878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043877653635545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321798618192422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519385790423565,0.1408427639735122,0.09454978591588532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jacobwaayne,2019/10/23,"In Search of Someone Who Gets It Hi. I’m a 19 year old male with complex PTSD. I have really bad episodes that consist of uncontrollable twitching, screaming, crying, flailing, shaking, and so much more. These episodes happen quite often and make it really hard for me to function the way that I would prefer to. I’m looking to make some friends who also have similar PTSD symptoms that I can relate to and we can vent to each other. Maybe even make a group chat for all of us to have some support. If you’re interested at all, shoot me a message!",3.6543605870020985,5.6502347924528324,4.254276729559752,85.53904612159329,73.71698113207547,6.5979035639412995,28.758909853249477,7.3871296695380915,1.6798104821802935,432,18,82,5,9,137,74,106,0.159,0.7659999999999999,0.075,-0.8214,0,0,0,1,0,1,13.0,2,0,0,1,4,7,0,2,4,0,6,2,0,3,2,18,15,6,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,1,2,1,0,1,9,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,0,0,0,3,7,3,14,14,7,6,0,0,1,0,10,2,0,4,2,55,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535591669732004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16032955880631108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21092611046965853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682809473118878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14835498947441866,0.0,0.10032307498854323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16980358330099934,0.0,0.1720131470055842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16124932305964934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3845266324983116,0.0,0.192910957454378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14115756842357535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20149379405253853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4489246712256749,0.0,0.0,0.2042380265557664,0.0,0.0,0.2460272074873537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.162698815355163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21790321576715413,0.0,0.1995833979586843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2309776842280337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241737428951732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364062469329044,0.0,0.0,0.12365526268738745 ptsd,Newtnewt1221,2019/10/23,"Been in total freeze response 24/7 for about a year I made a post on here already about this, but I'm still stuck. I want to be human again. I have zero emotion. I didn't know that was possible, but I truly do have zero emotion. When people talk to me, I can never socially engage. There is no natural feeling or stimulation of facial expression. My ""self"" is totally gone, 100% gone, not a trace left. I have no sensation in my body ever. My heart rate is slow and steady and never speeds up. Same with my blood pressure. I don't feel fear or anxiety, nothing in the pit of my stomach, ever. I am completely outside of my body. I don't feel my body at all, I don't feel my feet touching the ground, I can't feel my fingers typing the keyboard I'm using to type of this. Nothing around me feels real, I have tunnel vision. I'm in shock, freeze response. I'm a living corpse and I can't get out of this. I'm 17. I will have no life if I have to stay this way, I might as well die. Acceptable suicide. No one understands this. I've had depersonalization for years, but it wasn't like this, I reached a point one night last year where there was no hope and my nervous system entered the final stage and prepared me for death. 11 months later, I'm still just a conscious blankness. I have had years of severe anxiety and trauma, a lifetime of a dysregulated nervous system, since early childhood trauma...I don't think I can ever recover. Life isn't worth living with no emotion and no self. I really rather be dead. Everyday I wake up, I wish I didn't. I'm not depressed, it's just total blankness and numbness. If I was actually be about to be eaten by a lion, I'd be perfectly numb and comfortable. I feel like a sociopath, I literally have no emotion. ZERO. I imagine this is extremely rare. I have seen several doctors about this and none of them have a clue. If I don't kill myself, this will eventually kill me. I've been doing so much research on this, the dorsal vagal branch of the parasympathetic nervous system that causes this...the metabolism of the body is a conversing, low oxygen state, which unlike for reptiles, can eventually be lethal for mammals. I'm so nauseous all the time and I can't eat. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and fibromyalgia from trauma and then the stress and pressure of having CFS and fibro caused this total shutdown of the nervous system, along with financial stress. I'm also about to lose my father to terminal cancer in 4-6 weeks. I have no emotion about it, since I'm in freeze, but I know that's just another majorly traumatic thing added onto the 10s of other major traumas that lead to this.... I really don't know what to do. No one else has what I have. I don't have depression, it's a total nothingness and my sympathetic nervous system can never be aroused or stimulated in any way to fight or flee a situation. I truly want to die. My only hope is maybe to see a Somatic Experiencing practictioner, but I can't afford to do so. I'm already in counseling and have been for a long time, but it doesn't do anything. What do I do? Just live without being able to live? Never, ever smile or feel any hint of human connection or pleasure for decades and decades, from the age of 16? Sorry, but I can't do that. I won't.",3.0610479797979804,4.907897094135805,4.792872053872056,81.68478787878789,74.97222222222223,7.49050505050505,26.596632996633,8.296473431620573,1.877373703703704,2559,96,492,45,55,867,279,648,0.222,0.664,0.115,-0.9976,1,0,0,0,1,5,98.0,0,0,1,3,29,34,3,10,28,0,73,22,12,7,16,95,111,41,8,9,24,1,13,2,0,4,8,0,0,4,28,24,2,0,16,0,1,5,37,24,1,6,17,16,61,10,67,82,12,69,0,5,2,1,11,21,0,12,34,347,89,7,0.06728025084657878,0.0,0.06565581953339747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1484908596772413,0.05380399229432392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915057554275645,0.07054920928577582,0.10293841548697603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055365913797839575,0.05989368749497045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.298932765774848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823070163497478,0.0,0.0,0.07054206295229849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589676293488195,0.0,0.13965255639407193,0.0,0.0,0.0688641876498056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06884449314908747,0.05620401636909163,0.3784061326410481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24343535503113786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07570898722555447,0.27215133098702105,0.04806502464802565,0.0,0.0737022261697467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035151154177389475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07972742119497357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336489399272794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1488712583265251,0.0,0.11092639900413848,0.054842384215421855,0.0,0.0,0.07310018940416496,0.0,0.0950440617726822,0.06573946421379859,0.0,0.2376387765154619,0.05954090481319831,0.0,0.07526939107565753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366220011944199,0.0,0.0,0.06759205505573916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07137371393834185,0.0,0.0,0.05370245433470454,0.0,0.0494587257371162,0.0,0.2075627085951228,0.0,0.0,0.0631379577303285,0.0,0.12911443049138413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367725176006586,0.05116966253303944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04664365456340319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06360158394893772,0.07584837378606803,0.06443588233191877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657965498484264,0.08620290300320405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361364912128145,0.0,0.1403759498209352,0.1520150657892279,0.0,0.1113098375104367,0.07562582088356118,0.0,0.06858374293630931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07531473250747805,0.0,0.07171179548022953,0.10746019047104163,0.0,0.15413860005703342,0.0,0.0,0.07359367439956617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05407731709987367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04469800909658647,0.04311046808502717,0.0,0.0,0.07846331064417016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07004111389677388,0.0,0.058108534860820675,0.0,0.0,0.07936727024100745,0.10680786296822617,0.05396815894695521,0.0,0.060493025544374725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07736896809193781,0.06485576091475158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330510270209842 ptsd,phasebred,2019/10/23,"Can you get rid of ptsd? Basically i had an extremely traumatic experience happen one year ago and i began to have random panic attacks after. Then i went 8 months without any panic attacks. However now all of a sudden fear and anxiety is like surrounding me and i have this extreme fear of losing control of my mind. It feels as if i am going to fall out of the universe and into an infinite pit of pain and oblivion. That most likely makes no sense, but thats because im trying to describe an irrational feeling. Anyway if things keep getting worse i honestly do not want to be alive, thats no way to live. I literally just keep getting super scared while im doing nothing to spark any sort of fear. It really sucks. So is there any medication or like mental tricks i can do to help make the ptsd go away?",4.076666666666668,5.4995540000000025,5.76125,77.50541666666669,71.5,8.583333333333334,28.958333333333336,9.075114841892004,2.541458333333334,640,25,118,13,12,219,111,160,0.259,0.621,0.12,-0.9618,1,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,0,3,5,17,4,6,6,0,12,2,0,3,1,27,28,13,0,3,7,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,7,0,3,2,0,0,4,4,12,0,2,3,2,11,5,20,24,2,19,0,1,0,0,2,4,1,6,13,79,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665840615799847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245469748197616,0.0,0.09204618445904499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2737678371465634,0.11304670548603885,0.0,0.0,0.07334732086912857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13495162365435948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769823899766906,0.0,0.4061879155844921,0.12167707990402947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18859021324860128,0.0,0.13676380392869278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640055968768608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08064946135932669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599373337521817,0.0,0.0,0.21389587122425893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17635010663325248,0.0,0.10624674255128534,0.0,0.0,0.13460980960886354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063205937618058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212119985157843,0.12125651808466527,0.0,0.12149116264305147,0.0,0.096040064230852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545243463396945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153346396121691,0.0,0.12803134698061389,0.28234444812994536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2813005199740161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07708150813475452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12046355288033485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993674996439043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169090297423849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07096917474447569,0.09550619377557464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11153992217384054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598634589719806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12261864223697536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07748357780497105 ptsd,OfficialWomanLover,2019/10/23,"I’d like to know all about PTSD for research. (More in description) *I’d like to say that I know almost nothing about PTSD.* I’m writing a script based around this idea that’s been brewing in my mind, I’m not sure if I’m going to dive in to PTSD or not but I’d like to know quite a bit about it before I really start writing, just in case. Here are a couple questions I’d like to have answered: “How old do you have to be to get PTSD?” “What’s it like?” “What was it like when you were first effected?” If you have any extra info, it’s be really appreciated, thanks.",0.9637190082644622,2.5991567768595094,2.9380165289256226,93.59066115702484,80.40495867768595,6.052892561983472,19.264462809917354,6.980632752743323,0.052133884297520534,434,10,103,5,11,146,68,121,0.012,0.778,0.21,0.9769,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,3,0,3,8,8,0,0,3,0,10,0,0,2,2,23,20,6,0,2,7,0,0,6,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,1,0,0,8,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,3,1,6,8,17,15,4,10,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,5,10,59,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14007515840958687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512696171894544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452778496650195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190322885293088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15271877585299948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547806855035574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189865659107363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308441927363205,0.0,0.07950017407270354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1579137438148537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23063229766001175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4100460435392165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14124451501003304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13422394503305227,0.0,0.14678633930680746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6540748257144517,0.0,0.1567038152211022,0.14878548694929286,0.0,0.0,0.17922851334829998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11124259324192504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901170274190536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318404627009571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878780782105936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,livinglife9669,2019/09/07,"Therapy types what is the best method of therapy thats worked for you? &#x200B; I have bipolar disorder too I was molested by multiple boys, raped and assaulted twice with intention to rape. I was also under an incredibly toxic friendship for ( ages 11-18) 7 years on and off friendship / love-ish type relationship with a narcissistic sociopath who destroyed my self confidence at every turn.",9.234705882352939,10.128654823529416,8.913529411764708,61.435882352941206,59.58823529411765,13.270588235294115,42.0,12.602617957971056,6.0799,320,17,47,11,4,103,60,68,0.252,0.586,0.162,-0.8245,0,0,1,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,2,6,5,0,3,0,4,3,0,1,0,5,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,1,2,0,5,1,11,3,1,6,0,0,0,2,5,4,0,0,2,32,8,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869104072903847,0.0,0.25324176529013165,0.2840023831794673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24528076730400644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26786997210430497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.196924034848828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109466253120001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25093399877778955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438269432803183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5345715561029493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2542265128258965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015513827055795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840023831794673,0.15051172761657888 ptsd,elwoodbluth,2019/09/07,"Is there any inpatient care, anywhere in the US, that could handle someone with ptsd from institutionalized abuse? Sorry I really don’t have the energy to explain any further than: I am not doing well at all. I am afraid of everything and everyone. I am functioning on the outside okay, but the panic attacks are too much. I’m on meds and in therapy. Afraid of being “locked up” because that’s the source of this.",2.649102564102563,5.435423653846158,4.279743589743589,79.81525641025644,81.69230769230771,7.56923076923077,25.333333333333336,8.515128840125781,2.288810256410257,327,13,58,8,9,109,60,78,0.165,0.772,0.063,-0.8540000000000001,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,1,0,0,0,3,7,1,3,5,1,10,0,0,0,1,8,13,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,5,3,13,11,2,7,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,0,0,45,8,0,0.0,0.2734148051566122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3138516523217852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2625246756634087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14067015192613294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2352768681492821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18424438971977666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22050263301146708,0.20739367953738308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563241569701731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963635480406056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2707490603835838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26974800451300496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14783181350765806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19552358598987615,0.0,0.0,0.2583187596364548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638960427285908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775778361097284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20748242481944276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rachel_reilly_lover,2019/09/07,"Diagnosis made everything worse. Hi, I experienced a psychotic break from trying a drug which turned my life upside down m - eventually ending me up with a misdemeanor and I have 9 months of probation left. My psychiatrist told me a couple months ago she thought I had PTSD and I kind of didn’t believe it After just doing a fill psychological examination (2 6 hour sessions, on a co pay waiver care coordination card) I was diagnosed with a neurocognitive disorder, and most importantly PTSD. Now after the first one I shrugged it off, but now with the second I absolutely believe it... after researching it I feel like I can’t get the trauma out of my head and it has been eating at me. Maybe because the event that caused the ptsd/arrest was one year to this day. I wish I never knew, because now I feel like the symptoms are even worse rather then just forgetting about/changing intrusive thoughts now when I get them I think immediately PTSD and I spiral on them. I wish I was never diagnosed.",4.926774193548387,6.976358344086022,6.1212688172043,73.26190322580645,70.39784946236558,9.476129032258065,29.06666666666667,9.888512548439397,3.0481724731182798,796,31,142,21,15,266,118,186,0.07400000000000001,0.825,0.1,0.6753,0,0,1,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,2,1,9,5,0,0,13,0,11,7,1,2,2,28,25,8,0,3,4,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,8,9,1,0,7,0,1,1,4,1,0,4,11,3,26,4,18,14,1,30,0,0,0,0,5,8,0,1,22,99,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09933135508049594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661724445163415,0.0,0.0,0.25249867906129664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11424910320223387,0.11511292641314515,0.11854095336644692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12398842201613088,0.0,0.07226719334673254,0.0,0.0,0.2274700437149253,0.0,0.0,0.12842649452740526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299500022670721,0.11466180783410054,0.0,0.0,0.09924882777747,0.0,0.0,0.0740122829779641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10070918608931596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113318299649077,0.16010641861501665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953152294189282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11708982668247288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150023307984262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035311258017408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668963502005995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12174975058564745,0.0,0.07914884290854945,0.10949032330698792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10603060059696677,0.0,0.0,0.11257584845790727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17888491054210254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17284981207516406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1518648131245699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.523952360444526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11646964309232992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180130147082114,0.0,0.17792074015897744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10707481901411177,0.0,0.07607903007813613,0.12188532966824316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577189647534799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283903600338192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07216073310200724 ptsd,iDIDit4theWOOKIE,2019/09/07,"When you figured out that you had no boundaries, how did you go about building them? I was abused through my entire childhood, from before I can remember til I was 16 when it only stopped because he was arrested for it. My mom stayed with him and keeps trying to push him back into my (and my children's) life. Every so often new memories surface and I ask myself why I still have contact with her. She knew the whole time, she had to have known and she didn't do anything to stand up for us girls. She stayed with him and supports him through it all (and became emotionally/verbally abusive after his arrest because I spoke up about it) And it freaking hurts even 16 years later. So now that I see that I need to distance myself from her, how do I go about it while doing damage control with the rest of the family? Should I even care if they get upset? Finally, would talking to a therapist help sort out how to do it and give me the final push? Thank you for any wisdom that you can share with me.",4.803494395052184,5.460745723618093,5.204120603015074,85.01628527251646,69.15075376884423,7.731117124081948,28.37301894085813,7.61054688173877,1.5770592191727868,785,26,157,8,13,250,120,199,0.138,0.785,0.077,-0.9226,0,0,0,0,1,0,20.0,1,5,2,1,18,9,0,1,5,0,17,1,0,4,1,33,30,18,0,4,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,11,16,0,3,4,0,0,4,2,4,0,0,9,2,37,5,29,19,3,29,0,2,1,0,30,6,0,3,16,126,48,0,0.0,0.3462769474808334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09937244625940413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12025137146337965,0.0,0.13661049762466715,0.0,0.0,0.11236385905519493,0.0,0.17815725371105925,0.0,0.1243446598237864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14898782761401175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16389562951459136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19303309957928427,0.0,0.12311963223518345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13775702135674078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3201534362523992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07634615250433617,0.140179850581669,0.1660964805959869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794690779974592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643366860505895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988579727895486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1032149385210832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711440283247906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083524914594136,0.0,0.1411318944225932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11113737089906768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16553519656980292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11644555997993995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31150724931900203,0.11669847380323554,0.12217003718731095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16582498237862267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1174526184118292,0.0,0.13453556468434805,0.0,0.16966654577063262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08520875090195684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09921171458351484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17577469098894422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13185831579342536,0.1631473424900311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038055515351073,0.0,0.0,0.0941020153556212 ptsd,MissHoney97,2019/09/07,"Questioning I’ve never been diagnosed with ptsd but I’m wondering if it’s possible I could have it... I’ve been dealing with pretty bad emotional manipulation/abuse since I was a child (22 years of it) and recently had a very bad run in with my aunt where she cornered me. I don’t want to get into details too much (it triggers me), but it was a lot of the usual stuff (my father and his side of the family blame my mom and myself for the lack of relationship with them when they’ve never tried to have one at all, I can never do anything right, etc...). This also led to her talking to some people who are pretty important to me and getting them successfully on her side. None of this came with any threat of harm, the most she did was grab me (literally) and pull me into a hug. But I have depression, anxiety, social anxiety, panic disorder, and ocd and just her cornering me sent everything off the walls. I was suicidal that night, numerous panic attacks, etc... lots of fun. I don’t know if any of this would be enough to trigger ptsd or not, but I feel like I have it(??) I keep getting definite flashbacks (mostly auditory, but sometimes it feels like a bad movie I can’t turn off) (these also come with terrible headaches), I dissociate bad when things that remind me of this whole mess are even brought up, I have been having the worst panic attacks of my life when something that reminds of this is brought up, I’ve been having terrible nightmares related to this, I can’t go or even think about going near where it happened without shutting down, I have changed my number to prevent them from contacting me because they were trying to... I could go on for hours... I’m a mess and it’s only been getting worse. Would this situation causing me to feel so intensely suicidal and continuing to bring up those feelings for months now (this has been dragged on for close to 4 months at this point) be enough to tip me over?? I feel like it doesn’t qualify trauma wise but I feel like I have every other symptom in the book... TL;DR I’m a stressy, upsetty, and really depressy and if you read all of this you’re a saint.",6.103260869565215,6.088610594202898,6.699818840579709,77.75233695652177,66.2463768115942,10.185024154589373,32.70893719806763,9.928628108626363,3.036325603864735,1662,64,325,34,24,546,213,414,0.258,0.667,0.075,-0.9984,0,0,1,0,1,0,67.0,0,1,4,1,14,26,3,3,15,0,39,4,0,4,5,68,68,28,2,9,14,3,7,4,0,2,3,0,0,1,29,22,0,2,10,2,0,12,11,18,0,1,17,7,46,8,55,45,16,55,1,1,0,1,23,28,0,12,19,240,75,4,0.0,0.09577742421054032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12928901651638075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10994248400844384,0.0,0.1236786150297413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06652112824914437,0.0,0.0,0.18392520633508733,0.0,0.0,0.269978684895977,0.049276866360887184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09245483225819816,0.0,0.0830408242244904,0.0855137540034126,0.06963304364913367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12908191319409534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08333835137261363,0.06962391570924274,0.08204682351951406,0.0,0.0,0.09264504248238713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092960326308254,0.0,0.16705036332082576,0.18030698332742945,0.1067828118480449,0.0,0.06810780406274418,0.0,0.07265017127459095,0.0,0.07620497274480173,0.0,0.2452386181757925,0.23099697626841026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893386379767938,0.0,0.13782285997655228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714829948568781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960716237467826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07185073794494662,0.0,0.0,0.044425343490299786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057096847038284576,0.15796951698345393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13744772800017524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09467412902426307,0.12904502453031294,0.0,0.0594237503206593,0.0,0.18703708578636408,0.0,0.0,0.07585909624654523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05477655570713732,0.06147940944774175,0.0,0.2845308350743117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05604149402374724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641613463049353,0.09113042762258088,0.0,0.16447851627118135,0.0,0.0,0.18898588204387884,0.0,0.09055480374696423,0.0,0.08085786068943583,0.0,0.051785602122116935,0.0,0.07981578338130049,0.0867875962147456,0.0,0.06903348978618888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06686836239585474,0.09086303439894633,0.0,0.08240210712192028,0.0,0.0622314907911697,0.07994885645601177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253786335568426,0.17684289546577814,0.0,0.0,0.08401954029738619,0.0,0.06497290299055289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05370383674063866,0.05179643538145017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976465564282244,0.0879263393947462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08902941741215949,0.06669815372136105,0.04767915853212713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09025049079453903,0.0,0.0779230052132614,0.08766317785136987,0.0,0.0,0.08237877505636368,0.1148471293525814,0.0,0.0,0.05205572423662985 ptsd,ptsdthroway,2019/08/04,"PTSD and Work I'm not exactly sure if this belongs here, but I honestly don't know where this belongs. Recently, I was involved in a workplace incident. I had what I thought was a near death experience at my job. Technically I could sue them over the whole thing but I have no desire to. However, I am dreading going back to work. I have taken a week long sabbatical after the incident, but I have to return tomorrow. I have to use the piece of machinery that failed on me at least twice a day if not more (could be up to 20). This machinery item people also tend to use in non-work situations without problems, but when I encountered it over the weekend I just could not function. I was shaking and kept thinking I was going to die even though I wasn't using it. I want to quit, but I'm early in my career and I need a good reference. I could ask to avoid this machinery, but since it is a large part of the job I don't think they would agree. How can I quit fast without burning bridges?",3.464366666666667,4.7351733700000045,4.949999999999998,83.32166666666667,72.8,8.533333333333335,28.833333333333336,9.029198982220553,2.2966833333333336,774,31,160,16,15,260,116,200,0.14,0.764,0.096,-0.8705,3,1,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,2,5,9,8,0,3,11,0,21,0,0,4,2,39,38,15,2,11,14,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,2,5,1,0,3,9,5,0,1,9,0,25,3,24,23,6,26,0,1,0,0,4,11,0,2,12,122,35,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1062462862316048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12420405190178035,0.0,0.0,0.10215940081207772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4243043768472137,0.0,0.0,0.08568225089354937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13788535800888135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08775128389027187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299603625757387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15101223006541462,0.1114347684512135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2636816122214117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730151390672808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11757491861694375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851233036195456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438719849235136,0.0,0.09210682817963008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712691381637842,0.1553035877167668,0.0,0.0,0.28262111935797524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1311809896218832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10990129498043676,0.14933766565390294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12521684711734235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826477861494672,0.17025974974810426,0.13053205444619798,0.1054742047634591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34423928954282723,0.0,0.0,0.07836293694823827,0.0,0.10657046472508414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833092146361124,0.0,0.2561402395652398,0.0,0.29016604992549283,0.0,0.0,0.09437832622484613,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Purplesky-Dragonfly,2019/08/04,"Are these flashbacks and how do I help? (TW) My partner has severe PTSD and is diagnosed with DID as well (for those familiar with it, he is the host of a system of 15+ and still occasionally growing). I’ve seen him have intense episodes where he will be unresponsive and shake, cry, mutter, and fail to recognize who I am. A handful of times now I have watched him go very quiet and still, and become totally unresponsive to his environment. If I pat his hand, say his name, try to look him in the eyes, I get nothing. It usually lasts a few minutes from what I can tell. Every time except for the most recent one, when he’s come back he has not remembered what was happening and wasn’t aware he spaced out. This time, however, when he became responsive again it was similar to when he wakes up from nightmares, but worse. He went from still and unresponsive to shaking aggressively and being unable to speak or respond in any way but shaking his head “no.” At first I asked “what happened?” and “are you okay?” and “do you want to talk about it?” but I know that asking questions often overwhelms and does not help. A few minutes went by and I said “it’s okay, I won’t ask any more questions. We don’t have to talk about it.” and finally he nodded. I held him and he eventually calmed down. How do I help him, not just in the moment, but if he opens up later about the flashbacks/recovered memories/whatever else is going on? Has someone done something for you that really helped? And what do you recommend for helping support him in the long run? Thank you so much in advance for your support 💐",3.4626997518610447,5.3508897612903255,4.438064516129035,84.4801736972705,73.96774193548387,7.736972704714639,27.084367245657567,8.502166056373571,1.9151513647642684,1246,47,247,23,26,404,178,310,0.071,0.7979999999999999,0.131,0.9615,1,0,1,0,0,0,42.0,1,6,0,3,19,13,1,4,10,2,27,6,5,2,1,47,47,31,0,3,12,0,2,0,1,2,1,4,0,1,16,23,0,1,4,0,0,11,7,6,1,2,10,10,30,7,38,33,6,47,0,2,4,0,48,14,0,7,20,173,46,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1511699004916946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3117271855942784,0.0,0.0,0.08546651527474669,0.0,0.0,0.12275504365997185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574479214572697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12209166462890207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128136248599949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09726700572115213,0.11374374440664077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092850504561703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09364760179588197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217580046636146,0.0,0.0945430559514661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058070625769223415,0.0,0.126336773365584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19657691595421198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140706670015681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3725032658173984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06108443715190377,0.09060105264237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09836313151823146,0.09333694263265796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170710807414037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10665020751003404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753172583847546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12992692151977453,0.0,0.24902403824934785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07120472481867579,0.0,0.1097459652675409,0.0,0.12590984792709614,0.0,0.10572789838106428,0.08838993407833551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12556643164804496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417596121993473,0.08556772529924295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2662905664964185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522605312520533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867428352781367,0.0971488921749223,0.10233082052159996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1944351610492544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546269406536332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241462699711282,0.09170934559076838,0.0655584027942813,0.0882246911202132,0.0,0.0,0.09993605986044872,0.20607197904847074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132700551584932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,foxtoothart,2019/08/04,"Hey everyone! Figured I'd introduce myself to this subreddit, My name is Keeley, I'm a 19 y/o who has been diagnosed with Chronic PTSD, Major Depression, Anxiety and Bipolar disorder. I've been wondering if anyone has gone through the process of getting disability benefits for their PTSD, as mine has completely stunted how I interact with everyone (aggression and irritatability when a specific topic/person is either brought up or present, irrational fear, tension that tends to boil over much easier than most, Inability to manage emotional outbursts, and sleep issues caused by nightterrors.) I've had most of these problems since I was 13 years old, A lot happened throughout the last 6 years, and I've become worse and worse over time, to where I absolutely cannot manage to hold a job anymore. My boyfriend and I are losing money incredibly fast, I only recently applied, but in MA you usually get denied the first time. I'm struggled to pay for gas & car repairs which is gonna make my life incredibly hard if I want to keep receiving treatment and the medications I need to stay afloat. Is there anything I can do to help myself, or even if anyone is going through this themselves? My boyfriend is really patient and kind with me, but sometimes I don't think he gets it because he hasn't exactly been in my shoes.",11.45628099173554,8.925675619834713,10.865355371900833,60.266214876033104,57.26446280991736,14.638677685950412,46.92727272727272,13.023866798666859,6.166570578512398,1068,55,174,30,10,349,163,242,0.131,0.805,0.064,-0.8852,1,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,1,1,2,5,9,1,3,8,0,20,8,2,3,1,35,37,18,0,6,8,1,1,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,7,11,1,2,3,0,2,5,3,7,0,1,7,1,20,2,26,29,6,24,0,2,0,0,11,6,0,9,12,107,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055683021593907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09923916184209956,0.0,0.12865220173288916,0.18141327492921286,0.0,0.10675250544564102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07907906980820634,0.14327091448283608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326316425412485,0.0,0.0,0.13601404624077287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11173183072091668,0.13166800090581945,0.0,0.0,0.14867592691860104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459230055623275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568204571497101,0.0,0.0,0.24791532347194015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459765317084921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034389855042144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033276534427268,0.0,0.07372562671655107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11471526413606438,0.0,0.11620799284690438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08695183831196705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539904891889765,0.12873190539755106,0.1153054149204076,0.0,0.13508847774941432,0.0,0.10574307399649943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0916285041281122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14512893456493,0.0,0.1102874358720639,0.0,0.0,0.0865923505202723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306841474049847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953626974868423,0.09618933899720478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361244171481432,0.0,0.0,0.09866160067646272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327074290622767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412917006249817,0.3032828355898781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.083105066285736,0.0,0.12808764785449922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10730974366623733,0.0,0.1298185444534911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12830120232218026,0.0,0.0,0.1382694389452779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356165886122901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08312245140241101,0.0,0.0,0.15128721666925046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14287360448123565,0.0,0.07651508272350976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406810755811396,0.0,0.0,0.26440142746444817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16707711162788624 ptsd,namapootalie,2019/08/04,"Opinions on trauma releasing yoga? I think I once read somewhere that it can re-traumatize people. Are the potential benefits worth the risk? Hey everyone, I suffer from ptsd from sexual abuse and for years my hips have been holding onto a lot of tension and it’s painful and I just want it gone. I thought maybe I should do some hip stretching yoga poses today and then I remember reading somewhere that trauma release yoga (primarily stretches for the psoas) can help not only with the hip tightness and pain but also with lingering emotional pain and symptoms of ptsd. I also think I remember reading that it’s potentially dangerous and can actually re-traumatize people and that’s something I’m not sure I wanna risk. What are your thoughts on this?",5.80318513603185,8.046852065693432,6.321287325812873,71.92502322495027,68.48905109489051,9.361380225613805,34.352355673523554,9.800150414767053,3.9225094890510936,611,30,94,15,11,198,85,137,0.214,0.7290000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.9684,0,0,1,0,1,0,12.0,0,1,0,0,3,12,1,3,5,0,9,7,3,0,1,29,16,12,0,3,4,0,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,10,10,0,2,6,6,1,1,2,10,0,0,4,1,12,2,12,11,2,9,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,3,3,65,22,3,0.0,0.16576649314148026,0.13652870087793634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22376658222212653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15737614140189518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368679205881595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09377647306951883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189436239732666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14055502668329095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14899600773846494,0.0,0.10640530572380746,0.4466115939208299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939872994350888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3270867553380669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4198335083624562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3169739045753908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10770696828035244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1318603544174676,0.1454165704001492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17929305410298105,0.0,0.2221404921492237,0.0,0.0,0.1326151378216411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08252056234497909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0900952904692592 ptsd,Brodydexter123,2019/08/04,"PTSD/MST/MDD I'm fucked up...obviously. However, I am a Very loving maternal person. Lately I feel like shit because I'm being told I need to ""chill"" Why am I stuck apologizing for taking care of people? I don't helicopter parent outside of my head and always just make sure everyone is okay. WHY AM I BEING TOLD TO CHILL FOR ASKING IF SOMEONE NEEDS ANYTHING WHILE IM AT THE STORE?????",0.2946153846153834,2.590138133333337,2.8653333333333366,84.7952307692308,101.0,5.5076923076923086,19.102564102564106,7.010146845296331,0.9689487179487184,300,10,55,6,13,103,58,75,0.142,0.6679999999999999,0.19,0.5794,2,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,2,0,2,1,7,4,2,1,1,8,21,3,0,3,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,3,1,7,5,7,16,0,3,0,0,0,2,7,1,2,1,3,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15714593006586744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1554149768136917,0.0,0.17655779774046187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512677617621694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925544756153184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18046299751142625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09549285357594343,0.13492100425720624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459722768968833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1938239590575391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.204000274912056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130413311586651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09226703404406462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17045274349350953,0.0,0.12606493957375028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28007331214511233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20970572018768652,0.0,0.0,0.1309311450894904,0.16490451262902722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2207662230709556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19386118878470868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16001973278061127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17799750031122105,0.0,0.1419985662130573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3609259950228525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15582856585501026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3408319895622702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwawayyy0303,2019/08/04,"(TW: (childhood) sexual assault/trauma) was I sexually assaulted? When I was maybe 8-9 ish, I would hang out with the neighbour boys. The boys clearly only saw me as a sexual object to experiment on. First incident, two of them lay me down and one took his penis out while the other covered my eyes and told me “it would be over soon” (something along those lines). No penetration actually occurred but I remember feeling his penis on my vagina, I think I got up and left? I remember heavy persuasion was involved in getting me to even lie down and I felt sick the entire time. The second incident two/three boys cornered me behind a shed and told me if I didn’t show them my vagina and boobs they wouldn’t let me leave. They then proceeded to flash me their penises as encouragement. I remember barging out but was met with some resistance. I’ve had sexual issues and i don’t know if they’re related to these incidents or not, it took me some time to be okay with even seeing my boyfriend’s penis and I have a really low sex drive, and it’ll “spike” every so often and I’ll be very turned on for a couple of days, and even then it can sometimes dissipate almost immediately if I try anything with my boyfriend. Help?",4.2516877637130825,5.793988282700423,5.527278481012658,78.88602320675106,71.23628691983124,8.979746835443036,27.934599156118146,9.444778638647367,2.5269308016877643,961,35,182,22,18,321,141,237,0.07,0.872,0.057999999999999996,-0.3878,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,5,1,7,4,1,0,9,1,17,7,5,0,1,41,31,24,0,6,7,0,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,3,7,19,0,0,7,1,0,4,5,2,0,4,14,5,34,2,27,9,2,29,0,1,3,5,17,14,1,8,11,128,41,0,0.0,0.0,0.13455239751422174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380683469830267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11346467830282142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15256319275319333,0.0,0.08892212328386156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27320817566180483,0.0,0.11617106145505372,0.0,0.0,0.13487450740915596,0.0,0.0,0.06971699982429433,0.0,0.13238780678074233,0.0,0.0,0.1172818839186688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203736246950565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11027638467960227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09241902399124567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439124024673466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577603447644536,0.0,0.0,0.1459965383083066,0.14980858990071508,0.140993115946333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13852044076666714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09343203333185884,0.10486504962917828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833038224332106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4685783853776711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987365750701143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106147870139528,0.13636827151344216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08834886046697073,0.0,0.0,0.1607995549991718,0.0,0.0,0.2635032527494858,0.3063827102084066,0.09361244817501284,0.14997541497498418,0.2693802672719722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113766629559289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19589404041956815,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwawayphiwtd,2019/08/04,"How can I help myself without access to medicine? I want to apologize for bad English skills. I am not nativespeaker of the language. I am using a dictionary and Google Translate. This post can consist of things that are graphic. Hello everyone. I have 14 to 16 years. I do not want to tell the exact age. I think I have PTSD. I experience many of the symptoms. My stomach constricts, I have difficulty respiration. I fall in emotion, and I cry and remember bad things. I ask for help. I live in a country where mental health is taboo. I have no access to a therapist, or medicine. Please give me resources. I need them. I do not want to respond specifying my location. For everyone, I would like to keep my experiences hidden. CAUTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have experienced fighting with arms and bullets, and witnessed sexual assault survivors.",2.6142285714285727,5.614729146666669,4.030380952380952,78.88900000000002,87.53333333333332,6.857142857142858,30.47619047619048,7.957251820313856,2.9262190476190484,652,35,108,15,21,214,94,150,0.147,0.75,0.10300000000000001,-0.8926,0,0,0,0,2,0,40.0,0,0,1,1,2,5,2,0,6,0,14,4,2,2,1,24,23,7,0,5,5,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,6,0,3,2,0,0,1,5,4,0,0,0,1,25,1,17,22,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,3,0,1,3,78,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1521989219208214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718675768198223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17883156096840389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1831315750711728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31113067810478795,0.0,0.3185053429997314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617556852892572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17305208253836518,0.0,0.0,0.21824697269688675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14470687584344016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07953737127476716,0.0,0.14375812020250991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16505679068581866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406723334354353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207164359569687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17870891520948165,0.0,0.0,0.15592036709588195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19030811200603684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18442417600363126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692147573425429,0.0,0.0,0.14229708544640346,0.0,0.0,0.18902694742587065,0.21631829144186399,0.10431765293237936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14060960693037527,0.0,0.0,0.2880764598123439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15693637898866172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11565065136097437,0.0,0.0,0.10483985884490347 ptsd,TonsilsWithHoles,2019/08/04,need a combat wet.! am a cab scout sniper and having some suicidal stuff in my head. help plsss,0.08087719298245942,2.4279925263157907,1.1642105263157916,97.99614035087721,97.42105263157896,4.63859649122807,11.596491228070176,6.42735559955562,-0.8686982456140355,74,1,16,1,3,23,18,19,0.301,0.586,0.113,-0.6696,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,1,1,0,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,9,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806403344029505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3139108395784243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472597790833658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5361242873666809,0.5122755587247247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Lilliah03,2019/08/04,"How do I deal with feeling like I’m trapped? Now I don’t mean mentally where I feel like I’m trapped inside my head. I mean like I feel physically trapped even though I’m not. I go into complete panic mode and angrily “push” against the force trapping me and I realize it wasn’t actually there. I know this may be the wrong subreddit but this is the first thought that came to mind when I started feeling like this. Has anyone else felt like this?",2.148333333333333,4.433213611111113,3.1255555555555574,90.465,79.55555555555556,6.666666666666668,27.777777777777786,7.793537801064563,1.6677777777777782,355,16,75,6,9,113,60,90,0.14,0.6940000000000001,0.166,0.3421,0,3,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,8,7,0,1,3,0,7,1,1,1,0,20,22,6,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,10,0,0,3,3,2,0,1,4,5,11,5,4,16,0,9,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,9,43,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.16148063042746028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570461270244935,0.1695496379101156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18926037235158572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349835670539976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17059841034484755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13823390006151015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929528634409616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33467839417571904,0.35464809685574705,0.15888283594206104,0.0,0.0,0.14075373536844704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404378030011797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16982603655929293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0909412395810786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4042158867504404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3605035816350241,0.0,0.0,0.1667608097922922,0.0,0.1670835101071942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19415034158259412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11712470983126345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16257925394709752,0.13136939883356022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18092194469534764,0.0,0.0 ptsd,htownaliens,2019/02/26,"Panic attack while dreaming A couple years ago I was involved in an incident that left me with pretty bad ptsd & occasional panic attacks (that were mainly in the months following the incident when something reminded me of it. I still occasionally get panic attacks and sometimes they aren’t related to the incident, the last major panic attack I had was probably very recent after the incident. I was too prideful to admit I needed help/ therapy and lately my anxiety has been getting bad, not even relating to the accident but school, etc. Yesterday there was an incident in my college town that resulted in a student death. I didn’t know the student, but several of my friends did from either back home or here at school so I was pretty upset to hear the news. Later that night I had a dream that I was at the scene of the incident and although they weren’t really similar incidents, I think it subconsciously reminded me of my incident and I had the worst panic attack I’ve ever had, all while dreaming. It was so vivid. I think I knew I was dreaming but I still could not calm down. I woke up later, not immediately after that and was soaked in sweat. It was different than the usual nightmare/ being scared etc. It was like I was reliving my past trauma again for the first time. TL; DR - Had a dream of an event that reminded me of past trauma that I never received help for & relived a similar experience leading to a massive panic attack all while dreaming but it felt the exact same as if I was awake. Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Does this mean I should seek help/ therapy for unresolved trauma? 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My gp doesn't seem to want to do anything but pump me full of meds. I don't know what to do anymore. My anxiety won't allow me to talk about it with anyone because I'm afraid that they will think I'm crazy and not want me around anymore. What can I do? I'm 21 but my parents are my carers and so they make these decisions for me, and usually without ever consulting me. ",3.457115384615385,4.877285096153846,5.0242307692307735,82.19576923076926,73.03846153846153,7.507692307692308,27.42307692307693,8.07648339933343,1.7702346153846156,406,15,80,6,8,137,64,104,0.098,0.902,0.0,-0.7645,1,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,0,4,1,0,1,0,0,14,0,0,2,1,23,24,8,0,2,4,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,9,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,1,0,0,1,0,15,0,13,21,1,4,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,2,60,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15541147712527711,0.0,0.6044195155096174,0.1420492903383357,0.0,0.16717759652715206,0.18084922718187327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384017378281235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837635052517981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21203893506602345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22329513479642485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356061946947673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22565716827111795,0.0,0.2047304263327769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255773478060601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18494284724027416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328667368163816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301722295405619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374431124247876,0.0,0.23964978759784014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19583222757340016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,quietcal,2019/02/26,"Disclosure of diagnosis to employer? What are your experiences with disclosing your PTSD diagnosis to your employer? What went into your choice? Also, if you ultimately chose not to disclose, how has that been? Dealing with a probable (not yet official) PTSD diagnosis due to an emotionally abusive relationship in my past. Could potentially affect my performance at work now that I am dealing with it in therapy. Have been at my job for about 8 months, genuinely like it, not sure how I should handle this (i.e. bring it up to my supervisor or not).",6.157500000000002,8.682906416666674,7.404583333333335,63.34875,68.16666666666666,12.3,34.91666666666667,11.698219412168324,5.347441666666667,440,22,70,18,8,149,67,96,0.07200000000000001,0.902,0.025,-0.6829999999999999,3,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,5,0,2,6,2,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,3,1,16,10,5,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,3,0,11,2,17,5,0,13,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,2,6,57,19,4,0.0,0.2454987990815219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16569822455984104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1654327986657645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4272293883042009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23307275786593284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2026819205238949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2056145986078127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10122773459034548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16538552174882426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19779639358403586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22339726403975188,0.0,0.4844127670749006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22245587435151892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19528408933838826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369519146380001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19207700840560152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15084448597537312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,eyeBallzandTeeth,2019/02/26,"Loneliness and PTSD Hey, I am just wondering if any fellow people with PTSD suffer from really bad loneliness? I see therapists and such and they arent linking it to depression, more on the trauma side of things. I am wondering what you guys do? I do try and hang with people, but im just not feeling any connection or anything. I dunno what to do to. 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Okay, I'm only ignorant if I don't know the backstory of said behavior. Gosh... Am I a bad person? Well enough of talking around the bush, let's get into the actual thing I want to ask. I myself am not effected by anything PTSD-ish (Well in college I was heavy breathing at night, stressed out and such, but it went away once I turned 22, never happened since even if I tried to force it) So do know that there has to be some kind of trigger, and that it is different to each and every person individuall. If I somehow trigger someone, especially someone I know and love, should I just pretend like it was nothing or should I actually... I don't know, help? (Side note: I'm currently at university, studying animal (dog) psychology)",4.382050691244238,5.902557758064518,5.705407066052231,77.82096774193552,70.88172043010752,9.185253456221199,29.952380952380967,9.606745405546679,2.84900583717358,757,31,144,18,14,254,122,186,0.149,0.748,0.10300000000000001,-0.9054,2,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,1,14,11,2,1,7,1,19,2,1,3,1,34,33,16,0,6,9,1,0,1,0,2,0,1,0,5,13,10,0,2,5,1,0,1,5,5,2,0,7,1,15,6,20,22,3,14,0,0,0,1,12,10,0,6,4,104,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.2555398306939588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10894520546928667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077451803866328,0.11655648250888286,0.12240295083669687,0.0,0.12301412540761107,0.0,0.10932204124573418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679518446716096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13528687804454392,0.0,0.17295757945758314,0.0,0.11031514088265937,0.0,0.11767247512374016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840612188701845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157819835313774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776038992960951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363446444887219,0.28782534356139955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1338859717238835,0.0,0.06396634629836732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11817047476139173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10098217452338094,0.0,0.0,0.1228700147483756,0.0,0.12563196965020004,0.0,0.0,0.13943740161126847,0.0,0.0995790395526822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.342972089770032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061030154972837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12454550657428025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658974446468689,0.0,0.0,0.10830760027875463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22187507700157266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499811899459353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052374987799513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2609545145747953,0.0,0.12863919009362035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08889365629832546,0.1424154933653742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722658457454798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23544565608402085,0.1213744877858694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,coronetheart,2019/02/26,"the numb bubble Disclaimer: I have already started the process of getting a diagnosis and I know this group can’t give me one, just need some validation I guess? So I think I have PTSD and my therapist agrees but part of me feels my traumas are wrong for it? In the last few tears I experienced 2 sudden deaths of family members in a 3 week span, then had to help care for my mother after she nearly died on the operating table. Combined with an entire childhood of watching grandparents die and dealing with a chronically ill parent, I’ve shut down. One of those deaths was a best friend/basically sister I was codependent on since childhood, and I learned of her passing pretty horrifically and went in to shock. My mother said to me the other day that’s like I have no emotions anymore. I don’t trust people. I lose my shit when I get a text just saying “call me” because of how I got notified of one death. I completely lose my sense of reality all the time, sometimes when I’m driving!, and am either stonecold numb or sobbing randomly. I have zero motivation and I’m sick of this. I want to let people in but I struggle to tell my coworkers basic details of my life without being terrified. I’m just so damn over it. I’m quitting my job as soon as I can because it’s high stress and I’m already too stressed and hyper vigilant. ",3.845843329698294,5.593964431297714,5.2192257360959635,79.86479643765904,72.62595419847328,7.891239549254818,30.03344238458743,8.563005593585519,2.4077366048709563,1059,46,199,19,21,354,162,262,0.26,0.619,0.121,-0.9934,3,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,0,0,5,10,17,2,3,12,0,14,7,1,2,1,31,33,20,5,2,8,4,1,1,0,0,6,2,0,0,8,11,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,13,0,4,6,5,33,4,33,25,6,28,0,3,1,0,14,12,3,4,14,134,41,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27361092228484085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12294626141985568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15114356161062514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13010027738505595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265886033247846,0.0,0.12639704773813387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12998159581139462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995126115939,0.12780901237677414,0.0,0.0,0.2573253655980696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13945107621466027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168691502087084,0.0,0.0626836365839784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09577995305718533,0.0,0.1295398213029034,0.11892460981308615,0.0,0.0,0.09915120900888767,0.0,0.136568412364059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08309537885900935,0.13098253171817598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12302243009368832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06813140867891038,0.10105319181326697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267690988295067,0.08756462672465312,0.0605661367748332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.277384447188105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09192318093946916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.252018573838666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1376555067900696,0.13424888492285916,0.0,0.1718922413348287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12612342562325393,0.0,0.0,0.1449158673009167,0.0,0.0,0.13185878456333686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792513755098248,0.09858698880726836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725480337494094,0.10255037706295328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226108294200456,0.0,0.08774755554984658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2840175120069226,0.12960176609346866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10835641914835492,0.0,0.0,0.14394028578558904,0.0,0.07943583166340397,0.0,0.0,0.07228868779377051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312151083599845,0.0,0.09944233453552076,0.0,0.0,0.1149226781521195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11950395194654576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554320360931849,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AppleSparrow,2019/02/26,"Just having a rough night. Almost two years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety brought on by PTSD. Depression was always the main diagnoses I got since I was fifteen and begged for help. I guess its better than what I thought I had. I thought I had some kind of psychosis like schizophrenia. Maybe every ghost I saw was me haunting myself. I have repressed memories that I began to recover when I was twenty-two. I'm twenty-nine now and the first time I saw someone about my past was two years ago, when I was diagnosed with PTSD. I haven't seen a counselor in over a year now. I know I have to, but its an endeavor for me to make an appointment and find the way to get there. &#x200B; I'm just having a rough night. I'm going on a date on Friday and I'm afraid to start something new. If it gets anywhere there's going to be so many questions that I don't want to answer. Then it will be like I'm keeping secrets. I don't trust anyone and why should anyone trust me when I'm always hiding something? I can hardly function as an adult... I still feel like that little girl sometimes.",2.8634817813765214,4.722600963800907,3.7363610383424657,88.99184329602288,75.56108597285069,6.462586330078591,24.753750893069785,7.273561745256523,1.0579447963800903,867,29,175,10,19,277,123,221,0.109,0.831,0.06,-0.7958,0,0,2,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,2,12,11,0,2,11,0,21,3,0,1,0,28,46,14,1,3,4,0,4,3,0,2,3,0,0,2,8,8,0,2,8,0,0,3,3,4,0,3,17,7,26,7,21,25,2,31,0,2,3,0,5,6,0,5,24,112,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20088014418882696,0.0,0.1134608793027873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18856147691644135,0.12276839658438345,0.13768075407759586,0.0,0.0,0.08667976333142363,0.0,0.0,0.15845417720337698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021108627476796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19518279807492672,0.3450135292858689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09546627500254576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0572915680911942,0.08094674745672628,0.0,0.0,0.10356080628365637,0.096379119229518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183967602574182,0.0,0.12879028312269605,0.0,0.09062218709418064,0.0,0.12482074944039867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150107205879573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594748510780107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071272157694276,0.0,0.11799210173452013,0.062270720912105636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1660686490839062,0.11356366704104505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563349296874798,0.11487580329430586,0.11383239789730976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943288247353383,0.0,0.21266242373768526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816462507072076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26490030672811976,0.0,0.1269300914377613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09372895751523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09600489537412504,0.17445896826199414,0.11206380269634486,0.0,0.08019947992144423,0.0,0.09048734462750783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17990665640448927,0.06607038941353374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3320542614512708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683157272439343,0.08993804927172516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10224220141319132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768075407759586,0.2188985309606777 ptsd,terrian1337,2019/02/26,"People Have Started Giving Up On Me Background: I suffer from severe PTSD after my time in the US Navy and I am unable to work because of it. Often I struggle completing tasks or general daily taking care of myself. My wife has just stopped asking for my help and she told me today that I'm not helping anyway. I keep trudging forward through all the crap in my head but I don't think I have ever felt this alone. I feel like I'm loosing her and I have things that I know I should do but I just don't. I saw my therapist today and she asked what I thought about an inpatient hospital to maybe get some movement in my life but to be honest that scares me. I just feel like I am making no progress on my recovery and I feel like I may never get anywhere near healthy again. Things are getting worse and I don't know what to do.",2.6081954887218046,4.161541502923978,3.8028111946533016,89.55328947368423,75.49122807017544,6.289223057644111,25.079782790309103,6.868970318607317,0.9141291562238928,651,22,136,6,14,212,105,171,0.124,0.7240000000000001,0.152,0.8414,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,1,0,0,2,8,9,1,2,3,0,15,3,2,1,3,33,38,10,0,1,8,1,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,9,6,0,2,8,0,0,2,6,4,0,0,4,5,33,5,18,31,2,18,0,1,1,0,11,8,1,4,13,100,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15005984538380773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709006728337221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08832212886218829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14772255224324207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15191187944270104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13105911833974934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197785536713801,0.31052316550532977,0.1391148059121279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2270933541855,0.13898937673384118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1486964653840097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1942301923080222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12878274541933846,0.0,0.0,0.15925285848175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023383882572283,0.212354270863061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671359007737852,0.0,0.14555905638675812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174623992150838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044681048800856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693658369504451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505775145731475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16368173385617593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10255218053655764,0.0,0.0,0.12113251122579692,0.0,0.15146796547197205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10893743471213856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822565690712551,0.1925137509460418,0.09283811610215564,0.0,0.11502456079137495,0.08448511773261091,0.0,0.2746729843737808,0.13844629937925446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17428192885612656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10547988968518864,0.0,0.14765283029061468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway271919900,2019/02/26,"Strong urge for everything to be clean and organized I doubt it’s just me, but does anybody else feel their symptoms increase tenfold when they’re surrounded by clutter/general untidiness? Ever since my diagnosis, I’ve noticed I’ve kept my room a lot tidier and insist on the house being as neat as possible. It’s especially frustrating when I can’t control other peoples’ messes, like dang I’m just trying to feel better. ",4.277692307692308,7.17163644871795,5.6099358974359,72.20798076923077,75.53846153846153,9.028205128205126,31.544871794871803,9.516144504307137,3.8408410256410255,345,17,53,10,8,115,64,78,0.073,0.71,0.217,0.9003,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,3,5,7,1,1,2,0,3,1,0,1,1,12,7,7,0,0,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,3,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,1,2,6,4,7,4,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,4,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387831569846345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3028154016221831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362690220542375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255410017753369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24422033062859305,0.0,0.0,0.24264852831480235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2730289034070683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31153083075676274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319028921134883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295348265140312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3073840431548058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1871762421320131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3043718102706202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22333752889375244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2806217445213005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18330467558049046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,myskiniscursed,2019/02/26,Helpful coping skills? I’ve been recently diagnosed and have been in trauma therapy for about a month now. I’m trying to find coping skills to help me deal with flashbacks. My therapist suggested grounding but I feel like it hasn’t really been beneficial. What works for you all? Any help or advice would be appreciated!,3.8266502463054164,6.986270137931037,4.934532019704439,74.44224137931037,80.3793103448276,8.83152709359606,25.52709359605912,9.23628265651192,3.047612807881774,260,10,42,8,7,85,49,58,0.027999999999999997,0.6779999999999999,0.294,0.9585,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,3,2,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,0,0,1,8,9,3,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,3,1,4,1,7,4,1,5,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,1,4,26,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2476647675291566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17235215865278972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2612919816607288,0.0,0.25724263503281714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815005230182866,0.1810620701414661,0.0,0.0,0.2316453046030333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5096390889457773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12382104833717313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022983994021225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16236417420213745,0.0,0.2502476214613101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2898379045496863,0.2942706606859195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17207338468328226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1845119073832764,0.0,0.0,0.18004096266801953,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lanasoul,2019/01/28,"I’m sorry if this is not the appropriate group for this! /Trigger warning/ *long* kind of Since 2001 (when I was aged 9-10) I’ve experienced this. I’ve only recently begun thinking it could be some kind of PTSD-like symptom, but I don’t know. But sometimes, I get The Feeling. The Feeling is when I’m met with an overwhelming and very, very deep feeling of disgust, discomfort and trauma. Things that can trigger it are hearing about child sexual abuse, especially when it’s described in detail, and (this one is odd) androgynous or feminine sounding men. For instance, I liked of one of the songs of Cigarettes After Sex. But when I heard another, the singer’s feminine but male voice was an instant trigger and I had an anxiety attack + the ‘feeling’. I’ve never been able to properly describe The Feeling, but the best words I can describe it with are disgust, discomfort, wrong, no. The thing is though, I have no recollection of anything in my past or childhood that would explain it. The closest thing to an incident I can think of is when I was 6, the teenage boy next door came up to me and said that if I kissed him he’d give me candy. I said no. He then started following me around school (I was in pre-school. I think that’s the proper term. I’m not American.) but this school had classes from grade 0 to grade 10. I just feel like this shouldn’t be “enough” to trigger such a serious condition. Perhaps my mind is weak. I am by the way diagnosed with schizophrenia, anxiety and depression. C",3.3751317540590904,5.565406211072665,4.342231833910033,83.72866316209742,75.12456747404845,7.767953154112322,29.800505722651053,8.617729084823388,2.4680251796646253,1181,54,225,24,26,382,160,289,0.192,0.732,0.076,-0.99,0,0,1,1,1,0,48.0,0,0,0,1,10,17,3,3,18,0,27,5,0,4,1,47,51,23,0,5,13,0,6,2,0,2,3,7,1,4,18,11,0,0,12,1,0,2,8,11,0,2,12,14,23,6,27,33,4,27,0,2,0,2,15,7,0,5,19,148,41,5,0.11650213532340938,0.13803597978809262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12216264689490125,0.1782476292840821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958713307459097,0.10371160032486502,0.0,0.13253799772471275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12226180341135555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332474062869992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301747519071203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034311844180133,0.11824721500257765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12037784877289168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3534418807020712,0.08322914875327099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06086755725817121,0.11175946399181036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13130637362677164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24263809221546265,0.06402652677969213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17075117570657458,0.0,0.0,0.10310072365281912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11763394565108867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985362889023779,0.0,0.12390134260435468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788972398820542,0.08860512370073141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112144706575822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618476174875485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11503180370953744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216404188262151,0.0,0.0,0.3537191420983503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09637177023937199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11522359078673855,0.13041460232425345,0.08246081101510888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12109032647192973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321965259760457,0.22394959249558524,0.1144627564416002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225292546490694,0.0,0.09247397229168623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08275977432419171,0.12737679616455114,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kin-Of-The-Cosmos,2019/01/28,"Everything keeps hitting me all at once Let me start this by saying I have PTSD. Everything hits me a bit harder than most people so if you think this is nothing, it may be for you but for me it's hell. Let's start with last week. I contacted Amazon over a pretty simple request. I'm on disability and didn't receive my cheque for December. I've been scraping by for that month and this by dumpster diving and panhandling. Merry Christmas to me I guess. At any rate, I contacted Amazon customer service with an off hand request. I had gotten a Prime trial and asked them if they could extend it for a month for free. I explained the situation. Didn't expect anything from it at all, but the reaction I got was weird. The person I was chatting to on their website started asking for order numbers. I said nevermind and ended the chat. 13 hours later he emails me to say he didn't understand what I was talking about and said to contact again. So I did. Weirdly, the second person was like ""No problem, done. Go enjoy The Grand Tour!"" So I tried to get on Prime and it didn't work. Figured I'd let it be for a couple days. While waiting, my roommate comes back. He left in November to go to India for the holidays. I forgot how much noise he made. He's on the phone at all hours of the day and night. He often puts the other person on speaker phone and will yell his responses. I can't sleep. I mean I can't afford my medication to sleep properly anyway, but this asshole is so fucking loud that I couldn't sleep if I did have the meds. I've gotten maybe 2-3 hours sleep since he returned last week. I turned the music on once at 10AM and he had the nerve to tell me to turn it down. That pissed me off even more. While all this is going on, I'm waiting for the government to tell me what happened to my disability cheque. They keep saying they're doing investigations and will have another sent out as soon as it's done, but that does fucking nothing for me. We don't have food stamps here so I can't go get that. Food bank is miles away and my knees are fucked, so getting there is hell to begin with and coming back takes multiple hours. Even if I did get there, I don't have a current statement from the government with my address on it because they didn't send the goddamned cheque. So I go back to Amazon. Prime still isn't working. So Customer Service tells me it's just a glitch and they'll reach out to me in 12 hours. They do. 12 hours later they say I never had prime to begin with. So I contact customer service AGAIN. This time I get someone who calls me darling every 3 seconds despite me asking repeatedly for her to knock it off. She says that they did give me an extension on the prime but it was an extension of nothing because the prime was already over. She then hangs up on me. So I say fuck it and tweet Amazon. They respond and ask what's wrong. I explain. At this point I don't care about the free prime. I had no right to it anyway, I always thought it was a longshot, but being told a half dozen different things is just bizarre and confusing. They then don't respond for a day. So I say ""Uh hello?"" And another amazon rep comes on twitter to ask what's wrong. I explain again. No response. Today, 4 days later, I say that it's the worst service I've received. Amazon immediately jumps on and gives me a link to contact. I do and don't even get a chance to explain. The dude just says another department will reach out to me. Then I turn to Canada Post and ask why the hell I didn't get stuff delivered. They shrug and say ""We deliver until 8PM."" I'm checking the mail continuously. We have no mail and no one else has gotten mail in the neighborhood. We live next door to a Canada Post and have never had this problem before. Maybe it's the weather? No. People across the road got their mail. Just that we didn't. So no cheque for me today despite being told I'd get it today. That means no eating today, no meds today, no paying bills today. Sitting in the dark crying all night. Like I said it in't much. But this is overwhelming to all hell to me and I'm freaking the fuck out. I want to beat the shit out of my roommate because he won't shut the fuck up, I want to scream my goddamn head off at Amazon because they won't give me a straight fucking answer. I want to lose my shit at the government because they lost my cheque and i've been without any money since the start of December. To top it all off, a storm kicked up at 3PM and I can't go dumpster diving for any food. Tomorrow it's going to be worse and colder so I won't be able to go dumpster diving then either AND the mail likely won't show up again. I just fucking want this all to stop. everythnig. I can't get a breather. Meds I'm on barely work to begin with so when this shit happens I just feel lost and terrified and suicidal to all hell. I'm so... idk. overwhelmed. overloaded. Just something. ",1.808571428571426,3.9615655110663996,3.2166197183098615,90.06655935613684,80.00603621730383,5.787525150905433,22.91951710261569,6.913230679561687,0.7096181086519109,3834,127,792,43,98,1251,358,994,0.166,0.7440000000000001,0.091,-0.9984,3,0,1,0,0,0,112.0,5,2,15,8,44,40,17,3,52,0,77,25,11,2,11,117,170,68,1,13,20,0,2,3,0,9,2,17,2,3,49,50,4,6,14,4,12,19,36,32,1,5,43,19,103,10,117,105,16,138,5,5,0,8,96,53,17,9,65,519,152,11,0.0426613851393084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04707789934377095,0.0,0.035497689968213675,0.0,0.0,0.08703361444788364,0.13420254609977575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03510668498406009,0.0,0.2392958174494697,0.0,0.04008177566530341,0.0984119155259368,0.0,0.13002992206130728,0.0,0.03630169659406473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04657518337024584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04356204405603832,0.0,0.04349612538179993,0.0,0.0,0.11024701740095123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034061644645234826,0.047204011224131016,0.04686152835121205,0.11005225650607277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04457206745760679,0.0,0.0,0.037333265625409985,0.08731481742813463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04365324742398827,0.03563811309451647,0.0,0.03778532466345954,0.0,0.0,0.08453232760622241,0.0,0.03594405695032093,0.0,0.07668260428243358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02157087815763377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547589487502375,0.0,0.0,0.3155181049991112,0.20059931656395852,0.12277406391947746,0.1939635864534024,0.0,0.06824041377521024,0.0,0.04699632541803676,0.0,0.07545064397460476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378288896284109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25207722528356524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07583879856812076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0695494456555229,0.0,0.0,0.046351719779386825,0.13087247010665232,0.0,0.06252659360780137,0.0,0.03767078467081725,0.0,0.0,0.047727177611186535,0.09313988280986146,0.0,0.0,0.0403672341279528,0.0,0.0,0.08571819090465999,0.09294151006063196,0.14216154470678466,0.04297685732250518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810382120968121,0.0,0.06272205351855736,0.0,0.06580618042080953,0.0,0.04537086707851673,0.08006963998351044,0.0,0.12280424887525886,0.0,0.0,0.09086596571274544,0.028908458655720764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059152065772519025,0.11175082793192934,0.0,0.0,0.04032879833493756,0.0,0.08171562853478656,0.0434019657314835,0.0,0.08164236806481219,0.04986887626514761,0.04288647521864597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03643258981112117,0.12174223987913688,0.3392604576539741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13137389635476734,0.07057987727565149,0.04795318433855117,0.1707687787258021,0.0,0.03614685318710855,0.032842818526941216,0.0,0.0,0.12078379191418702,0.0,0.03406943728020943,0.03566682822683618,0.0,0.0,0.04883707933753802,0.04666463111940677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032076052349871244,0.034289605390428336,0.11186379296526354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028342328648240333,0.02733569300603654,0.0,0.03386837447764847,0.024876196748502118,0.0,0.2426280290833865,0.08152956342821037,0.0,0.028964280142722683,0.13921000951931134,0.0,0.044412006464574286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065116109415828,0.0,0.06844077972734088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0384952645342445,0.0,0.0,0.041124052899214426,0.0,0.09317398942818382,0.0,0.043475596121052035,0.0,0.09328705510679512,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hemtuh27,2019/01/28,"PTSD and digitizing childhood vhs tapes Hi, I need to talk about this because I don't have anyone I'm comfortable sharing with. I am going to bring up a couple things that I'm struggling with and share some background so this makes sense. I am F/29 and I am a *survivor* (never said or typed that before) of abuse by the hands, words and actions of a few people. Some of these people I am just now realizing did things to me and happen to still be in my life. This is why I'm posting. I don't know how to manage the way I'm feeling about these flashbacks. I realized it wasn't just my father who abused me as a child. My childhood vhs tapes. My father narrates and is the man behind the camera in 98% of these tapes. I have probably 20+ vhs tapes I am digitizing for my sister and mother. I knew it could trigger some panic attacks or flash backs to hear or see my father on these videos, but I decided I was strong and I could handle it so my family could share in these memories and I can edit him out as a gift. None of us speak with my father anymore due to his abuse of drugs and us. This is hard to type because I hate seeing this in my head again and it feels horrible. I apologize for how oddly this is written, I'm in a state of shock I think because of what I'm learning. **Background** Growing up I have a couple blurry memories or flashbacks of my father doing things that are wrong. One flashback is of me and my mother nude hiding in their closet, wrapped up in their comforter while he is yelling. Another memory is him following me up the stairs and pulling my pants down. Another is him putting his tongue in my mouth. All of these I believe I was maybe 5-7 or even 8? I don't really know. I didn't say anything until I remembered the first thing when I was 15. My parents were divorced when I was 13 or 14 due to his drinking and drugging and abusive ways. I have one sister who is 18 months younger than myself. I also have a very saddening memory of my father being angry with her for not staying upright on her bike (she was probably 4 or 5? so I was 6 or 7). He had cornered us in the laundry room and he was hitting her with a broomstick as she tried to climb into a cabinet where her shoes were kept. I was on my back kicking at him. Her little knees were bleeding so badly from falling on her bike. I don't know why I remember this incident so vividly. CPS has been called on my father 3 times. I don't know much but he was taken to court after me telling a therapist about the first flashback at 15. My mother tells me that she ""made it to where I didn't have to testify"". I don't know a lot about the court case. I know my father is re-married to a woman who is younger than him by at least 10 yrs. She had a 3 and 5 y/o when they married. Those kids are now much older and finishing high school and starting college. I know their father was worried about what my father had done to me and wanted to keep his children safe. I wish I was able to learn the details of these things. I only have my mother as my source and she can be misleading at times and also doesn't remember everything either. I had stopped all contact with my father at 15 and ended up in treatment by the age of 17 because I was an emotional wreck. I think I still am. Anyway, once I turned 19 a boyfriend (who was also abusive and much older than myself by 10 yrs) convinced me that I needed my father in my life. I regret being convinced every day. I cut ties with him and his blood relatives when I was 26. He had told me he solved an argument with my step brother (who was 13 or 14 at the time) by ""quickly and physically ending the disagreement"". After hearing that I got out of his car, said ""goodbye"" and never spoke to him again. I was frozen. I felt that it was my fault. My step brother ended up in treatment similar to mine for some time. I don't know how he is doing now since I don't speak with my father's side, but I hope he's alright. I also hope my little step sister is alright. I don't know if I can forgive myself for ""leaving"" them. **The Videos** I started digitizing and felt fine with hearing his voice at first. It kind of sounds like an old video tape instead of what he sounded like 3 years ago in person or even on the phone. I thought ""Ok, I can do this just fine, just start with the tapes that Mom and sister will like to see first."" This was turning out to be great because I could see my grand parents and great grand parents, my aunt and mother and myself and my sister. I couldn't stop watching. My mind was racing. I chose a tape that was labeled ""1996"" - I realized there were a few copies of the same footage with the same label. I watched this tape and it's pretty normal until it stops and comes on and I hear my father saying things about how it's early in the morning. How he's going to show me this in the morning. I am heard saying ""no"" and clearly uncomfortable. Watching this I was horrified. I can see is the dimly lit room that was clearly the master bedroom floor. I am laying on the floor under a blanket. I am watching this for the first time my husband and I were looking at each other in shock. I immediately stopped it and was sobbing. Why would my dad take that video? What is the reason for that? Is that video part of what my first flashback was or was this a regular occurrence that I still can't remember? I was alarmed to see footage of my father dropping me down a slide when I was barely able to walk. My mother reacted clearly upset and the camera went off as you hear me screaming. There was another tape from ""1996"" where I'm crying hysterically and it keeps cutting in and out of weird conversation with me sobbing. My little sister is trying to comfort me. My mother is not there. I can almost remember parts of this that aren't on camera. My dad says something to me, as he is shooting the video, about how no one thinks I'm a brat, and he asks ""right?"" to my sister and she says something like ""only mom and dad think \_\_\_\_\_\_ is a brat."" He quickly corrects her and she seems to look like she's confused by his manipulation. The camera goes off and then comes back on to my face. My hair is soaked with tears and is stuck to my face from crying so much. I believe my dad starts telling me to go to bed and I refuse and cry more. Watching this I can tell that I'm afraid to go to bed because I know what he's going to do. I won't get into that because I don't truly remember much. I know it's blocked out and I'm afraid to watch more because It could all come back. I gave myself a couple days after that footage. I was afraid I'd see something worse. I decided to watch my sisters birthday party in 1996. It was on another tape labeled ""1996"". My sister is turning 5 and we are at the local pool with some childhood friends and some family. I see my cousin and I see my childhood friend. I instantly remember inappropriate things happening with those boys. My cousin used to pretend we were ""married"" when we were around that age. He would make me go into a bathroom after our ""marriage"" and undress with him. He always locked the door. He is about 2 years older than I am. I remember feeling like it was wrong but that he was older so it must be ok. I don't remember much of what happened in the bathrooms when this stuff used to happen. I know for sure it happened in 2 places. I know I was crying at one of them and my sister was knocking on the door. It was a family vacation. He has a daughter now and she is about 5. I hate him. My childhood friend I mentioned, he also made me take my clothes off because of what ""grown ups do when they get married"". This must have been at the same age as my cousin incident. I remember something weird he did once he made me lay on top of him, he said we had to touch nipples....then I remember his mother walked in on us. I felt instant embarrassment and guilt, but being so young, I didn't know exactly what was wrong. She never said anything or did anything. This friend is still in my life and also has a brand new daughter. They were at my wedding and so was that cousin. I feel sick thinking about this. How could his mother not have done anything!!?? I saw her face in that video too and felt even more sick. Once we were in the high school ages, we spent more time together. He talked me into cheating on my boyfriends because ""kissing isn't cheating"". He'd feel me up and I told myself it was ok because we weren't having sex. I hate myself for this. I hate seeing these people on my video tapes and remembering these things. It makes me feel like my family isn't real. It makes me question if things really happened even though I know certain things definitely did. I continue to doubt myself and pretend I'm ok. I'm not ok. I'm having a very hard time with these new things and I feel physically sick reliving these things. **Can having abusers in life be a pattern for some survivors?** I have had far too many moments in my life where my innocence was taken from me or I was hurt in different ways. I was raped by an ex for years. He took photos of me after he drugged me when he took me out of the country. He was so much like my father. So many red flags and I should have ran screaming, but he was SO manipulative. He told me no one would ever love me like he loved me. He exposed me to HEP-C for years and never told me. He cheated on me. He would tell me I was overweight and that my style was boring. He told me I didn't ""do anything"". He would force me to have sex with him every day multiple times a day. I was fresh from treatment, he was sober and had been for years. I thought he was safe. He even convinced my mother he was great along with other family. He has thousands of nude photos of me from the age of 18-22. He refused to destroy them when I begged for many years. He'd always convince me to come back when I'd leave him or when he said something painfully horrible. He'd show up at my apartments while I was in college in the middle of the night yelling at me. He was a 3x felon. He was an addict and when I left for good, he started drinking again and then using drugs. No idea where he is now, but I pray it's prison. He had his 3 strikes. I also have been in a friendship where a guy in college became obsessed with me and stalked me. I had to go to the Dean of Students because he had signed up to be in every one of my classes. This was after he had left things at my doorstep, stood outside my front door at 3am whispering my name and sending me paragraphs about how he wanted to ""practice having sex"" with me ""because we are best friends"" and he ""felt like I would give him feedback"" *WHAT THE FUCK!?* \- Guess what - the college only asked him to change classes. That's it. The Dean told me they would kick him out of the college, expel him from classes that semester or ask him to change his classes. I had to tell all my professors on my own because the college didn't have my back. He even showed up in NY when I moved after college, and I moved across the country.....I finally got rid of him when I moved from NY. There was a guy in college who raped me because I was too drunk to drive home one night. He offered his bed and he slept on the couch until he joined me in bed later that night. I woke up and he was having sex with me. I remember he noticed I woke up and put a condom on. I was frozen. I didn't know what to do. I left when I could see the sun was coming up. I wouldn't talk to him and he acted like he didn't know what was wrong. He'd even send me texts if he was on the same bus to tell me he was behind me. I'm still confused by that. I'm sorry I spilled this mess here. I have a lot in my head and I don't know how to get it out. I have no one to talk to. No one understands unless they've had these things happen. I'm tired of sharing with someone I feel I can share with and they tell me they don't believe me, or ghost me completely. I had began to keep it all to myself for a few years in college and now I'm busting at the seams with flashbacks and panic attacks. I had a flashback when I was skiing with my husband this year. My father did things to me once when he was teaching me to ski as a kid. I was in the trees and it all came back. I don't know how to talk to my husband about these things. He doesn't understand. He means well and he's good to me, but he will never understand what I feel and what happened to me. I've never been able to really heal from any of this and I'm just now remembering things. I feel like a pile of used, damaged crap. I'm in a new city now, and I don't have any close friends here. I feel lonely and these flashbacks have affected my social abilities. I'm always on edge and I just thought I could share on here and someone might be able to tell me I'm not crazy and that I'm not bad for what happened. I feel I am though.",1.943279297534616,3.7220017324263055,3.299268812016532,91.46299449992766,77.97203325774754,5.924842636818321,23.46667953233302,6.742157984588678,0.6125970717743363,9968,323,2157,94,235,3251,689,2646,0.127,0.774,0.099,-0.9976,5,2,11,1,7,0,305.0,13,1,12,11,120,113,16,14,96,7,254,47,15,27,22,377,447,184,1,32,41,59,22,12,6,15,18,27,13,10,138,149,4,13,75,21,1,42,52,52,1,16,155,73,386,61,320,253,41,326,1,6,24,13,299,142,4,38,147,1495,524,28,0.08803829301232864,0.15646647163710115,0.0,0.02399368358088913,0.0,0.0,0.01951015870719785,0.0,0.022039408336692372,0.0,0.0,0.12320733445055004,0.054941184290149686,0.0,0.0,0.02993452910504442,0.0923158264236029,0.0,0.0,0.021827582518301032,0.01538960536662282,0.0,0.0905600172505412,0.01959318649574857,0.061727939752915184,0.05007813396108205,0.0,0.11846802283219285,0.0367541486516693,0.20125247354408585,0.0,0.01872852575670457,0.07439175622619196,0.02309768924634858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02247423510920984,0.025173088384308977,0.0,0.0,0.04656642027298862,0.09479649248363953,0.023076618806201987,0.0,0.0,0.14058282645848533,0.07305952252728475,0.09670593091428242,0.056777415766689834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02299531955059769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0450468699970387,0.0,0.04312200531194163,0.10209646958613257,0.0,0.0,0.024757807502146626,0.05848184734435372,0.0,0.0,0.10175980889502184,0.019908919079261816,0.05563204419249693,0.0,0.019780785254394282,0.0,0.10374333430574416,0.0,0.13354441860528313,0.04717093058916772,0.10566320942477143,0.024110411679310145,0.0,0.11232799059285588,0.0,0.0,0.1020272501893453,0.020347495814936008,0.03449728083929905,0.021113588198401825,0.08755983383378875,0.03692117161511037,0.035206132686541165,0.07279689663642712,0.024246026319499285,0.04358587572145768,0.17516693645971784,0.0,0.0394325090279973,0.08691958772557537,0.04517634383939908,0.0,0.12403194331642023,0.0,0.0,0.04650864510261128,0.02207739652375384,0.04372094480197397,0.0,0.0,0.02356170338024589,0.024846129188265797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058689359958432524,0.0,0.02291958361870155,0.2298218313367101,0.0,0.0,0.04660992028702832,0.07174039721584789,0.0,0.07773006244531144,0.12903318893962315,0.06617812356584513,0.0,0.0,0.03696499655983654,0.0,0.0,0.03742350421996538,0.03972899834403708,0.062477971143852465,0.05876624421427831,0.0669427582185121,0.022111574620434137,0.02397487760010309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023348679077500014,0.02222339476155924,0.051554692370855915,0.017567831387032985,0.07017807957095865,0.11325698156480032,0.032639639369740736,0.10185083843957173,0.06377094899447591,0.0,0.0619634805859081,0.021564708713142863,0.0,0.025058045027103345,0.023095344720378316,0.09375790879907396,0.13422830803669214,0.050217816744972534,0.023419737731574672,0.05164698397003309,0.07331707932048283,0.047668446031663765,0.0,0.04577600048990688,0.01921791041577553,0.02299531955059769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021079087168466844,0.02239164858279925,0.04746008508453672,0.0,0.02572801332217715,0.04425140040854208,0.02465575917092156,0.0,0.0,0.02505171287081133,0.04229968863977193,0.02262950699341736,0.0,0.0,0.34905578380197666,0.018796055299867036,0.10468072152620854,0.08751448025218024,0.0,0.04454972633431036,0.19292658323016368,0.020036688867845102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.01820654643560389,0.0,0.0,0.022435988200600096,0.0372972799871434,0.08472022390341392,0.0,0.024637915306522942,0.07789244615591695,0.023459276620881056,0.08788436815418109,0.07360395505211444,0.0,0.023009184754810872,0.025195695630513548,0.0,0.0,0.02074376231842967,0.0,0.0330969199222599,0.08845230636505164,0.17313603420963594,0.0,0.0,0.02555481093453867,0.2485771022356516,0.07051422916479178,0.0432485879448922,0.052419428009273496,0.10267167328137393,0.025296766715396574,0.0,0.12618654265716334,0.048906891442798785,0.029886110985020982,0.07182028647387749,0.0,0.06873822589724657,0.10589922662472033,0.07603681844557486,0.0,0.036320405925546806,0.025963633106095188,0.05241052436096575,0.0,0.0,0.019789249598007253,0.02040309491008583,0.05958064947234145,0.0,0.02530992303548275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02235179000861477,0.02242963547533848,0.10944478547438163,0.09625605292620862,0.0,0.11338754850224295 ptsd,mrtestcat,2019/01/28,"PSA/Trigger Warning: PTSD Flashbacks in Escape Room It's a great movie, but it was kind of shocking to my gf. I wished we warned ahead of time. Hopefully, this helps somebody else.",1.6411764705882348,4.405150176470588,1.6384705882352968,95.42711764705885,91.35294117647058,3.896470588235295,24.44705882352941,5.6839178017228535,0.5231364705882355,142,6,27,1,5,42,32,34,0.195,0.5379999999999999,0.268,0.4785,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,3,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,3,5,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,14,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.305802731876643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4035911180773454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24536757631560774,0.0,0.0,0.3635879923045429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3812033536843213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4279137494472708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21345711834455425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4209599835289101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nihtmoon,2019/01/28,"is invasive ptsd a thing? i've been having ptsd symptoms of public humiliation events i have suffered a few years ago, with flashbacks and the panic and racing heart and the pit in my stomach everytime something reminds me of what happened. &#x200B; now however i'm getting these symptoms when i remember being humiliated or perceiving myself to have done something shameful or childish and stupid. &#x200B; when ever i remember these events sometimes dating to one or two days, i get the flashbacks and the whole thing. &#x200B; is this this even ptsd anymore? or maybe i never had ptsd ? &#x200B; does meditation help ?",8.838464619492658,10.508845102803736,7.795727636849133,66.39663551401873,60.58878504672897,9.478771695594123,41.4539385847797,9.606745405546679,4.563107877169559,514,28,70,9,7,158,71,107,0.19399999999999998,0.782,0.023,-0.9621,1,0,2,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,2,6,0,9,4,2,0,2,15,13,11,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,3,0,8,0,6,9,2,12,0,1,0,0,2,1,0,4,11,55,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177744195903493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3998278860909582,0.4483939384222324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09149099652571607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05949607960815174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0807319364163733,0.09440768401489116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060932775663649075,0.08344885856160687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09639762286298993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08157974516681885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10932121661506397,0.061835788503812876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926813583263326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07115183047262345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06251357353803348,0.0,0.0,0.1082399763465378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4313590981501149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20901118034180516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420429899519344,0.09124138334045266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19177407718346345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12257867271939545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0901185736159046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299809143335567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4483939384222324,0.059408433099384074 ptsd,Digitalfall0ut,2019/01/28,"ptsd? Back in 2017 i was in a serious car accident, the truck went airborne for a few seconds before rolling down a steep hill, i was the passenger and my side was completely crushed and my head shattered the window. I remember every single little detail from it, i know it hasn't been that long but the memory won't fade. i have dreams about it a lot and when i'm in the passenger side i get a tight feeling in my chest before i literally see the accident happening all over again in my head like a flashback, i know i should go to a psychologist but i have really bad anxiety so even the thought of that is extremely hard for me... sorry if this isn't the place for questions since so many people suffer from much worse but its worth a shot... ",3.929841366687004,5.218607463087249,5.135680292861501,82.36824283099452,71.68456375838926,9.176571079926788,27.63941427699817,9.573946990214177,2.4242966442953016,588,21,119,14,11,195,95,149,0.226,0.727,0.048,-0.9786,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,16,0,11,3,3,0,1,17,21,10,0,2,4,0,3,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,3,0,1,6,1,1,3,3,3,0,1,6,4,15,1,15,13,5,19,0,1,1,0,1,11,0,3,6,83,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392567025027298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13997410659780832,0.1519920860837438,0.0,0.0,0.30979770213291197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086081766471236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023276827891613,0.0,0.15337280751727408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09204264694499928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951060650535784,0.0,0.10345500179485244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16097344146996892,0.0,0.16306810323599105,0.0,0.3736419965464167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20008396247071727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08893337795614374,0.1824474501134305,0.0,0.16109573921630768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15476012052038068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18455548272497246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13381707933923093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262005344933204,0.0,0.1901884122949968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127898242284794,0.0,0.2039214841232113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1166166388087416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20621079985308235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14505877034240247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15058169347651604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20377390208019114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451589832674572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16874878465224438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18550978385074385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,academic-bisexual,2019/01/28,My loud neighbors are giving me panic attacks I live in a dorm and my PTSD is triggered by sound. My neighbors are loud as FUCK and sometimes I literally hear them screaming at the top of their lungs. The anniversary is coming up and I know I won’t be able to take it that day. I have talked to them about it before but never said why. (I’d like to clarify this is everyday and during quiet hours) they get really mad when I asked them to stop and now they shout shit at me and my roommate. I don’t know how to take the screaming anymore. It’s in my dreams. I want it to go away ,1.5656184798807755,3.3158564262295123,3.1469299552906134,92.25477645305516,79.0,6.075707898658719,21.746646795827125,6.980632752743323,0.4473508196721317,452,13,101,5,11,149,80,122,0.185,0.7290000000000001,0.086,-0.9326,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,6,1,4,8,4,1,4,0,9,3,2,2,1,15,22,10,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,9,3,0,6,7,0,1,2,1,0,2,3,7,0,0,1,9,21,1,16,19,0,16,0,0,0,1,13,7,2,0,8,67,27,1,0.19917573269800126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1975288067204972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18620242332509016,0.2265911498863431,0.18713215733395996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948387854010954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715722574946827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1284518701929609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18413475540430388,0.10406109965949943,0.1910675118933373,0.11319615889883533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22448552640197555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19614797581147006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2189235475908217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09730720224137797,0.0,0.17587582104091745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15361660385113415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23368980751211804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2328257729209249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12759707455245742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18946173257964694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044510273823102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19698989254862093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665198310344645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29951072652624233,0.16008990929999176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747900761057264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17972511895650622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,psychout57,2019/01/28,"Ex boyfriend raped me and his ex. Feels like there will never be a happy ending. Possibly trigger warning ⚠️ I’m sober now and have to deal with the shit that happened to me for the first time. It’s not fair that sometimes nothing happens to shitty people. His ex who came out and told people in high school was called a liar and ostracized for telling people. She was told by his friends to stop lying and she was never taken seriously. I’d heard about this but all his friends reassured me he was a nice guy and would never hurt a fly. We dated for a few years and he’d showed multiple signs of abuse but I had almost everyone around me defending him, which made me feel crazy. He also made me feel crazy and told me things I experienced didn’t happen. He’d yell at me and corner me and yell in my face then deny it ever happening. He’d threaten to break up with me and tell everyone what a bitch I was. When I didn’t want to have sex he’d guilt me into it so I would cry during, which would only make him angry. Then one time he stuck his finger in my butt and I told him to stop it hurt but he didn’t stop. He just kept going until I was crying and begging him to stop. I pleaded because it hurt but he just ignored me. Then after he finished I went in the bathroom and just locked myself in and cried. I felt like no one would believe me since no one believed when he had fits of rage and I felt like I was stuck. Eventually I was able to leave but he didn’t make it easy and harassed me for months after. Even now a couple years later he still randomly decides to harass me. I feel helpless and like I can’t do anything. I shouldn’t have to be nice to someone who raped me, but I do because I don’t want to set him off. I feel guilt that he will do this to someone else since he’s already done it to me and his old ex. I don’t want anyone else to go through this, but I don’t feel like police believe when a boyfriend rapes and I know his friends/family won’t believe it either. He’s a professional victim and would end up making me look like I’m trying to ruin his life when he’s ruined mine. I can never feel safe and I feel worried about my family’s safety and mine. He comes off as this dumb nice guy, but he isn’t. He’s dumb, but he’s manipulative and evil. I just want to be able to at least smoke weed again so the nightmares and anxiety will go away. I feel like the only way for it to go away would be for him to be in jail for life or to die, but I can’t rely on either happening at least not anytime soon. I don’t know if I’m asking for advice or what, but maybe I just needed to get it out since I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about it. Maybe it’d be nice if someone had a similar story or if someone even had a happy ending to a story like this out there. It feels like there will be no happy ending with him. 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Is there always a reason? I moved back to the city where everything that gave me ptsd went down, but I moved back here a few months ago and didn’t have any issues. Not even remotely close to the same part of the city. Unsure what the trigger is or if there even has to be one it’s just been tough the last week with an unexpected resurgence of nightmares and hyper vigilance related to stalking stuff. Any tips?",4.352040816326529,6.323285989795923,4.3589285714285735,85.62982142857145,71.75510204081633,7.757142857142857,25.51530612244898,8.472884824447931,1.6398326530612248,409,13,79,7,8,126,73,98,0.068,0.932,0.0,-0.6586,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,11,1,0,0,8,0,9,0,0,3,0,13,11,5,0,1,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,4,0,3,0,10,6,3,14,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,2,8,56,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14793364077094184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886183675363267,0.0,0.0,0.3404629307530346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668999653358135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.51329760182937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204521719013434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14998563691391875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17418476740648006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13603369370754675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320615667647115,0.3547450662002958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308571544358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1807203846259738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19507984213110505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3431715147609405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19104360155734032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13386522320606647,0.0,0.0,0.15470423169497494,0.1505879155609506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,littlelyrical5,2019/10/04,"Is this ptsd? So to preface, I had an accident last year that involved me breaking my shoulder. I knocked the humeral head off the shaft and it was hanging together by the muscle. I then broke it two more times in the span of six months. The third time was a surgery where they had to break it and pin/plate it together after a malunion. Ever since surgery I’ve had several severe nightmares. Lately they’ve become a nightly occurrence. I feel the pain all over again, and I wake up crying/in a panic. Anytime I hear a plane flying I get very nauseous and I feel like I’m gonna pass out. A plane had caused my horse to panic and they threw me off, causing the initial break. The thought of even getting on a horse again is impossible, but I was raised around them. When I see my scar from surgery (the doctor left my staples in too long and my skin grew over some of them, causing more scarring), I feel very very upset. I can’t wear tank tops anymore because I just can’t stand seeing it. I haven’t told my therapist about this (I’m in therapy for other mental issues) because this all feels silly. Four of the eight therapists I’ve been to have mentioned that they want me to get tested or whatever for ptsd because of other things that have happened in my life. (I’ve been in therapy since I was 7).",3.638269230769232,5.103433211538466,4.23,87.89000000000004,72.65384615384616,6.892307692307693,28.0,7.365786028017652,1.4593307692307689,1025,39,207,11,20,325,146,260,0.068,0.895,0.037000000000000005,-0.7689,0,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,0,0,5,1,11,7,0,3,18,0,17,8,5,3,3,24,35,11,0,1,3,0,5,1,0,1,3,1,0,0,14,8,0,0,5,0,0,4,3,5,0,5,13,8,30,2,29,21,5,39,0,1,2,0,9,17,0,2,15,136,44,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028577087814297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09899628943476066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2033691469711156,0.12281751136262682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34271541259607224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11382333159637745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734500485402587,0.10059155594377106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491495397331246,0.0794450849623247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743005304124727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833847510051104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412871539042002,0.0,0.12533644961091409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11606943592921495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09064715779168156,0.12544441651295313,0.0,0.12082487839137028,0.0,0.07854758858430477,0.054329289936788414,0.0,0.0,0.09841318664157868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206878158765486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08876300550240566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10435863609693696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11833027442801225,0.26095090630813195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2599860777088284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17723244462147303,0.0,0.0,0.2512606600249537,0.0,0.1839803383627817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543458929223699,0.25823583726670624,0.07387985663856181,0.0,0.0,0.08828458247184802,0.1296894035985359,0.0,0.0,0.10626142496330628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10863141444606672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27526804418772954,0.06559176421626597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07161256396618831 ptsd,silence_sirens,2019/10/04,"Finding a good psychiatrist?? So I'm in this place where I have a therapist and I HAD a lady who prescribed medicine. Got weary of playing will it work or make it worse roulette and abandoned the medicine idea. I like my therapist, but I'm not actually receiving the type of help I need there. I've been doing pretty badly the last several weeks, worst I've been in over a year, and I've got to do something quickly or I'm going to die of an overdose or worse. I think I need to be looking for a psychiatrist so I only have to open up and explain all my facets and nuances to one person, who can then make an informed decision on medicine. My question to you all is how do you go about finding a good psychiatrist?",2.9319425287356324,4.621186372413798,4.340431034482759,85.4655890804598,74.93103448275863,7.316091954022987,30.014367816091948,8.07648339933343,2.0560229885057466,564,26,116,9,12,187,86,145,0.16399999999999998,0.728,0.10800000000000001,-0.8919,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,2,0,1,7,7,0,0,11,0,12,0,0,3,2,27,26,13,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,1,5,6,0,1,8,1,0,3,1,3,0,1,5,1,12,4,16,19,3,16,0,1,1,0,10,8,0,4,6,77,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.1569846028661061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13431860843664067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695626724762785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2940620747661333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1828507290733339,0.26985799291350393,0.2573227199850901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782686928343548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1816011318468283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13112942565447705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07859229962839924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13508915539952113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21476215435481585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2385641404221861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10900876475296066,0.12234786205746398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14046430559831527,0.16807350657825001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366125667869455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18020971146269296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1817357920606558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384455087227653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.373561817591744,0.0,0.10307813929970644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903913255386404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711429764821657,0.0,0.3278778081180496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359414030510852 ptsd,xxynn,2019/10/04,"I got into a car accident on Wednesday TW: hit pedestrian, car accident. Wednesday evening I was driving (safely, under the speed limit), when a 17 year old girl tried j-walking in front of my car. I slammed on my breaks but couldn’t stop in time and I wound up hitting her. She flew up into my windshield and then landed on the opposite side of the road. Immediately after I got off the phone with 911 I passed out, and spent a number of hours in the hospital. They gave me Ativan to calm down but it did nothing and I have been in an extreme state of panic since then. Police determined the pedestrian was at fault but I cannot shake the impact from my head. I’m extremely fucked up. I don’t know what to do. I don’t even know if I have PTSD but I am so paralyzed with the trauma.",2.270598214285716,4.063990006250002,3.838392857142861,87.89875000000002,77.0625,7.071428571428572,23.92857142857143,7.957251820313856,1.2300446428571423,611,20,129,10,14,203,103,160,0.155,0.7879999999999999,0.057,-0.9575,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,1,4,7,1,2,12,0,12,3,1,0,0,20,23,13,0,2,5,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,9,0,3,2,0,1,8,4,5,0,0,9,0,20,2,27,11,0,42,0,0,0,1,6,20,1,1,12,88,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33282132141089565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329238017762569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4030150120571141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585734837625598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481200908346117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769303648908403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417529100578533,0.0,0.2643792407935993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2956091493024676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2945161768138953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2084157211072588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21064155992997732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691412577827434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17105757519872314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16224759984865994 ptsd,Carlosdopest,2019/10/04,"I used to work for the medical examiners office Hello, I’m a 24 year old male;I’m new to reddit. When I was 19-20 I worked transporting dead bodies from crime scenes and hospitals to the medical examiners office. Although I was rather “numb” while working there. I felt like after I quit, I wasn’t the same person. I frequently have nightmares about decomposing bodies that I have picked up. Sometimes a certain phrase, or building will remind in detail of some horrific scene I was at. It’s almost like a movie replaying in my head. I have never had anxiety or any problems like this before. I have always believed ptsd to be something related to war. I’m not sure if I should seek help, or where to start looking. Any advice would help! Thanks.",3.1868809523809567,5.934499164285718,4.232857142857147,81.33880952380954,78.78571428571429,7.161904761904763,25.76190476190476,8.238735603445708,2.0691047619047613,593,23,103,12,15,192,99,140,0.16,0.708,0.132,-0.7927,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,4,5,9,1,0,6,0,13,6,3,2,3,21,20,8,2,5,6,0,1,3,0,3,3,0,0,1,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,6,2,14,6,15,10,2,15,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,6,12,66,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499977465572765,0.0,0.0,0.1588331180025349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13198296848147925,0.0,0.0,0.2157314988250449,0.0,0.1213424147799072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13497232303535645,0.1787082849439726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523779094943016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15229825369813002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16278793519198545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21263674207796815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324783793193964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331992576855391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3195821029767516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233605967238248,0.15319435246831667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16644301685603238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13849920951594488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177610290557278,0.18541607440381225,0.0,0.0,0.1687098774258052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1221119652114184,0.15687735990464927,0.0,0.11227070983744566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14949568508399222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603423839876306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13699511316504592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3464276047541495,0.0,0.0,0.1126777495271224,0.0,0.0,0.10214485795253524 ptsd,DepressedSendHelp,2019/10/04,How to relax after a traumatic event and flashbacks? I can't stop getting panic attacks whenever something triggers that memory.,7.818571428571428,11.340600619047626,8.171666666666667,55.17750000000001,66.6190476190476,9.914285714285716,43.83333333333334,10.125756701596842,6.411076190476191,107,7,10,3,2,35,21,21,0.244,0.48,0.276,-0.0284,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5527867625072094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538651593964208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5701044907991905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740731899223679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062381003713557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Bredamir,2019/10/04,"NSFW - I don't want to cause harm by triggers therefor NSFW, first post. Hello everyone, as the title states - this is my first post here. (I might have not done it right.) &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; \-NSFW- PEOPLE WHO NEED TO BE CAREFUL, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T READ THIS. -NSFW- I haven't got anywhere yet, and this is tough, just trying to ventilate something. I'm in my early 20s, I'm a male, I live in Europe and I have a girlfriend that tries to support me. I am struggling today with studies, my everyday mental state and doing what I think is required of me. But I don't seem to be able to carry all of it and sometimes it comes crashing down at me. I end up crying and downwards spiraling in my thoughts. I have trouble remembering stuff, I have trouble concentrating and it doesn't feel like I will ever get to where I want to be. I'm afraid, scared and it seems that I have gotten used to the feeling of it that I don't even notice anymore. My head is failing me and it was one of my best qualities about myself. I grew up with a father that used various drugs, my mother used prescription pills and a brother that turned criminal and early got a liking to drugs too. We were poor, there never was a ray of sunshine because new clouds of shit always came around. My earliest memories is me running from home, because my mother yelled at me to do so - because my dad was going to beat her. She told me to run to my aunt and make her call the police. I remember running, but not arriving there. I became the quiet kid, the kid that tried to fix everything and not cause any trouble. But when I felt down, it felt like I had nobody to turn to. (I remember embracing the pain, and hoping it would get worse. I don't know why.) I had my mother, but she was mostly sleeping in her bed or reading books in bed. I never told anyone outside my family either. I remember being in school, and people were complaining about things that seemed like nothing but I never could tell anyone. I remember feeling so horribly sad, and I went to talk with my mother. And she was high on the pills, because she said she saw angels but it was just light flashes from the cars driving by our window. And that hurt so much. I was crying and she didin't take care of me. When I got into my teen-years, I hated my father and my brother. Everytime they came around, they always brought problems home. Always turned to a scream-fest and me being stuck infront of my PC - hoping that they don't come here. I never got beaten by my dad, but my dad beat everyone else. ( I can't remember how severe it was, but I don't think that anyone got hospitalized. ) And my mom told me that I should feel glad/lucky that he never did, because I was his son. I finally got to meet a therapist, I cried and did what I thought was nessecary to get past this. But it won't let me go, I just want to be healthy and be a normal person. I want to stop crying everyday, I want to feel good enough and not being so fucking pitiful. I was so strong, I thought. Then I tried cannabis, and I realised that not all drugs are bad and.. It helps. I became addicted to it in a way, I managed my school but felt like smoking was what made my everyday life work. It felt like it affected the days afterward too. Then.. One night, I got a text. I was supposed to meet a guy, I did - and he and his friend scared the life out of me. I think that I could easily fucked them up(I was -very- muscular.), but I was high and.. Something snapped in my head. I froze. I took some punches, told the truth and they wanted to beat someone else now. (But it backfired in two hours and they wanted to meet me and prob beat me more.) When I left, I was glad that I had not pissed myself or started crying. But my head was racing, I had never been so alert in my life. Adrenaline. I did not realise that.. That was probarly the beginning of my PTSD. I became paranoid, I moved 2 days after that. 7 months later, I was in the military. I was not forced, but I thought it was a good idea and a nice life experience. 2,5-3 months in, it hit me. I started flinching, I started dreaming nightmares, I became dull in my head, I once grappled with a dude and.. I became so furious, and he had to hold me because, if he had let me go earlier than he did. I maybe would have done something rash. ( I can get angry, but I -never- act on it.. I did when I was a teen, but very rarely. ) I had to drop out, I felt that I was a failure. I came back to my country where I was born. (Neighbour country.) I started living with my GF and.. That is where everything turned to shit. I have stopped crying while writing, so that's nice. But I must have been occupied.. Less than a hour, but more than 20 minutes. I have forgot to mention so much. Such as, I stopped being happy after the military. My symptoms worsened. I did not know what was wrong with me back then, now I do. It felt like I was at fault, but I know now that it's just a illness or whatever you may call it. (English is not my primary language.) I'm going to talk to a therapist again, I'm waiting for a call. (Within 10 days.) I try to be transparent how I feel with my GF but it's hard and sometimes I want to just fight it through without her help, because I don't want to take even more from her than she already gives me. I found this sub yesterday, I was looking for a place to ventilate. I can't keep crashing and crying infront of my awesome girlfriend, I -must- get better because I don't want to lose her. (She really is the best, my gf during military cheated twice. Nice.) Anyhow, I read a post and.. The person writing felt the same way I did, I could see myself in several other posts, people who have it better or worse. And I felt glad, that I'm not crazy and you people also feel like I do. I know, it's f\*\*ked up but thank you for feeling like this and thank you for sharing!",2.3171449704142013,4.143343942519023,3.6585915046491984,89.09241811073544,77.03043110735419,6.409678782755705,24.81540574809806,7.283512448043831,1.0714308537616228,4536,159,940,55,104,1485,428,1183,0.16699999999999998,0.733,0.1,-0.9975,1,0,6,0,2,0,225.0,2,5,6,16,45,64,10,4,40,0,110,25,10,12,13,205,223,90,0,25,44,14,18,9,7,10,13,3,5,6,65,60,0,8,38,5,1,20,33,31,0,6,84,26,191,33,110,113,16,125,1,6,4,2,87,39,5,15,66,669,256,12,0.035256593721914066,0.0,0.0,0.0384348912255764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03890652788287327,0.028194685261558213,0.08800893097040663,0.15280201827057852,0.17136248159445236,0.023975692731015796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03496506724279743,0.07395669026099272,0.0,0.0,0.06277168648888404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05422028862499845,0.029437783088894658,0.17193673834405584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399923990434452,0.06236318410066868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080027723406988,0.12097245226239865,0.07189289405657659,0.07243646725623425,0.0,0.06074086731854516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08444856369542078,0.0,0.2710939887699572,0.06821275873622601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07215947241080957,0.0,0.0,0.12265936646917808,0.0,0.05890472005473015,0.0,0.031226877326182595,0.036429485996305716,0.0,0.04657329528093924,0.03189160749955488,0.0,0.0673783723788401,0.06337270615793929,0.03448771386995515,0.033236778804533414,0.0,0.14261434502329118,0.07556195279860782,0.2708148715620194,0.03862187509367048,0.0,0.059978481218041724,0.0,0.03865703523665509,0.027239156851788692,0.06518830555745421,0.0921005752872875,0.033821337313689616,0.08014853880273971,0.059143116152364464,0.19738543125381866,0.0,0.0,0.034909570818463694,0.0,0.03753129961067387,0.03158298287408008,0.03480858710524678,0.14473374674487546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04726350318939857,0.07450105397703838,0.07073047630004238,0.07003550547285448,0.06944128583220949,0.0,0.03774291277352455,0.039800402864703724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.031337680442666216,0.0,0.0,0.07750440747992969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03830639223826061,0.07210451157592812,0.09961109922854447,0.15502131731871047,0.0,0.06226443637438086,0.0,0.029606659126378183,0.03944311008741232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03336064144844802,0.023534050081314626,0.0,0.07083997440388924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03553035403234706,0.037401674385644686,0.0,0.04129209645450513,0.056282953482614716,0.03747217950974978,0.051835306122546984,0.02614231751012236,0.19034441004879535,0.03405103791436589,0.0,0.033085924860857895,0.034543976163837184,0.033829652551767515,0.04013986563152897,0.0,0.03754712166309629,0.04778156070757248,0.0,0.037515501494799805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033656408074301064,0.09776993147051162,0.061569395455521175,0.03683563645594433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350642838517326,0.0,0.0,0.03373579868488442,0.04121307135498264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10579840397065997,0.0,0.02258627673493638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23963308694840374,0.030108938399759345,0.03353709430826448,0.0,0.07059600175627909,0.07136311021256553,0.028094940509788467,0.09628883633812674,0.0,0.07965983103068919,0.07238077360935824,0.0,0.0,0.035282055612251575,0.0,0.02987279744860673,0.08142674498536151,0.06973934539948032,0.0,0.09981919400425117,0.0,0.0,0.08842827311184998,0.0,0.036857846785340286,0.0403603647454466,0.0,0.04000876474608995,0.0,0.03664510038570018,0.053017141483305864,0.05667582907528095,0.030815816910225325,0.06491906925276836,0.0,0.08187124542573193,0.02342291425890104,0.06777300497442935,0.0,0.11195918886186017,0.0,0.0,0.033419128403075836,0.1347567447576802,0.03917137288336673,0.11968456416793125,0.15339619913477942,0.034440569082876016,0.0,0.0,0.09135113110838587,0.0,0.058180764379549325,0.2079525244403017,0.055970086074197616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03268321560091194,0.03181359202167407,0.0,0.0,0.03398609821344424,0.0,0.02566722013355806,0.0,0.0718589621153967,0.050090545237912544,0.03854755056210775,0.17136248159445236,0.022704090424081638 ptsd,throwawayayay8329,2019/10/04,I can't adjust in my country. I used to live in the US as a kid. I got deported to Bangladesh and now I still can't adjust to my culture. I've tried so hard to leave this country but I just can't. I want to commit suicide now. I just can't.,-2.4542857142857137,-0.7080478571428549,0.83642857142857,101.53357142857143,99.0,3.5142857142857147,17.714285714285715,5.148860815047168,-0.7722785714285711,184,6,48,1,8,65,33,56,0.249,0.7509999999999999,0.0,-0.8905,0,0,0,0,0,2,6.0,1,0,0,0,6,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,1,9,7,4,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,1,1,10,0,8,6,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,3,33,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2796580569244807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132300543377342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37024344187222585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308759512466154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27924193606677705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3824754084563212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23739874531278626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4206024588295118,0.3019972271668743,0.0,0.0,0.20624074929781933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PTSDLEO,2019/10/04,"Police PTSD I'm going to try to make this post as short as possible while trying to get a point across... Throw-away as some of the members of this sub reddit seem to have major issues with Police and/or are Police haters. I was shocked and appalled at the comments on a recent thread where the OP stated he/she had a rise in PTSD symptoms when they were around or approached by the Police. ""Fuck the Police"" ""Fuck 12"" those were just some of the horrible things being said about our men and women who serve our communities with pride and put their lives on the line to help people they don't even know. Police are there to protect life and property, to serve those less fortunate the same as those driving 250k cars. I understand if someone has a problem with Police if your trauma involved Police brutality or violence that was unjust. These types of things happen but on such a minute scale. During the millions of Police interactions with the public only a handful go sideways. I won't say where I serve other than to say I'm Canadian and we have a much different way of doing things compared to our American brothers and sisters. Use of force is used on a much lower scale and even at that, most are deemed appropriate. I'm not here to argue with people. If some of you want to have a mutually respectful discussion I'm all for that. That's the reason I came to this subreddit, for respectful dialog, support, mutual respect and a sense of community. This post is also for the MODs of this sub as a heads up as some of the rules of this sub and reddit in general being ""Respect each other"" ""Remember the human"" and ""Behave like you would in real life"". Trauma is Trauma, PTSD is PTSD regardless of your job, age, sex, ethnicity... I'm not here to defend all Police, only to say most are great people doing a very important and very difficult job. The rate of PTSD among first responder's is though the roof. None of us asked for this, but we are stronger as a whole rather than labeling someone just because of their occupation. My heart goes out to those suffering, the clouds will part, you will see the light.. keep going, you're loved and there are many people who care about you. Take care all, be safe and best of luck on your recovery. PTSDLEO",5.288643410852713,6.543185848837211,5.669302325581398,79.94573643410854,68.4186046511628,8.710077519379848,26.891472868217047,9.029198982220553,2.088393798449612,1785,54,329,32,30,571,225,430,0.087,0.759,0.155,0.9902,4,0,0,0,0,0,54.0,6,7,4,3,18,26,5,0,31,0,30,10,3,4,3,63,59,31,0,8,12,2,1,1,0,4,3,4,0,3,23,24,0,3,5,0,0,9,5,12,0,2,7,7,23,14,68,45,19,37,0,1,1,4,38,19,2,13,6,233,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07065762497300246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865486423609276,0.08260018896352507,0.0,0.08301262293429237,0.0,0.0,0.05386051247023275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272333585112427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105481564729728,0.18016803874024326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09231238306797572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1167155583114192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515489165847933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336592531444816,0.04616194753072613,0.0,0.15064289628494526,0.0,0.0,0.09741192468428543,0.0,0.0,0.0781322153828036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067793010958178,0.0,0.0,0.10470134253315144,0.059222631008051675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922198779075314,0.17535781371222195,0.07853416527620179,0.0,0.0,0.04855770960616307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12481578757034953,0.043165889837088564,0.0,0.07801926415711359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07974402151646551,0.0,0.05897778497313458,0.08957830928299422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990248291089765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343962286469964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09568007612696336,0.0,0.2450174948715768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08352422700846801,0.09960721725762127,0.1692397242088499,0.0,0.0,0.08454399790343801,0.5164125282427461,0.08882138421297868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10056756593231016,0.0,0.09084386557965804,0.08724010501491906,0.0,0.10008922267706516,0.0,0.08404603244670535,0.2107908143809399,0.0,0.0,0.07040765845632772,0.08043525962370404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14972615579404885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10026443880601317,0.0,0.0918348878921918,0.0664321177079351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17609781518682807,0.0,0.08680853964071478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997476789095485,0.0,0.0,0.09198088371096004,0.1062804319078213,0.15262105612782387,0.0,0.14580459373943802,0.05211418871245778,0.07013224859313008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09864543027724254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06276500211440976,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ReiSafira,2019/10/04,"Unresolved Childhood Trauma I'm reaching my 30's, and my abuse occured in childhood. I'd thought that it would resolve or dissipate (the void, the pain, the occurrence of flashbacks and memories as I'd gotten older... that all of it would eventually go away! That I'd tough it out and move on with adulthood.. But, instead, it's fucked me up for the worst, as the years have passed; in terms of my self-hatred, wanting to die, gender-identity issues, confusion of my sexual orientation (I believe I'm asexual, but have always thought I was just ""gay"").. It's causing problems regarding intimacy with my partner, because that's when I get triggered sometimes.. I never confronted my main abuser (he wasn't the only adult that hurt me during my foster care upbringing, but did the most hurt)... When asked to via phone conversation: bring up what ""we did"" for the investigators to have documented, in an attempt to get him to admit it on recording, because that's all they had.. aside from me pointing him out on a sheet of paper with other offenders faces on it.. and an intensive recorded interrogation type interview.. my voice connecting to his again.. I couldn't do it.. I was 12-13 years old when the shit storm investigation occured all those years later, from when the abuse happened.. i was scared shitless that he'd walk free and come to kill me, or that the courtroom would rule in his favor beforehand.. laughing at me in disgust.. (I was a god-fearing child and fighting the reality that I was a homosexual.. and living in those times, in a very conservative state.. a society unlike today's that never spoke of child abuse and didn't take it seriously.. especially when it happened against boys like me, back then.. i thought that maybe in my child brain that all of those biases would be used against me in court .. I was scared of not being believed by a jury.. utterly terrified.. so I never completed the investigation, so I'll never know. I don't know if attempting to continue where I left on the case (there aren't legal statue of limitations for what happened to me today, where I live) would benefit me or hurt me more because at this point.. I just need closure for myself because it's driven me literally insane.. I want to finally confront him (to torture and kill him, really, but I don't have the nerve) in a courtroom, to tell him off, and maybe even get some justice (god willing).. have it on record that it happened: all the shit I've been holding inside my entire life.. how what he did utterly broke me.. destroyed my trust in people.. created my warped view of the world around me.. how even today, I'm completley directed by fear in all aspects of my life and can't function in normal society without psych meds and intensive therapy.. how it destroyed my mother especially.. (she's since passed and I wish I would've completed the investigation as a kid, with her by my side to have given her potential closure as well from the guilt she held onto).. I want HIM to know.. for the Department of Children and Families to know how badly they'd failed me, to apologize TO ME for not keeping me safe.. to apologize for taking me from a neglectful household to a sexually abusive one, instead of a safe one... I'm done venting.. I just want peace..",7.9127506137479555,7.362312870703768,8.252961845335516,69.90099759615387,62.6824877250409,11.50002045826514,37.91535392798691,10.886138598105592,4.181321153846153,2568,115,457,59,32,849,284,611,0.175,0.723,0.102,-0.9957,0,0,0,0,6,1,129.0,1,0,2,6,25,42,13,5,33,0,36,9,4,7,10,89,76,38,3,15,14,1,0,1,1,6,3,2,0,8,35,23,0,8,9,0,1,9,14,31,1,2,22,3,71,12,86,43,12,73,0,6,1,2,37,36,3,8,28,325,106,6,0.0,0.41521345735688703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831874098446969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06239308360763712,0.06552271809329438,0.0,0.06584988193078409,0.053893262880690976,0.058520462464048864,0.17089971435807802,0.0,0.0,0.15793010721514167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824126722003047,0.0,0.0,0.07145927727242632,0.07199957194969482,0.0,0.06037451317605594,0.14697164311372754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274016671495881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172424777862085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09258478364641033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06607262716024126,0.1577367287733026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767778601019372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06479512701330238,0.10985409280463704,0.0,0.03983256434758083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479139666274932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22509161477042275,0.0,0.0,0.0731535501135654,0.0,0.06229733898498764,0.1550837368014956,0.0,0.15407389051788406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761507000151089,0.0,0.09901030209720124,0.034241403882147366,0.0,0.12377778587093093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1408254164567473,0.0,0.07785184811679252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449233754540695,0.0,0.051969284030477805,0.2162244131702632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06867125334643323,0.0,0.0,0.0735454528745714,0.0,0.09498673936883607,0.053305000345263545,0.07457845892867594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04859011960458348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251142518942285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706464731640283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04490009848493298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140340414168239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07311695722871109,0.0,0.14388842843003347,0.05797742874592905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693187175880993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539474486770754,0.0,0.061259907084312885,0.0,0.08015161301991336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669258726831795,0.04086881360881993,0.0,0.19930538010158924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060533435584391726,0.0,0.05782985131253869,0.16535861907894545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06301743235939597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08059761715626969,0.06756222704656191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987305664506548,0.0,0.0,0.1354029140812651 ptsd,ashj23,2019/10/04,"Ever think about revenge? I do, constantly. I don’t know how to stop.",-1.2659523809523812,0.11850050000000326,1.4014285714285712,93.32690476190477,115.42857142857143,4.723809523809524,18.952380952380953,6.42735559955562,0.5709809523809528,53,2,11,1,3,18,12,14,0.384,0.616,0.0,-0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,5,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,8,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5862695374919773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4907388523563296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2981538636754896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4535695821475606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3476238138027953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,trth-alt,2019/10/04,"is it possible that i have ptsd? i’m 17 years old, and i live alone with my mom. this year, after my birthday she had to go to a mental hospital for 2months i think, so in that time i had to take care of everything myself, while i had my final exams (i graduated now) and i was going through a hard time then (self harm, anxiety, bad days..) then after she came back after 2 weeks she had to go to the hospital again because of an operation for 3 months, so she couldn’t come to my graduation party thingy. i was there alone, i was the only one with no family there. now that she’s back, i sometimes still think of that time and i have to cry when i think about it and my heart starts beating faster. i was so under pressure and full of stress. i don’t know how i survived this.. i’m going to ask my therapist this week, but i wanted to ask you guys here too.",2.763076923076924,3.6217905555555565,4.363333333333333,88.44115384615385,74.0,7.7606837606837615,23.290598290598286,8.139509932561175,0.9968547008547008,660,17,151,10,13,222,103,180,0.115,0.848,0.036000000000000004,-0.8041,0,2,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,0,2,16,5,0,2,5,0,13,1,1,1,0,17,31,14,0,2,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,9,9,0,0,4,0,0,6,3,4,0,1,9,1,29,1,24,21,1,35,0,0,0,0,11,3,0,0,26,107,38,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807970073989929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10370245759396717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534592050242476,0.0,0.0,0.2084733961502228,0.11318631404049705,0.08263566248578452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550436721709334,0.13821169310534184,0.0,0.0,0.1167722933253525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14890547417897335,0.08742450372448701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183191579216825,0.0,0.1277931993759286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14849853570781166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081657900467425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342249731831273,0.0,0.0,0.1214344642436692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16063836763825412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07449982033340814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11970130406463705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661184326724646,0.0,0.0,0.15876535887830684,0.10820210252879334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224663262744622,0.0,0.0918584582144131,0.1030989205308199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1528226897395029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15846151263741895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141786537757825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1340715675757203,0.0,0.09594953707720504,0.0,0.10825779464978044,0.0,0.15528266644079405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10192368778820704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15739474109956575,0.0,0.2605826872675677,0.0,0.0,0.23713707189680264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07995635970866828,0.0,0.2174749120877695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17459142904775288 ptsd,abgldbrg,2019/08/03,"How do you get over lingering effects of sexual assault? What I’m (F18) really worried about here is my current, wonderful relationship. The only issue is really how I feel about myself and my past. I don’t let my problems rub off on him or our bond, but I’m still in a decent amount of emotional pain. I try to think introspectively by only trusting what I see right in front of me. I’m aware that thoughts lie, especially after trauma. I’m allowed to be loved and I’m still lovable after everything I’ve been through. I’ve been having very intrusive and dark thoughts because I went through hell when I was a teenager. So far, I’ve found that affirmations like “You deserve to be loved” help. Researching different therapies helps. I’m supposed to start seeing a therapist when I go back to school, but I still have three weeks until then. Most of my years have been spent strictly avoiding everything that’s ever hurt me. I’m trying to be better — do you know of anything that helps speed up the process of healing? Whether it’s been for yourself or for someone else. I’ll try anything. How do you move on? Do you ever move on? How do you maintain healthy relationships again?",3.2757884151246977,5.749018694690268,4.236717618664522,82.9842880128721,76.65486725663717,7.294931617055512,28.85679806918745,8.296473431620573,2.2909628318584074,939,42,173,18,22,303,134,226,0.107,0.7120000000000001,0.18100000000000002,0.9670000000000001,3,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,6,0,2,17,12,2,1,5,0,20,4,0,6,2,26,43,17,0,1,5,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,8,0,1,5,1,7,0,1,10,4,23,5,30,29,2,34,1,1,2,2,15,10,1,4,20,111,30,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980952101732171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09255088738090222,0.0,0.07337150958923366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645033759105378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12575258921311422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005469400890534,0.13539096031191614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2177484959182896,0.0,0.0,0.2163470663615124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060858603485311726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197063333291453,0.0,0.0,0.06288413571594333,0.0,0.06840445317231512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420281746098358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12884992529970274,0.0,0.0,0.12562657401282534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06614776378091193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307821849996425,0.0,0.05880275464998859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172626650224712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558513466949589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18308132854064035,0.12807356957825064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11489907237027047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517010270395313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421385665477347,0.0,0.0,0.2584473168915241,0.0,0.10278842247659574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12181268938116528,0.19182573468601885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10198226466628603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08519278684252986,0.0,0.288363555612157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764434575850176,0.13974946661640605,0.0,0.07712305866703191,0.0,0.19110784066969688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451535298046684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09931118974796184,0.0,0.0,0.09654707252096184,0.0,0.0,0.11157670617530152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13052736850673147,0.0,0.12223337279338073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07750913059345818 ptsd,GiftofSeasons,2019/08/03,"Triggered by family interrogation Went up to a in law family event this weekend and was interrogated by a Christian family member about my beliefs. She cornered me into saying something I don't believe, so I feel gross. I should have shut it down but hindsight is 20/20. It triggered me and all I want to do is leave.",6.0089999999999995,7.118079899999998,7.1733333333333364,70.35000000000002,66.66666666666666,9.333333333333334,33.33333333333333,9.516144504307137,3.2798333333333325,254,11,43,5,4,86,46,60,0.122,0.853,0.026000000000000002,-0.525,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,2,0,7,0,0,2,1,12,10,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,2,8,0,9,7,1,9,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,2,34,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3115590826997773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7820748357334936,0.0,0.13982388194274153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928095412584865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21991090873628727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128893569756113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.163106897681504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563497566220141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,firefly1801,2019/08/03,"Struggling in my current relationship due to past abuse Hi all. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD due to an abusive relationship (emotional and sexual). Thankfully I’m in a wonderful relationship with someone else who is very caring, understanding, and accommodating to my mental health and struggles with a relationship. But of course, PTSD has to be a bitch. Does anyone else have feelings that because you feel broken that your SO will leave? I feel as though I only deserve the type of relationship my abuser and I were in. I don’t feel I’m worth my SO’s time because he is such a great guy and I’m such a mess because I struggle moving past this. I fear that eventually he will only see the bad parts of me like I do and will see I’m not worth it... He’s super reassuring and that is always helpful, but does anyone else have any sort of coping mechanisms to help with these feelings? I just want to feel comfortable in my relationship and by all means I should and not focus on past issues, but again that’s really hard no matter how much I try. Thank you so much to anyone in advance and best of luck on your healing processes.",4.7914212328767105,6.228188105022834,5.858627283105028,77.43807791095892,69.77625570776256,8.945319634703194,28.299372146118717,9.354420925462401,2.464052283105023,901,32,169,19,16,299,119,219,0.128,0.687,0.18600000000000005,0.9416,1,0,0,0,2,0,20.0,0,4,0,3,9,17,1,4,8,0,15,3,0,1,2,37,34,19,0,2,6,0,7,1,0,4,3,0,0,1,9,14,0,0,9,0,2,2,4,7,0,0,2,9,20,10,25,27,6,17,0,0,2,0,19,7,1,3,9,108,29,1,0.0,0.2950351066784448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06906518267027377,0.0,0.0,0.05644491689158546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17411297693009764,0.17009285688472492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06930407553044997,0.1517936574657211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08710657484023103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0846271362343051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08424634346849702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452730480437258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080151801230448,0.09336725371377534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09340150183832577,0.2518130010683901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09151115013232962,0.0,0.08218606426416344,0.0,0.0,0.07435442485503893,0.0,0.0,0.0882283554312099,0.0,0.0,0.11127038286070656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08663361410559035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878882399550221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040551095138300415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041464917486933,0.0,0.0,0.08364754682937871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821910098298068,0.12203357704664307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262551119567216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08988420914077028,0.2377073953111246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1940522356185884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05317387603756718,0.0,0.0,0.5346852438064499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13228536083944553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032821066831943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2603184135626658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15283610403929052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08155007027708655,0.0,0.04839974302878355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05635361908792937,0.0,0.0,0.08640909709831346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06848620490210633,0.04895734647217812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09001326162310139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Whichwayisd0wn,2019/08/03,"it's been a long week my first post on this thread :) this week i went to therapy and was explaining what happened to me after my assault (it's strange. i go into this 'watching a movie' type of thing but i;m not really watching a movie and i don't really know whats going on and apparently i sound different and text/write really weird a lot. honestly it's really frustrating and hard to explain) she thinks i developed DID (dissociative identity disorder) :,) naturally, my stupid self though 'woah, that's kinda cool' but it was relieving to know i wasn't crazy and weird by boyfriend wasn't surprised. luckily he's supportive and caring :) i'm really grateful for him and my support <3",3.103549450549451,5.8439366076923065,4.732967032967032,77.66846153846154,79.07692307692307,9.56043956043956,27.747252747252745,9.784248007369934,3.4350329670329667,549,24,98,19,14,184,82,130,0.166,0.612,0.222,0.8906,2,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,1,1,12,3,0,4,1,7,0,0,0,0,19,20,11,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,11,9,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,5,0,1,7,5,13,7,11,13,1,12,0,0,2,0,6,3,0,2,5,60,24,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17554422558338198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988657600683194,0.1973278467341264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1464522492139875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19570241760881693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15225407723134265,0.0,0.15423527854868524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18924611909010414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15236975053959925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14637730998897608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16489637414003627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5514996315388512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17961642103928802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3907650521551149,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19689749706255136,0.0,0.11438563987280755,0.11032300043758936,0.16916138924311655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2762173313162753,0.0,0.0,0.15960825746482676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jolivier7,2019/08/03,"TW: SA and self-harm/suicide mentioned—Unable to process events healthily 2 years ago I was sexually assaulted by a close friend from an extremely tight-knit group of friends at a party my freshman year at an elite music conservatory. I reported it to the school and was basically called a drunk slut unable to properly recall what happened. I left because I was in a downward spiral and was going to kill myself and was self-harming and not taking care of myself. I want nothing more than to move on from it all. I thought one way to move on was to help out a friend-of-a-friend who is a journalism student at my old school who was writing a report on the title ix department there. I was happy to oblige but it became all too much and one night while I was very drunk, I decided to look for some documentation he had asked for, and everything came spiraling back and I began inconsolably crying. For hours, I cried so hard that I woke up my roommate. The thing is, that was the first time I even approached anything close to processing my trauma. I have been in therapy since I was 15 and especially since I was assaulted, but I’ve never been able to catharize the deep, conflicting emotional hang ups I have with the friends I sorely, sorely miss; the assaulter whom I can never really escape without shutting out any person from that extremely tightly knit group of friends; the youth/naïvety/innocence I had before all of that. I just want to cry about it, but I’ve compartmentalized and can’t soberly, healthily access the emotional capacity required to let out the anguish, confusion, anger, longing, isolation, desperation, and all of the half-discernible emotions that lie in between. I’m not sure what I’m hoping to get out of Reddit from this but all of my friends, who *have* helped me through this, are asleep and I’m too anxious to follow suit and needed a place to vent.",8.385589984350549,7.6096885746478895,8.056596244131455,72.42821205007827,61.84507042253521,11.156494522691704,37.750391236306726,10.380263240014207,3.8544710485133016,1504,64,270,29,18,480,197,355,0.183,0.7290000000000001,0.08800000000000001,-0.9886,0,1,0,0,0,2,43.0,0,0,0,3,8,19,5,2,21,0,25,6,1,0,8,49,45,19,1,4,8,0,2,0,5,0,2,0,0,1,18,21,2,3,2,2,0,8,6,10,0,3,20,3,29,9,52,24,8,46,0,1,1,1,18,22,0,3,15,185,47,6,0.09429743832031133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835889894891006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06412549165475527,0.0,0.0,0.10652926460325997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07759875707515937,0.0,0.08815537561100882,0.0,0.0,0.07250890943482352,0.0,0.057482843162882775,0.0,0.08024017467607639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962882276106882,0.10785114831423216,0.09614252296237794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3107439243848408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31821577806642143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228256867024401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08474845722837268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08020935286338812,0.0,0.0,0.5099777685195412,0.0,0.04926651953912401,0.0,0.05359140728275179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08338691328457888,0.10038137654571204,0.08447198283051634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12641117040282782,0.0,0.0,0.0936586331857328,0.092863981973049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10432614417360248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245444264559904,0.09642551952943068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834502655461428,0.07918609877235075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2004465073352769,0.06931946716774269,0.06992035567600842,0.14545599537059858,0.0,0.0,0.08849175797995447,0.0,0.09048093528431407,0.0,0.0989492989806708,0.0,0.1277967692854565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823368859195435,0.09852075285806272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06040935361189845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19086808376023806,0.0,0.0,0.19674558735043526,0.0,0.0,0.15600763084280356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10314609242886097,0.0,0.08887421965255027,0.0,0.07089993815587806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783733882251456,0.0,0.06264702795828543,0.0,0.0,0.07486163290025415,0.054985594604484885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07780526224090473,0.1112381445674032,0.07484891735419802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09089936552884646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144891723064492 ptsd,blaq-gem,2019/08/03,"feeling like a void ive gotten so used to having to control my issues, emotions, and mental processes that i’ve forgotten how to express my deepest feelings. i don’t even know how i really feel. i know how i should feel, and what would be logical for me to feel. it’s not an empty or numb sort of state, it’s like i’m detached from myself. i feel like i don’t know where my genuineness lies. i know who i am, what my goals are, what my reality is, etc., it just seems like something that was crucial to my identity has been lost. i used to be more creative and innovative, now i feel out of touch, as if my own thoughts aren’t in my head. i look to pieces of who i was before to try and understand myself. i don’t wanna think about any of this - which is why i have to get it out - or think about much of anything at all. my personality is a circle of theatrics and i hate it, i don’t hate myself, i just hate what comes out of me because i don’t feel connected to it, if that makes sense.",3.1830000000000003,3.590169300000003,4.869523809523808,86.86714285714287,72.66666666666666,8.095238095238095,26.42857142857143,8.192908349453996,1.4038571428571434,763,24,175,11,14,260,110,210,0.10800000000000001,0.797,0.095,-0.5501,1,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,3,11,9,3,0,3,0,22,2,1,7,1,46,51,14,0,5,7,0,9,4,0,2,1,0,0,1,17,9,0,1,18,0,0,1,7,5,0,0,6,10,33,4,28,41,6,9,0,1,1,0,4,6,0,6,5,127,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776520011557283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620535246868627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07867375521367061,0.0,0.10982052232315533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117372989413757,0.0,0.0,0.14475172207058992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14517508675174495,0.0,0.0,0.14393597358371246,0.08524288799976036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5220527586311873,0.18440092591260904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742850362268303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3822599806361756,0.13245275526604625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347050699590264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2837119205951192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25220871431553993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837786386954762,0.0,0.14088419466555774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614852709738502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13006208691489074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487392222482344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269018112995555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267911670986007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749134265443036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09935666438749848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16539282544051576,0.0,0.10245919404162783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762324278001013,0.0,0.0,0.13435597244665246,0.0,0.22293273976716046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11645654211131193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168049440791468,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,selggup,2019/08/03,"Dealing with ROCD and PTSD So I've been going to therapy for about over a year now since the break up with my long distance ex boyfriend. I'm not quite too sure where the ROCD stemmed from, but I was definitely inexperienced and naive in a sense and didn't realize that I had severe ROCD that's associated with my self esteem issues. My ROCD has gotten better, as therapy has been helping me learn skills to train my mind to think in a more positive manner, and how to handle my anxiety and not take what others say as a form of rejection or an attack. I still have difficulty self soothing and telling myself to not take my thoughts or what others say seriously. I'm working on it and there seems to be progress. However, it seems like the traumatic memories from my past relationship won't stop appearing? It was a long distance relationship that only lasted for less than 2 months. It was a toxic relationship, and the break up really hit me hard. I remember crying and not sleeping and eating for a few days straight. It was the worst type of pain I felt. Whenever I visited the state he lived in, I would be very anxious, relive those memories and come back to my state and feel weird for a week or two. There were certain times it would affect me either heavily or not so much. But, when I'm driving and I hear any sad music, I instantly think about him. I'm not sure if it was due to the fact that we used to have a playlist of korean songs that I soon removed and couldn't bear hearing because I would think of him. I became so obsessed with replaying the memories in my head, it doesn't want to go away. Now that I'm in a new relationship and we've almost been together for a year now. I feel so guilty for still thinking about my past relationship. My current bf completely understands, but I still feel bad. I would always wished that the relationship never happened. Yes, I learned some important lessons from him and I thought I was doing better, until recently I visited the state again and it's sticking with me. My therapist told me I just have to not resist and let myself feel those things, and let it pass. There's nothing much I can do but learn to cope with it. But, it really is taking a toll on me. I'm going back to the state in 2 weeks because of family reasons, and I'm going to be seeing my cousin (who is still friends with my ex and kind of back stabbed me) and it's going to bring back those traumatic memories for me",5.515592286501375,5.933271495867771,6.2321652892562005,79.11627823691464,67.51239669421487,9.924407713498624,30.80275482093664,9.888512548439397,2.79635696969697,1940,71,386,42,30,637,227,484,0.159,0.759,0.083,-0.991,2,0,0,0,1,0,41.0,1,0,0,7,28,17,1,1,24,1,34,4,2,4,5,91,76,41,0,8,19,3,6,1,2,5,1,5,0,2,29,31,1,1,21,1,0,13,12,9,0,1,17,12,49,8,57,47,9,66,0,2,1,0,29,14,0,10,34,268,78,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255687447101944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06029140393926141,0.0,0.0,0.04927436883611341,0.0,0.055430671310347186,0.08185765349234084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243217839718188,0.06807728980121222,0.2228649265806224,0.06049994875698601,0.08834024481265103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12816758079300766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06241671373706782,0.07597151921495046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07959242805838992,0.046729836908939164,0.07470168972009761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414329146648534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06830756950852486,0.0,0.1465490886298295,0.0,0.06957167003139945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05598137566066965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2058996118980137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06407494765749136,0.0,0.06490872086748424,0.0,0.07436348242520073,0.0,0.16333233640620873,0.0,0.048567507824884004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756280085103775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07545453698870652,0.0,0.05906347322211195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481877640825756,0.0,0.035399637887513866,0.0,0.06398231821087351,0.12824725574442658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07316258401319492,0.0,0.05783580562618165,0.0,0.1065308944884453,0.0,0.05588458022203239,0.06998101870376533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06952603189133105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0551080708113126,0.077101115636804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833996654507455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470028797905925,0.0,0.0,0.07706869670725637,0.0,0.0,0.09283773719973183,0.07449956338114913,0.07154417848102246,0.4667608593551462,0.08208152901707501,0.0,0.0,0.11524405848014542,0.0,0.0,0.0577401652848647,0.1319272728913278,0.15118035570280433,0.08185765349234084,0.0,0.0599385466296575,0.0,0.07251098189481565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23146229592785025,0.06057867849378381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13658284610927507,0.0,0.16343966867151336,0.0,0.06333205657312624,0.0,0.16572556935870222,0.08413008102495312,0.048138309468602015,0.18571431667383267,0.0,0.115048153737697,0.04225122333254625,0.0,0.0,0.0692373482055236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07078157544619892,0.07543201329175063,0.0,0.06258101178181684,0.0,0.05978597730976724,0.04273799095037946,0.0,0.11624392179192755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0833238751468357,0.0,0.0,0.05275076245127839,0.0,0.0,0.20589019295046296,0.0,0.0,0.093321993920738 ptsd,Maddog876423,2019/08/03,"Does therapy really help? This week was the first time I was officially diagnosed with PTSD I’ve been struggling with it for 4 years but I never sought help. I’m not really sure where to go from here...my therapist keeps pushing meds but I do not want it on my record as my work field/work place is extremely taboo with ptsd. Does anyone know of any different treatments that helped you that didn’t require meds?(my therapist wouldn’t discuss it just kept trying to push meds on me) Any advice is greatly appreciated. I’m new to seeking help/treatment and I’m hoping people know of some sort of alternative that’s not meds. Thank you in advance for any help given!",4.074509943181816,6.2324788515625045,4.7122443181818205,82.00377840909094,72.984375,8.092045454545454,26.48011363636364,8.841846274778883,2.1040375000000004,535,19,100,11,11,171,86,128,0.065,0.79,0.145,0.9267,1,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,2,0,4,4,5,0,1,1,0,8,1,0,0,2,23,20,4,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,4,2,0,0,4,6,1,0,1,6,0,8,4,16,13,1,15,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,3,6,51,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366805769488085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581851699709511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849018165442041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12845063651242372,0.0,0.13222301389527935,0.0,0.0,0.2214982243863716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076475977956273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07192410922827171,0.0,0.0,0.13952730763771645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4241356631930101,0.0,0.0,0.12569764641335218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248787737310333,0.0,0.0,0.13910261004205335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4217221451308653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09760699923165678,0.12222758427656605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08773728548729752,0.0,0.13222301389527935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2958719886897803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16214871629205613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13230273877517532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11927656700899412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11651481855273045,0.14472664424419693,0.29388016233946346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379522413824117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859225213059842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464540367454754,0.0,0.10151476793733004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18426705934247375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08149725517064002 ptsd,swimandride,2019/08/03,"Just diagnosed for the first time-ready to begin healing Hi all, I have had about 2 years where I was doing fairly well. Recently, I had another traumatic event which brought my issues back up. I went to the doctor and got diagnosed with anxiety and depression again (been diagnosed with those in the past). Then, the doctor sat me down and walked through the PTSD criteria and how I matched every single one. It was scary, I was shaking and my heart was racing. He helped me calm down and said now that we have had a few sessions and an ‘official title for paperwork’ that we could begin work towards healing. I was so appreciative of how he just immediately saw me as a whole, complex person and not just my diagnoses like others psychs when I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression years ago (and likely misdiagnosed PTSD I realize now). I am nervous and the PTSD diagnosis still feels surreal (even though I suspected), but I am ready to heal and be on this journey with many of you. I am thankful for the people and support of this sub!",7.408867132867132,7.466768805128207,7.601585081585082,72.1372027972028,63.51282051282051,11.603729603729606,35.67599067599068,11.20814326018867,4.118179487179487,827,35,148,22,11,269,120,195,0.075,0.825,0.10099999999999999,0.8462,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,2,1,0,2,17,10,0,2,10,0,18,11,1,2,1,32,29,21,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,10,1,0,1,8,19,0,0,4,0,0,5,1,4,1,2,16,3,22,6,22,11,4,28,0,2,1,0,9,7,0,0,18,118,30,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10444578028473717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355100063699577,0.18027337749293465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060104291011893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940745999587462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20296699532365126,0.5979553532707637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412001318887288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782306644285472,0.0,0.0992736203349737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05957644601644758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10022287022673912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09423634257514224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13962456513077115,0.07897639037227394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297989727471663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512781882577935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11945723116995953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07984205436308389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11247840059391828,0.08168582260548103,0.10288125683351458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131974219593909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633911686293873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11207965865024427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09409612237862626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1337077283601956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108478496301166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576360248804242,0.0,0.06870538055295554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10593986684233117,0.1092260293772634,0.0,0.1315486981481328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08577884668920012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15175236598051206 ptsd,Its402am,2019/08/03,"I think I have PTSD and I don't know where to start | TW for descriptions of sexual abuse/animal Abuse Hi! Long-time lurker, first-time poster to this subreddit. tl;dr - spent more time being looked after by day-cares than my home, dealt with some fucked up things and I'm not sure what to do or if it's even worthy of direct help. Looking for advice. I've been seeing a therapist for general anxiety, OCD and depression, as well as treating ADHD and some learning disabilities. I have no idea how to breech this subject with my therapist because I feel like I've already dumped a bunch on her and I feel like I'm just asking for attention at this point. Basically, I have a specific old memory from my childhood that haunts me every single day. I was a military kid of a single mom, and spent a lot of time away from her and was looked after by babysitters, was placed in daycares, etc. I don't resent her at all - I love my mom with everything I have! She was my whole world and still is. It was very difficult to have to be separated from her and I wound up in the care of mean or neglectful babysitters and a few day-cares where I had some gross encounters. TW details to follow:>!I know I was sexually abused by a handful of older kids several times at a particular day-care (Mom DID learn about this and tried to do something but didn't/couldn't pull me out of the daycare), and I know I had a minor situation happen with a cousin during a period my mother wasn't mentally well and they were visiting/looking after me (Mom DOESN'T know about this, I don't want to tell her). The memory that TRULY haunts me during this period of my life is from a particular babysitter's home. We (4-5 other kids) were left alone all the time in the babysitter's basement. There was another child who was 2 or 3 that they looked after, and he fatally abused several of the babysitter's pets while we were left alone. I was 5 or 6 and could do nothing but watch. I blocked it out until I was 10 and owned a pet - that's when I'd say it truly began to haunt me. I didn't tell my mother until a few weeks ago, and I was even more vague talking about it than I'm being here.!< I pushed this event aside as an intrusive thought and told myself it was nothing more, but it HAUNTS me. DAILY. It feels like I'm there. For a split second I hear things, I feel things, I see everything, it takes over my vision, my bones, my guts, I feel physically and emotionally for the animals. I gasp, I plug my ears, I cry, I panic. At home alone or in public, on the bus, at work. And it loops like my other intrusive thoughts. I think about it once and it takes minutes or hours to cool off. When things IRL remind me of it (area carpets, certain animals, roadkill, certain gestures), it's like I'm FORCED to think about it again. I'm freaking my husband out with it lately, I know. I had to open up to him about it recently because it flaired up a few weeks ago and I was crying in bed and it was torture because it is so incredibly difficult to talk about it. Subconsciously I know a lot of my current issues are because I was left alone with strangers so much as a child and I kept a lot of went on from my mom when I could. Compared to other people's stories I feel ashamed posting here looking for direction, and as badly as I'd like to talk to my therapist about this, I don't know if it's worth it. It's not like she can do anything about the memory itself, right? It's not like my other intrusive thoughts that are purely fictional. This is something that happened and nothing can change it. But I can't handle this plaguing me anymore. I want help and I have no idea if THIS is even the best place to start. I appreciate any advice. Thanks so much if you read the whole thing and hope it's okay to post this.",3.606230825755489,4.880088557591623,4.696268944612843,85.26577891062736,72.45549738219896,7.9792045558923475,26.3616239551759,8.479577106124081,1.680831064572426,2974,99,615,50,57,975,309,764,0.127,0.7659999999999999,0.107,-0.9409,1,4,2,0,5,0,99.0,2,1,2,2,30,35,4,2,32,2,55,8,4,1,6,105,109,58,1,9,18,9,7,8,0,0,2,3,7,5,57,40,0,3,25,1,3,3,13,14,2,1,34,19,85,21,99,70,24,74,0,2,8,2,43,35,1,17,42,421,142,4,0.0,0.19281946293932947,0.0,0.0,0.06519367246055226,0.10601797572840327,0.09617238209367138,0.0,0.0,0.22473178465006535,0.059862289275719176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03688943557673828,0.056882116294807175,0.04149837383162501,0.0,0.053797886466108814,0.0,0.0,0.04464019340967936,0.0,0.050713093427086735,0.0,0.050966310795648236,0.0,0.045293506843076994,0.1322724916350901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056928286156411365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05530785519899741,0.0,0.057385534767281726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08662272758054093,0.0,0.11917432192877755,0.13993784995174932,0.0,0.04672237445461226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061019937321667814,0.0,0.0,0.0604991137455325,0.10748777491880797,0.0,0.045704960605633616,0.0,0.09750639480429396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457176291249534,0.11626099070792875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04614198938288228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050149954480930514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095939885564259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06113967407167534,0.0,0.07272048301573365,0.0,0.16324079004026432,0.05387894932193075,0.05342181076501955,0.0,0.0,0.12247524306201878,0.0,0.056619183840176834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20868695172901724,0.0,0.06119234080367299,0.0,0.17681672907275944,0.0,0.03831586086943265,0.2120165420094394,0.0,0.0,0.04800638740206607,0.2733200554590289,0.0,0.0,0.13835513595023272,0.04895952496188508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05909026994115305,0.0,0.0,0.0546676469706091,0.0,0.0,0.31766384168254097,0.0,0.0,0.07975474190718787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15615275050352986,0.0,0.056922507662990965,0.05777068221644922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06364650271295935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03760764734503199,0.0,0.11335195635134747,0.0,0.05128041449851994,0.0,0.10390617809806424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634111788854552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426111424855083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05356180962448054,0.0,0.0,0.046326158574140436,0.0,0.04313894192176232,0.0,0.0,0.08645476980336878,0.0,0.0,0.12256606046085093,0.0,0.0,0.06097526509423695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835231108734608,0.0,0.0,0.07679181093646244,0.0,0.043321272579226064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05112662243522182,0.0,0.08157313522295748,0.13080368744003926,0.09482754933572733,0.04994282855076334,0.0,0.18895287412151707,0.1801946029812558,0.10427677435204816,0.0,0.12919682856756234,0.12652612853131248,0.0,0.0,0.05183479274238675,0.0,0.036829768123374185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044758989520421726,0.06399190496328648,0.0,0.08702643515116715,0.0,0.09754811850835683,0.050286988154081474,0.0,0.12112841349585887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039492050310019726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JeeEyeElElEeTeeTeeEe,2019/06/18,"Can an abusive relationship cause PTSD? I (18F) was in a relationship with my ex girlfriend (now 20F) for just over two years, from when I was 15 to when I was 17. Just gonna lay it all out, I know not all of it is especially traumatic. In that time, there were about a dozen cases of physical violence, but none more severe than causing some bruises, however often it would be in front of friends or teachers. She threatened to kill herself I’d estimate 12-15 times, and said about half a dozen times that I would “die young,” and that she “would laugh.” For a long time she made me feel sexually inadequate until I gave in and performed acts that she wanted but I wasn’t really comfortable with yet. There was a lot of emotional stress as well, as she wanted me to be constantly texting her, she had access to my phone’s location, she didn’t want me hanging out with friends and family, she would gaslight me, say that actually I was abusive, make mountains out of molehills, and probably more that I can’t remember right now. I’ve been experiencing a lot of the symptoms of PTSD, but I don’t believe that I’m capable of self-diagnosing, and for the time being I’m not in a place where I’m able to seek therapy, but I’m trying to get more perspective, because it’s kind of ruining my life. I’m not sure if my experience is bad enough to cause PTSD. Does anyone have any advice in that regard? Any information is really appreciated.",6.877236061684459,6.2647562491103255,7.673295373665483,73.41497271648876,64.80071174377224,11.621447212336893,34.747568208778176,11.072351349416056,3.724544294187425,1130,45,224,29,15,380,157,281,0.153,0.732,0.115,-0.9275,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,0,0,1,14,11,1,1,10,0,24,2,0,5,3,46,40,17,2,8,11,1,1,0,3,5,2,2,0,0,12,12,0,0,4,0,0,3,8,4,1,4,13,4,28,7,39,19,10,31,0,1,0,0,21,13,0,6,15,154,40,0,0.10227100178329228,0.2423488272704629,0.09980174497112558,0.0,0.0,0.09993803930253914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13909557646944826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715102623661111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08539201462645071,0.0623434534419756,0.0,0.0,0.11522439722308415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31518147202631425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051862048873116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380291402236644,0.10614115334221977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08949804285267815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150411117056924,0.0,0.10567328360416367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004066401070276,0.0964119985952173,0.0,0.05171129140140966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15802864456716553,0.0,0.053432377351836015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11314771076367965,0.10649951047153056,0.05620546796233848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07223703307238488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09050661829747154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389429694104389,0.0,0.0967712946967236,0.06826668783769138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1068514295904042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11026543746449392,0.0,0.3586479845970403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13103484508209073,0.0,0.0,0.2196015641225753,0.11585310848016475,0.08733887672367155,0.09728314251966684,0.08133000547551518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1066909593366821,0.11553712173182228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11715108700511513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09638920885316232,0.10629872972003616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11695580354537954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29817521790723944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0694352969659857,0.0,0.09990390818450262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18096625980622064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195391285673378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29060154147384376,0.0,0.0,0.06585917206193516 ptsd,djxpurity,2019/06/18,"TW: Yelling triggering rage meltdowns Some people with PTSD have rage episodes from different triggers. Rage episodes can be dangerous. Your house can get destroyed, you can attack someone by mistake or even worse, end up in jail. Yelling (out of anger or over stimulation) will trigger violent rages in me. I lose my memory and dont know what happens until I snap out of it, and generally the outcome is not good and I need to be restrained. However, it's hard to cover up these meltdowns when people in your social circle dont respect your triggers. Does anyone else have rage meltdowns? How do you deal with them?",4.902410714285715,7.439318705357145,4.686928571428575,81.40807142857145,71.76785714285714,7.337142857142857,32.628571428571426,8.238735603445708,2.735765,493,24,83,8,10,151,80,112,0.354,0.6459999999999999,0.0,-0.9934,2,0,0,0,2,0,15.0,0,5,1,1,3,14,10,0,1,0,12,0,0,6,0,22,16,8,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,4,7,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,12,0,0,0,3,11,2,17,13,1,11,0,1,0,0,8,8,0,3,3,55,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13916069157552394,0.20392138495487905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22641606424652616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2051827685238986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20793545353681653,0.0,0.0,0.17416534530765254,0.0,0.4665042068942386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662572017004331,0.0,0.1762742692697652,0.0,0.0,0.1314520422163547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398069226396313,0.0,0.0,0.16693006913876668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17599434768676867,0.0,0.1782844685152052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22964447154767545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093771933309484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226545208398356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14757216573336918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2759533565667981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2326458698248059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.202877693078946,0.16863055137702393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20282024848438132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nothingmuch_,2019/06/18,"Anyone overcome an aversion to sex/romance? (Possible T/W CSA) Hi. I (30F) have never been on a date, or had any kind of non drunk/high sexual encounter. This is possibly because of something that happened when I was a child (doctor says I have PTSD as a result of this). I have flashbacks/go straight into panic mode whenever there is the possibility of intimacy. The last time I almost had sex, every part of me wanted to run away as fast as I could even though I liked the person. On one level it felt good, but the other parts of my brain were screaming don’t touch me. I didn’t say anything and it ended the potential relationship. Im seeing a therapist but was wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and how they manage to have relationships/sex without freaking out. How do you distinguish between your feelings and the anxiety? (I’m sorry if this post isn’t right for this group)",4.62782647584973,6.23442605813954,5.9665116279069785,75.85111806797855,70.3953488372093,8.780679785330948,30.091234347048307,9.265573868473778,2.8160218246869397,710,29,126,15,13,239,120,172,0.071,0.877,0.052000000000000005,-0.47,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,2,1,0,6,6,0,1,12,0,19,3,1,3,1,22,26,15,0,4,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,3,0,2,8,5,0,0,4,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,9,7,14,3,20,16,2,17,0,0,1,1,10,8,0,5,8,91,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380457065213912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09374873310031824,0.0,0.10546162909826312,0.0,0.0,0.1927882013405879,0.0,0.11344607235328825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12952291064333935,0.0,0.0,0.08403746439150972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15389604909867108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11006905962923567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14110435606998162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210200643010333,0.0,0.0,0.09105445831908816,0.0,0.1161520117125349,0.0,0.0,0.1348523906736599,0.0,0.0,0.06970556762354481,0.0,0.13236609781466924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07834835114981267,0.11562944756370812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219081097991965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14565542492022635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14891119519006965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14355875917740712,0.0,0.11237334780469847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06735086176755209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632522991991876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09341671233749337,0.0,0.0,0.16174763593749414,0.0,0.29857536149291225,0.0,0.0,0.12037301458740908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4662453580283518,0.132030653298096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161149597221208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1480087932764826,0.0,0.11773068922932314,0.0,0.2192617528148698,0.0,0.0,0.10985564041343499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10613046400094447,0.0,0.1543216756885769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16006472935145946,0.0,0.0,0.13544560243401646,0.0,0.08038659353586246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08131271087767769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289099448674813,0.14950202257541534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Fishwithlegs85,2019/06/18,"Is this real? (Tw: child abuse and gas lighting?) Hi everyone. I'm new here and new to PTSD. I originally started getting help for what I initially thought was depression and anxiety. But after meeting with mental health professionals I now know those were symptoms not the problem. I've only had the diagnosis for about 12 months and had my first sit down with my dedicated therapist on Friday. I have been a rollercoaster emotionally lately and since it will be 2 weeks before I see him again. I was told to use crisis services in case of emergency but to keep him in the loop. Saturday I had what a crisis services operator described as a flashback. I had been thinking of my grandpa who we lost recently. When a phantom smell hit me and I remembered Charles my fathers father and what he did. Well I never forgot him but I remembered his actions instead of just happy times with him and my family. I'm shaken. My wife and I have long suspected that I had been a victim of sexual abuse. But I never could remember anything like that. I had a very emotionally and physically abusive childhood which led me to seek help initially. Now I have these detailed memories of Charles and I'm oscillating between being terrified that I'm just being over dramatic. That I'm just making this up for attention that this was all just a figment of my overactive imagination on one end. And accepting this and trying to move forward as best as we can. Mind you these abuses happened 17+ years ago as he has been dead that long. Thanks for reading this. I guess I'm just asking is it normal to feel like this? Do you all find that when things came back to you you doubted your sanity as well? I'm worried I'm just being a drama queen like usual.",4.379176457424194,6.3532061903323305,5.5899026518966135,76.8208548729999,71.68882175226584,8.891619111558688,30.38614747678192,9.444778638647367,3.034566879265973,1383,60,245,33,27,460,186,331,0.16399999999999998,0.722,0.115,-0.9632,0,0,0,0,4,0,29.0,2,5,0,4,17,14,1,1,11,0,29,2,0,4,4,59,56,24,1,3,11,4,1,3,0,1,2,0,0,1,24,19,0,2,12,2,0,5,3,5,2,2,20,4,38,9,35,29,3,40,0,2,1,0,26,8,0,2,31,178,62,4,0.0,0.4707933223891608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805642840280703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07599268115410178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08174604619938093,0.0,0.09286686641696457,0.0,0.0,0.07638417010706533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452863516568722,0.0,0.10424825599399228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361528567026215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793126658942734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08555897922887032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22348194460550008,0.0879832686281891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492094542170394,0.0,0.0,0.09364626527811866,0.0,0.05022786979846645,0.07096651090774926,0.0,0.0,0.0907923952432225,0.08449616607186497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05189958362899028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1094311180496904,0.0,0.08784355217420158,0.10574628968239023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10559079150789526,0.0,0.0,0.13316725377261665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08829546187955352,0.0,0.0,0.054593123673126,0.0,0.11205668112765567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1455934051327829,0.0,0.0,0.17582058063322625,0.0,0.0,0.1084382812936746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630834804853944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10010852672295707,0.0,0.10030224761660177,0.0,0.07929000014511098,0.10557971587910543,0.0,0.0,0.15322993519116845,0.19188096104481986,0.0,0.0,0.097329358378089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731345320403831,0.07555041198644127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505227842906913,0.11611986335174936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936407558731908,0.11306747391872493,0.0,0.0,0.09808349448449853,0.0,0.3375890269294665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915888201517753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821727530118793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031137686765764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324937961179607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914563414313797,0.0,0.11533813810413995,0.06599521738179068,0.06365126255521286,0.0,0.07886263559219132,0.05792431639704097,0.0,0.0,0.09492094542170394,0.0,0.06744343374356941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579544072288643,0.1094058844224725,0.08196358809638685,0.0,0.0,0.07968230472420165,0.0,0.17863213380517698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10088174197383803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06396989573676559 ptsd,HeavenGaze,2019/06/18,"My previously good dreams are returning as night terrors. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD for about 7 years, though I’ve shown symptoms most of my life. One the hardest things to deal with is the night terrors. I have them every night, sometimes screaming/crying in my sleep. Every now and then, I’ll have a good dream. They aren’t common, so I usually remember them well and hold onto them dearly. However, the past week I’ve been having the good dreams again(different one night to night), except I’m alone (when previously I was with someone in the dream, having a good time with them) and find a dead body somewhere in the dream. The entire dream becomes a gore-ridden night terror. I’m frustrated, as you can imagine, because these previously good dreams are now nightmares. Has anyone experienced something like this? Does anyone know why this would happen?",5.402692307692308,7.740622602564106,5.050256410256413,80.22807692307694,69.76923076923077,7.620512820512822,27.384615384615394,8.384062270229773,2.0387076923076917,690,24,117,11,13,211,95,156,0.115,0.6679999999999999,0.217,0.9195,3,1,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,1,5,0,7,12,1,3,11,0,14,5,2,0,0,15,18,9,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,4,7,0,0,1,4,1,2,3,1,12,8,16,14,1,21,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,1,18,70,16,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457549665510006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470497985446793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06743677333625273,0.1221780707472868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288089432988225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12151780972848245,0.0,0.11405087065748933,0.0,0.1122833785761328,0.0,0.11558095100793815,0.0,0.0,0.09680983161305977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864148791999808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10111044550918953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4639405116997854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782648284197873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06079732825134498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07813863616521914,0.0540464283627121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6228918017966855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499265048353344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10560533296041943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12931623936684308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253180468122234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070620555331616,0.0,0.0937333156305568,0.08516554011624965,0.10941225182281666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114983096801551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349520643301652,0.0,0.10868979040326417,0.0,0.06450709248313681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12183925410987392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08873775505404399,0.0,0.0994663406715601,0.0,0.0998230402572632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07858575841398012,0.0,0.0,0.07123971825827119 ptsd,VioletStoicOak,2019/06/18,"Coping with physical symptoms I've gotten a lot out of therapy with regards to emotional reactions and processing memories as they come up, but physical symptoms are still awful. My body physically re-lives the assaults and rapes. It's painful, it recounts the abuse in real time, so when it happens, I'm in pain for hours. What's the next step in therapy and recovery? Are there at least some good coping techniques for when these episodes happen?",7.777777777777778,8.723264061728397,7.481086419753088,70.28088888888888,62.7037037037037,11.418271604938273,39.65679012345679,11.20814326018867,4.923393086419753,363,19,58,10,5,115,63,81,0.29,0.659,0.051,-0.9823,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,5,5,2,0,4,1,2,6,1,0,0,11,7,8,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,0,0,1,0,2,1,13,6,3,14,0,0,0,1,1,6,0,2,6,38,7,0,0.0,0.22530604074902155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21122258146262554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380421063947934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139020658255481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594954415993206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3363120419000256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18726724713828105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616654637610306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20223510557559216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40468286874288095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21644134421314967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15186036082009613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3952937787999877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4349243086705285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088261255942912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,o_l-,2019/06/18,"Is there a good book that describes the impact PTSD can have on dating, intimacy, romance? A counselor first connected intimacy and trauma for me a few years ago, but I did not take her seriously until now. Is there a good book on this subject? I've read a fair bit on attachment theory, and I am aware that my attachment style is fearful-avoidant, but I'd like to take another look at my patterns from the perspective of PTSD.",6.241829268292682,6.70325806097561,7.066975609756099,73.60607317073173,65.95121951219512,10.950243902439025,34.692682926829264,10.793553405168565,3.8511043902439024,339,15,63,9,5,113,59,82,0.022000000000000002,0.736,0.242,0.9504,0,1,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,0,7,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,10,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,0,1,1,1,6,4,9,9,2,10,0,0,1,0,1,4,0,0,7,42,9,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2169101250376554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565873214182349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26714697804577203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20814010152683501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4104823580248854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195471445027904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20548479759040986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5720780307773758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24476434544112596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679650763707066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757757082122673 ptsd,sharplee123,2019/06/18,"Getting over my 'ptsd' *trigger warning* - beating &#x200B; Hi everyone - hope you're having a lovely day. In 2005, my life changed. I was in grade 5 at that time. I had a lot of friends - or so I thought I did. One girl (I'll name her X) decided to hack my social account and left very, very nasty comments on people who I didn't know existed. And because my 'comments' made people angry, a group of 6th graders decided to beat me. They kept telling me I was being a very bad person, therefore, I should be punished. I was beaten by them for about 5 hours - without knowing why I was being punished. When they finally let go of me, they were still following behind me to make sure I went home, instead of the police station. I started crying on my way back home. As I was walking, my mom found me (because I haven't been back from school for 4 hours - she was searching for me everywhere) and she also saw the group of people behind me. As soon as she saw me, she hugged me, and chased after them. I wasn't going to tell my mom what happened if she didn't find me. I wasn't going to tell my teachers, police officers, no one. I was going to keep this whole secret by myself. &#x200B; It's been 14 years since the incident, and I am still coping. I still hate the girl who hacked into my account. I despise her so much. This memory will never be erased from my head and it overwhelms me. But talking to a counselor, and disclosing my story with trusted friends have definitely helped me. I just hope one day - that I will be completely free from the incident, and I hope that happens to you as well. &#x200B; Good night/morning for those who read this post. I hope your day is filled with happiness (and even if isn't, that's still okay because I know tomorrow will be better)",2.9876476190476176,4.86335551714286,3.929142857142861,87.6721904761905,75.25714285714288,6.495238095238094,27.095238095238088,7.3011,1.4107238095238095,1381,54,273,16,30,444,184,350,0.11199999999999999,0.765,0.12300000000000001,0.6076,0,0,0,0,0,0,65.0,0,2,5,4,16,23,5,1,10,1,33,4,1,4,2,42,60,21,0,7,6,2,0,0,2,4,1,0,2,3,14,12,0,2,9,1,3,8,9,7,1,3,23,2,62,17,40,26,3,38,0,1,2,2,38,8,0,8,20,195,76,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332753932794237,0.0,0.25740425185591104,0.2886704761509386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12178314559707246,0.06611963740667005,0.14481892320828985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07003637311630949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08377162678849799,0.0,0.08302832327847806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08698556927173483,0.1532113631154988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052303690592298384,0.0,0.0,0.07566863199731151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674784950509938,0.07237745382003942,0.0,0.0,0.08682682202481284,0.12236269075459832,0.0,0.041373065522984136,0.0,0.18002008875154596,0.06642010682812159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14005341799485355,0.08429832892528565,0.0,0.07818289682641406,0.08127091998047012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053078821934640585,0.0,0.15886636002573634,0.3146107988821294,0.15597073415527454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038696024690995,0.0,0.0,0.1305608672496721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.086039249542095,0.08097627709241376,0.05593364268279292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06732378847792232,0.07147130491127889,0.07493069398481443,0.05285937644788063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18549076451093865,0.0,0.0,0.058213141175354075,0.0,0.061075558852900225,0.0,0.0,0.07431365835050034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16098186431885173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1646993694782658,0.06914491642549496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07584132140573024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925678855020394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921058556640452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08014365343372461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550608804239877,0.0,0.0,0.08072337186983818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605049209936073,0.0,0.2529622486382292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463484222929598,0.0,0.0,0.06364924384529619,0.2076444378649306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06286734423527073,0.04617583360206748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19601804082199745,0.0,0.06285666596684296,0.0,0.0,0.07120056135001256,0.07340914084089277,0.07145589607494468,0.08841186450564646,0.0,0.07633552037375198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886704761509386,0.05099522005292738 ptsd,7thxheavenxx,2019/06/18,Does ptsd make you angry alot A lot of the time my brain feels blank or numb. I work retail and I'm easily triggered when something frustrates me and I go into rage mode. I didn't use to do that. My manager pointed out when I'm frustrated I turn red and its very viable on my face. I tried therapy before where she gave me a test and I got the results for having moderate ptsd but I no longer go see that therapist.,0.6231034482758631,2.8984888390804637,2.722540229885059,91.03898275862068,85.89655172413794,6.238620689655173,20.19425287356321,7.554174236665415,0.7738928735632178,327,10,70,6,10,110,66,87,0.146,0.833,0.021,-0.802,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,3,4,3,0,5,0,3,3,2,4,0,15,14,8,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,2,4,0,0,3,3,14,0,6,11,2,10,0,0,2,0,3,5,0,3,3,42,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18897585510275328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24791752332632455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19434589722436205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11229158765606084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25242921163374404,0.0,0.1776196673386954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18880660450216485,0.0,0.0,0.1482417969763968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20993975118665295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5192051292038222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697100383171094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17096996276829704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25397069981785464,0.2578549059909229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12949809494637018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077944341316624,0.2415619934787979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918079801329444,0.0,0.18324132546850908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616787090552011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheOriginalGayBoi,2019/06/18,"[TW: sexual assault] Partner deciding to hang out with rapist Hi guys, I'm in a long distance relationship with my partner who suffers from ptsd. They have recently decided to become friends with and hang out alone with their serial rapist despite him saying that he would do it again if given the chance, and, I don't know what to do. Stockholm syndrome is definitely in play here, and they are resistant and won't listen to anything I have to say. I just don't know what to do and don't want them to have to go through their experience yet again... Any support and suggestions would be appreciated",6.606826801517067,7.290679796460174,6.787130214917827,75.15442477876108,65.19469026548673,10.350948166877373,34.72692793931732,10.290406445055957,3.5715193426042973,479,21,88,11,7,154,74,113,0.129,0.742,0.129,-0.2316,0,1,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,5,0,5,7,3,0,2,0,15,2,0,0,0,21,23,7,0,4,2,0,0,0,3,3,0,3,0,3,5,12,0,0,4,1,0,3,4,4,0,0,1,3,10,3,18,18,0,12,0,1,0,2,18,4,0,1,5,62,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443995891880681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604715223415891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19418783947432805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26061654690718244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2308294491793133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823141886387808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13411039025466204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336529766367689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593720731246673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2088310094228548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27584288699826043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2329974692058095,0.2533495183513908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753145893484924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26778235181109383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13918454221988985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3352606383234837,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,deoxer,2019/06/18,"Immediate Aftermath I'm nearly 29 and I've experienced plenty of trauma in my life, but it seems this most recent one is really testing whatever coping skills I had developed across all this time. I've told this story over and over to paramedics, cops, doctors, friends, but I need someone who can listen like they've been there. It's about a car accident. &#x200B; TRIGGER WARNING: I'm going to start with a play by play of the accident itself. Please don't read on if this might upset you. &#x200B; Last week I was crossing a crosswalk in my neighborhood on foot when I was hit by a car. I remember signalling to a bus going in one direction before stepping out, accounts seem to vary about whether I checked in the other direction, but the fact is that's where the car came from. It hit me the instant I stepped into the street, and I was thrown up in the air, completing a somersault before I landed on my back in the road. At this point the back wheel of the car drove over my right arm/shoulder and the right side of my chest. I remember that in the moment I was mostly concerned with making sure the driver knew it wasn't his fault, and contacting my girlfriend and other people I knew by text to let them know I wasn't going to make it to the show I was going to play that night. Somewhat miraculously neither my glasses nor my phone were damaged in the accident. I remember a lot of people asking me how fast the car was going, as I was supposed to know somehow. 12 hours later I was sent home from the trauma centre with a fractured knee and several nasty lacerations all over my body. In the end I was pretty lucky, the injuries were distributed so evenly across my body that none of them wound up being too severe. But mostly what I remember is lying still on my back in the trauma ward, wearing a leg brace and a neck collar, my knee in excruciating pain and my wounds weeping, not allowed to drink any water until they had decided whether I needed surgery (I didn't), with the bright hospital lights and the sounds of other patients in my ward loudly suffering and complaining; this went on for about 11 hours, save the time it took to shuttle me between hospitals and take x-rays and stuff. Now I'm at home on crutches, out of work for at least the next week or so, unable to do much of anything for myself. And for the most part I try not to talk about it. I only just moved into my new place about a week ago, and I'm friends with my roommates but not really on intimate terms with any of them. I have my partner around to help with things like cooking and cleaning, and some friends who occasionally deliver supplies. But all anyone can ask me is what happened, and I only ever want to say as little about that as possible, because it's horrible, and anyway what will it do to tell another person? I only just contacted what part of my family I am still in contact with today, four days after the accident. And now the needle is just swinging wildly back and forth. At times I'm industrious, trying to make the most of this involuntary vacation time; at other times I can't do anything but sleep or watch nonsense on the internet, and always out of nowhere I'm flashing back to the impact. I haven't left this basement since I got home on Thursday morning. Sometimes all of a sudden I start to feel this rising panic, like something is following me, other times I'm crying uncontrollably for really short bursts for no reason at all. My partner reports that I stare off into the distance a lot. I've tried calling the crisis line, and I've set up an appointment for therapy later in the week because going through my insurance takes months (thanks capitalism). In the meantime I have no idea what to do. I have maybe a few hours each day where it feels like I have any energy to do anything, whatever there is I can do when I'm in this condition; the rest of the time I feel too exhausted to even get up to use the bathroom. I don't seem to have any control over when or how I think about the accident. Every day around 6pm for some reason I start dissolving completely, losing the will or the interest to do even the smallest thing, like change the music. I can't sleep next to my partner because every part of us that would make contact while we're sleeping in injured, and she's always worried about touching some part of me that's still tender. I feel like I've gone on for such a long time. But I don't remember feeling this paralyzed by a single event before. I had just moved out to this city last fall, and I had spent a long time languishing in a part of town where I didn't have access to any of the things I wanted to do; this new place was going to be the one I could finally set up to get my projects underway, and literally within days of my chance to do that, this happens. It's like all the hope I was full of has been replaced by pain, physical and otherwise. I feel lonely and afraid and yet terribly allergic to other people. I don't feel like I have much of a means of escape, and I'm terrified of going out into the street again. I feel like I'm trapped in this room sometimes and want to run outside and can't because of my leg, and then outside doesn't feel any safer than in here anyway. I don't know what setting all this down will accomplish, but if you've read this far, thank you.",8.205320257135114,6.3933077220113885,8.170326840413589,74.79739902412581,62.861480075901326,11.26062812221663,35.931456453549146,9.957137785484203,3.3392290826007827,4225,152,818,70,49,1373,426,1054,0.136,0.774,0.08900000000000001,-0.9961,1,3,2,0,1,0,101.0,1,2,4,5,49,42,0,4,66,0,70,26,13,12,10,149,144,64,0,10,24,0,10,9,7,5,10,4,5,4,56,54,3,1,28,8,3,28,22,18,0,4,34,19,94,24,162,99,34,182,0,5,3,0,35,84,0,24,76,582,150,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04083067485156658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766535924652589,0.09981507138452056,0.11193934822700094,0.18794009465518646,0.04829942120057154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03220721995391445,0.0,0.11371388642404888,0.08200886923783669,0.0861224307170304,0.0,0.0,0.17709196648208114,0.0,0.11231447074896407,0.0,0.11758464250817326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023277206858946,0.0,0.0,0.047033865795426164,0.05268200029814571,0.0,0.0,0.04872688104957185,0.0,0.09658905735112888,0.0,0.051661805802344786,0.03677630050955802,0.0,0.05059631344672746,0.1188232364930302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047145821173700496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04512266159039093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040796751570508966,0.0,0.0,0.09126941212610404,0.041665196771135934,0.07761747582688144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043422612953860434,0.0,0.2096103682245607,0.1316251673969595,0.0,0.05045804058232168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067608301142034,0.0,0.048130387809811256,0.0,0.20942215848992765,0.0,0.036839530064277266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0814639335636991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0308740028314187,0.0,0.13861009731785534,0.0457493890286524,0.13608367836021207,0.0,0.0,0.05199774319784628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07594246515309651,0.07509241965092585,0.0,0.0,0.05004587398806157,0.04710092871517413,0.03253454729433425,0.2025295742742013,0.0461656494983976,0.0,0.08152582486323122,0.0,0.05153095349867669,0.0,0.078319554215,0.0,0.0,0.122985437779946,0.0,0.046274893368756564,0.05017439614854431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0488638938275404,0.0,0.0,0.03676579068249481,0.09791201228968116,0.06772089582872648,0.06830792728952048,0.0,0.08897282427568234,0.09797369794897293,0.043225527897955696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363724275771164,0.10509536995786037,0.09802520940786663,0.0540431587767275,0.0,0.24940017785199434,0.0,0.0957995790838436,0.04021906040280311,0.0962487727310936,0.05056161362513145,0.04354293582128943,0.051927336818646835,0.0,0.046861029497290506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09214778150377446,0.0,0.08852438665892794,0.0947176346401113,0.045480101160613504,0.0,0.2608930818951696,0.0786724120453002,0.0,0.03662989462676521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12579777651370347,0.0,0.10407260075226467,0.0,0.03810248747017291,0.0,0.13828407266035184,0.0,0.03902769666966016,0.03546033599691858,0.0911118559577192,0.0,0.09780754293542662,0.0,0.11035414261335208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05272931252829828,0.0,0.0,0.043412348773436936,0.0,0.06926491968697167,0.03702242934323406,0.040259716455050346,0.08481434479755676,0.052675254782143736,0.0,0.09180349390329527,0.029514301822406688,0.0,0.0,0.241729090599626,0.0,0.04366084590917679,0.04401366634344829,0.05117593896776111,0.09381805385496672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540622393490698,0.039782282877502684,0.0,0.0,0.08150466717596996,0.0,0.14779078982102406,0.0,0.0,0.04269940325662362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033533266626578316,0.04677761385177999,0.0,0.03272071537535763,0.0,0.11193934822700094,0.0 ptsd,shmargaret,2018/11/17,"Having a really hard PTSD day - would love some encouragement 😢 Currently I’m waiting to join my husband at a wedding that he is participating in. I don’t know anyone. I’m sitting in the hotel crying and shaking. I don’t have anyone to call. This is a big wedding and crowds are a trigger for my ptsd. I already can’t stop sweating and I’m afraid I’ll smell. My IBS is out of control. I came here because I don’t know where else to go. I had a panic attack last night after the rehearsal dinner. I feel one creeping in now. It’s 1pm and I have to get to the venue by 3pm. I don’t want to get off this bed. I’m nauseous and scared. I can’t even sit with my husband because assigned seating. I won’t see him until 6:30pm and I don’t know how I’ll manage. I plan to take my clonazepam to help me stay calm and not have a panic attack again. I hope someone can at least just say something nice or funny. I’m really having a hard time and I’m so embarrassed. I hope no one notices my anxiety and tremors or sweat stains. I’m scared. I think I’ll be able to make it. ",-0.4224025974025949,1.68868858874459,2.18594155844156,94.08462662337664,89.51948051948051,4.512121212121213,20.37121212121212,5.985473137389443,0.01574199134199139,828,28,187,7,28,285,130,231,0.161,0.7190000000000001,0.12,-0.8121,1,0,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,8,15,2,7,10,0,21,4,2,4,0,32,45,14,0,4,4,2,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,0,5,12,1,3,5,1,0,3,10,9,0,2,2,6,24,6,22,40,2,25,0,0,1,1,12,9,0,5,10,107,29,2,0.130272854364587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14375933423105872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996583770164264,0.0,0.0,0.1821796175329085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29640835727920084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588262457434676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13302314968453932,0.148997440308695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611208349553112,0.0,0.0,0.143098613377521,0.08401521386081164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10882625357405093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08604399167525867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06586986942804246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612437918343634,0.0,0.07403706527450171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333977786286785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731914824666791,0.0,0.0,0.25878067736147936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21478366148792416,0.10618976359339297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175763372558548,0.0,0.08695814187365439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225224889598915,0.0,0.0,0.14831650813674735,0.0,0.0,0.17655251521082924,0.0,0.0,0.3056942514846843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045639907753123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16691225266607435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103598202560227,0.2608517070042858,0.0,0.10381059844526316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11037976675172337,0.10029040784567766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1388535293978328,0.0,0.10891393948107272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979489738254051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347358488951744,0.0,0.0,0.07596314900653421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07683830475750482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09254209802981317,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tribulation323,2018/11/17,"Having severe Night Terrors. Not sure what has caused these episodes, maybe that I live very close to the Thousand Oaks shooting and the Fires, but I have been having night terrors where all of a sudden there are gunshots near the end of the dream and I have to hide for safety. I usually wake myself up at this point. I also grew up in a very unsafe area where u would hear gunshots occasionally but I believe this is related to the recent mass shootings near me....",5.5675655430711615,6.648872292134832,5.309606741573036,83.41512172284645,67.65168539325842,7.281647940074906,28.316479400749067,7.1686216300943375,1.4709760299625467,370,12,69,3,6,114,64,89,0.13699999999999998,0.7959999999999999,0.068,-0.6521,0,0,0,4,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,7,0,9,1,1,1,2,10,10,5,0,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,2,0,1,1,2,8,1,12,8,1,19,0,0,0,0,1,12,0,0,6,52,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18441504061785524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2598132966971775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2368952504230599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2042479210905894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25990902532921284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20362877713490596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316741016235601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4328150586176968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179966241750549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22769499422007836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2605184423740601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173428433709844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25397924851825593,0.38054718209113575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638154469348674,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Gasky_Cuspo,2018/11/17,I’m scared to take my medication I just got prescribed Prazosin HCL 1mg (Minipress). It’s supposed to help me sleep and not have nightmares. Can anyone else tell me how that went for them if they have taken them? I’ve taken otc sleeping pills and they made feel like my heart was racing one time after taking them multiple times without being affected. I can’t tell if talk just me. Should I go to my doctor about this?,3.452065404475043,5.364970385542172,3.9619965576592087,87.77590361445783,74.06024096385542,6.1886402753872645,23.9053356282272,6.868970318607317,0.8087191049913947,334,10,65,3,7,105,64,83,0.036000000000000004,0.878,0.087,0.4774,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,5,0,4,2,0,1,0,0,7,6,3,3,0,13,17,5,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,6,1,14,1,7,9,0,5,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,2,4,40,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14395003967088926,0.21093953415765054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071805756541212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719791020682003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10409474392018858,0.1470745386872245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700143657899124,0.0,0.16465413102396936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24395854946169146,0.13799123111964556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005783461424573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1948004559020923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2073937335693244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13950375960144545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20611314306169976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4120400699758919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095792791494472,0.16547159861351235,0.3598812806032879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24009048786242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1908448106203968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984526417617853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sheepieweepie,2019/03/04,"I am terrified of annihilation but still wish I never existed. If I don't get enough sleep, which is basically every night now that university has started, all I can think of is how awful the world is, how doomed everything feels and that I wish I could disappear. Yet I'm so fucking fearful of death. I cannot stop that feeling of trying to conceptualise non-perception. Non-existence. Would suicide be a perceived as basically infinite pain. What was not existing like, I can't remember. I'm sure my personality is just a product of my biology and experiences, but why do I feel so hesitant and attached to let it go. Is this the terror management problems that ptsd sufferers experience? Nothing is good.",5.058167832167836,7.386082830769232,6.991398601398604,65.98723776223778,70.69230769230771,11.18881118881119,35.664335664335674,11.022393298168332,4.955153846153847,568,31,94,21,11,198,91,130,0.37799999999999995,0.565,0.057,-0.9953,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,0,0,8,10,1,2,4,1,18,3,1,2,3,25,30,11,2,6,5,0,3,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,8,3,0,1,6,0,0,2,5,7,0,1,1,3,11,3,8,25,2,11,1,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,9,68,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13629615988564114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17638662508738845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382854921025962,0.0,0.15342101948662182,0.3339696561800403,0.0,0.19209355448233265,0.2589447358342261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15781646237900304,0.08918769617105769,0.0,0.09701708573746064,0.14318146921322036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456012763592446,0.0,0.08339913009911612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166025571452805,0.0,0.0,0.16019755603176672,0.0,0.16379858453370302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18164496468052452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14905532669568106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16334415685298878,0.19954809591681585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933784785873181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083092295679678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082774617749635,0.0,0.13632734176876782,0.14271923077262935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1867264511241067,0.0,0.16088993040226518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938256280166984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11589928197601908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403709317170194,0.0,0.39261072250598106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126580957247834,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JurassicCher,2019/03/04,"Isolated I was diagnosed approximately 5 years ago with PTSD, Anxiety Disorder, Chronic Depression and Mild Agoraphobia. Since then, I have added horrible memories on top of it all. I’ve been free from that life for 2 years now, but my question is, is Reddit a good resource for communication in these areas? I’m still waiting for a therapy and psychiatry appointment... it’s been 4 weeks and I still can’t get a call back. (My husband is military, so I have to go through military channels.) Is there a free resource I can share my thoughts and concerns on AND get responses? A place I can communicate with someone at least until I have a constant therapist? ",5.0559504132231385,7.265716454545458,6.390157024793389,70.79978099173556,70.40495867768595,10.790413223140497,36.89338842975207,10.793553405168565,4.810103471074379,525,30,90,18,10,177,84,121,0.08199999999999999,0.787,0.131,0.8290000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,6,5,0,0,6,0,13,3,0,0,1,12,19,9,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,4,7,0,1,2,1,2,1,1,1,0,0,4,0,10,6,14,15,2,19,0,1,0,0,4,7,0,1,11,62,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431515293290854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1590639423237558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598833867135162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21231719041198407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2246957230986295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908762173745033,0.21104200109318855,0.0,0.0,0.2383028899613181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21726703813089668,0.0,0.11816997058563755,0.17439969338103395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14686531834112185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21723994680503828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430560807476932,0.0,0.23292634829202086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719997484910466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17617626714322074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321022857855865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.237783178363956,0.24141981396765136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650711822352725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16678687118792654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677969417948437 ptsd,cheapsexsadfilm,2019/03/04,"Thought I was coming out of a depression, then the littlest trigger drags me back I was definitely on the way up. I decided to log into last.fm for the first time in years to get back into music exploration like I use to, but I had to use password recovery. My email was my old spam account from high school, and I hadn't logged in in years. I get to my inbox, and I see my ex-boyfriend's name from when he stole all my emails and accounts to try to ruin my life when I finally got the balls to leave him. Oh well, maybe I won't feel like dying next week.",3.2732692307692304,3.886353196581197,4.435117521367523,89.31370192307695,72.58974358974359,7.901282051282053,26.59081196581197,8.07648339933343,1.3476504273504275,432,14,99,6,8,142,77,117,0.11599999999999999,0.79,0.094,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,5,0,0,5,0,6,1,0,3,1,17,15,7,1,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,0,0,4,1,2,2,2,2,1,1,7,2,18,3,20,7,1,25,0,2,1,0,5,9,0,0,15,61,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29729410080752416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16652347294413292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665016439937983,0.0,0.2006301094070612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774570677590746,0.13810404052432834,0.0,0.2117667743690216,0.0,0.1644333615119999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20199787502618152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15461140307766655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20424756500747124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15757725929822275,0.0,0.20469232554107156,0.0,0.0,0.13654387004657906,0.18888756837874632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19421057159332744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20559234710877655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20285122956121449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19564476895546515,0.1540467652960356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15347025635566433,0.1127233400193476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13124797299009788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33392361751582983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344418882230534,0.1550653695657649,0.0,0.17381310656547694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489766217942283 ptsd,boonsun,2019/03/04,"Abusers get out of prison very soon I’m a victim of long term (up until I was 12-13) sexual, physical, emotional and verbal abuse as a child, my abusers were my grandfather and my siblings. God it feels so upsetting to call them those titles and it’s been a long time since I have. I’m going to apologize in advanced I’m on Mobil, it’s 4 am, I should be sleeping so I’m understandably sleepy and the formatting won’t be the best but I’m just really in need of some advice. Well for starters I’m 17 my birthday is in a couple days and instead of being able to feel excitement I’m only feeling panic and impending doom. My abusers get out of prison in August and September and I’m so insanely panicky and having insane episodes relaying my trauma the more these dates creep sooner and no body around me seems to understand in the slightest way. I recently stopped therapy cold turkey going from a session every week for three years because my family had to move due to the upcoming releases of said abusers. I’ve been having worse night terrors and night sweats, I’m hyper aware of everything, I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin anymore everything just getting worse and I don’t know how to deal with it all. My grandmother is choosing to stay with this monster after everything he has done to me and my sister. I don’t understand why she would give up everything to still be with this monster and I feel like it’s somehow my fault for not giving her enough attention and love so she’s seeking it from this man. My mother, sister, and I have repeatedly told her that we probably wouldn’t stay in contact with her if she chooses to take this route, leaving the home she built from the ground up, raised her children in, she has so many memories and it’s her dream home I don’t understand I’m so hurt that she would give up everything she loves for someone who sexually violated her grandchildren. Everything has been so hard lately and I guess I’m just trying to say that I wish I had some friends who knew what I was going through and who could give me advice on how to deal with everything. It feels like nobody around me seems to understand, my boyfriend always gets angry and upset and slanders my grandmother and abusers whenever I try to talk about it or just tells me that maybe I shouldn’t focus on it. He also has trauma from his childhood but hes dealt with it by suppressing it and I wish I could do the same but it’s my every thought, I could be making dinner and a sound could trigger a memory which snowballs into a panic attack and bombarding visuals from my childhood. I feel so damaged and gross I just wish I didn’t exist sometimes so I don’t have to deal with it all.",3.835087865011364,5.6255604078947385,4.761432068543453,82.96153610771117,72.74060150375941,8.332295855918868,27.973596782654308,8.973190933345348,2.315324479804162,2155,83,413,45,43,700,251,532,0.19699999999999998,0.7090000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.9967,0,0,0,0,6,0,31.0,1,0,1,2,25,24,3,5,16,0,44,7,4,4,2,96,94,45,0,14,11,3,9,2,1,6,0,3,2,3,29,39,1,2,20,1,0,5,11,15,1,1,14,13,61,9,65,65,10,52,1,3,0,2,46,21,0,8,25,279,90,1,0.060305154425863525,0.4287104809369272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11785899791864987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04822601020671087,0.05017871942751589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05980650871207099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736874574843447,0.0,0.06860581909418043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03676146240579968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0632865390375799,0.0,0.0,0.06698543174322674,0.0,0.0,0.061578305189278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19259503493590255,0.06672650634984903,0.0,0.03889183568373146,0.18651589866786136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06171311048006797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783518187721681,0.0,0.062311345105824936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10161938708754624,0.0,0.3793886900941299,0.0,0.05685033257140301,0.0,0.2134446863140637,0.08616402874275303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046591612716018665,0.0,0.12602781673621555,0.2314007967620013,0.10281842697914204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06643292646331518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402157322608762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209819737417721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06455791507375734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03314213575641806,0.0,0.06802684090001186,0.06385445116008355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05892410464293394,0.0,0.0,0.10673632794869847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10885551267953468,0.0,0.04025415885646241,0.06113996131956333,0.06058463318445094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06409483541810679,0.0,0.04471550788294065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318460449095424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04586478739520306,0.0,0.1415102104947349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06501915614576513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038633026126940334,0.0,0.05954406472750193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0573640116004048,0.04795707927111086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10979909537220768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049885046917345126,0.0,0.06034870608717512,0.0,0.051096361647411256,0.0,0.05964333972598492,0.0,0.0,0.12855454152371346,0.048159774223838284,0.050417809386087205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045341971059180336,0.04847099880885927,0.052709363025481334,0.0,0.068964199732297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04787555646301917,0.03516442050692647,0.0,0.0,0.057624159374530415,0.0,0.08188648264172042,0.0,0.0,0.3138989626641105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049758068068026365,0.0,0.04786742460936351,0.04837315732958772,0.0,0.05422157618674707,0.0,0.05441602200260196,0.0,0.20804385431886094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12291220874686395,0.08567810292945181,0.0,0.0,0.03883454226810315 ptsd,graysonsirsmith,2019/03/04,"Every-time I stop my obsessive thoughts I choke up, get really fucking tight, and cant breath violently raped at 5, repressed that shit untill 19, 21m now and still numb, I cant breath unless if im engulfed in obsessive thoughts, I can lie awake all night choking and gasping for air and I still wont get a breakthrough",8.003072916666667,6.239823578125005,7.848749999999999,76.78791666666667,63.21875,11.033333333333333,38.52083333333333,9.725611199111238,3.5247458333333324,255,11,51,4,3,82,47,64,0.299,0.604,0.09699999999999999,-0.9014,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,3,8,4,3,1,0,4,6,3,0,1,12,9,7,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,8,0,0,2,1,6,0,6,6,1,10,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,1,6,27,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758844216764948,0.3118241989193753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3223447394364466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28004689392715704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.191175452147664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3063237753605285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4766370919181664,0.24949242842145744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.473824189881735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Schizii,2019/03/04,"I had a PTSD freak out at work and I feel really ashamed Hi. I'm not very open about this stuff, so forgive my awkwardness. I was diagnosed at age 16. I don't remember what happened to me in my childhood. I remember bits and pieces here and there of random things, but most of my childhood is extremely disassociated up until age 14. I have problems validating myself of the abuse that I suffered through because... Well... I can't remember it. There's other shitty shit that happened from 14+ on wards, but I don't feel it pertains to this. I work with kids who have Autism as my job. I really like it, honestly. I accompany them at schools and help work with them throughout the day, managing behaviors, emotional regulation, etc. I was working with a kid in 2nd grade. He was having a pretty not great day, and I was getting a little frustrated but nothing too major. It all fell apart when he tried to cut my hair. I moved away in time, no biggie, it happens, but then he held the blades up an inch from my eyes, pretended to stab and snip, and then pretend to throw them at me. I nearly lost it when he wound his arm back. I started freaking out inside, I felt my adrenaline rush, and all of the sudden the only thing my brain screamed at me was ""WE'RE GOING TO FUCKING *DIE. HE'S GOING TO* ***KILL US*****.""** Barely holding it together, he ran off from me and hid in his break room. He barricaded the door and kept himself in there. The teacher noticed what was happening and came over to support me. I managed to take a break of mine for a few minutes and I completely broke down. One half of my brain was scolding me, saying things like ""He wasn't actually going to hurt you, you know his behaviors, you know how this works. This isn't logical."" While the other side of me was completely whirling in pain, confusion, and complete and utter terror. Going through that cycle of emotions was fucking agony, and what only made it hurt worse was in the midst of it my only thought was my brain going, ""I remember feeling like this before."" It didn't get better. Come nightfall I completely broke down, freaking out and having a depression episode, self-harm tendencies were nagging, ED thoughts were high, and I was just a complete wreck of a human being. Didn't eat, hardly slept, I picked fights with my boyfriend, I was incredibly insecure, etc. I couldn't even go to work the next day because my absolute *terror* of this kid throwing pencils and scissors at me was too strong. I had to be reassigned to a new child. I feel so humiliated, frustrated, confused, and just so angry. It feels so hard to move past from, and I feel like I can't even tell my work what's going on due to an instilled fear from my Mom that if I told anyone about anything regarding my mental health, I would be fired instantly. I need this job so that I can receive mental health assistance to lead a functional life, but it feels so impossible to navigate through life - especially when you're suffering from this disorder, but you can't even remember the fucking things that caused it in the first place. I only get more information when triggers come up, and I'm forced to relive the horrible emotions all over again.",3.793772504091653,5.835673004909985,4.655020458265142,82.61644230769231,73.45171849427169,7.973322422258594,28.77127659574468,8.730908602173464,2.3385852700491,2510,104,475,50,52,811,294,611,0.243,0.695,0.062,-0.9992,2,0,0,0,2,0,102.0,1,4,3,12,27,43,10,8,26,0,38,19,8,6,3,83,83,44,2,5,11,1,12,4,0,1,7,2,2,5,39,32,1,3,20,2,0,19,13,32,1,3,32,15,73,11,76,46,11,83,0,8,1,3,36,37,4,5,29,323,112,15,0.0,0.07037679086693471,0.05796377571201971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04153238813706285,0.0,0.04887940524200663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05580627611103448,0.0456733136136178,0.0,0.07241680901408915,0.0,0.0505432324242325,0.0,0.0,0.052532609796185965,0.06484711567636398,0.0,0.0,0.19892307930093775,0.0,0.06793536627347181,0.0,0.06101799842745927,0.0,0.10233205143522564,0.3113878057032165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11492018213910005,0.0,0.051159318551262864,0.060287611488028435,0.0616456356341615,0.0,0.0680751318317841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060778873651428915,0.0,0.20044390602086345,0.0,0.0,0.13248870453634434,0.11769524519306394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06683914367551143,0.210233517280302,0.08486773383046946,0.057031292500262336,0.0,0.0,0.05052381778501059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16473718597801185,0.093098843235994,0.0,0.2363003415206917,0.0,0.0,0.06548638716959325,0.0,0.0,0.21010144388623253,0.0,0.10641769110733283,0.0,0.0,0.12627436623296234,0.0,0.0,0.039813155894053265,0.0627571355507228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1271733467683404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788648791398446,0.0,0.06571496852015851,0.0,0.0652870576501575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08390897742962067,0.1160752416525288,0.059532293576118285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06483981723314672,0.0,0.0,0.056203722918727515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197182120328341,0.0,0.0,0.06956609486806922,0.0,0.126261121062753,0.0,0.04404278533021639,0.0,0.05736685558014465,0.06317033348830761,0.0,0.0,0.05699388069004945,0.06762489532569704,0.0,0.0,0.0402495497993144,0.18069909801772333,0.06320354644346704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056702010264722914,0.0,0.0,0.0620581564087757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060429011518806176,0.0,0.056835762125773626,0.06943295879500988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610362296766457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33643117149040874,0.0,0.0,0.04723558889079541,0.0,0.06011383922583776,0.0,0.0,0.0619649570183453,0.0,0.06097108400733056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04204213466979539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06799637712473866,0.0,0.06740402553663735,0.0,0.0,0.0446598236798789,0.0,0.051916376902192786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15784528423899702,0.0,0.0,0.09431058510552423,0.034635389308389775,0.0,0.0,0.056757232587195124,0.0,0.04032727064039116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07144835229387432,0.0,0.0,0.04900948270795443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05340583956936209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026966167592425,0.0,0.060531527881472764,0.04219455926454605,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RoundKick8,2019/03/04,"PTSD Recently have been diagnosed with PTSD, I am a 21 year old who just served out a jail sentence and I served 30 days in the hole with no mat while I was there for reasons that were beyond my control and also had an abscess that had to be extracted so that I didn’t die all while being shackled and hand cuffed to the hospital bed it was the worst pain I have ever been through. I can’t stop reliving events that happened even in the middle of the day when I am in class or at work, I have unwanted nightmares about it and I moved across the country to go to college just so I could avoid my hometown and everything that led up to me spending time in jail. When I think back to it it still feels real and like it is happening. I am not able to relate to anyone much anymore, I am not social nor do I try to be, and I always have this feeling of nauseousness. I am feeling very alone right now because no one around me understands what I have been through and why it is affecting me so much. today it is affecting me really bad. just needed to share and get this off my chest. ",7.66135135135135,5.326407027027031,7.685117117117118,79.50470270270273,64.31531531531532,11.22234234234234,35.263063063063065,9.642632912329526,2.9834165765765763,848,29,182,13,10,275,131,222,0.127,0.818,0.055,-0.953,0,2,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,2,18,6,0,1,9,0,28,4,2,5,2,37,38,19,1,3,6,0,4,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,16,13,0,3,6,0,1,3,7,4,0,1,9,4,24,2,29,25,4,33,0,0,0,0,3,13,0,1,18,143,40,3,0.14776752681625366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15304259342724666,0.0,0.11816963780802105,0.1229544197208902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654568028279966,0.10332249051605497,0.0,0.0,0.13154442740142375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11362410697661267,0.12337971263785324,0.0900777128185908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16573384625226822,0.11798034620968792,0.0,0.0,0.19059566058799046,0.0,0.0,0.14998092923649395,0.1533593633514875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.097599057833399,0.1336641878558672,0.0,0.0,0.13280392499731627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22414710442709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07720243388173682,0.0,0.08397969079366875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2613406719077232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07219174957633648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705349570196112,0.2172522691189903,0.10956774877871844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15505716222013588,0.0,0.1001311004243457,0.0,0.15723506691777694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34546466256281044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16819179594553502,0.0946636614822654,0.15192962821394673,0.14590260592378698,0.0,0.0,0.12619266051303116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506303847857231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11800733779455605,0.12354026901024268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0946834645926329,0.0,0.0,0.08616443320153012,0.0,0.14006633741840774,0.0,0.0,0.10032445099302842,0.0,0.0,0.15383120671744793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12192368509073385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13333720918314676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1075765194249831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515744252099552 ptsd,im-opinionated,2019/03/04,"I had a dream.... I had a vivid dream last night I was wondering around my highschool (it’s been nearly 10 years since I graduated) and I felt myself feeling so comfortable and happy there. Then I found a room that was elementary students, their eyes all filled up with joy, curiosity and innocence and I felt this overwhelming sense of longing to be that. I never had a childhood. My trauma started from birth and lasted all the way until I was 20. I wish so badly I could have had innocence, had childhood wonder. An I wished more than anything I could go back to that dream and be one of those kids. I’ve got a kid of my own now and I often feel jealous that they get to have so much that I didn’t, but also so proud that I get to give someone else the childhood I wish I could have had. One with two loving parents, with laughter and joy. I feel like I’ve finally come to this beautiful place where I can experience the dark feelings of my PTSD without being overwhelmed by them, that I can cry for an hour or two then wipe my tears and know in my heart that it’s okay to be sad, to feel betrayed, to feel it was unjust and unfair. But it doesn’t get to take my life away from me, that I get to decide who I wanna be despite having so much taken away. Even more I realized today playing with my child that I can experience childhood in a way, with my kiddo every time we play together, every time we stop to stare at an ant for 30 minutes. It’s my job to teach, and my protect my child but I’m learning that she is teaching me so much too.",5.279498773221171,4.870014343848581,6.056251314405893,83.00956449351563,68.02208201892745,8.81100595864003,29.598492814581146,8.167268648758528,1.838158219418157,1205,38,256,14,18,397,166,317,0.10300000000000001,0.7190000000000001,0.17800000000000002,0.9764,2,0,0,0,0,0,30.0,2,0,3,1,15,16,1,2,12,1,29,4,2,0,3,52,57,25,0,7,5,1,8,1,0,0,1,0,1,4,20,20,0,2,15,5,0,3,4,6,0,4,17,11,46,10,38,32,8,39,0,3,3,1,14,11,0,4,24,189,66,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08168865765225873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08406006664143614,0.09093442186490244,0.0,0.0,0.1919450232946968,0.0785464096194946,0.08529029363093757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0879924686134213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2446734107844743,0.0,0.11220607123432444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853325274961246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06746856612599658,0.0,0.17213016973715534,0.0,0.0,0.1998429863924023,0.0,0.0,0.3098981500990399,0.07297539041418231,0.19615845260323714,0.11189942725541824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11200129698216388,0.0,0.0,0.2134749097405888,0.09799079576626794,0.058053729690968885,0.0,0.08169802606238483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10873969532551718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104726318200568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10059636014121806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10136729345530364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613851467426555,0.16653042118139827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721509826032727,0.04990492672948394,0.0,0.0,0.0903988046646158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09219361782910064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22527418927698056,0.0,0.0787837403916552,0.0,0.0,0.09586008015319147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13843784807391712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342456933992424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10672414563021793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940691820048452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449885242695881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08655066376008339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07230171121341883,0.0,0.0,0.08540128351616777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680346632980617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11912800980291985,0.0,0.0968254730928982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19956980055357712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16216251955528654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3523995271278924,0.09846815866674632,0.22155284392011207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06578071905230518 ptsd,WayLessSmart,2019/03/04,"The nightmares are getting worse. I'm having more and more nightmares and flashbacks. I haven't been able to sleep for more than a couple of hours in a week. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm absolutely exhausted and I just want to sleep but its so scary. Sometimes the voices and the sounds are slipping into my waking life now and its distracting. I can't ask anyone for help, because that wouldn't be fair to them. I have no idea what to do anymore. It has been years.",1.3320738636363636,3.7771548020833294,2.3178030303030326,93.9893181818182,84.3125,4.74090909090909,21.227272727272727,6.1124844417494595,0.15326249999999986,375,12,78,3,11,118,62,96,0.18100000000000002,0.77,0.048,-0.9179999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,1,5,0,14,5,3,0,0,12,20,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,6,6,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,2,0,0,2,2,7,0,11,16,3,6,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,56,13,0,0.2288816322441153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4539781537138382,0.16003935902810654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21397342939903272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13952411861350822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253253172679892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11958120610655495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15341453347548745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2254023030666077,0.0,0.0,0.2583795032355779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12578735930956705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616658656880455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4580938556432603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263697867776124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13500031681618885,0.0,0.1835950394589988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23324993716164266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473922669861277 ptsd,safetyindarkness,2019/03/04,"Telling the difference between real and fake by hurting yourself? Do you ever have to do something ""drastic"" to keep yourself in the real world? Like sometimes I'm stuck between the real world with my boyfriend and the past with my rapist ex and can't tell which is real til I bash my head against something so I can feel the pain and tell which one is real. Does anyone else feel/do the same?",4.132510822510824,5.794906168831169,3.9734415584415568,89.4325432900433,71.72727272727272,5.652813852813853,29.71645021645022,5.46131890053228,1.1637203463203465,313,13,60,1,6,95,49,77,0.19399999999999998,0.7759999999999999,0.028999999999999998,-0.9329999999999999,0,0,2,0,0,0,7.0,0,1,0,0,2,5,1,0,6,0,7,3,1,0,1,15,11,6,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,1,1,6,1,10,10,1,6,0,1,0,1,5,3,0,0,4,39,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09490775553023274,0.13907462467718965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14181222417704092,0.0,0.0,0.11878097059704858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1133876073442896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1227783805908216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13726149059141016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393013431701893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14530511543448096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1206458362525916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631234773639225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09197627692269296,0.0,0.1444296127327027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1295726243941831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7724700484890672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2089879787594908,0.13424352930048555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35591019645593563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Whynot10182001AMM,2019/03/04,"How is PTSD defined Like, I go into immense anxiety and fear when I hear yelling due to my parents always fighting when I was young, but I’ve never had flashbacks or anything else of that sort. Is it possible that I have PTSD?",4.8053333333333335,5.615451311111113,5.468888888888892,82.57000000000005,69.22222222222223,7.777777777777778,35.0,7.793537801064563,2.616333333333334,179,9,34,2,3,58,37,45,0.121,0.838,0.040999999999999995,-0.3506,1,0,0,0,3,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,1,7,7,6,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,2,2,5,1,3,5,0,7,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,23,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21992024169108015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20219012720206556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2174978330584488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22079021063562784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29741296648210314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502087841853148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978872986156429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12912449223842268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20384581526108148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934758326120667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29796052856118066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6179092403429275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,suhayma,2019/03/04,"Partner Understands for First Time in 14 Years Hey, all. I suffer from PTSD stemming from a span of 8 years of physical and emotional abuse by my stepfather when I was a child. This abuse has shaped my whole life as a person. It has been very hard. I have pretty much been on medication and in therapy constantly since graduating from college. I function. I'm a mom. I'm a good mom! I am doing okay. :) Anyway, we were watching the R. Kelly documentary, and there's a part where one of his victims says, ""I either had to find a way to kill me or kill him."" During a commercial break, I turned to my husband and I said to him, ""I used to keep broken scissors under my mattress in my bedroom, because I just got so mad some days that I swore that I was going to kill him if he came up into my room to hurt me or yell at me."" I could see my husband was shocked at this announcement. It took him a few minutes to sputter, ""I...I never knew just how intense it was for you."" I added on to that that the reason I do not like open doors is because I would always keep my door closed, because it would mean it would be one more barrier between me and my stepdad, and it would give me one more second to grab the scissors if I needed to. He was pretty visibly upset by that. But, I can't tell you how validating it was. I don't talk much about my specific abuse and what happened to me, so maybe that is why he never really understood. But now he does, and I am grateful. ",2.769939130434782,3.999878620000004,4.443623188405798,86.43586956521744,74.46666666666667,7.484057971014493,26.04347826086957,8.04050195162591,1.461569565217391,1126,39,241,17,23,380,168,300,0.16899999999999998,0.759,0.07200000000000001,-0.9871,0,0,0,0,3,1,43.0,1,2,0,1,12,12,5,1,12,1,27,2,0,4,3,45,46,20,3,8,10,4,2,1,1,4,2,3,5,3,16,13,0,3,6,0,0,3,5,9,0,5,16,7,44,3,35,24,10,31,0,2,2,0,25,16,0,5,11,177,60,2,0.0,0.36639131545733455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576905784450325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18850596616476792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11789364035309045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11139057476080574,0.0,0.08229930377081024,0.0,0.0,0.06647670850300164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020415192699167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11594874689306985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09421131961649198,0.08767799645377124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09888169999741443,0.05858153756323972,0.08645683956919137,0.0824408011008579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911514334208456,0.0,0.09233753853707607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11034700796380477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18324072093342772,0.3421212229875992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07280695865877854,0.05035864802065911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10355559024560836,0.112282035249109,0.0,0.10384012494811934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414471465754855,0.0,0.0,0.15154821176184524,0.07643094574580181,0.15900003916007655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20954472796890425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162330475410866,0.0,0.0,0.09000363341621602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2097345327384459,0.0,0.0,0.12049253167898633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06603433268910322,0.10598123353480317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980506733786818,0.08197167151702582,0.0,0.0,0.08213972892815352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08526709177602752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285009956507985,0.09009461496541094,0.0,0.11787854499921185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010554376310279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11452332313223294,0.0,0.11211913948660916,0.0,0.10730771368112804,0.0,0.08902619724844214,0.0,0.08505005044064665,0.0,0.08181842735381945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09301175861115396,0.11508277764981628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2928942886547173,0.0,0.0,0.13275755699462008 ptsd,NationalKoala4,2019/03/04,"How can I date and love myself? I'm currently away from my family. Some people at my work sometimes make assault jokes or seem to think i'm promiscuous. I just want someone to love me. The other day, my apartment had maintenance people check every apartment. When I noticed some things were moved I almost freaked out because I thought someone broke in. I thought I was done with ptsd. When I finally told my ex what happened to me he hugged me but also said I should have known to not be around the people who hurt me. I've tried to get a therapist but they hang up on me or say they don't specialize in ptsd. Sometimes I have flashbacks and I don't think the person i'm seeing understands.",2.747989893318361,4.996885124087591,3.5929927007299263,88.07276810780462,77.32116788321167,6.55115103874228,25.86692869174621,7.61054688173877,1.4272497473329584,550,21,108,8,13,175,89,137,0.08800000000000001,0.8370000000000001,0.07400000000000001,-0.4221,1,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,2,1,6,9,1,0,4,0,11,3,0,2,0,25,29,10,0,2,6,1,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,1,4,5,0,0,7,1,1,2,3,4,0,0,8,3,23,5,15,19,2,18,0,2,1,3,11,10,0,6,6,71,27,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14778797595253906,0.0,0.0,0.11802600079422115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13138453312498827,0.0,0.0,0.13866370266643907,0.0,0.0,0.08996822197204858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951819943143058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510336765433022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434918221198835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13913274949480367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1616753447748165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07710859313493795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051150414903592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799591347302155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664077076021993,0.0,0.09851607804168733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15686259476033249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16802981728496666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3069566277032404,0.1288680729988658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3450447449475552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14038990266225568,0.11736783225233542,0.0,0.0,0.11760845847933506,0.13435849308348569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501015196791035,0.0,0.2919364397633509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17136094246131114,0.09805085147353207,0.18913675076782135,0.0,0.2343366345633037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410265757202996,0.0,0.100202505078502,0.0,0.0,0.15364422251768226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705117502487382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10744575850964294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Renaissance_Rob,2019/03/04,"Tech support workplace accommodation Hello. Sorry for the long post but I am hoping someone may have some experience with this. I am employed as a senior phone support advisor for a major tech company and work from home. I am currently on my 2nd medical leave due to PTSD from child hood trauma. I have completed 2 DBT programs and scheduled to start EMDR within the next month. My Dr. is has to send my latest medical and asked me to make a list of accommodations to give me the best chance of success in minimizing suffering. He said he will pretty much put anything I give him and they either say ok or they don’t. Problem is anytime I even think about going back to the same job sends me to a near panic attack. I guess my question is since my main function is to talk to (angered) people on the phone would asking for another position that is not dealing with the public be considered reasonable? This would be in addition to other things like flexible schedule, time off, etc. I am also very worried what may happen if they can’t make the accommodations the Dr sends them. I know they have long term disability but It will only cover 2 years for any mental issue. Any advice or insight is greatly appreciated.",5.297084510660159,6.96003186026201,6.358725918314924,73.46628307218087,68.82532751091703,8.881685075777037,30.50115592088364,9.325443323948027,2.919989776521963,972,39,165,20,17,324,152,229,0.099,0.746,0.155,0.9464,3,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,5,3,4,14,2,1,12,1,24,4,0,3,0,30,40,11,0,5,7,0,0,1,0,6,4,2,1,1,7,7,0,0,5,0,0,5,3,6,0,0,1,2,23,8,29,31,9,28,0,1,0,0,25,7,0,9,16,115,30,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841856284470742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09690995038587907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648171044631418,0.1270708748571581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972323112877124,0.0,0.2265793739140821,0.1378630845906975,0.0,0.09318219784706773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12717401526557176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12705800312044868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12493428621197197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1351510072495202,0.08004018653005666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854016489471665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23249942963701664,0.06887105536751917,0.0,0.0,0.13360461509644694,0.1334966666318324,0.0,0.10716167036720266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155636577281445,0.12036199903742408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12648350119361412,0.12025536545504364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659897258906163,0.0,0.0,0.12831523211887286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05920386149510307,0.0,0.0,0.2144861704615967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617811019772986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24415811848406305,0.12212389727088505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09672706361095038,0.0,0.08908340167609413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887942755740134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09216508377691823,0.0,0.14218206543894993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401298968352483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11605975492854564,0.1232866122805077,0.0,0.1159557039367876,0.14165636761714756,0.12182232194435873,0.13575262268638966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245962415174572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11527272304513884,0.09636953488157933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10024377718653664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267790868298912,0.0,0.0,0.13565437580726586,0.0857739060462188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2750339200863705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09740225387890168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805085581791435,0.07764913243571239,0.0,0.0,0.07066274469042069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09998861376051836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822262091636056,0.12306715418373715,0.0,0.17216976209435647,0.0,0.0,0.07803783784577929 ptsd,imjustamermaid,2019/03/04,"Post-Traumatic Stress & Hypersensitivity I've struggled with post-traumatic stress for nearly three years due to a specific incident ( I won't go into detail now). I was essentially in shock for a few months and had a lot of panic attacks. There was a lot of hyperventilating and ugly crying going on. After about 6 months the panic attacks decreased and I began to have migraines. Overtime I got to a point where I was having a few migraines a week. Thankfully I have that more under control, but I have noticed I am hypersensitive to bright lights, fragrances, chemicals, etc. I feel as if these things are attacking me and they actually trigger a migraine in many cases. I know that I my perception of the lighting or fumes do not match reality. I thought everyone was out of their minds staying in a room with paint fumes like that. I'm not able to watch TV as it is ""too bright"" for me to look at and gives me an instant headache. I'm able to use a computer with the monitor turned down and blue blocking (e.g. night shift or f.Lux) enabled. I've been researching Multiple Chemical Sensitivity (MCS) and I find that my symptoms align with the descriptions. Do you have PTSD and struggle with hypersensitivity, MCS, or migraines? I'm curious how often people struggle with these ailments together and how they relate. If you can relate to this please share your experience.",6.131888449714537,7.728463245059293,6.822101449275363,71.18600241545896,66.74703557312253,9.732894158981116,33.818401405357925,9.994966539143718,3.596986122090469,1103,50,188,26,18,363,155,253,0.139,0.775,0.087,-0.7401,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,3,3,2,8,18,5,7,15,0,18,5,0,5,0,40,33,19,0,2,8,0,1,1,0,1,5,0,1,0,9,17,0,2,5,1,0,2,3,13,0,1,9,8,24,5,35,23,6,25,0,0,5,0,8,13,0,8,10,132,33,2,0.2332311650226267,0.0,0.11379998653102745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635293492953226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3980011808361639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13079429181068772,0.0,0.0,0.1280967415427808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300572004371927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11143118654055907,0.0,0.11407241647194435,0.0,0.0,0.05896434242392271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10658452974593308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118682928718676,0.13255064589666588,0.0,0.09326813437049834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06408887438726389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056972483134429264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979277189245451,0.0,0.0,0.1982847960768485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822989712703895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11774849497071373,0.0,0.1861628907659528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943582443065968,0.0,0.0,0.13276761361200692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736465196922638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08084656164215738,0.0,0.0,0.12800889059523607,0.11023941896056,0.0,0.2233709850429089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1363173754404514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12429669476008473,0.0,0.0,0.267165511527568,0.36573578039505344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12120824153831435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10736396057878826,0.0,0.0,0.0774742112626869,0.0,0.0,0.0925797464270121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684426676480814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071842117720256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09354198614707387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07509661174522761 ptsd,radtoni,2019/03/04,"How to deal with an anniversary? Hi, I was just wondering how you all deal with traumatic anniversaries. This is the first anniversary of my trauma. Unfortunately, the week of the trauma happens to line up with my birthday week. My family and friends know about the trauma and they’re not bringing it up and we’ve been celebrating my birthday this weekend like everything is fine. However, I keep having flashbacks to this time last year and losing it. I’ve been crying myself to sleep. I’ve been short with people who are just trying to make my birthday special. Normally I can deal, but the anniversary is really triggering a lot of symptoms and I was just wondering if anyone out there had some advice for someone dealing with an anniversary of their trauma for the first time. ",6.566478873239441,8.202247619718314,6.567718309859156,73.2670704225352,65.76056338028171,10.187042253521126,32.50985915492957,10.355215969177356,3.682409014084509,630,26,103,16,10,200,83,142,0.11800000000000001,0.818,0.064,-0.7845,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,3,7,9,0,0,9,0,12,2,1,4,1,29,19,9,0,2,6,0,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,11,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,5,0,2,6,0,12,4,20,13,3,14,0,1,0,0,9,4,0,5,10,78,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14697443851297304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10516696877909963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652132945408971,0.0,0.6202455468439871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13517469588834993,0.0,0.14178884695294985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25586955173692505,0.0,0.0,0.11620285662155885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13300301873268208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13368725056892675,0.0,0.0,0.08265888697411848,0.12260049399290265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07348049234859888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16826519598733328,0.0,0.127869311985135,0.0,0.0,0.10039678769073243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14736538032899238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10427218241725288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963535652489301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051404387926615,0.0,0.12743802672355367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563288235818696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754052232212903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211540926536873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412923158407693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32621653049866056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685616110027356 ptsd,greenpeace4444,2019/03/30,"Found this to be very helpful for my Anxiety I've been using hemp oil to mange my anxiety and just recently tried hemp smokes it seems to be working, soon as I feel feel it coming I light one up its been very helpful so far. [https://hempflowerjoints.com/](https://hempflowerjoints.com/)",5.825624999999999,9.532550312500003,4.000833333333337,80.62750000000003,77.125,6.533333333333335,22.583333333333336,7.793537801064563,1.3096833333333335,237,7,39,4,6,67,35,48,0.067,0.8109999999999999,0.122,0.584,2,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,8,10,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,4,4,0,6,5,0,5,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,23,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4114465414586325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316510010545028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27194833764985604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2948571960096544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.360503177201886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18222733488160492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2655263241600044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448149141623035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825792111586016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2322607705258296,0.0,0.44377477324970055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19577715961950565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,realsheeps,2019/03/30,"Touching weirdness (cross-posted from r/OCD) So touching is a big part of my OCD/PTSD/own special brand of weirdness. I cannot stand and get really uncomfortable when people touch me in most capacities. However, I grew up with the habit of touching others (on the shoulder, arm, face, etc.) as a way to get my point across because I have trouble talking, especially when discussing emotional things. I understand that it's not okay to touch people without permission and I understand that it can greatly upset some people, because it greatly upsets me. The hypocrisy in my own brain is weird. I feel badly about it because obviously if it upsets me to be touched, I should give other people the same respect and not touch them. But it's really hard to get out of the habit of touching other people. I really want to work on this, do you guys have any advice?",5.889664772727272,7.191186318750006,6.3077272727272735,75.74636363636365,67.0625,8.818181818181818,32.67045454545455,9.095868883498916,2.9883125,681,29,116,12,11,220,96,160,0.159,0.784,0.057,-0.9297,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,1,1,1,4,13,0,3,7,1,9,4,4,0,1,19,17,9,0,3,5,0,10,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,13,5,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,0,10,16,5,22,15,6,14,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,3,2,83,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1419189484998687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876268381535892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126258440376855,0.2655960859373464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16212685051755016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16336635901073748,0.0,0.0,0.16197197784525627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734336209963237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276330473123891,0.13931968851950702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32023740254444194,0.0,0.14380243121875114,0.0,0.0,0.13009927122996262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15727201342884534,0.0,0.5034276244279318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13729110472569822,0.0,0.13909203073348905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976833916571166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791178548329949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11673191364548632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09648563238356517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30238309507595673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08566154751113662,0.11527833577282848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999838543267476,0.0,0.10573056532337403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ahomslice,2019/03/30,Denial I got my official diagnosis this week. I went into a full fledged denial phase filled with anxiety. But I am slowly accepting that I need help managing this,4.2940000000000005,7.1118124000000025,6.0100000000000025,69.78500000000001,75.0,10.666666666666668,30.0,10.504223727775694,4.327,132,6,21,5,3,45,25,30,0.059000000000000004,0.759,0.183,0.5574,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,4,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,1,2,2,1,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,14,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3962737791763669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4142973535787218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3472090345648026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3840954737359417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4155138040531936,0.0,0.0,0.4801974872574117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ptsdfreakoutaccount,2019/03/30,"Anyone else not recognize themselves/feel separate from the person in the mirror? I don't look in the mirror often (or take pictures or anything). I'm really fussy with skincare but I only typically ever look at one bit of my face at a time, never the whole. I do dissociate a lot, that's my bag, and I really enjoy not being present, but this didn't feel like that. So I took a shower, did my skincare, put my earrings in, and caught a glimpse of the mirror. I spotted a person and stared, moving my face around. It was definitely me, but I was looking at the person in the mirror, knowing that's me, but not hating that face as much. Thinkin that if I saw that face at the store I would just think it's a normal person, that it's a normal face. Not feeling like that could possibly be me. It really fucked with my head. I didn't like that feeling. Anyone else know what I'm talking about or can someone give me a technical name for this feeling?",3.184834205933683,4.656162178010477,4.759246073298431,83.62061431064575,73.81675392670157,7.1875741710296674,25.298778359511342,7.793537801064563,1.3972594066317623,740,24,146,10,15,249,96,191,0.106,0.83,0.064,-0.6924,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,16,0,12,7,6,0,2,35,31,13,0,5,13,0,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,4,16,6,0,0,7,0,1,4,8,2,0,1,8,9,20,4,17,19,4,17,0,0,5,1,7,9,1,6,7,105,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17122262113214978,0.2509038554031852,0.10075582286885547,0.10899554173783553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13367029464239205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09775656790310483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456203210082013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11075194026911987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3095409862484913,0.17493908354178075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131917123250227,0.0,0.11745343128407025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12088191415207135,0.12565643856803158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345771533769583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17945067707193013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084505799695355,0.0,0.0,0.10409218319512202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13013193476921694,0.09000582249728233,0.0,0.09443152865566046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399259670312069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296697740188001,0.093119414108527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4276316274111223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13803014869372598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12308374039193384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2353102431620357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037410948553091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09205793854826104,0.09841081288448653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07845315625112896,0.0,0.0,0.07139442742545753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1360328277556597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13669735772166206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697625345969731,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Disvoid,2019/03/30,"Got officially diagnosed today Got a long road ahead, wish me luck....",2.765000000000001,5.727312166666668,4.449999999999998,73.84500000000001,94.0,9.066666666666668,22.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,3.0623666666666667,54,2,9,2,2,18,11,12,0.0,0.787,0.213,0.4019,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39529314064766463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.622972595126335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34465935502059325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3691620174577883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4478591436397715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NunchiDreamer,2019/03/30,"I'm really struggling today I feel so much fear. It's paralyzing. I've tried my breathing exercises, journaling, listening to music. It's still strong. I know where it's coming from, but it's a situation that I can't control. I can't make someone love me or treat me kindly. I can't control anything. Except myself of course, but I can't get out of this feeling. I'm stuck in this situation and I don't know what to do but keep telling myself I'll get through it. I don't know how. But I'm trying. I'm really trying so hard. My chest hurts. I feel I've made such great improvements over these past few years, only to have it come crashing down when I finally trusted someone again. I gave so much more of myself than I've ever given to anyone and it's all thrown in the trash. On top of the million other things going on. I just can't believe this is happening again. I thought I made a good decision this time. I thought I thought through everything. I thought I spent plenty of time deciding if I'm making a good choice. And now here I am. Except this time it feels even more devastating and I don't know what to do.",1.1940259740259762,3.4729035021645065,3.1850285714285715,88.68497142857143,83.24242424242425,6.293402597402598,23.09281385281385,7.554174236665415,1.1043002943722948,883,32,185,15,25,297,119,231,0.10800000000000001,0.74,0.152,0.8725,0,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,0,0,4,15,11,0,2,5,0,13,4,2,7,2,40,47,15,0,1,9,0,5,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,19,7,0,3,14,1,1,3,8,3,0,1,10,6,27,8,23,37,6,25,0,1,0,1,4,9,0,2,13,119,46,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808067907086807,0.0,0.09510139066216836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302038818326601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19910063047246232,0.0,0.0,0.25923533512523483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0763305897904427,0.10453652442336853,0.0,0.0,0.10386372723837836,0.0,0.0,0.1300444529293675,0.2337355989637409,0.0,0.0,0.1265974626416095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207574630794036,0.0,0.06567911075168319,0.1938634108118276,0.0,0.1274124850422142,0.0,0.0,0.10219508295356036,0.0,0.1035248932066276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371633894634147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027208238723062,0.0,0.1203447361050135,0.2540493258471672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10430328711400312,0.21870365171173026,0.15428308536284738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16990936391488098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08789353833072272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032131022906692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14806973085741082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25980319812857,0.0,0.0,0.19583825745530106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09229156401114373,0.0,0.0,0.1208152082243668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10101022336697156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07677725396959845,0.0,0.0,0.3669875995131863,0.2021632836802236,0.0,0.10954353845489244,0.0,0.0,0.2353862225116584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442104331556519 ptsd,WesBeans99,2019/03/30,"They're on the Highway, We need backroads. Taking steps so small I'm sculpted Taking steps might fall I've molted Shedding this husk so heavy Having these thoughts unsteady Dodging with a barrel roll Aww shit I lost control Well fuck it's taken me days Just to be ok And that's Just fine It's our time Up here Instead of below Never wanting to grow Flourish Excited But not manic I know it's intense but please don't panic Deep deep breath Understand it's more than fine To need just a bit more time. ♥️ -Wesbeans ",-0.18107517482517466,1.516289336538463,1.003636363636364,96.28681818181818,112.3653846153846,2.6601398601398607,19.150349650349646,4.851557810540192,-0.3571961538461537,417,15,80,2,22,130,80,104,0.073,0.768,0.159,0.7719,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,2,0,0,2,8,9,2,1,3,1,4,3,2,1,1,18,16,5,0,3,6,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,7,3,0,1,3,1,0,4,3,4,1,0,3,0,5,5,9,11,3,14,0,1,0,1,2,6,2,1,4,43,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487636031338475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555638499724893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1469505532797893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2106524735222106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12522564442276404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24873560517259585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2417229641370064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3379099241815196,0.1757393247367715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2673440757084054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2501213505446916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23389454390441594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3426440339883419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808950230076529,0.2657334609390814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23720981756969756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13439746063020158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20487309174963209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SHIBBIDIWWHOO,2019/03/30,"A moment of honesty I still think about Afghanistan and the friends I lost there every single day. It's been 9 years and I still see there faces. I dont know if I've gotten any better or if that is even an option for me at this point. There are no doctors willing to meet with me. I keep everyone at a distance ,because I know one day I might lose this fight .I dont want the people I love to have to carry the burden of my mistakes.....I never know what to say after that part......",2.076470588235296,3.2651418921568687,3.380539215686277,93.53492647058826,76.15686274509805,5.492156862745098,21.573529411764707,5.148860815047168,-0.10202352941176507,371,9,84,1,8,121,72,102,0.138,0.733,0.129,0.2681,0,0,0,0,1,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,7,7,1,0,6,0,8,3,1,0,1,15,18,5,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,6,3,0,1,4,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,3,2,12,3,12,13,2,11,0,2,1,1,5,3,0,5,8,60,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12636196963690804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11327235230410428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434008527301747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396732569934949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19019162998470374,0.0,0.0,0.4355524101627508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273041263511927,0.0,0.15655888343130364,0.17755615948700382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435617960930912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1651627366522204,0.0,0.0,0.30636058240048475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20788175487431065,0.202841266301524,0.0,0.16770714731597355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197122531395076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14331356841271736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12591444574870778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2012217633006506,0.0,0.12882214969223066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17565717877006834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14776918063564612,0.0,0.0,0.14807213536967184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29678748100663666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11906406616150672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959971365186276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11966009145129165 ptsd,lumpydukeofspacenuts,2019/03/30,"Does anyone else dissociate seemingly with no trigger? I say ""no trigger"" but I guess stress is a trigger, too, now that I think of it. When I'm stressed or having an episode (I'm also bipolar) i dissociate real hard. I have been having a hard time with it today. When it happens i feel locked in my head at the same time. And my thoughts become so loud. And I lose time. I haven't lost time today or this week, but I had a terrible episode of dissociation a few months ago and had to go to the hospital. All my psychiatrists say it's borderline personality disorder, but all my therapists have said PTSD. It's funny how quick pdocs are to diagnose without knowing my background, smh.",3.1641478696741885,5.314327413533839,4.791146616541358,80.45308583959901,75.61654135338345,8.042355889724309,29.12844611528822,8.841846274778883,2.5074566416040103,538,24,104,12,12,181,83,133,0.203,0.7509999999999999,0.046,-0.9612,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,2,8,5,0,2,7,0,10,3,1,4,2,25,22,13,0,0,6,0,3,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,7,5,0,0,5,0,0,1,4,5,0,0,6,7,14,0,10,16,4,16,0,2,0,0,4,2,0,4,13,70,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13341942342864396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12036404632121912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052411877127207,0.1542168877554574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662282014449573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276607298440495,0.0,0.0,0.17249929630903366,0.0,0.13171368718461665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573310160111614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610317100195688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553919247135654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16580546065931684,0.0,0.13309688225592822,0.0,0.26965760237097625,0.0,0.15446829106118748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271722139714828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.168383944902099,0.16430115586352784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201368973838664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314208954246054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17593996824551492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17131511523227572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14317096769662427,0.2393856794736514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13702007842615718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34482098457793936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475553079208378,0.0,0.09644173519932386,0.0,0.11948937245833167,0.3510580220600997,0.0,0.2853347346712167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12073130090102092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14508778025686767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,brendelman11,2019/03/30,"I keep thinking about what happened. It’s been 3 years since my incident. I never talked to a therapist about it. I keep inconsistently thinking about it or having flashbacks. Particularly, when I am about to go to bed but also sometimes in the middle of the day. Still having sleepless nights here and there. Does this happen to anyone else? And what are your opinions on going to a therapist? 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I was recently diagnosed with Chronic PTSD after childhood abuse and my husband dying in bed right next to me. I moved recently and am looking for a new psychiatrist. And I can’t find one who takes my insurance, is taking new patients, isn’t offering treatments I’ve never heard of, and has an appointment before July. The anniversary of my husband’s death is soon and I always get super bad around that time. And I want to talk to someone who is actually impowered to help me. I don’t want to have another full self harm crisis before I can talk to someone. Psychologist in the past have always done nothing for me. I’m at a lose at this point I need help urgently but can’t get it. ",4.173496503496505,5.7715980979021,5.73594405594406,77.09314685314689,71.51748251748252,9.116083916083916,30.48251748251749,9.573946990214177,3.0137048951048966,580,25,107,14,11,197,92,143,0.11199999999999999,0.826,0.062,-0.7866,1,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,0,0,6,0,15,2,0,0,1,15,25,8,2,3,1,2,1,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,5,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,1,3,3,14,1,17,22,1,20,0,1,1,0,11,8,0,0,11,69,19,0,0.0,0.16685679850648025,0.1374266988522112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343584544571569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14766923949287014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536576061369326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11758454405629926,0.0,0.0,0.2396665674745531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14293629644913453,0.14615604487083644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14411476973565027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574263937668438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14715244174163386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615320351985296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18878654877803672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11825909253739822,0.15754923194404655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14967666312182107,0.0,0.10442133076802172,0.108614354560533,0.27202291393436656,0.1497709610882232,0.0,0.0,0.13512716833569027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09542792358263236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1344351708156443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13312690003706665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16461906081044236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2780990655170471,0.0,0.0,0.12026536723448075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14691312605062926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386442795011772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117685421370806,0.2263825880062183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08211727337710598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16612665904786678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270743350939653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,accesspointt,2018/12/27,"The use of medical marijuana on PTSD We all know the are medical marijuana strains that works perfectly for ptsd , but in simple terms, major pharmaceutical companies don’t want medical cannabis used for PTSD relief because it interferes with an industry worth a fortune.so the point is why remain sick when you already no the solution to your problem?????✔",7.139016393442622,9.823790114754104,7.738491803278691,61.31101639344263,65.88524590163935,12.748852459016394,40.0688524590164,11.979248473330829,6.3345121311475445,291,17,42,12,5,96,52,61,0.121,0.682,0.19699999999999998,0.6818,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,1,2,0,2,1,3,0,1,6,0,3,4,0,2,2,10,7,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,0,1,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,7,7,3,5,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,25,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20212287056893208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116533297926914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10066057146468953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5535467315539133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17314647848941642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17526047278369655,0.6423167067728689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3163848305856111,0.0,0.0,0.10803318483845574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16527443831245214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333434900317379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,butternut_78,2018/12/27,"Sleep panic attacks I am new to the idea of ptsd and the fact that I might have it. I am in an abusive relationship and have been making plans to get out over the past couple weeks so my anxiety is off the charts. I keep finding myself waking up startled. It’s different than when you’re dozing off and your body does that full body jolt thing. I just wake up feeling panicked with adrenaline rushing through my body, like I just had a terrible dream but I can’t remember having had any nightmares. I feel super anxious like there’s something scary in my presence I should be aware of, but I can’t find anything. This happened probably 5 times the night before last, and then 10-20 times last night and I’m exhausted. I’m wondering if it could be a ptsd response or if anyone can relate. Or maybe it’s just something physical like sleep apnea. ",4.078350324374419,5.755731746987956,4.602048192771086,84.81158016682117,71.89156626506025,7.517330861909176,28.43188137164041,8.139509932561175,1.915979240037072,674,26,129,10,13,214,111,166,0.136,0.767,0.098,-0.5088,1,0,2,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,0,2,6,9,1,2,8,0,17,8,7,1,1,29,26,14,0,4,9,0,2,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,8,7,0,1,7,1,0,1,2,5,0,0,3,2,15,4,15,18,1,21,0,0,0,0,2,9,0,6,14,82,23,0,0.0,0.14997922534392433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08608024657108376,0.0,0.0968350476464823,0.1430018722266565,0.0,0.08850922758409634,0.0,0.10416637705644803,0.0,0.0,0.14400554303235333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771214134638583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4218129132835437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010655982155322,0.140060812747834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13225147253529013,0.0,0.0,0.11077294895974077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280075420750773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23138770170477535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06613398260491038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11193623426676434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14289591256690304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11251208837777964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20636279909394872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18552502831762047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449461112734105,0.0,0.12716884830375647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428372599732089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12225389157903813,0.0,0.2375776668484467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485169550919736,0.0,0.0,0.12083704684724265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13647703666977304,0.0,0.2959356698460884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590192633637768,0.14339297333714346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2533472613876489,0.0,0.0,0.1948983459889298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08409559871491278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762221448202245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153661717636488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13727301202456246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,xTNDLockdown,2018/12/27,"Do I have ptsd? So im a kickboxer and 9 monty ago I got beaten a bit. No fainting or puke so i doubt concussion. Anuway i felt sick for 3 months. Then it went away, and 3 month later it came back again. And I have had it for 2 month now. My symptoms are: Tinnitus Brainfog (feeling really off) like tunnelvision Dizzyness and sometimes small vertigos Anxiaty And occasional shortage of breath. I don’t have trouble sleeping. I have already had MRI and checked for meniers. That’s why I’m here and searching. And if it’s not ptsd can it be something else? ",1.3028571428571425,3.918398899082572,2.8189056356487576,88.71965596330277,87.53211009174312,6.050065530799477,27.051769331585845,7.447530270364453,1.7957622542595022,436,21,85,8,14,142,77,109,0.18899999999999997,0.785,0.026000000000000002,-0.9453,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,6,4,1,1,2,0,11,7,2,0,0,15,17,13,0,1,3,0,2,1,0,0,5,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,2,0,1,2,3,3,0,0,6,2,8,1,6,10,1,14,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,3,10,52,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1711210595568009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21302785987726666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813703459389816,0.14843822715924812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2107530661957525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22078987779072945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1612627383212533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0976083910634812,0.0,0.18535164807519866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15439420095531134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20851967309614364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09431110710371936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622554792373718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4513141042115867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366835226016736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19318251224513006,0.0,0.0,0.148614008710171,0.19092456083998985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20064569456452866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17895288662945535,0.17419137075886534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rorylupin,2018/12/27,"NSFW. Feeling like a huge fraud - my story. Tw: Guns, psych wards, psychosis I’m 25 and this summer I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder after my first manic episode landed me in hospital for 6 weeks. As you may guess, psych wards are not the nicest places and I am autistic and so felt particularly scared and vulnerable. As I’ve since found out can happen in mania, I developed psychosis. I could hear all the staff talking about me and plotting to hurt me. One morning I heard the staff shooting up the hospital, the gunshots in the rooms next to me and the cries of other patients. Hysterical, I tried to smash a window but couldn’t manage it and barricaded myself in my room. The staff shot through the door just missing me and pushed their way in. I’m assuming I attacked one or ran because I ended up in restraint with five nurses holding me down. I bit one and punched another full in the face trying to escape. The whole time I was convinced I was going to die. I could hear them talking and laughing about how they were going to pour acid on my face, assault, torture and kill me. For an hour I struggled waiting for the ‘others’ to finish up and come finish me off. I was in a state of overwhelming terror and horror. I was never going to see my parents again, I was going to die in pain, I was completely trapped. I gradually started to get better with the right medication and was discharged three months ago. Since then I have been having a LOT of anxiety from everything that happened. The whole hospitalisation thing was very distressing in itself but more so the psychosis. Now that I’m well I understand that what I experienced wasn’t objective reality but it was my reality at the time. I’m finding that coming across things about acid attacks in the news or a gunman cropping up in a show I’m watching is making me panic, sweat and I feel trapped like I can’t breathe. I’m instantly transported back to how I felt in hospital. Sometimes I feel like I get stuck in the memories of what happened and it’s really affecting my life. Im on alert all the time, terrified of anyone even the same general resemblance of the people I thought attacked me, I don’t want anyone to touch me and am always planning exits and escape strategies for if someone comes in with a gun (for context I’m in the UK where gun crime is very unusual). I was so hesitant to post here because I don’t want to trivialise the experiences of people who have gone through traumatic things that, well, ACTUALLY happened whereas I was never really in danger from these people, despite what I felt at the time. After having another panic attack from a Netflix show on Christmas Eve I’m wondering if I should seek help. In the meantime, if what I am experiencing even counts as trauma, are there any coping mechanisms people can suggest? I’m constantly exhausted from jumping at every bang and feeling scared all the time!! 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Violent dreams. Graphic/trigger warning Firefighter / Paramedic here (lots of shootings and violence in my area). It’s the middle of the night. This is the 3rd night in a row I have been beaten or shot at. Tonight was in a grocery and led to a fierce close quarters shoot out with some old dude. When I finally killed him he was shot multiple times, I was shot multiple times and dying. As was my friend and brother. It was a disaster. I woke up dying. Now I am super charged. Does anyone else deal with this shit? How the fuck do I turn it off? I am frustrated and discouraged. I am in Theropy and have some some EMDR about 12 months ago. I am a zombie all day because of shitty sleep. It’s killing me. I would appreciate any advice. Thx...a frustrated and sleepy (yet awake) friend. ",1.523800410116202,4.144583000000001,2.5892344497607667,90.9354306220096,85.88311688311687,6.099248120300753,23.68967874231032,7.475848149327749,1.2506545454545457,618,24,124,11,19,196,101,154,0.28,0.609,0.11199999999999999,-0.9864,0,0,0,2,1,0,29.0,0,0,0,2,6,12,8,0,9,0,15,3,2,2,1,21,18,11,4,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,11,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,9,0,1,7,0,14,3,16,10,5,25,0,1,0,1,7,11,2,5,13,79,20,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16897499081033385,0.1532827548237398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11759122912413365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12090937555397065,0.17717652188882818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054101575932624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11151880965069076,0.17827247145574615,0.0,0.0,0.35892640151374544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132307051565222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14445210218030802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18942492357971832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2671944431756313,0.15986134500931812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11590433475909663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.382619741590574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14701002457447548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380227414700584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3245465826365029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144998795101816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898137479473065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17749944139610865,0.0,0.0,0.17304443846594636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20166156973810054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18808682403464436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1228370927194186,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TheArsGoetia,2018/12/27,"Possible Trigger Warning: Discussion of Severe Trauma/Repressed Memories(In writing that is) Before I say anything, I would like to say that I am not here to step on any toes, weave discord, or do anything that could potentially offend anyone. In fact, I will admit that I am not even sure if this is the right place to put this sort of thing. I should also mention I do not have PTSD, so I am already in a foreign element. I will also claim that I have 0 knowledge of PTSD, and will not pretend I know anything. To the main point, I am actually a wanna-be writer in hopes of publishing, but I have a long way to go before then. To give some background to this, I am writing a character, female, who suffers an incident in her past that eventually resurfaces through a nightmare and haunts her when she realizes it actually happened. I know that some of you may possibly have your reservations of having the dreaded Female+Trauama combo in writing, but forgive me on that instance and bare with me. Also, forgive me for my verboseness, I am trying my best to be as thorough as possible. Here is my problem, while writing out her traumatic scene, as well as the memory resurfacing, and everything in between, I could not help but look at it and think ""What have I done""? Aside from the horrible writing, I could not help but feel I did her trauma no justice or even properly give it time to heal(however long that may be). I had assumed that because the traumatic event had happened at such a young age, that the grieving would be more on the short scale(I am wrong on that one/ignorant on it). I sort of swept the severity of it under the rug, and that was that. I only recently discovered this while rereading it for consistency, as well as minor improvements. Even now as I write this, I am not sure what the right question is to ask? Obviously, I want to do the woman justice, not only because she is a woman, but because I have associated trauma with her. I have to be extra-cautious here as I do not want to push out some dramatized/unrealistic version coming from a guy who has no experience with such severe trauma. Plus it would not be fair to misrepresent a group based on my wild imagination/""Oh this would be(Insert adjective here). I was hoping that this subreddit would be able to help me get some grasp of reality when it comes to trauma, seeing as how repressed memories play into PTSD. Honestly, I am not even sure how to properly ask the question other than ""How do I go about this character and her trauma""? I don't want to be like ""Bare your soul to me, and show me what haunts you"", or anything like that. I know that there may be thousands upon thousands of books and other sources of media that could help me(Which I will eventually get to hopefully), but I feel that maybe someone who actually has PTSD/Severe Trauma will be able to better explain it, or at least give me better insight to it. Or at least make it so that I don't write something unrealistic that is just going to look more like a T.V. drama. I understand if this goes unnoticed/ignored because of what I ask of you, and so forth. To add a little more specificity to the scene, what happens is, as a toddler, the character witnesses, her parents get murdered by a nighttime intruder, who then proceeds to make it all the more worse by taunting her and so forth. That is the scene at its most basic level. Hopefully, I have made this as clear as possible, and have also not said anything mean or distasteful to this community. I only seek to learn, in order to make an accurate portrayal in my book. To add more background, The book is mostly about myself (I know that may be egotistical, but it serves a deeper purpose that I have included myself in it) and a girl, and our various experiences together as we become closer and closer to one another. Until we are eventually inseparable. I know that may sound like a love story, but given what I have written here, that is only a small part to it. For the last time: I really do not want to come off as arrogant/in other words, a douchebag. I hope that you all understand. Thank you all for your time and consideration &#x200B; ",8.325457503579331,7.269051543147214,8.567411167512692,69.62603345047508,62.12182741116752,11.787635038396461,38.09852922035663,10.944911242898293,4.172447182090329,3288,141,589,73,39,1087,310,788,0.138,0.755,0.10800000000000001,-0.983,2,0,1,0,0,0,116.0,3,8,0,3,32,38,2,2,39,0,78,2,1,8,9,143,130,65,2,22,30,1,2,5,0,16,0,4,1,4,68,30,0,1,24,7,0,9,17,14,2,3,10,9,82,24,104,90,21,67,1,2,3,1,60,36,0,29,25,474,150,5,0.11182275714621966,0.0,0.16368432052210016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616995965799297,0.1788492369787649,0.0,0.060579955324437273,0.06793844477167797,0.03802165471258138,0.05862795543680922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03909453590262208,0.0,0.23005150303735716,0.0,0.15680877445363675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13633222971005626,0.06174972490007995,0.0951529301962008,0.0,0.05867554235454319,0.09889814151585974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14448810572681606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856274496138755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05721675229630795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771575293907624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05024954187500887,0.10938411359380004,0.0,0.0,0.0565409459110422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763416294220219,0.1609058670820356,0.09532717476396947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05536105516179587,0.14832674226611306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990487398510846,0.0,0.0,0.2776630728238772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15363715727455052,0.04557523592937551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365773768900121,0.056037889776438594,0.0,0.09895962121745,0.0939029527217798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050462202088194616,0.05290469828645411,0.11196383806956202,0.0,0.05617049477674601,0.06090388224840384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07577399423797987,0.17009249147224445,0.0,0.0,0.06208296923988425,0.06054657447061084,0.05337373735238866,0.0,0.0,0.05841549047858322,0.0,0.05285432490624117,0.2521267140087207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053499638297854,0.2614296381396341,0.056206378292359416,0.12526707984397406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03581826080660557,0.0,0.055205741141976086,0.0,0.0,0.0954960236137069,0.053184524599889885,0.08892594471950305,0.0,0.0,0.04455412985218194,0.0,0.0,0.252655772985719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04737352962571461,0.043043310808391716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808743786350984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05147568545950288,0.0,0.0,0.037145035528514746,0.03582575378713071,0.0,0.0,0.09780712342012908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03796015593186219,0.0,0.0,0.11641143383055512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13191191878515213,0.044379849850879366,0.0,0.0,0.10054208804770907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05697847140870335,0.19858919581258727,0.061130315354443465,0.06793844477167797,0.0 ptsd,blobbyjellybeans,2018/12/27,"When afternoon nap could be anxiety / trigger to emotions I had two continued dreama from morning then again in after as that's my guess from similar story and the feeling of anxious. Kind of like forgot to bring something with me to face more pressure in situations like ""living life under millions rules as a small position soldier in military"" the second dream where it was like the story after I forgot to bring important thing like my baggage then it affected my second dream as I had no clothes and shoes to wear then I had to meet all officers and been paranoid to get punished by not dressing completed. Right before I woke up but something distract me dream about facing heartbroken situation about insecure and being unwanted in relationship anymore. Then when I woke up for real and realized it was in the middle of after it triggered me more because it was a very weird time to nap more than 2 hours and felt paranoid about afternoon light from outside windows cause it reminded me of emptiness and feeling of heartaches and loneliness. I don't know with group I should use as a sunreddit since if I use r/dream r/nap that's such a fine story but since I feel anxious in general and some kind of traumatized in my history which I preferred not to write it long in this post but yew seriously found being depressed like strong depressed in these 2 years and occasionally suicidal, but un control of it now (I will never call PTSD or CPTSD if I never diagnose by any therapist or psychologist first) so haha I'm a bit down and feel triggered and lifeless, right after this afternoon nap. Has anyone experienced mood swings / anxiety by nap? If yes, do you wonder if general nap could affect your emotions? ",9.761751054852326,8.584209563291141,9.355113924050633,65.51309282700424,59.379746835443036,12.603881856540086,42.26919831223629,11.602472056035307,5.089720084388186,1386,67,225,33,15,448,175,316,0.179,0.721,0.1,-0.9832,0,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,2,0,3,10,19,1,3,9,2,17,6,4,9,3,60,36,33,1,9,12,0,5,5,0,2,2,0,1,0,15,14,0,3,10,8,0,2,6,8,0,5,13,7,23,10,50,16,6,44,0,2,0,0,7,18,0,9,28,162,38,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762588055887945,0.0,0.17157304647255436,0.2533717643097344,0.11121239728845354,0.07841064876105165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06835928814472292,0.0,0.09542258036753873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242745092544174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450711784614526,0.0,0.0,0.11519830805318736,0.0,0.0,0.11757628663631288,0.0,0.1257741498622262,0.17906876694803714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1931714277801466,0.11381938147717707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2522840192322037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268047003546089,0.0,0.1076716472423663,0.0,0.0,0.0953859266973518,0.0,0.1229553351314726,0.0,0.0,0.058588337315180636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12353446422432017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1104349637677813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2335523722750189,0.06162901744483045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792075492434985,0.27392883636483456,0.0,0.0990213630496549,0.09924005902174886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17297801835829685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10739878384113173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108524668866078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12763946910790513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1203960140968032,0.0,0.19153329212815268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855261501129956,0.2520993240394685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17266115826090248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12266257313277132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302027736649437,0.07450059878694731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06538953013729812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954414087318072,0.0,0.0,0.1937053004937508,0.0,0.09252695322725583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12161066392769695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07221425621127807 ptsd,rosedust666,2018/12/27,"BF shuts down sometimes - is this PTSD? My boyfriend has episodes where he will completely shut down for awhile - he describes it as going emotionally numb, or dissociating. He has no control over it, just has to wait for the episode to pass. And it can come from out of the blue, there aren't always clear triggers - although he has had a very rough past. Does this sound like PTSD to any of you?",5.537999999999999,6.5300948000000005,4.577333333333332,88.96200000000002,67.66666666666666,7.6,29.666666666666664,7.554174236665415,1.4752666666666667,310,11,65,3,5,91,59,75,0.091,0.877,0.032,-0.5638,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,3,0,9,1,0,2,1,9,12,4,0,0,2,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,5,3,0,2,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,0,1,3,2,1,13,10,0,11,0,0,1,0,6,7,0,1,2,39,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2156856749535063,0.0,0.0,0.17627347857136882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232887302528484,0.2717795129738124,0.0,0.2907290081373767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2268387211067948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2915793219856125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1473165123493461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12663819868202053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2474477878088487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.606011390941365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2563679211436022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21387756838110425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SevereChicken,2018/12/27,"Is this ptsd and if so what do I do about it? So I don't know if its PTSD or anxiety or what, but I have a specific (very unpleasant) memory that when I think of it, I involuntarily make a noise somewhere between a whimper and a moan. It's definitely a reaction to the thoughts that I can't control. It's embarrassing in public and I try pathetically to cover it up with a cough. And it happens frequently every day. Anyone know whats going on or have a similar thing? Thanks.",2.7927061855670097,4.4297736701030965,5.68307989690722,75.91369201030929,75.18556701030927,9.386082474226805,28.619845360824733,9.827888789773867,2.9239494845360827,374,16,76,11,8,136,62,97,0.078,0.805,0.11800000000000001,0.6794,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,8,0,7,1,0,2,0,17,15,13,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,14,5,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,7,1,9,14,0,7,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,5,3,58,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651610748897044,0.0,0.0,0.17961976892065765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2881180565574781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16566939270001105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21643645574157536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14599350614804568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271623093054483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282354247724226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147254517969454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6005689811565553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2365049364007984,0.0,0.0,0.17066279325582034,0.1646013558693044,0.0,0.20393777318464926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17440786235848132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21195679694296266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NowaiAma,2018/12/27,"6 week residential treatment Has anyone tried this? I’ve done CPT, and it helped me greatly recall the details I felt disrespectful in not remembering. And then I wanted to forget those details. Quit going to my sessions. And spun out 8 months later (this month). My social worker wants to send me to a residential 6 week program citing previous success and “rave reviews”. It also includes intense CPT (cognitive processing therapy). Just looking for feedback from anyone that’s done it or opinions. Thanks all",4.96784090909091,8.298581920454549,5.5420000000000025,71.00300000000003,76.38636363636364,7.156363636363636,32.663636363636364,8.238735603445708,3.369655454545456,411,21,56,8,10,132,68,88,0.022000000000000002,0.8859999999999999,0.092,0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,3,2,3,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,0,1,15,9,7,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,3,2,6,3,8,6,1,10,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,2,6,36,13,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16681149186532862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29170570555907216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42692546958394106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20028168573924152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854802779745854,0.0,0.0,0.2299741675193218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1398152773238223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17516531687456216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33299337623118336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218639927328068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362948451887776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2126339698796083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920441156214628,0.2385439100878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416207382128506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2460667357499761,0.0,0.3346409336288789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,1305well,2018/12/27,"New to the group and wanted to share my recent story. So, no pity party needed. I served USMC for 5 years as a Helicopter Crewchief on the CH53D. I was in Afghanistan 11-12. A couple months ago I was not ok. I had zero control over my emotions, I was lost, everything was chaos to me, panic attacks because I need cigarettes and had to go to the store. The whole nine. I’m lucky enough to live within driving distance of a handful of Marines I served with. One of which physically took me to the VA and got me help. I have my appointments set and they found a medication balance that’s perfect. I’ve been more productive this last month than I have for a couple years. I couldn’t have done it without my brothers. Reach out to your brothers and sisters, even if it’s a quick text or call. If you’re struggling there’s nothing wrong with getting help; it’s a life saver. Stay safe brothers and sisters. Semper Fi ",2.3076672805402083,4.613791740331493,3.0653683241252314,90.99546193984041,79.11049723756906,5.5691835481890735,25.52516881522407,6.691623216298621,0.9414270104358504,719,28,145,7,18,226,120,181,0.126,0.7509999999999999,0.12300000000000001,0.1492,0,0,1,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,1,3,4,11,1,2,12,1,12,3,1,1,1,23,22,11,0,6,5,5,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,9,0,2,1,0,1,3,4,6,0,3,12,1,19,5,23,9,3,19,0,2,0,0,12,5,0,4,9,93,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385890573900264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17786327332533086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09530553125159408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15964416825569613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17535250140346031,0.0,0.3459821628440948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599936562524587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17586536615411394,0.0,0.16154460295287806,0.0,0.10326339074794312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051143427293886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17142255065784198,0.0,0.0,0.08168301286504738,0.0,0.0888535997972558,0.0,0.12504215923102327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20958747146934087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12744079903639915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11043002004068077,0.0,0.0,0.1380541527981498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1706673716169691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15749960292655346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495837403329362,0.0,0.0,0.23185341142990895,0.0,0.1509975024233793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001578089966197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594238488235053,0.0,0.0,0.1834353818660636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15437032017634253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666413422224151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16344414591080478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737033533825957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922154322934008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745519065254089,0.0,0.150709530800548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1709370467371727,0.0,0.2013601439963468 ptsd,AbbyLynn2018,2018/12/27,"You'll Never Win (personification of shame) This is a poem I wrote about 7 or 8 years ago... I creep into the depths of your soul Tearing at your heart and your mind There's no part of you that I can't control There is nowhere for you to run and hide That memory that you can't forget Will never be erased and gone I'll keep reminding you those words you said And you will continue to be my pawn I laugh at you when you're feeling down I yell when you just need some space Just when you think I'm no longer around I sneak up from behind and win the chase I keep you from forgiving yourself It's my job to keep you confused I should feel bad I know that I'm no help But helping isn't what I'm here to do I creep into the depths of your soul Tearing at your heart and your mind There's no part of you that I can't control There is nowhere for you to run and hide ",0.2410317460317444,2.2232863703703707,1.6436481481481522,100.10991666666668,84.76719576719577,4.838201058201059,16.857407407407408,5.985473137389443,-0.7462827513227515,680,14,169,5,20,217,91,189,0.114,0.787,0.099,-0.1793,1,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,20,0,4,12,7,0,2,4,0,14,2,2,2,2,35,28,12,0,2,4,0,2,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,9,10,0,5,5,0,0,3,10,3,0,0,3,4,33,4,24,19,3,22,2,0,0,0,25,11,0,3,8,111,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446216016517036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452370559871608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13622246556580286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3659705908126922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16498590982088687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3866643187323773,0.2187104550738372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16190004811057354,0.4350425521638888,0.0,0.0,0.08966233502749396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32946763712066035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12097279662938926,0.2516608843929344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35334858710317185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15519190629229482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10453918816442194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10506250306478036 ptsd,MlleSemicolon,2018/12/13,"DAE feel ""in between places"" after waking up from nightmare? Woke up from a nightmare earlier and it feels like my brain is between places - partly still in the reality of the nightmare and partly here. Heart rate up. Am so tired but afraid of going back to sleep in case I have another. Worst part is, in the nightmare I couldn't sleep due to the thing that caused me the trigger. Took an Ativan to calm down.",2.7052215189873396,5.168990708860761,3.048591772151898,90.79415348101269,78.62025316455697,5.468987341772152,22.53322784810127,6.6274283507984215,0.5449607594936707,322,10,63,3,8,99,56,79,0.096,0.848,0.055999999999999994,-0.6509,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,1,7,0,5,6,5,2,0,8,10,4,0,1,1,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,2,2,4,2,18,7,4,16,0,0,0,0,0,10,0,0,5,48,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19127936995673656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026685592120988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20363689206460955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18739176374260647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1844702997067481,0.1303182236159099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10367137311176304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161641646850416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911937797327038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5926171498642682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38117236499916596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3650960285656685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1456778731953559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12118926781564025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20966067408898592,0.0,0.0,0.202671193968302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Solicitedcrab2,2018/12/13,"Has anyone tried EMDR? I’ve been doing it with my therapist on and off for a while and I’m not sure how it’s supposed to work or if she’s doing it right. Basically I’ll tell her about a flashback or a memory I’ve recovered and she’ll hand me these vibrating probes that I’ll hold while we talk about it, then she’ll tell me to go to my “safe place” and the session is over. Is this right? Has anyone else had this experience with EMDR?",3.5898226950354584,3.7658472021276586,5.2072340425531936,85.63333333333334,71.65957446808511,8.819858156028369,24.177304964539005,8.841846274778883,1.3352113475177307,343,8,79,6,6,117,59,94,0.022000000000000002,0.902,0.076,0.6886,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,1,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,4,0,10,1,1,1,1,15,12,11,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,7,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,2,1,9,2,11,8,0,10,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,3,3,52,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3504759457910097,0.2567878164800817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093592283525793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2451525499739152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14243201751691287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2618425286505837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4280529033348846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362045531584335,0.0,0.0,0.2014373012963784,0.4381024572146196,0.0,0.0,0.2909868810287209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17015320997455938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18245293063525864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,d3fq0n0n3,2018/12/13,"My mentally handicapped brother ate his guinea pig alive So, some of you may have seen my post from /r/advice end up on the front page. I never really took PTSD seriously before, other than obvious cases like war vets coming home, parents with dead kids, etc. Boy, was I ignorant. Some quick background if you didn't see my original post in /r/advice: I am the 30 year old brother of a 22 year old man who has the functionality/mental capacity of an 8 year old. He has seizure disorder, autism, and a plethora of other issues due to oxygen deprivation at birth. This past sunday I witnessed him eat part of his pet guinea pig alive. I ended up calling 911, and he is currently in 72 hour observation at a mental health facility. At first I thought it was awful but something I could easily get past. I've seen some messed up stuff online, but this was a new horror. Things are happening to me now that I don't really understand and I'm concerned it's stress related or PTSD. I woke up last night with cold sweats and was having extremely vivid nightmares. I had what a think was a panic attack this morning after looking at facebook and seeing my parents house. Just the sight of the house itself and it was like I was reliving the whole ordeal. I took work off for next couple days while I recuperate but I'm not sure what to think. Is it too soon for PTSD? Am I just being dramatic? Just looking for some help.",3.6794245059288535,5.607509189090912,4.949407114624505,80.87367588932806,73.47272727272727,8.12806324110672,25.41106719367589,8.841846274778883,1.9785667984189719,1117,37,211,23,23,370,173,275,0.138,0.807,0.055,-0.9697,3,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,0,2,8,11,2,2,13,1,22,4,1,1,3,33,41,13,2,2,9,4,0,2,0,1,1,0,2,3,16,9,2,1,4,0,0,4,4,8,0,1,16,9,24,3,29,22,8,46,0,1,8,0,17,12,0,7,30,134,40,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547198698302984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11378440351405425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08510756944659068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10212910242715452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08615626421589917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07985587614611331,0.11066751805953384,0.0,0.06450304629065166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11462877881117944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10234292430601492,0.0,0.0,0.17717172719597565,0.0,0.1115460080547765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0850748779728442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05225504243970624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08844519022987693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10631397991418888,0.0,0.0,0.06703965630256248,0.0,0.10032575880526304,0.0,0.0984971409492036,0.2308136509863686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043923380969793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08152765340817536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09772704688784456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679791059199118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20158833449918226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07713970138649955,0.09659757421606653,0.10636980039572667,0.0938596964442468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148547857236804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734904637016065,0.22211530869892085,0.10830926133090182,0.19095613972059808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19157833332597524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3507454952383749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12814760881324894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594020780109783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07699839734378779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11456976699726908,0.0,0.1144961671562133,0.0,0.0,0.09426535836475622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644721679764666,0.12817441657877293,0.0,0.07940276359895759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22224635905443876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10412179812731344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116660241032796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0728139684906772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19322407134232164 ptsd,phantom2769,2018/12/13,"Ptsd support please? My mother is a survivor of a traumatic childhood in every way you can possibly think of. She brought up my brother and I with love and support and has always been amazing. Recently at work as part of training a video was shown, without any warnings attached, that included very disturbing details of a man's own experiences. She was not given the option beforehand of opting out, nor was she warned of the content. Since then she has had continual flashbacks to her own traumatic childhood experiences, and she spoke to a manager and expressed her distress and that there should have been a warning of the content. After that there had been complaints about the video presentation, the person who ran the training event asked for feedback. After a restrained email back saying thank you but the damage is done and talking will not help, the woman complained about her tone and a abbhorant manager brought her in to discuss the email and tell her off without even issuing the slightest apology for the video itself. Distraught, she walked out, and another manager met up with her outside of the work building to check she was okay. After this supportive manager advised her to take the rest of the day and recoup her strength and recover she has been signed off of work due to PTSD. How can I help her without being pushy or putting my foot in it? She is a strong independent woman who has been left bewildered and not knowing what to do. Please help advise me. ",8.550337078651687,8.853176318352062,7.659865168539326,71.84889887640449,61.09737827715356,10.565692883895133,40.27191011235955,10.203070172399654,4.318912808988764,1195,60,193,23,15,369,146,267,0.114,0.76,0.125,-0.3497,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,5,7,14,0,3,23,1,26,2,1,2,0,33,41,19,0,1,8,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,4,9,17,0,1,2,3,1,5,7,5,0,0,18,2,26,9,40,20,4,30,0,1,0,1,46,11,0,2,13,153,35,10,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1042979941035798,0.0,0.0,0.08523964436960049,0.13143631199977085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718168036523295,0.0,0.0,0.09638341156318596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0808378630442867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12827257663004776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08278991500696169,0.0,0.10560949299011416,0.0,0.0,0.24522507010548986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2520505402319897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308287594965808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06888693691548146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13618890132203573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312974652524242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357376083362472,0.0,0.0,0.10944737721573164,0.0,0.2751847479102298,0.0,0.14130889095068686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29304575972757324,0.12600744847011092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1237641490796333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09968024748555936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10368758686155324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4267237969160312,0.0,0.0,0.09424466555003096,0.10074844487140984,0.10955801377068447,0.11540184548563387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08031671780653445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10342365746222572,0.0,0.09949389754500752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624874940289031,0.0,0.2737603547918064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Houndstooth_Tie,2018/12/13,"im tired of being afraid to look over my shoulder i was hospitalized twice for two suicide attempts, and i just havent been the same since. i’ll see something that reminds me of the hospital and suddenly im completely convinced that if i look over my shoulder that it’ll all have been some fantasy jn my head and i’ll still be there. im tired of being scared. its the most paralyzing fear ive ever felt. i feel so fucking weak and pathetic when i’ll see a wall with the same color paint and start sobbing. i cant tell anyone. who could i tell? who would care? its four am and i cant sleep because something about where im staying reminds me a bit too much of the hospital and im afraid that if i fall asleep i’ll wake up in the hospital and i’ll never fucking get out, i’ll be fucking trapped forever. i feel completely pathetic. i hate this and i hate myself. ",1.4680000000000002,3.583901800000003,3.256666666666668,89.525,81.0,6.666666666666668,25.555555555555557,7.793537801064563,1.4522222222222214,684,28,146,12,18,228,97,180,0.23,0.737,0.033,-0.9895,0,1,2,0,0,1,13.0,0,0,0,1,9,13,5,4,8,0,16,12,6,0,3,26,31,13,1,4,3,0,3,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,10,11,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,11,0,3,4,8,18,2,13,20,7,15,0,1,5,3,4,7,4,4,6,92,28,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863545772327334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06855527913407006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12277845922118827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466164747041395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23582677259116824,0.0,0.0,0.08979108498267832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10172755748297103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12655007074021746,0.11372748286093455,0.0,0.10798034958904652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3119055899380094,0.0587563142866537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22206422462081407,0.1154175949105152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6073867546076622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18887810018352968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267189233566227,0.0,0.08673697938095605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259323988027325,0.0,0.17923396779105905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930290334558409,0.0,0.11254237781719842,0.0,0.0,0.17315619020385853,0.0,0.0,0.07960058767900792,0.11986863282022447,0.08981162741850407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12301425554077505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19659202103019816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25851511876949473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098582117936014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988918119154438,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cmk1718,2018/12/13,"Sleeplessly confused Wanting to sleep for an eternity but terrified of never waking up from my endless dreams. Dreams full of confusion that I'm left to either ponder or forget in the following day. Thoughts of the hidden lies I tell the world or the endless horrors I've lived. Thoughts of the never ending pain that I deemed fair in my life. But then that leads me to question. How are my horrors fair? How am I getting justice? I can't change my smile, only the intensity. I can't change my pale skin with the freckles, only the scars I put make up on to hide. I can't change my past and what others have taken from me. I can't change the fact that those memories are my horrors. Those my memories are my dreams. These memories give me comfort and pain. The catch 22 of my mind. They remind me that I've been used, abused, stolen, and deceived. In my dreams I'm lulled by the love I thought was there. Then I'm trapped in my unraveling prices to be loved. Show this, do that, please him, don't fight back; all to here the sweet words from poisonous touches. To get attention from wolves in too clean sheeps clothes. I never knew when the price was too much till it was too late. Too late meaning, my 11 year old mind not seeing myself being groomed. My 12 year old hunger being denied to stay 98 lbs. My 13 year old body not understanding that being molested was wrong. My 14 year old body was now the product of a 45 year old man and the countless nights he snuck in my room. Then my 15 year old emotions only wanting it to stop but too afraid to end it. End it, was what I wanted but it won't stay in my past. End the tears when he leaves, they only come more. End the long nights of his encounters, but they come just as frequently just in a different form. End the pain in my body, the feeling of his breath on my neck, the feeling of hands over my mouth. The end... but it won't. It won't since I've been told it was my fault. It won't since he will be seen as an amazing man, while he hides the fact he's a monster. It won't since he lives happy and my family has a new person to gossip about. So it won't. I don't think this will ever be fair or justified but it's the price I get to pay for wanting to be loved. 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I am a mother of a beautifu, healthyl 4 month old baby boy he's my miracle. Had a rough C-Section and on top of that I had CPS come into my life and take my baby away from me 3 days after having him. I used pot while pregnant because of the fact I couldn't hold any food down and had horrific migraines and all the medications that they were wanting to perscribe me could cause birth defects and I chose against it. I have mentally came to a real rough spot with everything. Was homeless at a point in time during this. My boyfriend is hard to be with sometimes and has been harsh since I stopped breastfeeding it was hard to produce milk while not being with him. I've lost so much since I moved to Texas but I did gain an angel he is my world. I just need prayers and guidence with all of this. My emotions are everywhere and hard to control. ",2.548509358288769,4.306662524064173,3.4183923796791436,91.37111798128343,76.16577540106951,6.600133689839572,26.126002673796787,7.413659706084162,1.155192780748663,720,27,156,9,16,229,122,187,0.133,0.7859999999999999,0.081,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,1,5,3,2,0,0,8,0,19,5,0,4,3,34,28,14,0,5,4,2,5,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,7,15,2,3,0,0,0,3,2,2,0,0,10,5,22,0,24,14,3,23,1,1,0,0,10,9,0,0,11,99,29,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033225247026039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427500265009358,0.0,0.0,0.09261952352192887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1737757114736304,0.0,0.1560813854560633,0.0,0.13088046786358848,0.0,0.0,0.17041051988360026,0.1213095127415165,0.0,0.0,0.09798694214493672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17090893050272093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365513829138301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837230983296736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40831773640070335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10184032074912512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731775694827612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16585743169695888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530607718815521,0.1531169890849659,0.0,0.0,0.17794704427554414,0.1212748452523354,0.1614852274131766,0.11169134417512587,0.22531905768284285,0.0,0.2934838417832286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15943256144185133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14362979023523392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17293782794136278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513680889705109,0.1707838093874183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15026980280865376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270263253080519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11423788609627865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859581907607808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13122498143500794,0.0,0.12536412466293054,0.08961651320988381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Activated_Raviolis,2018/12/13,"If justice was real. (TW: violent thoughts?) I wish he could properly be punished for what he did to me. I'm tired of paying the punishment for his crime for him. I'm tired of the nightmares I have of him, of freezing up when I remember how he used to look or sound or feel or smell. I'm so sick of feeling severely physically ill every day because of all this. I've had to take a lot of time off from work, spend time and money on treatment, deal with debilitating physical and emotional pain from what he's done to me. On the worst days, I'm bed ridden, I've lost weight because eating is hard on a lot of days. He fueled an eating disorder that I'm trying to recover from and it makes my lack of appetite from this stress even more complicated to deal with. It's unfair. I can't report him to the law, the police wouldn't be able to do anything. But I hope he's still truck driving. I hope when he steps on a truck one day, he gets into a one vehicle accident and no one else is harmed but him. I wish he could burn alive, trapped inside his truck and have a long, painful, horrible and awful death. Would it fix any of this? No. I'd still be suffering, and he still would have abused me and threw a giant wrench into my entire life. But right now he's happy and he has a bunch of friends and he gets to go have fun everyday. I'm scared of every new person that comes along because what if they're like him? I've cut contact and blocked him everywhere, but what if he still finds a way back? I can't deal with people touching me anymore. Sometimes I'll have someone at work touch me and each time it makes me feel physically sick. He's done all of this to me, and I'm enraged that he has gotten away with this unpunished. Everyday I find myself hoping that I'll hear that something bad has happened to him and that it will maybe be enough to make up for what he's done. But I don't think he'll ever have to pay for any of this. But that I will continue to do so. And it tears me apart to even think about.",3.965420634920637,4.2905992404761895,4.945714285714286,87.31039682539684,70.88095238095238,8.317460317460318,26.74603174603175,8.285830014693849,1.45029365079365,1571,47,352,22,27,515,196,420,0.221,0.6970000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9956,0,1,1,0,1,0,43.0,0,0,0,3,15,21,5,2,14,1,33,11,0,5,3,69,67,32,1,14,12,0,8,1,1,6,8,2,1,1,24,24,3,1,9,0,4,6,6,14,0,3,10,12,31,7,55,45,10,42,0,2,1,0,34,14,0,11,22,213,55,5,0.08442185972475058,0.10002609900916824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481951912350828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837238000165395,0.0,0.0,0.06947199734484233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931711620908757,0.06491519907792448,0.07048872656673026,0.15438834633850654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07272195693055053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348079710419329,0.0,0.0,0.21778046190505293,0.2611056912743908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675476521148732,0.0,0.0,0.2591786194261983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17276927687761012,0.07052363102359502,0.09496322931867422,0.0,0.08723034848126336,0.0,0.1115196842933522,0.07636440536371981,0.142258115806112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280586866096983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432010071495775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652241194058647,0.0,0.08821387464483732,0.0,0.04797888838409657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07465397174712365,0.08986863949509982,0.07562540417021421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951495715036702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2515498660512828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05962965617459435,0.041244256348665034,0.0,0.0,0.07471068925540662,0.07089309998010525,0.0,0.09215643251710537,0.14354489236742018,0.0,0.0,0.16905674073826574,0.0,0.08481310516269269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08153515818806946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161931101318018,0.0,0.1796616218616208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05852748782968579,0.07371391160872358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09609055866397576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563351001013268,0.07209580693173223,0.0,0.0,0.08452100909697978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953726717619656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0715303677854915,0.06499207209500885,0.08349537792914195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2696776249133908,0.0,0.0967049550830116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0634747320829369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1081882378126588,0.0,0.06702152660821256,0.14768119592434226,0.19406101759268649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057316901156692086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07291338122411943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670101427353885,0.0,0.10280308176331936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416194467528253,0.0,0.0,0.12292023867823006,0.0,0.0,0.11994173393395385,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Elli_duskeluska,2019/09/05,"Does anyone know how to overcome extreme trust issues? So, i have never posted to reddit before, but i really need some help on this. I have been wronged by the people in my life that i trusted the most as a child, so it’s not weird im struggling with this, but it just feels like an endless battle...i keep trying and trying and trying, but i keep having these major set-backs. No matter how much i change my thoughts, my body FEELS the danger and FEELS so intensely the distrust when i look at people. I cant go to a therapist because...well...no money. So if anyone has dealt with this and have any input or tips, i would love to hear. i just dont want to feel so alone with this...",3.3334285714285734,4.261256914285717,4.367142857142859,88.68785714285715,72.71428571428571,6.457142857142857,21.857142857142854,6.2581,0.3068714285714287,528,11,111,3,10,172,91,140,0.135,0.6970000000000001,0.168,0.6244,0,1,0,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,0,10,9,2,1,7,0,9,3,1,2,1,32,23,18,0,4,8,0,4,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,8,7,0,2,6,0,1,1,5,5,0,0,2,6,13,4,13,20,4,7,0,0,1,1,4,3,0,4,3,75,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16599568288230815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10899191779638286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22413482398893916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12324092794756153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13638149660274435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17802844903984624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16954879873524106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14025698842664194,0.0,0.18784010972953896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3241577030484612,0.1144998845338347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09108749276499324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18064061502528625,0.0,0.10742838407592817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17312358480353796,0.1672845717026413,0.0,0.2849180567214987,0.0,0.0,0.08808248111619803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11320637176710345,0.07830185375870068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13458991962944727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465367757918818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781994137233885,0.11884125113866845,0.12361330479754455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22222782993892065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.153498331497132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10267572431957186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16755334046230427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1860906408719812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272397720253959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3264468808213926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453384602325687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410570868640415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11385415742094505,0.1752346223841165,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Stressed_Deserts,2019/09/05,"Vet centric Discord server I started a discord server more geared towards veterans as a lot of vets have CPTSD I hope this post is allowed here as I have searched high and low on reddit for something more military geared and wasn't able to find it. Anyone interested in helping me get it going [https://discord.gg/wppAxf](https://discord.gg/wppAxf) Or message me here thanks. If this is not allowed my apologies mods.",6.716285714285713,10.135735771428571,5.672857142857144,72.20214285714287,69.85714285714286,6.285714285714287,32.85714285714286,7.447530270364453,2.531571428571428,344,16,50,4,7,103,54,70,0.1,0.758,0.142,0.4939,2,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,2,0,10,10,6,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,6,3,8,9,3,8,0,1,0,0,3,5,0,4,1,35,10,0,0.3323450826604241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323834092042345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30375738461279866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17363658865263976,0.0,0.1888793693713544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22276390337360574,0.3511408268419545,0.0,0.3300936562268211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2825479045052682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3182947205225509,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2558554815436669,0.0,0.0,0.23523556007780094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059787001436644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Anomalistic_Username,2019/09/05,"While sitting in a Starbucks, I recognized someone giving me glances. It was my 7th grade bully. I recognized him and all the terrible flashbacks came back. My anxiety rose when I recognized him. I don’t think he really recognizes me, because I have a buzzcut and am wearing glasses. I hate it when I have to encounter past people in my life from time to time. It fucks with my anxiety and confidence. I’m in the first year of college by the way. My mother called me and told me we were going home because she finished shopping. When I walked past him he gave me one more look and looked away. He was with his cousin as well.",3.148487332339794,5.291871926229511,4.114143070044708,85.32035022354697,75.63934426229507,7.7150521609538,29.12369597615499,8.575989854853784,2.3580065573770486,493,22,95,10,11,159,79,122,0.132,0.8059999999999999,0.062,-0.8271,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,1,0,0,1,5,4,2,0,5,0,7,3,1,0,1,11,18,10,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,3,9,0,0,1,1,1,3,1,3,1,2,6,3,24,1,12,12,2,21,0,0,3,1,15,4,1,0,12,66,27,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2999174465382037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18417210581941426,0.15073126060649786,0.0,0.2389902559760659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.200163621856296,0.22420057990080766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16673891475912148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812221167141919,0.0,0.1880452110444724,0.11140562505172487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1935342783065121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19662923467153912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845837912226605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32922355565686434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1328317325828051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3742564228392656,0.13589917532425844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557874740248198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16609149569133974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256050177765166,0.0,0.0,0.2286077133012675,0.0,0.0,0.1873104563592111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15559566066803165,0.0,0.0,0.17625017510527616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12623378655228756 ptsd,ikkle666,2019/09/05,PTSD with baths... Ok so this will sound weird but I get terrible PTSD when I have baths. It starts with tightening of my chest and difficulty breathing. It's worst when I put my head under water to wet my hair. I find it very difficult to do this and I often find myself avoiding bathing. I understand that's it's past dramatic experiences from when I was a child but how and what can I do to help this now?! I'm 20 year old female plz give me some advice,0.7808123791102517,3.130329808510641,2.5554932301740827,91.96136363636364,86.02127659574468,6.396905222437137,19.18375241779497,7.686295010490155,0.6263531914893616,358,10,79,7,11,118,65,94,0.213,0.72,0.066,-0.9496,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,1,1,6,5,4,1,0,14,11,10,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,1,3,1,9,5,1,1,3,3,0,1,0,5,0,0,1,3,13,1,8,9,2,10,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,2,8,51,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2234901000710193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22371959833271532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41806860800754747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11949011051981777,0.2193968561507252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.234719643994444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329766404929596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399898101522979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21832697070315787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5346931260425841,0.2299139785873993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618801848734682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23809233683257114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887074522649427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14727998525324684 ptsd,FlamingLips1021,2019/09/05,"Attempting to unlock my happiness with the help of supplements/drugs I have C-PTSD and OCD. My thoughts often wander into violent ruminations and manic homicidal idealations. Ill be sitting at my desk at my new job (that I really want to keep) and I'll randomly start thinking about a shitty friend that disrespected me 8 years ago, and the only thing that will be running through my mind is inflicting serious harm to him or others. Anyhow ... with that being said, ive experimented with various supplements/drugs that are relatively safe and I've narrowed down three things that allow me to feel normal and function in a professional setting: Marijuana concentrates Kratom St John's Wart I really enjoy marijuana concentrates (shatter, wax) and it makes the violence go away almost immediately, but it makes me feel slightly stupid at times. Kratom feels amazing while your body hasnt built a tolerance to it, and the comedowns can be horrific mentally at times St John's Wart is something I've been dabbling with and it seems to lose its effectiveness after a few days of consecutive use. But it helps with positivity. Any other suggestions?",8.737537313432838,9.638071970149255,8.847972636815918,61.46061567164179,60.641791044776106,12.869154228855724,38.14303482587064,12.311054993355176,5.374455721393034,930,43,142,31,12,305,135,201,0.146,0.735,0.11900000000000001,-0.7140000000000001,2,0,3,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,0,4,2,11,2,0,8,0,13,4,1,5,0,39,27,13,0,3,3,0,3,0,1,1,3,1,0,0,16,15,0,2,7,0,0,2,1,5,0,1,3,4,14,6,24,19,2,22,0,1,0,0,7,9,0,6,9,91,30,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14361819406335946,0.0,0.16223650822342892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017703840147323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15222019784044785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17996423645890575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10448748826666596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.375776302034783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15848360329182798,0.0,0.0,0.2457618171534432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12517384436616966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207793009947053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17246998803555402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21719300728066585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607767599228333,0.14400805266736713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1812554533263843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21629505922028394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327491449603626,0.0,0.1635908692241831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15647691826847013,0.0,0.0,0.15874214901908348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232211427040981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893890698493365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20758433193900516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1541151602554316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749408825401772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12472851441401014,0.0,0.0,0.11467638593798972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21527364007621885,0.10381387871213042,0.0,0.12862331016898573,0.18894669847936907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13993057041929907,0.0,0.0,0.09556175718461388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433356277078804 ptsd,rainy-novembers,2019/09/05,"I feel invalid Hi everyone. Long read ahead, sorry. I’m really new to asking for advice let alone posting things like this in general. to get to the point, i feel like i don’t deserve to call myself a PTSD sufferer and i’m often embarrassed to tell people i have it because they’ll either think i’m lying or exaggerating. i’ve had several concussions, one of them a freak accident (a foul baseball from another field came up over the fence and hit me in the back of the head while i was in the dugout) that left me in an almost vegetative stage for a few months and i still suffer the mental and cognitive consequences today. it’s gotten so bad to where i can’t play softball (my favorite sport) or go to baseball games with my dad (which we always used to do) because i become so afraid whenever i hear a ball hit a bat that i shut down and have several panic attacks in a row. I have the same reaction whenever something comes near my head, even when my friend threw a napkin in my direction. am i valid for feeling this way? i genuinely feel so stupid and emotional for having these reactions even though my psychiatrist told me that’s normal for people with PTSD. has anyone else felt this way? what should i do about the people that almost scoff at me once i tell them *why* i have PTSD? thank you so much in advance i appreciate it.",4.0813636363636405,5.566228045454547,5.246636363636366,80.95745454545455,71.57575757575758,8.764848484848486,26.45757575757576,9.255337874911486,2.1981384848484846,1060,35,205,23,20,351,160,264,0.14400000000000002,0.774,0.08199999999999999,-0.9574,0,1,1,0,1,0,24.0,1,1,3,2,13,14,2,3,17,0,16,3,2,1,0,29,38,15,0,2,3,1,5,2,1,2,0,1,0,0,14,11,1,1,6,5,0,5,2,9,0,1,7,6,33,5,32,26,4,34,0,2,0,0,15,16,0,5,11,137,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1056736110378753,0.0,0.0,0.21657411011097352,0.11200090850534973,0.0,0.0,0.0899815300113445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11339470671931065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07561432766973286,0.1108026860622182,0.0,0.0,0.1010967370867402,0.1230253908470752,0.0,0.08315334263816791,0.09029277142469258,0.1318428477437186,0.11943264766566385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042350581386792,0.12368388325788425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315343537197236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033748240613458,0.1216434680587458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14285151475563984,0.0,0.0,0.1033328487712365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21871627388150894,0.07725556995743965,0.10383180529642873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354905517147268,0.0,0.056498929741995024,0.0,0.06145871847996734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22196663167214545,0.0,0.12188216370748466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11749493187137128,0.11058095242352772,0.0,0.10566393783680987,0.0,0.0,0.09570090873373234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089801540283575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863166876147934,0.0,0.07949568473479507,0.0,0.0,0.10444273517102083,0.0,0.0,0.1059546955163904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11516606613152315,0.07327877792725987,0.0,0.0,0.12687953576552669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22491294727807845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222769371601607,0.0,0.10356867289086852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3792312505660955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816972956118964,0.0,0.06927755111191826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443358894677461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08325181338800837,0.0,0.12105439721846327,0.0,0.0,0.08636111521183172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18903906616458654,0.0995612112407222,0.0,0.0,0.07184371991914612,0.06929204358948755,0.10624745801509697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025045164915875,0.1033328487712365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09339864096478426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716737355274688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09757994968361253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Kalrath,2019/09/05,"Who's seen the black window? When depression's made itself at home in my head, on occasion I'll stop being able to perceive the future. I can't see myself in five years, ten years, a year; all long-term plans just generally fall apart because the concept of existing beyond the here and now just stops clicking. And every time it's happened, I've been struck with a mental image of trying to look out a window at night, where the glass is just pitch black and no matter how hard I peer I can never see anything through it. I'd heard that people with PTSD have issues with dealing with the future, and in conversation with a friend in a similar boat as me I happened to mention the black window. It apparently resonated with her, because she said she had been dealing with a basically identical scenario. That's made me idly curious about how prevalent it is, and of course whether anyone's found a good way to deal with it. In my case it always seems to be a side-effect of a bout of depression, it never comes around when I'm doing well, and I've never found anything to do about depression other than white-knuckle my way through one day at a time until it wanders away on its own. I've been blessed with relatively minor problems compared to some, but that particular one is a real annoyance for me.",10.555039370078738,7.10932292913386,9.971905511811027,68.80911811023623,59.86614173228347,12.67968503937008,40.36062992125984,10.355215969177356,4.0464862992125985,1040,38,193,16,10,337,149,254,0.071,0.884,0.045,-0.6059,1,1,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,0,1,15,9,1,0,18,0,14,1,1,4,4,42,29,14,0,1,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,15,18,0,2,4,0,0,2,5,5,1,4,11,11,14,4,43,16,3,38,1,3,8,0,12,16,0,2,18,134,29,0,0.11662964724784848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09704520951645236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0815501611300648,0.0,0.191952524390006,0.10382511297171368,0.0,0.0,0.10957739280257033,0.0,0.0,0.14219270089008038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046611400929303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07521647394487928,0.3607201353657197,0.3013588328264269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826550800175136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2557567766676447,0.09010777615133878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09782341465536099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20627042377189472,0.0,0.10447725553672182,0.0,0.11969566573033814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698904558977337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12173105039311075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321356769338144,0.0979395297609402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22071558442561945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753525284004199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.269855921841678,0.0,0.0,0.10944902323312652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806253474827436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08085631235955534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159882123827844,0.1363338163648068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13275007204730574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11094150245318599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1858774575304052,0.1061752505512308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19501521485820866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601537044199738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0791838747101771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1851503706442289,0.0,0.0,0.10486405953336714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253170069232772 ptsd,bigoldoingus,2019/09/05,"Venting, TW/CW s*icide I am 22, she/her, an art student, a mother to an incredible 1 year old, and a partner. I am having a hard time convincing myself to stick around. Only my partner and siblings know I was diagnosed with PTSD, no one knows I’m suicidal. I feel like it’s a burden on everyone to mention it, because then they’d have to check up on me and the like. I’m afraid to tell any healthcare professionals/my therapist in case they report me and my son gets taken away. Then I’d really probably do it, so it’s a vicious circle of being quiet about where I am mentally. I was taking Lexapro and it sent me into a derealization episode and since then I’ve been absolutely miserable. My perception of time is completely thrown off and it feels like everyday goes by way too fast and everything is a blur. I look at my son and I have to focus really hard because it feels like any moment he’d fade from my vision. I am at my wits end and I don’t know what to do. I cry myself to sleep every now and then. I feel so alone even when I’m showered with all the love I get. I am privileged in a lot of ways yet nothing seems to matter anymore. I feel hopeless. I’m afraid I’ll never get better. Every night I go to sleep I pray I’d wake up and I would feel real again and things would look real again and I’d be happy & all my trauma would go away. I want to be a good mom so badly, I want to be around for him, I just don’t wanna live most days. Thanks for letting me vent.",1.6864560407052451,3.2690105079872214,3.9732836350727747,87.22379008401373,78.10543130990416,7.065152053011477,22.774701218790675,7.921354282810032,1.06593323866998,1151,35,251,19,27,399,169,313,0.12,0.762,0.11800000000000001,-0.1487,1,1,0,0,0,1,34.0,0,0,2,1,15,19,1,3,13,0,27,5,3,0,3,46,55,22,1,6,1,4,8,4,2,3,1,1,1,2,9,19,0,0,11,1,1,3,4,8,0,1,5,11,38,11,37,40,4,41,1,2,2,1,14,15,0,4,25,159,47,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052802659490192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11013932476113687,0.0,0.1382529701092582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081094320443164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809827184811383,0.0,0.0,0.19100980356156855,0.0,0.08487473106891433,0.12393158465559895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990246417608537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657963179714616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165936608826804,0.06555678842756801,0.0,0.0,0.10317410182156496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003303024478003,0.0,0.0,0.0671398369236248,0.0,0.17129149453400752,0.09713233530945806,0.09135778628475504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3083882236614705,0.21785949041941413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15932609195187206,0.0,0.11554174538053512,0.08526042981652361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082098795110866,0.1821195006225128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1675949677065573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1039455146873988,0.0,0.19864709358404226,0.0,0.08976010993210179,0.0,0.1707232656489229,0.0,0.0,0.08642044429946771,0.09174441998493524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1024407726007198,0.0,0.0,0.119052972544319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839987991223654,0.0,0.0,0.09539301809010857,0.0,0.09753732656482768,0.0,0.10666611764911338,0.0,0.06888166651105815,0.07731052316464569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1095974769061858,0.0,0.11882512814280917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23140325331727704,0.13024106862510226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09253968009364433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840871460286374,0.0,0.20344976200181472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11119020895956452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642925440156043,0.0,0.08884786483500395,0.0935870158332604,0.0,0.11802519090521288,0.06753271951801419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854757867934272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11991334084957532,0.16137241004549716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21663086228291528,0.0,0.0,0.06546021359995685 ptsd,StumpedLump,2019/09/05,"Has anyone's appetite actually increased after PTSD? TW: ED I had an eating disorder as a teenager that ran until I was around 21. It went from restricting myself at 14 to only eating \~1000 calories a day to binging and purging weekly for the next 8 years. 6 months before my trauma, I decided to end it. I started eating more and healthier and lifting weights instead of the \~80 minutes of cardio a day I was doing. I felt amazing. Then the trauma happened, and fitness was one of the interests I lost when the depression and PTSD hit. I couldn't sleep and had a very busy schedule, so I relied on (mainly junk) food to get me through all-nighters and long shifts. This turned to a comfort thing where I would down Ben and Jerry's and blame my depression. I couldn't even go back to doing cardio because an elevated heart-rate felt like a panic attack. Unsurprisingly, I gained 15 pounds, which is a lot on my 5'1 body. It's been a year and some months, and I'm safe again. I have my degree, a job, my own apartment, and stability. Yet all I want to do is lose this weight I gained. I associate it with the worst year of my life and everything in me wants to just go back to the ""old me"" before the trauma and, in hand, the weight gain. Yet I'm so scared this restriction is going to lead to my eating becoming disordered again. I have tried dieting, but I can't get myself to use calorie tracking apps and when I get too hungry I just...eat. I don't think about my allotted macros for the day or if I'm above or below my protein goal or if the food I'm eating ""fits in my macros"" anymore. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy eating with no restrictions and I still have my daily fruits and veggies. I'm also still very into weight-lifting and go to the gym 6 days a week still. I guess I just don't have the passion to diet and exercise like I used to for weight loss, though. I hear all the time about people with PTSD not eating and withering away because of the traumatic event they had to endure. Has anybody else experienced the opposite, though- relying on food to cope? It's hard for me to relate to most stories about PTSD because so many talk about experiencing nausea and an inability to eat - but the only thing I cared about after my trauma was eating. Maybe my history of heavy restriction caused my appetite increase after the trauma as a way of preventing myself from going down that path again. I don't know.",4.569245903713547,5.557475260960338,5.5168381096982335,81.36266400961603,69.87682672233821,8.31127981274119,27.876320617447966,8.575989854853784,1.9708894919972155,1906,64,370,30,33,627,235,479,0.13,0.7879999999999999,0.08199999999999999,-0.9675,1,0,0,0,0,0,60.0,0,0,1,8,30,24,1,2,32,0,28,27,3,4,2,63,60,40,0,7,10,0,8,2,0,1,4,1,0,0,13,26,19,6,5,2,0,10,9,15,0,1,13,12,52,9,61,43,12,64,0,5,0,1,3,17,0,10,38,252,65,3,0.0,0.0,0.05753134622028059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04714610419482308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846728516794297,0.04122254238819287,0.0,0.0,0.05248223990151642,0.0,0.067069556065729,0.0553899423005104,0.09066515030309234,0.0,0.10781483246337842,0.06511090599702116,0.10033232542122504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548545340916287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06010831194984252,0.060562783394918634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520837846310569,0.0,0.10155530525096536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13513453636504485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6032544257109103,0.049249141167992436,0.0,0.05221642300460277,0.0,0.0,0.038939066204175685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05298474127150071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11321163930120925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21386500721283386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320572557886758,0.0,0.16752675754323856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06494532016191208,0.0,0.05213350390446175,0.0,0.052811889458999416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644630474982834,0.06986168026864636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058503507298835015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032399996991532704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041641493951990585,0.057604640424843714,0.0,0.0,0.05217311174273642,0.0,0.06595530188394967,0.06435609013176033,0.050121232879955735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977087829750576,0.059227985406136475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411426177193948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06269906130377882,0.05532505315811727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06186310850897695,0.0,0.0399492744609907,0.08967551062753068,0.0,0.06917071410240491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040871810888009764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756598611781497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059024004411878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0589973413312302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04172848603832576,0.0,0.1412440542245154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04738560686389988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833385235210992,0.037775832862103516,0.1158455143791018,0.0,0.0343769975178131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0400264154781448,0.06412585492981712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018359761918922,0.0,0.09728771057829813,0.06954609561261066,0.046795548263224386,0.0945799126205118,0.3589551057412565,0.0,0.05465165770952474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04187977349372987,0.06445778054966321,0.0,0.11389480707293555 ptsd,throwaway10000378338,2019/09/05,"PTSD from drug use? I’ve never posted here before so I’m not sure how to warn anyone beforehand, but I don’t want anyone to get triggered by this post so please be careful. About a year ago I had a terrible LSD trip. It started off fine, but a few hours later I was still hallucinating heavily. I had tripped before and it was never this intense. I had the worst fear, anxiety, and paranoia I’ve ever experienced in my life. I was so scared my friends and I would get caught, which when I think about it now wouldn’t have been so horrible, but in my mind it was. For about 3 days after that I had terrible anxiety, but I was glad that it was over. A few days later I ended up taking mdma which also gave me terrible fear and anxiety. About a month after all this, I was doing okay, but then I smoked weed with some friends and got to high, and had what felt like a flashback to the acid trip. I was so terrified and after that, I got depersonalization. Now, whenever I hear a song or see a picture from around that time, I panic. I start hearing my heartbeat, I start shaking, I start sweating, and I just can’t calm down. It’s the worst thing ever. I’m not diagnosed with ptsd because last time I told my psychiatrist about my drug use he ridiculed me, and I just wanted to avoid that. Is it possible to even get PTSD from something like this? I hope I don’t offend anyone, because I know there are people who have gone through much much worse, and I don’t want to sound like a jerk.",3.856866002214844,4.755789282392031,4.897009966777407,85.48267995570325,71.45847176079735,7.99246954595792,26.293466223698783,8.269060116576782,1.4931280177187152,1158,36,246,17,21,380,153,301,0.24600000000000002,0.622,0.132,-0.9925,0,1,4,0,0,0,36.0,0,0,0,0,24,26,3,6,12,1,26,5,1,4,6,45,55,25,0,6,10,0,1,3,2,2,4,4,0,0,21,13,0,1,3,1,0,6,9,14,0,0,21,8,35,12,30,31,8,44,0,0,1,0,8,8,0,3,31,171,56,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08648140002703075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07801900931122324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22390029588589289,0.0,0.0,0.2046494810128892,0.0,0.0,0.08684943185612935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11894381747271975,0.0,0.16603341389371426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09946932052577992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12583676225064838,0.0,0.0,0.0990217430776764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2262781600123139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640954883059479,0.0,0.0,0.06443771803922474,0.1764979179143451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21956512620781668,0.0,0.0,0.09367327472361724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15074983191581276,0.0,0.1529138326797718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15605591374027225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199153019113073,0.0,0.0,0.10307790936498767,0.0,0.09689948128367366,0.0960773329382264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05361663938382345,0.07952473975066103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0689097892574195,0.14298923700367092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09850818341236646,0.0,0.07787177319213281,0.0,0.14343622542717455,0.0,0.15048917565410827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11446609809622554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06763609101318567,0.0,0.0,0.10709201231239003,0.0,0.10998468195975604,0.18687177249340312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3421286282814985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09767497078372908,0.0,0.07774300031715654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0751067552420034,0.0,0.0,0.27621498712293363,0.0,0.07791185415278644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09194951379170094,0.0,0.07335327237506249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06481478862801067,0.06251275913761059,0.0,0.0,0.11377649692330948,0.0,0.0,0.09322313431118737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16852170736951727,0.0,0.0,0.17263093866900958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942237308851824,0.06930410251199531,0.0,0.0,0.06282569306118169 ptsd,i-needadvice301,2019/09/05,"I need opinions I’m 19 years old, I have been raped sexually assaulted from the age of six have had a very bad home life have had relentless bullying and have had other awful things happen to me my entire life, I’m poor I’m i moved back to my birth place alone from the age of 17 away from old family I have random spouts or deep sadness and hopelessness and suicidal thoughts, I have no money what’s so ever and can’t afford a doctor. I’ll go into more details if needed but I can’t listen to songs that have anything to do with my past even if they have nothing to do with my trauma it pains me to look at old pictures even if they are happy times I can’t look at my old art or drawings because the past is so painful even if they are nothing to do with it. It’s unbearable if I hear certain words it brings me back. I know this isn’t a medical page or anything I need help I feel hopeless this is a last resort I need advice or opinions do you think it’s possible I suffer with ptsd ? I’m saving to go to the doctor I just need insight I feel insane, nobody feels like I do please help me.",0.6549785407725324,2.777520300429188,2.680851502145924,92.44215278969959,84.1931330472103,5.444738197424893,20.049613733905574,6.742157984588678,0.2669520686695277,862,25,188,10,25,289,121,233,0.192,0.718,0.09,-0.9689,1,1,0,0,0,2,9.0,0,1,3,0,9,14,2,0,8,1,25,8,0,0,2,39,48,16,1,10,11,0,3,1,0,0,7,3,1,0,11,9,0,0,7,2,2,4,5,10,0,1,5,8,29,4,22,43,2,25,0,4,2,1,8,6,0,12,16,121,40,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10334853230984953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10953661370811776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17406476361091952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09936604395223753,0.16264753014321662,0.08830610890722831,0.06447099079911521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21650195440265904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20956264638684524,0.09566697860969996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09970216167350628,0.0,0.16042798440353773,0.07555575786087783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021295175145098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352419997569048,0.11258466783459227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192004570507446,0.0,0.14177888489010118,0.0,0.10608701620550934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05812353996771244,0.08620942010614054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14940439893659907,0.051669535971471066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17762539096766647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065431913320591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240732207268338,0.0,0.3921026135298709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2029612741903146,0.0,0.4439139745461261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22507455474518007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2019218925460833,0.0,0.0,0.11049784947198713,0.11609393892262394,0.0,0.11922976022351653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362907751866045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11568548822650628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0702629818021684,0.0677674486126621,0.0,0.08396250742578927,0.06167015354102472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08726399165473275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06810668709577047 ptsd,polkadots2,2018/11/30,"Anyone diagnosed with PTSD after auto accident? Anyone ever do EMDR therapy? (Share your experience) TL;DR: have PTSD & anxiety a few months after auto crash where a driver blew a red light. Feeling confused and alone, haven't told people I'm close with. &#x200B; A few months ago a driver blew a red light & totaled my car. I'm still in physical therapy over muscle tears but I was lucky to have been conscious and not break any bones. &#x200B; I had a mild concussion for a few weeks and the first month was awful. I have so much driving anxiety and fear intersections. I'm jumpy around fast moving things and feel a fight or flight response (adrenaline rush) over small things (like some car whizzes past me fast to my right or left, or a biker just speeds past on the sidewalk while i'm stopped in traffic). &#x200B; I still have absolutely horrifying nightmares and have trouble trusting drivers on the street (whether I'm in someone's car or I'm the driver). I cope with music and talking to myself and trusting that I have over a decade of driving experience never having caused problems or gotten tickets. In my head I sometimes see the other driver's speeding car right before it hit me and hear all the crash sounds, over and over. &#x200B; My doctor said i have anxiety, and with my doctor and lawyer's recommendations I finally got a therapist. I just had my first appointment (they ask a lot of questions!) and was told that we should start EMDR therapy in 2 weeks or so if I feel comfortable. &#x200B; Aside from feeling alone in this, I am too nervous to tell my friends and significant other that I'm seeing a therapist and have been diagnosed with auto related PTSD. I have been acting different according to my BF - less social, overthinking things CONSTANTLY, more sad, less interested in things, and I'm secretly worried that I will have PTSD and anxiety for the rest of my life. I am not taking pills for this, and want my life to be normal again. &#x200B; Do you have any similar experiences or advice to share? :(",6.589841269841268,7.783940291005294,6.602038095238098,74.65962857142857,65.40211640211639,9.645883597883598,33.109417989417985,9.791249743138472,3.3218470687830686,1642,68,278,34,25,522,189,378,0.156,0.7559999999999999,0.08900000000000001,-0.9742,1,2,0,0,2,0,72.0,1,2,1,2,11,16,1,3,21,1,28,9,2,1,4,61,53,31,0,5,14,0,4,1,2,2,7,3,0,0,13,26,0,1,7,1,0,9,4,7,0,2,13,13,32,9,36,36,12,59,0,1,4,0,19,23,0,13,27,186,45,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420397813726932,0.04917020590705242,0.0,0.0,0.11489897499201313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4808078857815602,0.4044077758767463,0.07544208029854041,0.0,0.16973551380864565,0.0,0.0,0.07757087741433401,0.0,0.0,0.04937945553542882,0.05185632697679704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04720030634363613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056982272009788636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05994262975879841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1126003856293435,0.0,0.05795363401037916,0.0,0.11355040019276008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05017517618413809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277891789907062,0.0,0.06241840709257635,0.11218782069905016,0.0,0.0,0.06076392942606415,0.0,0.09436435157476036,0.0,0.0,0.04285545951752183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044363882922940766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05692752586096441,0.0,0.06251795573216185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026757916045005,0.0,0.07835924316072244,0.02709950819392092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04715803279396877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13282524754482467,0.058955109394582476,0.04077633304144089,0.0,0.04278135964139259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05434815696089915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059034860426445,0.03845544268278494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05307664854304742,0.2593626698001436,0.0,0.06213833385074651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474099346960617,0.05276402626128869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840373380245507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05654398696124958,0.046998975361083134,0.0,0.0548605764452956,0.0,0.039261470637626736,0.0,0.08859574220804338,0.04637483579452766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041706025868112416,0.04458413877810971,0.04848263113580206,0.0,0.19030200700283656,0.1288083130870165,0.14740540748254513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060066258860094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0327172424653541,0.0,0.08898828629557716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563317876399087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4044077758767463,0.0 ptsd,cd4funCA,2018/11/30,Am I being overly sensitive? I am a survivor of child molestation from age 10 until 16 and I am now 50 years old. I have been getting treatment for 2 and a half years. I was communicating with one of the few family members that I have shared my trauma with. I had texted my Aunt saying I am having the same symptoms but they are not happening as often. My Aunt responded “I remind myself to not live in the past”. I feel like she is telling me to get over it. It has been 34 years should I just get over it? I am feeling very badly about this and I cant help but question myself.,1.2325000000000017,3.2899092500000044,3.256666666666668,89.525,81.5,6.0,20.833333333333336,7.1686216300943375,0.5535833333333335,450,13,96,6,12,152,82,120,0.102,0.825,0.073,-0.6412,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,0,4,5,1,0,5,0,18,1,0,0,0,16,24,7,0,1,5,2,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,1,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,0,3,3,0,2,4,3,21,2,15,18,2,12,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,2,9,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19443208110680346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195238701480144,0.0,0.23548651587339497,0.16635840285891831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3649861771893408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059212557335758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608412593031748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376580321651596,0.0,0.20562356728180495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24435205834420726,0.0,0.15779497149717636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22229545766762732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2608614669491307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18518314962127516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24203531593543465,0.0,0.0,0.20353378495820396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1921375509925519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44987119486486377 ptsd,Dreamy_Thief,2018/11/30,"Unsure how to move on... I have many issues aside from PTSD, one of them is abandonment issues. For the past two years now I have wanted nothing more but to get back with my ex fiance. She left me and everyday since I have wanted nothing more but to call and plead with her to come back. I know that she won't and I have been stuck like this daily. Any tips? Cause right now I am sick of these thoughts, I haven't been able to heal because of them. I should note also that because she left me my fear of outside bloomed in to full blown agoraphobia. So going out isn't really an option that is easy for me.",2.6049599999999984,4.034530976000004,3.3506,93.3043,75.24000000000002,6.28,20.5,6.742157984588678,0.09884000000000047,472,10,106,4,10,149,80,125,0.11599999999999999,0.8290000000000001,0.055,-0.7814,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,2,0,7,3,0,1,2,0,13,2,0,2,0,18,21,8,0,3,2,1,0,1,0,2,2,0,0,0,5,7,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,2,0,2,4,0,19,1,18,15,3,17,0,1,0,0,8,7,0,1,8,74,24,0,0.1713278178693921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13701079405111716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1165087912323986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.263481033013001,0.0,0.2088796951317372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749448576430437,0.0,0.0,0.17600086337133147,0.0,0.14758374469273094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19279142707173053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951171354184903,0.0,0.0973695471462877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3576434589822599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415728809149723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3722963508270479,0.0,0.0,0.08370211770863092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17369951635522787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18209435650118255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3287873239649641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609616338707728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355178830301192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2002730507274141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975698722663743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631302034116814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1417241413943797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13601514988533242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16736238315278906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021071718601299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11032949750473196 ptsd,Bigdaddyjen69,2018/11/30,"Trouble being intimate (nsfw) So I’ve been with my boyfriend almost two years now. He’s absolutely everything I could ever want in a partner and he’s so great and comforting and wonderful. Due to past trauma sex is really weird for me, though. He has a pretty high sex drive and I have a pretty low one, but i think it’s more due to the anxiety around sex. Like I still get aroused and I like it when we actually do have sex, it’s just the initiation makes me so nervous. Any advice on how to get over the initial fear?",1.1157232704402524,3.4815719245283065,3.3285849056603776,86.93143081761008,84.47169811320755,6.929559748427672,22.040880503144656,8.07648339933343,1.3357069182389951,408,14,85,9,12,139,73,106,0.147,0.684,0.16899999999999998,0.3703,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,1,0,0,0,11,10,0,2,6,0,8,5,1,2,1,18,14,12,0,2,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,8,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,0,2,1,0,9,4,9,11,1,15,0,1,0,5,5,6,0,2,10,54,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.19948207606063406,0.0,0.0,0.19975449891449845,0.0,0.0,0.20469468402837668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13901096805974658,0.0,0.156378893551765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18197499032581627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16321080857821302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184907409401337,0.0,0.0,0.18371734511313464,0.0,0.0,0.2300266153942275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21359950301636985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253711099015249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21597840260569526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997362136925519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13645032578925193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385186464450445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19513971589108867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4159323482291281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.130955139816551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16324814800408066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1309825349019129,0.2008392400742136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19968627820066054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057078832812396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22168215183089252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13163822310271545 ptsd,throwptsdaway166737,2018/11/30,"Milestones being hit every day for my gf Last year I started dating the best girl ever. Our relationship is perfect outside the bedroom. But the bedroom is improving greatly. She used to panick when we planned sex, oral, etc, or if I asked. Now she is confident. She would dissociate mid sex and I would have to comfort her, now she enjoys it and looks forward to it. She would have breakdowns/dissociate if she came in contact with any fluids now she just asks me to to clean it off her. I used to not be able to touch her on the vagina, now I can. She has overcome her trauma and still does every day. She emailed her school (the place the sexual assault happened for 6 months while teachers abused her and watched) and put everything out there, the police called and she explained what happened a few years ago without disassociating or feeling like she was going to vomit, this was the first time I saw this. She reclaimed her body and her mind. I couldn't be more proud. I'm going to marry this powerful woman. To all of you suffering from PTSD, it does get better with love and care. Good luck",4.6005,6.248311180952385,4.868750000000002,83.53312500000001,70.52380952380952,7.154761904761906,28.36309523809524,7.645422480735847,1.6791666666666667,868,32,163,10,16,273,134,210,0.07200000000000001,0.743,0.185,0.9803,1,0,0,0,1,0,25.0,2,1,0,7,9,15,1,0,9,0,16,6,2,2,3,34,35,15,0,6,8,0,2,1,1,3,1,0,3,2,8,13,0,0,2,0,0,5,3,3,0,1,4,5,32,12,21,23,5,30,0,1,3,4,34,7,0,5,21,116,40,1,0.13670386209553026,0.1619717226022479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12117972550863465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09296331400013794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2555993147888354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1434622693111996,0.12090345690197805,0.0,0.15184717310844525,0.0,0.0,0.13958992760760175,0.15635279991288628,0.13937869824120447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17632536364654924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23926094190173705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15246094227048848,0.0,0.12365646970921387,0.2303577996094205,0.0,0.12286061653554947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912158016696918,0.09766126639577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162802352632577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142212570108042,0.0,0.15538391034125618,0.11466071365492395,0.0,0.15071649056735048,0.0,0.0,0.24177354755927946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114318932292796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06678660184108211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11479681441279192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338057281633655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380319308259776,0.0,0.10911571849373193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282643995595612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15979949927899406,0.13742513926607586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676878789838754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383516067115552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09675969720213308,0.0,0.10917188085706797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971312133124145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23613648986836025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317776447713961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29133150422174825,0.0,0.0,0.17606561035469215 ptsd,insert_deep_username,2018/11/30,"To the man on the bus this morning You'll probably never read this but I feel like there's no other way for me to hope to reach out to you and apologize to you. I'm not even sure if the reason why you have a service dog is due to ptsd but the way you flinched and had to catch your breath after I asked to take a picture of your service dog from where I was sitting made me think that might have been why you have a service dog in the first place. I thought it was fine to talk to you since I saw you talking off the bus earlier but I didn't think about how I was behind you, and how I might have startled you, or how in retrospect you already looked stressed. From the way your dog tasked a few seconds after what I did, I seem to have made it much worse. I'm so sorry and I can only hope this reaches you somehow. I'm incredibly embarrassed and the last thing I wanted to do was to make your day worse. I hope it gets better.",4.775002284148017,3.985285924623121,5.340831429876658,88.99333028780269,69.15075376884423,8.442393787117405,28.643672910004568,7.348242739294969,1.2920110552763815,725,21,171,6,11,234,107,199,0.11699999999999999,0.764,0.12,-0.0765,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,16,0,2,9,10,0,3,12,0,19,1,1,7,2,33,39,14,0,5,6,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,0,1,10,6,0,0,6,1,0,1,4,3,0,2,12,3,31,7,26,24,2,19,0,0,2,0,21,7,0,9,8,122,41,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14726112494745372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12475411946310655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802225931875432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08606171538022511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08813991158794908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747437391804333,0.0953339433239228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350921165978205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0697200961542703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3976263579692032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877640835156814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06519503944289312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11206114156502486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525399132740241,0.08907632929819198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28313051534845146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09809826148688676,0.0,0.10292188364757322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10149179665570852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13942280531914686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14387750056292478,0.0,0.15599138706350735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13348224436155942,0.0,0.0,0.13720484905935978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148434663476007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038801933758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14938201931452147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286209327336353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12577140008623633,0.0,0.10033488364515243,0.21451789201239596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08865568044769945,0.17101378606094542,0.0,0.10594132268520724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870998609007758,0.31776998439073245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2408287557211378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719860181439632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,RedditSucksEnormousD,2018/11/30,"(tw rape) songs that capture that ""descending into hell"" feeling. https://youtu.be/NrpIJFm9JTE "" I have found some kind of temporary sanity in this shit blood and cum on my hands"" Specifically from the 3 minute mark to the four minute mark on that song, I just keep replaying and reliving that same part over and over. ",9.811666666666667,10.321421277777779,7.818888888888887,71.065,58.444444444444436,12.385185185185184,32.814814814814824,11.855464076750405,3.8999703703703705,255,8,44,7,3,75,43,54,0.152,0.823,0.026000000000000002,-0.8537,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,0,0,0,0,1,4,3,0,2,0,1,4,3,0,0,10,4,3,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,5,4,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,4,3,1,9,3,3,6,1,0,0,1,0,6,2,1,0,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2144607423756735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46505372084647795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3770000674738983,0.0,0.44168233782975375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.459308315418024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4353793284806911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,20EschatoniC,2018/11/30,"Help with my ptsd process, how to go from here. Hi, I would like some insights on how to handle my ptsd. I don't want to go into the full story but I want to give you a short overview. I've been bullied from the age of 5 till 14 and sexually harassed. My father died when I was 15, my mother almost died a half a year later. Till this day she is still sick. She is the best mum ever and supported me 24/7 but her coping with my father's death and her own physical and mental struggle got a grip on me I think. 5 years ago I had an accident where I lost 3 fingers and had an intense surgery and recovery period. In the 4 years following I had an intensive court case to try and get a future economic loss compensation because I was a dental technician and wouldnt be able to do my job properly in the future. I've had a long period of alcohol and drug abuse in because of this. So I started my healing journey 3 years ago. Trying to quit all drugs and alcohol. I've been off hard drugs for 2 years now and maybe drank just a few Times (which wasn't a good idea afterwards). Quitting alcohol was the best I could have done. The last thing to handle was my marijuana use, it helped me cope sometimes but made things worse overall I noticed. Implementing a healthy nutricious diet was a big change aswell. I started running, yoga and dancing, as a form of exercise which helped immensely. I only found out that what I had was PTSD a few months ago, I wasn't aware of it being this before. I just knew I had to change my behaviour to feel better. I was very hypervigilent these years but in the last 5/6 weeks I quit resisting the hyperarousel and negative self talk and became very aware. The big waves and panic attacks are over now and my mind is getting calmer overtime. Meditating a lot, resting a lot and exercising when I feel like it. I've been crying a lot since then and feeling better everytime and feeling I'm making progression every day. I haven't had a routine, job or home/safe place since 3 years since I was travelling (which also wasn't very helpful I guess) I came back home 6 months ago and started to create my own safe space here which helped a lot but was also very chaotic and stressful. So I started to slow down a bit a 2 months ago, going step by step. I would like to start a new job and do something I love again. The last period was just super hard work and would like to feel strong and happy again. After the accident I lost my ability to play the guitar which was also a big loss, I want to start making music again so I'm going to start playing piano, I feel this will help getting out of my head and focus on something different. I'm so tired of talking and thinking and feeling... And want to start doing, but I'm a bit stuck in how to go from here. It feels like I'm at the end of my process and coming back to my core self. I have really clear moments and moments of euphoria, But that scary, anxious feeling is still on the background sometimes and tries to come back and get a grip on me. Although the frequency and intensity are deminishing, The feeling of dissociation from myself and my loved one after a trigger leaves me confused and scared sometimes. And leaves me with negative self talk afterwards. Any tips on how to go from here, where you think I am in the process, what to do, and what not to do. Thanks! ",5.113792440743115,5.5359090478325905,5.861604740550933,81.40830717488792,68.38714499252616,9.002220798633354,29.97939355114243,8.976282227363876,2.2927115524236608,2639,94,530,44,42,864,289,669,0.177,0.6809999999999999,0.142,-0.9823,4,0,8,0,1,0,64.0,0,2,0,15,33,31,2,5,46,0,49,17,2,9,3,106,110,63,3,9,12,4,15,5,0,5,11,0,1,3,21,46,5,1,17,8,0,16,9,11,0,2,34,15,62,20,68,68,17,107,0,4,0,2,26,28,0,9,68,346,83,4,0.0509897258728204,0.0604144872576147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259965772112203,0.1634775299766088,0.05105884501098745,0.0,0.0,0.12232939607524175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034674762105722165,0.0,0.0,0.057603876587847484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05800817429616384,0.0,0.11762385536476805,0.0,0.062165727245092874,0.0,0.043388501147003926,0.0,0.10702114297486233,0.09019253779677648,0.1113351488598046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05831866258054079,0.0,0.0,0.1078807379541414,0.08784626780110362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04071114703769088,0.0,0.05600981957822198,0.06576830982638994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058385704329522,0.05327341092716036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052180192822592,0.0,0.0,0.1773956815377132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04516176257085672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04612312626886416,0.042961043216695256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.257819374711373,0.07285414070354372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05590760256989427,0.0,0.0,0.1065601089808943,0.04891399129137426,0.17387181763330614,0.042767762870963455,0.04078114178059967,0.0,0.05617093168143681,0.0,0.0,0.05427951134171723,0.09135355795840028,0.0,0.05233016928178418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20506403061155706,0.0,0.10229370499713104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057561194019649674,0.0,0.0,0.15179830525500412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246902962832124,0.0,0.10798151472822254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12455502235460705,0.0,0.0,0.045124302844347305,0.0,0.0,0.11132261825989187,0.1733985661088773,0.09204043674406556,0.04824771150085638,0.06807207592363587,0.0,0.05122603312422073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0513856507682864,0.0,0.051485087594630816,0.0,0.12209853816397367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049246194985063066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0580521408638336,0.0,0.0,0.03455195787590079,0.03877998421132648,0.0,0.059825456961578136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05327341092716036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17881278271032006,0.0,0.0,0.16270154974548948,0.0,0.0,0.03266532406068022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051049610828291785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15958021359406654,0.0,0.0,0.12653768446585598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850876421902638,0.15129042807640178,0.0,0.2887263233236884,0.0,0.08144092189629683,0.0,0.05840855871101505,0.05330553253869147,0.0,0.0,0.05786253666488726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229508306002558,0.0,0.04694448889797048,0.0,0.0,0.06775061633146902,0.09801647239323366,0.0,0.0,0.029732519204955007,0.058605188999115564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385603044240116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04403875173088985,0.0,0.16828745568466202,0.12030024567213138,0.0,0.040900882442324864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03712112772011741,0.0,0.051962886838555065,0.10866491488003883,0.0,0.0,0.2298499818878587 ptsd,lostinalphabetsoup,2018/11/30,"Tis the Season & Now Fireworks Are Coming TW: discussion of fireworks and dissociation. \-----\*------- For the past 7 years I have done my best to avoid fireworks as they are a trigger for my PTSD. I'm not a vet; I just happened to be an unlucky traveler who got caught near a mortar shell bombardment. I moved to a new place in what seemed to be a quiet neighborhood just before the 4th of July. Two days leading up to it there were some fireworks going off a few blocks away. They were unpleasant, but I went through my exercises to maintain my calm. As fireworks are illegal in our area, I called the local police's firework specific line who told me there was nothing they could do. *(side rant: then what's the point of this specific number?!)* On the night of the 4th, I learned that two of my neighbors one to the SE and the other to the SW had managed to get a hand on *(semi?)* professional grade firework. Which they set off in the middle of the street. For hours. I'm talking starting at about 8/9pm and going until maybe 3am. At some point a cartridge or something landed on my roof. I completely shut down and lost myself to dissociation. I could not walk. I could not talk. I could not move. I could only scream. It felt like I was screaming forever. That I would die screaming. My SO told me I sustained a constant sound for about 5+ minutes straight before going ""eerily silent, but still screaming."" I'm not sure how long it took me to snap back to reality. That hazy feeling that something still isn't quite right stuck with me for days. This is the first time in years, I had it this bad. Now it's another holiday season with the promise of fireworks, and I have no idea how I'm going to survive this one. Thanks for letting me vent. If you have any suggestions on how to survive/deal with fireworks, please let me know. ",2.6015569823434994,4.941869685393262,3.4583178170144464,88.38459550561797,78.26966292134831,6.0910433386837886,25.339967897271265,7.225922671290522,1.1811122953451043,1432,54,282,18,35,455,195,356,0.11599999999999999,0.795,0.08800000000000001,-0.9084,0,1,2,0,0,0,69.0,1,1,4,6,15,13,0,1,24,0,26,2,1,5,1,42,51,17,1,7,11,0,3,1,1,1,1,6,1,0,19,9,0,2,6,3,0,13,7,7,0,5,16,9,36,6,52,25,4,64,0,1,0,0,16,28,0,5,23,195,55,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119262888548451,0.0,0.07024803312099663,0.10831981370812033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09705442853360867,0.07943187865082213,0.08625178778514371,0.0,0.0,0.17580261149893495,0.0,0.10840773432594644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548158661729487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08898442491447553,0.10830884137379088,0.11163138195533504,0.0,0.4123861032957924,0.0,0.0,0.1332408393433155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10720984009326508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10571250359224613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05223194875494295,0.0,0.09918489259403547,0.0,0.0,0.08786754114723674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05397036353301733,0.0,0.2348327229407149,0.0,0.08261902388200859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09134848708545353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10173040257550407,0.0,0.0,0.11661394104587615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05677137512517087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2112639736497192,0.0,0.050467514724832095,0.0,0.0,0.09141788806240966,0.0,0.0,0.11276494054657743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377945955608116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21958463822916272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997684807712892,0.0,0.09694072957723794,0.0,0.09911982855261127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13999848499961376,0.07856485379778362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986122276283072,0.0,0.0,0.10792726778829287,0.11339317185422895,0.19530514359086765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075301573320416,0.0,0.0,0.1098730331156571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08821825194682209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09404109737515773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905188483575958,0.0,0.0,0.07311678253878692,0.0,0.16499217965309268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09735970773320553,0.0,0.0,0.1660584143577152,0.0,0.09510542569544207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023548157337383,0.0,0.0,0.19741653296985134,0.11477090278797013,0.0,0.0,0.20181958993076773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957608039855899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338186888693454,0.0,0.0,0.13304455591639675 ptsd,TimeWeapon,2018/11/30,Overreacting or intense reactions to scenarios when you feel like your being victimized again? Anyone? Was rear-ended today by someone who was texting while myself and my family was sitting at a red light. I feel like I flew into a rage ( angered that my girls may have been injured and I think due to my pre-existing PTSD ) and almost blacked out in anger. It isnt right or wrong it just is...but I feel as the years go by I have less tolerance towards others who threaten me in some way...be it purposeful or not. I refuse to be a victim again but from my reaction today I feel like I am hyper-sensitive for better or for worse..how is it possible to not feel this way? Having said that I know what we feel and how we react can be two different things...but these feelings and instincts are so deep...its become instinctual...survival..anger...self-doubt. ,2.8231590909090905,5.1702495696969715,4.0936931818181845,84.08053977272729,77.54545454545455,7.276515151515152,24.85795454545455,8.278499904357787,1.7632499999999998,669,24,126,13,16,219,111,165,0.08900000000000001,0.802,0.109,0.4704,1,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,2,2,0,1,6,10,5,0,4,0,16,1,0,2,0,32,28,15,0,0,8,0,7,3,0,1,1,1,0,1,12,9,0,1,9,0,0,2,3,6,0,1,6,11,19,4,16,18,2,19,0,0,2,0,9,7,0,7,11,89,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15578073276685092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10877805630625023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17181467683379886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375888900841787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16253738190585262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13778871153110994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466574092274443,0.0,0.550625533612645,0.33341739579464724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0884139308693464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549712106249803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280107117348631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17538163108690988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818528295649138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285580188941565,0.1479825524968043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16229328208413066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13181382907032213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996828782512542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29492405500895863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519691382765552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24696821151510856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1700912092218619,0.0,0.10018188284862536 ptsd,SeaRayBoi,2018/11/30,"am I a bad person for hating my brother? hi I'm zack and I just recently found this subreddit... my older brother is seriously the root of my anxiety and depression, after a situation that involved him not being on medication (he has bipolar) and a lot of yelling and throwing things over him not going to the grocery store with my dad and i... he went back on meds and he is """"better"""" now but I still hate him and I still dont forgive him for causing me so many sleepless, scared nights. he tries to get on my good side, try to talk to me about Star Trek or D&D or anime and I'll just sit there going ""hmm"" as he goes on and on. he will bring up hypotheticals of us doing whatever in the future, but I know I'll never do anything in the future with him. I dont know if that makes me a bad person, to hate him for something that happened almost a year ago but I'm still so scared of him hurting someone or me and I still hate him with all my heart. but he's trying to be nice so does that make me bad? any answer would be appreciated... thank you",2.5470399352401496,3.819999224770648,4.458882892606585,85.93471397733406,75.10091743119267,6.964274150026982,24.750134916351858,7.510576382923642,1.0785895304910955,813,26,175,10,17,278,120,218,0.20199999999999999,0.754,0.045,-0.9898,0,0,1,0,1,0,30.0,1,1,0,1,13,17,4,2,9,0,13,3,1,4,2,39,31,22,0,2,12,3,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,6,13,0,0,5,0,1,5,5,12,0,0,2,1,29,5,28,24,2,31,0,2,0,0,26,10,0,6,15,120,35,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09826438165537248,0.0,0.11100313763497748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1201090394065634,0.0,0.07538375358183884,0.0,0.08480214289163297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122246755011036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08523901525388568,0.2776725508537377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804035602988144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138764343379944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09547741535156098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09700809442987607,0.0,0.2598374784282779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12154445133986347,0.0,0.0,0.05791604981007215,0.0,0.12600048238093592,0.09297812880969096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802682772146372,0.0,0.0,0.4377770406574147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13136118586190934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11867029111111185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12184367768893055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424314678166676,0.0,0.0,0.14799030434832505,0.11238741214032856,0.0,0.0,0.12313254968179035,0.11167260521145768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08549656797216286,0.0,0.0,0.10402791004706356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19358490231223252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10945383671511874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22196612460644147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12460327154882635,0.0,0.0,0.09392527786080553,0.08533995587132108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3541089838764944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08909933867167105,0.0,0.10205843005700048,0.0,0.0,0.07364572179294551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2257854684911001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333423548500042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276172199746372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787466990288453,0.0,0.0,0.07138561446504839 ptsd,whowantstahnope,2018/11/30,"Triggered by my boyfriend, I don't know how to move forward * TRIGGER WARNING * So I have been dating this guy for a few months, and things have moved quite quickly for us. I took the step to be up front about my PTSD and trauma and triggers, and he was extremely positive and helpful! He has always been supportive. However, about a week ago, I was at his house, and my mind was absolutely locked onto thoughts involving a recent trauma, I was raped in the spring, and he knew this. I was pacing and out of focus and trying to work through it, and I told him that's what was on my mind. He continually asked if I was okay, but would interrupt me if I spoke with asking, that was the first sign he really wasn't paying attention (I didn't want extra attention but in case something happened he would at least know which trauma it related to). He then proposed to help me, I said I didn't think there was anything he could do at this moment, and he replied with ""We could have sex, that takes your mind off things!"" I was shocked, but also so deep in my mind I didn't react right away. He assumed I did not hear him, so he suggested it again, and I told him now isn't the time. He then started playfully grabbing me and saying he was going to make me feel good, asking for sex, and I was IMMEDIATELY covered in this layer of disgust and discomfort, I felt like gagging. I quickly pulled away and yelled NO, and he then made a 'pouty' face and then turned away from me. I was shaking for about five minutes, unable to move, and felt so dirty and ashamed. I got up to leave (I was going to leave around this time anyway), and was very quiet when leaving. He gave me a hug, and squeezed me super tight, which made me yell STOP, and rush out the door. I have barely spoken to him, and I did get the courage to tell him (through text unfortunately) exactly what happened. He apologized profusely, admitted he should have paid more attention, etc. But now my issue is, I feel gross even if he messages me. I haven't been able to respond to him. He keeps telling me about his days and then ending with ""oh sorry, I always make it about me,"" and I know him well enough to know he is not intending that statement in a passive aggressive manner, that's just his way of saying he feels he made another mistake through a text. I feel so guilty because every strong feeling I had for him immediately vanished, I don't want to hurt him, and (selfishly) I don't want to be so alone again. But now he reminds me of the assault in the spring, I dont know how to move forward or mend this situation. Sorry for the long post, it's my first one and I felt context was necessary, any advice would be helpful. ",5.153872624550587,5.50335485122411,5.574343434343437,83.75696456086287,68.28436911487759,8.620921075158362,30.026878959082346,8.484438967287268,2.0254941619585685,2090,74,431,29,33,670,242,531,0.13699999999999998,0.76,0.10300000000000001,-0.9452,1,1,1,0,0,0,75.0,2,1,0,6,28,25,4,3,16,1,50,5,1,12,1,100,97,52,0,13,12,0,11,1,0,4,0,8,1,1,22,35,0,3,22,1,2,14,13,15,1,4,42,19,68,10,60,46,6,69,0,1,0,4,61,24,0,5,34,293,90,2,0.07488501739090153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731767723077673,0.06638104961363404,0.0,0.0,0.07755829387737598,0.0,0.05988552135229235,0.12462066676579575,0.0,0.0,0.050924379742478314,0.07852347007930813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06162398869571398,0.06666354202355287,0.2100221475786339,0.0,0.21107081670835204,0.0,0.0,0.04564921154389138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957918587462292,0.0,0.0,0.04829464113421199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08776468266762892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06632589835759606,0.07737624099174754,0.08351658935122405,0.04946084772927098,0.0,0.06309385691615106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893205741792764,0.0,0.2157040807025485,0.0,0.0,0.12739431507534393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03912433082163404,0.0,0.08511776221830464,0.06280999969190268,0.05989238928403179,0.0,0.0,0.07414794062265517,0.13244114713441282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08440085707683362,0.0,0.15058154594610504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08640725581420683,0.0801659599257288,0.0,0.0,0.07816050241778445,0.0,0.06656124421574358,0.0,0.0,0.2057742357282296,0.0,0.0,0.2378772626221091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03658503690885976,0.0,0.0,0.06627088389687677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2125740422977282,0.09997266120023324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024500809839525,0.0,0.059772506436678065,0.3183636895152959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050744025823557734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171914652974559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08753657796589855,0.0,0.0,0.07964943377421403,0.0,0.0,0.04797325968107168,0.0,0.073939920477703,0.0,0.0,0.06395139568704636,0.07123280003518005,0.1191031429875177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417389710660778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05765014493845115,0.0,0.1676552920848803,0.05300400074034936,0.0,0.0,0.06260722766790652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497863030758998,0.0,0.0,0.05630421352255501,0.0,0.13090561178079568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09950055614891508,0.04798329541961461,0.0,0.05945033907076245,0.08733211169998445,0.0,0.0,0.14311168648785033,0.08320000969841719,0.050842011226780656,0.08145339514723345,0.0,0.0,0.09007745557225502,0.0,0.0,0.06178798194095595,0.13250737038315716,0.05944024119425055,0.06006824395636429,0.0,0.06733062396346735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05451718453682891,0.0,0.0,0.15958850339515346,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lonesomeonryandmean7,2019/05/02,"Newly dx'd Hi, new to this sub, after years of saying ""it feels like I might have some kind of PTSD"" I was dx'd today. I won't be receiving therapy or meds for it until Monday. I was just wondering if anybody would share what meds or therapies helped them. I don't know what to expect but I am looking forward to ceasing the nightmares and severe social anxiety, generalized fear of everything, and to learn some good coping skills. Thanks for your time.",4.4291362126245835,6.404258790697675,5.1177076411960165,80.2533720930233,71.55813953488372,8.170099667774089,26.239202657807308,8.841846274778883,2.1304504983388703,360,12,64,7,7,116,66,86,0.106,0.773,0.12,0.0772,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,1,1,6,0,1,1,0,9,0,0,0,0,17,14,7,0,3,5,0,1,1,0,3,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,1,0,0,2,3,8,5,11,8,2,9,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,7,9,43,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14553928671970764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17098273787794174,0.0,0.0,0.21408202072962254,0.09619516291437737,0.1359132908806797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15957109202756545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12751930076783988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19811413489145716,0.10455538821002212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0929456188513268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15976050081342155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4226455332754304,0.0,0.0,0.2018231846290076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1837428143173742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223898647809629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1512929365042141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2149262172042356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1939339940351256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17515490302184974,0.43513059801569787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11093520539243372,0.0,0.1803329672433922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063159645344216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514680192498318,0.0,0.0,0.1225135480900243 ptsd,wereallfuckingidiots,2019/05/02,"Sometimes I feel like it's my fault Sorry for the clickbaitish title.. February 2018 my father died in my arms. He was losing his year and a half long battle with stage IV colon cancer. This post might be too detailed or graphic, and for that I'm sorry, maybe don't read ahead if it may trigger you. In the course of two months the situation went from a possible surgery that could extend his life potentially a decade, to a month long hospital stay, to being placed in hospice care [technically not hospice, we thought he had months left, I forget it's name]. I had been driving home on the weekends to see him. The second trip I was home 7 hours before it happened. I watched him clench his jaw, doped out of his mind, trying to stay with us. He told my grandmother that he thought he was going to die today. Later, he needed my help walking to the bathroom. I remember clear as day, him giving me a thumbs up and his defeated face when he made it there. He stayed in the bathroom, screaming over the toilet for what felt like an eternity. My sister told me he had done this last night too. We happened to talk about the time my grandfather was in hospice losing his battle to cancer, and he fell out of his bed. I had to pick him up, and that experience shook me. Minutes later my dad's screaming stopped. My grandmother and uncle yelled my name. I ran to the kitchen to see my dad standing there, looking sort of up but no longer walking. Someone tried to put a chair beneath him, but he was essentially limp and it didn't catch him, so I did. I watched him die, inches away from his face. Some sort of bloody liquid came pouring out his nose and mouth, getting on me. His face was pointed towards the ceiling, though he wasn't looking anywhere. Everyone was panicking. My aunt on the phone with the nurse. My sister was shaking, saying no no no no; trying to get cushions so he didn't eventually fall on the cold hard kitchen floor. My uncle calmly said that we're losing him. Eventually I dropped his body on the couch cushions. He laid there, eyes open, the liquid all over the place. I immediately washed my hands. My family sat around him for some time, until the nurse came. She apologized profusely. Nobody thought he was going to die that day, or even that week. I called my girlfriend and told her what happened, shaking the whole time. Then I sat on the couch until I fell asleep. Where I think it's my fault, is how much I think about it. It isn't all the time, but when it happens I obsess about it. Like yesterday, I was watching infinity war. Thanos killed someone in the beginning and I thought that isn't what a dying face looks like, at least from my experience. Then I kept thinking about it, and I felt like I was going through the motions pretty much the rest of the day. Sometimes there is no trigger, I'll just think of my dad's face while he gave me a thumbs up. I wish I could stop thinking about it, that I had more control over my own mind. Weed helps, but I can't spend my whole life high. I'm sure there's people who have had much worse experiences than I. I didn't make this post to try and throw myself a pity party. I feel selfish thinking about it for the amount of time I do. It's been over a year, I feel like I should have more control over what I think about and focus on. But I don't. And it ruins more of my days than I like to admit.",3.3465693753454917,5.0004694656716415,3.9020232172470974,89.1859590934218,73.74626865671642,6.574903261470425,25.2432283029298,7.1686216300943375,0.9744140409065783,2642,86,547,27,54,832,289,670,0.15,0.77,0.08,-0.9923,0,0,0,0,0,0,86.0,3,1,0,7,24,29,4,4,37,0,42,22,14,8,4,85,94,34,7,6,10,7,8,7,1,3,6,5,7,0,33,26,2,5,18,2,1,21,16,19,0,3,44,24,91,10,80,43,16,105,0,6,9,0,67,39,0,9,44,349,124,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054072917196553084,0.0,0.0,0.05706874876449036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05168664232719576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747024338932771,0.0,0.0,0.06202398238693135,0.13894445643965145,0.06193012685791456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13625377710174535,0.0969944773403312,0.0,0.0,0.15669327202355054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3152010434662977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06215976334023824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04011926523183041,0.0,0.0,0.0580412181712646,0.0,0.17825087080163815,0.05726179074369606,0.0,0.09213836007318384,0.08678764679704269,0.1166429559620119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06346997584200723,0.05826889396587068,0.10356258238033957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21485444562442807,0.0,0.054412558059045005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08142765113796792,0.06417685342052609,0.1218575890556082,0.0,0.059818257384118174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06720159971042727,0.0,0.0,0.04951252501845177,0.0,0.0,0.06599594471513695,0.0,0.08580720101245883,0.20772700158876525,0.0,0.0,0.10750883942626784,0.1530229806099653,0.20386299731891352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057475186778206865,0.04054550108580595,0.0,0.06102311861297169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06443725683315987,0.1226634355804098,0.0,0.14545013779971394,0.0,0.1339562327826965,0.045039139431156526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057001892905629084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04211058921966231,0.0,0.1269241233668196,0.0,0.05742046159253976,0.06847704669330425,0.11634735731084415,0.06179606160410615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061062102140502124,0.0,0.0,0.060758054651981225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880841131247956,0.0,0.057779187559821664,0.04830417191407158,0.0,0.0,0.09680640918238836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06827612260309665,0.0,0.0,0.10293235012278742,0.0,0.12015002495737333,0.13599053472536288,0.0,0.1942274457226011,0.0,0.10156542346328906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724825527653773,0.0,0.0,0.04882181097964231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724454292254841,0.05967833040632356,0.19288823631631066,0.17709462703335466,0.0,0.057575950687273676,0.1741236545137938,0.0,0.16495828332677687,0.0,0.05933573381210041,0.0,0.07306468646256227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048723261365969175,0.0,0.0,0.05630808760309994,0.0,0.13563169258518729,0.06984986198369278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190089713431835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07823121985048619 ptsd,throwaway86669,2019/05/02,"i don't know what to do with resurfacing memories other than writing them down (TW sexual abuse implied) i remember sleeping in the trailer, sometimes beside him. i never wanted to be there. i was so anxious the whole time. fucking miserable. i assumed it was my predisposition to teenaged angst and depression, repressing any possibility of being hurt, traumatized. i would lie awake until the sun rose, listening to songs about drug abuse, self harm, suicide. a lot of bright eyes. normal teenage angst. attention seeking. i would lie awake thinking about drowning myself in the lake. normal teenage angst. i kicked him in the jaw one day in that trailer. our version of summer vacation, trailer parks. brutally hot and humid, but i hated revealing skin. our dad chastised me for not feeling comfortable wearing shorts and i felt dirty. i kicked him in the jaw when we were alone, when he made a joke about abusing me, about how funny the concept of incest is. i kicked him and he laughed. i was 12? 13? i left the trailer, wandered in the heat. my vision didn't feel right. i wandered to the playground and vomitted. everybody acted as if nothing happened. normal teenage angst. i smoked my first cigarette that summer. i smoke a lot more now.",3.8008523908523912,6.902004594594598,4.1111711711711685,80.79548856548855,79.63063063063062,6.838808038808041,30.610533610533608,8.012643519586192,2.72943257103257,988,49,159,19,26,308,142,222,0.21,0.728,0.062,-0.986,0,1,4,0,2,1,39.0,3,0,1,1,10,12,3,2,13,0,12,10,6,2,1,32,23,13,2,7,3,1,5,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,5,7,0,1,9,2,0,1,4,8,0,2,7,9,31,4,25,12,5,21,0,3,2,2,14,10,1,4,10,107,36,0,0.0,0.4921231320559477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339282462542668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415099647649544,0.0,0.0,0.1564095051357225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08928903229169735,0.0,0.11924709727528582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055846936050086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400093299328906,0.0,0.1329340631795062,0.0,0.0,0.11776581050607544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12799513231392134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243120132491052,0.0,0.0,0.13669107285723142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14821398019319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07608870030808244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042672764929635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354111001103616,0.0,0.13100508380319836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678145737543683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4069558883541525,0.1328468601068689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381755105662616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15608198500110598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15683727527744726,0.1182358559975863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443392653522993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855035309721686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1369309520405541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514422288895435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08871340408716613,0.0,0.0,0.08073152174391104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0816616129323729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15457488917834575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967023351988308,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,fleshcrave,2019/05/02,"Finally beginning the healing process for real (tw: domestic violence) When i was 9, my aunt was living with her boyfriend at the time and they had just had a baby. One day while they were out of their apartment it burned down. They had no where else to go so they were staying with me and my parents. This was in december. The early morning of december 21st i woke up to the sound of them fighting. She was screaming and he was beating her and he tried to smother her with a pillow while she was holding their 3 month old son. I was young and i wasnt able to process what happened so i guess my brain changed my memories to make it seem like it wasnt as bad as it was. In 2015 i finally started realizing how much that event traumatized me but i still didnt know the extent. Recently ive remembered about some things from when i was 10. I had a dream that i smothered my baby cousin with a pillow and it terrified me but i never told anyone about it. I also remember that when i was alone i would pretend to be two people in a relationship and act out violent things. Ive never talked about this until the other day when i told my mom. The past month has been really hard for me because i was having a tough time with my psychosis and ive started to come out of it and thats when i started remembering these things. I drilled into my head that i was never going to get better and that i should just end it. But ive snapped out of it somehow. I feel like im finally awake and ready to make an effort to recover and take control of my life for once. Ive been wanting to share my experience for awhile but i figured now is the time and that it will help me heal. If youve read all of this thank you for listening to my story.",2.8350840336134446,4.212176717086834,4.223396358543422,87.49206932773113,74.54621848739495,7.564985994397758,26.47549019607843,8.192908349453996,1.5639708683473388,1356,49,291,22,28,449,179,357,0.084,0.84,0.076,0.2728,1,1,0,0,3,0,22.0,0,1,7,4,18,12,4,0,15,0,35,5,2,4,4,55,57,32,0,4,7,5,2,2,0,3,3,3,2,0,26,24,0,2,8,3,0,4,7,7,0,2,26,5,56,5,47,27,4,52,0,0,0,0,28,13,0,5,36,218,82,1,0.10536490900026356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10912626933032273,0.0,0.08426027966021765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07367359422914332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08797529792003095,0.06422947056483272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09318669962222467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11762208471184896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11146210283391993,0.0907625394570894,0.0,0.0,0.11817570480385906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13590329936746168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08801886133989936,0.0,0.0933220354123591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10306709894314983,0.0,0.0,0.05327566385182076,0.07527271204269258,0.0,0.346266322841174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05504881617639229,0.0,0.1197626118402611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11607132620866635,0.0,0.0931738410559774,0.0,0.0943862626869692,0.0,0.10813479441125294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062387750591649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11381218242944675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057905798456122065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442235123743836,0.10295194470080063,0.0,0.0930391450218517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14066378985920594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12340210797660794,0.16820253024828558,0.0,0.07745533155700525,0.0,0.24379174008481086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105627477103222,0.11221018934665214,0.07139798920385639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699526234848714,0.0,0.10058272792871337,0.07304676122150064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539342224102337,0.11992833375649975,0.06749945872825923,0.0,0.10403513632042584,0.11312248054986165,0.358073706707479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592025592461008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22373347470179092,0.11230497374704897,0.08414455243301201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07922129874348152,0.08468832270259474,0.0,0.09700585198547074,0.0,0.0,0.20999929110078244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18431737728061984,0.0,0.0,0.2013613717274597,0.0,0.07153585687690568,0.0,0.10292620597318199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062146953239015125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748482082868627,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,insomniacwithadream,2019/05/02,"My first post ever. We all start somewhere, right? I have anxiety for as long as I can remember. &#x200B; I had a traumatic childhood. I had a very traumatic event happen my junior year. &#x200B; I was over 25 when I was diagnosed. The intake psychologist said that I hit every marker for PTSD. She then told me it is an anxiety disorder. &#x200B; I was sitting there like, ""Wait, I have PTSD and *that* is what causes my anxiety?!"" I felt lucky to have an answer to what used to be this big unknown in my life. &#x200B; Nothing stopped happening the instant I got my diagnosis; I still had triggers and anxiety and issues and fears and... **But** there was this calm that washed over me. I was a person who knew something about myself that was unknown. I could feel it there for years, but I didn't have the name. Then, after a bunch of questions, there was this magical instant where I had the name that was always on the tip of my tongue. &#x200B; I still haven't found anyone to talk to about this. It's been years. Maybe I haven't put myself out there. Maybe it is hard for me to talk to someone IRL and say, ""Oh, hey, shitty things happened for several years of my life and for some reason this was my mind's best defense. How 'bout you?"" &#x200B; Thank you, Internet! That's the bullet point story of me, without the sad details. Hey, shitty things happened to me and I am trying every day to deal with it better than I did the day before. How 'bout you?",1.6329879275653916,4.2793172887324005,2.656965794768613,90.46590140845072,85.61971830985917,5.358390342052314,21.846680080482894,6.868970318607317,0.7286804024144873,1146,39,222,15,35,363,144,284,0.084,0.8240000000000001,0.092,0.662,0,0,1,0,0,0,74.0,1,3,0,3,14,9,1,1,14,0,29,4,0,6,2,38,45,17,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,4,2,0,1,21,11,0,3,8,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,22,5,40,6,32,20,4,31,0,1,0,0,18,9,0,3,20,165,61,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05400810635308149,0.4219624534950933,0.4732171340993709,0.0,0.0,0.19861574922805544,0.0,0.0,0.045384721176543866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05523136553970544,0.0,0.06811624868182226,0.057405267436294476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0666777175500237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05182322929204637,0.0,0.0,0.08371972907390406,0.06691661728796937,0.0,0.06587958363372534,0.0,0.0,0.07438943474779154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05871240488715369,0.10937446646654793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07303880261787826,0.032819101262928536,0.0,0.062321225062242976,0.0,0.0,0.05521015009731572,0.0,0.07116754790686354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051912329056482916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22958938499028197,0.0,0.05814422738248338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774639932112116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169194731313518,0.03171044764217913,0.0,0.0,0.057440953230360976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041629398752633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553791022069368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228034312283661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056674585542486285,0.0,0.0,0.06135841604103371,0.0,0.06216328950655011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1517464136651418,0.06524980405179821,0.07271107534668694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06673555564240402,0.0,0.0,0.0735273630921529,0.055430513562971497,0.061741743804948186,0.05161692181879455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07332681886263262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054995778401543724,0.04996884128308974,0.0,0.0,0.0459417492044634,0.0,0.10367017085713674,0.054265442452085096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1043401222101914,0.0,0.059757957934840775,0.0,0.0,0.08624310490619687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06202174474584085,0.0,0.044067823111570543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605910161589139,0.0,0.053555353002257215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256835936759096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4732171340993709,0.1671927951065916 ptsd,blakeboii,2019/05/02,"I have no idea what to do Trigger warning ⚠️ So Iv had PTSD for almost 4 years from seeing something really violent in better terms which also triggered pure o ocd and Iv tried for the past few years getting better and I was finally doing okay or better and I got a girlfriend and for some reason relationships make it so much worse and I start obsessing and worrying how I’m not enough and start just analyzing everything. And I feel that Iv masked my anxieties up as wanting more affection when there’s nothing wrong in there relationship when it was just as it was before and nothings wrong. Which all of this has gone up x10 because my house got ran in while I was home because one of my friends traded someone some shitty weed for juul pods at my place and I heard my doorbell ring late at night and no one was out there and to sum it up I open the door and 3 masked guys wearing Halloween masks busts in and even though my face did get fucked up I think I did a decent job as I didn’t hit the floor during the entire thing but was still getting hit pretty good. I was told to sit down and they were yelling where my friend was at and had a gun at me and I saw them run upstairs to where my girlfriend was at and just took my expensive computer and run out my door my gf was crying and panicking and I was trying to calm her down and my friend who was there we couldn’t find him and my gf wanted to just call her mom so we drove to the nearest place and they called the cops and when we got back to my place cops where already there because my friend thought we got kidnapped. Idk guys Iv worked on myself for so long and it’s fucking stupid this was over 2 grams of weed and I feel back to square fucking 1. My head had so much pressure and I can hardly eat because of anxiety and I can’t stop thinking about my girlfriend like watching that dude run up there and literally nothing I could do and he could have done anything and there was nothing I could have done about it. My emotions are just numb and Iv already had issues with sex shit just cause whenever it comes up I just get super anxious and is just a problem and my gf of almost 2 months probably thinks I’m a loser even though I try explaining and she says it’s okay and it just takes time but I can’t help but feel this way. All my progress just feels gone and I feel like giving up",2.2774586776859493,4.239197861570252,3.0355371900826467,92.89148760330579,77.61570247933885,5.9702479338842975,22.983471074380173,6.883109765328512,0.5553157024793389,1871,58,403,19,44,588,234,484,0.11800000000000001,0.76,0.12300000000000001,0.7752,2,0,1,1,1,0,7.0,4,0,3,7,39,27,6,2,11,2,40,15,4,7,3,96,82,58,0,7,15,1,6,2,10,0,6,4,3,2,19,47,1,1,13,0,2,9,7,13,0,2,37,14,56,14,48,39,10,62,0,1,4,4,36,31,4,5,22,268,75,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626759128256478,0.0,0.16119142107529671,0.05840589781955199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11174283394715992,0.08250852790764718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060101411922621986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11231849576615066,0.0,0.1780853284580163,0.0,0.06214722983615655,0.0,0.0,0.19378001870719924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14915337948838586,0.0,0.0,0.07502685108432958,0.0,0.06291300749001248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17493701867733086,0.0,0.08022529099624783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947990138002348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07473282670751996,0.0,0.08215431225409815,0.0,0.07546446491530871,0.0,0.0964775843412989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06563896291219913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1846429297259589,0.05217607093039058,0.0,0.08000604615352784,0.06675247794425739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22570600054833104,0.20255846863147345,0.15263066040848522,0.0700616287409759,0.0,0.061258119512237225,0.23365038424654805,0.0,0.0,0.14463185577230456,0.0,0.0,0.06542482930622491,0.0,0.07495476846967762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04895368244521275,0.0,0.07325985257833321,0.0,0.0,0.0842723456353323,0.0,0.08244739181615604,0.0,0.07622934917578739,0.07247576290208879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0823864280201253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07136222175818488,0.0,0.0,0.06463349380432866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048751291655791874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08553746721780663,0.058295675223765886,0.0,0.10737795314092324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06853820600449731,0.0,0.2803154157430424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898053219803757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06971997426908441,0.0,0.0,0.2289174430222188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430264127370019,0.07874385987739482,0.06988443362894417,0.08537376502198239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046787958754178086,0.07509193144555766,0.0,0.1568240710031465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05808019903837883,0.0,0.0,0.058199274417806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07496916578977031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061882143360768714,0.05622575204363068,0.0,0.0,0.10338880521910328,0.0,0.058325680276548685,0.06106035748484311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05491307527345599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04852107140584889,0.1403932396031204,0.14351262720923216,0.057981467818878016,0.042587175306604746,0.0,0.0,0.06978787484057855,0.08114434266080707,0.14875749157378915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861556267154933,0.057971619435989614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05317019936649185,0.07417037779482505,0.07442869391511281,0.0,0.1597041625709605,0.0,0.09406402469778764 ptsd,pallidreflection,2019/05/02,"Game of Trauma I can’t wait for Game of Thrones to end. I have PTSD from years of sexual abuse and every time GOT returns, I isolate from friends and family as most everyone seems to be obsessed with the show. My parents were meth and sex addicts who exposed me to porn and sex toys around the house in the open and routinely had orgies that I could hear with people I grew up to consider my “aunts,” “uncles,” and even my godparents. My mom also accused me of having sex with my older brother and with my dad many times throughout my childhood and beat me for it. I have been molested and raped as well, but not by family. After all I’ve been through, the show is just too much for me. I tried a few times to watch the first season and ended up having panic attacks and being horribly depressed and anxious in the following days. I’m tired of constantly hearing about the show seemingly from everyone that I know, being pressured to watch it, and being fearful of and disgusted by the people in my life for being entertained by subjects that haunt me.",8.070443349753695,6.8983237536945845,7.9053251231527115,74.5418300492611,62.694581280788185,11.075665024630542,36.06354679802956,10.125756701596842,3.5289136945812807,834,32,153,15,10,268,120,203,0.228,0.741,0.031,-0.9919,2,0,1,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,2,7,13,4,4,9,0,16,8,0,0,1,30,25,18,0,1,3,5,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,0,6,20,0,1,3,7,0,2,2,10,1,1,5,4,21,3,37,14,4,23,0,1,2,5,11,7,0,3,14,115,27,0,0.0,0.16805364596837952,0.0,0.15462326070720744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134269938262378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602354322932734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12626499692736218,0.0,0.16136005830639344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1532754033078053,0.0,0.11324529929493718,0.0,0.0,0.09147312802948394,0.0,0.12216399613976812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2512509566133633,0.0,0.0,0.09368199764054913,0.0,0.11950378584502132,0.27106265443071925,0.0,0.0,0.2674225918319395,0.15960605264471456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12064647566932887,0.0,0.0,0.10958291065842543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344000212663193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31972120400407034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16366084907441522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794990321028993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10018366433607462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1438004509476403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661177745439646,0.0,0.0,0.10426651145419356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1664151533927051,0.15749319790551766,0.0,0.0,0.19666382707271485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16579985719917067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2582461468308825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24811887759195225,0.16302076093058265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09629800932363117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12752849263336355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133837460756697 ptsd,cloudynothing,2019/05/02,"People don’t take my PTSD seriously My traumatic situation isn’t a typical situation where you think someone would get PTSD. Almost exactly one year ago homeland security banged on my door at 9 am. I slept in late back then as it was literally my first day as a high school graduate. I thought it was a family member banging on the door and it took me a few minutes to go downstairs to open the door. To my surprise, two homeland security people were standing on my porch with their badge out. Immediately I was in shock, and I thought I was getting arrested. I dabbled in the dark web and won a bitcoin lottery a year before that and I illegally traded my bitcoin for cash. Back then I didn’t think it was such a big deal. So there I am sitting on my couch pale as a ghost, shaking and sweating so bad. They interrogated me for an hour, asking to see my phone which I gave them because I had nothing to hide on it. They asked me over and over if I sold drugs on illegal websites and I absolutely did not, I understand why they thought that though because the cash was dirty money. It was the longest hour of my life. Once they left, I was still in panic mode as I already suffer with anxiety. I was in pure shock of what happened. Ever since that day, I get panic attacks when I hear my door knock, when car doors open and when unknown numbers call me. I also wake up at 9 am everyday. I fear so much that they will come back because they told me if they find anything more out they will come back and my investigation will take a while. I think about this day when I wake up. I understand I brought this situation upon myself which I regret so much. I was angry for a while but as time goes on I just feel numb and emotionless. I couldn’t even stay at my own house for a while because I would get panic attacks out of no where. I just wish I wasn’t so reckless as a teenager, and this is what I get for my past. My family doesn’t take my trauma seriously and neither do my friends because it’s not a standard traumatic story. I have nightmares almost every night and I just wish it would stop. I always said I never regret anything but this is something I truly regret. I honestly believe I would be much more successful in life right now if what had happened a year ago never happened and I never got on the dark web. It’s been the longest, stressful year of my life. I just felt like sharing my story because I’m sure you all will understand. No one in my life suffers from ptsd so they don’t really understand. Thank you reading my story. I wish the best for you guys.",3.5222674418604636,5.003395180232559,4.854178294573647,83.23684883720931,72.97286821705426,7.640620155038763,28.59767441860465,8.238735603445708,1.9449613953488367,2027,81,406,32,40,674,228,516,0.16899999999999998,0.735,0.096,-0.9838,0,0,2,0,0,0,41.0,0,4,11,4,29,32,2,6,23,0,38,10,4,0,8,70,82,42,1,14,11,0,2,1,1,8,6,2,7,1,22,23,0,3,13,1,5,7,15,20,0,4,30,5,85,12,51,42,10,81,0,5,1,0,27,34,0,5,38,292,107,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629848409386087,0.0,0.131375137350231,0.0,0.07238973752748976,0.05245921383421207,0.05458332881140323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05018278495252039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796419325760052,0.0,0.12265175845464756,0.14925586083967865,0.0,0.20176523970704494,0.054772129695344215,0.2399299559227278,0.0,0.05581961652659462,0.0739072108367347,0.06884173229278721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698355235331466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301485076279805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12691710028216266,0.06762932402216439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607360364412141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043327287278461794,0.05933773127153715,0.05526968884713318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236811314112938,0.07381671472092564,0.03316864664385625,0.0,0.06298498779540684,0.0,0.05995597439937075,0.055798175125552574,0.0,0.0,0.05068135149215186,0.0,0.17136292632559585,0.0,0.03728122247639693,0.0,0.052465230084744456,0.0,0.0,0.06495297335073517,0.1740259991334254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07393444206885748,0.0,0.0,0.06930857154813362,0.0,0.0,0.1292029057462581,0.0756920305146751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0739981304267848,0.0,0.07127312126388517,0.0,0.18533705576830176,0.03204818512047485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446676589657869,0.0,0.15178116041978856,0.0,0.0,0.061559885881928574,0.0,0.06294367043600012,0.0,0.0,0.06986041751879754,0.0889026810279208,0.0,0.0,0.2308976326337683,0.0,0.0,0.06262133064023015,0.090955683562122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2300439217092564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06561639833568725,0.0,0.04202417263980602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056020885609517235,0.062399334675110725,0.0,0.0,0.0663893323118536,0.052273628103660784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426387818834227,0.2212068811223002,0.0,0.0,0.05558152022782882,0.05050104286657865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06991942889579053,0.052387163760524866,0.054843405711991616,0.07514302782835544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06182594791365523,0.0,0.1479660547449063,0.0,0.0,0.060394420158545535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260988915874927,0.06445033703564099,0.15623399342970698,0.03825109825221057,0.0,0.0,0.06268231781331464,0.0728825098491142,0.0,0.0,0.06408034568677769,0.2731620174947416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059192575168585074,0.0,0.2263056179399241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186397585171178,0.0,0.0,0.16897351020862014 ptsd,meekzyr,2019/05/02,"Possibly suffering from PTSD due to swatting I've never been good at discussing my feelings or emotions, and since the incident it hasn't gotten any better. This happened about 2 years and 13 days ago at the time of this post, I was a junior in high school and never did anything wrong to anybody. At the time, I was a developer for a private server and was very proud that I actually had a purpose and felt useful. Then one night, someone had wrote a bomb threat with my name on it to my middle school, including half of the teachers who had taught me, and all of the schools administration. The email had been sent the night before, and I had no knowledge of such thing happening until the next morning. I was taking a shower, listening to a song by Slaughterhouse and I started hearing loud noises, which concerned the hell out of me. I had gotten out of the shower and answered the door, only to find assault rifles pointed at my face and being asked to keep my hands up. I was sitting in just a towel on my front porch for about an hour, and around this time all the neighborhood kids who rode the bus saw me in this state. The cops there were accusing me of writing this email and were beating this image into my head and making me say shit that wasn't true. My school had ""suspended"" me (was told I could go to school but I couldn't be on school grounds??) for 3 weeks and left me isolated at home. It blew over pretty quick I guess, but I never forgot a single piece of how horrible the experience was. Fast forward 2 years later, every time I hear police sirens or ambulances, I get anxiety riddled. It's to the point where I am hearing knocking sounds every time I shower now, coupled with sudden anxiety and fear. I've never been to a psychiatrist for this, but I have for prior anger issues. I haven't felt safe in my own household in years as a result, and I'm starting to wonder if this induced some sort of depression as well. Some days it's really hard to do anything without thoughts of ending my suffering coming to mind, although at this time I don't think I could ever act upon these thoughts. This isn't something I have discussed with any of my friends because I don't think they understand how much it sucks. This may be the dumbest post to ever be posted here, maybe not. Some of my close friends have said that ""PTSD sucks"" whenever I bring up the whole situation. Am I stupid for all of this? I haven't been genuinely happy in years, and I feel like my mind is just spiraling downwards... I need help and I can't bring myself to get help. I just want to help myself but it just doesn't seem possible anymore.",6.779460132890363,6.306804703488375,6.8273754152823924,78.93697674418605,64.94961240310077,9.619490586932447,32.57585825027685,8.942964678507748,2.5811021040974524,2081,73,402,29,28,666,260,516,0.147,0.784,0.068,-0.9899,4,0,1,1,0,0,53.0,0,0,1,3,18,23,8,1,30,0,45,4,4,6,10,89,90,32,0,6,13,0,6,1,2,1,0,9,6,1,27,27,0,3,15,1,0,9,17,13,1,2,35,16,52,10,68,47,11,82,1,3,1,0,25,33,4,11,38,283,79,8,0.0,0.0,0.06983605619619145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06343709125188207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09733183019768274,0.0,0.10949239564420628,0.0,0.070972172231003,0.0,0.0,0.11778200606794967,0.06370705529870402,0.06690259854988086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04362469733668575,0.0,0.06089561931666779,0.0,0.0,0.06329246576492918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0616459746360177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11427592317847562,0.07918410893760748,0.0,0.09230560753226336,0.0,0.061637893691662726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049977026228806,0.0633843859198287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1294673134454334,0.12059136702174085,0.0,0.0,0.07000323927980465,0.0,0.08052929845390301,0.07236972967419145,0.05112527398555113,0.13742515904338673,0.0,0.0654081202984341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058020384105983,0.0,0.07477838205170696,0.0,0.040671421139215916,0.06002441517838759,0.0,0.0,0.07883571872524865,0.0,0.12656746443708025,0.0761811164704916,0.06410720976290317,0.0,0.07344522127103621,0.0,0.2419731943054631,0.0,0.14390334781736494,0.07561120356974015,0.07178444003967341,0.0,0.07047603918223691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07469413263317183,0.0,0.06360929433519655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775440123148111,0.0,0.0,0.034962513222510566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04776946785389565,0.0,0.07189556978856285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451830377940708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052607710550506524,0.053063734954725834,0.22077800695655436,0.0,0.0761090337064912,0.134315769584601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048493559764317566,0.05442758088458175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13530205920483346,0.1613551192189187,0.2056153406459597,0.07280622755278067,0.0,0.0,0.16730877009692985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04584567538102497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680736695526831,0.05691049624901742,0.0,0.4345590054590467,0.0,0.0651490989474179,0.0,0.0,0.07345932863713855,0.05919840863164949,0.0804408369987822,0.0,0.0,0.060635871534927985,0.055093396781626176,0.0,0.0,0.10130661239167142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05380715658889139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047543884111281916,0.09171053208158114,0.0,0.11362750684233493,0.2503769602037261,0.0,0.0,0.06838238599556465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07450055761851873,0.0,0.06180824388239314,0.0,0.0590477232805461,0.04221025024194449,0.0,0.057404254608495124,0.0,0.06434455256849933,0.0,0.0,0.07989855354365973,0.0,0.06898505869057686,0.07760801129946714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824390494031623,0.0,0.18433925549027694 ptsd,JPalmer1992,2019/05/02,"Worried about tonight, didn't sleep last night due to meds. Been like this since the car accident. I already have a hard time going to sleep due to my conscious breathing, but it was never as bad as it was last night. I take 10 mgs of Buspar and was taking 5 milligrams of Abilify. The Abilify at night gave me a racing heart, so I wasn't going to be able to go to sleep. My body feels sore as hell, and not even guided meditations could lure me to sleep despite being successful in the past. Then I took a benedryl as directed by my psych, and it did not work at all. If anything, I feel worse. I called the doctor again today and they told me to come in Monday, and to go back to only taking 2 milligrams of Abilify and see how that works. If I could just get over my damn breathing, it'd be so much easier to just sleep... I already put on background noise and whatnot just to distract myself. Any tips for anyone who has dealt with this? How did you sleep?",4.167466296590007,4.857000417525772,4.767113402061856,87.46436558287073,70.59793814432992,7.618715305313244,26.26328310864393,7.61054688173877,1.2257054718477396,747,22,158,8,13,239,118,194,0.14400000000000002,0.809,0.047,-0.9629,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,1,1,3,11,6,2,1,7,0,16,12,10,2,2,26,31,19,0,4,8,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,8,9,0,0,3,0,0,8,5,4,0,0,11,4,18,2,29,14,2,30,1,0,1,0,6,6,2,2,17,103,26,5,0.10527062836075823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323375122321984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158763716897926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07360767101386714,0.0,0.0866287575020616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08094661524132889,0.08789657752414895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116931936544414,0.0,0.0,0.10749308151818088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09068132503433393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16810006159414898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10774894882569894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06953025720133918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645598545534124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05499955843354065,0.0,0.23931089624000595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430180575257728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12474620146581228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17161922479524058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142991159223705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116931936544414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07738602443889943,0.0,0.08119119832020004,0.0,0.0,0.29636806046590364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.080063056544548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004927263902288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582605744521632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08388706136932468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08708095161667652,0.0,0.6320799212975075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374512343078317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061384149961126226,0.0,0.09978424671450824,0.10059059667237444,0.11695954151754945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15327654242752928,0.1069074330582529,0.10727976382099924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DragMeThroughHell,2019/08/29,"""You need to just get over it already"" While having a discussion with my dad about the medication I'm about to start, he told me I ""need to just get over it (my trauma) already"" It really broke my heart. I still have nightmares almost every night and I'd love to ""just get over it""",2.2010526315789463,3.9885164736842142,3.5542456140350893,89.88505263157896,77.2456140350877,6.665263157894738,20.171929824561406,7.554174236665415,0.4909045614035099,217,5,47,3,5,71,37,57,0.054000000000000006,0.873,0.073,0.2748,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,8,11,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,7,1,10,10,0,7,0,1,0,1,6,3,0,1,4,31,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2372369602310469,0.0,0.5228849728898818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961178712307726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37133619548791785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2807463742935241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2138257673748914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2386677526951273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3513401407524808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22232943756877752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177433377997954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16769022896341068,0.0,0.1892012710523896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2263832082416624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GoofyAcid11,2019/08/29,"Dad with ptsd I need help with telling my dad that i smoke weed. I have smoked since i was 17 and im 19 now. I feel like its time to say this because he thinks im a regular teenager that drinks every weekend and partys all the time. because thats what teenagers do in sweden they treat alcohol like its not a hard drug. But i just like to be with my friends smoke some, hike in the nature or just chill at home. I just want him to get to know me better because he just feels so emotionless towards me and everything nowdays and it breaks my heart. I know it sounds stupid when weed is the ""key"" to get to know me better.But most of my interests are about weed and wanting to work with it and help people that need it, so i feel like its a part of me. I have talked to some people about telling my dad but they always tell me to be careful because my dad has ptsd and could get a blackout or something bad could happen or so. i just want to check if this is true and maybe get some tips on how to tell him in the best way. Weed isn't legal here by the way. so thats why im afraid he's gonna freak out and think im a criminal and a junkie. Im writing this because i want to know if these ""blackouts"" or bad reactions are real. Because of how they described it to me, it sounded like ptsd would make him a killing machine if i told him",3.190651453809348,3.5737659930069974,3.9371696724328302,93.6453901361796,72.63636363636364,7.0000736105999275,25.89179241810821,6.5966054737557815,0.6857160839160841,1038,31,248,7,19,331,136,286,0.094,0.777,0.129,-0.1963,0,0,7,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,3,3,16,18,2,1,12,0,15,4,1,3,2,59,39,26,1,12,15,4,4,5,1,2,2,3,1,0,19,15,2,0,9,2,1,0,2,6,0,0,2,7,32,12,30,31,7,15,0,0,0,0,25,7,0,11,10,149,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201074644917942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0716390071901114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14377360554978602,0.3149009818888239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09035274070115698,0.1522903372961651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08778090184907762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13748175770491078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434158332699251,0.09984435828875923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07253983446842849,0.0,0.07737779056136945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13059860769662696,0.12301440820042525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06651777718606845,0.0,0.17992702429087765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761346615939703,0.0,0.07712536144640326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10202451374430513,0.11541705168377868,0.0,0.08636159497135401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4649938167372165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09525278451013114,0.0,0.18926506924349545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21031148285299087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057469939620831786,0.0,0.08649529166603535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12767861066533606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323388798745057,0.0,0.11937664870536582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019258539235136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09799642262890343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06846722247829858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121973768089143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628112743961362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920093361879666,0.3010077961214789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033404762730682,0.0,0.0,0.10040687376132654,0.0,0.0,0.08226869108764885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20312728123362767,0.1366784491467868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768850692040563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06267912179218836,0.0,0.0,0.0611603315292293,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ol_razzle_dazzle_,2019/08/29,"Am I valid? (Trigger warning) So I don’t know if anyone else has PTSD from something similar but I’m not sure if I’m valid for why I have PTSD. Someone tried to commit suicide right in front of me, is that a valid reason to have PTSD? Idk I don’t know if anyone else is the same and I’m just not sure if I escalated it in my head or not. The person who it involved told me that I shouldn’t have PTSD from it, but I constantly get these Nightmares and flashbacks. Is this a valid reason to have PTSD or did I really throw it out of proportion and is it really all in my head?",1.18515395894428,2.7704324274193577,3.175718475073314,92.37221407624635,79.56451612903227,6.444574780058653,20.950146627565985,7.348242739294969,0.4586709677419356,447,12,104,6,11,151,65,124,0.111,0.865,0.024,-0.8879,0,0,1,0,0,2,10.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,4,0,14,2,2,3,4,27,21,12,1,5,12,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,10,4,0,0,4,0,0,2,6,0,0,0,2,0,12,2,12,18,2,8,0,0,0,0,4,5,0,6,1,70,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17268783281959238,0.2530509272032216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344393117102113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063125407559224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06451606484148482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534634490777249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13572877701574426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782275509867807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7217395699106466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15821591665562673,0.25392727281652266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10545592229190276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10462884358643484,0.0950651528310222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350730688820342,0.0,0.2327672005848477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11799566473248092,0.0,0.08383853280283363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1114264356823279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,crimgirl87,2019/08/29,"New here: Afraid to go back to school and run into someone who hurt me TW: Discusses abuse & sexual assaults Hi all, I'm sorry for how long this is but I do hope you'll take the time to read it. I'm new to this forum but not to PTSD - I grew up in a dysfunctional and abusive home, I've been sexually assaulted twice, and I've been through two counts of domestic violence (though one escalated very quickly and I managed to get out within a few weeks of meeting him). Through it all, I've managed to keep going and was pursuing my Masters degree until last summer when it was like all my trauma hit me all at once and I completely fell apart forcing me to go on medical leave. However, while I was in school there was a professor in the department who seemed, from the beginning, to take an interest in me. I just assumed he was being nice and was excited that he saw potential in me. During my last year though, he started becoming more and more inappropriate - I would go to his office for meetings about potential PhD topics and he'd start talking about how if he could, he would sleep with me. I did not ask for this and I don't think I did anything to encourage it. I did try to ignore it just because of his position in the department but it continued to escalate. I then found out that he'd done the same thing to some of my undergrad students so I reported him, launched a sexual harassment investigation and won. Right in the middle of that was when I met the most recent abuser who hooked me with stories about his own abuse and mistakes and trying to be a better person - right until he threatened to rape me (fully knowing what I'd already experienced). I still feel a lot of sadness, guilt and shame around what's happened in my past - and part of me still just feels so stupid for repeatedly getting myself into bad situations. Nevertheless, it's one year later and I've made a lot of progress thanks to therapy, though I still have a long way to go. But I'm now off medical leave and preparing to go back to finish my MA and start my PhD in the same city. And I keep imagining what will happen if I run into that prof or the abuser - and trying to figure out what I'll do, or if I'll panic, freeze, shake, etc. I'm struggling with a lot of mixed emotions since becoming a professor is my dream but I'm so scared that I won't be able to handle the stressors. I'm wondering if anyone has any words of wisdom, or advice? Thank you.",4.793709016393444,5.4772286168032815,5.977991803278687,79.36526639344264,69.18442622950819,9.542622950819672,29.799180327868854,9.673873057562805,2.6607836065573776,1927,71,383,42,32,646,243,488,0.196,0.7090000000000001,0.094,-0.9962,1,0,0,0,6,0,48.0,0,2,0,4,26,29,5,7,21,0,31,4,1,4,4,81,71,46,0,9,17,1,3,1,0,5,2,0,1,1,23,30,0,3,10,2,0,13,4,18,0,4,18,5,46,11,68,41,17,73,0,2,1,1,28,25,0,16,35,265,69,13,0.07612938758051893,0.4510043775666674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07439275645526207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401067227224816,0.0,0.0,0.08248615963697008,0.0,0.05177059414269016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05323143789272673,0.0,0.06264799933455753,0.06777129531411291,0.07117070067587558,0.0,0.0,0.1170775997255362,0.06356485870308969,0.04640776806165562,0.16815785480093684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06733025672590856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07982021445596289,0.0,0.0,0.06078312127839707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790679505368342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08563531429265027,0.0,0.0,0.08490439104705177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07698661158573313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08347194404137465,0.0,0.0,0.07954892577244717,0.0,0.259596512186605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13464193203257882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636398295411252,0.07561365942771843,0.0,0.0,0.08149808395039064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13533459523126412,0.0,0.0,0.04183872045876776,0.12411122346425944,0.0,0.16122005846393975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037192973327940686,0.0,0.0,0.1347442247132839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941674487248834,0.0,0.07203546726027117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15338469753918074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1470524738350118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08107531317882434,0.10317448653719223,0.0,0.0,0.08932143333285418,0.0,0.08244070799504002,0.07267411466536502,0.0,0.0664732447879418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899118012687926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614998927398192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07516858591801194,0.0,0.0,0.13002816205971282,0.0,0.0,0.07621879784714193,0.15409400917102384,0.0,0.06930533523346885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06297501610598948,0.08557262133680488,0.07618436731376614,0.0,0.06450418304777325,0.0,0.0,0.08522061659162887,0.1616543170958963,0.0,0.18239108178642405,0.0,0.0,0.07958696536133268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11447965008273285,0.06118991800727287,0.0,0.14017942355669624,0.08706058944023969,0.0,0.05057698233544305,0.0487806375916554,0.22439021030354045,0.0,0.04439165811451812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1550605707087791,0.0,0.07436734963350174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06281471766837912,0.0,0.06042796433010416,0.061066402663222615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255907336882032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10816026535672753,0.0,0.0,0.09804965920367543 ptsd,ashhtreeee,2019/08/29,"I Hope my Soulmate... -Doesn't get embarassed of how goofy I TRULY am. -Will not get mad when I beat him at 90's video games but he will instead be in awe of my skills. -Will be informed by me that I dont give a crap about him hanging out with friends or whatever activity he has on the weekends. Hell, make it week or two! I will trust him enough to not care. And I hope he respects it. And I treasure alone time. -Will do his research on my trauma that I share with him. I will inform him that it might affect our sex life, but not all the time. I hope he takes the time to research it and the medications I take. So that he can see the facts, and the truth when he looks at me. I ask of hime no matter how heated our arguments get, I ask he never uses my mental health against me. He will ask in turn never to bring up his mom, and we shake hands. -Will be ok with my duck ""Pickles"" and my husky ""Aurora"". And I will be ok with his Tortoise ""Thor"" and his orange cat ""Muffins"" -Will feel like he can open with me; to be comfortable with me leaving for weekends/weeks aswell. He most likely come home to me asleep, covered in cheetos, watching the office, while the duck ""Pickles"" eats the cheetohs. -Will help me move the furniture so we can drink wine and build a fort; turning on the flashlight from our phones and reading goosebumps or a books of collective scary stories. -Will let me hold him and tell him he can cry, and that he was allowed to cry. I'll tell him that he safe. He does so for me in return. -Will make silly faces at me and we say inside jokes in public; being THAT couple that is annoying as eff but he and I don't care. -Will let me tell him that I dont expect anything of him. I dont expect a car, a house, children, or a cat. I will tell him all I want is him in my life. We could live on the streets and I would be happy. It doesn't take much to impress me. I have never fantasized about my wedding or the ring. I hope he feels the same too. I hope he doesnt expect me to be a person other then who I am. Vice versa. -Will tell me his trauma too, even if it's ""not as bad"" or ""a lot worse"" compared to my own. I will research for him; talk to him and ask him if he wants to open up. So I will know what triggers him. Therefore avoiding the triggers in the future. i would ask him how he would want to comfort him. -Will tell me he does or does not want children. I will tell him I am or am not sure. And we will argue about it; and later I will tell our 8 year old son ""that arguement led to you. Arguing is healthy in the right way"". -Will take my hand as we stare out to the ocean and I say ""I want to see it all"". And he replies with a smile, ""then let's go see it all"".",1.2640455341506147,2.8108408493870414,2.6270224168126117,96.56839352014013,79.21015761821366,5.408630472854641,21.052224168126095,5.927762680638738,-0.11575113134851155,2059,55,490,12,50,666,236,571,0.122,0.74,0.138,0.5589,1,2,2,0,0,0,97.0,10,1,0,2,16,36,6,2,27,2,61,14,6,12,10,109,101,48,0,19,19,2,4,2,1,27,4,3,1,3,22,38,3,3,5,8,0,8,17,11,0,1,1,13,92,25,58,61,10,50,1,0,6,1,90,23,2,18,20,330,114,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06947768017761555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055203532257157316,0.0,0.313567401374138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056011441149119705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679102778663207,0.0,0.0,0.057786000815439234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0535602578186689,0.07422598167447847,0.1473748884652822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17611416180306608,0.0,0.23586206897145875,0.06571572873725498,0.0,0.06864258056247585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931459494803194,0.0,0.04430763994475191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06783828599771323,0.047924055733762336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051828102216405415,0.0,0.10514418025826293,0.06435205527568766,0.038124772768904136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07141102212232424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07130601339235182,0.0,0.0,0.044964271246242665,0.0,0.067289644379226,0.33314240930573874,0.0,0.07740468987077705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03686702175610804,0.0,0.0,0.07103113261755488,0.0,0.2057905105078056,0.0947653090144472,0.06554665830217504,0.0,0.05923545266868961,0.0,0.056332762568142375,0.0,0.0,0.05703150477178095,0.0,0.0,0.0895567480166174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757899045698464,0.06760381132915402,0.0711643834525155,0.0,0.0785667121569966,0.0,0.07129853396234154,0.04931366926582415,0.0,0.1552154641728443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07039224626770668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857422346869552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710107958626539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05728845226381191,0.0,0.10669407052350616,0.0,0.0,0.16036922028401868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06322486385532314,0.0,0.20175204709671235,0.05391871485773054,0.4690674729457541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11734978084072965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14593392026822896,0.06553027116554297,0.0,0.0,0.05793810954368527,0.0,0.0,0.19783623904907627,0.05324730420068119,0.10761975370499123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836323264236836,0.1429613577684326,0.0,0.0,0.04319920493987479 ptsd,lobsterwindow,2019/08/29,Panic attack/Dissociation in therapy session. Hi there. New reddit user here. Just curious if this has happened to anyone else. I'm horrifyingly embarrassed still.,5.4446153846153855,8.813181923076922,7.76876923076923,48.626230769230794,95.15384615384615,9.772307692307693,32.12307692307692,8.841846274778883,5.446747692307691,134,7,14,5,5,47,26,26,0.312,0.617,0.071,-0.8316,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,9,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23888146426530515,0.3500488426833765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3886629216055901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2853949871706227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021096475006809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299564286083545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4008389709071422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27283281215558497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906932051543668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mighty_mopar-06,2019/08/29,Help Could someone please point me in the right direction for a crash survivors PTSD/ depression subreddit,7.755294117647058,11.846962470588238,5.772058823529411,68.81926470588239,71.3529411764706,10.458823529411768,37.911764705882355,10.125756701596842,5.659729411764706,90,5,11,3,2,26,17,17,0.27399999999999997,0.513,0.214,-0.34,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075207432319004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3317397112549292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2581661604269879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4227925263163309,0.3641028543037318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.450234099172992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289264864709442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263467537569154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MoonBoobies420,2019/08/29,"Prolonged exposure I started prolonged exposure in therapy on Monday. Since then I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts, major depressive episodes, and bursts of aggression/anger. I've been under some stress and have been encountering sime triggers to other unrelated traumas and I'm just feeling very overwhelmed. I just want to give up. Any advice or words of encouragement? I'm pretty desperate for support.",7.254201680672272,10.89857517647059,6.5926890756302585,65.09852941176476,69.29411764705883,9.768067226890755,40.596638655462186,9.957137785484203,5.532463865546218,344,21,43,10,7,106,52,68,0.226,0.609,0.165,-0.7872,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,2,7,0,3,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,13,12,5,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,4,1,2,2,10,8,2,7,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,2,3,25,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266834127211842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569228996926224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2351888710042831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1380689215476914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26194703302471783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778033679391536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.225880640259631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327548660937205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127928891850316,0.2854648685104364,0.0,0.2986867407990632,0.3098688003676367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31227148320287396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21678162124555966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253056771082265,0.16105970701841146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Seeeeu,2019/08/29,"Grounding technique (Kitty Cries) Cry like a kitty I know, I know ha ha ha, not funny, but stay with me on this. Go to a safe place with decreased sensory input. 1. Meow like a kitty, softly in your whisper voice. 2. Now meow like a cat, in your normal voice (Might take a few tries to get your actual voice depending on your level of panic) 3. Next Meow as loud as you can. (Let me see that smile. After this I can think a little clearer, collect my thoughts and emotions, so I can be understood.) 4. Lastly, Roar like a wild cat! (Did you get your voice back?) No matter how many times I’ve seen this done, no matter the person, it always changes a negative outlook. You can use any animal you want but I love the soft kitten voice. It usually gets a lot of smiles. Humans having panic attacks usually laugh at their adorable kitten voice. This seems to open the portal to escape fear. Simple laughter! I can usually talk in my normal voice, get any direct needs met. But it’s not over yet. Just any trigger can put you back into what you just overcame. I have to roar to unlock empowerment, ultimately controlling my panic. Defeating fear one Meow at a time!",1.5791749338624328,4.178525406250003,3.291091269841272,86.24372354497356,85.11607142857143,5.63994708994709,19.903439153439148,7.093109894594671,0.7172746693121694,897,26,166,13,27,297,135,224,0.146,0.6559999999999999,0.198,0.8742,1,0,0,0,0,0,43.0,0,11,1,2,8,18,1,5,13,3,13,1,0,5,0,32,32,8,0,4,7,0,2,4,0,1,0,9,0,2,9,5,0,2,6,0,0,2,5,7,0,1,6,13,24,11,22,23,2,29,0,1,2,1,17,14,0,4,16,101,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.1090444962405912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297865632895183,0.0,0.0,0.22796606015947726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12712314998270235,0.0,0.17184606811604644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182086783249776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12532864103417707,0.0,0.0,0.2454876327737581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114351305808143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569519777969995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2514826082917599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23352323841447234,0.0,0.06350580017083776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12282143847671373,0.0910849975204653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426420922848375,0.0,0.21836683508835306,0.11199527434698583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949994211751208,0.10085190912018624,0.0,0.0,0.11328928909213715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854106363362925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285559869713674,0.0,0.0,0.11883934591849295,0.0,0.2189677197001464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07571956498456155,0.0,0.0,0.3933170090450517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0975691829906189,0.11674706004031925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233200932469734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08904425230845069,0.10172611487813432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910256650855157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08401640361664996,0.0898143354710371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160003954617628,0.0,0.08871101059807886,0.13031582338577513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586577750882352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09650958523111336,0.3692055115688456,0.0,0.06590858253638247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,whatisthisbs0900,2019/08/29,"I was on a streak for a little bit... I was on a good little streak of being happier and forgetting about the horrible things that had happened in the past... But then I get slapped across the face with a relapse. A re-living. This was caused by someone bringing it up again. Kept cool though. My mood switched like a switch. Had me shaking, angry, and soon feeling like i wanted to cry. I secluded myself and threw in a dip (like chewing tobacco). Stress is back like it was yesterday. I can't keep doing this guys. The ups and downs (mostly downs) are killing me. I'd like for this pain to be OK, I just want a simple life. Please share any similar experiences or things that had helped you cope/get rid of.",1.7722541966426846,4.187319366906478,2.7103309352518004,92.13580815347723,81.9496402877698,6.008824940047963,22.21630695443645,7.3011,0.7857535731414869,548,18,114,8,15,173,95,139,0.145,0.665,0.19,0.4084,0,0,1,0,0,0,27.0,0,1,0,0,6,14,1,2,12,2,13,4,1,1,0,16,22,8,1,2,3,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,5,1,2,1,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,9,2,12,9,18,11,2,20,0,0,0,0,4,11,0,2,11,77,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11995879193204816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13564155152121474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1925843054968344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121251388583076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1937683169231236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725541171532474,0.0,0.0,0.08919369261353502,0.12602097570847265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18432458025985998,0.0,0.0,0.14795686707221695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17466481528735214,0.15599090349927566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1182379339084178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679339612956167,0.19516167282385247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245973084129247,0.4309033170918919,0.3536004737730919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18770319959178355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683948029640156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19363542728018007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946407320819086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20206685542939065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23438609507961186,0.0,0.17331317771629634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20809186946917815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sci_fi_rocks,2019/08/29,"Will you help me correct a miscarriage of justice? Hi, I'm not 100% which subreddit this belong on, so I'm sorry is this is the wrong place for this. Would please you read and share my story? [https://www.gofundme.com/manage/mentalillnessisnotacrime](https://www.gofundme.com/manage/mentalillnessisnotacrime) I had a terrible experience 10 years ago at the hands of the police when I was severely mentally ill. I had attempted suicide, they arrested me then proceeded to breach many laws in how they treated me. They convinced me to accept a caution even though I didn't have the capacity to understand, even if they had explained it correctly. I didn't understand the implications of this for some time, and having a criminal record when I didn't commit a crime makes me very uncomfortable. I would like to raise the money so that I can make a legal challenge to clear my name, my case should be quite cut and dry but it will cost lots of money. I don't know exactly how much it'd be, but anything that doesn't get used will go to mental health charities. I want to raise awareness of how people with mental illnesses are mistreated, particularly when it comes to the judicial system. I think the police are a little better now but lots of injustice still happens. I can't be the only person that this happened to, I want people that had terrible experiences like mine know that they're not alone. Thanks, EC",8.475133333333332,9.353676780000004,8.043600000000001,67.07913333333336,61.2,10.826666666666668,31.86666666666667,10.650279960617883,3.384146666666667,1145,38,192,26,15,363,146,250,0.147,0.718,0.135,-0.7919,0,1,0,0,0,1,41.0,0,2,4,4,13,13,1,0,16,0,28,4,1,6,5,39,47,17,1,6,6,0,1,2,0,6,3,0,0,1,15,5,0,0,7,1,3,2,8,4,0,0,8,1,28,9,21,29,4,18,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,4,12,134,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11551684316762233,0.0,0.0,0.13496757466668696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723856701512637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11525348494351892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11225527910270962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1721443400890827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2549471627254289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06808447913774182,0.0,0.0740613115202336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304751628893143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13851930090516615,0.0,0.0,0.08734774421434488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1432360003640137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12733115837970746,0.13061038330188673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22157918511271255,0.0,0.0,0.17397323923219835,0.13211948056378434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39398217225997295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579689940292203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09911082303684243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1806887426799086,0.11378648307404796,0.1361519791807614,0.14304730481847844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1386065933461232,0.1303507823825184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14721944154548638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14587755236408034,0.0,0.0,0.1040701403336787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254402470090222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11997701975244356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08350092148158586,0.12803433395465127,0.0,0.07598802602145305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2713260983593257,0.0,0.1125507660286478,0.0,0.10752394939611354,0.1537269367507493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18514480890107424,0.14247956073403198,0.0,0.08391892048437365 ptsd,gershetea,2019/09/10,"Is it possible to have PTSD from an unknown cause? I went to a doctor a year ago, and he told me that based off my symptoms, he believes I have PTSD. He asked if I've had any traumatic events occur in my life, ect, and I couldn't think of much. I appreciate any input.",1.292105263157893,2.8538083859649133,3.3472280701754364,91.36926315789476,79.17543859649123,6.665263157894738,21.92631578947368,7.554174236665415,0.6610800000000001,206,6,48,3,5,70,44,57,0.069,0.88,0.051,-0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,5,3,0,1,0,6,9,3,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,3,0,7,0,6,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,1,3,27,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20701391588159465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3176224336822341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21832288705472808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26311299319862275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23990388177090444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390320780663432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649520626665974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17167445656333954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26327464278289164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5459778021911009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24273138001929045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14963924101130235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2231518694017763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21648847848082586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15038832320597534 ptsd,the_eldritch_whore,2019/09/10,"Sex after sexual assault and abuse? I've never been able to really have sober sex, and when I have it's been very difficult and unenjoyable. I've been married for 8 years, to my only sex partner. He is kind and patient and understanding, but I know it hurts him when I push him away (often literally) when he makes advances on me. I have a pretty extensive history of sexual abuse and assault that I don't want to get into at the moment. I have C-PTSD from (and other non sexual trauma). Recently I was put into chemical menopause to treat a severe hormone disorder I have and am looking to get a hysterectomy in the next couple of years. And I feel great! Most the the mental health issues that have plagued me since puberty have disappeared. But my libido vanished along with it. I feel pretty much asexual at this point, things that used to stimulate me no longer do and now I am more reliant on things like alcohol to make me comfortable with sex than ever before. But I am left with the PTSD and being forced to finally face it. So I am here to ask, what can I do the improve this? Do I *have* to go the therapy? When I've tried to address this with therapists they got really uncomfortable and skirted the issue. Are there any kind of good PTSD workbooks I can do on my own to try to work this out? I just feel like this is going to destroy my marriage if I don't address it swiftly.",4.165109090909091,5.417128883636366,5.605954545454543,79.36093181818183,71.07272727272728,9.136363636363637,28.29545454545455,9.516144504307137,2.560654545454545,1093,40,211,25,20,369,149,275,0.159,0.691,0.15,0.4217,0,0,1,0,2,0,29.0,0,0,1,2,12,14,3,0,11,0,28,7,1,4,2,39,44,21,0,2,5,0,3,2,1,0,2,0,2,1,17,20,1,0,5,0,0,6,4,6,0,0,5,4,29,8,36,38,4,32,0,1,1,4,8,12,0,3,16,154,46,1,0.1139618828325836,0.27005239194325065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1217905947263592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749798824563563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653897672509983,0.0,0.10707094031699453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09697316860124508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260966557645997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13061019092064585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10308504746299424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17286765639480936,0.0814143918662586,0.0,0.12483967223027015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11908076035353965,0.0,0.12953432853275545,0.0955858204350622,0.09114572831733901,0.12564337814371218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12113615235314434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12199855258800404,0.0,0.0,0.23789319490105776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2373475280862428,0.06263047044407616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12381991914557094,0.0,0.0,0.11135203902990053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09569927954575462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15214088343854493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11484677377434195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0837750965042476,0.0,0.08789442956771433,0.0,0.12119975526182528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08667314721329716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077308150126218,0.0,0.0,0.23188040975433344,0.0,0.0,0.3996460275748205,0.11456316872999366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14601380060667915,0.0,0.11252361083319093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12874448964053176,0.0,0.094270447128716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13032534489563052,0.1323185295799815,0.15142242222403865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15474527557773524,0.0,0.0,0.11863833911037915,0.0,0.09842647668604353,0.0,0.09403048839075982,0.06721767114522897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296560798159466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14677543231417448 ptsd,stellymunelly,2019/09/10,"NSFW I was let down by the service's (Bit of backstory; So I've been recently diagnosed with ptsd after being raped at a party a few year ago. I feel really relieved about the diagnosis to be honest, all the anger and guilt i deal with regularly suddenly doesnt seem misplaced and I can finally start to work through this with the help of a counsellor.) So right after it happened I contacted a service to help me deal with what had just happened and was sent away. I was told that because it had started consensually that I couldnt access the service. At the time I didnt want to report it to the police, i just wanted someone to tell me it was going to be okay. But i was told no. And that manifested this ""it was all my fault"" mentality that sent me on a spiral. I still really struggle with the guilt but thats something that I will defeat eventually. So the other day my counsellor asked me something that has resonated with me since ""do you think anyone else is at risk?"" And knowing the person, my answer was a solid yes. So they found me some information about reporting it to the police and i decided I wanted to make an anonymous report about it. So that (god forbid) anything should happen to anyone else, there will be more evidence behind it. But the best way to do this was through the service that denied me help all those years ago. According to my counsellor it was bull that they denied me help. I was more than eligible for it. So now im going to have to speak to them, when I blame them for putting this guilt in me from the start. Im gonna make a complaint, tell them exactly how it made me feel. But im going to ask them for help and i just wanted to post because im scared I'll let my guard down and it will do more damage",3.7242875874125896,4.965235755681821,5.143977272727274,82.29630244755245,72.125,8.256293706293707,26.322552447552447,8.730908602173464,1.8477500874125867,1374,45,277,25,26,461,165,352,0.11900000000000001,0.79,0.091,-0.8573,0,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,0,1,6,3,17,16,2,6,22,2,33,2,0,4,4,47,62,20,0,6,7,0,2,0,0,5,1,1,0,1,29,14,0,2,9,0,0,6,4,12,0,0,20,3,39,4,47,30,10,34,0,2,0,1,26,9,0,2,17,206,68,8,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16666058533379655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13146180289713652,0.19263969309106585,0.07735859922680051,0.0,0.1757650928603122,0.0,0.0883213559297486,0.0,0.0,0.1146098827935472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09865307779978263,0.0,0.10262976825893703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06062583528552905,0.19383129221471745,0.0,0.0954137054727384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15705923298254146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0950641120985472,0.0,0.0,0.10297854013945527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307228857054176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1602766469817759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24938652558418406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3150498615432579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4061687189387679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051663019450113694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19225419070278155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889503719367575,0.12549893629270129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473553472003073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08208206419161487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09003137951160642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098875161422406,0.09450159279338656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12044478936915573,0.0,0.09281918934750732,0.0,0.0,0.08028026899357199,0.0,0.0,0.09411600528084484,0.0,0.0,0.08557916788330018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776240397125135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965064004992642,0.14474020757344402,0.0,0.0,0.19961294314797765,0.0,0.07507299380841555,0.0,0.0,0.09827506420733292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16433007620284132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06023499287389211,0.0,0.0,0.05481542149103985,0.0,0.0,0.17965275916090015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22178775456385025,0.07461726989460839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06843719659859339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1210730489597218 ptsd,CivilCarrot,2019/09/10,"In search of a good inpatient program that will not detain me indefinitely and accepts insurance, preferably in or around Illinois Given that most inpatient centers essentially operate exactly like prisons, I've been desperately searching for an inpatient program that utilizes EMDR and CBT instead of using the status quo, which has failed me time and time again in places like Alexian and Vista. I desperately want to get better and be free from my trauma. I want to live and learn to cope, not be on suicide watch and detained indefinitely without activities. I have blue cross blue shield insurance which is widely accepted basically everywhere in Illinois, where I live. Any and all recommendations would be highly appreciated.",12.125482093663912,12.03412552892562,11.291528925619836,50.026990358126746,54.04132231404961,14.347658402203855,47.43939393939394,13.295006501635747,6.937610468319559,603,33,79,19,6,195,85,121,0.098,0.687,0.215,0.9276,0,0,0,0,0,1,10.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,0,3,0,9,0,0,1,2,26,14,9,1,4,4,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,9,0,0,4,0,1,1,3,2,0,0,2,3,7,8,14,7,2,15,0,1,3,0,0,11,0,4,5,54,12,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17315951860785433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2266778094081329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252026470908827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330354994049631,0.0,0.0,0.21357450724799032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2690342837467448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24880214197697506,0.0,0.4496921090012805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660378220510757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2785277313337891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29695769486932816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21992159676715625,0.0,0.0,0.3003788831409928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24545761709676064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1808843397667785,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MrBurger120,2019/09/10,"Need advice. First post on here. Before I get into my post I just need to explain a few things so the post will make sense. I'm 19 years old and am a volunteer on a fire department in a town south of the city I live in. Ive been on for about 1 month and a half and have already experienced a lot. I love the job but it can be extremely stressful sometimes and some of the things have been causing me problems. This where I'll open my post up... There's one call that has been circulating my thoughts a lot. I knew what I was signing up for when I went into the department, but I didn't expect to see something so early. It's not like making me have horrible nightmares or is making me go crazy but the experience has truly made me unsettled and disturbed. I was losing sleep, eating less, and just would be short with people. I didn't realize I was treating my girlfriend like shit till we broke up and that's when I realized I had an issue. We got back together a little after and I explained everything to her, she said to stay with her then I need counseling. I can always talk to her, don't get me wrong, she's been a great support of mine and I'm forever in debt for that. But what can I do other than counseling to improve my mental state and relationship so I'm not throwing my baggage onto her? Do any of you guys have an methods you use?",2.7963472858077205,4.21388070143885,4.321635055591893,86.58534990189669,74.71942446043165,7.50058862001308,25.586003924133426,8.150884317080207,1.4658215827338132,1057,36,224,17,22,353,155,278,0.157,0.764,0.079,-0.97,2,0,2,0,0,0,24.0,2,2,0,2,12,13,1,2,17,0,29,4,2,6,0,49,53,22,0,6,9,0,1,2,1,2,0,1,0,1,11,17,1,0,6,0,1,5,5,7,0,3,16,4,40,6,31,33,5,40,0,2,1,1,19,18,1,5,13,164,51,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11658703029473334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13166006019921725,0.0,0.09927435300416708,0.0,0.0,0.08113397211353406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174098606121928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1015228722082026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12182746942335332,0.0,0.0,0.12256284688632715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12208253265009116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1072269200281746,0.11670675157446987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10148387529719877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12466768891031975,0.0,0.06780585429915208,0.0,0.09542202509989917,0.13153820594996204,0.0,0.11813431949837455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12452723146777238,0.11839542381372535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11657635809592624,0.11957860910557372,0.10535172228681422,0.0,0.0,0.13347585948010193,0.0,0.2028638925381813,0.10768071321357643,0.11289272778619375,0.23891834756613484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12023505579529108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09523102480410224,0.0,0.0,0.2653975528855834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12519435651853053,0.0,0.08084662782181629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08271359437311393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4570588204688192,0.0,0.0,0.11416226344052105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1280928382616319,0.0,0.0,0.113489845941165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507354575427113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246861297110245,0.0,0.0,0.1193948115813752,0.0,0.0,0.09184962635638892,0.11799930388534452,0.0,0.0,0.12716714456961362,0.0,0.0,0.1366676535285927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539004022215287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589577217422172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15852672901842454,0.0,0.0,0.09471773984679356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10304436535007204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11060031227855427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08475344062169937,0.1304452775333257,0.0,0.07683085781907878 ptsd,RIP_huell_howser,2019/09/10,"First Panic Attack in a long time. I had a panic attack last night when my partner and I were having sex. Everything was great until everything seemed wrong and I pushed him off of me and started crying and having an anxiety attack. I haven’t had one in a long time, so long that I can’t remember when my last one was. This has shaken me up because I felt like I was doing okay and then out of no where this happened. Now I’m scared of it happening again. Does anyone else have your trauma just randomly hit you at unexpected times?",3.0463136033229503,4.845287130841125,4.375638629283492,84.86684319833853,74.88785046728971,7.372377985462098,22.16926272066459,8.167268648758528,1.1755325025960546,421,11,83,7,9,139,72,107,0.27399999999999997,0.6559999999999999,0.071,-0.9702,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,2,0,1,8,11,3,3,4,1,13,1,0,0,0,11,20,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,8,0,3,7,1,14,3,10,12,0,25,0,0,0,1,4,7,0,2,18,62,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10601133305416224,0.0,0.0,0.09689654140553453,0.14198892443726333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4729554006039528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08447549789255399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522207687553725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1212700181491508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11576363731845488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2490888663842341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305603754173198,0.0,0.0,0.11787386715675564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15278207467715582,0.0,0.0,0.2450870774598881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259181562506566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770191869188939,0.0,0.0,0.3679099193806851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004550407435256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878072677069612,0.0,0.0,0.3251814456254303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1569811821600599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13874015419907995,0.0,0.0,0.12615566197192332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09808579822968444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24241679215327705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15151263459500322,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Impressive_Onion,2019/09/10,"Exercise I'll be getting my license next Tuesday, and that will be the start of my gym career. I'm the closing manager at a pizza place, so the plan is to close there, and at around 1 am go to a nearby gym and just do. I don't care what, but honestly just anything. I've already kinda got some workouts planned, but nothing too strenuous, I'm an asthmatic after all. Does anyone have any tips on what I should do to lose belly and arm fat so that I can at least have something to focus on?? Less cardio, please! My body is built for weight lifting!",4.526875,4.766922937500002,5.505357142857147,84.08964285714286,69.625,8.185714285714287,30.285714285714285,7.957251820313856,1.9476107142857144,427,16,88,5,7,141,80,112,0.049,0.883,0.068,0.4788,0,0,1,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,3,7,3,0,0,6,0,13,7,3,0,1,15,20,8,0,1,4,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,0,4,7,3,0,0,4,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,2,13,15,4,14,0,1,0,0,0,9,0,2,4,58,10,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275109014905022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16953271257594776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17431652484804022,0.0,0.20515285637577213,0.2219300689831749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2769163667511469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25417821042934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181643206804005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302490863011458,0.0,0.14168307194153992,0.0,0.1993881765339768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2789032008614431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26513363428160186,0.0,0.0,0.2392103046592553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2604656907268069,0.27365680088048144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19192350503308306,0.0,0.0,0.17645599354042632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30358053135120905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,its_athrow_away,2019/09/10,"Triggers I Can’t Get Away From A bit of back story, is that I was abused mentally, physically, and emotionally by my narcissistic mother. The common theme with her abuse was to belittle me, lower myself esteem, and make me feel ashamed of myself as a person. I moved out when I was 16 and had a very stressful on and off relationship with her for years. I now am celebrating two years of no contact with her this month. I’ve done a lot of work in getting her out of my head and moving past the trauma she brought to me in my life. It hasn’t been easy. I’ve been through abusive relationships, anxiety, depression, flashbacks that cause me to be physically ill, etc. Now, I am married and have my own small daughter. However, we live abroad with his mother, my mother in law. Since day 1, I have felt that something was off with her and how she treats me when my husband isn’t around. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but she basically made me feel uncomfortable in my own skin, she made me feel like I wanted to hide away in my room and avoid her completly. So I did. She then would come up to my room and enter without permission and have long talks with me about how it’s going to be and how she’s in charge and how I’d better watch myself or else. I started having a lot of emotional issues, and anxiety attacks, which I haven’t had in a long time. So I further isolated myself from everyone. It got the point where my daughter and I would be in my room 24/7, for I was in fear of running into her. But suddenly I didn’t want to live like this anymore so I became more active. I didn’t want her to push me around anymore so I started standing up to her. This resulted in her putting her hands on me. My husbands brother charged and attacked me onto the floor. It was a brawl. Now, I don’t fill out hide anymore. But if she tries to talk to me I ignore her. I do avoid being in the same place as her at all times. But that’s hard as she has an entitlement to entering any room she pleases, without permission. It doesn’t matter who’s flirt of the house she’s on. She will try tactics of telling my husband she’s sorry and just wants things to get better. She has manipulated him into thinking this is the truth. When everyday, I see that it’s not, by what she says to me, knowing I won’t say shit to anyone or even acknowledge it.My husband and I now suffer at the hands of me not wanting to forgive his mother and brother. I have gotten over that brawl, but I now have flashbacks of my own mother every day, from being reminded by how similar mother in law is to my actual mother. I now struggle with depression again, and immense anger. My husband doesn’t understand the severity of my mental state, so I’m pretty much alone here. The reason why I’m posting this is because just before I sat down to write this, his mother in law entered the room. She was being unnecessarily loud for me to know she was there. As usual. She walked directly in front of me, and I caught a glimpse of her. Her body shape, and the clothing she was wearing was like an exact replica of what my mother would wear. I mean, an exact. It immediately triggered me into thinking of my past and of my mother. I immediately felt sick. After she took her loud exit, I ran to the bathroom to puke. After so long of working on myself and my issues from past trauma, finally starting a family of my own and being in a mental place that is positive, I am now here again. I’ve realized that this woman is the embodiment of everything I’ve ever worked for, thrown down the drain. And there is noting I can do about it. I cannot move, I can’t get any support, I can’t do anything. I am stuck here. I feel so trapped, I just want to leave and run away, like I did when I was 16. I want to never see this woman again. But that isn’t an option for me. I’m stuck.",3.378310433472212,4.5908312827763496,4.853975711373106,84.15341902313627,72.9331619537275,7.627728038294477,26.39579824483645,8.104835398774808,1.5525934048399963,2990,101,617,44,58,1003,306,778,0.14300000000000002,0.785,0.07200000000000001,-0.9942,2,4,1,0,2,0,91.0,1,0,0,5,43,27,4,6,29,0,67,12,9,14,6,117,113,56,0,12,16,19,11,4,0,5,3,4,5,3,31,43,0,3,16,0,0,20,21,16,0,1,33,18,130,11,114,67,12,119,0,3,3,0,73,55,1,6,45,461,161,3,0.0,0.232488095663425,0.06382732937353809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06774143005571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08895735416536273,0.0,0.1000716188933594,0.0,0.19459708036566128,0.04573376017574075,0.0,0.05382399368640944,0.11645134113945975,0.0,0.14881871978289285,0.18435473824961565,0.05029357725212456,0.0,0.03987120804627285,0.0,0.05565613184987545,0.0,0.0,0.11569350502532612,0.07140698065914497,0.07265189985157514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06719051399779434,0.0,0.056341926247840686,0.0685774927301745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08436359004057871,0.0,0.1126690811834084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06693357951791434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05463875541270093,0.14714706502299352,0.0,0.0,0.07294556021271274,0.04320039017678675,0.05916394272876645,0.05510781480041276,0.06249873363446535,0.058783163528956586,0.0,0.061659446853142764,0.07360052008374336,0.13228600880931302,0.04672643158457895,0.12560103431143438,0.07164964657712486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13668883041808602,0.0,0.03717203310922625,0.0,0.05231156974608351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05859139555733482,0.0,0.06712596020326914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547034344641994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13653482929948724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07189142669326938,0.0,0.0,0.06925606165446227,0.0,0.0,0.046198559997244835,0.12781728916138665,0.0,0.11551031247779554,0.17364813826338812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1112125701834877,0.0,0.12377846303786595,0.04365936057648565,0.0,0.0,0.07124687581553414,0.0,0.0,0.19774316780349668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05220686095076457,0.2085503418855104,0.048081318616586696,0.0,0.05044554108575856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18731377524244272,0.0,0.0571104511841567,0.1366717864997912,0.07179671871521412,0.06183030348623711,0.0,0.06264136696948637,0.06654194580233934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315032377707454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06724879690396565,0.0,0.14044425143318892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10402778125651478,0.0,0.0,0.10424105785902613,0.0,0.0,0.0738907513669339,0.06713885376501721,0.05410494996319184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035313524591112,0.0,0.07321724521296159,0.1388852163703626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492294868097604,0.06837709690061745,0.0,0.0,0.07422254479080098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514256785463323,0.057168182157082276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04345318616422112,0.08381971515901182,0.0,0.0,0.07627813661934701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07266905131423718,0.08881346855968536,0.0,0.06389266695928833,0.0680904949195681,0.0,0.0,0.07203604218421264,0.05396722964992524,0.2700492244714256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05901921175948676,0.0,0.0,0.12609910417983866,0.0,0.142850178562777,0.0,0.0,0.13938874748238575,0.0,0.0,0.08423931001771229 ptsd,maxdogwhite,2019/09/10,"abuse connections? (trigger warning: childhood abuse and partner abuse) okay so i’m new to the sub, but to preface real quick, i’m 18F, still live at home, my dad was super emotionally, verbally and slightly physically abuse growing up, and still sorta is emotionally and verbally abusing today when i was 15, i had a boyfriend and he was super manipulative and emotionally, slightly verbally abusive, also he’s pushed me away from him and almost hit me with his skateboard, (so like also boarderline physical i guess? )he manipulated me to have sex with him and it was terrible. i’m in therapy now for it, but i recently sorta got triggered by my dads voice and i just sorta thought maybe my dads abuse led me to be attracted to my ex, and be easily manipulated by him? i don’t know though cause i never was sexually abused by my dad, and lots of my exes abuse was manipulation into sex and sexual acts i didn’t want to partake in, do you guys think this is the case, and should i bring it up to my therapist? also how should i bring up to my therapist that i don’t wanna be around my dad? should i be like “i don’t wanna live at home cause my dad still scares me to death and i’m actually scared he might seriously hurt me if he gets angry at me again” thanks",3.371737711213516,5.28435271370968,5.335875576036866,77.84107526881724,74.28225806451613,8.756067588325651,27.132104454685106,9.362217197678863,2.4926975422427042,995,38,193,25,21,343,127,248,0.226,0.654,0.12,-0.9882,0,0,0,0,8,0,26.0,0,1,0,2,17,12,0,2,3,1,23,2,0,10,1,50,38,25,1,7,4,7,0,2,1,4,0,1,2,2,5,18,0,0,3,0,0,6,5,5,0,0,10,1,35,7,30,19,1,29,0,1,0,2,19,11,0,8,14,130,40,0,0.0,0.7980022707576685,0.07302790225471606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493617307622462,0.0,0.0,0.1795359216337876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661877632693798,0.0,0.0,0.07030969302766141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537517654846245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2525369991280552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03909805817138686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05985217053106957,0.0,0.0824388929562967,0.0740981490257226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501306733558842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08011212712699135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04112721096932477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07312093887489489,0.0,0.1321608767252824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06362181204014622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518154559467545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793878233808953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05771715783434213,0.0722758493646314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517830709718316,0.0,0.0,0.07389026856981808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984524117925407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17928933813705253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06889776578918325,0.08558003662065054,0.17377778077033285,0.0,0.04795107382471977,0.07352474308816105,0.05941041716199926,0.0,0.0,0.07093457463565142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04413946314717489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,steampunk-cavalier,2019/09/10,"A helpful tip. Hey all. I care about you and I just wanted to let you know that the Veteran Affairs put out a free (and available to everyone) app called PTSD couch. It helps me track when I have a bad episode so I can discuss it with my therapist. It also gives tips for coping. And for helping your family cope. I recommend it as an aid. Love you and you matter.",0.5663813813813796,2.9282853378378415,2.4463963963963984,92.16782282282284,87.5135135135135,5.991591591591593,21.735735735735737,7.3871296695380915,0.9085393393393396,281,10,60,5,9,93,57,74,0.042,0.6920000000000001,0.266,0.9468,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,5,0,0,5,4,0,0,5,0,3,1,0,0,1,11,8,8,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,6,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,12,4,8,7,1,3,0,0,0,1,14,1,0,0,1,42,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1973538907086158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20605518283088567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2519950968420658,0.0,0.2516137744533129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358136616035971,0.0,0.0,0.2326469528155964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2367386777296567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4962443891330414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562659257705018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2523544023482282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227331149757622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28847848112166224,0.24808710679496954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.286536428267176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556019831485054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,11BParrot,2019/09/10,"Oversharing about traumatic experiences Long time lurker here! Anyways, I have what I would consider pretty well managed PTSD. I get anxious and angry at times but luckily I have an amazing wife that knows how i tick and is able to bring me back to even ground and I know that I am SUPER fortunate for that. That being said, at times I find myself oversharing. Whenever war is brought up or discussed, my colleagues and friends always look at me for my input. The know I was hurt in combat and they know that I have seen some things but they ask anyways. When this happens, I find myself going in to FULL detail about many instances of ahit that they just would not understand. Things that are horrible. I think that I do this because simply mentioning war and bringing me into it elevates my pulse and excitement (not the good kind) and I end up going full story time for myself. Not really for them. After I finish whatever topic that I'm talking about I always feel awkward and vulnerable and that I downplayed my experiences. This has been happening more lately as I've reentered the workforce and I'm forced to integrate with ""normal"" people. Have any of you experienced this? It's been weighing down on me and keeping me up at night. Do any of you have suggestions on how I handle this? Please dont reccomend therapy as I've already started that bit. Thank you guys for being such a warm and welcoming community here on reddit.",5.109049395877754,7.045674421641794,5.634157782515992,77.39883084577114,69.70895522388061,8.686851457000714,29.92608386638237,9.23628265651192,2.8263277896233117,1147,46,196,24,21,369,154,268,0.122,0.716,0.162,0.9329999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,3,4,1,15,14,2,1,5,0,20,1,0,2,0,38,44,21,2,3,7,1,2,0,1,2,0,1,0,1,21,15,1,1,9,0,0,5,4,4,1,0,6,6,37,10,33,34,5,35,0,1,2,0,17,17,0,2,13,151,58,1,0.1271556069804103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031937422735308,0.0,0.2116073024619944,0.0,0.0,0.17294034619647392,0.0,0.0,0.1436496424833053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11887332778147602,0.0,0.0,0.0977748129207307,0.0,0.07751287779958385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882098980913515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14902542437549535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11262212600094575,0.0,0.0,0.08398507917747024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24876516574969826,0.0,0.0,0.06429369548779876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324358423240892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.098240106529944,0.0,0.06643355649312696,0.0,0.1445309234981599,0.10665209027825692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259040422866574,0.2248865666298719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361227071673459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302174593141677,0.0,0.13241299743811008,0.279525584760106,0.0,0.14343706318229776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11252871082406274,0.1067786849055916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12891582761644774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932692339406838,0.12458549714912948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08815368749618313,0.0,0.0,0.13957867235235974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12936296556495774,0.0,0.0,0.1486381000105666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08145913783705241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12095410057937718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09000139308705182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10220286032206756,0.0,0.11706779901298554,0.14541351830313146,0.0,0.16895307035798207,0.08147617863466966,0.0,0.0,0.2965818279543255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237347124993978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143281614498852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18065538985258164,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,littlestredplanet,2019/09/10,EDMR advice? Do any of you have experience with it? I'm going to possibly be trying it at my next therapy session after my therapist said it may be good for me. And do you have any advice for what kind of trauma memories to start with? I just don't really know what to expect but I'm willing to try it.,1.345052083333332,3.1992117343750017,4.42625,82.32708333333336,80.09375,8.016666666666666,21.604166666666664,8.841846274778883,1.6375291666666674,237,7,49,6,6,86,43,64,0.040999999999999995,0.927,0.031,-0.1622,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,9,0,0,0,0,8,15,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,6,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,6,2,12,10,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,1,3,36,12,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4637914467893898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32275667555112103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321338532509924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348682404324648,0.19904362894984234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24712092807036884,0.130418884969386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25238093898598185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2675303739613275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1520262975053743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22573531426220575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679686149971334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27138365789086016,0.2755341763562009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3222346272035301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,veniicebiitch,2019/09/10,"Lack of support system. Feeling alone. [TRIGGER WARNING] Hi there. I’m 15 and this year I was diagnosed with PTSD after years of struggling with various traumas. I was sexually abused at age 11 by a ‘boyfriend’ who I can only describe as a narcissistic predator. To this day, no one besides myself, him, my past therapist/psych, a couple of my friends know about this. My current boyfriend doesn’t even know much about it. The reason why I’ve never told my parents or really any other adults in my life about it is because it’s partially my fault, I guess, or maybe this is just the victim-blaming part of me talking. I know if I were to try to talk to my parents about this, they’d be very angry at me and wouldn’t look at me the same again. I’ve had to suffer in silence because of this fear. I’ve attempted suicide, had numerous mental breakdowns, and have soldiered through my various PTSD symptoms. They know about all of this but they don’t know the true reason as to why. I don’t see my therapist anymore. She was the only adult who knew about this. My symptoms were improving, but now I’m back to doing very poorly. I’ve been having many arousal symptoms as of late and have been struck by panic. I feel like, now, no one can help me. Even if a couple of my friends know about it, what can a fellow 16 year old really do? I feel so ashamed of myself. I’m suffering really badly but I can’t tell anyone (any adult) because I don’t want to get in trouble. My parents won’t take me to see a therapist anymore. Everything’s going untreated and the lack of support system that I have makes it so much worse. Sorry for the long post, I needed to rant. Anyway, do you have any advice for me? Would it be a good idea to tell an adult that I trust? Would it be ideal to speak to my school counselor if I can’t see another therapist right now? I’m really sick of suffering in absolute silence because of fear and shame.",3.029765625,4.778317861979168,4.270208333333333,85.82062500000002,74.80729166666666,7.195833333333333,27.104166666666664,7.972316293177498,1.7032229166666664,1505,58,299,23,32,494,182,384,0.192,0.71,0.09699999999999999,-0.9901,4,1,0,0,1,1,48.0,0,1,3,2,19,22,0,6,15,0,36,7,1,4,3,45,64,19,1,11,9,3,3,1,3,4,6,1,0,4,21,8,0,0,13,0,1,1,11,13,0,2,11,8,42,9,50,45,9,29,0,3,4,1,26,8,0,6,18,203,63,1,0.0,0.0908566991217147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07493364395439399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07942035971024462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15644100798155242,0.08040870843878181,0.0,0.0,0.15209766616474987,0.053618467768872115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05896441798163695,0.0640270197936962,0.18698074029513784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16969634418888918,0.0,0.04945412771741158,0.0,0.0,0.07783153096723755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10129666659359576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06891764742103118,0.0,0.0,0.1725791668438292,0.1163195373454769,0.05478228022897471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11849003912057535,0.0,0.04006365111885457,0.0,0.04358066014059628,0.06431797967111284,0.0,0.0,0.0844748614252858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05139893254000929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08656566203780508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25285750374770233,0.0,0.08650165308315545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054163401186822585,0.03746339232149859,0.0,0.0,0.06786195485072581,0.06439432426638651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05118643227419567,0.07774442637070167,0.07703828154528762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07727832880745428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11274151185564822,0.05685939989499881,0.05914258106913355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08046580578253923,0.0,0.10392463739402842,0.11664160426981827,0.0,0.08997086277997164,0.25544186227017085,0.08304010974460307,0.07320250643367669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07344102262628123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927641680327144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19650012138573325,0.1576855887394702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06548677898288557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07760719032954905,0.18331903323265705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584023022579294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08016561840107693,0.0,0.08387864821791083,0.17403769601696736,0.0,0.23910868838037644,0.05765599870252109,0.12326962322771197,0.13404847187791408,0.0,0.0,0.356139036392684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07327379865765926,0.0,0.0520626565923091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1265428494154195,0.045229562152427134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383887828733087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814642793962047,0.10894666632130837,0.0,0.0,0.14814382345886692 ptsd,HumbledPie,2018/12/12,"I downloaded reddit specifically for PTSD support (TW: Talking about PTSD symptoms) Howdy, New member here with a ptsd & anxiety diagnoses. I decided to download Reddit because sometimes I see my partner has meaningful interaction and feels a sense of community, which sounded nice to me. I am really struggling with my ptsd lately and I feel like I need to reach out even though all I want to do is sleep or stare at a wall. I am currently going to counseling and have supportive people in my life, especially my partner who has their own mental health to deal with too. Lately I have just been so overwhelmed thinking about all the ways I live in fear, how draining it is, how much life I feel like I am missing, how I feel permanently scarred. A year ago I had a flood of memories I subconsciously suppressed come crashing to me, all on one day, and since then I have been feeling enlightened about myself and my past, but also so horrible and so dark. It’s like this past year I have spent intensely psychoanalyzing myself to get to the root of all of my triggers, the memories, why I have certain behaviors, etc. My anxiety and heart palpitations have been coming back, too. I was managing them well, but I think because I am re-living some trauma in therapy I can’t help but feel everything again. I am also finding that cannabis recently no longer helps me relax, but makes me waaaayyy more prone to anxiety and disassociation, which sucks. Sometimes I don’t recognize myself or feel real. I feel stuck in this void, but I also feel some sort of quiet peace in myself. Part of me is so happy I am doing this work to try to heal myself because I do feel changed as a person: I feel kinder, more empathetic, a bit wiser maybe, etc. But I also have deep regrets for the ways I can act like a complete asshole for when I am triggered and scared. Like, I can be controlling, act like an investigator, cold, jealous, and distant. I weep for the ways I’ve treated people because of how I have been hurt, even if it is real simple things that I’ve already been forgiven for. I also know I struggle with just being to hard and critical on myself too. TL;DR I am a big ball of sweaty emotions since remembering a bunch of shit going to therapy and everyone makes *~healing~* sound like it’s really great (and it is) but it ISN’T most of the time. I’ve been feeling like this for the last 26 years of my life -> ＼( °□° )／ Maybe you can relate? 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This may get graphic. TW: Violence, car accident stuff, talk of death &#x200B; My situation is complex because I've been through several events that led to me developing PTSD. When I was 15 I was hit by a car while riding my bike. I cracked the windshield with my head and the paramedics found hair in the cracks. Bizarrely, I walked away with nothing but a concussion and a bunch of bruises. I had no lasting damage. Then, when I was 24, I was in a car crash on icy roads. It was actually two accidents in one. First, the car spun out and did a bunch of 360 degree turns on a two lane highway. It finally stopped when the back end hit a guardrail. Then, it became stuck in the snowbank . . . And another car drove into me head-on at around 60 MPH. The car was completely still and I was just sitting there watching it approach. I knew it was going to hit me and saw the entire thing unfold. I remember everything in vivid detail down to the second. I remember the feeling of it hitting and the car being destroyed around me, etc. I think you get the picture without me going into all the gritty details. Even more strangely, I was unharmed from this as well. I had whiplash the next day, but that's about it. However, this was the final straw for me and now I'm left with a constant sense of impending doom and a feeling like death is around any corner. Basically I just constantly look at people I love and feel sad, because I think about how they're liable to die at any second. Every single time I go out I worry about getting in a car crash. Every time my husband goes to the store I think about how it could be the last time I see him. More or less, I feel like there's a strong, realistic chance of getting in a car crash basically every time I go out. I feel very fixated on death in general and I just . . . don't see a lot of meaning to life. I'm very fixated on the idea of random, untimely death. It mostly centers around car crashes, but it's certainly not limited to that. I have a lot of intrusive thoughts about choking, slipping on ice and hitting your head, etc. I've been to extensive therapy about this but I stopped going a few years ago. Everything feels extremely fragile and like it could be dismantled at every second. It feels hard to enjoy anything because the fear of random death is sucking the fun out of everything, basically. I realize I was very lucky because the damage was mostly psychological. But I'm always haunted by thoughts that I shouldn't be alive, etc. It feels like I'm on borrowed time. I know this sounds wacky, but I often wonder if I didn't die one of those times and this is all some bizarre dream or purgatory. Everything feels hollow, like the town is made of cardboard cutouts that could be knocked down at any second. Has anyone dealt with something like this? How do you recommend overcoming it? Would therapy help if I actually found a good therapist? Of course, I always find myself thinking that I may get into a car crash on the way to therapy and die, so it's all pointless. Heh.",3.8414710743801663,5.749589585123973,4.673793388429754,83.1052355371901,72.98347107438016,7.881322314049588,29.2900826446281,8.608573733854374,2.308582809917356,2469,104,470,46,50,797,270,605,0.188,0.7070000000000001,0.105,-0.9959,2,0,1,0,1,0,77.0,0,3,0,3,29,22,2,1,40,1,40,6,3,5,4,105,92,37,9,7,15,1,13,6,0,4,2,1,0,0,32,32,0,4,28,2,2,22,6,7,1,10,27,20,52,15,76,48,18,96,1,4,6,1,8,42,1,16,36,317,84,0,0.0,0.0,0.1160106177069299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05269037616461986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09891843904238087,0.06440370722830442,0.07222665786378442,0.12126464134863665,0.06232849887598385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04156214759510135,0.0,0.04891442910349146,0.2645730314699261,0.0,0.0,0.055846263325993815,0.0457060401945088,0.0,0.14493739655312252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062322185265347836,0.12846802863742413,0.0,0.14237509775452803,0.0,0.0,0.0383341755351561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506942088416484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05264659950782539,0.0,0.19887545622651268,0.03925985936415506,0.0,0.2504057312996971,0.0,0.21368498975891614,0.0,0.0,0.06688703633906297,0.30054879599731554,0.1273928169462541,0.0,0.13022822417103289,0.05432749823066568,0.050560019927549466,0.0,0.1303467798592635,0.0,0.0,0.15527591987318629,0.0,0.1689068994719536,0.04985583280060508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05324697161570037,0.0,0.1830091635616959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039841683460016944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0671010376087552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03266691909397186,0.09690380707403293,0.0,0.0,0.1291644546902195,0.0,0.08396910124635447,0.1742376206412134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04991501101790384,0.0,0.0,0.1010682970006154,0.053647330572933326,0.05624399491869746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06474808012628333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06321559731668462,0.0,0.0,0.05703471886663707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0805567801145851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041208526650532026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06948271002089486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346688946364651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09473269233839396,0.0,0.0,0.06715079412723364,0.0,0.0,0.06681356091239378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04576016559593464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04746922345972878,0.0993897624592079,0.0,0.0,0.06804509898790569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777598547451435,0.0,0.0,0.20392601879308808,0.06901494863082913,0.039489596523330735,0.15234817165399533,0.0,0.0943781620503118,0.2079612409041057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465414534981465,0.17419405998122167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14713379932394285,0.0,0.04718106577208333,0.0,0.0,0.053444106784732194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05729847665480774,0.0644606369563906,0.0,0.06036466648895113,0.0,0.042224793192143534,0.0,0.07222665786378442,0.03827770363525493 ptsd,Deep_Thotz,2018/12/12,"Any good experiences with medications? I’ve been smoking weed intermittently for the past few months to manage intense PTSD symptoms, but I am thinking of switching to a medication. Are there any medications people gave had luck with?",8.378461538461536,11.020975564102569,8.23897435897436,59.14769230769232,62.589743589743605,10.328205128205127,38.641025641025635,10.504223727775694,4.841164102564104,193,10,27,5,3,62,34,39,0.0,0.816,0.184,0.755,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,4,4,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,1,2,6,3,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,16,1,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3248393433265688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336317547116852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20032800750286275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.721819769263847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19064013973328248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280002004581033,0.1655818702105706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27919166268978923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2482466404407141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1530392932969851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,suzimimi,2018/12/12,"Why is this happening? Hi, I don't really know where to begin. I'll just do my best to keep this short. I have PTSD from an incident that occurred 9 years ago. It debilitated me for years, and I am only now starting to get my life on track. I am also starting, very slowly, to date again. I had someone over tonight after being very clear that touching was totally off the table. He was totally respectful, he was very nice, and I never felt uncomfortable or pressured. I even hugged him goodbye. However, after he left, I was flooded with terror. I started to break down, and I almost split; I had to talk myself down from a total dissociative flashback, which I haven't had since August. Why??? He didn't do anything, nothing triggering happened. And it happened after he left. I'm sitting in bed, too afraid to smoke (I have medical marijuana for these occasions) because I'm worried it will incapacitate me and I won't be able to get away if I need to. I am so scared right now and I don't know why this is happening or what to do. It's been almost a decade and I just don't understand this disorder ",2.489846390168971,4.746930488479264,4.3727188940092185,82.11717357910906,78.21658986175116,7.4513056835637475,26.46236559139785,8.418075326091056,2.0482632872503843,864,35,166,18,21,293,126,217,0.069,0.8390000000000001,0.092,0.7146,1,0,1,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,0,1,10,8,0,4,4,0,27,3,0,1,5,27,45,12,0,2,5,0,2,0,0,2,2,0,1,0,13,8,0,1,4,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,10,2,24,4,25,31,4,31,0,0,0,1,8,12,0,5,17,118,37,0,0.12508160826658468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11087729873594328,0.0,0.2505023253562094,0.0,0.0,0.1000277169400474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10293150595967222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1175182884012163,0.0,0.0,0.07624858743379584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13126543095380086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1433543596358436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08261522258733614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12009795935147045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306999555325864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4424370124071435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117828058008393,0.0,0.0,0.1374831614733202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2718030667309813,0.0,0.08834883902131165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600656107598762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09274642762636907,0.0964706473317445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12001917660141805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951301994798736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14621370650116444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08013048115320348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10681901002536692,0.0,0.0,0.12522851053783865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346879891579372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598124077911636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656002183677797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005358587175695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302143654453542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3096162792770002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.338600088782934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270264448004687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610969095241297 ptsd,ttirremace,2018/12/12,"I need some help So my friend was raped 2 years ago and developed PTSD and the anniversary of it is on Friday so she is starting to get bad again so I plan to have her over at my house and I was wondering if there was anything I can do to make her day better or easier, she also has mild autism if that’s important ",2.478382352941175,3.3813547794117684,4.11694117647059,89.76923529411766,74.73529411764707,8.381176470588235,22.423529411764704,8.841846274778883,1.1770082352941174,247,6,58,5,5,83,52,68,0.105,0.716,0.17800000000000002,0.5542,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,2,6,4,1,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,0,10,14,10,0,3,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,10,2,7,11,1,8,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,5,5,42,12,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2660429249793121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24001005342950466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24697750784182396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2505920469218708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26543639358236115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19355595705333664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23187602311298686,0.0,0.15680305554415205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20116762823416934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34630424209992794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20033593441563372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2225390694795356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3508303556553588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2124301961876765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3254730303751936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19327082055361028 ptsd,hipnip98,2018/12/12,"Do you wake up feeling introverted? Does anyone else wake up feeling so introverted that the idea of walking out of your bedroom and interacting with family/friends/housemates seems impossible to do? Some days are worse than others but even a conversation with someone can feel like they are smothering me. It’s so uncomfortable. Are there any coping mechanisms for mornings like these? I’ve only ever heard advice like “let people know how you’re feeling” or “tell people that you need space” but I feel like that would just add to the discomfort- feeling introverted and everyone knowing I feel introverted. ",7.471357142857144,9.83222036190476,7.172559523809529,67.01598214285715,64.42857142857143,10.202380952380953,35.029761904761905,10.411451182825502,4.251690476190477,498,23,74,13,8,157,75,105,0.114,0.721,0.166,0.4837,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,3,1,0,7,6,1,1,3,0,8,2,2,1,1,26,20,8,0,2,4,0,7,4,0,1,0,1,1,0,6,6,0,0,11,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,8,7,4,11,17,1,7,0,0,0,0,8,4,0,3,6,48,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16326507686819886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11361764820882332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11682366958115382,0.17118946612572095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077504247377452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14620964097225994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139570852782071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103523543307275,0.15113012509585913,0.0,0.15964861361271318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5913517632693173,0.2387187575728273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886088640684612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18364158655354235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084688902241654,0.0,0.3265002636645057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12388499750774885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1270690939488552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316594103003154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15210003531826685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14156325031387051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14603209526639407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17026507575559002,0.11868624634288462,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kge92,2019/01/02,"My Story TW: sexual abuse, strained family relations I started to type a bunch of background, but this is long enough. I may post a more in-depth story at some point, but here are the basics: when I was about 13 (memory is hazy) my older (by 3 years) half-brother molested me for several months. I kept it hidden for over 10 years, only telling 2 or 3 people, until I started going to therapy about 2 years ago. I then disclosed to my mother because my therapist said she had to report it to the authorities (of course nothing came of that, small town and all). She told me she too had been abused by her step-father, as well as my cousin who I was close to. She told my father. Tears were shed, they seemed supportive. I remember my father talking to me and him telling me he and my mother were on the same page and that my half-brother was out of the family. They'd only talk to him if he was essentially dying in a ditch. I had not told my half-brother that my parents knew, I was waiting for the police to question him. I don't think that ever happened. So I still had to spend the holidays with him. That spring I sent him a letter telling him everyone knows and I never want to speak to him ever again, he is dead to me. He texted me and told me not to let any of this affect my relationship with my nephew (his son), which made me furious. I told his ex wife (nephews mother) and his then girlfriend (now wife) and they were shocked but understanding (of being distant, etc). Things seemed to have gone well. Over the next 2 years (up until now) things would slowly fall apart, mostly thanks to my mother, but maybe it's because I least expected it from her. He was still invited to family functions, as long as I wasn't going to be there. The first giant mess came with the family trip to Florida that had been planned. I assumed he would be uninvited, but my mother kept saying ""I don't know"" when I asked if we were still going. Eventually I called her after work one day and it went something like this, Mother: ""Well maybe there'll be time for him to go and for you to go."" Me: ""Are you fucking kidding me? It's like NOTHING has changed since all of this came out."" Mother: ""Everything has changed"" Me: ""He's still going on the fucking family vacation! What the fuck has changed?"" Then she started to say something and I hung up because I was at a crosswalk and people were probably staring. So I eventually told her I was just not going to go (for reference we live in KY and the trip was only for 7 or 8 days, I was not going to drive or fly down there for 4 days, especially not because of him) and she said, ""Okay, it's up to you."" I still went on a different trip, the week after, with my mother, grandmother, and some ladies they work with (my grandma owns a tax office where my mom works and the ladies that work with them always take a yearly trip to FL). After that the holidays seemed to be fine. Thanksgiving was normal (as in he was not in attendance at either my mothers side or fathers side dinners). Then Christmas seemed normal, until I got to the meal for my mothers side (parents still together, we just do their sides separately). We did a lunch time meal and the more I looked around I noticed all of the presents the kids had opened. Basically they had Christmas the day before, with him, and I was just there for leftovers (not actual food leftovers, but it felt like a secondary event). Now, I understand that I do not have children, and he does so they wanted all the kids to be able to open their gifts together, but that doesn't mean that he had to be invited. So I talked to my roommate and my therapist about it and we assumed all of this had to be because he had threatened not to let my family see my nephew unless he was allowed to come to family events with him. It still hurt because it meant they were choosing my nephew over me, but it was slightly understandable. The next mess was Easter. We haven't even been a big Easter family for a while, but it falls near my young cousins birthdays, so I usually try and see them. Well, my boyfriends family was having Easter on a certain day (we'll say Saturday) so I said I would be absent. Then later my boyfriends family moved their day to a different weekend. Then my cousin (the one who was also abused and I used to be close to, and the mother of my cousins) sent me a facebook message telling me that my other cousin and her 2 kids would be coming in for Easter as well. They live about 5-6 hours away so I don't see them often, so I asked my cousin to speak with him and tell him there has been a change of plans and he cannot come. She basically said no and told me to talk to my mother. So I called my mother while leaving work and told her that I wanted to come to the Easter dinner and she said she was not changing the plans. Things got heated and I was screaming at my mother in the hallway outside my office. Later I sent my mother and cousin messages about how they were not being supportive. It may have been a little snippy, but I was very hurt. My cousin did not respond kindly and basically told me that she had dealt with her issues and I needed to deal with mine. My mother told me she would respond to me and she never did. My mother came to therapy with me a couple times and always cried and said she didn't know how to deal with any of it and she still has unconditional love for him but doesn't like what he did. Then eventually I called her out again and explained everything that had happened. Basically just sent her a cliff notes version of all of this and asked her what I'm supposed to think of things at this point, she said shed, respond, never did. So after all of this I told them that I would not be going ""home"" for any holidays anymore (I now live about 90 mins from my hometown) and they'd have to come see me. My cousin came to visit me I think once since then. I didn't see my nephew for about a year (part of that is me not reaching out). So Thanksgiving comes around and I send them a list of restaurants where I'd like to eat. My cousin basically says no to all of them, asks if we can eat at Cracker Barrel, I say that it'll probably be crowded, as we were planning on eating on Black Friday and the Cracker Barrel is by a shopping center. Then she suggested a restaurant near the college campus that I hadn't listed. I agreed to that one, then she changed it to one of the ones I originally sent that I ended up not really wanting after she suggested the other one. It was a mess but we ended up eating at the one near campus. My mother called me prior to the meal (a couple days) and I was cold and distant and she asked if I was going to have that attitude at dinner and I just didn't respond. The dinner was fine. So that was all on Saturday after Thanksgiving (they changed the day from Friday to Saturday so everyone could be there). The Monday before Thanksgiving my mother came to visit me and do some shopping. She got in town around 2 and left by 6 (it's a 2 hour drive, it honestly wasn't worth it). The short time was just an extra sting because I had told her about 2 months prior that I felt like she had just abandoned me, along with the rest of my family. I was always distant and never close with anyone, but now they knew why so I expected them to reach out, and I definitely expected my mother not to just ignore me. But I told her that I wanted to try and spend more time together to repair our rocky relationship and she never initiated anything. So my dads side Thanksgiving was on Thanksgiving day and my grandmother texted me a few days prior telling me that she is sorry but she didn't think I was coming (I never responded either way) so she invited him. I told her we'd just figure something out for Christmas (I wanted to yell and tell her that was shitty not to double check and shitty that she wants to be around him at all, but I just wanted to get everything over with). Then I told my mother I would not be there. So basically they tried to work it out for me and my fiance (went from boyfriend to fiance in October) to come early in the day and then he would come later. I told them that I would leave at 2 and they needed to tell him to be there at 3. I wanted no overlap. So we got there at 11 and it went by in a flash and then people hugged me goodbye as if it was normal for me to be rushed out so the piece of shit who molested me could come have dinner with them. So then we drove about 4 hours to his family Thanksgiving and said everything was ""good"" when people asked how it was. They asked if we were still hungry after already eating and I didn't want to tell them we left before the food was even done, that food wasn't for us. The shitty part is that's not even the shittiest part of all of this. That comes next. So I hosted a silent auction fundraiser in November and won a free party room rental through a local winery. It would have been big enough for all of my mothers side for Christmas, we'd just bring food, potluck style. So I asked them what day worked, then booked the room. I asked my mother for help with the (refundable) $100 deposit, and then she proceeds to ask if I'd want to come ""home"" to do this (this is the second time she asked). I said no, then she said that they can't come up to me to do this because it will be too much money and my grandmother can't make the trip. It would be one thing if this was last minute, but I had told them well over 6 months ago that I would not be coming home for any holidays with them. At the time I said that since my dads side had been seemingly drama free that I would still go there for those. And all they had to do was bring a dish. We could have ordered pizza for all I care. They'd have to make food if we did it at ""home"" anyway. Then as far as my grandmother, I know she's not the healthiest, but I honestly think that was just a way for them to get out of doing all of this. So we just didn't have Christmas. They chose not to have Christmas with me. I know that I'm partly being spiteful, but I'm just over it all. I'm tired of lowering my standards. &#x200B; So there's my story. I would like to point out that I am currently in therapy and know that I should not expect anything from people or assume things or be spiteful, but I am where I am. I expected too much from my mother and family and now I'm left feeling angry and jaded all the time. I'd also like to point out that my mother and cousin have always been close but this all has brought them even closer and they've formed some sort of alliance and my mother always takes her side. ALSO all of this is heightened because I'm now planning a wedding and am trying to figure out how to balance wanting financial help from them but not doing the traditional things like my father walking me down the aisle or father/daughter dance. &#x200B; I realize that I'm opening myself up to criticism here with how I've handled things, but I'm trying to share my story more, and this is it. &#x200B;",5.124184966813786,5.2411386325056455,5.666574070954483,83.87751751962539,68.31828442437923,8.670631043428456,27.455358646945854,8.398303386505232,1.6621002998551262,8601,242,1788,114,134,2780,546,2215,0.066,0.87,0.063,-0.8266,8,0,4,0,3,0,261.0,21,3,38,14,113,52,9,1,87,1,196,28,1,12,28,370,365,184,2,49,80,55,3,9,1,20,1,20,6,5,109,157,21,5,37,10,13,63,53,19,6,10,148,32,327,35,281,163,51,307,0,3,8,5,300,110,4,34,139,1321,436,15,0.021776879873684655,0.0774061250057014,0.021251093404028542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03860778013255415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024031328457033256,0.05224488890164688,0.09060054282189936,0.07078572073455905,0.0793838779344285,0.0592361003005437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.021596813212514963,0.015226900745357526,0.0,0.03584103325124991,0.07754416021689399,0.2239428732111889,0.0,0.02046009549237621,0.0,0.0,0.1194748546077618,0.0,0.055591562488543536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894651660866201,0.14944169489101092,0.022202980384183998,0.0,0.16125935976592945,0.2626239525623961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052161199734883104,0.04819140675471411,0.02392087997774177,0.16853143154644856,0.044902013860364916,0.0,0.0,0.022600963182952537,0.04550440899077697,0.0,0.0,0.01905709432926523,0.02228530888197997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11141592357399928,0.0,0.0,0.03857570369538507,0.04500267647288518,0.02428697751738029,0.057533695095692665,0.039396869191298776,0.0,0.041617483893981067,0.07828662179659009,0.0,0.2668809552790328,0.0,0.011011044786163129,0.0,0.04181843949907578,0.0,0.0,0.018523402895831927,0.13166344792082066,0.0,0.0,0.06039712360576253,0.02275504185285909,0.0,0.1485156321673034,0.01826541364097917,0.06966784076328658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03851444590609824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.029193167084808395,0.0,0.08737594436623869,0.0,0.06433752017153722,0.0,0.04662520060984384,0.0,0.0,0.022729404777112786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.022677269271881014,0.07180802198380545,0.017751063618491724,0.0,0.046117142906007616,0.07098193110314681,0.044536670199189186,0.0,0.09575175162232412,0.02182615462504789,0.05768815169819363,0.03854370681953085,0.01828709444654951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0196544843121562,0.020605810279407697,0.029072472831856083,0.0,0.043755605689426776,0.02372140629353751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025504818511819075,0.0521462932548667,0.02314537695346783,0.03201702477414184,0.03229456098498845,0.10077403356387273,0.0,0.06947987639693808,0.0,0.06401015582044732,0.041791007128997006,0.024793122072377948,0.0,0.02319166634500051,0.11805261913991688,0.04968689534318134,0.0,0.0,0.04836129595948975,0.09432895504699466,0.0,0.07548673269761788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08234476156103791,0.0,0.02085623123339513,0.0,0.04695831944565649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02439508933161473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.013950826875960757,0.0,0.0,0.04676043842910553,0.024668959747861458,0.0,0.22786279576705665,0.0865892446775539,0.0,0.0,0.08676676898592411,0.09912426777296876,0.0,0.024601675714847768,0.022353654248164646,0.05404218020273774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050294718146557935,0.0,0.024377434119175003,0.046241362978738765,0.0,0.17391044397467076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049424290425910684,0.0,0.0,0.0327470069977428,0.07001372459567666,0.17130557577991246,0.02004922517160572,0.0747112800283749,0.050569271972435034,0.1157407307423824,0.06976872655593644,0.0,0.0,0.10158619023499574,0.02502931990635808,0.0,0.35374861309883915,0.0,0.07392535981147083,0.0,0.0,0.06801149985426981,0.02619490517154501,0.018808232243150983,0.02398415656644894,0.017968206555148344,0.15413481562801645,0.03457094722681624,0.01746809947352516,0.0,0.11748018182746478,0.08074954326451653,0.019650246909014117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11097679536600966,0.0,0.0,0.2165753891428164,0.0,0.0793838779344285,0.08414157993360301 ptsd,clumsybartender,2019/01/02,"I thought I was handling it. But yesterday I got a panic attack I don't want to talk to people, but I do want to say what happened. So I decided to post here. Short history: my mom and step dad mentally and physically abused me. My mom has done this for as long as I can remember. I don't have any memories of her being kind to me or taking care of me. She told me she would help me kill myself and that she didn't want to spend money on therapy for me. (Eventually she had to because I was seeking help/council at school and she didn't want them informing more authorities.) My mom and step dad used to yell and scream and throw stuff at each other at night, drunk and angry because ""one of them drank quicker"" or ""had a glass more"" or did something else. Most of those nights they would decide that it was all either my fault or my dad's (they kept us separate after the divorce). So they would storm into my room and scream and yell at me how I was a failure and nobody loved me and I was dumb. Everybody was better of without me. I would often oversleep in the morning and be very late (an hour or more) for school, tired and afraid of the consequences. The dogs would've peed in the living room because they were incontinent and couldn't hold their pee all night. But it was my fault for oversleeping an hour ish. I was so scared every morning. I was too scared to go to school because I couldn't explain why I was late and I was scared mom would see me and know I was late and yell at me and grab me and punish me (I don't want to describe what it was. It wasn't sexual, but it was physical and emotional and I hate it and thinking about it) I was scared to wake her to ask and call because she would yell and scream when you woke her (if she woke up at all). Even if she told you to wake her up. And I thought with therapy and time it would get better. I avoid situations where i know I get triggered as much as possible. I chose a career where I would always be in control of how much someone could drink. And I always turn on as much alarm clocks as I can so I won't oversleep if I have to work in the morning. I still have terrible nightmares, but it hasn't happened during the day for a while now. But yesterday I forgot to turn on multiple alarms. I came home so late and had to get up so early. I had talked to someone who was so happy to have turned in his essay that he started crying and it reminded me of how scared I was to fail and how I cried when I passed my exams. I went to bed and had a nightmare again where she told me I couldn't do anything and I failed at everything. I was all alone. Nobody would help me. I woke up, I was late and the combination of the nightmare and the feeling of knowing that I would be an hour late triggered me. I tried to wake up my bf, he wouldn't wake up and I got scared to do so because it didn't feel like him. It wasn't him. It felt like my mom. The light was the same light as it was there and it just turned into her home. I got a complete panic attack and started hyperventilating and crying and I just couldn't stop. I could smell the pee and the rotten food and I was so scared for the sound of stairs (I live in a house without creaking stairs because the sound will wake me up and set me in panic mode). My bf woke up and tried to help me but he didn't know what to do other then trying to let me focus on him. I don't know how long it took. Work called, bf explained I was hyperventilating. I finally started breathing normally and the headache started. I have cluster headaches that hurt like hell. This wasn't one, but it was in the same pain scale. I couldn't call work. I wasn't on my phone all day because I felt terrible. Now I have to go to work. I don't know how to explain what happened and how to explain that I couldn't call them earlier in the day or let my bf call because a panic attack doesn't allow you to be like ""oh, I'm scared to death. Let's call off appointments first before I can't do anything anymore"". I am scared of the confrontation at work and I want to run away. But I can't. I have to go. I thought I could control it. It has been a while since I had this during the day and I don't know how to deal with it. Every time I let myself think freely I hear her voice telling me that I ruin everything and I fail at everything. TL;DR: i had a panic attack triggered be being late and having a nightmare. I thought I wouldn't have those during the day anymore and it took me by surprise. Now I'm afraid they won't understand at work. ",2.1504357351509213,3.6157648111814393,3.4643459915611814,91.87226387536516,76.5210970464135,6.5071080817916265,23.01882505679973,7.1686216300943375,0.6132095748133715,3523,103,797,39,78,1150,298,948,0.22899999999999998,0.721,0.05,-0.9996,0,2,2,0,2,1,89.0,1,3,9,14,35,54,10,19,37,0,107,15,8,15,5,163,179,98,2,31,23,8,5,4,4,15,2,12,5,0,42,57,4,7,26,2,2,12,30,43,0,3,66,22,148,11,103,78,16,102,1,5,1,1,75,44,2,11,48,562,190,14,0.0,0.04553916351876991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03980704540805794,0.0,0.0,0.06396196064565011,0.0,0.0,0.026137102757714817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623433997993896,0.0,0.0,0.06325742338051879,0.0,0.035931515712893866,0.1749013426818651,0.03611092665477078,0.0,0.0,0.2108664504248228,0.0,0.03270533506545164,0.0,0.0,0.06798522859899886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23547845648982216,0.043959375176464435,0.0391870212174394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04029834275473368,0.0,0.08621619113573624,0.09206160638659146,0.0,0.12665705436942026,0.12393690451951972,0.03962477422862764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039332326421250174,0.0,0.03765164569657492,0.0,0.0,0.032107491913950584,0.04323417659042336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.025385940214118885,0.0,0.06476625262545578,0.0,0.10362863868841063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03886775903012698,0.027457955675192627,0.07380721180557469,0.042103639270994406,0.0,0.032692772309757714,0.04647572747404422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06024206834819142,0.0,0.06553045050887922,0.0,0.09221988805978612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019637712675254,0.040914748347844886,0.0,0.03794658315935783,0.0,0.0,0.043319013121259166,0.0,0.10304862123569218,0.0,0.07710683265325595,0.0,0.11355213239009145,0.04434880376842789,0.04114543844903884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425226080957371,0.040024114633898836,0.14786000968187954,0.0,0.30349430187689674,0.0,0.0,0.1572094745706248,0.0,0.07510955451335817,0.0,0.06787757875972074,0.06802749139082437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03468906788328908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0387334174148843,0.0,0.0,0.22507290617649373,0.0,0.0,0.0847623927576845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10820586845487602,0.03765811752693457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05208907104995664,0.0,0.04089752603095039,0.22547582465951094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.026645974050978242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04332966227946887,0.036810084129113824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0435393371666546,0.0,0.0,0.030565036852425807,0.346321058498683,0.11669474782201178,0.03062770095173448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03179381064459736,0.04320252518181485,0.0,0.0,0.06513166358397478,0.02958912351752327,0.0,0.0,0.10881789986849097,0.0,0.030694222757699362,0.03213336227572642,0.0,0.0,0.04399885386109945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0288983198611997,0.06178515820329077,0.033593864510264804,0.0,0.08790749304808049,0.0,0.0,0.04925516341596658,0.0,0.12205231593443346,0.04482348904579187,0.044175352734500885,0.0,0.1101788045670394,0.08540534863369037,0.07828448055115686,0.16722487497689698,0.0,0.04001216716109046,0.04623254567559593,0.03319548021129205,0.0,0.03171288175426678,0.13601967361696554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035629609296272916,0.034681589103235134,0.0,0.0,0.07409989369687295,0.0,0.1678867286953099,0.0,0.0,0.3003341586492703,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MissouriSheepDog,2019/01/02,"Ex got promoted after choking me. My ex-boyfriend and I dated for over a year and a half. I finally got the courage to leave him (after 1.5 years of emotional and verbal abuse) after he choked me and said he would kill me and my family if I left him. He also said he would get me fired, as he was a higher ranking employee at his job. I was able to fight my way out and I haven’t talked to him since. He works for the police department in my city. I filled charges on him at the advice of my boss and friends. His department did an “investigation” and told me that they cannot prove anything, as he denied everything I said. They said they dropped the case. I just found out that not only was he not charged or punished in any way, but he was actually PROMOTED during the investigation. How he’s even higher ranking in the police department. I’ve been dealing with PTSD since I left him 2 years ago. Now I feel sick to my stomach because he’s going to kill someone eventually and because the department essentially rewarded him for abusing me. I also found out that a lot of my friends “liked” and commented on his status, congratulating him; even after they KNEW I was abused by him. He’s living a happy and great life while I struggle everyday with PTSD. How can I get past this? I don’t know what to do anymore. He will never be held accountable. ",4.312832643406272,5.458984730337082,5.447080622905581,81.03899467770553,70.61048689138576,8.767120047309284,29.03390498718707,9.134995656068208,2.343176779026217,1061,40,212,21,19,352,137,267,0.128,0.74,0.132,0.5164,2,0,0,0,3,1,27.0,0,0,4,6,8,12,4,1,13,0,16,3,1,3,2,36,32,21,2,3,6,1,2,1,2,3,2,4,0,0,5,16,0,1,6,0,1,6,6,5,0,1,18,6,43,7,32,10,1,37,0,0,0,0,40,13,0,3,16,137,48,5,0.1029011518150562,0.3657631151399279,0.10041668050189227,0.0,0.0,0.10055381462049644,0.09121566238382496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16458002785867654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06997631186508893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205029223621252,0.0,0.0,0.0846788801974348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1254551741049955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1060865691469093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1157499456755513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593048057993698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09248092014680066,0.0,0.09700604796324767,0.0,0.05202991419135944,0.0,0.0,0.1127231820448298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2256516033841664,0.15900234926993764,0.0,0.10752320946989846,0.0,0.05848109593447059,0.0,0.16459890261122914,0.11344888314907753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954018954627033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10211351526824372,0.0,0.22768975681866366,0.0,0.056551781939948885,0.0,0.0,0.1089574620187495,0.22360480506353056,0.0,0.07268212667557017,0.05027230503889039,0.0,0.09086360228918952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748287949314924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936371193455906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07826096285883917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823079291549654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24057187972914454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915302380111184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17024179226515354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08718781200603802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10757462611247623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08270804800258855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832646029126957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16335628931285473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491326406816409,0.0,0.0,0.14619605174227673,0.0,0.0,0.19879490406633235 ptsd,sjhachman,2019/01/02,"Ashamed of my triggers So it's been 11 months since experiencing my trauma. I've come a long way and I'm really proud of myself for all the progress I've made. Unfortunately, though, a very big trigger of mine has recently become more prevalent online, and because it's online, my friends often talk about it or joke about it in real life. The problem is that I can't tell them that this thing triggers me. It's...embarrassing. Not the idea of having triggers and standing up for myself, but the trigger itself is embarrassing and I'm afraid that people are going to think I'm joking. I'm afraid they are going to ask questions that I can't answer, or make me explain why they can't make these jokes around me. I feel like knowing the trigger would be beneficial to you guys reading this but I'm just so...ashamed that this is an actual trigger that causes me actual distress when the thing is just so stupid. I am sorry this post might come off as complaining, but I just need to know if someone feels the same way.",6.0330234505862625,6.3481002713567865,6.2945854271356785,79.47025335008375,66.38693467336682,8.643383584589614,30.653685092127304,8.344100000000001,2.148034840871022,810,28,155,10,12,260,116,199,0.135,0.785,0.079,-0.9083,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,3,2,11,15,1,5,10,0,16,1,0,11,1,45,36,15,0,4,10,0,2,1,1,2,1,0,0,1,18,7,0,0,9,4,0,4,4,9,0,0,2,3,19,6,17,31,3,17,0,0,0,0,12,5,0,6,5,102,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.2960469120971413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13503251777991804,0.14180574327053036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09246625340222554,0.16752504443803842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558230963640594,0.0,0.2613277643133436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15339379230665698,0.10836436303778668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11719206978931444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17241306704149073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019278613991915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17123480053153348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16672509321394333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714016366309946,0.07410601802600217,0.0,0.0,0.13423715626952776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14352876787322766,0.20250289350446893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16091465894811133,0.0,0.0,0.121074155275298,0.0,0.0,0.11247309579993467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515983198867164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452730628312072,0.0,0.0,0.1451428212477003,0.0,0.0,0.16992280655049438,0.0,0.15172684442462214,0.17265164420188875,0.09717380511458892,0.0,0.14977142413200314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547605800669734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12852288279140647,0.0,0.0,0.16979983002816146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12191929714449715,0.1325800716082267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154660567755472,0.09719413333301384,0.1490305245114722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251566675992042,0.0,0.2408022490934988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13687283775848522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10775323746705444,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,theprincessofpirates,2019/01/02,Help with letting go of trauma when it is actually your fault. I need advice (or even better some book recommendations) on how to let go of trauma that resulted from your own mistakes. About a year ago I fucked up pretty good and I haven’t really had a day of rest since the resulting shit-storm that ensued.,5.302500000000002,6.236102250000003,6.190000000000001,77.40000000000002,68.16666666666666,9.333333333333334,25.0,9.516144504307137,1.9810000000000008,245,6,47,5,4,81,51,60,0.214,0.621,0.165,-0.5423,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,4,7,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,3,0,9,9,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,2,1,5,0,0,1,0,5,2,9,6,3,8,0,0,0,1,3,2,1,2,4,33,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.2442909587134559,0.0,0.0,0.2446245748531121,0.22190697304525625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22140106390910924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16144543797931676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534398096652803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23143077783768434,0.0,0.0,0.2845424270358388,0.20996921545725106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1677943491998867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5119692269011645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1856203140765792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546808067055307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037108338754175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25696539576632144,0.2070797921106726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16120760501471554 ptsd,legendofriss,2019/01/02,"Music to listen to during a ptsd episode to calm down? I do not like generic calm music, it actually gives me anxiety. I prefer music with meaningful and well thought out lyrics so I have something to focus on. What works for you?",2.452272727272728,5.158206954545456,3.9329090909090887,82.53936363636366,81.72727272727272,6.247272727272727,24.70909090909091,7.554174236665415,1.6009054545454542,182,7,32,3,5,60,36,44,0.081,0.721,0.198,0.6757,0,0,1,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,1,2,4,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,7,5,2,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,1,5,4,9,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,0,1,23,7,1,0.0,0.0,0.3791564099011628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2972300120106081,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37272043345545214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18981972517646234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4541793743100178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2991150369989085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.308455258694212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34934174232334914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2828598208594202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ApresMoi-Flood,2019/05/25,"Anyone else """"""enjoy"""""" relieving it? I'm crying in my car right now, it always seems like I cause this myself, like I want to think of those things like I want to relieve them because... this is me. This is all I have. My memory for other things is so bad it's practically non existent. I don't.. I don't want to forget what happened to me, I don't want ... If I don't have those things I'm nothing special, without this I'm ordinary boring human being ... I'd love to be ordinary boring human being, but those things happened and they keep happening and ... please. please. make it stop.",0.903201970443348,3.3367074482758636,3.0017733990147804,88.29913793103451,86.58620689655174,5.728078817733991,19.492610837438427,7.1686216300943375,0.6226990147783251,448,13,89,7,14,151,65,116,0.106,0.6990000000000001,0.195,0.6867,0,0,0,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,2,0,2,11,0,0,0,0,12,1,0,2,1,17,27,5,0,5,3,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,2,17,2,0,2,2,0,0,1,5,3,0,0,0,0,15,8,9,24,1,5,0,0,0,1,5,2,0,2,5,60,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324584403798732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11130901988711196,0.16310848441732154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13291660720798246,0.09704045922075508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635314968650427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17486222243692434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13298242456926662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4223123237941283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14149496752622276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333158884133523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436747649280981,0.0,0.10626024660977748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15274664626162385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3494845978372131,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13594698780968634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14492016829098636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13308957412310454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4230337977306564,0.10200222227206568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37557643421005055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15345302508436612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Petder,2019/05/25,"Help....please....I can’t take it anymore Hi. I’m new to this community and I’m a 17 year old male, and I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take the constant flashbacks to when my dad choked me when I was young. The time when the girl in the hospital was restrained. The times when I have been on the ground shaking and crying visibly afraid while they berate me. The fact that they think that they can do nothing wrong. The fact that I don’t want to live half the time. The fact that I deserve to die and be punished for my mistakes. The fact that my friends never text me and the one I still have I have to text first for her to even respond. The fact that I always feel that no one cares about or loves me. The fact that I can’t go over to her house again because I had a flashback episode there. I can’t take it anymore. I was recently diagnosed with ptsd, MDD, and GAD. My therapist is trying to help but it’s not working. All I want to do is either cry in the corner or just die...sorry for the verbal diarrhea I just needed tot get it out...",0.4304696969696949,2.5398552590909134,1.9304545454545448,97.54901515151516,85.04545454545455,4.9393939393939394,20.075757575757574,6.21433560688645,-0.10610606060606108,807,24,188,7,24,260,113,220,0.084,0.8540000000000001,0.061,-0.6978,0,1,0,0,0,3,31.0,0,0,3,2,11,8,1,2,18,0,20,2,0,0,8,30,35,14,1,4,7,1,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,2,14,8,0,1,2,0,0,2,9,5,0,4,5,1,28,3,19,29,2,27,0,0,0,1,13,7,0,2,18,128,42,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959449904787136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3918671761783172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0802900931429812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13428862768282407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14233331397550542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893577429329917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336843754272552,0.2733914346301641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08699418756215938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06659727964905396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11203371402648467,0.0,0.0,0.1017599594748622,0.0,0.06881380991225827,0.0,0.07485466698651362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1765668517334227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519773591463146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11630364619318365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1188747492644354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09766239039202654,0.1015840098881142,0.1272077640690752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1263807133035572,0.0,0.13820903759194514,0.0,0.17850220943710884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15396366685418328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13004919255683875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1474402137752812,0.0,0.0,0.10518495470862664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3961225524100589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15292717505923642,0.0,0.08439539541321124,0.0,0.0,0.2304060621952834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894234462965433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15537368190125034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0958875230549481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400582236809228,0.0,0.08481787208169188 ptsd,Rdd1988,2019/05/25,"Sent home from therapist I recently started seeing a new therapist for my PTSD from an explosion I was in at work last year. Earlier this week we had some nasty tornadoes and severe thunder storms roll through for the first time since my accident. A particular lightning strike was VERY close and VERY loud and sent me into the worst flashback I've had in months, like on the ground hyperventilating hands covering my head, then crying after. Since this happened my anxiety has almost doubled, like it feels like I'm back at square one. But to the point of my post, when I went to see my therapist yesterday he said I seemed more anxious than I did the visit before and he thought I needed to go home. At the time it looked like it may storm again soon also so I don't know if that's why he sent me home (so I wouldn't have to drive through it) or if he genuinely just thought I was unfit to discuss things. He seems like a good guy and I like him so far but this is something I've never experienced and wanted to know if anyone else has had an experience like this where a therapist sent you home. Thanks in advance for any answers. TLDR: New(ish) therapist said I seemed more anxious than visit before and sent me home (after setting up an appointment for next week). Don't know if this is something that is normal but it surprised me.",5.987884615384616,6.463214596153848,6.087500000000002,80.36125,66.5,9.423076923076923,31.25,9.354420925462401,2.5981153846153844,1065,39,207,19,16,338,144,260,0.069,0.846,0.085,0.6077,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,1,1,0,3,10,11,0,0,13,0,17,2,2,0,1,37,44,21,0,8,9,0,2,7,0,2,0,4,5,1,13,10,0,0,10,0,0,11,4,1,0,2,17,11,24,10,28,25,5,48,0,0,4,0,19,14,0,11,28,129,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408934552952446,0.0,0.0,0.06715518700547356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05710622814195426,0.0,0.06424103721020984,0.18973685288780934,0.0,0.058717630866817826,0.08604283632158112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06457198561225025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14291395209482127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922431572932352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07015076519002525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821441648609524,0.0,0.0,0.042460542301035714,0.0599921229079757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07142952803224997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04772521896929995,0.07043467569247437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831489599847084,0.07425926836896841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08618310275932653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4211714299034749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13845223655926664,0.06845125074856613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2871833554782617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07051828072541337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0670284529031212,0.0,0.0,0.062266778467727005,0.06476709216491812,0.16220814651103746,0.08930891022349335,0.0,0.08227817255892646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05690398057227825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938400259539527,0.0,0.08042532799781098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816288028181472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08291568771088133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597598851697367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383522222998046,0.2293444580366623,0.0,0.09486842644390467,0.0,0.1389308234353984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12929690438726205,0.0,0.0,0.05943829996597611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07731336944262818,0.0,0.4875102121136598,0.05578959909207868,0.0,0.0,0.1333343535359583,0.0979335933020288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385771848766542,0.04953093300207664,0.0,0.13472018160281535,0.0,0.0,0.07784614140069855,0.07577483847440862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0611351732423803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054077476803659104 ptsd,windmills_and_fries,2019/05/25,"Need support/advice [TW: mention rape/harassment] There is currently someone in my life who is taking a big toll on my mental health. He is a classmate/colleague and he is overly nosy and clingy, in a very dangerous way. When I say goodnight at 1 AM and respond to someone in a server at 2 AM, he gets mad. If I take too long to respond, even when I'm away, he gets mad. If I say something in any server on Discord he is also in, he will take it to DMs and be all intrusive about it. Today, something new happened that threw me off. I was away and he asked me whether I wanted to talk about something he brought up yesterday. Because I was away, I didn't respond. Then half an hour later, he sent me ""Alright, I guess I'll see"". I was still away, so I didn't respond. Few minutes later he tells me: ""Okay fuck it then. If you don't want to talk to me then just say so. Fuck you goddamnit."" A few minutes later I came online and saw. So I asked him what the fuck his problem is and that I was away. He asked me how he was supposed to know that blah blah. I tried to tell people many times how much his intrusive and angry behavior scares me but they all tell me to just ignore it. They did the same with a person who was in my life earlier and he nearly raped me because I took their advice by just shrugging it off. I see this guy 9 hours a day because we go to the same company and my dad picks him up on our way to work, so I can't just cut contact and throw him out of my life. What do I do...? I'm very desperate.",1.3373765020026729,2.884751049844237,3.107239652870493,93.20435747663556,79.0,5.831820204717403,23.613818424566087,6.5431188927421005,0.5208939919893192,1161,39,265,10,28,387,156,321,0.12300000000000001,0.8640000000000001,0.013000000000000001,-0.9812,1,0,3,0,0,0,46.0,2,2,3,1,19,13,8,1,11,2,23,8,0,3,2,38,51,28,0,7,9,1,0,2,0,1,4,3,0,2,13,15,0,1,1,0,0,7,4,11,0,1,15,6,44,2,39,34,7,51,0,0,3,4,48,24,3,4,18,174,57,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18363791686812594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07514168803076154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063897646198297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635264474039713,0.0,0.4414037846253113,0.0,0.0,0.17183579946657784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746794042789726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06059796718335875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620612713371262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26060014187128416,0.09818293953615212,0.0,0.05340099067401341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10351016420143977,0.09303753723065336,0.0830906297188752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987762495654362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18506805052274067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0516392713186829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.199105241108272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08315375688236064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09526311382582832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469198728603162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06907316690195585,0.06967192038228008,0.0,0.0907494602031783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06514168912680479,0.08204433322526253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990931577109801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2241679878146872,0.09407274262823684,0.0,0.1497517163568193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15922805349062305,0.2170105114595013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503848472739702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10662740481610446,0.0,0.0,0.2119440668692082,0.15104681707747367,0.2463818069824319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054790224283291264,0.0,0.08906535743981926,0.0,0.10439567080224624,0.06379429384917577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155057621883087,0.11084290228277502,0.14916594059577726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06840573781904707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Spiralmushroomfairy,2019/05/25,"Waking up feeling weird/yucky after dreaming Does anyone else wake up feeling worse/weird if they dream? I’ve found if I don’t dream/don’t remember my dreams at all when I wake up I feel pretty much fine, but if I do dream (especially if it’s a good dream) I wake up feeling horrible and weird.",1.8605000000000016,4.073889383333338,3.0599999999999987,90.935,80.16666666666666,6.0,21.666666666666664,7.1686216300943375,0.6071666666666666,233,7,49,3,6,75,39,60,0.11199999999999999,0.609,0.27899999999999997,0.631,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,2,4,4,0,1,13,7,7,0,4,5,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,5,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,4,7,2,6,6,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,4,2,26,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.203058752976038,0.2975554494971144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2541364046801937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24259709885283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5873523603083265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184153864053911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2435789251243101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213481956484885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29544748744253624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3289735900553549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ExpiredTrashLettice,2019/05/25,"Side effects I was diagnosed with PTSD around 2 years ago. I was sexually abused for 4 years as a child and I still have nightmares about it. I got arrested because of it (officer grabbed/wrapped himself around me triggering memories). I’ve had bad luck where I live because it’s ghetto and so it’s common to hear gunshots. I was asked to work one day that I’m not normally there and someone came in with a gun threatening to kill us all. Shot a hole in the door/window. Someone across the street one morning (still dark) was beating the crap out of a girl so I went to go help her. Guy saw me and started crossing the highway waving his gun. Is it normal to have a reaction most people don’t. Normally if someone shoots at them or something of that nature, it evokes fear. It wasn’t like that for me though. It’s almost as if my brain didn’t process the danger because I started laughing. In one situation, I just looked at my boss and said “of all days to tell you I can work” and went back to working (while this man is threatening to shoot us and waving a gun.",2.9362668743509843,4.707907434579443,3.8793769470405017,88.4247871235722,75.12149532710279,6.9985462097611615,27.77673935617861,7.793537801064563,1.6150184839044657,837,34,173,12,18,269,129,214,0.19399999999999998,0.755,0.051,-0.9846,0,0,1,6,1,0,22.0,2,1,1,5,12,8,3,1,11,0,13,3,2,3,2,29,26,16,1,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,4,12,13,0,0,1,0,0,5,4,5,0,3,13,4,22,3,28,13,3,29,0,0,2,0,16,12,1,6,13,113,34,4,0.0,0.1408390772284793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536926103667717,0.0,0.11902907633786207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21163534478570573,0.11112548245069903,0.0,0.0,0.09140211231670567,0.09924976884041974,0.21738238768217005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13269593845298305,0.0,0.13595326213758716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15331998146947778,0.0,0.0,0.12064846188194504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375948522289854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06755539237659366,0.0,0.09506955429766584,0.0,0.0,0.11769795380270535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13397281291589538,0.0,0.07967467781067179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13150976923595556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05807287360660149,0.0,0.1049625730727599,0.0,0.09981913602518064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34939604372414823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24164398729043954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08240806609561435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1389502664937035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11307063604698868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13361255039388348,0.0,0.0,0.3021492718155181,0.0915103513152988,0.0,0.0,0.16827068636320555,0.0,0.18985618862577372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038958231240708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678715229906872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859670036842317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22038355154371847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25961183870461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15309411850189025 ptsd,Misscampsalot,2019/05/25,"The 7th anniversary of my assault passed without my realizing! Seven years ago I was sexually assaulted. Each year The Day has been especially tough for me. Last year, I couldn’t work, couldn’t get out of bed, and pretty much wallowed for the entirety of The Day. This year, it slipped by without it feeling any different. In fact, I didn’t even realize it had come and gone until just now, two days after the anniversary. It really does get better.",4.53142857142857,6.652957857142859,5.525714285714287,76.81928571428574,71.61904761904762,9.561904761904762,29.857142857142854,9.957137785484203,3.2596142857142856,356,15,64,10,7,117,61,84,0.12,0.809,0.071,-0.5092,2,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,0,2,3,4,2,0,5,0,7,0,0,0,1,14,12,3,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,5,5,0,0,3,0,0,3,5,3,0,2,5,1,6,1,12,5,2,17,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,12,44,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17856611012709947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13698741514599252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17815901058768524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17352437948391794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3897401257217784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046393445097825,0.0,0.0,0.17628318401205995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13305049007225525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10185508874893984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2104901807611689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16420205306235738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14808299135905947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20493885502265655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12904885387058912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1967794877816774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38836564994302136,0.0,0.14665211885747784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5188879746381457 ptsd,EJ_Fit4,2019/05/25,"Hostels with PTSD? Hey guys, Been abused as a kid and in EMS for a bit- long story short- I've found out from some friends that I wake up like yelling, ""No, no, no"", in the middle of the night- or will half wake up asking what's wrong to random people that are walking by. But next month, I really need to go out of state for an educators conference. I can't afford to get a single bedroom, so I'm considering sleeping in one of the dorms, but I don't want to wake up freaking myself and everyone else out... What do I do? I've thought about putting a note on my bunk, but I don't feel like that's enough to make up for all that... Any ideas would be real helpful. Thanks guys.",4.726056338028169,4.105563119718312,5.376161971830985,88.13283450704228,69.2112676056338,8.508450704225353,27.609154929577464,7.645422480735847,1.243433802816901,521,14,122,5,8,169,94,142,0.077,0.815,0.107,0.7292,1,0,0,0,2,2,26.0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,0,8,0,10,4,4,1,1,22,21,8,0,3,4,0,1,2,1,2,0,1,2,3,6,6,0,0,4,0,0,3,6,2,0,2,3,2,8,4,27,15,5,21,0,0,0,0,7,13,0,3,6,75,14,1,0.0,0.21507254119558916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1234404120592817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.169697504219552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817376987379226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15163738952965092,0.0,0.0,0.1875595759814898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17345096435041288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917824028733172,0.12967854143094815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19902825800023108,0.1402425691576564,0.0,0.09483715938394904,0.0,0.10316249009732316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3594683878367557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166960876832507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491496053370936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773638502450574,0.0,0.0,0.16064025241213808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12116658617764033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488822174509475,0.0,0.0,0.1345954205302062,0.0,0.0,0.1930494980538588,0.1703450341980461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300323516717925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12584371141146547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21218817605659634,0.1824786046061504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661048307872976,0.11628691351381824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18165195608470355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16712002337058754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14410728984957075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10706570856437203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12894721361779912,0.19846456903858467,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Available_Newt,2019/09/12,"Don't feel like I've been through something bad enough for ASD Hi guys, I was really hoping you could help me understand some things. I would appreciate any advice or just discussion. I've been told I may have ASD, but what triggered it really wasn't that bad. I feel like it's an insult to you guys with actual bad experiences for me to post here, but I'm not sure where would be better. (There's a description of the sort of thing that happened here. Relates to sex, if you want to avoid those sort of triggers: https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/ciyivx/did_i_do_the_right_thing/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) I would have forgotten about it, but I had my first real MH problems afterwards (panic attacks, depression etc) At the time of these incidents I felt very strange, on edge and not myself. But I wouldn't say I was actually scared. I don't see why I should be traumatised. I don't think I was raped per se, everyone has dealt with someone pushy before and I should have just walked out. Sorry for spilling my guts, just really don't understand my own brain and would appreciate any insight. Thanks for reading.",8.163807692307696,9.617329950000002,6.6350000000000025,74.89461538461539,62.0,9.953846153846156,29.384615384615394,10.035473477838034,2.7026576923076933,930,28,162,19,13,275,122,200,0.244,0.653,0.10300000000000001,-0.9864,0,1,1,0,0,0,41.0,0,3,0,2,8,17,3,3,4,0,26,4,2,2,1,44,39,9,0,12,11,0,3,2,0,8,0,1,0,2,10,6,0,1,7,1,0,1,8,11,0,1,9,5,23,6,19,19,4,9,0,1,1,2,11,4,0,7,5,105,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.2350899505765492,0.0,0.0,0.11770550067610795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051102259878924,0.0,0.16382465159842588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13703293644747971,0.0,0.0,0.30172024302739786,0.0,0.0,0.10249682553139727,0.0,0.0,0.10653109195301742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13446563911954584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0961721014737888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10374618908109123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446038406919613,0.1343371899897708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11509822160376028,0.0,0.1178263704944518,0.0,0.0,0.12180954294260195,0.17210362081029448,0.11565398881031776,0.0,0.0,0.1024574545059674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23853526740384975,0.10651639203222586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08073725992187697,0.0,0.0,0.11963723438913886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769472609422928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1413259103777641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536089641727493,0.0,0.0,0.11525747197277475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048582471015952,0.1371021444367023,0.23149626739793164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09578924182718976,0.12059469481983855,0.0,0.09598562786760394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10205962950045283,0.09273078000066856,0.0,0.1348375274933745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11352574222003126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11089714926850276,0.0,0.0,0.16004754527573098,0.07718156504227015,0.0,0.0,0.07023724611352766,0.0,0.0,0.11509822160376028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2507921174594918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09938652827619417,0.07104643491984353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086903032900272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34226606980830043,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,h0nneybun,2019/09/12,"Too much to recover from I’m completely ruined. Not just mentally. I deal with a lot of chronic pain, my vision is completely fucked and my body is full of scars. Some bones didn’t “heal properly”. I still can’t eat much. I hate sleeping in a bed and sleeping is still a problem. I seek self destructive shit and I trigger myself. I get worse when I rest so I can’t have any time for myself. I overwork myself. I do overnight shifts at the clinic even though small animals aren’t my major. They need the people. I don’t need the money and honestly most of the time I’m not even getting paid, I just need to keep myself from thinking about other stuff. It’s not healthy. It’s not healthy and it’s been years and I’m angry it doesn’t get better. Everyday I’m reminded of what happened. I’ve tried therapy. Different therapists and psychiatrists. Medication and treatments. It only seems to get worse. I feel like the only time I actually functioned properly was when I was in pain or in a lot of stress. Today it feels like there’s no hope for me.",1.3871770334928222,3.9262523492823007,3.0837971291866033,87.84337990430626,85.3157894736842,6.597588516746413,23.192535885167466,7.839951260653429,1.4389164019138752,827,31,165,17,25,273,117,209,0.21899999999999997,0.708,0.073,-0.986,2,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,1,13,14,4,1,9,0,14,13,5,1,0,31,35,13,0,5,7,0,2,2,0,0,6,0,1,1,9,9,1,1,4,0,2,0,11,9,0,0,5,2,24,5,18,30,9,16,0,1,0,1,3,6,2,7,12,108,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.11582146940881845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071128445509221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049690773890123,0.0,0.13183458995920871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24888229084121216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.122361168101984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400273749896885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144651325503047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567833941485298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12002350774270873,0.16958014754727516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972429310012767,0.24803640299822796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10495459300614443,0.0,0.0,0.11717891978558058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11788305071292585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10549453017884304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11596902449016748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20180702250599086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11956474673655156,0.11960866129157295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1744973204407771,0.2640148981570755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18053374539679012,0.2525828426809287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08228267727863275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11356750666282292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804826019316303,0.12381650928634715,0.0,0.12183058219434052,0.0,0.0,0.2375455890788079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1895673110435623,0.0,0.13595564930952272,0.0,0.13586831113609293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1357290198326097,0.13780484785952946,0.0,0.0760498885855799,0.1166094536397113,0.0,0.20762217267425173,0.0,0.11250147426575008,0.0,0.0,0.08058073659698896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2419045487866391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643058830753333 ptsd,westofhearts7,2019/09/12,"I don't want to call it the R word. It's weird. I can use the word rape in every other context other than my own assault. I was in therapy and my therapist brought up how I used to call it ""the event"" or something vague. I felt I had made progress finally admitting it was an assault. Then a sexual assault. Typing that even seems uncomfortable but I can do it. For some reason though when she asked why I have never called it what it was/is I didn't even notice until she tried to get me to say it.....and I couldn't. I just sat there and felt like my brain had turned off trying to find the word....or maybe avoid the word? I felt like I sat there unable to grab that word for 5 minutes. I think it was probably only 1...but still too long. I realize now I do avoid that word above all others....but only in the context of my assault. I can say it in any other context. Weird example: ""I heard in this fantasy story that the Half human Half Orcs were only made through rape."" I could easily talk about it. It was just a conversation about a story. &#x200B; But when it comes to me I can't say it.",0.3898785425101181,2.590972157894736,2.4247368421052653,93.29738866396762,86.19298245614037,5.612955465587046,18.856950067476387,7.010146845296331,0.2216978407557364,844,23,188,12,26,282,118,228,0.13,0.8170000000000001,0.053,-0.9163,0,2,1,0,0,0,43.0,0,0,0,1,15,12,6,2,11,0,18,3,1,6,2,35,37,11,0,3,5,0,4,2,0,0,0,4,0,1,22,3,0,2,9,1,0,2,5,10,0,2,17,8,28,2,22,18,3,19,0,0,0,2,14,7,0,3,12,126,50,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359253049023054,0.14981966734726282,0.08384636534108786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11526629487780855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13764051982941794,0.3777008660030864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10620967263517116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09844282990520273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16287335573884576,0.0,0.10388325993408497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3551541176860528,0.13506612240957586,0.11269146259096845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06441772982577842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12047362721705104,0.0,0.0,0.10911419580942604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333336986156063,0.0,0.0,0.1238686706836637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09509444851165044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037474855229187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28131936832246474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329353008745542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12677011916242462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29415279157165153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11224519544928754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492025507075524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09846535169025768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910166775927234,0.0,0.0,0.14100116311003333,0.14315762284556416,0.0,0.0790039061519762,0.12113893265494942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1674214931847447,0.13411201397687475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129784917073336,0.0,0.0,0.07272391890169305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11125660014865346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14981966734726282,0.0 ptsd,raymondstanford,2019/09/12,"Saw my lieutenant at the jail I used to work at today and had a panic attack. Worried about my job. Okay, so I have a new job away from the jail where I’m working part-time. I’ve been there four months but I’ve been having panic attacks here and there and have been needing to call in; I’ve called in about three times prior to today. So, I saw a bunch of prison guards come into this place where I work, including my former lieutenant. I broke down, had a panic attack, and left for the day; this is my fourth absence. I don’t know, I feel like no one really anywhere really understands what I’m going through. I have these flashbacks to being at the jail that are incredibly vivid—of the worst things I’ve ever seen: attempted suicides, attempted murders, my brother being beat up, addicts, etc. I’m worried I will lose my job because of my PTSD and my panic attacks.",3.8188172521120483,5.1893901791907515,4.605780346820811,85.74387727879059,72.0635838150289,6.941574032903514,26.024455313472657,7.321109707123232,1.2495259226322817,683,22,134,7,13,220,100,173,0.304,0.672,0.024,-0.9956,3,0,0,0,0,1,23.0,0,0,0,7,10,14,5,4,9,1,15,1,0,1,1,15,28,8,2,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,3,0,0,2,2,12,0,3,8,4,17,2,20,17,3,24,0,2,3,0,3,13,0,0,10,88,23,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11514261570163595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4806371072033817,0.09923452307254428,0.0,0.0,0.06438565700612782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570195402835846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098324621235374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811688732699492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779547322781983,0.0,0.09554035381229542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053405213983115256,0.07545575227200152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06002691895398435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3144380046493121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058046607659618214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475766054649543,0.0,0.0,0.05160114618202171,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181630212042867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08430577369618368,0.0,0.0,0.07831672531481257,0.0,0.1020095399725401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157160729149296,0.0,0.0,0.4956945278837176,0.0,0.11437738486494285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11035159453630956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12346544209166554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13532719356265482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553236693301284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701699817308268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06158852693577885,0.0,0.20023295168002808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1099553152786556,0.0,0.09122273926738028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306803091978763,0.21452675730503445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,braindamage97,2019/09/12,"Disability for veterans vs civilians I have been dealing with ptsd for 22 years. (Not diagnosed) by doctors. I was in an accident when I was a teenager and had a TBI. I have been told by family for years to go see a physiologist. I have refused for years and I am now considering seeking help. I have been researching a lot and found something interesting. A veteran in Illinois with ptsd can get $3,300 a month and continue working a job that pays $75,000 a year and also be exempt from property taxes. Do the math on that. Now, I am a veteran myself and have nothing but respect for the ones who are truly dealing with ptsd. My ptsd is not service related. I had it before I joined and have been struggling my whole life since my accident. I looked into it, and what I found is if I were to get disability for ptsd, I can’t work. Or I can’t make more than a certain amount a month. Am I wrong? Is this the way it is? Please tell me I am wrong. I can still work my $75,000 a year job now. That is why I’m not seeking help or anything because I’m not sure it’s worth it. If I could get what the veterans are getting I would go seek help and get on disability. This is my first time posting on reddit and I have been reading this page for months and finally created an account to post this question. Am I wrong in my findings?",2.6913770053475963,4.201422014705884,4.459024064171126,85.11458556149732,75.17647058823529,7.886631016042781,28.172459893048128,8.575989854853784,2.0205455882352945,1036,43,220,20,22,351,132,272,0.121,0.7879999999999999,0.091,-0.8719,2,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,0,0,4,6,8,0,1,18,0,38,3,0,1,2,36,53,18,0,4,10,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,15,15,0,1,4,1,4,2,6,4,0,2,13,2,30,4,24,37,5,29,0,0,2,0,10,7,0,6,17,156,45,12,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07289608030010453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07501224214028733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055566830098450606,0.0,0.07756561624242267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07277931074907447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18795221179416025,0.0,0.09251972049596696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09330031357638263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593218452966618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985510680650933,0.08331340111386147,0.07753582177967973,0.0,0.19989202352382932,0.0,0.0,0.2381218612495655,0.0,0.10361020643253076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18329646661047186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18091320327425547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06438499508669772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07654667470386263,0.0,0.0,0.07749614690663421,0.0,0.0,0.06084621937075601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21827553625095786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746503272021247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06176852931485829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1000600750758414,0.0,0.0,0.17460129081057668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5327726362320665,0.0,0.10211370498997584,0.0,0.09117899206797647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07263819476717273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07540379911741585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07017505233066046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07279596122524137,0.0,0.0,0.09529429160241057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859118719923452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967289732664168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05315281960900951,0.0,0.0,0.08710186330958934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235405983466166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0822525996347494,0.10177054789876946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990843014467724,0.0,0.0,0.0647534167178196,0.29898883230084866,0.0,0.2935019815509764 ptsd,GodlyPumpkin,2019/09/12,"How to deal with anxiety after discussing trauma in therapy? I found myself picking at little blemishes on my face after my first therapy visit today. Whenever I realize I'm doing it to cope with anxiety it's usually too late, my face will be all red and marked up by the time I realize what's happening and then I'm filled with guilt. I tried to sleep it off and a normal dream turned into a nightmare because an abuser we talked about appeared in the dream for only a few seconds. The rest of the night I felt super anxious. I don't feel good. How can I handle this better? We haven't had the opportunity yet to discuss how to navigate it. Any tips would be appreciated.",3.093320802005014,5.225908601503762,5.234755639097749,77.27263471177945,75.76691729323308,8.34310776942356,26.87280701754386,9.075114841892004,2.532494235588973,536,21,97,13,12,186,92,133,0.138,0.7559999999999999,0.106,-0.3449,0,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,2,0,0,4,6,6,0,1,9,0,9,3,3,4,1,22,17,7,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,9,0,0,5,2,0,3,2,2,0,2,3,3,13,4,21,10,3,21,0,0,1,0,7,8,0,1,10,72,19,0,0.0,0.2220814020094692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12746313231042108,0.0,0.286776559829134,0.21174970200872134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11425944744559904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16577220261168027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19323862660268756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09477344061028953,0.0,0.1799682713697178,0.0,0.0,0.15943324710245932,0.0,0.20551426198101835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15721270129616066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1657493281794074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21143634512969672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878604446062533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17589629903358814,0.18364780753981005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425537756669607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1875716949304398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15065422261772704,0.0,0.0,0.4286995586822479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10929563172743176,0.0,0.1776677251051729,0.0,0.0,0.12725696487023475,0.20387690405435574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20643463741012516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13314939148560473,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,TransexualMuslimGoat,2019/09/12,"I finished therapy today [SUCCESS POST] I finished my sessions with my therapist today because I don't feel like I need to go anymore. I've finally gotten to a point now where I realized that I can handle things that are thrown at me, that my emotions are real, and that even though I have PTSD it doesn't define the person that I am. In spite of what happened to me, I've been able to move forward. I am strong, and resilient, and capable. I'm lucky to be alive. I've been able to take care of myself and build up my own stability. The dissociations have lessened. I've let go of all the anger and pain that I held onto. While letting go has been terrifying, holding on was infinitely more damaging. I'm facing my problems head on, instead of avoiding them. I understand my emotions, even the hard ones and that they will pass. In a very real way, I am good enough and deserve love and kindness, especially from myself. It's taken me a lot of work to get to this point. But I want you all to know it's doable. I love you all and hope that things get brighter for you, because they've gotten brighter for me. There's a life that is waiting for me to build it, so I'm going to go and get to work :)",3.3963433515482717,4.547924053278691,4.688469945355191,85.59250455373406,72.81147540983606,7.38943533697632,27.899817850637522,7.793537801064563,1.5768577413479052,935,35,196,12,18,310,130,244,0.102,0.7390000000000001,0.159,0.9312,0,1,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,3,2,4,8,16,2,1,8,0,20,6,2,0,3,31,47,14,0,4,1,0,2,1,0,1,2,0,0,1,17,11,0,4,4,0,0,8,2,6,0,2,8,2,32,10,29,35,7,28,0,1,0,2,8,11,0,3,10,135,49,4,0.2342525845338529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11615780915520316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14279820127795545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11941806102431128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635026280646901,0.0,0.12102276974321274,0.0,0.15472162279586796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0592225726214719,0.08367504659843204,0.0,0.1283061280904816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835809605000932,0.0,0.3328278553587941,0.0982399769342003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10357439343612268,0.0,0.1049221519227924,0.0,0.12020536680200365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11633283617493695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196900951654616,0.0643695471127349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23953913878404146,0.08272976406410844,0.05722199012407565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957658520949286,0.21142210337332584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12448671257795604,0.0,0.08684766161406553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07936780689233855,0.0,0.1246306329896264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10227016063578252,0.0,0.0,0.2214444095111915,0.0,0.11217461129411617,0.0,0.0,0.1120740434481612,0.13691436781486468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2666307256168969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08806439523780446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394412286481838,0.13599265283008946,0.15562700826234335,0.0,0.11507598746958785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22204405970232224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12193260093042267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09664145757785818,0.06908412181662578,0.09296939902133576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17053867147546148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lostgirlofneverland,2019/09/12,"[TW: SEXUAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSE] Does anyone else experience this? So I (F20) was emotionally and sexually abused by my ex boyfriend from ages 16-18. One tactic he would use for sex was begging and guilt tripping (particularly for blowjobs) until I caved. Since then, brushing my teeth - especially in the back of my mouth - has been near impossible without pain or gagging. This gagging may also result in vomiting as well. I know I have an overactive gag reflex. But I think this may be related to my PTSD over the relationship. Does anyone else experience something similar?",5.716969696969699,8.533000898989902,6.578787878787877,67.48818181818183,70.31313131313132,10.056565656565658,33.22222222222222,10.25414643259724,4.237634343434344,455,22,71,14,9,150,79,99,0.08199999999999999,0.87,0.048,-0.52,1,0,1,0,2,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,1,3,0,9,5,2,2,0,12,12,9,0,1,3,1,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,1,2,1,1,3,1,9,1,13,5,0,9,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,3,4,47,12,0,0.0,0.3904550142712292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1317678597151633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2304243913797745,0.33765613324828564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266992576610804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883856298614618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752912053008563,0.3706919436642868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32235665700506505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09055421081474607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11165356041181444,0.0,0.17532869376806728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926092862663948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17690312930165933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13630084338128334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684929577753234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055790447632296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14230983507523207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14814953619190574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588340277648265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170490799371407,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NinaD4days,2019/09/12,"I dont know if this is ok here but i just need to put it into words where someone can hear me Im sorry if this isnt the right place for this. Il probably be reported if it isnt so i suppose itl figure itself out. Im also sorry about the poor grammar and punctuation. Im on mobile. Ok I guess il just drop it then My entire life from day my very first birthay has been cursed On my first birthday my dad found out my mom cheated on him and tried to kill herself because he wouldnt forgive her on the spot he took my older brother and i a few hours away. We lived with my dad for two years and then he left my brother and i with his parents for a year. I dont know where he went or why. After that my mom took us back and moved us to another province where she lived with a severely abusive man. He got my mom pregnant without her consent to try to entrap her so she couldnt escape the beatings he gave her At four years old i watched my mother get thrown around by her hair and then have a shot gun held to her face while my new born baby sister screamed and cried on the couch next to them My mother moved us in with her mother and step father who had also moved to new province. It was later discovered that my father was in the same town from when he left my brother and i with our grandparents 2 years prior. He has a new wife and her three kids. Dad refuses to take my brother and i on weekends hes supposed to because his wife doesnt like us. When we do get a chance to go to his house he does not acknoweldge is and the other children begin to beat me My older brother became afraid of becoming a target as well and joins them on the abuse Grade 2 i excell in spelling but cannot read like the other kids Been dealing with bullies since kindergarten Bullies begin getting violent My teachers decide to asign me a reading tutor Tutor turns out to be a close friend of my moms. She gets close to me and takes advantage of how much of an extrovert i was at age 7. Learns that my dad will only take my brother when my mom goes back to college for 1 month. Tutor convinces my mom to let me stay with her. Refuses to return me to my mother for 4 months. Demands that she revokes her role as a mother and signs me over to tutor. Tutor is actually a drug addict I have only a single memory of my time with the tutor and that is when i woke up from a night terror only to poke my head into her room and see her crazy eyed with this snarled face scream ""GET OUT"" Bullying increases at school and dads when step siblings learn of kidnapping incident Mom gets new boyfriend who has ocd Boyfriend refuses to do anything around the house and makes all three children twelve and under do it every day. He throws away any toy left out of the toy box for longer than a day and gave us minimum 2 major chores and 3 every day chores each every day Begins mentally abusing my mom and kicks out my brother and threatens his life while my moms out of province Suddenly i get sent out of province for several months to stay with grandparents feom mothers side. Moms step father. My most trusted adult. He molested me when i was eleven years old. Immediately suppressed this memory until age 14. Lost all capability to make physical contact or be alone with any family relations regardless of age gender or family placement. Since then iv had 3 other counts of sexual assaults on my person and iv been raped twice All were different people. Different times. Different places. The last time it happened was the only party i ever went to where the boys who raped me filmed it 5 years later and people still see the video The bullying at school too never ceased and only ever got worse over the years My dad repeatedly abandoned me As i got older i began to see serious signs of borderline personality disorder in my mother My brother didnt grow out of beating me until he graduated I became depressed at the young age of 8 and grew to be suicidal at 12 14 i was going out of my way to die every night for a year and a half while my fathers girlfriend abused me and called me a slut for letting her son sexually assault me Now i am 19 years old I live with my boyfriend and our two cats and i work at a job i hate making minimum wage because im the only woman who works there and i want to die so badly that im no longer allowed to drink because i lose the only barrier stopping me Im addicted to pot and iv been diagnosed with severe general anxiety disorder I just need someone to tell me this life is worth living everything in here is barely scraping the barrel and i just dont understand how one person can attract so much negativity.",4.192655416829234,5.276376518240344,5.274998049161142,82.39488815190529,70.83476394849785,8.137755234750943,27.85511770061127,8.484438967287268,1.9383413447782547,3673,128,722,58,66,1213,398,932,0.2,0.768,0.032,-0.9996,10,1,2,1,2,1,31.0,9,0,2,11,36,32,9,2,41,2,48,20,5,6,6,124,95,70,4,9,14,40,1,2,2,2,11,3,4,11,27,68,1,8,9,8,3,18,15,20,1,11,29,9,117,12,123,57,12,155,0,4,5,3,117,55,0,8,80,464,144,21,0.0,0.18970023536634567,0.03906025608670643,0.08726995710282927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04145555879630361,0.0,0.06401862721200034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05443901646205285,0.04197145357412392,0.03062029305746302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03293853898690675,0.07126444504559679,0.0,0.0,0.0752127482851479,0.061556077193446974,0.03342059760612348,0.09759954627958696,0.04420631237348981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040871705407122864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043967417581103736,0.1290694544061987,0.041265739292788914,0.03447491229283982,0.040626227581822966,0.08308272830469972,0.12545805299013696,0.0917480633317127,0.0,0.03502760872664137,0.0,0.14073287771076665,0.039210898371171116,0.04641822967227115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.072412829324579,0.13489678353205986,0.0,0.035973390138107686,0.0,0.07546716454807285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06809333025389426,0.0,0.04388717776024949,0.030924506017477187,0.0,0.14638598155790306,0.0,0.04549615804893335,0.0,0.09603895371941182,0.0,0.04409388974567701,0.0,0.035395452166348665,0.0,0.0,0.039518049962159435,0.04107891120214695,0.0,0.04511296623593896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03941820727535665,0.09237080638974697,0.0,0.0,0.2594140338193641,0.0,0.039720293843175235,0.0,0.04428358000486443,0.0,0.043995222182082745,0.03262707840803452,0.0,0.0,0.13046728249249867,0.08185996410423478,0.08481606243160096,0.03911001835698158,0.0,0.1413771320317447,0.0,0.0,0.04477960539979418,0.04369383868857882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015433928243268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040337469072735284,0.0,0.0,0.4687875224000338,0.09584671855620676,0.12762604735261635,0.058848416080808874,0.05935853738435307,0.030871035535745082,0.15463202956151775,0.042568817728419264,0.07512463678817656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600377113173847,0.0,0.027123107548182927,0.21309460389507814,0.0,0.0,0.04444488029271413,0.0,0.0,0.05549890641878712,0.10484923325361678,0.08363870199342464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04315552023786695,0.0,0.0,0.040237858876215976,0.0,0.0,0.08007500374141997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034182557550861414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08101825409656371,0.0956882213626849,0.0,0.0,0.13565623217324366,0.0,0.06622095023756007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782893534369099,0.0,0.0,0.08961316025755978,0.0,0.08532620918608569,0.031965350434701466,0.033464088466978986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04378268048191089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09028522357083917,0.0,0.03498507390147655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001961963812893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894220647398432,0.05435096313661826,0.04353752310518117,0.0782004811414565,0.041669175175165,0.24073577879375746,0.0,0.0,0.033026194752401976,0.02360876707158943,0.03177130762559897,0.0,0.0,0.0359887834165411,0.07421024835829572,0.036117844001739736,0.0,0.0,0.03858428160720444,0.0,0.05827978507491915,0.0,0.04079059639104299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319827688812175 ptsd,Pyrollamasteak,2019/09/12,Physical touch triggers and TSA body searches... Has anyone been in a situation where TSA did a pat down / search and the agent touches a triggering area? What happened? What should one do in that situation?,4.526666666666664,7.697708333333335,4.63666666666667,77.85000000000005,76.77777777777777,8.044444444444443,31.222222222222207,8.841846274778883,3.2095222222222226,164,8,27,4,4,51,29,36,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,5,1,1,2,0,5,6,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,3,3,0,5,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,19,3,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469386235394309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3922826393004315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3122994106773649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239311266973712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7939362963726662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,beatrey,2019/09/12,"I'm terrified to talk about my trauma in therapy again I was sexually assaulted at 18 (that was in 2013). I was diagnosed with PTSD last year and I struggle with flashbacks of my assault constantly. It's like a movie playing in my head. I started doing exposure therapy and it worked, though it was incredibly draining. I eventually stopped because life got in the way (a breakup, then finals, then I moved). I meant to put it on hold and come back to it but I never did. I convinced myself I was probably over it and that I shouldn't give it more attention because I'd talked about it in quite a bit of detail. But I'm not over it, I think about it every day. And I mean every single day. I feel like I'm carrying a poisonous secret. My therapist is on vacation right now and I'm psyching myself to talk about it again when he comes back. I know I need to do it, but it hurts just to think about it and I want to keep putting it off indefinitely even though I know that's a bad idea. There's also a little voice in my head that still blames me for what happened. I had a crush on my abuser and I didn't even register it as abuse at the time, but I remember subconsciously having my guard up when I was around him because I thought he might do something to me again. Why did I keep seeing him after what he did to me? That's one of the things that makes me ashamed to talk about it. I feel guilty. At this point I'm just musing, so thank you if you've read up until this point. I feel really alone.",2.338377171215882,3.947312425806455,3.8670967741935516,88.57372208436728,76.35483870967742,7.349875930521091,24.18114143920595,8.139509932561175,1.245861042183623,1172,38,257,20,26,389,156,310,0.18,0.7809999999999999,0.039,-0.9927,0,1,1,0,2,0,30.0,0,1,0,2,25,13,3,2,10,0,18,5,2,1,1,47,46,23,0,4,8,0,3,2,0,2,3,1,0,0,28,13,0,5,14,2,0,5,4,8,0,1,14,5,42,5,43,30,3,51,0,1,1,0,12,22,0,3,25,179,70,3,0.0,0.2377105776719045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1038947032421994,0.0,0.08022080113363256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893004289981068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15427003177526424,0.0837577196227484,0.1834508361191443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10951654045245536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17282267890711248,0.0,0.1084034340738078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12938802951907402,0.0,0.0,0.101816257723196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251245843712928,0.0,0.16903717740550905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15216480834220375,0.07166410185102906,0.0,0.1098887159957644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623000751897927,0.0,0.0,0.08023000120359651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08870704208850645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20590152021978125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738785241689268,0.11324191682327728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17832678800696194,0.0,0.0,0.110259532989088,0.08176902512685387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0708545077537246,0.09801637871922447,0.1005406450179678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06696014989804328,0.0,0.0,0.10927098842910857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064169454321428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661754981865278,0.0,0.07438131104131017,0.07736808208339988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0679751350975876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18965767409382464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10815509665197663,0.0,0.11726130547667453,0.201685878971614,0.0,0.10669592988294284,0.10034081064629906,0.0,0.06426350205699677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113635826721668,0.08566732124529483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993700282832733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722635969429617,0.0,0.0,0.0710025279343371,0.0,0.08011062192562554,0.083866715140202,0.0,0.10486962240405134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.322513294342807,0.0,0.09235534456217992,0.22943483519998345,0.11647189597848145,0.0666439412003417,0.12855389124689987,0.19711533179553245,0.07963784434415888,0.058493704380152826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05916759826756213,0.07962431753959506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051747927815627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07302954237246681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459871092491158 ptsd,mamaola,2019/09/12,"I guess iam traumatized , i guess iam traumatizing myself",7.666666666666668,11.617609000000002,7.58666666666667,56.70000000000002,70.1111111111111,12.488888888888884,31.222222222222207,11.20814326018867,5.632022222222222,47,2,6,2,1,15,6,9,0.545,0.455,0.0,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,radlipsandrosycheeks,2019/09/12,"I was sexually assaulted when I was 14, at a sleepover. I’m turning 18 in a few months, and I’m sick of being traumatized. Intimacy terrifies me. I’ve never had a positive sexual or romantic experience. Ever. Every time I’ve been touched in a sensual way has been without my consent. Every kiss I didn’t want. Even my first real relationship was extremely unhealthy— she was an alcoholic, significantly older than me, and lived across the globe. Every subsiding relationship has also been from across the globe. Long distance became a crutch because I don’t want to be touched. But I do. I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever be properly intimate with someone. I know I’m really young, but I’m afraid that I’m becoming sex repulsed. I have a normal libido, but pornographic content upsets me. Masturbation upsets me. Even the thought of someone hypothetically touching me makes me panic, but I’m so touch starved. I crave hugs, but when I get them, it feels like my insides are on fire. My trauma has also affected my clothing to an irritating degree, my everyday outfit for the past several years only shows my hands and face. However, I don’t hate my body. In a perfect world, I would love to show it off— but I don’t feel like I truly have it in me yet. Wearing tight or revealing clothing in a serious way makes me feel like I’m suffocating. I’m 5’1 and 130 pounds, but my safety blanket jacket that wear nonstop, (no matter what temperature it is) is an XXL. Contrary to how depressing this all is, however, I’ve actually been very happy these past few months. So happy that I’ve developed my first real crush in a long time. They’re extremely unattainable, (celebrity twice my age, lol) but it was enough to sort of overturn my mental rock of, holy shit, I’ll never be able to experience intimacy IRL will I? I guess what I’m saying is that I have no practice with these feelings, and I know this could be just me overthinking as I do, but I’m scared I’ll never get to a point where I’ll be fully comfortable with someone touching me like that. I’m fine with emotional intimacy, but it’s the physical stuff that freaks me out. I’ve gotta be honest, I’m insanely jealous of my friends who have healthy sexual and romantic relationships. At least 75% of my dreams have to do with all of this too, and it really really sucks. I know this isn’t a newsflash or anything, but God, PTSD is an asskicker. I feel like shit and I’m done with it. I know this is pretty complex, and I am in therapy, but any general advice would be much appreciated. thank you for taking the time to read all this. :(",3.70904761904762,5.62631720634921,5.572539682539683,76.48357142857144,73.36507936507937,9.085714285714287,29.261904761904763,9.606745405546679,2.978007142857144,2048,87,380,54,42,704,243,504,0.151,0.674,0.175,0.9488,2,0,1,0,0,0,69.0,0,1,1,3,15,31,6,5,21,1,47,13,7,4,9,73,87,33,0,7,18,0,13,5,1,4,2,1,0,0,26,16,1,1,13,5,0,0,11,15,0,3,13,14,50,16,42,61,8,43,0,1,0,4,10,16,3,7,30,242,76,1,0.08292451571740461,0.0,0.08092236533498529,0.0,0.0,0.0810328770267691,0.0,0.08862108834630833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13262941051881225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05639151429064501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06823981080877436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05055001510380202,0.0915836125615545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211044296813936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06620847817109148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0714227638769174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08486057035581572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932789188474036,0.0,0.08568319185639185,0.0,0.10954172110322348,0.15001994396902632,0.2096024429908486,0.0,0.0,0.16223217667728718,0.0,0.0,0.20964563374815914,0.2369651623904622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14107110141443174,0.0,0.0,0.06406727514011161,0.0,0.08664927375835044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09135070305528832,0.0,0.0,0.17654937791256273,0.0,0.0818707913554213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18229258069938808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20256364850221514,0.0,0.07322386662602375,0.14677117385514696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748426130242096,0.0,0.11070551632157008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835684077888951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323791145992096,0.0,0.06095906046935987,0.0,0.19186949596649625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08124841886127197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06306783092487664,0.0,0.09729405210934293,0.0,0.0,0.1583216667135955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839047092514975,0.0,0.0,0.08436404438613608,0.0,0.0,0.09693432128738376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08294695626904534,0.1887725067465893,0.15937070451644866,0.0,0.0,0.2670896887404515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06594490324482917,0.0830219065318524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368109923569153,0.17024164745320944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21078501920139667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058694399034919034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492873097986476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062348915736173675,0.0,0.0,0.07634575281253525,0.09483141066605774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658328027213285,0.14506185592832735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.090198060726409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06842141002469801,0.0978220557404862,0.13164324151596785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07993627398333389,0.08992809997251308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11781439349011336,0.0,0.0,0.0534006693349649 ptsd,LeadingPlastic,2019/04/21,"Need help with girlfriend with past sexual/physical abuse So, I've been seeing my GF for about an 10 months now and things have been mostly good. Long story short, her ex came from the same small village I did and was involved in a violent crime that left a man dead. He is an all around piece of shit and emotionally/physically/sexually abused her. On top of this, when this initially happened many people from my village and surrounding villages sent her messages calling her a murderer, bitch, etc. Anyways, we've had awesome sex on many occasions but as of about 2 months ago she's shelled up. She tells me the reason is she feels completely insecure with anybody other than her daughter or herself touching her. This along with recurring thoughts about his abusive behaviour have caused her problems at work also, which is honestly much more important IMO than her sex life right now. Obviously I want to help this girl very much and I want her go to get back to the way when I met her. I feel bad sometimes because I get frustrated that I cannot express my desire (sex) or my lust for her. I really do think she's the sexist thing on two legs and would love to take her to dinner again, or for her to not worry about her work because she's having trouble concentrating at her desk. I just want to give her a hug again. Is there anything else I can do other than wait and be supportive?",7.668972712680577,7.070105509363298,7.271827180310326,76.8954775280899,63.19475655430712,10.774638844301768,35.176297485286256,10.125756701596842,3.3402971642589625,1109,43,211,21,14,349,167,267,0.162,0.711,0.127,-0.9291,0,0,0,0,2,0,25.0,0,0,0,3,17,14,5,1,10,0,18,10,2,2,2,38,39,16,2,7,6,2,3,0,2,1,1,0,0,2,11,14,1,1,5,0,0,3,2,9,0,1,9,4,38,5,36,28,8,31,0,0,1,6,41,14,2,4,13,146,49,3,0.0,0.4385718025426069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10937302263648876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986706374874332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10153503070223703,0.1098384724738222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09487515809718156,0.10302100543602548,0.15042824048694836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598949410034913,0.14111913731750442,0.0,0.1267499944618145,0.0,0.0,0.12936642848185506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10307201915716292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13760646857499573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1247739441649932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289267447712414,0.11836177217304512,0.07012232397691555,0.103489166834285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10910861358660627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540422233213306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13405775262000375,0.0,0.08715020730436461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919150761823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135943844486244,0.0,0.0,0.2501852810755156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19696885594878327,0.0,0.1814037877004233,0.09148813367459817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177845827829236,0.08553936119346563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1180624196193382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07904334817818738,0.12685994090506802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10536979286747757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832156892533203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266525412079428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12203054591116788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14001540666119375,0.0,0.0,0.09276988019887046,0.0,0.10784359786323483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16394252039340024,0.07905988360607258,0.0,0.09795360752472844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052884702602812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10180523487991244,0.21832634019456626,0.0979369697149507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965094836944367,0.12530307268471136,0.0,0.08764889525929027,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Alienkushbitch,2019/04/21,How do you recover after being through hell and back? Mostly from fighting every day and sustaining emotional abuse your whole life?,7.405909090909091,10.64143231818182,6.400000000000002,68.77000000000002,66.72727272727272,9.854545454545457,33.72727272727273,10.125756701596842,4.469654545454546,109,5,14,3,2,33,21,22,0.373,0.5760000000000001,0.051,-0.9013,0,0,0,0,3,0,2.0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,4,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,2,3,1,0,0,0,3,0,1,1,3,13,2,0,0.0,0.4784878452024995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3105302919475082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26044528622125546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4542689500067219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3402550932651842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2852462104968461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.45087621874043504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,funrun247,2019/04/21,"Do you ever feel like you might be faking? So this is an odd question, my incident occurred more than a year ago now, and while I got a professional opinion from my mum's friend (who is a physiologist), saying I have PTSD or some variant, I have never gone to see a doctor to be officially tested or however they check... Im a little worried that this is all in my head, and im not as troubled as I make myself out to be, that im just making my symptoms seem worse for attention?, I know the guilt and the intrusive thoughts and the triggers are all real, but its been a long time since it all happened. &#x200B; I guess its sorta an open question, does anyone else feel this way?, like they could just stop if they wanted to hard enough? Is this a known thing? a sorta mental illness impostor syndrome, or am I actually faking it in some way.",7.545535714285713,5.85469343452381,8.052380952380954,74.73428571428572,64.05952380952381,10.542857142857144,34.6904761904762,9.188382445141503,2.918104761904761,659,23,130,9,8,220,109,168,0.126,0.821,0.053,-0.8737,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,0,2,3,0,5,7,0,1,13,0,15,4,1,3,5,42,28,13,0,3,8,1,3,2,1,1,3,1,0,0,12,6,0,1,9,0,1,1,2,4,0,0,4,5,17,3,12,19,7,17,0,0,1,0,11,5,0,14,11,93,29,3,0.0,0.0,0.13025498370200286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11831993009317435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14462303539428953,0.16219001896298668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09333071342308312,0.13676368035102138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10657108463661667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366200849174433,0.11680723735351008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150349334104644,0.0,0.0,0.13791814800011534,0.0,0.0,0.1207382240729732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13498067434890804,0.09535649766705416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031245422036512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10675431247993304,0.0,0.14704073822331562,0.0,0.11803389191352125,0.0,0.1195698041623264,0.0,0.1369866315585349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4325364722674208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07335585480510336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13042092689728751,0.13377972421993456,0.0,0.11812356682412015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17819480639864252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13451413029617468,0.14159874953751955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10294623316463483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15602829189663078,0.0,0.2990511502524394,0.0,0.0,0.15192684796024375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614682679909014,0.0,0.0,0.10636444784525324,0.12151308770581574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041413521172644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159333641317842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1387344410784881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08867665483066994,0.0,0.0,0.10596638654872033,0.07783192199712617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0787286074957621,0.21189677547312066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355530865210708,0.13602518263874214,0.0,0.0,0.16219001896298668,0.08595526446994163 ptsd,Maslover51,2019/04/21,"I was diagnosed with PTSD a few weeks ago and now have to stop treatments already. I went to a psychiatrist because shits just getting out of hand. PTSD isn't my only problem. I was also diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and re- diagnosed with schizoeffective disorder. He seemed very surprised that no other doctor, therapist or psychiatrist in my life has said PTSD for stuff from my childhood. The other thing that happened was when I was an adult. I'm being vague, I know, I don't want to talk about what happened. Sorry. I'm 24 and was still on my dad insurance. Things have been so bad for me that I'm on disability and can't currently work. I was really trying to improve my situation. I was setting up psychiatrist appointments, therapist appointments, doctor appointments. I really want to get better. But my father's company shut down and with his many losses include loss of insurance. So I'm also without insurance now. I can't do doctor appointment, psychiatrist appointment, anything like that. No medication for me too. My asthma inhaler is running low and I have no idea what to do. I can get on Medicare starting in June so it's really just pushed back but it's still very frustrating. I apparently have to switch therapist (I've been with one for 2 years) and this whole process is so confusing. I just want to get better and be self-sufficient and it just keeps getting harder. On top of all this I have very few friends and my mom and sister just moved out of state. So now I'm the only one from my family left in this state. I live with a very loving, caring boyfriend. He tries but he just doesn't understand the stuff I go through. I don't always feel like talk about things with him. I feel so alone.",3.732895381900185,6.199644805471124,4.868181194234727,79.06290322580645,75.10942249240122,8.743641533483675,27.63417982155113,9.370254747372089,2.7885351701147183,1387,56,251,37,31,455,160,329,0.11199999999999999,0.7809999999999999,0.107,0.8135,2,1,0,0,0,0,39.0,0,0,0,6,25,16,2,1,7,0,28,12,2,0,1,45,55,24,0,4,11,4,3,2,1,0,9,1,0,2,19,20,0,2,6,0,0,5,10,8,0,2,11,5,32,8,40,42,4,38,0,3,0,1,16,15,1,3,17,172,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07527133959538357,0.0,0.0,0.08794553130542053,0.09370496200543334,0.13581175473396428,0.07065543994354606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987717439442923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06529379980686542,0.07089983342058505,0.05176292517791122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15019946817879445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657571457305074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2585584616413561,0.0,0.0,0.1946381235770558,0.2607399311157365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08004957688431462,0.0,0.08587037001906289,0.06066274137308079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06560452183091077,0.0,0.2218208968416556,0.0,0.04825871256046842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501787425836214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09585782749531176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547566732396856,0.0,0.0,0.0466666389508213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225955706089983,0.0,0.05997743037254604,0.08296960512992006,0.0,0.07498081892986694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0766384059458005,0.0,0.0,0.08608969926793908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08554215117185608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.099450517430967,0.0,0.09025038594532553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11508015683492365,0.12916219338783172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414382850129367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08125144817617133,0.2977805650305175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631946862230603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08077287588831418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07730272391798622,0.08858405879687563,0.0,0.0871632346814277,0.0,0.0954471499178738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505452609544376,0.0601027275534576,0.0,0.1356252241662914,0.07099209672557777,0.0,0.0,0.19441295077180784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13650167977244415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2957758900402739,0.16923971966563114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1153023736454234,0.0,0.0,0.08839870589719999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802525237947354,0.1502538349883718,0.0,0.06811307166811033,0.0,0.0,0.07871633997561096,0.0,0.09480370298009716,0.0,0.08185428551709993,0.0,0.06181856922932725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05468197874046262 ptsd,anaitlovesall,2019/04/21,"A Walking Amnesiac Does anyone else have no ability to make memories? I don't remember anything, nothing episodic at least. I can remember semantics and if I tell myself something enough times I'll hopefully remember it. But when I try to think back to even yesterday, there's just a void. I might remember the fact that I went somewhere but I won't actually be able to recall a memory about it. There's just nothing there. I've always been this way (I know not because of memories but because of stories I've told myself). I never really thought about it being weird until I was in college but now I I know it's definitely not the norm. I have ptsd but I don't actually remember what happened. I grew up in an abusive home until I was 17. Does anyone else experience this? Particularly to the degree of nothing being remembered? I feel. Like a walking amnesiac. Questions are welcome.",2.8403383458646623,5.6323875952380975,5.207230576441101,73.47812030075191,80.78571428571428,8.53684210526316,30.865914786967426,9.134995656068208,3.5818523809523803,708,37,118,21,19,247,98,168,0.061,0.8440000000000001,0.096,0.6586,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,0,8,0,14,0,0,1,2,28,24,10,0,2,10,0,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,12,0,0,4,7,1,0,0,6,1,19,3,16,13,2,17,0,0,0,0,4,4,0,4,9,87,27,1,0.10292355174624436,0.12194757863557007,0.200877079207006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564064008669946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14393308094549911,0.21091468341330985,0.08469731343220482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07914185820116099,0.0,0.1254824836852828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801381874454282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719588412445737,0.0,0.0,0.1063475421534936,0.0,0.06798003523325948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10067898308899058,0.0,0.0,0.0520412402696108,0.07352860593261501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09101495689895436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10324071427494527,0.10222631018278612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11312818471264215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05028324851380469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0687022700050954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918562352875234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07938098814240331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2962737712921873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12031212418543112,0.0,0.11529793311716832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06593546275680924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6995539222870595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07923557852404382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08995972076539499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.065949256088122,0.0,0.08170980341422511,0.060015550712513036,0.0,0.0,0.0983478643854478,0.0,0.06987833555632561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08169592467917354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09541116361570896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LittlebitchL,2019/04/21,"PTSD makes me feel stupid I got ptsd exactly a year ago now and only just got diagnosed with it this year (haven’t gone to a psychologist bc I’m poor and just setting aside that time makes me stressed). I used to get A/Bs and once I started uni (prior to my trauma happening) was getting High Distinctions and Distinctions (Australian University equivalent to As and Bs) after that I stopped doing all my assignments altogether and now that I’ve started doing them I’m only barely passing, and still waiting till the last minute. I assumed I was just dumb somehow and never realised before, because when doing the assignments I don’t realise I’m doing any worse than I normally am. But then talking to a friend who was explaining why he quit work due to ptsd, he explained that no matter what he did his work achievements went down because of ptsd and I realised that maybe my marks going down isn’t just me suddenly becoming an idiot. Does anyone that knows a lot on the topic know if ptsd could be why my marks are being effected even if upon appearance they don’t seem to be? And if this will improve over time? Also first time poster on reddit so please let me know if there’s any TWs I should put in!",3.8437179487179445,5.918472132478637,4.605478632478633,82.88257692307694,73.40170940170941,7.585982905982907,27.51196581196581,8.395991825355821,2.0503852991452995,965,37,178,17,20,310,144,234,0.102,0.8540000000000001,0.044000000000000004,-0.9268,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,2,6,13,6,3,1,8,0,21,1,0,4,5,46,46,21,0,7,9,0,1,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,11,11,0,2,9,0,1,6,6,5,0,1,8,1,21,1,20,31,2,37,0,0,0,0,11,8,1,9,22,115,32,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09512807603111223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08581958949913307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459554585586042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503698823653357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13083618568199654,0.11852074142733875,0.09131697229490757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08568211825384607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10892224109788012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09391188574231488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07088039901054784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05426157639749341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09128189566868268,0.0,0.0,0.0829111315709651,0.0,0.11213508489936147,0.0,0.060989461623682635,0.0,0.17165886332493738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489810410938763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11338395534919403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17693218702204908,0.0874758674927875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10973663169275708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123518696631927,0.0,0.0,0.14326689576380403,0.0,0.10781211896980901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08276777283328474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051456977280159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11428673659976325,0.0,0.1632354494949953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11779940063867647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6272261656535371,0.10788099281309173,0.0,0.1141424764448474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769534377641492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1519159049677174,0.0,0.08570172063882651,0.08971995996379241,0.12292871605608682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08625555385069819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18772833082878915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09268551264508648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09948187469949116,0.1936697914848136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562528735477077,0.0,0.10936292732774912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821439764766505 ptsd,bigdongle01,2019/04/21,"Mixture of trauma and guilt preventing me from living normally (TW: COCSA) I've recently started coming to terms with the abuse I suffered as a young child at the hands of my ""best friend."" It went on for a long time and was usually physical and emotional (she hit me a lot and basically criticised me until I felt like I needed her to feel ""whole"", regularly abused me to prevent me from making other friends. She just wanted me to be completely dependent on her, and I was) but was occasionally sexual. I don't want to go into details but I blocked it out of my memory for a long time, meaning I had symptoms (panic attacks, vague nightmares) but I couldn't remember the cause. It was okay till I hit puberty, but as soon as I started feeling sexual desire I was hit with waves of shame, fear, and severe anxiety. I threw up after my first kiss and I'm still a virgin (I'm 19.) It's taken me so long to remember and understand what happened to me and I'm still too scared to bring it up with my therapist (I don't have a professional PTSD diagnosis, but a lot of my symptoms match up.) I don't think I can ever tell my parents, because they'll never stop blaming themselves and I can't do that to them. All that's bad enough, but I'm a lesbian, too. I know there's nothing wrong with me, but when I feel attracted to women I can't help but feel like I'm wrong, or disgusting, or dirty for it. I didn't even grow up religious, and my family is totally accepting of me. Everything just feels like it's closing in on me and I feel like I'll be okay. I feel like I'm broken. Thank you for reading, it's okay if nobody has any advice or anything, I just wanted to vent.",3.4065294117647085,4.5400313000000025,5.3663529411764666,80.81158823529412,72.76470588235293,8.969411764705884,28.30588235294117,9.3871,2.464949411764706,1302,50,265,30,25,451,175,340,0.155,0.674,0.17,0.5348,1,0,0,0,3,0,46.0,0,1,2,2,13,27,2,5,11,3,21,6,1,3,4,70,57,31,0,8,15,1,9,5,2,1,2,0,0,2,12,20,0,4,15,1,0,6,8,12,0,1,11,9,48,15,44,39,8,40,0,1,0,3,14,12,0,7,27,181,60,2,0.0,0.2268523546515511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935477171083608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06510070504383865,0.0,0.07323433802590161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877887039551176,0.0,0.0,0.108908405296974,0.0,0.0,0.07993180658073268,0.0583570358879356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046430659017054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09834262438568528,0.0,0.08246421348018365,0.10037265988316448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10768505614860524,0.0,0.09891623359337533,0.0,0.0632297550902833,0.08659462550237781,0.0,0.0,0.08603730239837519,0.0,0.0902471414626594,0.1077245561988745,0.3388330714872172,0.2735624204545609,0.09191725591017533,0.0,0.0,0.08142916783593014,0.0,0.0,0.1479238440153318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054406419481072825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08465505224478011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06416680875483516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052611530640168234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23384788473279505,0.0,0.0845326713310296,0.2541581038816061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16277500149619958,0.0,0.0,0.06390152184627534,0.0,0.0,0.10427967178835162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07098369671660157,0.07383403703523181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09379654754976832,0.09185695934696164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112320292663979,0.10629850539866248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.111905004469822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575740964365474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452331041292268,0.0,0.2168902630842654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095843935338404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10814934988431528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13551850158177148,0.0,0.15290260445634574,0.08003582336460056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1990033738149473,0.0,0.0,0.08367355345534243,0.08813670634170558,0.0,0.11115165388187896,0.0,0.06134088187112564,0.0,0.0,0.11164361889898143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965987112898576,0.0,0.0,0.10543472608329736,0.0,0.16939476296169775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08874406268840301,0.0,0.10688080470922813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093347414366795,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Joepotatoes1399,2019/04/21,"Not sure if I have PTSD or not I have Autism spectrum disorder, severe anxiety, severe depression, and an unspecified mood disorder. I am currently on three anti depressants so it definitely helps, specifically Abilify but I still have flashbacks pretty frequently of my grandfather who passed away September 24th of 2015. I always think about the day before he died when my dad and I were in the hospital with him as a machine was helping him breathe, I remember the sound it made and the sound he was making, it sounded like he was gasping for air as his eyes were closed and his head was tilted, I remember the nurse asked if I needed tissues as she and I were crying. I also exhibit some other symptoms and have been through the death of my best friend the suicide of my aunt, the suicide of my families best friend, and I went through bad bullying in school, all of this and I’m only 19. I’ve had suicidal thoughts only just 4 weeks ago, been doing really well the past two weeks but very depressed right now. Holidays are tough without my grandpa. Sorry for the long story, just upset. Does it sound like I have PTSD or is it just severe depression? Thanks guys, appreciate it.",5.1674208144796365,7.012389361990948,5.765067873303168,76.88434389140274,69.40723981900453,9.543891402714932,31.099547511312213,9.916854025145753,3.3060660633484167,943,40,165,24,17,305,137,221,0.261,0.561,0.17800000000000002,-0.977,1,0,0,0,0,2,22.0,0,0,0,2,10,17,0,1,12,0,19,4,3,2,2,32,28,20,5,3,12,3,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,1,9,10,0,0,4,1,0,2,3,7,1,2,13,5,24,9,20,15,4,20,0,4,1,0,18,7,0,5,13,115,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170201350663057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272877455031383,0.08607852793438743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07913882041321096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09671160632964612,0.0,0.09719450052538983,0.0,0.08637626906737153,0.0,0.0,0.08802816766769753,0.0,0.21712838352864705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11363475710222065,0.06671656834841262,0.0,0.3564046741922721,0.0,0.10736456869315794,0.0,0.23712488621981526,0.0,0.09052962462899317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09752327273707366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15985013098938364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10243157485522812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10616934887906318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868045213276126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1010807020462589,0.0,0.0,0.09154982522240124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788671019518176,0.06905355053164626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670672225826819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573564821121292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987545478845446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052456462088153,0.0,0.0,0.24185458053692244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06627259636351349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2343769335844753,0.08834557129173345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469672921006126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3506065136523765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580359115071935,0.0,0.0,0.0826151507678218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3394719000270098,0.0,0.09750022031349133,0.10752396134443186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524268482526883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06628646022129774,0.0,0.0821275925610115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10105543114278033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08535692622331223,0.0,0.0,0.1659623929018058,0.0,0.09301380174078468,0.09589900897789673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09972192386124416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Cobrex,2019/04/21,"I'm only seeing the negative and feeling too hard. Help. Recently my partner and i got into a fight because i misinterpret everything someone close to him says. He says i always find the negative in things and it is true. Its easier for me to see the bad side of things and i do default to it. He told me its too hard to talk to me about it sometimes because i react so intensely and it makes sense why this person is avoiding me. It feels hard because i never felt like i was allowed to have feelings before. My entire childhood growing up. So when i went through therapy and i felt safe enough to feel like i could express them it felt like i was letting open a dam and so all of my feelings are strong and probably too much for most people. I dont think i can change the intensity of my emotions. But i know i can look at situations in a different light. I just dont know how to do that. How do i change my ""negativity radar"" for lack of a better word? How do i find positivity in things around me?",2.694264705882354,4.35948656372549,4.5341176470588245,83.92852941176474,75.51960784313727,7.545098039215688,27.196078431372552,8.313332769828598,1.8335078431372545,785,31,162,14,17,267,113,204,0.152,0.736,0.11199999999999999,-0.7572,2,2,0,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,1,2,13,10,1,1,8,0,16,0,0,6,3,42,35,16,0,2,2,0,11,3,1,0,0,2,0,2,13,12,0,2,13,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,8,17,30,7,24,25,5,16,0,0,3,0,13,10,0,1,7,120,43,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09524342278557628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10189744738351764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557286481124706,0.2093290270902184,0.0,0.09740064324293303,0.0,0.0,0.1012343243588306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24217599116076516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09139038694132284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959077531787055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683024892705579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.128756871059674,0.0,0.1182721650524559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10287308422760437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28938281196091203,0.08177328070626733,0.3297108816395075,0.0,0.20923649555970175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915475145858073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30761244589431397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07672297175344027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581311296416067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704744743035493,0.0,0.16776434736069726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09612113866228854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640577349491759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08414439174206524,0.0,0.0882818835441882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08705521756413125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935509626199704,0.09994576511776457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341181777063688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11301963453661495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18205312645245114,0.0,0.0,0.18242636975166754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286626091433278,0.0,0.0,0.09698518476979033,0.0,0.11320806681947165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09200202566069927,0.0,0.0,0.13089984174785985,0.0,0.2281348780094672,0.07334406741514722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093754929696804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610950344970713,0.10328617886292707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,OL2_BURT,2019/04/21,"Insomnia and ptsd I've always been an insomniac, but I'd just fall asleep when I got tired, and sleep great. After my event, since the brunt of it was going to sleep in a panic attack, waking up to every creak or sound that night. Now my insomnia isn't worse, except falling asleep is where I will push through for days to not let my eyes close jacked up on coffee. There is not a moment of the day where I will not have coffee within reach. To comfort myself to get a nap in I have to have protection for myself and take naps at random random times. When this time comes every noise I hear opens my eyes wide. After about an hour of this until my body gives up, then a sound 30 minute nap. Then looking at 3 days of being awake again. I'm not diagnosed by a doctor but he has seen me in panic. Does my event even touch symptoms of ptsd?",4.297135306553912,4.664094104651163,4.846553911205074,88.16525369978861,70.16279069767441,7.417336152219874,21.45031712473573,6.980632752743323,0.37533023255813935,654,10,141,5,11,209,109,172,0.094,0.8220000000000001,0.084,-0.5931,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,11,5,1,2,9,0,13,14,8,0,0,17,23,11,0,0,9,0,1,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,4,6,0,1,0,3,0,5,5,3,0,0,4,8,14,2,30,15,0,39,0,0,4,0,3,15,0,3,19,91,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12675035009852134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1732968016759466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692037385931934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13121837942507614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947197843106356,0.0,0.0,0.15461123993737416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15591570198506116,0.1333045753844566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10061220066550686,0.0,0.25668835388972955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07958587861405299,0.1461283405459778,0.08657236749542051,0.0,0.12183181982575528,0.1679438158089961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716864218550326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15001387688967024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576723836706236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12791841810160826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1429509203170725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574517031793261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35613007670568625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12600853974737786,0.0,0.3048790288716577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15832868046692164,0.1145328292845325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17764911743923326,0.17508035614616355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.155236778337398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hippiejess91,2019/04/21,"New Triggers Causing Another Side Of Me Hi, I am new to reddit and stumbled across a post that I found helpful about living with ptsd in a relationship. I was in a previous relationship where I was verbally and physically abused. We were together for far too long. I finally grew the courage to escape. I changed my job, address, phone and cut off any friends that my ex and I had in common. I needed a fresh start. I took some time to heal my heart and soul. I eventually found a very understanding, caring and loving man that accepted me, even with my broken wings (what I call my major relationship baggage). We have been together now for 4 years. We have been doing well with our normal relationship bumps, even with my constant panic attacks/ anxiety/ bad days. But we are planning a major move and found out I have some triggers that I didn't know existed. Moving is so stressful, especially cross country. We have had 2 bad arguments which lead to him saying certain words that my ex would say when we used to fight. My current boyfriend is so good to me and not remotely abusive (mentally or physically) but when he unknowingly said the words that my ex would say to me I have found myself being taken over. I feel like I am back in a fight with my ex. I have shoved my current boyfriend and slapped my boyfriend yesterday. I am so incredibly ashamed! He reacted by leaving our apartment each time to get space. I literally ran him away. He would never hurt me and I know he is not my ex. I can't believe that I ever laid my hands on him. There is no excuse for it. I don't know how to explain this to myself let alone him. I am a peaceful person that avoids confrontation at all costs. Has this happened to anybody else and can anybody please give me advice on how to deal with these new triggers?! I love my boyfriend so much and don't want to run him away!",3.963644503714995,5.738172662983429,4.859491331682225,82.45560773480665,72.37016574585634,8.087026100209563,29.333587349971427,8.74248658614541,2.3108741474566568,1472,61,286,28,29,478,196,362,0.10400000000000001,0.775,0.121,0.7596,3,2,0,0,3,0,40.0,8,0,0,2,18,22,5,4,10,0,34,5,2,9,4,67,58,23,0,6,5,5,2,1,1,3,1,4,1,2,14,26,0,1,11,0,1,8,8,12,1,0,16,6,61,10,38,37,7,48,1,1,0,2,45,18,0,4,22,198,75,2,0.0,0.20936432182227235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633612986075227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09150557917221458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06008209605137494,0.09264432272813493,0.06758870781150655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005126636255095,0.16601841327923714,0.06793690229617841,0.14753973792786215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954196211178164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09021682938618086,0.0,0.09008031205977904,0.0907613980571512,0.09346424411062217,0.0,0.0,0.0954766577084914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056979452318631135,0.09108658726590252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07380639816987061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11671075500890793,0.07991905162107174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044673207527955526,0.06311837794509846,0.0,0.09678482432585804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3874917367698003,0.06826020239283813,0.0,0.04616004778572462,0.08475487485866515,0.0,0.07410510355863731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07812899993602178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10469703366269063,0.05922019376475384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09458218104305394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08767529852557147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14566713379849694,0.0,0.0,0.0935515537192884,0.0,0.09034546444278788,0.0,0.04316411339159957,0.0,0.07801605335871724,0.07818835755755625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594814794750926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903760019201704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18780746932468412,0.06494856845738663,0.06551156829002981,0.06814217606436537,0.2559914852395503,0.0,0.0,0.08656577798009422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10366152882386373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714518143616084,0.0,0.09698349035881433,0.0,0.0,0.0846163796655622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10327825516878517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37942607819861984,0.0,0.0,0.08404257362318125,0.21078213951305835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06253569468480749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10120642281547072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10303701979409742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09816184309861864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091977098337218,0.0,0.07630738758670058,0.0,0.0728992966545746,0.052112044009411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794386703702477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18828725726598614,0.0,0.0,0.056895513173394786 ptsd,skullie66,2019/04/21,Anniversary tomorrow Tomorrow is the anniversary of my traumatic event. I’m extra anxious and emotional. I’m scared to go to sleep. How do others deal with their anniversaries?,5.085000000000001,8.673505166666667,5.821666666666669,66.6825,80.66666666666666,12.333333333333336,34.16666666666667,10.686352973137794,6.172666666666667,145,8,20,7,4,47,25,30,0.251,0.7020000000000001,0.047,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,2,1,1,1,0,3,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,5,1,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,13,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638701673725528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4233188203558321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4618787359573458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23335799001864116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4110902411769137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41090453821820666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,milkypurin,2019/08/09,"ptsd from a news article? last month i read an article about the murder of a young girl, after reading her story it shocked me how much i related to her so the whole thing got stuck in my head, refusing to leave. ever since i've become way more paranoid and every time a friend on discord brings up the topic i can't help but cry. sometimes i might even have 'triggers', i believe that's what they're called, so when a fictional character in a movie, game, song, etc dies in a similar way to how the girl from the article died it just reminds me of that. i've gone to a few therapists and they haven't been able to help, the thought just keeps coming back. i've written songs about how i wish i could travel back in time to stop the incident from happening as a way of coping and it helps a little but not much. idk if it's worth mentioning but i also suffer from paranoid schizophrenia which i believe might be contributing to the problem.",6.609574468085108,5.894602085106381,6.7430638297872365,80.20300000000003,65.38297872340425,10.285957446808512,33.16170212765957,9.642632912329526,2.8600621276595746,744,27,150,13,10,239,115,188,0.185,0.732,0.083,-0.9496,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,0,15,5,1,0,18,0,8,1,1,4,1,26,18,15,3,4,7,0,0,0,1,2,0,2,0,2,9,4,0,3,1,6,1,4,3,4,0,0,6,2,15,1,24,8,6,25,0,1,0,0,13,7,0,3,11,101,24,2,0.12898389800690435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1031483766355226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1983613117328692,0.0,0.0,0.14245258159842422,0.0,0.29064136735105883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170698112938511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111082071180982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1029831470432095,0.0,0.14168275534333438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26772984439983544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14385114163132484,0.08519264815744622,0.11667332021476665,0.10867449710072204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965263964174133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10316020613944557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1140600350316408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13237469121055978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2593655639104415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11464681500066308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10513909212716824,0.0,0.13657532418467289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12927575108875158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27366306525788425,0.0,0.0,0.10295371681094434,0.0,0.18963601222518467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342017073668553,0.1507752743821719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2580376057630489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669681331413566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1275683732385605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10783631425040496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14976024701908633,0.0856911704977533,0.0,0.0,0.102398807376264,0.15042309637771406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071442435948418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14400591584415698,0.1483251171584685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PoodleFan,2019/08/09,"Affirmation Consternation Part of my trauma recovery therapy involves using positive affirmations (along with other techniques) to quell panic attacks and dissociating under stress. Sometimes, they work and I can redirect. But mostly, they inexplicably make me feel angry and even more helpless by making me aware of my limitations. Can anyone relate?",11.055566037735849,14.24990394339623,10.951084905660384,40.148514150943406,56.73584905660378,12.847169811320756,41.55188679245283,12.161744961471696,6.934550943396228,291,15,28,10,4,96,46,53,0.275,0.672,0.054000000000000006,-0.9299,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,2,1,5,1,2,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,12,6,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,7,0,7,6,3,1,0,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,25,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2045888898313641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3328685040275476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19325591931622566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14794457955414028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3906182249946933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3432966233326514,0.0,0.3168513493775348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2893834594779948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33516603127822475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3346073306818659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2527077189683473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21301229355925724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,womaninsideme,2019/08/09,"Any provider suggestions? (Psych vs therapist) Long story short, I developed PTSD from childhood abuse (physical, sexual, and verbal). I was in treatment for 5-6 years somewhat consistently until the past two years. At the moment, I am exhausted and floundering. I recognize I need to return to therapy because I have overdue health check ups (+2 years, ugh) and I am not engaging in activities I once enjoyed. Basically, avoidance via overworking myself (school, volunteering, working, & internship) has been my coping mechanism. I am burnt out. My amazing medical professional is overbooked and since I do not own transportation, I am unable to be treated by her. So now I am stumped as to where to go from here. Psychologist? Therapist? I am only on one medication and do not want to seek further medications, so no psychiatrist. How did you all find which professional was best? (besides their specialty techniques).",5.548372803666922,8.957812064935066,6.4091749427043565,65.24678762414058,74.45454545454545,10.63651642475172,36.33155080213904,10.328600350310266,5.361128800611153,734,42,104,27,17,241,115,154,0.10400000000000001,0.825,0.071,-0.4912,0,1,0,0,1,0,39.0,0,1,1,2,6,8,0,1,2,0,16,5,0,1,1,17,19,10,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,0,1,1,0,1,2,4,3,0,2,4,0,19,5,18,14,4,21,0,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,10,77,20,5,0.0,0.19832694965530895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813644084548041,0.0,0.1138293166194934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020379350821125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17566297256088936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15298924554926588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09513023776122903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17792520493007494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1481327698815121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5058762292543021,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12411579387558196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17826234461247828,0.1134261784085973,0.1273058222528244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1597904166501293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1956671617691914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16940520047684487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1384647629828009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1914223231272696,0.3886998395479959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635133752618849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987295508492912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12186017564136645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.323376403731243 ptsd,notyouraveragedodo,2019/08/09,"I wrote a letter, now I'm worried My story, short: I was in a terrible relationship from the age of 15 to 18. It was my first one, he abused me, hurt me in any way possible and made me so dependent on him that I couldn't even quit. This is one and a half years over now and it took me a long time to even realize what I was into back then. It's been a really hard time, and last night when I couldn't sleep, I wrote down a letter. When I read it the next morning I was terrified that these were all honest thoughts of mine. These are parts of the letter: ""I want it to stop, but I don't know if it ever will. The perspective changes. I see my former self, but from my point of view far above. I see what he did to me, to this girl who doesn't seem to be me at times."" ""It's dissipating. I'm trying to set myself apart from what happened, even though I don't know if that's what is good for me or if I even want that."" ""Every time those memories come up, almost every single day, I have to force myself into a first person-perspective, to sympathize with that little girl I see right before I wake up screaming. Thoughts are worse than knives because nobody can see you bleeding, so you have to ask for help. "" "" When I think of this girl back then, I could pity this girl if she had been anybody else but myself. As hard as I'm trying to connect to my former self, I can't even pity myself and I don't know if I should. I'd love to cry. But I can't. I have shed far too few tears over myself. I wish I could cry. I wish I could grieve. Because some say that after grief comes acceptance."" These were extracts from the letter. I don't know what to do with this or what to think of it. It was the product of a sleepless night. But I don't know what to do with it. Should I show anyone? Eycept for you anonymous people here? I sought professional help once, but now there are several factors that hinder me from pursuing this path of help. I don't even know what to expect from this community here. Maybe just some outside views of people who can maybe at least a little relate to what I'm going through. Thanks a lot to all of you who respond to this!",2.5518470588235296,3.6407633088888933,3.731764705882352,91.88117647058823,74.8,6.8052287581699344,21.23529411764705,7.1686216300943375,0.3379411764705873,1659,36,381,17,34,540,195,450,0.105,0.8140000000000001,0.081,-0.7534,0,0,0,0,1,0,59.0,0,4,0,3,23,12,0,0,16,0,41,4,2,2,3,63,75,28,2,17,14,0,2,0,0,3,1,2,0,6,41,12,0,1,13,2,0,4,11,7,0,5,17,10,58,5,59,49,9,55,0,5,6,1,31,20,0,13,29,272,99,2,0.0,0.09972545845426256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0842822137205853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05723720757639615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058852306231185876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868582996584805,0.0,0.0,0.12944017717020778,0.0,0.1026162089768979,0.0,0.0716208705054083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08903871024333578,0.14500676456302788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016041840372102,0.0,0.18490945430227754,0.05428147408775735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07031166370931485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3335534951276008,0.07613488289477413,0.1418305418099306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1431867190703934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047834682024252125,0.07059622539182353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442959019356621,0.0,0.1507962057177146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16924834914194278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010371283918732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775395840768921,0.06860825124398669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687171351969527,0.0,0.07448613723050887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155672540422002,0.07596501408257494,0.07964190986633672,0.0,0.0,0.1691163782065291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08951375006202403,0.1579721570812553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963630042466726,0.11406899225921258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09114587140436417,0.0,0.11670315275329705,0.0734923555197644,0.0,0.0,0.07956607856332354,0.09488690835762456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895231556541535,0.08419089668938376,0.0,0.053920252664195235,0.0,0.0,0.09036506141189847,0.0,0.0718791142523512,0.0,0.0669338669675663,0.0,0.0,0.26828437615485456,0.07662349495113692,0.17561141025702776,0.09508601764623599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422890481024432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07036831678524168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07749069618497963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078630649610485,0.08269475016297055,0.13364017058579744,0.19631642960542256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0935138778233202,0.1142892565370335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09928907532275384,0.06680873563568315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19357836743527249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547681107243542,0.08577450455691359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05420150946276208 ptsd,thefabulousbomb,2019/08/09,"Does anyone have days that trigger them? I’m just curious, today is my dad’s birthday, and he’s the biggest cause of my PTSD. He was physically and mentally abusive to me and my siblings growing up and honestly I just feel bad today. I’m trying to just ignore it because I’m currently on holiday and I want to enjoy the last few days here, but I’m also just triggered and feeling awful today",5.131139240506329,5.622701860759497,7.002379746835443,73.00053164556962,68.36708860759494,9.357974683544304,34.787341772151905,9.3871,3.422456202531647,313,15,55,6,5,110,53,79,0.129,0.728,0.14400000000000002,-0.4118,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,3,0,18,10,8,0,1,5,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,2,0,0,1,2,7,2,6,9,1,11,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,0,7,34,9,0,0.0,0.2646062211323934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1785946864634841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1561555754983334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1864688891600926,0.1361381923190765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294185595288078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2880551457669128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19543514350546615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22584189181708025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.182041480496169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22506129717274656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2610575535267933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6350642367873399,0.0,0.0,0.15162451372517366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172417268421446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,extinctturnip,2019/08/09,"Drowning The flashbacks and nightmares are progressively getting worse. I wake up every day, feeling cold and paralysed, wanting to not get outta bed. My routine is nonexistent, and I've lost touch with all the things I loved and was passionate about. I've been going late to work since forever, and that's embarrassing. I time travel every day, and relive it all, all over again. My anxiety has been at an all-time high. Having basic conversations with people seems like a task. The world seems like a minefield, and the smallest of things seem like emotional landmines, just waiting to blow off if I proceed. I'm always on the defensive, trying to ensure that whatever I do won't end up with me being hurt ever again. It's leading to me distancing myself from people and being unable to sustain any meaningful relationship. It feels worse after visiting certain neighbourhoods associated with certain traumatic incidents. Feels like I'm always unstuck in time, like Billy from this book Slaughterhouse Five. And the book propounds acceptance of what's not in one's control. In my world, everything seems chaotic, maybe a bit too chaotic to be controlled. How does one come to terms with that and accept it all without letting it overwhelm you? The therapy doesn't seem to be helping at all and seems like a waste of money and time. Not sure whether I want to take meds. My therapist has been insisting that I should consider having them for me to make any progress. And that makes me not want to go for therapy. Feeling like I'm doomed to feel this way forever, till forever ends, whenever it does. Does it ever end?",6.412551020408162,8.105159506802725,6.365918367346939,74.3576530612245,66.17687074829932,9.545578231292517,34.06802721088435,9.842372674337009,3.6193374149659867,1301,59,212,29,21,411,163,294,0.11599999999999999,0.7240000000000001,0.16,0.8545,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,1,7,8,20,1,2,12,0,19,3,1,6,10,63,47,17,1,5,8,0,6,7,0,2,0,0,1,0,17,19,0,4,14,3,1,6,7,6,0,3,5,7,18,14,39,35,7,37,1,4,0,2,7,13,0,7,24,139,35,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14728191768358656,0.0,0.0,0.1203691249608682,0.0,0.0677039763189209,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09662153127959852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623684882146588,0.0,0.0,0.19852558986103305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11415325474794565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323467369126585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955311521773094,0.2351601645789272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1601106975879334,0.14913391946663948,0.0,0.07954011248197823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22374697508627533,0.1264520451434384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247754198469553,0.0,0.1005957324237992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05932119027090231,0.09350748252080414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09474348530806864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983438892041477,0.0,0.0,0.09049954324049207,0.0,0.3026640904763961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09661065667473366,0.0,0.07987673281016572,0.0,0.1181518735184872,0.0,0.08891240210356564,0.0,0.09830604444037952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199428253473331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12271262847981672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09501829168261987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834147277224266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.073209972848504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08341231993005839,0.0,0.06654267511545743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024200638033186,0.10275792947791826,0.11759392001758898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15481911492301384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060087215922567425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1566027539711186,0.07024896381847118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08531300740049749,0.0,0.06443068949698427,0.0,0.18038270025118094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Jamessherman,2019/08/09,"Think I have a mild form of PTSD My dad used to yell at me a lot during my childhood. He never physically hurt me, but about once a week he would go completely ballistic and scream at me at the top of his lungs. He loved to do it in the car so I had no escape. Those car rides were a living hell for me, lasting about 30 minutes a piece. This happened from ages 7-15. Those years were filled with a lot of anxiety and dread. Looking back on it, it honestly seems like child abuse. He calmed down from 16-23. We had a normal relationship and just acted like nothing ever happened. I have some very bad memories from those times and just thinking about them makes me physically cringe. I'll occasionally have a bad dream where he is yelling at me. Anyways, to this day he still has an episode about twice a year. About 12 hours ago he screamed at me and it just really shook me to my core. It's all I've been able to to think about for the past 12 hours. I'm sure I'll be able to sleep it off, but as of right now I am having some pretty band anxiety and I'm shaking a little just from writing this. Do you think this is a case of PTSD?",2.043227848101268,3.609165759493674,3.2213734177215194,93.07307278481014,77.05907172995781,6.5965400843881845,21.97658227848101,7.365786028017652,0.4893579746835442,883,24,205,11,20,285,138,237,0.166,0.705,0.13,-0.9143,0,0,0,0,2,0,23.0,1,1,1,1,17,15,1,3,15,0,17,3,2,2,4,32,31,10,0,2,6,1,0,2,0,1,0,4,0,1,13,8,0,0,5,2,0,8,2,9,0,1,5,5,19,6,35,24,7,38,1,1,1,1,17,13,1,5,19,128,32,0,0.26083569766743664,0.15452382478349605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1156075540283754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995385947768891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10028327553975236,0.21778691243793946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674063319874388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0841087232983082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11797041083285402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07411946897270791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2306561460241941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2568706208522646,0.0,0.13961500454260295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106307953437889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12743114656031027,0.13071294652961804,0.11516134988592737,0.0,0.10951814644576477,0.0,0.0,0.22175318258403692,0.11770720042520788,0.0,0.08705492680770005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058628502591398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12778180152584245,0.12513944334478672,0.0,0.0,0.13889075262977715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449859379897668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13268183832688846,0.0,0.0,0.3049029723258001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354901350275827,0.0,0.0,0.1400199621299933,0.0,0.11137613031297593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11872751142637132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13051203504442402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415186254621064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1229172790939366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3342659659628669,0.0,0.0,0.07604769644749933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263914774498385,0.0,0.10760838374987387,0.0,0.0,0.10461333165103667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09264509794058952,0.0,0.0,0.16796963746355906 ptsd,Stroker_Ace2316,2019/08/09,I am a 16 year old diagnosed with PTSD for a year and half now with insomnia and anxiety worsening and I am not sure what to do if anyone could help I would really appreciate it Hello I am a 16 year old that got diagnosed with PTSD about a year and a half ago now and I have extremely bad insomnia recently within the last 3 months I have had insomnia for a long time now but not as bad as it's been I nap here and there but I normally can't nap longer then 2 hours but I can't sleep at all at night and it keeps getting worse to the point of not sleeping for multiple days and its has effected my anxiety and paranoia to the point where sometimes I can't even leave my room I just am lost really and have no idea what to do my therapy isn't helping me any more what can I do,2.217431318681321,3.364160422619048,4.2702380952380965,87.4645054945055,75.72619047619048,9.216849816849816,24.827838827838825,9.661875296680813,2.0044289377289384,613,20,143,17,13,211,93,168,0.17600000000000002,0.7929999999999999,0.031,-0.9703,0,0,0,0,0,0,0.0,0,0,0,2,9,4,0,0,9,0,20,7,2,1,2,29,24,17,0,4,8,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,8,13,0,1,2,2,0,0,8,3,0,2,4,0,16,1,17,18,2,26,0,1,0,0,3,7,0,1,19,101,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11822491484327632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09069652398603537,0.0,0.20405615855910728,0.0,0.0,0.09325576543205512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22271761904620666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10648550414116946,0.0,0.0,0.08601294900745435,0.0,0.0,0.270736531539313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808996761732879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06968058966542504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666858484579746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879089037273174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1313430922885224,0.0,0.0,0.15055907804502194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1185458421502956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087147708295306,0.0,0.1412201186952123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11802870926113986,0.0,0.0,0.14558967248877486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10645507301520638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12515919399738762,0.1306747879139905,0.0,0.0,0.2798998412899121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521564925494087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31180599089426225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17088113470818575,0.0,0.1316872940827924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26693366811242364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319068500701125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12570013245052386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15252080778987887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07776942010490245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1359159494207148,0.09474258759929158,0.0,0.0,0.3435449569413285 ptsd,lottieloop,2019/08/09,"Feeling disconnected hi guys, i am a 17 year old recently diagnosed with ptsd from an emotionally, financially and physically abusive relationship with my ex boyfriend. since breaking up with him i’m really struggling with this sense of feeling “disconnected” from who i was before. i know it sounds cliche, but for example i’ll look at pictures of me before or even during the relationship, and i just don’t feel like that’s me, my brains like, who is she? i struggle with memory suppression about the relationship which i know is normal but i’ve also been struggling with every day memory loss of “emotionally neutral material”, so again if i look at pictures/videos of me before the relationship, like for example a video of me and my friends, my brain is like; that’s not me, i don’t remember that happening. it’s really distressing and i’ve tried explaining it to my friends but they don’t really understand. it makes me feel so lost and ungrounded, like i don’t know who i was before this ptsd. my whole world is turned upside down, i can’t even remember what my personality was like. anyone else experience/experiencing anything like this?",8.044,8.379838685714287,8.597857142857144,64.58964285714289,62.14285714285714,12.904761904761903,36.54761904761904,12.311054993355176,4.917619047619048,924,40,158,31,12,309,110,210,0.102,0.745,0.153,0.882,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,1,2,8,15,0,4,6,0,14,3,2,1,0,32,30,13,0,2,7,1,4,7,2,0,1,1,0,2,15,11,0,1,11,1,0,0,6,6,0,0,5,7,27,9,21,25,1,11,0,2,2,0,17,5,0,2,12,102,42,0,0.0,0.11319904350408375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07640314576150067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06680365151126479,0.09789181831441987,0.07862111716496692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3251893412898331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21330803361323103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161526897912398,0.0,0.0,0.09697088871946563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07981124581869536,0.21493883763171812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262062773509519,0.0,0.08049640443575151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932311797314469,0.06825365419213769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14762762925430675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459942549353736,0.08448553206879245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15751853107015004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267314521377792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16045874403342938,0.0,0.1042929807022544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06377356023096692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936087216985516,0.0,0.0,0.10025295148755684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08342167064105196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22336183353726466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18361573228218744,0.0,0.09433402923251773,0.41029597362868653,0.21645594434494506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903151213647049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2996368373263885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486525468678887,0.10391987047408363,0.0,0.09946030408077412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666677787511053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06152450059155343 ptsd,schoolgrrl,2019/08/09,"PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, and PMS I was wondering if anyone had any tips on how to pull yourself out of a mood swing. Every month, for one week, my symptoms are more severe than the rest of the month. It's hard to concentrate on anything I'm doing, which is usually schoolwork. I love to learn, so that's not why I'm so depressed. Like, sometimes I just wake-up, and I'm fed up with the day already. I think maybe my meds are off in the morning, but only when I'm going through PMS... I feel like if I just had Cher here to slap me and yell ""snap out of it!"" I might... I just read a post about a person hugging themselves, and patting their own back, and I tried it for a minute and it actually was soothing. But, I'm still just in this shyte mood. Any tips or tricks for snapping yourself out of it? Sometimes the weirdest things actually help a little...",3.6926685934489374,4.5107254682080935,4.492615606936418,88.53040703275533,71.77456647398844,7.153949903660887,28.289499036608863,7.1686216300943375,1.3218250481695564,658,24,142,6,12,212,106,173,0.069,0.812,0.11900000000000001,0.8864,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,0,1,0,12,8,1,0,10,0,9,7,0,1,0,26,20,15,0,2,10,0,2,2,0,1,4,1,0,1,9,10,1,0,4,1,0,2,1,2,0,1,5,3,13,4,24,14,3,21,0,1,0,2,4,10,0,5,10,92,22,2,0.0,0.0,0.308601941150521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17448783620847375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21505217627377893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105602200880839,0.0,0.13011815702715024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12158346369606984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019734332631462,0.0,0.13618734130861418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18121764472125151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1332217624243996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994952849016948,0.11295997836325225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08986245928358175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416432316781833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10598358234352698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15449754805249052,0.1584764030039119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427082337771395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588514129044076,0.0,0.17563414874572966,0.0,0.0,0.16773887543426505,0.0,0.0,0.25241755826087764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10714527345677444,0.12025634054937455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13806308573768758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143393615901535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848322128843043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15816141564319872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862904126425855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127667293772409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262737393708842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16434579547145448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504698951898404,0.1013160313091482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735216821241718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741453282554641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12683322460759486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14267746663471015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147290554727265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HahaTwinTowers69,2019/08/09,"Make it for me, please? Before you acknowledge my username, or my awful post history, yup. This is a troll account. I've had a few. I get a kick out of causing trouble on Reddit. Truth is I wanna feel something. I've felt nothing for what seems like forever. In my mind I died near a bridge 2 and a half years ago. Going out drinking with some friends we came near this bridge, and from a nearby abandoned building we heard shouting and before you know it a dozen young men my age were chasing us, knives in hand. I let my friends get ahead and got myself cornered, and was told how I'd be dragged off to be killed and thrown in the water. This is near liverpool, in the UK, with a terrible gang culture. I got sliced up, my clothes taken off as they ripped and kicked and beaten and I accepted my desth. Since then ive bad sertraline, citalopram, fluoxotine and therapy. And nothing. In my mind I looked them in the eyes and I accepted death. My girlfriend stayed with me till recently, I left her. Threw her out of bed, kicked her in the middle of the night, barely talked to her and I can't put her through it anymore. I can't get past this. I distract myself all day, I run, hit the gym, bury myself in work and I still jump up every other night fighting. I'm afraid. Terrified. I barely leave my house unless it's in the car, friends gave up on me a long time ago and I can't blame them. I don't feel safe. So much crazy shit happens here that nowhere really is safe but even in the best of environments I look over my shoulder and I cut off to my room soon as possible. Even with all the locks installed I'm not safe there either. I replay everything they said and did and it's inescapable. I'm more of a ghost than who I was before it happened. I remember the hospital vaguely but not much before or after. I just wish they finished me off rather than left me as broken as this is. I've read about alot of you guys, pets, therapy, meds, alot of things are going well. But I hear alot of talk of giving up. Don't. But by but you guys seem to be making it, feeling, processing. Carry on, one day the past will be the last and you can live your lives. Please be like you would've been before trauma. It's a wonderful but short life. Don't end up trapped like me.",1.8108489449812664,3.848777652928419,2.906982350621181,92.88213000394406,79.41214750542301,6.013034904358115,22.407858410569908,7.075746649084167,0.5960190889370929,1762,55,382,21,44,563,242,461,0.113,0.774,0.113,0.4633,0,1,2,0,2,0,62.0,3,7,5,4,12,26,5,2,26,2,27,7,4,4,3,74,62,36,4,3,14,0,5,3,4,1,1,4,3,3,18,29,2,4,12,3,1,8,8,12,1,3,16,12,66,14,63,38,12,68,0,1,3,0,38,35,1,9,26,252,84,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15295322379982282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0855605319268647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203510756445998,0.0,0.0,0.3670636967254849,0.0,0.0905391413154456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09867436444680083,0.0,0.08862706635610725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127906377991456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953869318424862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08451558273000151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07641307296480329,0.0,0.0,0.11396620204255288,0.0,0.07268948648341311,0.0,0.07753742343560224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13086803683082898,0.0,0.08283647899077402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1999650165087352,0.0,0.1352236646530202,0.08276179167461199,0.098062897541488,0.0,0.13800224725860766,0.0,0.0,0.1708494611393367,0.15258345970620546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09723696187773392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09954850377783438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544929407262594,0.0,0.04741388229437241,0.07032474793946247,0.0,0.09135160912765417,0.18747370187196452,0.08822091377550573,0.060937810991694874,0.12644721732969436,0.0,0.15236287862182946,0.07634969162953067,0.14489670423568798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11517700391470223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583086013085387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17422410158573146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684249492900887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619244322185832,0.0,0.16556427860589853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05846143126291033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1647164101008851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18940568169884614,0.0,0.09726086574156312,0.0826265533141208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0867291042031126,0.0,0.0,0.08629725260629158,0.0,0.0552692731367936,0.0,0.08518507367985617,0.0,0.09773151702244356,0.0,0.08206624081032257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15708104698709013,0.0,0.0,0.08855892437287341,0.0713666662936836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0664178675404076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09195650432745564,0.06889845250635132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13868739474756792,0.0,0.0,0.19732345994023648,0.0,0.057316549382061974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050307008187978765,0.0,0.0,0.08243841404720112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037768858857568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757060226982862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0992107337644126,0.0,0.0935603704921953,0.06280843083931266,0.0,0.0,0.06128650726312156,0.0,0.0,0.05555756664532704 ptsd,kunst024,2019/08/09,PTSD Rape Nightmares won't go away TW - I have been having the same few nightmares every night for the past month regarding my rape and subsequent miscarriage. In the dreams I am either being raped over and over again by my ex or sitting on my dorm bathroom floor in a pool of blood from the miscarriage. I can't escape the flashback dreams and I'm starting to get physically sick from staying up all night to avoid them. I keep having anxiety attacks getting ready for bed just thinking about what's in store for me for the rest of the night. Does anyone have advice or support?,7.593513513513514,7.284663441441445,6.826801801801803,79.06831081081083,63.234234234234236,9.562162162162162,33.81531531531532,8.841846274778883,2.7170288288288287,466,17,86,6,6,143,78,111,0.203,0.713,0.084,-0.9434,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,3,6,4,1,8,0,9,5,1,0,1,12,17,5,0,0,4,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,1,3,0,2,1,3,1,1,2,5,0,0,1,0,9,1,20,14,5,19,0,0,0,3,2,9,0,2,7,59,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080411522339712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16286614507495034,0.0,0.0,0.1488630103514684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422018497757847,0.2000243817181405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1863081974361231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17937548046688193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2224605050980599,0.0,0.12099465970565686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892332430642095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993289972806086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5993701613608843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032349286809744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488659989819115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15069007608937798,0.226920603567012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2415937681714222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13641623909148656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,00187071,2019/06/12,"I just feel so sad I’m going through EMDR right now for my ptsd due to childhood sexual abuse. I’m 23, the abuse went from ages 11 to 14. I have such strong feelings of regret and guilt and sadness. I haven’t even had many flashbacks recently, I just have this overwhelming feeling that everything was my fault. I also feel like it’s wrong to talk about it, like everything I tell my therapist my abuser can somehow hear and will get me for it. My therapist tells me it’s normal, since my abuse occurred during a time when my imagination was running wild. Like I imagined my rapist as some supernatural being and that hasnt gone away since I’ve gotten older. And I know it’s not rational, I know he can’t hear me talking to my therapist. But the feeling stays with me. Sorry if this makes no sense, I’m a bit drunk right now. Just feeling lost and fucked up right now",2.9934482758620717,4.897634436781612,3.9891724137931055,87.12306896551728,75.32183908045977,7.168735632183907,24.818390804597698,8.021203637495839,1.3711866666666668,688,23,140,11,15,222,107,174,0.261,0.6609999999999999,0.078,-0.9899,0,0,0,0,4,0,16.0,0,0,0,2,13,14,2,2,4,0,11,3,0,1,0,28,32,12,0,3,6,0,6,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,9,7,1,0,10,1,0,4,5,10,0,0,7,8,22,4,14,23,2,20,0,5,0,2,7,5,1,3,13,83,31,0,0.0,0.5102594613423714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609928757860838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101154372191326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11754178439732656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07111140817280784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19352387875620172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3266305349151273,0.07691556338431485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0995341252240539,0.056250274434715836,0.0,0.06118823483366809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24269150543384746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1183392225577076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1577983564020191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11752855525012194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0718669113360585,0.10915493713111582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10548838230494356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585407674078253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10630573689587647,0.0,0.0,0.2758347669341085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17812242737887493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12052162927975528,0.0,0.11475606620518372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17307334559828966,0.18820709346528808,0.0,0.0,0.3750204607146238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06278005459675506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09980610008274507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11771426460372687,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WomanWithWords,2019/06/12,"Sigh... I feel like I’ve failed as a parent today. I experienced childhood trauma growing up. My mom was verbally and emotionally abusive to me for as long as I can remember. She would get angry and throw/break stuff, chase me in fury.... I feel like I’ve overcome a lot of the ptsd symptoms I used to suffer from. I am now a parent to an elementary aged child. When she was younger (say around 1-3 years old) I used to yell all the time. I couldn’t handle her constant talking/noise/movements... it would drive me absolutely insane. I couldn’t even handle playing with her because it would make me uncontrollably anxious. I feel like I’ve gotten WAY better about this. I have become so much more patient with her, but today I blew a fuse. I picked her up from the boys and girls club and found out she got in trouble today for not listening and talking back. This is a frequent occurrence and today it overwhelmed me. She kept telling me in the car that she couldn’t remember and that she didn’t know what they were talking about. Nothing makes me angrier than hearing these types of things. She is very intelligent and bright and I know she remembers. It amazes me some of the things she remembers, yet she can’t remember why she got in trouble?? Right. Then she was crying hysterically in the back seat. I told her we were going home to make dinner because I couldn’t possibly take her out in public to eat out like that. Her excuse was, “You’re yelling at me...” (still crying hysterically) Okay, I lied earlier, nothing gets me angrier than THIS. I instantly went from a level 6 angry to a level 20 angry on a scale from 1-10. I yelled as loud as I possibly could driving through a parking lot, “This is me yelling!!!!” Of course it didn’t help and only made her more upset and start hyperventilating. I hate that I have these episodes every once in a while. It makes me feel like such a lousy parent 😭",3.3567364864864864,5.366289467567569,4.291266891891894,84.89041385135134,74.5945945945946,7.111486486486488,25.886824324324326,7.972316293177498,1.5206283783783785,1493,53,294,23,32,482,190,370,0.149,0.7340000000000001,0.11699999999999999,-0.9466,3,0,0,0,2,0,57.0,1,0,1,2,12,20,1,3,18,1,24,3,0,8,1,53,52,21,0,8,2,4,4,5,0,3,1,8,1,3,20,18,2,1,12,2,0,6,8,9,1,0,16,14,57,10,44,28,7,46,0,3,1,0,39,18,0,3,26,194,77,2,0.0,0.0952968097932675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0908633991568812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160006155414425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369194521229995,0.0,0.0980591866926599,0.08882899979080568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07113410631576758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869166323101293,0.0,0.06421708785135108,0.0,0.17669792015749666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08230032501425895,0.0,0.090473315378486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0531234860080604,0.0,0.06776603675347315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267200155566747,0.22983782547628864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08818772466581325,0.0,0.0,0.0840430739219939,0.0,0.04571042003760018,0.0,0.12865499279490275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940831667123716,0.0,0.0,0.09065084720203934,0.0,0.05391076657187952,0.0,0.08067819649443053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840483116959345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19647102562518404,0.0,0.0,0.07117832659697966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13675801056161624,0.0,0.07610513958765806,0.21475152619821194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09419905098027867,0.0,0.0,0.05912555989250842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15435017540851356,0.0,0.08439811992562214,0.08565569519100655,0.0,0.061170903651208225,0.0,0.0,0.2679251480332571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18134626398884715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940187721855984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4555595241429351,0.06868707735403823,0.0,0.06396144061911202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0569290139771463,0.0,0.0642317794591689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207350516648724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359792734702337,0.060473611686404125,0.1292937334459187,0.07029966888030315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10686869807213127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046899582467153096,0.0,0.3049542600605211,0.0768546438623617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893199256450126,0.0,0.06636346008611048,0.0,0.0638418661702353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07455973798719155,0.07257587853446222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714062337460202,0.0,0.0,0.05179450681743193 ptsd,Kittemine,2019/06/12,"Feel like I’ll never be “me” again I’m constantly angry, hurt and depressed. I feel like I’m just getting more so each day and lost so much of myself. I believe there’s still a tiny part of myself deep down but those feelings overwhelm me. I don’t want to be a monster, I want to find happiness in things again, at least appreciate things. I live for the hope that one day I won’t be in constant survival mode and will thrive. A sense of self, personality, positive , broken yet alive.",3.950117820324003,5.098499298969075,4.7771723122238585,85.4937113402062,71.4742268041237,7.604712812960236,27.259204712812963,7.957251820313856,1.5143885125184098,380,13,79,5,7,123,68,97,0.132,0.618,0.249,0.9279999999999999,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,8,8,0,1,4,0,6,0,0,0,1,14,16,6,0,3,2,0,3,2,0,2,0,0,0,2,4,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,3,10,4,10,10,5,14,0,4,0,0,2,5,0,1,11,53,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.211409058978705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4055501806950028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.242028027984352,0.0,0.16161637692583272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2846333515439413,0.26810395540829224,0.0,0.0,0.17150202239295195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09803556266887244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974913639515066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18637153363085127,0.0,0.0,0.20087538427272872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833454836568492,0.0,0.16569193610306304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2048341658666536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13793897014176856,0.0,0.14472161300529213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12715154532292916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20319875137555435,0.0,0.0,0.16384236221751036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1957522526347785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985169738906076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2493229354489244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22135304452035687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,topsecretundercover,2019/06/12,"Feeling sick with anxiety after multiple car accidents In the past five years I have been involved in 4 car accidents, none of which were my fault. The most recent one was the worst one yet, my car was t-boned by a reckless driver who hit my vehicle so hard that my dog was ejected. He’s going to be okay but he was so scared after the accident that he ran off and we couldn’t find him at first. There were a horrible few minuets that we thought the worst had happened before a kind stranger called to let us know they had found him and would bring him back to us. Before this most recent accident, I had a lot of anxiety driving (because of my previous 3 accidents) and avoided driving as much as possible but I was starting to feel more comfortable behind the wheel after being accident free for 2 years. I am a very vigilant and careful driver, but seeing other people driving recklessly would make me feel really unsafe and scared, I would often feel my heart beating through my neck and I would need to give myself as much distance from other drivers as possible. Right now I’m still feeling pain from my most recent accident and I’m really scared to drive again. I feel like I have a big target on my back. I don’t know why people can’t help themselves from running into my car. I am terrified to get in a car again because each accident is worse than the last and I don’t know if I’ll be so lucky next time. I keep hearing the sound and feeling the impact of the crash and the anxiety of it all makes me feel sick to my stomach. Have any of you been able to overcome similar situations? What helped you with your anxieties?",6.015330173259232,6.137110369565222,6.520715920235372,78.4973962079111,66.4223602484472,10.008761033017327,32.78587773782281,9.811843763644266,3.056767701863353,1297,51,248,26,19,423,174,322,0.251,0.653,0.095,-0.9961,0,1,0,0,0,0,21.0,4,3,1,2,12,15,0,4,18,1,30,6,3,2,1,51,60,21,0,7,4,0,9,1,0,4,3,2,0,0,10,16,0,2,14,0,1,13,5,8,0,4,15,12,37,8,39,35,13,43,0,0,1,0,21,9,0,7,22,177,47,0,0.0941282250699832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06401042084196255,0.0,0.2880313381530217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14475758978046355,0.0,0.11475938467212672,0.0,0.16019237332638386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09611544196292762,0.0,0.09596999877619647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3807524706567655,0.06724522279770467,0.0,0.0,0.0860314924373868,0.08006542015910165,0.0,0.10320674033329716,0.0,0.0,0.04917811259984692,0.09029637054393136,0.05349523949306943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323727856614904,0.0,0.08432040099509193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10608935068489324,0.11154239991766372,0.1261843302531624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08366549137289588,0.0,0.09802006156885963,0.15519123249813585,0.07672706655888195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0962524875164217,0.0,0.04598629616889425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08002445089731741,0.0,0.0,0.1256626423037203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13839015191765078,0.06979488619498342,0.0,0.0,0.10010643522335824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12756744273006515,0.0,0.10015906800777848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985604165997177,0.13051331882939382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21223086148140516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12060190254157067,0.0,0.27882079962877204,0.0,0.0,0.08038498990188167,0.0,0.0,0.2827163222900483,0.0,0.07500800855839418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1058040687966915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662444217984974,0.0,0.07517092213127373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747272964807971,0.05488692499744164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22644933011304355,0.0,0.0,0.07766564358793884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0849360824168179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09592470294555504,0.2674639616760138,0.0,0.0,0.12123098165997095 ptsd,0RA0RA,2019/06/12,"FMLA Advice? I was advised by my coworker to look into filing FMLA with my workplace because we have extremely restricted workplace absences on a ""point system"". I honestly didn't even think that FMLA would even consider PTSD as a disability enough to miss work. Anybody else have experience in this field? Does FMLA consider CPTSD enough to file for in NC?",5.4261904761904765,8.354009634920638,6.2986507936507925,68.60607142857145,71.69841269841271,9.279365079365078,32.72222222222222,9.725611199111238,4.091869841269841,289,14,41,8,6,95,49,63,0.08,0.873,0.048,-0.2577,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,5,0,0,0,0,6,8,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,5,1,11,5,2,6,0,1,1,0,2,5,0,0,0,29,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2595655683785739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1619224675637439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324501313408812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2218955114369413,0.0,0.0,0.5489230349638866,0.0,0.3508854694858304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.259832111937864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22305800834577852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2511013786963137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31050128199248345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17020170411297686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933780835698266,0.0,0.0,0.188692300776486,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Lavendeer04,2019/06/12,"PTSD Flashback and dissociation. Please help. I was assaulted multiple times a few years ago by someone I trusted and used relive the trauma frequently. I go about my day and usually am alright, but i smoked a sativa last night. (I had smoked sativa right before the most traumatic event occured.) I had anxiety last night afterwatds and was emotionally void this morning and really antsy, then as im going about my day i felt as though my brain and body disconnected, I keep seeing his eyes when I look at my clients, i feel his hands on me and his breath. I cant shake the fear and anxiety im having. I feel hollowed out but at the same time all too aware of my body. Does this make any sense to you guys? Please share with me what your flashbacks are like and how you reset yourself and get out of it. I know about grounding yourself, but what else?",3.673948051948052,5.6714251090909125,4.239155844155846,85.66159090909092,73.66666666666666,7.6233766233766245,25.725108225108233,8.418075326091056,1.6749653679653682,673,23,133,12,14,213,107,165,0.081,0.7909999999999999,0.128,0.7131,1,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,3,0,0,7,8,1,2,6,1,8,6,6,3,1,27,20,19,0,0,3,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,13,0,1,4,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,5,7,26,4,15,15,4,25,0,0,3,0,9,7,0,1,16,82,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12821458606401753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0983601239698935,0.0,0.2212983273293295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12307794178010815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3213247490596644,0.0,0.16146601631004565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1865616002812185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12657539245305638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12082811604229415,0.16270047252712833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276015283072387,0.14626860643560818,0.0,0.13887703182644626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755684025866501,0.0,0.16440443037637512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14321628792806052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09694910768827952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3124719265001041,0.0,0.0,0.12856263082159394,0.0,0.0,0.0794903322863869,0.23580172351032186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07066377212635735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146112709551553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09654828786311843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714695844231138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31754245479615384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16907635800704612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092660053854992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12352172455776812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152593112729843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255295783680943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14210801368729686,0.0,0.16868143268120664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12492247434957487,0.1593004671961905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09314338375080296 ptsd,Crazycrazyworlditis,2019/06/12,"My PTSD takes me to places I have never been to. Jeez, I am so overwhelmed and I need help but there is no help. I guess I just need to vent. 'cause at some points, I think I am going kokoo but in fact, I think I just need some professional help which I can't afford right now. I am super detatched from reality most of the times. At other times, I feel super ready for the suicidal attempt but I have never attempted nor I will probably but I have never felt so sure and ready of it either. At other times, I blame myself for everything that has caused my PTSD (which is objectively very unfair to myself but I can't help it). I sort of detach myself from the whole picture and just hate myself for the mistakes I have made, for every stupid move, which was unclever or improperly done. Just like human mistakes, saying something stupid, or not following through with some actions, overreacting on things, etc. Nothing like hugely off. So I have been building my life in the past 3 years and one day it all vanished. I feel like I have not done anything during this time. I have no idea if I ever meet the people I have been seeing so much during this time and it feels so surreal that I am now in a world without any people I have met and made as my family. It feels like...what did I do? Didn't I made those friends, family...where did they all go? (they haven't died, I just can't see them for now). Did not I try to learn this and that? But now I don't even need this and that? But what did I do? Did I do anything at all? How come nothing is left and all is gone? How come....I am so sad. I love you all. Hope you are doing better than me. hugs to all of you.",1.0975563909774448,3.1949104181286567,2.6085764411027594,93.76436842105265,82.24561403508774,5.429039264828738,18.25096073517126,6.610729790773281,-0.13089550543024142,1281,29,285,13,35,417,158,342,0.128,0.695,0.177,0.9565,1,0,1,0,0,0,52.0,0,3,3,5,20,18,3,1,7,0,42,3,0,7,12,72,69,29,2,8,20,0,5,3,1,1,1,1,0,1,21,11,0,0,9,0,0,7,16,7,0,1,18,8,51,11,31,50,14,38,0,2,2,2,16,15,1,10,19,215,72,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497149635220263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15724502790210745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08449869277534469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19629487752054092,0.0,0.16460108509445684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161636363859393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915699308679772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19554425188519453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655402791003904,0.06310425976850176,0.08642275672989158,0.08049783453827111,0.0,0.08586653977349577,0.0,0.0900680233553451,0.0,0.19323461268474385,0.13650973357887922,0.09173482304148477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07381512600650031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10859687256752623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052497338471441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0943274513694542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25615781445929675,0.0,0.0,0.09489426727737027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785472430563367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10380611945174638,0.0,0.06748378704605705,0.1867070039214582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08622993406471491,0.27121103258522816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101545494498988,0.07023399574811122,0.2833712470046451,0.2210624845616924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334929230387445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.064741393127686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09120517262881392,0.13247289279933805,0.0,0.09982053267359556,0.0,0.09031759937338188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300989650194896,0.0,0.2233658017930292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159191908887037,0.0,0.07597843566560425,0.0,0.0,0.1522684116222184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07355251454242351,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450689413916936,0.0,0.09004673319385502,0.0,0.0718353178181742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06347352735136877,0.12243827098483705,0.0,0.0,0.2785550852773899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486640708564212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07883174353006686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666867292158952,0.0,0.09209859672767168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061525593638428376 ptsd,sarahbethatou,2019/06/12,"Advice for making editor care about mental health representation Hey! So I'm a reporter and I'm trying to work on a piece about mental health after natural disasters (tornadoes, hurricanes, flooding, fires, and other stuff like that), but my editors are about to kill the story. I found a quarter of people after natural disasters have PTSD symptoms after 2 years. **It shouldn't be killed because there are so many people who need to see mental health in the national news without it being discussed about a murderer, or a terrorist, or something else similar**. Just to be shown as something that every day people have to deal with. I really need a new or a different angle that **no one has done before**. My first thought was that trauma after a natural disaster can sometimes last years and has increased rates of PTSD, Anxiety, Suicide, and other stuff no one should have to deal with. Do y'all have any ideas on how to make them listen? What would you like the media to actually report on for mental health?",4.043953089244848,6.900291576086958,4.9890160183066365,76.54248283752864,76.17391304347827,8.004118993135013,25.988558352402748,8.841846274778883,2.5821891304347826,806,30,128,19,19,262,114,184,0.217,0.685,0.099,-0.9872,1,0,2,0,0,1,29.0,0,2,1,2,9,7,3,0,11,0,18,5,0,3,0,24,29,12,4,5,6,0,1,2,0,3,5,1,0,0,12,6,0,0,3,0,0,1,4,4,0,4,4,3,7,3,28,19,2,16,0,0,1,0,9,5,0,3,12,96,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.10199324201957402,0.0,0.0,0.1021325291706532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07107495364337114,0.0,0.0799550047390241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06371242243392759,0.0,0.08893603071525481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10656176173272312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06740463795917631,0.21550429804982646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10919772716904487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695689200866557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.087310308282557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08805984438444316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08890186865502739,0.0,0.1145971888387234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4443855438284074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798665508158035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2312645305193722,0.0,0.0,0.08519507647556948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021231801148172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13953144439546247,0.10596354955050584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.42131308473348794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499564713378058,0.0,0.10094289947841234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164646879651407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173762013347187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24434890527830305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06695608714718218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0832862940290895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1609241545897966,0.10336970858353817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23929327802914602,0.11432432794973392,0.0,0.0,0.10863289083618373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08297460106347683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07095999223462178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075038840962264,0.0,0.07608941696132385,0.0,0.0,0.07424567916968343,0.0,0.0,0.13461068195280798 ptsd,paperbunnyhopping,2019/06/12,"My hair is literally falling out I dealt with a physically and emotionally abusive alcoholic ex and finally got away from him about a year or so ago. After we seperated I went into hyper drive - I didn't let myself sit still or go home much at all. I immediately jumped into the dating scene and I think I may have done this to distract myself from thinking about the divorce and abuse I went through. Now that it's been a year(ish) and I've settled into a new routine and established a new life, I noticed my hair is freaking falling out. I tried all sorts of things but I finally gave up when nothing was working and went to my doctor. She thinks I have PTSD. I don't necessarily feel stressed but I guess you could say I cry more than normal(?). And I get triggered and sent into a spiral when I hear certain things on the TV. I also have a hard time accepting love from anyone. When my current SO tells me he loves me, 7/10 times I just feel numb and don't believe him. Is this PTSD? And does anyone have any experience with hair loss because of stress/trauma? Thanks for any input..",2.527247441032486,4.842651266355144,3.8235380507343137,85.80007788161994,78.39252336448598,6.319181130396084,25.14374721851357,7.447530270364453,1.2862307966177124,857,32,168,12,21,280,135,214,0.10800000000000001,0.7809999999999999,0.111,0.7746,1,0,1,0,2,0,24.0,1,1,0,2,11,10,0,2,10,0,16,9,3,1,3,40,34,21,0,2,5,1,6,0,0,1,4,2,1,0,6,20,1,0,6,1,0,9,3,5,0,0,10,8,31,5,25,21,4,36,0,1,0,2,15,10,0,5,16,116,37,2,0.0,0.2721039215016489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178776266510876,0.12271581150825142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09182761149398057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15617344736985345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16058029276712862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10788433507097238,0.0,0.0,0.06999785537474545,0.0,0.0,0.12937141347118933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09168051621914317,0.0,0.12613275591371592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753094147294416,0.10048642983429207,0.11750852929691867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12916562453216926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232345249420894,0.0,0.0,0.11612059637107225,0.0,0.0,0.25157610438773964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059992695555174565,0.0,0.06525918639197338,0.0,0.0918381426833782,0.0,0.12649557646451526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10286299897577876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941908057904528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518147193719615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11741902799293075,0.08110614851337418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072728323257271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08441151777605861,0.0,0.0,0.2218024745841327,0.0,0.0,0.11250669383974732,0.11018020462656417,0.1307320139394568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.268454701285067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09131553750388398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170149091970796,0.0,0.26306931658222915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10036440686784312,0.10571785098133367,0.0,0.0,0.15257274558448553,0.2207307197380492,0.0,0.0,0.1339138249621018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07796042096787557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31933908075929485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0835958797443439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14789045349829524 ptsd,Psycho_Bell,2019/06/12,"Can dealing with a suicidal person give someone PTSD? (NSFW suicide maybe, just being safe) They've dealt with suicidal people about to commit suicide before and now they get flashbacks to it and act like they are back with one of those people. If you fall asleep texting them they freak out and think you might commit suicide despite the fact that you've never had suicidal thoughts before. In the morning they don't remember sending you all of those messages asking if you're ok where you went telling you they are there for you etc. (They message for over an hour) Is it possible they are dealing with some form of PTSD? Can someone get PTSD from dealing with a suicidal person in their past?",4.880147991543339,7.201184217054268,4.351078224101482,84.75507399577168,71.17054263565892,6.551374207188162,29.556730091613808,7.348242739294969,1.864792248062015,560,23,96,6,11,168,80,129,0.225,0.716,0.059000000000000004,-0.9846,0,0,0,0,0,5,11.0,0,6,9,0,6,4,0,0,5,1,10,1,1,0,5,23,17,5,7,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,2,5,9,0,1,3,0,0,4,2,1,0,1,3,0,15,3,18,12,4,14,0,0,0,0,26,5,0,4,6,69,20,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09059749286592113,0.0,0.0,0.07451758170963757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1649260434180096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2997289534772065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10807993864219488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012626427268528,0.09296462009758076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09543653901979053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04734518704665045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973588248019143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028058831034899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07474273923488109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06566852454191711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09251127953506746,0.13436997555450994,0.16923563385660306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925113208731914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3398467795080053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10977980500075138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642225581031435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7420244217373714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470335414253849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06209582629138158,0.0,0.07693548130903784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08983626796673942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,deadm_ssages,2019/06/12,"Always triggered at home & I really wanna move out So I’ve recently been diagnosed with PTSD and social anxiety. I went through a lot of sexual trauma as a kid til about 13 and it cycles thru my fucking head every day to the point where I shut down and can’t function. Any kind of shouting or someone getting in my face and cornering me really gets me going in all the bad ways and I get violent or I shut the fuck down and that’s what happened last weekend. I’ve been wanting to move out since I can remember. Going on 23 and so much has happened. I was assaulted on campus and in my hometown. I dropped out because I was majoring in Social Work and I need a good head on my shoulders for that, better than I am right now, better than I have been. Anyway the opportunity for me to move out has presented itself but I have no job lined up and only $3 to my name. I’m going to update my resume and apply for jobs out there. It’s an hour and a half drive from where I currently live and I don’t drive, which would make such a big difference in my mind and idk I guess I’m really unsure cos I’ve been so used to doing shit for others that this seems so far beyond what I can do for myself. I feel bad but I also can’t stand being here anymore and I can’t help but feel like I need a big change to grow. I feel dull and the flashbacks won’t stop. Any kind of advice or different perspective would help, thank u.",2.0581543624161114,3.5987690167785265,4.026585234899333,87.42479060402685,76.9530201342282,7.184107382550336,22.322684563758393,7.9765259561132025,1.024433395973154,1109,31,238,18,25,378,165,298,0.11800000000000001,0.809,0.073,-0.904,4,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,4,14,17,5,0,12,0,23,8,5,4,1,49,47,29,0,6,6,0,3,1,0,3,1,1,1,1,11,22,0,1,5,1,0,10,6,9,0,1,7,4,33,8,43,36,4,52,0,1,0,2,6,28,3,6,12,161,44,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1007212345499539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08242702502512911,0.08576456033273991,0.11167898902786982,0.0,0.14018564182581872,0.0,0.07885016508605099,0.0,0.10222020376857736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212243093637147,0.06283202713007212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823184649456328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10903701692771356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06647322263308544,0.0,0.0,0.10461639755173616,0.0,0.21537760750324325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08684300988823945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1563496286240448,0.07363500031417214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905776937633061,0.16155334993686984,0.0,0.1757353970881633,0.08645230599189956,0.0,0.0,0.1135459572254279,0.0,0.1822933073419285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21156420180342211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1381746213524683,0.0,0.10339010146660324,0.0,0.10150563044008848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20456706413118267,0.0,0.0,0.21466825342021226,0.0,0.08401782810899731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05035600734093671,0.0,0.09101488822441653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762853659794187,0.0,0.0,0.0688016807777607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1040738221491758,0.0,0.0,0.3286492028064129,0.07577013247907909,0.15285387580188484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07839126567162208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09743680957946307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12048621335636228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19809261004875664,0.0,0.10177163925347348,0.0,0.1167610270724558,0.0880233347502839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0938333146697059,0.0,0.0,0.10580241953917542,0.08526262058609113,0.0,0.0,0.2101388262939206,0.08733297782983786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08617320856870098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489529136900696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0890215289405531,0.0,0.0,0.06079481922591326,0.0818141370030947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09554922160848313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07503799303476824,0.0,0.0,0.14643946501070446,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Gjvdgkbdsb,2019/06/12,Name of test I did a PTSD test and the psychologist said anything over 33 indicates PTSD. I don't suppose anyone here knows the name of the test? She told me but I can't remember.,0.34621621621621657,2.7668295675675694,2.2851891891891896,91.85913513513515,91.16216216216215,6.203243243243244,20.913513513513514,7.554174236665415,0.9441718918918922,142,5,31,3,5,47,27,37,0.0,1.0,0.0,0.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,6,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,3,1,5,0,3,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,0,18,5,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22072761799164625,0.0,0.2597740022151181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17348697446972364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7380154280730213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575987533206588,0.0,0.3002796467054223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3016414252757532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Twilek36,2019/06/12,"Kids and loud noises Hi friends! I’m not looking for advice, just a communal vent. Who here has kids? I love my young child so much... BUT the loud noises that she produces make my skin crawl and cause panic attacks. She’s just being a healthy, creative kid, but it’s really hard on my nerves.",1.918505747126435,4.252339931034484,2.624827586206898,93.46126436781613,80.72413793103449,5.2459770114942526,21.73563218390805,6.42735559955562,0.32402528735632163,228,7,47,2,6,71,46,58,0.128,0.727,0.145,0.2506,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,4,4,1,1,3,0,2,2,1,3,0,10,6,5,0,0,5,0,2,0,1,0,0,2,0,4,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,6,2,2,5,1,2,0,0,1,1,10,1,0,0,1,26,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32579264933722635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.379288335338997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3424915661413252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2575824538084552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29865910577043997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27997033639248664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30090469541669,0.0,0.22254574181498685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450858779808621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39117069718486863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2135832843665902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,destinationdadbod,2019/06/12,"After feeling better Has anyone had the sensation of feeling a little odd once all the mental chatter stops? My mind was constantly racing from thought to thought and now that it’s quiet I feel like I have to get used to being calm. Has anyone else dealt with anything like that? Sometimes it gives me a bit of anxiety, but I feel like that’s just getting used to a new feeling.",5.191891891891891,6.1962041351351385,5.49010810810811,82.06164864864867,68.45945945945945,7.541621621621622,31.016216216216225,7.554174236665415,2.0568572972972974,302,12,55,3,5,96,52,74,0.055999999999999994,0.742,0.20199999999999999,0.8319,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,5,0,6,0,0,2,1,16,18,2,0,0,2,0,5,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,7,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,6,5,5,9,13,2,6,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,8,35,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331903354933329,0.0,0.0,0.24347741861434996,0.17839179960575066,0.14327410420577533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15398228707725362,0.19007826226319932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18814634106396044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544291867828893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4401652059102337,0.24876220322920425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1819260184146403,0.16701799135741513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2551776589633515,0.17449958712065994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1754575316659195,0.0,0.17579706108407858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815230880272244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18541682084476727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17219492652183846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.145560108178298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2764408554321805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30074273890947745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mchughelysa,2019/05/23,"I’m Getting Worse Again: TW Rape Hello, I’ve been having an incredibly difficult time these past couple of weeks. It’s getting worse, and the panic isn’t leaving me, the memories of being abused are still there. I am scared, and I want to be healed. I thought that I was healed. I’m having a constant panic attack, so much so that I don’t even stop my day to deal with it, because I still have school to work on. I’m tired of feeling this pain. I don’t even know the name of one of my rapists. I just remember being so damn helpless and not being able to stop them. I was sexually abuse at the ages of 6 and 7, while living in poverty. I was raped, by three different men, one of them being my own elementary school principal. I was gang raped, I was forced to do a lot of things I didn’t want to do. I thought therapy has helped me process the events, but it turns out I’m still struggling. These abortion bans and laws are extremely triggering. It isn’t fun. I’m still broken. I still want to become small, to turn back the clock, to not have to feel these feelings anymore. It’s extremely difficult to try and re-process these at each different stage in my life. This is my plight now. Now, I am lying on my bed, trying to calm myself down, trying to not burst into tears. I am trying to get on the hotline with RAINN. I’m in so much pain my body is starting to hurt. Sending my love.",2.085368421052632,3.844099080701756,3.3886315789473684,91.07242105263157,77.49122807017544,6.524912280701756,23.329824561403512,7.404127859558343,0.8211150877192988,1078,34,236,14,25,351,147,285,0.231,0.703,0.066,-0.9924,2,0,0,0,2,0,40.0,0,0,2,1,17,19,6,4,10,0,30,12,1,1,0,33,52,12,0,3,5,0,3,0,0,0,6,0,1,1,14,11,0,3,7,0,0,1,8,16,0,3,9,3,30,3,37,38,5,35,0,2,0,5,9,12,1,1,21,157,44,3,0.09948263972736764,0.2357413211105967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986600468268254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11317586447005573,0.0,0.07649600925346814,0.0,0.06064369381332485,0.10987075962482458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11050278598135238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750539169004487,0.0,0.0,0.11007564866828357,0.0,0.0641580726307084,0.10256223329086443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20787636942914825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314146905936111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15090423529508587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15592671978904546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06668111640520905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649822337704153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05467305709836984,0.0,0.0,0.1053377513120666,0.0,0.0,0.07026753049062258,0.0,0.0,0.08784499348571574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457658276334554,0.08978696641552444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14626237363769926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482402262043355,0.0,0.21171308543507672,0.23344288597582985,0.0,0.0,0.09496743631509236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11269443782949955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09959947725391388,0.20136348505750268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07041432443336745,0.0,0.3972348229662017,0.16634388269962175,0.0,0.1040008550398742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11376706852626695,0.0,0.0660918453711804,0.0,0.0,0.15795620724967852,0.05800912724322456,0.11434065987911175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2701687286516212,0.2164170897284902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17603231525255833,0.0,0.07979897288897027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242454655404437,0.0,0.202762617843743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,iescapednj,2019/05/23,"Short term memory loss I have had PTSD for 12 years. I still have issues but have been fairly good about finding work arounds. My biggest issue I have never been able to ""fix"" is my short term memory. I seem to have none. I can remember the jist of a conversation but never a sentence. I cant remember people's names even if I repeat them over and over. My thoughts always just feel scattered. It really effects my ability to work and causes depression. Any suggestions to rewire my brain would be appreciated.",3.289375,5.984057520833336,4.624833333333335,79.00350000000002,77.95833333333334,8.006666666666666,24.18333333333333,8.841846274778883,2.2187658333333338,406,14,71,10,10,134,68,96,0.081,0.8009999999999999,0.11800000000000001,0.6821,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,4,5,3,0,0,3,0,13,1,1,2,2,19,16,5,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,7,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,4,1,13,1,10,10,3,13,0,2,0,0,4,6,0,2,7,51,14,2,0.19074489096156005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587150295346446,0.0,0.0,0.12971306677488054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1698033932210707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21293438143601376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195947546115934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16428829508396495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12598520152219914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644634811286988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743373747038036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15998776470850148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3981762181707777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942284379181681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223849037116708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22297057009540214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12219606145205247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43215355593039584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17364698485431151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15232911631712218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143013701240246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777291047614054,0.0,0.0,0.1354996978008119,0.0,0.0,0.12283345596234012 ptsd,joeman1892,2019/05/23,"Cannot Stop Worrying. Was robbed at gunpoint So on May 18th, 2019, I made the worst mistake of my life getting into that car. So this starts back as me as a teen, realizing i have a major anxiety disorder and have been on multiple medications for it as well as illegally taking benzodiazepines. On this day, i was going to buy some Xanax from my old friend from middle school. I didn’t think anything of this as he used to come to my house all the time and we were tight. So me and my friend pull up to the car, i get in the backseat of the car and there is 3 guys in the car. Friend in the back left, and two sketchy guys up front. We caught up for what i think was around 20-30 seconds, he counted my money, and that’s when i saw him chamber the magazine and put it directly to my head. I still remember the billets perfectly. Silver Hollow points. I then proceed to notice the front two drivers have guns drawn. Stupidly, i’m in shock and try to exit the vehicle, causing the driver to discharge at my calf. The bullet ended up exploding or ricocheted off into pieces, but i ended up with my whole leg bleeding from small pieces of sharpnel. At this point. i let them take my phone, watch, necklace, $550 cash, and my designer glasses. Then they pistol whipped me and threw me on the pavement and drove off. Luckily my friend heard the shot and was already on the police with 911. I found out from his perspective he thought they had killed me and dumped me out of the car. I feel absolutely horrible and at guilt for putting him through that. He was crying and gave me a huge hug asking if im alive. Immediately swarms if police come, detectives, the whole 9 yards. I knew this kid remember, so i gave all the info i could, and they ended up catching him at a traffic stop in the car they shot me in. there was a bullet hole in the back right. They luckily retrieved all of my belongings including my watch (passed down in the family). Ever since this incident, I have been extremely paranoid and my anxiety has gotten extremely worse. Every time someone comes into my house or arrives I have my hand on my shotgun. Every time i’m driving i feel as if i’m going to get shot by the two still at large for locking up their accomplice. He is facing 20 years due to Florida’s laws. how am I going to overcome this and is it going to stick with me forever? Should i be worried about people coming after me or is it all in my head? I haven’t slept more than 4 hours a night since the incident. Any advice helps. Thank you for reading.",3.9544742356670817,5.226581437375747,4.913482349148353,84.04881253022407,71.60437375745526,8.221138036644994,27.709902745688034,8.685302888712808,1.9747955402718824,1985,71,400,35,37,648,252,503,0.091,0.82,0.08900000000000001,-0.3435,0,0,0,4,0,0,57.0,2,1,7,1,17,15,3,1,30,0,29,11,6,4,6,70,66,39,1,6,7,0,4,0,4,2,4,1,1,3,15,33,0,3,11,2,3,25,3,7,1,4,24,8,64,8,78,37,12,96,0,0,3,1,32,45,0,8,26,273,79,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08251990546063404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0931885450132405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05742635086878092,0.0,0.1292023116581089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06949207461474399,0.0751750727993052,0.07894585133261206,0.0,0.0,0.19480187832640447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674956821936275,0.0,0.2909718937293921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742346513953902,0.0,0.0927602485458812,0.054460850007009766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967827271473704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22438295743796416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07638647452591417,0.14229922812036672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960841602328671,0.0,0.08539713021132295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925909626033537,0.2609718761897566,0.0,0.13235905242034512,0.0,0.19197101675198314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16723014304452308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17333244583111485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05660254633500126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0831625532100072,0.1948792863099354,0.0,0.0,0.09121644912389147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342727214249824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09175110583335792,0.0863520196775122,0.05964688902735399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07990509064824025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08507072020952013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07924709209422907,0.0,0.0,0.09614262384168627,0.08861214183084601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0585444021579725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1596580175135825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16978362595105082,0.0,0.0,0.08446910983189954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19132229581095805,0.07211664247741784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08546412093555061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397096336542743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07155103992038159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05977149568353865,0.0,0.1348777806069485,0.1412017050049544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12698615231006635,0.0,0.0,0.07774676817077755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821950399952213,0.0,0.0670408956969154,0.1477238754980309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05733346562782338,0.0,0.2474751690968054,0.0,0.0,0.07293445304715937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592732705813914,0.0,0.0,0.18856246144297897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17151854717016016,0.0860579508129685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05438062113480386 ptsd,CrucifiedKid,2019/05/23,"You are NOT alone! Hi Guys, &#x200B; My name is Bastiaan and 20 years old. I am a Dutch boy and I am suffering from PTSD for 12 years now. &#x200B; At the age of 8, I have seen a man who tried to take his life by using (meat) hooks. To make things worse, around the age of 13 I have seen a deadly car accident. To top it all of: at the age of 17 I conquered another suicide attempt. This time a roommate who tried to take her life using a knife. I got diagnosed with PTSD at the age of 16. This is also were I started EMDR. It helped me a lot and I am almost symptom-free. Because I have quite much experience, I would like to help others. This, and I want to try to talk about the things I have experienced, because I have always been silent about my past. &#x200B; If there is anybody who needs someone to talk to, or has some questions, or something else: please message me. I am a warm person and I am always ready to help someone who is suffering from the same thing I do. &#x200B; With love, &#x200B; u/CrucifiedKid",2.4773913043478264,4.2936407246376875,3.5452415458937203,90.1277173913044,76.53623188405797,6.339130434782609,25.02657004830918,7.1686216300943375,0.9737903381642514,798,28,169,9,18,257,118,207,0.081,0.804,0.115,0.4646,0,1,1,0,0,1,49.0,0,1,0,4,6,5,0,0,13,0,20,4,0,3,1,25,32,9,2,4,4,0,1,1,0,1,3,0,0,4,13,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,5,4,23,3,27,26,5,17,0,2,2,1,21,5,0,7,12,113,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07828680319211699,0.08097175675341578,0.0,0.06252117762744884,0.13010541892221802,0.4235444569385284,0.4749912993821746,0.0,0.0819794118827382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959750968202781,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953166107279576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935189183501236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531004746944634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07647584872202726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06252834782769957,0.0,0.0,0.07741130847149418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15720887735332215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11044285777193093,0.03819520210285414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06646654177077338,0.07056124708215178,0.0,0.05218630787247282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0574719020871567,0.05797009122396553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820376245658192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07463244395156574,0.0,0.068264480947012,0.0,0.08581906875483368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18277840173451115,0.0,0.08758041669170565,0.08315493101627207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324847188884649,0.0601874187709164,0.0,0.0,0.055336790436507764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551713345400418,0.0,0.0,0.08125981223538706,0.11756450157990385,0.1256775716390011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558195989082294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045587867859197696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1592389450605305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13504626236025388,0.0,0.0,0.04611307626950245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07967294000380942,0.055537415069945945,0.0,0.4749912993821746,0.10069177627664842 ptsd,Maxandjeezus,2019/05/23,"Today's the anniversary of the day I got raped It's been years, but without fail, this day fucks me up. It doesn't help that it was the day before my birthday, so I feel stressed just thinking about tomorrow. I'm stuck at work, which I guess is keeping me from sulking in bed all day, but it's taking all of my power to act normally. I wish I could take it off the calendar and pretend there is no 23rd of May, but unfortunately that's not possible.",5.7477419354838695,4.926626139784947,6.5091612903225835,81.5237419354839,67.17204301075269,10.020645161290323,32.578494623655914,9.3871,2.588898494623656,353,13,77,6,5,117,66,93,0.254,0.677,0.07,-0.9537,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,3,4,4,2,1,4,0,7,2,0,0,2,17,18,5,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,9,1,0,1,2,1,0,1,4,4,0,0,4,1,9,0,11,12,2,12,0,1,0,2,1,4,1,2,7,51,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1792763018811367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16821378229979245,0.0,0.0,0.5434942003043673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1065280035716414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19477367570897886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16850299253587078,0.0,0.2320918362897017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14121683581679695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872653432487791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20642528298588514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23751420371251564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2413374540973535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31681582866685376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13499760097387653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19970350271861295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2422758449673053,0.20309155807722776,0.0,0.15338023493304148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13567338827759232 ptsd,kmw920,2019/05/23,"As a person who's anxiety disorder and depression, should I ask for encouragement from my partner who's PTSDs in childhood and adulthood? Before the relationship, I didn't know he had PTSD in his childhood, and I wasn't diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression though I had been always so anxious and pessimistic. We've been together for three years. Last year I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression (later I also have OCDs, e.g. clearing my throat, coughing and spitting; choking anxiety is still going on). He experienced another PTSD last year. This year he's been extremely apathetic and depressed. We've been in two different countries since he had another PTSD last year. We contact each other less often but should I still ask for encourage from him? I do always encourage him.",7.606071428571429,9.595121750000004,7.8228571428571465,63.91214285714287,63.64285714285714,12.17142857142857,39.714285714285715,11.792908689023552,5.7843,655,36,94,23,10,213,80,140,0.19399999999999998,0.732,0.075,-0.8062,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,0,2,0,15,5,2,0,1,18,19,13,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,4,12,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,4,0,2,10,1,14,3,12,7,2,18,0,4,0,0,19,4,0,1,13,66,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0852917106173938,0.17749047861178965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236734668227635,0.3263621590420322,0.12048943254854642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1994154605878952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09075527884589216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3674460851031484,0.21650451421961728,0.0,0.11143144233965076,0.3667065169086236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06061431360692225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058614623935559024,0.2608134023855597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09312675441069937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3740208471618434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11450721400745507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08822585504320324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034913354399944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047876834946464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10418612672793773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434105918043667 ptsd,hazier,2019/05/23,"I was 450km away. I was also in the room. March 15th 2019. The first call I heard was a man whispering 'please.... please... please...' as gunshots popped in the background, then the foreground, then there was just a dial tone. A man ran from the mosque and called us as he plead for the life of his son inside. Gunshots in the background. A teenage girl rang in full panic - she lived across the road from Al Noor, she screamed that people were running outside covered in blood. Gunshots in the background. I spoke with the police. Was I amongst the first 100 people to learn his name? First 50? First 20? I searched him, the video was live and had 200 viewers. If it weren't for me my colleagues may have never seen it. If I hadn't have seen it maybe I wouldn't be here now. Gunshots in the background, gunshots in my ears, 'please, help me' in my ears, gunshots in the video, that video... it was one wall that I was never supposed to be a fucking fly on. By the time Jacinda Adern was addressing the nation I was stood in our office kitchen trying to figure out if I was about to pass out or vomit. By 1700 I went home, guilty, sweating, sick to my stomach. My diagnosis came 2 weeks later. I sliced a 12 cm wde, 1.5 cm deep laceration in my upper thigh. I will bear this scar with so much shame, for transferring my trauma to my sister and boyfriend who sat in the ER with me for 14 hours, waiting to be seen. ""You helped!"" ""You did good work!"" ""Take solace in that fact!"" Shut the fuck up - I was a glorified switchboard, eavesdropping on an attack not directed at me and becoming a victim of it anyhow... the guilt I feel when I say it feels like I was in that room is horrific. But my scumbag brain has connected all the little pieces into a full horror show where I stand in the middle of that room and can't do anything but yell 'stay on the line with me!' until the gunshots finally stop. I am back at work. Back taking calls. I even got a promotion, based on my performance from the 6 months prior. I do not think the next 6 months will be so kind. Everyone thinks I'm doing well. Is sudden imposter syndrome a common symptom? I've never even been to Christchurch. I'd never so much as seen a gun.",1.757517838939858,4.04451572018349,2.559767584097859,93.96729153924568,81.0183486238532,5.251702344546381,21.38613659531091,6.42735559955562,0.2428262589194703,1698,51,358,15,45,531,240,436,0.083,0.878,0.039,-0.9276,0,0,0,8,0,0,77.0,2,2,0,8,16,13,4,3,38,0,37,14,7,0,6,40,59,22,0,4,9,2,2,1,0,4,4,9,6,3,14,13,1,2,6,4,0,5,10,9,2,5,31,16,46,4,57,20,6,77,0,0,5,2,25,42,2,6,29,237,60,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07841691138680858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069334209225383,0.0,0.0,0.11155508020398368,0.09212867682875284,0.15080102966323053,0.0,0.0,0.10829730755237836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10946510777290394,0.30038440754355755,0.11215217786972352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12953270927328106,0.0,0.0,0.09369857842362184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09916209697352997,0.07005262282417324,0.0,0.10741769694241188,0.0,0.3336321865740597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18130599908929695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08224636053630797,0.07842590457886002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1314523608634311,0.0,0.09836012427365992,0.0,0.09656733365126192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1021122708291472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06926123371199208,0.04790616383696824,0.09827983191059354,0.17317394198319072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09851239593455499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15653784870766627,0.0,0.14416775960474829,0.0,0.30251336068284296,0.0,0.10428574785261646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06644660823786139,0.0,0.0,0.11504988272023885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13596207904598792,0.0,0.0,0.430552754456863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07797962177367815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10451673327139603,0.0,0.0819808413343645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10191976122621002,0.14745475777119998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256631566362057,0.0,0.0,0.05717838226800712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665749149221521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11795164660929053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07865617693761817,0.0,0.0881658780575957,0.09090070691823103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427747185745811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,theboatwhofloats,2019/05/23,"Just a quick reminder for everyone. We are all healing, slowly but surely.",3.196153846153845,6.3327843846153895,4.191153846153849,76.59134615384617,89.76923076923076,5.676923076923077,29.57692307692308,7.1686216300943375,2.681030769230769,59,3,8,1,2,19,13,13,0.0,0.741,0.259,0.5927,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,5,1,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,8,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7119534332278556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7022266791535829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,apricot1917,2019/05/23,"Should I disclose childhood abuse to my parents? Hey, burner account here. I was sexually abused by a best friend’s father between the ages of about 9 and 11 years old. I didn’t tell anybody for a long time. Now, in my late twenties, I have largely made peace with what happened. I do struggle with that trauma but see a therapist bimonthly and have a supportive girlfriend and group of close friends. Lately, though, my girlfriend has expressed discomfort with my decision to not disclose the abuse to my parents/family. They were not close with the abuser, who is now dead, and I don’t believe telling them would be healing or cathartic in any way. In fact I feel disclosing to them would be traumatic in and of itself, as doing so would completely devastate them and myself. I’m in a good place and, while I love them very much, I absolutely do not want or feel the need to tell them. Am I in the wrong here? Should I tell them? If not, how do I explain this decision to my girlfriend? Genuine thanks for any help or input.",5.0347959183673465,6.385203091836736,5.161836734693877,82.99030612244898,69.10204081632654,8.253061224489796,31.857142857142854,8.634040054169528,2.512687755102041,810,35,153,13,14,254,117,196,0.205,0.6679999999999999,0.126,-0.9646,2,0,0,0,4,0,26.0,0,0,7,1,8,11,0,2,10,0,20,2,0,2,1,37,32,17,1,8,9,2,2,0,5,5,1,0,0,0,5,13,0,0,5,0,1,0,6,4,0,0,4,3,26,7,25,21,2,22,0,0,1,1,25,9,0,4,12,112,31,0,0.0,0.5559788661234372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595514237870939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13216967137693816,0.12311097971558672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12299867399955515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11059066029612348,0.0,0.11863224379067767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18126885038198132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839515895517803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1037380018183368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07863129661816974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2646645292195161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10381681558858498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105878035181085,0.11100279564946502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0862373090433521,0.08698484808404491,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12309848336211647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13026032414991368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12256534792520878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09348192375170916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12263924964136905,0.0,0.0,0.13312348157815015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4101410139301987,0.10800449069833093,0.0,0.13620746980544793,0.0,0.0,0.11525776402185126,0.0,0.06840516681071668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967941145426212,0.06919324860976575,0.09311625552191168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500037611210091,0.1282614989416556,0.0,0.07554463584418138 ptsd,Wide_Awake_,2019/05/23,"Crowd Sourcing Ideas for Fictional Book Hi everyone! I'm an author, and I'm writing a fictional book about a girl who develops PTSD after a sexual assault. I have PTSD myself, so I have my own experiences to draw on, but I'd love to here from you to inspire some of the conversations and themes in the book. Which is why I'm asking you a few questions: What is the best thing a therapist (or anyone, really) has told you that has helped you cope or better understand your PTSD and its symptoms? What would you want to tell people who don't have PTSD/what would you want people without PTSD to know? What advice would you give to other survivors? Anything else you'd like to include is more than welcome! &#x200B; Thank you in advance!!",5.107042253521129,6.380321957746482,5.487436619718308,81.01214084507043,68.85915492957747,8.496901408450704,28.9887323943662,8.841846274778883,2.269944225352113,586,21,109,10,10,187,90,142,0.015,0.754,0.23,0.9888,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,10,0,3,3,8,1,0,9,0,13,2,0,0,0,19,25,7,0,5,4,0,0,1,0,3,1,0,0,1,10,3,0,0,5,3,0,1,2,1,0,0,1,0,14,7,17,20,5,5,0,0,0,1,25,3,0,4,2,75,24,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1189607711618963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190285759203327,0.14792475428135515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.085121901694603,0.0,0.10017983830281604,0.0,0.1138084114631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277563125604454,0.10766719294047594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169631250706697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632568675803112,0.0,0.11908292999659635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11678199253520455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08159828254954693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374271604677985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06690391225381148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059474940837236624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10987311925491863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16879532735885136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7115248795000093,0.0,0.1363741992309158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07798835322782384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12653218883697073,0.0,0.0,0.10640420474797524,0.11207981208065007,0.0,0.1413469710478561,0.08087718627934146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632568675803112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12673334518325471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14360821945993574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10984943118997802,0.0,0.0,0.1173508968924385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25943712511142325,0.0,0.14792475428135515,0.0 ptsd,persnicketyfalls,2019/05/23,"Dealing with the damage It's only now I'm realizing how much damage was done. Being in a healthy, consent-based relationship is... confusing. I get confused. I'm skeptical that I'm actually allowed to say no, and that he's not mad at me for saying no. I don't understand why I'm not being ""punished"" for saying no. He reads my face like a book. If I start flashing back or disassociating, he sees it immediately and stops what we're doing. I was surprised when they started happening, the flashbacks and the disassociation. I didn't understand what was happening to me, why I was experiencing such extreme reactions. I understand better now.",3.7932072829131656,6.513787193277312,6.2253991596638665,68.09227240896361,76.22689075630252,9.008683473389356,31.765406162464984,9.516144504307137,3.720209523809524,512,26,85,15,12,181,77,119,0.17600000000000002,0.718,0.105,-0.7559,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,1,1,6,10,3,2,5,0,11,1,1,2,0,17,24,7,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,4,0,1,4,2,0,0,7,7,0,0,6,5,11,3,7,16,1,9,0,2,1,0,9,2,0,4,8,57,17,2,0.0,0.0,0.16888537817053942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13307543801598762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15306093439793814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17842125690316193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771044315991287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09041873223986792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060796279144456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455026799892798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722186181374173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13162287622280572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17311070950043755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18580583543109971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4128820213108998,0.0,0.0,0.1379095024827829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449910043155722,0.0,0.0,0.14468914958807882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5404967948922822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3123264593758939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PaleStormCloud,2019/02/25,"Homeopathic/natural remedy? Has anyone had any luck using homeopathy to treat their symptoms? If so, which remedy did you use? I’m petrified to go back to pharmaceuticals because the side effects are absolutely awful for me. I need other alternatives besides CBD/supplements (I’ve tried pretty much everything). TIA! ",5.653131868131872,9.38939980769231,7.276373626373626,56.12576923076927,79.76923076923076,11.432967032967035,32.42857142857143,10.290406445055957,5.690518681318682,258,13,32,11,7,88,47,52,0.11,0.6659999999999999,0.22399999999999998,0.7889,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,1,1,2,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,0,3,0,6,9,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,4,2,4,7,1,3,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,1,19,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2183999507647679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2245626809471499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2469523717000327,0.0,0.19577627855367094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886380814936656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18252274423068174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23608970201715834,0.23813622076085705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3267353851376433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3338084204613435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2180466960002739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5547585982244402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WishOnTheMoonx3,2019/02/25,"Unable To Feel Safe or Let Go Over four years ago now I was taken advantage of by an older man who blackmailed me into preforming sexual acts and taking explicit photos of myself. Just recently, a couple of months ago, the guy I was dating mentally abused me. He repetitively told me how disgusting I was and if I were to cry or be hurt by his abuse he would just yell at me more saying I needed to forgive him because he forgives me for all my mistakes, and I make a lot more than him. The first abuse I suffered never leaves my head and I can never just forget about it for a day, although it doesn’t induce the same amount of anxiety it used to. Although I feel like i was able to get a grasp on the sexual abuse the new hell mental abuse I was trapped in haunts me. I have panic attack and cry myself to sleep because I just can’t forget. I’m unable to find peace with myself and when I start falling I start falling fast. The worst part of it all is that I miss him, and I know it isn’t right for me to miss him but I do. I did some reading and realized it’s normal for people in these types of situations to miss their abuser and knowing that makes me feel a bit better but still. I feel stupid and pathetic. I don’t know how to live on just knowing all these things have happened to me. I want to find peace. ",5.474835164835163,4.800650329670333,6.290417582417582,82.37958241758245,67.68131868131869,9.184761904761904,28.090109890109893,8.447377352677275,1.7490290109890112,1032,27,219,13,15,342,146,273,0.213,0.706,0.08199999999999999,-0.9856,0,1,0,0,6,0,17.0,0,0,1,3,11,18,4,1,12,0,19,2,2,6,6,59,44,20,0,6,10,0,4,1,0,1,0,2,0,2,12,12,0,1,15,1,0,4,6,12,0,2,9,6,42,6,34,32,12,31,1,5,0,0,16,8,1,5,20,160,54,2,0.09326582157825876,0.6630284857813861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16534904698292682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134809822758836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10610333633643633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11370795834409587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08248604001937171,0.10182212152745053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10319685763206556,0.2048962511562516,0.06014873922906658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886320068574168,0.06662912157090035,0.0,0.0,0.17048654253941442,0.07933186018959985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04872754236981236,0.0,0.05300511571462615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09234782659405652,0.08247465800654838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09571764012947022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09984299096912916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2050258257098397,0.0,0.0,0.0987550385298381,0.0,0.0953706215165092,0.0,0.04556496938452066,0.0,0.08235542916266415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07929126628849398,0.0,0.0,0.12451132024892242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18798002359107896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0744438889759257,0.0,0.0,0.0691554249333447,0.143864702513347,0.09007671165640213,0.0,0.0,0.09138070293777524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10942734637823452,0.0,0.10099779608128986,0.0,0.06465877742026148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09329106063413184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09208874713597856,0.0,0.0,0.0796485020320416,0.0,0.07416872473500494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483469113870336,0.09333317703919727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320280570992815,0.0,0.07448220558877057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07012429075214215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06196166763426395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08911948933700359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08055172470836464,0.0,0.0,0.055010598000970835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06625336372204736,0.0,0.0,0.060060131256324076 ptsd,AlwaysBoredAndHungry,2019/02/25,"Can you have PTSD even if the experience wasn't very violent? I don't want to go into too much detail but I was sexually abused by a family member as a child, it wasn't very violent as I didn't realise what was happening so I never fought back. I have flashbacks regularly, it has made me feel unsafe around men, it made me less trusting, I have to stop having sex as I feel like I'm going to vomit suddenly, etc. I know this isn't normal but could I have PTSD?",2.210025773195877,3.702369422680413,4.709884020618556,82.89101159793817,76.42268041237114,8.148969072164949,22.434278350515466,8.841846274778883,1.4895164948453612,362,10,77,8,8,128,64,97,0.08800000000000001,0.7440000000000001,0.168,0.8322,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,1,0,0,5,5,3,0,3,0,15,2,0,2,1,15,26,7,0,4,3,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,5,2,0,1,3,0,0,2,6,3,0,0,8,2,12,2,9,17,3,8,0,0,0,1,4,2,0,1,5,55,17,0,0.0,0.2323175989576983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17454891114998636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077008235882633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1565504626445054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21867619528926696,0.12950612664189495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19179962307111095,0.18484268545155635,0.0,0.1982834939650074,0.14007649332685776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228686364951824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.173389061862324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077580569493083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09579266512072432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710630678130904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441381735763788,0.0,0.15122563952863555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19211251962321008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4584039163219114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16392803454235008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3235659145185663,0.11565050659702583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,freaknpsykotik,2019/02/25,"Ptsd art Hello, I am finally coming together from my past. The nightmares are still full force but thanks to my psychiatrist, my mood stability is soooo much better. I have been diagnosed with Ptsd and bipolar. Though he hasn't told me which type so far. Mine stems from a heavy past of sexual assault which I've put walls around for years. I've come to ask for a huge favor from the reddit community. I am looking for an artist to help me. I'm planning on getting a tattoo but can't find the right art to use. I'm looking for a jackyl and hyde face and I'd like to sneak a survival symbol in somewhere. If anyone is able to draw, my specialty is stick figures, something like this I can pay. I don't have much right now but I promise I can. Thank you so much for your time. My writing is horrid today because I just got off duty and worked a 16 hour shift. Again, thank you so much for taking time and reading this.",2.272846299810247,4.255695784946236,3.4587792536369406,89.75228652751427,77.70967741935483,6.0969006957621765,22.769133459835547,7.048011613610866,0.6836120177103098,720,22,150,8,17,233,118,186,0.059000000000000004,0.769,0.172,0.9688,0,0,1,0,0,0,19.0,0,3,0,4,9,10,1,0,10,0,15,3,1,1,0,19,30,13,0,1,5,0,0,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,9,0,1,2,4,1,3,3,1,0,0,3,2,19,8,21,27,5,24,0,0,2,0,9,10,0,1,13,91,23,5,0.13559717213539238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09481269554835574,0.0,0.0,0.12071023147042688,0.126765051673852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08265877756628591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11992467956644175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336099144009608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13762827541937322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14854007413691075,0.12393335878185095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07084392587385205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1084494455940864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09088792621663697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353590058305126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13249185805525573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22773494714652984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987180941204195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2588856878861437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3170116758770307,0.13631261018631924,0.0,0.0,0.13563386665591284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315984882265277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10438932778827484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082880768253322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10195219816952852,0.0,0.0,0.3745189741429388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13322353315857613,0.0,0.1581356030314403,0.0,0.12853026422317232,0.1295689088645195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711242013686425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09871635626909142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08732013312727291 ptsd,kira3333,2019/02/25,"Drug coma hallucination flashbacks. My brain’s being a dick. NSFW (medical fiasco w/deets). Input is appreciated. Wft brain, you aren’t supposed to remember drug coma shit, but jesus, that shit was like a 2 month long acid nightmare, except the pain was real. Hallucinations were layered onto reality. I wasn’t being taken to my high school commons, I was going back into the OR.I wasn’t being water boarded, the dr. was just trying (and failing) to get me off the ventilator. I was wasn’t being held hostage and having my body mutilated and experimented on, I was...well yeah, guess I was lol. I’m slowly extracting the puzzle pieces and making the connections, but daaaamn, I didn’t think shit would be this intense. And to make shit worse, all my near death hospital shenanigans as a kid are haunting me in top of that. To add even more, the 90’s smooth jazz gets stuck in my head during panic attack time. Wtf 90’s?! Way to further traumatize my childhood with that horrid music. At least that’s a trigger I’ll never face again. But yeah, I got slapped with a gory memory this evening. During the epic medical fiasco, they had to keep my sternum cracked open after open heart surgery for 2 days and yes, I most definitely got sepsis. Good times. Holy fucking hell though, the memory of the smells, sounds, bodily sensations, and terrified confusion enveloped me as I was falling asleep tonight. I remember trying to move my restrained limbs and I felt my chest tubes tugging and heard my nurse freaking out, telling me not to move, then I’d feel a cool, tingling sensation and pass out for a day or 2. My dreams were like a bad batch of lsd. In one darkly amusing dream, I was a head in a jar being displayed on one of a circle of barstools bordering the windows of the space needle in seattle. I was placed on display next to the jarred head of that one shitty redneck comedian guy... eh , you know who I’m talking about. Wft is that? What chemical concoction and memories made that shit happen?! Couldn’t I have been placed with headberg or literally any other comedian ever?! Why that?? And why do I wanna vomit all of the sudden? That shit was random thus hilarious and recalling that makes me sick. I’m soooo scattered and my memory is shit. I’m scared to fall asleep because the nightmare demon pixies are waiting. I gotta take a clonidine and a clonazapam, and hope for the best. Question: anyone else have a delayed reaction and have shit come back in chunks you gotta piece together and try to make sense of? Any coma buddies out there? ",3.9532329950963714,6.277790415448855,4.890117978346363,79.84361217653058,73.86430062630481,7.62909161528378,27.42345972714473,8.499448955792047,2.1974884789046945,2015,78,357,38,43,655,272,479,0.228,0.657,0.115,-0.9974,1,0,2,0,0,0,76.0,0,3,1,3,10,25,11,3,30,5,37,34,20,7,4,70,69,27,1,4,8,0,3,2,0,3,12,2,1,2,15,29,1,5,7,4,0,7,8,18,0,3,26,8,37,7,50,33,8,52,3,1,0,2,11,25,11,9,21,215,52,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10300319830870336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295485250188249,0.07759825522572003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0861581611192593,0.0,0.11646927586728445,0.06323458185947364,0.04616663779774262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0794779786769229,0.0,0.0,0.08412320845340125,0.0,0.169087994472136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0652379857387928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09768410578883192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756543900606535,0.0,0.06326589422447698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10004295649623836,0.0685055820600018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07408221465829375,0.0,0.0,0.03829329830764585,0.0,0.07271635024637638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001470239123228,0.07913559726589149,0.0,0.04304127897924994,0.06352194063777708,0.12114251919811325,0.0,0.08342934837630613,0.07498839525154348,0.0669711728032045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.233174266096989,0.0,0.0,0.08974494923970222,0.0,0.08001694594497724,0.0,0.07522077818359113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06731570489713158,0.0,0.0,0.04162133052325951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07399944448829768,0.0,0.0,0.06702205339213088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166117795576317,0.20221166952116712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15258772552042948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0604500178994794,0.16098614460924313,0.0,0.0,0.05841059596475065,0.0,0.08054378383753172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1539576028608742,0.0,0.08058613120113181,0.08885732782439652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.158251459478818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08483921836292058,0.0,0.0,0.0862016749870984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1715833243637797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582277236245162,0.07664667581889836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6219174779611234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056942412459485274,0.060871981125277023,0.06619470260691304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048527178127698994,0.07440810017466483,0.0,0.08832200672488302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15425489101550374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060113986485548374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667599784016093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07717923949132352,0.05379913755168887,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Codeegirl,2019/02/25,"Going to Vegas... Loud, flashing lights, lots of people... Advice? I have C-PTSD. Also introverted. My fiancee is an amazing rock and he'll be there. I'm worried about getting overwhelmed by the sights and sounds. Vegas is a bit chaotic. We plan to do chill things like see the mob museum. I tend to get super anxious with the sights and sounds inside casinos... So much going on. I was hoping to spend time by the pool with a book but it's closed for the season. DAMMIT! Is there anyone who is chaos sensitive that has tips or tricks? ",0.9347896440129446,3.5239446796116525,2.0957669902912635,92.2672750809062,92.49514563106796,3.911715210355987,17.546278317152105,5.6839178017228535,-0.2862137216828477,414,11,79,3,15,131,80,103,0.115,0.794,0.091,-0.5502,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,1,0,0,2,5,6,1,1,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,11,18,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,3,0,0,4,7,0,0,0,5,2,2,0,2,0,0,1,7,5,4,12,15,3,6,0,1,3,0,5,2,0,3,3,49,9,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2638310511025481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21591086277690785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30501179011118795,0.0,0.1887832482640144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29475909493900904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2821172073822087,0.0,0.3068830171834241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26816093656271506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13190345020540695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22953579769464505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984736762159147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18717703408999387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3156037994888683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215147031749454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17936932366768205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15743330908273998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2741878964286543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,suicidal_thottie,2019/02/25,"Please help me. (long) Okay let me clear this up right out the bat. I have not been diagnosed with PTSD officially. I am still a minor, and I live at home with my parents. They refuse to believe that mental disorders exist and will not permit me to get any kind of mental help because they can't come to terms that their child might not be ""normal."" When I was very young, I was the victim of voilent sexual assault. It scarred me very bad mentally, and I continue to be abused and harassed by the same person. I have told my parents, but they don't believe me. It really hurts to know that they're not on my side, and it also hurts to know that nobody is here to protect me from him. My abuser is a part of my family, so I can't get away from him either. Many things have come out of these assaults. I lost my sense of freedom and my feeling of being in control of myself, and my body no longer feels like a home. I was diagnosed by my regular care doctor with anorexia nervosa, because I gave up on caring enough to maintain a proper body weight. I started to treat my body like it was a game, and that it no longer belonged to me. I also have quite frequent panic attacks. These panic attacks effect my everyday life, and they stop me from being able to function normally. I often do not complete in-class assignments because of a very bad panic attack, which makes me unable to focus or move. They are often a result of someone commenting something about sex or rape (which is very commonplace, because I'm in high school). I have very graphic flashbacks, because the biggest assualt is always in my mind. I feel like I can't talk or breathe because of certain things that my abuser did during the numerous times when I was being assaulted. Sometimes, though rare, there has been occasions in the past where I have passed out because of such a bad panic attack. I hate having panic attacks and I'm so fustrated with myself and my inability to stay calm. I'm about ready to give up because I don't know what to do. I also feel like even if I was allowed to seek professional help, they couldn't help me. I am deathly scared of any kind of pill or medication. It gets so bad to the point that if I am forced to take a pill, in my state of fleeting panic, I will force myself to vomit to get it out of my system. I just really don't know what to do, or how to get my parents to believe or understand me. This might be ranting/venting now that I think about it, but if you guys have any thoughts for me, please help. Also I know I'm just a stupid kid, but I don't know if I'll grow out of this. Even if I do, I just want to be a normal kid again, a happy kid that didn't lose their sense of self or even innocence so long ago. Again, also I am deeply sorry if this triggers anything for anybody. I think I know how it feels, and I would never wish anything like what happened to me on anybody else, not even my worst enemy.",5.479758723828514,5.2561657694915285,6.1176470588235325,82.10956131605188,67.57627118644068,8.771684945164507,30.234297108673978,8.219915518859313,2.0109710867397808,2284,76,464,27,34,747,248,590,0.222,0.653,0.125,-0.9977,4,0,1,0,3,0,67.0,0,1,8,5,34,43,13,7,19,1,53,15,4,9,3,92,93,42,1,13,26,3,6,5,0,5,8,0,2,7,31,23,1,4,17,1,0,5,18,29,0,0,14,6,81,14,74,65,6,51,0,4,0,2,33,24,0,17,24,331,112,4,0.051896995136859636,0.18446835893319974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04600355490331992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2075100413053937,0.0431824573354676,0.0,0.0,0.10587520895057273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541361017414757,0.0,0.0,0.2952016203082604,0.04875893527569301,0.0,0.17332729280137102,0.2530874123594872,0.0,0.0,0.1754104255770833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729375867709124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10582489059088727,0.0,0.0,0.08940933207282166,0.05441301201934565,0.0,0.058206892937054514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10534871528149398,0.0,0.0,0.059478452571643935,0.05311877358655066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043353280159879916,0.0,0.0,0.05362346891763016,0.0,0.1371099033427108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048923868300743655,0.0,0.13120340035713382,0.1112256710858474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355701899476307,0.04978432664071181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05138618441944341,0.04589234140706653,0.05524531634389042,0.0,0.05123753842955975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392730949264856,0.05483202470484397,0.1041138350892221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11111361330638388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808546862052708,0.19964861912480525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05306819365643512,0.03665638244164703,0.12677125202695155,0.0,0.04582599750287393,0.09185441518584657,0.0,0.058059462820900284,0.05665170070600078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034641647240625434,0.05261540751329782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05228076275958722,0.15689989438328905,0.11010902125214336,0.05240117091791605,0.0,0.0,0.05515829274727335,0.0,0.0,0.04002616199781253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1525441093761845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3653396517650695,0.17287641451253566,0.05619938840796195,0.049541554125533925,0.0,0.045314454393087365,0.0,0.11393463257024462,0.04905943499558808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06066481012189135,0.0,0.0,0.05519884245545005,0.0,0.0,0.06649308796636201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04431975028651424,0.0,0.0,0.05195794563599787,0.052522529726839816,0.0,0.0,0.05413988424182264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04397215556734648,0.039952842314136434,0.051327455193083765,0.05809443718614238,0.036732960270237314,0.0553152917009701,0.04144500735437764,0.043388211728029535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03902008168218397,0.0417128388677711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06895611510136969,0.06650699794976064,0.05098853422652816,0.041200417188056594,0.030261555208882438,0.0,0.0,0.04958980285013685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05402660218330537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2141022804046089,0.030610192336499274,0.0,0.0,0.06319655894480393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05967898321258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036866136347692896,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Passlock1,2019/02/25,anyone else feel like they can’t love normally bc of trauma? I have a gf of a month and a half and I like her a lot but it’s getting slightly more serious and i’m scared it’s just going to get to the point my relationships normally do where she falls in love and I just can’t let myself believe her or feel that way back because I’m so terrified of hurting or being hurt by others because of my csa and ptsd from that. i feel like i should warn her or something i don’t know i just feel like a bad person for not ever falling in love the way everyone else describes it even with my (now ex) girlfriend of two years. does anyone relate? ,2.8342222222222238,3.8718804592592586,4.3594444444444465,87.85250000000002,74.03703703703705,7.177777777777778,25.35185185185185,7.554174236665415,1.1391629629629625,502,16,109,6,10,168,82,135,0.191,0.643,0.166,-0.6990000000000001,0,0,1,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,0,9,13,0,1,7,0,8,3,0,0,1,24,21,10,0,3,8,1,4,4,2,1,0,0,0,1,6,6,0,0,5,0,0,3,4,6,0,2,0,4,16,7,13,18,2,14,0,2,0,3,13,4,0,4,9,73,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18888602161755488,0.13839360343349885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10385931184713806,0.112776525962951,0.16467296447977536,0.0,0.0,0.15217590639873918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181993234093566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22566474080375706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0892114468771338,0.12217715886800636,0.0,0.12906370596891575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731786958216282,0.2894788138723066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14113539581053433,0.0,0.07676252097419027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891871693916073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0742300956903649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13811665602047704,0.0,0.26395051654249746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148303783414079,0.3657136876458304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10781035965813277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26467683472905323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11793657328313276,0.0,0.0,0.12768335684670387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15788780689234544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450129828070766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1352270957514975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10398230274553168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194226350621627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21442212024711133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697966268195544 ptsd,cherrygrl7,2019/08/18,"Missing the self medicating (trigger possibly) The other night I got high (just weed) with my friend and it was the first time in a long time that I hadn’t thought about my trauma, been anxious walking home in the dark or thought about self harm in a long time. I just got home, laid in bed and listened to queen (an on and off trigger of mine). I hadn’t smoked in almost a year before this so it had a big effect on me. It’s been 3 days now and the numbness is creeping back on me and I don’t know how to handle it. I haven’t been able to get out of bed most of the day and my mum’s been concerned. I’ve never been able to talk to her about my mental health or trauma in full detail without feeling awkward or her getting frustrated/dismissing me. The anxiety and images and trouble sleeping are coming back and I don’t know how to stop them. I miss not thinking about it or being numb to it. Now I have to sit with my thoughts and my past and live with them and after my experience the other night, I really don’t want to anymore but I know I have to. That’s what this illness entails. It’s irritating me knowing I won’t feel like that again in possibly a long time. The experience the other night was so short term but so refreshing. I miss self medicating like I used to but I know it’s just so self destructive in the long run and all I’m doing is avoiding my emotions and thoughts.",1.908349747138672,3.7343107439446404,3.4031314878892718,90.46153513441575,78.23875432525952,6.245461804631352,24.264173542720258,7.1686216300943375,0.8776791589033808,1091,38,237,13,26,359,133,289,0.13699999999999998,0.823,0.04,-0.9686,0,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,2,3,18,15,1,2,17,0,22,7,1,6,2,56,46,27,0,1,12,1,2,2,1,1,6,1,4,4,17,19,0,2,13,0,0,3,10,12,0,1,16,3,33,3,36,28,4,46,0,3,0,0,12,17,0,6,27,166,50,0,0.18969563629093847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09497638913374228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255832127138939,0.1071510371462996,0.09406354923129284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14586423509490168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070850736989621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08170299693255048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12233799227921345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669102924634392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1855587320312972,0.0,0.0,0.09591581342482827,0.0677593002346134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08067750566150579,0.0,0.0,0.07327918901900386,0.0,0.09910814056335894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15171692936802858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10081879540470223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10021192737725856,0.19028019003659527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606294018400719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09267570599505304,0.0,0.08375236111503175,0.335749337487858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19109839657001032,0.09558429224572404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07315248453630105,0.0,0.0,0.26702475648634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0905429746741769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21385332762493345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060761941021175485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39578783946494817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09491631610540888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0792970229737714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623508345383212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06077465208057615,0.0,0.301194292013626,0.22122610202628715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08191806180608259,0.0,0.0,0.055943700564429315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142991203994884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061078885177812785 ptsd,OfficeGirl29,2019/08/18,"Watched my father suddenly die in front of me - 8 years later and I’ve just “coped” and done nothing or told anyone about it. I was at home with my dad one Saturday afternoon, he just finished mowing the lawn and then sat down with me in the lounge and watched tv. Suddenly he passed out mid sentence, I rang to the phone to call an ambulance, my mother was panicked and ran around the house not knowing what to do. I remember standing by the phone and looking at him through the mirror as the operator spoke to me. It didn’t feel real. She told me to go find someone, a neighbor or passer by to help while she gave me instructions. I found a man in the street walking his dog and I ran over and begged him for help. When he came in he helped lift my father on to the floor and followed the instructions I was giving him. I remember when he laid him down he hit my dads head on the floor and looked worried, it’s weird the small things you remember... Anyway the ambulance arrived and there was nothing more they could do to help him. I remember everything so vividly. To this day I still have dreams about him, not bad ones, just ones he appears in as if he never died. I’ve kept this from most people I became friends with after that, I’ve also kept it from my boss, colleagues and also most details from my boyfriend. He knows my dad died but he doesn’t know all the above. I struggle with anxiety and depression, in work sometimes I shake so hard during meetings I feel that I’m going to have a seizure or a heart attack. I’ve developed symptoms of OCD (I say symptoms as I’m not a doctor so I don’t want to diagnose myself), to the point where I have to take photos on my phone of my door being locked, the oven hobs being off etc so I can view it whenever I feel paranoid at work. On top of that I’ve got this awful compulsive skin picking problem, my back and scalp look like chickenpox and I do it as a stress reliever. I don’t know what I’m hoping to achieve by posting this, I think if anything there is a weird comfort to putting it out there as I’ve kept it to myself for so long.",4.602339593114241,4.973794429577462,5.188685446009392,85.96421752738655,69.49295774647887,8.376838810641628,29.62754303599374,8.285830014693849,1.8950632237871683,1641,59,347,22,27,528,213,426,0.096,0.82,0.083,-0.8658,1,0,0,0,0,0,37.0,0,1,1,4,22,14,1,3,24,1,20,8,4,2,2,64,56,37,3,6,12,6,5,1,2,0,4,3,5,1,18,23,0,3,14,2,0,12,8,9,0,3,19,15,50,5,61,33,5,59,0,1,7,0,45,28,0,9,18,227,68,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15006541371470314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177671789988486,0.0,0.0,0.06560539819253314,0.0,0.0772108946332027,0.08352513084591377,0.0,0.10674074613963838,0.0,0.07214648761600796,0.07834088334551825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09580694944979462,0.1073120751211851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07491251472279191,0.0,0.0,0.060510079384415535,0.0,0.08081229169239884,0.09523152737319457,0.2921300691352673,0.0,0.0,0.09603500009129652,0.0,0.09601668701305788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10464091528321197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432485838721056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14232390224234429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575536540963169,0.0,0.0,0.10287548756009593,0.07248982040910805,0.0,0.0,0.09000655494607322,0.1066470819099805,0.0,0.07504131193412616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404976589338377,0.0,0.0962926584490114,0.0,0.0,0.11118439297758473,0.2515586570279489,0.0,0.09411523918193633,0.0931904985461205,0.0,0.10826273445488496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20625750678349292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04583869836582435,0.0,0.0,0.08303315546607656,0.2363709069259135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07236448079605946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800573675112942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19073700262117568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0650472113754394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08869600192488555,0.0,0.08985947815280823,0.0,0.0,0.08977891648156901,0.0,0.09432115623562302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10679465516764257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4251467726280297,0.0,0.0,0.07461428916181223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949855914960029,0.0,0.09279642264560617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07492965323410998,0.0,0.10747749284305473,0.09808742277425853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19504250886228933,0.07054555847011736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0623338988546621,0.06011998322749557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930973927628732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0553410710629549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1366130521591741,0.09528496988047526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06042093910427896 ptsd,Rowan0301,2019/08/18,"Oh no... I’m at my grandson’s birthday party and there’s freakin’ balloons... shit. I mean, I should’ve known. He’s 4. But ffs... Wish me luck, everyone.",-2.4757258064516137,-2.1928984516129013,0.005120967741936155,101.92768145161293,130.29032258064515,2.8403225806451613,20.00403225806452,5.148860815047168,-0.2535516129032258,112,5,26,1,8,37,27,31,0.113,0.625,0.263,0.5859,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,6,3,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,1,3,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,1,0,9,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4516693365219431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5148908987032289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4852028156641946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5435626923823474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,prismaticempress,2019/08/18,"Should I change therapists? Or get a different mental health professional? need advice for therapy I’ve been seeing an LMFT for about a month because she is trauma certified and specializes in working with trauma. However I noticed the last two or three appointments she hasn’t been taking any notes, does not give constructive feedback and is very dismissive. What I mean is she doesn’t really give anything for me to work with or build on, when I mention a traumatic moment in my life she just says “how awful that ___ happened to you” and forgets what I talked about in the last appointment because she doesn’t write anything down. I told her I used to smoke weed for anxiety and sleep because my doctor doesn’t want me on anxiety meds. She immediately got judgmental and said “why would you smoke weed that’s awful it’s just a temporary fix” “weed does and never will do anything don’t ever smoke again” and would not let me explain that I don’t anymore. I know weed isn’t the greatest choice and isn’t recommended by mental health professionals but I thought she would be somewhat understanding. I also told her about how abusive my parents are and how I’m considering moving soon, and after everything I told her she said “why would you move is everything fine at home?” But I tell her every week how it’s not fine at home. Also, whenever I mention how dangerous my ex is/was, she dismisses it saying that “he can’t really do anything with his mental state” but she hasn’t met him or believes me when I tell her everything he was officially diagnosed with. She says he has a different diagnosis but has never met him. I’ve been thinking of just switching to a different mental health professional, but don’t know how to move forward. I’m just starting to stand up for myself and learning how to put myself first in terms of needs(not in a selfish way, but in a healthy way). What are some questions I can ask at tomorrow’s appointment to determine if I need to get a different therapist or just a psychologist?",7.231138153185397,7.460820036745414,7.485875685993798,72.23814781675019,63.85564304461943,11.231734669529946,35.690885230255304,10.927859429317179,4.022594750656169,1618,70,287,41,22,527,175,381,0.078,0.8859999999999999,0.036000000000000004,-0.9414,6,0,3,0,0,0,25.0,0,3,0,3,22,7,1,0,14,2,34,7,1,8,3,67,64,34,0,9,20,2,0,0,0,6,6,5,2,0,10,15,0,0,9,0,0,5,16,4,0,3,13,6,49,3,38,43,4,39,0,0,1,0,48,14,0,9,18,198,59,8,0.0,0.08914310405056261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07352036431530322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12033341204269185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05116348853774806,0.0,0.1151116324050443,0.0,0.07461452051327919,0.0,0.0,0.2476533444473948,0.0,0.07033609307664868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375906544209659,0.0,0.0,0.08476591817263246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0795903787736392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636359597581759,0.0,0.3144250612048137,0.0,0.07700787910048372,0.13168016426890894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0680558394312015,0.06339010590715367,0.0,0.2028534959236044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06399623924819962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861606804687295,0.1443476627260693,0.0,0.0,0.06017360620056472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0665315036491789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2399190591676824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509369491028407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269616874499236,0.12265579069109678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07693455185890309,0.05314185695059368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08195474670620959,0.08357093531338455,0.0,0.30328330975387857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06005316045890871,0.2398938935788939,0.0,0.11157401600739043,0.11605425486571665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565740219421263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08354137422754296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07563359388874485,0.08428224458144852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0963970237525949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313452874798901,0.1794935644341852,0.0,0.0,0.05995385338258692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07529096523540336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325287412527014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056568582626942136,0.0604723534746779,0.13152026203839806,0.0,0.08603964361773175,0.17471105314474564,0.0,0.04820859473634417,0.0,0.0597294803980692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21567547317020846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07349525543534073,0.07832398544297936,0.0,0.06498029207901293,0.0,0.06207809936602352,0.04437651382991501,0.11943867021658555,0.06035028657561675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577871296622615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954632575853136,0.0,0.0,0.2137837739148327,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CocoGrasshopper,2019/08/18,"Am I too broken to date? There isn’t anyone in particular I’m interested in, that’s not really the issue. I had an abusive ex and one of the last things they told me before finally leaving is that I was far too broken to be in a relationship and that they had gone out of their way and took pity on me and that I should be grateful. Largely they’ve proven to be right. I’m terrified of intimacy and terrified of being touched. I’m terrified of closeness. I badly want those things but I feel physical panic. I was always mocked for this in my previous relationship, which only made it worse. So I don’t know if that means there’s no hope for me to ever have a meaningful relationship",2.4446488294314364,4.5905315362318895,4.62536231884058,80.80821070234116,77.84057971014494,8.304124860646603,24.3835005574136,9.057496981413335,2.089529988851728,544,19,108,14,13,188,86,138,0.21899999999999997,0.701,0.08,-0.9607,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,3,0,6,6,1,1,5,0,14,0,0,1,1,19,26,8,0,4,3,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,11,7,0,0,4,0,0,2,4,4,0,1,8,2,15,2,17,13,0,16,0,1,0,0,8,9,0,2,4,78,26,0,0.0,0.2082090199261904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1462198260745315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12287314784730867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467255928171198,0.0,0.0,0.14953163901503502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15895609401471386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08885338891934781,0.0,0.0,0.1925015039928516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745376176548398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18341444266069706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657554798787067,0.1432418258263693,0.0,0.18607064606738813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1662781425660239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19141937754736946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11907788367376365,0.13364911086580025,0.0,0.2061790197356459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11257589722220812,0.0,0.0,0.5659985272698596,0.0,0.1500708060270143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334918339308184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16791569529003506,0.1952403443702473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1036489647816939,0.1394847573008974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908190952704697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,craziefuzi,2019/08/18,"a rambling of feelings i cannot concisely express i feel a distinct sense of being trapped in my own mind. stuck between visions of the past, haunting me, and fears for the future, terrifying me. i stare at my hands and test them, squeezing the fingers and watching in awe as my body obeys me. i am here, alive, conscious, but trapped behind a glass wall. i watch my actions, guide my body, i see the proof. but this is not me. i am stuck behind an endless fog of thoughts. i cannot focus, cannot think of my own volition. i follow a blind conductor who fills my mind with such unpleasant feelings and an endless cacophony. i remember feeling the blankets of my bed, the carpet under my feet, the taste of water on a hot day. i can still feel, but it is muted, diluted by the fog that persists over my mind. i'm so weak, unable to wrestle control over my own thoughts, unable to stop the return to the past, or the premonitions of the future. i see myself there, in those times unreachable. my actions uncontrollable. my fear, palpable. i watch the horrors of my past in more clarity than the mundane of my daily routine. in irony, i feel in my own mind more clearly than the reality laid out before me. so unexplainable, this confusion and pain. when i simplify, its a lie. but i cannot correct myself, because i do not know the truth. why? why cant i think, feel, exist in my own reality? i had ambition, comfort, hobbies. now i exist as but a shell of myself. i'm trapped behind this endless fog, no control over my own mind. i feel hopeless, empty, and longing for purpose.",3.179070419103315,5.264856904605266,4.560321637426902,82.42132553606237,75.34868421052632,7.003703703703704,30.338206627680307,7.921354282810032,2.2389626218323597,1225,58,228,19,27,406,152,304,0.21600000000000005,0.7340000000000001,0.05,-0.9947,0,3,0,0,0,1,56.0,0,0,1,3,8,9,0,4,25,0,13,10,5,3,5,46,33,17,0,0,8,0,12,0,0,0,3,0,2,0,8,8,2,3,15,0,0,4,8,7,0,0,5,20,48,2,40,27,8,32,0,1,7,0,3,15,0,2,13,165,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06742773101380667,0.0,0.09412222181196657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2457288354618572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2481203586393715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133525337398143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489373316666705,0.4474278987751028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060789176185065574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788767828222826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5584303106221716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11769841247436345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167735183135172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253012434254134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1762860558866391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08833447010906495,0.0924761493997076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14175073905050814,0.0,0.17562631800063974,0.06449844298967156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19961931078421766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LesBeTogether,2019/08/18,"Podcast about life after S Assault There’s this BBC podcast called After: Surviving sexual assault and it’s full of wonderful people telling their stories. There’s two episodes per interviewee a Then and a Now. If you struggle hearing the ins and outs of abuse there is no shame or harm in skipping to the Now episode. There you’ll hear all about accomplishments, coping strategies and life updates from folk who are learning to heal. I showed the podcast to my partner and she loves it. She really likes hearing tips on how to stay grounded when your triggered. Anyway it’s just a good resource! You can find it on apple podcasts or at this link https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p07fzbg8/episodes/downloads",5.5950533333333325,8.594286952000004,4.331700000000001,82.55968333333334,71.48,6.406666666666666,34.416666666666664,7.492282038375204,2.656346666666666,579,30,92,7,12,168,89,125,0.168,0.7190000000000001,0.113,-0.8224,1,0,0,0,1,0,19.0,0,4,1,2,12,8,2,2,6,0,4,4,0,2,1,17,9,11,0,1,4,0,0,1,1,1,3,3,0,1,7,6,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,3,9,3,17,8,2,16,0,0,0,1,15,8,0,4,8,65,16,2,0.0,0.23946540487364265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20637527337363085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472341600796355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16951893686963915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6833725664416312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28551027981240235,0.0987399553024667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1824107217502417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1401165166711968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12947581625851853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542066291715373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21128758201575226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665164980259512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19743053920506348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191779383264958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mewmai,2019/08/18,"Brother former marine, drank too much is experiencing episode. What to do? My brother is a former marine and he drank too much. He’s trying to pick a fight after saying, “ he’s in the breach we have to get him out”. We don’t know how to calm him down. We are at a lost at what to do. How do we tell him he needs help.",-0.11881987577639565,1.6492435362318858,2.277474120082818,96.2908695652174,84.65217391304348,4.522567287784679,15.65424430641822,5.288315135182226,-0.9906538302277428,240,4,59,1,7,82,41,69,0.071,0.856,0.073,0.0258,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,4,0,0,1,4,3,1,0,4,0,8,2,0,3,0,11,14,3,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,3,2,8,1,11,11,2,8,0,1,0,0,17,5,0,0,3,40,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20058117536175504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573319708338498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2109911515149145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4190915686642288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5644474312383562,0.2846701422061749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30530679896645585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3355610296844045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606549468185201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AyFoatay,2019/08/18,"I don't know if this podcast episode will benefit anyone but it really helped me put somethings in perspective so I thought I'd share Episode 167: Posttraumatic Growth with Dr. Laura Copley by The Hardcore Self Help Podcast with Duff the Psych https://player.fm/1wuxVR",13.369999999999996,12.283460777777787,9.967222222222222,63.67750000000001,52.33333333333334,13.444444444444445,46.944444444444436,12.161744961471696,5.8094444444444475,225,11,33,5,2,64,39,45,0.0,0.753,0.247,0.9031,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,6,4,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,2,4,2,0,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,0,16,5,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27813054834588125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5332346815044564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21860439477020185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.39986945628229015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25482211999526083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4149616298698143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3062233471086492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3157855342155552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MonsoonQueen,2019/08/18,"Not sure where to start, but I will nonetheless I've been in talk therapy now for 4 months. It is helping. I have a lot of chronic health issues. We spend so much time talking about those that it's hard to talk about past trauma. One in particular is terrifying and caused by(we think) a DV incident with an ex of mine. I feel so unprepared to deal with it. I have to take medication everyday for it, and carry an emergency injection in case I go into what they call ""adrenal crisis."" I'm so afraid. I don't think the fear ever goes away. I'm not sure if it will. I'm terrified of dying. I'm terrified of dying alone. I'm terrified of being away from my support system. The other day, I finally sat down and typed out a list of all of my traumas. Not the medical related ones, but all the other stuff. And I sent it to my therapist. I've never ever shared it with any kind of therapist before in its entirety. It is so so so scary to put it all out into the open. I hope someday this all leads to some kind of healing.",1.3334285714285734,3.415906057142859,3.70619047619048,86.30214285714287,81.28571428571428,7.6190476190476195,22.857142857142854,8.563005593585519,1.5992857142857146,792,27,168,19,21,274,121,210,0.214,0.728,0.057999999999999996,-0.9903,0,1,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,0,1,1,12,11,0,2,10,0,10,5,0,2,9,36,25,13,2,2,6,1,2,0,0,2,5,0,0,0,17,13,0,0,3,0,1,4,5,4,0,2,3,2,15,7,35,19,7,29,0,0,0,0,11,13,0,4,11,117,32,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13280831224872802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08720125969512464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409538901265411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10911486414142492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13093786144624822,0.0,0.0,0.1317282312439082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08269818041425038,0.13220020060759569,0.0,0.0,0.2661664018903697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2319839830167731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14429516537976658,0.06483728476663722,0.0,0.0,0.14047044219911206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07287645058615133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1148695023100026,0.0,0.0,0.13630321662458894,0.0,0.0,0.0859503218939001,0.0,0.0,0.12736199886139762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13383951466274538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670650413407333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1090171386606802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2583578393268411,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10235250547520193,0.0,0.09426430429518184,0.0,0.09889940567483996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378485496309834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241069377301253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12890725106639342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09076233538460464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14679344980947004,0.0,0.14551465619142193,0.24171179691996586,0.0,0.09641351294092612,0.3092008901521746,0.0,0.0,0.14664295812531067,0.2977714059830654,0.0,0.1643300841786578,0.0,0.0,0.07477234077847365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,queerthequeen,2019/08/18,"anyone have any experience with scratching? TRIGGER WARNING: SELF HARM TW: self harm/assault I am new to Reddit and this is my first correspondence here, and I am really in need of help. I have suffered from PTSD since I was sexually assaulted by a friend when I was 14. I self harmed for a year, mostly through burning and cutting. Not with the goal of dying, but just the pain. I stopped after a year, and recently my depression has been through the roof. I let my illness go untreated for years and as of a few weeks ago, I am getting treatment through different types of cognitive therapy. I have somewhat typical things associated with general PTSD, nightmares and cognitive distortions and such. A few nights ago I had a really bad night. And for the first time in four years, I self harmed. But I didn’t use the any of the forms of harm that I used to, I scratched myself with for a good hour until I bled and my fingers hurt. And since then, I have almost been unable to stop scratching myself with my fingers, pens, sharp edges. I’ve never done anything like that before. Again, like I’m sure a lot of other sufferers of PTSD can attest to, I did it for the pain. I think about death, but I think it’s just the pain of this. From what I can find, I haven’t seen or read much about scratching. Has anyone who has suffered from self harm experienced this, and any tips on how to stop? I feel like I’m going insane. If anyone has any advice, please let me know.",3.4671445221445225,5.359104846153848,4.199458041958041,86.17944347319349,73.96503496503495,7.424009324009327,25.90268065268065,8.212053250817874,1.5872219114219115,1150,40,230,19,24,367,150,286,0.282,0.675,0.043,-0.9976,1,0,0,0,0,1,39.0,0,0,0,3,9,22,2,0,16,0,25,6,2,4,2,44,38,21,2,2,8,0,8,3,1,0,4,0,0,5,11,16,0,3,5,1,0,2,4,16,0,3,9,10,31,6,39,27,7,29,0,5,1,0,8,3,0,6,27,158,42,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08713697487744135,0.15808961423425485,0.0,0.08929198409374027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24255764545650016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18705153649487533,0.0,0.0733802241542183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07445415064341862,0.0,0.0,0.07587804529138488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07680294480429754,0.0,0.0925455319795199,0.09316482893617453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09125300320680084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08722645438573934,0.0,0.0,0.045087591583460235,0.06370385749485773,0.0,0.0,0.08150077739780036,0.15169779811497386,0.0,0.0,0.06889337697470392,0.0,0.0465882236177772,0.0,0.10135599144556934,0.07479249483957474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05976951416098144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0878155793969156,0.0,0.0954595155781794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04900610902504157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1823669992652919,0.0,0.13069349773763658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07581008737829563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0655510246651652,0.06611924682606304,0.06877425584620772,0.08612201193225624,0.0,0.16736208880460496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28465303837478284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09788309919094801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3127087607659645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919523913964396,0.0,0.11425059050260415,0.0,0.0880457116365836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4651245665940527,0.0,0.0,0.14752652429632945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2236531177475381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08404271415479987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10197493353309943,0.0,0.059241321993366784,0.11427449108935354,0.0,0.0,0.051996390269783074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15403041405329845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07152768425674544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2296930802909649 ptsd,aashley468,2019/08/18,When to talk about trauma So I am about to start college and freshman orientation week starts tomorrow. I will be in a group with the same people all week and we are supposed to become friends and be close. I’m very open about my experiences but when is too soon to soon to tell my story. Like I don’t want to freak them out or look down on me. Should I be honest and straightforward or just wait it out and see what happens?,2.1978448275862057,4.186916643678161,3.0282614942528774,92.72101293103451,77.9655172413793,6.189080459770117,21.219827586206893,7.1686216300943375,0.3932999999999995,336,9,74,4,8,106,64,87,0.063,0.8140000000000001,0.12300000000000001,0.6652,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,1,0,10,5,0,0,2,0,9,0,0,0,1,20,17,11,0,2,4,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,0,0,2,11,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,9,3,15,12,2,16,0,0,2,0,6,7,0,2,10,54,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31074943284623624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752324104816994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21738462653908144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2488132598145648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1374624501627309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2362786987966178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19506550950817247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2242142876737767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3983081842091113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22615336451784715,0.24592849503292002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321585026515992,0.16595844764683204,0.0,0.4513937220719254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hgonzalez00,2019/08/18,"Can't keep a job and tired of this viscous cycle I have no idea where my life is going. For the past 4-5 years I haven't been able to keep a job. I feel like everything is going well and then they tell me that it's not working out. I start to wonder if I've done something at these jobs that I can't remember. Then after I'm let go I start to deal with all the emotions of not being good enough, being used, not wanting to live anymore and disappointing my family once again. I've struggled with depression and I think PTSD for most of my adult adult life. I'm easily frustrated and have no patience, I feel like I'm always ignored and I've gotten where I hate to hear people talk when I'm trying to focus. I don't know what to do, I feel like I'm going down the rabbit hole and there is no end. Please .. I need some advise. Thanks!",1.7556928838951331,3.2433176404494404,3.423393258426966,91.65437827715358,77.65168539325842,6.319700374531838,19.731835205992514,7.0316486544052195,0.18966846441947602,652,14,147,7,15,217,104,178,0.171,0.7340000000000001,0.095,-0.9287,3,0,1,0,0,1,17.0,0,0,1,1,6,12,2,1,5,0,15,3,0,1,1,31,41,11,0,3,4,0,3,3,0,0,3,1,0,2,6,10,0,3,8,0,0,4,10,6,1,0,3,4,17,6,18,35,4,19,0,2,0,0,8,5,0,4,13,87,23,5,0.1249863684999162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399867104115457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395289271284073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288554577903896,0.10765057604465801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12790444931569162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14059284185712045,0.11070082457132067,0.12914432962270894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11232968884016024,0.0,0.11782602471978365,0.0,0.18959059000121214,0.26787085988939224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28413053412197903,0.10483263595964107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339816288587313,0.0,0.0,0.14086872103198014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410943966433441,0.0,0.0,0.37208905506938494,0.22218725419893207,0.0,0.0,0.06868923945163419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12780702987671042,0.17656313671507834,0.18318607903118486,0.0,0.11036525324184747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0926758085461631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13310640333861962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193136312355524,0.08664981066640534,0.0,0.0,0.13719749991086716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461023763105482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14158519087400004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622061275272263,0.0,0.0,0.17693198985109782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13066288980613114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045930860073962,0.10924359506611668,0.11507065566652787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0800862182063799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436534443530934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08485753989074132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10794809263815454,0.0,0.0,0.07372019842639617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1123777555408525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13554238507663374,0.0909915648484034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08048712347488875 ptsd,TankBud,2019/08/18,"Just want to celebrate Ever since my trauma I haven’t been able to handle the sound of gun shots or sounds similar to them. It’s been years since I’ve been to the movie theaters because of it. Thanks to CBD oil this year and many other years with my psychiatrist, I was finally able to go to the movie theater for the first time in seven years. I told some of my friends about this and I would be lying if I said I was disappointed by their reactions. They are all aware of my PTSD, but when I told them of this big milestone for me they all (except one) kind of blew it off as “oh okay cool”. So I just wanted to post on here because I haven’t felt this elated in a long time.",3.97212832550861,4.1870538028169015,4.690093896713616,89.5388654147105,70.83098591549296,8.001251956181534,24.22848200312989,7.793537801064563,0.8672697965571197,528,12,122,6,9,170,90,142,0.054000000000000006,0.809,0.13699999999999998,0.9178,0,0,0,1,0,0,10.0,0,0,5,1,7,7,0,0,5,2,10,0,0,0,3,17,18,8,0,4,6,0,1,0,1,1,0,3,0,0,8,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,3,9,6,19,5,25,7,3,18,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,3,11,84,27,0,0.34430885674505235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20988748331251567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15572353648997864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652952486571335,0.18858676144012296,0.0,0.14643446882854028,0.0,0.0,0.13300608431308994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09783932894446533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17927234531279854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15235125172575628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17453756966375716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665629605684892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487635450150698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20123931417070492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375828434969206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848158442890589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15849666796852474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20076926322651992,0.0,0.0,0.3290018676517991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2030822844431062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12229356656399135,0.0,0.0,0.4434472302690416 ptsd,thesisterskaramazov,2019/08/18,"How I can describe ptsd It comes in waves. I can feel myself fighting the memory and then before I know it, I dissociate and get locked in that mental space of that memory and then I start crying and have to use soothing tools I learned in therapy. I've done one round of EMDR and I thought I was getting somewhat better because I haven't had an ""episode"" as I just described in a few weeks. I no longer cry myself to sleep in fetal position. Not sure what to think now. Maybe some more EMDR is needed. It does feel like my brain has a harder time going down that memory lane though.. so that's why I thought maybe the EMDR did something Anyone relate or any tips ?",3.1367327409432697,4.873647075187972,4.119439507860562,87.06347915242651,74.48872180451126,6.6408749145591255,23.369104579630896,7.348242739294969,0.9253218045112784,523,15,104,6,11,169,92,133,0.1,0.8420000000000001,0.057999999999999996,-0.6657,0,0,1,0,2,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,5,4,1,0,5,0,10,2,2,2,1,22,23,12,0,1,3,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,6,0,0,7,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,6,3,15,3,12,17,4,15,0,0,1,0,1,7,0,3,7,70,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1181903025647097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12152535343047162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594717405487622,0.0,0.14789142785632522,0.0,0.0,0.15371242200275825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19401884169487094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14971374481152652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3818233851099691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15209399223462372,0.17785825779520803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1757575138440698,0.12416311475461865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18160717993364356,0.0,0.09877483163354926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09551621169949967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491014723135387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3492119332027005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1751500296749272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12887087146671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177717194743756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2031634884428216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17392602060346204,0.0,0.0,0.13380011907128458,0.0,0.0,0.12301689124779736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16380491813599138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19875602314015114,0.0,0.0,0.11136434517955517,0.1707581127054339,0.27595637287603203,0.1013444715245722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15010783277405856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1394122807903636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682792188305575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Alyawn2,2019/08/18,"I feel bad for having some trigger. I'm sorry if it doesn""t seem as serious as some of them here. But, i had a very stupid and specific trigger. I feel nauseous when a door slap. I feel like i going back to some memories i had, and i can't do anything to fight again them. I try my best to keep my cool, be normal as possible. But it's exhausting, and sometimes, i can become emotionnal and violent because i feel aggressed and very bad. (can have some pulsion of self harm etc). And often, people can't understand. Saying i am just an attention seeker etc. So i repress everytime. My stress is all aroung very loud noise like door slamming, trains, screams, sound of hit. I don't know if it's good to repress or not. I have been diagnosed with PTSD, BPD and Social Anxiety. I am not in any therapies or medicament.",2.4841200828157355,4.596812981366462,3.987304347826086,85.59284057971017,77.57142857142857,7.523146997929608,27.50351966873705,8.447377352677275,2.118308985507246,634,27,125,13,15,210,100,161,0.23199999999999998,0.675,0.092,-0.9693,0,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,0,0,2,1,7,18,4,3,3,1,16,2,0,2,1,37,27,18,0,3,9,0,4,2,0,0,2,4,2,1,3,8,0,3,8,0,0,1,5,13,0,0,3,9,20,5,13,22,8,5,0,0,0,0,6,1,0,10,5,85,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1034004811486887,0.0,0.11631925926738668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12512572786670684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11691849730358307,0.2539139093490941,0.0926894045949342,0.1679293369458391,0.0,0.0,0.15956904971609326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19150399904321774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15432944061892828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3391560414278598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075279629988951,0.10862588154826212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641457797011601,0.12753388891400286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13515068249367967,0.0,0.0,0.08356372758941784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14856971997886265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1489785424013593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10541361692176757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714156296984687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17774049140226436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091774463928953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13842230571200992,0.15862325473810046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15499772632784894,0.0,0.0,0.1503831807948629,0.17020961233466073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741748957211658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17388455717540374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10323323425834444,0.0,0.0,0.1582913521291998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3763761342333283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,IceColdLavaSunshine,2019/08/18,"Any Movements to End Fireworks? I have a lot of trauma from gunfire, and thought I finally found a quiet suburb to escape them (except, of course, nearly the whole month of July and weeks before in June). Unfortunately, a stadium sets off such loud fireworks I hear them with music on inside my home and miles away where they can't even be seen. It leaves me shaking and crying up to hours and on edge for days. I called and complained, but no one has ever listened to me this far in my life, so I was hoping to find a group advocating for an end to (or at least quieter) fireworks. Does anyone know who can help me with this advocacy?",6.305126728110603,6.095768475806452,6.639539170506914,79.01145161290326,65.85483870967742,8.698617511520737,29.81105990783411,7.957251820313856,1.9044092165898607,497,15,96,5,7,161,93,124,0.095,0.833,0.07200000000000001,0.1846,0,0,0,1,0,0,16.0,0,0,3,0,5,4,0,1,6,0,6,1,0,0,1,18,13,9,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,1,0,4,8,0,0,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,4,5,13,1,24,8,3,24,0,0,1,0,10,12,0,3,9,71,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13721277126699766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1410845912190368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18957266860260066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716942272119944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20603311116867234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2216385086957562,0.13012709395540828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17657318506438324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3574225298939718,0.0,0.0,0.13326936961172647,0.18251551245117625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22103280070297407,0.1844171517433764,0.0,0.0,0.221234022027888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2274131870704358,0.0,0.13524439783995346,0.0,0.2023950835340958,0.2004064262256709,0.1987060681891187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11088933545151013,0.0,0.0,0.21364880364993866,0.0,0.0,0.1425184574168652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154045438711474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1610535326149445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367268181508458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16018547143653422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16185038011409875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22527269711632636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,taetaetae159,2019/06/17,"Sleep to much I've noticed I like to sleep all the time. It keeps my PTSD, depression, weed and alcohol cravings at bay. I know I cant sleep my life away but it's the only thing that seems to comfort me. Imma ask my therapist if I should be more concerned about or not. Does anyone else do this?",0.4711520737327177,2.6710471290322597,2.13847926267281,95.50629032258064,85.7741935483871,5.478341013824887,20.147465437788018,6.868970318607317,0.26397880184331823,230,7,52,3,7,75,50,62,0.04,0.8759999999999999,0.084,0.3919,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,2,0,4,5,3,0,1,10,8,4,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,5,1,1,1,2,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,2,6,6,3,3,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,3,2,33,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21712933231578105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14206275182906988,0.2081739661933419,0.0,0.0,0.18993861499652265,0.0,0.19088700431824254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749919496829196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17779739341290454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697243331975394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805888191013308,0.0,0.0,0.11165814782906462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350655923608815,0.09925969218266027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935497120715285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2313129379995419,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15452164123522044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374974721294968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1849603735962212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6099568955150688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358986262055686,0.13497860614366447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847136503643795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ComplexWriter,2019/06/17,"Opening up about childhood trauma Trigger warning: Self-injury, physical and emotional abuse &#x200B; Hi. \[19/M\] Sitting here and writing this is something I thought I would never get to. I'd like to apologize in advance for any grammar mistakes or errors in general, as my brain is scattered and it's hard to process thoughts about this. It wasn’t until recently that I was diagnosed with PTSD, but it’s highly likely had it for quite some time now. I have previously been diagnosed with MDD, GAD, OCD, and panic disorder. I was abused by my parents as a child, and this is my first time writing about it and sharing it with others. I am still in disbelief that I am still alive today. I don’t deserve to be. I never thought there was going to be a life beyond their home. I struggle with accepting that I have PTSD, because my brain likes to tell me “others have had it worse, get over it.” Every time I tell my story, those who are listening sit there looking shocked, but I’m emotionless, often giggling. I don’t understand, was the abuse *that* bad? I am only able to recall the extreme emotional abuse from time to time, such as the times when my father called me a “sexual deviant” and said I self-injured for “sexual pleasure,” right after he found me hurting myself. Saying I would “die of HIV/AIDS” because I am gay. My mother always belittled my feelings and if anything wasn’t going her way, everyone would team up and target the “enemy” (usually me, and I’ll never know why). They claimed to care about my health, but refused to help insure me and complained about how I couldn’t pay for my own bills (when I was noticeably mentally ill and unable to hold a job and go to college at the same time along with dealing with mental illness). “\[My parents\] have done everything to help you! They have sacrificed so much to give you food, water, and a home to live in so you have no right to be ungrateful” was something I heard whenever I complained. “Stop being so sensitive” “Snowflake” “Get over it, you’re a grown man/adult” “Quit exaggerating.” I can remember very little about physical abuse besides a very clear memory from when I was ?6-7? and accidentally walked in on my parents having sex and my father screamed at me, then proceeded to hold me by one leg upside down and beat me. It wasn’t even a thought in my mind that I had PTSD until my partner talked to me about what he was noticing. It was so normalized to me, everything I had experienced growing up, that I was ignorant to or (refused to believe) the obvious reality. I’ve been yelling, kicking violently, and often shouting expletives in my sleep. This has been occurring for a long time, along with intense, vivid nightmares that jolt me out of sleep instantly. I have had little sleep in months. During the day, I have flashbacks to where I feel as if I’m back at my parents’ house and suffering the abuse. The smallest noises startle me, and the smallest noises can bring me out of sleep gasping for air. Thinking and writing about this is difficult, but I feel it is a step in the direction of accepting the truth.",5.5356794871794905,6.7106918820512815,5.988279914529915,78.17831730769235,67.78632478632478,9.132051282051282,33.257478632478644,9.3871,3.1207273504273507,2441,109,439,48,40,787,288,585,0.2,0.7190000000000001,0.08199999999999999,-0.9978,5,0,2,0,7,1,88.0,0,3,3,6,29,25,1,3,22,0,54,17,7,2,6,84,80,44,1,8,8,7,4,3,1,3,6,7,2,2,29,33,2,6,14,1,2,9,10,15,0,2,29,14,68,10,82,43,4,74,0,2,2,2,42,30,0,7,35,315,97,4,0.061902869593230735,0.4400686682150027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05150814643705892,0.06707173334151978,0.0752187621624972,0.04209607406324521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05094078720891092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475994856810914,0.051686310425757366,0.0754708294847414,0.0,0.0,0.06974333594945238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382081499483535,0.06320975101042461,0.0,0.06311410116028934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039922229791005334,0.06381914040473848,0.0,0.125660219183922,0.06424540543507154,0.0,0.07094605156695456,0.0,0.0,0.06334812781114252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1392647927878451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040886261546461335,0.0,0.052155837481170135,0.059150844685529086,0.11126861534064472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09389985251836948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05265454925290648,0.07485319562869634,0.0678733013742109,0.0,0.0,0.09702508324722472,0.059382873164422485,0.10554248202606786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055452812192807566,0.0,0.0,0.06579985566892048,0.0,0.0,0.08298437726370768,0.06540378042862838,0.12418725090697495,0.0,0.0,0.0714276002722229,0.06626830220515502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061429046301808066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03402019822854172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04372382747904463,0.09072784574559667,0.12408587559953535,0.05466136796396761,0.05478209162030498,0.05198281982221862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12476706567932698,0.0,0.06250425176467429,0.0,0.04941027992149182,0.0,0.04550573178648835,0.0,0.14322992766347947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060651668977668674,0.0,0.14095365464270068,0.0,0.0,0.04194698649523023,0.04707992177578863,0.0,0.07262967974930917,0.27494324389028235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21708342573420045,0.0,0.0,0.13168264317446485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06112161570548307,0.0,0.07012388400589288,0.10572942480217193,0.0588838045976629,0.04922764649979247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12915638699990264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24779030042131386,0.0,0.0,0.09531170662689567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0988714232407011,0.051753570806955626,0.0,0.06471431985280089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049755181740014136,0.1082116730078138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03966485930702019,0.0,0.19657585535757088,0.2887684885560265,0.0,0.058676682261825874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06444307036850308,0.0,0.0,0.06817726528540141,0.1021527008147456,0.0,0.0491356165417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055857711432453716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06308431262560459,0.13192206743680793,0.0,0.0752187621624972,0.0 ptsd,300mghehe,2019/06/17,"Need some input on this situation. Going to make this as short as I can . I went to jail when I was 15 for no reason got out in a little over a week after being in max and a lower security sector once they realised I was innocent. Apparently I was their for investigation. I do not care to share details. But I am in america where we are told we are innocent until proven guilty. I learned the opposite is true. I am now 20 and freak out when i see cop cars and I often have dreams of the police arresting and my friends taking me or us to jail or raiding my house. I even hate hearing the sirens in songs and i especially hate seeing a combo of red and blue lights. I often wake up from those dreams completely out of breath and sometimes crying and very scared until I realized it was a dream. This is all embarrassing for me. Do people with ptsd have these similar experiences or am I over reacting to having night mares slightly often? Maybe everyone is afraid of seeing cops? I just would like everyones opinions on if they think I have a problem or not and what kind of professional I should talk to. I am sorry but I know nothing about any of this. I have been considering seeing a dr. for this. I have never posted anything on reddit and I am sorry if this is not what this is for.",3.2724717435612334,4.980659167315178,4.977409672040022,81.17442282749677,74.05836575875486,8.008078562164165,24.68945710579952,8.704169506293173,1.7472406522141934,1014,32,200,20,21,344,148,257,0.105,0.8290000000000001,0.065,-0.7759999999999999,2,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,3,0,3,0,10,14,2,3,10,0,29,3,2,3,3,47,46,24,0,6,12,0,0,1,1,2,1,2,0,0,12,16,0,1,5,4,0,3,5,7,0,0,8,9,34,7,38,35,2,29,0,0,6,0,11,16,0,11,10,157,46,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121704370583517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11038245529176224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367605377010494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406389884298199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14734203928624795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08859552795466218,0.0,0.0,0.2563452913357511,0.0,0.13121069487683384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10363309994565643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07623254986779465,0.0,0.1072807704010446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2648629549051735,0.0,0.0,0.15118096101945389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15477487344889956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968194744806162,0.07371760853593569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06553204825608043,0.13443945771325774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953678623289726,0.0,0.13475758789986034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994601051008556,0.10345391157723577,0.0,0.0,0.12587749968019327,0.0,0.1287070588528124,0.0,0.0,0.14285040587546174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09299297638776004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12846515866529087,0.0,0.0,0.12834998586336907,0.15679774399911076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13791409386909015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342934831936949,0.0,0.4275559326098581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15077442455051193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326638814713241,0.30030842168244404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10085353875062494,0.107813393252586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08594889869203498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817264566787556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1613490285673716,0.0,0.0,0.11067620416203508,0.0,0.0,0.10759576576108916,0.0,0.0,0.12434536675801434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09528632822994557,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cvh1416,2019/06/17,"Why me? First post on Reddit, just wanted to vent here because I don't wanna burden anyone in my real life. Sorry if it doesn't make much sense, I'm just writing out what I feel. Usually I don't feel sorry for myself for everything that's happened to me, but lately I can't help but feel angry and confused. I have PTSD from abuse and neglect from my parents growing up and from a sexually and mentally abusive relationship when I was 15. All of my traumatic events happened from when I was a small child to when I was 16. I'm 21 now, and while everything I went through is over I just can't get over the fact that my life was ruined before it even had a chance to start. I did so well with school and everything before the relationship, but once that happened everything went down the drain. I lost all motivation to do anything, and if it weren't for enrolling in online school I wouldn't have finished high school. I ended up doing everything with minimal effort and now I hate myself for it. I could've done something with my life, but now I'm just existing. I feel as though I'm just a waste of space and shouldn't even exist. I just don't know what I did to deserve this. I feel like I'll suffer as long as I'm alive and the thought of that is just incredibly depressing",4.586058823529413,5.196061976923083,5.487782805429863,82.95839366515838,69.61538461538461,8.579185520361992,27.986425339366523,8.671277953709913,1.903138009049774,1014,33,208,16,17,333,131,260,0.20600000000000002,0.718,0.076,-0.9917,1,0,1,0,1,0,20.0,0,0,0,4,19,10,1,1,8,0,23,3,0,2,3,47,46,25,0,6,13,1,5,1,0,2,3,0,0,1,11,14,0,1,8,0,0,3,9,8,1,1,13,5,29,2,34,31,3,31,0,5,0,0,6,12,0,3,16,145,40,4,0.0,0.2405387516242237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07097616040315577,0.0,0.08353173661525119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06187781732543756,0.0,0.1727502189374467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08104520066420083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0874279607430098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387705839111937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08990520720321322,0.0,0.0,0.1340890322984193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4561404122035526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2566253284297928,0.07251672922738073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08634193110818612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053033297042455005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26928731619630497,0.0,0.0,0.10021729689648982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06803810389055104,0.10724787856144928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05578567575665733,0.0,0.11450448809602985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2150925088266803,0.049591266839607635,0.0,0.0,0.08983063472681085,0.0,0.0,0.1108070466177769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06775681176155708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229533385342143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07461943582623476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10810180338379664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271167904511878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09721579185298636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11865642795297347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553736101309127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21796138518062935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30819196921174064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07814516432242384,0.0,0.2272578909122327,0.07184728420063112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997302608500959,0.08058533973623971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11179578642184893,0.0,0.05987154784305208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09126711960869953,0.18819629257028175,0.09159441569230872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Someanswersplease,2019/06/17,"The Stable one is feeling kinda unreal for kinda too long So I almost posted this on my FB page, but then I didnt want to freak people out, especially since my sister literally JUST got out of the Psych ward for Suicidal Ideations. I am known for being the stable one, so I dont need anyone freaking out about my mental health. But also, I am kinda not excited about how this feels. Sometimes I wake up, and everything feels surreal. I look at my life and feel like someone else is living it. Like its a movie that I am watching happen. And if i just squint a little, I will be able to see the synopsis and know what is about to happen. This morning EVERYTHING that I did felt like deja vu. Or like my mind had already done that thing, and my body was just catching up. This actually happens to me ALL THE TIME, and its weird because I know that my actions are what causes things to happen in my life, but again it doesnt feel like I am the one making the decisions or the one experiencing the consequences. So I did some research on this, and it appears I am exhibiting symptoms of Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder which is categorized as a disassociative disorder. Which makes sense because I do have a history of abuse. But you know, one of the mandatory criteria for diagnosis is that it adversely affects your functioning And it generally doesnt do much to inhibit me, as far as I can tell. I simply run on autopilot. Like... anyone ever see MIB where the itty bitty Alien is in a machine that looks like a dog body? I only bring it up because normally Its just for like an hour or so, but today it hasnt stopped, and I am starting to get anxious about it. like normally I am able to note that its happening and then choose to jump back in, but I am hitting a wall when I try to jump back into my brain, like its blocked. and part of me obviously doesnt care cuz why would i? but like.... My psychological heart is racing. I checked my pulse and my ACTUAL heart isnt racing, its pretty steady, but it feels like its SUPPOSED to be racing? and my hands arent actually shaking, but they feel like they are supposed to be? I dont like it. And I dont have insurance, so I cant just pop into a psych dr.... So, anyone have any tips on how to jump back into my brain?",4.676023651145599,5.4375915210642995,6.076104212860312,78.27594493717666,69.48780487804878,9.294929785661493,29.00229120473023,9.473421319101043,2.4711232224685875,1780,63,354,37,30,604,206,451,0.09,0.789,0.121,0.8919,1,0,0,0,1,0,56.0,0,2,2,0,26,21,0,1,20,0,45,13,8,7,3,79,76,43,1,6,19,1,9,14,0,2,5,0,0,0,35,20,0,2,15,0,1,9,12,5,0,5,8,15,49,16,47,61,5,45,0,0,5,0,6,21,0,10,28,258,84,3,0.13721645313838002,0.08128952958425864,0.2008551968275952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870122847124886,0.0,0.0757108840707304,0.054865973999911714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046655946743385815,0.0,0.0,0.07750776746790337,0.0,0.14391740171370498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15826647389585713,0.0,0.1254688143541264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241654620167253,0.0,0.1531789419080845,0.0,0.0,0.069950659485896,0.07047954769235752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15726194317257725,0.0,0.0,0.07021003604776574,0.2412249917150453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05731336968321045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06206006882693126,0.0,0.0,0.1233213003128016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428326655995505,0.19605492307840486,0.06587465671309471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03584496668227718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0548722662681552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033501408649347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07292733657773695,0.0,0.1626021576404434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756528309583762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11311586118688348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692003882425858,0.4692591955285138,0.06876346705016242,0.06058232102157427,0.06071612153875033,0.11522726178943273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09159304797308936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06914095555463831,0.0,0.06927475082798758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05043494069208048,0.05087213066937213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444299026403925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324535495907137,0.052179647910963176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07429602355156087,0.0,0.04756430572172469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06570771598778533,0.06979923152354807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093437476772124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056753433995884825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058131527729964265,0.0,0.06785529038473978,0.0,0.048561255890276885,0.0,0.0,0.057359549484867677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0750462643009213,0.0,0.0,0.07131021702615964,0.0,0.0,0.059966614051467575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911605143174421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04000600864523756,0.0,0.0650325766382233,0.0,0.0,0.046580482278209115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0404669096083644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06190825315169706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0487373156885672,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,NuclearScholar20,2019/06/17,"My PTSD Led Me to have OCD I was diagnosed 3 weeks ago with reoccurring complex PTSD. I am a survivor of 3 rapes, a domestic violence situation, terrible and toxic past relationships, natural disasters (Google ""Kokomo, IN tornado outbreak 2016""), as well as being a product of the recession, having to watch my aunt abuse heroin and help care for my cousins, my dad being emotionally distant, and the death of a friend. All at only 25 years old. My therapist said that he now understands why I have developed OCD as an attempt to have some control in my life. Except my OCD manifests in wanting control over my relationship being ""perfect"". When it isnt I have obsessive doubts about my feelings, my partners feelings, people's opinions, etc. Or even questioning his feelings towards me which leads to compulsive questioning, checking his phone, investigating his friends, etc. My partner is wonderful. And I believe one of the biggest reasons it has triggered my OCD is because he has similarities to my abusive ex fiance. I'm currently on Zoloft 100mg, Gabapentin 600mg, doing individual therapy and couples counseling. I'm just so tired of having to deal with all of this. I want a happy and stable relationship with my boyfriend. I just feel so broken...",7.313513513513513,8.84478566666667,7.8820000000000014,64.91300000000003,63.95495495495496,11.145225225225227,40.926126126126135,11.072351349416056,5.276902342342343,1006,58,152,29,15,333,144,222,0.16,0.705,0.135,-0.8837,1,0,0,0,2,0,37.0,0,0,0,5,9,10,1,2,9,0,17,5,0,6,3,36,29,13,1,2,4,4,4,0,4,0,4,1,0,2,5,9,0,2,10,0,1,2,1,4,1,1,2,6,26,6,28,24,5,18,0,0,1,1,22,8,0,7,8,106,31,1,0.0,0.28204051995424856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055048135602594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07255401324841204,0.0,0.0,0.13409575474423735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12134970194467158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2669840363490141,0.0,0.13169432087020047,0.0,0.0,0.12270528335358548,0.0,0.12080367036792583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13388245087473866,0.0,0.0,0.26547944752232,0.07861215736391901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24072209762472085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18391044670353426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266999216297321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07977717547969387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0840679552575281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489237403970878,0.0,0.08065161691435259,0.0905207294414428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136188810296213,0.08251408013816235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27825803875503485,0.0,0.2666612110700095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237326985045285,0.0,0.38335159298362814,0.0,0.0,0.11321609602182785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378443656077846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13611072937767055,0.1381923952377431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13679697310717656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12390491566625828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14040317720198506,0.0,0.09547135690675687,0.0,0.1070140494841245,0.0,0.10739781616195417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12907304861160165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664553338801487 ptsd,_cal__-,2019/06/17,"Struggling First time posting on here, I’m not sure what to put and I’m quite scared too. I’m 21 years old and I have recently been diagnosed with ptsd from a bunch of things that happened as a child. I’m uncovering a lot in therapy and I don’t know how to handle all of the information. My emotions are all over the place and I’m having a really tough time. I guess I just want to see if anyone has any ideas how to help me stop feeling so scared and anxious all of the time.",1.5528431372549036,3.205652911764705,3.2907843137254917,91.65519607843142,78.70588235294117,6.886274509803924,22.117647058823533,7.793537801064563,0.7677764705882364,375,11,87,6,9,125,70,102,0.172,0.773,0.055,-0.898,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,6,5,0,3,7,0,6,1,0,2,4,23,17,10,0,2,3,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,4,0,0,1,2,4,0,1,1,2,6,1,13,16,5,14,0,0,1,0,3,4,0,3,8,54,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1218506448640669,0.0,0.0,0.20242588795558106,0.0,0.1252889819342767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18186706340259245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20155685756544145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09060035356910784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15241304383525248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19739037364207387,0.0,0.15845101370379094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010264743493608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2022758970646991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984743395862323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15233505448754392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18802250990223784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18720819066590466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160786833227532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945544213356604,0.18012849498976224,0.0,0.19058327106829964,0.0,0.0,0.11478927495888322,0.0,0.17692168342485676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35878706135148875,0.0,0.14278572289620264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498050855614525,0.0,0.18732106927967002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1688779406910156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20491147805451346,0.0,0.11904128231301027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31344930017205386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568682827412863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11538803446740795 ptsd,imafuckingmesshelp,2019/06/17,"my father died in february and i still don’t know how to feel he was a piece of shit. he was all i had and he never showed me any kindness. just constant abuse, manipulation, and gaslighting. he gave me this fucked up brain that i will spend my whole life trying to fix. but he’s dead now. and i thought i wouldn’t care. when i was younger i wished for it constantly. but now that its happened i feel so empty. mostly because i know now that there’s no chance for him to ever fix himself if that makes sense? we’ll never have a relationship. it’ll never ever get better because he’s dead. and i have to carry that weight. but i feel so guilty cause i’m not mourning him. i still hate him. i still haven’t even cried. he’s still my father but i mostly feel bad for myself. no one was there at my graduation and it feels so lonely even though he probably wouldn’t have shown up anyways. i’ve been avoiding social media all day because the father’s day posts make me so sick. i’ll never have a dad. i’ve never had a dad in that sense. idk. it just fuckin sucks man. i just wish things were ok.",0.5757995951417031,2.823071539473688,2.0624561403508785,95.89475708502023,85.7982456140351,4.560323886639677,17.102564102564102,5.8734145424116955,-0.5580828609986495,853,19,191,6,26,275,118,228,0.275,0.657,0.068,-0.9951,1,3,0,0,1,0,25.0,1,0,0,1,24,13,5,1,5,1,19,7,2,5,9,44,39,18,4,5,9,5,6,0,0,5,2,0,0,1,13,6,1,1,8,1,1,0,12,9,0,1,10,6,28,4,13,24,6,25,0,2,0,2,22,5,4,3,19,126,41,1,0.0,0.13339442645210034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07656143771828237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09400349853537793,0.2058917134099736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09957199337269856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12568172804585487,0.0,0.0,0.11478757657707228,0.1156554711179687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2433280681968201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12366897572867908,0.14521559920893892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11684511480840555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14872222821633285,0.2036785630101483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28463096501351165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10408271518764034,0.05882084440925256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09955825371802306,0.0,0.0,0.1111540552182764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1172396109920086,0.12374718288099308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07952188342581354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15030228571695328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43416119872708336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07629028752655666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10782499459026816,0.0,0.12138531845793495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208738041939159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155665480214718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476589507993287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3596410582700936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07479625349442583,0.0,0.11061386871085067,0.08937965381442342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07643760210130633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370978001258394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569676576490368,0.2589336333751234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,tacoluvr_,2019/06/17,"In need of a support buddy. I’ve recently re-entered therapy after about a 9 month break. We’ve decided that I need more EMDR therapy to process through things again. With that said, I’m feeling incredibly overwhelmed with life because of this and I’ve had lots of changes in the last month. I’m in search of someone who would like to be buddies that can support each other and be there on rough days. It’s very hard to find someone who understands the struggles of PTSD, and having someone who experiences it first hand would be an amazing thing for me and hopefully for them as well to have support in return!",6.636876513317191,6.960007288135593,6.484285714285715,78.59788135593223,65.10169491525424,9.454721549636805,37.19612590799032,9.23628265651192,3.371565133171913,492,24,91,8,7,155,79,118,0.034,0.7609999999999999,0.20600000000000002,0.9612,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,1,1,4,9,0,2,5,0,9,2,1,0,0,17,20,5,0,5,0,0,4,1,0,2,1,1,0,0,12,7,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,1,1,2,5,3,7,22,13,3,15,0,1,0,0,5,5,0,2,10,62,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861909896962646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1537872106921913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0937546879262154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1422044018335131,0.0,0.0,0.07350584219422251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13286988884779566,0.1236556890470588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1302272225019619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443899297069869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1184998250810971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.102682485965779,0.07102276024014989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12359241476103608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2320734787930168,0.0,0.0,0.215587071853282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16993530455096012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1435400286009256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382846788083454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3695266646224649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15197725412430782,0.0,0.0,0.4949086344431737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3324973949063205,0.0,0.1931610499869308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513402428430337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11994939455842132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070936007225892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2065401043957671,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Surviving6918,2019/06/17,"I feel alone I'm 16, 17 in December. and I have PTSD I was diagnosed last year, and honest to god, I didn't process any of it. A few months earlier than my PTSD diagnosis, I was diagnosed with GAD, and the two seem a world apart. I just need to get this off my chest. As the second anniversary of the goddamn event that screwed my brain over approaches quickly, I've been falling into trap after trap with my PTSD. My triggers are the smallest, dumbest, most random ass things that no one would think are triggers. The most inconspicuous things just sets me straight into a panic attack. I try and smile through them but I'm struggling. I hate that these are my triggers. I don't dislike any of them, I want to normalize them, but I can't do that when I feel like I'm going to pass out every time I encounter them. I recently experienced sleep paralysis for the first time. And I didn't see some ungodly demon standing in the corner of my room or an old hag sitting on me, quite frankly I'd rather see them. I couldn't open my eyes, I was just paralysed, every inch of my body felt like lead, and all I felt was the sensations of the event and the sheer horror that ran through me as I refused to even attempt to open my eyes in fear that I'd come face to face with it. I'm losing sleep. I see movement out of the corner of my eyes and dark shadows in places where no one else sees them. I can't focus, my anxiety is wearing me down and my brain just slowly works its way back to what happened every time I try to shove it to the farthest reaches of my subconscious. Its frustrating that I can't find stories or accounts of others around my age experiencing the same things. Teenage PTSD is so stigmatized its actually dangerous. Apart from the occasional 'coming out of foster care' story, I don't find things I can relate to. I guess it makes sense. Teenaged girls don't have PTSD, it just doesn't happen, but I'm living proof that it does, and it feels to me like I'm alone in that. I haven't been in foster care or an orphanage, I haven't been in a war, my event seems inconsequential in the face of all that. I feel alone. I can't find others like me. Its wearing me down, and I'm afraid. I'm afraid I'll have to live my life knowing that.",3.6643299515947234,4.745797910284465,4.502812810821567,87.44530866653406,72.08533916849015,7.640050394536171,26.539950931635836,8.00094639256281,1.3908605397520062,1763,58,379,24,33,569,207,457,0.131,0.782,0.087,-0.9621,0,3,0,0,0,0,48.0,0,0,6,6,13,19,6,5,21,0,31,19,15,5,3,69,67,21,1,6,12,0,6,4,0,1,3,0,1,1,31,24,0,1,13,0,1,9,15,12,0,5,12,15,60,7,55,53,7,62,1,1,7,2,8,32,2,10,21,241,91,2,0.0,0.0,0.07839134842607114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495956872313892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10925550252349224,0.0,0.061452901298128436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07151151197727634,0.0,0.09138796992859301,0.0,0.06176948615367511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08922949543682515,0.0,0.17935165227953634,0.0,0.0,0.16380536646305854,0.0,0.0,0.13839587571155978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16306829911887982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029809210996818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06710614019360296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305778687169577,0.0,0.2030466864312934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09039457033301453,0.16247082104557645,0.11477678966064685,0.1542604796412584,0.0,0.2202628997464157,0.06832940323759475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0419695678811321,0.0,0.045653888824289376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849351798516568,0.0,0.1420726590891399,0.0,0.0,0.07931011043106914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044147749358097836,0.06548038666032824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056740074339194,0.1569824360171366,0.0,0.14186727286141634,0.0,0.0,0.08986970391297389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05362148441118527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06411933990018315,0.0,0.0,0.05956432768681254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07870720394362654,0.0,0.0,0.08429374267166953,0.0,0.10886856294477974,0.0,0.0,0.0942509763168085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08392866927595881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4695124841586173,0.0,0.0,0.08544177618578362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07931705019472222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2560532350995399,0.14626042744693654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16077778269954615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08397927471052523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21347306179065156,0.051472782587769286,0.0,0.0,0.14052474176127108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907878532791383,0.0,0.07847159463878499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0473812327628028,0.06376291134655045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058481835447558576,0.0,0.0,0.0570647504645843,0.0,0.0,0.051730451262685 ptsd,mxxn-lite,2019/06/17,"Anybody else dealt with cocsa? I don’t know how to cope plus I still live with this person because I’m still a minor, and for years I’ve been battling mental issues but no one has taken it seriously. So I’m suffering silently plus this person is known to be violent but because they have past trauma they get excused.My mental health just keeps getting worse and worse no matter how many therapists I’ve went to and been hospitalized for being suicidal. I’m so angry and I’ve had a breakdown today but all I can do is keep quiet. I feel so hopeless.",2.952818181818184,5.082300463636365,4.46909090909091,82.61363636363639,76.18181818181819,6.581818181818183,24.63636363636364,7.554174236665415,1.3803818181818182,441,15,81,6,10,147,72,110,0.361,0.63,0.009000000000000001,-0.9941,0,0,0,0,0,1,7.0,0,0,2,0,8,6,2,0,2,0,12,1,0,2,1,21,23,14,1,0,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,0,2,3,8,0,2,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,1,5,2,6,0,9,16,1,6,0,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,5,51,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21923464423326167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021752150511344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09092299148764732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1878982891149885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911415052234492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18768659261705226,0.0,0.31966665363609137,0.0,0.0,0.09882501764323808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1587853961682863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18231045218450231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624349095270709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12185148518605475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1716596632320369,0.0,0.3140258362081425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28721085281557396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19669518445369816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.208786249369548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17044945243460388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666960351504803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36650628937291496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11579894406983605 ptsd,falsegoatgod99,2019/07/01,I can’t talk to other guys anymore. I went to a military boarding school when I was 14. And I got assaulted on the daily basis and even sexually assaulted by the other kids. At the time the place was a zoo in hell and now I feel like every other guy I talk to is trying to challenge me in a way. And as much as I talk to women I’m pretty ugly looking so that’s not going well. I just wish I could get past the trauma and have guy friends again because it’s been five years now.,2.8458791208791183,3.2395191923076934,4.954285714285714,86.005,73.42307692307693,7.481318681318682,24.472527472527474,7.447530270364453,0.9907489010989012,372,10,83,4,7,130,70,104,0.177,0.706,0.11699999999999999,-0.8183,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,8,8,3,0,8,0,7,0,0,0,0,10,15,9,0,2,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,5,5,5,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,4,1,1,5,2,10,4,12,9,1,15,1,0,1,0,9,5,1,0,8,58,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882088136776844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10991641627872492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14396432192731845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1190942613166925,0.0,0.1519204912172025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09117107760605436,0.1288148053931376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393084704264403,0.0,0.09420548762561796,0.0,0.10247536669614904,0.0,0.1442118400257894,0.0,0.0,0.5356111725951963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08809125087692476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15141652216969834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13254993995058506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17212804178889596,0.0,0.0,0.18838748202755254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1834419515535597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18248519553447864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4347834498836167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10514127648060256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12241989470239265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14312313562159085,0.0,0.0,0.16212198724963767,0.16715087029874906,0.0,0.0,0.2073497026416323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611490497345214 ptsd,FawnLinwood,2019/07/01,"PTSD diagnosis but still unsure? (21F) So I've been going to therapy/taking medications for the past year and a half. My therapist says I have PTSD and am on the bipolar spectrum. The thing is that I dont necessarily agree with the diagnosis since what I've experienced wasn't even that bad, especially comparing to others experiences. I may or may not have been sexually abused by my moms ex bf when I was 4/5. I'm not too sure it even happened since he was never prosecuted for the claim. He was also physically violent to my mom but never to me. Idk, I just feel as if I'm over exaggerating the past and that I probably only just have anxiety not full blow PTSD. Anyways, would love any feedback or advice. This has been something I've been struggling with for a very long time, so even the smallest amount of help is greatly appreciated.",4.828703703703702,6.36174329012346,6.5009259259259276,72.4991666666667,69.80246913580247,9.844444444444443,30.16666666666667,10.125756701596842,3.1505333333333336,671,27,126,18,12,231,105,162,0.14,0.736,0.124,-0.2438,0,0,1,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,0,12,6,1,1,9,0,19,3,0,0,3,22,25,13,0,2,10,3,1,0,1,3,2,1,0,0,8,5,0,0,1,0,0,1,7,3,0,1,8,3,10,3,14,14,2,13,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,5,9,87,18,1,0.0,0.16352527157613586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13486671424653549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1103705894782562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09385497001733543,0.0,0.10558113917555684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11523680588427257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175261636972466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2734729261782544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1350052066292871,0.0,0.0,0.06978455860676518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07843713621393325,0.0,0.0,0.1521620851779844,0.0,0.0,0.12204625717800535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925085820151671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12213898043760428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12456397544499925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13903564781369745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3232831283057828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2128914372750365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10496666838923033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2635019731144928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14880357218910634,0.0,0.4839966402314234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097551111136997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22833495911514096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10625073200803316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11021900106273136,0.0,0.0,0.14428330158179725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1300775558293226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024611615858878,0.09169106979102648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08047768835479323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1138768743345692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09804193510068154,0.0,0.0,0.08887717030450837 ptsd,timeforshade_ok,2019/07/01,"Being taken seriously on the 4th of July - just because I’m not a veteran doesn’t make my PTSD any less serious. Every post I’ve seen regarding “being courteous of people with PTSD on the 4th of July” is veteran-centric. Not at all trying to downplay the seriousness of veterans and PTSD, but it’d be nice to see a more broad understanding of the disorder. I’ve mentioned to some friends and family that the 4th of July is going to be hell for me, as it is every year, but I just can’t help to feel because I wasn’t in “combat” the sounds of fireworks aren’t viewed to be as triggering to me. I’ve gone as far as to looking into staying at an AirBnB in the middle of nowhere just so I can get some sleep on the 4th and not have to deal with the anxious come down for the days to follow. For those who suffer from PTSD unrelated to combat, do you have any suggestions on how to avoid/cope with the fireworks? Any ideas on how to convey the severity of this when everyone’s idea of PTSD stops with war vets? I’m very open to suggestions!",9.97127358490566,5.742309334905663,10.218584905660382,68.99976415094339,61.783018867924525,13.807547169811322,39.70754716981132,11.45678717892309,4.244573584905662,817,28,167,17,8,278,117,212,0.153,0.787,0.06,-0.9648,1,1,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,0,7,8,2,0,15,0,17,1,1,4,1,30,31,13,1,0,8,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,6,10,0,1,4,0,0,4,7,6,0,0,4,6,7,2,47,21,5,25,1,1,4,0,8,15,1,2,4,111,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25075293002608223,0.0,0.0,0.13885546680150535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498519125272466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10587772251482164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926801026804521,0.1267167766776495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086769134708196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2071171616735379,0.11744759219216933,0.0,0.0,0.11587040484943738,0.0,0.062147952093856935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949614326567526,0.0,0.06421639719158642,0.0,0.06985366793350016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08238525883277407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775051589821879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321504377388144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08204465079801652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08521163865046945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177156286913172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7183871955634945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09794487456907303,0.0,0.0,0.13885546680150535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12300067018390913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131007736435647,0.0,0.10275985594016226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834491151258925,0.0,0.0,0.12795562748916844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10141519373394564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07915123678645263 ptsd,kvf436,2019/07/01,"I’m not sure how to support my friend with ptsd I don’t know if he browses here so I’m gonna be a little vague. I also don’t know a ton about his situation. Basically he went through some shit with family as a kid and his family sucks absolute ass and they continue to be shitty to them to this day. I haven’t seen them in a few years but we keep in frequent touch since we’ve moved apart. He lives on the west coast and I’m on the east coast, but we text all the time. I don’t know what’s changed that has caused this latest trigger, and how his other mental health issues are complicating things, but lately he’s been MIA for weeks and will come back and say “hey sorry I’ve been doing bad lately.” Which is totally fine! When he doesnt answer for a while I just assume he’s having a rough time and I’ll just send a text every now and then letting them know I’m just checking in to see if he’s alright. But I’m just worried and I don’t know how to support him/be there for him. It feels like all I can say is “ I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that/you had to go through that” and I tell him that I’m always there for him and I care a lot about him. I used to have a problem where I’d always try to “fix their problems for them” aka I would think I was helping by offering advice but really he just wanted someone to listen to him. So I try and I’ve gotten way better where I’m not trying to fix shit, but I feel too passive. It’s hard to show sympathy over text I guess. And I don’t understand ptsd very well, especially when he doesn’t like to talk about it much. I know the basic outline of what happened but I barely know any of the details or why lately things have been so much harder for him, so I feel really lost. I want to be there for him as much as I can and I feel like a bad friend when I’m basically just saying “aw that sucks ://“ (I don’t actually say that but you get my point). What can I do better, if anything? He sees a therapist I think, though I believe that since moving he’s had a hard time finding a consistent support team. I don’t know what kinda meds he’s on, I know he used to be on a lot. I don’t press for too many details because he’s very private about it.",0.7011320316132021,2.4114931903765715,2.796599721059973,93.93168712226874,81.53138075313808,5.755165039516505,19.408833100883307,6.742157984588678,0.01239538819153818,1707,42,403,18,45,577,207,478,0.111,0.77,0.11800000000000001,0.7407,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,2,1,6,4,34,24,4,0,19,2,36,4,3,7,4,81,85,44,0,8,20,0,9,3,2,3,1,5,0,1,20,20,0,1,19,2,1,6,13,9,1,0,10,17,50,15,47,67,11,41,0,1,3,1,49,15,5,10,22,243,70,2,0.0,0.0,0.07283104139106833,0.0,0.0,0.07293050315995245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05968398258739779,0.12420126830865345,0.0,0.0,0.0507529988082464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06141659929191221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05738816965249649,0.1246308740097694,0.04549558366347528,0.0,0.0,0.0840858328263025,0.0,0.13201364581408656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07609331682947845,0.07666864890150511,0.07895181729185867,0.0642897204517887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048132110323668376,0.07694334516892724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06288152081707113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14071469917315416,0.0,0.150946747695896,0.10663565924487148,0.0,0.0,0.06821320928238532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11532254026996752,0.0,0.03899266177821481,0.0,0.04241565342839832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08221666294332257,0.0,0.06599771481427291,0.0,0.13371301594096968,0.0,0.0,0.07933138827459718,0.0,0.0,0.050024926244195016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07789746102204956,0.0,0.06633723896963124,0.0,0.0,0.3691471014137464,0.0,0.2525678220331197,0.0,0.0,0.07631729833916719,0.0,0.10938574081950986,0.07480187210524324,0.0659023057343628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08147073503559503,0.12690061423122487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0756661471921475,0.0,0.0,0.08290043743273902,0.0,0.07521250943992569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1586461340940075,0.16459152563667684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07055230786916493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14282740187391765,0.17448396464121588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09562362089567726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23740462641557175,0.0,0.0,0.11894567537282875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15321940258199465,0.12347437653766508,0.08389061822924057,0.0,0.0,0.06323629812567624,0.0,0.0,0.16709106487717096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2540779295420613,0.07034071860835743,0.0,0.0,0.059987177800977814,0.06523253098320562,0.0,0.0,0.08665466454169422,0.09916569692518712,0.09564362482420363,0.07332654289375687,0.0,0.1305573062483582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15201272248678374,0.0,0.0,0.07769558436015915,0.0,0.12891789753595267,0.0,0.12316008126840165,0.08804095333968946,0.05924020097543286,0.059866090256722376,0.0,0.06710402944634944,0.06918553808027826,0.06734467346060506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07579343357555822,0.0,0.0530171413874405,0.0,0.0,0.04806120461933837 ptsd,diddle817,2019/07/01,"Is this part of PTSD? I have been sexually assaulted many times by many different people. I know I have, I know I get uncomfortable or scared if I’m in a situation where something may happen. But I can’t cry. I could talk about it all day and not cry, yet I have the physical reactions (feeling sick, scared, shaking, etc..). Is that part of the PTSD or is it just something weird I do?",2.2371428571428567,4.1888685584415635,4.024675324675325,85.79987012987014,77.70129870129871,8.036363636363637,25.285714285714285,8.841846274778883,1.8582259740259752,297,11,64,7,7,100,53,77,0.309,0.691,0.0,-0.9721,1,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,0,0,4,5,1,3,3,0,11,1,0,0,1,13,17,5,0,2,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,5,0,0,1,1,9,0,5,14,4,6,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,4,3,45,13,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367024988639738,0.0,0.3761467241477927,0.1104205230450011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788848737179481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909517342404247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08657224210843792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945359095028255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1514062471094955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1881922979831432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3471734562882215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3708217200436059,0.0,0.11870001123390758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4002860150757698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428353104273865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19245459800432144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26362176043645497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13761739313391935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09983775866289073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Pete_the_rawdog,2019/07/01,"I was recently triggered by an event and am proud of my reaction. I recently hung out with someone I had a violent traumatic experience with....he abused me 8 years ago and I figured enough time could go past that he may have changed. Until I was hanging with him and his current squeeze and shit escalated and he started acting exactly how it started between us back in the day. She basically cheated on him and lied about it and he found out....she lied some more to attempt to cover it all up. Then she turned on me to distract from the fact that she is the one to have fucked up. That is a super condensed version of what happened....and how I would have reacted before...well....i would have fallen apart and relapsed into heavy drug use and fought with them and tried to continue to be their friends and spiralled spiralled spiralled. Well, this time i decided to just step away and not let their negativity impact me anymore. I haven't drank or used drugs to cope...i have reached out to people who are my true friends and discussed the situation to help me understand where everything went wrong and how it had little if NOTHING to do with me. I feel fucking powerful! Though, you know how hard it is to look away from a train wreck that is happening in front of you....but I also know how traumatic watching it can be. Live and Learn. Eta-someone offered me xanax...which is my biggest weakness and i said no....i still can't believe it.",4.777093862815885,6.1342336678700375,5.147240072202166,82.82779151624551,69.72202166064983,8.283682310469315,32.622563176895305,8.697196308434329,2.617470902527076,1134,52,219,19,20,360,165,277,0.162,0.745,0.09300000000000001,-0.9666,2,0,2,0,1,0,48.0,1,1,3,4,13,15,6,1,8,0,27,7,1,9,4,53,46,27,0,4,4,0,3,0,2,3,3,1,0,0,14,23,1,0,8,0,0,7,4,9,1,1,9,6,31,6,36,30,5,39,0,0,2,2,22,15,3,4,17,154,45,1,0.0,0.14522335811526507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864937651534083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09801780169330608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12155478933011585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23031384980527206,0.09424743438163144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13809246852982754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12966097829191364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09786079058036888,0.0,0.0,0.07904639469856384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2842805620248067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266457880643007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11015645834192504,0.1198952876260596,0.0,0.0,0.061974200365400425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1343897822843863,0.1893918835995495,0.2266247822090446,0.0,0.0,0.06965837275266873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10838671687841896,0.0,0.10979709557018748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821549281357961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1347206321377657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12533436091372455,0.0,0.0,0.1228456069526416,0.10823002846941952,0.0,0.10292647767227693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760756129786062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08305543223100106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700528314936427,0.08497340602974253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420427608859713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11659049316500505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12581456838823507,0.0,0.13777187153155526,0.0,0.0,0.20770339581226527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17350890553182235,0.0,0.09788317920626352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12042270352336636,0.0,0.14294108847628928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08321581012544142,0.13331908201684906,0.0,0.12759789226712276,0.14743453806436488,0.21171926482776451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2204071902025808,0.1136220147787068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741379655169786,0.13400916278043784,0.0,0.07892994768942256 ptsd,C_Eberhard,2019/07/01,"I don't know how people do it It has been 2 years since it ended. And I have great days, and I have bad days. Usually the bad days I'm able to smoke a bowl, snuggle with my dog, and watch Netflix until it's numbed enough I can go to sleep. When I wake up, everything is a little better. He used to not let me sleep, so for the longest time, I had difficulty sleeping. I felt unprotected when I slept, so I would like awake. I would listen to the creaks in my floorboards, thinking he found my new life and is here to ruin it. Or the breathing of my husband might stop and I will think he's been poisoned. If my dog barks, which he never does, I tense up thinking he's outside the gate. But usually I can trick myself into sleeping. Be it a melatonin or ZQuil. Sometimes I can't trick myself. Sometimes I can't get myself to take a melatonin because I'm terrified of not being in control. I can't smoke because what if I need to defend myself. Last night was bad though. I haven't had a night like that in awhile. I tried smoking, I tried melatonin, I tried snuggling with my dog, and nothing helped. I did not get more than 10 minutes of sleep last night. I'm even more emotional and irrational and scared and my patience is thin. And I don't feel I have many people to talk to about it. My husband sometimes understands, but his perceived inability to ""fix it and make it better"" makes him withdraw sometimes. And it's not his job to fix it, so I don't push him. I guess I just needed to type this out. To make sense in my head of what is happening. To put some organization to the screaming alarm bells in my head.",2.4322207792207813,4.1212825727272735,3.595519480519485,90.27613636363638,76.30303030303031,6.1688311688311686,24.816017316017323,6.868970318607317,0.8236926406926406,1259,43,269,12,28,408,161,330,0.113,0.84,0.047,-0.9369,1,0,2,0,0,0,42.0,0,0,0,3,12,16,3,2,11,0,31,13,10,6,1,51,56,26,0,6,11,2,3,2,0,4,3,2,1,0,16,16,0,2,9,1,0,3,12,11,0,0,9,6,46,5,34,40,4,33,0,1,1,0,14,11,0,7,21,175,62,2,0.08931705933657441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22372804130993632,0.10889370072120642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15798736141872355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10017667682967747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280634276838952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816196052247766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10046967000612124,0.07910840386446617,0.09228839824961677,0.0,0.05899307532255865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08027241373448064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045161388877928636,0.0,0.08575838374843177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979315454363446,0.0,0.0,0.093328954155367,0.0,0.05076094313341538,0.0,0.0,0.09847237323549217,0.098392810553544,0.0,0.07898278059721449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1833301417031356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059867342150498375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0886333995432055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04908631996848434,0.14561064869683465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09133274458755987,0.06308728042867702,0.08727160722583772,0.08951915788865504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1788594919964868,0.09055347930049028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09475128529825827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13245493553144091,0.0688868223824161,0.08626297247708845,0.0,0.2514540290515269,0.0,0.08570212732785451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12384240575482365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978831417057989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0894219578828923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07388399446023826,0.0,0.4469078152432347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3533474220606628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07467306095854953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06715531297591998,0.07178966902466262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17169229547426704,0.08775355731070461,0.0,0.052081495567921035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18192126109133627,0.0,0.0,0.09298220870465188,0.0,0.07714126197240898,0.1967402444802806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689655264215666,0.0,0.0,0.05751725783793494 ptsd,missrosepetal,2019/07/01,"Forgetting about sexual assault: misdiagnosed with PTSD? I went for my first therapy/diagnosis appointment today. The psichiatrist I went to, told me after talking for 20-30 minutes, he thinks that I might have been sexually assaulted by my ex-stepdad as a child\[11/12 years old\]. PTSD seems to be a feeld he is working in. &#x200B; Do you think it is possible, that he misdiagnosed me? I always thought I might have bipolar d. or borderline. He said he sees huge red flags in my history and would do a trauma therapy with me. I cannot remember anything like that. &#x200B; I was so confused and scared after the appointment. I cried a lot and feel scared I might really have been sexually assaulted but have forgotten it completely. &#x200B; Please help me.",5.134298642533938,8.00326641176471,5.75617647058824,72.42683257918556,72.38235294117645,10.36108597285068,33.990950226244344,10.389873798559362,4.533433936651584,616,32,99,21,13,199,87,136,0.14800000000000002,0.785,0.066,-0.7237,0,0,0,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,0,2,2,8,3,3,6,0,17,1,0,0,0,20,27,7,0,1,2,0,1,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,5,5,0,0,6,0,0,2,1,7,0,1,8,4,17,1,13,14,1,11,0,0,2,0,10,3,0,7,7,66,22,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09223984225023248,0.3603324831596113,0.4041011317270765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09122382576888743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1162288566867196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176848652943807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05605137687102433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942927993493239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430344904171278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05415791972184138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09424454997558383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35279738731832005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11632317256606943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12168497560797464,0.0,0.12497181678203803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2591660068028396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0710162450587372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12557656305068332,0.0,0.10544803536696767,0.0,0.2219694294782172,0.0,0.08833670124423901,0.1009177929598277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08910066527900869,0.0,0.0,0.12677180639114438,0.0,0.0,0.14206220252277887,0.0,0.08800610749283926,0.0,0.0,0.10507712449353036,0.10592624584983497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2055265040502872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070341191568894,0.0,0.0,0.07874787149488494,0.0,0.4041011317270765,0.07138667733129815 ptsd,MaraJade87,2019/07/01,"Need tips for grounding Hey, &#x200B; I need tips for grounding' I'm also autistic and sadly my trauma is also kind of interlinked into a lot of my coping mechanisms. General advice would be great.",4.134166666666665,7.20772075,5.292222222222224,73.15000000000003,77.6111111111111,6.933333333333335,28.44444444444445,8.07648339933343,2.765911111111111,161,7,22,3,4,53,28,36,0.141,0.7559999999999999,0.10300000000000001,-0.128,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,7,6,3,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,2,5,4,1,3,0,1,0,0,1,3,0,1,0,16,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26728219840197803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43747034187760464,0.0,0.2963606019729143,0.3323587526898709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3015585933639328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2848307159738519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2325383322523703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.40562568698786267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943019379962939,0.0,0.3323587526898709,0.0 ptsd,peachyymilk_,2019/07/01,"Alone now My abusive mother and step mother are gone and so are my bullies. I'm comfortable where I am but I can't help feeling unsatisfied. Maybe its the abuse that made me not notice how starved I was for affection, but I feel as if no one cares about me. I just feel so alone and I'm so desperate for motherly love. I have a story of when i was young 5 or 6 if i remember. I fell in the backyard and I sprained my ankle really bad and scraped my knee really badly. I was bleeding and I called for help multiple times to my parents in the livingroom. the door was open and they could clearly hear me. They ignored me after my 20th time calling them and I was completely broken. I was confused why they would ignore me like that. As if they wanted me to just die.",2.147142857142857,3.9941566942675166,3.8154185623293912,87.68179936305735,77.59872611464971,7.288262056414922,25.22702456778889,8.192908349453996,1.5488820746132843,599,22,126,11,14,200,95,157,0.284,0.565,0.151,-0.9790000000000001,1,4,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,5,0,10,9,0,1,5,0,13,4,1,3,1,32,24,21,1,6,9,4,3,1,0,1,2,1,2,0,3,9,0,2,4,0,0,3,3,5,0,1,8,4,31,4,12,14,0,13,0,0,0,1,15,4,0,5,7,90,34,0,0.0,0.3844877961406013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3360914425559142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2709498360814355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3313579850050197,0.0,0.16542828481026128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011973647144238,0.0,0.0,0.1295462389354701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16839354490800768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2461207758722543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18287151760169865,0.0,0.2175102385110141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07926887774311138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644014327492202,0.15352821074761064,0.0,0.0,0.1630054766249348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18472671634870036,0.0,0.0,0.10994718931735664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18016334076209733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20788752877690764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1838016171040309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922267326501852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0957013343016927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14640857155249046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1152602505805044,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,donttelltho,2019/07/01,"I can’t tell what’s real I go through times (even in the same day) when I lose touch with reality and other times when I feel I am more capable of controlling what I can think about. My trauma has been weird to come face to face with and it’s gotten to the point of affecting my personal, social, work/education. I’ve been in bed for i can’t tell how long now and it feels more natural than any of the thoughts in my head. I also feel I have come to many realisations of just how naive I was all along and not only that but also the hard reality that we must face. I don’t know what exactly I’m thinking anymore or how I managed to get myself here because months passed by with me only thinking it’s been a couple of weeks. Thoughts are scattered Feel free to share your thoughts",5.5087037037037065,4.94970554938272,6.289259259259263,82.0316666666667,67.58024691358024,9.669135802469137,30.34567901234568,9.150863307647796,2.205279012345679,617,20,135,10,9,204,99,162,0.055,0.871,0.07400000000000001,0.7044,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,1,1,0,2,12,5,0,0,5,0,13,4,4,5,3,36,30,13,0,1,4,0,6,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,9,11,0,1,11,0,1,4,4,3,0,0,8,6,19,3,23,21,4,17,0,1,0,0,7,4,0,1,9,91,28,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2453844122669307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10433280625257256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215425169057875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352515175788638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2643204187114428,0.0,0.0,0.1720767838919035,0.0,0.16975947702392405,0.0,0.09894505268348401,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10133435241277003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103008324949069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08015711233042587,0.0,0.08719374726882764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743674771144382,0.0,0.1574561173972618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08431719179132707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577440363072524,0.0,0.17164093688209894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555466999044451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12246066353335786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2333699978596513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13396292401676846,0.0,0.0,0.14503419384923955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17462880381873033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15639528531108596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26819668497420496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2949215222467608,0.0,0.3654018412763732,0.17892420753476762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12306656439065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1116936697212663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Whozurdaddi,2019/07/01,"I’m terrified to go to bed every Sunday because I’m afraid that the week ahead of me is going to be a a nightmare. Title says it all. I had a pretty complex and traumatic childhood and life. Every Sunday is like a reoccurring episode of a terrifying TV show. Sometimes I can’t get to sleep and it starts a very bad cycle for my mental health. Any pointers?",2.160357142857144,4.352071305555562,4.3186507936507965,82.42000000000003,79.0,6.336507936507938,25.563492063492063,7.447530270364453,1.4942158730158726,282,11,53,4,7,97,53,72,0.2,0.725,0.075,-0.8883,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,7,0,5,3,1,0,1,5,11,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,3,3,0,0,1,2,0,2,1,2,0,0,1,1,4,1,8,9,1,8,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,31,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17988723104480658,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2208687501699784,0.16125302469142272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4457503173913486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382042859152204,0.0,0.3006732460092977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2811795185851955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.186843035387795,0.12923438676106594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2665807022398305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691187590059234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21036225388609467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647177439610069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2616236761026086,0.0,0.18723336397409213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21826223587626087,0.0,0.0,0.2121873674981838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Gemini_Incognito,2019/07/01,"I'm not an idiot (venting, poss NSFW) Obviously, I know it's not the same place. It's just the name that's the same. I can't help that I can't look at it. I can't help that I start to panic every time we drive by. &#x200B; I trusted you enough to tell you about it. And your response was ""but it's not the same thing."" I'm not an idiot. I know. I can't write about it any more, it's making me sick.",-2.3280602006688973,-0.5525424347826053,0.6373913043478261,103.09757525083613,98.34782608695652,3.2655518394648837,12.511705685618727,4.713530739802397,-1.6555428093645483,304,5,81,1,13,105,49,92,0.11800000000000001,0.792,0.08900000000000001,-0.3408,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,1,3,0,0,3,4,2,1,6,0,5,1,0,1,1,17,12,2,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,11,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,8,3,0,0,1,1,13,1,6,11,5,5,0,0,1,0,9,2,0,0,2,53,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27941040390475924,0.3133496581939259,0.17536569387472292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664566217507989,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2172731028494771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3457000022792626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28344570370816746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.216552338205985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17213538180080626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30256394375401363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2694273328777364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1825271788281448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2253964953340945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17132249973601882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15037057341945007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3133496581939259,0.0 ptsd,elle_zweig,2019/07/01,"I lost a friend and confident, and it feels absolutely crushing. I have only ever had one friend who also has PTSD. I've had other friends, but I don't feel like I can connect to them on the same level that I connected with Brandon. It felt like we didn't have a certain type of wall between us, that isolated me from most other people in my life. Now Brandon is gone. He didn't pass away, but he betrayed me in a way that I can't forgive while maintaining self respect. I've lost friends before, but this loss cuts deeper than most, for a few reasons. First, he tried to manipulate me, in such a way that is so transparent that it's insulting to my intelligence. Second, I trusted him, and shared extremely personal information with him. I hate being vulnerable, and it makes me feel stupid when I place trust in the wrong people. Third, I'm in an extremely stressful situation right now. I just moved to a new city where I know no one, I've had some recent bad luck with dating, and I just started a new career. Added stress could not have come at a worse time. Finally, and selfishly, I feel like I lost the only person who understands me. Our traumas are very different, and we rarely discussed them, but it was nice to know that I had someone if I needed something. Thanks to anyone who actually read this stream of consciousness rant, typing it made me feel just a little bit better.",6.14892657992565,6.374067245353164,6.627098048327137,77.49447606877327,66.1375464684015,9.84767657992565,31.682388475836433,9.673873057562805,2.8346373605947948,1095,40,209,21,16,357,161,269,0.266,0.59,0.14400000000000002,-0.9908,2,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,4,0,2,6,11,31,4,2,13,0,19,1,0,4,2,47,40,16,0,3,9,0,6,3,4,0,1,0,0,3,19,13,0,0,13,1,0,4,6,14,0,5,13,6,32,17,23,25,6,33,0,4,0,0,26,14,0,5,16,142,51,4,0.0,0.0,0.1039343347421052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08517268058371212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07447135867619825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10006574124590446,0.0,0.0889279264110664,0.0,0.0,0.09062862405353757,0.0,0.0,0.09419575906441477,0.1162767908918262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917453492122112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08503624559803331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11127593263960048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09634062851427576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2692627604865836,0.1521755846369199,0.10226230732357236,0.1166719401327136,0.0,0.09059381183526848,0.0,0.0,0.3291445865608236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10515246556512382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170656469628754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07522822349743429,0.1561001186472439,0.1067468302832193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3487911123530901,0.0,0.0,0.100778399609607,0.0710934742424614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11319885100866887,0.0,0.07897272973085777,0.0,0.20572800504203054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14434222514574738,0.16200497906036188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1476754761859876,0.1859935801452371,0.11127593263960048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449962572122275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653466051094992,0.0,0.0,0.10950574051933222,0.10516166657688128,0.0,0.0,0.0909554041567492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11110881763503487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197170249144524,0.0,0.0,0.0902420513521808,0.08199339789599161,0.0,0.0,0.07538538068590776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24400415635445785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0980562665971101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06210441093737856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07231047312717992,0.0,0.0,0.1108763340278499,0.12811341001969112,0.0,0.0,0.08787847097147741,0.0,0.16907875435446684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10853854849865244,0.0,0.11644741485330012,0.0,0.0 ptsd,EdgyLikeACircle,2019/03/11,"How to deal with people asking the wrong questions about your PTSD? So ive experienced this a couple of times lately, and I'm wondering whether I should have said something/should say something in the future... I have to see a person at this place for employment advice/support finding a job with my mental health issues. I've told him in the past that I have PTSD, anxiety, and depression (because I have to, I'm on benefits and if I don't do this I may lose them). A couple of appointments ago when I saw him... he asked why I had PTSD, right, which I get why he'd be curious, but it's hard to talk about, you know? So I try and be purposefully evasive, because honestly it gives me anxiety when anyone even mentions it, by simply saying ""it was from a medical procedure"". He wouldn't accept it though, and was staring me directly and unblinkingly in the eyes and demanding I tell him exactly why. Not super forceful, but enough that it was making me more and more anxious and uncomfortable until I eventually just gave in described it to him. He seemed to drop it after that, (and then proceeded to ask me ""so why are you feeling anxious right now?"" Which I just... *facepalm* are you aware how triggers work, asshole?!) I get that he's not a therapist. I get that his job is probably more focussed on helping people overcome physical health issues as they search for jobs, rather than mental, but like... thats not okay, right? I've been sitting on it for a while and honestly I don't wanna go to that place anyway, but I have to, but... yeah. Should I maybe say something? To him, or someone else? (The other person I see there is just as bad honestly though so I dont hold out much hope trying to speak to another person). The damage to me is already done, but if I say something it could maybe stop him doing it to someone else and triggering them too? Idk.. He did it again last time I saw him, just with my anxiety though, staring at me and demanding I tell him ""why I'm anxious"", but you can't always put that shit into words, right?? Ugh idk",3.779187903225804,5.322688407500003,4.841258064516129,83.33522580645163,72.425,8.061290322580644,27.653225806451612,8.654491914285503,2.0477693548387093,1593,59,312,29,31,522,196,400,0.154,0.7809999999999999,0.066,-0.9865,4,0,4,0,0,0,77.0,0,5,3,3,24,16,1,0,13,2,32,5,2,5,1,60,56,40,0,9,19,0,2,1,0,4,3,6,0,3,26,18,0,2,7,0,0,2,8,7,0,0,12,16,50,9,43,36,5,38,0,3,7,0,45,17,1,8,18,218,76,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06398205295816804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07965097836311742,0.0,0.060058451524195824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568564899644965,0.16564949901647133,0.24462412182872104,0.0,0.05046901772302344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2024319929705416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06026619057168181,0.08799891798938908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05762881008854459,0.15972869346656995,0.0,0.0,0.0744130592040906,0.06216739923889391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386385895177057,0.08459288617731804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12059206611007167,0.0,0.0,0.0745798805179052,0.0,0.04767334347964455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03649571398377323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0659700142967144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131311581160294,0.06924037566894396,0.04102081242787221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06465792817902519,0.0,0.0,0.1534451427725105,0.0,0.0,0.04837985390571301,0.0,0.0,0.07168972450923776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1506715978141019,0.21487863501376145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039667519945590014,0.05883526525496769,0.08142070529398926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03526286165409506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08074949061516004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048179835514144564,0.0,0.14502638954250666,0.0,0.0,0.07271243578039076,0.14547828419868644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05305964154449818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06890272602522526,0.10007922988611448,0.1890709420288587,0.1508227355150667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07782083484942909,0.0,0.25311907538927714,0.07255951852836269,0.08085665076705638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465608247783388,0.0686584621776362,0.2295975627521999,0.0,0.0,0.11503414056350746,0.06570876780084008,0.0,0.0,0.07409038722268696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12231353825187675,0.1667000438212616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603446161144963,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0819075211419386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05801449629451697,0.1261747115212831,0.0,0.0,0.0838050213269874,0.0,0.0,0.2127455869876041,0.0,0.08417594823010141,0.0,0.0,0.06896983067527232,0.0,0.0980091840591663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3256502016062542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07827470949486973,0.05254694537775402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0789160658339084,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nightmaresandirl,2019/03/11,"Awful nightmares make me worry I've been having a lot of nightmares lately. Usually my nightmares are related to the situation that happened and the way people in my life have been reacting to it. Last night was the second time I had a nightmare about him. My mom and I were arguing and arguing over and over again and at some point he came up to me and cut my throat. That's the simplest way to describe what it was about. I had been having suicidal thoughts, feeling like I was worthless and that I'd never amount to anything beyond what I am now, because of my health. The other dream was about him dragging me into my room by my sides away from everyone I love in the living room. In real life he never hurt me and I was never the victim but he hurt someone I love very badly and it tore the family apart. He still lives with us when my sister is away and she'll be gone for two weeks. I just feel overwhelmed and confused. I'm really jumpy all of the time and I'm worried something is going on. I dont really know what else to say. I just needed to vent. That dream really disturbed me.",3.0800201106083454,4.723451755656113,4.362134238310709,85.65631347410763,74.42986425339366,7.083056812468579,24.494972347913524,7.793537801064563,1.2829123177476114,862,27,171,12,18,284,126,221,0.134,0.765,0.10099999999999999,-0.8253,0,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,1,0,0,0,10,14,4,3,11,1,21,6,1,2,4,33,35,14,1,1,3,2,2,1,0,1,3,1,2,0,11,15,0,0,4,2,0,3,4,11,0,2,14,3,28,3,29,19,4,36,0,4,0,2,15,17,0,3,15,126,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10289416115547127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23495130266931935,0.0,0.10440002689140412,0.07622092351746852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1430081338119738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654152698151926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10445172347343648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11947747333771926,0.0,0.0,0.1178730270040599,0.0,0.12644414671589524,0.08932590564898492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07106096934206127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1105691227173969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13290766248740507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2677077344185185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06871664045380756,0.10192121347832038,0.1410463104034942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17663356997262336,0.061086384754593125,0.0,0.22081855866095254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063013289727638,0.2257001534599627,0.0,0.08346265253512855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14644091802820114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271277809265488,0.2893069398172661,0.0,0.0,0.11733802898030116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08668437636649674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11819964992324565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14231860039395314,0.2403042265156448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09943382640479044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14054595811279808,0.0,0.0,0.1059427894939732,0.09625899636622902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09985409250624934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367693382853138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09926479766344457,0.14581925911476748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12214222543694025,0.0,0.15040318593935878,0.0,0.13770973920458554,0.10316798223978403,0.0,0.19849587428561494,0.1002965193391025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2539607161178977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bellawych,2019/03/11,"EMDR Therapy Hello all, I recently became acquainted with a psychiatrist instead of a therapist for once. She wants to try EMDR therapy and the whole concept sounds very abstract to me. Can anyone tell me about any experience they’ve had with it, or perhaps people they know? I am unfamiliar with it. Thanks in advance. ",4.556315789473687,7.595652614035089,6.1255263157894735,68.06618421052629,75.49122807017544,9.4140350877193,32.30701754385965,9.725611199111238,4.207259649122808,257,13,38,8,6,87,47,57,0.0,0.946,0.054000000000000006,0.4404,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,0,3,0,3,0,0,0,1,8,6,2,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,1,6,1,9,5,2,3,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,28,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17147814476694798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17631685253530438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2466618695034757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385811054035479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2685432632274917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1748167055134413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2489785924119167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22039985132139714,0.23215599399680176,0.5767362189578876,0.2927783866950062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17120078448626386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080592550308631,0.14873110650311352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2815287805315637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,idontwanna92,2019/03/11,Nightmares Does anybody else have recurring nightmares related to their trauma? How long do they last? Will CPT help to make them go away? Is there anything else I can do to make them stop?,3.265285714285717,6.1851497428571465,2.6567857142857183,91.5994642857143,80.14285714285714,5.785714285714287,25.892857142857146,7.1686216300943375,1.3011428571428572,151,6,28,2,4,44,28,35,0.15,0.782,0.068,-0.504,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,3,0,4,9,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,5,0,4,8,0,6,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,0,4,17,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2626264640662006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2998441755823088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2792830923141107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5332039543040782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1813756087016788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2139139849186588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601431180210788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28243040213313825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4260591868525317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26681678962065425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,AnxietyVentsOnline,2019/03/11,"Do I Need a Diagnosis? I'm 18, turning 19 in June. I was abused emotionally and sexually (and in a weird way physically) by my first ever boyfriend when I was 16. Drove me to self harm, suicidal ideation, blah blah you know. I have flashbacks, I had recurring nightmares for a while, and randomly sometimes start thinking about it and freaking myself out. I still get triggered by things that remind me of it, and I avoid going to the part of town where he lived, even though he doesn't live there now. I'm 90% sure I have PTSD. &#x200B; I also have anxiety and ADHD. Back when all this was happening, I was in therapy because I thought these were the source of my problems. It didn't help because I was actually just being abused and didn't know it because of gaslighting. This means i don't have an awesome relationship with therapy as an experience. I'm doing a lot better now. My boyfriend and I are able to have sex, and we're working on slowly ironing out sexual triggers one by one. I'm doing great in school, and I have friends and my family life is good. To an onlooker, my life is going fine and there's no reason for me to do therapy. But I still get panic attacks, I still get flashbacks, I still respond to (fairly commonplace) triggers, and I still fall apart if I can't see my friends on a given day. I'm only okay because my life is very safe. I'm lik LONG STORY SHORT: Do I \*need\* a diagnosis? What if something happens and I can't legally use that excuse? Some of the stories I've seen here scare me, and I want to be sure I'm okay.",3.2362379421221834,4.8486381800643095,4.590217363344053,84.31000771704183,73.95176848874598,7.548347266881031,28.838713826366558,8.238735603445708,1.9896946881028943,1218,51,246,20,25,404,168,311,0.151,0.747,0.102,-0.9371,0,2,1,0,2,0,49.0,0,1,0,3,20,19,1,3,12,2,30,4,0,5,4,45,59,24,1,6,4,0,0,2,2,0,3,0,0,1,11,18,0,2,6,0,0,4,7,8,0,3,13,2,36,11,28,44,4,35,0,0,2,1,10,12,0,5,18,163,47,3,0.0961670898826492,0.2278845523040595,0.09384520745597516,0.0,0.11557415394112787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690478703494197,0.0,0.10419700170966466,0.11685354021994313,0.0,0.0,0.07356756053932652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109403947873372,0.0,0.0739465560795578,0.0,0.2344902616072222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505197606553712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06201981726946008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10817503238155007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06351745589406434,0.08698863846865583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0940698669230094,0.09065777368953863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08179967752720077,0.0,0.0,0.14859691018110813,0.0,0.15073000594026922,0.0,0.10930794670353114,0.08066039237689034,0.0,0.1060245560952718,0.0,0.0,0.1700804799730703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445877323308549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057018352256638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2037769787485202,0.0,0.0,0.16983460445828066,0.08510484834430826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08175782085055038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10475415323065193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14261335723842608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1303306178566623,0.07313940531079126,0.0,0.11283135962025947,0.0,0.10413958692841242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09201891736851847,0.11241418182923324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09887578500556593,0.0,0.10324746500525682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09628003345700377,0.09732622907713803,0.07663271984137182,0.0,0.10032324801059056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07403412409058724,0.0951117108800612,0.0,0.06806756118823434,0.0,0.3839958110218893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10519118778133067,0.0,0.18127268824727275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3299263449773918,0.0,0.06388914137922662,0.06161998813990309,0.09448367754271836,0.07634592739864432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10460217871729656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830574890044982,0.0,0.07934792058558515,0.056721841216170125,0.07633295973926492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07001078677908128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11685354021994313,0.0 ptsd,bugboy_69,2019/03/11,"im terrified of everything I was trafficked at 14. I'm scared to sleep because of the nightmares. I'm scared of seeing him and anyone who looks like him in public so I rarely go out. I'm scared he'll come for me even though I know he doesn't know where I live now. im scared he'll kill me if he ever sees me in public. he doesn't have much time in jail and he said he would. I hope he dies in there. I keep trying to tell myself he loved me, as if that'll make it better. it makes it worse. i know what love is and it's not being forced to be a slave, being told I'd get my legs cut off if I tried to run, being held at gunpoint so I'd stop fighting. It's only been a year since I got out but I'm so exhausted, I can't cope anymore. I don't know how. I don't know what to do and I can't afford therapy and I just want help",-0.8245559210526316,0.6870460729166687,1.8104276315789496,100.08128289473686,85.66666666666666,4.875438596491228,15.313596491228068,5.750287758089431,-0.9850354166666664,634,10,169,4,19,219,107,192,0.13699999999999998,0.7659999999999999,0.09699999999999999,-0.7425,1,0,0,1,2,1,16.0,0,0,0,1,11,13,3,4,3,0,17,5,2,3,1,29,45,15,2,6,6,0,0,1,0,4,1,1,0,0,9,8,0,3,5,0,0,3,7,8,0,0,6,4,22,5,19,31,1,18,0,0,3,2,21,10,0,4,6,91,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635754738837898,0.08908878423760751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07766860711381751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11268473953691145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10975335707663086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13223257747851652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415381164048089,0.11525060935630516,0.0,0.0,0.11450885630902292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06656702660142984,0.0,0.07241064860216083,0.0,0.10190227377611218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08540095608175105,0.0,0.0,0.1265479434116951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2752516439616661,0.0,0.0,0.11324881528411065,0.1409614740272818,0.0,0.350108966363092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062246614165211864,0.0,0.11250631115842064,0.0,0.10699321147004344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2299869345009003,0.0,0.17009576030503762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09366179827839563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969018618800866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12119710664071424,0.0,0.5102428418287485,0.0,0.2030602573813475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539575567228714,0.0,0.12750308709624608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10652136156937976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11136289309861136,0.0,0.1457056652099229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12518073167620186,0.0,0.07429442089623332,0.0,0.0,0.12174673970582615,0.0,0.17300750927767314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07515035157528897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12984276775052353,0.09050917019061464,0.0,0.0,0.0820485532531586 ptsd,marsatehisson,2019/03/11,"PTSD and the Police My parents are Mexican but moved to the US in the 80s. We used to take trips to Tijuana regularly because it was about 4 hrs away from our home. My first negative experience with figures of authority involved border agents sending us to secondary revision because my father didn't understand English very well and responded incorrectly to one of the questions. They asked if we brought anything from Mexico and he said no but because we had grocery bags in the back that was enough to cause suspicion. We were let go eventually but I still remember the dread of the event. Recently, I've had to deal with police officers coming to my residence looking for someone claiming to have an arrest warrant. The three times they were here I felt insulted, violated, subhuman. The police have insulted my disability. They've forced their way into my home while claiming to be willing to talk outside. They've threatened to break down doors. I've reached out to friends in activist circles and they've helped me deal with some of the trauma and given me information about organizations to reach out to. I've only been able to sleep sporadically. I'm afraid to open doors or go outside. I haven't been taking my meds. Everytime I feel like I'm making progress, something gets in the way of my recovery. It's not fair. I wish I had super powers so I could protect myself, my family, my community. I'm still that scared child in the back of my parent's car who's unable to stand up for herself or her parents. God, please help me.",4.35491987179487,6.803314951388893,5.282777777777781,76.9169230769231,73.0972222222222,8.45854700854701,31.21581196581197,9.162432508145574,3.1077212606837605,1238,58,214,29,26,404,172,288,0.16,0.7290000000000001,0.111,-0.9639,4,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,7,0,3,4,9,11,3,3,13,0,18,1,1,3,0,37,38,13,0,3,7,4,2,1,1,1,0,1,4,1,5,17,0,1,7,0,0,8,5,7,1,3,14,4,34,4,44,20,2,33,0,0,1,0,34,12,0,5,10,141,39,1,0.11537645957355193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0949449955175669,0.0,0.1078614150240817,0.0,0.10839998173015312,0.17743475129646835,0.0,0.21099725661136945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11852340589052945,0.0,0.09938660379270667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09211871470152028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2378961273139859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1192147248111936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128603164697637,0.10876665784399968,0.0,0.058337804635112074,0.08242496577265218,0.11077949463560537,0.0,0.0,0.09813915757317156,0.0,0.0,0.0891395664628437,0.0,0.06027943813942389,0.0,0.13114220165440765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15466881764152565,0.0,0.2314639923475532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11798024690825312,0.0,0.05636711025755625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09688716773791199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07701468267823723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281572368252609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12262691734886093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781820749732819,0.08774899656807282,0.0,0.0,0.3843357134189779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266487057112086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1348689070360912,0.0,0.12924803986559347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11392033470908755,0.0,0.13069903740021574,0.0,0.10974943399784017,0.0,0.11551196361923442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545978307282025,0.0,0.0977580997859076,0.08882243536353597,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18427957930657432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17349747764350484,0.09273522782260836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06727694141024805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12011096338545538,0.27756734987640985,0.09964821680787073,0.0,0.0951976623485196,0.0,0.18316092655468533,0.0,0.0,0.1037372933123852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1326772345076774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,cyanide240,2019/03/11,"What should i do with my life? (Note: I'm not diagnosed with PTSD nor has I had a traumatic event that may cause it, that I know of, I suffer from an irrational fear or anxiety of socializing with people of my age so I'm looking for some advice, from people that may understand what I'm going for, so thank you in advance)(sorry if my sentences don't make sense I'm still learning English) Ever since first grade I've felt anxious of starting every year of school, as of right now I'm on my last year, and next year I'll start university, so I don't know what to do (to give you a bit of context I'm on my bed feeling like vomiting, because in a few hours I'll have my first day of school). I've talked with my therapist and she helped me a lot, but she hasn't been able to help me a lot with my socializing problem, and I don't know what to do because, in the morning what every year happens will happen again I'll feel like vomiting my insides and I won't be able to go(sorry I'm not asking you to give me the advice of my life that make me change from day to night, I'm looking for someone that is able to understand and not tell me something like: everything will be alright or what is it your so scarred of?. So thank you",6.936860465116278,4.8155093914728715,7.476395348837213,79.7543604651163,65.55038759689923,10.925581395348836,34.678294573643406,9.516144504307137,2.8416992248062014,965,34,214,15,12,321,120,258,0.05,0.848,0.102,0.9192,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,5,0,2,9,9,0,1,8,1,21,5,0,3,1,37,51,16,0,3,7,0,3,3,0,6,5,0,1,0,13,10,0,0,9,0,0,1,9,3,0,2,3,5,29,6,35,40,5,27,0,1,2,0,16,6,0,8,23,134,42,4,0.2947864759208241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19204128835957868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07517028240445464,0.11100827005204662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09186185391227236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11979939974145774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10727682755921818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1009423044808926,0.10394833474414003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1267419265948292,0.0,0.0,0.09973402261768882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08888374810487805,0.16558021333316514,0.0,0.08831169220531372,0.0,0.0,0.11057224697654727,0.09936859971208184,0.1403970115326398,0.09434708185887697,0.0,0.0,0.1671634838843413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18852403262532685,0.11168929841520517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17378580473966507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13172610731833562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.096768432856122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1620069378337243,0.08009677416743324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13881093720979001,0.14401778189486528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1650309306015833,0.0,0.0,0.1670779467758316,0.0,0.0,0.13118150782109994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10450292047381708,0.09221237942271997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624521688311628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09402361522435,0.11486320509230433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08391534658348132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1988931010204756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08128347304036478,0.0,0.0,0.2003317925766662,0.08325720814314751,0.07564701037600599,0.0,0.2199928835127399,0.13910092327628273,0.0,0.0784722868205282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07897940101063748,0.0858854577315596,0.18093318747719864,0.0,0.11408993973657447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20458874509134845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531104340516685 ptsd,hopiluck,2019/03/11,"How to deal with the pain of something that should have never happened? I was sexually assaulted by my therapist. It's been a year. It's not the first one sexual assault I've experienced but for whatever reason, this one brought the trauma of other ones so now I react to everything related to them too. I guess I just need some advice at how this can get easier. I am starting EMDR therapy on Monday so I've got that going for me. ",2.7302325581395337,4.897924523255817,5.204825581395351,76.89351744186051,77.02325581395348,8.951162790697676,25.86627906976745,9.516144504307137,2.737516279069768,343,13,63,10,8,121,66,86,0.12300000000000001,0.8340000000000001,0.043,-0.6956,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,1,1,7,4,2,0,4,0,6,1,0,4,1,13,14,5,0,2,3,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,1,0,0,1,0,0,2,2,4,0,4,4,1,8,0,11,9,1,10,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,2,6,51,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2277400565427762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2402709568715015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20945610132096615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19823768938909272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12176237120766603,0.0,0.13245134602864753,0.0,0.18639652572623192,0.0,0.2567379444291614,0.0,0.20609104081637508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17280839771994078,0.17974749452953026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737752272672381,0.0,0.2479884845888728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2396208365188019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.179418234146254,0.0,0.0,0.1649585482512356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26652035099265586,0.27059649045802103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15008070674510884 ptsd,ooh_meesh,2019/03/11,"PTSD anniversary and mother’s/sister’s birthday My PTSD stems from some actions I took as a depressed and closed off 12 year old. I did these actions on mother’s day, my mom’s birthday, and my sister’s 16th birthday (all the same day that year). It’ll be the 14 year anniversary this May. Whenever I think about my PTSD in the form of how meaningful that day could’ve been vs. something that ruined a good portion of all our lives, I want to cry. I’m on a ferry right now but I want to cry typing this out. I’ve been told over the years by them and my father that no one thinks about those times anymore. Life has moved on and so have they. I’m the only one who can’t. It’s a reason to support my lifelong hatred for myself. It’s a comfort to have something to back up these feelings about myself. As sad as it makes me, at least I know what I’m capable of: terrible, hurtful things. ",2.58344262295082,4.136721114754103,3.5472349726775967,91.3601967213115,75.55737704918033,6.191475409836067,24.22185792349727,6.742157984588678,0.6960421857923493,696,22,149,6,15,223,110,183,0.168,0.746,0.086,-0.9612,0,0,2,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,2,0,7,8,0,0,10,0,10,1,0,3,2,24,23,11,0,2,2,4,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,0,16,7,0,0,6,0,0,4,2,5,0,2,5,1,18,3,26,15,7,26,0,4,0,0,9,11,0,2,11,98,34,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13751079682974954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10661891540761163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070658231778738,0.0,0.3046170964429083,0.2682674894528085,0.0,0.11942534108805808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010930397804875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11629917615532935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14843552206330193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620243339141687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979377612295742,0.0,0.0,0.12243694829101287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0925548335669064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16239376995333907,0.0,0.14737078088687375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14549752602672406,0.0,0.1879155684455553,0.10545513518444992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4862489389027905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14256281179650399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11841258826412318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2134903484943513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15734667639005107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921177580311924,0.17769201572654628,0.0,0.0,0.08085219465398888,0.0,0.0,0.13249300524103055,0.15405337735240832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635673521802501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3571630557814271 ptsd,harlotcharlotte,2019/03/11,"Need Some Encouragement Trigger warning\*\*\* &#x200B; &#x200B; I was raped repeatedly by a neighbor when I was 6-7. What made it worse was that he was 11 and so seven years later when it finally clicked for me that all those sexual impulsive memories coming up was rape, I told my mom and her first response was ""oh you were kids. You were experimenting."" He repeatedly threatened me and forced himself on me. It's crazy because he was a kid, but then again child killers exist, so it's not entirely crazy. &#x200B; Anyway, I'm 23 now and I've been in therapy for two years. I was also raped two years ago, which is why I started therapy, but I noticed the childhood abuse left more of a scarring on my psyche. Now, I've had several breakdowns and my insomnia has worsened to the point where I'm not sleeping. Period. My family is cold as hell and my estranged mom called me and when I told her I was struggling with the memories she said, ""It happened a long time ago. You need to get over it and move on."" Woof. Lots of tears on that one. I live with my sister and grandparents and they're all narcissists so there's no love or compassion there. I have one friend who knows, but I don't want to keep burdening her with all my shit, because she's a STEM major and they have a shit ton of stress on their shoulders. I feel so alone. &#x200B; Also, I think some of the reason why this is all coming to the surface is because I've finally felt ok to start a relationship. There's a guy I've been texting and talking to on the phone a lot (we talk for hours) and he's coming back to school next quarter which I'm excited and nervous about. I haven't texted him lately (not ignoring him) bc I've been so shitty, but it makes me feel worse because he hasn't messaged me on his own. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but it all adds to this huge shadow that is getting bigger and bigger and just blocking everything out. &#x200B; I guess what I need is some love and encouragement from you strong, beautiful people. Anything helps! &#x200B; Summary: I'm a survivor and everything has been coming to the surface finally. Need some love <3",3.506630695443647,5.545012223021583,4.321264988009592,84.7124490407674,74.25179856115108,7.511031175059952,27.890287769784173,8.344100000000001,2.0045870503597127,1695,68,327,30,36,544,206,417,0.19699999999999998,0.682,0.121,-0.9867,1,1,0,0,1,0,79.0,1,4,2,2,21,20,6,3,17,1,30,11,4,4,5,67,64,36,0,5,10,3,3,0,2,0,1,1,1,4,20,28,0,3,6,0,0,5,7,11,0,7,21,6,45,9,34,42,15,53,1,0,1,6,46,19,3,8,29,216,65,2,0.0,0.07045560170013289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10542322249092764,0.0,0.0,0.06158719483227329,0.0,0.09510733376851,0.0,0.3865779778354949,0.4335345983084493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04893414241609344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04572446047405957,0.0,0.1449958086875036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0607198107352541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20489329417449176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10688555414723114,0.058167602927897,0.056057753186959984,0.0,0.060133984412661885,0.0,0.05709515849393649,0.19542106240361076,0.0,0.050580396440089055,0.0,0.0,0.04594205535977471,0.0,0.06213539944042443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06550675126641704,0.058879114498821876,0.052584181037253236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039857740308170575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05856046527643924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05285469948932578,0.0,0.0,0.032680084395083325,0.0,0.06707844413173585,0.0,0.06460825503590611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05250816312747091,0.0526241312723678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1011090291724804,0.16100685396602818,0.05626666216585004,0.03969295516591838,0.0,0.059739992016948025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13928799570089925,0.0,0.0632012567369644,0.0,0.17636842503133232,0.0,0.0,0.06324107423329317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770062447276251,0.0,0.0,0.08058924581065298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04122513435878127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05621308768081572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061139316866420414,0.0,0.06384252199115999,0.0,0.0,0.056564270755506,0.0,0.0,0.060181157182478975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717785699233016,0.12207872388407262,0.0,0.0,0.0595073540992614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08417843037256602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06811628030333765,0.062165112035874326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09559047995153727,0.0,0.0,0.13600546953612686,0.0,0.0,0.03810239261289837,0.0,0.0,0.03467417544592052,0.0,0.0,0.11364158335454927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11617617535204534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035073649459946066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731476115840644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1211986271661974,0.0,0.0,0.4335345983084493,0.1148793905221036 ptsd,Msarkari,2019/03/28,"Advice on how to help my (31F) partner (37M) who deals with ptsd. Hey all. I recently started dating this man. He is absolutely incredible. He’s gentle and sweet, he’s so smart and he makes me laugh. He suffers from ptsd pretty badly however. I have no experience with this at all. I want to make our relationship work and last but I’m at a loss on how to be supportive of him. He’s made it known he has it, he doesn’t sleep, he rarely goes to work at this point and he stays home with his dogs almost all day. I love being around him and doing anything he wants to do at all. I have never pressured him to talk to me about any of it and I won’t do that. I want him to know I’m here for him though. He’s not an angry man, just a very sad man. He works in the police force and spent some time in the military also. So basically, I’m looking for any advice on how to nurture this relationship properly and make sure he’s comfortable with me. Also, anything I should be aware of. Thank you for taking the time to read this.",0.9955592469545992,2.914309534883724,3.1116943521594687,90.98844961240309,81.55813953488372,6.327796234772979,19.540420819490585,7.447530270364453,0.38564673311184894,790,20,180,12,21,268,120,215,0.057999999999999996,0.7609999999999999,0.18100000000000002,0.9747,1,0,0,0,0,0,27.0,1,1,0,4,12,14,0,1,6,0,13,2,1,7,6,37,31,17,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,2,0,0,1,4,10,13,0,0,2,1,1,0,5,5,0,0,2,2,20,9,32,24,5,20,0,3,1,1,34,11,0,2,8,108,30,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2587105456994163,0.0,0.0,0.13255439475588018,0.0,0.0,0.21172040553230448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18003901589387875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21786661587901973,0.1178417740443214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11052755715720908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537089412498766,0.136472764852132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12948810562507848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08872814121975946,0.0,0.13278287190312835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07274981273050753,0.10790325523550884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1111616217479114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1194735641106949,0.1252563820230577,0.2650839288048568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10209572506429733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12513711875230654,0.0,0.0,0.1346729177179338,0.0,0.0,0.309478474384874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241077639006515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13070429709105624,0.2842423209775408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13247055345611594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09369567366346196,0.1410940877534621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15021752891205334,0.12476182740811015,0.0,0.09952949102710364,0.10639797362854916,0.0,0.1218730723669041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13005772005089147,0.0,0.15437780023940165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10922320035092377,0.2342345324882724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891116289373775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CandythepotatoDatz,2019/03/28,"What do I do? I am sure I have PTSD, fr, I've been struggling with too many triggers for the past couple of years. One thing that made it like this was my parents telling me that I was lying, they PRIED into my private life. They pried into every nook and cranny. And I was suffocated, I couldn't breathe, my panic attacks were getting worse, I was binge eating then purging, I loathed myself to such a degree, I cut myself, I burned myself out. I even started drinking alot recently, nothing is helping, and I don't feel like asking my parents to go to a psychiatrist is an option, considering what happened 3 years ago. I was 12 then, I had 2 suicide attempts and I was just done with everything, I was bullied, ignored, pushed away and everything was just shit.",4.412226345083488,5.904575714285716,5.114335188620903,82.197439703154,70.76870748299321,6.978107606679036,31.050711193568336,7.348242739294969,1.99627074829932,598,26,110,6,11,193,96,147,0.221,0.713,0.065,-0.9744,2,0,1,0,0,2,23.0,0,0,2,1,6,9,3,2,5,0,20,5,2,2,1,20,27,7,1,1,2,2,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,10,2,1,1,1,0,2,2,6,0,1,13,1,26,3,11,13,1,14,0,0,0,0,7,4,1,2,10,82,33,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14372785181990888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515795661652258,0.18445833079565213,0.15233642354225085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17940548110390092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16592611964495332,0.0,0.1588360526089804,0.0,0.16591030407696908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10709233184314752,0.0,0.13661044184104826,0.0,0.29144301843901843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08198315510368276,0.11583327133445022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08471176722294471,0.0,0.09214823497489576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14338039004345546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10867942105226652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114524695208864,0.15842740644409725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1534213485623647,0.0,0.164385111333421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15557827099664084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1098706613824912,0.0,0.0,0.1902370495902611,0.36007587877984826,0.0,0.15478154167100844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18953367534761686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16009427383040972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16643498768294168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11476394556296042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16950455127339867,0.0,0.17735549118405153,0.0,0.1528155891213086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14171802405908585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10771900469642846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16523511532403284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20882645054215654 ptsd,SirPotatoGallivanter,2019/03/28,"How can I accept my diagnosis? TRIGGER WARNING! I’m terribly sorry if my question makes no sense. I was recently diagnosed with ptsd. I just find it very hard to accept it. With the traumas I have endured I would just tell myself it didn’t happen or that I’m overreacting and that people have had worse. Since this seems like a safe place I’ll say what are my traumas. When I was a little boy my babysitter’s daughter groomed me to preform stuff on her. (sorry i would just feel really nasty going into more detail about this) The other thing is I’ve seen people die when I was younger. They were executed for belonging to a rival drug group. (I find it really weird that I feel more comfortable talking about witnessing the violence than I do the other thing) My head also tends to spin. (which am doing right now rambling on) Back to my main point is that I feel like I can’t have ptsd. I’m not a soldier,never killed, I just feel fake for being diagnosed with it. I’m an 18 year old boy and from the suburbs. The only reason I saw the violence was because I would spend my summers in our parents former home in their home country and just saw some fucked shit go down (Wrong place wrong time) 18 years old and being diagnosed with ptsd. I just can’t. People see and experience things way worse than what I’ve gone through everyday. I’m sorry for ranting I just can’t wrap my head around this.",3.1298225030084232,5.091400458483758,4.16179151624549,85.7815801744886,75.10108303249099,7.071540312876053,24.538056558363408,7.937092434478242,1.3662468110709989,1105,36,217,17,24,358,154,277,0.198,0.733,0.069,-0.9891,1,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,0,2,0,16,16,3,0,12,0,25,8,3,4,0,40,46,11,2,4,10,2,5,2,0,3,4,1,2,2,21,11,0,1,11,0,1,3,6,10,0,0,11,10,32,6,25,30,4,29,0,0,4,1,13,12,2,5,15,141,53,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07592657470386859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08452016930269274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07300597180923707,0.0,0.05787689899317033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2890980738977266,0.09853674238184112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010474095803097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928733184719395,0.0,0.0,0.19202588397072556,0.06782791627465534,0.0,0.0,0.173553945492345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0877740734789305,0.0,0.0,0.10791757315888917,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395854644573551,0.0,0.08505105434992594,0.0,0.19487959401658267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19047287610468527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10504131974775664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09276955348065948,0.09515869558589382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06337576727695546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19925523051536168,0.0,0.0,0.07220908782444438,0.0,0.0,0.10542392646359948,0.0,0.0,0.19746636476137205,0.0,0.19839226273967872,0.0,0.0897526411900262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3329528929279864,0.0,0.10635885795630473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12164694245660256,0.09761810631135072,0.09374561277879767,0.0,0.0,0.08108154212242351,0.0,0.07550317238042335,0.0,0.0,0.07565796814641608,0.08643332904237465,0.0,0.0,0.09745851325511508,0.07853854642216976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31884565179194946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10868801054142983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07631228244379744,0.08298512301128813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18922945577465244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055362531320616484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07833863212183083,0.0,0.07536202092826022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19351181985478916,0.2023361933117224,0.2076124241326802,0.0,0.12228147267299208 ptsd,mackdad42,2019/03/28,"A poem about my experience. Hi everyone, I've been working with my therapist on dealing with the aftermath of a traumatic event. Long story short, my father attempted suicide after battling with severe depression. He went missing one morning, and I went looking for him. I found him in his office at work with a gun pointed at his chest. I stood a foot behind him for 30 minutes, begging and pleading, and crying for him to put the gun down. Unfortunately, he shot himself through the chest while I was behind him. I developed PTSD as a consequence. I mentioned to my therapist that I like writing, and she suggested I write poetry about the experience. So I thought I would share this poem with you all. This week has been particularly hard for me, and I think writing this poem has helped a lot. &#x200B; **The World was a Different Place.** *A demon laughed* *at me while I* *begged my Father not to fire.* *The lights were off.* *Alone in the dark,* *I battled the night.* *The world was a Different place there.* *The womb of reality burst* *when the gun fired and an* *ungodly scream* *came through me* *and my Father swayed,* *a tortured tranquility in him* *before he fell to the ground.* *The pitch black pistol* *falling into the chair beside his body,* *aimed down to the hell* *that possessed him.* *The world was a Different place there.* *Grabbing the gun,* *sliding it to the other room,* *screaming for help.* *All in seconds,* *desperately racing to beat the clock* *of my Father’s mortal life.* *The world was a Different place there.* *The memory fades* *Blood leaked across the floor* *oozing into the carpet, through my jacket* *on my shirt, my jeans, and hands.* *Cradling my Father, I whispered to him,* *“I’m here. It’s gonna be okay. I’m here.”* *A ghost looked back at me.* *The world was a different place there.* *The memory fades.* *My phone buzzed- a text from the stranger who let me in.* *“Can you leave?”* *“No- he shot himself.”* *The phone rang. I answered.* *“You have to come outside. The police won’t come in till you come out.”* *My mission incomplete.* *My breath quickened, I looked to my Father again,* *trying to hear his final words.* *The world was a Different place there.* *The memory fades.* *I could not leave him,* *And yet- my legs carried me to my feet* *and out the door to a different place.* *I walked down stairs.* *I entered the garage.* *Police lights everywhere.* *A voice screamed, “He has blood on his hands!”* *My arms raised, guns drawn on me.* *I heard my own voice screaming.* *“Help him please, he shot himself, dear God help him!”* *I felt myself walk through the garage doors.* *Patted down, handcuffed, pushed against a wall.* *The handcuffs grated sharply against my skin* *But no one there to feel them.* *I could not breathe; the spirit had left me* *an empty husk alone in the desolate place* *where God could not be.* *The world was a different place there.* *The memory fades.* *Police asked where his office was.* *I could not say, could not remember.* *My heart fell.* *I could not remember. I could not remember.* *Why could I not remember?* *Why could I not remember* *when it was my Father dying?* *The world was a different place there.* *The memory fades.* *Sitting on a curb, the wind howling, the skies grey.* *The blood, dried and caked on my hands.* *Staring wordlessly at it.* *A deafening silence* *interrupted by police officers speaking to me.* *I heard and I responded* *but I did not comprehend.* *Jacket-less, I shivered as the rain began pouring.* *The memory fades.* *I came back to myself.* *The blood cried out the horror,* *the anguish, the heartbreak, the injustice.* *It cried these things to me and many more.* *I could not contain it, the story could not be held.* *I begged the police to let me clean it off.* *I heard an apology, but the blood remained.* *Rain will wash the blood away instead.* *Images and sounds and faces came and went.* *But no one witnessed them.* *Pictures, fingerprints, DNA, taken.* *Questions and questions and questions* *with no one there to answer them.* *The world was a Different place there.* *The memory fades.* *My mom, my brother, my step-father waiting.* *Mom sobbing as we embraced.* *The bullet pierced my heart again* *My father was not the only one shot that day.* *In the car, headed to the trauma center.* *The car stopped, and the dam broke.* *Blood, tears, and terror erupted from within.* *I could not contain it, the story could not be held.* *I understand now, truth at a bitter price,* *that fear is a sacred thing* *and always has been and always will be.* *The world was a Different place there.*",-0.3623880736517435,-2.765058605103276,0.6960204131227208,94.58281218805496,165.42770352369382,3.6860701000093465,17.356123002149733,5.479190571086079,0.20540063108701773,3460,122,644,55,325,1067,339,823,0.098,0.875,0.027000000000000003,-0.9941,11,2,0,6,0,1,374.0,1,4,3,4,28,25,5,3,94,1,51,28,26,0,3,106,84,35,4,14,20,11,10,1,0,5,2,15,5,0,20,40,0,7,16,0,1,20,21,18,0,6,37,34,107,7,86,22,5,118,3,5,6,1,73,68,2,5,30,442,127,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08557275269999395,0.0,0.0,0.06874914960944338,0.0447611198327187,0.05019813651871271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03862078529964204,0.0,0.038813624130099394,0.06353216702178739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03515314337998833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04588789352447045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14174845315423903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1067589003690078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4287915407287869,0.0,0.13613661451334602,0.026642575383665074,0.04259046320947326,0.035581635245647815,0.0,0.04287493625277576,0.4747803181654971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0394750204783586,0.0,0.08082137713945696,0.0,0.0464870545140361,0.02088839486448512,0.0,0.039665630911381485,0.04525485720144952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045296055803176964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03700709446384588,0.0,0.042397637512966886,0.0,0.046561194871837054,0.09790893026510462,0.11076122443506216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748607509553584,0.04488519281989238,0.08448785479821665,0.029179616864368468,0.02018276936875244,0.0,0.0,0.03655948110387517,0.1040740612199704,0.0,0.0,0.03512165951329859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188349559165231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967673332309728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038768154092067804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13996910438962346,0.03141934635252036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5179421652714513,0.04534774989423312,0.039052831223389255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04829106961998717,0.04152958549793696,0.13883539716962354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23399004459456804,0.0,0.0,0.0328526560188939,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04667036840187285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034538361680108966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04518820392496409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959319430157219,0.05489120543513331,0.026470816126804884,0.0,0.032796809399111435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0280478762230014,0.0,0.0,0.04300685029959194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03313768733314209,0.0,0.0,0.1148888487145867,0.07455461758468486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06015069848810645,0.0,0.0,0.029346587476484005,0.0,0.05019813651871271,0.0 ptsd,kaycar11,2019/03/28,"People don’t get it. I just told my sister that I was diagnosed with PTSD yesterday and went on to tell her the events that I think caused it. She didn’t really say anything and then just randomly brought up how she’s craving chocolate...So I went really? That’s all you have to say? And she goes you don’t talk about anything else and it’s hard to listen to after awhile. I told her she just doesn’t understand and she said she doesn’t and the conversation ended there. It’s so frustrating and the perceived criticism I got from that interaction makes me want to cry. I know I have emotional instability and hypervigilance, but it hurts still. My trauma literally is the only thing I talk about...I feel like if I were to be put into a social situation I’d have nothing to offer conversation-wise. And I know there’s this inner critic making me feel this shame. I have been out of the abusive relationship for 9 months now and feel so stuck and frozen in my mind. Sorry for venting. I just needed to get it out somewhere. ",2.8656904637832237,5.110287059405941,4.328593017196456,82.964739447629,76.92079207920791,7.618968212610736,23.0078165711308,8.532816995589336,1.529976237623762,814,25,161,17,19,270,115,202,0.171,0.8,0.028999999999999998,-0.9824,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,2,0,0,12,5,1,1,6,0,14,1,0,4,1,38,36,17,0,3,6,1,4,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,13,15,0,0,8,0,0,4,5,4,0,0,12,8,28,1,21,23,1,19,0,1,0,0,25,7,0,2,9,108,41,0,0.0,0.16827039822300466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2337406091882608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14589359315306966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1560022284826748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14414724326071254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11863943104873928,0.15975331010890634,0.12578750755338095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21542863717752087,0.10145906904833453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14839910745614932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11358631478818673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12722196508264527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15203527640612466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15610088289436033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06938376592658507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189598817162734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14339964775589248,0.0,0.1133589561705058,0.0,0.0,0.1053059813480042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13627195673247025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080125592806261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09845874008533104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16601370256180684,0.14276925958823825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18196321237771848,0.0,0.0,0.15247625937162576,0.0,0.0,0.1350934792343828,0.2258799031624123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15963635593760986,0.0,0.14477143746672486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897968849053618,0.0,0.0,0.11341730254783555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283004862584685,0.12413168187997088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09435173339581206,0.09100063903378154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714122656584553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147847759636319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08376703653569201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633078028472253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sweet12oakly,2019/08/26,"Trouble sleeping I’ve had trouble sleeping since high school (I’m 23F now) but lately it seems to be a constant issue. Some background: I was in an abusive relationship for nearly 3 years and got out of it a year and a half ago. I’ve been seeing a therapist since April of this year and started on Lexapro two months ago. Since I’ve started Lexapro, my mood had improved greatly but my sleep is suffering. I wake up at any sound and can’t fall asleep for hours after a wake up. I’m usually so tired that I’m forced to take a nap during the day. My therapist says that I’m most likely hyper aware of my surroundings, even in sleep which is causing me to not get into deep sleep. I also dream quite a bit and quite vividly. My nightmares have lessened a lot since starting Lexapro but my sleep patterns seem to be worse. Even when I feel like I’m doing 100x better with my PTSD, things like this sneak up on me. Anyone else experience this and have any suggestions?",3.7118749999999987,5.284596854166669,4.152000000000001,88.09300000000002,72.64583333333334,6.786666666666667,27.38333333333333,7.3011,1.3400558333333341,764,28,154,8,15,240,117,192,0.133,0.7829999999999999,0.084,-0.8982,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,0,0,3,6,9,0,0,10,0,12,10,9,1,0,20,27,12,0,0,4,0,1,3,0,0,1,2,0,0,9,9,0,0,3,2,0,1,2,3,0,2,5,5,13,5,22,20,4,33,0,1,2,0,3,14,0,5,21,87,22,1,0.0,0.11494254256223818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17198935139019472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07757991200043454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319420390734212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678325657130616,0.09939955449088377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08579862285594085,0.10591122814568166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0996573415029928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10483476551152338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06256427137444155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0810405038372051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12815011467398213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489567917877224,0.0,0.0,0.0490518347441515,0.06930490142988753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05068440707667098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07758880920176033,0.1069553151225696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249777853272682,0.0,0.0,0.09553660191775627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10125460649845973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943298664080844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1421844819831402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08247554920152282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0774335045381614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11340103353969767,0.0,0.0,0.20636694558396565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10415384475008596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07714728988990507,0.0,0.09818062799794083,0.0773054564073674,0.17663091182935645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3209950425836093,0.0,0.5824882407873294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2059953200833176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07294043421008457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2252752232050713,0.06445000574192751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1115002334154514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476595655910304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10684425567442063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09886281591084052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18741631489871968 ptsd,shakranative,2019/08/26,"Touch starved I’m not sure where to post this so I hope it’s okay this is here. I have ptsd from abuse and can not stand to be touched by almost anyone. I can handle brief contact with my fiancé occasionally, but it’s simple things like resting my leg against his. Lately I’ve been feeling very touch starved, but the thought of prolonged contact with anyone nearly sends me into a panic attack. Does anyone have any advice? :/",2.1992682926829303,4.970861121951219,2.573853658536585,91.21443902439024,84.12195121951221,3.76780487804878,21.614634146341466,4.935628992294339,-0.04042341463414667,340,11,63,1,10,104,63,82,0.24,0.667,0.09300000000000001,-0.9435,0,0,0,0,1,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,6,1,1,2,1,7,1,1,0,1,13,11,4,0,1,4,0,4,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,0,2,0,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,4,7,4,10,8,1,8,0,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,2,40,12,0,0.0,0.2694309681938999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22221194954356516,0.0,0.0,0.2277075362323579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15463931169688674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4770086022392572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2586995151863347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19899864677575135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11497991111209127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258587996219893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2565162983672301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11109580430043234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26680406510888416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21778565612252035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2658175952932802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2143211350122903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510739806172929,0.0,0.0,0.18052963159373836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18762822535703794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,recoveringbuthappy,2019/08/26,"Triggered by small talk? My ptsd stems from almost two years of domestic violence at the hands of my ex boyfriend. I escaped that relationship about three months ago by getting a protective order, quitting my job, leaving the state, and moving back home to live with my parents. I'm starting to heal so things are getting better, but I'm really struggling with small talk. For context, I grew up in a very small town with a population of less than 5000 so it's common for me to run into people from my past on a regular basis. Conversations usually start with ""How have you been?"", ""What have you been doing with your life?"", ""What brings you back home?"", ""Where are you living now?"", etcetera. I used to be so great at casual conversations but lately I've felt overwhelmed by these basic questions. I've been trying to just say that I'm figuring things out and in a transition right now but each time I get a question like this I'm forced to think about all of the changes that I'm going through in my life due to the abuse and trauma that I've endured and it triggers me every time. I'm able to talk to my friends, family, counselor, and support group about the situation, so I have several outlets for the trauma. However, I struggle to leave the house sometimes because I'm afraid I'll run into someone and be triggered by yet another superficial conversation. Does anyone here have experience with this? Any tips for moving past it?",5.928441984419844,6.9901146383763875,6.131113161131612,77.92113878638787,66.82287822878229,9.121853218532186,32.029725297252966,9.2995712137729,2.8455361213612136,1141,46,207,21,18,364,155,271,0.102,0.813,0.085,-0.7133,3,0,0,0,2,0,38.0,0,5,0,2,16,12,0,4,13,0,12,4,1,5,1,32,30,14,0,0,4,2,2,1,1,0,3,1,2,0,14,16,0,1,5,1,0,7,0,6,0,2,4,3,20,6,45,24,3,43,0,1,0,0,19,16,0,3,19,131,34,1,0.10921088797414108,0.12939704395279938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09680886278115898,0.0,0.10935892882601894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426714882333907,0.11451713831362575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07636279215114371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16795286333261886,0.0,0.06657394365022222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09658815548445317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553063862966913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09557118402535768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0920148833451891,0.0,0.0,0.10682920436510693,0.1029543056618954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10485957900942902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08437606113950052,0.0,0.17117454435994506,0.0,0.06206706440160537,0.0,0.0,0.12040538953979404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190948502991742,0.0,0.0,0.12601470178766142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10837495479787423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12319463852628272,0.2312771231144821,0.0,0.0,0.1542777598515978,0.053354923409135085,0.0,0.19287042983477348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08717108884831212,0.2321477809719625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126576685805245,0.0,0.20850830008174254,0.07571307878807339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12766168377808162,0.0,0.24468237723381034,0.11615922239441626,0.0,0.0,0.06996329134084514,0.0,0.0,0.11725162265035495,0.0,0.0932655016117625,0.0,0.0868488815211138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1233772177674131,0.0,0.0,0.12275761383976827,0.0,0.0,0.09253403097776287,0.0,0.10801236072160024,0.0,0.15460005722690526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2283418646730983,0.0,0.0,0.12393122146548027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2633387247561097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14510972247252465,0.0699779272714483,0.0,0.0,0.12736349405683642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07414702414347828,0.0,0.1066831685880584,0.0,0.0,0.09432314254442556,0.12028036390548008,0.0901104200681118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07032823123573535 ptsd,noname310,2019/08/26,"Is it too soon to know if I have ptsd from a traumatic incident? Its been almost a week and I swear every day has been worse than the last. My heart is racing 24/7, I can't breathe, I'm too scared to be at my house alone but also too scared to leave alone, certain noises send me straight into an anxiety attack. I have vivid nightmares of the incident when I can actually fall asleep. I've spent a majority of every day crying because I just want my life back. I want it all to end. I don't wanna go to court. I don't wanna be responsible for sending someone to prison for life. But I wanna be protected. I want them gone for a long long time but why do I feel guilty when I'm not the one that caused it. I know I shouldn't feel bad at all. But that doesn't stop it. I need help..",0.8801272455089801,2.700951844311376,2.824337574850301,93.40381175149702,81.45508982035929,6.0911676646706585,19.41953592814372,7.1686216300943375,0.1815871257485031,606,15,142,8,16,203,98,167,0.209,0.675,0.11599999999999999,-0.9524,0,2,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,1,0,9,5,1,2,8,0,17,5,3,1,3,27,30,9,0,9,7,0,2,0,0,1,2,0,0,0,7,2,0,2,4,0,1,5,6,4,0,1,4,3,20,1,19,22,3,22,0,0,1,0,4,4,0,2,13,90,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.1464585692569349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1502856354281373,0.3108797758814347,0.0,0.12002067429421764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11481246568043772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074015936414394,0.0,0.11540394121852605,0.125312360938935,0.09148871090670573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417575268055633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1648582400114426,0.19358119501462787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329282748866593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529014386082311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177213094360356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08529516805705119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17784811950784007,0.10059692934456647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17317469853399026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16496249488547887,0.12233701725014715,0.0,0.15891537060749752,0.0,0.0,0.2120149805839223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656360332770985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11128404328940587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169957709675112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17543805039401789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3005169114200681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716415379620433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12547543230340613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08751413277433914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26556709507099235,0.0,0.12038688117785648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1354258340088114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294657498680492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,gamergirl10101,2019/08/26,"Nightmares and PTSD.... I’m tired of having recurring dreams about my parents. I’m honest to god so sick of it. Call this a rant if you must... or maybe an open discussion for anyone who feels the same... ...but waking up after having a dream that reflects my past trauma tends to put me in a really bad/depressed mood for a good portion of the rest of that day. Which sucks, cause these nightmares/dreams occur almost every night. So yeah, no wonder why I have anxiety and depression all the fuckin time, right? What I’m most frustrated about is that I keep *trying* my hardest to not be this way, to *not* be depressed, to *not* be in a bad mood, to *not* have anxiety... but these nightmares/dreams just won’t stop, and I have no control over them. So it’s like a constant reminder daily like, “Hey, remember *THIS* bad experience you had during your childhood? Yeah, let’s just dream/remember about *ThAT* tonight!”. Therapy doesn’t help. Meds don’t help. They just won’t stop, and I’m tired of waking up crying or angry.",1.5654251700680248,4.185665474489799,2.585816326530612,91.06930272108843,85.58163265306123,5.51156462585034,20.41156462585034,6.996647511020387,0.5786299319727894,787,24,155,11,24,249,116,196,0.222,0.652,0.127,-0.9636,1,0,0,0,0,0,55.0,0,3,2,1,9,14,3,0,10,2,16,6,2,2,2,31,25,12,0,2,12,1,1,2,0,3,3,0,0,0,14,5,0,4,4,2,0,1,10,8,0,0,1,1,12,4,22,17,5,20,0,2,0,1,12,7,2,6,13,99,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278453893321687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20288459739657053,0.0,0.0,0.09272034991833428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3321583734035434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13540431309514048,0.0,0.0,0.136221643379607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14329866546627268,0.14872754364582327,0.0,0.0,0.14566013130196026,0.08551911715624269,0.0,0.3426369248502417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172525180292092,0.0,0.0,0.12971292603634324,0.0,0.0,0.06704896436990099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11122260350393713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1777643863708181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11786522704108165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13559737842007302,0.0,0.1295680010906159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133219331309073,0.0,0.14729402416473655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244406092124091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1472419226622709,0.0,0.12658627323494656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15500789923499653,0.13330443609538534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495002175564596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30043074663639463,0.11324376310959802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22172707828514726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15164512995615356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07732291737314828,0.3048193902023048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09002994560988585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052555072592813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1196551944387601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14380423439090267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,biggestcoffeecup,2019/08/26,"I think I have PTSD and am not sure how to deal with it At the beginning of the month I witnessed a horrible accident. The accident was in a sport I coach, but wasn’t one of my students. Me and my group of students saw it and were pretty shaken up. I was able to step up and console my group, not letting it get to me and being there for them to cry, be upset, etc. Now I’m back to coaching and when I see certain things, my stomach turns, my ears ring and my hearing feels muffled. I just watched a YouTube video of the venue it happened in and felt sick to my stomach. I thought I was okay as long as I don’t see the EXACT move that caused the accident. I coach twice a week and am 1 of 2 instructors. Soon I will be teaching similar moves. I’m afraid I won’t be able to handle it. What are coping strategies to deal with this? Trying to get desensitized? Cry and get it out? Any help is appreciated",1.23952380952381,3.1274754126984163,2.9896560846560867,92.32988095238098,80.5873015873016,6.104761904761905,24.25661375661376,7.1686216300943375,0.8526105820105818,699,26,158,9,18,232,108,189,0.153,0.76,0.08800000000000001,-0.8961,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,1,0,7,5,0,2,10,1,18,4,3,2,3,26,34,15,0,0,4,0,2,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,10,13,0,0,4,5,0,3,5,2,0,2,8,9,23,3,25,19,1,17,0,0,4,0,7,6,0,0,8,109,33,3,0.3177825165546829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10805150424200397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12217756984322355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16322509086228953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490691725179227,0.0,0.3276198207844016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772057539865152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08034019433315602,0.0,0.15256052542293705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24904237336521096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14050701494821424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17908199594347066,0.0,0.10650146113932324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1624770768006905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406137635591406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12682548644594674,0.33775252366468905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766882874681176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16164953210652516,0.0,0.0,0.18573537808891705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2532315222529665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149753130525592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105560291742132,0.1018111025563077,0.0,0.1261419107464311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10787673447419688,0.1728280622323511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12745298321712964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,maui_wowee,2019/08/26,"I have PTSD and was recently diagnosed with a FND/FMD (functional neurological/movement disorder). Anyone else? I finally went to see a specialist about episodic tremors and weakness I've had for years. It usually affects my legs the worst and I'm unable to walk when they go off. It's a strange and vague diagnosis. We already know PTSD can cause physiological manifestations, now I'm wondering if these two are strongly linked...or if anyone out there has any experience with this.",6.126926910299003,8.523739965116278,7.038637873754157,66.48127906976745,67.95348837209302,10.960797342192693,36.70431893687708,10.914260884657429,4.837776079734219,391,21,64,13,7,130,70,86,0.124,0.85,0.026000000000000002,-0.7906,0,0,0,0,0,0,14.0,1,0,1,1,4,3,0,0,4,0,6,3,1,2,0,14,13,7,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,8,0,0,2,0,0,3,0,2,0,1,3,1,5,1,8,10,1,11,0,0,1,0,2,2,0,3,6,38,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22882383261526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14101001037237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2899779588660337,0.21246196145216267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2130129692963136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21046319882345269,0.0,0.0,0.2376493221744332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17322033776221027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20283513578027354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2271496831669696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784587847679052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395809732445475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4847789537880944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20474022474536094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652368462151435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20255785966610185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22837466673520845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19222220699071085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22487004417959489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13353124191708549 ptsd,Elledorado19,2019/08/26,"PTSD causing me to miss work. What do I say to my boss? Hi all - Hoping for some advice here. I am in my 10th week of CPT, and things are going really well. At least, they were until my small team got hit with three crises at work, and I was not able to handle the stress. I went straight into flight mode and then didn’t get out of bed for three days. My question... As a small government organization, we essentially don’t have HR. Or a disciplinary policy. So now that my boss is asking questions, what do I say about the situation? Everything I come up with sounds like an excuse, and even though we are ADA compliant, we have no formal process for requesting accommodations or anything. Could really just use some perspective from those who have been in similar situations.",3.800784929356357,6.022014510204087,4.633605442176876,81.98218210361071,73.96598639455783,8.604709576138147,23.55259026687598,9.265573868473778,1.9311563579277864,611,18,119,15,13,197,108,147,0.045,0.878,0.077,0.5651,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,3,0,1,3,8,5,0,1,5,0,15,0,0,4,1,27,25,11,0,2,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,6,12,0,0,2,1,0,3,4,2,1,2,6,3,16,3,21,17,4,18,0,1,0,0,14,10,0,7,6,85,22,6,0.1725967708537961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16865956691837092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1420324362147153,0.0,0.1613546818968707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1773044276355013,0.0,0.14867683532801895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780447719969022,0.0,0.0,0.11131063862610066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1139985393500182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15511884853936173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09017468910209714,0.0,0.0980907223703575,0.0,0.13804140466686138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714275375702942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08432206403951965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20175638885998745,0.0,0.3866957679657874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211398220036897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2745117594201313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3880120039217712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.197709017869406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146656253000092,0.0,0.16957545104218433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906819385815184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844671870218705,0.0,0.15518522503645218,0.15999893575452195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2513050095983665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ihatemyself_com,2019/08/26,"I hate my PTSD I hate it so much. My triggers are so stupid. Im scared of everything. I flinch when people move near me. I hear his voice, i see his name and i start to cry. Hes not in the same state as me. Why am i so afraid? What did I do to deserve this. Its not fair. I want to fix it but I cant. I will never be how I was. I will always have scars, I will always be afraid. I will aways be on my meds. I will never be perfect. And that brakes me everytime I think about it, but I cant stop. I want it to stop. I cant have a real relationship because I hate being touched. There are so many opportunities that I'm missing out on because of my tics and anxiety. I hate it so much. Everything has gone to shit and I dont know what I did wrong.",-2.3139285714285727,-0.5341714880952377,0.7974666666666685,101.31420000000004,100.1904761904762,4.1165714285714285,14.458095238095238,5.927762680638738,-0.9568921904761902,562,13,149,6,25,196,89,168,0.256,0.6940000000000001,0.05,-0.9861,0,0,0,0,0,0,23.0,0,0,0,2,9,13,6,3,2,0,25,1,1,2,3,24,39,14,0,2,4,0,1,0,0,5,0,2,0,0,11,5,0,3,2,0,0,2,8,11,0,0,4,4,34,2,15,25,3,15,0,1,1,0,6,6,1,0,6,107,45,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23100609916415385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10619111777819504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13041883362418116,0.0,0.0,0.16923751994509356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524789201068772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16268711694129187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495112964378177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5481940868457459,0.0,0.0,0.1564516806515909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14994122888227704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07628767320495541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.140734001670584,0.0,0.0,0.15418930040833387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14753562940055967,0.2040861944518295,0.0,0.21412138442693016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09623505067405028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16226428516936142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15799891854635842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14903258496402588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13897544376309484,0.0,0.11061552291092236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424889495442561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09825214203141036,0.0,0.0,0.2321067896422889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894539074131075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16375031813002786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12525661394179333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15176958502108862,0.0,0.0 ptsd,daisiesandink,2019/08/26,"Permanent disability I was at my therapist the other day, getting some ADA paperwork filled out for work. She was reading off the questions out loud and proceeded to answer them out loud while she was writing her answers. ""Type of disability"".... ""You have PTSD"" &#x200B; ""Duration of disability"".... And then she said it... ""Permanent."" &#x200B; The word hurt. Like, really, really hurt. It was just a reminder to me how something so long ago will probably affect me for the rest of my life. It's something I feel like I'll never escape. It left me angry, it left me frustrated, it left me scared.",3.946346644010198,6.765088392523367,4.966253186066272,76.78237892948175,76.28971962616822,8.750722175021242,29.353440951571788,9.339509955726095,3.2641102803738318,466,21,78,13,11,152,69,107,0.153,0.804,0.043,-0.9172,0,0,2,0,0,0,40.0,0,1,1,1,3,6,1,1,5,0,6,1,0,2,1,16,9,6,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,1,1,3,0,0,7,5,0,0,4,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,5,4,15,2,12,3,2,16,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,2,9,55,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12615818941249393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3084075570077628,0.34586901998734104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0917846963746554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07196132328731854,0.10167351421623466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07435638284060822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3047132401674846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4638936441427026,0.0,0.10052490180310801,0.1390608326585734,0.0,0.0,0.12594881780053058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10976604171976254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15344514858864552,0.0,0.16636459121723726,0.0,0.15943109342551862,0.0,0.14235862271632588,0.0,0.1823478121182444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13537901451583534,0.0,0.14248725692625194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21912994588470727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16524461572373544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10361073428432974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34586901998734104,0.0 ptsd,Thrownawaymylove,2019/08/26,"My father with ptsd (60 M) (i think.) is an asshole. (nonbinary, 16) Throwaway because yeah.. My father, has ptsd. So because of that, one of his symptoms is moodswings, hes often either normal or angry. Just an hour ago, My mother said ""dont overfeed the bird"" while i was feeding the bird, then my dad got angry and said ""if you f\*cking abuse that bird i will take it back to the store."" it got me really distressed, my dad tends to jump to conclusions and he also cheats on my mother. i hate him, hes the reason im afraid to come out of the closet.",0.9741891891891896,3.1956843693693706,2.7940765765765763,91.50570945945948,83.68468468468471,4.781081081081081,20.06081081081081,5.985473137389443,0.03376216216216221,419,12,87,3,12,139,74,111,0.172,0.828,0.0,-0.9657,0,0,0,0,1,0,29.0,0,1,0,1,5,4,2,2,7,1,8,2,0,1,0,14,17,8,0,2,4,6,0,0,0,1,1,2,1,0,4,5,1,0,3,0,1,2,1,4,0,1,5,2,16,0,10,11,1,9,0,0,0,0,14,2,0,3,5,56,20,0,0.0,0.2292118088236484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17148563730964406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15470539942485165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14875447856298474,0.0,0.23585599142678024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16664382050647716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22672709497871224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094462834242375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909961512808294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905135978924125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20896392954264925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18954422014546848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131089695909577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4522756403449301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12393183081787147,0.19890332451973064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3680388358569841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20107317530028054,0.1454536195997495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12395775666613575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anotherfkingthroway,2019/08/26,"Life is hell After four years and 2 car wrecks, one of which I was involved in (the other I unfortunately just witnessed) I've discovered I just cant live like this anymore. I want to be able to put the past behind me, but i cannot. I have no resources to fall onto. Being at the center and merely being at these two wrecks has impeded my ability and will to drive to the point I am almost refusing to get my driver's license. I know I'm probably saying 12 things at once and completely out of order, but my life has been fucked for four years. I think I'd watched someone die barely at 15 years old, almost died 3 years after that, my family began to fall apart with me all but cutting all ties to my brother. Fuck me. That's all I can really say. I'm sorry for just fucking amazing, but man, I just needed to vent before I popped like a brown paper bag. This is a throwaway because I dont want people tracing this back to who I am. I'd ask that you'd respect my wish for privacy.",4.756934959349593,4.4951872585365855,6.1534756097561,81.37248983739839,69.09756097560975,8.784552845528456,28.30284552845529,8.344100000000001,1.8282113821138208,768,23,160,10,12,262,125,205,0.168,0.7340000000000001,0.099,-0.9419,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,1,0,0,5,9,5,0,6,0,18,5,0,0,3,26,32,8,2,4,8,1,0,2,0,1,2,2,0,1,11,6,0,1,2,0,0,5,4,5,0,4,3,4,24,4,26,24,3,26,1,0,2,3,9,10,4,2,12,105,35,1,0.13868634948803796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2777486916211847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1375395925583503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12965301549028618,0.0,0.0,0.10664124215883818,0.0,0.08454191140775111,0.0,0.11801186868202085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454099988199899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878690700355951,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625393687179459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13074114752830082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3846398860188847,0.0724578935395161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0762183907172505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19591654017204288,0.1355102900835104,0.0,0.12246258744964605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1028341708570266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14552799423262594,0.147696435971959,0.09397745964403023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1323918132738755,0.09614765249509163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13110342765589875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14952734137733326,0.0,0.0,0.1394180866622381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08884602674897517,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2205779031507251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11750849386699976,0.0,0.0,0.1552480138331906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0921370481380111,0.08886461284258146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13547641153506612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16360160433491655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15948245753119056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3572378482388748 ptsd,pursuingparadises,2018/12/09,"Should I get exposure therapy? Thoughts? Hey PTSD subreddit. I have been thinking about getting exposure therapy for a trigger of mine I've had for 5 to 6 years now. I thought about it a lot when I was in the hospital for a depressive episode when I encountered my trigger and it made me flashback for half an hour even with nurses around to help. After that incident, I've been looking in to getting exposure therapy and actually even trying to get myself to face my fears but every time I try to do it myself I end up flashbacking and being less likely to do it again. Should I actually try to get professional help and finally get some help or keep trying to do it by myself until I finally get through with it? I'm worried that if I get professional help, they'll actually make me be in the same room as the fucking thing and I'm just going to recreate the nightmare that happened. But trying to look at pictures or reading about it is not helping me at all. For anyone who's actually have had exposure therapy, can you tell me you're experiences?",5.213916376306621,6.300331468292682,6.640714285714289,73.53250000000001,68.46341463414635,10.34494773519164,35.13066202090592,10.451354775682146,3.9609930313588855,841,42,153,23,14,287,112,205,0.045,0.887,0.068,0.7669,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,1,1,0,11,4,1,1,8,0,17,2,1,4,1,29,38,14,0,3,7,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,1,0,12,8,0,1,3,1,0,1,1,3,0,1,8,2,22,1,34,25,5,21,0,1,2,1,10,8,1,5,13,116,34,3,0.0,0.0,0.3794832915972395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06797714246761227,0.0,0.0,0.08654470326475139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08373379046320101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08610636365673698,0.0,0.0,0.1284232508509806,0.0,0.08191042598228203,0.0,0.0,0.09509793762458403,0.0,0.10939736903760824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21299531087806065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08987654906804014,0.4063394771545714,0.0,0.055251275660841634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0859696277070109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258161511642261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09574022641140284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08641189703884812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04749584356151645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16327740559953186,0.0,0.0,0.08265133567086827,0.0,0.09199009860565016,0.06489382378680716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11364273386784415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724438930649104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497288760366943,0.0,0.4447093917410108,0.0,0.06458737298674554,0.0622934206269487,0.0,0.15436059344251987,0.05668864467094259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3300234762091017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09872968004215868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06260525655929883 ptsd,-stompy-,2018/12/09,"Child loss Has anybody ever been diagnosed with PTSD following the loss of a child? I lost my child 4 year old child after he lived his whole life with severe medical needs (experienced him almost dying all the time up until he passed, was his caregiver 24 hours a day, etc etc). This was 12 years ago but I'm looking into see a counselor about some remaining trauma/triggers and wanted to see if anybody else out there had a similar experience. I read an article yesterday (which would have been his 16th birthday) that compared the level of PTSD in moms who experience care of medically fragile children to that of a soldier in active combat. Got me thinking about all this. ",6.805060000000001,7.800644016000002,7.11815,71.85882500000002,64.84,10.090000000000002,34.025,10.125756701596842,3.6271799999999987,542,23,90,12,8,176,93,125,0.078,0.8590000000000001,0.062,0.25,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,3,4,4,0,0,9,0,8,4,0,0,3,16,19,4,1,4,2,1,1,0,0,1,4,0,0,5,6,5,0,0,1,1,0,2,0,3,0,0,7,5,8,1,17,11,6,19,0,3,3,0,13,6,0,3,11,59,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13624994485928274,0.0,0.1539130570730678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1567121881999111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0991268175154575,0.0,0.0,0.15600703769812335,0.15952121447394094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12840055608020845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3428427468432941,0.0,0.13903470327776446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30070538555979537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12293169187496507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15136817062361044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10856617704678204,0.0,0.0,0.13572406841188725,0.0,0.12907323868009352,0.0,0.16778683981268064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30968263466443297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18001709002436078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11397008940561235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16128722948300522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3593451441471127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15374629729286482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2449654955423243,0.0,0.0,0.1736425636535146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09848776711337777,0.0,0.0,0.08962644815670151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906590159552884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17160581136098535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918741073606604,0.0,0.0,0.19796157815800167 ptsd,platypus1980,2018/12/09,"Triggered at a doctor’s office Has anyone else ever experienced this? I had been going to physical therapy for back pain for months when one of the exercises triggered the worst episode / panic attack I’ve ever had. The exercise involved being face down and not being able to see what was happening, and that day, I couldn’t do it. During the attack, I tried desperately to explain how the pain won’t stop so I just need to make friends with it, and saying that I was supposed to be done by now. It probably looked like I lost my natural mind, and to be fair, I did. I was scared and wanted to run and hide. Earlier that same day, we had a tragedy at work that I had to handle. Additionally, I hadn’t been able to sleep for more than three hours at a time for over a month, so I was running on fumes and should have called out. The doctors’ response was to get frustrated and discharge me. Not that I necessarily blame them, but they were writing up a report on me and said - in front of me, very frustrated - “We need a box on this that says, ‘Frame of mind’.” They know about the PTSD. It was humiliating. I have one more session with them, and I’m dreading it. Whenever my back is worked on, I can’t help being jumpy. During a session recently, one of the doctors asked, “Did I scare you?” I said, “Yeah, a little.” The doctor responded, “Well how do you think I feel? I’m like, ‘What did I do?’” TL;DR: Have you ever had a doctor who took PTSD-based reactions personally?",3.3083133433283365,4.865138913793103,4.667391304347827,84.0571739130435,73.6551724137931,7.802098950524738,25.367316341829085,8.456263369488248,1.5951739130434777,1135,37,233,20,23,377,156,290,0.157,0.772,0.07200000000000001,-0.9682,0,0,0,0,0,0,45.0,2,3,4,3,14,17,5,4,18,1,35,11,2,5,3,42,55,16,0,5,4,0,1,2,1,2,9,4,0,1,16,16,0,1,4,2,0,5,6,13,1,4,23,8,32,4,35,24,4,33,0,1,2,0,23,13,0,0,17,170,48,10,0.19230870759880372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06723335987662551,0.09852149846331093,0.0,0.0,0.08989134091879455,0.2187789174800749,0.0,0.1478735256353842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09818434593043654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12402320709879085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4920902776126109,0.0,0.09839928801537202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08032462434220873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26093135385661226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04861853039604641,0.06869268956684105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07428861522423039,0.0,0.0502366812355888,0.0,0.05464673514215295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502897751018107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06445023650494992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09469266967281442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05284391819455651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09395232064474593,0.0963719231621132,0.0,0.0,0.08074544009867286,0.0,0.10496383574149737,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06418377781189455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1941769736246476,0.0,0.15349897567327458,0.0,0.0,0.14259446994972694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19547003588613104,0.0,0.20463002365715394,0.11281641657071115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08395827289131642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103670656402418,0.0,0.22479858805894054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09494082422923376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18292961917738546,0.15293160298890407,0.192534564831691,0.0,0.07662257083196995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09622379532376536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08038934528325298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10996088350464328,0.0,0.0,0.0616118273720187,0.0,0.0,0.0560683769532613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10683102504864044,0.06528249449224273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933741198307556,0.05671432914429031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08645431173932437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1400030295175824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Blubarries,2018/12/09,"My spouse has CPTSD, I’m helpless and afraid. I’ve been with my husband for 14 years, we met in high school. Over the years he developed addictions and our lives were hell. Somehow he has been sober for just over a year now. That in itself is pretty amazing!! However, now it’s more apparent than ever that he has ptsd from childhood abuse, violence and emotional neglect. He has episodes at least once a week where he becomes irate, deeply depressed, suicidal and uses self harm. He dissociates during these episodes and nothing I say or do makes a difference. I’ve called police twice and taken him to the hospital several times before. He is seeing a therapist, not enough in my opinion, and is trying to get into a DBT group. I’m exhausted and incredibly anxious, also fighting my own depression sometimes. I’m so scared that this is how life is going to be forever and I feel guilty thinking about leaving the relationship when things become really bad. Does anyone have suggestions? Has anyone experienced something similar? I guess I want to know that I’m not completely alone. Thank you for reading. 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Then I began to think that this is similar to my current predicament. That being working on being the person I want to be. I just get stagnant and it torments me day and night. I’m scared and vulnerable when it comes to this. It makes me wonder if all the bullying and stuff made me feel this way and made me feel like I’m not good enough ya know? Does this sound like ptsd?",2.040666666666666,3.847317677777777,3.0886111111111134,92.95625000000004,77.7777777777778,5.833333333333334,21.25,6.6274283507984215,0.2230000000000003,341,9,75,3,8,109,58,90,0.14800000000000002,0.762,0.091,-0.7626,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,1,3,5,0,1,2,0,6,1,0,3,2,20,20,8,0,2,3,0,2,3,0,0,1,1,0,1,10,6,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,5,3,11,4,5,12,2,10,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,2,10,47,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16554287484680089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1239378217766346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16817478417324416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1985695004779252,0.0,0.0,0.17383447494337032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1943402334521904,0.13729079445770653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10040419033296727,0.0,0.0,0.1611883713137467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561507428136578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2816629139970838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.363683742818291,0.12827917938076372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1803444488109704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1678009415445841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4492876453403647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1924020120117073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897022975305813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2199958974832344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19974476936868726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12313881988366154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11335056691555227,0.15254061002379993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20840701079856813,0.13990664268758626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Aweoaken,2019/04/12,"Advice/insight I had a rough childhood, I won't get into specifics but all of my life the most random things would make me upset. I can't watch Christmas movies or listen to certain music without getting flooded with memories that I suppressed as a child. Recently as an adult I have developed Depersonalization which gets worse the more I think about my past. As time goes on I get flooded with more and more memories that I just want to forget but I can't. I'm not sure if I have PTSD, I'm not sure what I have, but I think I need insight and advice and I think this subreddit is my best bet.",3.096,4.861003266666671,4.135000000000002,86.79,74.66666666666666,6.8000000000000025,26.166666666666664,7.554174236665415,1.3203166666666664,472,17,96,6,10,153,75,120,0.087,0.79,0.12300000000000001,0.4829,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,5,0,9,1,0,1,4,32,22,11,0,4,9,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,6,6,0,1,4,0,1,0,6,1,0,0,1,3,18,4,12,19,6,6,0,0,1,0,3,2,0,5,4,67,24,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2082402786279531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22363683308559792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4453468659242572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15051986209887447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14224687812108364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15801203107057035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20342945480258467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24910420083971624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21041198123972504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4016912048383665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415751397789313,0.4096404293008424,0.0,0.0,0.12426117400399428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12569276132592844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20542220117978632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21716859169200448,0.15138116173920269,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Alexut-,2019/04/12,"[TW sexual assault] My therapist made me realise that my cousing assaulted me and i don't know how to feel. You know how sometimes something just happens and you never talk about it with anyone, and it just feels like it never happened, like it's not real. ""Oh yes that happened once its totally fine and normal to have panic attacks when thinking about it"" I never realised that it was a bad thing, until i told her. And i realised how hard it was to talk about it. I realised how horrible it sounded. When i said it out loud, when i heard it, it sounded so traumatic, even though it seemed so mundane and normal to me in my head. I guess i should give some insight: My cousin is like 26 and a psycho. He raped my aunt, who is 7 years younger than him, when she was a teenager (she's like a sister to me so i want to strangle him) When i was 12, he barged into our house (my dumbass grandma let him in cause ""he's a wonderful man""). My aunt was there too, trying to get him to leave. He made a huge scene, started crying because his girlfriend left him or something, telling us how he got into a fight, he was so hurt, he missed us so much. He was doing emotional 180s every second, going from crying to shouting to laughing. After getting tired of his bullshit my aunt went to take a shower and i was left alone with him on a couch. He started rubbing himself on me, putting his hands everywhere while he whispered something completely unrelated into my ear like we were just having a normal conversation. It fucked with me because i didn't know how i should react. Like you have this dude touching you but he's acting like nothing's going on. I was a dumbass so i just froze and tried to act normal too. I was completely red and embarrased to the point where i thought i was being the pervert for percieving this as sexual. I felt so dirty. After that, he told grandma he was going somewhere to pick up a package and needed me to go with him. I tried to say i had homework and that i was busy, but my grandma made me go with him and called me impolite. Again, i thought i was being the rude one. When we got outside, he dragged me by the hand to a small isolated street, we walked for a while, and we stopped at a delivery van. There was another man there. He said that he had a package for me and i had to take it from the van, because it was all the way to the back. I think i made all the excuses in the world and speedwalked the fuck outta there. He was shouting after me, asking me what the fuck i think i'm doing. Luckily, i was close to my house, so he didn't have much time to chase after me. I got to my house, and my aunt hugged me because she was so worried. We didn't talk about it after that When i told my therapist, she made me realised that he was an actual predator, ACTUALLY targeting me. I had other instances of him touching me at family reunions (as alabama as that sounds) And now that i know that it actually happened and it was a bad thing, i don't know how to feel. I don't really talk to my family (emotional neglect and occasional abuse) so that was the first time i had an authority figure validate my experiences. Sorry if this isn't the right sub, I don't know if this is real ptsd or if i'm just being dumb again, sorry, just needed to type it. i hate how he gets away with everything all the time",4.016309508450522,4.80073719139466,5.215742484840668,83.76541736550125,71.00296735905043,8.175409624564573,28.895497355179977,8.389252357687651,1.9607930331570125,2593,96,532,39,46,862,263,674,0.149,0.792,0.059000000000000004,-0.996,1,1,3,0,2,0,80.0,8,4,0,1,48,27,11,1,33,1,51,10,4,16,7,107,112,59,0,12,14,6,11,7,1,2,1,12,3,2,42,36,0,2,19,0,0,10,12,17,0,3,49,24,103,10,67,57,7,65,0,3,1,5,78,24,4,9,37,383,145,2,0.0,0.0719599150670348,0.17780300831369514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0629021568534692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06368494437766564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0424666581987946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056778135985390873,0.06909374696413688,0.05706163693582528,0.04670073369330277,0.10142078571834386,0.14809164674565692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0620162530438949,0.0,0.0,0.062390596819091315,0.0,0.0,0.1273569867297915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342699881180548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13663525787678266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04011426562439771,0.0,0.05117105451681128,0.0,0.05458384580308817,0.059409552474754865,0.1145093097168122,0.0,0.09212687791798492,0.04338841572017173,0.05831421003895579,0.0,0.0,0.05166034983814342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16844294497278167,0.09519309945189472,0.05826163257676786,0.1725827942572206,0.0,0.14572369801079998,0.0,0.06690540061685192,0.0,0.21482767076010573,0.0,0.05440577724119771,0.0599622981679511,0.062330654581300174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21023680976388304,0.06501705405652387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20026706527574425,0.0,0.0,0.06430858707381712,0.13197544078328005,0.06210467849926873,0.0,0.2077011149366764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28734012149898874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08929302622796441,0.09006705343158987,0.14052552486675954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2380258862423501,0.05827595665098144,0.0,0.0,0.06467977851854709,0.041154962443816855,0.0,0.0,0.07125831894334413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05741330593390773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0709948515155911,0.06105449266565373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1382572850225786,0.038907786058342254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051866544780690346,0.11554397439450988,0.04829815231487064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05528999589760729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026811105245948,0.06006752601358885,0.13597358777271407,0.08597574293478395,0.0,0.0,0.050776383260234134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09132889065627292,0.19526290749190325,0.0530842345388216,0.0,0.0,0.14103382061316894,0.08069800503582493,0.11674777605099107,0.05967089337519785,0.09643209942532964,0.10624353464728972,0.06980485334388623,0.0,0.17410195546441476,0.0,0.12370329483997408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611116248445993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.035822514822464555,0.04820786002487665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05630107056697839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658634838500566,0.0,0.06167837340947844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.039110735391948766 ptsd,youngpierre24,2019/04/12,"Depression and anxiety went away for a month, then an explosion happened next to my school. Hey guys. I was struggling with mental health issues until I got a therapist and worked my ass off and was finally free of these demons. I was enjoying life so much this last month. Yesterday, there was a gas explosion a block away from my school. The noise was so loud and I think the impact of what happened shocked me. I had trouble sleeping yesterday, was dissociating a lot, and I still feel weird today. I plan on seeing my therapist today, but I’m extremely scared that it’s going to take another long period of time to get over this like my previous anxiety",5.362437275985663,6.898844419354839,6.055913978494626,76.1844265232975,68.51612903225806,10.672401433691755,30.71326164874552,10.746095033038511,3.6167089605734772,524,21,95,16,9,171,84,124,0.166,0.769,0.065,-0.8328,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,2,4,9,0,2,8,0,7,4,2,0,0,11,18,10,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,2,1,0,1,6,6,0,1,2,0,1,2,0,6,0,0,9,3,13,4,15,9,2,22,1,1,1,1,2,5,1,1,16,62,19,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15625594651039776,0.227993193786809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28001029681253764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12834699760081106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753468115517481,0.0,0.0,0.1632394073111054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0778545489386276,0.0,0.0846890521192906,0.0,0.1191814621398358,0.0,0.0,0.147548963795002,0.26354816950281257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15839671284622578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553366748418096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12146767825214193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10525419053475826,0.07280154028519073,0.0,0.0,0.1318741986176676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1266878129172325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501727691813855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23788580813173016,0.0,0.1095436799574369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15847987952658352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14919070419651073,0.3016236727689439,0.11874621380074428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14912330985724945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11900412452691878,0.0,0.0,0.15578355658315815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11204125553295836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460374087665355,0.0,0.0954832387680692,0.0,0.0,0.08689224865285711,0.0,0.28249890509670617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13813903987764414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10848519891289143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Brittababy2,2019/04/12,"Struggling with upcoming wedding with my PTSD Hi all, I’m new here. I have has PTSD from child abuse growing up. I’m getting married and was staying sober but since my wedding is a month away, everything has been triggering me lately. Even my medicine isn’t working. 😳 I want to up the dose since I know it will Balance me but I’m nervous since it takes some time to adjust. I know drinking it’s not the best solution . But with all these stress my brain is like fried more than ever. Any advice is needed. I have tried prayer, running and almost anything you can think of, I hope someone has been through this, it’s been tough!",2.576666666666668,4.855314838709682,2.90451612903226,92.64344086021508,78.03225806451613,5.423655913978496,26.46236559139785,6.42735559955562,0.9317655913978502,496,20,100,4,12,152,84,124,0.154,0.769,0.077,-0.8746,0,0,1,0,1,0,14.0,0,1,0,2,3,7,0,3,3,0,15,3,1,1,3,22,26,5,0,3,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,6,5,1,0,4,1,0,2,2,4,0,0,4,0,13,3,12,21,5,11,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,3,6,63,19,1,0.0,0.1991683435964685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642631736604357,0.0,0.0,0.16832561275284896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143122328217364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13833012358346858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15793336749806275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17640821550974572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18765267980835187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16467179736353865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11102697705461964,0.15205403666324413,0.0,0.0,0.1510754167177492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782413524708375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16695899253505614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847642521105392,0.0,0.1896215813415001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212406863011636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13417401854830632,0.0,0.0,0.1246423500352497,0.0,0.16234985230909954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929945433388952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.41715658216433177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1424286762135622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1791698330383135,0.0,0.0,0.1925554021624788,0.17573226393509922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12638858632314953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1077102493010002,0.0,0.0,0.09801914854875626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11412733653058417,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09914840691520847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12237716243328495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ottersstolemymom,2019/04/12,"So long Executive Functioning, we hardly knew ye! Going through a numb spell in my PTSD. My body doesn't know what year it is and all my days are bleeding together. I've been in a fog since Christmas - one long stretch of laying in bed devoid of rest or peace. Sleep cycle is an utter joke with nightmares most of the time. I can't remember the last time I didn't wake up in a cold sweat. My work is suffering, my home is a mess, my hygiene sucks, laundry piled up. I've missed so many appointments the last few months because I lack the energy to do anything, even cry. I caught myself this morning feeling frustrated that my little 1st floor apartment doesn't have a high enough spot to hang from, which is not the kinda intrusive bullshit I need in the morning. I want to go back to therapy but in the midst of this fog I lost my health insurance, a whole 'nother wave of self loathing. I'm hanging on by the Grace of Zoloft and CVS pharmacy. They find you coupons and automatically use them, which is enough for me to stay medicated. It's helping me manage my intrusive suicidal thoughts rationally and I feel like it's holding back a flood gate of self harm and destructive behaviors. So, one point for me I guess. Fuck this disease. Fuck my brain chemistry. Fuck my use of negative coping skills over positive coping skills. Fuck my roommate for not helping me clean when he sees me break down weekly about the mess in the apartment. No guarantee I will have energy to respond, if you respond. Thanks for being the void I can scream into.",4.437430830039523,6.140038370370372,4.782113892548676,83.77674571805007,71.02020202020202,8.262860488947442,29.074659639877034,8.841846274778883,2.269313394817744,1224,48,237,23,23,386,185,297,0.223,0.677,0.099,-0.9931,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,1,3,2,4,8,19,7,0,19,0,18,14,5,2,1,30,41,12,1,4,5,0,3,1,0,1,5,1,4,2,10,8,0,1,7,1,1,5,8,15,0,2,6,6,35,4,36,33,8,40,0,3,1,4,13,20,5,5,14,147,45,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09626267790873626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17989725757276398,0.0,0.0713085186571672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12993585120451295,0.0,0.13058579727359804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12849450787028252,0.07544093757345498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24173846328436044,0.0,0.07726266596545397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11829487729984753,0.08356889047768062,0.0,0.0,0.10691549629867228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.43257598559497584,0.0,0.0,0.1329622424992905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1288641219945634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10478904021169327,0.0,0.0,0.12434182233427725,0.0,0.0,0.15681536972000265,0.12359335994543545,0.11733816838561105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06428788332294573,0.19070487255941646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057149394233900634,0.11724238405342224,0.0,0.20704316245390986,0.0,0.0,0.12769497523696738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11859702490417623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11784272356801652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09337048212382254,0.0,0.0,0.08673748048805399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1585342304850018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11058173468458034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13674066850123162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13251292784474356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093216079765585,0.0,0.2440665007911943,0.0,0.0,0.0967651601982504,0.0,0.11706217740876118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12468266117265588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1279546148323896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10769734742213118,0.13377419181537398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928672252909847,0.13642127226097722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2020623445494012,0.0,0.0,0.06899647678174736,0.0,0.09383245296027157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13060142176063924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08516115698828337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0753298019349386 ptsd,TinyLittleStormCloud,2019/04/12,"How to identify emotional flashbacks? The therapist I'm seeing commented that he thinks I'm experiencing recurrent emotional flashbacks. This is not something I discussed in my previous therapy and I wasn't really aware they were a thing. He explained them as periods during which a mixture of particular feelings (despair, intense fear of abandonment, self-hatred/shame, guilt and anger according to him) are present and disproportionate to a person's environment or situation. He also said that usually there is a feeling of being younger than you actually are (or feelings of being physically smaller) and feeling like you have no way to get out. I'm thrown by this because this sounds much closer to my experience of PTSD than the usual way ""flashbacks"" are described - I was aware that heightened emotional responses were an aspect of PTSD but not in this way. He described regular flashbacks as being primarily physical and based in fear and defense. Conversely, he said people describe emotional flashbacks like feeling like you're drowning in a number of different and sometimes conflicting emotions but there isn't necessarily an intrusive visualisation of the traumatic event and there may be no physical symptoms. I'm new to this therapist and just want to know if this sounds right? Has anyone else experienced these kinds of flashbacks? How do you know they're about to happen or are happening? It all made sense when he brought all the different feelings and thoughts I was having together but I don't know if I'd ever be able to recognize it on my own.",9.286654411764708,10.193506121323534,9.13044117647059,59.88073529411767,59.477941176470594,12.829411764705885,43.83823529411765,12.273956033585215,6.140966176470588,1283,73,185,41,16,417,150,272,0.092,0.823,0.086,-0.8677,3,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,3,2,0,10,11,2,3,11,0,23,1,0,3,3,45,48,24,1,3,11,0,6,3,0,1,1,4,0,1,14,11,0,3,12,0,0,1,7,7,0,0,10,13,14,4,30,32,4,20,0,2,1,0,19,8,0,6,11,127,28,0,0.09659991661758466,0.0,0.094267583913265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725091841849385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754490775895046,0.098978030224717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05888641256206969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2018527052423772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069683490342837,0.5433095210073331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08738015503020315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09449325452271508,0.0,0.21740352514046066,0.29306292206750617,0.13802199946635696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05046946941816216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17084597447761266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1005939479615436,0.15926636360086624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1415815194272694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09140517679182823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07101205364278694,0.0,0.0,0.09329680142144434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06697021911881428,0.08434732115799456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2258402662405444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061884380167458085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08249580097844014,0.18377728372328647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0769776267108491,0.0,0.10077478069113158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858235365601178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436733525714159,0.09553978758826333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1004043008131381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047042341841994,0.2243198972618773,0.06417669222946805,0.06189732603487216,0.0,0.07668954347896763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127823212416929,0.0,0.05697713363858908,0.23002955236509154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kerrybeary1985,2019/04/12,"Dealing with yourself after a trigger (rape trigger warning) I've been working hard these last few years in identifying my triggers, but I'm still not all together in stopping them from ruining my thoughts and ability to feel much besides anger and numbness for days. Ex boyfriend contacted me. Told me he got a promotion and then shared a bunch of romantic texted messages his girlfriend sent him and how I never treated him so good. You can imagine how that would have hurt anyone, let alone someone with PTSD. I blocked him. Again. Hopefully I can have the strength to make it forever. Then I felt like I'm the reason why my fiance isn't finding success. My ex wouldn't have been where he is today if he were stuck with me and my two kids. This is definitely true about my SO as well. How successful and happy would this man be without me and the burden of these kids? But when I tried to tell him how I was feeling, he said that its ""Just me that thinks this way."" And then deflected my emotions by being rude in a ""playful"" way. So, I numbed up real fast. I woke up today angry. My SO has been wanting sex and I have had zero desire for it. In fact, I dont even want him nor my kids nor my dog to touch me. But I am angry when he distances himself and acts like I'm not there. So I snap and yell at the kids to clean the house. SO finally figures out that I'm not feeling good so he comes and gives me a hug. That makes me feel better for most of the day, but I know I'm still not over my trigger yet. SO still wants sex tonight. I figure I'd try, but I'm dry as a desert and there is not even a tingle of desire there. His attempts to get me ready only bring physical pain. He detects this and refuses to have sex. I feel like I let him down and am angry with my body for betraying me. It would have been better if he would have just had sex. I could have faked it. But no. Instead I do the weird sleep thing I do when I am experiencing sexual trauma. The same sleep thing that happened with my ex husband that lead to him raping me in my sleep. My SO would never touch me while I was unconscious, but he has needs and took care of them on his side of the bed while I was passed out. I woke up when he finished. Just like I did when my ex husband finished raping me. I feel... I dont even know what. I cannot sleep now. I want to abandon everyone. My kids, my SO, my dog. The rest of my family I have already since abandoned. I want to just live in a camper van in total solitude and be out in the wilderness sitting in hot springs and trout fishing and hiking. That's what I want to do. But these people need me and I just dont know how I can keep being these things for them when I am too broken to even just ""be"" for myself.",2.3353186105359995,3.7730749929453284,3.5145284103979755,91.81925983436855,75.96649029982363,6.411916264090178,24.142665439766887,6.98899656878771,0.7130822329575954,2119,67,472,21,46,687,248,567,0.157,0.696,0.147,-0.491,0,1,0,0,0,0,63.0,0,1,3,9,45,36,5,0,19,0,54,17,5,13,6,113,98,60,0,20,22,6,11,4,1,6,4,2,2,6,26,29,0,6,17,1,0,7,17,16,1,2,21,14,84,20,56,63,8,64,0,4,0,8,48,21,0,4,37,338,110,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0834036287440063,0.0888656165533982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0563076621150159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244249247896973,0.0,0.08944942670658518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08210455550517244,0.0,0.0,0.06936849569949394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06429575436487799,0.0,0.0,0.10386892537505386,0.08302173459375972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2831377268929977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09058414600824798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2127542510359054,0.0,0.0,0.07694879149632168,0.0,0.0,0.07591545690238685,0.0,0.2443069143436608,0.0575298447229036,0.0773203490608261,0.08821544685199736,0.0736019332717782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.042073013723901785,0.07725063521704108,0.0,0.13508760014749918,0.06440629816244603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07121141862334762,0.08572448536126061,0.07213805493386193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07998334358196241,0.0,0.09291951027327457,0.08620782672351612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157776459196184,0.0,0.0,0.132769691831232,0.06564178155012429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16469246232319626,0.0,0.15736936352708444,0.0,0.0711084723933294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10750729938022556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0591979892382277,0.11942228155981904,0.12421766641321387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124583856153412,0.08568840120305052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05582858271667535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09413394603202137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091659490294103,0.0,0.08279709604368854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07660140149451157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06661431794740685,0.0,0.3223481298246829,0.0,0.06823185485574533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19293139191014488,0.06732574573341321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038578661061366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16049941979100887,0.05159965178474492,0.0,0.0639309319568405,0.0,0.0,0.15266391589385864,0.07694879149632168,0.08947054368364199,0.10934764077356672,0.0,0.07866501002642687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2849881030842315,0.12784014606761715,0.0,0.0,0.07240513017253747,0.0,0.07266478464218971,0.0,0.0,0.07762696226901201,0.0,0.0586259804330806,0.0,0.0,0.2860270132215053,0.0,0.0,0.05185795555681738 ptsd,throwaways4dayzzzz,2019/04/12,"PTSD and muscle cramps/aches? Lately I've been having a lot of problems with flashbacks and general panic, especially at night when I'm in bed. The past two nights I have gotten intense cramping pain in one of my calves. My leg will still be very sore the next day. Could these cramps be related to PTSD/flashbacks? Is there anything I can do in the moment to ease the pain?",3.8159360730593583,5.689498287671236,4.026232876712331,87.86665525114157,72.97260273972603,6.510502283105023,24.495433789954337,7.1686216300943375,0.9554310502283104,297,9,58,3,6,92,56,73,0.20199999999999999,0.7490000000000001,0.048,-0.9206,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,5,0,10,6,1,0,0,7,12,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,2,2,0,4,0,9,6,1,13,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,9,37,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1669033477807894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.161935042422562,0.0,0.0,0.13080194021475958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287894777906918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17243007260920645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21570107261793306,0.3806651347148901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743589094250994,0.0,0.4316289627831893,0.2379652408725599,0.0,0.0,0.19361437178351448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407108015119506,0.4741707969577991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16197208997820234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19812539508455107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16734750957919994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ezzi5,2019/04/12,"Meds? What helped you? I’m seeing a doctor tomorrow and I’m hoping I’ll be able to get some meds to deal with some of my current issues. For sleep, I was going to ask if she could prescribe CBD oil as that’s what my psychologist recommended, although I worry that she might get the wrong impression if I specifically ask for that. I’ve also thought about Ambien. My other issues relate to depression, anxiety, and trouble focusing. So I was wondering if anyone’s taken any meds related to any of these issues, and if so, what helped? What didn’t? What were the effects like?",2.964643734643733,5.422186774774778,4.7166257166257175,79.2197542997543,77.64864864864866,8.0003276003276,24.505323505323506,8.841846274778883,2.1836414414414422,456,16,82,11,11,154,70,111,0.132,0.789,0.079,-0.7941,1,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,1,0,1,4,6,0,0,3,0,7,2,1,1,0,16,19,12,0,6,4,0,0,1,0,1,1,0,0,0,10,4,0,0,3,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,6,2,10,3,12,10,2,3,0,1,1,0,8,0,0,9,3,55,20,1,0.1512894539065515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12098612162969502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057640331857749,0.0,0.11573601814106665,0.0,0.0,0.10578510382647484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28287043365511483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12079231840947513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597278388002614,0.13030538496310434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15485116675642058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808499084847488,0.0,0.08598128312192664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20281226381748332,0.0,0.0,0.15026456413558228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4737206509329736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07391238525324711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5041454325725611,0.0,0.0,0.1604942025206978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205581072518934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15139871334082847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12010692720581198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406695918562658,0.0,0.1536417842069561,0.0,0.0,0.1654112680304572,0.0,0.0 ptsd,islaclairr,2019/04/12,"Prazosin Does anyone have odd prazosin side effects? I get really thirsty and get a blocked up nose. I also have night shakes (which may or may not be caused by prazosin) What dosage are you on? And how do you deal with the low blood pressure?",2.410638297872339,4.9463266595744715,2.1355744680851068,96.49400000000004,80.27659574468086,4.611063829787233,24.293617021276606,5.6839178017228535,0.3266800000000001,191,7,39,1,5,56,39,47,0.188,0.812,0.0,-0.8042,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,2,2,0,7,2,2,3,0,11,9,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,1,1,0,0,1,1,3,0,0,0,1,4,0,4,6,0,6,0,1,0,0,3,4,0,3,1,25,6,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3162247141357274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27649340078634915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4062148759350738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4076703040897302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3460428952891998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4131910368464802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3710836646687474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25332217180781386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dargere,2019/04/12,"BAUD device - any feedback Anyone tried this device for PTSD? http://www.baudtherapy.com/about.html. Seems interesting but I can’t really find any reviews or user feedback. Any information would be super.",9.242758620689653,13.768786379310349,6.203034482758625,60.92041379310348,81.75862068965517,7.8372413793103455,26.4896551724138,8.238735603445708,3.5302772413793098,171,6,17,4,5,48,25,29,0.0,0.7759999999999999,0.22399999999999998,0.802,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,6,4,2,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,2,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,0,8,2,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6778733663906132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23233378329726645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036925166613332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38841065313006296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21286330307271226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3024898701764592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2255923094769925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2360379941586953,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Terrapin2112,2019/04/12,"I don't know what to do. Years ago I lived with an abussive person, 7 years ago to be exact. But I'm still affected by what he put me through. I still live in fear. I have flashbacks, panic attacks, and have used drinking (which obviously isn't a healthy coping mechanism). He still berrates me everday in my head. I'm tired of this feeling, I want to be free. I tried meditation which helped but haven't kept up with it in a while. Did the medication route but it landed me in the hospital a few years ago. I need to figure out my insurance (I might not have it at the moment) because I wouldn't mind seeing a therapist, but I'm curious what else I can do in the meen time? I want his voice to leave my brain, it's been there for far too long. I'm not living my life with this fear. Its constant. I feel terrible all the time because of what he put me through. Thanks.",1.5004509803921555,3.4216171888888915,3.027189542483661,92.21794117647059,79.8888888888889,6.457516339869281,23.366013071895427,7.510576382923642,0.8662973856209146,674,23,152,10,17,221,103,180,0.12,0.8059999999999999,0.07400000000000001,-0.7923,0,0,1,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,5,7,1,3,10,0,15,6,2,2,3,27,29,6,0,4,6,0,2,0,0,2,3,1,0,1,13,5,1,1,4,1,1,2,6,5,0,0,3,4,21,3,22,22,2,27,0,0,1,0,6,10,0,1,15,96,34,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3470668483853701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14847359255019776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15911496904644068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14569195576049826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14103459070074356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12784979271808197,0.0,0.0,0.10902408407262508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29371932902899583,0.1319792227798992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13394057520855845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08747788191676482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07172470244523561,0.0,0.0,0.13819089822459327,0.0,0.0,0.09218284075341558,0.0,0.0,0.3457272934855413,0.11549695255736425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147476392702068,0.0,0.1384501374045671,0.13177756429479587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677126788578863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15312497986391818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11395601133842265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.262396534149595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399931120319826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.312675577224887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12015577117681304,0.0,0.1515317878793441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15220247820208868,0.15000166887440627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860750020654555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11271845322227045,0.0,0.0,0.15395597151894785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25213184894735313 ptsd,switchbratt,2019/04/12,"What do you do for a living What do you all do for a living? Cuz I can barely hold down a part time job as a nanny (where I literally only see 1 MAYBE 2 people a day). It's impossible. I want to DO something with my life but feel completely unable, and COMPLETELY judged when people hear what I do. I'm exhausted and tired of feeling like shit for my life ending up like this. It's not my fault I have these problems. But no one gives a shit. Sorry in a really bad mood.",0.6673000000000009,2.584327130000002,3.2960000000000003,89.24300000000002,82.7,6.4,18.0,7.554174236665415,0.34690000000000065,363,8,81,6,10,127,67,100,0.266,0.624,0.11,-0.9666,1,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,0,2,9,2,0,7,0,8,6,2,1,1,13,15,7,0,2,3,0,2,2,0,0,4,1,0,0,7,3,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,6,0,1,0,4,10,2,10,15,2,8,0,0,1,0,4,4,2,0,6,54,17,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703988173285112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36928438552244003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11357281838511335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15597629532980387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17808742902198746,0.12580907298011434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893546037873594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984825435537744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17475651925579164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487755991274009,0.17207150337510815,0.0,0.3110069577252043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17692061638696568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11933295068851447,0.13393538971692626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19070398646184647,0.0,0.24417734034252625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1685082002883573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281703686251307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403324672029812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3615374282470104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1355738294601784,0.0,0.1971345432130203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10268793626322703,0.20240618936967264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387098276868896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Plz_Can_You_Not,2019/05/03,"Just about to start emdr, honestly feeling like shit since I had to speak about what happened. How to handle it? I have been depressed since the event happened (a year and a half ago), I got better recently but this past week I've been feeling terrible. How do I deal with this? I feel like I've taken a step backwards",3.5604761904761917,5.183741238095241,4.120825396825399,87.96028571428577,73.12698412698413,6.944761904761903,26.885714285714286,7.554174236665415,1.4107676190476188,250,9,50,3,5,79,44,63,0.13,0.6829999999999999,0.187,0.1803,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,5,7,1,0,4,0,5,1,1,2,0,9,13,4,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,4,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,5,4,5,4,6,8,0,9,0,1,0,0,2,1,1,0,9,30,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19985188973480408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19939626233605412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324337812762669,0.1941837068890873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34198984260383275,0.3221296064364828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.180316630255389,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3987374964318314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22029144777944112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21522191563662213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2226092073011605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23142589543537095,0.3729967311191079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1595779182932365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18084607184736293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14518536330646192 ptsd,yolosogofukingnuts,2019/05/03,"PTSD ADA work - i need advice Hi, i was wondering if i could get some advice on what to do. Heres my situation... Just got a new job in a call center and PTSD is under the ADA. My only accomadation i can ask for is to be placed somewhere in a corner/ along the edge of the room with no one behind me. I just moved to NV ftom another state so i dont have a therapist who can give me ADA recommendation and verify my diagnosis... i havent seen a therapist in 4 years and have no money/ yime to get one now... what should i do? Im super anxious to ask because im worried they as soon as i mention ADA THEY WILL NEED the diagnosis/doctor stuff...",1.3952222222222233,3.0415603185185205,4.26861111111111,84.49625000000003,79.14814814814815,7.462962962962964,22.36111111111111,8.344100000000001,1.2160000000000002,493,15,110,10,12,177,83,135,0.07,0.898,0.032,-0.4019,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,2,2,6,1,0,0,9,0,15,0,0,0,0,14,25,7,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,4,5,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,0,0,2,3,1,16,1,17,18,1,15,0,0,1,0,9,9,0,3,4,76,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28562162743759345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15324535784231735,0.0,0.16510180192048252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27325094970962793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08908839295051334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14922997864915044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11668457285026695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958519288525432,0.0,0.0,0.1712803851859106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15270904536050128,0.14019521913621355,0.0,0.0,0.11688518883071368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31572249752846665,0.0,0.14502596706233897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15532858352571746,0.0,0.21672874127165925,0.0,0.14114736735403385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1980627292155302,0.11114955539448207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1526900038595678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3416704381792454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642726559340329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1673006045687943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3393702941713472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584875868225353,0.10639501087336063,0.14841693741955111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411233218753212 ptsd,Sevilla86,2019/05/03,Frozen I cant move and so frozen and hiding here for some days trying to snap out of it. I just kept seeing him over and over and I cant talk. So trying to write to help. So sick too right now cannot eat or move. I need help and dont know how to find it,-1.2010000000000003,0.2519862333333336,0.8966666666666683,106.445,86.66666666666666,4.0,10.0,3.1291,-2.255,194,0,56,0,6,64,39,60,0.102,0.807,0.091,-0.1672,0,0,0,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,0,0,8,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,0,15,8,10,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,6,1,1,2,0,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,9,7,1,8,0,0,1,0,5,4,0,2,2,35,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1682447046436087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057470304525165,0.0,0.0,0.2669432850448825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2384377325517795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3497219998947034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337170626094636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5545439789364788,0.0,0.19343770445634315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2227883555240176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20788596102647394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20968382528131693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35423802564616863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MeiMarieMei,2019/05/03,"Looking for coping ideas? TLDR: Struggling with cPTSD. Can't eat. Can't stand touch. Looking for coping skills or ideas to help deal with anxiety/panic. I have cPTSD among a slew of other diagnosises. After 5 years, I finally got into trauma therapy a few months ago. But I'm relocating, so I had my last session yesterday (05/02). It went fairly well and I'm glad I took the small amount of time to even talk about my past. But, I've been struggling with suicidal ideation so I decided to try medication since I'm bordering my red zone. Accwpting medication as treatment isn't easy, especially after having adverse or allergic reactions numerous times. I know it's going to take time to start working but I haven't been able to eat in three days due to anxiety. (I have AFRID as well, so food is an obstacle I love and hate). The other obstacle is intimacy. Not even sexually too. My fiance is very patient and works with me well, but I feel so guilty. We tried having sex for the first time in about 2 months and normally, I could get through it with maybe a little crying and bearing the physical pain it causes and then I'm good, we're good. I couldn't do that today. I didn't cry. I just shook, almost passed out, and finally said, ""I need to stop, it hurts too much."" So we did. We cuddled, which was nice, and then I had to go to my morning class. He went to sleep. I know that I shouldn't feel guilty. I feel like I'm failing him. Like he's having to help clean up the damage my ex and past has caused. And then I'm angry at those people involved all over again and so disgusted. Intimacy is important to me. I need it just as much as the next person. But physical touch of any sort makes my skin crawl and my stomach turn. Even at the doctors office, when they're just trying to do their job! Even if I repeat it like it's supposed to make sense, it doesn't stop the panic. I get uncomfortable, I scream internally and then go home, hide in bed, and try to come to terms with feeling attacked though I wasn't and I was in a safe place. I'm not sure what to do to calm down. Normally, deep breathing helps but it's not doing the trick lately. My ESA is wonderful, but I've had 7 doctors recommend a service animal. There's a lot of obstacles to getting one (cost mostly). Anyway, I don't understand why I've regressed so much in just a few weeks. I want to eat. I want to hug my fiance and not feel disgusted. I want to leave my house without fearing everyone and everything. I want to be stronger. And it's okay that I'm not right now, to a degree (really, the no eating thing is NOT okay). So, anyone have any suggestions or techniques that work for them? I'm open to ideas anyhow. Thanks for taking the time to read, too.",1.8432588176850475,4.058325473588344,3.5418890544792205,87.44771684053656,80.23861566484517,6.979976817353867,22.550124192747145,8.061468544071445,1.236473661202186,2131,69,442,41,55,709,269,549,0.16,0.6759999999999999,0.16399999999999998,-0.5485,1,0,0,0,0,0,85.0,3,0,2,6,30,35,5,5,20,2,37,19,4,4,2,91,84,47,1,12,22,1,8,3,0,1,6,2,3,1,21,31,5,3,13,1,1,9,18,17,3,3,15,13,49,18,65,65,10,65,0,3,3,4,19,19,0,10,39,271,70,11,0.07025930549917221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06228063512110075,0.0,0.07035454552176873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0955574740673654,0.0,0.05374817639869085,0.0,0.0,0.04912694001524248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079930102967976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443513211281446,0.0,0.06052217050346776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056096338389367936,0.0,0.1543530959360361,0.045311439639643514,0.07243425889389482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14382675264017822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2875712391219996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18562243460364647,0.0,0.0,0.06713577730084963,0.06314453343648482,0.0,0.0,0.07906125193621573,0.17762607958152918,0.05019326188708166,0.0,0.15393126985324354,0.0,0.05976252936561303,0.08495783109610447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11012276183226932,0.0,0.11978994732453052,0.11786034404506865,0.05619278491739265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06936651835148716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14127999442049222,0.0,0.07047581200928398,0.0,0.0,0.08106980535111813,0.07521403967438364,0.2379426117495222,0.0,0.0,0.06972151951924196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07722535372553678,0.057270711366413415,0.07925555688300648,0.07439445988076565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10297544319688076,0.07041828189200289,0.0,0.0,0.11800024272209407,0.0,0.0,0.0597319490388552,0.06341176631943367,0.0,0.0937972639862916,0.0,0.07058491586642965,0.0,0.0,0.14155771727317987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11216061467313077,0.0,0.15494602104358174,0.10419276955041754,0.0,0.0,0.07472156847281211,0.0,0.13767840385230476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04760952373135724,0.0,0.07476085470047766,0.0824341567902334,0.0,0.0,0.13414091421017438,0.0487089559615494,0.06134771553413072,0.07340602031574063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07027831866505754,0.0,0.04500991019510743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0600010630059699,0.06683268874878083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058119223548544985,0.0,0.07031004592934306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0497298980549749,0.0,0.0,0.11747985080150665,0.0,0.14690056207689234,0.0,0.07685227666936764,0.0,0.06621856394824331,0.0,0.10565250771384488,0.05647176838504365,0.0,0.06468532886824417,0.08034763899749359,0.0,0.04667716063489588,0.0,0.06902941092695829,0.0,0.2048438302346761,0.0,0.06659760640825442,0.0,0.07806067358469249,0.19080582596799853,0.07642194891563969,0.0,0.07314241485212876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05797128518654,0.16576303495699166,0.0,0.0563577768954591,0.0,0.18951466034141176,0.13026216019118692,0.06339809507710653,0.0,0.0,0.06772746329203846,0.07619321975253672,0.1534488335630617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04524468919965136 ptsd,annichaaa,2019/05/03,"Recognising PTSD Symptoms Hello everyone, For the last month I have been a witness to 3 epileptic seizures that have happened very randomly to a family member. Ever since this has occurred I am constant on edge, I’m in panic, constantly shaking and have had nightmares where my family member is going to have a seizure and I can’t do anything to help. I have not been able to sleep or properly eat. I waking up almost every night at 2am and 4am and can’t get back to sleep after the nightmares. I am someone who suffers from panic attacks but haven’t had a seriously one since last year. I take antidepressants for it but since the seizures have occurred I feel like i am getting to a point where they are not working and feel out of breath. I have been feeling empty. Is this PTSD or could it be something else? Thank you guys!",4.537962962962961,5.998789524691357,5.116975308641977,82.42138888888894,70.41975308641976,7.622222222222224,30.78395061728395,8.07648339933343,2.21615061728395,661,28,123,9,12,212,99,162,0.09300000000000001,0.8420000000000001,0.066,-0.2714,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,1,4,8,1,3,8,0,25,6,4,0,1,19,35,9,0,1,6,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,6,6,1,0,3,0,0,2,5,6,0,1,5,3,13,2,17,28,0,20,0,1,0,0,6,8,0,4,11,85,19,1,0.13317302305003215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1333535457812835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10959005089322904,0.0,0.0,0.15150353920123968,0.0,0.10240183444534283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2878254546677963,0.0,0.10632782251793993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362692492618347,0.11124897236922286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1204626236482106,0.1122040156250388,0.12725253052883098,0.0,0.0,0.2510873480720728,0.0,0.2020088455671672,0.09513883427617116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13915481605963018,0.0,0.0756852979728538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13186223025238986,0.1177644644724808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08926307018358966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21710757630477776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06506161223302086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10629743645378477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12497386074446475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0902414869636278,0.0,0.0,0.3124996976369219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589155210739145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3113442747651662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304863025171041,0.0,0.2665383980292132,0.0,0.11283707026749795,0.10252309938915573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841776198879632,0.10012953974641366,0.0,0.0,0.12260782726454768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10988169102351912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09695154686347293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08575906059515068 ptsd,dustymink,2019/05/03,"It was a bad day. I took a nap today and wound up having the worst nightmare/night terror I’ve had in months. It was so realistic and it shook me to the core. I texted my partner to please come upstairs because I needed comforting/grounding. I lay there for 15 minutes panicking and nothing, no response, so I eventually forced myself up and went down to the middle level of our home. I started tidying but needed a break because I still wasn’t with it entirely. He eventually emerges from the basement and was like I just got your text. I asked for a hug and I wrap my arms around him tight focusing on where I was what I could see feel etc. He didn’t hug back and immediately I felt him being uncomfortable with hugging (he’s not a very touchy person) so I let go and sat down. Despite me being in distress he starts talking about leaving to go for a drive. I’m listening and responding to him. I clear off a seat next to me and he huffs and says “or not” as he grudgingly sits next to me. I cling to his arm and receive nothing back, I’m shaking. I feel so awkward. I needed just the smallest bit of reassurance. I had explained what happened and still nothing. I give up and curl up in the corner of the sectional with the dog and just make myself small into a tight comforting space with the dog laying in front of me. He proceeds to leave and go for his drive for an hour. I have the vacuum cleaner just chilling in the middle of the floor unable to bring myself to get up just yet. He comes home and immediately goes to his man cave, doesn’t ask how I am or anything. He’s been so passive aggressive the past few days and I don’t know why. This is all after about a month ago he was unfaithful, then I had a littler emergency trip to get stitches. I work full time, I take care of the kid and animals. I’m not in therapy anymore cause he didn’t like my therapist so I have my meds to rely on in case of an emergency. Id much rather have a hug and watch some bad tv than pop a klonopin to get though the tv and pretend I have this.",2.898237639553429,4.327764916267944,4.311722488038278,86.71039074960129,74.47846889952153,7.363317384370013,26.781499202551842,8.00094639256281,1.5325795853269542,1597,59,339,24,33,530,214,418,0.096,0.792,0.11199999999999999,0.8973,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,1,1,0,1,24,18,1,5,29,0,25,7,2,3,2,59,60,34,0,5,12,0,5,2,1,0,1,2,3,4,8,29,0,3,5,4,0,15,9,9,0,0,17,9,48,9,56,39,9,67,0,0,2,4,33,29,0,3,23,224,56,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09508834541156964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10638297397519472,0.0,0.0,0.08827403538875621,0.09549300511500693,0.2005658605809392,0.0,0.0,0.16496795254723698,0.17913186841523449,0.13078154142834808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11711101139083994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936887128391967,0.11019579567035434,0.0,0.18480714086173053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564633277616192,0.0,0.0,0.1383604972933282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963435863168866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10847782766832444,0.0,0.10299598179456057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16813237685232152,0.102903118196911,0.18289196739693386,0.0,0.08579358465875317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0948584695385334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.215201028135604,0.0,0.10563930067964833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05895276352999644,0.0,0.0,0.2271667937905376,0.0,0.1096907997518037,0.0,0.1048133660655515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07160352988730924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915274098617601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1712437140192113,0.0,0.07885576172268187,0.2386179437910429,0.0,0.0,0.2281656344326449,0.10066558885691672,0.0,0.3087852531797358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240131269887534,0.0,0.0936639896747578,0.0,0.11775020125018483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08530537605174095,0.0,0.0,0.08548026818690439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15185245668541675,0.0,0.17133185394825656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0806536584570643,0.0862195288753549,0.0,0.0,0.12267254556961465,0.1245486889952508,0.0,0.0,0.10539218903302312,0.0,0.06254997511476743,0.0,0.10167937737658604,0.0,0.11918087024077607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850894951619914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0994403256986076,0.09679445226281903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07809380695660974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,I_am_freddie_mercury,2019/05/03,"SOS: Hotline for sexual trauma? Sorry if this isn’t the right place but I am in a moment of crisis. I’m having flashbacks to being raped. My medications aren’t working my therapist is on vacation and my husband is at work and I’m scared and i need help and I don’t know what to do. Is there a hotline or something? I can’t find one other than for veterans. I’m so sorry if I didn’t do this right. I really need help. I’m fucking scared.",-1.160283687943263,0.8704709148936196,2.168893617021279,90.67433333333337,100.48936170212768,5.059858156028369,17.968794326241134,6.742157984588678,0.3861909219858157,342,11,73,6,15,122,57,94,0.252,0.677,0.071,-0.9594,1,0,1,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,2,2,5,2,2,3,0,13,3,0,0,0,12,21,9,0,4,4,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,4,0,0,2,0,0,0,5,5,0,1,1,0,9,0,9,19,0,7,0,0,0,2,3,6,1,3,1,49,13,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1829275293771045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850294369202156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2683039329593752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10999363115986452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2016235159882436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2968077324497546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13562241259820987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20910735487775775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282170484614342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34184290392164585,0.0,0.0,0.40075710948707743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15408024129531012,0.0,0.4480885154140269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2323820248361667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2914136974726997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,skimmilked,2019/05/03,"Mental breakdowns everyday, could this be PTSD? I am happy. My life right now is okay, I'd maybe even say it's good. I laugh and enjoy most of my days, and aside from feeling like an afterthought to my parents, I'd say my home life is good. But, I have a breakdown nearly every day. I use to be severely emotionally and verbally abused daily. I'll be feeling great, then all the sudden when I'm alone, I'll disassociate and think of everything that's ever happened to me. I often imagine I'm talking to someone else, like my imaginary therapist, or a trusted teacher who I really like. I'll relive what's happened to me and express it to the imaginary people listening. It happens automatically, I dont force myself to imagine people there listening. Afterwards, I'll feel better, but I wont remember most of what I even talked about or thought about. What is this? I dont think it's PTSD. Is it just a way to purge built up feelings? I'm 16, live in America, and have not received mental help or been diagnosed with any disorders.",3.5610279557367512,5.4905549455445515,5.283721607454861,78.34470879440886,73.8019801980198,8.515317414094351,29.704135119394287,9.168548406835145,2.7988581246359927,817,36,151,19,17,278,117,202,0.045,0.8140000000000001,0.141,0.9082,1,1,0,0,1,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,10,12,0,0,6,1,15,3,0,1,2,32,31,13,0,1,7,1,4,3,0,1,3,4,1,0,12,7,0,0,11,0,0,1,4,0,0,0,2,8,18,12,18,24,3,16,0,0,0,0,11,4,0,6,13,93,30,0,0.0,0.1403131233214181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265159128581632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08053240857171719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047364403225626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0945519602028224,0.0,0.0,0.15274741847864248,0.0,0.0,0.12019790844779557,0.0,0.0,0.13572421035643836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2775841873184739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09892809011756903,0.13321110628507002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15643592392406006,0.10712132466731776,0.099777361830066,0.0,0.10643189170514362,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395150127767952,0.08460215829874346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.198656933404274,0.0,0.1305629228842597,0.0,0.0,0.3141659641218551,0.12606459335226314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07937713817243358,0.0,0.11878896847260854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1672928042444748,0.1735680132888112,0.0,0.1045705975181824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11897286610042178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23868715867627024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131495882595486,0.0,0.0,0.16420063761132553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2768627324424489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586547285779731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1341513526632873,0.10113348365252234,0.0,0.18835110062706556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13378545786538404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10034030533763112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19036951609439307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13749943872051432,0.0,0.1517626869837552,0.0,0.0940154601781069,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10228034835731936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399949127831714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,idcjaylee,2019/05/03,"This is long, but it’s something I wrote not long after my trauma, I still feel many of the emotions but am proud of how much better I can cope with my ptsd. It is detailed and I don’t want to trigger anyone, if your ptsd surrounds suicide maybe skip this. It hits me like a ton of bricks. It feels like I'm back at that day, the worst day of my life. I remember every part of that day. The day the world came crashing down around me. As I sit here and type this, all the images come to my mind. There's nothing I can do about them. They invite themselves into my mind, and torture me. They claw at me all the time, I do my best to push them out, these horrid memories, but I can't. They're too strong. This day will forever haunt me. I can barley function like a normal person anymore. I can't even play a simple game with my class mates or hear about the subject. ""Suicide"". Alot of the time I ask myself ""why me?"" What did I do? How do I fix it? I blame myself for his actions all the time. ""If I had just found a different way to talk to him"" I know he was drunk, again. And I also know that he had pulled this stunt before, just not for real. ""I'm gonna do it"". But he never did, he just sat in the basement to make me upset. This time was different. Why didn't I just try harder? Why couldn't I tell it was going to be different this time? Sure it sounded like every other time, but still, I could've stopped him right? I can't shake the words he said to me before he did it. ""You'll regret everything you've said"". Those could have been his last words to me. My own father. Too drunk to care. The flashbacks are almost too real. When I went downstairs to find him there on the floor with a cord around his neck. I put my hand on his chin and lifted his head thinking he was still pretending. Until his drool got on my hand and his head snapped back down due to the tightness of the cord. I called my mom for help. Even she thought he was still pretending because of all the other times he said he was going to while blackout drunk angrily screaming at me. ""He's just messing with you Jaylee"". But he wasn't. I yelled up the stairs for her to come down. She didn't know what to do. I watched her struggle to untie the cord, she couldn't. She had to run back upstairs to get some scissors. When she was ready to cut the cord I didn't know how to support his fall, I tried to hold him up by standing in front of him and holding his shoulders. I couldn't. He was too heavy. I dropped him and he hit his head on the floor. I had my mom help me pick him up onto my lap. And screamed for her to call 911. While she was calling all I could was sit there, my limp, lifeless father in my lap. He was a blueish color and breathing extremely heavy. But, he was BREATHING. His dead weight was so heavy. And the cord marks on his neck are burned into my mind. I remember just whispering ""I'm sorry"" and ""I love you"" over and over as my tears fell from my eyes onto his cheek. My mom told me that the lady on the phone said to place him flat on his back so he could breathe easier. The police and paramedics came. I could hear the sirens coming down the road. I had to fill out a police statement talking about what happened while they hauled my dad into an ambulance. My mom sent me to a friends house while she went to the hospital. I couldn't bare to see him. I remember my mom telling me the doctors didn't know why he hadn't woken up yet. She told me that we might have to pull the plug if he doesn't wake up soon. He did wake up. But he was all drugged up and in diapers. He couldn't even dress himself. I remember going to see him in the hospital. His speech was slurred. But he managed to spit out ""I love you Jaylee"" I held in my tears and my words as hard as possible. They made me hug him. I broke when I got to the waiting room. That was the last time I saw him for about a month. He was in Concord for a while. The important thing to know is, my dad didn't do this because he was depressed. He did this because he was drunk. When he got drunk he wanted to get ""revenge"" for no reason. When he was drunk he wasn't my dad. I didn't know who he was. The worst part about that? He was always drunk. You'd think he would get better after almost dying right? Wrong. But maybe I'll explain that some other time.",0.8963661000246361,2.8629772815964536,2.054808573540281,98.1812914510963,82.17073170731706,4.98449864498645,19.223996058142397,5.953557352011769,-0.3470782360187239,3316,83,776,22,90,1050,335,902,0.124,0.779,0.09699999999999999,-0.9793,3,0,2,0,0,2,124.0,1,6,6,5,47,32,2,3,46,0,80,31,17,8,8,127,143,51,4,17,22,10,8,4,2,5,3,12,1,1,36,34,8,6,21,11,0,22,23,15,0,0,64,27,142,17,108,61,17,123,0,3,6,3,125,50,0,10,50,504,178,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1048876664367266,0.0,0.0,0.041882540586862985,0.043578397715498665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0519397834852058,0.036620306898162494,0.0,0.0,0.0932458611503304,0.04896153483886887,0.0,0.0,0.1610859222510377,0.0,0.09577799000853847,0.0,0.08913085743551692,0.0,0.054962063593531216,0.09263904047843634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043557337454906,0.1198011515236481,0.053397600031680564,0.0,0.0,0.13534369068940072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20907725242448008,0.0,0.0,0.16888074293722327,0.0,0.045108649660727036,0.0,0.054354738485186085,0.16415540992179406,0.0,0.0536058201489372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060735866196605925,0.0,0.0,0.0589123949091358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10377529905578144,0.0,0.08825275169692648,0.0,0.0470693308532529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05296256225504648,0.037415166789433116,0.0,0.0,0.04786782621528548,0.0,0.0,0.05742411494390697,0.040463125649869966,0.0,0.08208794061913349,0.0,0.08929407435061015,0.0,0.12566203157568262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04631312874105424,0.0,0.0469157768496669,0.0,0.1612489277525982,0.0,0.11805599224197764,0.0,0.07020882028806562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06043122472539751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2014791992957032,0.08538170811629739,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03699248517618477,0.10234689511631312,0.0,0.0,0.09269662923063056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09453706430124637,0.04955644677379839,0.034959276848102384,0.053097838707161206,0.10523111272990507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05555930598059189,0.15864491332292824,0.3066921814570548,0.041803500583816315,0.0,0.03850006290848836,0.0,0.04039316227455645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05131426260984548,0.05025315171617457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11342936231646167,0.0,0.0,0.04572994307530654,0.05471846997393135,0.0,0.0,0.05904250703488555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1224420927363773,0.05264916887176476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11922351376773195,0.0,0.05384800138217661,0.0,0.0,0.23731286935735324,0.08945223703380935,0.1992742533567421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08346874421691522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04031917032197279,0.0,0.058627105657472735,0.0,0.0,0.16730006815312967,0.04378603867212877,0.0,0.05475146289489303,0.0,0.11457477125917205,0.059432077278516036,0.04936078113938885,0.0,0.0,0.08419060860296251,0.09155233977515392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.034794187202670614,0.06711680127425383,0.0,0.04157818422229805,0.2748512133813071,0.0,0.0,0.10008898448961008,0.0,0.07111543994738466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06178171498787079,0.04157112200236072,0.0,0.06377600882119412,0.0,0.09710029327979354,0.18903336521771488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03720416231787763,0.057261478039723465,0.0,0.0 ptsd,106436,2019/04/07,"Nightmares that not only remind of me of the traumatic, but makes the traumatic (tw: sexual abuse) I have PTSD from past sexual abuse. It’s happened three times, all with three different men and different circumstances. Not the things I plan on getting into today. The thing I came here to say is that I have nightmares. But from what I know they aren’t your typical trauma ones. I’ve only have two that contain my real assaulters, but more than I can count of friends and family that my brain has twisted into some crazy narrative. They are scary and I often wake up in a panicked frenzy. This has effected me greatly and despite knowing they’re dreams, I can’t be around those people anymore. I get flashbacks and panic attacks. It’s sad because sometimes it’s someone I really love, but it’s hard to forget something like that, even if it is a dream. Has anyone else experienced this? Is there anyway to help deal with these nightmares?",4.953498376623376,6.935253846590912,5.202629870129872,80.15340909090912,70.19318181818181,7.983116883116884,29.048701298701296,8.634040054169528,2.39654512987013,751,29,129,13,14,237,115,176,0.245,0.66,0.095,-0.9851,3,0,1,0,2,0,21.0,0,1,2,2,6,9,2,1,6,0,14,3,2,2,1,28,22,10,0,1,7,0,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,1,17,11,0,1,3,2,0,1,4,5,0,4,1,3,17,4,17,20,3,10,0,1,0,1,9,6,0,3,4,95,34,0,0.0,0.358300364421978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14995220424406094,0.10572427089607647,0.15492478156284664,0.0,0.13460224011244054,0.0,0.17201461878789215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09217161204851004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1687919434032121,0.0,0.17293532564555894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15588308995183964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3159487635442522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631024775743346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0998677943015392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14254021618501891,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1168186402534897,0.0,0.15799408227158215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667012384232488,0.0,0.0,0.13370782999390354,0.0,0.13544769886139166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10134781715608528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1661938279646722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07386988109316174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13646611733347164,0.0,0.10092881160439343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10245869542547266,0.22999255817478625,0.0,0.17740350041904113,0.0,0.0,0.1443398504751531,0.104824742871144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17674757638627028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17210149414933315,0.09686416326763203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1202422595913678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12811334790948198,0.1164030355419875,0.14954309243240732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20090438256859752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08816736638757207,0.0,0.14332224597648427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14770282618177882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,imruiningeverything,2019/04/07,"I was diagnosed in preschool yet never got any real help I was severely traumatized from witnessing my “father” attack my mother constantly. She got away when I was three but the damage was done. This wasn’t slapping or hitting. This was intense beatings that resulted in blood and vomit coming from her. By the time we were away and I was in preschool, I was not ok. I was exhibiting extreme signs of PTSD and by the end of preschool I had a therapist going there once a week to talk to me and observe. More bad things happened that I get flashes of but the main time I ALWAYS go back to was when my mom was unconscious and I could smell blood and vomit. I was not able to understand death but I live through the INTENSE feeling she wasn’t going to wake up constantly. I literally was in therapy from preschool into early adulthood and doctors have always mentioned the PTSD but never ever offered any sort of counseling or therapy for it. Always meds for the insomnia. Meds for the anxiety. Meds for the depression. I have tried countless times to get help for this and it results in a prescription. I have gone to the ER and ended up in mental hospitals and it results in a prescription. I feel like I get blown off or maybe because of how I look or that I’m a woman, I get labeled as not in immediate danger or some shit. It is effecting me now more than ever. I am TORTURING my boyfriend and ruining his life because of the demon inside me. I am two different people. I feel this so strong at this point in my life. And the real me has to deal with the embarrassment, shame, guilt, everything the demon me does. I need help. I tried in the last two years, I called a crisis center during a bad anxiety episode. I told them I need REAL HELP NOT MEDS for this. I was out the next day after an episode I had there. They told me they can’t help me, to find somewhere else, they didn’t even give me any resources. I am mentally crippled. I no longer leave the house. My boyfriend takes care of me and I treat him bad. I’m abusing him. It doesn’t matter that I’m sick, it’s still abuse. I ruined his life today. I am ruining everything. I just want help. I don’t understand why I’m begging for it and it’s not coming. I don’t know if anyone on here can relate but I truly do not believe I’m the only person with PTSD who gets cast aside while seeking help. I really need help. I cannot ask enough. Please God, anybody, please help me. Tell me what I have to say to be heard. I won’t keep living like this. I refuse. One way or another, I will not keep this going. Whether I go to a real fucking loony bin, or a grave, this is not going to continue. I want to be admitted into a hospital or facility that will treat this. I have been unsuccessful. I’m 30 years old. I started being vocal about the flashbacks and shrieking taking over my life in my teens. It’s embarrassing when I start yelling over nothing. I need help. I refused to seriously date anyone until my mid twenties because I’m ashamed of what is inside of me. I fell in love and now I torture him. This isn’t normal. I live in Massachusetts in the cape. If anyone reading this can please tell me if I can get real help in this area, please please please tell me.",1.895642180317104,4.186042513931891,3.4613284548269085,87.67986959377052,80.51702786377709,6.577690214841918,24.029364855990238,7.740228189696982,1.3201401444788443,2528,92,509,43,66,834,282,646,0.172,0.6809999999999999,0.147,-0.9765,1,0,0,0,2,0,69.0,1,0,4,3,18,29,6,5,31,1,51,16,4,5,4,88,105,41,2,11,26,3,3,2,0,3,10,3,0,2,31,24,0,4,9,1,0,10,21,21,1,4,27,8,91,8,71,70,5,77,2,6,1,2,48,31,2,13,37,346,122,2,0.052669875606388326,0.12481037990355022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13147666740083694,0.0,0.0,0.10745196461801304,0.05522895694435151,0.08058462135019588,0.0,0.0,0.11048400497877717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04923922378139683,0.05991958717238824,0.09897016383696898,0.040499883223916,0.13193143832748128,0.09632120191663028,0.0,0.0,0.05934091348220635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05378183183924492,0.0,0.05370044844391125,0.0,0.0,0.09074086825079217,0.0,0.11383484842879618,0.0,0.04205260988491676,0.0,0.0,0.0339677124960268,0.05430032902370942,0.04536448668185751,0.053458815048312534,0.0,0.055028809797096914,0.0,0.0539098494968629,0.046091763079178685,0.05389956933555993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043998922618315416,0.0,0.09329975307987264,0.05442206104662568,0.0,0.03478795609659208,0.09528583578652784,0.0,0.0,0.09467257604367492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07989441497784065,0.037627369657142584,0.0,0.0,0.048139312108989175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048692451287037496,0.16510701681233927,0.0505257440127152,0.17960102450922089,0.0,0.08424982201426616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046575797053793784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3883385812419707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060773964856908724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09363081094712004,0.0,0.0,0.028945986197026118,0.042932978373859725,0.0,0.0557697933374895,0.0,0.0,0.14880916309626435,0.051463681526203134,0.0,0.13952539535188307,0.0,0.04422943026222733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047536619104003065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05291396935906286,0.0,0.2340174329007498,0.0,0.10615769304857624,0.0,0.0,0.06168632173998065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1562161815382657,0.08124451012496528,0.0,0.05601501023410501,0.0,0.051605295220804766,0.05053816615873007,0.0,0.05526817442217502,0.05609169856201997,0.035690470817983294,0.0400578137941515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03651465998965903,0.045989303807690375,0.0,0.34689424169409444,0.04979005685633762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18470479809354892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052684128822740935,0.2997492467164976,0.033741671002696566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04188519909621216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05950196755117116,0.054064870423507334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07456001808912731,0.0,0.04206223069571365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07920238321821664,0.042334050912986414,0.13810737839617002,0.0,0.12046518596215965,0.06115378510932455,0.0349915249920644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09213668407801412,0.0,0.04992488354794937,0.10065664651967277,0.0,0.07151877639060257,0.0,0.10290163047037676,0.1096623960183569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06213211452413954,0.041806895675439534,0.04224859721352341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0475263704596756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678353460816209 ptsd,throwsoveryfaraway86,2019/04/07,"Previous fugue episodes - tracker suggestion? My husband has depression, anxiety, ptsd. He had a short dissociative fugue episode 3 months ago which lasted about an hour. A few days ago he had an episode where he ended up driving his car and was about 1000 miles away when he started to come back to himself. Hope I’m describing this correctly- it’s kind of new to us. He was completely confused and scared about where he was. Our family and friends were all terrified as he seemingly disappeared during regular daily activities. His psychiatrist wants him wearing a tracker along with a car tracker and alert bracelet. Any suggestions for a personal tracker? Considering an Apple watch with a cellular plan. Also, if something like this happened to you, do you have advice? He’s been doing CBT but his doctor wants him to consider EMDR. ",5.479591836734698,8.420674612244904,5.602959183673471,73.59382653061226,71.58503401360544,9.642176870748301,34.98979591836735,9.957137785484203,4.353865306122448,676,36,105,20,14,213,105,147,0.08199999999999999,0.867,0.05,-0.5745,0,0,1,0,0,0,18.0,2,2,0,1,8,7,0,2,9,0,11,2,1,0,2,17,19,9,0,4,2,1,0,1,1,0,1,0,0,1,4,8,0,0,1,0,0,5,0,3,0,0,7,1,11,4,16,12,2,22,0,1,1,0,24,6,0,4,12,64,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18545509059364407,0.33646478743340186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15177049270398252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12905988007842212,0.0,0.14518452414425925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17830866361841866,0.14593246639975732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16348243072555133,0.19898530190956012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12239521865030573,0.0,0.16346100041426972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19425234529247185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16809262147938686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17891181434591175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14662693404397145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16782569226226704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18849870239339114,0.18689937601683404,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1976312173074086,0.0,0.15469959232586122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09271905715885508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15148407406658304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1832949278703772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571239219526512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22184777334323816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1900072632498957,0.0,0.0,0.1727725633083018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461052806118688,0.0,0.0,0.13433035441607866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22828723045255625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22387947799774305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,meraki1003,2019/04/07,"I think my mum is the biggest trigger of my PTSD Hi! I've come to the realisation that my mum's actions are actually one of the biggest triggers of my PTSD. As I'm 17 and I'm still living at home it's difficult to avoid the conversations and things that get to me the most. I've discussed with her how I difficult I find these things but I don't believe she understands it all. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do. It doesn't feel like I have many options anymore.",1.2796000000000018,3.34870776,3.414000000000001,88.397,81.4,6.4,25.0,7.554174236665415,1.2221000000000002,376,15,82,6,10,128,64,100,0.08900000000000001,0.9109999999999999,0.0,-0.7233,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,1,5,0,8,0,0,3,1,16,15,5,0,0,1,2,1,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,9,4,0,1,4,0,0,2,2,3,0,1,0,1,13,1,10,15,2,7,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,2,2,53,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.2111046774962793,0.0,0.0,0.21139297276492372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14711028760187198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21453899813508315,0.15126139206122888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24372729377146515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18634720090608506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1893098710691784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10938180988086978,0.1545445872016078,0.0,0.0,0.19771964359567884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1130223203209753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21699437066225244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10568681108742234,0.0,0.1910213657884068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21932238363329531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14658928141550898,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5057511245249513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1727596198958306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2874370882008657,0.13861408670976902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22520481605042406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Im_Your_Turbo_Lover,2019/04/07,"Private disciplinary schools (TW: physical restraint, corporal punishment) Did anyone here get sent to a private disciplinary school (mine also had some intellectually disabled kids) as a child? (I live in the US). They were allowed to physically restrain us if they deemed us a threat to ourselves or others, but most of the time they took it too far and put excessive pressure on us as a form of corporal punishment. I remember being 8 years old and having a 160lb woman sit on top of me while I cried in a puddle of my own tears and snot, and she taunted me after she got off me like it wasn't a big deal. I could barely fucking move and it makes me so angry. This is just one time of many. Another time, I walked in to school with my fists balled, got called out by the teacher, and 30 minutes later (after I had calmed down) he took me in another room and slammed me against a corner while he gave me a 'lecture' about not balling my fists in his room. I wasn't much older and this guy was probably 3-400 lbs. But I don't feel like I was abused. I mean growing up, we were told this was allowed and I'm pretty sure it still is done there. I feel so bad for those kids because instead of getting their emotions validated they are being punished for acting out.",6.169011428571429,5.850037684000004,6.572685714285715,79.74520000000003,66.16,9.542857142857144,33.457142857142856,9.04235418022936,2.705194285714285,991,39,198,15,14,322,154,250,0.13,0.777,0.09300000000000001,-0.9279999999999999,2,0,0,0,1,0,28.0,5,0,5,1,10,11,5,1,12,0,19,1,0,3,1,31,34,20,0,2,6,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,5,9,13,0,1,4,2,0,8,4,7,0,1,18,2,35,4,32,13,5,39,0,0,0,1,25,18,1,4,14,138,44,4,0.0,0.13536222569907114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09136207816379817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.239592717874996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07988310389799096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0953902132471576,0.06964299114395395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11665742008892455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09121572860968716,0.0,0.12549330770254855,0.0,0.11778208508813465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169128028473418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12851080075579893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11553190624778685,0.08161700185398822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561811583380196,0.11937710785231727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18274511192762227,0.0,0.0,0.11312099809568366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162915263038747,0.0,0.10088086194416758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07625975261271557,0.11582699669881133,0.0,0.12444683230307747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12142487712056232,0.08398358140336294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1198814250207612,0.0,0.07741570164121497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11622873670733895,0.12317596252461648,0.0,0.0,0.11484827363194736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12941787088187284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468676095920972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09123659697598012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10767502356572674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1998523942474981,0.0,0.0,0.10916646287621794,0.2538618890726109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5496930377127557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07357035074943939 ptsd,riemuidiootti,2019/04/07,"PTSD and sex I have PTSD because of rape. My boyfriend has some bad experiences too. Problem is that he said he's not pleased about our sex life. He doesn't want to suggest things he would want to do because he's afraid of me having flashbacks or getting upset. I can't do certain things because of the trauma and apparently these are things he would want to do. I have tried sometimes to do those because some of those i enjoy myself too but i almost every time i get flashbacks. He said that he can see disgust in my face at some point. This makes me feel really bad, i want to be enough for him and that disgust- thing made me most upset. Because i want to do some things, i like them but i get flashbacks. Why is that? How could we talk about this more and does anyone have experiences of same kind of situation or some advice? 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To cut the story short my oldest sister died last in a medically induced coma month at 26, my middle sister adopted her two littles, one newborn my dad adopted the oldest boy. I dont want to ask them for help. They have enough financial issues and case workers and things on their plate. My reasources event aren't available til Thursday. I just need a few things. Even 1$ helps please pm me. https://www.paypal.me/robbieblum 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ptsd,Lizzyb91,2019/04/07,Easy suicidality What can help?,5.561999999999998,8.856965199999998,7.600000000000001,49.48000000000002,97.0,10.0,25.0,8.841846274778883,3.809000000000001,26,1,4,1,1,9,5,5,0.0,0.349,0.6509999999999999,0.6808,0,0,0,0,0,0,1.0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5224840120787014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.852649082050842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,lesbiangel,2019/04/07,"new to the community, (un)fortunately possible triggers will be censored hey all I never really considered myself to have childhood ptsd until I started reading more about it and realizing I meet a lot of the criteria, like reoccurring flashbacks and being unable to be productive due to said trauma replays if I’m not using the right terminology or anything I apologize, and would appreciate corrections most significantly though, I fit the criteria of attempting to recreate my traumatic event, for some reason. for me this meant seducing and sleeping with older women (between 2-8 years older) as a minor. thankfully, I’ve settled down into a serious relationship with my current girlfriend who understands the situation I’ve always considered myself a trauma survivor, but the title of having ptsd is new to me, as I initially thought it was only for combat survivors I’m glad to have found a new community of support, although it could have been with sweeter circumstances if you read all of this, then thank you for listening 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ptsd,moinwonderland,2019/04/07,"Need advice please I was diagnosed with PTSD, a psychiatric in 2016 said that I scored some 74 points on some test which she described as ""concerning and severe"" I haven't got any medication or therapy since then, I was in California now I am in Nevada. It was spousal abuse. I have been alone for about three years, I have no family members nearby not on the continent and I have no friends. I hesitated to write anything on a forum for very long partially because I have zero energy to do anything and mostly because I have no hope of achieving anything by doing so. I am extremely poor and life keeps hitting me with things that makes me feel the world conspired against me. Nothing good happens and I wake up everyday with the awful feeling of ""why did I wake up"". I blamed myself for too long. I think that God hates me. I either sit alone in bed and cry or sit alone in bed and waste my time on youtube. I have nothing to live for. I never told my parents about my problems. I forget all the time, very very badly. I barely remember anything. I can't sleep and sometimes all I want is to fall asleep but I stay in bed all night, turning from side to side and asking why. Sometimes I can't even cry and it's harder than you might think. I am extremely shy and can't socialize. I miss human affection but lost any hope in having a relationship. I can't eat. I can't get aid because the new administration makes it hard to seek assistance and in case I do I will jeopardize my legal status. most the time I just want to die but there's nothing to do. I am always sad and lost any hope in happiness. I spend long day not talking to anyone at all. I feel rejected and hated that I even hate myself. I am very very tired words can't describe it enough. Does anyone have any advice? thank you ",2.581611917494272,4.687178268907567,3.833572701807995,86.84614209320091,77.23529411764707,6.904303539597657,24.54367201426025,7.898369717300924,1.3684498599439774,1410,49,283,23,33,460,184,357,0.209,0.695,0.096,-0.9903,1,4,0,0,1,1,34.0,0,2,0,3,9,17,3,0,9,1,32,9,4,3,5,56,61,22,1,7,9,1,4,0,1,2,4,1,3,1,10,17,1,1,6,0,2,1,13,10,0,2,10,5,50,7,41,48,10,38,0,5,0,0,13,20,0,10,14,187,60,3,0.0,0.09398667825587388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15503015964617228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246469083750871,0.0,0.0,0.06600442071514764,0.0,0.0,0.21577378920607904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109312076595463,0.0,0.26110954348601123,0.0,0.07415779179083291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06623272655955831,0.14506661738796425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17426869384559387,0.051157803828802965,0.0,0.0,0.08051279795428455,0.08232640975604523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06941749091888648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116886792169903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08196351530318897,0.0,0.1047862986830589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07478017198624047,0.0,0.1203267016856502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128598821553384,0.0,0.04144382884105268,0.0,0.0,0.06653370989538797,0.06344312805464215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07014648069477238,0.08444251039666036,0.07105925953450266,0.2349498559084203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2363616752034193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07050734810777713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05602930999914624,0.0,0.0,0.07004507398393618,0.2105993210635617,0.0,0.0,0.17318434004709987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10589957125288338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07991118786235353,0.0,0.08415086370374693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0588181848494659,0.061180020756863324,0.07661219176868495,0.0,0.07444076232445586,0.0,0.2283422756700068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08808057947055611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08707458868969385,0.0749873857881777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07590292797582247,0.09272621098848598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0851649326474404,0.08985930696925791,0.0,0.07545585855476201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08961421773004788,0.0,0.06561812779785259,0.0,0.0793818860193637,0.08086143883603909,0.0,0.0,0.1569081129627893,0.0,0.0,0.0845494677861507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375810770708917,0.0,0.07303143292644401,0.09071459186975406,0.0,0.052699738653996006,0.10165599977498196,0.0,0.0,0.13876443431540406,0.091171957135005,0.0,0.07579805347977,0.0,0.0,0.08628238480025166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3272555075343373,0.09357540713601024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14315622442668133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05108244083125176 ptsd,mmxcv,2019/04/07,"Too many triggers in the past 48 hours. I just need someone to tell me I’m okay. What helps you slow down? Hi everyone, I haven’t been here in awhile but recent events have left me very on edge and stressed with triggers coming back up and I really need to vent. I won’t go into detail as it could be triggering for others but there is a chance my mom’s stalker from over 20 years ago has found her and I’m terrified. If anyone really wants to know the full story there is a post on my profile from a couple days ago, but tw: assault, r*pe, stalking - I wouldn’t advise reading it, those are not even my triggers and it’s still terrifying to talk about. All of the comments on my post are stressing that me and my family are in immediate danger and that I need to call the police, get a gun, that I’m not safe, etc. It’s scared the shit out of me and I regret even posting it. I’m well-aware of how scary the situation is. Now I just need comfort. I live with my mom and my brother, her boyfriend (who is basically a stepdad to me) stays with us on the weekends. I’ve been on edge all week, deadbolting the doors and sleeping with a baseball bat by my bed because I’m scared shitless. I was breathing a little bit of a sigh of relief with my stepdad staying with us for the weekend because my brother works night shift and at night it’s just me and my mom alone in the house which terrifies me (I’m a female). So having him here at night for a couple days felt like I could finally breathe a little bit knowing I’m not the only one here to protect my mom if something happens. This morning I wake up to screaming and slamming doors - they got into a huge fight and he ended up leaving and now they’ve “broken up” (they go through this cycle every few months and get right back together). Some of my trauma involves my biological dad’s anger and abuse and I grew up constantly with slamming doors and screaming and walking on eggshells, and my soon-to-be ex’s wife abuse, dealing with the same thing on top of the constant gaslighting, insults, screaming, and never knowing what was going to push her over the edge. I’m already on edge and hearing others screaming and arguing takes me right back to listening to my dad scream at my mom when I was a kid, when I would listen to make sure she was safe while simultaneously try to distract my brother so that he wouldn’t overhear what they were saying. It also took me right back to my relationship with my ex which was an absolute nightmare and another story altogether. My dad’s abuse and one particular event with him are what lead to me being diagnosed with PTSD 2 years ago, but my ex’s abuse has added another layer entirely to it. Any run-in with anger is just another reminder of her and our relationship. On top of that, I’m still scared for my own physical safety because everything else going on, he left the house in a storm of anger and now it’s going to be me and my mom alone at night for the next week. My mom is really angry about his behavior and I’m doing my best to listen and support her the way that she did during my relationship with my ex, but hearing his screaming this morning pushed me over the edge. I feel so overstimulated and it was such an exhausting week, I was looking forward to at the very least feeling physically safe for a couple days and now even that is gone. I just took a Xanax to try and calm down and I’m about to smoke (CBD, can’t smoke THC). I’m so frustrated with myself, I was looking forward to the weekend to have a couple days off work and there was a lot I wanted to get done - I wanted to go out and enjoy myself and I have errands, laundry etc to do but now I feel like I can’t move and I’m wasting my days off shutting down and doing nothing. I have no idea what’s going to happen with my mom’s stalker having possibly found her and I’m taking steps to protect us that I haven’t mentioned here but I need someone to tell me that right now it’s okay and in this moment I’m safe. That I’m not a failure for shutting down and letting these emotions take me over. That it’s okay to break down. Because I feel so weak and overwhelmed right now. Thank you to anyone who reads this. I could use any kind, encouraging words right now. :(",3.3939860139860123,4.798475904428905,4.456923076923079,86.26307692307695,73.17249417249417,7.064801864801866,26.86946386946387,7.5764669431780325,1.38890303030303,3338,119,685,40,66,1089,328,858,0.187,0.721,0.092,-0.9987,0,2,3,1,5,0,75.0,4,2,3,6,45,47,10,7,41,3,51,9,5,8,4,127,116,63,0,17,18,19,5,2,0,4,4,12,4,1,42,63,0,6,11,5,0,20,13,27,1,2,21,19,96,19,112,84,14,135,0,2,2,0,71,59,1,4,55,455,138,7,0.0,0.22155267197146936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431656994136316,0.0,0.0,0.09683266656632557,0.05158705170573615,0.03738397553216837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06357983443391316,0.14705655479945695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06537390702085595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14378383191726582,0.0,0.11398741925484053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049058639036394486,0.0,0.1020723705269964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04773444547125371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040268849901566206,0.0,0.10103492534978503,0.0,0.11197227454852232,0.2069009706619032,0.0,0.15074141810298547,0.04819464131680985,0.0,0.04744774963242194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04783894421935455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03905155515705795,0.05258466890891951,0.041404428071403,0.0,0.10427168578759646,0.09262888989980844,0.0,0.03938680251788832,0.04466925949058597,0.04201365744000445,0.0,0.04406940223201837,0.0,0.09454780458493196,0.03339643823390445,0.04488495100362724,0.05120962408744563,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025124874441259,0.0,0.0,0.07327095062982733,0.0,0.18597385376191225,0.0,0.03738826288888342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267735659841048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10537570700246092,0.0,0.031333877828494484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046036891463603416,0.1078807252309734,0.0,0.05277226090880283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04868034926013613,0.07707364471315882,0.0,0.0,0.0494988747681313,0.10158263636397374,0.047802507307798815,0.0,0.045676954755005605,0.0937065938067362,0.04127891736244665,0.0,0.07851228769550038,0.0,0.0,0.03974307051720563,0.0,0.0,0.031204333166018387,0.0473946488256293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4380010513915823,0.03731342514294757,0.049685216519848696,0.0,0.17331347186291995,0.03605456997068068,0.0,0.049716518760160255,0.17547752620510929,0.0,0.04485550704058967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06335465992295268,0.03555359612833532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04462579824098409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05270080581124947,0.13431360829023034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05464535024410593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09352034278068358,0.0,0.08984297668038382,0.0,0.0461575371737682,0.15056802785610274,0.0,0.2395327642768573,0.0,0.03717550488586732,0.1404072706172743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04798565836982361,0.0,0.05254617207670395,0.046781281347778425,0.0,0.07921804542494944,0.03598852542547865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09965327453530183,0.0746652610697697,0.0,0.10709825437438256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05304853267432594,0.04405898516439173,0.0,0.10544495362924353,0.03757388649243895,0.08171878740184782,0.04303883646868751,0.0,0.0,0.03105697564713445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387643145141423,0.06347699613490773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16869453512660765,0.04037484864624523,0.0,0.07714320099091325,0.08271869694670861,0.037106006130595184,0.11249412437013462,0.0,0.0420316353932776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06806550387423503,0.0,0.0,0.033208097558021905,0.0,0.0,0.06020774149596572 ptsd,Mmmelanie,2019/04/28,"I’m not sure if this is the right place to post, but does anyone have any book or video recommendations for ptsd following a car accident? I was in a car accident three years ago, not even something very major. Ever since, I have terrible anxiety in the car and flinch/jump whenever I’m the passenger and there is a car even just sitting and waiting to pull out into the street. It was very bad at first, then got better, and is now getting worse again. Are there any books or YouTube videos that you guys would recommend for this?",5.17869625520111,6.2215873689320444,5.2709015256588065,83.48058252427188,68.51456310679612,9.380859916782248,28.30651872399445,9.606745405546679,2.3403742024965317,421,14,85,9,7,132,73,103,0.21600000000000005,0.7240000000000001,0.06,-0.9617,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,2,8,4,0,0,7,0,9,0,0,0,2,17,15,9,0,2,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,4,6,0,1,0,4,0,6,2,2,0,2,3,0,3,2,9,11,1,23,0,0,0,0,2,8,0,3,7,53,7,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1886235365114647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2894059873288344,0.0,0.16278207654193114,0.0,0.0,0.14878616998114275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17766891608083835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18819350779671115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18621202854331426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28108865623100826,0.19247873793386952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1809971850462555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11117283752177033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17018583379789026,0.0,0.0,0.2106933660538973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223179504554594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20379188236345766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24873753889314884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18171960958052014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760202583629851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1638144362281328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005499733639755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35114442255567674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21684893647023515,0.15115834048107127,0.0,0.0,0.13702835991646642 ptsd,Sapphira45,2019/04/28,"Whenever someone gets mad at me, even if it's deserved, I get angry and want to fight them... I grew up with an abusive father who was ALWAYS yelling at me for anything and everything. I witnessed domestic violence and am just now coming to terms with the fact that I'm a survivor of child abuse. I was diagnosed with PTSD a year and a half ago. &#x200B; Now as an adult, I'm starting to realize just how angry, anxious and defensive my upbringing has made me. I get angry at the drop of a hat because now that I'm not living at home anymore, I finally feel like I have a right to express my anger at people who wrong me, because I was never allowed to do that living with my father lest I get treated worse. I have a lot of pent up anger against him. When someone is rude to me or talks down to me or even gets mad at me in anyway, I want to turn around and spew anger at them and hurt them. Sometimes I want to cuss them out or just scream at them and it takes every ounce of energy I have not to. I should also mention that because of my anxiety issues, I'm always ""inside my own head"" and don't really pay attention as much as I should, so at times I will leave dishes in the sink at home or forget to do things...this morning my roommate snapped at me about being the only one who cleans (I do clean, but admit that I don't always do as much as I should...again, anxiety and not always paying attention) and I just wanted to go off on her...anytime someone gets snappy with me like that, I just want to run away and cry first, then the anger comes off as a defense mechanism. The next time I move, I want to live by myself...",6.184942226890755,4.839159556547621,6.868235294117646,81.02382352941176,66.5297619047619,9.810644257703082,31.96708683473389,8.671277953709913,2.3255219187675067,1265,41,268,16,17,420,168,336,0.165,0.767,0.068,-0.9846,1,0,0,0,4,0,46.0,0,0,5,1,17,16,10,0,15,0,19,3,1,3,2,57,44,29,0,9,14,2,1,2,0,3,1,2,4,2,11,21,1,2,5,0,2,6,6,13,0,3,4,3,45,3,56,36,5,45,0,1,0,0,18,23,0,6,17,191,56,2,0.0,0.2282506787927974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08538328221399942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07702834468446035,0.3205891326543669,0.10436440788962403,0.11704128079272327,0.0,0.0,0.14737151299160145,0.10881598544573858,0.095525139809441,0.0,0.0,0.07926446551513645,0.08574664087283056,0.0,0.0,0.09049730917203937,0.0,0.0,0.1761502507772079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16594505031149234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10580474914301237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09776439132438586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1272390100726761,0.0,0.08115509806483917,0.0,0.08656763869211194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048703092548706764,0.06881216668090602,0.0,0.10551559910944038,0.0,0.08193109946172912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3019443470165921,0.0,0.05474178214422885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09885374520333903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1932368266427888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10311425956857433,0.0,0.0,0.10053471999567448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1019906613156132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09411573180539674,0.0,0.2551611991126938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08188917553682562,0.0,0.0911418221039482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10237461183120357,0.14161491039149846,0.0,0.07428915206628636,0.0,0.10243910897795674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06527000556311496,0.07325691337960975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06677726592105983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11259478998920434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061706080182756265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08225811579822796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448389244867041,0.0,0.09526452034603984,0.0,0.06817692067277521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07242185203480415,0.07741964942663503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11233179323053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10477023586737927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34087783386107484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815993424191974,0.0,0.10531254326460246,0.11704128079272327,0.062027949122658965 ptsd,ResidentPurpleGoat,2019/04/28,"How do you manage to stay “safe” and watch your triggers in public? Sorry, this might not all be worded correctly, but I am traveling alone in a couple weeks for the first time since my flashbacks have gotten pretty bad. I will be flying to my destination, which I haven’t done in several years but am not terribly worried about. What kinds of safeguards do you put in place in these situations? This is the first time I’ll be away from a “safe” space and in public this long. How do you try to ensure that you don’t completely lose it in public?",6.4147040498442385,6.1694039439252375,6.583691588785047,79.6238862928349,65.6355140186916,9.750155763239873,28.113707165109034,9.2995712137729,2.1083221183800616,430,11,85,7,6,138,71,107,0.1,0.711,0.18899999999999997,0.8994,0,1,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,5,0,3,3,6,0,0,4,0,15,0,0,3,2,15,16,6,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,0,1,0,2,4,3,0,2,2,1,10,3,15,9,1,20,0,1,1,0,8,10,0,1,7,63,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20381269072566371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848885053050459,0.0,0.1643094948311505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063281407708985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21774182742076206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20138212214042867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3347750039436181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20492408853323416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17415090622217147,0.0,0.22015508007045112,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20876063274149265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20560124380233635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20020381927193906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1978259737589728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2223140675278142,0.0,0.16278480428456835,0.22119759990191415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22028769900638648,0.0,0.20974948581790198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294969600603888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13360591874826264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15785120863113036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19984744360120807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12672481541549702 ptsd,RyanJumpsShip,2019/04/28,"Chin Deep in the Ocean Anyone else feel like things just keep going wrong for you? I finally got to a place I could work a Full 40 hours, and then I got hit with another health issue. After what I survived, why can't I seem to get a break?",4.155294117647061,3.787639039215687,4.92235294117647,90.05058823529413,70.37254901960785,8.368627450980393,22.882352941176467,7.793537801064563,0.6679882352941169,185,3,44,2,3,60,43,51,0.064,0.8079999999999999,0.128,0.4696,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,2,1,2,0,0,4,0,2,1,0,0,0,7,10,2,0,1,1,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,2,0,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,1,6,1,6,6,1,10,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,5,24,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.245702035345388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16384004815775585,0.2400856819058809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18708323336108865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19574197012659625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11847782672269692,0.16739626856919596,0.0,0.2566830608411084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12242107620425835,0.0,0.13316787579534906,0.0,0.3748097717516097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24906824736904906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2307552617904221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445662998371272,0.0,0.2082719110911932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144755577232405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2448116227037265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21331359647138964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15566994899165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21143484506302093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17058572664287688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2561890960035433,0.0,0.0 ptsd,beesandbabka,2019/04/28,"how do I tell my mom I have PTSD when it’s because I had to take care of her? I may have to admit to smoking weed, but I don’t want her to know it’s because of that. to keep it short I’ll cut to the chase up here and later give context. how can I tell my mom I’m having a very hard time with ptsd symptoms when it’s because I took care of her, but I don’t want to trigger her because we don’t talk about that time and I don’t want to bring up bad memories for her? only reason why I may have to is because I think she overheard me talking about smoking weed and she may confront me about it. my senior year of high school (2017) second semester i took care of my mom when she had debilitating PTSD to the point where the tv couldn’t be on because it was too loud, she couldn’t even drive or go to the grocery store. I slept on the floor next to my bed so I could get up with her throughout the night and try to help her get back to sleep and get her heart rate down, among other things. I nearly didn’t graduate due to it. fast forward two years, she has a job for the first time in years and is doing so well for herself and may go back to school soon (something she never thought she would accomplish after getting a GED) and has bad days and symptoms (she probably doesn’t tell me about fully ever and just gives an abbreviated version due to our history), but she hasn’t had an anxiety attack or any symptoms near as severe as she did those years ago. I don’t want to trigger her or have her have the guilt of me suffering because of her, or remind her at all of that time while she’s doing so good, and probably won’t go back to therapy unless it gets bad again. I’ve been needing to smoke weed lately to help my sleeping and appetite and other symptoms. I’m 20 and living with my parents only to save money (and because I love them so much) but I wanted to keep it to myself. I don’t lie to her and would like a legitimate reason to give her. even if I don’t have to tell her about my habit, how could I even go about that in the future? we love each other a ton and are pretty close but I don’t think I should ever tell her how much that time has affected me.",5.0354094827586175,4.0589066530172415,5.864348275862072,86.07547931034485,68.67672413793105,8.630896551724138,28.473793103448273,7.404127859558343,1.3634906206896549,1693,46,388,14,25,559,194,464,0.081,0.792,0.127,0.9723,2,0,2,0,0,0,32.0,3,0,1,2,32,17,3,1,16,0,47,10,4,9,4,74,84,42,0,14,12,4,1,1,0,8,4,1,1,0,19,24,0,2,7,1,2,9,15,8,1,3,11,2,69,9,63,60,6,61,0,1,0,2,51,19,0,9,36,277,88,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05881008994700895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045116300067296194,0.0,0.050753096566026897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07547605344550756,0.0,0.1530436787865772,0.16618379331785998,0.323542246172003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20292686121850104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10594081771843926,0.0,0.0,0.0427864911084228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13145906493242465,0.12002417195787875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0564323038873716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1733104122433346,0.19093007489385866,0.15081964751333113,0.055646329079643175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943133107157166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07861814246365105,0.08893817651266563,0.07009624172839254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0658363362254725,0.11793946561847415,0.0,0.0,0.036461012238856345,0.0,0.07483909597303921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032412402693957586,0.0,0.05858310386489138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11975637928846787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23310441557826836,0.0,0.0,0.09754117436113403,0.0491933498845454,0.05116870190297036,0.0,0.07055776092075926,0.06225949467960324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10091543809002727,0.0,0.0,0.07366733222077525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06271667028566437,0.0,0.0,0.06749585623465043,0.14306043915904051,0.0,0.2326582987369861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642568076582146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1342876525073496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07495001042120919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13278413481952672,0.0,0.0,0.05107497138147175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2758279168065389,0.0498825475181543,0.10664983655781243,0.2899385761525988,0.0,0.07587032256951859,0.0,0.044076108248921386,0.08502131063025087,0.0,0.05266984792318827,0.19342904994091228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147421593434731,0.0450433259301716,0.0,0.06480859871971036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054740875547189975,0.19565750607621554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059651362467556736,0.0,0.059865280222398676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0942579676358903,0.0,0.0,0.1708938411615179 ptsd,CarolWendelson,2019/04/28,"Minor Endgame Spoilers (markup applied) Yo I’d like to talk about an aspect of Endgame but if you haven’t seen it bra what r u doing love yourself and go see it. >! I was diagnosed with PTSD several years ago and it was just frankly really relieving to see Thor lose his everloving shit and hole himself up while everyone patiently supported him and helped him work through everything. The dark humor, the self-destructive habits the rambling stories, the losing it over some petty twerp online... it was lovely. I’m really looking forward to him working with my other favorite group of broken assholes, especially Rabbit. !<",4.897962662337662,7.805130598214286,5.132694805194807,76.39866883116883,73.375,8.358441558441559,32.50324675324676,9.095868883498916,3.5183821428571433,505,25,78,12,11,159,89,112,0.165,0.648,0.187,0.4979,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,4,2,9,1,0,5,0,5,4,1,0,0,10,14,7,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,3,0,0,4,4,8,6,11,10,1,7,0,2,4,2,11,3,1,2,5,45,15,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17074631544373145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19550559743533755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18405699598730066,0.17311474752511696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10947058205754943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12910935823687014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.094104571845723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175257868747514,0.4309857955171035,0.0,0.0,0.3476947668812035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22516287767706866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24679505304736554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30698695561233474,0.0,0.20094503071053396,0.2176061647486328,0.19772201802190084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21858328696110013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1548209384761262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2804598132210795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12404118807099157 ptsd,Secret_Armadillo,2019/10/18,"Intrusive thoughts Anyone else have thoughts or ""memories"" but not sure if they actually happened? Like is this just something my brain is imagining?",6.5124999999999975,10.39002858333334,5.23,71.81500000000003,75.66666666666666,9.866666666666667,41.333333333333336,9.725611199111238,5.694683333333334,122,8,17,4,3,36,22,24,0.087,0.784,0.129,0.2885,0,0,1,0,0,0,4.0,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,0,3,1,1,0,1,9,6,3,0,1,5,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,2,0,2,2,0,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,11,3,0,0.0,0.0,0.3173160253880329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273642834104235,0.3331719542164299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3629938417361864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2716352520131466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.287544049207104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886014098758094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2503293949297334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3064659906741259,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5162924542111752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kolokolobird,2019/10/18,"PTSD is a horror show that never stops playing The thing no one understands is that it didn’t stop when I was 8. It never stopped. It’s happening right now. When the sun shines, when I close my eyes at night. It’s all around me. It is me. I breathe in the dust of a thousand silent screams. The little girls I once was swim all around me, staring with confusion in their eyes. The past breaks through to my body as the tissues rip and tear and my shoulder is pushed into the bed. I walk through life shrouded in the past. It swirls around my feet, then swoops into my heart and stops up my breath. There I sit, knocked out of time, a parade of little girls all I can see, as they relive their terror in this current body. A never ending loop. There are times when the ghosts lie quietly. You’d be forgiven if you thought the exorcisms were successful. But I know they remain just under the surface, quietly drifting, eyes open unseeing until they rise up with the next jolt of terror. Always desperately trying to break free of this body that imprisons us.",3.057468549422336,5.29186849268293,3.2959435173299103,90.64953786906293,76.26829268292683,6.462130937098845,23.9602053915276,7.475848149327749,1.011682926829268,831,27,167,11,19,255,125,205,0.111,0.8220000000000001,0.067,-0.8496,1,0,0,0,0,0,25.0,1,2,5,1,12,7,0,3,16,0,12,12,11,0,6,30,17,13,1,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,1,2,12,13,0,4,3,3,1,5,5,4,0,2,5,9,25,4,28,10,3,50,0,0,6,0,10,20,0,2,22,115,37,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10864094802582024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486929058633004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4350864803763263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11564227127391935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545863263073895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1547207356690533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175537935715592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0922222676843048,0.0,0.26172184584860897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3021004676618405,0.0,0.1388578810783833,0.12252686870165427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13904798688525916,0.08847455586926962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2492790702047345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15262407213763265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11150221605012292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10404379208078697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4366343877708457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08674191070915882,0.0,0.0,0.10365441567155544,0.1522675757467097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08864539795148761,0.0,0.0,0.1359232809335117,0.1570542097566348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,chronicallytired95,2019/10/18,"PTSD? What's causing my extreme fatigue? I have a bit of a long backstory but basically in January of this year I came out short term and sporadic use of Ativan, and long term use of the SSRI Celexa with a taper. I also came off birth control. I know what you're thinking.. why would you do all that at once?? And honestly I don't know. I was not aware of the consequences at the time. But anyway, I suffered from very severe withdrawal for several months and was in the ER multiple times were I was treated like dirt. I also tried to get back on medication and experienced serotonin syndrome and pretty much had a mental breakdown. Since that time, my health has progressively declined. It has been almost 10 months and I have such extreme weakness and arm/leg weakness I am pretty much bedridden. I developed low blood pressure and tachycardia. I developed chronic allergies and gut problems. So I guess my question is, is it right for me to think my decline is from PTSD due to what I went through, or could I have something else going on? I've had endless tests done to check for any possible health problems. Everyone has come back totally normal although my doctor is sending me to test for postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. Any insight would be appreciated. I know very little about PTSD so I don't know if this could be the cause, but I do know i've very traumatized from what i've gone through. I also witnessed a suidice not long before this but my therapist didn't seem to see a need to address it despite my nightmares I had for months following.",4.721358757062144,6.766513230508476,5.243749999999999,79.36031426553674,70.9322033898305,8.306497175141244,32.630649717514125,8.959647251330699,3.0082344632768363,1253,60,221,25,24,401,163,295,0.125,0.8029999999999999,0.073,-0.941,0,0,1,0,0,0,29.0,0,1,0,2,10,11,0,1,11,0,31,10,2,5,2,50,52,22,0,9,8,0,0,1,0,2,8,0,1,0,12,15,0,1,10,0,1,8,5,8,1,0,14,2,31,3,32,32,7,36,0,3,1,0,3,12,0,6,17,149,43,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09286534602323912,0.0,0.0,0.22249155249979866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12613226094434574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14262210627347113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07891459690439839,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10124765964829097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2121388675748155,0.0,0.19053829835812214,0.0,0.07988698191708128,0.0,0.0,0.10401538398082814,0.14809010097445655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09492294387145367,0.0,0.0949048428531155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07747206310315938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08861669339692416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04845263044363488,0.0,0.05270607049810819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216316107271604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19715578590211064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25483638414201776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04530790011957293,0.09294947562754777,0.0,0.24621497000936796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09342542332795112,0.09345973725413012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220716703068603,0.0,0.13634860171362684,0.06876526261139213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09086514964207608,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876468222317993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10455000158062996,0.0,0.18869909408688754,0.0,0.17747860763093273,0.3252230036969847,0.0,0.1038896131826427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.079199139678722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07390148028991637,0.08442667863159482,0.0,0.2095387755229979,0.0,0.07671518258571687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07139550016738402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1076778615714212,0.0,0.11884762405437832,0.0,0.0,0.16223167701011915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06296412307249406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16019453307416345,0.0,0.2295597285861581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08597056871148599,0.08368309386247169,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13175914860261184,0.0,0.0,0.059721282926054525 ptsd,herzogs-rifle,2019/10/18,"My boyfriend said I hit him while he was sleeping but I’d never do something like that and I have no memory of it? Of course I believe him. For some reason I don’t like cuddling really, it tends to make me anxious, especially when the person falls asleep. I almost always have a panic attack. Not because they’re not there, it’s just something about that that triggers me. Apparently my boyfriend fell asleep on me a few months ago and he says I got upset and slapped him and started freaking out? It’s like 100% against my whole moral code to hit someone like that and I have absolutely no memory of the whole thing. What’s wrong with me?",2.405677655677657,4.8526060634920665,3.174126984126985,89.56873626373628,79.63492063492063,5.7816849816849825,23.97802197802197,7.010146845296331,0.8986490842490844,508,18,101,6,13,160,80,126,0.281,0.7190000000000001,0.0,-0.9897,1,0,2,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,4,9,1,2,4,0,6,4,3,3,1,17,13,8,0,0,4,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,0,1,10,7,0,0,1,0,0,2,6,5,0,0,3,2,17,4,11,8,4,10,1,0,0,1,8,2,0,2,10,67,27,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16408264045162704,0.0,0.1853539157803948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1540205237548266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20911370179624145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21058138410204666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1128370703424094,0.0,0.0,0.20854769341136556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14804377806436844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3617279022833039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12355768941728976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14774744809891668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14276284433992062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21717848707297926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16162479928058832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11858172121950104,0.19031671219714927,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17607534054620427,0.14720133457686166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1852366785266316,0.0,0.15683717067089606,0.2850026644344352,0.0,0.0,0.13101685566282806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297420780738975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133217767395802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20238107183819368,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Paxpoeta,2019/10/18,"I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know where to turn. My mind is very cloudy. Writing is a grind. I feel like nothing I say flows well. I apologize if this is hard to read. [When I was 14 I got sexually involved with a man in his 40s.](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/85qtwh/my_ex_tattooed_my_name_on_his_arm_after_i_left/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) He abused and harassed me for 10 years. It’s over now, but I’m 25. A quarter of my life is gone and I’m nowhere. I had plans. I had dreams. I don’t believe I’ll ever be able to achieve them. I have no grit; my core is weak. The world is incredibly competitive and cold. I’m no match for it. I’m a loser. I don’t like to blame other people for my problems. I don’t believe that my abuser made me a loser. I take complete ownership for my life, so I blame myself for everything. It’s difficult to find motivation to push forward. I’m too far behind. My future feels as murky and undefined as my past. I don’t want to compare myself to the people around me, but I know that the people closest to me judge me. I recently confided with my best friend who accused me of over-exaggerating my pain. I feel like my therapist felt the same way. I want to fight them, but I can’t... what if they’re right? Maybe I’m just a lousy person. I don’t feel comfortable around anyone. I can’t get comfortable in my own mind. Sometimes it feels like other people can read my mind. I can’t relax. I feel like my chest is exposed. I feel dirty. Everything is dirty.",1.195378610460576,3.8370680327868847,2.5627985948477736,89.62285519125685,89.98360655737707,5.658860265417642,20.048790007806407,7.1686216300943375,0.6496167056986732,1230,39,250,21,42,396,151,305,0.21100000000000002,0.632,0.157,-0.956,0,0,0,0,3,0,67.0,0,0,2,6,11,19,2,0,10,0,25,5,1,2,1,38,50,13,0,5,6,0,9,5,1,0,4,1,0,2,12,9,0,0,13,4,0,4,12,8,1,1,7,11,52,11,29,42,3,22,0,2,0,0,13,11,0,2,13,151,64,4,0.10025477251027556,0.2375710232859144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21725200825776408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07010046797875218,0.0,0.0,0.17849600556045295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2259055945440267,0.10521119852159956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511522155015636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906861814295908,0.0,0.0,0.18020505013437288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35484277710042794,0.2864881180527664,0.09626030365766056,0.0,0.09163104580604883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745658854872299,0.0,0.05237898077347915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08018290002423123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08980858412503859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1652922032485178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1416258214197393,0.2448970889217826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486348980821084,0.0,0.0,0.10071939414387207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3036862224369799,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09619715810977633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10667814643796132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09570452442502343,0.2780161440221296,0.08753860034912866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09593027758955956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2005638057510548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09898949302802236,0.0,0.0,0.08561702794100484,0.0,0.07972661903209488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915453352055778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07537911206734353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11640351802034607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10904840360853876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08272068685013333,0.1182657246762982,0.07957757194310984,0.0,0.0,0.09014108060089032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06456078651478574 ptsd,Aboo176,2019/10/18,"Intrusive thoughts I’m a highschool swimmer. Practices are 3 hours long and we barely stop, how do i stop the thoughts from coming when my mind has so much time to think and nothing to entertain it.",4.6109649122807,6.465892552631582,4.255263157894738,87.11517543859651,70.84210526315789,7.171929824561403,33.719298245614034,7.793537801064563,2.410235087719298,159,8,30,2,3,48,33,38,0.157,0.843,0.0,-0.5826,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,1,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,2,0,3,0,0,1,0,11,8,5,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,2,3,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,3,1,3,6,1,7,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,18,4,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25921748007722245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2963473509910133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26630631821574546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3038452287592256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212121430807366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28874257722954066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5031681883066264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281853489294146,0.0,0.4777965822592132,0.17546991801874204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MxEnby,2019/10/18,"Trigger Warning: Flashbacks/Nuerotypical partner Hey yall! So I have PTSD that can be traced back to childhood trauma, like the whole thing. Just chuck the whole childhood in the trash. I'm 24 now and have recently, in the past couple of months, started having really bad PTSD flashbacks, which is something that has not been an issue (or at least as big of an issue) over the past six years. It happens typically on the drive home (with me in the passenger seat), and the slightest association with something that happened in my past will bring up a memory (but not quite a full memory? more of a random flash of an image that my mind immediately shuts down), but because I only see it for a second, I can't dismiss it away, so my mind tries to bring it back, and then shuts down again, and back and forth until a headache breaks out. I've been in a steady relationship for three years now, and so she has clearly picked up on the fact that things are different now, but I find it very difficult to explain what is actually happening. She is worried that I was faking being okay since I met her, and that I had just faked everything, when in reality I think I'm just... becoming less numb? Maybe? It feels like something has unlocked inside me and now I'm just getting worse. I'm not sure how to put a description to what's happening that will make things clear to someone who is nuerotypical, who has never dealt with trauma like this. I don't know what to do. Please help.",6.210722866611433,6.506530341549298,6.256984258492127,79.95810687655344,66.00704225352112,9.499254349627176,30.790389395194698,9.325443323948027,2.493962966031484,1163,40,227,20,17,369,161,284,0.102,0.815,0.083,-0.6732,1,0,3,0,0,0,39.0,0,1,0,1,17,12,0,0,19,1,24,1,0,4,5,40,43,20,0,0,11,0,1,3,1,2,1,0,1,1,24,12,0,0,5,0,0,4,6,7,0,3,5,2,18,5,34,34,6,47,0,0,1,0,12,20,0,2,25,162,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.10577617139178136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10183902194338558,0.25004314450599885,0.09050383214472048,0.06607551619805689,0.119711823287515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11993506413019113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11324787089726154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0974168595399177,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054806881620640735,0.07743615602168491,0.0,0.0,0.0990694623943946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056630996845529386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3834071549890843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07265370741926687,0.0,0.10872726277051194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22626877305817025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059570092828132824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886639333651476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235333285162539,0.0,0.10889558383566818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2188925564020288,0.0,0.08651845417872699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08359955292208339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08243794735364124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3104208524554148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11898323333792075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2534118062366489,0.10896514983109563,0.0,0.11528955864777472,0.0,0.0,0.06943948843634347,0.0,0.10702525296652753,0.11637378029438886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637538269561579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08966401252600449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09184124490005724,0.2503392472861253,0.0,0.0,0.07672129684240811,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10215935081014962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21603496710601214,0.06945401479029845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07359189836448514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08943577914066317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24203437461723304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11007860202371107,0.11046197714255064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13960339218035825 ptsd,pop-xans,2019/10/18,"is this ptsd? about 10 months ago, my girlfriend got drunk. very drunk, with her friend. i know this might sound stupid but every time i think about it i have this weird sense of impending doom and i get in a terrible mood. i had a nightmare about it a few days ago where i called her and she was extremely drunk, i got upset about it and she mocked my crying and hung up. i woke up feeling sad and angry. every time anyone talks about being very drunk i feel like im having a panic attack. does anyone know what this could be?",0.4831108144192271,2.9131851682243024,1.3963217623497997,98.6644158878505,89.84112149532709,4.178638184245661,13.25033377837116,5.773587663045528,-1.0777684913217622,411,6,90,3,14,127,68,107,0.379,0.565,0.055999999999999994,-0.9922,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,6,12,3,2,4,0,9,4,0,0,0,14,18,6,0,1,1,0,2,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,8,6,4,0,5,4,0,0,0,9,0,0,5,3,15,2,10,9,1,10,1,2,0,0,8,4,0,1,7,54,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32090489684409834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25312965397997955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20592244602035426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1848291499727845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14451995912669166,0.0,0.1988285131991981,0.11673502393756895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15840110125172666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30501367126643303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1830459134981435,0.12931197230746924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13984613814383345,0.0,0.0945690782195174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2895368650662499,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19551943039095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1989542505696624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08843124328109313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920206176499945,0.0,0.0,0.14447865862184045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123735935717649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21158837262843186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14548717248121373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11598245701517727,0.0,0.0,0.21109414855128056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2987006997686126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,selfabyssal,2019/10/18,"New to this community. Hi. New to Reddit and this community. (I've generally seen Reddit as complicated anyway I'll become used to it). &#x200B; I have consistently had a troublesome time carrying on with a normal life. It just appears as though I will never recover my life back ever since the event and it just gets increasingly hard every time to the point I can't manage it any longer and need to end it. I never had the courage to kill myself and I will never do. if I did, I would have killed myself a long time ago however here I am living hell taking a stab at, trying to manage with my life. &#x200B; I get nightmares each night, wake up in panic and tears in my eyes, wasting endless nights awake just to keep it from occurring. I don't have a similar nightmare but it's always about the same individual again and again. (I have been abused as a child by my parent). I wish it would end yet it's been years and nothing has improved. I was diagnosed with PTSD and Depression a couple of years back. I never took the treatment or medication for it since I moved away to another city to continue my education. &#x200B; I don't recollect much about my whole experience but I do have a vague idea of what occurred. Is it common for somebody with PTSD to forget their experience? Is it like a repressed memory or something? My triggers aren't like consistent but it's not as extreme as the nightmares I have like maybe certain voices and smells can trigger me however it doesn't happen as often as the nightmares. I've been thinking about getting help but I just don't know how to get or ask for help. I've never been the kind of individual to ask for help, I assumed I could rely upon myself and cope but I've been avoiding and distancing myself from friends, family, and others and turned to the internet, it generally helped me keep things off my mind. Music is something part of my life, it helped me to reduce stress and relax and I even have a committed Spotify playlist for it. I tried to avoid bad coping ways but I always keep coming back to it and it's so difficult. I've been improving though, 2 weeks now! It feels like an accomplishment. &#x200B; I was also thinking about whether you all have any thoughts about EMDR as a treatment for PTSD? I have read that it has helped many individuals who suffer from PTSD (it's a pseudoscience kinda thing). I'm attempting to see a therapist about this and I'm not sure yet. I've done my search on google however I need thoughts from individuals who had this treatment and if it has helped them in any way. Thanks for reading :)",3.559540918163673,5.78870611177645,4.697309381237528,81.21490618762478,74.70858283433134,7.726786427145709,26.30299401197605,8.582038596145509,2.01813005988024,2066,76,386,41,45,677,233,501,0.129,0.7709999999999999,0.1,-0.8567,4,2,2,0,1,1,62.0,0,1,2,2,28,23,3,5,23,0,43,8,2,4,10,86,73,43,2,9,18,1,2,4,1,4,6,1,0,1,34,24,0,6,9,3,0,5,13,12,0,0,17,7,47,11,62,51,7,49,1,2,3,0,18,11,1,9,35,274,81,5,0.0,0.0732597045257598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054809510837122176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04944628249552454,0.10289680300906803,0.2679757440525429,0.3005260599807501,0.12614173892766298,0.06483526562671751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560740342559568,0.0,0.058092323452307235,0.14263282335674393,0.05162635883863083,0.0,0.06828755644717238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05326198992103895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.049367076313472806,0.06841490035712976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05325500800244121,0.06275723217512964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06327464953860787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10952794708644893,0.0,0.0,0.0408388370688542,0.055929740624181344,0.05209534128383754,0.0,0.0,0.12096529731180815,0.058288827797306465,0.0,0.031263645641535595,0.04417212711465187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04777052952138575,0.0,0.12921672354653865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054677008961105326,0.0,0.05538849179395912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2901084293237786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06979974932250979,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16487488179574505,0.1368138307360165,0.0643875421817096,0.033980737782219265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17469244669525805,0.12083014586866747,0.0,0.05459796557101377,0.05471854919849744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06268699787136625,0.06211761815845235,0.0,0.0,0.06228829574294089,0.0,0.0,0.06243175231434438,0.0,0.0,0.06571663973452327,0.045452949128537284,0.09169390647219933,0.2384396558481173,0.11943366094426128,0.0,0.1160485369578666,0.06058131836089738,0.05932857704500912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07254543569053237,0.06865608346007664,0.06695702091847554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05845034453760716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2891088373318566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12369560011703098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04927135565638094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229459628133616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09520115340618883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07082727913750735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05827504956047345,0.0,0.046489267934176855,0.0,0.0,0.05692573986622153,0.0,0.07179063522125359,0.08215562788304469,0.079237703097784,0.12149742015072795,0.09817392230267744,0.10816257841302496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869659126747908,0.08395847253198524,0.06725444641245529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053402190202013866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09815724707155854,0.04959715291119828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06903217896504169,0.07110267639126039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08784603293889694,0.0,0.3005260599807501,0.07963436076682988 ptsd,Um_username_i_guess,2019/10/18,"I just need help Recently, I started going to therapy (about 3 months ago). Within my first couple appointments and tests, I was diagnosed with anxiety (general and social) and depression (mostly self hate and suicidal tendencies). After my last visit yesterday, I guess I was uncovering things I'd never spoken of, as my therapist was very shocked and told me how much this can help as she didn't know that was a factor. I'm now in testing for post-traumatic stress disorder, because I've been having very bad flashbacks and have a lot of triggers that cause bad panic attacks. I was born genetically with anxiety, but my supposed ptsd is making it way worse. This is causing a lot of anxiety for me, as I don't want anything else wrong with me. Does anyone have any suggestions? (Note: I can't go on medication as therapy itself is already very expensive, and I can't afford it. AND I AM NOT TRYING TO SELF DIAGNOSE. I HAVE MANY SYMPTOMS, AND I AM IN TESTING RIGHT NOW.)",5.4007566204287505,6.805593699453556,6.665027322404374,72.35020176544768,68.2896174863388,10.439512400168141,33.20260613703236,10.560738912317856,3.926803614964269,769,35,132,22,13,260,117,183,0.2,0.779,0.02,-0.9789,1,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,0,1,5,9,2,2,3,0,20,4,0,5,1,29,31,15,1,2,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,8,12,0,0,1,0,1,3,6,9,0,1,8,0,20,0,20,23,4,21,0,1,0,0,9,5,0,4,12,92,28,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326434270349694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1285533293490194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07921948556550415,0.0,0.26735132500801906,0.0,0.0,0.08145487212588456,0.0,0.09586411670904964,0.0,0.0,0.13252802462854832,0.0,0.0,0.19453419416526946,0.07101327641623538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2393415588279539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889769692524386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1003355679160137,0.2364766344919192,0.0,0.0,0.13351149324742034,0.0,0.10194413214090807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0973152615957398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09908920005774967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1324117322492663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1283305793986738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11501308407128813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15616609916943522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06402170897106661,0.09495764379915088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19807699275713944,0.0,0.0,0.07776022831251755,0.11810599168598668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735481342153033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09298389562759117,0.0,0.08563603002482723,0.08637835694160657,0.08984686766781833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13667986848092392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156844564459603,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361745142442779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150231479032022,0.0,0.0,0.0994847005136495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2430559800008744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11875031921619555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08245460608058315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13344276046080147,0.0,0.0,0.12742483791467926,0.0,0.0,0.12108121477950025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2664406396216401,0.13525777999405544,0.0773930179558335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11131440617746316,0.0,0.07909135064322607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883576884929759,0.06871080720390378,0.09246701389610004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11871669519455832,0.0,0.12736721143368845,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throawaylikeababy,2019/10/18,"tigger warning: Ex-boyfriend would force himself into the bathroom to watch me pee. Was this sexual assault? Hey guys, I’m not sure how to feel about this. After I broke up with him, I was scared of him, and I had no idea why. He was never violent or anything, he understood when I said no to sexual acts and didn’t push it. However, I could tell he liked to hold his physical stature over me. He really wanted to rush things, and had proposed multiple times, had taken out a loan to buy an engagement ring and everything. Well, the point I’m writing is that one of the ways he liked to “prove” his strength over me was force himself into the bathroom to watch me pee. No matter how much I begged. It didn’t seem sexual in nature, it was just embarrassing, as if I didn’t have any privacy. I just know that I didn’t feel safe. He was controlling in many other ways, but I assumed that to all be a part of the culture he was raised in: his culture believed that men were entitled to a certain level of power over women. When I broke up with him, he asked if he had been controlling. I lied and said no. I just wanted to get out. I wish I would have been honest and told him everything he did was unacceptable.",3.1844899285250143,4.630889909465021,4.451392679228938,85.92775828460043,73.77366255144034,8.078752436647173,25.54667533030106,8.6894789155246,1.7138115226337454,940,31,196,18,19,310,127,243,0.12,0.773,0.107,-0.4953,2,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,0,0,4,10,15,2,2,9,0,27,2,2,4,5,47,43,15,0,8,8,0,2,2,0,2,0,3,0,3,11,12,0,4,9,0,2,3,10,6,1,1,25,7,28,9,32,14,3,24,0,2,2,0,31,14,0,5,7,135,39,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1078445362799384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13050351360619267,0.0,0.14825735223268316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17867313975133234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3557374066684404,0.12661874248243588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2850553760879051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16037261236259964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0828551145062348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1570259728837199,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17902531696805127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08715521776678065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15495510638215182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1607822345012022,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.116579625340358,0.0,0.12231200077446748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746259378303184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717341682386361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14991588880051107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10159483473937464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3017049329442344,0.0,0.1587731615940899,0.0,0.0,0.14437156582323013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14946628491011216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13861194844525074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10535809558937892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09247330194555503,0.0,0.0,0.15153658761844585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1870773355173604,0.25175781346295,0.0,0.0,0.14258867669078587,0.0,0.14310001873431696,0.0,0.1823671188188225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22531118011050205,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,blurrybandito,2019/10/18,"Coming across my abuser online I struggled with severe PTSD after I was raped by my best friend in 2016. This was someone who had been in my life since we were 8. I feel as though I have been able to work past my PTSD in many ways, the anxiety that comes with the thought or sight of him is crippling. Two days ago he had popped up on my suggestions on Facebook. I was shocked, I’ve had him blocked online for years now, but it seems he’s made a new Facebook. I got sick to my stomach, seeing his face again made me angry. I felt like I could’ve exploded. I live in constant fear in the back of my mind after coming in contact with anything that triggers a memory of him. Today my mom was able to access my old laptop from highschool. I knew for a fact it is FILLED with pictures of him. I tried to quickly and mindlessly delete a lot.... but during that time we were incredibly close and hung out several times a week / took probably hundreds of pictures of our dumb adventures. I feel like I’ve been sliding back into a place where I’m scared. Scared of thinking about my rape, scared I won’t be able to sleep again, scared I’m going to get so anxious I’ll detach myself from the rest of the world. My mother had come across some of us too, she knows I was raped but from her comments today I don’t think she ever knew exactly who did it, or maybe she forgot... I know I like to live like I have. I got upset, and told her I’m deleting them. I feel like no matter how many pictures I’ve burned, conversations I deleted, years I spent trying to avoid him, that he always haunts me from time to time. I don’t feel like I can talk to anyone about this. I feel like if I sit in front of someone and tell them how I feel I’m going to fall apart. I get angry, because I feel like he still has control over my emotions. I like to live like it never happened 99 out of 100 days. I like to act like it wasn’t my best friend who raped me on the 1 day I do acknowledge being a survivor of sexual assault. How do you guys manage triggers? What can I do on my end to truly work at not falling back into such a crippling state? I can’t afford therapy right now.... I have hundreds of dollars in bills from previous therapy sessions this year. I was charging my credit card more recently to pay for the most recent set of sessions, then my therapist didn’t have the availability to see me anymore. I’m feeling so alone in my head, I’m sitting in my room feeling like his sitting in my kitchen right next to that laptop with all the pictures of us. I get so sick to my stomach, for being so close to someone who traumatized me and did something so terrible to me. I don’t want to let this consume me again.",3.3856103074141046,4.408880632911393,4.397048372513563,88.16175700723329,72.68896925858951,7.048987341772151,26.48322784810127,7.268377926160553,1.1758347558770343,2102,70,446,21,40,684,254,553,0.177,0.698,0.124,-0.9909,1,2,1,0,1,0,56.0,5,1,2,5,25,35,6,8,17,0,40,13,5,8,5,70,85,22,0,2,7,2,10,13,2,1,3,0,2,1,19,22,1,4,19,0,5,13,10,16,0,1,31,13,86,19,80,49,8,89,0,0,3,4,40,33,1,7,50,289,105,10,0.18751012325034688,0.07405627805646695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05540547018266534,0.0,0.0,0.06473464586433349,0.0,0.0,0.052007814555692235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04781491034957947,0.07061102221276169,0.06198655226373044,0.043703812668055515,0.0,0.05143495151236687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14418371047035572,0.0,0.03810147690912346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13118687059730627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2153644905322414,0.0,0.06754394301398088,0.07010284917822368,0.04990385852593565,0.0,0.0,0.1209285171710146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07030788349467848,0.055359437748864815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056537880545696764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0703336731913336,0.2844322570925573,0.26791453903268403,0.06001304127812219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09657990405616408,0.0,0.09796630020337402,0.0,0.0710442161437721,0.0,0.0999793166260344,0.0,0.0,0.06188816743914177,0.05527152757619663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06414649437557443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06870043995001555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06391393507433786,0.04414798179495655,0.39696789044444014,0.0,0.165574874174766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05313813378732747,0.0,0.11828440828305692,0.0,0.1267372227321689,0.0627930406261774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0631105904517789,0.07320319669865448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04820645556103086,0.0603661484949067,0.06647304777757071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06558677725113607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966654328505129,0.0,0.0,0.06530272310042574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738920909054277,0.0,0.1461261998299589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12342908354659705,0.0,0.0,0.10675508047859274,0.0,0.0,0.2503071263721037,0.0,0.0996141941420198,0.05690072460646727,0.0,0.1412220444255234,0.0,0.05170343720961172,0.0,0.06254851360628189,0.0,0.15887671893666966,0.048118151264629073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04991527554814251,0.0,0.0,0.06534209787795263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05023784477046643,0.054630704188012455,0.0,0.14295611173736888,0.07257123514504654,0.0,0.08009927710125997,0.06140924801752319,0.04962069759225293,0.14578488104499235,0.0,0.1184917812387334,0.05972465277850145,0.06944354877444307,0.08487137679948834,0.0,0.06105671470968153,0.0,0.15036772717175828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0368661096376091,0.049612269319436436,0.050136436811716915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.091006401974028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12075037161234425 ptsd,yungassgod,2019/10/18,"My hair is getting long and I can’t tie it My hair is getting long and I can only use hair clips because when I tie it back and look in the mirror I look like the man who sexually assaulted me. Anyone have similar experiences?",4.341418439716311,4.704121297872341,6.337021276595745,77.53333333333335,70.06382978723404,9.670921985815603,30.56028368794326,9.725611199111238,2.7487219858156027,179,7,37,4,3,63,32,47,0.07400000000000001,0.871,0.054000000000000006,-0.2263,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,1,0,2,0,5,3,3,1,0,4,10,4,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,5,7,1,1,10,0,5,0,0,2,0,2,1,0,0,5,23,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21066171428773844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2316654296712605,0.0,0.1836572590024272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2947092778247961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3148123315162503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14719000333058202,0.0,0.0,0.5332459631407228,0.5059980004961211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229136725975383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2602088575557383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SendNudesItsURGENT,2019/04/16,"For those who have had PTSD since they were children, how do you feel it impacted your social skills? Hi, new to this subreddit. The event that lead to my PTSD happened when I was 4 and I was officially diagnosed when I was 13, though I started exhibiting symptoms not long after the event. I've always really struggled with understanding social interaction to the point that my Mom had me tested for autism multiple times as a kid. However it wasn't until recently that I started to think a big part of why I struggle socially could be do to experiencing the trauma I did at a young age when I was just starting to develop my social skills. I don't know, can anybody relate to any of this? I'm 23 now, and I'm trying to get better and joining communities, but it's just been really hard.",7.402012987012987,6.6397686493506525,8.238279220779223,70.28456168831171,63.805194805194795,11.855844155844155,34.83441558441558,11.20814326018867,3.890937662337663,628,24,117,16,8,213,101,154,0.055999999999999994,0.93,0.013999999999999999,-0.5921,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,2,1,4,8,4,0,2,7,0,17,2,0,2,0,15,28,11,0,1,4,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,2,10,4,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,3,0,0,10,3,16,1,17,16,1,21,0,0,0,0,13,3,0,0,17,81,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1169720248330701,0.0,0.0,0.0955977522258096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12432967607138012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11223996679404527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14268354906608868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07108038009755709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734461195757542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12431252017485467,0.0,0.12593013287338609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07725790476420356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244069652020607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16464306787830482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13577095444496395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522321021564507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13289149813822598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3286559456746357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18011552877609274,0.0,0.1388036581529018,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11628744243351112,0.0,0.0,0.5732056204166498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2985051573750961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2939249634279519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14611420267453787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09007660397041303,0.13811701463428802,0.0,0.08197206934940605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09544312599384193,0.0,0.0,0.14634648980574425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12684963565480836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BraveLilToes,2019/04/16,"Re-diagnosed today I was re-diagnosed today during my first session with the psychiatrist, same practice as my new therapist. I haven't been in treatment for ptsd in years because my anxiety has been horrible. My next appointment for the psychiatrist is next month, and I was hesitant to bring up medical marijuana. I did tell her that I use marijuana before bedtime, but how do I go about asking her for documents so I can get a medical marijuana card? I dont want her to think that's the only reason I started treatment again. She also started me on anti-anxiety meds, antidepressants, and sleep meds. TL;DR .... when and how did you bring up medical marijuana with your psychiatrist? (P.s. I live in PA)",4.4280232558139545,7.017405697674416,6.439709302325583,68.04002906976747,73.41860465116278,10.5015503875969,32.45542635658914,10.504223727775694,4.430849612403101,561,28,91,20,12,195,82,129,0.059000000000000004,0.941,0.0,-0.5849,0,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,2,0,1,7,0,0,0,4,0,12,4,1,4,0,13,22,10,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,5,0,0,2,0,0,3,2,0,0,1,6,0,21,0,15,16,1,21,0,0,0,0,9,6,0,0,12,66,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11747718292952584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22475869449402866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1373331967015463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08954987205642939,0.0,0.1250024699659938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982041307172377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17216761994678967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12495445408454267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07675004016229459,0.0,0.08348758344982574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1297168334049477,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3263491955806566,0.4439638215890661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11725548203061772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1418785126663657,0.31246310676513445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11172531162655264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17172014788397466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510393452766695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700772371952744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20795546403746526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12839850229579206,0.0,0.0,0.17056411849116102,0.0,0.09412863487337357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2784911428755192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687584486795633,0.0,0.0,0.08664638930244928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09459983536808338 ptsd,buddyboyo13,2019/04/16,"College professor humiliated me I got bullied really bad as a kid, and it was mostly humiliation. I tried to kill myself as a kid before, I dropped out of high school in freshman year but decided that I should man up, get my GED and go to college. I did that and now I'm in college, and I'm in this math class where the professor wants everyone to participate. So here is the thing, I'm not doing so well in this class because I'm forced to answer questions out loud in front of people, risking embarrassment, but guess what, my worst nightmare fucking happened yesterday. My professor looks at me ""This problem is super easy, thats why I picked YOU"" &#x200B; Come on, we've all been worried about you, we know you can do it"" ""we believe in you, even George W Bush did, thats why he passed the no child left behind law, all for YOU"" &#x200B; He's saying all of that shit, and my ears end up ringing, and I just don't answer anything. I have no idea if the class laughed at me or not, but I was so fucking humiliated that I just wanted to fucking kill him right there. After class, I just go home and I started crying and punching everything, throwing everything. I can't fucking believe this is happening to me again, why the fuck do people do this to me?? I'm having a mental breakdown right now and I'm crying nonstop and I'm a grown fucking man. How do I stop this? Sorry if my grammar is bad right now, I just feel so bad right now that i can't even walk in a straight line. Also, no, I'm not a drug abuser, I'm a sober guy who doesn't even drink or smoke weed.",5.021521381578951,4.951255859375003,5.9865460526315815,82.13963815789477,68.53125,8.611842105263158,31.217105263157894,8.20500826718156,2.09646875,1225,46,256,15,19,407,160,320,0.24,0.696,0.064,-0.9963,0,0,3,0,1,1,50.0,2,5,0,1,23,19,9,2,12,0,22,10,2,2,3,49,51,25,2,6,14,0,1,0,0,1,1,4,1,6,18,15,1,1,7,1,0,8,10,16,1,0,6,6,35,3,30,44,5,42,0,0,1,6,19,22,7,7,11,167,53,12,0.0,0.1032590543065032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0696941982295978,0.0,0.18885499257110291,0.2117947168157096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07171740993272964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21830100293773666,0.05312611673945169,0.0,0.07415862981857152,0.196377468367352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07507241184401907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19146139490892092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08537428066963462,0.1010668750997474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07718944752433902,0.0,0.0,0.17268618766641888,0.0,0.0,0.08327600747083168,0.15665044331384673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04406589548806422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4834152232194542,0.045532522825384884,0.0,0.0990592393444232,0.0,0.06970219106301175,0.0,0.09600606656161446,0.08629266566239828,0.15413374307691102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09207925493796984,0.08741902579154004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838227102511778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928381621152129,0.0,0.047895618344944914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09468923910117504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0731844441932208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782717431055771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12083832327950315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339122849453641,0.0,0.0,0.09762847012118213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0558308217818429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977040959101106,0.0,0.06930555057130221,0.0,0.08820092693526854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08945870360220264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09755781445123457,0.061685550215523875,0.0,0.0,0.07286169406498141,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057898898829009414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059169447452677985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10280720870786336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07835873759580747,0.0,0.2359192274911281,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08850553121822291,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117947168157096,0.056122044419346304 ptsd,adbpti,2019/04/16,"The only way I think I can cope with it, and I know it's not a good idea I was sexually assaulted nine years ago during college. I lost a lot of friends, became socialphobic after that, made new friends who weren't good people, had constant suicidal thoughts, called suicide hotline and it made me feel worse, missed my classes and exams and ended up dropping out of college. The guy came into my life when I was feeling the most vulnerable. My family was going through financial crisis and I didn't even have the money to fly back and spend time with them during the holiday break. He said he wants to hang out with me and be my company. I know where he works and I always fantasize about going to his work place and humiliating him in front of everyone. For three years I sent him angry, vengeful, random messages nearly every day. I stopped doing that after realizing how insane I might have seemed. Time helped me heal but every once in a while when I'm doimg something, all of a sudden I get flashbacks and I get so resentful. I wish him all the misfortune in life because he pretended to be so kind despite knowing what I was going through, and took advantage of me. I keep getting this temptation to send texts but I know it's not a good idea. I just wish he realizes what a disgusting POS he is and I can only hope he isn't doing this to anyone. Any advice? I have sought counseling but I feel like nothing will make me feel better than to know that he is a rotting miserable failing garbage.",4.417356787048568,5.952560318493153,5.346637608966375,80.37003113325031,70.81506849315069,8.322789539227896,29.368617683686185,8.841846274778883,2.4036178082191784,1191,47,222,22,22,390,168,292,0.159,0.7290000000000001,0.111,-0.8724,0,0,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,0,1,6,10,17,3,1,13,0,21,3,0,4,2,57,54,21,2,4,6,0,4,1,2,2,3,1,0,1,12,19,0,2,16,2,2,9,5,7,0,2,15,5,36,10,30,35,4,39,0,4,0,0,23,10,0,6,18,145,48,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343405352943297,0.09382842154063926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08807453725147933,0.0,0.0,0.07198069625267657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07401182129547948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139106073042994,0.0,0.06452434073682271,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09361450912934258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10808328303615533,0.12106263120921315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11438476267304623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06826360795542513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09375046623065024,0.0,0.0,0.06991202003449827,0.0,0.17836406739002478,0.10114289940675973,0.0,0.0,0.0997846655104825,0.0,0.21408098538725756,0.0756182804764815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16355677373118765,0.0,0.1659046170342742,0.0,0.18046864249284125,0.26634241981835843,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10480678250203262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07094810367069154,0.0,0.0,0.10513157018864208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389804325138279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408312337473934,0.0,0.11022505688372876,0.2908581868543643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.149528031523561,0.051712292667021834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155462804126289,0.08998871772845582,0.0,0.2003130608850984,0.07065478063567991,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11228866642138276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10222926380899194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101564612625864,0.0,0.0,0.1127253335248729,0.0,0.16100530153246154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07338211056900854,0.0,0.11058928677290453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10068628363249284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636061487686493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08148744457413554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08849419199163391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2315624366280168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06782352637906942,0.0,0.084031986651801,0.1234423715550487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11760171958120072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062432262811538276,0.08401771348469173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24344139515977226,0.0,0.0,0.1541181226179279,0.0,0.10786879409681646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13632609116607436 ptsd,backdoordumbledoor,2019/04/16,"Dilemma I’m currently in a dilemma about seeking help from the doctors. I’m currently at university (1st year). And went through a bit of trauma around October last year it stopped me sleeping properly and had a few other effects too, I used a considerable amount of alcohol to blur it all out and help me sleep and not think about it. I’d like to go to the doctors as I still get the effects and lack of sleep but am worried that if I do have something and it gets put on my record I won’t be able to do the job I’m going for after university Thanks",3.7086842105263145,4.6107468421052635,5.183289473684212,83.28177631578949,71.80701754385964,8.50701754385965,31.793859649122812,8.841846274778883,2.5019859649122798,436,20,92,8,8,147,75,114,0.095,0.821,0.084,0.2023,3,0,2,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,2,5,3,0,0,8,0,7,6,3,3,1,20,18,9,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,0,0,6,8,1,1,4,0,0,4,2,1,0,0,2,0,7,2,19,14,5,17,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,2,9,61,13,3,0.1770746100355321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1892389063003398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1576339449290448,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19331961223688907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3624867333301005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850283505171152,0.0,0.20127116313836504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23737875706846695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17571922739970675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14433944101233184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08650971007932219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17800889142117896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5316074736035696,0.0,0.0,0.1363206858880753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14141201231097453,0.1480423028658772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16302651019656655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134622601513921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15293560919800245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16414993753754228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17982786189719985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2280604864874877 ptsd,PatrickDittoSwayze,2019/04/16,"Has anyone else had horrible but unexplainable pain? In 2017/2018 I had horrible “ovarian” pain on my right side that put me in the hospital more than once. I had every test done from ultrasounds to ct scans to a colonoscopy and all showed I was fine. It would always happen around the anniversary of my rape and last at least a month. I started to believe I was just insane and didn’t correlate the two. Well last August I was diagnosed with PTSD and was told that inexplicable pain is a symptom. I’m just curious if anyone else has experienced that and how common it is?",5.12993119266055,6.679871844036697,5.745768348623852,78.13590022935782,69.09174311926606,9.853669724770645,29.22133027522936,10.125756701596842,2.9762192660550464,457,17,86,12,8,148,74,109,0.243,0.695,0.062,-0.9799,1,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,0,5,6,1,0,6,0,14,6,0,1,1,14,18,8,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,5,0,0,0,5,7,0,0,0,1,0,1,1,4,1,1,10,2,9,2,12,7,3,14,0,0,1,1,1,7,0,1,6,61,14,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13541469257967048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2275865043576036,0.333497589299167,0.0,0.14487521666621397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183354926363276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16518008438799126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16654195202939145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2719007424502743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711746951287074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14391254427975694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26531351225847305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12989941064993066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17331531747508666,0.0,0.0,0.5195080818830575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19023712683235244,0.16360103608879553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13898109858900415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11518989028097587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691516400176254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1555073129782792,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15897565246627424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14632493922288647,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11560751351736365,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CanaryButt,2019/01/07,"Working with my therapist has helped me approach my trauma but for the past week now, rumination and flashbacks have been occurring more. Is this part of the process? Kinda like I'm facing my demons? The flashbacks and rumination have been lowering in intensity but now I feel they're happening more often when before, they'd rarely come up. There are a lot of things that will take time like subconscious learned behavioues. I've just been having a hard time. Trying not to let it send me into a depressive episode but it's hard when it just hits me. Or not even memories but I catch myself doing a certain behaviour or thinking in a certain way that happened because of it. It's scary and uncomfortable. My therapist isn't forcing it either, it's just something that our sessions has lead into to start addressing. It's just hard living like this, knowing I have all of these behaviours and thought processes because of it and they won't go overnight. I'm so impatient. I can't talk to anyone other than my therapist too and its hard. Am I at least on the right track? Is it normal to experience symptoms like this when trying to recover? I dunno. I guess I need some reassurance.",3.965667307281661,6.4880095470852055,4.743356822549647,79.96877428998506,74.60538116591928,8.193807388426222,29.453128336536412,8.976282227363876,2.7887558829809964,951,42,168,22,21,306,131,223,0.11699999999999999,0.7959999999999999,0.087,-0.7066,1,0,1,0,0,0,21.0,1,0,2,2,14,9,0,0,9,0,20,2,1,1,3,40,35,16,0,2,13,0,5,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,20,10,0,0,5,0,0,6,5,2,0,0,4,5,20,7,20,26,8,25,1,1,0,0,7,8,0,8,14,124,40,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0927894822158999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1617898347181402,0.0,0.11292103768955294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11431244978532712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11429746498621818,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0876495136333706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12980964000052425,0.0,0.0,0.06709895608110968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07541854620882428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461880388992147,0.0,0.2346988105605617,0.0,0.4755056426745272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08894846375312143,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07293045917279797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1356984798322475,0.0,0.2593292139975001,0.0,0.11717976003093702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11281990332274387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09839807989490253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13002140782433447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14370512823244946,0.12668065596664144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11332819766507195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10216175817298398,0.0,0.0,0.0939283311710216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379299105411245,0.09977663459740573,0.10666217245850504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4622375203753675,0.08816241282841064,0.08503114481733022,0.0,0.10535188020660524,0.15476113868846653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18019414388372734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053339857707912,0.10644686877192724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09660984250550768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,impalernz,2019/01/07,"Anyone suffer from multiple traumas.. anyone of which can trigger ptsd Hi. So I've suffered trauma in multiple ways. From childhood sexual abuse. Things I saw in my time in the military. A previous relationship and the breakdown of the relationship and the fight to see my children including false accusations. Followed by a failed suicide attempt. My friend drowning before I could get to him. Getting jumped in my own backyard by 6 unknown thugs who attacked me from behind and almost killed me I.struggle to sleep 6 hours on a good day. Most days I'm lucky to get 4 or 5 hours sleep. Even with meds for sleeping. What are some of your coping strategies? I really need some help. ",4.078424317617866,6.987615403225808,4.4977419354838695,79.80507444168738,76.41935483870971,7.041191066997517,29.69975186104218,8.139509932561175,2.5482178660049617,546,25,89,10,13,172,90,124,0.237,0.679,0.084,-0.972,1,0,0,0,2,1,15.0,0,1,0,2,2,11,3,0,7,0,3,3,3,1,0,13,11,5,3,2,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,1,4,4,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,8,0,0,1,2,11,3,20,9,4,14,0,3,2,0,10,5,0,6,6,55,15,1,0.0,0.1874620397320813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584321189602995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212589150260982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17999541448268025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1346315643009935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632391682768593,0.0,0.0,0.204074586567522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1045012636451681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1222385615821278,0.0,0.2479865710659515,0.0,0.0,0.13270545570273412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10604995368689267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3116250235177628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17504438449048856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17574413818121934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11731638046831787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18494796253151494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101358276050795,0.0,0.0,0.33973308311354705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12607898013651178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4749957296221229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16540343735928065,0.0,0.17306442603461508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10511277432882657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09225798230757357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.125585803748704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Farte-Butte,2019/01/07,"I got diagnosed with ptsd this morning and I don't really know how to deal with it. I have no idea why I'm having such a hard time dealing with it. I've basically become agoraphobic and incredibly anxious and neurotic plus loads of other head chaos but I found it easier telling myself it was just anxiety and not really relating it to a real situation/person because it now feels really real. I got diagnosed this morning and I'll now be doing a ""ptsd stabilisation course"" and then therapy. Do you have any tips for dealing with it? I don't want to waste this chance to move on but I really really cannot imagine really talking about it. I'm sorry for this post, I don't really know who to open up to in this situation because most people don't understand and I guess I'm freaking out.",4.041666666666668,5.5695056878980935,6.498487261146496,71.77452494692146,71.7388535031847,10.583651804670914,28.36995753715499,10.686352973137794,3.467374097664542,631,24,116,21,12,226,88,157,0.115,0.82,0.064,-0.3794,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,3,0,12,3,1,1,0,31,24,12,0,1,4,0,2,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,15,14,0,0,7,0,0,1,7,1,0,0,4,2,11,0,19,19,1,11,0,0,0,0,7,5,0,2,4,78,26,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08119116515332939,0.0,0.0913351280842768,0.13487982536855314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14556142626859542,0.13185991378949816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3692660527506581,0.0,0.2423622590942122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0603685624953857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13090798949792684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909785801762489,0.0,0.13152457620498895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069524541932002,0.0,0.12253140782061428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13477988387701095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1312302676383879,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12689560002975564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0827719009217934,0.10424914539284882,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434525270604742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2791274746801926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27179017915134995,0.5354023767367195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13420245501549533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13365041044514392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09596337111670278,0.10435452723567094,0.0,0.13653601649048802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06961887351479966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1242920648946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07042093817811859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10773338784955916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,clit-o-pee,2019/01/07,"211 operator looking for advice on how to comfort PTSD victims For some background, I spoke to a veteran the other day at work and realized our resources at work had very little on how to speak to people with PTSD, veterans or not. I got approval to create a file specifically for educating my coworkers and myself on the subject and while I've done a couple hours research, I would love some firsthand feedback. What are some things we should do when you tell us what you're going through? What is the best thing we can say to you? What are some things NEVER to say to someone with PTSD? What are some things that help you get through an episode or flashback? Do you find that simply having someone to listen to you helps? Anything else that you can think of that would help us in the future would be amazing. We are a small call center in Northern Minnesota, but I like to think we can help in any way we can.",6.685762711864406,6.5785142146892674,6.379666666666669,80.84916101694918,65.045197740113,8.887909604519775,32.954237288135594,8.238735603445708,2.369524745762712,724,27,139,8,10,226,103,177,0.019,0.8490000000000001,0.132,0.9567,0,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,8,6,0,4,3,6,1,0,9,0,19,1,0,2,1,30,28,10,0,4,4,0,0,1,0,4,0,5,0,0,14,10,0,0,4,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,4,6,20,5,27,19,6,19,0,0,1,1,26,11,0,7,7,107,34,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348820124534307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08593655958867616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10399250031952192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13261848491513886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12903883925450269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13982702025374916,0.0,0.0814987895116572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932132702670487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1055666887674352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1155007322104892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06602359035147683,0.0,0.07181950651061697,0.0,0.1010703695684307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3388150577147685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1244499015061646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061738448661940185,0.12665686147539135,0.0,0.0,0.10611974614373637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114054689873689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09746504464241952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08760968490106723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4431625315770104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20099045675774227,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21414734221227907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11045375480448592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33582089819604066,0.16194676683117853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3040173161667143,0.0,0.0,0.10426924429486624,0.0,0.1003073548501978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.183999070828076,0.0,0.0,0.2693108291360373,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Two_eh_em,2019/01/07,"Not PTSD because my trauma doesn't fit DSM-V Has anyone else experienced this? I was given a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder instead of PTSD because my trauma (ongoing domestic violence, not involving threat to my life) didn't fit the new PTSD criteria. What am I supposed to do? I can't get the right counseling or therapy with a BPD diagnosis. It's like breaking your wrist and being told you need to see a chiropractor. Anyone else experience this? What have you done?",4.9973863636363625,7.634690329545458,6.936363636363637,64.9245454545455,71.8409090909091,11.21818181818182,33.72727272727273,10.9516,4.906359090909091,391,20,62,15,8,136,64,88,0.191,0.7509999999999999,0.057,-0.9063,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,0,3,0,0,1,4,1,0,5,0,10,2,1,0,0,6,15,2,0,1,3,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,5,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,5,2,9,1,6,9,0,5,0,0,1,0,6,3,0,1,2,40,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381726118383077,0.3490101142392634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2076415698389607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21450235420945735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19519262769222206,0.0,0.0,0.1742885932865513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28454811137835057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659808990408148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0889811367595245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029659987972267,0.08320597705250515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262843973733673,0.0,0.1644886610105766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14871011337714107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5972578228331535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14544575628741382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13571683651020866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19476693469140405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1627406818191524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mfinny3838,2019/01/05,"Everytime I close my eyes On November 4, I saw a drunk homeless woman get hit by a car, twice. The first time was from far away, the second time was when i was within a few feet of her. If I had been a few inches closer i would have gotten hit too. I could further describe, but for the sake of my triggers and for others I won’t get into it. I’ve been going to therapy and I was diagnosed with acute PTSD- meaning my symptoms are short term. lm 18 years old. I pulled over to save this woman. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have nightmares, I wouldn’t have lost any sleep, I wouldn’t have this loss of motivation and the awful flashbacks, anxiety and guilt. I wouldn’t have nearly failed my psychology and forensics classes because of how triggering they were. Every time I close my eyes I can go back there and relive everything. I’d like to think if i had to do it all over again I would- to potentially save somebody’s life (we never found out if she is alive/dead)- but apart of me also would want to keep driving like everybody else. Does that make me a bad person?",3.0977907291949047,4.533627686635949,4.287774464624563,87.05670371374356,73.97695852534562,7.13353212252643,23.82461371645433,7.724431198458867,1.0525767958796424,836,24,174,11,17,274,134,217,0.11800000000000001,0.7909999999999999,0.091,-0.6846,0,0,0,0,0,0,26.0,1,0,1,5,7,9,0,1,9,1,28,8,4,5,2,40,43,15,0,13,6,0,0,2,0,8,3,0,0,3,6,12,1,1,4,1,0,5,7,5,0,3,14,3,29,4,24,18,4,32,0,3,3,0,7,16,0,4,13,122,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13665568753334956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11620682209609524,0.0,0.1307256147928109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16055092518842667,0.13139906956876454,0.14268080846270045,0.1041691588888038,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13643678381159552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1734434274479305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495415369447677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1427514608402789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14397694469896036,0.0,0.15357931203207745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14535364576729096,0.0,0.1873652313994324,0.0,0.0,0.1785594316282247,0.0,0.19423436674810432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15188934463587905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1207002589738888,0.1669703547474192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18653981901816646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11406624207617032,0.0,0.0,0.18614251964841155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13179609653400726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17931376877525215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14920911492597266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997539801962268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1710071782165249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17761366518122682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19542048137942056,0.0,0.0,0.10949541855215483,0.0,0.0,0.29893109800013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10079167381389867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.364172777683402,0.0,0.0,0.11004354394948623 ptsd,templemads,2019/01/05,"Just diagnosed I (22F) was just diagnosed right before the holidays, the same day I said goodbye to my boyfriend (22M) for the winter break. (I was raped and have been abused in past relationships). We’re entering the third week apart and our conversations have been mostly arguments. He’s unsure if he can stay in a relationship where he constantly has to put in so much effort reassuring me and making sure I’m okay. He says he’s afraid to be angry or upset because it makes me so upset. I feel helpless and terrified. I feel so alone. I don’t have any good friends and my therapist (through my university) isn’t here to talk to. I can’t stop crying and all I want to do is text him and hear his voice but he needs space right now. I’m so alone and terrified. I know I’m too dependent on him. I know I have issues and I can be crazy. But I just want to talk to somebody. I feel so irrational and scared. ",2.130623401534528,4.122188385869567,3.765959079283888,87.34042199488495,78.18478260869566,7.8076726342711,23.323529411764717,8.671277953709913,1.519476726342711,709,23,153,16,17,236,107,184,0.228,0.7020000000000001,0.07,-0.9841,0,2,0,0,1,0,23.0,1,0,0,1,12,11,1,4,5,1,18,3,0,3,2,33,33,19,0,4,7,0,3,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,1,10,0,1,5,1,0,2,3,6,0,1,5,7,23,5,14,26,4,20,0,1,0,1,20,9,0,4,7,92,24,0,0.0,0.17685057626402734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30917998381247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10150299933965108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09098847963640806,0.0,0.12701061913114073,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16129875222812431,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16395684741335412,0.09626137720172534,0.0,0.0,0.3029947430651865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2264134335626127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11531913388108468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251935397051615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16822865950372606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15579032018492042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16406053225478684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19926654021327095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10972444262937013,0.11067557741654767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248707659326387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1500491238958548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3205021753228228,0.0,0.2549371639681408,0.14198195228878213,0.1186988069874136,0.14943689010453062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909299464855892,0.0,0.1247893724139375,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1406772817785617,0.0,0.0,0.23994162361617355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17330420988491693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1760767055847102,0.0,0.11972864387292625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,danimichelle2010,2019/01/05,"Anxiety falling asleep bc bad things happen I no longer can take naps due to several times I’ve decided to take a nap I’ve been waken up to bad news. One time I took a nap & was waken up to a phone call that my brother died. Another time I was awaken telling me my cousin had shot someone & almost killed the person. Another time I was informed my other brother was shot & hours later died. & last night I was woke up by a phone call telling me my cousin had committed suicide I’m so terrified to even sleep as I feel like life just hits the fan when I’m asleep. The feeling when you get that call and the words leading up. You just don’t know who it’s going to be this time or what happened. It’s so awful. I’m just really struggling. I know it may sound silly to some. I have a pounding migraine probably from being so tired from staying up last night due to my cousins death & then working 8 hours. But I’m just too afraid to shut my eyes. Any advice? I’m worried I may have mild PTSD. Any input would help :(",1.6514788732394372,3.5878098638497637,2.9672558685446013,92.75764436619718,79.46948356807512,5.950140845070423,22.85657276995305,6.961326702584282,0.6198584037558685,803,26,175,9,20,260,122,213,0.226,0.721,0.053,-0.9919,0,0,0,0,0,1,26.0,0,2,0,2,11,7,1,2,9,1,17,7,4,1,1,22,35,10,5,1,6,5,2,1,0,3,3,1,0,1,10,1,0,0,6,3,0,4,2,5,0,1,10,4,19,2,18,19,1,28,0,0,1,0,18,6,0,5,18,91,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09607320840478137,0.0,0.0,0.0984492221445619,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5326264533616529,0.0,0.13371643469888425,0.20618569165273853,0.07521143259325805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16417942306183908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3011747317797239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2040728678796853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06493675768843694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942299669594948,0.07023693427388435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05136602599682416,0.0,0.055875220036726105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738809396579817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06589910882627042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936428128805894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1087720318768224,0.0,0.10806374979375467,0.16028124249468886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06944346298306844,0.048032207004959984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18452571780693053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06662143210881685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08584569525521665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10600122263056604,0.0,0.1149260842305079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06298371504843049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11106903889746353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09838695253244846,0.0,0.0833027853277043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047917212711554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1027811775473281,0.0,0.1075416918981711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14784271755166134,0.0,0.17186494737807476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06531674851059056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28664410519824435,0.11299972158313383,0.0,0.0,0.1092326378842952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157518248577824,0.09984461952289243,0.0,0.06984083000730325,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,C19H21N3Os,2019/05/20,"Do you ever get just completely wrecked by a nightmare? I do have nightmares every night so I am mostly used to it. I can usually brush it off. But sometimes they’re so vivid and cut so deep that I am completely destroyed for the next several days. I haven’t felt this low in months.",1.8294736842105264,4.1915283508771966,3.0202631578947354,90.32934210526315,81.28070175438596,6.60701754385965,25.28947368421053,7.793537801064563,1.4802421052631578,224,9,46,4,6,72,46,57,0.152,0.848,0.0,-0.8037,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,1,0,0,5,3,2,0,2,0,7,0,0,1,1,7,10,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,3,6,0,5,9,1,10,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,1,6,32,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5526303296288606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699605683902657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23838571425311755,0.22204260206846452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25303834476115444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13768801979197506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2103539632866635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2802762470062896,0.2473130847916861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2977235581147571,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2606463732634365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2276126996463118,0.2902504900117442,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Iwaslopster,2019/05/20,"breakthrough in therapy I was diagnosed with PTSD and OCD about four months back and have been in therapy ever since. During an EMDR session I realized my OCD is almost entirely centered around the traumas I encountered as a teenager. I realized that I'm no longer in that environment and that I can't hold the entire world accountable for the actions of a few. My violent obsessions have all but disappeared and I feel I can open my heart up again. I know I still have a long way to go but today was a good day.",5.0238571428571435,6.2354755,6.1474285714285735,76.43300000000002,69.0,10.514285714285714,32.285714285714285,10.608840637214634,3.6849714285714286,410,18,76,12,7,137,70,100,0.107,0.851,0.040999999999999995,-0.4767,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,0,0,0,0,6,4,1,1,8,0,9,2,1,0,2,17,13,7,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,7,0,1,4,0,1,3,2,3,0,1,3,1,12,1,11,10,2,20,0,0,0,0,0,8,0,1,8,57,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2327622872414461,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069272837740384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17873754359940866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14990920985287035,0.0,0.0,0.2359290083045969,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2102617942641791,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11753228522906235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13210509674489945,0.19496567742382487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27545104334359066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277468984617625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20570845145372485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18553713207945186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717183299824959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19228272040603966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18563262889666585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5316472472050858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2203327599862688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18450576257790693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bothnutsweigh2poundz,2019/05/20,"how to study/concentrate? hi all :) recently i’ve been getting pretty serious trauma, maybe the worst i’ve had apart from the first few weeks after what happened. problem is , i have v important exams next week and i can’t focus. does anyone have any tips for managing flashbacks etc during exam season? thank u <3",2.6591379310344827,5.665130689655175,3.716810344827589,81.32797413793107,86.93103448275862,6.348275862068967,22.767241379310345,7.645422480735847,1.7627172413793106,252,9,40,5,8,81,52,58,0.174,0.664,0.162,-0.1926,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,1,1,5,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,1,1,4,9,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,1,2,0,2,1,4,7,4,8,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,7,22,3,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1869845302008977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19226079149982414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406223105216225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3066568567509456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23388371419631016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14365701958673904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2431492126308513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27623767709158586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2924266785644263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27973661292522284,0.0,0.2631028241317437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2714931701383583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.253149341741546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411180826540226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,hydroxyzeen,2019/05/20,"I dont know what to do with myself [22F] Its weird. I'll be sitting down...and suddenly I just feel tears roll down my face. Like right now, as I type this tears are streaming down my face and its for nothing. Im not sad, I dont feel anything in particular, I just cry and I find that if I sit in it too long, my body goes on autopilot. My ears ring, my native language doesnt make sense/convo is hard, I get extremely irritable, but Im better at...completing task? I dont get distracted as easily when im on autopilot and im way more capable and effective when it gets like that. I forget small stuff, like if i ate, who i talked to, what we talked about, what happened the day before, etc. I feel like I'm truly losing my mind. I come from a family with a history of sexual violence against relatives. I was terrorized and molested by several of my cousins, groomed by my father figure who was previously convicted of raping his 11 year old stepdaughter and getting her pregnant, sexually assaulted and physically abused at school and nearly raped by my Primary Molester at the funeral of one of my uncles. I've battled with suicidal tendencies since I tried to hang myself with my jump rope at 8. Even after all that, I was raped at 19. I feel like everyone has taken a piece of me, like my body belongs to everyone but me. I feel completely and utterly hopeless in terms of my future, I dont think I'll ever recover from what was done to me and im just waiting to die. Ive been on medication and I found one that makes it...better? I dont actively hurt myself when im on it and it makes me feel a little more in control but it also gives me a LOT of clarity. I feel exposed and raw and overwhelmed by just existing and having to remember (or not remember) my traumas. I feel like im watching myself go insane from a sidecar. Am I alone in this? Does this even make sense?",2.030856725146201,4.095510044736848,4.363508771929826,82.57900584795324,78.8157894736842,8.432748538011698,26.08187134502924,9.150863307647796,2.3933362573099424,1467,59,296,40,36,510,194,380,0.226,0.648,0.126,-0.9934,0,1,0,0,1,4,51.0,1,0,0,4,14,24,7,3,8,0,20,10,5,6,2,60,47,27,3,2,12,2,9,7,0,0,1,2,0,0,21,21,1,2,16,0,0,4,8,16,0,2,9,12,52,8,48,37,7,39,0,5,1,3,10,19,0,4,20,192,73,2,0.0,0.08442173184299971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07379537640202917,0.0,0.0569800387333338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0586341603695481,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06063003387387636,0.0,0.0,0.06301642690147452,0.0,0.15828937450716246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06137711665158903,0.14941231339724495,0.0,0.07991495238582877,0.0,0.0,0.0782667565950661,0.04595151649847861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07394811921217574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06235293035480643,0.07291532951692231,0.41753289483792894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07946459158489934,0.0941222838428042,0.06445133236051903,0.0,0.13616829669561342,0.0,0.0,0.06716985581093507,0.0,0.28821640773680546,0.15270690051296085,0.0,0.0,0.06512285438297834,0.0,0.0,0.07812392103924917,0.0,0.0,0.1489044988031744,0.06835121911343786,0.0404940399496751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.063007731444899,0.0,0.06382761753800986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07627652558606404,0.0,0.5387491962422077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03915812589537675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2436702129559461,0.07141302213942075,0.0,0.06305560085420818,0.0,0.07971253871764959,0.0,0.06057573238842325,0.0,0.0,0.19024451917026503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07177869245048636,0.0,0.0,0.07194400641510769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06836802379075063,0.0,0.07476677827800245,0.0,0.09656412740910138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16142879942844202,0.06084864790375865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0721106255721761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08049425300391952,0.0,0.05894022527223203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08156626417896498,0.07793790458664568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1145389957715328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04565527643115328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04837529512251063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05655636235748414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0458838231307778 ptsd,cynical-bonehead,2019/05/20,"Brother thinks I am mental I finally told my brother about my ptsd and reoccurring flashbacks. He looked scared when i mentioned how my flashbacks worked, and demanded why i wasnt getting treatment for it. He keot repeating ""thats not normal dude! Its not normal!"" That still echoes through my mind. I've had flashbacks for more than half my life and he made me feel like I'm 'crazy'. Maybe he doesnt understand. But it is common for PTSD people to have flashbacks right??? I mean. I've read that but i know no one with it, so i still feel like the outlier.",1.82551282051282,4.4838265370370385,2.400000000000002,92.65269230769232,84.55555555555556,5.545299145299146,23.122507122507123,7.010146845296331,0.8460831908831912,438,16,88,6,13,135,71,108,0.07200000000000001,0.88,0.049,-0.3235,0,0,0,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,1,6,3,0,1,1,0,6,1,0,2,0,19,17,8,0,2,4,2,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,6,1,0,0,5,1,0,2,4,3,13,2,8,13,1,7,0,0,1,0,8,1,0,0,8,51,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045392541953145,0.2549617476913653,0.0,0.19547736145553796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0932299501359352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09806849770115396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260407139843448,0.1743580577663611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14984854032854553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16884861625673905,0.0,0.0,0.17927160771538406,0.1943785065482434,0.0,0.0,0.17983020868302108,0.0,0.1801781997070703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3496756850004172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12091869427223367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12371103284856115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4171844285867471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784929119765519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15239073246282764,0.0,0.0,0.1786541968658786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28501221179410346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11434010870940906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17051148371021055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18576714503052874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16101851636506814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990981031960971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,crxptocreep,2019/05/20,"How To Deal With Intense Flashbacks?? Hi! I'm on mobile bla bla bad formatting etc. OKAY. SO. I'm awful with dealing with stress. I'm equally awful with dealing with flashbacks and other PTSD symptoms. Woohoo. I'm a sophomore in the smack-dab middle of a southern Texas conservative praise-Jesus kinda town, and the stigma on students with PTSD is unbelievable. So, generally speaking, everyone here reserves the term PTSD for veterans and people of war. My school has NO IDEA on how to help PTSD sufferers. I just had possibly the most intense flashback of my life at school, and I'm in the middle of a final exam review and can't leave class for about an hour and a half. How am I supposed to cope without directing attention to myself until I can leave?",4.032453954496212,6.459164401408451,4.957323943661971,78.97624593716144,74.0,7.186132177681474,29.2329360780065,8.139509932561175,2.3629581798483197,603,26,101,10,13,196,89,142,0.166,0.732,0.102,-0.9402,0,0,0,0,0,0,20.0,0,0,0,0,8,5,1,1,10,3,6,2,0,3,0,23,11,12,1,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,12,0,1,2,0,0,0,3,4,0,1,1,1,6,1,25,10,4,13,0,1,0,0,6,9,0,2,4,66,7,6,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11542200503601666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.427548402150164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417064162429098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1320912449919322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15143172460033988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09265725422789277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613546269481847,0.0,0.0,0.1560525901700234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2927457525997341,0.0,0.0,0.09764078329269256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09583603398804816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15584129065656646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6463659732962769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2798061675183649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15834985757662115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14368102884959594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13325540130861835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,madlove17,2019/05/20,"How do I know if I have mild PTSD? I quit my job as a behavior interventionist at an autism clinic 2 weeks ago. It got too stressful since I often had to commute from client to client. I worked with kids of mostly ages of 2-4. Kids were often aggressive by hitting, slapping, biting, throwing, spitting,ect. I was in that job for 10months and quit due to burn out. It took over my mental and emotional health. I became increasingly moody and impatient with my family outside of work. I developed anxiety/stress. At work I would flinch a lot with kids I worked with and was paranoid of them hitting/throwing. My mind would race and I'd get super defensive. I still have nightmares of kids screaming at me or trying to hurt me. And I still have nightmares of one of the moms being angry with me cause her kid wasn't engaged. The mom didn't want me to work with her kid anymore. I still low key feel guilt because I wasn't a better therapist but I was so burned out. I'm doing better but I still have these nightmares.",2.9891055555555535,5.085144055000004,3.9063333333333365,86.84622222222225,75.95,6.6444444444444475,25.11111111111111,7.594959193182576,1.2958777777777777,801,28,157,11,18,257,118,200,0.136,0.8370000000000001,0.026000000000000002,-0.9232,2,0,0,0,0,0,24.0,0,0,1,10,9,12,2,2,6,0,17,2,0,2,0,31,25,13,0,4,4,2,1,0,0,2,2,1,0,6,4,14,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,8,0,1,10,2,27,4,29,11,3,19,0,2,0,0,11,8,0,6,8,105,31,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.108948149865321,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12188905108825085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0749219418714363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2173995342290736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262576187361159,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13825194159417686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11586419673050065,0.0,0.06214462232316378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06421295659748501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09829861144841903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13064260709026576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.131572686285029,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2439291295809773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06754554922836427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044897073220132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12385965420170895,0.0,0.1240993361117712,0.2878904490207113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08328382516354772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1436697411450281,0.0,0.0,0.26144987155306204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1016685501827468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3926093869835445,0.0,0.2815752559791039,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14270254861888493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13655233200105285,0.08344464407884179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07249274168250318,0.0,0.0985872335974708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4473826811811868,0.0,0.0,0.1746168249912333,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anxiousdudeguybro,2019/05/20,"Can anyone relate? I saw a few posts searching through here but I feel as I’ve just had a sort of revelation / realized something I guess I knew all along. Unfortunately it seems difficult to fix and I’m not sure where to turn. 2014: I received heart surgery and woke up during the surgery. I didn’t think much of at the time, as I don’t recall experiencing pain but tbh the memory is pretty fuzzy now. Cue, panic attacks, debilitating anxiety, blurry vision, horrible memory, extreme hypochondria for the next 5 years. I am a shell of the person I once was. I am now reading up on ptsd following waking up during surgery, and I seem to fit the description. I’ve been in therapy since but not until my latest therapist was the idea of ptsd, rather than plain old anxiety discussed. I never felt anxiety the way it was typically described to me. What I feel can maybe be best described as extreme discomfort, like I want to jump out of my skin. I disassociate from the horrible sensations I am feeling. It’s so inexplicable that I have trouble even describing it to doctors which just makes things worse. The ssris just seem to numb me up enough to be functional but I refuse to allow this to be the rest of my life. I will fight this. I want to get better and I’ll do anything to get better. But who can help me? It’s not this vivid memory I have that I can trace through the trauma. Has anyone had experience with this and sought the correct treatment? I’m open to all options.",3.558181818181815,5.666831209790209,4.921250349650354,80.15556783216785,74.31468531468532,8.212363636363637,27.52391608391609,8.954980946260402,2.344691076923077,1170,46,222,26,25,389,164,286,0.198,0.685,0.11599999999999999,-0.9806,0,0,1,0,1,0,31.0,0,0,0,3,10,14,2,2,16,0,24,7,3,2,5,45,45,15,0,3,12,0,5,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,15,9,0,1,11,1,0,3,6,9,0,0,11,8,28,5,38,30,7,25,0,0,2,0,7,11,0,6,10,152,43,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2912239497919181,0.0,0.0,0.17745645801145138,0.0,0.10442411950075604,0.0,0.0,0.14436186089329756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13316891577986187,0.2244573761028156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12988284067202355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13111689143879635,0.0,0.08381322895850322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412807130788905,0.0,0.0,0.1924864132992109,0.0,0.12183950426245978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13259524037883574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.139789612826666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503716851626478,0.08505532602532485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14324948483107675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08962998877456513,0.06199469308899268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08470367904559087,0.0,0.12748350655268342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09328273539538816,0.0,0.09786957172502887,0.0,0.13495472009992154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13315539849775854,0.1351394822161015,0.0,0.0,0.13502567500580415,0.1488844356947198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11080018725370634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12153073642627207,0.12909826314190492,0.0,0.0,0.2966679136377941,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12692976095632796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3465624769505256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049692037617298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09769029483006236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11959743278549533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14511597324863015,0.1473353645386781,0.08430367934304657,0.08130946212649831,0.0,0.0,0.07399374059867392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13802577938595184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14969241440424233,0.10072367889509698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1293172752361167,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08171649085723612 ptsd,ghettoflight,2019/05/20,"When is it ok to call out people Hello all, This seems a little bit controversial to me and honestly I didn’t search for this topic cause what happened is fresh and I’m running on emotions. But I’m upset, I could tell you all my triumphs and tragedies but what matters most is the fact a friend, a drinking buddy and bad ass EMT took his own life with no warning signs. Another friend of mine started a PTSD awareness group that over the years has gathered quite a bit of people. He charges way to much for shirts and merchandise and now is using J as a way to attract more people through social media. Why do I do ? Private call out ? Social media call out ? Kev FF/ Medic",2.124586466165411,4.559940067669174,2.9315413533834622,90.96543233082708,80.65413533834587,5.003007518796993,23.785714285714285,6.1826913282559595,0.5912195488721803,531,19,104,4,14,167,93,133,0.094,0.718,0.188,0.9291,0,0,1,0,0,0,11.0,0,1,0,2,2,8,0,1,8,1,9,5,2,2,3,22,16,10,0,1,2,0,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,6,10,1,0,1,1,0,2,2,2,0,0,2,0,8,6,16,13,8,14,0,0,0,1,14,6,1,2,4,64,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15649272762433108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1246104204845048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3258661343039305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4571767797264539,0.0,0.0,0.15331213318533796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11915719558570426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461998552865962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16787660257649856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23060722872336506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13197376748522727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1054136865733894,0.0,0.14957919231685501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1503451124270089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097096760372274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103957990270099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17445532958423332,0.0,0.0,0.1587367080501048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13586385845049231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3042658340595452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10563390337286048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304436509760585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16581280021025313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889674045513091,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2369219155939359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13466724267150465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09610663431820478 ptsd,lifelesslevi,2019/05/20,"Could you get PTSD from a mental hospital and assault? Trigger warnings: suicide and sexual assault, r*pe 3 years ago, I was put into a mental hospital because of a friend who told the school about my suicide attempt.. it was the most traumatizing time of my life and made things so much worse for me.. 4, 2, and 3 years ago I've been sexually assaulted in school, on the bus, and in my sleep.. twice by the same person, three times by another person... Whenever I see their names or hear their voices, I get so fucking pissed off and have thoughts of killing them... It's scary and I hate feeling this way.. I've spoken to someone about it and nothing has been done about it and it's been a year since then.. I don't know if I have ptsd because of any of this.. I get terrified around d loud noises and screaming (mental hospital) and I can't be around males even in a crowd without wanting to break down and hide from them out of fear of getting raped or assaulted again...",5.943860066634933,5.829913162303665,6.070823417420279,82.46431223227036,66.59162303664921,9.249119466920515,32.546882436934794,8.841846274778883,2.475320418848168,758,29,154,11,11,241,116,191,0.29600000000000004,0.682,0.022000000000000002,-0.9962,0,0,0,0,0,2,34.0,0,1,4,1,9,12,9,1,9,0,13,5,2,2,0,30,27,18,3,3,4,0,1,0,1,0,1,4,0,3,9,16,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,11,0,2,9,6,17,1,28,16,3,22,0,0,1,2,14,10,2,4,9,101,26,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21812689022440465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0836682807404117,0.12901332863611892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2190551550115125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15000245722568206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09823374329802803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12590791564360804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08126371129896068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13844901379507749,0.06221038736444216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09505683310911396,0.11374423069989305,0.25712364187989706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12147197041490745,0.0,0.0,0.13866982063102912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13612042409400146,0.0,0.06761702984353439,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08690353088665231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1164190559874057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37197218900027385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044516447518502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805577001703382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2148595046568117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2876435615845677,0.12368454434495685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24903675596617075,0.09804327225620707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10177614173531448,0.0,0.12312423950303165,0.0,0.10424748229268736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2691614830831297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173924265542146,0.0,0.0,0.0976763523608731,0.14348584462526612,0.0,0.0,0.11756558276066024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07256945770347023,0.09765976164398754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11860172043809727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12538356833810851,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2376922618507306 ptsd,Missjensen33104,2019/05/20,"Unsure A few years ago I watched some ISIS propaganda videos. This year I began my Bachelor’s Degree, my field covers human rights and atrocities like genocide. I have been experiencing flashbacks and thoughts about the videos I watched when I was younger. I am struggling to sleep at night and constantly feel paranoid, I feel haunted by the deaths that I saw. I feel like I compartmentalised the videos after watching them and now my Degree has triggered my memory of them. Has anyone experienced these sorts of emotions after witnessing something traumatic through a device?",7.427959183673469,10.163188683673473,6.285459183673472,71.81757653061227,65.22448979591837,8.981632653061224,35.71938775510204,9.516144504307137,3.8893224489795912,473,23,69,10,8,142,69,98,0.16,0.789,0.051,-0.8625,0,0,1,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,2,0,3,3,0,1,5,0,6,1,1,1,0,11,12,5,2,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,3,4,0,0,4,3,0,0,0,1,0,0,5,9,16,2,9,7,2,12,0,0,4,0,3,2,0,2,12,47,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364061521213203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18647707801816527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28819904631064364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29999233191186403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4045420979597991,0.190524645133596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26058424358097554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2502721485970349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22775330407034464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2668843595013025,0.0,0.0,0.20531234461433415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27880413034910845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2117234660167244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3434814965138588 ptsd,redflowers310,2019/05/20,"Realized that I might have PTSD..now what? Long story short. Traumatic relationship events that took place over 2-3 years in high school. During that time I was foolishly oil painting in enclosed spaces (didn’t help my sanity or brain development). I went a couple months where I couldn’t even go to a full week of school. Sometimes I think I’m over it- I can go days without thinking about it. A couple nights ago the dreams kept happening. I’d wake myself up, fall back asleep and they’d happen again. I used to want the dreams- but they are now so unwelcome and in my youth never realized they were toxic. I can’t afford professional help but I’m really happy to discover what this may have all been. How do I move forward?",2.0247183979975,4.735154283687943,3.210663329161452,86.81647058823532,84.177304964539,6.7219023779724685,20.350855235711308,7.928766900206844,1.148088527325824,578,17,111,12,17,186,103,141,0.066,0.816,0.11800000000000001,0.728,1,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,3,0,8,2,0,0,5,0,14,3,3,2,2,20,27,7,0,2,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,2,4,2,0,7,5,1,0,0,7,1,15,1,12,16,2,34,0,0,0,0,6,14,0,3,15,68,23,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14334116750124193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12434067927073884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1805155559922048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35784561992588,0.0,0.1042859413119254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10680421144860414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18380064012966346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2859892810666149,0.1721373089612519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2167740615299876,0.1708495453050753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310327908955653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17154278285526878,0.0,0.0,0.1290708855460636,0.17186615461317026,0.0,0.0,0.1247163790584854,0.0,0.0,0.15174859728072182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1689466498409751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890237553899453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359196022885264,0.0,0.0,0.17360997742644624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3273069112587466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15992975690044675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2072272621791108,0.0,0.0,0.09429111865725533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17965950517052814,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13966065695108418,0.0,0.0,0.09537742716128074,0.0,0.1297094919193054,0.0,0.0,0.14990157122460415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558772424414338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10413231272446652 ptsd,emkains,2019/09/01,"PTSD following job in Cyber Crime *trigger warning* Hi fellow redditors. Thank you in advance for reading this. This is my first post but figured maybe someone would have ideas for me. Just over a year ago I left my job in cyber security for a well known messaging app. This messaging app is widly used for pedophillia, abuse, grooming etc. I had to act on written descriptions, photos etc and get the offenders to the appropriate authorities. This included intense inspection of images and film, which are haunting me to this day. I went to required therapy every week while I was in the job, but was left without any resources after I quit. I was found ""unable"" to preform my job anymore after I met with the psychiatrist and explained how I was feeling, she then diagnosed me with PTSD and the company gave me a small severance package. I worked there for a year, my son turned 1 and then 2. I got to the point, near the end of my employment, where I couldn't even change his diaper without a panic attack or leave him alone with anyone out of fear of them hurting him sexually (without zero other warning signs, only my brain convincing myself). Now I'm at the point where my son is the age where he is ""discovering"" his body....and it may be TOTALLY normal what he's doing but it puts me into full anxiety mode, with flashbacks and sweats etc. I don't know what to do. We are still potty training and he's naked most of the time and holyyyyyy f***ck does it stress me out when literally anyone else is around. Can barely breathe even writing about it. Anyone experience anything similar and find ways to combat it? This is a part of life that I can't avoid, I have kids, so I need to figure out how the hell to deal with it. Any advice, words of support, even resources would be much appreciated.",5.0449266862170115,6.566779498533728,5.682092668621702,78.61913900293256,69.26392961876833,8.623155425219942,30.355542521994128,9.065960079200117,2.631649055718475,1423,57,258,27,25,461,203,341,0.121,0.792,0.087,-0.938,5,2,0,0,1,0,48.0,1,1,1,5,17,13,3,4,17,0,26,5,3,4,1,54,43,20,0,5,8,2,1,0,1,3,2,0,0,1,17,20,0,3,9,2,0,5,6,8,1,2,11,1,37,5,46,26,8,46,1,1,0,0,23,22,1,3,17,184,54,8,0.0,0.1108581178095852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142972185539537,0.08293889865923412,0.0,0.0,0.09690415432595977,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12725354586373616,0.0,0.0715762539476632,0.0,0.09279041147899776,0.1962665100366974,0.09586744190910916,0.07699525366290462,0.08329185495466228,0.0,0.1064426317585366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1044484404992938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09897837505852387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06034108183176112,0.09646044306028734,0.0,0.0949655568898414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08187854416326057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07816077077700312,0.0,0.08286999067326391,0.0,0.3130459964500177,0.18539454835203106,0.0,0.0788317604986179,0.0,0.0,0.09152360951407244,0.0,0.10528558595235601,0.0473088027602925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08551586073489573,0.07958554624621622,0.0,0.10258816839273316,0.0,0.0,0.048883362465835085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07483173035377033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10016226716660152,0.10562244119826462,0.0,0.0,0.3713915910157482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05142036344131458,0.0,0.0,0.09907083569173193,0.20331526168000055,0.0,0.06608706642195793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09399767957621476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06878035370061726,0.06937656896051161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09167291857628053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0711596879076587,0.0,0.10977727126241528,0.0,0.10132076509466699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1768965687947182,0.0,0.08960851117267668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21874277105129208,0.09405772831205203,0.0,0.09951690059911464,0.09358938518158694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057007619684718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07927652900069762,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07472038350340345,0.0,0.10717732081484577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10617539265052724,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08614122070705875,0.10699866299314753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05455795896675784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1017708355756309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08080931162673607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426680007900661,0.07505144957984809,0.0,0.08412533140214239,0.08673482601953615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705772606607017,0.0,0.06811575396599523,0.0,0.0,0.13293045517567814,0.0,0.0,0.12050438101993802 ptsd,The_Xivili,2019/09/01,"Something positive for once. I'm going to try to keep this short. I visited one of the main sources of my trauma yesterday for the first time in a decade, and despite me dreading the thought of it coming for months, it was actually a pleasant experience. I know that I'm probably not the only one affected in my scenario like I was, as it was a very chaotic time and environment, but it is good to see that ten years can pass and old wounds can heal almost in the blink of an eye just by facing them. Time really does heal all wounds, and sometimes getting through it is the hardest part. Now is what matters though, but you already know that.",8.05952380952381,6.496343841269841,7.958730158730159,75.4057142857143,62.96825396825397,11.257142857142858,38.460317460317455,10.125756701596842,3.687707936507936,508,22,100,9,6,164,83,126,0.043,0.855,0.10300000000000001,0.7678,0,0,1,0,0,0,12.0,0,1,1,1,3,5,0,1,10,0,8,6,2,1,1,17,18,8,0,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,4,0,0,0,10,5,0,1,3,0,0,4,1,2,0,4,4,2,8,3,16,14,3,17,0,0,2,0,3,4,0,1,10,69,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.19011188242534474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.195079640595215,0.0,0.21498381298734856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16781635333292946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17048440791320282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19056699819886566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16571001437423075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10178308849968333,0.0,0.11071817131208464,0.1634020473462249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17316101945733195,0.0,0.0,0.21413107195688869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.095177041274776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15549991999168464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2044261569387557,0.20747221150478548,0.2640241283499953,0.1481660108176304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21096626500874932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004412186273871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1248038351888385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15524277711519585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1499785346116464,0.1926775685863999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19140529690386213,0.15466179218660622,0.3407955561418277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13226697606124524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16074323833893228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12545483227063414 ptsd,screaming-succotash,2019/09/01,"Would I be in the wrong if I asked my boyfriend's family to not talk about triggering topics? CW: alcohol abuse and medical aspects I considered posting this on the ""Am I the asshole"" subreddit but I'm worried people would just make fun of me. I might post there anyway but I have to think about it. I've been going out with my boyfriend for over nine years now, and his brother, Steve, has struggled with alcohol for about half of our relationship. We've never had a particularly positive relationship and he hasn't had a good relationship with my boyfriend for years before I'd even met him. Steve has tried several times to be sober up but hasn't been able to maintain it. After an alcohol-related medical emergency a few months ago, he's tried again, this time by taking up counseling and AA, which is great! However, I have PTSD after an incredibly traumatic hospitalization. I was formally diagnosed two years ago but I have suffered symptoms for seven years. I grew up in a very small community with poor mental health services, so it just festered for years until I moved away. The therapists I worked with in my hometown were unhelpful. I also live with other mental illnesses so it amplifies it. I am currently doing what I can for treatment. Because of the triggers, I find it difficult to seek treatment. I was undergoing exposure therapy but even going to the doctor's office was so difficult that the doctor believed it wasn't effective for me. I'm on a waitlist for TMS and attend one on one psychotherapy (again, it's very difficult for me). Once I'm done there, I'm really hoping I can attend group therapy so I can be even better. While I have a frustratingly long list of triggers, mentions of surgery, mental health, hospitals and therapies are the worst. Anyways, I'm generally a very private person. I don't feel comfortable telling my boyfriend's family that I'm mentally ill or even that I have PTSD. Somehow, and I don't know how, but almost every time we visit, they say something upsetting. Sometimes, I'm able to just kind of disassociate for a few moments (terrible habit) but other times I have to excuse myself so I can go downstairs and have a panic attack and freak out and cry. I'll often use the excuse of needing to check something in my purse. We live several hours away so when we visit (every few months) we will stay over. I've spent countless nights there waking up in a cold sweat from horrifying nightmares, or quietly crying myself to sleep. I've recently told my boyfriend to please ask his family to not discuss things like surgery or sickness because they ""make me uncomfortable."" I don't think they understand the severity of it because it seems every time we go, it happens again. As I mentioned, Steve is getting sober. When we visit, all of the siblings and their partners visit too. They all live in the same city. My boyfriend and I don't. I'm happy for Steve, please don't get me wrong. However, whenever we visit, Steve will proudly update everyone on how his therapies are going, how he's getting cleaner bills of health from his doctor, and how his AA group is going (just for him, he doesn't talk about others). Basically, whatever comes out of his mouth is a big trigger for me. It's often in situations where I can't get away, such as during outings or dinner. I'm so worried about making a scene all the time. It's just extremely upsetting. However, I know he's just excited and proud to update his family but it unintentionally hurts me. This is where I wonder if I'm an asshole: is it unfair of me to ask him not to talk about these things around me? I have no issue with it being talked about when I'm not around. I would prefer it that way. I don't even mind being told to leave the room while they talk. I know in most cases it's reasonable to ask people not to talk about triggering things but he's just genuinely happy to talk about it. I feel like I have two options: just not go or ask everyone to please not discuss these things when I'm in the room. Here is some assorted information that I think is relevant: - Steve can see his family whenever to update them and can text my boyfriend. We live five hours away. - I don't want to look like a bitch because we've had a poor relationship. This has nothing to do with that. It has everything to do with my mental wellbeing I'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. I don't want to just never show up. I like his family but it's not good for my mental health. I'm also scared they'll ask ""where's succotash?"" and my boyfriend won't know what to say. But at the same time, Steve is family. I'm an in-law. What do you all think? This is the condensed version of what I would post on the other sub, which would just contain more info on how serious PTSD is and how it affects me. I just want to feel safe and not triggered whenever I go visit.",4.2998530009287235,5.960036329449152,5.378287671232879,79.53536800557231,71.29872881355931,8.901416299048062,28.609472951009984,9.401371398237696,2.609542013002089,3861,148,726,88,73,1274,341,944,0.17,0.7809999999999999,0.049,-0.9990000000000001,4,0,5,0,1,0,114.0,9,1,8,5,64,38,3,5,38,0,76,21,4,19,6,147,142,61,0,13,38,1,4,4,1,10,16,3,2,2,49,42,3,2,20,2,5,19,26,19,2,8,16,10,98,19,114,111,14,105,0,2,2,0,77,40,1,18,45,499,147,5,0.08632301927307025,0.051139331097008536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07652014815263407,0.13837958264457864,0.04322001723384026,0.0,0.0,0.06903248732502643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0768457886959036,0.24210111080784466,0.04910244820940035,0.16220663637415855,0.0,0.0,0.10524342265513244,0.0,0.03672726570529492,0.04862824108877131,0.0,0.03817284779063866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037179818770628516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09482178325475686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043808023738442815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13253290206826224,0.0,0.044169209714246906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14253885024519625,0.0,0.10909630022828144,0.0824853442071396,0.03879078179111043,0.0,0.28482181006536594,0.0,0.06547126839147413,0.030834591108418106,0.0,0.0,0.039448837871116915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09020042943789808,0.0,0.1962374446705825,0.07240365299834214,0.0,0.04758571674779443,0.0,0.0,0.03816758042851345,0.09189245918620427,0.03866423484985846,0.0,0.0,0.18351466568181807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04286911787634412,0.08501078553590863,0.0,0.04620528875348608,0.0,0.0,0.045049402348292855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08989214082880308,0.0948817477009892,0.0,0.0,0.04570180667507913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08434613374539186,0.0,0.152449615058296,0.03819657781483375,0.03624479759071312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08643192851100669,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0869613602753909,0.26097990010931715,0.04578754096755413,0.043580820769582175,0.0,0.06890221041412192,0.04587385411559927,0.0,0.032003712497988016,0.06657763410872658,0.0,0.0,0.04050415295303993,0.0,0.041414632568607605,0.0,0.0,0.04596559912362135,0.05849471191673064,0.0,0.0,0.05064073189170972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0598455124821793,0.03768696539758703,0.0450945911111356,0.14213512926848634,0.0,0.0,0.12401038586566948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1513604851168862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02765036828678301,0.044377220445636974,0.04261678372275796,0.18535723442230267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06864752967823914,0.04321220073240626,0.0,0.03439413504082785,0.03929261734016794,0.0,0.14628066136202408,0.0,0.0,0.04851534522782902,0.04319268036260795,0.0,0.0,0.06645567759755716,0.042687836667476935,0.0,0.0,0.04600442645095392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.045121781240556935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044861334759236836,0.0324520837305241,0.24284110561843955,0.03772506184287687,0.0,0.19743579132896635,0.05011383936108189,0.1146983565656164,0.11062461035886928,0.0,0.0,0.17617476355310782,0.0,0.0,0.0824853442071396,0.0,0.05860766369461085,0.0,0.08432504660450818,0.04493265370402502,0.0,0.03727768633145315,0.0,0.10683829706731096,0.07637332997934841,0.03425959734657586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04680681605408837,0.031422093066496334,0.0876652162908735,0.0,0.15330349040792754,0.09438067036051223,0.0,0.13897298550124418 ptsd,Fitter4life,2019/09/01,"PTSD from recurrent kidney stones? In the past 8 months I’ve had 6 surgeries to remove over 30 kidney stones which were traumatically painful, largest was 11 mm. I went weeks with internal stents that caused more pain as well as urinary incontinence and literally had to wear diapers to work and pissed myself multiple times on construction jobs. Before this, in 2015 I had a severely painful kidney stone in jail and they basically locked me in a cell alone for 24 hours while I was writhing in pain the entire time. No pain meds were given and I begged them to send me to the hospital which they refused to do. After that 3 month stint in jail is when I started getting anxiety. These recent surgeries have exacerbated my anxiety and depression and I’m currently being prescribed an ssri and a benzodiazepine and wake up every morning with severe anxiety, sleep poorly, and end up drenched in sweat during the night. I have random panic attacks during the day as well. I find myself using weed and shrooms to escape the mental pain, but even that isn’t working any more. I’m 40 yo, married, and my oldest just left for college, and I’ve been having marital problems due to my irritability and detachment t from my wife. Does this sound like ptsd to you guys?",8.029135028062067,8.137111339055796,7.757939914163092,71.36496533509408,62.21888412017167,10.774380983823042,35.09045889732585,10.389873798559362,3.6503650709805218,1014,40,174,21,13,323,151,233,0.17800000000000002,0.789,0.033,-0.977,3,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,3,2,5,14,2,1,10,1,15,14,8,2,0,23,22,19,0,1,2,1,0,1,0,0,6,1,0,1,8,15,0,1,1,0,1,3,2,11,2,0,10,1,19,3,30,11,2,33,0,1,0,0,9,12,1,1,19,105,27,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1086628240562341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07134745543627719,0.0,0.24078465810115496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11935873180373915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08927701198336027,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777910939857464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0676630677400274,0.0,0.09036523538949333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09181395679348607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09292570869336103,0.0,0.0,0.06929697812816038,0.0,0.08839746634897082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09589263735583772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05481503091224203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10388475845988103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10332254216667723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411436793194832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11399310309012538,0.0,0.0,0.051257360495882524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653962138724305,0.0,0.10573210039844512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16748819566861298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0984579080179954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6698373059162281,0.12309800746453364,0.0,0.0,0.10015556597953684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10039181850888826,0.24528574042725115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359331243546446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2370536821724888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049932078600142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426110244033061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1223564033411904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09061498005404987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08415844003372748,0.0,0.1886667532142017,0.09725951590894903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15276228847253526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mathsgay,2019/09/01,"can you get ptsd from a manic episode? I had a really bad/strange time last year where I had rapid cycling mania and depression. It felt like I was in a nightmare for like 2months. Since then I regularly replay in my mind some of the events that happened during that time, it really distresses me and I find it really hard to stop thinking about how I acted and how uncomfortable and scared I felt. My dad was in hospital for chemotherapy and my mum was very depressed and generally mentally unwell, which, combined with university stress was all too much for me. I had really bad sleep and kept on staying up for over 25hours. I felt like I was losing touch with reality. The worst days were around christmas, when I had to drive to another city to visit my partner’s family (now ex,rip but thats actually unrelated). The drive was horrible, I couldn’t get my phone to charge and I arrived really late. I was so stressed pretty much non-verbal so I was acting really strange in front of their Mum which was our first time meeting. I kept on saying slightly inappropriate things. I got pretty much no sleep, I kept on crying and that stressed/upset my partner which then upset me because I just wanted to just feelin and act normal but I couldn’t. My ex was kind of supportive but also was pleading with me to just act normal. It was the day before christmas eve and I had to drive us home 5hours. I had hardly slept and kept on crying. I found it very difficult to drive and really just shouldn’t have been driving. But my ex couldn’t drive and we needed to get back for christmas. I drove slow and stopped a few times to cry and breakdown. And then at 2am only 10mins from our house I ran out of petrol on the motorway. I was so stressed with trying to make it back and focus on driving and staying calm that I forgot to get petrol. It was freezing, we had no blankets or extra clothes and it was now christmas eve. We shivered for 4hours until the RAC came. I kept on crying and was terrified that our car was going to get hit by a lorry because it was really misty. Eventually got home at 6am. Lots of other things happened over that time. I got strange conspiracy theories about my family which didn’t make sense to my partner/ex (the person I spent most time around). I even called my brother up at 2am demanding him to tell me why I’m so mentally ill and if my grandparents killed themselves, he was like wtf I don’t know and I don’t think so. Anyway, it’s almost a year since then but at least every other day I have horrible flash backs and get upset thinking about everything that happened. I was just wondering if that sounds like PTSD? or just bad memories with depression. Thank you for reading. Sorry it was really long and written badly, it upsets me to think about.",3.9953240424076633,5.7041560477941164,4.853144664842682,82.80105506155951,72.16176470588233,8.07517099863201,26.437927496580034,8.70740988407696,1.932094271545828,2206,75,425,41,43,715,240,544,0.21899999999999997,0.731,0.05,-0.9985,1,0,0,0,0,0,51.0,7,2,1,2,30,27,1,8,13,0,40,4,3,4,1,90,83,48,1,10,15,6,7,5,2,1,1,2,2,3,29,37,0,8,11,1,1,18,9,18,0,1,50,9,64,9,64,28,11,75,0,4,0,0,27,23,0,9,37,286,93,1,0.0,0.0,0.06283879220970412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06448081436740445,0.0,0.0,0.05149547924104007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06752222627596208,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1146477801942577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1485439394745792,0.21506361697511447,0.07850739118056695,0.0,0.054794147567141946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06575298937193927,0.07364903877480841,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28293305719688483,0.124585490807542,0.0,0.1663861479972343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0425313164179278,0.0,0.05425432267591738,0.0,0.05787274878457605,0.0,0.12140897031409527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18548364878851514,0.0,0.05885451590670983,0.05477310006868441,0.0,0.07060417724412328,0.0,0.0,0.20185775661461294,0.0,0.036596324607172416,0.0,0.15450415489890815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17082894635245474,0.0,0.11536790170733267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12918391321728173,0.0,0.0,0.07430148302258041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07124189549731456,0.0670559478783855,0.03538899769093623,0.052489317938444746,0.07263870177907912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1572971200826622,0.0,0.0,0.05698624390228111,0.0,0.07203988403721395,0.0,0.05474507281958,0.0,0.0,0.08596635686316986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12978705678223373,0.0,0.06501910443067314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14200995182020987,0.0477469833823846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12618396630043102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04897417798156847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0562259428709784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13102273106341658,0.0,0.0,0.15054517124286712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0644109515069318,0.0,0.3712692731100984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051208316206982234,0.06446915277145364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10653397977396804,0.0,0.12888005987703732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07208328005043729,0.0,0.13726986113926154,0.0,0.1076717416801228,0.22128769839400853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07307300987150893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05628277972514949,0.0592849069255547,0.0,0.0,0.08556039436471008,0.16504308469899448,0.0,0.0,0.22529029606338696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04371897705122325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07745748285665059,0.0,0.0,0.10626280508333456,0.03798096983915617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05810514117597546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06983203178248122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08293463865787998 ptsd,throwaway4toughstuff,2019/09/01,"Life is a bitch By the title it looks like I’ve given up and after a lifelong battle I’ve decided that it isn’t worth it. I’ve had happy moments in life, even made efforts to study hard work hard make friends live abroad make myself uncomfortable - all of it. We’ve all had childhoods we could probably write books about, so I won’t talk about that but what I will say is this: if you’re a parent or even an older sibling, use your empathy and show the younger ones that that their emotions are validated. I grew up following orders, whether it be my father, several older sisters, my “friend” etc.. I learned at an early age to keep to myself to avoid danger or any signs of it but as it turns out, I did so so much it gave me no sense of self. Later on in life, I was raped. After that, my best lifelong “friend” showed me her true colours. After that, I was forced out of university and into intense therapy. Working on myself, why I am the way I am so on and so forth I’m sure you here at r/ptsd now what I’m talking about. Now, here I am like a sac of flesh going to one therapy session after the next. It does not get better. It does not. Because life keeps fucking you over no matter how hard you try to avoid it. C’est la vie or whatever but I think I had the right idea back when I was 16 struggling to take my own life. Would’ve saved me, my family and friends all the heartbreak of seeing life roll out the way it did for me. Truth is I’ve just seen enough of this place. Its like Im constantly being tasked by life to fight the next battle, only to have life chew it up and spit more back at me. There is no mercy in a place like this.",2.656198568872988,3.773093081395352,3.874069767441864,90.85286225402506,74.5813953488372,6.803935599284436,23.114490161001786,7.1686216300943375,0.6221846153846156,1276,34,287,13,26,417,185,344,0.14800000000000002,0.7040000000000001,0.14800000000000002,0.0352,2,2,0,0,1,0,36.0,1,4,1,5,20,26,7,3,15,0,23,13,2,5,6,46,43,22,0,2,11,3,3,4,4,2,8,1,0,1,25,11,1,4,4,3,1,3,7,11,0,2,12,8,33,15,44,26,9,45,0,1,4,2,21,20,2,4,23,187,58,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062047041649109964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14031746837454187,0.0,0.05561969618945067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09575185109057777,0.08069529261733581,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09859915926187153,0.0,0.07284855273495285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15969131250162108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10263389865501336,0.0,0.09427639318818894,0.10175788736302484,0.12052770380621665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08601394011441214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28197043040732456,0.08435087893677101,0.047669681913838934,0.0,0.051854390413250455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09712779256118052,0.2452021731896981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1030000376590996,0.09855598923230277,0.0,0.0,0.16219847204641996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5155700059962578,0.1783030697907347,0.0,0.08056751728349093,0.0,0.07661950094684747,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08633448604031972,0.12180821650909622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06707266884763279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19407177999916425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12365459136231673,0.06939292872942084,0.0,0.0,0.1013123865135954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19065495166250554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09837328209095884,0.0,0.10665590285707703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07791935673598384,0.0,0.07255854377468324,0.0,0.0,0.07270730249579135,0.0,0.09518431233506026,0.10307641387412844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09538495426361894,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599360825181307,0.0,0.0686019132509975,0.14667219698651876,0.0,0.0,0.20868418098915476,0.0,0.0,0.05846357961389052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061946682592212025,0.0992440600498092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07880297071657234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14484579447656593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233085447508451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13284913971086554,0.0,0.0,0.06481502289572652,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SlightlyPossessed,2018/12/20,"BDSM-induced PTSD. Basically, after intense anger-fueled play (so stupid, I know), I realized that I have PTSD from that. I love the partner I’m with who was part of that scene. I want to be with him still. We’re entering couples therapy and I want to make things better. We’ve stopped all play. But what can I do in the meantime? I’m on depression medication and have totally halted BDSM while I heal. But I almost feel like I want to rush things along. I want to be normal around my partner and in our love again.",1.634536628420122,3.987934077669905,3.069585172109445,89.73285083848194,82.00970873786406,6.463901147396292,22.955869373345102,7.686295010490155,1.1017650485436894,402,14,84,7,11,131,67,103,0.085,0.68,0.235,0.8962,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,1,0,0,1,4,8,1,0,2,0,7,4,0,1,2,23,18,7,0,5,2,0,1,1,2,0,2,0,0,2,7,7,0,2,3,2,0,2,0,2,0,0,1,1,14,6,14,15,3,11,0,1,0,2,7,4,0,1,6,56,21,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18875467283003355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16780421008606286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16671218238365454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20857072720349498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16235404405057452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09531083539476227,0.13466383238644944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10359420467109036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09209116457225833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34025568970510306,0.0,0.12582464817860756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18989306527605948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.184689147532494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041262133167852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4406908446003331,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15053566687812678,0.1575937321299184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2155652090303812,0.0,0.2504609224303378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4447267365395635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,travelingdork74,2018/12/20,"ADVICE- (Trigger?) on Relationships and oneself. Tell me about YOUR story I (F22) have struggled with PTSD for 11 years. I've seen some progress within myself for 9 years I was angry at everyone and everything it was the only form of emotion I allowed myself to feel that's what motivated me to keep living. 2 years ago I went to a therapist after moving back home, I live in a small town and it was very easy for me to run into my abuser, it trigger my PTSD and depression I would say I hit an all time low. After therapy I felt a sense of calm, I understood my anger and worked on myself fast forward to 2018 and here I am hitting another all time low. I recently got into a serious relationship, past relationships I never took serious it was one of my toxic traits. I really like this guy and he also has depression and anxiety he kind of understands what I go through. Well we went to we wedding out of state about 2 months ago and I just recently got onto some antidepressant the same month and I was use to my drinking habits ( I was a heavy drinker) I ended up getting drunk and blacking out. When I came to I was in the shower of my Airbnb crying my heart out (small note: met his sister for the first time on this trip, shared the airbnb with her she has her issues being raped and all) And my BF (M24) was also drunk and was freaking out. I don't remember the rest just lots of crying and being scared. Well the next day I feel like shit and him and his sister got into a argument about what had happen so me feeling shitty intensified. I still think about this everyday this happened in November and it makes me want to break up with him because it makes me realize I have a lot to still work on. I may not be angry, but there are a lot of emotions that I haven't let myself feel. I just don't want him to feel this burden and I feel like I hold him back he is an amazing guy but I just don't know. This is also the first time anyone has every seen me freak out like that not even my family and close friends have seen my episodes before. I guess what I'm trying to get from this is advice on working on myself and relationships. Am I toxic to him? DO you guys have any similar experiences? 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I recently opened up to my family/close friends about what happened to me in the past. I admitted myself into the hospital for three days, opened up a lot about my stress, started going to therapy. I thought all of these things would help me. Now more than ever I don’t know how to live, I feel like I’ll never be “normal” or happy again, I feel so stuck. I hate that everyone knows my biggest secret. My point is that this is weighing on me more than ever and I’m contemplating medication for it. Throughout my hospital stay I refused medication because I didn’t want to lose my personality or appetite when I do have one. But if this is what everyday will continue to be like idk if I can keep doing this...does anyone have advice on medication that does not have to be taken daily? 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I’ll take my Lorazepam beforehand (prescribed) and print out my summary of psychiatric treatment (to warn them/hopefully convince them to take my panic seriously.) My husband is coming too for support. I keep getting waves of terror, and then I’m fine, and then I’m terrified again. I’m hoping they will just do a very basic check up, but I’m afraid of surprise blood draws/pelvic/vaccines/etc. I also sometimes panic and faint when with the blood pressure cuff, which is normally at the beginning of the appointment and just tends to set the tone. Does anyone have any advice or words of encouragement? 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Like i used to have sleeping problems, but since ive been diagnosed with ptsd i get a minimum of 16 hours sleep a day when i dont want to... and it's hurting my sanity. 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Does anyone else feel like theyre stuck in the movie groundhog day? Im 100% disabled from the military for ptsd and cant work. Every day i do the same thing and im getting sick of it. I see my shrink once a week and she says get out and do things like volunteer. I cant volunteer because the va wont allow me to so im stuck in a lul. I dont know maybe ill take up bowling. ,-0.7844827586206904,1.1412919885057489,1.637482758620692,98.8182931034483,88.88505747126436,4.859310344827586,19.044827586206893,6.2581,-0.2303600000000005,301,9,75,3,10,102,59,87,0.109,0.802,0.08900000000000001,-0.1615,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,1,2,0,0,6,0,6,2,0,1,0,9,14,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,1,0,0,3,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,0,0,0,2,3,7,2,8,11,1,8,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,6,36,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253865582459333,0.18373723443562914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10931341597145944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3469448003775821,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15692644931984515,0.0,0.2101647967090348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14980105422588869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15108705699522426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09067091403020806,0.12810812872133426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873773546164384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5810976642554616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09855103238635966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1752159663964469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801536928989348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1909727574650569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2096185681258462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14260455955941884,0.0,0.0,0.14289692584463706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13482830711805674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23826798570748595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14384180396990515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13054901649587572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shecouldvebeenafool,2018/12/20,"Diagnosed with PTSD two weeks ago Hi, this is my first time posting here. I have suffered with mental illness since I was a child. 3 years ago I was dignosed with BPD. On Tuesday I finished one year of DBT group therapy. It helped so much in certain areas. However, there are still certain things I struggle with. I went to see another therapist 2 weeks ago and had an assessment. Turns out I have PTSD. I am going to be doing Prolonged Exposure Therapy. I’m very scared to face a lot of memories. Has anyone tried this therapy? If so, what was it like? Did you find it helpful? i want to be able to live fully. 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You exhaust me, drain me, and leave me feeling like I might never get off this roller-coaster. I'm tired of reminding myself, 'it'll be okay, this shall pass.' It's getting harder and harder to be present and in the moment when all my energy is going towards just functioning. Fuck your reminders of what happened and fuck your constant need to take over what little happiness I have. I hate you PTSD. You have left me in such a dark place. I want off this ride. I don't know what's worse, you or what happened. Because to me, it's all the same and just as bad. PTSD, thanks for replaying everything that happened on a daily basis. Thank you for leaving me with a paralyzing fear of any possible triggers. I really enjoy how sometimes i'm unable to leave my bed- said no-one ever. So please, please, pack your bags and fuck off. Ive never met anyone that has also encountered severe childhood/sexual trauma If anyone on here has been able to move forward, please let me know how. I'm running on E. Any other day, I would have probably made a throwaway for this post but tonight feels different. I'm tired of pretending I can hold it together. I can't. I'm tired of the shame. I'm hurting, struggling, but still fighting. 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Hey folks, Apologies if this has been asked too recently . I’ve been diagnosed with an eating disorder, anxiety and depression in the past. Only recently have I been diagnosed with ptsd, and I definitely believe they are all intertwined. Zoloft, Prozac and Effexor did not do much for any of my diagnoses. Wellbutrin seemed to help the most overall but I developed a severe allergy about a month into taking it. I’m currently on Cymbalta (have been on it about 4 months) but the side effects have been pretty rough. My current provider (I’m in the US) cannot prescribe anything possibly habit-forming, and I don’t have insurance, so that knocks off any newer, more expensive meds. Has anyone been on a medication that worked for their ptsd? Specifically one that didn’t make you gain weight? (I know weight gain varies wildly from person to person) I’m running out of ideas on what to try next... thanks!",5.420840336134454,7.703115588235295,5.596302521008408,76.56764705882357,69.58823529411765,9.798319327731091,30.966386554621852,10.125756701596842,3.5248739495798334,750,32,128,21,14,237,111,170,0.051,0.8240000000000001,0.125,0.9426,2,0,1,0,0,0,28.0,1,2,2,5,4,2,0,0,8,0,19,10,0,2,1,19,28,8,0,1,4,0,3,0,0,0,7,0,0,2,8,8,3,0,4,0,1,1,4,1,0,1,8,3,12,1,22,20,4,20,0,1,0,0,11,10,0,3,9,84,20,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17521947344804484,0.0,0.09855563114541938,0.0,0.0,0.09008187633252078,0.0,0.10601722500730243,0.0,0.12043992254545258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451488158160926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11096225412760026,0.3922833291833699,0.0,0.0,0.14765189005633952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13182663519924234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635293915244402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1454349142527983,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07080234146356937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599592740887528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14310258838554538,0.259568065451666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20566391102783224,0.0,0.09470586675751592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1370136037060606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08729945784711354,0.09798204805435104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12298410242183865,0.0,0.2249811334601175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1452379913655345,0.0,0.13106780001595492,0.0,0.0,0.3011939109753017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2544108342292972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11728322368947824,0.0,0.14554275662388982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09686514294546274,0.0,0.0,0.1186105992726127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08746803084540178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15496825307176595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3137637571191865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18758151629375489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,happydancer21,2018/12/20,"Hallucinations? I have been going to therapy once a week for a little over two years now to deal with some trauma I experienced. While I have been managing my ptsd much better now than in the past, I am still getting hallucinations along with flashbacks, panic attacks, and dissociation. Before when I had hallucinations, I could see my abuser and he was talking to me. I could very vividly see him, hear him, and smell his cologne even though this was totally impossible. For the longest time I was convinced that he really was there. Someone else like my roommate or boyfriend would have to tell me otherwise because I could not separate what was in my head and what was reality. Now after two years of therapy, I know my hallucinations are not real, yet I cannot stop them. Tonight I was in the shower and I turned around and he “was there”. I could see him, hear his voice, and smell his cologne like always. I kept telling myself he’s not there, and I knew that it’s impossible and it’s not real, but I couldn’t make it stop. It usually lasts anywhere between 15 minutes and several hours. Has anyone else experienced this? 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The thing is, I’ve always had a really bad startle reflex. I once punched a coworker (a nice older lady) as she attempted to hug me from the side while I was working at my desk. I mean like dead on straight in the rib cage, really hard kind of punch. She was ok but it was so awkward and humiliating, it became an office joke. At work, my desk faces a corner so almost everyone approaches me from the side or from behind so I’m constantly jumping out of my skin whenever someone comes to talk to me. Especially if they’re quiet and get pretty close. Now some coworkers make a joke about it “oh you’re so jumpy!” Or “omg you’re so dramatic, it’s just me!” Or going out of their way to not make their presence known then saying “don’t wanna scare you” then eye roll at me. It’s infuriating. On one hand, some of them don’t know why I’m like this and I don’t want to share that info, so I try and make light of the situation, and laugh it off. Only one person knows and she’s gotten better about commenting on it. What do you do to help with this? TL,DR: how do you deal with people that assume you’re being dramatic about being easily startled or make jokes about it? Assuming they’re somewhat acquaintances/coworkers who don’t need to know all about why this happens.",1.6503525108081192,4.000931587628866,3.6015519343753475,85.96070502161623,81.92096219931271,6.9163507371688295,21.07094557144441,8.049812674583475,1.15476313047334,1136,34,230,23,31,383,160,291,0.1,0.736,0.16399999999999998,0.9648,0,0,0,0,0,0,33.0,0,3,3,5,17,19,0,5,11,1,16,6,5,5,1,49,36,26,1,4,9,0,3,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,19,16,0,0,10,3,0,5,5,6,0,2,7,7,26,13,39,27,5,30,0,0,1,1,19,17,0,12,9,147,45,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13876045212252447,0.0,0.0,0.11081646613577692,0.11530351232335988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11570234115117595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12255621254324715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11936803343998875,0.0,0.14974776256635575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14286227618607678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13241206723424245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15193771437672618,0.10706085472601347,0.0,0.07239846934077962,0.0,0.07875400765845386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2450786027237667,0.0,0.12413384010724332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928822994840679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443020491660045,0.22846764737386574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1353991553262687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3699931727813227,0.0,0.0,0.15094619622042735,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10274983445270408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.147575307107523,0.18780077361901507,0.10539071421043794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09606879984107684,0.12099625803944768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14097816210179673,0.0,0.0,0.16198396555210867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17754632461479986,0.0,0.13682373483061885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11019850135307893,0.1387353567768394,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15576141958182538,0.0,0.0,0.11741212275059452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11137941486442482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09206148466256232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09408170603113003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173371565848944,0.1099924877777312,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500804538317749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3026475313708934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,absent-dream,2019/09/16,"Somatic Experiencing Therapy? Have any of you done SE therapy? If you did, what was it like? Did it help? I just started with a new trauma therapist and was told this is what he does. I googled it and it sounds weird, so I'm really nervous...",0.8212499999999991,3.2852086250000028,3.509166666666665,84.1525,87.75,8.200000000000001,24.66666666666667,8.841846274778883,2.3861416666666675,186,8,39,6,6,65,37,48,0.08900000000000001,0.79,0.122,0.3939,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,0,0,2,4,0,1,1,0,7,0,0,0,0,5,10,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,7,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,6,2,4,1,2,4,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,0,0,1,3,26,11,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19390058059562154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2495222768657604,0.2917906012748794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1911189973158101,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13930184193923215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27538374367543605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1826638429817746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20181898276262292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6521500909544059,0.3310620093491551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2724573106274449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,throwaway1247242,2019/09/16,"Is it possible to be traumatized by another person’s trauma? I have first hand trauma of my own, from being raised in a violent and emotionally toxic household. But the majority of my “trauma” seems to come from what other people tell me that they have gone through. For example, my friend shared with me about a horrible traumatic experience she had (I won’t go into details, since it is very sensitive, but it happened to her more than once). I can’t get that out of my head. I just can’t. I can’t stop thinking about what she had to go through and the pain she has to live with everyday. It’s to the point that even thinking about it or coming across a word or phrase that reminds me of it sends me into a deep depression. Is it possible to be traumatized by another person’s traumatic experiences?",6.438974358974358,6.463937769230771,7.35717948717949,73.18782051282055,65.53846153846155,11.548717948717947,34.0,11.20814326018867,3.9021076923076934,636,26,120,18,9,214,89,156,0.214,0.7509999999999999,0.035,-0.9834,0,0,0,0,0,0,15.0,0,0,1,1,5,8,1,0,7,0,15,3,2,0,0,19,25,6,0,0,5,0,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,2,14,9,0,1,3,0,0,6,4,6,0,1,3,1,18,2,29,18,3,16,0,1,0,0,11,7,0,3,3,94,32,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34851185037591664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2863015132683507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14313199152736078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18693196254846725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1097613971076402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32511503724015456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14135400673658005,0.0,0.0,0.12839151252027026,0.0,0.086823041032163,0.0,0.18888969616725845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14695386362543802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17055029234577848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1467414209225779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17697800880319756,0.0,0.0,0.17682896743397236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11520941570258132,0.290206772937391,0.0,0.0,0.15709535183516646,0.3746896296046282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15128551155891162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13746715884038385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13893528100204305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14525006644586153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2129649524777023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13711724593607014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Maydayparade123,2019/09/16,"Struggling TW *trigger warning sexual assault* I have PTSD from sexual assault, sexual abuse as a child, and being groomed as a teen. In my first week of university I was spiked and raped. I feel like this is affecting me the most. It’s September, it’s freshers week. I can’t sleep because every time I close my eyes I feel the panic that I felt when I couldn’t get them off me and when I was stumbling around trying to find my clothes. I’ve just had my period, and it reminded me (as it does every month) of how I bled for two weeks afterwards. My only support has gone, he is overwhelmed and needs space. He’s left. I’m lost. I’m struggling at work even though I love my job. I have no friends, in university they all called me a liar. Said it must have just been a drunk one night stand. I don’t know where to go from here.",1.107104575163401,3.306096900000004,2.600392156862746,93.24065359477129,82.94117647058823,6.130718954248366,21.20915032679739,7.3871296695380915,0.6175816993464056,643,20,143,10,18,209,109,170,0.19399999999999998,0.728,0.078,-0.9657,1,0,0,0,1,0,23.0,0,0,2,3,10,13,4,4,6,0,15,5,2,3,2,22,29,12,0,3,2,0,3,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,7,7,1,0,5,1,0,2,4,9,0,3,8,5,25,4,15,18,2,23,0,2,1,2,9,9,0,1,12,88,32,2,0.0,0.1872778725191201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14070887817952432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635325623489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139918899082467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1383213052759625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10439859909236604,0.0,0.2663484584588801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15984200539273807,0.11291967452267505,0.15176450922093573,0.0,0.14446599655048348,0.13444763521841707,0.0,0.0,0.1221184714815659,0.0,0.08258098103295641,0.0,0.08983039658061986,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15685235418751314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686685702160367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17173505382574006,0.0,0.0,0.07722121185495015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1725435740443445,0.0,0.14265731583269095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12616374815055353,0.0,0.0,0.1172011260367731,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14833067681008594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10710704428850992,0.12021343338483602,0.0,0.18545194722043054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18476626520841444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15035335774680728,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15817636080071393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3304818820948152,0.0,0.0,0.1793671229708871,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15529531895934173,0.0,0.09216734584859076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10731386522461614,0.0,0.15440381199170325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3803639124813285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11507117151040445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,indiefrecks,2019/09/16,"*NSFW* TW* flashbacks*assault* Hi everyone. I haven’t posted much. Or at all here. But Ive been having problems lately and could use some support. Possibly advice? Anything is helpful. I haven’t had flashbacks in over a year since I was hospitalized. This past weekend I was at a music festival for the first time in 2 years and I was triggered so badly. Where do I even start. To begin with, I am female. 22. Ive been sexually abused my whole life. From 6-9 years old. Then again in university (2017). In the hospital I was diagnosed with severe PTSD and Borderline personality disorder among other things but those are irrelevant atm. For coping I don’t have much. Just self harm, anything risky/impulsive like drugs and etc. Eating disorder. Anything to make me feel on edge/feel. So back to this past weekend. I was at a music festival (EDM). I used to attend these a lot. My newish boyfriend of 2 months and I went and it was so much fun other than a few things. - crowd - people touching me I used to never care about these things and love being in the crowd but lately I do care. Also these men kept grabbing my waist and belly to get by and touching my bare belly and my boyfriend didn’t notice till after. Maybe its a sexual abuse survivors thing. I don’t remember things like time or smell of the event but I remember the hands. So when a stranger has their hands on me I flip out/flipped out. I haven’t had flashbacks in over a year. Now I’m getting them again. Im on meds. In counselling. I don’t know what to do. Please if anybody recommends anything they think that can be helpful. Right now all I have is an amethyst I’m carrying in the palm of my hand. Im trying to avoid smoking and trying to avoid taking Clonazepam.",1.2770348454963845,3.918633159763317,2.5955463510848134,89.83193228139383,88.70414201183429,5.4896515450361605,21.41643655489809,7.0316486544052195,0.8034909138724524,1360,47,267,21,45,437,187,338,0.107,0.777,0.11599999999999999,0.6108,0,2,2,0,2,0,53.0,0,0,3,1,16,14,0,2,15,0,34,10,5,5,3,42,54,26,0,3,8,0,7,2,0,0,3,0,0,3,17,14,2,3,5,2,1,2,8,5,0,1,13,8,34,9,40,38,10,51,0,0,0,1,12,20,0,5,30,184,51,0,0.0,0.21983280421281007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065304616840138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074187542860399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3053647826290168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07133383382283534,0.07745845624317511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1891688844795295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07406870456297382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09415884504995588,0.0,0.0,0.21264321580154535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10758288808385896,0.0949261117699472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10346224616797303,0.06127322060437401,0.0,0.0,0.08864500245963852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09381384945222844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07890948426602848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969362177758948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436255755537125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20041343788718965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050983558589557186,0.0,0.20929552966523016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06552567110462476,0.09064474792691833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0788691064935553,0.08372787815007668,0.0,0.06192420070979768,0.0,0.09319918964450344,0.0,0.10304573335368802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0740475374182375,0.0,0.20458823847334354,0.0,0.07154937154052812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10561841617752947,0.0973457317920065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1771175094437848,0.06431452341229282,0.08100253863222047,0.0,0.1018327882341992,0.0,0.10458340062135332,0.08884730627602806,0.0,0.0,0.0887676520467154,0.10844229929124878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2101789721931907,0.0792244402550146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09677856930152463,0.1048028568862766,0.0,0.07673968964902192,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0656625589608692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10527345568347478,0.0,0.0,0.06975093744868455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3081588674208233,0.059442795272409886,0.0,0.0,0.10818900184098908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1259684745769119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24036856207398424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08599803245593357,0.0,0.10357356462903564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2389614447995923 ptsd,hashememen,2019/09/16,"Issues with Nightmares So, I have nightmares all the time anymore. The issue is, is that they cause one of two things. Either I can't sleep and end up sleep deprived OR my alarm can't wake me up from them so I end up missing classes. Has anyone else encountered this? Is there anyway to ensure I wake up on time? It really sucked today because I didn't get a chance to study for my exam, missed 10 points from an in class discussion and forgot to bring my lab so I have to turn it in late and lose MORE points.",1.2855844155844167,3.499008571428572,2.4051082251082256,94.82064935064938,82.33333333333333,4.961038961038962,18.11688311688312,6.1124844417494595,-0.2927142857142857,400,9,86,3,11,127,72,105,0.16899999999999998,0.807,0.024,-0.9281,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,2,1,5,6,1,1,4,0,9,4,4,1,1,9,16,7,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,5,4,0,1,0,0,0,1,3,6,0,2,2,0,12,0,16,14,3,16,0,4,0,0,3,9,1,1,6,60,17,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1866654807215476,0.13160908137522673,0.1928555100066487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11473828183220287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1933556696496976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15723518861599478,0.0,0.3334173520701809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09833813869912718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3929093822764347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2123224249672011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21057208483236664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12754398464573402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3558609400016754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12057972533444193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.376715527298863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504622169539822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2195073278669832,0.0,0.17841228862330594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2047313040578394,0.1838653802532877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DaniellePoteat,2019/09/16,"I have PTSD from a car accident It happened about 6 years ago. I had pretty serious injuries and had 18 surgeries as a result. I’ve been in therapy pretty much the entire time. Maybe 5 years. It has helped. I went through TF-CBT. But it’s hard to get past certain things. I just feel like having a fear of being in a car accident is hard because it is hard to get desensitized to being in a car. You see accidents all the time, as they happen or the aftermath. You have close calls all the time, whether it’s your fault or someone else’s. It kind of got kick started again in a different way when I got rear ended and it totaled my car. I didn’t previously have an intense fear of driving myself because I felt in control but I didn’t get behind the wheel of a car for at least a month and the first week driving again was constant fear. I still obsessively check my rear view. There just isn’t a moment of- “I am completely safe in this car” because that just doesn’t exist. Not in my mind anyway. Sometimes I just kind of have to make peace with the fact I am anxious and jumpy in a car. Otherwise I wouldn’t leave the house.",1.4273051948051965,3.651894766233767,2.926520562770566,91.22406655844158,81.85714285714286,5.927922077922077,23.04491341991342,7.1686216300943375,0.8187588744588751,885,31,188,12,24,289,130,231,0.13,0.79,0.08,-0.5941,1,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,3,1,2,11,11,0,4,19,0,21,0,0,3,5,29,34,12,0,1,10,0,5,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,10,6,0,2,2,0,1,10,6,6,0,1,10,7,21,5,27,21,5,40,0,0,2,0,6,10,0,2,20,124,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1049502219350182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13375290251767236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21651788773641165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12089476041325943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12413513911228245,0.12794317576067366,0.13279031032992766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236978092552129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890401696026467,0.0,0.1048630263182741,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3996826262785668,0.05986418230090529,0.08458157121308768,0.11367798126014103,0.0,0.0,0.10070691649376164,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18556985284304134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18938295143457975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2093930099928723,0.0,0.3181765947718407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0793578225429564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13661219169144204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2465808119288655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12536344660006368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05784192575190985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07902973093576901,0.0,0.11894391524816955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11954542489265828,0.0,0.09450193771647176,0.0,0.08703411188647547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11302163738014255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2409010119829248,0.0,0.0,0.1383976803383681,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09434566432353704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031588853193428,0.0,0.11709590324475327,0.0,0.08380074845940658,0.0,0.09455057829947172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13539525613933145,0.0,0.07865652555410609,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20711162052229715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0939766174460478,0.09496950667638178,0.0,0.0,0.10975355819041896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15248528418669113 ptsd,fallenpebble,2019/09/16,"What does letting go mean? Does it mean for me to express my feelings of anger and hurt even though it's been 1 year ? Or does that mean I'm digging deeper into worsening my mental health by remembering details and reliving moments? Or does it mean that I should let go and dont ""let"" them consume me which leads to a vicious circle of them actually hurting me again?",3.671666666666667,5.579651722222224,4.659444444444446,83.03000000000002,73.44444444444444,7.022222222222222,30.055555555555557,7.793537801064563,2.0502888888888893,292,13,55,4,6,95,51,72,0.21,0.79,0.0,-0.9456,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,2,1,3,4,2,0,1,0,6,1,0,1,0,14,14,6,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,6,0,0,3,1,4,0,0,1,1,8,0,7,9,0,7,0,2,0,0,3,1,0,2,3,37,15,1,0.0,0.0,0.1323673623323549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.47480612166629,0.0,0.15897181843580685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0895904897722475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06858484536101776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15417734138314607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441814700916815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29041587204976393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4161104642419334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5910171156265212,0.0,0.0,0.13669558060419587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1536563352871267,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13326791552629352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08734922313986829 ptsd,wasteoid_humanoid,2019/09/16,"It's 4am and I can't stop retriggering myself. On an alt account, and mobile, all the apologies. Tw: statutory rape, self harm I've been up all night looking up my ex and his wife again. For the first time I found their Reddit handles, I read everything they've posted tonight. One small mention of me, saying he started dating her two weeks before he broke up with me. The ten year anniversary of our breakup is coming up. This is harder than I thought. I have witnessed so much other hardy, deadly, tragic shit in those ten years--but this motherfucker is what keeps me up at night. I was underage when we met, jesus fuck I was 14. He was 19, nearly 20. I just needed love so badly, I was willing to go along with his gross bullshit. I was not the only underage girl he dated. He cheated on me a few times before leaving me for her. I was miserable, I was obsessed with the pain. I made plans to move out of my hometown the moment I graduated. For eight months I pined, but I held on so I could get out. Two weeks before I moved out on my own, barely 17, she messaged me. She told me all of the terrible shit he had done and that she believed in complete honesty. The night I left she tried to start a group sex situation with my friends and me. Cue a solid year of manipulation and weird moments where they tried to get me alone and have sex with me. Or she would talk to me on the phone for hours. Or she would demonize me to everyone, including my nest friend. A few months after I turned 18 I met his double, a guy who could have followed him in a lineup. He got me pregnant, and although I had an abortion, the hormones made me lose my shit just enough to cut all of them out and take some space for myself. I voluntarily spent a year celibate from 18-19. I've been healing ever since. I have a hard time on nights like tonight, based on his posts he seems to think he has messed up but moved on. But like, isn't he a statutory rapist? Doesn't anyone care about that? I know I didn't but I was the victim you know? I just can't forgive, or move on. She wants kids, he wants a vasectomy. The cracks in their compatibility will widen and their toxicity will leak out eventually, even if they are happy now (to my disappointment). It only feels like that makes me feel better for a second, like having a cigarette or self harming. I feel so weak and rotten that, of all the shit I've been through, this still has a place on my top shelf of trauma.",2.604474648158863,4.346099935222672,3.80685945633314,88.71852901484482,75.96356275303644,6.567110082899557,23.09793715056873,7.35660576581511,0.7686754964333917,1904,56,407,23,42,620,252,494,0.17800000000000002,0.7290000000000001,0.09300000000000001,-0.99,1,1,1,0,0,0,67.0,2,1,6,5,15,38,10,2,28,0,37,13,4,4,6,68,72,26,1,8,13,2,4,4,2,5,3,1,0,5,13,24,0,3,10,1,2,7,6,27,0,8,25,7,77,11,61,40,12,73,2,5,1,6,56,33,5,7,35,272,90,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08559755537328413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577888312344757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06900694472012467,0.0,0.0,0.21097999365962386,0.09311507222737543,0.0,0.07309471614778773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08426431010362884,0.0,0.0,0.07119322913423674,0.08665399780466113,0.0,0.0,0.13197409938617868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08457676158305216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0853966318978002,0.0,0.054587684187710574,0.07475910767845567,0.0,0.0789729240825991,0.07427795798005228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1253666953316495,0.05904316327050777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07029965071268979,0.0,0.09061836910627,0.1277060154576176,0.07640598791725707,0.08635948282313635,0.0,0.0469702980847589,0.0,0.06610050133753212,0.0,0.0,0.08183370386276788,0.0,0.08797946196176881,0.07403564143084129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08139082617477067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0734606126906277,0.0,0.0,0.09084145953489237,0.0,0.0,0.08751143233215111,0.08979640496808616,0.0,0.0,0.1615089536441318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06940281758011513,0.09246105622738507,0.0,0.0,0.07459230843559138,0.15640552369783722,0.055167635691105416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1319363842016127,0.3513634993726677,0.06075518821080578,0.0612818381679535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3102351261972219,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05600386938839528,0.1257138121350837,0.08794242861229709,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0863487145404265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1583063089580246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08266954741161621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06572435627016883,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07523889040019577,0.17243807082642448,0.0,0.33934457823660724,0.06836660292873027,0.0928988952485161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11699620147784373,0.0,0.06600214623339634,0.06909674477296206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06214039522795616,0.06642867420000413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05295697702127008,0.0,0.0656126306570873,0.14457670920902999,0.0,0.0,0.0789729240825991,0.0,0.11222402282737604,0.08989640118284145,0.16146857524255914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09749489841085113,0.0,0.13258916825478753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11742037353137265,0.0,0.0,0.15966622636808164 ptsd,get2writing,2019/09/16,"Is the 1yr anniversary of the Kavanaugh hearings triggering feelings? Within a month or so it'll be the 1yr anniversary of the Kavanaugh hearings. Especially given the new allegations that came out this weekend, I'm finding myself listening to the initial confirmation videos again. I remember when this came out last year, it pissed me off to no end. Is anyone else having a kind of hard(er) time as the 1 year approaches?",6.360399999999999,8.722732173333334,6.434333333333335,71.19550000000002,67.26666666666667,9.8,36.5,10.125756701596842,4.3389999999999995,343,18,53,9,6,109,54,75,0.092,0.9079999999999999,0.0,-0.7757,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,0,9,0,5,1,1,1,0,9,13,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,5,4,0,0,3,2,0,3,1,1,0,0,3,4,3,1,10,8,0,17,0,0,0,0,3,4,1,1,10,36,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14965762573465566,0.2193032383164557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4895960033094789,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17879803402867564,0.0,0.1895706921139243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10822207664665777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19562329830769906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1917325213123864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4824639933197783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2228835883369048,0.0,0.1744663657979285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17083998400584566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20671547645308327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24245892233416866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12480501032550692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2756618979574691 ptsd,tajsmum,2019/02/21,"Help with memory loss Hi first post here, phsyciatrist diagnosed me with PTSD following sexual assaults. I've never really done anything to deal with it because my brain kind of blocked it all out so I feel fine unless Im asked to think or talk about it. Anyway the problem I'm facing now is my memory is fucking terrible. I'm finding it hard to tell the difference between dreams and memories and it's just getting worse. Does anyone have any methods on improving memory loss due to ptsd? I'm not interested on dealing with it all either just want to move on. Thanks",3.315187656380313,5.919486623853214,4.837848206839034,78.02681401167641,77.25688073394495,8.734278565471227,27.34028356964136,9.339509955726095,2.9504238532110088,458,19,80,13,11,153,78,109,0.187,0.6970000000000001,0.11599999999999999,-0.8345,0,0,1,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,3,7,10,2,0,2,0,4,4,2,0,3,22,15,5,0,2,6,0,2,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,6,7,0,1,3,1,0,2,2,6,0,1,1,2,4,4,17,14,3,11,0,2,0,1,7,4,1,1,4,48,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1197663752026572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12314589911148295,0.0,0.14493022377371825,0.0,0.16464668759816545,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10735998406104677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1966060910800236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3631401400207312,0.0,0.17875620581884666,0.0,0.1840059724699514,0.0,0.0,0.154122171995192,0.1802300051167834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08905062382850824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16096879019026805,0.14980600073241696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16281838338959945,0.09201445964452444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15776726117376766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11804827747585313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1902378142638544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18339994202237256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18718571184474272,0.0,0.0,0.13583316764900955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16867249549101404,0.0,0.0,0.16852127562630775,0.41174536415120383,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11282579086309595,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14155709046877205,0.15393501792221495,0.16214592197947572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.112849393389702,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10387904260316956,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17947943183415796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,sheltieluvr8,2019/02/21,"Scary squirrels I posted yesterday & must be having a bug with the phone or app because it’s all gone. I don’t feel like writing it all again. I do want to repost and ask for some advice on how to deal with one of my triggers. I few years ago I was locked in a rundown camper for six days. I was used basically as a sex toy during that time for a few hours each evening. Not sure if the guy was going to kill me or let me starve to death. But anyway it had a small tub full of acorns bc it was squirrel infested. Even though I used to love animals, I’m now terrified of squirrels and mice because I remember the fear I felt listening to them run through the walls while ants and bugs crawled all over my skin in the bedsheets at night. Where I live we just had snow but next week is supposed to be warm spring weather and someone wants me to go on a hike. I don’t want to see any squirrels or bugs though. How the hell am I supposed to get through this fear, not be afraid of these animals and not be afraid to go camping or go outside? I used to love the outdoors and camping. I feel like I just can’t conquer or get control of anything. ",4.1154114365411445,4.287136970711302,4.645757322175736,90.13379637377965,70.50627615062761,7.712245467224548,29.74086471408647,7.3011,1.4501411994421205,892,33,203,8,15,284,139,239,0.10800000000000001,0.816,0.076,-0.8308,0,0,0,0,0,1,17.0,1,0,1,2,12,12,2,4,13,0,19,4,1,7,5,44,41,20,2,5,13,0,5,2,0,1,0,1,0,1,7,10,0,1,4,1,0,6,6,6,0,2,8,7,22,6,31,27,8,30,1,0,1,3,10,10,1,7,15,132,29,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289393669931572,0.1169651276982441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14296705373033847,0.0,0.08973007528807539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10858306322394924,0.0,0.12335482015813598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087018474799045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14799240362203578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08509640778930633,0.13603397468215064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17430258799431106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2969593810570981,0.13343510091311245,0.18852926836081224,0.12669205790535318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13787616728858915,0.0,0.2999594006180929,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065059070276264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12994351979169966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14598239373526534,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13492713901751394,0.0,0.12892756408030204,0.0,0.1165136838030804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2381788602734046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14032961900985014,0.12382551620290985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08941228701446105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12637099264151774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14947287915465918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051465396825058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11180024678333214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12436069049617827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25927911134197,0.0,0.07694072070719392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3418855907092293,0.0,0.0,0.2334814165794873,0.0,0.10584180072263237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497104821770893 ptsd,kcb3122,2019/02/21,"Does anyone else cringe when someone feels bad for you? I tell my friends what is going on it’s always the same thing, they’re searching for the right words to say/noticeably uneasy. I don’t need the right words I just want to be heard & really there aren’t right words for this. I just want to be normal. Like don’t feel bad I just want to feel better & you’re making me feel more like an alien. Don’t get me wrong I have amazing friends, I just don’t feel understood Background : Hi I’m 21 F who has been abused & recently got diagnosed with ptsd like last week, it’s something I’ve had for awhile & I’m honestly relieved to know I’m not crazy. ",2.1557055961070546,3.925292058394163,2.815784671532846,95.20912712895378,77.32116788321167,6.318491484184915,20.905717761557177,7.1686216300943375,0.29554549878345515,520,13,118,6,12,162,84,137,0.11,0.667,0.223,0.9104,1,0,1,0,1,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,6,12,0,0,4,0,12,1,0,1,0,23,31,1,0,5,5,0,5,3,2,0,1,1,0,0,6,1,0,0,7,0,0,1,6,3,0,0,5,6,11,9,11,24,2,9,0,0,0,0,7,4,0,0,7,53,17,0,0.0,0.1495031629612055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10499221644446163,0.5468657236892139,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0882282825820158,0.12928675024980632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21071075807660572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11159632637961862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807046888338933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11042133470182183,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10540754868956807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3190030549102465,0.09014331631712776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19497335693641996,0.0,0.06592406085564556,0.0,0.07171123976480992,0.0,0.1009180076191172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06934545820357213,0.10285388230044937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18493613684393584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08422640927599838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09356118162503996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236300196669402,0.0,0.14365724298551694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14749815707334418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08083440724077208,0.0,0.1245879409274994,0.0,0.0,0.32327216434422074,0.0,0.1003437334456094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10691225927674243,0.0971398509174683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11028724755351944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08382866340431505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232734404783867,0.0,0.10121432077967832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13795847969275524,0.0,0.0 ptsd,DirectMeIntoWords,2019/02/21,"People are pieces of shit. All of them. Yes including you reading this post and even me. I’m done giving people chances. It’s hopeless just like this world. I’ll never believe that shooting up a crowd is the right thing to do but I understand why people do it. Why is everyone so hellbent on making the world shittier with their hate and negativity? Why is it so hard for people to just be good? No one is going to listen to this or change just because I care about living in a safer and better world. I’m over it. I’m done trying. I’m ready to just sit here until I die of starvation. You’re all the same. You’ll all tear someone down the first chance you get. It what humans do and if it dos change it’s definitely not happening in my lifetime. I try to be positive and hopeful but literally 99% of the people I meet are complete pieces of shit who only care about themselves. I’m never leaving my apartment again. I refuse to interact with or take part in this society. There is no good in this world, and if there is it is not in my life. My childhood sucked balls but I still stayed strong and fought and got out of that situation. I went to college thinking I could make the world a better place as a teacher and what do I get? I get to see a student getting stabbed and bleed out in front of me, and I get to see him fucking shudder and he takes his last breath. THERES NO FUCKING GOOD LEFT ANYMORE AND I KNOW THAT NOW. I just wish someone would have told me sooner and maybe I wouldn’t have fought so hard. It would be better to just be fucking dead. And all of you pieces of shit who are about to comment that I should be in therapy and on medication, fuck off. I’m already doing that shit and have been for years. Obviously it’s pointless. Go fuck yourself and get Ebola.",1.6773615051515591,3.914836994475138,2.9593773331342383,91.27131028818876,80.9889502762431,5.681469314618488,22.767209198148432,6.885778809224403,0.6352685381514114,1400,47,295,16,37,452,176,362,0.19,0.648,0.162,-0.937,0,0,0,1,0,1,33.0,0,4,2,5,20,25,13,0,11,1,32,13,5,2,7,58,74,30,2,9,15,0,2,1,0,5,3,1,0,1,25,22,0,1,3,2,0,4,9,14,0,2,8,5,31,11,45,55,9,41,0,1,2,5,22,24,10,5,11,204,56,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09029216289995594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114503449906482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04987768387410678,0.0,0.0,0.0921849166508954,0.0,0.21709365050753812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16684513511582713,0.0,0.17311279324595247,0.0,0.08578838392117002,0.0,0.0,0.06532788441748699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08491789594818706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16746379572359113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05404239073908023,0.0,0.0,0.0781840388466301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06959740551681717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3782137230470252,0.2564904328256993,0.07849072801909704,0.09300219417621253,0.2058842115434974,0.06544020275797352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07235456479180173,0.0,0.14659215251064742,0.0807818838701301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0812673041394606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04496700789331375,0.06669551917423229,0.0,0.08663725326701828,0.08889940059671042,0.0,0.05779301114496671,0.0399738975493175,0.0,0.07224996598147157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092330978510773,0.0,0.08220078810374051,0.0,0.0,0.08242664724600211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12621171388705568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055444429222909805,0.062229008775509076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08860481215711923,0.0,0.28362395269596274,0.0,0.08548615022693347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07836246886524985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08184373544916372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06987519366724429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1304024328673685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3359547591209191,0.0,0.09197089913148322,0.0,0.0,0.13865434107238006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08721093181658793,0.0653428301537317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1230393107735508,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09357012283427528,0.0,0.05435863092752049,0.05242797321649854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0781840388466301,0.0,0.111102981967385,0.0,0.0,0.08517916428537126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0758494367838713,0.22149378442877354,0.0,0.09409079434980784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11624742469913768,0.0,0.0,0.052690423500086285 ptsd,throwthisoutplease99,2019/02/21,"NSFW *TW*r@pe, k!nk. Help. Please I'm a long term sexaual & emotional abuse victim from my early teens. I'm 20 now but the shit still gets me bad. Kink is how I've always expressed and helped myself handle my trauma and PTSD as well as my BPD. I tend to use sex with my fiance or ex s/os as a weird form of validation. My fiance had been avoiding sex and withholding it since before Valentine's day. Last night he wanted to sleep with me, I really didn't *want* to but I knew it was necessary because if not he would continue withholding for a longer period of time. I go between being very sex obsessed to sex repulsed. Last night, I was sex repulsed. I gave in after numerous attempts to turn me on. I really disassociated during vaginal intercourses, tried to just move my body and get it over with. Then he was going so deep i had a pain in my stomach. I tried to suffer through it. We switched positions a few times so he can ""hurry it up"" as he said, but I couldn't stop whining almost because it hurt. and he stopped, stood up and said he couldn't hurt me. I said it's fine I'll try to fight through it because I love being close to him. I cried out a few more times and he decided fuck it we're doing anal. I was anally raped. Many times. I tolerate it because he loves it, he prefers it to anything else and I just wanna make him happy. He was sorta slow at first and used a little lube but then he just thrust as deep as possible, mind you the entire time my stomach is still killing me and I've started to cry at this point. He grumbled ""take it all"" I tried to not squirm but fuck it hurt. It hurt so bad. He knows I hate anal. But, here's where it gets complicated .. I had casually brought up consensual non-consent (essentially, a rape fantasy) to him a few times and the sub reddits related. He has no idea anything about BDSM. Subspace. Aftercare. Ect. A rape scene in my mind I think wouls be nice because it either helps me cope with my trauma or it causes extreme emotional damage, thanks BPD for the self destructive tendencies...but that kind of stuff is previously talked about, planned, safe words, limits drawn, ect. So is he just oblivious to the need for that stuff ? Or l did he disregard my well being for his own pleasure? He didn't get off because I kept squirming away and ran into the bathroom and cried for a few minutes, disguising it as just cleaning up lube. He brought our cat in to check up on me. When I came back into the bedroom after I finished cleaning he passed out. I just sat there and cried. I changed into something that didn't show any skin because I felt gross me Isplit the entire night and I'm doing it so badly today and can't think of anything but the bad stuff about him. I know I love him and care but splitting is causing me to not want to be near him. We were cuddling a few minutes ago and he put his hand in my shirt, I pulled him away and he whined a little but then went back to bed. His touch made me feel gross, like I was used up and thrown away. I feel so on edge and jumpy today now. What do I do? I'm not leaving him, so please go somewhere else with that bs.. how do I talk to him about it? Is it wrong I don't want to do anal? How do I fix this mess? ",1.3899006487320236,3.5442407446808564,2.8556507734881817,92.08107675906186,81.52279635258358,5.752066415642156,22.282901601415414,6.951781913908793,0.5770385337748949,2502,82,541,30,67,815,301,658,0.226,0.667,0.107,-0.9985,0,1,1,0,2,0,88.0,3,1,0,4,32,48,11,2,22,0,40,27,12,10,1,108,93,55,1,11,24,1,6,1,0,1,1,3,4,1,32,35,0,13,11,3,1,12,12,33,2,1,30,9,74,15,79,55,11,84,0,8,0,14,54,34,3,6,39,328,106,0,0.0,0.07336450844104764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05488792026243895,0.0,0.06200345704873285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05152200259189685,0.06708977624126891,0.0,0.042107398285929125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15286347221703492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1745262876174286,0.09522458074203533,0.2068008580332452,0.26421896135923484,0.0,0.05268895265253723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06877863020954958,0.1559709407824786,0.0,0.0,0.07081943764442733,0.0631310794213728,0.1272168112681136,0.06550264406378364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2720627496981763,0.03993296923002079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10345163061991718,0.13930225627014484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06261674161570945,0.0,0.05945245141896865,0.0,0.0,0.05266871380041667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114487200703138,0.12940157849013975,0.0,0.10557087390335504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06591448258138508,0.0,0.061132708758608816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1245100512117697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26514451589879834,0.06989960349285436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06850477697705705,0.06447965375327662,0.06805869993592624,0.10094534947309307,0.0,0.06556383334824459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030250750784143077,0.12411925581653868,0.0,0.05479682849585464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1676543583735361,0.058589748888743014,0.04133176176273649,0.06277667667715846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504213194156638,0.0,0.0,0.06581065268732347,0.0,0.04591254099999068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1743218306229239,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06588673708244415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13593808219361248,0.058533962469144274,0.06980495750080268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07238060770964623,0.0622462219189749,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07933446269469999,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1766989346127263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459556561504738,0.0,0.06355949954826996,0.051220468475386687,0.0,0.061964239560407273,0.0,0.0,0.04766867316677437,0.0,0.0,0.0438269563852906,0.0,0.09889802054315196,0.10353498596631454,0.0,0.0,0.21264911579844356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046555774581042375,0.0995371326631524,0.0,0.05700717672782583,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935105902211949,0.0,0.0,0.21663462740823955,0.0,0.11738493363459962,0.0,0.0,0.16815716379539722,0.06735065932172334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16043575902501,0.0,0.05109009040519364,0.14608695347258416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11134617306707993,0.057400017259654997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04398585188664062,0.06769927704178137,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Odinsnoose,2019/02/21,"Afraid of reliving the past I'm doing edmr therapy. 18 years ago, age 10 is when my trauma occurred. I'm terrified... I feel like I have to break completely down to rebuild myself. My life from age 10 and on... The stories I tell myself to understand what happened are wrong. My whole ego has developed. My behavior. My judgement. It's wrong though. Why don't I want out? I feel it every day, already. Oh..but that pain. Im terrified of feeling that pain again...the emotional pain...the physical emotional part is too much. The anxiety. The doom. Nausea. The twisting stabbing pain in my chest. Eyes swollen in tears. The dark pain I just can't shake off. But it wouldn't last forever. It'd end, right? I need to be brave...",0.0013791208791218426,2.0978226214285733,1.765714285714289,91.99390109890112,104.92857142857143,5.868131868131869,21.813186813186807,7.1686216300943375,1.3368791208791209,557,23,112,13,26,181,94,140,0.231,0.71,0.059000000000000004,-0.9785,0,0,0,0,0,0,40.0,0,0,0,0,4,12,0,2,6,0,11,8,2,0,0,11,20,4,0,3,2,0,3,1,0,1,6,0,0,0,7,2,0,0,4,0,0,1,3,10,0,0,0,4,15,2,13,17,3,18,1,1,1,0,1,7,0,0,10,60,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11372366515842955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14157409420467962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09814350164791467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1345123691452614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08273812525202354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2886238551603624,0.11362918031657727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080920639135615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1946058073279716,0.09165227196152832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11344873843949232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13857804260649562,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10457560668986242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906168701847944,0.0626772928636761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09430983579689096,0.09512735068646228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6825619544809853,0.0,0.0,0.1389284033124658,0.12246982053106173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10956119482681596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121334028925999,0.0,0.1467137895407487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260468458466532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.133557139861348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07567031006684118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115764133140454,0.14323412644763148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2805356762273213,0.0,0.08261623977876073 ptsd,Onionknight007,2019/02/21,"D&D character with PTSD questions (sorry if this type of post is not allowed) So I myself am suffering from a PTSD from being bullied in my childhood and other things that I might discuss later. I mostly put my time and energy in writing and love D&D and role playing my characters. I try to make them all unique and memorable and always strive to make them feel real as possible. Now I had this interesting character who is suffering from PTSD as she has quite the typical scarring main character background, but instead of being cheery and only being there to make the character feel interesting I thought it would be something to make the background have some impact on her. She is based off of Guts, the main character from berserk, where she has a lot of trust issues, lack of parent figures, trouble with physical contact and the only outlet and place she feels in control is in battle. I’ve discussed some of the triggers she has with my girlfriend who does a lot of research into this kinda stuff and she says that my character seems to be pretty consistent with her traumas and her unhealthy way of dealing with them. The question I have is though, is how it would manifest over the years, as I had the idea that the character at the time of playing would be around 50 years old. She had no real healthy coping mechanism or any good outlet, hasn’t been very open towards others except her wife who she spent time with but she had died in a horrible fashion so that made her close up again. Would triggers, certain traumas and such that you had gained since childhood still remain really bad at your 50th without any good coping mechanism or outlet? She also has gone through some pretty scarring events between her childhood and the age she is now. Again, very sorry if these kind of questions are inappropriate on a sub like this. It didn’t seem a good question to ask on a D&D related sub since this really is about making a character with PTSD feel accurate or at least consistent. I would really appreciate any feedback and please be nice. I’m not as well read in these type of subjects as my girlfriend is.",9.426407728181212,8.319869407594936,8.559920053297802,70.7205196535643,59.9873417721519,11.455029980013325,39.523650899400394,10.426177893888326,4.156949367088608,1716,74,289,31,19,537,192,395,0.113,0.743,0.14300000000000002,0.9123,2,0,1,0,0,0,32.0,0,2,3,3,17,21,1,0,20,0,38,2,1,11,2,80,56,31,1,8,11,2,4,1,2,6,0,1,0,0,22,25,0,1,14,3,1,2,6,7,1,0,11,5,38,14,56,32,11,43,0,2,0,1,42,22,0,19,18,224,60,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06323068937065257,0.06579094989485305,0.2570105907242292,0.0,0.16130695187309446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07038732606570793,0.0739179514214561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06601851735484407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868153905663696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08151568555920424,0.0,0.0,0.0820601505262525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06919298158195587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15991672306875798,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19895558176037095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08925820192772843,0.0,0.08252649952497887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08233720460987064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.038628654341829834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13444165371588074,0.07136200028802077,0.0748160987456951,0.26389267986507503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0838787038437148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08296861563513061,0.0,0.0,0.12026962680124632,0.0,0.0,0.08779571016410849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08260928132053844,0.08679297294830858,0.0,0.08913734385918358,0.07572533349878016,0.16088126046145945,0.0,0.0,0.3697052673129825,0.07948522692049363,0.3542972370599937,0.08409860166196763,0.07908944487610738,0.17999349750740182,0.15195904848920785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06287808528049052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1439611625116899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13081181264429578,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060870446219080415,0.0,0.17702041254349538,0.0,0.0,0.06314384522077937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051399802590067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0525292976999222,0.0,0.07768395565007022,0.06277119807723702,0.13831564380561592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053682014387885765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13047884045175887,0.0,0.06276053613961655,0.0,0.0,0.0710916707883558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07621877666372706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2808383634152,0.0,0.0,0.10183446105040672 ptsd,Bandersnatchking,2019/02/21,"Is There More Than One Kind Of PTSD? Yes, obviously, in my opinion. There are so many that get overlooked. And as crazy as it might sound, I believe you can even get it from too many traumatizing books, especially when you're 13/14, going through puberty and especially malleable. Here are some types that I believe exist, and if you have any questions or you wish to disagree, please do (using cohesive arguments over shallow insults). Because after all I'm no expert. &#x200B; 1. Rape 2. War 3. Prison 4. Failed relationships 5. Books/visual novels ect 6. Dead pets/friends/relatives 7. Traitorous friends Now obviously some of these are (usually) not quites as severe as others, but I'd like to know your thoughts and opinions in the comments below. And if you have any overlooked or unusual causes of PTSD please feel free to speak up.",4.408432671081677,7.232649092715231,4.590304635761587,80.082233995585,74.62913907284769,7.47037527593819,30.596467991169977,8.447377352677275,2.6896698454746133,667,31,113,13,15,208,112,151,0.142,0.74,0.11800000000000001,0.0237,0,0,0,0,0,0,35.0,0,5,0,2,8,8,3,0,1,1,9,1,0,2,3,26,18,16,2,3,6,0,1,1,1,1,0,2,0,0,6,5,0,0,4,2,1,1,2,4,0,1,1,3,8,5,19,16,4,10,0,1,0,1,11,5,0,10,5,68,14,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16815499249011293,0.188580341619418,0.21107744396360464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09460614876768983,0.0,0.0,0.3497058909481241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15942922410767268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10250561094472248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07847185000497932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1199041810491969,0.0,0.1621671935599129,0.0,0.08820156365083327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16161293568270574,0.08529175992073684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07582101261799715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3146891281091615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16463861790879786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105164945762955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3407175947074662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3628320506562825,0.0,0.1738552360893269,0.16507023727365785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1666226131051121,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753275047062438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12320842862774023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13403966727099773,0.17092666255825348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17846794390846082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.188580341619418,0.0 ptsd,TaxFreePwnage,2019/02/21,"When I'm in a situation where other people pass away (hospitals, movie/tv, funerals), I go into full breakdown mode. I posted this over in r/depression but I recognize and understand that I have a problem so big, I need to reach out anywhere I can. Below is my post from [the depression subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/asz73k/i_go_into_a_full_breakdown_i_see_someone_pass_in/). &#x200B; I'm not looking for pity. I feel horrible enough on a regular basis, I don't need to confirm by other people how bad I feel. What I want is help. What I NEED help. I need ideas on how to cope with this in a reasonable way. Help me please. Therapy groups (I'm in the greater Cincinnati, OH area), you tube videos, yoga, I don't care what it is, I'll try any and all of it to make myself feel better and stop these fever dreams that turn into nightmares of my father dying over and over again in my arms, never being able to make good and say my peace. &#x200B; &#x200B; &#x200B; OG post: &#x200B; A few years back, my father was diagnosed with a rare 1 / 10 million chance of cancer on the muscle and ventricle sac (a nebulous bubble, like that which surrounds a child in the womb) with stage 4 heart cancer, right after he received a successful triple heart bypass surgery. Doctors said that if they had never done the bypass, that type of cancer was basically undetectable and he would have passed without any warning. &#x200B; As for me, I was so scared of the triple bypass that the fact that he had cancer didn't quite register at first, until the doctor sat us down and really told us what was what. After all, many of my relatives had had cancer, and they ended up OK. Once they said it was in late stage ""6-months to live"" territory, and no possible surgery for heart transplants was viable, that's when I buried my head in the sand and just pretended it didn't happen. I squandered my time ignoring the problem, never visiting my family and pretending life was normal. Denial was my drug of choice. &#x200B; Fast forward to 11 days after my 30th birthday, and I had made it just in time to the hospital (after lying on my couch in the basement trying to convince myself that my father would be fine that day, I didn't need to go visit), I got an urgent call from my younger brother... I needed to be there, right now. I made it just in time to the hospital to hold my father's hand while he passed away. &#x200B; To this day, anytime I see a movie or watch a show where someone passes away and someone else holds their hand or is comforting then when they pass, I break down near uncontrollably, flashing back with near perfect memory to that moment. The look on my mom's face, the shriek in her voice, seeing the shine disappear in my dad's eyes, and the coldness in his fingers even before he passed. It paralyzes me in a way that nothing else really does, and turns me into a giant ball of snot, fear, regret and a boat-load of anger at myself for not doing anything earlier, which only tends to feed back into itself like the monster that it is. I need help, i need help i need help i need help i need help i need help i need help i need help i need hlp.",7.116711716091395,7.0665950148760315,6.894499270782696,77.32570612542537,64.14049586776859,9.696159455517744,31.017258142926593,9.247498795725024,2.549267379679144,2524,80,465,39,34,797,291,605,0.135,0.701,0.16399999999999998,0.8567,0,0,1,0,0,0,126.0,2,1,5,5,19,22,1,3,33,1,33,23,11,7,7,81,76,32,2,23,10,7,7,2,0,2,11,4,1,1,35,26,1,4,6,7,0,13,12,11,0,2,24,19,66,11,82,47,8,100,0,3,7,1,43,49,0,3,34,307,101,4,0.041085729793333435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.35613096852512144,0.3993892700490019,0.05587941029834829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033810054888858965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580418680107302,0.09477717042097296,0.03430486822535346,0.0,0.0,0.0349609299471399,0.0,0.0,0.036336989205786464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041953123778969086,0.0,0.04188963974465445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949069033723646,0.0,0.07077415773497693,0.04170115089241554,0.042640500925293916,0.0,0.0,0.08410597078982786,0.0359543990139933,0.04204496623928345,0.0,0.0,0.04764640270435176,0.0,0.0686437104732647,0.0,0.03638976170620988,0.04245254178437359,0.0,0.02713673703975049,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03873196951284253,0.04623286853030864,0.062322538414688725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03494750077355463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04669993412513206,0.034460760851401095,0.032860011368573784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036331975168538415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04216581200129245,0.0,0.0,0.14606036287552893,0.3029278849350248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04638078796445498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04634649277530558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02902006600241355,0.040144824513298996,0.0,0.036279452132977216,0.0,0.0690033306418726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07775262188367771,0.054850087345940914,0.04165448135015645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04811911017017999,0.03279423754031225,0.0,0.0,0.4569682206954727,0.0950635430145539,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.040255291871052416,0.039422865824963634,0.0,0.0,0.04375496133673688,0.0,0.03124754890172085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056967343725741075,0.0,0.0,0.045099793499981215,0.0,0.04631798709764487,0.11804631599194748,0.0,0.0,0.07862698932642127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04369973097765435,0.0,0.0,0.05264114113169467,0.04224297304618095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0701739775097862,0.07816387514182634,0.03267302139210332,0.041133982986639867,0.0,0.06548001451583678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046182081712304236,0.0,0.0,0.06962361105131765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0343495098044251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046985112675533285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07187225833553842,0.0,0.0,0.03925917550779967,0.0,0.05578902718307795,0.08937895190167791,0.0,0.04277169368094404,0.09884214837779616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0242334279266612,0.06522387985328194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03960517737308671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05837224727601651,0.0,0.3993892700490019,0.02645786293834244 ptsd,mmtll,2018/11/21,"How do I talk about/seek help for past traumas? First off, this isn’t a request for a diagnosis. I have not been diagnosed by a professional, though some have wondered about this as a possible rx. Ive been in therapy since I was 9yo (20s now), after a traumatic divorce/other events. Since that age, Ive struggled with depression and anxiety, and since my teens with bouts of paranoia, substance abuse and self harm. I like to think that I have made progress, through help from the support systems Ive had the luck to have at my disposal, but recently many of those past traumas have been coming to the forefront of my mind - even when I try to distract myself/seek support. The traumas Im referring to are very difficult to talk about, even with people who are aware of them. Every attempt to talk to loved ones/professionals about them I fail at and end up being uselessly vague convos about how “I just feel sad, I cant explain it,” or dont delve as deep into the matter as I know is necessary to begin to heal. I know i NEED to talk about this to get help, but Im scared. For anyone whose had to flat out, fully address past traumatic experiences, how did you get the bravery to do it? Was it that things got so bad that you had no choice? Also, has anyone had things that have helped (therapies and the like)? Any suggestions/advice are greatly appreciated.",5.986924904942968,6.365750342205324,6.254845532319393,79.49542419201522,66.49049429657795,9.616825095057036,32.0268536121673,9.516144504307137,2.780612357414449,1072,41,208,20,16,344,150,263,0.214,0.672,0.114,-0.9848,0,0,0,0,2,0,38.0,0,2,2,4,16,20,0,3,12,0,30,4,0,4,0,32,46,18,0,1,5,0,1,2,0,0,3,0,1,1,16,11,0,0,7,0,0,1,5,13,0,1,12,1,22,7,43,33,1,22,0,4,0,1,18,8,0,4,14,143,38,2,0.0,0.12967663928088574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10695021072754206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08752461916766663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07442762194704408,0.0,0.08372655289160663,0.0,0.0,0.15305558689389032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09138356147953987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09427878393836732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09426642527891944,0.1110862651128974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1282709117896206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09693743769135184,0.0,0.0,0.14457724549971476,0.0,0.09221370497752183,0.0,0.0,0.10706003611775933,0.0,0.0,0.05533962394070685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09309544827623342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11436294042457194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0875346568712115,0.12066555610437202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2934397088533618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2364427928306877,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12029827049967926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10694042066848954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0987800696215543,0.10356127088765794,0.0,0.11096194372048628,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051013482717664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08115346431454462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3134382531949547,0.07587667621238472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12338489667824845,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10806557636908316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10957540598800017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11417695067279413,0.0,0.0,0.2716067355491648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11441762776566733,0.0,0.0,0.2483980129790433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3518769803463011,0.0,0.0,0.2503240592327601,0.0,0.14542326905151778,0.0701291324376297,0.10753099011547483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07430723770716359,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09030512662162574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11869045744495173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ProfoundSublimeThing,2018/11/21,"ptsd information to help gain insight?? Hey there everybody, ive been recently talkin to someone im interested in but he struggles with PTSD, I really like him and want to understand more about this but im afraid to talk to him about it, can anyone give me more insight about this? thank you so much",3.7784482758620714,5.877609603448278,4.599517241379309,82.74720689655173,73.65517241379311,8.777931034482759,27.11724137931035,9.3871,2.429002758620689,239,9,47,6,5,77,42,58,0.05,0.716,0.23399999999999999,0.8791,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,1,0,1,5,5,0,2,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,9,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,2,0,0,4,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,1,0,6,3,10,6,3,2,0,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,2,29,9,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16087168638743454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22070601930659525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15421240666309355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4970344642590229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11240155400435313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912938669068384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5378836938227853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14739000953422554,0.0,0.2271683362068565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19493925238034754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2405212002339186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18492315235925333,0.0,0.21181937927197564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2395130578061756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13570242196011367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,anogirl,2018/11/21,"I'm afraid to end up with someone like my dad... When I start to like someone, a lot of fears come up along with the joy & bliss of infatuation. I've learned to work through a lot of them... if I'm ever abused, I'll call the cops. If I like someone, I will research them and make sure their stories line up. I will look out for signs of narcissism, a lack of empathy. Etc. But I have a big nagging fear - that I'll end up with someone like my dad. Because girls often seek out men who are like their fathers, right? I can't seem to let that fear go. And when I notice parallels, I obsess over them. Even when they don't make sense... a guy I like enjoys playing baseball, so does my dad, therefore I get scared. That kind of thing. How do you guys work through this? I'm just frustrated today. I woke up in a great mood, and then today was faced with a waterfall of anxiety when I saw a social media post by my crush that reminded me of a similarity with my dad... The guy I like doesn't deserve to deal with this fear and paranoia, I know. But I don't know where to place these emotions. Would appreciate any perspective or advice!",2.0934051724137923,3.774042219827585,3.3788275862068997,91.49893103448278,77.23275862068967,6.536551724137932,24.1,7.365786028017652,0.8406406896551721,873,29,196,11,20,284,129,232,0.14,0.6920000000000001,0.16899999999999998,0.7993,0,0,0,0,1,0,41.0,0,1,6,2,11,23,2,7,12,0,12,1,1,4,2,36,27,16,0,4,6,5,0,7,0,3,0,0,0,5,9,14,0,0,4,1,0,2,4,9,0,0,3,2,28,13,34,20,4,27,0,0,2,0,21,13,0,7,18,120,37,4,0.0,0.12272040973329976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1012130924608356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11222435758374652,0.0,0.07043510929545425,0.0,0.07923521872091949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06313885845257079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1057624925846704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.089221397610503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10678212231373972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906398979760832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11650885645872112,0.1834748669914429,0.0,0.11551441821548945,0.06841085219445579,0.09369025892348873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46620637269980797,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0541140909613206,0.0,0.058864525352577274,0.0,0.0,0.11419270709005575,0.0,0.30766903759260616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10785827774504764,0.11384512374623228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10591329332011072,0.0,0.3542133964909144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08697760247577857,0.0,0.0,0.17611291633834064,0.0,0.0,0.1382753281199446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11792175744745652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10821468680175793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09919700445925332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08845318426248028,0.0,0.0,0.10369746466372334,0.0,0.0,0.09429153639753488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10558250477335812,0.35103782432641084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07331149842417613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09761898448245863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06881117239667972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963555329172537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15080886093263265,0.0,0.0,0.07357729071863582,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Says_Watt,2018/11/21,"I accepted PTSD as the cause for some of my problems, what a relief It's been a long time coming and I was only recently diagnosed, it makes a lot of sense for why I would often act out in public, push people away, and not be able to get close to anyone. Also other things like chronic dissociation, delusional fantasy, and anger issues. It has pointed me in the right direction to overcome it and accept that not everyone is out to hurt me amongst other triggers. Either way, it's a relieving thought and I wanted to share.",5.137256011315419,6.308376247524755,6.393578500707214,74.92267326732674,68.70297029702971,9.335785007072136,30.270155586987272,9.606745405546679,2.9529026874115982,415,16,73,9,7,140,74,101,0.092,0.768,0.14,0.4939,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,0,0,3,9,1,0,6,0,6,2,0,3,0,24,11,7,0,3,3,0,0,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,10,9,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,3,0,0,3,0,7,6,15,6,3,15,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,3,4,56,17,0,0.21771219510050024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1741043637646204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1522294288749418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20454777394413692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22365039595243266,0.0,0.1875397785238848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22097329522130346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2080333322696809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11374563620053345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330654076858062,0.0,0.0,0.2272349682808687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10636318145835699,0.0,0.0,0.19266844166070032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1850911228126728,0.0,0.0,0.14532458079248478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1655799348611722,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15093422356085573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20580839517033536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2083211680369902,0.2544939055173053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21496452766682533,0.0,0.0,0.1859250250566031,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463830848714512,0.0,0.0,0.1728391642216177,0.12694973175819674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12841229339874702,0.17280980680223187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1964513931124711,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15465649693136038,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,awin_xx,2018/11/21,"new-ish to therapy- was unable to discuss physical child abuse/neglect last session or ever... what are some tips for discussing trauma for first time? i’ve had 2 sessions with a therapist so far, i knew she was looking for the elephant in the room in the last session and she tried her damndest to pull it out of me but every round about i caught her & i would shut down. i don’t want to live with the haunting “day dreams” of my shitty mother & i know that working thru this b/s will set me free, how have some of you guys been able to discuss your trauma? i feel as though i am ready to work through it, i have the coping skills to manage, i just can’t speak about it, i freeze & avoid. ",3.5718881118881143,4.4160242657342685,4.097489510489513,91.15546503496506,72.07692307692308,6.838881118881121,25.48881118881119,6.742157984588678,0.7872187412587417,542,16,119,4,10,171,101,143,0.11199999999999999,0.7909999999999999,0.096,-0.5122,0,1,0,0,1,0,22.0,0,2,0,4,7,4,0,1,6,0,12,0,0,1,1,17,18,7,0,2,3,1,3,0,0,2,0,1,1,2,6,4,0,1,3,1,1,2,2,3,0,1,6,5,19,2,24,10,2,16,0,0,2,0,13,7,0,3,6,78,25,6,0.18817242031754194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6116542163893497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12135564398888607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17021272725159092,0.15854337992746906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0951456296611599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1600593645941757,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18632028054014504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10341464107258913,0.30677127519435393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.166159694618944,0.0,0.15801744063165746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18173809611925132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21519156202215264,0.2184826833766951,0.0,0.0,0.18487844755842284,0.0,0.10972485152967763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1277567214335367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11098896888258428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2739835262277601,0.0,0.0,0.13367228846308993,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jankerjunction,2018/11/21,Anyone else nervous about Thanksgiving? If anyone knows a funny ptsd meme I could really use the humor. Going into the holidays with major anxiety about being with my family. My ptsd is at an all time high and my family doesn’t understand. Deep. Breaths. ,3.291159420289855,6.415846521739134,5.099999999999998,72.15333333333334,83.78260869565217,9.153623188405795,20.71014492753623,9.2995712137729,2.9105623188405807,204,6,30,7,6,69,38,46,0.077,0.765,0.158,0.6204,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,1,4,0,4,1,1,1,1,10,8,2,0,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,0,2,1,0,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,4,1,6,6,2,6,0,0,0,0,0,4,0,1,1,21,4,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1789838922399963,0.0,0.0,0.3271899263165734,0.2397265426118922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18680337935308172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1954491636901725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4411259820989274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13296867267538176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471986740675337,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12858198468798412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.54698912562189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1498850650547698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13642786971892273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24356759568842576,0.0,0.20207211646985349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,iamconfuzion1,2019/10/17,I just kinda need some input on why I do something I jump a lot and get pretty scared at sudden noises or just anything that happens too suddenly and I don’t know why. I realise that it’s most likely connected to my ptsd but mine isn’t linked to anything physical or anything that would be triggered by this so do you think it’s just hyperarousal?,4.41,5.605222857142858,5.210000000000001,82.64500000000002,70.42857142857143,7.885714285714287,29.714285714285715,8.238735603445708,2.133800000000001,280,11,53,4,5,91,51,70,0.031,0.935,0.034,0.0387,0,0,1,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,0,0,5,2,0,1,1,0,6,0,0,1,0,18,11,6,0,2,6,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,2,0,0,3,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,0,0,8,1,5,9,3,5,0,0,0,0,1,2,0,6,3,39,14,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5964557897356576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12622754077866594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21364864202914652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13277863255987618,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11803497060066065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2054021414185572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17914548520812987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24579700189300024,0.0,0.0,0.2824208550732688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24188664573226298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1859977121216464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15480937953640414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4360180673905077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162776459109005,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,buckethatwitch,2019/10/17,"i need advice i had weekly counselling back when i was 10-11 but dropped it because it made me uncomfortable and also because i was still protecting my abusers in the assessment because of the mindset i had back then i feel like if i continued it or if i tried again back then maybe id feel better and have healthier coping mechanisms now im 16 and my current school still isnt informed with my involvements with social services and counselling they have an onsite counsellor that a few of my friends see frequently and I feel so envious of them i dont feel valid because I don't get professional help i dont feel valid because i put up a facade that people dont see past i dont feel like any of the problems i go through everyday are true or severe because theres nobody there to tell me that id really like counselling again to talk to someone but it might be a hassle",7.214539141414143,6.2390223352272765,7.52416666666667,75.94861111111112,64.2840909090909,10.776767676767678,37.169191919191924,9.994966539143718,3.5816207070707082,705,31,136,13,9,231,99,176,0.122,0.758,0.12,-0.0769,1,0,0,0,1,0,1.0,0,0,2,1,13,8,1,0,7,0,15,0,0,1,1,25,27,16,0,4,6,0,6,3,1,1,0,0,0,0,7,7,0,1,7,0,0,2,6,2,0,0,5,8,23,6,12,20,1,22,0,0,2,0,9,2,0,5,20,91,30,3,0.0,0.13239214928010007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10918981508696447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0893574394801395,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07598618293949211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2577606088412262,0.0,0.4086894360177311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09882384565331943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5238279399009423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3389908218392233,0.1596523732886812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08632908249528783,0.0,0.058378885991969325,0.0,0.06350370769391253,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0748961300097282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12069702645840487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16376973002692075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.105729908725485,0.0,0.0,0.1122565949370758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118537157778736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08285286865629111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10666728213911704,0.07746558130820216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1069188948673558,0.0,0.11232830805431186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07158270566600464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11308558231412982,0.17808263671057534,0.0,0.0,0.126232984413346,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11390358591288455,0.09467588183209306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1784694231240787,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08981137614410911,0.0976645941971525,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07586327777827254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08963008675223988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,JustLurkinAround2,2019/10/17,Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) Anyone have experience with this they could share?,10.2225,15.037076250000005,11.333333333333332,24.495000000000005,78.16666666666666,15.733333333333334,39.333333333333336,11.20814326018867,8.994033333333334,73,4,7,4,2,25,12,12,0.0,0.833,0.16699999999999998,0.29600000000000004,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,0,5,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3797079024404985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4335752028888946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5311997108300414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6210163600728817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,wave-on-wave,2019/10/17,"Anyone else like me out there.. do I even belong here. Hi all. So my PTSD comes from losing 4 pregnancies in 4 years, specifically the last loss. Sprinkled in between was an emotionally abusive relationship that ended in divorce. My last miscarriage had severe complications. It was an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured. I nearly died from blood loss that day. I saw the white lights and all that shit. I’ve never been in more pain (physically and emotionally) or more terrified. I don’t have any children although I desperately want, or did want them. I’m 33 and not sure I want to try anymore. Sucks because I had always dreamed of being a mom. I don’t find a lot of comfort or “connection” in the miscarriage sub. This shit has destroyed me. There are too many triggers to count. I go to therapy but I still feel so alone. Not looking for pity or for anyone to try to cheer me up or show me “the bright side” of things. I’ve heard it all and none of it helps. Just needed to vent. Thanks for reading.",2.1906676136363643,4.8490026406250015,3.3625946969696976,86.4986931818182,82.48958333333334,6.407575757575757,24.35227272727273,7.686295010490155,1.4329500000000008,785,30,152,14,22,253,122,192,0.17,0.725,0.105,-0.8497,0,1,0,0,1,0,26.0,0,0,1,3,9,15,4,0,8,0,13,4,3,1,5,28,26,13,1,4,9,1,1,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,9,6,0,0,2,3,0,2,6,9,0,0,8,7,17,6,24,17,7,18,0,4,4,0,8,9,3,6,8,101,26,1,0.0,0.17129217244375852,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1497312370198268,0.0,0.0,0.12029407597967605,0.0,0.0,0.09831276569033601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14337489647342286,0.2021738389357946,0.14812936315086234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0881287167592071,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12453451759478976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09323588744599168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15004115304741822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12076993990884713,0.3252442715131693,0.12804638048428088,0.0,0.0,0.09548732371888008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0730990906272009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1321346406840371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08216263659342775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0969024287826474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2356881900631135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07062974904322285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12140264618089082,0.16173719289893504,0.0,0.12290850438227725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14657159920141274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1693189952481729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10719705014613512,0.11150153255833802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1538329986788015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899495138507487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1446094289005114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15521440484885668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16332329561682904,0.29679868340724297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11545403321850466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1362558026011594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331009142444016,0.16532874447818852,0.0,0.09604608747513778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19630749602609354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.255813936715568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0930985372192151 ptsd,Nerdy_Gamer_Girl_,2019/10/17,"I need advice (Trigger warning) TW: CSA and death I haven’t been offically diagnosed with PTSD or even know where or who can give me an offical diagnosis, but I’ve read posts on here and can relate to some... Is it possible to have PTSD from being a CSA survivor and seeing my mom dead? I’m a CSA survivor, the abuser being my biological grandfather on my late mom’s side of the family. The abuse (molested) started in preschool and didn’t stop until December 2015 or 2016. In addition to being a CSA survivor, I lost my mom May 30th, 2019. She had multiple health issues before my brother and I were born and got worse over the last 10 years. For reference my brother was born in July 1998 and I was born in February 2000. Anyways, I had a dream I watched her die of a heart attack and sure enough 3 days later she died, most likely of a heart attack. My dad and I had gone to the store and when we got back she was face down on the floor, next to her bed. We had only been out for 40-50 minutes. I had my brother call 911 while I took our dogs in my room so the paramedics could do their thing. I knew she was gone soon as I saw her body. After I don’t know how much time passed she was declared dead. I still had to stay with the dogs because of the medical examiners and funeral home people, so after some more time passed we shut the door to my parents room so I could talk with our pastor and cry with my family. Soon as I saw the foot of the body bag I walked to my room with my back turned to it. I didn’t want to see her get rolled out... but just when I thought the funeral people had already taken her outside, I turned around. It was a mistake. I saw her face in the body bag as they rolled her out and no matter how much everything told me to look away, I couldn’t. Ever since then I’ve had countless dreams where I see her die, see my friends go missing and/or end up dead, and see my dad die. I also experience flashbacks that replay the scene of the night she died. I also have flashbacks to when I was molested even though it’s been almost 3 years since it stopped. I don’t know what’s wrong with me because when the flashbacks start, they don’t stop.",2.763096836049858,4.112827744966445,3.857076382230748,90.15656375838928,74.68232662192393,7.077251518056888,23.73339725151805,7.6583078777640585,0.8985260338766383,1690,49,374,22,35,548,211,447,0.217,0.731,0.052000000000000005,-0.9982,1,0,0,0,2,0,47.0,5,0,3,1,26,11,4,0,25,0,38,11,8,3,2,61,71,37,11,6,6,9,0,1,1,1,3,0,6,0,9,28,0,3,7,3,1,7,8,8,0,0,34,10,67,3,50,30,7,68,1,2,10,0,37,25,0,8,35,243,76,2,0.0,0.18052978666535807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07444555485678833,0.0,0.0,0.07628668896839264,0.0,0.08407029674939451,0.12184770452047484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0678193942989126,0.0,0.17333927350700867,0.07157682949739712,0.1171606926288588,0.0,0.09288140963274437,0.0,0.06482647798033736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2538678109356436,0.0,0.0,0.0777917881182162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12165252116229805,0.0,0.0836839079383824,0.04913200244368063,0.0,0.0,0.07732456614195576,0.3953318030274905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06747589636557498,0.07871783643498839,0.0,0.10063685884931707,0.06891226362769409,0.0,0.0,0.06846874422396644,0.07452200175723357,0.1436378936461782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058859120161715635,0.0,0.03980269181820597,0.07308207694562517,0.04329679238829493,0.0,0.12186167854455207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097941138166623,0.0,0.1805554354926452,0.0,0.0,0.07641818038443061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07951569585366483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256052433380715,0.06209965415321087,0.08593821439838452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03721937011216126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06397488426636147,0.0,0.08316320073938194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07674677924934767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676752970184472,0.0,0.0,0.11200715676652677,0.056489039510522636,0.0,0.0,0.08102192987021893,0.07149297746779748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057940922735169924,0.0,0.0,0.08459267055853653,0.0,0.0,0.10563198001937532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588535760401493,0.07296265589313908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17810867879025366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07620403482762833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3035416052705948,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260394221027403,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10784603147428218,0.08120138760808594,0.06084017643431806,0.19107824743266996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07180197035442745,0.0,0.0,0.06123334602384663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.050612878085897435,0.0,0.07484982188431373,0.0604811245286004,0.08884632797107203,0.0,0.0,0.07279652115749227,0.08464258111902802,0.0,0.1657313654448074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044934954083059586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07763741199589605,0.0,0.0832946086701623,0.0,0.09811924750128424 ptsd,ominousskeleton,2019/08/01,"A question about PTSD CW: clowns I hope this doesn’t come off as insensitive or just plain stupid. I’m visiting Las Vegas like I do every summer, and I went to Zak Baggin’s haunted museum a few days ago. I’m a sucker for tourist traps. At the museum, there was a hallway full of clowns (real and mechanical) jumping out at you and screaming, obviously without warning. There was no talk of there being any clowns or jump scares. I’m not a haunted house lover at all, but I love Halloween and I like(d) the idea of scary clowns. But this clown hallway scared the SHIT out of me. I cried for half an hour afterwards. I’m still shaky about it. My boyfriend and I went to a Halloween shop today, just like a spirit Halloween type store, and there was a room with decorations and mannequins for your house (you know what I mean). I couldn’t go in. I had to have my boyfriend go in before me and make sure nothing was real and make sure nothing jumped or screamed at me. I was so scared. I really hope this doesn’t sound insulting, but could this hallway at the haunted museum have given me PTSD? Or is it just temporary fear/caution? I suffer from depression, anxiety, and borderline personality disorder if this helps. Thank you and I hope this story makes sense.",3.6027513227513204,5.669809839506173,4.219153439153441,85.42333333333333,74.06172839506173,7.426925338036449,25.97472075249853,8.269060116576782,1.6709362727807169,993,35,194,17,21,315,134,243,0.22899999999999998,0.633,0.139,-0.9759,3,0,0,0,0,0,34.0,0,4,0,0,11,22,4,4,13,0,15,3,1,3,4,47,35,21,0,6,13,0,0,2,1,0,0,3,1,1,9,15,0,0,4,4,2,9,6,12,0,1,9,3,24,10,26,23,3,28,1,2,0,2,12,12,1,10,9,121,33,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.103029233530614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07903912100558054,0.0,0.08891420916401667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09890158674925363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10012025128608244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09279871242309178,0.0,0.127671154416176,0.07495753514978995,0.0,0.10010712689013893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13320751826509858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0979272210427075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078897113236626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13211026116995572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07790527242831086,0.0,0.0,0.3463223057114197,0.1144613057743874,0.2682233375289365,0.0,0.13120742300908245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06387594625521842,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17034959525413382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10490043442893823,0.0,0.2327495584378401,0.0,0.0,0.1266065181836585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22304807052827244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.101485928941566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2717289523504907,0.0,0.13020211714414606,0.0,0.0,0.26458613837482353,0.07445872283843415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3490939336722335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1193065157276316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0928199429449752,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21908729337199725,0.0,0.0,0.09341977649258396,0.0,0.10700725580290306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11017068676120932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21548930091101565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1120397795941454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Mr_WhatsHisFace,2019/08/01,"Triggered at work I get to deal with a lot of clients at work (my company consults big corporations in long term projects), which is usually fine. I like my work. Recently I've been assigned to a new client though who could be my abusive father's twin. Looks surprisingly similar, talks and behaves almost exactly like him. The first time I saw him, I had to excuse myself shortly as I was starting to have a panic attack in the meeting. I can't be assigned somewhere else right now, as there is noone else who could take this specific project. This sucks, I hope this project won't be derailed and I won't have to be there much longer... Anyone else had similar experiences in professional settings? How did you cope in the moment?",6.100579710144928,7.067223260869567,6.1233333333333375,78.47166666666669,66.3913043478261,9.321739130434784,34.89855072463768,9.444778638647367,3.233298550724638,582,27,107,11,9,184,91,138,0.094,0.795,0.11199999999999999,-0.3013,0,0,0,0,0,0,18.0,0,1,0,4,5,8,2,1,6,0,18,0,0,2,1,11,25,6,0,3,0,1,0,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,0,1,6,2,15,5,15,11,3,21,0,0,2,0,11,9,1,3,13,70,21,10,0.0,0.2008680751469626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16976212796197246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11854093883198001,0.17370589457979232,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1928674866340327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27071552250756625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747803761076286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4248674942762405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658351380741591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442041034059014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08857363916361365,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16838384480889698,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16564985470171895,0.0,0.0,0.15003076689275738,0.14236444963128758,0.0,0.0,0.1441303145510992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12462576064570068,0.0,0.0,0.1637353695113058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19890964783691045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16739271186606394,0.0,0.0,0.14477967358515825,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11999584752533632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1274672048622034,0.13626365574139576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1665646420428652,0.0,0.09885565818845304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18671589734679786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3702646406959975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,idontfeelsogoodnow,2019/08/01,I have PTSD because of my dad. A few weeks ago I saw my dad fall right in front of my eyes. A few days after that I witnessed him almost die. He has gotten so weak that I am just scared to be around him. I am so scared of sounds. Any small dropping sound always makes my heart almost stop. I keep dreaming about him falling and him dying. I know death is inevitable and he will die one day but it’s no less hurtful right now to suffer. He’s going through dialysis and asks everyday just to end his life because it’s so painful for him. I don’t know how to help him when I feel like I can’t even see him without having a panic attack. Just thinking about it makes my anxiety shoot through the roof. I am having issues remembering even the smallest of things such as names. I can’t concentrate and I can’t stop my panic attacks. Any sound makes me jump. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared and I feel like I’m going insane.,1.5948205128205153,3.4496592769230787,2.8555128205128177,93.88532051282051,79.30769230769229,5.35897435897436,21.602564102564106,6.139981653823899,0.12941025641025616,729,21,161,5,18,235,109,195,0.24,0.665,0.095,-0.9802,0,0,0,1,0,0,16.0,0,0,0,0,15,13,2,5,5,0,16,5,2,4,0,28,34,12,4,0,5,2,2,2,0,1,3,3,0,0,7,6,0,3,7,1,0,6,7,11,0,1,2,8,30,2,19,30,3,23,0,2,3,0,16,5,0,2,13,100,37,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10162618932576337,0.0,0.2296015237873168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09539411886643633,0.0,0.0,0.1559255446284242,0.0,0.08770338227904928,0.0,0.11369738538878242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1020586715974448,0.10717793033131882,0.26085128262602475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13977348782320212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14787353836349007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3569513329421342,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10154175540945301,0.0,0.0,0.1514443506031952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11593627173291135,0.16380532810867166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13031119375982367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13585529689973186,0.07684436439995622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12273022298249955,0.0,0.0,0.1196599641424636,0.0,0.10190205858146284,0.0,0.0,0.1890182655459504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08097740424280929,0.1120198583490364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295799927916904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07768665915214933,0.0,0.12199074012609952,0.2690232432146673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13401428415293834,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1298708377015381,0.19581301240538732,0.0,0.0,0.3443399992421399,0.0,0.09135750423229468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19169729943025887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07616527921796758,0.07346011389048945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09196158795780487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11051403046367553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,beardedta,2019/08/01,PTSD headaches treatment? I'm happy that my gf is steadily recovering from ptsd. She gets nightmares very less and has coped with the triggers. But migraines are frequent. They go on for days. Can you tell me some tips that have worked for you. And are there specific things that trigger these headaches? She always gets them in rainy weather,3.6933196721311496,6.9228129836065575,2.085389344262296,93.69234631147543,83.09836065573771,4.361475409836066,27.297131147540984,5.985473137389443,0.9590803278688532,276,12,49,2,8,76,51,61,0.021,0.915,0.064,0.5803,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,0,1,0,6,1,0,2,0,7,10,3,0,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,5,3,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,8,1,6,10,2,5,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,2,32,13,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24496070720161126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1898607952165381,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.307619081026703,0.0,0.16731179321644635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31338957058520506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6882653608276436,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573147140894975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19558334290570206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24290718619347304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21432348943983887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,timmyhigt369,2019/08/01,"Stick Figure (reggae band) lyrics give me so much...hope, understanding, love and forgiveness From ""Fire In The Horizon"" In this jungle, we are all just animals We're criminals, but we're innocent always In this jungle, we are all just animals We‘re criminals, but we're innocent always So many miles I've walked So many rivers I've crossed So many battles I've lost, Make me who I am today And when tomorrow it comes, There'll be a brand new sun This song is not over, It's just begun Just started a sub mainly just to discuss his lyrics. If you like these, check it out please r/StickFigureFanClub music for the soul. This is an ad to soothe souls😀 sorry for the promotion.",3.7600416377515593,5.727899854961834,4.457598889659959,84.31521165857045,73.35114503816793,8.122414989590563,24.122831367106176,8.841846274778883,1.7041389312977095,535,16,105,11,11,171,87,131,0.12300000000000001,0.736,0.141,0.3847,0,0,0,1,0,0,21.0,2,1,0,2,10,5,1,0,6,0,6,1,0,1,2,21,13,10,0,1,9,0,1,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,9,6,0,0,3,2,1,3,1,2,0,0,1,2,7,3,10,11,3,15,1,1,0,1,10,6,0,1,7,57,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3486156262855831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18045227286510604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20095653746878012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023435027725586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22867698297410954,0.0,0.18906786163720196,0.0,0.13983247241508684,0.6371529450034552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15399514721147695,0.0,0.0,0.2023213515486692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.229950978591429,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23450064972010226,0.14827414580010906,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19856672924604848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.218080661898153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pat_abatemarco,2019/08/01,"Dealing with low vision and PTSD I have a degenerative retinal disorder. Basically I have almost no peripheral vision and my central vision is blurry. I’m in Adjustment to Blindness training and am using my white cane when I’m out. I keep hearing people talk about random strangers who have grabbed their arm or cane “to be helpful “. It by far the thing im most scared about with transportation. I don’t know someone is coming unless their right in front of me and I’m freaked that I’ll scream if anyone grabs me. Also apparently random people putting hands on you to pray you get healed is a thing. It boggles my mind that anyone thinks it’s ok. I know people are just trying to be helpful but touch is difficult. Anyone have any suggestions?",4.9548355899419745,6.828208893617022,5.4771760154738915,78.62454545454548,69.99290780141844,7.68046421663443,29.130238555770468,8.296473431620573,2.2070652482269506,598,23,104,9,11,192,94,141,0.107,0.809,0.083,-0.5106,1,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,2,2,0,5,6,0,1,3,1,13,4,2,1,0,24,24,10,0,1,5,0,4,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,8,8,0,1,4,0,0,4,2,5,0,0,0,8,14,1,15,22,1,12,1,1,2,0,11,7,0,6,1,65,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18182632498118376,0.0,0.0,0.14520960746854866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348075170763333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38089525961526094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15641525022893055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1872011964505888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20810662212857,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09486815164650224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20465406411072265,0.0,0.2434187394557837,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961377579372269,0.0,0.0,0.16139681056339925,0.0,0.0,0.1995834406881591,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18334422305580103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3776545093345176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21225751798655024,0.1825382376114094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15506848492062705,0.0,0.0,0.1817934410116503,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15385230057574015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1459472736905677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2412676115198115,0.11634924996211847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12328102563758946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15682697840625495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,satans_paperclip,2019/08/01,"Intrusive... reimaginings? For lack of a better term. I developed PTSD after a singular incident in 2014. I often find myself getting stuck back in that moment, seeing it happen again. Or as imagining current situations but.... where I'm in kind of the same position as I was then? I'll take a normal situation that's kind of stressful and then kind of twist it in my mind to something that I know can't happen, but I can't help it. I think it's because I hate still being so affected by what happened that I just want to experience the trauma again and feel justified when I'm struggling. Like I'm not just being weak and dumb. Does anybody else struggle with something similar?",4.634615384615387,6.347247846153848,5.909230769230772,75.85076923076926,70.53846153846153,9.2,30.69230769230769,9.642632912329526,3.1386769230769227,540,23,95,13,10,181,86,130,0.223,0.682,0.095,-0.9589,1,0,2,0,0,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,10,12,2,3,5,0,5,1,0,1,0,22,20,12,0,3,6,0,1,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,9,4,0,0,5,0,0,0,3,7,0,0,2,2,10,5,16,16,3,16,0,0,1,0,1,5,1,2,12,66,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11679770485874942,0.0,0.09259364404335846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13433858349627995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1329241398247366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12688859248468867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14858223473118354,0.0,0.0,0.07680256137079303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13882907110430145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07935874988880838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4029601394977074,0.0,0.0,0.14996464188478115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10181186482214327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4745250969728926,0.08347739508269111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.074208113793926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337042082636235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14882462764210874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17755686170296478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12104046853684522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3414721789416966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2338720349790264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12130336226741267,0.0,0.17399494975908095,0.3175867941491102,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142059660775532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09732803756838704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08959147282374294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,BluePsion4297,2019/08/01,"Doubts about CPT I'm going to a new therapist who says she wants to do CPT (Cognitive Processing Therapy) for my PTSD, and that it will be a twelve week course and afterwards I'll be cured of PTSD. I looked it up when I got home and I have my doubts. Seems like it is all about changing your dysfunctional beliefs about the world like ""the world isn't safe"", or help for people that blame themselves for their trauma. I don't blame myself but I definitely think the world is unsafe and there isn't a place in it for me. I really want to take my own life but during a government psyche eval the clinician told me I have PTSD and that there are very effective therapies for it. CPT looks like a load of crap to me. I was reading through a thing for therapists about doing CPT for patients and it has to do with a lot of Socratic style questioning. Yeah, isn't the legend of Socrates that he killed himself rather then run away or capitulate to the shitty society he was in? Even if they patch me up enough to rejoin society, what the hell would keep this from simply happening again?",5.734983748645719,6.078433173708921,5.868544600938972,82.17081256771401,67.02816901408451,10.121921271217047,28.591188154568435,10.035473477838034,2.4717846876128564,858,26,176,19,13,272,126,213,0.146,0.768,0.086,-0.9254,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,2,1,10,10,3,2,14,1,19,2,1,1,1,27,32,13,1,5,6,0,0,3,0,2,1,1,1,0,14,7,0,2,5,1,0,2,4,6,0,0,4,3,21,4,30,24,4,17,2,0,2,0,12,9,2,8,9,120,35,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13285061387037575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14958319333099773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1461047236426745,0.0,0.09339382988879323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0803612773545993,0.0,0.11309105834665995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12504017352727145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0947779097483288,0.0,0.14183643291014866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1256834406376885,0.15643892617033542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09987549732382577,0.2072437212708262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374819534967369,0.0,0.0,0.1202138200454638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1365656788220721,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09802944254765852,0.0,0.14773363766767236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4958695602839023,0.0,0.15840114697095567,0.0,0.14143896673459205,0.0,0.09058491027870924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11244751339769242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1287258881855884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1063157301413544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3234080511667062,0.3283542262556538,0.09394034313440047,0.09060386013705816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13511443006500212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11667038757911165,0.16680359485296006,0.0,0.11342311374212888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10044700150090308,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ivanrancic,2019/03/10,"Not sure if I see objects as others My father is a psychopath. Growing up next to him, I learned that everything is wrong with me. Constant feeling that I lack something. That others see things I cannot, see them differently. Like, real, physical objects. That they see more. Then also that others can think things I cannot. That my mental processes aren't enough. That other don't notice me. That I need to know stuff magically, without learning or studying about it. Anyone else?",3.015681818181818,6.024684659090912,3.620909090909091,83.35136363636364,83.0909090909091,5.4727272727272736,26.181818181818183,6.980632752743323,1.5791909090909084,382,16,63,5,11,120,60,88,0.08800000000000001,0.845,0.068,-0.3944,1,0,1,0,0,0,16.0,0,0,2,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,0,1,14,15,5,0,3,4,1,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,16,1,0,0,5,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,5,13,2,7,15,3,5,0,0,4,0,4,1,0,2,4,52,29,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516601633979911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1269269723149163,0.18599450526976055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961647659917373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.189655694115558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1516414082056625,0.0,0.0,0.1875645466630023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16314357142627453,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09178483527961127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0997617634162599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868427536033123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18293518463392447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13459898756198793,0.0,0.0,0.19305461422863127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20666818359872136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20661595864510995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5786098415746936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1397473327967719,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2078034677019818,0.0,0.0,0.17108579997826895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2411951843044213,0.11631432255460444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17498427249002035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984698287229225,0.0,0.0 ptsd,LiquorStoreJen,2019/03/10,"Healthy coping mechanisms? I've had people recommend mediation to me but I've found I'm incapable of doing it, I always need to gogogo and I'm always multitasking and even when I have nothing to do and decide to relax I always have the news and/or reddit open on a second monitor or my phone so zen activities like meditation don't work",2.83792207792208,5.471441666666671,5.429567099567101,72.92863636363641,79.3030303030303,8.61991341991342,24.58008658008658,9.23628265651192,2.6834268398268395,274,10,47,8,7,97,49,66,0.051,0.782,0.16699999999999998,0.7714,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,1,3,2,0,0,2,0,6,0,0,0,0,10,10,7,0,1,2,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,4,0,0,2,1,0,0,1,0,0,1,2,0,5,2,6,8,0,3,1,0,0,0,1,2,0,1,2,29,6,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7670952673325718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20296891463267494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.33693885895645914,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1501313781323066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2278592390340863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29486287450409004,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.213043298252532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2237182394211364,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Eddsworld_Starboy,2019/03/10,It's nearly been 4 years (trigger warning) It's almost been 4 years since he died. I can't look at hospitals without the memories coming back. Seeing him half dead. His body was all sorts of fucked up. I can't deal with this any longer. I'm going to go insane. Every day it gets worse.,0.059703389830506375,2.4112050338983053,1.8862500000000004,94.67479872881357,91.8813559322034,4.3059322033898315,15.84957627118644,5.985473137389443,-0.4917305084745767,223,5,47,2,8,73,49,59,0.287,0.713,0.0,-0.9590000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,1,0,5,2,1,1,1,7,13,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,0,0,0,0,3,3,1,0,1,3,2,4,0,7,10,1,10,0,0,2,1,4,3,1,2,4,24,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2554291343248409,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17346542926457634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1961433554121567,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28334010409557703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21973172457461065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16450766210386933,0.2629797393688547,0.0,0.0,0.2647362510653163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21491872908937015,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2358204522684312,0.13327052533548953,0.0,0.28993949923207835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.214205774659575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2032684089827637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21100758804622502,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2458912525182909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25995173215014145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3285306360621029 ptsd,fugdesis,2019/03/10,"All through recovery, my goal was to re-friend her. Im 17, what happened between me and a friend over the course of a few years, from age 11-14 left me with PTSD, yes, diagnosed. Ill never forget, my therapist told me the goal of therapy was not to make it so we could talk again. I frowned. I knew i missed her, my best friend. What happened was not her fault, she was over medicated, and had a breakdown. The girl who made me happiest in the world also broke me. For months I beat myself up physically and mentally for missing her. Everyone told me she was a horrible person, a crazy lunatic who didn’t deserve friends. Not once was I told it was ok to miss her, before her breakdown of course. I was broken, I couldn’t even say her name, I had nightmares every night, i had 3+ anxiety attacks every day but ALL I wanted was her friendship. Its officially been a few years since we ‘stopped being friends’. Today, we hung out, we’d been talking for a few months via text. I know, shes my abuser, she ruined my highschool years, she broke my sense of trust and relationships. I get it, I know its wrong I know it is. But, I havent been this happy in years. I havent had this much fun in SO long. Never had I smiled so much. I know its wrong to be her friend again, but I don’t feel wrong, this feels right, but everyone tells me its wrong. I want her in my life again. I forgive her, it was never her fault. I missed her, she was my best friend. Yes, I still am triggered by stuff, but she’s different, shes new. I want her in my life again, I am okay with it, she is okay with it. Why am I so okay with this? ",1.3524091833769276,3.180850357357357,2.7380935774484207,94.56436791630342,79.96096096096095,6.098575995350188,21.252445994381482,7.1029339738359605,0.34741797926959217,1231,35,286,15,31,399,152,333,0.151,0.6609999999999999,0.188,0.9244,1,0,0,0,1,0,59.0,4,0,0,5,11,30,1,0,11,6,35,5,0,3,5,44,57,14,0,5,8,0,2,0,6,0,5,1,0,2,20,12,0,1,8,0,0,0,11,14,0,0,25,3,70,16,28,27,9,33,0,7,0,0,47,12,0,0,21,196,90,3,0.0,0.1026985582949118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931589416317861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06630798207490336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0986080680306546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07375609256392059,0.0,0.1819251902896301,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06920485958069683,0.0,0.0,0.05589975937279852,0.0,0.0,0.08797574749565948,0.0,0.09055944602065936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05724961241056314,0.0,0.1460589140610113,0.16564796114488714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08765340660907911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4687672684202613,0.0,0.04528536970537306,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15329709636513858,0.09226971563917506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09362647766625663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1905425528329437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09417526053325888,0.0,0.12244563731693307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767067810476759,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0820162619445596,0.05785784482196396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08731837253312723,0.08735044342007046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13837016482362452,0.0,0.12743574045159814,0.0,0.2005528882852066,0.08371358354677813,0.0,0.08134087841984157,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0923086137400399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07568337187478033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10132125489893214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.093059101167125,0.0,0.07402203529219467,0.0,0.06892935610644631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170044997764967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06922069229267529,0.07246619665126318,0.0,0.0,0.0992248980660566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13933603916298729,0.07575987756860736,0.0,0.09912317334986602,0.1006391546898229,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0821600505883873,0.2484719417173307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15337374800976736,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07821288150825878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3790725677872196,0.0,0.22326964309867295 ptsd,valueyoghurt,2019/03/10,"After a trigger, does anyone else feel like the current feelings/situation will last forever? My mum went through long periods of depression during my childhood where she would completely shut down and I’d have no interactions with anyone for very long periods. At the worst point, I even thought I might be dead, because nobody had responded to me for so long. Now when my partner doesn’t answer fast enough, or if she cuts me off or walks away while I’m talking, I immediately fly off the rails. I shout, insult her, run around the flat, punch my legs all while feeling absolutely f%#*ing terrified. And I’m a big guy so this probably terrifies her too. I feel ashamed by all of it but I can’t stop it from happening, no matter how hard I try. Sometimes I manage to remain calm if she does it once or twice but it seems whenever she is in the mood to not listen to me, she’ll find a way to do it sooner or later. Anyway, during these intense moments, I have a real sense that **this is 100% forever. This is my life now and it will always be this way.** And of course, if I manage to stay calm for the first or second time she does it, that only makes it more severe when I eventually lose the plot because, by the third time, it seems all the more likely that this feeling will never go away because she will just never listen. This has put a huge strain on the relationship as she has an interrupting/ignoring problem anyway and my bad behaviour around that only makes her more likely to zone out when I’m saying something. ",4.429595959595961,5.86350675757576,5.2494107744107765,81.47189393939395,70.64983164983164,8.228282828282829,27.304713804713806,8.710501217029153,1.9975198653198647,1205,41,231,21,22,392,168,297,0.14400000000000002,0.8029999999999999,0.053,-0.9799,1,0,1,0,0,1,38.0,0,0,0,2,16,15,2,2,16,0,20,2,1,4,5,45,37,24,1,5,12,1,5,3,1,7,1,4,0,2,20,9,0,1,9,0,0,5,7,9,0,4,3,9,31,5,31,25,8,49,0,2,0,0,22,16,0,11,28,165,51,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09452290104685916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15886117097919636,0.11639490158774594,0.0,0.2022531751645195,0.0,0.0,0.21345871905391112,0.0,0.09484985082546234,0.20774544147189627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11910567550174535,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09784206514600507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2982319617665236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09489681837173564,0.0,0.0,0.1173774296102271,0.0,0.07503061790535744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2297548920409907,0.08115466133422174,0.0,0.0,0.103826804973752,0.09662667156507443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0645605421981191,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11248019507832184,0.10045461776131814,0.0,0.1017617802666576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09259779122877554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08023785175888504,0.166495200833622,0.0,0.0,0.3015928110533109,0.0,0.1270874609200683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15165551922106155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205098639863006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17522805246645048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209785016050912,0.0,0.1727932800977273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10738712907137007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12247820057253878,0.1086982488822756,0.0,0.1141976860176134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1292997561302974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12196208093451225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09033794226231016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20683128516051144,0.0,0.12833376527074122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08745353538503049,0.11235164155927063,0.0,0.0,0.1210806926342866,0.0,0.09497328074473044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09130602526974542,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09018437572234604,0.1324801859380931,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07712580137681152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09373050962511924,0.0,0.1803381150949729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1053067792123378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08069698606778601,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Summerbt,2019/10/09,"Today Sucks Today sucks. But All I really need to know is that after the 10,000th time life kicks you in the gut you will do whatever you have to get back up and be ready to potentially take 10,000 more and then over and over again until your 90. And you cannot do it in isolation so ask for help! If you don’t I will feel personally responsible. It’s my good friend/brother’s deathiversary so ya. This is my 🧠 on death. I need an adult beverage and a pile of puppies. Who is ready to take a merciless beating from life? 🙌",1.8941666666666641,3.8357326759259287,3.4812592592592613,89.3396666666667,78.72222222222223,7.653333333333332,21.91111111111111,8.548686976883017,1.1988155555555549,411,12,92,9,10,136,76,108,0.131,0.754,0.115,-0.4075,0,1,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,7,0,1,4,3,2,0,5,0,11,3,1,0,1,12,21,11,1,3,2,0,1,0,0,2,2,0,0,2,5,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,1,12,1,15,18,2,14,0,0,0,0,12,6,2,1,8,62,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23662976120495646,0.0,0.0,0.19463096613079872,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12798330873877295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19555718160480925,0.0,0.1322429253252072,0.0,0.0,0.2123021128923596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16965865586037338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13910620996084974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3575673418909806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3753653580919761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22101156643552705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16215291263467985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3806242176155277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14759426785706936,0.0,0.4798496956241573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ellaro453,2019/10/09,"Nightmares Hello, I am 18 years old (F) and went through a terrible break-up in March that involved him cheating on me and publicly humiliating me. I have since suffered from terrible nightmares of the whole situation (once a week minimum) that leave me sweating and crying. I don't know how to make them go away :( Any advice?",3.823,6.523827300000002,4.633333333333336,79.65500000000002,76.0,7.333333333333335,31.66666666666667,8.344100000000001,2.7671666666666668,258,13,45,5,6,83,50,60,0.327,0.6729999999999999,0.0,-0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,0,1,0,1,4,1,0,3,0,3,1,1,2,0,6,7,4,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,4,0,0,1,0,8,0,7,6,1,9,0,1,0,0,5,3,0,0,4,28,10,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2705513858869645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18827916400596886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2601258121478012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3041255762378405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1573499882920844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15215895126381274,0.0,0.0,0.2931623475763215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18481098021632816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2905255119346261,0.2948544910409629,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2290273770669537,0.31121028981599697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2220861365931772,0.0,0.0,0.256658632532693,0.0,0.3091122983289909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17829337456565347 ptsd,nun_the_wiser,2019/10/09,"I think I’m spiraling and I’m angry at my husband who can’t help me (tw mention of abuse, yelling, SA no details) (TW here) I have C-PTSD from a culmination of many things: abusive home situation, rape, and abusive violent romantic relationships. I was proud to say that I escaped all of that and ended up in a healthy marriage. But I can no longer afford medication or therapy so I’ve been skating by basically. As a kid, my family gaslighted me into thinking I was a walking disaster. If something broke, it had to be my fault. If I injured myself, obviously it was in character for me. But I am actually a very careful person and I work hard to appear “graceful” (also hyper awareness from my sexual assault - you will never catch me missing a step or tripping on the curb). It was normal in my family for my siblings to break something, blame it on me, and I got the beating and verbal lashing despite my proclaimed innocence. So yesterday I had a cooking disaster. I damaged an expensive piece of cookware - but only aesthetically. It still works fine but it is no longer beautiful. I told my husband because it triggered me. I felt like I was falling into that family trap and had berated myself for an hour (I’m stupid and careless and clumsy and don’t deserve nice things). I told my husband and he immediately starts lecturing me on how I shouldn’t have done that. I get emotional, “I know, I know! I feel guilty enough!” But I raised my voice so he started yelling back. I don’t even remember what he said but I felt like he was speaking to a bad dog and not his wife. We reconciled some time later but the spiral started. This morning we had a fight. I have a migraine and a lot of work to do. He kept talking to me while I was writing and it made me irritable. So I took a break to watch tv with him. He kept talking during the show. The show + his voice + my migraine made me feel like I was going to lose my mind. I couldn’t process anything. Construction started outside. I reminded my husband that he had to pause if he needed to talk. I asked him to shut the window. He lost it and started yelling at me again. That he couldn’t stand my mood. I started crying again, that I couldn’t process all the sounds and he knows this. He just kept yelling that I was bossy, selfish, I had a bad attitude. I left the room and locked myself in the bedroom. He keeps yelling and slamming the doors. Huge huge trigger. Now I’m scared and hiding. I have to shower. He’s mad at me and not coming to comfort me. I don’t want to see him and I’m afraid of having to talk because I just feel mute. I have to go to work soon. I love him But I don’t feel like I love him right now. I feel like he has been pretending to understand my ptsd. I know I wasn’t rude. I know I don’t deserve the yelling I feel like a scared teenager again and I don’t know what to do. I have to go to work",1.4602340713199276,3.7183752250859134,3.3371691735676836,88.13028308264326,81.97250859106529,6.221891724409892,26.379471579065967,7.456370464407227,1.4777095036899333,2239,98,461,35,61,750,256,582,0.182,0.71,0.10800000000000001,-0.9913,2,0,2,0,8,0,73.0,2,1,0,9,18,35,7,3,27,0,45,8,0,5,4,90,99,43,0,10,17,5,9,6,0,2,4,12,6,2,24,28,1,5,19,5,1,11,18,20,0,0,32,23,92,14,49,61,6,54,0,5,2,3,51,19,0,8,27,303,116,6,0.0,0.2686598226333722,0.07375792270018695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06044354838320975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062198215164293275,0.0,0.07065972738238421,0.0,0.0,0.058118517877641475,0.12621698379829344,0.09214916274592827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706171535531271,0.0,0.0,0.06510790098466422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0830241711696708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07734745966319413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08502049164558144,0.06694393829943254,0.07809725056216052,0.0,0.04992173525904058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21375824867031992,0.0,0.2293016480833381,0.21598550731779767,0.14514270721856426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03948890031476062,0.0,0.12886636359012932,0.0,0.06045048031191324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06770735462113266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05066156644925282,0.0,0.0758157242535008,0.0,0.0744338459722796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06718147716429514,0.0,0.0,0.2492300247351421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212094765946515,0.0,0.0,0.22155566807143096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08455783460024395,0.08250756905722016,0.0642578048885402,0.13643287966851075,0.14303657067124428,0.0,0.07662910936083099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07614173255162095,0.0,0.0,0.07631709506174089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.056043698257796544,0.05829412504786796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405510915399888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05748413530634173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06599599709337378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1767045277758066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08114765526434052,0.08562059333059366,0.06454730946808085,0.07189656361291909,0.06010648670325724,0.15134316301926296,0.0,0.06022971635516487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08495824879667366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1163746844379085,0.0,0.0,0.3209874250979053,0.0,0.060360532230343086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24300240879375895,0.0,0.0,0.08643553396520405,0.0,0.10042772516520827,0.09686082955576716,0.0,0.0,0.04407294617920052,0.0,0.0,0.14444523402483508,0.08397528648211892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07868437407906206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06236373653622875,0.04458070148970808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.275125940866678,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dioxazine_violet,2019/10/09,"PTSD + PMS: Anyone else have their symptoms get out of control while PMSing? The past couple days have been more hellish than usual. Startling at the slightest sounds or movements, dissociation and depersonalization, more nightmares, head constantly on a swivel looking for danger, unending monologue of intrusive thoughts, triggered again and again and again... I was feeling more hopeless than usual. Everything was turning into a catastrophe. Everything was threatening and scary. There would be absolutely no way that I could survive like that for long. And then, this morning, the familiar signs and symptoms of my period. I've always had a tough time with PMS. Since coming more fully into my PTSD, I feel like it's getting out of hand. Even though I know exactly when to expect my periods, it still surprises me pretty much every month how out of control my symptoms get in the days beforehand. Anyone else experience this? Any suggestions, tips, or tricks? Thanks for reading, hope you're doing ok today.",6.389539473684213,9.489031883040935,5.967598684210527,71.3135032894737,69.35087719298245,8.719444444444445,32.90972222222222,9.354420925462401,3.725926608187134,816,38,116,19,16,252,120,171,0.146,0.7290000000000001,0.125,-0.7975,0,0,0,0,0,1,30.0,0,0,1,3,9,12,3,1,7,1,11,7,2,4,1,29,23,13,0,4,2,0,3,2,0,1,5,1,0,0,6,13,0,2,4,1,0,2,1,6,0,0,6,5,10,6,20,14,5,30,1,1,1,0,2,8,0,3,21,79,16,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10229562746878372,0.0,0.0,0.08360316975362596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1719245070322841,0.2519323753337434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10590161248699932,0.0,0.13285407378408498,0.2757745160145751,0.0981572974107074,0.1360303713154264,0.0,0.15857179218880268,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20540058488715773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08120047155761878,0.0,0.10358194752388862,0.0,0.2209804392352331,0.12025855642345745,0.0,0.0,0.12432394999019535,0.08782810209226763,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1926926604340949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1261715368763557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12210680038565838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06756441000364198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12012419460389567,0.0,0.0,0.10879771111933416,0.10323833294619746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09812924629609053,0.0,0.09037477969069006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11735979556883007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250738096438498,0.0,0.0,0.287419716227981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12297290740883683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10169693913952801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0981797538715384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3833440704995084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11318630139027155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12078757032968128,0.09760034023738297,0.0716870916869129,0.0,0.11653240205594673,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13372302335227074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2708012853849488,0.0,0.0,0.09758376243145886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08733279166444044,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,0xCuber,2019/10/09,"Life hasnt been the same since the 10 of July 2019 And its all my fault. I did a stupid mistake and now I pay for it. I hope I will be my old self again one day.",-0.3169230769230751,0.16586602564102826,1.885128205128208,104.70153846153849,81.05128205128204,5.2,15.564102564102564,3.1291,-1.4711435897435896,121,1,37,0,3,41,33,39,0.243,0.6859999999999999,0.071,-0.7184,0,0,0,0,0,0,3.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,3,0,5,1,0,0,1,6,6,2,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,0,1,2,0,6,1,2,2,2,4,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,4,25,8,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2818902267575506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4341341316035498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30873324729854795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4586578569918452,0.0,0.2961870014986103,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4559855926032391,0.0,0.0,0.36156964412003,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,KAN-DIS_RAH-BIN-SUN,2019/10/09,"I really think I may have PTSD from... (TW Dental) | Need Help figuring out what my next steps are. ...a root canal I had as a kid (11 i think). It was terrifying then and still is now, but I buried it deep in side while taking it like a damn g at the time (cried a single fucking tear). And I'm not proud of that! I'm not proud of being terrified to that extent. Certainly I'm not happy about any part of the situation. I had to go several times.. you know what, I'll spare yall all the extended dramatics. It's the genesis of my fear of dentistry & drill sounds. <------That has kept me from going to the dentist unless I REALLY need it. I'm not in pain now, or most of the time really. But *IDK WHERE TO BEGIN* *(I'm so scared for my dental health tbh to the point of embarrassment.)* # WTF now? ps tw because if there's anyone else out there like me..",-0.308075232046896,1.9135522471910136,2.145114802149489,93.46742305813387,91.13483146067415,6.017000488519785,16.166096726917438,7.423996415210882,0.16954440644846125,652,15,150,13,23,222,111,178,0.19399999999999998,0.7290000000000001,0.077,-0.98,0,0,0,0,0,0,49.0,0,2,0,2,9,12,2,3,11,0,9,4,0,1,2,25,25,11,0,3,9,0,0,2,0,1,3,1,0,1,9,4,0,1,4,0,0,3,4,6,0,0,4,1,14,6,23,19,5,23,0,0,0,1,4,9,2,4,13,90,23,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18617583504897406,0.0,0.1168491009633202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12014630629129422,0.17605834592189554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1047449052018348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1887452621269168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14354045278506666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335455023159492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15885244658346964,0.0,0.0,0.19530790638029533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18291436525706795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18264539270047225,0.0,0.0,0.11517285273083865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09443231146986884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16789320530277332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2548169375063592,0.0,0.0,0.18274129122463087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18283737079198575,0.0,0.0,0.18607324817345555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16243323427146558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20085802691060997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3302327269783444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203005204840002,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19411701140932294,0.0,0.0,0.19314215020829767,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1372222609082565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1291934582969393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2202012065495019,0.0,0.0,0.3005832998548806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,dulead,2019/10/09,"I'm not sure what's going on with me (trigger warning) Thanks to dumb instagram I saw my ex and it set me off on Saturday. I've been struggling since than, I haven't eaten and I'm filled with so many thoughts and regrets but the one thing that is new to me is this constant physical discomfort. Its been a few days and it hasn't gone away. Is this normal? I've never had this and it's driving me into utter despair",-0.2078787878787871,2.0803751818181797,1.885909090909092,94.60303030303032,92.63636363636364,4.751515151515153,20.96969696969697,6.42735559955562,0.3610196969696968,328,12,71,4,12,109,62,88,0.162,0.815,0.023,-0.8744,0,0,0,0,0,0,7.0,0,0,0,0,1,7,1,2,2,0,8,1,0,1,2,16,16,7,0,2,2,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,10,8,1,0,1,0,0,4,4,5,0,1,7,1,7,2,10,9,1,15,0,2,1,0,1,5,1,0,5,48,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2788926344537399,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3207805215241061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19143839834375406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16870203077390175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3009509853172683,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289426892429912,0.2866916518715765,0.0,0.0,0.29084193009120124,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2011476801780048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2455505973238061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3103234916331467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2797698754153928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2732920395678933,0.0,0.0,0.19720849618206696,0.0,0.0,0.235659224821064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,SuperGirl9595,2019/10/09,"Feel like a loose cannon (TW: discusses suicide, child abuse) I was officially diagnosed with PTSD 4 months ago, but I had been told I “might” have PTSD for years. It stems from sexual, emotional, and physical abuse from multiple family members starting when I was 8 years old. Things finally came to a breaking point and I got the proper treatment after months of fighting the urge to kill myself almost every day. The therapy wasn’t my idea, and I was kind of forced into it, but before it I didn’t think I’d live to see 2020. Before treatment I thought I was getting the best help available, and if that wasn’t helping anything, I had no desire to continue living. Fast forward to now, and I managed to keep my dream job thanks to some really good supervisors, and I haven’t had any serious thoughts of hurting myself, but I feel like I’m one bad decisions away from losing everything. Like the clock is ticking and I’m going to do something so fucked up it will be irredeemable. I have random outbursts of anger and can tell I act like a child sometimes. My anger doesn’t hurt anyone, I just isolate myself from others. I second guess everything I do. It’s hard to explain, but I’m almost scared of myself. Anyone else experience this?",6.074971751412432,6.834637457627117,6.496000000000002,76.5122768361582,66.37288135593221,9.513672316384179,31.83502824858757,9.558583805096642,2.9770540112994355,984,38,175,19,15,319,144,236,0.248,0.611,0.14,-0.9877,1,0,1,0,4,3,28.0,0,0,0,2,4,19,5,1,8,0,22,2,0,0,0,33,42,15,2,2,6,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,0,2,9,11,0,1,8,1,0,4,6,11,0,2,16,4,25,8,24,23,2,24,0,3,1,1,9,5,1,7,20,110,34,2,0.0,0.2564033067803211,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0959145270420009,0.0,0.2166973071438423,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07358105703866201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15131468095726933,0.11086571558199676,0.08904101041778388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10165932232559118,0.0,0.09034413398840496,0.0,0.0,0.18414383164249004,0.0,0.11355130284046892,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12375424017830865,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06978132599608222,0.0,0.0,0.1098227324164649,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903888704034514,0.12171266429981555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09116483515387744,0.0,0.1944899260603819,0.10584229910969127,0.1020031973396979,0.0,0.10942034473643356,0.1545990327566088,0.0,0.11852998059702127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10003098728554534,0.05653106885825832,0.0,0.06149367894572556,0.09075468750526827,0.0865390081209779,0.0,0.11919668014923528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09692772135432323,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1450510132509017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23166491569199324,0.12214686541928398,0.0,0.0,0.10737376965303394,0.09617489171139758,0.11970945979471904,0.11267571196006355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21144808841387816,0.0,0.1910886619937656,0.0,0.0,0.12105033901146214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1147852021289642,0.0,0.0,0.17273157680867451,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11353977683994013,0.0,0.07332046217108874,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1022858453969182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2529646494999058,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06931695927911348,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10832905831351497,0.0,0.08622296937740978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08329917074011797,0.10701452527875936,0.0,0.07658591860078541,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.118355404605468,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09457330001693713,0.09961784610722307,0.12373839442069295,0.0,0.071884587837845,0.06933146000065167,0.0,0.17180057223101214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10339162911372514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1393570556019143 ptsd,bonizzle,2019/10/09,"Anyone else with CPTSD/PTSD have these issues with therapy? So long story short, i’ve had more smaller events of sexual abuse starting when I was 12, possibly earlier, with a very neglectful and toxic mother and family. I had a bigger trauma when I was 16 where i got dragged out of a car and let in the middle of nowhere. It wasn’t until I was 20 I got the diagnosis of PTSD (also bipolar) after years of trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I started going to therapy, but the prolonged exposure didn’t work. I didn’t want to do it, because it just made me uncomfortable. I have panic attacks and the fear and real emotions come when I don’t expect it at home, but i was never able to get any emotions out in therapy. I couldn’t even really have full memories of the main traumas. My therapist always tried to get me to cry and break down but i never could. I eventually just gave up and stopped going because i started feeling better. He was confused and thought i was running because we didn’t do any real PE work. I feel fine but my husband also thinks i’m running from it. Maybe i’m manic, maybe i didn’t have ptsd, maybe i just got better by myself, and maybe all i needed was someone to validate my traumas and give a shit about me. I just don’t know if anyone else has had this because it’s very confusing and i’m not sure if i’ll relapse soon.",4.121350940528217,4.967433018050542,5.6445259357780735,80.56083412502376,70.80505415162455,8.286452593577808,29.01938058141745,8.532816995589336,2.155812996389891,1074,40,209,17,19,365,143,277,0.183,0.759,0.057999999999999996,-0.9874,0,0,0,0,1,0,26.0,1,0,0,4,14,15,2,4,9,0,28,2,1,1,4,53,52,24,0,7,11,2,2,0,0,0,1,0,1,0,9,20,0,2,6,0,0,6,11,11,0,0,22,2,30,4,30,27,4,35,0,1,0,0,6,13,1,4,15,143,39,2,0.09033207844381604,0.10702874174514387,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1444770609908773,0.07516352561718354,0.0,0.0,0.1228578219215086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12632457914671005,0.18511177863368813,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10276577999209756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22026238634924386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15978276525012833,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07781308703049553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07212281424926606,0.0,0.09922554650290526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15092172076134508,0.20322285976786247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05966348587001856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08515704420772606,0.10164870206200212,0.09134922607292356,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09438956533569708,0.08665476079148322,0.1026756037663706,0.0,0.2167404453717893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0906104399066296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09428322088457193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04964414792478144,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09237067039436296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994104683804269,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08547439676182148,0.0,0.0,0.3630028570135298,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06698009157247972,0.1393393353837279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1059852309202363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1018358458012108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3167800971284613,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20563536295563428,0.057869042536172866,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09272458041572934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07653807692677099,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19181253017756755,0.0,0.0,0.07552166238175054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08513691489706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30990781265760664,0.10488250541760824,0.0,0.05788114841733422,0.0,0.0717135800933133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226591034199835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14906685011342904,0.05328020028961292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1315256579139198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876394721107054,0.0,0.05817089686428991 ptsd,Turner810,2019/10/09,"Rexulti (Brexpiprazole) for PTSD and recovery and/preparation for military redeployment Hi. Let me give you some background about myself: 24 years old Complex-PTSD/Combat neurosis. I have been using steroids since I was 15 and made FORECON (Special Operations Forces Marines, MOS-0321. I have done Green and Black Ops and am extremely physically fit. I haven't used steroids in a few years but have kept it minimal. Labs show everything is back to normal. I have been in denial about PTSD for a long time and am just now getting help. Tonight I started Rexulti: 00.5mg half of one milligram. I plan on taking this medication for the next 6 to 9 months and have read I will notice effects in as little as 2 days. I also plan on getting a head on Physical Training to Redeploy with steroids. Namely small doses of Dianabol, followed by S-23 and the hormone modulator GW-501516 with Post Cycle Therapy of Clomid, all with doctors supervision for 6 weeks. I just moved in upstairs from a girl and we really like each other. Her father is a 75th Army Ranger! I *NEED* his approval. . . I have generalized anxiety, and have developed social anxiety and at times the opposite -- Ataraxia. My training takes over and I go into a euphoric autopilot. I have been told I am ""Dissociating"". I'm not familiar with these terms. I have recieved some pretty severe injuries in the line of duty. I have been shot 4 times. I become numb to the nerve at times and distant to the world and others around me. It is unpleasant and I become aloof. I have problems conveying emotions sometimes and have ""triggers"". I will do anything for my only daughter, and being a single father is difficult. I'm starting therapy soon... I just need some support in making sense of everything. I don't feel guilty for the shots fired , but I feel like I should. This isn't love, This is hate. This isn't an armed invasion. This is war. I am not a terrorist. I tell myself this every time I pick up arms. I feel like I don't have a conscious. I am also fixing my sleep schedule. It is midnight right now. I took my 0.5mg of Brexpiprazole 2 hours ago along with 50mg of benadryl and 100mg of fluorophenibut, an herbal anxiety drug. I am going bowling tomorrow afternoon on base with my girl. I will check back here then. My question is when will this numb feeling go away? I'm trying to find studies on Anti-psychotics, PTSD, (Specifically) Brexpiprazole. Will I ever be normal again? Will I withdrawal or improve after ceasing use of medication once redeployed? I feel like I'm living in a cloud, a fantasy world. I feel undeserving of the happiness I have, knowing I've killed and that's what I'm trained to do. I need to wash my skin all the time. I feel 'Dirty' all the time. I am not depressed, and am motivated, I just can't find a healthy way to vent. I thought some might find this post interesting. I'll check back 1200 hours. 2nd Battalion FORECON SEMPER FI",3.1207914075749024,5.813756236794177,4.2862511776898415,81.19143442622953,78.61748633879782,7.574913636078137,28.40905093901137,8.53829466247534,2.5314960492431378,2310,104,414,52,58,753,286,549,0.106,0.769,0.124,0.8792,1,0,1,0,0,0,91.0,1,1,0,5,19,17,3,0,24,0,55,14,5,9,4,83,94,28,2,7,10,3,9,4,0,8,8,0,0,2,16,30,0,2,16,3,2,6,9,8,0,2,11,11,59,9,59,72,11,70,0,1,2,1,18,25,0,7,40,267,75,5,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06637871421382435,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11976682895273885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17185445365541074,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.061621820657511664,0.06666119668517301,0.0,0.0,0.07035446362433209,0.17273979049445773,0.0,0.0,0.1654034172002566,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04829294204544538,0.0,0.06449608658530005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07664529184104492,0.0,0.07663067621939892,0.0,0.0,0.08683979047282255,0.0,0.0,0.08423260176451428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06773540234610832,0.06309163716544973,0.0,0.13459891444574024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2650394789769502,0.1604879677182401,0.0,0.0,0.20532342383011085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07824590872039966,0.07183400494497456,0.12767215144294675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07971368893013046,0.0,0.07393085007415688,0.07685092832777964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05019208274253923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14748812631478272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08284626182773475,0.0,0.041153399247145485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07657230985664935,0.0,0.14633499913665926,0.07505181988027178,0.06612251592728925,0.06626855237288701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.067584274086592,0.07085552119210121,0.04998457199479703,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1508722453033276,0.0,0.07943837459322603,0.0,0.0,0.05977040353681477,0.07958812223290795,0.0,0.1665730140601316,0.0,0.0,0.07963826363718432,0.0,0.14673767223082407,0.0,0.08525408914267771,0.0785764641831523,0.07974729379268837,0.0507422405612134,0.05695142645400335,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14343324665296006,0.07618230401712045,0.0,0.07165232725944755,0.35013399311246185,0.0,0.08388540638204478,0.0,0.0749026470431004,0.0,0.04797157189905887,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0639491457666521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08459577814887581,0.0,0.06194348087100969,0.0,0.07493646196815215,0.07633315911074236,0.0,0.0,0.07406059133353424,0.0,0.10600427193637957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08497564061281708,0.0,0.0,0.1126044652864361,0.0,0.06545050314780322,0.0,0.17126906160798616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059448247505302726,0.3056516372198703,0.0,0.0,0.07155332578595082,0.08319708257858484,0.05084022251714086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19402300810597187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05943814998405152,0.060066130651945014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09644359882449068 ptsd,catsrcute2001,2019/10/09,"PTSD from a funeral / death When I was a child maybe around four or five? I Had a early realization and understanding of death because my great-grandmother passed away and my mom felt the need to explain to me what was going on since we were going to her funeral and wake. When the day arrived to go to the wake I didn't know what to expect, but when I got there and went down the aisle to go up to the casket I got really nervous. looking at her body inside the casket scared me because I knew that she wasn't alive or ever will be again. I started to think that one day this will be me, lying in a coffin pale as can be. for the most part of the day I simply played with my cousins as they were the same age as me and we didn't know what else to do besides play, I mean, that's what kids do. Anyway, towards the end of the time of being at the wake they moved my great grandma's casket from the front of the church to the back of the church. now my whole time there I tried to avoid getting close to her because obviously it scared me. After playing with my cousins I went up to look for my mom for some reason, when I couldn't find her I asked a relative where she is and the relative pointed to the back where the casket was, and my mom was standing right in front of it. The casket was really close to me and I freaked the crap out. I started bawling and I ran down the stairs and outside the church and hug my grandma. I can't remember for sure specifically what happened that scared me but all I can remember is that I saw her in the casket and it traumatized me. the next day at the funeral I couldn't even look in the direction of my great grandma because I was so scared. I have a weird memory of seeing her getting up out of the casket and walking around but I think that's just my mind playing tricks on me or something because it scared me so much.... Not long after that event, death really started to scare the shit out of me and at night I would have dreams of skeletons and me being buried alive trapped in a coffin. On long car rides when we passed a cemetery I couldn't even look at one because I was so scared of dying and the memories of the funeral. I started getting panic attacks whenever I thought about dying. For years the fear of dying has kept me awake at night and intruding on my thoughts. Now my grandma died two days ago, it was a very sad day and it has been painful for my family. the wake is going to be this Friday and the funeral is going to be this Saturday. Honestly I'm very very terrified of going to this funeral. it's just going to remind me of all the terror I experienced as a child. I have so much anxiety about it. Personally I am diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder so I won't be surprised if I get a panic attack when I'm there or something. I don't know what to do I really want to avoid going to the funeral but I have to because it's my grandma.... I want to be supportive to my dad and other relatives. Right now I'm feeling very paranoid that my dead grandma is watching me or becoming a weird ghost form and walking around my house it doesn't make my situation easier bc I'm home alone rn for the night. My question to you all is, how do I deal with this? I really want to feel okay and not have a panic attack or something. Please help and any advice is appreciated.",3.84462090386706,4.624142067153287,5.063677589687842,84.71724336077031,71.39416058394161,8.340736139152042,27.421183413573537,8.593345894127513,1.802872961640006,2616,88,553,43,47,869,247,685,0.233,0.6829999999999999,0.084,-0.9990000000000001,0,4,3,0,0,0,48.0,3,1,2,0,34,39,6,16,50,1,55,10,7,3,6,97,110,51,25,10,15,6,3,0,0,4,2,0,1,4,30,39,0,3,19,5,0,21,12,27,0,5,26,11,88,12,95,68,11,98,3,1,7,1,29,36,2,10,40,400,118,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05344113479156106,0.048478205694663774,0.0,0.0,0.05664096825522881,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03719017054412439,0.0,0.08367336479797786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14605353130280538,0.051126523458189216,0.18664876965413532,0.051381805139090686,0.08410442207189177,0.0,0.233363936836368,0.06039933867809363,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060746783021718424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21161800488072705,0.05638161677656155,0.0,0.05550784825018242,0.2270328184254942,0.0,0.06267795313271264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04568536578414234,0.0,0.04843792862839124,0.0,0.0,0.07224270071076315,0.0494690324547078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05155561034025506,0.061539957426396924,0.05530446891523543,0.0,0.05250969894942599,0.0,0.0499844530597819,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142902902727039,0.0,0.2797274800711229,0.0,0.08747904964310245,0.1808833532334065,0.0,0.0,0.04836100973537922,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036656662308918994,0.0,0.054857194446416235,0.0,0.0,0.06310338184246181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016638740445396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0967955029279958,0.18369883439945325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03650511148676094,0.0,0.0549421190657382,0.059571993505793175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05521996610345959,0.19215212588384106,0.0,0.05812540068236829,0.08040492913101922,0.04055095540002394,0.0,0.0,0.05816202033279566,0.15396483455015372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0741169154741568,0.0,0.05819260007595395,0.2566614808196881,0.0,0.059222499584675986,0.0,0.0,0.04775203667686597,0.0,0.06003173629835786,0.05169846951998205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06392812793918527,0.0,0.06126382581424415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17517480999463175,0.05622906052481217,0.0,0.0,0.123903203014961,0.09340764970190242,0.0,0.0,0.38327029007112706,0.0,0.04357978894325753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05613713323839472,0.045239032462049085,0.061472355767292326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12630602864462964,0.0,0.0,0.15483568672002487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.062060053941298425,0.051543423692552895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008458223541338,0.0,0.08683338943462514,0.06377880583966596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03713001666180411,0.0,0.053422883426091965,0.056932833541458276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18049551885221246,0.09677038243418072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10139388886610944,0.0,0.061057946336414474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03884926164482129,0.0,0.0,0.03521771005300348 ptsd,aimingfortime,2019/10/09,"Child of a parent with ptsd Hello, my mother who has raised me by herself almost all of her life persumably has ptsd.I am not sure if she diagnosed herself or was diagnosed by a psychiatrist. All my life i have witnessed some symptoms almost weekly, sometimes worse than others. Flashbacks that seem to be a symptom maybe most present in ptsd do not seem to accur to my knowledge. She gets stressed really easily and lets her anger out on me often because of something minor that i didn\`t do such as not have taken the trash out fast enough or not doing as well in school as she wants me to. She cannot calm herself down as well as others so she screams a lot (usually at me) because she can\`t deal with the stress i think. That behavior as well as some violence in extreme situations have been present throughout all my life and all those bad experiences have been piling up in me and also effect my mental health to some degree.Trying to calm her down or reason with her usually have no effect or worsen the situation. When asked if she did anything to react differently or better her reaction to me she replied with no. Moving out is not an option for me due to financial reasons. Me trying to avoid situations that trigger her does not work due to the impulsivity and sometimes randomness of her reactions. She does not want to get therapy by herself but is willing to do it with me (Pairtherapy?, Familytherapy?)so we made an appointment for next week. I am not sure though if this will actually solve anything. **So I guess my question is, how do I deal with this situation and how could I make her and my life easier as a whole?** I am thankful to any replies to my comment and sorry to any mistakes i made as English is not my frst language and I am really tired.",6.293713722175259,6.924097573964496,6.851048182586645,74.61135108481264,65.8639053254438,9.751704705550859,33.25500140884756,9.725611199111238,3.1873664130741046,1412,58,254,28,21,463,169,338,0.12300000000000001,0.835,0.042,-0.9465,2,1,1,0,0,0,33.0,1,0,0,4,12,16,1,3,11,0,30,10,0,11,6,74,44,33,0,7,18,2,0,0,0,2,10,1,0,1,11,18,0,1,9,0,0,1,12,7,3,0,7,1,50,9,53,32,11,24,0,0,0,0,32,12,0,22,11,206,61,2,0.0,0.0,0.08236171876368041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16902777764595914,0.0,0.0,0.06749423452789585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11478908263340655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13890716325587135,0.0,0.07890212171839685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07047004133407286,0.1028982805988044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07464448236518909,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06738611799501104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17402431805175692,0.0,0.1713273934044767,0.0,0.08817949421593982,0.0,0.0,0.1477171093043457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0872072253602262,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08255888748804126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08819049080955425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09297554369250943,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08971270169158932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08630418764525895,0.2384553979071913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175342066118114,0.0,0.15972165938611038,0.056337308994372864,0.0,0.08479062280729277,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08505482595998551,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08970329154731937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08975980562103042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09371563573541902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29597543060082104,0.0,0.09454673453952386,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813693750561157,0.1735534465302745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08541678072736149,0.0,0.15366823550689127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3794742117393547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06497484392183663,0.1669464897567834,0.09447830918304796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19335864084473287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15909102418428936,0.1754467536548796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07770370275161748,0.09651816210399644,0.0,0.0,0.05407977957511443,0.08292206164264987,0.0,0.0,0.09700478783754553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11460341505330796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18590820908400668,0.0,0.09956200131361938,0.0,0.1354003456501434,0.0,0.22765580838643934,0.0,0.0,0.09422900654786172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06144382742003893,0.0,0.08601028167107341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,CSQUITO,2019/10/16,"Who else struggles with autoimmune disease? How do you get rid of the thing? Also for anyone who might not be familiar with the relevance, sometimes prolonged stress or extreme trauma -> stress -> systemic inflammation -> messed up immune system. How tf do you get rid of it?? For me it’s given me awful rashes- it sounds superficial but I’ve been in physical discomfort for a solid three years (besides a 6 month break), plus self conscious which makes social anxiety worse, and also fear of intimacy etc. And I’m not being shallow about it but I genuinely don’t want people to be seeing broken skin/bruising/cuts for *their* sake. Any advice would be welcome. I understand this is one for medics, but 1) I’ve tried there and I found that doctors were defensive to my post (literally got offended by my symptoms 😹) and also autoimmune disease is so individual and unpredictable that sometimes experience is more useful than medicine",5.421071428571429,8.086802297619048,5.916095238095237,72.59557142857145,70.66666666666666,8.765714285714285,32.03333333333333,9.3871,3.4956161904761918,758,35,117,18,15,244,120,168,0.172,0.754,0.07400000000000001,-0.9499,0,0,0,0,0,0,31.0,0,2,1,0,8,10,2,5,4,1,14,5,1,4,0,25,25,16,0,2,6,0,0,0,0,2,4,1,0,1,11,8,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,9,0,2,5,2,10,1,18,14,2,8,0,0,1,0,8,2,0,2,2,79,21,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15334607419766688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.37648051332594135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.106714924260623,0.0,0.1200478064016084,0.0,0.0,0.10972616708530612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1606202043790707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1310913684488024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17501374689669796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1535035427273919,0.0,0.17658515139015565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17206103839007214,0.0,0.0,0.16397450578649092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12550789658223052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10474918911203428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15808623265475322,0.0,0.16647347353268546,0.0,0.0,0.12525667528036696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10633698240065252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10879258994615823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15029153675826107,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1250495442298639,0.0,0.1637078321812487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15996608953743674,0.0,0.0,0.310407254788657,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.359515944190978,0.1640529169369528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1631059905570136,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10425452766451893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10654231636714284,0.0,0.0,0.16336529062460156,0.0,0.13553350535370354,0.0,0.0,0.09255890181952607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1599207953159868,0.11147558490191484,0.0,0.0,0.10105506928181077 ptsd,Cryptoboy88,2019/10/16,"Helping others Hello everyone, a close friend of mine has been dealing with PTSD for the past few years. After some close calls, they still have been struggling with ptsd until today. I'm personally someone that a massive advocate for mental health in general and believe that everyone is in need of a support system where they can talk to others about their issues and keep each other motivated. As a side project, I've been helping my friend by putting together a free chat group for people to support one another. If anyone's interested in joining here it is - http://jungle.gg",7.510832177531206,9.132969902912622,6.989348127600558,71.1601941747573,63.56310679611651,9.380859916782248,36.0735090152566,9.606745405546679,3.7922188626907065,472,22,71,9,7,147,78,103,0.025,0.752,0.223,0.9657,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,3,1,4,7,0,1,6,0,8,1,0,1,0,13,13,5,0,2,1,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,1,6,7,0,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,0,1,3,0,5,7,17,10,3,15,0,0,0,0,14,7,0,2,6,52,11,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1747072609287009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11649901883731086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18771472483047846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17012953074290224,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17176970698212238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3184099063366254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2574481120767017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17710081734158276,0.0,0.0,0.22335308931272616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17389969236497785,0.0,0.14809244483456938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1679057581850944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12354072346862585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11290063660170772,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15905005366278227,0.11550781661446168,0.1454792149769397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.389521139400684,0.1674911281660572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14116984874824598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1330565978423901,0.0,0.0,0.1741790893478974,0.0,0.0,0.37813875834873295,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13391645412525666,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15792874135999152,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10729269719878852 ptsd,justapen,2019/10/16,"Don't you hate it when you see the look of someone who realises you are considered ""fucked up"" in their mind? When you know you have been through a lot of shit and that you're trying every single day to keep going and heal and get better at coping and respond better to things, whether that be anger towards you or even people showing affection to you, but then it just happens. You open up to someone and you find yourself casually saying stories you have told many times before but then you realise... This person hasn't filed me as broken in their head. They are doing it right now. It's the look of pity and shock and confusion on their face. They don't know how to react. Most of the times I just regret opening up which creates confusing social relationships. Like I tell them some difficult stuff and then I just withdraw for a long while or even forever because I (possibly falslely) judged that they couldn't handle it.",5.663135593220339,6.808926118644072,5.5625,81.4535805084746,67.47457627118644,8.385875706214689,29.43926553672317,8.59863814320734,2.1863977401129944,741,26,136,11,12,231,114,177,0.154,0.763,0.083,-0.9408,0,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,11,7,2,9,14,4,2,5,0,11,5,3,3,0,33,23,21,0,2,8,0,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,13,10,0,1,3,2,0,1,4,10,0,0,2,4,23,4,20,19,4,23,0,2,3,1,26,11,2,7,12,102,36,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10065255872452672,0.0,0.1405006859310163,0.0,0.0,0.29206156219529256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064855019054912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2181137729333469,0.0,0.1391164912520727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15091209959782853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15264613756123147,0.08626576171630057,0.0,0.09383864770523796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1460106307276847,0.0,0.0,0.1630168580128718,0.1694556042410001,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14676178000930246,0.0,0.0,0.18148574877983234,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08066683851411993,0.0,0.0,0.14612156064827553,0.2773099943670391,0.0,0.0,0.14037485067304653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16740067299830189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1667190599130339,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1144699366011771,0.14417203097850206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861423299666962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1772716950097864,0.0,0.14100728998828105,0.0,0.13130605861943992,0.0,0.0,0.13157526084343482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16948815329192202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1683139277845203,0.2798027719655861,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1890171476699913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1443177694807283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10969505531626116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19255974427877906,0.0,0.0,0.15777443838799424,0.0,0.11210223238480836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,escapingtheasylum,2019/10/16,"Will I ever stop flinching? A colleague of mine noticed something today. I flinch any time a man touches me - totally benign touch from a handshake to a tap in the shoulder to get my attention. I left an abusive relationship more than a year ago. My ex would mostly not listen when I said no and occasionally he’d hit me. Often while drunk. I was shocked that it’s so obvious. I don’t even know I do it. I don’t date because I’m scared to go out more than necessary. I had a friend with whom I had some intimacy but only because I’ve known him for a long time. He helped me to open my eyes while being intimate. The first few times, they were sealed shut. Anyone new is horrifying and I feel like I’ll be alone forever. When will my body stop remembering the pain?",1.9689247311827955,4.096624387096778,3.8180645161290334,86.09376344086023,79.32258064516128,6.972043010752689,24.526881720430108,8.021203637495839,1.4297655913978495,600,22,125,11,15,202,111,155,0.175,0.778,0.048,-0.9525,0,1,1,0,1,0,16.0,0,0,1,1,6,6,0,1,11,0,14,5,3,0,3,21,22,8,0,1,2,1,3,1,1,3,1,2,0,1,4,5,1,2,5,1,0,1,4,3,0,1,5,6,22,3,12,10,6,23,0,0,1,0,12,5,0,3,18,82,26,0,0.0,0.21498590191453326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1608424740051992,0.0,0.0,0.1879251373617519,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12339068563444565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12687247901361742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2212177169189606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20154753520808885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11984452131254665,0.16412986934321558,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09174542948120344,0.12962630205378034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15433935535954246,0.0,0.0,0.14018607419415385,0.0,0.09479895542141284,0.0,0.10312093237952116,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12162059568942885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09971893289936662,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1971435009402845,0.0,0.0,0.0886462007190667,0.0,0.0,0.1605755404972639,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17524335842787975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20657945516384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379991829832597,0.19307318888747274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19480696835411546,0.2055449188405961,0.0,0.17259835231081955,0.0,0.181660842034589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13968733535593705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3033968714662981,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31741090991363685,0.0,0.17199124184748413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12889526884688648,0.0,0.0,0.11684639587117335 ptsd,SgtRandiTibbs,2019/10/16,"Productively using your assault anniversary I've been getting more stressed as the weeks have grown closer to the date of my most recent assault. I've been having flashbacks and panic attacks and started to feel suicidal because I can't seem to get my mind off of the pain. Especially from sexual assault and emotional abuse that occurred during a long term relationship. After taking a few hours to panic and cry I finally decided to try something new. I scheduled my first self defense class. The instructor is experienced with clients who have PTSD so I am hopeful. As I'm not in great shape currently he said he could start the sessions slower and invited me to some group sessions for when I feel more comfortable. I still feel embarrassed and intimidated but I think something good can come from this. I couldn't find the number for my sexual assault recovery program and that gave me the push to sign up for something new. There really arent a lot of people I can share this with, or who would understand but this seems like the place. Stay strong friends",6.379054945054946,8.097090835897442,6.301630036630037,74.69134615384618,66.28205128205127,9.673992673992675,33.92857142857143,9.957137785484203,3.6177032967032967,863,39,144,20,14,272,128,195,0.17300000000000001,0.7070000000000001,0.11900000000000001,-0.7643,3,0,3,0,1,0,11.0,0,1,0,2,5,19,6,4,11,0,14,1,0,1,0,34,32,14,1,4,4,0,3,1,1,1,1,1,0,1,7,10,0,1,9,0,0,3,4,11,0,1,4,5,16,8,23,25,7,27,0,0,0,0,12,6,0,7,18,93,23,4,0.0,0.15625322270450526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15002964666952154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039127421867437,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113600752646919,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1052934190686919,0.0,0.1448611948799086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14834438977880915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20004361537919804,0.0,0.0,0.1444653088757162,0.12053360724677373,0.11217489821565872,0.0,0.0,0.10188819674248904,0.0,0.13780105729449355,0.0,0.0,0.11061255469991334,0.0,0.1453953627676912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13098407192639086,0.1298727312196334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06442866448224642,0.0,0.0,0.11670740019124548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1121174986196598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331586383176801,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2547361410033544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1403269131270597,0.30945956423185705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09142722430221824,0.0,0.1377838746910995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15415769090895964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08448407636737791,0.0,0.13021307973993734,0.14158703589189814,0.0,0.0,0.12544566198007984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24011256917888424,0.1375769498664598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3045771298396192,0.0,0.0,0.18668708676850934,0.1405638231364044,0.1053175081339316,0.0,0.15106518231636715,0.0,0.0,0.14425253423072765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09915543589633406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08450174996527599,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08953613716703915,0.0,0.0,0.13728908445441373,0.0,0.11389978123116215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10578414190324624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09368196225581492,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,techgineer13,2019/10/16,"Do I have PTSD? Over the past few years, some pretty upsetting things happened to me. Now, I'll have times when my thoughts involuntarily jump to memories of those events, especially when I'm reading or thinking about even slightly related topics. Sometimes, this causes my breathing to speed up and my stomach to turn. Do these symptoms mean I have PTSD?",6.251904761904763,8.543656095238095,5.806539682539682,75.87457142857146,67.4126984126984,8.214603174603175,34.822222222222216,8.841846274778883,3.2101326984126985,286,14,47,5,5,88,50,63,0.049,0.895,0.055999999999999994,0.1179,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,0,5,1,0,1,1,0,5,3,2,1,0,7,11,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,4,1,0,0,3,1,0,1,0,1,0,0,1,0,6,0,8,10,2,11,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,2,8,32,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24661658209312398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15856304612937258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21229187010145945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2615050838726592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22917264298532425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2442360723738105,0.0,0.0,0.5612546928426361,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24013356592756055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23743398389367826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24952319597841804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15949091047626485,0.15382626530594254,0.0,0.19058765244141698,0.1399859312142875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26112569931714663,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15459630741277886 ptsd,osteopilusocellatus,2019/10/16,"advice regarding flashback type happenings? in my childhood i had a traumatic experience where i was restrained and violated. (i won’t go further into detail but i have spoken out and gotten professional help.) i have what i can only think to call flashbacks, where i re-experience the entire event. sometimes this includes smells, voices, tastes, but mostly just feeling all the physical feelings again. is there any way i can help myself deal with this?? the majority of it i’ve learned to cope with but the physical memory of it is absolutely overwhelming. it’s like, logically i know nothing is happening but in every other way it’s like i’m back in that situation, going through everything all over again. • tl;dr: any advice for easing flashbacks where one re-experiences physical feelings? • (i’m sorry if this sounds kind of unemotional or anything, i’m just trying to not relive to much of it alone)",4.368868184955144,7.514974503105591,5.7082712215320885,70.06819013112492,77.26086956521739,8.54672187715666,30.06245686680469,9.150863307647796,3.5493930986887507,729,34,109,20,18,243,104,161,0.038,0.86,0.102,0.9012,0,1,0,0,0,0,25.0,0,0,0,0,9,5,1,1,5,0,10,1,0,0,2,26,23,8,0,1,9,0,3,2,0,1,0,2,0,0,11,6,1,1,7,0,0,2,2,2,0,1,3,7,11,3,18,19,5,19,0,1,0,0,4,10,0,3,7,78,22,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3071401061085716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16276519078287185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21374158635796764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12932517949296046,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1208424990417684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1604728321453686,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16201991056953086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13240987062481258,0.0,0.14124078601149767,0.4611832547525053,0.0,0.0,0.2383868790935449,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17862962313711744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27794330564978165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21067537572060194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16365275512217176,0.0863682813586876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15355599548602225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.115527011922907,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15079446678509606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10649229929323692,0.11952346376585515,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664881132063354,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15543031941229354,0.1759221627869884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1006985822265835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10669793317263522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2494846576552732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ok_so_that_exists,2019/10/16,"Bruh, I had a severe PTSD for 10 years and I overcame it and I didn't know what it was until yesterday Yeet, so just like what the title says. I had it during my child years and teenage until early 20 but I had no Idea what PTSD was. Maturing and knowledge had fixed for me. And you can do it yourself, let go and take it easy, you will have ups and downs, probably, but not forever. I hope everyone gets better.",1.5034411764705882,3.4120710352941184,3.130220588235293,91.54474264705885,79.82352941176471,6.602941176470589,21.213235294117645,7.645422480735847,0.7200882352941171,318,9,70,5,8,105,58,85,0.087,0.804,0.109,0.4367,0,0,0,0,0,0,11.0,0,2,0,1,2,3,0,0,2,0,12,0,0,0,0,15,17,12,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,1,0,1,0,1,8,7,0,0,3,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,7,1,10,3,6,8,0,9,0,0,0,0,4,2,0,1,7,51,18,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21514068029055586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2324420903053061,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709152496430107,0.0,0.1382483223954768,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2416086752017093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2746070737609671,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1336874567199154,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2487463380224857,0.0,0.11884287945574712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2622717403334249,0.0,0.5687078577553975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1934473990026013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2748106994041288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18289867732486048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3132985289096452 ptsd,filthycig,2019/10/16,"TW CAR ACCIDENT. i need advice. hi so yesterday i was hit by a car while on my way to work, i immediately told the driver to take me home and ever since then i have been shaking violently, indoors, not able to move my upper right leg and lower back much ( thats what was hit on impact) and ive had alot of flashbacks to the moment and i cant seem to stop. i didnt go to the hospital because it wasnt that bad and honestly im terrified of hospitals. but i dont know what to do, ive been absolutely miserable and barely talking to anyone except my gf. i dont know how to cope with what happened. beforehand, i did have twitches/ticks associated with my learning disability, but now i keep flinching on my right side even when nothing comes close. i dont know whats wrong with me but im fucking terrified of going outside, let alone out of my room. what should i do to help myself heal from this?",3.5579251559251546,4.431740659459461,5.523243243243249,80.81022869022874,72.13513513513513,8.71933471933472,28.284823284823283,9.057496981413335,2.1931954261954263,702,26,147,14,13,244,111,185,0.127,0.805,0.068,-0.8947,1,1,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,0,0,1,7,7,2,2,5,0,20,3,1,1,1,29,35,14,0,2,5,0,0,0,1,1,1,0,2,0,9,12,0,2,5,0,0,7,7,6,0,0,9,0,23,1,24,22,2,27,0,1,0,1,5,10,1,2,9,99,32,2,0.1476188244431756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1442514067698007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15288858261502705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10321851435929638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11350976403056535,0.12325555236763534,0.08998706523216794,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12716054619379366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5190244885192952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09750084131842644,0.13352967804604654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364712244996691,0.0,0.0,0.1677903596164019,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1305388389364458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09894578635298916,0.0,0.1480737170197521,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3189073238321716,0.0,0.0,0.13121039384037056,0.0,0.0,0.2433823360445784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1509502494744974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568954486126292,0.10851682120536844,0.10945748785328197,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14164424335493858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2521313389978369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13438663359775754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12211181703023555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12341594716789793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11099098459189208,0.11865041938573745,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14105611282119804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1171729517522978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10746826232634556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16139801093732234,0.0,0.0 ptsd,WordstringNumALLCAPS,2019/10/16,"how do you deal with work/life responsibilities while having anxiety? last month my sister (35) had a panic attack, so she went to 2 psychologists. and they diagnosed her with ptsd. they brought childhood memories to the forefront an made them more stressful. they suggested a 14,000 dollar treatment program. Since getting a diagnosis and having the memories brought up my sister, who has decided she cant go to work anymore. and is on the verge of losing a well paying career with the federal government. And because myself sister has no savings, her psychological problems are on the verge of causing her real life survival problems. I guess my question is, how did you deal with your condition while still dealing with the critical work/life issues? how can I suggest she chill out? tell her that she needs to meeting her daily survival needs while pursuing treatment? I dont want to downplay her condition but she has happily thrived with her upbringing until now. she should be able to keep it together and take nursing her mental health one day at a time right?",6.826507936507938,8.855754164021164,6.657010582010585,71.38011904761909,65.56084656084657,9.421164021164019,36.25132275132274,9.784248007369934,3.9944751322751326,863,43,132,19,14,272,120,189,0.099,0.867,0.034,-0.7365,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,3,4,4,7,8,1,2,12,0,16,3,0,5,0,30,28,14,0,6,1,3,0,0,0,1,3,0,0,0,3,12,0,1,2,0,2,4,3,6,1,1,6,0,28,2,20,20,1,23,0,1,0,0,33,8,0,2,11,98,31,5,0.14017943478135111,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10723688391974796,0.0,0.13902033196533042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1594743440240536,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08545208234423815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1440028937229036,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09040413867867468,0.4335565260037417,0.0,0.1422791755491504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1642892535617899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07323796898044932,0.0,0.07966720322258407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1544234513808765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14900418408668412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14631091015120282,0.0,0.1245979224896336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11426494884673065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09901288038446653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1568249310095829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13264117058705108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14126789970467155,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1118898874526566,0.0,0.0,0.2078825493664065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09498921288013036,0.0,0.0,0.1644703633694236,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2682655748791268,0.1638622577584422,0.0,0.15703304852586805,0.0,0.0,0.15955488596505424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11971247137585488,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11595787702544284,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1119474776935448,0.0,0.16057506892516593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10539748940966696,0.0,0.12252300465759433,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08173975571415876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08268146255796041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1260381467417714,0.12994774043997304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3061568941495023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,iamnotstephanie,2019/10/16,"Therapist offered to look away and it worked My new therapist has been really great. Today in our third session she asked if I would be more comfortable talking if she wasn't looking at me. I'm never comfortable with eye contact so I always look away, but no one has ever noticed before that I don't like being looked at. She turned away and I looked at the wall for the whole session and it really helped! I am so glad for this. It made such a huge difference for me and I feel a lot better about our sessions in general. I feel kind of stupid but holy shit! A small thing makes a huge difference!",2.135249999999999,4.416880691666666,3.3550000000000004,88.82000000000002,79.58333333333334,7.0,22.5,8.07648339933343,1.2534999999999994,473,15,96,9,12,153,79,120,0.115,0.711,0.174,0.7789,0,0,0,0,0,0,9.0,2,0,0,2,5,9,2,0,6,0,9,2,2,2,2,18,21,10,0,3,4,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,4,2,0,2,3,8,15,7,15,15,3,16,0,0,6,0,10,12,1,3,5,70,21,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11047748349231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12412450756525935,0.0,0.3742328343087557,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11297974853588626,0.0,0.0,0.11742662192419223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2774383263347701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.120100466017251,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13426768545832438,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14638231866225326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08899471057916765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13826228649423347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06486601165054033,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5574779443685218,0.0,0.0,0.11287856158645487,0.0,0.12563269457799986,0.08862677687472043,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10240245516880046,0.1282326556271428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15116254545286728,0.0,0.0,0.08997018585675119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17011512270106266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13628922031124333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671762914350293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30831856717101425,0.08820825096431377,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1258529503461303,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14441851983801052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14823592549083334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09666007269939958,0.0,0.0,0.09431788325840043,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,simplylib,2019/10/16,"Guilt for Having PTSD Hi. I just joined this community because I was feeling alone in my mental struggle. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD but I feel extremely guilty saying I have it. Mainly, because when I read the things most people who have PTSD have gone through, I feel like I don’t deserve to have it. You are all so strong and amazing and I don’t think I could have survived or functioned through even half of the stuff you guys have. The reason I have PTSD is because I experienced loss and change and ups and downs very quickly and simultaneously all at once and I think the whiplash is getting me. But, mostly, I was in a very toxic job and I had two bosses that just sucked the life out of me. They teased me for having anxiety and tried to ruin my chances of ever being hired anywhere else. They were controlling and condescending and two faced and I got to a point where I could barely walk in the work building without thinking I was having a heart attack. I’m finally out of that job and on to better things, but the PTSD still gets me. I still get really really angry out of nowhere. I cry uncontrollably for what feels like no reason. I remember all the things that were said to me by my previous bosses and I swear it feels like I’m reliving it all over again. I can’t make it go away. I’m sorry I’m posting this. I feel weak and dumb for saying it on a forum where, like I said, so many people have it a million times worse. I feel pathetic that just a little job situation has given me diagnosed PTSD ... and I haven’t been in war or gone through abuse ... like how can I even have the right to say that??? I wish I was stronger mentally. I wish I wasn’t frail and scared and pathetic ... and I wish my body and mind didn’t see all this as traumatic to me. I’m mad tonight ... and I feel like my mental progress is like taking 5 steps forward and 7 steps back. And I don’t know ... I’m just inspired by so many of you sharing your experiences. Thank you for this forum and I’m sorry that I hardly have any right to be in it.",2.8270034100596746,4.450776983091789,3.9800795680591072,88.21501278772381,75.06280193236715,7.09281045751634,24.253765274225632,7.827709963407826,1.116823756749076,1597,50,340,23,34,520,189,414,0.18600000000000005,0.647,0.16699999999999998,-0.8684,3,1,0,0,1,0,46.0,0,5,2,7,19,26,6,4,15,0,39,7,3,7,6,73,76,35,1,5,10,0,9,7,0,0,4,5,0,1,24,28,0,1,16,1,0,7,9,13,0,4,17,16,55,13,42,55,8,40,0,2,1,0,17,22,2,4,19,236,79,8,0.0,0.08087199459779035,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07069245265929328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.046416303456091684,0.0,0.0522155213976129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765085778685897,0.06412859700732401,0.0524845183521873,0.0,0.12482435719006765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.060366732886097285,0.0,0.07581683744558441,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07220561535042501,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07655471472260872,0.10899344884821507,0.0,0.07497582172696933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13855645676689196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570189856812668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09016466097405852,0.06174130391181368,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06676729679738763,0.0,0.0,0.2760975789128902,0.1950479079059313,0.0,0.07477092297199815,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698255851815552,0.0,0.03879135986149971,0.0,0.054590420733177526,0.0,0.0,0.06758400062975291,0.0,0.0,0.061143814845250485,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08088348451233641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20320013095847494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03751161788246464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.048211109698258654,0.2334244478952813,0.068410270846037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04556129503244922,0.13840139230761514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20635746126338345,0.0,0.06891892846934572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0726902289151598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09463999349111374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06452381944868793,0.0,0.06537021532261805,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4787244601018174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0682742987375652,0.0,0.0874528620827594,0.1403567178200514,0.0673943954500353,0.0,0.07732054715238157,0.11658020789498084,0.1298538452183456,0.16283932142441415,0.06833599089437865,0.0,0.05439105759793971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0767224101882012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15281362193873174,0.0,0.0,0.1090183844075618,0.0,0.0,0.07135581108417073,0.07813659269997758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05131988791882157,0.0,0.0,0.06284079572444247,0.0,0.0,0.1360384171082641,0.1312067351011236,0.0,0.0,0.039800522054728685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04634122660608028,0.0,0.13335205148698398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11263641243012025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2354725001237428,0.06579618222763768,0.0,0.049691055518589024,0.0,0.06955851972679862,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,idagotten,2019/10/16,"Significant other of 17.5 years has been diagnosed with PTSD for a year now due to traumatic event (he’s a civilian). I’m at a loss. Some background information. He (32 m) and I (31 f) have been together almost 18 years now. We moved to our current location after I accepted a job position about two years ago, and he had his little brother move down about four months after that. We all got really close. Flash forward to October 2018. He and his brother work out of town, on the morning of the incident his little brother was killed right in front of him for absolutely no reason, seriously, no reason. He blames himself, has been in and out of rehab centers (he uses illicit drugs, and most recently, alcohol) to numb himself and avoid reality. Our family lives about 14 hours from us, so really it’s just him and me. Please understand I am not trying to portray myself as a victim. I just honestly don’t know what to do. He doesn’t want to face what happened and work through the trauma, he just tries numbing it. Everything gets taken out on me. I listen, boy do I listen, to every detail of what happened that morning. I understand it is good for him to get it out, but I am not a licensed therapist. He refuses to see a professional. Lately, his drinking has increased so much he drinks straight liquor like it’s water and I become his verbal punching bag. He blacks out every night not remembering what he said/did. It’s getting to be a lot. I know this isn’t him, that it’s his PTSD. I don’t want this to be the end of our relationship, but in all honesty, I’m at such a loss. It’s a lot on my shoulders to take care of everything that isn’t related to him and his PTSD and then adding that on top of my regular responsibilities. I have no support from his family, it’s kind of like an out of sight out of mind ordeal. Honestly, at this point, I’m just looking for some help or guidance. Like I said, I don’t want the relationship to end, and his brother wouldn’t want his death to result in the either. But there is only so much I can do to help him without him getting the actual help he needs, professional help. What am I doing wrong? Are there things I could be doing different? Is it selfish to want to put “me” first in my own life? Sorry for the rambling. I start therapy for myself next week but it’s been a pretty rough week so far, I figured I’d try reddit as one of my last resorts. Thanks all.",2.8874056269608346,4.701686367219921,4.662927841311606,82.57061076814088,75.36929460580913,7.938953547211821,26.07145025807105,8.700769036622559,1.9621132881287324,1887,69,376,39,41,640,229,482,0.086,0.772,0.142,0.9825,3,1,4,0,0,0,66.0,6,0,0,6,16,22,2,1,20,0,35,13,2,4,3,69,67,24,2,8,14,4,1,3,0,1,7,3,0,1,26,23,5,2,10,3,0,6,14,11,0,4,9,8,53,11,70,53,13,62,0,2,4,0,54,31,0,7,30,257,79,5,0.0,0.0,0.0798163013092809,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0725028626376055,0.08740979654418593,0.0819019578072313,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0903318283511072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08339146314100421,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0653035266709897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08301623047560566,0.0,0.08545427639549345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16024825193432976,0.09485169266533083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488525041185504,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13782503494277018,0.0,0.14701710813190025,0.0,0.15421071308787646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06957145586337954,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17092986627114445,0.0,0.0,0.06860248228124934,0.06541580313316213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14465517424239396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2192913631231357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08054774402854778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08116503216063202,0.0,0.09048971816456773,0.08517282958876035,0.0899004835518468,0.06667065149999124,0.09226390743739718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05777146280420325,0.11987697939548625,0.16395231067456825,0.0722230273109252,0.0,0.06868391252472578,0.0,0.0,0.13907171267022972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08258568071740861,0.0,0.06528486441398124,0.173861960484788,0.12025171824406823,0.060647053806185514,0.0,0.0,0.08698574772907648,0.07675539341479247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05542375655971643,0.0622058064564068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08978205089005374,0.07731901336839876,0.0,0.0,0.0832109387623427,0.0,0.0,0.2868282073709803,0.08222263215517958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10479492798560776,0.16818971713389186,0.08075882995271748,0.17562603354348102,0.09265335607854296,0.06984914043945385,0.1556041052771158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06517690591581936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915584243036817,0.05789215155964913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09281555498419844,0.0,0.0,0.06149671755274215,0.0,0.0,0.07530224289594167,0.09353523486335688,0.09496575474976976,0.054338363108290176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16659233520636132,0.0,0.07989800619153506,0.1702948098295797,0.09838460563839647,0.07064123728945118,0.0,0.0,0.24121250791900545,0.0,0.1312157510554324,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07884368806304085,0.0,0.1190897692901457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08942571262596004,0.0,0.2106831107129852 ptsd,MsKiono,2019/10/16,"Overcoming fear of yelling The first thing I remember ever being afraid of was my father's raised voice. I grew up in a household where his sudden and violent tempers constantly had us all on edge. I could never get over that fear or my response to it. Fast forward to now. I'm an adult and this fear is interfering with my life. I want to stop being afraid of hearing grown men yell. Not only do I feel like I am weak, it upsets my SO because of how I react. I'll cry and immediately start shutting down during an argument. I don't want this to cripple me further or make arguments worse. Is there a way to get over this fear?",3.2407874015748,4.740720362204726,4.693708661417325,84.03111417322836,73.7244094488189,7.599685039370079,26.87322834645669,8.238735603445708,1.7308022047244087,494,18,100,8,10,165,90,127,0.271,0.6920000000000001,0.036000000000000004,-0.986,0,0,0,0,1,0,11.0,1,0,0,1,6,11,2,7,5,0,10,2,0,3,3,19,19,7,0,3,3,1,1,1,0,0,2,4,0,2,7,4,0,1,2,0,0,3,3,10,0,1,2,5,15,1,16,14,1,22,0,0,0,0,6,10,0,2,11,68,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09875691923770867,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1750701617456425,0.0,0.12934803912852433,0.0,0.17795520051739533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14654305701167233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.7292039518168613,0.08191474078925845,0.1157366093575374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13780161430764634,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1692821518052506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18259173256291733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114429125228696,0.07914759999398803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10813978702170396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1249484645944776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12321232095293785,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1835204090556484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11466817593020613,0.0,0.0,0.1354436739953652,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10762911401281844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19487241299960376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19110983129465434,0.128592256044695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16509722788704145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Some-Pig,2019/06/14,"Getting help I was in an abusive relationship for 4 years, and was abused through my childhood. The relationship caused most of my trauma, I think, and it ended 6 years ago. I have nightmares every night, and heightened fear/paranoia if I encounter a trigger. I'm finally ready to unpack all of it. I emailed my therapist today, letting her know that I want to try EMDR or any other coping mechanism or techniques that she would recommend. I feel extremely anxious now, and chewed my fingers and knuckles pretty badly. Ow. My chest also feels really tight, but I know this is a step in the right direction. Wish me strength, please.",5.519062801932368,7.5504975826087,5.708115942028988,76.89685990338167,68.82608695652175,8.241545893719808,33.647342995169076,8.841846274778883,3.1509227053140094,502,24,82,9,9,159,87,115,0.08900000000000001,0.747,0.165,0.8369,0,0,0,0,1,0,18.0,0,0,0,1,2,3,0,0,5,0,6,3,2,2,1,22,15,10,0,4,4,0,4,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,6,5,1,1,5,0,0,1,0,2,0,0,2,4,16,1,8,11,2,13,0,0,0,0,6,3,0,4,9,54,22,0,0.0,0.4045326147636754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15132626371065125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13651866382579053,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11609030232370472,0.0,0.0,0.19285644780233505,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1425377434082854,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1753686843875625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15120053756495522,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14383258001775484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1920989379207629,0.17263466185518594,0.0,0.0,0.18700711617530835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08919019566393434,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11442493936862776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18763816747044693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17456501969855528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16020204558208978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1873909776139577,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17367590747003078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10936275017962882,0.0,0.0,0.3665625121493027,0.0,0.14578747737086864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19821028196603774,0.0,0.1093856282574254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1618154171073834,0.0,0.0,0.11590253006339148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10069061070349067,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1963108627276688,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12126920805724944,0.0,0.0,0.2198664081064653 ptsd,Im_Zackie,2019/06/14,"My boyfriend was just in a very serious accident and can't see fire without crying. Yesterday morning, by boyfriend was on his way to work (mom's car) and it caught on fire. It was a KIA SUV, so it was basically a ticking time bomb anyway, but neither of them were aware, and I'm sure even if they were they couldn't do anything about it. They're incredibly poor. Here's the issue: He works in food service and encounters flames all day long. After the accident, every time hes seen fire he couldn't help but get so overwhelmed by anxiety that he would start crying, even if it was just in a photo. He has no mode of transportation, he's already working a job, about to start a second to pay for a place to live closer to his first job so he can support himself (mom is present physically, but a leech financially so in that sense, I'm glad he's out of that house). Getting to a treatment center another town over to get diagnosed even isn't exactly easy or a financially secure option. Is it too soon to say it's PTSD for sure? Is there anything I can do from a far (Its an hour and half drive, so we don't get to see each other often) to help? Is there anything I should avoid saying? This all happened so fast, and it's new territory for me. I have no idea what to do.",5.261474358974361,4.9939750192307715,6.101538461538464,82.19012820512822,68.03846153846155,9.394871794871797,30.794871794871803,9.029198982220553,2.280979487179488,995,35,213,16,15,329,146,260,0.14400000000000002,0.7490000000000001,0.107,-0.8753,2,1,0,0,0,0,32.0,1,0,3,4,20,8,0,2,14,0,26,2,0,0,5,31,40,18,0,6,9,2,3,0,0,2,1,2,0,0,15,9,1,2,1,0,2,4,9,3,0,3,9,8,13,5,32,27,4,32,0,1,3,0,21,13,0,5,14,138,28,7,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13297251030620097,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12635263179481698,0.09218062003276174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29747869568932783,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647227318340558,0.07771122446232674,0.0,0.0,0.12230290680290465,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2387633254777507,0.0,0.10152473984389083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10249551483913273,0.14570662805349258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25182087146845017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10655596015723796,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16153450351261034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11866623158711695,0.13903848323649165,0.0,0.1360275451988476,0.0,0.12576857814507886,0.2391512914312221,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10640191836736462,0.1066369148393718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.282251540815512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11637769383163148,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12589473578879026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14085568293317235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1916496501785758,0.0,0.0,0.1920425681642222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17057817191302047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13673967254424985,0.22713582828000206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14052667492084925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09942344783852933,0.0,0.0956456827726382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1161557466284248,0.0,0.2631718798461713,0.0,0.0,0.08559830323259958,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,drummergal95,2019/06/14,"NSFW New Here, Felt Like Sharing My Story. I (F24) have recently been diagnosed with PTSD caused by a 5 year abusive relationship with my now ex. Having a shitty day and feel like venting/telling my story. Thankyou so much anyone who reads. I've found this subreddit so helpful and supportive! Il try and keep things as simple as I can. I met my ex when I was 18 years old at University. He was my first proper boyfriend, I was recovering from an eating disorder at the time and was not mentally in a good place. My ex was already an alcoholic and I was naive and had no confidence. The relationship was unhealthy and dramatic from the start and as the years went on, things only got worse. My ex was a binge drinker mainly. He would drink nothing for days/weeks/months at a time but as soon as he touched drink he couldn't handle himself. He often drank for days on end and would continually wake up, drink and then pass out again repeatedly. Meanwhile his behaviour would become worse and worse. During this time, I had no friends and limited contact with my family who had no idea what was going on. I always covered for him. (NSFW!!) He was a complete monster after a few drinks. It was like he was allergic to alcohol, it sent him insane. He would send me out alone at any hour of the day or night to buy him booze and threaten me until I did. He would take my phone to stop me having any communication, lock me out of the house or inside. He used to scream and scream at me for literally days, the most hurtful combination of words he could come up with. He loved to watch me cry and taunted me. The violence began very slowly at first but by the end of our relationship he was hitting me multiple times a week. He has kicked me, spat on me, punched and slapped me, dragged me round by my hair, strangled me, bit me, tried to kill me, headbutted me and so many things I couldn't list them all. He would also attack his own mother, nothing was off limits. It broke my heart. I felt like a piece of shit and was so embarrassed. Nobody knew what was going on, other than myself and his family, who always covered for him. He was violent and nasty to me when drunk, so I stayed as I believed I could help him to become sober. I had to stop him killing himself many times, I ran in to moving traffic to pull him out, I stopped him from slitting his throat/wrists hundreds of times. I was at a loss of what to do. I called police/ambulance a dozen times, persuaded him to go to therapy/support groups/AA. I finally left at the end of last year. He was arrested for beating me up badly one night and was lucky to not end up in prison. After this incident, he went straight back to drinking after making false promises and I realised there would be nothing that would scare him into sorting his life out. I know he would have ended up in prison for murder if I hadn't left. Anyway I fell in love with a man from work, who I confided in and he admitted he has feelings for me too. I realised that not all men were like my ex and that it was possible to be happy. I also couldn't bear anymore pain from him, I prayed that I wouldn't wake up ever single morning. I am extremely lucky to now have a wonderful gorgeous man who is the complete opposite of my ex. Who actually cares about me and is my absolute rock. Im still taking life one day at a time. Today I feel like all the painful memories are overwhelming. I wish I could turn my head off sometimes. I doubt anyone has read this far, but as this is by far the most personal thing I have ever wrote..thankyou so much to anyone who has. Edit: Sorry for the gory details, I just wanted to tell the truth about my experience.",3.8153719008264417,5.23417034435262,4.754969696969699,84.48245454545456,72.14049586776859,7.924628099173553,26.97410468319559,8.465940331813641,1.7899876584022043,2874,100,579,48,55,935,332,726,0.191,0.701,0.10800000000000001,-0.997,0,1,8,0,1,1,89.0,1,0,1,7,26,37,6,4,31,0,64,26,7,3,6,99,100,50,3,19,10,7,8,6,1,10,8,2,0,4,28,37,11,6,11,9,1,13,11,18,0,5,41,11,93,19,100,40,13,110,1,4,2,2,76,40,1,11,62,395,121,4,0.0,0.06459828373137097,0.05320447811646127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11653240080316048,0.0,0.05646715080125291,0.06016510608152245,0.08720059702081602,0.09073141802658433,0.0,0.0,0.07415208578273279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05407002614428917,0.11436672345541413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06202532988393623,0.0,0.04192316295499875,0.04552262663170846,0.0,0.1204279753857143,0.0,0.06142631997378072,0.0,0.0,0.05952263986494059,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.055671876576759004,0.0,0.055587633140165835,0.05600792429694716,0.0,0.04696487870500337,0.11432813332644373,0.0,0.0,0.13059137038552854,0.0,0.05988858601793145,0.1758071669375281,0.0,0.0,0.05533750806787742,0.0,0.0,0.062485609629952275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2670483495659627,0.0,0.05578843361061541,0.0,0.0,0.24144642161084506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09863444787966487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053331846258335605,0.10279479724342702,0.0,0.08270212928249633,0.07789940237520697,0.10469711872667037,0.05972491863250759,0.0,0.09275080253770472,0.0,0.05977929032403655,0.042122668116075165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09295635466102407,0.04572949644865643,0.04360529878204675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05803845126585054,0.0,0.0,0.055954114260057634,0.0,0.0,0.06460746155323116,0.07308834372820773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05369204804280857,0.0629097328017233,0.05836569014024935,0.061547395533496974,0.05889186634622279,0.0,0.0,0.048460630407778864,0.12063846985832892,0.0,0.029963229511596943,0.044441763907306496,0.0,0.0,0.11847411105681804,0.0,0.07701936767557993,0.1598167798380055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09841437902467763,0.0,0.036393086114822684,0.11055115498967044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05494418638192651,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043518016784447514,0.057947027863732625,0.08015818581961094,0.0,0.0,0.052656569984123436,0.0,0.10232823576812004,0.0,0.15694265810140134,0.0,0.057210453415774076,0.0,0.07388946855823872,0.0414655579629306,0.1160280420772132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.047605497207414534,0.056962676844979285,0.0,0.0,0.06146405866150655,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0637319479518347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10907119438179716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05383275509448792,0.17560494482457026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.054584875157513056,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05596486193241995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05392250789696786,0.061031620136931614,0.03859013334675857,0.05811196449050834,0.043540415708306066,0.13674559828100974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12373921324389375,0.0,0.0,0.0819857775817186,0.0,0.04765361995226079,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14488490212929406,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2543323363431227,0.0,0.05167938428163301,0.0,0.0,0.07403214721357013,0.059303021212983975,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04708850324851285,0.0,0.044985405422679134,0.032157805832832294,0.0,0.04373333166937926,0.0,0.0,0.10108273550566534,0.0,0.0,0.06269627885227749,0.0,0.059125528612965425,0.039691823099770894,0.0,0.16668419082254252,0.34857038377899696,0.0,0.0,0.1404385416207405 ptsd,hzuhuhzi,2019/06/14,"Denial I had a pretty good run, weeks without breakdowns. But yesterday night I thought about my trauma and as always I denied it, told myself it wasn't that bad. I told myself this story, over and over, I started to believe it. I even tell my therapist this story, 'it's really not that bad.' Yesterday I said to myself for the first time ever 'no, it's really that bad, you were hurt' and I had a good cry. I felt so much shame, admitting that someone could hurt me *that* bad. And it's like a open wound now, thinking about it, I instantly cry. But I have a feeling that now I can start to heal. Anyone else is a master in repressing and twisting stories? I convinced myself that I was in total control in this situation and that's far from the truth.",3.157599999999998,4.724433493333333,4.625,84.1675,74.06666666666666,7.4,25.166666666666664,8.07648339933343,1.5118666666666667,584,19,115,9,12,195,85,150,0.156,0.677,0.16699999999999998,-0.0845,0,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,3,7,14,0,2,7,0,9,2,0,1,3,22,19,10,0,1,4,0,2,1,0,0,2,1,0,0,18,7,0,2,5,0,0,1,4,9,0,1,10,3,22,5,14,8,2,19,0,2,0,0,6,7,0,0,12,88,40,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11700584499337467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09832371489446302,0.14408025634384014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4696422484039926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1584288800878161,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15771558898629795,0.11227241877284083,0.0,0.3089256076845764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11746870121202953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.092877183742374,0.1271974710704257,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07110093159141076,0.0,0.1350157984017888,0.0,0.0,0.11961001228436692,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23588822877336005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30106999502555626,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06869908930401962,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1033707669179322,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13196092327381082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14305955343384472,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1801676056386181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13376038141448812,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15806106985213464,0.0,0.0,0.11914558679159952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19906097618011512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12290675470042176,0.0,0.0,0.16326890031624475,0.0,0.09010264784877042,0.0,0.11163537057926252,0.08199576996098264,0.0,0.0,0.2687339787293414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11279566742474885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13555120243975025,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Shanbae,2019/06/14,"Having a rough week I don’t know who to talk to about this anymore (I have no friends) so I’ll post here. Due to recent stressful events with my SO, my ptsd has been coming in waves. After not having many noticeable symptoms for a few months (yay therapy!) I had a flashback earlier this week and an anxiety attack tonight. I don’t know how to deal with this, really I feel like I’ve tried so hard. I know I should go see my therapist, but interacting with other people is more than I can handle right now. I feel like no one else knows what it’s like to live with this illness either, at least not those close to me. I guess I’m looking advice? Or some insight. Does it get better with time? Do you ever really feel “healed”?",2.798061224489796,4.3833351496598665,3.9575680272108866,88.50737244897958,75.05442176870748,7.07687074829932,22.45408163265306,7.793537801064563,0.9025877551020404,565,15,119,8,12,184,102,147,0.111,0.8,0.08900000000000001,0.326,0,0,0,0,0,0,19.0,0,1,0,1,8,8,1,1,4,1,12,3,0,1,1,26,26,7,0,1,5,0,5,3,1,1,3,0,0,0,10,8,0,0,8,0,0,2,6,2,0,1,2,7,15,6,17,23,5,18,0,0,2,0,6,4,0,3,14,78,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14742015482335816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1154086682592028,0.0,0.14961411397479532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17162678541740714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13342477606403844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1299538619905949,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15553162759007266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13201995382146886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12602546190923206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1364629035644347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288403886362192,0.21555103440177706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11655525469181922,0.0,0.07881893017674631,0.0,0.08573809207972095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16619099903344708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13514231122664286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.331638236921733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2211099903110882,0.0,0.13321350729293918,0.0,0.1266857015371341,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294992699404086,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12041624514422512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1717568677853933,0.0,0.0,0.10222768656435166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10458839939275588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.144483657201316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1763490718361456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19329153627657544,0.0,0.14895757466051515,0.0,0.0,0.1288349343108908,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12021711848451995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17281138898209286,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15680290810404052,0.0,0.12125679456017385,0.0,0.0,0.17252332331591036,0.17516188027504973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08796857952216594,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10242508558671903,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2420240615907716,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,kittyhvr,2019/06/14,"My brothers girlfriend didn’t trigger a flashback, but she was saying some stuff that brought a lot of complicated emotions forward at once. I love my brothers girlfriend, but sometimes she has the habit of talking in length about certain things, and really digging deep into the psychology of those things. One of the things today happened to be about how my mom was responding to me and my brother locking ourselves in our rooms for days on end during the high point of the abuse we were receiving from our older half brother. I don’t know the extent of how much she knows about what happened to us, but as far as I’m concerned she knows that me and my brother only had each other and doesn’t know what our half brother was doing to me. She definitely knows how our mother responded to what was happening, and was talking about how she should’ve noticed something was up sooner, and that it seemed like our mom didn’t really care. Me and my brother don’t really talk about the abuse or how our mom reacted, so a lot of emotions came flooding in at once while she was talking about our mom and half brother. There was a lot of relief that someone with an outside perspective could see how fucked up the situation was/is. There was also a lot of sadness and anger though, because she was so spot on with everything. Thinking about it all honestly made me have a mental breakdown on their living room floor though. She didn’t mean to do that (I don’t even remember if she knows that I have ptsd), but there was a lot of stuff for me to process, and I couldn’t really handle it. I don’t know if I need to go back to therapy or not. I haven’t had a mental breakdown that bad in a while.",10.382672554032071,6.858548117824775,9.455407854984896,72.62174994190104,60.268882175226594,12.359841970718104,41.171508250058096,9.851270322608157,3.9034381129444577,1341,52,260,18,13,424,151,331,0.09,0.8290000000000001,0.081,-0.736,0,0,1,0,2,0,25.0,9,0,1,0,23,10,2,0,18,0,31,2,0,9,2,56,54,33,0,5,9,13,0,1,2,0,0,1,2,0,20,16,0,0,11,0,0,5,11,4,0,4,20,2,40,6,45,31,10,31,0,1,1,2,44,20,1,11,9,204,60,0,0.0,0.19905132870477416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06717436477501065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06459042568685719,0.0701360685901043,0.05120531171302237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0960730430885094,0.08564308211434829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06706676062972307,0.0,0.0,0.0541727243408829,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1889762488112797,0.0743986190600792,0.0,0.0,0.05548087338009165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07549332863164064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07765617838890665,0.0,0.0,0.047738848046833836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22284142463645806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08875007700120982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3231474747812178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041037909650408363,0.0,0.07417309189164445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3570668285271709,0.07581282263619972,0.07948235197510188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0915000739500908,0.0,0.0,0.1693034655441475,0.0,0.0,0.3935167672670173,0.0,0.0,0.061749292985508526,0.06228456023530921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09563398033843568,0.0,0.17891343871728982,0.056920230864680385,0.06388540013175202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07940667259565279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09819091303965648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21524890641295316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09515505165543556,0.0,0.0,0.06679976889428474,0.0,0.0,0.06693672103905063,0.07646998427699606,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09441895037550747,0.0,0.0,0.0711724984353244,0.06466691410509884,0.08307764714476985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19231864719977185,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2700624448125987,0.0,0.0,0.0960607416905776,0.0,0.16741659343860252,0.05382348382111743,0.16505815217082176,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07962169823799863,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10104104835323194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Seaside_Holly,2019/02/28,"School Flip Out For a year and a half I was able to keep the fact that I have PTSD out of my daughter’s school life (she’s in Gr. 2), until today. I was almost hit by a car in a crosswalk and that began the devilish cycle that is unstoppable once it begins. I had a complete meltdown and was stuck there for over a half hour because I physically couldn’t drive. It was hellish. Embarrassing. The demon is out of the bag now and there’s no hiding it. I’m officially “that crazy lady that tripped out in front of children”",3.173107476635515,4.35247746728972,4.514100467289719,86.52105724299066,73.39252336448598,7.219158878504674,25.524532710280376,7.645422480735847,1.1825149532710286,407,13,87,5,8,135,68,107,0.198,0.802,0.0,-0.9552,0,0,0,0,0,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,2,1,1,10,0,9,1,0,0,1,12,15,5,0,1,0,1,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,1,8,8,0,1,0,0,0,4,2,2,0,2,7,0,7,0,16,6,0,19,2,0,0,0,3,8,0,1,7,60,15,2,0.2707336367832205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2711006298455869,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16503671212428495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.283859067244215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.266618097093308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2406404958321319,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19122717420483412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2883224873840771,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.31647313347816713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5479937884073264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25662383161724633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17434358573744274 ptsd,Makememak,2019/02/28,"Well that sucks. So I got an email from my therapist saying she's closing her practice in April, and she wanted to give her clients enough time to come in and ""process"" what that means to them. I've been going to this person for almost 2 years, on and off. She's been a good therapist, and I think I've made some progress. So I sent her an email back wishing her good luck in the future, because, really, I didn't want to go back. I just didn't see the point. So then she sends me another email inviting me in for a free session to, again, process this, and that ""trust me it will make you feel better"" Like huh? No, it won't. It's almost like she's feeling guilty about it and she wanted to explain or something. I'm not about to go in and cry about the fact that she's got other shit to do in her life besides hold my hand, and it's just putting off the inevitable. I mean, what's the point? I'm pretty used to people fucking with me, or ghosting me or whatever, so it's like it's a new thing. So I said no thanks, I've already moved on, and good luck. So yeah, just wanted to put this up somewhere. So I found another therapist. ",1.8361764705882349,3.3299692142857147,2.9333529411764694,95.22708823529413,77.4453781512605,5.936470588235295,22.824369747899162,6.508806274219699,0.3115707563025216,875,26,203,7,20,280,120,238,0.087,0.718,0.195,0.9788,0,0,1,0,0,0,36.0,0,1,1,2,17,16,3,0,10,2,7,4,2,3,1,41,37,20,1,5,7,0,3,3,0,2,1,2,0,1,18,12,0,1,7,0,1,9,6,3,1,0,10,6,29,14,29,25,2,32,0,0,1,1,24,14,3,8,12,125,47,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22403664170570853,0.0,0.12344766305652875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23460393550808714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203714351372335,0.0,0.06819288978328147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09893698765883133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09636323941671826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12288029506099495,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11558818422792565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1131263091920156,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12265604052423434,0.0,0.1034189430101408,0.0,0.10731271280209703,0.19072923653801216,0.2814853909684465,0.17894000632963428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07901474433335946,0.16395722764528292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10585095738369807,0.07467187751987724,0.0,0.0,0.24371121859429276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11889657704844082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10804153657279,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07755427054276302,0.0976776700258204,0.0,0.0,0.2115003421020226,0.0,0.0,0.11380863029777695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2249138222508256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07166465968049858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1064108298361965,0.0889608738891468,0.0,0.0,0.08914326048540352,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11482953939244032,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08612043553037181,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10299180912757612,0.0,0.3896575126066376,0.07431925141044582,0.07167965152787567,0.0,0.0,0.0652303606818287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0966168941010796,0.0,0.0,0.26392746478064905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10058157991547424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286411611435868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07203847418907752 ptsd,BetterThanKevin,2019/02/28,"Need help explaining symptoms to loved ones and employers. I often run into an issue where people think my anxieties and triggers are much more controllable for me than they actually are. For instance, winter weather and rain are a trigger for me, so is interstate driving, and when those things combine, I cannot handle and I just want to stay home and stay safe but others tend to make light of that and just tell me to calm down and everything is going to be fine. I drive 1 hour to work everyday and if the weather is not very good and I am not able to work from home, I am very stiff and tense the whole drive, I am freaking out the entire drive, and I am utterly exhausted by the time I reach the office. Additionally I can't focus, because I instantly start dreading the drive home, frantically checking the weather every 20 minutes or so, get angry that I can't just be normal, and fried from all the anxiety. How do I explain this and other issues in a way where people realize these are not things I am fully in control of (yet) and that my fear and anxiety, while albeit unnecessary at times, are VERY real to me and VERY hard to overcome? Thank you in advanced for your help.",12.174086956521739,7.1752040391304375,11.3729347826087,64.73114130434784,58.60869565217391,14.456521739130435,43.96739130434783,11.45678717892309,4.847869565217392,939,35,175,17,8,307,136,230,0.158,0.75,0.092,-0.9671,1,0,0,0,0,0,22.0,0,2,1,5,11,11,0,3,11,0,19,4,0,6,1,47,31,25,0,4,9,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,3,0,10,20,0,4,4,0,1,8,6,5,0,1,0,2,23,6,26,29,4,29,0,0,0,1,9,9,0,3,9,129,33,3,0.12199970490132815,0.0,0.11905411331468993,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2799883209649178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07436988774752831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2736660857846175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10279001318349544,0.0,0.10964546817892988,0.0,0.0,0.13728358595092466,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06373981045881717,0.0,0.06933524377972754,0.10232756423444007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1092877724074215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1635476611039033,0.0,0.3671269537918544,0.0,0.1201451343586916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2546719907971288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11010949685994316,0.0,0.08143575036487072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08968382056843549,0.09046123533168712,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1195338078132936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08267015741831946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16915846836632425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13886237331220366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08635201905819513,0.260070905695123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12680440624518324,0.0,0.0,0.10663311943842388,0.11232093709585744,0.0,0.0,0.1621023658754009,0.07817248476859517,0.0,0.0,0.1422780180472048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4026501335451968,0.07195858685416337,0.09683768713183756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13620831366169614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17763447635527904,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Big-Buff-Cheeto-Puff,2019/02/28,"Ghosted by my therapist I don’t know what I’ve done wrong. I’ve been seeing the same therapist for over two years and she is easily the best therapist I’ve ever had, the first I’ve felt comfortable sharing many difficult things with. We connected so well and she’s never indicated any problems with me. I missed two of our weekly sessions in January and haven’t been back since. I called in to schedule and the receptionist said she would get back to me and never did. I emailed my therapist and she asked when I was available, I responded, and then never heard back from her. I’ve emailed her again since then, still nothing. I honestly feel crushed. I trust this woman, more than just about anyone else. I’ve told her things I have never been able to say to anyone. I was invested in this process. I don’t want to start over with someone new. Am I really that horrible? Does she just not want to have to be around me anymore? I’m definitely not “all better” and ready to ease out of therapy. It’s stupid, but it feels like I’ve been dumped and I don’t even know why. I don’t even know if I can handle opening up like that again, especially if this is going to be the result. I don’t know where to go from here. 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It feels isolating and shameful. The level with which she consciously fucked with my head has left me still wondering what even happened, and its been over a year since I last talked to her. When I was with her I didnt live in the real world. I lived in her world. It was a fever dream where nothing made sense and everything was slimy and dysphoric. Up was down. Tears and self harm were expressions of love. Im not going to say Im a victim because I chose to live in that world, and more importantly, victimhood is her manipulative game and not mine. All I want to say is that spending the last several months figuring out what is real and what is narcissistic fantasy has been the most painful thing Ive ever done. Accepting that she fabricated a rape to control me leaves me wondering why I should ever trust the word of a woman again. Thanks for reading this far",4.9482857142857135,6.27720582857143,5.4909523809523835,80.63071428571429,69.28571428571428,9.219047619047616,29.23809523809524,9.558583805096642,2.5768952380952377,864,32,168,19,15,278,128,210,0.17600000000000002,0.718,0.106,-0.9554,0,0,0,0,1,0,15.0,0,0,0,1,8,11,3,1,11,0,22,7,1,3,4,41,37,13,0,4,4,1,1,0,1,1,3,2,0,3,15,14,0,1,9,4,1,2,5,7,0,0,12,3,25,4,21,24,3,28,0,0,0,3,20,14,1,4,12,118,40,1,0.0,0.1332163192432369,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387798578950958,0.06853893612766261,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12610468391168653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1150593763311619,0.2635444414560165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07426182772241523,0.30510991944674803,0.0,0.0,0.10104874389101252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05685018558907494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10394374474947396,0.0,0.0,0.06389903210486694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19885064861179602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11539008031912296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2428967834697596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18537293489595447,0.2749470047700286,0.0,0.11905174231690675,0.12216025015645425,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2978447725918122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1014763905245175,0.10638810043436334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08974402541246065,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11016179083965222,0.10788379111051212,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11963807551607933,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07794782142318119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1124647762425798,0.25594981042033593,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2414248288465529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17882461566672372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11729354797744387,0.1270188122337743,0.0,0.09300685611065244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08979021707606358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09037047152074927,0.0,0.1035144433664691,0.0,0.0,0.07469638611392382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06631669265089457,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.104227768798778,0.10145451274999916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2438605126998093,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07240403503753473 ptsd,NotSymmetra,2019/02/28,"I feel like my experience wasnt severe enough to cause the symptoms I have. I feel guilt over it. My mom used to be with a pretty abusive guy who was especially rough with my brother and I in a mentally abusive way. We've been away from him for 6 years now and through some conversations with an old friend who suffers from PTSD and my boyfriend I've realized a lot of the symptoms I've experienced the last few years are similar to those experienced by people with PTSD. I feel guilty for my brain making such a big deal out of everything because I know that people have had it much worse than me and still manage to function better than I do. My guilt turns to sadness which turns into anger and I'm just a whole lotta fucked up recently. ",8.070204081632653,6.509676836734696,7.851700680272112,76.17306122448981,62.94557823129252,11.12108843537415,35.285714285714285,9.957137785484203,3.158240816326531,593,21,119,10,7,190,96,147,0.203,0.71,0.087,-0.9618,0,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,4,9,2,2,9,0,9,4,1,3,0,23,19,5,0,0,1,2,4,1,1,0,2,0,0,1,7,11,0,0,5,0,0,0,1,6,0,0,4,6,15,3,25,14,7,15,0,2,0,1,9,7,1,3,8,81,22,1,0.0,0.33123727222920424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13132965033344374,0.0,0.0,0.08520971894954674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12362568794071888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15604277432802047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14359446564004574,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1441089505605309,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14443201810703532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12562691447559154,0.13673347229331614,0.0,0.0,0.21203371149145306,0.09986018227028336,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10799511132374703,0.12922606881683665,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13840600894211055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07682044968772984,0.1139408649843249,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06829035173510888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11883753105742152,0.0,0.0,0.09330547095341964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14086722874623406,0.0,0.0,0.16371081445945546,0.0,0.0,0.10275574397666007,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1466775387658955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19381427058708087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142208394929818,0.0,0.0,0.3267950071430066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13801771443520158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15791370428606422,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11162996675669427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.290573729367376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.304085028995902,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12072663907182715,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1109523269988028,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15606144472216946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14244964804686294,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1800298582070176 ptsd,Daperry,2019/02/28,"Any advice on revisiting my trauma from 5 years ago to grief properly? About 5 years ago when I was 16 my grandpa committed suicide and a few weeks later my dad passed away. At this time I was so low I was unable to show my face at school because the first day I went back all eyes were on me and the abnormal attention was too much, along with many other things I’d rather not discuss. Kids are mean. At this time we decided home bound was the option for me. In order to be home bound because of “mental illness,” it was required to be seen by psychologist and psychiatrist consistently on a weekly basis. That’s where I was prescribed all of the different anxiety/depression medications you can think of. I feel as though this time period of my brain constantly being fogged by medication stripped me of my ability to properly grieve. Fast forward to now and I feel as though I have a strong unbalance within me. There’s no doubt in my mind that I need to revisit this time in my life and grief properly for the sake of my sanity. Does anyone have advice on how I should begin to reface the part of my life that gives me suffering and sorrow every day? For some reason I feel like maybe going somewhere beautiful to write my feelings down could be helpful. Therapy isn’t an option for me anymore. While I support it and have seen it work wonders for my loved ones, my experience of therapy hasn’t been helpful for me. I’m an introverted soul that feels like this is something I need to face on my own. Was just wondering if anyone has had a similar experience on revisiting grief that could give me words of advice or encouragement? Long story short: years of medication during my traumatic experience has inhibited my ability to grieve properly. What to do now? I would like to revisit this time of my life to work through my issues. How do I do that? Write? ",5.586323529411764,6.651868728291322,6.5064880952380975,74.90830357142858,67.59943977591035,10.431792717086836,30.841386554621852,10.504223727775694,3.3321,1484,57,275,40,24,493,187,357,0.11699999999999999,0.7879999999999999,0.095,-0.8556,1,0,1,0,0,1,26.0,1,1,0,5,15,17,0,1,12,0,32,12,4,3,3,49,53,18,6,8,5,2,5,3,0,2,7,0,2,1,18,10,0,3,12,1,0,4,4,10,0,2,14,8,43,7,55,31,7,49,1,8,3,1,14,19,0,8,30,195,61,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2656116014645359,0.1606299953635484,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06161384107013109,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08985484258051273,0.1267048759462659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08512546001853552,0.06966889932226272,0.0,0.11046274021462382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10114405173177128,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09791075878791138,0.0,0.14467987614248592,0.0,0.0,0.11686419583036202,0.0,0.0780371103287064,0.0,0.0,0.09466191762533167,0.0,0.0,0.07928818914847215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07633779522091308,0.0,0.0,0.2658843535945096,0.0,0.0,0.22906057624611165,0.1294550610880283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07706773378471836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1738312653072342,0.05149235297596776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1214599305471604,0.0,0.1817664404719307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09456705802376064,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19198889805430971,0.1327936438919696,0.0,0.0,0.0801817072421462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08177366616508762,0.0,0.0,0.09185825620078672,0.09102391687492364,0.09869434010102196,0.0,0.2738220567081401,0.09130754264641316,0.0,0.09148423267809162,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06660438030064983,0.13436346672810742,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06139562932650373,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09811532520015878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09315602343334528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09169610614043293,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06975140170327553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910609309840064,0.10281636906736456,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.207227187946046,0.0,0.06019328545532673,0.0580553980815438,0.17803598077613528,0.0,0.2641596656558467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1453541606281791,0.0,0.0,0.08399083497972823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19651239123984526,0.1319216124233431,0.0,0.0,0.06436249680102979,0.0,0.0,0.17503805642557338 ptsd,remyrf,2019/05/26,"Does anyone else feel like they are going through the grieving process in regards to their trauma? In no way do I want to compare my situation to someone else’s, especially regarding the loss of a loved one. If anyone feels I’m being disrespectful, please call me out. I would sincerely appreciate it. With that being said, does anyone else feel like they’re going through the five stages of grief regarding their trauma? I feel that I am just coming out of the denial stage and now I’m just extremely angry at my abuser. I get so angry sometimes I feel the need to punch my pillow repeatedly until my hand gets too sore. Is anyone else going through this? Does anyone know if this is common? This is my first time posting here, So please go easy on me haha.",3.76650928381963,6.0391640275862075,4.62896551724138,81.74143236074272,74.24137931034483,6.944297082228117,24.257294429708228,7.882392219407189,1.4323368700265249,604,19,109,9,13,195,89,145,0.179,0.649,0.172,-0.4847,0,0,0,0,1,0,14.0,0,0,3,2,7,10,0,0,6,1,9,3,1,0,0,18,28,6,2,5,4,0,6,2,0,1,1,1,1,0,6,5,0,0,6,0,0,5,1,5,0,3,1,7,16,5,18,24,0,21,0,3,0,1,6,6,0,2,8,69,22,0,0.0,0.13882843858324392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4096433301856247,0.3601665137614498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11964466007008095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093241495362998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30761131428857263,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3915252389210589,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29622581314862395,0.16741392764071047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09966556655900063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12243399072474348,0.0,0.2663638480478318,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06439410039598734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.114487634050137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10575137437823676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08688078900630407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07939808114982773,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2572370768367463,0.0,0.0,0.1122173994622543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11145642360715134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13170507867085746,0.0,0.0,0.09927858198323568,0.0,0.11588508460934945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06832333441429572,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06911047343920652,0.09300486150461193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08323489473228114,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GhostPasta,2019/05/26,"Does anyone have any cool videos to show my friends explaining PTSD. I was told by my therapist that she believes I have PTSD, because that’s what my symptoms match up with. (I suspected this before I started therapy.) I want to try to explain to my friends what it’s like, I can’t find any videos that aren’t too complex (we’re all 15-16). Does anyone have any videos that I could show them, or really any ideas on how to properly explain it?",2.5491292134831447,4.530543280898879,3.4656039325842727,90.0307654494382,76.86516853932585,7.1466292134831475,26.85533707865169,8.07648339933343,1.6476842696629213,348,14,73,6,8,111,56,89,0.022000000000000002,0.833,0.14400000000000002,0.8555,1,0,0,0,0,0,13.0,0,0,1,0,2,4,0,0,0,1,7,1,0,1,1,13,13,2,0,2,1,0,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,9,1,0,0,7,5,0,0,2,0,0,0,2,1,13,4,9,10,1,3,0,0,0,0,8,2,0,1,2,42,22,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4809181854823285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2472442797491057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10777517613078937,0.0,0.15044313194416709,0.19919220093958928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1411598074023961,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3094364139062573,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16159130299843924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2731893095686113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1995848226566344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08637517852444537,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4133377024087397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1132621207865631,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1251394125380479,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18376210629266396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2021853399307269,0.20527754523640213,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16893925104021154,0.0,0.12003507901864527,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10428077286681006,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Brainsarethegame,2019/05/26,"How to apologize after a flashback ? Hello, I was hoping to get some advice, I had a pretty bad flashback and ended up yelling at someone who didn't deserve it( he made an honest mistake). I dont know the appropriate way to apologize to this person? I really don't want to give an explanation of my triggers or the ""intro to PTSD"" talk. Has anyone figured out how to apologize without oversharing and putting on the advocate /survivor hat?",6.816219512195122,7.420313060975616,7.93039024390244,67.41582926829271,64.73170731707317,10.462439024390244,38.351219512195115,10.355215969177356,4.4086653658536585,349,18,55,8,5,119,62,82,0.059000000000000004,0.773,0.16699999999999998,0.7929,0,0,0,0,1,0,12.0,0,0,0,0,2,4,0,0,7,0,6,0,0,4,0,15,12,5,0,3,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,3,3,0,0,2,0,0,1,4,2,0,0,4,1,5,2,14,8,1,8,0,0,0,0,9,4,0,3,2,41,8,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2479500214044317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17741964129031376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2118607889664497,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29737926748761384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22473672176011653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13256773097149208,0.2434087915364063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25201927401150964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13944787271760942,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2400932093409357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22155439929026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.258142958498149,0.0,0.0,0.2966063642302985,0.2550769626654976,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1625511810596694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21499154392792308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20394514469648414,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14966135786260226,0.20140556370008994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2445945592998084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,bumbumboleji,2019/05/26,"Such a difference in me when I’m arround others?! When I’m with X i feel like scum, i feel like i cant do or say anything right and I end up hating myself When I’m with Y I’m not exactly ontop of the world, but i certainly don’t hate myself..quite as much! Of course this is a massive oversimplification I’m just wondering if anyone can relate, lets say X is my husband and Y is a friend I find it hard to understand myself sometimes, am i just different with Y and if Y really knew me would hate me too? Have you struggled with this type of thing? Am i just nuts? ( yes, i am but in this context i mean, ha!)",-1.1201124949779064,0.9586753816793953,1.9615427882683816,93.27959019686622,96.70992366412213,5.200642828445159,17.58175974286862,6.8360192770164,0.14970839694656446,469,14,108,8,19,165,78,131,0.168,0.711,0.122,-0.8396,1,0,0,0,0,0,17.0,0,1,0,0,8,9,3,1,4,2,13,0,0,0,2,26,27,12,0,3,9,1,3,2,1,1,0,2,0,0,6,7,0,0,7,0,0,0,3,4,0,0,1,5,17,5,12,24,1,9,0,0,0,0,5,5,0,4,6,70,23,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11957638801417507,0.0,0.14072927152254125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3573447385539587,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15146691339685706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1729387990124167,0.2443436923710119,0.0,0.0,0.15630294352342758,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13212435456727287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15319421413269796,0.5065203151885471,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17487255764181947,0.0,0.16709679791198614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18628348149328766,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12571436044263612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1818935617357666,0.0,0.0,0.10955541876419424,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14604431680537694,0.0,0.2719930809971118,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1691364025873911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17878010115179968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136135543908604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17803074598047994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1854564930433653,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12148285270891905,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,knitblue,2019/05/26,"The mind movies are controlling my life Abusive relationship with a man who kept me stuck in the flat telling me I was too worthless to be seen while he went out constantly, had multiple affairs with women he was kind and loving to while reminding me I would never be deserving of that kind of treatment. There was physical assault. Sexual assault. But the memories that control me the most, the ones that make me suicidal and have me rocking back and forth on the floor, are the ones created by emotional abuse. The ones where he showed me how great everyone else was, how worthy of his attention and time, while getting sadistic pleasure from tearing me down. I was so strong before he got into my head. I was successful, happy, loved myself. That made me a fun challenge. And he won. I know I need therapy, desperately. But he took my career. My savings are almost gone :/. When I pull myself together enough to work again, therapy will be my first priority. I have full meltdowns a couple times a day. The rest of the time I'm apathetic, just trying to survive. The mind movies play through in such detail. Every word, the smells, the emotions I felt in that moment come flooding back 10x worse. The idea of rebuilding my life is so overwhelming. Combined with the constant abuse from my own head, I'm getting so tired of fighting to survive this for a future where I will never be worth anything to anyone. I can't make it stop and it's going to kill me.",3.8870072992700737,6.263670649635039,4.532575182481754,82.08724233576642,74.25547445255475,7.741664233576643,28.47824817518249,8.608573733854374,2.3834974014598536,1154,48,207,23,25,368,161,274,0.154,0.6829999999999999,0.163,0.2164,1,0,0,0,4,1,35.0,0,0,0,10,15,20,4,1,20,0,21,7,2,7,2,38,43,17,2,2,3,0,1,0,0,3,3,0,0,2,9,12,0,4,4,3,1,6,3,6,0,4,17,3,31,14,28,19,5,36,0,2,1,2,16,11,0,2,19,146,40,4,0.0,0.3686829487150832,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10386319789141088,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07252525127923423,0.0,0.08535485934151125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15951254888841349,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08826029025672674,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08934783282587466,0.0,0.2241745577982404,0.2326674238084107,0.0,0.11476708040705635,0.0,0.06689249411156878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08664692014527911,0.2333479212027545,0.0,0.1071731691831372,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739076123396197,0.09911138607574838,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09958995870189187,0.0,0.0,0.08822638776156037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1083815515610592,0.0,0.05894794198961757,0.0,0.08295643581605945,0.11435452902853105,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11041463289505828,0.0,0.0,0.21289861635669094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1170901865101384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11475368546116338,0.21602224638805329,0.0570032265630076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14652467497375166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18722738623452245,0.09814482889972903,0.1384712774253764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2094605093455226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07690899118466171,0.15999452173198944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2108553476461202,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11135925175160824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08671673522697182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1134556859250296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09065812126943204,0.0,0.23723165766800955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18144444074263014,0.11921386668987162,0.0,0.0,0.1152396213767755,0.07042083462544878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09615188628795633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07551128572370208,0.0,0.10570218730095517,0.07368155674503328,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Throwaydoll,2019/05/26,"My Manager disregarded my trauma, and I almost went off on her. I suffer from androphbia. This is the fear of men and males. My father was an abusive unstable drunk. This phobia affects my daily life and my dating life. I am unable to date men. I tried dating a guy I really liked. all was well until he asked for a hug. I froze up and the feelings of dread flooded back. I realized Dating men is not an option right now, if ever &#x200B; &#x200B; I can only date Cis women (I’m bi). Being around men causes me to feel nauseous. This does not include my brother or my stepdad. The only men I feel safe with. My heart will beat fast. I will sweat and shake. It is torture, absolute torture. I worked in a retail store. When I first worked there, I tried to hide my symptoms. My bosses would often put me in the men's department. I was afraid to go to work every day. I never felt safe. I was meek and afraid to speak up. &#x200B; &#x200B; It’s been 7 months and I was not put in men's until last week. (Manager 1) said she was putting me in men's and I visibly got upset. I told her I didn't want work there. She asked is is there something wrong with men's? She asked me if I Didn't like the clothes. I agreed. I didn't want her and 8 other of my coworkers to know, two of them being guys. &#x200B; &#x200B; I apologized later to (manager 1). I told her I was sorry if she took it I was being rude. I told her I just didn't feel comfortable working that department. She assured me everything was okay. Last night, (manager 2) while on register tells me ""oh you are in men's"". I said what? I said very loud ""I don't want to be in men's""! I said this loud enough customers and cashiers stared at me. She was \*not\* shocked by my reaction and she laughed. (Manager 1) was standing nearby as well. &#x200B; &#x200B; I was enraged and scared. She said, I just don't understand why you don't like men's. I told her I just don't like it. I told her very sternly, we have 6 other departments. I ll do every one but men's and that's that. I know the whole thing was orchestrated. I'm never put in men's. I tell (manager 1) I don't like men's (manager 2) tries to put in me men's again. I don't know if she tried to get a rise out of me. I don't know if they were testing me. I don't know if they were prying for information. I'm not sure, But I will never go back to that place again. I’d rather quit and flip burgers. &#x200B; &#x200B; I was a in a horrible mood the whole night. It is none of their businesses why I don't want to work that department. I came home furious. It wasn't until later I felt sad. It’s already hard dealing with My trauma. Having to dump a guy I really liked because I’m so damaged. Not being able to have fun with guys. Not being able to have guys Friends. I’m living my life afraid of 50 percent of the population. Don't I deal with enough crap? Now I have my boss trying to make me uncomfortable. &#x200B; I felt so hurt and invalidated. I'm done with that place. Fuck you. I don't need to tell you shit.",0.1804411228581841,2.4658005323854693,2.264415481832547,93.28224480495814,88.69984202211691,5.394653056264431,19.80574796451574,6.900799576094004,0.3563788795722447,2359,74,519,34,78,788,251,633,0.17,0.778,0.053,-0.9961,0,0,1,0,0,0,142.0,1,4,4,9,21,44,9,8,17,1,59,12,4,5,7,84,105,32,0,13,20,2,9,6,1,4,4,8,1,23,21,25,1,3,15,1,2,16,27,25,2,3,40,18,106,18,57,55,7,68,0,4,1,3,73,20,3,10,37,324,127,16,0.0721298792145462,0.0427310560520518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.036113827446951206,0.0,0.03979855766816074,0.0,0.0,0.4298398169637857,0.4820513403990957,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.032105442461691384,0.10114755037145146,0.0,0.0,0.055463424804253175,0.0,0.02198485244192659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04124868310118262,0.0,0.03704862752150288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02325890246867864,0.0743627382578292,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0315606716876639,0.03690695469782397,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07452944676071442,0.0,0.0,0.032622802631537426,0.060772534174436524,0.0,0.03241284223828676,0.0,0.0,0.0405830837082302,0.07294206838250074,0.0,0.1038839932822792,0.0,0.0,0.030676819206163563,0.0,0.0,0.027863682877628405,0.033341455524229464,0.018842442419311538,0.0,0.0409930725913454,0.0,0.02884442679886908,0.0,0.0,0.17854980166464093,0.0,0.0,0.03230710201204884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04273712708053259,0.0,0.0,0.03617607498153117,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03860826376240864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09910173814252267,0.05879547860659123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07642120023477929,0.10571704668989196,0.0,0.031846002413545585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024073627236700444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.028786690714931337,0.0,0.0,0.02674169574160255,0.08344651427439402,0.0,0.0,0.06768900543083063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.024438536445861456,0.05485802343950248,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07536037171698598,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18127612754234584,0.0,0.0383595025934993,0.0,0.0,0.04620824761595347,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.030799261369129076,0.17153008177293036,0.0,0.03610729612646379,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.037020142239757664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.02776455248321004,0.0,0.040371747210247576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.033990778768826335,0.037485281270699784,0.0,0.0,0.09456704052994876,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.023959943346669416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17230797661891245,0.04006947490490299,0.12242863314263767,0.0,0.03523020555562075,0.03754487402957915,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.059514704404050885,0.08508814316293857,0.0,0.02892911914933248,0.0,0.06485342386413064,0.03343256033511064,0.06508599690610217,0.08053043423655205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15753423339271475,0.0,0.0,0.025619498343338848,0.039431349891484856,0.4820513403990957,0.0 ptsd,daisyd1997,2019/05/26,"my mom got into a car accident, how can i help her? my mom got into a car accident and its been really traumatic for her. she can barely sleep but if she does, she wakes up in the middle of the night because of nightmares reliving the accident. she's having flashbacks and can't really focus. she seems a lot more anxious nowadays. i'm planning on talking to her about seeking help. i don't think she'll take it too well since she's a little indian lady who doesn't believe in therapists but i think it's a good conversation to have. i know she's talked to my dad about it but it's been a few months and the anxiety doesn't seem to be subsiding. she also will be going back to doing regular yoga soon so i really hope that will make her feel a little calmer. what else can i do to help her?",2.303766233766233,3.960923000000001,4.453701298701301,84.12340909090909,76.57575757575758,8.108225108225108,23.300865800865804,8.841846274778883,1.6743593073593073,625,19,129,14,14,216,94,165,0.094,0.7659999999999999,0.14,0.8622,0,0,0,0,0,0,12.0,0,0,0,1,9,3,0,0,11,0,18,2,2,2,0,19,31,10,0,2,4,3,1,0,0,3,0,0,0,0,8,5,0,0,6,1,0,3,4,0,1,0,4,1,23,3,17,22,3,16,0,0,0,0,24,9,0,5,4,93,31,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12166580368884995,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11638620589871113,0.17187418965944426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11698578882162824,0.0,0.0927427512499609,0.0,0.0,0.17140897752051998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1331381928235582,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12709292620295393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07692623957251225,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864643131982189,0.12760729003688026,0.24335951370349926,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3059274494825962,0.0,0.0,0.15110872813550194,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08361182203309174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30496724556838184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12934345656677668,0.0,0.0,0.10155421458457327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3563675958450639,0.12143619809760607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.142772497782538,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29239313925325283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2770039471544216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585126364880606,0.0,0.1522492488225084,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143898764609828,0.2445677343161396,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17664554119548714,0.0,0.1949695375122072,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1367915698553641,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,shadowfaxx12,2019/05/26,Memory loss.. Does anyone else with PTSD experience memory loss? My memory has been getting so bad lately... I’ve been going through a stressful time. Has anyone else experienced this?,4.004516129032261,7.308928161290325,5.479612903225807,66.81941935483871,89.96774193548387,8.931612903225806,22.32903225806452,8.841846274778883,3.2648658064516134,147,5,20,5,5,49,24,31,0.287,0.713,0.0,-0.8873,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,1,4,0,1,1,0,4,0,0,0,0,1,6,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,4,0,0,2,1,1,0,2,4,0,3,0,2,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,10,2,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3468768551273702,0.5083016468625216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20710673200278215,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21706534571116198,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4144185733427788,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24263504124221846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12959297312386395,0.0,0.1409693615183921,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.27980491268554325,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28995065621459554,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2841340479708913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14463669750650687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,GlitchedDax,2019/05/26,Does anyone feel... Stuck I feel stuck at the age when my first major trauma happened (16). I feel as though I haven't aged emotionally or physically since the event. Does anyone else experience this?,2.841666666666669,5.895864277777783,3.606888888888889,82.02700000000002,86.77777777777777,6.213333333333335,18.31111111111111,7.554174236665415,0.8391177777777781,158,4,28,3,5,50,28,36,0.19,0.81,0.0,-0.7003,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,1,2,1,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,4,7,4,0,0,1,0,3,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,1,1,0,1,2,3,4,0,2,5,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,1,0,1,5,14,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3679511040933165,0.26959157033818243,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4605059832284984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2197981349350349,0.29596803778678443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2573761552468515,0.0,0.0,0.39911530462214384,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22380478670831,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23267100002296656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2176507682658266,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25850834549846713,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,birdgenocide,2019/05/26,"Rant about Parents I have such a hard time hating the two people who birthed me, even though they’re the ones who made my world crash permanently They’re still human beings, I love them and know they have feelings. But, they have absolutely zero feelings towards me or my younger bro and sis. My father is now in assisted living, he started getting more fucked up than usual after they divorced, long story short. He ended up boarding himself up on a house with all his furniture and clothes thrown out claiming to be working for the ICA. I will be completely honest with you. I truly wish I could just look at this situation and laugh knowing that this man has destroyed my ability to ever be able to trust or have emotional connections with anybody , but deep down I still love him because I know he is sick (and was from the beginning) So my mother was a decent mother when her and my father together, but after they divorced she started partying with a lot of trashy men. She would neglect my brother and sister (I lived with grandparents) and not buy them groceries except for chips and she would sit in her home all day with her boyfriend and shoot heroin. But, she claimed she was a new person, and I gave her a chance. Over time I’ve developed a problem myself, so I contributed, but what you did to me this time has helped me to look at you with more rage than ever. But I love you still and hope everything works out for you I really do. Fast forward a few years later I’ve moved on haven’t see",6.491618661257602,6.673535082758622,6.321561866125762,80.12374239350916,65.41379310344827,9.168356997971603,31.886409736308323,8.841846274778883,2.4976146044624747,1194,43,225,17,17,375,169,290,0.11699999999999999,0.769,0.114,-0.4097,2,0,0,1,2,0,25.0,0,5,6,2,14,13,4,0,12,0,22,5,0,1,4,50,43,24,0,6,11,9,3,0,0,3,1,0,1,4,7,21,0,1,5,0,1,2,2,6,0,3,6,6,47,7,37,29,6,44,0,1,3,4,48,18,1,4,25,168,54,2,0.12478930763642238,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607040368268526,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1308392148408567,0.0,0.0,0.09963410794930452,0.0,0.0,0.08047877986364776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14037117490935694,0.11052628713702824,0.0,0.0,0.08242216077786682,0.2257581461596699,0.0,0.0,0.1121525832426098,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12619444688027695,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11536570408175865,0.065197262751297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11178670852424796,0.12320360608080955,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08364364246298335,0.0,0.12517385025755526,0.1239439394919786,0.0,0.14399010647927274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2057428198639344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22038248977812008,0.11043461036773124,0.20958317884872066,0.0,0.0,0.10609140684461543,0.3378816667251843,0.11807866016481278,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13263128518688738,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1205222909266516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08456046442710552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1385637583113443,0.0,0.0,0.08651319347593542,0.10896121008014467,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11940651424393765,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07994322588473611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09944092166010418,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14026841025036965,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17665302846420256,0.0,0.2989707068261011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1226048611628634,0.0,0.21829694643548034,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1219010209651968,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13743779226093078,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14350154524176134,0.0,0.0,0.18169620438559267,0.0,0.0,0.17729348752953344,0.0,0.0,0.08036022273969293 ptsd,Kaptn_krunch,2019/05/26,"Memories I was wondering, how many people with and without PTSD can recall their childhoods. How much can you recall? Are there specific things that you can and cannot remember? For example, from birth to age 18 most of my memories consist of a couple foster homes, childhood trauma and a few broken memories, different places I lived. I don't remember holidays? There were many iffy holidays. A few good ones? I know I do have some positive memories but why can't I remember any/most of them? Is this just a bad memory or something more? I've never been diagnosed with any mental disorder but I've only seen a doctor one in a decade. I don't talk about things. I'm just kind of trying to learn about these things.",3.024827945776849,5.5963733649635055,4.419129301355579,80.8090693430657,78.12408759124088,8.877789363920751,25.114181438998962,9.424239791934726,2.6919013555787283,569,21,103,17,14,188,89,137,0.127,0.84,0.033,-0.9031,1,0,1,0,0,0,17.0,0,2,2,0,8,4,0,0,6,0,14,2,0,2,1,22,18,8,0,0,6,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,1,0,6,5,0,0,6,2,0,0,6,2,0,2,4,1,12,2,14,14,6,7,0,0,1,0,5,2,0,4,5,73,18,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10431315464519632,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12807755146908378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1697275019749371,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1556916430827756,0.0,0.16026404263650054,0.17580277052561055,0.1570052205408296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1286595780696556,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15386665142880565,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15973620710928335,0.08430131022533009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13544967924982246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3110348038066358,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15458503561735326,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1127622122185341,0.0,0.118306880365564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20788743779778468,0.11666302072500175,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10634405953931357,0.0,0.16026404263650054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17930933357743584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5212963716501459,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11809016653110782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1232922566472184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3057243982155089,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10414443153537516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13841419230748833,0.0,0.0,0.14786630603334552,0.1663492090500153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Authentic2017,2019/08/12,"Paranoia about Being Bullied Again So I took CBD today and it calmed me down mentally to allow me to be more conscious of all the thoughts I have. I realized (what I already knew, but now more so than before) that I always feel like people are laughing at me and judging me. I noticed that when I was walking on the sidewalk today that I had all this mental dialogue going on (almost like schizophrenia) hearing all the imagined voices of the people driving past me making fun of me and laughing at me. Laughing at what I wore, laughing at my face, laughing at my walk. I was afraid that one of them would be someone I knew or worse, one of the people who bullied me. So for the first time I truly acknowledged my anxiety and asked why I felt this way....by doing so I confirmed a belief I previously only partly held. *It is that because I was bullied by so many people (like 15) (ostracized, yelled at, made fun of and told constantly that no one liked me) that it must have been my fault, or else why would so many people mistreat me and even the ones that didnt partake just allow the abuse to happen and even become friends with these people? If they were really doing something wrong surely no one would willingly befriend bullies or not stand up to them when it happened everyday right? Because everyone knew it was going on, they all saw. It must be my fault of this allowed to happen. So I thought that since I caused it, there is something about me that will cause this to happen with other people aswell. Thus i see everyone as a potential bully, and no self talk changed the anxiety when I was out today*** I saw someone I knew and though she smiled at me I shut down and after our conversation I just wanted to go home and I wasn’t even present the entire time, my mind kept going back to memories of being yelled at and made fun of the whole conversation even though she was laughing with me. I kept going numb because I felt like if I emotionally checked out, then any bullying that I expected on her part wouldn’t affect me because I wasn’t emotionally there in the first place. All of which I became aware of is something that always happens but cbd made me more conscious of it, it made me more conscious of things that had already been there but I just ignored/I had been denying because I didn’t want to accept that I was mentally ill. So how do I, I guess stop thinking that I was at fault for being bullied, or even if I WAS doing something wrong that they just exaggerated my flaws and that I am not a monster that will just be rejected and made fun of by everyone across the board?",7.4202937613567554,6.505227649606304,7.3607086614173225,77.0900757116899,63.84251968503937,9.862628709872807,34.892792247122955,8.841846274778883,2.8696457298606903,2058,78,389,26,26,660,210,508,0.157,0.7,0.14300000000000002,-0.8414,1,1,4,0,1,0,47.0,1,0,5,2,32,27,0,1,16,0,47,3,1,14,8,90,87,40,0,12,17,0,3,5,1,9,2,4,1,1,38,19,0,4,18,0,1,9,10,8,0,7,41,10,71,19,55,30,12,53,1,1,3,0,18,23,0,9,25,306,109,0,0.0,0.07704228126178614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0651116988126492,0.0,0.14351022216482892,0.0,0.10820961522682314,0.0,0.0,0.044218247908706064,0.0,0.09948568489630452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06078824742957934,0.0,0.0,0.0499991009853128,0.0,0.198188781394328,0.0718134090840245,0.05533025703985402,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13359420737918887,0.068786300550324,0.0,0.0,0.0702673641152393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05431883749084555,0.1462854973885607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2147372278000797,0.0,0.0,0.1863983831640328,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03287786370933386,0.046452841478520614,0.1248656218450212,0.0,0.0,0.11061800722262903,0.0,0.0,0.05023703815399586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1847719270335938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07163077787757574,0.0,0.2875005796299305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07328627350600055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06522392847673987,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1588361252474622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3076343049835272,0.04340372862074902,0.13184736009314935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19658535257093945,0.0,0.06565525554060378,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07402974960640063,0.0,0.0,0.22030822222074056,0.049453344496606114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14082834953937426,0.06207234187735473,0.3155540260502397,0.0,0.06793577657828569,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.041655755068468615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0555297616367188,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.051815355592836766,0.0,0.06783375013515701,0.0,0.0,0.053788157550488186,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11018849616805963,0.20023324103326307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05436260447148973,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06128393211310128,0.0,0.0,0.05226347135405682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.043198761389889206,0.041664469220257634,0.12777062747424048,0.10324288070198397,0.07583151694863997,0.0,0.18490418456711835,0.06213279438801093,0.07224356336700899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07670515619385765,0.05161267224406142,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1173472912472729,0.0725964782736549,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06626455879563457,0.1385726059343624,0.14218610207859855,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nigol313,2019/08/12,"Can symptoms of PTSD be caused by stressful situations you have knowledge about but you weren't directly involved? Hi, I wonder if you can get PTSD if you have knowledge about something that causes so much stress, that you are getting some symptions of PTSD or the full PTSD. For instance. You are a police officer, FBI officer or even a bar tender and you gain knowledge about terrorist attack. You misjudge the info as false or made up, and then the terrorist attack actually happens. You haven't been at the location of the attack, but the prior knowledge of that attack caused stress after the event. Is that possible, and if yes, is that PTSD or something else? Can it affect your memory for instance?",5.7970312500000025,7.887655890625003,5.7191875,76.85706250000003,68.21875,8.245000000000001,31.55,8.841846274778883,2.883988125,566,24,91,10,10,177,72,128,0.253,0.6970000000000001,0.051,-0.9886,0,0,2,0,0,0,15.0,0,10,0,1,5,8,4,3,9,1,13,3,0,5,0,24,18,15,0,3,9,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,0,0,6,3,1,0,6,1,0,0,2,7,0,0,3,0,11,1,14,14,3,7,0,0,0,0,12,3,0,9,4,71,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.10359592814728937,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4830850218211334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3271637899602017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08868227192563984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07011705738928654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11092745375306087,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09387610545169524,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10045026863029684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07803912332725464,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967838855218756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6204712962556345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11932723042696848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16345286046352392,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.36481453090634897,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11033991008284473,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11512497125621016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,thenacho1,2019/08/12,"Obsessing over alternate outcomes and what ifs? [TW: Psychosis, drug use, self harm] Hi, I believe I have mild PTSD from an extremely stressful situation involving a friend who became totally delusional and psychotic when he and I, along with few other friends, took LSD a few months ago. He was freaking out, repeating the same six or so nonsensical phrases including things like ""do I want to die"" and ""how do I get to 'one'"". Eventually, after hours of trying to calm him down, he went off the deep end and punched my friend's TV, breaking it. At that point we had to pin him to the ground and call 911, during which he was screaming at the top of his lungs ""let me die"" and pounding his head against the tile flooring to attempt to do so. We got a pillow under his head, an ambulance showed up alongside the police and they cuffed him and strapped him into a gurney, and he was wheeled away to the hospital. He was fine the next day. Somehow, no legal repercussions came of this situation. My problem is, oftentimes my mind will wander back to this situation, where I recall bits and pieces of it. It isn't extremely troubling, but it is still stressful to remember, and the worst part is I'll start imagining several what if scenarios where I consider multiple different outcomes and follow them through, along with the emotions they would involve. What if he succeeded in killing himself, what if he killed somebody else, what if we all went to prison, etc, and it's very unpleasant to imagine. Does anyone else experience this sort of imagining of what if scenarios?",8.5309375,8.076297718750002,8.000083333333336,71.90325000000003,61.39583333333334,11.985555555555555,40.03333333333333,11.34169021259432,4.6222191666666665,1245,60,220,31,15,393,180,288,0.153,0.789,0.057999999999999996,-0.9890000000000001,2,1,1,0,0,1,43.0,3,0,3,3,9,18,2,3,16,0,16,4,3,2,2,47,26,26,4,9,8,0,0,1,3,2,1,1,1,1,19,24,0,0,4,2,0,5,2,11,0,2,10,1,25,7,37,13,10,36,0,0,0,0,31,18,0,9,13,156,44,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10031671005623548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07912978067542949,0.1159541123561612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10632517384758583,0.08701929869861014,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12750171764216753,0.0,0.0,0.12355027656899314,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555730330140815,0.12943418075512966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07298407512579644,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2349012828846018,0.11823659861653213,0.0,0.0,0.09903418429029244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13123909050338434,0.0,0.18907488540506528,0.12729890279696476,0.10023336409238884,0.0,0.12621236825263518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11070013645401958,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2623002259664744,0.0,0.05912567176961265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09051088353305237,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23228627989919096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11144780205139998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.250407514681415,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11572206990152775,0.0,0.05528822700671723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1142675404243698,0.0,0.09032971356197332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12035557930421052,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07668564681120123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1225500456238095,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10698045240890668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10828660698949644,0.1322874760527511,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1281974189615985,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11805903003320135,0.1278477633839883,0.0,0.0,0.3816171247439559,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08010097768924125,0.0,0.09037620668196683,0.0,0.2592673978216604,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07518387024400691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12573394512698147,0.076833724814518,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09774092030821427,0.0,0.09337555078456768,0.06674948916099083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20981596173175385,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08039138537570407,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,rednblueman,2019/08/12,"I don’t know how to help my girlfriend My girlfriend has ptsd symptoms due to me being unfaithful. One of her triggers is me being at work and she really struggles being alone. I am trying to work from home 2-3 days a week but it’s hard to do much more so without quitting my job, I don’t really know what to do at those times that I can’t be directly there for her. She says I am the only thing that makes her happy and comfortable so I feel a lot of pressure to be there for her. I want to help more than anything but it seems impossible at times I don’t feel I am being enough help and she gets into a very bad state and I feel helpless which often makes the situation worse. Does anyone have any practical advice or things I definitely should or shouldn’t be doing?",2.651283653846153,4.175412368750003,4.181250000000002,87.00644230769232,75.3125,7.1730769230769225,22.93269230769231,7.882392219407189,1.012908653846154,609,17,129,9,13,203,93,160,0.125,0.737,0.138,0.4909,1,1,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,3,6,6,0,2,5,0,22,1,0,4,0,25,32,11,0,3,5,0,4,0,2,2,1,1,1,0,9,5,0,0,6,0,0,0,6,4,0,1,0,5,23,2,18,23,5,10,0,1,0,0,13,4,0,5,5,97,32,3,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15294478386546642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16210248306880432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10643566267775333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10943902540090936,0.0,0.12879862468317016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1306836046817203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10093931745262684,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13696745419476458,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16172197927823784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2374162733826561,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0817727009908125,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16661327745711954,0.1402068231878123,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3147263984532188,0.0,0.15699744739323704,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553171262710216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17203325599642513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13306357542482555,0.0,0.0,0.20895014329707184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11505663713566755,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10605870985134846,0.119036817198068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18295782357014145,0.0,0.0,0.16647311775885612,0.0,0.0,0.2005352136162637,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12446712178906864,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14248550562017548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17592957565740622,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16362360793846334,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16267915956393492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20796340935461308,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18253047418232635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10626350648073343,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914138250997673,0.09231668503860352,0.0,0.12554700486713166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15087501019312102,0.0,0.22788977275112754,0.0,0.1595022996393685,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Rachelnm02,2019/08/12,"Could I have PTSD, even though I didn’t go through one major trauma? Ever since I was born, I’ve been living with my abusive parents. My siblings are alright, but my relationship with my parents has been rocky since I was young. Now, as a teenager, I’m beginning to realize that maybe I have developed some sort of stress because of them. Let me summarize everything: Mom: She likes to control my life; who I hang out with, what classes I do and don’t take, what topics I talk with my friends, what my career will be, etc. Multiple times, she’s banned my friendships with other kids, just because she doesn’t like them, and even tells me lies about them just to see us apart. She’s usually calling me names (for example; dumb, easy to step on, liar, and so on). She yells at me whenever I confront her about her verbal abuse. She’s homophobic (made me cry when my sister outed me, then I had no choice but to go back to the closet). She yells whenever things don’t go her way. She says I deserve to be hit. She throws things whenever she gets mad. She does some mild gaslighting to me, and whenever I confront her about it, she says “well, sometimes kids are disrespectful towards their parents”. Which is kind of annoying, since I just wanted to talk to her about it, in a calm manner. But whenever I try to talk, she does a tantrum, and I have no choice but to not defend myself anymore, because we end up fighting even more, and threatens to kick me out of the house. She uses my personal life against me, for example: “I bet you’re not like this with your friends!” “I’m going to tell everyone what an awful person you are!” “You’re in a bad mood. What, did one of your friends got mad at you?” “You’re not thankful for the things that I do for you! I take you to your classes, and you still won’t respect me!” My mom kicked out my dad out of the house a few months ago, and whenever I hang out with him, she says things like: “You know you’re not a priority to him, right?” “He doesn’t care about you” “If you keep acting like this, I’m going to kick you out too!” When I was younger, I used to be chubby, and of course my mom fat shamed me till I had an eating disorder at 12 years old. I’m not going to lie: I’m terrified of her. Right now, I’m just holding on so I can go to college and get away from her. Dad: He was always violent; throwing things, and often shouted at my mom and my siblings. He didn’t acknowledge any of the abuse he did, up to this day, and maybe that’s the reason why my mom is so angry all the time. He also has called me dumb. And has yelled at me, and doesn’t apologize for the things he does. Neither of them does. I feel like I don’t have an adult who takes care of me, emotionally. I’ve heard that one can develop Complex PTSD, so maybe this is that? Any advice/comment is appreciated, TIA!",3.1110629489833173,4.297665258289705,4.104707983278544,89.36817362717646,73.55497382198952,7.424473395835871,25.71650635171882,7.900780265707199,1.2396689719550311,2175,71,479,30,43,704,243,573,0.18100000000000002,0.711,0.10800000000000001,-0.995,3,0,0,0,4,0,90.0,2,12,5,1,28,33,11,2,17,2,43,4,1,5,2,67,76,31,0,3,14,11,1,6,3,2,3,8,1,5,26,30,2,4,6,0,1,13,17,15,1,3,15,10,99,17,75,53,8,59,0,0,1,0,85,24,2,6,27,321,125,4,0.0,0.23169024653413564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0577799631255816,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0521260696483623,0.05423669535449874,0.0,0.0,0.08865207166321057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06464308834980066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06124069081602319,0.05012098051462301,0.054424297251413976,0.11920313591318285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13311634163249736,0.0,0.1329149081839523,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07310722257498793,0.052042570813792016,0.0,0.0715994319435089,0.04203703617432452,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07470428760513526,0.0,0.228165039035168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669751986367217,0.0,0.07332104397574818,0.05773195789579461,0.0,0.07269522674279824,0.12915640719412375,0.0589609048052256,0.0,0.062284251425947734,0.058581432357712675,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.03295800792142271,0.04656607652361047,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1510784930614116,0.0,0.06810987187893949,0.0,0.2593112668187513,0.0,0.05213204769247223,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15042269092720498,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05793680965822786,0.0,0.06787708476475338,0.035822355391409245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06665307233438958,0.09208003295600677,0.19106797158336472,0.0,0.057556952967518726,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06167684099055405,0.0,0.0,0.19645242030951066,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.38170220304765934,0.05202769823521289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06839760692585954,0.0,0.1325071518751576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.217130890793316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.113828920803661,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15238867949356374,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06701801350018544,0.0,0.06998113848797978,0.0,0.11133024578954763,0.0,0.1555061704360169,0.0,0.0,0.05194166248688575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16175782024345287,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06446672381338725,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05205447713134408,0.0,0.0746658292392329,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14702639081861912,0.15717261177152256,0.11394398650895328,0.0600108831502104,0.0,0.0,0.2598243850641836,0.0,0.06404104277653642,0.0,0.07601636646414016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.044254339920988935,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07840599224785562,0.11259274288606907,0.07178882998450788,0.0,0.0384460676612244,0.05173848507020395,0.0,0.0,0.05860649978382537,0.0,0.05881667052149659,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0419751094140424 ptsd,2p_blog_thing,2019/08/12,"Did anyone else’s ptsd trigger lucid dreams? So, before my ex best friend assaulted me, I’ve only had one lucid dream when I was 12. But now almost every single night I am very aware that I am dreaming. Has anyone else experienced this? I figured it’s my brain not trusting itself so I have to control my dreams, but it’s an odd thing I’ve never seen brought up.",2.0592277992277985,4.125228783783786,3.681505791505792,87.49689189189192,78.72972972972974,5.3096525096525085,21.382239382239387,6.1826913282559595,0.3430833976833973,286,8,56,2,7,95,55,74,0.09300000000000001,0.767,0.14,0.3572,0,0,0,0,0,0,8.0,0,0,0,2,4,4,1,0,1,0,7,1,1,2,1,8,9,5,0,0,3,1,0,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,6,0,0,1,1,4,0,1,2,1,0,1,5,2,9,3,2,4,2,6,0,0,1,0,2,1,0,1,4,36,15,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22069380296765884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3082106817610879,0.4516415402297621,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18753995162127807,0.0,0.23129100389937646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.246033760796612,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2471917851049168,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3682235615793235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18569233214950584,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17027666613242873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699822467046554,0.0,0.0,0.2068258210732751,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14934538730693914,0.16762036416573242,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2576300151134642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14642067567702616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18184899491364911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Forcenight96,2019/08/12,"Feedback request Hi, so I have complex PTSD, I like think I manage it okay but there so many moments when I'm violently and irrationally angry... I don't like hurting anyone in anyone it's just rage. It gets worst at night. I'll wake every half hour covered in sweat and ready to fight... it takes me a few seconds to calm down but I just don't understand?? I don't have a bad life now or anything but that anger is still there. I grew up fighting but I never took any pleasure in it. People, friends jump out and surprise me just for fun I find myself holding back a fist and scared out of my mind....",0.07032998565279769,2.4342094715447202,1.7179435676709716,95.6326398852224,92.4959349593496,3.869727403156384,20.24342419894787,5.5289334501034215,-0.16468971783835462,467,16,100,3,17,151,85,123,0.233,0.568,0.19899999999999998,-0.8777,0,0,0,0,3,0,19.0,0,0,0,0,11,17,5,1,3,1,6,3,2,0,1,21,12,12,0,0,8,0,0,2,1,0,1,0,0,0,6,6,0,1,4,0,0,3,4,9,0,2,1,0,13,8,12,11,2,19,0,1,0,0,5,8,0,1,10,65,19,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1495667995147677,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3075744418632841,0.0,0.1809919494191489,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16912034887561725,0.18364078363917974,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18530900711432316,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20102125266615206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1699251636859871,0.0,0.11490961644973398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2165966796587679,0.0,0.2354504093472315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1553501860708294,0.21490323135044265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2229847247036761,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22207678745676648,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16963135202879967,0.0,0.0,0.206398870136627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1524787615406998,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25709818898222697,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22019839342465228,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17564443557568274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1653675716493828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14092872534482645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2443615265049528,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2289653845496614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,mia-oklan,2019/08/12,"The possible consequences after being raped are killing me I’ve just posted this on r/mentalhealth and someone told me you guys could probably offer some more help than they could, so. Recently I’ve been sexually assaulted, and I’ve been trying to make sure I’m at least physically okay. I know almost for a fact I’m not pregnant, since I took all possible precautions after and it wasn’t very likely for me to be in the first place. However, the test results from my blood exam and some others won’t arrive till a week and a half from now, and it’s killing me. There are diseases that I cannot ever get rid of, and diseases that will impact my life forever. I’m so fucking scared. I don’t know how to deal with what happened, much less with the consequences of it. I don’t know what I’ll do if the results come back positive. Probably something stupid. Besides that, I’ve read every single article about behaviour after rape and trauma and RTS and everything relevant I could find to try and force myself to get better as soon as possible. I want to know what I’ll go through before I do so I can have control over it. I hate the idea of being a slave to my own emotions. I’m not sure it’s working though. I can sleep, and I don’t cry unless someone else cries, but it’s like I can’t control myself. I’m angry all the time, I yell, and I’m rude, and I hate it. And I hate so many things, which isn’t something I did before. I try not to be a terrible person but something inside me just... I don’t know. I know no one can change what happened or anything about it, but I have no one to talk to about this. Maybe this isn’t the right sub, I don’t know, but everyone I talk to feels bad after, and cries, and that only makes it worse.",3.1055234843782347,4.321041393854749,4.479435133457481,86.56344403062279,73.60893854748603,7.761804262362922,25.54976205255535,8.285830014693849,1.4945179805503828,1361,44,288,22,27,452,176,358,0.166,0.78,0.053,-0.991,1,0,3,0,0,0,42.0,0,1,1,5,16,21,11,1,13,1,31,6,2,7,6,62,60,33,2,5,12,0,1,2,0,2,1,1,0,2,23,20,0,2,10,1,0,3,16,15,0,4,6,2,35,6,37,45,10,23,0,0,0,3,10,6,1,5,15,194,58,4,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08686032662352264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07138188609462802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06669981465178823,0.07242656671818394,0.0,0.0,0.1476233698793165,0.0,0.0,0.07671690664317388,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09176231985924192,0.07472119191316717,0.0,0.0,0.19457872313715247,0.20777106463049416,0.0,0.2858484884435999,0.0,0.08942795862862579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0724624307505904,0.09757391002818057,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846377668255915,0.07308450171731087,0.08288640771151799,0.07795878373041233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04385973692213988,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07928129514304554,0.0737833324349859,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08019226766236083,0.09063900553495544,0.0,0.0492978995346924,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08588895272281744,0.15341264139314073,0.0,0.0,0.256921499359944,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.058141831821117075,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09792199788911823,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1919359850797337,0.0,0.333700799211274,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06126896429634224,0.08475624485429076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11580290833832738,0.08794352605583781,0.08714474383115607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06376589646552601,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11755825443905385,0.06597176442839643,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07574041690387688,0.09062770363267172,0.0,0.0,0.2933682264052768,0.08307556938043999,0.0,0.187046695131096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08676621629103005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08564799346966546,0.0,0.0,0.07407782811765197,0.0,0.0,0.08684461760924952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07175449294843561,0.0,0.08680538704422408,0.0,0.14699368841307334,0.20033640306805708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16350801644523036,0.0,0.0,0.1394410612862273,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.057628023726643225,0.0,0.08522430406276643,0.0,0.050580390702664776,0.0,0.0,0.08288640771151799,0.09637437856692042,0.17667788458803246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07157184697512138,0.05116311693753912,0.0,0.06957979577027516,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06314974962142297,0.0,0.08839826521980214,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Geishawithak,2019/08/12,"Is it normal to be terrified of specific things that have nothing to do with your trauma? For example, I'm terrified someone is going to break into my house and stab me. I have no trauma (that I remember) about that. I'm also terrified someone will sneak into my house and rape me. I've never been raped. I've been almost raped and I've been assaulted. Idk why I'm afraid of these things, but on the other hand I keep remembering more and more things that happened when I was young so maybe something like that has happened. My childhood is mostly a blank. My entire childhood was terrifying for all kinds of reasons from all kinds of people. I was never beaten except getting bruises from being grabbed, but I was chased and I had to hide and I was pinned against walls, and locked in rooms, and threatened, and watched bad things happen to people I love. Somehow I always escaped and protected my sisters from what I could. I'm just confused and feel bad because I don't remember actually being seriously beaten or raped, but I have all of these strong reactions to things like that. My body freaks out, but my brain is just... Confused? I don't want to read into things that didn't happen, but it feels like they did happen. Sorry for the rant. It's my first time posting and I've never gotten a chance to talk to anyone besides my therapist about these things. I'm afraid to bring this specific thing up to her because what if I'm just overreacting or subconsciously want to be a victim? I don't want this, but it doesn't make sense. Did it happen or am I just giving myself excuses to be afraid? Anyone else have this problem?",4.4852004219409265,6.085499882911392,5.079177215189876,82.09868143459916,70.74050632911394,7.6717299578059075,27.090717299578056,8.212053250817874,1.8019729957805903,1297,44,241,19,24,416,150,316,0.19399999999999998,0.679,0.128,-0.9236,0,0,1,0,0,0,35.0,0,1,1,4,10,27,8,5,5,0,34,8,3,2,6,57,59,25,0,7,15,1,4,3,0,1,0,0,1,0,29,17,0,2,6,1,0,2,9,20,0,1,13,5,31,7,36,39,6,22,0,0,1,5,8,9,0,9,12,176,60,3,0.0,0.0,0.08727672456852971,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08955732721147648,0.0,0.0,0.07152201053206485,0.07441799319490272,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12507159016420122,0.09163784541467024,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14935080229430472,0.10903882324463317,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0993433363883644,0.0,0.09984025706404302,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07140744205287895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0747123787525817,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09044315082926767,0.0638931620593275,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07607429424337106,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04672666677849312,0.08579524903781598,0.05082859219034203,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.474528245208153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2063944847047393,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07949490798986794,0.0,0.1862678542303285,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13108187101111146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08071956492946207,0.0,0.05969928595276335,0.0,0.08985057553230083,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2069358833401624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08762838116792003,0.08581634246517178,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12400745040213886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08565505380299765,0.0,0.0,0.0855782615221353,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08946029476676153,0.0,0.0,0.09195519822870284,0.0,0.0,0.30394097344159776,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1515578211936678,0.0688522731430664,0.0,0.10011638285413553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07188534304304779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10384219620277553,0.4753389242761668,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.052150904523724714,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1582551729719158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08070216221705166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,HeckinYes,2019/08/12,"Is it possible to have PTSD despite not going through a specific traumatic event? As a kid, I would have to go to my dad’s every weekend. He scared me all the time and made me feel unsafe, and technically kidnapped me once (kept me longer than visitation hours) and told me repeatedly that I’d never see my mother again. When I was seven, I refused to go once and screamed in an alley that I couldn’t go. And they didn’t make me. Anyway, I didn’t have a specific traumatic event. He wasn’t physically or sexually abusive, just emotionally. And I’ve been having these daydreams every single day where he comes to my college and grabs me and says he’s taking me like he was always going to. I have violent daydreams about it too, like he really hurts me. Even though he never has. Also, as a kid, I had recurring nightmares about him taking me and I clung to my mother before going to school and sobbed whenever I had to leave her for anything. Those things stopped when I stopped seeing my dad. But I started seeing him again and ever since then, I’ve had these daydreams about him taking me. So, my question is, is it possible to have PTSD without a specific traumatic event? Just long-term fearfulness is my trauma.",5.214728723404253,6.279621672340426,6.1057845744680845,77.4471875,68.44680851063829,9.10904255319149,30.006648936170212,9.354420925462401,2.669175531914893,963,36,177,19,16,318,123,235,0.182,0.797,0.021,-0.9890000000000001,0,0,0,0,0,0,29.0,0,0,1,0,17,9,1,2,7,0,22,0,0,2,4,32,41,21,0,2,6,4,2,2,0,1,0,2,0,2,9,12,0,4,2,1,0,8,8,7,0,1,12,7,34,2,20,27,2,30,0,2,3,0,23,2,1,2,22,126,43,2,0.0,0.1408256164772129,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09504956728961696,0.09889819929720807,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09780884140142247,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10113819878987633,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1023844228418367,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07665266392539256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13369765935032082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07850365277424247,0.10751258490322536,0.2002835965386016,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13374670110647618,0.06009746011528455,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4052936144573119,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11704979341240115,0.0,0.12723843143106614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12585196092869705,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613464653685195,0.0,0.0,0.10518433664863576,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11246497362048584,0.07933769276194096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18333904972613507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2531567658188265,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2679858798785624,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2778739725325606,0.0,0.13314657569623656,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0761425712123945,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09451952615724864,0.11899617529088395,0.1202892084664244,0.2841399271220672,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09831939452159133,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08412730191244958,0.0,0.0,0.1987388525526884,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2680960778692226,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07896303307935212,0.0,0.11677599032016953,0.0,0.0693062299544819,0.0,0.0,0.1135725595067964,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11457350557676588,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08443230711739898,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,pidgeonparty,2019/08/12,"Should I go get checked? I have ptsd symptoms (not professionally diagnosed) and get waves about something that happend. This incident didnt even specifically evolve me, evolved an amount of people I know well. An injury was obtained and now I'm super jumpy around everything and i just get waves of remembering and break down. I wasnt even that close with these people, so should I get checked for ptsd?",5.687031963470317,8.025329506849317,4.834452054794522,82.07213470319637,69.0,8.154337899543378,29.97488584474885,8.841846274778883,2.4165269406392693,326,13,59,6,6,97,50,73,0.067,0.843,0.08900000000000001,0.3736,0,0,1,0,0,0,9.0,0,0,0,2,8,2,0,0,2,0,6,2,0,0,0,13,13,5,0,2,2,0,0,0,0,2,2,0,0,0,4,7,0,0,2,0,2,1,3,0,1,0,3,0,7,2,7,8,1,6,0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,37,11,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1965156714509623,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2240581649559855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2916086186544777,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19839724880575493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.46133427106327796,0.0,0.1254581866413855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12131927249576548,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3060826433912137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5160934709832946,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500684603605568,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16994531940445531,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2294453729217245,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1984821444488835,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,ptsdsucksass,2019/08/12,"Question about age sliding for yall I have bad conflict trauma and whenever I am triggered I feel childlike and want to be held is this possible age sliding or do only people with DID or OSDD experience it, thanks for any possible answers on the matter they are greatly appreciated.",8.06935897435897,8.499270807692305,8.870000000000006,62.34166666666668,62.07692307692307,10.77948717948718,42.33333333333333,10.504223727775694,4.988133333333334,230,13,34,5,3,78,44,52,0.147,0.701,0.152,-0.1796,0,0,0,0,0,0,2.0,0,1,1,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,7,0,0,1,0,13,11,4,0,1,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,3,0,2,3,0,0,2,0,2,0,0,2,1,5,2,6,8,0,5,0,0,0,0,3,1,0,3,2,25,7,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194846656605092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23923619964135345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.28027618709097113,0.0,0.0,0.14487552363693482,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3158945504272529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2179149850757959,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1986401860966276,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6460272131340407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32097329633321925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26379349568183297,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16899972223686727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,assh0le_mom,2019/08/12,"Someone broke into my house Someone broke in while we were away. One of my cats is gone, the other is banged up. Nothing is missing but things are trashed and out of place. I’m starting to spiral and need help stopping.",2.894534883720933,5.1030356046511605,2.872267441860465,93.61677325581397,76.67441860465118,4.3,27.02906976744186,3.1291,0.4482139534883722,173,7,34,0,4,52,36,43,0.12,0.7759999999999999,0.105,0.0757,0,0,0,0,0,0,5.0,1,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,1,0,5,0,0,0,0,8,10,4,0,1,1,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,1,0,0,0,1,0,3,0,1,2,0,3,0,8,8,0,10,0,3,0,0,2,6,0,0,3,24,5,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2942133639392699,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2098968671789207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3613313739670512,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2321956764052195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3004744722333707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.212197556775446,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.32717357668817953,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.53065948778333,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22164815017898204,0.0,0.0,0.2618062034298885,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20804197705965094,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,FightBoy9000,2019/09/15,"Has healing ever felt like healing I had three majorly traumatic events occur to my through out my life. These happened when I was 8, 10 and 13. The only way my mind could handle it all (at the time) was through repression. I'm 25 now, and studying trauma I realized that have been carrying around trauma without knowing it for 17 years. So much is starting to make sense, so many things rushing to my head. My life-long mental illness, never being able to concentrate, constant mental and physical tension, ect. I am truely happy to really start healing, but it is just a lot for me. I'm getting so many helpful insights and stressful flashbacks. I just feel like a lot is being thrown at me right now. I guess what I'm asking is, can anyone relate?",3.5358041958041966,5.810086216783217,4.5433566433566455,82.08118881118884,74.94405594405596,6.637762237762238,29.181818181818183,7.61054688173877,2.072451748251748,591,26,102,8,13,192,97,143,0.109,0.813,0.078,-0.3775,0,0,0,0,0,0,21.0,0,0,0,0,10,8,0,3,4,0,15,6,1,1,3,25,28,9,0,1,4,0,2,2,0,0,5,0,0,0,7,6,0,1,5,0,0,1,2,5,0,1,5,2,13,3,14,20,5,18,0,0,0,0,2,5,0,3,13,73,20,0,0.16251793320139182,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1136363176245747,0.0,0.0,0.14467541635195333,0.15193232923494585,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1756241502371972,0.0,0.12975734545672934,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14700677490792732,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08217395014414478,0.1161028439516928,0.1560427020886008,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08490891241739923,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17903182585513186,0.0,0.1437140716062741,0.17300336190156992,0.0,0.0,0.16679028588949174,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1089323448938878,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08931560587635264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2295824448928489,0.15879610612861866,0.0,0.0,0.14382325674212085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2763338702230691,0.0,0.0,0.10848198238436227,0.32953535213590296,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3275597040823429,0.0,0.16409678387841858,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11946938045608285,0.0,0.12534384899769382,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1236022115382041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10411314951832676,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13878942697108793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23006205919031344,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1861637433914147,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10796969341209928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09476551378433017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1289991707881412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15666148814017108,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1046562206219546 ptsd,pyroparrot44,2019/09/15,"PTSD Borderline in a situation Currently in a situation where I have to live at home to pay bills and for a psychiatrist and meds. But the issue is that whenever I see my mom, or know she’s in the house, I must flee to my room and I wait there until I think she’s left the house. She never physically abused me except for spankings as a kid. She was pretty OCD too. But I don’t know why my emotional response indicates that I demonize her. Can anyone relate? I know no one who’s experienced anything similar. I’ve been in 12 car crashes since 2013.",3.109909909909913,4.736943414414416,5.272252252252251,79.23018018018018,74.31531531531532,9.257657657657658,26.74774774774775,9.725611199111238,2.5561423423423424,433,16,88,12,9,151,77,111,0.036000000000000004,0.889,0.075,0.5996,1,0,0,0,1,0,10.0,0,0,0,0,3,0,0,0,7,0,7,0,0,0,2,14,13,8,0,1,4,1,0,0,0,1,0,0,2,1,3,3,0,1,4,0,2,2,3,0,0,1,2,2,17,0,13,10,0,13,1,0,1,0,8,8,0,1,3,59,20,1,0.0,0.2177997833449856,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12853307214810955,0.0,0.15127037963225165,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20677574129379636,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18438910762354327,0.0,0.0,0.42421331908706017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1918630897355092,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3030723659662493,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1997238489142217,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16231876922548166,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2041855261722635,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2152908679662579,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14177536128694687,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.124562986149779,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.18701372220044327,0.0,0.0,0.21487884281548691,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14648285379447756,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15205999704519493,0.4132487247235992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1177861327667746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1658713513618017,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,k6ts,2019/09/15,"PTSD from car crash Back in march of 2017 I was in a car accident. I was being a dumbass and ran through a red light on my way to a concert. My car was hit on the side, we spun a bit and I overcorrected, causing the car to roll into a building. I was the only physical injury -- a miracle considering the looks of the car. Still, I cant stop panicking over how my friend reacted. I was unconscious for a bit and had a pool blood around me because of my injury, but she thought I died. I remember her asking if I was okay and telling me to please wake up. She wasn't hurt at all, and I just have a nasty scar from my injuries; no one was hurt other than me. Although it was my fault, no one seemed to blame me for what happened. At first, I was fine. After a while, I slowly started wondering why I didn't die and how I should be dead. She was fine, but I keep having dreams about her dying in the crash and it being my fault. I have nightmares where I am in the car again, looking at her and begging for her to wake up. She doesn't move, they get me out of the car and I have to explain to her mom and her little sister what happened. After the crash happened, they told me the accident wasn't my fault, an obvious lie, but they told me it was okay and they didn't blame me. That just made me feel worse. It's been a year and a half now, but I still have panic attacks over it. I just don't understand why I keep having these dreams and panicking over them. I go to a therapist and try to talk about it, but it's like I can't open up about it to anyone without a feeling of guilt. I shouldn't be holding onto this after all this time, I was the only injury and I caused the crash. I don't think I really deserve to be upset over something I caused. Still, at random times I think about just the idea of me crashing and seeing her body laying there in the passenger seat, me killing her that day due to my negligence. She is fine, she drives, she is back to normal, so why am I holding on?",3.5617890921948216,3.8052939069212433,4.76866613630337,88.51377530274908,71.74463007159905,8.021249889507647,26.019711835940953,7.921354282810032,1.219839494386989,1533,44,351,19,27,508,182,419,0.19699999999999998,0.695,0.107,-0.9932,0,0,1,0,0,1,48.0,1,0,5,1,21,17,2,3,30,2,40,4,4,7,3,62,66,27,5,4,11,2,2,1,1,2,0,1,0,0,16,21,0,5,11,4,0,11,13,10,0,4,23,8,72,7,57,35,4,59,0,2,4,0,30,27,0,4,21,263,88,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06912241178716971,0.0,0.0,0.08800279623278907,0.09241701284141796,0.11246296817650556,0.0,0.15202831972321534,0.0,0.060261698369780875,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2158502910162224,0.10980672744517997,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3046570209119201,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06375394006769311,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30779075336030104,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09996912499061082,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08408686075239033,0.0,0.0,0.07637589824531595,0.0,0.05164817842748329,0.0,0.05618214136928063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26225409564920826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21165477926922352,0.1115963880914905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17573550501260354,0.10936951421239717,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.04829604684254464,0.09907967963756342,0.0,0.0,0.1660282803262707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09353993482723463,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11577894919085804,0.0,0.10506828037443193,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09685788818036044,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1339747642873279,0.15036888104689813,0.0,0.1159862130475602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10851419907154494,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11555737063786553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06332968318491734,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11198457404883784,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07877543087178572,0.08999478711639748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07610417634299721,0.0,0.0,0.06997078365604324,0.0,0.2368395812819317,0.08264804017182305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07945670598351011,0.08640449884288931,0.0,0.0,0.11477943212185696,0.0,0.12668586280333433,0.0,0.0784806194871266,0.1152874539399295,0.0,0.0,0.1889222834884985,0.0,0.0671167330483994,0.0,0.0,0.10291257947163407,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07846728924180679,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2676064843291013,0.0,0.0,0.09529365365561526,0.10720511209310178,0.0,0.0,0.10074270669246428,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06366002110187352 ptsd,EvaDawn2,2019/09/15,"DAE Find that staying up until you can't keep your eyes open anymore greatly reduces nightmares? I haven't been diagnosed with PTSD but my therapist is saying my symptoms sounds like I might so not sure if this is the correct place to post and I may take this down later on. I get nightmares and it usually involves the parent who hasn't abused me to suddenly turn and murder or beat me in my dreams. I guess I subconsciously expect her to turn on me like I've had so many people do and I just keep waiting for it even though I know logically she wouldn't. Anyway, over the years I've noticed that when I just go to bed and try to sleep without being dead on my feet I have bad dreams, but when I stay up until I can't keep my eyes open I don't have any dreams. Sure, I don't sleep well due to other symptoms but I've been curious about this for many years. Is this something any of you have noticed or experienced? Is this another symptom of PTSD? I would really appreciate any feedback you all have on this question.",4.393291925465839,5.206236531400968,5.111694271911663,84.7492391304348,70.15942028985508,8.039889579020015,28.31228433402347,8.192908349453996,1.7417124913733613,810,28,167,11,14,262,113,207,0.07400000000000001,0.763,0.163,0.9608,1,0,1,0,1,0,12.0,0,4,0,1,11,8,1,0,3,0,23,9,5,0,4,36,34,18,2,4,10,1,0,2,0,4,4,2,1,0,12,8,0,4,4,3,0,1,9,2,1,0,3,5,29,6,24,26,1,26,0,0,2,0,11,12,0,7,12,114,41,1,0.0,0.1328407954124793,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2287310472016985,0.11756487843332873,0.0,0.0,0.1111903423138899,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0936133528898187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1137968095011696,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07405249086200802,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10247328012476978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05857671842807166,0.0,0.06371890695613115,0.0,0.0,0.12360983860071888,0.123509965611462,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2989653122827432,0.0,0.0,0.06161679554830391,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10954980497741244,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2273389092451113,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11893885257461205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25529282520814445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12449311385818145,0.0,0.0,0.07772809410548975,0.0,0.11713882883294476,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10737748515947808,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2621185012999655,0.0,0.12559715671330254,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07182528276908005,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08916026324494207,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2243967565583372,0.0,0.0,0.08631345856859654,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2390044793760357,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21133866117608827,0.3495987490359137,0.08429833795396231,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1301769526330146,0.0,0.0,0.1101547845290023,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07612036074240529,0.24390309008999836,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12348148555491607,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10080701493592163,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1080771808052158,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07964499014141292,0.0,0.0,0.14439987022757242 ptsd,BigFprime,2019/09/15,"Do I belong here? People here are talking about what it used to be like and how it is now but I only know this. There is no memory of before. I suffered through some prolonged and severe trauma as a child. I got removed from my family when I was 15 and spent 13 months in a psych facility. I was released to a state group home and turned 18 there and was shoved to the curb on that birthday. Basically the trauma now is every single person who has ever loved me or I loved heart and soul has abruptly stopped and abandoned me. Parents and two wives. The wives I don’t blame them, it must have been hard being married to an emotional shell of a person. This background is relevant to my current symptoms and questions. Here’s what happens every single day. I have things I need to do to survive, and I can generally do them. I go to work daily and don’t get fired- I don’t do a very good job but always just enough to avoid detection. I try though but am awful. I have things I need to do after work for me, cook dinner, clean up, wash clothes, whatever. I intend to, and today will be different I swear every day, but every day is the same. I freeze and I shut down. I subconsciously let my vision go unfocused and it’s like I’m gone, I’m in a trance. I don’t feel anything, I’m a shell. I can do things that allow mind numbness such as play video games or watch short videos, usually porn, but nothing beyond that will ever get done. I’ve been trying to find where my mind goes just before it leaves and where it is when it is gone and I finally think I know. Responsibility triggers a terror and I go through those three times in my life over and over and over again when my dearest loved one suddenly withdrew their love. My mom is blaming me for her mental unhealth and ending our relationship (at 15), my first wife is on the phone with her boyfriend and it suddenly clicks or my second wife is staying out after work every night and finally admits to random encounters every night. I’m there. It hurts so bad I have to be numb. I must be numb now, I’m not sure how I can write this. Then my mind builds panic and anxiety. If I’m single it tells me I always will be and if I’m seeing someone, all of a sudden I’m convinced she’s cheating and will eventually betray me and I live in that terror. I turn into a detective, virtually stalking and spying and never able to relax around her again, then it ends. The thing is, everyone I was seeing except one was sleeping around and I found out. It’s like it does protect me from that hurt again so it’s almost a reward for this thinking. I’m at a loss, my therapist wants to talk about my mom and tell me my fears of being unloved forever or eventually cheated on again are unfounded but they are clearly founded. I don’t understand. My psychiatrist prescribes me anti anxiety medication and says see you in a month. The meds give me this mental she’ll effect full time, which is what I’m trying to stop doing. Internet strangers, does anybody know what’s wrong with me? Is this PTSD? What part of that should I emphasize to my mental health professionals? I need help and I don’t know who can help me or what help I need. I’m desperate. I’m so tired of living month to month in a pig sty I can’t make myself clean for the life of me.",2.1691183782750016,4.273798927710846,3.661440045897877,87.58421017402945,78.54819277108435,6.44478867852362,22.437272901128324,7.507097639713082,0.9132740772614272,2584,79,527,37,63,852,304,664,0.18899999999999997,0.696,0.11599999999999999,-0.9953,4,1,0,0,0,0,65.0,1,1,4,8,34,33,2,5,23,1,65,20,2,8,8,105,115,58,0,10,17,7,4,3,0,8,11,1,3,3,40,39,2,6,14,6,1,6,10,20,0,6,14,10,80,13,65,85,9,77,1,5,5,5,43,27,0,11,45,366,120,6,0.06455453918584701,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0646420461107602,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10742909591787564,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09876809156725826,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05312288534674226,0.1149344524649778,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05390034377527908,0.0,0.0,0.10986231636136096,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12489701193327216,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06744575371593149,0.0,0.0,0.1129842245337951,0.06606170644440744,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07261516778064607,0.1143523218325955,0.06670209549503553,0.0,0.0,0.11678655302143005,0.32633990087112663,0.06168462861607789,0.0,0.0,0.06085627433755667,0.07264180381428187,0.03264071465923985,0.0,0.0,0.14143268455429694,0.059001679311779874,0.05491005805377985,0.0,0.14156144043162205,0.0,0.0,0.06745416466851438,0.06192659626041135,0.11006349683776856,0.05414528469972165,0.05163016215630592,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0570853658074049,0.0,0.05782818730680402,0.0,0.0,0.06861845644821125,0.0,0.07649743975321648,0.12980864059496527,0.0,0.06475346625880486,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13821393869437146,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06406041921314938,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14190994595797127,0.0,0.0,0.06835393605818367,0.0,0.06601139002137145,0.09119356026299166,0.09461426121143944,0.0,0.11400568159017355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.23305196797084116,0.0,0.04309065618076483,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07170554025634752,0.06503190674777029,0.19516737632902936,0.0,0.19554504644156007,0.15121099217144746,0.20610726916765826,0.0,0.0,0.1914654913548385,0.049788440281230584,0.0,0.0,0.12116012396300695,0.0,0.06194182139436994,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08748765287387092,0.04909663598978144,0.0,0.07574084268211385,0.07168017625123155,0.06990627514435217,0.0,0.04475398929695632,0.11273306726485925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07546080176488186,0.0,0.07231585788848376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0693074162237258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.05133636059006523,0.0,0.0,0.15432482948026982,0.0,0.0,0.07292825456096552,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06460115970201209,0.0,0.05469685156477051,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06880654951736595,0.0,0.1079409706405748,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06084188921107046,0.06709688370568861,0.0,0.10377298663020028,0.11284702520984374,0.0,0.0,0.07495279553544146,0.17154866953957942,0.08272788422448664,0.06342450698879691,0.0,0.07528454186623973,0.07419594643778997,0.06119015498403881,0.0,0.0,0.13148488390784258,0.14043360266325394,0.06306040464315987,0.06720355193056747,0.0,0.055754395138313526,0.07109770471660996,0.05326425552658645,0.038075939762250134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14098942010444288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07058025465838758,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PsychologicalInjury2,2019/09/15,"The hopelessness I'm sorry if this might seem like a vent-post but because of myself I don't have anyone else to talk to. I feel so alienated: I can't help but feel patronized every time someone tries to be close to me. How could they possibly understand the nightmares, the panics, the flashbacks. I know actively push everyone away when I am feeling most vulnerable and I hate it. I want nothing more to be understood and have my experience understood but every-time someone gets close I freak out. It feel like the closer I want someone to get the more I react and demand they stay away. I feel so lonely but I react like anyone who gets close is the enemy. I am in therapy. I have tried psychotropics. I just feel like I'm at a loss. I feel so alone but anyone who reaches out I'm liable to bite. I don't know what this post is meant to be. I don't think I could hear advice if it was offered. I just want to stop feeling the way I do. All this shit just gets so weird sometimes. I just want to know I'm not going crazy, or any crazier than I am. I think I just want to hear something I haven't been told. Thank you for your time.",1.7620279720279726,3.7307666324786375,3.3838228438228453,89.74678321678324,79.25641025641025,6.6477078477078475,22.174825174825173,7.686295010490155,0.9025025641025644,888,27,190,14,22,294,114,234,0.223,0.66,0.11699999999999999,-0.9865,0,3,1,0,0,1,24.0,0,2,2,1,12,13,2,1,10,0,22,1,1,3,1,54,59,17,0,9,14,0,8,4,0,1,0,2,0,0,9,8,0,1,18,0,0,2,6,8,0,0,6,10,33,5,20,47,4,19,0,3,0,0,12,10,1,6,8,121,42,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10071235447981723,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10674259248517068,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07008664119153718,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2161929614375835,0.1056006252309706,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1936629000549648,0.0,0.0,0.06282648755532172,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16457546536163187,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08609623974749911,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08683535338936776,0.0984814883550076,0.0,0.10081577431934073,0.0,0.0,0.416895584229904,0.14725701659433746,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21538547548513864,0.0,0.0585733011358085,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10175376295483736,0.0,0.0,0.2323198678556696,0.0,0.0690812196054972,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16992283576799844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20140627084920967,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1093339726212918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09889210487598896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12092268501804478,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11618848964563387,0.19741248159771627,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09382504187182823,0.0,0.0,0.1057930914872474,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2619758343990833,0.07934323487834201,0.10193233064801152,0.11537103013955645,0.0,0.10985186353665656,0.0,0.08616561112274625,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08283845103448262,0.0,0.0948869249421382,0.11786197155095544,0.0,0.0,0.1320777209764163,0.0,0.0,0.12019418612791485,0.0,0.0,0.0984814883550076,0.0,0.1399465566915932,0.0,0.0,0.10729262646707888,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30394729630621803,0.08180692387392682,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,PinkUdon,2019/09/15,"I feel so defeated today (pointless rant) My life right now, objectively, is really good. I'm financially secure, I'm majoring in something that feels right for me, my counsellor said I've come a long way, and most importantly I am safe. I can't stop hurting. The pain today is just too much. I tried all day to live like a normal person. I did mindful activities and tried to distract myself. I couldn't even finish my ""dinner"" (piece of steak, bread, and half a corn) because I can't stop crying. I can't help but think about how many more days I have to spend hurting like this and I just can't bear it. It doesn't matter how much good happens to me because it won't take away how disgusting and violated I always feel. I'm so tired of being afraid. Afraid of others, afraid of triggering myself, afraid of how much longer I'll continue to hurt like this.",3.3428991596638653,5.109063676470587,4.555126050420171,84.03235294117653,74.0,7.680672268907562,23.907563025210084,8.418075326091056,1.4502857142857153,675,20,135,12,14,222,102,170,0.154,0.682,0.16399999999999998,-0.4944,0,0,1,0,0,0,26.0,0,0,0,1,12,19,2,5,4,0,13,5,0,5,1,27,24,12,0,2,3,0,3,3,0,1,3,1,0,1,7,6,2,4,4,0,1,1,7,12,0,1,2,4,18,7,14,19,8,16,0,4,0,0,3,4,0,1,13,81,25,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135142128436432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12817316332686896,0.0,0.0,0.1663234341403804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11751566003153617,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14985339914234402,0.17596208767584506,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09010558749647918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20693751536529803,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2288489657059901,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12063771567942153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0914409361917195,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.4381284135604605,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09635904613379843,0.19994701237008733,0.0,0.12046331670988415,0.12072936881559307,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13831071541206533,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13774754925646332,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.30085807863010305,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13366480717892426,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14516285704170204,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11911861756523127,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08739556530338173,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2330076553132321,0.1297687684473443,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10502448739596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2281101634739689,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1025725289980145,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08741384796853782,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15679726956863305,0.25862461998576397,0.0,0.0,0.1852434602887137,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1082856056785849,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,jukeboxjourney,2019/09/15,"Help: Having a panic attack I’m a musician and am alone in a hotel room after a gig. I’m freaking out because it’s not the safest hotel and at some point I had lost my key in the parking lot. I got them replaced but now am having a huge trigger response worried that someone is going to find the key and search every door to find where it works. I have sexual traumas and this is really triggering some stuff. Hard to breathe.",4.064482758620688,4.934668494252879,5.3914367816091975,82.23474137931036,70.95402298850577,7.639080459770115,28.29310344827586,7.793537801064563,1.7849172413793108,337,12,65,4,6,113,62,87,0.21899999999999997,0.727,0.054000000000000006,-0.8952,0,1,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,1,2,2,5,1,1,8,0,8,1,1,2,0,14,13,5,0,0,2,0,1,0,0,0,0,0,2,0,5,5,0,0,2,2,0,1,1,5,0,0,3,1,5,0,8,10,3,11,0,1,0,0,2,8,0,3,2,45,10,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24980892292540366,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2743981347126011,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14703237781639586,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20322015417658487,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.44090215144677775,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13707867617094294,0.0,0.19290848870564611,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21606649586282764,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16167028233289338,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2632966747572452,0.20505835461736868,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2829944916861769,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22801056171009754,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1545179468374694,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20436672153717447,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2761145968087492,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1755953937254333,0.2449488030292063,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,Gearworx31,2019/09/15,"Wondering why I still try Trigger warnings- don’t read. Today has degraded into a tailspin for me after all the hard work I put in up until now. I have C-PTSD and have a lot a repressed memories that my wife doesn’t believe happened. They are brutal memories for me and I walked to a nearby bridge and stood there for 1/2 hr. trying to get the courage to jump. I left my phone at home so I couldn’t be tracked by it. I visualized it in my mind the jump but couldn’t come to do the deed so I walked home. I’m a very bad person and don’t feel I deserve to live after what I have done. I wish I could have done it because when I got home I was asked why I even came home if I’m so unhappy. Now wishing I had jumped but I don’t have my affairs in order yet so I decided to sort out the financial stuff first. Crazy how one day I’m on top of the world and the next I can’t stand to live. I can’t take this much longer. Feeling hopeless.",0.35231707317073097,2.1072270975609757,2.4523780487804885,95.73661585365856,82.90243902439025,5.660975609756098,20.98170731707317,6.742157984588678,0.19436097560975613,725,22,175,8,20,244,119,205,0.136,0.8,0.064,-0.9296,0,0,0,0,0,1,16.0,0,0,1,3,12,6,1,1,12,0,22,0,0,2,1,28,38,15,0,6,3,1,3,0,0,0,0,0,4,1,7,9,0,1,4,1,0,8,8,5,0,2,7,3,27,1,23,27,3,33,0,1,0,0,6,11,0,4,12,116,34,2,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1209081262960513,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10798696501619448,0.0788396942650654,0.0,0.0,0.14571307406637846,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14792155522190184,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11140821804369327,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10326121893426513,0.0,0.0,0.08340855434055873,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2647034390899077,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08542268269666299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13078846868607638,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000988310598264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.06757072413697947,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343875611996664,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1143680163911715,0.0,0.11585622655182135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.5189228717887289,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14051978798940848,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22840536232668454,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10995359134243646,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13058862962119416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09507403074402827,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13754623675482416,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08763882981552235,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1129278677855299,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15118239308921905,0.13001455898551506,0.0,0.0,0.12936717544081264,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10328484307204733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14805439943103546,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09724170100254913,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12259178073419814,0.0,0.0,0.17561611626463222,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10671259022286916,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2334043455860654,0.0,0.2974512400543514,0.0,0.1402552282746581,0.09415536469766042,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,letsplaybro,2018/11/26,"Am I the only one still in the relationship...? (NSFW) I'm undiagnosed, but I've had flashbacks and many of the symptoms of ptsd after some events taking place between my boyfriend and I, nearly a year ago. We're in a long distance relationship of which I have remained in. We have only been able to have visits 3 times as of now, with the last one being 4 months ago. He did not hit me or belittle me. We were alone and he wanted me to do things and I froze... and it was my first time being... intimate with anyone. We didn't have sex, but I- oral, touching, stuff like that- and the flashbacks were usually about painting and it makes me feel so scared and sad suddenly And, I didn't say no when it happened, I just froze and shook Its very hard to talk about for me. I can't tell my parents. I told him about it and he feels terrible about it. I still love him even though the flashbacks have never truly gone away. We want to work on it. I want to, too. I told him I was willing to try being intimate with him again even though it terrifies me. He feels like a monster and I feel guilty about it... Am I the only one this has happened to?",1.9064602493357867,3.7396938540772564,3.1706192519926435,92.09264663805438,78.27038626609442,6.15483343552013,21.824851829143675,7.07126945348624,0.4795658696096457,880,25,194,10,21,285,125,233,0.146,0.7829999999999999,0.071,-0.9654,1,1,0,0,1,0,39.0,4,0,0,2,17,7,0,2,10,0,23,3,0,1,1,34,40,20,0,3,5,1,8,2,0,1,1,1,0,0,14,19,0,0,4,0,0,3,6,4,0,4,12,9,32,3,29,23,1,29,0,1,0,2,22,7,0,2,21,143,46,1,0.12361049786297895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2191464962497388,0.0,0.0,0.1280231968104009,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0864313341930255,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11613613175103553,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16328713608025444,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2500047271976594,0.0883073643718575,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1051430263357978,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21861671006058814,0.0,0.11073072650907896,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10075905383170544,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12077969089686215,0.0,0.0,0.10939140081321408,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11156330039738907,0.0,0.08251096717478495,0.12532164339825055,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09866472008129076,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09533603629740413,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.25128501725035063,0.28203406118147345,0.0,0.0,0.1372548295606667,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12914666111345996,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14449405716370806,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2654228295348041,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09830002926273873,0.12375567238654445,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19743100653512893,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14150444650060282,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847863689394792,0.09293971087669277,0.09935343589982293,0.1080410234854804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08212132220660369,0.0,0.2428933730911988,0.0,0.1441565507063897,0.0,0.0,0.2362302558391751,0.0,0.08392341404278153,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13613949983647322,0.101991606275547,0.2187260228314547,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0899899146381729,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07960110789439194 ptsd,Euphoric_Substance,2018/11/26,"Sleep problems after ASD I've had a bad drug experience that was traumatic and it gave me Acute Stress Disorder, today marks two weeks since the onset of the symptoms (dissociation and numbing, intrusion, negative mood, avoidance, and arousal.) I went to a psychiatrist who prescribed me four pills (among them an SSRI and a sedative) but I refused to take them. I realized I had more control than I thought and I understood the experience as it is, and so the symptoms gradually went away. Now I'm all good except for sleep, I can go to sleep okay, but I *always* wake up in the middle of the night, sometimes a bit confused about what I was dreaming, then I sleep and wake up again in cycles, then I go to sleep in the morning and that's when I'm usually able to get a couple of uninterrupted hours of sleep. So of you who were in the same situation, do you advise me to see a doctor or to wait on it a bit like the rest of the symptoms?",5.717253071253069,5.832224410810813,6.723685503685505,76.81211302211305,67.05405405405406,9.754299754299756,33.03439803439804,9.573946990214177,2.9239189189189188,736,30,146,14,11,247,109,185,0.12,0.828,0.052000000000000005,-0.8047,0,1,1,0,0,0,23.0,0,2,2,1,6,10,0,3,18,1,8,16,9,1,1,23,21,17,0,1,4,0,0,1,0,0,7,0,0,0,8,8,0,4,3,1,0,4,1,6,0,2,10,1,18,3,28,11,6,25,0,0,1,1,9,10,0,2,12,105,26,2,0.11021749029984376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09170978126852912,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1035529602746206,0.0,0.0920270006127241,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24065790665543,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12361828735470128,0.0,0.12195355664660727,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12631879267917032,0.11281227163684135,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12781729701054115,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21562770918297355,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0575840896225158,0.0,0.1252782794009238,0.09244520163010048,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1085420263226256,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.053846698460026,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10343164830884828,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10546325301974932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08782906986240151,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0911730469321488,0.12388907702884225,0.6617825283192054,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.109007916160475,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1262537627524427,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.34367452183453057,0.08286983596957179,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08750037588494043,0.0,0.0,0.10447329341137708,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10766647279523138,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12138899415553615,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08840982250200591,0.0,0.0,0.20434543545947795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,MJStead,2018/11/26,"I feel lost... what next? I’ve been doing therapy, and was just officially diagnosed with PTSD (Domestic Violence / Physical / Emotional Abuse). I’ve had an amazing two months since leaving the abuser. I’ve done a ton ... started a business and stattted personal projects too. However, the flash backs and nightmares are becoming daily. I can’t sleep tonight. I’m scared to go to sleep. I have my appointment with my doctor (no insurance till January) but he really works with me right now while I’m in this middle ground. Can he do anything to help? I know I need meds... all I take now is Adderall and Klonopin as needed (I was on Wellbutrin for depression but stopped that the day I left the a-hole). He takes my suggestions sometimes, is Paxil a good start? Xanax or Klonopin (I don’t feel much relief from the Klonopin anymore even though I don’t even take it daily). Any help and insight would really help me tonight. Thanks. ",3.0590483476132206,5.8518300639534875,3.582386780905754,85.5023929008568,79.75581395348838,7.574541003671971,28.82007343941248,8.532816995589336,2.567379069767442,729,34,134,17,19,228,116,172,0.085,0.768,0.14800000000000002,0.9252,1,0,0,0,3,0,37.0,0,0,0,2,8,7,0,1,9,0,16,5,2,0,1,21,31,12,0,3,4,0,2,0,0,1,3,0,0,1,4,8,0,1,4,0,0,1,4,3,0,1,6,2,15,4,12,24,3,20,0,2,0,0,8,6,0,1,13,78,19,3,0.0,0.3151370354025847,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.09043610423019753,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13188792920652026,0.0,0.0,0.10943743434772532,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10225922830455804,0.0,0.0,0.14687431674039614,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.08576597734641403,0.0,0.11454199447616585,0.13497957864946045,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1361184074799667,0.0,0.13609245082829252,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14959311047909507,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17567406429604918,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13448501692886514,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0755798976319662,0.1115436595901707,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2674162837758992,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.07308648755002686,0.0,0.0,0.1408146289673407,0.14449137799721012,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1451716363249206,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.14771920431188398,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.10614940524643293,0.0,0.09776116168769912,0.1972171880653041,0.0,0.0,0.14143378360728132,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11611961179337855,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15545534631765642,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17039047838066376,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1135706534918488,0.0,0.0,0.13314375198024925,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11000868764925653,0.0,0.2661672131523037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13152810182068805,0.0,0.18825856533990332,0.0,0.0,0.11118355875065496,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29997029409929205,0.0,0.0,0.12243708199254248,0.15208287004122886,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13065960695316345,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12990952671398928,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0968165308648221,0.0,0.0,0.09447055025490722,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,twelveblueoranges,2018/11/26,"Dissociating I’ve been struggling lately with what I guess is dissociating. Basically I’ll have these moments where I don’t feel like I’m in my body and I don’t feel like the sensory world is real and I’m just floating. I’ve done this off and on since childhood, but it’s been happening more and more often. I’ve noticed that this is coinciding with the presence of some of my triggers and added stress in my life. I was wondering, is this something that you guys struggle with as well? Is it a symptom of PTSD or something else entirely? ",4.317593457943925,5.781226308411218,5.3963434579439244,80.19582359813086,70.96261682242991,8.340654205607477,31.132009345794398,8.841846274778883,2.5134495327102804,433,19,85,8,8,143,67,107,0.087,0.852,0.06,-0.5803,0,0,2,0,0,0,8.0,0,1,0,0,4,6,0,3,3,0,12,3,1,1,0,19,19,8,0,0,3,0,2,2,0,0,2,0,0,1,9,8,0,0,3,0,0,0,2,3,1,0,4,2,8,3,11,15,3,9,0,0,0,0,2,6,0,5,5,57,17,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21179050367324795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19512079584585196,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15927965480016895,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19281615822769632,0.27242823657382936,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21004362575562624,0.1887924901101517,0.16860814845686412,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21508316842296432,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13467529838565007,0.186302685166824,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2170781538584596,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22288209748139645,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.21702329831021844,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15772353685630205,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.29357293882322283,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2184109303438236,0.3986577039797062,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19817831012960246,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1714345139189122,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20677261962733853,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,nosebros,2018/11/26,"Help Tonight was the first night I have done “sexual” things with a guy. He wouldn’t take no for an answer even though I clearly made it visible that I was extremely uncomfortable. Whenever I saw his face I only saw my rapists face. I’m currently safe in my room but my mind is in a very dark place. It feels as if I’m starting to dissociate Is there anything I can do to distract myself? I need to ease this pain I’m debating whether or not to post this but I have no one else to tell. I’m sorry ",0.0578901098901099,2.319456942857144,2.2819047619047663,93.08835164835169,89.09523809523809,6.278388278388277,21.41025641025641,7.61054688173877,0.9073663003663008,389,14,89,8,13,131,74,105,0.174,0.742,0.084,-0.8644,1,0,0,0,0,0,6.0,0,0,0,1,3,4,1,1,4,0,10,4,2,1,1,15,21,7,0,3,6,0,1,0,0,1,1,0,1,1,6,1,0,1,2,0,0,0,4,3,0,2,6,3,13,1,10,14,0,10,0,0,2,1,5,4,0,2,5,56,19,0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19416688680696134,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24145894549480795,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.19710609174231405,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1558428629124693,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11930349617065013,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.20069909526000126,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2336277657218529,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15815242627512774,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2232617572177804,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2382424112837889,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1749540623813932,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.2214232521585469,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1598859425809536,0.17945073767374126,0.2510676180965616,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.24651770968186984,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22597504155230905,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.26412689936035505,0.16700674574775304,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.17740516453374733,0.0,0.20623084973080952,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15675480954659313,0.0,0.2318198454187743,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.194683602108258,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0 ptsd,uncreative_connor,2018/11/26,"""Hole in your chest"" feeling? Its been 8 months since last trauma, and ive done (and doing) everything im supposed to do. Intpatient, outpatient, and therapy. I apply things ive learned in therapy, to my everyday life and im so much better off than i was. This leaves me with the question, why does it feel like a shotgun blew a whole thrrough my chest? Consistently now. It was like that in the beginning, then went away. Now we're here. My life isnt bad now. Things aren't the best either. Im stuck. Im just curious how others deal with, and process these feelings",1.4653708791208793,3.969370125000001,2.7307142857142885,90.82967032967035,84.35714285714286,6.6604395604395625,23.79395604395605,7.882392219407189,1.4029923076923074,442,17,92,9,13,142,79,112,0.073,0.792,0.135,0.7202,0,0,0,1,0,0,22.0,0,1,0,2,7,6,0,0,5,0,10,4,2,1,0,15,16,8,0,0,2,0,3,2,0,0,2,0,0,0,9,7,0,0,5,0,0,1,2,2,0,0,6,3,9,4,10,10,4,14,0,0,0,0,3,5,0,1,10,58,18,1,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.1379340688314281,0.0,0.12258132073870233,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15406942387174224,0.12984268294671114,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.15135602550811966,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12847557636861273,0.15023895320537733,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13194454888412555,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.22269664528298416,0.10488203707095822,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.6343256786029786,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11967082127727326,0.0,0.1554519910788376,0.0,0.0,0.20739435552596489,0.143449191448189,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.11718339577643976,0.0,0.10792321327678037,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.16446227889159218,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.12144384185405288,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.3357830806396733,0.0,0.19506983638918315,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.13609556542520124,0.13247438218030158,0.16390959698426982,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0,0.0